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Life of Ashton

One day last week the boyfriend and I somehow got to talking about age. I think it started with a discussion about the people I work with and a comment to the effect of "I work with all the old guys." Then he was kind enough to remind me that I'm not so far away from 30 myself, which isn't old. But his comment got me to thinking about the fact that I've almost been alive for three decades. That's pretty heavy. And then I started examining the things I've done and consequently the things I've learned in my vast almost-24 years.

I've graduated not once, but twice. I remember Columbine, Kuwait and the bombing of the World Trade Center in New York. More recently, I've lived through the election of the first multi-racial president, seen pigs fly (swine flu, fyi) and the most recent of all I'm living through the United States' largest environmental disaster in history. I'm old enough to remember life before computers and cell phones. I remember buying my first CD and playing the original Nintendo for years. In two-and-a-half decades, I've actually seen and experienced a lot, which would lead one to believe that I should have a pretty decent knowledge base. Right?

Well, I'll tell you this. The things I've learned that I consider to be the most important didn't necessarily come from a class. Some of it is practical knowledge. Some of it is what should be common sense. And some of it I learned along the way purely by missteps and chance.

You should click on this to make it bigger. It's pretty funny.

If your apartment/loft/whatever is on an upper floor, keep your blinds turned down. Otherwise people on the ground can see you in all your natural glory.

True friends are hard to find. And even harder to keep.

People are going to hurt you. Even those you care about deeply. The trick is to decide who's worth it.

Everyone deserves the chance to learn their limits. I learned mine in college. I also left them there.

No one should focus so completely on one person that they lose sight of who they are and what they need as a person.

The hurt of losing someone you love never goes away. It gets easier to deal with, but it's always there. It's called yearning.

Don't drink and drive. It's stupid and dangerous.

If you do drink, don't mix colors. Unless you want to throw up the rainbow. It's not as pretty as it sounds.

Putting bubbles in the fountains at school results in thousands of dollars worth of maintenance fees. That means eventually your tuition goes up. And if it doesn't, your lab fees increase.

Don't just sign up for any old teacher. Ask around.

Speaking of school, that party you want to go to sounds like fun but I promise you, studying for that test is the better choice. Hindsight is 20/20.

If you're going to get struck by lightening, make sure your body is wet. Otherwise, the lightening is going to travel through your bloodstream and out through your feet. That means you die.

Just because you major in one thing doesn't mean you can't find a job, maybe even a career, doing what you want to do in something not related to your major. I'm a testament to that. Don't limit yourself.

It's infinitely easier to get along with people than to spend your life arguing with everyone.

Stress is completely overrated. Avoid it at all costs.

Those $1 floats you get from Walmart make perfect "boats" for no-swimming areas.

Sidewalks are only suggestions. Especially when they don't lead anywhere useful.

If you hit someone who's in a crosswalk, your fine will be significantly higher than if you hit the same person jaywalking.

There are some things you shouldn't buy the cheap version of. Like toilet paper. And mayonnaise.

Laughter really is the best medicine.

You're never too old to ask for help. Especially from your parents. That's what they're there for.

You know that saying "Everyone has to grow up sometime"? It's not true. Some people never grow up. And did you think you'd escape clicks when you got out of high school? Ha! Your naivety is cute. Clicks are everywhere. The difference out of high school is that you have more choices.

I'm sure I have more useless knowledge that I could fill your heads with, if you even made it through that list. Unfortunately I cannot keep rambling on. It's almost time for me to go downstairs and stare aimlessly at the t.v. while advancing the server. You know something? I don't really watch the show I produce. By the time I've spent an entire night with the material that's in it, I don't care anymore. Does that make me a bad producer? My discrepancy reports and ratings don't say so!