Welcome to the BlackLOG, this is the story of me, my wife - the long suffering "Mrs B", our cat "McG" and the various friends and acquaintances that we meet through life. It is all based around what happens to us, but is often stretched in an attempt to entertain. I do not deliberately set out to upset people but it occasionally happens (I have a fairly dark sense of humour at times).

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Monday, 19 December 2011

Flight or fight

Thanks Airmiles. Now you have become Avios you have almost single handedly managed to force us to fly to Japan....

I probably owe you a bit of an explanation on this one as it is a bit left field, even for me.

So let me attempt to explain.....Under the airmiles scheme (which we have been collecting miles for the last 20 years) you could book flights which included all costs including fuel surcharge, stepping on the cracks in the airport tax, looking the wrong way at the check in staff fines etc..... Under the replacement Avios scheme, we now have the wonderful opportunity to pay for everything except the flight itself – which these days does not seem to include the fuel for the flight, the crews’ wages, or the little snacks. I did a bit of off-the-cuff maths and have worked out the actual flight bit seems to cost about £1.28 to any destination.....

Avios gave about a months’ notice that the old scheme was ending and a new improved (well, certainly improved for them if not us users) where you get a free £1.28 flight to anywhere in the world and pay twice the amount of taxes, fuel duty and cabin staff wages for the privilege. They gave a deadline of 8pm on December 15th to use miles under the old scheme i.e. not paying a 225% tax rate.

The tight booking deadline made finding a holiday slot a heck of a challenge as I’ve got my London Ambassador commitment which takes out the majority of the year through to the end of September. Then there is Mrs B who seems to have black out Holiday periods in 56 weeks of the year. We managed to nail it down to a two-week period by doubling up some of Mrs B’s Holiday Blackout periods.

So I was now juggling a short window of holiday opportunity with a rapidly narrowing porthole of booking possibility, 6 hours and counting..... and when I opened the Avios web site I discovered a rather horrendous, slow and cumbersome interface. Deep joy. I also had the knowledge that in order to book under the old scheme I had to find the flights and then ring through to Avios....

After an age of wrestling with the site I discovered I could get:

One of us to Cape Town

Or one of us to RioHalf of one of us to Sydney (possibly a quarter of each of us)

Or both of us to Tokyo....

I called Mrs B with the news

Mrs B – “I don’t fancy Japan, it’s never been on my list of destinations....Can I get back to you - I’ve got meetings all afternoon.”

I discovered that the weather was probably at its best during our window of opportunity – Tick

I then looked up top things to do in Japan...

The number one thing apparently is....Sleep on the floor

(hang on a second I can do that at home and to be honest if I try and sell the holiday on that to Mrs B I’ll probably get the opportunity rather sooner)

The number two thing....Eat fish for breakfast

(Gulp – Mrs B hates sushi...)

The Number three thing.....Take a communal Bath

(I can imagine how well that would go down)

The number four thing.....Sit on the toilet

(Apparently the seats in public toilets are warm – frankly that’s not even selling it to me – it’s not unknown to find warm seats in UK public toilets but I wouldn’t sit on one with yours yet alone mine)

The 5th thing....Ride a bullet train

(I was the only one getting a bullet if I tried to sell Japan to Mrs B on this....)

Looked like I was on my own....so when Mrs B came out of her meeting:

Me – "How do you fancy flying business class to Japan...I might even be able to get us into First?"

Mrs B – “I’m really not sure”

Me – “We use them or lose them”

Mrs B - “Go on then...”

It was 6:15pm and I had an hour and 45mins to get the flights. No sweat.....

An hour and a half later I was still waiting in a phone queue – but it was alright because when I called up I was assured the waiting time was around 20 minutes....Oh well – I tried.

Just as I was about to call it a day.....

Avios booking agent - “Hello can I help you?”

Me - “Oh, yes.... I would like to book two first class flights to Japan please under the existing Airmiles scheme ”

Avios booking agent -“Just a moment while I check the details.”

I hear Keyboard tapping noises

Avios booking agent -“Computer says no...... you don’t have enough miles to fly first class...”

Me - “But when I looked on your site I have enough air miles.”

Avios booking agent - “Yes but that’s under the new scheme ....we have a special conversion rate to get you back to the old scheme.”

