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Topic: Introducing Our Precious Children (Read 131395 times)

My name is Kirstin and I live in New Zealand with my husband Jim and earth angel Liam.

My hell began on Valentines Day 2000 when my son went off to a school camp. We had had a massive fight that day because he was taking forever to get ready. I was so angry with him that I didn't give him a kiss goodbye. The last words I said to him while he was walking up the driveway with his Nana was....

"For gods sakes behave yourself"

That night at 9:45pm there was a knock at my door. There stood 2 policemen and another man. They asked to come inside but I had no idea why they would be there. Not for a second did I ever think it would be to tell me what they came to say

"We regret to inform you that your son Joshua drowned today while swimming in the waterhole at the school camp"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it was all said in slow motion. I will never ever again forget that feeling when those words came out of their mouth. I fell to my knees screaming from the pit of my soul. I screamed over and over again I"m so sorry Josh I'm so sorry while I clutched my stomach.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't walk so I crawled to the phone to call my mother. Screaming down the phone all I could say was "He's dead, Joshuas DEAD". My mother thought I had had a bad dream until the policeman took the phone off me.

Our worlds as we knew them ended that day.....It had turned out that Joshua had been one of 59 children who had gone to a dangerous waterhole with only 6 adults. Joshua and another boy Revan drowned under their noses and they didn't even know. They managed for find Revan and air lifted him to hospital where he died several hours later but they had no idea that my son was even missing. The children kept telling them that Josh was missing too and told to go away. THe teacher in charge of the camp didn't even know how many children where on the camp and the head counts all came up with different numbers. The children didn't let up about my precious son until one camp worker asked who this Joshua was. It was 2 hours later that they decided to do a roll call and it was then that they realised that in fact Joshua was missing too. They went back to the water hole and found Josh at the bottom of a 4 metre hole in a fetal position. TWO HOURS LATER!!

Of course the school got away with it and I fought long and hard but to no avail. THe rules about outdoor education in New Zealand are so slack that they are not legally binding therefore they couldn't be charged with negligence. I can't tell you the anger and hell that I went through let alone the guilt of not saying good bye to my son properly. I have had to work long and hard to find any kind of normal again and after 9 long years I finally have.

I miss Joshua with every breathe and will till the day I can be with him again but I have learnt over the years to do what I can to honor his memory. This is what has kept me going along with my son Liam and husband who has been so much support. I met my husband after Joshuas death and he never met him so his support has been amazing.

Liam my other son has had a very hard journey a long the way too but with the love and support of myself and Jim he is also at a better place.

I wanted to come back to webhealing to hopefully use my experiences to help others walk in this new world we live in. Help them learn the new language that we now speak and lift them up when they fall.

oh God ...I know that feeling two poicemen at your door...I'm sorry she did'nt make it ....no no God you are mistaken ...not my baby ...not my little girl not my boo..........I have lived in this nightmare for ten months now...

I hope I wake up soon

Rita

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I'll love you for alwaysI'll like you foreveras long as I'm living my baby you'll be

My son Johnathan Patrick was born on March 31 1987 and became an angel on December 8 2007. Patrick was a complete joy, even at his most trying times and even when he broke our hearts. Patrick was well liked by his peers, friendly and expressed a kind nature and maturity that few men his age have... the family would jokingly say he was an 'old soul' His introspective nature made him a refreshing converstionlist... his ability to weave a tale(however exaggerated or not) would leave his audience laughing and gasping with shock at the same time. Patrick's ability to find humor in any situation. His laughter we'll never forget its sound, the way he would step back and toss his head and just laugh. His mannerisms unique only to him. Patrick talked about the future with such promise and optimism he wanted to go to school he wanted to make a differenceHe was honest kind and had respect for other people just for being human. Unfortunally, like some young people he made poor choices . Choices that in his latter months he regretted. He struggled to overcome his problem and our hearts were crushed when we saw him gain a step then take two back. We all stood beside him and made every attempt to save him from himself. Our lives are forever changed As a family we will find a new 'normal' to live our lives everyday Patrick will always be with us. In my minds eye I see him... handsome, young, and with a life unlived. Patrick had a drug problem he had been ordering drugs off the internet from foriegn countries xanax to be exact (he also had an oxy cotin addition but he was on methodone for that )he was taking such large amounts that when he ran out he had a grand mol sesior and never came out of it He was walking around talking happy starting to eat dinner when he sat down he had the sesior and never woke up agian he was on life support for four days till there was no brain activity left he was an organ donor so there are people living today that would not be living if not for him I hope to meet them one day I am not afraid to die now because I know my Patrick will be waiting there for me.

