The Dutch Oven: Taste Our Baseball Artistry in Mole Sauce

Why the dutch oven? Because the term 'hot stove' needs to be retired. This feature will attempt to give you a listicle-driven source for all sorts of off-season baseball rumors. If you have any suggestions, rumors, or recipes that I can cook in my dutch oven, email us

Michael Young Wants to Pick Up His Ill-Begotten Gold Glove and Play Elsewhere: The Texas Rangers asked veteran shortstop Michael Young to move to third base and make room at short for up-and-coming superstar Elvis Andrus. In response, Michael Young threw a shit-fit and demanded a trade. Young actually started his Rangers career as a second baseman but moved to short after Texas lost Alex Rodriguez in 2004. At this rate, Young will be asked to be moved to peanut vendor in 2012.

Rays Replace Rocco with Recent Red Sox Righty Rightfielder: Noteworthy Jew Gabe Kapler is the latest free agent to hop aboard the Rays bandwagon, inking a one-year, one MILLION dollar deal to get into the outfield mix for the defending AL champions. The Rays now carry B.J. Upton, Carl Crawford, Matt Joyce, Kapler, and Fernando Perez as outfielders; expect Columbia grad and New Jersey native Perez to start out the year in the minors. Thanks for nuttin, Andy Friedman!

Yes, But Can He Do the Hully-Gully?: The completely-made-up-sounding American Sportscasters Association has selected Dodgers Hall of Fame broadcaster Vin Scully as the Top Sportscaster of All-Time. No, not Sportscaster of the Year, or the Decade, or the Century. Of ALL-TIME. Eat dirt, Cosell. Suck on it, Red Barber. Tough nuts, Jim McKay. In response, Dick Enberg exclaimed, "Oh, my!"