Introduction...
Marriages may be made in heavenbut they occur here on earth. That fact
has been the inspiration for wits throughout history. Gathered here are quotes,
anecdotes, and aphorisms on the subject of matrimonyits trials, its tribulations,
and its ultimate rewards. To what did Robert Mitchum attribute the length of
his marriage? How did Oscar Wilde describe the effects of marriage on women?
What was Groucho Marxs definition of a wife? To what did W. C. Fields
attribute the success of his marriage?
These and other views on marriage have been distilled in the quotes that follow.
Read them along with your spouse to be.

Newlyweds...
 A man in the house is worth two in the street. Mae West
 All tragedies are finishd by a death, All comedies are ended by
a marriage.George Gordon, Lord Byron
 Always get married in the morning. That way, if it doesnt work
out, you havent wasted a whole day.Mickey Rooney
 Both in the lower and middle classes the wise-acres urge young men "to
think it over before taking the decisive step. Thus they foster the delusion
that the choice of a wife or husband may be governed by a certain number of
accurately weighable pros and cons. This is a crude delusion on the part of
common sense.Denis de Roughemont
 By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, youll be happy. If
you get a bad one, youll become a philosopher.Socrates
 I feel sure that no girl could go to the altar, and would probably refuse,
if she knew all.Queen Victoria
 I was married by a Judge. I should have asked for a jury.George
Burns
 Keep you eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.Benjamin
Franklin
 Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.Ambrose Bierce
 Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.Georg Christoph
Lichtenberg
 Love is the human condition that exists when the satisfaction or security
of another person becomes as significant to one as ones own satisfaction or
security.Unknown
 Maidens! Why should you worry in choosing whom you shall marry? Choose
whom you may, you will find you have got somebody else.John Hay
 Marriage can be compared to a cage: birds outside it despair to enter,
and birds within, to escape.Richard Brinsley Sherid
 Marriage is a fight to the death. Before contracting it, the two parties
concerned implore the benediction of Heaven, because to promise to love each
other forever is the rashest of enterprises.Honore de Balzac
 Marriage is a good deal like a circus: There is not as much in it as
is represented in the advertising.Edgar Watson Howe
 Marriage is a great institution, but Im not ready for an institution.Mae
West
 Marriage is grand. Divorce is ten grand!Rev. Dr. Adamovich
 Marriageable girls as well as mothers understand the terms and perils
of the lottery called wedlock. That is why women weep at a wedding and men smile.Honore
de Balzac
 Marry in haste; repent at your leisure.William Congreve
 Men are April when they woo, December when they wed: Maids are May when
they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives.William Shakespeare
 Most people marry upon mingled motives, between convenience and inclination.Dr.
Johnson
 My advice to girls; first, dont smoketo excess; second dont
drinkto excess; third, dont marryto excess.Mark Twain
 My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry
me.Winston Churchill
 One of the best thins about marriage is that it gets young people to
bed at a decent hour.M.M. Musselman
 Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if
she were a man.Joseph Joubert
 Propinquity does it.Mrs. Humphrey Ward
 The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
and then marry him.Cher
 They gave each other a smile with a future in it.Ring Lardner
 To take a wife merely as an agreeable and rational companion, will commonly
be found to be a grand mistake.Lord Chesterfield
 When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the
inattention of one.Helen Rosland
 When a women gets marries its like jumping into a hole in the ice
in the middle of winter: You do it once, and you remember it the rest of your
days.Maxim Gorky
 When an old man marries, death laughs.German Proverb
 When two people love each other, they dont look at each other,
they look in the same direction.Ginger Rogers
 Who findeth a wife findeth a good thing.Proverbs 18:22
 You cant change a man, no-ways. By he time his Mummy turns him
loose and he takes up with some innocent woman and marries her, hes what
he is.Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

Married With Children...
