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Bad relationships: The Andre and Eddie Editions

It’s been quite a week for me personally. I won’t go into all the details, but I’m single again. As it turns out, running the risk of publicly embarassing oneself by pouring out one’s heart out doesn’t work. In the end, I guess you can probably count on being kicked to the curb more than you can count on making a relationship work. Maybe my boy the Angry Independent – to my dismay – was more correct in his assessment of relationships than I was with mine. I’m just sorry I had to find out how wrong I was this way.

If you’re of the praying variety, please toss one or two up to God for me. This one may be a bit of a struggle for me. In fact, my love life in general is presenting itself as a living, breathing conflict.

But…moving on. Speaking of messed up relationships, if you thought the Eddie Long drama was over, think again:

There’s just no closure to this story, is there? And I thought I had relationship problems.

Anyway, after watching the clip above, I can glean a few things from the newest angle of this ongoing storyline:

(1) It’s pretty clear to me that this Centino Kemp dude and Fast Eddie have the same drug-influenced barber. Also, said barber should be dragged outside, tarred, and feathered. :-/

(2) Though it seems the media is bloodthirsty with their investigative reporting on the Eddie Long case, I believe them. And I believe the exchange between the two DID go down.

(3) This is what happens with figures of authority who are allowed to behave unchecked. A few months ago, friend and fellow pulpit pimp Crefalo Dollar defended Long from his accusations and took it a step further by addressing visitors from Long’s church pretty harshly. Likening Long’s problems to a “wreck”, Dollar spoke of hypocrisy and judging others, while at the same time conflating two important principles in our faith: forgiveness AND accountability. Bishop Long (and I use the term “Bishop” very loosely) didn’t just have a “wreck.” This wasn’t just some fender bender or hitting a bump in the road. Long, Dollar, and a sizable number of these pulpit pimps are guilty of the equivalent of a DUI; driving under the influence of power, ego, and a lack of accountability. Rather than accepting the accountability and responsibility that comes with being in their position, they quickly retreat to “Judge not, lest ye be judged” when they find themselves immersed in controversy. And then, when a person shifts gears from adamantly denying accusations in public to offering private settlements, forgiveness becomes a foreign concept. If you haven’t confessed your sins to those who deserve it, how can you truly expect their forgiveness?

(4) Finally, I feel for Long’s wife, in addition to the countless other casualities of their mate’s sordidness. I don’t know why she decided to be with Long; if it was out of true love, money, status, or whatever. The purpose of their union would likely impact the extent to which I sympathize with her. But being absent of that knowledge, I have to defer to the assumption she truly loves/loved him. In which case, she undeservedly had to endure the public embarassment from her husband’s indiscretions. I’ve been down that road – though obviously not on that scale. I can tell you, nothing is more hurtful than feeling betrayed and unwanted.

But candor dictating, I’m not shocked by anything anymore, particularly when it comes to the disfunction of human relationships. While it’s true I don’t carry the same cyncism inside me that I once did, I do realize the frailty of humans and what appears to be an inability to connect with one another on certain levels. There are undoubtedly success stories – and for a while I thought I had one – but they are too far and in between (especially with the people I know). Things just aren’t the way they were with our parents and grandparents.

OK, I’m gonna stop there. Before I lay down a series of blanketed statements and jaded views of the world, I’m going to belay those thoughts in favor of the belief that the world has NOT lost its mind and that positive relationships ARE attainable. For all the disappointing relationship I’ve had and – in no connection – for all the Eddie Longs of the world, all is not completely lost.

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12 comments on “Bad relationships: The Andre and Eddie Editions”

I totally feel and relate to your hurt. I think we all begin to wonder after awhile what in THEE HELL or WHEN IN THEE HELL when the real thing come along? I’m praying for you and me, that God may reveal what He wants us to know about ourselves and love. Love you, Andre!

This Bishop long mess is just getting too ridiculous for me to care about any more. So I’ll leave it there.

But I didn’t know you and your girlfriend broke up!!! I’m soooo sorry to hear that. I was sure she was the right one for you. I’m sorry that’s not the case. Keep your chin up! Like Joslyn said, God will reveal what you need to know when you need to know it. I’m praying for your strength during this difficult time.

Good post, Dre. Like Cynthia, I could care less about the Eddie Long saga. The real part of this post worth mentioning (and honestly, should’ve been separated from that Long crap) is you. I’m also very sorry things didn’t work out. When I saw your post about a year ago dedicated to your lady, I was pretty sure this was the one for you. But look at it this way: God saw otherwise. Still, I’m sorry to hear the news.

I can see some of your hardships in me during the last few relationships I was in before God sent my wife. Don’t internalize this Dre, as the problems you may have experienced are usually NEVER just one-sided. Take some time and reflect, as you said “glean” some things from this, and move on.

So sorry to read about your breakup. I feel awful for you. Still I was just reflecting on Matthew 6; “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and all these things shall be added on to you”. I believe totally that as we lean on God for our direction and surrender to Him, resting in Him, He will also give us what we need in the way of love – often in ways we will have not expected.

Sorry to hear about your situation. But you are an eligible bachelor, with a good job, and you have something to offer. You are probably in better shape than you think. Move on.

At least you are not approaching 40, basically out of time… (like me), struggling to hold on by your fingernails. There is always someone worse off. (have you seen my last commentary on being single. Dating has reached a point of being too hard – particularly for men w/ brown skin – especially with the current economic situation… so hard that I don’t even bother.). I have always been single… so I can’t say I can empathize with your situation… but I can remind you that you at least have options.

Hey Dre,
Sorry to hear about your troubles. Take some solace in knowing that at least you found out before there were kids, marriage and home involved. Someone once said a great piece of relationship advice that I have since stolen, “Opposite personalities attract, opposite morality will eventually repel.” Wait for the person that shares your values and you will be glad you waited.