Lemony Snicket answers your questions!

Who is Lemony Snicket? This is a question that has been uttered by many a child since last millennium.

The famous author of the “A Series of Unfortunate Events” books is shrouded in both myth and mystery, and has shunned publicity after a scandal that saw Mr Snicket exiled from his hometown several decades ago.

His tales of the orphaned Baudelaires – Violet, Klaus and Sunny – and their attempts to avoid imprisonment, torture and death at the hands of their evil, distant relative Count Olaf have captivated and chilled hundreds of thousands of children and adults around the world. The series has sold over 60 million copies worldwide – including five million in the UK – and have even been turned into a film starring Jim Carrey, Billy Connolly and Meryl Streep.

But with the 13th and final book in the series now published, many wonder what the mysterious author has next. Fortunately, the many can now quiz him in a live webTV show about what he’s been doing and what they can expect from the new series, which at this stage cannot be named (for fear of jeopardising the final stages of Mr Snicket’s investigations).

Lemony Snicket joins us live on Monday 11th January at 17:30 to discuss.

H Hello I’m Lis Speight and welcome to the Entertainment Show and today we have a very special guest in our studio. His tales of the orphan Bodalair’s and their attempt to avoid imprisonment, torture, and death at the hands of their evil relative Count Olaf, have captivated millions across the globe in a dozen books and even a Hollywood movie. My guest today, international author Lemony Snicket.

Well unfortunately Lemony Snicket couldn’t make it in today but he has sent his representative Daniel Handler. Daniel, thanks very much for coming in.

A: Well that’s very sweet of you to have me.

Now I understand you are able to answer some questions on Lemony’s behalf.

A: Exactly. Well, Lemony’s Snicket and I are very much alike in some ways. Although he is he author of a bunch dreadful books and I not. We both have smashing, kind of, pinstripey suits, we are both very handsome people.

H.Of course.

A: We both have little flowery ties.

H: But there is a bit of a question mark over Lemony Snicket’s identity and we a question in from JoJo on that. Why is Mr Snicket so elusive about his identity?

A: Why is he so elusive about his identity? That’s a strange question I think coming from someone named “JoJo.” What do we know about JoJo?

H: Not much.

A: Is it just a stranger who wrote in on a chat room or something? I’m frightened by the whole thing. I don’t think he’s elusive about his identity. Mr Snicket is the proud author of these very, very dreadful books. I’m just a man who speaks in his stead. Is that confusing to you?

H: A little, but we’ll move on.

A: Do you think it is confusing to JoJo? I would hate to thing she is haunted by confusion but on the other hand, who is JoJo? Isn’t JoJo being really elusive about his identity?

H:His or her.

A:Or is it her? We don’t even know. There is only one way to find out.

H: Let’s move on. Keep watching JoJo. No doubt the Bodalair orphans will be returning for another round. Or has Lemony found a new subject to focus his detective work on. What ever your question you can type it in the box on the screen and we’ll do our best to get through as many as we can in the next 15 minutes or so.

A: Or, write it on a piece of paper and throw it away. It’s a dreadful question get it out of your mind, move on with your life.

H:That’s another option. Before we take your questions let’s remind ourselves of some of the wonderful characters that exist in Lemony’s world by watching a clip of the 2004 film.

A: Oh what film, what’s it called?

H: It’s A Series of Unfortunate Events.

A: Oh.

H: Well, we saw a little clip of the film there and we’ve already had some of your questions in about it.

A :An upsetting film don’t you find?

H: Benson’s question is, he said do you think the film was as good as the books? Or does Lemony? Was Lemony…

A: I think neither the film nor the books are any good. Ah, so it really depends on your philosophy. The film is made out of 3 books, I just happen to have the 3 books here. The first book of Mr Snicket’s, The Bad Beginning, the second, The Reptile Room, and the third, The Wide Window. So as you can see reading them is quite an arduous and an upsetting task. The film, conversely is shorter but his has all the pain and suffering of these books compacted into a smaller form. So it’s kind of… if you are the type of person who likes to rip the band aid right off or if you like to slowly, slowly peel it off that really depends.

H: Ok. So you can either plow through the books. Or you can have it all in one hit.

A: Well, I would recommend that Ben go and do something else, frankly but if he insists. It really depends if he wants a lot of hardship over a long period of time or a lot of hardship over a short period of time. I would choose no hardship whatsoever but then that’s just me.

H: So these are out in paperback now. That’s a new thing, isn’t it?

