LiAngelo Asks If “Steals” Can Be Added To Otherwise Poor Stat Sheet

HANGZHOU—After being apprehended for stealing merchandise from a store in China, LiAngelo Ball was left wanting to know if these “steals” could be added to his stat sheet. “I mean, I’m nowhere near as good as Lonzo is, so I need these stats to pad my otherwise bad record,” said LiAngelo, calculating his other brother LaMelo’s high school basketball numbers simultaneously. “I mean I stole a lot of stuff, more than I ever would on a basketball court,” Gelo boasted proudly, “three pens, a couple of deluxe stuffed panda bears, seven packs of Snickers with Chinese lettering, a bag of chips with a dragon on it, I mean come on.” At press time, LiAngelo plans to appeal to the NCAA whether he can translate his arrest record into flagrant fouls.