Violence at my company party

This is a discussion on Violence at my company party within the Carry & Defensive Scenarios forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; At my p/t job, we had a company/family party at a local farm and enjoyed hay rides, corn mazes and a cookout. Most of the ...

Violence at my company party

At my p/t job, we had a company/family party at a local farm and enjoyed hay rides, corn mazes and a cookout. Most of the company went and brought along their spouses and children.

I didn't go, so I missed the excitement. And I'm glad, because I escaped a "what are you going to do" moment.

Our receptionist brought along her boyfriend, who brought along alcohol and got drunk and started cursing and yelling at her.... and then proceeded to beat up on her on front of everybody. My boss said he really pounded on her hard.

Luckily, the farm had their own security personnel and the fight was ended. I don't think the cops were called and I don't know how long it took during the beating for security to show up. I'll have to poke around some more to find out all the details.

Most of us know the dangers of getting involved in a third party domestic situation. My co-worker, the victim of the beating, immediately took the side of her boyfriend and defended him.

I've never bothered to delve into the personal lives of most of my co-workers, but apparently it's come out that she's been abused for a long time. She lives with her boyfriend.

She didn't show up to work today. I imagine she's been thoroughly humiliated and has a bag of ice against her face, and is probably making soft, cuddly noises at her boyfriend, who's probably taking another swing at her right now.

I'm sympathetic, angry, and upset with her for tolerating the abuse, and angry it was visited upon my other co-workers and their kids. The psychological control an abuser has digs in deep. We all want to help, but know it's useless unless she takes the first step.

I'm thinking about what I would have done before I knew security guards were coming. I don't know if my co-workers attempted to intervene physically. With all the children around, I don't think I would have drawn my gun and shot hiim. I also wonder if the victim would have turned on me in defense of her boyfriend if I had tried to physically stop the guy. Seeing how she immediately jumped in to verbally defend him, I think she would have.

I know I would have at least called the police, no matter if she wanted me to, and knowing she would've hated me for it.

Betty,
I work for the Department of Public health and I think you are right to call the police whenever you see this situation. Now most departemtns are required to take someone to jail if there is signs of abuse. Most of the time this is nesscary for the abusee (sp?) to become aware that this situation is not normal. That people who love you do not beat you. Now with all that said someone who grew up in an abusive family thinks it is normal or at least acceptable. I know of one family were at least one spouse was in jail for domestic assualt every month. I left that area after 2 years so I don't know what happened to them. But I do know that domestic abuse tends to increase in severity until something stops it, someone leaves or dies.

Last edited by pgrass101; October 25th, 2006 at 01:25 PM.
Reason: I can't spell

Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

Now with all that said someone who grew up in an abusive family thinks it is normal or at least acceptable

There is some merit to that statement since children of abuseive parents tend to follow the cycle , but i have to take umberage at it I was raised by an abusive drunkard , and have never abused my wife or children . It is not acceptable by my , or anyones standards .

Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

hmmm. wow.
This hits home as I have about 8 employees, many young woman as massage therapist and two front desk help. A couple are in bad relationships, and though I don't want to get involved in their personal life, if it took place at the company party in front of me, it would be hard not to intervene, as I feel very close to my office staff.
Sometimes I wish I could just give them a they might wake up, but more than likely, I would become the bad guy and lose an employee. If and when they take the first step, I will be there to assist, but not until.
Knowing me like I do.....I would not allow him to beat up on her. I would stop it physically WITHOUT my firearm. I don't think there would be a need for it, BUT it would be there if needed. Especially since I feel like the company party is my responsibility.
WOW, it must be hard for her now, as most abuse victims associate their work place with 'safety' and empowerment, (alot of victims are totally different when at work), now that has been taken away, she probably feels very confused, embarassed, and helpless. I hope you and your office mates get a chance to help her, and more importantly, I hope she chooses to get help before it is too late.
good luck

I wonder if even though she didn't press charges for assault, could he be charged by a 3rd party for disturbing the peace, Drunk and disorderly etc...?

As to the woman herself, she kind of reminds me of my mother and my 2nd and 3rd step father (same guy). He use to beat the hell out of her as well as verbally abuse her. She just wouldn't leave him. She finally did but only after she lost her children to the foster parent system. However for what ever reason they got back together and she married the S.O.B. again. I haven't spoken to her since.......

MikeV

Last edited by MIKEV; October 25th, 2006 at 01:34 PM.
Reason: spelling

I have huge problems with abusers - of either sex, and as many folks know the ladies can at times be the violent ones. It is tho seemingly always worse this way round and as so often, the sufferer keeps on suckin it up.

I know background seems to have an influence on those who inflict this treatment on spouses but to me it cannot, ever - condone such. It reminds me too of people who get drunk, beat the crap outa someone and then ''blame'' the alcohol!!!! Sorry - that don't wash with me.

