Thursday, November 11, 2010

As assassin Lorna hunts for her father's murderer, she struggles to master her newfound shadow power. But enacting her revenge would destroy any chance Lorna has of living a happy life when she falls for a target, leaving Lorna torn between murder and love.

REVISED LOGLINE:

As a paranorm with the ability to create and hide in shadows, assassin Lorna grows closer to avenging her father's death but is torn between duty and love when she falls for her latest target.

8 comments:

I've been staring at this comment window for a few minutes now. The revision sounds good and I'd totally read this story, but there's still something missing, and I think I agree with Anonymous: I don't really know what the stakes are. They're deeply personal to Lorna, but I don't yet know why I should care. Make me care. :)

I'm still wondering though, what the connection is between avenging her father's death and falling for her newest target. Was the target involved in killing her father? I think you have to show what the link is between the two for us to better understand her dilemma.

As a paranorm with the ability to create and hide in shadows, Lorna struggles to find her father’s murderer but is torn between duty and love when she falls for her latest target. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency wants to use Lorna and her powers to kill an innocent person – if Lorna accepts, they’ll tell her who murdered her father, but then Lorna’s chance at love will pass her by.

Rachael Harrie

I write YA Horror, Dark Fantasy, and Psychological Thrillers, and spend my day imagining evil plot twists and psychotic characters. When I'm not thinking up ways to make you squirm, you'll find me blogging up a storm (with the occasional Twitter and Facebook foray as well), planning for my next Campaign, wondering whether to make Write Hope a permanent fundraiser for charity, counting down the days to the next WriteOnCon, and diving into another round of critiques with my CPs.

I blog on every second Monday. And other times as the whim takes me :)

My WIP - DARK

Sixteen-year-old Sydney Price is blinded by the radical group Dark, who demand that she betray her scientist brother if she wants to save his life.

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