The Wins and Wounds in the Worlds of Life and Fashion

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Monthly Archives: June 2012

Whilst pottering around on Twitter on Wednesday, I saw this (CLICKY LINKY). Those of you who know me well will know, I am a bit of a geek. But this engagement ring goes a bit far for me.

I know some of you will not clicky the linky. So i’ll explain. The above link leads you to an article containing this image –

a Star Trek Enterprise engagement ring. With a white sapphire. There is some relevance to the gemstone used, some callback to an early episode.

I am not a fan of Star Trek. Firefly, Big Bang Theory and various anime / manga are much more my thing. I do not own much geekery myself, well, not much that is not Nintendo related. I love Nintendo. W does not like Star Trek much either, but at least he understands more of it than I do. He gets the jokes. I do not.

Would anyone here ever accept such a thing as an engagement ring, or even just wear it as a piece of jewellery?

George

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Perfume. This is an area much more suited to Lucy. However, today, this is my topic. It is my topic, as today it will become a mini science lesson, and a trip into the weird and wonderful. A few weeks ago, I found an article in Metro. For our (few) international readers, Metro is a newspaper regularly left in the ticket areas of train stations, at the front of buses, and occasionally on seats / floors / racks of public transport for people to freely take, no charge, to give you something to do on your daily commute. On this particular day, I was travelling to a college for an assessment, when I read this article. An article on the smells of perfume.

Most people know what perfume smells of, I suppose. Flowers, musk, fruit,wood, earthy undertones and all that. But why? Why are these smells so attractive? Well, according to this article, it is because they smell like us. Our bodily smells.

Sandalwood is a fragrance I see everywhere. I always thought it smelt like, well, you know, WOOD? Turns out, yes, but no. It actually smells sweaty. Isn’t that nice? One part of the article quotes a fragrance expert, Ms. Williams, who says that she went on a trip to ‘see and smell’ orchids, as she put it, and that ‘one orchid smelt like semen’. Now, I can’t say I have ever noticed this, but generally, I do not go around smelling flowers, with hayfever and whatnot. And it is not limited to orchids either. Flowers that contain ‘indolic materials‘ have a smell not dissimilar to poo. This is because, as the above link says, it is a naturally occuring component of faeces, but in low concentrations it has a flowery odour. So essentially, my shit really does smell of roses.

So, we have that covered. When you wear perfume, you smell like crap. Sorry, but it’s the truth! What other odd things go into perfume?

Most people know about ambergris, I imagine mainly because of THAT Futurama episode. Ambergris is a solid mass of bile secretion, that is either spat up or pooed out, by sperm whales. Intestinal tract fluids. Yummy! Real ambergris is expensive, at $20 a gram. For comparison, the most expensive spice in the world, saffron is £3.50 for half a gram in Tesco.

Civet is a small wild cat. It is also the name given in perfumery to the scent extracted from the glands of the same animal. Glands being sexual organs. Scent being pheromones. You catch my drift . . . Musk is the same. Basically, musk, the standard smell for old ladies round the country (and a Body Shop essential), is from deer. I always wondered why I disliked the smell of musk, and now I know. It is because I really do NOT like smelling like deer testicles.

Hyraceum, or African Stone, is the ‘fossilised’ urine of the south African dwelling Cape Hyrax, a type of big guinea pig. The urine is dug up from the earth, and is meant to smell similar to a mix of various animal musks and tobacco.

And finally, artificial vanilla scents can be extracted from cow dung. So, next time you are dousing yourself in Chanel No5, that godawful Calvin Klein fragrance I do so hate, that smelly one Lucy had that made me feel ill, or, for the boys, that can on Lynx you spray every ten seconds, please remember;

You still smell like crap, my dearies.

George.

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I walked into the room and went to the table to be told my labels are too big. I recut them, but considering thi’d had a whole week of a different answers, that very minute I lost it. I turned into the the Campbell, or the Anna Wintour.

I’d had enough. I like my work displayed the way it is, but they wouldnt budge so I lost it, and in the process I threw a scalpel into the display board in front of me and walked out.

Two fellow classmates ran after me asking what was up and I annoyingly couldn’t speak, I sort of have hiccups when I experience waterworks activity, and all I could say was my grades. I feel like i’ve been cheated! I made 6 delicate gorgeous collars entitled ‘One Must Wear The Finest’, and all i got was a C8.

!! That is equal to bad fashion press being given to the new partnership with Adidas and McCartney or dare I even type it the fashon council saying that Kate Middleton’s dress for the Jubliee was a Primark knock off! I worked tiredly hard (George can confirm I lived a lot of hours in the studio and uni library) and this is all I get?

Eventually, the tutor came and said ‘let’s not fall out over this, what’s the matter?’ and I looked at her, I controlled my inner Campbell / Wintour and said my grades, the pressure to acheive, that I felt cheated and for her to go away. She turned and said ‘Calm down, i’m not talking to you like this and don’t ever talk to a tutor like that.

I said go away not FU!

Friends calmed me down and I forced myself to say sorry to the tutors. One said ‘You could be at a police station now, there’s no excuse for throwing stuff’ I SO wanted to say call them, they can give me lift to Shrewsbury and at same time, get a bit of press for the degree show. But, I held my lipstick rouge – free lips and said nothing.

I walked out, went home and slept for a few hours in my new Marks and Spencer grandma PJ set.

I turned up to the degree show launch with cavalry in tow, my mum and lil sis, who were impressed I think, and before the tutors began a fashion episode of Judge Judy I introduced my mum and sister, and I got a HUG and that peck on cheek thing you see celebs do at the BAFTAS, or when a designer meets and greets an enemy, from the tutors! I know then i’m on thin ice, nothing was spoke of that morning, but I know i’ll get my punishment at the New Designers show if my Clothes Show dress doesn’t appear, and it will happen no matter what excuse, the skirt is too long or our models are as thin as a tv aerial and clothes won’t stay up!

I’m going to watch Chicago now, I need glitter and sparkle to make me better, hold my head up high, and then go Shrewsbury library to bombard employers with my CV.

Lucy x

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I love Chicago – a musical with singers in lingerie in the entire film! I seriously just wanna wear that silver sparkly number that Renee / Roxy wears, that’d be a great outfit to wear at New Designers to get noticed, and it would get my portfolio noticed too – win all round! I would, and i’d look great none the less, because Chicago is sparkle, sex, and curves to me, and i’ve got to make sure George watches it in full since she confessed to me she has never watched it to the end !!!!! I can’t have that! When i finally finish uni (these 3 years have gone so quick, I might actually miss the pats on the back LOL and i’ll be able to contribute more to mine and George’s daily adventures) gotta make a definite time for us to watch it. That is, if she can stand me dancing to all the tunes and constantly saying ‘I wanna use the Doctor’s TARDIS and go to that era and live there’! It’s a perfect era for me, fitted dresses that hug your tiny waist and curves, and stilettos all year round, it is MY era.

If the film is this intoxicating, God, imagine what id be like at the West End / Broadway! George and I would be in our element. And, of course, if we did go to the theatre, we would make sure we saw Lion King, because you just have to, don’t you? It’s a unwritten rule!