I’m not sure why the person chose to use this particular submission today – especially since this piece was from 2015. But for some reason, the winds of the Holy Spirit were in motion, and I needed to hear something. As she continued to read this devotional at the meeting, tears were streaming down my face.

How do I become someone I’m not? I’m so, so tired trying to be I suppose this has been a question almost 45 years in the making. From the time we are young, we are conditioned to “fit in.” Our consumerist culture encourages us to want what our neighbors have. The visible lives of our friends seem so ideal compared to what we have, yet we do not know their challenges.

To me, my life seems scattered, second-tier and, in many ways, pathetic. I hold myself up to the world’s standards, and I see only my shortcomings.

My gifts and accomplishments, on the other hand, were missing from my view. I’m probably harder on myself than others are on me. But for me my shortcomings are front and center – staring me in the face – as to poke fun at the gifts I lack.

What I forget is that all of you have shortcomings as well – they may just be a bit different than mine. And all of you have gifts as well – they may also be a bit different than mine.

Then there are the times when I wish I could have the talents and interests of the people closest to me. I’ve spent almost 45 years trying to fit this square peg into a round hole. The work of conforming and remodeling ourselves to fit others’ expectations becomes exhausting. At some point of our lives, we no longer have the energy to mold ourselves to their liking. At some point, we must just become ok with who we are.

Now, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t continue to work on our shortcomings. But we need to stop being so hard on ourselves because of them. I am not good at everything. (Obviously) I am NOT good at everything. I will never be. At nearly 45 years old I need to come to terms that I am not good at every single task, and I am not interested in accomplishing everything.

But here is what I need to do:

First of all, I need to ask for help for my growing edges. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. (For people like me who struggle asking for help, I’ll repeat myself: there is nothing wrong asking for help.) Because I am not talented in every aspect of life, this means that some activities will not come easy to me. As humans and children of God, we are called to work together to use our gifts to assist others who struggle.

Secondly, there are some gifts I do not have. I will never have these gifts. I will never be a talented singer, be a star of a movie, hike Kilimanjaro, skydive, or a number of other things. And I am becoming fine with this.

Third, it’s time for me to begin focusing on the ways I excel and where I want to invest in my passions. Forty-five is not old. But it is the beginning of life’s second act. God is calling me to use whatever energy I may have to strengthen this world and the people within it. I am gifted at artwork, marketing and writing. I no longer need to explain away how I will never be a triathlon competitor, raw sushi connoisseur and lover of Tarantino films.

Like this devotion, it’s time for me and all of us to be firm in who we are. Psalm 139 reminds us that this is who God created me to be. This. Here and now. I am gifted and flawed. I have ways that I can still grow. I hold in my heart many things I still want to accomplish. But I am Michelle. I have been for 45 years, and I will be for the remainder of my life. I must live in my own skin and with my own mind.

As the devotional says: “we can confidently live as the people God created us to be.” How liberating it is for each of us to claim that reality! No longer do I have to live as others expect me to live. This is who I am – made by God in the image of God.

Like much of the greater Cincinnati area, I’ve been following the progress of the young hippopotamus Fiona. It’s amazing and inspirational to see her improvement each week. Likewise, I pop in to see how the gestational period of April the giraffe is progressing. It’s a nice distraction from the tough stories we read about in the news or the difficulties in our own lives.

But as we focus our attention on April and Fiona, what is going on with the stories we don’t hear much about?

The other day, I saw a story on how 14 young women of color went missing in the Washington D.C. area in one day. The information was not correct. However, as solid facts became more visible, we still see a pattern of young people (especially women) of color disappearing in the area. While the numbers have been decreasing in the past couple of years, there is still concern for the number of women of color who are missing.

Assumptions are made on their disappearance, believing that they ran away instead of considering that something more sinister is happening, like kidnapping and human trafficking. If the young women did run away, some have not been investigating why they left as there could be abuse in the home. Little media attention has been given to the issue – especially if the missing person is a person of color.

