about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

I write because so many people have told me to write a book about my life, but I have always felt no one would believe this "stranger than fiction" life if I did write it all down. However, after my Dad died, I was continually plagued with his last requests-write your story, Cindy. God has given it to you for a reason. You can help people by showing them what God has done for you through the trials and tribulations of your life.
And so this blog...because I don't know how to write a book. I write just like I talk. So just expect stories where God has been protecting me, teaching me, molding me, refining me and that means through fire! I never know what to expect next nor should you. Seek the Lord while He may be found.

Archive for the ‘How to Be Happy’ Category

This book is going to completely change up some of your thought processes!! It came highly recommended to me by my dear “baby” sister who had had it given to her by my next to me younger sister! Of course as I have been reading it and loving it and completely blown away by the thoughts here but understanding some scriptures now for the first time-they actually really make good sense, I am wondering why she didn’t recommend the book to me too. I will have to ask. However, at least God got it to me. Thank her for reading it 3 times I understand and my baby sister for reading it and then giving it to me with the understanding that I have to give it back-some day!I may have to read this one 3 times too, to get it all down!! So with that buildup!! Ta Da!! the name of the book isGod’s Astounding Opinion OfYou.It was written by Ralph Harris. Oh, and it turns out that brother number one apparently has read it too and knows of the author.

Before I go into the book I will just throw there that I love book recommendations-especially from my family-but also from my readers, so if you’ve read something wonderful that touched you to the bottom of your toes, you write me back and tell me so. It may take me awhile get through the books, but I will.

I am not going to do a “cliff’s notes for you. But I do want to go through some things that hit me right off the top that were different from what most books are about. This book is not going to tell you “how to get better”. Surprised? Don’t be.. The premise is,, we are already better because on the day we accepted Jesus as our Savior and the Holy Spirit of God came to live inside of us, we became a new creation ourselves. And our Father always sees us as that creation and no other. That’s a big one, isn’t it? But really if you will just believe it and live it, understanding that accurate self-estimation is based entirely upon what God thinks of you, then you are truly free to go and live well because you are well. That sounds like such a conundrum, doesn’t it? I hope it makes you read the first chapter!

So you want a little more of what I am talking about? Ok take how we look at ourselves. I am now 62. I don’t look like I did at 25 or 35 or even 55. My kids think I am vain because I put make up on everyday, whether I am going out or not. I have done this since I started wearing makeup, so it really doesn’t have anything to do with age, I guess. You know when it starts? it starts when somebody tells you that you aren’t pretty enough when you are a little girl or you are special enough for this or that. I heard that I wasn’t pretty, I was cute. I didn’t know it bothered until one day in my 40’s I happened to repeat to my husband-whoops! that was a mistake! he’s my biggest fan! But that’s what I mean. I’m sure the remark wasn’t said to be hurtful-and in so many ways now as I look back I can see as an adult how easily Satan tricks us into believing lies about ourselves. I know something else that this showed me and this is for all the moms or grandmothers who might be reading this we have no idea how harmful our words can be to a child and what havoc it can play in their lives.

Has it ever struck you that God who lives inside YOU is reading what YOU are reading right now? oooooh! boy did that change some of my reading selections! I thought I had done a good job of weeding out the chaff, but when you look at it this way, it changes your perspective just a little wouldn’t you say? and next lets talk about how we see our struggles and our failures and our shortcomings-well all of you know that I am a mess and in a great need of fixing, right?? WRONG!! YES! AMAZINGLY YES!! and this is the part you have to get when we become fixated on ourselves and how we need fixing, we are not fascinated and fixated on GOD. Did you get that? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT? No? Ok, then get the book, it is wonderful!!

Oh and I have to tell you one more thing, in the 2nd chapter, the author backed right into talking to God and God talking back to him just like HE did me!! I was so excited about that! remember when I wrote ya’ll about that? And God talks about Perfect People. Remember me talking about that? ok I’ve got to stop or I would go on all night.

A very big thank you to those who wrote and welcomed me back. I appreciate it. For those that didn’t write, I could use your prayers at the least just that I can keep my eyes fixated on the Lord and not on me. That if you have prayer requests you will write and share them with me. I have a journal now so that I don’t forget anything. Know that I am very thankful for you all and anxious to re-visit your sites over the weekend and catch up.

