Of all the great Jewish American comedies that Ben Stiller and the Farrelly brothers might have chosen to remake, there is perhaps none quite so inappropriate or untouchable as The Heartbreak Kid. Directed by the too often awol Elaine May in 1972, The Heartbreak Kid sends a young Charles Grodin on honeymoon with his irritating bride Jeannie Berlin, only to abandon her and chase after Cybill Shepherd's golden shiksa, whom he pursues like he's the Jackal and she's De Gaulle. The accumulated pain is horrifying - you laugh through the hands clasped over your face.

On the other hand, perhaps it's the perfect comedy for the Farrellys to remake, because at least they do the decent thing and pretend their version has nothing to do with the original beyond the bare bones theft of the principal narrative arc. And although the remake does such vandalism to the original, it's still a very fine Farrelly brothers movie.

Ah, but ... This doesn't quite acquit them of the crime of taking a superior movie and ransacking it for their own purposes, something that happens all too often, and usually with a far skimpier return on comic investment than was the case here. It prompts me to suggest that the old biblical parable on hypocrisy has some relevance here, the one about "the mote in thine eye, the beam in mine own."

For film-makers casting around for a new project to make, or rather remake, there should be one rule: you don't get to remake anyone else's movies until you've remade every last dog in your own oeuvre. You think you can do a better job on someone else's old movie? Not so fast. Look to thine own back-catalogue, sinner!

I don't mean the Farrellys should remake There's Something About Mary. But before tackling Fever Pitch and The Heartbreak Kid and setting out on The Three Stooges (which looks set to be the brothers' next outing), they should be made to go back and redo the duffer called Shallow Hal - and make it funny this time.

Same with Ben Stiller and some of his pals in the fast-fading comedy Frat Pack. Stiller could have compensated in advance for Starsky And Hutch and Heartbreak by taking another pass at the forgettable Along Came Polly or Keeping The Faith. Owen Wilson - he of The Haunting, I Spy, Around The World In 80 Days, The Big Bounce and Starsky And Hutch, all remakes, all in rapid succession - might find some therapeutic value after his recent travails by remaking that crappy flagwaver Behind Enemy Lines. Or You, Me and Dupree.

And it's not just the Frat Pack. Figures as varied as Gus Van Sant (Psycho) and Billy Bob Thornton (Bad New Bears, School For Scoundrels, The Alamo) could do with hearing the news. Van Sant could remake Finding Forrester (except it's a Good Will Hunting remake already) and Thornton might want to set things right with a make over for Waking Up In Reno or Bandits.