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Author
Topic: Would Just Really Like Some Friends.. (Read 5689 times)

Hi everyone. I live in the Kansas City area and I was diagnosed Nov. 10th of this year. I am basically on here to try and meet some new people and possibly make a few friends. I really don't have anyone to talk to about HIV, but I wish I could meet some people who know what its like to be in my shoes. As of right now my status is hidden to my entire family (and I plan on keeping it that way for awhile). A few of my friends know.. but none of them seem too interested in talking about it. And at some points I have to admit I feel alone going through this.

For a little about me.. I'm a male.. 27 years old. I just saw my Dr for the first time on Thursday and will have all my lab results in a few weeks. I'm very afraid of starting meds.. but I think that's how everyone is right? I'm also a gay male (but still in the closet for the most part.. pathetic I know). I've completely changed my lifestyle since I was diagnosed. I take supplements, I eat better, I drink water, I exercise everyday. I'm trying to do everything I know I should be doing. The one thing I wish I had was support. Hiding my sexuality was bad enough.. but this on top of it is even worse. I'm not stuck in the depression stage or anything though. I haven't missed any work.. I still smile everyday. And I'm thankful I did the right thing and got tested before it was too late.. or before I pass the virus to anyone. I'm just a normal guy who just wants some people to talk to. So please, feel free to give me a hello

Hello Gambit, sorry about your diagnosis, but welcome aboard. It is good that you have found us; you will be able to seek support, information (quite needed at the beginning of this condition), and good advice from many great people. Perhaps you will make some good friends (or at least online HIV mates) in the process.

It is good that you are making the necessary adjustments to this change in your life. Taking good care of your health in all respects will help you stay strong and well.

Your friends may appear "not interested," but a possible reality is that they may not want to discuss the subject out of fear of causing you stress or unnecessary sadness. Furthermore, if they are not positive they are perhaps not too knowledgeable about the topic (a good portion of the world out there remains pretty uneducated about this). In time you will decide whether you want to discuss details with them.

Again, welcome to the AM forums.

Wish you great health and strength.

m.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

As of right now my status is hidden to my entire family (and I plan on keeping it that way for awhile). A few of my friends know.. but none of them seem too interested in talking about it. And at some points I have to admit I feel alone going through this.

You can tell your family when you are good and ready, and have more news and with some calm perspective. As for some friends around you, it might be a good idea to identify a really close friend, or senstive and generous friend, and ask them to be a confident so you can have someone to talk to. At the moment they might all feel uncomfortable, but I'm guessing you can find a few who really care enough to support you - its just like any other challenge really - they would support you through other things!

For a little about me.. I'm a male.. 27 years old. I just saw my Dr for the first time on Thursday and will have all my lab results in a few weeks. I'm very afraid of starting meds.. but I think that's how everyone is right? I'm also a gay male (but still in the closet for the most part.. pathetic I know). I've completely changed my lifestyle since I was diagnosed. I take supplements, I eat better, I drink water, I exercise everyday. I'm trying to do everything I know I should be doing. The one thing I wish I had was support. Hiding my sexuality was bad enough.. but this on top of it is even worse. I'm not stuck in the depression stage or anything though. I haven't missed any work.. I still smile everyday. And I'm thankful I did the right thing and got tested before it was too late.. or before I pass the virus to anyone. I'm just a normal guy who just wants some people to talk to. So please, feel free to give me a hello

Don't worry about stuff until you see the results. And if and when its times for HAART (meds), they're usually quite bearable.

It's good that you kept up your work routine. Try not to overdo it remaking your lifestyle, you have plenty of time to change that in a relaxing way. At the end of the day, diet, supplements, exercise, its all important but if you need HAART that is what will knock your virus down to undetectable.