I was listening to a sermon online tonight from Palm Sunday. I was visiting the church site to see who and what they were about as you really couldn’t tell from the name. but oh, how I got blessed by all the reading I did and then the listening I did to the sermon…

There was one big important principle: “When God speaks, He really means what He says!” Let me give you an example:

Genesis 1:1…27 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was dark and formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. God SAID let there be light, and there WAS light…And God SAID let there be an expanse between the waters to separate the water under the expanse from the water above it. AND IT WAS SO…God SAID let the water under the sky be gathered to one place and let dry ground appear. AND IT WAS SO…Then God SAID Let the land produce vegetation: seed bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their kinds. And God SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD.

Are you getting the picture here? God speaks and He really means it. Of course from there He went on to personally hang the moon and the sun and put the stars out one by one. He knows them all by name and they make music back to him. I know I blogged about that a couple of years ago (see Psalms 148) And after the sun and the moon, here comes the creatures, flying, crawling, racing, thumping, scampering, even, slithering, or just moseying along like cattle do. And finally here is the sixth day. Only He can do it justice:

God said, “Let us make man in our image in our likeness…So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Do you notice that the fact that we are created in His own image is apparently so very important that God repeated TWICE? He created us to be a reflection of Him! Of course I could get on my platform and talk about how none of us, not one of us is close to a reflection of Him. I could talk about the state of our America and a poll I saw this week that said 73% of Americans are ok with same sex marriage-this was from a very conservative pollster! But I only want to talk about what God has said to me today to write for me and for you possibly. There is so much promise is this scripture that I am excited to see what God is going to do! Because I know I can’t do it-Without Him I can do nothing at all, but these days unless He leads the way and pushes me from behind, I might not make it there. But now I know that I will. I have every confidence that I will. All because of Jesus !! So the rest of my post is from the book of Joel, a great prophet of the Lord, both for Israel then and for us now. Remember, keep watching!

Joel 2:12-13″Even now, ” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.

25-26 I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten -the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm-my great army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be shamed. Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and that there is no other; never again will my people be shamed.

28-32 And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both the men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. the sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And everyone who calls upon the Lord will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the Lord has said, among the survivors whom the Lord calls.

May I say that the first section is our chance to make everything right with the Lord right now. The second section says to me that He will restore to my life the years that the locusts have eaten-even if I was allowing it! Oh and He does mean that literally too. Israel has been attacked horendously by locusts! If THIS is happening now and the Lord says He is there and that His people won’t be shamed again–well, sounds like trumpets to me!! The third passage speaks of two times right now, because indeed we are seeing the Lord’s Spirit poured out all over the globe where people are hungry for Him; there is prophecy and I know for a fact that in particular Muslim men, the old ones dream of Jesus, the young see visions of Him. These are the Muslim men who honestly seek after God. And He says, if you seek me you will find me. And finally we have certainly seen the wonders of the heavens showering down among us and the incredible increase in volcanic activity over just the past 18 months! I do think based on some teaching I have had that the Moon and the Sun happenings do wait until the Tribulation.

This past week has been such a roller coaster week of emotions, duties, responsibilities on so many levels. I have wanted to write every day, but no time.

First, so thankful for the healing words of the Lord from my friend Calvin who assures me that the Lord has justified me and loves me and that I should follow His precepts which I have tried to do before and especially this week going forward. Sometimes, I realize I get a little zealous in my conversation from the every day to world events-last week was a biggie if you were watching Obama and Israel-to my own conversations and revelations from my Lord God and also from fellow bloggers. We don’t meet up ahead of time and all same we are going to blog on the same subject and have the same opinion but it happens over and over. And because we all are Christ followers led by the Spirit, I believe the Lord is speaking through all of us to the world, so as I said last week, Take Heed! All of us should be examining our lives to see if we can offer ourselves as living sacrifices to our Lord. And even as I say that, I am wondering if you know what I mean or what the Word means as it is written? Of course everyone knows what living is, but the dictionary defines sacrifice as the offering of something precious to deity; loss,deprivation. Ok , so I am offering my Precious self to my Lord-He says I am precious to Him. and then secondly, the loss and deprivation part: well, that’s exactly what nobody wants to do anymore. We want what we want, when we want it, how we want it; no doing without it, or waiting on it. No having it and losing it. All of this is one of His precepts for me, besides the trust factor! And guess what this is a hard one too! I am used to going and getting just what I want, when I want it. Now I am in a position where I can not do that in regards to physical possessions. But I have found that even in regards to those that I can have, I am really careful and selective now. I ask myself, what do I really need? Not just want? And I have found that as I am faithful to Him in the small things, He is so faithful to me in the BIG things. Just this week, one more time I was amazed at the overwhelming care of people for my needs that I truly had no expectation of except advice, not tangible help–but even the way that it was given, with such love and care and assurance, it alone brings you to your knees. Thank you Father!!

