Here is another e-mail from a subscriber. She wanted to poll my readers to see if anyone will have something to say about this interesting date.

Hi Elaine,

I met this guy on a free dating site. He e-mailed me and then he sent me an IM when I was online, so we chatted for a little bit but I said I had to run, here is my number and to call me sometime when he wants to go out.

He texted me right away so that I would have his number and I responded, ok I got it, talk soon.

He since texted me here and there trying to set up a date, but we didn’t meet for a couple of weeks because of our different schedules.

Last weekend he called and texted me but I already had plans, so he said how about next week? And I said I’d have to look at my schedule because I had no idea.

So, he said, ok, let me know.

On Monday I was going to go out to eat by myself, so I called him to see if he wanted to keep me company and he did. We went to a local hangout to eat; nothing fancy, not like a five star restaurant, more like a dive but great food. We had a nice and fun conversation, a little sexual, but nothing too hardcore.

He dropped me off at my place after dinner and said he wanted to kiss me. I said, ok sure I know guys expect a kiss at the end of the date. He said, well, I know if the kiss is good sex will be good also, so this is how I “test” the girl. Well, it was all said in a flirty tone of voice. We kissed, it was nice and I went home.

He texts me that evening, “great good nite kiss! Look forward to seeing you again soon.”

I was asleep so I got his text message the following day and responded, “look forward to it too.”

Then he said, “send me some pictures.”

I didn’t send him anything and just left it like that.

But the following day it was real hot outside and I wanted to go swimming. I sent him a text “do you have a pool at your place?” and he texted back “why? Do you want to go swimming together?” I said “sure, where?” He responded, “I am flying to LA tonight. don’t you have a poll at your place? I don’t have one here.” I said, “I usually go swimming at the gym. What time is your flight?” He said, “8:30” and then texted “you should invite me to your gym”. I text back “right now? Won’t you be late for your flight?” He says, “not tonight, silly”. So, anyway, we keep chatting back and forth and somehow our conversation turns sexual. He sends me a pic of himself wearing briefs. I say “did you just take this pic?” He says “maybe”.

I am like, “whatever”. So, he says “when can we go skinny-dipping?” So, I go along with that. He wants to make plans and brainstorms where we can go. Then he gets on the plane.

Late at night (apparently when he got to his hotel room in LA) he re-sends me his shirtless pic and asks me if it arouses me. I just ignore it. But the day after I respond “it’s hard to see on this screen. Do you have any more pics for me?” He responds right away “no, but I can take more for you. I am on the road; send me a sexy pic of you to brighten up my day.” I was on the road too, so I said I was driving. Then he asks me if we are still on to go to the gym together this weekend, and I confirm.

So, here is my question, Elaine:

What do you think of this? Does this guy only want sex? Your thoughts are much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Ok, here is my take on the situation. For one, kudos to you for not sending him a pic of yourself. Like I said in my Texting Guide if you had a chance to read it, do not send a guy dirty pictures of yourself. You never know who’s going to see them. Additionally, you’ve just met him. You don’t know how many girls are sending him dirty pics of themselves. It appears that this is not the first time he is asking a girl to send him pics, since he was so natural at asking you for them, he probably is trained to ask girls to send him pics by now. And I bet he’s got a little surprise collection of them on his phone.

As far as what he is interested in… You don’t know at this point. You’ve just met. Go out and see for yourself. Since he asks you to go work out together, why not do so? It appears that he is at this time interested in more than just sex, otherwise he would not have asked you to meet him at the gym. Pretty difficult to have sex at the gym, don’t you think?

Just go with the flaw, and don’t worry too much about him texting you sexual messages. A woman can turn a relationship any way she wants. Guys want sex; we all know that. There is nothing wrong with that. It is up to you, as a woman to steer your dating relationship in any direction you want. If you agree on just having sex, he will go with it, trust me. But you need to do other things together if you are not happy with just a hook up. And it appears that the guy has had a lot of experience with women. And that’s ok. It doesn’t mean that he is a player. What matters is how you turn your relationship around; that’s what it is going to be.

Comments

I met my boyfriend for our first date and he texted me the next day, and we sent each other dirty text messages all day. The chemistry was incredible. We slept together on our second date and it was great. I never looked back. We've been together 5 mo. If a guy likes you and you like him back it is normal to let each other know how you feel about each other.