A: Ah, they are, yes, in a much more flammable form. Originally they were in hard cover which meant that they were long lasting and it meant that many generations can suffer. Now, thank goodness, they are paperback which are more easily… to fall apart or to be attacked by something paper eating, a termite perhaps.

H: But hopefully that will introduce more people to the wonderful world of Lemony Snicket.

A: Well, not if I can stop them, that’s why I am grateful for the opportunity to come on television and say to people foolish enough to be attracted by such things, read something else, do something else with your life. Don’t find yourself waking up depressed and lonely a result of reading Lemony Snicket. You’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. This woman has read several books by Lemony Snicket, look at her.

H: Yeah, look at the lines, look at the lines. Look at the grey hairs… well there are a few *laugh*

A: Well no, you are physically attractive it’s more your mental state I was concerned for.

H: Oh, I see a bit unhinged. Yes, maybe, maybe that’s why.

H: Now the thirteenth and final book has been published. The Bodalair’s are kind of dead and buried, or are they?

A: Dead and buried? You see what kind of normal imagination this woman has. Immediately she jumps to dead and buried just because there are no more books about the Bodalairs, they must be buried. Why is there something in your backyard you’re having trouble explaining? Is that it?

H: Well I have just done a bit of gardening actually. Yes but what’s Lemony going to be doing now? What’s Lemony going to be doing?

A: Like I said he is working on a new series of books that will be out shortly, hopefully, unless something terrible happens to the author. Umm, sometimes he’s, you know, lured into a windowless, basement room to be questioned by a strange, however attractive, woman.

H: Surely not. What’s his methods of writing then? Does he a have any sort of…

A: Method or writing, Pen.

H: Pen.

A: He uses a pen.

H: Does he have any kind of special kind of lucky socks or anything that he wears when he’s writing? How does he get down to it? You know what it is like when you are trying to do your home work you can’t get down to writing.

A: Ah, he does a great deal of research which is… among young people is known as putting off what you have to do in order to do what you want to do. So he reads a great many books on the subject at hand, he follows people randomly in the street to study the behaviour of people. He takes copious notes and then he writes it down with a pen, as I was saying before.

H: Right, so he writes it all with a pen so it’s quite lengthy process. We’re not going to see the new series of books until 2012.

A: Well, I, hopefully they won’t be seen at all. Personally I don’t think the publishers should be interested in the kind of dreadful stories that Lemony Snicket tells. Ah, but um you know how it is with publishers, they have no sense what so ever. They publish all sorts of terrible, dreadful things and this is why the world is in such a state.

H:Let’s move on to some more of your questions

A:Oh, if you would like,

H:and we have one for Abigail Hicklain. She asks, how long did it take…

A:how is Hicklain? Thank you for writing in.

H: How long did it take for you to think of the story line? You, Lemony, to think for a story line of a series of unfortunate events and why is the movie so different from the books?

A: Well, the movie is different from the books, as I said, because it tries to compact that multiple amount of pain, that books were written over period of almost 10 years and obviously what would have been most sensible was to make the film about 10 years long but the film was made in Hollywood where people have a shorter attention span and so rather than making a decade long film they decided to make it only about, I don’t know, about 2 hours, I think.

H:Which is enough maybe, which is enough do you think?

A:Well I, obviously, Ms Hickman is upset by it. I hope that she has friends and family near by who are wrapping her in a warm blanket and giving her some tea.

H:Obviously very dramatic.

A: I am from America but I hear in England you people drink tea. Yeah, it’s leaves mixed with water I find that strange.

H: Sometimes mixed with sugar from a nice sugar bowl, lovely.

H: Mary Jones has written in.

A: Mrs Jones.

H:Me and my friends read your books, they make us want to read more. Where do you get your ideas from, Lemony?

A: Well, I mean, I think you can just come up with dreadful ideas when you walk around the street. Um, Mr Snicket tired to chronicle the Bodalair story the best he could by following the Bodalairs by doing research on them, by all that. I’m sorry that I, ah… she’s read these books and they’ve made her friends want to need more. I hope by read more… the sentence was just cut off and it was read more pleasant material but I hope that Mary Jones is still out there and listening, that she isn’t trying to read more books by Lemony Snicket but instead is doing something sensible. Like she could take a bunch or yarn and make it into some kind of animal.

H: Yeah, maybe do some knitting, a nice scarf or something for this weather.

A: I am very cold and in need of a scarf.

H: There you are , something for you to do. I always wondered, because… where does he get his ideas for Lemony Snicket. Are these books autobiographical at all?

