Main navigation

OPENLYSEXUAL: Sexy Bad Arse Boys and Girls

There is a chance that at some point in your life you will find yourself attracted to what are generally known as ‘bad boys’ or ‘bad girls’. Bad boys have been characterised in the movies as leather-wearing, motorbike-riding, cigarette-smoking, hot rebels. Bad girls are usually characterised in the movies as the femme fatale. Either way, they are extremely attractive, supremely confident, and sexy as hell. Even if your bad boy/girl is a philosophy student with no leather they will still have the charm, intelligence, charisma and a devil-may-care attitude. These qualities will single out the Sexy Bad Arse that will take you on a roller coaster ride that will eventually result in your heart being crushed.

It is not that we don’t like ‘nice’ but charisma, looks and power can be overwhelming when you are new to the world of dating or just getting back into it after a long-term relationship. In fact, falling for a Sexy Bad Arse over ‘nice’ can happen anytime you meet a bad boy/girl. I don’t believe the reason why we find these types attractive is because of the whole ‘I can change them’ perception. Initially, I think the attraction is about passion and the overwhelming chemistry, the IQ-dropping sex, and the flattery of someone this cool and sexy taking an interest in you. This is because, quite frankly, bad boys and girls know how to make you horny. If they didn’t know, they wouldn’t be capable of getting so much sex with so many people whilst behaving so badly. Later on however, after we have invested emotions and feel like we made a mistake, we may end up believing that the bad boy/girl is hurt and wounded. To us, this explains why they are acting like a complete shithead and why we must now heal them.

Sex with nice people can be passionate and sexy but they won’t give you that stomach-turning roller coaster of a ride that exhilarates you and makes you want to throw up all at once. Nice people also won’t just leave after sex, or turn up late, or not at all. Nice people also won’t turn up unannounced and drunk, having disappeared for three weeks, knowing that you will still let them in and let them have their way with you. Nice people won’t treat you like second best. However, by the time you start to notice that the Sexy Bad Arse is not just sexy but a bit of an arsehole to you, you will already be hooked on the drama and the mixture of adrenalin and dopamine. Your friends will get sick of hearing about the latest hurt you have experienced, even though you say that it is going to be different this time because of the latest excuse/story/apology. And the Sexy Bad Arse that you are letting fuck you around will have less and less respect for you the more you try to make them like you and the more you try to please them. We all find confident and well put together people sexy, just as we all find doormats pitiable.

The trick is to use Sexy Bad Arses the way they use everyone else. It isn’t necessarily their fault they treat people like shit – it may be because they really are damaged or it may just be because everyone has always let them get away with it. Whatever it is, it is not your problem to fix. Enjoy the sex but stay away from anything resembling a relationship. Do not let them apologise for sleeping with someone else, bringing home a sexually transmitted infection, throwing up on your cat, emotionally bullying you, physically abusing you or just generally ruining your life. If anyone treats you badly, get the hell away from them as they are only going to treat you worse in the future, not better. Get support, get help, get away.

Now for all you nice boys and girls out there who are complaining about not getting a date because everyone is pining after the smouldering Sexy Bad Arse – think about the fact that you;

a) might be lusting after a bad arse yourself, in which case there is nothing but hurt ahead for you.

Or;

b) aren’t as sexy as the hot bad arse and you will have to wait until the type of people you find attractive have been through enough that they now find nice and gentle more attractive than smoking hot and dangerous.