Isn't there that old saw about not getting a haircut after a big breakup? It seems to me like the same kind of reasoning still applies here, but, uh, way more. I think it's awesome that you are deciding to do the things with your life that you want to do and realizing that waiting for a partner to come along to make those things easier is not be the way you want to go. That said, in my opinion, the kid decision isn't one you should make, or even really bother giving much thought to, while you're reeling from a breakup. I know it's frustrating to be told to slow down and wait until you're in a better and stronger mental state to do something you feel really positive and gung ho about now, but really, I think (and you asked for opinions) that planning for a child now is just bad timing.

I'd also echo what annak said about how a baby might be more isolating and make you feel lonelier than you do now, and I know you've posted about struggling with that.

I don't know - things have a way of working out, even when they happen at less-than-ideal times in our lies, so whatever you do, I imagine things will work out. However, just because you'll probably be able to scrape by doesn't mean you should put yourself in a situation that's harder than it needs to be, you know?

_________________If you spit on my food I will blow your forking head off, you filthy shitdog. - MumblesDon't you know that vegan meat is the gateway drug to chicken addiction? Because GMO and trans-fats. - kaerlighed

Yeah, for sure. I wish I could have one of those brains that can just have times of their life where they're not actively working towards something, some end goal. I hear of people just 'taking it easy' or whatnot, but my mind is so goal oriented.

Don't worry people! I'm definitely not going to run out and start trying to have a baby. :) I guess I just wanted to start a way to integrate myself into this life a bit more. I read the Playground but don't post, maybe I'll start changing that! And most of my friends have kids and I always casually mention I would totally babysit etc, but it doesn't happen because it is so casual, I'm not like actually putting myself in a way that it seems like reality. So I should start being more active with those friends.

yup, start babysitting for friends. being solely responsible for a child/children for a whole day is a lot different to hanging out with them with their parents :) and then actually having them is completely different again! but hey, people all over the world accidentally become parents every minute of the day, without ever even entertaining the desire to have children and most do pretty good at it ;)

I keep waiting to stop being so tired, but it's not happening. Coffee barely makes a dent. Sometimes I worry Malka will grow up seeing her parents tired and sleeping all the time - the past few days we've taken nap shifts when she's woken up at an ungodly hour - one of us gets up for an hour then we switch off and the other goes back to bed. I spend a lot of time lying down around her. Can't figure out how to get out of this tired feeling. Also, I super need a vacation.

*hugs* Ariann, I worry that too, especially during this deployment.. That I'm doing permanent damage on those days where I just need to rest a little and plunk her in front of the TV or ipad. The other week I was feeling nauseated and basically lay down for an entire afternoon while she puttered around. I think we're too tough on ourselves.. Really, the standards of decent parenting seem so much harder to meet for our generation than our parents', and yet the support networks are diminished.

I know parents who have toddlers that sleep 12 hours at night, plus a long nap, and I'm really jealous. And I feel like I never get the house in a decent state because by the time I get V to sleep at night I just want to sit on the couch, have a glass of wine, and watch TV with subtitles and no Elmoes.

ETA: That said, our days seem to go best when we do one, or better two, outings for the day.. when in doubt, tire 'em out!

Definitely we try to do 1-2 outings a day, it's just intolerable otherwise - we just run out of stuff to do at home. But our days take 2-4 hours to even START sometimes, with most of that being me or my husband trying to half-nap on the couch and hoping she'll entertain herself (doesn't work that well). She got up so early today that I was leaving for work as she went down for her (usually afternoon) nap!

I get nothing accomplished when she's in bed and too often stay up too late relishing not having to entertain her.

I honestly am not sure what I wouldn't do for this kid to sleep through the night now. Last night = 3 wakings with hysterical shrieking, before about 2:45. Then I gave up and brought her into our bed, while K slept on the sofa (until the pigeon that's been attacking our birdfeeder showed up at like 5 a.m.).

Yesterday, Freya and I were getting ready to go out for awhile. Standing just outside the door, I say to her "Do you want to go in the buggy?" "Freya, do you want to go in the buggy or do you want to walk?" Freya: "shoes. shoes. shoes."

I'd forgotten to put on her shoes. A couple of days ago, I was washing a Tupperware sorta container and realized after maybe 15 or 20 seconds that the crumbs weren't coming loose because I hadn't turned on the water.

We're going on holiday in 10 days and I am sure that I will die before it's over.

Here is my fail of the day. I pour L's zyrtec (she has a cough that won't clear up), and put the top on and tell myself "Remember to put the cap on tight and move it where she can't reach it." Then I give her the medicine, turn around to go wash the spoon, and then turn back to see her holding the bottle with the cap off.

