Liveblogging Top Chef Vegas: Finale, Part Two

THIS SEASON ON TOP CHEF: There was a lot of chaff. Nobody liked Robin. A guy who is not Jonah Hill lives with his mom. Shiv, Kevin and the Brothers Grim were consistently great. Tonight, one of them, who had better be Kevin, wins.

10:01: I gotta say, I don’t like Michael, but cook-wise, this might be the most solid top three ever.

Kevin: “My knives? I’m just gonna karate chop everything to pieces.” HE COULD DO IT.

10:03: Why are they standing in front of a teeny tiny table?

The challenge: a 3 course meal. First, you get a box and you have to use everything in it. Like we’re on”Chopped,” but not. Second, make anything you want. Third, make a dessert. If we have another season where no one came in knowing how to make at least one dessert, I will personally hunt them all down and smack them.

10:04: And you get help! Two sous, chosen by knife draw. Brian gets Shiv: lucky motherfucker. But then he also gets Hairbrush, so that’s a problem.

My poor Kevin: Preethi and Ash. Le sigh.

10:06: The mystery box: fish, crab, squash, shrooms, meyer lemons.

10:08: Kevin’s got Preethi on veg chopping duty, which she can barely manage. Rally, Kevin! Rally! You can rise above your crappy sous! Hairbrush seems to be doing a decent job, as is some other woman who I don’t remember as ever having been on the show. Was she always blond?

10:09: Coming up: A TWEEST!

10:12: Commercials: If ComCast is really giving me free service and cash back for being late, I am going to be ROLLING in it.

And then everyone’s mom shows up! No tweest at all, just hugs. Where is my tweest? Are their moms the new sous? Do they have to cook each others’ mothers signature casseroles?

10:16: They show up at the restaurant and there’s Colicchio. NOW do we get the tweest? YES! Cook a fourth course inspired by your favorite childhood dish. Which, in all honesty, I hate the tweests, but that’s a cute challenge.

10:17: Childhood picture of Michael the drama queen losing his shit over some broccoli? PRICELESS.

10:18: Kevin: looks way better with a beard.

Shockingly, Kevin’s mom is a good ole Southern cook, and he’s making fried chicken skin. Because he knows I love him.

AND he got into MIT?

10:19: AND he’s cooking his mystery box fish in duck fat. THAT’S MY BOY. Thankfully, Ash actually seems to be good for something.

10:21: Michael is making sophisticated food that only looks rustic, and then “out I come!” That’s not terrifying at all. At least he managed to be not an asshole for 30 seconds while talking about/to his mom and didn’t get all “she was an okay mom, but she cooked food I would never feed my own children.”

Wait, AND Kevin’s putting bacon in the dessert? It’s like he can read my soul. We’re both already married, Kevin. This wooing is wrong, and you know it.

Don’t stop.

10:22: Are they pitting the mothers against each other as judges? Ratings gold! I bet it was Andy Cohen’s idea. It smacks of his kind of douchebaggery.

10:25: Brian’s attempt as singing along to the GladWare commercial: 90% accuracy! Well played.

10:26: The brothers’ mom just threatened Tom Colicchio. Which, I’m all for that, but calm down, lady. No one’s said anything yet.

Toby Young is back. Super! Along with ten thousand other way more impressive people, like Donatella Arpaia and Drew Nierporent. And of course, Kathy and Sharon.

10:29: The Brothers’ mom does not take criticism of her sons well. If we could just keep the camera trained on her face…also, consider replacing Toby Young with her next year.

And there is criticism, because some of them aren’t loving Michael. Don’t toy with me, editors.

10:30: And the course is over, so hit the road, moms! Nice.

Kevin’s mom and her frosted eyeshadow are beyond fantastic. I want her over for dinner. And she can bring Kevin, and he can cook.

I just heard the words “caramelized ham jus.” I want a great big glass of that, and I don’t care how disgusting that sounds.

10:34: I think Kevin’s going down. I’m going to start adjusting to that now. If I’m wrong, it will be a happy surprise.

10:35: Yeah, Kevin’s going down.

Pardon me while I ignore what’s going on for a few minutes to really process this. I was still in denial about it last minute.

10:36: Calling it for Bryan. And I will be okay with that. Not thrilled, but okay.

I admit it, I’m a little angry with Kevin for not coming in with a more kick-ass dessert up his sleeve. I know it’s irrational. Let me have my moment.

10:39: Commercials: Toshiba laptop commercials hearken back to Tron. Because when I think technological advancement, I think Tron.

10:40: Pointless Interlude: Kevin feels great. Bryan is confident. Not so much? Michael. I warned you once about toying with me, editors. I won’t warn you a second time.

10:43: JUDGE’S TABLE: Lavendar suits Tom Colicchio. Less so for Gail, or Toby Young. Did they all call each other the night before? “What are you wearing?” “The lavendar tie? No, I wanted to wear the lavendar tie!”

10:45: Padma: “What about your pork dish?” I hate it when the voice overs are so painfully obvious.

Kevin dared to disagree with Tom over his pork belly. Nail in the coffin.

I have friends who hunt with that sort of outlook, though when they say “ingredients”, they mean “meat that will keep me and mine alive over the winter.” They tend to thank their kills, which seems odd until you think about it the way they do.

I’ve eaten at Bryan’s restaurant (Volt) for the “Table 21″ 21 course tasting menu… it was amazing first of all, but secondly, he made that cheesecake… my fiance ate his, then stole my mom’s and mine, it was just that good. I want him to win, but mainly because he was so super nice to us at the dinner… then again it’s $121 a person so he’d better be nice!

While I don’t rank Michael winning as bad as Hosea winning, I just… Ew. I honestly could never pay much attention to what Michael cooked for his douchebaggery. I don’t doubt he has skills, but the cockiness/little brother insecurity? No no no.

I’m honestly not that shocked that it was Michael. I rooted for Yukon from the beginning but I just had a bad feeling from the moment the ingredient box was revealed. Once he got Preeti, and Michael *didn’t* get Robin, I knew it was over for him.

The judges LOVE people who are “adventurous” with their food. And on the spectrum of asshole Top Chef contestants, I did not hate him as much as The Wolverine from Season 2.

I think there are some hanging chads at the Top Chef judges table. Stupid Michael. Stupid Hosea. Stupid Ilan. I want recounts and now. AND I want this to be the end of molecular gastronomical “I puree mushrooms and then reform them into nauseatingly shiny faux mushrooms for the irony” nonsense. Ick.

While I didn’t want Michael to win, I don’t think this is nearly as bad as Hosea, I mean it’s obvious Michael can cook, and he may be a jerk (or that may be editing) but in reality any of the three of those guys could have taken it and I wouldn’t have really called bullshit. Last year? Totally different story. Hosea was an ass, sure but I also just can’t believe he cooked better than Carla, Fabio or Stefan!!

Hysterical. I was so disappointed that Michael won. So talented – but he was kind of a prick all season wasn’t he? Volt (Brian’s restaurant) is actually a restaurant close to DC so I hope to check it out. Andy Cohen annoys the shit out of me.

michelle – I am a little obsessed with your recaps of top chef. I once tried to hop in for the live blog but realized that holding wine and my laptop was a recipe for disaster so I read them during my lunch break at work. I’m still saddened at the end of this season, but i guess in terms of creativity, michael was a shoo-in for the win when jenn fell apart. I still think she’s the most badass of all the chefs.

“For once in this entire competition, I let my emotions get the better of me. I know you know what was going on in my personal life. [Gillespie and his wife of 6 years had broken up just prior to the taping of the finale.]”

Not that I’m reveling in a broken marriage, but, um, he is single now.