Monday, December 9, 2013

Imagine an average day of a parent of young children… Chances are you’ll picture a mom or dad
juggling the needs of the kids, spouse and the household, while trying to stick
to an agenda filled with demands and deadlines. What image could be further
removed from this than that of a parent sitting quietly by themselves and
meditating? Yet, meditation is said to benefit all those who practice
it, in particular those whose schedules are filled to the brim, like parents.

In this post I will not try to convince you of the benefits
of meditation; you only have to search ‘benefits of meditation’ on the internet
to find abundant proof of its favorable effects. As for myself, if I consider my
own experience, I can’t deny the beneficial influence of meditation, practiced
regularly over the years, on my relationships and outlook on life.

Here I'd like to go into two important questions that need to be asked and
answered:

1) What exactly is meditation?

2) How do you do it?

It’s practically impossible to give a definition of
meditation. There are as many ways to meditate as there are people. Be that as
it may, there are two common characteristics to meditation, whatever form it
takes: Quiet and Focus.

Quiet

The quiet of meditation is both the quiet in the sense of no
noise as well as in the sense of calm. In meditation you temporarily shut away
the cares of the day, reducing distractions to a minimum. That way you quiet
the body and quiet the mind.

Focus

The second aspect is the focus during meditation on your inner
being. Imagine your inner mind as a blank canvas and focus on that. As the
distractions of daily life no longer grab your attention, you direct it inside.
Like most everybody, you’ll soon notice random thoughts popping up continuously.
Don’t worry about that; it’s part of the process. Now that outside triggers
have been reduced to a minimum, all kinds of issues that are part of your
active daily life have a tendency to surface. Just watch them come up,
acknowledge their presence, and let them go. This is part of the inner cleansing
that meditation performs for you. After letting a thought go, you again direct
your focus to your inner mind or the blank canvas inside, until the next
thought or image pops up. When it does, deal with it in the same manner.

You’ll
find that, as you develop this practice, the time between surfacing thoughts
gradually lengthens, the canvas stays blank for longer periods at a time, and
it becomes easier to stay quiet, focused and alert.

How to

And so, now that it is clear that meditation is about quiet
and focus, how do you go about it? Like I mentioned before, there are myriad
ways to meditate. The outline below only serves to get you started. You can experiment
and adjust the procedure in any way you like. You are perfectly capable of
choosing the form that is most suitable for you. For instance, some people practice 'walking meditation' which they claim is very uplifting.

Consistency

At the outset it is important to state that one particular attitude is essential
to the practice of meditation: a commitment to a constant,
consistent effort. Meditation practiced sporadically is not going to do you any
good. To experience its benefits you need to commit to regular practice.

Time of day

Choose a time of day
that you think you are least likely to
be disturbed or distracted. Some
recommend a time in the middle of the night, others prefer to meditate upon rising. Clearly
parents of young children do not really have any time when they will not be
disturbed, or distracted, or not fall asleep!
Experiment with a few time slots: just
before bedtime, children’s nap time, upon rising, etc. Then pick one,
and stick with it. From now on, every day, this particular time is set aside.
This is your quiet time.

Place

Choose a place to
meditate. If you use one particular place consistently, your mind will associate it with contemplation, and it becomes easier to
focus your mind. Make sure you are not
wearing anything tight. Wear loose,
comfortable clothing. Lie down, or sit
in a comfortable position: straight back, hands in your lap. Close your eyes,
or lower your eyelids halfway, whatever feels better.

Preparation

Prepare for meditation. You may want to say a prayer or do
some gentle head and neck exercises. You will have to discover for yourself
what it takes to prepare yourself in body and mind.

Affirmation

Choose a meditation statement, or affirmation, that is personally
inspiring. Think or say the statement a
few times, concentrating on the value
beyond the words. Then pause, and stay quiet
and attentive. Meditation is an activity of feeling, of sensing the spirit within.
Concentrating on an inspiring thought will help you reach the highest possible
state of awareness of which
you are capable. Simply reciting and repeating statements will not take you
there.

Rather than focusing on an affirmation, some people like to focus on the
flame of a candle, or count inwardly from one to ten and back. Every time your
mind wanders off on some tangent, acknowledge the thought that surfaced and thank
it for surfacing. Then gently bring your mind back to the thought, the candle
or the counting. Gradually your mind will get used to the practice of
meditation, and it will become less
difficult to stay in an attentive, receptive state.

Breathing

Some writings
recommend a breathing pattern, similar to the one practiced in yoga. Experiment, and see for yourself what feels
right.

Duration

The time spent in meditation varies. When you are new to meditation I
suggest you spend five to ten minutes each day at your set quiet time. Gradually, you could expand
it to your liking by increasing the duration or by setting aside two or more
quiet times in a day. Again, there are no set rules. The essence of meditation lies in what occurs inside of you, not in the faithful following of
guidelines. Trust your inner being to direct your efforts.

And what about the kids? Well, one of the advantages of meditation for parents is that
their children will grow up with the shining example of parents who are able to
step aside from hectic daily life and connect with a deeper layer of being. The
depth this adds to their inner life benefits their relationships with all
members of the family.

(Check out this publication on recent research that seems to indicate that meditation has several positive effects when practiced for longer than 1 month. Click here to read about changing your mind-set through meditation - including a free audio recording of a five-minute guided meditation.)

Images courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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