In Demand Coachinghttps://indemandcoaching.com
Your Pathway to SuccessFri, 04 Mar 2016 03:36:57 +0000en-UShourly1Customer Servicehttps://indemandcoaching.com/customer-service/
https://indemandcoaching.com/customer-service/#respondSat, 17 Oct 2015 23:38:34 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=206Remember when customer service was actually a service? Those were the days as they say. Now, customer service often feels more like customer aggravation. Lately, I have noticed that many companies have a recording that says due to high customer volume you should call back. They at least use to give you a time range is which your call would be answered. Now, it’s call back. Yesterday, I heard a recording that gave me specific times in which I should call back. Seriously? What kind of service is that?

]]>Remember when customer service was actually a service? Those were the days as they say. Now, customer service often feels more like customer aggravation. Lately, I have noticed that many companies have a recording that says due to high customer volume you should call back. They at least use to give you a time range is which your call would be answered. Now, it’s call back. Yesterday, I heard a recording that gave me specific times in which I should call back. Seriously? What kind of service is that? I decided to hang on and see if I could get a rep on the line. It took all of 3 seconds for a rep to pick up. I wonder what happened to the extreme customer volume they were experiencing.

If you Google customer service, you will find sites for software companies selling their solutions. You will find articles from marketing folks writing about the 7, 8 or 10 secrets to customer service. What you will not find is any useful information about what constitutes good customer service. For example, offering strategies and behaviors that are important to have the customer feel they are well served. There was a time when the “customer was always right”. Now, is the time of “this is the way we do it, these are our rules and if the customer gets frustrated or aggravated, so be it”. At least for the most part.

There are some companies who truly provide a good level of service. American Express being one of them, in my opinion. If only, more companies would take their lead. The fact is the customer is not always right, this we know. However, customer service well done, allows for the customer to feel they were heard, and understood. In the end able to walk away feeling they were respected at least and at best achieved some level of satisfaction.

Customers are quite capable of hearing no when that is the answer, if they are treated respectfully. It is nearly impossible to hear no when a customer service rep keeps repeating the same answer over and over again because that’s what their script says. Even worse when one department of a company blames another department and transfers you to that department only to hear that person blame the first one. Better yet, how do you feel when you ask to speak to a supervisor and are told there are no supervisors. Or, after spending an inordinate amount of time being transferred from one person to the next and having to retell your story several times, you finally get to the right person feeling as though you are now going to get to a resolution. Then that person tells you that you need to gather more information. You ask for a direct line to call this person back and lo’ and behold there are no direct lines. And so it goes on and on and on.

And, here is the most frustrating part. There is nothing that any of us can do about it, right? Wrong. There are several things we can do both as business owners as and as consumers. One of the reasons I love doing business locally is because local business owners have the ability to design their businesses according to what they value the most. If you are a local business owner, be sure to think about how you would like to be treated as a customer. Design your customer service program around that and it will directly impact your bottom line. How you may ask? Because you will connect with people in a way that will cause them to want make you their go to business for the product or service you offer. Strive for them to feel respected, heard and serviced and you will have a long-term customer.

For consumers, do business with local companies. Reputation is everything to a local business. These owners take full responsibility for their outcomes, they believe and support their communities and they truly care about the customer experience. These are the people who work and live in the same communities as you do. When there is an issue they have skin in the game and want to make it right.

Now, there are times when we do not have any other choice but to engage with medium to larger companies like utilities, cable companies, large department stores etc. In those situations there is still something you can do. Before you place a call to customer service, prepare yourself by having all of your pertinent information together. Take a few deep breaths and choose the perspective you want to be in during the call. Choose how you will respond if you begin to get frustrated.

First, remember that the person to whom you speak is trying to make a living just like you. They are performing a job to the best of their ability, just like you. And they are doing so within the construct of company rules and regulations. They did not create the process, they are simply implementing it. They are not out to make your day miserable, they are just following the rules.

A good way to start a conversation is to engage them from the beginning as a person. Next time you initiate a call try opening this way. “Hi (use the persons name if it is given) my name is __________, how are you today?” If you are feeling frustrated, stop and let them know that you are feeling frustrated, Tell them politely and quietly what is frustrating you and what you would like instead. Keep your purpose in mind, be patient and compassionate with yourself and the other person on the line. Basically, treat them as you would like to be treated and you will be surprised by the result.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/customer-service/feed/0Transitionshttps://indemandcoaching.com/transitions/
https://indemandcoaching.com/transitions/#respondWed, 23 Sep 2015 23:36:26 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=204Here we are yet again transitioning from one season to the next. My summer was great and I hope yours was too. As much as I would like it to continue, I am also looking forward to what’s next. As the Bible says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…” Summer is for fun, relaxation and celebration. Local traffic decreases and resort area traffic increases. The weather calls us out of doors, we get lots of vitamin D, we feel physical better and emotionally more balanced. And, we are reluctant to let go.

