Ex Boyfriend

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Sex with an ex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Victor* is a tall, white, country club BOY. I’m emphasizing boy, because I don’t see him as a man. I met Victor at a housewarming party in mid September 2013, and we only exchanged a few words. I add everyone I meet on Facebook, so I added Victor the next day. We messaged for a few days, then he asked for my number. We texted for a few weeks but couldn’t actually meet up since our schedules conflicted. We were able to meet up mid October, and it was the most magical night of my life. We met at a cafe around 8pm and stayed out until 6am. We clicked immediately and felt as if we’d known one another for years. I thought Victor was incredibly handsome (6’2″, toned, light brown hair, dressed in a button down shirt), and very intelligent and funny. I felt an immediate, very intense attraction to him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We hooked up for the first time the night after our first date. Victor was not able to maintain an erection for the first month we were hooking up because he was nervous around me (or so he said). We dated from October to April, and we were inseparable. It was the most intense feeling of connection and desire either of us had every felt. While very, very passionate, it was a turbulent relationship, and Victor broke up with me for 10 days in January, then again for good in April. 3 weeks after breaking up in April, we decided to still see each other, but only for sex. We made a deal to not have sex with anyone else while we were seeing each other. We are still doing this.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The sex is mainly vaginal. Neither one of us is interested in anal sex, and I am very sensitive to oral stimulation of any kind (textures, taste, etc.) so barely any oral sex. I love having sex with Victor, and do not feel comfortable with anyone else. As for Victor, either he is lying, or he has not had an interest in having sex with anyone other than me. When we are together face to face, we are very close, but have no contact with one another otherwise. I wish we did, because I still love him and want to get back together very much. The sex we have is very good, it feels as though our bodies are compatible. Victor ended our “relationship” multiple times, but hasn’t lasted more than 3 weeks without seeing me.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? Victor always has an orgasm. It’s been nearly 1.5 years together, and I have yet to orgasm.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I have been taking birth control pills for a genetic hormonal imbalance since I was 15, and Victor rarely uses a condom at the very end to make it easier on me cleanup-wise. We both get tested for STis annually.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? In the beginning, we had sex because we were dating and very much in “love.” Now we are having sex because the sex is too good to give up. On my part, I love seeing Victor and sleeping in the same bed as him and just being in his presence. According to what Victor says, he hooks up with me because he doesn’t have a chance to meet girls because he graduated from college and doesn’t go to parties where he can meet new girls. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Victor still wants to be with me but is convincing himself otherwise, because I’m pretty sure an attractive 22 year old investment banker would have absolutely no trouble finding a girl to date or hookup with.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? He is usually drunk when he comes over.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Victor has said a few times that he feels bad about himself when he leaves the next morning, and having sex with and sleeping over at his ex girlfriend’s house is not what he wants for himself. Despite his allegations, he always ends up back in my bed. I want very much to get back together because I still love him. I know him so well and he knows me, and I feel so comfortable with him. I can only pray he’d want to get back together someday.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my best friend knows. She tells me I need to get my act together. She also says that Victor needs to figure out what he wants, because it’s very unhealthy to be playing me like this.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes; consensual for both parties.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? NO!

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was that Victor is so familiar, and makes me feel so comfortable. I also feel so happy when I see Victor, and I don’t want anyone else.
This hookup honestly makes me feel as though I have attachment issues and separation problems.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative