I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

A secretary called in looking for a hotel in Los Angeles. She gave me various names off a list, none of which I could find. I finally had her fax the list. To my surprise it was a list of hotels in New Orleans, Louisiana, which has the postal code LA. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles and that New Orleans was a suburb of L.A. Worst of all, when I called her back, she wasn't even embarrassed.

I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut. When I explained that the inn was fictional, the customer became very irate and insisted, "I know it is real, I see people check in every week!"en]

Silence and smile are two powerful words. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems

Okay, now you've got me on a roll. If you're going to mention the Bob Newhart show where he was an innkeeper in Vermont then I have to mention that the series finale of that show was the best finale ever to date!

Last edited by mid_nite_poet on 22 Nov 08, 1:19 pm, edited 1 time in total. Reason:Video removed...is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

* I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

* A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

* I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

* A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

* I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

* Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

* A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 820am and got into Chicago at 833am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

* A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said,"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" ( I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

* I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied,"I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.

* "A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

* A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

* A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere. The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

*I had someone who wanted to stay at the Bob Newhart Inn in Connecticut. When I explained that the inn was fictional, the customer became very irate and insisted "I know it is real, I see people check in every week!"

cerina wrote:* Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

There is a tiny sliver of truth to this. If one is unfamiliar with Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport, one can literally drive in circles around the thing, trying to find a certain terminal.

The good news, is that there is an effective tram system for those whose connecting gates are in different terminals.

A DC airport ticket agency offers some examples of 'why' US is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) askfor an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by beingnear the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer(Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explainthe length of the flight and the passport information, and then heinterrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, butCapetown is in Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Codis in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa '' his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furiousabout a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with thevacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. Itried t o explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middleof the state.

He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is avery thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked,''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called andasked if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservationand noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked himwhy he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a bigairport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.''(Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week.She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroitleft at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but shecouldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her theplane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Doairlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whoseluggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tagon my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's veryrude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I wasdying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno,Ca. Is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting adestination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquireabout a trip package to Hawaii ... After going over all the cost info,she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then takethe train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, BobbyBright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to geton?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was toldmy flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers onthem.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D)Called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have toget on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question aboutthe documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthydiscussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa.'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to haveone of those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When Itold her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times andevery time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to makereservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ...''

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's thename of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've lookedup every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.I asked for a half dozen nuggets.'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said theteenager at the counter.'You don't?' I replied.'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?''That's right.'So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets(Unbelievable but sadly true...)(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)

TWOI was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.She had no clue to what had just happened.

( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)

THREEA woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(Keep shuddering!!)

FOURI recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?''Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered,handing it and the car keys to me. As Itook the key and manually unlocked the door, Ireplied, 'Why don't you drive over there andcheck about the batteries. It's a long walk....'

PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!

FIVESeveral years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!

SIXA mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'

Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're Stupid!!!!Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.Don't laugh....it is all true...