How can I establish a trusting relationship with my mentee?

Trust takes time to develop, with some young people requiring more time than others, depending especially on their prior experiences with adults. People often talk about “creating” trust as though it were something we conjure up at will. In reality, trust emerges slowly and tentatively from experiences that create the conditions for it. Such conditions include the following:

Being reliable, consistent, patient, and persistent with your mentee.

Encouraging your Mentee to take the lead in deciding what you will do together.

Telling your mentee what positive qualities or behaviors you see in her or him.

Having fun together and creating shared memories.

Listening to cultivate and communicate understanding rather than giving advice.

It can be tempting to equate the level of trust with the level of communication. But this can be misleading because some mentees are never going to be great “talkers.” What is more important is whether you feel like a friendship is developing; if it is, trust is developing. As in any relationship, trust evolves slowly through the simple process of being together on a regular basis and liking the experience. We rarely take genuine pleasure in the company of people we don’t trust.