Doctors said that Marsi Tabak would remain in a persistent vegetative state for the rest of her life. With tireless dedication and a warehouse of faith, her husband proved them wrong.

"True redemption is the freedom from preconceived notions and breaking out of the bonds of hopelessness, knowing that the Almighty is with you and making miracles for you all the time," says Dr. Yacov Tabak. He should know. Seven years ago his wife, Marsi, suffered prolonged oxygen deprivation after a heart attack and was given a grim diagnosis: persistent vegetative state (PVS).

But unlike Terri Schiavo's husband, Michael, who petitioned the courts to have her feeding tube removed which led to her death last month by starvation and dehydration, Dr. Tabak and his family have proven that with tremendous patience, tireless dedication and a warehouse of faith, a "vegetable" can return to the human race.

Passover is a particularly special holiday for Yacov. While Jews around the world celebrate the birth of the Jewish nation and God's miracles of salvation through the bondage of generations, Marsi has been on her personal journey from bondage to redemption every day for the last seven years.

As a young married couple, the Tabaks moved from New York to Israel 29 years ago. Yacov, a PhD chemist, made his mark in the field of industrial and corporate chemistry. And Marsi, a literary genius, rose to the top of the Jewish publishing world. As editor-in-chief of Feldheim Publishers, she was responsible for many of today's popular Jewish titles and could see the potential of a manuscript that had been relegated to the scrap-heap, fashioning it into a best-seller.

But all that changed on the morning of November 17, 1997. Marsi was feeling pain in her lower jaw, an indication, primarily with women, of stress on the heart. She went to rest until the pain subsided, but three minutes later, she was no longer breathing. Yacov found her without a pulse. He immediately began CPR and chest massage with one hand, calling an ambulance with the other. Twenty minutes and many electric shocks later, Marsi's pulse returned, "as if God grabbed the Angel of Death by the scruff of the neck and finally threw him out of the room," Yacov remembers. But severe neurological injury had already been sustained.

Within two hours, Marsi's Hebrew name was changed (a way of perhaps changing her original destiny) and a chunk of the Tabaks' savings was given to charity. By the next morning she was still alive, on a respirator but breathing 80% on her own, with the nursing staff reporting a strong will to live.

"Marsi gave me 30 wonderful years," says Yacov. "In fact we met exactly 30 years before, on Thanksgiving weekend, 1967. It was love at first sight, and I'm still a man in love. That morning I knew that it was now my turn to give back. I was going to take care of her, whatever she'd need, whatever it would take."

He was at her bedside every day, speaking to her, encouraging her, but there was no sign of any response. She was in a deep coma. After 10 days in intensive care, Marsi was transferred to internal medicine -- and then she opened her eyes. The family was excited. This was progress. She seemed to be wakeful for a few hours and then fall back asleep. However, during the wakeful time, the neurological team was unable to make any contact. There was no response to standard assessment tests. There was no response when family members spoke. There was no facial reaction whatsoever, just a blank, vacant stare.

Marsi's situation was considered irreversible, the experts agreed, and advised the family to move her to a long-term care facility.

The neurologists didn't leave much room for hope. Although she appears to be awake, they said, she is actually in a persistent vegetative state (a "vegetable," in the vernacular). Anecdotal evidence of patients waking up after prolonged comas are, for them, just that -- anecdotes, not subject to additional scientific evaluation. Marsi's situation was considered irreversible, the experts agreed, and advised the family to move her to a long-term care facility.

Dr. Tabak couldn't bear the term "vegetable" when it was first presented to him, and since the Terri Schiavo ruling, says that some in the medical community have shown an ulterior, ugly side regarding this appellation. "There is a medical agenda with this term," Dr. Tabak contends. "It's very difficult to get emotionally involved with a vegetable. To have a relationship with a carrot goes against human nature. But there is an underlying subtext here. If a person is a vegetable, he can be sliced up like a vegetable for a higher purpose. Perhaps for research, or for organ appropriation. His guardian can decide if he has the right to live or die. If value of life is now being determined by a subjective definition of quality of life, who's to stop hospitals from having a mandatory tissue-type registry for 'vegetables' in case a person with a defined 'better' quality of life needs an organ? This is a steep, slippery slope."

