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Cover: Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton are planning a down-home, $2-million Oklahoma wedding, with okra and a corn maze and performances by Blake’s friends Luke Bryan, Brad Paisley and Hank Williams Jr. She’s also trying to keep the plans from reaching ex Gavin Rossdale; look, if she’s worried that he’ll want to attend, I bet the words “Oklahoma,” “corn maze” and “Hank Williams Jr.” took care of that.

XXX meets XXXL: Husky Rob Kardashian and putative girlfriend Blac Chyna are planning to release a sex tape. Rob, I can guess why you hate your family, but what do you have against the rest of us?

News from ’95: Life & Style cites a onetime insider from TV’s Friends (ask your parents) and it says the cast were a bubbling cauldron of sex, just as you’d always hoped, except for Lisa Kudrow who, like an idiot, got married.

US

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Cover: US broke the news last month about Bachelor Ben Higgins saying “I love you” to two different women on the show, neither of whom is his mother. This followup story is not so much a bombshell as a Pop Rock. Ben reveals “I’ve had tough conversations” — presumably not trying to talk the two ladies into the kind of arrangement he’s nowhere near slick enough to pull off.

Two spouses, one house: US reads Jennifer Garner’s interview in Vanity Fair and passes along her new normal with Ben Affleck: separate bedrooms, sure, but at least in the same vast mansion. Exactly the sort of hugely wealthy, not-entirely-unhappy marriage you’d wish for yourself.

OK!

Cover: An insider says Katie Holmes is pregnant with Jamie Foxx’s child, or maybe someone else’s, and it may have been created with in vitro fertilization or possibly the old-fashioned way. It cites Foxx’s reluctance to go public as the reason for every missing detail, in a dog-ate-my-gossip kind of way. This story is so thin it should have been printed on crepe paper.

Flop house: Co-writer Justin Theroux is taking Zoolander 2’s failure hard and taking it out on Jen Aniston. Let me feed this line to the actress: “Forget about it. Everyone else has.”

Pregnant pause: Blac Chyna was seen not drinking, so she must be expecting. I did not think that the possibility of that sex tape could get more disturbing.

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