For the second blog running I find myself fascinated by the antics of a fellow blogger. This time it is the rather entertaining Alpenwassar who has come up with one of the best blogging ruses ever – no content no pictures and yet this posting received more comments then the BlackLOG ever does. Now Al is claiming that it was an mistake and he was just giving his blog a bit of a pre-Christmas spruce up when it accidently went off....sounds like a clear case of premature blogulation to me. Nothing a couple of cases of Bloggagra wouldn’t resolve....

Knowing Al through his blog I believe he is way too smart a cookie and have a couple of theories :-

Al’s playing the old silence trick, leaving people to fill the space – I’m rubbish at that one and always seem to get drawn into breaking the quiet ....

I’ll leave you to contemplate this in silence for a few minutes ....

tum,ti, tum....

whistling noises .....

tapping of feet...

slapping of thighs, but not in a pantomime or an Asda advert kind of way....

is that enough quiet time for you? Because frankly I’m getting itchy feet here.....

Or

Al’s trying to widen his audience and has set the frequency of his blog at such a high level that only dogs and very odd people gifted people can read it. Not having a spare dog* to check this out with I have been unable to confirm this theory....

* my non-existent dogs are currently strapped to typewriters (I couldn’t afford the non-existent monkeys ) trying to poop out the entire works of Barbara Cartland**. I’m figuring that shit must be easy to do...

** 723 books, bless her, she kept trying (or at least her untrained Monkeys did) I wonder if Book No. 724 would have been half decent....

In my opinion Al has made it to Blogger Nirvana and I’m Jealpressed or possibly Imprelous i.e. impressed and jealous as hell in equal measures.

Even better, one of his regular readers SherilinR tried to cover up for him. Just as well I recognised her typing otherwise he might just have got away with it....

Duran Duran

When we purchased tickets for this concert it was set for a Saturday Night in the middle of the summer

The preference for gig nights – when not on holiday has to be in ascending order

Saturday

Friday

Thursday

Wednesday

Tuesday

Monday

Sunday

So imagine our delight when it was swapped to a freezing cold Monday night, after Simon Le Bon was stricken down with laryngitis in the summer .... It was only that we had really good seats in the 5th row, a big thanks to Mrs B’s old PA for procuring them for us (most impressive) that we didn’t decide to go for a refund.

It took a while to get going for me as they started off playing quite a lot from their latest album, which is fair enough but I hadn’t really listened to it. But all was forgiven after the big hits started to echo around the O2:

Rio

Save a prayer

Wild Boys

Union of the snake

A view to a kill

Hungry like the wolf

Even some of their mid-career work, such as Notorious has mellowed and developed into a more pleasing sound on my ears at least.

After almost 30 years it’s good to see the main stay of the band still together after a few splits, reunions and re-splits

Strange to think - all those Taylors but not one of them is related. It can’t be that difficult, after all the Gallagher brothers (Oasis) managed it, so did Ray and David Davies (The Kinks). While the Kings of Leon may have lied about their royal connection they did manage three brothers and a first cousin....

The big disappoint of the night was the Blue bar – which is free entry to O2 mobile phone customers. I was hoping that it would be a complicated initiation process...but it turned out to simply require you to flash your phone to the doorman. As it was it was a plastic lean-to with a bit of blue lighting attached to the side of the O2 - singularly unimpressive.

On the same note O2’s priority ticket booking system is pants as well. Yes as an 02 customer you get the opportunity to purchase tickets at O2 venues, 24 hours before everyone else but for the two events that I’ve used it for to check ticket availability the only ones available are up in the gods, the ones that should come with vertigo warnings or a just sign at the bottom suicide note.... I managed to get better tickets by waiting 24 hours and fighting it out with the so called not so privileged .....

Watch of the week

The regular section in support of Joe (Stunt Cock) and his growing watch business Xupes. Joe mentioned that they had been getting a number of hits via the BlackLOG.

Xupes has been trading for over 2 years and Joe has recently developed some great contacts in the trade which enables him to pick up surplus stock and sell them at great prices. Mrs B is a regular purchaser from his jewellery section, going self service once she finally realised that her husband is not the jewellery buying type…

Rio - Duran Duran (Ellen's Video!) - As a reminder of one of the destinations that one of us or half of each of us could have gone to with Avios....

