Adventures of the SGAA Brigade

Junior Year Session 6: Suddenly, Whale Dicks. Thousands of Them!

Or, Rook Jumps the (Land) Shark

Game summary by Rook3769. Have an XP for your trouble! Although, I don’t remember there being that many whale dick references in the game…. O.o

The time was eleven on a Saturday morning, which was very early for Memphis. As he lay in bed, a knocking sound woke the satyr. After ignoring it for a moment, Memphis looked around the room for the sound. On the floor, he saw a small crab wearing a beret, monocle, and mustache.

Upon being questioned, the crab revealed himself to be Spymaster Clousteau , master spymaster for the Coral Archipelago. He was sent by acting-queen Skyla to give Memphis and his crew a letter of marque to act as pirates for her. Their mission was to intercept and prevent a treaty from reaching a man known as Levi Macklan, which was being delivered by the infamous and not Dick Tracy villains, the Murkwater Gang. Skyla also had a personal letter to goat-man-do slipped into the marque letter. Memphis gladly accepted his mission from his lady lust and thus began to round up his crew.

Memphis first called Raz. Then he called Rook and Sam. He also called Lord Darkshire, but he was indisposed with Anastasia and a D&D game. Memphis then went to Brytta’s house to pick her up and leave her parents with a badly amusing impression. Raz called Mindy just as Memphis, Brytta, Rook and Sam arrived at his place. Memphis explained the situation to the group, then they went to pick up a pirate-ready-matey of a Mindy.

During this time, Rook did his usual text to Bella to check if she was involved with what the SGAA was going against. The troll asked her if she was involved with pirates. She responded with a confused reply, to which Rook merely responded with the words, “arrrrrrr matey.” Little did Rook know Bella was in the middle of writing a slash fic involving Captain Jack Sparrow and the Dredd Pirate Roberts. The line she just finished was “Though he said arrr matey, what he really meant was, I love you.”

The crab mentioned the meeting was to take place at Deadman’s Ridge, which also seemed to be timed to occur when one of the infamous local street races occur. So, the group went there first to investigate. Rook stopped on the way to grab a map. The SGAA members eventually came to a rock outcropping that would make for both a good hiding place and a good ambush site.

The group climbed up the rock to scout out the area above. Raz fell slightly behind, but caught up later. After walking a bit, the group came across a large creek. The Glamour around it was off, so Memphis asked the crab to check how deep the water is. The crab went in, and a few minutes later the crab rushed back out, almost getting eaten by a huge shark thingy.

Brytta then ordered Sacen to go investigate, which he did. Soon he came back up with a dead barracuda/pirana thing. He confirmed that there be monsters in the water. Upon closer examination it was determined that the barrier between reality and the dreaming was very thin in this spot. So the group naturally stopped to make a fire, cook lunch and eat. Though Sacen got sushi for his part.

The next stop the group made is at Fat Tony’s. The group minus Rook and Sam went there. Memphis went to talk to Tony while the rest ate cannolis made by his wife, who preferred everyone calling her Momma. Rook and Sam drove around town looking for anything suspicious, but found nothing.

Memphis talked to fat Tony to exchange information. The satyr told him about Levi and the deal he is making with the Murkwater Gang, which Tony confirmed that is indeed their actual name. The news was new to Tony, which he told Memphis if he found anything out, let him know. Memphis also learned the town knows the Murkwater Gang as drug-running Columbians. After he finished his talk with Tony he left, grabbed some to-go-boxes of cannolis, then the SGAA regrouped.

The next place the group researched was at Levi’s bowling alley. They bowled a few pins while listening in, except for Mindy. She seemed to play a mixture of calvin ball and shuffleboard. They didn’t hear anything too useful, and left shortly after Levi.

The group decided to stop the transfer during the race. Rook and Sam would set up back at the rock outcropping with boxed lunch to await for any surprises during the race. Memphis, Raz, Mindy, and Brytta went to check on the racer dreamers that the satyr and nocker had cultivated, then head for the beginning of the race.

McGee and Selma were at their usual place, doing last minute checks and prep for the coming race. Raz spoke to McGee, checking the car out and giving his dreamer some minor advice. Memphis spoke to Selma, giving her some warnings about the race possibly being a little weird. Both dreamers seemed to be set, so Memphis, Brytta, Mindy and Raz left to do some prep of their own.

The plan was to use the chimerical car of awesomeness that Raz and Memphis had been working on, which was stashed in the Dreaming. Memphis called Fat Tony to have him sponsor the satyr as a racer. Though the plan was that Memphis would show up as the Stig, a legendary racer from Top Gear. Memphis would also retrieve the car from its location in the Dreaming.

To quote a famous ninja dog historian who wrote about the famous consort of Queen Skyla many years after her reign, “ The car looks like the quintessential hot rod. If you ask someone what model it is they will always think it is whatever their favorite is. Not that they each see different things, but they each see what the andy want and fail to grasp the entirety. As for its paint job, it appears matte black from a distance, but a closer inspection will reveal that it is actually closer to a star field. Black but with tiny, brilliant colored lights glowing in the depths. It has a flame pattern that runs down both sides of the car created by some of the most vibrant colors seen in the Autumn realm. The colors twist and move before your very eyes, though mortals think it nothing more than a trick of the light. That is our mighty steed. A mere look at its true majesty has been known to crush the minds of lesser men. Some whisper that after beholding her, all you can do is curse your luck as you will never be satisfied with a vehicle again, as everything falls short of the perfection that you had the honor and tragedy of seeing.”

