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Are you an instinctive asshole?

I’m not sure if I can describe this feeling correctly or completely. It’s happened more than once despite my trying to fight it. If you have a young child you may understand what I’m about to say.

There’s an emotional feeling that triggers an odd sensation which starts just below the oesophagus but no lower than the heart. It causes my pulse to increase, an unknown tingle beneath my ribs, slight muscle tension, focused pupils and – oddly – phlegm. Just the right amount of cortisol and dopamine are produce to cancel each other. I’m emotionally overridden, like how instinct takes over or when the amygdala chooses fight or flight, to the point of unfamiliar hatred and jealousy. This never manifests into any type of physical form though.

When I emerge from this state, which only lasts for seconds but feels like forever, I feel like a hole of an ass. This distinctive feeling only arises when I see another child in my own sons age range. I instinctively feel that I want my son to be the best, the smartest, the most adorable, the most loved and wanted. Like there’s no other child in the world. Why can the other kid kick the ball better or say words my kid doesn’t know……little bastard!

Is this natural? I would think so. It’s natural to want your child to be the right combination of Einstein, Usain Bolt, Brad Pitt and F Scott Fitzgerald. Why are negative feelings towards the other kids taking over, they never did anything? surely I shouldn’t feel hatred towards them.

I sit there quietly with a fake smile until the episode is over, I don’t feel remorse, I don’t feel sorry……..only like an asshole.

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2 responses to “Are you an instinctive asshole?”

LOL dude… I am not sure about the asshole feeling, but about wanting your child to be all that !!! GOD you speak about me again… Sometimes I want him to be the best soccer player in the world, then the best tennis champion, then a marathoner and best runner, then a sometimes scientist, then maybe a singer !

The feeling is there and when I think about it using my head, I feel that it’s stupid and I have to stop the emotions ! LOL

That day my son (8 months old) was looking at me giving me this calm and peaceful smile, i felt like he was telling me “I trust you dad that you are gonna make be the best person in the world” … MAN … Am I insane here…

What I know is that I wanna go through anything in the world for him.. to make him the best he can ever be…

It’s good to hear that you’re actually going through this. It just means that you’re conscious about it and that you’re going to unconsciously working harder on making him the best. Allah ye7fitha inshallah.

As for the “look”, he’s most probably saying what you felt…..children are much much smarter than we grant them.