It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s Marco Rubio Back from His Failed Campaign!

esquire.com – Ol’ Big Gulp is back, and Florida’s got him. The Washington Post tells us that he’s come to save us all.

Rubio, who is expected to mount another presidential campaign as soon as 2020, first publicly acknowledged he was rethinking his decision last Wednesday, when he told reporters as he entered a Capitol Hill briefing on the Orlando terror attack, “I take very seriously everything that’s going on—not just Orlando, but in our country.”

Wait. Marco Rubio actually was on Capitol Hill? He actually was going to a meeting? He was actually Being A Senator, at least as long as the bottled water in the conference room held out? There were witnesses to this wondrous moment? Is there video? Glorioski! Rubio really has “matured.” His failed campaign for president really was “a crucial turning point” in his political career. Let’s get those Marco’s Big Comeback takeouts rolling, folks. The 2020 election will be here before you know it! Avoid the rush!