how a bill becomes a law

Todd Akin Explains Inner Workings of Democracy In Language You Can Understand

Here is a pressing question that might be keeping you up nights, particularly if you live in whatever district in Missouri Todd Akin (R-Ladiesman) represents: What if you want to tell Todd Akin how much he sucks? How do you know he will listen to you and absorb what is sure to be thoughtful and nuanced commentary about how much he sucks? Well, your Wonkette is here to help! It’s very easy to get in touch with Todd Akin and tell him how much he sucks, you just write a check, preferably for a “substantial amount,” and this will get his attention. Here, watch him explain to you in this video about how you get your Congressman’s attention (hint: send him muneez.)

It starts when an unsuspecting man asks him the best way to get in touch with him, innocently asking “should we write a letter?” No, dummy, you should not write a letter, unless the letter is a picture of Ben Franklin.

AKIN: I’m in a three-way primary for the US Senate. I’ve gone to people and asked for their support, their help, or their endorsement, and some people say yes. They write me a decent check. I remember that. The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that. You know, I can remember back to 12 years ago. You remember who’s helping you. That’s one way that people get to know congressmen and senators.

I’ve gone to people and asked for their support, their help, or their endorsement, and some people say yes. They write me a decent check. I remember that.

Nary a "quid-pro-quo" in sight for this one. Nosiree, Bob.

mrpuma2u

So, if I write him an obscene check (like draw an anatomically accurate penis, or say, a rape scene in the memo section) but the check is for a couple grand, do you think this whore would cash it? I bet he would.

GeorgiaBurning

He'd draw red lips on the back as endorsement, apparently

bikerlaureate

You remember who’s helping you.

47% take note.

Lascauxcaveman

[facepalm]

AKIN! You're not supposed to come right out and say that you're a corrupt corporate whore, selling your vote to the highest bidder! You're only supposed to hint at it!

HogeyeGrex

Maybe he has Duke Cunningham's old price list.

CindynEncinitas

The Dukester! Thoughts of him and B1 Bob Dornan just make me misty-eyed! Sweet nostalgia. How I long for a simpler time when disgusting assholes like these guys were the toast of Washington! They could get things done back then, you know, for their "friends" for, you know, a nice boat ride or some sack-crete for their back yard "artistic" and "religious" efforts…

Native_of_SL_UT

Quiet rooms, Todd, quiet rooms.

PubOption

An honest politician, at least while discussing corruption.

BaldarTFlagass

"That’s one way that people get to know congressmen and senators."

Your move, Political Rock.

BornInATrailer

Subtle.

Sassomatic

Maybe you write me a check maybe you don't. It's up to you, you know what I'm sayin'. This little business you got here, maybe it's be here tomorrow maybe it ain't. All I know is I take care of my friends, and people who write checks, those are my friends. People who don't write checks, things could happen to them, you know what I'm sayin'.

Don't worry Todd — this is only gonna hurt if you weren't really asking for it.

ChrisM2011

"The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that. You know, I can remember back to 12 years ago. And I think about that. And I let it fester…. Before you know it, I'm buying rope and formaldehyde…"

BigSkullF*ckingDog

Do you think he will remember when I hit him in the nutsack with a sock full of votes?

emmelemm

By votes, do you mean quarters?

BigSkullF*ckingDog

Yes! And by sock, I mean broken, jagged glass jar. Full of quarters, I mean votes!

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, Teabagger. Begging for handouts, is for Demrats. Jobs not hand jobs.

Fairtackle

I guess he should be commended for being a person who honestly says what he thinks? Too bad what goes on in that wrinkly cracker head is so awful.

PsycWench

Maybe Honey Boo Boo could help him show how a dollar makes him holler.

SpeedoFart

I'm seriously starting to think that the Republican party is punking the entire country. No one can be this stupid.

