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February 06, 2010

There is a time in every child's life that you have to teach this important truth: Most people are out to get their money. Right now you're asking me, "Jaded much?" Yes I am jaded, and very realistic, and I want my kids to hang on to their money. The place we begin teaching this is right in our own home as we sit in front of the TV.

"Mom, we should buy that!"

"Why?"

"Because it makes pancakes in a flash, with fillings!"

"Do you really think it takes less time to cook pancakes in that pan than in the pan we have now?"

"Um.... that's what the commercial says."

"But do you think it is really true, or do they just want your money?"

After several of these type discussions the kids know the answer- "They want our money."

It makes me smile from ear to ear when my kids go through this routine with each other.

"Hey sis, we could put our allowance money together to buy that!"

"No, they just want our money."

Love it.

Not that I love that I have to teach this lesson to my kids. I can barely imagine a world where "money back guarantee" really meant money back guarantee. While we live in this real world full of people after our money I believe it is my duty to teach this concept just as sure as it is my duty to teach them to work hard to earn that money. It's related to the concept 'you can't get something for nothing', 'if it's too good to be true it probably is', along those lines. In short, we're surrounded by deception.

DH and I had a conversation today about the global warming debate, about the increasing evidence that numbers were manipulated to produce a desired result despite peer review. In short, the world has been deceived by a community that is supposed to rely on impersonal facts. Guess what? The facts were produced by a person, therefore they are in some way 'personal' facts. There's no taking the person out of the equation and so there is no taking the imperfect out of the equation. This life is not the time or place to expect perfection.

Why would someone manipulate data? They want your money. (That was a question to test your comprehension of the first part of the post.) So you say that the researchers weren't out for money, they didn't get a cent. Which leads to my next point - If they don't want your money, then they want your attention and regard - they want power.

"As you pursue your discipleship and observe the human scene, do not be surprised or unnerved by the natural man’s relentless push for preeminence and power. It really reflects the premortal psychodrama. Nor should you be surprised over the efforts of so many to cover their sins or to gratify their vain ambition (see D&C 121:37).
Be grateful, therefore, for the gospel’s emphasis on meekness. Be careful of the natural man’s milder expressions—craving for credit and rustling for recognition. Alas, so often the hearts and even the moral agency of others can be crushed in the search for self-glorification."*

Wow, crushed hearts and moral agency. In the end that is what my teaching conversations in front of the TV are all about- teaching my children to preserve their hearts and moral agency from those that would crush them for their own gain. This isn't just about TV, it's about every facet of life: work, play, and the internet.

*Side note: This quote is a great way to watch yourself - when you embark on a new endeavor, ask yourself why. If it involves credit, recognition, or power then check your ambitions at the door and re-think your endeavor.

January 29, 2010

"Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;But with joy wend your way.Though hard to you this journey may appear,Grace shall be as your day.’Tis better far for us to striveOur useless cares from us to drive;Do this, and joy your hearts will swell—All is well! All is well!"

I used to watch Oprah frequently. One of the things that I enjoyed about it was the feeling I got when the following scenario happened (As it did frequently. But this is only a re-enactment, not an actual conversation on the show.)

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Oprah: Today we'd like to welcome Leah, a 38 year old housewife from Arizona. Let's take a look at Leah's life

(They show a clip of Leah's lavish house, her 2.6 kids, tricked out SUV, and movie star gorgeous husband. The last shot is of Leah, perfectly attired and quaffed. She says, "I feel like I have it all, like this is what I've worked for all my life. But now that I'm here I'm just not happy." The clip ends with Leah peering into the sunset longingly from the deck of her swimming pool.)

Oprah: Leah, thank you for being on the show, we appreciate you sharing this painful secret with the world.

Leah: (with tears in her eyes) Thank you for having me. I want to be here so I can help other women just like me.

(Leah goes on to detail her life and explain that before she changed there was no joy, no excitement in her life.)

Oprah: Tell us about the change that happened in your life.

