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One of the most difficult aspects of interacting with other people is figuring out how to extricate yourself from a conversation without appearing rude or mentally unstable. You aren't allowed to just walk away - you need to have a reason to stop talking. And the reason can't be that you want to stop talking. You need to find a way to end the conversation without making it seem like you want the conversation to end.

This unspoken set of rules can turn an otherwise rational person into a flailing, helpless victim in a sea of self-perpetuated social anxiety.

It's like we're all competing in a game that no one wants to play. And even though you can't ever win the game, you can prevent yourself from losing by pretending that you like playing long enough to be allowed to stop playing.

The game has four levels of difficulty.

Level 1: Brief encounters with kind-of friends

There is a special kind of awkwardness between two people who don't know each other well enough to interact effectively, but are familiar enough that ignoring each other's presence isn't really an option. No matter how much you like the person, you dread encountering them because you only know two things about each other and once you've covered those two things, there is nothing else and that is terrifying because you aren't good at ending conversations and that makes the horrible, strained silence all but inevitable.

But eventually you do run into one of these acquaintances and even though you both sense the impending awkwardness and desperately wish to avoid it, you have a social obligation to say hello. So you do, and the conversation derails even more quickly than you expected.

And then there you are, standing clumsily in the parking lot of Best Buy, frantically trying to keep the conversation afloat until one of you can think of a decently acceptable way to end the encounter. You stop caring about whether you make sense or not. You'll say anything to avoid silence.

At some point, the rapidly deteriorating subject material forces you to give up on being polite and just settle for the first bumbling phrase that comes out of you.

Luckily, your artless delivery doesn't matter. The other person is just thankful that they finally have an excuse to stop talking to you.

Level 2: Forced proximity

Trying to end a conversation in the grocery store is like battling a sea monster that has an infinite capacity to revive itself.

As soon as you figure out how to disengage with the person, you run into them again and you have to figure out how to start a new conversation. And then you also have to figure out how to end that conversation. No matter how many times you come across each other, it never really seems acceptable to not say anything.

You try to joke about it.

Soon, however, you will exhaust your supply of pleasantries and lighthearted banter.

The awkwardness of each new encounter is magnified by the awkwardness of the previous encounter until you have no choice but to pretend that you are so fascinated by the ingredients of what you're buying that you don't even notice the other person is there.

Level 3: The Trap

However, some acquaintances don't share your desire to avoid awkward encounters. In fact, they often seek your company despite your complete inability to relate to each other. This person is seemingly immune to awkwardness and once they latch onto you, you are not allowed to leave until they are done with you.

For example, you might be sitting by yourself in a café, enjoying a cup of coffee. And then you see her squinting up at the drink menu.

She's trapped you at social gatherings a few times, backing you into a corner and then standing at just the right angle so that you'd have to physically push her out of your path to escape. She's extremely passionate about a variety of things that you have no real interest in, like veganism and the healing properties of soy. She can talk about these things for hours without pause. While you don't mind that she feels that way, you don't particularly want to hear about it in such great detail. But she tells you anyway. Over and over and over. You might make a feeble attempt at steering the conversation to a topic of more mutual interest, but she doesn't want to talk about what you want to talk about.

The first time you escaped her conversational death-grip, you thought that she had probably said all she needed to say and that the next time you saw her, you could maybe talk about something else. But no. She checks up on you. She wants to know if you've tried any of the things she suggested. When you tell her that you "haven't gotten around to it yet," the cycle starts over again.

You want to avoid this kind of interaction, so you turn your chair away, hoping that she won't see you when she turns around.

But it's too late. She's spotted you.

She's not quite sure if it's you yet, but you can feel her eyes focusing on you. You risk a glance to see if she's still there, even though you know that she is.

And then you accidentally lock eyes with her.

