The new school year is the perfect time for teens to take inventory and perhaps even re-invent themselves … in anticipation of starting high school in the fall. – Sandra

“I’m starting high school this fall and I’m so scared! Can you give me any tips?”

Going to high school can mean new beginnings. If there was anything challenging for you about middle school, you have a chance to make some changes.

Have you ever noticed that each year when your classmates come back from their summer vacation some of them may look or act differently? Did you know that you can grow through your summer experiences? Think about how have you grown in the last school year. What things might you want to do differently this coming school year?

Do you want to be a better student? Do you want to try a new sport? Would you like to meet some new people? This is an opportunity to set some new goals you would like to accomplish.

Sometimes, your old friends go along with you to your high school. Sometimes, you need or want to make new friends. Think about what you enjoyed about the friends you had last year and try to look for similar qualities in the people at your new high school. But if you experienced a lot of painful drama with your friends last year, you may want to consider choosing some new friends.

If you find that during the first couple weeks you are feeling uncomfortable, ask for support. Express your feelings to your parents. Speak to a teacher you feel you can trust. Talk to a friend. You don’t have to go through this alone. Changes are not always easy. Sharing with someone about what you are going through begins the process of finding solutions to help you feel better.

Have you noticed that your teen seems to be highly reactive to external stimuli? – Sandra

Highly sensitive adolescents have a tendency to get easily overwhelmed, or obsess over something said by a peer to them. These intelligent, caring, and creatively expressive kids are frequently mislabeled as fearful, fussy, and introverted. For parents that have a teenager who is highly sensitive, there is great value in your teen learn to manage their vulnerabilities and harness their strengths.

Outside of North America, HSP’s have been accepted for who they are and seldom teased. But within our culture, it’s not unusual for them to be given the message they’re “weak” and need to “toughen up.” Given that they feel things intensely, highly sensitive adolescents frequently respond strongly in the face of a challenging or negative situation.

Not all sensitive adolescents are introverted. Many can function very well in team environments, helping other people to see the larger picture, and bridge differences of opinion. In my own experience, when parents can supply understanding to support to their adolescent, it enlarges their toleration for group tasks and activities.

Parents of sensitive adolescents need to find a balance between shielding them, and holding them back from encounters that would enhance their growth. The goal is to help your teenager develop trust in themselves, as well as their abilities to rise to the challenge of whatever situation they find themselves in. They also have to learn how to self-soothe, take time to recharge their batteries, and reach out for support.

Early childhood experiences may have an enduring effect on highly sensitive teen’s self-awareness and experience of life. They’re also generally more prone to anxiety as well as melancholy, and sensitive to criticism. If your adolescent is having trouble flourishing socially or academically, I would be happy to think together with you about how best to support your child.

There is a group of people out there who will accept and appreciate your teen for exactly who you are, and with whom they can fully be themselves. – Sandra

From television viewing, to Internet surfing, to text messaging – teens are spending more time with their phones and computers than with their friends and families. I sit with teenagers every day in my Teen Therapy practice who express how their life feels empty. Apparently, the accumulation of names on a Facebook page do not erase feelings of loneliness.

While technology allows us to stay in touch with many people, time spent commenting through email, text and social networking pages literally translates into less time sitting across from a friend. Is the Internet providing more of an illusion of connection than there actually is?

Teens who are at high risk of becoming addicted to drugs often show a lack of deep connection to the people in their current lives. Self-medication, through substance abuse, is often an attempt by teens to regulate or avoid feelings of loneliness.

The solution to loneliness lies in helping your teen to find their tribe. To create heartfelt relationships, your teen must first learn to know and accept themselves, including all of their quirks, flaws and idiosyncrasies. For only in accepting themselves can they truly make the space to authentically connect with another person.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

In choosing a therapist for your teenager, you want someone with experience in working with complex teenage issues and family dynamics – Sandra

It is important to choose a therapist who not only has an understanding of adolescent phase of life challenges, but can work masterfully with families in conflict, and support the parents in setting limits. Try to find a therapist with whom you, the parent, feel comfortable and well understood, as you will be trusting them to guide you in the care of your child.

Learn how the therapist will handle keeping you updated about your teen’s process and progress. As your child’s advocate, their job is to join with your teen, that they might learn about, and advise you, on your child’s needs. Ideally, they act as a bridge between the two of you.

Although therapists “in training” are required to spend 500 hours working with children and families, not all therapists have experience working directly with the teen population. Because teens have a developmental journey all their own, that differs significantly from a small child or young adult, it is important that the therapist you choose has a thorough understanding of this phase of life, and it’s associated risks and challenges.

