April 5, 2012

1. A centipede was crawling up the counter. A man came over and kicked it, and it wasn't crawling anymore.

2. A very large man with his back to us stood up and leaned over to pick up a newspaper from the other side of his table. His t-shirt hiked up, revealing 12 to 14 inches of naked ass crack above the waistband of his baggy jeans. The display continued at least 30 seconds and was repeated again later.

Centipede or was it perhaps a millipede? Why no pictures? I think we might have a taxonomy crisis.

Personally I would have caught him and let him go outside. Restaurants are not the natural habitat of centipedes, but my bed apparently is. One night I had just snuggled up to go to sleep and I felt a searing pain in my right calf. A four-inch centipede had bit me despite my Buddhist proclivities. I caught him and incarcerated him long enough for me to determine his species, and that I was not going to die soon of his bite. Then I let him go. I found out later I could have got ten bucks for him on the pet centipede market.

A few weeks ago I visited the Whitest Place in America -- the indoor Madison farmers market.

I bought some smoked fish -- much too salty and rubbery.

If you want diversity with your food in Madison -- go to the former Old Country Buffet on E. Washington by the mall.

While I am not fond of the food at the OCB, I do feel more comfortable there -- the people are nicer and more genuine. They say excuse me while waiting in line, while the folks at the indoor farmer's market rampage around like the running of the bulls.

That is funny because I was watching one of those TV commercials this weekend. It was for a women's garment that fits over her jeans and covers her butt crack when she bends over and I thought heck I could use that too!

The Duluth Trading Company makes an extra long in the back t-shirt designed specifically to coverup what they call plumber's crack. Very successful outfit. I get their catalog. All kinds of reasonably priced wear forever workman's clothes.

See, there is a war on caterpillars! Why only just this morning, someone in Wisconsin cafe was observed to brutal kick and likely kill an innocent differently-peded larval lepidoptera, disguised as a centipede, prior to fleeing the scene in a cowardly fashion while a co-conspirator distracted witnesses with over a footsworth of crack, an amount of crack exceeding standard operating crack allowances. The DOJ, FBI, HHS, and the BLM are investigating.

I feel for the big dude everyone laying into. I aint big, but I got the same problem with my butt crack always showing, like literally 24/7, I got weird hips and a long torso and all of this combines to give me serious HBCS (High Butt CraCK Syndrome). I can't help it though, I've tried long shirts and belts, nothing works and I just can't feel when its showing. Thank god I ain't hairy though! But yeah so have some sympathy, its a real disease people.