Dramatic

My (late) husband R, and I were on Haj (Pilgrimage to Mecca, and Madina, Saudi Arabia). In our group, which was an Army Delegation there were nineteen men, and seven women. One of the officers had brought his mother along with him too. She was the only elderly lady among us, but had more stamina than the rest of us. Twelve officers had come without their spouses.

In both the cities Mecca and Madina, our hotel accommodation was just across the mosques. In later years there has been great expansions. Now you can’t walk to them. Now hotel buses take you, or you move in a taxi to reach there, specially in Mecca.

The room in Madina where we first stayed, before the beginning of Haj days, was shared by women. The men had two bigger rooms to themselves.

There were matteresses on the floor. We used our own sheets and pillows. My matteress was exactly in front of the door. When we weren’t praying in the mosque, we would be lying or sitting in our room.

One woman’s husband would poke his head inside the room at odd hours (when you were least expecting it), and catch us in various poses of lying, or sitting. The correct thing was to knock at the door, and call his wife. None of the other men did this except for this man.

I would be lying in front of the door, and the first person he looked at was me. For me the situation was highly intolerable. After suffering silently for a few days, I decided to mention it in front of his wife. I spoke hesitatingly, “Can you ask Brother (all men are considered brothers) that he should knock, and call you to the door?”

The woman flew into a rage, “What do you think he comes to look at you?” I wasn’t expecting her dramatic response. I was mortified. With red cheeks I couldn’t utter a word. I took to covering myself with top sheet from head to toe, while we were in Madina. Luckily in Mecca I stayed with another group of women, and had no such problem.

I kept the above episode from my husband till we came back home. I didn’t want my husband to feel angry during Haj, over what I suffered.

During Haj one shouldn’t quarrel or show anger, and we were there on a pilgrimage. If I had told my husband then, he would have definitely said, or done something in anger. To avoid strained atmosphere between the men folk I kept quiet.
That’s why I didn’t reply back to that woman either.

I too think she should have stopped him, but we don’t know the dynamics of their household. She may have feared retribution from him when she arrived at home. I have never met a man who behaved like that. It is not a gentlemanly way to act.

That’s abominable and unacceptable – both the woman and her husband’s behavior. He violated the rights of a Muslim woman and that is haram. Even children should knock the door before they enter. Would that husband like it if another man looked at his wife uncovered? Your solution is good by covering up yourself. Allah will reward you for you patience in having to cover up inside the room and for not inviting argument with the woman. May Allah bless you.