7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now

Even though I couldn’t possibly care less about oil-based raincoats, I listened to him talk for about fifteen minutes one rainy morning last week.

This little guy, with his colorful button-down shirt and funny-looking hat makes my day most mornings. He works at the 7-11 where I get my coffee. And he always seems happy.

At first I thought he was just putting on a good face, making the best of a tough situation. After all, he couldn’t possibly enjoy working at a convenience store, right?

Then I realized I was missing the biggest part of his appeal: he does enjoy his job, and that’s why he seems so happy—because he is.

Man, that’s awesome. I aim to be like him.

My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player.

But the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, a better job, or a nicer car. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same.

The way I feel about myself, how much I open myself to new people and experiences, how often I choose to smile simply because it feels good—none of these things depend on my life situation. Colorful shirt guy knows that. I suspect he knows these things, too:

1. Enjoying the present moment is a habit that takes practice.

If you always look toward tomorrow for happiness, odds are you will do the same when you attain what you’ve been dreaming of. As strange it sounds, the ability to appreciate what’s in front of you has nothing to do with what you actually have. It’s more about how you measure the good things in your life at any given time.

Practice wanting what you have and it will feel even sweeter when you eventually have what you want. Look around—what’s in front of you that you can enjoy?

2. Finding reasons to be happy now can benefit your future.

Dr. Dacher Keltner of the University of California claims she can predict a person’s future by judging the strength of their smile. Researchers examined yearbook photos of 111 female students taken between 1958 and 1960.

Subsequent tests revealed that the women who expressed more positive emotion in those photos became more mentally focused, had more successful marriages, and enjoyed a greater sense of well-being.

From the article:

“While positive emotion tends to broaden thought, negative emotion tends to narrow it and hold back development….The findings of Dr Keltner and his colleagues, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, are among the first to show that differences in the extent to which people express emotion may be stable throughout their lives and dictate personal and social success.”

3. Tuning into joy can improve your health, something that affords you many possibilities in life.

Something that most people take for granted until it’s compromised.

Christopher Peterson, Ph.D of the University of Michigan, who has studied optimism’s link to health for over twenty years, shows optimistic people have a stronger immune system than their negative counterparts. This may be due to their tendency to take better care of themselves.

Choose to be happy now and you’ll have more days of good health to enjoy.

4. Consistent, long-term happiness depends on your ability to notice and appreciate the details; you can hone that skill right now.

Once you get everything you want, you will still be subject to life’s highs and lows. If you haven’t learned to enjoy the little things, your well-being will parallel your life’s circumstances. Every time something goes wrong, you’ll feel deeply unhappy (as opposed to disappointed, but determined to make the best of things).

Think about the things that fill you with the most joy—spending time with your pets, listening to the rain, and running on the beach, for example. Focus on those things right now, and let them brighten your day. That way, no matter what changes, you’ll have a variety of simple pleasures to help you through.

5. Every day is a new opportunity to be better than yesterday; that pursuit can increase your self-esteem and, accordingly, your happiness.

I used to be obsessed with being perfect. If I wasn’t the best at something, I couldn’t sleep at night. Becoming great never felt as good as I imagined it would because there was always room to be better. I was constantly dissatisfied and disappointed in myself.

I now look at the things I do as opportunities to get better from one day to the next. It’s more satisfying to set and meet an attainable goal, like focusing better and writing an extra article tomorrow, than it is to obsess about perfection, stressing because I’m not a world-famous author.

By focusing on small improvements and mini-goals, you’ll naturally move yourself toward your larger dreams. And you’ll respect the way you’re doing things.

6. You can be who you want to be right now, no matter what your situation looks like.

You may think life needs to change dramatically for you to be the person you want to be. That you can’t be giving unless you make more money. Or you can’t be adventurous until you sell your house. The truth is, you can be those things at any point in time.

So you don’t have money to share. Be generous with your compassion, and listen when your friends have problems. So your house hasn’t sold, pinning you in one place. Create adventure in your day by trying new things and introducing yourself to new people.

You never know when your nows will run out, so ask yourself, “How can I be that person I want to be in this moment?”

7. Finding joy in the present moment, no matter how inadequate it may seem, makes a difference in other people’s lives.

Though we all have different lists of dreams and goals, for most of us this is at the forefront: the possibility of living a meaningful life that affects other people for the better.

Happiness is a moment-to-moment choice, one that many have a hard time making. Other people will notice if you make that choice. And you will motivate them to do the same. As the research above indicates, this motivation has a substantial impact on their health and future happiness.

I know this isn’t your usual reasons-to-be-happy post. It didn’t start or end with “count your blessings” and I didn’t delve into your relationships or good fortune. There’s a very good reason for that.

I don’t think happiness is so much about what you have. What you have changes; your “blessings” evolve. Happiness is about how you interpret what’s in front of you. How proud you are of the way you live your life. How willing you are to enjoy simple pleasures, even if things aren’t perfect.

Though I have’t always done this well, today I choose to focus on the good—both in the world and myself—to feel happy right now. How will you tune into happiness today?

Thanks for the great post! You explained everything so well, no matter the circumstances (which really always change), there is always something you can choose to be happy about! I have a lot of health problems and even when I'm at home having a bad day, I can choose to be happy and change my point of view to focus on the small things. 🙂

Thank you. I feel like spontaneity and leisure is also a key to happiness. If you get stuck in your ways and responsibilities for too long, your life becomes stagnant. Not to say one needs to neglect one's responsibilities to be happy, but if you focus too much on what you want, you won't enjoy it once you do have it.

I can see exactly where you're coming from.I consider myself a perfectionist-if I don't do something perfectly it will bother me until I either fix my mistakes or start over again.Many people think I have my life figured out, im 14 with good grades and a good family, but i think perfectionists like me have the hardest times getting through the day.

Also I like to write too, and I think this is the best post Ive read all week! Keep writing!

It's absolutely true! I found such unhappiness in pinning my wishes and ideals on something. I'd look everywhere for happiness, and in this culture today they make you believe it's in what you buy or in the future, and you're taught not to trust your own instinct. Now everybody's at a loss because the money well has run dry and now they have to look internally. Everything you could ever want or be is already within you, nestled like a Golden Fountain, and you can go within anytime. The soul is such a beautiful thing.

simply brilliant ! Thanks Lori ! It is great article to show how to keep happymeter always healthy.. It is all in our attitude and beliefs !

Just Jessica

Earlier I had been googling why people commit suicide. Its hard at my job, seeing people that are near death but are living in pain. Theres been a part of me that thinks suicide is a good answer for many people. Then I thought I would google reasons to be happy, reasons to live. I’m so glad I came across this… it feels so tangible and not puffed up on religious nonsense but true science. Science/facts are solid even when emotions are not and its a great focus when life seems blurry.

Hi Jessica~ I know exactly what you mean. I think it’s easier to deal with emotions when you understand what’s going on in your body that’s contributing to them. Spirituality helps, but sometimes we need something concrete to hold onto.

It is refreshing to hear someone believe what I believe, and live each day the way I choose to live each day. For those readers who have put into practice Lori’s suggestions from this article, when’s the last time you had a “bad” day? I can’t think of one I’ve had.

Ashley Ryall

It is refreshing to hear someone believe what I believe, and live each day the way I choose to live each day. For those readers who have put into practice Lori’s suggestions from this article, when’s the last time you had a “bad” day? I can’t think of one I’ve had.

Thanks for commenting! It’s so true–when you remind yourself you have everything you need to be happy, it’s difficult to have a bad day. There is something good in every day if you’re willing to see it.

I too always get what i want, but i didn’t know it was always that i want what i get. People use to make me feel very sad because i am a very content person. I can get very happy over small little things, and i felt weird when my friends told me about it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I kept going “is there something wrong with me? I must change, i must change, i must change.” In the end i get so stress up and give up on life. Thank you for sharing this post. Because it helped me to answer people who ask me the same question again.

By the way, what does it mean that i want what i get? Does it mean you are active in getting in rather than i get what i want (proactive – waiting for it to drop)?

