Lost my baby girl Emma,to much fluid on her brain.

Sheralee - posted on 07/25/2010
(
9 moms have responded
)

27

14

0

Friday the 11 june 2010, We had our 19 weeks scan and were so excited to find out what we were going to have, " can you tell what we are having?" I say, as she had already been doing our scan for about 15mins which Logan and I had though that was already rather long but we haddnt been to this ultrasound place for this scan before we went to hamilton with Layten our son, so didnt worry. she said "oh you would like yo know" seemed kinder surpised but found out anyway, " Its a ..Girl " we were exstatic, woop woop we were having the wee girl we wanted as aready having our son so a baby girl to add to our already fab family was so great.

We had our midwife appointment after the scan, walked in, did my pee test, meet in my MW office, "how are you today"Jo said "Im great... were having a girl" with the biggest grin on my face... She said "ok so I have some bad news to tell you, in our scan" ... That we had thought was perfect..." She has enlarged venticals" huh what is this huh...... It honstly felt like I droped from a 20 story building and then some. What does this mean? Our baby girl isnt as perfect as we had first thought.Her brain venticals were 15mm the normal is supposed to be 10mm or under so we were deverstated,What does this mean for our daughter. If the venticals were to stay slightly enlarged she could maybe have some learning problems or even nothing at all.

We then had to start the waiting.... For specialist and appoinments at the hospitals.My midwife said that if we had not heard from them before 3 pm tuesday she would hurry them up, come 10 am tuesday I started txt my MW."sorry to be impatiant but is there any way you could find out when they might ring us" she txt back "sure will ring them now". My MW is the best MW you could ever have I recon. after a few hours and MW giving them a hurry up we have our appointment for Thursday 17 ,2.30pm....almost a whole week later.

Thursday came around and we headed up to the hospital so nervous that we feel sick, headed to the antinatal clinc and were seen almost straight away. "come though please"mr scan man said...a lady did our scan while we had 2 student and another scan specialist to over see the findings."oh that not what the report said "says the scan lady, I say "what is it good" I had my hopes up soooooooo much, everyone said positive thinking and she will be fine... and I belived them. scan lady said " No sorry its NOT" pardon its not what what?????????What, I just couldnt understand, my husband couldnt even look he was crying as I had been though out the whole scan. She has sever Hypocatlist.... something like that... Which means her brain has not developed, instead of brain is fluid.

We couldnt belive it, we were taken to a dark room were we could greive and take it all in,Why has this happend to us?What could I have done better? There was nothing we could do or have done to prevent this misfortune, which Im not sure is more or less frightning but it is now our reality. we have 2 options to terminate or to keep her but she will be a vegtable for the rest of her to be short life anyway. They gave us another appointment for 10am the next day to talk to a newborn doctor to find out some answers and find out if we kept our wee girl what sort of life could she live.

Back at the hospital the next day, we took our son, My husbands mum and my husband, we also meet my MW there,We talk to the newborn doctor and he tells us that, the fulid has taking over her brain, instead of brain developing, fluid has built up in its place so that the brain can not grow, if we were to carry on with the pregnacy , she will grow but when she is born she will maybe eat for 2 days to 2 weeks but then she wont be able to anymore and if she lives past the 2 weeks she will not live past a year. In a way this was easier to hear than of she lived a long and misrible life. this imformation made our decison much easier, if there is an easier decison. if you know what I mean.but we were now way more content that we now can give her back to god, were he can look after her.the doc also said that this happends 1 in 10000, give us a break.he also said that there is probely no chance this could happen again for us, which I guess is good news.

So Monday we go back to the hospital so I can talk to a social worker and and take a pill that will shut down my placenta which will eventaly make our wee girl die, then on Wednesday at 8am I go in and get induced untill I give brith to her still born,they will take photos for us with her and of her feet and hands,they will dress her and we can spend time with her and greive, I honstly have no idea what we have ahead of us next week, I just hope its not to painful as if this all hasnt been painfull enough.Then theres her funerel arrangments but we are just goin to get through this next bit first.Wednesday 23 June 2010.I went into hospital on the wednesday at 8am to have my first pills to induce labour to be exspected to start some sort of labour at around 6 hrs into it but no as I dont do things by halfs well not even an hour into it I was starting to contract hard and I mean hard and fast, 5mins apart but buy 3hrs to get next pills I hadent even diolated nothing , not to worred at this stage because it had only been 3 hrs, so the next 3 hrs on came and I was in PAIN!!!! so the hooked me up to morphen that I could push a button and get my fix loloh and gas to but that didnt work so they ened up by 6pm that day giving me some diffrent stuff to keep me as comfy as they could, by this stage we knew we would be in for the night, with no progress at all.... No sleep and lots of pain the morning comes and I just culdnt cope with the pain , I had been so dosed up with drugs they coulnt belive I still could feel lots of pain but I could expecialy in my right side.with each contraction I just couldnt see the end. by 7.20am thursday they said right lets put an epdurial in so ease your pain.... all that did was numb my legs so I just could move them but at least when they did my internals I couldnt feel them.by this stage I was thinking could it get any worst aie I was in so much pain and they just couldnt block it.as the day went on and I just couild belive I was still there 2pm ...3pm....7pm...... what is goin on... My MW was thre the whole time to and she was so amazing, sorting out shit to get plans happening so if nothing has happend by ... we had another paln. So by 10pm thursday the night docs came on and they were like what are you still doing here.. well you tell me ... After an internal she was like " right lets go take you to theatre so get this baby out") I was like yay finaly some one is doing something.. but what ..... there were 2 choses exstract baby or another C Sec.... they realy didnt want to do a C sec because it could mean compications for next pregnacys.. but I was like just get her out... they dosed me up 1...2...3... more times but still I could feel my right side so then they had to put me under... I woke up at 2 am friday....

This is how we lost our daughter as well - severe spina bifida & hydrocephalus. However, somehow my body knew from the start something was wrong & as a result, I never even knew I was pregnant until I was roughly 30 weeks (no symptoms, no weight gain - even still had 'periods' right on the dot every month). By that point, there was no brain - only fluid & we found out at what we originally thought was our 12/13 weeks scan that I was 33/34 weeks instead. And that our baby was already technically brain dead.

Just over a week later I was induced & on the 5th Jan 09, our lil angel Ashley was born. We never got to see our baby, as with all the fluid they had to remove to enable me to give birth caused severe physical damage (I had her naturally & she was a breech baby).

My heart goes out to you all as we had the same choice you did - a termination or a child who wouldn't live but would suffer until she passed away. It's no decision I would want any other parent to have to make & it's the hardest thing my husband & I have ever had to decide & even though we both know in our hearts we made the right choice for our daughter, it doesn't make the pain any less.

OMG Jayne thats so sad Im sorry for your loss,I know what you mean by ,I will be happy again though , I think Im starting to have more better days than bad, I have a lot of support around me,and Im going to see my Mum,(she has cancer,termanal) in 4 weeks ,because they live in the south Island(I live in New Zealand) I live in the north Island.Thanks for you other post to, its so great we have these sites to help us talk about our loss and emotions, take care xoxox

Hi Sheralee, I just replied to your other post not realising you had this post. I also had to make a decision about my baby 7 years ago,he had severe spina bifida. The life he was to have was not a life at all. Tough decision. I am 7 years on and have just lost my 2nd baby a little girl. She was born preemie at 25 weeks and 5 days and she lived for 2 weeks. I also nearly died during her birth and ended up having a hystorectomy as a result. Life is tough sometimes and really cruel but I have 2 healthy boys and whilst at the moment it is a really sad time for us we will be happy again. xoxoxo