Was George a dodgy colour because he'd spent too long at his desk?

Pale face: Mr Osborne tucks into a burger and fries on Tuesday night before making his Statement yesterday

George Osborne was as pale as a stick of Wrigley’s spearmint. He looked so unhealthy he was almost green – close to Dulux pistachio. If you had a child that colour in the back of your car you would tell it to wind down the window and stick its head outside until a lay-by could be found.

Was it the prospect of announcing a few billion pounds’ worth of savings in public spending that had turned the Chancellor a dodgy colour? Or had he simply spent too much time in his office?

Spending Round Statements never used to be such a big do. Back in the days of splurge, when Chancellors (eg Gordon Brown) blew billions buying public sector votes, the spending round would come and go pretty much as a normal Commons day. The reason yesterday’s Statement had attracted the TV rolling-news gantries was that this was a ‘Reduced Spending’ round.

Politicians deciding not to be so wasteful with our cash? Gasp!

Mr Osborne rose just after a Prime Minister’s Questions where Ed Miliband had inconvenienced David Cameron by seeking details of big building projects. Mr Cameron had the best one-liner of the session.

Referring to Ed Balls’s mixed message on Labour policy, he said ‘no wonder it’s not just people at Wimbledon saying “new Balls, please” ’. But the Strictly Come Dancing judges would have given the contest to Ed Mil’.

Not that Labour MPs help their leader much. They keep asking for more public spending, even in the few areas where Mr Balls has indicated he, too, may cut.

Labour MPs were aghast when Mr Osborne came up with his plan to stop ‘automatic progression’ annual pay rises in the public sector, some of which have run at seven per cent. Grumble, grumble, went various Labourites. Then Mr Osborne said that the Armed Forces would be excluded from this freeze. ‘Oh, what?’ complained a Labour man.

I must say, I had no idea that the public sector was still on guaranteed annual rises, least of all that big. Why were they not stopped ages ago?

In his long speech – almost as long as a Budget – the Chancellor singled out a few Cabinet colleagues for praise. He hailed Communities Secretary Eric Pickles as ‘the model of lean government’. Ooncle Eric gave a rotund chuckle and pointed contentedly at his tummy. Not that we can necessarily call Mr Pickles the undisputed heavyweight of the Cabinet these days. Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin has arguably overtaken him.

Mr Balls had spread wide his thighs and sat in a bosscat way. When his moment came, shouted a lot but imparted little

The Labour front bench listened itchily to the Statement. Mr Balls had spread wide his thighs and sat in a bosscat way while Mr Miliband perched on one buttock with his legs crossed, Tilly the Typist taking dictation from Bruiser Balls.

Labour’s Chief Whip, the magnificent Rosie Winterton, was in an outfit so orange it could have been hired from Guantanamo Bay. Rosie loves to flash her flesh. I’d say she went through an industrial vat of fake tan yesterday. This made Mr Osborne look only ghostlier.

Mr Balls, when his moment came, shouted a lot but imparted little. He complained about cuts to the police, defence and local services yet he did not say how he would balance the books. Labour backbenchers, led by suave, swankily attired Karl Turner (Hull E), kept chirruping ‘yep! yep! yep!’ to Mr Balls’s blether. They could have been frogs.

Oh, and Speaker Bercow exploded. Poor little spud, he had had to keep quiet for the best part of an hour. Agony for him.

It had plainly driven him nuts. He interrupted a passage of (not specially bad) partisanship by Mr Osborne to tell off both the Chancellor and the Prime Minister (who laughed at the Squeaker with derision).

When Tory backbencher Jason McCartney (Colne Valley, good man) demurred, Bercow erupted: ‘No help is required. He would not have the foggiest idea where to start.’

It is hard, in print, to convey quite the extent of grotesque self-admiration Mr Bercow massaged into his voice.

Pale face: Mr Osborne tucks into a burger and fries on Tuesday night before making his Statement yesterday