Friday, 14 February 2014

It's been a tumultuous few years. In that time I have varied between having my head under the pillow trying to block out the constant stress, my nose stuck in a glass/ bottle of wine (never a great idea), my fingers tapping away on a keypad while I tried online dating, and representing myself in court during a really quite vicious divorce battle. That ended a year ago and I have recently moved to a place all of my very own. And it really is true. There ain't no place like home.

Clearly I have done other stuff too...like get a full time job, rediscover my identity, search my soul, reassess the relationships I have, not only with myself but all the people close to me, work out my goals, go on my first singleton holiday, take the kids on the first holiday abroad as a single mum, start going to festivals and just RECONNECT with the person I want to be and the mother I want to be to my kids. I think, in hindsight, its been a worthwhile few years.

I have been so blessed in so many ways. I have amazing children who I have started to really SEE as the amazing people they are. I have fantastic friends and family who stuck by me when it seemed I was losing my way during my journey. And I have ME. I have done things and achieved things I didn't know I had the strength to. I have been strong, weak, crazy, smart, foolish, bitter, impatient, brave, messy, proud, ashamed, impetuous and cautious. I have been a walking contradiction. I have blamed and been blamed. I have felt that my heart was made of stone, yet breaking with the weight of emotion. I have felt like I was the only sane person in a world full of lunatics. I have felt I was the lunatic in a world full of sane people. I have felt that I have been the only one who could speak the truth, yet my voice was barely a whisper. I have had days when I had courage and days when I had nothing but complete fear and doubt in myself.

I think that's pretty NORMAL don't you??!!!!

I was tired of "holding it all together." I was sick of appearances showing everything was "perfect" when in fact things weren't. I was worn out by trying to be Super anything, as that doesn't exist.I coped through humour and the power of writing. That is why my blog was so important to me. It was my outlet. My voice in my world that said "find the beauty and joy in the imperfections."

It just took time to realise that.

I'm still Not Quite Supermom. But I am good with that.

My washing pile is slightly bigger than it used to be though. And I don't even THINK about ironing.