Monday, March 28, 2011

I was talking to a friend the other day and she mentioned something about "last bus stops". Used in this context (for the uninitiated aka people not in the know), last bus stop means you have met the person you are going to marry.

So this question is really for the married, engaged or people who are at their last bus stops. How did you know you were at your last bus stop? Did you meet the guy or girl and just know (or should i say hope)? I think for most Nigerian girls of "marriageable" age *cough, cough* (A lot of people's mothers won't let them see road until they bring someone home), they hope everyone they meet is their last bus stop, especially when the pressure is mounting. If that was the case with you, then don't worry. I understand that you were forced strongly encouraged into your last bus stop.

For those of you who went there naturally, how did you know he was the one!!!!!? I'm not talking about dating for however long and deciding. I'm talking about people who just meet someone and declare in their minds, to the person, or to their friends that they have met the one aka they are at their last bus stop.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Some people, things, or situations are just not worth the aggravation.

The satisfaction you think you might get from engaging, giving that idiot a telling off, or a verbal annihilation is usually not worth your peace of mind. So go on, hit the ignore button. It works wonders for your blood pressure too.

Apparently, my friend told me that the reason i'm thinking that way is because i have been out of Nigeria for a while. I don't think i have been out that long but still, I don't understand these chics who are dating an average guy, non-baller status and yet expect him to do all this. Maybe it's just me but i think it takes away from your self-dignity when a guy starts to take care of you on that level and you are not even married (or engaged).

If you are working, explain why a guy will give you money for hair, make-up, shoes, bag, clothes, transport fare, etc etc What are you now using your money for? Everyday cannot be christmas or your birthday. I'm not saying that you shouldn't expect your guy to treat you, but for the basic necessities you should be able to handle business and stop giving Nigerian chics a bad name. Everywhere i go, all i hear from dudes in Nigeria is how materialistic chics are. If the dude is on baller status, that might be a different story because he can afford to do all of that, even then you shouldn't let him see you finish by going to him with your every need.

Is he your father? What do you think is going through these guys minds when you are making all these demands? I don't know sha o, maybe i'm from a different planet but i just think there should be a little (or more than a little) self pride when it comes to asking for stuff from guys. Na those kind moves dey bring see-finish, at least in my opinion. I've never liked that song by Styl plus "If you go, who's gonna buy you clothes, who's gonna load your phone......etc" I was taken aback the first time i heard it. So chics cannot afford to buy their own clothes or load their phones in naija anymore? See fuck up. Na wa sha.

Before anyone says it's because i'm not in Naija, i don't think it has anything to do with that. No one said i was rolling in money over here. I am a classic case of a broke medical student. I'm roasting on most days but i'm very comfortable, can pay my bills, get all my necessities and from time to time i can treat myself because i don't have long throat. I live within my means. If i see something i like that i can't afford which is most things these days, i put in on my mental wish list for whatever year i can afford it. I don't think most Naija girls who do this crap live within their means or their parents means. They want to be styling and profiling on someone else's dime. It irritates me because at the end of the day, we are all lumped into materialistic, gold diggers.

If you know you are guilty of this sin, try to try, you hear. Get some pride and while you are at it some shame too. I just had a dude tell me yesterday (actually the person who posted this status) that he cannot date a chic who cannot provide the basics for herself. It rubs him the wrong way when she wants money for hair and make-up and stuff like that. Can we at least try to do those for ourselves?

Thank you. I appreciate that. I still love you though. Muah!

P.S. I wrote this post during my spring break before i watched blackberry babes. In the movie, Tonto Dike responded to a dude (don't know his name) who asked her why she can't buy the blackberry Torch herself, by saying "How can a fine girl (or is it babe) like me be paying for my own stuff". Is that the mentality behind this? If it is, then that would explain it. So if you are a hot, happening chic, you shouldn't pay for your stuff? I'm curious..............

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring break is over o! I go back to that........place! today. Ice block/freezer, dead zones excuse for a state. I'm still not over the fact that the closest walmart super center to me is 30 minutes away.

So what did i do with my 10 day break?

