Starting Conversations with Women: Talk in Terms of HER

Yep. Scary. Less scary if you know what to say, though. Photo credit: college candy.com

What do you say? How do you avoid rejection?

The short answer is… talk about stuff she’d want to talk about.

Check out this story from Mystery.

PART ONE: Initiate an Interesting Topic of Conversation

Louie and Mystery are in a buffet restaurant eating, and 3 girls are eating at a table inconveniently 30 feet away from them.

So, they get some food and discuss a WAY IN. Louie comes up with an “ON THE FLY OPENER.”

He goes in and crash and burns. But, hey, we all gotta go through the pain of losing to start LEARNING and getting good. Right? And we can learn something from what he did.

So, this is what he did.

He carries some cookies to the girls and says:

Louie: Do you have any idea how I can secretly sneak out 16 cookies from this place without getting caught?

Girl #1: Put them in your hood.

Louie: I could do that by throwing them into the air and catching them… cha ching!

Have no idea what that means, but points for being kinda unique.

Then he fucks it up by sitting with them. This makes the girls feel invaded and uncomfortable, because… and here’s the key… he had not yet initiated an interesting topic of conversation, so that they would WANT him there.

But hey, the dude TRIED. Major points for that.

Again, he failed to initiate an INTERESTING TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. Lesson: Before approaching chicks, have an interesting topic of conversation ready to engage them.

Okay, fine. What exactly is an “INTERESTING” topic of conversation?

Excellent question.

PART TWO: Talk about stuff SHE’D like to talk about

People don’t care about what you want. People care about what THEY want.

Don’t worry about getting her to like you. See something good about her, and point this out. Like her first. Talk about her favorite subject. HER.

Think in terms of her point of view, and talk about things from this angle.

The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking. Rare is the guy who approaches a woman and talks in terms of THEM, and gives them FEELING GOOD. This guy is so rare, that he’ll stand out. She’ll stop, and take notice.

By talking in terms in her, you’ll arouse in her a want. She’ll want to talk.

Also, being enthusiastic arouses a want in others to talk as well. People connect with that emotion. That’s a cool emotion to connect with, especially for a woman you’d like to get to know better.

Henry Ford:

“If there’s any one secret to success it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle, as well as from your own.”

1. Talk about stuff that SHE’D like to talk about.

2. Be enthusiastic and fascinated. She’ll enjoy talking with you because of how you make her FEEL.

3. Share some insight into who she is. All of us humans enjoy learning, especially if it gives us some insight into who we are.

Talk in terms of her. You’ll arouse in her a want. That’s all you need.

PART THREE: Chick Crack

Here’s some possible topics you can open with.

By the way, this is why Style’s and Mystery’s routines work so well. They were based on the principle of TALKING IN TERMS OF HER.

You only have to pick one or two topics below.

I. Self-Disclose

A. Your Passion

My most successful conversation starter was telling a girl straight out that my passion is writing. Benefits: a) She knows who she’s talking with. b) Passion is a feeling everyone can relate to. c) Afterwards, I get to ask what HER passion is. This is what I really care about. I wanna know who this chick is.

B. A Funny or Embarrassing Story

Cosmo has an entire column called “Confessions,” which is all about embarrassing moments. What does that tell you? A funny embarrassing story makes her laugh, and shows your human side. (examples: “The W,” “Two Girls Fighting Outside”)

C. Enthusiastic News that would excite HER

Article you just read that’s girl-relevant… maybe a new take on cheating, or how girls think

Great thing that just happened to you… maybe you just got promoted

Cool movie or concert you just saw… maybe you just saw Avengers

Cool fact or discovery (like of Google Earth) that totally FASCINATED you

II. “Who You Are” Tests

(Shed some insight about who she is. And actually learn about her.)

A. Shorter Tests. First 2 minutes to “hook” the girl.

Make Observations about Her (“The Rings Routine” or “Best Friend’s Test” are examples and even Style’s “Eliciting Values” works here)

PART FOUR: Before and After Starting a Conversation and “The Initial Benefit Statement”

BEFORE you initiate a topic of conversation, NEG HER.

For example you could say something as simple as, “I can already tell, you and I are NOT going to get along.” Laughter breaks the ice. But this special kind of FLIRTATIOUS laughter, creates all-important sexual tension. I’ve got more on this in my article “Flirting.”

AFTER initiating an interesting topic of conversation, ASK ABOUT HER.

This is so important. Don’t be the dancing monkey. Qualify her. It avoids you getting stuck, and moves the conversation forward.

Then when she answers your question, STATE YOUR INTEREST in her. Now she knows why you’re there. And close the deal. Easy cheesy.

Bythe way, what do the topics I listed above have in common?

They’re emotional. I mean you don’t have to exactly debate passion. That’d be ridiculous. It’s not factual or intellectual. It’s emotional.

And they have to do with HER. That’s exactly my point.

Instead of trying to “get” her, you’re “giving” value to her.

It’s like you’re saying, “Hey, here’s feeling good.” She can take it or leave it. You don’t care, you just wanted to spread some good feelings. Nice.

We usually think in terms of “me.” What I want. Wouldn’t you say it’s hard to bridge the gap to another person that way? Why not then think in terms of them? What they want. Imagine yourself in their shoes.

In sales, there’s something called the “Initial Benefit Statement.” It’s all about how you BENEFIT them. When you approach a prospective client, you must tell them

1. WHO YOU ARE

2. WHY YOU’RE THERE

3. WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM

Do the SAME THING when starting conversations with women.

When you

1. NEG (MAKE HER LAUGH) = WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR THEM

2. DHV (INITIATE AN INTERESTING TOPIC OF CONVERSATION) = WHO YOU ARE

3. QUALIFY (ASK ABOUT HER AFTERWARDS) = WHY YOU’RE THERE

she’s enjoying herself, because really it’s all about her. She knows who she’s talking with. Then when you state your interest in her, she knows why you’re there.

So, have an interesting topic of discussion ready before you approach a girl. Talk in terms of her. Who cares about “getting”? Just give.

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