NBCSN employs some of the most talented video people in the world. That’s why I need to show you this insane Vine featuring two-dimensional Alex Ovechkin trying to maim 2D Claude Giroux with a lightsaber. NBCSN made this to promote their national Wednesday Rivalry Night game between the Caps and Flyers.

The only way this could have been better is if, instead of using some weenie fictional weapon, Ovechkin and Giroux brandish their fiberglass sticks tonight and swing at each other with intent to injure like Phil Kessel.

Capitals rookie defenseman Steve Oleksy is pretty tough customer too. Midway through the third period of Sunday’s game, as Giroux tried to glove the puck, Oleksy delivered a big, clean, open-ice hit on the Flyers captain.

It was the epitome of a clean hit, but don’t tell that to the Flyers’ Jake Voracek.

After Giroux hit the ice, Voracek skated a beeline towards Oleksy with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns.

Voracek bloodied Oleksy in the fight, as the latter had his jersey pulled over his head.

While Flyers fans raised to their feet to salute their young Czech for idiotically fighting a player after a clean hit, they got really mad when the Philadelphia announcer read out the penalties. That was pleasant.

Voracek received a five-minute major for fighting, a ten-minute misconduct, two-minutes for instigating, and two-minutes for instigating while wearing a face shield. I’ve never seen an instigator called in a Caps game, so excuse me while I go change my trousers.

Early Morning Skate: So, the last time we were here, we were there. Filthy Philadelphia, needing a solid road win, and feeling optimistic to start. In fact, we were all, like, yay here we gowhattheflipwasthat?! and c’mon Holtbeast get it together and then yay Groooouuubsie and boooo Max Talbot grrr grrrr and ow that traffic-cone orange makes my soul weep and that was pretty much the best summary of that ugly mess of a game I can imagine.

Mmmm…tastes like Cheez Whiz

What exactly was it that happened that terrible, cold February night at the F-U Center? Where, exactly, were manimal Troy Brouwer and Captain 8 (despite being probably the best in Red on the ice that night) and John “Towelie” Carlson and the Millionaire and his wife and the nameless rest? Certainly not there to play hard, or at least battle back through a tough start. And why was it, exactly, the Lord Supreme in His wisdom didst create that dung-heap of a burg to begin with?

Now this is our idea of a hot Fly team. Really.

You see, I’d like to chalk up that bumbling bungle of a game simply to our visiting the giant spirit suck that is Philly and its moronic fans. Like to, but cannot. Yeah, there were a couple fluky puck bounces and what-not, but those things give as much as they take. No, what we saw was a failure to launch by the Capitals after a dis-spiriting start. It was not, in any possible permutation of the concept, ‘good.’

The Puck Drop: But it’s Spring, and Easter (for some) or Maru (for others) or Passover or Nowruz or we’re just going to stop this now. Traditionally, it’s a time for rebirth and renewal and rejuvenation and reloading and all that. For the Capitals’ flock, it’s once more the race to the playoffs.

For several years now, the Capitals have demonstrated fine mettle in April, much like the pale gossamer jonquils besotting the landscape, if those jonquils were angry, snarling, forechecking, glass-smashing monsters made of steel and laser beams.

In short, there’s two ways this ends. One: we leave Filthydelphia redolent of Whiz, covered in soot and chagrin; or two, you can eat me Peter Laviolette. No wait, that’s a given. Oh yes; or two, we bounce outta Barftown and kick it into grinder gear for the coming match-ups against the Canes and ugly Islanders (revenge want now) and be the team that showed up to rub Winnipeg’s nose in its own dark, dark shame. I know which one I’m hoping for.

So let’s git ‘er done.

Who’s Hot and Who’s Snot

Let’s just get this out of the way: what is it with you and first names, Flyers? Maxime? Jody? Zac?Zac?! Fine if you’re a British boy band, but Zac? Ugh, sign two players named Herp and Derp and you’ve got a full house.

