Dispatches From an Alternate America.

Policy critiques aside, the GOP's "new" Contract Pledge for America reads like a desperate message from a previously unknown Mirror Universe, where Barack Obama is a cruel tyrant, and the federal government isn't made up of elected and politically accountable officials. For example:

An unchecked executive, a compliant legislature, and an overreaching judiciary have combined to thwart the will of the people and overturn their votes and their values, striking down long-standing laws and institutions and scorning the deepest beliefs of the America people.

In the Mirror Universe, Barack Obama has used his mind-control powers to manipulate Congress into repealing, among other things: apple pie, baseball, the Republican Party, and optimism. The message continues:

An arrogant and out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites makes decisions, issues mandates, and enacts laws without accepting or requesting the input of the many.

In the Mirror Universe, it seems, Barack Obama appointed himself to the presidency in the wake of a power vacuum left by George W. Bush, a popular and much beloved liberal champion. Upon assuming power, Obama began his campaign to squelch freedom and abolish liberty, subverting American democracy, and inspiring a resistance movement, which for reasons unknown, sent this message to the United States of Earth-Prime.

Back on Earth-Prime, however, Barack Obama is the democratically elected president of the United States. After months of campaigning on promises to improve the economy, reform health care, and fix the financial system, Obama carried 53 percent of the vote and immediately moved -- along with the democratically elected majority in Congress -- to implement those policies. Since then, the economy has worsened, and the public feels less confident about his leadership. Still, there is broad consensus among the people that Obama is a typical American president, operating within established bounds. I understand the urgency and fear of Republicans from the Mirror Universe, but my hunch is that their cry will fall on deaf ears.