The Late Late Crap Show

It is time for the annual consumer-fest that is the Late Late Toy Show.

For those of you who are fortunate enough to live in far off lands, The Late Late Toy Show is an annual institution here, where the latest toys, gadgets and gizmos are put on display on television. For two hours, we are treated to an embarrassing display of consumerism at its worst.

I did some babysitting the other day. I call it babysitting, but Puppychild is five now so she is hardly a baby, but you know what I mean. As a result, the television was put on at her insistence. I don’t approve of plonking kids in front of televisions, but Puppychild always ignores it anyway. Maybe she wanted it on to entertain me? Anyhow, there I was with the television on, so I couldn’t help but witness some of the advertisements that are pumped at the kids of today.

One thing that struck me about the toys on offer, and that is their uniformity.

They are all around €50.

They all require batteries.

Most require remote controls.

They all have a mechanical lifespan of about a month and an attention lifespan of a day.

They all required the intelligence of a gnat to operate.

In other words, the kids are going to end up getting more pleasure out of the packaging than they are out of the toy.

The advertisements are all slanted in a particular way too. They are not so much aimed at the children as aimed at generating a group frenzy, so that peer pressure comes into play and God help the parents when that happens.

I have never seen so much unadulterated overpriced crap in all my years.

So the Late Late Crap Show is going to consist of two hours of overpriced, overhyped, worthless, ephemeral rubbish. Jedward are on too, which kind of proves my point?

And what was Puppychild doing while all this was on?

She was very happily playing on the floor with my collection of Dinky cars, that are nearly sixty years old. She had ascribed a different personality to each car and was having a whale of a time, and her imagination was running at full throttle. There wasn’t a silicon chip, a battery or a remote control to be seen.

When she eventually tired of her game on the floor, she tidied up and did some jig-saws.

Post navigation

Comments

The Late Late Crap Show — 12 Comments

Couldn’t agree more grandad! My 4 year old grandson seemingly has them all: walking, talking, fighting, bleeping, singing, tooting battery run toys – and what does he play with most but a collection of small ordinary cars – all ascribed with names and personalities and good for hours of imaginative fun. (The 2 year old has just thrown a battery run ABC singing rabbit at the cat and is fighting his brother tooth and nail for the cars…)!

You know what really pisses me off about toys on Christmas morning. The need to get some wire cutters to take the buggers out of the packaging, and then you need a bleedin jewller’s screwdriver just to put the batteries in. What was wrong with a little door with a clip or a lid that slides off. What’s with the friggin’ screws!!

Remember last year when that woman from Cork won a ticket to go the the LL toy show, turned it down, but still took the cash part of the prize. And whatshisname (the plank) reacted as if she’d committed a heinous crime! Reckon Ryan T is probably squirming a bit having to do it! Mind you he runs on Duracell!

Geri – Our Puppychild has a fair collection of walking talking things, but the first thing she asks for when she gets here is the cars. They are on permanent standby. Considering the cost and the lifespan, they were incredible value!

Jimbo – Get toys without batteries and you won’t need a screwdriver. If the toy does require a battery, use a sledgehammer.

Mick – One of Plank’s highlights. I will also miss seeing him kick a toy up the hole, and reducing a child to floods of tears.

my son has a laptop (one of my discards) that he plays with every now and then. but, mostly, he prefers to get out pen and paper and draw the games he’s playing, instead of playing them on the machine. he’s a strange one, that kid.

Given your post about Minnie maybe you need a mechanical version – see zhuzhupets.com. A prime example of batteries, plastic and attention deficit – when you could have hours of fun just working out they don’t like marmite 😉

Neighbour – Jayzus! That’s just the kind of crap I am talking about. You buy you “cute furry animal” but it is useless unless you fork out a fortune for all the “accessories”. I’ll stick with Minnie and the Marmite all right.