Leah: I decided that I wasn't taking care of me. My life was all about my family, and their interests. Since that time I've started a company that recruits women for high paying corporate boards, learned to ski, and I consult for a private home decorating firm. My life is going in the right direction, I am finally getting what I deserve, a life focused on myself.

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There are several reasons that this scene may have elicited warm fuzzies for me. First, it proved to me that even rich people aren't happy. It reinforced my preconceived notions about wealth and happiness (which isn't true). Second, it validated my own feelings of unease and lessened the burden of responsibility. Meaning that if this woman who seemingly had it all and did it all was unhappy then obviously the fact that I experienced sadness proved that it was because I wasn't doing enough for myself. Despite the initial warm fuzzies and the need to properly care for ourselves, I think these type of scenarios planted seeds of dissatisfaction and selfishness in my soul. It created a sense of entitlement.

My sister recently mentioned entitlement in a blog post . As children of God we are entitled to absolutely zip. That's right, our "deserving" anything from God is a falsehood.

"I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants ."Mosiah 2:21.

This scripture used to make me feel uncomfortable, like I wasn't of value, that at any moment God could dessimate me because I wasn't worth anything to him. But that isn't what this scripture is saying! We are of intense value to God, but it is not because we are profitable servants. We can't add one ounce to his possessions, he already owns it all! What God is after is our salvation and eternal life, not more in his bank account.

It is interesting to me that the scripture above is included in a sermon about service. King Benjamin wanted his people to serve, yet he told them that serving didn't profit God. Was he sending a mixed message? No, he was teaching us about the qualities of true service, and about the personality of God. God serves us constantly even though we don't profit him anything. If this is our example, what does that say about our service? That we shouldn't expect anything in return for service. No entitlements.

The answer to why we should serve goes beyond obedience and because people are in need. The answer is in this quote from David O. McKay, "Man’s greatest happiness comes from losing himself for the good of others." (from this talk)

Service is the answer for unhappiness. (Please understand that I am not saying that service is the answer for clinical depression or other mental illnesses, that is a hugely different issue.)

Many years ago I became acquainted with a wealthy woman (wealthy by my standards). One day we got onto the topic of paying tithing, she said,"Getting paid more doesn't mean that paying tithing is any easier. It gets harder because that check is so large. You look at it and think, Wow, that could almost buy a car!" An attitude that what we sacrifice is too much, is sometimes mentally applied to the service we might perform for our fellow man.

I've wrongly thought that way very recently in regards to the responsibilities my husband and I have at church. It seemed overwhelming that so much is asked of both of us. How could we take care of everything in our lives and perform the duties necessary at church? When I asked it of myself, of my husband, and of God, I thought it was a rhetorical question. Turns out God gave me an answer. The answer is that I have too many useless cares. I have too much good and better but not enough best.

(Mother's Day 2007, pg with Baby, R, J, & A)

This morning the lines to the hymn at the beginning of this post came into my mind, "our useless cares from us to drive..." The service I perform is important, to some in desperate need it could even be called essential. My children and husband would say that my service in our home is essential. That is something worth caring about. What isn't so obvious is what isn't worth caring about, the useless cares. It is a waste of our precious energies to worry and care for useless things. Useless cares may be different for each individual- right now Oprah is on my list of useless cares, but she might not be one of yours.

A care that I thought was less important, but not exactly useless, was housework and maintaining a nice home (not overly lavish). I am realizing that it is important and effects my family. After I cleaned the kitchen and cleared everything off the kitchen table, J said, "Mom I like what you did with the table." A little clue that I hadn't been creating the right environment in my home. Today I mopped the floor (hooray me!). At the end of each day that I make an effort towards keeping a nice home I feel good. I'm not saying that this is something you need to care about (just like you're not going to tell me to care about Oprah), but for me, and where I'm at in my progression, it is something that God wants me to care about.

We have to trust God enough to let him lead us in a direction that roots the useless cares out of our lives, choosing the path of selfless service. To me that is what the hymn means when it says, "No toil nor labor fear." Choosing service usually involves a period of stress where we renegotiate our priorities and find useless cares to eliminate.Through this process we will not become profitable servants to God, but we will find greater happiness, please God, and have the side benefit of aiding those in need.

