How to know what good coaching is.

Somebody asked me a really interesting question today: “how do you know what good coaching is?”.

Which was a fantastic question because I said I’d started as a personal trainer 30 years ago and I said it was like when I personal trained, you didn’t know what a good trainer was, you just accepted what you’ve got. Right? And then when I went into therapy, I didn’t know what a good therapist was. All I knew is what I got, until I knew better.

I said to her, a good coach has no interest in imposing on you. They’re not there to tell you what you should do. They’re not there as a parental figure. They there to lead you to yourself and your truth. What works for you, what’s truly aligned for you, what is your brilliance, your potential.

One of the key ways of doing that is by asking great questions, asking questions that lead you to the answers so you know it’s your truth.

It’s too easy to get swept up and they’re in a position of authority and to go along with it and then find it didn’t work for you. It wasn’t aligned, leading you into yourself, into your truth.

What is great coaching?
Great coaching is about active listening.
Not going in with an agenda that you’re going to force no matter what.
Being responsive, listening, following the clues.
Getting yourself out of the way so that you avail yourself to be of service to that person.
For them to actualize their potential and get the results that they want.

That’s what you want to look for with a good coach.

Not somebody who’s going to give you a cookie cutter, not somebody who’s going to tell you what they did to get where they are, which takes me all the way back to personal training.

Most personal trainers when I started taught people how to imitate certain exercises, which at best was tedious at worst caused injury. That never interested me. I was interested in educating my clients about their body, what it was doing, how to engage their mind, how to get present. It’s a bigger picture.

You can buy a book to get a recipe. Somebody who’s gonna understand your psychology, what engages you, what inspires you to take action, not where you have to push yourself and grunt, but what’s going to allow you to stay in momentum because it engaged you. It captivated you. Helping you.

So when you and I work together, I want to uncover what is that compelling vision of yours that’s gonna pull you toward it. So you’re not pushing yourself. You don’t have to motivate yourself. That compelling vision calls you, so you keep going toward it.

Do your homework please because there is so much being sold as coaching that literally blows my mind. Shaming. Imposing ideas.

I heard today: “if you’re depressed do you want to be a victim to your depression?”. It kind of took my breath away. I mean, there is scientific evidence that if you’re really depressed, your brain has been adjusted chemically in that depressive state.

Shaming someone and saying: “it’s just a choice. You could just choose to be happy” is demeaning. It’s trivializing. It’s shaming and to me, it’s the opposite of coaching.

Learning to work with yourself, learning to know how to support yourself, where you have limitations or you’re not as strong and how to capitalize on your strengths. So that you can be the best version of you; make the biggest impact, gain financial freedom and live a life of joy that enhances other people’s lives and allows you to be of service.

Okay?

If you’ve had anything that’s not like that, we need to chat because I’m on a mission to clear this up.

It’s enough BS.

You deserve the best.

You have genius and divine gift that the world needs from you in your fully actualized self.

Truly empowering women has been my passion for decades. That can’t be shaming. It can’t undermine you. It’s got to empower you to do and be and have whatever it is that you want.

This, this here, this garden in the heart of Manhattan, a block away from Central Park was one of my dreams.
We’re here to live our dreams. They are not random.

You have everything you need. You might need help in clearing up the static, but you don’t need to be treated like a child and told what to do.