Scruffy Men Surprise and Dresses Look Like Shower Curtains at the Grammys

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The first- and second-place finishers in the hotly contested Best Homage to Chinese New Year category were Beyoncé’s outfit and Bai Ling’s shins.Photo: Getty Images

The Grammys were a snoozer artistically (for more on that, see Vulture) and so, sadly, were the outfits. We thought music award shows were a time for celebs to wear all that stuff they’re not supposed to wear! Is it too much to ask for a nipple pasty here and there? Or a 17-year-old to unveil her “I’m bad” phase with fresh piercings and beeswaxed hair? Apparently, it is. Instead we got a couple of great outfits, a few terrible ones, and a lot that fell somewhere in between. Of those, way too many (i.e. Beyoncé’s) looked like shower curtains. Nevertheless, here are our awards for Grammys fashion:

On the left, Miley Cyrus’s skirt won for Best Bathroom tiles. On the right, Sylvie Chavez fluffy, no doubt tactile mini provided the evening’s Best Excuse for Ass-Grabbing.Photo: Getty Images

Nelly Furtado, left, was Most in Need of a Root Touch-up, while Natasha Bedingfield had the Strangest Bang Styling.Photo: Getty Images

Dee Dee Bridgewater had the night’s Best Lionfish Costume. John Legend’s pseudo–period outfit made him Most in Need of a Horse and a Lance.Photo: Getty Images

Most Unwelcome Boobs is always a favorite Grammys category; this year, Brooke Hogan was the clear winner. Meanwhile, we’re not sure who Paramore is, but they definitely had the Most Unnecessary Socks.Photo: Getty Images

Rihanna had a great new do, which made her an extra-deserving winner of the Dress That Needs a Trim award. Feist, on the other hand, won the Look That Only the Wearer Could Pull Off award. We like the outfit, but anyone else would look like a frump in it.Photo: Getty Images

It seems that John Mayer discovered showers, and the result was Most Unexpectedly Foxy. Equally surprising: Rugged rapper Ludacris wore the evening’s Best Suit.Photo: WireImage, Getty Images

Who knew tinsel and a shower curtain could make such a happy pairing? Opera star Katherine Jenkins wins Prettiest Dress.Photo: Getty Images