Riverfuckers, Al is Weak, and Studly Me

There I shilled your lazy fat drunken ass. Speaking of Al how does he only make 1000 posts in 4 years? 1,629 Posts, last published on Jan 28, 2008. Suck that you fat asshole. You have been around longer than me but you have almost half the posts. Post more pr0n pics of bar chicks you loser.

I remember when there were just three bloggers, Al, Iggy and Dr. Pauly. They walked three miles in the snow to write posts. Blogger then ate the posts and they had to walk three miles back home, retype the post, and walk three miles back to blogger to submit the post again. In the snow. Uphill both ways. Good to see you guys are still around inspiring new generations of retarded blogger wars.

Speaking of shilling Fuel55 one of the WORST poker players in the universe is having thisbig ole cash game. Sounds like easy money. Fuel was too chicken to stake me a buyin. Perhaps someone will.. I think I will be playing this game by the end of the year anyways. I really feel good at my chances of getting to 10K by the end of the year. If I played this game I would feel good about getting to 10K by the end of the night.

I have been dipping my toe into the Stud-8 arena with some success. I have been learning a little bit about the game. I think pushing smaller edges in this game is a good way to get screwed. Even if your ahead there are many many many times you should just fold. I won 3 buyins yesterday then gave a buyin back at Stud-8 playing with naked pairs against small draws. If you do not at least catch two pair early you really need to let you hand go. EVEN IF YOU ARE AHEAD. At least this is what I think. You can get much better drawing hands than a pair. In the long run it will cost you AND your only drawing to half the pot. Bad poker. Anyway I am learning.

I also want to congratulate BuddyDonk for winning the whatever he won. I think he won something. I dunno. Anyway I was having some fun with him and hope he did not take it too seriously. I watched him make some LARGE laydowns late and play very un-buddy like and think that he might even be improving? Is this possible? Nahhh.. Just an off night. Congrats anyway you big Donkey you deserved to win.

Unlike Mookie who was second best last night. Tard.

Oh and Choad I have never been staked by you I think your money has Aids.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Fun Times With Ballahs

I played the 100/NL cash game tonight and set myself a loss limit of $100. The players assembled were MiamiDon, Sucko, LJ, Bayne, Skiddoo, Fuel, Pirate Lawyer, and CK. Surflexus made an appearance too. I had a good time. It is refreshing to play higher stakes players. Even if certain people like Sucko to name one seemed a little tilted. Hell who knows maybe he was just having fun at lower levels. Anyway I did not hurt myself and even took a nice $35 profit off the table. The big luckbox of the night was Skiddoo. He always seemed to have a hand vs Lucko and there were some really sick coolers. My worst fold of the night was to Bayne on a board with straights and flushes all over and a made straight on the board I folded to his river bet. Probably a good fold since best case I take half but his bluff hurt. I also folded to Skiddoo when I was pretty positive he was bluffing. He showed his hammer and we all laughed. Fun times.

Rake Report WPT Giveaway

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This giveaway is free, for full details click their banner and check out the site!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Wish me Luck Donks!

Playing the 100K on Bodog in T-26 Minutes and counting. I am going to win. Fisheater2000 if you want to cheer.

Made the first break. Down about 600 chips. Had a few decent hands but nothing hit the flop. Last hand before the break I folded a hand to a raise. I might have put all my chips in on the turn. No idea if I would have won. Hopefully the good cards come in the second half. Only about 200 people out so far. About one fourth the field. Still a WAYYY to go before payday.

Out in like 550th or so. With two hundred blinds in position with <10BB left I jammed 58c and run into Jacks. No suckout for me. Ah well.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Tilt Monkey

Man am I a tilt monkey. It really comes down to one form these days. It is not the playing worse form or anything like that. I can even take losing for a little while by retarded suckouts. Normally I just hang it up for the day and try again tomorrow. When I start losing a bunch in a row though it gets to me. All this week has been terrible. I have been losing in cash, losing SNGs, no good scores in MTTs. Besides the 75/token SNG win I have been going down.

So today I get that old feeling where I just want to play one more game to get it all back. I find myself down to 690 which is less than what I had before I won the 75/token SNG and then I go full out bat shit crazy. I sit down at a 220/HU SNG.

Lucky for me the players at 220/SNG's are retarded and I am back at 890 or so. It was pretty funny the last hand we played. I was having a good time playing with someone who was not a push monkey. However through some small bluffs and good cards I get him down to 990 chips. Still enough to work with. He had a pattern where whenever he lost a small hand he would try and 3-bet me the next hand with nothing to get it back. So I call him with T7o. The flop come T7x and I lead out a weak 200 into a 500 pot. Obviously he decides to push me off the hand and jams his full 990 in. I call and he shows 75o. He was drawing dead by the turn and I was laughing my way to the bank.

Now this might seem to point to the fact that you should follow my example and do this but in all reality this path leads to ruination eventually. Possibly not today or tomorrow but one day you will not be able to "make it back" and you will lose your bankroll. So do not do what you see the monkey do because it is just doo doo or something like that..

Dodge and Weave Baby

Razz has been kicking my ass lately so I am dodging and weaving. It actually has not be horrible to me but I have been more break even than before. So I switched over to some NLHE and Stud-8 last night. See us multi-talented human beings can switch around to something else when one form of poker gets to us.

The Riverfuckers Razz game ended poorly. Not all in one suckout hand but three hands in a row I start with A23 and get K,K and can not continue. This knocks my healthy 6k stack that had been top five all game to bottom five and I end up going out shortly after when I have to bring in nineteen times and finally get sick of it all.

