A sister and I have applied for conservativeship (or however you say it!) for just my Mom. Dad's reasoning ability gone. Has two leases on two cars that he does not need to be driving at all. We've already had DMV send letter revoking license; he has 30 days to appeal. Don't know if he has reasoning enough to do so; regardless he'll have to take a test. (will probably fail). Mom totally on wheelchair/occasional walker - two broken hips, two back surgeries; mental illness issues, and obviously totally dependent upon him. He is now making her choose the family or himself; says he's moving her into apt. he's already rented. It's an hour away both ways. There will be no 24 hour care as he has now; he thinks he can hire people but does not have the money (and is in debt without even mentioning the auto leases). I have been reading up on procedures in Georgia and now wonder, if we get conservativeship, and he moves her anyway (to a different county from where they are now) will he be in civil contempt? If so, what action will be taken? And what will our legal choices be when our time cushion runs out? We have not had to pay so far for conservativeship. He says they're moving tomorrow. State sent someone to evaluate Mom this morning; I am sure they found her upset; lately she's been saying she wants to die, and Dad is furious with all of us and sent letters out to relatives (who have nothing to do with the situation) saying all of us are crazy. We have been calm and loving in our approach. We don't want Mom any more upset than she already is. Are we doomed to hiring an elder attorney?

18 Answers

God bless you all!! Yes she was moved and it is a mess. We did retain an attorney. APS has been notified in both counties (where they were, and where they went) and so has the local law enforcement. We could have forced the issue yesterday, but we were uncertain just what we would do as Mom now doesn't have a place locked down. We're working on that. Mom and Dad are 85 and 86 respectively.

opps weneedanswers I just saw your next post....he did it, he actually moved her...ugh..I agree with Carollynn . Their local police should be aware of the situation. They should be able to direct you to your next step. Also APS should get involved to make sure Mom is getting the care she needs. What a mess...keep us posted. I promise (time is an issue for me) I'll try to read all the posts.

I need burly guys. When they're not intimidating they can lift things:)Sounds like Dad can't accept getting old and it's limitations. It's kinda of romantic in a sad way...wanting to take his wife away with him from "all this" or did I read that wrong? Did he rent the apartment for her and he stays at the assisted living? I have no answer for you there seems to be a history or some kind of stressor that is making him react so irrationally. When the people I care for do "irrational" things I try to put myself in their situation to get to the root of the behavior. Sometimes helplessness, stress, fear from someone outside their true life (neighbor or landlord) or even inside their true life makes that basic fight or flight behavior rear it's ugly head. Sometimes there is not reason it's just irrational behavior. It sound like you want to save your Mom. Are you prepared to take care of her? Have you offered understandable solutions to your Dad for her care? Why is he leaving, or just taking her out of the assisted living? Good luck I hope all went, is going, well.

I read through some of your posts. I never could glean how old your parents are. I went through some of this a couple of years ago with my Dad and his wife. My dad even got taken to jail from driving erratically. He is 74 now. His wife died and he stayed on his on(near a cousin) for about 9 months. He was wildly off of his insulin and his blood sugar spike to +700. Anyway, the best thing that happened is that someone contacted Adult protective services and they had the Dr declare dad incapacitated. The dominoes fell into place. Up until that time I got about 20 different stories from everyone and their mother. How he had to be willing to go into a nursing home even though he was delusional wandering around the yard at 4 in the morning seeing things. He did all kinds of crazy things and I am happy to say that he is right where he needs to be in a nursing home. He hates it but he needs it. Anyway, For APS was a lifesaver. They know what can be done. I wouldn't hesitate to call them and report your father if you have to. Especially because he is the POA for your mother and his own dr indicated that he was not all there. They will know what you can and can't do. I hear horror stories about state agencies but this time they made all the difference. What about asking the sherrif's office to help collect your mother? If there is a court order they might do it. I wish you all the best with this. keep us posted. peace and luck - BG

Okay peeps. WENEEDANSWERS now answers your questions: Only Dad and Mom are on their POA. They are already moved to new location in mountains. Dad moved them Wed.; the court ruled following Friday in our favor giving conservatiorship of Mom. Will he be in contempt now in another county if we try and take her home from new location? He didn't let us in today when we went up to see them - didn't get to talk with our Mom :/.

