The ExChristian.Net blog exists for the express purpose of encouraging those who have decided to leave Christianity behind. This area contains articles sent in between January 2001 and February 2010. To view recent posts, click on the "Home" link.

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I have heard more than one preacher make the statement that “ Hell’s borders are constantly having to be expanded because so many are dying in their sins!”

After reading the front-page article of my local newspaper and seeing its corresponding web page, I know it’s true. At least the expanding borders part. The headline trumps, Hawkins County Commission Set To Consider Resolution Recognizing God.

Just recently our state legislators wisely denied a state resolution, so now our wonderful local elected officials think they need to take up the cause. I wish that I could shortly report that they decided the state officials were right, but I fear that won’t be the result in this god-fearing little town! Just like terrorists, you get rid of one and three more pop up!

To me, this confirms the existence of hell. It’s right here on earth! The ever-expanding zealot fervor of the religiously insane has, is, and will always make life here on earth continual hell! From our poor excuse of a president, right down to local government, we must face that fact.

My dear rational, freethinking friends we are in a border expanding hell of blind shepards leading gullible sheep. Sadly, someday it might lead to the destruction of us all!

I end this little tirade on the happy note of knowing I for one am no longer a willing participant in such expansion projects. Unfortunately, I now must deal with the real hell it creates for those whose eyes are not clouded by the mists of myths & superstitions.

Traditionally, Evangelical Christianity is at odds with environmentalists and environmentalism claims. God is supposedly in control of the world and nothing can destroy the world before HE is ready to do it himself just prior to the final judgment.

In my opinion this is just one more symptom of attempts being made by the Meme of superstitious Christianity to remain relevant to an increasingly more educated population. This is but one more example of how thinking people realize that Christianity must change and adapt in order to survive into the future. Of course God never changes, so this presents a dilemma for the true Christian. If Christianity is changing and God never changes then there is a contradiction going on somewhere.

No matter how you interpret this WWJ Drive ad, it sure is funny.

Q: What would Jesus drive?

Public transit or private car? Stick shift or automatic? A sport-utility vehicle roomy enough for all 12 apostles or an economy model?

Perhaps Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury.''

In Psalm 83 the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Another scripture indicates that Yahweh favored Dodge pickup trucks. Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain until "the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."

Then it may be that Jesus would drive a Honda, although he wouldn't talk about it. In St. John's gospel Christ tells a crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say.'"

And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles carpooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."

This is a very short diary of my thoughts from about the time I started to have doubts about the genuiness of my Christian faith, to the time of my deconversion.

I had been a Bible believer for about 6 years when I began writing down thoughts. Toward the end, as you will see, I was one miserable and confused SOB.

If anyone has any thoughts, let me here from you.

January 1985

A man is what he say’s he is, not what he appears to be, or what he claim’s to be, but what his conversation reveals him to be. The inner man is revealed by his words. The tongue and the heart are always in complete fellowship. Matthew 12:34-37.

Don’t try to explain bible doctrine to a lost person. The only thing they should be acquainted with is the gospel of the crucified Christ. They will be forever curious about things they disagree with. When their curiosity surfaces, share Christ crucified. Never get into an unnecessary conversation about doctrine with them, especially, if before hand, you believe they might disagree with you. Phillipians 2:14.

Complete surrender is necessary for salvation. If I am not willing to die for Christ, then he is not mine. Upon acceptance of Christ, one possesses all of Christ. Will He dwell in a temple that is not entirely His? Will He enter a heart that He cannot control? Will He save that soul that is not completely surrendered? Matthew 16:24-26.

February

I am troubled over this theology of “willingness”. I have often thought to my self and told God, “I am willing to go where ever, do what ever, and be who ever you want me to be”. I am beginning to wonder if God is pleased with willingness. Take the word “willing”, and write it next to the word “desire”. You see a difference. The definitions go from: “favorably inclined”, to, “an intense longing”. Willingness seams to be nothing more than indifference. Is God seeking those who have a “take it or leave it” attitude concerning His will, or those who will settle for nothing less than His will?