It is important to examine your readiness to embrace the changes that may be necessary for you, your teen, and your family to make, for Teen Therapy is a collaborative relationship. Since you, the parent, will need to reinforce the therapist’s work in your home, additional parent coaching work may be indicated to support you in setting and maintaining firm boundaries, as well as helping to heal the relationship between you and your teen.

The term atypical teen refers to an adolescent whose path of development is a little more complex than others. – Sandra

Is your teen paralyzed by anxiety, hypersensitive to criticism, or refusing to go to school? Do they struggle in social settings due to ADHD, a learning disorder or high functioning form of autism?

Parents often notice small indications that their child may have a different style of expression and/or learning than some of their peers when their child enters elementary school. But if their child is also highly intelligent, they may be able to compensate for these differences by excelling in their classes and other areas of interest. And so it goes, until adolescence comes into the picture. Then everything changes …

I often meet families with atypical teens in high school. The increase in academic responsibility, together with the heightened expectations that they blend in socially, can tip these young people over. Parents may find their once cooperative child becoming highly reactive, isolating in their room, not turning in assignments, complaining about their friends, and in extreme cases, self-harming.

Clearly, as a parent, you want what is best for your child. At the same time, it is terrifying and painful to watch your child struggle. It may even kick up unresolved negative feelings about your own high school experience. This is where a consultation with a teen therapist can make all the difference. As a seasoned professional, I help parents uncover the problem underlying their teen’s symptoms. I also guide parents on effective next steps, as well as help them contain their own anxiety as they go through the process of healing their child’s pain.

In a coaching/ mentoring capacity, I can help your adolescent to thrive in all aspects of their life. – Sandra

Some parents are hesitant to take their teen to a therapist to address challenges they may be facing, afraid that they will be labeled a “problem” kid, or emotionally disturbed. Seeking my assistance as a Teen Life Coach & Mentor offers yet another opportunity to remedy these problems.

10+ years as a Teen Therapist has paved the way for my developing creative and positive ways of supporting teenagers. I provide a safe, non-judgmental space for your teen to explore their obstacles, ask their questions and express their feelings.

What Is Teen Life Coaching?
In contrast to therapy, where the therapist is seen as the expert, coaching is a collaborative effort between myself and your teen. My focus is on helping your teen create a vision of the life they would like to create, and supporting them in their journey towards that goal.

Sometimes you may not have the time or energy to be as available to your teen as you would like. It has been said that “It takes a whole village to raise a child.” It can be reassuring for you to know that I am available to assist you in guiding your adolescent towards becoming their best version of themselves.

Is teen therapy a necessity, luxury, or perhaps a stepping stone to well-being and success? – Sandra

It is not uncommon for parents to seek that cutting edge experience that will boost their teen’s self-esteem, motivation and character. From private tutors, to semesters abroad, parents look for ways to provide their child everything they need to succeed.

In the time of Freud, talk therapy was available only to the select few who could afford it. Self-reflection, through the process of talking to a trained professional, resulted in greater self-awareness and self-acceptance. Symptoms that had long plagued clients were eliminated, as clients came to understand the purpose those symptoms served, and integrate their life experiences.

Today, many parents hesitate to take their teen to a therapist to address the issues that may be impacting their teen’s performance, or quality of life, afraid that they will be labeled problem kids or emotionally disturbed. Yet, if your teen is struggling, a specialist in teenagers can help you to discover the cause and address it.

The reason I offer a free initial parent consultation is to assess the challenges your family is dealing with, and offer my best recommendations on how to remedy the situation.

I feel it is essential to model to our future generations how to live together in peace. Towards this end, I devote my days to teaching parents and teens how to respond to each other in conscious and respectful ways. – Sandra

The reason I offer a FREE Initial Parent Consultation is to confirm that I am a good match for your family. If your family is in crisis, I often suggest we meet once a week with the teen, and once a week with the parents–for about 6 weeks. In this manner, I am can do a thorough assessment of the situation and give you my most helpful recommendations.

During this time, you will get an immediate and direct experience of the value I provide. I try to make the experience uplifting as well as educational. My intention is to guide you in ways you can support your teen, with the focus on solutions that will unite the family, rather than assigning blame. There is an inner experience that is driving your teen’s behavior, and my goal is to help uncover and address it, to thus allow the healing of their pain.

In closing, my world travels, together with my work as a teen therapist, have exposed me to people of many backgrounds. What I have learned from my experiences both abroad and locally, is that each individual carries the desire to feel connected and loved … and we are not different in matters of the heart. Thus, the pervading theme of my work has been encouraging the practice of kindness within your family and community.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Gandhi. “I honor the place within you where the entire Universe resides; where, when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.” Namaste.

