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Singer Robin Thicke drew inspiration for his new Still Madly Crazy music video from his wedding photo album. The Blurred Lines hitmaker, who has dedicated his new album, Paula, to his estranged wife Paula Patton, recruited a group of kids dressed up in wedding attire for the video and asked them to mouth the lyrics to the track on camera.
He tells U.S. breakfast show Good Morning America, "The songs poured out of me over the course of two weeks... and when I was looking through our old wedding photos and our sentimental stuff, I saw the pictures of the kids that were at the wedding and I thought it might be nice to recreate a wedding through the eyes of the (children)."
Thicke went on to explain he dedicated the record to Patton because she is the most important person in his life.
He continues, "She's the best person I've ever met, so I thought the least I could do is devote an album to her."
The couple wed in June, 2005, and welcomed son Julian Fuego Thicke in April, 2010.
Thicke and Patton announced their separation in February (14).

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It's almost become a game — how many things can be blamed on Miley Cyrus? When she went out on her Bangerz tour, mothers — none of whom had apparently been paying attention to what the singer's been up to since Hannah Montana — took to the web to complain about her antics, comparing the stage show to porn and lamenting the fact that their children had been exposed to it. Joe Jonas wrote a tell-all essay for New York Magazine, where he revealed that it was peer-pressure from Cyrus and Demi Lovato that got him to smoke pot for the first time. When she subsequently lit up a joint on stage in Amsterdam, she was labeled out of control. Months after, she caught a ton of flak for her "twerking" at the MTV Video Music Awards, the Internet exploded with rumors that Cyrus was the real reason behind the break-up of Robin Thicke and his wife, Paula Patton.
Now, Katy Perry is taking shots at the singer after Cyrus tried to kiss her at a concert, telling an Australian television show that she backed away from the smooch because, "God knows where that tongue has been." Even something as simple as being photographed using a teleprompter during a concert in Denver — a practice that did not originate with Cyrus — becomes national tabloid fodder. All that's missing at this point is Vladimir Putin issuing a statement saying that Cyrus is the real cause behind the unrest in the Ukraine.
Do a search for Cyrus' name and you'll return a lot of self-righteous posturing about her habit of not wearing clothes and her professed love of marijuana. The problem with all of this is that when you boil it all down, there's absolutely nothing wrong with what Cyrus is doing. In fact, if anything, it's a savvy career move.
Cyrus' image make-over isn't the first of its kind. When Drew Barrymore wanted to be seen as something more than the girl from E.T., she posed for Playboy and flashed David Letterman on national television. Within the music industry, Cyrus still has a ways to go before she tops the dual masters of self-promotion, Madonna and Lady Gaga. Heck, Madonna was kissing Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera years before Cyrus thought of it, and Gaga has been naked (or nearly) so often that it doesn't even register anymore.
So, why does what Cyrus is doing bother so many people? Is it because there's a segment of the audience that feels like they've watched her grow up on her Disney Channel show? Is it because she comes from a country music background with its more "traditional" values and with none other than Dolly Parton as her godmother? Or is it just that even now, people have difficulty with a young woman flaunting her sexuality?
The truth is that as a culture there are continuous mixed messages about female sexuality. Being sexy is valued, but being overtly sexual can go either way. When Jennifer Lawrence goes on Conan and tells a story about sex aides, it gets treated as something cute. If Kim Kardashian does the same thing, the nicest label that gets attached to her is "vapid." Madonna and Gaga are hailed as smart business women for parlaying an image based largely on sex into millions of dollars, but Spears is continuously portrayed disparagingly for doing the same thing. Cyrus was bashed for the tone of her concerts, but mothers routinely take their daughters to Perry's shows that feature skimpy costumes, stripper poles and a variety of accoutrements tied to her breasts. How does any young female performer that's coming up know what's over the line, when the line isn't the same for any two women?
To her credit, Cyrus does not take the criticism without hitting back. When Jonas made his comments, she responded to the New York Times that, "If you want to smoke weed, you're going to smoke weed. There's nothing that two little girls are going to get you to do that you don't want to do." When Perry called her out, she took to Twitter to shoot back about Perry's ex-boyfriend John Mayer, "Girl if ur worried abt where tongues have been good thing ur ex boo is ur EX BOO cause we all know where THAT (tongue) been."
