Monthly Archives: June 2013

Two weeks ago, I posted on biting. It was a post that I had tried to write for a while but just kept running out of time and into other issues. However, things have shifted and I’ve noticed/learned a few things recently that I wanted to share.

Because I can tell that you’re on the edge of your seat, let me do away with the suspense and say that yes, Elisabeth is biting less. Now, I have a feeling this will, yes come back and bite me (haha) but I’m going to write it here anyway. You may remember that we last left out with me troubled by Elisabeth’s biting…in more ways than one, but vowing to continue to breastfeed because I knew that it was still very healthy choice, that babies don’t generally self-wean before 18 months and perhaps the most important thing for me: Elisabeth seemed to still want to nurse. But I also know that I needed some extra support so I reached out to a soon-to-be IBCLC certified lactation consultant, Julie. Julie gave me a few tips which I tried:

Distractions-I mentioned in my first post that distractions sometimes worked with Elisabeth but I decided to amp things up a bit. Yes, call me crazy but when she asks to nurse and it’s not bedtime or naptime, I give her one of my really cool pens to play with. The cap is screwed on tight but there’s something about the colors, shape and feel of them that she loves so and because her mouth is already full (ha!) I don’t worry about it getting swallowed or bitten. When she’s done, I take it away. WIN! I’ve also been handing Elisabeth off to my husband, especially when I know she’s bored. This has helped “prioritize” the nursing a bit more so no nursing out of boredom or just because a breast is there. These pieces have made a BIG difference.

Offering solids– This got away from me a bit in our first week here.

“does clover count as a solid?”

I would offer something to Elisabeth, she would said “no” and scooted away and I became discouraged. Here also, I amped up this area big time. I put out a plate with at least 3 different options on it, say a pear slice, a cracker and a carrot. And I just left it out for her. This seemed to work. Occasionally Elisabeth would get so distracted b her play that she’d forget about the plate so I showed it to her and she’d take a bit of cracker or apple and work on it for a bit. I also amped up the different options of foods. Whereas at home we’d have plain yogurt with cinnamon, here we do fruit yogurt and she loves it. She has also been eating traditional zwieback, Wasa crackers, rice cakes and a multi-grain cracker, along with the usual fruits (strawberries, grapes, blueberries, etc.) and vegs (carrots, cukes, the occasional tomato)

I’ve also realized (duh) that Elisabeth only knows to ask to breastfeed when she’s hungry. She doesn’t understand yet that food can come from other places. I started to be more conscious of that fact while also remembering that she is still getting the bulk of her nutrition from me. This juggle in mindfulness has allowed me to relax a bit when it comes to the kinds of foods she eats. I have struggled with wanting to get as many veggies and fruits in her as I can. While that’s still important, I also know that sometimes a croissant in the morning seems to soothe the hunger bit more than a piece of pear. That’s me all over! And Elisabeth will always devour a pear, apple or 6 strawberries over 1/2 a mini croissant so I don’t need to worry as much in this area.

Remember those hot days we had in week #2 here? Well, that was also around the time of a lot of biting and nursing. Because breastmilk is 88% water, Elisabeth comes to me to breastfeed because she’s thirsty! Once I “remembered” this, I started to give her water bottle sippy more often. That also helped on the constant demand to nurse and the subsequent bites that came in the process. I’ve always been a bit wary of “too much water” (filling her up but adding no nutritional value, etc.) but Elisabeth is over a year now and she is getting plenty of real food and breastmilk so small amounts of water isn’t a problem.

Lastly, it has helped me to remember that breastfeeding is a form of comfort, not just nutrition for Elisabeth. When there is so much upheaval (travel, stress, etc.) she comes to me to nurse because she feels safe there. The breastfeeding has been the constant since minute #2 of her life and it’s what is most familiar. As our days became more routine here, the constant “need” to nurse became less and the biting also subsided.

Things don’t ever seem to stay status quo for long with Elisabeth but for now, I’m just feeling grateful for where we are today: no bites & a good size piece of apple devoured.

