Hello, hello all ! I have been in the hospital for the past 5 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ate a huge meal last Tuesday night and then came home, gave the girls a bath, and we all went to bed. I never fell asleep! I was up all night with what I thought was intigestion. I had a horrible stabing pain located in the upper GI area, I took some anacids, stuck my finger down my throat to throw up, took a warm bath, and drank a sprite-- nothing helped so at 3 am- I woke up the kids and told them we were going to the emergency room I barely made it to my car I could hardly walk because of the pain. I drove myself to the ER and they did a blood test on me and said I had a real bad infection. I told them I was an addict right of the bat. I wanted something for the PAIN soooooo bad! I was crying and crying. They ran a bunch of tests on me and lastly a cat scan which shows my apendix was getting ready to rupture! They gave me a shot of stadol which helped somewhat-- my sister came and picked up my kids at 5:30 and they rushed me to another hospital.

When I got there they asked me if I was allergic to any drugs and I said yes, All Narcotics.
I was not going to be dishonest and have them give me something that would be bad for me.. ( what was I thinking? ) They said they wouldnt give me anything I could buy on the street and They wouldnt tell me the name so that way I wouldnt think about it... when I woke up from surgery 3 hours later, they said it was very infected and thank God I got there when I did. The gave me morphine for the rest of the days and sent me home with darvocet (I never had any desire to take darvocet ever!) So.. here I am, with a bottle of 30 Darvocet, and took one last night in the middle of the night because where he cut on my abdomen and tummy was hurting really bad.

What do yall think I should do? Flush the Darvocet and just keep a few in case I hurt bad, keep the entire bottle and flush em in a few days?

God if Im asking these questions.. I must not be too sure of myself... but thats just it. I am doing everything Im sopossed to be doing but my body is going to say "hey, nice drugs......want more! must get more drugs!"

WHAT DO I DO!

I CANT BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED!

LOve Sara

__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

Oh Sara, I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through.
First thing you need to do is NOT panic. Lot's of people in recovery face the same dilema you find yourself facing right now. Yes, there are some folks who might try and tough out post surgical pain, (which I think is insane) but there are just as many recovering people that would say it is important to do just what the doctor orderd right now. You have been through SURGERY girl, this is not pain you are making up to get pain meds. There is no need to be a martyr here. If you have a sponsor you will need to work closely with her and don't forget to ask your higher power for guidance! When I had my first surgical procedure and needed to take pain medication for a few days, I worked very closely with my sponsor who at the time was sober 33 years! She taught me some very basic guidelines that helped me maintain my sobriety through it, but I know it was a power greater than myself and my willingness to be honest about my pain level that allowed me to stop taking the pills when the pain was gone. That was my miracle Sara. That was NOT me!
Here are some things that she suggested and that continues to help me today:
- There is a difference between proper use and abuse, there might be a time in everyone's "sobriety" when they face a surgery. It is possible to do, I am living proof.
- Don't keep it a secret! That is drug addict behavior. Share about it, ideally with your sponsor.
- Write down every pill you take ... time and amount, this will help you keep track and avoid taking more before the next dose is due.
- Take EXACTLY as prescribed, not 2 if it says 1, not more frequently, etc. This is essential!
- If the RX is written prn (as needed for pain), evaluate your pain level on a scale of 1-10, if you're not sure, call your sponsor immediately or someone in the program or wait 15-30 minutes, but try to stay on top of the pain. It's easier to maintain pain relief than have to start from scratch.
-Getting rest and not witthering in pain is important when you are healing, so please don't try and be a martyr. REST, rest, rest.
-PRAY and stay VERY close to your HP and people in the program.
Sara, I'll be up for awhile and will check back to see if you have any questions. I know there is a reason why I have been through my many surguries, and have come out of them without relapse. I'd be happy to help.
Don't throw out your medication until you know you are safely out of pain. And please, try not to panic.
Sending care,
Ellen

She Sparkles, Thank you for the quick response, sorry for waking you up out of your sleep. I do that to others in the program
We have a special bond.

Ok, Ive made phone calls and Ive been told I will go through a rough period of about a week because of this apendectomy and then about a week of withdrawl symtoms or my body saying, hey, where's the morphine?

I can feel my heart beating much faster than usual-- the same heartbeat that is all too familiar.. and the large pupils. I dont like this. I need to stay connected and get to a meeting somehow tomorrow. I think I will do what Ellen said and keep the meds until I feel better, and talk to my sponsor a few times a day.

I was so focused before this. I still am.. but just feel kinda out of control and dizzy from all the meds they gave me. Im going to listen to what you guys have to say.. and people who have been in my situation before. I will stay close. Im sorry I havent written.. I was thinking of you all!

El, and Sprinke- thank you for the fast feed back. I will keep checking back. Love you guys so much its so sweet you prayed for me. Thanks!

