Luis: Our main character who ended up in the village by accident. He also happens to be a peeping tom, because thats what we want in our heroes.

Alma: Our female lead that is barely worth mentioning outside of the fact that she has one of the most incredible mood swings in a movie that I have ever seen.

Marcos, Cesar, Ernesto, and other bus passengers: Random fodder for the villagers that become zombie/ghoul/vampires after being dogpiled.

Boris, The Major: Tolnios mayor and thats about it. Not worth mentioning outside of that.

The Countess: The person who seems to be the head honcho around the town and I think the lead vampire. Stabbed to death by what looks like a pen.

LESSONS LEARNED+ There are random water fountains in the middle of nowhere.+ Hmm is a proper answer to the question: What do we do with the body?+ Human and turkey meat looks the same.+ Vampiresses are extremely desperate.+ Wind and rocks beating against the window sound the same.+ Little girls and boys have fun by burying dolls in cemeteries.+ Time follows its own logic in vampire villages.

STUFF TO WATCH FOR4 min  Well thats random.12 min  Sounds like someone is playing a xylophone in background.19 min  You can run in any other direction other than right or left.36 min  Well bom chicka wah wah!37 min  There was a delay reaction with his scream.46 min  Is this even important?52 min  Waiter! Theres a finger in my food wait 62 min  Ill die of boredom before anything happens with we keep this pace.63 min  I hear a UFO landing.68 min  Will someone turn on the damn light?!71 min  Someone shoot the person scratching their nails on the chalkboard already! Oh yeah RANDOM ACTS OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CAR!77 min  What the hell?

NOTABLE QUOTESPassenger: [Referring to the bus driver] What do we do with the body?Everyone Else: Hmm

THE PLOTI got nothing. Theres nothing to say about this film other than the fact that title is what caught my attention. I mean, how can you avoid a title like that? Its like ignoring a title called Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers or Lesbian Vampire Killers (Yes these movies do exist). You just have to see this movie out of morbid curiosity!

Our film opens up with a shot of a funeral where a bunch of people toss a casket into a grave and run. So much for respect for the dead. Then the opening credits start up as 70s theme song music plays while we see the body become overtaken by maggots. Interesting start

We then cut to the middle of nowhere (Its always nowhere), where we see a bus traveling on its way to Bojoni with a bunch of people looking for work. The first sign of danger, outside of the silly opening music, is that the dub work on this film is bad and thats being polite. The dialogue also spoken is pretty bad as well, but from what I can gather, all the passengers are on their way to Bojoni for work.

Out of nowhere, the bus driver suffers a random heart attack and dies, leaving the passengers stuck out in the wilderness. Thats always the start of something bad isnt it? While the passengers figure out what to do, the youngest member, a little girl, takes a little walk around the area and discovers a young boy. She tries talking to him, but as soon as the camera zooms in on her and retracts back, hes gone! Spoooooo-kkkyy!

The passengers drive the bus over to a nearby town, Tolnio, to recuperate for the night after the days events. When they arrive there, they find absolutely no one at all, even in the bar/hotel despite the fact that there is a fire going and the whole place is stocked with food & drinks. With such a mysterious and unusual place, everyone decides to raid the bar for drinks and sleep in the hotel without even looking around the town to see if there is anyone around. This sort of thing gets people killed more often than not.

After tedious amounts of people playing cards and an uncomfortable peeping tom moment, we see one of the passengers called Ernesto, I think, investigate a mysterious sound outside of the hotel. Looking around, he spots a light from one of the buildings and goes to look. There, he runs into a mysterious lot of people who slowly approach while others teleport right next to him. As with any curious individual in any movie, hes dead meat as the music plays bad 70s pop music plays on. Ive never saw such a silly death scene before as the villagers apparently tickle him to death.

The following day, all the townsfolk appear and start treating the passengers. The town appointed mayor, Boris, explains to the passengers that none of the people were in town because they were at the graveyard and they were holding a funeral for one of the towns dearly departed. Right Anyways, Boris then goes asks some of the cooks in the back to go get some meat for the passengers and the big burly cook goes on to kill some random blacksmith for food. I got nothing on that.

After eating their mystery lunch meat and having Ernesto return (He is now a vampire, ghoul, or zombie judging by the makeup job), they decide to leave town. Unfortunately, their bus no longer works. Aint that a shocker! Boris takes them to the towns real head honcho called the Countess, who allows them to say in the town free of charge since its been so long since anyone came and she even gives them some money in case of trouble when they leave. Of course, when they leave

The Countess asks one of the members of the group, Cesar, to stay behind and read her some Shakespeare. As he does it, she then gets it on with him out of nowhere and as strange music that I hear on Weather Channel plays. There is nothing like making love while hearing about the 7 day forecast. After making whoopee, Countess goes all vampire on his ass and bites his neck, but doesnt suck his blood. Then she throws him off the balcony and he is eaten alive by zombie/vampire villagers.