With PVS patients, the cortex, or outer layer of the brain which controls all motor functions, is severely damaged and shuts down. Autonomic functions such as heartbeat and breathing, and even some reflexive eye movements such as tracking objects and tearing, are controlled by the brain stem which is still intact. In the neurological fraternity, the debate continues as to whether the cortex can be regenerated. After contacting numerous families whose loved-ones were said to have miraculous recoveries, Yacov Tabak was firmly entrenched in the second position.

All the proof he needed came two days after Marsi opened her eyes for the first time. Shani Tabak, then 24, was at her mother's side, speaking to her heart. "Mom," she said, "you have to get better. I can't get married and stand under the chuppah without you."

And then Marsi began to cry.

"Then I knew she was with us," says Yacov. "Her hearing was intact -- the auditory nerves were apparently not injured. Her memory was intact, she knew who was speaking to her, and her emotions were intact. That was a pretty good inventory to start with. But our joy was limited by the sudden realization of the great danger Marsi was now in. The doctors could destroy her will to live. I went to her and said 'Marsi, we know you can hear us, we are with you, we're going to help you get well. Now, the doctors are going to say some pretty terrible things that you will hear, things like, 'This patient is a vegetable and has no hope for recovery, we are going to suggest to the family that she be put away in a facility, she'll be a vegetable for the rest of her life…' Imagine if a person hears this and his cognition is intact. It's like a person waking up and realizing he's in a coffin and the lid is being nailed shut. He wants to shout, 'I'm not dead yet!' but no sound comes out. Marsi was in such a state. For the first four months she suffered from cortical blindness, so she not only couldn't move but couldn't even see, and the outside world couldn't hear her silent scream."

The defining moment for any patient to have a fair chance at recovery, says Dr. Tabak, is when the family realizes that the patient is "there." There were other indications as well. As a heart patient, Marsi was hooked up to a heart monitor which the family learned to constantly observe as it was a sort of index of her mood. When she was told her elderly father was coming to visit, her heart rate went up 20 points.

What did the doctors say about this? "They were very nonchalant. 'Now go prove that the heart changes are from a specific outside stimuli and not from some reflex.'" The medical team shrugged off these seeming developments as coincidence and reflex, but Yacov was convinced that his wife was still with them.

"We believed that Marsi was with us, but she was in a state of total paralysis. To look at her, you would think she is in a coma; she is totally unreactive. The facial muscles don't respond. There is a vacant stare. But she can feel. Feelings are not part of the voluntary muscle system. They are automatic like breathing and digesting. But, in order to have feelings, one has to have cognition. In spite of the neurologists' agenda that propagates the idea that 'no one's home', it was obvious to me that in this case they were mistaken. I believe they make this dangerous mistake many times. I am in touch with many families, and I encourage all of them to look for some sign, however small, that there is cognition. I am sure Marsi is not an isolated case."

With this realization, Yacov made a daring commitment. At the first opportunity, he would take his wife home and together the family would embark on her rehabilitation. In the interim, Marsi was transferred to a long-term care facility in Jerusalem, where the watchful eyes of the family made maximum use of every incremental change. Marsi could hear, they were convinced, and she had cognition. How would they teach this once-literary star basic communication?

In the back of Dr. Tabak's mind was the heroic story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, editor of the Parisian magazine, Elle. Brain stem damage left him totally paralyzed; the only voluntary muscle that worked was his left eyelid. He managed to dictate an entire book -- one letter at a time, all with eye blinks -- to his dedicated secretary who painstakingly deciphered his alphabet code. The book was published two days before he died.

