UMBC Gender and Women's Studies Students Write Back

You look gay today.

I am so tired of people saying this to me. Yes, I am a lesbian, but can’t I just wear what I want without you pointing it out to me?

I came out to my parents a few days before my high school graduation. We were sitting at the dinner table when I blurted out, “I just want you both to know that i’m gay.” They looked at each other with a grin and said, “Yeah, we’ve known that since you were 3. So?” It’s funny to think about their response, but it’s true!

My mom has too many stories of my Grandmother insisting on dressing me in stupid frilly dresses when I was a baby and into my Kindergarten years. Even then, I looked ridiculous. I have always felt more comfortable in boys clothes and it wasn’t until I turned six that my grandmother finally bought a t-shirt for me from the boys section of Macy’s.

When I discovered skateboarding, my tom-boyish side really flourished. I only wanted to wear what the skater boys were wearing and thank god I had a supportive mother who knew me well and would bring home shirts and pants from the boys section.

It wasn’t until my junior year in high school that I began to feel comfortable with not only my sexuality but my appearance. I realized that I can still look feminine in my tomboy attire. But now as a 22 year old, I can’t quite escape the statement, “you look really gay today” or “you definitely look like a lesbian.” What does that even mean? It sounds more like a negative statement than anything when I hear people make comments like that. Some days I enjoy dressing up and others I feel more comfortable in a flannel and my skate shoes. I don’t want to look a certain way, I just want to be me. We should all live our lives like that.

Today, my Grandfather taught me how to tie a tie. Although he doesn’t know i’m a lesbian, nor will I ever tell him, it just goes to show that women can wear whatever the hell they want. If I want to wear a suit, so be it.

It can be extremely frustrating dealing with stereotypes. I doubt people say things to straight people such as, “You look so straight today.” I know that some of my lesbian friends get annoyed by being labeled, while others just brush it off. I think it’s important to remember not to let other people’s opinions or comments effect you. Gay and straight people come in all different forms. If people remembered this there would be less judgement in the world.

I really just busted out laughing at the ““I just want you both to know that i’m gay.” comment. I love how bold you were and really just gave zero fucks. On another note, it really blows me that people actually come up to you and say “you really look gay today.” I can’t even begin to comprehend how people can really just openly say that without regard to how you may feel. Honestly if someone ever said that to me, I would straight up respond with the straightest face, “what does gay look like?…lemme know..”

That is a lovely story! I don’t even know how to tie a tie, and I was raised as a guy until college. But, yeah, people commenting on the appearance of you i certain clothing as gay can be a bit annoying at times.

I really enjoyed your post, it was short, sweet and accurate. I am not gay, but your post includes subject matter that most people can relate to. There is a stereotypical appearance that goes along with most “classifications of people”. Your post has really helped me identify a lot of these ignorant ideas. For example “You look like a vegetarian, or you look like you went to a private school. The examples that I used are nothing compared to a person stereotyping your sexual orientation, but is shows how narrow minded and stereotypical our society can be.

this made me laugh. I’ve heard so many stories like this and I can relate to it too in a way. Even though I’m not gay, for some reason a lot of people assume I am! Because I have short hair? Cause I don’t like wearing dresses and being “girly”? It’s dumb that how we decide to dress and style ourselves supposedly reflects our sexual identities.

I have always wondered why people say once you tell them you are gay “oh my gosh I could totally tell by your appearance!” What the hell does that even mean? People feel the need to categorize everything and it is so irritating!