August 03, 2009

Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss

One of the very charming aspects of Web Maniac Disease (WMD) is the callow belief in the virtue of all things digital.

For a wonderfully annoying look into the mind of a WMD sufferer, I wholeheartedly recommend The 95 Theses of The Cluetrain Manifesto, one of the foundational documents of the "conversationalist" school of web zealotry.

Here are a few points from that document.

8. In both internetworked markets and among intranetworked employees, people are speaking to each other in a powerful new way...

11. People in networked markets have figured out that they get far better information and support from one another than from vendors. So much for corporate rhetoric about adding value to commoditized products.

Yeah, right.

For an alternative view (and a good laugh), read the article* about the BlogHer convention in Chicago from last week's Ad Age. Here's a taste:

At the BlogHer '09 conference in Chicago marketers were lining up to woo around 1,500 mommy bloggers with swag, celebrity appearances, shopping sprees and lavish entertainment of the sort that seems part of a bygone era to most of the marketing world...

In one corner of a convention hall at the Sheraton Hotel and Towers on Saturday, Procter & Gamble Co.'s Tide and Bounce had Tim Gunn of "Project Runway," not to mention a luncheon topped off with an invitation-only shopping spree at Gymboree.

In another corner, Walmart had celebrity chef Paula Deen was showing off a new line of her products to be sold at Walmart bakeries. A day earlier, Food Network chef Dave Lieberman was cooking dishes using products from Walmart's Great Value private-label megabrand.

Not that they would be hungry with so many luncheons and dinners, including a lavish Ragu luncheon in the convention hall and a list of around 20 non-sanctioned BlogHer events akin to Olympics ambush marketing throughout Chicago.

General Motors, which scaled back its Escalade shuttle service at the Super Bowl in February... wasn't concerned about shuttling BlogHer moms around in hybrids in Chicago.

Though Nikon signed on Carson Kressley, star of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and "How to Look Good Naked," it was hard to outdo Kodak, which had the most sought-after swag of the activities -- a Zi6 handheld digital video camera valued north of $100.

Yeah, these new intranetworked internetworks sure are different from that good ol' boy network that used to run the world.

My favorite quote from the piece:

Asked how PepsiCo, which appeared to be the biggest sponsor of BlogHer activities, would be measuring its success, Global Chief Marketing Officer Jill Beraud, said: "We believe it's the way of communicating in the future, so this is not a short-term ROI ... this is really an investment in our brands and understanding our consumers."

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Ad Contrarian Says:

"Shakespeare was a storyteller. You're a copywriter.""Good ads appeal to us as consumers. Great ads appeal to us as humans."

"Social Media: Tens of millions of disagreeable people looking to make trouble."

"As an ad medium, the web is a much better yellow pages and a much worse television."

"Sometimes success in the advertising business requires sitting quietly and letting clients proceed with their hysterical delusions."

"Marketers prefer precise answers that are wrong to imprecise answers that are right."

"Brand studies last for months, cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, and generally have less impact on business than cleaning the drapes."

"The idea that the same consumer who was frantically clicking her TV remote to escape from advertising was going to merrily click her mouse to interact with it is going to go down as one of the great advertising delusions of all time."

"Nobody really knows what "creativity" is. Every year thousands of people take a pilgrimage to find out. This involves flying to Cannes, snorting cocaine, and having sex with smokers."

"Marketers habitually overestimate the attraction of new things and underestimate the power of traditional consumer behavior."

"We don’t get them to try our product by convincing them to love our brand. We get them to love our brand by convincing them to try our product."

"In American business, there is nothing stupider than the previous generation of management."

"If the message is right, who cares what screen people see it on? If the message is wrong, what difference does it make?"

"The only form of product information on the planet less trustworthy than advertising is the shrill ravings of web maniacs."

"There's no bigger sucker than a gullible marketer convinced he's missing a trend."

"All ad campaigns are branding campaigns. Whether you intend it to be a branding campaign is irrelevant. It will create an impression of your brand regardless of your intent."

"Nobody ever got famous predicting that things would stay pretty much the same."