I have a White Elephant. For those that do not know what I am talking about, it is a 1974 White Ford Econoline Van. When I first bought it, the boys took one look at it's fat belt line and puggy nose and said "It looks like a Big White Elephant Dad" And I had to admit, it did look like a white elephant. So our van was, from that time on, called the White Elephant. We even painted it's name on the back door. Most everyone in our town knew the White Elephant, for sure all our friends had seen it.
But as the years went by the old Ford began to falter and lose speed. She still would start every morning and take you where you wanted to go but it just took a little more time.
So here I was coming home from Boulder, Colorado after putting on a Hunter Safety class and was totally engrossed in plans for the next class. The White Elephant and I were running down a long hill but as I said I was engrossed. ALL OF A SUDDEN A NOISE STARTLES ME! Wheeeoooooeeeeeoooooeeee. My God I just about run off the road. I look in my rear view mirror and all I can see is lights. Red lights, yellow lights, green lights, blue lights all flashing, blinking and changing colors. Holy Cow I was about to be run down by a Christmas tree I thought. So I give the poor faultering old van the gas. But no use it was going as fast as it was ever going to go.
Then along side of my van I saw a vehicle pull up even with me. I looked and it was a COP. He was waving at me. I waved back. Then he pointed over at the side of the road. I looked and didn't see anything over there so I nodded my head and waved. Finally he drew his gun and pointed to the side of the road.
Now what does he want I thought? Maybe he wants to sell that gun. Or maybe he needs a Hunter Safety Class. So with these things in mind I pull over to the shoulder.
Soon the Officer comes up along side the White Elephant. He asks for my Drivers License. I give it to him and my NRA card and my Army ID. He walks back to the back of the van and starts writing. Finally he comes up to my window and says "Sir you were going 15 miles over the speed limit."
"I WAS?" I shout. "WOW!" Fifteen miles over the speed limit, why that must have been almost 80 mph!!!
He gives me a strange look.
"Are you going to give me a ticket?" I ask.
"Ahh yes." he replies with a puzzled look on his face.
"That is just GREAT!" I beam. "Just a minute, I got a camera some where here."
"A camera?" he asks.
I find the camera and jump out of the truck.
Standing along side the van I tell the Officer. "Now hold the ticket up and point at the White Elephant, please"
"HUH?" he says.
"Hold the ticket up and look fierce and point at the White Elephant, If you can dangle your handcuffs near the mirror like you are about to cuff her." I said.
"HUH?" he says.
He finally grabs his radio and mumbles something into it like Alfa,2000 this is Bravo 109.
I can only catch a few words of the conversation but he at one time says loudly "You know this guy?"
"Who is it that knows me?" I ask
Looking at me he states "Lt. McClouski.
"Oh, we are both in the Boulder Rifle club." I answer. "Tell Ted that my White Elephant got up to 80 mph and you have the radar evidence."
Another strange look on the Officers face.
Finally he hands me back my drivers license.
"OK now write me my ticket." I request.
"I ain't a gonna write you a ticket." he mumbles.
"WHAT?" You are not going to write me a ticket?"
"I bet it was Ted. He is just jealous that his old Chevy Van could never in a million years get up to 80 mph. Don't listen to him, write me a ticket!"
"I will write you a warning ticket because the radar is connected to the computer and I have to show something for this stop." he says.
"NO NO write me a real ticket please."
The officer begans to write a yellow warning ticket as I just stand there helplessly.
"Sir could you hold that warning ticket up by the White Elephant's windshield like you were going to put it under the wipers?" I held the camera up and looked through the view finder. The camera showed the disgusted look on his face as he tore the ticket off and dropped it on the ground. As the Officer stomped his way back to the patrol car I picked up the warning ticket and hopped back in the drivers seat.
Driving off I could hear the White Elephant chuckling as if it was saying "Heh Heh my driver did it again."
I even smiled a little as we pulled away from the shoulder.
Sarge