She also has a sense of humor about it, appearing on Saturday Night Live two different times in the fall to make fun of the furor over her behavior. Parton, who was never shy about using her own sexuality to gain notice, has defended her goddaughter as well, telling a London newspaper, "It's not easy being young. You almost have to sacrifice your damn soul to get anything done."
Unlike Justin Bieber and Lindsay Lohan, Cyrus appears to know exactly what she's doing. If she's to blame for anything, it's for showcasing again the double-standards that get applied to strong, young women.
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Lions Gate via Everett Collection
When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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If the description of Amy Morton dealing with familial woes in the middle of a desolate, cold location sounds all too familiar, think again. The award-winning veteran stage actress' latest Bluebird, which premiered earlier this week at the 2013 Tribeca Film Festival, is a far cry from her role as George Clooney's sister who reunites with him in snowy Wisconsin in 2009's hit dramedy Up in the Air. In every way possible.
In Bluebird, Morton plays Lesley, a school bus driver in a sleepy working class mining town in Maine whose life is turned upside down when one of the kids she picks up is accidentally left on the bus and is left clinging to life. Lesley begins to break down in the aftermath of the terrible accident, complicated by her own family issues, including having a distant husband who has carried on an affair (played by Mad Men's John Slattery, who Morton described as "very fun, straightforward and down to earth") and her teenage daughter Paula (Emily Meade) who's headed down a wrong path.
"In the beginning of the movie... everybody's trying to get through their day because everybody's in a certain amount of financial trouble because of our economy and it added to that is the isolation of each member of this family," Morton said during a chat with Hollywood.com. "You can tell they're kind of growing apart and after the tragic incident she just begins to unravel. It's a geographical place with the people from that area don't do a lot of talking. There's not a lot of 'This is how I feel' going on."
Of course, it was that very geographical location that made Bluebird the slow-burn of a character study that it is. Morton said that she would drive an hour-and-a-half from Bangor to the small rural town where it was filmed because, as she put it, "there was no way I was gonna be stuck in that town without a car."
"It was smack dab in the middle of Maine in the smack dab middle of winter. It was bleak," Morton continued. "There really was not much to do at all. Nobody wanted a day off, because there was nothing to do. That town was really small and it was a mill town and the mill closed so it had already lost half of its population so the one main street 85 percent of the businesses were closed."
But that depressing isolation wasn't just a place, it was a state of mind for the actors. "Watching the movie I was like, 'Now I get it.' It would not be the same movie had we shot it in Northern New York trying to make it Maine. I think the location and the time of year is absolutely the other character in the movie. It's as important as anyone else in it."
Though it most certainly wasn't the exotic filming location that drew Morton to the script, but the very human story that Lance Edmands' Bluebird tells. "I thought the character [of Lesley] was really good and I thought the story was kind of beautiful and I love the fact that Lance didn't really answer any questions for anybody. To me, it was very much like real life. That's why I liked it so much."
Morton added that Bluebird, which Edmands (making his full-length feature debut) spent three years working on before cameras (on 35mm film, to be precise) even started rolling, "Any progress that's made in the film — and once it's over how you imagine their lives after— it's very true to life in that progress comes in inches. There aren't' huge revelations or changes from, 'I was this person and now I'm this person.' It's how people progress, it's usually very slowly."
Getting to explore these characters and setting is something, Morton —who, in addition to Up in the Air has been seen on the big screen in movies like The Dilemma and on the small screen including shows such as Boss — says this is where being in a small indie has the advantage. "I haven't done a lot of films, so I don't have a whole lot to compare it to, but to compare this to a big budget movie with big stars in it, yeah there's a big difference," Morton explained. "You get paid more when you work with the stars but I guess what makes up for it when you're doing a low budget independent film is that you get more time."
