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Topic : 06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

Number of Replies: 169

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Created on : Friday, January 19, 2007, 01:23:14 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/24/07) Do you find yourself wondering where your relationship with your child went wrong? You say it’s your child. Your child says it’s you. Who’s to blame? Dr. Phil uncovers where the problem lies in these families. Penny says her life is in shambles because her 17-year-old son, Jason, is extremely threatening and violent. Jason says his mother is a lazy alcoholic, and all he has ever wanted was to feel loved by her. Penny’s sister, Jackie, says Penny has a drinking problem and wants the mother and son to get help before they kill each other. Then, Kim has three sons –- 14, 2 and 15 months -- but says she loves her middle son, Cullen, the most. She has pictures of him all over her house, but not her other two sons. She takes Cullen to bed with her at night, while the baby cries himself to sleep in his own room, and she buys Cullen new clothes, while her youngest gets hand-me-downs. Her oldest son says he has felt neglected his whole life and is worried the baby will feel that way too. Kim’s friend, Starlette, says Kim’s baby has even started calling her Mama. What’s behind Kim’s favoritism, and why does she feel justified? Share your thoughts here.

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Mothers/Children

Sitting here I understand alot of what you are all feeling. I have seen this many times. I know some arent prochoice and thats okay but this is a good reason why I am prochoice. I was raised that you have children with only the man you love for you will then love your children as much. I didn't believe that as much until I witnessed it with my sister. She has 2 children she favors her son over her daughter. Her daughter is by a man that she now hates, and she really didn't even love him when she became pregnant. He son's father is her ex husband that she still loves and didn't even want to end it. That is not always the case but it happens enough that women she think twice about why they are having a child. I have my son with my husband, we made a good foundation for our marriage and I do love him. I wanted a child that was made of both of us. And there isn't a day that goes by that I feel so lucky to have my son. And in 4 years we plan to have another one, hoping its a girl but will be very happy with another boy.

I strongly disagree

I went through the same thing as that woman. My son ran the house, punched holes in the wall and cursed
and threaten me. He started to hate me. He didn't want to work or go to school. He put me down and yelled at me. He was out all night and slept all day. I was a single Mom. I did everything for him and wanted the best for him. To come home from work
every day was so hard, because I never knew what kind of mood he would be in. He had me so scared of him. I felt battered. I had to get tranquilizers to help
me relax and sleep. When he turned 20 I moved out.
He was very angry at me...he is now married and is still angry at me. As far as he is concern, I was a bad parent. A mother can't always be blamed. A 17 year
old boy should move if he is unhappy at home instead of being allow to batter his mother. No wonder she can't stop drinking.

I am a 19 year old woman who grew up with an alcoholic mother myself. I got great grades, followed all the rules and never swore at my mother and she blames me for all of the stress in her life. I moved out of the house at 17 years old because I could no longer handle living with an alcoholic. I think it is wrong of you to say that he should move out if he is unhappy. 17 is just a child your just finishing highschool and are confused about what you want to do with your life. I just feel that saying a 17 year old should move out because his mother is an alcoholic and hes not happy about it is really sad.

My mother says she was always there for me and that she always did what was best for me. Im sorry but screaming drunkly at your children everyday and letting them see you drunk is NOT doing what is best for them. And I find it funny that your saying "no wonder she cant stop drinking" Im sure she was drinking before her child was born and it is ridiulous to blame a child for the mothers addiction.

Another Country Heard From

I am a 19 year old woman who grew up with an alcoholic mother myself. I got great grades, followed all the rules and never swore at my mother and she blames me for all of the stress in her life. I moved out of the house at 17 years old because I could no longer handle living with an alcoholic. I think it is wrong of you to say that he should move out if he is unhappy. 17 is just a child your just finishing highschool and are confused about what you want to do with your life. I just feel that saying a 17 year old should move out because his mother is an alcoholic and hes not happy about it is really sad.

