Tag Archives: life crisis

Take a moment right now to take stock of your current life. Are you inspired? Does every aspect of your life align with what you authentically want and value? Do you wake up most days and think: “Pinch me! Is this really my life?”. Or have you been feeling a little less enthused or frustrated with one or more aspects of your life lately? Read on to learn how to get a life that inspires you and how to start the journey today.

How to get a life that inspires you

Most people are conditioned to believe they need to achieve things to be successful. That the job will make them happy. Or the relationship. Or more money. Most people learn to be externally gratified. It’s ingrained in our culture. We learn to feel good about ourselves when we receive external gratification and this happens from a very young age. We feel happy with ourselves when we achieve the A+ grade. Or because we have a certain brand of clothing. Or because we look a certain way, or live in a specific area.

Thinking this way will certainly land you into a life that may look “successful” but isn’t fulfilling. It’s possible to be successful and not fulfilled. This happens when you’re focused on what you need to achieve and not from a place of considering: “What do I want to EXPERIENCE in my life?”

Being fulfilled is an emotional experience. So the best way to build a life that inspires you, one that you love, is to consider what you want from an experiential level versus thinking using your rational mind. Before you go after what you think you want, you want to shut down your rational thinking process (your left brain thinking) and tune into your emotional side (your right brain thinking).

What you can do today to move closer to your dream life…

Step 1: Decide what you want using your right brain thinking processes and your emotions to guide you

The key to building a life you love is to key into your deep desires and passions, and once again, to think from an emotional level by asking the question: “What do I want to experience?”

You can turn your rational thinking processes down by daydreaming. Imagine what you want in all areas of your life. Take some quiet time to think by yourself. Ask yourself “What do I want to experience in my career?…relationships?…physical health?… And then, daydream about what you want. Step into what you think you’d like to experience in your mind. Start to build a framework. Really try to feel what it would be like to be in your future, experiencing what you want.

You’ll get excited. You’ll get moved deeply. You’ll feel emotionally ignited when you start to build a future that inspires you. When you feel excited and moved by something you imagine it’s a signal that this is something you’d really like to experience and a goal you should move towards.

Here’s the incredible thing about visualizing: Your brain doesn’t know the difference between you imagining doing something and actually physically doing it! This means, you could take a bite of a juicy orange fresh from a tree or imagine it and you would salivate. Your brain goes through the same mental processes.

So, seeing a future you want is the first step to deciding what you really want. Once you know in your heart what excites you and a goal you want to move towards then you can do the next most important step.

Step 2: Get rational and realistic about where you are and what you need to do next

Once you’ve imagined and explored what you want (in as specific terms as possible) and you’ve decided on what it is, then you need to get realistic about it. When you think rationally, you’ll pull your left brain thinking processes back into the picture. This is an important part of the process because now you start to see how your dreams could be realized in reality.

At this point, it’s time to consider where you’d like to be in the near future – the goals you’d like to achieve – and contrast it with where you are now. It’s important to evaluate where you are and where you’d like to get to using measurable and specific variables.

For instance, let’s say you want to lose 15 lbs in three months. If you’re 200 lbs now, then within 15 lbs to have met your goal you’d be 185 lbs. Once you have measurements you’ll need to ask yourself: “What structures do I need to put in to realize this goal?”

In this case, perhaps you’d need to enroll in a fitness class or learn new ways to eat.Consider what you need and schedule in times to take the actions that will get you the result you want.

Creating a structure – planning, scheduling work – is critical to achieving what you want with velocity. So write your thoughts down. Start to build a framework. Set aside a bit of time (30 minutes is really all you need) of quiet time to plan and review your plan each week.

Step 3: Take action

Do you spend more time thinking about what you want to achieve or taking the actions to actually get it? Most people get too caught up in introspection – thinking about what they might want or what happened in the past – versus getting into action.

Remember that actions = results. No action = no results!

Once you start taking action towards your dreams – even if it’s a very minor action – you’ll start to get excited and feel amazing. At that point, you’ll feel more energized and compelled to take more actions.

Taking action is also the fastest way to know if your plan works. Are you doing the right things to get what you want or do you need to change it up? It’s also important that you notice what you’re doing and if it’s working or not. A great strategy always involves reviewing and tweaking. Use action as a metric to rate your progress.

