HELP: Advice on plan with my baby's father.

I'm hoping I can ask you ladies for your input on some sensitive issues. Here's a quick background: baby daddy has been hot & cold throughout pregnancy. Doesn't ask questions (ie: about shower, appointments, etc). Isn't convinced the boy is his. Can rarely be reached. No financial assistance (I just moved into a place on my own). Avoids me for weeks at a time. The list goes on. He has mentioned several times how rough he has it because hes anxious about being a father and says how nice it must be for me... without realizing the nights I spend in tears, and alone.

Countless times I have reached out and tried to be amicable. I have consistently reassured him that I am open to questions, concerns, etc.

I have come to terms that I will be a fabulous single mother with lots of love and support from family & friends who are just as excited for this baby's arrival.

My questions are about the paternity test and the birth.

With regard to the DNA test, since it is he who wants it, I am thinking he should be the one responsible for finding out where to order it from, etc. Thoughts?

Lastly, I don't particularly think he has shown that he cares and therefore I don't think my first priority once I go into labour will be contact him to let him know the baby is on the way. Initially I was going to let him know, but his apathy thus far suggests he couldn't care less. Thoughts?

As a side note, I don't see him being all too involved once the baby is here. Many seem to think he will change once his son arrives. He does make sure to tell me how busy he is and that he will rarely be around to take on sharing the care. I dont look at this man and see dollar signs, I involved him because I wanted a father for my son and hoped that the feelings we once had for eachother could ease the tension between us...

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! :)

I'm hoping I can ask you ladies for your input on some sensitive issues. Here's a quick background: baby daddy has been hot & cold throughout pregnancy. Doesn't ask questions (ie: about shower, appointments, etc). Isn't convinced the boy is his. Can rarely be reached. No financial assistance (I just moved into a place on my own). Avoids me for weeks at a time. The list goes on. He has mentioned several times how rough he has it because hes anxious about being a father and says how nice it must be for me... without realizing the nights I spend in tears, and alone.

Countless times I have reached out and tried to be amicable. I have consistently reassured him that I am open to questions, concerns, etc.

I have come to terms that I will be a fabulous single mother with lots of love and support from family & friends who are just as excited for this baby's arrival.

My questions are about the paternity test and the birth.

With regard to the DNA test, since it is he who wants it, I am thinking he should be the one responsible for finding out where to order it from, etc. Thoughts?

Lastly, I don't particularly think he has shown that he cares and therefore I don't think my first priority once I go into labour will be contact him to let him know the baby is on the way. Initially I was going to let him know, but his apathy thus far suggests he couldn't care less. Thoughts?

As a side note, I don't see him being all too involved once the baby is here. Many seem to think he will change once his son arrives. He does make sure to tell me how busy he is and that he will rarely be around to take on sharing the care. I dont look at this man and see dollar signs, I involved him because I wanted a father for my son and hoped that the feelings we once had for eachother could ease the tension between us...

If he wants the DNA test so bad he can get the info himself. Also I would tell him when you are in labor but tell him you don't want him in the room and are being surrounded by family and you will call him when lo is here.

If he wants the DNA test so bad he can get the info himself. Also I would tell him when you are in labor but tell him you don't want him in the room and are being surrounded by family and you will call him when lo is here.

I think he should be responsible for looking up the info and the total cost of the paternity test. I wouldnt worry about what he plans to do or not do for that matter. Its only so much one can do. Your doing everything you can and thats the only thing that matters.

I think he should be responsible for looking up the info and the total cost of the paternity test. I wouldnt worry about what he plans to do or not do for that matter. Its only so much one can do. Your doing everything you can and thats the only thing that matters.

File for paternity testing and child support at the same time through your state's child support enforcement program. It will either be free or a nominal cost and they will legally compel him to show up for DNA testing and subsequent support order if he's proven to be the father. Remember, it's nearly impossible to enforce any arrangement without a court order. Don't feel guilty about it either as you are looking out for the best interest of your child in the long run.

File for paternity testing and child support at the same time through your state's child support enforcement program. It will either be free or a nominal cost and they will legally compel him to show up for DNA testing and subsequent support order if he's proven to be the father. Remember, it's nearly impossible to enforce any arrangement without a court order. Don't feel guilty about it either as you are looking out for the best interest of your child in the long run.

I had even offered to keep our support arrangement off the books. Im from Canada. He literally has no wiggle room here as far as the legal system goes. But Im beginning to worry I might have to hunt him down every month for support...

Then again, it may be easier just going it totally on my own..no support, nothing.. so as to avoid the stress!

I had even offered to keep our support arrangement off the books. Im from Canada. He literally has no wiggle room here as far as the legal system goes. But Im beginning to worry I might have to hunt him down every month for support...

Then again, it may be easier just going it totally on my own..no support, nothing.. so as to avoid the stress!

I think if he is that concerned about it, he should be the one responsible for finding the information and paying for the paternity test. I would also either file for child support or have him sign over all his parental rights. And on the off chance of him bringing drama and negativity to a very special time, I would only call him after the baby is born.

I think if he is that concerned about it, he should be the one responsible for finding the information and paying for the paternity test. I would also either file for child support or have him sign over all his parental rights. And on the off chance of him bringing drama and negativity to a very special time, I would only call him after the baby is born.

I am in a VERY similar situation. You sound like you are handling the situation alot like me. trying to be calm and respectable as possible. defintiely the best route. im totally not looking for "baby daddy drama" and it looks like you arent either. Like you, I want the babies father to WANT to be involved. I desperately want that because my daughter deserves her father. I could care less if the relationship between us works out, but at the end of the day, I want my little girl to know her daddy.

If he has made it apparent that he doesnt think this child is his, I would let him go forward with paternity testing as well as fees, and the business that takes care of it all. As for calling him while you are in labor- I am going to call the babies father when I am in labor. I find it very doubtful that he will come. He moved 300 miles away. And wants me to give this child up for adoption...Still.

But for my own piece of mind, I am going to atleast make an effort, and say that I tried to involve him. It's your decision whether or not you choose to call. If he doesnt show, that is his problem and his guilt that he'll have to deal with later on. Atleast you know you tried.

Sorry for making this post about me lol, but I wanted you to know that I am in a similar situation, and you are not alone. You seem very level-headed and I think you will make an excellent single mother. :)

I am in a VERY similar situation. You sound like you are handling the situation alot like me. trying to be calm and respectable as possible. defintiely the best route. im totally not looking for "baby daddy drama" and it looks like you arent either. Like you, I want the babies father to WANT to be involved. I desperately want that because my daughter deserves her father. I could care less if the relationship between us works out, but at the end of the day, I want my little girl to know her daddy.

If he has made it apparent that he doesnt think this child is his, I would let him go forward with paternity testing as well as fees, and the business that takes care of it all. As for calling him while you are in labor- I am going to call the babies father when I am in labor. I find it very doubtful that he will come. He moved 300 miles away. And wants me to give this child up for adoption...Still.

But for my own piece of mind, I am going to atleast make an effort, and say that I tried to involve him. It's your decision whether or not you choose to call. If he doesnt show, that is his problem and his guilt that he'll have to deal with later on. Atleast you know you tried.

Sorry for making this post about me lol, but I wanted you to know that I am in a similar situation, and you are not alone. You seem very level-headed and I think you will make an excellent single mother. :)

I think he should be responsible for looking for the DNA test and make arrangements for it. Unless you want to put him on child support and have him be at least be financially responsible, but if you rather go and do all in your own because you feel like he wont be a present father and to avoid the let downs, being hurt, and the drama, then you should maybe go thru the court systems to have a paternity test done and have him sign his parental rights to you, that way you know you wont be going thru stress because you know he wont be there for you...I think it is more hurtful to be expecting him to be there and find out he wont...

And as far as letting him know you are going into labor, if he hasnt show any interest in the pregnancy maybe he doesnt need to know, i think it is also better to play safe, than to let him know and then he wont show up and you will probably be hurt because of that as well. So maybe the best is to let him know once the baby is born, it could be even while you are still at the hospital?! Gosh this men...I swear

I think he should be responsible for looking for the DNA test and make arrangements for it. Unless you want to put him on child support and have him be at least be financially responsible, but if you rather go and do all in your own because you feel like he wont be a present father and to avoid the let downs, being hurt, and the drama, then you should maybe go thru the court systems to have a paternity test done and have him sign his parental rights to you, that way you know you wont be going thru stress because you know he wont be there for you...I think it is more hurtful to be expecting him to be there and find out he wont...

And as far as letting him know you are going into labor, if he hasnt show any interest in the pregnancy maybe he doesnt need to know, i think it is also better to play safe, than to let him know and then he wont show up and you will probably be hurt because of that as well. So maybe the best is to let him know once the baby is born, it could be even while you are still at the hospital?! Gosh this men...I swear

I agree with lobr84. You need to think about what kind of involvement that you want him to have and what is realistic. I don't think it's helpful just to hope he will change. I work with a lady whose children are 3 and 5 and she is still hoping the father of her children will change and want to be involved. The 5 yo has been let down so many times she is indifferent. The 3 yo is shattered every time he let's him down. Getting him to sign over his parental rights would be something to think about. It gives you more flexibility later if you want to move, you make decisions for your child and do not need to negotiate with someone who is either a) not interested or b) becomes spiteful and difficult. I don't know the baby's father, am only speaking from what I've seen with my coworker. In labour you need people who can support you... Id let him know after the baby is born and you have had a chance to bond. Good luck with whatever you chose.

