Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

So how long after one offers a property for rent, becoming a “landlord”, does it take for the Secret Landlord Society (SLS) to approach and indoctrinate? You’ve never heard of the Secret Landlord Society? Well, DUH! It’s a SECRET society! But you definitely have been under their influence at SOME point in your life (if you have ever rented or even just worked in an office building). And this apparently is an international organization, as complaints about landlord behavior are a world-wide phenomenon.

What exactly does the SLS do? Well, they provide the new landlord with “the book”, or at least “the instructions” on how to be a landlord… you know, how to become a complete asshole in 3 easy steps? 1) Buy building, 2) place “for rent” ad, 3) accept tenant (written lease not necessary, see “Landlord Games and Tricks”, chapter 4 of the SLS manual)…

The Secret Landlord Society and their instructions are the only possible explanation for why seemingly decent, rational individuals seem to become creatures motivated purely be evil, selfish greed, but overcome with an irrational stupidity as well. You and I know that if you don’t spend $150 to fix that leaky pipe, the wall/ceiling will crumble and it will then cost $2,000 to repair. Landlords don’t seem to get this, preferring to fix things with tape, paint, and sometimes drop ceilings (so they can just replace ceiling tiles instead of actually fixing leaks).

The SLS also must be the source for products that only landlords seem to be able to acquire, like “John Wayne” Toilet Paper- you know the stuff- 120 grit sandpaper, it’s rough, tough, and don’t take no shit. Paper towels that rip while still in the dispenser, and you have to use a wad of them to dry your hands anyway. Paint that doesn’t even stick to itself. Nails or screws that apparently come curved from the manufacturer, so they don’t go all the way in, and nail heads stick out from floors, walls, and ceilings… etc. etc.

And of course the SLS manual teaches the new landlord how to respond to complaints with choice one-liners like: “I love the house I’m renting to you more than the one I live in”, “But I’m subsidizing your rent already- I lose money every month”, and “Why do you want a written lease? I trust you!”…

Monday, November 9, 2009

"THEY" told us that they were closing their U.S. factory and having everything made overseas because "WE" demanded lower prices... and the "only" way "they" could achieve this was by having everything made elsewhere. THEY LIED!!!!

First of all, I didn't DEMAND lower prices, except for obvious rip-offs. I don't deny a man his living, or delude myself into thinking stores can sell merchandise with no profit. But fair is fair. Selling an item for $39.95 that costs $1.57 is nuts. And if I tell the seller that I am not going to buy that item unless the price drops, the seller has a choice: ignore me and hope some other fool buys it, or lower the price to a point where more people will buy, or raise the price and attempt to foist that the item is "elite". Whatever... usually, we like to believe that buyers set the market. If people stop buying an item because it is too expensive, the price will be lowered or the item will no longer be on the market.

The big scam that's been foisted on all of us is that the same high quality item that was too expensive to be made in the USA is now being made elsewhere (most likely China) at a lower cost. Of course, what is actually happening is that a piece of CRAP is being made in China, and being perpetrated on us as a "lower priced" version of the original. And an awful lot of true GARBAGE is being made in China and sold elsewhere. Stuff that is not even functional. I'm not just talking about the famous poisoned items, i.e. pet food, baby formula, toys... I'm talking about regular items that are just so poorly made they aren't worth the plastic and rusty "steel" they're stamped out of. Take this example: the mini-me's decided they need some tools so that, just like Pops, they can pretend to fix things around the house too. So the Mobile Vaginal Life Support Fortress (aka Wife) went to a nearby "Dollar Store" (aka Turd Worlder Owned Funky Smelling House of Overpriced Turd World Refuse To Sell To Stupid Americans) and purchase a couple of "Six Piece Ratcheting Screwdriver" sets. There are 5 driver bits, plus the handle, as shown in the accompanying picture. Only one problem. The bits have a hex shaped SOCKET on their ends opposite the bits (i.e. phillips head). The ratcheting handle ALSO has a hex shaped socket on its end. And there is NO adapter piece of any sort to allow one to plug the bits into the handle and actually use them. And no, it's not a simple matter of the piece being left out of this package. ALL of the packages are the same: SIX PIECE, does indeed mean SIX pieces- 5 bits and the handle. And while the English-as-a-7th-language manager of the "dollar store" truly appeared as amazed as we were, do you think he immediately removed all the stock of these items for return to his supplier? Nope. He told us "you want pick someting else"? Yeah- hand me my 2 dollars back, and I'll use them to pick my teeth. So be ware- if you want a ratcheting screwdriver, just go to K-Mart, err sorry, -Sears-, and buy one.