There’s an old adage that goes ‘What comes up must come down’, which is patently untrue if you are helium or the Blackhawks or Lindsay Lohan’s legal bills. We prefer ‘What goes down stays down,’ which we just made up but will use to prove our point. The Flyers haven’t so much been stumbling of late as they have been losing, while the Capitals overall (let’s not quibble, shall we?) have been demonstrating real hockeytude across the squad. The Flyers must therefore lose, QED.

The Flyers do have some genuine stand-outs – Jakub Voracek and Claude Giroux and a Schenn or something – who can be good deal sealers. But like we saw in their recent outings with cross-town rivals the Pittsburgh Flightless Stenchbirds, the energy and kick appears bottled up in just a few players, while the Pens (and oh how I hate myself for saying this) work well together across the squad, and that was before getting Iggy. We were suffering from this dread condition earlier in the season, too, but have at least mitigated it. Which is better: a few star talents and a bunch of mugs, or a more even distribution of skill? Capitalism or soshulizms? Hmmm?

I have it on good authority that Jesus would particularly like a Capitals win today.

To be “fair and balanced” – ha! – it is true that the Crapitals have some players who feel a little like large leaden weights tied around our ankles while we’re trying to swim. Marcus Johansson appears to be skating with one eye scanning for the door. Jeff Schultz (who is probably among the most decent people around, so, sorry) might as well be eating Doritos out on the ice, and Mike Green…oof, where to start. I’ve seen more spunk among members of the Whitehills Senior Center’s “Jeopardy!” fan club. (If you’re reading, Mr. Trebek, I love your show!) Is this a “Tale of Two Teams” moment? “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.”

Conventional wisdom – which is never wrong I’ll have you know – has it that Adam Oates has at least one more good year here to show progress before GMGM hits the ejector button, while Coach Laviolette – which actually means “smelly cheese” in French, look it up – has but a few more games. Oooh, everyone’s getting a little snippy, aren’t they? I wonder what could be on people’s minds. I wonder…

Rough trade. Is what’s on people’s minds, I mean. You know, like the trade deadlines? What…what did you think I meant? Ohhh…and on Easter Sunday, of all days. Hmmph. Oh, one last thing:

JINX! Jinxjinxjinx. Doublejinx! There, you silly nannies, for those who believe in ‘jinxes’ we’ve just double-finger-crossed the jinx spirits and you can put your delicate little heads to rest now about the PuckBuddys curse, OK?

The Late Line:

While intubated in the emergency room following the Hinckley assassination attempt, President Reagan scrawled a note to one of his nurses. Cribbing from W.C. Fields, it read “All in all, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” It was touch-and-go, but he survived.

On the whole, I’d rather we not have to be in Philadelphia. There should be a law against having to travel there on a High Holy Day, or a birthday, or any day with a “y”. But here we are. At least Jaromir Jagr isn’t around anymore (tee hee.)

Concussions have become the topic du jour around the NHL in the last few years, and for very good reason. Nearly a hundred cases of head trauma have been recorded just this season, and with Caps star Nicklas Backstrom missing forty games with concussion the issue has now hit DC fans closer to home. Despite his highly physical style of play, Alex Ovechkin has managed to avoid concussion so far in his career. Still, he hasn’t been ignoring the epidemic, and for several months Ovechkin has been testing Bauer’s new trauma-preventative RE-AKT helmet. It’s now being worn by several other Bauer-sponsored NHL stars, but Ovechkin was the first to agree to test the RE-AKT — even before Backstrom’s incident with Rene Bourque.

We spoke to C.J. Ficek, Bauer’s Product Manager for Helmets to find out more about the helmet and Ovi’s decision to wear it.

The RE-AKT helmet, intended to to provide more comprehensive protection than traditional helmets, has been in development for two years, and goes on sale to the general public in May. Meanwhile, it’s still being validated by Ovechkin and more than a dozen NHLers including Claude Giroux of the Flyers.

“Two years ago, we looked at the industry and said, ‘We’re hearing about this a lot more, there’s got to be a way to produce a helmet that could better protect players,'” Ficek said. “So we set down that path of doing our homework, working a lot with the medical field, understanding head trauma and concussions and what goes into that, and then taking away all that information and trying to design a helmet that helped mitigate those risks.”

