"Like everyone's 'first time,' this is something you don't want to remember, especially if you were the guy who made it."

We all have heard those records that made us think "wow, I can really relate to that. It's like they wrote this just for me." San Diego, California grindcore band Dilapidated Hooker Twat's demo "Your First Time" may bring you memories of when you first attempted a random noises album in a Mike Patton fashion, screamed about emos in an Australian accent, or when you were beaten by your father on Christmas and became an alcoholic caroler as a result. If any of the preceding happened, you might be retarded.

There's not much I can say about this album in a positive light. Admittedly, I rarely ever listen to grindcore or any of its variations. I've not heard any grind that I've actually liked, but then again, I haven't heard much of it to begin with. What I can say is that this demo at least had some class, with titles such as "Hilary Swank Showing Hairless Cunt in Forest," "Bring Back Lead Paint," and one that we can all relate to, "Drunken X-Mass." It sounds like some guy had a jam session with himself in his basement and put it all on a tape recorder while intoxicated during the holidays. I guess lyrics such as "beer holy night, I'm drunk as a fucking Irish. I'm drunker than a guy that's drunk" would be a good indication of that. However, it does remind a good number of us about some of our experiences: like everyone's first time, this is something you don't want to remember, especially if you were the guy who made it.

Highs: Funny

Lows: Lack of effort

Bottom line:I still don't care for grindcore, but this was pretty funny.