Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

If you saw a counselor/therapist...

I'm interested in questions about your experiences in therapy, if you ever went.

I'd love to know what you felt your therapist did well if your treatment was successful, or how your therapist could have improved if your therapy was unsuccessful.

What do YOU think makes for successful therapy? What mistakes have your therapists made? If your therapist was good, did you tell him/her that? Do you feel they really came to know and understand you? Did you feel they were well-informed and skilled, or just faking it?

yea I went to a counselor right after i was raped the same week. And the lady was about 15 min late i was there waiting on her and when she showed up she just made me tell her what had happened to me and before she did she was like oh and here is a box of kleenex. I was NOT going to cry infront of her that made me angry then after i told her what had happened she wrote a number down and gave it to me and said i recommend you go to this support group which is a 2 hour drive for me then she said she was late for lunch and she really needed to go and LEFT! I tlaked to her for maybe 30 min. she charged me 60 dollars which is suppose to be for an hour. so i never paid my mom eventually did after a couple of bills and i never went to counseling ever again i figured my fam could help me better then a stranger who could care less.

Mine was a positive one. I have decided to end at the end of the month after 10 months. The key to a good therapy is not to just go with the first counsellor/ therapist. Speak on the phone to more than one and don't feel just because you have gone to see them they have to be the one you see. Find someone who you can relate to. Different people relate differently to people. Sometimes when we feel misunderstood it is because we may not be ready to fully hear what is being said, and sometimes it is you that needs to clarify and let them know that is not what you are feeling.

On a personal level my therapy has been both challenging and difficult, yet I have never felt alone in my turmoil. I have always been prepared to work at it, yet when I ran out of hope my therapist had oodles.

My therapist is my psychiatrist. I met him when I was 18. The last attempted rape happened when I was 16 I think. And way too many other things happened before that. I originally went to help to treat my depression.

At this point (3 years later) he knows everything that I know about my life, which isn't always much...but he's kept me alive. To me, nothing means more than someone that genuinely cares.

Someone I saw (once) before him just didn't get it. The first appointment he asked me if there was anything traumatic that had happened in my life that he needed to know about...abuse, rape, etc.
I wanted to say yeah, my entire life. Instead I said there was nothing I could think of. If someone is going to be that methodical about things then they're not going to be the person that helps me. I didn't feel he deserved to know anything.

My doctor now is amazing. He has always encouraged me to open up to him at my own pace.

To try and more directly answer you - yes I have told him how much I appreciate him. I hope he knows that I sincerely care about his well-being too.

The heart of successful therapy is with a therapist that has a heart and makes it known.

My experience too, was that of a positive note. I began see my counselor 5 days after being raped and have since her since and it has been 10 months since I've going to her. She never pushed me to talk about it, just gave me the steps to begin recovery and to begin to help myself heal. She also supported me when my parents ditched me after it happened and has been a great thing in my life.

After seeing many diffrent therapist and not any of them really being to compassionate about the things I have been through I thought I will never talk to another one again or anyone.Finally I decided 6 years ago that I needed to deal with the rape I went through when I was 12 with the person that abused me for 8 years and then being raped at 21 and never telling anyone that I needed help.
This therapist from the first time I talked to her on the phone I had a connection it was weird.I then met with her and have been seeing her for 6 years and for the first probally 4 I was so out of it on medication and just didn't know how to cope but she stuck by me.I told her more about myself then I had anyone else but I had never cried with anyone about what happened.She never has judged me for not being able to talk each time about what happened.She actually let me know that we didn't have to always talk about bad things we could talk about good things that have happened.That really made a diffrence for me.I finally felt like she wants to get to know me.I have told her on many occassions how good and wonderful she is.She has gotten to know me and understands me very well.She knows what she is doing and I can see that everytime I talk to her.She is always there for me.I have finally cried and shown how I feel about the things that happened to me and later she told me that she was waiting for me to actually feel and show emotion that she felt I was just trying to keep everything bottled up but she didn't want to push me to feel something I wasn't ready for.I know feel comfortable crying with her.I let her know how I feel no matter if it is negative or positve.She lets me work on things at my own pace and has let me know she isn't leaving me the only way things would end between us is if I wanted them to.This is a big fear of mine that I will loose her now that I trust her and have opened up to her.That I feel I am getting on with things.She said the day will come when I know I won't need her and that will be OK but it will have to be when I feel that.I have let her know that I have felt in the past that I was being really needy and that she was going to get sick of me needing so much and she told me that is what I am here for.An she is and I actually told her the other day when I saw her how much I appreciated how she understands me and how good she is.

Each year I do training conferences for therapists about this, but even the ones who attend don't aways show a positive understanding.

