Why does the weird shit always happen to me? Jamie couldn't help but think, watching as the kid in a red and white costume picked himself up off the polished floor of the foyer, where he'd fallen when he'd come sailing through the glowing green portal that had appeared and disappeared moments before. Why didn't stuff like this happen whenever the Professor was in residence? Why did stuff like the washing machine exploding, sending suds all over the basement level, or a fuse blowing, causing all the lights in the mansion to go out, or people popping through portals, happen when Jamie was the only around to do anything about it?

Responsibility wouldn't suck so much if Jamie didn't always get stuck with the grunt work. It was almost enough to make him regret that his sixteenth birthday was only five weeks away.

"Whoa," the kid said, then zipped around the room too fast to see. Great, Jamie thought with a snort. A speedster. The power was very useful, but the speed caused most speed-mutants to be scatterbrained beyond belief. "Whoa," the kid repeated, then turned to him. "Hi, I'm B– Impulse. Am I in another universe?" He grinned, as if the idea was cool, and not at all worrying.

Scatterbrained, check.

"I guess so," Jamie said, blinking bemusedly at Impulse. He reminded Jamie of a bug, with the giant boots and the really big goggles and the hair that almost loomed larger than life. He bet the name fit, too. "I'm Jamie."

"Nice to meet you. I suppose since I'm in another universe, I can tell you my real name's Bart," Impulse said, and patted him on the shoulder. Unfortunately, it was just hard enough for Jamie's power to kick in.

Jamie-Two picked himself up off the floor and exchanged a sheepish look with the original Jamie.

"Whoa, cool!" Bart enthused, looking back and forth between the two Jamies at superspeed. The original Jamie could tell because he couldn't see the kid's face. Jamie-Two probably couldn't, either, but Jamie wouldn't know that for sure until he absorbed his dupe.

Which he was just about to when Impulse said, "I didn't know anyone else could do that!" catching Jamie's attention.

"Who can?" Jamie asked, and winced at the opening he'd left for Impulse. He so did not want to get involved in a speed-mutant rendition of Who's On First.

"I can!" Impulse proclaimed with a grin almost bigger than his head. He vibrated in place for a moment, ruining the shine that Jubilee had spent an hour waxing into the floor yesterday afternoon as one of Mr. Logan's diabolic punishments for skipping school, and once he stopped, lo and behold, he'd created a dupe of himself.

Not like Jamie's dupes; Impulse's clone was gold all over, and glowing; clearly not a carbon-copy. With two of the kid around, Jamie couldn't help but notice that it was extremely obvious Bart was a runner, since he had really great legs.

"Um…you wanna see my room?" Jamie the original asked, and while not the smoothest segue in the history of the world, Impulse didn't seem to notice or care. Less than a minute later, the Jamies practically running at the silent urging of the impatient speedsters, they were in his room.

Jamie cringed as he realize that his Northstar poster was rather blatantly positioned over his bed, then sighed in mental relief as he realized that Bart wouldn't know about him, being from another universe and all. Bart did seem to find the idea of another speedster intriguing, however. "Who's he?" he asked, staring the poster for a full four seconds.

"Northstar. Uh, he's a rather famous speedster," Jamie said, opting to leave out the whole 'gay mutant superhero' thing. Bart didn't need to know all that.

Except, apparently, Bart was still curious, and in a few seconds Bart had found and read Jamie's copy of Northstar's book – that is, if the rustling sound going on over by his bookshelf was any indication. Bart had read the book and put it back so fast that Jamie wouldn't have noticed it had he not been looking for it – dreading it, more accurately.

Bart didn't look upset, however; he looked…devious.

Jamie gulped. Somehow, he knew, a guy with the nickname of Impulse being devious was not a good thing. His double seemed to agree, edging away from Bart's clone.

"Hey, Jamie?" Bart asked, before giving him a not-very-innocent-at-all smile. "Do ya think it counts as an orgy if there are only technically two people involved?"

Jamie's brows rose, and he tried vainly to think of an excuse to leave. Then Bart started kissing him, and he started trying vainly to think, period. When Bart paused for a split-second to remove both their clothes, and Jamie saw the same thing happening with his dupe and Bart's, Jamie did have time for one last thought.

For once, him being the only witness to the weirdness was working out great.

THE END

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