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We are heading to a play party this weekend to talk more and do some lighter play to ensure that we are compatible. I have known him casually for a few years, but we aren't super close, and we have never played before.

I haven't played with a new person in over two years, so I am sure it will be quite an adventure!

Man, I'm going to a play party next weekend where I had this tiny, small, weird fucking little experience last time and I've realized I still feel uncomfortable about it.

Basically, I was wearing shorts with visible, pretty stockings and a garter belt over it. Earlier in the night, the guy who works security, who had been at prior events, had watched/verbally given a heads up about my seams while my friend helped me straighten my stockings.

Cue later in the night, I've had a couple of drinks, he and I are on friendly-banter terms, and I'm coming back from the bathroom and dude lets me know my stockings aren't straight. I go "Oh?" and turn around so he can assist and he starts to adjust them and then stops and goes "I'm just kidding." and the experience made me uncomfortable?

I recounted this on Facebook back when it had initially happened and got SOME REAL FUCKING UNHELPFUL advice about consent being like tea and you know what, no. I don't think the guy was wildly inappropriate, but he was over my lines. Grey sexual experiences, grey consent, is ABSOLUTELY a thing, and erasing that is damaging. I would have been perfectly fine with the dude doing what he did if he'd actually fixed my damn stockings. I'd turned around so he could!

And then like, here's another thing, this is a small members-only event run by people who are ON THEIR SHIT with consent stuff. So I think that happening in that space, by someone ON STAFF, just fucked with me. So I'm feeling a little weird and uncomfortable about being back there again next weekend. It's a *really fun event* otherwise. Formal attire, small group, fancy cocktails, it's lovely.

I *think* what I should do here is that basically if it comes up again in any context, address it, and for now just assume positive intent and poor execution. But ugh, ugh.

Sorry to hear about you going through that. I can imagine it's especially disappointing, having somewhat let your guard down a bit, with the expectation or hopes to have some protection from a welcoming kink-friendly environment.