The House That Broke Me: The Purple Water

Water can be an array of colors. Growing up as a young pup, you watched in cartoons and children’s books it was blue. As you pour it out of a crisp faucet in most regions, it’s clear. Some places the well water can be yellow. Filling up the rim of an above ground pool can be brown but I’ll tell you what, water is never supposed to be purple. As a full time resident for two years, I thought I had seen it all living at the Titz Carlton. In the past two years I witnessed Ghosts, above ground pools, lawsuits, stray animals and a plethora of other third world country shenanigans but in November of 2014, I went to run my faucet expecting the murky yellowish egg smell to flow upon my hands. Instead, it looked like Barni, the beloved friendly T-Rex went through a wood chipper and was then dispersed into my bathroom sink.

There’s not much you can say when something of this magnitude happens. I quickly gathered my roommates to discuss this new found evidence. We ran every shower, sink and hose bib. PURPLE! There was purple drink prespring from every cavity of the house.

The purple drank was in such abundance, Lil Wayne would have been so high, Carter 5 never would have been released. My next thought was to fill up our pool with this purple goodness but my roommates advised against it. For the next few hours, the water ran purple. After a call to our landlord, which was an event in it’s own, the water turned back to it’s natural state; yellow with a hint of brackish brown. I still know not what caused this bizarre occurrence. Some speculate it was some chemical from the county, some say it was an alien life form honing in on us. The answer is clear, it was our landlord.

Check back next week, where the Titz turns their home into a barn.

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