Australia's finest suppository of news and views.

Saudi Arabia Bans Stripy Fisherman Shirts and Berets

In retaliation to the French government’s ban on the burkini the Saudi Arabian government has banned the wearing of striped Breton fisherman shirts and berets.

“Any citizen caught cooking with garlic and engaging in existentialist philosophy will be subject to fifty lashes and imprisonment in a dungeon with an iron mask over their face,” said Faisal Mahmood, the Saudi Arabian Minister For Racial Stereotyping. “This is a security matter because those shirts could potentially be used to conceal one of those long sticks of bread which a terrorist could use to hit someone over the head.”

“We will vigorously oppose any efforts to criminalise the watching of Jerry Lewis films and sauntering down the sidewalk singing Thank Heaven For Little Girls,” said French ambassador Gigi Gitane. “These are not symbols of oppression. They’re simply ways that French citizens freely choose to express their arrogance and distain for the rest of humanity.”

Special police patrols have already begun in Riyadh to round up any ten year olds caught smoking tiny cigarettes. Several mimes have been imprisoned inside large glass boxes.

“Being able to lean back and emit a low throaty laugh whilst painting a blurry picture of a water lily is actually very liberating for me,” said Frenchwoman Simone De Bertrand. “The only good thing about these new laws is finally being able to say ‘hamburger’ in public and being able to drink an Australian champagne without feeling any guilt.”