It's My Party

A parable for Thanksgiving

Randolph found the invitation slipped under his door. In gilded, embossed letters it read:

The invitation was signed, T.M. Goddard. Randolph did not recognize the name. Still, it was an intriguing invitation, and since he was unemployed and alone at the time, he decided to attend.

At noon the next day, a black limousine pulled up to Randolph's door, and he got in. After many hours of driving, they passed through the gates of a grand estate. Verdant lawns, orchards laden with fruit, and splendid gardens bordered the long, winding driveway. Finally, they arrived at the magnificent mansion.

A butler showed Randolph to his room. “I didn't realize I was invited to stay overnight,” Randolph commented, perplexed. The room was comfortable, although not lavish. In the closet was a wardrobe of clothes, all exactly Randolph's size.

At dinner, Randolph was shown to his place at a table for ten. The other guests greeted him amiably. Much to Randolph's astonishment, they had not arrived that day. Gregory, a loquacious chap who was more than happy to answer all of Randolph's questions, had, in fact, been at the party for more than six years.

“Six years?!” Randolph exclaimed, thoroughly baffled. “What kind of party lasts for six years? And where is our host? I'd like to meet him.”

“Oh,” Gregory chuckled, “none of us has ever seen Mr. Goddard. They say he lives in the penthouse, but who knows? As far as the party goes, it's grand. Meals are served three times a day. A variety of amusements and entertainments are offered every night. The grounds are extensive, and the gardens are always in bloom.”

“Only one thing is required of us,” added another guest named Cecelia. “It seems that Mr. Goddard is a bit of an exercise enthusiast. Every guest is expected to exercise five hours a day. You can pick between swimming, tennis, polo, ice-skating, skiing (I don't know where they bring the snow in from), golf, sailing on the lake, or 20 other sports. Other than that, you're free to do whatever you want.”

Randolph was awed. “Such hospitality!” he exclaimed. “Such generosity! Mr. Goddard must be an amazing chap!”

After dinner, a couple from his table, Brendon and Emily, showed Randolph around. The rooms of the mansion were decorated with works of art, the view from the upper balcony was breath-taking, and the “specialty chambers,” including several scientific laboratories, music rooms, art studios, and a hot house filled with tropical plants, seemed to cater to everyone's interests.

Weeks and months passed. Randolph was having a splendid time. Then the cuisine started to bore him. Although some two dozen dishes were offered at every meal, they were the same two dozen dishes every day. And his room started to feel a little cramped. And once he had seen the view from the upper balcony a myriad of times, he became jaded to it.

Two years passed. One night at dinner, Randolph complained to Gregory, “I've tried every sport here. But they don't have fencing, which used to be my favorite sport. I think it's an unfortunate omission.”

“The truth is,” Brendon piped up, “I don't like sports at all. I don't think it's fair that we be required to spend five hours a day exercising. I would rather paint.”

From then on, the dinner table conversation every night focused on the party's deficiencies. The entertainment, while first class, was repetitive. The clothes had gone out of style.

As for the host, no one mentioned him anymore.

One evening before dinner, when Randolph had been at the party for more than four years, he found what looked like an invitation slipped under his door. He opened it. In gilded, embossed letters it read:

Randolph was abashed. He ran to dinner and, with quivering hands, showed his friends the invitation. “It's not fair!” he exclaimed. “I haven't done anything wrong. I've obeyed the rules. I've exercised five hours a day, even when I didn't want to. How dare he do this to me?!”

Everyone agreed that it was appalling to ask – really, coerce – someone to leave. “Goddard's not such a great host, after all,” Brendon sneered.

“He never was,” Emily agreed. “What kind of a host never appears to greet his guests?”

“It's deplorable,” Cecelia lamented.

The next day, Randolph's friends escorted him to the main entrance, where the black limousine was waiting. It was a tearful good-bye, punctuated by exclamations of anger at the host who had treated Randolph so shabbily.

As the limousine pulled away from the curb, Randolph leaned out the window and shouted up toward the penthouse, “It's not fair!” Everyone somberly nodded in agreement.

