Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Not to fade away.

I sleep on my couch every night because I feel a lot safer and for some reason I feel less isolated from the world. When I use to sleep in my bedroom, I felt so alone and scared. I really can't explain my exact feelings but when I would shut my eyes and fall asleep, while sleeping in my bedroom, I felt as though I would disappear. That's right, I would vanish into nothing, if it were possible. Now that I sleep exclusively on my living room couch, I feel a lot more comfortable. However, I sense that I'm being looked at sometimes. Almost as if someone is studying my sleeping habits. If I peer above my couch and look toward the hallway where my bedroom is located, I feel as if someone is standing there watching me. Every time I look up in order to see if anyone truly is there, I see nothing but I still get a little paranoid. Sometimes I look every five to ten minutes. Maybe there isn't anyone there and I'm just getting unnerved for no reason. Believe me, like my auditory hallucinations that can sometimes mimic the sound of a crying baby, I have to question what's real and what's just my mind playing tricks on me. I think that's the struggle that I have to live with every day. I have to figure out the truth and get a solid grip on reality. My existence depends on me fighting off the lies and the confusion that Paranoid Schizophrenia throws at me. I have to take my medication, see my doctor regularly, and pray to God without ceasing, as if my prayer has already been answered. I know I'm not alone, even as if I drift off to sleep on my living room couch.

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About Me

Hello, my name is Eric and I suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia but that shouldn't be any cause for alarm. I'm more than just an illness. I started this blog to share my story and raise awareness to people who aren't familiar with my particular mental illness. I shouldn't be feared because more than anything, I'm just a sweet and caring individual who is doing his best. I"m always looking for friends, so add me if you'd like on Instagram... God Bless!!!