A daily record of my attempts to continue my weight-loss journey. After losing more than 120 pounds, I am now trying to battle my food and weight issues with Intuitive Eating. Will I reach the Onederfuls? In the grand scheme of things does it really matter? Only time will tell...

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The Goal of Imperfection

Last evening I was emailing a friend and admitted that I felt my IE work was "shaky" yesterday. I didn't binge, which in the end is my primary daily goal, but I didn't feel like I was fully honoring my body's hunger and fullness signals. I also was battling against some diet mentality when I chose to eat foods that weren't "healthy" -- potato chips, brownies, fudge. While the portions were small and I didn't compulsively eat them, it was hard for me on a day after a lot of overeating not to fall into restrictive and "healthy" eating.

Again, I sensed the old all-or-nothing, black or white thoughts knocking on the door. I worried that I'm not doing IE right, and because I wasn't restricting myself to lettuce and water the day after consuming a lot of calories, I felt the old fears of screwing up and gaining weight in the back of my mind. And this morning I thought about getting on the scale, just to see how badly the damage really is, but I managed to stay away from it.

Then I read Linda Moran's blog for May 30, and I realized this is what I need to do. This paragraph in particular spoke directly to me:

"How about aiming for APPROXIMATING normalcy? Can that be sufficient for you? Especially because so many dysfunctional eaters tend to be perfectionists and b/w thinkers, I would suggest that the goal of approximating is a worthy one, if for no other reason than the fact that a goal of imperfection may be a new idea for you."

New? How about revolutionary?

So now, looking back at yesterday, it's wrong to call my day shaky. I was successful at approximating normalcy because I fought off the diet mentality and didn't eat compulsively or emotionally. Nor did I restrict or deprive myself. I ate what I wanted and didn't stuff myself. And I didn't cave in to my worries and fears and stayed away from the scale. What's shaky about that?

I know this will be a continuing issue for me, and it will be an ongoing challenge to aim for imperfection. But the more I take the pressure off myself to be perfect, the better I'll feel about myself, and the less I'll look to food for comfort and consolation.

I didn't even know I was a perfectionist until I started IE. But boy am I ever susceptible to black and white thinking! I like what Linda Moran said about approximating normalcy. It’s such a foreign concept for me, too. Very powerful!