I sat down my newspaper, disappointed that I couldn’t finish my great story about a puppy and a kitty that got married. It was so touching…

I threw open the door and I rolled my eyes in disgust. It was that Edward kid.

“Look Edward, Bella isn’t here so-”

“Charlie, Charlie, I’m not here for Bella.” Wait, what did he say? I rubbed my eyes a couple of times, only to see a sight that was terrifying.

Edward, who had been wearing his regular apparel of sweater and pants, was now wearing a…Girl Scout uniform? A vest adorned with many badges was over a light pink turtleneck, and to my horror, a short skirt that barely rose up his long pale legs.

“Edward, I’m sorry but I’m not like—” But Edward just pulled out a piece of paper and started to read.

“Hello Sir and or Madam, or both. My name is Edward Cullen and I need you to help me reach my goal of selling 2,000 cookies. Girl Scout cookies are very nutritious for body and soul-”

“Wait, you’re selling Girl Scout cookies?” I scrunched my brow up in confusion. Was this Cullen kid on crack? He didn’t even have any cookies with him.

Like if on cue, a red wagon appeared at his side, where a pyramid of delicious cookies stood.

Oh my God, I was on crack!

“So Charlie, are you going to buy any? They’re 3.50 a box and it will really help the Girl Scouts.” He looked up at me with innocent eyes.

I slammed the door in his face.

“Charlie! Please, buy some cookies! I’m so close to my goal.” Was he crying? Good Lord, that kid needed some help.

I peered out the front window and saw Edward stroll away, dragging his sad little wagon behind him. I actually felt sorry for the kid.

I walked back into the kitchen and picked up my newspaper, starting to read where I left off on my puppy and kitty story.

Knock, Knock.

Oh My God. If it was that boy again I was gong to pull out my rifle and…

To my surprise, it was Jacob Black at the door.

“Hello Charlie.” He smiled, making his high cheekbones rise.

Now that’s what I call a real boy. Jacob, the son that I never had and the son-in-law that I desperately wanted. He was the perfect boy for my Bella, if only she would open her eyes and see….he wouldn’t be a dog like that Edward.

“Why Jacob what a nice surprise! Come in please!” I motioned my hand inside of the house.

“Thanks Charlie, but I actually came by to ask you a question.” He glanced behind him, like he was making sure that no one was there.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Did Edward come by here just a few minutes ago?” He asked, his eyes taking a serious tone.

“Yes and the weirdest thing happened. He was trying to sell me Girl Scout cookies and-”

“Oh please tell me you didn’t buy any from him!” Jacob’s voice sounded almost like he was desperate.

“What? No, I didn’t.”

“Oh thank God! Now you can buy them from me!” Jacob flashed me a smile and my jaw dropped.

“Wait, now YOU are selling cookies?” What was going on with this town? I think I might need to have a drug bust pretty time soon.

“Why of course silly!” He giggled and from out of nowhere he pulled out a box of cookies.

“The thin mints are my favorite, because I feel like I’m running down chocolate covered mountains in minty dreams-”

“OH NO YOU DIDN’T!” Edward Cullen, still in his vest and skirt, jumped from out of a tree and on to Jacob. “HE’S MY CUSTOMER!”

Jacob started to hit him.

“Oh yeah leech? Then why did he look like he was yearning for minty dreams?”

“Because he wasn’t you idiot dog!”

“Boys, Boys, break it up!” I ran out into the yard, my arms waving like crazy.

But then I screamed.

Edward had…fangs and was biting Jacob like a chew toy! And Jacob, holy crap, a tail just grew out of his butt!

“You imbecile pup.” Edward punched Jacob in the face.

“You damn bloodsucker!” Jacob lunged on top of Edward.

Oh My God, Edward was a vampire and Jacob was a werewolf…and they both wanted to sell me Girl Scout cookies!

I grabbed Edward’s abandoned wagon and took it into the house. I needed to have some alone time in minty dreams while I found out the key to my insanity…..

“Charlie? Dad? Hello??” Bella’s voice rang throughout my head.

My eyes flew open to see Bella sitting on my bed, a worried look in her face.

“Charlie, you were screaming in your sleep! Are you okay?” Her big brown eyes widened as I sat up in bed.

“I was just having this weird dream. Edward and Jacob were in it and they were trying to sell me Girl Scout cookies.”

Bella giggled. “Somehow I could picture that!”

“But no, that wasn’t the weirdest part. Edward was a vampire and Jacob, he was some puppy wolf thing. I know that sounds crazy, but…it was just so vivid and believable.” I laughed to myself. Edward a vampire and Jacob a werewolf? Like that would ever happen….

"Dad. You really need to lay of the taco's before you go to bed The End!