Friday, May 20, 2016

Ten Years Ago: Where would I like to see myself in 10 years?

It feels like fairly recently that I was complaining that I couldn't clearly see what the future held in store for me. Well, this is something I wrote 10 years ago, thinking about the future and how I could achieve what I wanted.

Where would I like to see myself in 10 years?

Career:

I would like to be a contract programmer. I'd work 3 months to a year at
various locations in the area. There would be two weeks to a month
between contracts in which I didn't need to worry about money or jobs.
Most jobs would require a commute of at least 30 minutes, while some
would require an hour. There may be some smaller jobs (3 month)
requiring a commute of up to 1 hour 30 minutes. I would do some
independent work on the side.

[Note: This was written before I got my job at my current employer -- 10 years ago this August.]

Career skills: [redacted]

Personal:

I would like to continue to be happily married. Within 10 years, I
expect to have children, or have decided to either not have children or
to adopt. I would like to have the time to spend with my family and
wife. I would also like to have time to share some of my projects with
my kin.

Spiritual:

I would like to reconnect with my spirituality. I would like to find a
group of people also interested in my particular varient of polytheism. I
would like to comfortably grow in to my spiritual path, and in so doing
grow further as a person.

Option 1.

Career:

I can see myself reaching a [redacted] position and then
stagnating. My skills will slowly lose value with relationship to what
is in demand, and then if I lose my job, I won't be able to find further
work in the field. This could happen within 10 years, and if so, I will
wind up back as a cashier in a department store.

Career skills: [redacted]

Projects: None

Personal:

I see myself getting stupider and meaner. There is a chance I'll develop
a dependency problem on alcohol in an effort to make life more livable.
I will hate the person I've become, and that self-hatred will be
reflected in my relationships. If I am still married, it will be an
unhappy marriage. If I am unmarried I will have so thoroughly lost sight
of who I once was, that I will continue to follow in the established
downward spiral. If I have children, they will hate me almost as much as
I hate myself.

Spiritual:

My desire for spiritual growth will have devolved in to a vague loathing
of all religions. I will be able to remember that I was once a
polytheist, but I will be unable to reconnect spiritually.

Option 2.

Career:

I can see myself reaching a [redacted] position and then
stagnating. As my skills slowly lose value, my personal relationships
continue to deteriorate. Eventually, I can't take living with the person
I'm becoming. I pick up some hobbies, and I enhance my skill set. I
never reach a point where I telecommute, but I find steady contented
employment until I retire.

Career skills: [redacted]

Projects: STEW: Python, X11 UIs, Ncurses

[STEW was my last big project before I switched to writing and music.]

Personal:

I feel that this is more likely to happen after divorce. It is equally
possible that both the divorce and the loss of a job could happen
concurrently. This would be a call to re-prioritize my life, to
reevaluate where I am headed, and to reconnect with who I am as a
person. If I have children, I will be lucky if the divorce happens
before my relationship with them is irreparably harmed, as I will be
significantly better at being a father afterwards. I will have friends,
and spend time with them, though I will explicitly avoid romantic
relationships.

Spiritual:

I will fearlessly pursue my spirituality, knowing that it doesn't matter
if I become too divergent from the culture at large to find another
relationship. It will be primarily a personal path, as I will be
uncomfortable with spiritual intimacy with another person. I may write a
book and speak at various pagan conferences, either of which would
allow my beliefs a wider audience.

And that's it. No other options listed.

So, ten years ago, I predicted that without personal projects I would wither away in to a shallow husk that hated the world.

I also saw a future with personal projects and happiness post-divorce.

Sure, my projects have changed, and I'm happily employed full-time (though I have recently re-considered contract work as a way to supplement my income) but there's some real truth in this.