Newspaper satire for the Bass Lake area.

Hospital plans downsizing

Happy days aren’t here again for some hospital employees. (Photo illustration)

Regional Corporate Hospital has planned a “somewhat major” downsizing, officials said early today (or late Thursday).

The decision will affect approximately seven half-dozen associates, said a spokesman for late ex-CEO Krem Greebler.

Many specialists will remain on staff, including Ward Unit, director of evasive surgery, and Phoetis Geriatris, maternity-ward doctor and elderly-nurse practitioner.

“I’m relieved that my position has been retained,” Unit said. “Then again, I wasn’t worried much in the first place.”

In related news, RCH officials plan to open a branch office somewhere nearby, designed as a walk-in clinic (by appointment or invitational only).

It’s the second cost-reduction measure at the hospital within the past year. In October 2014, preparations were made to eliminate the emergency care department, effective Jan. 1. And that’s exactly what happened.

That move proved successful to this point, said acting CEO Vinewood Lancaster.

“It has worked smoothly,” Lancaster said. “Except for when it hasn’t.”