While the false claims of the initial post drew me into the conversation, as I did more investigating online, I still noticed that young women of color were still not given the media attention they deserved.

And while I love to see hippo Fiona making progress and giraffe April waiting to have her calf, our call is to make certain that news stories about marginalized human beings have just as much media attention.

Do we pay more attention to animals and some human beings of privilege than other human beings in our society? Do people who are marginalized feel like the Syrophoenician woman in Mark 7, just wanting the equivalent of attention to their well-being as we give Fiona the hippo or April the giraffe?

What can we do to be an active part of making people aware of critical issues? First and foremost, we work to ensure that we are following and reposting information that is factual. Secondly, we post information that can raise awareness of issues of groups of people who have been largely ignored by news stories. We talk about these issues in our worship services and in other faith formation opportunities in our congregations. Third, we work to remove our own biases to see that humans very different than us are experiencing real challenges in their lives that we cannot understand. We avoid assuming that their behaviors are done out of defiance and rebelliousness and, instead, ask for investigations into why they are missing or leaving home.

It’s a wonderful break from the ugliness in our world to see Fiona growing and April about to give birth. But through social media and our networks, we are given the opportunity to discover what is going on with our sisters and brothers on this earth and work to guarantee that they are treated as we would want to be treated. Young women of color’s lives matter, they are children of God and made in God’s image.

This week, brave shero Jennifer Aniston wrote this brilliant op-ed on the Huffington Post regarding her frustration with the media for scrutinizing her body and family structure. She has previously spoken out on these frustrations and chose to write a public post after some elaborate false reports that she was pregnant were plastered all over the internet. In her most recent piece, Jennifer noted:

Here’s where I come out on this topic: we are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples. Let’s make that decision consciously, outside of the tabloid noise. We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.

While the interrogation of my life never usually includes whether or not I’m pregnant, there are similar questions circling me whenever I’ve been in a significant relationship for a while:

Have you started talking about getting married?Do you think you two will get married someday?Do you think he wants to get married someday?When do you think you’ll get married?You think he’ll propose during (fill in the blank)?

Admittedly, being interrogated like this was much much worse in my early 20’s when everyone around me was pairing up and getting engaged. When I wasn’t dating, I was being grilled with the “are you dating someone” questions. And if I was married, I would be asked when I would be starting a family.

All I want to say in my increasing anxiety and frustration is “BACK OFF!”

Now, I don’t mind a question like this from my six year old niece because children have no filter to their curiosity. But a thirty, forty or seventy-something should know better.

I get it: people really want to see me get my “happily ever after.” Or maybe they are just curious. Or maybe there are one or two people out there who really want to know how my life has not come together. Who knows… Overall, it makes me feel invaded, odd and, in many ways, shamed for what I have or have not done yet with my life.

I must confess that I’ve taken part in a system that places expectations on other people. I read tabloids that steal moments and fabricate stories about celebrities. I’ve asked people about the relationship in the past. And for being a part of a system that tries to pigeonhole women, I am truly sorry.

Almost two years ago, I wrote this post about Jennifer Aniston and her frustration with this checklist everyone thinks she should have accomplished. Yesterday, I watched a video of the “Magnificent Seven,” or the seven U.S. women gymnasts who won the gold medal for gymnastics in 1996. They were all in one place, updating the world on their lives and reflecting back on their stunning achievement. As one of the Olympians stated “Twenty years later, it’s good just to see that everyone’s happy, everyone’s healthy, everyone is married (and) either starting families or have families of their own.”

What if they hadn’t all gotten married or planned on starting families? Would they have been incomplete as an individual or a group?

It comes down to what we believe full completion is in a human being – especially a woman. It isn’t enough that she just is a human being caring for other human beings in the world. It isn’t enough that she is made in the image of God. She must also be married and have children. And we will keep asking those questions and begging to read more until her life finds this level of completion.

