The Freedom To Be Themselves

Gay Students And Their Friends Get The Chance To Dance The Night Away Without Worry At The 1st Suburban Prom Just For Them.

May 16, 2000|By Tracy Dell'Angela, Tribune Staff Writer.

Julie Lopez didn't want to miss her school prom, but there was too much pretending involved. Buying a gown, getting a date, dancing with guys--it was what people expected, but it wasn't what she wanted.

So the Addison Trail High senior took her chances at a different kind of dance, a downsized prom held Saturday in a Naperville church and sponsored by the Gay-Straight Alliance at Wheaton Warrenville South High.

She donned a pale blue suit, ran a comb through her short brown hair, got a good-luck message from her grandmother and a ride from her aunt, and spent the night dancing and socializing with a roomful of welcoming strangers.

"As far as I know, I'm the only gay kid at Addison. But I look at this, and I know I'm not alone," said Lopez, 18. She smiled and gestured toward the cluster of dancers, whose attire ranged from formal gowns and fedoras to a clown wig and a thrift store leisure suit.

"If I went to prom, I couldn't be myself. But here, you can be free," she said.

That freedom, a goal that's out of reach for many gay teenagers at their school dances, was the inspiration behind this prom--believed to be first staged in the suburbs, although a more formal one is held yearly in Chicago and has grown significantly over the last 15 years.

"This is more than symbolic. This is a big step," said Nancy Mullen, executive director of DuPage Questioning Youth Center, an advocacy group for teens who are gay or who are questioning their sexual orientation. "Every other kid gets to go to prom as they so choose. But for [gay students] that's not an option ... unless they are willing to take a huge risk to make a statement. The students who put this together should be commended for their bravery."

Naomi Williams, the Warrenville student who helped organize the prom, didn't give much thought to bravery or historic firsts. She was more worried about whether they would get a decent turnout and whether she brought enough ice for the soft drinks.

Before the dance started, Williams skittered across the wood floor in the First Congregational United Church of Christ in her black velvet gown, adjusting the rainbow colored streamers, hanging up the balloons, screaming greetings at school friends as they arrived.

She was happy her group managed to pull this off, creating a safe space for gay teenagers and their straight allies in a place close to home. But she knows this dance won't match the hoopla that usually accompanies a school prom--at least not yet.

"Everyone is out there having a good time. That's all I wanted," said the 18-year-old senior.

In the end, about 20 students from a handful of DuPage schools came to the prom, some arriving as couples but most socializing with groups of friends. Four women helped chaperon, including the GSA advisers from Wheaton Warrenville, teachers Jenne Dehmlow and Gloria Latta.

Latta said she wanted to keep the event low-key, opting to spread the word through other gay youth groups rather than publicize the event. She didn't want to risk any protests, especially given its location at her church.

"This was an extension of what we already have going at the high school ... a logical next step," Latta said. "We were hoping for a bigger response, but hopefully there will be domino effect."

The modest turnout also could be explained by the fact that Chicago's alternative prom--sponsored by Horizons, a city-based gay youth group--was held on the same night at a downtown hotel. The Horizons prom has grown significantly since it began in the mid-1980s as a casual dance at the center offices. It now draws a sit-down dinner crowd of almost 100 students from the city and suburbs.

"I try and make it as traditional as possible, so they can get the full promlike experience," said Erschel DeLeon, youth services supervisor for Horizons. Of course, the prom court is anything but traditional, with two pairs of kings and queens--one male, one female--although most of the promgoers are dressed in formal garb.

DeLeon said she welcomes the addition of an alternative prom in the suburbs, where it is sorely needed for the kids who can't pull off the logistics of a late-night dance in the city.

"I'm so excited for them, and I'd love to do something collaboratively," she said. "The suburbs aren't the safest place to hold a gay prom. But it sends the message that it can be done. The potential ... is huge."

For Meg Sievers, 17, of Naperville the dance was a chance to capture some of the magic she missed at her school prom, which she got permission to attend with her girlfriend but too late to buy tickets.

She and her date, Audrey, walked in to the church hall hand-in-hand, beaming in floor-length gowns and grousing about how they hate to dress up. They slow danced to "Summer Nights" and boogied hard with some new friends.

The young women had been sent on their way with blessings from Meg's mom, who made them pose for photos by the fireplace and lent them the car.

"I was glad to see there was an opportunity for kids ... to go to this dance with someone they are attracted to, " said Ann Sievers, who made a big deal the week earlier when her other daughter, Meg's twin Anna, went to Naperville Central High's prom with her boyfriend. "That's what prom is all about, about being with someone who rings your bell."

Ann Sievers said she did get into a spat with her daughter before the dance, but it was about her dress choice, not her date choice.

"Meg has always been real and honest and above board," she said. "She has trained me in ways that other parents have never been able to experience. So she went to the prom with a girl ... it's such a small part of who she is."