January 09, 2010

DH and I saw Avatar in 3D IMAX today. It was a great movie*. The plot isn't anything complicated or new, but still sucked me in because the dialog was real and the visuals too. Of course when I say real, it's relative. The computer animated world had enough connections to what my reality is that I believed the shifts.

There was a spiritual thread running through the movie I appreciated, with a tie to nature. The thing that was annoying were the slaps in the face, pushing me out of the story - when the characters would swear or refer to the current day war. I think it was someone's way of making the parallels between the movie and modern times obvious. Hollywood believes America is stupid and won't pick up on subtleties.

The whole concept of an avatar is interesting (In the cyber world it is a representation of a person, that may or may not be a likeness. In a way, this blog is an avatar of me. It is not really me, but a electronic representation of me. The art world addressed avatars long ago with 'This Is Not A Pipe'.). The avatars in the cyber world are another way for people to escape real life, to not deal with the problems they have. The ultimate in escapism. I will not be surprised to see some people become obsessed with this idea. There already are- TV, movies, video games, computer/internet (where we are now), are all other worlds where our body is irrelevant. This brings up very deep psychological and philosophical ideas.

"President Boyd K. Packer has taught, “Our spirit and our body are combined in such a way that our body becomes an instrument of our mind and the foundation of our character.”2 Thus, our relationships with other people, our capacity to recognize and act in accordance with truth, and our ability to obey the principles and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ are amplified through our physical bodies. In the classroom of mortality, we experience tenderness, love, kindness, happiness, sorrow, disappointment, pain, and even the challenges of physical limitations in ways that prepare us for eternity. Simply stated, there are lessons we must learn and experiences we must have, as the scriptures describe, 'according to the flesh' (see 1 Nephi 19:6; Alma 7:12–13)"

In a way we are already living the ultimate avatar experience. Our mind and spirit controls the body we have been given, with real implications. (I must say that this life is far more than a mere game where avatars are used.) The implications of using our real 'avatar' can be as wonderful, or as devastating, as we choose. Why the desire for an avatar within an avatar then?

So that we are distracted from what is real.

So that we could, falsely, deny that there are consequences.

So that we would spend time wishing things were "different".

In the movie I saw today the avatar world was more vibrant, intense and magical than the world in which the character lived - real life. But that is a lie. Nothing can be better than, or even come close to, replicating the joys and thrills of this very real world.

"For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God, yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors." Alma 34:32

This life is not easy, sometimes I also wish for less difficulty, more color in the world, greater love with my fellow man, less destruction of nature, and more obvious signs of God's love with less denial of his existence. But to force those things to come true is to make the world false. Because of the law of opposition in all things we must taste the bitter to know the joy of the sweet. Without the bitter, the sweet is nothing, it is just another sensation that passes over our tongue. The bitter is the springboard into fully appreciating the sweet. So we all must labor to bring greater love in the world while enduring the lack of it. We have to love those who deny God while we recognize his existence. We all have the power to make the real world more like one of our dreams, but not if we are so involved in cyberspace that we do nothing in reality.

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This talk by Elder Bednar was a huge part of developing the ideas in this post. Please take a minute to read it. That is where I got the quote from Boyd K. Packer.

*Please don't take my post as an indictment of the movie. It is worth seeing, we might even take the rest of the family to see it next weekend.

December 23, 2009

Today we were all thinking about Max and Ruby. Their situation is so strange and it's hard to tell from watching if they have any parents at all. As each of my children came home from school they joined in the discussion. Did their parents die in a tragic accident? Is Ruby older than she seems, old enough to care for a little brother on her own? And where does the money come from? Because Ruby doesn't seem to have a job. Then there's the grandma, she invites them over for tea parties and birthdays but those two are on their own otherwise. Yes, it's strange. Very strange.

