Thursday, February 21, 2008

Many times when I start a post, I regret that I am not more eloquent. I wish that I had better words to express the thoughts in my head for a lot of selfish reasons...but mostly so that people will enjoy reading my blog. But today, I regret my total lack of eloquence for a far more desperate reason. You see, I read a lot of blogs, and I don't always comment on them, and not everyone knows that I'm around, and I always think "I'll get around to commenting someday." And sometimes, "someday" is too late.

I've been reading Keira's blog on and off for a few months now, but I'm pretty sure I never commented before this week. And now... it's not too late, but mere words are just so inadequate to express my anguish over her loss of her little warrior princess, Sweet Zoe Rose.

If I were eloquent, I would say something meaningful and comforting and full of hope and life. But I am empty and sad and full of despair. I feel torn apart for this woman, for this family, who I have never met, who doesn't know me, who probably doesn't know I exist, and I feel like I am breaking into pieces. It's not right of me, it's not my loss and it's selfish of me to be feeling like this, but all I can imagine is the pain I'd be feeling if I lost one of mine... this was one of my deepest, most biting fears when I found out I was pregnant with triplets. And while I know that loss can strike any parent... for some reason, the fear gripped me harder in the face of triplets than in the face of a singleton.

What I do know is that last night, I hugged each of my four children a little tighter before bed, and wiped an extra tear away before anyone could see. And I so fervently wish that I had the eloquence to adequately express to Keira how much I care for her, despite the fact that she has absolutely no idea who I am.

I'm another Mom of triplets. BBG 2 year olds and I read your blog very frequently and never comment. Today you gave me that extra nudge I needed. What you wrote about about this loss was beautiful and straight from the heart. I think we all relate and feel such surrow and emptiness.

I really enjoy your blog, and will make a better effort to tell you so. It's hard in this fast paced world that we live in, and when you add triplets to the mix, it only gets crazier. Keep up the good work with your babies.

Your post was beautiful and perfect. I hope someday she sees it. Reading the post that you wrote a while back when I lost by triplets meant more to me than you'll ever know, that is why I hope so much she someday finds what you wrote for her.

My heart is broken for her. Just broken.

While I dont leave comments often anymore, I continue to check on yall daily. I am so proud of you and the amazing mother that you are to your blessings. All four of them.

It's taken me a bit to post a comment, but Stefanie sent me to your blog to read your post about Zoe. Your words are perfectly put and beautiful. I continue to be amazed at how far-reaching Zoe's story is and how many lives she touched in her brief 14 months. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your compassion.Keira

9/8/06: Discharged from fertility clinic. Off to OB land with healthy heartbeat and 95% odds of carrying to term.

10/4/06: A reason for the bleeding comes to light... a subchorionic bleed is diagnosed, but the fetus is healthy and happy on ultrasound. Fingers and toes accounted for. Perfect beating heart. Perfect growth and development.