"When you're doing a big budget film you feel the pressure to get your work done because time is so much money," she said, adding, "Whereas on this film you get the luxury of a little bit more rehearsal time and discussion time, so you feel a little bit more relaxed about exploring. You don't feel under the burden of the mighty dollar. It's a more relaxed set because you're not spending a gazillion dollars a day. They scraped and begged and worked very hard for every dollar that they raised for this thing, so it's not like they weren't aware [of money]. Everybody's on the same page, nobody is making more than anybody else or anything like that, so you have a more relaxed atmosphere."
But for Morton, who recently wrapped up the Broadway revival of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, noted that there's no preference when it comes to creating art, big budget or otherwise. "I like it all," Morton told Hollywood.com. "I like stage work and I like film work and I also direct, so it's all really good. I feel very lucky that I get to work in this business in a couple of different ways."
Follow Aly on Twitter @AlySemigran
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This week sure has been one hell of a week in the world of pop culture. Sunday, the lights went out at the Super Bowl. Monday and Tuesday, ABC put on back-to-back episodes of The Bachelor. And then Fashion Week began in New York City. Between Jason Biggs, Alec Baldwin, and other famous comedic tweeters' commentary on all the hoopla, the jokes were rolling in.
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Here are the week's 10 funniest pop culture tweets:
1. Jason Biggs: "I hope one day Sarah's other arm just appears out of the blue and proceeds to b***h-slap the f**k out of Tierra. #TheBachelor"
2. Daniel Walters: “In the future, everybody will get in a fight with Chris Brown for 15 minutes.”
3. Neal Brennan: “With all the darkness, Ray Lewis is seriously considering murdering somebody.”
4. Josh Gondelman: “I wish we could merge Fashion Week with Shark Week.”
5. Michael Ian Black: “Did they name it "Movie 43" after how many people saw it?
6. Amy Schumer: “Drew Barrymore should do a remake but instead, call it "Never Been Hugged" and play a stripper”
7. Rob Delaney: "Royal forensics team confirms what I’d long suspected: Richard III OD’d on marijuana. #420NO"
8. Paula Pell: “When Beyonce dances she looks like what every very drunk person thinks they look like when they dance.”
9. Alec Baldwin: “Destiny's Child blew the power out with their curling irons...”
10. Rainn Wilson: “Good news! Colin Kaepernick had time to get another tattoo during the power outage.”
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: Alberto Reyes/Wenn]
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It was a good week for comedy, and the writers of Saturday Night Live knew it. During its new episode Saturday — hosted by Jeremy Renner — the series drew inspiration from the week's most salacious headline: General David Petraeus' affair with biographer Paula Broadwell. The scandal made for such good fodder, the series spun it off into two sketches, the second featuring Tampa socialite Jill Kelley... in drag.
Kicking right into action, fake Paula Broadwell (played by newbie Cecily Strong) took the stage in a C-SPAN Booknotes parody in which the biographer read excerpts of her now-famous book, All In: The Education of General David Petraeus. But SNL's writers tapped into E.L. James for inspiration, transforming Broadwell's words into dirty erotica. Sixty-year-old Petraeus is not quite Christian Grey, but that didn't stop Broadwell from pitting Petraeus in a Fifty Shades world.
Next up, first-time host and brooding actor Jeremy Renner began his debut monologue, eager to "show another side of" himself — and he did. After a technical mishap — the piano initially didn't work when Renner sat down and started hitting the keys — Renner was able to whip out a mini comedic musical number about The Avengers, inspired by Adele's Skyfall anthem. For a man mostly known to be skilled at working multiple types of weapons, Renner managed to work the room with his surprising musical talent. Perhaps the Kings of Leon should hire Renner as an opening act just for the actor's "Shoot Somebody" parody of "Use Somebody." Those high notes!
Since Black Friday is steadily approaching, why not incorporate some advertising? Right in time for the holidays, SNL mocked everyone's mixed feelings about returning to their parents' homes for the holiday with a faux travel ad for "Your Home Town." The pre-taped bit was one of the better skits of the night. We all know that we will be driving by our high schools and taking home the food from mom next week — even if those "souvenirs" end up with airport security instead of in our refrigerators.
