It's all the things, half the time, rather than half the things all the time

What happens if…?

I’m turning 45 this month. I’m never particularly happy around my birthday, I think it reminds me of all the things I didn’t get done over the past year, and how the balance of years past and years to come is tilting more and more away from years to come.

So with that, and a news report of a celebrity, (who I can’t even remember) who was born a few months before me, dying… I have thought about my own mortality. When better than just after Halloween to think about kicking the bucket, and how I’d likely go.

I’ve never been a single parent before, I’ve always had someone who will be coming home, or was already home, and would be there for the kids if anything was to happen to me. I consider it occasionally when I’m running on the stairs at my office, and the kids are in the car. What happens if I fall and break my neck? What do they do?

What happens, if I kicked off at the house and they had to find me crumpled on the floor of the kitchen? I mean, your heart doesn’t let you choose a convenient moment to drop dead, it pretty much just goes when it goes. Not that I think my heart is going to go anytime soon, but then, really, none of us ever do.

It also seems pretty morbid to plan for things like, what if Dad drops dead. That just puts thoughts in everyone’s head. At the same time, we prepare kids for all kinds of potential disasters, so they know what to do. If the house catches on fire, run outside, climb out your window, LEAVE YOUR TOYS. It seems unfortunate that there’s no, “what if’s” for Dad kicking off. Or Mom for that matter, I guess I shouldn’t exclude her from the “you could die anytime” list. 🙂

I know they kids will figure something out, calling Mom would be the first thing on their list, but as a single parent, is this something I should consider planning for?