‘Time Traveler’ Running for President in 2016

This guy has been to Mars, travelled through time and now he wants to run for President. Awesome.

No, this is not the title of a never before seen episode of the Twilight Zone nor is it an extra chapter in H.G. Wells Time Machine.

This is real. And it is hilarious. Or disturbing. Depends on how you look at it. Kind of like watching an episode of Adventure Time completely baked off your ass.

But wait there’s more. In case you thought a ‘time traveler’ running for president is about as sparkly as it gets, you would be wrong. Not only is the presidential candidate a ‘time traveler’ he also claims to have teleported to Mars and is an Indigo child with special abilities including using his mind to levitate small objects.

Incredibly by day the super hero time traveler is a lawyer named Andrew Basiago.

Oh, Geez Louise that sucks. Now we definitely can’t trust him even though we absolutely want to! How freaking awesome would it be having this crazy cat as U.S. President! It sure beats the current semi-cool black President who plays basket ball by an awesomeness factor of three thousand percent.

Nevertheless, let’s assume Mr. Presidential Candidate is telling the truth. Realistically as a lawyer he won’t have access to anything other than a rankly old coffee machine or a new iPhone, let alone the time machine he used to surf space time with.

How then will he prove his time travel adventures?

With a photograph. That’s how!

Andy claims to have been part of a U.S. Government program when he was a kid and was sent to Mars, Lincoln’s Gettysburg speech (image attached below), one million years into the past and 2045.

Evidence that the Red Planet harbors life and has for eons was discovered by the author by examining NASA photograph PIA10214, a westward view of the West Valley of the Columbia Basin in the Gusev Crater that was taken by the Mars Exploration Rover Spirit in November 2007 and beamed back to the Earth.

Below is one of the many images contained in Basiago’s paper where he explains that the image reveals a humanoid, a dinosaur, snakes and an entity with a cobra-like torso.

Basiago’s Indigo child super powers allow him to see what others cannot. All we see is rocks.

On Mars, humanoids and plesiosaurs extinct on Earth co-exist (left), as snakes slither across the ground and a humanoid confronts an odd entity with a cobra-like torso (right). The Martians have adorned the surface above their subterranean dwellings with relics. Is this an ecosystem teeming with life or a surreal sculpture garden? Probably, it is both.

Why would Andy need to write a paper arguing for life on Mars using images NASA took if he’s actually been to Mars? Who knows, maybe the cobra-like rock people were too afraid to show themselves in front of Andy and his time travelling mob of dweebs.

Oddly Andy says he will not win the 2016 presidential election (this was explained to him by Government agents when he and Barack Obama used to hang out and time travel). Basiago says he will run again in 2020 and will definitely win that one.

Andy, mate we’d love to have a beer with you, you are one seriously rad dude.