Even if you only follow sports peripherally – hell, even if you just follow pop culture – I’m sure you can appreciate the appropriate chuckle-to-yourself juxtaposition of these two books.

Immediately I knew that this image would provide the raw material from whence my first demotivational poster would emanate. So I hopped on over here and took a stab at making one. Here you go:

Anyone have any better/funnier ideas for what the title/description of this poster could be? I’ll go make and post the best ones I see in the comments.

And to whoever was a) is in charge of organizing the layout of books at this mystery bookstore; and, b) whoever saw this, took a picture of it, and posted it on the Internet: kudos to you. He’ll never say it publicly, but Al Gore created the Internet so we could all chuckle at things like this. Thanks for doing your part.

Oh, and Lance…quick piece of advice: just come clean dude.

Note: All speculation included below is entirely my opinion. In fairness, Lance has never been proven to have used PEDs or failed a test. That said, I stopped giving athletes the benefit of the doubt a long time ago. So, just to be clear, this advice is for Lance if he actually is guilty of doping, for which there is no definitive proof yet that he is.

If you did use performance enhancing drugs, which I think everyone but your most dedicated sycophants believes at this point, stop digging yourself into a deeper hole. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t pretty much give you a pass if you came out and said the following:

All my life I’ve loved cycling and wanted to be the best at it. Unfortunately, cycling is a sport that has been overrun with performance enhancing drugs and blood transfusions; so much so that’s it nearly impossible to compete cleanly. Rather than be a leader, I became a follower, and it’s a decision that – while not without its benefits for myself and others – that I now regret. When I was diagnosed with cancer I saw my opportunity to be a champion flash before my eyes. I also saw an opportunity to inspire millions of people across the globe…but I had to become a champion to do it. So I gave into the pressure of my sport, the pressure of my own ambition, and the pressure of the people who ultimately became inspired by me. I couldn’t let myself or them down, and there was only one way to do that in the sport I’m in: to cheat. And I did. And it was wrong. And I’m sorry.

Obviously you would want it to be more eloquent than a paragraph I slapped together in 90 seconds, but you get the idea.

Image source: ATwistedSpoke.com

Be honest and contrite. Sports fans are not idiots. We’re people. We get it. Yes, our words can sometimes be insufferably self-righteous, but many of us probably would have done the exact same thing in your situation…and we know it. That allows us to empathize, which many of us would do especially in your case.

Mark McGwire didn’t overcome cancer or inspire millions to people in their quest to do the same. He just hit more home runs. Your story is a little more complicated and worthy of forgiveness…which I think you’d get if you respected your fans enough to request it.

You’ve done a lot of great things, both on and off the bike. Sure, your accomplishments will be sullied if/when it comes out with certainty that you cheated, but the damage will be exponentially greater if you prove to be a disingenuous liar and a douche bag too…two roads you seem to travel further down each day. You can mitigate the damage by being honest before you’re forced to in a final act of desperation. Learn from all of the athletes who have come before you.

Remove the “v” from the word on your wristband and it says “Liestrong”. Right now, that’s all you’ve been doing (assuming, you know, that you used). You can really show people how to live strong by being honest and owning up to any and all transgressions.

If you do that, I promise I won’t make any more ball jokes.

And if there aren’t any transgressions, and there really is some trumped up witch hunt to bring you down, then I guess I’ll owe you an apology one of these days. Needless to say, I’m not holding my breath. This would be the most smoke without a fire in world history.

[Editor’s note: For other random but entertaining nonsense like the poster above, visit our friends at I-am-Bored.com.]

Comments

I think this is one of the most significant info for me. And i’m glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general things, The website style is ideal, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization. On-Page SEO means more now than ever since the new Google update: Panda. No longer are backlinks and simply pinging or sending out a RSS feed the key to getting Google PageRank or Alexa Rankings, You now NEED On-Page SEO. So what is good On-Page SEO?First your keyword must appear in the title.Then it must appear in the URL.You have to optimize your keyword and make sure that it has a nice keyword density of 3-5% in your article with relevant LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing). Then you should spread all H1,H2,H3 tags in your article.Your Keyword should appear in your first paragraph and in the last sentence of the page. You should have relevant usage of Bold and italics of your keyword.There should be one internal link to a page on your blog and you should have one image with an alt tag that has your keyword….wait there’s even more Now what if i told you there was a simple WordPress plugin that does all the On-Page SEO, and automatically for you? That’s right AUTOMATICALLY, just watch this 4minute video for more information at. Seo Plugin

I just want to say I am just newbie to blogs and seriously liked this blog. More than likely I’m want to bookmark your website . You definitely have wonderful article content. Many thanks for sharing your web site.

