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Are you happy being single?

I'm 27 now, and I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm happy being single - maybe forever. I don't want a boyfriend. Is that weird? Anybody else feel like this? I really love my friends, but after a night with them I've had enough. I need my alone time. I definately don't want to share my bed with anybody. Sex...well, that's why god made porn and craigslist. I'm satisfied. My friend is getting married soon and I can't even fathom spending that much time with somebody.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Yes. Currently I am quite content to be single. I did the long-term-living-together-relationship thing several times during my 20s and 30s; nowadays, in my 50s, I much prefer being single. I haven't totally ruled out the idea of some sort of relationship if it should happen to occur in the future, but I would never live with anyone again.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by Hard-up1

To the snarky remark about some of us not being complete or missing part of life, then what of it? If I want that in my life, that isn't being put upon you, is it? Was there really a need to invite discord in a simple thread about being single?

JUB is just becoming more and more a bitchfest.

Wow, a little bit of an overreaction here on such a fine day, I must say. You know damn well that single people (gay OR straight) are looked down upon in general and here as well. Single people are viewed as lacking and looked at with suspicion by some. If you have never experienced societal pressure to couple then you are an exception, especially at your age.
Having said all that, I fully realize being single is not as easy or desirable for me as it is for others; I'm 54 and love the gift of being single.

Re: Are you happy being single?

I don't know. I haven't been into a relationship despite I am 21, but I rather wait for the right one than many of the wrong ones. However, I been alone for a long time, I mean, I am not close with my family besides my cousins and I am currently living abroad, it'll nice if someone comes along, someone that I share my life with.

Re: Are you happy being single?

not happy, not sad, not angry. just completely indifferent about it at the moment. i was happy being single some months back over the spring and summer. then in the late summer and early fall, it started to bother me. now i'm like completely cool with it again. don't want to be with anybody at the moment. more concerned about finding a job.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by secondmonkey

I'm 27 now, and I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm happy being single - maybe forever. I don't want a boyfriend. Is that weird? Anybody else feel like this? I really love my friends, but after a night with them I've had enough. I need my alone time. I definately don't want to share my bed with anybody. Sex...well, that's why god made porn and craigslist. I'm satisfied. My friend is getting married soon and I can't even fathom spending that much time with somebody.

Am I the only one?

I suspect that this is an individual relationship factor. I spent 33 yrs, since we were 17, with my guy and my alone time included him. I felt this was my alone time when it was just he and I. Now that he is gone and I am single it took awhile for me to enjoy my alone time, as just me, but I do. I certainly would prefer to spend it with him but thats not possible. I felt so completely like myself when he was with me. I don't mean all that he completes me bullshit because he didn't complete me, he anchored me to our world, which we both enjoyed immencely.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by NaughtyArousal

Yes!

I'm very open to possibilities and the chance that someone special may be a part of my life, some day. But it's not something I need to be happy, at all. There are times in which I prefer to be single. I'm a bit of a loner.

Ditto on that! I wouldn't mind a FWB, but I'm not out there hunting. In the end, I like my alone time.

Re: Are you happy being single?

It's fine but I would like to experience no being single again some time. Dating is a challenge though! Living together with someone again doesn't bother me. I think just finding someone compatible (or even somewhat so)is the obstacle. Que sera sera as they say and I'm not going to beat myself up over it if it never happens again. What for?

Re: Are you happy being single?

Currently happily single. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend at all though I am not sure if I could actually handle a relationship for the time being. As sometimes I feel like the people around don't know me at all and I get really depressed for a little while but then wake up the 2nd day I feel totally fine and ready. My emotions are such a wreck

Re: Are you happy being single?

i've been single my whole life... im ready to commit to someone, really. i mean, dont get me wrong -- i love my alone time. i am one who enjoys solitude but i want to experience a relationship and all its perks... soon methinks

Re: Are you happy being single?