Step 4: Be persistent, stay committed and keep your “eye on the prize”

How do you be persistent? Well, it’s starts with deeply wanting your dream. When you know to 100% that you want to achieve a dream, to experience an aspect of your life in a specific way then it’ll be harder for you not to go after your dream. You’ll feel compelled. Anytime you consider quitting you’ll get more determined.

When you’re working towards achieving a dream and you’re in the process of building, it’s most important you keep yourself motivated by focusing daily on the outcomes you’re committed to achieving. What is it that you want? More importantly, WHY do you want it? What’s the reason you’re doing all this?

It helps to create a “Why List”. Write down all the reasons you want what you want. Make it exhaustive. Do this at the beginning when you decide you want something. Anytime you don’t feel motivated you can go back to your list. You can remind yourself of why you are doing what you’re doing. This will help fuel you into action. It will help you stay focused and committed.

Let’s say you’re working to get a startup off the ground and that the potential of the startup will make a difference for the world and make you millions. But let’s say you find yourself one day feeling really negative about everything you’re day. Maybe you’ve been working on this start up for three years. Maybe you’re uncertain it will ever go the way you want. Well, in that moment it’s critical you reflect on why you’re doing what you’re doing.

What are the reasons you want what you want? Maybe you want millions so you can build a family or be involved in more projects that change the world. Maybe at the point you’re at, you simply like money so you can afford a better way of life? Consider all the whys. Make an exhaustive list. This will help you stay motivated.

We are meant to be inspired by our lives. We are meant to make a difference. We are meant to contribute. Realizing all this starts with you. It’s starts with you being fulfilled. It starts with you saying: “That’s it. I’m living this life and putting my fulfillment first.”

Being inspired is what life’s all about. If you’re not fulfilled or working towards what you want you’re stagnating. Remember that progress = happiness. When you’re moving towards what you want you’ll feel invigorated and fulfilled. Start today. Getting a life that inspires you starts now and it starts with you.

The first action might be just to do Step 1 of this list. Then, keep going. You got this. And your dreams are possible.

Feeling lost in your 20s? You can free yourself quickly and maybe quicker than you think. The tips below may inspire you to take some new actions so you can get yourself to a place of feeling better fast.

Feeling lost in your 20s is kind of normal

Feeling lost in your 20s is (unfortunately) part of the process

If you’re feeling lost you might be feeling embarrassed about it, or like you’re being ridiculous. Aren’t the 20s supposed to be some of the best years of your life? You’ve got a bright future ahead of you. You’ve got your youth. And most 20-year olds are also in great physical health. You should be feeling grateful and excited not feeling lost. Right?

The answer to that is: NO! Feeling lost in your 20s is part of the process. You’re still figuring your life out. Most 20-year olds don’t have it all together. Most have bouts of uncertainty about their direction in life. Take a moment to tell yourself to breathe and chill out. It’s okay to be feeling lost in your 20s. It’s also not that hard to find yourself again.

Here’s why you are feeling lost in your 20s…

Statistically, the occurrence of feeling lost in your 20s is growing rapidly. This is due to a variety of factors but the biggest reason is the Internet. It has changed the way people live and work globally. It’s opened up so many pathways of opportunity. If you’re in you’re 20s your bound to be confused and more than previous generations were.

You’d think having more options would be a good think. You’d think it would give you freedom but that’s not true. Options complicate things. Too much information coming at you warps your energy. It makes you confused. This is why feeling lost in your 20s is a growing experience. There’s a name for it: The Quarter Life Crisis. And you can experience a quarter life crisis anywhere form 20-40 and multiple times!

Feeling lost in your 20s can feel isolating because you think you shouldn’t feel that way. Most people don’t share openly about feeling lost which is why it’s not often talked about. But feeling lost is 100% normal. So take that too heart. It might help to remember that you’re not alone.

How to free yourself when you’re feeling lost in your 20s….

Accept the process

The first thing to do when you’re feeling lost in your 20s is to accept that feeling lost happens. It’s happening to you now. It will likely happen again. Periods of feeling lost is a human experience. Life is not perfect. There are ebbs and flow to the journey. When you’re lost, simply consider that you’re in an ebb period and you’re on your way to clarity. It will come. This time will pass. The way you feel will pass. It’s inevitable.