This weekend will be my 100K game. I am looking forward to it. I also won a token yesterday and will probably use that for something. Even thinking of stopping in to the Katitude therapy session for a while. See you around.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Good Night

I had a good night last night. I finally used mt 75-token on one of the $75 SNGs and scored a first place win for 310. I got the token from a 300FTP game so it was all pure profit. Very welcome win. I did donk a little of it off at the Razz table. I played well but the cards were not there. I also got into one of the retarded push fests that Don and Chad love so dearly and CK and I were taken out on the same hand by some retard. At least we were together baby! *sigh*

I played the Mookie last night and made one questionably bad play, one bad play, and got sucked out on once. These three plays were what made the night. One fun play was when Pushmonkey jammed the turn on me and I called with two pair. He was drawing dead BUT he caught his fucking ten. If there is anyway that lucksack can win a hand he will. I was lucky I had him drawing completely dead.

The Suckout was given by DonkeyPuncher. He jammed QJ s00000ted in EP with a semi-short stack and I felt he had ATC. So I called with KQo. Remember when we were naive and believe that dominated meant you probably would win? Not so my friends. Do not believe that shit as DonkeyPuncher pulled a flush out of his ass on the river to knock me down. This call was questionable but became a bad suckout when the cards were flipped over.

So then I get on a roll and get some more chips and get involved in a hand with Chad. I had two pair on the turn. There was a flush and straight on the board. Chad jammed all of his chips in which had me covered. Excellent pressure. I think I have to fold my hand here as almost any card beats me. I did let it go but before doing so I told Chad I thought he was on a total bluff. Something just did not smell right. He turned over AQ for Ace high nothing and although I was right he won a big pot.

The bad play of the night was my final play pushing fours into aces in EP. I never should have done this. It was retarded. I get a little anxious when my M gets low and tend to make mistakes like this. I would have no problem if I was in later position pushing my fours and hoping for a race. Really not considering the position was my big mistake here. So I went out in the Mookie in 14th place when I could have possibly waited and made the money.

All in all a nice night and the bankroll remains at just shy of 1K. In general I think I am playing excellent. It was nice that my read on Chad was dead on. I will be playing Riverchasers tonight as well as some Razz cash. I also plan on playing in Bodogs big $109 game this weekend whatever that might be. See you then.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

My Poker Thoughts

First off I mean no disrespect when I slam LJ. It is just meant in fun and you have to admit she has a winning style. Aggression pays off in MTT games even if it makes you look stupid sometimes. She has pretty much taken down every event that idiot bloggers play lately AND had a nice AC score. So suck that.

I am constantly thinking about poker and how my own game can improve. As much as I love slamming people and trying to get them to think about their own games. Starting sometime last year I got on the more aggression wins MTT bandwagon. However I have not yet figured out what the right mixture is.

In general it seems as if what you need to do to win one of these events is to get all your money into a HUGE pot and be close enough to winning that you have a shot and then get lucky and take down said enormous pot to become chip leader and try not to get fucked at the final table.

In practice you can never know when your going to get lucky so there is a lot of luck involved. You also can not just constantly sling chips around. As this will get you broke pretty fast. You just have to play tight and take a calculated chance when you get deep so you can have an abundance of chips.

I can not get my mind around what the right combination of tightness and reckless abandon you need to win something big. I have had times this week when I have played like a total donkey and sucked out three separate times to win the whole event. I have had times when I have called off large chips with weak holdings and held up to get to the final table only to get sucked out on as a 80% favorite. In the end how much of the decisions we make decide our fate. I have no answers. Perhaps this is why I am the Worst Poker Player.

Of course you could also always play Instant Tragedy. He has such a huge tell that you would never lose to him.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Fucking Tired

Bodog. Out in 4th. TT vs 55. He raises 7k. I jam. Fuck you Fuel.

Speaking of Bodog. 20k in the pot. 600 blinds. One shortie is all in for 3k. IT and I had cold called him. Numbono jams all in. IT folds. It is 7k to play. The blinds are 600. All I have left is 7k. I have eights. I think this is an easy call. Numbono turns over AK and the short stack turns over AQ and I am in pretty decent coin flip shape to take down the pot. Q8 flop pretty much seals the deal. I think sometimes you have to gamble. It enabled me to get to 4th and get in good deep even though I got sucked out on. It also earned me T$109 and $30 cash. Not too bad. I like the play even if Numbono went ballistic. Was fun taunting him afterwards too.

Skillz game out early. Raise pre-. Flop Nut flush draw, Nut Straight Draw, have the best hand, and get called on all 3 streets by A88J backdoor flush draw. No low. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Yet he runners a flush and wins and that is it for me. Fuck LO8. Man that fucking pissed me off. Kind of a Sirfuxus move.

Won 1.5 buyins at Razz in about fifteen minutes after having a cold spell for three days. It paid for all my tourney fun and gave me a profit for the night.

Moved to the Hancock building today. Love heights. Nice building. Different food. Sleepy. Later.

Worst Poker Player

I actually used LJ ninja powers last night and landed myself a $75 token. Let's set the stage. I played a 300 Full Tilt Point token race last night. One hundred eighty retards with no money vs one retard with some money. The top six retards take the token. The format is a six max MTT.

First I see someone raise in middle position. I look down and see AQ. I channel myself some LJ and say "Let's jam baby! Momma needs a new pair of shoes!". I take my nose out of LJ's ass long enough to see my opponents AK go down in flames to my AQ. Boomya! Thanks for the lessons darling.

A few hands later I look down and see the almighty seven seven heaven baby. Worth all your chips. My proponent of the last anal fucking raises and I think to myself "He is one unlucky fucker". So I jam all in with my sevens. I have a feeling they are going to be good but I have to worship at the altar of the Donkey in order for them to pay off. My opponent naturally turns over Pocket Rockets baby. A good way to get your dick burned off. The seven on the river gives me a ridiculous suckout which I expected to happen anyways and I am near top in chips and my opponent is on the rail wondering what the fuck happened.

Next hand I find the old hater Rockets that did my friend in but I am rolling. So in the SB with nobody else in the hand and 75 chips in the middle I jam all in for 12K. The big blind thinks. He thinks. He remembers the last two hands where I pushed crap. He calls with eights. He goes from chip leader to out and I am massive chip leader.

