I'd Blog More, But Doctor Who Is On…

Media

If you read my review of BOOK ONE, then you’re primed for this new piece on my (very late) foray into fantasy. Like I’ve said before, I’m writing a fantasy book of my own and am going into stories that I’ve never seen before for research purposes. Yes, I’ve read “Lord Of The Rings” and so forth, and I’ve seen “Legend” and “Willow” and all that stuff. I don’t need your recommendations on that stuff. What I do need is a bit of closure on these books by Mr. Eddings. If you’re in, let’s see those comments! Also, yes, if you know of any great, little known books I should read, please comment!

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of diversity in all its glorious splendor, consciously and unconsciously making sure that I don’t recognize the ugliness of bigotry if I can help it. As a lover of fairness and equality, I’ve made it my business to routinely champion for a future that strives against racial disharmony. Maybe it was something my dad taught me.

Immediately after I got a lecture from my mother on the importance of marrying black, dad pulled me aside and educated me on the “100% Rule.” He counted on one hand, saying there’s Red, Black, Yellow, Brown and Other, representing the color ratio of girls across the planet. (I assume “Brown” included South Asians) And my mom had just urged me to shoot for 20%. Well, dad said I shouldn’t reach for 20%f of anything. It’s 100% of everything, or nothing. Looks like modern television is taking dad’s advice. Let’s look at how things are going on the boob tube.Continue reading

Bob Kane’s parody of his greatest invention, Batman, ran for 130 short episodes. I remember being obsessed with this cartoon as a kid, yet now, as with most old school shows I try to re-watch (CHiPs, A-Team), I consider it stupid. But what I didn’t expect in these recent viewings is how brain-dead the writers took us to be. I sit here at my laptop bamboozled and insulted, dissecting one particular episode designed to play us for all for morons. Behold! ‘Courageous Cat & Minute Mouse’ gets put on blast – are they really the heroes the show’s writers portrayed them to be? Let’s have a look at the episode first.

I’ve been reading ‘The End Of Vandalism’ and halfway wanted my next blog post to be a highbrow review on literature. Not that the piece is your picture of intellectual writing, but it is a book, and books mean brains. Instead, I’m going to write about how I sat in front of the television for almost 13 hours and melted my mind with an adaptation of “funny book bullshit,” as my dad would’ve called it. Maybe one day I’ll come back to this page and dazzle everyone with stirring tales of my genius accomplishments, but not today. Today’s the day I rave about one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen on the boob tube – ‘Marvel’s Daredevil’ on Netlifx. It’s an ambitious endeavor, rife with brave storytelling and compelling writing. Continue reading

When CW announced that they were capitalizing off the success of ‘Arrow’ with the spinoff series ‘The Flash,’ people wondered if the scarlet speedster would be able to capture the same magic boasted by the angry archer. But with dual showrunner Greg Berlanti at the helm, I had lots of optimism because his geek cred meant he’d care about the new project. In the end, ‘The Flash’s’ great impressions wouldn’t be so much about the quality of the work, but mostly because all they did was rehash a proven commodity, but with a few tweaks. In other words, you might be Arrow or The Flash if…Continue reading

Thanks to Tahir from over atWords Across Borders, I’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award! She is a self-described political junkie. I personally despise politics now (long story) so I try to stick to her poetry. Drop by and start clicking LIKE on things!

Liebster is basically an award by bloggers for other bloggers in a sort of chain. You can only nominate blogs with under 1,000 followers, so this is also a great way to give exposure to blogs you enjoy.

Here are the rules:

The Official Liebster Award Rules:

Thank the blogger that nominated you and link back to their blog.

Display the award somewhere on your blog.

List 11 facts about yourself.

Answer 11 questions chosen by the blogger who nominated you.

Come up with 11 new questions to ask your nominees.

Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you think deserve the award and who have less than 1,000 followers. (You many nominate blogs that have already received the award, but you cannot renominate the blog that nominated you.)

Go to their blog and inform them that they’ve been nominated.

Okay here go the…

11 FACTS ABOUT MYSELF!

1. I am from Asbury Park, NJ and, though I’m super glad I don’t live there anymore, I take a great deal of pride in being FROM there. Growing up by the beach has desensitized me from caring much about beach vacations and things of that nature. And while I was growing up, it was a real shithole. They’ve been working hard to bring it up for years and it’s looking pretty good.

