Cull bottom 5% to improve average GDP, says Osborne

George Osborne has announced plans to cull the poorest 5% in a bid to move Britain ahead of Belgium in the ‘GDP per head’ table. This follows a decision against alternative proposals to send the poor on loan to other countries and bring them back if and when they are successful, so as to reduce other countries’ GDP per dad.

‘The poorest 5% really drag down the average wealth,’ Osborne he told reporters. ‘By culling a relatively small number of people, we can rapidly get ahead of Belgium. Scottish independence would have a similar effect but we really need the Scots to stay – they make such excellent cannon-fodder. It’s very sad for the people who have to give their lives, of course. Sad face.’