 "Are you lost, daddy?" I asked tenderly. "Shut up,"
he explained.Ring Lardner
 A father is a banker provided by nature.French Proverb
 A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied
by a mother who sees that they all get it.Marcelene Cox
 As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband
gets home from work, then, hey, Ive done my job.Roseanne Barr
 Before I got married I had six theories on children; now I have six children
and no theories.John Wilmot
 Children arent happy with nothing to ignore, And thats what
parents were created for.Ogden Nash
 Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their
food, and tyrannize their teachers.Socrates
 Cleaning your house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling
the walk before it stops snowing.Phyllis Diller
 Death and taxes and childbirth! Theres never any convenient time
for any of them.Margaret Mitchell
 Familiarly breeds contemptand children.Mark Twain
 Nervous breakdowns are hereditary. We get them from our children.Graffito
 Never raise your hand at your childrenit leaves your midsection
unprotected.Robert Orben
 Parenthood remains the single greatest preserve of the amateur.Alvin
Toffler
 Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet.Bill
Cosby
 People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one.Leo
Burke
 Thank God kids never mean well.Lily Tomlin
 The boy, of all wild beasts, is the most unmanageable.Plato
 The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to
be a credit to them.Bertrand Russell
 The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they
have a common enemy.Sam Levenson
 The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey
their children.King Edward VIII
 The value of marriage in not that adults produce children, but that children
produce adults.Peter de Vries
 There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.Richard
Benchley
 Women who miscalculate are called "mothers.".Abigail
Van Buren
 You should have seen what a fine-looking man he was before he had children.Arapesh
Tribesman

Homefries...
 A different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.George
Eliot
 A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other guardian of
his solitude.Rainer Maria Rilke
 A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been removed.Helen
Rowland
 A light wife doth make a heavy husband.William Shakespeare
 A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.Zsa
Zsa Gabor
 A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesnt want to
be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.W. Somerset Maugham
 A man who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his moth shut and
his checkbook open.Groucho Marx
 A married couple are well suited when both partners usually feel the
need for a quarrel at the same time.Jean Rostand
 Alfred, Lord Tennyson, was discussing a particularly unhappy marriage
with another acquaintance of the couple. The marriage was a pity, said Tennysons
companion, because with any other spouse either of the two unfortunates might
have been happy. "By any other arrangement," Tennyson replied, "four
people would have been unhappy instead of two."
 Bachelors should be heavily taxed. Its not fair that some men should
be happier than others.Oscar Wilde
 Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve
you; after marriage, he wont even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.Helen
Rowland
 Every one of you hat his particular plague, and my wife is mine; and
he is very happy who hath this only.Pittacus
 I am glad I am not a man, for if I were, Id be obliged to marry
a woman.Madame de Stael
 I have known more men destroyed by the desire to have wife and child
and to keep them in comfort than I have seen destroyed by drinks and harlots.W.
B. Yeats
 I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.Adela
Rogers St. John
 In marriage a man becomes slack and selfish and undergoes a fatty degeneration
of the spirit.Robert Louis Stevenson
 In matters of religion and matrimony I never give any advice, because
I will not have anybodys torments in this world or the next laid to my
charge.Lord Chesterfield
 It destroys ones nerves to be amiable every day to the same human
being.Benjamin Disraeli
 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling
woman in a wide house.Proverbs
 It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that
it is more difficult to be witty every day than to produce the occasional bon
mot.Honore de Balzac
 Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to
his success.Jim Backus
 Margaret Thatchers husband, Dennis, was once asked who wore the
pants in his family. "I do," he replied. "And I also wash and
iron them."
 Marriage is the aftermath of love.Noel Coward
 Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a
muddy horsepond.Thomas Love Peacock
 Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything:
familiarly.Honore de Balzac
 Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated;
often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who come between
them.Sydney Smith
 Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry
later; for another they die earlier.H. L. Mencken
 My toughest fight was my first wife.Muhammad Ali
 My wife doesnt care what I do when Im away, as long as I
dont have a good time.Lee Trevino
 No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to
discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.H. L. Mencken
 Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to
let her think she is having her own way, and the other, to let her have it.Lyndon
B. Johnson
 Spouses are impediments to great enterprises.Francis Bacon
 The critical period in matrimony is breakfast time.Phyllis Diller
 The female of the species is more deadly than the male.Rudyard
Kipling
 The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the
violin.Honore de Balzac
 The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband being big
enough to step back and see where the wife is wrong.Archie Bunker
 Why does a woman work ten years to change a mans habits and then
complain that hes not the man she married?Barbara Streisand
 Wives are people who feel they dont dance enough.Groucho
Marx
 You can bear you own faults, and why not a fault in you wife?.Benjamin
Franklin

Golden Years...