This discussion was all over two cartoon characters. Invisible parents seems to be a trend in kids' shows now. There's also Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. It's just Maggie, a pig and that beast. It gives me the willies so bad I don't let the kids watch it. There's also the pre-teen shows like ICarly - no parents just an irresponsible older brother. Is there an older cartoon where a child is without parents? I understand that they don't appear on screen in Charlie Brown. But they are still mentioned now and then. On these shows they aren't even mentioned. Another weird show? Yo Gabba Gabba. Goosebumps all over the place. Then again, when I watch the Banana Splits on Cartoon Network now they seem like a drug trip gone bad. But I sure loved them as a kid.

We built the gingerbread house last night. I buy pre-baked cookie parts that are hard as a rock so all we have to do is mix up frosting and throw candy at it.

We didn't even have the house built when R. asked if we could demolish it like we did last year. "Sounds like a plan", I told her.

The kids tried for another ER visit today. Sledding down the hill in our backyard, where there is a fence and pointy branches at the bottom. I was just waiting for an eyeball to get gouged out. A. hit the fence pretty hard one time, but then wanted to go down face first the next time. I played policeman on that one. They are all back inside now and I didn't see a drop of blood. Who says God doesn't answer prayers?

Time to go pick up the Chinese food for dinner tonight and my all-natural local raised and smoked ham for dinner tomorrow.

Good Luck with your plans whatever they are.

I'm just crossing my fingers for children that co-operate. The two year old is becoming more terrible two-ish every day.

November 07, 2009

This subject has been at the forefront of my mind since the shooting at Fort Hood this week. Knowing someone personally who is serving in a dangerous area also makes me mindful of this type of service. The freedoms we enjoy are all too easy to take for granted although they require the greatest of sacrifices by a select few.

Watching a program about the Fort Hood incident last night made me so concerned for those who returned from war-torn countries to what they felt was the safety of home, only to have their safe places turned into the type of war zone they just left. This act by one who was supposed to be helping military men and women heal from the scars of war will surely result in greater wounds. My heart truly goes out to those who are effected by this horrid act of violence.

(My friends' son wanted to dress up like his Daddy for Halloween.)

My heart also goes out to those serving in the military and the families that support them. Two of my friends from high school married, he now serves in the Marines. He recently left for another tour of duty in a war-zone, Afghanistan. Reading about his recent departure (here) reminded me that this is a life that the whole family chooses, not just the soldier. It is difficult on so many levels. This summer when I had a chance to visit with my friends, he told me that he feels good about his career choice and the work he does. God bless him for it, because not everyone could do it so well and find fulfillment.

This reminded me of my brother-in-law who is a police officer. He also told me this summer that he loves his job, that he can't imagine doing anything else. A few weeks later he was involved in a publicized police shooting. Thank heavens he was safe and all is well.

Our security and freedoms in America are priceless. There are such great people who sacrifice their lives for us to continue enjoying it. It makes me ill that those who protect us, the military and police, are vilified in popular culture. They deserve nothing but better pay, better homes and facilities, and our undying thanks.

September 28, 2009

Here's a reminder to watch the new Ken Burns documentary The National Parks on PBS. It actually started last night but I forgot to remind you. If you missed the first episode in the series you can watch it online.

I would be a different person without our family trips to National Parks.

I remember learning endurance when, as a tiny child, my parents tortured my small frail legs by forcing me to hike at Arches National Park. Only to then hike it as an adult and learn that I was being a whiner all those years ago. Then I saw the pictures and realized that they made me hike in a dress and then I knew that they were mean!

We went to Yellowstone too, the National Park and an elementary school named after it. The paint pots were hysterically funny- What's not to love about a naturally occuring feature that smells and sounds like farts and makes bubbles?! Old Faithful Geyser is such a part of who I am that it is astonishing to me that my children haven't been there, how could I be so derelict in my parental duties? It is so fresh in my mind, but really it has been too long since I've felt the geyser spray on my face. The lake, the falls, the hikes that are too long because you want to see just one more rainbow pool. We've got to get back there.

I think it was there that my Dad first taught us about manners in nature. Pick up everything, but not the flowers. Stay on the trail. Don't touch animals, never feed them. Be quiet. Leave it better than you found it. These rules were sacred. I mean even more than when we were at home. I felt it when we were out there.

