I once quit a well-paid job in healthcare marketing to cycle 4,000 miles round the coast of Great Britain.

The decision to leave was simple. My boss was a bully and the company turned a blind eye to workplace bullying.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed the role and the work load, I couldn’t condone working for a firm that didn’t value my mental health.

Life is too short to spend so many hours in a day doing a job that doesn’t add a sparkle to your eye.

I had my heart in my mouth as I handed over my resignation. The nerves of an uncertain future had begun to set in. But instead of feeling dread – I had never felt more alive.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt that heart-in-mouth feeling.

I’ve been made redundant twice in my relatively short work life, and rather than feel angry and resentful, both times I was left feeling hugely optimistic and ambitious to find the next opportunity.

Bear with me.

When redundancy struck I was fresh out of university, finding which way to go with my career. Every job was a learning curve, giving me valuable work experience and an opportunity to find out what I did – and importantly – did not like in a company and job.

It felt great to be pushed out of my comfort zone, challenging and exciting.

I’ve always been ambitious and like to grab opportunities and bleed them for all they’re worth. I don’t like standing still, I like to challenge myself and do the best I can do in *ALL* that I do.

My career is a reflection of that.

Every time I’ve moved jobs, I’ve enjoyed and thrived in each new role. I’ve grown better at picking the right companies to work for, with roles that I could really get my teeth stuck into.

My career has been about working hard, enjoying the ride and pushing myself.

Wheeling back from that cycling trip 4,000 miles round the coast of Great Britain, I trained as a bike mechanic to give me some standing in the next chapter of my career as online editor for Total Women’s Cycling.

I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved in such a short work life and I’m sad that it has come to an abrupt end.

***

First off, know that I CHOSE to be a stay at home mum (SAHM) and at times I thoroughly enjoy it.

Apart from two mornings a week where my eldest is at nursery, I look after both children and run the household full time.

Anyone who is, has been or lived with a SAHM will understand, it’s hard. It’s definitely the hardest job *I’ve* ever had.

I’ve thrown myself head first into the role of SAHM – like all my previous jobs – all while ignoring some niggling feelings of wanting more for myself. Is that selfish?

For the past 2.5 years I’ve been busying myself with life as a SAHM, I can safely say that ALL of my day is filled with looking after my kids, the house, the dog, the finances and the husband. I’ve slipped into the 1950s without realising it.

It’s been so easy to do and no one, but myself, has forced my hand.

My kids didn’t tell me to stay at home, they weren’t physically here when we made the decision. My husband has been fully supportive throughout our entire relationship and makes it his lifes mission to help me acheive anything I want to.

But, choosing to accept the role of SAHM has come with consequences for me and my family.

Too much time with our kids

I’m with them ALL the time, I know EVERYTHING about them and with few external inputs to share my attention, my focus is purely on them.

So much time with them leads me to analyse everything, which means I FIND things to do and worry about. This is neither healthy for my kids or me.

If I work I will undoubtedly still worry about them, that won’t go away, but I feel I’ll be able to put things into perspective.

My marriage is suffering

I’ve some how let myself slip into the role of a 1950s housewife and it’s makes me – at times – resentful of my husband.

Before the kids came along both my husband and I worked. Admittedly he has always earned the big bucks in comparison, but we’ve always been supportive of our respective careers. He also made it clear that I didn’t have to be a SAHM if I didn’t want to be.

I CHOSE IT.

Perhaps I didn’t think it through enough, perhaps I thought I had to prove something to myself that I could relish the role of SAHM.

Then there’s the fact that my Mum was a SAHM and I guess it’s what tradition in our family dictated.

I’m at a point now where although I love being a mother, I yearn for more.

In the two and a half short years that I’ve been home our marriage has become rather traditional. Through no fault of my husband, I’ve slipped into being what I think the best mum, the best wife, the best homemaker.