Kathy

I too always get what i want, but i didn’t know it was always that i want what i get. People use to make me feel very sad because i am a very content person. I can get very happy over small little things, and i felt weird when my friends told me about it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I kept going “is there something wrong with me? I must change, i must change, i must change.” In the end i get so stress up and give up on life. Thank you for sharing this post. Because it helped me to answer people who ask me the same question again.

By the way, what does it mean that i want what i get? Does it mean you are active in getting in rather than i get what i want (proactive – waiting for it to drop)?

I think that is what it means–that we appreciate what comes our way and look for the good in it rather than lamenting what it isn’t or what it should have been. That doesn’t mean we can’t be proactive in going after things; it’s just a shift in perspective when what we get isn’t exactly what we visualized.

Thanks for reading. I’m so glad you found this post helpful!

Lori

Amalitta

I loved reading your post – what a nice reminder that all we control in life is our attitude. We are happy when we cease to try to be happy. I started a blog (http://amalittachronicles.blogspot.com) to celebrate life during a lonely marathon which I have 9 more months to finish before I can do what I love – but then I started thinking why wait for the unknown future when I can be happy now? 🙂 I look forward to contributing to yours in the future – many thanks!

On the other hand, take the same scenario, but you feel worthy and deserving. You know who you are and how life works. You have a sense of calm and ease within yourself. When things don’t go the way you want them to go, you let it go. You creatively find another way to work with it, rather than get stuck and negatively chatter at yourself.

Nothing and nobody will ever be perfect. Life about accepting people and life as it is. This acceptance then leaves people space to grow. If everything was perfect, there would be nothing to learn and life would be boring.

Easily, the post is really the sweetest on this worthwhile topic. I fit in with your conclusions and will eagerly look forward to your approaching updates. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the exceptional clarity in your writing. I will immediately grab your rss feed to stay privy of any updates

thanx for such wonderful tips. It’s like a simple formula for difficult equation.

Greg Bell

If only it was as simple as that………

Greg Bell

….and science isn’t full of nonsesne? hmmmmm…….

Craig Mcintosh

QUOTE “My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room, when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota, when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player”

Wow that was a great written post :).
I do agree with all of it, even if it things are far from perfect many
times it certainly helps to see the little things and have a great attitude
each day…. I think attitude is one of the more important elements as well it
does not necessary need to be positive attitude but more so “correct
attitude” for the particular time. And let’s say the opposite what
if everything was easy and it would never be a struggle and we would always be
super “Perfect”? How fun or rewarding would it be to accomplish anything then?
It would probably be like far from rewarding…. So all in all I think how silly
it sounds we have to feel the struggle and pain from time to time… In order to
truly appreciate things we accomplish later.. otherwise we would never appreciate
it…

Great point, MrMatts! The imperfections keep things interesting. And pain does create a balance to pleasure. It doesn’t always seem this way in the moment, but in retrospect, most experiences seem somehow rewarding (or they paved the path for something rewarding). At least that’s how it’s been for me!

I love myself a good morning coffee moment. You may even say it’s perfect. =)

Irishmossey

I used to really dislike the whole idea of affirmations, but it really does matter what you say to yourself. Everything starts with a thought, then an emotion is generated, then an action. So, thoughts….how do you manage? What if the affirmations don’t work? What if you can override your negative self-talk? Then what? Just some thoughts….

Excellent post Lori, i could write a article length comment about each great point but i’ll just say that i think this point is absolutely spot on…”Happiness is about how you interpret what’s in front of you”

Can anyone define the
word Happiness? What is Happiness we do not know because every single person
has its own meaning of happiness. Finding the ways to be happy in life is
only a way that can make everyone happy in this world.

Broadcast yourself. Tell everyone you know about your availability for employment and tell them about what you do and what kind of position you are looking for. Try to speak to friends or former colleagues you may know in your industry of interest. Use every resource available to you to broadcast your desire to change or start your career. Utilize social networking sites, online or newspaper classifieds, and any other free media you can find to post your profile and requirements.

Letting go of perfection is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I’m still working on it, and it’s a struggle every day.

I love the way you frame the issue of happiness in this article; it’s so empowering! We are in charge of our own happiness, and it has to come from within. Tying your happiness to the external world is naturally self-defeating. Thanks for the article, Lori!

Michael

I have to say that I like what you are saying here, the problem I have is that I have never been one that can easily just decide to be a certain way. I am often guided by my emotions and unfortunatly spend most of my life unhappy. It is true that when I get what I want I often start thinking I want something else. Right now I am having problems in my marriage. I am trying not to focus on them and focus on me. I want to learn how to be happy. I know I think to much and let it get me down. I love my wife dearly but I know she is unhappy as well. I have to find a way to become happy inspite of my circumstances and maybe she will come along.

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Johnadaniels

Don’t let random chance control your destiny go out out and get what you want!!!

Choose to be happy……right now!!!!

sally ryder

i feel that all i’ve wanted in life was a companion, a friend, a lover….someone who thinks that what makes me special are my qualities and impefections….and god sent him my way on july 2011….however why am i making it complicated…..why am i trying to ruin this beautiful thing i came across….this is all i begged for and now that i have it im pissing all over it….why am i taking him for granted….why don’t i just look at his positives instead of the negatives….in life without the bad theres no good…it goes hand in hand….however i understand that….i just feel im not as happy as i imagined i’d be….so i think somethings wrong and because of it i create excuses to distant him and push him away when really he’s my dream come true…not a perfect one but my vision brought to life.

cheerfulgardener

Hello – I really enjoyed your Post and thank you! I have been dealing wtih a rather tricky health situation but thankfully I’m on the mend – there is a time that comes that when one feels better, they can be more optimistic, start focusing on the happy – thank God for that! Claudia S- Oxford Mills, Ontario Canada. Thank you again Lori.

Michael, if you haven’t already, you need to talk to your wife about what it is that’s specifically bothering you. If you’re anything like me than you know its hard to trust that the feelings you are experiencing are there for a legitimate reason. Your wife will want to know about them, she’s your wife. This may be a difficult conversation to begin, but it is you’re right to be who you are. Own you’re words.

Swimerchic131

I was assigned a “spoken word” piece for my drama class, and I had no idea what to write about. The teacher just said something that means A lot to you. Most people were writing t sad things, that would have the class tearing up by the end of class. So I decided to write about something happy, and what better then happiness itself? I was stumped, because I was trying to make It a “count your blessings” type of thing, but now that I’ve read this I’ve realized that’s not it at all! I finished my piece and i sure to have the whole class loving life instead of depresed. Thanks for all the great ideas!
Sincerly,
Freshman at Omaha north high.

Perfect….now that’s a word that people need to get over. Really. What’s up with the need for perfection – validation, approval, security, or deeper..is there mental illness? There is only One that can be perfect, therefore…the rest of us are human.

I find it quite ironic that those who refer to themselves or are perceived as “perfectionists” are actually a hot mess, far from perfection (like the rest of us). In fact their perfectionism has actually made certain aspects of their lives downright miserable.

I think your comment “The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same” is sooo relevant to the term perfection.

In my opinion…Learning how to appreciate what we DON’T have is sometimes more important …than appreciating what we do have.

You’re right–it’s so ironic that perfectionism can actually make things far from perfect! I know my perfectionism caused me a lot of pain over the years. I am so much happier when I allow myself to be flawed with expecting I should somehow know everything, do everything well, and generally have it all figured out. That would make life pretty boring anyway!

Great point, Robert. I think happiness is definitely subjective for all of us.

Lisha Nanz

A feel good article. Thanks for your post. I live alone and broke up with my boyfriend last night. I woke up in the morning thinking about how life can change drastically in a second. I’m no depressed. I’m actually working on it. I know that this guy isn’t made for me and even if he comes back I’m no way going to accept him. I know what I want in life. I’ve dreams and schemes and I’ve to work on it. We’re just friends now. But I’m not losing a hope and still have faith in relationships. These things are something not in our hands. Let God shape my destiny. I’ll do what I’ve to do in my career. My birthday is coming up in next few days and I’ve decided to donate something to orphanages. I believe that we should keep doing things which makes us happy not expecting anything in return. Thanks again for the post.

