doomsday preppers

President Obama urged Congress today to pass laws limiting the amount of food and ammunition a citizen can have on stockpile at any given time. The President was quotes as saying that “These people preparing for a government collapse are the one’s most likely to cause it.”

“The government is here to supply your needs, so there’s no need to have a 3 year food supply hidden in your basement,” said President Obama. ”After binge-watching episodes Doomsday Preppers on the Netflix, I see how dangerous and un-American these people are. In a failing society we all have to work together, and if you’re hoarding food, there’s less for everyone else. No one should be hoarding ammunition, and I think anything more than 50 rounds should be criminal. I’m asking Congress to push through new laws, making it a crime to have more than a 30 day supply of food or more than 50 rounds of ammunition in your home. These preppers are more of a danger to America than ISIS, and they need to be stopped.”

“He’s right again, as always,” said Democrat Nancy Pelosi. “Preppers are dangerous and crazy people. If there’s a disaster, the government will help you and your family. Prepping is some kind of mental illness, and they shouldn’t even be able to have guns and weapons.”

Not everyone feels the way that President Obama and other democrats do, though. Many republican senators are quick to strike down the proposal, saying that prepping is something that should be the God-given right of every American citizen.

“Preppers are smart, they know history shows you can’t count on your government,” explained Senator Ted Cruz. “When I’m President, I’m going to encourage everyone to have at several years of canned food and bottled water on hand. Preparing to take care of your family is the American way, and the only way that will keep us strong in time of dire need. If Obama wants to talk prepping, he should prep his ass for some serious fight on this issue.”