“Beware: Hordes of Devils Plague Craigslist Listings in South Dakota!”

9/14/15 Sioux Falls, SD. By Devin Saxon. What to call them — a curse from hell? An abomination to humanity? A plethora of damnation? Nothing seems fitting enough attempting to label these sick devious bastards currently swarming Sioux Falls rental ads on Craigslist. What do they desire other than preying on good souls, sucking blood, and stealing the hard earned money sweated out by struggling families with less than desirable credit? Only the devil knows, but one thing is certain: they all deserve a slow excruciating torture into oblivion. It’s time to meet the first poor excuse for human life on my list, a nit-wit from New York attempting to rent out a house for sale located at 222 S. Lyndale Ave. in Sioux Falls. She claims that her name is Holly L. Cisneros and that she is “hard of hearing” and unable to make conversation over the phone. Holly, or so she says, goes on to explain that the reason her house is still listed on the market as “for sale” is that her agent was “inflating the price” and that she is “not after money.”

“I am hearing impaired.. and I am very new to this landlord business. We are not after money.” – Scammer posing as Home Owner

The next Red Flag from this dope was that no address was listed on the Craigslist Ad, only the title, “$550/2Bdr – 890sqft Comfortable and Fenced Backyard Single Family Home for Rent (Sioux Falls).” Only after my initial e-mail to this pathetic individual, was the address ever revealed — a tale tell sign that a scammer does not want the real homeowner to see the bogus rental ad. This failure at life then proceeded to cook up the greatest rental deal I’ve ever seen:

“All utilities included which include cable, gas, electric, water, and lawn removal… There is a washer and dryer in the 2 bedroom house (FOR $550) pets are also welcome. You can go by the house and see the neighborhood anytime you want… you might even look inside through the window, I could have come over to show you myself , but I am out of town, that is why I gave you the address. ” – World’s Dumbest Scam-Artist

The ultimate Red Flag finally came in not longer after replying to what may be the least thought of rental questionnaire form of all time, where this vermin hell spawn detailed the manner in which she was expecting me to go about paying the security deposit and 1st months rent while she was “out of town.”

“I already told you I am not around for now. I am on a business trip… I am sorry I couldn’t show you the inside myself. I will surely love you to secure the house by paying the security deposit and once the payment is received, I will have the keys sent to you. You will send the payment via MoneyGram or Walmart to Walmart money transfer to my secretary, and after the payment as been confirmed, I will have the keys and other documents sent to you via FEDEX in 24hrs.” – Epitome of Failure

Holly goes on to give me her secretary’s info for the money order she would “love” for me to send her:

“Below is my secretary info you will need in sending the money.

Name is Maxine Youngs

Address is 2651 N Harwood St,

City is Elmira

State is New York

Zip code is 14903

NOTE: After signing the papers, scan it and send it back to me, also make sure you scan the receipt of the payment. I mean the receipt from money transfer, I want to use it for record keeping.” -Thinks South Dakotans Were All Born Yesterday

It didn’t take long for this genius to get called out…And just when you think a scammer couldn’t get any more idiotic and obtuse, along comes this nimrod — who doesn’t even have the common courtesy of teasing me a little at least first before getting straight to the point:

“The house is still available but presently I’m not around… I have to move quickly down to Africa to have my company set up… the price we are offering is far below standard price, this is enough for you to know we are not after a rental fee. P.S: YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO VIEW THE INTERIOR PART OF THE HOUSE BECAUSE I HAVE THE KEYS HERE WITH ME.” -Runner Up to the Dumbest Scammer Alive attempting to rent out the property at 806 N. Wayland Ave. in Sioux Falls

I proceeded to ask this fool, a degenerate going by the name Pat Austin, how I was to go about getting the keys while he was situated across the ocean in Africa — to which he replied that he would send them to me “after I fill out the application.”

“You’d almost have to be crazy not to trust that response from Craigslist — emailed from Africa,” said no sane person ever! Apparently Mr. Austin forgot the first 8 semesters of scammer school, but at least people like Pat and Holly (a.k.a. Maxine Youngs) are keeping alive a reason why burning witch’s at the stake should be re-examined as acceptable behavior. I decree that since planet Earth seems to be taking prerogative in thinking that South Dakota is reek with medieval intellect, perhaps no one would notice should we reinstitute public burnings for Craigslist Witches currently scamming humanity with impunity?

