He began to wail loudly, so loudly that anyone within a five-block radius was bound to hear. The cops would surely come if we didn't get him down and get him quiet. His sister would never forgive us if he wound up in jail.

The bouncer took my money and disappeared into the club. A few minutes later, Osiris emerged, stooping low to get through the door. When he straightened up, I was staring him in his leather-clad solar plexus.

"What's up?" he asked. He had the kind of deep voice you imagine gods having.

"Teddy's freaked out and climbed a tree. He's yelling so much, I'm scared he'll bring the cops. Can you get him down and get him to our van? Please?"

"No problem." He flashed me a dazzling white smile, and strode across the snow to the gaggle of goths around the tree. His hobnailboots left prints bigger than my head.

Teddy screeched when he saw Osiris approaching: "No, not the Candyman! I didn't eat that fish!"

Unperturbed, Osiris lifted Teddy out of the tree, slung him over his shoulder, and carried him to Rose's minivan.

We bundled Teddy under a blanket, gave him a piece of bubble wrap to play with, then piled in around him to take him back to his sister's house in Urbana.