As some of you know, dirty talking and verbal/text escalation are two of my specialties. A lot of guys I know in real life watch me do it and tell me they could never say the stuff that I say because it’s just not them or whatever. Sometimes they’ll even ask me for text help and I’ll tell them to say something and they’ll pussy out.

I just heard a great song that I hadn’t heard in a long time, but it’s so relevant to this topic. The song “Tear You Apart” by She Wants Revenge is a great song if you want to learn how to dirty talk. Memorize the lyrics as prose and you’ll be getting those panties wet in no time. The lyrics are here:

Got a big plan his mind’s set, maybe it’s right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
In a whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make-out and kiss hard, wait, never mind

Late night in passing, mention it flip
To her best friend, it’s no thing, maybe it slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to like
And she walked in he froze up, leave it to fright

It’s cute in a way till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, knees get weak
Escape was just a nod and a casual wave
Obsess about it heavy for the next two days

It’s only just a crush it’ll go away
It’s just like all the others it’ll go away
Or maybe this is danger and he just don’t know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
“I wanna fucking tear you apart”

Then he walked up and told her thinking maybe it’d pass
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back thought about it, what should they do?
Cause there’s always repercussions when you’re dating in school
But their lips met and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
Wanted to do things to her, it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
“I wanna fucking tear you apart”

From the beginning, look at the push-pull: “At the right place and right time, maybe tonight, In a whisper or handshake sending a sign, Wanna make-out and kiss hard, wait, never mind.”

This song is basically a how to of pulling a girl from a bar/getting her to fuck you on the first date. All the body language instructions: grab her around the hips and pull her tightly into you, skin to skin. Then chest to chest so you can feel each other’s hearts beating. Take slow, deep breaths, tell her to close her eyes. Grab her by the hair on the back of her neck and whisper in her ear, “I want to fucking TEAR YOU APART.”

Tuesday night I went out with a couple buddies to kick some game. There are a couple of places in NYC that have a good scene on Tuesday nights due to open bars from 11-12, so I usually go out despite having to work the next day, although I often don’t stay out past 1 or 1:30 unless it’s ON with a girl. This kind of sucks because a lot of the hotties are not even arriving until 1 or later and even if they’re there and it’s on they probably won’t leave you this early in the night.

Things were going well; I had been doing my typical thing where I had a few girls attracted that I could re-open at any time, although none that were getting my sperm jumping and none interested enough to pull. Out of no where, I get a text booty call from a number I don’t know. Now getting booty called isn’t new to me, but this was the first time that I’ve ever been booty called by a number that was not in my phone, I mean, typically when a girl gets deleted from my phone it’s because the number’s pretty dead. I start wondering who it is, asking girls I’m talking to about it, etc. Anyway, here’s the text convo:

MysteryGirl: Hey you

Hammer: Hey, what’s up?

MysteryGirl: I’m in the city for the week.

Hammer: Where are you right now?

MysteryGirl: Tenjune

Hammer: You know what’s weird? I totally don’t remember where we first met (trying to get some clue as to who this girl is)

MysteryGirl: Me either (swoot, that’s really all she could give me?)

Hammer: Okay im not gonna lie, I don’t know who you are. Who are you?

MysteryGirl: Firstname Middlename Lastname of new york (from now on FlakeyIsraeli)

Hammer: Oh gotchya, How was the holy land? (I am facebook friends with her and so I knew she was living in Israel)

FlakeyIsraeli: Still fab, in ny for the week (she’s repeating herself, first sign of her maybe being too drunk)

H: Alright well im gonna hop on the subway and head home. You can meet me there if you want. X St and X Ave. Otherwise we can hang tomorrow

Alright so a little back story. I met this girl in December on a Friday in one of my bars where I’m a regular. It’s a bar that has great logistics and is pretty close (20 minute walk 5 minute cab) as well as cheap drinks, but is very hit or miss talentwise. Anyway, long story short, I open her at like 1:30, it’s on. We talk for a bit, I pull her to the couches in the back, she gives me sexual innuendo opening and I barge through it with cold reads about her being submissive and liking it rough. I tease a bit, then give her a little caveman stuff and start making out with her. I quickly escalate the makeout and go to my signature neck move and she starts to get turned on. I screen logistics, make out more. I tell her let’s go somewhere, she says she can’t leave her friends. I go back to signature neck move, she gets really turned on and says “alright, let’s go.”

I close out my tab, she talks to her friends, we grab a cab to her place down on Wall St. This was probably my first big mistake. I live nearby (but with my parents), she lives 6 miles away (but alone), so I figured let’s just do it and I’ll keep her buying temperature high in the cab by escalating. But the whole time, her friend is being really bitchy, mad that she left with me. Long story short, I pay for the cab, we get to her lobby, she’s sitting on the floor texting the friend, I tell her we should go upstairs because I have to use the bathroom. She doesn’t move. I wait like 5 minutes, but I really did have to use the bathroom, so I ran across the street and pissed in an alley.

When I got back, she was gone. The doorman said she went upstairs, but I don’t have her number or apartment number or even last name. I wait for a bit but then just bounce. She did have a weird first name though and I new her school so I facebook her, sending her a message saying that I’m going to have to punish her for ditching me like that, but also leaving her my number telling her to hit me up. I don’t expect much, after all, she did ditch me, but Saturday night when I’m out I get a text from her at like 10ish. I try to set something up, she sort of stops responding at some point, oh well. A couple of days later I try to schedule something with her, she flakes. Then a few days later, I text her and she doesn’t respond. I don’t care that much because this girl is a 7 (hot enough to fuck but not quite hot enough to be a girlfriend), so I pretty much give up and the next time I went through numbers in my phone I deleted hers. Cut to Tuesday over 4 months later, she texts me out of the blue at 1:30am.

