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How do I Become Polygamous? Q&A

I have been reading your blog for some time. I understand your anger and pain and I can also understand the way you want to get back at what you believe hurt you.

I am a brother in islam. I have never seen the people who use religion to hurt others the way you describe it. To me, it’s simply about people trying to live life right, because of Allah and because of eachother.

I want to be polygamous. I want to try and do it right. I feel it is my test, I have been called to it and I’ve felt that since I was younger. I want to ask you now: How do I best do this to make things as easy as possible for my wife and children. You say you believe in polygamy and you have gone through this, so how do I do it in a good way. How do I become a good husband to my wife, while becoming polygamous?

I can say also that my wife has always said she believes polygamy is a good and permitted way to live. I have not mentioned to her yet that it might be our way. How do I do it? How do I bring about polygamy without being abusive as you see it? I have not found a second wife yet I could add. I am looking forward to a reply.

Answer: There is no way you can become polygamous without hurting your wife and your children. There is no way you can broach the subject without causing your wife and your marriage irreversible harm. That’s the first thing you must understand.

If you still want to do it – ask for it as a gift. Don’t claim it as your right!!

Be a humble supplicant to your wife, be ready to grant her anything she wishes for in return – even if it is her freedom. You may have to give up on both her and your children, because if she finds your question disgusting and criminal, she may run and take the kids and you must let her – it’s the price you pay! Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time… If she says no – let it go and don’t ever mention it again. You chose her in the first place – live with it.

You should mention that you will understand it and respect it if she chooses to give the time you give up to some other man. This is an alien view to you as a muslim, I know, but if you really want to treat your wife as a fellow human being you must grant her the same rights you claim for yourself. I’m sorry, there’s no avoiding it. If you can’t stomach this – let go of the polygamy idea. Don’t do to another what you would not have done to yourself.

If you do this, you and your wife can help the children together. And you must make sure you can live in a way that allows you and your wife to keep on being full time parents to your children. You can never let your children pay the price for your sexlife!! Polygamy must never be lived at the expense of your children. You must make your second wife aware that your children have a right to you – all the time, whenever. That’s the deal.