Suddenly, we’re having to pick between Team Edward and Team Jacob. We’re watching “The Vampire Diaries,” which proved that yes, vampires have issues too. We’re even watching adaptations of weird foreign films featuring vampire children (though “Let Me In” was pretty awesome). And let’s not forget that the sexy Kate Beckinsale has played a vampire in approximately half a dozen “Underworld” movies by now.

This has all been good fun. The fan girls get to scream at “Twilight” and stalk Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner obsessively, and the adults get to watch weekly HBO vampire sex (and a legitimate plot) on “True Blood.” With all the hype building up over this, the next logical step is the forthcoming blockbuster, “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.” Wait, what? read more »

The news they brought back was not comforting, but then, when was the last time you heard good news about a plastic vortex? Or any vortex, really?

Apparently the behemoth was much larger than was previously expected. The plastic has collected there due to ocean currents, and has potentially apocalyptic implications for sea life in the area. And if you eat some tuna that’s been noming on Safeway bags all its life who knows what could happen.

A flaming squirrel, to be exact. It shorted out a power line, combusted and fell over into a dry patch of grass. The important thing to consider here, though, is not what we can do to protect the sanctity of our dry vegetation. Instead, as one SF Gate commenter puts it, “would this have happened if the squirrel were straight?” Ah yes, a conundrum indeed.

Too bad we can’t say the same for the other crazies and dunces. We may have exactly that (crazies and dunces) at our protests, but we sincerely hope we can avoid the hot mess in our classes at least.

Oh God. Heidi Klum manages to make us embarrassed for her. We all saw Tyra and the Vaseline. We think our point goes without saying.

Then there’s this next picture:

Blogger NancyKay Shapiro snapped this beauty in a local grocery store in NYC. Unfortunately, she was the only smart one around (or at least the only one with somewhat functioning mental capabilities). We’re surprised it’s not wrapped with bacon and shoved into an oyster shell.

But surely the Hanukkah spirit hasn’t been ruined yet, Gentiles be damned! The Clog would like to extend a “happy Hanukkah!” to you all. May your menorah stay bright … and your heads brighter.

WTF is an accumulation of all the weird things going on … outside of Berkeley. You see, we’re not so weird after all.

Computer program can learn baby talk: A computer program shows how babies learn to speak by decoding sounds from different languages. Previously, the story states, theories held that babies knew all the sounds from all languages of the globe. If that were true, how come the Clog babies didn’t know Afrikaans upon birth, eh? But now we know that’s not necessarily true. Next step: make babies into computers. Now that’d be cool.

But if that doesn’t work, we could always just make babies suck on lemons. And then laugh at them (apparently that’s the essence of college humor).

Can computers speak that language? We didn’t think so.

Maid jailed for serving up urine: In Hong Kong, a maid has been arrested on a charge of “administering poison or other destructive or noxious substance with intent to injure” to her employer. Is pee really that serious? If urine is so damn destructive, then why did Kevin Costner drink his own in “Waterworld”? Either way, that’s one helluva way to resign.

China busts seller of 18,000 fake Viagra pills: Fake Viagra pills? Heavens forbid we deprive the Chinese population of old-man erections! The Clog thinks this was secretly a ploy to further enforce the one-child policy. If you can’t get it up, you can’t pop more out. For shame.

Oscar the Cat Predicts Patients’ Deaths: We thought we had to worry about only black cats crossing our paths, but apparently it’s just Oscar, the kitty of death, we have to fret. Whenever Oscar shows up, people die—and it’s happened 25 times already. The nursing home thinks he can sniff out death. We think they should check into his medical history. Sounds like SARS to us.

WTF is an accumulation of all the weird things going on … outside of Berkeley. You see, we’re not so weird after all.

American Brothers Gored in Bull Run: A bull broke from the pack during the running of the bulls festival in Pamplona and injured two brothers, goring both of them in the process. One brother suffered goring in what the press likes to call “the buttocks,” and the other saw the bull pierce his leg. There are explicit pictures. We suggest you not eat while looking at them, especially if you’re feasting on kebabs.

Women demand female Pamplona bull run, with cows: Women participate in the yearly festival, but in paltry numbers, some say. And the cows are all for equal rights. Double plus for no possibility of goring. We just hope nobody cries over spilled milk.

Irish Bookie Loses on the Wrong Al Gore: A bookie paid out more than $13,500 to people who bet Al Gore would be the next American celebrity arrested. The bookie didn’t specify which Al Gore, so when A.G. III got pulled over for speeding and the police arrested him on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs, some people were big winners (the odds were 14:1). But we all win, really. Time Magazine came out with a story titled “Al Gore’s Son: An Inconvenient Youth.” Aww yeah.

WTF is an accumulation of all the weird things going on … outside of Berkeley. You see, we’re not so weird after all.

Puerto Rico’s El Nuevo Dia features the dance of the sperm children. In English, the caption reads: “Youths dramatize in front of the Capitol personifying sperm that were painted in colors.” This photo seems to modernize the Monty Python song “Every Sperm Is Sacred.” We’re not so sure, however, it was meant to be as funny as the original–the spermies were serious in protesting against same-sex marriage.