4 Ways to Help an Aging Parent Who Doesn’t Want Assistance

By Chris Cruse, 9:00 am on November 23, 2018

Trying to help an aging parent who doesn’t want assistance can be frustrating, and you don’t want your insistence to interfere with your relationship. When you feel like you hit a wall, try the following strategies designed to help seniors come around to the idea of accepting care.

1. Get to the Heart of the Matter

Older adults often refuse assistance for a reason. For instance, your parent may be under the impression that getting help is just one more step toward losing his or her independence. Try to establish an open atmosphere that allows your parent to tell you the truth about his or her situation. Once you know your loved one’s fears, you can address these issues directly. Explain to your parent the various benefits of receiving help with daily tasks.

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2. Ask Others to Get Involved

It doesn’t matter how old you get, you’ll always be your parent’s child. Older adults may have difficulty taking advice from their children, and your parent may dismiss your concerns as being silly or invalid. If you suspect this is the case, seek out people your parent considers to be authorities. Doctors, old friends, and religious authorities are a few people your parent may choose to listen to out of respect for their opinion. As you ask others to get involved, be cautious not to invade your parent’s privacy since this could make the situation worse. Instead, simply mention a few of the things you know your parent has already shared with them, such as a recent health diagnosis or injury. Then, let them know you’d appreciate having someone talk to your parent about how professional assistance could help him or her heal.

3. Try Changing Your Tactics

It could be that your current strategies for encouraging your parent to accept assistance are putting him or her off. No one likes to be told what to do, and it’s possible that the words and actions you think are well-meaning are being taken the wrong way. For instance, you may be warning your parent about all your safety concerns, and all your loved one hears is you saying he or she is incapable of being independent. Step back and try to see how your words come across to your parent. Then, try changing how you approach the subject. Focus on one type of assistance, such as having someone cook meals, which is far less overwhelming than discussing your loved one’s health conditions.

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4. Keep Your Parent in Control

Your parent should still call the shots as long as he or she can make good decisions. Make sure your loved one knows this by involving him or her in the process of selecting a caregiver. Your parent is likely to choose a caregiver on his or her own. To make the caregiver selection process even more effective, set up a time to discuss how things are going during the initial adjustment period.

Living independently is important for seniors who want to maintain a high quality of life. For some, this simply means receiving help with tasks that have become more challenging to manage over time. Even when families have the best intentions, they may not have the time to provide the care their elderly loved ones need and deserve. If your loved one needs help for a few hours a day or a few days a week, reach out to Home Care Assistance, a trusted provider of respite care Des Moines seniors can depend on. To talk to one of our professional Care Managers, give us a call at (515) 264-2438 today.