For Haseeb's first software developer job, he was able to
negotiate a total compensation package of US $250,000 for his first
year at Airbnb. He believes negotiation is a skill that can be
learned, just like any other. And it isn't particularly elusive or
hard to understand. In this episode, he explains how anyone can
negotiate effectively.

When the story of how I landed a job at Airbnb went viral, I was
surprised at how infatuated people were with my negotiations. Media
stories portrayed me as some kind of master negotiator — a wily
ex-poker-player who was able to con the tech giants into a
lucrative job offer.

This is silly. It’s silly for a lot of reasons, but one of the
main ones is that in reality, my negotiation skills are nothing
special. There are lots of job candidates who are better
negotiators than I, to speak nothing of recruiters and other
professional negotiators.

It just so happens that most people don’t negotiate at all, or
if they do, they negotiate just enough to satisfy themselves that
they did.

Worse yet, most of the advice out there on negotiation is
borderline useless. Almost anything you read on the subject will be
a vague and long-winded exhortation to “make sure you negotiate”
and “never say the first number.” Beyond those two morsels of
advice, you’re pretty much on your own.

I thought to myself: why is there so little actionable advice
out there about negotiation? I suspect it’s because deep down, many
people believe that negotiation is inexplicable, that it’s
something some people can do and others can’t, and that there’s no
real way to break it down so anyone can learn it.

I say that’s BS. Negotiation is a skill that can be learned,
just like any other. I don’t believe it’s particularly elusive or
hard to understand. So I’m going to try to explain how anyone can
do it.

Three caveats.

First: I’m not an expert. There are people who really are
experts at this, and when my advice contradicts theirs, you should
assume I’m wrong.

Second: negotiation is tricky to generalize about because it’s
deeply intertwined with social dynamics and power. The appropriate
advice for an Asian male in Silicon Valley may not be appropriate
for a black woman in Birmingham, Alabama. Racial, sexual, and
political dynamics accompany you to the negotiating table.

At the same time, I want to caution against overemphasizing
these factors. Being afraid to negotiate out of fear of
discrimination can often be just as deleterious as discrimination
itself.

Ceteris paribus, negotiate aggressively.

Third: I’m the first to admit that negotiation is stupid. It’s a
practice that inherently benefits those who are good at it, and is
an absurd axis on which to reward people. But it’s a reality of our
economic system. And like most collective action problems, we’re
probably not going to be able to abolish it any time soon. In which
case, you might as well improve at it.

So here’s my guide to negotiation. It’s going to be split into
two parts: this first part will be about conceptualizing the
negotiating process, about how to begin the process and set
yourself up for maximal success. The second part will be advice on
the actual back-and-forth portion of negotiating and how to ask for
what you want.

Let’s take it from the top.

What it means to “get a job”

In our culture we call entering the employment market “trying to
get a job.” This is an unfortunate turn of phrase. “Getting a job”
implies that jobs are a resource out in the world, and you’re
attempting to secure one of these resources. But that’s completely
backwards. What you are actually doing is selling your labor, and a
company is bidding for it.

Employment is just striking a mutual deal in the labor
market.

Like any market, the labor market only functions well if it’s
competitive. This is the only way to ensure fair and equitable
pricing. Imagine you were a farmer selling watermelons. Would you
just sell your watermelons to the first buyer who agreed to
purchase them? Or would you survey the marketplace of buyers, see
the best price (and business partner) you could get, and then make
an informed decision on which buyer to sell to?

And yet, when people talk about the labor market, they think
“oh, a company wants to give me a job! What a relief!” As though
having a job were in itself some special privilege for which a
company is the gatekeeper.

Dispel yourself of this mindset.

A job is just a deal. It is a deal between you and a company to
exchange labor for money (and other things you value).

This might sound like an abstract point, but you should
absolutely approach negotiation from this perspective.

