If you wanna hear it, ask me....if you can handle the truth......read it.....if you can't take the heat, by all means get out of the kitchen and WHATEVER you do.....don't disturb my gruuv!!
Carry on......

Thursday, April 27, 2006

I am sorry that it has been sooooo long readership, since I have posted anything. It truly seems that at night when I can post (bugaboo, muthafucka-looking-at-your-computer-screen-free) I am so dang on tired.

Allllllso, I am still trying to hone my photography/Photoshop skills at night after I am done with all of my other motherly duties and there is simply NO time to do it at work lately (except for now) hee hee. But seriously, I have always wanted to be a photographer and thought that it would simply not pay the bills. But now, I am tryin’ to be the next Herb Ritts ya’ll !!!

I have always been the one with a camera in hand at ANY event just WAITING to snap a pic! I also knew that before the digital age, I did NOT have the funds needed to mess up a whole Rite-Aid full of Kodak film, PLUS the developing costs just to learn. So it has always been on the back burner. Now that I have been able to buy a beginner’s pro camera (Nikon D50), I am rarin’ and set to go. Oh, but wait….there’s additional lenses that need to be bought, there’s additional flash units, lighting, backdrops not to mention Photoshop photo editing software and website software (yeah I want it all)...….and the list goes ON! Now, though my husband is supportive, he is ALSO NOT feeling the expensiveness of said camera equip. because the money is going OUT but it hasn’t come IN as of yet. So, I tread gingerly about what I have bought since I got this camera in November. Now, one thing I do NOT believe in at this point (because I am trying to become a professional) is skimping on the equipment. It’s kinda the “you get what you pay for “ theory. Now, I know that I can’t have a dayum $4,500 Nikon D2X, but I do need quality equipment. So, I’ve been a lil busy ya’ll ! But since it’s really just me trying to be happy with ME, and I have finally fond what I like,

have dreamed about this since I was a young girl, and now I am making it a reality ya’ll !! I am finally at the point where I am coming to terms with “who I am” and getting a better sense of “what I wanna do”. I have always been a person who never quite knew what they wanted to do. I have always been confused, hell, when I graduated from college, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be and it just so happened that I feel in to HR because I was doing it at this temp job that I had AFTER I graduated from college AND had a dang degree! So, this is a good feeling to be able to understand my OWN wants and desires and be able to have the wherewithal and support to make it happen! I’m not quite at the point where I am totally happy with self, but I am working on it…slowly but surely.

But onto the meat of today’s post! There are certain truths that I have come to accept about life, my life and people in general. Allow me to detail them to ya

1. Everyone is CRAZY to SOME extent. You just have to find the person who can deal with YOUR kind of craziness. That person? Who are those people? Answer: soulmate/best friend

2. A person will fuck you before they fuck themselves. Never forget that.

3. For the MOST part white people and black people think VERY differently…..probably because most whites and blacks have VERY different experiences ofttimes due to the color of their skin.

4. Though you may experience pain and hurt, time will heal most wounds

5. I have a natural propensity towards being lazy….if left to my own devices I would NOT work, and would do what I WANT TO DO all day (but that’s most people,eh?)

6. I will never be a size 6

7. Common sense ain’t too common. I encounter people often who do some DUMB-ASS SHIT and I think, “you couldn’t have POSSIBLY thought that was a good idea!!!!!” (but I guess they did, cause they did it!LOL)

8. If I do NOT make a career change that supports my creativity and freedom, I will NOT BE ABLE to retire until I am very old. I believe that if I am doing something I like that has the potential to be lucrative, I can make it work, because it will not BE work to me.

9. A whole lotta folks walk around with WHITE on like it’s O.K. to do before the traditional Memorial Day and we're in Michigan where it's possible that OUR asses could still see a snowflake or two at any given time before the end of MAY!(no, not winter white either)

10. Most men, even the progressive, savvy ones, want some aspects of a “traditional” wife/mother as their mate.

11. Stress is underrated……it will drive you crazy.

12. Children really do keep you young…..and on your toes!

13. My TRUE friends are for life

14. Working for a living is EXTEREMLY overrated. There are sooooooooo many other things to explore in this wide world and sadly, I will NEVER have the kinda time (more than likely) to do it!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Well, my little one has started to potty train himself. Yup, you heard me, potty train HIMSELF. I am amazed at him as I watch him grow and learn and SPEAK and put thoughts together and put sentences together. I am still in that “you are a real person” amazement phase that probably every mother goes through at some point or another. Sometimes I really hate that I can’t be at home with him, to teach him and to learn FROM him. He says “mommy, read book……” in his small a sweet voice as I am about to leave. His dad takes him to school on most mornings because he doesn’t have a micromanaging asshole clock-watching him , so he can be a little later going in to work. Sometimes, I don’t even get a chance to say good morning to my baby because I am gone before he wakes if it’s one of those days where he’s a little more tired. But on these days, when he really wants ME to stay (usually he’s a Daddy’s boy, much to my damn shagrin) it hurts me that I cannot be there and take the time to just sit down and do something as simple as read a book.

