Monday, August 8, 2016

Glasser Wisdom: External Control - Does It Ever Work? by Judith Ashley

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series,
romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is
also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to
his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the backwards of the V.A. Hospital
in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before
I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable
man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

I
remember clearly when Dr. Glasser told a story about a friend of his who taught
criminal justice classes at a university. His friend attended a conference and
even though he’d been warned about the importance of being careful when going
in or out of his room, the professor found himself face-to-face with a robber.

The
robber had a gun and demanded the professor’s wallet.

The
professor refused.

“I’ll
give you my money,” he said pulling out cash and handing it over, "but not my
wallet."

The
robber grabbed the money and ran.

As the
story goes, the professor didn’t even give him all of his money.Faced with an armed robber, he did not do as he was told. Not only did he not give him all of his money, he didn’t hand
over his wallet.Why? Because of the hassle of getting a new
driver’s license, credit cards, etc.

Each of
us has at least one story to tell, perhaps not of facing an armed robber, but a
time and place where we were asked/told to do something and we didn’t.

Each of
us also has numerous stories to tell where we did something we weren’t thrilled
to do. Often in those circumstances we say to ourselves and anyone else within
ear shot that we ‘have to do this’ or ‘XXX made us do this’.When we do this, we denied our
choice in the matter.

How does
denying we have choices help us?

I don’t
think it does but I observe people every day use Dr. Glasser’s Seven Deadly
Habits to try to control the world around them (and even themselves).

CriticizingBlamingComplainingNaggingThreateningPunishingRewarding to control
(bribes)

The
challenge is that there are times it “appears as if” they work. The student
sits back down. Your spouse takes care of the task. Your children go to bed
with no complaining. Your mother-in-law agrees with you. We all can give
examples where one of these deadly habits "works".

Are you
someone who criticizes yourself for not doing, being, having, etc.?

Does it work?

Sometimes?
Why only sometimes?

Even
rewarding with a bribe which at least can have a positive element to it, doesn’t
always work.

When you
think about problems, whether in your own life or in the world, it generally
boils down to negative relationship.

Glasser’s
Seven Caring Habits: (I
first talked about the Deadly and Caring habits in a 2015 post. For more
examples and ideas you can read it here).