But "The Californians: Thanksgiving"? Between the actors' overly exaggerated West Coast accents and the repetition of the soap opera meme, it seems like the writers gave in a bit too easily. (Especially since this was the second time in a few short weeks the series revived the recurring sketch.) The only thing to take away from "The Californians" is that Jeremy Renner should never — and I repeat, never — wear a George Clooney in The Descendants-esque floral shirt again. It just doesn't work for him.
"The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer" gave us more General Petraeus humor, spotlighting socialite Jill Kelley (again played by Strong) in a news clip that played over... and over... and over again. SNL even riffed on the circulating pic of Kelley supposedly wearing Mardi Gras beads and featured a special drag dramatization of Kelley's walk via newbie Tim Robinson.
And since we all can't imagine a Renner without weaponry, SNL gave us an action film-inspired parody, "The Stand Off." The sketch gave Renner plenty of ammo (comedic and otherwise), spotlighting a two-day stand-off that continues as Renner, Taran Killam, and Bobby Moynihan shower, sleep, and even use the bathroom. Bonus points for musical guest Adam Levine's funny cameo in the sketch.
When we got to "Weekend Update," Seth Meyers jumped on the Petraeus wagon too, making it the third time that the scandal appeared during the episode. (Worth it, for his joke about the scandal making Homeland look like a documentary.) Meyers riffed on the digital age as well — telling the audience they'll never get away with infidelity since the "head of the CIA couldn't get away with it" — and poor Florida, which of course was involved in the Petraeus scandal: "Sex scandals are like Jewish New Yorkers — eventually they always make their way to Florida." He then rattled off a few more jokes about the election, Channing Tatum becoming the People magazine's 2012 Sexiest Man Alive, an even chatted with Jay Pharoah's troubled Katt Williams.
But New Jersey Governor Chris Christie stole the spotlight on "Update," making a surprise visit to comment about the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. It's hard to imagine the moment was scripted too far in advance, and Christie did a respectable job reading his lines. Besides spending a little too much time looking at cue cards, the governor was able to animate the punchlines, especially when mocking angry New Jersey residents and taking a swing at the reporters who attempted to go out in the storm.
Finally, The Avengers (composed of SNL cast members — including Avengers star Cobie Smulders' husband Killam as Captain America — and Jeremy Renner) made their SNL debut. It only took them six months to get this bit in — the movie dropped in theaters back in May — but with Renner hosting, the time was finally right. The costumes left a bit to be desired (only Bill Hader as Thor really looked the part) but the bit managed to amuse, poking fun at Hawkeye's arrow-less uselessness. (“I’m all out of arrows. I don’t have anymore. So I guess I’m done, right? I’ll be in the car. Stay safe!”)
The night wrapped up with a sketch mocking Department of Defense propaganda. The "Cool Drones" cartoon definitely would have sold any stoner who is an avid fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on the idea of supporting the CIA's drone attacks on Pakistan. Especially if they love boy bands.
The only thing missing from the night? TWINKIES. They really are gone for good now, aren't they?
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: NBC]
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David Mitchell's novel Cloud Atlas consists of six stories set in various periods between 1850 and a time far into Earth's post-apocalyptic future. Each segment lives on its own the previous first person account picked up and read by a character in its successor creating connective tissue between each moment in time. The various stories remain intact for Tom Tykwer's (Run Lola Run) Lana Wachowski's and Andy Wachowski's (The Matrix) film adaptation which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival. The massive change comes from the interweaving of the book's parts into one three-hour saga — a move that elevates the material and transforms Cloud Atlas in to a work of epic proportions.
Don't be turned off by the runtime — Cloud Atlas moves at lightning pace as it cuts back and forth between its various threads: an American notary sailing the Pacific; a budding musician tasked with transcribing the hummings of an accomplished 1930's composer; a '70s-era investigatory journalist who uncovers a nefarious plot tied to the local nuclear power plant; a book publisher in 2012 who goes on the run from gangsters only to be incarcerated in a nursing home; Sonmi~451 a clone in Neo Seoul who takes on the oppressive government that enslaves her; and a primitive human from the future who teams with one of the few remaining technologically-advanced Earthlings in order to survive. Dense but so was the unfamiliar world of The Matrix. Cloud Atlas has more moving parts than the Wachowskis' seminal sci-fi flick but with additional ambition to boot. Every second is a sight to behold.
