(Satire): President Obama announced at a White House press conference today that Paul Revere would be exhumed and posthumously hanged for spying, domestic terrorism, and treason on July 4th outside his home that still stands in Boston. Press conference excerpts:

President Obama: Mr. Revere spied on his own government and revealed national security secrets to domestic terrorists that killed 73 and wounded 174 government troops. These brave soldiers had lawful orders to enforce gun control. If it’s one thing we learned from American history, it’s that public acceptance of gun control prevents terrorist attacks on American soil.

Q: Didn’t the public have a right to keep arms for their own defense?

Obama: Of course. But did they need cannon and storehouses of gunpowder? Ordinary, law-abiding citizens do not need that kind of firepower. Soldiers were enforcing reasonable limits on weapons that could only be used for domestic terrorism.

Q: Paul Revere wasn’t the only person involved. Why focus on him for Independence Day?

Obama: Mr. Revere is the best known spy among the terrorists. Mr. Revere should be the first example of how America deals with spies who dangerously expose government officials. Americans need to reject voices that warn of government as nothing more than some separate, sinister entity that’s at the root of all our problems. They’ll warn that tyranny is always lurking just around the corner. You should reject these voices.

Q: What are your plans for other well-known domestic terrorists?

Obama: Next July 4th, we’ll exhume and punish the slaver who died on July 4th who wrote for treason against government: Thomas Jefferson. We’ll get the so-called “general” Washington on his birthday next year; the para-military rebel leader. Immediately, all traitors’ portraits will be removed from Federal Reserve currency: Washington will be replaced by a real American: George Bush Senior. Jefferson will be replaced by the greatest job-creator in US history: J.P. Morgan. Benjamin Franklin will be swapped with his Loyalist son, William, a fine example of a child with the courage to support government over family.

Q: And we understand you’re “rehabilitating” other historical figures?

Obama: We’ll have a secret military tribunal try him in absentia under the 2006 Military Commissions Act and 2012 NDAA. They’ll declare him guilty of spying and treason, and confirm his status as an unlawful enemy combatant. We chose hanging and public display of the body over a drone strike on his grave because of our commitment to minimize collateral damage from our lawful use of drones. I understand that Mr. Revere’s body was successfully exhumed, and is being strategically reinforced to support his indefinite suspension on our newest national monument (smile to press members’ laughter). Yeah, ride on this, Paul! (makes hanging gesture, more press laughter)

Q: What will you do if terrorist supporters try to retrieve Mr. Revere?

Obama: We’ll be ready. We’ve deployed new face-recognition cameras for known domestic terrorist suspects, have multiple security cameras with remote-controlled guns as in Israel, and can employ small personal-strike drones on anyone who enters the red zone. We’ve taken this challenge to defend America’s latest national monument to celebrate our freedom.

Q: How else will this new national monument to freedom help the average American?

(non-satiric note): Explore the links for the historical connections and Orwellian acts of US government in the present. For my best public and professional effort as a teacher of history, government, and economics, here’s my attempt to most accurately frame US history.

Carl Herman is a National Board Certified Teacher of US Government, Economics, and History; also credentialed in Mathematics. He worked with both US political parties over 18 years and two UN Summits with the citizen’s lobby, RESULTS, for US domestic and foreign policy to end poverty. He can be reached at Carl_Herman@post.harvard.edu

Note:Examiner.com has blocked public access to my articles on their site (and from other whistleblowers), so some links in my previous work are blocked. If you’d like to search for those articles other sites may have republished, use words from the article title within the blocked link. Or, go tohttp://archive.org/web/, paste the expired link into the box, click “Browse history,” then click onto the screenshots of that page for each time it was screen-shot and uploaded to webarchive. I’ll update as “hobby time” allows; including my earliest work from 2009 to 2011 (blocked author pages: here, here).

FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of political, economic, scientific, and educational issues. We believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: