Opposition leader Bill Shorten crashes Australian Labor Party

Bill Shorten is confirmed to have crashed the Labor Party, inside sources say.

The MP’s assistant confirmed that the Labor Party stalled and finally fell into a hole it dug for itself some time over the weekend.

img credit = guardian UK

A caller to 2GB Radio noted that the crash was most likely caused by a spill, and another anonymous source suggested that wearing an outdated, lazy form of protection nicknamed ‘not being Tony Abbott’ offered no protection against the impact. This is despite Bill being warned over and over again that he may need to take more proactive safety measures such as letting someone else drive.

It is understood that muslims, students, the unemployed, women, people who enjoy internet above 2mbit speeds, and anyone else who doesn’t own a coal mine will all suffer lasting damage from this crash.