Tag: Jimmy

We were expecting a letter from the the govt as early as September, and knowing how things can seem to crawl through the system we were surprised when it arrived several days ago, late October. Not too bad… as things can go in “the system”.

This is the letter giving us our interview date. This is the last real hurtle on the journey. This is where they sit us both in an office together with an interviewer and they can ask all sorts of questions to see if we really are a couple. Questions could be specific enough that you might only know the answer to if you are living together.

A couple of our friends who have gone through this said that the questioner was so nervous (because of the same sex thing) that they asked a couple basic things and stamped their papers as quickly as they could…”next!”

Within a few weeks of this interview (if we pass) Mabo will be presented with a GREEN CARD! And two years from now, proving we are still together, he will be given FULL U.S. CITIZENSHIP status.

With his green card, he will no longer be bound to any of his temporary visa restrictions…

Our interview is set for December 01 @ 10:15am! Wish me luck that I don’t forget his favorite cereal or what country he was born in… or something silly like that!

Three years ago I stood on the side of the dance floor at the Round Up Saloon and Dancehall watching a power ranger do the most hysterically funny and energetic line dance I’d ever seen! That was the official night that I first noticed Mabo. Less than two years later we were married. Click here to read OUR LOVE STORY – a true Country & Western Dancehall Romance.

Here we are three years from that fateful night. Mabo pulled the costume out of storage and put it on for the 2014 Halloween Block Party down on Cedar Springs (Dallas, TX). Three years earlier I did not have the opportunity to dance with this power ranger… Last night I had the honor of boot scootin’ with a Power Ranger! Happy as can be!

“Fat?! And you thought you were fat? You wanna see fat?! I’ll show you some fat!”

This was the adult me talking to the me in the pictures of when I was younger. I really wasn’t fat at all, maybe a little pudgy in some of the pictures; and by no means was my body the abhorrent image I remember holding in the mind’s eye of my youth.

It wasn’t always like this. Prior to the H-Bomb being dropped upon my psyche that fateful day in the boys department of Muirhead’s Department Store (see part 1), my earliest memories are of being surrounded by girls and woman at church as they are gawking and pulling at me, pinching my cheeks and going on and on about how cute I was and how beautiful my long white/blonde eyelashes were.

There was so much adulation heaped upon me that when I was 5 years old I cut off my eyelashes thinking it would make them all stop pawing at me. I was wrong; it only fueled them more. You would think that a young boy growing up with all of that positive attention toward his cuteness would build a strong self image and a strong sense of self worth.

What happens to a child when a great portion of his self worth is built upon being cute? And what happens when he then grows out of his cuteness, and instead is labeled something horrible, such as HUSKY? I’ll tell you; I began to judge my body as imperfect, not cute and not lovable. I began to feel unworthy of physical love.

Luckily for me, at a young age I knew I possessed the ability to make people laugh, and that gave me enough confidence to carry me through. But as far as my body was concerned, I felt less than; I felt unworthy.

This sense of physical unworthiness drove me to work hard on my body, trying to make it worthy. Through my teens and into young adulthood I would work out sometimes 6-7 days a week…. and I remained unworthy.

Worthy, in my mind’s eye, was an image of physical perfection; an airbrushed image of the perfect body. I remember staring in the mirror, with disgust, thinking, “How could someone love this body?” The sick part to this is, at one point, I was staring at a body in the mirror that looked like a slightly softer (not as cut) version of Mark Wahlberg’s famous Calvin Klein ad.

Because I could not love my body, I was incapable of allowing someone else to love me or my body. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this physical unworthiness that I held onto for so long was the impetus for the destruction of many of my relationships.

The odder piece of this puzzle is that it took me getting completely out of shape, 50+ lbs fatter than my most fit body, in order to begin loving myself and my body.

It was during the darkest period of my entire life, My Dark Period, as my friends would call it (2008-2011), that I purposefully began the journey to loving myself. The events that lead to this dark period created the space into which I began to heal my life. Though this was THE most painful period of my life, and I hope to never experience anything like it again, I am thankful now that it all occurred as it did.

