Wednesday, December 30, 2009

As Uranus gained speed in late Pisces near my South Node and at the exact time Mercury touched Pluto in Capricorn (December 7), I realized I had been poisoned by an antibiotic I had been prescribed for what I thought was a urinary tract infection. Cipro. Evil. Do not take this or any of the similar drugs. Levaquin is one of them.

The doctor I saw told me it was a "mild antibiotic." I later found out it is a very strong antibiotic that was developed to ward off anthrax attacks (!!!) and that there are class action lawsuits in the United States due to its adverse side effects. Citizens groups have been trying to get a "black box warning" put on it since 2006, but that, of course, hasn't happened because it would affect the profits of the pharmaceuticals company that makes it.

I was prescribed three pills of 1,000 mg each. By the evening after I took the third pill, I knew something wasn't right. Extreme anxiety, ringing in my ears, body felt as if it were under some sort of attack, trouble speaking, couldn't remember what day it was.

I went to urgent care where the nurse I initially spoke to didn't believe me. "Cipro wouldn't do that. It's not the Cipro."

I spoke to a doctor who did believe that I was having an adverse reaction but seemed to want to link it to a history of depression/anxiety.

I told him I was also worried about tendonitis - a common adverse side effect. He told me I was worrying about nothing and that only 1 in 100,000 people rupture tendons after taking Cipro. Still far too high a risk for me and I definitely would not have taken it if I had known that beforehand.

He gave me Benadryl to sleep and four hours later told me to go home and sleep for the next couple days.

It's now been just over three weeks, and I'm still recovering.

The day after I got home from urgent care, I developed tendonitis in both ankles to the point that I had to walk to the bathroom on my knees. That continued for 2.5 weeks. Within another day, both my wrists, hands and arms were affected. I could barely use them. Could only manage to wash and eat sporadically.

I was nauseated. Had extreme fear and anxiety - constant bombardment by morbid and terrifying thoughts. Thought I was going to die, my parents were going to die, I was going to be in a wheelchair, would not recover, etc. etc.

You can see the terror and fear surrounding this drug - developed when the anthrax attack scare was big in the news. And I took it, repurposed as an antibiotic for uti, just after the H1N1 fervour. The collecive subconscious panic attached to this stuff is overwhelming.

I also experienced insomnia, headaches, pressure in my head, dizziness, blurred vision, extreme light sensitivity and terrifying visuals when I close my eyes. The fear was overwhelming.

The symptoms are now lessening (I can actually type this post) but are still hanging on. I can walk very carefully around my apartment and can also use my hands and wrists sparingly.

The fact that doctors are prescribing this stuff and that pharmacists are doling it out without any sort of warning about the possible side effects is morally criminal, if not legally so.

But here we see just how far gone things really are as Pluto sits in early Capricorn. How the dollar bill and the egos at the top of the hierarchies have usurped actually giving a shit about people in much of the mainstream medical establishment.

Like most corporate hierarchies, it's become (in many cases) rotten, damaging, illegitimate and unethical.

I weep at how badly people are being treated. How human lives mean nothing in comparison to the little pieces of paper we call dollars. And how little care and attention supposed health professionals are taking with people's lives.

It's just not safe for people, especially very sensitive people, in its current state. Too many people are asleep at the wheel using big business cruise control.

Not coincidentally, just before this incident, my 93-year-old Grandmother was admitted to the hospital with kidney pain, and she was overdosed with 20 mg of morphine, causing hallucinations for a week and a half. A synchronistic interaction with the irresponsibility and out-of-control, haphazard nature of the mainstream medical establishment, run more by the pharmaceuticals industry than by ethical doctors and nurses.

As Black Moon Lilith hangs out on 29 degrees Capricorn and we head to a Full Moon lunar eclipse tomorrow at 10 degrees Cancer opposite the Sun, Venus and Pluto in Capricorn, enough is officially enough. The feminine has had it with this shitshow!

