Pregnant Women In New Hampshire Are Legally Allowed To Commit Murder, So Pack Your Bags, Ladies

While I’m currently on the pill and doing everything in my power to stop myself from getting knocked up, I know that when it does eventually happen, there are some really special benefits I’ll be able to take advantage of. First, if my long-term boyfriend hasn’t committed yet, I’ll be able to trap him into staying with me for at least 18 more years, which tbh makes me want to secretly stop taking the pill as is. Even if I do decide to wait to get pregnant until after getting a life-long commitment two-carat diamond, I know that I’ll still be able to look forward to nine solid months of eating all I want “for the baby,” starting arguments and blaming them on the hormones, and not having to buy tampons. If you’re in New Hampshire though, there’s another serious benefit to being pregnant right now: you can kill anyone you want and get away with it completely legally.

New Hampshire Republicans passed Senate Bill 66, or the “fetal homicide” bill with some really unexpected consequences. The point of the bill was to be able to enact homicide charges against those who cause the death of a fetus at least 20 weeks old. When making provisions for women who wanted abortions and the doctors that would perform them, the language used in the bill states that “any act committed by the pregnant woman,” including “cases of second-degree murder, manslaughter, negligent homicide, or causing or aiding suicide” is perfectly legal. The intention here was that women seeking abortions wouldn’t be charged with homicide, but what it technically says is that pregnant women are legally allowed to get away with murder. Finally a bit of political news I’m happy to see on my news feed!

Ladies, pack your bags while you hide this news and your contraceptives from your boyfriends, because we’ve all just been given a get out of jail free card – literally. The next time he forgets to put the toilet seat down, doesn’t clean the bathroom sink after shaving, or gets you a regular Coke instead of Diet, he’d better watch out, because you can now literally murder him without having to go full “Orange Is The New Black.” Good luck out there, men. Something tells me you’re going to need it..

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RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com