I’ve worried occasionally while we are here in Germany that someone might say something about Elisabeth and I might not understand. Or that she falls and I’m not able to communicate to emergency personnel. It’s a feeling of helplessness that I recognize from its periodic haunts. But after a recent episode here, I realized that language may perhaps be over-rated.

My husband, Elisabeth and I were at playground near busy Bismarckplatz on Saturday. She’s only a year old and isn’t walking yet so what we can actually “play” on is slightly limited. Elisabeth loves to swing though. So we waited for one to free up. Behind us there were four boys playing soccer. It seemed like a pretty foolish place to play, in so tightly packed a playground. The soccer ball flew past us a few times, causing me to curse under my breath and mutter to my husband that he, the native German, would need to say something if that ball came anywhere near her again.

Elisabeth’s turn on the swing came and my husband pushed her higher and higher, which she absolutely loves. She laughed uproariously and kicked her little legs. There is nothing like a good swing on a sunny day to make you feel like all is right with the world. It’s a calming, peaceful act, the lull of being belted into a small swing and launched into the fresh air. There were other children in line waiting for the swing, however, so we finished our turn and headed to a large light green Jeep.

The Jeep is a silly thing. It’s painted with amusing drawings and is only an embarrassed shell of its former self but it has a wobbly seat and a steering wheel to it’s really quite cool. There’s also something about the largeness of it that makes it appealing. Just as my husband started to lower Elisabeth into the seat, the soccer-playing crowd of boys started to launch themselves onto the back of the Jeep, laughing wildly. I was furious. “Whoa, whoa,” I yelled. “Kinder! Take it easy.” I looked pointedly at the lead boy. He looked back but had the sense to quickly look down and away when he saw my anger. I have no idea if he spoke any English but he knew that I meant business. The boys scampered away from the Jeep and my husband put Elisabeth into the driver seat. I took a few pictures to document the hilarity for future laughs.

I learned two good lessons that day:

Even (especially?) if you’re a parent, never wait for someone else to step in. They might not and it might be your kid that gets hurt, physically or emotionally.

And #2:

You don’t always have to speak the language to show people, especially kids, that you won’t tolerate their actions.

Maybe I had a fear that one of their parents might come over and tell me not to yell at their kids. More likely I was just waiting for my husband to yell at them. But that’s not his way. A confrontation, an advocacy, the need to right a wrong usually falls into my parenting camp, not his. That’s okay; I’m way better at it than he is anyway. Someday, when Elisabeth is older she will be embarrassed at her old mom yelling at other kids. Not that day though. That Saturday I think we were all happier that I did.

Whenever anyone uses the word “doula”, we automatically think of birth doulas but there is another kind of doula: the post partum doula. Post-partum doulas are experts in what’s normal with the newborn. They specialize in helping the new family become confident and competent with their new baby. Sounds good but is this really important in the scheme of things? I think so. Here are five reasons why:

Is a quiet baby a “good” baby? Some people may say “yes” but researchers know that crying is not necessarily bad. Babies cry because they have something to tell us. But new parents can fear the crying often because they don’t know what it means. A post-partum doula teaches new parents to recognize the cues that the baby is sending them (such as crying) as well as how to soothe an upset baby.

“Every 9th woman presenting for prenatal care reports having experienced childhood sexual abuse.” These survivors are also not often asked about their abuse by a healthcare provider but they are at greater risk for post-partum mood disorders. A post-partum doula is not only trained in how to recognize baby’s cues but also cues such that the new mom can be giving.

Whether the new baby is your 1st, 2nd or 4th, breastfeeding is tough! It shouldn’t ever hurt but new moms can sometimes forget that fact in their zeal to do the right thing for their baby. A post-partum doula helps moms get off to the best start with breastfeeding by providing hands-on support to help ensure a good latch, troubleshoot problems that arise and teach parents how to assess if baby is getting enough to eat.

As a new mom, I had prepared for the emotional aspect of childbirth and that it would likely be painful. What I hadn’t prepared for is the pain after the fact that went on and on! My head spun with questions that a post-partum doula can not only answer but also provide reassure and refer for further support. When you’re sleep-deprived, struggling with breastfeeding and in pain, informed support from an expert is just what the new mom needs.

