Boner Fight for May 18th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: YEAH, I STOLE IT. BUT I HAD A DAMNED GOOD REASON

Dunbar police said a burglary suspect told them he broke into a relative’s home to recharge his phone and then stole her security system because he didn’t want her to see him on camera when he masturbated to pornography. Tristan Torelle Tucker, 27, of St. Albans was charged Thursday with daytime burglary after an incident that was reported April 23 on Dunbar Avenue, according to a criminal complaint filed in Kanawha County Magistrate Court. Dunbar police said the relative said she believed Tucker had broken into her home because he had done this several previous times. Police said Tucker told them he broke through a window using a glass breaking tool on the end of a knife because he wanted to charge his cell phone. While inside the residence, he said, he started watching pornography on the phone and began to masturbate, the complaint said.

Boner Candidate #2:I LOVE DIVERSITY….MOST DIVERSITY.

A dean at Yale University who championed cultural sensitivity has apologized for her “insensitive” Yelp reviews of restaurants, gyms and movie theaters, including hot takes on what “white trash” customers would find tasty and employees she blasted as “barely educated morons.” June Chu, dean of Yale’s Pierson College, apologized for the offending reviews, which had been circulating among students for several months, after the Yale Daily News published screenshots on Saturday. “To put it quite simply: If you are white trash, this is the perfect night out for you!” Chu wrote in one review of a Japanese restaurant. “This establishment is definitely not authentic by any stretch of any imagination and perfect for those low class folks who believe this is a real night out. Over salted and greasy food. Side note: employees are Chinese, not Japanese.”