What Not to Do at a Shi’a Wedding

1. Do not try and shake the groom’s hand
2. Do not wear your Nine West sparkly gold heels, not because they’re inappropriate but because women are competitive, especially at weddings
3. Do not make enemies with the bride
4. Do not make enemies with the mother of the groom

I didn’t know the thing about shaking hands, but I was doing what we do in the West, shaking hands in congratulations. Not until I put out my hand did I notice he was holding the Quran and figured he wasn’t supposed to touch another woman apart from his wife. Mistake number 1.

Mistake number 2. My friend who I went with told me to wear Western style dress because underneath the hejab the women are all hooched up. They dress to compete with each other since no men are allowed at the bride’s party. Then he saw what I was wearing and said that I was about to step into a viper’s den and would get bitten alive. Apparently I looked too good and was therefore competition. Competition for what???? No men were there!!!!!

Mistake number 3 was not my fault, the bride was not impressed with mistake number 1 which no one explained to me.

Mistake number 4 was also not my fault. I was invited to the wedding by the father of the groom whom I met the week before. After the wedding when I told my friend that the mother was NOT friendly to me, he explained that she was probably ticked off because her husband made a big deal of me being there. Again, women are very competitive. WHAT IS OUR PROBLEM???????

I have many other observations about what I witnessed that evening but let’s leave it to this one: I think the Sunnis are hipper and more fun but I’m not sure I want to go to one of their weddings to confirm that.

Sorry, not a lot of pictures since I don’t want to post the women without their permission.