We already knew Justin Bieber was a tool, but this shocking new footage proves our worst fears to be true —he’s actually a soulless hand puppet of the all-powerful elite. That’s right, the illuminati.

Programmed to distract us from what’s really going on, Bieber has been instructed to employ his devilishly good Canadian manchild looks and run amok of society. We’ve predictably played our part, doting on his tiny chiseled face and waiting with bated breath for him to go into full celebrity meltdown mode. You know, the stuff we crave.

But no more! Feast your eyes on his true cyborg self and break the curse.