The role of negotiation

Negotiating is a natural and expected part of the process of
trying to make a deal. It’s also a signal of competence and
seriousness. Companies generally respect candidates who negotiate,
and most highly attractive candidates negotiate (if for no other
reason, because they often have too many options to choose
from).

At the risk of spouting truisms: always, always negotiate. It
doesn’t matter how good or bad you think you are. You never damage
a relationship by negotiating.

In all my time as an instructor at App Academy, out of hundreds
of offers negotiated, only once or twice were offers ever rescinded
in negotiations. It basically never happens. And when it does,
usually the candidate was being an unconscionable asshole, or the
company was imploding and needed an excuse to rescind the
offer.

You might think to yourself: “well, I don’t want to set high
expectations, and the offer is already generous, so I ought to just
take it.”

No. Negotiate.

Or maybe: “I don’t want to start off on the wrong foot and look
greedy with my future employer.”

No. Negotiate.

“But this company is small and — “

No. Shut up. Negotiate.

We’ll talk more in the next section about why a lot of these
objections are BS, and fundamentally misapprehend the dynamics of
hiring. But for now, just trust me that you should always
negotiate.

The ten rules of negotiating
I’ve tried to boil down negotiation to ten rules. The rules, in
order of appearance, are:

- Get everything in writing
- Always keep the door open
- Information is power
- Always be positive
- Don’t be the decision maker
- Have alternatives
- Proclaim reasons for everything
- Be motivated by more than just money
- Understand what they value
- Be winnable

We’ll only get through some of these in this blog post, and the
rest will appear in the second part. But I’ll explain each rule as
we get to it.

So let’s start from the top and try to walk through a
negotiation process from the very beginning. For most, that starts
when you receive an offer.

The offer conversation

You’ve just received the phone call: your interview went well,
and after much deliberation they decided they like you. They want
to make you an offer. Congratulations!

Don’t get too excited though. The fun is just getting
started.

Thank your recruiter. Sound excited — hopefully this won’t be
hard. Before jumping into details, try to ask for specific feedback
on your interview performance. If they give it to you, this will
help you gauge how much they want you, as well as tell you things
you can improve on in your next interview(s).

Now time to explore the offer.

Rule #1 of negotiating: have everything in writing.

Eventually, they’ll give you information about the offer. Write
it all down. Doesn’t matter if they’re going to send you a written
version later, write everything down. Even if there are things that
are not directly monetary, if they relate to the job, write them
down. If they tell you “we’re working on porting the front-end to
Angular,” write that down. If they say they have 20 employees,
write that down. You want as much information as you can. You’ll
forget a lot of this stuff, and it’s going to be important in
informing your final decision.

Depending on the company, they’ll also tell you about the equity
package. We’ll look more specifically at equity in part II, but be
sure to write everything down.

The rule from here on out is that everything significant you
discuss will have some kind of a paper trail. Often, the company
won’t even send you an official offer letter until a deal is
finalized. So it falls to you to confirm all of the important
details in subsequent e-mails.

So yadda yadda, lots of details, writing stuff down, oh there’s
a joke, time to laugh. Now the recruiter is done talking and you’re
done asking all of your questions.

Your recruiter will now say something along the lines of “so
what do you think?”

This seems innocuous, but your reply here is critical, because
there’s a lot you can say to weaken your position. This is your
first decision point.

A decision point is a moment in the negotiation where your
interlocutor wants to compel you to make a decision. If they
succeed in tying you to a position, they will close the door on
further negotiating. Of course “what do you think?” is a subtle
prod. But it is the beginning of many attempts to get you to make a
premature commitment.

This leads to rule #2 of negotiating: always keep the door open.
Never give up your negotiating power until you’re absolutely ready
to make an informed, deliberate final decision.

This means your job is to traverse as many of these decision
points as possible without giving up the power to continue
negotiating. Very frequently, your interlocutor will try to trick
you into making a decision, or tie you to a decision you didn’t
commit to. You must keep verbally jiu-jitsu-ing out of these antics
until you’re actually ready to make your final decision.

