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People getting mad over nothing

My fiancé and I are planning a surprise free drink/shot song (shots by lmfao) during the reception and when it's played all of our guests will get either a shot or drink of their choice on us. We're already having wine and beer included with the reception plus a cash bar for those who prefer something other than wine or beer for the rest of the night. My question is what is a good way to make sure only one drink per person is served during that song? I was thinking drink tickets of some sort but I want it to be a surprise to the guests as well. The dj would of course announce what the tickets are for once the song comes on and get everyone pumped up lol

Re: People getting mad over nothing

My fiancé and I are planning a surprise free drink/shot song (shots by lmfao) during the reception and when it's played all of our guests will get either a shot or drink of their choice on us. We're already having wine and beer included with the reception plus a cash bar for those who prefer something other than wine or beer for the rest of the night. My question is what is a good way to make sure only one drink per person is served during that song? I was thinking drink tickets of some sort but I want it to be a surprise to the guests as well. The dj would of course announce what the tickets are for once the song comes on and get everyone pumped up lol

This is super rude and likely to confuse and/or slightly offend your guests. First off guests should never have to pay for anything at your wedding. So if all you can afford/want to host is beer and wine that's all that should be available. Any type of cash bar is rude. Second, offering "free" drinks/shots to some people, or only for some period of time is also rude. Your guests should all be hosted equally and the same throughout the entire event.

I would recommend scrapping this whole plan and only hosting beer and wine.

My fiancé and I are planning a surprise free drink/shot song (shots by lmfao) during the reception and when it's played all of our guests will get either a shot or drink of their choice on us. We're already having wine and beer included with the reception plus a cash bar for those who prefer something other than wine or beer for the rest of the night. My question is what is a good way to make sure only one drink per person is served during that song? I was thinking drink tickets of some sort but I want it to be a surprise to the guests as well. The dj would of course announce what the tickets are for once the song comes on and get everyone pumped up lol

This is not appropriate, period. If all you can afford to host is the wine and beer (and nonalcoholic drinks), that's all you offer. No cash bar for anything else, and definitely no drink tickets for limited free drinks.

How is a cash bar rude? I actually discussed that with several family members who said that they thought it was a good idea to add a cash bar for premium drinks. It is rude to tell your guests they get only beer or wine and if they don't like it they can deal with it, this gives more options for the picky guests. The venue charges per person and there is not an option to pick and choose which guests we could add the extra liquor charge too so essentially money would be wasted by adding it to everyone. And the "ticket" per say is to keep people from taking advantage of the "shots" song. The idea was initially for all guests to take a shot during that time but I know not everyone will want a shot. My family is not uptight and know we are not made of money so accommodating more options for them is not rude at all.

How is a cash bar rude? I actually discussed that with several family members who said that they thought it was a good idea to add a cash bar for premium drinks. It is rude to tell your guests they get only beer or wine and if they don't like it they can deal with it, this gives more options for the picky guests. The venue charges per person and there is not an option to pick and choose which guests we could add the extra liquor charge too so essentially money would be wasted by adding it to everyone. And the "ticket" per say is to keep people from taking advantage of the "shots" song. The idea was initially for all guests to take a shot during that time but I know not everyone will want a shot. My family is not uptight and know we are not made of money so accommodating more options for them is not rude at all.

Except that having your guests pay for anything during the event is rude. Would you invite someone to your house for dinner and charge them for drinks? No? Then why would it be acceptable at a wedding. The reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to your wedding, it is rude to then ask them to pay for that.

It is perfectly fine to only offer beer and wine. It's perfectly fine to have a dry wedding. If an open bar with liquor is out of your budget it is absolutely fine to not offer those. But it's not okay to tell your guests to pay for those drinks.

You cannot compare a house party to a wedding with 100 plus ppl. The reception is a celebration/party for the newly married couple not a thank you for coming, that's what thank you cards and gifts are for. Like I said before my family members are not stuck up and know we are not rich and would be ok with paying for a few cocktails of their preference.

You cannot compare a house party to a wedding with 100 plus ppl. The reception is a celebration/party for the newly married couple not a thank you for coming, that's what thank you cards and gifts are for. Like I said before my family members are not stuck up and know we are not rich and would be ok with paying for a few cocktails of their preference.

