Have I ever told you the story about the time I ended up in the Paradise Lakes hot tub with Ron Jeremy, Ernest P. Worrell and an Asian dude named Michael? I know that sounds like the opening to a bad joke, but I swear this is exactly how I remember it. At the end of a long holiday weekend after I had pulled a long DJ shift, I decided to wind down the evening with a soak in the hot tub before heading home. To my surprise, all three of these dudes were in the hot tub together. I had seen them in the club earlier that night, but I figured they’d be long gone to some private party before I got off work.When I stepped into the hot tub, I was greeted by my good friend and longtime Paradise resident, Michael. I’m pretty sure Michael was not the name his mama gave him, but I think at some point he had decided it was just easier to go by something all of us Florida rednecks could easily pronounce. He told me that he'd like to introduce me to his new friends, but I just replied: "I think everyone here knows who these dudes are.” Michael went on to say that he had a question he liked to put out there when meeting new people. What was your most embarrassing moment in life?Michael then turned to me and said: "Why don't you start us off, Wali?” I had never been asked that question before, but the funny thing was that I knew exactly what story I was going to tell. It was a sad little story about a first date at a drive-in movie, wearing white linen pants and a sneaked fart gone horribly wrong, let’s just say there was never a second date. Up next was Jim Varney who told a story about one morning during the filming of the Beverly Hillbillies movie, he and his buddy Buck woke up in an unfamiliar hacienda somewhere south of the border and had no idea how they had got there. When it came around to Ron Jeremy's turn, it seemed as if couldn't decide just which juicy story he was going to tell, but eventually he offered up a precautionary tale of an on-set disaster involving a well-known female porn star and a poorly installed hanging love swing.When it came back around to Michael, he told a story I will never forget. He started off his story by explaining that he had grown up the son of a poor rice farmer. He went on to describe how he had lived in a one-room house that his father had built by hand with his parents, younger siblings and his grandmother. During the rainy season every year, their little house flooded and the whole family was forced to take to the roof until the water receded. In fact, this was such a common occurrence that his father built a ladder in the center of the room that led to a trap door out onto the roof. Being the oldest son, it was his responsibility to make sure that the other children and his grandmother got up the ladder and onto the roof safely. One by one, he helped the children and then his grandmother onto the ladder. As soon as she was safely on the ladder, he followed right behind her. He said “It was then that I looked up and I saw my grandmother’s vagina in all its glory.” When we heard that, we all fell about the place laughing, but Michael stopped us with a very serious look on his face and said “No, that wasn’t the embarrassing part. My most embarrassing moment was when I looked a second time.”

Ernest had a huge cock. I do not think I need to comment regarding Mr. Jeremy.

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Davida

10/4/2016 06:17:08 pm

Hilarious.

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About Wali, The Grateful Dude

In my formative years, I was lucky enough to attend an amazing high school modeled after the freedom school from the Billie Jack films. The curriculum included outdoor education, pottery and organic farming and emphasized values like creativity, self awareness and a strong sense of community. I spent several summers traveling from show to show with The Grateful Dead and found that not only could I beat the crap out of a plastic bucket in a drum circle, I was also quite the imported beer salesman. My early career started off in the eighties driving limousine for posers, drug dealers and wannabe rock stars in Los Angeles. In the late eighties, I was introduced to the former owner of Paradise Lakes Nudist Resort who had just seduced and proposed to my roommate while she was on vacation in Florida. Fred took me aside one afternoon and told me, “I like you, kid and since I’m taking your roommate and I’m pretty sure you can’t afford this beach rental on your own, why not come on out to Florida? I’ll find you a place to stay, give you a job and you’ll be surrounded by naked women”. So I loaded up my truck and moved to Paradise. Lakes, that is. Swimmin’ pools. Porno stars. (insert banjo solo here).

I wake up every morning (well almost every morning) knowing that today is a wonderful gift to be unwrapped and explored. I believe that every day is filled with limitless possibilities and endless abundance. I’m convinced that our true purpose in life is to interact with our fellow beings and give witness to this amazing universe that surrounds us.

If you are searching for miracles in life, you need go no farther than your backyard to realize that we are living in the midst of the greatest miracle of all.