The following is based on a true story. The author wanted it to be shared anonymously:

I grew up in a home where black and blue bruises on my body was a norm. My father’s violent fists rained down on my mother and I every time he was in a bad mood, which was often. Most of my friends looked forward to being home on weekends, sleeping in and spending time with their families. Not me; I dreaded going home. The minute I entered it would feel like a battlefield. Home for me was never safe - it was toxic, it was painful, it was fear.

One of our residents, a mother of two children shared her experience with us. She told us she still doesn’t know where she got the courage to just venture out into the unknown with nothing but her kids and some clothes, not knowing what awaits her. All she knew was that it was safer than what she was leaving behind her.

On January 14th, 2017 Nisa Homes held a Muslim women’s networking event bringing together some of the best and brightest women the Vancouver Muslim community has to offer, and here is what we learned! When one Muslim woman succeeds, that is an achievement for all Muslim women. It creates a ripple effect because representation matters! If you can't see it, you can't be it.

It was him. He was parked outside my house. His SUV was facing my house and the headlights were flashing right on to my window. The driver’s seat door was open and was standing outside his car. In his hands he had a knife and his cell phone.

November 13th 2016 marked the day we surpassed 100 women and children assisted at Nisa Homes. In light of this, our house operators decided to share some of their most memorable moments, the heartwarming ones but also the heartbreaking ones.

In her tight-knit village, women didn’t get an education. They got married and had children. She would sneak out to go to school and then university. After class she would go to a grocery store where she worked to pay for school. Some days she would also go work on a farm. “I have no idea how I had the courage to do what I did. But I saw how miserable my sisters, cousins and other women were. Almost all of them were married to abusive husbands, or husbands with drug or alcohol addictions. They were living in constant worry. That wasn’t a life to me."

Khadijah Bint Khuwaylid, first wife of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was a renowned business woman in a male-dominated trade. Aisha Bint Abu Bakr, another wife of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh), is one of the greatest scholars and teachers of all time, Nusayba Bint Kaab was an exceptionally fierce and brave warrior, and Fatima Al Fihri established the first university in the world in 859 CE in Morocco. We need to realize the legacy our foremothers have built for us and continue to uphold their strength, knowledge, wisdom and courage.

Making statements like the one above are often what put the most pressure on women in abusive relationships. Before we jump to quote our favourite hadith or ayah, let's stop to consider how and why we are quoting it and whether or not we are giving a naseeha or passing a judgment. Ultimately, we really don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Faiza was sponsored by her husband to come to Canada which meant her permanent residency was conditional upon staying with her partner for two years. Thankfully, there is a clause for those experiencing domestic violence to flee without getting deported, but sadly many don't know this and fear leaving because they're told they'll get deported.

"She must have done something to deserve it", "It's just a one-time thing", "It's none of our business, this a private family matter" and "Why didn't she leave if it was that bad?" – we get asked these questions so frequently, we thought we'd address them, and all other misconceptions about women abuse, once and for all.

When you’re preoccupied with thoughts such as “Why doesn’t she just leave?”, “Why isn’t she thinking about her kids?” or “She must have done something for him to react that way”, then you don’t have the time or capacity to support her. Remember that the survivor is not responsible. Domestic violence is not a matter of anger or a disagreement between partners; domestic violence is a pattern of continuous coercive and controlling behaviours used by one person over another to gain power and control.

The guilt that we may have comes from a place where our intention is not pure. If you are doing this for the sake of revenging against society, family, the pressure and demands of work, then you will feel guilty. But if you are doing it for the sake of Allah because you are His creation and you must take care of your mental health, then you will feel content. This comes from an understanding that you can serve people best when you are at your best.

Upon his release and deportation to Norway, he told Faiza that he never wanted to see her or their daughter again, otherwise he would kill them. Faiza’s fear laid in the realization that he had no emotional connection to her or her daughter but he loved their sons. Faiza and her daughter had been physically and emotionally abused for years but he never laid a hand on his sons.

About this Blog:

This blog was created to inspire, empower, and raise awareness about the challenges women face on a daily basis. From standing up to our boss, or living with mental health, to immigrating to a new country, forcibly leaving your own, or fleeing domestic violence. Here you will find commentary on our Muslim-Canadian community, stories of overcoming trials and tribulations, and finally stories from inside Nisa Homes.