funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

If she were really passive-aggressive, she’d get the fence secretly electrified

Writes Chris in Riverside, California: “My friend Eric essentially has a LAN center in his garage. Cigarettes and energy drinks are the diet of choice and we (usually 5 to 7 people lanning there at any given time) piss on his fence so we don’t flush the toilet too many times over the evening. He woke up one morning with this note from his mother.”

I had friends that would play poker in high school and they had 2liter bottles of piss all over the garage/game room. Really gross that they held onto the bottles and ever worse that they held them long enough that you could see the separation and sediment.

When her 3 sons were much younger than LanMom’s and her house was the neighborhood kid magnet, a friend of mine kept a coffee can in the garage and emptied it (against the fence?) every night. She preferred that to taking a fire hose to the guest bathroom every day.

So there are some hot middle aged women prowling around the fence? They could start a documentary “See how the lead cougar applys her lipstick in such a way that it does not creep into the lines surrounding her mouth, hitches up her skirt that is made for a much younger woman, and starts in on her prey…..”

Mom has really tried to make this note PA worthy: six sentences and five exclamation marks, random capitalization, underlines and above all, piss, butts and hell in a single note. She almost gets 7/10.
but son’s actions are so outrageous, mom’s note actually scores zero!

Chris in Riverside and his friends sound like gross, weasley douche-fuckers who need their asses repeatedly kicked by their mothers. Especially Eric’s mother. She seems like she’d do a really good job at it.

♫She’s a mean ole’ bitch if there ever was a bitch, she a bitch to all the boys and girls! YAH!! Monday she’s a bitch, and tuesday she’s a bitch, and wednesday through saturday she’s a bitch… then on Sunday just to be different she’s a super mega mega bEEEOTCH!♫♪

And the sad thing is… i didn’t have to look it up. And I haven’t seen SP prob in a year. I shame myself.

Ah, the rationalization of (semi) youth. Yes, because your mother is going to be so thrilled that you choose to stain her fence instead of going in the toilet because you’re saving water! Aren’t you special? Of course, I don’t think her *grass* is going to be so happy.

I commend the idea that they are saving water but, as someone above said, you can go in the toilet over and over on one flush as long as it’s only number one. Plus, urine is notoriously bad for lawns; that’s why most people don’t like dogs peeing on their lawns.

To answer your question, I try to be green. All my light fixtures have the swirly light bulbs, I cook organic when I can, I recycle, etc. As I said, the *idea* is great. The execution leaves something to be desired.

Loser too-obsessed-with-gaming fence-pissers don’t get fucked. Gaming in and of itself isn’t a problem. However, it is a problem when it becomes a substitute for normal human social skills and the ability to interact with society at large. Obviously you haven’t figured out the whole acceptable behavior thing if you can rationalize pissing on your friend’s mother’s fence. If you want to get laid by a normal, not-gross/not-douchey human, you need to cut that shit the fuck out. If you’re asexual, have taken a vow of celibacy, or have resorted to the family dog or your friends, I suppose this isn’t a problem.

See Aunty, that’s why a D&Ders are third. They were only a mere unsettling presence in my local university study hangout. They had to leave sometime and surely had something else to do (like studying their physics books and aspiring to write for Futurama).

I’m gonna be optimistic and point out that maybe Chris in Riverside was trying to be considerate by not waking his mother with a bajillion toilet flushes throughout the night. Maybe he thought she’d rather get sleep… guess not! But no, the “multiple uses before flushing” idea seems to work alright. Or you could get your own place…

Also, ashtrays would be good. That shit is nasty, especially for those who actually have to pick it up. -_- Volunteer work sucks, especially since most people don’t give a damn about littering.

@Sirius: …uhm, no. “volunteer work” = working with my freshman community service organization. As VP, I’ve gotta set a good example I guess.

@CB: …my god, you’re right. The flower beds under the fence are the real victims here. Why are we so concerned about the mother? It’s not as if she’s the one being peed on. *goes off to make picket signs*

I like how mom starts out in all-caps mode, then switches to random capitalization. By the time she makes it to his name the second time, he has sunk so low as to not deserve to have his name capitalized.

Glo, people can’t be troubled with reading those things. It’s all a mad dash to see who can get into the thread and be the first person to drop an tired old joke in the mix. I’m surpised we havent’ seen those energy drinks were fucking delicious, yet

No, no, no, Jane. Stickman means the ‘Real Girl Lovedolls‘. You think they could actually work up the balls to even TALK about a human woman? Hells no. They have a hard enough time getting it up for those Japanese robots girls.

Well, mom, what did you expect when you let your good-for-nothing son clear out your garage and relegate you to parking on the street? What did you think was going to happen when he dropped out of UCLA and decided to take online course to complete the degree he worked on for six years–after taking 18 months off to think about his options?

