I never ever meant to fall for Amanda. I swear! I wish that I could take all these feelings and just throw them in the waste basket with my latest lyrical mistake. It's not as easy as it sounds. Just go for her you say? Wish I could, but she can never ever be mine. She is Patrick's girlfriend for fuck's sake!

I remember the first time that I met her. She showed up at Ryan Ross' 21st birthday. She is Brendon Urie's very best friend, other than Ryan of course. The entire room lit up with her beautiful smile. I of course, couldn't make a move because I was there with Ashlee. Patrick seemed just as love struck as I, so I decided to help him get the girl. We both approached her and Brendon and it was definitely love at first sight. Same for Patrick.

Flash forward to today. Patrick has been dating her ever since. Her name is Amanda and I can't sleep, eat, or even think without her. It also tears me apart that I am in love with Patrick's only true love. I hide my feelings the best I can so that no one will know. I've stayed with Ashlee because I need someone in my life to make me happy. I love her, I do, but not the way I love Amanda and I've never even kissed her.

I proposed to Ashlee and she was so incredibly happy, but I was so incredibly sad. I am trying to move on with our relationship, but the thought of Amanda is always in the back of my mind.

Today is particularly hard for me and I'm not really sure why. Ashlee thought it'd be a good idea to invite Patrick and Amanda to dinner to celebrate our engagement. Here I sit across the table from Patrick and Amanda. I can't help but watch her as she and Ashlee talk about her ring. Patrick is reading his menu and doesn't notice my stares. He never notices, or at least he never says anything.

"Wow, that is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen! Nice work Peter!" Amanda gushed and smiled at me. She always called me Peter, never Pete for some reason.

"Thanks," I smiled and looked down at the menu.

"I was so shocked, I didn't expect it at all! One minute we were just sitting there and the next he is down on one knee!" Ashlee began to recount the night I proposed. I really love her and I want to be with her, I just wish Amanda wasn't around to make matters worse.

"Well a proposal is never exciting if you expect it," I said and closed my menu. I think I'm going to have a pizza. Nothing else sounds good. Patrick closed his menu and looked over at the girls.

"Have you two decided? I'm starving and I want to order when the waitress comes back," he said and Amanda instantly picked up her menu.

"I always get the chicken alfredo, so I'm ready," Ashlee said. The waitress appeared at the table moments later and we all ordered. Amanda leaned against Patrick and he put his arm around her. I decided to look around the restaurant so that I wouldn't stare at them and wish I was Patrick. The restaurant was beginning to get busy, good thing we got here when we did. The rest of dinner was uneventful and we made our way outside to the valet. Patrick's Civic was pulled up first.

"Good night guys!" Amanda cheerfully said before turning to hug me. God her scent was so intoxicating. I felt like I was high. She pulled away and hugged Ashlee. Patrick and I said our goodbyes and they drove off. I helped Ash into my SUV before climbing in on my side. Ash led the conversation the entire way back to my place, my giving verbal head nods when necessary.

"Wouldn't a beach wedding this summer just be perfect?" She said excitedly. Oh shit, we have to get married now don't we. That's what happens after the proposal.

"Yea Ash, it'd be beautiful, hopefully we can find someplace secluded and private so that we're not hounded by paparazzi." I took her hand and squeezed it gently.

She smiled and leaned back against the seat. "We'll find someplace."

Hemmy was waiting for us by the front door when we arrived. Ash walked to the kitchen and gave him a bowl of food. She always took such great care of Hemingway and I loved that about her. I just wish she made my heart skip a beat just like Amanda did. Walking into the bedroom, I pulled my hoodie and t-shirt off my back and tossed them onto the floor. After ridding myself of pants, I climbed into the unmade bed and laid there. Ash walked into the room, put the clothes that I had just thrown on the floor into the hamper and changed for bed herself. Hemmy jumped onto the bed and curled up by my feet. Within a minute, Ashlee's slender arms slipped around my waist and I turned to hold her.