Torchwood: Of morals and mortals

FLASH TO BACK, PEOPLE. It is 1927 and it is Ellis Island. A clerk calls out for Jack Harkness, and someone who is most certainly NOT Capt. Jack steps forward claiming that he is Jack Harkness. This subterfuge lasts for about 5 seconds before Capt. Jack tackles his imposter to the ground and explains and proves to the authorities that he is, in fact, the real Jack Harkness, and that he is there on Very Important Official Business. Apologies are made, and Capt. Jack’s impersonator is carried off to a holding cell, to be deported back home.

However. When Capt. Jack tackled Not!Jack to the ground, there was a moment, a spark there. Which is how Capt. Jack finds himself chatting with the temporarily incarcerated Not!Jack, also known as Angelo Colassanto, an Italian immigrant fresh of the boat, and now, looking at another giro in barca lungo right back to the homeland. Angelo compliments Capt. Jack on his very good forged visa, and Capt. Jack wonders why Angelo didn’t tell the officials. Angelo admits that he didn’t know that it was un falso until just that moment. Way to show your hand, Capt. Jack!

Capt. Jack explains that he’s on an unofficial official government visit, and when Angelo wonders if he’s a bureaucrat, Capt. Jack explains that he’s more like a soldier. Capt. Jack compliments Angelo’s English, which, it should be noted, is considerably more comprehensible than any of our Welsh friends’ accents. Angelo explains that he went to the school master every day for English lessons, his head filled with dreams of coming to America to see New York’s tall buildings. Capt. Jack, having taken una simpatia to Angelo, uses his fancy wristband to change the visa to add Angelo’s name, greatly alarming Angelo. Whatever! It’s tecnologia! No biggie! Let’s go to Manhattan!

Capt. Jack and Angelo rent a room from a charming old Italian woman, and then proceed to get all kinds of sexytimes on. They then cuddle and talk about Angelo’s insecurities about being exposed as a homosexual, and the weird blood spot on his eyeball that he was born with. Capt. Jack explains that he’s from a “magical island” called Torchwood, which he admits doesn’t make any sense, but does make him more interesting. Intimacy! They haz it! And then Fourth of July fireworks go off because, symbolism.

Capt. Jack and Angelo sit in a cathedral while a young couple marry, and Angelo, who is Catholic, is mopey because he feels cut off from God’s love on account of being gay. Capt. Jack doesn’t have time for that, though, he’s headed into the confessional booth to have a little chat with a priest. It’s not to talk over sin, of course, but rather to work out some bootlegging transactional details: Capt. Jack and Angelo are there to buy some sacramental wine from the good father, with the proceeds going to widows and orphans, of course.

However, Capt. Jack and Angelo’s extracurricular activities attract the attention of large men in fedoras who are unhappy about them encroaching on their business. The boss, some cigar-smoking stereotype named Sal, is ready to kill them both until Capt. Jack explains that he’s willing to do any sort of odd, strange or dangerous job that Sal might have. And because we only have so much time to tell this story, Sal improbably agrees, sending Capt. Jack on a mission to steal a box from warehouse. BUT WHATEVER HE DOES, CAPT. JACK IS NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK INSIDE THE BOX. Sure! Of course! Whatever to advance the plot along!

Capt. Jack and Angelo return to the apartment, where Capt. Jack busily begins packing Angelo’s things, because it’s time for them to part ways. Capt. Jack explains to an incredulous Angelo that Sal and his men have stumbled across something they are not supposed to have, and Angelo realizes that Capt. Jack planned his capture. Angelo insists on helping Capt. Jack, arguing that Capt. Jack couldn’t possibly change his life any more than it already has been just by virtue of his being in America. So Capt. Jack reconsiders, begins unpacking Angelo’s clothes and explains that he has a friend, a doctor, who explores the world with a companion. It seems nice.

At the designated warehouse, Capt. Jack and Angelo discover the appointed box in a refrigerated container. Capt. Jack opens the box, because of course he does, and inside are a bunch of giant brain parasites. He explains to an amazed Angelo that there is a plot by a group called the Trickster’s Brigade to use the parasites on Franklin D. Roosevelt, a future President, who will be driven insane just in time for World War II, thereby altering human history. And Angelo is all, OK, SURE, FIDANZATO MISTERIOSO! I ACCEPT ALL OF THIS WITHOUT ASKING A BUNCH OF FASTIDIOSE DOMANDE! Capt. Jack douses the parasites with some sort of poison, and Mission Accomplished!

Except not. On their way out of the warehouse, they are spotted by some cops, who shoot Capt. Jack in the head and ask questions later. Angelo is quickly captured by them, and as he’s loaded up into the paddy wagon, he watches Capt. Jack die.

