Distinction
between self- and other publishing where other-publishing offers more
esteem, privacy, and closure, closure in more than one sense: internet
self-publishing is even more like hiding in the open than underground
print publishing -- print books and journals have to be special-ordered
or purchased at readings and book fairs and are therefore much more
difficult to access

Dear Lena (first reference at Ana Verse) or Lana (second reference about a year later, my mistake), not her real name or names, LJT:

I
tried on a Fleurette coat in Aubergine at home (shipped from
Nordstrom) and even called the company in New York before ordering,
regarding size, and the woman who works there (or owns the company?)
said the coats run "true to size." I was between a size 8 and 10. I
ordered both ($795 full price, no fur or leather trim) and returned
both to Nordstrom at MOA. The wool is nice, but the cut ran short in
the waist on me and felt a little baggy at the small of the back,
regardless of size. I am surprised by the prices of wool coats
(suddenly, this year?), quite high. [My Nina Ricci pretty brown
Merino wool original car-length coat with sheared beaver collar cost
$450 on sale from $900 at Lord & Taylor in Houston in 1995. My
L&T charge card survived the b'cy in 1997 with a zero balance but
expired without a L&T store here. Lisa Pottratz's mother
illustrated fashion for L&T from home in the '70s. There is more to
say about fertility, naming, and diabetes.] I am so glad I kept the
charcoal wool UGG coat (shearling collar), $385 on sale [November 2012],
with its great quality and fit. I guess manufacturers want a lot for
fox fur trim suddenly, too? I bought two thick cotton knit hats last
year at Hoigaard's with little fox tufts at the tips: about $49 each.

How
is it going? I got a new haircut at Metropolis Salon. Here's a pic I
took of myself (in the middle of some night, after two dozen attempts
to capture a nice photo):

That
was before I cut my hair further myself, in the front (on both sides)
including bangs. I left the back almost entirely alone. Keith
charged $108 for the cut and style (including my $20 tip) and to remove
the
chemically-mysterious-yet-I-believe-related-to-the-Keratin-treatment
BEEHIVE that formed on January 4-6, 2013. I did not ask
Kelly for a whole or partial refund for the treatment application of
November 21, 2012. I saw her a week ago, the second time I went to
the salon one full hour late for a consultation. She had told me on the
phone she had never heard of a Keratin beehive. [She said a change in
medication might cause the hair to knot. I ran out of coffee early in
January and didn't drink coffee, except one cup, for several weeks. I
also lost weight, not dieting, upon leaving my long-term service
companionship. That wall to the East formed of iron along the CST
line.] Only I, and to a lesser extent, Ned, know the exact details of
what I did with my hair, shampoo, conditioner, water, diet, geographical
location(s), social circumstances, medication(s), coffee, beer, glass
or two of wine at Christmas, etc., that took place then. Medical
records kept by the psychiatrist (M.D. by definition) and pharmacist
could establish a detail or two as well. Let's assume that my stable
regimen did not go to my hair at the exact moment a beehive
hairdo started to form. I think Keith may have claimed to somebody or
other at Metropolis [not to me (objective form of the pronoun required
there)] that I had not washed my hair in seven weeks, not true if so. I
washed it every week and a half-to-twelve days (as usual) and brushed it every day.

I
may try to write an essay about the Keratin experience [including a
passage about the white woman (prostitute, Jeff Hansen said) whom he
and I saw at Red Dragon in Minneapolis in 2011, whose "bun" stood about
sixteen inches or so above her head. I would not have known then how
she might have achieved "that look," but I was impressed. A physical
fight with other ethnically-divided women ensued indoors and may have
escalated outside, away from my witness]. I have no photo of my
beehive (six inches at its tallest, measured from the top and back of
my head). I felt there was no way for me to get a photo of what the
bun felt like to the touch—a permanent bun I could neaten with
clips. Worn "down," it looked ragged (damaged color and texture,
both). Fully written, it might be a 3,000-word story of hair
sacrifice.

I tried but could not
get a good shot of my hair as it looks today (February 9, 2013). I look
fine in the mirror and window reflection and haggard in digital
Blackberry shots. Richard Avedon has been quoted as having said or
written, "The camera doesn't lie." It Mayberry R.F.D. that Tina Brown lies,
however, since evidence that Avedon said or wrote that line, printed in The New Yorker,
alongside a photo of him some year before he died in 2004, is now not
easy or impossible to locate via Google. My photogeneity is uneven in
digital and film photography, both.

More a little later, hope your February is melting slowly.

Love, Ann

P.S. With your permission, I would like to post this email as an entry at my weblog, Ana Verse, subject to my own minor editing. I will not use your name or email address, if so.

[I prepared this story post prior to LJT's response. I sent it to her as an email 2/9/2013 4:44:57 P.M. Central Standard Time, and I know, by personal experience, that she checks her email rather infrequently. Since today may be the only day I feel likely to fuss over this piece of writing, I called her, and she said, "Sure, honey." I feel concerned by the charge of "self-plagiarism" leveled at Jonah Lehrer, a professional writer and journalist, by (named?) members in and of the mainstream press. For my purposes, I have practiced and believed that stating a dual-context (without identifying my email recipients by name) might be enough, and, to note, I do not expect writing or plagiarism, including of oneself, to be paid.]