Pages

Friday, March 11, 2011

In which I over-use the words stuff and things and I don't care

OK, so we have this totally rich world kind of problem: we have too much STUFF.

We are like Double Stuf Oreos if you took two of them apart and stuck them together with the extra stuff in between. Which is actually the part I avoid. I think the white stuff is gross. I like to scrape off the stuff and eat the chocolate cookie part.

So we are over over over-stuffed with stuff.

Not in a hoarders way. We don't have piles of newspapers or heaps of anything, except for my clothes on the chest at the foot of our bed. We just have many things in our storage room, things to hang on walls, things to put somewhere puttable.

Things things things. Things that are nice quality. Things that have history. Things that appeal to one of us or the other.

We have a large house. We do. It is Victorian, and as such has almost no closets. But we have a big kitchen, and ample cupboard space.

We actually have room for everything. I understand that this is an enviable position.

And yet, none of us can find anything, ever.

Because the cupboards are crammed full. And you have three adults putting things away where they think they should go. We have ridiculous redundancy, which is what happens when you are almost 40 when you get married.

We each had a full kitchen. And Nick liked his plates. And his cutlery. And I liked mine - they were my grandmother's - and while my cutlery was nothing special, I like it better than his.

And glasses! We have an insaaaaane number of drinking glasses. And all three of us like different shapes. So the ones I hate, Betty likes, and the ones I like, Nick dislikes.

This is without even touching his beer stein collection, or his plethora of etchings of buildings. Or my assortment of statues of Hindu gods and goddesses, Buddha heads, and other, if you're not into that kind of thing, "oh, how ethnic!" art.

None of the pieces either of us consider art are negotiable, however. I'm quite sure he'd get rid of the bulk of mine and I'd certainly do the same to his.

Freckled beat me to it. Although donation piles left on the curb on pickup day are much less obvious than a fullblown yard sale. He'll never notice a few things a month missing. My Dad still has to do that with my mom's stuff every so often.

I like the surreptitious breaking of glasses and giving things to charity plan. But Nick's smart enough that he might see through it.

There are professional organizer types who come into people's houses and help them get their shit in order. I suspect that this often involves throwing lots of said shit away, so that could be problematic. But don't you guys have lots of bedrooms (the house was a hotel or something, right?). Maybe one room could be the Etching of Buildings Room. Another could be the Super Cool Accoutrement from India and other Exotic Locales Room.

I grew up with 2 junk collectors as parents. My husband grew up totally the opposite. As we've moved a billion times, I'm now firmly on board with his "less stuff" lifestyle. It's SO freeing to get rid of that stuff. Why don't you find glasses that you all like? Then you donate all of the old ones to charity, get the tax write-off, and you can feel good about it. Although I (literally) cried at first when donating a bunch of stuff, I feel 10000% better now that my life isn't defined by stuff.

This is the sort of thing I love to do. Organizing anything is fun - cool, beautiful things with history - especially. You'll figure out a system - step 1 identify the problem, no? It's so sweet that you both love eachother so much and are respectful of one another's things, aww.

I totally hear you. D and I have almost stubbornly maintained our own systems of organization that are both completely independent of and completely subversive to the other's. Seven years in and we're still doing it like this. Maybe when we ditch everything and move overseas we'll get it right.

Could you divide up the cabinets? Each of you can have your plates, glasses, etc. in your cabinet. Same with drawers for your silverware. Or for that, do those picnic utensil basket things with the three holes plus the place for napkins, if you're lucky.

Or divide up the shelves in a couple of the cabinets for the same purpose. Keep just a couple of each of your things and stow the rest in a less accessible cabinet.

Combining two complete sets of stuff is a pain. I don't blame either of you for not wanting to give up your stuff.

The tax right off thing is nice in theory but you have to give away thousands for it to work. Maybe you should set a number for items. Like keep 3 glasses of each style. Keep 3 ethnic art thingies :-) and so on. And just start in one room. Read the internet stuff on how to get organized. You'll be inspired. Then, make Nick read it too or get him a picture book of organized rooms. Men like pictures. Hey I just thought of something! They should totally publish a magazine of organized spaces with neked women in them, men would totally read it and they would learn all the tricks of the organized trade!Problem solved.

