Sunday, May 23

I was sitting down at my desk, typing away at my computer and playing Jill Scott in the background. I was focused on translating the thoughts in my head to the screen in front of me, so I wasn't really listening to the music--until this song came on.

It wasn't the chorus that got me, it was everything else that Jill said leading up to it. The lyrics almost perfectly match the space I find myself in right now. Don't get me wrong, life is good. I have great family and friends, a job that gives me autonomy and flexibility, a roof over my head, transportation, savings for a rainy day, my health and Jesus. So, what am I lacking? A fully revealed purpose. I say "fully revealed" because I have clues and hints but not the full picture. I understand that clues and hints are better than nothing at all, and I know that one day everything will make sense. Sometimes, though, Frustration pays me a visit when I dwell on the idea that God made me into an extraordinary human being who may not be using the gifts that He gave me to their full capacity.

But, hey, life is about trial and error. Life is about change. I'm just trying to figure this thing out.

Wednesday, May 19

Tuesday, May 18

I was pulling into my driveway and noticed that my house needed to be pressure washed and painted. As I walked to the mailbox, I looked at the yard and realized that the grass needed to be cut.

I made my way into the house and wondered why it was so hot. Then I remembered that I still needed to call the air-conditioning man to see about fixing my unit. That somehow reminded me that I also needed to change my air filters. I went to my room to change clothes and observed that things were getting a little messy. When I approached my dresser to pull out a shirt, I was reminded that I needed to dust.

I sat down to open my mail, and when I opened my statement, I remembered that I hadn't changed my 401k election. I was supposed to do this last week! Then I looked at the calendar. It was the 15th, and there sitting on my table were a few bills that were supposed to be paid that day. I got up and walked to the refrigerator only to find that there was nothing in it. Sigh. Feeling overwhelmed, I found my way to the couch, plopped down and started thinking about how difficult this was becoming--being responsible for everything.

I had a two-minute pity party, and then my thoughts somehow shifted from me to single mothers. I quickly realized that being solely responsible for a home hardly compared to being solely responsible for a child. So, if I felt overwhelmed, I had to ask myself how in the world did single mothers feel? Working. Changing diapers. Cooking. Entertaining (the baby). Cleaning. Breastfeeding. Paying Bills. Pumping. Running errands. All this while trying to maintain sanity. Then I thought about my single-mother friend, who gets minimal help from family members and the baby's father. I always recognized her as being a superwoman, but this made me think that she was REALLY superwoman.

Then my mind wandered. It went everywhere, but it eventually settled upon the notion that God didn't intend for us to try to move through life alone. Raising a kid takes the whole neighborhood. But sometimes life happens differently from how God planned for it to be. My friend, like so many other single mothers, never intended to raise a child on her own. In thinking about her, I've come to realize that single mothers are incredibly resilient human beings whose sacrifices are largely incomprehensible and therefore go largely unnoticed.

Each of us, at some point, will feel overwhelmed about something--maintaining a household, preparing for a wedding or prepping for a presentation. When we do, however, we should think about the single mother and recognize that what we're stressing over is pretty insignificant in comparison.

Name:Ebby J.City: Charlotte, NCHobbies: Traveling, surfing the web, studying my bible (NIV), hosting events, natural hair care!What makes you a fly goddess?: I'm in love with God. Without God in my life, I would still be lost.What advice do you have for women who are trying to free their goddess?: Seek God! One thing that I have realized is that God has to consume you in every way, shape and form--from walking in purpose and destiny to identifying your true self. A woman can not be a true goddess until she is 100% submitted to the #1 man and that's God. Submission to your first love will NEVER steer you in the wrong direction. How can any woman release her inner goddess if she doesn't know and understand the love of God? That's the first step ladies. God knows that we aren't perfect, but having the desire to be closer to Him is all it takes. He will take care of the rest. Check out my blog at http://ebbys-loving-life.onsugar.com/

Sunday, May 16

Ledisi Young (her given name meaning "to bring forth" in Nigerian) was born in the Big Easy, where she sang with the New Orleans Symphony Orchestra when she was eight years old and spent many adolescent hours watching her mother perform with a local R&B band, often in a nearby park. After the family relocated to Oakland, CA, Ledisi followed her mother's lead and sang in a local band, but left to form her own group and identity. She became widely noted for her performances in Beach Blanket Babylon, a long-running San Francisco-based cabaret featuring song parodies, celebrity impersonations, and enormous hats.

Ledisi released her first solo album, "Soulsinger" in 2000 on her own independent label. She followed it up with a jazz album in 2002. Her third studio album, Lost & Found, was released in 2007. Two of its singles -- "Alright" and "In the Morning" -- peaked within the Top 50 of Billboard's Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, and a pair of Grammy nominations followed. 2008's It's Christmas featured updates of "Give Love on Christmas Day" and "What a Wonderful World." The appropriately-titled Turn Me Loose, her hardest-hitting release, came the next year. The singer's résumé also includes singing in choirs and studying opera and piano at the University of California, Berkeley's Young Musicians Program for five years.

How you start your day can very well determine how your day, as a whole, will turn out.

If you get out of the bed dragging, chances are likely your entire day will drag along. If you begin your day in a bad mood, chances are that mood will linger.

