“Blopens?! I would’ve never dropped out if we had these in school,” said Lindsay Lohan somewhere.

Blopens are still around today, but their golden age was in the 90s. The Blopen is a mind-blowing magical invention that lets us blow our way to HIGH ART. The Blopen is the Jem! of markers, because on one side is just a regular marker (Jerrica Benton) and when you turne it around it becomes a magnificent wand of pure magic (Jem!). I never used a Blopen as a kid, but I used one when I got older. I created a sloppy spit mess. You’d think I’d be good at blowing. I bet that the Blopen was also a gateway drug for a lot of kids. If you inhaled real quick, you’d probably get a little buzz.

And as far as I know, nowhere on the Internet exists a video of a now-grown 90s kid sticking their old Blopen up their ass to make gorgeous fart art. The Internet has disappointed me.

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