Finalist: Best Female Football Blog 2014 (partnered with Huffington Post)

Saturday, 27 April 2013

Superheroes

Queens Park Rangers 0 Stoke 2

I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to book Reading tickets with @gemcricketmad. I suppose it was more about spending a day with a friend than the possibility of watching some good football.

Relegation is all but confirmed for us, and yet I actually checked for Wigan's remaining fixtures. Foolish I know.

As per last week's blog, it is far from my intention to write a match report. Instead, I look ahead to next season inspired by a recent QPR podcast game of 's***, marry, push' in which I review the members of the current QPR squad as currently listed on the back of our programmes. In this blog, I will take a look at each player, provide my view on their contribution to this horrific season and compare them with a 'super hero' where possible, if not I've made something else up just for them (aren't I nice?). Not to say that our players have been superheroes, but they make an amusing point of comparison...

So, without further delay...

1. Robert Green, also known as Green Arrow (just cuz his name is Green and he wears green A LOT)

from www.superherodb.com

Rating: 7/10

Sadly, Rob has had a rough ride this season. We should never have bought Julio and frankly if I compare the two side by side Green has been the better keeper and Julio has been less than reliable.

Verdict: Keep

2. Samba Diakite, also known as the Nappy Man (for wearing his shorts in that strange nappy style)

Rating: not possible

I am not sure what happened to Samba this season but I think we've missed him a lot. He was my favourite buy from last season so it's disappointing that we haven't seen more of him for whatever rason.

Verdict: Keep if he is going to play....

3. Armand Traore, AKA Almond Tray (that's just what his name sounds like)

Rating: 5/10

There's a reason why Arsenal didn't want him. Sigh.

Verdict: Get Rid

4. Shaun Derry, AKA My Lord

Rating 7/10

We haven't seen a lot of Shaun either, as we're meant to have players that are better than him on paper. But when he has played for us he is been pretty solid.

Verdict: Keep for one more year

5. Christopher Samba, AKA the Incredible Hulk

Rating 5/10

Considering he's QPR record signing he has not performed to that level and had a few appalling games. We need to sell him and make some money back.

Verdict: Get rid

6. Clint Hill, also known as Butt-head (from Beavis and Butt-head)

from mtv.com

Rating 5/10

Our 2011/2012 player of the season has under performed as much as anyone else. A deserved captain for his passion and effort and boy does he take a head butt those balls! But while I'd give him an A for effort, it's a C for ability.

Verdict: Get rid (sadly)

7. Ji-Sung Park AKA Meltdown

Meltdown from www.superherodb.com

Rating: 6/10

Blighted by what appears to be a lack in confidence and injury this season Ji-Sung Park appears to have gone in to official meltdown mode. Enjoying the comforts of London as opposed to Manchester appears to have distracted him somewhat. But I think he's still got a bit of class. He simply needs to get back down to earth. He'll be a decent championship player.

Verdict: Keep

10. Adel Taarabt AKA Stardust (something about being made of cosmic particle and energy...)

Rating 6/10

It was hard to compare Adel to a superhero as he means so much to so many QPR fans for what he has contributed to our championship years. It's safe to say this season he hasn't become that superhero. Whenever he plays the team has to form itself around him as opposed to the other way around. Frustrating to say the least but I do hope he stays. He's a magical player when he is at his best.

Mackie is one of our most over-rated players, but last year he is responsible for our turning point in that 3-2 win against Liverpool. I love his passion and loyalty but I just 'wonder' what he's going to do for us next season?

Verdict: Keep (just)

13. Yun Suk-Young AKA the Invisible Man

Rating: /

Who?

Verdict: Hello? Anybody there?

14. Esteban Granero AKA Steve Barn (that's his name translated in to English).

Rating 3/10

Having come from Real Madrid Loftus Road must have been a shocker for Steve. First couple of games were promising, but other than that he has been a disastrous signing. He truly has been a less than glamorous signing.

Verdict: Get rid

15. Nedum Onuoha AKA City Reject

Rating: 6/10

Having lost his mother this year, I feel a little sorry for him. He's fairly reliable and I suspect could be useful in the Championship.

Verdict: Keep

16. Jermaine Jenas AKA the Other one from Tottenham

Rating 6/10

Ironically, we were more excited about his arrival than we were of Andros Townsend. He has been somewhat useful...though I question his commitment to the club.

Verdict: Keep

18. Loic Remy AKA Champagne

Rating 7/10

I would have rated him an 8, but for the penalty he missed against Fulham. That was just so painful to watch. Sigh.

Verdict: Get rid. he's too good for the championship (we need prosecco not champagne)

19. Jose Bonsingwa AKA The Enemy

Rating 2/10

Sorry, I still don't like him. OK he has been better these last few games, but it's not like we've won.

Verdict: Get rid

20. Fabio da Silva AKA The Crap Twin

Rating 4/10

Looks like we picked the wrong Da Silva twin. Some promising starts, but he's inconsistent.

Verdict: Send him back.

21: Tal Ben Haim
Rating 5/10

We haven't had the chance to see him play much so frankly I can't even rate him fairly. He wasn't bad last week against Stoke but then again, we lost against Stoke. Sigh (again).

Verdict: Get rid

23. Junior Hoilett AKA His name is DAVID

Rating 5/10

He had an awful game last week but I suspect he has underperformed due to a lack of confidence and team tactics. I still like him though, he won me a bet early in the season when he scored against Reading in the Capital One Cup.

Verdict: Keep

25. Bobby Zamora AKA Murmur

Murmur from www.comicvine.com

Rating 7/10

Unexpectedly one of our better players this season. And I have to say I admire him for playing several games while in extreme pain. He was a warrior, and this feeling was magnified by the bandage he would wear wrapped around his head... but he's getting on a bit and I wonder whether he will want to play for a Championship team?

Verdict: Keep

26. Brian Murphy AKA The Other Other goalkeeper

Rating - unfair to rate

We'll need him next season as Julio will go.

Verdict: Keep

30: Frankie Sutherland AKA Frankie, do you remember me?

Rating: unfair to rate

Do I know much about him? Not really...but he is from our youth team apparently, and I'm all for home grown talent.

He hasn't exactly been a star player, but he hasn't been bad either. There hasn't been a lot of room for him, but perhaps he'll be good for us in the Championship.

Verdict: Keep

40. Stephane Mbia AKA King of Stagecoach

Rating: 8/10

He has provided us with much entertainment with his amateur dramatics but he has probably done the most for us this season of all the players. An exciting player to watch he can also be a liability though. I wish we could keep him but I don't know if he would stay.

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