My wife and I lived in the UK when our children were born. The paternity leave scheme is a lot more mature over there in terms of sharing the early days in child-raising between males and females.

Because we were both in fairly senior roles, we had to be creative about how we juggled those early days. My wife initially took her maternity leave and then, when it was exhausted, I took time off as well.

With the first child, between two of us, we probably took six months. With our second, probably slightly less, probably more like four months.

We were a long way from home. We always wanted a family but we started a bit late. From a very early stage, we were very clear with each other that it would be a shared responsibility. The kids were priority No 1 from the day they arrived.

We then knew we needed to navigate a way back to Australia, so I left my job to run my own consultancy, which meant I could work the hours I needed to. And that’s the essence of what we’ve been able to do over the last decade or so – we’ve been able to chop and change our hours.

When we got back to Brisbane, we’d kind of done a full circle and we were starting to look at the scenario again. I was doing all the hours and my wife wanted to get back into the workforce. So we hatched a plan to have a massive lifestyle change. I was coming to the end of a three-year contract and my wife wanted to start up a small business of her own. So we then decided to move to the Gold Coast.

I bought into a gardening business, and then my time started to free up and we were able to get the balance back again between the two of us. So I went back into a more primary role in terms of the caring. And I still am to this day. I do three days drop off and pick up at the school and I work my business hours around the childcare commitments. And my wife went back into a more permanent role again but still in a reduced hours capacity.

I’ve just turned 50, and my wife’s 47, but we’re both in a position where we’re working three days a week and that seems to be the ideal balance for us.

I guess there’s a flipside to it. You have to watch the rest of the world, from a professional point of view, move on a bit. But in terms of lifestyle balance, we think we’ve got it about right for us.

When I was working in Brisbane, I had nearly 300 staff and I found that it seemed to be a lot harder here for dads to take paternity leave. So I tried to be supportive to people who came to me, and I tried to change the policies within the organisation to make it a lot more family friendly. Both personally and professionally, I’ve seen how hard it is for families to get through those early days.

It’s not always the case that the male in the relationship doesn’t want to be there. I feel more and more they really do want to be part of those early days, but there needs to be a generational change in the rights of the workers. Sometimes they can only take a week or few days and they’re back in the workplace and mum’s left at home with a very small child having to deal with all those challenges. It’s an unfair scenario.

There’s always tough times, especially with two young children, but speaking personally I think we are a stronger couple for it. And the kids relate to us equally. They don’t see us in those traditional mum and dad roles. My daughter’s 11 and she’s just as happy talking to me about the dramas at school as she is talking to her mum. They’re just as likely to see me cooking dinner or getting the school clothes washed as they are to see my wife doing it.

I think being able to put some value and some worth into the family environment is a really healthy thing for your mind.

Clarke Gayford is staying at home with baby Neve. So what's the big deal?

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I would say to other dads to fight for whatever paternity leave they’re entitled to. And not just accept that once it’s over, it’s over. That it’s a full-time job and it’s an important job. It’s probably the most important role they’ll have as young men. And so the values that they can give their children, as well as the values mum can give the children, they’re worth fighting for.

There’s so much scope and flexibility to change the legislation to make it more acceptable for men to take longer, particularly through those first five years. I think there should be some sort of pro rata per year – as a society, we benefit from it. We get more grounded children and I think it raises better boys, to be honest.