Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I took a day off today, which meant, as usual, that Erin went to daycare and I went on a bike ride and watched a movie. The bike ride was great; the movie was average.

I seem to have a special ability; a sixth sense. Whenever I abandon my daughter to the care of strangers and take a day for myself and guiltily hide from the spying, judging eyes of the world by ducking into a movie theater, I pick the worst possible movie to see given my guilt and my judgment paranoia.

For instance, today I saw a movie called Henry Pool Is Here. Luke Wilson stars as a man who finds out he is terminally ill, buys a house in his childhood neighborhood looking for comfort in the familiar, and tries to drink himself into depressed oblivion before he dies. He is alone, without any hint of family. This is the kind of movie I choose to see, without knowing anything about the plot, on the day when I'm alone. Idiot.

But today doesn't even compare to Erin's very first day at the day care center. The first day when I wasn't home with her. It was a test, to make sure she'd be able to handle daycare if we had to use it in the future. I didn't need a break or have to run errands or anything like that. So I was feeling especially guilty about taking the afternoon off (yeah, it was only 4 hours of daycare, not even a full day). I went to the movies, and I saw two films, back to back.

The movies were fine, even great. But let me synopsize these two features, selected by me on an afternoon when I had sold my daughter to gypsies.

No Country is the story of man who finds a whole bunch of money at a drug deal gone bad. Someone figures out that he has the money, and they hunt him. So he has to leave his wife and go on the run, holing up in hotels and motels and fleeing from the creepy menace that is Javier Bardem, as well as from some Mexican gangsters. Ultimately, and if you don't want the end spoiled go ahead and skip to the next paragraph.....ultimately, he fails. Despite his competence, he weakens for a moment, and he is killed like a dog. He dies far from his wife, and because he has failed her and defied his nemesis who has promised to kill her for his defiance, she dies too. There is almost no movie that could have been a worse choice to see on that particular afternoon.

Almost. Because I saw the worst movie to see on that particular afternoon immediately afterward.

I Am Legend is the story of a brilliant scientist who is the last man on Earth. He watched his wife and son die in a horrible accident during a panicked evacuation from New York after the cancer-cure he develops starts turning everyone into crazy zombie things. After he watches them die he spends years in insane isolation, trying to cure the zombie things: because he can't bring his family back, but maybe he can perform the near-impossible and make up for destroying the human race and killing his family.

This was not a good, relaxing afternoon at the movies, folks. This was vengeance. Retributive justice. Karma.

I biked away from the theater today feeling as I tend to on these days: guilty. Missing my daughter. Wondering why I need to take even these modest breaks from the routine. I suppose I need to know that these breaks are worthwhile.

But not as badly as I need to know where the 40 year old dude on the bike in front of me was going, in his khaki pants and his loafers and his visor.

And his Bob the Builder backpack.

Just curious, dude.

(Editor's Note: As some people have pointed out, I actually don't really remember the plot details of I Am Legend. Do not count on me for movie reviews. I actually just sit in the theater and tweet.)

47 comments:

Maybe the backpack has special powers like the one on Dora and Diego? It could transform and help him through all kinds of tough situations, like when cars swerve toward him trying to catch a glimpse of an old man with a kids' pack riding down the street. That was the first thing that came to my mind. BTW, I know exactly how you feel with the guilt thing, even when we send the kids to the grandparents house for the day to give me a break.

The little breaks, however modest, are SO necessary. I adore my boys. I miss them when they're not with me, and am often immediately in their space, begging them to tell me what they did that day. However, if we are around each other as constantly as we sometimes have the tendency to get, we'd make each other crazy. They need the space and the inspiration and play of others, and I suppose we do, too, even if we're just sitting in silence in a darkened room, or praying to Mecca in the clearance aisles of Target. It gives us a fresh slate.

I've got nothing on Khaki Pants Man, which is a shame, really, but I look at this comment and see it riddled with commas fired from a semi-automatic comma gun, and I should probalby end this and reload.

I have had kids for 10 years, and none of them have seen the inside of a daycare. I am really REALLY jealous of all of you stay at home parents who had the brains to sign your kids up for daycare. If someone had told me I could've taken a day off 10 years ago, oh, how different I would have turned out.

Le'sigh.

Also, are you SURE he invented the vaccine that killed off everyone? I've seen it a LOT, and I didn't catch that. I thought he was working for the army, finding a cure for the thing that the independent research team lead by (I think I remember this right) some cook new age chick?

Damn it. Now I have to watch it again. I'm billing you for the sleeping pills and the teddy bear I'll need to cuddle.

