A prominent shoe company tells us that there is no finish line and no limit to what we can do. If we really buy into this, it's a recipe for disaster. Let me explain.

Several months ago, a very fit woman in her early 50s was advised to have routine gynecologic surgery. Although the surgery was not complicated, it did require general anesthesia. So the patient was advised that the minimum recuperative period was about eight weeks and to expect her energy level to take time to bounce back. In addition, there would be restrictions on lifting and driving.

Unfortunately, the patient didn't heed this advice. She kept up her very demanding professional schedule involving travel, book signings, and engagements with companies and institutions. Because she was relatively young and certainly fit, she thought she could ignore the doctors' advice. The outcome was predictable.

Speaking engagements were canceled, ticket sales had to be refunded, and convention managers were not happy campers. In short, the patient was unable to honor her commitments.

So the lesson is very clear: There are limits to what you can do. When you exceed those limits, the results are predictable. It may seem counterintuitive, but you must take care of yourself to avoid letting others down.

While the value of observing our limits is undebatable as Dr. Creagan has beautifully illustrated, I can totally sympathize with Helen's comments about how to eliminate the activities to cope with stress when things are tight. We would like to delegate but what to do when no one is available. Yes, the demands of life are high. After doing everything in our power to reduce the demands on ourselves, I would like to suggest that you take a closer look at your expectations: the &quot;shoulds&quot; and &quot;musts&quot; that we have in our head. It is an eye opener to actually sit down and write all the things you have to do today. Now see whose demands are these. Did you consciously make them or following them out of habit? Are these your mother's, husband's, society's?
eg: I must have my house spotless.
I should say yes everytime someone asks for help.
Now check to see if they are giving you joy. If not, may be you can choose to let them go.
A famous quote: Stop shoulding on yourself.
You can access a lot more stress relief tools and tips for free at http://internationalstressreliefacademy.com/
Thank you.

Hyma

April 14, 2011 12:11 p.m.

I've lived with chronic illness for numerous years and must sometimes let family/friends down because my body has it's own agenda. Eventually I learned to deal with the problem like this: I told them that I'd probably be available 50% of the time, and the other 50% I may be out of commission, even if it meant cancelling at the last minute. There's been some hard feelings on both sides sometimes because of me having to bail out. That part makes me sad and frustrated with them temporarily. But then I try to remember that they haven't walked in my shoes and because I appear healthy and functional much of the time, it's hard for them to grasp my inability to be the mom and gr'ma we'd all love for me to be. I'll admit that sometimes I still push my limits because I want to do things with and for others, and I pay a steep price for mismanaging my illness. I'm fortunate to be retired, but if I had to work outside my home, I'd definitely have to simplify my life extremely, and engage my family in every aspect of doing so, including delegating tasks, even to the much younger children. I need to take my own advice because I still attempt to wait on my family when I'm with them, to my detriment later! Good luck to everyone trying to juggle this problem.

Chel

April 14, 2011 7:48 a.m.

In these times with one person doing the work of many who have been let go, it's often very hard to have a choice in what those limits are. I wish it was as simple as recognizing our limits. I can recognize them, but if I have no choice but to work very long days for less pay and take care of family, what part of that should I realistically be able to let go of.
This was a good example, but I would also appreciate more on how to cope with stress when we have fewer and fewer choices of what to eliminate in our lives.
Thank you.

helen

April 7, 2011 3:26 p.m.

To &quot;take care of yourself to avoid letting others down&quot; is not always possible for people who have chronic medical conditions; and with good counselling are advised to take care of themselves, to make plans, to live as full and active lives as possible, and in being realistic with their limitations to disclose to family, friends, coworkers, the condition they are dealing with may prevent them from fulfilling their commitments at times. I think by only presenting the scenario that addresses an otherwise healthy population, it's a disservice to people struggling with chronic illness.

Karen

April 7, 2011 10:21 a.m.

It seems like your blogs always remind me of something. This time it reminded me of the recent scare and emergency landing of the plane because of the hole in it. When the oxygen masks were deployed, the passengers only had seconds to get them on before they were unable to help themselves or others.

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