My parents were brave. There was a trip, in my faint memory, down to the dusty southwest. Mesa Verde and Carlsbad Caverns. Being the parent of children now I know they must have had a deep desire to see those places to be willing to drag four children along. It could not have been a picnic. At Mesa Verde there was whining about heat and lack of water. Now I wish, I really really wish, I could remember seeing it.

At Carlsbad my little brother freaked out so Mom spent her day sitting on the rim of the cave. Back then I didn't think a wit about what my parents were getting out of it. At Carlsbad I thought how cool it was to ride an elevator in a cave. Then I got chills, and not the scared kind, as I watched the bats rush out of the cave by the hundreds. When we got home I loved to tell my friends where I went on my summer vacation. Not to Disneyland, but to Mesa Verde and Carlsbad Caverns. It just danced off my tongue.

That's just a few I can think of this afternoon. Thank you to all of you co-owners in the National Parks. I've used more than my fair share of them in my lifetime, but I still need to see those Giant Redwoods and Yosemite.

Tell me, how have you used the National Parks? And which one do you want to see that you haven't yet?

September 17, 2009

Does the name mean anything to you? I'm horrible at names anyway, but I didn't recognize it. I learned this name on a Smithsonian channel program. It was 10 people whose lives were transformed by the example of Nelson Mandela.

Adriaan Vlok held a high position in the Apartheid government of South Africa. He was in charge of police forces and instigated violence, many blacks were killed under his command. As Apartheid ended his position in government lowered. During this same time, 1994, his wife committed suicide. At one point he was offered amnesty through the Truth and Reconciliation Commission - they just wanted the truth to come out and the bodies of their loved ones returned home. Vlok was the only member of the elite government to come forward and offer what he knew.

Not only did he come forward, but he apologized. He humbly bowed before the feet of the mothers of those who had been killed and asked if he could wash their feet. It is said that they all cried as forgiveness started. What a moving story of a changed life, of a changed country.

That's what the TV program said. Then I started looking online. It's a regular Middle East happening all over again in South Africa. Tit*for Tat. They're saying - He didn't admit to everything and I caught him in a half truth and he's washing feet just to get attention. Now I don't pretend to completely understand their complicated situation then or now. The book Cry the Beloved Country made my heart ache for both sides. And I don't mean to be trite when I say this, but at some point you just have to move on.

Once I had a 'heated discussion' with a woman who claimed Martin Luther King Jr. was a good for nothin' adulterer who this world would have been better without. I tried to point out that he pushed our country in a direction it needed to go in, despite his mortal flaws. But she refused to listen.

No one on this earth is a saint. But at least some people are trying while others are busy looking for everything that's wrong.

*Being a person who has made mistakes and then gone on to ask forgiveness, I'll be the first to admit it's not pleasant to go back and in detail re-tell the sin. I would avoid it if I could, especially in public forums. I don't see much healing in it for anyone else either. Once it has been admitted to initially and forgiveness has been asked for, then leave it in the past and let the healing begin. Don't torture yourself (the sinner or the sinned against) with continuing to re-live the event. I believe this applies in the micro and the macro.

August 27, 2009

We all have weird things we think about that we don't share with anyone. Our own personal psychosis that keep the world spinning. Want to know one of mine?

When I am living my average day and begin to complain in my head about how tired I am, about how I don't want to make another meal, about weeding the garden, about getting the kids to school exactly on time (can't be early or the doors aren't open, don't be late or you'll get a tardy; too many of those results in brimstone, hellfire, and a threatening letter), then I relate to myself the hardships of my ancestors, as well as I can invent anyway. Along the lines of , "Eat your veggies, kids are dying in Africa!" but the historical mommy version instead. It goes something like this:

'How can there be this much laundry? If my children didn't have so many clothes I wouldn't have so much to wash....

'Back in the olden days people only had two sets of clothes, one for wearing and one for washing. They didn't have choices...

'Not to mention washing clothes by hand... how does a washboard get anything clean anyway? I should be glad that I don't have to hang clothes on the line to dry. With my luck my kids would pull them off and run them through the dirt...

