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Friday, November 16, 2012

Head-in-a-Cart Takes an Improv Class: Week #7

You’re probably wondering what happened to week 6. Or maybe
not.Anyway, I missed class because I
was at AFI Fest hanging out with friends. Priorities.

I felt badly that I missed the class and dreaded that I
would be really behind.Then I found out
other people missed it too so I didn’t feel like such a bad, irresponsible
student.

Before we got on stage to do warm up exercises the teacher explained
the format of our graduation show and how it would unfold.He is going to divide the class into two
groups.Each group will pick a
spokesperson and a team name.The team
not performing will sit in the front row and participate as part of the
audience.The spokesperson of the team
performing will introduce the team by saying “Hellooooooooo, we’re the
Bananaramas!” or something like that.Then he will ask for a one word suggestion from the audience, repeat it
to the rest of the team and the team will repeat the word in unison. Then one
person will step forward and do a monologue based on memories invoked by that
word.It’s supposed to be honest and
full of details so that we can get plenty of material for scenes.The scenes can be inspired by the original
word suggestion or anything in the monologue.After a 2 min. monologue, the monologist will join the rest of the group
and then two people will step forward and do a scene.This is not determined by whose turn it is or
anything like that.Anyone can step up
and do a scene and anyone from the backline can step in and bestow a gift to
help the scene.So each group will
perform a monologue, and 3 scenes and then solicit another word suggestion and
another monologue and 3-4 scenes depending on the time.During the last two-thirds anyone can do a
monologue if they choose instead of a scene.I know it’s confusing. I was confused too.

We warmed up with our thumpers and a game called Zoom
Schwartz Elvis Profigliano.I don’t want
to forget my thumpers and for history’s sake I will list below.

1.“Scary Teri”

2.Ouch ouch ouch and jumping up and down yelping
like a puppy in pain.

3.I gotta pee I gotta pee while I squeeze my thighs
together.

4.Oh shit that’s my ex!

5.OMG I’m so positive! while I jump up

I had more but I forgot them.

Then we did a quick scene to remind us to establish location
and relationship right away.My partner
and I got the word “comb” and I said, “Honey, you’re losing your hair.”He said maybe I should get Rogaine and I said
no go to the doctor because I think it’s more serious than that. He vacillated
and I said, honey you know I don’t like bald men.He said “ouch.”Out of the corner of my eye I caught a
glimpse of the teacher and thought, oh shit.He’s balding.So I said, you know
it’s not personal.It reminds me of my
dad and it freaks me out. It reminds me of his clown wig cap and how he used to
scare the shit out of us.The teacher
ended the scene.

After warm up we basically just ran the show.Each team did the first third and then we did
the last two thirds.

Our team got the word “Prius.”I stepped up immediately to do a
monologue.It was going to be way too
easy.I knew it as soon as I heard the
word.

I told them the word Prius reminded me of my ex.I live in Silverlake and every other car is a
Prius.Everywhere we went there they
were Priuses.The weird thing is that I
never noticed it until he brought it up.So I had to listen to constant annoying comments about Priuses and
hipsters and he making fun of hipsters on Priuses.But of course I was in love so it didn’t
bother me that much until now that I have to be reminded of him every time I
see a Prius in my neighborhood.But I’m
okay really.It’s been a year a half and
I’m totally over it.The worst thing
about the break up was thinking my ex was this great dude that I put on a
pedestal and then finding out that he was the total opposite.A loser and a misogynist.I always thought I was a good judge of
character and now I just don’t know.I don’t trust myself anymore.But
I’m okay.Really.Totally okay.I’ve decided never to put myself in that situation ever again.I am perfectly happy with my doggy and I am totally fine with a closed lady cave.

While I was talking I looked out at the audience and saw sad
expressions.The more I talked, the
sadder they got.It threw me.What I was saying was funny to me, but now
that I think about it, it’s pretty sad if you don’t know me.I talked way too much because I got confused
and was expecting the teacher to end my monologue.He said at the beginning of the class that he
was going to be at the booth editing the scenes by going to black.Not the monologues.Luckily it fell within the two minute mark.

Most of the scenes people did were about Priuses:a father who works at Greenpeace tries to
force a Hummer on his daughter because they are a Hummer family (I pretended to
be a Save the Polar Bears protestor in the background); a lesbian on her first
Match.com date only dates women who drive Priuses.The last one was about a guy trying to talk
to his father about being heartbroken and the father calling the ex a whore and
all kinds of names.I didn’t do a scene.

When we talked about the scenes, the teacher told us that
we did exactly what we were not supposed to do, basically stick to the one
word suggestion.He said sometimes you
have to do that if you get nothing from the monologue or the scenes themselves,
but in this case, I gave them a lot to work with and almost no one took
advantage of it.Not everyone gets going
from A to C.I found it interesting that
the students who are the oldest do the best monologues.So is it true young people have nothing to
say?I don’t think so.I think young people are too self-conscious and afraid to be
honest.I’m not.It’s basically all I’ve got.

For the next two thirds of the show I decided I wasn’t going
to do a monologue and just participate in the scenes.Our second word suggestion was Post-It Notes
and another old fart did a monologue about how when you work in an office you accumulate
a lot of free supplies, especially pens.I stood back scene by scene not really getting inspired by anything they
were doing it.I was trying to go from A
to C, but they kept on doing scenes about office supplies, going from A to A to A.I finally got an idea and stepped
forward.When my scene partner stepped up, I jumped on him and yelled “SURPRISE!!! Happy 21st Birthday
little bro!” handed him an imaginary shot then his present then a shot,
etc.He was overwhelmed and I kept on
pressing that he open his present.He
did and was speechless.I finally said, “It’s
highlighters. And Post-It Notes. Even those that say “Sign Here.”He looked disappointed and I acted like my
feelings were hurt. I asked him why he wasn’t excited and he said he didn’t
imagine his 21st birthday bash to be just us doing shots at home.He expected to go to a bar.I told him I had limited finances and he said
then why did you give me what looks like $200 worth of office supplies.I told him it was to help him realize his
dream of having his own office supply store like Lexor. (Here I called back a
scene about the manager of Lexor, a supply store that gets its inventory from
stolen stuff people misplace all the time, like lighters and pens.)I continued to try to get him excited about
becoming an office supply mogul and going to Shark Tank and getting Mark Cuban
to invest.

Our scene inspired a monologue about a 21st
birthday bash drunken blackout and that inspired a scene about a son who tells
his dad he wants to be an equestrian.It
was set in a barn while the dad brushed a horse.The father was not very receptive and kept on
trying to discourage the son by telling him how hard it was.I then decided to act like a horse and
pranced by them and then pinched the son.The dad said, “You can never be as good as your sister, look at her.”We then lost it because we all knew I was
supposed to be a horse that bit him on the arm.My intention was to throw them a gift because the scene was going
nowhere.As it turns out, it wasn’t
really because you can never predict what someone is going to interpret it
as.You have to be very specific with
what you do from the back line when you do a walk in.Again, that was me trying to write it my way.

I was feeling very nervous about having to perform in front
of an audience for the first time in my life.I even contemplated bailing.Of
course I did.But I know I won’t.I can’t.I need to do this.I’m on a
journey.I don’t know what it is.I’ll tell you when I find out.

Lesson #7:Fear can
fool you into thinking you don’t want something you really want.