 A gentleman who had been very unhappy in marriage, married immediately
after his wife died: Johnson said, it was the triumph of hope over experience.Dr.
Johnson
 A good husband should always bore his wife.Fred. Jacob
 A lady of forty-seven who has been married twenty-seven years and has
six children knows what love really is and described it for me like this: "Love
is what youve been through with somebody."James Thurber
 A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his
wife.Edgar Watson Howe
 Absence sharpens love; presence strengthens it.Thomas Fuller
 American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English
women only hope to find in their butlers.W. Somerst Maugham
 An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just
as if she werent.Sacha Guitry
 Any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting and significant
than any romance, however passionate.W. H. Auden
 At the end of what is called the "sexual life," the only love
which has lasted is the love which has everything, every disappointment, every
failure, and every betrayal, which has accepted even the sad fact that in the
end there is no desire so deep as the simple desire for companionship.Graham
Greene
 Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny
threads, which sew people together through the years.Simone Signoret
 Even the God of Calvin never judged anyone as harshly as married couples
judge each other.Wilfred Sheed
 I married beneath myself. All women do.Lady Astor
 In marriage do you be wise: Prefer the person before money, virtue before
beauty, the mind before the body; then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion,
a second self.William Penn
 It was an unspoken pleasure, that having come together so many years,
ruined so much and repaired a little, we had endured.Lillian Hellman
 Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man
or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter
of a century.Mark Twain
 Mahatma Gandhi was what women wish husbands were: thin, tan, and moral.Anonymous
 Man and wife make one fool.Ben Johnson
 Marriage from Love, like vinegar from wineA sad, sour, sober beverageby
Time Is sharpened from its high celestial flavor Down to a very homely household
savor.George Gordon, Lord Byron
 Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes.J.
B. Priestly
 Marriage is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly
of the chaise lounge.Mrs. Patrick Campbell
 Marriage is the perfection which love aimed at, ignorant of what it sought.Ralph
Waldo Emerson
 Marriage is the permanent conversation between two people who talk over
everything and everyone until death breaks the record.Cyril Connolly
 One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.Groucho
Marx
 One should never know too precisely whom one has married.Friedrich
Nietzsche
 One was never married, and thats his hell; another is, and thats
his plague.Robert Burton
 The actress Dame Sybil Thorndike was married to another actor, Sir Lewis
Casson. After his death, Dame Thorndike was asked whether the couple had ever
considered divorce. "Divorce?" she said. "Never. But murder,
often!"
 The love we have in our youth is superficial compared to the love that
an old man has for his old wife.Will Durant
 The only reason I took up jogging was so that I could hear heavy breathing
again.Erma Bombeck
 There is little difference between husbands you might as well keep the
first.Adela Robers St. Jon
 There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion,
or company than a good marriage.Martin Luther
 There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see
eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting
their friends.Homer
 There isnt a wife in the world who has not taken the exact measure
of her husband, weighed him and settled him in her own mind, and knows him as
well as if she had ordered him after designs and specifications of her own.Charles
Dudley Warner
 Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin; but twenty years
of marriage make her something like a public building.Oscar Wilde
 We study ourselves three weeks, we love each other three months, we squabble
three years, we tolerate each other thirty years, and then the children start
all over again.Hippolyte Taine
 What makes your marriage work?
 Robert Mitchum, after forty-two years of marriage, said, "Lack of
imagination, I suppose."
 Rodney Dangerfield said, "We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner
apart, we take separate vacations - were doing everything we can to keep
our marriage together."
 We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children?
Well, she and I were.Mort Sahl
 What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one, when filled with
dismay, to turn to his wife.Finley Peter Dunne
 When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that
you will be able to converse well with this woman into your old age?"Friedrich
Nietzsche
 Wives are young mens mistresses, companions for middle age, and
old mens nurses.Francis Bacon

Miscellaneous

 Strike an average between
what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she
thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L.
Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916
 The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.
~Peter De Vries
 Marriage ceremony: an incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and
the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. ~O.C. Ogilvie
 Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. ~Author
Unknown A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor Bigamy is having one
husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde Spouse: someone who'll
stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
~Author Unknown I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest
of your life. ~Rita Rudner  Marriage means commitment.
