Politics & Media

Sep 29, 2016, 09:22AM

What If?

What if the president called a special press conference on Monday, November 14th?

What if there was no advance word on what the press conference was about?

What if rumors flew willy-nilly? With the election settled and the clock running out, what could be left for the president to say?

What if the Washington press corps poured expectantly into the White House briefing room?

What if, at the appointed moment, the president emerged with a big smile on his face, and Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell, beaming as well?

What if they were all cradling small pieces of Tupperware?

What if the president said, “Well, I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here today”?

What if he went on to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving?

What if he then went on to promise that soon most evenings will likely be happier for the vast majority of Americans than in recent memory?

What if he explained why?

What if the reason for this was that a bipartisan agreement had been reached to launch a National War on Hunger and Malnutrition?

What if the president said, “I’m sure you’ve noticed that many of our downtowns are fading, storefronts are boarded up, business gone bust, particularly in our small and mid-size cities”?

What if the president said, “I’m sure you’re aware the Silicon Valley’s got an app for everything”?

What if the president said, “Well, the Speaker of the House and the Majority Leader and I got together over the summer to talk about that, to put our heads together”?

What if the president said, “And today we’re here to announce a national initiative we’re calling Leftover Layaway, which we expect to become law before week’s end”?

What if the president continued, “The government has leased thousands of abandoned storefronts, and is in the process of refurbishing them as free kitchens where citizens can donate home-cooked leftovers and where the economically struggling can stop in to eat and feed their families”?

What if the president added, “Some of our most talented technological minds developed an app that will let you know which storefronts are most in need of your leftovers at any given moment”?