Christian Lawyer Mat Staver Can't Believe The Government Is Going to Force Everyone To Be Gay Now

Mat Staver, chairman of the Liberty Counsel — a right-wing organization that provides pro-bono representation to people like Kim Davis who would very much enjoy being able to legally discriminate against gay people — is very upset.

In a recent newsletter to his fans titled "Government Mandated LGBT Lifestyles!" Staver asks for some cash money to help him fight laws passed by over "80 state and local governments" that he claims "effectively force people into an LGBT lifestyle." As Mat Staver is notoriously less-than-fond of LGBTQ people, he would not like it if the government forced him to be a gay person. He much prefers forcing gay people to be straight.

In fact, that is exactly what he's actually talking about here. The laws supposedly forcing people to choose an LGBT lifestyle are laws banning gay conversion therapy for minors. He doesn't say that. In fact, he specifically does not even mention that the laws apply only to minors. I wonder why that would be.

Over 80 State and local governments have passed laws which effectively force people into an LGBT lifestyle. Liberty Counsel is representing some of the victims of these morally shocking and deeply unconstitutional laws, and I will personally be arguing one of our cases before a federal Court of Appeals on February 11.

Imagine that someone has come to you desperately pleading for help that you know you can provide. And imagine that you had undergone years of schooling and training, developing the skills and tools necessary to help that person and that you're professionally licensed in this very field. You're licensed to provide help, but God has called you to this work. But the law forbids you from helping because government bureaucrats, blinded by the LGBT agenda, want that person to drown in their misery.

We are making final preparations for this vital case and it is your support today that makes it possible for us to defend the rights of professional counselors and their clients facing the situation I just described. Your partnership is what empowers us to stand beside our clients against an agenda that is attempting to dictate what counselors can say to their desperate clients in the privacy of a counseling room!

Here, Staver imagines a world in which millions of people — adults, surely — are cruelly forced to remain gay against their will, instead of being able to see a counselor with the "schooling and training" necessary to successfully ungay them. You know, because there is a school someone can go to in order to learn how to ungay people, and it's also a thing one can become "licensed" in. He feels desperately for the poor counselors who know they can "help" these people and end all of their pain, but are barred from doing so by the law.

He is also trying to represent this as some kind of patient's rights issue, framing it as "an agenda that is attempting to dictate what counselors can say to their desperate clients in the privacy of a counseling room!" — but there are a number of things psychologists and counselors are not allowed to do with or to their clients, for legal reasons. For instance, rebirthing therapy is banned in many places on account of the fact that it is dangerous and can kill you. And let us not forget, conservatives like Staver have long been extremely fond of telling doctors what they are legally allowed to (or legally required to) say to their patients when it comes to their reproductive rights.

On the bright side for Staver, in real life, his whole imagined scenario is extremely unlikely! These laws apply to minors, who don't need their parents trying to But I'm a Cheerleader them out of being gay. If that is what they want, of course, they are free to seek that treatment when they are of legal age. It won't work, it is ridiculous, but they are free to try.

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse