Thursday, April 21, 2016

School Combat: Why Students are Getting Hit By Teachers and School Security

This morning's news brings yet another report of a student being "attacked" by a teacher in a classroom. This is just another in a string of reports of students being pushed out of their desks, thrown to the ground or otherwise strong-armed in the classroom by teachers or school security guards during the school day.

Why is this happening?

I know some of you may say I'm blaming the victim here, but... well, there is plenty of blame to go around. This epidemic of Adult to Student abuse has come after decades of student coddling and befriending by the school system, resulting in an air of disrespect and chaos in the classroom.

What's left is a bunch of burned out and yes, abused teachers and staff, spending days trying to teach disrespectful and defiant students - amid a group of students who want to learn and are trying to do the right thing.

Mix in the menagerie of social and cultural issues, poverty, drug use, kids coming from homes that allow disrespect and physical fighting amongst themselves and you have ... well. THIS. An environment where kids are afraid of their fellow students AND the staff.

In this particular case, it is said the student was talking back to the teachers-aide before the video was filmed. No excuse... but... well..... Should the child have respected his teachers, his elders? Should his parents have taught him that?

Below is a link to this newest case... but there will be more to come, no doubt, until kids are taught both at home and in Kindergarten how to respect the school system and the importance of their own education and those who are there to teach them.

Those of us who have troubled kids have spent plenty of time going to the schools to pick up the kids after an incident. Angry outbursts, verbal abuse, Yes, I've had kids who have gone-off on teachers verbally - been stubborn and acted out - already in special ed classes because of their special circumstances, but the teacher's and staff I've worked with have always been prepared, - we've discussed what steps to take and they have spaces to remove the students too. My foster kids have known that if I had to come to school to get them.. they would lose privileges and well... they knew I had greater expectations for them and we would troubleshoot with the care team to deal with their behaviors. Let's just say they'd come home and be splitting wood for days. :)

Most of these cases that hit the news result in lawsuits against the schools and no consequences for the child's behavior that may have initiated the issue.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Spring Cleaning is something the whole family can contribute too. Remember - if a child can operate a cell phone or gaming device, they can operate a broom!

When you have foster children in the house, or kids who have suffered trauma, you want to supervise and "help" in cleaning their private spaces so that you can key into troubles that they may be hiding - things that you may have missed up to this point. Troubled kids are great at hiding the things that clue you in to their distress, and you may have been lulled into a false sense of security when things seem to be going well in the household.

Things you might find and what you should do:

* Kids room or bathroom area: bottles, or containers of urine. I've had kids store urine in containers IN THE BATHROOM. Boggles the mind, right?

What to do: Talk about it. Kids do this for many reasons. Insecurity, fear, it is usually seen in children who have been sexually traumatized, but really, it's a fear response, so, it needs to be dealt with frankly and honestly. Ask the child to dispose of the urine and clean the bathroom or room/area that it was stored in. Ask the child what would make him/her feel safer. Read:

* Kids Bedroom: Sexually Used Items: i.e.: teddy bears with holes cut in them etc. Discard and have an open discussion with your kids about how to masterbate. I KNOW. But - you have to have an open and healthy approach to sex, especially if you have a household with kids who have been sexually traumatized, so, if it's not treated as a big deal by you - you can make it a healthy discussion and be aware of any troubling sexual thoughts or actions between kids.

This is also a great time to refresh your HOUSE RULES and put new rules into place. For example, if you kids are old enough - teach them now how to do their own laundry or take on new chores. If you don't have a rule about CELL PHONES (Turn in all devices to parents at night for charging), put this into effect NOW. We also recommend that you have passcode to all your child's devices. IF they change the code, they lose the device for a week.

Overall, Spring cleaning together teaches foster kids many things. 1. that they participate in an event as a family, 2. that you are aware of what happens in ALL SPACES in the house and that 3. you are an ally in the home and will deal with all issues directly and properly.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

The House Rules post is our Number 1. read post on this blog, and it's no wonder. Getting house-rules to work in your home means setting boundaries that allow kids to understand expectations and consequences...and to follow them. It doesn't mean your kids will be perfect, but it is the foundation that tells your kids that you are in control and that defiance has penalties. Especially important for foster homes or homes where your kids have behavioral problems, having and posting house rules clearly defines expectations, which is a vital, first step.

Having said that, we thought this would be a good time to go back over the House Rules and encourage those of you who don't have any to start the new year off right by posting your own in your home. You might want to tweak them a bit to reflect your own circumstances and kids, but overall, you want to be clear about the rules and the penalties and always leave room for additions and changes to be made by YOU. (kids always look for loopholes.)

Once you have your house rules developed, go over them with the kids so that everyone understands them. Remember, although kids might complain about the rules, rules also give your kids comfort and security. They help ease anxiety and let the kids know that the rules apply to everyone and help keep Everyone safe and happy.

Now, my example set of rules has been created with my foster kids in mind, and has been tweaked over the years to include areas of concern including things like inappropriate sexual behaviors and the like.

Don't forget: Go over house rules with the children's visitors as well.

House Rules should be incorporated with Chore Lists and Disciplinary Action Forms, all available to download off our Facebook page.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Foster kids often have behavioral issues and hitting or
striking-out at a foster parent or sibling is not uncommon. The first time it
happens to you can be confusing.

There are steps that must be taken to protect yourself
and the child in the foster care system. A discussion with your caseworker
and pre-planning for such an incident would be the best way to approach this
likely event, However, I wanted to offer some advice for those of you who might
be caught off guard or otherwise confused or unprepared for this type of
behavior.

The first thing you want to do is make sure yourself and the
other children in the home are safe from the child doing the hitting.Send the other kids out of the area and
make sure that you have an open route of escape should the situation
escalate.I know that sounds
dramatic, but safety first.

After the incident, write down everything you can remember
about what happened. Write down what you were saying and what the child was
saying. Was the child mad at you or at another person or child in the
home?

If you are not sure, you can write down your thoughts or
guesses as to what happened, but be sure to note that these are only your
impressions of the events and not facts. You want to think about the cause of
the incident so that you can trace back the trigger for further counseling work
later.

Report the incident as soon as you can to the caseworker or counselor.
I have 24 to 72 hours to report
something to a caseworker with the organization I work with, but yours may be
different. Check with your caseworker to be sure you know your requirements.

You may be thinking: “Why do I have to report small hitting
incidents if they aren’t really big deals. No one was hurt and I don’t want to
make a big deal out of it.”

The answer to that is this: The hitting behavior is a red
flag and undoubtedly only the beginning of what could be escalating aggression.
Not doing anything about it implies that there are no consequences and the
child will think it is okay to continue the behavior. It also must be addressed for the
child’s own benefit to give him or her help for their behavior.

The other reason it is important to document these smaller
incidents is so that you have evidence of previous behavior should it happen
again.

You can’t
report an escalated incident later on and say, “Well, he has hit me in the past
and this time he really hurt me so, I just grabbed him so he would stop hitting
me and the other children in the home ” without being able to prove it.Now it’s your word against the child’s.You or the child will be calling the police for an escalated
incident and you will have to answer questions like, “have you ever hit any
other children?”When you try to
tell them that the child has a history of hitting, you had better be able to
back that up with documentation and the child should be working on that issue
in counseling.

Now, how to handle
the child that has hit, you when it happens...

You may hold them in a safe manner to protect yourself or to protect the child from hurting himself. Get training on how this is done or talk to the caseworker
and ask them how they would want you to do this.

Try to calm the child down. You will not be able to get a
caseworker or the police to help you immediately so you have to take control of
the situation yourself.Get the
child to a safe part of the house. Sometimes I had to just put them outside and
wait until the police showed up to talk to them or even take them away.Sometimes you can’t help the kids and
that was the hardest thing for me to learn.

If you can get them to talk about what happened to make them
want to hit, don’t forget what they are saying. Write it down. This may be the
only time they will open up and share. If they can identify what started the incident they are
helping you identify their “triggers.” Learning and remembering the child’s
triggers are an important part of later therapy and future growth.

Hitting behavior and anger is a symptom of a bigger problem
or of changes happening in the child, good or bad. So, even if you can stop the
hitting at home, trust me, it will happen somewhere else, like at school, if
the root cause of their anger isn’t addressed.

Get help for
hitting or fighting from caseworkers and counselors and keep a record of all
the times that it happens. This will help. You will see a pattern develop and will be on the
path to discovering the underlying issues.

Most importantly, protect your family and educate yourself.
Learn the history of the kids coming into your home before you take them on,
determine whether you and your family are mentally, physically and emotionally
able to handle kids with behavioral and anger issues and then take all available
training on dealing with tough kids. Although challenging and heartbreaking at
times, these are the kids that need you the most.

Friday, October 23, 2015

It might be hard to tell with your foster kids, but at this time of the year if they are especially anxious, grumpy, sleepy and have difficulty concentrating they might be suffering from symptoms of SAD: seasonal affect disorder.

When days get shorter and the amount of sunlight exposure your kids have because of school and time spent indoors because of the weather changes, a study by the National Institute of Mental Health showed that three percent of kids may suffer from seasonal depression or SAD.

