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January 10, 2016

Lady Gaga Fucks for Peace. Terrorists Put Down Weapons.

A miracle has happened!! Terrorists the world over have laid down their weapons. ISIS is putting a halt to all beheadings immediately. The NRA hangs their head in shame as they finally support measures of gun control. Would-be mass shooters suddenly acquired a conscience and have turned themselves in before shooting up a theater or school. All thanks to Lady Caca! Okay so not really. Apparently though, Gaga and her side-douche Taylor Kinney think that taking the world's most farcical selfie after bonking on a canvas and forcing the entire planet to retch in their afterglow is going to inspire world peace.

For reasons that are completely lost among most of the population, Caca was asked to be the guest editor for V Magazine pre-Spring issue. An issue that will cost a whopping $50.00 and completely worth it by the way (barf). All profits will go to the Scam Born This Way Foundation. Lady Xerox chose the cover to be a post-coital vomit inducing snapshot of her and side-douche Kinney. Using the most pompous and contrived word puke known to man, Caca had this to say:

“We made love on this canvas on a Sunday in Chicago. We made love amidst chaos. We talked about shootings. We made love amidst terrorism. And we talked about how people’s hearts are also suffering all over the world as they watch and witness a swell of violence. We made love amidst violence.

I could not complete the covers of this issue without relinquishing one to an important cause. Taylor and I talk all the time about our unique existence on this earth. How can we use our creativity to heal people? Since we first met, Taylor’s been painting and drawing all over me. Years ago, when we were secretly living in San Diego and crashing on the floor of a beach shack, we never wore shoes. He told me he wanted to make love to me on a canvas. And though he made many murals on my body in the wee, small hours of our stoked, gypsy mornings with our friends, for whatever reason we never got around to it.”

What? Shut up. Unique existence? I don't have enough eyes to roll at this schmaltzy babble that's completely bereft of authenticity. Have you ever seen two people so lost in their narcissism that they couldn't find their ass if you gave them a map? Caca is the most contrived, phony, pseudo specimen to come out of the rat's nest since Milli Vanilli and we're quite possibly watching the longest episode of Faking It.