A lot of my life choices have been reckless and spontaneous. As I get older and work toward my goals, the reckless behavior continues

The One From MocoSpace

By the time I was 15 I was a MocoSpace addict. I would sneak on it in class, I would spend my whole lunch on it and as soon as I finished my homework I’d spend hours in the chat rooms. I met a lot of girls and guys on there, but the one person I got super close to was Darla Brown. Darla is the dopest person I’ve ever met! We would talk on the phone, text and discuss everything. She lived like an hour away from me, but we never actually hung out until recently.

One day I was complaining to Darla about my guy problems. I told her how I always had the worst of luck and she told me she had a guy in mind for me. I really liked Darla and I trusted her judgment. She had known this dude for years and they were very close friends, so I decided to give him a chance.

Jermaine Givens was… different. He wasn’t the cutest dude, but he was super creative which I liked. His style and his interests were different than what I was used to, so I was definitely intrigued. He wanted to be a rapper and he was was a really good writer so I quickly became his biggest fan. We started to go on dates and eventually made it official. My family loved Jermaine and he and my brother started to collaborate and make music together. This was the first boy my brother had met, so them bonding made me happy.

Things went left when Jermaine admitted to me that him and his “best friend” used to date. I was so annoyed, because I had spoke to his best friend Angel on the phone and I liked her. However, as soon as he told me they had dated for a while she became my enemy. I just didn’t feel comfortable with them hanging out and talking. There would be times he’d be on the phone with her for hours and I didn’t care, but now that I knew about the past I just felt disrespected and uncomfortable. Jermaine tried to tell me that Angel was like his sister, but I wasn’t buying it. We fought and fought and fought about this for months until I finally gave him an ultimatum: me or her. Jermaine had just told me he loved me for the first time so I knew that he would cut her off. I knew that he didn’t want to do it, but as soon as he did all our problems went away. I had no reason to be insecure anymore, so I was happy.

Ironically my best friend Quincy Sanders was in a relationship with a girl who couldn’t stand me. She was paranoid that something was going on with us even though we had never done anything. As much as he tried to make her understand that we were literally just friends since the 3rd grade, she was still insecure. One day I was talking to him about her and I called her out of her name. He got so upset that he went off on me and hung up the phone in my face. This was the first argument we had ever gotten into and I was pissed. I called Jermaine to go off and vent about the situation. I remember saying “How could he choose a girl over his best friend?! I’ve always been there for him and he chooses a girl? He’s a terrible person and I can’t believe him.” During my rant I noticed that Jermaine was super quiet, which he never was. I asked him what was wrong and he said “You are upset at your friend after you literally made me do just that. You’re a hypocrite. You just said how do you pick someone over your best friend and you’re right”.

Jermaine hung up on me and ignored me for days. I kept calling and texting him, but he didn’t respond. I did not see how he was comparing my situation to his. He dated his best friend, I never dated mine, but I decided to apologize in order to get him back. He was the best dude I had dated so far and I didn’t want to lose him.

A couple days later I showed up at Jermaine’s house unexpectedly. His mom opened the door and told me she knew what had happened, but she let me go to his room anyway. He looked super annoyed that I showed up, but we started to talk. I basically begged Jermaine to get back with me, but he just couldn’t forgive me. I had even messaged Angel and apologized, but he didn’t care. Jermaine was done with me and I just had to accept it. I groveled for like an hour and finally gave up. On my way out his mom saw me crying and she hugged me for a long time. She told me some motivational words I don’t remember and then I got on the BART and went home. I stayed in my room and cried for like two days and didn’t talk to anyone. I felt defeated.

Luckily I had got hired at KFC a couple days prior to the break up. My first day of work was that week and junior year had just started, so I was forced to get it together. I became addicted to making money and I was eventually able to pay for a new phone, prom expenses and a car! Life was pretty good and all I did was go to school and work. I was single all through 11th grade and it wasn’t until 12th grade when I made the mistake of dating Benjamin Walker…..