February 1986

Through lack of discipline, I have neglected these notes for a year. Many thoughts of great importance are gone, never to be recalled. What can be more important than the meditations of my mind? If they can’t be recalled, then whatever good may be in them can’t be applied. If they can’t be applied, then I waste a lot of time.

God has been faithful to me, as I have been studying some subjects these past few months. Subjects that there seems to be much disagreement over. I have based my beliefs on the teachings of man for so long that, when challenged, I have been without defense. I find there is no one I agree with and I find no one genuinely desiring the truth. My stand on these subjects is not dogmatic. I am open for spiritual persuasion.

Water baptism : Defended as necessary for salvation by some, as an outward sign of obedience by others. What is the mode? Sprinkling, pouring, immersion. Who's name do you speak during the ceremony? (Matthew 28:19, Acts 2:38) The arguments have been made for years. I wonder if water baptism, whatever its mode or purpose, might have ceased with the end of the apostolic age. (The completion of the New Testament.)

Holy Ghost baptism : Misunderstood by many, especially those in Pentecostal denominations. Upon acceptance of Christ, He comes to dwell in us and places us into his spiritual body. This “baptism”, or “placing into” is explained in the later part of 1 Cor. 12:13.

Tongues : Cults have sprung up around this spiritual gift stunting the spiritual growth of millions. I have never seen it done according to the scriptures. (1 Cor. 14) I believe it ceased with the apostolic age.

Tithing : I am amazed at how man finds it difficult to live under the grace of God and is therefore constantly placing himself under the law of God. A person should give of their money, (Which is Gods money upon salvation.) as moved by God. God is to be glorified, not paid back.

Eternal Salvation : Will God take this gift of salvation back when a person sins? This is another doctrine that strengthens denominational barriers. I have yet to find substantial scriptural evidence for ether belief, but I find it hard to grasp the idea of God snatching so precious a gift out of the heart of a Christian because of the sinful nature once again regaining control of the individual. It seems contrary to His nature to give us this “pearl of great price”, out of love and divine grace, as unworthy as we are, to then tear it from within us the moment we perform unworthily.

Pastoral Duty : In my Christian experience, the Pastor of the church has stood in front of the congregation three times a week and preached a sermon at them. Surely this is not New Testament worship. I see nothing in this practice but following the traditions of men. During the average church service, there is little room for the Lord to move people’s hearts. Everything is so predictable. Seldom have I attended church expecting to meet with God. The question then is,” Why go to church?”, or if we do go, ”What will we do if we don’t here a sermon?” The only answer can be - “surely God will show us.”

The Holy Trinity : I never considered this doctrine as questionable. I couldn’t understand it, but neither could anyone else. It seems that the scriptures do show a plurality in the Godhead, but I don’t believe this plurality is a separation of persons, but a distinction of attitudes, or modes of operation that God uses in dealing with man.

April

A true test of humility doesn’t occur very often, but when it does occur, Christians often fail. To admit you’re wrong after a minor remark, is no great feat of the humble attributes. Consider this test :

1) A doctrinal belief you have had for years has never been challenged until now.

2) All you can do to meet this challenge is to quote other people, not scripture.

3) Substantial biblical and historical evidence is given to prove your belief wrong.

4) The person presenting this evidence is physically, emotionally, and spiritually younger than you, and he is also from a different denomination.

5) If you are wrong, then so is everybody you have believed in for so long.But remember; truth in one area does not prove infallibility, and error in one area does not prove carnality.

This past week I have been experiencing thoughts and feelings I haven’t felt before. After many months of studying books on the tongues movement, water baptism, the book of Acts, and discussing these subjects with a member of a different denomination, I am wondering if I know anybody who is experiencing genuine biblical salvation. I know of nobody who is living in the manner that is spoke of in the scriptures, especially myself. In considering Matthew chapter 5, 6, and 7, the attitudes spoken of by Jesus the Christ are nonexistent in the lives of professing Christians that I have encountered. All I have met are foolish men. (Matt. 7:26) I have lived the life of a foolish man. There has been little audible, and much less visible evidence to support my profession of faith. Why talk about it if I’m not living it?

