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Fit? Healthy? Moi?

Somehow, 16 pounds are gone. Where they went is beyond me. I can tell a little difference, but when you need to lose over a hundred pounds, 16 seems so…paltry.

It’s been challenging. Eating out is almost impossible. And I have to admit that we have been reliant on quick service restaurants. When you work all night, wake up to study, then head to campus to study more, sit in class for hours, getting home at 9 pm….This has been easier since I’m on break from classes, but I need to be sure to research ways to stay ahead of the healthy eating when my final semester starts up in the fall.
Our “treat” is Chipotle. I get a chicken burrito bowl with brown rice, lettuce, and both mild and corn salsa, then split it in half with Zach. John gets his completely meatless with 2 kinds of beans, the salsas, brown rice, lettuce, with no cheese or sour cream. We’ve been doing that once a week. Other than that, whole grains, fresh veggies, only the leanest meats…
What is interesting to me is that, as we do this more, I am accidentally learning new tricks. The other day, I was craving waffles. We had low-fat wheat waffles in the freezer, but I had no sugar-free syrup, completely forgetting it at the grocery store. Instead, I toasted the 2 waffles (140 cal) and spread them with low-fat Laughing Cow cream cheese spread (45 cal) and a tablespoon of low-cal organic strawberry preserves (45 cal). This is now my new favorite breakfast, tastes more like dessert, and is only 230 calories. This adds room, for mornings when I am starving, to add something else without wrecking the calorie/ nutrition count.

I have also learned that I have no endurance left, which was a big surprise. I spent years of my life swimming. I walk all over a big hospital for 13 hours a night. I guess I just always thought it was still in there somewhere. Nope. Years and years of not taking care of myself has resulted in that loss. So on Day One of the whole exercise thing, I got myself ready, laced up my cute new running shoes (see above, but ignore the cankles), and headed out the door. Within about 1 minute, I was sweating and winded.

Have I ever mentioned I hate being sweaty? I mean, this really is why swimming is my thing. If you’re doing it right, you can literally feel the heat coming off of your muscles. But cool water washes the sweat away so you don’t feel it. There is nothing like a good, hard, cleansing swim. Problem is, if I tried to swim a puny 50 right now, I would likely drown. So I am using that as a goal. We are joining our local YMCA, which has both indoor and outdoor pools. When I build enough endurance. I’m digging out the old Speedo and splurging on some new pro goggles and off I go. But in the meantime, I am stuck sweating and doing the hard work. I must admit I’m not a big fan.

Smoking. Ahhhhh. I have been smoke-free for 7 days. One whole week. I just took a deep breath, and it felt really good. John says he is proud of me. I am proud of me. Other than pregnancy-induced quitting, I have never gotten this far. I keep catching myself saying ” I’m trying to quit”. No, I have quit. I am a non-smoker. Saying that makes me cry. I have wanted to be able to do this for such a long, long time. I’ve had my moments this week. There was the one day where all I wanted in life was a damned cigarette and pizza. John and I spent hours on the internet looking for options that would allow us to do this. Wheat crust? Light sauce? Veggies with no meat? Half the cheese? Hell, we even tried no cheese, which John said would be a cracker with veggies on it, and the saturated fat was still too high. I went to bed that night seriously pissed at the world. We did find one place that makes healthy pies, but a large pizza is over $40. If it were that healthy, maybe. Or maybe for date night or something. But not for a random Wednesday. Not when I would have to buy a second pizza because the kiddos wouldn’t eat from ours. And Zach would die if we got pizza without breadsticks. By the time we were finished, a hundred dollars would be gone. On pizza. On that random Wednesday. Call me a cheapskatebut, ummmm, no.

There are 2 more major problem areas for me. Mochas and water.

I really don’t like water. I’ve added everything and anything to it, which makes it good. That’s all great. But I prefer my Diet Mt. Dew. I haven’t cut it out completely yet. The fast food, the junk food, the smoking…all of that gone. I just cannot part with my DMD yet. I am limiting though. 1 soft drink a day. Water the rest of the time. Before, we would go through a 12-pack a day, so even this is a major change. But I don’t know if I can cut it completely off. And mochas. Oh, holy bejeezus. Have you looked at the nutrition content? I didn’t. It’s a drink, for crying out loud. Even the nonfat variety isn’t great. I could deal with that as a sub. But damn. I can’t have either, and I have a $15 a day coffee habit when school is in session. Really. And the coffee shop in the College of Biz smells so fucking good. Liquid crack. So I have to train myself to like black coffee. Gradually.

So I have a lot of work to do. I keep telling myself that, while it is sad, it is completely true that nobody takes fat women seriously. So for John’s heart, but also for my future….