Saturday, 2 June 2012

So summer appears to have
been and gone and with it so does the rationality of the British public. From
women in scantily clad clothing, (some who really should have covered up more!
Think of the people!) and men competing in an invisible Hawaiian shirt contest
for the title of ‘tackiest shirt’, the British public appears to have gone gaga
for the sunny spell we had last week. Not that I can blame them of course. I
was unfortunate enough to be stuck in work for most of last week, so I could
not take full advantage of the sun’s rays, not that I was bitter about that or
anything.... But on my days off I was to be found in the garden, with a book,
some sun cream (as I always try to sunbathe responsibly! That and the fact that
I got my sperm donors pale genes, which means I burn mega easily) and an
endless supply of peach squash, worshipping the sun with the rest of the UK. Not
that you can tell! My legs are still a nice shade of white, my feet just look
slightly dirty and I have a faint brown vest shape mark on my chest. All in all
NOT a good two days attempting to absorb the sun’s rays. I would attempt to
cheat with some fake tan, but the last time I used fake tan on my legs the
results was very... bright. I was going to a Baywatch themed pub crawl (back in
my uni days) and I decided that I couldn’t go out in my red hot pants and pub
crawl tee with bright white legs, so I thought that I’d use fake tan to give
them that sun kissed colour they so badly needed. What I had failed to realise was that it was a
gradual build tan. So by 9pm and after two glasses of wine with the girls, I
was confused as to why my legs weren’t that brown.... so I put another coating
on! To say I gave the Umpa Lumpa’s a run for their money in the orange stakes
is a massive understatement!!!!! Throughout the night I just turned different
shades of orange! You can actually mark the time frame of the night (based on
the photos taken), due to the shade of my skin. When I went back into work on
the following Monday, a colleague asked me if I had been on holiday over the
weekend.How anyone can think that
orange is a natural skin colour is beyond me. In fairness though I had also
turned up to this place of work with yellow and green tinges to my skin from
face paint, due to themed nights out, so I suppose that anything was possible.
So needless to say I have learnt my lesson the hard way on the fake tan front.

I was lucky growing up, to have
the beach practically on my doorstep. Many a summer was spent down the beach
either at lifeguards, (yes, this anti-exercise person was a lifeguard for a
couple of years in my youth! What can I say? I was young and naive), or
sunbathing and making up dance routines in the sea with my friends, (not one of
my finest moments, thrashing around to ‘I’m a survivor’ by Destiny Child! Mega
cringe). Although, this did spoil me
when we went on family holidays abroad! I was never interested in a trip to the
beach, I would much rather frolic around the pool or go and visit day markets
and see what nick knacks I could pick up. I went on a girly holiday to Gran
Canaria three years ago, with two other girls from home and another from
London. Whilst myself and the Porthcawl girls couldn’t see the fascination with
a day on the beach, the Londoner was in her element when we relented and went
to the beach for the day. To us it was just the same as back home, just with
less rain. I suppose it is true what they say – you don’t miss what you have
got. Regardless, I have many happy memories from my youth which revolve around
the beach. Just last week me and the gang took advantage of the weather and
went for a coffee down on the seafront and the smell of the salty air took us
all back to our beach days. The smell that lingered on your skin and in your
hair, long after you had left the beach and the noisy seagulls scrounging for
the leftovers of people’s sandy picnic lunches. I think this is a smell that
will forever remind me of my more innocent days. But, I also seemed to be able
to tan a lot easier when I was younger too! I was talking to Miss Koko about my
inability to tan my legs and she agreed that it did seem easier when we were
younger to tan. Whether it was just because we were constantly out in the sun
getting up to no good made it easier to tan, or the fact that with age our skin
has just naturally got paler (something I personally blame on the change in
climate to constantly grey skies), as we have both got older, it seems harder
for us to catch a tan. I will still battle on to acquire a natural tan for my
white legs! I will not be beaten by genetics, but may have to find a way around
the lack of sun right now....

So I hope we haven’t had the
last of our very British summer as I haven’t even been able to delve properly
into my very crammed wardrobe and dig out all my summer clothes. These clothes
deserve a chance to be worn surely and give my winter clothes a much needed
rest. So keep your fingers and toes crossed, do as many sun dances as you can
fit into your day and try and stock up on sun cream in an attempt to persuade
the nice weather to have an encore. If it works for bands, boosting their egos
until they come back on stage, then
surely the weather has to follow suit too?