To clarify, my husband doesn’t expect me to do all the cleaning, cooking or weekly shops, I’ve taken that upon myself. I’m at home surrounded by it all day, so why shouldn’t I do it! It’s as if I’ve gone on automatic pilot and stumbled into the life my parents had.

It may have worked for them, but it doesn’t for me and it’s left me feeling angry.

This anger and resentment, brought on myself has impacted our relationship. I’ve turned into the nagging, emotional wife and it’s awful. Awful for me and downright horrific for my husband.

It’s hard to look in the mirror and not like what’s staring back.

My confidence and ambition has dwindled

I’m proud of what I’ve achieved with my kids to date, they’re turning into confident, happy little sprogs. I’ve not regretted the decision to become a mum, I just feel I have underestimated my capabilities in making the move to become a SAHM.

The constant focus on my kids and family leave me lulled into a sense that I’m accomplishing enough, because essentially I am.

It fills every hour of every day. I cook, craft, play, read and laugh with my kids, all the things that parents the world over do with their kids.

But what about my personal ambitions? The dream to set up my own company?

If it takes ALL my day to look after two kids, how can I juggle a start-up business as well?

And then what happens when my children get older? When my kids no longer need me? Will I regret not keeping a toe in the water, will I then resent my decisions?

When I was juggling jobs with multiple hobbies, side projects and a busy social life I never stopped to think I wasn’t capable of things. I feel I’ve lowered what I’m capable of and let the role of SAHM seep into every crevice of my being.

I’ve almost built walls around my capabilities. Yes it is hard juggling work with kids. It’s hard, but not impossible. It requires some creative thinking.

I’ve bullied myself into thinking that I should be happy with my lot, be happy that we’re able to afford the luxury of being a SAHM. But surely I should be confident enough to admit that I want more.

***

I’m slowly starting to see that the SAHM part of me being a Mum has been a step in my career. A break from the ‘traditional’ career trajectory, but it’s given me clarity.

The emotional rollercoaster of becoming a parent has made me realise what’s important in my life.

I may have made the decision to become a SAHM and it was right at that point in my life, it’s just now I feel I’ve outgrown my house – not my kids – and want to spread my wings.

I’m eternally grateful for the time I’ve had with my kids, but I want to have that twinkle back in my eye, a passion outside my children to share with them.

At times it is going to be hard, the balancing act will take imagination to be a success but I feel parenting my children and my career should not be mutually exclusive.

My future roles will be different from what has gone before in my career, but that doesn’t mean I will be unhappier for it. I won’t be able to put in as many physical hours, but I want to find the time and space for it.

Only now – if after realising all of the above – do I decide not to take action would I suffer regret. I don’t want any regrets, life is too short.

I need to re-energise myself, adjust my daily priorities and find a way to make things work.

Thanks. I do believe I am doing a great job with the kids, but not a good job in looking after myself. And ultimately that will impact on the kids. A healthy, happy Mum/Dad helps raise healthy, happy, well-balanced children.

I can totally relate to what you are saying. But look at what we are doing with our blogs. That’s ambition. Personally I don’t wish the days away but I plan what I will do when he/they start school and leave Home etc. So I have a carpentry course in Mind once he starts school. I am elsnring hubs trade in accounts so I can do some work from Home as he is already self employed and I am now too. And as for when they are all grown up, we plan to sell up and go travelling. Just having ambitions in life show that you haven’t lost it. It’s just a very different reality to adjust to.