“One of those things we found out was about rotational forces — traditional hockey helmets have always been tested for more of a linear impact, a direct impact,” he continued. “We also found out from the medical field that the rotational aspect comes into play, and obviously hockey is a game of speed and motion, players are constantly twisting and turning and whatnot, getting hit from the side, it’s not always a direct impact.”

This is not the large, clunky variety of padded helmet that we’ve seen on other players — and sometimes in other sports — (Matt Bradley’s concussion-proof bucket was described as having “a CIA transmitter up there” by former Cap Brendan Morrison). The RE-AKT is streamlined and lightweight, weighing less than many normal helmets. If you weren’t already aware that Ovechkin was wearing a special helmet, you wouldn’t have noticed.

“He was at the office and we were in the early stages of the helmet, but we were able to show him and walk him and his agent through the helmet, and what it has to offer,” Ficek said. “He had a chance to try it on and he said, that’s the helmet I want.”

“By no means is it foolproof, it doesn’t mean it’s concussion-proof either,” Ficek said. “It just means that we have a solution that can better-protect the players, and it helps manage the impacts better than some of the traditional helmets out there.”

Ficek says feedback on the helmet has initially been very good — Giroux continues to wear it, as well as some of his teammates such as Danny Briere and James van Riemsdyk. Steven Stamkos is also involved, though having a Richard Trophy season has gotten in the way. “Stamkos was an athlete that we spoke with who loves the helmet, but he’s also very superstitious,” Ficek said. “He told us up front ‘hey, I’m on a run right now scoring goals, I’m probably not going to change anything at this point.’ It’s one of those things that when he’s ready, the helmet will be there for him.”

As for Ovechkin’s part, Bauer hopes that having the high-profile Russian star aboard will encourage others to try — and buy — the helmet. “I think Alex obviously is one of the most dynamic players in the NHL, anything he does is always in the limelight,” said Ficek. “Definitely if it creates more exposure, maybe if some of the other athletes, some of the younger players coming into the league see that, they can at least try to understand what it has to offer.”

He added; “It’s a cultural shift, we’re seeing it all the way down at the youth level, we’re seeing more and more head injuries and concussions, at least diagnosed, versus the old days when it was ‘you got your bell rung, get back out there’. We’re starting to see a good push of awareness, which is what we want. At the end of the day it’s all about protecting the players, the kids as well as the NHL players.”

The final game of the Washington Capitals’ ginormous road trip was a Thursday night date with the pylon-clad Philadelphia Flyers. Just like last game, the Caps came out hard, but faced a much more composed foe.

Alex Ovechkin was in hurry, scoring in the game’s first minute. Claude Giroux converted a breakaway in the second. Overtime came and went. A coin was flipped, and the Caps lost. Flyers beat Caps 2-1 (shootout).

As Claude Giroux broke away from a falling Dennis Wideman, Braden Holtby skated out of his crease for a poke check. It was aggressive move on the order of Ron Hextall, to whom Holtby so often gets compared. But Hextall is a legendary goalie and Holtby is still a minor-leaguer. The poke failed, and Claude had a yawning net to fill. Other than that, Holtby was a solid presence in net. 30 saves on 31 shots.

Alex Ovechkin didn’t need half a minute to score. He’s on a three-game goal streak with 6 goals in his last 5 games. Down the stretch, there is no better asset for this team. He’s playing smart hockey too, not just bullying his way into the zone only to get pushed aside. He fired 6 shots.

Marcus Johansson drew a crucial penalty shot in the second period. He seemed to have Ilya Bryzgalov deked, but the goalie got a stick out to end the play. It was a good poke check, but wasn’t it also a trip? Shouldn’t that have been a do-over? How does that work? Reader, please consult the NHL rulebook and provide us the booklearnin’ we so desperately need.

Is Lenny Kravitz really Cinna? How does that happen?

Bad luck happens. Despite tons of opportunities, the Caps got robbed over and over. Consider Mathieu Perreault ringing iron, Ovi getting robbed glove-side and then going wide on an open net a little later, and Aucoin buzzing up in front like a malarial insect. Can’t bury ‘em all– but this game would’ve been a cakewalk if only the margins had shifted a bit.

