989813 Jdawg78 : Why do they hate each other? 989814 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : lol as you could expect from Freud, there's mentioned attraction to mothers involved. So their own mothers are forbidden to the men, and mothers-in-laws are "reachable", at the same time they hate them for their uglyness bc they resemble their wives and ruin the charm, predicting wive's future looks. 989815 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : mothers-in-laws tend to have zero romantic life by that age and they live "in lives" of their daughters 989817 Jdawg78 : Interesting. 989818 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : so they end up liking or loving the same people - their husband too 989819 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : but of course it is a forbidden object so there are conflicting emotions 989820 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : so there's both tenderness and hatred on both side, hatred mostly comes from morally inacceptable tenderness 989821 Jdawg78 : Ok, brb 989822 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i think i got obsessed with Lucas, i tend to get obsessed with thoughts\feelings, thats an autistic feature, right? 989823 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : usually theyre negative feelings 989824 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i was grateful tho, bc he totally distracted me from my bf. As i said, that ws the first attraction to "outside" since ive been in a relationship 989825 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : hey there are awesome paragraphs on the feeling of guilt after losing someone too 989826 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : subconscious desire to kill your close one\pleasure from their death 989827 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : this book kind of ecplained to me why my mom was so superstitious and wouldnt let me pronounce anything that would contain death and me in the same sentence, for example 989828 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : she would be scared and anrgy 989829 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : for her thoughts were real 989830 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : and maybe she was a little too scared bc the idea was desirable 989831 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : lol i could go for this interpretatin, but not everything in real life is so easy 989832 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : im sure she cared about me hell of a lot 989833 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : maybe a little desire of closest one's death is okay 989834 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i, for one, always wished her death verbally, when we fought 989835 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : anyway' 989836 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : Do you enjoy books on psychoanalysis\philosophy, guys? 989837 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : ok I'll go do sth useful 989838 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : your company is cosy even though youre silent guys <3 989839 charliedontsurf : lol no, pyschology as a rule bores me, and technical books are a chore for me 989840 charliedontsurf : My rule is keep is simple, use common sense, be honest with yourself and do a personal inventory and realistic check 989841 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : I, on contrary, prefer special literature to ..artistic literature now 989842 charliedontsurf : All of these conflicting psychological theories once you get out of school are often just that 989843 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : yeah i kind of agree but 989844 charliedontsurf : one upmanship 989845 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : your rule is your rule, and many people arent actually very honest 989846 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : so you have to use all your skills to find out the truth 989847 charliedontsurf : That doesn't change a thing 989848 charliedontsurf : If they're not honest, bad on them, I'm not a psychic 989849 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : im amazed how i was brought up like an honest dope. People dont live like that 989850 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : yeah but bad on you too, bc their actions get you in trouble 989851 charliedontsurf : I can only go on what they say and their track record, and considering my clientele, that's often difficult 989852 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : sure, im strictly against "reading thoughts" too 989853 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : some people like to tell you what YOU mean lol 989854 charliedontsurf : No, their actions DON'T get me in trouble, in keeps them enslaved to making the same errors again and again 989855 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : I try to express myself as transparent as i can, and my idiotic questions descend from a desire to understand clearly too 989856 charliedontsurf : I can only lend an ear, try to understand, give options 989857 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : hmm interesting point 989858 charliedontsurf : I'm a fallible human trying to do a job the best I can, the onus for the most part is on them if they want to heal 989859 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : but it's good to have more tools to comprehend something, people might not know the reason of their actions either 989860 charliedontsurf : Again, many people tackle therapy in a myriad of ways....I try to keep theory as just that, and not as a template, or manna from heaven 989861 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : you resembled me Irvin Yalom here, he seems to be a brilliant and flexible therapist, have you read his books? he expresses similarly on theory 989862 charliedontsurf : What's the problem? Why do you think you're where you are? How committed are you to change? What are your realistic options? What will it cost you mentally and in real life terms? 989863 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : those are sensible questions, yeah 989864 charliedontsurf : I find it more "real" than plugging in the complex theories of Jung or Freud for example, trying to force a circle into a square because it was a theory 50 years ago in your college text 989865 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : of course, though still pieces of these theories can be helpful, no? 989866 charliedontsurf : They may be wowed for a minute but then it seems like tedious mumbo jumbo and not a practical solution to their real-life circumstances 989867 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : well of course, they're not designed for solution but for understanding 989868 charliedontsurf : Sure, but then one therapist goes in this direction, another in a different direction, and the patient just wants help 989869 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i think combining solution-aimed therapy with some theory once in a while is okay 989871 charliedontsurf : I studied Systems Theory, I liked it 989872 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : thats why i think yalom is brilliant, he doesnt stick to a dogma' 989873 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i will check it out 989874 charliedontsurf : some theory....there are many, and quite different, so just make a hodgepodge of theories until you're in a knot? 989875 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : if a therapist is talented\experienced, his mind will lead him to the right interpretaion, will use the needed tool 989876 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : this tool might be one of the theories 989877 charliedontsurf : It would get confusing....I just keep it simple, not doing the Freud two-step with outdated mythological theories and dream interpretation lol 989878 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i guess it depends on client's goals 989879 charliedontsurf : I still say the onus is on the individual, they're the one with the thoughts and actions.... 989880 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : some just want an efficiant cognitive therapy without explanations 989881 charliedontsurf : of course if you have a quack therapitst you're at a disadvantage 989882 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : yes, sure 989883 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : quack? 989884 charliedontsurf : a con, a charlatan 989886 Zaratustra : Today the British leave the European Union, as much peace as they leave. 989887 charliedontsurf : I'm not going to say to a client one day...let's delve into psychoanalysis.....later Skinner, later Fritz Perls, blah blah 989888 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : well it is his decision anyway 989889 charliedontsurf : it's confusing, it's contradictory, it's unnecessary in my opinion 989891 charliedontsurf : someone mentioned Gestalt the other day, I think it was you Olga 989892 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : loool yes 989893 charliedontsurf : If you like that approach read Gestalt Therapy Verbatim 989894 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i dont know anything of gestalt therapy tbh 989895 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : i only know a vague definition of the word 989896 charliedontsurf : It's the brainchild of Fritz Perls 989897 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : okay, I~ll read it, thanksQ 989898 charliedontsurf : the sum is greater than the parts 989899 charliedontsurf : It's dry, but you seem to not mind....also try Walden II by Skinner 989900 charliedontsurf : A different approach entirely 989901 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : awesome, thanks <3 989902 charliedontsurf : When you wake up, burn both books 989904 charliedontsurf : Tell me what you think of Systems Theory when you get a chance.... 989905 charliedontsurf : This conversation is boring me, no wonder Glass is out to lunch haha' 989906 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : JD is out to save the world 989907 charliedontsurf : ? 989908 Jdawg78 : I was cleaning. 989909 charliedontsurf : Does he have his Superman cape on? 989910 charliedontsurf : I think he's more Boy Wonder 989911 sonvzvezdnuyunoc : do you wear glasses JD