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Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Parenting Fail: Never Giving Consequences

I shouldn't have done it. I seriously know better. I honestly can't believe I actually did. I really have no idea what the hecky-darn I was thinking. . .and yet I did it: I read the comments on the parenting article I mentioned in yesterday's post.

Sigh.

I don't even know why I did, either. Most of the time, comments on ANY article read like a who's-who of crazy. But on a 'parenting' themed article? Look-out!

Though there were a (very) few sensible responses mixed in who applauded the creative way the parent mentioned in the article handled grounding, the vast majority of the commenters were loopy. Utterly loopy.

Take the person who claimed that he was made to do some chores when he was little and now he can't contribute to household or yard work because he associates taking out the garbage with being in trouble. Um, yeah.

Then there's the not-yet-a-parent who chimed in with 'let kids be kids' and not worry what they get up to, even if it's inappropriate, dangerous or rude.

But the very, very worst of the lot were a group of folks who seemed to think that we should be best friends with our kids (see what I think about that particular issue HERE!) and not give them any consequences of any kind. Ever.

Seriously?

These are the kind of parents I see wringing their hands and scratching their heads when their habitually un-consequenced children morph into undisciplined, unmotivated and non-compliant teenagers. And when those teenagers end up as non-functional adults who can't seem to connect action with consequence or effort with reward, well, the wringing stops and the blame begins: it's the school system, or peer pressure, or culture that's to blame.

It drives me crazy.

Parents are supposed to be PARENTS. And part of that role is to lovingly correct inappropriate behavior and redirect our children toward the kind of character traits that will help them to function well once they enter the big wide world.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of abuse in any form, but age and child-appropriate consequences are a must if you expect your child to ever hold down a job, maintain relationships, and not end up back on your couch when they're forty.