Compulsory Jaromir-Jagr-got-an-assist bullet. Hurl.

Happy birthday, Tom Poti, who is technically still a Washington Capital. Remember that time he was awesome in the playoffs? Le sigh.

The Caps were so meek and reserved during the back half of this game, you’d think they were auditioning for a walk-on role in My So-Called Life. That defensive posture may have made it tough for them to create offense in OT, which is why they spent the whole extra frame in their own zone, desperately waving away the Flyer attacks as if they were swarming tracker jackers.

The Caps are still in 8th place in the East, a point above any kind of virtual tie with Buffalo. They are just three points behind Ottawa now. 7th place would be pretty cozy, wouldn’t it?

That’s the end of the road trip. They took 5 points out of 10, which is way better than we predicted a few weeks ago. A win in Philly would have been a huge confidence booster though…

The Caps are a desperate team, and desperation grants focus. Their desire, nay– their hunger for standings points drove the team to play a great first period. But the retreated in the third, playing for the tie in highly unsatisfying fashion.

If only they’d embraced that hunger for the full 60, they’d be the victors.

Catch you guys tomorrow night. The Caps return home to whip the Jets. Huge game.

Special thanks to Gary Bettman for letting the guys out of the Quiet Room long enough for us to snap this pic. Enlarge. (Photo illustration by Ian Oland)

The stars of the All-Star Game were a little less bright this year. Some of the familiar faces that fans expect were absent for reasons that are becoming all too familiar in the modern NHL: head injury. Approximately 85 head injuries have been reported this year, meaning that nearly ten percent of all active players have been injured. 28 of 30 teams have reported at least one head injury, while some franchises have dealt with as many six or seven. With star center Nicklas Backstromnow sitting out due to concussion, the issue has hit close to home for Caps fans.

While Brendan Shanhan has doled out 26 regular-season suspensions — which some think have gone too far, hits targeting of the head continue. The face of the NHL, Sidney Crosby, lasted just nine games in his latest comeback before being sidelined yet again with post-concussion syndrome. His return to the ice and excellence is still uncertain.

One such example came on December 17th, when the Toronto Maple Leafs’ Colby Armstrong suffered a concussion after colliding with Vancouver’s Ryan Kesler. However, Armstrong did not report the concussion, choosing instead to hide his condition from trainers, who discovered it only when they found Armstrong vomiting in the locker room. While no one would question Armstrong’s toughness and grit, this is the last place that an NHL player should be expected to show his bravery.

Below the jump, we’ve chosen to highlight 12 All-Star caliber players — six each for the Eastern and Western Conferences — who’ve struggled with head injury this year. We hope that this brings attention to concussions in sports and specifically in hockey, where the problem has grown too big to be ignored.

Western Conference Head Injury Starters

Mike Richards, Los Angeles Kings

Story: Mike Richards took a Sean Bergenheim shoulder to the head on December 1st. He went to IR on the following day and missed eight games with a head injury. Bergenheim did not receive any supplemental discipline.

“I’ve been injured like this before,” he said. “Like I said, it’s just time. It’s nothing you can rush. It’s a hurry-up-and-wait sort of thing.” […] “Obviously it’s something that you’re used to playing every day,” he said. “And going out there and having fun. It’s just not the same. You’re not with the guys in the dressing room. You always feel like you could be doing more.”

Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles Kings

Story: One of three Kings’ star forwards to suffer concussions this season, Kopitar was injured on a hard hit by Dallas Stars power forward Brenden Morrow behind Dallas’ net. Kopitar left the game for precautionary reasons, but thankfully for Kings fans, did not miss a single game afterward.

“Feeling good. Nothing special to say, really. It was just precautionary reasons last night. I’m sure you guys know, even better than I do, what it takes after you get hit like that, what you’ve got to do (with) the quiet room and stuff. But I’m feeling good this morning, and that’s about it.’’

