Shocking News! Parcells May Look For New Job

The genius of Parcells is that he never bothers to stick around

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Bill Parcells, the Executive Vice President of the Miami Dolphins, watches the football team work out Monday, July 28, 2008 in Davie, Fla. during the third day of training camp. (AP Photo/J. Pat Carter)

In news that will stun and shock you, it turns out that Bill Parcells may not exactly be satisfied with life as a mere consultant in Miami.

After transferring final say on all football matter to Jeff Ireland, I think most of us agreed that it would take the Tuna about, oh, four seconds to start looking for a new job. And lo and behold, the process has begun anew. Did he say this openly? No. But I know Parcells-speak when I hear it. Just look at what he said to reporters yesterday in a conference call:

"I am not a sit-around-the-fireplace guy. I don't know. I am not certain about it. We will see what happens when the time comes. I know I want to do something even if it is not day-to-day or something like that. I know I want to do something. I don't like sitting around. I like to get up and go do something. We will figure it out when the time comes."

Translation: This man is already fielding offers from San Francisco, Detroit, and Jacksonville, and may very well be on a plane as we speak to spend another glorious year and a half helping a downtrodden team get back to mild respectability.

I see how Parcells operates now. It’s kind of brilliant. If you take over a team that’s done nothing but lose lately, as he did in Miami, then you have virtually nowhere else to go but up from there. Switch a few things around and any one-win team is bound to show some signs of improvement. The genius of Parcells is that he never bothers to stick around to COMPLETE the task at hand.

This man hasn’t had a hand in winning a Super Bowl in over two decades. None of the places he’s worked since leaving the Giants: New England, the Jets, Dallas, Miami… none of those teams won a Super Bowl with him at the helm. Oh, they did BETTER. But were they taken all the way to the promised land? No, they were not.

Yet Parcells is shrewd enough to leave before anyone realizes it. All anyone thinks when he leaves is hey, we don’t suck quite so hard anymore! THANKS, BILL! At some point, Parcells will have to be scrutinized for never seeing any of these rebuilding projects all the way through. It takes a lot of luck to win a Super Bowl, but he left Dallas and Miami without so much as a playoff win. His next job, he’ll probably take off by the seventh win of his first year.

That’s just how Bill Parcells rolls. Some day, there won’t be a team willing to buy into it.