June

I have reached a point in my life, which I guess could be called a valley. A spiritual Death Valley. It seams as though I have abandoned all that I once believed. Faith in the claims of the scriptures seems to be so weak, almost undetectable. I can’t honestly say that I have experienced anything during my walk as a Christian that would confirm what I claim to believe. I can offer no testimony of answered prayer, no victory over sinful tendencies, no boldness in sharing the bible with others. Maybe I have not been, as the Bible says, “born again”. Could it be that I have mistaken an intellectual curiosity, for scriptural faith? I wonder if the gospel seed that was sown many years ago, in my heart, found only rocky places where the soil was shallow. (Matt. 13) I want so badly to accept the spiritual claims of the Bible, but I find no evidence to support those claims. The evidence I am looking for is in the lives of those who call themselves Christians. I have read of people who could be called meek, merciful, pure in heart, and persecuted. (Matt. 5) People such as David Brainard, Reese Howels, and Richard Warmbrand, but I have never been acquainted with even one such person in the flesh. Where are all the “Christians”? Is the spiritual aspect of the Bible all fairy tales? Where are the over comers (1John 5:4,5), where are the lovers (1John 3:14-18), where are the righteous (1John 3:4-10), where are the holy (1Peter 1:13-16), where are the wise (James 4:17,18), where are the good (Titus 3:1-8)? Does anybody posses these God-given qualities? Does anyone really care more about his brother than he does for himself? I want to be one of those people, but for right now, I would settle for just meeting one.

December

It has been six months sense my last entry. As I can see, nothing has changed. My mind is very cold toward God, yet my relationship with my wife and boys has seemingly not been affected by my turmoil and complacency about religious matters. Emotionally, I’m fine. I don’t break down and weep, I don’t lose my temper, and I don’t fall into deep states of depression. My job performance is unaffected. So, how has my abandonment of all religious exercise affected my life? I don’t go to church, pray, witness, tithe, study the scriptures, etc., yet I’m still a productive member of this society. The only reason that I am not a very happy person seems to be that I miss being “religious”. I miss the routine, the theological arguments, the holy feelings, the confidence that I wasn’t going to spend eternity in hell with the heathens, yet I don’t seem to miss God. The only reason I can see, that I don’t miss God, is that I have never known Him personally, intimately. I’ve known Him only from what I have heard and read. Is that how you get to know the creator of the universe . . . talk about Him, read about Him? I think I really want to know the true God. I want to leave all ideas that I have about him, in the past. Even those that were truth, because I have no way of knowing truth from a lie at this point in my life. I just can’t trust my judgment in these matters. I must be taught by God Himself. I want God to teach me what a real servant of His must live like, inwardly and outwardly. I want to belong to Him, as a servant.

May 1987

Since my last entry, in my judgment, there has been no spiritual improvement. There seems to be definite signs of worldliness in my attitudes and actions. Two years ago I would have been in agony over my thoughts and my choice of words at certain moments. I am obsessed with photography. I spend a lot of time thinking about equipment and techniques. I feel guilty about this, but I’m unsure why . . .it is my job.

December 1989

Over the past two months I have had a renewed interest in God. The desires of wanting to trust Him, obey Him, rest in Him, and really get to know Him, have started to stir in me. The confidence that I once had, that God was real, has been revived. I have prayed for the first time in over a year. I have talked to Josh about the Lord for the first time in over two years. He still remembers and is still sensitive. I asked Caleb who God is, and he didn’t know . . .had no idea. This hit me very hard. I spent the 19th of last month with Don. This was beneficial and, I believe, instrumental in my renewed desire for the Lord. My heart was dealt with as Don spoke. This is what I have prayed for recently. Thank you Lord.