I’m a SAHWM, working on my blog as much as I can around my son. It’s given me new purpose and a new passion, which I love, and I have big plans for it. It’s lovely to be working on something that is just for me and like you say, it can give you a new perspective. Focusing all your energy on just one thing, like the home, can be tough. Good luck with whatever you decide to do #BloggerClubUK

I can relate to much of this. I was forced to become a SAHM due to the cost of childcare vs my salary. However I have felt my ambition hugely dwindle. I have not worked for nearly 3 years in total and now my youngest is almost 3 herself I can feel the ambition coming back. I can see a time where both my kids won’t be in the house 24/7 and I want something for myself again. I’m not sure what just something. Don’t worry about the 50’s housewife thing. Unless you walk around in a dressing gown all day with your hair set in curlers you’re probably ok 😉
#fortheloveofBLOG

I think you’ve captured really well the frustration that stay-at-home mums sometimes feel – I know when I stayed at home for the first year of my daughter’s life, I was both grateful for the time we had and resentful that my husband got to go out and pursue his own career interests when I was stuck at home. Good luck finding something that gives you the balance that you want and need. #fortheloveofBLOG

I’m sure you will find what works for you. I have been a stay-at-home mum, part time and full time and it’s all a juggle if I’m honest. I have never found the right balance but juggling has become the norm. Mine are now 17 and 15 and I’m full time again. It’s never easy. I think what I’m trying to say is, if you feel brain dead being at home all the time, get a part time job to see if that’s right for you, life with babies and toddlers is very different from life when they are both at school. Life changes as children grow and doing what is right for your family is key. Good luck and let me know if you do find balance! #bloggerclubuk

Thank you for sharing such a personal post, I can’t say I completely understand what you’re going through as I’ve worked full time since I was 17 (I’m now 33) and have had two children in the process. Your blog has given me insight as to what I may experience now that I’m officially unemployed / self employed and have a household and children that need my full attention (Massive adjustment!). It is THE hardest job in the world to be a mum, being a stay at home mum is immeasurable. You’re doing a great job and if you need to reignite that fire, you do you! It sounds like you’ve got a great support structure and you’ve built a great foundation to start working again, no matter what you do. Thank you for sharing xx

Staying at home with the kids is hard work and yes, it is easy to lose yourself in doing that. You have a great blog here, which is something to be proud of, and who knows what opportunities it may bring you.
#fortheloveofBLOG

You obviously have more ambition that you realise as here you are writing a blog. Im returning to work soon as I know that SAHM is very difficult. Try and enjoy the good times and make some memorable moments. #sharingthebloglove

It’s so tough – when I was a SAHM I really lost my confidence, now I’m a WAHM and that has a different set of problems although I am definitely more fulfilled. I have no idea what the solution is because everyone has to do what is right for them and their family unit and their selves, It’s such a tough one but as with everything you have to trust your gut. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub with this honest post x

I completely get this. It’s hard to do the mum job properly without thinking about anything else. And then the minute you do something else everything else suffers. Yourself, er did I shower today? The house, hmm needs cleaning again. It’s very hard but it might be worth it to give you a bit of purpose outside the kids. I’ve found it very useful since starting Mammaprada.com to have something to think about apart from my children and my daughter’s health issues. It may even have slightly saved me! xxxx #coolmumclub

Great post! I love your honesty and I hope writing it all out like this has been cathartic for you. I have always worked part time since the children came along. I now work 22 hours a week but as a teacher in reality it always works out more with meetings, planning etc Being a full-time stay at home mum didn’t work for me financially or emotionally. You have to do what feels right for you at the end of the day. I have had periods where I have worked full time e.g. covering for sick colleagues but I know that isn’t for me either, even though the extra money is much needed. I hope you find a balance that works for you and your family. It is a constant balancing act! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

Good on you for being so honest about how you are feeling. I can relate tonwlot sif what you say which is why I work 3 days a week in my teaching role. Hats off to all the SAHMs – sometimes my easier days are the ones in my clasroom with teenagers! Xx #ablogginggoodtime

It’s been hard admitting I’m not happy with everything in my life, but I do feel better for it. It’s given me some much needed clarity. I’m also happy that my husband has been supportive, just wish I could snap my fingers and the change happens in an instance. x

