4 steps to real Seduction

WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING and attracting women, many men are resigned and complacent. We figure some guys were born with that particular power and other guys weren't. I wasn't. So, to compensate, I did something so embarrassing, I didn't even admit it to my friends: I embarked on a two-year course of rigorous study and training on the subject of women for my new book, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists . Guided by men who claimed to be the world's greatest seducers (men known by names such as Mystery, Toecutter, Sin, and Juggler), I plunged into an international under-ground seduction community and approached more than a thousand women around the world. In the end, I was transformed from student of seduction to reluctant guru. I offer you now something I never thought I'd be able to provide: a step-by-step primer on attracting women, compiled from the collective knowledge of the world's greatest ladies' men.

STEP 1: APPROACH

This is the scariest step. You're going to fail before you succeed. And the failure will come because you broke at least one of these rules.

Seven Rules for Approaching Women

1. Don't wait until she's alone to approach her. Even if she likes you, her friends will soon drag her away.2. Don't stare at her for more than three seconds before approaching.3. Don't be afraid to approach her just because there are men in the group. Often, you'll discover that she's with family, friends, or coworkers.4. Never open a conversation by apologizing. Phrases like "Excuse me," "Pardon me," and "I'm sorry, but" make you sound like a beggar.5. Don't hit on her or give her a generic compliment. Instead, start a conversation with an entertaining anecdote or question, such as asking her for an eighties pop duo to name a pair of dogs after ("Ashford & Simpson?"). Everyone likes to give their opinion.6. Never, ever buy her a drink. Attention should be free.7. Don't focus only on her when she's with other people. If you win over her friends, you'll win her.

One of the first times I approached a woman, I broke the first rule. A few minutes into the conversation, her refrigerator-sized husband came up to me and, breathing whiskey and onion rings into my face, threatened to snap me in two.

STEP 2: RAISE YOUR STATUS

In order to make it appear as if she is chasing you rather than the other way around, you sometimes have to act as if you are not interested in her-with a backhanded compliment. The goal is to tease, not insult. Mystery, perhaps the most effective pickup artist I met, calls this a neg.

Four Negs

1. "Wow, your palms are sweaty."2. "I like that skirt. Those are really popular these days."3. "Gum? No, really. You should."4. "You don't get out that often, do you?"The first time I negged a woman-at an Office Depot near UCLA-my hands were shaking as I told her that her teeth reminded me of Bugs Bunny. I was prepared for a slap, but instead, five minutes later, I walked away with her phone number and e-mail address. When I went home and Googled her, I discovered that the woman I thought was a UCLA student was actually the Playmate of the Year.

STEP 3: CREATE AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION

This is probably the most enjoyable part of an approach. The hard work is over, and now it's time to really get to know a person. One pickup artist, Toecutter, suggests these truisms often used by sham psychics.

Four Truisms

1. "You were born with unconditional love, but that unconditional love was found to have conditions."2. "At some point in your life, you had an experience in which you were asked to become an adult before you were ready, and it was difficult."3. "You are smarter than you let on. In certain situations, you know exactly what to say, but you don't say it. Then you kick yourself later for not saying it."4. "Sometimes you lock yourself up and try to act cool, and you tend not to let people into your life."

To train for this, I actually walked up and down Venice Beach buying five-dollar sessions with all the palm and tarot-card readers to find out their cold-reading techniques. Two years later, I know that if this writing thing doesn't work out for me, I could set up a table on Venice Beach and offer killer psychic readings.

STEP 4: MAKE A PHYSICAL CONNECTION

Never ask a woman if you may kiss her. Instead, learn to read body language. Here are five subtle signals-known in the pickup-artist community as IOIs (or indicators of interest)-that let you know when a woman is attracted to you. But be forewarned: Just because a woman is giving you IOIs, it doesn't necessarily mean she's ready to sleep with you. According to Mystery, playing a solid game means sharing at least seven hours of time with her-whether over the course of one night or several days-before having sex. (Sleeping with her in less than seven hours is known as fool's mate: You got lucky.)

Five Indicators of Interest

1. She asks you, without prompting, what your name is and what you do for a living shortly after meeting you.2. She changes her opinion about a song or movie based on your own opinion of it.3. You lean back and she leans toward you.4. You take her hand and she squeezes yours.5. She says, "I'm not sleeping with you" before you've asked her to.

The purpose of the IOI is to make up for a man's lack of intuition. For the longest time, I followed Mystery's formula, which was to wait for three IOIs and then ask, "Would you like to kiss me?" After this happened enough, I learned to read everything I needed to know from the way a woman looked at me when we were talking. Instead of counting IOIs, I waited for what the pickup artists call the DDB: the "doggy dinner bowl" look. The first time I thought I spotted a DDB, however, it turned out the woman was drunk. She stayed at my house that night and passed out on the floor while I slept in bed alone. So no matter how much you learn, there is no foolproof plan. Every situation-and every person-is different.