Once eye contact is established, she begins to lurch toward you in slow motion, like a zombie in a bad horror movie. You are consumed by a desire to bolt, but you don't. Your obligation to adhere to social decencies outweighs your sense of self-preservation. You stay right where you are, unable to look away.

You are going to have to talk about soybeans. A lot. And you are going to have to pretend that you like it. To protect your dignity.

Level 4: Well-intentioned social terrorism

The well-intentioned social terrorist does not alert you before they invade your safety bubble. It's always a surprise. You'll come home, exhausted and eager to finally feel safe from unwanted interaction.

But then...

You're cornered like an animal. There's nowhere to go.

You'd always assumed that your own home was a safe place - a place where you were not in danger of sudden, undesired social interaction. But your pathetic delusions of safety implode into the realization that nowhere is safe anymore.

You could tell them no, but you aren't busy and you don't have any immediate plans, so you don't really have an acceptable reason to decline their company.

You could try to lie and say that you're just coming home to drop some stuff off before you have go somewhere. But if you do that, you'll have to spend the rest of the night in total darkness, because if your friend walks by and notices that your lights are on, they're going to know you were lying.

But if you allow this person into your house, you are no longer in control of when the interaction ends. This is not as simple as finding the right opportunity to walk away. No. This is some next-level shit. You can't just walk out of your own house and leave the person there. Where would you go?

If you want to be left alone, you're going to have to wait it out until you can convince the other person to leave.

But even then, it isn't over.

Now that you are aware that your home is not the impenetrable fortress of protection you once thought it was, you are forced to live in a constant state of slight uneasiness. Someone could surprise you at any time. What if your friend decides to surprise you with a visit every day? Now you have to worry about keeping your place picked up, "just in case." You're scared to play music or watch movies because then you can't pretend to not be home if someone knocks on your door.

I feel as though all four of those apply to one of my roommates. I'm never safe from him.... Hell, even when my door is closed and I'm getting ready to take a nap, he starts talking through it. I wonder if he also does this when I'm sleeping....

I feel you with this. The best thing to do with the last case scenario is make something up. Claim that you have to do brush the dog or wash the gimp or anything that is a chore that they won't want to do. And if they ask if they can come over later, say "Maybe" in an uncommitted tone, then refuse to answer the door or telephone. Then next time they corner you, claim that you were just so damn busy with the brushing/washing/stabbing glass into your eyes that you just couldn't answer the phone/door.

When my son was a baby we were out and about one day and a man came up to us and started talking to him and asking him questions and it seemed like it would never end (luckily, I was spared.) I was just starting to wonder how much longer it was going to last when my son starts CRYING REALLY LOUDLY and the guy ran away. I was like "MAN I wish I could do that!" Can you imagine being able to get out of an awkward social moment just by bursting into tears? Babies are so lucky....

Love it. My heart pretty much skips a beat whenever I see you've posted something new. Not like in a romantic way. In a, "Oh yeah, something else to distract me from looking for a real job" kind of way.

Yeah so, I have a new neighbor kid next door. Last night I was just sitting on my porch with my laptop and he was all "HEY can you come out here please?" Then I was stuck with the child talking to me for 30 minutes and asking me which car belonged to who, and he even went into my garage. He literally walked me around my own yard. "I have to go eat dinner now, but it will only take 10 minutes, what are you doing in 10 minutes??" "Uh, erm, I have to do 'work' on my computer?" "sounds boring"

Allie, please. I really don't need any more help being convinced that people exist only in this world to harass me socially. I can hardly buy things in public from humans without going into a state of weirdness...

I got a wedding invitation some months ago. 'Friends' that I haven't spoken to in at least 5 years are getting married, my plan was to ignore the invitation since I didn't really know them anymore. Instead, 3 weeks beforehand the brides mother calls me up asking if I was going to RSVP. Quickly, I lied to her complaining about how much work I have to do on the weekend, and that I'll probably be stuck there. She told me to check the invitation anyway and see if I could make the date.

It was on a Thursday.

