Carl Cox.Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-695-8411; mansionmiami.com. Tickets cost $250 to $20,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could pay $250 to enjoy the coming of 2013 like some sorta totally average EDM fan. Or you could max out the credit cards to celebrate like the Cox man with a $20,000 "Your Own Party on the Stage" package, complete with Grey Goose, Moët, and party favors!

Shwayze.With Mike Russ, Gino G, Chris Valencia, and the Problem Kids. Presented by Red Rabbit. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Shelborne South Beach, 1801 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-531-1271; shelborne.com. Tickets cost $95 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Are you, as 26-year-old SoCal rapper Aaron Smith (AKA Shwayze) might say, "on your Shway shit"? Will you get drunk off love and champagne on South Beach for NYE? Will you meet a stranger "hot like cashmere"? Will you do it "in public/Let them all see, fuck it"?

Calvin Harris.With Jacob Plant. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., LIV, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-4680; livnightclub.com. Tickets cost $375 to $18,000 plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. After about 28 years' worth of New Year's Eve parties, we all get sorta sick of premium vodka and Dom Pérignon. Just like 28-year-old Calvin Harris, who laments, "This is like a flashback/This is like a dream/This is like all the things you can fit/Inside a memory." Still, a potentially epic time with 18 BFFs has gotta be worth $18,000, right? Definitely, bro.

Future.Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Cameo, 1445 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-532-2667; cameomiami.com. Tickets cost $50 to $100,000 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. How hard do y'all ball? When celebrating New Year's Eve on SoBe with Southern spitter Future, there are the "Magic" ($1,500) and "No Matter What" ($2,500) levels, the "Turn on the Lights" ($5,000) ultra VIP table, and the "Tony Montana" ($25,000) package. But you just ain't a boss till you drop $100,000 on the "In the Studio With Future" deal, which comes with 70 bottles of booze and a four-person meet-and-greet.

Kaskade.With Digital Lab. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Story Nightclub, 136 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-479-4426; storymiami.com. Tickets cost $275 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Who could've guessed that EDM would explode in 2012? Not Kaskade. As the electronic-dance-music trailblazer told New Times: "I was never one of those guys who was good at reading the crystal ball." So Mr. K's modest prediction for the next 365 days: peace, love, unity, respect. Keep the future PLUR, kids.

Drake.With Kayper. Monday, December 31, 9 p.m., Fontainebleau Miami Beach, 4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2000; fontainebleau.com. Tickets cost $250 and up plus fees via wantickets.com. Ages 21 and up. Who is every girlfriend's favorite rapper? No doubt it's supersensitive tough guy Aubrey Drake Graham. That's why surprising your pretty little GF with tix to Drizzy's NYE bash is a very dangerous idea. He will exclude you from the VIP. He will charm your lady with his favorite drink, the Sprite-and-wine spritzer. And he will take her to a private poolside cabana for a cuddling sesh. Oh yeah, Drake will steal the best you ever had. Just ask Chris Brown.

Do you have to have a goverment issued Douche card to enter these parties? Or will my Schmedium bedazzled shirt, dragon jeans and indoor sunglasses part the velvet ropes? I'll stay at home and drink myself stupid.