Month: January, 2017

FirstAid is the ultimate review book for USMLE Step 1 (USMLE = United States Medical Licensing Examination). I’ve defaced my copy to read “USMILE.” I may not always feel like smiling when I see this book, but this helps with my attitude.

It’s been about three weeks since I’ve written here. During that short time, I feel like I’ve been teetering on the edge of a black hole. I know my fellow classmates are feeling it. Doctors and residents have confirmed it too. Studying for the USMLE Step 1, the first of my board exams, is a soul-crushing process.

There is an inhuman (and therefore impossible) amount of material to memorize. Much of what is to be memorized has little relevance to patient care. And the questions are anything but straightforward. Half the time, the question stem gives you the diagnosis, sometimes the treatment too. That’s not the mystery. The mystery is which interleukin / exotoxin / antibody / enzyme (or other obscure item) is implicated in the disease process at hand.

I’ve been doing this all day, six days a week, for four weeks now. Every day is a struggle. It’s a struggle to maintain focus and motivation, but also to maintain a sense of purpose — why I’m doing this in the first place. Sure, I need to pass this test. But that’s not the end game. The goal here is becoming a physician, and this exam is simply one in a long series of hurdles to get there.

I’ve written positive statements on the dry erase board next to my desk. They’re good reminders when I feel discouraged.

I do what I can to keep myself healthy in mind, body, and spirit. I eat well and exercise regularly. I spend time (on the phone and in person) with people I love. When I’m tired, I take a nap. I take every Sunday off.

In less than two weeks, studying for Step 1 will be a part of my past. I look forward to that day. In the meantime, I know there are things to learn from this excruciating process. Not just about medicine, but about life in general. And those life lessons will last far beyond the memory of anything I’ve memorized for this test.

It’s always hard to get back into the swing of things after vacation. As I got up this morning, inwardly I groaned, thinking about the weeks of intense studying that lie ahead. (I’ve been studying for only five days so far, and already I’m exhausted … only five weeks to go.) But looking back on some of the wonderful memories made over the two weeks I was in Chicago raised my spirits:

Spending much-needed time with my parents, sisters, and future brother-in-law. We talked, laughed, ate, drank, played cards, watched movies. I only wish we could do it more often. But since we can’t, our time together is all the more precious.

Visiting with some (but not all) of my lovely Chicago-area friends — what a treat!

Going to the Garfield Park Conservatory to get a chlorophyll hit as winter raged outside.

Watching a Blackhwaks game at the United Center. The Blackhawks lost, but did score so we got to do the goal dance thing. If you’ve been to a Hawks game, you know what I’m talking about.

Reading a whole novel — I hadn’t read for fun in months and months.

Seeing Rogue One in 3-D IMAX (I hadn’t been in a theater in ages) and then following that up with three more Star Wars movies over the next two weeks in my dad’s man cave.

These next five weeks, post-vacation, will be intense as I study for my board exam. But this two-week break was exactly what I needed to recharge after such an intense semester. This time off put me in a better frame of mind to start my study period.