It’s been a long time since I’ve updated this. A lot has happened in both the world of Philadelphia sports, and my personal life. Both of which explain my hiatus from my little corner of the interwebz. The Phillies got booted from the playoffs by the low lifes in San Francisco, who then went on to win the world series, I took part in, and won, NaNoWriMo 2010. As a side note for those of you won don’t know, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, which you attempt to write 50,000 words in 30 days.

Anyway, after that I was dealing with the sickness and then death of my grandmother. I’ve been meaning to get back into the swing of things, posting my feelings of the Phils sudden exit from the postseason and then the glorious signing of Cliff Lee (can I get a hallelujah?)after the new year, but right now, the reason for Tucker Carlson to be trending on Twitter has brought me back a little earlier than I had anticipated.

It started just a few moments ago when @PatTheBat4MVP came up and gave me the Cliff Notes version of what had transpired when Tucker Carlson filled in for Sean Hannity on FOX News while the latter was on vacation. From my understanding, Carlson is a huge animal rights activist and was talking about President Barack Obama commending the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles for allowing a man who has “paid for his crimes” to have a second chance and serve his community. I’ll have YouTube videos and the rest after the jump.

As I sit here, unable to sleep from insomnia and possible elimination paranoia, I saw that my all time favorite movie was free OnDemand. I saw Inglorious Basterds because WWII is my favorite period in history. I don’t know why, I’ve just always been drawn to it.

In this movie, Brad Pitt’s character, Lt. Aldo Raine gives quite possibly one of the best monologues in cinema history. It was incredibly well done, and I can quote it, in its entirety, from memory. I used this several months ago for the Flyers playoff run, and feel like with a little bit of word changes, it’ll fit.

So here it is, and I hope that this, coupled with the voodoo I tried before Game 5 (more on that later), I’m hoping we can see our Fightin’s pull it together for two more games and get us back to the fall classic. Monologue under the jump!

For anyone who knows me, on the internet or away from the computer, knows that I’m… well, I’m mean. I don’t ever censor myself because I think people won’t like what I have to say. If I say something in passing and it hurts your feelings, you probably need to get some thicker skin.

With that being said, the other night myself and a few of the people that I follow on Twitter were tossing around jokes about throwing D batteries at Scott Rolen. Before I continue, let me point out that the only twitterers who were mentioned in these posts were those who were involved in the joke, we never brought anyone else (Phillies fan or otherwise) into the discussion. A couple of Reds fans that must’ve been trolling the #Phillies tag, came across it and RT’d, which lead to a few others getting butthurt. Whatever, they don’t get the joke, they’ll never understand that was all it was, so we just ignored them.

Here in Philly, we have begun to adopt various names for the month of post-season baseball we’ve become so accustomed to over the last four years. In 2008 and 2009, we called it Chooch-tober for the machine that Carlos Ruiz turns into when the ante ups for games 163-plus. This year, along with Chooch-tober, we have Doctober, aptly named for the first of three aces the Phillies are going to be sending to the mound for what’s hopefully a run to WFC 2.0. What I’m writing up for you here is what I consider to be the best ways to have a FUNNER Chooch/Doc-tober. The steps after the jump!