A: Well, he has a distant connection to the Bodalair case that, people who have read the entire series have usually picked up on and that is why those people tend to be so upset and antisocial, often bald from tearing out their hair. So yes, yes a distant connection to it, and then he has a connection as well to the series he’s working on.

H: Intriguing, can you give us any more details about that?

A: Ah, it’s depressing, it’s upsetting and it’s not likely to be of any use to anyone at all.

H: Can we have any titles of the books yet?

A: No, I don’t think you… no I don’t think you even want to know. I told someone the title once that Mr Snicket had told me and that person fainted dead away. That story is almost entirely true.

H: Oh dear almost entirely true.

A: Well you always have to add a little something to make it more interesting.

H: Yes exactly otherwise life would be very dull. Now then Lemony went to school…

A: I’m sorry you feel that way, a dull life, the glamour of being a television host is dull to this woman. Life has lost all of its flavour. Why, reading dreadful books.

H: Oh do you think that is what it is, reading too many?

A: I honestly that’s what I think it is. If I had to choose one thing that was wrong with you, it would be that you read dreadful books.

H:Now which one of these books do you think is Lemony’s favourite or least favourite?

A:They’re all… I think it’s just about a 13 way tie for dreadful. This one is the shortest the first one, The Bad Beginning. So if you had to read one, if you were forced in some strange hostage situation in a library, this would probably be the best choice but who’s in that kind of situation? No one. You can check out any book out of the library. You can purchase any book that captures your fancy. Why would you be interested in terrible things happening to orphans? It’s a disgrace.

H: Poor orphans they always get it in the neck, don’t they, in literature.

A: In media, yes there is a long tradition of orphans getting it, as you say, in the neck. I’ve never heard that expression.

H: It’s British.

A: But it sounds unpleasant.

H: Now, talking of unpleasantness…

A: Getting it in the neck… I can’t even think about it, it makes me nervous and I’m wearing a tie.

H: It’s a joke. *laugh* Now, before we go, could you maybe read a little passage from the book, before we go, before we go, not right now.

A: Oh before we go…

H: So have a little think about...

A: So think about it while you are asking me other questions, are you trying to confuse me? *laugh*

H: Ok then, well there you go, easily done.

H: Now Lemony went to school with Olaf, apparently, back in the days of yore… yes,

A: they knew each other a long time a go.

H: Was he evil back then, Olaf rather than Lemony?

A: Well I think in school everyone learns to be a certain level of evil. Ah, he was encouraged I think, Count Olaf in his evil, which often happens in some of the poorer schools. I don’t mean poorer economically, I mean, you know, poorly run, poorly designed.

H: Right, so you think he learnt to be evil at school?

A: I think anyone can learn to be evil with enough practise. Give me 3 weeks with you I could be an evil, knife welding, cat burglar by the end of our program.

H: There’s hope for me yet then.

A: Yip.

H: No um, Lemony has a brother and sister.

A: It’s true, Jock and Kit.

H: Now, have they offered him support in his work or are they disgusted by it all?

A: Well, they had troubles of their own. Um, you know, I think one learns, as you learn about the 3 Bodalair siblings I think, is that you stick together as often as possible but sometimes there are things that are happening to you that are so upsetting that there is nothing you can do.

H: Mhmm, so they have not been that supportive then.

A: No, well I’m sure there are people out there watching that have siblings that are nothing but a pain to them. Siblings who encourage them to read dreadful things, perhaps. Siblings who tease them. It’s a sad, sad world. No wonder they’re seeking escape in a world of television only to find more pain and suffering when the turn to their screen…

H: it’s a desperate isn’t it, desperate.

A: It’s an endless cycle of pain and suffering. We’ll be back soon.

H: *Laugh*

H: But a lot of people are reading the books, never the less.

A: It’s true.

H: And Leila…

A: but a lot of people, you know, get the flu it doesn’t mean it’s popular.

H: Well no, it’s true, it’s true. Leila has sent a question in…

A: Oh, thank you Leila.

H: She says, why do you like writing these sorts of unfortunate stories with miserable endings, why don’t you just write about happy elves?

A: I think that’s absolutely right. I... what a sensible woman that Leila is. I wish she were here so I could give her a proud clap on the shoulder like I’m giving to you. I’m glad she likes to read about happy elves, I would encourage more people to read about happy elves. I would discourage people from reading Mr Snickets’ book let him do his own dreadful business on his own dreadful time. His own noble quest for pursuit of the truth, you don’t have to help him do that. Let him do that on your own and read about something happy, a yarn animal perhaps, as we were discussing earlier.

