Phil Laak

It was no surprise when WCP asked “a woman” to write on their site but it was quite the shocker when they chose “a woman” who hadn’t undressed for money. Nonetheless, it was a quick affirmative as I knew I would have full access to their private jet and yacht. We debated… In the Cage with a Cougar, Five Minutes with a Cougar, The Cougar’s Roar and settled on The Cougar Corner.

They call me the Cougar for at least two of the following reasons:

1. It’s an inside joke.2. I married a man 392 days my junior.3. It makes the 1/3 of WCP married to a Cougar feel better. 4. Cougar halts at the border of offensiveness and my husband scares them.5. I attended Cougar classes here.

However, last night between their beer bongs, SEXT* messages (to their current and first wives) and casino streaking, they couldn’t decide what exactly qualified one as a Cougar. Did she hunt or just prefer younger men? Should Cougars be at least 40 years-old with relations averaging a ten year age difference? Did a Cougar need to be a fan of the Chippendale dancers?

In Cougar summary, it doesn’t matter because they’ve branded me with the nickname and now, since several people addressed me as Cougar yesterday at the 2008 WSOP, I guess it’s “Time to Say Goodbye” to nickname numero uno…the Black Widow.

The 2008 World Series of Poker unofficially got underway last night as Bluff Magazine, one of the hottest cougars around Jennifer Tilly, and Phil Laak hosted its official kick-off party at Tao Nightclub.

A month after Zak Penn's The Grand stormed the box office by banking just enough to buy-in to the WPT Championship, the poker movie Deal, which stars waxy-looking golden ager Burt Reynolds and features Dancing with the Stars' Shannon Elizabeth (at right) playing a Las Vegas hooker, hits movie screens tonight in select cities, and already critics are rushing to give it praise.

Just sample some of these rave reviews:

"Deal has to take the title of the worst film ever about the game and that includes the how-to videos with Joan Rivers impersonators you see in your Vegas hotel room." - Erik Childress, efilmcritic.com

"One of the most cliche-ridden and generally misguided films of not just the year, but the decade so far." - Brian Tallerico, Deadbolt.com

"Director/co-writer Gil Cates Jr. gives us a by-the-numbers execution of a by-the-numbers story, which would barely be movie-of-the-week material but for Reynolds's 'star power.'" - LA City Beat

"A poker movie that has the dubious honor of being even worse than Lucky You." - Gary Thompson (but not the Gary Thompson?), Philadelphia Daily News

In related news our highly acclaimed screenplay titled Sitting on the Can While Writing This Post just got greenlit. It's set to be filmed this morning, after our third cup of coffee kicks in. Drop us an email if you want to be an extra.

Below is a video of RawVegas.tv's Denise Pernula prettying up the red carpet at the Deal's premiere last night at the Palms in Las Vegas. Maybe it's us but it's like director Gil Cates Jr. and his producers know they made a piece of crap film. Like they were baked out of their minds when they shot it and now are trying to stop themselves from laughing as they try to talk serious about it. Also in the video, card-tossing couple Jennifer Tilly and Phil Laak talk about their non-plans ahead of the 2008 WSOP, and in news sure to delight ex-WCP reader Carl, Dancing With the Stars' lovebirds Shannon Elizabeth and Ricky SchroderDerek Hough say they are getting married in Las Vegas. Burt Reynolds unfortunately couldn't get out of the Madame Tussaud museum he lives in to walk the red carpet.

This is the first of our new series of poker blog round-ups at Wicked Chops Poker in which we send people to other blogs to get their poker news fix. Yep, we're all about link love here at Wicked Chops Poker. Link love and laziness.

:: Shocking! Men "The Master" Nguyen accused of cheating in LA, this time by none other than Justin Bonomo (Click here)

So we made it to the Commerce today after a night of relatively moderate bedlam that kicked off at the Library Alehouse in Santa Monica and somehow ended up with us at a Laurel Canyon mansion this morning with a group of Venice Beach trust fund hippies who graffiti'd are SUV rental with Obama stickers.

We'll save that story however for our forthcoming 4-part series entitled "How We Spent the Friday Night Before the WPT LA Poker Classic."

