Undercover songwriter with a potty mouth

The fact that I adopted a puppy might have sounded ironic to those of you who know me well, because I have always been a bit afraid of dogs.

I seem to attract the more aggressive ones, the ones that nip, bark and lunge (similar to the way I attract the weirdos on the bus or the sociopaths on the walk home). As such, I've always been very cautious around large dogs that can overpower me.

I've let go of that fear recently, because Morty has taught me the basics of what makes a dog tick. I'm a lot more at ease around dogs, or at least, I don't cross the street to avoid them.

For that reason, I didn't think twice when I went with Morty to the dog park yesterday. I would keep him on leash, let him meet some other doggies, and then go home.

You can imagine my panic when, after ten minutes of casual socializing with the dogs and their humans, Morty and I both got swarmed by five very large dogs, and we were both bitten. I literally had a big chocolate lab hanging off my arm at one point, and had to yell for help before any of the owners did a fucking thing.

So I'm back to square one, not willing to take Morty back there without my BH and maybe a panther to keep away aggressive asshole dogs. And I'm sorry, but if you know your dog has some behavioural problems, don't be a piece of shit and take them off leash around other people and their pets. If your dog attacks people or animals for kicks, take them off leash in your own backyard or in the countryside. Don't take the chance that they might grab some girl by the arm and try to gnaw off her puppy's leg. Got that, fuckface dog owner?

I was so surprised by the whole thing that I pretty much scooped up a traumatized Morty, speed walked out of the park, and shook the whole way home. The finger that the dog bit actually still aches today, although my arm is feeling fine now. Morty was bleeding, and I felt like the worst dog mommy in the world. I changed into pajamas and watched Dodgeball with Morty until my BH came home and cuddled us better. We let Morty sleep in our bed last night; a rare event that pleases him greatly because he somehow manages to spoon us both at the same time.

Now I'm trying to think of something cheerful to tell you all. Can't very well end on a bleeding puppy note, can I?

Well, I'm going to see my financial planner tonight. I loves me some financial planning. I am doing some anticipatory calculations just for fun.

That's AWFUL. Which dog park were you at? There's a nice one at Rochester and Primrose, which isn't far from your place and which has nice dogs and nice dog people and they're good at re-training the asshole dog owners.

J: The dog owner didn't do much... I think he asked if I was okay, but no apology that I heard. Yeah, I would take cute puppy nibbles any day over a giant lab who likes to eat people's arms.

Zoom: I was at McSomething on Gladstone. We've taken Morty there before to run around when it was empty, but I guess we'll have to avoid it when the Asshole Squad are out. I have been to that other park once, and I imagine I'll stick to it if the people/dogs are nicer.

I had a Lab for over 14 years and I never wanted to go to a dog park for that reason - that other people don't have the same rules as I did for my dog. I don't think she suffered from not being allowed to run amok with other dogs. But that said, lately I have been watching "The Dog Whisperer" with Cesar Millan and that guy is a genius about dogs. I have learned so much about how to act around dogs, and I thought I knew a lot while I had my dog. When I do get another dog (sometime, I'm not ready yet), I will use everything I learned from Cesar's shows to be a true pack leader. Then maybe I might go to a dog park. You can check his show out on National Geographic channel (85 on Rogers) or here. No, I have no stock in the company. :)