An Orthodox Jewish woman goes rogue and becomes a feminist and a lawyer.

On Not Being Able to Spend Money. Ever.

This may not surprise those of you who know me. You may have been frustrated with me when I got a glass of water when we went out for ice cream, or when I voted to rent a movie instead of drive to a theater, or when I buy off-brand groceries to save twenty cents. I apologize.

This is the way that I am, and I have [generally] learned to live with it.

I do very well on budgets. I feel like I have “won” if I am under budget.

I do not do well when I feel that money is being spent unnecessarily.

This is not a good character trait, especially when my roomate loves buying Bertolli pasta, Ben and Jerrys ice cream, Starbucks coffee, and Dannon yogurt. We started out buying groceries together. This did not last very long.

This is an even worse character trait when the money being spent is long term. Such as a student loan. Especially a loan that (I feel) is unnecessary.

I hate that my parents GIVE me money to spend on things like clothes, haircuts, and my car. They are not stingy at all, and many times tell me to get the top of the line (i.e. Get your car waxed twice a month, buy the fanciest clothes you can find for shabbos, spend the extra money to get the flight time that you want), yet also say that I will have to be the one to pay back my loans.

I don’t WANT all these luxuries. I’d rather graduate debt free and not have a car. That’s just not happening though. I “need” a car for when (2 or 3 times a semester) I drive to Baltimore. I “must” look nice l’kavod shabbos.

Last year, I was offered a full scholarship to Touro College, before I even applied. I thought about accepting it, briefly, but turned them down.

All things considered, I am MUCH happier here than I would be at Touro. It’s not even a question in my mind.

I did, however, have a breakdown tonight about how much money I will have to pay back when I graduate, and I wasn’t factoring in law school. It mad me think about Touro again.

I find my self repeating over and over “Beverly, you’d hate Touro. You would not learn anything there. Remember Darchei Binah? It’s worse than that. Beverly, think about how happy you are at Maryland. Think, Beverly, Think!!”