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Friday, August 11, 2017

I am stealing this idea from Danica.My blogging has been sporadic (at best) the
last year, and as I gear up for another school year and the ensuing chaos I
feel like some structure in blogging would be helpful.My goal is twice a week.Some slightly more “structured” posts may
help me.Or they may sink me.Who knows anymore?Blogging is like babies.An explosion of unpredictable chaos.

GBOMB stands for Good, Bad, On my Brain.So it’s a July review, if you will.

***Disclaimer! I wrote this 10 days ago. And then never finished writing it. And then figured I should hurry and just post it before August is gone! So here you are, an unfinished GBOMB***

GOOD

- -On July
2, we gave Hugh his official baby blessing in our church.It is mostly an opportunity to give blessings
and love to a new baby.It was two days
before 4th of July so I made sure we were all dressed to fit the
bill and it ended up being such an incredibly special and beautiful day.Sometimes I get worried on big days like that
that my huge expectations and the pressure of a big day may get in the way of
just enjoying the day itself (Greg and I have an awesome history of epic fights
on birthdays, holidays, and other huge high pressure days.)But it wasn’t any of those things- just a
beautiful day surrounded by family and people we love.Hugh was blessed with some beautiful things,
the one that sticks out in my mind the most is to be a happy and content person
and to look out for people around him who need friends.What a sweet thing to bless a baby with.

Even though I am blogging much less frequently than in the past, I am still considered for a few sponsored campaigns- like this one I did this month. It is a cause dear to my heart (as a kid I literally scoured the neighborhood collecting these from everyone I knew.) I am so grateful for education and grateful for blogging and grateful for ways to help our schools.

-The fourth of July this year may have been my
favorite Fourth in Larsen history.We
played it lowkey- went to a little church breakfast and then came home and all
took naps.We hit the pool in the
afternoon with our neighbors and friends, got J. Dawgs for dinner and ate on
the lawn, and then met up with all of our neighborhood to watch fireworks from
the nearby park.It was such a perfect
holiday, close to our friends and neighbors and I felt a great sense of
community.

-July is birthday month around here!We celebrated Greg’s birthday on the 15th
and June’s birthday on the 16th.And while my birthday is *technically*
in June, it is on the 30th so it feels like June.Three birthdays in 17 days is nutso!For Greg’s birthday my mom watched June and
Greg and I got to do a little overnight Greg with some friends.It was a dream.We are trying to make more effort to do
things just the two of us or to do things with only one child.Being with just Hugh always makes me somehow
love him more.Like maybe it’s not Hugh
that’s a hard baby, just that it’s hard to have a baby and a toddler?Because when June is gone I just cannot get
enough of Hugh.

-For June’s birthday I threw her a long awaited “Purple
Party”.I asked her every theme in the
book and that was the one she insisted on.PURPLE PARTY.Homegirl is going
to love what she’s going to love.Buying
all the gear, making the invitations, and the overall party planning was tons
of fun.We had so many friends and family
members who came to celebrate with us and it was so fun to see everyone and to
all come together to give love to a crazy little three year old.June was in absolute heaven.When she was saying her prayers she included
in a loud and proud “thank you for my purple party!”Made it all worth it.

-I spent four days in an AP literature conference.It was a total dream.My teacher was phenomenal and I felt my
teaching soul nourished in a way that was very necessary after my hardest year
of teaching yet.I have wondered if I
have it in me to keep on teaching and this week was what I needed to charge my
batteries and rejuvenate my soul.I left
excited and with tools that I can use immediately in my classroom.Teaching AP Literature is such a gift to
me.Aside from raising my family, it is
the most rewarding thing I have done in my adult life.