One Sunday night a bunch of years ago, I was at a Burger King standing in line to place an order. Right outside the door I saw a young man start slapping the young woman he was with.

By the time I got to the door he had knocked her down, I immediately grabbed him by his collar and threw him into the street next to his car & told him not to move. He started to get up & I told him again to stay put.....this time he complied.

When I turned my attention to the female & asked if she was OK.....she went off on ME!(verbally, not physically)

This was not the reaction I was expecting! So I then told them both to take it somewhere else.....by now a crowd was gathering & they both got into the car together & left.........

I don't understand the mentality of women who tolerate this behaviour, but it is something that happens not only on TV but in real life as well.

(I was armed during this incident, but there was NEVER any reason to draw it. He was not armed & he was not able to take me on one on one.)

There is some merit to that statement since children of abuseive parents tend to follow the cycle , but i have to take umberage at it I was raised by an abusive drunkard , and have never abused my wife or children . It is not acceptable by my , or anyones standards .

I did not mean it as a hard and fast rule. People of strong character (will) or that have at least one positive role model have a better chance of not getting caught in a cycle of abuse. My on father was able to break this cycle and was (is) a great model for me on how a father and man is suppose to conduct himself. I did not mean to offend you.

Last edited by pgrass101; October 25th, 2006 at 02:01 PM.
Reason: still not a good speller

Specifically becasue many women refuse to press charges against their abusive mates there are many states where if the police have reason to believe domestic violence occurred they may arrest without the injured party pressing charges. The police should have been called.

If you have to ask if you should have drawn the answer is almost always NO.

At the same time this also falls into the "If your only tool is a hammer every problem is a nail" category. Your only tool was a gun so the only choice you saw was draw or don't draw. Luckily you were not there though. It is foolish to only carry the highest level of force escalation and nothing else. I have my pepperspray whenever I have my gun specifically because there are gray areas where force is warranted but lethal force is not.

I'd have sent my wife with the kids to the car and instructions to call the police while I hosed the moron down with the spray if security was not there to immediately stop it. I have no intention of rolling in the dirt with the nut and if he is blind and out of arms reach the damage he can do is minimalized.

The receptionist probably comes from an abusive past but at some point people have to wake up and do SOMETHING for themselves. I have know several abused women. Some left and some stayed and nothing anyone else did matterred a damn. At the same time what he is doing is a crime regardless of whether the woman feels she deserves it or not. The aggressor is a dangeer to everyone because of his uncontrolled violence towards others and any witness to this crime is morally bound to testify against him.

Never, never, never, never, never get in the middle of someone else's domestic dispute without backup.

Ever.

As soon as you intervene, the odds are very good that both of them will turn on you. Their emotions are running very high, and if a convenient outlet (i.e. you) pops up in the middle of it, they'll avail themselves of it vigorously.

Did I mention never getting in the middle of someone else's domestic dispute?

If I retained one thing from the street survival classes and 15 years on the street in EMS, it is that I would rather jump naked on a pile of angry honey badgers than get into the middle of a domestic by myself.

I had a co-worker years ago that was in an abusive relationship. She was a real beauty and could have been with any man she wanted but stayed with this creep that would beat her. I told her that until she wised up I had no sympathy for her. The best bet would have been to call the police and try to stay out of it.

One question Betty that comes to mind is, is there a chance this creep could show up at your work someday with a gun? Something your work may have to consider.

I feel sorry for the woman. I don't understand people like that because I was one of the lucky ones. I had two very loving parents who lived for each other. My wife had the same type of childhood.

So, I admit up front that we don't understand these people.

I agree with everyone else who said that it is a good thing that you were not there. Domestics fights are a no win situation.

This loser by his actions, and his girl friend by her support of him, forced a very uncomfortable situation on everyone there.

While I wouldn't attempt to interfere with her personal life, I would probably suggest to her that she and her boyfriend need to get their problems resolved thru whatever means: anger management, counselling, whatever.

I WOULD feel compelled to let her know that SHE is responsible for any guest she allows to enter my business or attend a company function. If she insists on bringing him in the future and he repeats his performance, she would be subject to termination.

If she decides to try to get everything straight, I would try to work with her (time off, maybe even subsidize the counselling) but she must understand that the responsibility is HERS.

The other employees have a right to expect me to do everything I can to provide a safe, comfortable and enjoyable working environment. I will not let any one person screw that up for everyone.

As for that safe environment, if anyone decides to come in and shoot up my place, they will notice return fire. We do this, as the anti's say, "for the safety of our employees".

I don't want to understand "these people", abusers need to be punished, not understood.
I know some and can't stand them. I had a coworker always coming to work with bruises on her face from "falling down" and wished I could get away with helping her insignifigant other fall down.
That kind of c**p infuriates me.