06.15.09

Sports Agency the Wasserman Media Group, while not quite as delusional as Darren Heitner, are awfully competitive when it comes to astonishing audacity on behalf of their clientele. Here’s an excerpt from a brochure they’re circulating while trying to drum up interest in former golden boy Michael Owen.

“Were it not for an unhappy spell at Real Madrid and two injury-scarred years at Newcastle, he would be spoken about in the same breath as Torres and Ronaldo and valued in the priceless figures that only match-winning goalscorers ever justify.”

Scoffs Who Ate All The Pies‘ Ollie Irish, “WMG produced the glossy brochure to help convince the likes of Everton, Aston Villa, West Ham and Man City – all of whom have expressed an interest in signing Owen – that Owen is actually a thoroughbred in the same class as Senor Torres and Senor C-Ron, and not, as some people suspect, a past-it crock.”