Dr. Tabak was ever on the lookout for some voluntary movement, something they could harness to affect rudimentary communication. Then he noticed that Marsi began to move her right leg, however slightly. Two highly-skilled occupational therapists, Judy Wein and Dr. Tamar Weiss, were enlisted to help. Their company, Mishol, works with augmentative computer communication for the severely handicapped. If the patient can move any muscle even slightly, a sensory device is placed there. Then a question is asked. If the answer is "yes," the patient is told to move that muscle. There is an audio feedback hookup, so if the muscle moves, the patient hears the positive feedback as well. This is necessary since reaction time could take up to several minutes due to severe neurological damage and the communicator may miss the answer that was so desperately attempted.

Later, Marsi learned to communicate with eye blinks. But for the first four months she suffered from cortical blindness. The eyes were intact, but the damaged cortex prevented impulses from being registered in the brain. Then one day, her sister entered the room in the care facility and turned on the light. Marsi blinked. She was sensitive to the light! Another breakthrough. When there is prolonged loss of vision, the brain has to retrain itself to see again. There is standard vision therapy for people who have regained their sight after a period of blindness, but for someone defined as a "vegetable," the doctors said, why bother?

Marsi learned to communicate with eye blinks. One of the first words she spelled on her own was "KAFKA."

The Tabaks didn't despair. They brought in their own experts and vision therapy was then initiated. "When someone regains sight, the first color they see is red, so we wrote in red pen, 'Blink' and Marsi blinked. 'Blink twice,' and Marsi blinked twice," Yacov recalls. It took almost a year until Marsi was able to use blinking for basic communication with alphabet scanning. Today, he says that she can read in both English and Hebrew, and her eyes track the page from left to right or right to left, depending on the language.

One of the first words Marsi spelled on her own with eye blinks was "KAFKA." An allusion to Franz Kafka's horrifying story, Metamorphosis, in which a man wakes up one morning as a cockroach, flat on his back unable to move. "We knew exactly what she meant," says Yacov. "A powerful intellect trapped in a body that shut down."

Yacov gives much credit to Dr. Yehudit Luttvack, a speech therapist at Hadassah Mt. Scopus who worked with Marsi while she was still in the hospital. Dr. Luttvack is herself confined to a wheelchair and is extremely limited in movement. Yet she is one of the most innovative therapists in Israel, teaching Marsi how to swallow, against the dire warnings of the neurological team. She saw that Marsi had a good gag reflex, meaning food would not accidentally go down her windpipe and cause dangerous complications, as the doctors feared.

Doctors were preparing for the surgical implantation of a permanent gastric tube from the esophagus through the stomach walls, bypassing the throat to prevent choking (similar to Terri Schiavo's feeding tube) to replace the temporary naso-gastric tube ("zonda") that was installed after the heart attack. But Dr. Luttvack developed a method of serving Marsi food through the mouth without compromising her safety. Today Marsi is served her meals in the normal fashion.

Dr. Tabak felt that the care facility, which was an important interim training ground, was not especially equipped to take unconventional measures to improve Marsi's situation. His personal research indicated that massive amounts of physical therapy might improve neurological regeneration. The facility provided less than half an hour a week, more as a concession to protocol than as a hope for healing. The patients, after all, weren't really expected to get better. Yacov wanted at least an hour every day, but an outside physical therapist was against regulations.

Instead of Prozac, we'll give her love. Instead of more medication, we'll take her home. That will save her from the deep pit of depression."

The family agreed that home was the best option for any chance of real recovery. With a government grant to assist in home renovations, equipment and home care, plus the benefits from various insurance policies, Marsi and her family came home, eight months after the attack. "At that time we took a physician who is an expert in rehabilitative medicine to have Marsi evaluated. He felt that she had full cognition but because she was so severely handicapped, she should be given anti-depressants to prevent her from losing her will to live. I didn't want to burden her already overburdened system with more chemicals, so I presented the doctor with another option: Instead of Prozac, we'll give her love. Instead of more medication, we'll take her home. That will save her from the deep pit of depression."

The Tabaks' married son David and his wife Raphaela moved into the house, and now have two little girls who have a loving relationship with their grandmother. Two dedicated Philippine women ("angels," Yacov praises) give round-the-clock care. Maria, who has been with them since the beginning of the journey, came to them after several potential candidates turned them down. After all, working with a woman who is helpless and doesn't move is a challenge not every caregiver is up to.

