In The Real Life Version Of Fifty Shades Of Grey, Anastasia Steele Tries To Kill Christian Grey

In an incident that’s sure to make the Law & Order: SVU writers shiver in delight, a real life Fifty Shades of Grey couple ended their relationship yesterday with a knife fight. And no, before you go grab your dildo out of the drawer, it wasn’t a sexy knife fight. It’s the kind that made someone grab their phone and call the police. Suddenly Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele are a lot more interesting.

It’s all fun and whips until your live-in slave gets upset when you start cheating on her with a new live-in slave.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Edward Sonderling, a 50-year-old investment banker, met and fell in BDSM love with the 27-year-old Frankie Santiago. It was “will you play bondage games with me” at first sight. She moved in and become the live-in sex slave that Edward always dreamed of having.

However, as they will eventually say in the voiceover on a 20/20 special, all was not well in paradise prison.

You see, Edward was using the same whips on Frankie as he was on her replacement. And Frankie did not take this news well. In fact, she took it like a middle school girl who’s begging to lose her late night texting privileges. The New York Post reports the following excitement:

Whipped into a frenzy after discovering airline tickets for Sonderling’s new partner at the apartment, Santiago called JetBlue posing as his current girlfriend and canceled the reservation, sources said.

She also allegedly opened an e-mail account in the investment banker’s name, bombarding her replacement with messages disparaging Sonderling.

From July 30 to Aug. 11, Santiago sent 40 texts to Sonderling, according to the criminal complaint.

“I hope you and [the new girl] rot in hell,” she fumed. “I hope karma gets both of you, you rotten piece of s–t.”

And, in a shot toward Sonderling’s elderly mom, Santiago raged, “I hope your mother croaks at the sight of another one of your sluts.”

Naturally Edward did not appreciate these violent texts or impersonation emails. Nor did he appreciate when Frankie approached him with a kitchen knife and threatened to kill herself. So he did what all masters do when their live-in slaves transform into murderers, called the police and had her arrested.

Which brings us to the obvious questions. Who will play our real life Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey in the inevitable 20/20 reenactment? I know Emma Watson turned down the real Fifty Shades of Grey. But perhaps she’d like to dig her hands into something more gritty. More real. More knife-y.