Narc Magnet

You are a magnet. You attract our kind. You have done so at least once and you will continue to do so. Again and again. There is no hope for anything else. As an empath, super empath or co-dependent you radiate with the traits which draw us to you. Hitherto you had no awareness that this was the case. You would enter a room and be oblivious to the heads that turned your way as our kind detected your presence. You would have noticed that you were receiving the attention of people, but back then you had no knowledge of who was engaging with you or why that was the case. You have several sets of traits which appeal to us. These are the empathic traits, the class traits and the special traits. It is your empathic traits which stand out most of all.

These are evident in the way that you behave, the words you say, the gestures you use and the expressions that form on your face. The way your interact with people, the way you look about a room, the way you walk, the way you sit, the place you decide to sit and so many other things indicate to us your empathic nature. In the same way that everything we do is marked with the taint of our narcissism, everything that you do is stamped with the essence of your empathic traits.

When you walk into the hunting ground of our kind, you are identified promptly as exhibiting potential. It as if you give off a fuel signature, like some kind of scent which our kind smells and recognises as soon as you come near. You once did not see the Lesser as he leant against the bar and noticed you as soon as you entered the premises, his eyes fixed on you as he observed your entrance. The Mid-Ranger would look up from where was sat and find himself drawn to you, that unmistakable essence which you give off, being picked up and identified. Both Lesser and Mid-Range would not know why they wanted to engage with you save that they felt a compulsion to do so.

This need arises in the same way that a lion knows that it is hungry and therefore it must find some prey. The Lesser and the Mid-Ranger’s antennae twitch as you the empath walk through the bar. They are alerted to your presence and then they will watch and pick up on the other indicators which tell them what you are.

The Greater sees you and knows what you are. His lascivious grin indicative of the thoughts which are running through his mind as he begins to assess your suitability. You are signalling to him who you are, that you are empathic, that fuel is passing him by and an opportunity has presented itself.

Once upon a time you were oblivious. You walked through this den of narcissistic intent, unaware of the parasitic creatures that waited to climb down from their waiting perches so that they could engage with you, coil about you and draw you into their web with their silver-tongues and charm. You just thought they were being pleasant, polite and taking an interest. You had no idea how much danger you were in as you allowed your empathic traits to shine like a beacon. Each and every day you radiated these traits, issuing a sub-conscious “come and get me” to our kind. How good it felt to receive this attention. How pleasant it was to be courted in this manner.

As our kind picked up on your empathic scent and were drawn to you, they sought additional confirmations, assessing your class traits and hopefully special traits too, through a combination of instinct and design, dependent on which school of narcissist you had engaged with.

You do this as as easily as you inhale and exhale. Your traits are imprinted on you and they are indelible. They are part of your core and you cannot remove them. You cannot flick a switch and turn off these empathic traits. They are you. Imagine you will if some kind of glasses were created which allowed a physical representation of your empathic traits as hues of red light. If one donned those glasses and looked into this hunting ground as above, a bar perhaps, then one would see several things.

First there would be the normals who would have a slight red glow about them, indicating some empathic traits but limited in number and extent. There would be the dark and empty spaces which are where our kind lurk, the empathic traits completely devoid. Next one would see the dancing trails of scarlet and rose that signify the empath. The roaring flames of riotous red which blaze and indicate the presence of the super empath and then the supernova of bright red which is the signature of the co-dependent. As your gaze swept the room, one would see these differing hues and varying intensity, all indicative of the ever present empathic traits.

It is impossible for you to become incognito. You are unable to remove your empathic traits. You cannot switch them off and pass undetected. Accordingly, you will always stand out to our kind. You will always be identifiable, you will be seen and therefore if our kind is in the vicinity, whether physically proximate or through the accessibility of technology, we will be drawn to you. Like sharks which scent blood, like the hungry dog which smells meat, we pick you out and converge on you in anticipation of the fuel that will flow from you.

You will aways be a magnet for our kind. You have been created with empathic traits and you will always keep them. You will remain that beacon which we see and flock to. You will always attract us.

Of course you may learn to dampen down the manifestation of your empathic traits by altering some of your behaviours. Certain actions, words and gestures might be reduced, lessened and altered to reduce the extent of the empathic traits which you exhibit, but your traits always shine through and you cannot maintain this cloaking for long. It is contrary to who you are how you conduct yourself. Your empathic traits are so extensive that even when you have suffered the beasting at our hands and mouths, that when you have been drained, numbed and exhausted, the empathic traits will remain.

The empath will not shine with them as brightly and following the full horror of the devaluation and discard,t he empath will not function with such an obvious display of empathic traits because the brutality of the treatment will cause some diminution in function and display.