I do NOTHING on Thursday.

She's going to call me back, I know that much of her. I have no idea how she got my phone number either, or my address for that matter. They really weren't people that I even planned on associating with anymore. It's like some horrible nightmare where this damned social decency dictates that I NOT lie to her again and just go... but I don't want to at all...

Can totally relate. Getting cornered at the train station's always an awkward one - it's not like you have anywhere else to go if you're already waiting on the train, and then you're pretty much obliged to sit with the person in question for the remainder of the train journey.

Also awkward; going to the chemist/pharmacy/drugstore/whatever to buy some condoms and discovering that the person at the till is someone you used to go to school with and never really liked that much.

There's a girl in my office, I'm not naming any names (Carley), who continually initiates awkward and inappropriate workplace conversations when I'm stuck waiting at the printer, which is unfortunately next to her desk.

Such as:

Co-worker: Your hair's getting really long. It's pretty.

Me: Thanks.

Co-worker: You should grow it out really, really long and then donate it ... to me.

Me: I dunno. If i did that, and it's unlikely, I'd probably want to give it to someone who really needs it. Like a child with cancer.

Well done. My husband and I were just talking about the weirdnesss of running into someone at the grocery store...especially when youre walking up and down the aisles in the opposite direction so you run into them again approximately every 6 and a half minutes.

OMG I don't have to go see a doctor about my social anxiety anymore! I've been worried the last few years that I was truly developing a condition, but now because of your amazing post and enthusiastic commentators, I think I'm maybe okay! Maybe I'll even try to go to the grocery store tonight!

oh my gosh i always get the surprise attacks especially when im at school ill be zoneing out at a table due to lack of sleep and some will rush up and say hey how are and its someone i havent talked 2 since high school and i dont know what to say either its so annoying and i feel bad they look hurt like why dont you know enough about me to talk to me? its so funny how you described all the attacks i never knew there were so many your so funny i love it

I am an elected official and so occasionally get calls from constituents, some of whom have NO IDEA when they have talked long enough. One in particular I find endearing because, after I listen to him for his allotted time -- 15 minutes, because I play solitaire on the computer while listening -- I can say, "Well, that's enough for tonight, Jim!" and he will say, "Sure thing!" and we hang up happily.

I love this post Alot! Can totally relate with it: I have a friend who tended to do social terrorism, damn! if I let him in it was like he didn't wanna get out ever!, but if I said that I had something to do, he tried to talk in the entrance of my house, it was almost impossible to make him go. It was like "now I'm going into my house and you no, so leave me alone!". My mom let him in once and she still regrets that.:P

I live in an apartment complex and apparently am friendly with too many people because this shit happens to me all the time!! What is almost equally bad is when my roommates have people over that I know but don't really want to hang out with and I HAVE to hang out with them because they are in MY house...its exhausting. Thanks for another great post!

Every time I read a post, I think to myself "I love her" because, you know, you tap so well into the craziness that rolls about in lots of our heads, but doesn't get properly expressed (with pictures!) to exorcise it from our beings. So, thank you for doing that.

P.s. Once you get a little older you will realize that, yes, you TOTALLY can just walk away from people, even if they are still talking. It's very freeing. :)

I just read this while writing in a coffee shop. Ever since, I've been assessing every new person who walks in as a potential social terrorist... Allie, you're a brave soul for pointing out this often ignored threat to America. Be safe.

Until you realise that the only true path to happiness is to realise that you, like all others, can function best as a rude, self-serving, social interaction sociopath where ignorance is joy and rudeness (with early parole) is bliss, you will suffer.

May you be so narcissistic that you can be at least moderately impatient and earn yourself some freedom.

You are a clone of my wife. She is 100% a "Clean ALL the things? :(" You have embodied a 21st Century archetype, and if you play your cards right, you can step into virtual demigodhood, like John Lennon, or Son of Sam.

