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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Why I will burn in hell...

We spent this weekend out in western Massachusetts visiting my in-laws at their country house in the mountains. We had a lovely visit, despite the pouring rain. There were water slides and delicious food. My girls were able to spend lots of time with my sweet, sweet nephew whom we all adore.

But you know how I am. This morning I was ready to come home.

On our trip home we travel a stretch of highway called the Massachusetts Turnpike. There is nothing to see. Just trees, more trees, some rocks and then more trees.We are on this miserable boring road for 112 miles. I know that it's 112 miles because I rely on my GPS telling me that we are actually getting closer to home to keep me from losing my sanity from the boredom. I watch the estimated time of arrival, trying to lose minutes and beat the car at its own little game.

At about mile 56 we hit some traffic. I began to mutter under my breath about gaining minutes and the car beating me. The traffic thickened further but then oh joy! It was merely a moving truck in distress driving at about 35 miles per hour. Cars began going around the truck.

Well, most cars.

The car directly behind the truck was clearly driven by someone extremely timid and deranged.

The cars in the right lane would slow down to allow the car in the left lane to pass. The crazy car would ignore the drivers indicating that she should pass. Then as the non crazy driver would give up being nice, the crazy driver would begin to swerve into the right lane towards the passing car causing screeching brakes, honking and swearing.

This happened three times.

Finally the car directly in front of me came to almost a complete stop and allowed the crazy driver to pass.

It's possible that David and I were making rude comments about this driver. The children were watching a movie in the back seat and had headsets on so it's possible, ever so slightly possible that David and I were actually extremely rude when discussing this driver who had managed to single-handily back up traffic on the Massachusetts Turnpike for two miles.

Once we passed the ailing truck I sped up so I could see the @$$&*##$ who was driving.

As our car edged pass, David and I looked at the driver.

Reader, it was an elderly nun. In full habit. A bride of Christ.

I know that Jesus is all forgiving, but seriously? I'd send me to hell too.

Sara, your future all comes down to if your a papist or reformer. If you're a reformer then you have no worries. If you're a papist, you many need to skim some Padrusch Dollars from the girls and buy a few indulgences. God takes anything. He's non denominational.

Yikes! Sorry, but I am worried about your soul. Say one "Our Father" and "Three Hail Marys" and call me in the morning...or, no, you don't have to call me. Really, I think God will forgive you because after all...it's the MASS PIKE we are talking about!