General Question

What does it mean when my boyfriend talks about marriage?

So Ive been going out with my BF for just over a month, we are both 16, he is 17 soon. We get along great and we have never had an awkward moment, but he has mentioned marriage a few times while talking with me and always talks about the future, with me still in it.
Does this mean he loves me but just hasn’t said it yet? I mean, we’ve not been going out long, surely he can’t love me yet??

@libbinogurl Either he’s a player who knows vague promises of ‘a future together’ will make it easier to get in your pants; a young boy who has found young love or he’s falling in love with you and wants to know what you think about him in your future.

Ask him. Part of having a healthy relationship is communication and being able to handle the difficult topics.

I would suspect that he’s a really nice guy, and that he is having strong feelings for you, that because he’s a really nice guy, he’s interpreting the only outcome of those feelings is marriage. You’re making his heart go zing and now that he’s experienced that feeling, he’s envisioning keeping it in his life always. Also, as @Cruiser said, some of what he’s feeling is strong sexual urges towards you.

At 16 and 17, you have a lot ahead of you, and it sounds like you have a lot of maturity if you’re questioning what he’s saying. Always speak the truth in a relationship, and don’t feel pressured to go with what he’s saying. If he’s saying he loves you, and you don’t feel it back, don’t feel pressured to say it. There’s a whole range of words that more accurately describe emotions, so don’t feel you have to say it back or lose the boyfriend. Infatuated is probably a more likely word to describe his feeling, but maybe not. If, after a month, you’re enjoying spending time with him, and it makes you happy to be with him, tell him exactly that.

You definetly can fall in love in less time than that, I did, and still been with him for almost 4 years, but then again I wasn’t 16 years old, at that age I can now honestly tell you i didn’t know what love was ‘til I met him

The boyfriend could be someone who sees you as the love of his life, visualizes your future together and mentions his thoughts to you. He could also be someone who is manipulative and has ulterior motives., like sex, crime, money, etc.

You seem to have your feet on the ground by asking yourself (and us) about his statements. Just give the relationship time and go at your own pace. For me, it typically took 3 months in a relationship before the true colors came out.

A month in does seem too early to talk about marriage, but when you’re in the “madly in love” stage, it’s not surprising.

“I dont want to make things uncomfortable”
As a heads up for this and possibly other relationships, communication is incredibly important. This comment has made you uncomfortable and you should clear it up. Relationships are a two way street and you shouldn’t be afraid to bring up any issues with your SO. Don’t let yourself be put into an uncomfortable position with your relationships.

Something bothering you, bring it up.

incidentally, my boyfriend said “i love you” after only a month. it took me a bit to say it back but we’ve been together 4 years. and that’s thanks heavily to communication. the only issue we had was due to a major lack of communication on a future topic. we almost broke up over that but were fortunately able to get over it after getting our emotions and concerns out there

Talking about marriage certainly can be a way of saying “I love you.” There are many things that we are uncomfortable talking about, especially where there are strong feelings and we aren’t sure whether they are reciprocated.

You can certainly love someone within a month. Even a week. These feelings are true, but who knows if they will last. No one can tell. I will tell you this, though. If you want to have a long lasting relationship, you are going to need to learn some serious communication and relationship skills. They don’t teach these things in high school.

Most relationships that start at your age don’t last for years and years. Marriages that start at your age are also unlikely to last til death do you part.

What you guys need to learn is how to talk opening about things. You say you don’t want to make him uncomfortable, but he is making you uncomfortable because you don’t know what he means. Does this sound good to you? It doesn’t to me. It sounds like a good codependency starting.

You can’t sublimate your worries in order to not worry him. That leads to a bad relationship, let me tell you. You have to talk openly about this stuff—about what he’s thinking about and what you’re thinking about, or it won’t last another month. Or if it does, it will be an uncomfortable month.

Yes. His feelings can be real. You don’t really say what your feelings are. Do they include love and marriage? What you guys have to have is a way to talk about this stuff. It is terribly important. No tip toeing around.

If you don’t talk about it, then you are just playing at a relationship. Which is fine. Then you can have your worries about does he love you or doesn’t he and all that. It’s great fun, although it feels terribly important at your age. But if you want to be serious. You have to figure out the communication thing. There really should be a course in high school about relationships, but that would make too much sense.

When you’re young and you just start dating someone, you can feel really strongly about them and say some crazy things. He probably thinks that he loves you and wants to marry you, but it’s the rush of a new relationship. It takes a long time and a lot more maturity to be sure about things like that.

It either means one he is a play and is trying to warm you up to get you in bed. or two he is insecure and wants to hold on and secure your relationship which can be a good or bad thing. He could end up being a psycho stalker in the end.