Wow Lisha. I really admire your positive attitude! How wonderful that you’re donating to orphanages. I think you hit the nail on the head about doing what makes us happy without expectations. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here =)

Themusicallemon

I love you Jesse. I really enjoyed these seven reasons, and your comment made it even better 🙂

whenmyskyfalls

Hi Lori that was a Great Post.. it really cheered me up and made me reflect upon myself.. I realized that I was always that person who told myself I will be happy tomorrow.. its especially a hard time for me with a break up and a possible layoff in the next three months.. I feel lost and i want to find work that I am passionate about..still.. I will try to stay afloat in the meantime. Thank you !

I come to realise gradually that in order to increase my level of happiness, I need to release the need to be perfect. By settling down to my current circumstance and be content about it, I experience a greater inner peace.

Sea Writer

The Universe is perfect. The World is perfect. Perfection is defined as that which has no flaw by comparison or demerit to it’s design. People are perfect too but most don’t see that about themself. The ultimate perfection is nothing: all, pure and eternal. But it turns out nothing is not perfect with everybody running around with beliefs yoked at the throat. So the cosmic ‘All’ or ‘nothingness’ compares it’s ‘beingness’ to itself for reconciliation and we end up with the galaxic big bang. Why people want to hurt cosmic beings I suspect is because they can’t let go of the image they created of and for themself, therefore they can’t stand to live with cosmos who do not attach to image of self, no comparison they can use to see past what we are. Now everything I think is just another belief and should be shed like a winter’s leaf. It’s mean to use swami secrets to wake up people. They say we should all love one another but that’s mean to swami as he sees people trying to love finding nothing but more imagery because that’s all they know. I love my swami so much. Being happy is the same as being loving. Loving free of expectations and free of hurts to the heart. Nobody believes me because I am nothing and love is not a tale told to somebody’s doubted existance. Laughing forever that we made it here. Scary like crazy is my imperfection to others space. I ask to be dead but to remain here happy until I know everybody else will be happy too. The truth is nobody can do it alone until everybody stops together. The old kingdom of god thing. Like rain, it’s always here even when we don’t see it. Thank you for waiting. Now. Loving.

mike love

dont care people not much date more people and u going to be ok ! any age ! try that

Hannahfaith0

This is great. I think these truths were somewhere deep inside of me where I couldn’t hear them, but now I can and I really do appreciate this article for that. Thanks so much.

This is important for a perfectionist like me to read. I recently made a huge mistake at my new job (which I was so excited about/saw as the fulfillment of my life), and it still hurts, but I know that things will improve if I focus on the good stuff in life. You can’t be perfect in life.

I know all about being a perfectionist! I was actually just telling someone how this has served me well at times, and crippled me at others. It’s such a great feeling to forgive myself for making mistakes. I’m glad you’re able to do that in this situation and focus on the good things!

How do you find happiness when your spouse is a complete monster and yells at you and your 19 month old child and you don’t want a divorce because you believe a child should grow up with both parents under the same roof. We tried counseling and it didn’t help and I’ve also asked her to to go see a psycholigist and she says there is nothing wrong with her.

I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. That’s a really tough situation. I can understand why you’d want your child to grow up with two parents under the same roof, but what do you think would be better: growing up in a house with two parents, one of whom acts like a monster, or growing up in a house with one parent who is able to control their temper? I’m not suggesting it would be easy to get a divorce, or that you should–I just got the impression it’s something you’ve considered and maybe want. Am I right?

Jen

Awesome!…this article came to me without even looking for it. It must have been an unconscious decision that I needed to read to finally realize that I should not judge me or others as harsh as I have or dwell on the negative stuff. Thanks for the article I ENJOYED reading it!

Last month I experienced the worst emotional breakdown. Life has been pretty good to me and when things go wrong I cant handle it. I am in a new environment and have a hard time trying to fit in. Things eventually become better as my problem resolves over time, but I cant help crying now and then. I do not even know why. I just cry.

I realise I am being too competitive. I am striving so much that it cost me my health for something that I do not need just to keep my ego, thinking that people will see me as someone better. But I dont remember being very happy when I thought I accomplish such competitive goal.
Happiness is about how you interpret what’s in front of you.
I should just love myself and be grateful for I have all the most important things, family, friends and life itself.

I think sometimes we cry when we’re feeling deep emotions, but we don’t fully understand them. I’ve been there many times before! I also know what it’s like to push myself, driven by my ego, trying to gain validation from other people.

It sounds like you’ve formed a wise conclusion, about loving yourself and being grateful for the important things in life. I know it’s not always easy to sustain this belief on a day to day basis, because we’re wired to search for more (I suspect part of our survival instincts). I think it all comes down to balance: learning to strive toward our goals, for ourselves–not outward approval–and at the same time, creating a sense of peace in recognizing we truly have everything we need to be happy right now.

You might not think that you are a famous author, but you are to me. What you wrote helped me a lot. And I’m sure there are lots of people out there whom you have helped. Thank you so much. And keep writing. 😀

Wow! All your points are EXCELLENT advice, however, #5 really hit me! My life is grand and I am glad I am where I am but it always feels like I can do more. No matter what goal I set for myself, it always seems that I reach it but then say, I could have done better. I don’t reach for perfection but indirectly I feel like I have to! Not a good way to go by it, therefore, I am going to try your idea. Set smaller, more attainable goals and be satisfied with that! Thanks for the writing, if I can practice these ideas, I can see why they’d be successful!

Lori, just wanted to say that whenever I’m dealing with something incredibly challenging I always turn to your posts. I feel so much more grounded and positive after reading them. Thank you for having the courage to write and share your wisdom.

SJ

What a wonderful website… I will be reading your blog from now on… god bless

hey..i rily enjoyed your post i am motivated rite nw…um a teenager going through taugh life,this stage is really challenging but its seems like my parents dont understand that..sometimes i ask mi self if they have gone through this stage or what..this is the god job…god bless you

You’re most welcome Sandy. It’s not easy to be a teen. I remember..and I think things have gotten more complicated in many ways. I’m sure your parents understand in some way…they were there once! Have you talked to them about what you’re going through?

Sandy

hey,um not open with mi parents why because most of time they dont discuss some things with m…..like sex education wht they said is dont have a boyfriend at the young age so there are not helping me to do that..thats why i say this stage is most hard stage it need three people to go through with it..ur mum,dad nd u…mi parents are totally traditional its hard for me here lori..

Ah, I see. That’s a tough one. Are there any teachers or relatives you trust to discuss this with you? It’s unfortunate your parents won’t have this conversation with you, but it’s definitely important that someone does.

Sandy

Hey..i hve one of mi relative that trust i guess i should talk to her but anyway um thnksful for your help u are life save..um sure u hve helped so many people there nd may blessings follow u…nw i hve learn smthng’nobody is perfect all of us we mke mistakes nd we learn from it..nd i dnt blve this a person out there who ddnt make mistake in his/her life nd we are born to make mistake nd learn from it..um in grade 11 nd i wnt to mke mi parents proud together wit mi uncle nd his wife thre are the one who guide,hlp,cre nd love m..thnks lori…luv u mre..tke care

Paul_d1nonly

Try to discover things you want to do that will excites you everyday, and what you would love to do for the rest of your life, even if you don’t get paid for it. This is figuring out what your real passion in life that God has given you for a reason, to live your life full of happiness that you can enjoy much better, and live a better life than you could ever imagine. If you do not know it yet, don ever ever give up. I had these kind of problem before, but I never gave up. Finally, After 12 years, I discovered it. I trully believe if you want to improve your life, then know your goals, passion, desires have the willingness to act upon the prosesses that you need to do or attain, but its sure will be easier if you would do it using your strengts and abilities that you have in you. Try to discover it, I’m sure you will not regret it. Discover your true strengths in you and get involved with it. Sometimes its hard, but come on, it would be easier, right? Always remember that “Life Is A Working Progress” everyday. I hope that helps!
All the best,

I read my first article from Tiny Buddha today (afternoon). I’m usually not someone who spend lots of time reading many articles from one single website. But Tiny Buddha is amazing! It has all solutions for the situations I go through! 🙂 I’ve already read 3-4 articles and have forwarded them to few friends! 🙂 It’s really very very nice of you (Lori) to do SO much for all of us! 🙂

lori…i got up this morning feeling meh…then i typed “i want to be happy” on google…
your site came up and after reading your post i feel kind of happy…
a very neat article and yes far removed from the “count your blessings” kind of articles (which are also good) but it just makes you feel like things arent as bad as we think they are…thanks again 🙂

Live now, for the path that you are in is a learning experience for the future lives you have left to live in the future. You have lived different lives, I believe everyone has this feeling. I believe it’s because it’s true. Only if you believe.

