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Thursday, March 21, 2013

Taking back my life

Hey friends!

I posted awhile back about my battle to get off of some medication that was making me very sick. I am still battling. Depression is a real bitch. A spiral really. It's hard to make myself do anything, including things that I know will help me feel good and then because I don't do them I feel worse. UGH. Lately it has been particularly difficult and I have rarely even gone in my studio - which all of you know is CRAZY. Not only that but I don't even wake up early enough to get in there anymore. Is anyone here who remembers the days when I got up at 3:30am every single day??? Depression doesn't make sense either. I have a great life, a sweet daughter, an awesome hubby - the first time EVER that I have had security and stability. But it doesn't matter because depression isn't about feeling bad about something bad that's happening :P BUT I have GOT to shake this. I have GOT to pull myself together. I WILL beat this just like I did before. I have never been one to lay down and give up. I have had a rough life and overcome some pretty tremendous odds on a number of occasions - I can't get lazy about things now! Hell I may even start another blog about it - not about depression cuz that would be...well, depressing! hahahh! But maybe one about all of the positive things I can do to pick myself up and take back my life. I think I got lazy and it ends here! So look for that to begin soon - I will let y'all know here in case any of you want to hop on over. (Does anyone even read this blog anymore???)

Before I move on I also want to say my hubby is a SAINT for sticking with me through this. I know I am no picnic right now! Lord he puts up with alot!

I have been feeling stuck, unmotivated and un-artistic lately. I decided that needed to stop and despite not having the money for it really I took the plunge and signed up for one of the online art classes that has been on my list for awhile (and boy is it a long list!) I adore the whimsical fun look of artwork by Juliette Crane and began her Backgrounds and Layers workshop. It was a bit outside of my comfort zone but I dove in anyway and it got me using a few things I don't use enough AND doing some drawing which I also struggle with!

Of course - being in my current state I hated both of my first pieces. But I showed them to my buddy Suzanne and then posted them in the workshop group and gt a little encouragement so I am sharing them here after all and chalking it up to my questionable mental state! tee hee!

OF COURSE there's a cat! I love the free, whimsical style of this drawing though contrary to what it sounds like free and whimsical can be a bit of struggle. Pezza however, sat down and drew the MOST adorable whimsical owl when I was drawing - I was quite impressed. I said How do you know how to do that so well? she says You taught me. Hmmmmmm....then why can't I do it as well? Probably because I am not 6 anymore! We'll have to take a look at her owl in another post.

And then because I am jonesing for Spring and it was part of the lesson - a happy little flower.

The backgrounds are a mess of acrylic paints, water soluble oil pastels, stencils, sprays, tissue paper, book pages, inktense pencils and even some chunky Art Institute Glitter! That's ALOT of layers of ALOT of stuff and, as usual, my fabulous Stillman & Birn Beta series art journal held up under pressure! I think perhaps I shall do more...though I may need a larger size paper to work on! The new Stillman & Birn Zeta series is available now...waiting for it to show up at Dick Blick!

Hi Marti, Just wanted to give you a few words of encouragement! Hang in there--I feel you will be fine! I have never understood about depression! How it can affect one person but not another! Take care of yourself--you are very much needed (and appreciated)! Hugs and prayers!

Hello Marti!!I've been reading your blog since those Studio G clear stamp craze days!!! hahaha...I don't have much if any experience with depression, so i can only offer you hugs and hugs! I'm glad you have your hubby throughout this and know that there are people here in blogland that do care for you and enjoy reading your blog! =) You are so very creative and i do hope you get bitten by the creative bug again! ( i see its starting to come back with your drawings!)take care hugsjuli

Hello Marti, I still read your blog and look forward to what your doing. Some days are 10 mins at a time others are hours at time you caome over come this, your mind is going in the right path. Keep posting lot of folks need to here what you have to say.Hugs,Sharon

I don't suffer from depression so I cannot relate but I sure hope you find something that helps you soon. In the meantime, try to embrace every day and move forward, one step at a time! Sending a prayer up for you!

Hi Marti, I understand the depression and it's not fun but hang in there you will make it through. Had panic attacks too not fun either but God is good and with Him all things are possible. Praying for you! oh and I alsoread your post:) Have a GREAT day!!!!

You are such a beautiful person! Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do. If I could only show you when you are lonely or in darkness, that You are an astonishing light of creativity and inspiration for so many of us. Your artwork puts smiles and rays of sunshine on our faces. You are a blessing, sending hugs and prayers to you. tonya

I have been reading your blog for a very long time...I do enjoy all your antics with Pezza...my children are all grown but I do remember those days very clearly...as for your depression I do not suffer from it but my daughter-in-law does and it is very hard some days....my son's mother-in-law tells him that she feels very lucky to have him for her daughter as she goes through this....I just have to back up and help when asked...I will pray for you as you deal this. Love to read all that you have to say and wish that I could do a lot of the crafty things that you do...love your family and hug them everyday...time does go very FAST. Jan