You so effing funny, that I punch my walls with rabid fury, and alienate my family, due to my envy and bruised hubris.

This just happened to me two hours ago. I was at the grocery store, saw someone I only kind of recognized, who asked how my birthday was. I described the birthday party my friend had thrown for me, realizing only a few moments ago now, that this person had actually been in attendance. Good one.

It's always a relief to see other people with introverted tenancies that find unstructured conversations to be miserable and guilt-inducing because you're expected to be just as extroverted as they are.

The problem: How do I post this on Facebook? My friends who stop by unannounced might read into this!

I avoid speaking to my roommate because just saying "Hi" or "Good Morning" will cause him to launch into a detailed description of the day's agenda..and I mean detailed. And there's no way I can say "Umm, dude? I don't care."

Ah, haha, totally right as ever!Aside from you missed one. The totally obvious lie in the hope they get the message -I was asked out for a drink earlier, my response was claw frantically at the car door and say 'yeah.. no, i have....stuff. There's stuff. I gotta do it. Long week. Another time. BYE! *hurls self out car*'

OMG Allie I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! Anyways, I tend to not make eye contact with ANYONE. Today that got me in trouble because I got a text message from a friend right after saying 'Are you avoiding me? Why are you being so rude?' But I wasn't being rude, I was in a rush to get to lunch and only know about 4 people that live in the city - what are the odds I'd run into one of them? Keep writing Allie I check your blog about 17 times a day just to see if you've posted.

Oh god. The grocery store. I ran into a professor there a couple months ago. Another time, I ran into one of my past students (I'm a TA). Whenever that happens, grocery shopping becomes the least of my worries. You try to anticipate where they won't be. "They seem like they could be vegetarian. I'm going to go look at meat for the next 30 minutes. Please, God, anything to spare me from 'Hey youuuuu! You're in this aisle now hehehe!'"

Oh my God, that last one is the worst part of school! People just stop by the dorm and expect to be entertained without calling or texting first. Then they try to eat your food and drink your soda, and they think it's totally okay to stay until midnight, even though you have an 8 AM and a metric ton of homework left.Or you don't even know them, and they're friends of your roommate and then you're double screwed because you can't just ask them to leave because they're not there for you.

I used to have a Level 4 - an old lady in a power chair. She was desperate for human contact because her kids just shoved their mom into a 1 bedroom apartment and pretty much booked it - I found out why. (On a related note, never EVER tell a disabled neighbor, "If you need help with anything, just ask". It's a recipe for your own misery)This woman was a bitter old hag that had nothing good to say about anyone or anything - her kids, her past husbands, her health, or the way her life turned out.It got to the point where I would close the blinds on the windows (especially the sliding glass door) and turn the lights off (thank you votive candles and oil lamps!) to avoid her. When she knocked on the door, I didn't answer (thank you, headphones and Mp3 player!). She'd even ramp it up by knocking on the sliding glass door. I've never felt such anxiety in my life. Sad to say it, but it was a relief when, one morning, I found her door open. I called her name, and went inside. I found her dead, slumped in her power chair, almost to the phone. I called 911, told them about it, and later had a short, terse conversation with a cop about the whole thing. Not something I'd like to repeat. Now, I'm just an asshole for the most part - I'm tired of social niceties making a recluse out of me. If I don't want to talk to someone, even a neighbor, I won't even make up an excuse: "Okay, then. I'm going inside now." or "All right. I got stuff to do." work nicely. :D

You always manage to read everybody's minds...and then we read your posts and are in agreement that this is all truth. I've had roommates in college who will ramble on and on ad nauseum about random shit that nobody gives a crap about...but there is NO way out of the "conversation."

Sometimes there are perks to living in a foreign country (the exotic land of Canada!) where I know only a couple of people apart from my husband, and even then I only know them through him...I am just so socially awkward and horrible at small talk.