Now, with foster kids, who may already have many of the issues that are part of the seasonal affect disorder symptomology, more notably a change in eating (a craving for sweets) or sleeping patterns may be the key to determining if your child is also affected by the seasonal light changes.

Treatment for SAD is usually non-drug related and focuses on light-therapy, including dawn-simulating light alarms that gradually increase the light in the child's room to simulate a normal summer sunrise. Increasing outdoor winter activities to spend time in the sun and a healthy diet also help seasonal depression.

For more information check out the below article:

Seasonal Affective Disorder in Children

Did you know that children can suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective
Disorder)? I'm embarrassed to admit that I just found this out recently,
after years of writing about mental health. Seasonal Affective Disorder
is a condition that can cause depression, fatigue and overeating, among
other things, and it is brought on by the change of seasons. According
to Winter Blues
by Normal Rosenthal, M.D., a survey done by the National Institute of
Mental Health (NIMH) showed that about three percent of children suffer
from SAD, with a greater incidence occurring in the last three years of
high school.

I'm surprised that it hadn't occurred to me before. After all, if
children could have clinical depression and other depressive disorders,
why not SAD? Apparently even animals can suffer from SAD. Of course,
it's worth nothing that all creatures on earth have a tendency toward
SAD symptoms in the winter, but when normal functioning starts being
impaired, it's time to take a closer look.

So, is there a chance that a child you know has Seasonal Affective
Disorder? Well, if he starts off the school year doing well, but his
grades start dropping after the holidays, it's possible. If she bounces
out of bed after eight to ten hours of sleep in the summer but can
barely drag herself out of bed after more than twelve hours of sleep in
the winter, it's worth looking into.
SAD in children can go undiagnosed fairly easily, especially in
adolescents, who are expected to be moody and have trouble getting out
of bed. A few seasons may need to pass before anyone notices a seasonal
pattern in behavior.

Symptoms of SAD in Children

A change in appetite, especially a craving for sweet or starchy foods

Anxiety

A drop in energy level

Irritability

Fatigue

A tendency to oversleep

Difficulty concentrating

Avoidance of social situations

As with diagnosing SAD in an adult, the single biggest clue is whether the symptoms are seasonal.
It's important that your child be evaluated by a qualified
professional. If you think that your child has SAD, chances are good
that your instincts are correct. But she still needs to see a doctor and
have other possibilities eliminated first, and any treatment should be
under a doctor's care, even if the treatment is purely non-drug.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Hoarding behaviors of all kinds are not uncommon amongst
foster or adopted kids. Hoarding food is especially common and often times
overly worrisome for new foster or adoptive parents. Food issues can be scary. Let’s face it, watching your new kids gobble up the food on
the dinner table can be a bit distressing and although your first approach
might be to simply try to teach them some table manners and basic etiquette,
the behavior can be a symptom of something bigger.

Typical types of food behaviors foster parents will see are:

·Eating too much- weight gain

·Not eating enough – weight loss

·Monitoring food supplies

·Hoarding and hiding food

Most of these issues have some kind of
relationship with control and comfort. These kids have just been removed from a
place where they felt some measure of security, even if the home was neglectful
or abusive, so controlling food by eating too much or too little or by hoarding
it, is a way to get control over their environment.

Children that seem to monitor the amount of food in the
house, or hoard food so that a sibling or others in the home have food, are
dealing with a continuance of the caregiver role they most likely had
previously. Often children in
neglectful homes took on parental responsibilities and continue to exhibit survivalist
“hoarding” even when they first arrive in a safer environment.

Some children will gain weight or lose weight in response to
a history of sexual abuse. They will attempt to alter their appearance to make
themselves less attractive, even after the immediate threat or actor has been
removed.

Other times children will simply turn to food as a form of
comfort to help them deal with their new surroundings.

No matter what the circumstances, your approach towards a
new foster child’s food hoarding behavior is to… do nothing.

Make sure the child is safe, allow the
child to have access to food and monitor the situation. Your focus at the beginning of your
relationship with the child is not to monitor their weight gain (although
extreme weight gain or weight loss should be brought to the attention of doctors
or caseworkers) but to gain and build their trust.

Work towards assuring the child that there is plenty of food
for everyone and that they have ample access to it. Do not allow caseworkers to make you the “bad cop” and to
force you to deal with a pre-existing obesity problem. Your main concern will
be to build trust and provide a sense of safety and security. Once you have a well-established relationship with the child you can gently work on better eating and a more active lifestyle along with the child's doctor and caseworker.

Fighting over food hoarding with your new foster or adoptive
child will only create distrust and prevent you from building an important bond
with the child. Fighting the
hoarding behavior without having a trusting and solid relationship with the
child will only make the behavior worse.

