Control

Everyone wants a guaranteed reward before they put themselves at risk. The world does not work that way. Not everyone succeeds. No matter how much you plan or prepare, a good portion of the outcome will remain in the hands of Fortune and happenstance. Generations have railed against this reality to no avail. On the other hand, you can’t succeed if you never try. Fortune tends to smile on those who act, even when the final outcome is not guaranteed. At some point, you must choose to move forward, do what you can, and hope for the best.

—“How to Fight a Hydra” by Josh Kaufman

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that I’m still struggling with control issues.

I’m currently searching for a new place to live. This is a major source of stress for me right now. Most of the stress seems to be related to my control issues.

For instance, there are a lot of things I don’t know but I think I should be able to know/predict them. Does it make more sense in the long run to get a smaller unit in a new high rise, or to get a bigger unit in an older low rise? Which community will improve more over the years? Does it make more sense to get a one bedroom and save money, or get a two bedroom and hope that it pays off in the future?

Then there are the things that I thought I knew to be true, but no seem to be true. Some things I thought we decided were too small are now back on the table. Same thing with some things that are in certain locations (and also some things that are no longer in viable locations).

Then there are the things I don’t know I don’t know. These I won’t encounter until after someone tells me something new that I never knew/considered before.

All in all, things are changing quickly, and it feels like I’m totally ungrounded in this arena right now. Sometimes I’m tempted to step out of the arena because I feel like there’s too many things I don’t know for sure.