Because I began to love myself and I did not give up on life… my life is now the most peaceful it has ever been. Because I began to love my body… I am healthier than I have been in decades. And because I began to love my body and I did not give up on love… I met the absolute love of my life.

“Fat?! And you thought you were fat? You wanna see fat?! I’ll show you some fat!”

This was the adult me talking to the me in the pictures of when I was younger. I really wasn’t fat at all, maybe a little pudgy in some of the pictures; and by no means was my body the abhorrent image I remember holding in the mind’s eye of my youth.

It wasn’t always like this. Prior to the H-Bomb being dropped upon my psyche that fateful day in the boys department of Muirhead’s Department Store (see part 1), my earliest memories are of being surrounded by girls and woman at church as they are gawking and pulling at me, pinching my cheeks and going on and on about how cute I was and how beautiful my long white/blonde eyelashes were.

There was so much adulation heaped upon me that when I was 5 years old I cut off my eyelashes thinking it would make them all stop pawing at me. I was wrong; it only fueled them more. You would think that a young boy growing up with all of that positive attention toward his cuteness would build a strong self image and a strong sense of self worth.

What happens to a child when a great portion of his self worth is built upon being cute? And what happens when he then grows out of his cuteness, and instead is labeled something horrible, such as HUSKY? I’ll tell you; I began to judge my body as imperfect, not cute and not lovable. I began to feel unworthy of physical love.

Luckily for me, at a young age I knew I possessed the ability to make people laugh, and that gave me enough confidence to carry me through. But as far as my body was concerned, I felt less than; I felt unworthy.

This sense of physical unworthiness drove me to work hard on my body, trying to make it worthy. Through my teens and into young adulthood I would work out sometimes 6-7 days a week…. and I remained unworthy.

Worthy, in my mind’s eye, was an image of physical perfection; an airbrushed image of the perfect body. I remember staring in the mirror, with disgust, thinking, “How could someone love this body?” The sick part to this is, at one point, I was staring at a body in the mirror that looked like a slightly softer (not as cut) version of Mark Wahlberg’s famous Calvin Klein ad.

Because I could not love my body, I was incapable of allowing someone else to love me or my body. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this physical unworthiness that I held onto for so long was the impetus for the destruction of many of my relationships.

The odder piece of this puzzle is that it took me getting completely out of shape, 50+ lbs fatter than my most fit body, in order to begin loving myself and my body.

It was during the darkest period of my entire life, My Dark Period, as my friends would call it (2008-2011), that I purposefully began the journey to loving myself. The events that lead to this dark period created the space into which I began to heal my life. Though this was THE most painful period of my life, and I hope to never experience anything like it again, I am thankful now that it all occurred as it did.

Because I began to love myself and I did not give up on life… my life is now the most peaceful it has ever been. Because I began to love my body… I am healthier than I have been in decades. And because I began to love my body and I did not give up on love… I met the absolute love of my life.

Like this:

Mabo and I both have a love for Country & Western dancing. We both have noticed that when we go dancing, it renews our love for each other. There is something magical about being in each others arms and looking into each others eyes while dancing around in a big circle upon that dance floor. The feeling of increased love is palpable – we both feel it and comment about it each time as it washes over us. I am so thankful that I have a partner who loves to dance as much (or more) than I do! This is something that we can do together that happens to increase our love quotient. We have both noticed that the weeks when we don’t have an opportunity to dance and look each other in the eyes, our lives seem to just be moving along, no fluctuations or increases in feelings of love, just living our daily lives. Though, the weeks when we get to dance, we have an added amount of happiness and feelings of renewed love.

I have given this much thought and I think the following story has a lot to do with explaining why this happens.

I went to a workshop many years ago, which had nothing specifically to do with couples therapy, in fact it wasn’t for couples at all, and the instructor split us up into two groups and had us line up across from each, nearly toe to toe with the person directly (and randomly, I might add) in front of us. Our goal in this exercise was to look the other person in the eyes and face. We were to neither expect anything from the other person, nor judge them in any way. We were not told what to expect from this exercise and I am still not sure if my results were what was supposed to happen. This exercise lasted only about 5-10 minutes, I cannot remember…but it was amazing!

