11/18/2015

A crybully* student recently took to the op-ed pages of The Golden Gate Xpress, a student newspaper for San Francisco State University, to unload on the recent macro/microaggression that is burdening young feminists from achieving the academic excellence in the hermetically-sealed environment that they deserve by virtue of their valiant struggle against cis-normative masculine oppression. I of course refer to the existence of the man cave. Here is the aggrieved crybully stating her case:

While I think it’s perfectly acceptable, and even healthy, to have separate spaces where one can enjoy time alone, the gendered language around “man cave” is pretty gross. It takes a passive dig at femininity. It’s as if women are such burden that they’re restricted from that zone, while still expected to readily share all other spaces.

A man cave is essentially an emotional sanctuary for men to escape their responsibilities without the interruption of women or children. It’s as if these men are victimizing themselves and require refuge to revel in their false sense of masculinity.

Sports-related paraphernalia and wall hangings that deify cheap beer are not badges of manhood or some sort of homage to a working-class collective consciousness. They’re the makings of a shrine to big business that has man-cavers nostalgic for a time when they were happy, or actually just drunk, in front of a screen cheering on their favorite billion-dollar sports team with their once single and similarly childless friends.

Stupid, backward, unenlightened men. Your man cave isn’t a pleasant escape from life’s drudgeries where you can indulge in a world of tasty malted beverages and television images of finely-tuned athletes impressing us with their skill, dedication, and pluck. No, it’s just another sad example of the commodification of private time that would best be spent reading The Nation and Ms. magazines and coming to grips with how the brutish corporatism of your own father inculcated within you an attitude of willful ignorance of the needs of collective society as you pursue your own selfish ends. But back to the op-ed piece:

Guys should get over the feudalistic idea of a man cave allowing them to be the “lord of their manor” in a room they can call their own. It bears a juvenile likeness to a tree house with a sign that reads, “No girls allowed.”

The sewing room or craft room, to which a woman might retreat, is identified by the action that takes place there. By that token, a man cave is a place where a man devolves into a grunting subhuman that leaves sexist and racist comments on message boards, then furiously masturbates to free porn.

Oh brother, she’s on to us! Here’s her final paragraph, wrapping up her vapid ideas with a patronizing solution:

The progressive solution is allowing everyone to have his or her own space. In a household where that isn’t possible, the ever-so encumbered married man could actually leave his house. He could be free of his cave and take a walk, go to the gym, take a fishing trip, relieve his stress through meditation on a misty mountaintop in China. Man-cavers can be better than ruminating within their disgusting patriarchal myth.

I have left out a few paragraphs, but you get the general drift of the piece. Though one is sorely tempted to consider this a brilliant parody of mush-minded campus feminism, this screed is apparently pretty representative of the rest of the musings of this particular writer.

But the point of this post is not so much to showcase yet another young campus ideologue spouting stale moonbattery, it’s to call out and celebrate the commenter who left the absolutely perfect response to this twaddle. Behold, my friends, this is how it is done:

* I have decided that I much prefer the new term “crybully” to the previously-employed “social justice warrior.” The former provides an adequate sense of the contempt with which these youngsters should be held, while the latter has a ring to it that is almost noble. I plan to retire my use of SJW for the new term.

The only problem that I have with “crybully” is that a real bully is capable of beating you to a pulp, whether you resist or not. The crybullies are wholly dependent upon their victims to surrender without a fight, and could never win against actual resistance.

What’s contemptible about this behavior is that it uses our better angels against us. Manipulating the kindness of others for personal advantage, which in today’s world we see in many contexts, is a destructive behavior that promotes a callous disregard for others in its vicitms. It is hateful in a way that simple physical violence is not.

The only problem that I have with “crybully” is that a real bully is capable of beating you to a pulp, whether you resist or not. The crybullies are wholly dependent upon their victims to surrender without a fight, and could never win against actual resistance.

I don’t know. Lots of us learn the lesson that the best way to defeat a bully is to stand up to him. The bully often succeeds precisely because everyone thinks the bully can beat you to a pulp, but once you call his bluff you realize that he isn’t nearly as tough as he pretends to be. In that manner, bullies are very similar to crybullies.

What is it with the recent prevalence of the term “gross” among members of the supposedly adult SJW (=crybully, I reckon) cohort to describe things they find particularly distasteful (apparently within the doings of their conservative/Republican/Christian, etc. primary antagonists)?

First time this phenomenon really struck me was its use, several months ago, by sad cocaine Batman Affleck voicing his disagreement on B. Maher’s show with the host’s and Sam Harris’s views on Islam (can’t really stomach watching Maher’s show for too long, nor do I presently have HBO; dunno how a purported “libertarian” consistently backs BO and Sanders and digs prescribing a multitude of generally politically correct new rules; only just saw this bit on youtube soon after it aired and publicized; BM’s take on the issue of Islam is one of the few areas where I do not find the comedian’s schtick particularly tediously disingenuous and objectionable).