Jennifer and everyone else, I’ve grown tired of this narrative too. I’m tired of feeling like I need to explain or justify to people the progression of my relationship. I’m tired of trying to fit into the world’s expectations of what I should have accomplished by 43. It’s no one’s business except mine, my significant other’s and God’s. When the time is right, we will take our relationship to the next step…

You know what? I don’t even need to say that.

And like Jennifer, I will be the one to tell you when I’m engaged or when I’m getting married. I will be the one who tells you when anything big happens in my life… if and when I feel like it. Like Jennifer, there are things I want with my life as well. But life doesn’t happen in a prescribed time, and sometimes we just want to live without the painful reminder of what we should have.

Every time one of these questions pops into our heads about our cousins, co-workers or celebrities, maybe we need to change focus. As Paul says to the Thessalonians “we urge you, beloved to (love) more and more, to aspire to live quietly, to mind your own affairs…” It’s time for us to love one another where we are at right now without setting our minds completely on the future and what they may or may not bring.

In the meantime, I will work to enjoy the valuable small moments in life – with my significant other, with my friends and with myself. Life isn’t about waiting for the big moments. It’s about cherishing the sunshine in between the clouds.

When I was in Kindergarten, we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up. My teacher had us draw what we dreamed of being when we were older.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t see past the 1978 stereotypes and requirements of what careers women should enter. So I made a teacher-nurse – a career as a person who taught nursing.

As I got older, my plans changed just a little. For a few years, I thought I should go into dietetics. Was I passionate about the career? No. But again, it was a career in which many women were called. It was steady and safe.

Teaching and nursing and becoming a dietitian are all beautiful callings for both men and women, but they weren’t my calling. I couldn’t see past gender limitations for a career.

In fact, during my senior year of high school, I gave a speech why women shouldn’t become clergy. While I backed the speech with various scripture verses, the primary reason I believed this was because I had never seen a woman in the role of clergy. This wasn’t a valid reason for my disagreement with women in the pulpit. (I’m extremely positive God continues to laugh at this story…)

As I entered college, something in my gut told me that I should enter a career that wasn’t dominated by women. After majoring in English and working in non-profit marketing, I eventually entered seminary and began my path to becoming an ordained member of the clergy.

Now I can’t imagine a world where women aren’t in the pulpit.

Today, we shattered another barrier that limits women from certain roles or careers. This moment in history isn’t just about one particular person. I know many of you don’t like or care for our one female presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party, and that is extremely valid.

Yet, I want us to pause for one minute. In this very moment, something has shifted. It was like the shift I experienced when I saw more and more women in the pulpit. When we see women or minorities finally attaining leadership roles rarely held by them in the past, we change the framework of who is or isn’t allowed to have a particular position. We break stereotypes and preconceived notions.

When more women and people of color attain positions that exclusively went to white males ten, twenty, forty, seventy years ago, then more women and people of color are able to dream bigger than ever. Our daughters and sons who never thought they could achieve their goals now believe that they can. We can all walk a little taller because we have been reminded that all people are created equally in God’s image.

I teared up while watching the presumptive Democratic nominee speaking tonight. I write this not to endorse or criticize her. But this is to affirm her role in expanding the hopes and dreams of women and girls. When we see women in top leadership roles, our daughters and nieces and sisters and mothers will continue to believe anything is possible.

Our job isn’t to stop here however. We must continue to encourage all women in top leadership roles – including women of color, women with disabilities, and lesbian, bisexual and transgender women. When a young African American girl can see a woman like her as president of the United States someday, her dreams will expand. When a young girl with a physical disability sees a woman like her as president of the United States someday, her dreams will expand. We can’t just stop with able-bodied straight white women or the women who look like us. All women deserve to dream.

*****

All opinions here are my own and not connected with any organization or person with whom I am associated.

