Last Longer: Treat Premature Ejaculation

Last Longer in Bed!

Premature ejaculation doesn't have to mean a premature end to your sex life. Use these strategies and ye shall, ahem, overcome

December 29, 2005

Expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., Photograph by Darryl Estrine

Ultimately, it was the "stop-start" method that pushed my fiancée, Tara, over the edge. What with so much stopping and so little starting, not to mention all my various instructions—"Slow down, easy, easy, okay, go ahead, stop, I said stop!"—she finally blurted out, "Jesus, are we having sex or parking a car?"

As she jumped out of bed and reached for her clothes, I pleaded, "Wait ... You can't just get up and go—"

"Why not? That's what you do every time we have sex."

I stammered and said something about lasting 10 seconds—2 more than last month. She said something about menopause and how maybe we'd be able to have sex for a whole minute by then.

"I'm so sick and tired of saying, 'It's okay, really,' every time we have sex," she yelled. "It's not okay! This is your problem, not mine. And if you don't get it figured out by the time I get back from Hong Kong, the engagement is off."

Ungloved LovePremature ejaculation (PE) has been, without a doubt, the single greatest factor in the formation of my character. Whenever someone asks me why I pursued a Ph.D. in clinical sexology and became a sex therapist, I always say it's because of my struggles with PE and the years of quiet desperation I endured.

I still remember when my college girlfriend first went on the Pill. I was terrified. Until then, a condom lined with lidocaine (a numbing agent that rendered me barely able to feel my penis) had been my first line of defense.

The sex wasn't pleasurable, but at least it wasn't totally humiliating. Now, however—could I go it alone? The first time we made ungloved love, I was overwhelmed by the sensations: the slippery warmth, the wetness of being inside her. It felt so amazing; I wanted desperately to savor the experience. But it was out of my control. On my very first thrust, I went in, but I didn't make it out. And as I lay on top of her—defeated, depleted—I cried.

I wanted to make love like a man, but I was a little boy, incapable of controlling my bodily functions.

I considered premature ejaculation (PE) my tragic downfall and believed myself cursed with an Achilles penis. Today, at least I know I'm not alone. Indeed, whenever I see a commercial for Viagra or one of its new competitors, I get ticked off: Why isn't the media talking about PE? According to urologists Andrew McCullough, M.D., of the New York University school of medicine, and James Barada, M.D., of the Albany College of Medicine, PE is the number-one sexual-health problem afflicting men, and is three times more common than erectile dysfunction (ED). Estimates vary, but 20 percent to 30 percent of men suffer from PE—and those figures are based on self-reported studies.

What do women say? Nearly two-thirds of them have had sex with a man who experienced premature ejaculation, according to a recent survey of 900 women conducted by MensHealth.com and Cosmopolitan magazine. PE strikes men of all ages, and the condition affects virtually all men at some time in their lives. Dr. McCullough and Dr. Barada surveyed more than 1,100 men with PE and found that those men report less satisfaction and more anxiety about their sexual relationships. It can wreck their confidence and cause them to avoid new relationships.