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11/21/2008

BFF

WARNING: BITS OF TMI (Too Much Information)

I think everyone is aware what BFF means in this day and age, but for those that may not, it stands for Best Friend Forever.

Last night when I got home from work, I headed straight for the restroom (as I do every evening when I get home) and my 3 children immediately followed close behind (as they do every evening when I get home). I don’t think I have had many alone times in the restroom since I became a mom. The bathroom seems to be one of the favorite places my children like to hang out and talk to me in (I have a dear friend that can relate, as this was one of the places she spent time talking to her mother in as well ;->), the kitchen is a close second.

Anyway, we got to talking and I was sharing with them a bit of my prayer time during my drive home and then I asked them if they saw God as loving, nurturing, and caring or as a king on a throne spewing out orders, rules, laws, judgments, and condemning people to hell.Two of them said the king on the throne and one said something slightly close to loving and nurturing. My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I sat there and could completely relate and understand what they meant.

I’m grasping for straws as I sit there and I’m thinking, how can I explain this to them so that they can grasp it and comprehend what I so desperately want to convey? And I mumble a prayer, Lord help me.

The words spill forth. I first ask them if they can imagine God as a mother and they all say no. Then I said, picture a mom nursing her baby and as she is nursing she rubs his cheek and hair. She talks to him and sings to him. She holds his fingers or hand and cuddles him close to her. She gives him all of her attention and can only focus on him at this moment. She cherishes this and wouldn’t mind if it went on for some time. This is what God wants to do with each of His children. The only way He can do that is if we take the time to get to know Him and become His friend.Akyra is a lot like me and it’s hard for her to make friends. Ari is the social butterfly and Adrian does ok. So I said Akyra, have you ever cried because you wanted a best friend so badly? It seemed that everyone but you had a best friend. Yes, was her reply. I said, imagine God sitting there crying because He gave His only Son for you and now He just wants to have a relationship with you but you don’t give Him the time of day. Then I had to back up. I said do either of you realize that if just one of you were the only person on earth Jesus would have still died for you? They all said no. If YOU were the only person on this earth, God would have still given His Son for you and Jesus would have still paid the price just for YOU and YOU alone. This was the concept I too had trouble grasping at first. But when I finally GOT IT, I could understand a portion of His love for me. When you hear God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…that seems like something totally different and foreign. But when you hear God so loved (your name), that He gave His only Son…that makes it more intimate and personal. Anyway, they still are wrapping their brain around that one, but I go on.

God wants to be your best friend. The one you tell everything too, every day. He cries when you cry, He hurts when you hurt; He’s elated when you are happy, etc, etc. You all are searching for something I have searched for all my life and I had it all along and continued to overlook it daily or push it aside for a weak substitute.

Now I have 2 best friends in this world and I have a hand full of my dearest, dearest, friends; all of which are family to me. But I remember telling stories and T-A-L-LTales in school just hoping someone would like me and be my friend. Then I would get a friend and got angry if they claimed to be someone else’s friend. (childish I know)And all the time God was standing by waiting patiently to be that BFF. I pushed Him aside time and time again, and yet He continued to wait. Now, as I am emerging with some understanding and clarity, I see my BFF was there all along.

Then they say God must be mean because He lets bad things happen to good people. I explain how God is not a dictator but a loving God that gave each of us freedom to make our own choices. I said now, when you make a choice that hurts me or one of your siblings, do you think God is bad then? No, they said. God allows us to make choices and sometimes those choices hurt others or Him, but He still lets us make the choice. But even when we make that choice, He is not far from us and waits for us to return to Him.

So the conversation continues like this for a while and there are teary eyes and then there is mama on the toilet just flat out crying. Then I just feel the presence of the Lord in the room with us and I begin to pray. I began to pray earnestly for my children and their father and a few other people, as God began to show me how they too were substituting people or things for that relationship that can only be completed in, with, and through Christ. I believe chains were broken last night and some heart healing is beginning to take place. We are in the place God wants us to be.

On another note, God has laid upon my heart to read the autobiography of George Mueller. He opened orphanages and didn’t ask for anything, but received everything by praying and allowing God to be the Master Orchestrator of seeing the needs met through others. Mind you, when Joseph first left, for the first year this is exactly what I did. I did not work, but prayed earnestly about everything and my bills were paid for a year. Ironically, it was after I started working and stopped praying so fervently that our lights were disconnected for a little over a month. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm