Tuesday, February 10, 2009

RAD Valentines!

You are safe.You are loved.You will always be loved.I will never leave you.I see great hope for your future.I'm so glad I'm your mom.You are a gift from God.I wish you could see what I see when I look at you.You are so handsome.You are so smart.You are sweet.

All these are affirmations our children need to hear. They feel so bad about themselves. How bad does a child have to be to have a mom not want them? Not feed them? It is not their fault. SHE had the problems she did not deal with.

For Valentine's I am making each of my kids a little book. Nothing fancy. It will have an acrostic on the front of their name simialr to this:

TerrificAmiableZesty

On the inside it will say Why I love you and then all the pages will tell why. Give some special love on Valentine's Day. Don't expect anything in return. Just give it because it is from your heart.

I think that all too often, in the hustle and bustle, stress and education of daily life, this can be forgotten. So having a book filled with mom's love and why she loves them might help the children to go a long, long way.

Find an Attachment Therapist

Symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (as listed by Mayo Clinic)

"Reactive attachment disorder is broken into two types — inhibited and disinhibited. While some children have signs and symptoms of just one type, many children have both.

Inhibited type:In inhibited reactive attachment disorder, children shun relationships and attachments to virtually everyone. This may happen when a baby never has the chance to develop an attachment to any caregiver.Signs and symptoms of the inhibited type may include:Resisting affection from parents or caregiversAvoiding eye contactAppearing to seek contact but then turning awayDifficulty being comfortedPreferring to play aloneAvoiding physical contactFailing to initiate contact with othersAppearing to be on guard or waryEngaging in self-soothing behavior

Disinhibited type:In disinhibited reactive attachment disorder, children form inappropriate and shallow attachments to virtually everyone, including strangers. This may happen when a baby has multiple caregivers or frequent changes in caregivers.Signs and symptoms of the disinhibited type may include:Readily going to strangers, rather than showing stranger anxietySeeking comfort from strangersExaggerating needs for help doing tasksInappropriately childish behaviorAppearing anxiousA word of caution: Not all experts agree on the signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder. Some attachment therapists use checklists with numerous nonspecific signs and symptoms that go well beyond what the American Psychiatric Association includes in its definition of the disorder. Be cautious when trying to interpret checklists that include such symptoms as lack of eye contact, rage, aggression, lying, stealing, hoarding food, an apparent lack of a conscience, nonstop chatter, and a desire to wield control. These nonspecific symptoms are difficult to apply to any one diagnosis."

My own two children present their cases of RAD very differently from one another. A professional diagnosis is necessary as other disorders share some of the symptoms. If you are frustrated because your child has worked with a variety of therapists and a variety of treatments with no change maybe you should have him/her checked for RAD with an experienced Attachment Therapist. There is help. You are not alone.

Disclaimer:

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is a profound disturbance. If you suspect your child may have RAD please seek the professional counsel of an attachment therapist. Above you will find links that will hopefully help you find an attachment therapist. This blog is just my thoughts and ideas as an adoptive mom. I do not know your child and cannot be responsible for results from trying any ideas you find on this blog.

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About Me

I am a children's therapist from Nebraska. My husband and I have raised 5 children. Two were diagnosed with RAD. They struggle in many ways, but have grown to be productive members of society and living on their own. There is hope for your child.