The members of the directing trio are known for their visual prowess but Cloud Atlas is a movie about juxtaposition. The art of editing is normally a seamless one — unless someone is really into the craft the cutting of a film is rarely a post-viewing talking point — but Cloud Atlas turns the editor into one of the cast members an obvious player who ties the film together with brilliant cross-cutting and overlapping dialogue. Timothy Cavendish the elderly publisher could be musing on his need to escape and the film will wander to the events of Sonmi~451 or the tortured music apprentice Robert Frobisher also feeling the impulse to run. The details of each world seep into one another but the real joy comes from watching each carefully selected scene fall into place. You never feel lost in Cloud Atlas even when Tykwer and the Wachowskis have infused three action sequences — a gritty car chase in the '70s a kinetic chase through Neo Seoul and a foot race through the forests of future millennia — into one extended set piece. This is a unified film with distinct parts echoing the themes of human interconnectivity.
The biggest treat is watching Cloud Atlas' ensemble tackle the diverse array of characters sprinkled into the stories. No film in recent memory has afforded a cast this type of opportunity yet another form of juxtaposition that wows. Within a few seconds Tom Hanks will go from near-neanderthal to British gangster to wily 19th century doctor. Halle Berry Hugh Grant Jim Sturgess Jim Broadbent Ben Whishaw Hugo Weaving and Susan Sarandon play the same game taking on roles of different sexes races and the like. (Weaving as an evil nurse returning to his Priscilla Queen of the Desert cross-dressing roots is mind-blowing.) The cast's dedication to inhabiting their roles on every level helps us quickly understand the worlds. We know it's Halle Berry behind the fair skinned wife of the lunatic composer but she's never playing Halle Berry. Even when the actors are playing variations on themselves they're glowing with the film's overall epic feel. Jim Broadbent's wickedly funny modern segment a Tykwer creation that packs a particularly German sense of humor is on a smaller scale than the rest of the film but the actor never dials it down. Every story character and scene in Cloud Atlas commits to a style. That diversity keeps the swirling maelstrom of a movie in check.
Cloud Atlas poses big questions without losing track of its human element the characters at the heart of each story. A slower moment or two may have helped the Wachowskis' and Tykwer's film to hit a powerful emotional chord but the finished product still proves mainstream movies can ask questions while laying over explosive action scenes. This year there won't be a bigger movie in terms of scope in terms of ideas and in terms of heart than Cloud Atlas.
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This week, there are two reasons to tune into Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars: Not only will Monday night feature guest judge Paula Abdul, but this season is turning into a nail-biting competition. (Just see Sabrina Bryan's surprising flirt with danger last week.) On Tuesday, America said goodbye to two previously winning teams: Drew Lachey and Anna Trebunskaya and Hélio Castroneves and Chelsie Hightower. This week, will another former winner be sent packing? And while Kelly Monaco, Season 1 returning champion, hopes it's not her, she's realistic about the competition. "Somebody has to go home every week," Monaco tells Hollywood.com. "People are disappointed that people go home, but it’s a dance competition. It’s the nature of the beast. Everyone is expecting somebody to get eliminated. Everyone is expecting someone to be in the bottom two."
And Monaco often thinks that she herself could be in the bottom two. Though the General Hospital actress scored a 27 out of 30 possible points and tied with Melissa Rycroft at the top of the competition, she still doesn't even feel safe. "The show isn’t just based around your dancing ability," she says. "It’s a popularity contest as well as a dance contest, and everybody in this contest has been through this before. Nobody is safe, ever. I was just at the top of the leaderboard, and I certainly didn’t feel safe."
