Modesty around your son. When did this become such an issue?

Emma - posted on 03/29/2011
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24 moms have responded
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This is something as a mom id never really thought twice about until talking to a friend the other day. I have always been fairly open around my kids and have never really had an issue with being nude infront of either of them. I dont mean dancing around the house naked.lol i mean everyday things such as undressing and showering etc.Infact i think its healthy for them to see a female body and it is a good time to answer any of there body questions. My friend is the total opposite and although her boys are of similar age to mine she said she would be embarrssed if they saw her nude. I really dont see the issue my boys know that me and there sister are different to them and they know that mom has boobs ect. I know this will change as they get older but i will take my ques from them.

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DAWN - posted on 03/31/2011

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I am a child protective services worker. Though I will admit that case workers can be subjective about things, laws are clear and there is no law that says a child can't see his/her parents naked. (unless the police can prove that the parent was getting sexual gratification from this) I can't imagine anyone getting upset about a child under 5 saying something about seeing Mommy naked. I certainly wouldn't think anything about it. I can't say someone wouldn't misunderstand and it would be a hassle for you but, please don't let the fear of CPS change the way you parent. Unless you are harming your child physically, sexually or emotionally, you have nothing to worry about.

I think there is no set "rules" about your child seeing you undressed or vice versa. At some point it becomes uncomfortable for both of you and that's that. I would get undressed around my son much longer than some of my friends. Some made a point to stop when the child was 2 or 3. I just never felt weird and neither did he. In fact, I used to joke that I was discouraging future pre-marital sex b/c he would never want to see a naked girl after seeing me. :-) Anyway, when he was around 6 or so, we started being more careful around eachother. Just a slow, natural process. Now my daughter (7) has never seen my husband naked. (since she was about 2). Again, no set rules, just what made them comfortable. My daughter, now, is the only one who runs around our house naked and I'm not sure she'll ever stop. :-) Do what makes you feel comfortable.

All I can say is being a preschool worker in the past your children can raise a few eye brows with the things they say. In todays society we are all on the look out for child abuse and such and something as innocent as watching mummy getting dressed can be turned into something really ugly. It is just todays society I am afraid. I think there comes a point when you should be dressing away from your sons but that time can only be decided by you.

I think the 'right' age depends entirely on the family. I have twin 9 year old girls and a 3 year old son. All 3 of them are currently 'nudists' at home and tend to see me naked on a regular (if not daily) basis. I don't stroll around the house naked or anything, but we have a small home and an 'open door' policy... so it happens. IMO, nudity is only as big of a deal as you make it and if anyone is uncomfortable.... that's when it ends.

Kids will take their cue from their surrounding though. The more you are fine with nudity, the less modest your kids will be. Part of it is we have gone buck wild over things these days. I got into a heated argument the other day with a friend because I took a naked photo of my 2 year old. According to her I was putting the child as risk, even though all you can see is her butt. When I grew up in the 70's it was common to still romp around nude until 9-11 and not one made a stink about it.

Of course when they were babies and toddlers it was not an issue to me however now that they are older it is now. When my oldest became 5 he did not see me undressed. I always made sure I was wearing underwear and had a towel nearby should he present himself to me when I thought he was downstairs. I keep the bedroom door closed now so I can hear him knock and I can be prepared for him. No I do not want my sons to see me in the altogether.

i have 4 kids... 2 of each gender. Recently we got a pool. As we live quite isolated, we often go for a nudie swim.... no big deal... girls got girl bits, boys got boy bits! the older children know it is polite to maintain eye contact and the younguns will learn that in time.... it is just a naked body, every one got one!!!

At one year old?! Really? Um... ok. Do you have any idea how many little boys were breastfed to 2,3, 4, and older w/out absolutely NO 'mommy' issues? I don't actually have a number for that, but to draw the line at a one year old just seems absolutely absurd to me.

