Acting your age? BUT WHEN?
When I was young, say from 10 to around 14, just as you're starting to understand the world around you, I'd look at the grown ups in their suits driving to work, driving buses and trucks, doing the humdrum things I saw grown ups doing. I used to think there must be a point in life, like puberty, where you stop having these childish thoughts and that switch CLICKS over and suddenly - thats it, you're there, you've done it. Here's your medal - you're a grown up! No more thoughts of pushing toy cars, chucking Action Man out of the window on some string or doing wheelies on your bike as you ride off a high kerb.

I'm now 40 and nothings changed in my head. I feel the same, or at least I think I am. I'm 40 with a wife (perfectly sane and keeps me grounded and a better person), 3 kids (make me aspire to be even better), mortage - the lot. As a kid, 40 was like nearly DEAD. So here I am, nearly dead but I'm still that childish idiot who has no clue about money, economics, geo-political stability or how a car enginer works (magic?). We had work photos taken today, professional ones. What did I do on the first photo? Crossed my eyes and made a blem face. My 12 year old daughters phone rang at the weekend, a boy, so I answered it like Liam Neeson and said "I have a particular set of skills, I will find you, and I will kill you" and cackled before he hung up. I bought my sons Airfix kits - then did them myself (they had glue EVERYWHERE!), I play their consoles (I'm not allowed one 'being grown up') and I showed my oldest how to ollie on his Ben 10 skateboard and promptly broke it in half. I'm just an immature idiot with no idea.

I guess there's something wrong with me, cause I don't ever see myself growing up, is there a normal? and who would want to? I'm fucking DYING for snow - I've got half a blue plastic barrel to push down from the top of the local pitheap then jump in it.
(TheManofScience, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 11:41,
14 replies)

i still can't....
.... push a trolley across a supermarket car park without pushing it really hard and then riding on it in childish glee...
(rachelswipewith a fork, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 11:02,
7 replies)

Act like a grown up.
I still waggle my willy at the mrs when I get undressed, walk away from her with my botty on show when exiting any room in the house, laugh at farts, spend 90% of my time at home playing games or watching cartoons and convincing my son that idiotic "facts" are true. He still believes my brain is made of cauliflower and broccoli as a result of a brain transplant which took place in Africa due to me falling of a giraffe and landing on an angry crocodile.

Despite working fulltime, mortgage, bills and shit, I don't think I'll ever do being a grown up properly. Being a grown up is boring.
(SpikeyPicklewishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 10:11,
2 replies)

When I was a lad
I thought I'd never figure out how to get into the pants of a decent looking woman.It turns out I was right.
(the other guynot the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 5 Feb 2015, 2:21,
4 replies)

Women
I still can't understand women: 'ban page 3' campaign one day and then 'free the nipple' the next. Do you want to get your boobs out or not? I don't care either way - just please make your minds up.
(l0bst3r, Wed 4 Feb 2015, 14:31,
36 replies)

I never learnt to read
in fact, I have no idea what I've just written here.
(cumquat mayBring it! And by it I mean sandwiches, Wed 4 Feb 2015, 2:54,
3 replies)

I can't refer to a stepladder without adding "not my real ladder", or shampoo without adding "it's not real poo"
Must be pretty childish and irritating to anyone around me, though I just can't shake off the compulsion to do it.

I never learned how to even
Imagine that. 35 years old and I just can't even. It's not, like, I just can't even right now. I just can't even, like, ever.
(Riluxmight be pregnant and has bum-aids, Sat 7 Feb 2015, 6:55,
3 replies)

If I have a page from a magazine of a lady in a short skirt
How come by tipping the page on it's side, I'm not able to see up her skirt?

I suppose I shouldn't give the satisfaction, but this is the last time I will ever visit this site. So long B3ta, thanks for the laughs.
But this is the last time I will ever visit this site. So long B3ta, thanks for the laughs.
(Amorous BadgerNAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 12:58,
10 replies)

I am still completely incapable of trying to describe what sort of haircut I want.
I will usually mumble something about wanting it 'a bit shorter but not too short' before frantically looking through my phone for a picture of me from after the last time I had it cut.
(2 Can ChunderWord to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 21:05,
5 replies)

Put my coat on properly
Of course I can actually wear a coat and I can put it on unaided. I just seem to only be able to do it by simultaneously raising both of my arms up and directly out about 30% above and slightly behind what I like to call, the scarecrow position.

This often leads to bystanders being slapped with a flapping sleeve or punched as both hands simultaneously emerge at speed from rapidly receding sleeves. Low hanging ceiling lights are frequently set a-swinging

I have a responsible job where I go to important meetings and I've noticed (only recently) that this can lead to puzzled looks and the odd offence being taken.

Mum!
The mother of one of my son's school friends had to go into hospital for a few days for an operation. The father was left on his own to look after 2 children. It's not that he didn't know how to work a washing machine - he didn't even know where it was! (They did have quite a big house). Luckily his mum lived 2 doors away so he and the children just moved in with her until his wife was out of hospital.
(Smaleis stuffed, Wed 4 Feb 2015, 7:20,
13 replies)

Optimus Prime isn't my favourite Transformer. He's not even in my top ten.

I can't...
put things back where they are supposed to be. Or at least thats what the missus says, as apparently there is a place where everything is supposed to be.

I also seem to be unable to realise when a carton of milk has expired, a bottle of coke, lemonade or bottle of sauce is now empty. They all go back into the fridge/cupboard (surely their rightful place).

Batteries are a constant source of confusion as well, rather buying new batteries I swap them from one remote control to the other to the wireless thermostat controller for the heating, until the inevitable happens and we have no handheld battery operated device that works in the house. Including sex toys. Yes.
(spanishflyis so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 11:53,
3 replies)

Change a duvet cover at the first attempt
Someone once showed me how to turn it inside out and then do some fancy manoeuvre.

It was like a David Copperfield trick to my simple mind.
(Galahadis out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Tue 3 Feb 2015, 9:00,
10 replies)

Drive.
When I was 17 all my rich friends got cars for their birthdays, so I became a passenger. Moved up to London when I was 20, and have never needed to.

Mrs V has never learned either - she's been in Landan since she was 3.

It does mean that when we go on holiday, we do get a significant amount of the local flavour from using local transport, which is nice.
(Je suis un vagabondis an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 2 Feb 2015, 11:51,
10 replies)