This Father’s On Strike

Have you had one of those weeks – or months?

Your children refuse to listen. They feed off one another. As they revel in defiance, the established routine goes out the window. Even a simply request creates a one-sided debate. As patience wanes and tension mounts, you recognize that feeling.

You are about to blow.

Here are your choices.

Start a yelling contest – convinced that you can win.

Cancel every holiday for the following decade.

Fake a mysterious illness, faint and wait for your children to respond with concern.

Go on strike.

Although I will admit “starting a yelling contest” more than once,” don’t go there. It can lead to a nasty argument. Worse yet, it sets a precedent – one that’s extremely difficult to overcome. In other words, yelling becomes an acceptable way to communicate. Several of my kids then used my less-than-appropriate behavior against me.

Over and over, they yelled – sure that I would eventually respond in like manner, because I had yelled in the past.

Not the way to connect and build trust!

“Canceling every holiday” can be tempting in a moment of utter frustration. But do parents really mean what they say? Can they possibly follow through? Once hasty words leave the lips, they aren’t easily erased – or forgotten. Moreover, outrageous statements on a regular basis become a game of “crying wolf.”

When I offer a well-intentioned, rationale comment in the future, will my children listen? Or will they assume I’m blowing smoke once again – unable to recognize the difference?

Not the way to show self-control!

“Faking a mysterious illness” – or anything for that matter – is a crap shoot, unless your Thespian skills are second to none. Even on days when the bowling fairy dropped a 10-pound ball on my head as I slept – and left me feeling like crap in the morning, several of my kids showed little sympathy. Much less empathy.

“You’re faking” was their immediate response – probably because they had done the same themselves. Takes one to know one.

Not the way to emphasize integrity!

That leaves “going to strike”

Over the years, a strike has worked wonderfully at my house – when carefully implemented. The key lies in the approach.

TIMING is everything. For starters, a strike cannot be overused. Otherwise, it loses effectiveness. I recommend no more than one strike every two to three months. Weekends worked better for me than weekdays, mornings over late afternoons.

Put your TONE in neutral before speaking – with no signs of anger or jubilation. Rather than using too many words that can trigger an argument, I simply make the announcement. “I am now on strike.” A hand-made sign can add to the moment.

My list of CONCESSIONS follows – similar to an actual labor strike. They must make sense and must not over-reach. To limit discussion, I stick to tasks or chores that my children have done in the past. I then make my expectations clear. Until they are completed (which should take 45-60 minutes), no eating my meals! No riding in my car! No using my internet! No watching my television!

Now to stay cool!

I play upbeat music – to promote movement.

I promise not to sing – to make my kids laugh.

I remain positive – to reduce negativity.

I work on my own list – to convey fairness.

I help my children initiate their tasks – to model behavior.

I give ownership – to create a sense of control.

I wait for compliance – to ensure accountability.

I never add to the list – to avoid resentment.

Each and every time when I thoughtfully orchestrate my strike, the result is meaningful action. And with all hands on deck, my kids are amazed at their productivity.

Afterwards, I resist the temptation to lecture. My point’s already been made.

Better yet, several of my kids now show leadership. They motivate their siblings to act – before I’m pushed to call a strike.

Now it’s your turn.

Don’t be angry. Work smarter, not harder – and go on strike! DCP

For other tips on stepping out of the box and parenting differently,click here.