NHS starts search for new incompetent and uncaring chief executive

The government announced today that it has started a world-wide search for someone entirely devoid of compassion and clueless enough to replace Sir David Nicholson as chief executive of the NHS when he leaves his post next March.

‘We are casting the net as wide as we can to find a suitable candidate who can carry on Sir David’s work in the same spirit as he has done it for several years,’ said a spokesman. ‘That means they need to be completely useless, have no idea what’s going on, not care when vast numbers of people die when they’re meant to be getting better, are hostile when questioned by a select committee and refuse to resign or take responsibility when all of this is pointed out to them.’