Ruling the World

It's high time to fess up and tell the world the truth: We Jews do run the world!

When I first heard about Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir's comments at the Organization of the Islamic Conference, an uneasy chill ran down my spine. He called for Muslims "to unite against Jews towards a final victory," saying "the Jews rule the world by proxy… They have now gained control of the most powerful countries and they, this tiny community, have become a world power. 1.3 billion Muslims cannot be defeated by a few million Jews."

The media reported that "his words were greeted with a standing ovation from the kings, presidents, sheiks and emirs -- including key U.S. allies -- gathered at Malaysia's sparkling new capital, Putrajaya."

In editorials across the Arab world the Prime Minister's comments were either praised as accurate or explained as intended to be anti-Israel, not anti Jewish. French President Jacques Chirac blocked the EU from ending its summit with a harshly worded statement condemning Mahathir's speech.

Although this rapid-fire news initially horrified me, I now realize that the time be horrified is over. It is high time to fess up and tell the world the truth: We Jews do run the world. And we've been running things for a very long time, manipulating world events for our own needs.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone... so he could call his mother.

It's time to reveal the truth that many famous people throughout history were actually Jewish -- part of the plot to perpetuate the myth and keep us in charge. Martin Luther - yep, a Jew! But that one was pretty obvious. After all, he is famous for quitting his church to form a new one, a regular practice in synagogues around the world today.

Napoleon was a Jew -- no wonder he wanted to reconvene the Sanhedrin. Napoleon had this nervous habit of playing with the Chai around his neck all the time. But he would do it by putting his hand in shirt.

Alexander Graham Bell, another closet Jew, invented the telephone... so that he could call his mother.

The Untold Story

Now that Mahathir has brought things out in the open, let's be totally honest and start telling the world everything.

The media? Yep, Jewish controlled. We have this guy Lenny (a Levite) who lives in Cleveland with his wife and two kids. All the news media in the world report to Lenny. As a news director, he is the best we've had for centuries. It was Lenny who thought up the idea that most news media should slant their coverage against Israel. He figured that if reporters give the impression that Jewish blood is cheap, no one would figure out that we were actually running things. Last year Lenny won a UJA (Underground Jewish Action) award for coming up with the idea that media should not use the word "terrorist" when a Jew was killed.

Lenny inherited the media-control job from his father, who in 1942 was able to convince The New York Times and other western newspapers to bury coverage of the Holocaust on page 27.

The banks? No one believes that silly thing about Jewish bankers in New York controlling all the money. Sure, they're all Jewish, but they come from the Netherlands, not New York.

Harvey Cohn is the guy funneling tens of millions of dollars to Arafat's PA.

We run the world's monetary system from the EU central office. Our man there is named Harvey Cohn. Harvey runs a tight ship. He's the guy who keeps funneling tens of millions of dollars to Arafat's PA.

Harvey is also the person who came up with using Gretta Duisenberg as a decoy. Gretta is the wife of the non-Jewish figurehead of European bank, the folks who control the Euro dollar. Harvey's brilliant idea was setting up Mrs. Duisenberg as an anti-Semite. He directed her famous appearance on a radio show in support of Stop the Occupation. This is an organization that calls for the imposition of economic sanctions on Israel. When the Dutch radio interviewer asked Mrs. Duisenberg how many signatures she hoped to collect on a petition of support for the group, she replied, "Six million," chuckling heartily at her own joke.

I spoke to Harvey today; he agrees that it's time to let the cat out of the bag. But there is one thing he would like to do first. You see, much of the world's "anti-Semitism" is part of the plot to perpetuate the myth that we do not run the world. The French government isn't involved at all. They really do hate the Jews. Harvey says that before the word gets out, he wants to use his vast financial powers to cancel every credit card owned by a member of the French government.

The Downside

One thing that may surprise people is that George Bush is actually Jewish. He converted five years ago. (It's the only way we would let him run for president.) I was honored by being invited to his bris. My wife made a cheesecake.

Oh, and that war against Iraq? Well, Pat Buchanan was right -- our idea. But it had nothing to do with Israel, and everything to with chick peas. You see, one thing that we don't control is the falafel market, and that is going to change very, very soon.

Coming out with the truth may lift a terrible burden: No more hiding, no more plotting.

And by the way, the Saudis were right, Barbie dolls are just a Jewish plot to destroy the minds of Muslim children.

Protocols of the Elders of Zion? Can you believe that some people still think that's a forgery?!

Coming out with the truth may lift a terrible burden from our shoulders. No more hiding, no more plotting. Just going about the business of ruling the world.

There is, however, a downside. What if people don't believe us? What if people were to hate us so much that they start to think we have little control over world events? What if they were to think that the Jews are an ancient people who survived only through love of God and His Torah? What if people were to look at us, not as world dominators, but as the teachers of how to love God and each other?

