Oh great guardian of Nintendoo, I beseech you. I can't wait any longer! I have been searching for Nintendo Wii for so long, but I don't think I have even gotten close to one.You see, the Great Nintendo Wii is very rare in my area (currently the Great Northern Woods). I am questing throughout the surrounding lands but I haven't found a clue.

I must admit that I have not owned a Nintendo system since the original NES, but I am very excited about their new Wii to the point that I must acquire one at any cost.

Most of the people I talk to on my quest are not very helpful. They usually have no idea what I am talking about and give me only blank stares in response to my questions.

After a long journey, I come upon someone who seems to know what he is talking about. He says there is a chance if I can make haste.

There are whispers in the land of a stockpile of Wiis near Meijer, but by the time I get there all I find is a returned Playstation 3.

The woman in the electronics department acts like my question about finding a Nintendo Wii is the most annoying thing she has heard all day.

She has no idea when they will be getting them or if they have ever had them. She has never seen one on the shelves.

So far my quest is very discouraging. All I have to sustain me is the thought of one day playing Nintendo Wii.

After more than two decades of being hated on by peaceniks (school teachers) and environmental whackos (scientists), nuclear power is back.

Lately, everyone seems to want to get into the action. The Nuclear club is growing bigger day by day. Already many developing (aka. dirty) nations like India (a country whose main form of transportation is elephant) and North Korea (a country whose president is a pedophile dwarf) have gotten into the action.

From energy plants capable of powering the life support system that keeps Estelle Getty (the mother from "The Golden Girls") alive and sassy, to ICBMs capable of getting rid of most of this planet's problems (us) in less than thirty minutes, power of the nuclear variety is fun, fast, friendly and functional.

Though this toy missed the Christmas season, the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab has ridden the wave of atomic energy nostalgia and become the hippest toy around. From the playgrounds of Traverse City, Michigan to the silos of Tehran, boys, girls and eunuchs of all ages are asking their parents or black market smuggling service for this new delight.

What can you do with the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab? Well little Timmy there are many things you can do with the Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab?

You can do fun things like:

Put your eye just inches from exploding atoms of wonder!

Measure the effects of nuclear waste on the eggs of Bald Eagles (sold separately)!

Ignite an arms race with the dark skinned boy that lives next door!

You can learn new things like:

What it feels like to dip your bare hand into a full blown atomic reaction!

How to get rid of the waste near trailer parks, churches and academies for the blind!

How to deal with liars like Albert Einstein, who say you are dirty and dangerous!

The set also comes with:

Three exciting radioactive sources, a Geiger counter, and cloud chamber where atoms can be split!

Dr. Funnywig's "The Super Fun Guide to Gilbert Atomic Energy Lab: The Day Mean Mr. Atom Split in Two", an illustrated manual on the fun and science of nuclear energy!

You can also buy:

The Chernobyl Playset complete with two headed calves and babushka wearing peasants with no teeth!

A complete set of action figures including the evil protesters, scientists, security guards, fish babies and a clone army of Al Gores!

We put this toy to the test, letting our little boy play with it for an entire evening while me and my wife sipped our juice boxes, did Crystal Meth and laughed as our six year old accomplished in ten minutes what it took ten years to accomplish at Los Alamos.

Already our pint-sized Nuclear Superpower has caused a spike in birth defects all around the block. We highly suggest this toy. The brilliant green of the toxic nuclear glow will warm you and your child's heart for longer than it takes for nuclear waste to lose its radioactivity.

"Marimo (Japanese: 毬藻), also known as Lake ball or Moss Balls in English, is a species of filamentous green algae (Chlorophyta) found in a number of lakes in the northern hemisphere. The name though refers to a certain rare growth form of the species where the algae grow into large green balls with a velvety appearance. Colonies of such balls are known only from Iceland, Japan and Estonia." Marimo Wiki

If anyone is blessed with an over abundence of these cute little guys, please let me know. I would love to have a couple for my new planted aquarium. I have many interesting things that could be offered in trade.