Tuesday, September 5, 2017

First day of school here.
Usually this means I have not slept, and have probably gotten this far in my day on klonopin and coffee.

However-
Jaysen started a new school last year.

Ugh.I Know! ANOTHER NEW SCHOOL?!?!?

Yes. And this one is amazeballs.
Like bring tears to your eyes, amazeballs.
Like smack-yo-momma, make you cry, amazeballs.

I was going to keep the name of this school anon as well, but it really does deserve recognition.AIM High is a school for kids like mine. Maybe like yours. But really, all kids would benefit from education like this.
It has literally changed his life.
And mine.

AIM is designed for kids on the Spectrum.
I was freaked out because as a private school, they "don't do" IEP's. ACK!
In fact, there is not one Special Education teacher on staff! Not one! *cue arrhythmia and sweating*

It was explained to me that they don't need those things. The teachers (and ancillary staff) are so freaking compassionate, this is their passion in life. They don't need IEP's because the whole building is an accommodation. The way the days are laid out and the class sizes (averaging 6-10 students per class!), the individualized instruction, the support of the entire staff, and student body...it's honestly more like a huge family.

But education is still paramount. They use an evidence based education model. They have a full curriculum with core academics as prescribed by the MMC. They have electives. They have a band. They teach life skills. They teach social skills.You can get an actual diploma and they assist in transition planning like college visits, ACT prep, and job internships. And if the student is not college-bound, they have a 5th year option for dual enrollment at a post secondary school.They do not give up on these kids.

*Squeeeeeeeeeeee!*

The suck side is it is a tuition-based private school, and VERY expensive.
I cannot afford this school, even with financial aid. ShittyEx has agreed per decree, to a minimal contribution of less than 1/4 of expenses (Gee, thanks).
I will do everything in my power to keep Jaysen at this school, and continue to do so with the help of my family. He is absolutely worth every penny.

The principal disclosed to me, after our first year was coming to a close-
This school was created for kids like Jaysen.
Kids who are lost in the public schools despite the "support and services" they received.
Kids whom the public schools failed, and as a result, do not have an educational foundation to draw on.
He told me he was warned about Jaysen. Did he really want to take him on?? He's a lot of trouble, aggressive, "not teachable". He is "volatile" and a "behavior problem". Good luck with that kid.
The principal wanted to take a chance on him anyway. He ain't no sissy.
A few months in, he admitted to me that Jaysen was nothing like the prior administration described. He found Jaysen to be sweet, polite, eager, hardworking...Yes, he needed help with self-regulation and managing his frustrations, but he had made so many improvements in that area already.

There were no meltdowns last year.
There were no faking sick days.
There were no tears or arguments.
There was no frustration with homework, because they do their homework after "regular school", with teacher support. I know, right?!?!?
Jaysen actually learned stuff, guys. Not only that, but he learned, retained, and applied stuff!
He was excited for school to start again this year, and that has NEVER happened.

I'm a believer in that sometimes one door has to close, so another can open.
And I can tell you that you can find love in heartbreak.

Had it not been for ShittyHusband#2, I never would have met TW.

Guys. When I tell you this man has changed my life, I mean it quite literally.

Coming from freakishly similar backgrounds, he understood the importance of attention, affection, and compassion. He's happy and proud to be seen with me. He loves my kids and brought 5 of his own into the mix, giving me the big family I've always wanted. He is kind, thoughtful, helpful, brilliant, hilarious, caring, talented, and a great role model as a father. He is everything I've ever wanted in a partner.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

It had been a very dark couple of years, and I wasn't sure I could post anything before anything was finalized. Y'all ready for this?

In November of 2014, Companion and I got married. (Yeah, I know, right?)
Things sucked.

In short, I married a habitual liar, and a sexual predator.

You would not believe the shit I uncovered. But trust me when I tell you, there is no better detective, than a suspicious wife.

I learned Companion has a pretty significant porn addiction. I'm talking like sometimes 7 hours a day kind of habit.

He was more comfortable with porn than having an intimate relationship with a real live person. Which made me unbearably lonely.

I learned he would stalk other women and take secret pictures of their feet (a philia of his), without consent.

I found nude pictures of myself, that he had taken. Pictures he did not have my consent to take.He would pull down the covers while I was sleeping, or leer through the crack in the door when I was changing or getting into the shower. Creeper.

But check this out-

Over the
course of our 13 years together, he and a co-worker had a relationship for over 5 years. He admitted that the only
reason the affair ended, was because she left the company. Which by the way,
was three months after our wedding. After.
Talk about a knife to the chest.

After 10 years of neglect, and 5 years of betrayal, I had no more tolerance for any form of cheating, whether emotional, physical, through words, or other secret exchanges. I will stand by this until the day I die.

You stuck your dick in a goat? You cheated.

Wife begging for your attention and affection, but you’re giving it to another woman instead? Cheating.

Went on a date with another woman, but “didn’t have sex”? Sweetpea…you still cheat-a-ma-tated.

Infidelity is more than just adultery. Infidelity is about broken trust. Breaking bonds.

I stayed and we tried to work things out through therapy. I stayed not only because of my fierce loyalty, but more importantly, because I tried to convince myself I wasn't being abused. He promised to stop the lies. To stop the porn. To stop
seeing this woman, and never contact her again. There were lots of promises. But I guess
datass was just too enticing.

I soon found out the affair had rekindled. Or maybe it never
stopped.

I was told he was going to a friend’s house who lives about
2 hours away. He was not. He and the girlfriend met for dinner and drinks. His tab, of
course. When I questioned him if he was still at his "friend's" house, he affirmed-
but I was staring dead at his car in a local restaurant’s parking lot.

Despite therapy and watching my anxiety spiral into CPTSD, he just could.not.stop.lying to me.

Our therapist made the observation that despite all we had invested into therapy, Companion never shouldered any responsibility or accountability, and had actually gotten worse as therapy progressed.
The man is a weak, pathetic son-husband, and malignant covert narcissist.
He constantly plays the victim.
And he lies...lies...lies.
He is an abuser.

I had finally had enough, and ended it.

The kids were bummed, to say the least, but they understood because they knew that things weren't good. They saw me in tears, non-stop. They knew it was because of their father. And they knew it wasn't healthy.
We didn't even make it 2 years, peeps. Our separation was almost as long as our marriage. It was absolutely grueling.