I have only recently discovered the FSM and I am seriously thinking of converting to your faith, but I have a few reservations (at DaVinci's, Sicilian Escape, and Papa Leone's). I am unclear on a few points and I was hoping someone could explain them to me.

For one, I have difficulty believing that we could all be descended from a midget. How could modern man have developed out of such a form? It just stretches credibility too far.

Also, I truly don't understand the proverbial "Thousand Lashes" (with a wet noodle) or it's relevance to His eternal tastiness.

I have heard that He goes unnamed, but I have seen Him referred to in many varied ways. What is the proper form of address? What is His name? Would He be offended if I referred to Him as Spaghet-He?