We artists always make creating look so easy don’t we? Well I’m going to be lifting the curtain and show you what we try to hide by introducing you to my pet boogey man: THE FEAR.

In my very first vlog I’m hoping to reach out to other artists, aspiring creatives and anyone who enjoys getting mucky with art, music or words to discuss the dark side of creating and a very personal revelation that I had this year.

Over the last few years that I’ve been painting I’ve noticed a weird pattern emerging – I’ll start a painting in the morning, get caught up in it and have a blast painting it, then look back at what I’ve done in the afternoon and all but burst into tears and cry: IT’S SH*T! I HATE IT! I SUCK AT PAINTING! WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE???

Over time I’ve learnt that it means that I’m over-tired, too close to the work and it’s time to take a break. I’ll normally down tools for the day and get my partner Mitch to take a look and reassure me that I haven’t just painted a giant poop. The next morning when I come back to it and look at it with fresh eyes I can’t remember what I was carrying on about the day before because it looks fine!

It doesn’t happen every single time, but it happens enough that I’ve given it a special name: THE FEAR. It’s always a little bit distressing when it happens but I’ve realised that it always passes.

I had a big breakthrough a month ago when my friend Ara lent me a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Big Magic – Creative Living Beyond Fear. She talks about a concept called the Emotional Patterns of Creativity… basically the stages you pass through on your creative journey. I recognised at that point, rather than being a negative thing, THE FEAR is an important part of my creative process and that if I’m feeling it, it means I’m emotionally invested in what I’m painting and I’m thinking critically about what I produce.

I may not have conquered THE FEAR, and I probably never will, however I’m happy to live with it if it means I’m always trying to outdo myself and grow as an artist!

If you have any ideas or questions you’d like answered for future Artist Insider Vlogs, leave a comment below.

Artist Insider Vlogs are a series targeted towards aspiring and emerging artists and creatives. I’ll be discussing my story of how I became an artist and giving you tips and ideas that may help you on your artists’ journey. Subscribe to Fieldey TV https://www.youtube.com/user/FieldeyC&#8230; so you don’t miss a thing!

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