I'm not sure when regular posts will resume. I'm still in recovery mode. Hopefully by mid-January when Mercury stations direct at 5 degrees Capricorn, just out of reach of another exact square to Saturn in Libra and opposition to Pluto. Thank God for small mercies - or big ones in this case.

The Sun and Venus come together with Mercury Rx in Capricorn January 4 and 5 and then conjunct each other January 11.

This has been a brutal, devastating, hellish Plutonic experience and continues to be very frightening, but I know that it's part of healing the feminine. You have to go to some dark places to get to the deepest and most neglected wounds. And those are the ones that so desperately need our love and attention.

I know what's good and loving in human beings and on this planet can never be defeated or destroyed, despite all efforts to do so.

So let's fortify ourselves with what is good and right and caring and loving as we head into 2010. Let's remember that we're never alone and always loved.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Moon is full in Gemini, coming to a culmination point early this morning/late last night (12:39 a.m. MT).

Uranus also went direct in Pisces and Venus entered Sagittarius yesterday afternoon, so there is a lot of mutable antsiness in the astro atmosphere. We want to get moving, but we're sort of spinning our wheels.

The Gemini Moon interacts with the "Piscean-to-Aquarian" planets this evening, so things should feel a little more connected at that point.

The Moon will trine the Aquarius triple conjunction and square just-stationed-direct Uranus in Pisces, which is very potent and almost standing still from our vantage point on Earth.

Tomorrow morning, the Moon heads into Cancer and an opposition to Pluto in Capricorn and square to Saturn in Libra by early afternoon.

This triggers our emotions related to the themes of the Saturn-Pluto square series that is working on bringing about complete structural transformation between now and the end of 2010. We should all have a good gut feeling by now (triggered by the first Saturn-Pluto square) about any structural weaknesses in the constructs of our lives, especially relationship constructs, as well as any fatal flaws that will lead to the end of certain situations/relationships altogether.

The Saturn-Pluto square series and the effects it is going to have on our personal lives as well as on social structures are going to create some emotional rough spots. The Moon transitting Cancer allows for some related emotional processing - making ourselves comfortable with our new emotional anchors in light of the structural morphing that is and will be going on.

We experienced two bookend New Moons in Cancer at that time - at the first and last degrees of the sign.

We're now heading into the next eclipse season with a Full Moon lunar eclipse in Cancer on New Year's Eve and a New Moon solar eclipse in Capricorn January 15, 2010.

The Full Moon lunar eclipse in Cancer on December 31st is a culmination/end point related to the themes triggered and intensified by last summer's eclipse season - the reconciliation of past (Cancer) with future (Aquarius), tradition with new paradigm, as well as emotional themes related to soul home within the burgeoning Aquarian paradigm. The eclipses triggered a process of finding a new emotional anchor in light of the changes we are bringing about that is still connected to and honours our pasts, our roots and a true sense of belonging.

We've been chewing on the necessary emotional adjustments to reconcile past, present and future since then. This past summer's eclipse season was a very emotional time period, and this New Year's Eve will more than likely also be very emotional and sentimental as we say goodbye to older emotional realities and head into a year that is going to be full of dynamic structural changes.

We're really shifting and transforming the bones of the situations now, and we needed to have our emotional bearings to do so successfully. Hopefully, we've done the emotional processing and maturing necessary at this point and have our sea legs under us as we head into uncharted waters.

This Cancer Moon as well as the NYE Cancer Full Moon lunar eclipse will cement our new emotional foundations just as Jupiter in Aquarius makes one final pass over Chiron (December 7) and Neptune (December 21 - Winter Solstice). The culmination of these past/future themes...

Jupiter will leave Aquarius and enter Pisces January 17, just after the New Moon lunar eclipse in Capricorn which initiates new Capricornian structural set-ups as well as public roles within them amidst the longer-term Plutonic transformational process.

Jupiter leaving Aquarius for Pisces, again, indicates the beginning of the end of the most intensely interwoven cross-over period between Piscean era and Aquarian.