On the contrary, if you wake up and get moving with a smile on your face, a thankful spirit and a little pep in your step, chances are likely that your day will be productive. It is also likely that you'll have a disposition allowing you to recognize and take advantage of the small opportunities that each day brings forth.

Well, I start my day with Steve Harvey. I set my alarm clock for 6:00 am just so I can hear his opening remark. If you're not familiar with the Steve Harvey Morning Show, it's a nationally syndicated radio show airing Monday thru Friday from 6-10 am in select markets. Steve begins each show with a 12 minute remark in which he gives honor and glory to God for the successes, setbacks and lessons he has experienced throughout his life journey. As crazy and ignorant as Steve Harvey is, his opening comments are encouraging and help me get my spirit right and day moving. After he finishes, I generally turn off my radio and pray. Then, I'm ready to go (usually...hey, I'm human. So, some days I drag, regardless of what Steve says).

Now, Steve Harvey is not for everybody, but I do think it's important for each goddess to have some kind of ritual for starting her day--something that will help her get moving and get excited about what the day has to offer. So, if you don't have a morning routine, I would suggest meditating, stretching, praying or dancing in front of the mirror to your favorite song.

If you haven't heard Steve's opening remark, click on his picture above or this link to get an idea of what gets me motivated each morning.

Monday, May 10

Name: Zawadi B.City: Raleigh, NCHobbies: Traveling, especially throughout the African Diaspora, is a favorite pastime. I also enjoy reading, preparing food (raw and cooked), and spending time with family and friends. And recently, I've added dancing (Salsa and West African) to my list of joy-filled activities.What makes you a fly goddess?: I am a fly goddess because I understand and embrace the fact that I am a divine original, fashioned by the Creator/tress. I am a fly goddess because I descended from and am surrounded by powerful Black women and Black men. I am a fly goddess because as I move through the mountains and valleys of life, I continuously remind myself that 1) the key to life is not being afraid and 2) the only thing constant is change.What advice do you have for women who are trying to free their goddess?: Whatever you do, don't be fake.

Sunday, May 9

Dr. Dorothy Height was once quoted as saying, "African American women are women who seldom do what they want to do but always do what they have to do."

Although not a mother herself, Dr. Height understood and indirectly experienced the plight of Black mothers throughout history to raise their children, often times alone with minimal resources and limited education. Overwhelmingly, the result of their undying faith, will and strength was children who were afforded more and better opportunities then they had (or could take advantage of). Because mothers, then and now, sacrifice.

Mothers have a history of putting their families before themselves, not always because they want to but because life often requires them to.

So, on this Mother's Day, let the mothers in your life know how much you love, appreciate and respect them for everything they've done, including deferring their dreams to help you realize your own.

Gwendolyn Brooks, a favorite literary figure that I studied in college, was a Pulitzer Prize winning poet from Chicago. Most of her writings, with subjects inspired by poor inner city people, were socially and politically charged.

Since we are celebrating mothers today, I wanted to highlight a different kind of mother that Brooks describes in her poem, "The Mother". (I'm not posting this to be controversial. Instead, I simply want to highlight a different perspective.)The MotherAbortions will not let you forget.You remember the children you got that you did not get,The damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,The singers and workers that never handled the air.You will never neglect or beatThem, or silence or buy with a sweet.You will never wind up the sucking-thumbOr scuttle off ghosts that come.You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.I have heard in the voices of the wind the voices of my dim killedchildren.I have contracted. I have easedMy dim dears at the breasts they could never suck.I have said, Sweets, if I sinned, if I seizedYour luckAnd your lives from your unfinished reach,If I stole your births and your names,Your straight baby tears and your games,Your stilted or lovely loves, your tumults, your marriages, aches,and your deaths,If I poisoned the beginnings of your breaths,Believe that even in my deliberateness I was not deliberate.Though why should I whine,Whine that the crime was other than mine?--Since anyhow you are dead.Or rather, or instead,You were never made.But that too, I am afraid,Is faulty: oh, what shall I say, how is the truth to be said?You were born, you had body, you died.It is just that you never giggled or planned or cried.

Believe me, I loved you all.Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved youAll.

Monday, May 3

Name: Elizabeth M.City: Greensboro, NCHobbies: My hobbies include laughing and hanging with friends, traveling, shopping, techie gadgets (taking donations for the Apple iPad please :-)) and reading.What makes you a fly goddess?: I love to be different, and I embrace my natural state--those edges don't have to be super straight.What advice do you have for women who are trying to free their goddess?: If you walk with confidence, no one will question you on why you went natural--corporate America or family. Love you enough to make the change without excuses.

Sunday, May 2

You remember those goals you wrote down at the beginning of the year? I will lose 10 lbs....I will find a job....I will learn to say 'no'....I will start writing a book.....I will make more time for me.....I will take a vacation.....I will go natural.....So, how's it going? Were your goals put on the back-burner only moments after you wrote them, or are you actively working on them?

We're only a month away from being halfway through the year, which would suggest that we should have, at least, made a dent in the goals that we set for ourselves.

If you haven't, don't let another day go by without pursuing them. Undoubtedly, goals change. Priorities shift. Life happens. No worries. You are allowed to switch things up. Revise your goals. Set new ones. Then update them again. As much as necessary.

Remember, this is your life. And you're in charge of freeing your goddess. No one else. Make sure you're holding yourself accountable.