I'm sure by now you've heard the one about Michele Bachmann and John Wayne Gacy. How she promised to mimic the spirit of Waterloo, Iowa's own John Wayne. Except that John Wayne was actually John Wayne Gacy, the clown-dressing serial killer. Different strokes, I guess.

No, truth be told, Bachmann may hate gays, think the American Revolution started in New Hampshire, and believe God personally chose her to be one of the 2012 Republican presidential candidates, but she obviously didn't mean to compare herself to a mass murderer.

She meant to compare herself toa draft-dodging sexist racist.

Bachmann copped to the mix-up and said, "The point is John Wayne represents patriotism -- and great American values," and that she is "proud to have grown up in John Wayne's America." Either Bachmann knows nothing about John Wayne -- or she's even scarier than we all thought.

Here's the truth about John Wayne, the actor:

He dodged the draft. When Pearl Harbor happened, John Wayne was basking in the success of Stagecoach. But he wasn't rich yet. By Hollywood standards, he was still considered a "struggling actor." He knew that if he enlisted in the military, his career would lose its momentum, and by the time he got back, he'd be considered "too old." So he obtained 3-A status, "deferred for [family] dependency reasons," and pretended he was in the war in his movies.

He was a (rampant) racist. In his infamous Playboy interview, the actor said -- among other things -- that he "believes in white supremacy until blacks are educated to a point of responsibility." Words of a fine American.

He was pro-illegal alien. Piggy-backing off his racism, in the same interview, John Wayne also felt that the Native Americans were "selfishly trying to keep American land for themselves." Wonder what his stance would be on illegal aliens today.

He was mean and irresponsible. Apparently, Hollywood directors knew to shoot Wayne's movie scenes before noon, because after that, he was a "mean drunk."

He was sexist. A famous John Wayne quote: “Women have the right to work wherever they want, as long as they have the dinner ready when you get home.” So, if you (God forbid) win the presidency, Michele, I hope you have a list of 30-minute dinners -- it'll be hard to do both!