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Public inquiry to review upsurge in public inquiries

The UK government has announced plans for a new public inquiry to examine the recent increase in the number of public inquiries. ‘We’ve seen a spate of new public inquiries in the past few weeks,’ Prime Minister Cameron told The House, ‘so it’s clear we need another one to find out once and for all whether the British public really are ‘institutionally inquisitive’ as some newspapers allege, or whether it’s just one or two rogue nosey-parkers.’

Dubbed the ‘mother of all public inquiries’, the new inquiry will begin its work introspectively by asking itself whether a public inquiry is the appropriate forum for an examination of public inquiries. ‘We need to get to the bottom of it,’ continued Cameron, ‘even if that takes us to the top. And, for Plan B, I’m also announcing today another new public inquiry, to review the options for outsourcing public inquiries to the private sector.’

Pretty Meadows Plc, a large commercial organisation which runs many of the UK’s private prisons and care homes for the elderly, and which has been lobbying the government for months in favour of privately-run public inquiries, said it ‘only cautiously welcomed today’s announcement’, adding that it will continue to fight for the right to tender for all public inquiry contracts. ‘They’re going to spend millions on these two new public inquiries,’ said their spokesman, ‘it’s madness; we could do them both as a package for half the price; less, for cash. No questions asked.’