Articles from April 1997

I created this intro page because it was necessary for me to make sure that people understood what was going on through my mind.

Many people that have come to these pages have been ‘awed’ by what I write. I am really flattered. Never would I have thought that I would post up some of the more intimate works, or be so ‘open’ via a medium where everything and anything possible.

Majority of what I write is true. Yes, I did meet Michael in The Meeting. No, we are no longer together. Andrew made it from South Africa to the states and is currently in Boston. Chad finished his degree and is living in Ohio, Matt is working on his Masters in Psychology in Georgia. JR I never heard from, Jeff (|ucid) is still in Pennsylvania working on his degree. Scott and Jeff (from Augusta, GA) are both getting their MD’s this summer. DeMoNBoX (Robert) I have no idea about, last I heard he was in Dallas, then back in Austin. Mark is still married to his wife and living in Baltimore area. Greg is still in ‘Oregon’ and we are planning on meeting this summer (platonically) in Las Vegas.

My life has changed, so much, in the last few weeks, its hard to even fathom what is going on. In one swoop I got a job interview and a new guy located in San Francisco. -If- I get the job, I will be moving to San Francisco on May 10th, 1997, and living with my new guy.

He’s not mentioned here is he?

No, he’s not 😉

He said to me recently that he was a bit upset about the fact that I – haven’t- written about him or posted it up here. I think, for once, I am doing things differently. I have written many pieces for him, and gave him the URL to a server that I have access to. We are (for my benefit and his) kept it all low key. Very few people know that we are “together” and even fewer know his name. One day, maybe soon, I will post the whole romantic meeting 🙂

But, I digress. All the obvious events are true, and the poetry is of my own imagination. 🙂

I have decided to start dating these because that way you know when I have put them up.

Today has been a busy day to say the least.

Got -one- message from you telling me you’re in a bar, and that “you miss me.”
bastard.

I really hate you right now.

And you know perfectly well why!

Have been looking through all my email, finally getting caught up on it. A few hours later, and I am still no closer to getting through it all. People responding to my posts, to my questions, wanting to marry me (laugh), proposition me, you name it, they want it.

What is also funny is that other lists I have been vocal on in the past, email from those people. So totally unrelated to h/p/c stuff, literature greats who tell me that they are now my fans. I feel like I am on the cusp, and I am really frightened. I never wanted this, any of this. I have changed ‘handles’ so many times, keeping myself underground as much as possible. I want people to like me for me! Is this something that -you- can understand?

Or am I being unreasonably paranoid about the whole venture? Or no? I have no idea anymore.

Back in high school, friends called me a ‘chameleon’ because I could move through everything and leave no trace, I blended in with everything. Later on, when I started writing for the college paper, I even went so far as to change my name (or attempt to). They wouldn’t let me. They told me that it had to be my ‘real name’ because it was college after all, and some other such jazz. People have also claimed to have seen me in two places at once. Hmmmm…

Anyway, I have been thinking about you quite a bit lately. You know that. You can’t ship out nearly a meg of email in a space of a few days, and plus irc quit a bit, and -not- think about the person.

SOO! Here is what I have come up with..

1. This all means nothing.
2. It means something, but I am taking it far too serious. You are in relationship jeopardy with your gf and I happen to come along and help fill those lonely nights (email wise). Not uncommon, happens a lot. You meet someone and think they are sweet.
3. Fuck it. I just re-read the letter I sent you the other day, that you haven’t responded to (if you ever will).

I won’t break down.
I won’t submit.

Not until you are free and clear.
Of everything. And even then it won’t be what you think it will be, IF it ever does occur.