HEY, IT'S TIGER WOODS' NIPPLES!

Vanity Fair had a shirtless Tiger Woods on their February cover, and it’s impressively bizarre. I didn’t know that the Mayor of Cablinasia kept his nipples so damn hairy. Good heavens, dude. A little man-scaping never killed anyone. Not without a straight razor, anyway.

Also, there’s an article in there about Tiger from none other than H. G. “Buzz” Bissenger, that one guy who wrote that one book that they turned into a Billy Bob Thorton movie, and then later a TV show. He basically paints Tiger Woods as some kind of robot that likes to tell black jokes. Why do African-American parents put Velcro on the ceiling? And then the gay fireman turned around and said, “This IS CPR!” They’re still working the bugs out. –Vanity Fair, via everyone.