18 perhaps even convict him of setting fire to this particular house, besides ac- cusing þim of various qther bonfires, which he really did st rt. 2. An impeccable judge hears a mil- lion-dollar suit, The People versus the town's most unpopular public utility. Naturally enough, the newspapers take sides with considerable energy. The Post says the fate of the people lies in the hands of our hero, the judge, and the Sun thunders that all hope for pri- vate property, the purity of women, and the sanctity of the home may be aban- doned if the Mammoth Gas, Oil, Elec- tric & Horsecar Company loses the de- CISIon. While public opinion seethes madly around, the judge goes home to consult the court record, Blackstone, and God. To his mild regret, he finds that the Mammoth Company has a decided edge on The People, and he writes a ten- thousand-word decision, all pretty ob- scure, to prove it. Two days before he is to hand down his opinion, his wife gives a party, and who should turn up among the dinner guests but his old Harvard classmate, Willie Moncrief. Willie, who is now, by dint of some fast sleight-of-hand work, president of the Mammoth Com- pan y, gets the judge aside for a long talk about those dear, dreamy days when he played the tuba and the judge blew the bassoon in the Harvard band. From a distance, the other guests-interested spectators, to put it mildly-cannot tell whether the two old boys are telling dirty jokes or talking business. Natural- ly, they think the worst. Next day, sure enough, the Post headlines, "Judge Has Private Talk with Mammoth Company Presidént." The judge sees his reputation crum- bling, his old age disgraced, etc. The case IS so obscure that even to an ex- pert's eye, it's anybody's fight. Should the judge, a believer in pure justice, kick the public utility in the teeth to save his own name, or not? 3. A radio announcer, in the pay of a big breakfast-food company, falls up- on a copy of the late.st bulletin of the Consumers Union. There he reads the startling news, startling to him, any- way, that the Tasty Toasties he has been plugging over the air are down- right poison. Each little Tasty Toasty, he learns with horror, is coated with morphine. "The Toasty Company is breeding a nation of dope fiends," the Consumers Union piece ends up, on a strong note. Now, our radio announcer loves kid- THE. HAPPY SOLIPSIST SOL'IP-SISM. Phi/os. The theory or belief that only knowledge of the self is pos- sible, and therefore that for each in- dividual mind itself is the only thing really existent.-Funk & U-agnaZls New Standard Dictionary. How happy is the solipsist Who looks abroad and does not find That either you or I exist Except as figments of his mind! For hIm the woes of earth subside, He sees them all with humorous phlegm; And all its beauties are his pride, For he has just created them. I met a taxi-driver once Who put his faith in solipsism; F or him the world and its affronts Were products of his organism, And I, his passenger, the least And last of his phenomena, Whose fearful outcries but increased His glad, omnipotent huzza. -MORRIS BISHOP . dies, and kiddies, apparently, are the main customers of the Toasty Com- pany. On the other hand, he has as- sorted starving relatives and girl friends whom he supports on his miserable $2,000 a week.- Should the radio announcer throw up his job with the Tasty Toasty Com- pany, thus wrecking his radio career, or should he calm his conscience with the thought that if the kiddies don't '-' learn about Tasty Toasties from him, they most certainly will from some other paid slave? 4. An exceedingly honest lady from Westchester, who goes to the Congregational church and has brought her children up to tell the truth, gets a phone bill for $80, on which the chief item is a call to Hollywood. The lady calls up the com- pany and raises holy hell, pointing out that no one in her family would think of calling up Hollywood. The phone company sends out braces of assistant managers. Our lady is firm. The company threat- ens to take out the phone and sue her. The aroused lady subscriber double- dares them to do it. Her cause becomes famous throughout the tree-lined streets of Westchester. All sorts of respectable ladies write nastr letters to the phone . company. The local branch of the League of Women Voters passes a res- olution, and our heroine's literary club votes a mass boycott. All the ladies refuse to pay their phone bills until their Leader gets justice. At this point, the phone company, finding an aroused citizenry on its hands, gives in. Two days later Junior comes home from college and says, "Mother, you taught me not to tell a lie. It was I who called up Jean Har- low." Should the lady rush right down to the phone company and confess her mistake, facing the scorn of the lady voters, or shouldn't she? 5. A struggling young I gangster, so poor that he has had to pawn his ma- chine gun, is befriended by a successful but gener- ous racketeer. The racke- teer teaches his protégé his business, and finally, such is his trust in the younger man's ability and good faith, makes him his right-hand man. One day he says, dreamily, to his young friend, "Pal, if I should ever get run over by an automobile, or catch the flu suddenly, I've fixed it so that you inherit the busi- ness." Should our gangster, a strugg- ling youngster determined to Make Good in life, knock off his benefactor, or not? -RUTH McKENNEY