One of the most encouraging incidents came the following year, on the eve of Yom Kippur, 1999. Because of her precarious health, she had a rabbinic ruling to eat on Yom Kippur. It was just before nightfall, they had already lit the candles ("We light candles together with her every week.") and Maria had a problem. She could not succeed in serving Marsi food or medicine. Marsi simply refused to cooperate. It was Yom Kippur and she was part of the Jewish people.

Her sister, who lives across the street, was there and, immediately grasping the situation, offered Marsi an acceptable solution: she could eat by "shiurim," small amounts in timed increments, a method used by those who are not allowed to fast but still remain in the category of fasting according to Halacha. Marsi understood and apparently agreed. Maria would serve her three spoonfuls, and then Marsi would lock her jaw until four minutes were up. Maria would try to add an additional spoonful, but Marsi held her own. Yom Kippur is Yom Kippur.

Such incidents help beam light into a slow, arduous and often frustrating process. From where does Dr. Tabak draw his strength?

"When Marsi became ill, I cried several times a day. After a few months, it was once a day, and now I cry every few weeks. It helps relieve the tension. I have to constantly renew my resolve. But mostly, I rely on the Senior Partner. Without God's sustaining presence, I would fall apart. I have no ill-will toward those who have chosen differently, who keep their loved-ones institutionalized and visit them occasionally. To do what I did, you need a strong backbone and fearlessness in going against the medical tide, and most important, dedicated family members surrounding you. But if a person is willing to go that route, he should know one thing: the doctor doesn't have the last word.

"None of the care facility staff ever followed up to find out what happened to us and our 'vegetable.' But I can understand them. From their vantage point, a vegetable has no cognition, so what's there to follow up? And if there is drastic improvement, it's called a 'medical miracle.' 'Miracles' don't interest them because they are not statistical. But I am convinced that Marsi is no different from many other people in PVS who have been misdiagnosed as having no cognition."

In the last week that Terri Schiavo was being starved to death, a CNN television crew traced down Dr. Tabak and filmed the family for three hours. The three-minute clip was shown 12 times over that week. Maria was asked whether she thought the woman on TV with the vacant stare was indeed conscious as her parents contended. "Of course," Maria answered. "I can see it in her eyes. I have worked with such a person, 24/7, for the last seven years."

While the Tabaks are heartbroken over Terri Schiavo, they are equally encouraged by Sarah Scantlin, a 38-year-old woman from Huchinson, Kansas, who began to talk after being in a "vegetable-like" state for 20 years. Scantlin was knocked down by a hit-and-run driver as she was walking to her car and left for dead until someone resuscitated her. For years she could only communicate by eye blinks, one for yes and two for no, and no one really knew if she understood what was being said.

A lot had changed in 20 years. Did she miss it all, as an unresponsive "vegetable"? After she began to talk, it was clear that she had awareness of her surroundings all the time. When her brother asked her if she knew what a disc was (in 1985 the world still played vinyl records), she said she knew it had something to do with music. Dr. Tabak is convinced that somehow the key to what made Sarah Scantlin talk can be discovered and can help unlock the personal prisons that trap so many PVS patients.

Meanwhile, Marsi Tabak is pushing forward at her own pace. After years of intense physical therapy, she can now stand on her own with a walker, after being helped up to a standing position. The next step, says Yacov, is walking, and after that, he smiles, maybe dancing? "I'm willing to wait another seven years, or as long as it takes. Just watching Marsi struggling with the task of standing is to understand what the will to live really means."

And she made good on her silent promise to her daughter Shani. Last year, both Yacov and Marsi Tabak escorted Shani to the chuppah. Marsi was in a wheelchair with an unfocused expression, yet her heart was with her daughter, as teardrops again rolled down her cheek. This time, they were tears of joy.

