Sermons

Sin is Permanent

In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, in One God Amen!

Sin is permanent, a forever reminder of your past and the mistakes you have made. The past week, on the commemoration of our Lord Jesus Christ’s birth, I too had the opportunity to be reborn. By his grace, forgiveness, and endless compassion, I was able to erase my past and write a new beginning and chapter for myself. On January seventh, I received the precious gift of Jesus Christ’s blood and flesh. A sinner like me was so blessed to receive such a Holy gift. This gift is unlike any other present I have ever been given. It made me feel clean and gave me serenity. When my confessional father told me, “All your sins are forgiven,” it was as if a load of heavy luggage was taken off my back. I felt so grateful and truly thankful to get a chance to start over.

Everything that lead up to the moment of my confession was a journey of confusion, pride, ignorance, feelings of not belonging, and extreme shame. I was never meant to go off the rails. I grew up in a typical Tewahedo home, with parents who believe in God and who followed the spiritual practices. I can’t say they had a deep understanding of the rituals, but I can say with certainty that they were willing to do everything God commanded without a question. They had the spirit of obedience, they believed in God and his every word. As a little girl, from this type of home, I followed my parents. I fasted all the seven fasts, prayed before and after meals, and attended church every Sunday. To me, it was a daily routine, I did it because my parents did. Even though I didn’t understand these spiritual rituals I was performing, I had a faint idea that it must be pleasing to God or that’s how one gains God’s love. My parents who couldn’t teach me the doctrine of my religion or answer my questions, did, however, instill in me fear of God. That was the premise of my faith. I grew up understanding God in that framework. God was the man in the sky who loved me and someone I should fear. To outsiders, I was quote in quote religious. For me, this was a conflicting assumption because I didn’t know what it entailed. Over time, I became accustomed to the name because I realized it was something positive. I started thinking that I was God’s favorite, I became an entitled brat. I took God’s love as a given and saw myself from an elevated place. But this wasn’t worst of my sins.

Although I viewed myself as God’s favorite and was judging others from the perception of myself as a “good Christian,” I never felt content. There was always a void that needed filling, a feeling of isolation and loneliness. I felt unloved and was always searching for something I couldn’t recognize. In my moments of confusion and feelings of not belonging, I got caught in the waves of adolescence. I made friends with the wrong crowd and pursued them to fill the void of not belonging. I started participating in so-called “fun activities,” which I knew were sins. Nonetheless, I ignore my sense of morality because I had an urgency to fit in. I thought if I fit in with these people, I would feel loved and whole. I was wrong, the more I sinned the more lonely and unworthy I felt. But there was no turning back because doing so meant admitting I was wrong and I was too prideful to admit my flaws. While all this was happening, I was still trying to maintain the image of a religious girl. I could not afford to be seen by others as a fraud even though that’s what I was. Wearing the whitest clothes and with my head covered, I went to church and engaged in polite spiritual conversations. Pretending to be someone else was the worst part of everything I was going through. It made me feel completely empty. Soon, I stopped going to church and pretending. I decided to make my sins apparent to the world. I started drinking and partying publicly, got into a relationship with two people at the same time and engaged in sexual acts, which lead me to been sexually abused. I got countless piercings in my body and a tattoo to top it off.

I became a prisoner of my own sins. As sad as it sounds, I was addicted to sinning. I could no longer account for myself or my sins because I didn’t have self-agency. This was my final point of despair, defeated and hopeless, I contemplated suicide. I could no longer bear the feeling of unworthiness but I was too ashamed to turn to God. I cried and cried because I sinned against God and now death was my only option. On the third day my mourning, I got a call from a friend whom I haven’t spoken in four years. She called to tell me one of our mutual friends is in a mental institution because she tried to kill herself. In my shock, I couldn’t utter a word. My friend preceded to say, “what a pity, she was such a composed person.” That was my wake-up call. I couldn’t believe that’s all she had to say about our friend who almost killed herself. Hanging up the phone, I decided I was not going to kill myself to be pitted by others, instead I am going to take proactive actions. I got up from my bed, opened the blinds, made my bed, took a shower, and went to the nearby church. On the entrance of the Ethiopian Saint Mary church, I kneeled in front of God and poured my soul out. I told Him where I been and where I want to go. I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and guidance to His path. When I went home, I asked my deacon friend to find me a priest, that was the beginning of the day my relationship with God changed. Through whatever means possible, even an attempted death of an old friend. God made sure He sent me a message that would get through my hard head. He knew I would never stand to be pitied by anyone even at my lowest point. I am sure along the way God sent me many signs to redirect me from my path but I ignored all of them. Don’t be like me, don’t force God to cause tremendous events in order to save you from your own self-destruction.