My mother says she was always there for me and that she always did what was best for me. Im sorry but screaming drunkly at your children everyday and letting them see you drunk is NOT doing what is best for them. And I find it funny that your saying "no wonder she cant stop drinking" Im sure she was drinking before her child was born and it is ridiulous to blame a child for the mothers addiction.

Give me your views on it if you'd like.

I think you misinterpreted what the other lady was saying. I don't recall her saying SHE had been drinking. Even if she had, that gives her son no right to abuse her. She wasn't intending to say that a 17 should just move out if they are unhappy. I don't think she meant anything that simple. In my opinion, she should have had her abusive son arrested. You just can't find a rationale for the abuse.

Your case is far different. You had the maturity not found in most people at 17 or even 25. You took the action that helped you in your life and made a very hard decision. I commend you for that. All I'm really saying is that I don't think the two situations compare well.

The problem is that we have her situation, yours, and the one on the program all mixed together when they shouldn't be. Each situation is different. I do, by the way, very much agree with your comment about the mother blaming the child for her addiction.

06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

06/27 Problem Parent or Problem Child?

The golden child of our family was my brother. This caused fights between my parents. We were a family of 4 children. The family fell apart after my fathers death in 1981. It started with my mother giving my brother the family farm, telling the rest of the children thats what my father wanted,BULL. It went down hill from there. My sister has not spoke to my mother or brother since around 1991. My other sister takes care of my mother only because she has a heart of gold but does try to avoid talking to her when she can. I myself have got to the point where I could care less if I donot see or hear from my brother again. I gave him agift awhile back and he never called to thank me . If I saw him it was because I went to see him and if I talked to him it was because Icalled him. I was in the hospital 6 weeks ago and he didnot bother to call. I guess its because it was the way he was raised as the favorite of my mother. I didnot talk to my mother from around 1993 until 2003. I tried having another relationship with her but it failed, All had to do with my brother. If my mother calls I speak to her but thats it. Its a shame she missed 14 years of her 18 year old grandchilds life. I was told by my sister that when my wife and I son was born, the first words out of her mouth were I was hoping your other brother would have the first male grandchild. Is that not pitiful. This may sound mean of me but you know what they say you get what you deserve, My brother tried 3 times but couldnot give my mother her golden male granchild and just as my mother is aging and in declining health my brother quits his job and moves 800 miles away. She thought he would be here to take care of her, so much that she bet the farm on it. So young parents beware, donot make a mistake that you will pay for the rest of your life, TREAT YOUR CHILDREN EQUALLY!!!!!!!!