Featured at Aish.com:

About the Author

Jeff Dunetz is a 20-year marketing veteran, and a freelance writer. He is
married and the father of two kids who ask lots of questions about being
Jewish that he can't answer. Jeff has been active in Jewish organizations
since his USY days. Presently he is a Member of the Board of Trustees of the
Dix Hills Jewish Center.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 67

(67)
Thom Rigger,
September 11, 2011 7:05 PM

Okay, so maybe its true, But think about this. . .

I am not Jewish. I was raised a Catholic. Although I have jewish blood in my veins, My family, on my mothers side, long ago (1800's) married a jew. Both of the family's did not like it at all, but they did except it. (Family name Freidheim. My spelling may be incorrect)
Ok, here we go. . . So the jews run the world. Just how does that effect me? I like the world we have and the freedoms that come with it. Lets get over this hate of each other and just live together and let each group of people do thier own thing. (Sounds far fetched doesn't it)
Can you see the world run by any other group of people. I personally do not think that the Whites, the Blacks, the Orientals or any other group, be it a race or a religious organization could do any better than the Jews.
Know matter who it is running the world Banks, the News media, Hollywood, ect. ect. they are all going to do the same thing the Jews are doing. Watchout for their own kind.
I personally think that some groups would not be as fair as the Jews have, in the way they would run the world.
If you look at how the world has treated the Jews over time, can you blame them for protecting themselves from the hate and anger that is put apon them?
Sorry if I am rambling, I get worked up when ever there is talk of this kind. If the white, non-jewish people ran the world, would we be better off? I geuss we can ask the Maya, or the Hawaiians or any indigenuious people that they came in contact with. . .Oh yea, they pretty much wiped each them off the face of the earth. Opps, sorry that was the Catholic church that did that wasn't it.
Thom M. Rigger
Proud Human Being
Protector of Peoples Freedom
Bad Speller

(66)
Cyril,
April 10, 2011 5:06 PM

Peaceout brother and sisters !!

For the nation or kingdom that will not serve you will perish;
it will be utterly ruined. Isaiah 60 : 12
may Peace be with our nation Israel and prosperity with her walls ................

(65)
Anonymous,
February 16, 2008 3:48 PM

I like to think that we all have somejews in our family somewhere. Mattel is an old jewish name.

(64)
Shelly Beniot,
March 23, 2006 12:00 AM

very appropriate

Oh boy...with all of the stuff in the news today about the "Jewish Lobby" this is so timely and very funny

(63)
jenni,
November 11, 2005 12:00 AM

LOL too damn funny.

im at work, and laffing like an idiot... yep people are staring at da jew with the cornor office now...

(62)
Les Aaron,
September 25, 2005 12:00 AM

I love it!

Clearly, you have the New York sensibility. This is very funny and the kind of stuff that I like to do.
So I appreciate it even more.

Keep up the good work.

I now live in a place where you can't find the Jewish sensibility and that is disappointing; neither can you find a real 'bagel." I don't know what I would do if the word bialy came up.

Keep up the good work.

I'm originally from Manhattan, grew up in Queens, lived in Brooklyn and traveled the world presently living in Southern Delaware--only three and a half hours to a good corned beef sandwich.

Les

(61)
Bryna,
March 15, 2004 12:00 AM

We really DO run the world

very funny article, I love it.
the Truth though? what each Jew does effects the world profoundly. it's said that if Jews were to be (G-d forbid) destroyed, the whole of Creation would cease to be. it's time to wake up to who we really are-to how important we are. time to shape up and set the world in order.

(60)
Anonymous,
February 20, 2004 12:00 AM

Keep the title!! If you don't get it, who cares?

I loved this article, it's what I've been saying for a long time, and as a non-Jew, I can gratefully say that we'd be in deep trouble without the Jewish people. Especially the Israelis! Yes, the Jews do rule the world and thank God they do! Imagine how it would be otherwise!! The Jews CIVILIZED this world, they brought morality and a CONSCIENCE into this world where there was none before. The Jews INVENTED democracy and not to mention all the other wonderful things they have given to the world, great art and literature and music, medicine, technology, humor, and most importantly perhaps, the prophecies. I know it's selfish but I for one would be sad to see the Jews all go back home to Israel because I would hate to think of our Gentile life without them close-by but I realize too that this must be done eventually. But then I just remind myself that mankind would really get things rolling then....

(59)
fellowjew,
November 15, 2003 12:00 AM

Disagree

Saying that the entire world is out to get us simply perpetuates the image of the victimized scapegoat that we have held onto for so long. Maybe that is what makes others hate us? Instead of going on and on about how they are all out to get us we should be working hard to prevent injustice in any form, anywhere in the world. Just because we are Jewish, and HAVE in truth been persecuted in our histroy does not mean it is ok for us to spend the next 50 years crying about it. If we do, we simply make ourselves the victims and do nothing to change our world.

(58)
Jaimie,
November 14, 2003 12:00 AM

Just you wait.