For now, the word from the Commerce is that the action got underway almost 35 7 plus hours ago and we're finally getting around to writing something and we don't have much to say besides that pretty much every poker player you know this side of the Atlantic is here including Phil Hellmuth, Phil Ivey, Jamie Gold, John Phan, Carlos Mortensen, Are You Really Reading this List?, Paul Wasicka, Vannessa "Went to Duke" Rousso, Grover Cleveland, Layne Flack, Phil Laak, Josh Arieh, Rhahaeid Skaoodo, David Plastik, Barry Greenstein, Dan Harrington, Erick Lindgren, Mother Teresa, Eric Mizrachi, Scott Clements, Haralabos Voulgaris, Still Reading This?, David Williams, Freddy Deeb, We Wonder What We Should Eat for Dinner, Gavin Smith, David Singer, Lee Watkinson, Perhaps We'll Go to Panchos Tonight, Tom Schneider, Mark Seif, This Is Getting Tiring, Chau Giang, Tim Phan and Erick Seidel.

In total, 665 players started today, down considerably from last year's 791, and the total prize pool is $6,374,400, with first place set to take home $1,596,100. In 2007, Eric Hershler walked away with $2,429,970.

We know. You've refreshed our site 1,000 times today screaming aloud, "Dammit Entities! Fucking put up numbers 1 and 2 already!" But all good things are worth the wait. So we apologize since this probably wasn't worth the wait. Whatever. Fuck off.

2) Absolute and A.J. Green Give Online Poker A Bad Beat. So, why isn't the Absolute Poker scumbags-super-user-AJ-Green-dipshit our #1 story? Because nobody seems to care anymore. After an initial dip in active players, Absolute's numbers rebounded quickly. The outcry died down. Life went on. Obla di obla da. That's too bad, because: 1) at a time when we're fighting UIGEA legislation, this scandal gives plenty fuel to the fire over the legitimacy of online poker, 2) all of those donks or 9/11-type conspiracy geeks got to say, "I know it! I lost all of that money because people were cheating against me!", and 3) some long-haired a-hole like AJ Green could take online poker players for $7M or so. That just ain't right. Watch Mark Seif's comments on it here, and Dan Druff's thoughts here. Read more here and here.

1) Phil Laak Extorted, and Murder in the Panorama Towers. That's right, we have dual Most Wicked Stories of the Year. Why? Well first, as we noted in our first "top stories" post, doing things two at a time reminds us of how we liked our woman back in the day. But also, both of these stories are messed up enough that they could make really good Lifetime movies. For a recap on both:

:: Some Brit ex-pat living in Thailand named Tom Grant posted a web page claiming that he befriended Phil Laak seven years ago, bailed him out of some trouble, went into an import/export business (drugs) with Laak and then after a snafu, claims that Laak sought to have him and his wife killed for $30,000 for no good reason. He threatened to release damaging evidence to back up these claims, then took down the site after Laak (likely) paid him off. Crazy shit. Read more about it here and good work from Bill Rini on it here (unless his site is still down, which it appears to be now).

:: William "The Manipulator" Gustafik, a 44-year-old Las Vegas chiropractor and poker professional, was found stabbed to death in his condo unit at the Panorama Towers, a luxury high-rise just off the Vegas strip that David Williams moved into as well as Antonio Esfandiari. Turns out his wife, Jill Rockcastle, did it, as she admitted in a 10 page letter, partly because she was sick of him losing money at poker. Naturally, killing someone is a much easier way to resolve a problem then just leaving the guy. Read more here.

All right, that's it. Happy and healthy 2008 to you all. And finally, a little Keeley Hazell to set your year off right here.

In some more excellent work by Bill Rini, turns out that Laak "compensated" Grant to shut him up. Grant originally said that his motivation for trashing Laak was all about revenge and had nothing to do with money. But as is almost always the case, it actually had everything to do with money.

As Rini points out:

What needs to be said is how this not being about money was suddenly solved by money. In fact, that seems to be a recurring theme with Tom Grant.

