I do it, and I do it big. Here's to not forgetting about it.

Posts tagged ‘resolutions’

Days practiced: I don’t know, but I played well in a recital, so enough for now

This begs the question – how well am I resisting?

I. The temptation to overeat

I am breaking even. I will confess that I regret weighing myself a few days ago and seeing that, in that I was a bit less motivated to run. Naturally, everything is fitting the same way, but you know, sometimes you just hope to step on the scale and see a miracle. 🙂

II. Nonlinear progress

Although the scale is not budging, I can’t be mad because I’ve been eating whatever and it has been delicious. That being said, I am seeing my resting heart rate come down and I am getting better sleep, so the running is not a waste. I’ve got do to better in February, though, because I’ve got a 10 miler with The Mentor coming up and I already have no hope of keeping up so I’d rather not have negative hope and extra weight.

III. Comparing Myself to Others

I’m especially impressed with myself because I went to a recital and heard some really talented teachers, but I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do. Playing the piano can be fun and I think I have a specific calling, so for today, I’m secure. I know someone else could be doing it, but I don’t see anyone else around doing it for right now, and here I am, living life, so I may as well make the best of it.

IV. Allowing the evil one to steal my joy

This past week, I have been looking for any reason to laugh. At myself, with my colleagues and friends, at anything. I’m just ready for a good time even though nothing is really different. When I am happy, the key is to allow it even though I suspect in a week or two I will feel as though the world is ending.

V. Minimizing my accomplishments

I guess 1 through 4 aren’t too bad.

VI. Not prioritizing my time.

I’m so thankful for the opportunity I had to play this past month and that I am on track to complete my 1019 km in 2019! It has been tricky but I’ve been making it work. However, I know that I have to be feeling positive to feel like it is worth it. I was extremely tempted to skip my running for the week because my weight hadn’t moved, but I reminded myself to not minimize my accomplishments, which helps me to prioritize my time.

Onto February:

Weight loss: 5-7 pounds

Miles run: at least 54

Races run: 2

Days practiced: whatever I need to be able to play through the first movement of Florence Price’s Piano Sonata.

I’ve been thinking about how little i wrote in 2017. This is not a reflection of the amount I’ve had to say about the year. Please. I’m a newlywed and a Democrat. I’ve got thoughts. What I have not had is motivation, and not just about writing. I feel like I haven’t been able to get myself to commit and stick with much of anything. I walked out of the gym a few days ago and spoke aloud to myself, as I often do.

I’m like Matilda when she went to high school. I lost my powers when I went to the advanced level.

My commute has literally quintupled and I’ve chosen to take on more work because, well, I like making money. That being said, while I suppose anything is possible and I can do anything I put my mind to and insert third encouraging platitude here, my abilities are not limitless. Adjusting to my new life is sucking up my discipline. I do not want to plan meals. I don’t want learn recital programs. I don’t want to plan to PR a race. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish to eat healthily, play the piano, or run races. I simply need the space right now to do so in a more casual manner.

Sometimes, that’s okay.

It has to be, otherwise, I just suck. This is my story, and no one is the villain in her own story, right?

What isn’t okay, at any time, is choosing to give up. In a conversation with a close friend, the following exited my mouth –

Eating is the new dating.

Only a statement like that could be more loaded than my average 2017 plate. Literal and figurative. Going straight to the drive through from the gym gives me a sick thrill. Spontaneous and rebellious. I have to plan so many things. It’s nice to not to have everything written down, kinda like single Joan didn’t know how the next date was going to go!

Alas, sometimes, I should reckon with the fact that I am a grown ass adult. Anticipating how my blood work will be is not quite as thrilling as the drive through decision. My doctor has already told me I need to do better, and I’ve taken action the best way I feel I can right now. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am not in a place where I am willing to prep my food, so I’m trying a meal delivery service. It feels exorbitant, but let’s be real – so is eating out, as is buying vegetables that I don’t end up eating, not to mention the health care costs down the line if I don’t clean up my act. Someone is gonna get this cash – I may as well get the best results from it.

Sometimes, you have to start over.

Sometimes, you find an ideal quote for a post but hate that there is a comma splice. Sometimes, one must settle.

Welp. I can’t say that I have actively set a timer for myself or anything. However, I have most definitely turned over a new leaf! In the first few weeks of the year, I did some major cleaning in my room – threw out several bags of things I no longer use and collected things to donate. The other half of my queen size bed is no longer haven to clothes I haven’t gotten around to putting away. When I do laundry, I am much better at immediately hanging or folding them. I think this may be the longest there has been so much walking space in my room, sadly whoa yeah!

I am finding that living a more organized life makes for less stress. When each thing has a place, I don’t have to live on the edge quite so much. Knowing that cleaning isn’t going to be some epic thing that will take all day is a huge weight off of my shoulders. Perhaps just doing a little at a time is all I need. I find myself just getting up and doing things rather than putting it off because I enjoy the clean space. It is making me want to organize my work space in my classroom as well. Whoa.

NB – I will be updating this resolution frequently, as deep cleaning will have to happen this year. It’s scary to think of how much I have accumulated in 29.75 years. I am curious to see how I will handle the planning and execution!

Other NB: I’m not sucking at this, either:

1. This one is the most important. I know whatever comes below will be executed imperfectly. I resolve to give myself the freedom to be imperfect without beating myself up.

I wrote at the beginning of last month about my resolutions. I’m making it a point to be one of those people who actually does what she says as opposed to talking big and not delivering. Not just that, I’m going to write about it to keep myself accountable.

Today: money.

Some background information – money makes me really uncomfortable. I’ve tried budgeting many times in my twenties and given up shortly thereafter because something would come up. “Stupid sickness! Stupid nuptials!” or something else I didn’t plan for as I would have to trash my carefully crafted plan. It’s ironic – I believe my perfectionism is at the root of much of my disorganization. I can’t get it perfectly right, so why bother trying?

Apparently, I’m growing up. This time around, I have planned for things like gift giving and left a bit of space in my health and fitness budget for a stupid doctor. Creating boundaries has actually given me freedom, just like my parents always said it would, tee hee. “We tell you that you can’t go past THIS line on the driveway so you don’t have to worry about being so close to the street to get hurt while you ride your bike.” I wish they had used the bike illustration with my bank account earlier! I am much more at ease as I spend and save because of the boundaries I have set for myself. Yes, I am still adjusting, and March will look different than February, but I feel I am making strides toward being a responsible steward with what God has blessed me. Budgeting has helped me see just how much I have as opposed to feeling like I am scraping by. I know, I know – I’m slow! All of you probably figured this out like, a million years ago. Better late than never!