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Topic : 04/23 How to Escape a Bad Marriage

Number of Replies: 26

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Created on : Friday, April 17, 2009, 09:45:51 am

Author : DrPhilBoard1

If you're a woman living in constant fear of an abusive mate, Dr. Phil dedicates this show to you. He documents the tumultuous journey of a mother of four who flees to a shelter to escape what she says is a violent marriage. When Star last appeared on the show, she admitted that she was addicted to prescription drugs and was unfaithful to her husband, Isaac. Now clean and sober for seven months, she says that her problems are just beginning. Star says Isaac is verbally abusive to her and their kids, and he chokes her, slaps her, leaves bruises on her arms and feet and has threatened her life. Dr. Phil cameras follow the fearful mom as she makes the toughest decision of her life. Then, Isaac, who doesn’t know where his wife or children are staying, speaks to Dr. Phil via telephone. Hear his side of the story. Will he reconcile with his wife? Plus, Dr. Phil sits down with Star's 12-year-old daughter. Find out how she says the alleged violence at home affects her. And, if you're in an abusive relationship, Dr. Phil’s steps for escaping could help save your sanity … and your life.

Please note: Star is in a safe and secure location, and not at the location listed on the shelter's Web site.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

Yesterday is missing!

disappointed in Dr. Phil

When Star was first on the show admitting she was an addict and needed help, Dr. Phil wasnt very empathetic towards her. He kept bringing up what she was doing. He was more empathetic and supportive with her abusive husband Issac by saying if you need help just call. She was probably abused in some way before becoming an addict, probably contributing to her depression and use of pain meds. Almost all addicted women have been abused. Ive been in her place and could feel her pain and didnt think Dr. Phil was supportive.

FYI

If you are in an abusive relationship and decide to seek a peace order (no contact order) be warned - approximately a year ago there was a case in our area where a young woman obtained a peace order against her live-in boyfrient/father of her child which went VERY wrong. Her boyfriend violated the order, went to her apartment, stabbed her to death and fled. He was traced to a nearby town where he was confronted by a young police officer who had been informed of what was taking place. Before back-up officers arrived this man shot and killed the young officer. There are some abusive men out there who will violate an order to abstain from contacting the woman they are abusing. For your own sake, seek a safe hiding place and professional help before completely trusting in a no contact order. You may save your own life and quite possibly that of another innocent person or even your child or some family member.

YEAH RIGHT

If you are in an abusive relationship and decide to seek a peace order (no contact order) be warned - approximately a year ago there was a case in our area where a young woman obtained a peace order against her live-in boyfrient/father of her child which went VERY wrong. Her boyfriend violated the order, went to her apartment, stabbed her to death and fled. He was traced to a nearby town where he was confronted by a young police officer who had been informed of what was taking place. Before back-up officers arrived this man shot and killed the young officer. There are some abusive men out there who will violate an order to abstain from contacting the woman they are abusing. For your own sake, seek a safe hiding place and professional help before completely trusting in a no contact order. You may save your own life and quite possibly that of another innocent person or even your child or some family member.

I WAS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP FOR 22 YRS. AND WHEN THE POLICE WERE CALLED NOTHING WAS DONE. IT ONLY MADE THE SITUATION WORSE. HE HAD MADE THREATS ON MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF MY CHILDREN. I HAD NO SUPPORT GROUPS OR FAMILY TO CALL. I WAS ON MY OWN. I TRIED TO LEAVE SEVERAL TIMES BUT HE STOPPED ME. TELLING ME THAT IF I LEFT HE WOULD FIND ME AND KILL ME IN FRONT OF MY KIDS. THE ONLY WAY I WAS ABLE TO GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP WAS HE DIED IN PRISON ON UNRELATED CHARGES. GO FIGURE.

NOW WOMEN ARE ABLE TO CONTACT GROUPS AND SHELTERS FOR HELP. I WISH I HAD BEEN THAT LUCKY.

BUT THAT PART OF MY LIFE I HAVE TRIED TO PUT BEHIND ME. I STILL HAVE A HAUNTED PAST AND IT ENGULFS ME FROM TIME TO TIME. BUT I WILL SURVIVE.

