Excuse me miss…

So I have had a little moment of obsession with Luther Vandross and the song “Take me out”! It’s such a beautiful song and that of a gentleman however in 2014 many women are not sure that “Gentlemen” really exist anymore…

A friend recently posted a statement on instagram that stated “You really have to question the quality of men these girls are dating when Kayne gets praised for simply opening a car door for his wife”. He was instantly met with the typical “bitter woman” who got defensive stating “it says a lot about the men doesn’t it” but does it? In some ways men are like children in that they will only behave toward you how you let them. If you allow him to treat you a certain way i.e badly then are you not partly responsible for the downfall in his behaviour?

My daughter is 2, she can be quite naughty when she wants to be and most of the time I am guilty of “letting her get away” with things. The same principle is applied when dealing with a man. If you allow him to “get away with it” then who is really to blame for how you are feeling about it? I understand this cannot be applied for every situation but it can be applied to most.

It is a general rule that people will only treat them how you ALLOW them too! Someone’s intentions are irrelevant depending on what you allow them to do with them. A guy may approach you with only one thing on his mind now he can come to you with whatever game he wishes but at that point YOU are in control of how the situation follows.

Courting seems to be a thing of the past! And I don’t think anyone has told me about a “date” that they have had recently! Courting is time for you both to understand each other and get to know each other; don’t dismiss this time or skip this step! Look back at your relationships and understand the ones that didn’t work out, how long did you “court” for? So many people look back and say “I never knew you” or they were “not who you thought” and in many cases this can be prevented. Like Luther sings, “to the movies or to the park”; just go OUT! This doesn’t have to be expensive but it seems we are in a time people just have made things complicated and forget the simplicity and the romance in just sitting in the park or along the Thames and just talking…

Some women (including me) have a mental check list of things we would like in a man and I like to think one of those things we all have in common is we all would like a gentleman. Well, apart from those ratchet girls who want some ghetto jobless man who roughs them up but hey…pass me my tea. When this instagram argument ensued one of the women stated “we can all want that but it’s not what we get”. To me that made no sense because surely YOU chose your spouse? So if a gentleman is not what you get then why did you choose him?

Ladies, if you want a gentleman then wait for him, hold out for him and don’t waste your time or anyone else’s but “settling” for Mr Right Now when your Mr Right is just getting ready! I have had to learn this the hard way and it’s frustrating! Especially when you’re single and it seems the whole world is in love and in a relationship! I can’t even lie and say when I see people get married and engaged I am instantly happy for them! (I know I am not the only one) But at first I normally roll my eyes and then after a little bit of ranting I am finally really excited for the happy couple and take back what I said about her tripping down the aisle because she gained so much weight.

Over and over I say I am not that confident and don’t think I am the best thing since sliced bread but I refuse to sell myself short and settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate all of me, even my flaws. We all have our prince charming in mind, the one who sweeps you off your feet, loves you unconditionally, sends you flowers, makes you laugh, makes you stay up on the phone all night even though you know you have work the following morning… we all have an idea in our head of our “Mr Perfect” but why does he only have to be a fantasy?

Maybe I am in an optimistic mood, maybe I am a little smitten or maybe I have completely just lost the plot but there is something beautiful in simply being hopeful.

We can all be bitter man haters because one or two (or three or four) men have let us down but it only takes one to change all that but we have to have the courage to give that a shot in the first place, you owe it to yourself. I am not saying all run with open arms and guards down instantly but we can become some consumed with our bitterness we fail to see the good, especially in a gentleman. We focus on the negative that finally when someone is positive or does what we have been looking for we question their motives and believe it is all a conspiracy!! For example, we all crave this “gentleman”, meet one, he opens the door, pulls your chair for you, picks your up, buys your meal, sends you flowers and instantly we think “what’s wrong with him”! We cannot just accept that he is simply what we have been looking for! STOP looking for the negatives and simply enjoy…

So whether you are looking, not looking, in a relationship or just divorced. Don’t give up hope that there is someone in the wings simply waiting for you to be ready.

I do think there are gentlemen that exist out there and Lord knows I will find one of them! But ladies remember, a true gentleman is seeking a Lady.