Fun stuff: Nada, Zilch, Nothing.

Sorry, i lied. I played with my niece. Her middle name is "fun stuff". She made it worth while sha. She's a lot of fun and if i wasn't going to be a doctor i would probably be doing something in psychology related to child development. So i'm fascinated to no end just watching her do stuff. I totally understand why mothers go on and on about their kids. I would too, but you guys would be sick of me. She calls me Maama and it's the cutest thing i ever heard. She calls my mom and my sister Maama too. I guess everyone is Maama at this age.

Oh and i watched a Nigerian movie : Blackberry babes. I stayed up till 5.30am watching that shit even though i had a 9am hair appt and the stupid movie did not even end. After watching part 1 and 2, i thought that would be it, but noooo!!!! There's part 3 and 4. Naija pple sef. Ahn ahn!!. The movie was interesting enough and i wanted to see how it ended. I no know say na so Naija pple don craze finish because of blackberry. I had one for like a day in 2006 or 2007 and i took it back because i just wanted a simple phone. I don't even want a blackberry even now and no one cares what phone you have in these parts. Nigerian pple always take everything to the extreme, but that's another post for another day.

School stuff: I spent 2 days doing CITI training. My research mentor is making me go through the IRB approval process for the research i'm doing this summer. The last time i checked, i was a med student not a PhD candidate. He said it would be good training for me. I agree, 100%.....but!!!!! Come on! Most of my classmates did not have to go through this mostly because i guess they are not starting original projects and if they are they don't have a hard core mentor like mine. That man dey make me vex sometimes sha, but he is a nice guy and he came through for me on a fellowship grant i applied for. I left it till last minute cos i had exams and he still bent over backwards to make sure i met the deadline (although he had subtly threatened me sha about not getting it done on time).

I spent another 2 days doing Pathway stuff that i have put aside until spring break and i'm not even done. I still have at least 3 papers to read and write a reflection on, and i have to go through different HIV agencies and summarise my findings. My school ehn? I feel like slapping them sometimes, like we don't already have enough to do. I have to add that, everybody's pathway experience is different. First of all, there are 5 pathways to pick from. Clinician Educator, Physician Scientist, Master Clinician, Urban and Community healthy and Global Health.

I picked Urban and Community Health which coincidentally has the dubious honor of being the most hard core in terms of requirements. Now after picking your pathway, you have to come up with your Individualized learning plan (ILP). See groove. I'm already complaining i have too much on my plate, you guys now want me to use my hand to add more. Do i have a choice? My focus is on HIV/AIDS prevention and awareness, so most (all) things on my ILP are related to that. We have a mid term report due on the 25th where your pathway advisor (whom you had to look for by yourself, by the way) "grades" your progress on your ILP. Madame Sting had only done 10% of the stuff on her ILP. So since i loved myself, i decided to do enough to get to at least 33% which is the minimum of how much i needed to have done by now.

I had a couple of people i wanted to go to lunch with this spring break. Mostly people from my former lab, but i didn't even let them know i was in town. Funny how i lived in ATL for 7 years and i don't have friends here. I'm just a weirdo. It was partially a conscious decision sha plus stuff happened early on that just made me sick of people and withdraw into myself. It was all book and work. I must get into med school blah blah. If i could do things differently, i would have found a balance cos med school wasn't worth the sacrifice i made. Moral of the story: Always find a balance.

On the friendship level, I kind of feel like i've given up on that. I have a hard time trusting "friends" cos many of them have DISAPPOINTED me. I just take things for what it is and go with the flow. I try to run from drama which is the main reason i don't have a lot of close friends. I don't think it's worth the headache. But! It would have been nice to have some female friends in ATL sha, i would have been forced to go out the house at least once.