September 1990

Since my last entry, I have had very little thought of God. Occasionally a twinge inside, maybe a little desire left, trying to surface. Maybe the Spirit of God? I don’t know. I don’t think like a child of God. I don’t talk like a child of God. I don’t react like a child of God. I don’t live like a child of God.Am I a child of God??? I refuse to be a “sham” Christian. I will be real, or nothing. Terry and Ray visited last weekend. Since then I have had renewed interest in the truth. But I believe I want the truth simply to prove others wrong. Can I seek after the Lord as much as I seek after the truth? Is finding the answers as important as finding the Lord? Where do I stand with God? Am I a Christian or an infidel? Have I been born again or deceived? Is Christ my savior or my judge? I honestly don’t know. Do I want to know???

October 1991

Since September 1990, I have not talked to any Christians except The Smiths in June of this year. Where are they? Do you have to go to church to find Christians? Well, I’ve tried that before . . . they’re not there. My spiritual condition is unchanged. I dislike most people. Their attitudes ether anger me or bore me. My faith in God is dwindling daily. I love my wife and boys dearly though . . . why can’t I love God?

May 1995

My spiritual and emotional condition is disastrous. I see myself as a complete failure in every area of my life. I feel I am as close to being a ship lost at sea in a hurricane as a man can be. I don’t know which direction to try to steer toward, therefore, I drift, a victim of my circumstances. I am inconsistent, indecisive, temperamental, lazy, thoughtless, uncaring, vulgar. I hate my job and the people I work for. All this affects my family adversely. My boys aren't given or shown discipline. My wife worries about me. I am rapidly approaching 40 and my future is bleak. I don’t look fondly at my past because of where it has led me, financially, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Where can I find relief? How can this downward spiral be halted? I need to find rest somewhere, somehow, or I am going to sink!

May 1996

No change. One year and no change. My entry from last year could be written again, word for word.

April 2000

In a matter of a few hours, the answer to my suffering for the past twenty five years has appeared. I now see with telescopic vision what has been hidden from view by superstition. It’s as if I have been released from leg chains in the hold of an 18th century slave ship and transported to a world of such natural beauty that I can’t find a point to begin observing it for fear that I will miss something in another location. The truth has broken through the thick shroud of old bible leather that has covered my eyes for so long.

There is no god!Christianity is the biggest fraud that mankind has ever exposed himself to!The bible is the work of men. It is a mixture of one part fact, to five parts fiction.Science, not religion, is the source of truth in the world.

The guilt, self doubt, and worry that plagued nearly every waking moment of my life for the past twenty five years, has been replaced with a new wonder, a sense of adventure, and a freedom that can only be had when one is no longer shackled to a belief system that threatens to punish you for every human thought, word, or deed. There is no heaven, no hell, only birth, and death, and what ever you can learn, enjoy, and contribute in between.

August

There is so much to observe, absorb, ingest. I feel like a child. Like a vacuum, sucking up everything I see and hear. My god’s are: life, love, knowledge, truth, and pleasure. I believe this journal is complete.

lets_reason@yahoo.com

The Necessity of Atheism

If he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear him? If he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning our future? If he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue him with our prayers? If he is everywhere, why erect temples to him? If he is just, why fear that he will punish the creatures that he has filled with weaknesses? If grace does everything for them, what reason would he have for recompensing them? If he is all-powerful, how offend him, how resist him? If he is reasonable, how can he be angry at the blind, to whom he has given the liberty of being unreasonable? If he is immovable, by what right do we pretend to make him change his decrees? If he is inconceivable, why occupy ourselves with him? IF HE HAS SPOKEN, WHY IS THE UNIVERSE NOT CONVINCED? If the knowledge of a God is the most necessary, why is it not the most evident and the clearest.Percy Bysshe Shelley

Either God wants to abolish evil, and cannot; Or he can, but does not want to; Or he cannot and does not want to. If he wants to, but cannot, he is impotent. If he can, but does not want to, he is wicked. But, if God both can and wants to abolish evil, then how come evil is in the world?Epicurus

Ingersoll's Vow:

When I became convinced that the Universe is natural -- that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood, the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell, the dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts, and bars, and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world -- not even in infinite space. I was free -- free to think, to express my thoughts -- free to live to my own ideal -- free to live for myself and those I loved -- free to use all my faculties, all my senses -- free to spread imagination's wings -- free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope -- free to judge and determine for myself -- free to reject all ignorant and cruel creeds, all the "inspired" books that savages have produced, and all the barbarous legends of the past -- free from popes and priests -- free from all the "called" and "set apart" -- free from sanctified mistakes and holy lies -- free from the fear of eternal pain -- free from the winged monsters of the night -- free from devils, ghosts and gods. For the first time I was free. There were no prohibited places in all the realms of thought -- no air, no space, where fancy could not spread her painted wings -- no chains for my limbs -- no lashes for my back -- no fires for my flesh -- no master's frown or threat -- no following another's steps -- no need to bow, to cringe, or crawl, or utter lying words. I was free. I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously, faced all worlds. And then my heart was filled with gratitude, with thankfulness, and went out in love to all the heroes, the thinkers who gave their lives for the liberty of hand and brain -- for the freedom of labor and thought -- to those who fell on the fierce fields of war, to those who died in dungeons bound with chains -- to those who proudly mounted scaffold's stairs -- to those whose bones were crushed, whose flesh was scarred and torn -- to those by fire consumed -- to all the wise, the good, the brave of every land, whose thoughts and deeds have given freedom to the sons of men. And then I vowed to grasp the torch that they had held, and hold it high, that light might conquer darkness still. Robert G. Ingersoll

The bizzare nature of modern Christianity just keeps getting more and more irrational. As a few of the recent posters have noted, in order to believe in Jesus and the message of the cross, you have to put your reasoning abilities on the shelf.

Nothing in Christianity makes sense to a normal thinking human being. In order for it all to be acceptable to your mind, you have to deny reality and just believe.

I suppose with those sort of superstitious ideas in rumbling around in someone's head, having a cross in orbit makes complete sense.

TUPELO — Walter Houston, described by family members as a devoted Christian, died Monday after waiting 70 years for God to give him clear direction about what to do with his life.

"He hung around the house and prayed a lot, but just never got that confirmation," his wife Ruby said. "Sometimes he thought he heard God's voice, but then he wouldn't be sure, and he'd start the process all over again."

Houston, she says, never really figured out what his life was about, but felt content to pray continuously about what he might do for the Lord. Whenever he was about to take action, he would pull back "because he didn't want to disappoint God or go against him in any way," Ruby says. "He was very sensitive to always remain in God's will. That was primary to him."

Friends say they liked Walter though he seemed not to capitalize on his talents.

"Walter had a number of skills he never got around to using," says longtime friend Timothy Burns. "He worked very well with wood and had a storyteller side to him, too. I always told him, 'Take a risk. Try something new if you're not happy,' but he was too afraid of letting the Lord down."

To his credit, they say, Houston, who worked mostly as a handyman, was able to pay off the mortgage on the couple's modest home. •

Abundant Living Ministries is dedicated to saving people from their evil, heathen ways, and from the eternity in Hell that they believe comes with such sinfulness. What better way to attract the pagan, devil worshiping public, than with a haunted house on Halloween? After all, as the pastor says, "Halloween is the high holy day for Satanism."

The house, called "Scream House", is promoted as an ordinary haunted house, appropriate for children as young as 10, and featuring, in addition to the house itself, food, a climbing wall, a dunk tank, etc. Good family fun!

Once parents plunk down the $5.00 per person admission fee, they and their children are treated to scenes, not of ghosts and goblins, but of teens overdosing on drugs, spousal abuse, murder and a woman killing herself with a gun. The scenes are apparently very realistic, the last scene included visitors being splattered with fake blood.

The church is completely unapologetic about the deception involved, including lying regarding the age appropriateness of the activity.

AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that *tolerates* homosexuals."

