Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Let the New Year Psychotherapy Begin

I am not one to make resolutions for the New Year. I do, however, use the turning of the year to examine myself and my life. This year, it is clear there is one behavior--perhaps a personality trait--I should modify. I have been pondering over this issue for the last several months, and it’s time to act.

My problem is that I shy away from confrontation. It isn’t all types of confrontation, and I haven’t yet defined the problem area, but there are times I back off when I should act. Usually, this backing away occurs with people for whom I am a supervisor, with my spouse, or with my kids, though my reluctance is not strictly limited to that group.

One issue may be that I want people to like me. When I was younger, I was very shy, so that may be a factor. Certainly, none of the people involved could hurt me or damage my life, so it isn’t a fear of retaliation.

I want to know why there is this feeling in me that causes me to back away from confrontation. I don’t mind if others confront me. I think I’m pretty good about receiving criticism, and determining what is valid and what isn’t. I even enjoy bickering and arguing about little things (usually with my brother and father; my wife hates it).

But I often let problems continue for too long simply because I won’t speak up. For example, I had been noticing that my secretary was not performing very well, particularly because she had been making a lot of personal telephone calls. I am her supervisor, and it is my job to address the issue. I had the most difficult time getting myself to confront her about her performance.

At the moment, I don’t know any other way to work on this issue other than to try to be aware of my feelings and where they’re coming from, and then to force myself to do what needs to be done. I hope that the more I act decisively, the more I will train myself to act that way the next time.

This site uses third-party advertising companies to serve ads. These companies may use information (not including your name, address, email address, or telephone number) about your visits to this and other websites in order to provide advertisements about goods and services of interest to you. If you would like more information about this practice and to know your choices about not having this information used by these companies, click here.