Tag: loveislove

I think it’s time I let you go. It feels impossible to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But the day dreaming, the running in place, replaying my memories… it’s not healthy. I’ve been holding on to the tiniest bit of hope that you’d come around but you haven’t and you aren’t going to. I had hopes and dreams of us lasting a lifetime and instead we lasted a season.

I’ve deleted you and your family from all social media, it only took me a year but it’s a step in the right direction. I’d delete your number but It’d be pointless since I know it by heart. I hate the way this feels, the “letting go” part but I hate the way I feel inside more. I can’t drive to the airport without remembering what it felt like to drive there hand in hand with you, to hug you goodbye and failing at doing my best not to cry. I remember what it felt like to have our time together and how genuinely happy you used to make me. Now I get angry, I should be able to make myself that happy, I should be enough for myself and yet here I am constantly angry, constantly upset and more often than not crying as I lay in bed trying to sleep.

Too many little things remind me of you, so I am left with no choice but to move on. I have to embrace the pain of letting you go, even when it makes me angry. I have to be stronger than the pain in order to survive and thrive again. It’s time that I do what I need to, to find my happiness again. They say happiness is an inside job, so bring on the soul searching.

I don’t care what anybody says. Its not hard to be loyal. Its not hard to be faithful. Its not hard to treat someone right. Its not hard to give someone reassurance. Its not hard to stick to one person. Its not hard to acknowledge someone’s worth. Its not hard to NOT break someone’s heart.

It’s exhausting loving someone and treating someone with their best interest at heart but when do you put your best interest first?

When do you say enough is enough, when do you stop giving so many extra chances?

I’ll always give you my best shot, I’ll always give you 110%. I’ll always give you everything I can but if it starts to seem like a one way relationship or it’s always me trying to make it work. I can’t promise you I’ll stick around.

If I’m giving you my attention and time and I’m involving you in my world or at least attempting to…I am doing it because I want you to be a part of my life, because I want more with you.

Everyone says “I’m not like the rest.” The thing is though I’m not, you just have to give me the chance to prove it. You’ve got to give me a real chance!

This next girl I met through social media. Britt is this stunningly and smoking hot girl who has thousands of followers, I was crushing on her for a good while. She has a bunch of tattoos and the way her smile is so infectious was just mind blowing. Her voice was this raspy but sexy tone and her laugh, I’d do anything to hear it when we spoke. I got the chance to get to know her a bit before she ghosted me, she was a kind and beautiful soul who had been through some rough shit and I wanted to continue to get to know her more. I kept trying to reach out but after 3 days, I let it go.

A little bit over a year went by before I spoke to her again, it was like she came out of nowhere. I was just going through a break up and so was she, we were each other’s ears to listen to. She lived in Tampa and was willing to drive down for the Holiday weekend, I was nervous as hell but super excited. (I hadn’t met her in person yet.) She got in town and I showed her around a bit, it wasn’t awkward or anything at all to my surprise. We ended up going out that night for drinks with a few of my friends, she fit right in and it was kind of surreal in the aspect of the fact that I hadn’t had a day where my ex didn’t cross my mind until that night with Britt.

We had an amazing night out, several drinks and plenty of laughs. We had a heart to heart talk about both of our break ups and I just genuinely felt closer to her in a matter of a few hours. We got home and as we laid down, she placed her head on my chest. I played with her hair for a bit while we kept talking, she was slowly turning her face up towards me when I leaned my head down to meet hers. I sat up some to kiss her, my hand gently resting under her jaw line I pulled her closer into our kiss.

“Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.”

Everything nowadays seems to be about race, culture, religion, body image and popularity. Everyone strives to be “insta famous” or “go viral.” When the world and the human race needs more kindness, more understanding and all around more love. The world needs more GOOD HUMANS.

Do you demonstrate love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, humility, patience, faithfulness, self control, consideration, integrity, dignity and accountability. Do you walk in forgiveness and understanding of others. There are few people today who fall into any of these categories and if you find one, run with that person because that person is positive and someone you can always count on as not just a true friend but a good human.

No one is perfect, no one is consistently any of these qualities above but everyone can try. If everyone tried a little harder every day to even be just a decent human, this world we all live in, this world we are raising kids in would be an even more beautiful place than it already is.

BE A GOOD HUMAN IN YOUR OWN WAY

At the end of the day, you are the one who people will always be thankful for because their lives wouldn’t be the same without you.

Don’t forget we are all ONLY HUMAN!

**if you’d like to get the shirt I’m wearing or any other shirts, hats or stickers! Check out Only Human Co.

You were a mystery to everyone but me, I knew all of your secrets, every curve on your body and I loved that I knew it all while everyone else wondered. Now I sit here, wishing I could forget everything about you, I’m petrified that you’re an intimacy I’ll never recover from.

Opening up my soul, opening up my heart. I’m more than hesitant, I constantly avoid it at all costs. I don’t think I can take another heartbreak because when I let someone in, they end up breaking my heart worse than the previous.

I stopped letting people in, I stayed as a “hookup” for many girls for a while because it was easier than trusting them with my heart.

I let you in though, I let my walls down; I gave you all of me.

I’ve gone through so many ups and downs through this but I know I’ll be okay in the end.