Still, it's hard to believe Monaco would fear for her DWTS safety when less skilled dancers — like Bristol Palin, who finished last on the leaderboard with 22 points last week — continue to score below average. "She’s got a huge fan base," Monaco explains. "She represents young mothers out there who have a goal, and she’s trying really hard. It’s super commendable, and it takes a lot of bravery to get out there. She’s awesome.”
And Monaco also has to watch out for the more skilled dancers competing. "I’m not comfortable with any of these dances," she admits. "Seven years ago, I danced for six weeks [when she won Season 1 of DWTS]. I haven’t danced since, so everything is new to me. Every week is a challenge. Every dance is new.”
So how does Monaco cope with the stress of an unpredictable competition? The actress' philosophy: Just to have fun. "I’m just out there having a good time," she says. "I don’t feel any pressure to win. It doesn’t really matter at this point. If we’re having fun and enjoying each other, [it's] kind of a our journey, you know?
Be sure to catch an all new episode of DWTS Monday night at 8 PM on ABC.
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: ABC]
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And there you have it, folks: This week, we bid adieu to not one, but two former DWTS champs: guyliner enthusiast Drew Lachey and this season’s second-coolest-guy-with-an-accent, Helio Castroneves. And really, is anyone surprised? I have a sneaking suspicion Bristol would have been out had it not been for Helio’s little stumble in this week’s routine, when he almost sent Chelsie flying.
True to their personalities, Drew and Helio handled their eliminations with different levels of grace, by which I mean that Helio thanked the audience and the judges, expressed his love for the show, and exited the stage with dignity (and his nauseatingly adorable family). And Drew? Well, Drew whined, complaining that the judges just don’t get him. Again I ask, are you surprised?
The real mystery of this week’s elimination, though, is how our favorite Cheetah Girl Sabrina Bryan landed in jeopardy. Heaven knows I love a little drama, but seriously, I don’t think she ever fully recovered from being sent home in Season 5. I was sort of afraid she’d explode onstage tonight when Tom gave her the bad news.
But luckily she’ll live to see another week, as will Kirstie Alley, who was also briefly at risk of elimination. And so, inexplicably, will Bristol Palin, whose consistently low-scoring routines somehow make us all love her more with each passing moment.
The main excitement in the otherwise lackluster elimination episode was the announcement of next week’s challenge. The stars all selected dance styles for each other, and the real tragedy of this elimination is that we won’t get to see Helio perform the Broadway routine chosen for him.
Next week’s lineup is as follows:
Gilles and Peta will perform a Bollywood dance, and I can’t wait to see how Peta uses this as an excuse to basically be naked onstage.
Sabrina and Louis will do the disco, and if I don’t see a pair of go-go boots and a lot of hairspray, I’ll probably lose my faith in humanity.
Emmitt and Cheryl will be doing a bolero, because let’s face it: Emmitt is like the male version of Shakira. His hips don’t lie. I think there’s a big audience contingent of moms voting for him exclusively for that reason.
Apolo and Karina will perform a hip-hop dance. I… um… er… is it just me, or is it hard to picture Apolo Anton Ohno doing a hip-hop routine without feeling vaguely traumatized?
Melissa and Tony will do the Jitterbug, which, frankly, I can’t discern from the jive she performed in Week 2. But I guess it doesn’t matter what dance she performs: She’s so talented, she can basically do no wrong.
Kelly and Val will do a contemporary style dance. I can only hope this is like that time I took a contemporary class at the tender age of 13 and thought twirling ribbons and pastel colors made me look graceful. (They didn’t.)
Kirstie and Maks will do the Charleston. ABC, do you hate me? Honestly, if I have to see Kirstie in that flapper costume again, I might punch my television set. If she shimmies toward Len and Bruno again, I might actually cry. I still get nightmares sometimes.
Bristol and Mark will perform a rock &amp; roll dance. Does anyone know what this means? All I can imagine is the duo furiously head-banging to heavy metal. That’s probably not what will happen, but a girl can dream, can’t she?
And that’s that for this week’s DWTS elimination! Next week, Paula Abdul will be the guest judge, and you know what that means: Free compliments for everybody! Even you, Bristol.
[Image Credit: ABC]
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