Best Band to Send Jehovah's Witnesses Fleeing From Your Yard

Midnight

With such Satan-salutin' rippers as "All Hail Hell," "Turn Up the Hell," and "Take You to Hell" - notice a trend? - Midnight is the sound of holy rollers hitting the deck. A nasty one-man metal band, Midnight offers devolved thrash that sounds like the '90s never happened. Over randy, grinding guitar and primal rhythms, Athenar lets loose with a pained bark that sounds as if he's getting his limbs severed with a rusty lawn-mower blade. Owning Complete and Total F@#cking Midnight, Midnight's recent collection of EPs and seven-inches, will damn you to hell for all eternity, but hey, at least you'll never have to hear from Switchfoot again.