We all have our own ways of trying to win on the punt but my old mate who I call The Big Lip, well, he is unique. Like myself, he thinks tipsters are just wankers who jump and down when they get one right and disappear up their own plug holes when their other 99 tips go up in flames. If they went up in smoke, tips can joints which at least can be inhaled.

The Big Lip has studied speed maps, he has worked out all kinds of systems, but is as yet to be on the winning side of the punt and become another Andrew Harcourt.

Last season, he had it figured out, or so he thought, by flying in a professional lip reader from Oz. His rationale was that the lip reader would be able to tell him what was being discussed in the mounting yard and which horses were going and which horses were, I guess, staying.

One small problem: He had forgotten about the Chinese jockeys, trainers and owners. But now he’s back with a bilingual lip reader who he says is “bomb-proof.” Well, time will tell as intelligence is in the mind of the beholder.

Personally, I can’t see the bilingual lip reader lasting ten races and trying to follow the flapping lips of all those involved. But perhaps I am missing something.

After all, The Big Lip informed me years ago that the reason we have five fingers on each hand is because there are five continents. What about the other hand and the other five fingers? A mirror image. Who am I to argue with such logic? I am but a small tool in the grand scheme of things.

Still, I wonder if any lip reader would be able to quite understand Italian Umberto Rispoli, an extremely talented young jockey, very popular with local punters and turning ordinary rides into winning rides.

Who knows when he’ll strike, but I like these rides of his as value chances at least to run into tierces: Fantastisch (r2), Island Spring (r3), Supreme Hong Kong (r5), Alpha Grand (r8), Fay Fay (r9) and the uniquely named Ho In One in the last- and each of these rides for a different stables. Some trainers must have finally woken up to this kid’s talent.

Away from lip readers, despite Dougie Whyte sitting out a suspension and champing at the bit to get back to riding, it’s quite extraordinary not to see Melbourne Cup winning jockey with a full book of rides.

In fact, he has six rides on the ten race card and with none for Jungle Johnny- and, no, girls, I was not behind any of those strange tweets from this non de twit no matter what “everybody” was supposedly saying. “Everybody” or busy bodies?

That masked Tweeterer was very obvious as he had some big axe to grind with the trainer and quickly closed the twitter account and fessed up as damage crisis before it could have all ended up in tears and defamation of character suits. Let’s just hope he has learnt his lesson.

Finally, here’s hoping the lip reader comes through and breaks the bank and is more on the mark than the very attractive American lady who kept insisting to me a few years ago that she had the power to reiki horses to win races.

She tried to reiki a horse in the paddock area and ended up getting kicked in the bum.