We get down to the last three tables and I have lost some chips to the blinds and have been chipped down from first to worst. This will not stop me. I look down and see the quackers baby. Double deuces. My favorite number. So I jam them and get called by sevens. My night would be over except I catch a two on the flop and now I am massive chip leader again. WOOOOOOT!

The final token bubble lasted forever and I did not think I was going to make it. A lot of play happened and I was getting impatient. I got a huge pot with Aces which kept me in good shape. I then called who I thought was going to be bubble boy. He lived up to expectation and I won my token.

See poker is easy. In all reality games like this totally shatter any faith I ever had that poker was a game of skill. It really is just getting the right cards at the right time. Until later make mine the worst poker player ever.

I have a shit load of money. Slb and XGod are basically all in this hand. There hands do not matter at all. It is only me and IT. This is a knock out tourney. I spent $7 to get into this fucker. It is obvious that some retard playing Queen doors like Jordon is going to get lucky and suckout and knock me out. So here I have an opportunity to win half my buyin back. I am going for it. Plus Instant tragedy is in the hand. Bonus. I love fucking with him.

*** 4TH STREET ***Dealt to slb159 [Ks] [3s]Dealt to SirFWALGMan [Qd] [Qh] Dealt to InstantTragedy [6d] [Kc]Dealt to XGod_Of_WarX [2d] [7d]SirFWALGMan checksInstantTragedy bets 120SirFWALGMan calls 120 Terrible brick vs the players who are all in already.. However the only one who can bet is IT and now I have a decent draw against his king. Lets see what happens next. Also in context IT likes to bluff a lot and I do not put him on two good under cards.

My guess pays off as IT check. Only reason he is checking here is because he has shit behind. He would be betting his ass off if he had any kind of draw. I got a great card. I actually should have thrown a bet in here. Now I am in position to take IT money, get two bounties, and win a decent pot.

Bonus getting paid off by IT. He has to know I am perfect underneath to even attempt the Jordon Gambit. I rock baby.

*** SHOW DOWN ***SirFWALGMan shows [7s 5h Qd Qh 2h Ac 3c] 7,5,3,2,A SirFWALGMan wins the main pot (40) with 7,5,3,2,A (I accidentally erased the line where he wins the main pot, worth approximately 1,600.)

Wooo Hoo! I am the king. IT plays shitty under cards and I get paid off in a low percentage hand. I think the added equity of two bounties and the room for mistakes with chips left makes this an ok play. If IT did not brick so badly on 4th I would have had to dump my hand but that King was perfect. I think I just understand all poker games better than Jordon. I try and teach the guy but you just can not train a monkey. It is impossible.

As it turns out I was totally correct and some donkey monkey asshole sucked out on me before the money. So the knockouts I won paid for most of the tourney and made it a zero sum game. So since I had bounties to collect and I was only against IT in the hand and he bricked fourth as badly as me I think I played this hand perfectly fine. I do not recommend you amateurs trying this at home. Please leave this to the professionals.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Haircut

I got a trim today. I look sexy. I told the woman "Nice Haircut". I really meant "You have gigantic boobs and a nice face, you can butcher my hair if you want". She did a good job. We all know how much I love women running their hands through my hair. I tipped her six bucks on a fourteen buck haircut! BIIIIG SPENDER BABY! The chicks love it!

I feel sad that Green Bay lost. You should have paid the ransom money. You care not for your team. San Diegayo good try. I look forward to knocking you out again next year. You played well though.

I had a great post all set if Green Bay won.. Something about betting The Wife nude pics of her samba undies and not understanding why she would not want pics of me in a speedo.. Anyway.. they lost and so I can not make that brilliant post. See how much hard work goes into this site?

I blew a HUGE portion of my roll on Bodog. It was fun though. I basically got donked out of a 220SNG by the most moronic call ever. How do you call off 2/3 your stack with QJo? What kind of retard does this kind of stuff. Actually it was pretty funny because the hand before he calls off a big flop bet with Q7o after I raised pre-flop and c-bet my AJ. The seven on the turn does not help. Fucking retards at 220SNGs it is mind boggling. Ah well.

Full Tilt bankroll is still healthy. I was up to 850ish and had two bad days at the Razz table bringing it down to 730ish. Not too bad. Crazy fucking suckouts though and bad brick-bricks. I still love the Razz tables.

I also may get my chat banned. Someone threatened me. I called them a donkey. Then I said "well at least I didnt call you a cocksucker".. and then they said "YOU CALLED ME A COCKSUCKER!!".. fucking McDonald's University dropouts do not understand English. Fucking grow a pair and fight your own battles instead of crying to Full Tilt you fucking scumbags. Will keep you posted though.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Tired

I went out of the Bodog 3k in 14th place. Getting closer. Thirty six bucks is not that fun though. I actually made a dumb call but I am neutral about it since I had 4BB. A guy jammed two hands in a row. I had J8d. Figured I would have two live cards plus some straight and flush possibilities so I called. I guess I would have rather jammed but 12k stack with 3k blinds I dunno. Anyway peace. I also finished third in Riverfuckers when three ways I had A9 vs AJ on an Axx flop. I am ambivalent about going out on this hand too. I maybe could have folded the turn but HU Aces whatever. Third is an acceptable finish for me even if first would be better. I think I played a great game at the end although I donked a lot early. Peace.

Dr. Pauly the Hollywood Producer

Dearest Dr. Pauly,

I write to you on behalf of my nine year old son. Apparently as I gushed about you like a school girl and told him what a great writer you are he got it into his head that you could help him. He decided that you were the worlds greatest publisher and movie producer on the planet and were looking for young talented writers to make rich and famous. Unfortunately he mentioned this to his school friends and they all now have plans of being rich and famous.

I have enclosed one of his preliminary script/stories for you review. He expects you to send your limousine to pick him up in Massachusetts and fly him in your private jet to Hollywood. There you can pay him a trillion dollars for the rights to his story. We can work out the little details once we arrive.

I look forward to seeing you again as always. All right are reserved on the enclosed script. Names changed below to protect the innocent.

