'Remarkable Women' speaker aims to inspire

Teresa Edwards, right, shares with Carol Ball just how much her outlook on family and structure influenced Edwards' life.

MOLLY MCGOWAN/TIMES-NEWS

By MOLLY MCGOWANTimes-News Staff Writer

Published: Wednesday, July 23, 2014 at 11:23 p.m.

Last Modified: Wednesday, July 23, 2014 at 11:23 p.m.

Teresa Edwards said she could have easily become an addict. Growing up in Laurinburg, vodka and Valium filled the silence created by her non-communicative parents, who she couldn't tell about the sexual abuse she faced each summer she was sent to visit her grandparents in Hendersonville.

But Edwards decided she wouldn't become another “sad story,” and changed her life's direction after being impacted by two strong women.

She shared her story Wednesday with the interns, staff and supporters of the Dandelion Eatery in Hendersonville, explaining their impact could be profound on another person – even when they least expected it.

Edwards spoke during the third of four Conversations with Remarkable Women, a series designed by Mainstay – Henderson County's nonprofit domestic violence center – to empower women facing hardship. The Dandelion is Mainstay's job training program, which teaches interns job skills and interpersonal skills so they may find lasting employment.

Edwards' grandfather began abusing her when she was 4, when she and all her cousins were sent to their grandparents' farm in Hendersonville. She said none of the female grandchildren were safe from his advances, and even suspects her own mother was abused by her grandfather.

When Edwards' nuclear family decided to move from Laurinburg to Hendersonville, she decided, “I was not going to be that person. I could say no,” and became the mother hen who herded her female cousins away from him.

It was in junior high school when the realization of her father's alcoholism hit Edwards, and she said there were weeks when neither of her parents spoke to anyone in the family.

Everything changed for Edwards when her best friend's father got remarried to Carol Ball, who taught her how a functional family operated. She learned that family members talked – even when it's most difficult – and they share responsibilities around the house.

“I was there so much she gave me chores,” Edwards said. “It was pivotal to me. This is how family works.”

She said she still uses phrases she picked up from Ball, such as, “This is a family of four, with a cat and a dog and this is how it's going to work.” Now, Edwards gives a similar line to the employees of the seven McDonalds restaurants in Henderson County that she and her husband own: “This is a store of 65 people and this is what we have to do to make it work.”

Another key phrase that's stuck with Edwards is, “Is that a factor in your life or is it ruling you?” Whether it was a skinned knee or something much more serious, Ball's words always put things into perspective for Edwards.

Which is why she decided her grandfather's abuse was just a factor in her life – she wasn't going to let it rule her.

The second person to leave a lasting impact on Edwards was Carolyn “Nan” Holland, who became a mother to her, whereas Ball had been a life coach. The mother of Edwards' best friend in her adult life became Edwards' neighbor when she married her husband and moved elsewhere in Hendersonville.

When Edwards would complain about her biological mother never talking to her or being there for her during her formative years, Nan would say something to the effect of, “So you didn't have a mom and your dad drank. Plenty of people don't have moms, and plenty of people have alcoholic dads. What are you going to do to make sure that doesn't happen to your kids?”

Today, Edwards said she takes Nan's advice by mentoring the young men and women who work at her McDonald's restaurants, encouraging them to communicate regularly with their parents – even in tough situations like teenage pregnancy.

And she encourages other women – like those gathered Wednesday night – to pass on a shred of hope to other individuals who may be struggling through the most difficult times of their lives.

In addition to her story Wednesday, Edwards became the founding member of the new Remarkable Women Giving Circle, a philanthropic venture in which members raise money for the Dandelion Opportunity Fund – which in turn provides short-term, targeted grants to women while they pursue job training or education.

Tanya Blackford, Mainstay's executive director, explained that Dandelion Opportunity Fund grants could, for example, offset cost-of-living expenditures for a woman who can't work while attending classes for a specific certification – like CNA2 – that would ultimately put her in a higher salary bracket.

The grants can also include books, childcare, tuition, transportation, or health care. A person can become a supporting member of the Remarkable Women Giving Circle with an annual donation of $250 to $999, or a full voting member with $1,000 or more – meaning he or she would be involved in choosing grant recipients.

For more information about the Dandelion Opportunity Fund or the Remarkable Women Giving Circle, call Community Outreach Director Pamela Rogers at 828-693-3840.

