Because funny was born in a tract home.

Married Sex

“Ah, the four most romantic words I’ve ever heard,” I said and rolled my eyes at my husband.

“So does that mean I have a chance?” he said with a suggestive lift of his eyebrows.

“I can’t believe you said that,” I told him.

“What? I’m a man with needs, you’re a woman with needs…”

“Not that. I don’t believe there’s nothing on TV. Did you check the Food Network? What about HGTV? Isn’t House Hunters on tonight?” I said.

“It’s the one where that lady goes and looks at houses with her dog shoved in her purse,” my husband said. “We’ve already seen it and besides, I know how you feel about purse dogs.”

“I just don’t get it. I mean, I put a lot of stuff in my purse but I draw the line at pets. Purses are for essentials like wallets and lip gloss, not things that bark,” I said. “Aren’t there any shows on about Alaska?”

“No, I would have never suggested we do it if something about Alaska was on,” my husband said without an ounce of sarcasm.

“We could watch that show about the family with nineteen kids,” I suggest.

“No.”

“What about the show about the guy with four wives?” I ventured.

“No.”

“Okay, what about the show where twenty women fight to the death over the one guy handing out roses?” I asked.

“Do they really fight to the death?” he asked, his curiosity piqued.

“It’s more of a metaphor, but I think they get really bitchy,” I said.

“Definitely no,” he said. “We could watch that show about how they make things. There’s one about how they make cast iron skillets.”

“No,” I said as I grabbed the remote control and starting clicking through channels.

“There’s got to be some kind of alien, super hero, military, robot, explosion based movie on,” he said.

“Definitely no,” I said. “Remember when I watched that movie with you? What was it—Aliens Attack People: The Sequel? I had nightmares for a month.”

“I don’t think that’s an actual movie title,” he replied.

“That wasn’t the name of the movie, it was the plot,” I countered.

“That was a good movie! Is that one on?” he said, completely missing the point.

“There really is nothing on TV,” I said with a sigh.

“We could go do it,” my husband said again.

“So that’s it? This is your A-game? No flowers, no music? You think it’s just that easy?”

“Yep,” he said confidently.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you love me and I love you,” he said with a big grin.

“I can’t argue with that logic. Let’s go,” I said.
Ten minutes later, we’re back to channeling surfing. We found a new episode of House Hunters. It was the perfect night.