Funny Friendship Sayings and Quotes

A good friend offers not only a shoulder to cry on, but someone to share a good laugh too. It’s not uncommon for longtime friends to have several side splitting stories about random acts of silliness or escapades that could’ve landed them in hot water. Below you’ll find a collection of wise and humorous funny friendship quotes.

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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain

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Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried.

Charles Caleb Colton

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A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Bernard Meltzer

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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Groucho Marx

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Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.

Greg Tamblyn

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You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

Laurence J. Peter

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One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements.

Marcelene Cox

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There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money

Benjamin Franklin

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It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.

Jim Hayes

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There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

Linda Grayson

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A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.

Lois Wyse

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You don't lose friends because real friends can never be lost. You lose people masquerading as friends and you're better for it

Mandy Hale

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Men kick friendship around like a football and it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it falls to pieces.

Anne Lindbergh

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Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.

Charles Lamb

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Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long.

Robert Staughton Lynd

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The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.

Aaron Machado

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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.

Virginia Woolf

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Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.

Friedrich Nietzsche

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Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.

Silican proverb

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I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.

Guy Endore-Kaiser

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Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or homely faces.

Austin O'Malley

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My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.

Dame Edna Everage

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Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go.

Margaret Walker

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You can't make a circle of friends with a compass.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

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When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier

Diane Von Furstenberg

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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.