Marshfield woman shares story of 2008 shooting

Shot in the face by her ex-boyfriend in 2008, Engle has bullet fragments still lodged in her head and brain. The left half of her face is paralyzed and she is deaf in her left ear. Metal holds together her left eye socket, which was shattered.

She also carries around the memory of her mother, 58-year-old Charlotte Engle, who was killed in the Prentice shooting.

On the board of directors for End Domestic Abuse Wisconsin, Engle said she speaks out because she doesn't want anyone else to lose a loved one the way she lost her mother.

Breaking up no guarantee of safety

"Sarah's story will help us understand why leaving an abusive relationship does not guarantee safety or that the abuse will end," said Sue Sippel, executive director of the Domestic Violence Center.

A recent national study by Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell, a leader in research and advocacy in the field of domestic violence, showed that only 4 percent of domestic violence homicide victims had ever used domestic violence victim services. Campbell also found that when victims go to a shelter, their risk of homicide decreases by 60 percent, Sippel said.

"As you sit here tonight and look in our backyard, you see the solution," she said, referring to the new shelter for domestic abuse victims in the process of construction that could be seen through the window behind her.

Blaming the victim

All too often, society shifts the blame from the abuser to the victim, Sippel said.

She pointed to the first Ray Rice video, which showed the former running back dragging his girlfriend Janay Palmer's limp body out of an elevator, and said that "society was willing to kid itself about what had happened."

Rice's team stood by him and even suggested that Palmer shared the blame, Sippel said.

"'Why did she not just leave?' 'Why does she stay?'" are questions we hear all the time," she said.

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, Engle told the audience, speaking from experience.

'Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde'

Engle recalled the early days of her relationship with the man who shot her.

"He swept me off my feet," she said. "I had a dozen roses on my doorstep. It was great. I thought, 'Wow, where did I find this guy?'"

Friends had warned her that he was abusive in past relationships, so she told him flat-out that if he ever hit her or called her names, she would leave him. He never did those things, but he became very controlling, Engle said.

He cried at her grandmother's funeral and her family thought he was such a great, sensitive guy, she said.

As soon as they got into the car to leave, he became controlling again. He had a "Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde" personality, she said.

Played on her sympathy

"Everything had to be done his way and he changed it every time," Engle said. He would play on her sympathy, saying it hurt him when she didn't do something the way he wanted.

She said he would keep breaking up and then trying to mend the relationship. "If you can change this, I know I can love you," he would tell her.

One time he stopped at her workplace and said that she needed her to help him or he would commit suicide.

Another time he broke his arm hitting the wall in anger. "He made me feel trapped. I needed to take care of him," Engle said. "He wouldn't let me go, he needed me too much."

Violence followed breakup

She paid all the bills and did all the housework when they lived together. He also was sexually abusive, she said.

His violent streak would show through, once when he threw something in her direction that shattered a mirror behind her and another time when he beat the dog, she said.

Engle finally told him he needed to move.

On that fateful and violent day, Engle went to lunch with her mom, who planned to buy groceries and make them lasagna for dinner. When Engle came to dinner that evening, the grocery bag was on the floor and the scent of lasagna baking in the oven was notably absent.

Her ex-boyfriend came around the corner and pointed a rifle at her head, Engle said.

He ordered her to strip, duct taped her and raped her all night long, she said.

"I remember pretending to be asleep. I think that's when I was shot," Engle said.

After he fled, she remembers breaking into her mother's room, which he had barricaded, and finding her mother slumped against a dresser. She grabbed her mother's hand and it was cold.

"My mom was my best friend. I'm an only child. I miss her every day," Engle said.

Her ex-boyfriend is now serving a prison term that ensures that he will never be let out, she said.

Evening honored victims, supporters

The Domestic Violence Center vigil honored 39 individuals who lost their lives to domestic violence across Wisconsin.

Awards also were given to local DVC supporters including CVS Pharmacy, Two Buds Floral and Gift Gallery, Calvary Church, New Beginnings Church, volunteers Doug and Jean Hoffman, current board member Brian Kohlmeier, past board member Merritt Wilcox and Attorney Lee Kummer.