2006-06-01

Vacation

I work to get things made right for people. Like if you have something that someone messed up and didn't pay when it should have been paid, I am the person you call for assistance getting your payment. I do whatever I have to do - wheedle, beg, boss, turn tables, make creative excuses, and basically stopping at nothing short of blackmail to get the thing that was wrong, righted for you.

This isn't low stress or low responsibility and usually, I end up being the hero. In the midst of some battles, though, I think that the only levity I find is to fall asleep at night and have dreams that I'm totally kicking ass on the Real World Road Rules Challenge.Which....When was the last time Road Rules was even on? Is it still a show? Who are all these people? I can usually spot a Real Worlder, or at least kind of be pretty sure about it but these kids.... they have not been on an MTV adventure show and yet they're in the Challenge.I don't get it.It's probably not my riddle to solve, either.I just know that in my dream last night, I was totally hooked up with Ace from The Real World Paris and we had to swim together in a wave pool to get to a dock where we had to climb out, put on a whole set of clothes, and then scale a crane and cross the beam to a platform and then jump into the sea below, all hooked together.

So this person who called this morning was really frustrated with having been wronged.She went off.I mean... Went Off.There was begging to differ, lots of explaining to me of the detailed nature of the caller's personality, lots of anger toward me, and come cussing.

And I lost it a little.I didn't care if she thought I was talking down to her.I got sick of her telling me that "All [her] years in HR taught [her] not to follow up a statement with a but".I think I said, "I'm sorry that you feel that way" about nine times in eight and a half minutes.

I listened to her tell me that I'm not listening, listened to her tell me that the seven words I got in were condescending, listened to her curse at me about how she has totaled up the time she's spent getting this resolved and that it totals 20 hours, "20 FUCKING HOURS."At which point, I put her on speakerphone for my boss.Rarely an I happy to be sitting outside the bosses office, like the kid in school who has to sit in the desk outside the Principal's office.BUT today?I was thrilled with my location.

I tried every tack and was cut off at every turn and believe me, that takes some balls to do that because not only am I smart, I am experienced. I have been not pointing fingers and glossing over problems like this one for years. This person did not want to hear anything, not even when I offered the bare bones, "Here's where we are now and this is how I can get it fixed really fast."The ONLY thing she wanted from me was to vent at me.then she went to her HR office and vented about me, so I got ANOTHER phone call where I had to deal with the vileness of it all. "... was just in my office and is really upset and what happened?"You know, like I made it worse or something.

What took this person "20 hours", I did in 45 minutes. Half of the problem was already resolved and the other half was waiting for one key piece of data that she didn't provide. Detail-oriented, my ass. I'm talking about her leaving out a MAJOR, key detail. Like if she wanted to insure a car and forgot to tell the company what kind of vehicle it is and then got mad when the company didn't give her a quote.And she's complaining about me?Here's my recommendation: "You sound really stressed out. When this is solved, at the end of today or earlier, why don't you take a vacation to The Land Where People Who Are Helping You Like To Be Yelled At For No Reason. I hear it's lovely there in the summertime."So I called her to ask her for the key information and I got verbally assaulted, in a style very similar to my own.

Now, lest you think I'm a bastion of patience (HA!) and propriety (HA HA!) when I'm on the phone to resolve my own problems, think again.BUT I can't think of a time where I was nasty just to be nasty, like without a goal or a solution that I want implemented.Believe me, I have made a few nasty phone calls to customer service reps, mostly at Sprint.BUT when I get rude, I have a goal, mostly to get my phone turned back on when Sprint has turned it off despite my bill being paid in full and on time. I don't call just because I want to unload about my phone being off, I call because I want my phone turned back on. I get mean when I want something, not just to make someone feel shitty because I feel shitty.As soon as I get a hold of someone who isn't trying to upgrade my minutes package and who turns my damn phone back on, I am thankful and sweet.Simple enough: When someone gets you what you want, you thank them.Not so with this person.Remember last year when I got that thing covered for and helped you through an embarrassing situation? One that was totally preventable and I took up for you and twisted Ask me to do that now and you know what?I'll still do it BUT when I call you, I'll be nicer to you than I am to most of my friends and you're going to feel like such a heel when I'm through with you.

Fuck you for telling me that I am making excuses.It's my job to make excuses, mostly for your benefit so that you get what you're sometimes not actually owed but I will never point a finger at one person without pointing the other one in the exact opposite direction BUT I can tell you that not ever will I agree with you that you are getting screwed.