This will be quoted in Arab Newspapers all over the world -- totally out of context. It's funny, but I suggest it be taken down. You left out the part about The Jewish WTC conspiracy. Osama bin Laden is Jewish ... he had his bar Mitzvah with Bush after his brit.

(57)
David Wilson,
November 13, 2003 12:00 AM

Please send $1 million to following bank account

Yes, I agree, we do run the world. As such I am wondering who in the world bank I can contact to organise $1 million for me? Somehow, I have not been able to use our power and position to secure oil, gold or diamond contracts.
Dr. Mahahtir knows best, heaven help us all. But then, I guess heaven does, sometimes.

(56)
Anonymous,
November 10, 2003 12:00 AM

BWAHAHAHAHA! THE TRUTH REVEALED!

FINALLY! I can FINALLY get on with running the world without having to be secret about it anymore. What a relief............

(55)
Anonymous,
November 5, 2003 12:00 AM

Be careful

Your article made good points and it was humorous. However I honestly think you should be careful when wording your title, lest you be quoted out of context!

(54)
B.R.Horn,
November 3, 2003 12:00 AM

Hi: I understand completely your Sarcastic discussion of us Jews ruling the
world. However, don't kid yourself, there are entirely too many people who
think just that way. I too have often been tempted to make the same kind of
jokes (sick jokes that is). However, although the nut in Malaysia is just
that. he does have millions of people who are convinced he is right. Somehow
even though money and the making of it has ofttimes been advertised as a
Jewish goal, and not so much a Christian goal, we are a tiny people who have
weathered these accusations for centuries. Even though this article was a
Poke
Fun article, it isn't a funny for the Moslems who unfortunately believe it
to
be true. I happened to be listening to C-Span this past week when an Indian
Jew remarked the safest places to build Synagogues in India was in the
Muslim
neighborhoods. That was a bright spot of sunlight in this black abyss. There
have been times in our history when our living with the Muslem populace was
a
safe experience. The Spainish experience has ofttimes been characterized as
the "Golden era of Judaism." No, it wasn't perfect, but it does show that
Jews
and Muslims can live together peacefully. Lets hope we can regenerate this
same spirit in Israel and Palestinians even though it seems impossible at
this
time. Yet, we still must try.

(53)
Barry Ellegant,
November 1, 2003 12:00 AM

Verry well written article but Mr. Dunets has the wrong punch line.

I feel that Prime Minister Mahathir's comments, in light of their irrational nature, could only be met with sarcasm... Ironically sometimes the tragic has to be met with humor. Mr. Dunets did a superb job.

However, Mr. Dunets still misses an infinitely important point! We as a people have not survived history because of our love for G-d and Torah. In fact, we lack the humility to admit that we have proven to be poor emissaries of HaShem. Even the Amida attests to the evidence, that we have not survived history because of our righteousness but becuase of HaShems faithfulness to the covenant He made with our father Abraham.

Any TRUE student of Torah will note that the world hates us because we as a people have been disobedient to Torah and HaShem (Deuteronomy 28).

What is going on in our world today ought to be a wake up call to us as a people to practice true t'shuva and stop offering lip-service, once a year "religiocity" to a G-d who knows our hearts, minds, and very inner thoughts.

(52)
Regular Guy,
October 31, 2003 12:00 AM

Not my favourite article

Aren't we supposed to be spreading love?

(51)
Neil Douglas,
October 31, 2003 12:00 AM

God has a sense of humour!

Thanks. I am a Canadian and we tend to deal with moronic beliefs with the kind of humour Jeff has displayed here. For the people in this world who are so foolish to believe such drivel as "The Protocols... " this is the only kind of response of which they are worthy. Not that they will get it anyway. They really don't want to get it! So why waste rational argument on them? Humour is a great gift of God!

(50)
Dafna,
October 31, 2003 12:00 AM

fabulous article! hysterical!

This is great. Finally, the truth is out!

(49)
John Ross,
October 31, 2003 12:00 AM

There's Truth in Jest.

A fun and fascinating tongue-in-cheek commentary on perhaps the phenomenon of world Jewery over nearly the last six thousand years. But, like most of the Jewish literary tradition in general, there are midrashic moments, the hint of parables and of course old fashioned hyperbole in this article...thus Mr. Dunetz makes several points, I think, simultaneously through his effective agent of analogy mixed with humor.

In the end this article seems in spite of itself to make clear that G-d did intend and does influence and control the world through the Jews; and most likely since the time of our father Abraham. This calling is his will and intention. This is how his mercy, justice and Torah values enter into his fallen creation. This is a good and holy thing. An awesome and mind-boggling calling, and we're the nation to do it...[Blessed be the name of HaShem] we are the servants of the L-rd! This is at the very heart of the term "chosen" itself. We are chosen for divine instrumentation, economic influence, social justice and ethics etc. Let's bless G-d and accept it...in humility of course.

