The biggest mistake of my life was thinking that my wife could take our child out of the home and out of State without my permission and there was NOTHING I could do to stop her. If you call the police after a parental abduction, they will simply turn you away and say that unless custody is decided that either parent can take the child out of the home and encourage you to call a lawyer. This happened to me.

Most of the time, the woman separates from her husband before she files for a divorce. She will take the children with her, or tries to force the husband out of his home during the divorce process. According to Deut. 24:1 the man keeps the home, children, and everything in it when he initiates the divorce. The woman returns back to her father’s home. It was unlawful, according to the Law of Moses for a woman to initiate the divorce.

The biggest mistake of my life was thinking that it would go better for me not to take back my child by force. Unless custody is decided by a court system, either spouse can take their child or “take back” their child. So many times us men believe that if we take back our child or out of school that we will get arrested. As long as there are no custody papers, this WILL NOT happen. Or, at least, it should not happen in theory.

During a separation, the police or the school will ask where the child sleeps at night. Tell them they live with you at your house (which is the truth). Do not tell them your child was abducted by the wife. The police or the school system always presumes that where the child sleeps at night is the defining custody point to any argument before an order is issued. Just because the wife has contacted the police or the DA’s office informing them of an emotionally abusive situation (which is usually not the case) you still have every legal right to take back your children.

Remember, without court papers the children are yours. Even with court papers, the children are yours but they will not have a legal reason for keeping your children from you. If the police arrive they will do everything in their power, influence, and authority to prevent you from taking your own children. This is illegal, but the police WILL NOT allow your children to go home with you simply because they were taken from your home. They will say that they will write it down in their report and encourage you to bring this up with the judge in court. They will try and convince you that the judge will look favorably at your compliance and negotiation. This is actually a lie. The judge will look at this as a neutral factor and still give credence to the Status Quo.

The School or Day Care has no legal right to withhold your children from you without an order from the judge. The school will call the police and tell you that if you take the child they will report it as a kidnapping, even if you can prove this child is yours. The police will order you to leave and tell you that you can be arrested for “trespassing”. This is true, but there is nothing preventing you from physically picking up your child and stepping out of the classroom before they get there. The school will usually tell you that whoever checked the child in MUST be the person to check the child out. This is legally inaccurate and false. This is usually just a school policy with parents that are separated. The teachers or day school providers are not lying, they are just doing what they have been taught in situations like this.

If you call the police and inform them of what you are planning to do they can not give you permission and you may not get arrested but know you are confessing that you are the non-custodial parent. To them, you are now the kidnapper. They will do everything to legally “discourage” you from doing anything like this, however, this is just a bully technique to keep the peace and status quo. The parent that took the child out of the home always has precedence in regards to the children.

Unfortunately, possession is nine-tenths of the law. This is the same for children. By the time of the final trial, if the child has had more than a year at any school, home, relative’s home or any social function the court will deem that it is in the best interest of the child to continue there. This is called the Status Quo factor. Since divorce is a “unilateral no-fault divorce” system that means that the court does not look at the situation causing the divorce, or if a spouse took the children out of the home for selfish reasons. They simply look at where the children are currently living and if they are safe. Unless you can prove your wife unfit, chances are you are not ever going to get your children back in court.

This may turn into a cat and mouse game but know being passive when your child is abducted is never the right course of action to take. Once the child is returned back to their home of record the police cannot take them away from you without an order or probable cause. By doing everything in your means to have your children in your possession is the best thing you can do for your children. Take advantage of your legal and constitutional rights. Waiting around for court is usually the WORST thing you could ever do! I am not a lawyer, but I can tell you that in my experience the one who as the kid, in the end, wins.

STOP the “unilateral no-fault divorce” stature! A parent that abducts their child simply to escape an unwanted marriage should be held accountable for their actions. This system is not working and it is promoting child abduction while giving favor to the offending parent. Let there be consequences for at-fault divorce and illegal child abductions! The “at-fault” divorce punishes the parent who takes the child out of the home unnecessarily just as much as it punishes the spouse for abuse or neglect. The at-fault divorce evens the playing field and does what is truly in the best interest of the child.