Great Adventure Rider product

Well for all of us hardcore adventure riders that frequent the site I figure you would benefit from the great research think tank that's taking shape in Venice California.

Due to some surgery I’ve been attached to a curious instrument. At first my pecker was all excited as strange hands on my nether region usually indicates a good time is forthcoming. My little pecker was basking in visions of debauchery on soi six in Pattaya but instead was sadly, being manhandled by some doctors. A rude awakening and all that blood rushing for nothing, tis a shame I thought. Especially as that may have been the last time all the blood rushed so to speak.

Anyway back to the topic. Post surgery a few days now, and with the Vicoden turning me into a dribbling-down-my-chin mess, the environment was ripe for some productive deliberation and my brain was off and running. Well off may be more accurate.

So we all love to put miles on our bikes during our rides and things that take away from such a productive activity borders on sacrilegious. As those that have ridden with our beloved Captain Slash are aware, pee breaks cut into riding time. So I’ll be marketing this product as the Anti-Slasher to honor our resident hardcore rider Senior Captain Slash that we all know and love.

Look at it this way, combined with the Camelbak, the Anti-Slasher free's up the entire time wasted stopping for Slash and drink breaks.

If you are really smart you can load all the fuel you need ala BackdoorPhil and never need to stop anywhere, just whoosh on by all the gas stations, imbibing in your favorite beverage as the aftermath dribbles discreetly down your leg collecting in our highly touted reservoir. You can place the bag wherever needed to add weight. In Rainy season the bag is fastened over the rear wheel for traction in the wet.

Or for those like Honda Honky, Trailboss or whatever his handle is now (Luke) that are forever losing their front wheel going round corners you can strap it to the front fender for added front end bite.

And not the front end bite you get at the Star of Light in Patpong, the Anti-Slasher is cheaper and lasts longer….hopefully. Guarenteed to improve your riding capabilities and free up much needed valuable time on yer rides.

Think of the time saved not having to argue with Noi at the Som Tam stand that you wanted her to make the stuff quickly ("Leo Leo"), and not the Leo beer she brought you. You can be piped directly to your beverage of choice with no faffing about and take a leak quite effectively and stealthfully all the while trying to peer down Noi's top. A proper usage of time I say.

Anyway We the corporate behemouth of.....erm.....FTB productions welcomes any and all updates, tips, or modifications needed on the product design before our final production is begun.

I reckon the bag snagging is part of the allure of the well researched Anti-Slasher. Lets say you've had a few romps down the illustrious Soi Six and are feeling fully fettled and in need of no further fettling. Then you would adopt the Monk like riding position of having it draped down the inside of your pants and with the rubberized velcro strap attach the hose and bag to you leg keeping "snags" at bay. If however its been awhile since you've strolled soi Six, or the Significant Other is giving you neither anything "significant" nor allowing your wallet to purchase "other" goods....... This is where the Anti-Slasher shows its worth. Depending on your lack of Soi six visitations you can vary the amount of "snags" allowed to the tube. This gives you a desired amount of "snags" depending on your Libido's current state.

Keep in mind it is designed with the "no comittments" ideology that has given many a man a long, fruitful and happy life....not to mention his wallet safely intact. By allowing varying tethering arrangments this "no commitments" design allows you to constantly change your strapping arrangments to reflect the riders current state of desired snagging on bits of bush.

Full on dysfunctionals can ride with shorts, clipping all the bush one desires and receive the maximum amount of snagging to the point of bringing tears to yuor eyes depending on the throttle position. If the wife is looking as you're heading out for a ride, you can button up all monk like until safely out of sight where a 'readjustment" can be made to put a sure smug on your mug.
The Anti-Slasher is sure to be voted by Oprah Winfrey as one of the keys to a succesful marriage should some unlucky gits find themselves in that dire situation.

Greetings Ian!! hey where has my illustrious Bungy Emails gotten too? Forward man, get on that forward button for when the "Snagging" is not enough.

Mr. Rossi - Holder of the jewish Nose for which i can only aspire. I reckon if you juggle the plastic bag with the tube attached the Immigration officer may put you in the slammer for having just too much fun. no beard or long nose hair as my nurse (from Khong kaen, no sh_t) shaved me enough to look like I can get a dancing gig at Doi Boys now. Clean as a whistle.

I go in like a wooden crate tomorrow to see if they yank all the metal holding my guts together. If the ultimate "snag" and yank happens I still plan to be back by the end of the month hopefully. KTM recvovery will be a bit behind mine I'm thinking. Assuming its not a giant soup bowl by the time i arrive, an (easy) ride can be made shortly after.

Justin
Thanks for the report & checking in. Great to know you're still going strong & got the same sense of humour.
There's quite a few people over here who miss you & are waiting for your return.
See you back here soon.

Justin, good to see you again and most important that you are on the road of recovery !!!!
I think there's a lot of guys and gals waiting eagerly for you coming back to LOS if even for different reasons...... :smile1:
But do us a favour and always remember the colours of that "fluid supply hoses", the blue one's for the mouth, the yellow one for the dump :mrgreen:
Wish u a good time & "speedy recovery" otherwise your KTM falls apart in the meantime....555555, rgds, FR

Typical B&T, Always trying to make simple things complimicated... Trying to make things difficult for everyone...

for instance... Look at this photo...

