Mr. Sexsmith Says: Strapped On Blow Jobs Are Deeply Pleasurable

April 06, 2012

Just what is it about strap-on blow jobs that turns people on?

Dear Mr. Sexsmith,

When you're wearing your cock and harness, and your partner is sucking the cock, what kind of pleasure do you get from it? Call me an eejit, but I don't know how that works. Do you feel anything, is it just the sight of the partner sucking that is arousing, what does it generally do for the top? I've been wondering this for ages and hope you can give me an answer.

Mr. Sexsmith Says: Are Butches Who Have Sex With Butches “Too Gay?”

March 09, 2012

Gender is, for many folks, a deal-breaker and a key alignment on which they seek partners, but it’s not the only factor. Power, kink interests, cultural familiarities, spiritual beliefs, common values—there are lots of things to consider. Get your shit together, own your orientations because they are legitimate and real and wonderful, and you’ll have interest.

Dear Mr. Sexsmith:

I came out just over a year ago, reidentifying from asexual to lesbian to queer. Problem is, I eventually realised I'm only attracted to other butches, specially those older than me.

But whenever I show interest in butches/bois/tomboys I find attractive, I get brozoned or laughed at. People act like my interest in them threatens their image, like being a lesbian is fine and trendy, but being butch and liking butch girls is just TOO gay.

Mr. Sexsmith Says: You Can Get Your Needs Met Within Monogamy

February 24, 2012

Hello Mr. Sexsmith,

I am a “lesbian” (the UK isn’t quite ready for Queer yet), married to a gorgeous Butch, with children. Secure, yes. Happy, not really.

After five years of being together, I can’t seem to find a way of getting my partner interested in sex—we had a very active sex life to begin with and it was never a problem. I am naturally curious, adventurous and somewhat extreme in my sexual tastes and drive, I will role play, dress up, have sex wherever the mood takes me. She is happy with a five minute fumble in our bed once every few weeks. She knows how it makes me feel, and she knows it affects my confidence, but insists that she loves me and finds me attractive.

So I am lost! I have no idea where to go from here... It’s a persistent problem. I bring it up and it gets better for a short while (ie, we then have sex once or twice that week) but then stops again. I feel like I'm beginning to sound needy, and I never want to lower myself to begging for it (unless the situation calls for it). I just cannot keep living this way and I don’t know what to do. I want her to grab me and take what she wants from me, like I want to do. But it never happens. There are so many things I want/need from sex/love and our physical relationship that this whole situation is very frustrating and is leading me to consider ending the relationship entirely. Any words of advice?

Mr. Sexsmith Says: Get Off While Strapped On

February 01, 2012

Dear Mr. Sexsmith:

My situation is this: I’m cisfemale and leaning toward stone butch lately (packing 24/7, binding, aiming to pass as male in public, and focusing on my female bottom partners’ sexual pleasure solely during play, etc.). I’m curious about fucking a girl/getting a blow/hand job with one’s cock and getting off from this action alone (as if to simulate a cisman’s dick ejaculation; that is, for me, without attaining an orgasm simultaneously from clitoral or g/p-spot stimulation). I wonder what you know about this subject (through research and/or personal experience), as I am interested in attaining it for myself and want to know what’s worked for those who can/do.

Author

Sinclair Sexsmith is a writer, activist, and cultural theorist focusing on gender and sexuality who believes in consensual chivalry, writing the old-fashioned way with pen and paper, the ideals of feminism, and that we all deserve to have a thrilling sexual life. She lives in New York City.