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I took this back in February but having already posted umpteen times about the tidal flood barrier could not find an excuse to post it yet again. Now this really useful bit of kit has gone and gotten itself listed building status so, anyway, that’s my excuse for yet another barrier post. Ignore the silly shadow it just seems to follow me around.

If these pics of the tidal barrier seem a bit grainy that’s because some idiot (that would be me) left the camera at a ridiculous ISO setting of 3200 (don’t ask) and didn’t realise that, unlike my old camera, it does not go back to auto when turned off.

I think you can just about make the word #city on the tower part of that ‘see your words in print’ thing that I mentioned yesterday. And as luck would have it a passing tourist asked me all about this so I was able to do an impersonation of a tourist guide. He seemed quite impressed by the place but then he gets to go home in the evening.

Many lifetimes ago I used to use Linux as my operating system, I vaguely remember concerns about the mighty Microsoft taking over the world and other silly nightmares that were common at the time. Anyhow between figuring out the many and varied scripts that kept the computer swimming and wondering how to get a wifi dongle recognised I was made aware of a program called AMOR. AMOR caused a little figure to appear at the top of a window which would then run along and fall off or it would just wander aimlessly around the screen. Utterly pointless and, of course, AMOR stood for Amusing Misuse of Resources. So what has brought that fascinating snippet of my past to mind? Well here on Humber Street an iron dais has been erected which at night time allows a person to have their spoken words captured by voice recognition software and then projected dot-matrix style on the flood barrier at the other end other street. Here‘s an example from the local paper. I’m sure it’s all very hi-tech and we are told the machine will ‘learn’ to recognise the Hull accent and, of course, it comes with the usual culture-speak nonsense about changing the way folk see public spaces yada yada yada. But come on now, admit it; it’s just a big toy and about as much use a wobbly widget on an X screen.

Oh and as for the Linux thing forget it, I learned to love Microsoft’s Windows XP and no, I will not upgrade, never, not ever, do you hear me?

I don’t know if you local paper has a buzz word that it uses over and over despite the writer not having a clue what the word means. With the local rag here that word is ‘iconic’. So every old building becomes iconic, bridges become iconic, fried mashed potato patties become iconic, the very snot from kid’s noses is a runny green iconic splurge. So, in the manner of the iconic Hull Daily Mail, we have here on the left in the background the iconic Humber Bridge, moving across Hull’s iconic water front, the soon-to-be iconic C4DI building, the obviously iconic Holy Trinity, the newly iconic Millennium Bridge and the gloriously iconic Tidal Barrier. I’m standing in front of the iconic Deep and I realise I forgot to mention the iconic River Hull and iconic Humber with attendant iconic mud. Those clouds passing by, yup, part of the iconic Hull sky …

Ah we all shall be saved from wet feet and damp houses as the announcement is made for a £45 million plan to improve the river Hull’s flood defenses. But do note the plan has been agreed; not the £45 million! If I prattle on about flooding a lot then well it’s the thing that hangs over this area like some wet sword of old what’s his name. Most of the Hull valley and certainly all of the city of Hull itself is below sea-level at high tide. Anyhow one of the proposals is to use the tidal barrier more often as a sluice gate to stop the Humber going upstream during heavy rain as opposed to its current use only during very high tides on the Humber. Seems they’ve already tried it out and it works surprisingly well. So if they get the go ahead and that means amending legislation then the old girl will be in action maybe two or three more times every year. If that doesn’t work then proper sluice gates at a cost of £16 million could be built. And if all that looks like a lot of money then think on that it’s estimated a good flood of the Hull river basin could do £3.4 billion damage and make my feet wet.

In the increasingly ridiculous local paper today I read that Hull is better than Paris. Et bien, à chacun son goût! But there are similarities for, on our delightful rive droite, close by the tidal barrier there’s a space with seating where les philosophes meet to admire the view and drink cheap, synthetic, industrial strength cider from a big blue bottle. Did someone not say delusion is the first of all pleasures?

The recent demolition of Wellington House and the clearances made for the new C4DI buildings have made a little space for a this view of the tidal barrier and the Millennium footbridge. Enjoy it (or not) while you can for new buildings will sprout up soon to block out this vista. The security fence around the site has images of what is planned, something new and definitely different.