]]>Here we are yet again transitioning from one season to the next. My summer was great and I hope yours was too. As much as I would like it to continue, I am also looking forward to what’s next. As the Bible says, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…” Summer is for fun, relaxation and celebration. Local traffic decreases and resort area traffic increases. The weather calls us out of doors, we get lots of vitamin D, we feel physical better and emotionally more balanced. And, we are reluctant to let go.

As soon as they days start to get slightly shorter, as the gardens begin to fade and leaves show tell tale signs of “things” to come, we say things like, “Oh no summer is over”. We post forecasts from the Farmers Almanac about the horrors of the upcoming winter. In other words, we miss what is left of this great time of year by focusing on everything we dislike about the upcoming seasons. And, in the process we totally miss making the most out of what is left of summer as well as the beauty that autumn will bring.

It is quite common for us humans to fall into our habitual patterns. It’s not wrong or right, it just is. The question becomes, does this work for you? Or, would you like to be able to be present exactly where you are and enjoy all the moments have to offer you? Transitions are not very easy for most of us. In order to create smooth transitions, it is important to be present so that you can clearly experience what is, without attachment to the outcome. That way, you can be open to whatever is supposed to happen next. For example, if you are totally present in your summer experience and fully enjoy what makes you happy, you will become fulfilled and ready to welcome what autumn has to offer without a feeling of “losing” what summer offers. What’s to loose you made the most of it and it’s simply time for a new experience.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/transitions/feed/0Dreams Do Come Truehttps://indemandcoaching.com/dreams-do-come-true/
https://indemandcoaching.com/dreams-do-come-true/#respondTue, 09 Jun 2015 23:34:59 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=202How many times have you wished your dreams could come true? How many times have you heard other people wish their dreams would come true? It’s almost as if we spend a lifetime wishing for something elusive, something “out there” somewhere. Judy Garland sang about it. Walt Disney built an entire industry around it. Books have been written about it, people deliver motivational talks about it. Others interpret them. And, yet, we still mostly believe that dreams are for dreamers.

]]>How many times have you wished your dreams could come true? How many times have you heard other people wish their dreams would come true? It’s almost as if we spend a lifetime wishing for something elusive, something “out there” somewhere. Judy Garland sang about it. Walt Disney built an entire industry around it. Books have been written about it, people deliver motivational talks about it. Others interpret them. And, yet, we still mostly believe that dreams are for dreamers.

What if I told you that dreams absolutely do come true? I’m curious about the various responses that question elicits. I know there are some that would absolutely agree with that question. Some may consider the possibility for a bit before responding. And, in my experience, most might say something like “What planet do you live on?”

I’m not talking about a dream that occurs in a sleeping state or a daydream. I am talking about the dream that is an aspiration, a goal, an objective. I am talking about the Walt Disney version of making dreams come true, only in the real world. It happened to me and it’s happened for many others.

Back in 1987 I had a dream of owning my own business. For twenty-years, I listened to my own fears and I let them drive me away from what I knew I wanted but was too afraid to attempt. It was through working with a Coach that I was asked one very simple question. What thrills you? My immediate response was, “Nothing that thrills me can make me money!” To which my Coach replied “How do you know?” Because, I said, “I need a regular pay check, I need benefits, I need security, and I have bills to pay and obligations to meet.” He asked me once again, “How do you know?” “I just told you”, I replied. He said, “You did not tell me how you knew, you told me what you are afraid of.” And, that was the turning point for me. That was when I learned how to lean into my fears, how to embrace them and make choices based on what I wanted and not what I feared. It allowed me to turn my long standing dream into my reality.

Then there is this wonderful woman I know, who found herself in a variety of life changing situations all at once. She lost her husband, and needed to fully support herself for the first time. At the same time for various reasons, she needed to change her career. She felt very lost and very stuck. As is always true for us human beings, she was lost and stuck in her fears. One day she described the job of her dreams and was asked what stopped her from going for it. She explained that it did not exist. It was a job she felt was quite necessary for a certain group of people. She knew the person who might be interested in her idea and when it was suggested to her that she approach him, she recoiled. She admired him; saw him as someone special and above her. Why would he listen to me, she asked. After all he is a world renowned individual. After a period of reflection, internal processing and help from a Coach she was able to see that her idea was quite valid. She began to research it more, developed a proposal and submitted it to him. Within a very short time, she did create the job of her dreams, moved out of state to pursue it and is traveling around the globe helping this special group of people.