After you normalize what you’re going through by owning that this is part of the process for everyone then you can take some actions to feel better as soon as possible, gain clarity and jump back into action.

Ask yourself these questions…

It might be time for you to ask yourself some deeper questions about your role in this world and what you want to do with your life. When you answer these questions it will help you formulate future you’d like to see yourself achieve. When you decide what you want and you begin taking action you’ll feel much better. The questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling lost in your 20s are:

1) What do you want your life to be about?

2) What you want to contribute to this world?

3) What do you want to experience in life?

These are the questions to start to consider. You may have some answers. Or you may not. It doesn’t matter whether you have answers or not. What matters is that you start to think and get curious about these things. Start exploring and researching options conceptually. Start visualizing your future and thinking about what you’d like it to contain.

What do you love to do now?

What are you passionate about?

Answer these questions and start taking actions in that direction. Let your passions, your heart, your deep desires lead you and figure out how to fit the rational pieces in. For instance, if you want to be a musician go be a musician! But if you also want to make money figure out how to combine those two things. The easiest way is to find someone who is doing what you want to do. Start learning, start modeling them. It’s definitely a place to start. But remember: Passion first, logistics second.

Do lots of different things

Explore. Dip your toe in new experiences. Think about what you’d like to do and try. Then, take ACTION. Go try them. Test the waters. The sooner you are able to discern what you want and don’t want the sooner you’ll see a clear path. Don’t stay in your box. Get outside yourself! You’re options are limited by what you know. And so, be in the pursuit of gaining new knowledge. It will give you an edge. It will help you see the direction you want to go in.

Go to work on you

In a world that conditions us that success is about external validation, the best thing you can do at this time in your life is go to work on you. Learn how to communicate like a master. Discover how to become influential. Learn how to control your emotions. This is what truly gives you the power in life to do anything.

Emotional intelligence training – focusing on building your personal skills of thinking and communication – will allow you to achieve anything you want. When you work on your own personal power you take that power everywhere you go. You experience a new way of living. You learn what success really is.

Tap into the resources around you, seek out new ones. Learn how to generate ideas. Discover how make money from ideas (aka build businesses)

And then, learn how to shift your emotions so when you feel bad you can flip the switch to feeling good. It’s powerful and it will give you strength when you are confused and feeling lost in your 20s.

Okay, so you’re at a point in your life where you’re feeling lost. And, you are stuck and don’t know how to find yourself again. Feeling lost sucks because it is emotionally excruciating. But, there is some really good news about finding yourself in Nowheresville. First of all, it’s totally normal. So take a moment now to breathe a sigh of relief.

The even better news is feeling lost is useful. This is because feeling lost usually comes before feeling found. Before becoming a new you. Before learning something profound and moving into a new (and usually much better) stage of your life. It’s part of the evolution of you living your best life.

You can’t avoid feeling lost. It will happen to you at least once and probably many times over the course of your life. It’s inevitable. Though, feeling lost is less painful when you know how to handle it. So read on to learn what a feeling lost crisis is about, and how to free yourself. Read on to learn how to find yourself again.

Feeling lost? Here’s why…

When you feel lost in life the first thing you’ll do is ask yourself: Why do I feel lost? People desperately need to know WHY. It’s part of the machinery of being human. We’re inquisitive. And we become especially so when we find ourselves in a negative emotional funk. This is because we are desperate to get out of it. We think if we can figure out WHY then we can easily solve our problem of feeling lost.

Below are some of the varied theories on the experience of feeling lost. The the more concrete neuroscience explanation follows. However, these reasons may help you think a bit more objectively about your current situation so you can gain some quick relief.

Popular theories on feeling lost that may make you feel better

You’re getting closer to becoming your authentic self and having what you really want in life

Many spiritual leaders call periods of feeling lost the “the dark night of the soul”. It happens when you are thwarted in achieving what you want and you don’t know what to do next. You are in a space of shedding the you you were. You’re heading towards a new phase of life. So you’re in a dark place. You’re in an in-between phase. Inevitably it will pass. The “dark night of the soul” theory suggests the only thing to do is wait the period out and it will pass. The negative feelings are like a purging you have to go through. But it’s good as it will have you become a stronger deeper person and the next evolution of you will unfold.

