I feel you blow by me and you mumble something about being right
back and I can hear the tension in your voice. I can hear tears,
and pain, and I can feel in the way you nearly run out of the room
that you're breaking up inside. I swear to God, I should have
grabbed you and stopped you. Instead, I'm a step behind. Before I
even register the scene you're weaving your way through the room.

I look around to find Alex. She's the only one in this room who has
the power to make you cry. And then I see her, some guy's arm
around her shoulder, smiling and laughing with a group of attorney's
I barely recognize. I see her turn her head as you run from the
room.

She saw you run.

"Do the right thing, Alex. Do the right thing." I chant to myself.
I see her frown, but only for a moment as she moves into him,
letting his arm reach down her back. Before the group catches on,
she has a numb smile on her face and she was back to her world.

Before I can stop myself, I'm pushing myself through the crowded
room and over to Alex. I pick the guys hand up off of her shoulder
and spin her around.

"I need to talk to you." She looks at me like I'm wearing your
underwear on my head and speaking in tongues.

She's always the social princess, and she tries to introduce me to
the group. I couldn't give a shit about the group though, and
before her features process recognition, I growl, "Now." I grab her
arm and start to pull her with me, and she actually starts to come,
until tall dark and horny puts his hand on my chest. Oh, now your
guy friend thinks he's going to stop me. "Who the hell are you?"

Alex looks at me and the fire in my eyes and grabs my arm, which is
about five seconds from punching this cocksucker in the face. She
pulls me off to a corner, far enough that no one could hear us.

Now I'm really pissed. "Alex, you have no idea how lucky you are,
and it's going to be over my dead body that you hurt her tonight."

"Look, Elliot, this is really none of your business."

"It is my business Alex. You're breaking her heart. You sat me
down and you told me you loved her. And you know what? I believed
you, and if you don't go out there right now and find her and tell
her what she means to you, I'll know you're a liar."

"I'm not.." Alex sighs.

"Alex. She loves you more than anything. In the last year, she's
been happier than I've ever seen her. She'd give her life for you.
And you're going to stand here and ignore her so a bunch of uptight
assholes don't think badly of you?"

"Elliot, it's not that simple."

"It is that simple."

"Elliot, it's." I think she can see my anger. I think she can see
my jealousy. I think she can see how I would give anything in the
world to switch places with her right now.

"Which way did she go?"

Chapter 22: Olivia

I see you walk out looking almost as dejected as I feel. I stare at
you only for a moment; waiting for a second shadow to be following
you. I know in my heart that I'll be disappointed; I know there
isn't one. I know it will be just you. I know you will be alone.
I already know what's going to happen. I knew it when I walked by
you, when I saw her standing with that guy. The way she ignored my
eyes as I blew by her.

"Hey El," I mumble, sitting on the stairs, my body pushed into my
thighs, my arms holding them tight to my chest. I look up at you,
and try to smile, hoping that the tears that are threatening the
corners of my eyes won't spill out and embarrass both of us. It's
easier for this to be no big deal.

It's just a small matter of my heart breaking. But this is all
about me, now. It's about me not being able to handle it anymore.
About me not being able to sit back and watch you pretend you don't
know me. About me refusing to pretend that we don't share our
lives.

We only share what doesn't embarrass you. What doesn't make you
feel judged. I don't know why I crave to hold your hands in
public. I don't know why I want to stand next to you, introduced
not as some cop you work with, and instead, as your partner. I
don't know why it's not enough anymore to settle for you only in our
private moments.

And now here he is, the man with the bad news. I feel bad knowing
you probably feel like you're stuck in the middle of some epic
battle between her and I. I wonder if she even saw me leave. I
knew you would find me, but I thought you might bring her.

I see you walk slowly up behind me, "Hey," you say back. I see you
look at me, from above. You look sad and concerned as you watch me.

I take a deep breath and look back out to the street, "She's not
coming out here, is she?"

"I don't think she is, Liv." I don't realize it at first, but my
arms are shaking from the cold. At least I tell myself that's why
they're shaking. Not because of the pain in my chest. Not because
of the tears in my eyes.

I smile to myself as you sit next to me, slipping off your jacket
and sliding it around my shoulders.

"I don't understand." You say. "I thought.."

"It's not easy for me either," I mumble.

"But," you start, "I don't get what the big deal is. I mean, come
on, happiness is more important, isn't it? Than what people think."