Monday, January 31, 2011

There’s nothing I haven’t thought of during the National Anthem. And that includes this...

Dear fellow citizens of America,
Please stop treating the National Anthem like an American Idol audition. We love our country just as much as you do, but don't want to sacrifice our hearing.

Thanks.

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During the school year, I really believe the number of vehicles on this campus vastly outnumbers the number of parking spaces. Looking at a map and locating your classrooms is one thing, but having to strategically plan the future position of your parked car to accommodate both the maximum chance of parking spaces available and the minimum walking distance is another thing. And why is parking so expensive? I have a small fortune of silver American coins in my car whose specific purpose is only for the parking meters. I guess what they say is right, time is money and money is time, I just didn’t know it was so damn expensive.

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Wait, is it Pet Smart or Pets Mart?

What's the point of having a Katt Williams Comedy Central Special when you have to BEEP out every other word?

Does a stoner prefer Baked Lays?

Do you think Jesus automatically knew he was Jesus from the start, or did his mom or somebody tell him and he grew into it?

You know when little kids say, "I love you this much!" and spread their arms out as wide as they can? Well, amputees love no one. And going along with this, not too many people are capable of loving as much as me. You'd have to have a wingspan greater than 7,1".

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Meyers Leonard told me he could throw a baseball 90 MPH and I don’t believe him. So naturally, we made a bet to settle this dispute, but because the NCAA frowns upon gambling, we decided to make the bet in Monopoly money. Anyone got a radar gun?

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I’m still shocked that I have a blog that is read by people other than those I pay to read it, but hey I appreciate it!