This heartbreak is different than the rest though, it’s a constant ache. This is a heartbreak I won’t forget because it’s the one that made me better, I didn’t turn to other girls, drugs or alcohol to move on from you. I’ve set goals and I’m demolishing them, instead of letting this one break me, I am making my life one that a heartbreak can’t hurt any longer.

I’ll start this one with some background before getting into it. I went to college in West Virginia and most of the sports teams had “team houses” AKA party centrals. There was the football house which was known for the slip and slide, Cornhole, flip cup relay races. The cheerleaders house which was almost always pre-gaming before going out to Wiseguyz and the basketball house which was GACKME party house! We’d always bounce between the houses each week, a crazy blend of people that always got along and had an amazing time.

Fall time in West Virginia is almost all college students favorite time, it’s football season, bonfires, (in West Virginia it means couch burning) and yes parties galore! This one Sunday afternoon in late September our football team stomped on West Virginia Wesleyan, the post game party was at the football house. We all rushed home and showered, rallied and headed down the street to party! The house was packed and the keg stands were already happening, there was a huge bonfire in the backyard and the smell of West Virginia fall was perfect!

We all were outside by the bonfire, drinking, talking and smoking, one of the cheerleaders (we will call her “K”) was talking to me about where I’m from and what Florida was like. It was an innocent conversation at first but as the drinks kept coming we were sitting closer and closer, she was starting to ask about what it’s like to be with a girl and that she had never been curious until recently. I tend to gain liquid courage as I drink, I mean who doesn’t really? So my first response was honest and then she had asked more detailed questions and I said “it’d be easier to just show you.” I could see her cheeks blushing even with the glow of the fire reflecting off her face. We had plenty of alcohol and I took the chance, I placed my hand under her chin and pulled her into my kiss. We sat there kissing for a bit and I said “you know we can leave or just go upstairs.” She grabbed my hand and we walked inside and up the stair way, we went to the bathroom and I shut the door behind us. We stood there kissing for a second and I asked if she was sure about this. She shook her head yes and continued to kiss me, I picked her up, her legs wrapped around my waist, I pushed everything on the edge of the counter away and I placed her there, next to the sink with her back against the mirror. We were kissing and her dress was pushed up above her hips. I slid her thong to the side so I could push my fingers against her clit, she gripped my back and pulled on my shirt so hard it was choking me with the pressure against my throat.

Growing up in my family meant multiple vacations a year in Chokoloskee spent fishing with family and friends. I loved every vacation we had there.

This one year in particular we went with several of my parents friends and their families. I was freshly 21 years old, went through an extremely ugly break up and drinking all kinds of alcohol. My parents one friend Macy, was recently separated from her husband and we had gotten to talking just in general, we had several things in common. We made drinks and spent the first evening there making Jell-O shots for everyone so they could cool over night. We mixed the blue jello with vodka, the red with rum and the green with tequila. We had the place to our selves and were just talking more about our most recent heartbreaks while we took turns passing the left over liquor bottles back and forth taking shots out of each. I came up with the genius idea of playing “Never have I ever.”

Almost everyone knows about this game, it’s a fun way to learn “fun facts” about your friends. The questions vary from “never have I ever kissed a girl” to “never have I ever popped a Molly” to anything else you can think of that you haven’t done, that someone else playing has done. If anyone in the group HAS done it, then they’d have to drink. So now it’s just the two of us playing and obviously we are getting drunk extremely fast.

We were like two teenage girls giggling and leaning into each other on the couch. We had music playing and it was just genuinely a great memory. Macy and I ended up passing out that night on the couch, woke up the next morning around 6am to head out fishing for the day. We were all out on the water for hours that day, came back in for lunch and cooler refills. Before heading back out Macy came walking down the dock in these daisy duke shorts, the top button was undone so her bikini bottoms were peaking through, her tank top was in her hand and her gray bikini top with orange and gold designs was all I could see. I put the boat in neutral and told shouted for her to go out on the water with me this time! I was fishing on my own anyways, some company would be perfect. She hurried up, hopped on and we were off. A side note you need to understand is Choko is also called 10,000 islands. There are so many islands to get lost in and different fishing areas, finding privacy out there isn’t hard at all. So I get the boat on a plane and run south down to one of the fishing spots I know of. As I’m running, I kept glancing over and couldn’t help but to begin to notice how attractive Macy is. Yes she’s much older than I was but she had this short burgundy hair that fit her fave perfectly and when she wasn’t wearing her glasses, I could see these darker green specks in her eyes when the sun hit them at certain angles.

She was sitting next to me and was relatively close to me, but I was comfortable with her so it wasn’t a big deal.

We got to the fishing spot, I slowed the boat to a stop just off the islands ledge and oyster bar. I put the power pole down and rigged both rods up with popping corks while she made us both a drink. We did a “cheers” and cast our lines out, music playing and our conversation started back up from the previous night, talking and spending time with Macy was like hanging out with a long lost friend. I was comfortable, I was able to be myself and I was happy in the moment. After a couple hours of fishing we had gotten a couple keepers and decided to let the boat drift along the back of the islands and we laid out towels and relaxed, enjoying the sunset, music, drinks and salty air. Somehow the conversation turned into Macy questioning if she preferred women over men. I said “I’ve only been with girls that choose men, they tell me there’s a comfort level when they’re with me that they feel safe to explore their curiosity.” She sat half way up, there was a look of relief on her face. I asked what was wrong, she took a big swig from her cup looked at me and said “your parents can’t know this happens.”