iVillage: Think He'll Propose? Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married

Things You Need to Know Before You Get Married

Getting engaged is one of the happiest times of your life, for sure, but before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, it's important to know that you're really, really ready to commit. Here's what you need to know about yourself, your guy and your relationship before you say "yes." Whether You Really Love Him -- Or the Idea of Getting Married You don't want to marry Mr. I-Suppose-He's-Right just because you're caught up in bridal excitement, or because it seems like the logical next step or because everyone you know is tying the knot. To be sure it's the guy you want, and not just the Mrs. title, psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of "A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness," suggests asking yourself these questions: Can you imagine any other man in your wedding/honeymoon/married life plans? Would you still want to marry your guy if it was just the two of you at the courthouse? Think carefully about your answers before taking the next step.

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Getting engaged is one of the happiest times of your life, for sure, but before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, it's important to know that you're really, really ready to commit. Here's what you need to know about yourself, your guy and your relationship before you say "yes." Whether You Really Love Him -- Or the Idea of Getting Married You don't want to marry Mr. I-Suppose-He's-Right just because you're caught up in bridal excitement, or because it seems like the logical next step or because everyone you know is tying the knot. To be sure it's the guy you want, and not just the Mrs. title, psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of "A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness," suggests asking yourself these questions: Can you imagine any other man in your wedding/honeymoon/married life plans? Would you still want to marry your guy if it was just the two of you at the courthouse? Think carefully about your answers before taking the next step.

What irritates you about your guy now will really grate on you after you're married. He's a total slob? A night owl when you're an early bird? Don't kid yourself into thinking he'll change once you're hitched -- that's a blueprint for disappointment, says sex therapist Lisa Paz. "Assume that any negative qualities you're seeing will remain negative, and be realistic about what you're willing to live with," she says. So decide what's a dealbreaker and what's not before your boyfriend becomes your husband.

Beyond what he pulls down in salary, you should know how much he has in savings, how much debt he's carrying and -- this is important -- how he accrued it. "You don't want any surprises after marriage," says Lisa Decker, founder of Divorce Money Matters. Ask these questions before you're married so you have an understanding of what caused any problems and how to prevent them from happening again. Sure, the conversation takes some finesse, but you can ease into it by discussing your hopes and dreams together, Decker says. "That opens the door to sharing what your money history has been."

Some couples want six kids -- others can't even imagine having one. What ultimately matters though, is that you both know in your gut how you feel about the "having kids" question. Sit down with your fiancé and have a true heart-to-heart: Discuss where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years and if kids are part of that vision. If you're not on the same page, one of you will have to compromise in a big way, says Dr. Paz, which may be very stressful (or even a dealbreaker).

When your guy's not around, there's no need to be stuck at home with a Lean Cuisine -- do something fun by yourself. "Many people aren't comfortable doing this because they imagine others are judging them for being alone," says Lombardo. But the reality is, most folks are probably too wrapped up in their own thoughts to ponder why you're solo. So enjoy your meal and your alone time. It sends the healthy message to your guy that you don't need him to entertain you every night. That kind of independence is sexy!

No, you don't need to know how to install your own solar water heater, but you should own a toolbox stocked with the basics (hammer, screwdriver, wrench, pliers, power drill, assorted screws and nails) and know how to hang a picture, change out a door knob and assemble your own Ikea desk. "Fixing things around the house yourself can be incredibly empowering, especially if your husband isn't handy or never seems to get around to doing it himself," says Dr. Lombardo. Even if you marry Mr. Fix It, knowing your own way around a tool box means you won't need to keep nagging him when you just want it done.

Why learn know how to cook if you've got a microwave and the number of every takeout place within 10 miles programmed in your smartphone? Because saying "I can't even boil water!" isn't cool post-college, and being able to feed yourself (or someone else) is an important life skill. So pick up a copy of "The Joy of Cooking, How to Cook Everything" or your grammy's recipe box and learn how to do more than dump Ragu over spaghetti. Home-cooked meals will give you a sense of accomplishment, save you money -- and probably keep you healthier, too

When you get married, you'll have to decide how you're going to handle financial expenses. Decker's recommendation: a "yours, mine and ours" approach. Set up a joint checking/savings account for paying general household bills and saving for big purchases or vacations. But protect any assets you bring into the marriage -- your trust fund, a condo, large monetary gifts from your parents -- by keeping them in your name. "People get married and say Honey, I love you so much I'm putting your name on my bank account, and then those co-mingled assets lose their separate property status. In the eyes of the law, you no longer own that separately," explains Decker. Keep what was originally yours separate, she says, so "you don't risk having to split that in a divorce."

Not every woman is keen on giving up a name that reflects her personal and professional identity, heritage and family history. And these days, there are lots of ways to play the name game: Keep the one you've got. Take a hyphenated name. Combine your names into one new one. There's no "right" answer, you just need to know what feels right to you -- and talk to your guy about what's important to him.