I would have to say that if the child is old enough to talk and ask questions...then that should be the end of dressing/undressing in front of them. If they start noticing you naked and staring, they've become curious. It's usually best not to continue after that because they will most likely retain that image in their brains..and they will become curious to 'see' you naked again, hence one mom stated her son was trying to catch glimpses. If you feel there is no issue changing in front of your 9 year old because he doesn't point and laugh..well he's at an older stage in his life and perhaps he stayed quiet as other things were going through his mind.. at that age they are starting their first sexual curiosity like wet dreams etc..You don't know how you could be scarring him...or if you already have. I truly don't mean this as an attack.. but put the pieces together! just because you don't see a problem or your child doesn't say anything doesn't mean it's OK....This isn't meant to trash anyone. Just imagine for theoretical sake that one of your children (older than 7) became aroused about their mother and started having thoughts in such a way..Imagine how difficult it would be for him to deal with something like that growing up..how could he get help? who could he tell-it would be SO embarrassing! he may then start self-loathing and have so many problems with his self esteem... Something you may think is 'harmless' or 'natural' sure, could be in the animal kingdom but not as human beings. I say draw the line after 1 year old. Ladies please think about it next time!!! Sorry if this sounds really disgusting but I have heard about stuff like this and that is why it is wrong to undress in front of children.

I would have to say that if the child is old enough to talk and ask questions...then that should be the end of dressing/undressing in front of them. If they start noticing you naked and staring, they've become curious. It's usually best not to continue after that because they will most likely retain that image in their brains..and they will become curious to 'see' you naked again, hence one mom stated her son was trying to catch glimpses. If you feel there is no issue changing in front of your 9 year old because he doesn't point and laugh..well he's at an older stage in his life and perhaps he stayed quiet as other things were going through his mind.. at that age they are starting their first sexual curiosity like wet dreams etc..You don't know how you could be scarring him...or if you already have. I truly don't mean this as an attack.. but put the pieces together! just because you don't see a problem or your child doesn't say anything doesn't mean it's OK....This isn't meant to trash anyone. Just imagine for theoretical sake that one of your children (older than 7) became aroused about their mother and started having thoughts in such a way..Imagine how difficult it would be for him to deal with something like that growing up..how could he get help? who could he tell-it would be SO embarrassing! he may then start self-loathing and have so many problems with his self esteem... Something you may think is 'harmless' or 'natural' sure, could be in the animal kingdom but not as human beings. I say draw the line after 1 year old. Ladies please think about it next time!!! Sorry if this sounds really disgusting but I have heard about stuff like this and that is why it is wrong to undress in front of children.

I think Dawn is right that too many people stop parenting because of fear that CPS will be notified. I know I dont spank my children because others perceptions that a slap on the butt is child abuse. I on the other hand warn my kids that they will be disciplined at home.

I have to agree with the preschool teacher, in today's society if your child should say "i watch mommy get naked" at school, someone may call social services or child protective services........whichever one you have there, i would start being more careful, i wouldn't want you getting into trouble

My 4 yr old still will watch me undress. He likes to tell me that I don't have a peepee just 2 butts. lol However, 10 yr old I no longer feel comfortable undressing around. He actually has been caught trying to gatch a glimpse here and there. So now he knows to knock before entering. I give him the same respect too because he gets embarassed now if I see him naked.

Hi Emma, my son made the decision for me. He was 6 and I was taking a bath with the door open. I do that so I can hear my 3 year old and she can come in a play with me if she wants to. Well Tyler walked and said "Oh gross." So that was the end of that. {:+)shannin tipton

My son is abit older now(nearly 9) so things are a little bit less relaxed but it just depends on how comfortable you are. Just the other week i took my son to the local pool during my lunch break for abit of mom son bonding time. When we got out is was really busy and i needed to get back to work so instead of hanging around for 2 cubicles he came in with me. There was no pointing giggling or anything like that we changed out of our swimsuits. I just think that its really nice to have a relationship with your son that you feel comfortable to do that in that situation.

My son is abit older now(nearly 9) so things are a little bit less relaxed but it just depends on how comfortable you are. Just the other week i took my son to the local pool during my lunch break for abit of mom son bonding time. When we got out is was really busy and i needed to get back to work so instead of hanging around for 2 cubicles he came in with me. There was no pointing giggling or anything like that we changed out of our swimsuits. I just think that its really nice to have a relationship with your son that you feel comfortable to do that in that situation.