A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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I was brought to tears with the news that Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, only trousered a pathetic $8.7 million last year, $1.6 million less than he made in 2015. Oh, and in 2016 he only exercised/sold a mere $100 million in stock. What the fuck is this country coming to when corporate CEO’s can only rake in tens of millions, rather than billions? Don’t worry, Der Trumpf is going to make it all GREAT again. Meantime, the Federal minimum wage remains at $7.15 an hour, but will soon be abolished altogether.

Is this a GREAT Trump, or what? In Britain “Trump” is slag for “Fart.” Who needs Shakespeare?

With all the fuss about the DOJ investigation into ad agency production post units and how they are getting humongous kick backs from clients for creating abysmally bad creative work… I have to wonder why we can’t just go back to my Mad Man days of the sixties, when over an uber dollar November lunch at the Four Seasons or the Palm, the production company rep would ask what reward you yearned for at the upcoming Christmas season. Of course the value of the gift would be commensurate with the amount of money you had persuaded your agency to spend with them during that previous year. Obviously My God... I never indulged in such nefarious practices. “Cos, as you well know… I am a fucking prince!

Following a request from Chinese heavies, Apple has agreed to remove New York Timesapps from its app store in China. As of December 23, 2016, iPhone users in China are no longer able to download the English and Chinese-languageNew York Timesnews apps.The fact that Apple makes all its iPhones in China for fifty cents each might have something to do with it. China is also the world’s largest iPhone market. But most of those are probably fakes.

It’s been a long time since anyone has said “Did you see the great new campaign for XXX from Y&R?” Further proof that a once great agency is now scraping the bottom of the barrel is their latest effort for Xerox. It’s a nicely produced spot, but is an exact homage of a famous Alan Kay 1975 Super Bowl spot produced by long gone agency, Needham, Harper & Steers, "It's a miracle." Obviously, Y&R New York is now in the recycling biz.

Apparently along with Uber and other crackpot schemes, Airbnb is losing trillions of dollars annually. Several large cities around the world are limiting the number of days you can rent your abode to an axe murderer or drug baron. They also want owners to start paying taxes on their ill gotten gains. Reminds me of the time I posted about the World’s dumbest app… CLOO… The one that allows you to rent out your shithouse to total strangers so they can shoot up, and then murder you. Talk about “social media.” Shouldn’t this be “anti-social behavior?

My good mate and Guerrilla Marketing Pioneer, Floyd Hayes, has come up with a rather dandy idea… “Ad Score Stickers.” These will allow the unwashed masses the opportunity to either praise or pour shit on the advertising they are exposed to. The pack of five Ad Score Stickers feature a score and comment: 1/5 (terrible) to 5/5 (great). Based on the pathetic current state of the ad biz, I am ordering a bumper pack of 1/5 stickers. Floyd, you can send them, along with the usual “Pimping Check” to my account in Zurich.

Apparently guests at Der Trumpf’s New Years gross out at his Mar-a-Lago temple of grossness, were subjected to a 10-minute speech containing his signature attacks on the press calling them “garbage.” He also praised the family of a billionaire developer from Dubai who has paid Der Trumpf millions to lease his name. By praising his business partner from Dubai, the obviousness of a man conflicted between his business and public roles became clear. "Hussain [Sajwani] and the whole family, the most beautiful people, are here from Dubai tonight.” While he praised the members of Mar-a-Lago, he was hostile toward their guests: "I don't really care too much about the guests. I don't give a shit about their guests." This to the 800 paying guests who had coughed up $525 per ticket to be insulted by their future “Cock sucker – in – Chief.” Serves them fucking right.

Ooh la la… France began to use a new opt-out system of organ donation on Jan. 1, making it one of many European nations that now use a "presumed consent" system. This means that any adult who dies will now donate their organs by default, regardless of their survivors' wishes, unless they have signed a refusal registry in advance. This means your mean spirited next of kin douche-nozzle's can’t flog your “essentials” to a rich old fucker that wants to live forever.

I’m always amused when I hear ads for the “PajamaGram” company, the one that offers festive designs in pajamas for every member of the family, including dogs and cats if you are dumb enough to dress them up. Well… This news just in… A pit bull attacked three people after one of them tried to put a sweater on it. Tampa police say the dog, named “Scarface,” bit a 52-year-old woman who was trying to dress him. He then attacked the woman’s husband when he tried to pull the dog off of her. Police say the couple’s 22-year-old son was attacked while trying to stop the dog by stabbing it in the neck and head. The three people escaped the house and left the dog in the backyard. Police say animal control officers shot it with a tranquilizer gun, but it managed to get back into the house where there were two children present. Police used a bean bag gun and stun gun on the animal before catching it. I would have left the stupid fuckers to the mercy of “Scarface.” Sounds like a smart dog to me.

Just to start the New Year off right… Stumbleupon has a list of the 58 most commonly misused words in the English language. I am shocked… Shocked I say that it does not include “Awesome.” Just the other day, I was in a coffee shop when the lady in front of me asked for a glass of water. When the server placed it in front of her on the counter, the woman said… “That’s awesome.” I leaned over and said… “No it’s not; it’s just a glass of water.” Obviously I can’t go back there again.