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The Preacher's Gifts

A well-liked preacher is explaining to his flock that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

A hush comes over the congregation --- no one wanted him to leave. Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city, stands up and proclaims, 'If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!' The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, 'If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!' More sighs and more applause.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!'

There is a stunned silence. The preacher, blushing uncomfortably behind the pulpit, asks, 'Sister Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Sadie's 90-year-old husband, Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, 'Well, Preacher, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said,... 'Screw him!'