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TD Runs Up Drink Tab For €1,200 In Dáil Bar

Inside the Dáil Bar

According to last weekend’s Sunday Times, in the Dáil bar, one TD has run up a bill of €1,200 over the summer, despite the Dáil only sitting for just eight days. The Dáil’s Bar tab, in total, reached over €31,000 up to the end of last August.

We can now confirm we saw yesterday, one Irish Cabinet Minister quickly attempting to exit through the side gates of Dáil Éireann, being chased by a man waving a drinks bill, before being accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless person, who asked him for a “couple of Euro to get food”.

Dodging out of site, behind the front entrance security building, the Minister routed in his trousers pocket, before extracting a two Euro coin. Holding it up between finger and thumb he asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whisky?”“No, sure I stopped drinking years ago, Sir,” said the unfortunate dishevelled individual.

“Will you use it to gamble?” asked the Minister.“I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to keep body and soul together, Sir”, said the starving man.

“Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?” questioned the Cabinet Minister.“Are you totally mad, Sir? I haven’t played golf in 20 years“, said the now confused man, wishing he had never asked for help in the first place.

“Come quickly” said the Cabinet Minister, “I’m not going to give you two Euro. Instead, I’m going to take you to my Dublin residence for a terrific dinner, cooked by my adoring wife’s fair hands.”
The starving, homeless man was astounded. “Sir won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? Sure I’m dirty, and I probably smell like shit.”“Hey, not to worry”, said the Minister, “I want my wife to see what a man looks like who, in just a couple of short years, has given up drinking, gambling, and golf”