The beauty of my body is not measured by the size of the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, "We grew a child in here," and breasts that say, "We nourished life." My hands, with bitten nails and a writer's callus, say, "We create amazing things."

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon. ~Ellen DeGeneres

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Jasmine.... creative, humongous heart, she spend the night in the hospital room with me when I had both of my younger sons, running and fetching for me, the Drs say Bipolar, I say Dynamic, if she is not Tigger (bouncy) she is Eeyore (sad and blue) constantly striving for Pooh

Krystal... the little momma since she was 5, always the 'grown up one', she was with me every minute during my surgery and the hospital stay, she is Kanga

Naomi... still talks to angels, she is the pure one, the Drs say Autistic, I say Ausome.

Erik... the future photographer, he loves to work the camera, from in front of from behind, he is my snack buddy, I eat what I can, he eats the rest. he really has gone on this journey with me. he is truly an accomplished brown noser.

Magnus... the sensitive one, he is painfully shy, easily hurt, he comes in and snuggles with me every single morning before school. I was gone for 6 weeks during the summer and it took him 7 months to 'trust' me again.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Friday, February 23, 2007

well... I think about the amount of strength and support it took for me to GET HERE... and I am truly grateful.

the fact that I have been running for the last 9 weeks... but then again... 2 weeks visitation on location 3000 miles from home in motel 6, and then 3 weeks to pull together a large formal wedding on a microscopic budget.. and then 3 weeks to get the nursery ready and the vehicle situation resolved for my very pg daughter, and then 10 days later pull off a baby shower admist entering an entire year of bookkeeping and then totally doing my taxes for the entire year in 48 hours. I am freaking amazed that I have survived.

today was TYPICAL.. I looked all over the kitchen for breakfast, couldnt find anything good, skipped breakfast and had a 20 oz coffee. lunch, well, I got hijacked into going to the laundry mat with my parents, I did eat a cliff bar, drank a 20 sports drink, took cash so that I could walk across the street for food, some beef and broccoli, they said no, wanted to eat out tonight but then they were driving and we didnt. so while waiting, I did get a bag of animal crackers. by 4 pm I was completely shaking and getting downright sick, went to the kitchen, faced with the exact same problem, no freaking food. I was in tears. I had put a 1 oz chicken precooked in there, and a 1 oz steak precooked in there, but it was GONE.

okay, so what exactly is no food? well yes, there is food. there are eggs, that I can not get down. there is yogurt that I can not get down, there is cereal, but no milk, there is grapefruit, but ick, there is cheese, which is what I finally ate, just cheese.

I need more choices. i had asparagus in the freeze, what I have had the last two meals. just so freaking frustrating.

as for the rest of my life, that is just so difficult. I love my daughter. she has the right to screw up as she sees fit. I am trying to be supportive.

BUT.....

she circ'ed him, and now it is infected and swollen. aaauuuggghhh

he is breastfed, she gave him formula with iron and is SUPRISED that he has horrible tummy ache, terrible gas and really bad diarrhea.

BREATHE... BREATHE...

in through the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth,

there are three areas that just freaking get me going....

carseats, there is a right way and a wrong way, I spent DAYS researching seats and learning how to get them installed and it is an obsession I know.. but I completely go off on car seats.

breastfeeding, there is a right way to feed a baby and a wrong way, I can not for the life of me see, think, or believe that anyone can not 'do it' other than the dad. but I have some ideas about that too. hehehe breast is best, it takes time, no baby is born knowing, and no two babies are the same, each time, the mother has to learn all over again, but it can be done successfully. just have to be vigilant.

circumcising, there is just no civilized reason to circ a boy or a girl, I just can not believe or support it. my father, my fil, my grandfathers, my grandfather in laws, my husband, my sons, none are circ'ed and I just can not image that she would willingly do it to a perfectly adorable and sweet little guy. *sigh*

mommy is worried that she is doing this, that, or the other wrong. I am trying so disparately to be supportive, and not judgmental but it is extremely difficult. since he has been born, she has had him to the pediatrician on friday, monday, wednesday, and friday. so she is being the normal high maintenance parent. today the ped suggested supplementing with formula, I could just strangle them. him for suggesting and her for listening, she has a ton of milk, there is no reason to supplement. now she is engorged and the baby had a tummy ache. grrr.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

I am 98% done though, and so far all checks out. just irritating as all get out trying to get the balance sheets to balance!

as for me...

tummy is doing well, despite a lot of negligence. too many animal crackers. to much coffee. not enough sex according to my husband, but he has issues!

got a new mattress.. a sealy, very nice. sleep better IMO.

been getting caught up on my tv programs, and am about to dive into reorganizing the garage AGAIN.. it is really a self defeating process that I do bi-annually, but I keep doing it. one day I will actually get it the way that is functional (like the other rooms in the house that are now functional) and be done. but for now, I must persevere.

set up the 'port-a-crib' for the latest addition. his blog is more up to date than my own if that says anything about me and my issues.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

last night I bought MY OWN FLOWERS... my husband made a face that I did it

I bought MY OWN CHOCOLATE, got him a bag too. he liked that.

the most romantic time was when he and I went on a pre wedding honeymoon to Lom Norway where my fathers family is from. he proposed at a mountain chalet, actually in the cemetary (heehee) where my ancestors are burried. for us, THAT was romantic

as for Krys.

she is 1.5 cm dilated, 80% effaced, and in active labor. she is at the hospital and so I am heading out.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

okay, so today is definitely going to be a serious octane coffee day. I already sucked down an alkaseltzer and that didn't help. a chocolate protein bar. that didn't help. now for some SERIOUS caffeine!

