Super Skank Wednesday: More life lessons from celebreality

Welcome to Super Skank Wednesday. This is where I celebrate the awesomely skanky people on the following shows: I Love Money, Charm School, New York Goes to Hollywood, and The Surreal Life. Basically, I'll discuss the skankalicious shows that make VH1 the network it is today.

Today I have some life lessons from celebreality. You readers know how grateful I am to VH1 for the many cautionary tales and moral exemplars it has provided me. I'll give you a few things I learned from I Love Money and New York Goes to Hollywood after the jump.

(And by the way, I think I Want To Work for Diddy might be the sleeper hit of the summer. I included some life lessons from that show, too.)

Here's a few life lessons I learned from I Love Money.

When blondes put their heads together, they can do more than just bleach their hair all at once in a tub. Megan and Pumkin proved that last Sunday. What an unlikely (and unholy) alliance.

In a swimming race, the doggie paddle just doesn't cut it (unless you're a dog). Poor Chance got schooled by 12 Pack who looked like a stripper at a gay nightclub in his lime green hot pants. But I guess he didn't need to look like an olympian. All he needed to do was swim faster than doggie-paddlin' Chance.

Never make an alliance with someone who spits on people. Hoopz, Rodeo, Real, and WhiteBoy all found out that trusting Pumkin was a bad move. It was a move that cost them a loyal alliance member in fact.

Here's a real life lesson I learned from New York Goes to Hollywood.

If you want to get a career started (and I mean any career), you should probably learn some of the protocol and learn how to take criticism. New York practically molested the casting director in an audition. Then she was told in acting class that she was a little melodramatic during her improv. Tiffany told us in confessional that she didn't agree with them--way to soak up the constructive criticism. She needs to get some cosmetic surgery (no not the boobs). You know the surgery where the doctor extracts your head from your backside? Can you guys believe that New York didn't know what "break a leg" meant? Is she for real? I'm just throwing that out there because if she's putting this on, NYGTH is going to be waste of time.

Here's a few life lessons I learned from I Want To Work for Diddy.

Don't fake an asthma attack right before a mission. In fact, if you can help it at all, just don't worry about breathing for any of this competition. Apparently, if you can't breathe, you're just a "bitchass" anyway according to Diddy.

Know the difference between winning an Emmy and winning a Grammy. Diddy has three Grammys (three is enough for him, thank-you) but he has yet to win an Emmy. Poor Rob didn't seem to know the difference. I can hear him introducing Diddy now. "And now, Diddy, multi-platinum EMMY winner!"