As I know I've said in these entries several times, there's nothing like an annual holiday to help you mark the days and see the changes that each year brings. This year and this Valentine's Day is no different.

"Facebook Memories" saw fit to remind me this morning of what I think was probably my favourite Valentine's Day, ever. Just look how freaking happy I am!

And isn't it interesting how my favourite Valentine's Day memory doesn't involve a romantic partner, but was with one of my "besties", Lisa…

And yet, I feel like a total faker writing on this topic, since I was wrestling with my bullshit brain over this particular issue as recently as last week. (Now, don't go panicking on me, I wasn't in any imminent danger, I can keep using cutlery. It's just that there are still some bits that sometimes need some wrangling, or distracting with shiny things occasionally.)

But... I do know a bit (!) about suicide prevention.

Back when I was a kid, and I didn't really have any understanding of just how fragmented my brain and soul were (a pretty genius survival technique – thank you, neurochemistry – which got me through some desperate times, but wasn't terribly useful in later years), I already understood there was an internal battle. I knew there was a bit of myself – or perhaps even a few bits of myself – that flirted with the idea of "accidentally falling" off the subway platform just as the train was coming. Nothing that could be seen as intentional, of course, because that would open up a whole whack of unpalatable scenarios, depending on whether I succeeded or failed in my "accident", but... you know... elbowed off by a distracted commuter, caught by a big whoosh of air... anything that could keep me from being hospitalized and never taken seriously again if I survived, or turned into "the bad guy" if I succeeded. Fortunately, there were a lot of other bits who thought this wasn't such a good idea, and so I would plaster myself to the back wall until the train had safely passed. That way, even if one of us got the urge to dash, the rest of us could probably catch her before she reached the edge. To this day, when I go back to Tronna, I still tend to hold myself at the back of the platform, because the memories of those days are so intense, especially in the stations that haven't been re-tiled since the '80s (which I think are most of them... amIright?)

So... forget being a faker. I am a MASSIVE SUCCESS STORY when it comes to suicide prevention. I'm here to tell the tale.

Alrighty, I'm not Chinese (at least, not that I know of...), but my Shambhala group celebrates the lunar new year, and we're not even going to be doing that until Saturday, so I don't think I'm THAT late with my annual birthday / New Year's wrap-up... right? Heck, I missed last year's entirely, so... baby steps.

The previous birthday recap... ah, sigh... Suffice it to say that I wasn't in the best head-space for looking around or ahead, thank you depression, and thank you Frau Gatekeeper for digging the…Read more

...and I'm even later than last year in posting something about it. Why? Well, in part, because I still think last year's post already says what I have to say about it. I'm not sure I have much to add, other than I'm in a much better head space than I was even a year ago, and it does get better.

But also because self-care is (finally) becoming an important part of my life and... I just didn't feel like writing anything. So I didn't. Because I'm the boss of me. 😀

Oh dear, I left you folks hanging for a few days longer than intended, sorry!

If your memory is like this forty-something's, you might want to refresh yourself on the initial conversation with the brave and curious "A" here, in which he asks some important questions and I blather on for a bit, then we have juice and cookies and each of us feels better understood and enlightened.

When suddenly, "A" pops out the following idea:

"I had another thought this evening, would like to know what you think...

If you happen to live in Canada, and happen to be tuned into media and/or social media, you will certainly see that a whole lot of conversation around rape culture has opened up, in the wake of the numerous allegations around he-who-shall-not-be-named. I continue to receive a whole bunch of feedback from my previous blog entry about silencing victims, and it's been quite satisfying and encouraging. CONVERSATION IS AMAZING.

It has been... A Week. A week of painful triggers for many, including myself, although one that seems to have burst open the all-important discussion we needed to have on sexual assault and balance of power and the silencing of victims.

For those of you who have been living under a rock, or blissfully un-tuned to Canadian media sources, a very prominent and popular radio host was accused of assault earlier this week by four women, and several more have now joined them, and from what we're hearing, there…Read more

I've been looking at photos friends post of their kids' first day at a new school, or the empty-nesters posting pictures of their kids' new dorm rooms as they head off to university. I've always loved this time of year, with all the new beginnings, excitement and anticipation. It always seems more "New Years"-y to me than January 1st -- the beginning of the new calendar year feels basically the same as the end of the previous one, albeit a bit more hung over…Read more

"June is PTSD awareness month, a time to remind ourselves that PTSD is real. It is a recognized medical condition and millions are affected. Ten percent of women and five percent of men will have PTSD at some point in their lives."

Aaaannnnd this is June. Pretty much closing in on the end of June...

I've been meaning to write about PTSD awareness month since I received the above reminder on June 1 from a PTSD and C-PTSD support group I'm in, and… haven't made a peep. I suppose I could blame moving, or my…Read more

Hmm… I have been putting this blog off. Very well, to give myself some credit.

Since my birthday, really. You know, when I do the birthday recap, what have I learned this year, and what do I hope to learn next year thing… Which I had every intent of doing, but then Frau GateKeeper decided, once again, to use my birthday (and, one month later, Christmas) as an opportunity to remind me just how worthless I am, and seems to have successfully recruited some other close relations into my…Read more