Very long story cut short. I am separated 15 mths (never married) I have 2 DS aged 11 & 5. Ex takes kids late Friday nite until Sat afternoon, rarely any other contact, never any extra days when kids on school holidays etc, all Exs decision I have tried to encourage him to take the boys a bit more but he is just not interested.

I had an awful time with my youngest from Christmas last year right until August this year it was unbareable he was so confused, angry, upset etc and has only settled down in the past few months. Ex wants to have them meet his girlfriend which I know will have to happen sooner or later but I just feel that esp for my youngest it is too soon and may very well set him back after months of me getting him ok again and I couldnt bare to see him like that again.

The problem is Ex is not the type of person I can talk to as he only ever dealt with agruements etc through shouting and fighting which I no longer do. He is no threatening to tell the boys about her and let them meet her no matter what I say or no matter what the circumstances are.

Do I have the right to tell him not to say or do anything for now and maybe review it in another 6 months or so?

Im so scarred what way this will be handled and what the outcome will be, again for me to pick up the pieces.

hi,Dennis,sorry about my sexist comment!.im not actually normally like that at all.i was just particularly mad at my ex when i wrote that.i guees it hurts me that he has hurt my son soo much and doesn't even care.i know there are plenty of great men who are great fathers and single fathers too.Apologies again.

hi jojo,in short no you have no right to control who your ex decides is fit to be around your children or when they are ready. I know its not easy to step back and have no involement but the more you make a big deal out of it the more likely it is to happen. If it was me i would tell yuor ex you've no problem with him introducing the girlfriend when the time is right and ask him to please do the introduction when he feels the children are ready not as a stab at you.Dp and i waited until we were together nearly a year before i met his kids as he was very conscious of their little heads even then his ex gave him unmerciful shit over it ( and still does 5 years later). All you can do is be ther for your kids and hope your ex does the right thing but like i said the more you push the worse you'll make it

Every situation is different but what i can tell is, your ex wants to introduce his girlfriend, i'm sure she's not a monster and secondly i'm sure nobody wants to hurt your children. This all depends on how its dealt with, how he introduces her and that everyone has a nice day, if this happens kids usually accept situations as they are and if they do go home a ask you question its down to you as the other parent to be tactful and i'm afraid, i feel there's not malice as long as the kids are looked after and happy when with their dad.

Kids listen to adult conversations sometimes and form opinions based on this, its so so important that the parent who's still angry and hurt that they protect their child/children for as long as possible and show their child this is our life and its normal, kids become irrational when confused so its important to reassure them, that your happy and everything is ok and never give out about the other parent as then this hostility shows the child must take sides.

Jo,i understand how you feel.my son we t through the same thing when he had to see his dad.i had to reduce the time he went to his dads as his dad was abusive to him when he'd visit.when i stopped the visits entirely he calmed down and is now a happy child.i know how hard it is and how painful to see your son hurt.we are the ones that see the pain a d suffering of our children.i know your situation is different but when your son is finally settling down its unfair for your ex to force anything all beside going to do is hurt his child and make his child dislike him. the men get to take the kids to places for treats and have fun and the mothers are there to wipe the tears and cuddle our little angles.if only than men could see how they hurt their children by being so selfish. :(