Turtlenecks Under Anything

For anyone who actually still wears a turtleneck—or the much appreciated, always ironic dickey—please admit that it's just for a goof and not for serious.

Wearing one of these things is style suicide.

I remember the days before dri-fit material was available and players, coaches and fans had to wear one as a base layer to keep warm, but unless an athlete is trying to cover up a hickey from the night before, it's time to lose the neck warmers and stop trying to make them happen.

Bane-Like Facemasks

Jim O'Connor-USA TODAY Sports

For any football player who wears one of these crazy facemasks, I applaud you for trying to think outside of the box and toss in a little extra personal intimidation—it's too bad the NFL doesn't think the same.

Still, as cool as they look, are they necessary?

We all first thought that the extra mask was for added protection, but that turned out to be wishful thinking because it did turn out to be just for show.

Rec Specs

Brian Bahr/Getty Images

OK, Matt Kiebus over at Buzzfeed, I see why you might think that rec specs are the dopest accessory in sports, but the majority of people who wear them still come across as the nerdy, dopey kid from middle school rec league.

As someone who gets mad at his contacts every time they slide around when I work out, I understand they're not the most convenient things to wear.

I just don't think they're worse than reverting back 30-plus years to rec specs.

Bike Coaches Shorts

Image via GQ

These shorts make me think of my tee-ball coach from kindergarten, who used to wear a gray pair of the buttoned-up, skin-squeezing kind.

Unless you're a total meathead little league coach who wants to show how piped-out they are by terrifying players and parents alike, these unintentional compression shorts should be kept gathering dust. They're a bit too risque for sports.

Titanium Necklaces

Image via YouTube

I'm not trying to put a company like Phiten out of business or anything—especially since it employs people much smarter than me—but it turns out that plenty of people are as skeptical as I am about if these bands' functionality.

They are touted to improve balance and increase energy, but it's always a bad sales pitch when the company that sells the product admits it doesn't do as promised.

Whoops.

For anyone still wearing these in hopes of getting a major boost, it's time to stick to a lot of sugar to help with an added level of rush.