I'm relieved to see that it's not just me who can never truly relax at home. Old neighbours (Aussie, here), the postie, people selling stuff - they always seem to turn up on Pyjama Days. The number of times I've had to answer the door in my pjs, with crazy hair and no bra... *shudders*

wow. this is exactly why I am shy. this is exactly why I preform as a clown and do burlesque. when I have my costume on, or have just done a show I at least have *something* to talk about. you should go into sociology or something. your insights into humanbeens are amazingly accurate! thank you!!

wow. I was just thinking about this exact thing earlier today! I have a co-worker that has money problems, kid problems, and other horrible things happening to her. I feel bad for her, and I want to be there for her. But any chance she gets she comes over to my side of the cubicle and starts talking about it. This can go on for an hour if I don't find an acceptable way out!

A co-worker of mine likes to surprise me sometimes by cornering me in my cubicle and then going off about how stupid it is that grad school costs a ton of money, especially the elite ones she's applied to, but it's okay because she's got a full scholarship anyway if she even really decides she wants to go, which everyone tells her she'd be crazy not to, but still needs to write the application essays for, and then is all like, "Hey, can you look them over for me???" And at that point, I'm pretty much roped into editing her essays because I just want her to stop talking to me. Maybe she'll forget. Nevermind. I doubt it.

I don't mind when people drop by my house, it's usually a very welcome occurrence. This may be because the only people who drop by my house understand that by doing so they release me from any obligation to be nice. I can just tell them to leave or say that I'm in the middle of homework or family stuff.

If my friends are at my house and I want them to leave, I can just ask them to. The people I'm close to understand this, and the people who DO get offended aren't close enough to me for me to care if they are offended.

Another awkward situation - when you pass coworkers in the hall and feel obligated to talk to them even though you really really don't like them.

A tight lipped smile and raising eyebrows never fooled anyone ... they know you're thinking, "Dammit! Did I have to pass you in the hall?? Why don't I have something in my hands to pretend to be reading?!?"

Oh my god it's so funny and so fucking true. In the last couple of years, I've become much better at finding generic, friendly excuses to leave without sounding like an ass, but sometimes it can really be difficult. I always wondered if it was just me being crazy for having to think out social situations like this XD

Weirdly, I've thought precisely those thoughts...the ones in the last scenario? And even more weirdly, I HAVE spent a few night in mostly-darkness for precisely those reasons. But then, I think I'm clinically anti-social :-)

The last picture describes my wait for a new post here quite well! haha, it's very good, and very true. I identify with the last one the most. For some reason, strangers have taken to speaking to me as I walk home from the station at night, so I have to exhange "pleasantries" about my "career" and home status with someone I don't even know, that comes home on the same train as me each night, and walks in the same direction as I do towards home. Can't escape!

I live in a ridiculously small town (when we moved in and got our utilities turned on they pried off the population number on the bulletin board at the municipal building and upped it by two) so pretty much every time you leave the house you are guaranteed one of these encounters. I've taken to wearing my iPod in the grocery store because it makes it easier to pretend I don't see/hear people.

When accosted at my desk at work I can IM a different coworker: CALL ME. "Oh, I have to take this - talk to you later!"

Something similar needs to exist for normal life. Like an emergency button on the side of your cell that sends out a text saying "CALL ME NOW AND TELL ME I'M LATE FOR SOMETHING." Although, that doesn't work when someone drops by your house. Which, I might add, is the Rudest Thing Ever.

And, I laughed so hard at this that I started coughing. Painfully. That's how funny you are.

If you happen to have a toddler/preschooler you get a convenient out to any conversation. "Oops my kid is eyeballing the fruit display, gotta go". "Sorry got to put my kid to bed", "Gotta run my kid jus stuck a pencil up his nose." Of course it helps if your child is a nexus of destruction like mine.

I have been known to skip aisles in the grocery store (only to circle back later) for the sole purpose of avoiding the 6-minute agony (and it's 6! SIX! Not, SEVEN! Six! It's like you're talking gorgonzola when it's clearly brie time, baby!)