The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony not for gifts. It is rude to ask your guests to pay for anything. Yes it is a party that you could have at your house so the comparison is valid. I was recently at a wedding where the drinks during the cocktail hour were cash bar. I am not a stuck up person and totally side eyed the entire thing! Please don't do this to your guests. There is absolutely nothing wrong with offering just beer and wine.

The amount of money spent or level of wealth has nothing to do with treating your guests well. People can spend tens of thousands of dollars and treat their guests poorly just as easily as people can spend a fraction of that and treat their guests incredibly well. It's about being a good host(ess) by serving them food and drinks appropriate for the time of day, without them having to open their wallets.

You do not have to have a premium open bar with top shelf liquor. You don't even have to serve liquor. Or alcohol. You do have to serve the same thing to your guests throughout the night at no charge to them. Whether that is soft drinks, beer, wine, or liquor. You should host (i.e. pay for) whatever is in your budget. You should not pass these costs on to your guests.

The reception is where you receive your guests and thank them for coming to your ceremony. If they are gracious enough to give you a gift then you send them a thank you note. While there is lots of celebrating and partying associated with some types of receptions it still does not mean you can charge people.

Imagine you went to a wedding where there was a buffet with chicken, steak, potatoes, and asparagus. You ask the server to give you a piece of steak, potatoes, and asparagus. They serve you and say, "that'll be $15." Or even if there were signs.."$10" next to the steak and "$5" next to the asparagus. Chicken and potatoes were free though. Tacky, right? I mean, why offer steak and asparagus at all if they're just going to charge for it? No one gets caught off guard by hosted stuff. They DO get caught off guard by stuff they have to pay for.

It's the same thing with alcohol. If you can't offer it without charging for it, don't offer it. It's tacky. There's absolutely nothing wrong with beer and wine. Nothing at all. I've been to a million weddings with only beer and wine and never thought it was tacky. I HAVE been to partial cash bar weddings, ordered a vodka soda and been totally embarrassed when the bartender said "$7" and I had no money, holding up the line. Wtf? Don't serve me if you're just going to charge me. Ugh.

So I can't answer your question without telling you the idea isn't a great one. Either comp the shots or don't offer them.

Another idea would be to host beer and wine and then have nips of alcohol as your favors, you could put them at each place setting. That way, each person only gets one (or two or whatever) and you don't have to be tacky with a partial cash bar or drink tickets.

The shots would be paid for as stated. Having cash bar does not mean I am forcing anyone to buy anything. It's simply an option for my guests basically saying I couldn't afford to pay for liquor but if you prefer it then it is there. It's more rude to say I could only afford this and that and if you don't like it oh well. No one is forcing anyone to buy the drinks from the cash bar it is there as an accommodation. I feel like people are so against cash bars because they think it makes them look cheap but I know my family and friends would rather have that extra option than to not have anything at all. It's not like it's going to be a surprise when they get there, it will be included in the invitations and on the website and honestly if they don't agree then they don't have to come.

There is no way to make drink tickets look appealing. Beer and wine only is absolutely acceptable. If you want to be able to accommodate a few people who would like something different, cut something extra from your budget and you will be able to have an open bar. Put bottles of red and white on the table and very few people will actually take you up on anything else. We put bottles of red and white on tables, had beer available through roaming servers, AND had an open bar but only two people took advantage of something other than beer and wine.

You cannot compare a house party to a wedding with 100 plus ppl. The reception is a celebration/party for the newly married couple not a thank you for coming, that's what thank you cards and gifts are for. Like I said before my family members are not stuck upand know we are not rich and would be ok with paying for a few cocktails of their preference.

Who told you this? It is completely wrong.

So you think that people with money are "stuck up"? Who taught you this? It makes you sound like a snob.

Alcohol is not necessary at a wedding reception. Politeness to your guests IS. After your guests take the time and effort to attend your ceremony, you then "receive" them at a reception, where you thank then for coming to your wedding, and offer them food and drink. The reception is not a party for YOU.

