Richard Spencer is one of the Daily Telegraph's Middle East correspondents. Married with three children, he was previously news editor, and then China correspondent for six years. He is based in Cairo.

Piracy, and a Chinese joke

Here's an update on my previous question about the extent to which President Hu Jintao really is a friend of Bill Gates and Microsoft, as he claims.

The other sort of piracy remains rife in China

As readers may be aware, China repeatedly promises to crack down on software piracy. Ninety per cent of all software used here is said to be pirated, but judging by my latest experience that is likely to be a severe underestimate.

I recently bought a new laptop, after my last one unaccountably exploded, and since Her Majesty's Daily Telegraph was paying for it, I thought I had better do the decent thing and insist on genuine software being installed (at a hefty premium, of course).

Needless to say, this caused a certain amount of consternation and puzzlement in the shop (why would anyone do this?), but they promised it would be ready the next day. Two weeks later, the next time the computer downloaded software updates from Microsoft, hey presto and a note came up telling my my software was not genuine.

Not inconsiderably annoyed, I called round the shop techie, who tried to tell me that he had put in the wrong serial number by accident. Unfortunately, he was unable to prove this by reinstalling the software with the right number.

Eventually he went back with his tail between his legs and said he would call when he could lay his hands on the genuine, genuine article. This took all of three days.

Now I allegedly have the real thing, though various bits of it seem to be missing (the shop was unable to let me test it when I picked it up before closing time tonight).

If I'd put up with the illegal stuff, I'd be laughing, of course, which only shows to go that the Way of Truth is hard and narrow.

Anyway, to cheer myself up I told myself my favourite Chinese joke. Actually, there is nothing particularly Chinese about it, except where I heard it, and the choice of archetype of success which I don't think you'd get elsewhere.

Here it is: The Mayor of Beijing is in his official limo with his forceful wife one day when the driver pulls into a petrol station forecourt to fill up. The wife gets out to stretch her legs, and the petrol pump attendant does a double take. "I know who you are," he says. "Don't you remember me from school?"

Anyway, they have a chat until it's time to go. When she gets back in the car, Mr Mayor asks her: "So, who was that?"

"Actually," she says, laughing, "he was my high school sweetheart."

"There you are, you see," says the Mayor. "See how lucky you are to have met me! You could have ended up married to a petrol pump attendant."

"Not at all," says his wife. "See how lucky you are! If you hadn't met me, he'd be Mayor of Beijing -and you'd be a petrol pump attendant."