So, I ask you, what are your dreams. They don’t have to be something hugely dramatic or life altering. It could be something quite simple. It might be something you already have the ability to create and just don’t know it. I once worked with an individual who owned a company and was successful at managing it. Yet that did not seem enough for him. You see, his dream was to be a CEO. He did not believe he had it in him and settled for being a good manager. Once he was able to see that he was quite capable, he had the intelligence and the desire, he just did not know how to make the necessary changes to become a CEO. Within a short six months, he was on his way to becoming a great CEO, which he is today. He simply needed to pull back the curtain, look inside and be willing to commit to doing what he needed to do to make his dream come true.

Our dreams can and do come true when we are willing, committed and brave enough to believe in them, do the hard work it takes to change because we know we’re worth it!

As Walt Disney says, “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” There comes a time when we need to stop talking about our dreams and do something, one step at a time is what it takes.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/dreams-do-come-true/feed/0What Happened to Kindness?https://indemandcoaching.com/what-happened-to-kindness/
https://indemandcoaching.com/what-happened-to-kindness/#respondTue, 19 May 2015 23:33:42 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=200In my work I have the opportunity to meet and get to know many people from all walks of life and all parts of our country and beyond. Several months ago, I began to notice an uncomfortable theme developing. Many people I met from outside of New England expressed a basic observation that people here are not very kind. They found it difficult to break into new groups and communities, to make new friends. This was especially true if they did not have children in school, or had yet found a church to join.

]]>In my work I have the opportunity to meet and get to know many people from all walks of life and all parts of our country and beyond. Several months ago, I began to notice an uncomfortable theme developing. Many people I met from outside of New England expressed a basic observation that people here are not very kind. They found it difficult to break into new groups and communities, to make new friends. This was especially true if they did not have children in school, or had yet found a church to join.

This began with one person who was quite distressed about living here. Like many people she was here due to a change due to her husband’s job change. She was starting a business of her own. Having grown up here and feeling very much part of the community, I dismissed it as one person’s experience. Then it happened again, and again. Then I noticed people, like me, who have grown up making similar comments. That’s when I began to pay attention. And, to my dismay, became very aware that this was all too real.

It wasn’t long before I realized that many of the issues my clients were bringing to their sessions were also tied to unkind behaviors. People making judging comments, self deprecating comments and even worse, public ridicule. And, most concerning, a general lack of basic courtesy. At the same time, I believe, most of us are kind hearted people. So, exactly what was happening? My curiosity drove me to do a little (unscientific) experiment of my own.

Every place I went I looked people directly in the eye and said hello or simply smiled. Here is what I found. It was difficult to make eye contact, most people looked down or straight ahead, completely distracted. Others made eye contact and immediately looked away. I held doors for people and few said thank you. In some cases I extended a compliment to a stranger and only a few engaged I conversation, others turned inward or away. On the very rare occasion, I would get an in kind response. It was fascinating to observe.

The point of all this is that kindness makes a difference. And, it makes a much bigger difference in business than we acknowledge. Many of my clients come to me because they are feeling mistreated at work. I’m not talking so much about major infractions. It’s typically more of a cultural issue. Many feel that the people don’t matter only what the people produce is important. And here is the dichotomy in that…people produce much more and much better when they experience kindness from their boss and when the culture of the company supports kindness and compassion.

Dr. David Hamilton reports that there are 5 Reasons to be Kind.

Being kind makes you happier both spiritually and biochemically. Spiritually because we know it’s the right thing to do and biochemically because acts of kindness elevates dopamine in our brains, which gives a sort of natural high.

It is healthy for the heart, because it releases nitric oxide, which dilates blood vessels and reduces blood pressure.

It slows down aging because the feeling of warmth and kindness generates oxytocin which reduces levels of free radicals and inflammation.

It creates better relationships by producing bonding experiences.

It is contagious; it’s like a pebble in the water creating the same desire to be kind in those around you.

We hear great stories about random acts of kindness. They make us feel good and they may even inspire us to do the same for others. Wouldn’t it be great to feel that way more often? Imagine how it would change how you feel on a daily basis?

If you are a business owner, treating your staff with kindness and encouraging them to pay it forward will increase your bottom line without a great deal of effort. This is one benefit that will cost you nothing and add to your ability to sustain and grow your company.

The bottom line is that we all benefit from being kind no question. Personally, my favorite definition of kindness comes from Aristotle; he said that kindness is “helpfulness towards someone in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself, but for that of the person helped”. That’s a far cry from the attitude of “What have you done for me lately?” that we hear about all too often.