Hilarious! Funny I just had the situation of an "aquantance-id-rather-avoid" that stopped in at my house and without even being invited, walked in my house......had to use the "we were just getting ready to leave for the store" excuse....im glad im not the only one! I love your posts! They are so bruitally honest!

OMG... You totally left out the conversation you accidentally started and wish you never did. You know that person that seems to know what they're doing whilst thumping a watermelon. They seem to know about melons and not uber creepy lookin, so you ask them, "are the melons good" only to be dragged into a long conversation about the green house effect on watermelons, while you look around trying to find a way to gracefully leave the conversation!

You forgot one: someone you don't recognize who, as you gather from the conversation, you have apparently met before but who you can't recall ever meeting. You can't exactly just say, "I'm sorry, but I have completely forgotten about you. Please tell me why you know so much about me when I know nothing about you."

I totally DREAD Level 4. I think there should be some kind of law whereby people are not allowed to stop by other people's abodes unless they have called and made an appointment. Hey, doctors can do it, why not regular folks?!

Awesome! This happens to me with former college students of mine, or even current ones, same deal with the awkwardness and not knowing what to say. Worst thing is, I never know where I know them from, what class, what year, what their name is, but of course they know all those things (well, obviously their name) and want to chat, but I can't admit I don't remember where I know them from, and then I'm all, "Bye! Gotta run! To my! Thing!" When they know perfectly well there isn't one. Oh the deadly awkwardness.

Not to mention the fact you then have to worry about wearing a bra and brushing your teeth and you have to make sure you are always wearing socks so your unwanted intruder doesn't see your ugly, funny shaped toes :(. Luckily, when you have social skills like myself you are usually left alone with your farting dog and computer and you don't have to worry about people "being interested in how you are doing".

OMG, Allie...I totally love you. Not in a creepy, stalker-y way, but in a "Wow, I was just thinking along those same lines last week, but lack the personality, creativity, and verbal skills to accurately give voice to my thoughts" kind of way.

Actually, I've gotten to the point now that I just go with a somewhat sociopathic solution. I just say "hey, I'm going to stop you there, I'm going now" or something, and go.

It's rude, but most of the people I do this to either know me well enough to be aware of my quirks (and that I'm actually a nice person, but I get twitchy and rambly and slightly manic if forced to interact) or don't know me well enough to care that I'm being horrendously rude.

It also helps to imagine yourself as some cool-but-rude character, like The Doctor or Sherlock :p

Once two people came over to my house to watch a movie we had to watch together for a high school class, and once it was over they wouldn't leave, just kept sitting there and talking, and I didn't know how to ask them to leave so I pretended to fall asleep. They were like, "I guess she's asleep," and thankfully left. Love your work Allie, thanks!

Holy jeez! I got all excited about seeing this post so early. I was like "Ha! Maybe I have a chance of leaving a comment that she'll actually see!" But nope. You're taking over the internets too quickly, Allie!

I don't even remember what I was going to say now. Probably something about making coffee and forced interactions with everyone. Like that time some random dude asked to take a picture of me eating his sandwich...

haha. Of course, all the rest of it was fantastic too. I do, however, feel you've missed one key level of social entrapment, and perhaps for good reason: it's uncommon, yet the deadliest of all.

Like Level 3: The Trap, it involves a friend who spots you and/or ropes you into activities that you don't want to be involved in. Unlike Level 3, however, this acquaintance doesn't have lists of things to talk about. This person is the lurker, who creeps to the outskirts of a conversation, plants her feet and just watches you. When there is a lull in the conversation, they do not speak. They just stare at you, perhaps smiling slightly, eyes slightly blank but weirdly interested despite the absence of conversation. It's unsettling, and difficult to disengage from.

(I just wanted to share)

Your mind is brilliant.