-Speaking of AP Literature, I got my test scores
back in early July.85% of my students passed the AP
literature test and 6 hardworking kiddos got 5s... the highest score. I feel so
grateful for this news. This was my hardest year of teaching yet and I felt
busy, stressed, and out of control so much of the time. I worried so much that
the kids wouldn't be able to bounce back from my 6 week maternity leave mid
year. I felt inadequate and like I was doing the kids a disservice for much of
the year. These results tell me two things: 1) women can have children,
families, take time off of work and still make valuable contributions in a work
place. It doesnt have to be all or nothing. When I wanted to teach part time my
boss told me that the AP program would suffer because of it and that AP classes
should really be taught by a full time teacher. I insisted I could do it. Today
I am reassured that family + work goals can coexist! 2) my students this year
were incredibly hard working and resilient. They didn't stop while I was gone
for 6 weeks and never complained about the time I had to be away. They were
grateful and extremely kind kids/almost-adults and I consider myself very lucky
for the privilege to know them. There were a few students who took the test and
did not pass- of them I am just as proud as the students who got 5s. These kids
stayed in an AP class all year, wrote essay after essay and continued to
attempt tasks that were beyond their comfort and ability level for an entire
year and THEN saw through a 3 hour AP test still unsure of whether they had
what it takes to pass. They didn't let the fear of failure stop them. This to
me shows incredible determination and tenacity. These students have what it
takes to be successful in life just as much as the students who passed. So
proud of ALL my students and I am beyond honored and grateful to have had the
chance to teach them this year.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

-

BAD

-Hayward
left the Jazz.I hate that I care.But when you are a big sports fan and pour a
lot of your time into supporting and building a team, things like this do have
an effect.Utah is a small market team
and it can be frustrating to spend years deceloping key players like Gordon
Hayward and then as soon as they are good have them leave to a bigger, better
team (Boston Celtics).It’s
frustrating.Kind of feels like when you
work hard to get a guy to like you and as soon as things start going well the
popular, cute girl comes in and swoops him away with no effort at all.

-June’s purple party wore me out.The day of the party I was running around
like a chicken with its head cut off and afterward I was basically like, “that
was the worst thing ever and I am never doing that again.”And the thing is I felt like I kept it pretty
simple.And it was still total
madness.How do you guys do your kids’
birthday parties?I am venturing into
this wild unknown territory of kids’ birthdays and I am frightened.

-The month has felt so full and busy which I
LOVE, but I haven’t had the time to read and relax that I usually crave in the
summer.I read Americanah, More than Happy: The Joy of Amish Parenting, Spark Joy
and I am currently reading Sense and
Sensibility.I still really want to
get to Heart of Darkness and Handmaid’s Tale

ON MY BRAIN

-Our quiet and very enjoyable Fourth of July at
home got me thinking about what I want my family traditions to be.I think when we first got married and started
our family we kind of just piggy backed onto whatever family traditions either
of our families were doing.I really
like the idea, though, of being more purposeful of developing and creating our
own family traditions.I love our
extended families, but I also love our little family unit and want to make sure
that we are strong and connected all on our own.

Doing this campaign has me thinking about ways to help people be more involved in education. I feel like it's a lot of complaining about bad teachers, bad schools, etc, but not alot of action. People are hesistant to get involved.

-About a week ago Paul Swenson, a thirty year old
man in a neighboring town, mysteriously vanished.I’ve been absolutely obsessed trying to
figure out what happened.Lots of
mysterious things surrounding the situation including a very suspicious “gofundme”
account set up by his best friend, Cody--- a boy I kissed in college.Oh, college Bonnie.You were so dumb.

-Every year I like to switch up my texts for AP
Literature.I’ve taught Lord of the Flies and have loved it but
am needing a change this year.I’m
thinking The Things They Carried instead.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

The last week of July always incites a slight panic in me. Summer is almost over. Three weeks until it's back to teacher meetings. And I didn't do a darn thing I wanted to!

The first month of summer is usually filled with pool and sleeping in and catching up on all the things I feel like I have missed out during the school year. This June I feel like I just played played played with my kids. And I LOVED it.

After the 4th of July passes I always feel like, "ok, time to get to work on some of my summer goals." And I kind of dink around on them a little bit and then all of a sudden it's July 30 and I realize I haven't come close to finishing any of my goals yet. Hence, panic.

I had four big summer goals this year. I have so far accomplished only the first one. (It is the most important one, though, so I am willing to give myself a little break.)