I agree with lobr84. You need to think about what kind of involvement that you want him to have and what is realistic. I don't think it's helpful just to hope he will change. I work with a lady whose children are 3 and 5 and she is still hoping the father of her children will change and want to be involved. The 5 yo has been let down so many times she is indifferent. The 3 yo is shattered every time he let's him down. Getting him to sign over his parental rights would be something to think about. It gives you more flexibility later if you want to move, you make decisions for your child and do not need to negotiate with someone who is either a) not interested or b) becomes spiteful and difficult. I don't know the baby's father, am only speaking from what I've seen with my coworker. In labour you need people who can support you... Id let him know after the baby is born and you have had a chance to bond. Good luck with whatever you chose.

in the eyes of the court if he wants a paternity test he has to pay for it and has to find out. with that being said he should help out. if he cant be there for you and help then a judge would mandate child support to help with the cost of your baby. because its expensive and so isnt child care.
as for calling him. i would call him but say he cant be in the room until after lo is out. and then he can see his son.

in the eyes of the court if he wants a paternity test he has to pay for it and has to find out. with that being said he should help out. if he cant be there for you and help then a judge would mandate child support to help with the cost of your baby. because its expensive and so isnt child care.
as for calling him. i would call him but say he cant be in the room until after lo is out. and then he can see his son.

I really think you have the answers on that I truly believe you should just enjoy your child's birth amongst people who you a dead certain cares and loves you as far as the dna is concerned go ahead and you do if third the courts that way when it comes back 99.9% that the baby is his child support will start then he is free to act how he wants don't try to worry about him I know that's easily said than done it really is. You have it in you already to take full responsibility that go ahead keep the father at bay until you are sure he is there there not in and out then out again just breath babe and take it in stride....hugs!! ENJOY YOU DELIVERY!!!

I really think you have the answers on that I truly believe you should just enjoy your child's birth amongst people who you a dead certain cares and loves you as far as the dna is concerned go ahead and you do if third the courts that way when it comes back 99.9% that the baby is his child support will start then he is free to act how he wants don't try to worry about him I know that's easily said than done it really is. You have it in you already to take full responsibility that go ahead keep the father at bay until you are sure he is there there not in and out then out again just breath babe and take it in stride....hugs!! ENJOY YOU DELIVERY!!!

I just read the 'I'm from Canada part' and so I'll I'm going to say is get the support in paper. I am also in canada (ottawa ont) and i watched a very close friend go through this -- she too wanted to make it 'easier' on the babys daddy by keeping the support off the books, but she had to hunt him down and pretty much never got any help. My advice is get the custody, visitation, and support worked out ASAP. Without doing a custody/visitation agreement, he can technically walk away with the baby are you are powerless. You also need to know the money is not for you -- it's for your child so there is no reason why he shouldn't be paying up. Babies are expensive and your child deserves the best life, you and the dad can provide as a team. I wish you the very best of luck!!

I just read the 'I'm from Canada part' and so I'll I'm going to say is get the support in paper. I am also in canada (ottawa ont) and i watched a very close friend go through this -- she too wanted to make it 'easier' on the babys daddy by keeping the support off the books, but she had to hunt him down and pretty much never got any help. My advice is get the custody, visitation, and support worked out ASAP. Without doing a custody/visitation agreement, he can technically walk away with the baby are you are powerless. You also need to know the money is not for you -- it's for your child so there is no reason why he shouldn't be paying up. Babies are expensive and your child deserves the best life, you and the dad can provide as a team. I wish you the very best of luck!!

You are responsible for proving he is the father so you would have to set up the DNA test and pay for it. If your wanting financial help he isn't financially responsible or obligated to provide anything to you or baby until the test says he is the father at that point I would send him half the hospital bills and half the DNA test. If you aren't wanting anything from him and don't care either way then don't get a test and he can if he wants.

You are responsible for proving he is the father so you would have to set up the DNA test and pay for it. If your wanting financial help he isn't financially responsible or obligated to provide anything to you or baby until the test says he is the father at that point I would send him half the hospital bills and half the DNA test. If you aren't wanting anything from him and don't care either way then don't get a test and he can if he wants.

Im from Canada too.. Call the fanily responsibility office they are great! Dna testing is free if it goes to court otherwise you are looking at about 2000 dollars ( in my area anyways) it should be his job to pay for that!

Im from Canada too.. Call the fanily responsibility office they are great! Dna testing is free if it goes to court otherwise you are looking at about 2000 dollars ( in my area anyways) it should be his job to pay for that!

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