The very nature of antisemitism in all of this exists in the ATTITUDE and INTENTION and not in the OBSERVATION of this phenomenon of Jewish influence in and on the world. Sometimes I am surprised at how Jews themselves shy away from ever even admitting that we have any influence whatsoever in any way, shape or form, for fear that they are giving into anti-semitic sentiment or may be deemed as self-loathing if such comments are vocalized. Nonsense! Everything is by intention, not observation. The meaning is in the individual not the statement or the words. In fact one can make favorable comments about the Jews in public or private conversation and have them subtextually be embued with anti-semitism and hatred in their energy and inflection. The very words and statements themselves may be safe, politically correct and in the end quite flattering...but the intention is resentful and slanderous. Both in the Tehillim and in the Kethubim (Proverbs) of Ha melech Sholomo there is attestation to this phenomnon in several chapters..."they flatter me with their words and praises, but their hearts are far from me."

Shalom Yisroel...and may we stand up to our divine calling with dignity and vigilent humilty.

(48)
Simone Shapiro,
October 30, 2003 12:00 AM

It was a mistake to "print" this piece.

Do you know that in some Arabian countries they show films "proving" that we use blood for matzah and that their is a world wide Jewish conspiracy. Unfortunately, our enemies can, and probably will, quote your piece out of context to "prove" that we Jews are admitting that we control the world. We should not be giving them more fuel for the fire. We know it's tongue in cheek but the next fedahin who reads about it will not.

(47)
George Miller,
October 30, 2003 12:00 AM

Amazing Article...

This is ingenious. Mazel Tov L'Jeff V'Mispacha, Berachot. George

(46)
Anonymous,
October 30, 2003 12:00 AM

the best deception is the truth

Very cute article. But what everyone seems to be missing is very simple. This was a wake-up call from Heaven for people to realize that yes the world was created for Klal Yisroel and sadly the shaliach that has to inform the unlearned amongst our nation has to be a silly goy. If you were to take three steps back... it obviously doesnt make sense that someone should be singling out the Jews, we are minute minority in the world. It's obvious..."in your face obvious" that we are the chosen people and the whole world revolves around our actions and relationship with G-d. But this should get people thinking about their priorities in life. What goes on in the world is just scenery to set the stages for our lives. Of course...you can go ahead and become a pundit and comment on his remarks, but dont lose sight of the real message that they were meant to deliver!!!

(45)
Claire Lee,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Funny, but...

Funny article, but would you believe sarcasm such as this has been quoted on White Supremacist web sites? Whether it's because they are evil, or morons, I don't know, but I have seen material such as this quoted in all seriousness.

(44)
Joclyn Stern,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Always tell the truth!

I taught my children, "always tell the truth, no one will believe you".

(43)
B,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

But we actually DO run the world!!

the article is funny but the truth is that I really believe that us jews actually do run the world. WE are awesome! The smartest people are Jewish, the greatest gifts that were given to mankind were given by Jews, and you know what else? The world only stands because of the Jewish people. The world should be thanking us, its because of us that they even exist....

(42)
Leslie Gordon,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Very enter entertaining.

I have read many articles from Aish over the years. This was not only entertaining, but sad that people think this, but I know they do. Well written with a humorous slant. They say you can't make through life without a sense of humor.

(41)
Anonymous,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Great article...I wonder if we can send a copy to the Malyasian PM?!

(40)
Stephanie Broad,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Finally the cat's out of the bag! Great article!

The article by Jeffrey Dunetz of how we Jews actually DO run the world is fantastic! It's time we all fess up and tell the world that they've finally caught on to us. Thank goodness! It's been so hard keeping this a secret! Thank you, Mr. Dunetz for the smiles and intriguing thoughts. This notion is so ironic and ridiculous it's completely laughable. Looking forward to reading more of your articles. By the way, can I please get my fair share of the power and wealth now?

(39)
MICHAEL SHAIN,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

RULING THE WORLD

I AM SOMEWHAT UNEASY WHEN SARCASM IS USED IN THIS MANNER. I DON'T MIND IT ON A ONE TO ONE BASIS, IN FACT, I THINK IT IS RATHER EFFECTIVE ON A ONE TO ONE BASIS. IT CAN SHOW THE IDIOCY OF ANOTHERS ARGUMENTS WITHOUT A DIRECT CONFRONTATION.
HOWEVER, WHEN ONE DOES NOT TO WHOM HE IS TALKING THE SARCAM CAN BE LOST AND,IN THIS CASE, THE BIGOT MAY NEVER GET TO THE FINAL PUNCHLINES. RATHER HE CAN BE LEFT WITH INCORRECT FODDER FOR HIS TWISTED BELIEFS. WE MUST BE VERY CAREFUL, THE INTERNET IS A POWERFUL BUT SOMEWHAT IMPERSONAL TOOL. BE WELL.

(38)
Anonymous,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

A Jewish "Conspiracy"? Hmmm...