Taylor Hall, Edmonton Oilers

Story: Taylor Hall took a Corey Potter skate to the face in warm-ups before a game against the Blue Jackets, and it didn’t look pretty. Hall only missed two games – one against the Blue Jackets and the next against the St. Louis Blues.

“I looked a lot better before, but what can you do?” Hall said on Thursday. “You can say that I’m lucky I didn’t get my eye taken out or that I didn’t get my throat sliced. Or, I’m just unlucky because something like his has never happened in the history of the sport with how many guys who have not worn a helmet in warm-up.”

Shea Weber, Nashville Predators

Story: Shea Weber, the Nashville Predators hard-shooting All-Star defenseman, took a forearm to the head from the Dallas Stars’ Mark Fistric and missed four games with “concussion-like symptoms.” No penalties were called on the play, nor did Brendan Shanahan suspend Fistric, who had already been suspended that month for an illegal hit on Islanders forward Nino Niederreiter. The hit on Neiderreiter also resulted in a concussion.

It’s understandable that you don’t want your opponents to know that you won’t fight. Keep the secret to yourself. You don’t have to disavow fighting publicly. Just don’t fight. You have too much to risk and too little to gain.

Sami Salo, Vancouver Canucks

Story: In one of the most controversial hits this season, Brad Marchand caught Sami Salo with what seemed to be a borderline hit somewhere between a hip check and a clip. This earned Marchand a lengthy suspension from Brendan Shanahan, missing five games; Salo is yet to return.

“I’m lucky I didn’t break my neck,” Salo said Friday, answering questions for the first time since landing heavily on the back of his head and neck when upended by Marchand during the Canucks’ 4-3 win in Boston two weeks ago. “You can’t play the game thinking about what other guys might do. You can’t play the game… thinking this guy might elbow me or something.

Story: Minnesota goaltender Josh Harding was accidentally elbowed in the head by his teammate, Nick Schultz, while battling with the Sharks’ Joe Pavelski in front of the net. The elbow left Harding with a concussion. He became the fourth Wild player to suffer from a concussion this season joining Guillaume Latendresse, Marek Zidlicky, and Pierre-Marc Bouchard on the sidelines.

Story: Another friendly-fire incident that resulted in injury, Giroux was accidentally kneed by teammate Wayne Simmonds, who tried to jump over the fallen Giroux. Giroux missed only four games and at first it looked like he never missed a beat, recording a four-point performance in the very first game back, but then…

The conspiracy theory is that the concussion he suffered back on Dec. 10 against Tampa Bay (in a collision with teammate Wayne Simmonds) hasn’t completely healed yet and that there might be some residual effects.

Giroux did return after missing four games and put together a four-point night at Dallas on Dec. 21. But in the 13 games since then, just one goal (in the Jan. 2 Winter Classic) and eight assists.

Nicklas Backstrom, Washington Capitals

Story: The Washington Capitals first-half MVP, Nicklas Backstrom, was elbowed by Rene Bourque, who was later suspended five games by Shanahan for the incident (and beaten up by us video-game style). Backstrom has no timetable for a return, and the Capitals’ success and overall mobility has declined with him out of the lineup. The Caps with and without Backstrom are two entirely different teams. Backstrom’s health will likely influence George McPhee’s trade strategy come the deadline.

Chris Pronger, Philadelphia Flyers

Story: One of the scariest injuries in awhile, because of its seriousness and because of its effect on a player who has been a measuring stick for toughness. Chris Pronger was hit high by an errant Mikhail Grabovski stick. Right away, the injury didn’t look good with concerns mostly focused on damage to his sight. However, Pronger returned from what was called an “eye injury” and played six games. After that, he had a knee injury that required surgery, and it was only at this time that the Flyers organization revealed that he was suffering from post-concussion syndrome, and would likely be out for the rest of the season.

“I just didn’t feel well, I didn’t know what it was,” Pronger said that day. “I never felt like that before with headaches and nausea, and that stuff. I had a concussion baseline test and passed that … I got lightheaded, had headaches, you’re nauseous.”

