Month: September 2016

This page is in a grid form that covers the whole year. I use this page to track my moods every day. As you can see, there are six possible options I have: angry/irritated (red), mellow/relaxed (orange), stressed/anxious (yellow), ill/gross (green), sad/depressed (blue), and happy/excited (purple). At the end of the day, I fill in the color or colors that best represent my mood(s) of the day. This is a great page to have, especially when you have a bad day. I can look at this and see that most of my days are good ones, and I feel better. It is definitely one of my most beneficial pages.

So my first page features the color code I use for multiple pages. Each square represents a page and show what the colors represent on that particular page. This helps me keep all my different color codes straight and is a good first page to have.

So recently I started this new fad called bullet journalling. I’ve seen it all over Pinterest, so my friend convinced me to try it. I am so glad I did! This thing has been amazingly fun and therapeutic. While a lot of people use theirs as a planner, I have been taking a different approach. I use mine to track things like my daily moods and caffeine intake or to make myself feel better by listing the people I’m glad are in my life. Therefore, this new category is to show you some pages for my journal that I have found beneficial. Feel free to use my ideas or alter them to make them your own. This will also give you a real insight to my daily life and mind. Enjoy!!!

I don’t even know where to start. Every time I think about it I am filled with anger and sadness. I know it’s stupid and doesn’t make any sense, but I can’t help it. I miss you. I miss the way we talked and laughed. I miss your honesty. I miss your personality. I miss your arms around me. I feel so stupid because we weren’t together, not really. We didn’t want that. I didn’t want that. And maybe that’s the hardest part: that I was perfectly happy with what we did have. I never wanted anything more. And maybe that makes me stupid or cheap or easy, but I don’t care. I was happy with the parts of you I had, because I got most of the good parts. I didn’t feel any pressure and I didn’t worry about what you thought, because we weren’t together, and we didn’t want to be. But now that it’s over, I realize just how happy I was. I miss you all the time and have to resist the urge to text you a hundred times a day. I miss laying in your bed and talking about nothing. I miss how safe you made me feel when you put your arms around me. I miss the way you were always honest and never put up with my attitude.

But I’m also so mad at you. I’m so mad, it burns me up inside, because you made it clear that I wasn’t worth your time. I wasn’t worth it. And it kills me that I care so much, because you were my friend. My friend that I talked to every day. Of course I care. It kills me that I care so much and I miss you, but I know you don’t miss me. I know you don’t care about me. I feel so stupid for caring. I hate that I care so much about people and they don’t care about me, and you are no exception. It kills me that I could walk out of your life forever, and you wouldn’t even bat an eye.

And then I just get filled with this consuming sadness, and all I want to do is cry, because I can’t seem to figure out why I ruin every friendship I have. I’m sad that I thought we were friends and that you cared, but you didn’t. I’m sad that I spent so much time defending you to my friends, when they were right all along. I’m sad that I chose not to see the dark parts of you, because I was too focused on the good. I’m sad that it’s so easy for you to just cast me aside like we were never friends at all.

I never wanted anything more, I can promise you that. But just because I was perfectly happy with we had, doesn’t mean this doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel lost, because I do. It doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you, because I do. Every day. I know you can’t miss what you never had, but I miss the part of you I did have. I miss the time we spent together and all the conversations we had. I miss how easy it was with you, because we knew what we wanted and we knew what we were.

And I hate you. I hate you so much for making me feel this way, when we weren’t even together. I hate how easy this is for you, while I spend my nights fighting back tears. I hate that I care this much. I hate that I have to go back to having no one. I hate that I put in so much effort. I hate that we fought so much for something so little. But the thing I hate the most, is that I don’t hate you at all. I just miss you.

About a month in to college courses means something we all dread; first exams. How hard are the professor’s tests? Did I need to read the textbook? What do I need to study? Is there essay questions? Basically, we all are forced to go in blind to first exams, because we have no idea what to expect. So we study and read textbook chapters obsessively, hoping we can manage to pass. But there is one thing on exam day you can do that I feel is widely overlooked. This is something I have done since high school, and I can attest to the fact that it does help. What is this mysterious secret? Looking good.

What? How does that work? You might be thinking I’m completely crazy at this point, and well, you’re half right. However, in this case, I’m actually not nuts. When we look good (girls especially) we feel more confident in ourselves. Our self-esteem is a little higher and we feel better about ourselves. So when you have this newfound confidence, you are likely to feel better as you start your day. Where does this extra self-esteem boost really come in handy? DING DING DING!!! EXAMS!!!

If you go into your test with more confidence, you are likely to not only be more confident about your appearance, but also more confident in your abilities. If you are more confident in your ability to pass an exam, you are more likely to do better. Confidence is key in many aspects of school, and exams are no different. So guys, put on your polo shirts, and girls, dig out those dresses. It sounds silly, but find the outfits you feel you look best in.

