Monday, July 5, 2010

So much rain...literally

I can not remember a summer with more rain than we have had this year. If it's not raining, it's cloudy and storms are on their way. I feel like we might get one or two nice days a week and then the rest is garbage! ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!! This emotional person can not take so much gloomy weather and gray skies. I want to see sun. NEED to see sun!! And the poor farmers...some who have not even been able to seed this year. I think farming would be the MOST stressful job in the world! You put your hope in the weather and risk so much! It's sad to see how many have been devastated by all this wretched rain!
Seriously...one feels like they need an arc for sure!
Ya, it helps you appreciate the nice days...but there are so few of them, and it's just not right!
But what's the point in being mad at Mother Nature...she'll do what she wants anyhow! You can't reason with nature! And I suppose we as a whole have done enough to our world to tick her right off anyhow!!
Days like this are hard for me. I like seeing the sunshine for many reasons. But one reason is because when I look out my dining room or bedroom or living room window and see the cemetery Zac is at...I like to see sun shining down on it. It makes me feel a warmth. But when there is all this gloomy weather and skies and rain...it brings out the part of the feelings in my heart that I try to overcome...dark, sad, tears. This weather over the cemetery makes me feel exactly that...gloomy.
And it also takes away from my daily walks with Evan and the dogs. One of the highlights of my days! We LOVE our walks, and love jabbering together and me pointing out things for Evan to see. Regardless, we have fun inside or outside...good weather or bad weather. How could I NOT have fun with this little guy!!! He is so active and inquisitive and wants to figure everything out. He has now decided he is big enough to WALK down the stairs by holding on to the wall (only because he can't reach the railing!)...and try to reason with this squirt that he is just not big enough to do that yet!! Oiy yoi!! I'm going to go grey very fast!!
I've had such a nice past 4 days. Brett had been home and we just hung out together and you could see how much Evan just loved being with both of us together! He just seemed so at peace and so happy! Not like he isn't always happy...but there was a special peace about him. Even I felt that special peace with having Brett around for 4 straight days! It was GREAT.
We went to the Farmers Market on Saturday and took Brett's mom with us...and it was such a nice day (one of those rare sunny days!!) and I just had SO much fun purchasing yummy fresh, wholesome locally grown veggies. Man...there is NOTHING like the taste of veggies/fruit straight from the garden! Too bad I'm so not a green thumb!! I'd kill a garden in a matter of days I'm sure!
Last week Brett, my brothers and my dad went on a fishing trip for 4 days. So my sister-in-law, niece and nephew came to stay a couple of nights with me. Evan was in his glory with his cousins around to play with. He had SOOOO much fun. And I truly warmed seeing the sight. Yet, I ached so bad all at the same time. Evan was not meant to be alone. Not meant to be an only child. Not meant to be without his twin brother. Evan and Zac were together for 28 weeks and 1 day before being torn apart...forever on this earth. And whenever I see how much fun Evan has with other kids...my heart breaks. Oh to be able to have watched my sons grow together, play together...and even while they would fight with each other it would have been the most precious music to my ears.
Don't get me wrong...my days are filled with awe, wonder, joy and love for Evan. And I am more than aware of how lucky I am to have him here with me today.
Again...the struggle of such joy and sorrow.
Well, I don't really feel up to go into too much today, so I'm just going to leave it at this for now and while Evan naps, I should go get some laundry done and wash my dirty floor! Ah, the joys of the rain, and dirt all around the outside of my house!

About Me

After 10 years of unexplained infertility and after our 1st IVF and then loss of our first babies - a triplet prior to 6 weeks and then our identical twins days before 12 weeks (Dec. 6 '07)...round 2 of IVF blessed us with fraternal twin boys - Zac Michael and Evan Brett. After delivering the boys at 28 weeks 1 day (March 6, 2009 - Zac 2lb 5ou and Evan 2lb 9ou), and three days after their birth, Zac went home to heaven to be with his brothers (March 9, 2009). 66 days in NICU and 2 weeks before my actual due date...our precious son Evan came home weighing just under 5lbs! Our story and journey from the beginning can be read here.