Monday, November 22, 2010

Saturated with Hot Loads of Anointing

I've admired you and your Great and Terrible Sword of Anointing for many years. Your fights to defend love segregation and to stop the slaughter of Blastocyst-Americans have turned you into a hero for Patriot-Americans like me. That's why Sen. John McCain spent months personally begging you for an endorsement.

Your hard work has also brought you many enemies. They include libislamunucistofascist clerics like Dan Shultz, or as the Kosunists call him, Pastor Dan. Here's what he had to say about you awhile back:

Anytime somebody like Rod Parsley - whose ordination consists of allegedly having a "sword of anointing" passed on from another revivalist, who lives in sumptuous wealth, whose family all seems to live in sumptuous wealth, who has been sued multiple times and had to settle lawsuits against his own father and teachers at his church, who lives in the pocket of war-mongers and free-market dogmatists, who wants to establish a theocratic government - anytime Rod Parsley wants to compare notes with me on what the penniless itinerant preacher and Prince of Peace Jesus Christ had to say on abortion, I'd be happy to consult with him. Until that time, he can stick his definition of orthodoxy where the sun don't shine.

Amazing. Here's a pastor who God hasn't even deemed worthy enough to bless with a Great and Terrible Sword of Anointing, and he has the temerity to lecture you, a sword bearer, about Jesus.

Have you been to Pastor Dan's site, Street Prophets? It's an absolute disgrace. They don't even sell relics to help people receive God's love. That's something you do all the time. Heck, it was only last Friday when you tweeted about a great deal on "a prayer cloth saturated with the anointing of great intercessors." Here's a screen cap:

I'd like to get in on that deal myself, but as a wholesaler rather than a consumer. I have a lot of cloths that are saturated with my anointing. I'm willing to make you a deal on them. Surely, you could use them. I mean, hey, how many can you anoint by yourself in a day?

Well, wrestling's on the tee vee, now. I'm going to go get some anointing in.