Valve Invite You To Meet The Pyro…Soon

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So, that Valve/Adult Swim collaboration. As many speculated, it will be the Meet the Pyro video and, yes, ‘will be’. It was foolish of us to think that the video would just appear without any foreplay, so instead there’s the image above, which tells us that something else will happen on June 27th. I’m guessing that actually will be the video, unless they choose to release one frame every couple of days, some hidden at secret locations around the world, the precise position hidden in Morse code messages transmitted on secret websites that can only be found by reading tea leaves through a specific kaleidoscope constructed in 1924.

What will we learn?

Only two things are known for sure about the mysterious Pyro: he sets things on fire and he doesn’t speak. In fact, only the part about setting things on fire is undisputed. Some believe his occasional rasping wheeze may be an attempt to communicate through a mouth obstructed by a filter and attached to lungs ravaged by constant exposure to his asbestos-lined suit. Either way, he’s a fearsome, inscrutable, on-fire Frankenstein of a man – if he even is a man.

On-fire men are among the most worrying kinds of men.

Edit: Of course, when I wrote that, thinking there was just a teaser image, I was sorely mistaken. That’ll teach me to make jokes about being teased by images. Team Fortress 2 has actually been updated, which I failed to notice, kicking off a week of Pyromania.

Day One of Pyromania reveals Doomsday, a new map with a brand new game mode that lets you relive one of the darkest days in TF history. It’s all pretty heartwrenching, until you discover you’ll get achievements, which are also detailed in today’s update.

Keep your eyes open, folks. We’ll be announcing a bunch of new stuff this week, right up until the premiere of Meet the Pyro this Wednesday.

So, is this a taster of a teaser for a trailer? Or is this the teaser and the taster was announced previously? Whatever… I’ll still watch it when it comes out, even though I don’t play the game, and am unlikely to.

“unless they choose to release one frame every couple of days, some hidden at secret locations around the world, the precise position hidden in Morse code messages transmitted on secret websites that can only be found by reading tea leaves through a specific kaleidoscope constructed in 1924.”

Is Valve ever going to actually do a new full length video game, like, perhaps, Half Life 2 Episode 3? Cause, I mean, they promised to. And I spent a bunch of money on Ep 1 and Ep 2, expecting there to be an Ep 3. Cause there was a cliffhanger and shit.

Maybe I’m just too dumb to see the value in hiring economists, trying to save American schools and doing late night animation.

I think they will, for Half Life at least. But they’re likely saving Half Life 3 for when they have something really revolutionary tech-wise to show off – possibly whatever their biometrics research manages to produce.

I would’ve loved this a couple of years ago, but the MannCo Store and a watered down aesthetic and game design have left me rather cold to TF2. No amount of marketting (however expertily done) is going to generate that zealous excitement I once felt.