Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A woman holds her tongue, knowing silence will speak for her.

Today, I spent twelve and a half hours at work. Twelve and a half. Creating a beautiful mural with Alex Carlson for Blick. With one break. With an aching wrist and a short fuse. I remember a bunch of sad Elvis songs coming on and thinking of Jerry, which did not help my mood.

It was grueling.

But! The mural looks great. It's a new piece to put on my resume. Something that I can be proud of, something that was my design, something that will be passed by thousands of people between now and April when the new one goes up.

Was it worth it? Yes. I needed time to remember to focus on my art and to get something done without any excuse. If it didn't get done, no one else would do it. Well, they'd do it, but they wouldn't do it the way I would, the way I had envisioned it to be. So I'm proud that my design made it up there, without any half-assing on anyone's part and without just throwing in the towel halfway through because I was frustrated and sore and grumpy. I'm proud of myself and of Alex for just pushing through and getting it done. Though it was a low-paying one, it was still an accomplishment, and I know my mum will be proud of me. So it was worth it.

Between that and all of the chaos going on, I NEED to spend a shitload of time in my studio. I need to remember how much the working atmosphere does me good. It's important for me to keep producing finishes, to have work to look back on later so I can improve.

I'm feeling better about things. I'm not letting things get to me anymore. What's done is done and what's in the past is in the past. Time to move forward. I can finally focus on me and no one else so that I can become the person I want to be. I'm hopeful. I'm willing. I'm able. I'm Allison "Bamcat" Bamford.