The experience of giving birth can be very traumatic…even if a woman has exactly the birth that she had imagined. There is always pain and exhaustion and sometimes other emotions or experiences come up that were unexpected. A post-partum doula can help the new mother process the birth experience so she can come to terms with what happened while also accepting the praise and kudos she deserves.

Want to learn more? Leave a comment below (confidential until approved) and I’ll get back to you.

I’m currently accepting clients who are due in September, October and November. Leave me a comment (confidential until I approve it) and we can set up a time for your 30 minute free consult.

Slightly over a month ago, Elisabeth started biting. Sometimes by clamping down hard, sometimes just a little nip. And, yes, it is that you’re thinking: she’s biting my nipple. And yes, it’s as unexpectedly painful as you can imagine or remember.

But Elisabeth bites my husband too, usually on the shoulder, sometimes on the leg. She bites me in those places too. But I get the brunt of those choppers, all four of them, because I’m the one feeding her. Her biting doesn’t coincide with new teeth, our trip, or any other trigger that I could think of. Those body bites have given rise to my theory that she’s getting older and has learned that we don’t always understand what she wants, when she wants it and so she bites.Elisabeth knows something will happen when she bites us. We might give her Sophie teether, her banana toothbrush, a sippy cup with smoothie or some real food like apple, a teething biscuit, chopped grapes or an apricot.

But when Elisabeth bites me during feeding, something happens then too. When I can, I try and pick her up and put her down on the floor with a “no bite” sound. The words are basically useless because Elisabeth is too young to understand and an angry tone in my voice doesn’t faze her in the least. Neither, truthfully, does putting her down most of the time. She might scoot away or start to laugh but I don’t think she really gets it. The stories of moms whose babies/toddlers have understood right away that their action was not okay blows me away. Really? Who are these babies?? Maybe Elisabeth isn’t as sensitive to the injured, firm tone in my voice at this point. Regardless, my feeding her does stop, even if temporarily.

Elisabeth often bites when she’s nursing, usually at the end of her nursing. Sometimes it’s like a punctuation mark, as if to say, “Done!”. That’s puzzling because she didn’t always need to announce herself in such a stinging way. Occasionally distractions work. I giver Elisabeth her lovey to work with, hum a song to her or if it isn’t bedtime, sometimes I tell her a story in a sing-song voice with made-up words. I pat her back, smooth her sweaty hair and stroke her arms. Sometimes I keep distractions to a minimum and sometimes I amp them up, depending on when and where she is nursing. In very busy or new places, biting is less, I’ve noticed. In the usual spots, biting increases. Boredom and over-tiredness, too, seem to be important factors.

It’s incredible to me how much of our behavior is learned. Elisabeth has no modesty and would scoot around the house naked if she could. When modesty is learned, I don’t know. Knowing our culture of the sexualization of young girls though, I suspect those days aren’t as far off as they were when I was small. Most of us also learn that we should’t really bite the hand that feeds us, unless we no longer want to be fed. In her case, it’s a breast that supplies about 90% of her food to her. 90% is no small potatoes! Elisabeth is getting so much from our continued breastfeeding: amazing antibodies, key nutrients that she still needs, and much more that benefits her intellectual, social and physical health. And yet Elisabeth still bites the breast that feeds her! Like modesty, she hasn’t learned this yet either.

So, no, don’t tell me about introducing cow’s milk! It may save some bites but not all of them. And that kind of trade-off isn’t worth it to me. There’s also another trade-off: not believing she knows what she needs. Like we did with introducing solids, weaning will be something that she initiates. I believe that even if Elisabeth is small and can’t walk or talk, she knows what she still needs. I’ve met my goal of one year so everything else from this point on is gravy. But I’ll continue to breastfeed until she gives me the signals that she is moving on. And perhaps this is the beginning of my understanding of what it means to be a parent: constantly muddled; second-guessing yourself and realizing there are multiple reasons for the same action. But maybe the flip side of that seesaw of balance is that you trust your child to tell you what they need. For now, that’s good enough for me.

