Tuttle

What if newspapers asked kids to write why their mothers are the worst?

A hallmark of newspapers across the country on Mother's Day is the space devoted to children's letters describing why their mom is "the best." For weeks before the designated Sunday, papers invite kids to take pen to paper (or, I imagine in many cases, fingers to keyboard) and tell why their particular mother is a mother above all mothers.

But wouldn't it be great if once, just once, some newspaper were contrary enough to ask children to reveal why their mother was the worst mother, to tell all the dirty little secrets Mom would rather not have made public?

While a great catharsis for children, such letters might act as an incentive for less-than-ideal mothers to get it together in order to avoid shame, ridicule and possible charges of child neglect, or worse.

Here's a sampling of what we could expect if kids were invited to share their darkest feelings:

Josh, age 8: My mom is the worst, because she won't let me eat hot dogs like all my friends do. She says hot dogs have rat poop and other nasty stuff in them, but I don't believe her cuz Brandon's mom wouldn't let him eat them if that were true.

Kim, age 7: The worst mother in the world is mine. Every time we go somewhere, she is always talking on her cell phone and yells at me to be quiet or shut up if I want to talk to her. When I am old enough, I am going to get a cell phone and never talk to her even if she wants me to.

Isaac, age 11: My mom has to be the worst ever. When it's time to buy school clothes, she always goes with me, even though all my friends get to go by themselves. It's so embarrassing. She says it's so I won't buy "foolish" stuff. I end up going to school dressed like a nerd. I told her she is turning me into one of those kids who goes crazy at school and does violent stuff, but she just laughs.

Jennifer, age 13: For sure, my mom is the worst. She won't let me wear makeup and says I'll be allowed to wear only lipstick next year when I'm in high school. All my girlfriends already wear eyeliner and have a lot of other cool makeup. My mom is the "b" word.

Luciano, age 10: My mother is the worst of any mother anywhere. My dad met her when he was a college kid studying in Italy, and she is this Italian witch. Whenever she gets mad, she starts to yell in Italian and threatens to go back to Italy where she says people know how to treat each other. And we can't have a meal without her saying, "mangia, mangia. " It gets really old.

Lee, age 9: My mom is not only the worst mother; she is also crazy. She thinks just because she's a feminist, I have to grow up to be one, too. She won't let me wear dresses or skirts, and she won't have the color pink in our house. I'm not allowed to play with dolls, but when I was 5, she got me a physics set for kids. I hate her, and when I grow up, I'm going to have lots of babies and stay home and never work and let my daughters have all the Barbie dolls they want.

Taylor, age 12: There is no mother worse than mine. When I come home from school, she makes me do my homework before I can watch television or play video games. And then she only lets me watch or play for one hour! She doesn't get it that even kids need to unwind after a hard day at school and keeps talking about doing "active" stuff, not "passive" stuff, whatever that means.

Becky, age 6: My mommy is the worst mommy ever made. She won't let me wear my Halloween princess costume to school. I told her that in the McDonald's commercial, the little girl gets to wear what she wants cuz her mommy knows what goes inside is more important, but when I told her that, she got all frowny on her face. So then I told her maybe she needed a pill like all them people in the other commercial who are sad. But then she got real mad. Mothers are strange.