I'm moonlighting as someones else's bitch...

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About Me

I am a stay at home mom to 4 kids, 14,10,8,& 4. I am a bit high strung and not proud of it. I like things to be clean. I yell a lot. I am a sort of jack of all trades, master of none. I am honest, don't like getting old, wish I was cooler than I am. I am sucker for celebrity gossip, good raunchy jokes and overpriced skin care.

Therapy Disclaimer

I am a reluctant stay at home mom nearing the end of my term. I am a recovering "Suzy Homemaker". I curse. I say what's on my mind. I hope that I say things that other people are thinking, just don't have the guts to say. I hope to make people laugh at or with me. I hope not to offend too many people, but know there have been a few and am quite certain there will be several more.

So, if you are looking for a dysfunctional view on mothering, being a woman , and life- you may not be disappointed here. If you are still Suzy Homemaker and think that everyone should be, I might just make you want to vomit.

Thanks Drowsey Monkey!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

When I was younger, even up until 10 years ago, summers meant crappy TV. One word- reruns. Or in the current day venacular of pre-owned cars, the vertically challenged and economically disadvantaged- I guess it is called an 'encore'. I don't care what you call it!

I've always watched far too much TV and was always bitter about the fact that I had to be productive and creative away from the ol' talk box during my summer break. Now, if you miss an episode of a favorite series, and you don't have DVR, good luck EVER seeing it again!

Well, today I am offering up an 'encore' on a post that I did when I had no readers. The following tale was the night from hell and I couldn't have made up a better worse night! Without any readers, all the drama was wasted... not anymore.

The lesson at the end: 'flushable wipes' maybe not quite so flushable...

I am a drama queen. I like things to go smoothly, on time, be clean and tidy, smell nice, taste good, and wrapped up in a pretty package with a perfect bow. My ongoing lifelong lesson has been to deal with this obsession and learn how to deal with what life hands you no matter how imperfect it may be. Sometimes I fail miserably- no, most times I fail miserably.

The kids don't clean their room like I asked- I yell. When we run late for anything- I totally freak. When I misplace something- I turn into the FBI, I interrogate, I hunt, I've even been known to cry. Sure, I feel like an ass once it's over and done, but it's a sickness- what can I say? I make my amends and try to keep my cool the next time. So maybe drama queen is putting it gently, I'm a frigging basket case and you're preaching to the choir if you're thinking of judging me.

The strange thing with me is that when life really throws me a slider- I am a tower of strength. Take last night, just home from the evening's activities, my son was feeling ill, so I was sitting with him by the toilet. My husband starts yelling for me, "Tena, you NEED to come here, NOW!" (Mind you, he is just the opposite of me, little stuff just rolls off of him- he doesn't deal well with the true tests in life- maybe that's normal, I don't know?) Our sewer had backed up into our (thank God, unfinished) basement! It looked and smelled like the shit had hit the fan!

My clean freak personna was reeling- I was coming up with a game plan in my mind for the best way to clean it up immediately. I took it all in stride, though, first things first. The wheels in my head started rolling. OK- I can call the plumber first thing tomorrow. No reason to pay more for a late night plumber- we just won't flush the toilet or use water tonight, right? Wrong! Just then, my son started throwing up! Plan B, buck up and pay for an "emergency" plumber! As I get on the phone to find a plumber, my husband is on his way out the door to the hospital. Oh yeah, his father was diagnosed with leukemia about 2 hours earlier!

My husband spent much needed time with his dad. My son began to feel better after he threw up and he and the others went to sleep. After the plumber left and $450 later, I spent 4 hours cleaning up dirty poopy water, rummaging through what could be saved and what couldn't and then disinfecting my ENTIRE house (I think I am still high from the bleach fumes.)

All of this and not a tear, no items thrown about the room, no yelling- I kept my cool through every inch of the tests that were thrown at me last night. I am not proud of my overreacting to the little stuff, but it is a consolation that my crazy mind does come through for me when it really counts!

7 comments:

that is the worst!! be thankful it was an unfinished basement...ours wasn't so we were dealing with carpeting and drywall as well....nasty! so I'm assuming it was the flushable wipes? we had plastic balls and soda bottles stuffed in the cleanout pipe (that had a cracked lid so was easily removed by my young sons) in our front yard...not good...and the backup happened when my husband had just returned from a looong flight from a business trip to india.

I think I would have cried if that would have happened to me. Especially at night time. I'm what you would call a "grouch" if I don't get my sleep. You totally ROCK!! And P.S. I already read this post cuz I read your archives. Now tell me I'm not an awesome reader.

That stinks big time.(no pun intended) The flushable wipes are evil. Our sewer was not in good shape to begin with, but the wipes finished the job for us. 2 years ago, we had to have a trench dug up in our front yard and have the whole line replaced. Oh yeah, and there was shit water in our house too. Uggh.