John W. James

Where were you when I needed you?

The saddest question we ever hear is, "Where were you when I needed you?"

That's what people ask when they find out what we do in helping grievers. We're presenting helpful and accurate information on this site, at the time you need it most, with the hope that you'll never need to ask that question.

It's an honor and a sad privilege to be addressing you, knowing that each of you has recently experienced the death of someone important to you. We also know some of you are reading this because of your care and concern for someone who is confronted by the death of someone important in their life.

We bring our personal experience in dealing with the deaths of people who were important to us, and our professional know-how in helping grievers for more than 30 years. We'll help you distinguish between the "raw grief" that is your normal and natural reaction to the death, and the equally normal "unresolved grief" that relates to the unfinished emotions that are part of the physical ending of all relationships.

A basic reality for most grieving people is difficulty concentrating or focusing. With that in mind, we asked Tributes.com to print our articles in a large type font to make them easier to read. Sharing our concern for grieving people, they agreed.

Ask The Grief Experts

I have regrets thinking about removing life support - maybe there would have been a miracle. (Published 4/7/2015)

Q:

My father had to be taken off life support as he was classified as "no brain function" after suffering a heart attack. I have regrets thinking maybe there would have been a miracle. My siblings are at peace with the situation, but after many years, I cant seem to move forward. What can I do?

A Grief Expert Replies:

Dear Anon,

Thanks for your note and question.

Sadly, many people find themselves trapped in doubt about decisions they made in the past—especially in this situation.

It’s also not uncommon for there to be differences between family members about what is—or looking back—at what was the right thing at the time.

But knowing that it happens a lot really doesn’t help you.

It’s true that nobody can tell you absolutely that a miracle couldn’t or wouldn’t have happened. But we’d guess that’s not really the issue. We think that your doubts are more based on your broken heart and on missing your father.

What you can do is go to the library or bookstore and get a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. Read it and take the actions it outlines. As you do, we think your questioning of what was done and your regrets will subside, and with it will come the ability to retain fond memories of your father.

At Tributes.com we believe that Every Life has a Story that deserves to be told and preserved.

Tributes.com is the online source for current local and national obituary news and a supportive community where friends and family can come together during times of loss and grieving to honor the memories of their loved ones with lasting personal tributes.