Nicole

Thanks for this!

I just hope I can apply theory to practice…

But, it sounds good and is a healthy attitude to have.

Cent4u

I just broke up with my s/a after 13 years n i m devasted,i feel as if my heart is ripped apart,so help me to be happy

hi ,i liked your post …but the it is not always very easy to follow all these things…I have been always very optimistic and happy person ..but many things happened to me and hurted me in such a way that i scared of building my life happy again …..though i am living my life but it just like anything…and the person who hurted me is the same whom i loved toomuch and i think i still love him….bu on the same time difficult to trust him…though we have gone fromvery hard relationship stillwe are living together ….now he told me always that he is sorry for what he did but i believe he id again fooling me …dont know whether to trust himor not

thanks, keep that good work up. my pricipal at college told me repeat a semester because I didn’t write exams for that semester because I couldn’t afford the fees. Now I’m very
unhappy its another year added for my studies which is costly again.

What an awesome website – i coudl do this all day… Its like the medicine i’ve been searching for.. The explicit desciptions of the human heart and how complex our emotions really are are just fantastic.. I felt like someone was looking straight into my heart and interpreting it in a language everyone coudl understand.. Its even made me feell like i can maybe write a short story.. Thank you so so much for this website and keep up the good work….

Lori,
I am so glad I found you tonight, you made me smile. Thank you. I am a survivor of 16 years of domestic violence, and I am sitting here getting sad again, hurting, he is going to court this week for his pre-trial, but as always he will probably get away with it. And will return to kill me. But today, I had to smile after reading your article. I don’t have a job, money, friends or family. I am all alone and if he did kill me no one would know. I need help, but, before I met Jeff, I had been in another marriage that was abusive with Tony for 13 years. I know, I must be a ‘mat’ to take so much or stupid. I had 5 children of my own and then raised Jeff’s kids. 7 kids and nobody to care for me. But, for right now, I will smile. Because, he is not here to hurt, spit on my face, strangle, or throw things at me. I must pick myself up and have hope. I hope it will start with this smile. I am not sure I can do this here, but I would like to leave my email, if anyone want to be my friend. simonesempre7@gmail.com, had to change to this email after he hacked into my other one. I am trying to make it. I will try to come back to this site again. Thank you for your words…

I am almost at a loss for words. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. I know you didn’t ask for advice–just a friend–and I would love to be one. Still, I feel a need to ask: Do you have any family (parents, siblings, cousins) who you can lean on for support? Or perhaps your children? (I got the sense that they’re grown now).

I know from experience that online friendships can help a great deal, but we still need face-to-face, hand-to-hand connection. Also, I’m wondering if there’s some greater way you can protect yourself from him. I honestly don’t know a lot about domestic violence like this, and what resources are available to you, but I could do some research if you’d like. I am here to help, however I can.

Much love,
Lori

Simonesempre7

Lori,

Thank you so much, no I do not have anyone, my mother is 87 and I will need to take care of her, she is not in good shape, and if I tell her she will get worse. My husband made sure that no one would ever talk to me, my family, friends or neighbors. That is how batterers work. I was always trying to help him find therapy and take care of him, hoping he would change, but they do not change, all the therapy in the world does not help batterers because they focus on controlling their intimate partner. And, I could not see the forest for the trees. Now, here I am, waiting to see what is going to happen in court, I do not even have time to learn how to defend myself. And he will probably get away with it, again. I try to lift myself up, on my own, since I do not have anyone to talk to, that is how I found your website. I need to learn to smile and be strong. I hope I can keep in touch with you through here. I used to be strong, and I am trying again. It is hard when you have heard for 16 years that you are no good at anything. The brain washing is amazing, the problem is that people like me, the givers, get really abused by the takers in this world. I have reached to Domestic Violence Hot lines and other resources, but there is so many women out there that are being abused and killed, that it is difficult to help everybody.
I understand that, so I try to help myself, and hopefully I will be able to help others. Meanwhile, I read your articles, and hopefully I will be able to tell my story of being terrorized and how I survived. This last time, he jumped from behind, grabbed me by my neck, dragged me like a rag doll across about 6ft, crushed me to the ground, hurting my knee, rib and cutting my arm, but his grip on my neck was so strong that I could not breath, I don’t know what happened, but I got my mouth around his arm and bit him over his gray sweat shirt, somehow he let me go, I crawled to my room and locked the door. Someone up above must have helped me, because I would have been dead. It is not the first time he has done this. Anyway, thank you for bring joy to my life and making me smile. Simone

You’re most welcome Simone. I wish I could do more. I don’t know you (yet) but I know you don’t deserve to be mistreated in any way. If you’d like to keep in touch, you can reach me at email(AT)tinybuddha(DOT)com.

Icy

Hey this reli great thank you for sharing this .I have been lost my happiness and passionate for a long time no matter what I try to do the things which will
Make me happy before it turns out not working .I feel so frustrated and depressed but I will try like what you say appreciate the simple little things at life 🙂

I particularly agree that your mood affects others and makes a difference. This applies to the workplace also. The world could be falling down around you, but there is always something positive to think about somewhere!

Jen

Hey sandy im 28 years old and i am going through some tough time with my life right now. i have 2 kids and “married”…when i was a teen, i hated talking to my parents. i always think they are always butting in my life. now mind you, my parents are very conservative and old-fashioned. …but now, more than ever i thought to myself….when they were talking to me then about life, it didnt sound good to me. but in reality, it was the truth. i know we dont always want to hear it but just because what your parents say now doesnt sound :right” to you, it the future it will all make sense. believe me……I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND LISTENED to them…and maybe, just MAYBE, i wouldnt be in this situation that i am in right now. i dont know how old you are and what you are going through….but always remember sweetie….you always ALWAYS have to let someone know your feelings. ESP your parents. cuz no matter what, its FAMILY that always GOT YOUR BACK! goodluck to you and keeo ur head up you sound like a good kid 😉

Jen

HAPPINESS. Just browsing through…I think I meant to come across this article. All my life, that’s all I ever wanted , HAPPINESS. I remember happy moments, but HAPPINESS is something I never had and maybe, never will. I do appreciate the things that are in front of me right now and I always think how lucky I am to have them compared to the ones that doesnt have what we “lucky” people have. I enjoyed this article very much. Thank you for sharing

Simonesempre7 From a man’s perpective, and therefore being blunt, I get out of this non-relationship with your life. You are far to beautiful and valuable with so much love to give than to endue such digracefull and cruel disrepect. Believe it or not, you will also be doing him a favor by leaving, it will force him to examine himself (hopefully) if he is man enough. And cogratulations, for inspite of your awfull experience, you can still seek to remain positive. I can see that you have a huge heart with so much love to give.
From the words you wrote, I take it you are married. In the event you are bound (imprisioned) by the honoring of marrage vows made before god that bind you to this man, then please read the articals from http://www.divorcehope.com/ .

My heart goes out to you, as I can tell you’re hurting. Why can’t you talk to anyone about your fears and feelings? Is there anything I can do to help you?