Your Friend Always,Waffles

Dragon Slayers and the Angry Villagers Versus the Charlyaters and Ja and M

J and A heard about a war and it was about the angry villagers and the Charlyaters but the angry villagers had to fight to keep their lands. Then they signed up for the war. The day of the war they got ready with their armor because they heard they had dragons. When the war began A and J had to fight a dragon. The biggest dragon they had ever seen. But then A got hurt and J called Ja and Ja took A away from the war. Then J killed some Charlyaters but then one of the Charlyaters was going to chop off his head but then J dogged it and J chopped off his head.

J was guided by a flying dragon that was on his side. That was the first dragon that was on his side. Then he flew to the king and started shooting at the king but then the dragon got shot. The dragon falls to the ground but then out of the sky Ja and A came out with a dragon and J started fighting too. Then J went to the kings castle. The brave dragon slayer found out that M was hostage. The king was going to stake her.

J stepped forward and said “Mighty king you can't take our land”. Then there were two guards next to the king. Ja finished off the two guards by throwing a knife in to their heart and J finished off the king by throwing a knife into his heart and J pulled out his heart and it was a dried up old one because he was already dead. And then he went to the king but to get there he had to climb over all the dead people.

Out of the blue they couldn’t believe their eyes J said “I thought we killed the king” and Ja said “I thought I did too. I took out his head.” Then they went to kill the ice dragon but it shot A in the heart but Ja carried her away to the hospital. The ice dragon got hit in the heart and carried away the queen.

J went up to the dragons cave and slayed the dragon. He went to the dragon’s cave and saved the queen. He got a silver chalice but A got the gold one.

Another Excellent Night

I donked out of the Mookie early. Basically been getting bored the last few days and the Razz tables have been whispering sweet nothings into my ear then reaching around and stroking me off like all my good CK fantasies. Although I have to say she scares me.

I had another good day of Razz raking in over $85 last night playing 1/2 and 2/4. Basically double at my 2/4, doubled at another 1/2 and won a half a buyin this morning while waking up. Good stuff my people. As long as guys like Jordon keep playing Razz I may actually make some money.

Congrats to my peep Evy for going deep in the Mookie. She has been on a heater lately and was playing some nice aggressive poker and hitting flops like crazy. I told her I would come down one week and play Riverchasers at the bar. I may have to take her to a nice restaurant like the 99 or something. Only the best for the ladies.

Poker continues to go well for whatever reason. If your in this pool I hear rumor of you should be something a few months down the line. Just saying. Tonight I guess I will play Riverfuckers. I do love me some drunken donkey fun.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Brandi - The Cliff Notes - Part III

No More Prop Bets

I have decided to give these up as I think death, natural disaster, pregnancy, the end of the world, or intelligent koala bears becoming the dominate life form might occur. I still will be placing my bets on GB and the Super Chargers on Friday. I am currently accepting bribes of $40 or more to not bet on these games. Please deposit to Full Tilt (SirFWALGMan) before Friday if you wish to remove the cooler factor.

I have my "Skillz" game post up on Brick to my Nutz or whatever that new blog is. It is worth checking out. Jordon is my guest target of the day. Thank you for participating.

The Bodog game, AKA Smokkee Sucks Bodogs Crank, last night was just really boring. I think I was just not in the right frame of mind. Two tabling between Full Tilt and Bodog is hard and I do much better with some Naruto or One Piece running while playing. It keeps me distracted enough to not make big mistakes and patient enough to get deep.

I did however clean out the Omatard tables again for 1.5 buyins. So this makes like 5-6 buyins up in the last few days. I even played horribly last night at one point going from 1.5 up to .5 down back to 1.5 up. It was pretty funny. I made some sick calls but the six max is pretty easy at this level. At least it has been a lot of fun.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Brandi - The Cliff Notes - Part II

I thought this thread was going to be dead and it mostly seems to be. Pages 46-59 only brought the revelation that Brandi fucked Jamie Gold and Gus Hanson. Apparently this is no surprise to anyone.

Johnny Hughes

If you read just pimp.Brandon, its 12 to 5 he is lying about many of the details. The odds are he is never going to get even. The more I read him, the more I am glad Brandi stole all his stuff. A whining wimp doesn't deserve any stuff in the first place. You were following your dick around and it didn't work out. That's not a bad beat. That happens to all of us on a lesser scale.

It has been my experience over many decades that if women get a hold of any money or jewelry or property, they are not going to ever, ever give it back. Grow up while you still have a few bucks left. Others girls will read this and stalk you as an easy, gullible, good-producing, all-day sucker.

honestperson

lol now they ban brandon from 2+2. Haha thats funny

Now that is an interesting development. Brandon gets banned by the Goat Lover. interesting although not totally unexpected.

jman220

That was actually my mistake, I was scanning the thread for clutter "first" type posts to try to clean it up and make it more readable, and didn't realize that he was one of the people who made that kind of a post, and i tempbanned him without realizing. I just lifted the ban now that I've realized it.

Very suspicious. Not much new though. Please die thread as I need to work.

Mistress Pokers Pain For Tuesday Night

I donked out of the 3k on Bodogg last night. Just really made a bad decision with 70 people left. Not fun. Happens though.

I was happier with my other mistake. I sit down on an Omatard table and the flop gives me a gutshot, the second nut low, and a weak ass eight high flush draw. The first seat jams, the second seat rejams, so I am thinking. Second nut low. Six max. Weak high. Possible gutshot nice high. Ok. I will gambool. I jam all my money in. This is like the first hand at the table. The river brings a spade and then I look up.. it is PLO.. not PLO8. No low draw. So basically I put all my chips in for a weak ass flush draw. Of course the eight high flush is the best flush and I scoop a huge pot. I quickly leave. I sat down at the PLO8 table and doubled up there and left also.

