Mark Foley goes into rehab, awarded Medal of Freedom

(Washington D.C.) Ucs News, unconfirmed Sources report the former Republican accused of sending pornographic emails to underage boys has been awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. President George W. Bush met Mark Foley in the lobby of the Betty Ford Center in Tallahassee, Florida. The President thanked Foley for knocking the Iraq failure off the front page.

Speaking to a gathering of GOP loyalists, the President thanked Foley for his perversion and great sense of timing. “I want to say thanks Mark, you have really helped the party get over this Iraq war thing.” The Republican party has been looking for a way to take control of the news for a few cycles.

White House insiders speaking off the record are pleased with the events of the week. Administration officials believe the American people can easily relate to criminal offense of a drunken pervert. “People are tired of the war, the Mark Foley sex scandal is a welcome relief from the day to day corruption stories and intelligence failures.”

Before leaving Florida, the President consoled the shamed Foley. The President told the Republican pervert, “I was an alcoholic for years, look how it tuned out for me.” Of course the President avoided the complication of messing with young men and the whole gay thing.

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.