The Children of Abusive Marriages

The children of abusive marriages are quite commonly lost in the fray. While it is EXTREMELY important for women to get out and get themselves and children to a safe place, they should not forget that their children saw and heard the abuse (and quite often were abused themselves). It is important for the children to receive mental health care as quickly as possible after getting to a safe place. As an adult woman who, as a child, lived in an abusive home, I know what it is like when people do not let you express your anger, shame, and grief at having lived in such an environment. It is also very important that the mother not deny that the abuse occurred. My step-father, apparently, stopped physically hurting my mother and they are still together. But she denies the abuse and minimizes the name calling. This only re-victimizes the child! Remember that children are a part of the abusive relationship as well and need healing too.

Star's location

Thank you for posting the notice that Star isn't at the location listed on the shelter's website. . . . .It concerned me the moment you mentioned the name of the administrator, Lynn Moriarity ~ I quickly google searched her name and came up with a location in Palm Desert.. . . .surely the husband would do the same if he is indeed sinister.

The real problem

The children of abusive marriages are quite commonly lost in the fray. While it is EXTREMELY important for women to get out and get themselves and children to a safe place, they should not forget that their children saw and heard the abuse (and quite often were abused themselves). It is important for the children to receive mental health care as quickly as possible after getting to a safe place. As an adult woman who, as a child, lived in an abusive home, I know what it is like when people do not let you express your anger, shame, and grief at having lived in such an environment. It is also very important that the mother not deny that the abuse occurred. My step-father, apparently, stopped physically hurting my mother and they are still together. But she denies the abuse and minimizes the name calling. This only re-victimizes the child! Remember that children are a part of the abusive relationship as well and need healing too.

I escaped almost 10 years ago. The real problem is that the Judge in Wyoming county PA has subjected my children to visitation with the monster ever since. If I had known I would have stayed to protect them.

Thank you, Dr. Phil!

Today's show was a MUST SEE for every woman. Several years ago I married The Man of My Dreams who became My Worst Nightmare. Originally charming, loving, appreciative, and compatible, he suddenly transformed into a man who was excessively controlling, verbally/physically abusive, distrustful, accusing, demeaning, and violent. The man isolated me from family and friends; my resources were limited. Law enforcement did not help because I had no bruises or broken bones. Church leaders did not help because my husband talked to them before I did - he convinced them the problem was ME. After three years of living in fear, I was grateful when he left. We are now divorced and I am learning to live a life in peace.

My former husband fits the description for a paranoid schizophrenic or sociopath. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and an anger management problem. One counselor suspected an addition to pornography. My ex had an obsession with young girls. He has a long history of spending excessive amount of time on the Internet, contacting women via dating sites. Women seem to trust him because he works in health care. He is a dangerous individual and his next victim may be less fortunate than I.

You gave me additional peace today with your statement about female abuse victims becoming "emotionally broken." This was true for me. I have required intensive therapy and medication in order to stabilize my emotionality and begin the return path to a normal life. At long last I go to bed at night without fear that he will return and cause me harm.

Thank you again for the wonderful service you and your staff provide. Your counsel is timely and always makes sense.

Please continue to warn your female viewers of the dangerous predators who use the Internet to connect with their victims.

Be proud of yourself!

I just wanted to offer my emotional support to Star and her children. You should be very proud of yourself for your courage and strength. I hope that you and people close to you are giving you recognition for what you have just accomplished. Imagine your new life of happiness and freedom. Your children having friends over. You having close friends and family. Your new found confidence and ease of mood. The oppurtunities you have opened for your family is endless. Although you have a long road ahead for healing, court, self sufficency, you have really achieved the hardest and scariest goal! I was taken by a man I had started dating when I was 25 and wasnt able to escape until I was almost 30. I have two little children that really saved my life and then I saved thiers . So when you are feeling weak and feeling that guilt and shame just look at your children and know that you are doing this because you ARE strong enough and you and your family are worth it.