Program title page, Sixth Veiled Prophet Festival, 1883 produced by the Compton Litho Company via Wikimedia Commons

Confession: As a young adult living in the St. Louis area around 1992, I nixed the idea of changing the name of the fair held during the fourth of July weekend. Growing up, the festival now called Fair St. Louis was always known as the VP Fair. Why change the name, I wondered. IT’S TRADITION! I cared more about what we’ve always done and less about any symbolism and meaning behind the name VP Fair.

I didn’t realize VP meant more than just the letters V and P…

As time passed, I learned more about the Veiled Prophet Fair and all festivities connected to the twisted tradition. During their yearly Veiled Prophet Ball, young adult women from prominent families “come out” to society, with the queen nestled next to a veiled prominent older (almost exclusively white) man from the St. Louis area. When reading about the history of the Ball, one can see the Confederate roots associated with the pomp and pageantry.

In 2014, The Atlantic wrote an excellent piece on the traditions connected to the Veiled Prophet organization, adding to my education of a deeply rooted classist and racist traditions. Searching more on the organization, I stumbled upon their website. The Veiled Prophet organization stresses the philanthropic and service work done in their name. And while, undoubtedly, the organization has done wonderful things for the St. Louis area, the organization is haunted by racist symbolism in every corner – from the parade to the highly exclusive ball.

Whether it was our yearly online reminder of these annual St. Louis festivities, stories of removal of the Confederate flag, or dialogues, marches, and votes on the names of the Cleveland baseball team and District of Columbia football team that we had at UCC General Synod this week, we are examining the potential sins of symbols. Each of these traditional icons have a history in oppression. While those who honor the symbols today do not necessarily support or promote a culture of bigotry, implicitly, we are all responsible for the pain they are causing minority groups.

Each of the symbols I’ve mentioned continue to hold up an empire where some people are valued over others. The icons say that our history was fine just as it was, never mind that some people were considered less than made in God’s image.

This is more than just being “politically correct.” (I find it interesting how people of privilege always fall back on the hardship of political correctness – as if taking away a beloved symbol is worse than taking away one’s life, physical and economic freedoms, and dignity.) With black churches burning, black Christians being shot in their sanctuaries, and black women preachers physically being threatened, it’s time for us to all gather together to make sure all people have their dignity intact – whether they are a racial minority, ethnic minority – including our Native Americans, woman or other gender minority, LGBT person, religious minority, or person with a disability. It’s time for all of us to examine each symbol to make sure that the icon isn’t robbing someone of their worth. It’s time for us to prioritize people over shallow and destructive emblems, and it’s time for us to seek reconciliation for our narrow-mindedness rooted in tradition.

At this very moment I have a strong love/hate relationship
With the art that you have made,
The shape that you have molded.

Through the stress of everyday life
And delicious foods
And lack of gym time
And probably my age
My body has changed.

It’s not my most ideal self-
Not because of my looks
But because I breathe heavy climbing the stairs
And I’m a bit more fatigued than before.

I admit that I must transform,
To find my balance
To value your creation.

Allow me to see that this transformation
Isn’t about pleasing society or someone else-
This revision of myself is to become the healthy me,
The one that wants to live to 99.

Alter my mind to see that I am beautiful
No matter the girth of my arm or ankle.
(And remind me to stop calling them “cankles…”)
Alter my soul to be happy
And not lean on another cupcake to cheer me up
(Because there will be times when I think I need another cupcake…
We know this about me, God.)

In the meantime…
Lead me not into the temptation of shaming my body.
Help me to cherish each extra inch as long as it lasts on my frame
Because every inch of me is still made in your image.
And may I not duck out of photos
Due to my fear of seeing this version of myself.

And while you’re at it,
Let’s change the way society sees bodies.
Thin, fat, curvy, whatever… it is all beautiful.
Let’s stop this message about getting the bikini body back
Or losing the baby bump in record time.
Let’s savor the moments-
Of deliciousness and balance. Amen.