Benjamin Netanyahu and Hamas leader Khaled Mashal last night announced a lasting settlement to the Israeli-Palestine conflict following a night of negotiations over eight pints of Fosters in the Lamb and Flag pub, Walthamstow.

Labour leader Ed Milliband will try beer, allegedly for the first time, in a bid to woo a wider voter profile. ‘One thing I do like about this pint of beer thing is you get so much!’, said Milliband, dismissing rumours of him being an ‘ale virgin’ who is scared of public houses which might contain public opinion. ‘People are understandably concerned about people coming here from, well abroad, really, and the pressures that puts on our economy. So that makes beer something I have a lot of time for. A pint, that’s nearly an armful!’ joked the Labour leader.

In a move which is sure to be welcomed by ‘hard working families’ and ‘lovable northerners’, the Government has announced that whippets, pipes, pints of mild and dolly tubs are all to be zero-rated for VAT.

A comprehensive survey of pub names has revealed the changing face of British pubs. The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) survey has showed how a whole host of new names has burst on the scene, displacing many an old favourite.