A Rocky Horror Purim Shpiel
Lyrics by Jason van Leeuwen,
modifications by Gail Foorman
Mordy(Brad) ÖÖÖÖ
Esther (Janet)ÖÖÖ..
Ahashverosh (Professor)Ö
Haman (Frankenfurter)Ö..
Auf Ruf (Riff Raff)Ö
Yenta (Magenta)ÖÖÖ.
Brandeis (Columbia)Ö
Talmudologist (Narrator).
ChorusÖ
1. Religious Double Feature Purim Spiel (Late Night Double Feature)
Chorus: The Holy One had fun
On the day the earth was done
And the Sabbath ruled the land
Eve and Adam heard
From the mouth of their good Lord
That they ruled the animal clan
But the snake was there
In his clandestine lair
He tempted them with sweet apple jam
Then at a lightening pace
From HaMakom (The Place)
And this is how the message ran:
2. Esther! Esther! (Dammit, Janet)
Mordy: Esther?
Esther: Yes, Uncle Mordy?
Mordy: Iíve got something to say.
Esther: Uh, huh?
Mordy: I really love Ö the skillful way Ö you beat the other girls to the brideís bouquet.
(music starts)
Mordy: You know that I think pork is shvester, Esther,
I donít eat bread ítil Iíve blessed it, Esther,
Shatnez, no, polyester, Esther
Iíve one thing to say and thatís Esther, Esther, Iím a Jew
Vashti the queen was divested, Esther,
Iím certain that it distressed her, Esther,
Now it is your turn to best her, Esther,
Iíve one thing to say and thatís Esther, Esther,
Youíre Jewish, too
Chorus: Hereís a book we think you should learn more of
Six hundred thirteen mitzvahs we must do
W follow every precept of the Torah
Aleph, Samech, Taf Reish,
You must too, hoo, hoo.
Esther: To be honest I thought you were nerdy, Mordy,
I laughed when they all called you shorty, Mordy
Now I see that your faith is so sturdy, Mordy
I have one thing to say and thatís Lordy, Mordy,
We are Jews.
3. Thereís a Light (Thereís a Light)
Esther: In the ancient darkness
Of historyís blight
Burning bright
Thereís a Jewish star
It matters what and who you are
Chorus: Thereís a light
Over at the Persian Palace
Thereís a light
Burning in our deepest place
Thereís a light, light
In the darkness of Di-i-i-aspora life
4. Island in Time Warp (Time Warp)
Auf Ruf: Itís astounding
Time is holy
Gladness takes its toll
But listen closely
Yenta: As if forever
Auf Ruf: As I take the
challah roll
Chorus: We need the Island
Island in time warp
Drinking
That kiddush wine
When the cholent would hit me
And the Lord would be calling
All: Island in time warp again (2x)
5. Messed Up Aggagite (Sweet Transvestite)
Haman: Vos Machst Du? I
See youíve shunned my
Edict to bow down
Iím just a
little brought down because
When I passed
You didnít bow to Haman
Donít get strung out
By the way I look
Donít judge a book
By its cover
Donít have
Much power
Outside the
palace gates
But inside
Iím the worst of marauders
Iím just a messed up Aggagite
(All: Messed up Aggagite)
From Amalekite
Mesopotamia, uh, uh
6. Teach Me (Touch Me)
I was feeling done in
Couldnít win
Iíd only prayed once before
I thought thereís no use aiming
For Bat Mitzvah training
It only leads to splitting
Headache paining
Now all I want to know
Is ďIsrael Hear OĒ
Iíve heard Godís word and I want more
(More, more, more)
Iíll put up no reisistance
Iíll provide assistance
Iíve got a God to thank
For my existence
Teach-a, teach-a, teach-a, teach me
I want to be ho-o-o-ly
Guide me, guide me, provide me
With eternal light
7. Weíll Party With Haman (I Can Make Him a Man)
Randi: Could a meek queen weighing 98 pounds
Endure the kingís wrath
While standing her ground?
Gail: But soon near the throne
While standing alone
She heard the king purr
As he held out the sce- e- ep- ter
Randi: She made him listen and beam
And with cunning
And just a litlle bitty glea hea hea heam
His response was a scream.
8. Donít Heed Him, String Him (Donít Dream It, Be It)
Haman: Whatever happened
to Judge Ito
That bearded, satin-robed frame
As it clung to his backside
I just started to cry
Cause I wanted to be acquitted like OJ
9. Bless the Good Lord, O My Soul (Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul)
Ensemble: Whatever happened to Friday Night?
We dressed up sharp and we felt alright
Itís not the same with out the candelight
When I lit them, Shabbos was divine
I used to dress up in costume and go
To be a part of that Purim show
We sat in the front seat, graggers in tow
That Hamentaschen sure tasted fine
Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!
I really love that Esther scroll!
Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!
I really love that Esther scroll!
Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!
I really love that Esther scroll!
Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul!
I really love that Esther scroll!