My phone gives me serious anxiety. When I’m on it and scrolling through social media I feel like I’m not good enough. All of these amazingly dope people I follow are out here killing it with their amazing style, loving husbands, and frequent sponsorships and here I am being average. Every time I get a news alert I heart sinks as I read about politicians in this country who continue to put their personal interests before the well being of their constituents, Even my damn health tracker makes me feel inadequate by reminding my that I have not taken the recommended ten thousand steps that will help me reach my goal weight. It’s exhausting. It’s draining.

If I’m being completely honest, I spend several hours per day on my phone and the actual value that it adds to my life is zero to none. In an effort to get my life together and feel better I’ve set some ground rules for screen time. Here are my tips to live your best life and treat your phone more like a resource and less like a necessity.

Choose Who You Follow Wisely

I recently cleaned my social media feed and I feel so much better for it. If a person’s posts and content doesn’t inspire me, make me laugh, or make me think, I hit unfollow. If a person’s posts make me feel bad about myself, I unfollow. If a person’s posts bully or demean others, then I probably wasn’t following in the first place. It’s simple. Social media is meant to connect people so we often think of the people we follow as friends but if is a friendship is toxic it’s best to end that relationship.

Designated Phone Free Times

The first half an hour after I wake up and the last half an hour before I go to bed are not for checking social media. This makes for a more peaceful morning and an easier and more restful sleep. I also place my phone face down when interacting with friends and stay off of it while at the movies. Actually enjoying the time spent with the people in front of me has made me realize that I need to be present in my day to day interactions with others.

Check Your Intent

This one is for the influencers and bloggers! Social media is a tool that we all use to promote ourselves and our message. We have all gotten caught in the numbers game. We wonder why we don’t have the followers that would reflect the quality of our content and it can be crippling. It stifles creativity and the content that we make is curated to gain more followers instead of engage the people who are already interested in what we put out there. At this point, you should ask yourself, why am I here? Am i serving a purpose or just playing the numbers game? If you’re only interested in numbers then continue on but if you’re looking to grow organically, stop stressing about it! Keep putting out quality with consistency and stop looking at what everyone else is doing with their feeds. Focusing more on me and what I’m trying to do has relieved so much stress.

Am I a perfect example of how to unplug? Absolutely not. I’m still guilty of getting on my phone to look up something on Google and then find myself scrolling down Instagram’s explore page an hour later but I’m working on it and feel much better for it.

Do you need to unplug? What are your best practices for taking a break from social media?

"I'm just going to take a leap of faith and go for it". I wish I could tell you all how many times I've said those words when applying for a job, pitching myself or services, or looking to spend money in order to better myself instead of on shoes. It's always a leap of faith.

Which is dumb. Faith is what you have when you can't see, it's for the unknown. But I know my damn self, I see myself every damn day, and I damn sure know what I'm capable of doing. So why am I so hesitant to invest in that? It's a sure thing!

Since the beginning of my blog, I depended on a significant other for my images and they were fine (some of my pictures were actually great) but they never had that pop that I wanted. My artistic vision was never quite realized. Not to mention the fact that you can't necessarily tell a loved one that you hate the pictures that they took the time to do for you without starting a huge argument. When that relationship ended I panicked for a number of reasons: I didn't want to be alone, that one income life is rough, I didn't know if anyone else would want me and blah blah blah. I also thought about this space. I thought about who was going to take my pictures. Crazy selfish, right? But it was a reality.

Then I started to see the opportunity in this moment. Like, wait! This is the moment that I needed to be pushed to, this is the moment where I stop accepting less than what I envisioned and pay someone for this shit. Someone I can say "Nah this it ain't it" to without it being an issue or "This is my vision" to and it's their actual job to help me make that happen. This was the moment where I could invest in myself and passion to get the things that I wanted out of it. This wasn't a leap of faith, this was me going for it.

You are so much more than a leap of faith. Spending your hard earned money or free time on the betterment of yourself isn't faith. That class you're taking, the money you're saving for that piece of equipment you need, the coach you just hired, that's not a leap of faith. That's you saying I'm going after I want, that shit is mine.

It's been almost seven years and I think I've got this twist out down.

Okay, so your twist out doesn't suck. I would never say or think that. You're amazing and beautiful and wonderful. But maybe your twist out just isn't giving you life or acting right. I went through the same issue until I started experimenting and came up with this fail proof, step by step, twist out system. If you're struggling like I was, I hope this helps!

This is the easiest sep by step guide for success!

