Friday, December 7, 2012

I have a problem

The cravings and immediate gratification are the same as a cigarette or the clang of a slot machine.

My dad has threatened interventions before. But I don't think I can handle that.

If only it wasn't so.... available. And it's easy, too. When you don't buy a lot at one time, people don't realize that you are stocking up. I don't look like anyone that needs to be featured on TLC. I'm a normal person. Just with one little addiction.

No, seriously. I can't go to the grocery store without walking down the salad dressing aisle. And then, when they put it on sale "buy one, get one free," God help me.

I have three different types of Ranch in my fridge. Talking about it out loud gives me an intonation similar to Benjamin Buford Blue (Bubba Gump).

This is an issue. Seriously.

I rationalize it by thinking of different ways the world could end and the fact that I can hole up in my apartment for a long time with enough creamy nutrients to keep me alive for at least two days. Boo-yah.