The term “gross” always seemed something wee kiddies in the schoolyard would employ regarding nasal mucus discharge found on the railing or what-not; didn’t seem supposedly serious adults would commonly use this term in discussing subjects that are actually important to adults.

Hope taking note of this & communicating it in this forum doesn’t substantially diminish my own aspirations to serious adulthood.

There’s this neighborhood-based social networking tool called Nextdoor. While it’s very useful for a lot of things, it attracts all the local scolds. The water scold who wants everyone to save their shower water; the animal scold who demands that all cats be kept indoors; the energy scold who goes on about holiday lights. Etc. Occasionally you get a dedicated SJW who doesn’t get the message that politics and religion are not fit topics for Nextdoor.

Recently we got a lady who was going on about her pet peeve — outdoor cats — occupying every lost-cat thread with IT’S YOUR FAULT YOU BAD PERSON posts and who would not shut up. Rafts of factoids and misbegotten statistics. When she got the predictable 10 “..and the horse you rode in on” responses, she started reporting everyone as “bullies.” Oy!

These people are massively un-self-aware. It would be almost funny if there weren’t so many of them. Luckily Nextdoor has a MUTE feature.

I hate ‘man caves.’ They’re what happens when a man allows himself to be pushed out of all the more-desirable parts of the house (that he’s probably paying the mortgage on and the utilities, too) into the basement or carport. So he takes this pile of lemons, installs comfortable furniture and a big TV and a fridge and makes the best of his emasculation. And this snowflake wants to chase him into his place of exile carrying a big pair of scissors and cut off his…

The term “gross” always seemed something wee kiddies in the schoolyard would employ regarding nasal mucus discharge found on the railing or what-not; didn’t seem supposedly serious adults would commonly use this term in discussing subjects that are actually important to adults.

Welcome, another fellow from the Philly area. I hope you make commenting here a habit.

Notice how “gross” is a description that is highly subjective and based mostly upon a visceral reaction? Isn’t that quite a bit similar to how the crybullies define “racism” or “justice” or “fairness”? I have been in a back-and-forth with several progressive friends about the President’s desire to bring in 100,000 allegedly Syrian refugees. As near as I can fathom, their arguments seem to boil down to the idea that we caused the mess in the Middle East and that taking in the refugees will make us feel much better about ourselves. To me it’s really empty moral preening devoid of much rational thought, but because it satisfies their desire to feel noble and virtuous they feel empowered to demand that the rest of us expose ourselves to the attendant risk. The point I am driving at (the long way, admittedly) is that modern progressivism seems to be all about increasing one’s own self-esteem rather than trying to rationalize matters through the lens of history.

There’s this neighborhood-based social networking tool called Nextdoor. While it’s very useful for a lot of things, it attracts all the local scolds.

Oh God, Kevin M, I just sit back and laugh myself hoarse reading all of the posts and comments from my Nextdoor feed. It really opened my eyes to why people like Hillary! Clinton enjoy pretty broad support; people in my neighborhood are apparently every bit as petty, vindictive, pompous, vain, insufferable, entitled, and obnoxious as she is.

I s’pose the computer room — all 6′ x 9′ of it — could be considered my “man cave,” in that the wimminfolk all use their laptops, but that’s it. We could afford another, but make do just fine with one television, and if someone else got it first and is watching something which doesn’t interest me, I’m fine with that.

Yourself and the good MD from Philly are two of my favorite comment providers here (not to exclude the host, of course, plus guest contributors, and a bunch of other worthy folks from across the USA [e.g. Steve57, etc.] – it’s why I’m a fan, after all!); and it’s very chauvinistically pleasing that some good and clear-headed political thinkin’ can still be found in this region, despite electoral indications that we’re quite swamped by people with generally opposing views.

Critiques in a previous thread today supplied against issuance from person identifying as DavidWilson were, in my view, rather devastating to his muddled contentions, and thus particularly appreciated; and an example of why I continue to seek out this site again & again – thanks all!

When I was growing up it didn’t really seem that men of my dad’s generation had what we would consider to be man caves. Mostly, as I recall, they had a home office which consisted of a big desk, a comfy chair, maybe a small couch, perhaps a TV, a bookcase with tomes covering military history and sports, a couple of issues of Playboy discretely tucked away, and perhaps a small bar. The moms had a sewing or crafts room that may or may not have housed the washer and dryer. Dads also probably had a hobby room in the garage or down in the basement.

