I'd rather be having a quiet drink... and can be followed on Twitter @alcothusiast; and friended on Untappd (handle: "neilcake" - all welcome).

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Booze and Chocolate

Cast your mind back
- go on - to February 2012. Anything? Yes, John Terry was relieved of the
England captaincy in relation to allegations of racist abuse, but it’s not
that. What? The world record for the number of water skiers pulled by a single
boat was broken? That’s amazing! How did you know that? And also, no, that is
not what I’m referring to. Think a bit closer to home. No, not Zsa Zsa Gabor’s
95th birthday. What is she even famous for anyway?

I could go scanning
the Wikipedia entry for February 2012 in order to create an entertaining
introduction to this post all day, but I’m not going to. So I’ll just tell you.
I’m referring to a post from this blog’s infancy where I referenced the gift industry. This next post is related to that somehow. How? Because it
is all about the dubious marriage between booze and chocolate. You know the
kind of thing; liqueur chocolates, whisky “flavoured” chocolate etc.

I mention it now
because I got some for Christmas. Ooh,
chocolate! Nice! Oh, whisky chocolate… ok…

What’s it for? I
like chocolate, I like whisky (or other kinds of booze), but there has never
been an occasion when I’ve thought, you
know what? I wish there were more opportunities for me to enjoy these two
things together. It’s just not necessary. In fact, I’d just prefer to keep
the two separate. It’s almost as if… these products exist [stick with me here…]
purely to provide a possible gift for someone you know who likes whisky and
chocolate. Whisky might be too expensive to give as a gift, chocolate perhaps
too uninteresting, but both together? Now you’re talking. Except… you’re never
going to get that alcohol buzz from eating chocolate. I know I always say this
blog is about enjoying alcohol, not getting drunk but… the buzz is sometimes part of the enjoyment.

So without wanting
to look a gift horse in the mouth, let’s have a look at a couple of specific
examples of presents I received last Christmas from Mrs Cake’s [and now
by marriage, my] very generous
family.

This first one is a
box of forty-eight chocolate
liqueurs. There were four varieties – Stolichnaya Orange, Jim Beam, Grand
Marnier and Remy Martin – and they were all bottle-shaped, individually wrapped
in foil, and then elaborately stacked in a large box with too many layers of
plastic.

We were only in
Canada a little over two weeks, and had only 5 days left when I received these.
I figured I could probably just eat them all in a few days, so that I wouldn’t
have to take them back to the UK with me. It turns out that 48 chocolate
liqueurs is quite a lot – especially when you’re routinely overindulging in all
the various meals of the day; burgers, chicken wings, poutine, pizza etc, etc.

I tried my best, I
really did, but in the end I had to leave five or six at the mother-in-law’s.
No one else was helping me either.

So how were they?
Well, they were all right. To be fair, they all tasted the same unless you were
to bite the top off and suck out the alcohol. Unfortunately that proved impractical
and frequently led to a sticky substance dripping down the chin. Also it makes
you look a bit stupid.

My ability to enjoy
them to their fullest was further marred by all that individual wrapping. They
were fiddly, and often a thin layer of chocolate had melted to the last bit of
foil, which meant tiny but highly melt-prone shards of chocolate would be ejected
over clothing and furniture on opening.

I know, you probably
think I’m being finicky, but it’s hard to enjoy something when you find it so
damn frustrating. Were the chocolates tasty? Yes. Were they ultimately more
trouble than they were worth? Yes – especially considering there were 48 of
them. Even without all that faffing, I think I would have been sick of them
before I could eat all 48. Why not just… not
wrap them all individually?

I’ve just worked out
the answer to that question. It’s so that the different sprits can be
represented in visual form on the foil wrappings. Damn. To be fair though, this isn’t absolutely necessary.

The other gift then,
was a small pack of chocolates labelled, “Heather’s Pick”. These were
chocolates that were apparently made with whisky. There were 4 in a pack, and I
shared them with Mrs Cake. And they were nice, but neither of us could taste
the whisky. They were like chocolate with caramel in the middle and just made
us wonder, why bother? The only possible reason could be that someone might be
tempted to buy these for a relative who likes whisky. Otherwise, you could just
make them without whisky. Presumably though, there would be no reason then for anyone to buy them.

It sure is weird,
this whole gift industry. You’re probably not supposed to ask these questions.
I don’t know. Whatever, man. Thanks to my in-laws for all the generous gifts –
on top of the chocolates, I actually got two bottles of whisky, so that was
pretty awesome – and thanks for providing another topic for the Drink it How
You Like it blog.

That’s it for this
week. Next week; something equally pointless and uninteresting. Actually, next
week is probably going to be about the 12 year old Strathisla single malt.
Laters.

Definitions

What happens when you zone out after having had a cheeky lunchtime pint.

Alcothusiast:

Not an alcoholic, someone who appreciates booze.

Anxiety, The:

The uneasy feeling that accompanies any noteworthy hangover.

Booze Buffet Mentality:

The propensity people have to go nuts whenever there's a free bar.

Booze Porn:Photos of alcohol.

Bread Chest:Not booze related, but this term describes the indigestion you get from eating too many bread products too quickly. Just putting it out there...

Crawler's Block:The inability to decide where to go next during a pub crawl - often resulting in crawl stagnation and someone saying, "shall we just have another one here?"

Crawl Stagnation:The result of failing to plan a pub crawl sufficiently - lack of a route, theme or over-familiarity with nearby pubs can all be contributing factors.

Excess Induced Alcohol Aversion:An intolerance for a drink caused (usually) by one occasion of overindulgence.

The Family:My whisky collection.

MOMA:

Moment of Maximum Appreciation. Every bottle has one. It's the time you drink it where you enjoy it most.

Old Man Pub:Traditional British pub, renowned for being quiet, cosy and frequented by old men. Much favoured by people who like a nice chat while they drink.Psychological Drinks Cabinet:Collective term relating to the kinds of alcoholic drinks a person has need for.Road Beers:

Cans of beer that you take with you when you go out, to consume on the way.

The 3 Types of Rum:White, gold and dark. Together they form the base of many a great cocktail.

About Me

Neil Cake is interested in all types of booze, but is by no means an authority or expert. Most of the time he's just trying to be funny, but he is learning, and enjoys sharing his adventures and what he learns on the Drink it How You Like it blog.
Thengyuverrymuuuuuch.