Good Old Reliable Jake

Good Old Reliable Jake
JAKE:
Who’s the world’s most reliable human being
Who’s the one folks call for help with everything
Who’s the one man you can count on when your life is at stake
It’s good old reliable Jake

Who can help you when you’ve lost your keys
Or when you need double bypass surgery
Who can be your partner in the two-man luge
And can sneak a dead hooker out your hotel room

Who’s every senior citizen’s favourite mime
And who can pass Courvoisier like Busta Rhymes
Who was the inspiration for the Shamrock Shake
It’s good old reliable Jake

Who invented the formula for Krazy Glue
And who nailed all the chicks on The View
Who was the last man to walk on the moon
And who won the fourth Oscar for directing Platoon

Who’s the point guard for the Memphis Grizzles
And who coined the phrase “fo’ shizzle my nizzle”
It was me, can’t you see? I ain’t no fake
I’m good old reliable Jake

Do you believe I can get you down the path?

ANNIE:
I believe!

JAKE:
Do you believe I can get you to the cabin?

ANNIE:
I believe!

JAKE:
If you need a guy to get you through them woods
And I knows that trail and I knows it good
You can trust in me, there’s no mistake
I’m good old reliable Jake
You can trust in me, there’s no mistake
I’m good old reliable Jake