Sherdog.com’s Guide to TUF 9

Last week on the season debut of “The Ultimate Fighter,” we got the
U.K. team all sorted out, but we still needed to find out who will
be representing the American side of things. Heck, we didn’t even
know who would be coaching the U.S. team.

OK, we all saw Dan
Henderson slip past Rich
Franklin at UFC 93 in January, but somehow Ben Linus moved the
island and magically “Hendo” appeared as the coach. That was a
“Lost” reference that loses all its steam now that I’ve explained
it.

Henderson keeps his dreams for this season pretty simple.

“My goals for this season of the ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ would be
(pause) to beat the hell out of the UK guys,” he says wryly.

At the top of the show, UFC President Dana White and Hendo hustle
into the UFC Training Center in Las Vegas where sixteen hopefuls
are eagerly waiting to have their dreams realized or crushed.
Naturally, Dana launches into his usual spiel about how this will
be the best/worst experience of their lives (story checks out). But
before White can get his third f-bomb in, one of the contestants
catches the vapors and falls into the arms of surrounding
fighters.

Poor Jason
Pierce took a chapter from the bestselling novel, “How to Faint
and Find Success: The Phillipe
Nover Story.” When he finally comes to he asks “Did I fall
asleep?”

Uh, sort of. Dana attributes the moment to Pierce’s weight-cutting,
but the world may never really know.

“Who the f--- wants it?” Dana asks after giving the boys the usual
what-you’re-here-for speech, which always somehow comes off like
he’s angry that they’re even trying. Actually, Dana has reason to
be angry soon enough, as two of the sixteen drop out almost
instantly.

The first victim is John
Shackelford, who gets sent home ASAP after doctors discover a
touch of the herpes virus that’s formed just above his forehead.
Sucks for John since he didn’t even get to unpack his gloves.

The other casualty is Christian
Fulgium. Fulgium shows up heavy and after a few hours of
cutting, including him collapsing on the treadmill, he just can’t
make it down to 171.

“When you quit sweating, you’re in trouble,” surmises Fulgium.

Dana White gives Fulgium the cold shoulder and the hard goodbye for
missing weight and chastises the remaining contestants.

“This is the worst start to the season in the history of this
show,” says White. “Season 9 motherf---ers, season 9! If you don’t
know what goes on, on this show, I don’t know what to tell
you.”

Dana also warns the American crew that the U.K. team has shown up
hungry and mean.

“From what I’ve seen, the Brits might kick the shit out of these
guys,” he says.

Freddie DeFreitas/Sherdog.com

Kevin Knabjian and Mark
Miller didn't want
to fight each other.

On to the fights, the first match is hard to watch because you can
just tell by their body language that Kevin
Knabjian and Mark Miller
don’t want to fight each other. These two Chicago boys are training
partners and I’m sure they know all about each other’s aspirations.
Nobody wants to be the one to destroy your boy’s hopes. In fact, it
would take a special kind of evil to even expect the two to face
off, an evil reserved for television producers and dream crusher
Dana White.

Miller dominates most of the first round, finding his range early
and pretty much striking at will. Miller’s hunched shoulders and
power might remind some of a certain axe murderer from Brazil.
Knabjian is comparatively listless and spends most of the round
covering up while Miller tees off.

Knabjian’s corner admonishes him to let his right hand go and stop
holding back. Knabjian listens well, because the second right hand
he throws connects. And then the third and the fourth. Miller drops
to the ground in a stunning turn of events, but Knabjian isn’t able
to capitalize and finish him off. Once Miller gets his bearings
back, he gets serious and wails on his friend mercilessly until the
ref steps in halfway through the second round. Miller can’t even
relish in his victory with his buddy leaving so bitterly
disappointed.

“I fight to the death,” says Bird beforehand, with the usual over
the top hyperbole that some fighters seem to love.

Whitson, on the other hand, seems to be a dead ringer for
snowboarder Shaun White, as discussed by Dana and Henderson.
Whitson recently left his igloo in Alaska to head down to
Henderson’s gym in the land of fruits and nuts -- California.

Bird decides to go all Iowa-style on the Alaskan early with a
couple of nifty takedowns, but Whitson is very athletic and spunky
in the cage. Once Bird’s options start to run out, Whitson’s
overall fierceness takes over. Whitson stuffs shots and begins to
maul Bird with some wound-up punches. Bird is glad to hand over his
neck towards the end of the first round and let Whitson win with
the rear-naked choke.

In the next clash, Santino
Defranco gets his second shot at TUF, as he was passed up for
season two after the show’s doctors discovered he had a brain
aneurysm. Following surgery and time, Defranco is back, but things
get off to a rough start for him.

Waylon
Lowe absolutely dominates the first round,
grounding-and-pounding Defranco against the fence for nearly four
minutes.

White and Henderson both think that Defranco won’t answer the bell
for round two after he is left in a crumpled heap.

Lowe and his corner are pretty convinced that Defranco is done as
well.

“He’s going to quit,” says Lowe, as he and his cornermen watch
Defranco struggle on his stool.

However, Defranco must have the same Svengali cornerman that also
convinced Kevin Knabjian to put up his dukes. This time, the
downtrodden is told to show heart.

“Look into my eyes and tell me what you are going to do. You’re
going to fight,” says the wise cornerman.

Defranco does just that. Lowe shoots right away and Defranco
counters perfectly with a flying knee that couldn’t have struck
flusher. Lowe remains upright but dazed and Defranco pounces on
him, taking his back and finishing him off with a clean rear-naked
choke that makes Dana White and Hendo’s jaws hit the floor.

Next up is one of those long boring fights they choose not to show.
Instead, they offer some highlights, complete with Dana White’s
post-fight summation. Bottom line, Jason Pierce recovers from his
weight cut and fainting spell to take a decision over Steve Berger
and enter the house. From the highlights, Pierce seems to have his
moments, but never finishes the seasoned Berger off.

Next up is another highlight-only fight between Cameron
Dollar and Tom Hayden.
Dollar is easy to spot with his mohawk haircut and the fact that he
looks 19. Hayden spends two rounds helping Dollar get his hair to
lay down by taking his back and pounding away on his noggin.
Dollar’s patience and toughness pay off in the end though, after he
sneaks out the back door and takes Hayden’s back for once. Dollar
makes the most of the position by choking Hayden unconscious in
seconds. Dollar survives to enter the house and looks to have not a
scratch on him.

“Time to do the man dance,” says Demarques
Johnson before facing Ray Elbe.
Johnson has a strange demeanor about him, playing the cool cat card
while Elbe touts his training time in Thailand. Thailand, of
course, is known really for one thing -- muay Thai. Elbe never gets
much of a chance to show off what techniques he picked up there
once Johnson puts him on his back. Johnson just sits on his chest
and throws haymakers until the ref calls off the dogs.

When the doctor asks Elbe what city he’s in, he answers “Nevada,”
showing just how dissimulated Johnson left him.

So we have six fighters invited to enter the TUF house so far, but
there’s still two more missing. Dana brings in the two alternates
that will fight to take their place. Next week, we’ll see the two
alternates face off against the remaining originals, Kiel Reid and
Jason
Dent.

Oh and the two alternates? Well that would be Frank
Lester and Robert
Browning. Yes, that faint banjo music that just started playing
in your head would be because Browning is the younger brother of
one Junie
Allen Browning. This season just got interesting.