Block 3 and Block 4 coming up: It's going to be a battle. Bloodbath at XYZ medical school. I have to be on my p's and q's. I really can't afford to play. No be the one wey i dey do last block. So on that note, i have scheduled posts up on till April. So yeah, i spent a day writing blog posts. I have about 5 scheduled (i no try, una dey pay me? :). Also, i've been on twitter for a hot minute, i've never gotten into it sha but i think it would be easier and faster to twit than to blog. So if you would like to be in the know about the random thoughts and rants of my life, follow me @nigerianscorpio. There's also a button at the top right of my blog.....oya click on it and follow me. Thank you :)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

I've been meaning to write this post since last year because of some things that happened and i actually started it this morning but abandoned it after just the first sentence. However after reading a comment left on my previous post, i was gingered enough to sit down and write. Today has been a onecasious (one kind) day so this might actually relax me....hopefully (before i kill somebody).

I am a Christian. I love God. I believe in God's goodness and i have my personal relationship with God which works for me. It can always get better but it works. It's between me and God and no one else. With that being said, i will say this. I am not a church goer. From 2003 to 2009, i did not set foot in a church. I went to church once in 2009, a redeemed church in my school's city. I walked out of that church in the middle of service because the pastor not only insisted on anointing everybody with oil, he also insisted on pushing people until they fell. I did not want to fall by force. So i walked out after standing in line for the anointing and getting to the front of the church. I have the right to change my mind and i did. Like my mother would say "dem no dey use shame take chop winch". I went to church 4 times last year and i haven't been this year.

I have seen so much hypocrisy from church going, bible thumping people that i do not for one second believe that someone who goes to church is better than me or is a better christian than me. Like i said, i have a relationship with God which works for me. Every Sunday, i listen to a podcast of Joel Osteen, i learn something i can use in my daily life and i'm good. I'm not complaining so you shouldn't. One of the reasons i stopped going to church in 2003 was because the people who surrounded me and were supposed to be "good Christians" were the biggest hypocrites i knew. The church nko? Another story. Let's not even talk about the church i grew up in, in Nigeria. That was one native doctor disguised as church. So no, i have not had good experiences with churches and Christians.

It really annoys me when someone after doing something bad will now be quoting the bible. The most recent one i heard ON THIS BLOG was "judge not so you may not be judged". Get the fuck out of here with that shit. Are you mad? You must be mad. How can someone who's hands are dirty be quoting the bible for me? Another idiot that used to be my friend did this same thing last year. After not hearing from this chic for over a year cos i cut her off when i found out the super shady shit she was doing behind my back. This chic was shady as hell. Telling me things about someone so i would stop talking to the person so that the coast will be clear for her to jump in. Person wey i no even want. I don't like drama so i jejely respected my old age and left her alone. She's going to email me out of the blue saying she heard i was insulting her bitterly and that God was going to vindicate her. How about God will punish you. You don do bad thing finish, u dey call God.

Hypocrites abound and i am sick of it. You people should leave God alone, okay. He has better things to do. Stop using him to cover face and stop quoting the bible when you know your hands are not clean. Don't think you would scare me or make me feel any kind of way by saying Judge not so i might not be judged. Like i said earlier, get the fuck out of here! Don't let God punish you for using his name to cover up your ass.

Another idiot who's supposed to be related to me is going to tell me last year, that this is how people's lives are ruined because they don't know God. All because i told her the truth about herself. Like i said, God has a lot of people he's going to punish when he comes especially those who use him to cover face. Leave him alone.

I'm by no means perfect and I'll be the first to admit my faults. I don't go around judging people but a spade's a spade's a spade.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I don't think i'm supposed to go where am about to but i am going to because it's bothering me, just like it bothered me today when the lady working the jewelery department at Kohls' acted like i was going to do a grab and dash. Last time i checked, i don't look like Lindsey Lohan. Since it bothered me so much, i had to call and complain to the manager after i got home because my annoyance wasn't going away. So you see, i'm a doer. I have the dubious honor of being the most "rash" person my friend knows in the sense that when something bothers me, i have to do something about it.

So a blog for most people is a sanctuary and the anonymity it provides (especially for most Nigerian bloggers, including yours truly) gives us the ability to be completely honest. Well, i can no longer claim anonymity and i have a good number of people who know me in real life, know that i run this blog. In fact, my friends know and read this blog and i have made non-blogger friends through this blog (Hi Dartmouth aka Okon's houseboy or something).

