At this stage, I should be divesting myself of watches. An old fart with a mortgage, I need more watches like I need IBS. Even so, in the past 12 months, I’ve picked up two Must de Cartier Tanks, a brace of Jaegers, another Seiko “Monster”, a TNT… and that’s just what I can remember. So, with abstinence, common sense and fiscal reality in the back of my mind, here are my suggestions for New Year’s Resolutions for watch lovers with no willpower and/or a desire not to sound stupid:

1

I will not criticise brands for being “manufacture”, nor give a pass to brands just because they are manufacture.

Manufacture status ignores the fact that many of the greatest, most coveted watches of all time — pre-2000 Rolex Daytonas, Omega Speedmaster Professionals, Patek Philippe Ref. 1463 chronographs, early Breitling Navitimers, etc — used movements made by outside suppliers. Fact.

2

I will only buy watches that I will actually wear.

This is a codicil to the curse of women who buy many pairs of shoes they will never wear, or men who buy Speedos thinking that they may one day lose their beer bellies.

3

I will stop mocking quartz and electronic watches.

The storied Rolex Oysterquartz Datejust

Now that people are realising that Beta 21s, Rolex Oysterquartzes, certain Seiko diving watches and others from the 1970s are seriously cool in many ways, to dismiss them is to cut one’s nose off to spite one’s face. I just bought a LeCoultre Master Quartz, thus putting my money where my mouth is.

4

I will stop calling over/under straps “NATO” straps.

Tudor correctly avoids calling their fabric straps NATO straps, since the latter term refers to a very specific category of straps

That’s because they aren’t NATO straps. NATOs (or G10s) are specific types of straps issued in 18mm and 20mm widths in grey nylon, and ONLY since 1973. Those stripe-y affairs à la James Bond in Dr No (from 1962 — doh!), the ones made of leather, the straps supplied with current Hamiltons and Glycines and Tudors and Omegas — they have as much to do with NATO as does Vladimir Putin. Get over it.