Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Well, my little lady is now officially 5 years old. She is already saying things like "Daddy, you don't have to come sleep in my bed, I am a big girl now and I don't need you." "I can brush my own hair, I am a big girl now, mom!"

She cracks me up! But she still acts like the pain in the butt as always. Her and Kaleb are at this moment having some issues with playing a game and I am trying to let them work it out on their own- at least until I hear something that could be really bad.

So, tomorrow is my first (hahahhhaha) 29th birthday! UGH! I never thought that I would have a problem with aging. But for some reason I am having a big problem with almost being 30. Not sure where is stems from but I do know that it is awkward. I mean I have always had a problem with turning 30 because my mother, eldest sister, and eldest brother each had a nervous breakdown when they hit 30. It was not an aging issue but just mental ones I guess. It is pretty scary. I know it sounds silly but it is a fear that keeps getting closer and closer.

I am excited that this week the snow has started to melt. Don't get me wrong I love the snow, it is one of the reasons I love Ohio! But I can only take so much of it. The weather has been playing its little games with being nice and warm... then it will go back to the 30's again by the end of the week. That is not cool at all.

But, I have been also having all these dreams that I am pregnant... different stages of pregnancy too. Like one time I was 4 1/2months and feeling the babies move (i knew it was twins)... another was me just weeks into it and afraid to travel... and one other one was right at the end and huge preggers like. I have a feeling it is my subconscious being sad because I may not have anymore. I know I have three and that should be enough, but i still want more. Greedy I know.

Well, life isn't always simple or scripted out for each one of us. I would love that. Wake up in the morning to the newly written script for me to play out... I just thought I would be somewhere else by now. I guess my drive isn't what it used to be.