Sometimes you’ve got to be cruel to be kind, momma. Kick Eric out and let him set up his LAN center in a dinged-up trailer outside of Bakersfield. It won’t be easy but eventually Eric will learn to trade his cigarettes for ramen noodles and one confrontation with the biker next door who takes Eric’s outdoor urinary practices as a signs of disrespect will have him on the fast track to wearing big boy pants.

After further review I think I have to call out Chris. Chris identifies Eric as a friend. A friend who lives wiht his mom, pisses on the fence because he’s too lazy to go use the bathroom and doesn’t see the need to pick up cigarette butts. I love how Chris tries to justify pissing on the fence as though it’s some sort of ecological favor his doing for all of us but yet there are cigarette butts are strewn about. That proves that these guys are just a bunch of lazy dorks who probably can’t wait for the next remake of Tomb Raider so they can start jerking off on the fence as well. Oh Lara, Oh, Oh!

I’d have a lot more respect for Chis if he would have qualified his relationship with Eric by using the phrase “a dude I know” but Chris chose “friend”. That means Chris is a bigger loser than Eric because at least Eric has the balls to be a loser on his home turf where he invokes his mother’s wrath.

Where’s a drive-by when you need it?

PS: Who wants to bet that “morning” in Chris’ and Eric’s world is some time before 3:30PM?

This seems a bit out of line: pissing on a fence is not technically a dis-respect in any way.

1. Urine is sterile and largely water -it harms nothing (sidenote: the main chemical besides water in urine, urea, is a popular product used in anti-fungal or athlete’s foot/foot odor products)
2. they actually ARE saving water, which is important
3. i think women sometimes think it’s gross just because they don’t have a lifetime of experience in non-chalant, piss on anything, experience…or they’re just mad/jealous.

1. Pissing on property that doesn’t belong to you (oh! it belongs to YOUR MOTHER–even better!) is disrespectful.
2. Well, urine is sterile unless you have a kidney or other urinary tract infection; given these boys are sitting in one spot for long periods of time, probably lacking in hygiene and proper diet, “holding it” so they don’t interrupt the damned game, I’m guessing not so much on the sterile side of things.
And once it hits the fence and ground, it becomes a bacterial swimming pool.
3. Women think it’s gross because it is gross.

you’re retarded if you think urine is sterile and harmless. It’s sterile when it’s in the bladder but on its way out of the body it picks up a large amount of bacteria. it’s just as unhealthy as taking a huge shit on their yard. It’s also not largely water. It’s corrosive and acidic, that’s why most UTI tests test acid levels.

most dudes I know would think it’s disgusting too, mainly because they were potty trained before they reached adulthood. What’s your excuse?

WORSE. Car hair causes a burning hair mixed with overheated electronics smell… but I take that 5000000 times over stale, concentrated cigarette smoke. And I bet they smoke the cheap shit, too… it smells even worse. A friend of mine once gave up ‘regular’ cigarettes for these cheap ones… I am not a smoker so was totally clueless if it would be way out of line or even evil to beg her to let me buy her smokes JUST to get rid of that HORRIBLE STENCH. PTSD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shit or get off the pot. Buy smokes that don’t make me hurl or get a gdamnned patch!

Maybe it’s b/c I’m a girl…but back in high school when we had LAN parties/D&D late night at my mom’s we just flushed the toilet…it’s not like mom didn’t know we were there…

I kinda want to know *why* he didn’t feel like he could flush the toilet? I mean, if mom’s going to let him keep living with her and have LAN parties in the garage, she should probably be okay with constant toilet use…

“my friend eric essentially has a LAN center in his garage”
what caught my eye when I first read it, was word “essentially”. I speculate two theories:
1. Chris meant to say: Eric has essentially a “LAN center ” consisting of two eighties desktop ( they had those in eighties, right?) fitted with 3D monster maze.
2. Eric’s last name is “essentially”.
Any other theories guys?

Soon, All Yankee Doodle Dandies will pis in bottles and sell it for fertilizer for you veggie gardens! The price of oil, per bbl is on the exponential rise again! Fertilizers made from, and with, petroleum products are about to go through the roof, unemployment is rising fast, underemployment faster, but count on it, you are still worth pis, just keep it diluted and in the garden where it helps stave off the coming great hunger!

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"The thing that drives me bonkers at work is to open up the trash can drawer and see a cup half-full of water that was carefully placed into the trash can so it doesn't spill--in a trash can an arm's length away from the kitchen sink!

99% of the people in my office are college graduates, probably toward the top of their class. But some without enough common sense to pour the water in the sink before putting the cup into the trash can.