We Are Getting Three New Brendan Fraser Projects In The All-Too-Near Future

The gods have answered your prayers. Brendan Fraser, rather than intermittently doing awful movies, has decided to pair his semi-annual awful kids movie with two projects that, while probably not Oscar bait, don’t make me as sad for humanity as his current project, Whole Lotta Sole which is apparently a fish heist movie. I’d like to think it’s about fish committing crimes rather than fish being heisted, but it’s sure to be an amazing film either way, so it’s all semantic.

The first film up for Fraser is Four Kings, in which he will star as a British colonel who finances the French and Indian War in order to create a utopian society in Canada. If there is a fair and just power in this world, then Fraser will be required to adopt a British accent for the part.

When he’s done turning Canada into the utopia that it is today, he will voice Scorch, an alien trying to escape from Area 51 in the Weinstein Company‘s Escape from Planet Earth. Everyone knows that when you think top-notch animated features, you think Harvey and Bob Weinstein. Pair that with the fact that this film was announced in 2006, and I think we’ve got a real game-changer on our hands.

Finally, Brendan Fraser will be starring in Gimme Shelter, a film about a girl (Vanessa Hudgens) who gets turned away by her father and must navigate the mean streets of Manhattan. Unless Brendan Fraser is the girl, I’m probably going to have other plans the weekend this comes out.

If nothing else, the upside to all this is that Fraser will have to do lots of press for these films and we will get to see his hair take totally new and strange shapes. Like the Pyramids at Giza. (Deadline)