I don't think Lynn is right. We donated about $800 last year, and it was a right off. You will get a write off if you itemize and it's more than your standard deduction. With a house a kid, you likely itemize. I really came back to say you have already come up with the best solution - a dog to eat all of the extra stuff lying around ;)

Oh my god I am so right there with you. We have the same stupid problem! Too much stuff! Bad cupboards! Rooms full of STUFF. We clean out one room to make a sort of office for big M, but that fills up the guest room, then eventually there is a GUEST, which means we move a bunch of stuff back to the office. And the basement, oh I cringe to think of all the stuff down there.

We get rid of stuff but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Must keep trying though.

I like Wendy's idea above, of having an Etchings Room and an Exotica Room.

Hmm... I don't think you lived up to your post's title. After using the word stuff judiciously in the first few sentences, you stopped using it altogether until you use it once more in the second to last sentence.

When I help people de-clutter (it's a side job thing) I always find that there are several things I can take away without the person noticing. Things that take them too long to remember when they got it or that have been collecting dust for years in a cabinet. I also find that people tend to keep lots of the same thing which is unnecessary. I think a third party brings a lot of insight. Professional organizers are great and there are a few in DC.

Susan H - I haven't found an organization that will do house pickup in DC. In VA, plenty. But not downtown DC. At least, not that I know of.

freckledk - This makes me giggle. But I'd feel like a dick doing it on purpose.

Wendy - We are working on getting rid. I put aside some of my stuff this weekend, and a couple of his things (kitchen stuff, all). We're inching in the right direction.

And once we get to that point, yes, we could totally have an Etchings room and an Exotica room and so on. Excellent idea!

Tia - It is freeing. I remember when I would move regularly and get rid of stuff regularly. Now that I know I'm never moving again, it's harder. We should figure out what we have that has some value to get the tax write-off...

Kristin - So basically we just need to wait for J to get old enough, and he'll take care of the glasses situation. :) As for the label maker, I used to have one and loooved it.

HK - You think it's fun because you're incredibly good at it. I think it's dreadful because it requires skills I do not have, or have much of, anyway.

Keenie Beanie - That will be the time, and what an excellent reason. You're leaving it all behind to start afresh!

frugalveganmom - I am so overdue for a viewing!

And I think that is the right approach - one little piece at a time.

Lisa - In theory, I guess. But practically speaking, no. I think we will have to set some up high or in another room. We never use mine - Betty prefers Nick's plates as well - and they are practical, so mine just sit. But I'm not willing to let them go. But they could go upstairs.

Hillary - This makes me laugh and laugh.

Lynn - It's too bad I'm not more into porn and pictures of nekkid men in organized spaces...because Nick is the tidy one. He just likes his decorative stuff, and man, does he have a lot of it.

Tia - I am embarrassed to say this but I will have to ask Nick if we itemize...

Laura - Yes! And it was less obvious pre-child. But now there are mountains of child stuff as well. And we shove the storage-y stuff that we can't deal with from room to room. It's been up and down the stairs so many times. GAH!

VVK - I think you are right. Although I don't know how judiciously I used it, I certainly did not live up to your artistic and overpowering rendering. :)

Grace - You make such a good point about too many of the same thing. We have a lot of this. I started paring down duplicates this weekend. I don't see us hiring a professional - I think we will slowly slowly get to a point on our own. I hope!

sarah - Duh! Exactly!

IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY - I understand this. It's good stuff - someone can use it, why get rid of it? We face this a lot.

If you cannot bring yourself to donate it, get a storage space. First, it's a place to put the extra stuff without getting rid of it. Second, when you have to PAY to store your stuff, you are a bit more likely to ditch things that really don't have much meaning.

I was a collector of stuff and I am not the tidiest person in the world, I struggle to keep the house looking reasonable in case unannounced visitors arrive. I threw away a lot of it and go the opposite now. Maybe once a month for the next year you each decide on one thing from your collection to let go of. Get rid of it with feeling though. Give it to someone who really needs it and will make you feel good about having given it even though you didnt want to get rid of it. If its done with feeling its not so hard to let go of I have found.