Tag: squash match

(Who’s got two shaka brahs and a trip to the emergency room scheduled for this weekend? THIS GUY!)

When the UFC made it’s long-awaited return to Boston in August of 2013, it booked TUF 17 runner-up Uriah Hall against Nick Ring in a pivotal middleweight matchup. Ring pulled out almost immediately (there’s probably a joke to be made there) due to injury, and was replaced by fellow TUF 17 alum Josh Samman. Less than a month out from their fight, Samman was forced out of the bout and replaced by John Howard, who went on to defeat Hall via split decision.

And unfortunately, the second time around seems like more of the same for Hall. Minus that whole “losing by split decision” thing. Probably.

But you’re probably wondering: Did the UFC manage to scrounge up some poor sap to face Hall on a week’s notice? And does this poor sap’s nickname make me yearn for the days of Louis “Handgunz” Taylor? Those answers are after the jump!

Then again, confidence has never really been an issue for Overeem, and it’s easy to see why. When he is paired up against anyone less than a top contender, Overeem fights as if he’s been beamed down from a distant planet (let’s call it, “Pectoria”) to remind us humans of how puny and insignificant we are in the grand scheme of it all. Even his nickname, “The Demolition Man”, is otherworldly in its awesomeness.

And while it’s true that Overeem has struggled against upper echelon competition throughout his career, it’s also true that there isn’t a fighter alive who crushes cans quite like he does (not that Rothwell is by any means a can). Ubereem is the foremost purveyor of squash matches, indeed, so let these eight videos serve as a testament to his greatness.

In Which The Uber Makes Gary Goodridge Cry Out in Agony

By the time Gary Goodridge got around to fighting Alistair Overeem, he was a 42-year-old (though oddly enough, introduced as 32) relic of his former self who was waist deep in the eight-fight losing streak that would end his MMA career. Overeem, on the other hand, had just obliterated Mirko Cro Cop‘s testicles at DREAM 6. To say that these men’s careers were heading in opposite directions would be a slight understatement.

Former UFC slugger Joey “The Mexicutioner” Beltran has fallen on some hard times, y’all. While he’s never been what you would call a world-beater, his past five fights have resulted in two decision losses, one knockout loss, a win overturned due to a post-fight failed drug test, and a submission win over a 43-year-old and already retired Vladimir Matyushenko at Bellator 116. A gutsy, take-no-prisoners kind of fighter Beltran may be, but its safe to say that “The Mexicutioner” isn’t exactly next in line for a shot at the title, even in Bellator’s ultra-shallow light heavyweight division.

But rather than fall back on the old standby of how fights like Rousey vs. Davis are a clear sign of the UFC’s rapidly dissolving product, I’ve instead opted to compile a list of things more likely to happen than a Davis win on Saturday…

(Say what you will about Dashon’s qualifications, but there’s no denying that the dude packs an epic punch-face.)

Meet Dashon Johnson, a.k.a “Fly Boy” a.k.a the latest undefeated “prospect” to be signed by the UFC. A former professional boxer who amassed a by definition mediocre record of 15-15, Johnson has gone 9-0 as an MMA fighter and was recently booked to face TUF Nations washout Jake Matthews at Fight Night 43. I know, you’ve probably already marked this fight down on your calendars.

The combined record of Johnson’s opponents to date is 13-39, with 12 of those wins belonging to one fighter, Brady Harrison. Even worse, at the time Johnson faced each of the tomato cans his record has been padded with, these were their records (in chronological order):

The answer is simple: Nobody, including Faber himself, has the slightest idea who his opponent is, or why the fight was booked in the first place.

We are speaking of Yuri Alcantara, the one-fight WEC and five-fight UFC veteran who, even in light of this fight booking, is all but completely unknown by many of the sports casual fans. Hell, even the diehards would probably have to consult Sherdog before pretending to know who Alcantara is. We’re talking about a guy whose most notorious UFC moment came when his opponent faked an injury at UFC on FX 7and screwed him out of a victory for crying out loud. So he scores a quick KO over a UFC noob last month and suddenly he’s ready for a fighter of Faber’s caliber? Bitch, meet please.

(Cormier, seen here after placing his life savings on Staring while wearing his lucky spandex.)

Well, it’s official, Strikeforce is planning to go out with a bang, and by “a bang” we mean “a public execution.” From the very first moment they announced that newly appointed heavyweight champion Daniel Cormier would be facing complete unknown Dion Staring in a non-title affair, we knew that the odds would be astronomically in Cormier’s favor, but -2000?!! MMAFighting’s Shaun Al-Shatti first broke the news via his Twitter:

Wow. Daniel Cormier opens as a -2000, I repeat, -2000 favorite over Dion Staring. Not quite the same as Frank Mir, is it?

This begs one to ask: Is Staring coming into this fight following a recent amputation? He’s a no-namer, sure, but the man also sports a 28-7 record compared to Cormier’s 10-0. Sure, Cormier’s fought a far higher level of opponents in those 10 fights, but at these odds, Staring has a better chance of knocking himself unconscious in the sauna than he does of beating Cormier. Hell, I have a better chance of knocking out Cormier in the sauna then this poor bastard does.

For a little perspective, consider this: Anderson Silva — that would be ten time defending UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva – was favored at around -1350 over Stephan Bonnar. The highest discrepancy in Strikeforce history came when Cris Cyborg fought Jan Finney at Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum, which also topped out around -2000. The highest discrepancy in MMA history (to my knowledge) came when Antonio Rogerio Nogueria fought Sokoudjou at Pride 33 (-2500) — a fight the former ended up losing, by the way.

It’s time for some real talk, Potato Nation. Stephan Bonnar is booking a one-way train ticket to Painsville Station on Saturday night and Anderson Silva is the conductor. I know it, you know it, the bookies know it, and your mom knows it (I asked her last night. Say hi to her for me, alright?). Matter of fact, if “The American Psycho” is simply able to come away from the fight in the same state of matter he began it in, everyone watching will unquestionably declare his performance a win for America, the UFC, and perhaps even the Caucasian race.

But this fight is about more than who’s accomplished what or who holds what title or who may or may not have lost to a decrepit Mark Coleman. There are several x-factors at play here, and when we decided to match up Stephan Bonnar and Anderson Silva for one of our infamous head to head sessions, the results might surprise you. Let’s get started.

Well, my friends, prepare to have your minds blown, because Bonnar’s camp just released a video that lays out in intricate detail his plans to dethrone (figuratively speaking) the untouchable legacy of “The Spider” once and for all. We’re not saying it is foolproof, but we are saying that it has no discernible flaws whatsoever and Silva is a dead man.