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Friday, October 12, 2012

Doing the "Poopie" Dance

It has been to long…
It has been to hard…
And there had to be too many difficult decisions to be
made…

Down the drain and/ or toilet bowl goes the “upbeat
attitude” for the fifth time that day because another set of pain killers did
not want to do their trick and since going to the bathroom and trying to
perform a solid #2 (which yes can actually be a relief for some people,
especially after 10 days…) Life just starts slipping away…

And it did.

Somewhere on or around the 14th day of this
past beautiful September month Bastiaan “stuffed” me in the BMW. I wasn’t
really at the point of complaining anymore, I was just ready to head for the
biggest besets tree and show everybody that I was NOT afraid of dying but that
this pain & suffering and hurtfulness needed to stop. For everybody!Not just me…

Of course I did not drive, and we arrived safely at the
hospitalwith Dr Nala, She was fast, no
crazy questions, no accusations, only understanding and a,” what are we going to
do now attitude?!”About three weeks
before this horrible Thursdays we had started the new drug: Yeroy (Maybe you
have seen the pics on my Facebook website as well as the Love For Leontien site,
Thank you girls!) and we were feeling good about it.

Yervoy is a biologic therapy so it it’s not a “chemo” and
it works differently but the main goal of course is the same:to “kill” all the little nasty cells and live
a long and happy life. But three weeks into the therapy I had was having some
pain in my shoulder. I did not think
much of it because, me being me, I just felt the need to mow the ENTIRE yard
the day before… Well… we have a really
nice lawnmower and the sun was just about down , it was a good day… so I thought why not…?
Besides the side effects were not that bad, a little nauseated, tired,
constipated, a little of everything but nothing really worth mentioning… I was
doing fine…

But I really did feel a little “whipped” after I got off
of the lawnmower, but no worries…No
“little” lawn is going to bring me down!

We decided that we could start with round two of the Yervoy,
because the pain in the shoulder was pretty annoying but I still thought it was
going to be OK and the side effects were doable. The only thing that worried me
a bit was that I had all these little “spots” popping up, like, they were
everywhere.But Dr Nala explained that
it was a normal side effect and they had seen that happen in different patients
before.

And then the pain got worse…

Bastiaan was on the phone every day with the doctor’s
office to see if there was something we could use to make sure the pain went
away. But it didn’t. And then I stopped eating. Well, I wasn’t going to the
bathroom no more, and everything that did go down were pills and crackers while
trying not to puke them back up…

The really bad part was when I did not know how to lie down
anymore, that’s when you know you’re in trouble. If you don’t know how to sit,
lay, stand, hold yourself anymore that’s when your hubby says “enough is
enough” and will take you to the hospital.Even though you still think you can though it out…

That day Dr Nala looked at me for 2 seconds and says you are
staying here with us.

By nightfall we had done all kinds MRI’s and CAT scans,
and other tests and they had put me on some serious pain medication. And then
morning came…

And results…

Seven weeks ago my brain was clean/clear/empty (yes,I doremember joking about it being blond and all…) in other words it was
fine…

It is not fine anymore. They found little cherry tomato
size tumors in my head. And not just
one, no there were five of them, besides
multiple little ones. Also the found out why I had so much pain in my shoulder,
it was because some other little tumor waspressing up against a nerve in my spinal column which caused the excruciating
pain. We did decide that day that we
were going to do radiation on the head as well as the spinal cord, because the
chance of me getting into major problems with one of those brain tumors was just to
big. Doing the radiation on the spinal cord was an “easier” decision because it
would mean, hopefully, less pain…

We did 10 days of radiation (I even got my Certificate,
that I completed the treatment, whoohoo!!!)

We started eating again as soon as Saturday! But only the
GOOD stuff, like fresh fruit, whipped cream, fries, chocolate cake, chips, you
get the picture…

And yes after 13 days of not being able to go to the
bathroom I have to say actually did a little “poopie” dance!!! On the toilet,
by myself… didn’t think anybody needed to see that… but I did it anyway!

Bastiaan took me home
It was a good day…

A lot has happened since and I am really trying to get
everything on paper, but currently I am on 20 different medicines and I sleep a
lot. If I am not sleeping we have been so blessed with family and friends that
come on over or take the time to write or call, so our house is never really
empty…

And I do look at theFlowers for Leontien Page& The Love for Leontien Page (please go and have a look!) a lot and
that I haven’t written you does not mean I forgot about you it just means I’m
running out of time… Thank you so so much for your support,I really would have been a little bit lost
without all of your prayers and kind words…

Since getting out of the hospital and now a lot has happened yet again... And i am not quite ready yet to put that down on paper so you have to bear with me, yet again... a little bit longer...