I can't imagine what ya'll went thru..it sounds alot like my husband's family...i dont get along with my inlaws because they have always treated our kids differently than her grandkids by her daughter..our son is 9 years old and cries alot thinking his nana hates him because he watch for the 5 yrs (around) that we lived in the same town his nana would take the other 2 grandkids to places like WWE wrestling when it came to town (she got mad at me for not letting her babysit them because my kids love my bestfriend to watch them instead of her) but in reality she wouldn't have watched them anyways due to her going to the same deal. everything went totally down hill for all of us when i got pregnant with our daughter...my daughter would cry and i mean like cry when a kid doesnt trust the person they are around i never understood other than she senses the hostility or the bad thoughts my mother n law had for me..my daughter looks like me and she couldn't stand it so what does she do everytime she had a chance to insult me and my daughter when my hubby went outside while we were visiting she would take it...she would call my daughter fat and my baby girl was only a month old when she started being ugly towards her and when i confronted her about it infront of my hubby all she said was why should i take it personal i should love my daughter looking like me my hubby after that quit wanting to go visit her because of how she treated us, i never understood the hatetred she has for me...we decided to move for the benefit of my kids we moved closer to my parents so our kids would have a chance to be around people who love them and not take things out on them for hatred people have for me... our son weighs 60 pounds and tall like his daddy and she would even say he is eating too much that maybe he needs to be on a diet...come on they are just kids and she is wanting them to have all sorts of eating disorders i wont let that happen its my job and their daddy's job to protect them... all i ever did was love her son and his son by someone else (he is my stepson but i would give my life for him in a heartbeat) all we are trying to do is raise our kids around people who love them. it would always have to be us to visit or call and when they did call they expected us to give them money anytime they want or else she would get mad and start a fight saying she raised him he owes her that much... our kids dont owe us anything! we choose to have them and raise them they didnt choose us. when we said we were leaving she started crying and my heart did go out to her but they never once call just to see how the kids are (her hubby which is my hubby's dad cared more about the kids and us than she ever did so the one i felt sorry for the most was him..he would come over after he had the accident thru his work which made him not able to work anymore ..he would come over just to visit now that sweet coming from a man who was in a electric wheelchair at the time..and to this day he is the one who calls ...he left his wife because she didnt want him anymore since he couldn't work i mean we dont marry our husbands just because they work we marry them because we love them and its suppose to be in health and sickness..he stood by her when she was sick and even when she spent all his money on bingo habbits he stood by her....so yes i dont understand it..she has our number and dont call. my hubby's sister is the same way..she had the odasity to tell me i was being a bad mother for not constantly spend 24/7 with our son when she never wanted to be there for neither one of our kids... my mother n law never liked me because when me and my hubby first met he was staying with them til he can get on his feet again and when he started dating me ..he didnt give his whole check to her anymore so she didnt have that extra money for her gambling habbits and decided to take it out on out kids once our daughter was born because our daughter is a momma's baby and would see right thru her ..our daughter would scream bloody murder when my mother in law insisted on just taking her out of my hands of course she would keep screaming til i couldnt stand her feeling hurt for her nana to do that that i would take her back i dont believe you should make a child be in someone's arms when they dont want to.... anyways i know where you are coming from...i better go bye for now....

Platent favortism

I have two beautiful step-daughters, who mother expresses platent favortism over the youngest. My husband, their dad, has always tried to treat each one equally. The mother does things for the youngest, but wouldn't think of doing it for the oldest. The older daughter is much like her, as the younger, is much like her dad. I've always thought she still carries a torch for my husband. She "had" to remarry, she got knocked up by here current husband. Even with this "other" child, she still favors the younger daughters. All of the platent favortism has caused the older the have SERIOUS self esteem problems. Her mother has always said, she will not amount to any thing, but in fact, is highly more intelligent than her mother. Unfortunately, she is a pathetic excuse for a mother. I came from a family with my sister, 13 months different and were always treated equally. She can't seem to see how destructive her behavior is. She's perfect , you know.

I cannot believe she has any kids at all

I do know one thing before seeing the show, she needs to stop having kids, since she loves the middle child the most. I feel bad for the oldest because if I were him, I would hate her. It's mean to say hate, but from what I've read, she has issues. The poor baby, letting him cry himself to sleep. If the 2 year old is going to keep being spoiled like he is, he's going to be a brat to his siblings. In short, she's neglecting her other 2 and needs to use her frickin common sense, if she has any (she probably doesn't).

I have three kids myself and I do not play favoritism. I treat them the same way. All of my kids are the light of my life, I will die for them. I don't think she should have any of them at all. I can't believe she actually has a favorite. That makes me so upset. People like her needs to come back to reality and treat all three of her children the same. She does need to come to her senses. GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD!!!!

my mother did the same thing to my sister and i--my sister has spina bifida (not a severe form, she can walk) and i was left out. my mother did my sister's homework, never disciplined her, let her do what ever she wanted. i was the one who had to stay home with my mother (she has epilepsy) and not have a normal childhood. i used to defend my mother and sister until i turned 6 and by then i had just given up on worrying about them and raised my self.

to the mother----if you dont want our other two children, let dr. phill know---i'll take them, i have a large home with a HUGE yard and a 3 year old son for them to play with.