Did women back then have carpal tunnel? There's no way I could do laundry by hand with carpal tunnel...My family would be the dirty ones in town, like Pigpen from Charlie Brown...'

So now you know, as I'm sorting darks from lights and stuffing them in my environmentally friendly washing machine, these are the thoughts roaming through my head. As I pour in the biodegradeable soap and push the start button I think to myself how my ancestors must be smiling down on me, so happy that their great, great, great-grandaughter doesn't have to use a washboard. Yep, I'm sure that's what heaven's all about.

As I get older I honestly wonder how people even survived in the 'olden days'. My body just can't do as much as it used to and I wonder how people kept themselves alive, not to mention gaggles of children. And I'm not just talking about in the US of A in the 18th or 19th century. What in the world did my ancestors do to stay alive during long winters in Switzerland. Honestly, how was anything in the Northern regions habitable?

All these crazy thoughts, based on the vast knowledge gleaned from National Geographic reading (as a child we had a subscription and now I read it whenever the waiting room has a new copy), are intended to convince me that I have it easy and in fact can survive another day.

But then I read something in my Anthropology textbook that blows my mind game to smithereens (frankly, it makes me jealous)-

People in the most simple economies (hunter, gatherer, simple horticulturist) work less than those in commercial economies (using money, like ours). Honestly and truly- we work MORE than our ancestors did. There is a simple economy in Brazil (Kuikuru tribe) where they only work 3 1/2 hours a day to keep themselves alive. I just drool thinking about the spare time I'd have. But then again it doesn't factor in childcare... but it does make my point. What the heck am I working so hard for?

The textbook goes on to say, "In commerical economies such as our own.. people seem to be motivated to keep any extra income for themselves and their families. Extra income is converted into bigger dwellings, more expensive furnishings and food, and other elements of a 'higher' standard of living."

Thinking back to my month-long vacation, we lived out of just a few suitcases. Now I look around myself and see the mass of STUFF and realize that I, and DH, spend the majority of our time taking care of, and earning, STUFF!

The axom, 'People are more important than things' has always been a solid for me, a no-brainer. But looking at my life and this society I wonder if it's all lip service. Time to clean out the closets and toyboxes, get rid of the flotsam and jetsom and donate it to those less fortunate...

June 05, 2009

I used to have a subscription to Cooking Light. Despite the plethora of recipes in each issue, I hardly ever made them. Or when I did, I regretted it. The reason? Too many bizarre ingredients. This is especially problematic when you are cooking for little people. (You really want to make tuna steaks or mahi mahi for someone who throws most of their food on the floor?) Another problem I had is that some of the recipes really aren't 'light', they are just lighter than the original. Although there is one recipe from their pages I have hung on to for years and made innumerable times, Italian Cream Cake. It's a little labor intensive, but sooo worth it.

The other day I picked up a copy of Everyday with Rachel Ray. Once I used a recipe from her show, Baked Ratatouille. It is a 'real' recipe - the ingredients can be found in any grocery store and nothing costs more than a few bucks. It kills me to spend $10 on one ingredient that I will likely never use again (sesame oil anyone?) After watching Ratatouille with the kiddos we all wanted to know what it tasted like!

When reading a magazine I dog ear the pages that are interesting. My copy of Everyday is full of dog ears. She has a ton o' ice cream recipes this month- Cinnamon Peach, Mint Chip, Candy Jar, and more! She even gives tips on making great homemade ice cream. One of the best is to avoid rock-hard fruit chunks by cooking the fruit first. My Dad makes a mean raspberry pecan, that tip brought back the taste memories, y u m.

Yesterday I made a salad from my garden greens. It was time to thin the lettuce, so I used those tender young leaves along with the oak leaf lettuce. The weather has been great for lettuce, hovering around 60 degrees with rain (not normal). After we went to a fancy restaurant where I had the best salad of my life (bread salad), I decided a little basil is wonderful in salads, so I included some of that too. It gets your nose excited about eating. Enjoying a salad is more likely when you have home grown tomatoes, I'm still waiting on those. They need hot weather, the lettuce needs cool; a garden-grown salad is elusive.