Oh girl, I loved hearing from you but hate to know what you are going through. You are an inspiration...and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts! I, too, pray for strength for you and your entire family.

It is so good to hear from you, though I am sorry that you are fighting new challenges. Your phenomenal spirit shines through even when you are sharing difficult news. Please know that you are not forgotten....wishing you pain free days and healing.

I've been worried for you. I'm so grateful to see your post. I can only imagine the trials you have been through. Yet you make the time to write to us. I love you for that. I really really hope that you recover soon.You are so beautiful.Big hugs

I have been thinking about you a lot lately!! I am so sorry things have been so difficult for you recently. As I landed on this page, I looked to the right at your profile and the third word you used to describe yourself? Stubborn. Yep. You're the good kind of stubborn! :) Stay determined. Thank god for Bastiaan-- he certainly has been a rock. I hesitate to say this last part, it can be a sensitive subject for some but I think I absolutely have to say it. You're totally rocking that bald look! You look so fresh and pure and BEAUTIFUL. I love your blue eyes. Keep wearing those panties and we will keep you in our prayers.

Greetings from VA. Our prayers join those of many others from all over. I am so sorry to hear about the recent turn of events. Just know that there are many, many people who care!!! Hugs!!! Best wishes for pain free days.

Oh MY dear Leontien I am sitting here crying feeling your pain you are one stubborn chick and I love that about you but the whole lawn:)I pray for you and your family and you should never wonder if you are being missed because the answer is yes but please do not think of us, take care of you.You are the strongest woman I know and I must admit have the most beautiful bald shaped head I have ever seen. I am trying to keep this comment light as you need to think positive and smile and laugh. But I still think your head is beautiful:)Take care my dear Leontien you are truly loved and I am sending you all the hugs and prayers I can possibly gather up. xxoo B

Oh, sweet one! I have thought so much about you, hoping that things were improving. I enjoyed seeing the beautiful photos of you and your hubby. Thank you for updating us. Hoping and praying you win this war. ((((Hugs))))

My dear friend, you are an amazing and strong person. I don't know if I could endure all that you have gone through. I hope by the time you read this you will be feeling so much better. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care and do let us know how you are.♥♥♥

Leontien, it was so good to see that you had posted a blog. I yelled at Clint, "Leontien has a new post!" I am so sorry to read about the pain, I sure hope it is under control now. Hopefully you are resting comfortably and have one of your sweet cats nearby. They are so comforting to hold and pet and to feel their purring vibration, well ... you know exactly what I mean. :-) A whole lot of love and hugs being sent your way! Please keep us up to date, we love you!

Leo, I am in awe of you everyday - because of my patients I know the struggles you face. I am sending my love and I am up here in MI doing the poopie dance with you! If you would like to know more aobut what we talked about before (when I was down this summer) just call or write. I think now may be the time. xoxo, Jenn

your strength never ceases to amaze me, leontien. i wish all of God's good graces on you and your whole family, and look forward to when your posts return to the silly stories of riding horses or coming to america. when cancer is nothing but a fading memory.

Dear Leontian, I'm so sorry about all the hardship you have been through since the last time I read about you.

You are getting more than your share of pain and I'm so glad that you have a loving husband and family and friends to support you.

I sincerely hope that you will get better and I am still praying for you every night on my knees, for healing.

It's true that God gives strength in suffering but you have been strong for so long. I felt like you when I was told that I would die of cancer. I wasn't afraid to die because I realized that I had my back against a brick wall with nowhere to go. I felt helpless and at least heaven should be better than all that suffering.

That's when I resigned myself to the will of God as I prayed to Jesus to take me if it was his will or to heal me if it was his will and I felt a blessed peace after I surrendered to his will. God has no desire to see us suffer just like a parent doesn't want his child to suffer.I guess God didn't wanted to take me yet so He let me live and it has been 10 years now.

I almost forgot to mention about how beautiful you look with those beautiful blue eyes and I love the pictures of both of you together.

Dear Leontine, you are never far from my thoughts. So, so sorry that you have suffered so much pain, I wish there was a magic wand I could wave for you. You are one strong lady :o)The photo of you and Bastiaan is truly beautiful.Sending you love and support from across the pond.{{hugs}}Rose Hxx

Leontine.....God is with you, every step of your journey. Trust in Him...give Him your burdens. He will be there every minute to hold you. He has given you family, friends, acquaintances, e-friends, etc. to pray for you, and to help support you along your journey. You are never alone!! You are loved!