You’re on the verge of a breakthrough!

A more progressive life performance coach approach to feeling lost would say that it’s just “the breakdown before the breakthrough”. You have to get what doesn’t work before you get what does. Feeling lost is part of the process of feeling found. When you feel lost you’re in a breakdown mode. This will inevitably lead to a breakthrough. So feeling lost is good news because you’re on the brink of clarity!

It’s part of the natural ebb and flow of life

A Buddhist would say feeling lost is totally normal and part of the natural ebb and flow in life. Buddhists talk about impermanence. Life naturally goes through ups and downs. And once again the down comes before the up. You have to feel lost before learning how to find yourself again!

For the 20 somethings and 30 somethings reading this….

Feeling lost can happen at any stage of life however people experience more feeling lost during the 20s and 30s. This is because you’re at a point in life where you’re defining who you are. There’s even a name for it: The quarter life crisis.

The psychology behind feeling lost and why it feels so terrible

If I interviewed a group of people that were all experiencing a sense of “feeling lost” the reasons I’d get back would be varied. The reasons could range from: “I don’t know what to do with my career” to “I can’t figure out what my purpose in life is” or “my partner left me and I can’t find anyone to share my life with”.

Feeling lost is a subjective experience. People use different words to describe it. Depending on your external circumstances and your stage of life your reason will be different than your neighbor down the street.

But beneath the layers of reasons anyone gives there are only two possible core issues at play. Think of your reasons as branches on a tree with a bigger, deeper issue at the root.

Feeling lost – Root of the problem #1: You have a vision you have for your life but you have no damn clue how to achieve it

Quite often feeling lost happens when you’ve tried to get what you want for a long time and been thwarter. You may have even gotten quite creative about finding new ways to have what you want and failed. When life doesn’t go the way you plan (and if it’s been many times) you go into a space of, “Shit. What now?”. You then start to question everything.

If you’re feeling lost right now you may easily be able to tell me what it is, deep down, that you really want. You have a big dream but you have no clue what to do to get it so your next actions to take are muddy. You are paralyzed because you simply have no idea what to do to get to where you want to be.

When you don’t know how to get what you want you then start to question if you even want it! You start to consider new options for your life. You start to consider taking totally new pathways. This can leave you feeling even more confused. Even more in the dark. Even more stuck unable to feel confident about taking any new actions and to move forward.

Feeling lost – Root of the problem #2: You haven’t decided what you want your future to look like

When you look into the future and ask yourself what you want, if your answer is: “I don’t know” then you’re lost because you haven’t decided what you want and therefore are not taking action and not moving forward. This often happens when your circumstances change suddenly or without your desire for them to change. For instance, being fired from a job or breaking up with a long-term partner.

Remember this: The future your heading towards is always dictating how you feel in the now and the actions you will take now.

So, if you haven’t decided where you’re going, you won’t be going anywhere. Once again, you’re paralyzed. It’s like having a treasure map with no X marks the spot on it. If you have nowhere to get to then you have no reason to do anything.

When you’re not clear about what you want to achieve and do next in your life you’ll feel horrendous, because you’re paralyzed around your next actions. You simply don’t know what to do. When o are in this state you can’t possibly find yourself again.

The truth about both versions of feeling lost

Happiness is linked to progress. When you’re progressing – taking action towards what you want – you will feel good. When you’re stuck in a place of “I don’t know what to do next” you’ll feel bad.

So, when you are in a space in life where you aren’t sure what to do next you’re in limbo. You’re stuck in an in between place of what you were doing and had wanted and you haven’t decided what’s next.

How to put an end to feeling lost and find yourself again

The most basic pathway out of both modes of feeling lost is to DECIDE what to do and then go DO it. That sounds easier than it is. Because often your unclear or afraid of the unknown and it messes with your ability to decide. You’ll likely find yourself to external support systems for guidance. Wisdom from people in your life (or on the web) can help you but no one can decide for you.

In order to decide you’ll need to go internal. You’ll need to consult with yourself and ask yourself some deep questions. You’ll need to consider what you’d like your future to look like and how to get there from where you are. Then, you’ll need to decide on some safe actions you can take now that won’t ruin what you have built.