where true CHANGE happens + worry melts away

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Thank You that time means very little to you, and your patience never runs out.

Thank You for the power of prayer to change everything.

You are all that matters, and yet I’ve taken so little time to be with You these past few months.

Thank You for loving me just the same whether I spend all day in prayer or no time at all.

Thank You for being so perfect, and for loving me so profoundly.

Please help me to take the time to be with You, to bask in You, to learn Your ways, to be Your disciple, to do Your work, to share Your crazy love with a crazy lonely world. Please help me to master my day with a disciplined schedule.

In Jesus’ tender name I pray,

amen.

p.s. Thank You SO so so so much for the book Psychotic Inertia by Patrick Dodson, and how much that has helped to clear up the contradictions that were keeping me clogged!!!

Abba, thank You for the visceral picture You brought into my life this week with the concept of who’s on the throne of my heart. In Mike Evans’ Prayer Power and Purpose, he describes a pamphlet from the 60’s titled “The Four Spiritual Laws,” in which two diagrams show what life is like with Self on the throne of our hearts vs. Christ on the throne. I went online and found the images that go with it:

This hit me hard. That first diagram of Self on the throne just needs to be tweaked a bit to represent my life. The cross is actually inside the circle, along with all the other interests, and there are thousands more dots than the ones shown here. As Evans says in the book, the first diagram shows “all the little… dots representing the things in one’s life creating utter chaos.” Um, hello. This is your wake-up call. I’ve been feeling so very overwhelmed, frustrated, and chaotic lately. I know that I have too many interests and creative projects and that I can’t quite seem to get organized and caught up. But I still have the DESIRE to have YOU on the throne of my life. I don’t in any way want to be on the throne. I know very well that I’m not qualified for that job. I never meant to take over, and now I don’t know how to get You back on the throne!

Evans goes on to describe the second diagram “with all of the little… dots having straight lines radiating out from the center like rays emanating out from the sun as in a child’s drawing.” That sounds so beautiful. That’s what I want my life to feel like. I don’t want to be chaotically pursuing 10,000 interests and leaving You to be just one of my many hobbies!!! I want to be the sunshine radiating Your presence and having my interests ordered and directed by You!

Please show me what I need to do. I lay my life at Your feet. I humble myself completely. I step down off of that throne that I didn’t even realize I was sitting on, and I apologize profusely. Forgive me, for I knew not what I was doing. It was never my intention to dethrone You. I’m just a broken and confused human doing the best I know how to do. Please take the throne again. Order my interests the way You want them. I trust You completely. Thank You so so much for this lesson, and please show me how to keep You on the throne and keep my Self in check. I’ll be on the lookout for chaos (as a sign that my Self has once again claimed the throne) and expecting peace and harmony in its place. What a difference! I receive Your peace, and I trust that I’m in harmony with You now. Thank You!!!