Is this really what God wants?

by Darrall

Up till a short while ago (11months ago) my life had been filled with booze, drugs and lies. My Marriage slowly fell apart and I had been sent to jail for a short time for a DUI. I'm not a religious man although I had been raised in a Christian home and in my lowest moment I did turn to prayer as I'm sure many people do. While incarcerated I prayed everyday that god would take control of my life and direct me in a different direction, to lead me down a different path and to put meaning and purpose in my life. My incarceration only lasted 3 weeks but my desire for something better in life has lasted for years and years. The following few months were willed with confusion, doubt, panic and depression that I self medicated as I always have. I'm all alone in this world with no family left and have pushed every friend I did have far away from me for fear someone may realize my failed attempt at life. Then almost on the nose of new year 2012 something unexpected happened and I basically lost my last friend in this world. This hit me very hard, so hard I moved far away into a remote setting to be alone. I sat there in my little world for 30 days when that morning while sitting on my bunk a strong thought came in my head to buy a musical instrument, one that I had excelled at as a young boy but had dropped it also when I was very young to pursue a life of drugs, booze and woman. This feeling was so strong I did in fact buy one and since that day I have not taken one drink. Instead I have poured myself into this instrument dedicating every day to practice and perfecting my long lost and badly abused gift that I know was given to me by God. So that being said and taking a moment to review the past 11 months there is evidence that a change has taken place but is this the result of my asking God for help or did I just isolate myself from the world and the instrument gives me something to do? I have to add there is a strong force pushing me to learn this instrument and in the past 3 months I've progressed a distance for most would take years but by no means am I even as good as I was as a teenager. Judging by my progress in this past 3 months booze free there is good reason to think I could be playing pro in less then a year. How could I learn such complicated pieces in such a short time after not playing for nearly 30 years? I don't think I could remember enough of the past 30 years to write a 30 page book!

I know there's no one on this site that has any powers will tell me if what's happening to me is Gods plan but I would be ever so great-full if you could read what I have written and give me your opinion. Do you think this is what I prayed for or am I just kidding myself? Is this the devil just leading me down another failed attempt at something that wont matter in the end?