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Thursday, 18 April 2013

No. Just...no.

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There are many things in the world that cause depression,
such as a bad break-up, the thought of attending a Twi-athalon, and Gordon
Brown. Something else that’s rather depressing is knowing that something bad is
inevitable, and this is exactly what I was thinking as I sat down for game 4 of
the Harry Potter series.

And I wasn’t wrong.

Remember the slippery slope I mentioned when talking about
the Chamber of Secrets game? Well that slope just got a hell of a lot
steeper...like...vertical. This wasn’t a slide in the quality of the game, this
was a flat-out fall.

Okay, so the same formula was used for games 2 and 3, so
maybe a new one was needed? Fair enough. But my question is this: Why...oh god
why did they decide to scrap the freedom and joy of an open world game and
replace it with a linear, structured game that offers little to no exploration?

The entire game spans about 7 levels, each with a number of
shields hidden around them. When you grab a shield, the mission ends. You get
taken back to the central hub where you re-enter that, or a previous mission to
take a different, and equally as linear route to another shield. When you have
enough shields, you unlock the next level. Rinse and repeat.

“Hey,” I hear you say, “At least there’s a number of levels
to play!” Well dear friend, the problem is that each level is exactly the same.
They just look slightly different. Each level has you doing four things –
shooting wave after wave of cookie-cutter enemies (which requires no thought or
aim, as the spells just lock onto the target and home in, just mash the shoot
button and you’re done), levitating various things in order to destroy or climb
over obstacles, putting out fires and pulling open doors.

What makes it worse is that you get a tutorial for all of
this at the beginning of the game, and once you’ve done that, you’ve done it
all. You might as well stop at the first level and save yourself the pain and
boredom that awaits.

“Hey,” I hear you say again, “Goblet of Fire can’t be that
bad, it has the return of Lord Voldemort and an incredibly climactic battle at
the end! That’s pretty cool!” And you would be right! The story for Goblet of
fire is great...it’s just a shame that the game has barely any connection to
the original plot. Aside from 3 levels where you participate in Tri-Wizard
Tasks, there is very little, to no connection to the franchise. The enemies are
random, the voice acting is pretty dodgy, and the locations? A forest. A rooftop.
Somewhere else.

Somewhere else. Blah...blah...blah.

And as for the climactic battle? Yeah, there’s a battle with
Voldy. Yeah, there’s a chance to redeem itself. It’s been falling for a long
time, let’s at least nail the landing.

But no. The ending is a graceful, and
spectacular...faceplant. The final battle in the graveyard is (in my opinion)
one of the biggest wasted opportunities in
videogame history. Rather than directly battle him, you enter Prior Incantatum (a connection between
the two wands with a powerful ball of energy at the centre – for anyone who
isn’t a Potterhead) and the entire level consists of manoeuvring so that the
ball of energy hits the skeletons, and the big floating statue that wants to
crush you.

Then that’s it, game over.

Luckily, after this glorious face-plant, things start to go
uphill with Order of the Phoenix, and with tears of joy in my eyes, I put the
Goblet of Fire game back into it’s box, and pushed waaaaaayyy back to the dark
recesses of my game drawer. Never again.