The moon and my man!

Eyes gazing at the sea..My heart ablazed when his sandy foot touched mine..The breezy drizzle added rhythm to the choppy waves..A rogue wave bedewed the whole meLeaving the busted shells all-over me..Tears egressing from the corner of the eyelid I looked at him..

“Broken conches never hum the song of the sea” said with his mitt on my cheeks.As he saw an upward curve on my lipsHe leaned forward to examine it.His tongue fellating a droplet across my lower lip “You’re a magician” he grinned.Even the sea water turns sweetest on you! hushed kissing me..Biting him I reddened by punishing him for the sarcasm.

The furiousness of turbulent waves enhances under the moon,So am I, in his presence!

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I would like to offer you two constructive suggestions or recommendations so that you may improve your poem even more, if you so wish:

(1) Some of the punctuations or sentence structures can be adjusted and/or experimented to enhance the poem.

(2) Since the title of your poem is “The moon and my man!”, your poem stands to gain much more by the subtle and/or sophisticated weaving of the influence and/or imagery of the moon, not just the sea, breezy drizzle, waves, shells, you, your man, and “…under the moon”.

Hey..That’s so nice of you.
Thank you so much for the valuable suggestions. I’m just a crawling kid learning from everything I see.
Your words mean a lot to me Thank you once again.
Love and blessings 🙂

You are very welcome. 🙂 Please kindly preserve my comment as I do care about you and your creative oeuvre.

Somehow, I doubt that you are just a crawling kid, even if you are making a figure of speech or a form of self-deprecation. There is certainly a considerable amount of maturity and sensitivity in you.

In my long post published at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/soundeagle-in-john-clinocks-art-rat-cafe/, you can look for a poem called “Transfigured Night” by Richard Dehmel. It is originally called “Verklärte Nacht” as it is originally written in German. I have included both the English and German versions. There, you can appreciate how the moon is quite central even though it is directly mentioned only three times.

So rich and evocative is the poem that it had been set to music by Arnold Schoenberg in 1899. Listen to the sumptuous and romantic music that I have included in the post as well. Please enjoy!

Please be informed that you might need to use a desktop or laptop computer with a large screen to view the rich multimedia contents available for heightening your multisensory enjoyment at my websites, some of which could be too powerful and feature-rich for iPad, iPhone, tablet or other portable devices to handle properly or adequately. A fast broadband connection is also helpful. 🙂