Welcome to the forum

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Thank you guys for the replies. I'm glad to meet both of you. I've been reading these forums a lot the past few days and they have helped me a lot. Especially with the fear I have of medication (the side effects mainly). I've always been pretty well informed on HIV.. but even one of my best friends thought she could get the virus by being exposed to a positive person's sweat.. And when I broke the news to her the day I was diagnosed.. she took it worse than I did, and later said it was strange because I don't look like I have HIV.. I laughed.. but it really isn't very funny. People still have the outlook that everyone with HIV looks like a deathly ill twig. I'm hoping to break the news to my parents eventually.. but I currently live with them and that would make things way too awkward for me. And honestly.. I feel like I've let them down. The day I was diagnosed I was fine but when I was home from work that night things really hit me and I had nobody to talk to about it. I've never been a person to talk about my personal problems with anybody but that was one time when I really needed someone to be there for me. I'm glad there's a lot of people here who know what that feeling is like. And any support I can get I welcome and I would like to help anyone else who needs it.

I'll be your friend. You can message me if ya want. I hope your labs are good. It is very possible that you may not need meds for many years. I've talked to several who didn't need meds for over 20 years. Make sure you have a good doc and not rush into meds unless necessary.

About friends-- I think we all have friends who are very self-centered. I have a friend who I could tell my arm was cut off by a train and he would tell me he had a headache. As livebythemoon said, it could be they just don't want to bring it up--thinking it will remind you of something bad..especially if you're in a good mood. My brother and his partner are the only family members who know my status. One is a doctor and the other a chiropractor. They never ask me anything about it. At first, I didn't want them to ask me anything. Now, I wonder why they don't ask. They have never asked what my numbers are or whether I'm on meds yet. I kinda think my brother is in denial about it. It is actually starting to affect my relationship with them. They are doctors and have never asked about my health. Maybe they are afraid to bring it up??

About what people look like with HIV-- I use to think I'd know who had HIV. I also thought you couldn't pass HIV until you've been infected for several years. I think the public schools should educate us better on HIV. It is often the opposite--you're most infectious right after infection. I think many think the way I thought.

I would carefully weigh who to tell. What will come of telling a certain person is the question I ask. Will they be a support system? Or, will they freak out and make me drink out of paper cups? If they aren't they type of person who will be there for ya, should ya tell them? I often think we should come out of the closet to reduce the stigma of HIV. However, I know some of us may face serious problems by doing that.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing. Again, you can send me a personal message if ya ever need to talk. I'm no expert and often deal with depression/anxiety myself, but I'll listen.

it sounds like you're ahead of the game regarding accepting the disease and taking care of yourself...those are good things. i know it's hard, but you're going to do fine. talking about the issue with others who know and, or are there themselves is proactive and will help you continue to move along with things. in addition to the forum, is there any type of support group in your area that your aso can connect you with? the inet is great, but real life interaction is also recommended. the hiv highway is a challenging road to master, but i believe it can be done with the right resources.

Gammit,I am not Positive, but my other half is. We live about 3 hours from Kansas City and have visited there quite often.I understand where you are coming from being "closeted" and all that, but look at it a differant way--if you were straight you wouldn't feel the need to discuss taht with family. Live your life the way that makes you the happiest and families will surprise you in the end and be more supportive than you think.

You will find a lot of support on here and friendships-this has been a good place for us to get support.

Next trip we make to KC, I will let you know and we can meet for dinner or a drink or something, you can never have too many friends.

Thank you for the replies guys. This forum is just too good to be true. Max, I think I am ahead of the game when it comes to accepting the disease.. I was fine after the first few days (meaning I didn't think about it non stop after that). I think the main reason why is because the entire 3 weeks I waited on my results all I thought about was how I would react to a positive result. I think I spent so much time preparing myself for the worst that it actually wasn't too hard. I did cry a lot the first night.. but I've sworn since then I will never lay around feeling sorry for myself again. I also know damn well that I have made a mistake with 2 different people in my life.. and I trusted neither.. so I knew I might have to pay the consequences for it. The longest I could have possibly been positive is for about 3 years.. but the last time I had unprotected sex (July of last year.. and with a new partner).. I got really really sick with a flu (I think) about 3 weeks later. It lasted a week. I'm thinking that's when the battle started. But I could be wrong.. Hopefully I've got some time before meds needs to be taken.

