Will It Be Enough?

When my husband and I first married, he was a policeman. He seemed to enjoy his work, so I was surprised when he talked to me one April about his desire to go to dental school and be a dentist like his father.

He told me he needed about a year of prerequisites before he could apply. It was alright for me to work while he was in school; we had no children. That is until January of the next year, when Sarah Elizabeth was born. It was eight months before dental school would start. About this time I also learned that I had to complete my masters degree within a certain time frame in order to keep my teaching certificate.

I was overwhelmed. I had the summer with Sarah and then I returned to work.

I had a spot being held for me in the kindergarten where I had worked before. I looked for Mary Poppins to watch Sarah, but never found her. Sarah, and later Emily, went through sitters at home (both good and bad) and daycare.

I knew this was the way things worked in our society. Many women worked and put their child or children in daycare. I do not judge any woman; each woman needs to do what she is called to do. Some women do not have a choice; they need to work to help support their families. I was never a part of the “mommy wars”.

But my calling, my heart’s desire, was to be at home with my children. I did not want to miss all the firsts, and I basically loved spending my day with Sarah, and then Emily. I kept teaching, and working on my masters degree every semester, although I was very unhappy.

I finished my masters degree about three weeks before Emily was born, which was about the time Bryan’s senior year of Dental School began.

At the end of Bryan’s senior year, I resigned my teaching position. Bryan would be doing a residency, and I would finally get to be the “mom at home” that I had wanted to be for four years. I don’t know if I have ever been more excited than when that change occurred.

I brought home the teaching supplies that I had purchased or designed and put them in the corner of the utility room. I would not have said this aloud to anyone, but I wondered to myself, will this be enough? I wondered if I would miss compliments from my peers or the administration, and no longer having that professional status.

I laugh when I think of that day. Being home was more than I ever thought or imagined it would be. I would not trade my years at home with my girls for anything.

Last Thursday, I went to clean out my school room and bring home the teaching supplies that I had purchased. I was not excited this time; no children were waiting at home for me. I loved teaching and all it encompassed, but I had to leave this time because of my health. I also knew that it was probably the end of my teaching career.

My little CRV is loaded with my teaching supplies out in the driveway, and I plan to unload a little at a time, so I can find a place for everything before I bring it into the house. And once again, I find myself wondering, will this be enough?

I can’t see the future, but somehow I think it will be.

Just another season of a woman’s life.

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2 thoughts on “Will It Be Enough?”

I have watched you through each of these life adjustments. I watched you work while being a first time mom, expecting your second child, and getting your Masters degree while helping support your family while your husband finished dental school. You did it all so well. I watched as you home schooled three girls, thus teaching three grades at once and doing it well. I know you love teaching. I am sure as you move on to the next phase of your life you will do as well as you did the other things handed to you. You have many skills and interests and I’m anxious to see what you will do with them.

I followed a great role model when I was learning about being a mom. I would think,”Now what would Mom do?” as we reached each new stage. Thanks for the compliment. Now I only hope that I can age as gracefully as you have, and to be the grandmother that you are.