TIME AND ENTITLEMENT

The two enemies of gratitude are time and a sense of entitlement. One feeds into the other; the more time elapses, the more we feel entitled to what originally we may have perceived as a gift.

For example, the birth of a healthy baby is greeted by the new parents as an incredible, miraculous gift: ten fingers and ten toes and they all move! But how many parents thank God for ten fingers and ten toes on a two-year-old? A ten-year-old? A child's first smile fills the parents with jubilation. But the hundredth smile?

Without awareness, there can be no gratitude or joy.

Human beings are programmed to be ungrateful. Stick your hand in a bowl of hot water, and after a couple minutes you'll cease to feel the heat. The same is true for all your senses. Live next to the train tracks long enough and you'll stop hearing the train. Your first intoxicating whiff of jasmine in full bloom is automatically your last; no matter how long you keep your nose stuck in the flowers, your olfactory sense will cease to register the scent.

Desensitization is built into the human being. It deadens our awareness over time, and without awareness, there can be no gratitude or joy.

Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, a contemporary sage, has pointed out that the prerequisite of joy is daat, awareness. We may have erroneously believed that the prerequisite of joy is a felicitous life – to have ample quantities of everything we want. Rabbi Wolbe teaches that joy is the result not of having more things, but of having more awareness of what we already have. The same is true for gratitude.

Gratitude begins where a sense of entitlement leaves off. We learn this from our Matriarch Leah. The Patriarch Yaakov knew prophetically that he would have 12 sons who would become the forbears of the nation of Israel. Since he had four wives, his wife Leah expected that three sons would be born to each wife. Therefore, when she gave birth to her fourth son, the first son she did not feel entitled to, “she said, 'This time I will thank God,' therefore she named him 'Yehuda' ” (Gen. 29:35). “Yehuda” is derived from the Hebrew word meaning “thanks.” (The word “Jew” is a derivative of “Yehuda,” and therefore also means “thanks.”)

In the battle between entitlement and gratitude, we humans have an inner agenda to favor a sense of entitlement. Either we get what we deserve or we get a free gift undeserved. To assert the former is to empower ourselves with “rights,” a boon to the ego. To admit the latter is like receiving charity; it's humbling. Therefore, we've made a fine art of convincing ourselves that whatever we have, we deserve.

For example, the Talmud asserts that one of the most important mitzvot in the Torah is the commandment to honor one's parents. This honor is obligatory even if one's parents are full of flaws. Sefer HaChinuch declares that the underlying rationale of this mitzvah is gratitude. Not only did parents bring the child into the world, but also they fed and cared for him during his initial years of complete helplessness. Most parents continue to feed and take care of their children for at least 18 years.

Yet most children, instead of feeling overwhelmed by gratitude, feel entitled to everything their parents give them. How many children – teenagers and older – walk into the parental home, toss off a perfunctory greeting, “Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!” make a beeline for the refrigerator, and then complain that there's nothing good to eat?

Again, in this scenario, time teams up with a sense of entitlement to banish gratitude. If, on the other hand, a child, for whatever reason, had been separated from her parents for most of her life and then reunited with them, she would no doubt feel gratitude for every meal served – at least for the first month!

Our sense of entitlement makes us take for granted whatever we have.

Humans have a sense of “squatter's rights” that extends to the normal functioning of our bodies, our faculties, our relationships, etc. This means that we feel that we have a right to everything we have simply because we have it. When illness, accident, or loss divests us of something, we not only feel pain at the loss, but also we feel umbrage at our rights being violated.

The father of a friend of mine died at the age of 91. For two months prior to his death, he was hospitalized with various conditions. He was often unconscious and incontinent, and he suffered all the indignity and pain that are the concomitants of old age, illness, and death. After he died, in addition to mourning the loss of her beloved father, my friend was bitter at God that someone as good as her father should have ended his life like that. Often her bitterness exceeded her sadness.

Instead of feeling grateful for our years at the party, we feel resentful when the party ends.

UP THE DOWN ESCALATOR

Our sense of entitlement makes us take for granted whatever we have. This mindset dooms us to search for happiness in ever new experiences and relationships. Our trips abroad must be to ever more exotic destinations; each new wife must be younger and prettier than the last. New, more, and better becomes the motto of our ever-receding goal.