After Memphis retrieved the car, Raz would drive it up to the race. The Nocker would call upon the Wyrd, which would disguise Raz from the crowd and make the car real. Meanwhile Memphis blackmailed assistance from Anastasia and Darkshire and was able to grab a Stig-like-suit from the Drama room at the school.

At the start line of the race, Mindy and Raz worked the crowd for info, though Mindy strangely enough had more success despite the makeup of the crowd being against her usual grain. Raz excused himself to call on the Wyrd, drove the car up to the line with Brytta in the back seat, and introduce the Stig to music from the car. Then Memphis walked slowly from the woods to the car, with slow murmurs building from the crowd.

Minutes later the Murkwater Gang/Columbians pulled beside the SGAA car. The Columbians looked like obvious evil merfolk and their car was made of quite a many of Whale Dick unfinely sculpted to look like a shark. Both Raz and Memphis noticed that Levi nodded suspiciously at the Columbians. The noticeable racers in the final line-up are Stig/Memphis, Selma, the Columbians, Levi, and long time veteran, The Meach.

With the participants in place, the race started. Memphis immediately took the lead, followed by the gaggle of whale dicks. Brytta attempted to sain the dick of whale’s tire, but the name was a quite complicated one, especially for something of whale dick nature. Plus the shock of Mindy appearing in the back seat suddenly was distracting.

Meanwhile Rook and Sam awaited on the bike at the outcropping. The noise of dirt bikes got closer. Just before the source appeared, Rook activated the Dragon’s Ire. This caused the dirt bikes to slow down as they passed the rock, turning around to look at the pair. Five dirt bikes with thallain merfolk were awaiting Rook and Sam’s reasoning. Rook bantered back, then broke a mirror to activate his Mirror images cantrip. Four copies of Rook, Sam and bike appeared. Both sides clashed soon after, with Rook killing one of the merfolk right off the bat, launching the poor sod in midair.

Back at the race, Memphis kept the lead. Brytta sained some more and got the name of the tire, but she unfortunately only made it deflate slightly. The Columbians launched a land shark at the car, though Brytta ordered Sacen to keep it at bay, which he did for the moment. Raz then created a FUBAR, then sent it after the Columbian dicks.

Meanwhile Rook and Sam battled with the dirt bikers continue. One managed to nick Rook with a glancing blow. Though both Rook and Sam missed their targets.

Memphis continued to keep the lead, trying not to get hit by the landshark. Raz then climbed on top of the car and began cursing up a storm at the whale dicks that barely resembled a car.. The combo of his words and the FUBAR in the pile of whale dicks caused the Columbians to explode spectacularly. Selma managed to catch up with Memphis during this madness. Brytta had some luck further deflating the whalecar dicktire, but the explosion made her effort null. Meanwhile, the Rook/Sam versus the others fight continued, but everyone misses their mark.

Then Brytta got on hood to sain Memphis’s car name before fubar interference. The FUBAR then attacked the satyr’s car, causing it to start missing and slow down, with the other racers passing it and the landshark still a threat. Raz began constructing a cage for the FUBAR. Then when the landshark was about to attack again, a random dirt biker drove straight into its mouth helping Sacen with the parry.

Annoyed that the fight was taking longer than expected, Rook decided to test some of his newly learned from Krahe knowledge. He activated the level 3 cantrip of Contempt on the dirt bikes to cause them to riot against his enemies. One bike drove immediately off the ridge. A second bike crashed into the rock wall. A third just fell to pieces, leaving the biker alive. The fourth drove off toward the racers, and into the landsharks mouth. Rook then told the other guy it was probably time to leave, which caused the merfolk to run in terror.

Sam and Rook then drove toward the race. As the pair arrived, they saw the rest of the SGAA lagging behind. Memphis managed to pull the FUBAR out of the engine and into Raz’s newly formed cage. Brytta had finished naming the car not only back to normal, but FASTER.

Sacen was still holding off the landshark. Rook drove by them and toward the shark to jump it. Sam struck first, then Rook right on top of her blow, killing it utterly. Afterward, Rook tried to use quicksilver on the car, but failed.

But, Memphis succeeded greatly with his Quicksilver. That, combined with Brytta’s efforts caused the race to be child’s play. They raced past everyone and finished first. Then Memphis started doing a donut to start his disappearance/portal passage cantrip, with smoke effects provided by Raz. The car soon disappeared and landed into legend. Selma was second place. Levi was third and the Meach was fourth.

Memphis, Mindy, Brytta and Raz soon came back to reality in the woods and walked out to ask what happened. They pumped up the legend even more and made sure Levi did not have the treaty. After the excitement calmed down, memphis and his crew went back to the Columbian wreckage. The crab was annoyed that the treaty was destroyed, but Mindy was able to use her Chronos art to repair the document.

With the treaty intact, the crab was pleased. Memphis gave the crab a letter for Skyla. Raz and Mindy also wrote one for Ruby. With that, the crab scuttled off, and the pirate mission was complete, albeit with the smell of burnt whale dick in the air.