Lori

Melanie Sedillo

This post is something I really appreciated, thank you! I’m currently 17 years old, and am proud to say that this really is how I see my life. Life, the way I see it, is a blessing in itself. And I choose to treat my life as exactly that, a blessing. I find myself enjoying the little things, the small but meaningful moments. And all of this may or may not sound silly considering the fact that I have had little experience in the world so far, but it is a comfort to know that I am able to view life as you have explained here. Of course, life has its challenges, especially now, but this serves as motivation. Honestly. And I’d like to thank you for that again. Keep doing what you are doing!

this is great advice…. And i will try to follow it. But i think my unhappiness goes much deeper. I love my friends and can laugh with them easily. But i am less happy with my family. Theyre all nice people but its hard to pretend i enjoy their company and it makes me sad when i cant tell them i love them. Please help me. Thanks

Excellent post and it is all so very true. “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Such a simple phrase, but has such amazing power if it is actually followed. There are always going to be negative influences in your life no matter what you do, but they are powerless without your attention. I have chased happiness in so many different and often material ways, and any time I focus on acquiring whatever material it may be, the end result is worthless without people to share it with. The interesting part is that friends are free and can provide true happiness and positive experiences no object ever will.

Vishu Sukhdev

we should live in day tight compartment. And enjoy everything which created by God

TJ

Lori you are my role model! Don’t worry about being a perfectionist because you are about as good as it gets in my eyes. As a recent college grad struck-en by unemployment – I think if I could redo college, I’d major in online business and do an internship with you (an amazing mentor).

Points #1 and #4 resonate the most with me.

#1 – This is about a mental state. If you are someone who is future oriented (like I was), all you think about is how your hard work and suffering today will result in joy and happiness tomorrow. The problem is that this mental state NEVER leaves. So even if you’ve reached a point in time that was once a goal in the past – your mental state keeps telling you – work harder and suffer that way tomorrow is better. Sadly, we don’t get to live in this projected tomorrow – today is all we have.

#4 – To me this is also about living in the moment. Appreciating those little things around you (loved the dog example: my little Oscar is a pure happiness package), forces you to be happy in the now – during the current day. I think the only way to be truly happy is to design a day plan that incorporates happiness. Waking up and doing something you enjoy – today, calling your best friend – today, exercising – today, etc.

I’ve recently written a post about daily happiness that I’d like to share with your readers – I think it’ll add value to this well-written piece.

I love this, i am happy because although we have daily challenges that we face and times that get us down, our lives are filled with people who love us, we learn that to be unhappy doesnt change the bad things, thank you for this article you have boosted my day, and inspired me to share joy around me 🙂

chloe

Happiness is a simple thing and sometimes over thought! It should be simple but we overthink life too much, we always aim higher and strive for more, but one day we should learn that what we have is enough to be happy with.

OKay, so…how? These are 7 good reasons to try to be more positive/happy now. I agree and accept these, and I’m sure there are 101 more reasons to be happy. OK, great. So, how does one do that? I’ve heard the phrase “open yourself to new people and situations”. Ok, I feel that I am open to new things, but that doesn’t mean I am going to have new experiences. I can be open to people, but if people aren’t open to me, what is the point? I mean, we hear ‘happiness is a choice’, okay so I’ll choose to be happy. Doesn’t mean that I AM happy, just that I’ve chosen to be. I’m not seeing the connection between want and actuality. I mean, just because you want a thing does not in any way mean you are going to get that thing. So, it’s got to be more than just waking up one day, deciding to be happy, and then all of a sudden your whole world is different. It just don’t work that way. It is more than just a choice, I mean seriously, who would choose to be unhappy? No one, that’s who! So, in essence, we ALL want and choose happiness. But only some people get it. So what is it that those people are doing or thinking or whatever to make the want into reality? I would argue that it is having your needs met. Having your needs met IS happiness. And the flip side is, if your needs are not being met, it is nearly impossible to truly be happy. Now these needs are often unconsciously driven, and so one person’s castle is another person’s shack. One person may have a real need for relationship in their life in order to feel alive. Another person may be perfectly content alone in a cave, or stuck in the modern world alienated and alone. So long as the level of relationship is met for each of these types of people, they both have the same opportunity for happiness. The point is, it’s not just a matter of deciding to be happy. There ARE conditions that must be met in order for a human being to be happy. Some are universal, and some are specific to that person. On another note, what about those who have a chemical imbalance in their brains? Or those who have been depressed their whole life, who have made unhappiness a habit? For these folks, surely there is way more to it, and a simple answer that may apply to the general population, does not apply. So, to sum up, your article is very good, well written, clear, and answers the question it set out to. So, now we have the reasons WHY. How about an article now about HOW? How does one break years and years of habitual negative thinking? How does one overcome the chemistry of their brain? How does one break out of the rut, the lethargy of depression? It’s one thing to be happy, and it’s another to not be unhappy. I think these are two seperate questions, 2 different takes that both need to be addressed. I suppose you could say for me personally, I have given up on trying to be happy. There are just too many needs/wants that are not met, or will be met in my life for me to ever be happy. For me, I’d settle for just not being miserable. Any comments are welcome.

I think you bring up a great point, about having our needs met. When I think back to the darkest time in my life, I recognize that none of my emotional needs were met (and many of my physical ones weren’t either). Of course, I was much younger then, and I hadn’t found a lot of the tools that help me get through tough times as an adult).

When I first started responding to your comment, I was going to address the various questions you brought up, about overcoming negative thought patterns and moving beyond depression. But there are other articles on the site that do that more effectively. If you’re interested in seeing the links, let me know!

So instead, I’m just going to ask you some questions, that you don’t need to answer for me, though you can. These might be helpful in understanding what you could do to make changes going forward. My heart goes out to you, because I tell you’re coming from a painful place, I know what that’s like, and I would love to help if I can.

1. Do you believe it’s possible for you to be happy? (This belief will impact everything you do, and will shade how you interpret things, people, and situations around you.)

2. Do you have needs that *you’re* not meeting?

3. Do you have any type of practice to clear your thoughts? (Yoga/meditation/etc).

4. Have you talked to anyone you trust about how you feel?

5. What activities make you happy? When’s the last time you did one of them?

6. Have you considered therapy to help move beyond the depression? (I spent a decade in therapy in my adolescence, and I don’t think I’d still be here if I hadn’t done that!)

7. Could you do one small thing today to create a situation where your needs are better met?

I hope these questions help a little. You are in my thoughts!

Lori

rayee saajan

This is a stupid question.I am just eager to know that have you travelled to Nepal, the birth palce of The Lord Buddha?

reading this article has made me feel so much better especially since today wasn’t the best day for me. this allowed me to see things in a different perspective, one that’s more optimistic. high school can be a challenge at times, but i refuse to allow all the drama and teenage angst to swallow me whole. thank you so much for this!

This IS good advice, but its very difficult to find inner happiness even if you desperately want to, it is for me anyway.

Amanda

I love this blog. I am working on writing a blog myself and every time I have the chance to read blogs like this I’m left with such an inspiring feeling. I have been at a point in my life where i thought I wouldn’t be happy again and then one day it all just clicked. That I had everything I needed and the more I’m growing up the more I’m seeing the positive in everything. I don’t have everything that all of the girls around me have but I don’t need it because I’m perfectly content with what I have. Although they’re the ones with all the clothes, shoes, and nice cars I still feel like I have it better. I feel like every day we have more of a reason to love life that much more

Ryan

Amazing article. I’ve been down because I feel like so many things aren’t where I want them to be as if i’m behind in acheiving my goals and living out the life I dream. This article put me back in my place and got me to look what I have today thank you 🙂

Wow! Your writing is amazing. I want you to know how much you’ve impacted my life, opened my eyes. Things are tough for me right now, I’m a single mom but reading what you have wrote has helped me look at my life so differently. I’m almost in tears right now. I bet you never knew how much you could have impacted an individual’s life with your own happiness. I can’t rely on anyone else to make me happy, it has to come from within. I’d love to read more of your amazing upliftment. You should definitely write a book, I’ll buy your first copy, I’m already a fan. Thanks so much.

You’re most welcome. I’m so glad this was helpful to you Dollie! I actually have written a book since I wrote this post. You can find that here: http://amzn.to/oydElt

SimplyEmily

I’ve been down on myself lately and lacking the feeling of being happy. From number 1, I cheered up. Laying in bed with my dog really is a sweet time of day, no matter how simple. You may not be famous, but you’ve really made my day and made me look forward to the next and all that follow. Thank you so much.

