From the journal of life – Sweet, Spicy and at times bitter..

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Category Archives: Culture & Religion

…..is what everyone are up to nowadays,esp when it comes to naming their kids. Short, beautiful,different and uncommon are few of the criteria.And why not? Our little darlings definitely deserve their public identity to be unique .But sometimes, the race behind uniqueness yields a different result.

‘Z’ is the trend of the season.Most of the newly born girls are christened Zahra,Zehra,Zaira,Zaara,Saira,Saara,Sarah…and sometimes Ziyan for a change.

Bollywood influence cannot be neglected either.After Fiza(the movie) released,the girls were – Fiza, Fida or Farah. And ever since Fanaa(the movie) all the newly born boys are baptized Ryan,Rayan,Rayyan,Rehan,Rehaan,Reyhaan and other variations of these. This season has not ended so far and is likely to continue until such a subtle yet beautiful name comes in another movie.No doubt this is a beautiful name and I too wanted to name my boy the same.But I was late to marry and lots of them in my age had noticed the name,so by the time we had a baby the name had become too common.Luckily we had a girl,so it wasnt tough.

Back at my hometown, all my Hindu friends have their girls named as Gowri or Gayathri. Most of the hansome lil ones are Aditya, Adarsh or Abhinav.

Just cant stop imagining a class of Zahra’s and Rehan’s and Gowri’s filling the attendance sheet 🙂

‘Z’ is what my name begins with,and it gave me lotta troubles at school.Wait patiently till the 89th call for attendance, wait another 2 more weeks for the text book stock would be over by the 80th student,and so and so..But I always loved my name going Zzzzzz 🙂

My relatives chose their twins the rhyming names – Diya and Dua.Very pretty names as much as the kids are.But it didnt stop the parents.To avoid confusion at home,they chose two nicknames – Chikku and Jikku 🙂 Yeah!!That indeed avoids confusion. Another couple has named their kids Zahra(girl) and Zahran(boy).There is a commotion when they are called as no one knows who is being addressed 🙂

A beautiful girl I met at the mall nearby was named Maha.I had not come across the name before,and was curious about the meaning.Did some googling.It meant Wild Cow with large eyes 🙂

A girl friend and her bro were born on April and October respectively and are named Aprilmol and Octobril 🙂 Easy right?

Note:I mean no offense to anyone.All the names above are marvelous.But if it has hurt you in some way,please forgive.

All the job interviews that I attended had this question.It made me want to run away, not because I din’t have an answer,but because my answer was different from the usual. The question was simple,”Who is your role model?”.Oh!!This one has been following me for long – To start with school, then friends, then interviews, then office meetings, … So out of compulsion I bluffed

Well, all my friends had one. Some had genuine reasons, while some of them made it up (just like me). All of them had their own reasons for the choice,and most of them made sense.

– One who make us think and possess the qualities that we would like to have

– One from whom we could draw inspiration to be a better individual

– One who help others and make time for others

– One who do the things we want to do and bring our dreams close to reality

– One who evidently made a difference and stand out in the crowd

– One who shows a healthy behaviour and respected by the society

– One who says and do what they say,…..

There were celebrities, politicians, writers, teachers, athletes, and heroes from the history. But it need not necessarily be a known figure too, for a huge percentage, chose their own parents. And why not? Fathers who expresses love to the family, help children deal with tough choices and keeps communication open…Mothers who talks about values and morals, assist children with pressure at school, treat them as adults and taught them how to love their own children……

“My heart is happy, my mind is free. I had a father who talked with me” – Hilde Bigelow

To me, anyone who influenced me to make a right decision in life was a role model.

Amma’s persistence was one of them. Atha showed how to lead even when the whole world conspires against you – Will Power. Brother was explicitly simple yet could easily convince others. Husband instilled the confidence that my voice is very strong. He is a true Sales man 🙂 My best friend is a living example of how one can balance the serious and lighter side of life. He taught that laughter is the best medicine to make your day. There were many other qualities – Resilience, Enthusiasm, Optimism, Candidness, Tolerance, Free-Thinking – that influenced me, but all from different individuals, who got into a noticeable positions through struggles, gathered a lot of experience through their journey, willing to help you with passionate advices and help you get to where they are now…

“If I am walking with two other people, each of them will serve as my teacher.I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them,and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself” – Confucius

But there are lot of people who has and believes that it is important to have one role model in life….

