Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Making Life, Making Friends: 5 Reasons Making Friends is Hard

It has been almost a year since I've bothered to put anything here. I've been busy and I've been private. I've been an open book for so much of my life that I finally got far enough to need to close it. Recently, however, someone who means enough to me that I give their thoughts some weight suggested I write it out again. Which makes it really hard to decide where to start.

I think it has become apparent that I have a focus on relationships and how we deal with them, but how much can you actually say about it? So I have a weird way to approach it. The most important thing I think I've done since the last time I wrote is to get a dog. His name is Huxley Maddox and he is the closest thing to perfection that I've ever known.

He is handsome and smart and perfect and everything I could have hoped for in a companion. He is always here for me and always happy to be in my arms. He's protective (although bad at it), loving, and empathetic to a fault. He also likes napping, which allows me to do things like write this blog with him in my lap. Basically, he seems to be exactly what a younger me would have thought was perfect in a friend. Yet, I've grown as any healthy person should. I know that friends should not necessarily be so simple.

Being in a new city where I know exactly no one makes it hard to find and enjoy friends. Everyone I know is someone I've met through my husband's new job. Making friends on my own is hard, and I've tried to figure out why. I'm generally a friendly person. I'm nice and kind and do all that I can to be the kind of person that I would like to know. These are just some of the reasons I've found that it is difficult for me to make a true and lasting friendship.

1. People are unpredictable.

Another lovely trait of human beings. They surprise you. Sometimes in a pleasant way, sometimes not so much. You can develop a relationship based mostly on what you give, and when it is time to reciprocate they may not be there. Or the opposite may happen. You may grow to know a person through the wonderful they do for you, but when it is time to help them they cannot accept your efforts.

2. Common interests are hard to find.

This may be where my pretension comes out, but it can be very hard to find things in common with another person. Sure, we have simple hobbies and can connect on that level, but I'm used to connecting with people on a deeper and more intellectual level. This is hard when I now live in Tennessee and see people with staunchly different views.

3. Commitment is hard to create.

I'm 26, nearly 27. At this age we have the commitments we've chosen to keep, for the most part. A husband, children, careers, etc. Adding something new into the mix is hard for anyone, myself included.

4. I haven't settled down yet.

Yes, I'm married. Yes, I have a career. Yes, I've gotten my masters degree. Yes, I have a home to keep and things to take care of. All of these things are true, but I'm not finished. I have more to do in my life and I'm not ready to say I'm done, so my life will continue to change. When most other people are content in their lives it can be hard to keep up.

5. People are not what we want them to be.

This is not to say that people are not great. They are wonderful! Still, people cannot be expected to give you what you give them, or be what you'd like or expect.

These things being said, I will be making more of an effort to accommodate new people into my life. I am trying to put down roots here, and part of that will be making friends.