Thursday, May 03, 2012

You Miss Larry Day!

Call his widow. Tell her you dug him too. She’ll be into it. He talked about you. Enough for it to upset her.

“Hated you from 1995 to 1998,” she’ll laugh.

Tell her about when Larry got you pregnant. You aborted without discussing it with him and when you told him you aborted he cried.

“He was smart,” say. “It got him out of any kind of discussion of whether he wanted a say or was glad to not have a say. He cried and we got naked and that was the end.”

His widow (Carol) will say that Larry cried a lot to get out of stuff. “I stopped picking fights because it was so hard to watch.”

Carol will cry now. Cry with her. Tell her there’ve been many since Larry, sweeter men, better men, but he’s the one you miss.

Carol will whisper, “I know what you mean. I love my husband, but since Larry killed himself I just…”

Ask her if she has any of Larry’s clothes and if she makes her current husband wear them.

“I tell him I bought them new for him,” she’ll confess. She’ll ask you about the CK One.

“I still have the bottle he left here,” tell her. “I sprinkle it on the pillow every couple days.”

Ask her about the Yosemite Sam tattoo.

“I made my husband get one,” Carol will say. “He doesn’t know why. But I couldn’t sleep with him if Larry’s tattoo wasn’t on his chest.”

Tell her about the bodies. The parts that you’ve hacked from abducted men and sewn together to try to make the perfect Larry replica. She’ll be into it. Tell her you need a neck and a left calf and foot. You’re so close. Ask her if she knows any men who would make a perfect involuntary donor.