My challenge to you is to be aware of how kind you are, or are not, and make it a conscious choice everyday.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/what-happened-to-kindness/feed/0Wake Up! It’s Spring!https://indemandcoaching.com/wake-up-its-spring/
https://indemandcoaching.com/wake-up-its-spring/#respondWed, 08 Apr 2015 23:30:40 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=198Spring is my favorite time of year! I love the light, the warmth, and the buds which remind me of rebirth, color, and sweet scents. It’s a time to begin anew, wake up and take action. I know I can hear you saying “Where do you see that? It’s cold; there are no buds, no sweet scents and feet of dirty snow.” I get it, I truly do. It’s been a struggle for me too, and I have allowed it to get to me a bit. Have you noticed a lack of motivation, a sense of winter never ending or a slight malaise? I have and I have finally had enough of the excuses I make for myself.

Spring is my favorite time of year! I love the light, the warmth, and the buds which remind me of rebirth, color, and sweet scents. It’s a time to begin anew, wake up and take action. I know I can hear you saying “Where do you see that? It’s cold; there are no buds, no sweet scents and feet of dirty snow.” I get it, I truly do. It’s been a struggle for me too, and I have allowed it to get to me a bit. Have you noticed a lack of motivation, a sense of winter never ending or a slight malaise? I have and I have finally had enough of the excuses I make for myself.

I am sick and tired of hearing about how long it will take the snow to melt, how horrible it will be if it melts too fast because we’ll have floods and how horrible it will be if it melts too slow because the growing season will be a disaster. And then there is the argument of global warming and this is the new norm. We haven’t even gotten through this yet and we’re being told to brace for the future. On top of that, most businesses are still recovering from the loss of revenue due to the winter. No wonder when I asked someone this morning how they were enjoying this beautiful spring day, they responded with a comment about how cold it was and how sick of it they were.

The fact is that nature is nature; it will do what it will do no matter how much we complain, catastrophize or make excuses. The other fact is that our bodies react to what nature creates. We were animals first, winter is for hibernation, spring is mating and giving birth, summer is for growing, and fall is for harvesting. Our bodies and our moods are affected by this. And, here is one more important fact, we can choose to be aware enough to recognize when nature is doing something a bit weird and we can choose to take action to counteract any adverse impacts.

As the beginning quote states, “No winter lasts forever, no spring skips its turn” and I would add “…unless you let it”. So, it’s time to leave the winter behind. Rather than paying attention to what feels wrong, let’s focus on the signs of spring that awaken us. The sun is high in the sky and although the air might still be chilly you can now feel the strength of the sun coming through a window or a windshield and enjoy the warmth. We now have almost four hours of additional daylight from the darkest point of winter. And, although the buds are slow in coming, we can buy flowers to brighten our homes. All of this generates positive energy.

Now that we’ve cleared all that up, let me ask you a question. What is it you want to take action on that you have not felt motivated to address? It might be several things, some big some small. Take a moment to list them out. Once you have done that prioritize them. What might be the one or two things you could take action on that would have the biggest impact on your business and/or your life? And here is the most important question, what will stop you from taking action, from springing forward?

That, my friends, is the key to success. Once you can be totally honest with what is holding you back, you become empowered to change it. Here is how. Write down what will stop you and then become curious about what options are available to you to break through the obstacle(s) in your way. Now you have a choice to make, commit to what needs to happen or blame yourself, others or circumstances for where you are. What’s the right choice for you?

It’s time to put this past winter aside, let nature take it’s course and choose to spring into your future. Will you join me?

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/wake-up-its-spring/feed/0The Human Conditionhttps://indemandcoaching.com/the-human-condition/
https://indemandcoaching.com/the-human-condition/#respondSun, 08 Mar 2015 23:28:56 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=196Welcome to March, a month that brings spring, more daylight, hope and motivation. We certainly need that after the challenges of this historic winter weather. Make no mistake about the impact this has had on all of us, physically and mentally. Not only are we weary of the added work and expense, our bodies are exhausted from the extra effort to keep warm in the extreme cold. Many of our businesses have lost money from cancellations, supplies not arriving, roads being closed and people just not willing to go out in the extreme cold. And, God bless all those who commute into the city using public transportation.

]]>Welcome to March, a month that brings spring, more daylight, hope and motivation. We certainly need that after the challenges of this historic winter weather. Make no mistake about the impact this has had on all of us, physically and mentally. Not only are we weary of the added work and expense, our bodies are exhausted from the extra effort to keep warm in the extreme cold. Many of our businesses have lost money from cancellations, supplies not arriving, roads being closed and people just not willing to go out in the extreme cold. And, God bless all those who commute into the city using public transportation. Yet we are all still putting one foot in front of the other, surviving and hoping for spring.

What if it were possible to thrive even through such tough times?