Protecting information

There’s an uncomfortable silence by now, and their “what do you
think?” is hanging in the air.

If you say “yes, that sounds amazing, when do I start?” you
implicitly accept the offer and completely close the door on the
negotiation. This is your recruiter’s number one favorite thing to
hear. It stands to reason you probably shouldn’t do this.

But their second favorite thing to hear you say is “can you do
90K instead of 85K?” This also closes the door, but for a different
and more subtle reason. And it’s the number one reason why most
people suck at negotiation.

Rule #3 of negotiating: information is power. To protect your
power in the negotiation, you must protect information as much as
possible.

A company doesn’t give you insight into what it’s thinking. It
doesn’t tell you its price range, how much it paid the previous
candidate with your experience, or anything like that. It
intentionally obfuscates those things. But it wants you not to do
the same.

A company wants to be like a bidder in a secret auction. But
unlike the other bidders, it wants to know exactly how high all of
the other bids are. It then openly intends to exploit that
knowledge, often by bidding one cent more than the second highest
bid.

Yeah, no. Screw that. It’s a silent auction, and to keep it that
way, you must protect information.

In many situations, the only reason why you have any negotiating
power at all is because the employer doesn’t actually know what
you’re thinking. They might not know how good your other offers
are, or how much you were making in your last job, or how you weigh
salary vs equity, or even how rational you are as a decision-maker.
Bottom line, you want them to be uncertain on exactly what it would
take to sign you.

When you say “can you do 90K instead of 85K,” you’ve told them
exactly what it will take to make you sign. The sheet’s pulled
back, the secret auction is up, and they’re going to bid 90K (or
more likely, 87K). And they know there’s almost no risk in doing
so, because you’ll probably accept.

What if you were the kind of person who wouldn’t even consider
an offer below 110K? Or the kind of person who wouldn’t consider an
offer below 120K? If you were, you wouldn’t ask for 90K, and if
they offered it as conciliation, you’d tell them to stop wasting
your time.

By staying silent, they don’t actually know which of those kinds
of people you are. In their mind, you could be any of the
three.

A corollary of this rule is that you should not reveal to
companies what you’re currently making. There are some exceptions,
but as a rule you should assume this. If you must divulge what
you’re making, you should be liberal in noting the total value of
your package (incorporate bonuses, unvested stock, nearness to
promotion etc.), and always mention it in a context like “[XYZ] is
what I’m currently making, and I’m definitely looking for a step up
in my career for my next role.”

Companies will ask about your current compensation at different
stages in the process — some before they ever interview you, some
after they decide to make you an offer. But be mindful of this, and
protect information.

So given this offer, don’t ask for more money or equity or
anything of the sort. Don’t comment on any specific details of the
offer except to clarify them.

Give away nothing. Retain your power.

Say instead:

“Yeah, [COMPANY_NAME] sounds great! I really thought this was a
good fit, and I’m glad that you guys agree. Right now I’m talking
with a few other companies so I can’t speak to the specific details
of the offer until I’m done with the process and get closer to
making a decision. But I’m sure we’ll be able to find a package
that we’re both happy with, because I really would love to be a
part of the team.”

Think like the watermelon farmer. This offer is just the first
businessman who’s stopped by your watermelon patch, glanced over
your crops, and announced “I’ll take all of these right now for $2
a melon.”

Cool. It’s a big market, and you’re patient — you’re a farmer
after all. Just smile and tell them you’ll keep their offer in
mind.

And this is super important: always be unequivocally
positive.

The importance of positivity

Staying positive is rule #4 of negotiation. Even if the offer
sucks, it’s extremely important to remain positive and excited
about the company. This is because your excitement is one of your
most valuable assets in a negotiation.