Agree wholeheartedly? Disagree vehemently? I’d like to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below. As always, all comments are confidential until approved by me.

It’s the morning of Friday June 7 and the first time since we arrived here (Tuesday afternoon) that I have been up before 9:30. The nights have been late (later) because Elisabeth has been muddled by teething and the time change. She fell asleep at 11:00 last night which is a vast improvement from 1:30 and, as I write this is still asleep. I’ve been trying to write a post on biting but a few reflections on travel so far felt like an important and more timely one so I’ll start with that.

It’s now mid-afternoon and Elisabeth has fallen back asleep. We’ve flown three times with her, including this last time, since she was born and let me tell you flying with a newborn (trip to Denver at 8 weeks) and flying with a 6 month old was infinitely easier than flying with a 1 year old. There are three main differences (The 3 T’s) now-

Teething– We’ve got 2 teeth coming in (yes, again) and it makes for tough going sometimes. Elisabeth wants to bite things, a lot and our standard frozen banana in a teether isn’t an option when you’re on the go. I made do with a few of my fabric pouches which worked well in earlier months and travel easily because they are light and easy to squeeze into tiny gaps in your luggage. They measure approx. 4 x 5 and feature an opening on 3 sides (or 4 whatever works) in which you can slot ice. Ice is aways available from flight attendants, especially if they anticipate a crying baby! Luckily I did remember our Hyland’s Teething Tablets which are a good additional option. I also bought local cucumber from the store around the corner and froze a couple of sticks for Elisabeth to gnaw on. Finally we did also bring her very same washcloth from home which we froze and she’s worked on a bit. As usual, it’s a combination of many methods which has helped the teething pain.

Time Change– Argh! This continues to be the bane of our week. Elisabeth seems completely befuddled by the time difference. She’s sleeping relatively well at night (albeit in bed with us and not in the crib) but as I mentioned above she’s been falling asleep SO late. This challenge unfortunately doesn’t seem to have any tried and true methods to help off it so we’re just kind of hanging in there. Elisabeth didn’t notice the time change when we traveled to Denver, or the need for extra hydration. One more aspect of travel that gets more difficult as the baby gets older.

Toys– Elisabeth turned one earlier this week and entertainment of some sort is a must. Gone are the days when I can just pack a rubber key ring for her to work over in her mouth periodically. She needs stuff to do otherwise she gets bored. Knowing this we did pack an extra bag with a smaller set of blocks as well as a puzzle for our apartment (a checked bag) and visited the toystore this morning to load up on a few extra books and games. Elisabeth isn’t walking yet but she still has energy so she needs to burn that off somehow. We’ve found a cool park with an amazing swing but the key is to get her on the ground and have her work her little legs and arms a bit. That tires her out. And of course it helps if she has something to work on or over. Friends let us borrow a few books and a red little scoot bike to ride on so those will be go-to toys as well.

A few other tips that can help things go (more) smoothly:

Pack extra wipes. Easy to squeeze in anywhere and used all the time! Sure you can buy them also, which we did but it’s nice to have extra on hand just in case.

Ditto for books. I didn’t use the outside pockets of my rolley bag as well as I could have and could have fit more books in there but didn’t. I wish that I had. Books are great entertainment for you, her or both of you.

Snacks, more snacks & drinks. I packed snack-size ziplocks of apricots, Cheerios, & her fav teething biscuits. I also packed full sippys of strawberry water & her favorite smoothie (no problem getting them through TSA at all) along with small size tupperware containers of apple & cut grapes, blueberries. In lieu of our standard Monuts bagel, we bought a Starbucks bagel for her work on (bagels are GREAT for teething, by the way) and a banana. These snacks are not only entertainment but are reminders for her of home. I think of them a little like security blankets; they just make things a bit easier.

The obvious ones: extra socks, sweater in her diap bag along with a few onesies (one short sleeved and one long) were also useful and used.

If you plan on flying with a baby/small toddler at some point, hopefully some of this will be helpful to you. What tips do you have? Leave a comment below. All comments are confidential until approved.