Monthly Archives: February 2016

It has been suggested by one of the meager handful of people I respect, that a previous post was a little too sexist. (Objectifying women, double standard… blah blah blah, you get the idea.)

So, in the spirit of the New more touchie-feelie Bittermac, I took some sensitivity training.

Or at least 10 minutes of it. (Go to Youtube and search “Sensitivity training”. Watch a few of those, you will be suicidal inside of 5 minutes.)

Aside from reaffirming that we are becoming a nation of metro-sexual pussies, I found 3 common points in both the training videos and the videos from women about sensitivity and sexism.

Most sensitivity training goes against human nature and is loosely based on the premise that you should never offend anyone and float thru life on butterfly wings. (All of these videos are conducted by guys that were chosen last in every sport, cheated on by their wives and end up getting raped in prison for tax evasion. Side note- They are in prison for tax evasion, the rape is just part of the amenities.)

The women that post reaction videos to applaud and affirm the training videos start off by demanding that it be an even playing field. By the end of their video-rants, they are usually wanting to spin the whole thing around to a female dominated/male being shit on playing field. (The bitter side of me applauds their thirst for blood, but it would set the scene for these exact kinds of videos being made by the guys in another decade.)

Nobody seems to have the same agenda. Several of the training videos and the reaction videos took the point of view of sexual abuse, several attacked racism, a few attacked inherited wealth. (Interesting mix, its a forest for the trees. Stop arguing about what kind of trees they are. They are TREES, lets move on.)

So, once again I find myself sitting in my comfy chair up in my ivory tower, seeing the people and their flaws.

And here is what I have for you:

Let it go.

Jesus Christ, people! Life is unfair, always has been, and its not changing any time soon.

If you are a woman, men are going to be unfair to you in the workplace.

If you are a man, men in higher positions will be unfair to you in the workplace.

If you are a short man, women on dating sites will openly discriminate against you.

If you are poor, the rich will discriminate against you when it comes to money.

If you are rich, the government will discriminate against you for having money.

If you draw breath on this planet, someone will take advantage of that situation for their own personal gain.

The whole thing boils down to human nature.

Human beings instinctively strive to better their own situation.

Some do it in an almost brutally selfish fashion, while others are wildly selfless in their approach.

Think of the Clintons on one end and Mother “Saint” Theresa on the other.

And we are all in between.

The vast majority spend their time hiding their own activities and decrying the actions of others.

Me? I am an open book.

Kind of like a tawdry sex novel that gets you a little hot and bothered, but shocks you with how out of your comfort zone you get.

Intriguing, can’t put it down fascinating, but leaves you feeling a little dirty in the end.

Most people wander thru life with this child-like belief system that remains unexamined from the moment it was given to them till the day they die.

Here is the basic truth.

Do your best not to shit on people if its not necessary, be a good person when you can, limit your asshole instincts when you can and hopefully, when the shit hits the fan, you have banked enough goodwill that there are a few hands to help when you need it.

I will not mention Karma here, you all know my opinions on that. (Seriously, if karma worked even a quarter of the time, we would not need laws. They say karma’s a bitch. I agree. A lazy bitch that rarely pulls its own weight.)

I will leave you with a quote from Hunter S. Thompson “I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on Fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.“ (Not the original quote I wanted, but this one caught my eye and it is golden.)

The black dresses are a little wrinkled, makeup has got some sloppy city miles on it, the hair has that look like they were fighting off the bottom on the couch for a half hour before they took that show into the bedroom and taught that hairstyle the meaning of the word respect.

But it is the 6 inch hooker heels at 8 am on a Sunday that says, loud and clear…

Walk of shame.

Time for our favorite sexist gameshow –

“Who’s the bigger hoe?”™

Our first contestant, lets call her Tammy. (A little too much mascara from the night before and she is channeling a Tammy Fay Baker vibe. Google that and click “Images” when you see the pic of her crying with WAY too much mascara, you get it.)

Tammy was a pretty blonde with stylish long blonde hair…. yesterday. Today, she looks like she has “Jersey hair” and may have been initiated into the Hell’s Angels a few hours ago. (You can Google that, but its filthy.)

Tammy has a tattoo of the Chinese character for bread on the back of her neck. (I Googled that one myself.)

And she keeps talking about someone name Naldo. Lets assume that is who her stylist is this morning.

And now its time to meet our other contestant, Babs.

Babs is slightly older, and I am being generous here.

If I had to call it and I was being honest, I would have to say that Tammy probably dated Babs son at some point. When they broke up, Babs decided to finally become one of the popular kids and began hoeing around with her son’s ex.

To call her a peroxide blonde with fake tits is an insult to honest sluts everywhere.

She is trying way too hard and it shows.

So, after having missed out on the swimsuit competition, (And who doesn’t love a love in a bikini?) we move on to the talent portion of the show.

Tammy’s talent appears to be texting and it looks like she is good at it. The high point of her performance was when she looked up at Babs and talked for about a minute and never stopped texting the entire time.

It was impressive.

And now its Babs turn.

Babs talent is her core skill.

Being Slutty.

“What was Naldo’s friend’s name? He’s young enough to be my son!”

No shame, no morals, no brains, no headaches.

We have a runaway winner, it wasn’t even close.

Like a young Brando, she nailed it (And Naldo’s nameless friend) coming thru the door.

Impressive, and sad.

And I hope Naldo’s friend has health care, because the parting gift is an STD.

