Look, I don’t make the rules. The Sorting Hat wants what it wants. And in a moment of divine inspiration, it spoke to me, and it informed me where the Force Awakens generation would be Sorted at Hogwarts. I did not expect it to be so obvious, but sometimes words and names combine in truly beautiful ways.

Actually, the story is that one day my spouse and I were walking around eating ice cream and making jokes, and we realized it was incredibly obvious how to Sort the new Star Wars crew. Observe:

*mind. esplode.*

Now you may think this is too tidy, and that we just came up with this because it fit the Hogwarts Houses well enough for the name joke. But I stand by this Sorting. Allow me to explain.

Finn: Gryffindor

Finn had enough courage to stand against a lifetime of brainwashing, and break away from the First Order. Even though it seems like he might run when faced with confronting that life, he sticks it out without hesitation when his friend Rey is kidnapped. He’s also pretty impulsive, given that he picks up and attempts to wield a lightsaber on first glance against a bonafide Dark Side user. He also has a tendency to look before leaping where his emotions are concerned; he tells the Resistance that he can figure out how to turn off Starkiller Base’s shield generator when he really only said so to get permission to go find his friend. Then he decides that it should be easy anyway since they can just “use the Force” to figure it out. And as Han tells him… that’s not how the Force works. And if he’d been paying attention, he probably would have asked about that beforehand.

Poe: Hufflepuff

Everyone might be tempted to place Poe in Gryffindor too, but he’s Hufflepuff to the very end, albeit a very Cedric Diggory kind of Puff. His loyalty to the Resistance (planted in him by the loyalty his parents had to the Rebel Alliance) makes him one of their top operatives and pilots. He’s typically charming and exceedingly friendly. Moreover, after being tortured by the First Order, he agrees to not only aid Finn in their mutual escape, but promptly comes up with a name for the guy (which Finn accepts) and eventually gifts him the clothes off his back when he sees that Finn has adopted his leather jacket after his presumed death. Safe to say, Poe Dameron would probably do anything for anyone in need and never stops working until his job is done. That’s one dedicated Hufflepuff.

Rey: Ravenclaw

Rey is obviously a smart person. She scavenges and repairs all sorts of tech and machine parts, and knows how to fly and fix ships kind of instinctually. While part of that might be down to some Force-sensitive mojo, she’s also clearly just bright and interested in learning new things. In fact, that desire to learn is what eventually leads her on a path toward accepting her ability to use the Force. Rey wants to stay on Jakku for a family that she believes will return for her, but when it comes right down to it, she gets a glimpse of the galaxy and realizes that she needs more. She’s also smart enough to unsettle Kylo Ren by turning his mind-reading tricks back on him, and escapes captivity with little difficulty. The point is, if you want to know who is probably spending all her time in the library to improve upon her current repertoire, it’s definitely Rey.

Kylo Ren: Slytherin

This seems obvious, but it’s not just due to his turn to the Dark Side. Kylo Ren is ambitious for sure, as you’d have to buy into the First Order’s grand plans if you wanted to stick around for any length of time. He’s also obsessed with his heritage, much like a pureblood wizard might be—hanging onto grandpa’s old helmet and modeling himself on Vader’s example. And he is keenly determined to carry out his plans; we repeatedly see him continue past the point of wisdom to see things through. But most important of all, you have to be pretty cunning to get your own father to step out over a bottomless chasm and into the blade of your lightsaber, just on the slightest chance that you might be open to a one-on-one talk.