<p>Teresa Edwards said she could have easily become an addict. Growing up in Laurinburg, vodka and Valium filled the silence created by her non-communicative parents, who she couldn't tell about the sexual abuse she faced each summer she was sent to visit her grandparents in Hendersonville.</p><p>But Edwards decided she wouldn't become another “sad story,” and changed her life's direction after being impacted by two strong women.</p><p>She shared her story Wednesday with the interns, staff and supporters of the Dandelion Eatery in Hendersonville, explaining their impact could be profound on another person – even when they least expected it.</p><p>Edwards spoke during the third of four Conversations with Remarkable Women, a series designed by Mainstay – Henderson County's nonprofit domestic violence center – to empower women facing hardship. The Dandelion is Mainstay's job training program, which teaches interns job skills and interpersonal skills so they may find lasting employment.</p><p>Edwards' grandfather began abusing her when she was 4, when she and all her cousins were sent to their grandparents' farm in Hendersonville. She said none of the female grandchildren were safe from his advances, and even suspects her own mother was abused by her grandfather.</p><p>When Edwards' nuclear family decided to move from Laurinburg to Hendersonville, she decided, “I was not going to be that person. I could say no,” and became the mother hen who herded her female cousins away from him.</p><p>It was in junior high school when the realization of her father's alcoholism hit Edwards, and she said there were weeks when neither of her parents spoke to anyone in the family.</p><p>Everything changed for Edwards when her best friend's father got remarried to Carol Ball, who taught her how a functional family operated. She learned that family members talked – even when it's most difficult – and they share responsibilities around the house.</p><p>“I was there so much she gave me chores,” Edwards said. “It was pivotal to me. This is how family works.”</p><p>She said she still uses phrases she picked up from Ball, such as, “This is a family of four, with a cat and a dog and this is how it's going to work.” Now, Edwards gives a similar line to the employees of the seven McDonalds restaurants in Henderson County that she and her husband own: “This is a store of 65 people and this is what we have to do to make it work.”</p><p>Another key phrase that's stuck with Edwards is, “Is that a factor in your life or is it ruling you?” Whether it was a skinned knee or something much more serious, Ball's words always put things into perspective for Edwards.</p><p>Which is why she decided her grandfather's abuse was just a factor in her life – she wasn't going to let it rule her.</p><p>“I became a 'be productive, move forward' person,” Edwards told the crowd Wednesday.</p><p>The second person to leave a lasting impact on Edwards was Carolyn “Nan” Holland, who became a mother to her, whereas Ball had been a life coach. The mother of Edwards' best friend in her adult life became Edwards' neighbor when she married her husband and moved elsewhere in Hendersonville.</p><p>When Edwards would complain about her biological mother never talking to her or being there for her during her formative years, Nan would say something to the effect of, “So you didn't have a mom and your dad drank. Plenty of people don't have moms, and plenty of people have alcoholic dads. What are you going to do to make sure that doesn't happen to your kids?”</p><p>Today, Edwards said she takes Nan's advice by mentoring the young men and women who work at her McDonald's restaurants, encouraging them to communicate regularly with their parents – even in tough situations like teenage pregnancy.</p><p>And she encourages other women – like those gathered Wednesday night – to pass on a shred of hope to other individuals who may be struggling through the most difficult times of their lives.</p><p>In addition to her story Wednesday, Edwards became the founding member of the new Remarkable Women Giving Circle, a philanthropic venture in which members raise money for the Dandelion Opportunity Fund – which in turn provides short-term, targeted grants to women while they pursue job training or education.</p><p>Tanya Blackford, Mainstay's executive director, explained that Dandelion Opportunity Fund grants could, for example, offset cost-of-living expenditures for a woman who can't work while attending classes for a specific certification – like CNA2 – that would ultimately put her in a higher salary bracket.</p><p>The grants can also include books, childcare, tuition, transportation, or health care. A person can become a supporting member of the Remarkable Women Giving Circle with an annual donation of $250 to $999, or a full voting member with $1,000 or more – meaning he or she would be involved in choosing grant recipients.</p><p>For more information about the Dandelion Opportunity Fund or the Remarkable Women Giving Circle, call Community Outreach Director Pamela Rogers at 828-693-3840.</p><p>___</p><p>Reach McGowan at molly.mcgowan@blueridgenow.com or 828-694-7871.</p><p>___</p><p>Follow Molly McGowan on Twitter at https://twitter.com/TNmollymcgowan</p>