Dear Abby: Aunt denies having drug addiction

Dear Abby: My Aunt “Betty,” with whom I have always been close, is 68 and retired. She is abusing prescription drugs and spends several days a week passed out or confused — sometimes hallucinating. I rarely call her anymore because all she does is mumble and make odd comments. Sometimes she passes out on the phone.

My uncle is in denial. He comes from a generation where family problems are kept within the family. He refuses to seek professional treatment for her or get her into detox. Caring for Aunt Betty is affecting his health, but he refuses to budge.

Please don’t tell me to notify her doctor — I already tried. Aunt Betty is an accomplished manipulator and doctor-shops until she finds new doctors who load her up when the old ones won’t cooperate.

Confronting my aunt when she’s coherent only makes her angry. She denies she’s abusing drugs because “they are all prescription.” — Desperate Niece in Florida

Dear Desperate: Because your uncle isn’t able to insist that your aunt get professional help, allow me to offer a suggestion. The next time she passes out during one of your phone conversations, call 911. When she winds up in the emergency room, her doctor will be alerted about the overdose. It would be a first step in seeing her get the help she needs.

Dear Abby: Our wedding plans have taken a sudden turn. My fiancee, “Carolyn,” has a wealthy father with a reputation for being an extreme tightwad. Carolyn was profoundly touched when he offered to pay for most of the wedding expenses.

Last night, Carolyn’s mother confessed to us that Carolyn’s father is not paying for the wedding. He is deducting the expenses from Carolyn’s inheritance from her grandmother. To make matters worse, he has the gall to make demands about the wedding as if he was paying for it himself.

Carolyn is so deeply hurt by this deception that she doesn’t even want her parents to attend the wedding. All of the joy has gone out of the wedding.

Abby, how do you think we should handle this? — Flummoxed Fiance in New York

Dear Flummoxed Fiance: I think you should elope.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.