Photo FinishI had no problems getting Mega Mini Beast into Duran Duran, having made the decision to not to even attempt taking in The Beast. As it was security were very relaxed and were even taking photos of the audience using the audiences own camera’s.

John Taylor"Still Breathing"from Astronaut (2004)

"Shadows On Your Side"from - Seven And The Ragged Tiger (1983)

"Save A Prayer"Rio (1982)

Simon is"Hungry Like The Wolf"

John Taylor
"Someone Else Not Me"
From Poptrash (2000)

This would have worked so much better if it was a
picture of Roger Taylor (not the Queen drummer).

But as he was hiding at the back I didn't get a picture
of him....Just use your imagination and pretend....

"Hands up if you have any questions

Yes Simon....."

Simon - "Is There Something I Should Know? "

Nick Rhode's likes his"Girls on Film"

Have a happy Christmas, I'm holding back on the New Year bit as I intend to publish between Christmas and New Year. If I don't feel free to come back and scroll down to the special message below...

P.S. I'm trusting you, no sneaking off and peeking early....

Shame on you, I knew you wouldn’t wait

........And a Happy New Year.... OK not very special, just think of it as an 12" extended edition...

A 12" extended edition, eh? I thought this was a respectable establishment!

So, one other thing I think you might have overlooked in the Plus column for Japan: not only can you sleep on floors, but you can sleep in drawers. Like on Seinfeld. Anyhow, sorry to hear about the airline twerps. I hope you don't get stuck sitting next to an amateur Sumo wrestler back there in Economy.

Check with the airlines and see if you could fly to Tucson. You can help me drug the relatives, should they appear, and drag them into the desert, shoeless, and smeared with bacon grease. The coyotes are hungry this time of year.

Oh, and bring some of that Christmas pudding I've been hearing about. I hear it travels well, and can even go to the moon and back without spoiling.

I googled "Things to do in Japan" hoping I could offer some more appealing events to your itinerary. I think I found some good ones. According to askmen.com (insert feminist joke such as "Why would I want to do that? Harharhar." one exciting thing to do in Japan is try to speak Japanese: "Go on, give it a go. You'll either get laughed out of town or you'll get a smile wider than the island of Shikoku (and that's a really wide island), but at least you'll get a reaction."

Really? What a thrill! You might be laughed out of town! And with the trouble you're having with the airlines think how exciting that would be trying to catch the next flight home! Oh the stories you could tell. I'm jealous already.

Also on the list: Sing karaoke: "There are hundreds of English-language songs available -- old and new -- so choose a number, take a deep breath and step up to the plate."

OhThankGod!!! There are a handful of English songs to pick from! And you can't sing karaoke back in the UK, no way. That type of high-tech entertainment is only available in Japan. Consider yourself lucky.

How about Play with your balls in a pachinko parlor: "The pachinko parlor is where people go to relax. The noise and smoky atmosphere may not be everyone's idea of kicking back"

True, not everybody's idea of a good time, but Mrs. B is no everybody.

You are welcome, BlackLog for this list. I think I just saved your trip to Japan.

And everyone wonders why airlines are going bankrupt. Are you kidding? What good are air miles if you can't use them for at least a free meal in the air. Or even a carry on? I can't imagine how much it's going to cost me when I get my ticket to your fair country. I've never flown, so I have NO air miles of any shape or form. If I could I'd drive. But they haven't built a tunnel yet under the Atlantic.

Hope you enjoy your "stay" in Japan. I'm sure they have other things other than Sushi that Mrs. B (I'm a Mrs. B come to think of it, too!) can eat. Rice, yes, they eat a lot of rice.

What the hell happened to Simon! I didn't recognize him! And that's probably why he's got the Grizzly Adams look! I hear the paparazzi is pretty brutal in your parts. He looks homeless! Some groups should just stop recording, know what I mean. Their music was hot in the 80's as were their looks. Don't try to keep it updated. Tom Petty is the same way. My friend gave me their latest album "MOJO" and it sucks. Stick to "Freefall". And stuff like "Stop Dragging My Heart Around" with Stevie, who isn't aging well either from what I've seen. That's what the fans want to hear, not anything new. Stop trying to be Coldplay.

