Ask Dr. Marcia: Sister's kids' bad manners upset their entire family

My stomach is already in a knot about the holidays, and it's because of the behavior of my sister's kids.

They are 8, 10 and 12 years old, and my sister and her husband allow them to sit at the dinner table playing games/texting on their iPhones or tablets. (Yes, they each have both!)

The fact that I do not have kids has nothing to do with my ability to recognize rude behavior, which I completely blame their parents for. I bite my tongue when I am at my sister's house, as I feel it is not my place, although last year at her house on Easter, I asked if she didn't want them to put them away while we at the table, and she said it was fine because it "kept them busy."

When we go to their house, these kids don't even say hello unless we are there for their birthday, and they are expecting as gift. Other than that, they are too busy with their phones.

I am hosting my family's Christmas dinner this year, and my husband and I have already discussed the "issue." I am thinking it might be best if maybe a week or so before when I'm talking to her on the phone I mention that in my house, I prefer the kids not have their phones at the table and ask that she support this.

My fear is that I know how it's going to go: My sister is going to use the "keeps them busy" line, and I am going to say at the table, they should socialize. Then she'll get mad and say they won't come for dinner, followed by her calling my mother. Then, my mom will call and say they can't not see their grandchildren on Christmas and ask me to let it be.

Yes, that is exactly what has happened before, and I caved, but I'm sick of all of their behavior. My mom agrees with me, but since my sister is the biggest brat of all, she doesn't say anything anymore because my sister has stormed out of her house when she did.

I feel in my house, I should be the one to say what is allowed at my table. Please help us resolve this before the holidays!

Holiday stressed

Dear Stressed,

Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place! The key here is to have your parents' support. Tell them how you're going to approach your sister. Ask for their support when she calls them to threaten not to come over for Christmas. It's important they tell her they feel the same way and are not going to allow it anymore, either. You and your parents should remind your sister how you respect her house rules, and she should be doing the same in your homes. Tell her you do all want to enjoy the holidays together, including time spent with the kids!

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Ask Dr. Marcia: Sister's kids' bad manners upset their entire family

My stomach is already in a knot about the holidays, and it's because of the behavior of my sister's kids.

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