I do not think there is a Jewish Conspiracy. Here's why:

You must admit that we Jews are pretty smart people. Were we truly to get together (almost impossible by definition anyway!) and mount a conspiracy, it would work to such devastating effect that there would not be an anti-Semite (or troublesome "shaygetz") left alive anywhere in the known universe.

(37)
Louis Mikva,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Well Done

you are 100% right the majority of people in the world cant grip the reality that we have only made it through the love of God. this was well done thank you.

(36)
Markus Elkana Brajtman,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Outstanding

I really enjoyed reading the article. I am personally having a daily email "fight" with a woman from the States, who only sees that the Israeli army is cruel, committing atrocities, and that there were "only a few terrorists"
Sharon is evil, and hated even in Israel.
Israel is committing violations of the Geneva Convention, and the Israeli army is committing atrocities daily against a defenseless people.
That is what the press has done to people's minds.
I am going to send her this article, so she can carry on with her Israel bashing>

(35)
Anonymous,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Is this a joke or real?

Is this article a joke or real?

(34)
Anonymous,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Silly and Wrong

Silly article, with some factual errors. Here are two: Wim Duisenberg led the European Central Bank, which determined monetary policy for the Euro, not a "Euro Dollar". And he's no longer the head. It is true that Mr. Duisenberg's wife was extremely and outspokenly anti-Israel, but what's funny about that?

Instead of making the argument that Jews don't control the world because there are so many instances of anti-Semitism out there, how about making the (obvious) point that even though many important figures around the world are Jewish, they obviously display no coordinated "Jewish" agenda. It would be great if they all stood for Torah values, but that's not exactly the kind of coordination the Malaysian Prime Minister had in mind!

(33)
jennifa,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

how very true

I read this and said how true you are very funny Jeff thankyou "I believe you" the Jews do rule.....

(32)
Victor Gordon,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

We are missing the point

Although this article provides a great laughI feel we are missing the point of the Malaysian Premier's remarks.The fact that the Muslim world holds this perception illustrates that world's sense of inadequacy and failure to make any significant contribution to mankind over the past few centuries. Islam might have been a great movement in days gone by but since then it had seriously lost the plot. The Malaysian Premier at least displayed honesty in admitting this failure but, of course he had to find a scapegoat and we all know who that is and will always be. Unfortunately, we Jews have been too damn successful and therefore prominent over the centuries and continue to be so even in the face of so many attempts to decimate us. 160 Nobel Prize winners to the 6 attributed to the Muslim world is hard for a God fearing Muslim to stomach. The world has often settled for mediocrity and the Muslims appear to display a preference for that choice.

(31)
Laura Hershey,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

BINGO!

Please tell Lenny he's doing an especially good job managing CNN.

(30)
Trevor Shaff,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

I cant even program my VCR...

I cannot even program my VCR, how am I supposed to rule the entire world. I tried to record mahathirs speech from CNN, could not do it....lost the book of instructions...written by the japanese...mmmm..maybe they run the world..someone tell Bin Laden..

(29)
Anonymous,
October 29, 2003 12:00 AM

My apologies to Israel and Jews

i am a malaysian but not of Muslim faith. i would like to offer my apologies to Israel and jews for that offending remark.

mahathir's politics has always been blaming other races for the lack of progress among the muslims and malays in malaysia. he is a pathetic person just ignore him . he is no more the leader of malasyia as of today ie 1.11.2003.

(28)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

CHANGE THE "THEM " TO "US"

IT'S NOT OUR DUTY TO PROVE OUR WORTH TO THE NATIONS. JUST TO SHINE HASHEM'S LIGHT INTO THE WORLD THROUGH OUR MITZVOT AND ACTIONS. ALL THE WIT AND SARCASM AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN THE LARGER SCHEME OF THINGS. AS SHLOMO HAMELECH STATED "NOTHING IS NEW UNDER THE SUN". THIS REMAINS TRUE TODAY AS IT EVER DID. THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD ARE IRRELEVANT. ONCE WE HOLD UP OUR END OF THE BARGAIN WITH OUR CREATOR, NOTHING CAN TOUCH US.

(27)
Anonymous,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

It's all in the name!

Yes, the Malaysian PM was right...just look at what the word 'jews' stands for:

J ews (and)
E retz Yisroel (are the)
W orld
S uperpowers

Give me a break. If we Jews really ran the world, there would be a mandate to have a shteeble and kosher pizza shop on every street corner across the globe. Until that happens, Mahathir's rambling holds no water whatsoever.

Thanks for the article--I had a few great laughs!

(26)
Steven Bogach,
October 28, 2003 12:00 AM

WWJD

WWJD actually stands for WORLD WIDE JEWISH DOMINATION.

(25)
Gloria Amann,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

About Dunetz, phenomenal breadth and control of information!

About Dunetz his information turned into beautiful wittty, snippy writing that makes a lasting point I am most happy and gratified to read. This will stay with me quite a while. Show it to my beloved Mayor Koch. L'Chaim!

