Unreported

Last updated 08:38 28/02/2014

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Kicking it around

We start of this week with shock. Our shock. Unreported could hardly believe it when the Eltham Rugby Club was booted off its playing ground in favour of the football club. But we move with the times so we're getting used to it. Trouble is no one is really sure what these football chaps are called. The South Taranaki District Council calls them the Eltham Soccer Club, locals think it's the Eltham Associated Football Club and even the president of the club was unsure when he said Eltham Affiliated Football Club. To avoid confusion in future we propose "Eltham Round Ball Kicker Club". It has a ring to it, we think.

One of many?

Of course we are well aware you can never clear up all confusions but we would like to make an attempt on one here. This has to do with the recent placement of two stories in this paper that led one disgruntled caller to accuse us of having a "Catholic bias". Crikey. Now we're not going to deny this ridiculousness because that would lend the accusation some dignity. However, we may as well put our hand up to our liberal, conservative, Left wing, Right wing, business, wage earning, Maori, Pakeha, solar power, oil and gas bias as well. And that's just a few of them.

A thousand curses

Whoops. We forgot to mention Pukekura Park. Unreported is proud to say we can hardly think of it without weeping tears of pure joy. Which is why we once again issue a curse to those who vandalise this beautiful jewel, especially the ones who took the park's buggy for a night-time spin. May your pre-mix bourbon and cola drinks turn to vinegar, may your cigarette papers always be wet, may your homemade tattoos be misspelled and may your so- called mates rat you out to the police. We think that about covers all their fears and anxieties.

Park - pay, pay, pay

We are mad as hell about the increase in parking fees at New Plymouth Airport. In fact, everyone, except taxi drivers, are. Trouble is we know it's the type of thing we will have to get used to because the only way the New Plymouth district will be able to keep property rates down like councillors want, is by making us pay more for everything else. Super.

Tweet of the week

@JennyJohnsonHi5: The worst job at a tabloid must be the person whose job it is to make the sad rip between celebrity couple's pictures when they break up.