Visitor Comments: 31

(31)
Sheri,
September 1, 2010 4:21 PM

Thank you for your strength and dedication

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so glad to come across this article again! My mother is considered in a PVS state and it's been 2 years. We believe "she's in there" too and we've heard the same negative things from doctors - with no help. She's been home for a year now and we're all taking care of her with no medical or outside help. We live in a very rural area which appears to be quite a disadvantage for resources. She suffers extreme spasticity with little to no ability for movement. We believe she sees something as we can tell she knows when someone approaches her bedside. She hears noises because she jumps at some. We've not found a "consistency" in any one thing to support cognition and this article again makes me work harder at finding it. God Bless!

(30)
Lori,
December 28, 2009 4:43 AM

My heart is with you

What a heart warming story. I totally understand your struggles and your determination for your wife. My son was in an accident 2 years ago and we were told terrible things, like it wasn't worth keeping him alive; if he made it through the first month, we would be making the decision in a few months to take him off nutrition and hydration........well, we aren't giving up. Each day he gets stronger and when he looks at me I know he is there and fighting to get out. We are in it for the long haul and will do what it takes to get him back. Your story was such an inspiration and added more determination to my efforts.

(29)
Dr. Yacov M. Tabak,
October 2, 2009 2:18 AM

Marsi Tabak z"l has passed away. Prayers should be in her memory.

With great sadness, we must inform the readers of this article that Marsi Tabak z"l - of blessed memory - passed away on the night of Lag BaOmer, the 18th of Iyar 5769, May 12, 2009. May her memory, her struggle of more than eleven years, and her lifetime achievements be a blessing to all. -Yacov Tabak and the Family

(28)
Tanya,
September 27, 2009 6:41 AM

Beautiful

What an amzaingly powerful love story an perfect illustration of LOVE IS A VERB, shame on us who cant overcome less complex challenges , like extending understanding and patience and kindness, forgivemness and caring.

(27)
E. M. Lefrak,
January 20, 2008 6:05 PM

yeshuas HaShem

The sechar of this family must be so tremendous . . . May HaShem give Tova Tikva Machla bas Chaya Bina a refuah shelaima b'karov, b'soch sh'ar cholai Yisroel . . .May the family continue to have the strength to engage in their avodas hakodesh!

(26)
Chana Leiman,
February 19, 2007 9:15 PM

Tribute to the Tabaks

The dedication shown by Dr. Tabak and his family is truly inspiring. May they all be rewarded with a full recovery for Marsi. May HaKodesh Boruch Hu grant her a refuah shelaimah bimheiroh.

(25)
valerie,
February 24, 2006 12:00 AM

hi,your story gives me hope my father had a massive heart attack feb.15,2006 and is now in a coma they are telling me that it doesnt look good and they think he will never wake up from the coma,but when i talk to him his heart rate goes up and he does make movement with his stomach, they tell me its just his reflex to cough i dont believe that i know his still here and heres me he's a fighter and always was.i just pray hes wakes up from the coma and your story gives me hope. thank you

(24)
Anonymous,
December 2, 2005 12:00 AM

what a loving Family

So much you have given of yourselves for one you love.I wish that others in Marci's condition would have protection and find that love also..my love to you

(23)
Yehoshua Kunkel,
November 8, 2005 12:00 AM

She is always on my tefilla list!

Please bring us to date on Marci's progress!
Please give her my personal thanks for the many Feldheim books I have that she shepherded into birth. (Watch that metaphor!) May she continue to be a light to us. Hashem should continue to bless her.

(22)
cynthia,
June 18, 2005 12:00 AM

A Beautiful Story of Faith

Praying that Marsi will recover and believing that miracles still happen everyday in this age. I loved this story!

(21)
Merlock,
June 7, 2005 12:00 AM

Amazing. Truly Amazing.

What else can I say about this incredible story? It gives me the kind of hope that I couldn't have imagined possible. My brother just got word from the doctor that he had permanent eye damage; however, I know wonder, if Marsi can get through this, is it not possible for anybody to overcome anything?

Thank you for this beautiful story. I will pray for Marsi and her family. God bless You all. Amen.

(20)
Ruchy Perlman,
May 30, 2005 12:00 AM

This writing is a lesson in belief, courage, determination. The selflessness of this family is quite amazing. This selflessness should be a zchus for all of you and should bind your wonderful family together. I remember Marsi`s name from her Feldheim editor days. The family support is incredible; the aibishter should send her and all those who need a refuah shelaima.