“Raising a teenager can be extremely rewarding, exciting, and at the same time, very challenging.” – Sandra

During the often‐trying teen years, it is not uncommon for parents to feel they are failing in their child‐rearing responsibilities. But with the right approach, you can build healthier relationships with your teen and guide them on the path to becoming valued contributors to the community.

My parenting classes are private, and individually tailored to meet each family’s needs. I teach about creating healthy attachment styles, as well as have you reflect upon how the way in which you were parented. Together, we create a timeline representing their child’s journey, and look at how their past experiences may have impacted their development, and current behavior.

We typically meet for six sessions, during which I will give you reading assignments to complete before each session. In each session we examine specific challenges the you are facing with your teen, and I will coach on how to better understand and approach these challenges.

Learn how to strengthen your relationship with your teen while increasing cooperation, harmony, and happiness within the family.

Topics include:

Understanding Yourself and Your Teenager

Improving Your Response to Your Teen

How to Communicate Respect and Understanding

Encouraging Cooperation and Problem‐Solving

Using Consequences to Build Responsibility

By the end of this intensive 6‐week course, you will be able to help your teenager become more responsible, communicative and independent.

**Recommended for parents with children between the ages of 11 and 19.

I propose a style of interaction with your teen that honors the authority of the parent while accommodating the teen’s need for personal autonomy. Families facing serious problems will be empowered by proven parenting strategies that can truly make a difference in their lives!

A parent’s interactions with their child literally impact their teen’s brain development, with parenting styles often passed down through generations.

In our society, shaming is considered an accepted parenting tool for controlling kids. Yet, body language, facial expressions, the tone and volume of your voice, threatening violence, withholding affection, rejecting behavior, using demeaning words or physical punishment negatively impact a child’s self-esteem and teaches them how to behave in an aggressive behavior.

When you demonstrate respectful interactions with your teen, they learn to treat themselves and others respectfully. The foundation of any respectful disagreements involves avoiding raising your voice, swearing, name-calling and pointing your finger in the other person’s face.

Conscious parenting involves pausing before reacting to evaluate whether your words or actions will actually help the situation. Your child will learn the lesson you are attempting to teach them if you avoid demeaning them in the process.

Sensitive, creative and independent thinking teens can often be misunderstood, mislabelled and even misdiagnosed. – Sandra

Teens who are extremely sensitive experience day-to-day life even more vividly and deeply. Because of their unique ways of perceiving the world, they may express very “emotionally intense” responses to challenges at home and at school.

I help highly sensitive clients to expand their ‘window of tolerance,’ so they are less easily triggered into states of acute stress, rage, tension, and panic. I also teach teenagers who do not fit in nicely into society’s mold how to find their tribe, and discover the place where their gifts are actually celebrated, and not merely tolerated.

A secure attachment with their parents is also essential for these teens to develop the ability to regulate their emotions and a healthy sense of self …. and it is not too late to deepen your connection with your teen. I offer a 6-week private parenting workshop where I coach parents on how to strengthen their relationship with their adolescent. I will help you understand the challenges LA teens face today, and how to communicate more effectively with your teen.

If your teen or young adult child is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it.

If your teen stressed out or anxious about school or friends, I can help them learn to self-soothe and self-reflect. – Sandra

When a teen is willing to talk about their fears and anxieties, I try to listen carefully and respectfully, without discounting their feelings. I help them understand that increased feelings of judgement and/or embarrassment about their body, performance, and peer relationships are fairly common in adolescence.

Some teens are naturally more shy and quiet than others. As their bodies, voices, and emotions are going through changes, this population may become even more self-conscious. In extreme cases, the adolescent may isolate themselves, unable to overcome their intense feelings of self-doubt and worry.

By encouraging your teen to examine their situations and experiences, I help them reduce the overwhelming nature of their feelings. Although their concerns may be real, there are techniques I can teach them to better manage their stress and anxiety.

Extreme anxiety in teens often benefits from a therapeutic intervention. Talk therapy, role-playing, conscious breathing exercises can help turn this painful situation around. An effective treatment plan is individualized to your teenager and family. While anxiety disorders can cause considerable upset in your teen’s life, the prognosis is very good.

Teen depression seems to be on the increase. What is causing this epidemic in our teenagers? ~ Sandra

During the teenage years, the pressure to conform with their peers can be incredibly strong. Social media, advertising and television are all telling kids how they are supposed to look and feel, and what is important in life.

