You are partly to blame for all of this culinary fuckery.You scroll through your Facebook feed and suddenly halt, mesmerized by one of those ubiquitous "Tasty" videos from Buzzfeed. It's like crack, watching disembodied hands stirring cheese whiz and margarine...

I'm going to get so many perverts via google search accidentally looking at a recipe instead of porn because of this post title. But some pervs also like to cook! Welcome, pervs! Anyhoo, because it's summer and everyone's grilling burgers, I thought I'd...

I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said before when I acknowledge the gross-out factor in regards to oysters. They're little bits of mollusk innards that live in a shell, filter-feeding through cilia and trapping plankton in their mucousy gills. Some...

You know how I hate Italian food because it's mind-numbingly boring, with the same ten ingredients just presented in different iterations, the pretense that shaping the pasta dough differently results in a wholly different flavor and the proliferation of...

It's happened to all of us (especially if you're female):Scene: Bustling eatery downtown, two women at a table, reading menus.Woman 1, sipping her cocktail, eyeing the Kobe burger, slathered with foie gras, and topped with gruyere:"Hmmm.....everything looks...

It's time to have a talk about alcohol. Like, how AWESOME it is. And how it makes everything (ugly people, parties, cramps, life in general) so much better.Especially food. Of course, we love booze WITH our food: steak with wine, Asian cuisine with beer...

The interwebs are rife with pinterest whores telling you what to stuff in your meat and how easy fucking peasy it is (full disclosure: I have a pinterest account, but only so I can be a 'real' blogger and get some damn pageviews - I do not participate otherwise)....

Food blogs are a thing now. How could they not be, what with all the spotlight on artisanal pickles from Brooklyn hipsters, the proliferation of celebrity chefs and social media catapulting food photography into the arena of safe-for-work porn. Yours truly...

Lobster, in and of itself, is boring. I know, you *can't believe I said that* because to most plebs, lobster is the epitome of luxury gourmet eats. But think about it for a minute: when you order lobster, are you getting it for the actual taste, or is it...

Summer has arrived and with it, music festivals all over the country luring folks with enough money to loll around in the dirt for a few days listening to a few good bands along with many, many bad ones. But it's for the experience, right? In addition to...

In an era where precious little snowflake college students are bemoaning the General Tso's Chicken in the dorm dining hall not being 'authentic enough' (even though it's an American dish) and taco bars at sorority fundraisers are considered offensive enough...

Not only is it the sluttiest thing Canada has ever done, I do believe it's the best. Not that the maple bar was ever set that high for the country known as America's Hat. I've been to Canada a few times and found that all they really have to offer is grim...

Pizza and beer - one of the more cliched pairings in the food world. Of course, that's if you're eating a standard pepperoni pie with tasteless mozzarella and washing it down with a Coors Light (blech). What if we really dialed in a perfect pairing with...

I was in absolute awe a couple of months ago when I happened upon the Pabst Blue Reuben invented by the genius who runs DudeFoods.com. In a drunken fit of inspiration, he brought us an already slutty sandwich made even sluttier by deep frying it in beer...

In the interest of servicing our readers (ahem), we ask: What's your favorite ingredient/best way to slut up a dish? * Foie GrasCheeseButterSugarAlcoholEggsBaconCreamTrufflesOther If Other please specify: * Submit [...]

I love burgers. They're the perfect way to combine the protein, veg and starch elements of a meal in one handheld mass. Which leaves the other hand free for clutching a cocktail. However, the burger we're going to talk about today will require you to hold...

Food trends are the millennial hipsters of the culinary world. They take something that might be marginally original and/or sort of fun, then bastardize it, turning it into a viral phenomenon that only encourages other douchebags into spreading it around...

You know pizza (and Italian food in general) bores me. And I won't bore you by ranting about it again. Just for shits and giggles, let's talk about something I LOVE instead: Asian cuisine. I love the deep-fried comfort food dishes from the Chinese, the...

If you haven't figured it out by now, this is not a fellow-mommy-makes-shit-your-offspring-will-enjoy blogs. I don't believe in dumbing down your food for kids, because it just creates frustrated parents and picky kids. I'm also not going to kowtow to the...

Regular readers may remember my rant against boneless, skinless chicken breasts a while back (http://goo.gl/a3EHTk) . You all seemed to enjoy it, and I'm nothing if not an enthusiastic advocate for self-enjoyment. But not in a way that would have you booking...

Slutty Kitchen

Why Slutty? Because it's the best way to describe food that's gratuitous in butter, cheese, bacon, alcohol, sugar, spice and any other element that makes you hungrily lust after it. When someone describes it, your mouth waters. When you see it, your stomach growls. When you eat it, you are in ecstasy. Some would just call it sexy, but I don't think that's going far enough. This is not Tuesday night food made in 30 minutes or less that your kids will like. This food is made without regard to health, speed or reason. I don't bake, because I don't like to measure and/or follow directions. So you won't find any cutesy cupcakes here. I think vegetarians can't be trusted and vegans are just shy of the hezbollah. You'll definitely get your fill of meaty madness, fatty fantasies and sublime salt. And foie gras? My favorite ingredient.