A company is making you an offer because they think you’ll do
hard work for them if they pay you. If you lose your excitement for
the company during the interview process, then they’ll lose
confidence that you’ll actually want to work hard or stay there for
a long time. Each of those makes you less attractive as an
investment. Remember, you are the product! If you become less
excited, then the product you’re selling actually loses value.

Imagine you were negotiating with someone over buying your
watermelons, but the negotiation took so long that by the time
you’d reached an agreement, your watermelons had gone bad.

Companies are terrified of that. They don’t want their
candidates to go bad during a negotiation. Hence why they hire
professional recruiters to manage the process and make sure they
remain amicable. You and the recruiter share the same interest in
that regard. If a company feels like you’ve gone bad, suddenly
they’re a lot less willing to pay for you.

So despite whatever is happening in the negotiation, give the
company the impression that 1) you still like the company, and that
2) you’re still excited to work there, even if the numbers or the
money or the timing is not working out. Generally the most
convincing thing to signal this is to reiterate you love the
mission, the team, or the problem they’re working on, and really
want to see things work out.

Don’t be the decision-maker

You can wrap up the conversation now by saying:

“I’ll look over some of these details and discuss it with my
[FAMILY / CLOSE_FRIENDS / SIGNIFICANT_OTHER]. I’ll reach out to you
if I have any questions. Thanks so much for sharing the good news
with me, and I’ll be in touch!”

So not only are you ending the conversation with the power all
in your hands, but note there’s another important move here: you’re
roping in other decision-makers.

Rule #5 of negotiation: don’t be the decision-maker. Even if you
don’t particularly care what your friends/family/husband/mother
thinks, by mentioning them, you’re no longer the only person the
recruiter needs to win over. There’s no point in them trying to
bully and intimidate you; the “true decision-maker” is beyond their
reach.

This is a classic technique in customer support and remediation.
It’s never the person on the phone’s fault, they’re just some poor
schmuck doing their job. It’s not their decision to make. This
helps to defuse tension and give them more control of the
situation.

It’s much harder to pressure someone if they’re not the final
decision-maker. So take advantage of that.

Okay!

We have our first offer. Send a follow-up e-mail confirming all
of the details you discussed with your recruiter so you have a
paper trail. Just say “just wanted to confirm I had all the details
right.”

Groovy. Next step is to leverage this to land other offers and
find the best deal we can find in the job market.

Getting other offers

Turns out, it doesn’t matter that much where your first offer is
from, or even how much they’re offering you. Just having an offer
in hand will get the engine running.

If you’re already in the pipeline with other companies (which
you should be if you’re doing it right), you should proactively
reach out and let them know that you’ve just received an offer. Try
to build a sense of urgency. Regardless of whether you know the
expiration date, all offers expire at some point, so take advantage
of that.

“Hello [PERSON], I just wanted to update you on my own process.
I’ve just received an offer from [COMPANY] which is quite strong.
That said, I’m really excited about [YOUR AMAZING COMPANY] and
really want to see if we can make it work. Since my timeline is now
compressed, is there anything you can do to expedite the
process?”

Should you specifically mention the company that gave you an
offer? Depends. If it’s a well-known company or a competitor, then
definitely mention it. If it’s a no-name or unsexy company, you
should just say you received an offer. If it’s expiring soon, you
should mention that as well.

Either way, send out a letter like this to every single company
you’re talking to. No matter how hopeless or pointless you think
your application is, you want to send this signal to everyone who
is considering you in the market.

Second, if there are any other companies you are looking to
apply to (whether through referral or cold application), or even
companies at which you’ve already applied but haven’t heard back, I
would also follow up with a similar e-mail.

So why do this? Isn’t this tacky, annoying, or even
desperate?

None of the above. It is the oldest method in history to
galvanize a marketplace — show that supplies are limited and build
urgency. Demand breeds demand. Not every company will respond to
this, but many will.

Isn’t it stupid that companies respond to this though?