A teen’s natural expression, talents, achievement and character can look inadequate next to trends being promoted through social media. Kids who feel different or deprived may spiral down into self-judgement, and loathing. Depression has been the result of changes in our society where a teen’s needs for companionship, healthy goals, responsibility, connection to others and life-meaning are not being met.

Parents are often distressed by their teen’s pain, and lack of interest in activities. Yet, pushing for a different outcome without addressing the cause simply creates more pressure, and distance between the parent and their child. According to Dr. Andrew Weil, “The idea that one must be, and look, endlessly cheerful is a destructive and daunting expectation for teens. In actuality, it is perfectly normal to experience “the blues.” He went on to suggest that kids need to learn that happiness is not some end point to be achieved, but rather something that occurs in moments … and that more a more effective goal is to seek a sense of peace and contentment through life’s ups and downs, learn how to see and accept life as is, and find ways to respond appropriately to each situation.

It is important for parents to make a distinction between Situational Depression; a normal reaction to stressful situations or losses, and Clinical Depression; believed to be caused by brain chemistry and not related to external situations. Regardless of the cause, it can be beneficial for teens to work through these periods with help from a trained professional. Emotional well-being means learning how to find resilience, contentment, comfort, and serenity among the various expressions of one’s moods. This is a journey that occurs as one matures. If your teen is in crisis, I would be happy to asses the situation and help remedy it.

It can be challenging to keep your teen on course with all they need to learn in order to become an independent young adult. – Sandra

Unfortunately, angry and irritated responses on your part do nothing to motivate your teen, and only serve to damage your connection with each other. You are both better served by trying to understand why your teen is giving up so easily, such that you might help remedy the problem.

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It is important for your teen to discover how to harness their strengths, to help him/her move towards their dreams. Teens often do not understand the reasoning behind the general education classes, assignments and tests they are required to complete. For teens with learning challenges, it can be like trudging through molasses to turn in assignments. Your teen desperately needs you to understand why he/she is struggling, accept that they are doing the best they are able to do in this moment, and guide them in how they can do better.

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A goal in my working with teens with ADD is to assist your teen in moving beyond their frustrated or defiant stance about school. A tough love approach usually does not work because frustration, not love, is speaking. Teens do best when they feel supported and connected. also, please know that ADD is not a quick fix. Patterns of reaction may be in place between the two of you, as well as with your teen and their schoolwork, that will need to be turned around.

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Parents need to be able to enter into open discussions with their teen where they can discover what their child is feeling, as well as help their child explore their feelings of frustration and upset. Perhaps it’s time for you and your teen to have a chat with the academic counselor at their school about their homework challenges, that the counselor might help you explore options for making up any missed work. Your teen may need to go early to school, stay late, or miss lunch break to complete those assignments.

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It is also not your fault that your teen is struggling. You do not have to feel you must act angry in order to express the seriousness of your concern. Anger can feel like a retaliation for not pleasing you, and confuses the issue altogether. His/her not doing their homework is not a personal defiance of you. It is a cry for help.

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Your teen’s hope and enthusiasm, as well as his/her sense of capability need to be intact as they leave school to finally enter the world. Battles over homework will not accomplish that. There is a better way…..

The National Association of Gifted Children came out with a list linking characteristic strengths of gifted children with possible problems that might develop.

Because of the difference between their conceptual abilities and their actual development, highly intelligent teens are able to envision outcomes that they are, as yet, unable to perform. Therefore, they frequently end up feeling frustrated and discouraged when learning new things.

By projecting “perfectionism” onto everything they do, these unrealistic self-expectations can result in feelings of inadequacy. Able to anticipate the challenges in new experiences, they can become hesitant to try new things for fear of failing.

Gifted teens can also be hypersensitive to noise, light and the emotions of others, sometimes causing overreaction and difficulty in social settings. These teens often find it easier to be in the company of people older than them.

HELPFUL HINTS:

Common interest groups can be helpful for meeting other teens with similar experiences.

Parents can help their children to understand and digest their life experiences.

**Note: If your teen is struggling socially or emotionally, I can help you to discover the cause and remedy it. I invite you take that critical next step, and allow me to demonstrate the support I can offer to you and your family.

Does your teen have the social skills that will lead them to success? – Sandra

Have you noticed that there is a growing trend of teens struggling with social skills and good exacerbated by the explosion of technology and the over-reliance on electronic devices to socially connect? More than ever before, there is an increasing need for social skill-building experiences for these young people.

I work with socially anxious adolescents to identify areas where they can improve their social skills, and then teach them tips and tricks to improve those skills. I can help your teen learn how to gain and keep more friends, as well as become more confident in social situations.