(19)
KEREN,
May 21, 2005 12:00 AM

TOUCHING AND HIGHLY INSPIRATIONAL, TEACHING US APPRECIATION OF LIFE AND SURVIVAL AGAINST ALL ODDS!

I WAS SO INSIPRED READING THIS ARTICLE. I INITIALLY BEGAN TO READ THIS ARTICLE RECOGNIZING MARSI'S NAME, I GUESS FROM VARIOUS FELDHEIM BOOKS.I AM SO AMAZED AT HER WILL TO SURVIVE AND HER HUSBAND'S AND FAMILY'S SUPPORT,ENCOURAGEMENT,AND PERSEVERANCE AGAINST ALL ODDS AND ALL DOCTORS, THROUGHOUT SUCH DIFFICULT TIMES. I AM TRULY IN AWE OF THEM AND I BELIEVE THAT THIS STORY TEACHES US TO APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF OUR LIVES, WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT PETTY THINGS. THIS TEACHES ME TO APPRECIATE MY CHILDREN AND FAMILY AND ALL THE GOOD THAT THE A-MIGHY HAS BESTOWED UPON US. LET US LIVE EVERY MOMENT TO ITS FULLEST, THANK G-D FOR ALL WE HAVE (THE GOOD AND THE BAD, SINCE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT IS ULTIMATLY FOR OUR BENEFIT). MAY WE CONTINUE TO GET CLOSER TO THE BOREH OLAM (THE CREATOR), AND HIS ULTIMATE MISSION FOR US. I KNOW THAT READING THIS ARTICLE HAS INSPIRED ME TO BE ABLE TO DO SO, MAY OTHERS DO THE SAME!!!!
REFUA SHLEIMA TO TOVA TIKVA MACHLA BAS CHAYA BINA AND YASHAR KOACH TO MR. TABAK!!! THANKS TO MRS GINSBERG FOR WRITING THIS ARTICLE!!!

(18)
jerome m. ziegler,
May 17, 2005 12:00 AM

Marvelous tale

A splendid family- that it the last word; all it takes to make civilization is a family like this one.

(17)
Kathryn,
May 4, 2005 12:00 AM

thank you, but one small correction

Thank you - I can't tell you how much it means to hear about people like those who have rallied around Marsi. I found this article through a link at a Catholic apologetics site, and I'm neither Catholic nor Jewish. How's that for a broad base of support? I'm heartened that people who cherish life and who see disabled people as human beings are more and more putting aside their differences and fighting for helpless people. (I can't believe what we have to fight against these days!)

(16)
Anonymous,
May 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Well done Marsi - you go for gold !

A few years ago my Mum suffered a severe stroke and thank Gd through her determination and tenacity she is fighting ahead despite her disabilities ... in a recent exchange she patiently gestured to my friend ... who thought my Mum was telling her her hair looked nice and she kept guessing ... no the colour is the same ... no I have not had it cut, it is not any longer and no it is not permed - my friend kept patiently guessing ... until Mum started humming the "wedding march" and my friend immediately understood it as a reminder to collect her veil she borrowed me - I smiled with tears at her courage and strength - her patience with us, who dont think out the box because we dont need to. My Mum has also embarked on a weight loss programme and she is unable to read the book and needs help but again her determination is so admirable, I love my Mum she is an outstanding lady - Marsi you do humanity proud - Yaser koach to you and your family.

(15)
Michael S. Jeffers,
April 30, 2005 12:00 AM

What A Wonderful Thing Love Is

It's such a blessed thing, love. These people Marsi & her husband, they love very much. Their love keeps them. G-d keeps them. Their love keeps them.

