The dearest pie in football is not so much a first course or a second course but an assault course.

‘Feel the weight of that,’ veteran caterer Brian Murdoch says, handing over a Kidderminster Harriers pie to Sportsmail’s official taster.

‘That’ll take you three days to eat,’ one of the club coaches shouts as players heading for morning training break out into a chorus of that old standard, ‘Who ate all the pies?’

Pie boys: Alan Fraser (right) with caterer Brian Murdoch

Upper crust

1. Kidderminster - £4

2. Chelsea - £3.50

3. Arsenal - £3.30

By way of a reflex action, I zip up my
jacket to hide a stomach that has consumed more football pies than some
people have had hot dinners. From ‘Boro down to Brighton, I must have
tried them all.

Never, though, had one cost me four
quid. (To be honest, neither did this one thanks to the hospitality of
the man who has been providing the Harriers with their grub since 1962).
‘I’m celebrating my 50th anniversary _ maybe the club will get me a
golden pie,’ Brian says.

When Brian took over he found a
solitary tiny kiosk in one corner of the ground with a tree growing out
of a rusted boiler. Now there are four stalls and 16 staff selling pies,
curry, chilli, chow mein and such like, satisfying the preferences of
both the carnivore and the vegetarian. At 73 years old, he is putting
the final stages on an innovative plan to serve fans in their seats.

‘We are looking at a system of the
spectator ordering as he arrives and receiving a numbered ticket
corresponding to his or her seat. We would come round at half time
distributing the food.’

Kidderminster used to be known for what is still
called their ‘famous Aggborough soup’, a meat and veg concoction which
is thin enough to be drunk and thick enough to require the assistance of
a machete. But the cottage pie, filled with meat, carrots and potatoes,
is now the big attraction, having achieved a certain notoriety for its
price.

Dinner is served: The pie in all its glory

‘I am not embarrassed about charging
£4,’ Brian declares. ‘I have not raised the price for three years. For
me, it is all about quality and I will not compromise on that. I have
opened up too many football pies to find just hot air and gravy.

'I use
fresh ingredients which I prepare freshly by hand. And the pies are big.
We often get a couple asking for a pie and two spoons.’ Steve Burr, the
club manager, walks by.

‘My players eat them before the game, at half
time and after the match,’ Burr states. The smile, a legacy of a great
FA Cup win at Grimsby, tells another story.

‘Barcelona have Messi, Real Madrid have Ronaldo and Kidderminster have our pies,’ he adds.

Equals: Barcelona have Messi but Kidderminster have their pies

Brian still remembers the day in 1994
when West Ham came to town in an FA Cup 5th round tie. The first round
visit of Oldham on Saturday week will be another busy day, albeit not on
the scale of the club’s biggest occasion.

The pie is apparently not to
everyone’s taste, however. In what might be regarded as unfortunate
testimony from his own family, his son and 15-year-old grandson Harry,
both give it a wide berth. They are vegetarians. And Brian himself does
so much tasting in the making that he prefers the cheese and onion
variety when off duty.

And the Sportsmail verdict? Tasty,
warming, full of meat and likely to put hair on the head of Bruce
Willis. But it will never beat the Scottish meat pie which spurts gravy
over shirt and tie when bitten into. Now, that’s what you call haute
cuisine.