3. WORK on creating a line sheet for Hey June and contact 20-30 small shops, boutiques, and salons about selling our product in their store. I would love to generate a lot of wholesale business that can provide a more steady income during some of the slower months. (Ahem, July.)

4. ORGANIZE and tidy my home completely. Make it a place where I can feel so much joy.

This past week I have really been getting to work on goals 3 and 4. My goal is to have my line sheet finished and sent to small businesses on August 4. (If you know any small boutiques or salons that you think would do well with Hey June product in their store, let me know!) Our business continues to grow and that has been an incredible blessing for us.

The tidying of the house has been in full swing as well. Almost impossible with a toddler and a baby, but I am giving it my best shot! Last year I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (Summary of how I felt about the book is here.) and I just finished the book's sister, Spark Joy. I really enjoyed both of them and I honestly do feel like it's been life changing in the way I clean and organize my house.

My two biggest take aways from the book:

1. THROW THINGS OUT. I have a much stricter screening process on what is ever allowed in my house in the first place. June's rando art projects, kids meal toys, free t-shirts I will never wear--- that stuff hits the garbage before it gets inside. Anything that is broken, I don't know where the other part to it is, doesn't fit me anymore... it all gets the boot! I have also started throwing out a lot of the "some day" things realizing that some day never happens. Some day I really wanted to read that article in that magazine. Well, if a month has passed and I haven't made time for it, it's probably not that important to me. Chuck it.

2. Fill your home with things that SPARK JOY. I have invested more money in my home including dish cloths, cleaning supplies, dressers, blankets, etc. in order to have the things I really love and that make me happy when I see them. It's a long process, but I enjoy being in my home so much more than I ever have in my life because I have deliberately put the things in the house that bring me a lot of joy. And I get rid of the things that don't.

All that being said, I do still have a long way to go. When I attempted our big round of "tidying up" a year ago I was in my first trimester of pregnancy and sick sick sick. I started to feel better and school started up and then it was Christmas season with jewelry insanity and then it was baby time and subsequent months of blurred bouncing bouncing bouncing of a hard baby. I remember little of any of that. Just that I'm here on the other side.

SO... here I am now, ready to give the tidying up another go. I gutted out the basement and I am in the process of our garage. I spent about five hours one evening going through all of June's old clothes and only keeping my very favorite ones. There were garbage bags and garbage bags of clothes that I gave away. It felt amazing! A very real purge, if you will.

I also made Greg do his closet. (I was tempted to handle it myself but the book's author is big into not throwing anyone else's stuff away!) More garbage bags!

I LOVE how much cleaner and less cluttered our space feels already. I have stocked up on garbage bags, rags, and cleaning supplies. We're definitely making headway over here but I will have to work pretty hard to be done by the time school starts (Cue crying emoji face.)

Stocking up on garbage bags has been nice, too because I've been able to save the box tops for when it is time to go back to school. Reynolds Kitchens™andHefty both support theBox Tops for Educationprogram- helping schools raise money for supplies, technology etc. Obviously, as an educator, I am all about buying anything that can in any way give back to schools. You can find Box Tops on Reynolds Kitchens™ products Parchment Paper, Oven Bags, Slow Cooker Liners and Bakeware Pans. You can also find them on Hefty Trash Bags, Hefty Foam Plates and Hefty Cups.Now through August 29 you can enterhereto be one of 50 daily instant winners and enter to win the grand prize of $1,000 worth of Box Tops for your school! A total of five schools will be chosen for the grand prize and you can enter once a day until 8/29 so bookmark the site.

My next big tidying projects are the junk drawer (the bane of my existence), the pantry (it's so gross), and June and Hugh's closets. Having kids and dealing with their clothes and toys added a whole new level to the clutter chaos.

(Also, I am feeling weirdly guilty now because one of the key things in the book is not to organize by room or by closet but to organize by item instead. I think this is an awesome idea but I have absolutely no idea how to implement it when I don't have large chunks of time to dedicate to tidying. I have to steal 15 mintues here and 15 minutes there so it doesn't really work to scour the entire house of every art supply and then organize them. It'd probably be more effective. But one tidying woman can only do so much!)

