The marketing material on the package gives some pretty high expectations: “American’s favorite Kosher beef jerky!” ??? And, I’m not even commenting on the incorrect capitalization of “Kosher” <sigh!>.

I was a little disconcerted by the actual package because there seemed to be a fair amount of moisture surrounding the meat (apologies for the glare – this was the best picture I could get). I thought jerky was supposed to be very dry.

But, hey, I take my job as a food taster seriously. I didn’t want to trust just my taste buds … I wanted to get balanced opinions from a wide range of friends coming from different backgrounds. Waiting for the right occasion took a little while, but it finally arrived – my good friend Sacha was finally back in town from DC and threw a late night barbecue.

I arrived shortly before 11 pm with my 2 oz bag of Holy Cow jerky poking out of my purse between my wallet and cell phone. After eating a hamburger, I busted the bag out and explained our task for the night, dispensing brown nibbles to all attendees. The comments came fast and furious.

One friend, somewhat prone to (melo)drama, and who admitted to not liking beef jerky in the first place, spit the jerky out and called it “stale plastic in bargain basement teriyaki sauce…like a dog chew toy…” Granted, I’m not sure why he knows what a dog chew toy tastes like, but I’ll leave that for another discussion.

Another non-jerky eater described the flavor as “weird” but was impressed that the ingredient list was all pronounceable with only one preservative.

Our final jerky novice was similarly not impressed, handing her piece to her husband after one tentative bite, dismissing it as “tasting like poop.”

Her husband, on the other hand, our first jerky pro, felt that the meat “was already a little too moist and loose already…had a good taste but went too quickly… it should require a bit more work to loosen it up.”

Sacha, our most voracious meat eater and consistent traveler, said that there was absolutely no comparison between this jerky and what he calls the gold standard, Jeff’s Gourmet dried beef jerky sticks that he buys and eats on airplanes.

The self-described “ultimate cheapskate” who spent time in Texas and therefore should know a thing or two about jerky called the meat “something like a Japanese candy” and eventually had to throw it out despite the starving children in Africa.

Finally the most experienced jerky connoisseur, having actually made jerky with roommates while in Yeshiva in Israel, described the Holy Cow jerky as having a texture that immediately brought to mind “fleishig” chewing gum. Again, not boding well for jerky.

Now, a note on the jerky’s texture. The company’s website states:

Through our revolutionary production process, we’ve mastered the art of Jerky making. The result is truly fantastic flavor with a lean, tender finish – never brittle and dry. Moreover at Holy Cow! Kosher, we never use artificial ingredients, No Trans Fats or unnatural preservatives. If you’re looking for 100% quality, you found it.

So, they seem happy with their “tender finish” but our consensus was that “brittle and dry” is really the way to go with jerky.

The précis for Holy Cow!:

- Nice use of natural ingredients
– Poor texture, too moist for jerky
– Mediocre taste
– I would not buy this again, especially because there are better options out there

Like this:

Yup. You heard me right. It’s like a whole bunch of oxymorons rolled into one.

Let’s just start from the end and work our way backwards.

Chorizo, a pork sausage. Recipes for homemade chorizo abound, but the image that most often springs to mind is spicy sausage, encased in I don’t even want to know what. Usually spiced with a combination of garlic and peppers, this sausage has its local variations and can be purchased fresh (requiring cooking) or fermented and cured, the former more often in South America, the latter most often in Europe. Mine is from France (and I can’t tell you how I got it!), so it’s the cured version. And meant to be sliced for sandwiches (or thrown atop salads). Clearly my kosher variety is made with beef instead of pork.

For no good reason, I have been holding onto this lovely quasi-contradiction in my fridge for a few months (as a cured meat, it can last quite a while). And then…something struck…and I had to eat some meat (this might sound a little familiar) and I had to have it right then.

Eager to taste this rare delicacy (rare in the kosher world, that is) that I had heard so much about, I dug in with my knife and made a little dinner. I found that, lacking a deli slicer, my bread knife was the next best option. Thinking about cinco de mayo next week, I threw together a quick guac of avocado, grated onion, grated tomato, fresh cilantro, lime juice, salt, and cumin, slathered it on some lavash, added baby greens, spread out my treasured chorizo, and rolled everything up.