--Jerry Falwell, 1993

"The right of holding slaves is clearly established in the Holy Scriptures, both by precept and example."

--R. Furman, Baptist, of South Carolina

"The doctrine that the earth is neither the center of the universe nor immovable, but moves even with a daily rotation, is absurd, and both philosophically and theologically false, and at the least an error of faith."

--Catholic Church's decision against Galileo Galilei

The Earth is degenerating these days. Bribery and corruption abound. Children no longer mind their parents, every man wants to write a book, and it is evident that the end of the world is fast approaching.

- Assyrian Stone Tablet, c.2800BC

God gave the savior to the German people. We have faith, deep and unshakeable faith, that he [Hitler] was sent to us by God to save Germany."

"Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact. Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. ... Only atheists could accept this Satanic theory."

--Jimmy Swaggart

"To assert that the earth revolves around the sun is as erroneous as to claim that Jesus was not born of a virgin." -

--Cardinal Bellarmine, 1615, during the trial of Galileo

[Planned Parenthood] is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism -- everything that the Bible condemns.

-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television program, April 9, 1991

The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.

-- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992

Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.

-- Pat Robertson, interview with Molly Ivins, 1993.

Better a pink bottom than a black soul.

-- Rev. Lester Roloff, defending his punitive child-control techniques. Roloff was jailed in 1973 and again in 1975 for child abuse.

"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."

--George Herbert Walker Bush, Former U. S. President, 1988.

Our culture is superior. Our culture is superior because our religion is Christianity and that is the truth that makes men free.

--Pat Buchanan

"We don't have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand."

--James Watt, Secretary of the Interior during the Regan years.

"When you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation."

--Brice Wellington

"Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody's pseudo-right to worship an idol."

"When the Christian majority takes over this country, there will be no satanic churches, no more free distribution of pornography, no more talk of rights for homosexuals. After the Christian majority takes control, pluralism will be seen as immoral and evil and the state will not permit anybody the right to practice evil."

--Gary Potter, president of Catholics for Christian Political Action

"We're going to bring back God and the Bible and drive the gods of secular humanism right out of the public schools of America."

''We are completely void of anything to do with God. Teachers can't touch a child - even to hug a crying child. Young boys are on Ritalin and a lot of the problem is because we have a female-dominated educational system which tries to make little boys act like little girls.''

--William "Bill" Murray, addressing the "God and Country II" rally, speaking about the need for prayer & Bible recitations in school

"The public school system is damned. Let me tell you how radical I am. Christian students should be in Christian schools. If you have to sell your car, live in a smaller house, or work a night job, put your child in Christian schools. If you can't afford it, homeschool."

Rail as they will about 'discrimination,' women are simply not endowed by nature with the same measures of single-minded ambition and the will to succeed in the fiercely competitive world of Western capitalism."

--Pat Buchanan (11/22/83)

"It's very healthy for a young girl to be deterred from promiscuity by fear of contracting a painful, incurable disease, or cervical cancer, or sterility, or the likelihood of giving birth to a dead, blind or brain-damaged baby (even ten years later when she may be happily married)."

--Phyllis Schlafly, founder and leader of the Eagle Forum

"When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "Stop!" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn."

--Mormon Guide to Self-Control

"I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss."

[Pat Robertson]

"Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many were homosexuals -- the two things seem to go together"

[Pat Robertson, ADL report on Religious Right, page 131]

There will never be world peace until God's house and God's people are given their rightful place of leadership at the top of the world. How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communist, atheists, New age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists, oppressive dictators, greedy money changers, revolutionary assassins, adulterers and homosexuals are on top."

[Pat Robertson]

"Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest."

[Jimmy Swaggart]

"The only way we can determine the true age of the earth is for God to tell us what it is. And since He has told us, very plainly, in the Holy Scriptures that it is several thousand years in age, and no more, that ought to settle all basic questions of terrestrial chronology."

[Henry Morris, ICR President, 1974]

"...this monkey mythology of Darwin is the cause of permissiveness, promiscuity, prophylactics, perversions, pregnancies, abortions, pornotherapy, pollution, poisoning and proliferation of crimes of all types."