I hate reading your cartoons because it means when I finish it will be all over.

I think I've met that vegan chick. I wonder what it is like to go through life so interested in one thing that you become oblivious to social norms.

That is the kind of person that gets so caught up in their ideals that they eventually take hostages at the discovery channel headquarters for not being 'socially conscious' enough. I mean it's the effing discovery channel for god's sake. Not that anyone would ever do that.

Hi Allie - I am SO much like you in that I'm so concerned about what people think of me, but it is funny how that changes with age (I'm - ahem - 38) - I still care, but less and less, in a good way!!! That was SO funny - loved it!!!!!!!!!! and totally related to it.

While still engaged and visiting my future in-laws, one of their neighbors came over with their infant son. My future father-in-law (who I'd only met once before this occasion thanks to them living in a different country) took the infant and proceeded, in front of my other future in-laws, my fiance, and these neighbors I'd never met before, to wave him in my face while asking me loudly "well?!? What do you think?! Fancy having some of these running around?!?!?"

I was sitting on the sofa when this happened - completely trapped - no room to maneuver. The sofa refused to swallow me up and despite feeling like a piece of me was probably dying - or exploding- I was still alive and well, which meant I was obligated to answer. Except I had no idea what to say. I think, wide-eyed, I managed a half-terrified, half-sincere, half-totally-in shock "haha, well not for a while" kind of answer while desperately trying not to turn 100 shades of red and break out into a nervous sweat. (and that's despite the fact that under normal situations, the answer to a less threatening form of that question would have been a pleasant yes!)

A former co worker who I haven't talked to in months called today to tell me she's getting married. I congratulated her and there were many akward silences but somehow I am now going to be one of her bridesmaids.

I haven't read all the comments, so this may be redundant, but I would like to add that Facebook makes these types of run-ins even more awkward.

Once, I added a girl from high school who I didn't even like very well back then, and I ran into her in Walmart while I was in town visiting my dad. I acted like I didn't see her, though I'm sure she saw me.

I have since learned to never add people on FB who I wouldn't want to talk to in real life. That's a lesson to live by.

I hate having those unexpected conversations with someone who is a friend-of-a-friend and the only thing you have in common is the friend so you say things like, "Have you seen 'the-friend-in-common' lately?" and it's really quite rude because it's completely obvious (to you anyway) that you'd couldn't even be bothered to inquire about the person you're talking to (nor make niceties) because there's really no point in talking about anything except for the friend you have in common with this friend-of-a-friend because this relationship is just basically perfunctory at best. Man. Life. Is. So. Hard.

I don't usually have these problems. We live in a city where we know very few people. Yay!

Oh wait. I probably shouldn't be happy about that. =P

But even when we lived somewhere with lots of friends they knew I just wouldn't answer the door if they showed up uninvited. I might be mean, but I don't handle people surprising me like that well.

I really hate trying to end conversations on the phone."So...""Well.""I guess I'll see you later.""Yeah, later. You coming to TheFamousDanceClubMania?""I'm not sure.""You should, it will be fun!""Yeah, I'll think about it.""Good.""Yeah.""So."

Allie, I have a solution for at least number 2 and 3: Headphones. And not those crappy ear buds but the over the ear obvious kind (I prefer the bandless "neck phone" ones). If you see someone in a store flagging you down all you need to do is take off one headphone have conversation 1 (if that), and your done. Cause from here on out they KNOW your listening to music while picking out delicious sandwich meat and therefore cannot talk. And works for number 3, I also utilize the "I'm REALLY into my phone" tactic and the glazed eyes staring off into space enjoying my music technic to see if they are lookinbg at me but avoid making direct eye contact... Just a tip so you can become and akwardness avoiding ninja QK

You forgot elevators. Nothing screams awkward quite like being stuck in a small space with someone for what seems like endless minutes. Swear to god, it's like I lose my ability to form coherent sentences in elevators. I say creepy things like "hey gotta ride these old elevators carefully, heh heh. Heroerahsdphf" Just awful.