6-18-15 Sioux Falls, SD By Devin Saxon. It has been well known for all ages of time that the Demon Code strictly forbids the devil from declining a Rock-Off Challenge, and in retaliation for the devastation brought against the good people of Delmont, SD the devil has officially been summoned to appear to face the wrath of South Dakota rock!The showdown will be held at Bigs Sports Bar on w. 12th St in Sioux Falls, SD on June 21st at 7 p.m. sharp. Five noble bands will be featured at the event to challenge satan on stage including Bobaflex, Seventh Calling, Aggrovent, Adaptsis, and Tons of ‘Em. If the devil loses he will be forced to pay everybody’s rent in Delmont, SD whose homes he had destroyed. WE absolutely can NOT let the devil win because if he does he will be taking Cage from the band Tenacious D back to hell with him to be his, “little bitch.” Help Support These Noble Bands and the People of Delmont, SD! Don’t let the devil get away with trashing our state and denying us FEMA disaster relief. We must defeat him with our ROCK once and for all!

“South Dakotans Forced to Dip into Local Coffers to Pay for The Lewis and Clark Project”

4-4-15 Sioux Falls, SD By Devin Saxon. While sporting his mockup farmer’s tan, looking sharp on the cover of Politico.com, South Dakota’s suave pick for Senate, the Murdo native and godly gift to all of South Dakota, U.S. Senator John Thune, gallantly hammers away at his microphone, patriotically worrying for the sake of all 800,000 South Dakotans residing nationwide, about funding yet another Homeland Security bill. Cleverly never-minding that our supposed ‘Homeland Security’ is being run by a federal bureaucracy that had virtually not even existed prior to 2003, nobly ignoring statements made by our own local officials that, in the foreseeable future, South Dakota faces dismal risks of any likely terrorist attacks, sophisticatedly forgetting historical facts such as NO terrorists attacks having ever occurred anywhere near South Dakota since the Massacre at Wounded Knee over a hundred years ago, and humbly overlooking that South Dakota has already received more Homeland Security grant money per resident than all but 5 other states across the country, including New York, California, Virginia, and Maryland; so much so that even the 12 year old Homeland Security Department has found within itself the nerve to criticize the free citizens of this once-free state, for conservatively not spending our awarded grant money to militarize local law enforcement fast enough, an amount granted totaling thus far to over $100,000,000, is it any wonder then that our homely supposedly elected U.S. Senator, the highly honorable Murdo native John Thune, in serving the great people of South Dakota, saw himself justly fit in using another limelight opportunity, as the #3 in the GOP, to NOT discuss providing a measly $12.5 million in federal grant money towards completing the Lewis and Clark project? now ongoing for over 15 years, and comparatively amounting to only an 1/8th of what South Dakota had received for our ‘Homeland Security?’ a project which when is finally completed will furnish safe access to drinking water for tens of thousands of rural South Dakotans?

Thankfully, while his majesty John Thune’s Homeland Security Department was busy using collected income taxes from South Dakotan residents to build a Fusion Center for the purposes of spying on small business owners, South Dakota’s state legislature took it upon themselves to finally finance constructing the Lewis and Clark project into Madison, supplying millions of gallons of water to local residents throughout the area. Although South Dakotan’s are footing the bill for this project out of the Dakota’s own Treasury, federal officials insist that their Fusion Center, paid for by income taxes collected out of the pockets of local residents, protects South Dakota from a historically documented terrorist-cell inflicted casualty rate of ZERO, held by South Dakota since 1890; and of course none of that apparently matters to the ever never-minding nature of John Thune, fittingly detailed by only a few simple words spoken akin to an un-fabled twin of Forrest Gump, “I sa-w Thu-ne o-nce in grade schoo-l when he was our Represent-ative… and that’s all I have to say about that.”

Palmer Drought Index

According to a report made by the Department of Homeland Security, South Dakota stands as a major risk of producing “lone-wolf” terrorists, potentially white supremest in nature, attacking uranium mines and yet to be built international oil pipelines buried throughout the state, however, according to every military strategist known to man-kind, it is the stifling of an enemies access to water, and in turn their availability of food, which delivers the death blow to an enemy’s forces, while minimally hampering the transmission of a nation’s oil supply, through just one isolated region, would only temporarily be economically damaging to a select few civilians’ pocketbooks, and would be realistically ineffective from a military standpoint. If the Capital City, backed by Prefect Thune, is purposely withdrawing resources from South Dakotans’ incomes, and are forcing local residents to provide substantially more of their hard earned money to fund basic community projects such as ones that provide safe and plentiful access to drinking water to hundreds of thousands of South Dakotan’s statewide, and in this treachery it becomes evident that federal government is purposely dragging out the construction of critical local infrastructure for over 15+ years, then Washington D.C. is effectively using tactics a foreign invader would use immediately preceding them overtaking an indigenous population through force, and in doing so federal bureaucrats are essentially considering the humble, peaceful people of South Dakota as an enemy of their rouge Capital City, ultimately becoming clear that it should be expected that Washington D.C. is currently preparing for the transition of an already established asymmetric warfare strategy towards a more aggressive, and direct, full on occupational campaign, progressing into the marching of paramilitary federally labelled ‘peace-keepers’ straight into permanently patrolling our neighborhoods and families throughout the heartland.