But in this day and age, as more women work outside of the home, it seems to me that the home office is now coed (which means, of course, that it is decorated by the woman) and shared by the two. The sewing and crafts room as been turned into a guest bedroom or a playroom for the kids. I guess this is why man caves has sprouted up, because no one has a hobby room any longer and the man needs one last place to hang his signed photo of Julius Erving. Also, now that TVs are inexpensive, we have moved from the day when the family had a 18″ color Sylvania set in the family room and dad had an old 13″ RCA in his office to the era of the 72″ HD set in the family room, 48″ HD sets in every other room, and the giant 96″ projection screen in the man cave. Progress, I suppose?

On reflection, the problem is that SJWs are a relatively small subset of the crybullies. SJWs are crybullies with a specific redistributionist ethos. Crybullying is sometimes referred to as the appeal to pity (or sympathy) fallacy.

Not overlooking, and hopefully related to your broader point: but I would say your description of “visceral” is the operative term in providing more solid grounding to what I was trying to communicate in the previous comment. I figure this may also have somewhat direct connection to the (in my view) recently mis-applied expansion of the term “shitty” (please forgive me, those who object to the use of such language).

“Sh*tty” seems to be frequently employed by folks across the political spectrum, but maybe people closer to my perspective on things find it kind of unsavory when it is applied (as I believe I have recently seen it done via the i-net) equally to both the experience of being targeted for extermination by Islamists while innocently enjoying a rock band performance in a Paris music club and the experience of receiving an unsatisfactory cup of coffee in a local beverage shop. The two experiences are not quite equal in quality of gravity, and the use of the same descriptive term to characterize (despite the fact that words are so often used in different contexts) both seems to indicate a lack of being able to make such weighted distinctions on multiple levels.

I suppose it may speak to a tendency to reduce one’s consideration of things and events to a near-infantile outlook centered around/defined by basic human functions and, dare I say, a close-to-hypochondriac fixation on having one’s own self (and with it, also one’s basic sense of what is “fair” and “just,” as you say) exposed to even the possibility/proximity of such “yucky” influences from other people. Mancaves are = to “cooties”, or somesuch.

Not sure if I thought this point all the way through, leaving loose threads and implications un-addressed, etc.) but I wanted to offer a stab at it anyway, since I still have elevated enthusiasm from my 1st post. Hope this one positively contributes to the discussion.

I think that’s an entirely valid observation, another fellow from the Philly area. It seems today that many of our fellow citizens — especially the young (but there I go again being an old grump) — fall back on a very short list of words to describe their observations, mostly because they have a limited and puerile vocabulary. Today we were treated to the news that the Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year is — get ready for this — not actually a word as we know it, but an emoji. Well, civilization was fun while it lasted.

The sewing room or craft room, to which a woman might retreat, is identified by the action that takes place there.

Seriously? Who’s insulting women now?? The sewing room or craft room?? My favorite retreat place when the boys were all roughhousing with their dad and being LOUD and male was inside the SUV parked in the driveway under the shade of a giant California redwood, glass of chardonnay in hand, and a good book to read. And if all went well, the rabble-rousers would be indefatigable and mama also got a delicious nap out of the deal.

What other circumventions of law, morality, science, and dignity do they expect?

n.n.,

I think women simply want their way. In everything. To not have it all, is to be denied it all. Think of the two-year old who wants – and demands – his way all the time. We, as adults, understand that if the two-year old got everything they wanted, they would grow up to be very unattractive people that very few would want to be around, let alone love and marry. Thus, we say “no” to them.

Just picture women like the two year old. A man-cave tells them no. And the writer stomps her little feet. But is she stomping them because she’s being told no, or is it something else altogether: I think she is stomping her little feet in a pique because she takes the man-cave personally – just like girls tend to do when they feel rejected by a man. Perhaps it’s less about caveman mentality and more about women just being women (emotionally driven and taking the innocuous personally because hurt feelings…)

Great to hear from you “AFFP”,
we’re starting to tip the political landscape in the region,
maybe we’ll have to do a face to face sometime
(not including people from DE)

Not so seriously, my “man-cave” is a dirty basement where I do projects that gives my wife emotional distress looking at the chaos. My father’s generation it was a “den” smoke-filled, TV with a ball game, smoke, and pinochle,
while the women were in the k* (room that shall not be named) but they did have shoes on.

Sane people must do something with injustice, if they can’t face the real problems with real debate,
they substitute it for something else,
like people who are pro-abortion and even pro-infanticide going berserk over animal rights,
or people complaining about “microaggressions” while people are being crucified, having heads cut off, and kidnapped and forced into sex slavery (oh, but they did do a hashtag campaign…)

There’s a lid for every pot. Boys are dumber than girls, so I imagine she’ll find hers, and they might even be happy together. My father told me once “The worst woman in the world for everybody else might turn out to be the best woman in the world for you”.

Yo! another fellow from the Philly area. All we need is one more and we can officially throw batteries at leftists.
Northeast Philly born and bred here – just happen to be currently paying the bills working in Beijing. Go Birds!