You have obviously never read an etiquette book in your entire life. I suggest that you check one out from your local public library, and learn a few things.You could also search this board for other people who think that cash bars are acceptable at a wedding reception. We have given them all the same good advice that we gave you.

Shots are not usually served at weddings. Many people do not/cannot drink them. Wine and beer is a much better option, IMHO.

The shots would be paid for as stated. Having cash bar does not mean I am forcing anyone to buy anything. It's simply an option for my guests basically saying I couldn't afford to pay for liquor but if you prefer it then it is there. It's more rude to say I could only afford this and that and if you don't like it oh well. No one is forcing anyone to buy the drinks from the cash bar it is there as an accommodation. I feel like people are so against cash bars because they think it makes them look cheap but I know my family and friends would rather have that extra option than to not have anything at all. It's not like it's going to be a surprise when they get there, it will be included in the invitations and on the website and honestly if they don't agree then they don't have to come.

No, what would be rude would be for your guests to demand something that is not already being offered to them.

You are going to write "Cash bar" on your wedding invitations? OMG, don't get me started! That is one of the tackiest things I have ever heard of doing. "Bring money to pay for your drinks because I just HAD to serve drinks, but I can't pay for them!" Why not just charge tickets to come to your wedding? UGH!

Many brides have a simple afternoon ceremony followed by cake and punch
in the church basement. There is nothing rude about that, as long as
they don't charge money for the pieces of cake.

If I sound angry, well, I am. Your ignorance of common courtesy is appalling. Please go read that etiquette book while you still have a few friends left in this world. Oh, and just because some people told you to your face that your idea is fine doesn't mean that they won't talk about it later to others in a negative way. They care about your feelings, and they don't want to upset you. It is simply rude, rude, rude. Here on the Knot, we have no reason to tell you anything but the TRUTH.

Where did I say rich people were stuck up??? I said my family is not stuck up aka judgmental like most of the people on this site apparently and I stated they know we do not have a lot of money to splurge on this wedding so they would not be complaining about a cash bar or judging us negatively for it. And as far as a reception being for the guests, no matter what etiquette or whatever says, the entire night is focused on the bride and groom. The guests wait for the bride and grooms entrance, they wait for the first dance, the speeches about the bride and groom, the toast to the bride and groom, the cake cutting for the bride and groom and finally the grand exit for the BRIDE AND GROOM. So please tell me how that is saying thank you to the guests. They are being fed, entertained and given a few choices of alcohol plus the OPTION to purchase something we could not afford to provide them they can. Once again it is an OPTION and no one is being forced to purchase anything.

So you're getting angry at the fact that someone whom you don't even know is going to have a beer, wine and CASH BAR at their wedding. I would be more offended if I went to a wedding and they didn't have the decency to tell me there would a cash bar beforehand or only offered me what they wanted to give me and gave me no other choice. So yes I will be letting my family and friends know on the invitations and wedding website that there will be a cash bar for premium drinks so they will be well prepared and if they don't like it they don't have to come. Real family and friends will not give a crap about what's paid for or not paid for, they will be happy to be there to celebrate your big day with you.

Where did I say rich people were stuck up??? I said my family is not stuck up aka judgmental like most of the people on this site apparently and I stated they know we do not have a lot of money to splurge on this wedding so they would not be complaining about a cash bar or judging us negatively for it. And as far as a reception being for the guests, no matter what etiquette or whatever says, the entire night is focused on the bride and groom. The guests wait for the bride and grooms entrance, they wait for the first dance, the speeches about the bride and groom, the toast to the bride and groom, the cake cutting for the bride and groom and finally the grand exit for the BRIDE AND GROOM. So please tell me how that is saying thank you to the guests. They are being fed, entertained and given a few choices of alcohol plus the OPTION to purchase something we could not afford to provide them they can. Once again it is an OPTION and no one is being forced to purchase anything.

So you're getting angry at the fact that someone whom you don't even know is going to have a beer, wine and CASH BAR at their wedding. I would be more offended if I went to a wedding and they didn't have the decency to tell me there would a cash bar beforehand or only offered me what they wanted to give me and gave me no other choice. So yes I will be letting my family and friends know on the invitations and wedding website that there will be a cash bar for premium drinks so they will be well prepared and if they don't like it they don't have to come. Real family and friends will not give a crap about what's paid for or not paid for, they will be happy to be there to celebrate your big day with you.

