I am the child of a stranger, produced through an anonymous sperm donation at BCM. Despite writing all 600 men from my donor's former medical school yearbooks, receiving 250 responses, and going through 18 DNA tests, I have yet to find my missing family.
While many other countries banned anonymous donations by the late 1980s to early 1990s and instead only use donors willing to release their identity, anonymous egg and sperm donations are still allowed and frequently practiced in the U.S.

About Me

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Life Goes On

Now that life is settling in with the two little ones, I am trying to refocus my energy (and blog!) - well, during their naps - on speaking to those who contact me with the desire to discuss gamete donation and working on my own quest. My sense of loss has gradually disappeared for the most part as life moved on and I accepted that I may never know any close relatives through the choices that were made in 1981, but I guess enough curiosity remains to continue exploring new leads.

A few months ago, I posted my discovery through Family Tree DNA that my paternal family is, at least in part, Ashkenazi Jew. This wasn't that big of a surprise after a lifetime of fighting my dark brown, curly hair. I then submitted my DNA to 23andme to obtain some limited health information and connections to additional relatives. Although I have not received replies from any identified 2nd cousins (and, until I receive responses, I cannot determine if these are paternal or maternal relatives), I have engaged in ongoing correspondence with several 3rd to 5th paternal cousins.

One paternal cousin, who lives just minutes from my home, suggested that we meet two weeks ago. Until then, I'd never laid eyes (at least to my knowledge) on a person from my biological father's side. Yesterday this cousin and his wife visisted us again, bringing Lexi two precious outfits and Trevor a stuffed duck as tall as he is! My cousin and his wife remind me of the kind BCM graduates who welcomed me into their lives and serve as another example of how many beautiful experiences have occurred through my search.

Whether or not I ever find my biological father, I am so grateful that I embarked on this journey. It's been rewarding to me, and hopefully has given me the insight to help others too as they travel their own path.

9 comments:

I just wanted to say thank you for all your searching. You certainly helped me get closer to my dream and our conversation a few weeks ago gave me strength to do things in a way that I and hopefully my child can and will feel good about. I hope to get to Houston and look forward to meeting you one day soon. Margo

Life does go on. My life has changed immeasurably the last two years. Now I am just trying to be a good daddy and to be ready later on to answer questions and help my kids. As always appreciate your blog.

Hi Kathleen, I just heard a story about you on NPR. I was very touched. In fact, when it was mentioned that you wrote 600 letters to men who had graduated at the time the sperm that helped to make you was donated...well, I burst into tears! I am the biological parents of the two parents who raised me. So, I am not in your same boat, but i totally support what you are doing. I find it distressing that donors would not make it possible for children, once they become adults, to learn whose biology contributed to their existence. As someone (maybe it was you) said in the story, if you are not willing to make yourself known someday if ever asked, why the heck are you doing it? I am in school right now to become a therapist/counselor and we have been talking about nature/nurture, and it just seems very important to me that people would want to know "where did I come from?" There are genetic issues, as well as emotional issues. I am sorry to go on so long, saying things you already know and experience first hand! I guess what I am trying to say is that there might be other people like me, people not directly touched by this particular phenomenon of the 21st century, who can relate, and who can be a voice to somehow help your cause. The last thing I'll say is that I am a writer (a poet) and I think that your situation just spoke to me on this very basic, human level. Well, keep searching. Who knows, maybe your biological dad was hearing that NPR story this morning, like I was, unexpectedly. I hope so! You will find him, I think, some day. Don’t give up. I am sending you good wishes to be successful in your search for that man! All the best to you,Lisa

Hi Kathleen, I just heard a story about you on NPR. I was very touched. In fact, when it was mentioned that you wrote 600 letters to men who had graduated at the time the sperm that helped to make you was donated...well, I burst into tears! I am the biological parents of the two parents who raised me. So, I am not in your same boat, but i totally support what you are doing. I find it distressing that donors would not make it possible for children, once they become adults, to learn whose biology contributed to their existence. As someone (maybe it was you) said in the story, if you are not willing to make yourself known someday if ever asked, why the heck are you doing it? I am in school right now to become a therapist/counselor and we have been talking about nature/nurture, and it just seems very important to me that people would want to know "where did I come from?" There are genetic issues, as well as emotional issues. I am sorry to go on so long, saying things you already know and experience first hand! I guess what I am trying to say is that there might be other people like me, people not directly touched by this particular phenomenon of the 21st century, who can relate, and who can be a voice to somehow help your cause. The last thing I'll say is that I am a writer (a poet) and I think that your situation just spoke to me on this very basic, human level. Well, keep searching. Who knows, maybe your biological dad was hearing that NPR story this morning, like I was, unexpectedly. I hope so! You will find him, I think, some day. Don’t give up. I am sending you good wishes to be successful in your search for that man! All the best to you,Lisa

***If you found this site through searching the internet, you may get stuck on one blog entry. Please click on the title of my blog - Child of a Stranger: Conception through Anonymous Sperm Donation - to see additional writings. At the end, there is a FAQ section addressing the questions most frequently asked to me. If you have suggestions for blog entries, ideas on finding my paternal family or brother with Down Syndrome, or just would like to talk, email me at kathleen.ruby.labounty@gmail.com. Please send media requests here as well.***

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