I had a similar conversation with my MIL about our car right after our youngest child was born.

Prior to YDD's birth, any time my little 3 person family and the ILs went out somewhere, we'd just take one car. But YDD's birth changed that, as our 5-seater car now had 4 of those 5 seats occupied. MIL complained bitterly about what a "horrible situation" (yes, she used those exact words.) the whole thing was. Our car seats were too big. Our backseat was too small. Blah blah blah. She still complains about it, some 5 years later.

Here's where my brain hurts and she just can't understand. Even if our car seats weren't behemoths* and our car had a roomier backseat, we still only have 5 seats and 6 people. I'm not sure what she wants us to do about it, other than go out and buy a minivan. Which we aren't going to do.

*and we've graduated to boosters, which take up much less room. Guess what! Still only 5 seats...

If we have a second child, I can see this conversation happening with my MIL. Before DS was born, she always insisted that we come over to the ILs' house first, and then FIL, MIL, DH, and I will travel together in one car, even if it would be closer to us to just head directly to the place/restaurant. After DS was born, she switched to insisting that we still go over to their house first, then we take our car because it has the car seat in it. I bet if we have a second child, somehow she'll find a way to try to insist that we take one car even though there won't be enough seats.

I had a similar conversation with my MIL about our car right after our youngest child was born.

Prior to YDD's birth, any time my little 3 person family and the ILs went out somewhere, we'd just take one car. But YDD's birth changed that, as our 5-seater car now had 4 of those 5 seats occupied. MIL complained bitterly about what a "horrible situation" (yes, she used those exact words.) the whole thing was. Our car seats were too big. Our backseat was too small. Blah blah blah. She still complains about it, some 5 years later.

Here's where my brain hurts and she just can't understand. Even if our car seats weren't behemoths* and our car had a roomier backseat, we still only have 5 seats and 6 people. I'm not sure what she wants us to do about it, other than go out and buy a minivan. Which we aren't going to do.

*and we've graduated to boosters, which take up much less room. Guess what! Still only 5 seats...

If we have a second child, I can see this conversation happening with my MIL. Before DS was born, she always insisted that we come over to the ILs' house first, and then FIL, MIL, DH, and I will travel together in one car, even if it would be closer to us to just head directly to the place/restaurant. After DS was born, she switched to insisting that we still go over to their house first, then we take our car because it has the car seat in it. I bet if we have a second child, somehow she'll find a way to try to insist that we take one car even though there won't be enough seats.

This sounds like a textbook opportunity for "Sorry, but that won't work for us." (Repeat verbatim as necessary until she gives up).

I had a similar conversation with my MIL about our car right after our youngest child was born.

Prior to YDD's birth, any time my little 3 person family and the ILs went out somewhere, we'd just take one car. But YDD's birth changed that, as our 5-seater car now had 4 of those 5 seats occupied. MIL complained bitterly about what a "horrible situation" (yes, she used those exact words.) the whole thing was. Our car seats were too big. Our backseat was too small. Blah blah blah. She still complains about it, some 5 years later.

Here's where my brain hurts and she just can't understand. Even if our car seats weren't behemoths* and our car had a roomier backseat, we still only have 5 seats and 6 people. I'm not sure what she wants us to do about it, other than go out and buy a minivan. Which we aren't going to do.

*and we've graduated to boosters, which take up much less room. Guess what! Still only 5 seats...

If we have a second child, I can see this conversation happening with my MIL. Before DS was born, she always insisted that we come over to the ILs' house first, and then FIL, MIL, DH, and I will travel together in one car, even if it would be closer to us to just head directly to the place/restaurant. After DS was born, she switched to insisting that we still go over to their house first, then we take our car because it has the car seat in it. I bet if we have a second child, somehow she'll find a way to try to insist that we take one car even though there won't be enough seats.

This sounds like a textbook opportunity for "Sorry, but that won't work for us." (Repeat verbatim as necessary until she gives up).

Oh, we do that now. We only take one car if we're already at their house before going somewhere, and we plan on going back to their house. It's just exhausting to constantly tell her no. I don't understand why she thinks taking two cars is so horrible, and she never articulated any practical reason. Then again, this is just the tip of the iceberg of her controlling nature.

I had (yet another) exchange with the girl who lives in the apartment above me. She bangs around at all hours of the night. We're talking thuds that rattle the ceiling fan and shake the walls. Even my fish can feel these thuds, and he writhes around in his fishbowl. It seems like she's stomping around and dropping furniture. We've had a few (civil) discussions about it, but she vacillates from "I'm not doing anything at all and half the time I'm not even there" to "I'm not doing anything loud/unreasonable". I've taken to hitting the ceiling above me with the handle of a broom like some sort of cantankerous old lady. Last night at 3 a.m. I was jolted awake by one of the loudest thuds I've heard and I promptly hit the ceiling with a few taps of the broom. The first time I started she said that it was a good "gauge" for if she was being loud or not and then last night she changed her tune again. (Bear in mind, the following conversation happened in very neutral tones, but it was still mind-boggling.