Except not. Capt. Jack is immortal, after all, and with a gasp (and a bit of a headache) he returns to consciousness.

A year later, Angelo is released from Sing Sing, and is greeted by a waiting Capt. Jack. O HAI! says Capt. Jack. DIO MIO! says Angelo. Capt Jack explains that yes, it may have seemed like he died, but he didn’t! This is the best of Capt. Jack’s many secrets! He’s alive! And he’s come back for Angelo — which is something he’s never done before.

They go back to the old apartment, and begin the sexytimes, BUT THEN, DIO MIO, ANGELO STABS CAPT. JACK IN THE SIDE! AIIEEE! Angelo yells that Capt. Jack is il diavolo, and stabs him again in the gut, “killing” him. When Capt. Jack comes to, he is being watched by Angelo and the little Italian Lady and her husband who are quite alarmed to see him come back to life. DIO MIO! IL DIAVOLO! they yell, and then they stab him again for good measure. When he awakens again, he is hanging in a basement, surrounded by a larger group of Italians. DIO MIO! they exclaim. IL DIAVOLO! they cry out. And then they shoot him through the heart. Rinse and repeat.

Eventually, Capt. Jack comes to and finds three men discussing his very intriguing condition, and agree to pay the butcher $10,000 for him. Shall they go into a partnership together? They agree, and then grasp each others’ arms in a triangular fashion. And then the butchered Capt. Jack passes out again.

When he awakens, Angelo is with him, and full of scuse. They went pazzo! It was sete di sangue! Angelo takes the bloodied clothes off Capt. Jack, he washes his bloodied feet, he offers him clean clothes. Capt. Jack asks about the three men who made an agreement, but Angelo, non sa niente. Together, they leave the basement, and Capt. Jack hurries to the roof to retrieve his gun and his all-important jacket which he stashed away. Now it is time for Capt. Jack to move on without Angelo. A long time ago something happened to change Capt. Jack, it turned him into a fixed point in time. He can not die, but he can suffer and perish. Angelo, however, will die and therefore, it’s best they just end this now. Because the thing is, it always ends this way for Capt. Jack. Men like Angelo always kill him. And with that, Capt. Jack falls backwards off the roof of the building, apparently to his death. But obviously not, because by the time Angelo scurries down the stairs, Capt. Jack, se n’è andato.

In the present day, we relive the scene wherein Gwen is instructed to bring them Capt. Jack. And remember, Gwen, THEY ARE WATCHING.

At the Venice Beach Torchwood HQ, Babe notes that Dr. Caliente’s death video has racked up 5 million hits so far, and it seems to be making a connection with people. Rex mopes some about her death, and how it didn’t actually change anything: the politicians have merely paused the death camps, not eradicated them. Around this time, Gwen barges in and demands that Capt. Jack come talk to her about something in the car. Alone.

Where she tases him. ZZZZT!

As she drives, Expedition Radio News informs us that Oswald Danes has urged for the swift return of the Category policy. When Capt. Jack awakens, feet and hands properly tied up, Gwen explains to him that They have her family, and want him in exchange. Capt. Jack demands to speak to the lenses, and informs Them that if They set Gwen’s family, he will come to Them alone. JUST JACK. They just have to set Gwen’s family free.

Gwen, understandably, is peeved at Capt. Jack and demands that he figure out what it was, exactly, he did to get them all in this situation. Capt. Jack, who has lived for quite some time, has a lot of material to go through. In the meantime, he wonders if she remembers exactly how They structured Their instructions to her: perhaps they can glean some clues as to whom they are dealing with. Gwen, more focused on her family’s safety, didn’t actually notice, and Capt. Jack quips that she’s Welsh, she wouldn’t have noticed if the vowels were missing. JUST, WORD, CAPT. JACK. WORD TO YOUR MOTHER WHO HASN’T BEEN BORN YET.

Capt. Jack suggests that they reset his wrist thingamabob so that they track down Gwen’s Adorable Baby, but she quickly susses out that he’s lying. They chime in, “HE ALWAYS LIES,” and Gwen notes that whoever They are, They know Capt. Jack well.

Gwen then swings wildly in the other direction blaming herself for this whole situation. She loved the excitement of Torchwood, of how it made her feel important and a part of something huge and significant, and like a survivor. But she will have Capt. Jack know that if it comes down to it, she’d see him killed like a dog rather than allow her daughter be hurt. Capt. Jack informs her that similarly, now that he’s mortal, he’s unwilling to die, and he’d gladly see her dead than give this all up. They agree that they now know each other better than they ever had before.