I’m very thankful for this article. I was blindly clicking links for any guidance for a better path for my current thought process to take. This helped me. I feel much more at ease knowing so many others needed this as much as I did. Thank you.

You’re most welcome! I also find it reassuring to know we all deal with the same things. We may have challenges, but we’re never alone with them.

Valerie kay

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amanda

I like that you say you can be who you want right now. I tend to say I wish I was this way or that way or people thought of me like this but if I want to make more friends all I need to do is go talk to people today not maybe this weekend. And finding happiness right now, even though finals are coming up and I’m having an off day. I’m still alive and I still have a beautiful family with amazing friends. I am healthy and getting an education so I should be happy for every reason today.

I know what you mean Amanda. It’s tempting to think that happiness is one day in the future. I’ve thought that many times before! And yet we only ever have this moment. That’s wonderful you’ve formed those realizations, about your family, friends, health, and education. =)

Mandy

I really needed this, and I appreciate you writing about it. Right now, I am at my all time low. Working three different jobs and a full time college student and I am trying to help my parents with the bills along with my own car payments, tuition and little things like phone and such. And today couldn’t have possibly be a harder day for me. I’m 18 years old and quite frankly haven’t been happy in a long time. And I love how quickly this article so quickly changed my outlook on today. I thank you for what you do for us readers, it takes a lot to please everyone and to make it in writing, but tonight, you saved my life. Thank you

You’re most welcome Mandy. It sounds you like a lot of responsibilities right now. I can understand how that might feel overwhelming at times, especially knowing your parents are depending on you. I’m glad this helped you. =)

Ron

Good advice. Being in the present is key but not always easy to do since other factors take over unconsciously. These factors CAN be overcome though so that one is fully himself/herself — in the present moment, aware, confident, powerful and happy. More can be found at http://www.squidoo.com/how-i-can-be-happy

Waqas

i took lots of medicines to get mental relaxation. but i am still not relaxed. i am always feeling lonely and want to cry. i think all people are fake and wrong in this world.. .

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. Have you tried meditation? It can be highly effective for relaxation. There are some really wonderful guided meditations on YouTube. As for people being fake and wrong, it sounds like you’ve been hurt in a lot of your relationships. Are there any friends/family members you trust?

Nicholas L. Rogers

Thank you so much for these very kind wise words =] I will most certainly pass them on

Thank you so much. I’m making this article my home page so I can make sure I read it every day. This article made me happier than I’ve been in a long time, and reading it was so quick. You write very well, it’s easy to follow what your saying and the content is so very true. Thank you for helping me change my outlook on life. You’re a great writer

Lori, u are what the whole world needs to be. I know u obviously dont know me, and i u, but everything u point on is what the world (me included) is missing. right now im struggling. My wife 32 and myself 26 have been trying to have a baby for 2 years without success. We finally got pregnant, and she miscarried. Ever since then my outlook on life has been bleek. myself being an only child, my goal in life is to have a child and for my parents to become grandparents. Im so scared i wont be able to give that to them. i see the joy in my mothers eyes everytime a neice of hers is born….and i feel really guily….partly because i dont feel i was the best son ever. when i was 18 i chose the wrong path in life with drugs and alcohol and caused my family alot of pain. Ive been clean and sober for 18 months, and we learn alot of the same positive changes we can make in life through alcoholics anonymous. Its good to see other people outside of AA trying to change the world in a positive way. If u help one person through ur whole life, so that they become a better person, or find joy in life, youve done your job. I know this is alot to share, but i just want u to know how special of a person u are. I dont know if u believe in god (or me for that matter), but ur doing gods work. And i believe in people like u, changing the world for the better. 1 small step at a time. -john p

I have something to say Thank you.. Thank you so much. Im only 19 years old I live in a 3rd world country but that doesn’t stop me from being happy. I know im only a teenager who hasnt experience hardest part of life. I sometimes feel like my life is worthless but then I think to myself. Im happy of whats in front of me. I just look for more happiness. My mom died when i was 17, I was really depressed and I felt like dying but I dint I move on.. I think what you said was true. I doesnt matter who you are or what u have. What matters is how u appreciate whats in front of you and be happy about it.. Thank u..

I’m really inspired by your perspective Joan…and I’m so sorry to learn that you lost your mother. I can only imagine what that was like for you. I’m sure you’re helping a lot of people through your blog. =)

akshika

i simply dont understand how to avoid negative feelings or be happy when my life is torturing me in all possible way. inspite of a loving husband and 1 yr old boy, i am alws unhappy or thinking abt tensions in my life….

It may help to find a guided meditation on YouTube, one geared toward progressive relaxation. That would be a good start!

aching lai

I have a girlfriend and I love her very much
but unfortunately he’s back in the country
Initially we always chat but not anymore
if he does not love me anymore?
please give a good word to be able to touch the heart

aching lai

I have a Bf and I love him very much
but unfortunately he’s back in the country
Initially we always chat but not anymore
if he does not love me anymore?
please give a good word to be able to touch the heart
IM really need ur help guys

aching lai

I have a Bf and I love him very much
but unfortunately he’s back in the country
Initially we always chat but not anymore
if he does not love me anymore?
please give a good word to be able to touch the heart
IM really need ur help guys

dawn

What happiness is there when your boyfriend may be taken by CPS (child protective services) or be take by fox news watching Bible slinging extreme conservative pro female submission holier than thou Christians who just want him and his sister as there token black children to look good and as a conversation peice? Seriously advice welcome: dawnwolffe@gmail.com

Rohan

I was quite depressed today… My day didn’t go well. But as soon as I read this post i felt myself relaxed and Happy! Thank you very much Lori for sharing your wonderful article.

I want to say a big thank you for the good work you have done in my life and that of my friend Peggy, for helping her to get her job back and others you have helped in one way or the other. What more can i say, please keep up the good work and thanks a million times for bringing my partner back to me, and for the sake of those that will love to contact him, you can contact him via email ihumudumupriest@gmail.com. Roxanne

Daniel

It is of a high importance to get accustomed to the idea of practicing happiness in every moment of your life. You should cultivate the kind of behavior where you show others how to be happy with the help of your broad smile. Learn more here http://bit.ly/ZlooZj

Black

It’s easy for you to say but my parents won’t let me drive im 22 they let my brother drive at 16 and my sister that’s not fair I’m 22 now and they keep telling me to.grow up at this age I don’t know why please help

Ana

Hi Michael, I have just discovered this site today and after reading your post I was just wondering how you are doing now, a year on? How are you?

Letitia Spisso

this is a great article! so happy to have stumbled upon your blog <3 <3

eatlovelivelove.blogspot.com

Sedona Cole

I think there are many great points
here, and a lot of them are the ‘why’ (to getting happiness) versus the ‘how’,
which can be very difficult. However, sometimes we just can’t get through the
limitations of negative thoughts on our own. I found a site with a profound
quote on it that really woke me up. It said ‘The definition you’ve placed on yourself – or have
allowed others to place on you – is precisely why you have what you have, do
what you do, are what you are and act how you act’. (Source: http://www.FTRnation.com,
a wonderful mentoring/coaching site). It was that moment that I decided to get
a coach, because I knew it but I wasn’t ‘living it’. It was the best thing I
ever did (get a coach, at the site listed above). My income has soared, my
health has improved (from chronic fatigue!), and I’m finally living every day
joyfully. I really like the point made in this post, which says ‘you can be who
you want right now’. There is nothing to wait for, as it’s a decision. Great
article!

