- - New to poly
(http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27079)

Caesar

08-23-2012 03:34 AM

New to poly

Hello everyone I am new to poly and I would like to get to know more about these type of relationships. I was in a relationship for 5 years and had the desire of including someone else in it but the female I was dealing with at the time thought I was crazy. I honestly think this is for me and would like to see what these types of relationships have to offer. I really look forward to meeting new people who share the same interests as me.

nycindie

08-23-2012 09:37 AM

Hi and welcome!

Every relationship, whether polyamorous or monogamous, has its own unique qualities. It all depends on the people involved, what they are looking for, and are willing to create for themselves. Polyamory is simply the practice or desire to have multiple loving relationships -- there is no common "type" of relationship nor specific poly "lifetsyle" to adopt. So, what kinds of relationships do you want? How do you envision making that happen?

I suggest you do some reading around this forum, read some of the stories in our Blogs section, check out our Golden Nuggets forum, and perhaps pick up a book on poly - there is a thread with suggestions for reading material. Any specific questions, please feel free to ask!

Caesar

08-23-2012 11:45 AM

I would like a relationship with another couple and there would be no jealousy what so ever involved. This is my first time, so I am very ignorant into the matter. I'm pretty much open for anything and I am really looking forward tot he experience.

ThirdAlternative

08-23-2012 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie
(Post 149960)

Hi and welcome!

Every relationship, whether polyamorous or monogamous, has its own unique qualities. It all depends on the people involved, what they are looking for, and are willing to create for themselves. Polyamory is simply the practice or desire to have multiple loving relationships-- there is no common "type" of relationship nor specific poly "lifetsyle" to adopt. So, what kinds of relationships do you want? How do you envision making that happen?

I suggest you do some reading around this forum, read some of the stories in our Blogs section, check out our Golden Nuggets forum, and perhaps pick up a book on poly - there is a thread with suggestions for reading material. Any specific questions, please feel free to ask!

I wonder how many confuse polyamory with just being plain old sexually promiscuous and using "well I'm polyamorous" as an excuse? I've certainly encountered a few men who said they were poly and I told them clearly they were not, because it's more of a relationship than just having a booty-call friend. It's because you want to be around that other person , you care for them, etc... Suddenly they would say "oh, I guess I was confused, I"m not looking for a relationship'.

Although I'm new to this board, I'm not new to this lifestyle. I suggest reading "The Ethical Slut" by Easton and Hardy. There's lots of good information there. What I got out of it was that polyamory is a CONSENSUAL relationship, everyone knows....EVERYONE..At least everyone 'should' know, but we know that's not always the case.

Good luck to you!

Caesar

08-23-2012 01:46 PM

If you don't mind me asking,how long have you been adapted to this lifestyle?

ThirdAlternative

08-23-2012 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caesar
(Post 149984)

If you don't mind me asking,how long have you been adapted to this lifestyle?

As for me, it's been 5+ years for us. We started off monogamous, briefly tried the swinging bit (which was way to impersonal for us; we were tired of feeling 'used' and being seen as "fresh meat") and looked in to forming more fulfilling relationships with people.

nycindie

08-23-2012 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThirdAlternative
(Post 149983)

I suggest reading "The Ethical Slut" by Easton and Hardy. There's lots of good information there.

A lot of poly people like that book, but I think just as many really hate it. Other popular books that get recommended quite a bit are Opening Up by Tristan Taormino and Polyamory in the 21st Century by Deborah Anapol.

If you don't mind me asking,how long have you been adapted to this lifestyle?

As I wrote previously, there actually is no such thing as a specific polyamorous lifestyle that people adopt. Poly is something you incorporate into your own lifestyle and make work in whatever way you want it. There are countless kinds of lifestyles that poly people live.

kdt26417

08-24-2012 12:22 AM

Greetings Caesar,
Just wanted to add my welcome to our forum.

There's a lot to learn about polyamory, so I recommend taking advantage of Polyamory.com and reading the various threads, asking any questions you may have, expressing your thoughts, concerns, etc.

Poly is relatively new in our world, often poorly understood, and not for everyone. I feel bad that your 5-year relationship ended, but it may be for the best. You now have the opportunity to meet lots of people here, and there are other resources out there. Keep exploring.

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Caesar

08-24-2012 01:10 AM

Thank you so much for the greeting. So far everyone seems really nice and involved with others and their thoughts. Everyone seems so caring and non-judgmental here. I really would like to know, how do you introduce polyamory to someone who you would like to have a relationship with without them thinking you're half crazy?

nycindie

08-24-2012 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caesar
(Post 150095)

I really would like to know, how do you introduce polyamory to someone who you would like to have a relationship with without them thinking you're half crazy?

Oh, you basically state what you're looking for. I don't use the word "polyamory" or any form of that - I say I am not interested in exclusivity. People understand that better, and it keeps things clear. Some people hear "poly" and think it's swinging and all about sex. So, you basically have to take the time to explain what you want and how you see relationships for yourself.

There are so-o-o-o many threads here about this. Please take some time to read around the forums - you may find that something someone posts about the topic strikes you as the perfect approach when meeting people.