One more thing. I'm a huge fan of poop. That may sound crazy, but if you aren't doing it, you definitely understand why it's important. With all the medications you are on and all the different side effects of medications, when they build up in your system, from not being able to go, is a bad, bad thing. You become toxic in so many ways. Hope you can find some (continued) relief in that department.

Leontien...thank you for sharing your status with us...we needed an update. There are people all around the world who have you in their thoughts. You have the strength of a super hero. Big hugs from Skoog Farm. Smooches too.

It is so nice to hear an update from your - but I am sorry to hear of all that you have been suffering. You are such a pretty lady with your beautiful blue eyes - I really love your pictures.Please know that I am thinking of you and sending you a huge hug.

You have the most beautiful blue eyes! Thanks for sharing with us yet again enough though it isn't good news it is good to hear from you. I hate everything that you are going through. I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ touches and heals you of everything that is going on.

CONGRATULATIONS on being able to do the poopie dance" !!!! and Im wishing you many many more in a good way :) AND Buttons is right; you have the most beautiful shaped head ever - you can so carry that vogue look with hair (love the first shot!) or without when you use those gorgeous blue eyes of yours to stare us down(looove the second photo too)Your Bastiaan loves you so - those photos are wonderful!

wishing you all the rest, pooping and pain relief that you need, friend...

Beautiful Leontien, thank you so much for writing to us. I've been praying and thinking about you. The photos of you and your hubby show a beautiful and loving couple. I wish I could take away this trial that you are going through. You are an amazing young woman and a strong one, too, to have been through so much. I will continue to pray for you, sweet lady. And I'm sending love and big hugs to you!! God bless you.Cheryl

Leontien, I'm really at a lost for words & don't quite know what to say. This has been a real battle for you. Even though we all send encourament and prayers we can't hardly imagine the pain you are going through. However, I will continue to pray ask God to have mercy upon you. Stay strong, beautiful and most of all postive. Sending lots of {{{Hugs}}} and ♥♥♥ your way.

I look every day to see if you've posted. Today a post was there and I said a silent ":YES". I read your account of this time with a heavy heart. You are so brave and have endured so much! You're on my prayer list every day and I pray God's blessing in coping with all the adversity and terrible chronic pain. I admire you hubby too who stands by you so loyally. Hugs and warm thoughts come with this post.

I look for your posts every day and I was so happy when I saw there was one today. You are one tough young woman and I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. I'm glad you have your loving husband and so much support from near and far. We all love you, you know that. May God bless you. Sending love and hugs.

I've been thinking about you and wondering what was going on. I was happy to see that you posted but my heart hurts because of all you have endured Leontien. But I'm sure you know how many of us are praying for you. And mowing the grass? That sounds like something I would do. Sometimes we just don't let anything stop us. Good for you! Love, Hugs and many prayers my friend. Love Di ♥

Dear Leontien, It's so good to see you post again. Since I'm not on facebook this is the only way I have to know what is happening with you. I have to tell you, I read this post the other night after you posted it. I cried and just didn't know what to say. I think of you often and keep you in my prayers. You have motivated me to listen to my doctor and keep my check ups with the dermatologist every three months. Thank you for having the courage to share all that you are going through with us. You are an amazing woman, with all that you deal with day and night you are still thinking of others. :)I have to say you are beautiful in these photos.Hugs and love,Marie

Leontien, you are an inspiration for me and I am sure others as well. I send you all good wishes and energy from Nova Scotia in the north Atlantic. Thanks you for taking me along your journey and how you have managed to keep writing about it.Jim

your so brave and gorgeous. a true inspiration. I wish you didn't have to suffer what you've been through. my thoughts are with you. across the ocean, from Portugal (Europe) a huge hug. thank you for letting us know how you're doing. means a lot sweet Leontien. xxo

Ah Leontien. Each day as I visit my best friendd who is fighting pancreatic cancer I think of your similar struggle and courage. He lives close by and you far away but I do what I can and then pray for both of you.....

I send You Finnish northern strength and angels to help You! I have had friends and family members having the same struggle as You, so I know a little what You are going through.. it is too hard for anyone. Now You are in my thoughts here in Finland!

Leontien,I have just read about you at Maple Lane and came to check what it was about. I will be happy to 'bear with you' very much longer; please fight! I will pray for you, too, in faraway Uzbekistan (do you know where it is? come and visit us when you feel good - I know you WILL feel good; I will show you so many lovely places!). You are a wonderful person, and very beautiful, and I love stubborn determined women. Trying to be like that, too.