I happened to be paired up with a gentleman about my age, maybe a few years younger. He was not particularly handsome, nor was he particularly not handsome (I guess I didn’t follow instructions too well in the judgment department, lol); all I remember is that I was definitely NOT attracted to him. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to look someone, unabashedly and directly, in the eyes for a length of time. So, I would hold his stare as long as I could, then stop and look at his face. As we spent more time, there became a level of feeling that “this is OK to stare this person in the eyes”. So, we did just as we were instructed.

As the minutes went on I began to have a fondness for him. Then as more minutes passed (this is what makes me think it was 10 minutes, because it seemed like a long time) I found myself feeling love for him. I honestly didn’t find him attractive when we first started the exercise and I am not sure I found him physically attractive after the exercise, but I definitely began to love this person. And the love I was feeling had nothing to do with sex, I had a sense of ONEness with him – I just wanted to hug him.

Wow! The power of looking someone in the eyes for any length of time is AMAZING! I guess it is true that “your eyes are a window to your soul”.

I would venture to take an educated guess that if you were to pick a time when you and your spouse or your loved one could spend 5 – 10 minutes to simply look each other in the eyes, no judgment or expectations (as best you can), you would increase your overall love quotient. Or why not go dancing…so something that allows you to look deeply into the eyes of your loved one…it has worked for us!

Like this:

Finding love when you feel you are The Most Un-Dateable Person on the Planet.

by Jimmy Belasco, Poster Child for THE MOST UN-DATEABLE PERSON ON THE PLANET (reigning years 2009-2011)

One day, I found myself on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, Bill (name changed), as I was trying to talk him “off the ledge” (of his bed); he was in the throws of a deep depression.

“I’m so lonely! I will NEVER find anyone who could ever love me!” As he droned on and on for nearly an hour, inside my head I was shouting, “SHUT UP! You’re a 6’2” gorgeous model for GOODNESS SAKE! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You think you won’t be able to find someone just because you are a starving artist!? SHUT THE HELL UP! You’re worried that you are getting too old!? YOU’RE ONLY TURNING 40!!!!” I am pretty sure at one point I remember envisioning myself reaching through the phone with my hands securely around his neck as I was trying to cut off just enough oxygen to stop him from uttering one more word. It is also at about that point that I found myself thinking, or in this case yelling, outside of my head as I was shouting, “SHUT THE HELL UP!!! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT!?STOP NOW… BEFORE I START TO LIKE YOU A WHOLE LOT LESS!!!” “Oops, did I say that out loud?” I got him to chuckle at that one. “Let’s just stop right here and compare our situations, shall we?” as I gathered my composure. “Take a moment to catch your breath while we spend a little time to look at THE UN-DATEABLE ME.”

‘The Un-Dateable Me’ I was referring to was the ME, about 4 years prior, when I re-entered back into The Wonderful World of Singledom. During that period in my life I could have been the official poster child for THE MOST UN-DATEABLE PERSON ON THE PLANET. I knew in this situation of odds, I had him beat – not that this was a contest; I just had to shut him up and give him a little perspective. But let’s face it; I didn’t look very good on paper.

JIMMY BELASCO – The Most Un-Dateable Person on the Planet

I was closer to 50 than I was 40. (Age didn’t make one bit of difference to me, but it always seemed to end up on the top of his list, so I pulled the “I’m older than you and look what I was able to do” card)

I was unemployed. (My most recent business had failed after years of struggling to keep it afloat)

I was unemployable. (No one seemed interested in hiring someone who had been self employed for over 20 years)

I was financially broke. (See #2 & #3 above)

I was a 5’9” pasty white doughboy who was at least 40-50lbs overweight! (Now hold on, it is getting good…)

