Cosmo has been known to employ some very, er, abstract metaphorical language, but nothing has been worse, writes doctor donna, than the preponderance of masticating cow imagery that the magazine uses to describe some especially sensitive sex acts:

I knew this was coming when the cashier in Barnes and Nobles saw me looking at Fifty Shades of Grey …
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You know, I'm about to talk about one of my silliest pet peeves. I am really tired of Cosmo telling me to "graze my teeth" over body parts. Not only is it usually the worst kind of bad advice, but it calls up all sorts of non-sexual images about the verb "to graze." Like, cows graze. I just cannot and will not separate the word "graze" from "consuming plants." It's a derivative of GRASS. At best, if we INSIST upon using food-related terms to describe the action, raking one's teeth over another's flesh is a vaguely carnivorous action. "Butcher your teeth over his index finger." At least that would be the better verb for describing what is done to the penis when teeth are involved.

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