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Jeter's Next Big Swing

"I don't miss playings," says the retired Yankee, as the press-shy captain leads website The Players' Tribune, where DeAndre Jordan and Tiger Woods break news (sorry, ESPN) and backers are betting on a media home run

In an intense competition that includes darts, gingerbread plantations and tuberculosis, the two Oscar nominees decide whose film is more unbearably sad in a Funny or Die sketch.

Feel like crying hysterically this Christmas, but unsure which Dec. 25 film release will wring out your emotions and tear ducts the most? Allow Samuel L. Jackson and Anne Hathaway to help.

Jackson plays a house slave in the often-brutal Django Unchained, while Hathaway takes on the tragically doomed role of Fantine, a French prostitute dying of tuberculosis, in Les Miserables. In their new video for Funny or Die, the pair get very competitive over which film is more tragic, pitting the worst elements of their respective settings.

Building a gingerbread plantation -- with black gum drops as slaves -- Jackson guffaws at Hathaway's despair over Fantine losing her factory job. Yet Hathaway counters with a whopping cough in the middle of "Silent Night," which certainly frustrates her opponent.

The two go toe-to-toe in the battle over who is the biggest loser, but only you can decide just who wins the most pathetic trophy.