.

Just because your pet kitty doesn't usually mind going for short rides in the car doesn't mean you should take him with you when you take the kids to school.

And, just because you forgot to do it last night doesn't mean you should take the opportunity to run the car through the car wash after dropping the kids off at school while aforementioned kitty is still inhabiting the car.

And, just because of the ripped up seats, involuntary bowel movements and unholy shrieking (causing people to stare at me in horror), doesn't mean you should shove the cat in the middle console in hopes he will calm down and shut up.

Don't assume the middle console cannot be destroyed from the inside.

Don't assume you can remove the cat from the console without having your clothes torn from your body.

Don't assume the kitty's eyes will stop rolling.

Don't assume the vet will not look at you funny.

Don't assume the doctor will not look at you funny.

Don't assume your husband and mother-in-law won't notice the diarrhea stains, then look at you funny.

Don't assume that your children will be able to sit in the car without hanging their heads out the open windows whilst gagging and choking.

Don't assume that these guys will be able to remove the poo aromas but do assume it will cost an arm and a leg.

And don't expect your friends to be sympathetic, "You're not having much luck with cats lately, are you?"

The Ready Store

Hilariosity...

Daughter: Mum tried to throw me off the top of the Empire State Building but there's a fence around it so she couldn't.--------------------

Son: What was Jesus' real name?

--------------------

Son: (At the Christmas tree lighting ceremony) What's happening now?Mother: They're about to light the tree.Son: On FIRE?(It's hard to adequately portray the glee with which this was said.)--------------------Daughter: Who is Tiger Woods?

Sister: May I have some of your cake?Sister: From the bottom of my bottomless stomach... NO.--------------------Son: (observing the High School classrooms) I know why the windows don't open. So the kids can't escape.--------------------Son: (upon discovery of contraband in pants pocket) I was just looking at it! Only a gangster would take a cap gun to church!--------------------Daughter: Hey! You can't copy what I wrote! That's polygamy!--------------------Daughter: Isn't Mark Twain like, "old" and "dead"?--------------------Grandmother: I'm 84 but I've got a good life... I've got my family, I've got my friends... Wait, no! All my friends is dead!--------------------Sister: I'm going to open the door but I'm sitting on the toilet so don't look, ok?Brother: okSister: I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK!Brother: But you're blocking the view!--------------------Sister: I spoke to her and she agreed.Sister: Is she awake?Sister: No, I talked to her self-consciously.--------------------13 yr old Daughter: What do I do with the bun in the oven?Mother: ...choke...--------------------Child: It's the shape of a box, only it's round.----------------------Child: Can I have some chocolate?Mother: Eat lunch first.Child: I did.Mother: What did you have?Child: Nothing.