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Stop the Week: This Life

The president of Malawi has denied being scared of ghosts, and has ordered the arrest of a BBC journalist who reported that spirits had forced him from the presidential palace. A spokesman for President Bingu wa Mutharika says: “Sometimes the president feels rodents crawling all over his body but, when the lights are turned on, he sees nothing.” Meanwhile, former president Frederick Chiluba of Zambia has complained after police seized his underpants in a raid. Officers also removed designer suits and shirts from the home of the president, who is on trial for theft. He complained: “What they have done is bring my underpants out to the public.”

Dimwit of the week

Robber Robert Downey burst into a bookies in Tower Hamlets in London and demanded money, despite being armed only with a banana. Staff, who could see the banana through the plastic bag that was