So I texted her the next day when I got home from work:

H: Hey what are you up to tonight? Let’s hang

FI: Omg did I text you last night

H: Lol yea you totally booty called me.

FI: Ha! Apparently chamagne and xanax are an awful combo!

H: Yea that’s definitely a little dangerous. We were going to get together but at some point you stopped responding so i figured you were too drunk and just went home

FI: Interesting. Idk. Woke up at a friends from home, not even sure when or how I met up with him. So there’s that!

This is a typical shit test. She is testing me for neediness, talking about staying at a friend’s and making a point to mention he’s a guy. I’m trying to frame a casual sex encounter so she’s testing me to see if I’ll get jealous.

H: Lol well if you got to me i imagine you were probably booty calling your whole phone

I’m not sure how well I handled this, but the objective was to basically portray that I really don’t care if she fucked another guy instead of me by assuming that he was a booty call as well.

FI: Ha he’s just a friend I’m really close with his gf, guess I’m a bad booty caller. Winning blackout cocktail last night!!! Haha its my one week in town going nuts I guess

She qualifies herself to me by making sure that I know that nothing happened; green light.

H: Well we still have some unfinished business. I have plans for you woman

FI: Is that so…?

She’s giving me rope, waiting to see if I’ll reel her in with it or hang myself, but she’s not blowing me out, so that’s good.

H: Yes, it is. You’ve been quite the trouble maker. A very very bad girl.

FI: Impossible, I moved to the holy land! Saint not a sinner!

She bites, I’ve framed her as the girl who goes to church on Sunday after letting the football team run a train on her Saturday night.

H: You may play a saint over there, but i can tell that you’re just begging for someone to treat you like the little slut you really are

FI: That turned me on way more than you know…let’s hope your game is as good as you talk

By game she means sexual prowess, obviously. She’s basically agreed to have sex with me here.

H: Let’s hope you know how to turn that sass off or i may have to leave some marks

FI: Yum

Here she’s not playing ball anymore, so even though I wanted to get more vulgar, she’s done for now.

H: Come over later. Wear a skirt

FI: I’m in westchester, we’ll see

H: You can stay over as long as you dont mind me kicking you out tomorrow morning when i go to work. Just say you’re going out again

FI: Not a matter of the parents, more a matter of my willingness to be sociable + hangover

H: The dopamine released in your brain after you squirt should take care of teh hangover. Don’t worry about being social

This is where I start to fuck up. The sex talk is done, we’re talking logistics, yet in my mind I was still ready to pump her buying temperature.

FI: A little graphic for dinner time, no?

I misread this as a shit test and tried to hold my frame, but it was miscalibrated.

H: Not by my standards

FI: Classy

H: Lol yea I’m a class act

I texted her again later seeing if she was coming into the city and it didn’t happen. I invited her to a show I was going to be in Thursday and she told me that she’d try to make it. I didn’t really expect her to make it, and didn’t even want her to be there anyway because my mom, dad, and sister were going to be there. After the show she texted me an “Oops” for missing the show, I told her to make it up to me later. A couple of hours later I text her to try to get together:

H: What are ou up to?

FI: Just got back into rye, so tired.

H: You’re not very good at this whole let’s get together thing, huh

FI: Are you telling me I’m playing hard to get?

FI: I’m just being a little coy, it’s endearing

H: You realize that if im as good as you know ill be, you still have to go back to israel on monday…

FI: You’re setting the bar pretty high for yourself

H: Just saying, yo might want to take advantage of the time you have here.

H: Also, the bar is usually pretty low to begin with.

FI: I don’t know what that means

H: It means that i will ruin you for all other men.

FI: What are you going to do to me

H: Im going to do things to you that you’ve never heard of, and probably will be begging me not to do, but are going to love

FI: Yum

H: Come back to the city

FI: I’m too tired and so hiiiiiiii

H: You know, if you have skills i might even be inclined to bring another girl into the mix

FI: It doesn’t matter if you have skills or not, I’m still going to bring another guy into the mix

H: It’s too bad submissive sluts dont set the rules

FI: Tell me what you’re going to do to me, turn me on.

H: Take a picture of yourself. You know what i want to see

FI: That’s the one thing I don’t do.

H: Lame. K well im out so im going to be social. Xome into the city tomorrow.

Two hours later, she texts me when I’m out:

FI: Ridiculously horny

H: Come into the city then

So I went out about my business. She never got back to me, whatever. Friday night around 8:30 I text her:

H: What are you up to tonight

FI: Idk yet you

H: Figuring that out right now. I definitely want to see you later though

FI: Well idk what’s going on lots of friends are in finals, we’ll see what I end up doing. May just veg

H: Veg here

H: You realize that you’re the one who texted me at 12:30 last night saying you were ridiculously horny right? You’re all talk woman

FI: Ha. I’m just staying w my parents for a week. U try it.

H: I dont see what that has to do with anything

FI: It makes me lazy!

H: Well you’re not going to have to much work. You wont even be able to move because your limbs will be tied