"I stood and watched him run into the bushes, and then thought he might be performing a sex act."Knowing it was a dead-end on the other side of the river I thought he might run back, so I stood watching him fumble about in the bushes.

Hellava drug, crystal kryptonite. Probably started out small thinking "I'm Superman. I can handle it." Career at the newspaper is flatlining. No one's feeding his kickstarter campaign to "Rid the World of Evil". Old Lex swings by with a little vial of green gold. Tells Supe "This will fix them blues. Make it like your back home where you belong. Not stuck on a planet with a bunch of shaved, talking monkeys." Used to b $5 a day now it's a couple of hundred. He goes looking for armored car robber just so he can scoop up a few bills after thwarting the bad guys. Hell, courts are going to let them go anyways. Make it worth his time.

But you gotta be straight for the court dates. Can't get slipped up by a tricky defense attorney. "What is your name?" She asks. "Superman." What is your OTHER name? "The Man of Steel, biatch. We can do this all day. My Mastercard says Kal El. My TV Guide is addressed to Suppermansk."

"After you removed the defendant from his atomic biomechanical armor, did you read him his rights?"

"No ma'am. He was still combatant so I subdued him to make him compliant for the police who were on scene."

"Do you call putting a man in a coma for six weeks subduing?"

"Yes. He had just destroyed half the city and killed hundreds. I half punch to the side of the head was clearly the best procedure. As clear as the granny panties that you are wearing."

"Witness is not allowed to use his x-ray vision in the courtroom."

"I hope your taking Valtrex for those sores."

"Your Honor!"

Get out of court, a short flight to the fortress of solitude, a pipe full of glowing green. Use the heat vision to melt it to exactly 510 degrees and some sweet, sweet release. Stupid planet.