Monday, June 29, 2009

4th o' July

Well, the anniversary of the last time I had sex is coming up! (I know, I know: Too much information!) :) But I remember the memorable date, the 4th of July, and the fact that it was with the very first woman that I ever had sex with (after many years apart) and that there certainly weren't any fireworks!

We'd been trying halfheartedly for a few weeks to make a go of it again. But this time around, I kept noticing annoying things like: (1) She ate tortilla chips with her mouth open and crumbs flew out when she talked. (2) I checked out a book for her at the library where I worked and she didn't return it on time; when I called her to ask when she was going to take it back, she accused me of trying to start a fight. (3) We were going to eat take-out and spend the evening together at my place. She wanted me to go pick up the food on HER side of town. When I pointed out that the restaurant was just down the street from her and across town from me, so why didn't she just pick it up and bring it over, she accused me of trying to start a fight. (4) On the July 4th date, we went swimming at her pool, when I noticed that she was getting a belly. Nothing wrong with that, but I hadn't been with her in years and she didn't used to have one, and she didn't look particularly good with one. Then, after sex and while we were downtown watching fireworks, she kept blabbing on and on and on about something; I can't remember what, but I do remember thinking that I would scream if she didn't shut up because she was boring me to death...

Friends, the thrill was gone. But still not completely. About a week after the 4th, I called and left a message asking if she wanted to go do something. She didn't return the call. THAT was when a little light finally, finally, after 10 years, went off: "I want somebody who will return my calls and take me out on a Saturday night! That's not too much to ask." At that moment, I completely fell out of love with her and have not thought about her in a romantic way ever since. (She actually did call me back several weeks later, before my birthday. I just sat there and listened to her leave a message and rolled my eyes.)

So anyway, that's my "4th o' July" last-time-I-had-sex story.

BTW: The fireworks on the Hudson, which lies between Manhattan and Weehawken, are going to be insane. I just had an automated call from the Weehawken mayor today warning about the crowds and the traffic and the roads that will be blocked off. I was strolling by the river this past Saturday, and the traffic and people were slightly hectic. (It's a prime tourist spot because of its gorgeous view of the city.) I can't even imagine what it's going to be like this coming Saturday, the 4th. Mayhem, most likely. (I feel sorry for the people whose houses line the street overlooking the river. Most of the houses have picket fences, but people are still going to be intrusive...) Still, the show is going to be fantastic, and since I live just a 2-minute walk away, I can't not go.

And, hey: Maybe I'll meet some hot woman to whom I can tell my sad 4th o' July story and she'll take pity on me and give me a symbolic anniversary present... Yeah, OK, right. ;p