My son Franklin died two weeks before his first birthday after an accident at daycare. It has been four months and we still don't know what happened...just waiting for a slow investigative process. It is so hard to live without his beautiful smile.Franklin was born on Feb. 27, 2009 and we were so delighted. Our first baby! He never slept much and loved to be walked to sleep. He started crawling (army crawling) at 15 weeks and started walking at 9 months. If I had only known he had to get it all in during a very short time. He was beautiful and happy so happy to play and laugh and dance and make funny noises with his lips. He gave the best little boy kisses and I miss him so much. We are just trying to make it but it's hard to WANT to live without him.

I'm so sorry about your little boy. Losing your first child is incredibly hard and lonely. I know; my first child died when she was 7 months old. I hope you will post on the Child Loss board. You'll find so much support for living through the nightmare. with love, Kay (Jill and Lizzie's mom)

my niece (CANDIE RENAE SHORT ROSS) BORN AUG.31,1981 & KILLED MAY 13,2005.. CANDI is my niece. my sister(lisa & her husband todd) daughter. i was 13 when CANDI was born & i became an aunt then.... i was fortunate enough that they only lived a block from us when CANDI was a baby so i got to babysit a lot. CANDI has a younger brother(BRIAN-BORN 1984).. he's a wonderful person also... CANDI became a mom at the age of 16 to a son(josh-born-dec.1997)her husbands name is CHARLES. he's such a good person...... charles is not josh' biological father but has been there since CANDI was pregnant...even though CANDI was a young mom ,she was a loving & wonderful mom to josh. she finished school & went to college to become a nurse. after she was killed when josh was only 7... his bio. father tried to get custody of him.... but charles still has him.. josh see's his bio. father but he calls charles "dad".. he's a wonderful dad.... candi was killed on friday may13,2005 after she left josh t-ball game . josh went home with his grandparents that night. candi was on her way to meet her husband for a cook-out when a 18 yr. old told his 2 friends he was gonna scare them to death & he came over a hill & hit candi head-on killing her instantly... all 3 in his vehichle lived.... candi was only 23... she loved horses & was a barrel racer.. 9 mo. before her death CANDI 's horse threw her breaking her back parralyzing her from the chest down.

she layed in our cousin's pasture an hr. before being found.. they airlifted her to a dallas,tx. hospital where they did surgery. but didn't think she'd ever walk again... candi was a nurse.... one mo. after that accident she took her first steps... she walked again, even rode a horse again,also she'd went back to work as a nurse about a mo. before she was killed...

the guy that killed her was charged with manslaughter & was found guilty. the jury gave him 10 yrs. probation.. about a yr. after that they revoked his probation & he's in prison.. there was no alcohol or drug's involved in her being killed... CANDI WAS A WONDERFUL PERSON & WE ALL MISS HER EVERYDAY & WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER.

I lost my 7 year old son Dominic one week ago today. He had a life-long heart condition that we'd been treating well with medication, and most of his life he was able to be active and funloving. Despite health problems he had a very full life.

But after a week in the ICU with a fever of 105 and other symptoms, Dominic's heart suddenly and unexpectedly gave up and he couldn't be revived. He is my only son, and I'm devastated. We haven't had his funeral yet, as they had to do an autopsy on him to determine cause of death. I don't know where to turn.

Hi, I am new to this board, I came across it a couple of months ago shortly after my son died. I have come back several times and read a lot of the posts and I decided to tell you a little about my son. Nathan was born on June 30, 1989 and took his own life on June 29, 2009 the day before his 20th birthday. Tomorrow will be 4 months since he passed and I miss him so much it feels like I will never be happy again. He was a very special child and young man, everyone who met him fell in love with him. The past few days has been harder than normal and I think it is because he has been on my mind more than normal. I think about him from the time I get up until the time I go to bed.

Dear sheshe1966; I am so sorry for your loss, grief and fear. So very sorry for the loss of Nathan. I hope you will continue to write and share here, in a caring community parents, relatives, and friends. Please post a new topic on the Child Loss board. Please write when you can, our thoughts are with you in these lonely times. "Deep breaths and baby steps."Terri

Thank you Luvinmike. Sometimes it feels like everyone dodges the subject of anything to do with Nathan and that everyone has forgotten what happened or wants to forget it. There are times when I want to talk about him to someone anyone but I feel like noone wants to go there. I know they love him as I do and are probably afraid it will make me cry but crying is needed, that is healthy.