The human condition is struggling to keep-up with the conditions in which we live today. We are very challenged from working under too many stimuli, too many things to do, too much information to process, breathing in and ingesting toxins. Our bodies need to work much harder than ever to stay healthy. And, according to the Center for Disease Control two-thirds of us are physically weighed down by obesity and 95% suffer from lack of sufficient energy. It’s no wonder chronic disease is on the rise even in teenagers. The good news is there is a way to change this.

Margaret Moore, Wellcoaches Founder and CEO, in an article published in Coaching World Magazine, Issue 9, describes the Ten Capabilities of Being Human. Understanding these capabilities and how to relate to them can move you from surviving to thriving. Let’s explore them now.

It all begins with the ability to become Mindful. That is to use not only your Emotional Intelligence but also what psychologist Jim Gavin calls Body Intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is about being aware of how our emotions affect us and determine our behavior. Body Intelligence is the ability to read the cues and signals that your body gives you. Negative and positive emotions are felt in the body and when we pay attention to these messages we are then able to address them quickly so they don’t fester and cause negative thoughts and/or disease. All this takes is quieting the mind and focusing on your body. Where do you feel tightness, tingling, soreness? This is called being mindful. There are many resources available to learn about mindfulness techniques. Just Google mindfulness and you will find everything you need.

The next capability is Body Regulation. Your body needs a balance of energy to deal with chaos and challenge and calm to regenerate and renew the energy you expend. The challenge for you today is being pulled in so many directions you don’t honor or respect the need to rest. Something always needs to be done. The fact is this behavior is self defeating because when you don’t rejuvenate you get the same performance results you would by putting watered down gas in a high performance vehicle.

Autonomy is vitally important to motivation. You have a need to create your own destiny. It’s very important to do this wherever you can in your life. Determine your path, set your boundaries and keep marching to your own drummer.

Creating Meaning & Purpose is essential to your overall health and motivation. Studies using brain scan technology have proven that when people are working toward a specific purpose on something that has meaning, their brains light up on fire. They are in their most productive place.

Having healthy Relationships is another capability. Caring for and showing compassion to others creates a sense of calm, belonging and satisfies the need to nurture. This affects both your emotional and physical well being.

As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”. A strong sense of Confidence comes from using your innate skills and doing things that bring you satisfaction as well as learning new skills and competencies.

Having the ability to be Curious allows you to more easily try new things. Being curious also allows you to let go of fears and judgments. Watch young children as they develop, they are masters at being curious. Take a lesson from them and give it a try, your life will become more enjoyable.

Creativity is difficult for many adults because of your preoccupation with “to do’s”. Allowing the brain to unleash and just see what forms brings increased mental and physical health.

In order to be organized, regulate your emotions and keep you on track you need the Executive Function part of your brain to be strong and healthy. Especially for those who have attention deficit challenges. The best way to do this is to eat healthy, exercise and get enough sleep.

As humans we have a high need for validation, we are very social creatures and need to set Standards by which we can measure ourselves. This capability is important and is a double edged sword. It brings out the judge in us, the self-critic. Be sure your standards or clear and flexible. Its purpose is to help you accept yourself, be cognizant of letting go of self judgment or you defeat the purpose.

Spring is the time of year to clean out, organize and become playful. I hope you will take the time to clean out your old thoughts and allow yourself to consider these ten capabilities and how they can improve your life and your work.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/the-human-condition/feed/0Duality – Yes Andhttps://indemandcoaching.com/duality-yes-and/
https://indemandcoaching.com/duality-yes-and/#respondFri, 20 Feb 2015 00:26:05 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=194As I stood looking out on my deck this morning, in the middle of a blizzard, I was reminded of the duality we live in every day. I was amazed at the physical transformation that occurred while I slept. The birds were fun to watch. They seemed to be playing in the winds, dancing on the snow and fueling themselves with lots of seed. The swirls of snow caused by the winds were mesmerizing; it was like watching one of those videos where artists create something right before your eyes.

]]>As I stood looking out on my deck this morning, in the middle of a blizzard, I was reminded of the duality we live in every day. I was amazed at the physical transformation that occurred while I slept. The birds were fun to watch. They seemed to be playing in the winds, dancing on the snow and fueling themselves with lots of seed. The swirls of snow caused by the winds were mesmerizing; it was like watching one of those videos where artists create something right before your eyes. And, it had the power to cause serious damage, potentially life threatening in some areas. Good and evil, enjoyable for some and miserable for others. For some a time to be cozy with family and friends and frustrating for some who live alone.

Duality is a vast and deep subject. It is of the mind and of the physical state. For the purpose of this article, we will focus on its simplest form a state of two things existing in the same space. Duality impacts us on every level, our business, our personal lives and our relationships, most especially our relationship with ourselves. One example is the concept of Good and Evil or God and the Devil. Are they two separate things or are they two sides of the same coin? Another good example of this is the mind-body connection. In our culture, we focus on the mind and most of us do not pay attention to the wealth of information our bodies provide.

