Yes, you know my reputation. I always try to point out the
very best way for you to spend your
entertainment dollars. Let me introduce you to Eegah. That's him up above,
portrayed by the brilliant actor Richard Kiel. Richard Kiel, you know him, he
went on to play a lot of 'tall' parts. At the pinnacle of his career, he
played the tall bad guy 'Jaws' in one
of those James Bond movies. In Eegah!, he portrays one sweet natured heart
throb of a prehistoric caveman who can't help falling in love.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. The plot? Well, you see, there's this
caveman and he lives on top of Black Mountain. The professor is relatively
convinced that this is probably the last cave man alive, but screw the
professor, he just gets in the way of the action.

Much more important is
the perky teenage girl known as Roxy, played by the semi-beautiful Marylyn Manning,
who
is at least forty in her starring turn as a sixteen year old air-head.. (According to
my research, Marilyn may be the only actress to ever appear in a motion
picture who does not have a fan site somewhere on the web. Sorry, but
here's a picture
of her running in terror.)

The contrast is made all the more startling by her co-star,
Arch Hall Jr.,
who looks all of fourteen. Arch was not what you would call a rock&roll sensation in 1962,
nor in
any other year. His music is truly horrifying, much more so than Eegah! the
Caveman. This was Hall's third portrayal of a swinging rock&riller in as
many years. How could this have
happened?

Perhaps it's because all three pictures
were directed by Arch Hall Sr., who thought Junior was going to be the next
Frankie Avalon. Are you frightened yet? (I haven't been able to verify it,
but I have a very creepy feeling that Marilyn was Arch Hall Senior's wife or
girl friend. How's that for adding a spot of perverse subtext to the flick).

And then there's Eegah! Big dude, that Eegah! Eegah!, who is so named
because, as the professor notes, 'that's what he says the most'. Eegah! chase
dune buggy. Eegah! bonk professor and put him in cave. Eegah! growl and
carry big club. Eegah! kidnap girl. Eegah! get major love jones. And in
one classic scene, Eegah! gets a shave. See how nice he looks once you clean him up?

Poor Eegah!, in spite
of being about eight feet tall and strong enough to toss boulders, all he's
able to do with Marilyn is get her blouse halfway off. And then everybody
escapes and there are some more dune buggy chases. In the end, Eegah! must leave
Black Mountain and track down Marilyn at a suburban pool party where the
rockin combo in service is led by Arch Hall Jr. And at that point, of
course, death becomes it's own reward.