1. don’t talk during a movie you fucking asshole! yeah, I’m talking to YOU and your fucking slut date! i can’t believe i even have to tell you this! this is some universal/unwritten/unspoken law shit! JESUS! this goes for texting too!

3. write a list of anythingand everything you wanna do before you die- and start doing it!!!

4. if you’re on a budget- just tell every restaurant you go to that it’s your birthday and get free cake! But, on second thought, you really shouldn’t be eating out so much you know!? maybe just order a coffee and get the free cake and run for it. but wait, you should pay for the coffee though dude. and leave a tip too. i mean, it’s the right thing to do.

5. just because it’s a soy chai latte, doesn’t mean it’s NOT gonna make you fat! cuz it TOTALLY will! except it’ll do it covert ninja styles! fat travels in liquid form too asshole! that’s what milkshakes are all about!

6. don’t drive when you have to pee! cuz if you get in a crash, your bladder could break and the pee will poison your insides. true story!

7. don’t blow your nose into toilet paper and then use that same toilet paper to wipe your privates. It’s gross. and it could give you aids maybe. JK JK, but TOTALLY a weird infection for sure!

8. if he drives a yellow car, he’s not worth your time.

9. wear sunscreen you idiot! Even in winter!

10. nothing matters! For real! We are all dying! no joke. I have to remember this shizz when I’m having a way crazy/off day and I feel scared and sad and let small things bother me. starting NOW, i DEMAND you say ‘i don’t give a fuck!’ to yourself! and whenever you’re trying to decide what you should do in a situation, ask yourself ‘what would the fifty year old me tell me to do?’ chances are, most likely, the fifty year old you will say ‘do it muthah-fuckah!’ it’s all about having no regrets andseizing the day!!!

I’m so guilty of #1! ESPECIALLY the texting. I just can’t help it! BUT, I’m never the girl that gets up to pee, stepping on everyone’s toes as I make my exit..during the most pivotal part in the movie, no doubt.

If you go through life not giving a fuck what a hollow life one must be living. But don’t let others run your life as the asshole who gave you bad advice will not be there on your last day saying “My bad” as you stand waiting for your lifes judgement. Follow your dreams not someone elses. It’s not an easy road but a bit more pleasing when you get older and you look back at your travels.

there’s nothing I love more than the blind leading the blind and your attitude about everything. except maybe my boyfriend and family and stuff. but those are hard real life loves, when it comes to easy I would like to laugh out loud every day, love, this is #1.

#2 – but if you eat it with a fat steak with corn on the cob with butter and parmesan cheese, tapatio-I’m mexican, and a bottle of red wine that rule is bs.

How to prepare your asparagus
grab a pan heat that shit up
put butter and olive oil
add asparagus
add salt, pep, and a bit of kosher salt
cook for 5 min depending on how shitty your stove is or tender
have a smoke
make sure to have it with beefy steak with barbq, potatos or corn on the cob
invite your boss lady over
give her red wine to compliment steak
have desert on her “box”
have a cig
done and done.