I ate the wrap standing over the cutting board. No plate. No napkin. Nothing. But you’ll keep my little secret, right?

Like this:

On Wednesday, April 8, the morning of the first Passover seder, many Jews will partake in a rare ritual called Birkat HaChamah (“blessing over the sun”) after sunrise. I will not go into the explanation about how this all is calculated, but supposedly every 28 years, the sun is in the exact same position that it was in on the fourth day of creation, and many take advantage of this opportunity to remember creation and bless our Creator. The prayer said roughly translates to, “Blessed are you, Eternal our Lord, who makes the work of creation.”

Whether one is a firm believer, a zodiac fanatic, a fan of interesting ritual, I think there’s something here for everyone. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a little reminder be thankful that you do get up every morning. And if you’re an ardent evolutionist and think I’m sounding totally crackpot, well, maybe you’ll appreciate this little piece of NY history that I found referenced in the sheet passed out at the Hillel of my alma mater:

HEBREW FESTIVAL MARRED
Rabbi Arrested of Observance of an Ancient Talmudic Ceremony in Tompkins Square.
THE BLESSING OF THE NEW SUN
No Permit Had Been Thought Necessary for the Gathering and Policeman Foley Could Not Understand What It Meant – Occurs Once in 28 Years.

Orthodox Hebrews in every part of the world celebrated yesterday what is familiarly known among them as ‘the new sun.” … The celebration in New York was spoiled for some hundreds of people by the interference of two park policemen with a gathering in Tompkins Square, the arrest there of Rabbi Wechsler, and the flight of Rabbi Klein.

…Rabbi Wechsler and Rabbi Klein, who are the heads of two large east side congregations, decided to call their people to meet in Tompkins Square. Nobody was in charge of the services, and nobody thought of obtaining a permit for holding a public meeting, as required by city ordinances. The Hebrews gathered by the hundreds…

… By 8 o’clock [in the morning] the square and the sidewalks around it were crowded. Rabbi Wechsler arrived about that time and was astonished to see Rabbi Klein running away at full speed. This last phenomenon was explained a moment later by the appearance of Park Policeman Foley, puzzled and excited.

The celebration is rather a complicated matter to explain to anybody. Rabbi Klein’s knowledge of English is slight, while Foley’s faculties of comprehsion of matters outside of police and park regulations and local events are not acute. The attempt of a foreign citizen to explain to an Irish American an astronomical situation and a tradition of the Talmud was a dismal failure.

Both became excited, and the people clustered around them increased the confusion. When Foley was told in broken English about a “new sun,” he was doubtful whether it was an attempt to guy him, or whether some new infection of lunacy had broken out on the east side. His demonstrations became so threatening that Rabbi Klein understood that he was in danger of being arrested and clubbed, and chose the easiest and fastest plan of escape.

Rabbi Wechler’s English is better than Rabbi Klein’s, but he could not convey the significance and purpose of the assemblage to Foley. The one fact which that offical’s perceptions grasped was that there was no permit.

After some parley, he seized the rabbi by the neck and took him to Essex Market Police Court. After being kept among the prisoners in the police court for nearly an hour, the rabbi was arraigned before Magistrate Cornell who dismissed him because he had evidently not intended to do wrong, admonishing him, however, not to make trouble for Foley…

I can so picture this. And I sure hope the organizers of this year’s Birkat HaChamah celebration in Central Park have filed for the appropriate permits.

***

This week I wanted to make a shabbat dinner that was largely kosher for Passover (“KLP”) to try out a few recipes. As I was coming up with my menu, I was reminded of this great main course when I overheard a friend asking whether there were any real authentic Jewish meatball dishes. I’m not sure whether this qualifies, but it is one of my favorite recipes and was the centerpiece of the first meal I prepared with the intention of sharing in this blog. The theme for that meal was North African-Southern Mediterranean. This Moroccan recipe has a beautifully colored sauce, and its name in French and Arabic refer to the bright red-yellow-orange of the setting sun at twilight.

Sunrise. Sunset. Close enough! They’re both beautiful times of day. And a reminder of the beauty of nature.

