A Letter to PTSD

I never wanted for things to go this far, and now I feel I need to clear the air. You have taken my husband and changed him in ways I never imagined. You’ve stolen his patience, his mild manner, his ability to think rationally. You’ve wedged yourself between us and turned us from a loving couple into roommates. I want you to know, it’s not me, it’s you.

Before you go, here is what I want you to know:

It is not my job to “micromanage” and make everyone do everything. Some things will not make you happy, you will need to learn to deal with it.

It is not my job to make sure everything in life goes the way you want it to. I cannot control every aspect of your environment to help you avoid frustration.

When things don’t go your way, you cannot take it out on me.

I’m not willing to be yelled at, sworn at, or berated because you are in a bad mood or things didn’t go your way.

I deserve to feel relaxed and happy. I know you are on edge all the time, but I cannot sacrifice my own peace because you are struggling. You will need to learn ways to cope.

I did not come with an “on/off” switch.” Just because you feel bad for the way you acted, does not mean I can immediately turn off my emotions. Likewise, following me repeating, “I’m sorry” and “I love you” will not help me calm down faster. Sometimes I am allowed to be upset, especially after you’ve had an outburt. I deserve a chance to cool down and regroup.

I am sorry it has to be this way, but the time has come to let you go and reclaim my husband. I know this might be a difficult good-bye, but believe me when I say we will find a way to live without you.