Sebastian that would be really cool. I am always up for talking to someone in person about this. I have no idea why.. but I am really afraid of going to a support group. I know there's a reason.. I just can't figure it out? lol. And Ted, thank you I will message you

Hi Gambit,I'm not HIV positive but my brother is. I'm the only one that know about it and i talk to him everyday even if we live very far away, we are really close and we are dealing HIV together. I can totally understand how much important is having someone to talk to and this forum is wonderful. Please feel free to talk to me every time you need, I'm learning a lot about HIV and I would love to be supportive and give help.about your friends, i agree that sometimes people don't know what to said or if it's better talk about it or not, so try to involve them with your thougths, feelings and your needs to talk about it, and if they still don't find a way to be close to you, then you gonna find someone you can.We are here for sure to listen and help and care about you.my brother also are having difficult to understand which people he can trust to tell about it. about the meds you don't have to worry, you still don't know if you need to take it and my brother had to start the therapy right away after he was diagnosed because his CD4 counts were too low but he's doing fine actually better, he had no side effects at all. so if or whenever you need to start the therapy no worries !!Good luck with the results and i'll be here whenever you want to talk.

that's great to hear...i admire your strength & focus. no doubt about it, hearing my diagnosis this past summer totally rocked my world. it's always a shitty hand of cards to be dealt. but like you, i've tried to pull myself together as quickly as possible and keep moving on. at times it's harder than others to look past, i but realize that given the opportunity, hiv can consume a person...for such a tiny particle, it packs alot of power. i for one refuse to give into it. that same attitude will carry you a long way.

if you need a chat friend to discuss i volunteer myself .. it sounds like we are in teh same boat in many regards ... the reactions i got from teh people i told weren't good so i have stopped telling people ... my partner is negative and he just doesn't get it so i dno't talk to him much ... so feel free to contact me ...

Sorry to hear you're having some difficulty with your friends. My two best friends have been so great through my process of testing positive and getting on meds. One of them is positive himself and is a great source of info, support, and humor. My family doesn't know about my status either and I don't think I will tell them as it would just have them worried. I am doing really well and feel great. In the beginning I thought about it constantly it seemed and now it's just a pill I take every day. You'll find that when you decide to tell someone that doesn't know your status it's as nervewracking as telling someone you are gay when you're in the process of coming out. It is a sort of coming out though, and you have all those feelings of "will they still accept me once they know?"

My advice is to seek out friendship from other HIV positive folks in your area. You may find that some of them just want to hook up since both of you are already positive. But most will be genuine and if you're like me you will learn something from each of them that will help you with your day to day life. This isn't a sprint it's a marathon and there are tons of folks waiting to cheer you on! Run your race and enjoy your life!

Gambit:I can well relate to your situation because of the process that I went through to discover my positive status. That was in 2004 and have been looking for some support as well, basically since then. I realize the stress of awaiting your first labs because you wonder if you are going to drop tomorrow or 10 years from tomorrow. I extend my hand and my friendship to you and if you wish to take it, let me know here and I will make arrangements to meet you in another forum. While this is an excellent source of support and help, there are, at least for me, some parts of my "dirty laundry" that I do not wish to hang on the line for all to see. Let me know on here and we'll take it from there. David

Yeah.. I do have difficulties with the friends who live here. But.. as I was telling my case manager today.. it seems I spend more time 'teaching' them than getting any actual support from them, lol. Which I guess isn't a bad thing.. but you know. I do want to say I'm really thankful for everybody who replied to this thread though. I've made a few e-mail buddies and am always welcoming more. You guys have made this 'journey' so much easier for me. As a newly diagnosed I feel like I have a new question or a new worry every single day, and I'm glad there's people here who are willing to listen.