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I recently created a poll asking how long it takes people to consider having unprotected sex with someone who has multiple sexual partners, and it started a lively discussion, but the temporal premise of the poll was flatly rejected. I guess I should have known better to offer polyamorists an "other" response!

I'm a quantitiative guy, and my curiosity has not quite been satisfied. So, I've reimagined the question, which is now: with how many people are you indirectly fluid-bonded through concurrent penile-vaginal or penile-anal intercourse?

First check if any of the special responses applies to you. Otherwise, starting with yourself, think of each person with whom you've had unprotected penile-vaginal or penile-anal intercourse in the last year. Then, for each of those people, think of each person with whom that person has had unprotected intercourse in the last year. Keep going in all directions until one of the conditions holds: (1) you feel extremely confident that every person you're currently considering has only had unprotected penile-vaginal or penile-anal intercourse with someone you've already considered in the last year, or (2) there is someone you're considering for whom you can't be very confident of your knowledge regarding whom they may have had unprotected intercourse with in the last year. Be honest!

If condition (1) holds, count up the total number of people (excluding yourself) to whom you are linked by concurrent unprotected intercourse in the last year. If condition (2) holds, select the appropriate response.

Some examples:

Jane hasn't had any sexual relationships in the last year. She selects "No sexual relationships, or only monogamous relationship(s) with no unprotected intercourse."

John is a serial monogamist. He had multiple partners last year, but did not have unprotected intercourse with any of them. He selects "No sexual relationships, or only monogamous relationship(s) with no unprotected intercourse."

Jane is in a long-term monogamous relationship. She and her partner have unprotected intercourse, but she has no reason to doubt their fidelity. She selects "Only monogamous relationships, unprotected sex, very confident partners were fidelitous."

John is in a long-term monogamous relationship with Jane, but suspects Jane is cheating on him. She selects "Only monogamous relationships, unprotected sex, not very confident partners were fidelitous."

Jane is a serial monogamist, and had unprotected intercourse with two different partners last year. She is not entirely confident whether those people had unprotected sex with anyone else in the last year. She selects "Only monogamous relationships, unprotected sex, not very confident partners were fidelitous."

John is in a vee with Jack and Jane. He had only protected intercourse with them, and no sexual relationships with anyone else. He selects "Non-monogamous relationships, but no unprotected intercourse."

Jane is in a triad with Jill and Sue. She is a lesbian, and while she has barrier-free oral sex with them, she has not had unprotected penile-vaginal or penile-anal intercourse with anyone in the last year. She selects "Non-monogamous relationships, but no unprotected intercourse."

John is married to Jill. They have unprotected intercourse, and each has other sexual partners, but John is very confident that neither of them had unprotected intercourse with anyone else in the last year. He selects "Non-monogamous relationships, unprotected sexual concurrency was 1."

Jane is in a vee with Jack and Bill. Jane had unprotected vaginal sex with Jack, and Jack had unprotected anal sex with Bill. Jane is very confident that none of them has had unprotected intercourse with anyone else in the last year. While Jane had unprotected sex only with Jack, she is linked through unprotected intercourse to Bill, and her unprotected sexual concurrency is 2. She selects "Non-monogamous relationships, unprotected sexual concurrency was 2-3."

John had unprotected sex with Jack and Jill. Jack had unprotected sex with Jill, and unprotected sex with Bill. Bill had unprotected sex with Jane. Jane has other partners, but they are all women. John is very confident none of Jack, Jill, Bill, or Jane had unprotected intercourse with anyone else in the last year. John's unprotected sexual concurrency is 4. He selects "Non-monogamous relationships, unprotected sexual concurrency was 4-5."

Jane had unprotected sex with John. John had unprotected sex with Bill. Bill had unprotected sex with Jill. Jill has other partners, and Jane is not very confident whether Jill had unprotected intercourse with any of them in the last year. She selects "Non-monogamous relationships, not very confident about my unprotected sexual concurrency."

Why are you limiting this to "penile-vaginal or penile-anal intercourse"? Some folks have fluid bonding agreements that require protection for other types of sexual contact, including oral sex.

I'm primarily interested in HIV risk, and oral sex has an HIV transmission rate of less than 1 per 10,000 exposures. Of course, there are a host of other infections you can get from oral sex. Maybe starting another poll where oral sex was included would be interesting, but I felt it would confound the measurements to include it.

I'm primarily interested in HIV risk, and oral sex has an HIV transmission rate of less than 1 per 10,000 exposures. Of course, there are a host of other infections you can get from oral sex. Maybe starting another poll where oral sex was included would be interesting, but I felt it would confound the measurements to include it.

OK, no worries, just thought that this is a different question to the "fluid bonding" thing, which often includes more than intercourse....

__________________

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

OK, no worries, just thought that this is a different question to the "fluid bonding" thing, which often includes more than intercourse....

Yeah, maybe that's part of the reason my last poll flopped.

I've gathered that there are a lot of different arrangements, which is why I made this one very specific. I mean, for a while my wife and I had an agreement that if someone had negative test results, then barrier-free cunnilingus was fine, and barrier-free fellatio was fine, but semen should not be taken into the mouth. How do you classify that? Oral sex seems to have more shades of gray.

Also, I would guess that the frequency of agreements to use barriers for oral sex is much lower than the frequency of agreements to use barriers for vaginal and anal sex, and oral sex would inflate the numbers. I haven't the faintest idea how many people my partners have had barrier-free oral sex with in the last year, let alone my partners' partners. If they made dick-flavored condoms, maybe that would change...

On the other hand, I just recalled that someone my wife was seeing took a single, unwelcome, bareback "stroke." She promptly left. I said my concurrency is 1, but maybe I should have said I'm not very confident if that counts? oops...

What if someone had only one partner at a time, but several during the year? Do you only care about "simultaneous" partners?
I use quotation marks because I assume you're not requiring group sex here, so for a majority of people the partners will still be one after another as far as sex go, and not at the same time.

EDIT: to clarify, I know what the answer to the poll would be, your first post is pretty exhaustive on that. I'm merely curious why you separate things like that rather than just hve numbers, starting at 0 and regardless of the situation.

At any rate, while both of us are poly, we didn't have other partners in the past years, so I'll answer accordingly.

What if someone had only one partner at a time, but several during the year? Do you only care about "simultaneous" partners?
I use quotation marks because I assume you're not requiring group sex here, so for a majority of people the partners will still be one after another as far as sex go, and not at the same time.

EDIT: to clarify, I know what the answer to the poll would be, your first post is pretty exhaustive on that. I'm merely curious why you separate things like that rather than just hve numbers, starting at 0 and regardless of the situation.

At any rate, while both of us are poly, we didn't have other partners in the past years, so I'll answer accordingly.

If you had sex with A and then had sex with B, but then did not have sex with A again, and neither A nor B told you about concurrent sex with anyone else, let's call your relationships monogamous. If you had sex with A and then had sex with B, and then had sex with A again, but A did not know that you had sex with anyone else, let's also call your relationships monogamous, but not fidelitous. If either you or your partner had sex with more than one person in the last year, and went back to a previous partner after sex with another, and openly told that previous partner about the intervening sex with other people, let's call your relationship(s) non-monogamous. If you and your partner claim(ed) to have had sex only with each other, let's call your relationship monogamous.

I know I lurked on here for years before actually becoming non-monogamous, and that is why I separated out the monogamy. I didn't want the results to be confounded by people who had not yet taken the plunge. However, while I'd actually consider your partnership non-monogamous despite the lack of other partners in the last year, we have to have some definition of monogamy, so I guess you were monogamous in the last year.