I think Elaine's typo in the last paragraph (first sentence) was correct....."FLAW." I believe men start testing the water and your behavioral reaction immediately after meeting you. Some are a little more aggressive than others but the fact still remains. Because Mr. New Guy immediately started throwing sexual innuendos out there during the first date and Ms. I Wanna A Relationship responded back in same meant only one thing in his mind...."GREEN LIGHT." If a man is ready for a serious relationship and truly interested in spending time and wanting to know you for you.......getting his grove on at the gym swimming pool and/or making his way back to your apartment afterwards for the final proof of your being a good kisser only means one thing.........."GREEN LIGHT" Not to mention this being a lame date (i.e. showing up at a gym you've pre paid the membership for). The tone of his conversation alone says..."I got it going on like that and only out for a good time...ready to be another notch on my belt?" You can be naive enough to believe this might be a possible "good catch" but believe me you'll be just another collected phone pic he shagged before moving on to the next dame he meets for a cheap date at her local dive. Good luck if you're expecting otherwise.

interesting. the first date conversation is "a little sexual'. REALLY? how did that happen? I have yet to meet a guy who will strike a sexual conversation on a first date unless the woman approves of that and goes along with it.

next, she again invites him to go swimming "at his place". She texts him a suggestive message implying that she may want to go get naked together (at the pool of course) and that it has to be at "his place".

Hi, I had the same thing happen to me. He asked for some photos and said he wanted to see me. So I asked him what do you wanna see? I do not understand the question. Again no specifics but he wanted to see me. Ofcourse I should have asked further but I didn´t send him any pictures. Then he pursued me every day for two weeks. IM messages all day long as soon as he saw I was online. But by this time I found out he had a girlfriend. So was he just friendly or not? I didn´t know what to think so I responded but in a very cautious way. Then he suddenly broke all contact and told me he was going away with his girlfriend. I think he didn´t like the fact I hadn´t been more enthusiastic or flirtatious. Now he is still keeping an eye on me in secret and after months he has initiated contact again, not through messages ( I think his girl looks through those) but indirectly. Don´t know if I should do. I do not want to be the backburner in case it doesn´t work out with his girl. Or does he genuinely like me?

ok we've changed the setting... all I can think of that if there was a word 'sex' or something similar the spam filter caught it erroneously... again, I apologize for this inconvenience; it's been now changed.

hi elaine,
actually e n him were in a relationship for 8 months. and our relation was through chatting oonly... but stil i loved him reallly very muchh..even i thought he loves me...and after so many dayz he suddenly told he wants to break up wid me... i dont know what to do... i was really broken..i asked hi the reason..he toold he cant be wid me forevr thatsy.he doesnt want to continue...its been 2 months since we broke up..but still i love him..i call him sometyms..we chat...i dont know why he broke up... i still cry about dat evryday..i tried alot to get him baack..but he doesnt care if i say anythng....n yea im 16 years ....n what do u think i should do on this aspect??? should i talk to him or i should move on and never talk to him again?? plzzz help me

hi,i met this police guy 8months ago,wen we first met i had no interest in him at all.he asked me 4 my e-mail address and we started talking,then i gave him my number.he used 2call me a lot,even when i insulted him and tell him not to call my phone,he showed genuine interest in me.then i opened up and got to know him and i started to fall madly in love.he says he wants me to be his wife and that he loves me.he calls me and text me and we have so much fun 2gether.he asked me if we could have sex.and i haven't given him a straight answer yet..what should i do? should i stay with this guy?

I am trying to win my cheating husband back but when talk on the phone he keeps telling me I am not consistent with my calls, I am just being too emotioal when i call to say I miss him and if I tell him I love him and want him back he says he is tired of the poem. should i just just dump him or leave him alone for a while. I think his interest is elsewhere

hi, i just posted to whats on my mind? why do you want your cheating husband back? my ex cheated too and i want him back but with no cheating and it will happen. he said can he promise manogomy no, but will he try yes. i replied. i guess that will be up to me. and it will. sounds to me like if he wants you to be consistant with his calls then its because he doesnt want you interupting anything else. you say you think his interest is elsewhere. a friend once told me if you smell a schonk, there probably is one. she was right. However in my marriage, he cheated because i shut down emotionally due to other things go on. our supposedly best man told him is was p***y control. I would try and try to talk to him about it but he wouldn't listen. still beleived the ex best man until one day during our divorce. the best man says, hey, it was a joke. my ex says. i beleived you.

