Love Poems in Adar

It is Adar and I am Ester,terrified of my own power;terrified that life's disasters may have meaningbeyond my control.In light of life's crises I have questions:Is my loss someone else's gain?Am I here for "a reason"?Is God hiding yet moving the pieces?Am I just a piece on a chessboard? Was Esther?

Was she abducted and violated and married-offwith no choiceall to save a People?And does that make it okay?One life compromised. Many lives saved.We overlook the pillaging of Esther.We celebrate it!Such an upside-down holiday, this.

I know the lesson of this year's scroll of life.I know I am to find power within the absence of control;to find power within the things I can control.But I am terrified of how badly I want you to smile at me

I am drunk on my past and futureI am standing at their crossroadsI do not know if you are a Haman or a MordechaiI do not know if a step toward you is a step forward or backIt is Adar and I am Esther and I knowI must claim my placemy peoplemy powerand I know I must leave it to youto write yourself into my storyor not