Of course, so does insanity. ~Author Unknown Marriage is a great
institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. ~Mae West My wife says I never
listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. ~Author Unknown I never knew what real
happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman Marriage, n. A community
consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose
Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Don't marry the person
you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live
without. ~Dr. James C. Dobson I have great hopes that
we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at
all. ~Lord Byron Mistress: something
between a mister and a mattress. ~Author Unknown Mother-in-law: a woman
who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. ~Author
Unknown Bachelor: the only man
who has never told his wife a lie. ~Author Unknown
 Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~Author Unknown Divorce: The past tense
of marriage. ~Author Unknown How can a woman be expected
to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly
normal human being. ~Oscar Wilde More marriages might
survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
~Doug Larson Many a man in love with
a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. ~Stephen Leacock, Literary
Lapses, 1910 The most dangerous food
is wedding cake. ~American Proverb Home cooking: where
many a man thinks his wife is. ~Author Unknown Love: A temporary insanity
curable by marriage. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary Marriage is not a word
- it is a sentence. ~Author Unknown There is so little difference
between husbands you might as well keep the first. ~Adela Rogers St. Johns When a man steals your
wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~Sacha Guitry, Elles
et toi, 1948 It isn't tying himself
to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself
from all the others. ~Helen Rowland, Violets and Vinegar Once a woman has forgiven
her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. ~Marlene Dietrich Only choose in marriage
a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. ~Joseph Joubert Never strike your wife
- even with a flower. ~Hindu Proverb One advantage of marriage
is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you,
it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst The difficulty with
marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.
~Peter Devries The big difference between
sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
~Brendon Behan Bride: A woman with
a fine prospect of happiness behind her. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary Sometimes I wonder if
men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and
just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn If your husband and
a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a
movie? ~Author Unknown A successful marriage
requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin What counts in making
a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with
incompatibility. ~George Levinger In every marriage more
than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue
to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson, Solitaire & Double Solitaire It destroys one's nerves
to be amiable every day to the same human being. ~Benjamin Disraeli Love-matches are made
by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a
life of vinegar. ~Countess of Blessington Never go to bed mad.
Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller Almost no one is foolish
enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field
of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success
in marriage. ~Sydney J. Harris The husband who doesn't
tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt
him. ~Leo J. Burke If you made a list of
reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their
divorce, you'd have a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin Married life teaches
one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.
~Jefferson Machamer It's easy to understand
love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking
at each other for years? ~Author Unknown A man marries to have
a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that
sort of thing. ~W. Somerset Maugham The majority of husbands
remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~Honore de Balzac, The
Physiology of Marriage Never marry for money.
Ye'll borrow it cheaper. ~Scottish Proverb Do you know what it
means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little
affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what
it means. ~Henny Youngman The problem with marriage
is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every
morning before breakfast. ~Gabriel García Márquez She cried, and the judge
wiped her tears with my checkbook. ~Tommy Manville By all means marry;
if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become
a philosopher. ~Socrates Before marriage, a girl
has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to
make love to him. ~Marilyn Monroe English Law prohibits
a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.
~Author Unknown A wedding anniversary
is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The
order varies for any given year. ~Paul Sweeney Bachelors know more
about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. ~H.L. Mencken Two mothers-in-law.
~Lord John Russell, on being asked what he would consider a proper punishment
for bigamy A psychiatrist asks
a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. ~Joey Adams Matrimony is a process
by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. ~Francis Rodman A question asked in
a Surrey school exam went: "Why do cocks crow early every morning?"
A twelve-year-old replied: "My dad says they have to make the most of it
while the hens are asleep." ~Quoted in the Peterborough Daily Telegraph,
1983 A man may be a fool
and not know it, but not if he is married. ~H.L. Mencken One shouldn't be too
inquisitive in life. Either about God's secrets or one's wife.~Chaucer, The
Canterbury Tales I have learned that
only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think
she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. ~Lyndon Baines Johnson Marriage - a book of
which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.
