Maria

BERTHE:
She climbs a tree
And scrapes her knee
Her dress has got a tear.

SOPHIA:
She waltzes on her way to mass
And whistles on the stair.

BERTHE:
And underneath her wimpole
She has curlers in her hair!

SOPHIA:
I ever hear her singing in the abbey.

BERTHE:
She's always late for chapel,

MARGARETTA:
But her penitence is real.

BERTHE:
She's always late for everything,
Except for every meal.

MOTHER ABBESS:
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel

BERTHE AND SOPHIA:
Maria's not an asset to the abbey!

MARGARETTA:
I'd like to say a word in her behalf.
Maria makes me laugh!

SOPHIA:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?

MOTHER ABBESS:
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

MARGARETTA:
How do you find a word that means Maria?

BERTHE:
A flibberti gibbet!

SOPHIA:
A willo' the wisp!

MARGARETTA:
A clown!

MOTHER ABBESS:
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.

MARGARETTA:
But how do you make her stay
And listen to all you say,

MOTHER ABBESS:
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?

MARGARETTA:
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?

MOTHER ABBESS:
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

MARGARETTA:
When I'm with her I'm confused,
Out of focus and bemused,
And I never know exactly where I am.

SOPHIA:
Unpredictable as weather,
She's as flighty as a feather,

MARGARETTA:
She's a darling,

BERTHE:
She's a demon,

MARGARETTA:
She's a lamb.

SOPHIA:
She'd out-pester any pest,
Drive a hornet from his nest,

BERTHE:
She can throw a whirling dervish
Out of whirl.

MARGARETTA:
She is gentle,
She is wild,

SOPHIA:
She's a riddle.

MARGARETTA:
She's a child.

BERTHE:
She's a headache!

MARGARETTA:
She's an angel!

MOTHER ABBESS:
She's a girl.

ALL NUNS:
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a clown and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Maria?
A flibberti gibbet!
A willo' the wisp!
A clown!
Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her,
Many a thing she ought to understand.
But how do you make her say,
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?