I have hopped over from Skoog farm, and in New Zealand words " Kia Kaha", be strong.Your blog is an inspiration to us all, and this last week after my Hugh had a heart attack, I now know just how very much the comments,words, hugs, comfort sent over the miles are such a support . All greetings sent with hugs from Jean, ( alias Nancy J)

I am here via Theresa, (Texwis Girl), and would like to add my voice to all of the others wishing you strength & marveling at your ability to soldier through all of this. Sending healing thoughts your way.

Oh dear sweet Leontien,You have been in my thoughts. i am so sorry honey, for all the pain you have suffered. My heart goes out to you. You have been and are faced with heartbreaking information. I wish I had the power to make it better, and it brings tears to my eyes that I cannot. Sending you loving thoughts, and wishes for pain free sleep.((hugs)) and ((more hugs))xoxox,

I have just read your page and want to join in with thoughts and prayers on your behalf.. I know its very hard for you, but how you seize the day is so positive I am sure it helps fight those nasty tumours as well as all the meds.. thinking of you, sending hope and best wishes and many hugs from across the pond.janzi

Our sweetest LeontienI want to let you know- that your spirit has touched so many of us deeply.Constantly we think of you- and wish you well- I hope you know we all love you and wish you did not have so many struggles.We also ask God for strength -for your wonderful husband too.lovetweedles

Even on your worse day, you are beautiful. Even on your worse day, you are inspiring. Even on your worse day, your writing is meaningful. Even on your worse day, you are loved, cherished and prayed for by many.

Hello Leontien. I am here via TexWis Girl. Loved Daniel's idea that we all do the "Poopie dance" with you, Gangnam style (I'd have to take lessons :) I am in awe of the way chronicling your journey has brought so many of us together from across the world. With all of us sending love to you and Bastiaan, I should think there must be quite a healing power there, especially in combination with the strength the two of you are managing to summon from the depths of your pain. We can wait for as long as it takes, so put your energy into storing up all that love!

Dear Leontien... sending you much love... and healing energy... you don't know me, but it doesn't matter... love is love and kindness is kindness and people are people and really we are just ONE heart beating together.

I pray that you will experience some ease from the pain and that the out pouring of love from so many people will comfort you and your wonderful husband too.

I just saw your name yesterday on one of my favorite blogs, and then again this morning upon visiting another dear blogger.

I have no words to offer after reading this, only a prayer in my heart for you, for all of us, who in one way or another, are on a path to the very same destination. After reading your post, I am reminded about HOW I live, not how LONG I want to live or what I need to amass before my time is over, but HOW TO LIVE. I KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN too focused on things that will not matter when real pain starts to happen in my life. What you share here is eye-opening and I hope will live in me so I can remember HOW TO BEHAVE in all weather.

Came from Bettys blog.You certainly have been thru the mill my dear, You really have the guts and fighting spirit to beat this, really admire you for this.Our prayers and thoughts, are sent with best wishes to you and DH..Look after each other. Take care.

I found a link to your blog on another blog and thought I'd drop by and try and give you some encouragement. I really don't know what to say and you'd think I'd be an expert by now. My son is also dealing with cancer and has recently relapsed again, but is now on a new drug. We live from scan to scan. All I can say is that cancer sucks. (Excuse my French, but there's no nice way to say it.) My prayers are with you. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and cure all cancer.

Dear Leontien, I came to your blog from Inger's. She wrote about you in a posting I read there today. Your posting leaves me in awe of your fortitude. Blessings on you and on all whose lives you touch with your courage and your good will. Peace.

We are sisters in the trouble. I had an cancer for eleven years. On tomorrow I'll meet the doctor to know the results of the last scans. But I am older than you and I think that you are too young to know that. But you are very courageous. God helps you !

I'm glad that I came over to visit you from CJ's (Scriptor Senex) blog.You are a sweet brave woman, and I admire his about you. Even though you are going through pain right now, you have filled me with an abundance of hope and inspiration.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and wish you a peaceful recovery.Glad you were able to do the Poopie Dance. You rock the bald style too!!Blessings.

About Me

Fresh. Determined. Stubborn. Worried. Blessed!
Love living life in Indiana with my husband and family. Had an American Dream about milking cows, hugging my Black Stallion and drive my BMW on dusty back roads with the music cranked up. And being blessed with all of that! Also trying to kick cancer in the buttocks with some scull panties and the help of family & friends. Love to read books, talk lots and find new ways to express myself…

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Leontien and Four Leaf Clover Tales, 2010 -2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's autor and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Leontien and Four Leaf Clover Tales with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.