Guys Please!: Cuddling Boundaries?

So...i've been through a lot...and my close guy friends know this.I'm a tomboy who hangs out with all guys and have been for years now. I've known them all since high school. After something really bad happened to me, I found it hard to be near other people. I could hang out with them but if they touched me I'd recoil. Only one of my guy friends I trust enough to actually be near. I told him this, and he cuddles with me. He cares for me, he said, like he's never cared about a girl before. I can't tell what any of this means. I initiate the cuddling when we are alone because like I said, he's the only person I feel comfortable doing so with. We have fallen asleep in each others arms multiple times in the last week, and when it's time for me to go home I just get wake him up and he walks me to the door. We don't kiss or hug goodbye, just say goodbye until the next day because we, and the rest of my guy friends, hang out everyday. I can't tell if he likes me. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about him. After all that has happened I'm not ready for a boyfriend or fwb. He knows this. So...my question is, is what I am doing wrong? I don't want to continue cuddling with him if he likes me and wants to be something more while I don't. From my view, he is just the most comforting presence because he is my favorite person in the world. I don't want to lead him on..

What Guys Said 1

Anonymous

You need to grow up and get over your past. He obviously wants more from you and what you are doing is NOT fair to him. You can go ahead and use someone for physical comfort but you can eventually pay for it later.

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Asker

Thank you for your honesty. I did not see it that way until I began to feel uncomfortable so I figured it was worth getting a second opinion before I accidentally destroy the best friendship I have.

Although, to get a further take from you in a little more detail...does it make it any better that I have told him before this that it will be a long time until I am ready for any form of a relationship. also, he has mentioned he wants a girlfriend and I have been trying to help him find one since I know I can't be the one for him, or anybody, for a long time...idt this makes it any better but the bad sh*t I talked about was a sexual assault I went through eight weeks ago. I still have scars on my body.

!st sorry for your assault. I want to tell you that there is no time table for you getting a boyfriend and having sex. DO NOT let the person that hurt you win. EVER! You did nothing wrong and you are still a beautiful woman. Feel good having sexual thoughts and being open. Also do not punish yourself for what happened. Sex and or having a loving relationship is rewarding. I feel deep in your heart that you want to be with this guy. I say go for it but do not tell him many details of your situation.

Try to tell him as little as possible and just tell him that you need to take things a little bit slow. Try to not sleep with him as much anymore without making things clear(as you have said you would). You can and WILL be happy and sexual and it may be with this guy if you choose to. NEVER have a man try to fix you. I would recommend seeking some therapy and staying positive. As I said none of this is your fault and you are still a sexual being that has needs.

It puts you in a bit of emotional danger and it makes him frustrated thus making it unfair to him. I really think you can put the past (immediate past yes) behind you and see this guy but take it slow. Like I said before don't be the loser in this situation. You are the winner emotionally and are not affected in the long run. You run this show.