Should we trust commitment-mad men?

by SHARON BEXLEY, femail.co.uk

So Chris Evans and Billie Piper have done it: within five months of meeting, they've walked up the aisle at a Las Vegas wedding chapel, confounding all the doubters who scorned the relationship as little more than a publicity stunt.

Now the question everyone's asking is: can it last? Because this marriage highlights that interesting phenomenon: a man who seems keen to fall over himself to commit, who's not afraid to gush about being in love, even when his relationships are just days old.

For some reason, we don't bat an eyelid when a woman announces: 'This is it, it's true love!' when she's only just started seeing someone new.

Ok, we might not think it wise for her to move in with him, or start haunting wedding dress shops, but if she says it's the real thing, we're not overly suspicious. We don't start implying that she must have an ulterior motive.

Different expectations

Yet when a man behaves in a similar fashion, why does it make us feel so uneasy? Could it be that we're so used to commitment-phobic men that we can't actually handle it when they claim to be quite the opposite?

Our sex therapist and relationship counsellor Julia Cole says that we have different expectations of how much commitment men and women should bring to a relationship.

'We do seem to find it more acceptable when women claim to fall in love quickly,' she says.

'The idea that a man might do the same can make us feel uncomfortable.

'This is quite unfair when there are many men who want the trappings of security, like marriage, and are keen to find one woman to stay with for the rest of their life.'

More affairs

However, adds Julia, men are more likely to have affairs, 'which indicates that they do tend to fall in love more passionately, but don't have the same staying power as women. Consequently, because women know men are more likely to stray, many are suspicious when a man claims he's in love when they've only just met.'

In Chris Evans' case, the relationship with Billie certainly looked unreal at first. More experienced women might feel a little suspicious if presented with a £105,000 Ferrari as a gift after just a week with a new man; but this was doubtless wildly impressive to the 18 year old pop pixie, who apparently reacted with bemused delight.

And it's not as if this was the first time Chris was very publicly head over heels - and it all came to nothing. An announcement that he and Geri Halliwell were 'in love' - and possibly engaged - in November 1999 was followed just a week later by the news that their 'relationship' was over.

Staying power

Other Evans dalliances with equally high-profile women have followed a similar pattern: very public passion at the start, then, just as quickly, it's all off.

Compared with this track record, the Chris-Billie alliance has demonstrated a remarkable staying power. And now they've dashed up the aisle in a hush-hush ceremony attended by only a few friends, apparently in such a rush that they didn't even exchange rings.

It's probably just as well not to dwell on the fact that the chapel they chose - The Little Church of the West - is as renowned for the number of celebrity divorces as it is for its weddings.

More immediately, teenage fickleness being what it is, would any of us be very surprised if Billie soon found someone else to fall in love with? After all, at 18 you're convinced you've found your soulmate with every new relationship that comes along. And the reality of life-long commitment might come as just too much of a shock.

Millionaire and charismatic personality he may well be, but Chris Evans can't have failed to realise that nailing his colours to the mast for such a young partner brings with it undeniable risks. Could he in future find himself facing the humiliation of being rejected for a younger, handsomer model?

Seeking adoration

Julia Cole thinks that it actually tends to be the woman in such relationships who's at greater risk of being replaced. 'Men who are desperately keen to commit tend to be serial romantics, needing a succession of highly passionate relationships.

'They have often had a very close relationship with their mother, or an early girlfriend, and tend to choose much younger women who will give them the kind of unconditional adoration they had from this 'ideal' woman. The problem with this is, that as their younger partner gets more experienced and confident, these men often don't like it and may well look around for a replacement.'

So, on balance, are we right to be suspicious of a man who talks about wedding bells just weeks after we've met him? Without a doubt, says Julia. 'When a man wants to get involved quickly, he's trying to do the impossible. You can't possibly know each other sufficiently in days or weeks to have enough to build a relationship.

'Find out about his previous relationships. Has this sort of behaviour been a pattern? If so, be wary. Fast-moving relationships can be heady and fun, so enjoy the ride by all means...but don't commit.'

Clearly, Billie and Chris feel they've learned all they need to know about each other in the short time they've been together. And you'd have to be a real old curmudgeon to deny that they do seem deliriously happy. Only time will tell if this is one hasty commitment that has what it takes to last.