Christmas was always going to mean fewer blogs from me. But there has been an added problem: I’ve had the flu. That’s influenza as opposed to a heavy cold. The flu not a runny nose and sore throat and the sniffles. This was proper flu with a high temperature, lack of appetite, aches, pains, shivers… the flu. So all you silly men who think you have the flu, think again. You don’t have it. Believe you me, you’ll know when you have the flu because you won’t want to do anything else but sleep or die.

There will be a few more gaps this month as I change Internet provider. I’ve come to the end of the line with Virgin Media, whose customer service is poor and whose advertisements are misleading. I’ve grown tired of having to deal with call centres in India and the Philippines. I’ve grown weary of the lies and the hidden charges. “Up to 30Mb” is what they claim. The truth is that you get less than that. The clue is in the words “up to”. Clever, eh? More like dishonest.