I have no idea if she drank any, but given the levels in the bottle, it looks like at most she got a Tbsp or so. So I call her ped who tells me to call Poison Control. Who is very nice and then I basically keep monitoring her to make sure she is ok, which she is. I spend a few hours at the playground, feeling like the worst mother ever. It could have been so much worse, and I am just lucky it wasn't.

But man, how the heck did I not put the cap on the syrup and put it away, when I was telling myself that I needed to do that? Syringes only from now on, because obviously using a spoon is beyond my abilities.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

(until the pigeon that's been attacking our birdfeeder showed up at like 5 a.m.)

This is completely OT (although this is the randomness thread), but I had totally forgotten about "sex pigeon" -- the bird that hung outside the bedroom window of my first flat in PDX. It took me a good few days to realise it was a pigeon and not people in the office next door having loud sex. Even my roommate in the adjacent room thought somebody was gettin' it on!

Tofulish, I've had the same thing happen to me with vitamin drops! You turn your head for one moment and glug-glug!

Malka opens the fridge door now and fishes for medicine/supplements. So far she can open my probiotics and her udo's oil. She probably can't od on either, but I do worry one day she'll get into the probiotics and choke on a bunch of giant pills. Luckily we haven't had any issues yet with real meds.

Lol @ the sex pigeon. This one is crazy, trying to get at the peanuts in the feeder. I think sadly, he's scared away the finches, etc. that used to come. :( We took it the feeder down, but I think I may put it back up tomorrow to get video of this crazy bird. Seriously, he slides of the Alpine-roof, gets his head stuck sometimes...it's insane.

I have a winner of a bad parent story. On friday night we had a tot service at synagogue. After the service, the grownups were eating potluck dinner while the kids ran around like they were on speed. Malka fell in with a group of 4-5 year olds and at some point I lost track of her and asked my husband if he could see her, which he couldn't, so he went looking. The big kids had opened the door for her and let her outside. She was walking down the front steps toward the street when he apprehended her. Took about 3 minutes of us not watching. forking scary.

Tofulish and Ariann, those are both such scary situations! Someone coming in let Sven escape our toddler yoga class the other week. I didn't realize for a few minutes and I totally panicked, since he has definitely followed people right out the front door before. Thank god the front desk got him. Also I just found out last night that Sven can open the child-proof caps on medicine bottles. I had to fish an extra strenth Tylenol out of his mouth. He also dumped out an expensive bottle of Chinese herbs that I left within reach.

So...you're definitely not alone. I'm feeling like such a terrible parent since I got pregnant/Sven turned into a toddler!

Ariann, you are doing great! I think every parent has that feeling of letting their kid down. I can remember falling when pregnant a couple of times, or when I was eating a diet of potato chips and orange juice for awhile...surely I was gonna damage this kid before she even got out of me. Then all the birth trauma/non-latching/maybe some PPD...yeah, plenty of guilt there.

But you know what? Freya's pretty forking awesome, and Malka is too. So maybe we're both doing a little something right? I mean, our husbands can't take all the credit.

Ha, yeah, those stereotypes are so strong in the military community...it's funny because V is always more active than any of the boys. I am grateful to have a husband who encourages her to be brave, adventurous, tenacious, and active irrespective of gender!

Definitely! Leela is a toughie and most of her female friends are too. Malka for example is absolutely fearless and will climb anything and everything. We know plenty of little boys who are as adventurous, but also a few who are far calmer and less rambunctious.

But everytime a mom with boys posts about her kids being wild, everyone is like "Well of course! You have little boys! No wonder!" And I just wonder what they think our little girls do all day.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

But everytime a mom with boys posts about her kids being wild, everyone is like "Well of course! You have little boys! No wonder!" And I just wonder what they think our little girls do all day.

Ugh, I totally agree. I have two boys, and my house is no crazier than your average home with kids. My oldest is pretty wild, but it's not even like.. stereotypical boy-wild. He is mostly just a chatterbox who wants to tell you everything about anything. My youngest is pretty laidback, but more into "boy toys" than his brother. Everyone is different! When will we all be able to agree on that?!

_________________when you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt you head back and laugh at the sky. -buddha

God yes, this...I've even heard from my partner several times about how absolutely insane male toddlers seem to be based on his observations at the park, and I've tried to remind him that just because Dahlia is fairly calm and likes to stay near us, it doesn't mean that all female children are like that!

Leela was hilarious yesterday. She was obsessed with the most ridiculously handsome waitperson. She wouldn't sit in her highchair, she kept getting out to go run to him and wanted to blow him kisses all through our dinner.

If I were single, she'd make a great wing-person!

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.