This is my kitchen. It sparks a lot of joy for me and it is place where I always want to be

Sunday, July 23, 2017

It was still dark outside. I could feel Greg beside me shuffle out of bed, get the baby, bring him to me to nurse beneath the crisp sheets of our king sized bed.

But we couldn't get comfortable, Hugh and I. He's getting bigger now. Doesn't rest as easily on my arm as he once did.

So I shuffled back to the nursery, collapsed in the rocking chair. Hugh cozied up to me and after a few sucks was already drifting back to sleep. He was heavy in my arms, not needing the comfort of nursing, just the comfort of mom.

Most times during middle of the night feedings I am half asleep. This morning I was wide awake. Hyper aware of everything around me. The sweet baby heavy in my arms. The mountain mural I painted on his wall while 8 1/2 months pregnant. The turquoise lamp that fits his nursery perfectly and that I worked so hard to find.

Suddenly I felt my dad there with me too. Stopping by. He does that sometimes. Drifts in an out. Pops in to say hi. Sometimes it's when I need him the most. Sometimes it's like this morning- just a sweet little unexpected surprise. Hi Bopper. I'm still here. I still love you. Look at my amazing little grandbaby in your arms.

After a few minutes I put Hugh down and looked at his sleeping baby perfection. His pursed lips. His fat cheeks. I felt so grateful.

I checked in on June in the room next door. She was sleeping on top of the blankets, her head down where her feet should be. The soles of her feet were dirty. Her hair in messy, left over pigtails from the day before. I draped a blanket over the top of her little three year old body. She smelled like dirt and sweat and summer.

Back to bed. I nestled in close to Greg, my slumbering grizzly bear.

I couldn't sleep. I felt overcome with gratitude. My babies. My home. My husband. What gifts I have been given. It was so hard for so long, but lately it has been easy. So grateful for the easy. And grateful for the hard, too. So many times I wondered if we'd make it. Job loss and depression and faith crisis and cancer and I wondered can we do this can we do this can we do this? Are we strong enough are we strong enough are we strong enough?

I don't think we're out of the hard times. But for so long there was so much darkness. And now I feel light again. I feel light inside of me, feel light inside my home. I feel light in my words and light in my sleep. I feel light when I look at my sleeping babies and light when I crawl into bed next to Greg. And after I take a minute to recognize that light, the gratitude overwhelms me again.

Friday, July 07, 2017

I logged in to my blog today. Imagine my surprise to see that it has been a month since I last wrote. A MONTH.

Sometimes the idea of posting on my blog overwhelms me. It's the funny thing about a blog. When you are blogging every single day (or 5 times a week) there is no limit to the things you have to say. When you blog irregularly, a month can pass and it still feels like there isn't much to say.

Having Hugh knocked me off my feet in a way that I was totally unprepared for. When I had June I felt like my identity remained in tact. My schedule, my life, my routine... it was changed in a lot of ways but remained the same too. I felt like I was still the same person, living the same life, but with one great big awesome addition. I worked the same job. I lived in the same house. I had the same relationship. June was such an easy baby that we could meet friends to play tennis and she would watch from the stroller nearby. We took her out to dinner with us, stayed late at firework shows. She became the instant third member to our party and was happy and easy to come along. I didn't understand the big deal about how HARD having a baby was.

Of course, Hugh has been none of those things. I thought he would just mold easily into our lives, the same way June did. But he didn't. He is so fickle about sleep. It is on his schedule and no one else's. He can go from zero to 100 in one second flat. With two babies to take care of all of a sudden there is so much that seemed overwhelming. No dinner out with kids. Definitely no tennis or volleyball. With June we could still easily sleep in even- she would happily play on the floor beside us while we dozed in and out. Hugh gives us a 7 am wake up call and there is no negotiating.

All that being said, it IS getting easier. Hugh is 5 months now and we are starting to develop a good little routine. He likes routine. He likes schedules. The more we deviate from his routine, his way, the harder the day is. Some days it is worth it- like the 4th of July. Most days it is not. The routine-deviation tax is high around here and we can't afford to pay it often.

