Dale Earnhardt? Who’s more religious than that? He sits at the right hand of God, telling him when he has hit the apex and can hit the gas again. The rest? Tacky Southern bachelor pad, much like any other. Terrible tailoring is the law in the south, if you’re white. Only black men know how to dress for church there, and they look superb.

And god then created nascar and he saw that this was dang good. Then on the seventh he said “LET THERE BE LAZYBOYS, FLAT SCREEN TVS AND CANS OF BEER THAT OVERFLOATH THY CAN”. And he saw that this too was good, dang good.