I attended my friend's mother's funeral service today. This is the second funeral service I have been to in 13 months. Both were in the same funeral home. Both had open caskets. I couldn't get myself to go up to the open casket. I'm not sure I understand the need to have the casket open.

Maybe it's because I don't want to see the deceased in that state. There is a big piece of me that believes that part of the best thing about someone you know is having memories of them. Happy memories. Maybe I don't want to see them lying there lifeless. Maybe I want to remember them the last time I saw them. Alive. Maybe I'm weird.

Many people feel forced to go through the line to view the casket. I never feel like I have to. I actually am fine with people just coming in and taking some time to pay their respects. If all you do is sit there and remember the good times you had with this person, then you are fine. I especially don't get it when people go through the viewing line if they have never interacted with the deceased. I have been one of those people. I decided to let my partner mourn his way and I stood in the back. Maybe I am just weird for standing.

I believe that people mourn in their own way. I prefer to mourn by remembering that person's smiling face. I prefer to remember the good moments. I prefer to just sit in the back and let my friend know that I am there if he needs me. I don't feel that I need to go through the rituals that are set by people. I don't care if they think that I am disrespectful. I need to mourn my way. Maybe I am weird for standing my ground.

Maybe all that matters is that I showed up for my friend and his mom. Maybe definitely. Later.