A Charitable Gift

A death notice or obituary may include the expressions "in lieu
of flowers, please send donations to (CHARITY NAME)" or "family and
friends are making contributions to..." Though these phrases
encourage a charitable gift, they do not mean another expression of
sympathy are not appropriate. You can choose to send flowers and
make a charitable contribution. Or, if you only want to do one,
follow the family's wishes and contribute.

Make sure the charity knows the name and address of the family
so they can be notified about your contribution or a contribution
if you wish to donate anonymously.

When you send a check to a charity, include a sympathy note stating
whom the donation memorializes: "This donation is in loving memory
of Josette Bordin."

Make sure the organization has your address so they can send
you an acknowledgment that will serve as your tax receipt.

If the family does not specify a cause or organization, choose
a nonprofit that might be meaningful to the family. You can mention
the contribution to the family in person or in a sympathy card
without specifying the donation amount: "We've remembered your dear
John with a contribution to the National Military Family
Association."

Generally, cash is not sent directly to the family in place of
flowers or a charitable contribution. But there are always
exceptions if a family is in dire need. For example, if the
grieving family is having financial difficulties, a group (fellow
employees, club or lodge members, neighbors) could take up a
collection. Or you can try to give a donation through a clergy
member or another community leader to spare the family any feelings
that they are indebted to you.

How much should you spend on a charitable
donation?

According to Peggy Post, director and spokesperson for The Emily
Post® Institute, there is no magic number that is considered
appropriate. She suggests you get a feel for what is customary in
your area, consider how well you know the family or honoree and be
practical - think about your budget when making a donation. With
all that being said, after doing some research she found most
people spent $100 or less, with the average being about $50. If the
family asked for a donation in lieu of flowers, send what you would
have spent on flowers.

Remember to check our Heart2Soul Community to see if the family
has indicated a cause to which they would like a donation to be
made in honor of their family member. There, you can also stay up
to date on service information or provide support by leaving a
message for the family or uploading photographs.