Friday, August 11, 2006

Alleged celebrity rebound couple Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn, who may or may not have begun dating while filming The Break-Up in 2005, ended months of conflicting reports out of Hollywood today when they announced through their publicists the creation of the official ironic mashup of their names in the tradition of "TomKat," "Bennifer," and "Brangelina."

"Jennifer has been frustrated for months with reporters referring to her and nothing more than close friend Vince Vaughn as either 'Vinnifer' or 'Vaughniston,' neither of which feature part of Jenn's name first which is ridiculous when it's so painfully obvious which one of them has the real star power," Aniston publicist Steven Huvane said from a prepared statement at a press conference in Chicago, where the alleged couple may or may not have purchased a condominium together. "To put it bluntly, Jenn wanted to announce the official nickname before the tabloids blew the story out of proportion. So I'm proud to be the first to inform you that from this day forward, all speculative press materials relating to their possible relationship, non-existent marriage proposals and subsequent divorce rumors should refer to the two of them as Jennivaughn Anistonce."

"Vince knows it's two words instead of one -- by previous nickname standards, a bit of a mouthful," Vaughn's publicist John Pisani said at a separate, unrelated press conference which was convened to also quell rumors of the perpetually baggy-eyed actor's recently alleged night of hell-raising at Bare Assets II, a 24-hour strip club in downtown Chicago. "But he's really looking forward to hearing Pat O'Brien's dulcet tones wrap themselves around this new, official celebrity couple nickname on the next edition of The Insider. No, Pat O'Brien was not along for the ride to Bare Assets. No, neither was Charlie Sheen. Next question."

With the nickname controversy out of the way, speculation is running rampant that an official denial of Aniston's baby bump may be only hours away.