One Hundred Things About Me

1. I used to hate being called Jen. I’m cool with it now.

2. I’ve lived with my boyfriend for more than two years and my parents have never once given me grief about it.

3. It’s weird calling him my boyfriend. It’s not like he just picks me up and takes me to the movies and such. There should be a better word for someone who’s better than a boyfriend but not quite a husband.

4. I’ve just coined such a word: boyband. He’s my boyband.

5.When I was little I tried to hide from God by crawling under my bed.

6. Also when I was little I designed elaborate plans for running away in the middle of the night. I’d pack a bag with my clothes and toys and put it under my bed until the perfect moment. Except I never woke up until morning.

7. I love Conway Twitty in a way that is completely unnatural. I don’t think he’s the least bit attractive, but his voice. makes. me. melt.

8. I’ve been learning to golf for over a year and I still can’t hit my ball over the creek at our local golf course.

9. Steve will only buy me second-hand golf balls because of #8.

10. I’m trying to lose weight … seriously this time.

11. When I reach my idea of a healthy weight, I’m going to celebrate by getting a tiny pink star tattooed on my hip. And I do mean tiny.

12. The only person I will eat or drink after is my boyfriend. I don’t care if we share blood or have known each other since birth. Saliva swapping is for two people and two people only.

13. I’m accident-prone when it comes to dishes. And bottles of hot sauce.

14. I don’t really like sweets. I like salty and spice foods much better. Although I am willing to negotiate from time to time.

15. If I could live anywhere in the world, I’d pick my hometown.

16. I’m proud to be a West Virginian.

17. I don’t think I can personally ever live in West Virginia and earn a decent wage.

18. I’ve only been out of the United States once – and that was just driving into Canada at Niagra Falls.

19. The places I most want to visit are England, Ireland, Italy, Greece, Maine, NYC and Alaska. For now.

20. I love to watch episodes of the Gilmore Girls.

21. My father had polio as a child and my sister is deaf and has cerebral palsy, but neither has ever let their disabilities stop them. Ever. They rule.

22. My mom is the rock of Gilbralter. Seriously.

23. I get easily frustrated with society.

24. Despite the copious amount of complaining I do daily, I consider myself a pretty lucky girl.

25. I dream of being a mama, raising a garden and writing books. That’s my ideal life.

26. I cannot stand screaming children in supermarkets or restaurants. It drives me nuts.

27. I like cherry flavored things like soda or Popsicles, but I hate actual cherries.

28. My bark is bigger than my bite.

29. I have a difficult time making my own decisions. I’ll tell someone else what he or she should do quicker than you can blink, but when it comes to deciding something for myself, I’m utterly useless.

30. Number 29 applies to even simple things, such as where to have dinner or what to do on a weekend.

31. My favorite movies are The Wizard of Oz and Love Actually, because they’re about my two favorite things: home and love.

32. I have nightmares about staircases.

33. I have this thing about being underwater: I don’t like it.

34. I learned to swim when I was 15. I still don’t like to be under water.

35. As I child I refused to wear shorts or pants to church. I insisted I had to wear a dress.

36. When I was about 8 I went through a stage of being terrified of death.

37. I got over it, but death isn’t something I like to think about.

38. My favorite thing to wear is a black turtleneck.

39. I miss my friends terribly.

40. I even miss my old job. Gasp!

41. I love to cook and covet a gourmet kitchen in my own house.

42. I also covet my own house.

43. Our townhouse is pretty nice, though.

44. My second-grade teacher, Mrs. Dunkerley, always wore these giant polyester dresses. I liked to sit next to her and rub the fabric between my fingers during reading.

45. I had one line in a church Easter play when I was four or 5. The line was “And the angel rolled the stone away.” I was too shy to say it.

46. Steve has a nephew who is quite possibly the cutest kid ever. I could spend all day just looking at him.

47. I’ve only met two of Steve’s three boys.

48. It was the craziest summer of my life.

49. I miss them sometimes.

50. Until I remember the messes they made.

51. I secretly still miss them despite of the messes.

52. I like things to be neat, clean and organized. My world is a happier, brighter place when things are in order.

53. I don’t always live up to that.

54. I’m perpetually doing laundry.

55. My favorite part of the day is bedtime. I love to snuggle up next to Steve under the covers.

56. I would sleep in every day if I could.

57. I sometimes feel guilty about sleeping in … it feels like I’ve wasted half the day.

58. I don’t take naps.

59. If it were up to me, it would be autumn all the time.

60. I wear an engagement ring on my right hand.

61. It’s not my engagement ring. I’m not engaged.

62. I bought it at my church yard sale for 50 cents. I also got the wedding band.

63. I think they’re antiques.

64. We tracked down the lady who donated it to the sale. She said she was divorced and didn’t want it anymore.

65. I like her style.

66. I sometimes sit around and think about what I’m going to name my children if I ever have any.

67. I don’t want my kids to have tons of toys. Just a few that they really love and will remember playing with when they’re older.

68. I’ve won several writing awards for the various newspaper columns I’ve authored.

72. In college, I once snuck into my friend’s dorm room and hid under the bed to scare her.

73. I also taped a scary picture of a clown to a broom handle, hung out my dorm room window and smacked it against her window to scare her.

74. I’ve been in a couple of plays … I was in Bye, ByeBirdie and Annie in high school, and I was in a community theater production of Frosty the Snowman a few years ago. I had a blast on all three.

75. In fact, Frosty the Snowman was where I really got to know a couple of my very bestest friends.

76. I miss them.

77. I’m very territorial.

78. I refused to be potty trained until our next-door neighbor’s grandson used my pottychair. My mom said after that, I never wore another diaper.

79. I often hide in closets to scare Steve. He hates that.

80. He also hates it when I sneak one of his various animal calls that he uses for hunting to bed, then place it on his pillow in the darkness and hit “play.” That’s the closest I’ve ever come to being punched.

81. It was worth it.

82. I like peanut butter better than peanuts.

83. I dream about what I would do with the money if I ever won the lottery.

84. The hospital I was born in is now a motel.

85. I have relatively large feet and can only find shoes in a select few stores in this area.

86. I’m also relatively tall and have a difficult time finding shirts and jeans that fit properly.

87. I don’t vacuum as often as I should.

88. When I was young I often played school and would give F’s to all the kids I didn’t like in real life.

89. I can watch Lifetime or the TLC for hours if nothing else is on.

90. I want to meet the family from Little People Big World. But maybe not the dad. He gets on my nerves.

91. I bought Steve iPods for the past two Christmases because the first one got stolen.

92. I’m still paying for both of them. Darn it!

93. I’ve never bounced a check.

94. I rarely carry cash.

95. I named my car Fiona.

96. My iPod’s name is Fiona II.

97. I never, ever want to get up for work.

98. I was on a puppet ministry team at my church when I was a teenager.