Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A Bit of Girl Love

Yeah, thought that might get your attention, shameful on my part but a girl has got to do as a girl has got to do right? So this is where I come out a little, confess to my wine dudes that I have been playing for both teams. Where I stand before you shouting, “I kissed a girl and I liked it!”….shit, should have saved that for later, dammit.

Okay so I’m not a huge wine blog reader. You can check my blogroll and see that there are just a handful of blogs that I read and some of you may have noticed, and I know this may be hard for everyone….well aside from Charlie and John, to believe but a good clip of them are not wine blogs at all. They are “girl blogs” as one of my husbands calls them, (see Charlie and John Kelly know this one as they are closet girl blog readers). Blogs written by women about things outside the world of wine, and not only do I read them, I absolutely adore them. And as it turns out, one of them adores me back and gave me one of these…

Take that Catavino and Chronic Negress! You may have better writing skills but I gots me some style and I have an award to prove it! This is where I ask that you try and picture my, “I’m a badass” happy dance. It’s a modified Snoopy dance, little more swing of the hips and less head to the heavens. My beloved Sara at Sara In Le Petit Village has bestowed upon me two gifts; one a Stylish Blogger Award and the other, something to friggin write about that isn’t all drama and bummer saturated. Hooray and can I just say that I am sure she is pretty damn thankful that she is on the other side of the world right now, that kissing business would have been all over her had she been closer….

So the way this goes is I am to share seven secrets about myself and then pass on the award, seeing as I am kind of an open book it’s going to be difficult to come up with seven things you all don’t know already….I’m going to try and secretly hope that your years of wine consumption have pickled your brain cells enough that you may not recall some of these….dammit that’s two I gave away before even getting to my damn list! Better get started….

1) 1) I have a secret love, and no it’s not The HoseMaster of Wine…that’s no secret. No, my secret love if for that freakishly colored and textured cheese food that you find on nachos at like the movies and your more disgusting dive bars. The kind that stays all runny no matter how cold it gets and really doesn’t taste of cheese at all. Yeah, that stuff. Not something I like to share seeing that I am the cheese specialist at The Wine Country. Here I am selling Epoisses and Saint Agur all the while feeding my inner stoner with nacho fries from Del Taco.

2) 2) When I go to my favorite Chinese place, without my wine crew….I drink multiple glasses of Plum Wine. Don’t ask me why because I can’t explain it myself, I rarely drink things like Riesling, even the Kabinets because I don’t care for the slightest bit of sweetness but sit me down at Yen Ching and I am gluggin’ away at sickly sweet and truly artificially flavored “wine”.

3 3) I once watched a Jersey Shore marathon. Kind of like heroin for me that, just tried it the one time, made me want to vomit and I’ve never gone back.

4) 4) Birds scare the living shit out of me. Totally irrational I know but they freak me out and I am convinced that the way I am going to die will involve a bird….shiver.

5) 5) I recently got not one but two STD’s. Got the viruses from U Porn….why oh why did I click on threesome?! My laptop has been virus free for weeks now but the shame is still with me.

6) 6) I have absolutely no radar or vibe-o-meter when it comes to others being attracted to me, none. The very idea that someone would be baffles the hell out of me so I usually find out by way of drunken confession, always accompanied by my “Oh shut up you’re drunk” face or by finding someone’s mouth on me…always accompanied by the “What the hell?!” face. Got the skills of an eight year old boy when it comes to picking up on stuff like that, total idiot.

7) 7) I have a weak stomach AND a fierce gag reflex, fantastic combination I assure you. Snot rockets, poo and vomit, I need only think of them, (like now…oh holy hell) and I start gagging. I almost always have to brush my teeth in stages; go until I gag, compose myself and finish and I taught Jeremy when he was very small that if he needed to barf he had better make it, otherwise he would have company. See, just typing that is giving me the tight throat feeling that assures me today will be a two stage brushing day. Total freak.

So there you have it, this Stylish Blogger is a cheesy-goo eating, plum wine drinkin’, bird phobic that gags a lot and has the flirtation skills of a third grader. I had hoped that I was cooler but as it turns out, not so much….dag-nab-it.

As the final part of this award deal I am to now bestow the award onto three other bloggers that I think have style. Okay so here’s the thing, I know my wine blogger people aren’t going to play along and my girlie blog friends have already gotten a few of these, (yeah, I’m the Susan Lucci) so I’m going to cheat and direct you to my blogroll. If you see a blog listed there it’s because I truly enjoy reading them and think they have style. Say what you will about bloggers, and much of what is said is true but the people on my right over there, they are a bunch of talented people and I find them truly interesting to read.

Thank you for my award Sara, I shall try and figure out how to get it up there with my Squirrel Award. Stylish and Sensual, damn….I love me the Internets!

Joe,Then you and I, we are perfect playmates seeing as I cannot imagine either of us going all Mouth Maverick on each other and even if we did the other would be all, "What the hell? Shut up you're drunk".

Sara,Ohhhh now I know how to snag you, no cherry Chapstick, cheesy goo lips is how to get my kisses from you. Thanks for this fun little break girlie...

Samantha the thing I love most about your blog (besides the wine knowledge and the "palate") is how you are always bending the genre... and in this case bending the gender too! I love it... and love your blog... great stuff always... :-) congrats on the props... you deserve 'em lady...