December 11, 2012

there’s no drink or drug I’ve tried, to rid the curse of these lover’s eyes and I feel numb, beneath your tongue, your strength just makes me feel less strong

If you run your fingers against your own skin, does your touch feel unfamiliar?
If you step out into the rain, does each droplet feel any more significant than the last?
If you live and breathe each day with a substantial amount of love and positivity, does the universe give you love and positivity in return?

The above picture I took two or so weeks ago. I went on a trip with my friends up to Shoal Bay for a few days. An over three hour road trip there, and I could never tire of it. I shocked myself in many ways. Over the course of four days I realized more about myself than I have in an exceeding long period of time. I realized that I can be patient, that I enjoy calm, that family isn’t blood or genes. That chromosomes have nothing to do with what or who is ‘home‘.
I found home in family. And family I found in people I know will be in my life always. We do not share blood, nor do we share genes. We share something far greater and far more powerful.

I find myself having faith in humanity. I find myself knowing that life isn’t always perfect and transcendent. Terrible things happen, and sometimes we feel hopeless. And although it took me a while, I finally realize that over trusting the universe, I trust myself.

I trust myself to love the world. To appreciate and enjoy every second. Whether it be ecstatic or horrid. I realize that it’s not just enough to love someone, but I must also love myself. Love myself enough to know that I deserve to be happy. And if I am not, then I must find a way to be so. I must find joy and pleasure in every single day. Because life’s like that and I refuse to waste my days being unhappy. I have found comfort in myself and in those around me. I have found a way to draw preciousness out of life and not run from pain, but merely accept it’s temporary inhabitance within my life, and know that it is just that. Temporary.

I have found that it is important in times of trial and suffering and exhaustion, that we must be able to live with ourselves before we think of doing so with others. This is inexplicably significant. Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it’s wonderful. But life’s like that. And I have found enough strength within myself to stand up and carry on.

So if you run your fingers against your own skin, it sometimes doesn’t feel familiar.
And when you step out into the rain, each droplet just makes you damp, and each makes you damper than the last. And if you live and breathe each day with a substantial amount of love and positivity, the universe will provide you with love, possibility, strength and positivity in return.