Why companies care about other offers

When I wrote about the story of my own job search, I mentioned
how having an offer from Google made companies turn around and
expedite me through their funnels. Many commentators lamented at
the capriciousness of these companies. If Uber or Twitch only
talked to me because of Google and until then weren’t willing to
look at me, what did that say about their hiring processes? What
legitimately are they evaluating, if anything at all?

I think this response is totally backwards. The behavior of tech
companies here is actually very rational, and you would do well to
understand it.

First, you must realize what a company’s goal is. A company’s
goal is to hire someone who will become an effective employee and
produce more value than their cost. How do you figure out who will
do that? Well, you can’t know for certain without actually hiring
them, but there are a few proxies. Pedigree is the strongest
signal; if they did it at other companies, they can probably do it
at yours. And if someone trusted within the organization can vouch
for them, that’s often a strong signal as well.

But turns out, almost everything else is a weak signal. Weak in
the sense that it’s just not very reliable. Interviews, if you
think about it, are long, sweaty, uncomfortable affairs that only
glancingly resemble actual employment. They’re weird and can’t tell
you that much about whether an individual will be good at their
job. There’s no way around this. There are a few stronger signals,
like bringing someone in for a week or two on a contract-to-hire
position, but strong candidates won’t consider this. So candidates
as a whole have effectively forced companies to assume almost all
of the risk in hiring.

The truth is, knowing that someone has passed your interview
just doesn’t say that much about whether they’ll be a good
employee. It’s as though you knew nothing about a student other
than their SAT score. It’s just not a lot of data to go off.

Nobody has solved this problem. Not Google nor anyone else.

And this is precisely why it’s rational for companies to care
that you’ve received other offers. They care because each company
knows that their own process is noisy, and the processes of most
other companies are also noisy. But a candidate having multiple
offers means that they have multiple weak signals in their favor.
Combined, these converge into a much stronger signal than any
single interview. It’s like knowing that a student has a strong SAT
score, and GPA, and won various scholarships. Sure, it’s still
possible that they’re a dunce, but it’s much harder for that to be
true.

This is not to say that companies respond proportionally to
these signals, or that they don’t overvalue credentials and brands.
They do. But caring about whether you have other offers and valuing
you accordingly is completely rational.

So this is all to say — tell other companies that you’ve
received offers. Give them more signal so that they know you’re a
valued and compelling candidate. And understand why this changes
their mind about whether to interview you.

As you continue interviewing, remember to keep practicing your
interview skills. The single strongest determinant of your final
offer will be the number and strength of offers that you
receive.

Some advice on timing

You want to be strategic about the timing of your offers.
Generally, you should try to start interviewing at larger companies
earlier. Their processes are slower and their offer windows are
wider (meaning they allow you more time to decide). Startups are
the other way around.

Your goal should be to have as many offers overlapping at the
same time as possible. This will maximize your window for
negotiating.

When you receive an offer, often the first thing you should ask
for is more time to make your decision. Especially in your first
offer, more time is by far the most valuable thing you can ask for.
It’s time that enables you to activate other companies and end up
with the strongest possible offer. So be prepared to fight for
time.

How to approach exploding offers

Hoo boy.

Exploding offers are offers that expire within 24–72 hours. You
won’t see this much at big companies, but they’re becoming
increasingly common among startups and mid-sized companies.

Exploding offers suck, and I share most people’s disdain for
this practice. But I do understand it. Exploding offers are a
natural weapon for employers to combat a strong hiring market for
tech workers. Companies know exactly what they’re doing with
exploding offers — they play on fear and limit your ability to seek
out counteroffers.

In a sense, it’s unsurprising that if startups have more
difficulty attracting and securing talent, they’d resort to this
practice. What I don’t like is the dishonesty about it. Employers
often justify this by saying:

“If you need more time than this, then that’s a sign you’re not
the kind of person we’re looking for.”

Please don’t buy this crap or feel guilty over it. They’re
simply doing this to improve their chance of closing candidates.
Needing more than three days to make a life decision isn’t a sign
of anything other than thoughtfulness.

