SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse

I’m Mickie Zada and I lived in abuse…for 34 years…from age 19 until I was 53.
I believe we create our realities, and I chose to stay in a damaging relationship for so long because I thought it was my Calling. I was wrong.
I changed me. I am now an enthusiastic participant in Life.
“The words ‘I am’ are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you’re claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you.” A.L. Kitselman
I am a strong woman, a fabulous woman, over 60 years old.
I am a Change-agent. I am an encourager. I am uniquely qualified to speak to living in abuse, getting out and surviving to the fullest extent. I know what it takes. I know the fear. I am a survivor.
I am a coach.
I am happy to have these “I Am” words to reach back and claim me!
The actions I teach and share are those that I’ve learned in my Journey from choosing to live in abuse to choosing to create my authentic life; safe, sound, Real.
I invite you to read through this web page. Think about who I Am. Read blogs, listen to some podcasts, watch live videos. Do we connect?
I am open and exposed. Choose to reach out to me or not.
What I know for sure is that I lived the life of abuse, and got out, and I’ve thrived, to serve as a beacon to other women.
If you live in abuse, or you’ve recently escaped, it’s my Mission to support and encourage you to choose and live a healthy life.
The materials, the tools, the support is here.
It’s your responsibility to grab hold and change yourself, from the in-side out.

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“And yet, our society seems to think we should brush ourselves off after a life-altering change, go back to work and be OK. But, what does OK mean?”

That’s a quote from Heather V. Shore’s new book, Deeply Wounded Hope. Another that made me smile is God saying to her “Patience is accepting God’s timing. I answer your prayers in ways you never imagined.”

In her book and during our conversation Heather shares with us her inspirational life story of surviving and thriving after leaving, domestic abuse. She speaks to us like close friends, inner circle confidants and like-minded survivors…all of which we are!

Today’s guest, Lindsey Ellison, wrote in HuffPost, “While our culture gets criticized for being too pro-divorce, I’d like to counter that criticism and say we are a culture of over-tolerance. We tolerate bad behavior and bad relationships for far too long.

We are rewarded for “sticking it out” and are scolded by our society if we don’t. I am often amazed to hear what my clients and readers tolerate in a marriage, and how they feel guilty for even having thoughts of ending the relationship.

Perhaps religion, our childhood influencers or the media interfere with our definition of a good marriage versus a bad one. To me, it’s pretty simple. One makes you happy and the other makes you miserable.”

Our conversation addresses living in abusive marriage and the necessity of personal growth in escaping. If those living in abuse (men and women) don’t change how they perceive the quality of their lives and relationships, nothing is likely to change.

Why?

Because we are used to how we’re living…we don’t think deeply about how we’re being treated … it’s fearful to admit we are living in abuse … we wonder if we really are living in abuse, especially when there are no physical bruises.

Anna Seewald, Founder of Authentic Parenting, brings clear insight and provides helpful advice for those of us raising children after experiencing domestic abuse. We discuss the core of her teaching which is, “to be a great parent we need to work on ourselves. By raising our children, we are raising ourselves, too.”

She says “I believe in helping children by helping their parents. I have helped hundreds of parents around the world in the emotional job of parenting.”

Our discussion includes touching on Programmed Patterns, those things WE learned as kids and have passed on to our kids. We can-not change our past reality, or that of our children, but we can learn from our experience and apply the lessons.

To be a great parent it’s important that we uncover those programmed lessons in ourselves…embrace in-side work… so we’re able to help our children heal from their traumas, and make sense of their past experiences.

It’s not our job to make our children’s lives easier. We can’t change our story or theirs. Reality is reality. We can model and help our children gain strength from the past … apply the lessons learned … create a happy, safe and loving life.