The group of Syrian men was held late on Tuesday in the Honduran capital of Tegucigalpa on arrival from Costa Rica and they were planning to head to the border with neighboring Guatemala. The passports had been doctored to replace the photographs with those of the Syrians, police said.

” It is assumed that they brought false documents(…) Passports were stolen in Greece (…)” said Anibal Baca, spokesman for Police Investigations Department (PID).
“They came directly from Syrian with different flights to Honduras,” he added.After summoning officials from the Greek embassy, it was determined that the men did not know any Greek.
Outside of the current Syrian migrant crisis, Honduras is facing troubles with hundreds of Cuban refugees who have come through their land on their way to try to get to the U.S.
Cuban refugees carrying legal Costa Rican visas are being banned from moving through Honduras by the Honduran military. Reportedly, tear gas and water cannons have been used to push back the refugees from trying to get through.

womansplaining
In other words, typical female verbal abuse toward men and husbands in particular.
Best defense is selective hearing.

…the ever-so encumbered married man could actually leave his house. He could be free of his cave and take a walk, go to the gym, take a fishing trip, relieve his stress through meditation on a misty mountaintop in China.
Yeah, right. Once permission from the wife is obtained, usually preceded by a lot of “womansplaining.”

The reason why some men build their man caves is that, in a lot of homes, other than the garage you can’t tell a man even lives there. A man cave is a single place where he gets to decide how the room looks and how it’s used. It’s often located in the least desirable part of the house such as a partially finished basement, but damnit, it’s his.

the kitchen once may have been a retreat, but now all this “open plan” architecture means the whole house is in the kitchen.

If you could just send your kids outside to play in the neighborhood without fear of someone calling CPS, and the house actually had numerous separate rooms with doors you wouldn’t need a man cave. You could just sit in the living room.

It did and my Grandma for her part asserted that the kitchen was hers along. One could keep the food smells out of the furniture, skip a meal or two without washing every dish, reserve the loud appliance sounds to one room in the house, and keep guests and their food, where they belonged; they ate in the dining room and chatted in the living room. Entertaining meant providing guests a good meal and good conversation – not enlisting them as kitchen helpers.

Here’s the problem. Where ever men gather amongst themselves, women want to be there but where ever women gather amongst themselves, you will never find men clamoring to get in. This fact drives women crazy. What women really is men to want them as much as they want men. I had this realization when I was a girl, around 8. Nothing in the subsequent 40 years has changed my mind.

Mancaves only exist because women treat the rest of the house as their domain. Is she going to let him watch a hockey game when one of her shows is on? Can he display his sports memorabilia or guitars in the living room?

How many men have been told by their wives that a friend of the husband is not welcome in her house?

Is there even one man willing to tell his wife that one of her friends isn’t welcome in their house?

I am a residential architect and the pattern goes like this. First meeting – husband and wife discuss the project and their wants and wishes. They each get to make a list of their own. The only two things he wants are his own library and a great big TV. Second meeting – budget has determined that she gets everything she wants. His library will have to be smaller. But he can keep his own library and she has no say as to how it is done. Third meeting – she thinks the chair that he really likes is ugly and needs to be recovered. He lets her do this to avoid a fight. But just the chair. At this point decisions don’t necessarily happen in meetings but can happen in emails…

Since she is doing his chair, it has to match everything in his library so she is going to make some changes.
She has replaced the chair ( not comfortable and it reminded him of college anyway where he had a girlfriend that she hates )
Since the chair is not gone, might as well just do the whole room over. But he will love it.
Her mother complains that there is a TV in every room. Why can’t there be just one room where there is no TV? This room. And this can be the room where the couple can talk over things after the kids go to bed.
So…NO TV.

His room is now her room to use with him, if she wants.

He has spent a ton of money on a house that he did not want, giving her the kitchen of her dreams ( she doesn’t cook that much ), the kids their own rooms with bathrooms, a home office for her, homework space for the kids.

The only thing he wanted was a place to watch TV. He does not get this.

But he gets…the privilege of paying for it all.

And this woman thinks he should just go out and take a walk.

Well, one day he will and he won’t come back.

Except then he will be paying the same amount of money but living by himself in a crappy studio apartment.

Some women insist on every single thing in a home being exactly as she wants it and others happily view homemaking all as a joint effort and want things the way that he likes, too. But there is NO downside for her if there is a way for him to have his own space. Be it for beer and football games or computers or a hobby. Any sane woman given adequate finances and a choice would make absolutely certain that he had a nice space, roomy and comfortable, all his own. If nothing else it means that projects aren’t undertaken in the middle of the living room. It also means that there is a safe place to put his stuff, even if it’s just to keep it out of the hands of small children, and makes cleaning house a million times easier. Really, NO downside.

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