With just a few keystrokes, you can quickly convey laughter, disbelief,
and other complex emotions on the Net. Here's the lingo you need to
know.

When someone tells you a hilarious joke, you're likely to respond by slapping your thigh, throwing your head back, and chortling with abandon. Should you discover that same joke in your e-mail in-box, however, you're likely to respond with LOL, LMAO, ROTFL, or in the event of extreme mirth, by ROTFLMAO.

If you're new to chat rooms, instant messaging, or e-mail, the above acronyms may seem vaguely official or even intimidating. Relax. Those particular alphabet-soup concoctions simply mean laughing out loud (LOL), rolling on the floor laughing (ROTFL), and laughing my, er, ankles off (LMAO). They're just a few examples of the everyday cyberspace shorthand used to convey laughter and anger, approval and disapproval, love and hate--and everything in between--with a few quick keystrokes.

In addition to acronyms, cyberspace slang also consists of an almost endless assortment of emoticons. An emoticon is a combination of letters, symbols, or numbers that paint a picture (often when viewed sideways). For instance, :) is one of the most popular emoticons, used to represent a smiley face. If :) still doesn't make sense, tilt your head to the left.

Acronyms and emoticons have become the hieroglyphics of a hurried generation. They're informal, often clever, and they save time. But they aren't always appropriate. For instance, sprinkling emoticons throughout a message to a potential employer isn't a good idea--unless the employer is an 18-year-old chat-room habitué. And like any slang, the use of acronyms and emoticons can make those who don't know them feel excluded. So always be considerate about where you use Internet shorthand--and how often.

The following glossary will help you decipher the most commonly used acronyms and emoticons. Plus, we've thrown in a few favorite, exotic examples of each. And because we just couldn't stop ourselves, we've come up with a few pop-culture-inspired acronyms we'd like to see. The possibilities are endless, but if you use your own home-grown acronyms or emoticons, don't forget to explain them to your readers.

Best emphasized by raising your eyebrows, placing one hand on a hip and with the other hand, wagging your index finger warningly--though, of course, your readers will have to imagine that part.

dqydj Don't quit your day job

Or as they say on The Sopranos, 'fagiddaboudit.'

tmi Too much information

An appropriate response to someone who claims their dog likes to eat the furballs their cat coughs up.

Acronyms We Wish Existed (and Possibly Do)

bmus Beam me up, Scotty

From Star Trek.

fmdidgad Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind.

fysbigtbabn Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night

Bette Davis, All About Eve.

gmdts Give my daughter the shot!

Shirley MacLaine, Terms of Endearment.

hlvb Hasta la vista, baby!

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terminator 2.

mmd Make my day

Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry, Sudden Impact.

rutus Round up the usual suspects

Claude Rains, Casablanca.

yt2m You talking to me?

Robert De Niro, Taxi Driver.

Everyday Emoticons

:) Smile

:( Frown

;) Wink

:o Shocked

?-( Black eye

(((Insert name here))) A cyberhug for the person whose name is surrounded by parentheses

:P Disgusted

The P indicates a protruding tongue.

5:) Elvis

@>--;-- A rose

Favorite Exotic Emoticons

:-E Bucktoothed vampire

:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing

:-.) Cindy Crawford

*<) :o) Clown

O-) Cyclops

:-! Foot in mouth

@:-} Just back from the hairdresser

{:- Wears a toupee

@@@@:-) Marge Simpson

:8) Pig

:-8 Talking out of both sides of your mouth

More Shorthand Slang Online

Hungry for more? The Internet is full of sites that catalog emoticons and acronyms. Here are a few:

AOL subscribers can visit AOL's Computer Center as a starting point. Within the Computer Center channel, click the Fun Stuff tab, then select the Online Fun button, and click the Learn to :) and LOL Online link. You'll find a list of the basic acronyms and emoticons.

NetLingo offers one of the most comprehensive lists of acronyms.

The Correspondence Area of the Primitive Baptist Web Station gives a simple, bare-bones guide to the most common emoticons and acronyms.

The Ultimate Chatlist provides a no-frills but exhaustive list of emoticons.

UselessKnowledge.com combines a brief acronym usage history and glossary with a list of the more commonly used emoticons.

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