7 May 2014

Post Uni Life: Marriage

When I was little I had this plan in my head. I was going to finish school, go to university and meet the one.

We would graduate, find great jobs and then get married, have kids and live happily ever after.

I'm serious. I had no plan for beyond the age of 21. I thought university would be the place where I would meet my husband(!), yet here I am, almost a year after graduating, single as a pringle.

So why am I writing about marriage?

Only recently have I come to the realisation that it may never happen. No one promises marriage, or children, but it's certainly expected of us. Where does that come from? Who says that's the norm? Why?

My whole life I have been certain about one thing – and that is to get married and make a family, but there's nothing set in stone to make sure that happens and that scares me slightly. But why? Is it so bad, being alone? I can do what I want, when I want, and it's fun (most of the time). But I'm a believer of not being alone in the long run, and as much as I'd like to write about defying society's expectations of getting married, I think that's expected of us for a good reason. We're not meant to be alone.

I was talking to my mum about this the other day. She simply said, "You're 21 not 51!" Implying I had no reason to be fretting about the prospect of never meeting anyone. That's the thing though. I'm not sad about it, I'm just acknowledging and coming to terms with the fact that it might never happen. But then again, it might.

Marriage is a scary thought, and, (I think), many years away. But who knows what will happen in the next year, month, week, day? Anything could happen. That's what makes life worth it - the excitement of not knowing what you'll think, feel, say or do in the future, no matter how much you plan, no matter how stubborn or determined you are in whatever path you have set for yourself. Falling in love is a surprise, and I'm not putting a date on it.

6 comments

ah, i've been feeling fairly similarly lately myself! i've never been keen on the idea of marriage, however since breaking up with my boyfriend last year and since receiving the "so, are you seeing anybody new?" from both parents has highlighted to me the expectation that you're supposed to have it together romantically by your early twenties, because if not, you're doomed before thirty! but, like your mum said, there's still plenty of time and i quickly snap out of any silly thoughts that may be consuming me. as scary as the future can be as a lot is so unexpected, i think your twenties are probably a pretty good time for figuring yourself out, let alone worrying about coupling up for good with another person!

It's a strange time isn't it... I just never really thought past this age, and thought I'd have it all figured out by now, but apparently it's ok not to have, and there may be more heartbreak to come, who knows (I hope not though, ha)N xo

Really glad you wrote this post. I find it hard to balance the whole 'being a modern woman, not needing a man' thing and then having to admit to yourself that, in the long run at least, deep down what you really want is a man! The good news though is that part of being a 'modern woman' isn't just not having to get married at all, but the acceptance that the whole marriage and family thing can happen a lot later. It's really normal to get married around thirty or even later, and in truth it might even be better - we are probably going to know ourselves and what we want from life far better when we are thirty than now!

It's confusing, this whole postmodern feminist movement that we've got going on, but that's a whole other topic for another post another day... I generally just stick by what I've known and believed my whole life and try not to be swayed by what a lot of women say women should be like these days. And I certainly agree. I think there is definitely less pressure to marry in your twenties now, even though I thought I'd be married by 25 when I was younger haha!N xo

very interesting post - funnily enough, i definitely did not expect to be married so young. i got married last year aged 25 and that felt ridiculously young to me! the average age for a woman to get married in Japan is 30 at the moment i think, which is quite something considering the Japan as a culture is relatively delayed in a lot of aspects. you can never predict what's going to happen, or how it's going to happen, but once things start to unravel I believe that it all makes sense.

i am so sure that you will find all the things that will make you most happy Naomi x

My sister got married when she was 25 too. I remember when I was little thinking I would have eveeeerything sorted by that age - job, husband, kids even! I like to think that if/when marriage does happen I won't be bothered by however old or young I am - be it this year, or in ten years time.Thank you for your lovely comment, Miho :)N xo