Narrator: you intro’d more tributes to old things than Robert Osborne at a nursing home birthday party.

Singer: think Jethro Tull’s Living in the Past.

Narrator: all done to honor movies no one’s ever seen, to celebrate stupidity like it was an Olympic event, and to convince us that Hollywood’s best days are still ahead of it.

Singer: could Kermit the frog do this?

Narrator: so crack open an ice cold Bud Light and toast yourself, oh sycophant to the stars, because we’ll all be hanging out at home playing Just Dance instead of honoring The Artist, Part Deux at next year’s gala gig.

Singer: Mister safety choice Academy Award host.

Narrator: Anheuser Busch, Saint Louis, Missouri

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About Professor Mockumental

I enjoy almost all forms of parody, buffoonery, and general high-jinks. Satire has shown itself to be an essential societal need; I therefore humbly offer my services in such a manner.
I enjoy mocking the usual suspects at the New York Times (Charles Blows, Moron Dowd, and the earth is flat guy) and Washington Post (Dana Milkbag, E.D. Dijon, and David Ignoramus). There are many others as well, but sadly, there are always too many targets and too little time.