Allow the behavior to happen and view
it as an opportunity to learn about the child’s history and background… why
they do what they do. Ultimately,
this knowledge will help you and the caseworkers work with the child and the
hoarding behavior will eventually stop on its own.

Food hoarding is only a symptom of bigger issues, so do your best
to allow it to happen safely (provide a fridge in the room if necessary) while
you work on the more important goals of building trust, and making the child
feel safe and secure.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

NOTE: This posting is about ADD and Trust disorder kids who CAN attend school. For all those parents who are dealing with kids who aren't attending or cannot attend school yet due to behavioral issues, we have information for you as well, and are working on our post about home-teaching and transitioning to school. We know you are out there... and we hope you are hanging in there....

All parents are anxious to get their kids back to school,
but those of us with high energy ADD, ADHD or kids with other impulsivity
issues and trust issues, well, we are even MORE excited about the prospect of a
break from the endless attention-needy kids.

If you have been successful and diligent about sticking to a
schedule as I suggested in my blog post The ADHD and RAD Kid Summer Planner: or "Why I Didn't Lose My Mind While My Kid's were on Summer Vacation" then the transition won’t be too difficult. Having a routine that you
have stuck to with wake up and bedtimes means less of an adjustment to your
routine-loving kids, so that will be to your benefit. If you haven’t been able to keep the school routine going,
you still have a chance to create one that will make the back –to-school
transition less dramatic for your kids.

So, let’s just focus on the most important thing that kids
with ADD, ADHD and trust disorders need and want. STRUCTURE AND ROUTINE. If you have fallen out of the usual wake and bedtimes
from the school schedule, begin adjusting those times now so that the child is
waking and going to bed at normal school times at least three weeks before
school begins.

If you haven’t done any homeschooling during the summer and
have let your ADD and RAD kids do their own thing, start pulling in the
reins. I had recommended keeping
to a regime throughout the summer of learning and exercise programs to mimic
lesson times at school to keep kids use to the school day schedule and to
minimize anxiety and tantrums. If you have done this you are probably having a
realatively decent summer. If not,
you are Definitely ready for school to start. :)

Re-introduce a
daily schedule of play, chore and learning times. ADD and RAD or kids with
trust and impulsivity issues do better when they have structure and routine, so
their anxiety levels will decrease and outbursts will be limited. A schedule
similar to their school day with outdoor play and lunchtimes about the same as
at school will help them make a smooth transition back to class.

Finally, get yourself organized. Start planning now
for doctors appointments, teacher meetings and purchasing school supplies so
that you don’t feel stressed as the big day approaches. Your kids can pick up
on your stress levels, which will set them off, so do yourself a favor and plan
ahead for all those things you need to take care of so that you aren’t feeling
pressure.

Here is a week to week planner for you that might help:

July 9 –
15 Start adjusting the child’s schedule to school
schedule times.

July 16 – 22 Make doctors appt. to check on medications levels, get
immunizations, and
physicals for sports if necessary.
Update immunization records. Update your emergency contact numbers. Make sure any medication changes are given to school nurse. Start putting together a file to give to the school with the list of medications,caseworkers names and numbers, your phone numbers and doctors and any allergies. Very important for New Foster Kids! (sometimes the schools have this information from the year before if YOU need it for new foster kids!)

July 23 – 29
Get back to school clothing and shoes.

July 30 – Aug 5 Get list of school supplies needed and shop
the sales. Child should be on School Day time schedule now.

Aug 6 – Aug 12 Kids clean and organize their rooms and
homework spaces. Get kids hair cut and prep for school pics.

Aug 19 – Aug 26
Get teacher’s names and email addresses, Get digital copies of IEPs that
you may have to send to various caseworkers, teachers or doctors throughout the
year. Start a file folder
with the new school year marked on it for all of the upcoming paperwork you may
get and want to keep track of. Put a list of child's meds in the folder for easy referral.
Get new school year calenders printed up to mark days-off, events and appointments.

Everyone celebrates a
new and happy start back at school

Good luck everyone!

If you have more tips on how to make the transition easier
on your foster, adopted or bio kids with issues like RAD, ADD or Aspergers,
please comment here or on our Facebook page!

Feedjit

Adsense

Amazon

Join our Community on Google Plus

Facebook Badge

Search This Blog

Read This Blog On Your Kindle! Click Below Link For Details!

Subscribe To My Podcast

Need to Leave a Private Message?

We understand if you have a private message or personal question to ask. We want to help. We will respect your private email as you respect ours.We may use your situations and questions for future blog postings if they can help others. Your privacy is our first concern and we would, of course, never compromise your children's or your identity if we would do so.Click here to email us privately. We will answer usually within a day.