Al Penwassar is a hoot! I love his blog! He's from my neck of the woods in Pennsy. People here have an interesting sense of humor. I'm originally from New Jersey so I can tell the difference. If you're interested in getting more views on your blog, let me know. I have a secret that has helped me tremedously! And there's no catch. I hate 'catches'.

Have a great holiday! Hope Japan is good to you. And here's to the best of the New Year! Cheers!

Lost.in.Idaho said... Holy balls that watch is gorgeous.It’s certainly interesting...One wood say almost a little out of this world ....

And I witnessed the non-post from Mister Penwasser as well. Novel concept, but I think my readership won't get it. I seem to cater to a more common denominator...

...not that that's a bad thing...Al has reached a level where he could sell snow to Eskimo’s....

As for the Japan trip, I hope it works out well. Japan is, well, surreal compared to the US and UK. You're in for a memorable holiday. Mr Snappy (The Beast) is certainly looking forward to it....It’s a long way away yet 10 months and 2 holidays at least

A Beer for the Shower said...A 12" extended edition, eh? I thought this was a respectable establishment!I’ve always found the BlackLOG mirrors the depravity of the reader

So, one other thing I think you might have overlooked in the Plus column for Japan: not only can you sleep on floors, but you can sleep in drawers. Like on Seinfeld.I’m not sure I would fit into any draws.... even that sounds a bit rude... what have you done to my blog???

Anyhow, sorry to hear about the airline twerps. I hope you don't get stuck sitting next to an amateur Sumo wrestler back there in Economy.

Cheers!Thanks, now I’m being haunted by nightmares about being sat on by an amateur Sumo wrestler and getting sucked inside his giant bulging cheeks

Judie said... Check with the airlines and see if you could fly to Tucson. You can help me drug the relatives, should they appear, and drag them into the desert, shoeless, and smeared with bacon grease. The coyotes are hungry this time of year.Looking at your relatives I actually fear for the Coyotes

Oh, and bring some of that Christmas pudding I've been hearing about. I hear it travels well, and can even go to the moon and back without spoiling. Don’t forget Christmas pudding can last forever, mainly because it is very difficult to spoil something so bad....kidding I love the stuff but it would probably be able to power that rocket not just travel to the moon and back....

Dawn @Lighten Up! said... Thanks for the Duran Duran eye candy! I had such a HUGE crush on Nick Rhodes as a pre-teen. That makes me a pretty strange ranger, doesn’t it?I’m a little worried about you, or possibly for you, because Nick has always been a little odd to say the least...

L-Kat said... I googled "Things to do in Japan" hoping I could offer some more appealing events to your itinerary. I think I found some good ones. According to askmen.com (insert feminist joke such as "Why would I want to do that? Harharhar." one exciting thing to do in Japan is try to speak Japanese: "Go on, give it a go. You'll either get laughed out of town or you'll get a smile wider than the island of Shikoku (and that's a really wide island), but at least you'll get a reaction." My god no one mentioned that they speak Japanese...why was I not told.... sayonara my friend ...

Really? What a thrill! You might be laughed out of town! And with the trouble you're having with the airlines think how exciting that would be trying to catch the next flight home! Oh the stories you could tell. I'm jealous already.Having been abandoned in China by our Tour Company almost 20 years ago I’m not sure Japan could throw up anything more disturbing

Also on the list: Sing karaoke: "There are hundreds of English-language songs available -- old and new -- so choose a number, take a deep breath and step up to the plate."I’ve been banned from singing under the Geneva convention....yes it is that bad....

OhThankGod!!! There are a handful of English songs to pick from! And you can't sing karaoke back in the UK, no way. That type of high-tech entertainment is only available in Japan. Consider yourself lucky. Mrs b and I once walked out of a Bar when we discovered it was a Karaoke pub...Yes in England...Oh the disgrace....

How about Play with your balls in a pachinko parlor: "The pachinko parlor is where people go to relax. The noise and smoky atmosphere may not be everyone's idea of kicking back" Oh those type of balls, I was a bit worried you we talking about pocket snooker for a moment

True, not everybody's idea of a good time, but Mrs. B is no everybody.She certainly isn’t...

