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When we started dating about 55 years ago it was music (although not piano) that formed a common interest. Although both of us had piano lessons as kids, by high school she was a violist and I a trombonist.

After college our careers/family took over and we drifted away from music performance, although my wife did find time to take piano lessons on and off for several years. Then about 2 years ago we both decided that piano playing would suit out present circumstances. As a 50th wedding anniversary present we gave each other a rebuilt Steinway "A". Now we are both ardent pianists. We play regularly with a local group of amateur musicians. Through that group we have played at a retirement community and expect to continue to do so.

We do own a second piano (a DP) which sees lots of use early in the mornings and frequently both are in use at the same time (headphones are great during these occasions). There is no competition. I acknowledge that she is much more advanced than I. But her constructive criticism helps me to focus on the important facets of learning. The only downside for me is a desire to be able to play as well as she. But I think even that's a positive as it encourages me to work harder, knowing what is possible.

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Steinway 1905 model A, rebuild started 2008, completed 2012Yahama CVP-401Will somone get my wife off the Steinway so I can play it!

For us, (32 years), it was not common interests but parallel ones and a common moral compass. He likes rock, I love classical. I play piano, he is tone deaf. I teach science, he's a businessman. But we both love to read and do so by the hour - but he reads about history and sports and I read everything else. We both love the outdoors. We both need intellectual stimulation and we both work hard on relationship communication and improvement. We're both open to constructive criticism and we let each other change and grow. He watches a ball game while I practice. I go to baseball games with him and he comes to concerts with me.

32 years of bliss? Well, mostly, but no marriage is perfect and there were growing times when things were less than idealic, but it's been worth it and life is good.

The "two-body" issue: We're both lawyers and both musical also. We have performed together, but neither of us is a pro.

I think what's most important in instances where you have a relationship with the "two body issue" is MUTUAL RESPECT. Career-wise, we both genuinely think the other is a better lawyer (I know I'm right... I'd NEVER want to face her in court!).

And musically speaking, we have different talents that we both have great respect for in the other: she's a natural singer with amazing pitch, control, range, the whole package. It just comes out of her and I'm amazed. She feels likewise about my theory knowledge and instrumental skills.

I think the real difficulty would be if one partner were vastly superior to the other in ability, and you both knew it. That would take some maturity and effort on both sides to make it work, I think.

For us, (32 years), it was not common interests but parallel ones and a common moral compass. He likes rock, I love classical. I play piano, he is tone deaf. I teach science, he's a businessman. But we both love to read and do so by the hour - but he reads about history and sports and I read everything else. We both love the outdoors. We both need intellectual stimulation and we both work hard on relationship communication and improvement. We're both open to constructive criticism and we let each other change and grow. He watches a ball game while I practice. I go to baseball games with him and he comes to concerts with me.

32 years of bliss? Well, mostly, but no marriage is perfect and there were growing times when things were less than idealic, but it's been worth it and life is good.

+1

What I am about to tell you has happened more than once: My son (23), daughter (17), wife and I find ourselves in the living room at the same time. THIS IS RARE. It happens incrementally--one person comes in and sits down, then another. Funny thing is, each person sits down to read something. Then, someone will notice how quiet it is. One of us looks up, catches the eye of another, who catches the eye of another, and pretty soon we're all laughing together because we realize we all had our nose in a book in the same room at the same time! "Shouldn't we be talking ?"

Actually my first love was an organist. I was sixteen. He was twenty-four. We were in an amateur opera company together. My parents wouldn't let him take me out so we would sit on the sofa in my parents' living room and listen to old Mario Lanza recordings. How old fashioned is that?

So what happens if an amateur, who is just OK at the piano, marries an expert professional pianist? Suppose they are not competitive because the amateur has a career of their own going, but would lack of his/her proficiency at the piano drive the professional crazy? Would the professional get annoyed from hearing average/mediocre playing in the house?

What I am about to tell you has happened more than once: My son (23), daughter (17), wife and I find ourselves in the living room at the same time. THIS IS RARE. It happens incrementally--one person comes in and sits down, then another. Funny thing is, each person sits down to read something. Then, someone will notice how quiet it is. One of us looks up, catches the eye of another, who catches the eye of another, and pretty soon we're all laughing together because we realize we all had our nose in a book in the same room at the same time! "Shouldn't we be talking ?"

Your house sounds like my house. Being a parent has taught me that kids don't learn by listening to what you say. They learn by watching what you do and observing how you live your life. It's not necessary to be talking all the time. Sitting together reading comfortably in silence is a very reassuring and intimate kind of communication.

So what happens if an amateur, who is just OK at the piano, marries an expert professional pianist? Suppose they are not competitive because the amateur has a career of their own going, but would lack of his/her proficiency at the piano drive the professional crazy? Would the professional get annoyed from hearing average/mediocre playing in the house?

I think the result would be pure dynamite.It's very hard to keep aloof or professional, sometimes, when you find another person who shares the same musical passions you do and you make music together. I meant no pun there, but the pun can certainly apply. I find playing music with someone else extremely meaningful, unless that other person is so jaded and bored of the music it becomes a chore. I try to stay away from those types of people, and if I find myself becoming one I try to rectify the situation.

Maybe it's just me, but I think playing music with other people can have an extreme romantic and sexual charge involved. I don't mean to be crude, but I've seen many posts focusing on the difficulties in such a relationship and very few on the good parts of such a relationship, and probably even less dealing with the sparks that can fly. I mean, they say opposites attract - but I have never liked that. My girlfriend is a musical ignoramus, and there is no joy in playing music around such a person - not even to try and awake some latent spark of appreciation: it just won't ever happen, I'm afraid. So it's difficult knowing your 'soul-mate' is not interested in your main passion: at least she understands not to try to come between me and my playing, if a choice ever needed to be made heh.

