The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Danielle Staub Goes HAM

Wednesday's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey was all about Danielle Staub's bachelorette party, and while there were no tables being flipped, there was a lot of drama.

Now, you may be wondering why Danielle is having a bachelorette party, especially when we know that her marriage has already fizzled out.

But thanks to the power of reality TV, we're getting to watch this trainwreck play out, and let's just say we're loving every minute of it.

Danielle wanted the best bachelorette party ever and even expected the likes of Margaret Josephs, Teresa Giudice, and Melissa Gorga to plan the whole bash out.

You may be scratching your head wondering why Margaret would take anything do with the event because Danielle has been treating her like something you would scrape off your shoe, but here we are.

"It needs to be perfect," Danielle started with her list of diva-like demands.

"I want only dairy- and gluten-free options. And the environment needs to be an expensive environment, but I also want really nice gifts."

We're surprised she didn't ask for a horse and carriage. Then again, the producers were probably scared Teresa got mad and flipped the carriage with Danielle in it.

We kid, mostly.

Margaret then made a rookie mistake by reminding Danielle of that time she had her registry at Hermes and Versace.

Shots fired.

Over to you, Danielle!

"It's just time to kick it into high f--king gear, that's all. You guys need to be texting me in the morning saying, 'Countdown!' That wouldn't suck. It's about being here for me."

Melissa even likened herself, Teresa and Margaret to "bridesmaids/servants" and even that wasn't enough to dial Danielle's demands.

What she did next was raise holy hell by praising Melissa and Teresa for always being there when she needed them.

"My expectations were for you to check in and make sure that I'm doing okay," Danielle said, clearly dragging Magaret right through the mud. "I'm getting married."

"It was a really lonely day when I had my fitting and my alterations," Danielle said, but Margaret was having absolutely none of it.

"We went to get your dress with you!" she barked back.

"Oh, no, I got a different gown altogether," Danielle complained as she geared up for a shouting match.

"WHY NOT CALL ME? WHY NOT BREAK THE SILENCE AND CALL THE BRIDE?"

"I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WENT FOR YOUR F--KING ALTERATIONS!" Margaret shouted back at her former friend.

"I want people to pay attention to me!" Danielle complained. "When do I get to feel like the bride, instead of feeling like I'm attacked and gnawed at like a dog with a f--king bone?!"

Oh yeah, Danielle wants the whole show to be about her. Did she forget that she's only billed as a friend of the housewives?

"The way you just spoke to me is disgusting," said Margaret as she got ready for round forty-six.

But Danielle was not ready to back down.

"So I shouldn't register as a bride?"

That's when Margaret flipped the hell out, but thankfully no tables were harmed.

"NO, YOU SHOULDN'T! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD F--KING DO? YOU SHOULD SAY, 'NO GIFTS. IN LIEU OF GIFTS, DONATE TO CHARITY.' BECAUSE YOU HAVE A F--KING HOUSE FULL OF SHIT AND IT'S YOUR SECOND WEDDING. YOU'RE A F--KING BRIDEZILLA, AND YOU'RE BEING AN ASSHOLE."

That was enough to stop Danielle's power trip, and she apologized to Margaret. Seriously though, what the eff is Danielle all about?

The party went relatively well, but Melissa worried that her friend was gearing up for marriage for all the wrong reasons.

"How are you feeling about everything?" she said to Danielle.

"I'm a little nervous because it's not even here in Jersey," Danielle responded. "We're going someplace. What if my gowns don't make it? What if people don't make it?"

Danielle got the wrong end of the stick, and Melissa confirmed what she meant.

"Just like any other relationship, there's peaks and valleys," Danielle replied. "And when you come together at our age, there's gonna be a lot of peaks and valleys."

Yeah, it certainly seems like there was trouble before the couple even got married.