2. I worked in television for 20 years. I was a loyal member of CNN’s technical staff in New York City and when they illegally broke our tech contract in order to bust the union, we ended up in court. 0ver 100 former employees have been fighting them ever since and CNN keeps losing and appealing. It’s been 11 years.

3. I’m a hardcore geek. Always have been, as my avatar can tell you. I love comic books and superhero stuff especially. So I have an affinity for looking at cosplay. Not interested in participating in it though.

4. I write Yelp reviews in my spare time. When I moved from NYC to down south, I knew I’d need cool new things to do, so I banged out a ton of reviews until I was offered Yelp Elite, and therefore invited to lots of free events and parties. I’ve met some cool people and have constructed some sort of social life that way.

5. I hate cheese, unless it’s mozz on pizza. I find it so revolting.

6. I was married to a woman in New York City who divorced me and took the dog. The two things I hate the most from losing that union are, 1. she was rich 2. I miss my dog. In truth, I don’t miss the woman though.

7. I am currently unemployed, and have been for over a year.

8. But I’m not without money. My brother owns a detailing business and I work with him a few times a month. I am also a Yelp Brand Ambassador and they send me the occasional gig. I am a freelance Social Media Manager, and my clients include Edutainment, Detailed By Lamont, 319 Media Group and New Hope Outreach Church. I pick up some cash from all these gigs and they keep me from starving. I’m always looking though!

9. I moved from NYC to NC because my brother and sisters and their families are here. After the divorce, I decided that being with my family was probably a good idea, so I relocated.

10. One of my other jobs is staff writer for Nerd Bastards. It’s a geek entertainment site and it’s lots of fun. Go to the side of the page where it says “Meet All The Bastards” and click on it. I’m presently the only black guy on staff lol. Holy shit, four jobs is pretty good for a guy who’s unemployed…

11. I’ve been shaving my head since 1997. One time in my early 30’s, I decided to grow it out. Not only was it super thin on the very top, but it came in mostly gray. To hell with that idea.

And here are the Questions From Tahir!

The Questions:

1) What is your connection to place?

I have no idea what that means. I will shape it into something: I have an intense connection to France, particularly Paris and the French Riviera. The most beautiful places in the world, if you asked me. I hope to one day have a vacation home there, but hey…reality and all.

2) Who was one of your role models growing up?

As a comic book geek, my role models were superheroes. I also watched wrestling, which showcased a distinct difference between right and wrong, featuring good and bad guy characters. These things shaped within me a very strict code. Outside of fantasy, I was a jock and primarily played baseball. Rickey Henderson of the New York Yankees (at the time) was my favorite player and I worked hard to emulate him.

3) If you could talk to a past version of yourself, what would you tell him/her?

Don’t go into communications. Center on the things you’re deeply passionate about, even if they don’t make you rich. Even if you have ups and downs, at least you’ll love doing it. Some people have ups and downs just doing the things they’ve settled on. Don’t be one of them.

4) Are you political or a-political? Why?

I’m Liberal, leaning Libertarian, but I’m jaded on politics. There is no such thing as an honest politician and anyone who truly believes that their party or their chosen candidate is out for their best interests is fooling himself/herself. Those fuckers are out for themselves ONLY. It’s all bullshit and the only way to find a modicum of sense in that flawed structure is to vote for the person who tells the lies you like to hear. I voted for Obama because his lies were far less destructive to my personal lifestyle than the Conservative candidates’ lies.

5) Aside from writing/reading, is there a particular art form you enjoy?

I’m a junkie for creativity in all its forms, from painting to sketching to building anything from scratch. I respect and love it all. I’m also an artist, so if I had to pick something in particular, I’d have to go with drawing.

6) What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

They are too many to count. I was with my brother today and said, “I’ve done a lot of ill-advised, insane shit. But if I didn’t do them, I think I’d be bored with life.” I sometimes have daredevil behavior. I’m lots more boring with age, tho. There’s this ramped road that crosses a railroad track by my sister’s house. You have to take it gingerly. One night about 20 yrs ago, when coming to visit her, I said “fuck it” and upon approaching the asphalt incline, I hit the gas pedal. I probably jumped that ramp (in a Mercury Tracer no less) about 30 feet. My heart was pounding and the adrenaline rush was incredible. And I kinda messed up my car…

7) What color are your eyes? (Just curious.)

Brown.

8) What are you most afraid of?

Death. Not just death, but the end of life. I treasure my faith, but I weigh it equally with science. And sometimes they don’t meet in the middle. I love the idea of Heaven and an afterlife, but the possibility of being wrong depresses the shit out of me. I hate hate hate the thought of just going black when this is all over, and then there’s nothing. We just cease to exist. It terrifies me…

9) What is something you inherited from your family that has greatly effected how you see the world? (Can be anything including a story, family history, item, language etc.)

I inherited my house in Asbury Park from my dad when he passed away. He had property and all his kids got a house. But my inheritance had to be sold off to pay for my mother’s assisted living expenses and subsequent nursing home charges. It bummed me out at first, but made me stronger. It taught me that hope is nice, luck is awesome, wishes are shit and nothing is set in stone. But, most importantly, material possessions are just dust. Don’t love them too hard. There are better things in life to cherish.

10) If you could talk to one person right now, who would it be and why?

Getting work has been a real son-of-a-bitch and pretty soon I'll be eating Vienna sausages for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Damn good thing I like Vienna sausages. However, I'm kinda more looking forward to those PB&J sandwiches for dessert. Jesus, somebody just kill me please.

Without the software resources to keep tailoring my resume for every job I go for, I spend a lot of time at the library. I get passed over for tons of jobs I should have presented to me on a silver platter, and my ego has nothing to do with it. Technology is to blame for my hunger and desperation, and I'll tell you why: companies get so many resumes per job that many of them leave it to an electronic "sorter" to weed the wheat from the chaff. Even when you're perfectly good wheat, you can get lost in the trash shuffle because the sorter doesn't find the words its looking for on your resume.

And as impressive as my resume is, it won't get seen for that very reason. So I decided that I needed to insert those key words into my resume somehow without compromising my documented work history. Here's how I do it…

This is Bruce Highballer’s resume. Of the Rhode Island Highballers, thank you very much. Let’s ignore the questionable work he put into designing it and stick to the topic of “How To Trick The Sorter.”

So you’re dancing around the internet, doing a little job search soft shoe when you find your DREAM JOB! That’s right, since birth you’ve been aching for that Brand Marketing Specialist gig in southern America! Let’s click on that sucker and get the lowdown on living the fantasy.

Oh look – words and such. None of which are on Bruce’s resume. But they will be. This is when you take the strongest words VERBATIM from the job post. 1. Highlight and copy them onto your clipboard. 2. Start pricing yachts!

Now…search around the resume for blank spaces. Luckily Bruce has employed a template from Openoffice, the broke ass version of Word, because if he had Microsoft money, my cable wouldn’t be out right now. I mean Bruce’s cable. Yeah, Bruce. And that cheapo template has a space underneath EDUCATION that suits our needs just fine. This is where you insert all the best words, gibberish style. It will make no sense when viewed with the naked eye. Blah freakin’ blah. Find spaces all over the resume for these inserts and paste them in willy nilly.

Now the fun part. Highlight your gibberish and change their font to white. This only works if your resume is white to begin with. You don’t want to use some fancy colored paper, otherwise the white words will show up on the document once it’s printed if you plan on using snail mail to apply for a job.

Congrats, you have just tricked the sorter! All of its favorite search words are inserted into your resume. It sees them just fine, but the naked eye has no idea they’re there. I was halfway skeptical about this when I first heard of it, but since applying this technique, I’ve gotten nearly three times as many phone calls and interviews. Because that’s what’s most important – getting noticed and/or invited in. But there’s a major catch that I have to point out. I use Indeed.com for many job searches, and the site allows for you to upload your resume for quick “one touch” applications for certain jobs. When you upload your resume to the site, it turns your white words black and it really DOES look like gibberish. Keep that in mind and happy hunting.

And feel free to post any job search tricks of your own! Because that unemployment extension bill just ain’t happening!

I jumped on board the bandwagon late in the game, just a few months ago, in fact. For any number of reasons, I ignored this series for a long time. But when I finally got around to it, I was completely blown away by it’s smart writing and diverse ensemble cast. Of course it was doomed to fail.

But this series was the “little engine that could,” always under threat of cancellation and mind-bogglingly slipping through the unlikely cracks of renewal year after implausible year. The seasons would get shorter and shorter as the cult fan base grew larger and larger. But the problem with that demographic is that it’s just never big enough.

If you build it, they will come: Jeff Winger is a disbarred lawyer jerk who has to go back to school and earn the degree he lied about having. Trying to get student activist Britta into bed, he offers to form a study group with just the two of them as members. But she invites five other classmates, ruining his sexy plans and leaving him to run a group he never even wanted. Hilarity ensued in the house that creator Dan Harmon built. Yet, nobody came to watch.

