Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm sorry. My fault.

Sometimes I hate him. Sometimes I just really love him (Janusatorate Mayo) to stay with me for so long. I even regret the days when I'm feeling mad at him without any good reasons. But the truth is I really really love him.

I just felt so sorry last time when he sent me a message thru sms that he cannot come back anymore to help us with Lumacang's wedding. He left us before so he can remove his wisdom tooth that can cause him death. So he went to the Military camp. They have a dentist there. He was even required to take a rest for two weeks so it won't bleed all the the time.

Before he left, he said he's coming back to help us with the preparation since we're going to cater Lumacang's wedding. Now the situation had changed. Once he's inside the camp he cannot go out anymore. And his rest won't be enough for his wisdom tooth.

But what did I do? I forced him to leave the camp. I said hurting words that I don't really mean. I sent him back a message, "What?! You don't have a word of honor! Is that how an an army act?". I really think I hurt his feelings. I really regret it!

What he did is he ran away from the camp to meet us yesterday. I want to cry that time. It's like I forgot his deadly wisdom tooth and the rule he is dealing with. Once the officials find out that he's not inside the camp, he can never come back. My conscience is taking me over. I don't wanna look like a bad person to him who doesn't care about his feelings and situations.

I swear I'm in love with him. I just don't know how to show it well. I lack experiences. I don't know what to do. I'm still Immature.

He left us that night too. Someone knew he's not there and he needs to go back. I hope he can! God, please help him enter the camp again.

Today he has to ran away again. But I don't want him to come back here in us anymore. Yes, I like him around here. But if he comes back here and when this time he will be caught, I'll destroy one of his dreams.

I'm sorry. My fault.

Sometimes I hate him. Sometimes I just really love him (Janusatorate Mayo) to stay with me for so long. I even regret the days when I'm feeling mad at him without any good reasons. But the truth is I really really love him.

I just felt so sorry last time when he sent me a message thru sms that he cannot come back anymore to help us with Lumacang's wedding. He left us before so he can remove his wisdom tooth that can cause him death. So he went to the Military camp. They have a dentist there. He was even required to take a rest for two weeks so it won't bleed all the the time.

Before he left, he said he's coming back to help us with the preparation since we're going to cater Lumacang's wedding. Now the situation had changed. Once he's inside the camp he cannot go out anymore. And his rest won't be enough for his wisdom tooth.

But what did I do? I forced him to leave the camp. I said hurting words that I don't really mean. I sent him back a message, "What?! You don't have a word of honor! Is that how an an army act?". I really think I hurt his feelings. I really regret it!

What he did is he ran away from the camp to meet us yesterday. I want to cry that time. It's like I forgot his deadly wisdom tooth and the rule he is dealing with. Once the officials find out that he's not inside the camp, he can never come back. My conscience is taking me over. I don't wanna look like a bad person to him who doesn't care about his feelings and situations.

I swear I'm in love with him. I just don't know how to show it well. I lack experiences. I don't know what to do. I'm still Immature.

He left us that night too. Someone knew he's not there and he needs to go back. I hope he can! God, please help him enter the camp again.

Today he has to ran away again. But I don't want him to come back here in us anymore. Yes, I like him around here. But if he comes back here and when this time he will be caught, I'll destroy one of his dreams.