I’m a social worker turned financial planner who uses both skill sets to help folks prepare for the mental, social, and physical, as well as the financial aspects of retirement. I’ve written a book, The Naked Retirement, run a website and webinars through the RetirementProject.org, and help investors navigate the rocky waters of Wall Street as a fee-based registered investment advisor, at SYNERGOS Financial Group.

The Dangers Of Letting Your Husband Make All The Investment Decisions

I already know, the last thing many wives want or need is to put something extra on their plate.You’re already juggling too many things, don’t have time to please everyone on your current list, and trying to fill-up or carry another bucket, particularly on the topic of investing, just might be the final cause of a nervous breakdown.However, taking the time to get more involved with investment decisions before retirement can go a long way to protect your own financial security.

I can tell you on a regular basis that no matter if it is death, divorce, or just an overly aggressive spouse who made one-too-many risky investments, wives who leave all the investment decisions up to their husbands can find themselves blindsided and overwhelmed with difficult financial decisions, exposed to fraud, as well as costly investment advice and unnecessary fees and expenses.

I realize I am walking a fine line as plenty of wives (and women in general) are better versed, and getting better results, than the typical male head of household. But I am addressing the stereotypical situation that I see in my office on a regular basis where a wife gets the short end of the stick for assuming everything was going to be okay or that once her spouse was gone that she could trust the first financial professional to knock on her door.

Just last month, a recently widowed woman sat across from me unsure if she should cry or scream out in anger.She had previously met with her now deceased husband’s financial advisor but felt something just wasn’t right about his recommendations.So she reached out to a friend to express her concerns, who in turn, suggested she get a second opinion.

As it turns out, the advisor had met with her for about 30 minutes, had her sign a couple forms, and subsequently mailed her several documents and booklets. After I reviewed the material, I had the pleasure of informing her what it all meant: The advisor sold nine of her blue chip dividend paying stocks (which didn’t carry any annual fees or expenses) and used the proceeds to buy what are called loaded mutual funds: Investments with high annual fees and upfront sales commissions in excess of 5%. To add insult to injury, he charged her anywhere between $80 and $120 for each of those nine trades.All told, the final price tag was a whopping and unnecessary $2,500.Money she surely would have preferred to use on some house repairs or with her grandchildren. Fortunately, she got off cheap in comparison to other situations I have seen.

I could tell you similar stories with recently divorced women who lost part of their retirement savings waiting for the divorce to be final and QDRO to be processed.Even “perfect couples” who communicate openly and honestly about their shared financial goals can find themselves blindsided by the husband’s decision to take some extra risk to try and catch-up only to end up further behind – an increasingly common problem that I see as a result of pensions being replaced by 401(k)s.

So just how can wives insert themselves into the investment conversation, what questions should they ask, and who can you turn to for answers?

Here’s the reality, no one is born a financial guru, and there is no single best way to invest; otherwise everyone would be doing it and we would all be rich.So don’t worry about getting it right or knowing everything up front… it’s more about getting involved than anything else.

A simple, introductory question to begin the conversation with your spouse is, “If you didn’t make it home one night, how quickly would I need to make investment changes.” The answer will help you understand whether your spouse is using investments that require a lot of time and attention or ones that can be left alone until you’re emotionally prepared to make any major investment decisions.You don’t want to find yourself burying your spouse as well as putting a For Sale sign in the yard because his investment strategy unraveled at the same time he did.

Another simple strategy to consider is to ask your spouse to write down exactly what he would want you to do and say in his absence. Just as you have to provide him with a list for grocery shopping, as well as names and numbers to schedule a doctor or dentists appointment, flip the script and ask him for a shopping list that includes investment do’s and don’ts, that you can check off like he does at the store.

Finally, who can you turn to?Nobody!Seriously!No one cares more about your retirement and money than you.Once you understand and embrace that philosophy your relationship with your money and a financial professional will change for the better. Obviously, you may have to turn some or all of your money over to a professional but remember there are no rules that say you can’t have two or three different advisors. Just as you would ask a girlfriend for a second opinion on a new outfit or hairstyle, get a second opinion on new investment recommendations, especially if you get that uncomfortable feeling that something isn’t right. These days its easier than ever to find a fee based advisor who will review your holdings or recommendations for a flat fee and isn’t trying to sell you a product you can’t understand or don’t need.

While I know many wives may not be ecstatic about adding investment terms and review meetings to their existing roles and responsibilities, doing so can have a positive impact when, and if, they’re faced with making investment decisions on their own.It’s a near-term pain that can definitely pay off in their golden years.

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