all images and stories are the property of Catherine Beerda-Basso and are not to be used without given permission...thank you

Friday, 1 February 2013

a little something...my family part three

(Nate holding his new little brother Aiden 2003)

I want to tell you that time became the
greatest gift of all. Time allowed us to ebb and flow, growing,
shifting and shaping to our new normal, our new family. One
particular time that stands out for me was a time when John was late
in picking Nathen up. I was feeling inconvenienced because I had to
drive to a meeting location so I was already annoyed, and then he was
late on top of it! Of course I held the anger inside, as Nathen was
there, and our exchange was pleasant, and John did apologize for
being late. But I drove away angry, like spitting nails angry. Oh the
things that were rattling around in my head were not so nice. Then my
Spirit quietly asked me why I was so angry with John. She softly
pointed out to me that I was so easily angered by what he did and I
never really gave him a chance. She told me that I was still holding
on to things from the past and as long as I did that he would never
be able to be redeemed in my eyes. She told me clearly that as long
as I continued to carry this anger, we would never have a chance to
move forward.

That was hard to take, but the words
couldn't have been truer. We all let each other down now and again. I
had to look at it as if it was someone else being late and how would
I react. I looked at my reaction and I saw that I wasn't being fair
or just in anyway. If it had been Steve, my husband, I may have said
something, but let it go. It certainly would not have progressed to a
place of spitting nails anger. It was another big learning lesson for
me that allowed a release to happen in our growing relationship.

(Thanksgiving Breakfast 2010)

Eventually John and Danika moved into
our suburb and in fact moved just blocks away form us. This allowed
us to spend a lot more time with each other. We started by focusing
on having family dinners once a week. Sometimes it wasn't feasible
due to scheduling but we did our best. We started doing more family
activities together as well, attending Nathen's events together and
they even came to some of our younger son, Aiden's events. As we did
more and more things together our family began to solidify. Even for
our friends around us, people started to get used to all of us as a
package deal. Steve and my friend's kids even started calling John
John-Dad, the name we use to refer to him.

Both Nathen and Aiden have come to us
with very interesting questions over the past few years.

Nathen once asked,

“If Steve is my step-dad does that
mean John-Dad is Aiden's step-dad?”

Aiden just asked me the other day,

“Is John-Dad my uncle?”

I responded to him with a smile,

“No.”

He then asked,

“Then why do you say that he is our
family.”

I explained to him,

“ Family is more than just blood or
marriage. Because John-Dad is Nates dad that makes him a part of our
family. And because you are Nates brother that makes you a part of
John-Dad and Danika's family. So put us all together we are one big
family!”

He totally got it. To him, he knows
nothing else. His favourite place to stay when Steve and I take some
alone time is with John and Danika. Yes, it is true. My ex and his
wife take care of my husband and my son for us when we go away. It is
crazy, we all acknowledge that, but it is also such a blessing! When
I asked Nathen about how he felt about his family he said to me,

“In comparison to what?”

Like Aiden, for Nathen this is the way
it is. He knows nothing else. Though when he is in trouble, I have
heard him say that he wishes we didn't all get along so well. I can
empathize as I am sure having 4 parents, that work together, can be a
little annoying as a teenager!

Christmas 2010

Nathen just turned 19 years old in
January. If there is one thing that I can feel really proud of as a
mom, it is my healed relationship with my son's father, and the
genuine love I feel for both John and Danika. Never could I have
imagined life as it is now. Never could I have imagined the full
family that I have been given. To me, bigger forces are working here.
We are really there for each other, walking it out together. It is
now no longer just about Nathen, it has become about Aiden too. It
has become about all of us, as one family unit. There are many thing
that are different about the way we live our lives, we don't see eye
to eye on everything, but the one thing remains the same, we are
family.

points of view from the others:

Steve: Well, at first I was doing it
for Nathen. But then after a while it started to be about all of us.

Now there is a friendship, a
relationship. Besides John would be lost without me.

Christmas 2012

John: Well, to me it is just common
sense. Either you learn to get along, and everyone is happy or you
don't get along and everyone is miserable. Doing it this way is so
much better, it's really good! And besides Steve would be lost
without me.

Danika: Our
family is certainly unique. We do have separate lives but they
intertwine, and we create love and support. We collaborate with
each other, bounce around our thoughts, sound warnings, and celebrate
together. This family gives us roots, it feeds us, and gives
back... really nice when you consider the alternative!

We truly think we are a family worth celebrating.

I wanted to share this to be real and honest about the road we have traveled

Just beautiful, Cat! Great story...great family. I especially love "Loving Large", that what it takes for any family. People are not perfect, and it is important to remember that. Sometimes it seems easier to forgive those not related to us than to forgive our own family. I know I have struggled in this area myself, (wait, I have struggled with forgiving anyone who ever hurt me. I'm working on it...and doing better.) I'm learning that NOT forgiving puts us behind bars, not the person we are not forgiving.

You truly have a beautiful and awesome family.

And, I am so happy to see there are others who cook in iron skillets. :) I LOVE my iron skillets.

I loved reading your whole story. Brilliantly honest and uplifting. Such A wonderful thing to have come to a point where you could let go and allow change and love to come about. We get so lost in our minds, we forget that our words and actions affect others. You have a beautiful family, Cat. Thank you for telling us your story :). xo

Going Deeper...

A Little about Me...

Mother to The Young Blood and Nuclear Banana* Friend to an exceptional husband*Creator's Child* Medicine Woman*Spiritual Feminist*Holder of Sacred Space*Freedom Warrior*Wild Woman*Dissident Daughter*Soul Fire Messenger*Story-Teller*Keeper of the Staff and Lantern, Knower that what we do here matters...

ReWilding Retreats...the place for rebirth

Soul Quest Workshops and Retreats

The Photo Shop

quotes that resonate...

"The world will know and understand me someday. but if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women." ~George Sands

"I have a new command for you. As I have loved you, so you must love others. "~Jesus

"You don't have a soul. You are a Soul...you have a heart." ~C.S. Lewis

"Humankind has not woven the web of Life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. all things are bound together. all things connected." ~Chief Seattle, 1854

If ever there comes a time when the women of the world come together purely and simply for the benefit of mankind, it will be a force such as the world has never known."~ Matthew Arnold

“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.”~ Buddha

"The world will be saved by the Western woman....Some people will call me a feminist...but we need more effort to promote basic human values-human compassion, human affection. And in that respect, females have more sensitivity for others' pain and suffering." ~Dalai Lama

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." ~Anatole France

Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a feild. I'll meet you there. ~Rumi

"Those who seem to know more truth than you simply reflect the part of you that has forgotten. They are your touchstones to remember." ~Alan Cohen

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another;unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, resent, and the future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." ~Anais Nin

"Process is more important than outcome. when the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we've already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we're going, but we will know we want to be there." ~ Bruce Mau

“An anthropologist proposed a game to children in an African tribe. He put a basket full of fruit near a tree and told the children that whoever got there first won the sweet fruits. When he told them to run, they all took each others hands and ran together, then sat together enjoying their treats. When he asked them why they had run like that when one could have had all the fruits for himself, they said, ‘UBUNTU, how can one of us be happy if all the other ones are sad?’ (‘UBUNTU’ in the Xhosa culture means: ‘I am because we are.)” Credit: +Sara Del Valle

All images featured here on "Love and Light" are the property of Our Perspective Photography and are not to be used without authorization. If you are interested in purchasing a print contact us at catscorner@telus.net