Alas, such a pursuit of happiness is fated to fail. Every new acquisition eventually becomes old. “More” is never “enough.” And today's “better” will always be bested by tomorrow's “better yet.” We are, by nature, riding a down escalator. If we stand still, the momentum of our desensitized senses will always carry us downward toward less happiness.

Everything, at every moment, is a free gift from God.

Judaism, the religion that means “thankfulness,” offers an antidote: To understand and accept that everything, at every moment, is a free gift from God.

The sages have taught us that God recreates the world anew at every moment. So if you can see to read these words, it's because God is giving you the gift of sight, right now. You have sight not because you've always had sight. You have sight, gift-wrapped in a half million precision cones and rods, as a present from God to you in this very moment, because God deigns to give you the gift of sight.

The particular means that Judaism offers to re-sensitize us is blessings. Every blessing is a step up the down escalator. A Jew recites a blessing before and after eating or drinking anything, even a glass of water. The first words upon awakening are, “Modeh ani,” expressing gratitude for the gift of another day of life. The morning prayers start with a series of blessings thanking God for everything from sight to the ability to stand erect, from the clothes we wear to the energy that enables us to tackle our day despite tiredness.

Every one of us is an invited guest at God's party. This means that whether we're served Chivas Regal or soda pop, steak or soybeans, we have no right to lodge complaints against the host. Even if we are very good guests, behaving completely in accordance with the laws of etiquette, we have no right to insist on anything, nor to walk away with the silver forks just because we used them properly.

Even the young guests at a six-year-old's birthday party know not to complain if they're served cake, but no ice cream. Even if they didn't get the exact party favor they wanted, they know to thank the host as they leave.

Related Articles:

About the Author

Sara Yoheved Rigler is the author of God Winked: Tales and Lessons from my Spiritual Adventures, as well as the bestsellers: Holy Woman, Lights from Jerusalem, and Battle Plans: How to Fight the Yetzer Hara(with Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller). She is a popular international lecturer on subjects of Jewish spirituality. She has given lectures and workshops in Israel, England, Switzerland, South Africa, Mexico, Chile, Canada, and over thirty American cities. A graduate of Brandeis University, after fifteen years of practicing and teaching meditation and Eastern philosophy, she discovered "the world's most hidden religion: Torah Judaism." Since 1985, she has been living as a Torah-observant Jew in the Old City of Jerusalem with her husband and two children. She presents a highly-acclaimed Marriage Workshop for women [seewww.kesherwife.com] as well as a Gratitude Workshop. To invite her to your community, please write to info@sararigler.com.

Visitor Comments: 36

(35)
Donna Perel,
November 22, 2012 1:34 PM

Thank you for the clarity

The power of "entitlement" undermines graditude and and our ability to see our myriad blessings. It all comes from Hashem. Thank Him with every step and with every breath. Thank him even for those events that appear to us as not good. Last but not least thank yoou Mrs. Rigler for an article that hugged my heart.

(34)
Jeff Cohen, A.Q.,
November 19, 2012 9:52 PM

Read the book, "The Happiness Trap."

We didn't incarnate merely to pursue or experience happiness. We are here to learn to love ourselves (our undefended essential soul-self that creates our ego/personality external self) and to love others. We do this by recognizing the Divine/God presence within our conscious Being. "Who is happy? (S)he who is satisfied with his/her lot (portion)." -Pirkei Avot.

Gideon Goldwater,
November 25, 2012 6:21 AM

Great Perspective

Hi,
Just read your comment on this article. I wanted to ask a few questions. Is the ultimate goal to love ourselves and others? Can someone living alone ever achieve the ultimate goal? The Mishna is Pirkei Avot doesn't ask who is happy, rather who is rich. What do you think the difference is?
Looking forward to hearing what you have to say.
All the best.

(33)
b,
November 19, 2012 2:20 PM

beautiful

clear like a bubbling brook.

(32)
Mike,
November 18, 2012 7:50 PM

Great perspective

Most of us are much more upset when things go wrong than grateful when they go well. We feel entitled to "well".