Adapted from Joyce Goldstein’s Saffron Shores: Jewish Cooking of the Southern Mediterranean. She says, “The Arab name of this dish, ‘chems al aachi’ means ‘setting sun’ because the golden color of the sauce is reminiscent of the glorious sunset in Morocco.” The color comes from a saffron infusion that is incorporated into the sauce as well as directly into the meatballs. The original recipe calls for mixing 3 potatoes, peeled and shredded, with the ground meat to extend the portions, but when I tried this, I found that the meatballs fell apart into meat mush. Further, this recipe does not make a large amount of sauce, so you can actually double the sauce ingredients (except for the amount of cilantro). I replace half of the ground beef with ground turkey and also roast the meatballs in the oven to remove some of the fat before cooking them in the sauce.

In a large bowl, combine the meats and eggs; add bread crumbs or matzah meal, salt, pepper, and ¼ C of saffron infusion. Knead well with hands to mix.

Form into walnut-sized meatballs and set aside. I used a tablespoon to keep the balls relatively uniform. Do not make the meatballs too compact or they will be tough when cooked.

Pre-roast the meatballs on parchment- or foil-covered baking sheet for 10-15 minutes to release and drain off some of the fat. This is what will remain when you remove the half-done meatballs to add to the sauce. NOTE, this step can be skipped if you are in a rush and want fewer dishes to wash, but I found that the pre-roasted meatballs tasted better and are probably a bit healthier.

While meatballs are roasting in the oven, in a large sauté pan or skillet, heat oil and add garlic, fresh cilantro, spices, powdered chicken stock/bouillon/stock, and 2 T saffron infusion. Cook until sauce turns yellow and then add additional water (total liquid added should be 1 C). The sauce is what gives the dish its sunset name.

Add the meatballs to the sauce in a single layer and simmer until cooked through, about 10-15 additional minutes. Meatballs should cook for a total of 25-30 minutes between the oven and stovetop (or on stovetop only if you skip the pre-roasting step).

Add remaining saffron infusion and heat through.

sunset meatballs - made with potatoes, not pre-roasted, and made with less cilantro than called for; these fell apart into "meat mush"

Taste and adjust the seasoning.

Serve hot with or without rice. If serving with rice, considering doubling the sauce recipe.

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I try to listen to my body. So when I wasn’t feeling well and craving meat, knowing that I’m often anemic, I didn’t waste much time. Because when I’m hungry, I need to eat!

Without easy access to a (kosher) butcher or deli here in Cambridge, I don’t have many options. Granted, my options were probably a bit wider than most given the, er, interesting way I shop for food. In my fridge is meat that I have from France – some saucisson sec and beef chorizo - and a bag of beef jerky that I found in the Kosher Marketplace on my most recent trip to NY. The beef jerky won because … well … I felt the French meat deserved to be shared.

I ripped the bag open and took a tentative first bite. See, I’m not typically a jerky kind of gal. I have been known every once in a while to make mac and cheese from a box (much to Ellie/the Baking Architect’s shock and chagrin), but for the most part, I’m a fancylittle lady.

The jerky was chewy and tough – just like a cowboy would want to snack on during the day. Not too salty, not spicy, not overpowering. Just dried meat. I reached my hand back into the bag. Maybe I would save some jerky to throw on top of a salad. A couple bites. Spinach with tomato and avocado. The picture would be nice – the thin brown pieces atop the green leaves. A few more pieces. Maybe a lemon vinaigrette. Keep chewing.

Before I knew it (and you saw this coming), the bag was empty. I’ll have to buy some more — luckily the company offers free shipping in the continental US!

The jerky is made by RJs and supervised by the RCC (Rabbinical Council of California). Ingredients are pretty simple which is probably what makes it good quality — beef, low sodium soy sauce, brown sugar, liquid smoke. Each bag is 3 ounces (3 servings) and pretty low in fat, high in protein, and high in sodium. Nutritional information is available on the website.

If only they made South African biltong or boerewors … because Kosher Heaven is no longer anywhere to be found on the web!

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About

Hi! I'm Gayle, and here I use my Hebrew name Zahavah. I work front of house in a restaurant where I'm learning the hospitality industry from the ground up. Up until a year ago, I was a health care consultant. Also, I have an MD. Go figure! Thanks for dropping by and joining the conversation.

koshercamembert@gmail.com

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