Frank Mulligan: When words collide

Thursday

It’s been said the pen is mightier than the sword. But seldom within earshot of someone actually carrying a sword.

It’s been said the pen is mightier than the sword.

But seldom within earshot of someone actually carrying a sword.

That’s because it’s assumed, perhaps unfairly, that people carrying swords are not given much to poetic license.

Yet there may be something to the concept that words, if properly wielded, might prove an effective outlet for aggression.

Let’s consider the following hypothetical:

Driver 1 pulls into a gas station. Driver 1 needs, not surprisingly, to purchase gas. Driver 1 has a 25-minute commute to work before him and is nearly out of fuel. Driver 1 is also running late.

Driver 2 is parked in the lane that provides access to the pumps. Is Driver 2 waiting for a spot at the pumps to open up? That would be a perfectly legitimate reason to be blocking Driver 1 from access to the pumps. But no, there are several spots open.

Is Driver 2 just stopped for a moment, perhaps completing a cell phone call, and will move as soon as he realizes he’s inconveniencing a fellow human being? No, again. Driver 2 is not on his cell phone and appears to have no intention of moving aside rather than inconvenience a fellow human being.

Could Driver 2 be waiting for someone to pull out of a parking spot (Driver 3, perhaps?) and is unavoidably and quite understandably detained until the spot opens up? Once again, this is not the case. Driver 2 is not waiting for a spot to open up. He’s just sitting there.

Well, maybe Driver 2 is waiting for someone to come out of the convenience store (Driver 2a, perhaps)? And while this is somewhat rude, maybe Driver 2 is simply overestimating Driver 2a’s alacrity in emerging from the convenience store. Yet again, however, this is not the case. There’s no one in the store. There’s no Driver 2a.

So what is Driver 2 doing? He’s apparently being a jerk, knucklehead, moron or any other of a number of colorfully descriptive pejoratives that come to mind, some with anatomical associations.

Should Driver 1:

a) Honk his horn?

b) Exit his car and confront Driver 2?

c) Write a scathing column about what a complete sociopath Driver 2 (who was driving a black pickup truck, by the way) was?

The answer, of course, is c.

Take that, Driver 2!

Frank Mulligan is an editor in GateHouse Media New England’s Plymouth, Mass., office and can be reached at fmulligan@wickedlocal.com.

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