So we stick to a routine and he is good. I mean, right now both children are napping. And they both went to sleep without tears. Victory! I watched the clock like a hawk and timed Hugh's nap down to the minute and he rewarded me for my schedule- loyalty with an effortless nap. Thank you, King Hughie. Your subjects never tired of serving you.

All that to say that I feel like I've kind of been having a mom identity crisis around here. Probably the same mom-identity crisis that so many have with their first child- only I'm having it with my second. With just June, I felt like mom was one of so many things I did. I was still the same person. Now mom is The Thing. I am not the same person. With two kiddos there doesn't seem to be a lot of time for my other identities. When all the caring for other children is done, I collapse onto the couch and drink a soda while watching mindless television until I pass out. (That sentence feels so depressing, but it is my dream right now.)

I really really hope I can get back to blogging consistently. But it's been crazy enough around here for long enough that I know I can't make too many promises. I haven't forgotten my blog. And I do long to write. That's as much as I can give you right now.

This blog post actually got a lot longer than I intended it to. I thought I would just write a quick paragraph before telling you all about our sale at Hey June. But my fingers and mind needed to write, I guess, and this is what emerged. Thank you for always being here to listen to "what emerges". And now, the sale.

Our customer appreciation sale is going on in our jewelry shop. Hey June provides 2/3 of our income, with my teaching gig and Greg's side acting jobs picking up the last 1/3. It is absolutely astonishing to me that Hey June has done that for our family. We are so grateful. So much of it is because of you guys here- your initial support launched the business into what we needed to be able to make it our primary income. Thank you.

The customer appreciation sale is 20% off, but I am feeling so tender-hearted and grateful to all of you loyal blog readers that I am going to give you guys 25% off. That is anything in the shop and it will go through Sunday. (The sale actually ends today, but you know, you guys get the perks.) Use code LIFEOFBON25. And if your order total is $25 or more you will get a free pair of stud earrings- just put in the comments which pair you want for free. I'm basically giving our business away, it's cool.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

This post is sponsored by Golden Grahams but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

Father's Day is a week from tomorrow. I always kind of start to brace myself for Father's Day. Since my dad died, it has traditionally been the hardest day of the year for me. Even harder than his birthday or the anniversary of his death. (Well, this year my dad's birthday is on Father's Day so the doubling up like that doesn't help either.)

I will always miss my dad on Father's Day. I have accepted that. But since seeing Greg become a dad, my Father's Days have gotten much easier. Instead of missing my own dad so much, I can celebrate the father that my daughter has.

Greg is so good to June. He is attentive and silly and loving. He adores her. Doesn't every girl need a dad who adores her?

Greg always makes an effort to do activities with his kids. The other day he called me at work to tell me that he and June were "catching mermaids" that day. We've all been on a mermaid catching kick ever since. Tonight we went over to "Farm Country". The place was all but deserted and June got to ride the pony to her heart's content. It is so rewarding to watch my husband and kids interact. Is there any thing greater in this world than watching two people you love so much bond? (Side note: Greg is also a very good dad to Hugh, but Hugh is still in boring baby stage so there's not a ton to say about him... But believe you me, Greg has put in his time rocking, bouncing, soothing that crazy baby.)

For snacks we brought some Golden Graham Salted Caramel bars. Greg told me that he never ate Golden Grahams as a child so I knew I had to show him how great they are.

This picture is not staged at all.

It was June and Greg doing "cheers" with their Golden Graham treats.

In the interest of full full disclosure, I will tell you that I have tried and made several recipes for this blog. But THIS golden graham salted caramel bar recipe is the best one I have ever tried. It will become a family staple that we will eat for the rest of our lives because it is that good and we absolutely gobbled it up. It is such a unique treat with the salt, caramel, and almonds added in. All you have to do is look up the ingredient list and you know it is going to be amazing And it is super quick to make (About 20 minutes to prepare) and requires zero baking.

- I used 16 ounces of marshmallows, not 10 ounces. This was by accident, but of course it made it even better. It's so gooey and yummy and I love that the cereal and almonds are covered in the marshmallow/caramel mix. Next time I won't do as many marshmallows, but I do think I'll do a bit more than the recipe calls for.