So what should you do if you receive an exploding offer?

Exploding offers are anathema to your ability to effectively
navigate the labor market. Thus, there is only one thing to do.
Treat the offer as a non-offer unless the expiration window is
widened.

In no uncertain terms, convey that if the offer is exploding,
it’s useless to you.

Example conversation:

“I have one big concern. You mentioned that this offer explodes
in 48 hours. I’m afraid this doesn’t work at all for me. There’s no
way that I can make a decision on this offer within a 48 hour
window. I’m currently wrapping up my interview process at a few
other companies, which is likely to take me another week or so. So
I’m going to need more time to make an informed decision.”

If they push back and say this is the best they can do, then
politely reply:

“That’s really unfortunate. I like [YOUR COMPANY] and was really
excited about the team, but like I said, there’s no way I can
consider this offer. 48 hours is just too unreasonable of a window.
The next company I join will be a big life decision for me, and I
take my commitments very seriously. I also need to consult with my
[EXTERNAL_DECISION_MAKER]. There’s no way that I can make a
decision I’m comfortable with in this short an amount of time.”

Pretty much any company will relent at this point. If they
persist, don’t be afraid to walk away over it. (They probably won’t
let that happen, and will come grab you as you’re walking out the
door. But if they don’t, then honestly, screw ‘em.)

I was given several exploding offers during my job search. And
every time, I did essentially this. Every single offer immediately
widened to become more reasonable, sometimes by several weeks.

I want to emphasize, lest I be misunderstood here — what I’m
saying is not to just silently let an exploding offer expire, and
assume that everything will be fine and they’ll still hire you.
They won’t. For exploding offers to be a credible weapon, a company
has to have a reputation of enforcing them. I’m saying explicitly
call this out as an issue when they make the offer.

Don’t let a company bully you into giving away your negotiating
power.

The Negotiating Mindset

Before we enter into the actual back-and-forth, I want to
examine the mindset you should have as a negotiator. This applies
not just to how you approach the conversation, but also to how you
think about the company.

Do not fall into the trap of valuing companies solely along one
dimension. That means don’t just value companies based on salary,
equity, or even on prestige. Those are all important dimensions,
but so are cultural fit, the challenge of the work, learning
potential, later career options, quality of life, growth potential,
and just overall happiness. None of these inherently trump any of
the other. Anyone who tells you “just choose wherever you think
you’ll be happiest” is being just as simplistic as someone who says
“just choose the one that offers the most money.” All of these
things matter, and your decision should be genuinely
multi-dimensional.

Be open to being surprised as you explore different
companies.

It’s also important to understand that companies don’t all value
you along the same dimension either. That is, different companies
are genuinely looking for different skills, and there are some
companies at which you will be more and less valuable. Even at peer
companies this is true, especially so if you have a specialized
skill-set.

The more companies you talk to, the more likely you are to find
a company to which you are significantly more valuable than the
rest. Chances are this is where you’ll be able to negotiate your
strongest offer. It might surprise you which company this turns out
to be; keep an open mind, and remember that a job search is a
2-sided process.

One of the most valuable things you can do for yourself in this
process is to really try to understand how employers think and what
motivates them. Understanding your interlocutor is extremely
important in negotiation, and we’ll be exploring that a lot in the
next blog post.

But most of all I want to emphasize: be curious about the other
side. Try to understand why employers think the way they do. Be
sympathetic toward them. Care about what they want and help them
try to get it. Adopting this mindset will make you a much stronger
negotiator, and accordingly, a much better employee and team
member.

Okay. That’s as far as we’re going for today. In the next blog
post, I’m going to cover the last four rules of negotiation. I’ll
also go over the actual back-and-forth process — how to ask for
what you want, how to strengthen offers, and how to dismantle the
tricks that companies will try to pull on you. Also a lot more on
the theory of negotiation, which I really dig.

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