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I’m going to whisper some sweet nothings in your ear before I go to sleep.

First, a few one liners that were sent to me:

Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called “Ministers Do More Than Lay People.

Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

The difference between the Pope and me? The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

Then, a few random thoughts:

A penny saved is a government oversight.

When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

He who hesitates is probably right.

If you can smile when things go wrong, then you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

And from my sister, Bethany:

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt.” His wife, unamused, said nothing.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his dresser drawer. “What the Hell is this,” he said to himself as a little “dust” cloud appeared when he shook them out.

“Honey,” he hollered into the bathroom, “Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”