Recently I came across a Sweetheart Candy(T)–pink thong in the laundry. As I held it up, my wife said it was my 14-year-old daughter’s. “She got it for her birthday,” she said, adding, with defensive emphasis, “from a girlfriend,” as if to head off at the pass any thoughts I might have that it was from a boyfriend … or, perhaps, from my wife, or … that it was my wife’s, or … that it was from my wife’s boyfriend?

Anyway, without thinking, I asked what we were going to do about it, which sounded as if this article of apparel constituted an act of aggression that should not stand, as though we should consider some sort of embargo or pre-emptive strike if our thong-disarmament talks failed. She shrugged her shoulders and said I could do whatever I thought best. After giving it some thought, I realized the theory and practice of female underpants are really outside my area of expertise. So, I’d like to ask Doves & Serpents readers what they think one should do in a circumstance like this.

Am I overreacting? Should I just be glad she’s wearing underpants? I’ve heard some people say thongs might be worn for comfort, and that idea had never occurred to me. I always thought if water-boarding didn’t work with suspected terrorists, next on the list was forced thong-wearing. How comfortable is a thong?

Of course, it goes without saying that readers giving a response to this question do so without any personal experience.

A final question: why would I never have a 60 second mental struggle over one of my boys switching from boxers to briefs?

9 Comments

Many people wear thongs to prevent underwear lines with certain clothing- which, in a way, is more modest (not drawing attention to your undies). I wouldn’t panic, but then…. in my family, a kid would get teased pretty mercily for choosing to wear butt floss:)

Oh please do absolutely nothing. I will need therapy for the rest of my life as a result of my Dad thinking he had any say in my underwear choices/physical development as a teenage girl.

You obviously haven’t noticed any alarming behavior as a result of her wearing a thong. Give her the privacy and decency she deserves as a young adult. (I mean, you did already post about her underwear on the web. Unless you are certain you have other children capable of caring for you in your old age, I’d stop now before she mentally demotes you to a rest-home where butt-floss is the least of your worries.)

Stephanie, thanks for your comments. Smooth Operator asked his questions anonymously, so, I think your concerns in that regard are greatly minimized. Personally, I think he runs a greater risk of getting his wife mad at him. You should note his tendency to exaggerate (hence the title “Nearly True”), even borrowing some of his self-mocking rhetoric from The Big Lebowski himself. I suspect Smooth Operator rarely gets alarmed at anything, especially not his daughter over something as inconsequential as her underwear, and I’ll be sure to pass along your advice about privacy and decency, which I’m sure he’ll agree with 100%.

I would also react differently to my daughter switching from Hanes Her Way bikinis/briefs to a thong than if my son switched from boxers to briefs. Why is that? Men’s underwear choices are not as sexualized as women’s?

Remember the uproar (deserved, IMO) when Abercrombie was marketing thongs for the tween set?

Before going through the temple I wore thongs almost exclusively…no panty lines. If my dad (or my mom, actually)had thought he got to have a vote in my underwear choice, I’d have died. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

I hear ya’, Br. Operator. If my daughter made that choice of skivvies, I would fear she was doing it “to be seen of men”, and that would cause me to go from zero to full freak-out in 1.5 seconds flat. I would be carrying on the fine tradition of men acting as the self-appointed arbiters of female sexual behavior, but the simple fact is that the idea of our babies, boys or girls, growing up to become sexual beings takes some getting used to.

Boxers v. briefs, maybe a more apt comparison would be going from boxers to a jock strap. I, uh, might have hypothetically known some guys who did that in high school and they, ah, might have hypothetically told me that it made them feel all virile and manly. Maybe some of that is going on in the opposite direction with your daughter.

Seriously, this shouldn’t be something to be concerned about. Several of my BYU roommates wore thong underwear exclusively, to eliminate panty-lines and because they said it was more comfortable once you got used to it. These were morally upstanding women. They weren’t obsessed with men, either.

When I hit college I’d never worn anything aside from white cotton Hanes briefs. My parents were authoritarian types who had to scrutinize and approve all of my clothing purchases including underwear (which I found so awkward that my first non-sports bra purchase was at 18, after I’d left home). My parents have since loosened up slightly and they now allow my younger sisters to go shopping unsupervised. My sisters love Pink and Aerie and their bedrooms are littered with colorful underwear and bras. They are also awesome, well-adjusted girls and they seem much more comfortable with their bodies than I’ve ever been.

You don’t sound like an over-controlling parent, but I think that treating a thong like a “problem” or an indicator of immoral intentions will probably just make your daughter and your wife resentful and embarrassed. I’m guessing that men (maybe LDS men in particular?) tend to see women’s underwear as primarily sexual, whereas to women who wear women’s underwear on a regular basis, it’s not necessarily sexual. Granted, what we think looks good may be conditioned by cultural standards of sexiness, but most women like their underwear to look good to themselves even when nobody else is ever going to see it. It’s just part of a healthy self-image.

You dont need to do anything. This is a really normal age to be experimenting with different parts of your personality. I don’t think it has to be sexual, but even if it is it is so good that she is doing it now. In your house. Where you can help her avoid really horrific mistakes! Anyway, I hope this comment sounds really judgemental because my daughter just switched from diapers to Dora the Explorer underwear and I still like to feel like I have all the answers about teenagers. Thanks and good luck.