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Marriages essentially boil down to best friends who are attracted to each other sexually.

OP and her husband aren't best friends. The only thing separating the relationship OP has with her husband and the relationship OP's husband has with this other woman is social pressure and acting on the sexual attraction.

I'm torn on this one. I have mostly had friends of the opposite sex and seem to form the closest bonds with them. There have been a couple of occasions that I had no idea that the friend harbored strong feelings for me until very late in the friendship. It was uncomfortable and perplexing to say the least. Two people can be friends and not be sexually attracted, but sometimes the attraction is there and visible to everyone but you. Or in this case, it seems that OP's husband is aware of his BF's feelings ("no one can love you like I do...").

It's definitely not that your SO is someone who is second best, for me anyway. I wouldn't want to be wih anyone other than my SO, and he's definitely not second best to anyone, but that doesn't mean I can't have my best friend too.

I've known my best friend for over 10 years, so obviously he's like a brother to me. I don't really make any specific labels about who I'm closest to, but again, obviously my SO is a best friend in a completely different way.

It's entirely possible to have a best friend outside your relationship as well as your SO being the most important, and coming first as a priority.

And these relationships never last or the people are always unhappy. My wife is my best friend and I'm immensely attracted to her and she to me. Marriage, by definition, requires you to put your spouse first. It's a damn legal contract specifically indicating that you have to do that. If you aren't willing to do that then don't get married. Otherwise you're being dishonest and entering into the relationship under false pretenses.

Rubbish. I know of a few marriages where they have their separate best friends and their relationships are just as good as those who don't.

Actually, by definition, marriage does not require you to be best friends with your spouse and nobody else. Yes, they come first but people are also allowed best friends, people they've known for half or most of their lives.

The vows don't require you to be best friends with your wife/husband if you use the traditional vows, and as long as you make your spouse come first I don't see the problem in having other best friends.

I do, and my relationship is fantastic. I'm not saying my boyfriend isn't also my best friend, but I've known my original best friend for nearly 10 years and I'm not dropping him because I'm in a relationship.

People want different things from a marriage, and I don't think that if you're not willing to only have your SO as a best friend you're being dishonest and shouldn't marry.

No where did I say you shouldn't have other friends. I said your spouse should be your best friend. If they aren't then why are you getting married? Why are you entering into a legal contract with someone when you would choose someone else as the person you trust the most? Marriage =/= regular relationship. It comes with legal and economic requirements and has punishments for violating them.

I don't know about you, but I would never sign such a contract if I didn't have that person's utmost trust and wasn't absolutely sure they would be behind me no matter what.

Everything you said is perfectly fine for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but not okay for a marriage. Marriages require sacrifice and both partners giving up some autonomy. If you can't or won't do that then your relationship won't last or you will be miserable.