First things first, It's not about the products. I'll tell you what I used but it's not the main factor in twist out success. This is all about the technique. The #flickadawrist if you will.

1. I start on Freshly washed and moisturized hair. My hair holds a curl better and looks much nicer when it's clean.

2. I like my twist outs with definition AND volume. If you want more definition, twist your hair while wet. If your prefer volume, style on dry hair. I try to style my hair that's about 85% dry and fairly stretched. This prevents tangles and gives me the shape that I love. I get the big hair look without sacrificing the curls I love.

3. Now I prefer flat twists over regular, two strand twists because I love the curl that they give. That being said, there's an art to flat twisting your hair. Parts and sections should be neat but not perfect. I try not to take from other sections while I'm twisting and twist smaller sections for tighter curls.

4. When you take down your twists, there is no need to add extra product or oil. It doesn't reduce frizz, it's just more product. I simply make sure my twists are dry, take them down gently and fluff! Easy peasy!

Hopefully this helps you all on your journey to the perfect twist out!

I feel like we're at the point where we know each other so hopefully you all know that I don't push products that I don't believe in. It's really as simple as that. If it isn't something that's going to benefit my lovely readers then its not the move. Simple as that. And if you have been following me for long enough, you've seen me post about My Fluffy Puffs products before. When I tell y'all I stan for this brand, I mean I STAN for it. It's black owned and operated, woman owned and operated, they move with integrity, and the customer service/shipping is on fleek. Not to mention that the products are bomb (btw this isn't paid or sponsored, I just really love their products). The hair care brand recently dropped a new Shampoo/Body bar which was supposed to be a limited run but it has been hinted that the Lavish Bar would make a comeback. That being said, I though It would only be appropriate to do a review comparing the new Lavish Bar to my old faithful Rhassoul Bar by My Fluffy Puffs. I'll go through point by point and hClopefully you can decide which one you would like to try.

Cleansing

Hands down the lavish bar cleaned my scalp and hair more than the Rhassoul Clay Bar. As a matter of fact there was no need to do a second was with the lavish bar as the first time did the trick. The lavish bar created suds immediately while the rhassoul clay bar didn't get "soapy" until the second shampoo. This is probably due to the activated charcoal in the lavish bar which helps detoxify.

Moisturizing

On the other end, the Rhassoul Clay bar maintained my hair's moisture and didn't strip my stands which was nice. I don't do a deep clean on my hair every time I wash so this gentle cleanse is appreciated. When using the Rhassoul Clay bar, I can have a lazier wash day because I don't have to incorporate as much deep conditioning.

Curl Poppage

Understanding that poppage isn't a real word but I feel like we see each other here. Which one of these shampoos gave my curls the more bounce and definition? The Lavish Bar. I think because it was so cleansing, my hair was free from product build up which can weigh down strands.

Overall Thoughts

The Rhassoul bar is still bae and I feel like it's something that I can keep in rotation for my weekly washes. My hair always feels soft, clean, and moisturized after using it. I would keep the lavish bar the once a month detoxifying wash that I do which helps my scalp and hair stay fresh and clean.

I really wish I could express my contempt for fast fashion. It's deep. And it's real. As a student of product development (an expensive way of saying fashion design), I hated listening to professors list of the social, economic, and environmental ramifications of cheaply produced, on trend clothing because who are you to tell me that my latest Forever 21 shopping spree is terrible on every level? To a broke college student, there was no better feeling than being able to buy an entire night out look for less than fifty dollars week after week.

As I get older, I've realized the importance of taking it slow and how there is beauty in that. I used to walk everywhere fast, talk fast, eat as if someone was going to still my food (actually I still do that), and get annoyed at anyone who didn't move at my neck breaking pace. How dare they move at a reasonable pace? Don't they understand that life is short? Now, I find myself wanting to appreciate every moment, even the small ones. I've been loving boredom lately: taking the time to breathe and think and feel has become a hobby. I used to love the instant gratification of fast: fast fashion, fast relationships, fast food. Now, more and more, I realize that slow is beautiful.

I enjoy long romantic walks through the clearance section and to the bank.

It seems like everyday I read an article or blog post about how millennials are financially doomed. Let's face it, costs of living are going up, wages are stagnant, and we're all essentially screwed, Honestly, most people my age are struggling and buying the most luxury fashions is not on the top of most people's priority list.

That being said I refuse to give up on being cute. Lately, I've been focusing on building a staple wardrobe with pieces that can be worn time and again without drawing attention and adding very few "statements" or conversation pieces. A huge help to adding fun and trendy items has been Rent the Runway Unlimited. I initially was put off by the price of the service but I have found it to be really helpful in enhancing my style and honestly it's well worth the cost and much cheaper than buying individual pieces.