I was living with over a dozen rescue animals (which are all part of the family and NOT up for adoption), with a veritable GERIATRICS WARD as well as a SPECIAL NEEDS WING (for some of the animals with Special Needs, requiring things like hand-feeding and watering with a turkey baster). And the kitchen often doubled as a TRIAGE UNIT & EMERGENCY ROOM(because I could not afford to go to the vet hospital)

And ALL that item #6 entails (Living with that many animals requires a very special kind of insanity, I mean, a special kind of person with a very, very big heart)

…And the DOG HAIR (this one deserves its own listing…I used to miscount dogs during headcount thinking the ball of hair sleeping in the corner was actually a dog)

…Andin a house that was in varying stages of remodel and disrepair (With my businesses closing, businesses opening and ever changing; money always seemed to be tight, leaving the house in complete and utter distress. Add to this the items listed in #’s 6-8; this was not a place to which you wanted to invite guests. It was, in fact, the perfect place to horrify and scare away any person you really liked!) (And now it gets really, REALLY GOOD, and you may want to get a glass of water and sit down for this one…)

…The GRAND DELUXE PRIZE for that LUCKY PERSON who would have been unfortunate enough to go out with me… I was living with my ex-ex-partner, John, of 14.5 years in a house that we own together! (Because of the bad economic state of my financial affairs, he had to move back in to help us keep the house from going into foreclosure. And even though he had his own separate living quarters upstairs, had his own boyfriend of several years and we had grown to be more like brothers, it was still not something you would want on your dating resume!)

“HA! TRY TOPPING THAT!!!” Now that finally shut him up! Though, I do remember hearing a chuckle or so about halfway through my list – I know the whole dog thing sorta freaked him out.

Now, be honest with yourself, if you were handed this Dirty Laundry List attached to a Dating Resume, would you have made it more than half way through without running? I can clearly hear the pitter patter of feet starting around number 2 or 3 on the list. It starts with “R”, ends with “N” and has “U” in the middle – Lace up your Nike’s… and Run, Forrest, RUN!!!

Even with all of those odds stacked against me back then, I believed with ALL OF MY HEART that I would draw to me the love of my life; the person whom I would love and adore and who would love and adore me, and accept me – including ALL of THE UN-DATABLE ME. And that is exactly what I did. About three years after becoming single, I met the person who would become the love of my life, Mabo Yamamura. And two years later, we were married at the very tip of Cape Cod. And lets go back to Bill; because of his amazing ability to focus and the fact that he had done much of the work (that we will discuss later) prior to his meltdown, he pulled himself together and within approximately TWO months after the talking him off the ledge conversation, he had drawn to himself his current relationship, which he now describes as the love of his life. Let me point something out something very important here, my new relationship and Bill’s new relationship didn’t just happen “by chance”. We specifically and knowingly attracted these people into our lives using a few things I have learned over the years.

The period leading into attracting the love of my life, was THEdarkest period of my life. My 14.5 year relationship had just ended along with a long, slow and painful collapse of my most recent business. Adding to all of this fun, I went well over 3 years without a paycheck. THOUGH, it is because of this dark period that I AM NOW HAPPIER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN!

If not for My Dark Period, I would have never gone to the Round Up that night (to get out of the house and socialize for the first time in about 3 years), I would not have met Mabo, I would not have had the time to get to know him (unemployed and all the time in the world). I would not have looked as good as I did (I couldn’t afford to eat much more than basic proteins, along with the dancing I lost nearly 40 lbs). I now look back upon My Dark Period, as my friend Maggie (John, my ex’s mom) so aptly named it, as a necessary step for me to not only find myself, but also to be in a space in which I could attract the love of my life – Mabo! To read Our Love Story, find that link on the menu of this site.

In 2005, I was 41 years old, I had a solid 11 year relationship and I was at the top of my industry. I was sitting at a friend’s house outside of Seattle watching myself on TV being featured in a segment story on up and coming entrepreneurs called ON THE RISE during CNN’s News Night with Aaron Brown. It was a wonderfully edited piece, which lasted nearly 5 minutes, which during Prime Time on CNN is priceless. Approximately 20 million viewers were watching CNN that evening.

