07 March 2011

I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't write yesterday because I follow rules about new relationships to the letter. Rules prescribed to me by society, so I know that they're infallible.

If I write too much too soon, then I appear over eager. God forbid you know how excited I actually am. No, it's better for our relationship if I feign nonchalance and (hopefully) make you feel as insecure as I do about what's unfolding before us.

No. I can't be completely, unironically enthusiastic. I can't just put everything I have out there, because that means I will have to be vulnerable. No. I must be a fortress of impenetrable rocks and issues that protect my ideas. If you think you deserve to know everything right away, you're wrong. I need to withhold until you earn the right. Being truthful and open right off the bat is crazy. Enigmatic deception is the best policy.

We need to play games with each other to the point where neither of us know exactly where we stand, yet cannot ask each other flat out because we're already past that point in our relationship (?). No, we speak to each other in allusions and entendres until we think we've cornered the other. What's important here is power, not honesty.

So, here I am. I waited a day, and now the ball is in your court. I can't be the one to do something twice in a row. Your move.