Dangerously low self esteem

My self esteem has been getting the better of me for many years now. Even though im in my early twenties I feel worse then I did about my self then I did when I was 16. I set very high standards for myself in 2 main categories. Career and physical appearance. My job is dead end right now and I don't want to have to go back to the military. Thank you shitty econonmy. My MAIN gripe is about my body. I'm six foot three inches and im a body builder. Even though ppl say I have a good physique ill never be satisfied until I look like the fitness models in the magazines. Im tired of the saying "there's always someone better " For once I want to be that guy. But I don't want to take androgenic anabolic steroids. Secondly, I hate my penis. Even though it falls within the "normal" male white adult size range. I know I can't be alone on this matter. I hate it when I hear female friends talk about how big their ex lovers are. I have no clue how to even begin accepting my self for who I am. Just settling for me is the equivalent to giving up. Ill give up when im dead. And that seems to be the route that im on right now. Because lately its just becoming too much for me to bear. And talking about it with peers would just been too embarrassing even though they may be understanding. I know the rational answers to my problems but coming to terms with them is near impossible. Ive already thought of hurting myself and it seems like a matter of time before I do something bad. Any advice is appreciated.

Your gfs talk about the size of their exes? That sucks. I recommend surrounding yourself with better people. The more positive those people are about you the better you'll probably feel. I know hearing about how beautiful my husband says I am the better I feel. Granted I still don't feel all that great but it helps.

Thank you for your comments and encouragement. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself but we all know its easier said then done. And I agree that I should surround myself with ppl that are not as shallow. Kind of hard though cuz most other bodybuilders I know are really conceited. One thing for sure I do know is that im definitely not that way. I still find it difficult to open up to girls I like and even most ppl in general. For fear of rejection. Social anxiety sucks.

I'm not surprised you feel the way you do, after all, lots of people just expect too much of others. Do you ever realize how some things are never enough for people. If you do something they like they want more and more of it. I'm also not surprised about your social anxiety. It's not just as easy as finding non shallow people, and alot of people are very guarded and selfish. Don't ever judge yourself based on how someone else see's you. I'm not saying there won't be times when you will have to pretend to, just to get by. But that's only if you are being forced to somehow. The only judgement that should matter is your own. Who cares if some girl wants this and that. Remember people who want things the most are usually the people who are never satisfied.

I've never even thought of things that way Ansdr. I guess once the pain and embarrassment took over I got this tunnel vision which made me only focus on the negative things. I think you are right. Ppl are almost never satisified with anything. Everyone wants bigger and better everything. That's juust the American way of life and I also think the same way. I don't think its a bad thing but once I felt like I had no control over a situation I feel helpless and vulnerable. Im asking why is.it.im able to transform my body into this muscular and strong super soldier but not able to do a damn thing about my penis. Which is also the center piece of any guys manhood in general. A friend told me that I wont fully get over all of this until im about thirty because then I would view myself in a more mature capacity and all of this will seem very petty. I can see how it makes sense. I really hope she is right. Also, I really didn't think that anyone would reach out and take the time to offer genuine and compassionate advice to a complete stranger. That right there makes me feel better knowing that there really are nice ppl out there. Thanks again

So about a week ago I had to go to the emergency room and the doc said I have a hernia. And im not supposed to lift anything for a long time and I have to wait until my next appointment. I havnt worked out in a week and feel completely worthless and I've already lost a lot of muscle. On a side note. My hernia is in my groin. And the doctor that had to examine me happened to be really pretty. So I was terrified because im so self conscious of my penis. When I was leaving and walking out I seen the doc and I swear to god I heard her joking about my penis to a hot nurse. Then they both looked at me. I've been thinking of ways to kill myself and its only a matter of time now.

You've said you are in the "normal" range. That makes it unlikely that the doctor would be commenting like that. Too unprofessional to risk it. Also, I know that if I feel self-conscious about something, I'm sure people are saying things - and it makes me feel worse and more self-conscious and more convinced that people are saying more things...

I'd also like to say that in reality, "size" isn't the main issue. It's the relationship, caring, and affection that all go together to make good sex, not the size of a man's penis (or the size of a woman's breasts, etc.).

