I’m going to talk about our perceived value of ourselves and how it affects attraction.

This video is important because how we behave shows other people how valuable we are. I’m going to teach you some ways to increase your value, and things to stop doing that decrease your value.

People value what other people value, what is scarce, and what they have to work for.

We are all supposed to be equal. But we don’t act like it.

Human beings tend to unconsciously look at other people and on some level rate how valuable another person is. We’ve done it for centuries. We even use titles: Kings, Queens, Presidents.

In today’s society, we rank celebrities as more special and treat them that way.

If you are treating someone like they are celebrity, it’s like saying you’re more valuable then you. Most men tend to treat beautiful women like a celebrity.

But everyone wants someone that they perceive is an equal to them, or higher value.

The sad thing, is that most people put a low value on themselves.

Why? Because they are insecure. They did not feel valued and loved as a child and formed an insecure attachment style.

If you were repeatedly treated like you weren’t important, you start to believe it and internalize it. If your own parents didn’t do a good job saying, you are the most important person in the world, for whatever reason- I’m not trying to knock them, you started to believe you aren’t important.

You are important. You are worthwhile, you are special, you are unique.

There’s only one you. And you need to find that light that shines within you and share it with the world.

You have to believe that. You have to put a high value on yourself.

Your beliefs about yourself lead to your behaviors.

This is really important to understand because you want to become more aware of your beliefs so you can do more attractive behaviors.

Now, here’s the good news. Even if you don’t believe you are a great catch in your mind, but you display behaviors of a great catch, the woman will see you as a great catch.

I got an email here from Elliot that says: Hey Craig. I really hate dating and am on the verge of giving up. There is something that really makes me angry about women that I can’t get out of my mind. Women are always attracted to jerks. I cannot tell you how many times I see the guys at my work who are complete scumbags get these really great girls. Why? Why are women so stupid?

Okay, Elliot I can see that you’re hurting. You don’t understand women so you put them down. Women are amazing. You just have to understand that they operate differently than men.

I don’t know much about you, but I’m glad you can recognize that your approach with women is not working and that you can do something different.

So lets start with the idea of women are attracted to jerks. Well a lot of women are attracted to jerks. Why is that? Well there’s a lot of reasons.

In my video We Are Attracted to the Familiar (Which I highly suggest you watch), I talk about how we are attracted to people who are similar to our caregivers

Here are a few very basic examples:

We are attracted to people who will hurt us in the same way that our parents did.

So if you had a father who ignored his kids. You are going to be attracted to a man who ignores you. Because that is what love felt like.

If you have a dad that isn’t attentive. You are more attracted to a partner who is inattentive.

Here are some other reasons women are attracted to jerks:

The jerks that most guys complain about appear to be confident. Their behavior displays that they are a great catch. They don’t chase girls, they don’t over pursue, and so women chase and wonder about them. These guys don’t act too nice. Because they’re not nice.

Now these guys are often the most INSECURE people. BUT women do not see this at first and often they have already fallen in love and go through a very painful relationship and break up. Desperately trying to get the attention of someone who really and ultimately don’t care about them.

This is the hard part to swallow. They simply don’t care about these women.

Those “jerks” they have been hurt and have an avoidant attachment style.

They also want someone who is an equal. A lot of guys drive women crazy when they are constantly trying to please her.

If she asks you where do you want to go tonight? Tell her. Stop being a pleaser. Nobody likes a pleaser. It’s like Smithers from the Simpsons.

IF you act like a pleaser, you will turn her off!!!

Acting scarce increases your value. You do not want to appear too available to someone. There isn’t any mystery or excitement with that. This is why I suggest you only set up dates once a week. A woman needs time to think about you. Don’t be so readily available to see someone. They’ll unconsciously be turned off thinking, why does he want to see me so bad?

For example: If you truly believe you are an amazing catch and someone cancels a date, you are going to be turned off. You’re certainly not going to jump at them trying to reschedule.

If a woman breaks up with me, she is going to get none of my time. I move on and I don’t look back.

Think about how little of a value you exhibit by spending time with someone who just said, I don’t want you. When a woman is breaking up with you, it’s because you are not valuable in her eyes. You just went on clearance.

When she changes her mind and wants me back, she’s going to have to earn my time.

She is going to have to do 100 percent of the calling, texting and pursuing.

She was foolish enough to break up with me, and have the belief that you aren’t valuable. Don’t worry, it wont take long for someone else to see my value.

A lot of you guys keep trying to overcompensate your insecurity about how valuable you feel, by trying to sell yourself on a woman. She needs to sell herself on you. Especially if she breaks up with you.

So You must act in ways that show a woman what YOU BELIEVE your value is.

I got a second email from Tim who says, Hey Craig, your work is incredibly insightful and it’s helping me a lot. I’m dating 2 women at school. I’m not exclusive with either of them. Occasionally one girl will see me out with the other one. Is this bad? We go to a small school so it happens at times. I’m afraid that they will stop liking me if they see me with other women.

I used to believe that too Tim. If I could give you guys one magic quality, it would be to make you appear to be attractive to other women.

People value things that other people value. It’s essentially someone appraising your value.

When a woman sees you out with another woman, it will most likely make her want to chase after you even more! As long as you aren’t trying to rub it in her face.

It lets her know, you are valuable. Women want to be with you. Women will think, what does he have that she wants. And they want you even more.

This could be done in person, through your reputation, or through social media.

Always put yourself first will increase your value.

Why? Because it’s your life and you have to be the star in your own movie. Don’t make someone you don’t even know the star of your movie!

If you put them higher than you, it tells them they have a higher value than you. And ultimately, they want someone who is an equal or someone that is a challenge.

Make someone work for you. Think about something you’ve had to work really hard for. A degree, a diploma, a career. Maybe you saved up for your first car or house.

You valued those things because of all the hard work you had to put in.

Now think of the kids with the rich fathers who give them everything. They don’t value those things as much because they didn’t have to put in any time or effort to get them. Make a woman put in time and effort to get you.

Now a message to all you women are looking for a real relationship. People don’t work for what’s easy.

If you have sex with a guy right away, in many cases he isn’t going to put a high value.

Some guys may who are looking for easy women are not going to like me telling you that, but I want to teach you guys to have meaningful relationships.

If you want to sleep with a guy on the first date, absolutely go for it if you want it could lead to something. BUT, he willmost likely value you more if he has to work for you.

A lot of men will think, well if she sleeps with me on the first date, she may sleep with a lot of guys on the first date. Like I said earlier, guys will value what they have to work for and what is scarce.

Think about this: Would you rather play a penny slot machine that you win every time? Or play the big play off machine where you can win a huge reward.

You can be the penny slots or you can be the jackpot. You choose which one you get to be and act like it. But your actions must be congruent.

If you act like you have high or low value, women are going to believe it.