You are welcome, BlackLog for this list. I think I just saved your trip to Japan. I’m not sure I want to go now....still I’ve got 11 months to plan it all...or to put it in my terms 10 and half months of thinking loads of time to plan, followed by a panic filled two weeks as I try and organise everything last minute....

Glad you enjoyed the concert! So was I...I really had thought about bailing

ryoko861 said... And everyone wonders why airlines are going bankrupt. Are you kidding? What good are air miles if you can't use them for at least a free meal in the air. Or even a carry on? I can't imagine how much it's going to cost me when I get my ticket to your fair country. I've never flown, so I have NO air miles of any shape or form.It has taken 20 years to use them....For the first 19 years we could only get as far as Dover.....

If I could I'd drive. But they haven't built a tunnel yet under the Atlantic. We have still not managed to use the Channel Tunnel yet.....

Hope you enjoy your "stay" in Japan. I'm sure they have other things other than Sushi that Mrs. B (I'm a Mrs. B come to think of it, too!) can eat. Rice, yes, they eat a lot of rice.I’ve got the feeling they eat everything in Japan, living or dead...I’m going to sleep with one eye open, I don’t want to end in any cooking pots....

What the hell happened to Simon! I didn't recognize him! It’s called 30 years

And that's probably why he's got the Grizzly Adams look! I hear the paparazzi is pretty brutal in your parts. He looks homeless! Some groups should just stop recording, know what I mean. Their music was hot in the 80's as were their looks. Don't try to keep it updated. Tom Petty is the same way. My friend gave me their latest album "MOJO" and it sucks. Stick to "Freefall". And stuff like "Stop Dragging My Heart Around" with Stevie, who isn't aging well either from what I've seen. That's what the fans want to hear, not anything new. Stop trying to be Coldplay.Mrs B and I were laughing because their new tracks sounds like refugees from the 80’s....as for Cold Play they get so much harsh press – I’ve been a fan since the first Album and just don’t get why they get mocked so much.

Al Penwassar is a hoot! I love his blog! He's from my neck of the woods in Pennsy. People here have an interesting sense of humor. I'm originally from New Jersey so I can tell the difference.Pennsy humour seems closer to UK humour than the rest of the states.....which is probably why I like Al’s Blog so much....

If you're interested in getting more views on your blog, let me know. I have a secret that has helped me tremedously! And there's no catch. I hate 'catches'. Always interested in New readers but if it involves shortening the BlackLOG I can’t see that happening....

Have a great holiday! Hope Japan is good to you. And here's to the best of the New Year! Cheers! Thank you, and same to you, great extensive comment (my favourites), We have got two holidays and an Olympics before Japan...

Al Penwasser said... I thought "Running from dinosaurs" was one of the things to do in Japan...? Aren’t dinosaurs like sharks – you have to go towards them and slap them on the nose....sorry missed the first stage of dealing with dinosaurs, drop back in time a couple of million years and then run at dinosaur...Now what did I do with my History miles

cynicalscribble said... I'd love to go to Japan, it just looks like utter madness. Although I reckon you should've made the extra flight over to Australia...tut tut.The Plan had been to go to Australia but the flights let us down ...but unfortunately not down under....I’ll get my coat.....

Anyway...just wanted to say have a good Christmas :) And to you glad it all seems to be working out for you in the land down under

Oh don't feel bad! Al's just a pissed off Pennsyltuckian. I mean he has to take a crap at the end of his driveway for gods sake. You'd be pissed off, too if you had to have the whole neighborhood watching you take a shit. Plus he knows all about dinosaurs...he was there. Godzilla was his neighbor.

"Pennsy humour seems closer to UK humour than the rest of the states.....which is probably why I like Al’s Blog so much...."I'm not originally from Pennsy, neither is Al. Maybe that's why I love British humor. Believe me, it's not the dutchies type of sense of humor. They only laugh at their own jokes. And they're the ones that give the US the rep for being fat!

Can't email you. It's not working. It's broken.

