Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

(I work in a musical instrument store. On our counters we have small grab-and-go items, including mini harmonicas that some people purchase as pendants for jewelry but also work as an instrument. I have just rung up Customer #1 and am in the middle of ringing Customer #2 when Customer #1 takes one of the harmonicas and starts blowing through it.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir.Were you planning on purchasing that today?”

Customer #1: “Of course not. I don’t play harmonica.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but now that you have used that one I have to ask you to buy it.”

Customer #1: “That’s ridiculous. I was just testing it out.”

Me: “I’m sorry but it’s for sanitary reasons. I cannot sell that now that you have used it. These are not a demo product.”

(I am a customer in this story, standing next in line while the person ahead is being attended to.)

Cashier: “Okay, sir. Your total is [amount].”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The customer pauses and doesn’t move to get his wallet.)

Cashier: “Sir. Cash or credit?”

Customer: “What?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. Are you paying with cash, check, or credit card today?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Cashier: “For your groceries, how would you like to pay for them?”

Customer: “I don’t get it. I only have a debit card.”

Cashier: “That’s fine. We accept debit as well. Just slide it through the machine here.”

Customer: “But it’s asking for a credit card. I don’t carry credit cards. People steal those all the time.”

Cashier: “Sir, the machine will take both credit and debit. I you just follow the prompts…”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s asking for a credit card. I refuse to use one.”

Cashier: “I can 100% guarantee you, sir, that the machine will read your debit card. After you swipe your card, select ‘debit’ and you’ll be done.”

Customer:*motions to his groceries* “I can’t pay for these with a debit card. What kind of a business is this that doesn’t accept debit?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I shop here weekly. They do accept debit cards. Open your eyes and read the machine prompt. It clearly has a DEBIT option.”

Customer: “It says credit. I don’t have credit!”

Me: “It’s that green button on the right labeled DEBIT. If you can’t see it, then I don’t think anyone here can help you.”

(At this point the customer walks out and leaves eight full bags of groceries behind, muttering how confused he was that the store didn’t accept debit cards. The cashier has to load the bags into a cart and wait on another associate before ringing me up.)

Me: “That probably happens way more often than it really should.”

Cashier: “We have a pool going to see how high we can hit in a week. So far I’m at five and it’s only Wednesday.”

(I work as a cashier in restaurant with a store attached. All purchases, either food or merchandise, are done through me. When a customer finishes their meal, they bring me a receipt to pay for their meal, along with any other things they feel like buying. Like many stores, we have an item we try to sell to every customer who comes through the line. Its currently jelly beans.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today? Did [Server] take good care of you?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. She was great.”

Me: “Is that everything for you today? Would you like to add on any jelly beans today? We have a bunch of different kinds, with just about every flavor.”

Customer: “Yes, please. Seven.”

Me:*shocked* “Seven, sir? Absolutely. which kind would you like? We have the regular 20 flavors, sour, ice cream, smoothie…”

(I proceed to list every bag I can think of.)

Customer: “What? No. I want to add seven.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but I need to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? I. Want. To. Add. Seven.”

Me: “Seven what?!”

Customer: “DOLLARS.”

Me: “Sir, are you referring to a tip? You want to add seven dollars for your server?”

Customer: “Yes! What else would I be talking about?”

Me: “Well, sir, I had just asked if you would like to add any jelly beans to your purchase today…”

(I’m a cashier at a place that sells small items of furniture, storage containers, and so on. We are having a 10% off sale. My last customer caused a huge amount of trouble due to getting angry and shouting over not understanding the difference between 10% and $10, so I’m feeling frazzled. A mother and her child, probably seven or eight, come up to my register and start unloading their items while they talk.)

Mother:*to the kid* “Now, this container was $19.95, but we bought two, so how much is that?”

(By this time, I’ve scanned the items and bagged them. Just as I’m about to say the total, the child beats me to it.)

Kid: “$26.93!”

Mother: “Fantastic job! I think we get to stop at the playground on the way home!”

Kid: “Yes!” *jumps up and down gleefully*

(After my last customer, a fully grown man who couldn’t understand what a percentage was, I’m literally dumbfounded. In the end, I call my manager and we give the mother a further employee discount, which her child also worked out.)