While watching what was the pinnacle of my career and my business success, I sat there with a feeling in my gut that it was all about to end… And I was correct.

A little back story: In the mid to late 1990’s I met the gentlemen who created and was in the process of patenting the first soy wax formula. I was the first national candle maker who believed that SOY WAX was The Future of the Candle Industry. I was a pioneer marketer of SOY WAX CANDLES, introducing them to the nation. I helped launch what is now a billion dollar portion of the candle industry. By the time the CNN segment featured me in 2005, I was at the top of my game.

As I sat there and watched the program that evening surrounded by some very excited friends, I had a gut-feeling it was all about to end. Mind you, I am NOT a pessimist – I just knew in my gut that the end was near. In this case, it was not pessimism, it was intuition.

Two months later, I was Steve Jobs’ed out (voted out) of my company by a group of shareholders that held the majority of the shares. My personal friends and I held the minority shares and we were out voted…I was voted off the island I had created, nurtured and turned into a success.

Within a month or so later I was up and running with another soy candle company. Not to bore you now with all the details of those tumultuous years, if you want to read the full story of my candle history, click here: JIMMY’S CANDLE HISTORY and scroll down to PART 1 and start at the beginning.

You would think that My Dark Period would have begun when I was voted out of my company in 2005, but I handled that transition quite masterfully. My Dark Period officially began in the early part of 2008 when two KEY factors collided:

The bottom fell out of the US economy and my new candle business began to collapse beneath my feet.

My partner of 14.5 years, John, told me that it was OVER and we should begin dating other people.

I remember saying to my partner at that time, “Do we have to do this RIGHTNOW? I have a business collapsing beneath my feet! Why now?”

During the next few years I had to fire my staff little by little until I was the only one making and shipping candles. I was working 70-90 hour weeks in a factory that had neither air conditioning nor proper exhaust ventilation – if it was 105 degrees outside, it was 120 degrees in that tin roof building! In early 2008 was the last paycheck I had given myself from the company.

In 2011 I licensed my brand to a larger candle company. By that point, I was done. I was nothing but a shell of my former self. Licensing my brand was my last effort to keep the brand alive, especially since there was nothing left of me physically, emotionally or spiritually to continue on. It was during this licensing period that I didn’t have to kill myself working, though I still had no income. I was still in charge of my company and had to design the new collection that would be released with the licensing company; my work load had dropped to just a few hours a week – and I desperately needed the break. Even though I was not receiving a paycheck, I was under contract with the investors in my business and I was not able to work anywhere else and my focus had to stay upon this company. Up to that point, my entire life for the past several years was focused upon keeping that company going – and I had become a hermit. Now that the brand was licensed out, I was free to focus upon myself again.

In the spring of 2011 I made the most life defining decision of my life. I was tired of not being social and I decided it was time to do so. I decided to get out of the house and go to The Round Up Saloon & Dancehall – I needed some social interaction with humans (my dogs had heard all of my jokes and when they started saying the punch lines back to me, in unison, I knew it was time to get out of the house!). I chose the Round Up because I could go there and watch the dancers, which are so amazing, and I did not have to spend a penny since I didn’t drink (and I was broke). For years I have gone to this bar to watch the dancers, though I never had the desire to learn how to country and western dance. Though to my fortune, it was on that very first visit to the Round Up that I ran into an old acquaintance, Mark-Brian, who pulled me onto the dance floor and taught me how to dance in the follow position. I actually learned very easily and dancing became my drug because the entire world of my troubles went away while I was on that dance floor. I started going every chance I could.

