"I like you" she said to me one day as we emerged from the
art gallery
whose staggeringly
brilliantworks
we'd been perusing in downtown
Napa
where I live in California's
wine country.
"Your
life works"
she said, "and you don't worry about anything, and you don't care about
anything.". "You got two out of three right" I said "but as far as
your 'you don't care' goes, I think you're blurring two
distinctions which are fundamentally different. I don't worry. You're
right. But I do care. And there's a
world
of difference between the two.".

"So you don't worry because your
life works?"
she asked. "No, it's not that" I said, "and if you don't
mind
me saying so, not worrying because your
life works,
is a recipe for disaster. No, you don't worry not because your
life works.
The 'because' is a
superstition.
If anything, you don't worry because you don't worry. The one's
got
nothing
to do with the other.". "When did you stop worrying?" she asked,
"Actually what I really want to know is
how
did you stop worrying?".

Anything is limited when seen from a narrow
point of view.
Three people are looking through
holes
in a fence. The first person, looking through the smallest
hole,
says "There's an
eye
on the other side of this fence.". The second person, looking through a
bigger
hole,
says "No, it's twoeyesand a
mouth.".
The third person, looking through the biggest
hole,
says "You're both wrong: it's an
elephant.".
Like that, the
answer
to her
question
(at least from a narrow albeit profound
point of view)
is you stop worrying by stopping worrying ie you stop
worrying by not worrying any more. Worrying belongs in the class
of behaviors I call "behaviors to drop" along with smoking
tobacco and drinking alcohol, to name but two. When I saw there was no
value in it for me, I dropped it.

"Yeah ... but
how
did you drop it?" she persisted. "I know it may sound trite" I said
"given that was the narrow
point of view
through the smallest
hole
in the fence, but one morning I woke up into a beautiful, sun-streamed
day. I was enjoying just lying there basking in the sunlight. And then
I had a thought about my taxes which were due (it was that
time
of year), and instantly I was consumed with worry, almost as if by a
chain-reaction
ie by a rapidly escalating
chain-reaction.
I was worried about having to divert
money
from other essentials in order to pay my taxes. And I had all the
doubts and all the
fear
and all the trepidation going on, not to mention a tightening knot in
the middle of my solar plexus. I hated it. My whole day,
which started off so beautifully, was heading for big
trouble.
Then suddenly I heard myself saying
'Laurence,
just pay your
god-damned
taxes, dude. Worrying doesn't help anything.'. So I stopped
worrying - just like that. That's when I found out I have the
power
to stop worrying, as well as
the way
to stop worrying:
the way
to stop worrying is by stopping worrying.".

"OK" she said, "but what if you can't pay your taxes?". I
smiled. It was her almost inevitable token "What if
...?" (she'd already
used up
her "Yeah ... but ...", so of the three, she
still had her "How about ...?" left). That's
when I said "Well, if that's really the case, what good will
worrying about it do you? What difference will it make?". She
pursed her lips, then opened her
mouth
to say something ... and then shut it again ... then opened it ... then
shut it. A long minute or three went by.

There are bigger
holes
through which you can look through the fence. Through the biggest
hole,
you'll see that if you don't (or can't) pay your taxes, there's an
action
you'll have to take. You'll take this
action
(whatever it is) or not, yes? Yet whether you take
action
or not, worrying about it either way won't make any difference. So,
like smoking and drinking, you may as well drop it - just like that.
The world
doesn't
move
for you when you worry. It only moves for you when you
act.

She
listenedintently
all the
time
I was
speaking,
without interrupting. After I
finished,
I
waited
to see if she
would
respond. She did, holding up her left index
finger
in front of her
face
(not
pointing
at me - rather gesturing she'd just
gotten
something), and said "I always knew worrying never did me any good.
It's somehow meant to make a difference, and yet it never
does, does it? In spite of that, I continue doing it. I don't know
why.
It's truly addictive. As you say, it's like smoking tobacco and
drinking alcohol. But I already knew all that. What I
didn'tget
until now is
the world
doesn't
move
for me when I worry. It only moves for me when I
act.".

"Ain't it
the truth?"
I said, "And now do you
get
the difference between not worrying, and not caring?". "I do now,
clearly"
she replied, "Thank you!". "You're welcome" I said, "but don't thank
me. Thank
Werner.".