""My First Love""

This story that I will share to you is about my first crush, my first infatuation, my first boyfriend,my first love and my first heart break. I was born in Quezon City,Philippines in the year 1986. My parents were really based in Isulan- a town in one of the three major islands of the Philippines, Mindanao. I was loved by my parents but an incident came to them and they separated. I was only 10 years old then, when my mom decided to go abroad to earn money for us. My aunt told my mother that it would be better if she would take me with her in their hometown. We packed our things for the said venture, I was lucky enough to have my aunt guide me through that journey. It was a sunny day of June 7,1995 when I entered a private school in town as 4th grade student. I was so anxious at that time,I don't have friends yet, and I am having the hard time speaking their dialect as well. It was our first day in class and the school lack a fifth grade teacher.Our professor Mr. Bert Labuaya accepted the first batch of incoming 5th grader students to have a seat in for that day. My head slowly turned right when I heard my new seat mate,Fiel murmuring the answer to our teacher's question.I told him to stand up and recite his answer, but he just ignored me. Our next subject was my favorite before- Science, our teacher asked about the name of the theory about the earth's origin,without any hesitation I raised my hand and stand up,and tell him that it was the Big Bang's Theory. Fiel-who was my new seat mate gave me a warm smile then. He was the silent type and I was the talkative type.Many of our classmates kept telling me that Fiel is a consistent first honor since kindergarten. I cannot exchange thoughts with them by then because I don't know him yet. Sharmaine, who is my very first friend that time asked me if I could go with her in the canteen,since it was already our snack time. She opened a question about our new classmates and about the famous 5th grade student. I threw back the question to her,and she insisted that it is better if we promised to keep that as our secret. Sharmaine did not tell anyone about our secrets,neither did I. A few months after my cousin told his friends about the name written on my notebook. He would teased me whenever that guy pass our classroom. I am afraid that he would tell his friends about the name of that guy,because they really knew him. My cousin and I had a fight and on the following day he said that it was Fiel's name written at the back of my notebook. It was so obvious that I had a crush(a short-lived, intense and usually unrequited love) on him,I can't stare at him directly whenever I see him. I am so ashamed of it. My crush towards him grew more as it become an infatuation-(Infatuation is childish, but love is mature).Years after years that infatuation grew stronger and intense. But one day I just realized that I should not pursue that feelings because 6 years had already passed since the day i admitted to myself that I like him.

I'm shy infront of you , and
I shiver when I talk ,
I can't look long in your eyes ,
I lose control,
I take an oblique possition to seat , so
I can straitly speak ,
I twiddle my ...........
to be continued
sheik mike

I wana be the same i was before
I wana be intact again
I wana know who am I
I wana introduce myself to myself
I wana be free from para-noia and hesitation
I wana rest my head peacefully on the pillow with out a mass
I'm tired of being insular and defaming god
I'm tired of the worst
I'm tired of my para-docs and duality
I just need a miracle progigy to recover me clear ......
to be continued
sheik mike