Skipping small talk to connect with people

We are living in a width world and not a depth world, mostly having shallow conversations with everyone around us. Most of the non-family relationships that we have right now started with a small talk. Being an introvert, I know how boring small talk can be at times. But that is the way we usually connect with people. And it does not have to be so. While most of the conversations we have are usually small talk, by doing so we are missing on the real conversations that matter in life. We almost always end up not talking about the bigger things in life that matter.

And if you think that the above statement is not true, just think about the conversations you have every day and the ratio of deep talk vs small talk conversations that you have had in the past week. The number of deep talks would be very few. We do not even share our struggles with someone else these days. Because we see other people’s Facebook status’s, Instagram pictures and Snapchat stories to feel that everyone else is happy; and that we are the only ones who are feeling grumpy. Though it might not sound like a big deal but in this ever connected world that we are living in, it makes talking about such things an essential thing to do. We are all using technology for merely connecting to each other when we feel lonely and just for the sense of having a connection. Which is not what the best utilization of the super-efficient technology networks that were built for sharing the world’s information around. We all have had that Who am I and What am I doing with my life moment but none of us talk about it with others thinking that we are the only one who is facing such issues in their life. And we keep asking different variations of “Why only me?” to god.

Here’s a social experiment by Kalina Silverman, who went out and asked random people about what was the one thing that they wanted to do before they died. And it can be daunting to ask people deep talk questions. But in this experiment she found out that people were more than willing to share their personal experiences and talk about it. You most probably are not likely to go and ask deep talk questions to strangers or acquaintances, but we all can have big talk among our friends and family. And by having such conversations that truly matter, we can make our world a different place.

So, Instead of talking about TV series or the weather or pinging friends with a “Whatssup?”, why not ask a meaningful question next time that you meet a friend? Step out of your comfort zone, skip the small talk and have a deep conversation. Let us gauge other people’s interests and make connections that matter.

And if you are skeptical about asking big talk questions (I am also not really sure about people’s response to them), you can probably ping me up and we can see how it goes!