10.06.2006

While I'm on a blogging spree anyway, I came across this picture of a cute hat today. I'm pretty sure I knitted it at some point around 2001/2 but have no idea who I gave it to, although nieces come to mind. I'm not used to having such lapses in memory, so if anyone can jog that for me I'd be most delighted.

10.05.2006

I've been super cranky the last few days, well, probably a few weeks if you ask Jer. I guess about the control freak issues specifically but it spills into everything. I just want to note that I've had 3 phone calls today and 2 last night from some of the people most dear to me and it's been much appreciated. Not one of them knew ahead of time I was feeling kinda low (well, suspected I guess) but they all listened to me vent and today I'm feeling much, much better. Cheers to friends and family.

There are several factors in my life right now that are, for the most part, out of my immediate control. I'm dealing very poorly with it. I would say that I'm a pretty easy going person in most cases but clearly there are exceptions. Arguments that I am a control freak:

1) Refusing to use a realtor to sell our townhouse.

It started as a money-saving lark but it has become a personal mission. Yes, they're the experts and could likely have sold this place 3 times over in the last month. That's not worth $10,000 to me at this point. It's a pain in the butt and I'm not a very patient person but sadly, it's become a grudge match. We've had so many realtors call and try to intimidate us and essentially call us stupid that it's got my dander up. I wonder how many blacklists we're on for trying to "beat the system". And how much dirt I'll have to eat if we ever do end up listing.

2) Serious and ongoing angst about sending Ivy to school.

We haven't seen the last of this issue. We know too much about home schooling and unschooling for this to sit well but have decided to give it a shot for kindergarten. I'm trying to sort out how much of it is basic separation anxiety that most parents go through with their first kid and how much of it is just a bad match for our values.

3) Having had our babies at home.

This is my pet issue. I've been devising a 12,000 word essay on this topic in my head for months but haven't been able to find a way to do it with any clarity. The thing I want to get across is for women to know their facts and options and take responsibility for them WITHOUT adding guilt to anyone's experiences. Labour is absolutely hard enough without pointing any fingers. Sometimes it just doesn't work out, even if everything is done exactly right. There is the opposite problem though of a high level of interventions that were probably not essential, given the right support and guidance.

Until I can come up with my manifesto, and if you are planning to have any babies, please at least browse though Ina May Gaskin's book "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth". Yes, some of the stories are over the top hippie fare but she's got a lot of really thought provoking and intuitive stuff to say. If I had to boil it down, I'd say the theme was "trust yourself first". Not science, not doctors, not even your midwife. You and your gut. Pun intended.