20 ways to guarantee failure as a manager

A guide for the new leader who wants to alienate all employees and fail as quickly as possible in their new management position

Immediately purchase new office furniture and redecorate your office. Spend a lot of money and make your office look very different from any other office in the company.

Insist on new computers, cell phones and software for your use only.

Spend several days working on your title, the press release announcing it and how your business cards look.

Insist and “fight over” small insignificant details and decisions in meetings, leaving big decisions and “big picture” items in limbo.

Treat the people in the organization as if they are there for your convenience and well being. Be as rude as possible in your communications. Demand, never ask.

When in meetings and conversations, always answer the ringing telephone, type and send Blackberry messages, read and respond to all incoming email and instant messages. Interrupt frequently and ask people to repeat themselves because you were busy.

Plan company workshops or events aimed at creating a new atmosphere of “community” at work for weekends or after work hours, and preferable with short notice.

Avoid sharing any information about your goals, ideas and strategies about the company with employees. Always talk about theory, never get specific. Keep it fuzzy and out of focus.

Don’t listen to any ideas, solutions or complaints from employees or managers who report to you, especially if they have been with the company for a long time.

Make strong permanent opinions about the company and employees, solely on the basis of discussions with top management and the business owners.

Take lots of “business trips” and attend every professional seminar and conference possible, do not take anyone from the company with you. This is especially effective if the company is suffering from cash flow problems.

Talk about implementing massive changes, re-inventing methods and strategies, promote innovation and tell everyone that money is not an issue for them to worry about, at the same time focus all your energy on cutting costs, and minimizing the organization.

Immediately terminate some employees because someone told you to do it.

Insist that everyone in the company learns how to work with a new software program that you like.

Request reports and analysis from all managers and department heads, then several days later, repeat the request. Don’t read or respond to any report and never acknowledge that you have received it.

Schedule many inter-departmental meetings at odd hours, don’t provide an agenda, then cancel them at the last minute, or just don’t show up.

Always refer to customers as if they were something evil and undesirable.

Constantly remind employees that before you came to the company they were primitive and uneducated, without a clue as to what business is all about.

2 responses

I am persuaing MMS from Sterling Institute of Management nerul. These guidelines are ausum.

17042008

Deenie(06:18:45) :

This list is so very, very true! My company replaced the CEO with a lawyer who thought he was god’s gift to managers but failed terribly in my eyes. Within the first week he accomplished about half your list. I left the company within 6 months. Since then I;ve heard all kinds of complaints about him. How do people get into positions of power like this?