Anyhoodle, I've been blogging and reading blogs since 2007 and i've seen all types of blogs. Blogs written by aristo chics , people who have been sexually abused, etc etc. I enjoyed reading some of these blogs because they taught me things i would otherwise not have been exposed to. I learned about how silent our Nigerian community is on the issue of sexual abuse (coincidentally, Vera's radio show is going to be talking about that this coming Saturday). For the most part, i would like to believe that I'm not judgmental but there are some blogs i have landed on that have left me speechless or full of judgment aka passing judgment even though no one died and made me God. Although, i think it is really a case of "not understanding" more than anything else.

My motto in life is live and let live and i really believe that and practice that in real life. Funny how i was asked that question in one my med school interviews by the 3rd year who interviewed me and that's exactly what i said. I believe that life is too short and too difficult that you need to let people do what makes them happy unless it involves killing people, raping children and things of that nature. All this long story is just to say that i stumbled on a blog today that has left me o_O.

The aristo chic blog i mentioned earlier did not shock me, however, i was disgusted with majority of bloggers who pretty much gave her a pat on the back. I was disgusted because i figured if these same people knew this chic in real life, they would not be so quick to condone her lifestyle and would most likely be the ones talking about her behind her back. I just didn't like the hypocrisy of it all.

Blogs that talk about sexual excapades and go into great details...........for the most part i don't read. I don't even read sex scenes in novels (and i started reading mills and boon in JSS1) because as far as i'm concerned long and short of it is "they had sex". I don't need to know the details, not remotely interested. Same reason i have never read a book by Zane, just not my thing.

Blog by a mistress? Speechless. I just am. Maybe i should be more open-minded but i have strong feelings when it comes to that. I always put myself in the wife's shoes. How can you justify being with a married man? You don't do single men.......blah blah. Some statements in that blog just rubbed me that wrong way and she had the effontery to pray for the wife. Like i commented on that post........."wowzers and not in a good way".
This is not the first blog by a mistress i have stumbled on, but for some reason, this one just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe because i just blogged about how to deal with a cheating husband.

With all that being said, i still believe people should be free to blog about what they want. Nobody is forcing me to read any blog, so i'll just continue to read or not read and zip it on blogs i don't " like". I am probably going against blog etiquette by blogging about this, but whatever.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

......look the other way and pamper him more. Then he will change his attitude. (paraphrased)

No, i'm not married so that follows that i've never had a cheating husband. So this Governor's wife gave an interview here, and she said some interesting things about marriage, some of which i agree with and most of which i'm giving the side eye. I think my friend was looking for my trouble when he pointed me to that article.

"Girls did not let him rest; but I have always taken him as my son. If my son misbehaves, will I disown him? So whatever he did, I accepted and forgave him. I talked to him. I have never fought any girl."

In response to finding letters from chics "...............................I’d rather start pampering him."

Question from the reporter: How did come round to apologise, bring up the topic himself?

"No. He did not but he’d change his attitude. When a man is having an affair outside, definitely, he will change a bit. The wife will know it in the house."

So, what is she saying? You catch your husband cheating, never confront him, look the other way, continue to treat him very well. Blame the girls, they are the ones that are not letting him rest, he has no free will and responsibility for cheating. In fact, when he sees these fine chics, he becomes a robot, a puppet, a mugu without self control, so it's not his fault at all. Therefore, don't expect a discussion or an apology, just pretend like everything is fine. Do you people remember that show on Oxygen, Snapped? That's how it starts o!

Isn't that called living a lie? So in other to keep the peace in my home, i should turn to a state mugu? The man will know that his wife looks the other way so he is free to carry out his escapades without fear of repercussion? Na wa o! My friend said something which i agree with. He said the reason that marriages of people in the older generation lasted for so long, is because the women were willing to do all of that; look the other way and pamper. I totally agree with that statement but i don't support it. How happy were they? I know back them women had to suck it up because divorce was not a option and it was heavily stigmatized. We all know that Nigerians place much value on your stock as a woman if you are married (which i personally think it's crap but it is what it is). People would look at you crazy if you said you left your husband because he was cheating, because not only does our society expect men to cheat (because men will be men (side eye to that)), polygamy is also part of our culture. I agree that my generation doesn't hold marriage as sacred and therefore most are not willing to stick it through the bad times, but still.....