(24)
paul-harvey du bois,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

jews "run" the world?

I,a gentile, like Jeff Dunetz'"Jewish" (?) humour. However, I'm a little confused about the ongoing allegation
that Chirac blocked the condemnation of
that Malaysian President's comments.
Several writers over here, Bernard Henri-Levy for example, maintain that Chirac did in fact condemn the Malaysian
President's statements.

(23)
Anthony,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

Great,Great article..brightened up my morning

Jeff,this was one the best articles I have read for a long time...I for one believe every word you said...even your conclusion..Who can believe such a thing ?
Shalom

(22)
Dov Ben Avraham,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

A great story, but sadly, I think, preached to the converted.

I liked this story very much. It drips with the sarcasm I myself feel. I pray some of the former believers of this Jewish conspiracy will be illuminated or at least spurred on to look for the truth but I feel their numbers will be small. We can hope that an article such as this will help our fellow Jews to be braver in the face of terror and lies. My thanks to Jeffery Dunetz!

(21)
Anonymous,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

Brilliant

Yet another brilliantly written article from this author. Truthful, funny, insightful and thought provoking!
Shalom.

(20)
Chana,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

how we jews rule the world

I realize you're article is sarcastic, but we do really run the world, or rather the world runs for us. If Jews act according to the way Hashem wants us, then things go well for us, if we sin, Hashem lets us know by reminding us with antisemitism rearing its ugly head etc. We can control the world through prayer and proper behavior.

(19)
Ira Indich,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

A musical by Mahathir Mohamed

Opening scene: Summer, 70 a.d. Jerusalem
General Vespasian sings (tune of "N.Y."):
Start spreading the Jews, they're leaving today, on a trek that will have them ruling the world by proxy. That vagabond race, that doesn't know its place, will use its brains, until it reigns......

(18)
ed jones,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

History Repeats Itself -- AGAIN

In the book of Daniel it says that a group of anti-Jewish politicals "accused the Jews".

Over two thousand years later, the United Nations passed a resolution -- "and accused the Jews" saying, Zionism is Racism"

Now the UN passes a resolution "accues the Jews" calling the security fence a violation against International Law.

In every season of accusation, the Almighty raised up a defense. And as the Israeli government exercises its sovereign right to protect its citizens and raises a "fence", so the non-Jewish people who recognize Israel's right to secure borders joins in the "defense".

To Aish: Never Give Up

(17)
HB,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

Real Jewish Humor!

Let's not forget the old story of a Jew noticing his pal reading an anti-semitic rag. "Why are you reading that horrible stuff??" "Because when I read the Jewish press I don't feel so good." his friend replied. "We're arguing with each other; we need more money for our schools and charities; we're only a small group of people. But when I read the goyish press, we Jews are the smartest and strongest people in the world!"

(16)
Benjamin,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

The situation looks fishy

It's no secret that George Bush is plaint to the wishes of American evangelical Christians. Believing the messiah will come only when Jews rule Israel they're supportive of the state. Would it be more accurate to say the state of Israel is a proxy for Christian religious interests? It would be inaccurate to claim that present day Jewish and Christian interests are not oriented in favor of a state which exists on land claimed by a predominately Muslim people. The idea of a Jewish conspiracy is laughable, however Israel is supported by the world's most powerful nation, why wouldn't that be suspect?

(15)
Anonymous,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

You forgot...

Shprintze Yente invented internet, but because of her extreme modesty, she let her husband take all the credit. (That's why there's so much Jewish propoganda online.)

(14)
Greg Lobdell,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

Great satire and revelling truth

The Bible says the greatest truths are paradoxical. Your article brillantly shows how ridiculous Mahathir's comments about Israel appear to the informed, and how predictive of a future Millennium when Israel will be at the "head" of the nations (Deuteronomy 26:19).

(13)
Stan,
October 27, 2003 12:00 AM

Loved the sarcasm and the put down

Love the artice by Jeffrey Dunetz. A very clever writer. This article should be published in a national newspaper like the NY Times. Unfortunately, that is a very left newspaper.

(12)
Arnold Eisen,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

Finally, the Trueth

This is a great article. Finally, to be able to tell the world the trueth. All the abuse we suffer as a people comes from our own just to 'throw them off'. Yes, it's agreat article. Now, I just wonder hom many of the Palestinian terrorists are actually Jews in disguise just trying to create reasons to fund the IDF!
Arnold

(11)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

One correction - French President Jacques Chirac DID NOT "block the EU from ending its summit with a harshly worded statement condemning Mahathir's speech." This allegation (of Ma'ariv newspaper) has been proven false.