(14)
CARL SHAWN,
April 29, 2005 12:00 AM

INSPIRED ARTICLE

YOU CAN'T IMAGINE THE EMOTIONS I FEEL AS I READ THIS ARTICLE.I AM A BEDRIDDEN(FOR NOW), RESIDENT OF A NURSING HOME.I LIVE IN THE INSTITUTIONAL WORLD DESCRIBED IN THE AITICLE.I AM CRYING TEARS OF JOY TO KNOW THAT I LIVE IN THE SAME WORLD AS MARSI AND YAKOV.WHAT A BLESSING!

(13)
Eunice Cowan,
April 29, 2005 12:00 AM

Sensitve.loving..God is control

K was blessed by this account and will think often of it.

(12)
Anonymous,
April 28, 2005 12:00 AM

i cannot imagine any doctor would be so callous as to compare a comatose patient to a carrot. the term vegatative perhaps sounds like a person is being compared to a salad ingredient but they are not. it is only slang that has created the term "vegetable". doctors must prepare people for the worst. if doctors were overly optimistic and expressed a belief that every case will become a miracle they would be barraged by lawsuits from all of the families that did not get their miracles.

also remeber, terri schiavo's case is wildly different. she showed no hint of recovery for many years and scans of her brain showed that it had been replaced widely by fluid. there has yet to be a miracle so great as to bring someone's brain back from that kind of damage.
most comas last less than three weeks and among those miracles who wake up after six or more months the majority are accident victims with frontal lobe damage. the great majority die on their own wihtout having to have a tube or a plug pulled.

the real trajedy of terri schiavo is that she was made into a circus side show act by the legal battles her parents and husband fought. instead of their family coming to some quiet concensus like normal people they decided to take her out into the spotlight and make her a target for the christian right and their supposed "pro-life" campaign.

marsi is fortunate to have a loving family who have stood by her in what must be difficult conditions. they care for her as she cared for them once upon a time. instead of thinking of the media circus of terri schiavo perhaps we need to think about those in marsi's condition who do not have the love of a family or the benefit of quality medical care to see them through their ordeal.

the real irony of the terri schiavo case and the hoopla surrounding it is that there are those who die from a curable condition because they are not priviledged enough to have medical care. so much noise for a woman who would not have wanted it and so little for those who truly need it. exactly those politicians who showed so much care for terri are currently doing everything in their power to stop the spread of health insurance to low wage earners.

(11)
julia w,
April 27, 2005 12:00 AM

The Almighty - the Master of the world

During my time as a Jewish Chaplain in a hospital for severely ill children I was humbled to witness the following. "Chava" is a beautiful child, who suffers from a rare genetic condition. At one stage in her life, 6 years ago, she was lying in a coma in the intensive care unit and the doctors had told her loving parents that "Chava" would not live beyond 24 hours. Needless to say, they were distraught. They told me about this and G-d put into my mouth words to comfort them. I pointed out that the 24 hours had passed by 4 hours ago and I asked them to think of the number of minutes that was - a long time - . The parents derived some comfort from this. Thank G-d, "Chava" is now enjoying her life and the doctors voiced that the recovery must have happened through a higher force.

(10)
Aisling LaBauve,
April 26, 2005 12:00 AM

I applaud Dr. Tabak

How nice to know that in a world where so much emphasis is placed on instant gratification and selfishness, Dr. Tabak chose to rely on the love of G-d and the deep and true love (also something not seen enough these days) he holds for his wife and who holds that same love for him. G-d blesses us with doctors who can help to heal us but that doesn't mean He steps out of the picture and leaves us to deal with adversity on our own. Judaism provides us with a way of living that allows our physical bodies and our souls to listen to each other and work in concert, if only we're willing to listen to G-d, live our lives with love, and keep hope close.

(9)
Jeffrey Dworin,
April 26, 2005 12:00 AM

One key difference

This is an excellent story that speaks of human faith and will. One important omission was that Michael Schiavo tried unceasingly for five years to find the same kind of hope for his wife Terry, and only "gave up" after everything he tried failed.

(8)
Anonymous,
April 26, 2005 12:00 AM

Carrots Don't Cry made me weep!

