Ask Andrew W.K.: What Do You Do if You Suspect Your Man is Cheating?

If you had a five-step plan to help someone make their life more party, what would those steps be?

XOXO,

Party Hard Forever

Dear Party Hard Forever,

Thanks for asking about this. While there are no definitive steps to anything (except walking), I suggest trying the following. It's always worked for me:

1. Party

2. Party Hard

3. Party Even Harder

4. Don't Die

5. Giggle

AWK

Andrew,

I've been with the same woman just over six years. I love her, but things aren't as spicy as they once were, if you know what I mean. I know you're a happily married man. How do you keep things interesting?

Thanks,

Bored

Dear Bored,

First suggestion: Eat habanero peppers three times a day. Other than that . . . There seem to be many schools of thought when it comes to long-term physical relationships. Overall, I think that sexuality is the most important, and most unimportant, aspect of a long-lasting relationship and life in general, despite it being the root of all life.

Pleasure in a relationship can come from many aspects, both physical and non-physical. Oftentimes we can get confused by relationship standards set by outside examples in culture and entertainment, or by the ideals we've formed based on relatively abstract ideas of what a "good" relationship is. I also think it's unrealistic and unnecessary to compare the physical aspects of the early days of your relationship to the way it is now. Those first nights, weeks, and months are where we get to really go for it and see if we're compatible with someone. But it would be exhausting and maybe even harmful to maintain that level of courtship for an entire lifetime.

Those primal energies get rightfully directed toward other necessary aspects of being with someone and living your own life as well. This is something best discussed in an open and loving way with your partner. It seems like there's a pretty much infinite amount of stuff you can try, with everything from toys to swinging, to swings, to videos, to everything in between. If you are feeling urges, they must be heard, but they can also be told where to go. The reproductive drive is extremely powerful and one of the greatest energy sources we have. For the long run, learning to direct that drive to where it can truly do the most good can give birth to orgasmic life pleasures and dreams coming true on many planes.