I'm 27, never been in a relationship, and have been fine alone so far but I'm starting to want a boyfriend. I went to a family dinner a few weeks ago and found out that all my cousins around my age are dating someone. Only one of them has been dating someone for a few months and it's been at least a year for my other cousins. I see their gfs/bfs at a lot of family events but it never really dawned on me until I started seeing them all together. Pair that with my best friend getting married this year and my other closest friend getting her first real boyfriend. I use apps like Jack'd to find friends which doesn't work out too well. I only list that I want friends but I think I want more than that. I'm tempted to start an Okcupid account. I like my alone time but I kind of do want a boyfriend. I'm not like some of my friends who just want somebody though. It seems hard to find someone but I don't really think about it that often although a little more often as of late.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by Saybrooke

No :/ I was until I met this guy I REALLY want... :/

Ahhh but sweety we are just an internet thing... it cant last...

I am happy single but think it is often a grass is always greener argument... I was in a nine year relationship and couldn't wait to be single again towards the end but entered that relationship at 30 after running around like a slut puppy for a while..... during the slut puppy phase I wanted a partner and then with a partner I wanted my freedom again...

Now I am just happy and take each situation as the best it can be and then move on. Love will happen for me again someday but who knows if exclusive will follow.

Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by JayHawk

I am happy single but think it is often a grass is always greener argument... I was in a nine year relationship and couldn't wait to be single again towards the end but entered that relationship at 30 after running around like a slut puppy for a while..... during the slut puppy phase I wanted a partner and then with a partner I wanted my freedom again...

Is it fair to say you would have remained happy in the relationship if things had been going well? It wasn't just that you had a wandering eye, right?

To those who think you give up your freedom, I would say certainly you make adjustments, but we do that in all areas of our lives.
We sacrifice free time because we have to work. We put family and friends ahead of our own interests many times. And when you have children, your time is really not your own. But look what you gain by being in love. The scales are way out of balance on the good side there.

You can spend a lifetime enjoying your alone time, but I think most people will eventually want to know the blessings of a loving relationship. I said most people.

Re: Are you happy being single?

I always loved being single/alone. The problem was...it never happened for very long. The last time I was single I had totally made up my mind to BE single but fate had something else in store for me. I am very happy in my relationship and he is my best friend and we are closing in on 27 years...I got lucky....

There is one thing to note here though...the only time in my life I was ever really lonely was when I was with this one guy....it was a nightmare.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by sixthson

Is it fair to say you would have remained happy in the relationship if things had been going well? It wasn't just that you had a wandering eye, right?

To those who think you give up your freedom, I would say certainly you make adjustments, but we do that in all areas of our lives.
We sacrifice free time because we have to work. We put family and friends ahead of our own interests many times. And when you have children, your time is really not your own. But look what you gain by being in love. The scales are way out of balance on the good side there.

You can spend a lifetime enjoying your alone time, but I think most people will eventually want to know the blessings of a loving relationship. I said most people.

Well you certainly have to believe that to be happiest you should be in a relationship based on your environment. I would have stayed happy in a relationship and convinced myself it was almost the only way to be IF his eyes hadn't wandered. Now I am not looking to find anything. What happens happens and I am happy either way. I don't seek in any way to project myself onto others and insist that is reality.

Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Re: Are you happy being single?

I'm 29 and have been single nearly all of my adult life. I like living on my own at the moment, I get a bit lonely sometimes and think would a relationship be the answer but I don't want to get all needy and start looking because that never works. I like having close friends but people are soo transient these days and were always moving away from each other so I don't have a lot of history to talk about with most people I know or I sometimes think I shouldn't get too close because they might move away and move on with me getting hurt in the process. I don't want to start renting my spare room out as I need my space, if I was to go out with someone I would like it to be someone who also likes their own space and doesn't get hurt if I need some time apart. I also wouldn't begrudge them going out with their own friends without me and expect the same in return. I am also someone who has had the odd friend crush in the past.

Reading this, it looks like theres some other guys my age who are in the same situation.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by geloge

for me it's not just giving up my freedom but making someone to carry my shit. If I feel ready to look for partner I'll do, not for the moment.

