It wasn't exactly a gushathon from our venerable critic Charles Spencer for Viva Forever, the new Spice Girls Musical. His precise words were: "I'll tell you what I wanted, what I really, really wanted - I wanted this terrible show to stop." Our online fashion critic Belinda White was similarly muted about the outfits four of the Spice Girls wore to the opening this week. Mel B's frock was slashed up to her "scary" regions. Geri was in a predictably over-the-top "fairy" dress. Emma B was "tacky-tastic"… and Victoria Beckham was nowhere to be seen, delayed, allegedly, by that old London favourite, "terrible traffic".

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Miraculously, the Beckhams managed to arrive in time for a last-minute photo-call en famille - just as the final sequin and tattoo of Mrs Beckham's former band-mates shimmered over the horizon of the foyer into yonder stalls.

Admit it, we've all been there - the beloved old friends whose refusal to embrace the kind of sophisticated style that has become yours and my trademark, is just so embarrassing. As a lesson in preventing one's brand from becoming defiled by past unfortunate associations, VB's ducking and diving was a masterclass. As a demonstration of the unbroken bonds of girlpower it was less successful. If only she'd thought about this earlier, VB could have done what anyone with an atrociously dressed friend or partner learns to do: start with the subtle stream of presents, including new clothes, make-up, accessories, working up to that make-over with a professional stylist and culminating in a cull of everything they've ever bought on their own.

Scary, Ginger, Baby and Sporty at the Viva Forever premiere PHOTO: PA

LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF

Shopping is freighted with even more moral dilemmas than usual this Christmas. But after extensive conversations, straw-polls and dedicated eavesdropping, I think I've managed to clarify most of the issues:

1. To boycott or not to boycott Starbucks? Easy. Its coffee sucks.

2. To boycott or not to boycott Amazon? Tricky. How about we just use it for those poor Amazon market traders whose businesses are being decimated, on the grounds that Amazon can't make that much on the deal. Should the odd bargain box set fall into the basket in the process, er oops?

3. To boycott wage-slave Chinese products? Yes. But only when they're not that nice and not that cheap. You can be a wage-slave in Europe too and, anyway, aren't these things all relative?

4. To just give everyone wads of notes? The preferred option in my house. But isn't this expunging what little remains of the season's spirituality and turning it into a brutal capitalist transaction?

Yup. However, it also alleviates 3am wrapping, encouraging you to be a nice, calm mummy instead of that screaming banshee nagging everyone to help hunt down the Sellotape.