U.S. Government Sparks Australian Riot, Bans Vegemite

By consumerist.comOctober 23, 2006

Reminding many Americans of the salty brown discharge of a dehydrated woman with a yeast infection than any real replacement for that prince of sandwich condiments, peanut butter, the rugged Aussie thrives on the stuff. For years, Australian ex-patriates have been mollified into joining the melting pot by regularly importing the “delicacy.”

But now, the U.S. Government is looking at a Coast-to-Coast Aussie Riot as the pink, not-so-indiginous people of God’s nightmare land begin sharpening their bowie knives to fight a national Vegemite ban. The issue is not the gooey paste’s inherent inedibility, but folate, which can only be added to breads and cereals according to the FDA.

We would advise the U.S. Government to consider reversing their ban, pronto. The average Australian shakes things out of their shoes every morning that could kill Robocop. They’re tough. Sure, they’re obnoxious, but can the U.S. Government really afford getting between them and their sannies?