Pushy Mother

My DH (dear husband) and I have had a few conversations about how my Mum has a tendency to 'take over'...for instance, he was a bit cross when I told him she was going to help me strip the walls in the second bedroom and paint it (in order to make it into my DS's room). He said he might as well not do anything because she's just doing it all, and that she'll decide everything down to which colours and wallpaper to use.

Problem is, she does so much for us and looks after our DS (dear son) so much I really don't feel like I can say anything without upsetting her...she has a tendency to walk off and not talk to me when I upset her in any way and I'll just feel like I've thrown all her help back in her face.

I've managed to negate the wallpaper and paint scenario by choosing all of this and ordering it before she could. But today, after stripping the walls, she decided we need a new bedroom window in both the second room and our bedroom and went ahead and called a company (who botched the bathroom windows) to get a quote at half four today without asking first...I haven't been able to tell my DH (dear husband) because he's in bed after a night shift and I'm now in a position where I'm going to have to pee him off by getting him up early for something he hasn't even agreed on, and I can't say anything to my Mum without her going off on one!

I'm crying as I type this. Can't be good for my baby or DS (dear son) who's watching me cry. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the long post. Xx

Comments (3)

Sounds like mum is very helpful but over powering and i see your in a difficult situation inbetween mum and your husband. Is mum paying for the window? And owns the house? If not your going to have to say something in the best way you can. Hope your okay x

If your husband has a problem with your mother then it’s his place to take it up with her, not yours!

I personally think it’s unfair that he’s giving you flack because of it. He needs to direct it where it’s actually intended although I would encourage him to tread carefully as you get more flies with honey than vinegar.

It sounds like she just needs some boundaries. I don’t think it’s overstepping to offer to strip walls and paint them but the window thing is a bit much for me.

Like I say, if your husband doesn’t like it then he should pull his finger out and tell her xx

He didn't take it particularly well to begin with, but to his credit he didn't fly off the handle either. He simply said "if she's paying for them, fine," as I'm sat next to him bawling my eyes out 🙈 .

Then this morning he came home from his night shift with a bouquet of flowers and a Maccy's pancake breakfast...so cross because I didn't get him anything 😂🙈 Then he took me to see the midwife because my belly is cramping like I'm about to come on and I needed to hear my baby's heart beat for reassurance (everything is fine by the way).

Mum of course is clueless that there was ever an upset and was the one to tell me to call the midwife when I started worrying about the cramping.

Maybe Mum is overbearing and my DH (dear husband) is a bit stubborn, but at the end of the day they couldn't love me and my children more. So much stress for nothing!

Thank you for your replies. Despite the peaceful resolution I do need to place some boundaries for Mum...even if I just tell her she needs to warn me before she goes and makes appointments on my behalf again!

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