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‘Tis the Season… For the Ultimate Christmas Quiz!

Posted by mattusmaximus on November 6, 2011

Well, the traditional Holiday season is upon us, which means that many Christian fundamentalist zealots will no doubt spend considerable time and energy annoying the rest of us with all manner of drivel regarding the “truth” of their beliefs. But it has been my experience that many of these fundamentalists don’t actually understand their own religion…

For Example: The myth of the Nativity is a big one propagated by too many Christians who are horribly ignorant of the origins of their own religion.

So, in the spirit of addressing many of the misconceptions and false claims espoused by these fundamentalists concerning Christmas and Jesus Christ, I would like to share with you the Ulitmate Christmas Quiz (kudos to my skeptical colleague Phil @ Skeptic Money for passing this along)…

1. What year was Jesus born? a. We don’t know for sure, since the gospels disagree irreconcilably.b. We don’t know for sure, but the gospels agree it was during the reign of Herod the Great (died around 4 B.C.).c. We don’t know for sure, but the gospels agree it was when Quirinius was governor of Syria (6 A.D.).d. We don’t know for sure, but the gospels agree it was the year the moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter aligned with Mars.e. D’uh! The year zero, of course.2. According to the Gospels, what day was Jesus born?a. Dec 25th.b. Dec 24th.c. No date is given in any gospel.d. The day of the Winter Solstice.e. The third night of Hanukkah.3. What pagan holiday did later Christians “borrow” to celebrate Jesus’ birthday?a. The Greek Brumalia festivalb. The Roman feast of Saturnaliac. Dies Natalis Solis Invicti (“the Birthday of the Unconquered Sun”)d. All of the abovee. None of the above4. So what day was Jesus really born? a. Jan 6b. Feb 2 (Groundhog Day)c. March 25d. We can’t be certain.e. Sometime during Sukkoth, the Jewish Feast of Tabernacles5. According to Mark (the oldest gospel) where was Jesus born?a. He doesn’t say.b. By the chimney, with care.c. In his parent’s house in Nazareth.d. A manger in Bethlehem.e. A cave in Bethlehem.6. According to Luke, who were the Wise Men?a. A group of 2 – 12 Zoroastrian astrologers from Persia.b. Three kings of orient bearing gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh from afar.c. There were no Wise Men.d. Cupid, Donder and Blitzen.e. Melchior of Persia, Caspar (or Gaspar) of India, and Balthazar of Arabia.7. According to Matthew, who showed up on the night of Jesus’ birth?a. Shepherds keeping watch over their flocks by nightb. An angel and a multitude of the heavenly hostc. The prophet Simeon and the prophetess Annad. Ten lords a-leapinge. No one.8. What happened after Jesus’ birth?a. Impossible to say for sure – two of the gospels tell completely contradictory stories, and the other two say nothing.b. Good tidings were brought for him and his kin; and then figgy pudding, for they would not go until they get some.c. Scary stuff: An angel warns Joseph via a dream to flee their home in Bethlehem for Egypt. Herod kills all the baby boys in the region. After Herod’s death, they return to Judea but are afraid of Herod’s son, so they move to Nazareth in Galilee instead (evidently, Matthew forgot that Galilee was ruled by Herod’s other son!).d. Happy stuff: The shepherds spread the good news to all, baby Jesus is circumcised, and after the obligatory 40 days for ritual purity, brought to the temple in Jerusalem where prophets hail him as the Christ. They return home to Nazareth and go back to Jerusalem every year for Passover until Jesus is twelve.e. We aren’t told, the gospels immediately cut to his adulthood.9. Which of these traditional Christmas elements were originally pagan? a. Christmas Treesb. Yule Logsc. The Birth of the Saviord. Boughs of Holly and Sprigs of Mistletoee. All of the above10. Where does the word “Yuletide” come from?a. It’s an abbreviation of the Latin ultimus ides, “last holiday of the year.”b. From Germanic/Old Norse “Jul-time” or “Jól-time” (the midwinter fest).c. Named after Julius Caesar, who invented Sanctus Clausius, the Roman Santa Claus.d. Named in honor of Hywll Tydd, ancient Welsh god of reindeer and socks.e. Nordic priests copied the name from the Christian Christmastide.11. Who started the War on Christmas?a. True American Christian Fundamentalists and the Founding Fathersb. Richard Dawkinsc. Godless atheists, the liberal media, gays and lesbians, activist judges, science teachers, lawyers, the ACLU, democrats and everyone else we hate.d. The Jewse. Al Qaida12. Our familiar modern American “Santa Claus” is based on all these earlier figures, EXCEPT for: a. The English Father Christmas, Charles Dickens’ characters and the Victorian cartoons of Thomas Nast.b. The Dutch Santa, Sinterklaas or Goedheiligmanc. A de-horned, sanitized, anagram of Satan.d. Mighty Norse thunder god Thor’s father, Odine. St. Nikolaos, 4th-century Greek bishop and patron saint of children.Bonus Question! (re-gifted from the Ultimate Easter Quiz)13. Who wrote these gospels, anyway?a. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John – I mean, come on, it says so right there.b. Actually, none of the gospels even claim to be written by eyewitnesses -all were originally anonymous and written at least a generation later.c. Well, it’s more like the end of first century for Mark and sometime in the early to mid 2nd century for the others, if you must know.d. Hold on – Not only that, but Matthew and Luke just reworked Mark gospel, adding their own material and tweaking Mark’s text to better fit what they thought it should say.