With only 2 games left in the 2011-2012 Cleveland Browns season, the Orange and Brown are destined for another top 5 pick in the draft maybe a little bit lower. This Christmas Eve the Browns are headed out to the awful city of Baltimore, home of the Ravens (sorry you bandwagon Ravens fans). Today marks the great Holiday known as Festivus, so get ready for the Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength, because being a Browns fan leaves you pretty upset every Sunday afternoon.

Airing of Grievances

Before I begin I remind you to get the pole out of the crawl space, because Festivus is part of your heritage.

Peyton Hillis- Will you just learn how to hold onto the football and stop being such a baby about your contract? Toughen up and take some advil for your strep throat.

Pat Shurmur- I love Shurmur as a coach, isn’t his fault about the record, but Pat must learn how to talk to the media. It’s like your scared about what they are going to write about you.

Greg Little- Hold onto the football already, I know it’s scary when James Harrison is coming for your head, but this team pays you to take those hits. Come on man.

Joe Flacco- I can’t stand your inconsistency, sometimes you look elite and other times you resemble Curtis Painter.

Ray Rice- Stop being so good, I find your small size very distracting because somehow you tear apart the Browns twice a year.

Ed Reed- Shave your beard, you look as if you’re trying to be a homeless man who plays professional football and seriously just retire already.

Terrell Suggs- Go play for another team where you are the star defensive player, Baltimore doesn’t need you. Cleveland does.

And Finally, the whole Cleveland Browns organization- I try to support as many things as I can, but we seem to blow every single opportunity. Lets change that this year and make sure team President Mike Holmgren and GM Tom Heckert start making the right decisions.

Feel free to comment your grievances on the bottom before you lose your train of thought…

Feats of Strength

I’d like to see Peyton Hillis take on Ray Rice on Saturday, I mean this is the only battle Cleveland might actually have a chance in.

So come on Cleveland let’s hope for a Festivus Miracle, beating the Old Browns would be something to cheer about.

Here are a few videos that might brighten the mood:

December 23rd is always a Festivus for the Rest of Us.

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Written by Corey Rioux
A wise man once told me, "Sports are modern-day mythology." I tend to disagree.
Proper grammar is optional.
You can read my columns here: http://www.prosportsblogging.com/author/c_rioux23/
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6 Comments

In response to “A Festivus Miracle”

I’m pretty sure you know what my grievance is, and it’s not you just cashing in the last two weeks of the season. One of your better pieces, though, but I’m thinking you haven’t ripped into Peyton Hillis enough.

Granted, I never really bought into the Hillis-hype that followed him last year after he tore up the Patriots. Sure, he’s built like a monster and is a strong runner, but I feel as though NFL and Browns fans alike expected too much out of him.

You should also probably be more courteous to the city of Baltimore, Little Buddy.

Honestly, i think if anything people have ripped into Hillis too much. one injury in a contract situation and all of a sudden he isn’t trying and all other stuff comes up.

The source of all the controversy has been in fact the Cleveland sports media who have a habit of speculation and drumming up some controversy when there is none. We are talking about the same media who predicted that the Browns would cut Colt in favor of Brett Ratliff last year. Don’t know who he is? that’s the point.

the Hillis hype was a little bit. he did slow down at the end of the year, but a lot of that was due to poor blocking and injuries. He is definitely a browns fan favorite, but isn’t a feature back. The Browns need another.

Very good read. Thanks for this. Kinda glad you didn’t start airing grievances to Holmgren which has seemed to happen a lot recently. His biggest job was bringing in Heckert who gets an A in my book so far.