Great post lovely – I have had periods of being a SAHM and although I did enjoy it, I also found it really hard! At times I felt bored, lonely and hard work!!! I lost my confidence and I don’t think it has ever fully returned. My Mum was also a SAHM and I always remember how happy I felt coming home to her after school – and I know my children feel the same. #sharingthebloglove

Good luck with your search for a new job! Im sure you’ll be able to find a way to make it all work for you and your family. I’ve been a SAHM for 4years now and would love to start a career soon but unfortunately we just won’t be able to afford childcare until my youngest is 3 xx #triumphanttales

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I’ve been so inspired and motivated by everyone. It’s not going to be easy and I’m still going to be looking after my children and having 1 maybe 2 more. So I just need to ask for help from those around me and make it work if I want to start up my own business. I’m not wanting to be the next big thing, but just a small business to call my own and hopefully make a difference to a few people’s lives. x

I totally get this. I chose to be a SAHM too and in the end hated it. The trouble with me is, I don’t want anyone else to look after them either! So I work from home and go out to work one day a week, whilst my other half looks after the kids. It’s brought a nice balance to our house! I hope you find your way soon. Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

This makes me positive that balance is possible. I guess where I’m lucky is that I know what I want. To be able to look after my kids and to start a business. Yes these are big goals, but I’m optimistic I can achieve them. Right, now to find the time to work out how it’s all possible! x

It’s like we’re living the same life. The last 2.5 years Ive been a STAHM, my decision. And now I’ve gotten so comf with this job that a “real” job seems like a far away dream. And there’s always a pressure to go back to it, from society from family and from myself. It’s a struggle, but I don’t think that the time we are spending at home is by any means a waste. Even though it feels like we aren’t doing enough sometimes. #fabfridaypost

It’s so hard isn’t it. I feel proud of what my husband and I have achieved with our children and I don’t think we’d have had the same experience if I’d have worked in a traditional sense. It’s almost as if we’ve given ourselves a good base to work from, solid foundations with the kids and that perhaps now is just a good time to think about going back to work.

Hi Kristy * waves. Oh no, no wonder this was a difficult post for you to get down. It takes guts to pour out your heart and I salute you for this. Sometimes we do make choices that in the end don’t work for us. But you know what, seeing it’s not working and doing something about it is far more important. You’re on the right track taking action where you need to. Hope it all works out in the end. Keep us posted. #DreamTeam xx

Thanks Annette, funnily enough now I’ve admitted I want to go back to work, I’ve for some reason had even less time to myself and even my blogging has suffered. Time is so precious and I feel that there’s just not enough of it. Perhaps this is because I’m rather exhausted and need a break so I can see the wood for the trees! xx

Your work history situation seems very similar to mine, I’m being made redundant at the end of February and with Twins on the way there is no way I could return to work as it would cost stupid amounts in childcare.
I had always wanted blogging to be my end game for a career so maybe try that? you get to work from home so it breaks the housework up for you? Perhaps something to try? you get some cool events you go to aswell!
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week!

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I thoroughly enjoy the blogging, but I struggle to prioritise it, because I feel that I shouldn’t let ALL the other things slide. It’s a mental shift that I’m going to have to make if things are going to change. I seem to have it in my head that all chores must be done, so that my husband and I can sit and relax together on an evening. But there’s no chance of that happening as I’m so resentful that I’ve been ‘busy doing 10 jobs (cook/cleaner/nanny/accountant/dog walker etc etc) with no thanks’.

I know just how you feel, i have now been 7 years, as my eldest has type 1 and asd and i have to be able to drop everything and run. i have very little confidence now and not sure how I will cope going back to work. looking at re training and starting a fresh #Blogstravaganza

Thanks so much for sharing. I feel it takes guts to admit you’re not happy. It sounds like you’re going to take steps to address that. Have you got help? Can you get it? What do you want to re train in?

Thanks for taking the time to comment. It’s sometimes hard when you’re a SAHM to not spiral as there are so few external inputs. You’re your own moderator. I’m so pleased I’ve taken the time to reflect and seek out what I’m not happy with. I feel I am doing a good job of being a SAHM, I’m just not doing a good job of looking after myself.