(10)
Gershon Lesser, MD,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

return to God...is the real message to us Jews

These are moments of great unseemly danger. The mounting antisemitism is thicker than split pea soup. Attitude abounds everywhere. It is time for people of the book to return to the book, and to their own religous teachings, and Torah. We need to lead the world in a display of loving kindness, receiving to share, blessing all about us and following our original charge to represent what is moral and correct in the world.I sense we Jews have become detached from our original mission. The Jew must reach out to those who would shun him/her with an elegant rise in awareness, consciousness, and loving intent. But the Jew is a product of survival, and the time is now to prove that truth as well.

(9)
Dr. Perry Brickman,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

The funniest yet.

Sorry you didn't mention that Abe Foxman (ADL) wrote The Protocols of the Elders of Zion

(8)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

100% child's tripe

If nothing else, we Jews can certainly agree that our influence is disproporitonate to our numbers. It's a stretch to say we control the world but our excellence in exactly the areas the author mentions--finance, media, medicine, science and technolgy--is significant. Rather than running from this fact, hiding behind the facade of crude sarcasm as is the case here--we should instead embrace our good fortunes and teach our adversaries that indeed these fortunes accrue as rewards of an inspired Torah life.

This article was superb. The intense sarcasm really succeeds in getting the point across: WE JEWS RUN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!! ..... or do we? :-)

(6)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

The Truth Atlast!

I loved this article. I started to smile after reading just a paragraph.

(5)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

Cute.

Tongue in cheek...or is it?

(4)
Steven Kalka,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

very funny indeed!

It was refreshing to read some humor on such a serious issue.
Don't forget Harry Truman's quip that the Grand Dragon of the KKK must have been a Jew because no one else could sell them a bedsheet uniform for $200.

(3)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

Mandatory Bagels Worldwide

You forgot to mention the training ground for Jewish children, The Juniors of Zion.

You should have mentioned how we completely control the U.N., the Kremlin, the Vatican, and the Saudis.

Sunday, 10/26/03 common era

(2)
Merrilee Morse,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

chosen people

Very funny! I enjoyed it, but I agree that the Jewish people DO seem to have money and power and fame disproportionate to numbers. Reason seems obvious: the Jews are the chosen people of Hashem. His blessings rest upon His people!

(1)
Elaine Hensley,
October 26, 2003 12:00 AM

Food for the Fight

If there is one characteristic of the Jewish people, which I find most endearing, it is the ability to find humor in even the worst of circumstances, and if there is one attribute of this amazing ability, it is sarcasm. There are few things I find as thought-provoking as good sarcasm. The ability to not think more highly of one's self than we ought, is one the world should take note of and learn to imitate. I truely enjoyed both the humor and most especially the sarcasm of this article. However having said this, I must also warn, be careful lest "they" don't get it. The first rule of warfare is to know your enemy. The Jewish people and Torah by their very nature are and must always be in direct opposition to the world system, both past and present. Torah, and all those who aspire to follow it's teachings, and the dogma of the rest of the world are polar-opposites. Hense they repel rather than attract.It is not that the Jewish population counts the world an enemy, but rather that the world has portrayed the Jewish people as their enemy. If it is any consolation, it is not the race of people descended from Abraham, Issac, and Jacob which so embitters the world, but rather the teachings and beliefs which they adhere to, and the G-D whom they serve. It is these unique differences which have, do, and will in the future bring the world's critisms and often times stark brutalities upon the Jewish people. Ancient teachings tell us that G-D approached the nations individually with the offer of Torah and each of the nations rejected the offer, then G-D called out a man by the name of Abram and from him brought forth a great nation of peoples which agreed to G-D's covenant, and agreed to keep, protect, and pass-on Torah to all their future generations. It is because of this that the world has hated the Jewish people, not the people, but the authority of G-D's Torah which they observe. The truth sadly will not alter this, for they reject truth. Humor and sarcasm are good for the soul, as they lift our spirits and encourage us to continue on in the commission which G-D himself has instructed us to carry-out, but these too will fail to alter this reality. If the world rejected G-D's offer of Torah, then certainly they will also reject his commissioned ones. What G-D has begun, HE will establish. Let this knowledge be enough, and trust in HIM. Shalom, Elaine Hensley

I’m wondering what happened to the House of David. After the end of the Kingdom of Judah was there any memory what happened to King David’s descendants? Is there any family today which can trace its lineage to David – and whom the Messiah might descend from?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Thank you for your good question. There is no question that King David’s descendants are alive today. God promised David through Nathan the Prophet that the monarchy would never depart from his family (II Samuel 7:16). The prophets likewise foretell the ultimate coming of the Messiah, descendant of David, the “branch which will extend from the trunk of Jesse,” who will restore the Davidic dynasty and Israel’s sovereignty (Isaiah 11:1, see also Jeremiah 33:15, Ezekiel 37:25).

King David’s initial dynasty came to an end with the destruction of the First Temple and the Babylonian Exile. In an earlier expulsion King Jehoiachin was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar, together with his family and several thousand of the Torah scholars and higher classes (II Kings 24:14-16). Eleven years later the Temple was destroyed. The final king of Judah, Jehoiachin’s uncle Zedekiah, was too exiled to Babylonia. He was blinded and his children were executed (II Kings 25:7).