HogeyeGrex

My thoughts for the last couple of weeks have been that they don't want to win this one. At all. Lose the House and everything. The plan being that there's a major economy-fucking event waiting to be unleashed and they want to blame it completely on the Dems, leading to a Thousand-Year Reich Republican Majority.

Call me wacky, but hey, is there a better explanation for this tsunami of cluelessness washing ashore?

CindynEncinitas

So you think Mittens lamenting all the stuck windows on airplanes is actually a clever plan to throw the election? I think what's left of the GOP really is this bad. The moderates and real statesmen bailed about 6 years ago because they saw this coming. So now, just when you think they can't go any lower, they punch through the floor because they really are a bunch of clueless, power-mad fucktards.

PuckStopsHere

Somebody ought to legitimately rape this guy. With votes.

EatsBabyDingos

Was this in the footnotes to the Schoolhouse Rock PSA?

HogeyeGrex

♫ Ohh, I'm just a Bill
Just a hunnerd buck bill,
And I'm sittin' here on Capitol Hill ♫

AlaskaGrrl

So he is saying that he is basically for sale and with an implied threat if you didn't send him money cuz' he will remember forever. In other words, he's come out as a vindictive whore. Yeah, totally qualified for the Senate.

Mittens Howell, III

Weird. My wallet just shut down automatically.

Blueb4sinrise

Maybe Planned Parenthood should send him a check.

Mittens Howell, III

Nice idea, but I don't appear to have any funds in my 'I hate women-people' bank account.

They write me a decent check. I remember that. The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that. You know, I can remember back to 12 years ago. You remember who’s helping you…

HAHAHAHAHAHHA dude thinks he matters!!

anniegetyerfun

I'm sure there are people who used to support him now that are just QUIVERING in fear of what will happen when he becomes Supreme Commander of the World.

BigSkullF*ckingDog

What is this "check" thing of which you speak?

LibertyLover

Paper. Legal Tender. Before our "paperless society" kicked in.

Negropolis

The only thing I remember about checks is that they were incredibly bouncy.

I find the bet way to get the attention of a congress person is through personal strip-a-gram.

anniegetyerfun

Gingrich was stumping for Akin yesterday, their horrid troll faces breaking camera lenses left and right. Once Gingrich is on your side, you know you've lost.

rickmaci

Jeebuzz. Just put a "for sale" sign on your office door and be done with it man.

KeepFnThatChicken

Sounds legitimate.

mavenmaven

The best way to influence a GOP official is through the back door, if you know what I mean.

Chichikovovich

The people that I thought were friends that tell me to go away because they are supporting someone else, I remember that.

Anyone who would ever, for one second, have acted in a way that led Akin to him/her as a friend deserves everything he/she gets.

Terry

Darn it! Who knew that School House Rock was misleading us all those years ago as to how laws are made. They totally missed the part about buying influence.

Dudleydidwrong

Get that cocksucker a brass pole and a G-string and let him dance at your next party. He'll remember who stuffed the Benjamins and big checks into his, uh, deposit box. That is,if you could stand to get that close to the slimy politico-whore. And I am sorry I don't mean to insult whores by associating them with him.

I can send him the message I want him to hear by mailing a check to Claire McCaskill.

CivicHoliday

I am ashamed to admit that I'm in Akin's congressional district. And I have never ever ever gotten anything other than a form letter from his office detailing the myriad of ways he disagrees with my position on the issue that I called/wrote/emailed him about. Perhaps next time I will staple a check to the top of my letter and simply write "fuck you you moneygrubbing microcephaly cunt"

AtwatersGhost

"Keep Rapin' for Akin"

ttommyunger

So, now that we have established what you are, how much to watch you suck off a skunk, just for grins.

Negropolis

No, dummy, you should not write a letter, unless the letter is a picture of Ben Franklin.

I draw pretty well, so maybe I'll do just that. Wouldn't it be awesome if he got a few dozen drawings of Benjamin Franklin from Wonketters…?

Yes, congressmen remember who greases their palms. They also remember the people who sent them money.