“It’s a tough go at home,” she said. “We’re going day-to-day right now — good days, bad days. It’s been a lot of trauma going on. We’re just praying right now. He’s battling. He wants to be out there more than anybody. It’s tough for all of us to watch him go through this.”

Kris Letang, Pittsburgh Penguins

Story: Kris Letang was injured in the third period of a Canadiens – Penguins game on November 25. He returned in that game and scored the OT game-winner, but missed 21 games afterwards. Though there was no penalty call on the play, Pacioretty was suspended three games by the Department of Player Safety.

“Pay attention to how your body reacts out there and make sure I’m 100 percent ready, not taking any chances because you need your head for the rest of your life. It was a question of feeling good and being confident that I can do the job out there.”

Ryan Miller, Buffalo Sabres

Story: Ryan Miller was hit by Milan Lucic in a race for the puck. Lucic was not suspended for the hit and only got two minutes of penalty time for charging. Later this season, Jordin Tootoo collided with Miller and was suspended for two games. The concussion Miller sustained after the Lucic hit was his second in a year.

“My issue every time has been, it affects your focus and concentration,” Miller said. “You feel like you have ADD. You feel like you have extreme ADD when you have the headaches and you have the uncomfortable ‘off’ feeling. I mean, I think history can kind of show I’m a very intense, focused person, and when I can’t even get through a 10-, 15-minute task at home, which I can usually sit down and do, something’s wrong.”

It’s AH (Anno Hunteramus) 1, and so far we’re breaking even with genuinely mixed performances. A few months back, before “The Troubles“, we spanked the Flyers 5-2 in their own barn, with Hamrlik (remember when he was hot?) knocking in the GWG and Vokoun in the net. And here we are today. It’s cold, but Hamrlik is sorta hot again – or at least not cold cabbage – and Raccoon is once again starting to show a little of his elite-ness.

So, class, this Tuesday, which Capitals team do you think will show up? Hmm? Bueller?

The Naughty and Nice List, Part Deux

Naughty: A first for our list, at least this one. Sasha appears to be struggling under…well, what? New coach? Excessive enigmaticness? Not enough attention from Ovi or Nicky? Alex Semin…Mr. Semin? Eyes front young man! You are daydreaming too much and need to buckle down. You don’t want to get left behind, do you? Well, do you? No, I thought not. Alex Semin gets our first-ever, totally non-creepy punishment of a lump of coal. Or a visit by Krampus, who will bundle him in a sack beating him with switches while Moors load him into a boat for oblivion. Hey, it’s not our mythology.

Nice: Nicky 19, again, is doing yeoman’s work, and for that gets a plate of fresh-baked Schmunikenknugen. Wideman already got our hat – which was rightly earned, NHL douches – so we’re knitting a pair of mittens for his current, or future, special lady friend. But the holiday confetti goes to John “Towelie” Carlson, who continues to dazzle, notably now under his training-wheels coach, and reminds us every game what commitment and focus really are. That, and always being handy with a towel.

What Makes Them Hot

Yap yap, the dogs have been barking that we don’t have enough inside intel on the other teams. Oh yeah? Well BOOM! We just went and got the freshest smack on the Philly Pheebs available, courtesy PuckBuddys’ senior correspondent – AND 1/2 of our Winter Classic team – Joseph. Welcome to school, boys! Click him here and be in awe… so check, and mate.

At left: Chris Pronger (out with a concussion/virus)

1: Lightning in a Bottle: So the Phlyers phlaked their way through another win Saturday, this time against the Bolts. Except it wasn’t phakery. They’re down several key players – monster Chris Pronger, adorable Brayden Schenn and now, potentially, shrimp-tastic Claude Giroux. Add to that Laperrierre (add or detract vowels as fits,) Gustafsson and Betts and you’ve got a hobbled team. AND yet, they managed to thrash Tampa. Watch out Caps: ugly Philly dogs can bite.

2: Rookie Luck: Per Joseph, rookie D-men Kevin Marshall (really not so much of a child anymore) and Marc-Andre Bourdon (isn’t that a dessert?) have been playing beyond expectations. Sure, they need to, given the crimped Flyers’ bench. But just as we celebrate Alzner and Carlson, Philly is celebrating these two dipwads, and with good reason. They have the potential to f-us up. Oh, AND Jagr – ugh – plays like he never did with us, which is to say, good. (And the f-er is hot as hell, still, which just makes us hate him even more.)