Fill one bag up with fluids... drink through a hose... process through a sterile (in not purely pure) environment... evacuate through another hose into another bag... empty bag...

Seems to me, there are two bags, and one hose too many in this system... 3 points of failure there right there...

And then there is the filling and emptying of the bags... that would never pass a professional time and motion study...

So I give you, Anti-Slash MKII...

From a marketing point of view, it is very popular to prefix everything with a lower case 'e' at the moment to give the impression of environmental friendliness... and with the saving of the two bags, you may even have a legitimate claim... unlike all those illegitimate claiments in Thailand relating to your endeavours...

Guys- Thanks all for the kind word s. At times when things are not as they should, it’s nice to know the good dysfunctional life is ready and willing back in Thailand. Looking forward to getting back over in a coupla weeks.

Luke – The XR is a lot like a bow legged, short, fat, dark skinned, cabbage farmer gal from the North East. It does the job but provides no viceral joy (to the driver of either). By cavorting with the XR from time to time it makes me appreciate the finer things in life. The KTM is like a long legged, full figured PG gal in comparison. But Luke, fear not, I'll not pry you away from your beloved pig farming, enjoy.

Coming back to the states is a bit of a let down as I usually come back for ski season and there is fun to be had. Alas the only interesting mountains I could find this time were from a gracious Ex-GF that vowed to get me through my surgery with all the help necessary.

A truly kind hearted gesture that this muppet will not overlook. Being a breast man holed up in “land of the “B” and under” cups Thailand, I know the Buddha is laughing his ass off at the hypocrisy of me wanting to call Thailand home.

Daewoo – Appreciate your insights on the Anti-Slasher. You know us Yanks, always trying to complicate things. In striving for your Sub-equator excellence I am onto another variation. After a couple weeks of a ¼ inch of fuel line tucked up through my pecker into the bladder and attached to various bags to be dragged around town it got a bit much. At least it was a conversation starter when you sidled up to the bar, ordered a drink, and put my new “handbag” on the counter. Being in LA my model had the security attachment to my Johnson so nobody would run off with my precious cargo. Don’t know why the usual “Honey, can I get you something to drink?” was drawing blank stares from Los Angeles modeling elite this time around.

The nurses have now upgraded my fashion statements to something a lot more appealing to the female eye. Women were swooning as I strolled about the front of my house watering the lawn this morning in this get-up.

The last time Team FTB utilized this product was in Endurance car racing where we had 3 hour stints and thought it might be the bee’s knee’s years ago. Found out that 145 F. race car cockpits and accumulated urine in yer diaper weren’t the recipe for bliss to the driver.

Another downside to this product variation, by streamlining the product there are indeed less hoses dangling. Which sadly means no more snagging on tree’s and bushes and thereby eliminating the potential Joy factor of your willy getting a jolt of joy as the tube catches. Something not to be taken lightly.

There is an upside to the latest fashion kit however. Japans Sumo wrestling empire upon hearing of my new attire earnestly began contacting my people to meet with their people. Japan’s Sumo Empire now caught in the throes of gambling suspicions and corrupt match fixes contacted me in order to bring some high moralistic standards back into the sport of Sumo Wrestling. Seems this gent needs a well respected opponent to battle and my 135 pounds of raw, cut, finely toned, and Adonis like body will be put to the test.

Yeah mate, those things are no good for driving... who would have thunk that something that happens so easily in the middle of the night when you pass out, takes soooo much concentration when you are awake and sober, and not standing at the stainless Steel wall...

Those things are strickly for no-concentration situations, like at the baseball/football, when a trip to the bar takes half the game... or when you are on the turps with your mates, and don't want to be seen to be the first one to 'break the seal'...

Make sure you keep a stock, and where them on a muppets night out... see if you can't make the other muppets pee their pants, conscious...

Oh....my....god... What doctor do I go to to remove that image that is burned into my brain now, that of Justin wearing an old folks rest home urine collecting diaper..... Great to see you still have that American sense of humor. Although I am still not sure that your new device represents an advantage in the ability to shift the weight around. Seems to me that there should be a sport mode, where the bag is disconnected, and the tube is simply run down the side of the bike to the ground. That way guys trying to follow you will have to splash through the urine, making it more difficult to follow you.........
Look forward to seeing you upon your return.

Finally you've found the perfect accessory to make the KTM comfy & practical for long journeys. :clap:
Do they come in orange??? :crazy:
Watch out Colin will be after your supplier!
Might need a little work in the [ana]aesthetic department before it takes off for general GT-Rider use.

Maybe get the tube routed down in front of the rear tire so the roost the bike throws has a certain individuality about it :smile1: .

Here's hoping you're well and when up in Chiang mai and bored give us a ring. Just stumbled back into town and may need some assistance getting the bod back up to speed in tracking down nefarious activities :angel: .

Rhodie - Yep matey good to be back and looking forward to getting the ole life jump started back into running condition. Sorry we missed each other in Bangers the other day. Well, amazing enough the diaper does come in varying colors. It just depends on your water intake. I've got them to Suzuki Yellow but struggling a wee bit to get the desired KTM orange as of yet. I have time on my side to perfect the KTM orange color as said KTM motor is waiting on its second half of its smuggling journey back to Thailand.