Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing.
There
is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow
people
to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And
a time to
prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.

Gloria Naylor

Today's
Meditation:

Sometimes
it's awkward being silent when a friend is talking.
After all, most people live in societies in which silence
is not a valued trait of a friend. After all,
friends share--thoughts, ideas, feelings, fears. We
share our reactions and our pain and our dreams, and the
only way to do that really is through speech, isn't it?

Sometimes
we also like to give advice. We tell ourselves that
it's because we're friends, but the bottom line is that
all advice is at the very, very bottom an attempt to
control another person's actions in the hope that the
person will have a positive experience as the result of
our advice.

But
one of the best things we can do for an alcoholic friend
often is to let that person hit rock bottom.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for a friend who is
hurting is simply to listen, without offering any advice
at all. We usually can't pull another person out of
a depression, but we can be there to listen when that
friend needs to work things out aloud. We can't fix
a friend's marriage, but if we're quiet that friend may be
able to come up with a course of action on his or her own
just by putting into words the feelings or fears that he
or she is experiencing.

We'll
be there for our friends, but being there for them doesn't
necessarily mean fixing their problems for them.
Sometimes being there is simply being there, without
advice, without any suggestions. It's difficult to
do, but it can be one of the most important skills we can
develop.

Questions to
consider:

When is it best to stay silent? Is it easy to do
so?

Why do so few societies value silence? How does
that lack of value affect us as individuals?

What kinds of opportunities do you have to practice
silence? Do you take advantage of those
opportunities?

For further
thought:

The
world would be happier if people had the same
capacity to be silent that they have to speak.

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