Brayden Schenn

3: Anger Bear: Joseph was too classy (another Flyers first) to say it but the Flyers have one thing going for them even more this season than previous ones: anger. Sure, everyone hates them; even, we hear, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. Yeah, they play in toiletville for diabetic cases who can’t stuff enough toxic yellow cheese in their mouths. But…but, they are playing in this year’s Winter Classic. And against the Rangers (vomit-buckets at the ready.) There is nothing like a fight with a New Yorker to get a Philadelphian…Philadehoover?…Philajerkist?…up and on their toes. They want that Classic. And there’s no better way – if you’re sorry enough to be Philadelphia – than to beat the Caps.

What Makes Them Not

1: Ow! Owie Owie OW OW! Oh Lord, we’re not going to take a stroll through the sick ward on the Philly bench. Let the ghouls do that. C’mon, they’re playing like the Black Knight in the Holy Grail (dork alert); limbs hacked, blood spurting. (“Bring us an shrubbery! Avery!) They’ve got mouth, but do they have much more?

2: History. Oh, haha, look at me! I’m Newt Gingrich, and I’m a historian! Whoops, whatever, all politicians stink; it’s just the ones that open their mouths and belch out nonsense that are remembered. Over the years the Flyers may have dominated the Caps (or, in fact, they have) but – and this is my huge BUT – they have only come 39-36 at Caps home games over the entire play. Meaning all those years we sucked and they didn’t? We’re still almost even at home. Yeah, this is a home game. Caps, you’re rockin’ the red (10-4-1) at Verizon this season. We expect that to continue.

3: Orange You Sick Yet? OMG. RLY? SRSLY? Orange? God, the dried-up vomit along U Street on a Saturday morning looks better than those Philly orange….eeeygh. I’m getting queasy just thinking about it. LOOK Philly, we’ve taken you to task before, and you persist in coming back, like the Spanish flu. Repeat after me: “Nobody likes me. I’m a Flyers fan. My city is a vermin-infested sewer. Animals with sense flee from me. I stink like offal on a stick in the sun and smell like ass. I am a Philadelphian.”

Yeah, that’s it. Flyer trolls, go run and look up “offal” while you shove more CheezWhiz down your throat.

The Washington Capitals are in the 2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs. Now, don’t start panicking. The Caps of this year are different. They play postseason-style defensive hockey. (Well, let’s just forget about the D tonight.) Washington has their swagger back too. They’re just one point off the top spot in the East and are firing on all cylinders as April awaits.

Nicklas Backstrom opened the scoring at 7:52 after his wrist shot from between the circles snuck under Flyer goalie Sergei Bobrovsky’s shoulder. Weak goal. Then with under three minutes left in the first period, ol’ man Mike Knuble chipped in Marcus Johansson’s pass from behind the net to push the Caps lead to multiple goals. Spongebob never saw it. Weak goal.

Under 1:30 into the second stanza, Dennis Wideman fired a shot from the point the found twine after Bobrovsky failed to react in time. Weak goal. New ‘keeper. At 8:05 Kris Versteeg got himself an easter egg. Number 10 in orange and black racked up his 19th of the year after his off-target pass hit Wideman’s skate. With just over 30 seconds left in the frame Claude Giroux inched Philadelphia ever closer, one-timing Andreas Nodl’s perfect pass past Neuvirth. The Czech netminder never even moved on the shot after biting on Nodl’s excellent fake. The Flyers would then tie the game 10:02 in the third period when the Capitals got Jeff Schultz’d. Mr. Nasty’s outlet pass was deflected by Giroux and Nodl slapped it home. Daniel Briere would then score the Flyers’ fourth unanswered tally, saavily tipping a a Kimmo Timonen shot from the point home. 4-3, Fly Guys. Panic!!!1 Luckily for you guys, Swedes are good at hockey. Johansson would tie the game up on a perfect shot from the point with 3:19 left. What does that mean? Overtime.

