Wake
Up or
Break Up

March
Do You Remember to Breathe in Bed?

It may sound strange to be asking if you are
breathing during your passionate moments in
lovemaking. Obviously, if you weren't breathing at
all, you'd be dead.

But there's an important difference between
breathing fully and breathing partially that can
significantly affect your lovemaking. Here's what I
mean:

If you or your partner tend to breathe in a
shallow or restricted way during lovemaking
(either because you're anxious, tired, trying
too hard, or feeling distracted) the sensations
are lessened and the orgasms are much less
pleasurable.

Specifically, if a man learns how to breathe
in and out deeply and fully during lovemaking,
it will bring his excitement up from his
genitals and let it spread throughout his entire
body. It will also allow a much longer
lovemaking session because the turn-on will be
felt all the way from his feet to his fingers,
to his chest and the top of his forehead. When
he finally does have an orgasm, it will be
experienced as a full-body orgasm rather than a
limited release of genitals only.

If a woman learns how to breathe in and out
deeply during lovemaking, it will send
much-needed oxygen to her pelvic area and allow
greater pulsations, contractions, and releases
than if she barely breathes during lovemaking.
She will also be experiencing a full-bodied
connection to the lovemaking, rather than being
stuck in her thoughts or her anxieties.

If a couple slows down their movements
during their lovemaking every so often and just
breathes together for a few minutes, it can be
extremely intimate and passionate. As Faith Hill
says in her hit song, "Just breathe!"

If a man wants to become a better oral
lover, he can do so by breathing in and out
slowly and smoothly for as long as he goes down
on his partner. Many men can do an extended in
and out breathing (that doesn't go too fast or
cause hyperventilation) that lasts for 20 or 40
or even 60 minutes while their partner is taken
to oral heights of ecstasy.

If you want to become a better breather and
a more expansive lover, practice right now by
taking a deep connected inhale breath that rises
from the bottom of your feet to the top of your
head and then exhales back down again like a
waterwheel which flows from the top of your head
down to your feet and back up again in a
circular motion.

If you do this too quickly or aggressively,
you will begin to hyperventilate and feel dizzy,
which can be dangerous. So just make the
waterwheel a medium-sized flow of breath that
rises from your feet to your head and back down
again in a smooth and gentle motion. Be sure to
keep the waterwheel flowing smoothly and evenly,
because if your brain locks onto a thought and
you forget to breathe you might experience some
cramping or dizziness. If this happens, just
relax and take in another smooth inhale and
exhale until the waterwheel of breath is flowing
again. The cramping and dizziness should
disappear quickly if your breathing is smooth
and gentle.

Some yoga and Tantric Sexuality teachers say
to inhale through your nostrils and exhale
through your mouth. But for many people it works
just as well to inhale and exhale nose-nose or
mouth-mouth in whatever combination makes you
feel comfortable and pleasurable.

These breathing techniques have helped many
of my counseling clients to become less focused
on their brains and genitals during lovemaking,
while being far more able to feel the pulsing
enjoyment that is moving through your entire
body, mind, and soul.

If possible, imagine during lovemaking that
the waterwheel of inhales and exhales is
connecting you and your partner. If you and your
partner listen to your breathing and enjoy the
flow of the waterwheel, you will experience the
powerful sensation that you are more than two
bodies in bed together. You are connected to the
infinite pulsing of the universe, the winds and
ocean waves as well as the pull of the moon and
the warmth of the sun. To experience that strong
a sensation with someone you care about deeply
is one of the greatest highs in life.

* * *

Leonard
Felder is a licensed psychologist in private
practice in West Los Angeles. As a popular lecturer
and recognized expert on how to improve personal
relationships, his books have sold more than 1
million copies. His latest book is Wake
Up or Break Up: The 8 Crucial Steps to
Strengthening Your
Relationship He has
appeared on more than 200 teleivsion and radio
programs, including Oprah, The Today Show, The
Early Show, CNN, AM Canada, NPR, and
ABC Talkradio. He and his wife, Linda, have
been together since 1980, and they hare the parents
of a 12-year-old son, Steven. E-Mail
or www.wakeuporbreakup.com