I also covered my costs of the retarded Hoyazo Monday playing Razz. Fucking retarded game if I ever saw one. I have Pushmonkey calling my all in with a ten high flush draw on the turn for all his chips. Now you would THINK if people were coming after me and making -EV plays I would get paid off and win a lot of these right? WRONG! Fucking club on the river and I am done. I swear I hate you all.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Brandi - The Cliff Notes

A recap of the Brandi thread on 2P2 for those of you with a life. Containing the highlights of pages 1-46. Updates possible later in the day.

pimprexel

The Real Truth About Brandi HawbakerIt isn't easy for me to come on here and say what I am about to. I know many of you are going to laugh...and that is fine. I expect it and I know I deserve it. If I can however stop this from happening to anyone else, even if its just one other person, it will be worthwhile to me.

Background

My name is Brandon and I have lived in Las Vegas for the past 5 years. As some on here know, I met Brandi Hawbaker around February 2007 basically because of my friendship with Dustin Woolfe.

Brandi is easily the best manipulater I have ever met. Besides being attractive, she is also very intelligent, which only compounds the situation. When I met her it was immediately after the Captain Tom/ Mark Newhouse situation. She was stripping at Spheriment Rhino and had just lost her entire net worth at the Bellagio. I approached her and we started talking. Boy, if I could just change one moment in my life, that would be it.

We started spending every day together from that point on and I soon realized what a mess her life was. She was living in a tiny efficiency behind paradise (for those not familar with Vegas, that is one of the worst neighborhoods. High crime, poverty etc). She had no car. Suspended drivers license. No bank accounts, credit cards etc and warrants for her arrest (traffic violations, bad checks, etc).

Obviously, this should have been the most immediate of red flags, but I didnt listen to my head. As anyone who has ever met Brandi can attest to, she has an uncanny ability to make those around her feel pityfor her. She plays the victim role well.

Even after a almost a year of spending day after day with her, Its still difficult for me to determine what was real and what was an illusion.

What I do know is this. I made a huge mistake. I thought for the past year I was saving somebody worth saving. That is not the case. Brandi is a broken person. There is no saving her or redemption possible. Whatever damage she inflicted on herself years ago can not possibly be undone. I tried very hard.

I stood by her when she told me her version of Captain Tom ripping her off. I even tried to convince myself she never stole from Mark eventhough in the back of my mind I knew the truth. I will say this Mark is an amazing guy. He is basically the type of guy that would give you the shirt of his back. He showed me text messages confirming what he had claimed about her all along and I still tried to justify it in my head. Throughout it all, he still was my friend knowing what Brandi did to him and knowing I never heeded his advice.

When I met Brandi, I was a pitboss in a casino in Vegas. While working one day, something told me to enter her name into a data base that casinos centrally use to collaborate information on cheats, barred patrons, prostitutes etc. I entered her name in hoping nothing would come back. Even expecting the worse, I was still shocked at with was displayed on the screen. Not only had she been barred from several casinos for loitering, bad checks, she had also been 86'd (casinos term for barred) for prostitution. Upon further examination, I found out she had been arrested several times in Las Vegas Casinos for soliciting undercover officers.

I confronted Brandi about this months ago. She cried and told me she had been homeless, she had no way to feed herself, she was on the streets and had no choice. How her mother had kidnapped her when she was young and was in and out of mental hospitals thru Brandi's younger years. Her tears seemed real and made my heart break. I knew how Brandi had attempted suicide several times and was hospitalized on and off since she was a teen. The scars on both her wrists made me cringe. I told myself she was a young girl who made bad choices and wanted to start a new life.

I paid off her warrants, got her drivers license re-instated, got her a bank account, paid off a debt she owed to Steve Zolotow for several thousand, got her on anti-depressants, and paid for her to see a psychologist twice a week.

Throughout this all I never listened to anyone. I wanted to believe in her. I thought I loved her and she was worth saving. My family and close friends (including some 2+2ers) that came into contact with her all tried to warn me over and over. They told me that Brandi was too damaged, been neglected for too long. That there was nothing that could be done. I shut my ears to them.

Throughout the year, she constantly told me how much she hated Las Vegas. Many bad memories she claimed. From Captain Tom, to being incarcarated for a few weeks,etc. She wanted us both to move to Los Angeles where she claimed she would be happier. I just couldnt do it. I should have ended this long ago but the sick thing is I couldnt do it because I couldnt let go. I thought I was protecting her and being a good man. Everytime we broke up, even if only for a week, she would find trouble. Whether it was in Sept when she went alone to the Borgota and called me frantically crying in the middle of the night claiming a well known poker pro who she was sharing a room with tried to sexually assault her, or during the world series when I had to rush to the hospital several times when she had no money for medical treatment or food to eat.

Two weeks ago, things finally hit a boiling point. There had always been violence in our relationship (never ever on my part) and things were starting to escalate over the fact it was apparent I was not moving to Los Angeles with her. She has no concept on how to survive or take care of herself like most of society does i.e paying bills, managing money, having healthy normal relationships, and especially the tedious every day boring activities that constitute life.

I ended up leaving my own home (huge mistake) because her mood swings and violence were becoming too severe. She agreed that it was best for us not to see each other and she would be moved out the first week of January. Like I had always done in the past, I agreed to give her $5,000 to get her life going in LA. It was always pointless, everytime we broke up I gave her 5k-10k because I couldnt just throw her out on the street dead broke and have it on my conscious. I knew what she would resort to doing to make money. And it was always the same result. She would call me a fews days later telling me she loved me, was broke, and crying asking me to help change her life, how she didnt want to live like this any longer.

Two weeks and she was suppose to be gone. Well, she became very bitter that our relationship was finally ending. She ended up stealing a great deal of my property and belongings from my home and selling it. Probably around 40k or so. She is actually at commerce right now, where she is staying, losing my money one hand at a time. I have filed multiple police reports as well as gathered witnesses (neighbors), that can attest to her stealing property and selling it. I have to wait until the Las Vegas burgulary unit conacts me and advises me the best way to proceed.

