A Woman’s Worth

I am with HER. What a clever little line. It puts her in charge and whoever is tagging along is there for the ride. The woman presents herself as the main act, it is HER STORY now. The glass ceiling just cracked further and there is an opening. A big one. In this article I am exploring how women are valued by society and how women value themselves. We are discussing a woman’s worth.

I am my own person. It’s a statement most of us have used in our self-talk. Nobody owns me, I make my own decisions. And yet women are behind by a lot. Shockingly the research shows that in the last year the numbers of women advancing have begun to decline again. How is this even possible in light of the constant presence of equality in the media and beyond?

Because women do not value themselves.

Sure, if I am being belittled in a discussion, I will tell the guy off. If I were asked if I am valuable, I would say yes. But then I go home. And for many women, home is where doubting ourselves starts. Alone with our thoughts, the deep-seated fear that we are not worthy seeps in.

Women want many things that we fear we will never have: love, success, money, children, curves that we can be comfortable with, great intimacy, a healthy relationship with food, a fit body, a job we love, and to live our purpose.

It is not uncommon for a client to tear up when I talk about confidence. “I stayed too long.” “My job doesn’t make me happy.” “Nobody listens to me.” “I might as well be invisible.” “I am stuck.” “I don’t have a choice.” I have heard each of these statements many times.

Why do women feel a perpetual lack of something? For starters, here are a few factors that play into the problem:

We are not told that we are worth as much as our brothers. I painfully remember my grandmother giving my brother more chocolate because he was a boy. If I still remember this from when I was 8 years old, the sting must have been deep. What do we see today? From opportunities, to raises, to holding office, all we see is men men men.

We are not taught to speak up for ourselves in a constructive way. I am not talking about the bitchy “don’t come at me like that” type of talk, but the kind of conversation where we know our boundaries and we enforce them.

Before I can say, “This is the line I draw,” I need to know where I want to draw it. This is a conversation we are not having enough with our daughters. But how can we teach what we ourselves do not know?

Wherever we look, someone seems to have an opinion about appropriate behavior for women. Wear this and not that. Cut your hair shorter when you are older, but keep it long while you are young or else you won’t look feminine. Short skirts are provocative, long skirts or pant suits must be hiding some physical flaw. Don’t speak too loud. Why don’t you speak up? Wait, it’s not your turn to speak… It’s all so confusing.

We have to fight for every inch of our advancement. If there really is anyone out there who believes a woman should get paid less than a man for a comparative job—please identify yourself. Seriously, is this discussing STILL happening? And are we, as a society, honestly okay with the low numbers of women in leadership positions?

And the worst one is that many of us just don’t like or support other women. I’ve written about this extensively. We must—WE MUST—support other women in their quests for advancement. Because if we can’t find a way to unify at this moment in history we have nobody to blame but ourselves. This is a pivotal time.

Our self-worth is in the toilet because we don’t lift each other up enough. If I cannot take joy and pride in other woman’s advancement, then I am hurting my own because I can probably learn something from her. If I support her, she will support me. It’s logical, it’s simple, and it is so overdue.

The Women’s Code changes the way women lead and work. We take control over what we can—first, ourselves. As I change, we can all change. A supported and loved woman doesn’t doubt her worth for long. She has her sisters to remind her when she forgets.

At her lowest point, Beate Chelette was $135,000 in debt, a single mother, and forced to leave her home. Only 18 months later, she sold her image licensing business to Bill Gates in a multimillion dollar deal. Chelette is a nationally known ‘gender decoder’ who has appeared in over 60 radio shows, respected speaker, career coach, consummate creative entrepreneur, and author of Happy Woman Happy World. Beate is also the founder of The Women’s Code, a unique guide to women leadership and personal and career success that offers a new code of conduct for today’s business, private, and digital worlds. Determined to build a community of women supporting each other, she took her life-changing formula documented it all in a book Brian Tracy calls “an amazing handbook for every woman who wants health, happiness, love and success!”