Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

Feeling desperate

Hi, This is my first post. Here is my story. My husband and I have been trying for our 2nd child for 4.5 years and in May we had our first go at IVF which was successful. Tragically at 12 weeks we lost our baby and I am beyond devastated. I cant function really. I came back to work Friday and am here today but just cannot be arsed. I dont want to be here. We have been back to the clinic and will have another go but if it doesnt work that will be the end for me I think. Does it get any better with time????????
Thanks for reading
Terina x

It took me 4 years to have my first baby (born in May after treatment for endometriosis). I joined this group after miscarrying in March 2007 halfway through a pregnancy that we'd been trying for for a year. I would say from my experiences that, when you're desperate to be a parent, you feel devastated when you contemplate a childless future and nothing makes you feel as much better as actually having a baby. The immediate grief of loss after a miscarriage definitely gradually lessens with time but the fear that you will never have a baby only deepens. I don't know what it feels like to miscarry when you already have a baby but I believe the grief for that pregnancy must be the same. However you can look at your first child and know you are a mother.
While you are grieving your loss I don't think even that can help much but it must help a little bit? Look at your beautiful child and the happiness you have together. You will try again and it sounds like you are lucky with IVF taking so fingers crossed for next time! The grief will fade but only slowly.
It's miserable to be back at work. I went back on the Wednesday after delivering on the Sunday because I didn't want to be just sitting at home dwelling but the feeling of &quot;can't be arsed&quot; is depression and familiar. You may need more time off work to grieve. The worst bit is people at work not understanding what you're going through. I suspect that is worse when you already have a child because people will think that the miscarriage won't affect you so much but of course it does. Miscarriage is always horrible :(

For me time has not made it better I'm just as devastated now as I was six months ago when I lost my son. Everyday that passes is another day I dont have him here with me.

I'm not trying to say that you will be miserable forever but that little hint of sadness will always be there. Time does make it easier though. I never knew how strong I could be it hasnt been easy but I look back now and am amazed how far I've come. I apprecaite the genuine people in my life so much more now.

It'll be hard on special dates like your due date mothers day and all the other dates that are important to you. you just have to suround yourself with positive loved ones who care about you. You can make it its not going to be easy you have to take it one day at a time.

I'm soryy for you and your husbands loss. I pray that one day the both of you will be blessed with another child. Dont let any tell you that you are not parents thats still your child regardless if the baby is here with you now. I hope that one day you will find some sense of peace.

Hi AbiW, thanks so much for your reply, it sounds like you have been on a journey and a half but I am so pleased for you that you finally got your baby.
I know in my heart I have got depression from my awful weekend that I have just had. I totally lost the plot on SAT and ended up trashing my kitchen :(
I may contemplate seeking some help otherwise it will only get worse.
Thanks again
Terina x

Hi Andrea, thank you for your reply, I am sorry for your loss. I just feel so desperate because I know I cant conceive naturally and the IVF was a blessing, god life is so cruel.
I hope things work out for you.
Sending love
Terina x

I lost my baby 3wks ago. I went to work only 3 days after my D&amp;C. The first week back was torture. After about a week, things at work seemed to fall back into place. If you need to, take more time from your job! You just suffered a huge loss and you need time get your head on straight! Take care of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss:-( This site is great for support....we are all in a similar place!!

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not sure how long ago you had your loss but I'm not 4 months past my loss and can tell you that I (and according to my research, most) grieved hard for the first 3 months. This month has been a bit easier, but I still have my bad days and unfortunately because I don't have any children yet, AbiW's theory of my fear of unable to ever successfully carry a baby does add to my bad day count. I took a month off work when it happened and I have to admit that the first two weeks felt like a holiday (because I was still in shock) but the next couple of weeks were incrediably hard for me. I also found the return to work difficult because although my workmates acknowledged my loss, I felt like they had all moved on with their lives and that I couldn't move on. Now, I'm dealing with it better and realise that people care but don't know what to say most of the time and don't want to raise it with me because they're worried they'll upset me. Sorry for rambling, it gets better with time, but take your time to deal with it and try not to feel guilty for being sad for as long as you do. I think it's best not to make any decisions about TTC again yet, you've just gone through a life-changing experience and it's not the best time to make major decisions. Move through your grief and then discuss with your husband and support networks later. I say let them help you now and let your body get through this too.

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my sweet baby girl five months ago at 12 weeks along after hoping and praying for a child for nearly a year. This was my first miscarriage and even though I have three other children I was and still am devastated.

With me, just as in pregnancy, grief amplified my every emotion and I found that stress made everything worse. I think a lot of it was the hormones and my body, heart, and my soul being so consumed with this sweet child.

Even now as I approach my due date a month away I find my mind still thinking that I should have this big swollen belly. For the first time, I am actually so sad to see such a flat belly!

Please take it easy and be good to yourself. You have been through so much. The loss of a child is one of the worst things a person can go through. Time has lessened the grief, but I think there will always be a place that will be sad and missing my sweet baby.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you all for your replies, it seems that we all feel the same, I am filled with grief then anger then just sheer hopelessness. I keep looking at my flat stomach int the mirror thinking just 2 weeks ago I couldnt get into my skinny jeans and I loved it. I also keep thinking that March 3rd 2010 will be a god awful day as that was my due date. I am truely sorry for all your losses and this support group is fantastic.
Thankyou
Terina x

I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

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