It took me a year to get to the glorious moment of receiving God’s holy gift. I had to go through many steps of purification. I started from the beginning and learned about God and our religion. I fasted, did spiritual exercises given by my confessional father, listened to many sermons, read the Bible, and prayed a lot. In the process of my reeducation, I found my identity in Christ. All this time, I was searching for something that was already there. I struggled so much because I forgot Whose I was. I am God’s child, therefore, always loved. I didn’t need to search for love, it was always there, I just had to receive it. When I partook in the holy communion, I felt His love. My spirit was whole and complete because God dwelled in me.

Now, I am here content with myself and sure of who I am, but my body is a reminder of my past. The holes from my piercings, my tattoo, and loss of my purity will forever remain visible. Perhaps the worst reminders are the memories I can’t forget. Sins are permanent when we sin we only hurt ourselves and create memories that will forever haunt us. Make me your lesson, always remember your identity in Christ and how much you are loved by Him. Don’t seek love elsewhere and fall in permanent sins you can’t erase.

Glory to God.

Bieza

Related

Comment(1)

Danu says

Church Season

The Apostles' Fast is one of the oldest fast, and the first kind of fasting kept by the Christian Church. The fast of the apostles varies in length, depending upon the date of Easter, and maybe a minimum of 14 days and maximum of 44. During the Apostles' Fast, the Holy Spirit spoke to them, "As they ministered to the Lord and FASTED; the Holy Spirit said separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them. And when they fasted and prayed and laid their hands on them, they sent them way." (Acts 13:2-3)

Most Viewed Q&A

Why do we kiss a priest's hand?We kiss the hands of bishops and priests because in the context of the Divine Liturgy, the hands hold and distribute the holy Body and Blood of our Lord, God and Savior Jesus Christ! This is an enduring and centuries old tradition in the Eastern Christendom that has a purely metaphorical connotation; of course, this is not to leave out..... Read More »

17 people found this faq useful.

Can we go to our school parties such as prom and homecoming?We should not participate in any dance because dancing involves bodily movements which are sexually suggestive and can be classified under the heading of "lasciviousness or lewdness" (Gal 5:19-21). Surely a Christian would not want to engage in that type of activity. The close body contact or the erotic movements that characterize so many of the rock-oriented dances would arouse..... Read More »

15 people found this faq useful.

What is the meaning of life?Life = Jesus Christ "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him and without Him nothing was made that..... Read More »

11 people found this faq useful.

Why aren't we allowed to date? Why can't we get married to someone who isn't Orthodox? Is it a sin, and if yes, why?Dating, especially at school age or early college life is in itself very much related to lack of maturity. It is a relation not in due time and not according to God's natural laws. Solomon the wise prophet said, "To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the Heaven. A time to be born, and a..... Read More »

9 people found this faq useful.

What is our position on St. Mary and Immaculate Conception and what is it?We believe the Virgin Mary is sinless (Free from the sin of Adam) Sin entered the world first when Adam and eve disobeyed God and ate from the tree that was not allowed for them to eat. Gen 2:16-17, Gen 3:1-24, Romans 6:23. After eating the tree of knowledge of good and evil, Adam and eve lost their . As..... Read More »

9 people found this faq useful.

How come Aboy keshi doesn’t dance? But they tell us it’s okay to dance?/How come the keshis leave right before the Guayla starst?/Can deacons dance?The answer to this question is simple as our scholar father John Chrysostom said "The Law of the King [Fitha Negest] - A Christian must not go to a wedding {nuptial banquet] to clap his hand rhythmically or to dance with his feet; rather he shall eat in a quiet way as is proper to saint. Chapter 11. or 446..... Read More »

9 people found this faq useful.

Is betting a sin? What is the Holy Bible view on it?There is a difference between betting and assigning a prize in a competition. Having contestants compete to win a prize in a competition is not a sin but betting on who is going to win is like gambling and is a sin. In dealing with each other the Holy Bible says, "Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love,..... Read More »

6 people found this faq useful.