Ferris 1, I have to agree, leave the burly guys at home. Why not take the Legal way and call the local ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES, they can have a police officer with them and stop any kind of move of you mother. Judges can give temporary conservatorships till everything gets worked out. By the way if you do get conservatorship over your mom, then you will not only have the say about whether or not mom moves but you can place her in a assisted living if you choose and dad will not be able to stop you. I hope you also asked for financial to be included in the conservatorship papers. Two issues, one is of person and the other is of money, the two are not always connected. Be sure to ask for both. Good Luck!

If at all possible get the family members to get together and discuss a plan of action. You need to work with and talk with the person who went to check on your mother. If the apartment is in an assisted living complex, it might not be a bad thing. Get everyone on the same page and you won't need burly guys to control the situation.

You say you have "applied" for conservatorship, but has it been granted yet? And why didn't you include your deluded father? Anyone who is in need of mental health care (be it dementia, another mental illness, brain tumor, etc.) deserves to be supervised by more prevailing heads. Disregard any mention of anyone (strong burly guys) who can force anyone to do anything. Chaos will arise, and someone may be seriously hurt or killed. Go to the house, try to calm your father, and if he continues to resist, call police. Since his sanity is in question, let the police take him to a psychiatric hospital to have him evaluated for 72 hrs., take your mother to a safe location, and wait for the Court's order. If she is competent, have her sign POA documents for you and/or your sister. Family disputes are never easy and this could escalate into something deadly, so tread very carefully as the well-being of both your parents rests with you and your sister. My prayers will be with you as you resolve this conflict.

I agree with the above, get POA of your mother and have the health care directive too as she will need your help in both areas. Your father may need a medical workup with his MD to see what exactly is driving his behavior. It may be a rage against aging and facing life without your mother. He may not know what will happen to him or what his life will be like after she passes away. If he had ongoing mental / poor judgment issues this type of insecurity could have throw him over the edge explaining the behavior.

Good luck, Just get your mother situated first then deal with the father's issues if he is more able bodied physically.There is only so much you can do at one time.

Sounds like you don't have poa for your father or mother hence you are going the conservertorship route. It also sounds like you might need conservertorship for your father too since he is not competient to manage his affairs wisely. I assume you will have powers with conservertorship so you would want to exercise those powers, keep pristine records etc. I could be wrong but I don't think an elder attorney is needed in this process. please ask the courts directly documenting all the conversations; it seems to me either the courts or the conservertorship documents would if/when/how an attorney should be introduced into the equation.

sometimes a judge will order certain things when considering an emergency conservatorship... did the judge order that your father can't move your mother? If so you need to again stand in the way of the movement and show the court order to the police. I can't tell if you mean your dad is planning to try to move your mom today, Sunday. If so, you may have to call the police. If your dad gets combative with them, he will be arrested -- you can only hope! Then you can temporarily take charge of your mother and prevent her movement. Yikes! If the police believe he is a danger to himself or others -- for example your mom -- they could arrest him for psychiatric reasons (called a 5150 in California) and he would be put on a 72 hour hold for observation and evaluation. Should that occur, you would get your mom out of that situation and have her where he doesn't know she is. Then the emergency conservatorship hearing will occur before he can do anything about it. And his behavior will lend credibility to your request.

Do you have a couple of burly guy friends you can post in your dads path. if he touches them to try to pass by, its assault and they can call 911. Meanwhile, you go to the County District Attorney, show them the detail on your upcoming conservatorship, and ask about an emergency restraining order. Someone with that same paperwork should stand by at the scene with your dad and the burly guys to be able to explain to the police that you are at the district attorney's office. Your early friends should not touch your father except to restrain him if he touches them first and to call 911. Your father may be enough out of it that too strong looking guys might make him put of his decision long enough to give you a chance to get what you need me go in place.

I would believe you need an attorney. If you can't afford one, contact your local Bar Association or State Bar Association to see if they have attorneys who work "Pro Bono" or for free. I think you're in Cumming, GA. Here's a link to a non-profit that lists free legal counseling: http://www.faithshouseinc.org/links.html

Or can you start with whoever you used to help you file the conservator paperwork for your mom? Were you able to do that without an attorney? You said it didn't cost you anything, I'd say start with those resources. Good luck!!

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