11/20/09

The "Chicken Selects Defense"

I know there is nothing funny about this story. But it defies explanation.Diane Schuler was this woman in New York who allegedly drove drunk and killed eight people in a wrong-way crash. She too was killed. Horrific tragedy.

Her family, who contends she was NOT high or drunk when she was killed, is being sued... and their lawyer contends that Diane could NOT have been drunk or high! Why? She gave a VERY COMPLICATED order at the McDonalds Drive Thru just before the crash.

Um. Yes. That's right.The attorney says that she ordered chicken selects during breakfast time - which ANY McDonalds connoisseur, (moi) can tell you they don't sell in the morning. BUT the lawyer says Diane KNEW that... and the fact that she was lucid enough to beg for the chicken selects is proof enough she wasn't trippin.'

I was distraught when McDonald's first introduced the Chicken Selects - touting them as more 'real' meat (or something like that.) WHA? I like my processed McNuggets, thank you - don't rub your fancy white meat selects in my face.

About Me

I'm a Journalist and standup comic.
I create and appear in television and web media.
I've been seen on NBC, MSNBC, United Airlines in flight TV. (and some other more unusual fodder, including a 'how-to' video where I teach people how to wrap glassware for moving...I mean, really - it's essentially rolling glasses in paper... you can't make that stuff up!)
I own more than two hundred cookbooks, but use the same five all the time, and even those are often abandoned in favor of epicurious.com.
I design art and interiors for both friends and actual clients.
I've spoken to Major Universities and NYC corporations about media and publicity.
I am embarassed by many of the songs on my IPOD, and can't resist a Nacho flavored Slim Jim.
I drink up to eight diet cokes a day.