Blame is a tricky thing- it’s easy to blame another person for anything and everything that goes wrong. And sometimes that “wrong” is just something that didn’t go the way the blamer wanted it to.

The blamee then has the choice to accept the blame (which happens waaaaaaay too often) or stand up and reject it, set a boundary, and be a mirror to the blamer rather than a sponge for the blame.

Taking responsibility for a mistake, bad decision, or wrong choice is a far different matter. It’s healthy to recognize and own up to our own errors and misjudgments; that allows us to grow.

Accepting the blame for things that we can’t control? Not so healthy.

Setting limits with someone who chooses to blame others for the fact that they aren’t happy with their own life, or that something didn’t happen the way they wanted it to can cause friction. Too many of us try to avoid the friction and accept that blame. This causes us to live outside of integrity with our own selves.

Being courageous and accepting that there will be friction can be daunting but so worth it!

Deciding to recognize that just because someone blames you it doesn’t mean it is your fault is liberating.

Letting blamers know that you will no longer take ownership of their feelings will not only help you grow and feel more aligned with your own values, but could also be the reality check they need.

They may enter a space where they can grow as well! Or not... it’s not your responsibility to set their path or make sure they stay on it.

For individuals who are in recovery, starting over can be an overwhelming thought. Figuring out how to find sustainable housing and a new job while also ensuring that your sobriety is a priority can be challenging, especially if you have children or other responsibilities. Add to that the fact that it can be hard to find support from family members after a period of substance abuse and what you have is a formula for anxiety, depression and even relapse.

Now that the “calm” of back-to-school ad Halloween is done, Christmas carols, TV commercials, and store displays race to be the first to get our attention. Co-workers, friends and family members are throwing invitations to parties around like hotcakes, and our “should do” lists grow exponentially each day. There are presents to buy, a house to decorate, cookies to bake, menus to plan, and oh yeah, that concert at the kids’ school!

nner Peace is always there inside us; we have the option to find it at any time. Unfortunately, it is often hidden by the fog of everyday stressors- work pressure, school, family obligations, news stories, traffic, encounters with rude people.

Over the past several weeks there has been a rash of home robberies in my hometown. The thieves are targeting houses when nobody is home, breaking a back window with a rock or a propane tank, entering the residence, and stealing easy-to-carry items like laptops, jewelry boxes, and other smaller valuables.

There is understandably a ton of heightened emotion around this issue.

People, even those who have not been targeted, feel violated. They are worried about their own safety, the safety of their families, and belongings. Our homes are our sanctuaries, and the fact or possibility of them being broken into is scary.

But, many are taking to social media in order to fan the flames of fear.

Granted, it is beneficial for us to be aware of what is going on, what to look out for, and what the perpetrators look like. What cars have been seen.

The uncertainty of whose house will be targeted next can be terrifying! But that terror can be crippling.

Fear caused by this uncertainty can lead to suspecting malice in every bump in the night; every stranger walking down the street; every knock at the door. I’ve seen posts proclaiming how many bullets would be used, and others describing fear of interacting with any stranger, at home and out in the world. And yet others blaming my town’s teenagers, when no evidence exists that teenagers are involved. The only people described are white males in their 30s.

A healthy caution is good- being sensible about safety at home and when out and about can usually prevent us from being in a dangerous situation. Some of these precautions can be:

Keeping your home’s doors and windows locked when not home and at night.

Verifying the identity of anyone coming to the door. House to house salespeople are required to get a permit in my town, and utility workers will have company identification. You can always call the company to double-check that an employee is legitimate before opening the door.

Home security systems. Here’s an affordable one on Amazon: YI 4pc Home Camera, Wireless IP Security by YI for $99.99 http://amzn.to/2Cf5Lkr

Noting and reporting to police any suspicious activity in the neighborhood.

Getting to know the neighbors, and watching out for each other’s homes.

Being aware of surroundings when out and about.

Parking under lights at parking lots or on the street if out after dark.

The Buddy System- going out in pairs or more.

Getting a dog.

Learning to protect yourself. Martial arts centers can help. Obtaining a firearm can help if you obtain a license, learn to use it responsibly, and know the laws about use of deadly force in your state. A word of caution; guns can be taken from and turned on the owner, and are a desirable item for the thieves to steal, so make sure it is in your control or locked up at all times if you do get one.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but are some good tips to be aware of.

THEN...

Breathe. Go about your life. Be aware but not afraid. I know that can be easier said than done, but worrying about something we can’t control zaps vitality and enjoyment from life.

If the worry and stress get to be too much, know that the deep relaxation a Reiki treatment provides can help you regain balanced emotions. I am available for you by appointment at Milford Body Therapy, 318 New Haven Avenue, Milford, CT. Email me at shaileen@seekyourcenter.com for more info or to schedule your appointment.

Many people I speak with describe to me how they feel disconnected from themselves. They feel disconnected from family, friends, and the world around them, and they feel like they’re just going through the motions to get through each day. Their lives, they share, are devoid of peace and fulfillment.

We are not meant to live this way!

Reiki, an energy healing method, can help. It promotes deep relaxation and balance of energy in the body, which brings a feeling of well-being and allows for the transformation of negative energy which blocks feelings of connectedness into positive energy, opening you to the ability to connect with yourself and others.

You’ll be amazed at how good you feel after receiving Reiki! You’ll feel a sense of calm, increased compassion for yourself and others, and reduced stress. Colors can even seem brighter!

Having a “Girls’ (or guys’) Night In” at your home? You can schedule me to come, set up in a separate space, and provide Reiki treatments for your guests! Call for more info, 203-258-0841, or email shaileen@seekyourcenter.com