Ride with Ed Shepp in his tampon gondola down the mucus brainwash of tomorrow.

Friday, October 20, 2006

RE: LSAT

But like I said, I'm not sure if this going to law school is the best thing for you now. I mean, what about the pig farm you've been talking about for so long? Is that kaput? You have one piece of bacon and then you're like, "I want to live the good life and eat bacon at nice restaurants and go to conferences where the liquor and hos flow freely." I'm just not sold that you've really thought it out. It's like the time when you wanted to move to New Hampshire because you thought that there you'd be considered a "vocalist." Remember how that turned out? So what do you think?

That's how I start my emails these days. That and "What happened?" I like to pretend that I'm finishing up a conversation with someone else and just perchancé emailed the wrong person. I know, you're all like, "What happened to Hello, How are you?" Yeah, what happened to that? I think it went the way of "Let's hang out." That is, right down the poop pipes. Interestingly, no one has ever responded to an email like that by actually asking what I was talking about. But "what happened" seems to always generate a response. People usually start off with, "OMG, I thought I told you! Theirs so much going on in my life right now but I guess your refering to the beauty pageant I entered Anhedónia in---Yea I know shes a kintergarden but its never to soon to start learn to makeup!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm kidding. You didn't really think I'd email anyone who used the word "pageant," did you?

Anyway, here's the news: Lynndie England is featured in Marie Claire (no joke; they even refer to her as "the waiflike girl with the devilish grin"; I alerted them that the writer is on the pipe), George Michael and Elton John are competing for the honor/horror of Most Desperately Clinging to Fame, and...... The Ed Shepp Radio Experiment returns to the airwaves!!!!!! [huge, deafening applause]

That's right, poogatches! I redubuted October 12, with an episode about, what else, Hair. (Oddly, I neglected to include a Scenes from a Life about the time I got my hair dyed plum in college, which turned out half-plum/half-black, then after Sun-in+Miami went orange; eventually becoming a fried mop of brown rainbow atop my head, which my parents FORCED me to cut and dye back to brown. Damn the middle classes!!!!) And then last week was my Ed's Health Magazine Presents Your Best Halloween Ever, which was hopefully an obvious parody of Men's Health's Your Best Life Ever. And next week: My Halloween Spooktacular! Yay!!!

Yea I know I guess I should have posted something sooner. But in between drinking alone and street preaching and my Campaign Against Butt-Length Hair (CABLuHa), I just haven't had a free moment. But nowst I do, and here you are. So the show's back, now on Thursdays, 6-7pm on WFMU 91.1 and wfmu.org; and I have a new theme! You can download it here for the big file, and here for the littler file. And here for the vocals-only file, in case you want to remixalate it. (Oh, and here for the Blips, which are also for remixalation.) Interestingly, during the first show, someone called up and said that the song made him feel like he was covered in Prell (although he may have said Pert Plus) and had calamari poured down his pants. I'm not quite sure how to take that, or even if I quoted it correctly, or if the calamari were fried or, eh, not fried. Anyway, download the theme and lemme know, beeplers. And don't forget to tune in! Even you, Psychosurgery!

What else? Well, we all know I'm obsessed with Sweden, since I'm convinced that everyone there is a beautiful, supereducated, well-mannered liberal atheist; and that their sewer system is F*&%&$IN HELLACIOUSLY CAPITAL, smelling of peach leaves, bitter almond and efficiency. So naturally, of course, I took it personally when they voted in a center-right government in The Big Election they just had. It was quite a shock; like failing 4th grade all over again, except that now the teacher spoke Swedish instead of Spanish. For a while I just didn't get out of bed, but I'm better now. I can hold down solid foods and move my bowels without laxatives and Zelnorm. I think it's going to be all right, and that's not the Ex-Lax talking this time.

Speaking of Sweden, I've decided that my new favorite movie is Wild Strawberries, followed closely by Scary Movie III. Oh, that movie (the former). So good, it is. I've seen it about 4 times, I think, and I can tell you that about halfway through the 2nd time you lose that sense that every character is the Swedish Chef. Bork bork bork bork! Seriously, it's so good I think y'all have to call me Evald from now on; cux watching that movie, I was like, I AM Evald, except I'm almost completely different! Of course it is a downer of a movie, so if you're looking for fun watch Scary Movie III. Or Drawn Together, which has me LOLing like crazy, almost as if I'm watching a cartoon version of Frasier.

And that's all I've got for you now, gwiplettes, as I have to be off to get my Friday butt wax at Tiffany's.

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About Me

Mount Dora's most perfect (s)export: A sainted sciconoslastic beepster, born from the freak Florida snow, tempered through 10,000 perfumes and electrosplash soundscapes, who creates magic in his dazzle collider in a pumpkin-shaped igloo somewhere in the vicinity of Norwegenmark (Trailer Park)