Phosphenes

by thefulltiltlife

Kimbra – Settle Down

I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but I think I’ll know it when I see it. At least, I hope so. I have never been much of a dreamer; I really don’t think I’m good at it. Just when the going gets good, I tend to stop myself mid-dream because I fear it won’t come to be. So I drop it, put it on the back-burner and take a step back to see what happens on its own. I roll with the punches and swim with the current because it is safe and it is sure. There is no chance of mixing up signals from the Lord, and my heart and my life remain loosely intact. It is a fairly safe form trust, with a pretty good grip on my life. What am I so afraid will happen? I believe that the Lord is good, that He is kind. I am His, and He remains mine. There is no knowing the depth and height, the width and breadth of His love. He has no bad plans for me, they are not in Him. All this I know to be true.

I cling to the fact that Jesus is my only assurance partly as an excuse to not look ahead. I have no assurance of any tomorrows, no claim that things will remain as they are today. In this frame of mind, however, I end up sitting, and waiting. I have to wonder if I am missing out on the very best future Jesus has planned for me. I might be the one holding myself back from taking the risks involved in actually dreaming, in letting go and forming a plan. What I need is to die to the person I am holding on to, take up my cross and follow my Lord. And right now, all signs point to dreaming.