Monday, November 29, 2010

Whew, the Lord knows I live for a fabulous vacation-especially when there is warm weather and good food involved. And while Buenos Aires was every bit of the once-in-a-lifetime blast I imagined, it feels really, really good to be back in the States.

But wait on it... in the spirit of for the holiday season, over the month of December I'll be giving away some of my favorite goodies.

Now don't. get. crazy. I ain't Oprah.

But you know, it's a lil something to say thanks for keeping up with my special brand of tomfoolery over the past year.

Anyhoo, enough of the sentimental, I love you guys crap. The first giveaway is from my latest beauty find: Karen's Body Beautiful.

The luxurious Brooklyn based spa offers manicures, pedicures, facials, waxings and a wide array of specially tailored packages for couples, newlyweds, mothers-to-be and bridal parties. But most importantly, sells a line of hair products that are to seriously, to DIE for.

Made with all natural products, my favorites- the shampoo and conditioner- are a godsend for chicks rocking natural 'dos and probably even better for those who have chosen the way of the lye.

Simply put, it's the business.

But don't take my word for it.

Instead, enter for a chance to win their signature, Keep It Soft Survival Kit. which includes the Ultimate Conditioning Shampoo, Complete Hair Conditioner, the Butter Love creme and the Sweet Ambrosia leave-in conditioner.

Good luck!

Here's what you've got to do:

MANDATORY

• Leave Me A Comment telling me the best thing you've done for yourself in 2010.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Can someone PUH-lease explain to me why 16 year-old Willow Palin is on Facebook calling people that criticize her sister's atrocious dancing skills "faggots" and "so gay?" Homophobic slurs from someone who has been raised in a home with supposed "strict Christian morals and values?"

Basic Home Training FAIL.

But wait on it... then Bristol, the baby mama with two left feet and lopsided body, co-signs on the crazy with her own 2 cents, "you’re running your mouth just to talk shit.”

I mean, what is it with the Palin crew? Or they purposely creating an image of ignorance and ass-backwards-ness? Or is it that the stupid doesn't fall too far from the tree? Don't either of these girls have something better to do like I don't know... go get knocked up by a guy with a G.E.D or perhaps look at Alaska from their front porch.

Standby for Trigg & Trip to pop and start beating down kids at the daycare in the name of defending their family honor in t-minus 5, 4, 3, 2, ...

For a million and one reasons, I'm so excited and grateful to see thirty-five. It has been such an incredible journey filled with love, laughter, drama, confusion and most importantly, non-stop tomfoolery! And I appreciate every single person that's contributed to my personal and professional growth along the way. I couldn't have done it without you.

So while I continue to celebrate my personal New Year's Day by grinning from ear-to-ear, spontaneously throwing my hands in the air and dropping it like it's hot, feel free to join the party and twerk a little something for the kid.

Monday, November 15, 2010

We hear so many horror stories about sexting gone wrong and exes posting nude pics of women AND men on the internet that it's impossible not to become jaded by low folks can go. But happily, here's a small victory for the victims...

A 20 year-old man in New Zealand plead guilty to distributing indecent material for posting a naked picture of his ex-girlfriend on Facebook without her consent and was actually sentenced to JAIL time.

Granted, it was only 4 months but still....

In what he's calling an "act of revenge" but I consider straight bitchassness, Joshua Simon Ashby posted a photo of a woman he'd been dating on and off (NOT EVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND), which featured her naked in front of a mirror on homegirl's own Facebook page. READ: So she'd be humilated in front of ALL of her friends and family.

As if that isn't mortifying enough, Ashby altered the security settings to make it available for viewing to everyone on FB, then altered her password so she could not remove it.

Mind you, this happened AFTER previous incidents where he'd already stolen two of her dresses and destroyed them, knocked her down and broke her cellphone and threatened to kill her via text messages.

DEAD SILENCE

I sincerely hope this chick is sues the 'ish outta him in civil court and leaves his abusive, bullying behind naked and broke.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Can we please talk about the graphic images that FDA will be requiring cigarette companies to put on all their packs and cartons as of June 22, 2011?

*GAG*

O-M-G! Have we really gone from the days of a cool ass Joe Camel cartoon to a dying cancer patient... I can't. What in the hell has this world come through???

I mean certainly, this campaign to discourage teens from smoking will deter anyone with a remotely queasy stomach. But my God. And to be perfectly honest, looking at that picture of the crying baby makes me wanna schedule a hysterectomy, not stop smoking.

But all jokes aside, there are a lot of ways to skin a cat. And we all know, honey catches more bees than vinegar. So instead of making the kids (and every damn body that has to see it) sick to their stomach, why doesn't the FDA take this moment to do something positive. You know, like regulate the amount of hormones that are fed to the poultry and cows.