I hope you can step back and go more easy on yourself. Steroids are very dangerous - lots of side-effects that are actually counter-productive. Like yourself for who you are, and the people who really matter will like you.

2ndcity it sounds to me like you may have some form of inferiority complex. Possibly even BDD. At the very least you're too hard on yourself and strive for perfection. Maybe you watch porns where the guys are almost always bigger then average if not big and then you compare yourself to them.

I also agree with Acy on the point that their are so many more important things in a relationship, unless you're well below average then size really isn't in an issue. If a girl needs a guy who is above average or big then that's her problem.

Try writing down all of the things you don't like about yourself and fully accept them once you can do that I think you'll be much more happy with yourself, less self conscious.

Regarding AAS Or steroids they're not really dangerous if you use them properly. IMO if you use them wisely waiting until you're in your mid twenties, having done plenty off research, about PCT and everything their will still be some risk but fairly minimal. An abscess or not having your testosterone restore properly after doing a proper PCT are the only real worries.

All AAS derive from testosterone which is a natural hormone. If your testosterone level is low for some reason due to old age or any other reason a doctor in many cases will prescribe testosterone for you. Low testosterone can cause fatigue, lack of confidence, mood issues, etc quite similar symptoms to depression.

You are very right. If I can get over a few hurdles im sure ill be fine. I've always set the bar very high for myself. Then when life kicks my ass for kong periods of time I don't know what to do. Ive already done a mild pro hormone with a proper PCT with clomid and milk thistle and it went very well. I just think that I shouldn't mess with my hormones until.im in my 30s or older because im only 23. Once I got out of the military life has been rough. I was this well respected Marine Corps sergeant. In the real world it doesn't mean shit. And yes I did watch a little too much porn. That's what happens when you are overseas for a long time. And all my buddies that bragged about their large penises always had very high self esteem. Most girls I know are very shallow too. I just need help getting past the fear of rejection and humiliation. People are cruel.

You are very right. If I can get over a few hurdles im sure ill be fine. I've always set the bar very high for myself. Then when life kicks my ass for kong periods of time I don't know what to do. Ive already done a mild pro hormone with a proper PCT with clomid and milk thistle and it went very well. I just think that I shouldn't mess with my hormones until.im in my 30s or older because im only 23. Once I got out of the military life has been rough. I was this well respected Marine Corps sergeant. In the real world it doesn't mean shit. And yes I did watch a little too much porn. That's what happens when you are overseas for a long time. And all my buddies that bragged about their large penises always had very high self esteem. Most girls I know are very shallow too. I just need help getting past the fear of rejection and humiliation. People are cruel.

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If you can do your best not to be too hard on yourself it will make things a lot easier. As you probably know some people can mess up their natural hormone production being too young, if they stay on too long or don't know what their doing. In that sense it's good you're going to wait it out, like the old saying it's better to be safe then to be sorry. You gotta weigh the long term risks versus the short term reward.

You seem like an intelligent guy, hard working guy ,being a sergeant in the real world may not mean much in the real world so to speak however it's still something that took a lot of hard work and dedication. People who enlist for their country are certainly admirable for putting their life on the line for others.

Looking at porn can sort of do that you you because you're comparing yourself to guys whom for the most part are a good amount bigger then average. A lot of your guy friend are probably average sized and they boast about being bigger then average to feed their ego. It's like with BDD you may be quite muscular and see yourself as skinny or anorexia a form of BDD they look in the mirror when their extremely thin and see themselves as fat. These guys may have the opposite of that, lol... Along the lines off Illusory superiority. Check it out on wikipedia if you like but basically it's when you're the same as someone else but view yourself as better.

It's sad but true women can be quite shallow our whole society is shallow for the most part. If people are too caught up on looks that's their problem not yours. Looks are only superficial.

Rejection isn't pleasant for anyone people like to put others down to make themselves feel better and superior. I agree there is far too much cruelty in this world. Generally if someone is being cruel it's because they have issues it's not something you should take personally.

I sincerely appreciate your words of wisdom. I like how you perceive the world around u. Its like u take a step back so you can absorb everything. Its good to know that there are people out there that care. Best of luck to you in your endeavors.