Dave: Well, I just pray they're a bit more understanding about us, that's all. Horse: You what? Dave: Well, they're going to be looking at us like that, aren't they, Eh? I mean, what if next Friday 400 women turn 'round and say "He's too fat, he's too old and he's a pigeon-chested little tosser."? What happens then, eh? Horse: They wouldn't say that, would they? Dave: Why not? He's just said her tits are too big. Lomper: That's different. We're... blokes. Dave: Yeah, and? Gerald: I think she's got nice tits, actually. Lomper: I never said owt about her personality, like. I mean, she's probably quite nice if you get to know her. Dave: No. And they won't say nowt about your personality neither. Which is good 'cause you're basically a bastard. Bollocks to your personality - this is what they're looking at, right? And I'll tell you summat, mate. Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is none.

Dole Clerk: Have you been actively looking for work in the last fortnight? Horse: Yes Dole Clerk: Have you done any work, paid or unpaid in the last fortnight? Horse: No Dole Clerk: That's not what I've heard