I think some people are single and happy about it, while others are single, but not by choice. I think if you wait until you are shit-less, you will wait a long time, because we are all faulty humans and we carry that into all of our relationships, not just the romantic ones.
I do understand what you are saying, however.
I guess what I was trying to say in my early post is that there seem to be a lot of negative ideas about relationships. To say that they don't require commitment and hard work would be dishonest, but to say you have to surrender the things that make us who we are is just not true, either. In fact, the differences between us are part of the beauty of life and love.

I would be interested to know how many here who hold the view that relationships mean loss of freedom have actually been in a relationship of some duration compared to those who have been mostly single. The latter would be like being on the outside looking in, while the former could come from being burned, I guess.

Perhaps it boils down to this: if you are happily partnered, you wonder why anyone would want to be single and if you are single, you wonder why others don't see relationship as too confining to allow for personal happiness.

Re: Are you happy being single?

you know something that actually annoys me. hard up 1 mentioned it. i hate it when people that are in relationships use their situation to take swipes at us single people in hopes of making us catch feelings, us to be jealous of them, or to have us feel bad about ourselves for being single. it's like we get that you're in a relationship and are happy about it. that's good for you. we're happy for you. that doesn't mean that people envy you or want to be in relationship as well and it certainly doesn't make you better than any of us either. i don't see how it does.

you have some people that just love to show off the fact that they're in a relationship or married especially in front of single people. they'll be like "i can't hang around you guys like that anymore, i gotta chill with my girlfriend or boyfriend or whoever" and things of that nature. that's some douchebag type shit. we get that you're partnered, breh. just because a couple of guys are all crying about not finding everybody doesn't mean that all of us single people feel the same way. there's certainly nothing wrong with me because i'm not in a relationship or have to answer to somebody like you do, breh. many of us are not preoccupied about that shit. we actually enjoy our freedom to move around and not have to be committed to somebody. so blah to that.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Re: Are you happy being single?

There is a difference between sharing things about our lives and rubbing it in others' noses. The latter is contemptible.
It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT)

There are also single people who like to take shots at those of us in relationships...trying to make us feel as if we're 'wasting our time', "trying to be like heteros", 'needy', etc. etc. the list goes on. It goes both ways.

And last I checked: I'm in a relationship. I have "freedom"(s). And I have time I get to spend with a great guy I enjoy sharing my life with. Best of both worlds.

Looking back--I can also see how fabulous it was being single as well. There are perks to both. There's no reason for animosity or tension from either side. Funny thing is a lot of people don't realize that until they've experienced both sides of the fence.

I've never assumed single people are automatically miserable. In fact, most people I know love to boast about it...as if I'm expected to be miserable in my boring, stale relationship.

yeah, there's single people outthere that are taking shots at a people in relationships but i don't think that it outnumbers the shots thrown by people in relationships though. i would say that it's for people in relationships in general (straight, gay, bi, whatever).

but then, i think that's the way society is though. being in a relationship is basically looked up to. when you're single especially for a long time, it's frowned on. for some reason, there's this weird idea that someone who isn't partnered up has something wrong with them and if they're a straight person, then all of a sudden they're secretly gay. *shrugs* hell, that's how a lot of gay rumors float around about celebrities. "oh that guy right there hasn't had a girlfriend in 15 years and if he has a girlfriend, he isn't outthere with her in hollywood. he's been single for a long time. he's always out on the red carpet by himself. he must be gay". maybe that dude likes to be single. maybe he doesn't give a fuck. hell, even this thread is inspired by the idea that being single is a bad thing or that there's something wrong with it. even if it wasn't a choice for me, i certainly ain't going to be crying or feeling sorry for myself because of it. hell no. i certainly don't live my life to be loved or to be in love. i don't put my time and effort into getting phone numbers or whatever because i don't care.

but speaking of all this though, i think people in general put too much care into things like relationship, love and sex to the point where it's ridiculous. it gets to the point where people are basically having the same conversation such as this one. i could have swore somebody made this thread about a month or two months ago asking the same question "are you happy being single?". after awhile, you begin to look at certain people's situations like "this person is upset that they're single", "this guy is having guy problems", "this guy has relationship problems". after awhile, i'm like shut up already, we get the point.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT)

Someone did. And there will be more.

i think that if anybody else makes this thread like this or similar threads and they've had a history of repeating it, they need to just fess up and admit that they're unhappy being single. i swear, some people are in denial that it's not even funny. they swear that they're happy when they're lying their asses off knowing that they're mad about being single. they need to look on the bright side and acknowledge their hand. masturbation is a gift. their hands aren't going to be as flexible as they are now. they need to look @ john mccain and muhammad ali. not dissing them at all but at one point, they were jerking off like the rest of us but now they're can't do that shit.

one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by sixthson

It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.