(31)
Anna,
November 23, 2007 11:43 AM

Wonderful Article!!!

Thank you for writing such a an insightful article.

(30)
Debby Miller,
November 21, 2007 8:19 PM

i thoroughly enjoyed this parable.

thank you for writing this.

(29)
Anonymous,
November 21, 2007 11:22 AM

magnificent

This article is a masterpiece!

(28)
a taft,
November 19, 2007 11:47 AM

The Giver is Indebted to the Recipient

Read The book "Ballad of a Sad cafe" by Carson McCullers--The giver is in dire need of the recipient. Whereas, the new gift was not requested, even though accepted, by the recipient. It is incumbent on the Giver (Host) to provide full sustenance and comfort.

(27)
Liora Sitelman,
November 19, 2007 10:51 AM

so true!

Well, as usual Mrs. Rigler, your article was right on the money and hit really close to home. Thank you for inspiring me to really be grateful for my family, friends, and education this Thanksgiving. Sometimes, when I complain about my workload here at Bryn Mawr College, I forget that having the opportunity to pursue a higher education really is a privilege. Today, I will make sure to thank my parents and G-D for having the opportunity to receive a higher education. I hope to use it to serve Hashem!

May G-D bless you abundantly!

p.s.--I loved your talk at Swarthmore during the Maimonidies program!

(26)
Lois Whitney,
November 19, 2007 10:45 AM

Share with my guests.

I plan to share article with my guests on Thanksgiving, It's a wonderful reminder to recognize and be grateful for God's blessings that we experience everyday. Thank you.

(25)
Anonymous,
November 19, 2007 10:17 AM

Wow!

powerful and beautiful!Sara Rigler does it again!

(24)
Anonymous,
December 9, 2004 12:00 AM

Maybe we do have a choic

Anonymous says that "at least Randolph had a choice of whether to attend the party". Maybe before we are born we have a choice as well?

(23)
Mike,
November 30, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you... but why did no one talk to Goddard

Thank you. This is beautiful. And it really hit home. I am really grateful for all the wisdom on aish.com. I hope I can learn more.

But why did no one talk to Goddard? Why did no one thank him? Why did Rudolph not talk to him with before getting kicked out.

I think there is much truth here, but it is also not so simple. I don't think this implies that a lack of thankfulness is the reason we lose things (though it might sound like that). It sometimes is, but that cannot account for everything.

(22)
Anonymous,
November 28, 2004 12:00 AM

article to think

i wish everu day to read this article at leat 3 times a day we forget to easy what we read

(21)
Anonymous,
November 27, 2004 12:00 AM

Great article, but...

At least, Randolph had a choice whether to attend to the party or not at the very beginning. However we don't have such a choice. We find ourselves in the party.

If we ever want to leave the party with our own will, it becomes a violation of a natural order of life.

So, in a nutshell, we find ourselves in a party; we are expected to be grateful, and we have to leave when we are asked to.

With all respect, this sounds a bit unfair to me. May G-d forgive me for my reasoning, but that's what I think.

(20)
Deborah Betz,
November 26, 2004 12:00 AM

Middle Class

This article is great for the middle class. But for real poor people and/or people struggling with severe life problems, it is harder to think about
gratitude. You can do it, but it is easier if you are'nt under constant finacial stress (the food bank kind)and emotionally depleating problems. We all should be greatful that were here, but we should'nt ask people to do what sometimes is not emtionally possible

(19)
Anonymous,
November 25, 2004 12:00 AM

right time, right place....

this article really hit home... we are often dissatisfied with what we have until it is no longer there...thank you is one of my favourite words...but I have been gorgetting to say it lately.. may Ha Shem bless you. your family and all Israel...and may the rest of the World be blessed....

(18)
Anonymous,
November 25, 2004 12:00 AM

Wonderful. Just in time for Thanksgiving today.

I will be visiting my family in Israel next week. My daughter in Haifa sent me to your website and this story a few minutes ago. I will share it at the dinner table today with the mostly unobservant guests.

(17)
Anonymous,
November 24, 2004 12:00 AM

Great Article

Thank you. This was an eye opening article. At least for a few days!

