Special Containment Procedures: SCP whatever is to be contained in a metal cage, I think. It has to be put in a chamber that looks red but I'm pretty sure is orange. I mean, if you look at it very closely it looks orange, but from afar it looks red. Isn't that interesting? Don't bother answering.

Description: SCP is… something, it appears to be a metal ball that… uggghhh, I hate this. Ever since the site director found out that SCP-████ could create those walking tin cans, he replaced all of the personnel except for me1. Because apparently, the talking tin cans don't have enough linguistic abilities to write documentation for the SCPs.

My job wasn't even to write files! I was assigned here because all of the archivists opposed the robots and were… “fired”. But I know soon enough they'll replace me, and then I'll be back to the streets of ██████, OH, look, I just got censored. Wow, would you look at the utility of the new censoring machine 1-████ HAHAHAHAHA, the funniest thing by far is that I wrote “ughhh” and “HAHAHA” in an official Foundation document, isn't that hilarious? What do they need this document for anyways? The machines have a 99.9% chance of recontaining any of the SCPs we're currently containing in the case of a breach. This file is crap. I haven't even written anything here.

Well, OK then, info, here you go: “SCP-████ is a solidified mercury sphere, with a volume of 10 meters, it will speak to any person in a 99 cm radius around itself in incomprehensible languages, SCP-████ will devour anyone who and I'm done with this bullshit. If you want info, go ask the site director because I can't take this shit anymore.

Addendum: Pastimes

Now that I don't have any other officer to talk to, I spend most of my time just bouncing a Foundation-branded stress ball against the wall. I also mess with the robots by asking them “hey tin can, divide 0 by 0” and then they go boom. Since nobody is monitoring the surveillance cameras, I haven't been demoted to D-Class. And talking about D-Classes, even they were replaced. The Ethics Committee said it was more "humane" to use robots for testing. Ha! Joke's on them because the director replaced them with robots.

Addendum: NEW OFFICER

AGENT ██████ HAS BEEN DEEMED INCOMPETENT FOR HIS JOB, AND HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH AN AUTOMATON SPECIALIZED IN THE CREATION OF CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS, BY ORDERS OF THE NEW LEADER OF SITE ████, LEADERBOT 2.5. END REPORT.