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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Beware the Bewhiskered

This guy...

is known as Reg "Hairy" McLairy or The Tashmeister. He is seriously into his moustache. He preens and primps it three hours a day. He's a little odd. He's responsible for the spread of moustachism worldwide, which led to the fad that became a thing of women wearing fake 'staches.As you can probably tell from the pic, he's also into barbershop quartet singing. Those close-harmony renditions of old crap songs like "Sweet Adeline" or "Goodnight Sweetheart" that are only tolerated because they are technically skilful despite being not at all entertaining. Wearing a striped blazer, silly hat and white pants a la Dick Van Dyke during the penguin sequence in Mary Poppins with a bunch of other similarly attired men and boring people to tears with songs like "Coney Island Washboard" or "Nobody Knows What A Redheaded Mama Can Do" McLairy and his fellow criminals, The Bewhiskered Gentlefellows, travel the length and breadth of the country, showing off their facial hair felonies and spreading their message. Not quite sure what the message actually is, but we'll get to that later.The other three members of The Bewhiskered Gentlefellows are pictured below.

Terrance McTavish, baritone and cravat.

Paddy O'Dawes, tenor and bowtie.

Snoots McGee-Cheeseworth, alto and stetson.

If you see these guys and survive, please let us know. We need to put a stop to their nefarious noodlings and ne'er-do-well deeds. Rest assured we'll give your call top priority.More info on Friday!