Friday, September 23, 2016

All of my fellow Pendragons inspire me. We're a fantasy-based writing club that meets at Panera on Sundays for critiques; but some of us also meet Friday to do additional writing. Today, it was Carmen and me. She was describing how she tried to make everyday people and objects magical. I tried to add that she was able to see magic where others saw dust... and suddenly the poem was born.

This week I crashed. I could tell by the lack of energy. It felt difficult to gather up the willpower and drive. I did what absolutely had to be done. But I felt blue the whole time. I moved slowly, and I lost the ability to multi-task. I began watching movies.

I don't know why this happens.

If I did one thing right this week, it was to begin my revision of Company, my YA paranormal romance/ mystery about a ghost and an imaginary friend. That meant shuffling through my notes and pictures of Big Bear Lake and Lake Arrowhead (my inspiration for the setting), drawing pictures of the house they haunt, and re-writing huge chunks of the opening chapters. I worked from 8:00-5:30, practically non-stop, all Wednesday. At the end of the day, I felt bad about all I'd done. I'd accomplished a lot... but it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing.

I think of this as disguised procrastination. Though I may be too hard on myself.

Today I worked at Valadez Middle School, my only job for the week. And if there is one thing about working a junior high, it does get your energy level up.

Maybe this is part of an upward trend. Maybe my bout of melancholy is passing.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

There was a moment on Wednesday, when I looked at my To-Do list and realized that I was actually ahead of schedule. I'd finished homework in one class, I'd gotten some work done in another, I'd researched agents, I'd kept to my writing schedule, and I'd even gotten some chores done. I was a little bit astounded. I was not running desperately behind schedule.

Had I achieved balance?

The problem was that balance, as I'd defined it, was keeping on top of my To-Do list. Which was great for my sense of accomplishment, but was starting to make me feel extremely tense. On my To-Do List was reading for fun. I attempted it on Thursday, while volunteering for the library. But I couldn't do it. My brain was geared to achieving something; it didn't want to turn off and relax.

Frankly, I didn't like feeling so tense; it didn't feel like me. I knew that soon I'd have to abandon my To-Do List. On Friday, instead of doing my scheduled writing, I started re-reading an old story. On Saturday morning I played around with creating lesson plans for my future English class. This didn't fit my To-Do List mentality, but I was feeling a little better.

For my class on Teaching English Learners in Secondary Schools, we had to visit a website called Flocabulary, which showed quick hip-hop videos that broke down important topics in subjects, for example, writing a thesis, figurative language, or study skills. It's like a modern School House Rock. We had to watch some of these videos and create our own hip-hop poem. Well, my hip-hop is pretty bad, but my poetry is pretty good, so I wrote a little song about the difference between alliteration, assonance, and consonance. It's pretty funny, but if you picture me trying to spit rhymes, it's absolutely hilarious.

In addition to schoolwork, I netted 3 jobs this week, which is crazy this early in September. I'm supposed to research agents for Three Floating Coffins, but so far, I've done zilch on it. I've barely had time to squeeze in a half an hour of writing a day. On the bright side, I have this Saturday free for the first time in ages, so maybe I'll use it to get stuff done.

And now without further ado: My Dorky Hip Hop Rhyme

* * *

"Repeating Sounds"

Just add music!

Repeating sounds create harmony and flow,

Helps you remember little facts you ought to know.

Hail to thee, three kings of repetition:

Assonance and Consonance and Big Alliteration.

You’re gonna know their names, gonna give them what is due.

And if you mix them up, they'll be coming after you.
But should you forget, don’t break down and sob.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Once again, I apologize for the lack of updates. For me to blog once a week requires discipline and some semblance of a schedule, both of which sort of collapsed somewhere amidst July and August. To be fair, I wasn't just sitting around, binge-watching episodes of Community and Murder She Wrote... at least not all the time. I did accomplish the following:

I challenged myself to write 25,000 words (100 pages) in the first three days of July, as part of my Camp Nanowrimo goals. By doing almost nothing but writing from wake to sleep, I did this in 2 days.

I finished up Camp Nanowrimo with 65,000 words.

I read 10 books for Brea Library's Adult Summer Reading Program.

I finished my final draft of Three Floating Coffins, which I then sent to Beta Readers.

But the strange thing is, although while sprinting toward a goal, I feel obsessed, possessed, can't-stop-addicted-like-a-person-watching-Netflicks-without-a-remote, once I achieve it, I feel... well, empty. Sad. As if all my energy has gone through a colander and now there's nothing left.

This feeling was especially prominent after a finished Three Floating Coffins, a 76,000 word novel I started back in 2012. When I finished, at about 11:00 AM on a Saturday, I felt a moment of elation and did a brief happy dance. And then my chest turned to stone and I started to feel more and more miserable.

It was over. My story was no longer my own; I was releasing it into the world for judgement. I had to say goodbye to characters I'd been carrying with me for four years. I had no one to celebrate with. Simple "Congratulations!" didn't seem like enough. All the stuff I'd put off to finish story came rushing back to me. I stood alone in a hot, empty, messy house.

By 4:00 PM that same day, I was weeping.

But I talked with my friend and fellow writer Rita, and the next week, I went to my parent's house for the next week and got distracted baby-sitting my nephew. Then I slowly started looking at the writing, projects, and tasks I'd neglected. College started August 20th, so I had to prepare for that.

I think that writers--or at least, certain writers like me--can easily become obsessed with work and achievement. A little obsession can help meet goals, but goals can make you feel empty, so it's important to re-connect with people and go out and do something you enjoy. In a summer of doing stuff, I also:

Spent the week of 4th of July in Oceanside with my parents, walking the eroding beach, going to farmer markets, and visiting museums and gardens in or around San Diego

Baby-sat my nephew Tyson and went to a small local water park for his birthday.

Rediscovered my love of cooking and card-making.

And so, with a roller coaster of events, achievements, and emotions, it was hard for me to sit down and blog. But as summer gives way to fall, I hope it will be easier to recommit to a schedule once again.

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About Me

Story Gremlins invaded my mind when I was a kid; I fed them too much and now they won't leave. In 2015, I published my first novel, THE CHANGELINGS on Amazon. My short stories have been featured on Daily Science Fiction and Ether. Currently, I live in California and work as a substitute teacher. FOR MORE INFO SEE MY WEBSITE: www.rebeccalangstories.com