I Can’t Have Anymore Children- My Decision for Tubal Ligation

I became a mom at a very young age. I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant, and I proceeded to give birth a few months after my 18th birthday. My labor and delivery was pretty traumatic; resulting in an emergency c-section that left me internally scarred and on the road to a lot of health issues. But a healthy 9lb baby was delivered nonetheless.

At 18 years old, the last thing on my mind was having any more children. I was so preoccupied with learning how to be a new adult at the same time learning how to parent; the only thing I had on my mind was what birth control that I could be on forever. Eventually, 5 years later to be exact, I gave birth to my middle child, a son. While that pregnancy and delivery was a lot less traumatic, I had experienced a miscarriage or two before him.

Now, at the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I was under a lot of stress with the lifestyle I was living, and things weren’t the greatest with my husband (who I wasn’t married to yet at the time). But after my middle son’s birth, I’d go on to have at least 6 more miscarriages. My body was exhausted, doctors could never give me a reason, they basically told me it was because I was obese.

It was emotionally taxing and put a great strain on my marriage and even some of my relationships with friends. Right before I gave birth to my last baby in 2016, I lost a pregnancy in August 2014. It broke my soul in a way that I will never forget; to the point that despite my successfully giving birth since then; it still grieves me. So when my OB/GYN asked me at the beginning of my pregnancy if I was interested in tubal ligation, I didn’t hesitate to say yes.

I didn’t know at 6 weeks into my pregnancy whether or not I would even make it to the end of my pregnancy. But what I did know is the idea of ever experiencing the pain of loss again was not on my list of things to do, and I also knew I had Asherman’s Syndrome. (wouldn’t be until a whole year later that I discovered my thyroid issues had everything to do with all my losses). I also took solace in knowing that I had the blessing of bringing two little ones into the world already and that would have to be good enough for me in case things didn’t go well.

I’m pleased to say things did go well, and I welcomed my last little bundle of joy into this world on July 21, 2016. I also got my tubes taken care of right there in the OR after c-section. I am 32 years old, I’ll be 33 years old in just a few months. Despite all my health issues and complications I’ve experienced; I was able to bring 3 beautiful children into this world. That’s more than I could have asked for or even expected considering the circumstances.

At the end of the day, I had to make a choice about my health. Had my health not been as it is, perhaps I would’ve continued to have more children; I have no way of knowing! But, when people ask do I feel any remorse or any sadness-I have to answer with honesty: NO! My life has been a whirlwind of ups and down but through it all I got to be some little people’s mommy and that’s more than what some women are able to do.

These days, I’m learning to count my blessings and be content…and that’s all I have to say about that!

Alicia aka AP is a writer, blogger and public speaker who has built her platform on speaking her truth regardless of how unflattering it mightbe. Her advocacy includes Mental Health Awareness, Body Acceptance & Diversity, and Navigating life with Chronic Illness. AP
also has a vested interest in teaching plus size women how toadvocate for their health care in the face of weight discriminatory culture within the health care field. AP also has a passion for fashion;and beauty, specifically for women of extended sizes! Through her blog
and social media platforms; she attempts to encourage and inspire women to shed the stereotypes and step out of the boxes society tendsto set for women in the plus body community.