Mike called me last night to wish me Happy Birthday. It was the fourteenth time he’d called for the day, but the first time I answered. (We’ll examine this phenomenon at a later time when I launch the new section of my website called “The Pioneer Woman Has Issues”.)

Monday, 8:54 pm

Hello?

Happy Birfday.

Awww, thank you Mikey-Poo!

What did you do today?

Well, we fed a bunch of cattle, and then we fed a bunch of horses. Then we put on our square dancin’ outfits and did a couple of do-si-dos around the living room.

Oh, Lord.

What did you do today, Mike?

Well, my l-l-l-lens popped out of my glasses, so I got me a maintenance guy to pop it back in and then I got a ride to the mall and…

Wait…hold on…what maintenance guy?

I don’t know what his name is.

No, I mean..where were you when you accosted a maintenance guy and asked him to pop your lens back in your glasses?

Duh hospital.

What were you doing at the hospital?

Eatin’ lunch.

Oh, geez Mike. Can’t you just make yourself some Ramen at home?

I CAN EAT AT DUH HOSPITAL IF I WANT TO!

Did you charge it to Dad?

(Pause)

Okay, fine. Hey, Mikey? Thank you for calling me on my birthday. My day wouldn’t have been complete if I didn’t get to talk to you.

Fanks for finally answerin’ my calls!

Mikey, I’m sorry. But I’m allergic to the phone.

Well, you d-d-don’t need to be allergic to the phone when I am callin’ you!

Why not?

Cause if I don’t get to talk wif you…I will miss talkin’ wif you.

Really, Mike? I didn’t think you cared that much.

I DO TOO CARE!

But when I invite you over to my house, you always have a better offer.

I DO NOT!

Yes you do! You always choose the fire station before me, the ambulance before me, and everyone on earth before me, which is fine, but then you want to get all indignant when I don’t jump to answer the phone every time you call.

Oh.

It’s about protecting myself, Mike.

Oh.

Aww, I’m sorry Mikey. I promise always, always, always to pick up the phone when you call me from now on, okay?

Jennifer On Thursday, January 7 at 10:13 am

You and Mike are quite a pair! Thanks for sharing.

Happy Belated Birthday Ree!

17

Dianne Sanders On Thursday, January 7 at 10:14 am

I think I love Mike!!

18

Pam B On Thursday, January 7 at 10:14 am

Ahhhh, brotherly love! Can ya feel the love? I can feel the love!
At least your brother calls you. If I want to talk to my brother I have to call him and hope he answers the phone. And I’m not even pestery about it. And I don’t ask for money. Families are soooo strange!

Ree, Happy Birthday again, and great post about Mikey. Oh Lord. LOL. That makes my heart smile. I have a quandry though my friend. After cooking almost totally from your cook book and website for over 2 months now my church is going on a 21 day FAST!!!! All fruits and veggies. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it. I think I might have to take a PW fast as well because between the pictures and the recipes your website might lead to my downfall! Unless you too want to fast with us and come up with some great suggestions for us to cook, nahhh, Marlboro man might revolt if he couldn’t have meat for 21 days. Stay groovy!

23

Esther On Thursday, January 7 at 10:16 am

Hi! Happy Birthday to the both of us…if my assumption is correct that we both were born January 7th. Should I mention now that I am turning 27 and NOT 41??? Enjoy!!!

Rebecca On Thursday, January 7 at 10:18 am

I love all of the Mike stories. They are best!

32

Janet On Thursday, January 7 at 10:19 am

I am so (sincerely) thankful that I have heard your telephone recordings because now I know exactly how you two sound in these hilarious phone conversations. Thank you for sharing. Stories about Mike make my day better!!!! And you are a horrible tease.

Laura L. On Thursday, January 7 at 10:25 am

So nice, and funny! My brother calls me to see the next time I’m making chicken parmagiana and can he come over for some.

Well, maybe not just for that…but pretty close.

46

Stephie On Thursday, January 7 at 10:26 am

I’m with #16 on Mike and #32 on the garbage can. I’m thinking of “breaking in” at my mother-in-laws to snatch the one she has: it opens on its own when you wave your hand in front of The Eye. She might notice it in my kitchen, though…

47

Heather On Thursday, January 7 at 10:26 am

Thanks for sharing your story! I laughed out loud…

48

Jessica On Thursday, January 7 at 10:26 am

There’s something very endearing about the way you tease Mike. I mean that genuinely. And I hope you had a great “birfday” too. xxx

Kaybi On Thursday, January 7 at 10:31 am

I love it!

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Jennifer K On Thursday, January 7 at 10:32 am

How fun to have a brother you can mess with like that!

62

Emily On Thursday, January 7 at 10:32 am

OK…I’m relatively new to your blog, so I had to click the link to the “intervention” post (thanks for that or I would never have known why you were supposed to send him a check )…and I love his hat…Wayne Township Fire Dept…I live in Indy (Pike Township, right next to Wayne Twp.). Oddly…the Wayne Twp Fire Dept doesn’t exist anymore…they consolidated with Indy FD. That hat may end up a collectors item.

PS – I’m allergic to the phone too…and my family hates me for it. BUT…I figure when it’s MY birthday, I’m not obligated to talk to ANYONE if I don’t want to. ;~)

63

Okie Dokie On Thursday, January 7 at 10:32 am

Ree, BTW (in case you haven’t heard) the cafeteria at the hospital in your hometown is THE place to eat these days. Good food and reasonable prices, or so I’ve heard. Yes, seriously! Mikey knows what he’s doin’!

giggle box On Thursday, January 7 at 10:33 am

I realize you were joking, but it has been my life goal to learn how to square dance. Maybe because I live in a place where nobody square dances and I like to be quirky. Or maybe I’m a gold medal square dancer just waiting to find my destiny. Is that possible? Is there Olympic square dancing? I’m clearly going to have to do some research into this. Anyway, happy birthday again!

74

Llama On Thursday, January 7 at 10:34 am

Awww..that Mike is so sweet. Happy Belated Birthday Ree…sorry it is so darned cold that celebration probably included thick socks,chattering teeth and runny noses.

Stacy On Thursday, January 7 at 10:38 am

How cute!

87

Liz On Thursday, January 7 at 10:39 am

roflmao!!!!!

88

Lori On Thursday, January 7 at 10:39 am

These conversations just make my day!

89

L Mack On Thursday, January 7 at 10:39 am

Funny! I love the relationship you and Mike have. And for what its worth, I have the same “issue” with not picking up the phone when it rings. As a matter of fact, we have a lot of the same “issues” and that’s why I LOVE reading your blog!

90

Dena L. On Thursday, January 7 at 10:41 am

How sweet, and Happy Birthday!

91

Riddler On Thursday, January 7 at 10:41 am

I love it when you talk about Mike. I hope you had a wonderful birthday.

92

Jan On Thursday, January 7 at 10:41 am

This cracks me up! My birthday is the 16th – can you have Mike call me????