Ace Johnson Has Landed

Jessica Simpson should really send Kim Kardashian a Thank You card because I completely forgot there was another pregnant woman out there. Also, she wasn’t comically huge this time and barely showed her breasts. Legally I could’ve declared her dead. People reports:

The Fashion Star mentor, 32, and her fiancé, Eric Johnson, welcomed son Ace Knute Johnson on Sunday, June 30, her rep confirms to PEOPLE. The middle name honors Johnson’s Swedish grandfather, the rep explains.

If this kid’s first words aren’t, “Buy war bonds,” Hitler won. On that note, according to my math, we’re three weeks late congratulating Jessica on already expecting her third baby, so apologies for that. We can’t wait to meet Guy Fieri’s Donkey Sauce. (She gets to name the next one.)

Meh — nicknames can be thought of for any name, so nicknames be damned, I say.

Dare to pick a name that isn’t from the bible, or is lesser known (there are many, many great ones that aren’t used much), and definitely make use of variants of common names — that’ll make heads explode.

Jessica Simpson is a Billionaire. Let that soak in for a minute. Now consider the fact that, as of the instant this fat little mongoloid baby fell out of her uterus, he’s got more money than any of you will ever see in your entire lives, no matter how hard you work.

kim, I totally agree!! I think she would’ve married Tony in a courthouse but yet several years, a crappy ring and 2 kids now with this dude and she can’t “find the time” to say “I do”?? he isn’t the one….