Dom in the Morning

The Jane Report

by Dom and Janeposted Sep 19 2013 5:51AM

Conan O'Brien talked about Apple's new operating system, iOS 7, which allows users to give Siri a male voice. He said when you ask the male Siri for directions, he responds angrily that he knows where he's going.

Jimmy Kimmel also joked about Apple's new launch of iOS 7. He says Siri's new male voice is like having a little Chaz Bono in your pocket.

And newlywed Kimmel may be worth a cool $35 million, but that doesn't mean he's too good for Costco. The "Jimmy Kimmel Live" host told guest Andy Samberg that he purchased his wedding band -- which he has since lost -- from Costco.com. When asked what his wife, writer Molly McNearney, thought about his choice, Kimmel replied, "She was like, 'Really? I'll buy you a nice ring.' And I was like, 'Look at this ring, it's nice, it's fine, it's a ring -- what do I care?' Good thing because I lost it." And clearly, the funnyman is a big fan of Costco. "I would have gotten married at Costco if that was an option," he added. The talk show host tied the knot with McNearney in Ojai, Calif. in July. Samberg popped the question to his girlfriend, singer/songwriter Joanna Newsom, in February 2013.

You might have heard that Jon Gosselin from "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" is now waiting tables for a living. But he says he's not desperate . . . he actually likes doing it. In an interview with "ET", he said he enjoys talking to people, and they already know him from the show.

Here's some not-entirely-unexpected news: Kate Winslet will NOT be changing her name to Kate Rocknroll. Why is that even an issue, you ask? Because in December, Kate married a guy named Ned Rocknroll. His GIVEN name was Abel Smith, but he legally changed it in 2008. He's Richard Branson's nephew. Kate says, quote, "I was never going to change my name to Rocknroll. I've never changed my name to anything so I didn't see a reason to start now."

While everyone is waiting for Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber to have a mental breakdown, Jim Carrey might just sneak up and beat them both to it. The not-always-reliable "National Enquirer" says that Jim's failed relationship with Jenny Mccarthy and diminishing box office appeal are starting to wear him down. A source says, quote, "Jim has suffered from severe depression in the past, and you have to worry those fearful days are coming back again. When you talk to him, he's not as animated as he used to be. He seems at a low point." The source adds, quote, "Jim thought he and Jenny were going to be together for a lifetime . . . He's been searching for real love, and there's no one to replace Jenny." To make things even worse for Jim, Jenny is currently co-hosting "The View" and smoking her Blu E-Cigs after sex with Donnie Wahlberg. Meanwhile, the closest thing he's had to a hit in years was "Mr. Popper's Penguins" in 2011.

It's time for our weekly "Gwyneth Paltrow is a Diva" story. "Life & Style" magazine says Gwyneth even plays the princess when she goes to the gym. A source says, quote, "Before she showers she makes someone go into the stall and wipe the entire shower dry. She refuses to touch what she calls 'somebody else's shower water.'" That's not all . . . quote, "She also refuses to use toilet paper that anyone has touched and demands an unopened package." Gwyneth's rep says none of this is true.

Kelly Osbourne is suing her former landlord, and it's not just for a lot of money. She's also defending her honor that she's not a filthy slob. In the lawsuit, Kelly says she rented a fancy apartment in West Hollywood, which has been home to many a celeb, including Lindsay Lohan, Adam Lambert and Brody Jenner. Kelly plunked down $18,700 as a security deposit before moving in. When she moved out, she claims the landlord never bothered to stop by to check out the unit, but shortly thereafter Kelly got bad news -- the landlord sent her an email notifying her of an estimate of damages. According to the landlord, the damage and cleaning expenses ate up her entire deposit so Kelly was informed she'd be getting zilch. Kelly is suing for her deposit back, and under California law if the landlord wrongly retained the deposit she gets up to twice the amount. She also apparently thinks the landlord is an a-hole, because she wants punitive damages to teach her a lesson.

Some "Wheel of Fortune" fans are outraged, because a contestant on Tuesday night's episode named Paul had a chance to win a MILLION DOLLARS if he could solve the puzzle . . . and only one letter was still hidden. And he DID come up with the correct answer, which was "Corner Curio Cabinet." (Pronounced "cure-ee-oh") But he pronounced the word "curio" as "KER-oh." Even Pat Sajak seemed surprised, and said the producers would listen to the replay to make sure they didn't cheat him. But they decided NOT to overturn their decision.

Here's Ellen's "Classic Joke Wednesday" joke from yesterday:
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
haha.