In the extra period, there would be chances a plenty, but neither team would convert. You know what lies next: The Gimmick.

Tonight, the Capitals coined a new saying: “A three goal lead is the worst lead in hockey.” Got to find that killer instinct, boys!

It may not have been pretty and it may not have been by design, but Scott Hannan‘s block of Matt Carle’s shot from the point with 1:13 left in overtime may have been the only reason why the Capitals had an opportunity to win the game in the shootout. After absorbing Carle’s blast, Hannan immediately dropped to the ice writhing in pain, but still managed to finish his shift. What do we call that in sports lingo? A gamer.

Matt Hendricks. That is all.

Jay Beagle won five of his six face-offs. The rest of the team? 19 of 49. Marcus Johansson was the worst on the dot tonight winning only six out of 16. Though we’ll find it in our hearts forgive him since he notched a primary assist and it was his sweet one-timer that pushed the game into OT.

Since CSN wasn’t allowed to cover the game, we will hand out our own Palm player of the game award. Tonight it goes to the Capitals goal post, which bailed Michal Neuvirth out in stunning fashion twice. First, in the second period, the right iron denied Andrej Meszaros’s wrist shot from 17 feet away. Then it was left pipe denying Mike Richards’s bid to tie the game up five minutes into the final frame of regulation. And since you asked, we recommend the “Point Judith” Calamari Fritti.

Well we’re on the topic of Mikey N., he wasn’t terrible (though as we stated, the Flyers were this close to netting six tallies) and he wasn’t great (but only one of the Philly goals was one he should have stopped). However, Neuvirth looked shaken and stirred by the Flyers comeback in the third — that’s a cause for concern if he is to be relied on during intense postseason games. And what’s his even-strength save percentage on scoring chances in third period with a one goal lead? (A mouthful, isn’t it?) .857 Semyon Varlamov’s? .941 I guess you know who my choice for playoff stater is.

For about 62 game minutes, Alex Semin had us wanting to rip out our hair and throw it at the television. For example, instead of taking his typical, unnecessary stick-infraction, he doubled down on the foolish and took a double-minor for high-sticking after lazily missing on a lift-check. Additionally, in the third period after getting crushed by a leaping body-check from Giroux (picture here), Semin shied away from all contact for the rest of the game. But, just like those dang Sweet and Sour Patch Kids Commercials, Semin redeemed himself in overtime, nearly scoring on a great individual effort and then clinching the match in the shootout with some sweet moves — a shot that earned him the number one star of the game. Just like anyone ever who has written about Semin, when he’s on, he’s on. And when he’s off in lala land, there is not a more frustrating player to watch. Jason Arnott can’t come back soon enough.

Dennis Wideman might have kicked-in or deflected Philadelphia’s first and fourth goals himself, but he did manage to score on the power play. It was his tenth goal on the year and his ninth on the man-advantage, tops amongst all NHL blue-liners. Wideman, however, was on ice for 11 even-strength chances against and played softly in front of the net. The most telling example was his gentle hugging of Giroux after he gave a snow shower to Neuvirth.

The Capitals shutdown pair of Karl Alzner and John Carlson did not play well on Tuesday night, registering no scoring chances at even-strength and eight against.

Despite holding a 3-0 lead at one point, the Capitals were physically dominated and thoroughly out-chanced 24 to 12 overall — 19-8 at even strength.

The resemblance is uncanny.

Brian Engblom‘s hair stylist should be fired immediately. How can you do worse than a mullet? By going with the slightly balding, “Lloyd Christmas” look.

Mike Knuble crashed the net hard all night and notched three points against his former team Tuesday night. With his marker in the first he earned his eight straight 20 goal season, making him one of only five active players in the NHL to have done so. He also now has a scintillating six points in the last two games. Last year, it took around two months for Knuble to find his legs. This year, about five. Clearly, father time is catching up with the right wing. But if he can keep this up in the playoffs, the Capitals will be a very hard squad to stop.

Big things appear to lie ahead for this team. Let’s make some history.