Office coffee times are amazing, gossipping mostly 🙂 But sometimes we hit on rather serious topics, and one such question – whether we believe in fate?

Fate,Destiny,Life and God are closely associated.Being a firm believer of Islam,I believe in the supreme power above us.But still when people ask whether I believe in fate,I wonder whether I do.Problem is everyone has their own concepts about all of these.

You may hold fate responsible for your failure,but take the credit yourself over the victory. Doesn’t make sense,right?

We say that everything,both good and bad things happen for a reason. But if God wanted to, he could stop all the bad things.Everyone in this earth would believe in him,and continue living as he wants.There would be no terrorists or rapists or prostitues. Nobody would go to hell. Infact there wouldn’t be any need of a hell if everything goes so smooth. Fortunately or unfortunately that’s not how it is. He has created all of us different – in looks, thoughts and talents. He has blessed all of us with the ability to understand and reason, with enough knowledge to differentiate good and bad,right and wrong.

Having said all that,I still think there are certain things in life which are beyond our control.

I never had the guts to admit my first crush.My first love was crumbled for whatever reason it may be.My first engagement turned bitter and later collapsed.There was lot of depression on my love life, but I did realise that these were not the right men for me when I finally got married to a wonderful man,…

But marriage is not a blessing for all.A friend got married to a pshycho for no fault of hers’.

A couple whom we know, were not blessed with children.No fault of theirs’.But later adopted an orphan girl and changed her life for the good.

So I still stand confused and cannot conclude properly on what fate is.

Though thy has not fully handed over the control of our lives to us,he has not fully taken the control from us. Some predetermined course exists,while some is left to our choice. Ultimately our karma would matter.He has given us the cards to play.It depends on us how we play with it and win the race. Destiny stand not as a chance but a choice.Life is what we make of it.

Last saturday started gloomy with the news of a blind 4 yr old who fell from the balcony and passed away later. His parents were away to drop their elder son at school. We had our own discussions,reasoning and conclusions about the incident and then went to a park nearby.

And there was an eyesore.To avoid all sorts of legal jargon I have hidden his face,the eyes of the little guy was exhausting though.

A little fellow,hardly 2 yrs,hanging on the swing and dozing off all alone. It was depressing.Reporting to the security would not help as the park was too large for his parents to find him. Unsure of what to do,we stood beside the swing that tilted one side as there was every chance he would fall down and get hurt.We were monitoring, occasionally holding onto him, under the impression that the maid who brought him would be there soon.Parents can’t leave kids like that!!!

A small girl (about 5yrs)came at random,swayed him,but we couldn’t communicate to her properly.Aabout half an hour later,arrived a high school lad.After we explained he took the baby, who was still asleep and walked to a couple who was lavishly having their own time in the park. They were on a picnic, with all 6 children who were disbursed throughout the garden. Yes,I agree it is difficult to have our eyes on all the little ones all the time. But leaving a baby,all alone who wouldn’t even be able to tell someone why he was there or whom he came with, is not pardonable.Does it not show that you are interested in only making them and not raising them?

Which one do you think is a worse example of negligence? The grief brought by the loss of a child is beyond comparison.
It is important for parents to have their time, but will they be able to forgive themselves if something happens? Am not asking you to save the world or stop child abuse or halt child begging,…but only pleading you to be responsible for your own blood.

Leave the thought of daughter being left alone,I can’t even stand the sight of her with a scrapped knee,this being the most common.No,I am not over protective.Am only trying to be accountable.Till the time, she is able to come and tell me legibly what happened, I should stay vigilant,and if necessary even after that….

After Pari was born, I called up our relatives to share the launch of a baby girl into our family.
“Aunty, we have a baby girl now”.
“Congrats. So how fair is she? Fairer than you? As fair as Sayf?”

They did not bother to as about my health or the baby’s. They did not want to know how the labor went. They did not care to ask whether Sayf saw the baby or how are things at the hospital or at least what we have named her or at the least who she looks like. But ‘being fair’ was important.