Excellent post! You've inspired me to finally start an illustrated blog. I've been blogging for years and the idea NEVER crossed my mind. Now I'm just so happy to write up my entries and draw for hours. Its a great way to release some tension and a great way to express myself. Anyway, love the post! Keep it up!

"I totally DREAD Level 4. I think there should be some kind of law whereby people are not allowed to stop by other people's abodes unless they have called and made an appointment. Hey, doctors can do it, why not regular folks?!"

Believe it or not, doctors have this problem even worse than most people. My mom is an OBGYN. I remember so very many times growing up being at a restaurant with my family and having a random stranger coming up to chat with Mom, usually loudly, often about their "girl problems". o_o Sometimes she remembered them, often she didn't. She's very good at faking remembering. XD

Man, I had this problem toward the end of high school this May. It got to the point where I couldn't go to the grocery store without running into five people I knew (small town--acquaintances are EVERYWHERE). I didn't really care for anyone I ran into, and conversations were horribly painful. Oh, also--am I the only one who always logs onto Facebook appearing offline? The constant threat of social interaction...eeek.Now that I'm in college and I have moved three hours away from my small town, I can go to the grocery store with no makeup and no one will ambush me with small talk. I love not knowing anyone at all, and that no one knows where I live (which is off campus--god knows I couldn't handle being surrounded by people in a dorm). On another note, my grandparents always do the show-up-unnanounced thing. They bring at least twenty tomatoes every time. My poor mom has to hide in her bedroom.

Um, I guess the point to this comment is that YOU HAVE READ MY MIND, like the minds of so many others. Move to Kansas! I'd rather run into you at the grocery store than a former classmate.

I've never posted because you have plenty of commenters, but I feel absolutely compelled to tell you that your art has improved at least one level of magnitude. You are expressing new levels of emotional complexity, AWESOME LEVELS!

Allie I love you! I am always amazed at how beautifully you express so many things I've found "un-expressable" for so long. As a lifetime introvert and socially awkward person I truly appreciate your blogs. And your drawings are awesome, the expressions are wonderful! Thank you.

So funny, and SO true!I've gotten better at these interactions in person, although I still struggle immensely on the phone. Usually I'll just wait for a pause and say, "well, I better get going!" Sometimes that doesn't work though... sometimes the person will keep talking to you even though you made it clear that you wish to leave. These are the worst people of all...

Ah, this is why I wear headphones whenever I run, whether there's music or not. It's also why I take a book to read for doing errands, so as to both look busy and have a reasonable means of avoiding eye contact.

It's great to know I'm not the only one who pulls the shades and otherwise continuously plans ways to duck around these sorts of things. :c)

My husband DOES actually just walk away. Once the person in question said next time they met, "Hey! You just walked away when I was talking to you that other time!" Husband says, "Well you got boring." Person says "I said hello!" This is what happens when ADD tendencies and arrogance come together.

We have two #4s, one directly across the street and one not too far down the road. There is NO HIDING from these people. The one across the street even yelled "I can hear you in there!!!" when I tried to ignore her knocking at the door.

Oh god. The grocery store thing almost happened to us this past weekend while my husband and I were shopping for breakfast hungover.....HUNGOVER. Thankfully, since we were hungover, my husband put on his sunglasses and I pulled my 'hangover hat' over my eyes and we BARELY avoided a total social disaster.

Despite the billions of comments you undoubtedly get on each of your posts praising you for your genius and hilarity, I wish to express my undying love for your work. I can't explain how your writing and illustrations affect me. It's simply outstanding. Thank you. Keep it up. Forever. I implore you.

haha oh my goodness, I thoroughly enjoyed this post being the awkward socialite that I am, though I usually say something awkward to make them want to run far, far away from me and POOF! Awkward situation resolved!