I need to apologize to alot of people, mainly my family and close friends. I am lucky that I have amazing family and friends surrounding me. I also need to apologize for the arrogance I displayed on here many months ago when I first started posting. I wasnt even close to fully grasping the situation I was involved in. In my heart I always thought I was really protecting her by keeping her lies (such as the $100,000 cd, stripping during the world series, and so many many many more horrible things I still wont disclose that I know about her).

Brandi, being the excellent liar and manipulator that she is will Im sure deny most if not everything I wrote. But it cant be denied. Anyone who knows me well can attest that although I am definitely a flawed person, I am honest, genuine and good hearted. My reputation is not in dispute. Besides, I have police records, cancelled checks, and other indisputable proof. Knowing Brandi, she will once again claim the victim role.

I realize now she has made her life out of hurting, stealing and lying to people that have cared for her. I take responsibility for my stupidity and for whatever public wrath comes my way. I just hope that anyone ever involved in our poker community that comes in contact with her will please just heed the advice that I was to ignorant to.

Brandon

David Sklansky

"Many of the things I know, I have witnessed and would have no problem explaining if it really served a purpose. However, I am not sure if things I know about second hand or even have witnessed regarding others would be appropriate to disclose i.e sklansky, relationships with other well known pro's, things that she did to earn money during the world series etc. Its not my role or intent to embarass anyone else further."

You have my permission to post anything that you think you know about me that is both important and is something you think I am keeping secret. Either do that or kindly retract your implication.

pimprexel

I was in no way implying any first hand knowledge involving you. Besides our few conversations in public and one or two phone calls, that basically consitutes the extent of my relationship with you. My inference was to the fact that Brandi told me many things regarding you and your relationship with her. I obviously cant confirm the vailidity of something told to me second hand. That was what I was implying. Its appartent to me that there is obviously no merit in anything she ever told me regarding you. Which is why I will not disclose anything slanderous she has said.

Now, if you want me to repeat what she told me and others at various points during the summer, that is different altogether

David Sklansky

No. That I don't want. I only asked you to post what you thought might be true. I'm not going to spend hours proving I didn't have sex with three billy goats or whatever else you might claim she said.

pimprexel

Well that was my point. She obviously told me among other things why SHE claims she ended her relationship with you. I felt it would be a disservice to repeat anything she had ever said knowing what i now know. However, I am not the only person she said these things to.

I have no problem repeating anything told to me, as others can collaborate it coming from Brandi as well. I wont if David does not approve

For the record I don't have the slightest idea why she stopped calling me. The last time I talked to her she was heading out of Vegas and there was no hint she was mad about something. I did lecture her during that conversation because she blew some money she had set aside to give someone and blamed that person for not coming to get it. But such conversations were nothing new.

Three months later I bumped into her and I was surprised she ignored me. I figured it was either that conversation or someone telling her not to talk to me. Actually I thought it was you. As far as anything slanderous she could have said about me, the worst would have been my Machiavellian advice as to how to best take advantage of all the high rollers going gaga over her. As far as getting staked. Not stealing. And as you well know, I did advise her to pay Mark.

You are implying that she accused me of much worse things. What is odd about that, if you are to be believed, is that there would have been no motive for her to do that.

pimprexel

Hello? I can't almost believe what I am reading! Motive? After everything you know firsthand and have witnessed involving her you question any of this because its not logical behavior??????? Wow.

Stealing from Mark wasnt logical. Claiming people have hurt her when they have only tried to help her is not logical. Her making a dupe account on here and posting about you is not logical. Losing money and claiming she had been robbed, sexually assaulted is not logical. There is not motive. There is no logic. This is a sickness without rythme or reason.

Hot Quote Paraphrased from David

For the record David Slansky would not advise young women to have butt sex with old men for buyins to high stakes poker tournaments.

pimprexel (paraphrased by Waffles)

Brandi Says Sklanski said she would need to sleep with rich guys to make it in poker. Actually matches up good with his comment above.

David Sklansky

Things now begin to make sense. This was the "slanderous" accusation she made against me? I didn't say those things but I did tell her that guys will stake her if they think they have a chance with her. Even if they think it is negative EV for them. Maybe she thought I was insulting her poker ability with those words.

Waffles Interpretation

You suck at poker Brandi but if guys thing you suck your in like Flynn.

Waffles Description of next few pages of fillerPhil Ivey gets pulled into this somehow.

Marital Status: It's rumored that she might be dating or just sleeping with Carlos Mortenson.

Johnny Hughes

There have always been con artists and angle shooters around poker. It is good that Brandi put a beat on pimp/Brandon. That's her job. She's a con, he's a mark, like Newhizzle but with less class.

Here's a fool bragging that he likes hard drugs and being a fool. It's not like Brandi isn't known for borrowing money to play poker. She is like crime, she does not pay. All you have to say to someone like that is, "Go rob somebody else."

There are herds of damsels in distress in the gambling joints all over the world. The reason we write about Brandi is that she is a good con artist that has made some good scores and pitched it off.

This is Skinnerian. Stimulus. Response. Action. Reward or punishment. She tells a sad story and acts out sorrow, and the sucker puts out his money.

She's done it before. She'll do it some more.

As a teenager, a couple of other guys and I went to a small black bootlegger's afterhours joint. We gave a guy $5...like $50 now...to go get some booze. He never came back. We were conned. The owner told us we better leave and said, "Just consider that $5 worth of education."

This concludes the first 46 pages of the Brandi Saga. Summary. She is fucked up and needs help. Two Plus Two is more fucked up and needs even more help. Johnny Hughes is cool. David fucks Goats but hides it behind the Brandi scandal.

Picks and Shit

Ok. fuck it. You can have my cooler powers. I apologize to Mike and Smokkee up front. I am taking GB to win it, and San Diego to lose but to cover the points. These are my picks. Support your local cooler so he can keep betting sports.

As far as last nights 15th place win.. thanks to everyone for your support. It was an interesting night. I could have gone out much earlier as I pushed cards into Aces twice in the final 75 or so. First time I was totally fine with it. I had 46s and a REALLY short stack.. and if your going to crack aces thats a good hand to do it with. The river gave me a straight. The second time was somewhat painful. Especially with the KK flop to give me hope.

