Tuesday, January 24, 2012

For those of you who are unfamiliar with what we have been up to in the upper Midwest and Great Lakes area, here's a list of weather terms to help you understand:

Winter: Any month beginning with a consonant or vowel

Summer: (1) Mythical season mentioned in ancient epic songs and poetry. Said to be experienced sometime between June and September. (2) Season that appears as the great Nile floods used to before construction of the Aswan Dam -- Every seven years. Not known if building a dam will force it to appear more often.

Rain: Liquid falling from the sky.

Freezing Rain: Liquid falling from the sky, freezing solid upon contact with any object, such as streets, sidewalks, trees and slow-moving people.

Hail: Large ice pellets or balls falling from the sky -- very dangerous. Said to fall during the mythical season of "Summer" as well as at other times of the year.

Sleet: Partially frozen liquid falling from the sky. As with 'Freezing Rain' will freeze completely upon contact with any objects, depending upon the temperature. Slightly warmer temperatures result in an even layer of what looks solid, but is in truth a large puddle made up of material similar to a Sno-Cone without the flavoring.

Frozen Rain: Similar to Freezing Rain, but more solid. It mostly freezes before hitting anything, and then continues the freezing process once it has landed.

Snow: Fluffy white ice crystals that fall from the sky, creating mounds of not-so-fluffy white stuff on the ground. Must be removed from walkways with hours and hours of manual labor. Often results in death, especially the death of the snowplow operator when he/she covers end of driveway five minutes after completing the original task. Forecasts for snow often mention a range of amounts; i.e., 6 to 12 inches, 7 to 14 inches, etc. Most popular range mentioned is 1 to 27.5 inches.

Light Snow: Generally refers to the color as once you have shoveled it for about 2 minutes, each individual flake weighs about 10 pounds.

Overcast: The entire sky above you is covered with grey clouds. If it is during the daylight hours, it is believed that the sun has gone south. Generally a prelude to any type of precipitation.

Partly sunny: More clouds than sun. Nearly 'overcast'. Generally a prelude to any type of precipitation.

Partly cloudy: More sun than clouds. But not by much. Generally a prelude to any type of precipitation.

Temperature: In winter this means "cold".

Wind-Chill Factor: Fancy term for "damn cold!"

Wind: Works with 'temperature' to create "damn cold!"

Clear and Sunny: Usually means too cold to go outside.

Winter Weather Advisory: Snow, rain, sleet and/or freezing rain with some wind that will commence in the near future.

Winter Weather Warning: Snow, rain, sleet and/or freezing rain currently falling with some wind that will get worse.
Blizzard: Snow so thick you can't see your hand in front of your face, always involves high winds. Occasionally, when this happens, they call off school, but rarely work. If this occurs while you are at work, plan to stay there for an extended amount of time -- with no pay..... If this happens while at home on a day when work is scheduled, it is best to do your best to come up with a valid excuse for not coming to work. ANY MENTION OF THE WEATHER WILL INVALIDATE YOUR EXCUSE.