Chelsea Helmick

Thank you so much for writing this. I have a had a very tough life. Im 21 with a 3 year old daughter. My mother died when i was 8 and my dad is in prison for the rest of his life. My sisters live 1000 miles away from me and we barely talk. I do not talk to my mothers family at all they havent tried to be there for me since my mother passed. So i guess u say life gets me down frequently and everytime i feel down i will read this! Ur amazing and u inspire me. Thnk u

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Varun

Am from India and 23 yrs old.. Had a really tough time the past few years with depression due to stress and pressure from failing exams..

following your advice and the past couple of weeks have been really beautiful.. It gives me the confidence to approach each day with a smile and lead a happy life.. Thanks

You’re most welcome Varun. I’m sorry to hear about your exams. I’ve gotten depressed under pressure before as well, so I think I can relate. I hope each new day brings you more confidence and more reasons to smile!

gg

Thank you for the article i am 22 and everyday i wake up unhappy there is not one day i am not crying i get so sad . I am constantly trying hard to see the good things and this article just helps me understand i want to be happy

You are most welcome gg. Have you told anyone else about your depression? In retrospect, I wish I was more honest about what I was going through when I was depressed and what was really weighing on me. I carried a lot alone because I felt ashamed, but I now know we never need to feel alone in the world–and there are people who want to help!

saddly

I could see how this could be helpful to many. And I am glad that it is good that many are helped by these thoughts and words. Unfortunately for me anything positive is too late. I am living in pain due to an injury two years ago. Everyday feels miserable:( and restrictive. Try laying down day and night and no pain relief….for TWO YEARS or more….

That is a toughy, but pretty good opinion with facts…good stuff. I’d say now, because I have found myself falling short in relationships, to just not be sad, or fall ever again and be a cry baby about stuff. Keeping a smile, that’s the best advice. There are so many people that have it worse then me should be remembered, always. But we are a pitiful bunch. It’s like boo hoo 24/7 sometimes, and life is too short to stress on the things we cannot change. No big deal about relationships, but we take them serious, especially when we care about some one else, who doesn’t care about us the same, is a factor. I am going to at least say get over it, and forget, so you can move on as quickly as possible. Life is not perfect, but we do have the power to focus on positive things, but we usually put ourselves in drowning agonizing, pitiful scenarios, where we do drown our own selves in pity. I realize that, and that I am being a crybaby when doing that, and no one likes a wine-bag, crying all the time. If one of my friends or family dies, that is one thing, & I am sorry 🙁 truly, but a relationship, and other things that are not serious at all, is really a very bad thing. Reminds me of actual sin, when you know, or knew better but went ahead & did the sin anyway. Is it OK, to feel sorry for a moment? At age 36, I have no time to be a cry baby, or listen to whining.

Alex

these tips
and tricks are quite helpful to a lot of storyboard artist, you have a
great post, this will make a lot of storyboard artist to think on their
strategies on making their projects! kudos!

gabriella~

these were all really cute, especially number five. c: i actually never took the tine to realise that i could at least /try to be happy right now instead of hoping to be happy tomorrow, and even trying to cheer myself up in bad situations can probably make me happy right then. oh, and gerard way said that quote at the top as far as i know. :3

i will try to apply this starting today and also ill ask my boyfriend to read this..

Katerina

I really feel stuck. I find myself waking up in the morning with nothing to look forward to. I have no idea why, i just feel unhappy, unfulfilled.

Jeevan

hi michael, I was also unhappy in my life before, but now i am the happiest person in my life, the reason behind it is i understood the importance of every second of my life which god has given me, think about it your life is precious, you have got the human life, which is not easy to get, you are married, this is also not possible for some people, you must be educated, this is also impossible thing for many people around the world, god loves you as well as every life god has created is precious, and they are around you. think about the small small things which you have, meet your friends, love them(dont show or impress). they are also gods creations. dont waste single second of your life, avoid negative thoughts. and you will be happy in life, and person with smile on face can achieve everything.

Jeevan

hey, if you u love him, I think thats enough, See words given by others will touch his heart for time being, not for long time. if you love him, just love him inside your heart, dont show, which will loose the importance of your love. and never pressurize someone to chat with you. its real love and feeling which makes people talk to you and not pressure or fake words.

johnnydog

hi, im johnny and im 22 years old, and im angry at everything and myself, my parents were once friendly and very caring people but now they became lunatics at their worst because they think I don’t know anything about life and putting me down with such disgusting remarks such as laziness, self-harm and everything I don’t know if i could ever completely trust them again. I have some friends but they are all boring and they would go after their own business, it sucks being neglected, I tried to be happy but its just so damn hard. To make matters worse, I have never been romantically involved with a girl, I talk to girls a lot of times but I just could never build a relationship and I tried everything, its been that way since the day I was born, same with finding a true friend, and i’m totally against strippers in gentlemens clubs I don’t want them ruining my life. I feel really pissed and i’m up against a wall and I truly need help, I feel nobody cars and i’m feeling hopeless and i’m out of ideas, please help.

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. It sounds like one of the main issues is a lack of connection to other people you feel you can trust. Are there any relatives–any aunts, uncles, or cousins–you could talk to about what you’ve been going through? It may seem like no one cares, but perhaps it’s just a matter of opening up to people to find the ones who do.

Happy

Your words were exactly what I needed at this moment. Thank you for inspiring me to choose to be happy for all the wonderful things I have rather than cry over other things that were really consuming me today. It’s going to be hard but I have already seen that I can stop myself from going into a depressed state by using these techniques and I will do my best to keep fighting the darkness off with the tools you provided. Thank you!!

I hardly ever read into blogs which i should because I’m a writer. I just wanted to comment and say that it’s ironic I came across this because I am at a crossroads in my life for the better. I am thinking so clearly on my life and my happiness, reading your words brought it even more so to life. Thank you for your wisdom and positive thoughts!

If i was skinny like the girl in the picture above then for sure I would be happy

Anonymous

I rationally know this.
My health is very good, with a fantastic job and a great (I think) apartment.
Yet I’m not happy most of the time. Most days smiling serves to hide unhappiness; my body now associates smiling with feeling numb.
I don’t remember joy, what is that?
My antidepressants stop me from jumping off my balcony, for that I am grateful. It does not matter where I live or what I do, it is the same.

I am so sorry to hear about the pain you’ve been in–but inspired that you’re able to feel gratitude in spite of it.

Have you tried other approaches to treat your depression–not necessarily instead of, but perhaps in conjunction with medication?

I was on a massive selection of pills for years, and I remember feeling numb as a result. What ultimately helped me was a combination of therapy, group therapy, and yoga/meditation. Once I made progress with those things, I started scaling back on the meds, and was eventually able to stop taking them altogether.

I’m in no way suggesting stopping your medication cold turkey, or stopping them against professional advice; just offering some food for thought in case you’re anything like me.

For me, the causes of my depression were deep rooted and medication acted as a band-aid. It was only when I looked underneath it that things started getting better.

Wowie! I like your post no end ! Well put , very well put.
Do read my blog too, which is on the same subject too.
And please do comment , if you do !

Pradeep G

Wowie! I like your post no end ! Well put , very well put.
Do read my blog too(http://togethappiness.blogspot.in/), which is on the same subject too.
And please do comment , if you do !

Pradeep G

I like your post no end ! Well put , very well put.
Do read my blog too which is on the same subject too.
And please do comment , if you do !http://togethappiness.blogspot.in/

imrana

iam in the same situation iam always jealous and angry iam driving my partner away. iam always expecting more from him. he says he cant make me happy any more.

Pramod

This is very true! Being happy or unhappy all depends on one’s mental attitude. If you want to be unhappy, you can be unhappy even if your life is perfect and if you want to be happy, you can be happy even if your life is not a perfect or ideal one.

Robb1972

Can i ask for some advice? I was recently diagnosed with Persistent Depression Syndrome. My psychologist also advises that due to negative treatment at the hands of abusive parents and wife, I have built an emotional wall to protect myself. I only seem to expression sadness, anger, and regret, and no other emotions (I really don’t know to be happy). Besides these steps listed here, how can I break down the walls I have up? I really would like to experience and learn to be happy. Any suggestions?

Robb

Hello All,

I need some help. I recently was diagnosed with Persistent Depression Syndrome. And my therapist has help me to realize that I the only emotions I seem to experience are Sadness (my normal mood) and angry. It appears that due to abusive parents, and physically and emotionally abusive wives, I have built a wall around myself, and it seems I don’t know how to be happy. Can anyone recommend a way that I might be able to learn how to be happy? My therapist wants to try “the empty chair method” to break down my emotional walls. Does any one have any additional recommendations?