The super empath will continue to display these empathic traits because this person has the capacity to endure so much and then still have sufficient function to escape what has happened, once there is the eventual realisation as to what has happened. Once the super empath has had enough, they will seek their escape and their empathic traits continue to shine brightly.

The co-dependent, no matter how brow-beaten, how ground into the dirt he or she is, will continue to exhibit those empathic traits because the co-dependent would rather give you his or her last breath rather than take it for themselves. They continue to give, even when there seems there is nothing more that can be taken and thus their empathic traits remain on display.

This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.

It is only when you have gained the insight and understanding into knowing who it is that you keep attracting and why, that you finally learn what to watch out for. You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you? What you can alter is your ability to identify us when we make that bee-line for you. As you radiate empathic traits, we also exhibit the narcissistic traits which once understood and once recognised in the behaviour of the everyday, mean you finally see and take notice of the red flags, flashing lights and blaring klaxons which herald this danger.

You will always be destined to be a magnet for us. That will never change. We will flock to you, be attracted to you and seek you out, our instincts seeking that scent of the empath which tells us that our needs will be met and fuel will be provided.

You will draw our interest and attention because the empathic traits flow from you. You will, once you gain the knowledge and understanding, know who it is who has joined you at the bar and flashed you that winning smile and then you can the seize the power.

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12 thoughts on “Narc Magnet”

“This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.”

Wrong. Healthy relationships until this last one. But you helped me identify a being I just couldn’t understand.

HG what you wrote is likely but not entirely true. We attract unconsciously your kind because we ourselves have unhealed wounds which you poke. There is imprint in us from either deep childhood or ancestry legacy thru DNA etc that attracts each other. For those of us who just escape you are right, they will very likely attract your kind again as the imprint is there. But the ones who after escape heal the initial event will never attract your kind as there will be no match anymore. Nothing to do with empathy per se. Of course awareness through your work helps tremendously to know consciously what to look for. All our behaviours are result of initial imprints, yours too.The moment you alter the imprint, the feeling and behaviour changes. Logically you alter the cause the result must change. And the imprint is stored in subconscious. You go to someone who knows how to navigate the subconscious to change the negative imprint, you become forever free of it.

Well I don’t want this anymore. I’m ready to move on completely! So much so, I don’t care if he views my fb, I don’t care if there is a light. I just don’t care. So he can see me, but it’s my choice to share any light I have. My choice. Mine. I’ve been thinking about that letter I wrote to be shared on your site, I don’t want to share it anymore. It’s holding me back from moving forward. Please delete it. I know you’ll understand the need to explore your own self through therapy. That’s what I’ve done over these last 9 months. Keep up the great work HG!

I experienced this the other day. Typically when I am in public I try to stay nondescript and avoid eye contact. I had been alone for some days when I went into a city and thought I would lower my walls and just be myself this trip.

I was open and friendly to everyone and was rather surprised at the attention this garnered. Of course there were the ones who were open and friendly in return, but what surprised me were all the ones who looked up sort of surprised and calculating- whose smiles and greetings didn’t seem natural or because I had brightened their day, but more because they saw me as some sort of opportunity that they hadn’t expected.

I wondered at the time if these people were narcissists. I definitely sensed a need in them and that my happy openness drew their attention to me like a magnet.

Hi Windstorm. Like what you said. I was the first one to speak when I met my ex–I can still see his surprise in his soft, blue, wide eyes when I complimented him. It was like Xmas for him. Like a gift. A new toy but made to order plus even in up close proximity. That was a good feeling for me, but now I wish I hadn’t made eye contact or spoke to him mostly cuz I still resent him for all the afflictions. I vascillate between glad I had IPPS relationship with ex and wanting to forget we ever met. Glad becuz I’ve learned much about myself and finding narc site has kept me from losing it. When my denial left, I felt even more vulnerable.

Dragonfly2
Love your name, by the way. Dragonflies are one of my favorite insects!

Not sure I understand what you mean by,
“When my denial left, I felt even more vulnerable.”

Do you mean when you stopped denying that your relationship with your narcissist was really good?

I think you were probably correct in saying that you’re, “Glad becuz I’ve learned much about myself.”
Learning about ourselves is how we grow as people. Never feel bad when you learn things about yourself. That’s like feeling bad when you find something really dusty or dirty in your house. It’s only bad if you let it stay that way. It’s good that you found it, because now you can clean it up.

The same is true of ourselves. We all have things that need fixing and cleaning up about ourselves. It’s good when we recognize them and work on improving ourselves. Seeing reality doesn’t make us vulnerable – it makes us stronger, because it allows us to improve and better protect ourselves from harm and become better people. ❤️