San Franciso is a city in which men and women are free to flaunt their respective junk in public without fear of arrest. America! What harm can a little dick or ass cause to a community if isn't swinging in your face or contaminating public seats? The answer is "a lot," according to perfectly named City Supervisor Scott Wiener.

Wiener is proposing an ordinance that will ban people from exposing their "genitals, perineum or anal region on any public street, sidewalk, street median, parklet or plaza." A perineum is the area beetween your ass and your genitalia, in case you were wondering (I had to look it up).

"I don't think having some guys taking their clothes off and hanging out seven days a week at Castro and Market Street is really what San Francisco is about. I think it's a caricature of what San Francisco is about," Wiener said.

Naturally, some people are upset about the measure, which will be voted on this Tuesday. Last week a group of nudists marched to city hall wearing only protest signs. They argue the proposed ban is a violation of their first amendment right.

"Being naked is a birth-given freedom, not a crime," said Gypsy Taub, 43, a plaintiff in the case. A former stripper turned stay-at-home mother of three, Ms. Taub is the host of a public access television show called "My Naked Truth," on which both she and her guests go unclothed.
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"The city is trying to legislate against the naturalness of the naked body, and that is wrong," said George Davis, 66, another plaintiff in the suit who manages a Web site for "urban nudists."

In recent years, Mr. Davis campaigned naked while running unsuccessfully for mayor and city supervisor. He estimates that he spends 120 days a year unclad in public.

"I'd go more, but I get uncomfortable if it's too cold or foggy," Mr. Davis said.

If a failed politician who runs a website for "urban nudists" and a retired stripper can't convince mainstream San Franciscans of the right to be nude always in public, then clearly no one can.

This is not the first time the prudish Wiener has fought nudity. Last summer, he proposed a successful ban requiring nudists to cover public seating before sitting down and to cover themselves before entering restaurants.

Said Wiener then: "This legislation is not about whether to ban or not ban public nudity. It's a basic public health measure."

Apparently, Wiener let the victory go to his head, and now he wants all nudity banned, unless you're five years old or younger, a "naked breast," or a "participant at permitted street fairs and parades."

A $100 fine would be the maximum penalty for the first violation, but a third citation could be treated as a misdemeanor, which could result in a $500 fine and a year in jail.