Tuesday, April 02, 2013

What does Your Easy Yoke Feel Like?

"Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle
and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS." For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11: 29, 30.

To want to follow because someone has loved you, and you spuriously desire to do what they desire, is somewhat of a foreign concept to me. My husband said that I was raised under law, not grace, and maybe that is the reason why I am lacking in this understanding.
I was told what to do, and expected to do it without question. I know my parents loved me to the best of their ability, and that was by teaching me right from wrong. I raised my children under the same pretext, and for many years held myself in judgement because of that. God has freed me from guilt by forgiving me. I still see through a glass darkly, though, when trying to understand what, being raised in an environment of grace, would have looked like. I think the above Scripture may be a part of it.
There was alot of expectations in my upbringing, with pressure. Atleast that's how I saw it, and it's how I felt it. As a result, I developed anxieties and fears. I never really knew if I measured up, and I tied "my being accepted" in with that in my mind. I was the type person who observed what was expected, and tried to walk the walk so that I wouldn't get in trouble. Whenever, one of my parents got mad at me, my subconcsious mind, registered that as rejection of me. Consequently, I didn't feel loved.
Today, God is delivering me slowly of the wounds of rejection, and replacing the understanding that He totally accepts me, and will never reject me based on my poor performance. Believing this is extra hard, since this wasn't felt by me growing up, in the rule-based environment. I am so grateful that He is "restoring the years the locusts ate" as a result of my childhood.
But, I am still sensitive to other people's anger towards me. My being has been so used to responding with feelings of rejection , fear and guilt when that happens. The old programming says that if someone gets mad at me, than I must have done something wrong. I still need further deliverance in this area, but I must say that this false belief is slowly fading, by the healing power of God on the inside of me.
I'm wondering what an "easy yoke" feels like. I know that God wants me to trust Him and follow in His ways, but whenever something seems like a "rule" the old me naturally thinks in terms of "oppression," (hard and fast expectations and shaming consequences if it is not done right) which is anything but easy. So, there have been many entanglements built inside of me which God has been faithful to undo, and I know that He will continue to until I am totally cleansed and made right.
Not that there aren't rules when raising children, but it's the spirit in which they are conveyed. "The law brings death, but the Spirit gives life." This Spirit is full of kindness and accepting love, which if given, causes the one who receives it to want to follow the One who gives it. Parents who have His Spirit and relate to their children with that kind of love, demonstrate to them, who He is. That is one of the most important things a parent can do to, and for their children, I believe.
I truly want to be in that place of knowing God in the way He speaks of Himself in the Scripture above. I want to know what it feels like to be yoked with Him and it feel easy and light; to know His love for me to a degree of being able to relax in Him and rest in my soul. Come, Lord Jesus.