(I can only imagine the hate mail being generated as we speak. Sad thing is, I kind of agree with it, this is pretty vile, even for me. Unless of course, Babs is your mother, then that hoe is your problem, not mine.)

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Sometimes it’s important to pay a little homage to what brought us all here.

The founder of the feast, as it were.

Coffee.

If you say it softly, it’s almost like praying. (My mother is not going to like that line, by the way.)

Ok, it’s not, but you know what I mean.

Caffeine, in the form of coffee is the most acceptable addiction on the planet.

It beats the shit out of meth in the public eye.

You can sit in church and sip coffee. (Not the church I grew up in, but others.)

I actually had someone tell me how bad Red Bull is for you, while sipping coffee.

You might say people in glass houses should not throw stones, but I am a firm believer in being a total hypocrite.

I will lob rocks from my glass porch all day long.

And if something breaks, call the glass guy to fix it, he has kids to feed.

To do anything else is unamerican.

Hypocrisy and denial is the American way.

Despite how that sounds, I am not knocking it, I am reveling in it.

The people who boo hoo about most things are wildly hypocritical about most things.

3 examples:

I have a friend who, while between jobs, slept in downtown LA in the Occupy LA encampment. She tweeted incessantly on her Iphone (Newest model), used her visa platinum card to order food to be delivered, and every other day, would drive her new BMW to her parents place in the Hollywood Hills to shower and bitch her parents out. My suggestion that her parents should have her tasered on site for being a family embarrassment did not go over well.

If you are addicted to cigarettes and use a nicotine patch to stop smoking, you do realize that you are simply switching one drug for another and you aren’t really quitting anything. The cigarette companies are the ones that make the patch and trust me, they have no interest in you quitting smoking. But it does look good in the news, doesn’t it?

Just about anyone with a strong opinion about anything. Dig deep enough and you will find something they have, do or believe that contradicts that strong opinion enough that, God forbid you point that out in a rudely sarcastic way, they will flip you off and drop the subject.

Back to coffee.

My first sip in the morning sends a shudder thru me that is as close to a tiny orgasm as you can get without having to change your skivvies.

But here is how great an addiction coffee is.

If you go to a support group for addiction to various drugs?

They serve coffee, the most pure of drugs.

How great is that?

So, as I sit here in my little glass tower, pontificating on the vagaries of the human condition from the existen-

As human beings, once we get out of our teens, we live our lives based on theories.

There are thousands of theories about work, careers, relationships, spirituality…etc.

You name the subject, somebody has a theory about it.

But not all of them are useful.

For instance: (If you did not see this coming, my theory is that you are stupid. Thats not your fault, by the way, most people are stupid.)

I have a theory that people that are born in or move to places that are freezing in the Winter are being punished for crimes committed in another life.

Not murder, but maybe petty theft, vandalism, that sort of thing.

Cold weather is a karmic community service kind of punishment.

The truly heinous crimes? I have a theory about that.

Cows, pigs and chickens were pedophiles and murderers in previous lives.

The cosmos has ruled that they should be eaten, and who am I to get in the way of that?

That is the foundational theory behind my “Being a vegetarian while eating mostly meat” life choice.

Seafood? My theory is that they were the innocent ones in past lives, the victims of various crimes.

Eating them is disgusting, they are living beings and deserve respect.

Moving on.

Some, in fact most, theories are so wrong that you almost wonder what kind of horrible abuse had to happen earlier in whoever came up with that theory that caused their mind to manufacture this fucked up equation.

Like the idea that “Liking” or “Sharing” a meme on Facebook is anything other than a totally selfish act.

Here’s why:

The tragedy in France, when the terrorists killed 130 innocents in the name of Allah?

A massive amount of people superimposed the French Flag over their profile pic.

What did that do for the French?

Not a goddam thing.

What did that do for the person with the pic?

It says “Hey, I know that what happened is bad, BUT DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME! Look at how caring and sad I am. Remember me today.”

Argue that one and dismiss it, I dare you.

And later today or tomorrow, it will creep into your thoughts and you will think about it again.

Why?

Because the truth is like that.

BS disappears without a whimper, like any speech/excuse from a Clinton, they never enter your head again.

Mainly because they had no weight or mass, and just disappeared into the ether.

BS is like that.

I can’t tell you how many people have come back to me to admit they were wrong.

I once told a hardcore animal rescue friend that perhaps the animals she was trying to save were pedophiles in their last life and this is her punishment.

Did I spin doctor this up to fit her semi-buddist view of reincarnation?

Maybe.

She laughed, flipped me off, called me a name and pretended to let it go.

Right.

The view from my ivory tower is stunning and the air is so clear that I could see it brewing in her head from a distance.

Didn’t see her for several weeks, but she said an interesting thing when I did.

“You asshole, do you know how much that stupid theory has screwed with my head over the last few weeks?”

Yes, yes I do.

Do you really think I do this just for shits and giggles?

The actual reason I do this comes from a pretty dark little theory I have.

I have a theory that only half of the people you see thruout your day actually exist.

The rest are just figments of your imagination.

Before you dismiss that, how many of them have you physically touched to proved they are actually here and not just illusions or mirages?

Like shimmering water on hot pavement, maybe they are a refraction of reality passing thru the perceived densities of hot and cold air, happy and sad emotions, pain and orgasm sensations. (This one WILL fuck with you later)

Why are they there?

Evolutionary thinning of the herd on an existential level.

Those that chase the illusions and try to “Be a better person”.

And those at the opposite end of that spectrum that view them as interesting toys to be messed with for my personal amusement.