Oh yes!! I have seen a lot of this. I am a victim of tanned skin, and this was one of the primary reasons for my delayed marriage. My education, qualification, job or salary did not matter, nor my character or family background or personality mattered. All that mattered was fairness?!?!?!? Actually I have found darker people than me, but men saw only people who are fairer than me 🙂 :).

And when a ‘fairer’ Sayf fell for a ‘darker’ me, my mother showed her first sign of relief, “I’m happy that at least your children will be fairer”. What??!?!?

This is not just my case. ‘Dark skinned girls’ are considered ugly.

Back in high school, when a fair girl was befriended by a darker one, the guys referred them as Beast and the Beautiful. With great pain and effort, our friend’s circle made it ‘Bold and the Beautiful’. What people do not realize is that these harsh comments hurt their fathoms deepest emotions and sometimes become a reason to lose their self confidence.How unfair!!

How much ever I argue, degree of fairness is very important in India. For the same reason, skin lightening agents and fairness creams have gained huge popularity in Indian markets.

“When complexion gives you a headache and then plants seeds of jealousy and depression,it was Kajol who came to rescue me.She taught me that fair skin and threaded eyebrows are not necessary for being beautiful.It is the cleanliness of your mind and your energy level that makes you look beautiful”,Bhavia mentions about Kajol in 5 women I like.

Kajol and Nanditha Das are my favorite’s too. They are talented actors and very beautiful than a lot of other fair skinned heroines.They are towards the darker tone, but still have a huge adulation and fan following. It’s the same man-crowd who reject dark-skinned females, when it comes to wedding. So reel life can have black beauties while real life can’t?

And why doesn’t a man get rejected during a marriage proposal for being dark? Is it because the girl and her family are more sensible? Or is it the man’s job and woman’s fairness that together leads to a successful married life?

Fairness is closely related only to women, esp. Indian women. As usual, here is another inequality our dear society has shown to women on this line. They call men dark and handsome, but women can be beautiful only if they are fair.

On another note, have a look at the definition and Antonym of ‘fair’ in thesaurus. No comments!!!

They say a family would run smooth only if the woman in the family knows to manage well. So I set off to find out how wives are expected to balance the string of family lives.

“For that you need to be a balanced-wife“, says a few. So what is a balanced wife?

If the wife gets up early in the morning, she “always runs away from the bed and puts him in second priority to the house hold”. If the wife doesn’t get up early, she “is too lazy and neglects the family”.

If the wife makes good tea, “it is just her routine”. If the wife doesn’t make good tea or breakfast for one day, she “is a bad cook”.

If the wife has to leave home early for work, she “doesn’t need to earn us a living. Family should be first”. If the wife goes late to work or comes back late from work, she “is a bad manager of time”. If the wife comes back early from work, she “has no big role there at office”.

If the wife buys a shirt for the husband from her salary, she “wastes a lot of money on dress”.

If the wife doesn’t like a dress that her in-laws choose, she “has no dressing sense”.

If the wife reminds you to pay the bill, “I know to do things”. If the payment goes beyond due date, “You should not have forgotten”.

If the wife asks for help in the kitchen, “it is your duty. If you can’t manage with just two of us, how will you manage when we have children?”

If the wife has a back pain and asks for a small massage, “Can’t u see that am busy?”

If the wife argues, she is arrogant. If she does not respond to an argument, she is irritating.

If she questions, she acts too smart.

If she cries, she is over-sentimental. If she cant tell why she did so, she is unreasonable

If the shirt is not ironed on time, “she doesn’t know to do things properly”.

If the clothes are not folded for a day, “she cant keep the house clean”.

If the children get low grades, “she is doesn’t take proper care”.

If her parents does not see his’ during a function, then “they purposefully avoided”. If his parents do the same, “Why should they go to her parents? It is they who should come and pay respect to the guys’?

If her parents give a visit without acknowledgement, “they are so informal”. If his parents do the same but unfortunately there is no one at her home, “they don’t give us importance”.

If her mother’s sister’s daughter’s in-law is getting married, not only his parents, but his father’s sister’s husband’s parents have also to be invited, else “they do not know to treat the guy’s family properly”.

