Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Parrots

When I am talking to kids, I often realize how differently I will phrase things in order to make them student-appropriate. For example, recently I was subbing for 2nd grade and the kids were writing about pets. One child wrote that he wanted a pet parrot. I smiled and said "A parrot is a neat pet. But you have to be careful. I got bitten on my finger by a parrot once."

The little boy asked what happened, and I paused for a second.

What I say to a child: "Well, I was not making good choices and I put my finger in his cage."

What I would say to an adult: "I was being a dumbass and wanted to see how hard it could bite. And yeah, it bites HARD. I almost shattered a knuckle. Luckily his beak had just been filed. Seriously though, totally stupid and I was sober, which makes it even worse."

Other examples:

"You need to keep your hands to yourself."Keep your hands to yourself or I won't notice when that girl clocks you for touching her hair again.

"That was not a good choice."What the hell is wrong with you??

"I can't seem to find it"Your teacher needs to clean this crap up because I can't even find a damn pencil.

"That was an interesting experience."I'm so blogging about this shit later.

I like it when I have to tell them I'm "not quite sure" why or how something works, when I know damned good well about it, but I'm not telling them. (If men fall in love with men, how do they, y'know, DO IT? Gee honey, I'm not quite sure...)