Second roller coaster was finding out that the gamma globulin that I get monthly for my immunity disorder does have a very rare side effect. Guess what it is? yep, you got it! Clots! And here, supposedly, I have had 2 in the first year of taking it! Of course, now the doctor can not raise my dosage either as he was going to do because I have continued to catch the bacterial infections, virus’, and mold infections that come with this immunity. so what to do? After talking and prayer, we are going to ask to be taken off of the drug. We will consult with both the MS neurologist and the immunologist who both have said this side effect is so rare, but then neither of them know me very well yet, do they? I was also supposed start testing in April for food and drug allergies because for months now I have been waking up with severe itching and hives. It started off that I could just take a couple of Benadryl tablets and go back to sleep but now I usually awaken 2 or 3 hours later and have to take more. Not good. Last night, I tried an experiment. I didn’t take anything except my Coumadin. “that’s the blood thinner I ‘ve been on since last July when I had that embolism–and yes I’ve been itching at least that long.” And sure enough, here it came, very strongly last night. so here is another one to talk to the doc about. Finding out I have sticky blood wasn’t the greatest thing either, but it certainly explained a lot of things-the multiple miscarriages and the tendancy to make clots. Lots of up and down emotional moments in the decisions, in the new knowledge, in the gratefulness for the new knowledge.

And then there was Joyful Joyce! Joyce Zahner was the 85 year old mom of my half/way adopted sister Julie. Julie is the same age as the sister who lives in Orlando and has done so much for me and with me. She and Julie were inseparable from the moment they met and their friendship has stood the test of time. And to me, Julie was a little sister and then a friend and babysitter for my two children when they were little before I married my husband. So the Zahners have been in my life, one way or another since I was 16. In the years past when we were visiting in Atlanta, we were often invited out to Julie’s house where she lives with her 2 children and great husband and very often Joyce would be there too. Over the years, Joyce began the same decline that my mother did. She had dementia. It was hard for her as she had been a very smart professional woman. But Joyce never dwelt on circumstances, she drew from within that joy that only comes from the Lord and had peace as she drifted more and more into another realm. She always had a smile on her face. She always was telling you she loved you and you knew that she meant it. And then on her 85th birthday, not long ago, God did a wonderful thing-a little extra birthday present-He gave her a day of clarity. How wonderful that was! And most of it captured on video to be visited and revisited time and time again. At the end of it all, Joyce let her family know that she knew she was going home to her Savior soon.She was tired and so she was ready. She was very careful to give her last instructions about her grandchildren to her daughter whom she loved so much-holding her face between her hands, looking her in the eye and speaking! How very, very precious is that? How amazing is our God to know that we still need our moms to tell us stuff, important stuff? And we all know that after months and years of decline with less and less moments of clarity–to be given a DAY!! Our God is such a Loving FATHER and He Knows Just What We Need.

On Saturday, March 16th at 11:45 am, Joyful Joyce went home. This past Thursday and Friday there were joyous celebrations of her life at two churches that we attended. I am very sure that Joyce was watching and laughing and smiling as we all talked of our memories of Joyce. And I am sure too that she would have loved the message of hope and salvation given by the pastors and by the family and friends through the scriptures read and the testimonies given that faith and hope and love were so important to Joyce. Of course, Joyce was warmly welcomed by so many friends in heaven, my parents among them. I am sure they are all up there telling there stories about all of us.

The glory in all of this to me is that God was so kind to me to let me experience growing up in a family that taught me faith-whether I embraced it or not immediately-I KNEW what was true. He has surrounded me throughout my life with family and friends who love me and whom I lovedearly. And now he has placed me back home to be in the middle of them. I say perfect timing, Lord! Thank you!

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know that plans I have for you , declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart.

You always know that the Lord is telling you something important and specific when all of your devotional and Bible study material come together! As you all know we are in a new place. Relearning our way around, renewing friendships, finding a new church home, and for me figuring out how I might fit in this Atlanta market have made this a challenging first month (and a few days). I’ve been asking for particular guidance and finally I think I have some answers -which are not new principles by any stretch- or any new revelation-but simply the Lord saying what He has said for generations to anyone like me who has asked the same questions- “Follow my Precepts”. Ok, then let’s look at what His Precepts might be. The dictionary says that a precept is a command or a principle intended as a general rule of action or conduct. So Biblically, God wants me to follow His commands for my conduct and my actions. How do I find out what those commands might be so that I can follow them? The only Book that God wrote is His Holy Bible and it was written to instruct us and to guide us as so many denominational statements about the Bible and their belief in the Bible were stated for the world to know what they believed. Now, let me stop right here as say I am not going to attack any denomination for what they have or have not done. This is NOT about any of THAT.