Sara

__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

Sara,
This is so strange, something felt as though it was pulling me towards the board also................and I am soooo glad that it did. My own personal opinion goes along with Ellnyc as well as sheSparkles. I sort of skimmed over theirs so if I missed some I'm sorry. Don't flush them just yet, wait and see if there is a need for them. I don't know about you but Darvocet just didn't do for me what the hydros did so maybe they aren't as dangerous for you.
Lord I'm not making a lot of sense here but I am trying..........I think that you'll know when its time to get them out of sight and out of mind........as I told you before I feel that you are rock solid in your recovery, and I think you'll know when it's time , just don't put yourself in a position that will cause you unnecessary pain.
Love you and will check on you tomorrow
Marilyn

Sara - And here I thought you were just taking a couple of rest days from the board!!!!

I am so happy and relieved that they caught your raging appendix in time! That really is a miracle. Pain does tell us when our bodies have got a problem!! It's just that we addicts got that all mixed up, for awhile! :-)

I very much agree with Ellen's terrific information and suggestions. Your body has had a real shock and trauma from this invasive surgery. You will recover better and faster if you are not in agony. And your sponsors will support you.

It's 6 am here---I never get on the Board this early--but something compelled me to check the Dallas Alice thread--and there you were! So, listen, just you take care of yourself and remember that your body will "talk to you" when the pain is great enough to need some help.

Curl up with your loved ones, pile up lots of stuff you've been meaning to read, and drink lots of one of those relaxation "speepytime" teas!

HEY SARA!!!!!!!!!! I hope you are o.k......you must have been really scared.
About the darvocets......some are gonna tell ya to flush em, that it will awaken the monster.....but i am going the other way...take them as directed. If you can, have someone dole them out to you, but you already said that darvocets do nothing for you, and i agree. you just had surgery, your stomach was CUT, you need something a little stronger than advil or tylenol i would say!!!!
I would keep up with the meetings though. Isolating with a bottle of darvocets is no good. I am sure you need some time to heal though. What did the doctor say about moving, driving, etc.???? I wouldn't do a whole lot right now, just let your body heal. Post here, read some recovery books, to keep if fresh in your mind.
I am sending Get Well {{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}!!!!!
Let me know how you are doing....who has your kiddies? Your sister???
You are doing really well, Sara, this is one of those "instances" all of us in recovery DREAD!!!! You made it thru it. Take at easy, you are also probably coming off of the morphine, plus the surgery you had, you need to REST!!
Lots of love,
LISA

Ggrl,
I just need to get up and go! If I share in the meeting about my fear of relapsing... Im sure at least 5 people in the meeting will have been there and can help.
Should I go? Should I not go. If I don't go ?
Sara

Hi Sara~ If you can physically make it ~ GO! Living in your own head (especially now) is like living in a bad neighborhood! I know you will feel SO much more focused and less confused.
Remember meetings are our medicine.
SOOOOOOO very good to have you back Goddessgirl!!!!! Will write more soon~
El

Ok, your right, Im in my head right now, (it's a bad neighborhood with bad neighbors LOL) you are ALL right, Im going to a meeting, driving strait back and resting. I FEEL that morphine and stadol and darvo's in my system, I feel like eatting salad and drinking tons of water!

Lis, thanks for the hugs! My 3 year old is with me. But she has been very good! And such a blessing to have around! I thought about you yesterday when she got on the computer and was using the touch pad in the middle of by notebook and draging shapes and dropping them in the place they should go on a Disney game I installed for her! I remember you telling me about your little boy being on the computer.

I am, so weird right now! I just feel all out of sorts.
Im going to the meeting at 3:15. I will write yall when I return.

Thanks for the nudge. -Sara

__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

Sara-
im so sorry to hear-about your appendix-and having to get on the pain meds(thats what they are for!!!)..but i totally understand.
This is NOT a relapse..or anything to beat yourself up about-but i understand putting it in your body-conjours up all those feelings-luckily-they gave you darvocet-which honestly-is THE worst painrelief..ever.
Advil liqua-gels would be better pain meds.
The morphine was used in surgery..but not at home..It should be out of you system w/in 3 days..Just keep doing what you have been doing-go to meetings-post..vent..keep it upfront.You will come thru this-you inspiring woman-you!!!!!I missed you sooo much-being away-w/ no computer-was torture.
I apologise if i made anyone worry-i always get concerned if someone doesn't check in-for a long period.
Meanwhile-you were in the hospital.
God bless you-sweet girl.
I know you are gonna come thru this like a trooper!
kisses((((((((HUGS))))))))
ggrl

Sara, So sorry you're appendix chose now to get angry..........but I know you will do fine in your recuperation and your fear of the meds. As I told you before, you are rock solid in your recovery.........and I've got all the faith in the world in you. Catch up with you tomorrow.
Hugs and Kisses
Marilyn

Too Many,
I WAS recooping last Saturday. But. THIS Saturday I was in the woman's meeting on Saturday morning. You would have known me because I shared about the surgery. Someday... we will cross paths!

Hey! How are you doing? You always check on everyone else, but how is Patty? Please let me know, you seem to be doing fine but hey..I wanted to see how you are inside? Im feeling angry and Im sure its because my body wants the Morphine back, and the Darvocet, and Stadol. My body is hurting and I am riding it out! I have only been to two meetings since the surgery.

Anyway, Im sorry everyone for writing on Dallas's thread. I will start another one later... in the meantime...

D A L L A S, W E L O V E Y O U ! ! ! ! ! !

W E N E E D Y O U ! ! ! !

S T A Y W I T H U S , H A N G ON,

We will ALWAYS be here for you!

Lovin you NO MATTER WHAT,

Sara

__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

I'm doing OK. Had a weird Saturday. I Just didn't feel like getting out to my favorite morning meeting and then because I didn't go I felt sort of crappy about that all day.

I graduate tomorrow from the outpatient treatment program I have been in since late October. A little nervous about speaking in front of that group, they say a bunch of nice things about you and give you a chip. There are a bunch of new people that I don't know and I want to encourage them to stick it out and give it their all. Speaking in meetings/groups still terrifies me. I'll be OK though. I have to say the terror is better than it was when I first got clean.

Saturday night my phone rang at 11PM, it was my 21 year old son who lives at a halfway house. He went to treatment in October for 10 weeks. Anyway he called to tell me that he had drank and took some Xanax and was at the ER!. So, I picked him up and gave him a ride back to the halfway house. I figured they would kick him out and they did the next morning. So, went back and picked him up handed him the intergroup directory and told him to call another halfway house, he did and I dropped him off there. He stayed there a few weeks after he got out of treatment before he found out the state would fund the other one and his meds. He has no idea where his vehicle is. He told me he was at one place but the nurse told me the ambulance people told her he was picked up somewhere else. He was either at a large game complex or the Galleria, somehow was in the security office who called the police. The police took his friend who I think had a pocked full of pills and told security to call an ambulance for my son. We drove around one both places looking for his car before I dropped him off. I know a halfway house is better for him particularly now. He knows it too, he didn't even ask to come home.

I have been worried about my son for while now. I was worried that he might go out yet another time. He took Xanax Friday but did not drink, then Saturday he did both. I'm glad he went down so fast. If this is what it takes for him to accept his addiciton/acloholism then this was a good thing. He felt so bad yesterday, he really liked where he was living, it was a step above your average halfway house, they actually had a program. I have to take him a pillow, apparently the halfway house is full and they ran out of pillows.

So yesterday I felt strangely relieved. I so dread those phone calls late at night.

I need to get ready this morning for work. What happen to the interview you had a couple of weeks ago? Did you get to go or is that when you had the appendix attack?

Hi Patty--
I am soooooo happy for you for graduating. I can relate in being an addict AND a parent. My 3 year old is showing signs of having the "spiritual malody" that I had growing up. It's hard enough taking care of yourself, and now you are worrying about your son as well. I read your post and it sounds like you are doing the right thing. Showing your LOVE and your caring is the best thing you can do for him right now. If to do too much... how will they learn how to deal? I say that but you dont know how many times Ive done the opposite thing all at the sake of taking the easy way out-- which is only a quick fix- but hurts my kids in the long run! My heart feels your pain, and frustration. Patty you CAN stand in front of a crowd and speak because look how hard you have worked for this and look how much you love your son-- dont you think the 'new commers' will learn something from your strengh?

Im so tired. I woke up this morning with no where to go,,, no job and Im still tired. Those darvocets got me going with lots of energy and now that Im not taking them anymore... I find it difficult to lift my legs when I walk Im so tired! I have a million things to do around the house and not doing anything. Its insane. But-- at least I did not relapse and am going to a meeting today and Ive gathered some of my old clothes to take to Santa Maria Rehab. Its a state funded rehab where most women are there w/ kids !!!!!! So... I want to do something to get my mind off myself and walk in that place and realize I could easily be there right now. Its on a street Ive never heard of so I have to Map Quest it.

Hey.... Im going to the 3:15 at Post Oak today, and I know there are Alanon meetings I want to go to on Wed. If you are up to it-- please go. Ive never been and Ive heard they are great for people like me- CO DEPENDANTS.

Im also going to a SLAA meeting for the first time. My counselor wants me to go because I always choose relationships that are not good for me. Im famous for that! Give me a bad man and Im all over it!

Ive decided to not take the job. They did not offer me the job I wanted at the hospital, they offered me a sales job where I would be making 8 appt a week such as lunches and one on one sales calls. Being this new in sobrieity I don't think it's such a good idea. I can see relapse all over that!

So. Im gonna keep looking for a job. Right now.. Im just focusing on AA and sobriety. Its what I need right now.

Ok, Patty-- you are a kind soul with a lot of love... you CAN go anything you set your mind to, including speaking in front of other people, and being able to put your mind at ease in the middle of the night and know God will take care of your son when he's not with you.

By the way-- did you call the hotline to find out where your son's car could be? I live in the Galleria area- what area did he leave it in?

Love Always,

Sara

__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara