Weekend Ar(t)s: The state of zombie preparedness

Survival condos recently sold out in Kansas. Know your options.

During the weekend, even Ars takes an occasional break from considering the state of e-health or salivating over what's at E3. Weekend Ar(t)s is a chance to share what we're watching/listening to/reading or otherwise consuming this week.

One bit of recent, gruesome news is all the Internet needed to restart the zombie frenzy. This pandemonium is nothing new. Any season of The Walking Dead brings out undead-theory subscribers. Certainly next spring's film version of World War Z will too (Brad Pitt + zombies may be the only thing more exciting than, Abraham Lincoln + vampires, right?).

The truth is zombie awareness never really goes away. Rather, it just creeps closer and closer to becoming an authentic part of life. Want evidence? Note the following very tangible options anyone can choose to prepare in light of any zombie interest boom.

Zombie-inspired fitness

The state of zombie speed and agility is the subject of a long-standing debate (see Wired, Slate, USA Today). Survivalists apparently assume the worst: undead armies will move like Olympians and physical fitness will be key to survival. It's the only explanation for something like ZombieFit.

ZombieFit is an exercise class offered in Illinois to, "help you prepare for the impossible, so you will be ready for the improbable." The folks behind this initiative believe in simple skills for success: lifting or throwing heavy things, running fast and far, weaving through urban settings efficiently. If you're not a local, the site offers daily workouts suggestions online that combine cardio, power workouts, and parkour elements to help participants reach peak apocalypse shape. Combine it with, say an augmented reality app like Zombies, RUN, and you should be ready to participate in your first Run for Your Lives 5k (as a human naturally).

If you think 5Ks are spreading, check out the infected version.

Zombie-inspired habitats

Malls, churches, prisons—plenty of structures have been fictionally tested as anti-undead accommodations. Naturally, something had to be put into actual practice and realtors in Kansas stepped up to the plate.

The Survival Condos are fashioned out of a 1960s military-built silo, formerly an Atlas "F" missile base. The original purpose was nuclear safe haven, but based on its features a zombie commune would work quite well. Concrete walls envelop the entire thing, between two-and-a-half to nine feet thick. Between 36 and 70 people can live off the grid in the facility for more than five years. There's a water reservoir with purification system, an air supply cleaned by NBC (Nuclear, Biological, and Chemical) filters, and a military-level security system that requires training for all residents. As Buzzfeed points out, they even have guns in the case of massive hoards (or so we assume).

Full-floor condo suites run $2 million (with half-floor options for half of that), but that price includes the space, the training, the rations, and the peace of mind. Unfortunately, a recent sale is pending that would fill the final vacancies. Seriously.

Zombie-inspired survival guides

It's not worth spilling too much ink over zombie literature since the offerings are varied and vast. But to complete the theme of preparedness, some information on survival is essential.

The most revered has to be Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide. This is the text that spawned World War Z, as well as spin-offs like the The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks comic or this odd deck of cards. It's the most comprehensive text to date; providing a breakdown of historic attacks, differences in zombie traits by type of zombie, and guides to both shelters and weapons. The book turns 10 next year but it's still the go-to zombie field guide.

For a quick, cliff notes alternative...try the CDC. The government agency provides its own official guide. The agency claims it was a tongue-in-cheek endeavor to start, but the guide remains live on the Web. The CDC passes this off: "If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack." Right. Anyway, tips like how to develop emergency kits or where to access official information follow in graphic novel form. No matter your stance on how ridiculous this may or may not be, at least the government recognizes it's the message that matters, no matter through what medium.

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For the most part, I don't think they are. It's just a meme that people find amusing.

The survivalist-types (I'd hazard mostly hobbiest-level) pick it up because unlike biochemical or nuclear disasters, the hypothetical zombie apocalypse would require more physical fitness and less hiding in a NBC-secured hole. It's a different focus, I think, for the same thing that gives rise to SCA and such organizations. (I know some SCA members, and they spend _thousands_ on arms and armor.)

I know a few "survivalists", and mostly they just like the fact that they're prepared for disasters (more "hurricane Katrina" and less "global thermonuclear war"), plus they have a place to go unwind away from civilization. A few just like getting hands-on with stuff like making soap and canning their own produce.

There are, of course, some fringe nutjobs out there that honestly believe there's a need to prepare for it.

I'm remembering the 4chan "choose your weapon" etc template threads for zombie preparation. People had some great ideas for primary and sidearm, vehicle, shelter, and sidekicks. One hideout was a large structure built on a raised platform with a difficult to navigate entrance.

I find that something like this captures the imagination. I have no problem spending time analysing optimal weapon load-outs, and hideout or vehicle pros and cons. It's a fun way to keep the brain working, and is a universally understood concept. Even great-grandma will know what a zombie is. She might even have some ideas about how to stay safe, too.

I certainly hope no one is keeping a massive hoard of zombies; I can't see that ever becoming a valuable commodity. All you need is one to replenish your stock, anyway.

Zombies make great enemies: in theory, everyone is smarter than them, but most of the people you hate seem to die to them anyway. A brisk walk is all that's needed to escape most of them, but somehow they are always ahead of you, too, to push you towards the next terrifying decision point. You get the ability to slaughter them mercilessly like with robots, but you get the gore of humans, plus the viciousness of rabid animals, and the occasional moral choice of the infected loved one. Either all social boundaries break down, or some people foolishly try to hold onto the most inane ones. They're like Death incarnate: eventually, one of them is going to get you.

That said, I wouldn't mind a sizable decrease in the level of zombie enthusiasm.

Forget $2mil survival Condos; all you need is to sell anti-zombie plant seeds on eBay. Everyone who's played the real-life inspired game Plants vs Zombies knows that a properly planted lawn is the best defence against zombies!

Regardless of the type of disaster at hand, livestock is essential. Not guns, and 42,000 rounds of anti-zombie ammo. Livestock. Horses as transportation, chickens and goats for protein. It is time to get to the farms.

Forget $2mil survival Condos; all you need is to sell anti-zombie plant seeds on eBay. Everyone who's played the real-life inspired game Plants vs Zombies knows that a properly planted lawn is the best defence against zombies!

Thank You. That's the second comment I have read in the forums today that has made my day. +1 internets to you sir.

PS...where do I get them seed pods? I can't find a listing on Amazon or Ebay.

There are, of course, some fringe nutjobs out there that honestly believe there's a need to prepare for it.

Back in 1999 I worked with a guy whose father was a "fringe nut job". He was convinced that Y2K was going to be the end of the world. My co-worker told me that his dad had bought tens of thousands of dollars worth of grain, water, and other supplies because he was convinced that Y2K was the end. I had an opportunity to meet this guy once, and he did nothing but talk conspiracy theories the entire time. It was very strange.

All zombie talk is highly amusing. I, actually , like the way CDC is treating it - get people prepare for zombie attacks and they will be prepared for most of other disasters.

Speaking of fringe nut jobs, Hornady sells ammo specifically designed for zombie killing, or so they claim. Standard varmint ammo with plastic tip made of green plastic instead of red plastic. More expensive, too.

If you go to a gun forum and read people talking about "what's the best ammo against zombies", the double-speak becomes very clear.

For gun-nuts and hardcore-survivalists, zombies is simply a word used to designate "people we would kill happily, but cannot name because everyone would realize what a bunch of psychopath we really are".

It amazes me that the internet is 75% paranoia, conspiracy, gripe/groan/complain/rage/bitch, or emotion based.

I'm a gun owner and have lots of guns, i'm not a nut though and don't hang around on gun forums, but I guess when the zombies show up i'll be ready. Although there are lots of people, most of them in that 75% category that simply need to be shot and put out of their misery, in the interim with no zombie apocalypse to deal with i'll just shoot those that force me to do so.

This article is a classic example of poor journalism by Ars. In an article about the state of zombie preparedness, you couldn't even be bothered to give us information on Zombie Insurance or even the quintessential online resource, Zombie Squad? Your lack of integrity will get people dead! Or worse, UNDEAD! Have you no shame, Ars! Or do you think that by providing incomplete information you might somehow survive the apocalypse when everyone else manages to only partially prepare because you... you...

For gun-nuts and hardcore-survivalists, zombies is simply a word used to designate "people we would kill happily, but cannot name because everyone would realize what a bunch of psychopath we really are".

...Zombies make great enemies: in theory, everyone is smarter than them...

...A brisk walk is all that's needed to escape most of them...

I'm going to assume you've never played Left for Dead. Either that or your post was more satirical than I was ready to acknowledge.

I actually haven't, though I'm aware of it and the 28 Days movies, and the existence of high speed zombies. Zombies started out slow, and that's how most have been portrayed. It's their most endearing quality, after the fixation on brains.