As I read the scriptures that have the word precept in them, they pull me in a whole different direction. Let me show you. I can’t write out as much scripture as I would like to but I hope you will bear with me as God is leading me as I write this and I will put in what He wants. The first scripture to mention the word precept in Psalm 19:8, but this is one of those times that if you only read the one verse, you will not get the whole meaning of the passage.

Psalm 19:7-14 The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The .precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous. They are more precious than gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from a comb. By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward. Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgressions. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer

Now can you see why it was important to have the verses around verse 8 written out too? It gives a whole different feeling and prospect to the passage. It becomes very important now. You take notice! The first thing I did was to see if indeed I have joy in my heart, light in my eyes? I have to tell you that my eyes weren’t as bright as they have been-because again I am asking and seeking. But my joy is there! and do you know why? Becausejoy is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It doesn’t depend on circumstances to be joyful-it just is. And when I let that joy go and think of all the wonderful blessings that I have and the answers to questions that I do have, well, the joy just gets bigger! Then think about the fear of the Lord. This simply means to revere Him. So often flippant language about God , the relationship or prayer, or a story will reveal a lack of reverence for His true Presence. I know I can admit it because I am forgiven those times I have been flippant. It is easy in our world today, very easy not to give Him the Utmost Reverence. Wait what does reverence really mean? Worship and adore, honor and respect; four little words that are probably the most important words in our language. I would add two more, forgiveness and acceptance. A person can live a life pleasing to the Lord and to his fellow man if he practices those six words. wow, six little words could change your world, could change my world. Worship, Adore, Honor, Respect, Forgiveness and Acceptance. Anybody up for a trial, that you would be willing to really try and live these six words just for a week? Keep track of anything different in peoples’ attitudes or your attitude in your quiet time, and then next week, let me know? And of course I will be doing it too. I can’t ask ya’ll to do something I wouldn’t do. So now it is on my calendar to tell ya’ll of my experiences as well. I just bet we’re all in for something Good!

Psalm 111:1-10 Praise the Lord. I will extol the Lord with all my heart in the council of the upright and in the assembly. Great are the works of the Lord; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Glorious and majestic are his deeds, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered. The Lord is gracious and compassionate. He provides food for those who fear him ; he remembers his covenant forever. he has shown his people the power of his works,giving them the lands of other nations. The work of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy. They are steadfast forever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness. He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant forever– holy and awesome is his name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belongs eternal praise.

I don’t know about ya’ll but I think we are onto something good here! This is real life stuff. Our Lord knew that we were concerned about paying the bills, our home, our clothing, our children, even education–because He addressed every issue in His Word. We are living in perilous times, certainly what I believe as so many other Bible believing Christians do, the last days. Ours is the first generation that could spread the gospel literally to every part of the world. Our Lord said when that was done, to look for Him, because He was coming when that was done. The Prophets wrote of signs in the heavens and signs in the earth. I would say that we certainly have had an up tick of those events–all the more reason to try our little experiment. I look forward to hearing from each one of you. May the Lord God bless you for your efforts.

Today I went back on my remicaid and of course it wasn’t a moment too soon. The Lord had been so good to me these last 3 months almost being off of the methotrexate and the remicaid and still not hurting as He promised! and now that I am healed of the bacteria C , it was simply time for me to go back on the medicines and my body told me so in no uncertain terms last night. So this morning I was really ready. My doctor came in and checked me and reassured himself e did not have any infections currently-but did remind me if I have a bad one come back and I have to stop again, he would want to change medications. Normally my procedures are 2 hours; this time it was 4 , they let it go in so slowly, but I did well and I am better but will not be pain free until the next one in 6 weeks.

I do ask for prayer for tomorrow though. I see a new neurologist after my comedy of errors last week. I sincerely hope he can figure things out, take me seriously and between us decide on a course of treatment and any needed testing…

It will be a long day just as today as been and I don’t have my strength back yet. Still I continue to love how our Lord brings people into my life to talk to everyday-to encourage or witness to, or just care for. Now I have a new one. her name is Sheila. Pray that I can find her steady transportation from Brooksville to Lutz every Thurs am thru May whenever the kids are out of school. She’s never been in such as study! and would love it, I am sure.