Wednesday, April 29, 2009

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field andcivilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the controltower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from anaircraft asking, 'What time is it?'

The tower responded, 'Who is calling?'

The aircraft replied, 'What difference does it make?'

The tower replied, 'It makes a lot of difference.. . If it is acommercial flight, it is 3 o'clock . If it is an Air Force plane, itis 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is anArmy aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120minutes to 'Happy Hour.'

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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down amuddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with ared-faced colonel at the wheel.'Your jeep stuck, Sir?' asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.'Nope,' replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys. 'Yours is.'

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel wassitting at his desk when an Airman knocked on the door.Conscious of his new position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the Airman to enter, then said into the phone, 'Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, Sir.'Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, 'What do you want?''Nothing important, Sir,' the airman replied, 'I'm just here to hook up your telephone.'

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Officer: 'Soldier, do you have change for a Dollar?'Soldier: 'Sure, Buddy.'Officer: 'That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!Do you have change for a Dollar?'Soldier: 'No, SIR!'

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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?A: He'll tell you.

Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in thebarber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.The General shouted, 'Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife willthink I've been in a whorehouse!'The Chief turned to his barber and said, 'Go ahead and put it on. Mywife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

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'Well', snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, 'Isuppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waitingfor me to die so you can come and pee on my grave.'

'Not me, Chief!' the Seaman replied. 'Once I get out of the Navy, I'mnever going to stand in line again!'