I had the privilege being in the same Sunday School class as him for about a year. Though technically his son and daughter-in-law were our teachers, Dr. Greathouse put his two cents in pretty often. A few of his comments have stuck with me: He once said that the church had become too user-friendly, so much so that the church was beginning to look just like the world. Another time we were talking about Romans 8:28 (“And all things work together for the good of those who love Him.”). Dr. Greathouse wisely said, “Most people misinterpret ‘the good’ to be their idea of good, or what they want to happen to them. God’s idea of what’s good for us may not be our idea of what’s good for us.”

Strangely enough, both of those comments were just fuel on the fire that eventually let me to the Orthodox Church. I had become frustrated with feeling like church was a “show” that included a forced emotionalism. My faith and really, theology, if you will, was being shaped and challenged, mostly from dealing with the unexpected death of my brother. We had so many people tell us that it was “God’s will” for my brother to die, for one reason or another. (“He would have ended up in jail.” “He would have been a drug addict.” Yep, we heard those things.) I felt like all the Christians I knew had to explain God down to a T. (Including those referred to in Dr. Greathouse’s comment about humans trying to name their own will as God’s.) Yet a voice inside me asked, “If we can completely explain God and everything about Him, doesn’t he cease to be God?”

Eventually these struggles and questions led me to Orthodoxy. Even saying that, though, fills me with unrest. There’s still a lingering guilt about leaving the church of my childhood, the church that my parents served, the church that gave me faith and hope and inspiration and imagination. I didn’t walk away from one individual church; I walked away from a huge international family, and from the heritage my own family gave me. There was a deep sadness that grew in me when I read about Dr. Greathouse’s death, as if I’d let him down.

The truth is, the face of the Nazarene Church has changed a lot in the past 10 years. Most churches are becoming more user-friendly rather than less. Walking into a church now means walking into a coffee-house-style foyer with big screens and big lattes. Missionaries are not being sent out. International churches are now required to give more money to the general church, which many of those churches can’t afford to do. Though the denomination has a strong history, its future seems uncertain.

At any rate, I don’t regret becoming Orthodox, but I truly am still becoming Orthodox. A friend of mine who’s been Orthodox for many years recently told me it took her almost 15 years to really “get it.” The beauty of Orthodoxy is that you can always go deeper, learn more, experience a new level of understanding. Sometimes I wonder if I am still standing at the edge of the pool, testing the waters with my toes. At most, I am in the shallows, enjoying the cool water, but yet to know the sensation of swimming into the depths.

In the end, both churches have formed me and helped shape my theology. I turn to a saint, the son of my own patron saint, St. Nonna, to memorialize a great Nazarene man and to acknowledge the mystery of God:

“O man of God and faithful servant and steward of the mysteries of God and man of desires of the Spirit: for thus Scripture speaks of men advanced and lofty, superior to visible things. I will call you also to God . .”

5 comments

I certainly understand that guilt of leaving friends and family, including the great folks that have influenced our beliefs like Dr. Greathouse. It is extremely painful for the soul at times. I continue to return to St. Peter’s words, “Lord, to whom shall we go, you have the words of eternal life?” Yet I think you have unlocked the mystery within your own post. God works all things together for the good of those who love him. The greatest good for any human on this earth is an encounter with the food of immortality, the Eucharist. Dr. Greathouse, among all of our Nazarene ancestors, cooperated with the Divine will so that we could be brought to life in Christ through His Mysteries.

I appreciate your words and your thoughts on your own journey. I hate that those days after Will’s death were met with such struggle. As your friend I cherish your strenght and sensitivity to seeking the puriest form of faith in God and a life that reflects that. There is sadness to know that there are some issues in the COTN right now but my prayer is that the teachings and lives of men/women like Dr. G will remain and God will prevail in leading us in knowing how to minister in a world that has changed wihtout lossing our own identify as children of the most high God.

Susan, I share your hope and prayer that the COTN has a good future in store. You are one of the individuals that will be a part of steering the church in the right direction! I am so proud of you and your work toward ordination!