In our culture, we have been trained to respect our thoughts and the meaning the mind provides. We are not taught to listen to the other voice, the voice that comes from our intuition, our souls. That is the place of wisdom, the place where our true values live. So, when we use just our minds, we can often become confused, feel conflicted and get stuck in endless thought. It prevents us from making quick decisions, sound decisions or maybe even stops us dead in our tracks. By the same token if we focus totally on our intuition, we may be perceived as flighty, unrealistic, Pollyanna like. Another issue with making decisions only from our gut/intuition is that we may have a lot of false starts because we haven’t added fact and reality to the process.

The world we prefer to live in tends to be black and white. It sometimes seems so much easier that way. If only life was that simple yet we know that it’s not. If we go back to our blizzard metaphor, the snow is beautiful but inconvenient, but dangerous, but messy, but dirty, but fun to play in; the list can go on and on. Can you see how all these buts make things confusing and complicated? Can you see how each but generates a different feeling, how it can actually change your mood? Let’s now apply that to a business situation.

This is a true real life example. Let’s call this person Joe. Joe has had a successful business for several years. At one point, all of the marketing work he had done began to pay off. Business picked up in a consistent and sustained growth mode. One would think Joe would have been ecstatic, but he was not. He was overwhelmed. He was grateful, but felt incompetent. He was successful, but felt as though he was failing. He understood something needed to happen, but didn’t know what to do. Take a second and noticed how may “buts” were in the last two paragraphs. Each but represents good and bad, separate from one another. If you address only one it has an effect on the other, good or bad, who knows. Now, let’s look at what happens when we replace the word but with the word and, notice how it feels different.

Joe would have been ecstatic, and he was not. He was overwhelmed. He was grateful, and felt incompetent. He was successful, and felt as though he was failing. He understood something needed to happen, and didn’t know what to do. You see how these dualities exist together in the same space? When they exist together, it becomes possible to become curious and ask questions about what needs to happen next. For example, if you know something needs to happen but you don’t know what to do, where does that leave you…not knowing what to do. If you don’t know what to do and you know something needs to happen, it begs the question, what needs to happen. From there the door is now open to play with that question, to seek help from others. It’s no longer a dead end.

Your life and your business are not black and white; there is duality in thought and feeling every hour of your day. Would you rather be in circular thought, or would you rather be able to create another way of gaining clarity. If you choose the latter, I would suggest starting very simply by being aware of every time you say the word but and replace it with and. I’d live to hear how it works for you.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/duality-yes-and/feed/0A Year of Your Choosinghttps://indemandcoaching.com/a-year-of-your-choosing/
https://indemandcoaching.com/a-year-of-your-choosing/#respondSun, 11 Jan 2015 00:23:45 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=192Here we find ourselves at the beginning of another year, what a gift! A year that you have a chance to design, create and enjoy. I am not talking about New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions are promises we make to ourselves that we rarely keep for any length of time. Why? Because the ideas mostly come from statements that start with the words should, could or would. Things that others (read society, family, friends, doctors, consultants), tell us are best for us.

]]>Here we find ourselves at the beginning of another year, what a gift! A year that you have a chance to design, create and enjoy. I am not talking about New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions are promises we make to ourselves that we rarely keep for any length of time. Why? Because the ideas mostly come from statements that start with the words should, could or would. Things that others (read society, family, friends, doctors, consultants), tell us are best for us. Unless, we decide what is best for us, what we truly want to do and set goals that are specific, measurable, and attainable, that resonate with us, and have a time frame (S.M.A.R.T), we have very little chance of success.

The concept of celebrating a New Year began with the first calendar. The purpose of a calendar is to measure units of time, to organize societal proclivities and provide a sense of controlling time, as impossible as that is. So, every twelve months we have an ending and a new beginning. Think genesis, birth, and inception. These words connote a feeling of possibility and opportunity. That’s the sense that we have when we make our New Year’s Resolutions.

So, if that’s the case, why is it that when we reflect on the past, we tend to focus on what did not work, what went wrong, or what was unpleasant. That’s how we get to the should, would and could perspective to begin with. How many times have you heard comments like, “I can’t wait until this year is over. 2015 has to be better.” Better than what I ask? What is it that would be better? Are we hoping to make life’s challenges disappear? Do we want to live in nirvana? Do we think we can have perfectly happy lives and that our businesses will run perfectly all the time? No, of course we don’t.

