In Love, Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

Those of you who are regular BSG readers know that I am not the mushy, hearts and flowers, let’s talk about us, express my emotions kind of girl. That’s not to say that I’ve never been in love or said the “L” word, because I have; I just don’t drizzle the “L” word on everything! When it comes to relationships and the “L” word, I have a firm philosophical belief:

When it comes to expressing to your significant other that you are in love with him or her, actions speak louder than words!

Before we go any further, do we even know what love means? Most of us, regardless of our single or married status, haven’t a fucking clue what love is or how to define it. I decided to go to Merriam-Webster and see how the world famous dictionary defines the word love. I won’t bore you with the whole definition, but basically love is both a noun and a verb that means to feel a great and constant affection for someone.

I know people, men and women, who say “I love you” all the freakin’ time! These people are typically the ones who also need to hear it just as often. Why? Saying it doesn’t make it true, doesn’t make your love better or deeper than the couple who rarely say it. Are these three words really that important to you that you have to say and hear it every time you hang up the phone or leave the damn room? Please, for the sake of those of us who are trying not to vomit when we are around you, just stop it!

I know, and have been with, plenty of people like this; people who need the verbal affirmation that their partner has feelings for them. The fact of the matter is that half of them are saying it out of habit or expectation; most of them are miserable and just going through the motions.

When was the last time you SHOWED your partner how you feel?

I know women who complain, “We’ve been dating for 6 months and he hasn’t said I love you.” OK, well maybe you don’t deserve it! Sorry, but I don’t sugar coat shit for anyone. I’m not saying you’re not deserving of love, I’m saying maybe he doesn’t feel like you’ve earned his love. (I know I’m gonna get shit for saying that, but I don’t really give a fuck.)

My mother used to tell me that respect is not given, it’s earned. Well, the same can be said about love. If you haven’t done anything to show the other person that you truly, genuinely care about them, then why in hell should they throw the “L” word at you?! Why, because you’ve reached some bullshit milestone in your relationship and all of the dating advice columns say he should have said it by now?

Baby, if you want to hear those three little words you best start putting those feelings into action!

Love is a verb sweethearts! All the verbal I Love You’s in the world don’t amount to shit if there aren’t genuine acts of love towards your partner on a regular basis… and I don’t mean screwing like rabbits either!

While sex is the ultimate act of vulnerability and intimacy when feelings are involved (because some of us just like to fuck sans feelings), it shouldn’t be the only way you show your partner you care. Those every day little things, the random acts of kindness, the ‘just thinking of you’ moments… that’s what really matters!

There is only one way to tell your significant other that you love them, but there are a million ways to show that person that you are truly, madly, deeply in love with them.

Love isn’t about how often you say it, it’s about how often you prove that it’s true.

19 Comments

Nice post! This is true most of us, especially men do not really say the L word except only if you feel it. I liked it when you said that respect is earned and so love is. Amazing read! Keep it up – Ritter

I completely agree! Words have no meaning without actions. If you don’t actually show it then what’s the point? It’s so nice to hear and sometimes some people use the words manipulatively so in order to get what they want. You need to gauge actions … not the words just like you said!

Amen sister! I could not agree more. Love is just not a word that needs to be said a million time on every whim. Actions speak louder than words and even the little things matter. Love the one you are with and damn it – show him or her how much you LOVE THEM!

This is so true – actions speak so much louder than words. You can’t say it just for the sake of saying it – or because its the “next step” in your relationship. When you DO say I love you, you have to say it when you don’t expect anything in return -because THAT is what love is. I wrote about this on my blog too! (http://www.chroniclesofmysinglelife.com/2014/07/how-do-you-say-i-love-you/)
Great article!

Yes! To say it is to go out on a limb and be the most vulnerable you can be, especially if you have no idea how the other person will react! But to say it and then expect the other person to say it back is just wrong. That’s not love, that’s immature lust and infatuation.

Such a great point, BSG! Anyone can say it a thousand times, but if you don’t show it, the words are empty. The only way to get me to *feel* loved is through romantic or selfless acts that show you want to do something just for me, just because you care.

People throw around the “L” word so easily and so often to everyone that it has lost it’s meaning and weight with me. I can count on one hand the number of people I have said those words to in my entire life, including to family, so they aren’t words I take lightly. To me, actions speak louder!

While I do want to hear the three BIG words from him every day, I am not a ‘get me ten thousand flowers or get out of my life’ kind of gal either! In fact, I firmly believe that Valentine’s Day is just a ploy to make rich brands richer 😛

My husband doesn’t believe in grandiose gestures (and HATES PDA – he blushes more than me 😛 ), but he believes in sticking with me through thick and thin. I have struggled with an Eating Disorder since my marriage – and have been hospitalized more than thrice for the same – and not once did he complain while I went through hell. He gave me the space to grow and the unconditional support to regain my identity! I cannot think of a deeper gesture of love than this, can I? 😀

I know couples who pen poetry for each other on social media…and I am thinking, “Umm…that’s what your homes or bedrooms are for”. 😛

Thank you for chiming in and for sharing your struggle. You’re husband sounds like a keeper! Some of us just aren’t mushy people, and clearly you knew and accepted that about your husband or else he wouldn’t be your husband 🙂 To me, words are just words with empty meaning unless there are actions to back up those words. It’s kind of like dealing with a 2 year old; you can tell that 2 year old a million times not to touch something, but until you physically get up and remove the child from the situation (or remove what you don;t want them touching) you’re words mean nothing. Saying I love you over and over doesn;t prove you love someone, but showing them over and over…now that’s what does it for me!

I just wrote about this on my blog! Everyone wants to be in love but they don’t know what it means to them or how to show it! People often are so quick to say “I love you” at the drop of a hat! I’ve also heard “it’s been six months why hasn’t he said he loves me” I like your answer “have you earned it!” That is a blog post on its own!

HAHA! I thought I’d catch flack for saying that, but so far I haven’t. I hear far too many singles, mostly women, who measure their relationship by some arbitrary milestone timeline that they read about in some magazine or article and it’s just nonsense! If you want your partner to fall in love with you and to show his love for you, then do something to earn it! Love doesn’t just come to you and a guy isn’t going to fall head over heels and start professing his undying love for you just because you think you’re awesome and it’s been 6 months! Thanks for your input XO

I agree… The challenge is to DO what speaks “love” to that person, because if you ain’t saying it out loud so much, they may not appreciate that you comb your hair or wear something other than yoga pants as a true show of love. LOL!!!!

LOL!! Agreed!! It’s the little things that matter whether that be appearance and taking care of yourself or cooking, running errands, I’m thinking of your texts, snuggling, taking care of the other when they are sick, cheering them up when they are down, celebrating their good times with them and kicking them in the ass when they need it LOL.