And I just don’t understand why. Was the series ignored because it couldn’t connect to a mass audience? Was there stiff competition in that time slot? As I’ve said, I discovered the show late, and could therefore be part of the problem, so I was never witness to its plight. But I do have strong opinions to offer.

This beautifully racially mixed cast brought great characters to the small screen and delivered their lines with expert lunacy. And how wonderfully written they were, with leagues of room to grow. Jeff is the self-impressed fashionista, dressed head to toe in sarcastic conceit. He later grows into a more sympathetic version of himself, but not at all less funny. Stoner Britta fails at first, as the writers didn’t seem to know how to keep her headstrong independence from being abrasive. But when she added on absent-minded buzzkiller traits, actress Gillian Jacobs surfed through the role like a comedic champ. Comparatively, former high school jock Troy (played by rap artist Donald Glover) is way too cool in the opening episodes. When his character embraces his geeky side and mellows out, it’s genius in the making. I will admit that the first season felt a bit rocky at times as the actors got used to their roles.

More about the characters. Danny Pudi’s TV-obsessed Abed is clearly autistic or perhaps dealing with Asperger’s Syndrome, leaving him with a difficulty in relating to others. Yet, somewhere along the line something magical happens! Abed and Troy somehow connect and become the cutest, funniest BFF duo since Harold and Kumar – minus the weed. It really is a touch that gave the show a pop (pop) that so many millions of viewers missed out on. Sometimes I found myself looking forward to an episode’s end tag, which commonly consisted of Abed and Troy doing something ridiculous during the credits.

Shirley is Jeff’s age, and a devout Christian who has mastered the art of kindness as well as ugly manipulation. And just when you’re bored of her, she has the potential to give the episode’s best line. She would also be the most ignored character on the show if not for veteran actor Chevy Chase’s millionaire, Pierce Hawthorne. Pierce literally just goes to school for the hell of it. He is lonely, selfish and passively racist/misogynistic. He so despises being left out of his friends’ plans that he’s been known to lash out hatefully. He has actually played the villain on a few occasions, both on and off the set. His war with Dan Harmon that ended with them both leaving the show is something to be Googled to be believed. Drama!

And then there’s Annie, the youngest…and hottest of the group. Overachieving and adorable, she’s commanded fanboy attention since the show started. I’d roll my eyes reading about some of my favorite bloggers’ obsessions with her…until I watched the show and witnessed it myself. Jesus God I love her so. And by the way, you haven’t lived til you’ve heard her freestyle rap in the show’s outtakes. She’s a charmer.

Backed by a wonderful supporting cast: the Dean, who steals scenes effortlessly in his bi-curious (or even flat-out gay) hilarity, will dress in drag, make passes at Jeff, and say every single line with perfect flamboyance. Senor Chang, the inept Spanish teacher who does a “Jeff Winger” and becomes a student when his lack of credentials are exposed, is probably the most insane TV character I’ve ever seen in my life. He never says or does anything rational and he’s the show’s secret weapon adrenaline shot. Lesser characters like Magnitude, Fat Neil, Todd, Leonard, Starburns…the list goes on and on and on…are a casting director’s dream. The unnecessarily panicky Garrett is pure brilliance all by himself. And Buzz Hickey, who joined the group in its final run, was a nice addition who just needed time to be developed. But we learned such great things about him! Amateur cartoonist, former cop, always carrying rope for some reason! God! Thinking back on all this, I’m so sad to see these folks go. They were a perfect comedy team.

But it wasn’t a perfect show. It had its clunker episodes like the one where they were video game characters, but the standout entries more than made up for their failures. “Remedial Chaos Theory” is the quintessentially flawless example of a bottle episode. The one where they were all animated G.I. Joe characters was inspired enough to call to my childhood. Touching, darker runs like “Mixology Certification” were handled with the type of expert tenderness one needs to make sad stuff funny. Yes, time and time again this show proved itself, and more than earned the respect of its loyal and loving fans. Fans like myself. Trekkie. Whovian. CloneClubber, and whatever the hell they are calling people who loved and lost when the truly darkest timeline would be to never have loved at all.

As a chronic Yelper since 2008, I’ve reviewed over 700 businesses. It’s a genius free-labor model that I wouldn’t take part in if it wasn’t fun – made extra cool with my Yelp Elite status, granting me access to free stuff, exclusive social gatherings, etc. And I was recently contacted by a business because I am good at it.

