Newman's Cool Man MP3 player: yes that's a safety pin, stud

In one fell swoop, Newman shows the industry how to get its ass back into plastic. The Cool Man MP3 player is anything but, man. Unless you're still wearing that acid-washed, Blondie pin collector from your 80's wardrobe. The DAP features an OLED display, MP3/WMA support, built-in mic and bleb poppin' safety pin. And that juicy orange? We have no fracking idea since the player is about as waterproof as a, as a... well, entry-level MP3 player.