I accidently came across the .aish website via a link from http://www.terrisfight.com while doing a report for my Critical Thinking class. I have been greatly touched and moved by the articles at the aish.com website! This article (Carrot's Don't Cry) touched my heart so deeply that I wept huge tears!! Another article called Hunting For Rainbows was also heart touching. Fr. Bennedict Grochel, PhD, (N.Y.) (EWTN's Sunday Night Live) and Pope John Paul 11 have both encouraged me, as a Christian, to seek the wisdom of the Jewish faith. Today I have begun that journey. I feel that I was not presented with the teachings of the Jewish people while I was growing up in America and I have missed out on so much good. What I have read on your website today, regarding the ethics and the respect for the dignity of life, and the enduring love of this man for his wife, and her for her family, was profound. I am looking forward to learning much more about the Jewish people. Thank you so much!! Cordially, Sunny

(7)
Alex Talkar,
April 26, 2005 12:00 AM

Outstanding Courage

I believe Yacov has outstanding courage and All Mighty's support resulting in what everyone see's as a miracles today.
We will surely pray for Tova Tikva (Marsi's)comlete & speedy recovery. Anna refava Aanna.
Many thanks to Rachel Ginsberg for writing such a heart touching article

(6)
Yehoshua Kehati,
April 26, 2005 12:00 AM

Torah Sustains the Jews!

My wife has been doing bikur cholim for years; my derivative association tells me 100% the Tabaks are right; the medical establishment - from MDs down (or up?) has little clue about the neshama and Hashem's desire that we live. (And, I think, they somewhat resent His "intrusion" into "their turf", so to speak.)
Please give me Marsi's full Hebrew name (and her mother's) so I can include her in my tefilla. Also, Yaakov's name & mother's name.
At 77, I never cease to thank Hashem and ask for His rachmanut for all Yidden.

(5)
A Cooperman,
April 26, 2005 12:00 AM

Even from the short medical hx's the two cases are VERY different.

With Marsi you are talking 4 months 7 years ago. Terry went into coma 15 years ago. In those intervening seven years the medical profession made giant leaps in technology and treatment. Michael did all that could be done for 7 years and saw no improvement inher condition. Marci's husband saw positive change after only 4 months. The last 6 3/4 years have been spent in therapy with measurable improvement. When are we all going to let Terri rest in peace and Michael get on with his life?

(4)
Dr Michael Chong,
April 25, 2005 12:00 AM

I understand

I climb mountains and I thought I was brave, till one day, I was told one of my sons suffer from mild autism. Since then it has made me realize though we may come to think of courage as climbing a mountain, running a marathon or sailing the four seas, though these activities do embody courage. They all lack the essential quality of repetition where the end is often uncertain. So reading your article has given both me and my wife much hope Yakov, because from your courageous example, you have shown us the meaning of true courage; that is when we human being simply do the things which needs to be done and to do so with a firm believe G-D will always be with us always.

Thank you very Yakov for your gift.

(3)
Dotty Stein,
April 22, 2005 12:00 AM

Marsi's mom Bea, of blessed memory, was my first cousin. I'm Dotty, Miki's sister, who is now married to Harry, Marsi's dad. I didn't really get to know Marsi in her growing up years, but through Miki I did get to know Marsi and her delightful personality when I visited Israel. We spent some time together and in that short time she made me proud to have her as a cousin. For the past 7-1/2 years I've been getting updated reports about Marsi's condition and hope that one day she'll again invite me to her beautiful home for another delicious lunch prepared by her. Yakov, I applaud you for your persistence and belief. The world has a lot to learn from you.

(2)
Dora Camp,
April 20, 2005 12:00 AM

My book is being released soon, Brainstorming-Life After Acquired Brain Injury

My husband, Dr. Norm Camp had a heart attack on Dec. 31, 1996 and suffered brain injury as a result. My story is very similiar to yours.

(1)
Laya,
April 19, 2005 12:00 AM

a beautiful story

Thank you Rachel Ginsberg for an incredible and inspiring story. Thank you Dr. Tabak and family for demonstrating dedication in a way that no one should be tested. Thank you Marsi Tabak for showing us how precious life is even at its most difficult. My prayers are with you for a complete refuah (healing).

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...