What did Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ do in the wedding in Cana of Galilee? Did HE dance?If you read John 2:1-11 in the bible it states "on the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; 2 and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus *said to Him, “They have no wine.” ….Jesus *said..... Read More »

6 people found this faq useful.

Is it sinful for a female to kiss a male even if it feels good, satisfying and would be considered by me as a sign of affection and its not sex?If kissing did not feel good no one would have the desire to do it. Like everything else in life there is a time and a season for everything. Kissing a guy who is not your husband is definitely wrong no matter how good it felt. Since you felt good this implies that you would not mind doing it again! And..... Read More »

5 people found this faq useful.

What is the meaning of Fasika?The Jews used the blood of the Calf and the curse of the death of the first born "passed over" them. Exodus 12 explains in more detail but I will put some verses from there here: "For I will pass through the land of Egypt on that night, and will strike all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both..... Read More »

5 people found this faq useful.

In the Eritrean culture, dancing is an integral part of wedding celebrations. Is dancing in wedding receptions acceptable in the eyes of God and our Church?The Holy Bible teaches us, "We ought to obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29). It amazes me how after attending the beautiful Crowning Ceremony, witnessing the Holy Spirit come upon the couple to unite them to become one flesh and participating in all the prayers to the Lord to bless the couple, Christians turn around and forget all about..... Read More »

5 people found this faq useful.

How come we can't dance? Didn't our father David/Dawit dance?To be a Christian is to imitate the Lord Jesus Christ and follow His footsteps. In any situation we should learn to always ask ourselves 'What Would Jesus Do?" Our Lord said, "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me" (Mt 11:29). Do you think if He were with us today would He dance? Dancing is a worldly way..... Read More »

5 people found this faq useful.

What is a man's role vs. a woman's role in a truly Christian marriage? Nowadays we live in difficult financial times and women have to work both inside and outside the home.One of the beautiful services in our Coptic Orthodox Church is the Crowning Ceremony where the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony takes place. The readings of this ceremony give specific instructions regarding the role of both the bride and the bridegroom. The following biblical passages tells both the husband and wife how they should love and respect each other: Pauline letter (Eph..... Read More »

4 people found this faq useful.

Why can't a couple live together before getting married? Isn't it a good way of getting to know each other?"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Please rethink these questions as they are grievously erroneous. Marriage is a holy Sacrament, blessed and sanctified, whereby two become one before God, and with God; and vow to live their unified life. When a light is put out in a room,..... Read More »

3 people found this faq useful.

What does our Church think about homosexuality?By definition 'Homosexuality' is a predominant, persistent and exclusive psychosexual attraction toward members of the same sex. A homosexual person is one who feels a tendency to direct sexual desire towards another of the same sex. No one is born homosexual, nor is it something over which one has no control. It is a fact that our biological composition has..... Read More »

3 people found this faq useful.

Dancing and the Church -What does Guayla have to do with our Faith?The Holy Bible mentions two types of dancing. The first is that in which King David, Miriam the prophetess, and others performed; triumphant type of jumping, skipping, and promenading before the Lord (2 Sam 6:14; Ex 15:20). The second is that in which individuals engaged for pure pleasure. It was done either as a show for others as with Herodias'..... Read More »

3 people found this faq useful.

What is our Church Fathers view on Dancing?St. Ephrem, one of the oldest Fathers of the Church, said this: “Who invented the dances and balls? Was it St. Peter? Was it St. John or some of the Saints? Certainly not, but rather the Devil, the enemy of souls.” Further, he adds, “Where there are balls, the angels are sad and the devils are jubilant.” And also, “It..... Read More »

3 people found this faq useful.

Where in the Holy Bible is it stated that a believer should not get married to an unbeliever?From the time of Moses, God not only forbade believers to marry unbelievers, but asked His people to destroy all the inhabitants of the land where they were going to lest they marry from among them; "and you take of his daughters for your sons, and his daughters play the harlot with their gods and make your sons play the..... Read More »

2 people found this faq useful.

What does "The man being the head of the wife" mean?It means that as the Lord Jesus Christ is the head or governor of the church and the head of man; so is a man the head or governor of a woman. This, however, should not give a husband the license to exercise tyranny nor a woman manipulation. Wives should act under the authority of their husbands as the church..... Read More »

2 people found this faq useful.

Website Mission

This website is prepared by Eritrean Orthodox Tewahdo Church, Diocese of the U.S.A and Canada and its purpose is to spread the word of God and educate the Orthodox Tewahdo way to all people in the world.