(16)
Leona Stern,
November 23, 2004 12:00 AM

How I learned the truth of the above story

You are absolutely correct when you talk about how we take the miracle of a normal child for granted. At a certain age the child smiles, walks, talks, etc. All this is taken for granted. However when my third child was born, he was developmentally disabled. Suddenly with each developmental step that he accomplished, we were filled with such extreme gratitude. We finally saw the miracle of a healthy child. I cannot describe the feelings that I experienced the first time he put on his tefillin. I am sure that if he had been a normal child, while it would have been exciting, I would never have felt the same sense of wonderment at this great miracle as I did with him.

(15)
Breindy Lipschitz,
November 23, 2004 12:00 AM

It's great to review!

I attend a weekly shiur given by a former teacher of mine. Last week she spoke about gratitude, and cited many of the same examples that Sara did, including the idea about Leah being the first women in tanach to openly show her thanks and gratitude to Hashem by naming her fourth son Yehuda. When you hear an idea more than once, it really penetrates. Now that I've 'reviewed' this lesson, I hope to truly internalize it. Thank you Sara.

(14)
Rosally Saltsman,
November 22, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you

Among the things I am gateful for is that Sara Yocheved Rigler is a regular contributor to this site.

(13)
Donna MacFarland,
November 22, 2004 12:00 AM

Truth of our Livelihood

The essay "It's My Party" by Sara Rigler is a truth much needed by all; to understand, integrate and always practice ~ Sara,May you, your children and husband thrive! Thanks again!

(12)
Menashe Katz,
November 22, 2004 12:00 AM

Mrs. Rigler has outdone herself -- again!!

I have only one word: WOW!!

(11)
jeff weiss,
November 22, 2004 12:00 AM

Great! exactly what I needed @ the perfect time!

Keep em' coming, More Please

(10)
Anonymous,
November 22, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you for this incredible article. I needed to read it. I also need to express gratitude to my parents for all that they do for me. What a blessing!

(9)
Shmuel Hager,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

A Masterpiece

Sara, shalom
The de-sensitivity you mention also applies to living in Israel. When we first made Aliya, every day was filled with a wonderment at simply being here. But as the time went by, we got 'worn down' by the daily grind.

May we merit to a sense of daily renewal in our lives!

(8)
Penny,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

I'm speechless

Every time I think you've written your best piece ever, you come out with something more incredible. (The same is true of your husband's musical arrangements). May Hashem send rain (and parnassah) flowing down upon your family.

(7)
s.m.rose,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

excellent, sensitive article; thank you!

Excellent, sensitive, well-written article.
Thank you!!

(6)
Mark A Bello,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you God

This article has really inspired me to look at events in my life differently and to be very grateful to God everyday...thank you

(5)
Anonymous,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

What a great way to look at our life here on earth. As I read this I wanted to become more grateful all the time for all the gifts I have been given by Hashem. I wanted to really think about this each day and I hope I can - life is truly a gift and an invitation to a beautiful, beautiful party!

(4)
Richard Glass,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

Thank you for this article and your site

This article has a lot of meaning. It is like a parable. God offers so many things, but some people get bore with being a christian or whatever religion you may be. I'm going to paste this on my word processor and pass it out. Thanks and have a good holiday.
Richard

(3)
Roza,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

Very well-written and insightful. Words of wisdom to us all.

I love this website. I am Jewish from Europe --and have visited Israel -- I feel my Jewish roots keep me grounded even though my family is not religious and mixed marriage. My mother not being born a Jew, we converted. Keep up the good work of keeping the Jewish faith and identity ALIVE.

(2)
Raúl,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

The article made me go back to square one.

Dear Sara: I often look for wisdom in Aish articles. Thanks for putting things in order thru your well written article about being thankful. God blesses us every second, we just have taken it for granted and ignored it.

May Hashem bless you.
Raul

(1)
ilana keilson,
November 21, 2004 12:00 AM

your piece

A wonderful piece. I could not help but notice the comment someone else made equating your writing with your husband's musical arrangements. Would that make you the wife of Leib Yaakov Rigler"??? Wow!

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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