This will also provide you with the information on how to annihilate that addiction so hard that you will never ever come back to us!

Now you are probably wondering:

Why quit Uncyclopedia, I'm happy here?

Here is your long awaited answer you have been trying to avoid for so long: you are missing out on the good things in life because of your basement-dwelling lifestyle. Because you are dependent like a crack whore you do not have a girlfriend, you do not have a job, you do not have friends and most importantly you do not have a future. But all of that is about to change.

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This poor soul is addicted, he needs help. Are you gonna help him? HUH?!

It is just the case with all extremelybadhabits: the first step to getting over your addiction is admitting that you have a problem. A huge one. So if you're reading this right now because you know you are totally hooked on this website, take some deep breaths before uttering this very clearly:

I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO UNCYCLOPEDIA, I NEED HELP.

As simple as that! See now don't you feel so much better for admitting it? Now if you feel strong enough to continue, you should carry on to step 2. If you aren't strong enough to continue on to step two, man the fuck up!

A group of Uncyclopedia Addicts, discussing their problems with each other, led by a recovering addict.

You should realize that there are people out there who share your pain and suffering. There are those people that have been transfixed by Uncyclopedia, themselves and have beaten their addiction. You too can share your story and learn from those that can share their own personal experience on how to beat that excruciating dependency.

These community circle groups are lead by trained professionals and recovering addicts who know what it's like to be hooked to Uncyclopedia and will support you through it all! Don't worry as we sit once weekly and discuss our issues with leaving the site and how to overcome these, even the most addicted of users is welcome to join.

We set our new addicts reasonable and helpful goals to help them break the need to use Uncyclopedia. We guarantee a 95% success rate with recovering our addicts.

Quitting Uncyclopedia in one fell swoop is very hard. At UA they understand this and do not pressure you to give up your hours on Uncyclopedia in one go. They encourage gradual cut downs from Uncyclopedia, from say twelve hours a day to a more subtle ten hours a day.

Once you have reduced those hours from the twelve hours we suggested down to a total of say four hours a day you're ready for the next step in breaking your addiction to Uncyclopedia:

This teenage boy has finally realized there are other sites on the web, not just Uncyclopedia!

UA understands that once you have thrown Uncyclopedia in the trash can for good, you may want to do something rather than stare at your ceiling all day. So they have have deciced to provide you with a list of alternatives to Uncyclopedia:

As said earlier, 5% of users re-offend so pay close attention, you don't want to be in that minority! To make sure you're completely over Uncyclopedia, go back to it for a while and laugh at the people who are still on the site pissing their life away. Set yourself a time limit to use the site, and if you can click that cross in the right hand corner when you tell yourself to, you're over your Uncyclopedia abuse and we congratulate you!

If you couldn't click it, I'm sorry but you are a repeat offender and we have certain methods of dealing with you weaklings! Ok but seriously if you keep coming back to Uncyclopedia for more, you should go back and repeat steps one to five again and see if this helps you get over it. If you still can't quit Uncyclopedia, I regret to inform you that you have no life, you are adopted and Nobody Cares about your problems any more.