Monday, January 03, 2011

You Can Tell A Lot From a Map

The football talking heads love to tell you that "on any given Sunday" any team can beat any other team. This is a lie. While the creation of new rules for the game has helped achieve the long-sought "parity*" that the league has pursued for years, it is clear from this playoff map I just created that there are some constants and consistencies. It almost looks like a map of the country's Westward Expansion.

The Northeast is heavily represented in this year's playoff picture

None of California's three teams made it

None of Florida's three teams made it

Both Texas teams are out

Both Ohio teams are out

Both Pennsylvania teams are in

Bird mascots make up one-third of the playoff teams

We can obviously infer from these facts the following:

Warm weather teams suck

Bill Belichick is a cheater

Rex Ryan, despite his boasting, is not going to the Super Bowl

The Seahawks, while having an awesome stadium, just plain don't belong here

Everything is bigger in Texas, except football

From the Great Plains to the Pacific Ocean, football is over

The East Coast-West Coast debate is settled

Pictures of Brett Favre's package will not be a part of Super Bowl coverage

* The AFC has a combined win count of 130. The NFC's win count is 126. The best division in the AFC, the East, had 36 wins. The best in the NFC, the South, also had 36.

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Jetpacks Junk

Basically...

Back when we were kids, the advertising people told us that "in the future" we'd all be free from disease and living in peace, flying around with our own jetpacks. The future is now...and we're still waiting.