Cher dazzles on Dressed To Kill Tour

There’s no one quite like Cher. And there’s nothing quite as spectacular as a Cher show.

The ageless diva descended from a column onto the stage Monday night at Toyota Center, all multicolored plumes and sparkle, to the throbbing grooves of “Woman’s World” and “Strong Enough.” It was expectedly over-the-top and all-out fabulous, like the last days of an Egyptian disco.

Then, she removed the headgear and talked to the sellout crowd. It’s that contrast, larger-than-life diva and chatty girlfriend, that makes her so appealing.

Cher, still gorgeous at 67 years old, told the audience she was “sobbing” over clothes and choreography during Saturday’s tour kickoff in Phoenix. She mentioned Kim Kardashian’s behind. (“That used to be called fat. Now it’s like a style tool.”) She admitted to getting toilet paper stuck on her fingernails.

The Houston show is only the second date on a three-month tour (that’s likely to be extended). It wasn’t without its glitches. A sign outside Toyota Center apologized “for the delay.” An announcer told the crowd there were “some technical issues.” Cher herself boomed over the speakers just before taking the stage.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she said just before 10 p.m. “God, I hope it’s good.

“The first couple of shows are difficult. I make stuff up as I go along. I’m really happy you’re here.”

By the time she took the stage, any signs of distress were long gone. (She tweeted after the show that the “show is so big” that the crew had trouble during load-in.) The sets were detailed and dazzling. The dancers hit their marks. And Cher, often underrated as a singer, was in terrific voice. Every moment of the show was an eye-popping extravaganza.

She twirled on a chandelier during “Dressed to Kill.” She wore a red minidress and boots during “The Beat Goes On” and reunited with Sonny Bono (via video) for “I Got You Babe.” She strutted around a parade of traveling carnival acts in a loose red wig during “Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves” and “Dark Lady.”

Longtime collaborator Bob Mackie declined the costuming job because of a busy schedule. (Cher has publicly tweeted that it broke her heart.) But there was plenty of sparkle. The Indian headdress and nude bodystocking that accompanied “Half Breed” made for a jaw-dropping visual. She emerged from a giant gilded horse during recent club hit “Take It Like A Man,” sporting a cascade of blonde curls and gladiator armor. It was pure Helen of Troy realness.

A highlight reel of Cher’s films (“Silkwood,” “Mask,” “Moonstruck,” “Mermaids,” “Tea With Mussolini”) preceded an ode to “Burlesque” and proved one of the show’s strongest segments. Cher and her dancers recreated the film’s opening number (which itself riffs on “All That Jazz” from the musical “Chicago”) down to the costumes. And though she admitted some hesitation to tackling power ballad “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me,” it was a stunning vocal showcase that earned her one of many standing ovations.

She offered up a few gems for the “die hard Cher fans,” including “Walking in Memphis,” “Just Like Jesse James” and “Heart of Stone” before hitting the show’s final, feverish stretch. She skipped across the stage in a recreation of her infamous outfit – you know the one – during fist-pumping renditions of “I Found Someone” and “If I Could Turn Back Time.” An army of neon dancers, in neon costumes that looked like Rainbow Brite leftovers, swarmed around her for “Believe.” Cher thankfully ditched a similar outfit she wore during the first show in favor of a sexier getup: silver spangles, pasties and another blonde wig.

Cher’s appeal was encapsulated in her final number. She was strapped into a harness for wistful ballad “I Hope You Find It,” lifted up and slowly around the arena amid a flood of sparkling lights. Her beige gown and circular, gold headpiece evoked the Virgin Mary. (For large, breathless pockets of the crowd, it indeed seemed a religious experience.) It was also very, very Cher: a grand, glowing gesture that somehow also managed to feel sentimental and sweet.

Opener Pat Benatar promised “more singing, less talking” during her hourlong opening set. But her between-song banter offered charming insight. She introduced “Promises in the Dark” as the first song she co-wrote with husband and guitarist Neil Giraldo about their relationship. And she dubbed “We Belong” a karaoke favorite.

That phrase could have described most any song in the set. Every word — from “All Fired Up” to “Shadows of the Night” to “Invincible” — incited an enthusiastic singalong. Benatar’s best material has an ageless, anthemic quality that still erupts onstage.

She was backed by a ferocious band, including Giraldo, that seemed much bigger and louder than a modest four-piece. By the time Benatar charges through signature hits “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” “Love Is A Battlefield” and “Heartbreaker” (cleverly laced with Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire”), much of the crowd was on its feet.