Post by WindSister on Mar 9, 2018 7:55:46 GMT -5

I see it's been discussed in great lengths, so I suppose my suggestion is a mute point. I was going to suggest sub-forums.

It's just that there are clearly defined camps within this group:Stay and work on itStay and outsourceChoosing to leaveDivorced, post-SM (I'm very thankful this already a forum)

When I am in the Post-SM category, I don't need to speak for those still in a SM. If you are reading about happy relationships from people who have left, dating sagas, trying to make new relatiinships work, it's your prerogative, that's the safe forum for that.

When I am in the SM forum, I am sensitive to those posting there and where they are in the journey. But, among that, there's many paths people are taking. It would be helpful to know they are in the working on it phase, for instance, and probably helpful to them so they don't need to constantly defend or remind us of their choice.

I just feel as it is everyone gets the same responses but not everyone is on the same path. Sub forums let us know what room we are entering.

I get the points about not wanting to attract negativity with the stay and outsource option. Maybe "alternative options or alternative marriages" would suffice? Some have permission, some do not. But who is anyone to judge others? Don't enter the room if it's not your thing. Also make that members only, maybe?

Just thoughts. Take em or leave em.

Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. - Brene Brown

Post by hopingforachange on Mar 9, 2018 8:02:55 GMT -5

I see it's been discussed in great lengths, so I suppose my suggestion is a mute point. I was going to suggest sub-forums.

It's just that there are clearly defined camps within this group:Stay and work on itStay and outsourceChoosing to leaveDivorced, post-SM (I'm very thankful this already a forum)

When I am in the Post-SM category, I don't need to speak for those still in a SM. If you are reading about happy relationships from people who have left, dating sagas, trying to make new relatiinships work, it's your prerogative, that's the safe forum for that.

When I am in the SM forum, I am sensitive to those posting there and where they are in the journey. But, among that, there's many paths people are taking. It would be helpful to know they are in the working on it phase, for instance, and probably helpful to them so they don't need to constantly defend or remind us of their choice.

I just feel as it is everyone gets the same responses but not everyone is on the same path. Sub forums let us know what room we are entering.

I get the points about not wanting to attract negativity with the stay and outsource option. Maybe "alternative options or alternative marriages" would suffice? Some have permission, some do not. But who is anyone to judge others? Don't enter the room if it's not your thing. Also make that members only, maybe?

Just thoughts. Take em or leave em.

I'm not sure we need the other forums. Maybe we could add tags below the user name. So we can see which users are choosing what.

Post by saarinista on Mar 11, 2018 3:26:18 GMT -5

Has anyone ever suggested a subforum where we could just bitch and be negative about our spouses/situations? Sometimes, I just want to whine, even though it's not good to do that very often. But now and then, I think it can be okay just to vent about things for which there are no answers.

I think it would be nice to have a designated area for whining, however. I don't want to just whine in one of the regular areas because they're supposed to be solution oriented.

Hopefully this makes sense.

Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.

Post by WindSister on Mar 11, 2018 21:46:56 GMT -5

Has anyone ever suggested a subforum where we could just bitch and be negative about our spouses/situations? Sometimes, I just want to whine, even though it's not good to do that very often. But now and then, I think it can be okay just to vent about things for which there are no answers.

I think it would be nice to have a designated area for whining, however. I don't want to just whine in one of the regular areas because they're supposed to be solution oriented.

Hopefully this makes sense.

I get it. I just wanted to bitch about my husband's ex. Sometimes, you just need that.

I use disclaimers a lot.... preface it.... "no advice needed, I am just venting."

Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. - Brene Brown

Post by saarinista on Mar 12, 2018 20:47:59 GMT -5

Has anyone ever suggested a subforum where we could just bitch and be negative about our spouses/situations? Sometimes, I just want to whine, even though it's not good to do that very often. But now and then, I think it can be okay just to vent about things for which there are no answers.

I think it would be nice to have a designated area for whining, however. I don't want to just whine in one of the regular areas because they're supposed to be solution oriented.

Hopefully this makes sense.

I get it. I just wanted to bitch about my husband's ex. Sometimes, you just need that.

I use disclaimers a lot.... preface it.... "no advice needed, I am just venting."

Hey WindSister to be clear, I wasn't criticizing your "complaining." I'd like to whine more myself. To facilitate that, I was just thinking if there was a whining only forum, where we could whine without fear of being criticized for being "negative," then we could win with greater abandon!

