SHOW YOUR SUPPORT

03/31/2017

Everybody Has An Opinion...

Anyone who has commented on this blog or the original DGMS blog knows that the comments are moderated. That means I get a copy of them and must force publish them in order for them to appear. I do this because the world is full of all kinds of people, including those who would use the comments sections as their personal toilet.

I do not mind differing, well stated opinions. (There is a recent controversial piece at DGMS that has been read by over 425,000 people, and I have only refused to publish a handful of ugly comments.) I post them without worry. That is how discussions happen. And there have been some great discussions through the years over at Don't Get Me Started.

I began moderating comments the day Toby came out publicly, the day our family came out publicly. Because there are some seriously unenlightened, bigoted, cruel, dangerous people in this world. They do not come to offer a different viewpoint or engage in discussion. They come with the intent to hurt.

So, no, I have no qualms about now moderating.

Today, however, I received a comment following the Coming Out On Top piece and I am going to share it here. Because to anyone who may think along the lines of this individual posting from the Los Angeles area (ISP look ups are so easy - I have deleted yours below to protect you from how easy it is to find you), I am going to clear up some things:

Comment:You should be disgusted with yourself Linda. It is not your right or your place to share the choices Toby is making with the world. That is for Toby to do. Nor should you be commenting on those choices or analyzing them/comparing them against choices you make. Most importantly Toby's transition IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I understand as your son, what happens with Toby might affect you in some way, but stop exploiting Toby to talk about yourself. You are a disgusting narcissist.

Sorry, I am not disgusted with myself for supporting my child. As for sharing his choices? I do not write anything here without first discussing it with Toby, getting his input, and approval.

The goal of creating this blog was to educate, to open minds and hearts, to HUMANIZE being transgender. This blog was started with Toby's blessing, in fact, he has written here multiple times.

As for Toby's transition not being about me? Sorry, sunshine, but I am at the ground zero of helping my son. Anyone on this journey with us is involved and experiencing their own form of transition. Toby is the one physically, emotionally transitioning, but if you think that the people who love him don't have a stake in this? Try again.

Now, as for that "talking about myself" slam? Look up. This blog is named Transparent Trans Parent. I am the parent of a trans child. Just as are MANY others out there. This is about support, sharing, explaining, exploring. So yes, I will continue to share the questions I am asked, the answers I may offer, and my personal experience as we move forward.

THAT IS HOW PROGRESS IS MADE.

If being a supportive mother who loves her son unconditionally, and who with his blessing, shares this journey with others, makes me a disgusting narcissist? So be it.

Finally, your commenter name is hilarious. (In fact, Toby laughed HARD at that) Friend to Toby? Give me a break. As the saying goes, "With friends like these..." You are not Toby's friend, and not protecting Toby from anything he is not actively involved in. For the record, he especially loved your made up email address "protecttoby.com"? He loves the irony and hypocrisy - disgusting narcissist much?

But thanks for sharing your ignorance and ugliness with the world. I hope you feel better about yourself for spreading your anonymous manure on the internet.

Linda, your blogs have taught me so much about many subjects, and for that I thank you. This person is just someone trying to make others think they are better than the rest.
More transgender children need parents like you and Rudy, who are working to not only support their son, but to teach other parents how it should be done. I feel priviledge to be able to say I am truly a "friend of Toby" as well as a friend of his amazing mother.

I'm at a loss for words. Having followed DGMS and now this new blog that shares the journey your family is on...I'm flabbergasted that someone thinks they need to "protect" Toby from you???? Cray cray.

Read some of the comments on the article I shared about the transgender man who had a baby. There are transgender men commenting in ways I was surprised by. I meant to share with you not directly to my wall as I was curious if Toby had thoughts on those particular reactions. Each person going thru the transition involved has a unique journey and I found it interesting and even a bit jarring that there were negative and even hostile reactions from transgender men. No doubt their views are expressed through the lens of their experiences. I'm glad Toby has such a wonderful supportive loving family. I do my darndest to be sensitive but like the author of the article I shared I may not always be able to express myself in a way that is not going to be insensitive or offensive. I hope I get proper criticism if I do that tho do I can correct

Well, humans are humans. There is just as much garbage, shade, and unkindness in the LGBT community as there is in the cis community - no one has cornered the market on bad behavior towards others. But within the T, there is also often frustration at being unable to move forward with a transition, I have seen a lot of jealousy directed towards those who have a support system and / or the ability to finance various phases of their transition. And unfortunately, some have the notion that one transition fits all, and if someone is not doing it "right" then they are not really transgender.

That being said, there is also extraordinary support to be found, genuine kindness, and amazing individuals all on their own unique journeys.

Assume this is about Chris Rehs-Dupin?

Being transgender does not mean that a person does not have maternal or paternal desires and feelings. Being able to create a life is an amazing, desired experience for many. And it is also a component that they know they must in all likelihood give up when beginning hormone treatment. Fertility is a result in most cases of testosterone treatment. That he was able to conceive and carry the child is because he had not started hormone therapy. His transition was taking HIS route. As I stated in the previous piece, the steps taken are different for each individual.

I wish that we move towards a time when transgender people are not demonized and maligned by society, instead they are wholly embraced and supported.

The trans man who gave birth is no less a man just because he still has functional female body parts. Just as a cis woman who has had a hysterectomy or mastectomy is no less a woman. That those in the transgender community may be attacking him is just sad.