Journal

It hurts too much to truly love, more deeply than the greatest betrayal, so we define love in the most absurd and mundane terms, forever failing to understand its ‘terrifying’ and unyielding power.

Do not put off the giving of your charity or the forgiving of your enemy for the day after tomorrow. With the blink of an eye your universe could go dark. And an opportunity forever lost to carry some small piece of light over to the other side.

You will be robbed of many things, childhood dreams and secret labors. The goal however was not the result of these things, but the response to these losses. This was the real purpose which deep down you always knew.

It is all too normal to oftentimes confuse romantic love with fleshly desire. There is common ground between the two, the longing and the lust. More truthfully it is the fear of dying alone in those depressing places which we dread too much to ponder on.

Hunger and thirst are the primary movers [and then afterwards the Creator if we should find some spare moments to reflect upon the divine], all else are choices with which we seek to define ourselves to the world for its crowns of dust.

We are by our nature both political and religious beings, it is how we are ‘wired’ and as much we might try to wash these innate inclinations away, it is not possible so we scrub and scour and still the ‘stains’ will remain.

Every time we silence our true voice we die a little more, like a beautiful song drawing quickly to its end.

If you have two friends rejoice daily. If you have three weep and fall to your knees. Blessed, blessed that you are.

Next to war there is no greater destructive consequence than our idolizing of other human beings, the ‘personality cult’. The elevating of another person to ‘star’ or ‘celebrity’ status is not only the beginning of the destruction of that person, but also reduces the giver of that status themselves. And is not the cause of all war the personality cult in the first place?

I will see light to the extent that I walk in the Light; I will walk in the darkness to the degree that what I do contradicts the truth which has been revealed to me. And it is the accumulation of these contradictions which can ultimately become our greatest ‘stumbling block’.

We are to be judged with how we have responded to the Light with our conscience “bearing witness” to the integrity of our thoughts and actions (Rom. 2:15). So be delighted enough to allow for each heart to discover its own path and its own way home. But you must remain faithful to that which was set aside only for you from the beginning.

The most beautiful things will remain hidden, the flower with the heavenly aroma hidden in the rocky cleft of the highest alp, the greatest poem forever lost in the draw of a demolished bedroom, the profoundest music not put down on paper, the most incomprehensible sacrifices seen only by guardian angels.

Your brother and sister, your next door neighbor, despite the violence and the suffering which we witness each evening on our television sets, they are by their very nature good people. There are far more ‘righteous’ people in the world than there are ‘unrighteous’. Have you asked a stranger for a cup of water and have been given a cup of stones?

Enlightenment is not a mysterious process available only to an elect group of people. We have without need complicated it with the passing of time.The first and perhaps most challenging step towards enlightenment, is to desire it in the first place. That is, to find ‘meaningfulness’ in that very moment.

I know how deeply you are suffering, but hold on a little more. This, too, it will pass. You have travelled far to reach this place and measured many distances upon this earth. For the present, for now, this is where you mustbe.

Nothing is insignificant, all acts and all things, touch upon the eternal.

I am neither more decent nor any more devout than you. And so I must all the time remind myself of this apocalypse by committing it to words.

Oh sweetest Jesus to exist in that moment when we act and are moved by selfless love alone.

Pure self-love is to practise compassion on your dying self.

Pure selfless love is difficult to practise because like light it reveals all which is not clean in our hearts. For a season this divine disclosure can hurt more than physical pain.

We shall be given a second chance to embrace the magnificence of humility as our death draws near. Let us hope our deaths are not sudden.

Few things are more beneficial for the soul than to pray for our adversaries that they might outlive and outshine us, but it is not easy and the revelation of that hour might disappear for many years.

We cannot practise love or any of the virtues outside our encounter with the other. Your spouse, your neighbour, the brother or sister at the check-out counter, the cook in the café, and particularly those who might will us harm.

Vengeance clouds the mind and is a sure step to a catastrophe. It has nothing to do with justice.

It is oftentimes more difficult to forgive ourselves than to forgive those who have trespassed against us. Outside our Creator nobody knows the depth and extent of our transgressions better than I who has committed them. So we continue to unnecessarily punish ourselves and without mercy.

It is a temptation which goes under many names, to dismiss the spiritual insights of those outside our own community of believers, but in so doing we would hold to no account the beckoning call of the Holy Ghost to all His children.

If we cannot acknowledge the Creator in the presence of our brother and sister through acts of charity and mercy, we would have accomplished nothing even if we should have gained the whole world.

Hold no high expectations from people, and particularly from those nearest to you, for similarly to you they are struggling and fighting to survive. This is one of the surest ways to peace, to recollect and to reflect upon our shared moral infirmity. To meditate upon our common brokenness.

It is important to remember the distinction between solitude [which is good] and isolation [which is bad]. Such is the difference as is between angels and demons. There can be community in solitude, but not in isolation.

Do not be deceived by those sleek presentations which promise fast paths to ‘inner knowledge’. In the beginning the path to inner knowledge is strewn with difficulties and it can be offending and brutal. At the start it is not at all comely to look at. Few would want to have anything to do with it.

The search for truth does not end, it starts afresh from a higher vantage point as revelation increases. We must be careful that ‘truth’ does not become our comfortable resting bed.

Belief comes before faith, like prayer comes before the heart which doubts.

Philosophy cannot teach us how to pray or to offer up ourselves as a living sacrifice. But prayer can reveal the truth of philosophy to us.

Truth and interior silence are synonyms. Noise is the great enemy.

Ego and pride will be the last to go. “Who am I?” When you are gone the world will go on without you. Who will weep for you?

