68 Teams Show Up to Play In NCAA Title Game Blasting “I’m the Man” on Their Beats by Dre Headphones

Mass chaos has erupted before tonight’s NCAA Tournament title game, as all 68 teams who made the Tournament have showed up in Dallas expecting to play for a championship.

“We don’t listen to the critics and haters,” Duke freshman Jabari Parker shouted, unaware he was speaking so loud due to wearing headphones. “We know we’re the man. You can tell everybody,” he added singing along to the music coming from his headphones.

Unfortunately for Parker and Duke, they were eliminated in the Round of 64 by Mercer. Ohio State also was one-and-done, but that didn’t stop point guard Aaron Craft from taking the court this morning with his Buckeyes teammates — and some thousand other players from the 68 teams in the Tournament — for a shoot-around while blasting Aloe Blacc’s hit on their Beats headphones.

“We’re trying to get them off the court and explain to them that they are not the best, but they seem oblivious to fact or reason,” said a Final Four spokesman. “They either ignore us completely or tell us that we’re below them and they don’t listen to ‘haters.’ It’s kind of a blow to your self-esteem to be ignored by a bunch of college kids.”

A few minutes later, the spokesman was seen sitting courtside with his own pair of headphones on and loudly singing about his own greatness, seemingly without a care in the world.