There are some men who think twice before cheating because they know that if their wife should find out there will be hell to pay. I would also like to believe (key phrase is like to believe) that there are some men who love their wife/family enough not to cheat simply because they know it's not worth it. I'm not married, don't have a cheating husband, so i don't know what i would do. It's easy to talk up and down to say, i would do this and i would do that, but then when you are thrown into the situation it will be a different story.

I told my friend that i don't like talking about these issues because there's never any clear resolution. There are too many gray areas. All of us go make mouth finish, then we marry and our husbands cheat all we can do is cry, clean our eyes and suck it up just like our mothers. Oh, i forgot to add pray to that list because that's what is solution to everything that afflicts a Nigerian is. If your husband is cheating and panel beating you as a bonus, just cry, clean your eyes and go pray. Prayer changes things. Mmmhh...Ok!

With that being said, with the divorce rate rising at an alarming rate in Nigeria (i swear before i left Nigeria in 2002, i couldn't count 5 people i knew who were divorced), i think more and more women are unwilling to put up with bullshit in their marriages. Even though i think a lot of people are marrying the wrong people for the wrong reasons to begin with mostly because of pressure from their parents (a whole nother blog post), i think people are less willing to sit there and suck it up especially if they are not being met any part of the way at all, not to talk of half way.

So how in God's name do you now deal with a cheating spouse so that you don't end up looking like a mugu or taken for granted by your husband? I really do believe once a cheater, always a cheater. Am i wrong? When i do get married, i want it to be forever, till death do us part, that's why i'm taking my sweet time because i don't want to end up with the wrong person. However, knowing myself as much as i do, I know that i will not stay in an unhappy marriage where i feel i don't have a voice and my husband can go cheat on me all willy nilly and i would have to hold my peace because i don't want to rock the boat and drive him out further into the willing arms of those so called "crazy girls". There has to be a middle ground. What do you guys think is the best way forward?

I think communication and marrying your FRIEND is very important.

By the way, the lady gave marriage advice at the end which i think it's reasonable. You should check it out.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I was talking to a friend not too long ago, just gisting about general stuff. We started talking of his friend who was a virgin but pretty much had done everything (else).

Ok, you guys should help me figure this out. I will have to be explicit, so please brace yourself. So this chic has pretty much been fingered, licked from head to toe, given and received oral but because she hasn't had penis to vagina penetration she can still claim virgin status and be proud about it too, like she achieved something. Something is just not right with this picture, at least to me.

How about a friend whose culture pretty much said, you sleep with a guy, you marry him or rather you better not sleep with a guy or you get killed if your father finds out. So this chic, with her hijab and all, you will never ever suspect she was as "sexually" experienced as she was, even going as far as anal sex. Yet, she was a virgin!!! o_O

Ok! Call me old school, sexually repressed, unadventurous or even a prude, but i think anal sex is a bigger deal than vaginal sex. Oh my Jesus, i don't even want to imagine it. Let's not talk about all the complications with that. My sister is a nurse and she tells me stories (hint rectal abscess). Just reminds me of the expression my friend used to describe a particularly bad exam "Raped in the ass without lube or condom". he he..... i know that's neither here nor there, but i think that expression is very apt in certain situations. Anyway, back to the anal sex thing. How can someone who has experienced the joy or sorrow, or just the experience period (ewwww) of anal sex still open their mouth and say that they are virgins?

This thing is not making any sense to me o. I guess this brings me to the definition of virginity. From my observation, i guess different people take it to mean different things, some are even liberal enough to expand the definition to include whatever makes them sleep better at night. Okay o!

If we only want to include penis to vagina sex to rid you of your virgin status, then that means all lesbians who have never been with a man, but have had sex with women are virgins them? I think even they would disagree with me. This is where having a lesbian friend would have been useful, but the only one i'm on speaking (hi hello) terms with, would probably think i've lost my mind if i dared approach her with such a topic.

