Tuesday, September 4, 2018

{healing}

Usually I've tended to push myself, not weighing the cost. My husband pushes himself, always able and seemingly not negatively affected. Well, except by tiredness, which he moves past. He is able.

When I do things that move me past my limits, I feel it deeply. Might be physical with exhaustion, or a headache, but there's always a negative result. Always.

A few years ago, when we first helped my mom at her home after her initial stroke, I remember distinctly thinking how surprised I was at myself that I could keep going without a problem.

Fast forward 4-5 years. Problems. Too much caregiving with my mom and worries with our sons. Way too much. Difficulties in my heart of releasing my struggles at the Cross.

I tire easily. I get overanxious. Easily. I startle. Get mild headaches. Feel more fear. Neglect my own needs.

So, dear September...I give myself to your warm embrace. Actually avoiding confrontation or situations that hurt my soul. Slowing down and tending to my own personal needs, whatever they may be, regardless if they're thought of by others as selfish.

My heart is beating hard now. Thinking of letting go. Releasing worries of my children who live far away. My mom who lives permanently in a nursing home and my 2 brothers who literally have disowned me. Not exaggerating here.

Cherishing my tribe here, and their deep love for me. That my girls and son in our home are gracious to my healing, always willing to help. That my husband listens.

As the quote goes...something like this...'Some burdens aren't meant to be carried, simply because they are too heavy.'