I do not consider 15th place "Good work" or "Well done" or any such crap as that. It is basically failure. I do appreciate the friends I have but as I have always said I expect more of myself. In some ways getting knocked out 15th hurts more than going out 100th. I have been going deep in a lot more tourneys lately so some medium or large score is hopefully coming. I do have no regrets on how I played any hand in the MTT. I even laid down a hand when I was getting odds to call. It was an interesting decision and opens a lot of discussion.

The situation is basically I have 40k in chips. Blinds are something like 3-4k. The big stack to my right on the SB limps. I check behind with A5. Probably could have raised here but I hate going busto with a weak ace. So besides that possible mistake. The flop comes out KQ5. Not a great flop. The large stack bets out for 2k. I re-raise him to 10k thinking he might be stealing or might laydown his hand to aggression since he limped pre-flop. Possibly better to just take a free card. Anyhow the interesting part. There are like 50 people left at this point. He re-raises me all in. If I fold I have 27k left and I am getting good odds on my money. I am likely behind. I decided to let my hand go though. I figured I would have enough chips left to keep going and get to a point where I can double up if I fold. Even though the math might say go ahead and call I think survival takes precedence here. Although I think I probably made many mistakes in this hand the eventual fold is not one of them in my opinion. Commence bashing.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Close to some money..

I played the Daily Doubles. Went out of the first one when my AA all in pre-flop got crushed by 78o. AK6 flop. 5 turn. 9 River. I finished a slightly better 15th in the Daily Double although that was heart wrenching too. I go deep and with fifteen left I have AK and decide I need to jam. So I get one caller. The flop comes KKx and the caller had AA. Nice. Just when I think I am going to get lucky in a crucial spot and go deep the guy rivers a flush. Nothing you can do there. With the blinds I think my push was right and it just ran into Aces then a flush. Guess one time is not gonna happen. Oh well.

Be Afraid..

I am the ultimate cooler. Not only do I get Hoyazo a win in Riverchasers. I go 0-4 in the Playoff's this weekend and knock the Colts and Dallas out single handedly. Lucky for me the Patriots just missed covering. If my other bet happens I swear I will have to quit betting forever because it is just TOO DANGEROUS. I mean we are talking peoples lives here. If you want my next weeks picks your going to have to pay for them. I am not giving this shit away for free anymore.

Nothing Happening

I always enjoy the biological alarm clock. You know the one I am talking about. You are sound asleep when suddenly you awaken. You know it is some retarded time like 6AM and you should not be awake. The gut wrenching pain in your side tells you why you have awakened. You stumble to the bathroom and liquid shit comes pouring out of your ass. I had a good morning.

I can not get anything going on Full Tilt. It is retarded. I lost a buyin in Razz last night with a 6 and 7 low. That is almost unheard of. I also TIED with a FIVE FUCKING LOW! Jesus. I can not win an SNG if my life depended on it. I single handedly made Hoyazo win the Riverchasers last night as I put money AGAINST him with Donkette. I swear most of his play was of the retarded "I have a straight draw lets push" variety and he could not miss a single fucking draw. I am sometimes amazed at my own powers.

Bodog is pretty much at a standstill. I go up a little. I go down a little. The world goes round and round. It is tough sometimes to find a good game there which is the only downside. I also sometimes get bored and do stupid things. I am going to give the 3K another shot tonight. I have been playing pretty well in it. I have a full season of "The Avatar" downloading so I can have Anime distractions while playing the MTT.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Brickin' The Nutz Razz Game

Retard Radio Baby

It was fun doing the radio show last night. I apologize to everyone we insulted including Micky Mouse, Transvestites, all women everywhere and Goats. You should never give me license to run my mouth off for hours at a time. Nothing good can come of this.

I had a really good time playing the Mookie. I went out very early to set over set. No bad beat. I enjoy losing cleanly. My problem is when someone plays in such a retarded way that they should not win. It is that kind of play that sets me off.

I had an even better time playing Razz cash where I had a good night winning 2.5 buys. Razz is a very streaky game but I disagree with Chad about skill playing a part in the game. The skill and discipline to play the right cards and to fold are the keys to winning huge. The fact that all of your opponents are clueless chasers even at the 5/10 level is why it is not luck but skill over time that makes this major +EV. Obviously the same can be said of any poker game.

I even scored a nice win on Bodog to keep my winnings intact after a rough run. So far basically treading water everywhere. Up a little on Bodog down a little on Full Tilt. No huge swing in either direction.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Poker Is a Joke

Please dearest Congress call me to testify that poker is all luck. I give up. Did you see the final table last night? Evy35 and Swimmom. Both the worst players ever in PLO. Evy because she admits she knows nothing about PLO and this was her first time playing or something. I actually think she played well for the five seconds I got to play before Surfucker put a baaaaaad beat on me. I have mentioned the other players propensity to swill man juice but a bigger fucking retarded player I have never seen. These two are the final table at the "Skillz" game? Just fucking shoot me now. Poker is so fucking taunting me.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

I quit

I think I need to quit all blogger games for a while. When idiots call 5% hands on the turn and actually hit them it is just too much. I know it is fun to suckout on me but if I can not dodge the retarded 5% out hands you idiots play then I just can not beat you. You win. No more blogger games. Cya never fuckers.

*** Just in case you want to know Surfuxus the genius calls my turn pot bet with a gutshot straight draw on a 2 flush board with me holding the nut straight and the nut flush redraw. SO two outs. Apparently this is enough. I can not believe when people told me he was an idiot I defended him. I guess I was wrong again.

Bloggers are Stupid

Oh god I am becoming Chad. Ick. I even dreamed I banged his wife the other day on the train. She was hot! WAIT! Do not worry man she was not cheating on you. We both had some acid and things got a little strange and you know how it is. Anyway I love all of you bloggers even if most of you suck at poker. Keep pushing and praying you bastards. Of course I think some bloggers are very good players. If you think I am talking about you then your probably right. I must be talking about you right? Oh well. Keep on trying your best. Someday you may Yang it. Good luck.