Christianity advertises itself as espousing the epitome of love. Ist John 4:16, We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. Then we are taught that although people can experience love outside the framework of a Christian understanding, the love people have is inferior to the love of God. Romantic, or brotherly love is within the experience of the average person, but Agape love, the highest form of love, can only be experienced by those who have a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

When I was a Christian, I accepted this message. I believed that the Love of God was far superior to "base" human love. Human love was characterized as self-serving, looking for selfish advantage for the individual accompanied with little real care for any other person. In contrast, God’s love is giving and selfless, always looking for the best for others.

Is this really what plays out in the real life experience of the individual Christian?

No one in my family was a real Christian. I stood alone in a family of unbelievers for years. In love I witnessed to them. In love, I prayed for them. In love, I agonized over the ultimate destiny of their eternal souls. I was disappointed time and again by their rejection of my loving offers of salvation in Christ. As time went on and their refusal to repent seemed impervious to my loving solicitations, I had to accept the reality that my family would be spending eternity in eternal torment while I would be amongst the Lord’s chosen enjoying eternal bliss. I found comfort in the words of Jesus telling my to shake the dust off of my feet. I found encouragement when I read that anyone who loved parents or wife, etc. more than HIM was not worthy to be HIS disciple. In the face of unanswered prayers for my relatives, I lovingly hardened my heart against them. My brother lived a Christ-less life, and I continued to diligently pray for him. Then one day I received a call from my mother. My brother had been in a fatal one-car accident. He never did say the sinner’s prayer, take an alpha course on Christianity or make any gesture toward accepting Christ at all. In my mind there was no escaping the probability that my brother’s voice was now joining the screams of the damned in hell.

My faith in a Sovereign God was such that I had a great peace at the time. I was sad, of course, but did not go through the mind numbing grief I saw my sisters and parents go through. At the time I attributed my strength to the Peace of God which passes all understanding.

Feeling the love of God coursing through my veins, I took the initiative a few days after the funeral to witness to my parents and encourage them to accept Christ as their Lord and personal Savior. My words fell on deaf ears, and my intended compassion was received as callous to the horrific grief they were going through. My brother was 29 when he died just a few days short of his 30th birthday. My parents had just lost their son, and now their oldest son was telling them in so many words that one of their sons was in hell. Of course I didn’t intend my message that way. I only wanted to be assured that they would spend eternity in heaven with the God of Love.

What I was taught as a Christian to think of as compassion, played out in reality as indifference to the feelings of others.

This event eventually helped motivate me to aggressively examine the inconsistencies in Christianity, to see if the stock apologetics would stand up under harsh scrutiny. Resolving the dichotomy between believing in an all-loving deity who was brutally torturing my brother forever was an obstacle I began to struggle with. I also came to realize just how cold and callous I had become to the feelings of others in my quest to win them for the kingdom. I told myself that I was only doing the will of my heavenly father by warning my relatives of the wrath to come. I was risking their rejection of me, I thought, and was really going the extra mile to try and woo them into the kingdom. What I now realize is that I totally lacked empathy for the terrible grief they were suffering. Instead of offering them my love, I alienated myself from them, virtually depriving them of another son. I was an ass.

What is the point of this story?

Christianity claims to soften the sinner’s heart, filling them with the love of God. In reality the Christian’s heart is hardened to the plight of anyone outside the faith. John the Apostle tells his readers not to even bid unbelievers Godspeed. Paul says he wishes anyone who believes a different gospel to be accursed. Jesus tells a man who wishes to bury his father to let the dead bury their dead.

How could I ever enjoy the pleasures of heaven, praising the same God who is hurting my parents and siblings? How could I ever do it unless I had been fully inoculated against human love and filled with the compassionate indifference of Agape love. God’s love is certainly different from human love, but it is definitely not superior. The point is, far from giving me a more loving and giving outlook on life, I instead became quite insensitive.