We cut away to a female passenger called Alma getting dressed as Luis, a person who randomly stumbled upon the city, peeps on her yet again. Classy. Ernesto also tricks two of the passengers, Marcos and Cesar, out of the hotel and into the bus, where he traps them in with a bunch of the townspeople. I would say they suck their blood or eat them, but it looks more like they rubbing and caressing them.

Luis suspects something is going on, especially now that the bus disappeared, and tells Alma about it. Then in a very bizarre move, the scene cuts away to a waterfall with very cheerful and upbeat jazz. Quite a contradiction from that last scene. Someone needs to talk with the people in charge of the music. Anyways, we see the little girl and mysterious boy from earlier (When did he reappear?) playing hide and go seek while the big burly man from before chases after another townsfolk to make him into a meal. Ah alright then.

You know, its hard to describe this movie and talk about it as well. Its so darn boring and the editing is pretty bad, making this an extreme chore just to sit this movie, even once. Yet, Ill keep going despite my mind wandering more often than not.

Luis talks to Alma saying there are too many dangerous things here to stay any longer and then in a giggle worthy moment, Alma goes from calm and relaxed into a sobbing and emotional wreck in a split second. It is hilarious! He then tells her they have to leave that night to escape; otherwise the townsfolk will see them. Oh sure, leave in the middle of the night where there isnt much visibility and when there is a better chance to be ambushed. You sir are genius!

The little girls mother goes out to search for the girl as she and the mysterious boy continue wandering around the village. The two ended up at a graveyard (its always a graveyard) and it randomly turns night all of a sudden. Then those random village something or other show up, causing the boy to try to hide the little girl from them. Im confused. Isnt he a vampire or whatever? Then as he tries to hide the little girl from them, he suffocates her to death! Thank you movie for killing the only person I really gave a crap about. Oh yeah and the zombie/ghoul/whatchamacallits of the bus passengers lick, hug, or something the mother to death during her search. Again, it isnt very clear and rather weird.

What are these monsters anyways? Are they vampires, zombies, or ghouls? They can walk out during the middle of the day and not burn alive or sparkle. They dont look like they suck blood or much of it, they dont eat anyone (more like tickle or grope a person to death), they bleed, and they can be punked out by a pen in a later scene. What are these things?

Luis and Alma hop into his car and drive off, as the rest of the passengers and villagers try stopping them. I would describe the chase, but it wouldnt do much good. Its just them trying to drive away, constantly stopping for no reason instead of running the weirdoes down, villagers trying to the flip the car at some points, and terrible lighting & editing that make the scene extremely hard to actually watch.

As they drive away, the Countess jumps into the vehicle and tries to kill Alma. Alma then stabs her to death with a pen I think. Probably not a pen, but I would to think it is a pen would make this scene much more amusing and entertaining. The two head on their way to Bojoni, to recover from this madness, when they glance into the back and discover the Countess has disintegrated and maggots are covering the entire body. Dont know where that came from.

The two reach Bojoni and telling the police about this, but they naturally doesnt believe their tale and tell them that such village does not exist. How do the police explain the body then or did it completely disintegrate? To prove that it does, Luis and Alma go with the cops back to where the village is to show them. WHAT?! After all that crap you gone through, you are going back there?! Hell, I would have gone to the next country over instead of the next town.

Our film then ends with the police and the couple returning to the village, only to discover it has vanished! Where did it go?! Did it disappear when the Countess died? Can people only encounter this place every 20 or 50 years?! What happened to everyone else if this place vanished or possibly never existed?! If there was no village, is it like Monster A-Go Go where there was no monster? What was I was just watching?! Did I even watch anything!?

ARGH! Man this was bad! The plot is really confusing and extremely uninteresting to boot. The monsters are supposedly vampires, but they do not remind me of vampires outside of the fangs. The dubbing and soundtrack are terrible, really counteracting the creepy mood or scenes. The worst part of all it is the lighting, making it hard to tell whats happening in the scene and sometimes making it hard to tell people apart.

This is nothing else to say about this movie other than the fact that it actually made me hate writing this review, because I felt there wasnt enough to talk about or comment on. Thats not something that happens often either. Also, one other thing before I end. Where was that damn orgy I was offered when watching this?!