This niche little shop in Sanford, NC is struggling for business. To the point where the owner and, presumably the owner’s friends, posted a bunch of favorable fake Yelp reviews about said failing venture to make it shine. But Yelp’s bullshit detection algorithms shuffled these bogus posts into the “non-recommended” pile to be ignored. So, apparently at his wit’s end as to what to do to save his livelihood, the owner reached out to me, a stranger, for help.

To anyone not in the know, Yelp is a business review site and its battery is members – normal folks like you and me – who write the reviews. It’s the most popular review site on the planet and its power can make or break a small business. But they also have a preferential member tier called the “Elite” which is supposed to be its most trusted review source. Reviews from Elite members never get thrust into the “non-recommended” file. And this business owner knew this when he contacted me.

It was a simple message: “I’m a small business owner not getting a lot of traffic. I’ve only been open for a few months and I’d rather not close down in a few months. I was wondering if you had any interest in my product, and if so, would you mind paying a visit and reviewing your experience? I’d be happy to admit you free of charge for your patronage.”

Cut and dried. No bribery attempt, no innuendos, just a businessman with an honest invite for me to do something I’d have probably done anyway (700 reviews, remember?) And don’t think I wasn’t leery at first. After all, I’m a victim of attempted bribery. While I was in NYC, this Moroccan place offered me a free dinner for a POSITIVE review and I told them to hit the bricks. Different ballgame here.

So I checked out the place and it looked really nice. Cool renovations from the last tenant’s textile production house. Really sweet staff. So very strange that this place was being so largely ignored. And that’s when it hit me: the location sucks! What was he thinking? Behind a strip mall?? That’s the first thing they teach you – location, location, location! Can’t see it from the street and if you’re not looking for it you’ll never find it!

And that’s what I said in my review. Four out of five stars, because though everything was really cool, it wasn’t an incredible experience and the location choice was just bad business. And though I’m merely just one goofy-ass internet addict, hopefully my review counted as the kind of help he was looking for. I honestly mean that because hell…I’m terribly biased toward small businesses. Good ones, anyway. So if you’re like this poor fellow and you’re worried about whether your little nest egg will last or vanish, reach out to a few Yelp reviewers personally and ask them over. It works…as long as you don’t suck, that is. Have your shit together or it will backfire.

A damned hard to find song gets found and I’m gonna post the hell out of it for all the people who’ve waited a freakin’ year for the release. Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook…all my sites. Immediately.

Thanks to Netflix original programming we’re seeing some wonderful television. So long-suffering fans of “Arrested Development” being canceled get brand new seasons. Big welcome to the American adaptation of Britain’s “House Of Cards.” And in the much loved category of original programming, “Orange Is The New Black” could be the best of the lot. And then there’s the shit pile, where “Hemlock Grove” sits with its horror premise of yet another world where modern werewolves are just pathetically depicted as big dogs (see “Twilight” and “True Blood.”)

But Hemlock did one thing right: during a well-shot killing of two girls, a very cool song is being played in the background. Hearing the phrase “come and get it” over and over again, I took that to be the song’s name and went about to finding it. And failed every step of the way!

There weren’t enough seconds in the song clip for my phone’s Sound Hound app to decode it.

Internet searches for the soundtrack to the show drew blanks!

It seemed like everybody was looking for this song.

“Problem Child.” A nobody band was being stingy with their song! Breadcrumbs. And while some internet sleuths were dead set on the wild goose chase of insisting this was a song by Icona Pop, others like myself just waited patiently for a road that didn’t hit dead ends. Yet I kept seeing pieces of this damn song and just couldn’t get my hands on it!

This was getting damned ridiculous. Now…tonight while dicking around on the net, the song pops into my head. On a search that I expected to end at the usual useless broken road of suspects, a major discovery bobbed out of the water. The song had finally been released after over a year of anybody ever having heard it on mediocre scare TV. Wait, it had finally WHAT???

Quickly I set up an ITunes account for myself after repeated attempts at trying to hack my ex-wife’s failed. This was finally happening! It was seconds away! A little of that old clickity click and hello download prompt!! I finally got that goddammed song! And yes, as I write this…it’s been playing over and over and over again. I’ll be tired of it soon, but for now, it’s sweet sweet nectar from the buxom bosom of success.

I’m hoping this post pops up during searches for the song because I wasn’t the only sad sack out there pining over this stupid shit. Excelsior! The little things, indeed.