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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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BTtDwYMTGitMB

September 25, 2009

For this week's BTtDwYMTGitMB I'll be filling in for our usual host,
MikeBrownDelendaEst, who is out with a "knee".

Addiction to spending on all things Bengals is a tough habit to
kick, but we plan to fight it until all of Cincy successfully completes
treatment. Previously we counseled you to try things un-related to
football, but this week the doctor declares that the cure for what ails you
is the hair of the dog that bit you.

That's right, spend more on football. But not Bengals
football. UC football. The good folks uptown hope to build
a first-class indoor/outdoor training facility for all UC sports but with
special emphasis for the football team. Says Bearcats head coach Brian
Kelly:

"It is certainly our plan to be playing into January each and
every year. That means we
are going to be playing meaningful games into November and December and we need
the right facilities to prepare the team.

"At this stage in the development of our program we are
compromising on game preparation and off-season development without suitable
practice space and an indoor training facility."

The not so thinly veiled implication being that the Bengals must also be compromising their late season game preparation as well. Mike Brown everybody!

According to the article, UC needs to secure an additional $6 million in funding to complete the $13.5 million project. Whale donor Larry Sheakley will match any donations up to $1 million. That means you get double the bang for your buck for this week's BTtDwYMTGitMB. So, for the price of two orange level tickets ($144) you can raise $288 to help build a facility every school in the Big East already has (except South Florida, who needs no indoor facility, because it's Florida).

And you can feel good about supporting the local community and a team that does everything it can to produce a winner for our city.

September 11, 2009

Due to the misguided benevolence of the local CBS affiliate and grocery chain, WDR wasn't able to extend it's streak of taking credit for Bengal's blackouts. No matter, we know our loyal comrades continue to support the boycott, and only some corporate chicanery has allowed the masses to see the first home game this year. If anything this helps our cause, as we don't expect the three hour commercial that Krogers and WKRC just purchased to be particularly enticing, given who the director was (and continues to be). However, as has been noted, tickets are still available, so as is our custom we present an alternative to throwing money into the Bermuda triangle that is Mike Brown's wallet.

September 03, 2009

We sparked quite a bit of conversation for giving ourselves a pat on the back after the first preseason game was blacked out. Well, another preseason game is upon us, and once again television sets within 75 miles of 4th and Vine will be not be airing the Bengals game (at least not until 11:30pm or so).

While we trust our fellow comrades to continue honoring the boycott, we don't want to leave you wanting for entertainment this weekend. So once again WDR proudly presents an alternative to the titanic contest between the backups of the Cincinnati Bengals and the backups of the Indianapolis Colts.

This week we're still taking into account the needs of one of the newest residents of the Queen City, Andre Smith. No doubt he's had a tough week, with all the travel, contract signing and broken metatarsals. He needs to relax and get off his feet (at least the left one), and so do you, so why not spend a day at the Beach Waterpark. Labor Day marks its last day of operation for the year, and with temperatures due to climb back into the 80s there's no better time to enjoy a dip in the wave pool. Swimming is a great low impact workout, which should be perfect for somebody who is contractually mandated to stay under 350 pounds, but a good time can be had even if you weren't guaranteed $21 million dollars early this week.

In fact, for less than the already discounted price of the cheapest ticket at Riverfront Choice Tickets ($24 on a $72 face value ticket), you and a friend can spend a full day in the sun at the Beach, and still have $2 left over. So, have the missus pull out the bikini one more time and head North on I-71 for your fun this weekend. Who knows, Andre might even be there, we already know how much he likes to go shirtless.

August 27, 2009

As you mayhaveheard, the first Bengals preseason home game will be blacked out this evening. Congratulations comrades, this is yet another sign that our boycott is working (although a meaningless contest featuring only one starting quarterback and two teams who combined to go 6-26 last year might also have something to do with it).

We realize that after the long eight month layoff from semi-professional football, some of you may be tempted to break ranks and pick up a ticket to the game. For you we present a new semi-regular feature: Better Things to Do with Your Money Than Give it to Mike Brown.

This week why not think of yourself as Andre Smith? Sure, you're not going to be paid millions of dollars anytime soon, but he's not showing up at the Bengals game tonight, and neither should you. If there's one thing Andre is doing to fill his time, I'm guessing it doesn't involve salad, so why not have a Cincinnati feast. For less than the price of a two North End Zone Club Level tickets, Cincyfavorites.com will deliver two slabs of Montgomery Inn ribs, BBQ Sauce, two cans of Skyline Chili, a box of oyster crackers, Peppermint Patties, hot sauce and a pint each of Graeter's black raspberry chip and chocolate chip ice creams direct to your door anywhere in the US ($115.90 - includes shipping). Throw in a 12-pack of Burger Beer (~$5.99) and you and a friend can celebrate the the return of blackouts cincy-style for $6.11 less than two of the cheapest tickets to the game. Maybe you and Mikey can agree about this frugality thing after all.