- I did not microwave the marshmallow, butter, caramel mixture. Instead, I cooked it on the stove. The microwave seemed like a bad idea and I feel like everything cooks better on the stove. The trick to making sure the bars aren't hard is to not overcook this mixture- that will make sure it stays gooey and soft. I cooked on low and stirred constantly. Don't let it boil!

- I did milk chocolate instead of semisweet chocolate. I believe milk chocolate to be the most superior of chocolate, so of course I used that.

- I did probably double the chocolate the recipe calls for. Once the chocolate was melted I just put it in a plastic bag and drizzled it over the bars. So good and only a little messy. LOLZ.

Hugh got in on the action too.

The finished product can not be beat. Greg and June both devoured these. They are that good, I promise. The crunchy and gooey mix + the salty and sweet mix really makes this such a unique and yummy treat.

This post is brought to you by Hugh D. Larsen who slept long enough for me to write this post tonight. Way to go, Hugh!

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

I just put cookies in the oven and in thirteen minutes the timer will go off and I will eat those cookies. So thirteen minutes is how long I have to write.

I feel this need to get back to blogging. To get back to writing. But the days pass and I don't make it a priority. I could say I'm busy. Because I am. But the truth is that if I really really wanted to find time to blog I would. So maybe I haven't wanted to.

It is 7:56 pm and today was my last day of work. I am on summer vacation. It is needed. I don't know if I could have survived another day. I mean, of course I could have. I'm being dramatic. But I really don't know if I could have.

Right now, at this very moment, my students are graduating. I am supposed to be there. I emailed my boss and asked if I could miss it. A 14 hour work day with a four month old babe at home didn't sound that fun. And do they really need all 100 teachers to sit in black robes around the stadium and sit through graduation year after year? In any case, I think my principal sensed that I'm at my work/home life breaking point. So he said go ahead and stay home. I'm grateful for that. He has been a wonderful boss to me the past four years. He is leaving now. Being transferred to another school and I feel sad and nostalgic. He has been so good to my family. He hired me and then a year later hired Greg. When Greg suddenly quit (literally went home on a Thursday and never went back) my/our boss was so understanding. To Greg's email he responded, "Life is messy. Put your family first." That was in September. That Christmas he gave our family $300.

I will miss my boss. But my new boss used to be my vice principal and she is absolutely fantastic. A smart and fiery redhead who gets things does. I'm excited for the changes.

It is summer now. The days are suddenly long and hot. How did summer get here so quickly? What took it so long?

People ask me "do you have plans for summer?" No. No plans. Catch my breath. Plan more than one day ahead. Remember what it's like to be me in between endless feedings and rockings and bedtimes and grading papers and 7 am haggling with students over five extra credit points. You don't really make summer plans when you're so busy just getting to the next day. January- May is a total blur to me. Last thing I remember I was teaching an ACT prep in the middle of January. I woke up and it's June. A regular old Rip Van Winkle.

I suspect I was/am dealing with some postpartum depression. It feels mostly better. Except for on days when it doesn't. So I put one foot in front of the other. I go to bed early and feel better in the mornings. I drink a lot of coke and eat at least one cookie a day. This isn't really a time to be mean to my body or to expect my love handles to quickly disappear. It isn't a time to force myself into a size 4 swimsuit or demand that my pre pregnancy jeans fit by August. It's a time to be nice to my body and to my mind. We've been through a lot.

Hugh is getting easier. And then sometimes he is hard again. But the trend is toward easier. On Sunday night I rocked him, held him, bounced him for two hours trying to get him to go to sleep. Then Greg tried for an hour. Finally after three hours of fierce cajoling, Hugh slept. We were exhausted. Mad. Flabbergasted. Tonight he started nursing and fell asleep in five minutes. He's been asleep ever since. There is no science to babies. Just chaos.

As I write this, June is self soothing on her bedroom floor. She flew through naptime but still is refusing to go to sleep tonight. She's exhausted but refuses sleep. So she's crying through the door. A futile hope that Greg or I will come to her rescue and tell her she does not, in fact, have to go to bed, but can instead stay up all night eating popcorn and watching Sofia. A toddler's wildest dream.