Either it is that the Capital City and the Federal Government are entirely incompetent in knowing where a hypothetical terrorist threat would strike, so much so that they are essentially endangering the livelihoods of South Dakotans through the immoral confiscation of our local communities’ resources for the pointless purposes of constructing facilities that serve nothing but to aimlessly record local residents’ personal information on Facebook, and to militarize a local police force that hasNEVER been the target of a terrorist strike, all while certain quality projects that our federal income tax dollars could have gone to instead, had they stayed in local hands and been put to substantially far more effective use, not to mention, far, far more cheaply, all by simply modernizing our agriculturally driven countryside’s water supply, simultaneously answering the wishes of the local population, either it is that all these coincidences are negligently going ignored by the fedcoats on an account of a fluke; or it is that the United States’s Vichy occupied federal government and Capital City are in fact themselves the true terrorist threat, in perfect disguise cataloging free citizens’ profiles, using National Security Agency assets to provide reconnoissance on innocent civilians’ various participations within the typical American society, identifying specific vigilant citizens deemed likely to be uncooperative in the near future and likely to be engaging in undesired political dissidence of the Capital City’s growing parasitic status, in full coordination with the Fed working feverishly to isolate dissenters, to stomp out all forms of sedition, and to trample over all other decent human beings happily living within the captured State of South Dakota under the demented guise of labeling them first as high level threats, before predictably recommending such targets for their unfortunately prompt, and systematic exterminations, likewise as is in what any terrorist-cell insurgency would do as they strategically pick peaceful opposition off one at a time, and likewise is what this current domestic threat is doing now to this very day. Considering the conditions of Michigan and California, both harboring shorelines alongside vast bodies of water, yet both are suffering major shortages of that essential resource, it becomes quite obvious that all this is purposely orchestrated in preparation of an organized, malevolent stifling of the entire nation’s safe access to drinking water, alienating the people away from the individual states, and creating artificial dependancies on the Capital City, Washington D.C., which in turn will most certainly demand more revenue from inflation and income taxes, to stack even more politicians into the Vichy government pyramid, build even more federal fusion centers, nationalize more land away from the people, and militarize even more local police forces, until a full textbook case of pure warfare in the asymmetric persuasion is achieved, and America’s rallying cry, “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” is violated by traitors, forgotten, and re-written by this new conquering terrorist-cell of insurgents currently occupying our federal administrative buildings in Washington D.C. as, “the land of the Capital City, and the home of the New World Order,” of whom are undoubtedly America’s actual current and present danger.

Empowered by international money changers, and the federal employees abiding them for nothing more than stacks of cut-out rectangles made out of pieces of paper, this real domestic threat is currently, and maliciously, pulling on all of the levers of the USA’s grid; plainly viewable but cleverly hidden, fate will surely witness this new den of vipers and thieves all ushered into total, utter failure, and by the eternal, may God have mercy on all of their damned souls! For when a new spirit of 1776 rises again in heated arms, and that breeze of awareness sweeps down our beautiful countryside to renew once more those many struggles for freedom fought for by our forefathers, through the hearts and minds of today’s great patriots occupying this liberty loving nation, and as foretold by America’s timeless prophetic victories against that beast of injustice, evil will roam at it’s leisure here never more, freedom for all will rise again to reign supreme over our glorious lands, and fearlessly, freedom will continue on it’s mission through hell or high water, sprinting ahead always to battle the countless evils of this damsel world in full charge! Destined forever to be in this timeless pursuit, the honor of American strength and courage will stride out gallantly, forever fighting onward until all the devil’s tedious fits of corruption are ostracized and banished to hell fire so far, and deep, that a scope of true liberty finally rings out across this entire planet called Earth with such vibrance that only soaring eagles and roaring winds could ever have dreamt it; our plights only stopping momentarily to rest when the ghost of General Washington himself appears from the clouds, beckoning down below, bellowing proudly upon us in full salute, “God Bless You America! Our Great Country’s Undying Mission Has Now Been Completed, Semper- Fi!”