Oh, yes they will. You'll find out the hard way. We tried to help you. You don't want help. You want validation. Nobody here will give it to you, because you are wrong.

Maybe you need to find a book to read about how to be a decent human being. Might help you with your bitterness and anger towards complete strangers. It's not your wedding so you really shouldn't be this upset about it. As for me "finding out the hard way" I'm positive I will be just fine. Family or not I will not lose sleep over some comments about what I did or did not provide at MY wedding.

Why not nix the shot idea and just use the money you save from that to have the open bar if offering a wider choice is so important to you? PP's have said, and my own experience mirrors theirs, that most people are drinking the wine and beer anyway. A lot of people won't even want the shot. Putting wine on the table means most people will just drink the easiest available option. You're making this harder than it needs to be.

Maybe you need to find a book to read about how to be a decent human being. Might help you with your bitterness and anger towards complete strangers. It's not your wedding so you really shouldn't be this upset about it. As for me "finding out the hard way" I'm positive I will be just fine. Family or not I will not lose sleep over some comments about what I did or did not provide at MY wedding.

you are the only one getting bitter, angry, and upset over this. We are just trying to help you see a different point of view, but you are stuck in your own sense of entitlement that the wedding industry helps to promote.

The reception is a thank-you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony. Yes, there may be "first dances" and cake cutting, but there is also food and drink and (often) an open dance floor, which are there to thank your guests. And there is either a receiving line after the ceremony, or table visits at the reception, to thank each guest personally for being there. You say a reception is just for you and your FI, but you are feeding your guests and providing drinks, so it shows that you do care about your guests' comfort. People are just trying to help you maximize your guests' comfort by assisting you in being a good hostess. I know you think you are being a good hostess by letting people pay for drinks, but it really is as odd as saying "You can have the chicken or the fish, but I can't afford the steak so that'll be $20 if you want steak." Just host what you can afford. No one will judge you for hosting "only" beer and wine.

Whatever the exact purpose of the reception is, your guests deserve to be properly hosted and made comfortable. Making people pay for drinks, in my opinion, is the opposite of that. I am not a big drinker, but I would not appreciate having to pay for drinks at a wedding, nor would I appreciate there being a game where some people can get shots for free and others can't. At the very least, I would find it awkward and weird, and I doubt I'm the only one.

I do not see that anyone here got "mad over nothing." Everyone here is trying to help you be a good hostess and have the best wedding possible for all involved. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.

If a guest were to be annoyed that you ONLY offered wine and beer- THEY are the rude ones.

The hosts' obligation is to offer food and drink appropriate to the time of day. There is no qualification about what that is. Beer and wine only are just fine.

It is exactly comparable to hosting a dinner at your home. You wouldn't charge your guests to liquor at your home- you either have it in your home, or you don't.

You mention a 100+ person wedding. If you can't afford to host 100 guests, then don't invite 100 people. Have a smaller guest list and be able to offer more, if that's what you want.

But even if you ignore all of this advice.... there is no real good way to make your plan happen. Sure, you can have the DJ say, "During the next song, the B&G are offering a free drink to every guest". But what if a guest is in the bathroom or outside and they don't hear the announcement? They miss the free drink and have now been treated unfairly. Instead of guests dancing, you now have this long line up at the bar of guests waiting for their free drink. There is no way to control guests getting only one drink each- how will you get one ticket to every guest prior? And what if one guest doesn't want a shot so they give their drink ticket to someone else so they now have two? Are you going to say no? What if one person wants to get a shot for them and their date? Are you going to say no, both people need to be in attendance to get the drink? This makes your line longer. What if not every guest gets through the line before the song is over? Does the bartender say "Sorry, too bad?"- you have again treated your guests unfairly. What if 2 mins before the song started one of your guests went up and paid for a shot/hard liquor drink and NOW hears you are giving one out for free?

There is no good way to do this.

It is 100% fine to only offer beer and wine. Whatever you do offer should be offered to all guests equally and throughout the night (thus if you are going to offer a free drink- you should offer this to every guest throughout the night!). If having shots and hard liquor are important to you, then re-jig your budget elsewhere to accommodate this. Flowers and other decor are not required. Favours are not required. Ceremony programs are not required.

