Best Place to Booze (Outside of Church) on the Lord's Day

Grafton, Illinois

First God made Heaven and Earth. He created light to see the seas, which came next, and to feed the vegetation, which shot up from the dry land that He parted from the waters. God was working hard, but the place still looked a bit unfinished, so He created birds and fish, to fly over the land and swim through the oceans. Pretty soon — say, by the fifth day — there were many more creatures breathing, running and multiplying, so God decided to create the boss-man, someone to be in charge. And it was so. God took a step back, saw everything that He had made, and it was good. There was morning and night, and then it was the sixth day. By this time God was pretty, well, goddamn tired. He wanted a place to sit next to His waters, a place with birds flying overhead and lots of boss-hogs alongside Him. He didn't care if they were wearing black-leather vests or midriffs. By God, He just wanted a drink. So it was night, and then it was morning, and on this day, the seventh, God went to Grafton, Illinois. The sun shone, the booze flowed, and the river shimmered. Nobody prayed to God. They just drank in His presence. And it was all very good.