Rubes Cartoons - Tales from a Twisted Mind

Inflexibility

Jan 30, 2011

My wife and I have a mixed marriage. I’m an omnivore and she is a vegetarian. We have been married for 25 years so from my personal experience this proves that two people with different viewpoints can indeed co-exist. Recently a friend of mine brought up the subject of vegetarianism and then told me that someone she knows is a vegetarian but occasionally eats chicken or fish. I pointed out that by its very definition a vegetarian does not consume the flesh of “anything with a face.” But she was doubtful of my knowledge in the area. Now you have to know that after being married to a vegetarian for over 25 years I have been pretty well educated on the various categories of vegetarians. I will not bore you with those definitions here, but you have to trust me on this, if a person eats the flesh of a bird, mammal, reptile, insect (yummy!), fish, etc., then that person is not a vegetarian. Despite my vast reservoir of knowledge on the subject my neighbor remained skeptical. Just today she produced a newspaper clipping which was given to her by one of her neighbors which had a list of the different types of vegetarians. At the bottom of the list was a new term that I had heretofore (gosh, I have wanted to use that word for such a long time. It really impresses people at cocktail parties!) never heard of. That word was “flexitarian.” A flexitarian is a person who eats a mostly vegetarian diet, but occasionally eats meat. (Hey, sometimes I just have a salad; would that make me an occasional flexitarian? Or what if you consume mostly meat but eat a carrot every now and then. Would that make you the opposite version of a flexitarian? Man, this is so confusing!) Now let’s get this straight. Either you are pregnant or not pregnant. Either you are kosher or not kosher. Either you are wanted “dead or alive.” Either you are a vegetarian or you are not. There are no shades of gray here. And again, in my humble opinion, if you think otherwise you are in the dark. Oh, and if you are a flexitarian reading this and disagree with me, please, try not to have a cow.

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