I believe what we are all looking for is the serenity to accept what is, the courage to change what can be changed and the wisdom to know the difference. Many of you will recognize those words as the Serenity Prayer. It’s a prayer I have been saying every day for many years and it is truly powerful. Think about it. Many of our resolutions are based on trying to change things that we have no control over, or that we might want to do, but we need help and can’t accept that fact. It takes a lot of courage to change. It requires a deep commitment to a new state of being. It takes wisdom to know what is truly right for us and, most importantly; it requires faith, daring the soul to believe far beyond what your eyes can see.

Many of you have already reflected on the past year and may have already set up some resolutions. Whether you have or have not, I invite you now to create a plan for 2015 from this new perspective. Find some quiet space and time, try to empty your mind of any distractions and simply focus on one month or season at a time. Just notice what comes to you without judgment. Memories are not good or bad they simply are, until we place a label of good or bad on them. Feel free to jot them down if you’d like. Now, ask yourself what you would like more of in your life and your work? What options are available? Which feel right for you? What do you need to begin? Finally, what commitment are you willing to create these changes? It’s likely you will need help from others. Identify who those people may be, and be clear about what it is you need form them. We are not meant to go through the years of our lives doing everything on our own, by our selves. This can be particularly challenging for small business owners. Stop resisting and you will find a world full of people willing to walk with you.

Edith Lovejoy Pierce said, “We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” It’s time to start your book of opportunity, when you fill your thoughts with opportunity a positive energy is created and anything is possible.

Throw out the should, would, could vocabulary and make 2015 the year of I want, I need and I have! May your 2015 be filled with opportunity, achievement and success as defined by you and only you!

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/a-year-of-your-choosing/feed/0Your Holidays, Your Choicehttps://indemandcoaching.com/your-holidays-your-choice/
https://indemandcoaching.com/your-holidays-your-choice/#respondSat, 20 Dec 2014 00:21:41 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=190And so it begins, the holiday season! I wonder what that means for each of you. My hope is that you all had a great Thanksgiving and that you found time to reflect and be thankful for all that is positive in your life and work. It’s so easy to get caught up n the preparation, the celebration, the food and the football games, that we sometimes forget the purpose of the day itself. And so it is true from now through the New Year.

]]>And so it begins, the holiday season! I wonder what that means for each of you. My hope is that you all had a great Thanksgiving and that you found time to reflect and be thankful for all that is positive in your life and work. It’s so easy to get caught up n the preparation, the celebration, the food and the football games, that we sometimes forget the purpose of the day itself. And so it is true from now through the New Year.

There is so much to do at this time of year. Year end business requirements, holiday events (both work and social), gifts to buy, trips to plan, family to deal with and oh so many personalities. Each and everyone is stressed to the max. The question is does it truly need to be so? What else is possible? How would you like it to be? Let’s explore shall we?

In Buddhism and Zen practices, there is something called Beginners Mind. Shunryu Suzuki, the author of Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind says “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the experts mind there are few.” Think about that for a minute. When we are infants, everything is new. Isn’t it great to see an infant recognize something for the first time? You can see their curiosity, their excitement, confusion or even fear. They have no preconceived notions; no previous experience to dictate what is in the present because their past is very limited.

Beginners mind is what we come into the world with, then around four years of age or so, we discover our memory. From that point on, whenever we have an experience we’ve had before, our brain asks our mind to find the meaning of this experience. The mind goes to our memory center and picks out the pictures of our past and finds the appropriate one(s). So, now we know the meaning and each time we go through that process we begin to expect, and trust it more and more. We just know what we know and so shall it be. We have then become the expert, no matter what the situation we can predict what will happen.

And so, we either create wonderful expectations based on the positive memories, or we begin to dread the tasks ahead, the events ahead and mostly, we make up stories about how those around us will behave good or bad. It doesn’t matter who the players are or what the situation is. Business, personal, social, it’s all the same. We just know how it’s going to be period. The truth is it will be exactly as you predict, unless we want something different. That’s where the beginners mind comes into play.

Emptying your mind of any expectations regarding the holiday season ahead is the first critical step. There’s many ways you can do this, a very simple way is to decide to let it all go. Be grateful for the great memories and excited about making new ones. Reflect on what has always been stressful for you and focus on what you would like instead. At that point, you are ready to create a Beginners Mind.

What do I want instead is one of the greatest questions to ask yourself, with a lot of curiosity. Wonder about what these holidays truly mean to you. Be curious about how you would spend them, if no one had any expectations of you or you of them. It’s important to do this without judgment, especially of yourself. I am in no any way suggesting you become selfish. I am suggesting that you give yourself the gift of wonder. Let your Beginners Mind have some fun. Then, you can consider what might need to happen for you to have some of what you want, without disrespecting or disappointing anyone else.