By end of 2011, I decided to close the down my company for good. The licensing deal just wasn’t working and I was done. I hadn’t had a paycheck in over FOUR YEARS. I had gone through any savings I might have had and I no longer had any credit cards as I maxed them out trying to save the business and could no longer make the payments. I was living on $5 a week for food by going to the Mexican grocery store (an excellent tip from my friend Mark-Brian) and buying unidentifiable meat for $0.99/lb. In order to keep the mortgage paid and my dozen rescue animals alive I had to sell off much of my furniture and artwork. Yes, I had a pack of rescue animals that my partner and I had collected over the previous 17 years. Because we had been rescuing for so many years and all of the original animals were still with me, I had a literal GERIATRICSWARD as well as a SPECIAL NEEDS WING. Thought at that point if any of my animals would have needed veterinary care, I could not have afforded to take them to the vet hospital. In fact, during that period my kitchen was often turned into a TRIAGEUNIT and EMERGENCYROOM. I actually saved one special needs dog’s life with a long handled wooden spoon when I was hand-feeding her and didn’t realize she couldn’t swallow due to dehydration. I also saved her life yet again, this time with a chip clip to stop the bleeding when one of the other dogs ate her ear nearly completely off. And no, he didn’t eat her ear off because of hunger… he used to lick and clean her ears and I think he got a little carried away, plus he’s a little “special” too. Needless to say, I had my hands FULL and my pockets were EMPTY! But I had The Round Up to help me heal.

I fully give credit to my time at the Round Up for helping me heal and pull myself out of my dark period.

During My Dark Period I made the decision that I wanted to have someone to share my love and life with. But this time, I would purposefully draw that person to me. Over the years of running my businesses, I had learned how to pull things into my existence. I had learned that we live in an Attraction Based Universe…I had done it many, many, many times throughout my business and personal life. I know it works and I was pretty good at it (when I wasn’t in my dark period). I made a decision early on to not date and not fool around unless I felt the spark of something special from someone. I also knew that in order to attract someone with the qualities I wanted in a partner – I had to become those qualities. I had also learned that if you create from a space of “lonely” you will only draw to you someone who will make you lonelier – I had seen it happen to several of my friends.

Every time I began to feel sorry for myself (during the 3.5 year period of being celibate) or when I would feel lonely creeping in, I would stop myself and begin to state to the universe the qualities of the person I was drawing to me. “I am drawing to me the person who has an immense capacity to love and an immense capacity for happiness, who will adore me as I adore him…” and on and on I would go. I never added a face, an age or a race. One of the things I would call forth was, “I will find this person physically attractive and he will also find me physically attractive.” Because of this, I never had to put a body type in my calling forth. I would list qualities, such as honesty, caring, loving, loves to dance, healthy, happy, skilled at his profession, loves animals, lots and lots of animals, thinks similarly about spiritual matters, non-materialistic, peaceful… these were all on my list. When you begin to list these things out loud, you forget about being lonely. Honestly, you have to think of yourself as a magnet. What ever charge you are giving out, you will attract. If you are sending out lonely, you will only attract lonely. If you are sending out drama, you will only receive someone who feeds off and give you more drama. It may sound corny, but I would say, “I am love, I am peace, I am happiness…” knowing that I was sending that out into the universe.

Every day I worked on these things because every day I would begin to feel lonely at some point… and I couldn’t have that. I was definitely working on all of these things when I met Mabo. And the very first time I actually danced with Mabo, I felt “the spark” – enough so that I asked him if he was in a relationship – because I wanted to go on a date with him. He was the first and only person I asked on a date since my split with John.

I KNOW that calling things forth works. Mabo and I have now been together for about two years. He possesses every single quality that I called forth. He adores me! I adore him! What are the chances that I would find someone who would be able to not only deal with but LOVE my animals as if they were his own children and also love all the other parts of me that I would think of as hard to love?

And I give full credit to MY DARK PERIOD for showing me who I am not. If the events of my life had not played out as they did, darkness and all – I would not have been in the position to meet the love of my life. I made some life changing decisions during that period. I had to choose to believe in love. I had to choose to not give up on life. I am very thankful to myself for not giving up on love or life. I now look back at My Dark Period as a necessary step to become a happier person. It definitely was a rough several years and I really don’t ever want to go through anything like that again…but I am so happy that I did.

There are two stories that you should now read, first off I would read THE UN-DATEABLE ME, and then you should read our LOVE STORY – both of which you can find in the menu on this site.