But if you sign up for Triberr.com (I have to give you a membership code AND you have to have a Twitter account-you don't have to tweet anything) it'll help bring people to your site. What you do is once you're all set up and signed in (it's not hard-if I can do it anyone can) join a tribe that shares the same interests as your blog. (yeah, a tribe and you even get to inbreed-I know, it's bizarre). For example, your blog is humnorous, so you find a tribe that is looking for humorous blogs or maybe even a tribe that has all UK members in it. You can even leave a post that you're looking for a tribe to join. THEN...when you join a tribe, any followers you have on Twitter are added to that Tribes member's twitter followers count. When you post a blog post, it will automatically send a twitter post to twitter through all the members of the tribe's twitter accounts. SO if there's 15 members in the tribe, it will go out on all 15 accounts PLUS all their followers will see it! Understand? The secret is out! Email me if you can for the code. It's like a speak-easy.

What is this non-blogging blog? I am the biggest non-blogger on the blogs... I will have to explore and give fierce silent stares at my non blogging blog competition.Duran Duran... now even I have heard of them!

ryoko861 said...Oh don't feel bad! Al's just a pissed off Pennsyltuckian. I mean he has to take a crap at the end of his driveway for gods sake. You'd be pissed off, too if you had to have the whole neighborhood watching you take a shit. Plus he knows all about dinosaurs...he was there. Godzilla was his neighbor.True Al is taking outside Kaze to a whole new level. Personally I feel he should have paid the extra and had the mains sewer extended to his house...but hey who am I to judge, My toilet in the en-suite bathroom has a perfect view of our TV in the bedroom. When we had our bathroom re-done a few years back the designer wanted to move the toilet....I decided to remove the designer ....

"Pennsy humour seems closer to UK humour than the rest of the states.....which is probably why I like Al’s Blog so much...."I'm not originally from Pennsy, neither is Al. Maybe that's why I love British humor. Believe me, it's not the dutchies type of sense of humor. They only laugh at their own jokes. And they're the ones that give the US the rep for being fat!

But if you sign up for Triberr.com (I have to give you a membership code AND you have to have a Twitter account-you don't have to tweet anything) it'll help bring people to your site. What you do is once you're all set up and signed in (it's not hard-if I can do it anyone can) join a tribe that shares the same interests as your blog. (yeah, a tribe and you even get to inbreed-I know, it's bizarre). For example, your blog is humnorous, so you find a tribe that is looking for humorous blogs or maybe even a tribe that has all UK members in it.humnorous – is that a Freudian slip – I aimed for humour but ended up with Humnorous – definition People who laugh at their own jokes which no one else finds funny – a good example would be Fat Dutchies in Pennsylvania.....

You can even leave a post that you're looking for a tribe to join. THEN...when you join a tribe, any followers you have on Twitter are added to that Tribes member's twitter followers count. When you post a blog post, it will automatically send a twitter post to twitter through all the members of the tribe's twitter accounts. SO if there's 15 members in the tribe, it will go out on all 15 accounts PLUS all their followers will see it! Understand? The secret is out! Email me if you can for the code. It's like a speak-easy. Twitter – I knew it would involve truncation of the BlackLOG in some way.....I have a real problem with twitter....I no, I no you are going to say you only have to sign up for an account but you don’t have to use it ....Well to me that’s a bit like buying cigarettes even though you aren’t going to smoke them....it’s still supporting an evil twisted industry ....now I’m not claiming that twitter gives you lung cancer but on the same note I’ve not seen any proof that says twitter doesn’t give you lung cancer.....

Scarlet Blue said... What is this non-blogging blog? I am the biggest non-blogger on the blogs... I will have to explore and give fierce silent stares at my non blogging blog competition.It is easy to none blog – the hard part is getting loads of responses to it....As for the silent stares (best kind in my view) Al is a man who happily sits at the end of his driveway on the toilet...sounds like stares are what he lives for

Duran Duran... now even I have heard of them!I seem to have had a bit of an 80’s revival thing going on - OMD, Icicle Works, Love & Money, Roddy Frame (Aztec Camera) , Duran Duran – Shed 7 for the 90’s and only KT Tunstall in thye last few months keeping it vaguely contemporary

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

SXXXXX Thank you scarlet and a Happy Christmas to you as well...With bells and tinsel on...Thanks for all the laughs and insightful comments