Overall, this look was less than $100 when you factor in the cost of the unlimited service and each piece can be worn in separate looks.

Channeling my second favorite member of my second favorite 90s girl group.

First of all, I didn't realize how damn white this look was until looking at the pictures. Ya girl was out here shining bright like a diamond. Secondly, I really can't tell you how good it felt to be cute AND comfortable. My feet didn't hurt for one second and I wasn't worried about my shapewear showing AND I still looked dressed to go somewhere. This was an all-around win and I'm already trying to figure out when I can wear it again.

Why you bother me when you know you don't want me? In loving memory of Tasha, the girl I used to be.

The popularity of Insecure, especially amongst black Millennials, comes as no surprise to this (old) black millennial. The HBO show is relatable on almost every level and much like Sex and the City it provides a character for every woman to claim as "her". In each episode I see myself. I've been Molly struggling to express myself in therapy, I've been Issa unhappy and unfulfilled at a thankless job, I've been the bougie friend who thinks she's better than everyone because she's in a seemingly successful relationship, and as much as I hate to admit it, when I was REALLY insecure, I was Tasha.

We all know a Tasha. And if we're being completely honest with ourselves most of us have been a Tasha. She's the girl who's too cute to deal with the mess that she does, she's too nice in not so nice situations, and she's agreeable in every way because she's been told to be agreeable. Everything is cool with her. He didn't call when he said he would? Cool. Forgot about that date y'all scheduled? Cool. He can never hang out in the light of day? Cool. She's cool because cool girls don't stress dudes out and cool girls get chose. Except for when they don't. Because despite being cool with all the ridiculousness she's also desperately extra. Taking selfies on first dates to post on Instagram and constantly trying to have the "what are we?" conversation without actually having it are hardly the way to anyone's heart. And yet Tasha perseveres. She tricks herself into believing that the dude giving her the goods Friday through Sunday is "The One" worthy of her time and attention and over looks all of the fuck boy qualities because he's a nice guy meaning that he's not the most egregious asshole she's ever met because Tasha's standards are dumb low.

If you're up in your feelings right about now it's probably because you've been a Tasha. If I could recoup the hours that I spent chasing dudes that were clearly not interested in me or only interested in certain parts of me I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would waste so much time and energy projecting my ideas of what a man should be onto every guy I met to the point that I just knew that we were meant to be. Cute, check. Job, check. Car, check. He has a pulse, check. Well, if he fills out all of those boxes, then he'd obviously be great in a relationship and he's clearly meant for me. What I didn't realize was that I was looking for validation from outside sources instead of finding it in myself. I didn't feel worthy of my own love so I sought it from others who weren't willing to give it to me but pretended that they were. They were emotionally available to the point that I felt a connection but not enough for me to get comfortable in which ultimately left me feeling empty and dumb as hell.

I wish I could tell you the exact moment that I decided to stop letting fuck boys live in my mental space but I can't. I just got tired of being tricked by myself and by them. That's when I stopped running to the phone every time it rang and accepting every invitation to chill. It was freeing. It was about as satisfying as Tasha informing Lawrence that he's been wearing the "good guy" costume this whole time.

This is how you stand when someone's wasting your time and you're about to snatch it back.

Last week, Representative Maxine Waters of California pretty much stopped the world when she boldly and unapologetically spoke the now infamous words, "Reclaiming My Time" in an effort to stop a man who was, essentially, trying to waste it. When the offending gentleman protested against this proclamation, Rep. Waters got a bit deeper and explained to him that, "when you are on my time, I can reclaim it". It was at this moment that Black Twitter imploded and the foolery began. With memes, gifs, album covers, and gospel remakes galore the gentlewoman from California basically broke the internet machine a la Beyonce circa 2013. While I participated in the shenanigans and still listen to the gospel remix as part of my morning regimen (because motivation) I started to think about those three words on a deeper level.

In an effort to live more intentionally and rid myself of some pretty nasty anxiety I've been cutting out things, people, and habits that do not serve a purpose in my life. This means giant closet purges, being disciplined enough to avoid sinkholes that would lead self-destructive behavior (that's a work in progress) and enacting a firm "Stay over there. No, further away, please" policy. Honestly, it's not fun and can feel terribly isolating but I know every time I distance myself from someone or something, I'm making room for something better. With all of these changes, I still find myself feeling like all of my time is being stolen from me. Morning rushes into afternoon and afternoon melts into the night and next thing you know I've gone another day without accomplishing anything meaningful.

