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Paper talk gets Oldham talking.

Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez is on the brink of landing £10million Dirk Kuyt after wearing down Feyenoord’s resistance with no fewer than four bids for the Holland striker.

Anfield sources believe Benitez will finally get his man in the next 48 hours after bombarding reluctant sellers Feyenoord with a series of part-exchange proposals that involved keeper Jerzy Dudek and right back Jan Kromkamp.

With Kuyt, who is 26 on Saturday, making it clear he favours a move to the Premiership, and placing Anfield ahead of Newcastle as his preferred destination, Feyenoord appear on the point of caving in after allowing him to miss training and leaving him off the team picture for the new season.

(There’s much more in the full story, but that gives you the idea. It’s not my place to say how true the Daily Mail’s story is, but let’s say I’d believe them before any Newcastle season ticket holder with a drink problem).

Just after 10am, he crosses over from his own house (where he and his wife used to live) to his mam’s house and walks to her shed. He switches on his pc and looks first of all at this blog. He finds it’s not just a bad dream and so logs on as “Koptalkinsider.coN” on his rapidly declining Insider website. Quick stretch of the chubby fingers, then it’s straight on to today’s first piece of fiction…

As you are aware there was one pencilled in last week. That was put off by 7 days due to the Italian saga. That medical has now been pencilled in for this week and should take place before the weekend.

More when we have it.
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(“More when we have it” = “More when have made it up or read it elsewhere”)
Dunk goes off to another small room in his mum’s house and reads his copy of the S*n. Some time later he returns and checks this blog. Still nothing. Disappointed, he logs in as “wallet”, one of his favourite aliases. Time for some more fiction he thinks. A typical ploy of Dunk’s is to look at some facts floating around, chuck them all up in the air, and then make a rumour up out of whatever lands on the floor. He always posts these made up stories as an alias. I may be wrong, but “wallet” is an alias that had not been seen in months until recently, and when “he” appeared he still had a sig dedicated to Lauren. Probably the only one left on Koptalk. (Dunk forgot to change it).

Having waited for the Italian ruling to be revealed it appears Rafa will not be able to get Trezeguet on the cheap. The asking price is apparantly as much as £10m in cash upfront and his wage demands are steep to say the least. Trezeguet expressed a desire to make a permanent move only and is keen to make a move to Anfield (taking a cut in wages) but it is believed that Rafa has heard enough on this one.

From meeting wth the agent Antonio (somebody) it was stated that the player was happy to join us (as is the case) and some negotiation would be required re wages (as is the case). This was before the ruling and before Juve quoted a fee. (Read my Agent meeting post of last week). I believe Trez represented better value for money at that point than Dirk but maybe this is not the case based on Juves demands. Paying for a player in one cash installment must be unheard of these days – unless it’s Chelsea involved!!

People still believe him, but we’ll let them all know in the end. Dunk’s at least trying to disguise his writing style now – but not doing too good a job of it. He leaves clues, but we’ll not help him out by telling him what they are. Apart from the complete lack of fact in 99.9% of what he says.
Then a rare poster called “red1” pops up to ask a question. Probably another of Dunk’s aliases but seeing as it’s only been used to post stuff 35 times in two and a half years it’s hard to tell. Dunk needs hits, and he needs to get discussion going for that to happen, so this is a good way for him to do it.

red1
Gold Member
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Reged: 28/02/04
Posts: 35

come on Dunk give us some info on this Kuyt article
#1555015 – 18/07/06 01:06 PM

is there any truth to this story at all? we had a little snipet from wallet but i am not convinced about his sources. so what’s really going on??????
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whitters
Gold Member
**
Reged: 06/10/05
Posts: 304

I think Dunk is busy investigating as there hasnt been much put on here by him the last few days!!! I reckon he will appear back with some mega exiting news! Am i right Dunk?
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DunkAdministrator
KopTalk Editor
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Reged: 20/08/04
Posts: 8440

Quote:
I think Dunk is busy investigating as there hasnt been much put on here by him the last few days!!! I reckon he will appear back with some mega exiting news! Am i right Dunk?

Well we are due a medical this week. But it hasn’t been confirmed.

The good news is that everytime there’s a press conference called I will be given advance warning now. Sometimes that can be 24 hours, sometimes that can be 3 hours.

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Matthew 5:38
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And as sure as night follows day or clogged arteries follow too much pie-scoffing, bullshit follows previous bullshit. We pointed out Dunk’s bull from yesterday, he adds some more.

We are always due a medical Dunk. Let’s face it, you were planning to spend all last week, Sunday to Sunday, in the North West. Splitting your time between Manchester and Liverpool airports, and also no doubt popping in for a brew at Chrissie Waddle’s house a few times. The one you said was in Melwood. Now we all know you had no intention of going to the North West, and that you had no idea whether there’d be any new signings or not. We also knew you’d engineer any new signing stories into “as Koptalk revealed” as soon as you saw the announcements. A bit like this Kuyt stuff really.

As for saying you’ll be given advance warning of press conferences at Liverpool FC – the only way this will happen is if some injunction has been served which prohibits you from going anywhere near any LFC establishments when press conferences are due to take place. Or is that what’s happened?

Can you also imagine Rafa explaining this to reporters as the transfer window draws to a close? “Rafa is a week to 2 weeks behind on where he wants to be in terms of transfers. This has been caused by Sevilla and the Italian match-fixing.” Even Dunk’s bullshit is falling behind in quality – it was once fairly believable if you took it with a pinch or three of salt. Now there’s not enough salt in the North Sea to take his stories with.

The funniest part of that last post is that Dunk waited a whole 12 minutes to see if anyone else (except his “red1” alias) would ask extra questions. Nobody was biting, so he posted as himself. As he was posting though someone else did. He’d have been able to save himself a job.

As for this – “Latest I’ve heard is that Parry will go to Italy this week but that he’ll hold a 1-2-1 with Rafa midweek to decide who to pull the plug on. Time’s running out now and we need to get things in order.” – you’ve heard nothing Oldham. Absolutely jack.

Apart from that voice in your head. Is that who “Cropper” is – your imaginary enemy? (Most kids have imaginary friends, Dunk has imaginary enemies to go with his real ones).

8 Responses to “Paper talk gets Oldham talking.”

“I’m told that Rafa is a week to 2 weeks behind on where he wants to be in terms of transfers.”

A few days ago he said “1 week”. That week is now running out so he adds another – just to be sure. Rafa is such a slackard – he’s lost 7 more days in just 3. Still its good to know he’s keeping the pie man from Newcastle fully informed not only of his every move but also of his thoughts. I bet even Parry is not so -well informed.

chapeau, do you reckon he’s got one of those bullshit bingo things? he called whispers and sniffing around at the weekend and he just needed “penciled in” and “more when we have it” to get a full house?

haha think you are right barry. He must have another version too, the Bullshit Bingo Sympathy Edition. I think “jealousy from former banned members”, “goes with the territory”, “Threats against my family” and “feel like packing it in” is good enough for four corners.