He now wants to feed himself, though he makes a mess, and it's so cute to see him try. And messes are o.k. after all, that's what being a kid is about. He can now pretty much feed himself out of this cereal bowl......all this and he's not even 2. Is that fast for his age **shrug** I dunno....I just know that I'm proud :-)

Women who are in the corporate work-world and are mommies deal with this all the time, but it’s different now. It’s different because it’s now ME. I now see and feel their pain. And I hate the fact that I have to leave him every single day and potentially miss out on his accomplishments. What if he has some big significant accomplishment with **gasp, gulp** with one of them “surrogate caregivers” (i.e. the daycare people) and not with ME or my husband! I hate the thought……. And thusfar, if anything major has happened in his development like 1st step or 1st word, the daycare folks haven’t said anything. But…..there is also a dichotomy within me……for I also know that within me, I am NOT a solely stay-at-home mother type. I would lose my everlovin mind being at home 24/7, no change of scenery, no change of venue, NO adult interaction and no break from my little one. Though I love my little one with every fiber of my being, since I LIVE where we’d be all the time and my shopping habit would be almost cut down to NOTHING since we’d be livin off one salary…….I might lose my mind with that option too.! I would ideally love to work 3 days a week and make at least 80% of what I make and have 4 days to spend with him. That would work…..wait hold on…

…….SLAP……

O.K., I’m back, I had to slap myself back into reality! That shit just ain’t probable…… it COULD happen if that PERFECT opportunity came and that PERFECT salary came with it, but REALITY is that that just isn’t MY reality. So, this is why it means so much to me when I ask the daycare folks “Have you been working with him in terms of potty training yet?” and they replied “No….. not as of yet, but he sees when we take all of the older kids to the bathroom etc……”. It makes me feel good that it is apparent that it is because of me and my husband that he is starting to train himself! He is a very smart little boy and seeing as though he’s a potty voyeur (i.e. you CAN’T go to the bathroom without him being present) he’s picked up on everything from sitting on the potty, to the fact that you need tissue, to washing your hands when you are done.

So, here we are, in the potty and since I introduced him to his potty seat last week, he’s been uberly fascinated with it. So, he OUT.OF.THE.BLUE says “Mommy, I go potty…”. I say “Do you have to GO potty or did you already go?” . He says “I got go potty”. Well, la-dee-da…..I am ALLLLLLLLLL to happy to oblige him, I take the potty seat, plop it on top of the regular seat (I personally think those things that kids piss and shit in that I HAVE TO CLEAN OUT are DISGUSTING for that VERY reason, so that ain’t goin down in Motown) and I take his diaper off and plop him on it.

Laaa la laaa laaa

“what…what’s that I hear?” This boy starts peeing after like 2 minutes! I was amazed! See below.....

Boy asked for his tissue and everything!! LMAO!! He is tooooo funny to me!

So, after that, we get off the potty and he asks to wash his hands (dayum my baby is smart!) and the one thing I have to say is that if this keeps up, he'll be trained by his 2nd birthday! And Mommy couldn't be MORE overjoyed at THAT possibility!!! Though these days are the sweetest days in terms of him still being my "baby", I am also excited to see him grow and learn and ask for things in sentences ("mommy I want apple" or "i don't like it" or "mommy washie hands for me" or my favorite "I carry you" which means he wants ME to carry HIM down the stairs). I know this time is fading fast, and he'llbecome more independent and I can see he ALREADYhas his daddy's love of people (the boy ain't scared to talk to NOBODY)and his agressive, competitive nature. Cause Momma is more relaxed than them two men in my house, so he OBVIOUSLY got it from the "daddy monkey" as he calls his father. And YES he really calls him that when he's with me or when he's with him.....and YEEEEEEEES I started him calling him that and it kinda stuck so now the baby calls him that! LOL TOO FUNNY! But, he's growing up and soon will be riding bikes, and playing T-ball and liking girls....

But for now he's my Elmo loving, sweet boy and that's just the way I like it!