Thursday, June 16, 2005

a manual for "being there for somebody"

how do i start this?

"this" is a cup of coffee and fresh baked muffins in bed for breakfast. made by the best friend. "this" is finding the time. not trying to say or do the right things, not rushing you, not offering solutions, not being scared of my tears. "this" is saying "come sit next to me, tell me about your day". no psychoanalysis of the situation, no bashing of the other person. not saying really anything, just not rushing and listening is the "this".

i always thought that "being there for someone" means knowing the answers and knowing the right things to say and having the explanations and making everything fine. i am learning what being a friend means. or, i should say, i am experiencing it first hand. it's taking the time. my family has always been more of a "fast food" relationship. tastes good, but there is no sitting down, getting the good nutrients and you're always rushed. it was all about "i will make the money to support the family and buy the next nice car and if i have the time in between to sit and listen to you, then we'll do that. if not, then you have to understand that i am making sacrifices for all of our sake".

this feels like mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey and corn and beans and the apple pie with whipped cream in the end. this feels like "you will take YOUR time, put YOUR things aside for ME??!!" the thing about it is, that it is so unusual that at first it's almost hard to do that because i feel like i need to quickly get it out, before the next thing starts and you need to go. but the next thing doesn't start for you, even if it does you put it aside for me. you are still there, available. you are not making a big deal out of anything, you are still there. YOU ARE STILL THERE!!!! YOU ARE STILL THERE!!!!!!!!!!!