Arvind Mahankali, this year’s National Spelling Bee Champ, is 13-years old. Since he is just a 13-year old kid who spent the week spelling words most people will never actually use in a sentence, he hasn’t learned how to experience things like “emotion.” I mean, he just stood there like a stone after winning $30,000 and – Wait. What? $30,000? Cash? How can a 13-year old win a $30,000 cash prize? We now know why no Scripps National Spelling Bee champions ever go on to play collegiate sports. They are immediately ruled ineligible.

To Mahankali’s credit, he turned on the charm when Samantha Ponder came over to interview him. You ladies like physics …?