It is coming from one particular person (my FIL's girlfriend). The woman truly thinks she is Supernanny and must impart her wisdom onto everyone else.

Last night, I was so annoyed by her comments that I just glared, said NO, and walked away. I admit, it was rude. But I'm not really sure what to say at this point. I'm just so annoyed by it.

To understand, here are the particular questions that came up last night:- How dilated is your vagina? (with a "V" sign made with fingers in front of my elderly FIL)- I will go with you to your next midwife appointment because you are not capable in your "condition" and your French is bad (my midwife is bilingual and my French is not horrible).- You shouldn't be doing XYZ in your "condition".

I mean really.... come on.

How on earth do you tell someone to buzz off without creating a rift in a family? And how do you tell someone to get off their high horse about how great they are as a parent?

I don't even have 10% of this grief with my real mother-in-law, who I get along with fabulously despite a variety of differing beliefs.

You are aloud to not answer questions about your personal life. You can bean dip for as long as you want. You are aloud to ask some directly to stop asking these questions. You are aloud to leave the situation if they keep being intrusive.

You don't have to put up with other people's baggage. You set up your own boundaries and let people react to them. If they react miserably you know where they stand. The only rifts that are created are by drama lamas who don't understand boundaries. If someone gets angry over your boundaries let them. They can either get over it or live with their anger without you accepting this as something that is normal and something you have to put up with.

I'm sorry if I am being blunt, but you don't have to be nice to a rude person. You don't even have to be cordial to them after a certain point of time of they keep being a boar.

When you said you left the room that is a perfectly acceptable response to someone who is being intrusive. And finally there is nothing wrong with the word no.

To understand, here are the particular questions that came up last night:- How dilated is your vagina? (with a "V" sign made with fingers in front of my elderly FIL)

Well, for this one, I would not be embarrassed on his behalf. She is, after all, his girlfriend - if he finds her crude, he's the one who's introducing her to you, not the other way around.

Logged

My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Unfortunately, meddling begins in pregnancy and has no definite end. I know many people whose children are all grown adults, and who still receive meddling "advice" on their relationships with their children. You have to develop a spine and work on your approach to meddlers. Pregnancy, while not a convenient time to deal with this, is your #1 opportunity to develop these skills.

The first thing to keep in mind is that you are the parent and you do not need to JADE (justify, argue, defend, or explain) your decisions.

The second is that humor and beandipping may be two of your best friends.

For the first situation, I would laugh and say "Wow, let's not go there. Bean dip?"

For the midwife, "I have it covered, thanks. Bean dip?"

Start out pleasant, but if she continues to cross boundaries, you'll need to get more firm.

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"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Deadpan, one eyebrow raised. Maybe throw in an occasional "Ah....seriously?" You cannot believe she is this persistent and asking such personal questions, let that bleed through in as few words as possible.

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“A real desire to believe all the good you can of others and to make others as comfortable as you can will solve most of the problems.” CS Lewis

When she gives you uncalled for advice you could look at her silently for several moments, and then bean dip. The pause should be long enough to make her a bit uncomfortable, on the premise that she has any common sense.

Unfortunately, meddling begins in pregnancy and has no definite end. I know many people whose children are all grown adults, and who still receive meddling "advice" on their relationships with their children. You have to develop a spine and work on your approach to meddlers. Pregnancy, while not a convenient time to deal with this, is your #1 opportunity to develop these skills.

The first thing to keep in mind is that you are the parent and you do not need to JADE (justify, argue, defend, or explain) your decisions.

The second is that humor and beandipping may be two of your best friends.

For the first situation, I would laugh and say "Wow, let's not go there. Bean dip?"

For the midwife, "I have it covered, thanks. Bean dip?"

Start out pleasant, but if she continues to cross boundaries, you'll need to get more firm.

Actually, it starts before that (and on other topics. Le Sigh)

I agree with all these answers. Maybe adjusting the midwife answer to the fact that you and the midwife are communicating fine and that you have it covered.

And the standard, "My doctor/midwife/whomever has discussed this with me and we are following their directions."

Actually, your "no" and walking away seems fine to me. She is the rude one for the nosey questions and comments. And "NO" or "No you are not coming" to the the midwife appointment. ESH. Piece of work is mild.