Charlie Sheen’s CBS Career to Go Off a Cliff, Literally

On the tail of a drug-induced media circus of highly entertaining but pathetic outbursts, producers of Two and a Half Men are making sure Charlie Sheen never sees the light of their cameras again.

After the media feeding frenzy that became of Charlie Sheen’s desperate pandering for attention in the past year, it pains me to see his name in my news feed once more. Though if CBS follows through with some prospective plans for his TV character’s dismissal, the Sheen-weary may finally get a sweet catharsis.

In an interview with TMZ, co-creator and producer Chuck Lorre says the show’s producers are considering having Sheen’s character, Charlie Harper, die in a fiery car crash after plunging off a cliff—a fitting metaphor for Sheen’s career and public image.

Note to Sheen: never make anti-Semitic comments about your boss. On that note, also don’t challenge him to a fight, claim you “violently hate” him, or God forbid, claim that you “own him.” Chuck Lorre and company own the show and control the pen which might possibly send you hurtling off a mountain face, and I can bet you’ll be driving something less like a Mercedes and more like a Pinto, notorious for its explosive potential.

Coincidentally, Sheen has plenty of experience with his cars being driven into ravines. Within a span of five months in 2010, Sheen was the victim of two separate carjacking instances, both in which his vehicles–two Mercedes–were stolen from his driveway and driven or pushed into ravines off Mulholland Drive near his home in Santa Monica.

According to Hollywood Reporter Sheen may have a brand new show soon. Until then, it seems Sheen will have to resort to another venture of his for a paycheck: whoring off his Twitter account to product endorsements like DirecTV.