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Sunday, 31 January 2016

CCP Declares Plot to Stop Sion Kumitomo Running for CSM XI Has Been a Great Success

The intrigue of CSMGate#72 has deepened after it emerged that CCP had been working to depose Sion from the CSM ever since he announced he was running for it.

An anonymous CCP source told the Eve Onion that this scheme had been in the works for quite some time.

"Earlier this year we asked Jeff Edwards if he'd like to write a book on Eve. Naturally he accepted, but we told him we're pretty shit at businesses and told him he should do it for The Mittani's website. We knew mittens see the opportunity to make money and accept it, and we also knew that he would manage to fuck up the Kickstarter so it didn't get funded, which would prompt Sion to throw a few fits and become hated by the player base. Now we could exclude TMC executives from running by rightly pointing out they are a business and may have a conflict of interest. Voila, we won't have to deal with Sion next year."

This isn't the first time an intricate scheme has been worked out to overthrow a CSM though.

"Back in 2012 we were faced with the prospect of having mittens on the CSM for yet another year, and that's not something anyone wants. Just before the alliance presentation started I handed him some vodka and told him 'if you drink this you'll get bare keks out of the audience.' He took my advice and told someone to kill himself. Absolutely shameful behaviour. We had no choice but to remove him from the CSM after that."

We were assured that CCP are hard at work to find a way to dispose of Xenuria. Allegedly it's such high priority that every staff member at Rejavik is working on it, pushing back the release of Citadels by at least two months. Most players have accepted the delay is reasonable.

Credit to Niden for the article idea, his wallet will be enriched by 42,000,069 isk. If you would also like your wallet to be enriched and you have an idea for an article, send it to Tubrug1.