I have to express my appreciation to this writer for rescuing me from such a predicament. Right after exploring through the search engines and finding advice which are not pleasant, I assumed my entire life was over. Being alive devoid of the approaches to the difficulties you have resolved as a result of the report is a serious case, and ones that might have in a wrong way affected my career if I had not discovered the blog. Your own personal understanding and kindness in handling a lot of stuff was priceless. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had not discovered such a solution like this. I am able to at this time look ahead to my future. Thank you very much for this reliable and result oriented help. I won’t hesitate to recommend your web page to anyone who would need support on this matter.

You in fact dealt with several engaging items in this post. I came across it by employing Bing and IaаАабТТаЂааАабТТаБТve got to admit that I am now subscribed to your site, it really is very decent (:

I don’t even know the way I stopped up here, but I assumed this publish was great. I do not recognize who you are however definitely you are going to a well-known blogger if you aren’t already. Cheers!|

Do you have a spam issue on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; many of us have created some nice practices and we are looking to trade solutions with other folks, be sure to shoot me an e-mail if interested.

I was suggested this website through my cousin. I am now not positive whether or not this publish is written by means of him as no one else recognize such precise approximately my problem. You are amazing! Thank you!|

Heya! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few months of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?|

Hello there I am so grateful I found your web site, I really found you by mistake, while I was searching on Yahoo for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a fantastic post and a all round thrilling blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the great job.|

This is the right blog for anybody who would like to understand this topic. You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa). You certainly put a fresh spin on a topic that has been written about for many years. Great stuff, just excellent!|

Howdy, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any support is very much appreciated.|

Howdy, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.|

I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100 positive. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks|

It’s appropriate time to make a few plans for the long run and it is time to be happy. I have read this put up and if I may just I wish to suggest you some fascinating issues or tips. Maybe you can write next articles regarding this article. I desire to read more issues approximately it!|

I was pretty pleased to uncover this web site. I need to to thank you for ones time for this particularly fantastic read!! I definitely savored every part of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff on your website.

I was very happy to find this web site. I need to to thank you for ones time for this particularly wonderful read!! I definitely liked every little bit of it and i also have you saved as a favorite to look at new stuff in your web site.

Hi, I do believe this is an excellent website. I stumbledupon it ;) I may return once again since i have book-marked it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.|

I’m extremely pleased to discover this website. I want to to thank you for ones time just for this wonderful read!! I definitely appreciated every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to see new things on your blog.

I was pretty pleased to uncover this site. I want to to thank you for ones time for this particularly wonderful read!! I definitely appreciated every little bit of it and i also have you saved as a favorite to look at new things on your site.

I was more than happy to find this great site. I want to to thank you for your time for this particularly wonderful read!! I definitely really liked every part of it and i also have you bookmarked to look at new information on your site.

Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your content seem to be running off the screen in Ie. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Cheers|

I’m more than happy to discover this web site. I wanted to thank you for ones time just for this wonderful read!! I definitely appreciated every bit of it and I have you bookmarked to see new things on your blog.

Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a really well written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I will definitely return.|

I simply want to show you that I am new to posting and completely enjoyed your webpage. Most likely I am most likely to save your blog post . You undoubtedly have fantastic article material. Be Grateful For it for share-out with us all of your web report

My developer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard great things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress content into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!|

I just need to show you that I am new to writing and really adored your webpage. Quite possibly I am prone to store your blog post . You really have great article material. Be Thankful For it for sharing with us your very own website page

Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My website covers a lot of the same subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Fantastic blog by the way!|

Excellent blog right here! Additionally your site quite a bit up fast! What host are you using? Can I am getting your associate link to your host? I desire my web site loaded up as quickly as yours lol|

I really need to show you that I am new to online blogging and completely cherished your write-up. Very possible I am probably to store your blog post . You undoubtedly have fantastic article blog posts. Be Thankful For it for giving out with us your current web article

Hey! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Many thanks|

What’s Happening i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I’ve discovered It positively useful and it has aided me out loads. I hope to give a contribution & assist other users like its helped me. Good job.|