H: Ok, well we have lots of questions coming in. We’ve… so honestly, I’m afraid, have quite a lot of readers, they’ve got quite a lot of fans these books.

A: I’m sorry.

H: Moylan says, I’m sorry to say that I’ve read the whole series of unfortunate events and I, despite your warnings, just wondering are they still after Mr Snicket?

A: See, that’s the kind of crazed paranoia that happens when people have read all the series. Yes, as far as I know they have… they’re still after Mr Snicket that’s why he rarely appears on television, no matter how handsome he is, no matter how smashing his striped suit, no matter how glorious flowered his tie, he never appears on television.

H: So how did he persuade you to fly over from America to see us here?

A: Well, it’s a living. We have an arrangement. You don’t have to look at me that way, it’s a professional arrangement.

H: No, I know…

A: Automatically your mind goes to the gutter.

H:*Laugh*Now we’ve had…

A: what’s to be done with this woman…

H: one film out, A: yes, H: the three books…

A: well, many films but only one film about the book. They’ve been a great number of films though.

H: That’s true.

A: Citizen Kane, that’s a great film, people should see that more…

H: the Wizard of Oz…

A: oh yeah, you’re a fan of that…

H: all sorts of films.

Is there going to be another film do you think?

A: Ah, that’s what I’m told, yes. Of course people in Hollywood lie all the time, without cease.

H: They do people in telly, people in film yes, it’s terrible…

A: Um, yes…

H: terrible…

A: I’m told there are similarities there. So um, I’ve been told they are working on another film. It took them about 5 years to make the first film so they’re, kind of, right on schedule.

H: Mmhmm ok,well that answers Rachael’s question, I think.

A: Oh, thanks Rachael for your interest.

H: Thanks for sending that in Rachael.

A: Young woman interested in film, I pity her future.

H: Well, there we go. Well, they’ve got to do something these kids don’t they. If they can’t read these books what are they to do?

A: Work in a factory, make something learn a craft.

H:*laugh* Learn a trade. Knitting, there we go, back to knitting again.

H: Umm, had another one in from… another question in from Natalie Wilson. How long are you…

A: it’s funny that you said you have a warning first, a warning from Natalie Wilson and it turns out to be a perfectly harmless question, just snuck that in there, warning!

H: How, well, it might be a warning, listen up. How long are you in the UK for and how can we track you down? There you are, a warning, well there you are, you’re right.

A: There is a subtext of warning there. Um, Mr Snicket is in ah… the UK for about a week and um…

H: Mr Snicket is?

A: Yes. H:

H:Oh, so he is here as well.

A: Yes. Just because he is not on your programme doesn’t mean he is not in the UK.

H: Well I thought, I though he was still over in America.

A: That’s kind of an arrogant way of looking at your programme. If you’re not on the show you’re not in the country as far as we’re concerned. Um… I also will be ah… in the country for about a week. Um… and we both can be tracked down, I’ll just say because it’s suspicious of Natalie Wilson’s question. We can be tracked down on very isolated, very cold areas. So if Natalie Wilson wants to track me down, or Mr Snicket down she should proceed to, like, a field covered in sleet.

H: Ok, well there is quite a lot of snow in the UK at the moment so okie doke. Now then, we are nearly out of time but before we go, we would love you to ready a little bit from one of the books, if you can dare. I know, I know its… well it’s a little bit taxing for you, I know but if you could.

A: Well this is the first chapter of the very first volume in a series of unfortunate events, out now in these handsome and flammable paperback editions.

If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle. This is because not very many happy things happen in the lives of the 3 Bodalair youngsters. Violet Klaus and Sonny Bodalair were intelligent children and they were charming but they were extremely unlucky and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery and despair. I’m sorry to tell you this but that is how the story goes.

H: It’s a sad one.

A: Isn’t it?

H: It is.

A: You seem a little weepy from just from one paragraph

H: I am, I’m a bit tearful I’m afraid. I’m a bit tearful because we are out of time, I’m afraid.

A: Oh.

H: so thanks so much for…

A: Oh, we’re out of time that’s rather threatening as well.

H: We’re out of time. Thank you so much for coming in…

A: well thank you very much for having me to your charming home…

H: on behalf of Lemony and do send Lemony our regards.

A: I certainly will.

H: I hope he stays safe and warm.

A: I’ll send him regards and apparently warnings from his many readers.

H: If you want to find out more about the work of Lemony Snicket then you can go the website which is unfortunateevents.com. Thanks very much Daniel.