we had a business together so our issues were control of that and the toxic people interfering. those issues are gone. i no longer want any control but of my own self. i will not marry him again or intermingle my finances with his. i will help him by doing the things for the company i used to do which i don't mind because he did a lot for me, only we failed to acknowledge each other. me more than him. i took him for granted physically and he took me for granted financially. a lot of my separate money went into the business which he got. in 16 years, he only complained about my cooking or lack of when i didn't want to; one time. he always vaccumed and mopped the floors. took care of home repairs right away. he took care of me when i was sick. it takes two and i have learned alot from our divorce. to be a better person, to love me first, no matter what. to forgive. i stopped the blame game and started giving a lot more affirmation. maybe you are being too emotional. i want to tell my ex all the time i love him but i don't. he doesn't tell me in words but in actions, which speak louder. i can tell he is actually listening to me. i told him we never had sex on our wedding night or anniversary. recently it would have been 15 years of marriage. he text me early in the day and wanted to come spend the night. i was floored. i know is is paying attention and i am him too. we haven't decided to be full time yet. i just go with the flow.

men can't deal with our emotional outbreaks. i don't know how old you are but i can tell you from my experience that they cant and it will only push them further away. praise him when he deserves it. ignore him when he deserves it. don't put up with any b/s. you know when he is cheating or you are in denial when its happening. i make my own happyness. sure my ex knows i want him here but only if he wants it and im not pushing. i don't want him to be where he doesn't want to be. i date other guys but no sex. if you want him back and want him to really love you. then love yourself first. you only have you and nobody else. like i said, i don't know your age and my husband did cheat but i don't want that cheating husband back. i want my ex back but not the cheating one. we both are trying but not too fast. i have had more quality time without fighting in the last 5 months than the last five years of our marriage.

i'm 54, he is 55. and to go from lust to love and then now from love to lust its awesome. if you want him to change, change your own behavior first. the fact that we are having real conversations without fighting is a blessing in itself. ours was a fight one day and he filed for divorce the next. neither of us wanted it but once initated couldn't be undone. he would have lost face with me and peers. we both are better people now. we have been divorced/separated.3 1/2 years but we are still in love with each other. i have no doubts and neither does he. sounds like your behavior that was part of the divorce, i did what you are doing. you haven't changed so he isn't going to either. you want to bring his love to you. not push it away which is what i see you are doing just from your short comment. please forgive me. i tend to write too much. but i only know this from a hard lesson learned. he was the only man i married and meant for better or for worse. when i acknoweldged my part. gave him affirmation for his good. he starte to open up and now is acknowedgeing his bad part which is another shock. men rarely admit fault. when he did. i said, thanks for sharing that with me. he replied, if i had known you were going to say that, i would have wrote more. words are just words until you put them with other words and they need to be mostly inperson. be patient with him on opening him up if you really want him back. a lot of people think they want their ex and when they get them they don't because nothing has changed. my ex doesn't want me to say i love you. i said ok, but even if i say it and i really mean it with all my heart. i can still walk away. can he? so that is our standstill. i know i can. i deserve a better life and i won't settle for less than what i deserve. no cheating husband.

I would suggest, not to send him dirty pics.to me this feels like, you should first allow yourself to take YOU serious by him. Before doing anything sexual, check him out first whether he means serious. Do some fun things together(without sex, this is lol), get to know each other on a more personal level( if a serious relationship is what you want).As far as I am concerned, physical or sexual attraction, does not mean chemistry which is should soon be present, for this means feeling attracted to one another at all levels(physical, mentally, sexual, spiritual..)

This is why i don't like online dating. it seems all men are interested in is setting up a booty call. you meet the first time, then if you act like your not going to give it up anytime soon, they don't call back. if you do, they don't call back either. i also find that men lie more about their ages than women do. I;m 54 and look great inspite of some pre aging issues but all the men that say they are my age or close look much older. do they think we are stupid? i have men friends my age and they don't look as old as the ones online. real friends, not the sexual kind but yea, it crosses their mind but i tell them straight up where i stand. if you don't like it, then i don't care if your my friend. actually, the possiblility of getting with my ex looks better all the time. inspite of our troubles. i know him. i don't want to spend years with someone and find out its not going to work and then here i am again. im at the point where i don't care. im happy living alone. i have a few booty calls with him. he knows i date but i don't cheat so he is cool with that. i asked him to respect me in that way as well. he does.at least with him, i know where its been. we are kind of like friends with benefits. maybe this is the best way. and if i'm going to give it up, i get something in return, like work on my house. stuff like that. he looks just as good to me as when i met him 16 years ago. if a guy is going to lie about their age online what else will they lie about? i want an honest guy. i'm too old for games. i don't work outside my home. i'm retired but i stay more busy than when i did work. i'm probably happier than in years but i do want male companionship on a more permant basis. with my ex? not sure but i think i would do better at flirting with a guy in an elevator or at the store than online. do other women have this problem? guys expect us to be almost model material but they don't put much into their appearance. I just don't get it. is it worth the trouble?