Necessary so you can have a few moments to even collect these kinds of thoughts and ask these questions.

I need breaks to know that I am not just mom or working mom, that I am me. I needed the 10 minutes it took me to run an errand tonight to crank up the stereo and sing at the top of my lungs.

We all love and adore our children. I work from home--hard as it is (you know)--to be near them. But I cannot be with them 24/7 or I start to lose myself. I had kids relatively late (32, 34) so I knew myself pretty well before hand. And I know that I am someone who needs time away from my inherently needy little ones. To go from working solidly for four hours then straight to a pool for 2 hours then straight home to cook dinner and then do the bedtime routine is tough beans! I take my "me time" where I can get it.

Soon, you will be able to enjoy it without feeling the guilt. And that's a good thing.

Think of it as your responsibility, not just as a father, but as a husband, to make sure you get the little time off you take. So many of my friends (an I did it too when I was fortunate enough to work from home) NEVER took time for themselves. By the time the weekend rolled around and their husbands were home, they just needed to get away to recharge. Problem was, that took away from time with their husbands....bad plan! Take your quiet time during the week, don't feel guilty, feel good that you are putting the value in your relationships with your daughter and your wife that you all deserve.

Ugh, I know Bob is in my immediate future, what with a 14-month-old son, but I'm choosing to completely ignore his exsistence until then.

And, I know how you feel about needing some time but feeling terribly guilty for taking it. I know that after I've left Oscar for a few hours, the pure joy on his face when we're reunited makes it totally worth it.

I think they are worthwhile. The odd time I will take a day off work and take Graham to his babysitter (later than usual, but still) and just lie about the house all day. I NEED to do that sometimes - I just do...

don't feel bad about taking that time off. you need it. it probably allows you to be a BETTER dad. but maybe you should make better movie choices? see something a little less dark and a little more...erm, Mamma Mia-ish (hehehe)

Even if you feel guilty for taking a break they are always needed. Bear and I work two jobs most weeks and take care of the kids too. Its a lot and sometimes we just need some time away from everyone. Yeah, we always feel guilty and we always come rushing back from the break that wasn't as good as we thought it would be, but it still helps.

Might I suggest a comedy for the next day off you need? Seriously - Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, - both of which sound bad but I've heard mixed reviews - methinks you'd walk out at least having giggled a few times.

When my uncle was the mayor, he had a bob the builder doll on his desk, because he got tired of people coming in and bitching about everything. This particular Bob the Builder doll had a feature where you could squeeze his hand and he would say "Can we FIX it? YES WE CAN!!!" very enthusiastically. Really has nothing to do with what you said, but the BtB reference made me think of it. :) You're welcome. :)

Your only problem is that you need to find out more about the movies before you go to the theater! Dude, find a comedy or some fun action adventure! There have got to be some playing. Do a little research!

You've got to give yourself a break, man. Daycare is NOT selling your child to gypsies, or my whole life would look different. EVeryone needs a break from their daily stuff now and then. It doesn't mean you don't love it/her, it just means you are not a machine. But for god's sake, pick a better passtime, okay?

I'm thinking there's a really good chance you should just pick another day-care-day hobby....like picking scabs or trolling for aluminum cans. On one similarly celebrated free day, I went to see the "Bucket List". Nearly drove my car in to a tree after that one..on purpose.

We all need a break sometimes, even when it doesn't feel like we do. I think even our kids need a break from us, too. And as long as you aren't the one with the Bob the Builder backpack, you are going to be juuuust fine.

The whole two times that we have sent Alexis to daycare when we weren't working, I felt AWFUL all day. The guilt, oh the guilt. I swear I think she somehow knows we have sent her to that place she usually goes to every day for no reason and is going to hold it against me for the rest of my life. Can't do it ever again.

BTW, I totally have worn a Dora backpack. *hangs head in shame* It's the only kind in our house these days.

I can relate to the guilty feeling of leaving your kid with strangers the first time. But let me tell you - Day Care ROCKS! My kids both did day care from an early age. They're now 12 and 16, happy, healthy, social, confident.

They picked up a lot of skills in day care that other kids didn't so easily get - like how to meet new people, how to resolve differences, how to engage your mind in a million different ways. They learned to talk sooner, read sooner, write sooner. And they had a blast just playing with all those kids.

I have no regrets, and in fact I think every child should get the opportunity to spend time with other kids in day care.

That said - I can see why those movies sucked for you on that particular day. Know that the feelings change and get better!