NEWS

In one of the most surprising (and most bizarre) headlines of the day, it appears as though the lead singer of a clown-themed Iron Maiden tribute band tried to smuggle $7 million worth of drugs into Japan.

As Exclaim! explains, the singer, Daniel Whitmore, was arrested at Tokyo's Narita International Airport on December 11. He was caught attempting to smuggle nearly 10 kilograms worth of stimulant drugs in a guitar case and tea canisters, and if you ask us, that's just plain foolish.

If he's convicted, he'll face 10 years in prison.

And honestly, we're not sure what's weirder—the situation, or the band's statment. Read their, well, interesting statement in full below:

Flags are flying half mast at the Powerclown circus tent. I assure you, any frowns we are wearing are real. Painted on or not. All we can do is hope for the best for him. Clownery and parlour tricks, whether by him or us ain't gonna do no good. Even with his voice, the voice of a songbird, and his velvet-painting-smooth charm, he wont be able to talk his way out of these hijinks, even if he did speak Japanese. While none of us clowns condone Dicksee's actions, or recommend anyone else attempting something this foolish, we do hope for the best for our grease-painted pal. We hope that by some small...make that large...miracle, he somehow manages to slide into his cock-pink pants and dance himself back home to face this different form of music he has created for himself. We love you Dicksee. If you somehow make it back here, and we hope you do, we may even go easy on you. Maybe. No promises.

-Sketchy Klown

"He wont be able to talk his way out of these hijinks, even if he did speak Japanese." Yeah, this is all too bizarre for us.