Emails are a wonderful way to exchange information quickly and succinctly. Yet, one of the perils of having an email address is the potential for receiving thoughtless and spiteful emails from time to time. If you are worried about this potential, it is a good idea to build up your email resiliency.

Steps

1

Set appropriate boundaries. When you provide an email address, you are saying to the world/your classmate/that guy you just met on the bus, that it is OK to contact you. This might be the very step you should stop at if you don't know what the outcome of giving out your email might be. It can be especially problematic when you join a social media networking site or a forum, where any person online can access your email and follow up things that you have said "privately", so to speak. If the potential for that bothers you even just to think about it, draw your line and don't give your email address.

2

Be prepared. Sometimes, no matter how much you aim to prevent a nasty email occurrence, someone will get one through to you, for reasons of their own. It might be someone you thought you could trust, in which case, their sudden change in behavior will be shockingly surprising. Leaving that aside, however, don't expect your email in-box to be pure for all time. If you are aware of the possibility of an e-nasty occasionally, you are least ready for it.

3

Respond appropriately. Nasty, abusive emails are unpleasant and can spoil things for a time. How you respond though is what makes the difference between coping with it, or making a mountain out of a molehill. The only time that you should truly worry is if it is threatening in a way that makes you feel worried (for example, if someone says they have your address and they're coming to "get you"). In that case, hand it over to the police immediately. Generally though, most nasty and abusive emails are a case of venting, jealousy, poor restraint on behalf of the sender, anger-in-the-moment, and arrogance. None of those emotions are worth your time of day. Here are some response methods to adopt:

Ignore the message. Nothing fuels a fire more than pressing reply. Just don't and let it extinguish.

Reply in a short manner only. Say something like "Your inappropriate language has been noted and will be reported to XYZ."

Engage them. If you're willing and wanting to discuss the situation further, and you don't mind the potential for a little more abuse before things settle somewhat, say something like: "I'm sorry you feel that way. I didn't mean to provoke such a feeling of ill-will. When you're feeling better, perhaps we can talk this through."

4

Have a good sense of humor. The most outraged people in life are those who lack a sense of humor and see personal injustice everywhere they look. It is better to laugh off the cranky behavior of others and not let it stick to you. So they said a bunch of nasties – see it for the childish temper tantrum that it is and have a good chortle.

5

Be compassionate. It may be hard to be compassionate when somebody has said some abusive and reprehensible things but trying to understand what drove them to this point can help you to see that it was likely a momentary lapse of better judgment and that they're probably already quivering in their boots about your response to it. Being compassionate can open up dialog between the two of you, to unmask what is hurting them so much that they are driven to say such hateful things.

6

Ignore any anonymous email. Anybody who hides behind a cloak of anonymity to say vicious things doesn't deserve your time of day. Ever. Do not engage.

7

Debrief. If a nasty and hurtful email has upset you, don't keep it to yourself. Find somebody you can talk to as a good sounding board. A friend, a parent, a teacher, a work colleague, another online friend, etc., all are potential help. If there is nobody that you feel you can trust, perhaps call a charity talk line and speak with a counselor or similar person. Get off the computer and take a brisk walk or play a ball game, etc. to unwind. This can help get the jitters out and clear your head about how to approach the email.

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Tips

Sites that require an email address but which promise not to give it out without your permission should be all right provided that they are reputable. If a staff member of such a site sends you abusive email, contact the management and make a very prompt and detailed complaint.