I am so sorry to hear about the abuse you experienced growing up. As someone who’s also experienced depression after childhood trauma (and who formerly numbed my emotions) I know it isn’t easy to break through that.

The ropes and art therapy were part of a residential treatment program, so I’m not sure if that’s something you could find on an outpatient basis. Meditation and group therapy, however, will be much more accessible through a google search for groups in your area.

Incidentally, you may want to post this in the community forums, as well, as more people will see it there. It’s free to join here:

I’ve been in a slump for quite some time now. I’m 19 years old and am having a really difficult time trying to figure out what to do with my life. Every day I don’t get closer to figuring out what that is I feel that I am wasting it. I really needed this. Thank you so much for your comforting words.

I’m glad this was helpful to you, Kat. I remember when I was your age–I was also incredibly confused about my life direction. It wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I felt a sense of clarify.

For you it might happen much sooner, but perhaps it will help to keep in mind: you’re not “wasting time” until you figure out what you want to do. You are in the process of figuring it out.

As a friend told me many years ago, “Even if you don’t feel closer to what you want to do, you’re figuring out what you don’t want to do, and that’s progress!”

guest

I constantly thinking about dying. But I have 2 young children and 2 elder parents. What really kept me from doing it are my parents and my kids. I know if I did commit suicide, it’s like I have kill my mother with my own hands, and my kids. Who will take care of them? These thought actually kept from killing myself. But I am very unhappy. I have a job, but doesn’t gets pay on time, which have cause many financial problems. I keep trying to apply for other employment, but just never gets a respond. I have a husband who doesn’t love me. And I cannot make him happy. We barely talks, when we do, only about our kids. Never actually about each other. I told him about my though of dying, he asked me so why am I telling him this. He cannot help me. I have no one to turn to. I understand I need to think positively and be happy with what I have. I understand that I am actually very fortunate then most people. I tried to think all the positive things about my husband when things get bad. And I try to be happy when ever I can. But when I am alone, the negative thoughts always come back and constantly crying for no reasons. What am I to do? Please help….

I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. As someone who has struggled with depression, I understand how hard it can be to pull yourself out of the hole once you’ve fallen in. I know it may seem hard to believe now, but it doesn’t have to be this way forever–it can and will get better. All you need to do is take one tiny step to help yourself. Sharing yourself here is a great start.

Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? That could help a great deal in understanding the root cause of your pain and creating a plan to deal with the various challenges you’re facing. I don’t know where I’d be now if I hadn’t had extensive therapy when I was younger. It helped me understand that even if I couldn’t control my circumstances, i could control how I responded to them. And even if at times I felt stuck, I slowly started to learn that there is always a way out.

I know a lot of therapists offer a sliding scale for the fee (if your insurance doesn’t cover it). Is this something you’d consider looking into? And can you promise me that if you seriously consider taking your life, you will reach out to someone for help? You can find hotline numbers/resources here: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Hi, I’ve everything and at the same time nothing . I was very attached to my father and i lost him when i was 26, I was nothing at that time, i wanted to fulfill his dream but… after his death I became something. but no one is there to really happy for me. I loved one at 15 and married the same person and thought our relation will be very honest and i was always honest but many times he cheated me. we have two children boy and girl. I still love him and he also shows same to me but something is not recovered in our relation ship. My mother in law always want to dominate and want to change me like her. I was very happy with my job but due to children I left my job and now i’m house wife. my husband gives everything what I want but….. I want to do something for identity

I am so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. What do you think you want to do for identity? Is there anything you’re passionate about at the moment?

Lori

TARARI

I feel negativity from your comments. If your going through something that is painful or difficult try to open yourself to the good of the article. Others are just expressing their interpretation of it. Don’t focus on their every word. It’s about changing your mindset about your life (the good and bad) to a positive one. Peace,love and light x

sylvester

the thoughts are quite inspiring. worth following . lets see.

kerri

Wow so true. I am finally learning that interpretation is everything. That life is constant change, and I cannot ensure my wellbeing by controlling outside factors. Long hard lesson to learn and accept! But it’s brought me to learn appreciation for life right now and how that leads to more later, I had it backwards and in my fear and anxious approach to life I was screwing up my NOW and creating exactly what I feared. I am gradually feeling less fear and more freedom in taking resp. from the inside for myself and not depending on other people places or things for my happiness.

Izundu

Keep it up so many people are dying due to lack of happiness

Benera

I look for things to make me happy alout on the internet and nothing does. But this is great!!! I’m going to try to be happier from now on. Thank you so much!

Codi

I just ended up sadder

Ramdom

Thank you

Eric Korbly

Sounds like you better go down to the local childrens cancer ward & tell those little pessimists that they can be who ever they want to be & being sick from chemo is no excuse to not find joy in the moment, just because you had hair yesterday today without hair is a new opportunity. Find the joy. What a load. Clogged it.

Frances Panico

It sounds like you are setting a good example for someone you Love ! You are a blessed person. Blessed with patients and you will lead by example which is the best way to become contagious. You will see your wife come around you all the positive it becomes contagious! This happens to be true in most cases! I think you’re doing a fantastic job and you’re not giving up!
I have studied social behavior and works as a teacher and the medical field as a teacher so I see the goodness in you ,by the words you speak! Don’t give up he’s smiling things will get better your wife will see your changing and she will hopefully get it through your positive attitude!
Sincerely,
Smile all though you’re heart is aching!

Suzel V

Wow thank you for this!

Mag

I’m sure I would have found this article helpful if I was capable of just magically becoming happy because I’ve decided to be. As it is, though, it’s just more reasons for me to feel bad for not being able to “just” make myself happy.

Guest

I got

j

This is exactly what I needed right now. Thank you and I will pass it on to someone else I know really needs to read these words.

Lydia laures

I am out here to spread this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex love back. I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when I meet a friend that introduce me to DR Olawole the great messenger to the whole world who God has given him the grace to help people in their relationships, I narrated my problem to DR Olawole about how my ex love left me and also how I needed to get a job in a very big company. He only said to me that i have come to the right place were I will be getting my heart desire without any side effect. He told me what i need to do, After it was been done, In the next 2 days, My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness, I was called for an interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director.. I am so happy and overwhelmed that I have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR Olawole at the following email address and get all your problem solve.. No problem is too big for him to solve. Contact him direct on: ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com And get your problems solve like me….. ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com﻿II will not stop sharing his name because he done a very great job for me now my mind is full of happiness

Stephanie

Yes! So simple but so easy to forget when we’re overloaded.

distressed

Hello,
I am not sure if anyone can help me at this time. I am sooo confused in my life right now. Nothing makes me happy, I have no motivation for anything, I dont even want to talk to people. How can I get past this. I cannot stand it.

distressed

I feel like crying every single moment of the day

divya

True

Michael Osei

I love this…

hr

i would like to say Lori Deschene has presented a good facts that are really helpful for everyone,from infants to old.At present people are obsessed with social media and trying to find happiness in it.

The basic thumb rule everyone is missing in todays world is enjoy the present moment rather than worrying about tomorrow.It helps in reducing stress and depression.

Being optimistic will help a lot in daily life,which will make you even more healthier and converts every obstacle into oppurtunity.

Tareq

Of course everyone has a goal in life, an aim that wants to attain, and there’s nothing more beautiful than waking up to do more!
It’s the secret key to happiness, it’s deep within you! You are the key to the lock you hold! Life can be so beautiful and full of tasks that you want to achieve and if you don’t give yourself that motivation, then you won’t bother trying to wake up! The ego strives for that motivation and when you find it, you will feel so happy and when you embrace that happiness, you will want more and that’s where you’ll become more egoistic…
Spirituality is the utmost aim, that only ladder for that is peace. To find peace you should find happiness. Maybe yoga can do you so. Maybe singing. Drawing or writing. Once you love what you’re doing and feel happy about what you’re doing and embrace that happiness for the sake of the utmost aim, that happiness will then justify the egoistic end, but the further end is spiritual. Rather than trying hard and fighting, everything should be smooth and harmonious. You should flow through every way taken to spirituality, and that’s how you float into the universe’s utopia.
Namaste, Tareq.

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