Insurers offer cheaper premiums for marksmen

Next time your broker asks for your profession, answering 'sniper' could reduce your home contents premium by up to 50%. Aviva's Bullseye Defender Gold policy range is currently only available to armed farmers but is aiming higher. The company's keen to cut rural break-ins and their proposal forms now include a tickbox Willing to kill burglars? The Insurance Association reports substantive reductions in admin and postage costs where the burglar ends up spreadeagled on an angry policyholder's floor rather than in the dock.

In addition to fewer expensive trials, such outcomes also save police time attending break-ins only to deliver pre-prepared statements explaining why Lower Pigbottom CID won't be taking the matter further because their forensics lady is busy with 'proper' crimes which conform to government targets.

NAPO, parole officers union, is cautiously supportive of what it terms interventionism, 'any reductions in our members' workloads are always welcomed but we do advise clients to carefully consider which homes to break into beforehand. A little research can save a lot of grief'.

Gloucester Homeowners Militia spokesman 'Colonel' Ted Bundy claims he's seen a marked rise in membership after several local intruder terminations attracted media interest. GHM are in no doubt that insurers' are simply passing on the obvious benefits of DIY enforcement. 'If an armed member surprises a burglar with his hands on the family jewels, there's no point in discussion. We'd always recommend a full on weapon discharge'.