Hope is not an illusion or a fantasy. I can place my trust in hope but not in an illusion or a fantasy.

The most useful tears are those that dry like herbs.

Despair, too, like all things, it will pass. It is not who you are, it is a response to those painful things which presently surround you.

To practise discernment is to recognise that alongside the dumbfounding beauty of the world there also exists dreadful wickedness. And then to be able to judge well between the two.

To contemplate upon the great mystery of existence, and to look inwardly to discover that Creation has not stopped. You are aflame with stardust.

Compassion is the key to unlocking the deeper mysteries of love.

Gift your neighbour the benefit of the doubt and a thousand lives will be saved.

One of the great deceptions of our automated world, where people as well as perishable goods are
earmarked with an expiry date, is the dreadful lie of the easy path to peace and enlightenment. These two ways are invariably sold and
packaged together. The reality
is more sobering and gut-wrenching. Most of us know, as if by an inborn instinct, there are no short-cuts to realizing the divine
within. For some of us this struggle
to realize our potential and come to terms with our “faith seeking
understanding” will take many years, if not decades. Anselm knew well what he
was talking about with his famous motto fides
quaerens intellectum.[1]
In other words, “an active love of God seeking a deeper knowledge of God.” And
even after having arrived at this “good place”, where we have touched upon some
little understanding, the struggle
does notend. No one can
fight this most important of battles for us; we are alone to work our way through the darkness untilwe come across one or
two shards of blazing light.
That is, until we go to sleep one fateful night knowingand believing
we would suffer it all again...All of
it… to be at the place where we are at that very moment, when it seemed the
heavens opened up for us alone that we might catch a glimpse of our true name:
“…and on the white stone is written a new name that no one knows except the one
who receives it” (Rev. 2:17).

There is no hidden secret to peace and enlightenment. If
there are any secrets, they are evident ones we all discern and attemptto
put into practice knowing in
our hearts the truth is stumbling upon us rather than the other way
round. Gratia urget nos, “grace
presses on us”. There is a mystic in each one of us: we have all prayed,
or have been dazzled by the stars, or have wept to music. The search for peace
itself is mystical at its core. The problem
is though these ‘secrets’ are plain enough to see, it is very difficult to consistently put them into practice.
These universal truths, sagacious and sensible lessons, have been freely given to us and put down in
writing by the wisdom teachers of our collective
spiritual tradition. I lived by these few simple but life-altering lessons for many years until without realizing, I
gradually abandoned them as I became immersed in the games and intrigues of the
world. When I did begin to understand
once more, it was almost too late. I thought that “I” knew better and tried to resolve the suffering in my life on
my own terms. This is one of the fundamental mistakes which normally goes by
the name of pride and is particularly dangerous for a religious who believes they are practising humility. Of course,
there is and will be, that right moment when it seems the great resolution has
come, but pride would make us blind to the fact that there are strong forces,
even on the outside of ourselves, which influence our decision making and can
often determine the journey ahead. These ‘strong forces’, opportunity or chance for
instance, cannot be ignored nor can they be underestimated for they are always
there. This interplay between the self
and the outside is like the flesh and
sinews which wrap around the bones of the living.

Everything which was good
and peacefulin my life
revolved around detachment, for example, making an effort to remain unaffected by either praise or
criticism. Detachment is not indifference. [2] It is neither apathy nor absence; it
is a dignified and quiet presence. It is from this place of stillness and
self-control that most favourable things will flow. I will talk again about
these lessons later, but they
do revolve around three things: love,
humility, and self-knowledge. Above all else self-sacrificing
love. “Love, and do what you will” are the famous if not scandalous words of
Saint Augustine.[3]
But what he really is saying, that everything we do, should find its first
cause in love: our silence, our tears, and even all that from which we refrain.
Those who genuinely experience
and participate in this communion of Love are incapable of causing intentional hurt to others.
Admittedly, these are idealistic words and few of us will know what it is like
to livewholeheartedly
by their creed. Yet whatever our weakness or frailty, it should not exclude or discourage us from
sharing in the ancient wisdom of such timeless revelations which have from the
beginning been disclosed to the
heart.[4] In the Gospels the “heart” is where
both “good” and “evil” can be stored up
(Lk 6:45) and it is the organ of our spiritual and moral cognisance (Mk 2:6-8).
This is typical of spiritual literature and emblematic of the universal
comprehension of the heart as the place of the subconscious, and seat of the
emotions, passions, and appetites.

One of the enduringly hard questions for those interested in
the religious experience of
humankind[5]
has been: why does it seem that the great religious traditions lead us on
different, if not often times diametrically
opposing paths. Is not all of this hopelesslymisleadingfor our spirit, and can it not ‘twist’ us out
of shape? I will not pretend to
know the answer. All I can do is to share something of my own response as I
have grappled with the question over many years and after having sat at the
feet of some wonderful teachers. In my personal encounters with these wise men
and women from both the desert and the city, I could not help but
observe a discernible parallel in the philosophy of how “good religion” is both
understood and practised. I was profoundly excited
by this “discovery” for though it was certainly no hidden secret and it is
there in plain print in our wisdom literature, it is a lessonthat will not come easy. It is for the individual
soul to wrestle with the revelation. None of this belongs entirely to the
imaginary realm, but it is real like a deep cut to the flesh or the sharp sting
of a red pepper on the tongue.

[2]
If you wish to explore “detachment” at the
profoundly deeper level and its connection to apatheia [‘passionlessness’ or ‘dispassion’] then please see:
Anthony M. Coniaris, A Beginner’s
Introduction to the Philokalia, (Light & Life, USA, 2004).