Friday, November 6, 2009

So today, at 6:20 AM, the train arrived, at stop #3 into it's 2 hour journey to the Emerald City (aka NYC). As the train pulled up to the platform, we working saps noticed that it appeared to be unusually crowded so early on. And when the doors opened and we shuffled aboard, we noticed why the train was crowded- it was full of Yankees "fans", resplendent in their brand new Yankees hats, brand new Yankees jackets, and brand new Yankees jerseys, on their way to a parade to celebrate the Yankees World Series win #8,342 (or something).

Of course REAL fans like to point out that they've had their Yankees paraphernalia for years, or at last certainly from much earlier in the season than the END.

Maj. Hasan, raised a Muslim, had wanted to go into the military against his parent's wishes, but he was taunted by others after the terror attacks of Sept. 11, his cousin said.

A former Fort Hood colleague of the shooter said Hasan would frequently make "outlandish" comments.

"He said maybe Muslims should stand up and fight against the aggressor," retired Col. Terry Lee told Fox News. "At first we thought he meant help the armed forces, but apparently that wasn't the case. Other times he would make comments we shouldn't be in the war in the first place."

Hasan had been optimistic that President Obama would start pulling troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan, Lee said, but when that didn't happen as quickly as he hoped, Hasan became angry."

"The motive for the shooting wasn't clear, but Hasan was apparently set to deploy soon, and had expressed some anger about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan."

"

Federal law enforcement officials told The Associated Press that Hasan had come to their attention at least six months ago because of Internet postings that discussed homicide bombings and other threats. The officials said they are still trying to confirm that he was the author.

One of the Web postings that authorities reviewed is a blog that equates homicide bombers with a soldier throwing himself on a grenade to save the lives of his comrades.

"To say that this soldier committed suicide is inappropriate. Its more appropriate to say he is a brave hero that sacrificed his life for a more noble cause," said the Internet posting. "Scholars have paralled (sic) this to suicide bombers whose intention, by sacrificing their lives, is to help save Muslims by killing enemy soldiers."

OK, so why do the helmets (that we are often forced by law to wear or have our children wear) have to be shaped like penises (penii???)? Is it so junior can shave 1/10th of a second off his downhill coast time in the "Training Wheel Olympics", due to the "aerodynamic" shape? Or is it just because some pervert designed the ugly things?

And speaking of organ shaped helmets- what the hell was up with the designer of Darth Vader's outfit? I mean, the useless capes of Darth and Lando could be tolerated as some fashion statement of a long-ago time period, in a galaxy that is far, far away...but that damn queer looking helmet on Vader? Who designed the whole Vader outfit- the Emperor?? The same guy who designed C3P0 as a flamer? The only fear the Darth Vader helmet strikes in me is that Vader will want to show me his "saber", and I ain't talkin' bout the one made of light...

And segueing smoothly from helmets to Star Wars- come on, I know I'm not the ONLY one to have noticed that the buildings in "Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones" look like giant vaginas. The oddest thing is that I've scoured Goolge and Bing looking for a picture to prove this, and haven't been able to find a single picture of these buildings...hmmm....is Lucas hiding something?!? Who designed this set art- H.R. Giger???

Traffic lights, stop signs, orange cones, "Jersey" barricades... all these devices (as well as the laws regarding their obeisance) are ostensibly put in place to serve one purpose and one purpose ONLY. Regardless of what Sheriff Taylor over in Buddfugg County thinks, they are not revenue generators. They are for the purpose of safety. That's it. Traffic control laws and devices are supposed to be in place to keep people safe. And in order to legally drive in this country, one must pass both a written and physical driving test, demonstrating knowledge of what such devices and laws mean...i.e. if you don't know what the 8 sided red sign with the word "STOP" in the middle is for, you shouldn't be driving. You probably shouldn't be allowed out in public either.

So why does it seem like so many people have no clue whatsoever as to what a blinking red light means? Every morning while I await my bus, I observe the nearby intersection, with it's 4 way blinking red lights (the lights resume normal cycles at 6AM). And everyday I see not only stupid assholes (including school buses and oil tanker trucks) who fly through the intersection without even slowing down, but I also see the truly selfish ignorant assdrippings who drive on the shoulder to go around the silly fool who has actually stopped to obey the red light. I am awaiting the day, which I know is coming soon, where a tanker trunk and church van full of nuns have their fateful meet at that intersection. If I had a fully charged phaser bank at my disposal, that intersection would be littered with flaming remains of these selfish miscreants. Of course, if I had a phaser bank at my disposal, and used it to dispatch all the selfish, lazy, mean ignoramuses, the world would be a hell of a lot less populous.