To make a long story short - playing the piano is bliss, playing the piano with someone else is even more blissful! I can't imagine a more romantic, more fullfilling relationship than 2 people who love their piano/music as much as they love each other - one would bolster the other, help to build it up, raise it even higher. Ah..

My wife and I met in a concert where I was performing one of my pieces around 10 years ago. She approached me and told me "I want to be friends". And we hit it off. She plays the piano (have done a few concerts with her, although none of us is a 'pro' soloist), and she has had advanced theory lessons.

[...]My girlfriend is a musical ignoramus, and there is no joy in playing music around such a person - not even to try and awake some latent spark of appreciation: it just won't ever happen, I'm afraid. So it's difficult knowing your 'soul-mate' is not interested in your main passion: at least she understands not to try to come between me and my playing, if a choice ever needed to be made heh.

What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?

[...]My girlfriend is a musical ignoramus, and there is no joy in playing music around such a person - not even to try and awake some latent spark of appreciation: it just won't ever happen, I'm afraid. So it's difficult knowing your 'soul-mate' is not interested in your main passion: at least she understands not to try to come between me and my playing, if a choice ever needed to be made heh.

What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?

Regards,

Ha - not much future, I'm afraid. But we try, anyways!Ah well..I put 'soul-mate' in quotes for a reason - she isn't the one, yet. If there even is such a thing, with men being naturally polygamous and all that jazz...but that's a whole 'nother topic!

ChopinAddict
6000 Post Club Member
Registered: 08/29/09
Posts: 6360
Loc: Land of the never-ending music

Well, there is also the "opposites attract" theory... Not for me though.Once someone who, as I was later told (to my horror ), was in love with me was here with an "excuse" that he had lost his keys and kept watching TV and all the ads, and laughing, and I really couldn't stand all that. I had such a headache when he left...

she isn't the one, yet. If there even is such a thing, .........................I'll find her some day, probably. I hope.

Well, OK- we get it- but why wait? Why not 'turn her loose' now, so that you can both begin the process of finding the "right one'? Why delay? Life is too short.You're not necessarily doing her any favor by remaining in a dead-end relationship.

My significant 'other' appreciates my organ playing, and we both have an interest in the C of E. As mentioned earlier, my significant other is more literature oriented, but that's no problem: it's a bit of another passion in my life. Also it certainly helps that we are politically aligned.

Do I have it right that a major component in a successful relationship is (a) agreeing on politics, religion and Wagner, or (b) not ever discussing it, particularly when alcohol is involved?

Of course there's the quintessential 'b'...Mary Matalin and James Carville.

Admit I had to Google that. Interesting...

The couple I know have very divergent religious beliefs: one of them is a Christian Scientist, the other is Jewish. They simply never talk religion.

Though interestingly my grandmother is a Christian Scientist (through her I have landed gigs in their churches- they pay fairly well), and I make no criticism of that faith. There's some interesting stuff going on there -and I have studied their textbook- but that's TOTALLY outside the scope of this board, and let's not go there.

she isn't the one, yet. If there even is such a thing, .........................I'll find her some day, probably. I hope.

Well, OK- we get it- but why wait? Why not 'turn her loose' now, so that you can both begin the process of finding the "right one'? Why delay? Life is too short.You're not necessarily doing her any favor by remaining in a dead-end relationship.

I took your advice and booted her out. But now she keeps banging on the front door, yammering on about "Hey, I live here!" and "Give me my cat!" and "You could have at least let me put some pants on first!" Dangit.

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"If we continually try to force a child to do what he is afraid to do, he will become more timid, and will use his brains and energy, not to explore the unknown, but to find ways to avoid the pressures we put on him." (John Holt)

So what happens if an amateur, who is just OK at the piano, marries an expert professional pianist? Suppose they are not competitive because the amateur has a career of their own going, but would lack of his/her proficiency at the piano drive the professional crazy? Would the professional get annoyed from hearing average/mediocre playing in the house?

I am a student of classical piano, and for a year I dated a guitarist/keyboardist/vocalist/songwriter who played some classical music but was more in the pop music scene. It wasn't a good idea. I always felt he was trying to pull me towards kinds of music that were interesting to me but which I didn't wanna make the time for then. I was at a point where I desperately needed all the time I could find for music (I was going to school for another major), and our relationship was in some ways a setback. He would ask me to do things like write lyrics or songs, always feeling like he was doing the great thing of putting me "out there" and pushing me to make use of my potential composing skills, and it was always, understandably, personally offending when I didn't make enough time for it, when I resisted doing gigs and recordings and playing in bands, all the things he was really into. I wanted to be a classical musician. And it was never enough to him. Performance could never be an end in itself- he thought of it as only a tool to improve his technique and his musical understanding so he can play his own music. And to him, attending a concert was always more about the person sitting next to you whom you're watching the music with than the music itself.

Now, if I dated a musician, I would want him to be someone who breathed Brahms and Bach and Beethoven.

Edited by Rania (04/21/1001:33 PM)

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"Can you live without music? If you can live without music, thank the Lord and goodbye! Because it's only if it is unavoidable that you must do music. Somebody who wants to do it will never be discouraged." Nadia Boulanger

playing the piano is bliss, playing the piano with someone else is even more blissful! I can't imagine a more romantic, more fullfilling relationship than 2 people who love their piano/music as much as they love each other - one would bolster the other, help to build it up, raise it even higher.

That really must be blissful. Having someone who not only forgives but also himself shares and lives that undivided love.

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"Can you live without music? If you can live without music, thank the Lord and goodbye! Because it's only if it is unavoidable that you must do music. Somebody who wants to do it will never be discouraged." Nadia Boulanger