My precious...

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

OMFG, it
stinks like a frat house mattress up in here, can’t something be done? My girls
are milking aphids at this very moment, hoping that our little bug cows oozing
sweet nectar might mask the awful stank. Did our human neighbors buy a race
horse?

From the
smell of it, almost every fucking tunnel is probably piss mud and dead workers.
I expect this mess to be cleaned up and smell gone by nightfall. If you need
replacements, I’m definitely up for another gangbang.

Too bad you
missed the last one, it was a wash – get it? I’m getting my ass banged off and
suddenly there’s a major piss storm. Too soon? Anyway, two of the soldiers
ended up with whiskey dick after taking more than their share of nectar since
several of the workers didn’t drink, being Mormon or something. The drunks were
passed off to some milk maids who had their way with them, you must have heard
their thoraxes pop, LMAO.

So yeah,
chop chop, Mon Generale, in Chines and in French, the reek of this latest
disaster is giving me a headache but not so much that I’ll offer a raincheck on
putting my legs in the air. So, if we’ve become someone’s toilet, let’s get out
of his potty place, at least move our entrances to a more discrete spot. After
all, it’s become obvious that, the more our mounds are out there, the more mine
are as well.

To: The
Queen

From: The
General

I am choked
with rage at this latest assault, Your Highness, your safety and concern are my
highest priorities. To those ends, I am deeply sorry that you endure this odor
and I assure you that we will have the problem fixed well before nightfall. We
already have three entrances open and they have been located well into the
grass. In addition, we are simultaneously closing tunnels that were flooded in
order to eliminate the stench.

Of course,
trailways within lawn makes for slower gathering and, while it camouflages our
location, it obscures our line of sight for other mounds. As I said, however,
your safety and peace of mind are my raison d'être and moving our entrances
within the shade of the lawn is well worth your well-being.

To catch you up: It appears that a human adult
intentionally assaulted the colony with his own urine, several times throughout
the night; he was no random pisser. It seems entrances were specifically
targeted, leading to flooding that exceeded our flood channeling designs; his
water was, simply speaking, turned into a weapon of mass destruction. By the
end of the first assault, all egress and ingress routes had been completely
destroyed, stranding almost a third of the colony from access to the rest of
us. Unfortunately, as attacks continued throughout the night, more and more
tunnels were flooded.

After
digging out an exit by first light, I surveyed the area to see that our
perimeter center had been flooded but most extensively at all holes where deep
craters had been pounded into the ground. Of the dead, 39 drowned, many
seemingly intentionally as corpses were buried deep into mud, as well as 17
soldiers, burned to death. We saved you several burned bodies and fed the rest
of the dead to victims stranded in the first tunnels that were flooded.

Finally, we
will need more soldiers. Reports say he wears flip-flops and we have employed tactics
for attacking his feet. We’re good on workers, so you’ll just have soldiers
tonight.

Again, I apologize
for allowing our queen mother’s sweet essence to be polluted by some maniac’s
whiz.

To: G

From: Ur
Queen Mother

NP. Send
those boys up for some Queen Mama jelly roll and her sweet essence. Ha, that
sounds like the name for an R&B band. All soldiers, that’s good, I like a
military party from time to time. Honoring their service by having them service
me. The workers will be missed, though – I like how rough they are!