However, Jehoiachin and his descendants did survive in exile. Babylonian cuneiform records actually attest to Jehoiachin and his family receiving food rations from the government. I Chronicles 3:17:24 likewise lists several generations of his descendants (either 9 or 15 generations, depending on the precise interpretation of the verses), which would have extended well into the Second Temple era. (One was the notable Zerubbabel, grandson of Jehoiachin, who was one of the leaders of the return to Zion and the construction the Second Temple.)

In Babylonia, the leader of the Jewish community was known as the Reish Galuta (Aramaic for “head of the exile,” called the Exilarch in English). This was a hereditary position recognized by the Babylonian government. Its bearer was generally quite wealthy and powerful, well-connected to the government and wielding much authority over Babylonian Jewry.

According to Jewish tradition, the Exilarch was a direct descendant of Jehoiachin. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 5a) understands Genesis 49:10 – Jacob’s blessing to Judah that “the staff would not be removed from Judah” – as a reference to the Exilarchs in Babylonia, “who would chastise Israel with the staff,” i.e., who exercised temporal authority over the Jewish community. It stands to reason that these descendants of Judah were descendants of David’s house, who would have naturally been the leaders of the Babylonian community, in fulfillment of God’s promise to David that authority would always rest in his descendants.

There is also a chronological work, Seder Olam Zutta (an anonymous text from the early Middle Ages), which lists 39 generations of Exilarchs beginning with Jehoiachin. One of the commentators to Chronicles, the Vilna Gaon, states that the first one was Elionai of I Chronicles 3:23.

The position of Exilarch lasted for many centuries. The Reish Galuta is mentioned quite often in the Talmud. As can be expected, some were quite learned themselves, some deferred to the rabbis for religious matters, while some, especially in the later years, fought them and their authority tooth and nail.

Exilarchs existed well into the Middle Ages, throughout the period of the early medieval scholars known as the Gaonim. The last ones known to history was Hezekiah, who was killed in 1040 by the Babylonian authorities, although he was believed to have had sons who escaped to Iberia. There are likewise later historical references to descendants of the Exilarchs, especially in northern Spain (Catelonia) and southern France (Provence).

Beyond that, there is no concrete evidence as to the whereabouts of King David’s descendants. Supposedly, the great French medieval sage Rashi (R. Shlomo Yitzchaki) traced his lineage to King David, although on a maternal line. (In addition, Rashi himself had only daughters.) The same is said of Rabbi Yehuda Loewe of Prague (the Maharal). Since Ashkenazi Jews are so interrelated, this is a tradition, however dubious today, shared by many Ashkenazi Jews.

In any event, we do not need be concerned today how the Messiah son of David will be identified. He will be a prophet, second only to Moses. God Himself will select him and appoint him to his task. And he himself, with his Divine inspiration, will resolve all other matters of Jewish lineage (Maimonides Hilchot Melachim 12:3).

Yahrtzeit of Kalonymus Z. Wissotzky, a famous Russian Jewish philanthropist who died in 1904. Wissotzky once owned the tea concession for the Czar's entire military operation. Since the Czar's soldiers numbered in the millions and tea drinking was a daily Russian custom, this concession made Wissotzky very rich. One day, Wissotzky was approached by the World Zionist Organization to begin a tea business in Israel. He laughed at this preposterous idea: the market was small, the Turkish bureaucracy was strict, and tea leaves from India were too costly to import. Jewish leaders persisted, and Wissotzky started a small tea company in Israel. After his death, the tea company passed to his heirs. Then in 1917, the communists swept to power in Russia, seizing all of the Wissotzky company's assets. The only business left in their possession was the small tea company in Israel. The family fled Russia, built the Israeli business, and today Wissotzky is a leading brand of tea in Israel, with exports to countries worldwide -- including Russia.

Building by youth may be destructive, while when elders dismantle, it is constructive (Nedarim 40a).

It seems paradoxical, but it is true. We make the most important decisions of our lives when we are young and inexperienced, and our maximum wisdom comes at an age when our lives are essentially behind us, and no decisions of great moment remain to be made.

While the solution to this mystery eludes us, the facts are evident, and we would be wise to adapt to them. When we are young and inexperienced, we can ask our elders for their opinion and then benefit from their wisdom. When their advice does not coincide with what we think is best, we would do ourselves a great service if we deferred to their counsel.

It may not be popular to champion this concept. Although we have emerged from the era of the `60s, when accepting the opinion of anyone over thirty was anathema, the attitude of dismissing older people as antiquated and obsolete has-beens who lack the omniscience of computerized intelligence still lingers on.

Those who refuse to learn from the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat them. We would do well to swallow our youthful pride and benefit from the teachings of the school of experience.

Today I shall...

seek advice from my elders and give more serious consideration to deferring to their advice when it conflicts with my desires.

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