Long and short of it is, i really couldn't care less what someone's status is, virgin o, none virgin o, that's your problem but what i do have a problem with is the people who like to deceive themselves and decieve others in the process. That i have a problem with and i will say something about that because as far as i'm concerned you are practicing reverse hypocrisy (don't bother googling that, i just made it up).

As far as i am concerned, if a man has been all up in your honey pot, either with his fingers, his lips or his tongue or you have touched and have been touched in very private places (apparently both back and front these days), sucked and have been sucked, paraded in your birthday suit in front of a man, amongst other things then you are not a virgin!!! Stop lying to yourself. You can call yourself that all you want, and that's allowed too but stop disgracing yourself by telling people that you are one, then still telling them of your sexual escapades with the same mouth you used to suck someone's dick the night before.

That's my 2 cents. What's yours?

P.S I'm done with exams. They tried to kill me, almost succeeded but i'm a strong African woman. Home for spring break with my boo boo, love of my life, sweetheart, my heartthrob (according to kitkat), the one and only Izzynator, my 18 month old niece :). and i'm loving every second of it.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Cheesecake....The one thing that's guaranteed to make me happy (at least for the 5-10 minutes it takes me to eat it. These are pictures from different cheesecake factory runs. I've had like 3 Dulche de Leche cheesecakes in a month. 2 courtesy of my sister from another mother. Thank God for friends who know you love cheesecake :) I know, I'm a cheesecake mafia. My sister was accusing me of being addicted to cheesecake. I don't know what she's talking about. Do you?

Med school is a torture camp disguised as a learning institution. I have 15 lectures and 4 labs to learn like the back of my hand before Monday. I'm still on lecture 5. No, i'm not slow, one lecture is at least 11 pages and i can't just read like i'm reading a novel. I need to read, understand and memorize. Ha! My life.

3.20am back to the grind. I probably won't be able to blog until the end of next week. Feel free to roll ur eyes at me, you know i'm full of shit. :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

So, i was contacted last year by the editor of this magazine about putting a couple of my blog posts in the January edition of " Here" magazine. They ended up going with the post i put up about getting my helix pierced and one i talked about how watching Jim and Pam's wedding on the office making me want to get married :) I can't link to those posts cos they went down when i "re-vamped" this blog (come to think of it, i have over 300 posts saved in draft. I'm glad i did it now :) Anyway. here's the link to the site. You have to pay to get the magazine, but it becomes free on the net January 2012. I don't have a copy of it. I have to look into getting that.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

March 1st...yay! My sympathy goes out to all the leap year babies. Another year without a birthday. Ok, fine, i know i'm not supposed to be here but i have been cheating especially with Blog(s)Ville Gist. The site is not going to update itself. EDJ, Ibhade, and Lara have called me out so far. Thanks guys. I'm not coming back here until my exams are over. I (partially) promise. I think i'm addicted to blogger. But really, i've been much better, plus i need an outlet. Most of the posts i put on BVG are at like 4 am when the rest of the world is sleeping (except for witches and wizard cos that's when their meeting is just wrapping up. Don't ask me how i know these things. I just know).

Anyhoodle, i felt the need to stop by and wish you guys an awesome month. I know it's going to be a GREAT month for me. I'm looking forward to spending 10 days with my heart (ha ha ha, don't even try to figure that one out). Had to make a quick stop at the hospital yesterday. This ol' body of mine has been acting up more than usual. I needed to make sure i will still be alive for my exams this/next week. The power of prayer never fails. Believe that ! (Well, except you didn't study or study hard enough and you pray and pray for a miracle. 9 out of 10 times, you will still fail. At least in med. school. Those miracles are hard to come by :) #justsaying. You better study before asking for a miracle. Trust me, i'm a living witness to that. lol)

Seriously though, i'm wishing you guys the best of this new month. All the good things your heart desires. You will keep marching forward, never backwards. May the good lord, bless and keep all of us.

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