We´re in a cage, you wally! You´re living a nightmare and I´m dying of hunger! And I´m going to miss the Halloween Party if I haven´t already missed it!There´s no telling what time it is in this timeless place! And I´m so extenuated I don´t even have the strength to protest shouting!

Curmudgeon! How could you? Let these children go immediately. You don´t have a license to kidnap children. You´re not an ogre! Give me the keys to the cages before I regret having recommended you to Mr. Hobbs for this job.

I´m organizing an auction to raise funds for this library. To refurbish the guard´s cottage we live in. Pools, tennis courts, a stable for thoroughbred racehorses, etc. And I need money to pay myself a pension for my old age, one that will satisfy my needs, which from now on will be many.So, I´m going to auction the verbal tenses.

This is how it works. Whoever buys a tense becomes the rightful owner of everything that is said, or sang or written in it. If you buy a book that is all in the present simple, you are the copyright holder of that book, no matter who held the right before the auction. We´ll start from zero. Of course if a book is written in different tenses, the owner of the said tenses will have to wheel and deal and pact.

Exactly. They are a res nullius. Or were, until I claimed them. The law is clear on that. If you find something that doesn´t belong to anyone, it´s yours. First come first served. So the verbal tenses are mine and I´m going to auction off a few because I need cash, but whatever I choose to sell, I will keep the past simple for myself because I heard somewhere it is used the most when telling stories. So don´t any of you open your mouths or you´ll be paying me for what you say.