So if we are to believe Tom’s story we can assume the following:

a) Tom ripped off Phil for $15K on a heroin deal.b) Tom then split the $15K Phil paid the hitman with the hitman.c) Tom extorted further money from Phil using threats of going public with the story.

Read Rini's full post here. Read about a family with a paraplegic who says Tom Grant and his company Adventure Holiday Thailand ripped them off here. For more pics of hot girls from Thailand, here.

As we reported a couple days ago, angry Thai tour guide Tom Grant was supposed to update his PhilLaak-Thailand.com site with more information on Friday, August 10th (today). This still hasn't happened.

This raises an obvious question: by which time zone's standards was he supposed to update the site? Because if it was by Thailand time, then it's already Saturday the 11th. And if Tom Grant is lying about when he was going to update his site, thenwhat else is he lying about???

That's at least what we'd say if we were prosecuting this case in a court of law. The court room would then erupt and the judge would start banging his gavel repeatedly, yelling "Silence! Silence! Case dismissed!" because we don't even need DNA or rock solid circumstantial evidence to win court cases, we just need to make vague corollaries, that's how convincing we are.

Rini then had an email exchange with Tom Grant, the man behind the accusations. Read this for the full exchange, but basically Grant admits that the reason he is going balls out now telling his story is to ruin Laak's rep since he allegedly tried to have his wife killed. Sounds reasonably enough.

In related news, chicks from Thailand are super hot. So hot that they can make you forget about all of this "murder" stuff. Example 1a is May Pitchanart (below). More pics of her after the jump. Ok with that out of the way, what were we talking about earlier? Oh yeah, girls from Thailand are hot.

First off, this is a ridiculous story that has almost* zero credibility. Second, it is our professional opinion as pretend scientists who specialize in mental illness that the guy pimping this story is a total nut job who takes every chance he can to mention his business which apparently caters to special needs people, which in the end, anyone doing business with a guy like this has to be insane, which we guess is a special need, so he has that going for him.

So here's the short of it . . . some Brit ex-pat living in Thailand named Tom Grant has posted a web page claiming that he befriended Phil Laak seven years ago, bailed him out of some trouble, went into an import/export business with Laak and then after a snafu, claims that Laak sought to have him and his wife killed for $30,000 for no good reason.

Convincing, huh?

Rather than us post a link to this guy's web page, here are links to the 2+2 and NWP threads on the story. Go get it there.

* While this story reeks like a Bangkok hooker after a hot summer night of trickin', it is worth noting that Laak did travel the world back then as a backgammon player and a few years ago a guy named Tripwyre, who doesn't appear to be the nut job above, posted a comment at www.homepokergames.com saying that he lived with Laak and that "there are quite a few things actually im sure he would like to sweep under the rug and forget(Thailand,cheating,drug stuff etc)."

Phil Laak and Ali Eslami beat Polaris, the poker playing computer program designed by really smart guys from Canada who are just like really smart guys from America just not as smart, in the first ever man-versus-machine poker championship. Read all about it here, here and here, but not here.

Poker pros Phil Laak and Ali Eslami are in the midst of a two days heads-up match for $50,000 against a machine not named Michael Mizrachi, who is a machine, at the annual conference of the Association for the Advancement of Artificial Intelligence in Vancouver, a city north of Seattle.

Cana-nerds at the University of Alberta have developed a poker playing computer named Polaris and have apparently improved upon the science behind a program Laak defeated two years ago by employing more game theory into the equation to account for changing gears during play. To take luck out of the equation as much as possible, Laak and Eslami are playing against Polaris in separate rooms, and their games are mirror images of one another, with Eslami getting the cards that Polaris received in its hands against Laak, and vice versa.

At the end of Day 1 action in this first ever Man-Machine Poker Championship, Polaris has the edge, winning the second session of play after coming to a draw earlier in the day. Someone over at the University of Alberta is live blogging the event, which really brings to life the excitement of two guys sitting in a room playing a computer for ten hours. Go check out the blog here and if you enjoy this kind of stuff, definitely check out this exciting YouTube video.

If you're into boring crap instead, like 50 second videos of hot chicks in little white shorts shaking their goods while putting lip gloss on, check out the below.