I am in love with a God transcending all forms and constructs. I am awed by the concept of a deep divine flow worlds beyond what my own finite imagination can capture. In many ways, I need my entreaties to HaShem to be spilled into something utterly unknowable. I am not interested in a God that acts, thinks, feels or even looks as I do. Most of us, beautiful certainly, are a bit messed up, as well. I prefer to think of God as more wholly perfect than all of us spectacular and truly flawed human beings.

Such ideas of divinity stand in stark contrast to the anthropomorphic and decidedly male deity of our Torah. Directing prayers of gratitude and veneration to some faraway “He” never felt comfortable for me. How can I embrace an image of God so devoid of my own distinct femaleness? My identification as a woman is as central to who I am as my identification as a Jew. Frankly, if I have to devise an image of the infinite, I’d much prefer a righteous mashup of Lisbeth Salander and Margaret Atwood, with a little Angela Davis and Wonder Woman thrown in for good measure. Which is why, on the one day our sages electrified with female energy, I am willing to suspend my whole hearted acceptance of a God entirely beyond gender.

In Parshah Va’ethanan, we are told, “observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you” (Deuteronomy 5:12). Shabbat is arguably the most important Jewish institution. For centuries, its observance has been defended, advocated for, and enthusiastically adopted. Shabbat is a sanctuary common to all Jews. Through evolving interpretations of our Torah, it has also become a space for welcoming the divine feminine.

Religion, for many Jews, is a meritocracy. Where you went to college/yeshiva, what branch of Judaism ordained you, what rabbis you studied under, what level of kashrut, negiah, shabbat you keep. This is a litmus test for how-Jewishly-you-can-be-trusted. The more hardcore you are, the better, even if people think that your understanding of Judaism is bogus. At least you have the spiritual resume to back it up.

But really, is this where holiness comes from? Does a person who goes to a black hat yeshiva really cleave to G-d and the Torah more than someone who went to a community college?

Moses seems to think that our destiny is not in the shul or the centers of learning. In fact, it seems like we’re going to seek G-d from the outside.

Just read…
“And the Lord will scatter you among the peoples, and you will remain few in number among the nations to where the Lord will lead you. And there you will worship gods, man’s handiwork, wood and stone, which neither see, hear, eat, nor smell. And from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him, if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deut. 4:27-31)

This doesn’t seem like a really good ad for Jewish higher learning or Israel immersion. In fact, it seems like us Diaspora people have been part of the plan all along.

I’m really turned on by the phrase, “And from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him, if you seek Him.” It doesn’t say, “from the Chabad house, you will find G-d” or “in the corporate offices of the Jewish Federations you will find G-d” or “in the house of some learned scholar of the Torah, you will find G-d.” No! It says that from a place of idol worship, of disconnection from the greater Jewish community, from a place of sin…that is where we will find G-d.