Still trying to figure out this updated style.....But I'd love to have Eric's smiling face on this thread...if I can figure out why the picture isn't showing...

Eric was born on December 8, 1973. I think I always knew he wasn't going to be around a long time.....something just never felt quite right. But how lucky we were to have him as long as we did......some days I actually believe that and other days I just think it's really crappy that he was taken so soon.

We do have a memorial site for him- that will soon be getting an update as we switch to the MAC world. Its: www.eric-pinsky.com[nofollow]

Eric died alone- while driving from his friend's apt. in Durham to his own. The winding dark roads, fatigue and drinking did him in.....and us. He was a first year law student at Duke....burning the candle at all ends. He is so missed and so loved. And next Tuesday would be his 36th birthday. Happy, happy birthday, my love!

I'm so sorry about your Eric.. the pain is like no other. My son Taylor was 14 when he and his best friend Caleb were hit by a speeding car while they were bike riding. Life will never be the same without him.. as I know it isn't for you. I wish I could walk you through posting a picture of Eric, but I have difficulty with it myself. Would love to see him.. Love, Brenda

Hello I found this website the other night while I was up crying, trying to find some kind of answer to all the pain I am in.

When I was 20 yrs old I had my son Clayton. I had went in to labor early while I was worried I was secretly happy so I could hurry up and meet my little man. After a short 5 hour labor my little man was laying on my chest sucking on his thumb. He was always a mommas boy, I loved that. Cuddling up together or piling on the couch watching tv. He loved to help me cook or do anything. He was smart and loved computers so he thought he would do that when he went to college. After he got out of high school he worked on the Geek Squad which he liked and seem to excel at. Last week he was sick with strep. He did not go to the Dr right away and it turned in to pneumonia. He was laying down taking a nap and suffered a heart attack that his body could not survive. He was prononced dead at 6:17pm on Feb. 16, 2011. We buried him on Feb. 19, 2011. He was only 20 years old.

I've cried so much, I am mad that such a wonderful young man will never get to grow up. I am mad that he will never get to do the things he planned. People tell me I should be happy for the time I did get to spend with him but I am finding that really hard right now. I want my son here with me. Honestly, I still do think it is all true. I kow I saw him in the casket, I know I saw him be buried but I think someone made a mistake. I keep checking his obit online and I keep expecting t osee a correction. I go tohis Myspace page and check the last login to see if he has been there. I miss my baby Clayton...

Hello I found this website the other night while I was up crying, trying to find some kind of answer to all the pain I am in.

When I was 20 yrs old I had my son Clayton. I had went in to labor early while I was worried I was secretly happy so I could hurry up and meet my little man. After a short 5 hour labor my little man was laying on my chest sucking on his thumb. He was always a mommas boy, I loved that. Cuddling up together or piling on the couch watching tv. He loved to help me cook or do anything. He was smart and loved computers so he thought he would do that when he went to college. After he got out of high school he worked on the Geek Squad which he liked and seem to excel at. Last week he was sick with strep. He did not go to the Dr right away and it turned in to pneumonia. He was laying down taking a nap and suffered a heart attack that his body could not survive. He was prononced dead at 6:17pm on Feb. 16, 2011. We buried him on Feb. 19, 2011. He was only 20 years old.

I've cried so much, I am mad that such a wonderful young man will never get to grow up. I am mad that he will never get to do the things he planned. People tell me I should be happy for the time I did get to spend with him but I am finding that really hard right now. I want my son here with me. Honestly, I still do think it is all true. I kow I saw him in the casket, I know I saw him be buried but I think someone made a mistake. I keep checking his obit online and I keep expecting t osee a correction. I go tohis Myspace page and check the last login to see if he has been there. I miss my baby Clayton...

I am so sorry to read about your loss.

I lost my son about a year and a half ago, also to a sudden illness. He was 29.

I did the exact same things you are doing, those first few months. I checked his obit all the time. I checked his email. I went into his room over and over and over. I thought of him day and night, and I could not sleep.

The pain was continuous, and unbearable.

Though it has lessened in intensity somewhat, it is all still very terrible. I cried my eyes out just tonight, because I am having my son's rooms upstairs remodeled and it is all starting to look so very different! I have to do it for various reasons, but it hurts so much.

I am glad you posted and told us about your precious Clayton. I know the terrible pain of missing your baby, and my heart is with you. I appreciate you taking the time to share this; it helps us all to feel less alone.

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I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson