The Final Use For Bacon: Coffins

Call it a warning or call it a celebration of life, it’s the new bacon coffin. Photo by J&D Foods

I keep asking if it isn’t an early April Fool’s joke, but the Seattle folks who brought Bacon Salt to a grateful world have just announced their latest venture; a $2,995, steel-gauge bacon coffin. It’s meant for those who — wait for it — “love bacon to death.”

The USA-made coffins “are finished with a painted Bacon and Pork shading and accented with gold stationary handles. The interior has an adjustable bed and mattress, a bacon memorial tube and is completed in ivory crepe coffin linens,” the folks at J&D Foods announced. (Why ivory? Why not crisp brown edges, or white streaks reminiscent of sunny mornings with fried eggs and orange juice?) Order them online right here, perhaps with a side of Nueskes?

The always-fabulous bacon boys, “on a quest to make everything taste like bacon,” punned that “I think we knew it would all end here.” (They’re too modest. Bacon Salt itself is fat-free, has no calories, and is low-salt.)

The company founders, Justin Esch and David Lefkow sizzled into other areas after the Bacon Salt success, including Baconnaise “It’s mayo! It’s bacon!”), which landed them a spot on the Jon Stewart show, and bacon lip balm. The bacontrepreneurs told KIRO, straight-faced, that bringing bacon to the afterlife was a service for the nation’s millions of bacon-lovers and one that would take some of the stress out of funeral plans and help mourners make it more of a celebration.

Even on their announcement, they know how many eyebrows they’ll raise with the to-die-for venture.

“Don’t you judge us, after baconlube we all knew it was just going to keep getting weirder. And yeah, you’re right, we’re probably going to hell for this one,” they wrote. If so, at least they’ll have a delicious way there.

About us

Bethany Jean Clement is The Seattle Times food writer. Her writing has also appeared in Best Food Writing, Food & Wine, Gourmet.com, Beard House, Town & Country, Edible Seattle, The Stranger and more. Follow her on Twitter: @BJeanClement.