So now, it only makes sense that I reclaim my precious time. You know, that thing you can never get back? As a chronic procrastinator and people pleaser, I watch my time run away from me on a daily basis. Should I do that thing that will actually add value to my life or scroll on Instagram for two and a half hours? That person is calling you again and whats you to basically work for free? Go ahead and answer and tell them yes because people's opinion of you matters. Recently I have come to realize that I am allowed to be selfish and meticulous with my time. Hell, even downright miserly. Because it's mine and when you're on my time I can reclaim it.

J' adore Joelle

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So here's the thing: I'm really hard on myself. As a blogger, I follow quite a few awesome creators and while I'm often inspired by their work, I also find myself asking should I be doing this like them? Should I have that super clean white feed? Would I be more successful if I was married with kids? The list goes on. The fact is that's not me and that's where I am right now. So until then y'all are gonna get this messy feed with random captions and weird IG stories of stuff I think is funny 🤷🏾‍♀️

What do you mean it's Monday, AGAIN??? 😩😩😩

Happy Monday, Queens!

It's Friyayyyy! I've noticed that I have some new friends on here so I figured I'd introduce myself. A few "fun" (they're not really fun, more like small tidbits that are mildly interesting) facts about me:
1. 90s R&B is the only music I acknowledge.
2. I say I'm on the Keto diet but if you see me eating a plate of French Toast, mind ya business.
3. It is ACTUALLY against my religion to pay full price for anything. #everythinggoesonsale
4. I only play an extrovert on Social Media.
5. I am constantly thinking about my next meal.
6. Target and Wegmans are my safe spaces.
7. I say my blog is for fashion and personal style, but really it's a place for me to talk stuff out with myself.
Now tell me something about you! What are you up to this weekend?

If you find yourself a little sad today about the state of your singleness, understand that those are COMPLETELY valid feelings. But I also want to offer a gentle reminder:
Self love = love worth celebrating
Friendships that build you up = love worth celebrating
Relationships with non toxic family members = love worth celebrating
Love of cupcakes and tacos = love worth celebrating
Happy Valentine's Day and remember that you are the one ❤️
VC: @laguardiacross

No reason. I just like these shots.
📷: @toycak3s

Your fave bougie aunties, @tysharda and I, are here to give you some date night recs for Valentine's Day. Whether you're single or in a relationship, take some time to do something sweet this week. Click the link in my bio for some awesome date spots in #rochesterny as well as #ootd details! Make sure you check out @tysharda and show her some love!
📸: @toycak3s (put photographer on your resume!)

Posting so the algorithm is kind to me when I have actual content next week 🤷🏾‍♀️. Instagram is so petty lol

What do you love most about your body?
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Fun fact: I used to hate my legs. I mean, what nine year old has fully developed calf and thigh muscles? ME. I hated wearing shorts because other kids would ask me why my legs looked "like that" and skirts always rode up throughout the day, making me uncomfortable. Now I'm so grateful for these "muscular for no reason" legs. They remind me that I'm strong even when I feel like I'm weak. Tell me in the comments what your favorite feature is!

When I was little, I used to BEG my dad to let me have a half birthday party because I was a visionary and also because, well, LEO. He never entertained my shenanigans but I'm grown now and can do what I want so I'm celebrating my half birthday. Today is an interesting day for me and honestly, I spent quite a bit of it doing things that I don't love (Thanks to everyone who listened to me be a hot sniffling mess. Y'all are the bestest) but part of being damn near thirty is knowing that sometimes you just don't feel good and that's OKAY. More on reclaiming the half birthday on my blog! Click the link in my bio OR head to www.jadorejoelle.com.

This picture is me asking you how many times you can wear each item in your closet? I know how easy it is to get up caught up in "needing" something new for every special event but I promise you, you don't. I wore this to the @rocgirlgang panel on Race and Entrepreneurship. The evening before, I was having a full meltdown because I had "nothing to wear". Imagine: a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear. That's pretty much impossible. I quickly told myself to stop being so dramatic (this happens about twice a day), look in my closet, and figure it out. I've learned to stop letting social media pressure me into buying things I don't need or even like. Tell me, do you shop your closet? Or do you find it difficult to make outfits from what you already have?

Still living in an Arctic wasteland but we gonna own this week
AN👏🏾TY👏🏾WAYS👏🏾 #snowmagaeddonbutmakeitfashion