I was a working mum full and part time with some time spent as a SAHM to 5 children. When the youngest turned 6 and I returned to train as a teacher, picking up where I’d left off when he was born. I then went into a full time career working in Child Protection and Lecturing for 2 years. I stopped working as we moved abroad and I resented it and after 7 years, even though I returned to teaching, I’m still upset by not having a career, I feel it is part of my identity. I was a SAHM for 4 years in South Africa with the youngest 2 boys who were 11 and 15 and I really enjoyed being at home with them, much more so than when they were smaller. By the time the youngest was 13 he was in UK boarding school and the last one left home 4 years ago. I’m now a SAH (stay at home) your typical expat wife, but without the coffee mornings, nail bars and brunches. I can work in Dubai, but choose not to as with all the family in the UK, teaching doesn’t give me the flexibility I need to spend time with my adult kids and mother. I will be returning to study next year in preparation for eventual move back to the UK, but by then I’ll be 50 so who knows if I’ll work again. #triumphanttales

Clearly a transition point for you right now- that is always challenging! You’ve described your conflicted feelings really well- thank you for sharing so honestly. I hope you find work which offers a good balance for you. #thesatsesh

It totally is, and I guess I’ve not allowed myself to admit how much it has impacted me. I’m so used to operating on a high level and just being dependant on myself for my success. Now I’ve got two children that are dependant on me, but that they’re also independent has been a shock. I don’t have full control on the running of the day and that is hard to adjust to. I’m confident from admitting all that I have in the blog I’ll be able to start finding resolutions.

Being a SAHM is a constant balancing act, and I think it’s so easy to lose sight of all the things that you once felt defined you, and before you know it you feel like you’ve become a different person. This is such an honest post, and I’m sure that so many people will relate to it. The resentment towards your partner is really difficult not to feel – I know I do, and my husband actually does a lot more than me of the housework if I’m honest! Best of luck with the reinvigoration – it sounds like you’ve found your motivation! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

Thanks Katy, I do feel that although I’ve acheived so much for my family in the past 2.5 years the confidence I’ve lost is now so ingrained that it has impacted on me and I do need help. I’ve taken the steps to reach out to my old councillor and am optimistic that this is the start of turning things around. I’ve also realised that this doesn’t reflect on my abilities as a Mum and how I mother my children. Thanks for taking the time to comment. x

Thanks for commenting. I am glad I made the decision to be a SAHM, I now know what it’s like, have enjoyed it and it’s hopefully given me the push to go on to do something that I’ve dreamt of for a long time. To set up my own business. I wonder if I’d chosen to go back to work I’d be having the same thoughts, or just kept going.

#thesatsesh…you feel guilty if you work, down work, split… parenthood screws your body and mind. I love your honest approach to your choices and also how you feel. I hope you and something that works for you. Maybe, as they start school and you have the time in the middle of the day you can start your own business – i realise this isn’t as easy as I’ve made it sound but i guess we are blessed to live in a world where we have the choice in the first place. best of luck lovely x

It’s about me trying to find that infamous balance everyone talks about. That AND prioritising my own importance. It’s frustrating how clear I can see things when they’re written down, but in the heat of the moment, when I’m tired, overwhelmed by the tasks at hand I go into auto-pilot and get upset and angry and then spiral that I’ll never be able to go back to work. One step at a time I guess. I’m happy that I’ve been honest with myself and that I’d like to go back to work, now to find the strength to make that happen! x

This was a really thought provoking read. I never had any career ambition but I feel that we have slipped back to the 1950s in our family and I am putting pressure on myself that is unnecessary. I have 3 kids, 3 part time jobs plus my blog plus I do almost all the housework and cooking while Chris works full time. #triumphanttales

