Music

Apr 11, 2014, 01:09PM

Do Not Miss This Show!

Staunchwater, N.Y. sits on the edge of the Sprain Reservoir near northern Yonkers. This little Westchester County town has an action-packed music scene that’s been poppin' off in a big way recently. Below is an excerpt from the concert listing section in the latest issue of this hip town’s fave alt weekly The Staunchwater Free Voice:

Lady Sex Chunnch, Mound Of Guys, plus a Jaraguayan coyote on morphine with an empty plastic bottle duct taped to its head will be singing off-key renditions of nursery rhymes to the tune of "Home On The Range"

no amount of money will gain you admittance to this show.

the doors will be guarded by deadly robotic octopods which can only be destroyed by a dump truck load of flaming tarantulas. If you can fill a dump truck with flaming tarantulas, drive that truck to the show, then dump the flaming tarantulas on to the killer octopods, then you get in for free.

no one knows what time this show starts.

all ages welcome.

An all emotional band show at ZIT WRANGLER’S MUTANT COW EMPORIUM AND CANDY CHUTE

Every Time I Touch Your Sandwich, My Heart Is Joy And I’m Not Afraid To Sit In Custard, Tears Of Diet Force

admission: 1 gem studded chalice filled with drool

pets only, no “conventional” humans allowed

show begins once Jomtorr’s bell tolls for the birth of eternal gluttony

MARISA’S BAKERY

Awesome Women’s Health, Dandy Poo, Thong Daddy Crow

some random kid will pay you to go to this event

you will transcend all forms of Earthly concern before this show even happens