I am very new to this, but after doing my first 3 steps, I understood that there is a difference between admitting and accepting that I am an alcoholic.Admitting was saying for some years that I am an alcoholic, but not doing, (or not being able to do) anything about it. Accepting was/is the stage where I knew I HAD to do something about it ~ and actually do it!That is what it means to me at this time.

Well, acceptance is the time when you are past realizing, past admitting, and past trying. Its the point where you know you have only one choice to maintain health and happiness. One option if want life. It is one of the hardest feelings in the world. To realize that you cannot resist poison. No matter how hard you try to deny it, all it has done was poison you. The posion os so strong and so cunning it makes you wanna consume more of the posion. The final end of the posion is death. Imagine a cobra that not only bites you, poisons you but it also makes you crave to be bitten again.This is a hard thing to realize. When you decide you cannot allow this to happen any further, you have accepted truth.

All year i've been going into my local post office and been overcharged on a regular basis by the same woman. I'm not even allowed to pay by credit card when she's on claiming the maching doesn't take my kind of card so i always have to pay cash and get ripped off for a small sum.

I've even had important mail going missing once i've handed it over the counter to the same woman. My alcoholic mind tells me she's looking for money in them or else i wouldn't be paying for secure postage but maybe i'm wrong? There was no money in the mail just entries for short story competitions that did have a cash prize but they never arrived. Not to say i'd have won. Plus there's plenty more competitions and i can post them from the town where i work its just its more convenient to walk along the street to my local post office.

I know her and her large family well, she has a husband like i once was and needs every penny she can get to feed her 5 kids so working at a till is the only way she can make ends meet. Many alcoholic's wives have been in the same boat doing it out of sheer desperation.

So i just ACCEPTED she needed the money more than me and kept paying up thinking at least i'm helping her feed her kids. It was only pennies after all and if she'd have asked me for £20 i'd have gladly gave her it.

Her 11 year old daughter is friends with my granddaughter of the same age and we often bring her home presents when were on holiday so she doesn't feel left out because we know she doesn't get much.

But this week the woman went to far, crossed the line of acceptability so to speak so i complained, politely, telling her this has been going on far too long. And from the safety of her bullit proof screen she hit the roof and called the police!

So the upshot is i'm now banned from using this post office for placing the staff in 'a state of fear?'

The police even came to my home later to reiterate the ban.

Was i embarrassed, yes. Upset, of course. Was i working my programme or just playing the saviour?

Now think i've been a fool for not complaining sooner but my wife and i agreed to just let it go because the poor woman is in dire straights.

So lesson learned, if its not right we have to speak up as soon as or once again its people us that end up losing out.

Kind of in-line w/ the Serenity Prayer.Accept what we can't change.Change what we can.The wisdom to know the difference.

Unfortunately, the wisdom to know the difference and serenity are often slow in coming for me.

I try to remember that "fair" is something that comes to town once a year, and often lasts for just a few days.

I sure am grateful -- that I don't have to live in that lady's skin.

Can you imagine -- having to live w/ the mental torture -- that she must experience 24/7 -- as a result of "her self"?

Someone wrote above:

When I accept things, I understand the whole situation or issues with my head, and also surrender to the fact with me heart.

For me, I no longer need to understand the "whole" of situations or issues with my head. And, I don't have to surrender to "the facts."

I simply give up fighting it.

But, sometimes -- I can accept, that it's not time to give up the fight.Sometimes, it can be appropriate and right thing to fight.That's when I have to ask myself "what's it worth" and "is it worth it to me, and all that's involved"?

I've found that the Internet can be a great tool of leverage -- when it's appropriate to fight something -- that ordinarily, I couldn't do anything about it. It can offer me a Higher Power, to bring about changes -- that under normal circumstances -- I would have no power. Blogs -- that are targeted to bringing about awareness to problems are a great way to leverage the solving of problems. Through them, we can often discover that "yes, there are many others that are experiencing this same problem and through our comments -- we can band together -- to bring about much needed changes."

There are times -- when I'll let something like this really burn me up for several days.Other times -- it will go away and then come back periodically for several months. I'll usually be telling myself something like "I'll deal w/ it later but now is not the time."

It will rub like a splinter under my skin and get all red and infected.And, still -- I'll trudge with it.

Then, other times, rarely though -- I'll take out the book and do the Steps on it.It goes away right away -- but then, I end up thinking "I let that SOB off too easy!" LOL.

There is one thing that I can think of right now -- that I've worked on to get rid of after holding on to it for a long time. I guess I was enjoying being so pissed off at the evil doer and I really wanted deep inside me, to go get them and give them what they really deserved! LOL.

I get rid of that thing -- yet, periodically, it will pop right back up!

I haven't been thinking of it for several days now -- but, as I was relating to this -- whammo! There she is occupying space in my head! The BITCH! LOL.

One thing is for SURE: I ain't never going to be perfect and I ain't never going to be a Saint!

I'm NOT one of those fluffy Spiritual Beings having a Human Experience... as some of my more Spiritual brothers & sisters will say it... I'm just a Human Being -- Having real live Human Being Experiences in a Human world, that has a bunch more sick-o people in it -- as sick as I used to be! LOL.

At least I'm grateful now, that I'm better than I used to be -- because, now... I can look down my nose at them!

Yep. I understand stuff. I've had -- and still get, my share and then some.

The good deal is: We stay sober -- and reasonably happy -- most of the time.