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Local authorities were shocked to discover that a pile of ancient human remains found in a shelf of ice and recovered today belong to an early human believed to have died while on hold to Centrelink, a call that remains on hold to this very day.
Those investigating the incident have claimed that they were surprised by the discovery:
“We knew wait times were bad,” one insider told The Backburner. “But this fella has been frozen for hundreds of years. Frankly, even if he has his debts sorted out his phone bill is going to be an absolute mess.

Centrelink has confirmed that they may release client's personal information in order to correct public statement of complaints, and this has comedian Bish Marzook worried. What if they tell a journalist she ate tomato sauce sandwiches to survive getting through university?

A woman has received a debt recovery letter from Centrelink telling her she's been overpaid and had to return the money.
But rather than a massive bill, the government agency was chasing Kerry King from Rowville, Victoria, for two cents.
So she paid up - by sending Centrelink a two cent coin.

Centrelink's joint data-matching program with the ATO has so far done a wonderful job, if the area it was designed to perform in was falsely accusing people of accruing massive debts some time in the last decade. Just in case that's not clear: it was not designed to do that (as far as we're aware), and is, in fact, horrible.