Douches on a carpet

How do you look less douchey? Stand next to someone super-douchey. Like, I don’t mind Keith Urban’s hair so much when Tiger Woods’s shirt and John Mayer’s hat get in the way.

Right?

I don’t give a sh-t who you are…

Prince Hot Harry on a Horse couldn’t pull off that goddamn shirt. And if your man, if he comes home with one of these? You need to tell him to check himself. That’s trouble. That’s a piece of clothing that was invented for infidelity, I promise you.

Which…

I mean I find this so confusing because who are the dumb twats who’d agree to sleep with a man wearing this kind of shirt? These women concern me.