Hilary Teachout, my beloved wife and life’s companion, died two months ago this Sunday, and her ashes were returned to me a week and a half ago. Save for that bleak landmark, nothing much has happened to me since her death. Yes, the rest of the world has been turned upside down, but I have discovered that profound grief makes all else seem dim by contrast. I follow the news and register its unfolding horrors, but my sorrow has muted their clamor, and I receive them as if from a great distance. Otherwise, I remain alone in my apartment, waiting for New York to open up again, communicating electronically with friends and family but never seeing them in person.

It struck me a few days ago that I’d spent the past year and more deprived of any sense of a future. As Hilary grew sicker and her health crises more frequent, I was forced to devote a fast-growing part of my time and energy to taking care of her from day to day, putting out fires and doing my best to anticipate the next thing that might go wrong. We had all but lost hope by March that she would ever receive the double lung transplant that we had long believed would change her life, and without that hope, I could no longer see anything but what was directly in front of me.

Now that I have lost Hilary, all that has changed. Impossible though it is for me to imagine a life without her, the fact remains that I cannot help but have one—that it has, indeed, already begun. I’ve even made a plan for the future: I’m going to drive down to Florida’s Sanibel Island come December, and I will scatter Hilary’s ashes not far from the beach bungalow on the Gulf of Mexico that was the place she loved best. I’d always wanted to take a few days off and drive to Florida, stopping along the way to visit friends and see whatever there might be to see, but her increasingly fragile health made any such adventure impossible. Instead I’ll do so by myself, and my trip will be a kind of pilgrimage, the fulfillment of a promise to lay my spouse to rest in the best of all possible places.

And what will I do between now and then? I know there is no knowing, for the pandemic is firmly in the saddle and rides mankind. In any case, my imagination as yet extends no further than to the simplest of possibilities: I want to see my friends, not on a computer screen but face to face. I want to talk endlessly to them, not just about my own grief but about whatever comes to our minds, and I want even more to listen to them. More than anything else, they are my future, and their love is the source of my shaky but nonetheless abiding belief that I will have some kind of life after Hilary, perhaps even a truly happy one—different, to be sure, but not without possibilities of its own.

When Dylan Thomas died in 1953, his widow plunged herself into drunken, self-destructive mourning, later writing a memoir called Leftover Life to Kill. That is not the way I want to spend the rest of my life, nor is it the way Hilary would have wanted me to spend it. She made that clear: she expected me to go on without her. “You’d better not fall apart after I die,” she told me more than once. I did for a time, but I’m finally starting to pull myself together again, slowly and haltingly but—I trust—surely.

After the British army turned back Rommel’s Nazi troops at El Alamein, Winston Churchill told his people, “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” I hope with all my heart that the same is true of me as well.

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Charlie Haden and Pat Metheny play Henry Mancini’s “Two for the Road”:

Winston Churchill speaks before the Lord Mayor’s Luncheon at Mansion House on November 10, 1942:

In today’s Wall Street Journal, I review a webcast from Chicago of TimeLine Theatre’s 2013 revival of To Master the Art, a play about Julia Child. Here’s an excerpt.

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As the pandemic continues to wreak financial havoc on America’s performing-arts organizations, more theater companies (though not nearly enough) are turning to webcasts of various kinds as a desperately needed source of revenue. Some, like New York’s Irish Repertory Theatre, are airing new online-only productions, while others are streaming older shows drawn from their archives. TimeLine Theatre, a much-admired Chicago troupe that specializes in “stories inspired by history,” has chosen the latter course with “To Master the Art,” a bioplay about Julia Child that was commissioned by the company in 2008 and revived there in 2013. Co-written and staged by William Brown, one of Chicago’s leading directors, and starring Karen Janes Woditsch, a Chicago-based actor of the first rank, it’s a play nicely suited to the moment, an intelligent entertainment about the comforting delights of cooking and eating….

Child was a co-author of “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” among the most influential cookbooks of the 20th century, and the star of “The French Chef,” the long-running PBS series that later made her a pop-culture icon (Dan Aykroyd spoofed it to wicked effect on “Saturday Night Live” in 1978). In “To Master the Art,” Mr. Brown and Doug Frew tell how “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” came to be written. That may not sound particularly interesting on paper, but it proves in practice to be a complicated and absorbing tale. Child came to Paris in 1948 with her husband Paul (Craig Spidle), a United States Information Agency official whom she had met when they were both working in Ceylon for the Office of Strategic Services, the wartime intelligence agency that later became the CIA. A “strapping girl from Pasadena” (as she describes herself in the play) who was bowled over by her first taste of French cooking, she promptly enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu and struck up a friendship with Simone Beck (Jeannie Affelder), who was writing a cookbook for American readers on which Child subsequently collaborated. Thirteen years later, “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” made her a household name.

Not only is “To Master the Art” the story of how a person discovers her destiny, but it is also a dual portrait of a loving marriage, and the chemistry between Ms. Woditsch and Mr. Spidle is a big part of what makes it good….

“A Dream Comes True: The Making of an Unusual Motion Picture,” a promotional featurette for Max Reinhardt’s 1935 Hollywood screen version of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. This trailer contains the only known sound film of Erich Wolfgang Korngold, who scored the film, playing piano:

(This is the latest in a series of arts- and history-related videos that appear in this space each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday)

Terry Teachout

Terry Teachout, who writes this blog, is the drama critic of The Wall Street Journal and the critic-at-large of Commentary. In addition to his Wall Street Journal drama column and his monthly essays … [Read More...]

About

This is a blog about the arts in New York City and the rest of America, written by Terry Teachout. Terry is a critic, biographer, playwright, director, librettist, recovering musician, and inveterate blogger. In addition to theater, he writes here and elsewhere about all of the other arts--books, … [Read More...]

Billy and Me, my second play, received its world premiere on December 8, 2017, at Palm Beach Dramaworks in West Palm Beach, Fla. Satchmo at the Waldorf, my first play, closed off Broadway at the Westside Theatre on June 29, 2014, after 18 previews and 136 performances. That production was directed … [Read More...]

My latest book is Duke: A Life of Duke Ellington, published in 2013 by Gotham Books in the U.S. and the Robson Press in England and now available in paperback. I have also written biographies of Louis Armstrong, George Balanchine, and H.L. Mencken, as well as a volume of my collected essays called A … [Read More...]