The Jewish Ethicist - Stand Up for Elders' Rights

Nudging others to perform the mitzvah to honor an old person.

Q. It bothers me when fellow passengers don't stand up for older people, yet I am reluctant to start giving moral instruction to complete strangers. What should I do?

SOURCES: (1) Babylonian Talmud Kiddushin 32b (2) Babylonian Talmud Bava Batra 9a. A. The most important thing is to provide a seat for someone who has difficulty standing, whether due to age, some handicap, or even a healthy person you can just see is exhausted or sore. This is a simple fulfillment of the mitzvah to help the needy; the Torah tells us to help the needy person "what he is lacking" (Deuteronomy 15:8), whether this is money, aid, or any other need. But it also appropriate to offer your seat to any older person. The Torah commands us, "Rise before the gray, and honor the old; fear you God, I am the Lord." (Leviticus 19:32.) The "rising" mentioned in the verse is a show of honor and respect, and the Talmud states that we are not obligated to suffer a loss in order to show this honor. (1) However, there is no doubt that rising to assist an older person, such as by giving him or her a seat on the bust, is a great honor and a praiseworthy act. The great medieval authority Nachmanides gives this commandment as an example of how the Torah commands us to "do the right and the straight in the eyes of the Lord" (Commentary on Deuteronomy 6:18). In other words, honoring elders is a fundamental ethical principle. In the Talmudic discussion on this verse, some sages were of the opinion that the "old" in the verse means elders in the sense of leaders and sages. But the conclusion is that any old person needs to be honored: "Issi ben Yehuda says, 'Rise before the gray' – any old person is implied." (1) One understanding is that Issi ben Yehuda doesn't dispute the understanding of "elders"; he merely maintains that we should assume that any older person has acquired wisdom and experience which should be honored and acknowledged. What about nudging others to perform this mitzvah? Judaism certainly doesn't encourage us to be busy-bodies constantly paying attention to the conduct of others, but it also doesn't teach the extreme neutrality and privacy sometimes idealized in modern urban society. Encouraging others to do good deeds is encouraged, and the Talmud even states, "One who induces others to a [good] deed, is greater than one who performs a [good] deed himself." (2) So there is no reason to be ashamed to turn to someone in a gentle and respectful way and point out that there is an old or frail person standing nearby. However, in this respect I would limit such an approach to the case of a passenger who has difficulty standing, where the mitzvah is to provide for his needs, and not disturb others in the case of a healthy elderly person, where the mitzvah is primarily one of honor. The main reason is that there is little honor in such an act. The moment this gesture of respect is motivated only by some external influence, like a fellow passenger, it loses most of its meaning. Another consideration is that some older people, especially today when many seniors look and feel quite youthful, may actually be embarrassed to be singled out for honor because of their age. This is not a reason for you yourself to refrain from offering them a seat as a gesture of respect; older people still deserve this recognition, even if they ultimately decline it. But it does make it superfluous to nudge others. Finally, even if you do your best to be gentle and inoffensive in your approach to the sitting passenger, there is always the slight chance that he or she may be offended, and honoring one person should never be achieved at the risk of embarrassing someone else. Even in the case of a frail or handicapped individual, when it may well be appropriate to point out their presence to a sitting passenger, it is of the utmost importance to be understated. This is not only because of general principles of good manners but also because you need to judge the sitter favorably. Even a person who looks young and healthy may be tired or injured or otherwise find it difficult to stand. The same chapter of Leviticus which commands us to honor the old also tells us, "Judge your fellow man righteously" (Leviticus 19:15) – give him the benefit of the doubt.

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About the Author

Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir is Research Director at the Business Ethics Center of Jerusalem (www.besr.org). He studied at Harvard, received a PhD in Economics from MIT, and rabbinic ordination from the Israeli Chief Rabbinate. Prior to moving to Israel, he worked at the Council of Economic Advisers in the Reagan administration. Rabbi Dr. Meir is also a Senior Lecturer in Economics at the Jerusalem College of Technology and has published several articles on business, economics and Jewish law. He is the author of the two-volume, "Meaning in Mitzvot (Feldheim), and his Aish.com columns form the basis of the "Jewish Ethicist" book (ktav.com).

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!