American Idol Results Show: Allison’s Out, Paula’s Auto-Tuned

There were two tragedies on last night’s American Idol results show. The first, of course, was the unjust elimination of Allison Iraheta, whose voice stands as the most natural and impressive of the entire season, and whose style, not to mention her commercial appeal, is already well established, despite her insanely young age. That Danny Gokey is still around, even after what he pulled on Tuesday night, makes me just a little bit less proud to be an American.

The second tragedy, though, might be even more disturbing than Allison being robbed of her rightful spot in the top three. For some reason, which remains completely unknown to me, Paula Abdul performed. And it was very, very bad.

The song was called “I’m Just Here For the Music,” and its about a woman at a club who doesn’t want dudes to bother trying to sleep with her, because she’s only there to dance. As if you couldn’t have guessed, the song does, in fact, include the line “I’m only here to dance / I’m not looking for romance.” The mix was completely bananas, with the hilariously auto-tuned vocals drowning out everything else, so if Paula or the producers had any intention of concealing the fact that she was lip-syncing, they failed miserably. I can’t imagine I’m the only one who couldn’t stop picturing Randy chiming in with his usual refrain of “You know, this is a singing competition, dawg!” The dancing was terrible too — not what you’d expect from a hugely successful performer and choreographer, but from an increasingly batty old lady who’s either on way too much medication or not nearly enough. The performance, if you can stomach it, is below.