You bring me disks of food when I am to lazy to cook, or to drive. You adorn my sticks with cheese and give me sauce to dip them in. For I have been working hard and only wish to watch Jon Stewart in peace, whilst life giving sustenance is brought to me, to revive me from the stupor of my day.

Thank you … for not knocking before you open my door. I had been awaiting you with eager anticipation, and I can see that you feel the same way. For I might not have been aware of the hour of your arrival, and you wanted to be sure I heard you. I’m sure you never intended to enter my home uninvited. My screened in porch does certainly look like a place that is really for all to enjoy, festooned with carpets and wicker chairs, with glass tables to set one’s drinks upon. Good instincts in checking if my door was unlocked and walking in quietly. I’m sure you spent many years acquiring them in your … previous occupation.

Thank you … for letting my cat outside when you opened my door. My cat has an explorer’s heart, and jumps at the first opportunity of freedom. I had hoped you would notice her, she lounges in a chair right next to our door. I enjoy trying to reach for her in the bushes or chase her around the yard, while the sustenance you have brought me grows cold. It is an opportunity for exercise and the exercise of cunning, and I really appreciate that at dinner.

I am distressed to learn that you are angry. Perhaps you felt I was unfair when I didn’t feel this was a tipping situation. I hope this note expresses to you my true feelings, and the gratitude I have for your efforts. Treasure it as you would have treasured the two dollars I would have given you, because their time has passed and is unlikely to come again in the future.