Gear To Survive The Trumpocalypse

Nine Pieces Of Gear You'll Need To Survive The Next Four Years

With Trump's presidency upon us, it's important to look around yourself and make sure that everything that is near and dear to your heart is safe.

If there's one thing Democrats and (many) Republicans can agree upon, is that this madness has taken and will take its toll on the Land of the Free. Having hundreds of millions of people ruled by a single hate-spewing Twitter account is not exactly something that both Democrats and the GOP alike support.

Rough times are ahead, and now is the time to invest in the things, you may be taking for granted today, but will have to be fought over Black-Friday style in the near future. So, without further ado, here are nine pieces of gear that are absolutely essential for surviving the rough times ahead.

Contraception

With the future of provision of contraceptives and birth control in question, it's time to stock up on condoms, and maybe even birth control pills for your significant other. Who knows how long this first-world gravy train will last?

The Donald Trump Bug-Out Bag

Cult card game makers Cards Against Humanity have got you covered. This duffle bag comes with "over a dozen items hand-picked to help you survive the collapse of civilization after Donald Trump is elected."

A Hazmat Suit

When the collapse of civilization is underway, you don't want to get stuck without your trusty hazmat suit. Dying of radiation is not a nice way to go. Eventually drowning, when global warming catches up with us is probably a much more enjoyable experience.

A Float

Once the sea levels rise enough for most of our shorelines to be covered in water, you don't want to be caught off guard. With this fancy, swan-shaped float, you'll ride the epic tsunami-like waves in style, while millions drown.

A multitool

Once society is at the brink of collapsing, keeping a clear head and prepared for the worst will become paramount. Be ready for almost any situation with this Gerber multitool, as you escape from the rubbles of what's left of a once civilized country.

Orange face paint

The last thing you want to do is stand out, when the world as we know it implodes under the pressure of uncertainty and sheer incompetence. With this dark orange face paint, they will see you as one of them, and you and your family be warranted safe passage out of the once-United States.

A dictionary

Once the government's main method of internal communication will be reduced to a number of tweets, it's probably best to brush up on what will be left of the English language with the help of a dictionary, to remind you of the times, when culture and literature were valued.

A Canadian passport

Prepare to escape the wreckage of a once united and stable democracy with the help of a Canadian passport. Our neighbors to the north will welcome you with open arms and shield your eyes from what's to come.

An Offshore Bank Account

Before the banking sector collapses in on itself, it's probably wise to store some of your hard-earned cash across the pond, until all of this blows over in 2020.

AskMen may receive a portion of revenue if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service.
The links are independently placed by our Commerce team and do not influence editorial content. To find out more, please read our complete
terms of use.