Friday, January 04, 2008

American Gladiator

Check out this chick.. she is the cute on on American Gladiator. Is this a Gladiator size camel toe? I think it might be. This chick though has a dick for sure? No? I am not positive but maybe.. Who is going to watch this show? Just wondering.

Also since people want to fade my picks.. I agree totally with Mookies picks and have placed money on a two-team parlay for Saturday. If that goes well I will do the same on Sunday.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Fucking Pussy Idiot Motherfuckers

I can not believe how I went out of the fucking Riverchasers. First I have 88 on a 456 flop and know Swimmom the fucking retarded bitch has nothing. So I bet 4k. She jams. I call and see she has nothing.. AQo. On the flop. All of her chips. Not just some. Not just many. Every single fucking chip she has. Fucking 30% is probably the best that cock swallowing bitch has ever gotten it in with. Goddamit.

Then some fucktard decided to rejam with A9 pre-flop. I mean what kind of fucking retarded play is that. I mean my raise and call with 77 was not the greatest play on earth I can admit that. Why the fucking hell would you think A9 was ahead of anything though? Of course the motherufkcing cocksucker hits a nine and I am out. From first to worst. I hate all of you cock sucking bastards. I hope you all get the lobotomies you are trying to save up for but can not because you keep fucking losing. You fucking donkey sucking assholes. Fuck off all of you.

I will beat this bitch!

First off I got the Wife to say "fuck" and "cock".. How hot is that? See nobody realizes that everything I do is part of a brilliant master plan. I am a genius!!! I can dodge bullets baby! If it was not for luck I would win them all!!!!

As for my presidential campaign I have to re-factor my current plans to become dictator of the world in order to run for president. I am willing to do it if I can get on the list though. Unless dictator of the world counts for the list too?

Last night all I can say is I played a brilliant second half. I zigged and zagged at the right times. I stole to keep in it. I avoided the weak aces and saw my opportunity. I knew this guy had some kind of fag ace with his 2k raise pre-flop. I knew when I jammed he would call. I also was pretty sure I would only have to fade 3-outs. Alas you can only play brilliant and the rest is up to the cards. I vow here and now that I will beat this 3k bitch to a bloody pulp. I will destroy her and make her my hoe bringing me home my pimp daddy dollars every night. It will happen soon. Count on it.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

OMFG

Cocksucking mother fucking cock rag poker wanna be motherfuckers Jesus Christ. I jam my tens with about 10bb left and a fucktard with AT calls me. Flop 227 and the turn is an Ace to fuck my ass just out of the money. Godamn stupid fucking people. How will they ever learn if they keep 3-outting me. Fucking 87% favorite after the flop and I can not take the god damn pot! It is not like it was a small pot either. A fucking 11k pot. With 44 people left. 36 people paying. 400/800 blinds. I could have gone deep with that. Fucking hate you all.

Buddy is Tilting Me

BuddyDank man you are so fucking killing me tonight. First off you play Seal??? Are you a fag? This could be part of why you can not get laid by women. If that is not enough, and the shit brown car does not do it, then it must be your cheap ass. I mean it is cool if you can not afford the restaurant but your never getting laid that way. So stop crying about it. How about you be a man and say "Hey bitch, were going to Jack-n-the-Box, my treat". Man up fag.

Then you pick on CK when she busts out???!?! You ass! You are so putting me on tilt tonight. I may laugh when the Steelers lose this weekend. heh. I still think your a good guy though. Stop tilting me though! Get Sean back too!!! You suck without him! Bastard!

Holy fuck what did you make me do! I have 990 chips left. I have KQ. I raise 160. I get two HUGE stacks to cold call me. A small 1k stack JAMS all in. So I call. One of the huge stacks call. How the fuck can I do that?!?! You tilted me!! I blame you!! So I am against AJ and 55.. not bad. I flop K22.. turn Q... river......... Q! BOOM!! THREE FUCKIN KAY! I am back in it baby!

I am cracking up now. I see Buddy get his second set in a fucking row the card rack!!! SO I call for an Ace and it hits on the river to smack Buddy down!! HAHAH! Sweet!

Kinda fun watching NewInNov beat the fuck out of Buddy. Making me laugh. I may get off tilt.

How does that retard Buddy catch sets every hand he plays? What the hell? Donk. Tilt setting in again.

Smokkee

I want to first off say that Tina the Love Elf played such a fucking good game of poker last night that I thought someone else was using her account. I mean she was fucking amazing. She was stealing and raising and bullying and folding and doing everything right. Apparently she fucked up and only took second but everything I saw her do was amazing. I have no idea who taught her to play poker since her style is totally opposite of Smokkee's weak ass push with crap style but I was impressed. Good job girl!!

I went out on another meh hand although most people probably will not fault me for this. I was in 7th place with seven left and at a dangerous table. The fucktards would call off entire stacks with hands like KQo and A9o and all kinds of shit. So the Goat raises in EP and PokerDave re-raises him. I look down and see pocket tens and have a choice. The blinds are 200/400 with ante and I have 5k left. I can fold. I can jam. Calling is not gonna be a choice. I had not seen Dave make many moves and gave him respect for a good hand. So I decided to jam all in praying for a race. He flipped up Kings and I went out.

I do not think this is the worst play ever. However I think I have a more base issue of getting too nervous towards the end and trying to force chips into my stack. I really get antsy when I get lowish in chips because a lot of what I like to do is play flops and try and get in with better than a coin flip. If I am really low I feel like I can not play any hands. I keep working on it anyways.

I still made the T$ which covered my buyin so the night was a basically a wash. On the good side I also get to make fun of Smokkee. On the bad side I stepped on one of my kids toys and ripped a hole in the bottom of my foot. It hurts. It is making me walk funny which is tweaking my knee which will probably collapse and send me to the hospital soon.

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