This society who knows only to question, disdain & contempt the girls, wives, daughter-in-laws & mothers and believes that women and her needs could be neglected, compels me to derive at the conclusion that the expectation from the so called balanced wife is this..One who successfully takes care of the family (big or small) the way they want, attend to all their needs, satisfy all of them, follow their rules, be answerable to all their questions, be submissive throughout and accept any mental or physical piercing moment in silence…. Irrespective of whether she slept the previous night, Irrespective of whether she had something for tea, Irrespective of when she has to leave or come back from work, Irrespective of how her day at office was, Irrespective of whether she is healthy or not, Irrespective of whether she is respected or cared for, Irrespective of what she earns, Irrespective of whether her own life is balanced or not….

PRECISELY, A BALANCED WIFE IS ONE WHO IS AWARE OF THE RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY. A BALANCED WIFE SHOULD ALSO BE AWARE OF THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE WIFE AND HER FAMILY.

Huh!!

When will be the time when they lay rules for the men?

When will be the time when they stop blaming and start helping?

When will be the time when they learn that respect is give and take?

When will be the time when they learn to appreciate wives and mothers for what they do?

When will be the time when they learn that a smooth family is the result of teamwork?

When will be the time when they learn that women have to be treated like humans if not equals?

I have no picture as to how to start or end this topic, but Krishna Murugan’s questions had to be answered. Religion, Faith, God,.. Krishna, my colleague, argued about the existence and truth of everything.

Here are his ‘W’s on God… Let me try to answer them in my version.

Q. Why believe in a man-made religion?

A. Religion is man made. The wise men of yester years had to form a set of rules to stop the chaos in the society and cultivate polished humans for tomorrow. But every religion has a common concept and that is ‘G-O-D’. It is not religion that people believe in, but its god.

Q. Why do you pray?

A. People may have a lot of reasons to pray. It may be to thank god for the food, for helping them pass exams, for the well being of themselves and their loved ones, and lot more..

For me, prayer is the bond between me and god. He, to whom, I can communicate about anything and everything. For am sure, he will be with all his ears to stop my tears. This bond always helped me sharpen my confidence and above all, helped me to attain peace of mind..

Q. Where is god when we are sad?

A. In this busy world where maintaining work-life balance is difficult, god is crowded out of our minds. It is when sadness strikes that we run to god for help. So on a positive note, sadness is a way to spend time with god.

But if your questions is about tragedies like earth quake or tsunami, then let me tell you that god has different plans for each of us. Havent you read about people who saved others’ life putting theirs’ at risk. Do you not feel that you would have also helped the needy, if you a got a chance to? Sometimes to show the existence of goodness in others, to reveal the existence of selfless people on earth, to plant that element of goodness in you or to wake up the real human in you, god too will have to take some extreme steps.

Q. Why terrorism when god exists?

A. When he created man, he also gave us freedom of choice and freedom of thought. Had he created man without choice, we would all be forced to believe in him. But god wanted us to learn, think and then choose between right and wrong. He wanted not blind faith, but know him and then believe.

The same message is interpreted by different people differently, and so is conveyed differently. What is wrong for the world, may be right to some people. They are not made different, but they chose to be different. Let the almighty forgive the wrong doers.

Q. Why god is not proven scientifically?

A. This one is the toughest of all.

While doing some research on Islam, I have come across this beautiful statement – “Science is not mature enough to prove the existence of god”.

So let me reframe this question. How did god touch our lives today? It may a help from a stranger, a greeting from your nieghbour or a call from your long lost friend that helps you move on in life. Like Bhavia mentioned in “Any Help”, she helped two girls for no reason. After a tiring day at work, Fareiba’s smile still become an inspiration to go ahead. God shows his presence in our daily lives, in a variety of ways. Some refer to it as luck, but I would prefer to call it his help.

Yes Krishna, You are right. People need to be humans at heart first and then true believers of god. Only then will the purpose be served and only then will there be peace. So being a good human being, you are already one step closer to him. Take the next step and see how life changes.

You may still continue to look for facts because for you, seeing is believing. But for me believing is seeing…