I got up early, got Magnus dressed for school, he really didn't want to go. I finished up some orders, edits and I am currently totally caught up at work. you know you are not working hard enough if you do not have a stack of projects to work on.

the baby's room is totally done and looks great. will post pictures shortly.

have already collected the grandparents, going to run over, pick up krys, head to Ikea, then to Katy to get krys a 1995 Chevy Blazer. then back home to do whatever.

Monday, February 05, 2007

the family arrived Tuesday (my parents), Wednesday, Jasmine and her boyfriend) Thursday (my sister and her son). and on friday was the 'bridal brunch', we had that at the Fontenot (pronounced: fon-ten-o)grand mansion. we had a 'proper' British high tea with little sandwiches, teas, quiche, salad, trifle, and gifts.

Friday night we had the rehearsal, took three tries to get it so that it 'looked' normal. it was pretty funny figuring out what we were supposed to do. after the rehearsal, we started setting up the tables and everything for the reception in the room behind the chapel. I had some friends that volunteered to stay and keep working while we went to dinner and visited with the family of the groom. after dinner, we went back and finished the reception room.

sunday we get ready, got to the church early, but we were still putting stuff together and so by the time the bride was ready to walk down the isle, it was 3 pm instead of 2 pm.

but when she did walk, she was so pretty. she just glowed. after the wedding, we had a chocolate fountain snacks while we had our portraits taken. and then we had a long buffet line with all the food. we had a small dance with the bride and her grandfather, I ended up dancing with Sverre, but he was not very cooperative. (heehee) and I got a dance with my father and the ring bearer.

afterwards, we cleaned up in record time, and then had an after hours casino night, with drinking and general silliness.

Sunday was filled with opening presents and saying good bye to my sister and her son, Monday Jason had to work, but Krys, Jasmine and Jasmine's boyfriend (Patrick) and I drove downtown Houston and had dinner and walked on the bayou.

Jasmine / Patrick left the next day, and now we are preparing the baby's room for the arrival. we did have to replace the washer and dryer since they conked out. and we got a dresser and a toy chest donated to for the baby. my father has been working for weeks to get all the vehicles working. that has been a lot of tinkering.

now Krys is here resting and I have to run to the school to help with Erik's class room during English.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I am taking the success to my head... looking at finding a house that is more 'accessable' and that is more conducive to business down stairs, home upstairs. and that has more rooms downstairs.

my husband is getting nervous. we were thinking about moving to montana but right now I just do not know. I am FINALLY making a go of it and think that it would not be beneficial to do that even though we 'want' to be there. success does have a more pleasant aroma than eeking by.

I do want a store front, I do want to be able to set up my shoots and not have to take down each night, I do not want to spend $1K a month in rent and $1K a month in overhead and still have $2K a month on a home. when it would be more practical to stay at home especially with the boys being so young (5 and 7). but for me to look at moving is really a tough decision. the what if's creep in. what if I never have another sale. heehee what if. whatever. but then again. I really didn't think I would be 'working' in February. March, yeah sure, but I know the cycle and everyone blows the budget on Christmas and then you do not see them again until March. but on the good side. what if I do land 1/2 doz seniors too? what if I AM successful? if I feel this anxious about a little success I might just instantaneous combust from a lot of success!

I can see the headline news: Local Mom with Camera ash falls for three blocks after self destructing, details at 11.

does anyone ever get nervous when too many good things happen and they start tip toeing, waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

latest news... got Krystal's Dryer working (needed new electrical plug and wire installed, and a 'new' used washer, nice Kenmore for $20 that included free delivery. sweet. now that baby will have clean clothes

got her 'nursery' painted (olive green and mocha brown), now need to bleach the cement slab to kill any mold and then lay down some linoleum and move the baby stuff in. the room was 'teal' and hideous.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

I did it again. I had a tasteful nude yesterday and printed out my price list and she bought a la carte and so her sale was 3X my normal sale. I am in awe, I am inspired. I am freaking giggling my tush off.

I really really strove for perfection on the 'experience' and I think it paid off. she bought 15 (5x7), a 15 image dvd slide show, and a 16x20 metalic high key wall portrait. (will post when I complete the two image collage).

I do not know what came first success or self confidence, but the last 12 months have been such a pivotal process for me. I worked on marketing "ME", working on where "I" needed to be personally and it has paid off incredibly. I am now working on my 'unique selling point' and am finding that customer service is intrinsically tied to the experience as much as the wow factor of the HDTV / Projection experience. it is just amazing the things that I have learned over the last year.