Late

Hey everyone, great to be back and bowling this week. Had a great trip to Denver, got to see Cupid Jr. who is doing great, thanks for asking. Also got to hang with Bob Sagat (which was the strain of legal weed I might have enjoyed a time or three during my time out there). By the way, we all know Bob as the dad from Full House, but he is actually a pretty dirty comedien, in this clip doling out life advice to a young Samsquampch:

On to the late matches:
Never Flush (-1) v. Winter is Here – This one will be a battle, and given Winter’s love of partying, will be one of the last to finish tonight. I’d have made the line higher but Train Conductor will be there rolling for Never Flush, so his 140 average should yield a couple points to the bad guys. But at least now I now why his scores sometimes suffer…take it easy TC! Kids, please don’t try this at home.

The Dude re-branded himself as Hodor this season, and I gotta say me likey the name change. Too bad it didn’t move the needle on his average. Spoiler Alert for those who haven’t watched Game of Thrones: Hodor was a tragic hero in GOT, but we would be remiss if we didn’t mention that the person he gives his life for is also the same one who turned him into Hodor in the first place…fuckin’ 3 eyed raven….what a dick! Did he not read the rules of Bopo?

Too Koops also re-branded herself, and hers may be the best of them all. She gets loose and then gets spares, so her name change to High Spare-O is fantastic. Like her GOT namesake, she is also a fan of self mutilation as evidenced by her tats…what a stud. I dig the butterfly on her calf way more than the crazy forehead shit from the show, though.
Drunken Noodle (-5) v. Bayside Hellraisers – Drunken Noodle has turned into one of the powerhouses in Draft League, and are sporting a damn fine 699 team average. Which basically means that Ten Pin Haz Bin has been bowling a lot, 13 games to be exact with a 200+ average, and Peanut Gutter not at all. The Hellraisers have been paced by G-Force (what a surprise!), but it’s the mediocre rolling of Mr. Stiffy that has really let them down. You’d think the guy would figure it out by now, but I guess he’s not a quick learner…newsflash, Stiffy, 14 games is enough to know how to attack this pattern. Here is Stiffy meeting his lady for the first time…what a smooth talker!

Hakeem Bowlajuan has been busy with his new endeavor (Yes! Brewing in Westbrook, check them out some time! Think of it as beer by bowlers for bowlers), so his average is suffering a bit, and he has 100 clams on the line with certain acorn for season average. Here they are tapping their first keg for employees:

Then they did it for the media, wasn’t much better:

Get to work on that average Hakeem! You’ll still lose the match, but you can gain ground with a big night!
Cakeballs v. Liquid Talent (-3) – Strike Tyson is the ultimate glue guy, and his Lucky Catch cruises were even featured this week on CNN! The smooth lefty swing of Tyson has yielded a couple of 200 games, but he’ll need 2 more to give his team a chance. Liquid Talent has newbie stud Couch on their team, and he seems to have gotten into the BoPo vibe. He even told me it’d be fine to tell a couch story in the lines…which brings me to his teammate McStriker. The Babes of Bayside did a podcast takeover a couple years ago, and they went long as hell, ultimately arriving at #slurcity for the final 45 minutes of the show. When Nuber and I helped clean up the room where they recorded, we ultimately left McStriker there, passed out on a couch, and left her a trash can near her head in case she needed to barf…looked sort of like this:

Be careful, Couch…if you see the train headed towards Slur City, might want to wrap yourself in plastic. By the way, this is the best clip featuring Couch on the internet:

Brandy’s Savages v. Too Much Too Fast (-1) – An admittedly homer pick, to select Too Much Too Fast over my pre-season selection as Draft League champs. Hey, I love my team! The lines have not given Buckeye Booth a lot of dap and I am here to fix that. The guy is a total spark plug, fires up his team, and now that he has cleared the fog of having a child, the guys is rolling very well. Great timing, as Diesel is now entering that fog of new parenthood, and some day it will result in some bad games. But not this week, right Danny? Here is Diesel at work, getting ready for his match:

I am sad not to say some disparaging comments about E-Minor and nice things about Brandy as we continue to highlight bowlers who you haven’t heard a ton about in the lines thus far. So here goes: As we approach Halloween, I thought of dressing as Gutterslut this year, but skinny jeans and Cupid don’t mix.

So then I thought I could maybe be T$, but he’s a far better bowler than me. So I figure this year I’ll go as an aging hippy. Here is the scene in the parking lot as Brandy’s Savages arrive and can’t find a spot:

Hexy’s Hooligans v. That’s My Son (-1) The newest member of TDYOB, Jonny Side Salad, has been a great pick for Thunder’s squad this season. The guys rolling well, and he’s trying to become a pilot so adds a (relative) dose of sobriety to the squad. (That comment applies to both TDYOB and That’s My Son.)
When asked why he wants to be a pilot, Jonny will tell ya…Top Gun! He said he’s also a great volleyball player…

You know that doesn’t happen, right? Geez…
Hexy’s Hooligans have a great 1-2 punch in Precious and Crackerjackoff, but they’ll need some scores from the likes of 8-bit to be successful. This dude is pretty all in on Bayside and BoPo, but to be honest that’s all I know about the guy. So instead of doing any real research I found the following clip, which is more than a little accurate:

I saw this song is available for Band Camp. I don’t know what band camp is, but count me out. Expect Thunder to yell loudly, 8 bit to try to yell louder, and then Side Salad to top them all in a close win for That’s My Son.
Rufio and the Sauced Boyz (-9) v. Shot Clock Violation – Fuckin give these guys the trophy already. This team is averaging a 754, and last week set some sort of record with a 941. I mean, If we take the lifetime highs of the top 4 on my team, we barely beat them….and they did that in a random league night game?! Yikes…. General Tso and Paulie Ringwold have been killing it for Rufio. They’d be a great 1-2, but on this team they are a 2-3 punch. That dude Rev Lord, with his 230+ average, seems to know his way around the lanes, so this team is poised to crush each and every week. How did they get so strong at bowling? Simple….Fight Milk!

This week it will be Tilt A Whirl and company who get beaten badly by our future champions. I’ve always had Tilt (or is her nickname Whirl?) on my shortlist for draft league…she’s a great bowler, but more importantly she is fun as hell. Alas, she always gets drafted early before I have the chance to draft her. Oh well, there’s always 2018…

5 Responses to "Late"

Of course Cupid would pick his boy Oakie in the lines. Johnny “Toss My” Side Salad may be rolling hot right now, but not good enough to carry Thunders Blunders part 5 over the mighty Hooligans. We’re gonna put Thunder and his collection of Wal Mart brand sodas back on the shelf.

So….I’ve received a request to get Louder/Rowdier on Winter is Here. I wasn’t sure that was possible. But apparently tonight is the night to bring it.

I already owe a round of drinks to Never Flush (see previously made bad bets against Sparkles earlier this season), so that round of shots will be starting off the night. This will be followed in rapid succession. I hear Sparkles’ liver needs a work-out.

Train Conductor…You may have to do more work than you know tonight. The snow is flying people. Winter is here.