I'm finished now.

It wasn't my intention to be confrontational. I do appreciate your contributions.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by geloge

It wasn't my intention to be confrontational. I do appreciate your contributions.

I didn't take it as confrontational and I was not trying to respond as if you were. Sorry if it came across that way. Typing words is just so inadequate at times. I understood what you were saying and know that what you feel is not uncommon.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by sixthson

There is a difference between sharing things about our lives and rubbing it in others' noses. The latter is contemptible.
It seems like these relationship threads often go the way of the cut vs uncut threads by ending badly. One is not necessarily better than the other. The are just different. Nothing wrong with that unless you condemn someone for disagreeing.

I'm finished now.

Yeah but part of the problem is this thread was created in HT instead of the relationships forum. As such, it may be subject to some flaming or whatever. But how can you compare this thread to one about a relatively trivial issue like cut vs. uncut. For me, I see this subject (being single or not) with the utmost seriousness. As such, that should colour the discussion. But I see I may be wrong and this may be just another way of launching thinly-veiled personal attacks.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by sixthson

I would be interested to know how many here who hold the view that relationships mean loss of freedom have actually been in a relationship of some duration compared to those who have been mostly single. The latter would be like being on the outside looking in, while the former could come from being burned, I guess.

Perhaps it boils down to this: if you are happily partnered, you wonder why anyone would want to be single and if you are single, you wonder why others don't see relationship as too confining to allow for personal happiness.

I have held (and lived) both positions. The three relationships I had prior to this one I definitely experienced a loss of freedom and I had to struggle with holding on to my identity...to be fair it was already fragile and not their fault though at the time I wanted to blame them....

I loved being single....and those relationships probably taught me more about myself and other people than anything else in my life so I would begrudgingly experience them all over again because they led to to where I am today....they also helped me to really appreciate the times when I was single and I could have seen myself staying single my whole life ...very happily I might add.

....now I have a man (26 + years) who I don't just love unconditionally...I really like him too. For me..that is THE key. Everyone has different keys I suppose. I can say today I have more inner freedom than I have ever had BECAUSE of him...we have an amazing chemistry and I do believe we are soulmates. It IS alot of hard work though.

The thing is...there are many paths to bliss and some people maybe are meant to be single...and happy...and fulfilled. You can't fit a circle into a square and you shouldn't try. I personally have never even considered that being in a relationship is in any way superior to being single...I think this thread is the first time it has ever entered my thoughts. I have, however, considered a relationship a nightmare based on my experiences when I was single...I never had a desire for a relationship ironically...they just happened.

Re: Are you happy being single?

Originally Posted by sixthson

I didn't take it as confrontational and I was not trying to respond as if you were. Sorry if it came across that way. Typing words is just so inadequate at times. I understood what you were saying and know that what you feel is not uncommon.

Since I quoted you in a previous post and then you wrote #58 I thought maybe it could seem like I was fighting your opinion. I didn't take your answer as confrontational either. I just wanted to make it clear

Re: Are you happy being single?

I'm getting old (40), and I'm perfectly ok with being single...not 'happy' or 'sad' simply ok with it, just doesn't bother me. That said it may well because I have no idea what being in a relationship would be like since... I've never been a relationship or dated or been even close with anyone. There are times I think I'd really like to have a boyfriend. Other times I want to remain single (and I pretty much assume I will end up being so forever) I often daydream about having a sorta-boyfriend..just someone to cuddle with & kiss but nothing more (no sex/etc) Really don't know a part of me wants love, another is very much afraid of it)