Please forgive any typos or poor sentence structure. As I often say, you can have it perfect or you can have it now. Here, I choose now.

Post by WindSister on Mar 12, 2018 21:13:36 GMT -5

I get it. I just wanted to bitch about my husband's ex. Sometimes, you just need that.

I use disclaimers a lot.... preface it.... "no advice needed, I am just venting."

Hey WindSister to be clear, I wasn't criticizing your "complaining." I'd like to whine more myself. To facilitate that, I was just thinking if there was a whining only forum, where we could whine without fear of being criticized for being "negative," then we could win with greater abandon!

I didn't think you were criticizing. I was agreeing with you.

Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. - Brene Brown

10 members (out of 1,067 or 0.9% of members) contributing 31,048 posts (out of 94,103 posts or 33% of posts)

Further, most of the 10 most prolific posters are out of their ILIASM deals (like 7 out of 10)

Make of these figures what you will, but it would seem very very likely that any "newbie" who puts down their story here -(a) - is very likely to get a response from at least one of the above members(b) - that response is very likely going to be from a perspective of someone no longer in their ILIASM deal

10 members(out of 1,067 or 0.9% of members) contributing 31,048 posts (out of 94,103 posts or 33% of posts)

Further, most of the 10 most prolific posters are out of their ILIASM deals (like 7 out of 10)

Make of these figures what you will, but it would seem very very likely that any "newbie" who puts down their story here -(a) - is very likely to get a response from at least one of the above members(b) - that response is very likely going to be from a perspective of someone no longer in their ILIASM deal

What do you make of it ??

I usually make some sort of joke. It's my coping mechanism . Besides , I'm shallow and not very smart .

Post by DryCreek on Mar 30, 2018 1:33:01 GMT -5

baza, it's an interesting observation, for sure. I realized my own volume ranking a month or so ago.

For me, it's not so much a badge of honor, but a warning sign. For someone who's trying to make a conscious decision to stay and cope, I clearly spend far too much time thinking about it.

I'd like to think that much of my volume is directed at helping others, and providing me an outlet in the process. At the same time, it reflects a lot of time spent over a long period, which suggests that maybe I'm not doing so good at coping.

Which is why you don't see much of me on here lately. I'm trying to reassess why I'm really here, and whether that level of participation is actually helping or hurting my outlook. We shall see.

10 members (out of 1,067 or 0.9% of members) contributing 31,048 posts (out of 94,103 posts or 33% of posts)

Further, most of the 10 most prolific posters are out of their ILIASM deals (like 7 out of 10)

Make of these figures what you will, but it would seem very very likely that any "newbie" who puts down their story here -(a) - is very likely to get a response from at least one of the above members(b) - that response is very likely going to be from a perspective of someone no longer in their ILIASM deal

What do you make of it ??

40% ( or 50% counting baza going back to EP days) came to these sights still in a SM. We recieved the advice, support, and encouragement to get divorced.Hence it is helpful to continue to give and recieve advice and confirmation as we proceed with our own personal restorations.

It is " dissapointing" to see the % as low as it is. There are so many people and perspectives that I would 💘 love to hear from again.

Personally, I'm expecting full time employment and a different life to fill my time more and more. Giving me less time on here.I expect their will be those who will be glad to have me "gone" and then others who will miss me. Such is life.

Post by lwoetin on Mar 30, 2018 11:27:17 GMT -5

40% ( or 50% counting baza going back to EP days) came to these sights still in a SM. We recieved the advice, support, and encouragement to get divorced.Hence it is helpful to continue to give and recieve advice and confirmation as we proceed with our own personal restorations.

It is " dissapointing" to see the % as low as it is. There are so many people and perspectives that I would 💘 love to hear from again.

Personally, I'm expecting full time employment and a different life to fill my time more and more. Giving me less time on here.I expect their will be those who will be glad to have me "gone" and then others who will miss me. Such is life.

There comes a time to hand the reigns over to the next group!

Fill your time like fun between the sheets every night?You still need a break. And what other social media sites do you go....facebook, POF, Tinder,....? More entertaining than wewbwb, snowman, baza?

frednsa: i saw something on the wedding night (in the 60's) should have ended it during the honeymoon. i was played so perfectly. she is so wonderful in almost every other way, so...still wondering...thinking frigidity is a real thing and untreatableAug 29, 2019 12:07:04 GMT -5