But let me acknowledge one thing: although I've done years of work and read nearly every book you can name on the subject, and written and published papers, none of that makes me necessarily a good therapist--only an educated one. If I have any ability to &quot;get it,&quot; it's because of the hundreds of women (and some men) who have trusted me enough to tell me their stories, and guide me in &quot;getting it.&quot; Whatever I am today as a therapist, I am because of the hundreds of survivors who have come before and led me.

We need to finally see and accept this fact: it is SURVIVORS who create the possibility of success for one another. It is SURVIVORS who produce the hope and understanding in all of this. I really wish more survivors saw this, and could feel called to cooperate in this genesis, rather than feeling dark, ashamed, and broken forever. Without survivors swimming back upwards to light, no healing would be possible at all for any of us.

i have seen the same clinical psychologist for over 2 years now. he has transformed me from a victim 2 a survior, although i have a long way 2 go i know he will help me find my way. he laughs with me, cries with me and most importantly never judges me.
i never feel forced or rushed, everything that e discuss is brought up by myself and i decide when im ready 2 leave.

It took me better than 6 months to tell anyone. When I did, I was directed to a rape crisis counselor. I saw her maybe 3 times before she released me because I was &quot;better&quot;. I was/am still having terrible nightmares and flashbacks. Because of my job, it is hard to opperate on only a few hours of sleep a day. I talked to a friend of mine who is a counselor, and opened up about everything. She referred me to 4 therapists and a psychiatrist. Ok, so I am not going to all 4, but they were different, art, music,and traditional. I am not certain why I also need to see a psychiatrist, but I guess I can work that out before I go. My new therapist is wonderful, very compassionate and caring. We have started working through so many issues, things I didn't even realize were still a problem. But I have to say my first experience was terrible, Thank God for my new Therapist!

my experience with my therapist has been awesome...i started seeing her approx 2 1/2 yrs ago...for circumstances related to my divorce &amp; custody issues...shortly after i started seeing her is when my rape happened...it took me 10 months to finally tell her about it..and then i was still really afraid to and so i wrote it in a letter and left it for her at the office...the next day she called me and said she got the letter and wanted to see me ASAP!..i was nervous...i though she would be telling me she could not work with this situation and taht i would need to see someone else to deal with it...that was so far from what actually happened...she was so genuinly caring and concerned..she got me in to see a therapist at our local Rape Crisis Center once a week for 10 weeks as well as seeing her once a week along side ..shorly after the memory of the rape came back is when all the memories started pushing their way through about the sexual abuse when i was a child...she knew another therapist who specialized in the childhood trauma in her office...but it was a male and i couldn't get myself to go to him...so instead she went to him and is currently working with him to gain more knowledge so she can help me through this better..

2 summers ago things were really bad for me...and i couldn't promise to keep safe...so she had no other choice but to hospitalize me..i was so afraid to be there...i ended up being hospitalized for 3 weeks...she came to see me several times and when she couldn't come to see me she always made sure she called...to check in with me to see how i was...

Being Borderline i deal alot with abandonment fears...i had never made any kind of attachment to a maternal or parental figure in my life...from about 3 weeks of age i started my game of musical baby which turned into a musical lifetime of being passed around from one family member to the next...due to this i learned at a very young age that no one wanted me and so the only way to protect myself was to not allow myself to feel anything...to show nothing...that started around age 7....at age 16 i had found that i had a connection with someone...he was a friend i'd grown up with...he was my best friend and at 16 we started dating...i couldn't imagine myself without him...his parents were parents i only dreamed of having...that year at Christmas time he comitted suicide...it tore me to pieces...i said i would never ever allow this to happen again...never...well it didn't work that way...at 19 i met someone at work...at 20 we started dating and soon after i ended up pregnant with my son...we married 2 yrs later and had our two daughters...i was happy...i had a real family...all my own....then when our youngest was 2 he decided to gain a girlfriend and when i found out about it he moved out and moved in with her...we divorced...2 yrs after our divorce he gained custody of our 3 children because he could provide everything for them without needing child support from me...as for me...i made less than $20,000 a year and so relied on the support to help with child care and other living expenses...he is now married to the person he left us to be with...once again the entire core belief of being abandoned has shown its ugly face...i swore after that i would never allow myself to feel for anyone again...in anyway...of course aside from my kids....and once again that didn't happen....this time it was my therapist...that maternal sort of bond that i never had before was there...she was the one person who showed she cared and would help me through anything...she proved that she was there for me over and over again...just the way i could only imagine a mother would...

she knows about it but not the details of why i had begun to have that attachement to her...thats something i'm afraid to really approach...i try to just deal with it on my own...i'm too afraid that she too will have to leave...or want to leave...

is this normal in any way?..right now i'm really feeling like a loser...not feeling very good about it...

BPD is a difficult diagnosis, and a lot of research has been done about its treatment. To be honest, it is regarded as one of the more difficult diagnoses to treat, unless the clinician has the full cooperation of the client.

The book I mentioned is the true autobiography of a BPD woman who made a full recovery, and how she did it.

I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

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