The value of your teen working with me privately, rather than in a group setting, is that I can give them direct feedback specific to their situations, as well as create exercises, role-playing and homework to will help them achieve their personal goals. The teens that have worked with me report greater peace and satisfaction in their social lives.

TOPICS COVERED INCLUDE:

First Impressions

Reaching Out to Others

Managing Peer Conflict

The Art of Conversation

Becoming More Assertive

Communicating Your Needs

Establishing Firm Boundaries

Helpful Responses to Bullying

I usually work with teens for 6 to 10 consecutive weeks, depending on the desired result. Some teens prefer to meet twice weekly to obtain a more rapid outcome. My style of working with a teen is collaborative and fun. Although I respect that the challenges they may be experiencing are serious, I have found that a joyful atmosphere makes the learning feel more uplifting and comfortable.

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… One Success Story

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

“My teen son was always happy to go see Sandra, and relieved and stress-free when he came back from a session. The best example of her work is in my son’s improved behavior and attitude towards life.” – Parent

“Sandra helped me put a lot of the events in my life into perspective. She listened to me respectfully and never made judgments. I had a great experience with Sandra as my therapist.” – Teen Client

“My teen daughter has calmed down, and no longer carries the same anxiety that she once did. She now likes and accepts herself for who she is.” – Parent

“Sandra’s work with my teen son has made him a more secure, confident and happy individual. She provided a safe and comfortable place for him to express his feelings and explore his emotions.” – Parent

“After thinking together with Sandra, I discovered solutions to my problems. I always felt comfortable sharing my feelings and thoughts, knowing that she would listen and respond with compassion and support.” – Teen Client

“My teen daughter now sees uncomfortable experiences as an opportunity to grow and learn more about herself. Sandra was a very positive influence in her life.” – Parent

Once it has been determined that your teen would benefit from an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), your child becomes eligible for special accommodations at school. Some of these include, but are not limited to:

Being moved to the front of the classroom.

Receiving extra time on tests and quizzes.

Written instructions from the teacher regarding homework assignments.

Extra time with the teachers.

Clarifying the problem is the first step towards getting your teen the support they need. It is important that school personnel understand that your teen’s challenges are not originating from a behavioral problem. (although frustration stemming from unaddressed learning challenges can result in “acting out” behaviors)

While learning disorders do present a challenge to your teen’s academic success, they do not need to derail their educational process. With emotional and educational support, teens with learning disorders can have a positive and successful high school experience.

There isn’t a teenaged girl in America who couldn’t benefit from a visit to a teen therapist’s office to help her negotiate the trauma and drama of the teen years. My Teen Girl Survival Guide is akin to stepping into my office and settling in for an open, frank discussion about topics that trouble today’s teen girls. At the end of the book, I provide further questions for self-reflection.

For those who are ready to take the next step toward becoming independent, respectful, self-aware adults, working with me will help ease the transition from childhood to adolescence, and put your daughter well on her way to becoming a self-aware young woman.

Children learn early on that in order to please others, they sometimes have to give up being who they are. I help teenagers re-discover their true self-expression. – Sandra

Since it is their natural inclination to want to feel connected, children may put aside their feelings to “belong.” As children try and mold themselves to fit an image that their parents, teacher or friends want them to be, they may suppress their needs to the point where they are no longer in touch with what they really feel.

Adolescence, with all the changes that accompany it, can be an intense time where teens are overwhelmed by new feelings. If teens believe that they are responsible for making other’s happy, or that others are responsible for making them happy, they become a victim of others’ choices.

While it is not uncommon for parents to have expectations that they wish their teen to fulfill, it is essential that parents also provide their children with the space to truly be seen and heard. Ultimately, the lessons you want and need to teach them are:

Love and appreciate yourself.

Stand strong in what is true for you.

Trust and believe in yourself.

Don’t waste time looking for other’s approval.

Parents typically teach what they know. If you came from a household where your parents were absent or pre-occupied with their own challenges, you may have be left to grow-up on your own. Depending upon the age difference between you and your child, you may also not yet have had the opportunity to master all of the life skills you want to teach.

In closing, it has been said that it “It takes a whole village to raise a child.” In reality, there is great value in reaching out for support during the process of laying a solid foundation for your child’s future. You are not required to do it alone. Through enlisting the help of professional resources, family, and friends, you can provide your child with the experiences necessary for them to become strong, successful and emotionally healthy young adults.

… EMPOWERING TEENS TO BE THEIR BEST SELVES.

“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”