When DH and I get out for date night we don't frequent the same restaurant. We mix it up most of the time. (Maybe that will change when we get old enough to indulge in the "Senior Menu'.) One place we do return to is Outback Steakhouse. The biggest draw for us is the deep fried mushrooms, which aren't even on the menu anymore but they'll make them if you ask. Having the recipe is good, but even better is to have someone else grease up their kitchen for you, so we still eat at Outback. They have a great chopped salad and Salmon too.

DH and I never cease to be amazed at how saying "pop" can turn us into aliens. The pop vs. soda map shows why we're a little confused by the proper lingo to use when asking for carbonated drinks. (We've lived in UT, IN, CO & PA.)

A few weeks ago I joked about Pepsi Throwback. Since then I've thrown back a few myself. It brings back memories of my childhood, when Dad would arrive home from work with a fresh Pepsi from Metro Mart. All the kids would swarm him, not necessarily to say "Hi Dad!", but to say, "Can I have a sip of your pop?" (Cue the music - "I'm so glad when daddy comes home because then I drink his pop!") When DH became a part of my family he thought we were strange to so willingly share drinks. I thought his family was crazy not to order pop when eating at a restaurant, that is the best part!

February 03, 2009

We're fans of American Idol at our house. It seems silly to admit that we follow religiously and know who's who and how cruel Simon can be but have never voted. It's like we're consigned to the fate that Amercia thrusts upon us, or more appropriately upon the contestants. It's about as worthy of family viewing as anything out there, although we keep the >> on the ready for bikini girl and such nonsense. R's favorite group right now is Daughtry. I'm thinkin' David Cook sounds pretty good although I can't quite kick Sting off my #1 spot just yet. If he doesn't get rid of the Grizzly Adams look he'll be gone soon enough. Did you see this?

Did he get kicked out of the house or something? He looks homeless. But then I see this and he remains #1.

OK enough of worshipping false idols. Oh, hold on a minute..... .... Ok now I'm done. (I must apologize, I'm trying a new med today so I don't hold myself accountable for such silliness.)

Last night we were watching a DVR'd episode of American Idol and something stuck in my head. Simon asked someone, "Is this your passion?" I thought to myself, do I feel that way about anything? Would I stand in front of strangers and TV cameras with the possibility of crushing embarassment to give voice to my passion?

There are two things in my life that I would do that for; passions that are so embedded in my soul that any risk is worth it to give them wings- my family and psychology.

To some saying that my family is my passion is trite, so Polly Perfect and predicatable for a stay at home mom. I'm not following a set mold or trying to put on a face to impress. I honestly and truly feel intensely about being a wife and mother. I've shown my seriousness about these things by devoting my life to their fulfilment. But woman does not live by bread alone and this girl can't fill her soul with family to the exclusion of all else.

I have come to realize how much psychology lights my fire. It sounds crazy to say that I can't wait to counsel crazy people. Maybe my first client should be myself. I enjoy interacting with people, empathizing with thier circumstances, trying to see life through their eyes and imagining that I could say something, anything, to improve their situation in life. The theories of psychology capture my attention, I'm willing to struggle through reading professional lingo that I may not fully comprehend to stretch my mind around concepts about the mind and soul. It is interesting to find words to describe concepts I am familiar with but never was able to concretely name or describe.

As I write my research paper I am somewhat amazed at my growth in this field over just the last year. Reading a couple thousand pages and writing about a thousand more will do that for you. My research paper is required to be at least 10 pages long but as I write and research it's obvious that if I fulfill my outline I'm looking at 30 pages. Think I should curb my enthusiasm a little? I'm putting all my passion and desires for success into this paper. Creating a paper doll of passion, representing all I feel I can be if someone above is merciful enough to arrange the pieces into place so I'l be able to finish school and get a therapist's license. Some say having a goal and working towards it is more fulfilling than actually acheiving the goal. This will not be so for me, I want to help people. I enjoy learning but there is a purpose to it. I have no illusions about how difficult being a therapist will be, but for some reason, despite the fact that I've never done it and really don't know, I think I could be amazing at it.