For example, there may not be any way to avoid being with some people you would not otherwise choose to be with. However, there is most likely, a way you can be with them without engaging in passive aggressive behavior. You could simply make a commitment to yourself to be more present with others in the room. Or, if you are resentful of all the time it takes to decorate, figure out what the most important decorations are and only put those up. There are infinite possibilities and options; you just need to create the space to find them.

Finally, involve other people in your curiosity and wonderment. Involve your staff and employees in getting creative about goals and priorities on which to focus. What is enough and not too much? Set those boundaries. Involve your family and friends in ways in which they would like something different and plan it together.

These are your holidays and it is your choice, take full responsibility for what you want and how you want to be and you will be able to look back with gratitude and good memories rather than “I am so glad that’s over”. Life is short, enjoy these moments.

]]>https://indemandcoaching.com/your-holidays-your-choice/feed/0Be Grateful & Growhttps://indemandcoaching.com/be-grateful-grow/
https://indemandcoaching.com/be-grateful-grow/#respondThu, 13 Nov 2014 00:19:50 +0000http://indemandcoaching.com/?p=188What is gratefulness? Some might say it’s a concept or a value, others may say it’s an attitude, or maybe it’s a spiritual or religious practice. Like many words in our language, it has several meanings depending upon context and audience. In the philosophical, psychological, religious and spiritual context it is believed that gratefulness is the key to holistic health. In fact, there are many, including this author who have experienced very positive changes through the practice of gratefulness.

]]>What is gratefulness? Some might say it’s a concept or a value, others may say it’s an attitude, or maybe it’s a spiritual or religious practice. Like many words in our language, it has several meanings depending upon context and audience. In the philosophical, psychological, religious and spiritual context it is believed that gratefulness is the key to holistic health. In fact, there are many, including this author who have experienced very positive changes through the practice of gratefulness.

If you don’t fit into any of the groups listed above, perhaps you would be interested in a scientific study. In 2003, Robert A. Emmons Department of Psychology, University of California Davis and Michael E. McCullough, Department of Psychology, University of Miami, became curious about why people who have a high degree of faith and a prevailing sense of gratitude seem to have a much higher degree of satisfaction and holistic health. They created a study, which in its simplest form, had participants keep daily journals. One group wrote about everything they were thankful for during the day and the other group recorded everything that did not go well during the day.

As stated in the AFC News Source the results of the study showed “higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. According to the findings, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. McCullough and Emmons also noted that gratitude encouraged a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another.” Additionally, they found that these results are not specific to any religion or faith; they are pertinent to the general population, meaning that anyone can adopt this practice and transform their lives.

Imagine if you will, that all you had to do to feel good, to be positive and to increase your energy is to be kind to yourself and others. How hard can that be? Yet, we do not see it often, particularly in the world of business. By definition, business is competitive; it’s about making money, the bottom line, if you will. It’s about having the “whatever it takes” attitude to get things done well, on time and at the lowest cost possible. Can you see how this attitude is not amenable to kindness and gratitude? Why, you might ask, is this so important to the business community?

One way to answer that question is to read the study mentioned above and consider the scientific results, which prove that gratitude and kindness generates holistic health. A holistic approach to health is about understanding the multi-dimensional levels of humans. It’s about creating balance between the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual dimensions of humans. Fortunately, there are many companies and organizations that have created cultures based on gratitude, appreciation and respect for everyone. They will be happy to share how this has improved the bottom line. You don’t have to look very far, just walk into the nearest Market Basket.

There are so many things to be grateful for and it’s not only the good things we need to be grateful for, it’s important to be grateful for all that comes our way. It’s easy to be grateful for the good things in life. Normally, when I ask people what they are grateful for they list things like family, health, friends and things that bring them joy. My challenge to them, and you, is to find gratefulness in all your experiences. Living life to the fullest is about embracing it all, not just the fun parts. Here are some examples of things people have told me they are grateful for:

The fact that a mortally ill grandchild has provided his family an invaluable lesson about what is most important in life and the power of living moment by moment and appreciating everything.

More than one professional who has commented how grateful they were for being laid off because it freed them up to go after what they really wanted, but they never would have left on their own.

The business owner who was grateful for the lessons he learned from losing a huge client. It made him a better leader and a more successful CEO.

November is a month dedicated to Thanksgiving. I challenge you all to use this as an opportunity to become very conscious about what gratefulness means to you. Look for the things in your life that are important to you and write down what you are grateful for each day. You will find that when you adopt a gratefulness mindset, there is no place for negativity to reside. Negative things will happen but when you look at them through the perspective of gratefulness you will find the positive in the situation and be able to release negative thought patterns.

I am grateful to all who read this column and wish you and your families a very happy and gratefulness filled Thanksgiving.