The Playlist

June 15th, 2012 Feminista Jones

June 2012 is Guest Blogger Month here at FeministaJones.Com . I solicited a few bloggers, writers, poets, etc to contribute posts lending their perspectives and experiences on feminism, sexuality, relationships, liberation, sex, and everything this blog is about. I hope you enjoy their contributions as much as I have.

I’m about to say something that might shock some of you…No..I’m not going to say anything crazy. This is for my ladies, though (it is not a sexist post or anything like that) Ready?

It is okay to be sexy for your partner *watches grounds shake and folks clutching their pearls*

Showing your sensuality and being sexy is a state of mind. Men LOVE it. It shouldn’t be limited to his birthday or a special occasion like Christmas. This is something that should be done regularly and all you have to do is change is up from time to time. There are many ways in which you can show your sensuality, one of which is through music. Music, as they say, is a universal language that can change your mood at any time. So for the purpose of this post, I want to delve into how intimacy with music can be achieved.

Setting the tone for the evening, you would want to play something that not only relaxes him, but makes your intention of the evening clear: I am going to please you. That is it. There is so much music out there that not only has a dope sexually charged beat, but the lyrics adequately convey what you are trying to say. Take an artist like Jill Scott for example. Not only does that woman ooze sensuality through her pores, but she is good at putting it into words. Her song “Crown Royal” from her third album The Real Thing, is a prime example. “Your hands on my hips pull me right back to you, I catch that thrust give it right back to you. You’re in so deep, I’m breathing for you. Grab my braids, arch my back high for you.” Intentions are clear. Appreciation of the man giving her the ultimate orgasm is noted. It is about showing him just how much you love making love to him. Being his personal concubine, if you will. And just as Jill can convey it in her music, you can use it to express as well. You want to choose songs that talk sex and love making in the most sensual way possible. Yes…it is okay sometimes to just come out and say “Fuck.Me.” There are also times when it is okay to say “How can I please you, today?” Whatever mood you are trying to set, make sure you pick the song that can make that known. You don’t want him to have to guess what you are thinking or just think you are playing something nice for him. Nawl… You are trying to get it in and set it out for your man. Play something that reflects that.

Now, I know some of you are probably giving me the side eye and what not. Why she gotta be talmbout catering to him? Why can’t he cater to me? Why I gotta yada yada yada? Well…let me flip it for you so I can make it clear. Yes, I am talking about catering to your man. However, may I suggest that this doesn’t just apply to him. There is pleasure in giving pleasure. How many of you know there is power in submission? It takes control to give control. Do you know how turned on you will be to watch your man fall weak to his knees because of a kiss you gave him? Or how willing he is to do any and everything you ask because of that little move you did? That is the authority that you will have over how the night goes. You will determine how well he responds to you and just how good that memory will be. YOU are creating this space and allowing him to enter it. Make it count.

So tonight, when you go home, I want you to do something: Send those children to a friend’s house. Light some candles. Find that thing he loves to see you in whether it is the t-shirt with the hole in it, his favorite football jersey, or that see-through piece you picked up from Pleasure Palace. Cook him his favorite dish that will satisfy his food appetite, then make yourself his dessert to cure his carnal needs. But before you do all of that, make him a playlist. Put it on his ipod and maybe even a CD. When he listens to it in his car or at work, he’ll remember the night you gave this to him and everything you made him feel *sly grin*. He’ll remember what you looked like when you voluntarily bent over the desk in his study or pleasured him under the table while eating his dinner. He’ll remember the show you gave him with “those” heels on and how your hair looked. That playlist might even be something he’ll use one day on you as a thank you. You never know. Either way, whatever mood you set with those records, he’ll never forget it.

Keya Maeesha is an NYC based (but DMV raised) freelance writer that loves music down to her very pores. With a focus mainly on show and album reviews, you can find her contributing regularly on This Is Real Music or The Couch Sessions You can probably also see her at the front row of any concert or in the kitchen cooking up some kind of Jamaican dish. Follow her on Twitter at @KeyaMaeesha.