May 10th For Lack of a Better Title

The water spins and circles and crashes, as do my thoughts. You have become my current, pushing me, driving me, to an end I do not know. In the distance, I hear the bark of dogs’ yearning to be free. I too, long to be free. I, like the barking dogs, wish to wander freely, without chains holding me back. I would like to think you are setting me free, for I know you are untying me. It reminds me of a song, “from the moment you set me free, was the moment you captured me.” As I write, my own dog pulls on her leash, wishing to race into the world. I wish I could set her free, but she is naive in the ways of this cruel world, and to send her to her death. I too must be kept leashed I suppose, for while I know there are dangers and challenges to overcome, for one to come to me at the wrong moment, would leave me defenseless. Maybe I must be leashed for my safety, but leashes can be passed to a more caring owner. Is it you who ties me next? Take care of me, and in turn, I shall always care for you. My quiet place by the river is captured by the shouts and romps of children ignorant of my existence here. Not until I raise my head do they notice me in the hollow. Children, I called them, but I have not many more years than they do. Yet, they are so much younger than I, unknowing to the fears, pains, and passions of the world. It is growing colder as the sky changes from pale blue to gray. I must return to my home, but tonight home does not await me. Tonight I have no home. In the house where I live in there is no one to greet me at the door or any golden light shining through the windows above. Tonight I cried I rarely cry, but tonight was different. I am alone. I am not a child, but I have a child’s fears. I am not an adult, yet I am trusted with adult responsibilities. My life and the river are one tonight. I am no longer in the safe shallows, but the crashing rapids. One day, not long from now (how I wish it was not so), I will be in the wide part of the river. The rapids are hard and dangerous, but they will be short. At the end of the journey, my time on that part of the river will be the part I remember most vividly. This is my part of the river, so close to my home, bringing me closer to you. Will you paddle with me on my river or watch me as the current pulls us apart?

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