2. Day 11: The Ensuing Quiet

How do I extend love to depression if it is someone else experiencing depression? I fear it and hate it is because of what I see it do to people: it is isolating, it is debilitating, numbing, withdrawing, saddening, dampening and de-energizing. It seems to cut people off, not only from who they are but cuts them off from relating to themselves as well as others.

I think what frustrates me is the seeming lack of caring for self or others. No curiosity and no interest appear to be present. I guess I must think it could be cured/healed with a change of mind. Would I /do I feel the same with a brain tumor or cancer or even severe indigestion? I guess I am unearthing my own feelings of anger, annoyance, and frustration with whatever depression is and never feeling able to help or impact, heal or make a difference in someone I love.

Me: Why is this? What the heck is depression any way?

HS: Depression is a microcosm of what it looks like to forget you are indeed the child of God, created with the inherent power of love within you. You were created in love, by love, for love, with love, TO LOVE.

In depression the circle of awareness of love is very small—love is denied often even to self, especially to self.

Without awareness of love and loving the very real question of “What’s the point of living anyway?” comes to wake you up. These questions are designed to be alarm clocks:

“What’s the point?”

What’s the point?

“What’s the point of living?”

When you hear yourself asking these questions know immediately you are dampening your own energy field. This question literally drains you of energy. The more you ask or state: “What’s the point?”, “I don’t really care.” Or “Whatever…..” you are commanding your energy to stand still or dissipate its force. This may seem extreme but this is so that in the ensuing quiet you will have the opportunity should you desire to take it, to notice your own self.

Notice your body and how it feels; is it clammy, hot, itchy, solid, buzzing, achy or heavy? Is your stomach rumbling? Do your eyes water? Is there a sharp, heavy stone in your chest?

Allow your self to notice what thoughts seem to be present; name them if you can: “I feel tired”, “I’m exhausted”, “I don’t care”, and “This is too hard”.

Now let those thoughts sit quietly in your presence—let them know their work is done for the moment and they can take a few minutes rest.

What does YOUR presence feel like?

Now notice you have your presence and awareness AND your thoughts are sitting quietly for the moment. You can summon them any time you wish, don’t worry, we are not about to banish, punish or erase your thoughts, they mean you no harm.

What does your own presence feel like?

What does your own awareness feel like?

Me: It feels open. The thought of POSSIBILITY floats up filled with promise. In this moment, right here, there is nothing I need. Interestingly, here, in this moment I feel cared for; like something, some ONE cares for me deeply and eternally. My heartbeat feels slower, with more space between beats. My breath is deeper and softer. I feel peace. I feel like I could stay here……………………….forever.