~Beverley Nichols A happy marriage is
a long conversation which always seems too short. ~Author Unknown When a girl marries,
she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. ~Helen
Rowland Before marriage, a man
declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't
even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. ~Helen Rowland Being divorced is like
being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully
to the right and to the left. ~Jean Kerr, Mary, Mary, 1960 A wedding is just like
a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. ~Grace Hansen Marriage is a feast
where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. ~Charles Caleb Colton I've been married to
one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out. ~Lee
Grant A dress that zips up
the back will bring a husband and wife together. ~James H. Boren Often the difference
between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three
or four things a day unsaid. ~Harlan Miller The secret of a happy
marriage remains a secret. ~Henny Youngman Marriage is a mistake
every man should make. ~George Jessel I guess walking slow
getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind. ~Virginia
Cary Hudson, O Ye Figs and Juleps, 1962 A husband is what is
left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted. ~Helen Rowland My husband and I divorced
over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. ~Author Unknown All marriages are happy.
It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. ~Raymond Hull The concern that some
women show at the absence of their husbands does not arise from their not seeing
them and being with them, but from the apprehension that their husbands are
enjoying pleasures in which they do not participate, and which, from their being
at a distance, they have not the power of interrupting. ~Michel de Montaigne I never married because
there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as
a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all
afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. ~Marie Corelli Never feel remorse for
what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about
you. ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927 Marriage: A word which
should be pronounced "mirage." ~Herbert Spencer If I ever marry, it
will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself. ~H.L. Mencken Hubert Humphrey talks
so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your
wife turning the pages. ~Barry Goldwater Men have a much better
time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they
die earlier. ~H.L. Mencken I dreamed of a wedding
of elaborate elegance, A church filled with family and friends. I asked him
what kind of a wedding he wished for. He said one that would make me his wife.~Author
Unknown Getting divorced just
because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because
you do. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor Any intelligent woman
who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
~Isadora Duncan Love may be blind but
marriage is a real eye-opener! ~Author Unknown Three rings of marriage
are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown Marriage is like a bank
account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. ~Irwin Corey If you want to sacrifice
the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
~Katharine Houghton Hepburn Love, the strongest
and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy;
love, the defier of laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful
molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous
with that poor little State- and church-begotten weed, marriage? ~Emma Goldman,
Marriage and Love On rare occasions one
does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage,
but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the
inevitable. ~Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love Marriage is a wonderful
invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~Billy Connolly Marriage is good for
those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. ~St. Jerome, Attack on Jovinian A great poet has seldom
sung of lawfully wedded happiness, but of free and secret love; and in this
respect, too the time is coming when there will no longer be one standard of
morality for poetry and another for life. To anyone tender of conscience, the
ties formed by a free connection are stronger than the legal ones. ~Ellen Key,
quoted by Sprading in Liberty and the Great Libertarians Men who have a pierced
ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
~Rita Rudner A good marriage would
be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. ~Michel de Montaigne, Essays It is easier to be a
lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty
every day than to say pretty things from time to time. ~Balzac, Physiologie
du mariage, 1829 When you realize you
want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your
life to start as soon as possible. ~From the movie When Harry Met Sally It's a funny thing that
when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
~Robert Frost Someone asked me why
women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that
we don't have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact,
women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. ~Gloria Steinem If you want to read
about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. ~Alan King Marriage is like a phone
call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. ~Evelyn Hendrickson If you are afraid of
loneliness, do not marry. ~Chekho The Wedding March always
reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle. ~Heinrich Heine
Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of
the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as
are out wish to get in? ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Representative Men, 1850 When a man opens a car
door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~Prince Philip, 1988 You should never kiss
a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause
she'll want to have videos of the wedding. ~Jim, age 10 It gives me a headache
to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble.
~Kenny, age 7, when asked if it's better to be single or married Marriage is a bribe
to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. ~Thornton Wilder No married man is genuinely
happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
~H.L. Mencken Marriage is an alliance
entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who
can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw Marriage, a market which
has nothing free but the entrance. ~Michel de Montaigne I'd marry again if I
found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to
me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within the year. ~Bette Davis Men should keep their
eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. ~Madeleine de Scudery Marrying for love may
be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. ~Josh
Billings Politics doesn't make
strange bedfellows - marriage does. ~Groucho Marx Why does a woman work
ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she
married? ~Barbra Streisand No man is regular in
his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married. ~Benjamin Disraeli In olden times sacrifices
were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued. ~Helen Rowland He's the kind of man
a woman would have to marry to get rid of. ~Mae West The concept of two people
living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit
only to be admired in sheep. ~A.P. Herbert Never get married in
the morning - you never know who you might meet that night. ~Paul Hornung
Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer
finds you've already made one mistake. ~Elbert Hubbard