Now let me clarify: I’m not telling you to stop studying, because a cute outfit won’t solve all your problems. However, everyone needs a confidence boost once in awhile, especially on exam day, and this is a super simple way to do it. Do I have scientific research to back this up? No, and maybe some is out there. All I have to back up this theory is my personal experiences. So today, while I am still nervous for my abnormal psych exam. I got up, did my makeup and hair, and put on a cute dress. And let me tell you, I already feel more confident about this exam. And hey, if I happen to fail, at least I’ll look pretty while doing so!

Ok friends, as much as I hate to do this, I’m getting political. For those of you that don’t know, let me start by saying that I am a bleeding heart liberal when it comes to my ideologies. I’m as close as you can possibly get to being a socialist without actually being one, so naturally this post is going to be on the left side of things. Now for a disclaimer: If you are planning on spreading hate on my page, get off my site. If you are going to try and start a childish argument, get off my site. If you are going to insult me and/or others, get off my site. This is MY domain that I paid for, so it is MY place to share MY opinion here. As you read this, try to keep an open mind. I am not anti- American or anti-white people or whatever other mindless insult you can come up with. I’m a PERSON. A person with my own opinion, just like everybody else.

So what are we talking about here? What am I writing about? Colin Kaepernick is the name and not standing for the national anthem is his game. I would like to start by saying that I, in part, understand Mr. Kaepernick, because I choose to look away from the flag during the national anthem. Granted my reasons are different from his, I understand the judgment that comes with that choice. I look down because I believe that we have lost sight of the values our founding fathers built this country on. We have lost sight of what it means to be a good person, because we care more about a colored piece of cloth than we do actual people. I have that right, just as Colin does. And yes, I understand that I have that right due to the Veterans that have served our country, however we as a nation have not fought for freedom for many years. Today’s wars are fought for entirely different reasons. You can argue this notion, but then I ask that you explain to me how Iraq and Afghanistan were threats to our freedom. Today’s wars are different than the American Revolution. So to say that those that don’t look down on Colin Kaepernick are “what’s wrong with the country,” are not correct. Because it is the people that can’t understand that we are allowed to believe differently from others are what is wrong with this country. The people that are so quick to judge others before making an effort to understand them are what is wrong with this country. Those that spend their lives spewing hate and negativity into the world are what is wrong with this country.

Kaepernick chose not to stand because of the inequality African Americans are facing in today’s society. Some people say that is wrong or incorrect, and I call crap on those people. In the past week, I have seen three times as many posts and articles about Colin Kaepernick than I saw about any of the African Americans who were murdered in the last month. That is racism. I see people infuriated by Colin’s actions, but not nearly as much anger is directed at the fact that people are being murdered in our streets. That is racism. I see people pulling every example of a “successful” African American to prove that they choose to be oppressed. That is racism. I see people denying that we have a race problem in this country. That is ignorant racism.

The main argument I see against Colin is that “he is in no way oppressed, because he plays on a football team and makes a lot of money.” Why is this an issue we are concerning ourselves with? Why are we questioning whether or not Colin is being oppressed? As a white person, it is not my place, nor is it my right to say whether or not African Americans are being oppressed. Just like a bully doesn’t get decided who is labeled a victim, the majority doesn’t get to decide which minorities are being oppressed. Why do we become so obsessed with defending our way of life, even when we know that way is wrong, rather than try and fix it for the better? We need to stop blaming society for our problems, because we ARE society. You want to see a change in society? Then change your behavior. Stop focusing on these little, minor issues, and start looking at the big picture.

Colin Kaepernick’s life choices are not something we should obsess over and try to prove wrong. His life choices do not directly affect our lives, so why obsess? Whether or not he stands for the national anthem does not change the fact that I have three classes tomorrow. It does not change the fact that I am getting up at 8am and it doesn’t change the fact that my sociology homework is not done. Instead of focusing on the fact that Colin did not stand, look at WHY he is choosing to remain seated, because racism does affect our lives, some more than others, but all of our lives. I am tired of seeing this country take minor issues and blow them into something huge, while we ignore and turn away from the issues that actually matter. A year from now, what will matter more: Colin standing for the national anthem, or whether or not we have made an effort to come closer to race equality? Think about this before you get all worked up about an issue or post something to your Facebook page. What does it matter? How does it affect your life? A year from now, will it still matter? We are all humans here and we are all different. Instead of belittling differences in opinions, embrace them. Diversity is a beautiful thing and we can learn so much from each other. We just have to be open to it. Maybe when we remember what really matters in this world, I will again look to the flag with pride during the national anthem.