Her: "So, I've noticed that you've started hitting the ceiling again...."Me: "Yes."Her: "Well, it's actually starting to bother me, so"-Me: "Being jolted up at 3 a.m. bothers me, so I hit the ceiling." Her: "Right, but I was about to go to bed. I noticed immediately after I moved my chair you started banging on the ceiling and the noise is bothering me."Me: "Right. I was just hitting the ceiling right where the noises were coming from." Her: "Well, I double checked the blueprints and the only thing right above your apartment is my apartment and I wasn't doing anything loud." Me: "Oh, I see. Well, I was hitting the exact spot where the noises were happening, which is right above my ceiling fan." Her: "I'm not doing anything unreasonable. You know, you might want to consider moving out of the apartments..."Me: "Let me put it this way. I sleep in earplugs. I sleep with the fan on. I sleep with a white noise machine on at full volume. There is something that has been waking me up. It is loud enough, vibrates the ceiling fan enough, and lasts long enough that I can pinpoint its exact location, and that is the spot I am hitting. I will continue to hit it until the noise goes away."Her: "Well, it might be the guy beside me. I mean, I've had noise complaints called on me before so I don't do loud stuff anymore."Me: "All I know is that I'm hitting the exact spot where the noise and vibrations are coming from."Her: "But that's my apartment."Me: "...okay I'll just talk to the manager tomorrow."

Geez, Adelaide, now MY brain hurts. She sounds like she's being deliberately obtuse.

StuffedGrapeLeaves, my mother-in-law is controlling as can be, too. Her daughters just fall in line, as did both her sons until her elder son met and married me. I'm stubborn to a fault, and whereas I'll take a certain amount of being pushed around, I have my limits.

MIL is very fond of making plans for other people and expecting them to fall in line. One Christmas Day during dinner, she announced that she was going to host Boxing Day dinner, and she expected the entire family to be there. My husband and I didn't want to go (our attitude was "We just saw you on Christmas Day. What the heck are we going to talk about less than 24 hours later?"). So, I piped up and said "I'm sorry; we won't be able to make it. We already have plans." She spat "WHAT plans?" I looked her straight in the eye and said "Sleeping in, shopping the sales, then coming home and eating Chinese food in our pyjamas."

Geez, Adelaide, now MY brain hurts. She sounds like she's being deliberately obtuse.

I think she is. But she puts on this slow, explanatory tone that makes my skin crawl. It's like she thinks she's explaining something very simple to a toddler. I'm sure she doesn't actually believe herself, but she comes across like she does and like I'm a simpleton.

Geez, Adelaide, now MY brain hurts. She sounds like she's being deliberately obtuse.

I think she is. But she puts on this slow, explanatory tone that makes my skin crawl. It's like she thinks she's explaining something very simple to a toddler. I'm sure she doesn't actually believe herself, but she comes across like she does and like I'm a simpleton.

She's probably hoping that if she gaslights you enough you'll just assume it's you and not her and stop complaining.

@StuffedGrapeLeaves:Is she usually OK with driving in any other situation? My grandparents are now reluctant to drive to my aunt's place (the closest relative they have, almost in the same city) because neither of them feel comfortable driving at night, or in the rain, or in the snow.. anymore - they just never said it like that at first so we didn't understand why they wouldn't visit anymore. Maybe something to consider.

@Adelaide: How about filming yourself/ your room during the night to have a proof? Either just for noisy-girl so that she finally realise what she's doing, or just to have documentation/proof if you need to file a complaint.

I have filed complaints, which presents another brain-hurty situation itself. See, an employee of the building has to hear the noise before they'll file a complaint. So if the noise lasts all of 30 seconds and an employee comes in and doesn't hear anything...no dice. I've tried filming it but a) it's so sporadic that I can't get a camera up in time and b) my iPhone camera isn't that great quality. It's more of the fact that it's a thudding/thumping that rattles things than the actual volume.

There are small and relatively inexpensive sound-activated recorders. Maybe you could buy or rent one of those for a few nights? Some are even equipped with built in clocks that turn on and show the time and duration of the noise.

My family, DH, DS and I, as well as my husband's parents live just over an hour away from MIL's only living sibling. Aunt R and her husband Uncle W refuse to drive any of the distance, not even to meet halfway.

They are retired, they spend their time puttering around the house and doing what they want, which is fine with me. But every few months, they want to meet for dinner, or to see us or MIL and they will never drive more than 10 miles from their home. They just bought a new vehicle, so having a reliable vehicle is not the reason.

Logged

ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."-J.R.R Tolkien

There are small and relatively inexpensive sound-activated recorders. Maybe you could buy or rent one of those for a few nights? Some are even equipped with built in clocks that turn on and show the time and duration of the noise.

POD to this. I bought one online when I was living in an apartment underneath a herd of horny elephants. I'm going to see if I can find it and send you a link to buy one yourself. It was pretty cheap at the time, even for a poor student like me.

I have filed complaints, which presents another brain-hurty situation itself. See, an employee of the building has to hear the noise before they'll file a complaint. So if the noise lasts all of 30 seconds and an employee comes in and doesn't hear anything...no dice. I've tried filming it but a) it's so sporadic that I can't get a camera up in time and b) my iPhone camera isn't that great quality. It's more of the fact that it's a thudding/thumping that rattles things than the actual volume.

Would it count for anything that she admitted to you that she was moving furniture? I assume that's what she meant by "I had just moved my chair," unless she was just saying she had just moved her desk chair to stand up, although I can't imagine that that would be loud enough to wake you.

I have been voice recording our conversations. I'm not sure about this state's laws about admissible evidence, but I'm sure the apartment managers would gladly listen to them. PastryGoddess, that would be fabulous. I might rig one to the ceiling.

When she last left, she seemed sufficiently upset at the thought that I will not back off on banging on the ceiling. I'm hoping that will be enough to discourage her from being noisy, but you never know.