Good Stories are Powerful Lifelines.

Hi there! My name is Erin and my preferred pronouns are she/her/hers or they/them/theirs. Does this sound familiar? Maybe you’ve heard it in passing and it’s made you question how much it mattered. Couldn’t you have guessed based on my picture and bio? Well, I’m a lucky person in that yes, you probably could have guessed based on my appearance. Yet there are many people out there that this isn’t true for.

I wrote this blog as an introduction to pronouns for those who are unfamiliar or uncomfortable navigating them.

Sex vs. GenderBefore we dive in, I do want to touch on the subject of sex vs. gender. “Sex” refers to a person’s biological makeup. This includes body parts, chromosomes, and hormones. “Gender” refers to how a person presents themselves. This includes many things like clothes, hairstyle, makeup, and mannerisms. This is the most simplistic explanation of the two. If you want a more detailed explanation, read this article from Planned Parenthood.

Gender Unicorn. Credit to TSER.

Gender Identity and Expression

To understand pronouns, it is important to understand gender identity and gender expression.

A person’s gender identity is how they feel in relation to the world. For example: I identify as a woman, so my pronouns are she/her/hers and I also feel comfortable with they/them/theirs.

I express myself in a feminine manner - I wear makeup, have long hair, and shop in the women’s section for my clothes.

This is part of what makes me lucky; my assigned sex, gender identity, and gender expression all line up in a way that is socially agreed upon and therefore, you can probably guess my pronouns by looking at me.

Some Pronouns to Know

There are a plethora of pronouns that people use today, but I will go over the most common ones below:

She/her/hers - woman

​He/him/his - man

They/them/theirs - nonbinary/agender/gender fluid

Ze/hir/hirs - nonbinary/agender/gender fluid

These are the pronouns that I hear the most in my life, but the list goes on and on. For more, see this article.

Pronouns in PracticeNow, it’s great that you understand these terms in theory. But, how do you apply them in real life? You can no longer just look at someone and know how to describe them. How do you figure out what their pronouns are?A general rule of thumb to use is this: Do you interact with this person enough that knowing their specific pronouns is relevant? You don’t need to ask a random person you bumped into on the bus about their pronouns.However, a new friend that you see on the bus every day might appreciate that you care. If you feel uncomfortable asking, try starting with your pronouns and going from there. If it is just way too uncomfortable at the start to ask what a person’s pronouns are, try using neutral pronouns for the short term.

Conclusion

Mistakes are not the end of relationships. This is important because everybody makes mistakes.

The important thing is that you quickly correct yourself and move on. Do not dwell on that one word until everyone gets uncomfortable. Work to be better in the future and all will be forgiven.

This was an introduction to pronouns, but if you want to discuss this further, please check out RESCQU NET’s “I have ?’s” group!