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A Listing of Tweets of Today’s Little Episode

Because I’m pretty sure I tweeted these so I wouldn’t have a more permanent record of the nightmare, and I probably need one.

<tweets>

Another early Tuesday morning reality shift. I dreamed my parents had found me, and I was back to appeasing my father so he wouldn’t kill us

My present life was twisted to my parents’ desires; they pressed me into quitting my job and going back to college, leaving them the house

and yet not letting me leave their lives, and while it’s not a dream most people would call a nightmare, it was to me. I woke up believing

it was true, even though it wasn’t. I managed to drag myself downstairs and make a bento, to prove to myself it wasn’t true, but of course

PTSD doesn’t run on logic. And as I tried to have a normal morning, I ended up texting a friend to see if they were real. They texted back

and I was so relieved I broke down into tears. I was already starting to hyperventilate before that anyways. Took a Xanax. Wasn’t fit to

drive into work, and now am at home. Reality shifted back after watching an episode of Mythbusters. Kind of just sitting here, rocking a bit

and that is where I now am. So. Kind of a bad morning.

</tweets>

The times when my reality twists happen appear to be on the Monday/Tuesday divide, regardless of whether or not I worked on Monday. It doesn’t always happen, but this is the pattern when it does happen. Might be tied to my father’s cycles of violence on a weekly basis when I was younger, might not be.

I’m not sick but I’m not well
And I’m so hot ’cause I’m in hell
I’m not sick but I’m not well
And it’s a sin to live so well

Puzzling over whether I want to turn off time and kill my mind (temporarily) because while life stabilized a bit, I keep having bad moments.

In a way, this is more normal than what was happening all through Christmas and unto New Year’s, which was at times experienced at the level of 3 cuils and often a couple levels beyond. This episode maxed out at somewhere around 2.5 cuils and not more, although I have had episodes during moderately normal times that hit at least 5.