“Will he ever talk to me again?” That’s something many women ask after they go through a difficult break up. Intellectually they know that there’s a very good chance that they’ll speak to their ex boyfriend again but emotionally they feel lost and very alone. It’s incredibly challenging, from an emotional standpoint, to go from enjoying the company of the man you love to not being able to speak or interact with him at all. You may feel that your life has lost a good part of its meaning and you’re going to wander around wondering what, if anything, you can do to remedy the situation so you two can get back on the path towards happiness that you were on. Every situation is unique and each woman in your position has her own set of issues to deal with, but generally speaking you can certainly reopen the lines of communication with your ex again which should be viewed as a foot in the door towards reconciliation.

Before you do anything I want you to take a moment to think back to how things were right before the break up. Time has a way of softening the emotions that we experience when we’re first dumped or when we break off the relationship. Back then you likely felt very angry and upset. If your boyfriend told you he didn’t love you anymore you may have even thought about revenge. You were driven by very difficult emotions. Now, since a bit of time has passed since you two were together, you probably are thinking about the good times and all the wonderful moments you two shared. That’s a natural progression of feelings and it’s important to recognize it as such. Just because you’re intent on getting him back, the problems you were experiencing before you split won’t magically disappear.

That’s why it’s often a good idea to think about how you can apologize for whatever you might have done that played a role in things going sour between you and the man you adore. I know, from personal experience, that it’s easy to point the finger of blame at him if he dumped you, but he wouldn’t have done so if things were going well. Perhaps, like me, you let your insecurities shine through and he grew tired of your jealousy nature. Maybe it had more to do with the pressure you were putting on him to take the relationship to the next level. Consider now what you might have done differently because that’s something you’ll have to be mindful of if, and when, you two do find your way back together.

Using No Contact After the Break Up

I know that you’ve heard a lot about the concept of no contact. If you haven’t, I’ll give you a quick primer. Essentially it’s all about giving you and your ex boyfriend both some breathing room after the break up. You make a promise to yourself that you won’t contact him for at least a few weeks. I always advise women to make it at least three weeks. Your goal with this is to get stronger emotionally before you talk with him. I know, from when I went through a break up, that it’s hard to keep your composure at times right after the split. By taking a break, as in no contact, you’ll be able to distance yourself emotionally a little from the actual break up, which is incredibly helpful.

If you do this and your ex boyfriend contacts you during the no contact period, that’s great. Don’t ignore him, whatever you do. Be polite and friendly, but don’t delve into the why’s of the break up or the how’s of getting back together. You don’t want to do that too soon.

Once you do feel it’s time to open the old relationship wound begin by saying you’re sorry for what happened. If he’s receptive, that’s an incredibly good sign. Don’t push him to talk about things if he’s not ready yet. That could be disastrous.

I want to point out how you need to be patient as you start talking to him again. Don’t contact him every day and don’t send him a flurry of text messages. Let him help you set the pace by watching how he responds and taking note of how often he’s initiating contact. If you take it at a calm and easy pace, you’ll soon find that you two are talking more than ever and things are getting back to where you want them to be.

Text messages are actually becoming an important part of the communication dynamic between exes. You can use text messages in a very significant way during a break up to grab your ex boyfriend’s attention again.