I'm willing to bet all my birthday money that we'd have less underage kids puffing on cigarettes if the crazy growth 'roids didn't have them thinking (and looking like) they are so freaking grown.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

How in the 'twisted-unethical-hell' are they selling a book entitled, 'The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure'???? And wait on it, the freaking product description boldly states:

"This is my attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certain rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter sentences should they ever be caught."

First, there's the Manhattan judge that co-signed on a plea bargain that will give Tony Simmons, a juvenile court counselor who raped a 15-year-old and sexually assaulted a 15-year-old and a 16-year-old 10 years' probation and NO prison time. Mind you, all three of the girls were his clients at the time of the rapes.

I mean seriously? How can the Manhattan DA that originally crafted the plea bargain or this wack FEMALE judge sleep at night knowing they've allowed a serial rapist to simply go free. Cause the last time I checked, probation ain't never stopped nobody from committing a crime. Just ask the doctor in CT who's family was burned and burned to death.

And as for the trashy chick in OK, what makes the story even more horrifying is that her family tried to get her parental rights revoked when she was 4 months pregnant because they KNEW she was an addict and endangering the child's life. But no. The courts denied their request.

I thought the purpose of the judicial system was to protect the innocent and serve justice. Apparently, not so much.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

So, it seems city leaders in San Francisco have voted to ban McDonalds Happy Meals because wait on it... they're not truly healthy.

DEAD FISH EYES

Yo, can someone please tell what exactly IS healthy in McDonalds??? (And puh-lease don't EVEN say the Apple Dippers because once you dip the fruit slices in the freaking caramel sauce it's officially candy)

*crickets*

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I swear, people K-I-L-L me. If you're really that damn concerned about kids leading healthier lives why not put some of that time, energy and MOOLAH into making sure all children have access to GYM CLASSES, AFTERSCHOOL SPORTS PROGRAMS and CLEAN PUBLIC PARKS???

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Uuugh, I'm going for my annual check-up this morning. I guess I should say biannual cause as juvenile as it sounds, I really only go to see a regular physician when I have a cold that just won't go away.

Case in point: this nagging sore throat that's been killing me and my right ear for the last 3 weeks.

Sigh.

But as bad as I feel, don't think anyone in America feels worse than Meg Whitman. $140 million dollars of your own personal funds is a lot of money to blow just to get outted for employing an illegal immigrant as your maid (so cliche), being a heartless corporate bee-yatch and ultimately lose your campaign.

Damn ma.

You just know that her family is looking at her like she has about three heads right now. Oh wells... Good luck with that.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

In some serious WTF??? news... Charlie Sheen has filed for divorce from his 3rd estranged wife, Brooke Mueller.

PAUSE.

Um, how in the ass backwards hell is Charlie Sheen filing papers on anyone??

I mean, isn't he the same dude that just got released from the hospital for the coke-fueled freakout on a porn star/ prostitute in hotel while his ex-wife and kids were down the hall? And yet HE wants a divorce?

One would think having an opportunity to go to the World Series (even if they got their ass SPANKED by San Francisco) would've made the miserable Southerns happy but NO. Instead of celebrating the minor miracle, the freaking OWNER of the team, Chuck Greenburg is talking ish about Yankee FANS.

And I quote, "I thought Yankee fans, frankly, were awful. They were either violent or apathetic, neither of which is good. So I thought Yankee fans were by far the worst of any I’ve seen in the postseason. I thought they were an embarrassment."

Really dude? Yankee fans are the worst? Have ya seen the Red Sox fans???

*rolls eyes*

Man listen... MAYBE if you were just a little more focused on WINNING the World Series rather than bashing a the die-hard fans of your *cough* 27-time championship *cough* competitors, then you might have something more substantial to offer Cliff Lee at the negotiation table in t-minus four days.

Monday, November 1, 2010

It's amazing how fast time flies! Not only is it already the first of November- let the official birthday countdown begin- but it's already time for midterm elections. READ: Obama is already halfway through his presidency. WHEW!!

Now, I know that I don't have to remind/ encourage any of you guys to go out and vote tomorrow. But in case you needed a specific reason to stay involved in politics and be mindful of how your tax dollars are being WASTED, here ya go:

No seriously. King's County Supreme Court Justice Paul Wooten ruled that a first grader can be sued.

I. Will. Not.

While I can certainly understand that the family of the victim, 87- year old Claire Menagh are probably sad and still grieving (apparently Claire's fall required surgery for a fractured hip and she subsequently died three months later), but COME ON.

The lady was 86 years-old. She lived a long and hopefully happy life. Accidents with kids happen all the time. Are you REALLY so litigious that you're going to waste taxpayers dollars on suing a little girl who wasn't even in kindergarten at the time?? And this fool as judge is going to give you a forum for this nonsense?