Wow, you are a wonder woman! It’s incredible how much we do, specially if you think how much you’d pay for people to do all that you do. Do you find time for yourself? Your hobbies? Things that make you happy? I’ve somehow lost most of the things that made me who I once was, it’s no wonder I’ve turned into someone who is angry and resentful. I’ve been so hell bent on ensuring my kids are happy and doing what I think will make my husband happy that I’ve ignored myself. No one elses fault. I’m very good at putting on a brave face and making myself believe I’m loving every minute of it, when actually I’m bloody knackered and wanting to take better care of myself. Thanks for taking the time to comment. x

It’s such a difficult balancing act isn’t it? I totally relate to what you’re saying here. I really would love to have both, the career and stay at home mum thing because I want to enjoy the time with my kids while they’re young. However I am going back to work full time, needs must, and wish I could find an alternative. I hope some kind of work from home role will come along, perhaps my own business, that means I don’t have to have my kids in full time childcare. #fortheloveofBLOG

It’s so hard, society has us believe that we can have it all, when it’s just not possible. I wonder what Dads think to all of this? Whether they have the same issues? I hope you get enjoyment from going back to work and that working from home becomes a possibility soon. x

I can completely relate to this. I’m a SAHM and have been since having my youngest who is now 3 1/2 years old. It was a decision that we made together and I was happy with. But with her going to school next September, I’m left with what now for me? I’m not the same person I was and couldn’t go back to the job I did before. I need to find a new path. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

It’s tough isn’t it. The decision we’ve made was right for us at the time, and like you I don’t feel I can or want to go back to the role I had. I guess it’s finding our new normal and working out what’s best for us in our current situation! I hope you find the answers you’re looking for and a job that will satisfy you.

I’m a stay-and-work-at-home mum looking after the kids & working as a freelance journalist and it is hard, but the way I see it it’s just for a few years & when they’re all at school it will get easier #bloggersbest

I guess because I’m in the thick of it, it’s hard to see the wood for the trees. Not had much time to myself recently and I’m feeling exhausted. Need to prioritise myself and get some sense of self back!

I think having children is such a big milestone and often makes us re evaluate where we are heading. I became a SAHM after baby 2 and love it but now doing a course to try and carve out a career where I can work from home. Good luck with everything x
#blogstravaganza

Life is just a whole bunch of stages. Enjoy the one you’re in. Trust me – one day soon you will look back and think ‘wow, where did that time go?’. Your ambition will come back when your children are a little older and you get more freedom and energy. Meanwhile, don’t underestimate how many managerial skills you learn as a mother!! I was in the same position and had a choice – and still harboured some resentment. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, except I was jealous of my husbands freedom. I have it now though – and guess what – I miss having my children young! x #SharingtheBlogLove

I’m currently on maternity leave and have the huge decision to make as to whether I return to work or become a SAHM. I can see the pros and cons for both but making that decision is so hard! #SharingtheBlogLove

Funny enough I was just thinking about this today. I want so many things and I want so many things to work in my ways. I think you have just written my post! I think at this time it is a great opportunity just like you said – to find yourself, to find what make you happy the most and from then on you can find a way to make it work for you. Thanks so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost xx

No matter what anyone says, being a SAHM (and I am not, although I am incredibly jealous and long to be) is the hardest job in the world. You are fabulous love! Love yourself, love those kids, and all will come out with the never-ending wash! xoxo

I went through all of this when I gave up my career to be a SAHM/carer for my daughter. Now she’s at school full time and I’m beginning to find my worth as a blogger. Still not totally comfortable describing my job as that, but it is what I do. I was a crap SAHM (still am!) and didn’t do any more housework than I did before. Less, probably, as I work harder, longer hours doing what I do now than when I worked! I hope you find your happy balance x #blogcrush

I can totally relate to this one – I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years! My boys are at school and I’m still at home every day. It can get you down sometimes but when that happens it is totally time to readjust. Thanks for sharing with #pocolo