The pair arrive in the countryside outside of Mesa, California, get out of their car, and watch as an SUV approaches. Gwen asks Capt. Jack what the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen was, anywhere in the universe. Capt. Jack describes a firebird, a bird smaller than a hummingbird, literally made of fire. It only lived for a minute, but it blazed different colors until it became too bright, you have to close your eyes. And when you open them? It’s gone. But the image stays behind your eyes longer than it lived. (And I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this, other than to retell the story because it’s so pretty, but mortality, immortality, phoenixes, blah blah blah.) Gwen notes that he lived more lifetimes than anyone she’s known, but for Capt. Jack, it’s still not enough.

The SUV arrives, and out pops a couple of serious-looking security dudes and a well-dressed woman. But before they can reveal their intentions, one of the guards is hit with sniper fire. It seems Rex and Babe, suspicious of Gwen’s weird behavior, checked the contact lenses, discovered the transcript between Gwen and Them instructing her to bring them Capt. Jack, and decided to track and follow them and save the day. Hooray!

Meanwhile, in Wales, Andy and the other Welsh cops storm Momma Gwen’s house and save the day. Hooray!

SUV Lady, however, is undaunted by the turn of events, and explains that this changes nothing, because she can take Capt. Jack to the one man who knows how the Miracle began: Angelo. He’s been waiting for un tanto tempo.

And so here we are, with a man named for the angels who feels disconnected from a loving God who has been some part of the Miracle all along. This is why I’ve been so focused on the religious implications of this show: because somehow, in some way, they are ultimately important to the story that is being told.

Now, obviously, Angelo isn’t working alone. The triangle men (if that’s indeed what they are) in the basement who agree to buy Capt. Jack are clearly a large part of whatever is happening. But the spurned Angelo, the good Catholic, God-loving, devil-fearing Angelo, abandoned not only by his Jesus (Nice Christ imagery with Capt. Jack, by the way; between the pose in the picture above, his wounds, his torture in front of the angry crowd and the washing of his feet, it’s practically the Stations of the Cross up in here.), but by the closest thing to a miracle, to an angel, he has motivation to so something dramatic, to change the rules. If, Capt. Jack and Angelo can’t be together because Capt. Jack can’t die, perhaps there is some way Angelo can make all things equal: either by making himself immortal, or Capt. Jack mortal.

Or perhaps this is about revenge: perhaps Angelo, spurned by both the man and the God that he loved, perhaps he sought to kill them both. And by working with whomever these triangle men were, perhaps he’s done just that. By making men immortal, God was wiped from the stage; and as Capt. Jack himself explained, men like Angelo, they always kill him.

But who are these men, these triangle men? I noticed when they were communicating with Gwen, they told her they were “watching,” which, of course they were, through her own eyes. But it caught my attention because in the Old Testament “Watchers” is another term for angels. In the Book of Daniel, Watchers are just your regular ol’ run of the mill angels. But there is a non-canonical book, the Book of Enoch, which spends most of its time describing the Watchers, who were fallen angels who were cast from Heaven when they chose to mate with human women and teach forbidden knowledge. Interestingly, the Book lists the names of the Watchers, reminding me of the hitman’s curious comment that they had names once.

Again, I need to be clear that I don’t think that in the Doctor Who universe we are talking about actual angels, fallen or otherwise. I’m fairly certain whomever these triangle men are, they are extraterrestrial in origin. But perhaps, to give themselves context for the Earthlings they encountered, they took the name “angels” rather than be labeled “devils” or “demons” per poor Capt. Jack’s experience. Humans are known for over-reacting to that which they don’t understand.

It’s also possible that the writers threw us a bone when Capt. Jack tells Angelo that the Tricksters Brigade were behind the brain parasites, but I think that was more a red herring than anything. The true significance in that scene was the box itself. Not what was in it, not who was looking for it, just that pandora’s box.

Sal warns Capt. Jack not to look inside the box, just as Pandora is warned not to look into the box given to her by Zeus. And of course, Capt. Jack and Pandora both ignore this instruction, thereby releasing terrible things onto humanity. Capt. Jack’s mistake is not so much opening the box and looking inside; it was opening the box with Angelo by his side and showing him the wonders therein. When Capt. Jack changed his mind and chose to keep Angelo as his companion, when he chose to share his secrets, it was his greatest mistake. Instead of walking away as he intended, Capt. Jack opens the box, spills its fantastic secrets and unleashed something that he could no longer contain: Angelo. Knowledge is a powerful weapon, and once Angelo is exposed to Capt. Jack’s many secrets, Angelo is able to wield Capt. Jack’s mysteries against him.

Still, I don’t understand what the Watchers are after, besides their lost prize in Capt. Jack. As noted, Angelo has plenty of motivation to become immortal and/or strip Capt. Jack of his mortality. But what’s in it for the non-humans, exactly? Making humanity immortal just to burn them in a bunch of ovens seems like a long way to go to capture one quippy time-traveling con-man.