Maybe you need to find a book to read about how to be a decent human being. Might help you with your bitterness and anger towards complete strangers. It's not your wedding so you really shouldn't be this upset about it. As for me "finding out the hard way" I'm positive I will be just fine. Family or not I will not lose sleep over some comments about what I did or did not provide at MY wedding

Ah, yes! Special snowflake season. This SS changed her title from last night. She originally was asking about drink tickets.It never fails to astonish me how a bride can decided that her personal opinions win over established rules and etiquette.

I think you should make all of the guests line up in front of you like it's communion and pour the shot down their throats yourself. That's really the only way to be rest assured that no one gets more than one shot.

Your wedding wouldn't happen to be Ash Wednesday, would it? Then you can smudge their forehead to mark them to really make sure no one cheats and gets in line a second time. Otherwise, I'm sure your local skeevy nightclub has a handstamp you can borrow to get the job done.

The CHICKEN would be paid for as stated. Having STEAK does not mean I am forcing anyone to buy IT. It's simply an option for my guests basically saying I couldn't afford to pay for STEAK but if you prefer it then it is there. It's more rude to say I could only afford CHICKEN and that and if you don't like it oh well. No one is forcing anyone to buy the STEAK from the BUFFET it is there as an accommodation. I feel like people are so against CHARGING FOR FOOD because they think it makes them look cheap but I know my family and friends would rather have that extra option than to ONLY HAVE CHICKEN. It's not like it's going to be a surprise when they get there, THE COST OF FOOD will be included in the invitations and on the website and honestly if they don't agree then they don't have to come.

Now it's applicable to food. See how stupid this argument sounds? "But it's different with alch..." NO. No, it's not. It applies to whatever you're offering...if you can't afford to host it, don't offer it.

I mean you're obviously going to do it anyway, so let me give you the tacky, validating advice you're looking for....oh girl, you do whatEVER you want. It's your super special day! Lol! Put drink tickets at each chair with a cute poem! Poems always make rude things seem ok. Here's some wording for your website and invitations "Make sure you bring cash to our wedding because drinkin' ain't free! If you don't like it, don't come!! We didn't want to waste money on your plate anyway!!" Lolololol!!

How is a cash bar rude? I actually discussed that with several family members who said that they thought it was a good idea to add a cash bar for premium drinks. It is rude to tell your guests they get only beer or wine and if they don't like it they can deal with it, this gives more options for the picky guests. The venue charges per person and there is not an option to pick and choose which guests we could add the extra liquor charge too so essentially money would be wasted by adding it to everyone. And the "ticket" per say is to keep people from taking advantage of the "shots" song. The idea was initially for all guests to take a shot during that time but I know not everyone will want a shot. My family is not uptight and know we are not made of money so accommodating more options for them is not rude at all.

It's rude to make your guests pay for anything at your wedding. As a hosted event, it's your responsibility to cover all the costs of entertaining your guests, including that of any alcohol served to them. If you don't want to pay for it, then don't serve it. Dry weddings and free limited bars are not rude, but trying to pass on any costs to your guests via cash bars, drink tickets, or any other means is rude and inappropriate-regardless of what your guests want.

Maybe you need to find a book to read about how to be a decent human being. Might help you with your bitterness and anger towards complete strangers. It's not your wedding so you really shouldn't be this upset about it. As for me "finding out the hard way" I'm positive I will be just fine. Family or not I will not lose sleep over some comments about what I did or did not provide at MY wedding.

Decent human being, you mean like a decent human being who cares enough about their friends and family to treat them with some basic manners?

I know it's embarrassing to realize how rude and selfish you were being, and that can cause you to lash out at the people who point it out. But if you actually want to be a decent host, take a step back and then give it some thought. The posters here are helping you avoid embarrassing yourself in front of your friends and family. Sure, your guests may be too polite to complain about how rude a cash bar is, but you're delusional if you think they wouldn't notice.

You invite people to your wedding because you care about them and want to share this time with them. Not because you want to make an ass of yourself and alienate them.