Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRATICYou have two cowsYour neighbor has noneYou feel guilty for being successfulBarbara Streisand sings for you

REPUBLICANISMYou have two cowsYour neighbor has noneSo?

SOCIALISTYou have two cowsThe government takes one and gives it to your neighborYou form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow

COMMUNISTYou have two cowsThe government seizes both and provides you with milkYou wait in line for hours to get itIt is expensive and sour

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cowsYou sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLEYou have two cowsUnder the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain

AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cowsYou sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd oneYou force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.You are surprised when one cow drops dead.You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expensesYour stock goes up

FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cowsYou go on strike because you want three cowsYou go to lunch and drink wineLife is good

JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cowsYou redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milkThey learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trainsMost are at the top of their class at cow school

GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cowsYou engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hourUnfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year

ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows but you don’t know where they areWhile ambling around, you see a beautiful womanYou break for lunchLife is good

RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cowsYou have some vodkaYou count them and learn you have five cowsYou have some more vodkaYou count them again and learn you have 42 cowsThe Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have

TALIBAN CORPORATIONYou have all the cows in Jalalabad, which are twoYou don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private partsYou get a $40 million grant from the government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons

IRAQI CORPORATIONYou have two cowsThey go into hidingThey send radio tapes of their mooing

POLISH CORPORATIONYou have two bullsEmployees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them

BELGIAN CORPORATIONYou have one cowThe cow is schizophrenicSometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s FlemishThe Flemish cow won’t share with the French cowThe French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milkThe cow asks permission to be cut in halfThe cow dies happy

FLORIDA CORPORATIONYou have a black cow and a brown cowEveryone votes for the best looking oneSome of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black oneSome people vote for bothSome people vote for neitherSome people can’t figure out how to vote at allFinally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow

CALIFORNIA CORPORATIONYou have millions of cowsThey make real cheeseOnly five speak English Most are illegalsEveryone likes the ones with the big udders