SENIOR Q&A: We all grieve differently

By Debbie Gitner and Linda Sullivan, Daily News Correspondents

Wednesday

Feb 14, 2018 at 9:31 PMFeb 14, 2018 at 9:31 PM

Q: I lost my mother one year ago and I was doing okay until the one-year anniversary. Now I feel I have stepped back to the few days before her death, the day she died, and the feelings after her funeral. I understand it is the one year anniversary of her death but is it normal to have such intense feelings; I thought after the first year the loss would not be as painful.

A: Everyone grieves differently and the one year anniversary is an important marker. You have now experienced all holidays, birthdays, and other family events without that important person in your life. However, the loss is still there and the sadness is there also. Sadness is normal at different times of the year. When it becomes a problem is when it affects work, your ability to function, to focus, and to enjoy your life. Then it is time to talk with your primary care physician and consider joining a support group or seeing a therapist. The stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Acceptance occurs when your emotions stabilize and you feel that you will be okay without the person in your life. You are not alone to feel sad about your loss. Many people grieve for a long time – you miss your mother.

Q: My father has extremely poor eyesight and he still manages his pills. He is putting his pills in a pill box but I have caught some mistakes. Any suggestions on keeping my father independent?

A: We have a few ideas. One thought is to have your father sort the pills on a black cloth. The pills stand out especially white or clear pills on a black cloth. Use a good desk lamp when sorting pills. Purchase an extra large pill box. For over the counter medications purchase a Spot N’Line Pen in fluorescent orange color. The ink comes out as a liquid and dries hard. For over the counter meds such as Tylenol write Tylenol on the bottle with the florescent orange ink or the letter T on that bottle. Some pharmacies deliver medications in a bubble wrap system; all daily pills are in one bubble wrap or punch wrap container that needs to be pushed out. The pharmacist fills the containers not your father. Your father still needs to be able to read day of the week and time of day. Some of the pharmaceutical companies that deliver medications use a cassette rather than bubble wrap and that may be easier for your father to see. The cassette is larger and more like an extra large pill box. Again the pharmacy places the pills in the containers so your father is no longer sorting out his medications.

Q: My mother has Parkinson’s disease and it is becoming more and more difficult to understand her. She has a low voice that sometimes comes out gravely or soft. Any suggestions?

A: Speak with the primary care or neurologist about a Speech Therapist consult. The Speech Therapist can assess your mother and put together a program of exercises. Ask your mother to take a deep breath before she speaks so the words come out more clearly. Have your mother practice using her voice by reading aloud or even singing. Also, have your mother stand in front of a mirror to practice facial expressions. Facial expressions can also be affected by the disease and by standing in front of a mirror she can practice her facial expressions. When your mother is talking make sure there is no noise in the background such as television or radio. If your mother is going to go to a party or be in a room with a lot of people have her rest her voice prior to the event. There are vocal amplifiers that can be purchased if it becomes a more severe problem.