Sometimes I wonder how it is that John Mayer and Ashton Kutcher aren’t best friends. Or could they be? Do we reject that which repulses us in our ourselves?

Anyway, now that Katy Perry doesn’t want to be dealing with him anymore, John’s all fresh again with a haircut. He showed up at Mindy Kaling’s party the other night and may have been flirting with her. It’s really too bad she didn’t turn to him and say no, don’t whisper in my ear you gross pig. When I daydream later, it’ll be those words coming out of Tina Fey’s mouth. It’s just, never mind manners, I don’t think Mindy Kaling would even want to. Can we pretend I didn’t say that out loud?