Chelsea Clinton Will Have Children, O.K., Dad? So Enough with the Mortality Schtick, Please!

Well, well, well: look who decided to take her ears out of her damned iPod and listen to her father for once in her life? Chelsea Clinton, who was recently publicly guilted by her father for possibly waiting until he was dead and buried in the ground before deigning to bring life into this world, told Glamour magazine: “We want, God willing, to start a family. So we decided to make 2014 the Year of the Baby.” What is the rest of 2013? Chopped liver? And not the kind from Dean & DeLuca—the real stuff, from Zabar’s.

Chelsea also told Glamour to “please, call my mother and tell her that. She asks us about it every single day.” Your mother would ask you about it every single day, Chelsea, if you picked up the phone every single day. But you do not, so you mother tells your answering machine about it every single day. Chelsea, are you checking those messages? Because last time your mother and father saw that machine, they saw it had four messages that you never even checked! Maybe you checked them before—but then why not delete them? This isn’t a hotel, young lady! Don’t just leave your old messages lying around the answering machine!