sex (lack of...)

First of all, I don't want to come across as inconsiderate. It has been 3 months since the last time I had sex with my wife. She tells me that I am selfish and that I don't care that she hurts down there and just doesn't want it. I have explained that any physical attention would be nice but I'm still being an ass.. Any suggestions on how I can get her to be in the mood? I have tried everything. Talking just starts a fight... I know it's frustrating for both sides.

First of all, I don't want to come across as inconsiderate. It has been 3 months since the last time I had sex with my wife. She tells me that I am selfish and that I don't care that she hurts down there and just doesn't want it. I have explained that any physical attention would be nice but I'm still being an ass.. Any suggestions on how I can get her to be in the mood? I have tried everything. Talking just starts a fight... I know it's frustrating for both sides.

If she is hurting, chances are that you wont get any at all (the pain, is keeping her mood out of the window)

FIrst, say sorry (I am serious as that one word can mean alot)... then give her back rubs and foot massages, once she doesnt hurt anymore, then she will remember all the good and will rock your world.... As it stands by your post, your leading into a disaster (given your sn if you are military, then you should be used to (or get used to) 6 months to a year and half of no pleasure from deployments)

If she is hurting, chances are that you wont get any at all (the pain, is keeping her mood out of the window)

FIrst, say sorry (I am serious as that one word can mean alot)... then give her back rubs and foot massages, once she doesnt hurt anymore, then she will remember all the good and will rock your world.... As it stands by your post, your leading into a disaster (given your sn if you are military, then you should be used to (or get used to) 6 months to a year and half of no pleasure from deployments)

I think you're screwed (perfect pun eh?)! My wife and I got it on some at the end of the 1st trimester and a decent amount in the 2nd trimester, but only twice in the last trimester and that was mainly because she read it can induce labor :)

I think they are just sooooo uncomfortable in the last trimester that sex is probably the last thing on their minds. It takes my wife 20 minutes to get comfortable in bed at night and five minutes just to stand up so I can see their point.

Bad news is you have a long way to go to. Six week minimum after the kiddo arrives.

Anyhow good luck!

I think you're screwed (perfect pun eh?)! My wife and I got it on some at the end of the 1st trimester and a decent amount in the 2nd trimester, but only twice in the last trimester and that was mainly because she read it can induce labor :)

I think they are just sooooo uncomfortable in the last trimester that sex is probably the last thing on their minds. It takes my wife 20 minutes to get comfortable in bed at night and five minutes just to stand up so I can see their point.

Bad news is you have a long way to go to. Six week minimum after the kiddo arrives.

I get in the mood, when DF has cleaned for me or given our son a bath without asking. Anything to take some of the load off because I literally can't think about sex until everything is somewhat picked up by the end of the night and our son is in bed. So to have help because he cares to take some pressure off always helps DF get lucky.

I get in the mood, when DF has cleaned for me or given our son a bath without asking. Anything to take some of the load off because I literally can't think about sex until everything is somewhat picked up by the end of the night and our son is in bed. So to have help because he cares to take some pressure off always helps DF get lucky.

i'm gonna be honest with you, my spn is 8 weeks old, my dh and I have tried to have sex twice, it hurt too bad to even think about "good" sex, ie: neither of us got anywhere (sorry tmi) we also had sex maybe 4 times my whole pregnancy cause it hurt like a b!tch from the start, that was one of the first signs that made me think I was preggo, dh was really patient during the pregnancy cause I had horrible morning sickness and had my appendix out at 17 weeks, I was exhausted and achy the whole 9 months. now he is getting impatient which I totally understand. we had a nice long talk last night and I thought he understood why I wasn't feeling it (beyond the god-aweful pain) and when we went to bed he still wanted to try. I just rolled over and he said "you have no heart." ouch! just don't tell her that, and have as much patience as you can.

i'm gonna be honest with you, my spn is 8 weeks old, my dh and I have tried to have sex twice, it hurt too bad to even think about "good" sex, ie: neither of us got anywhere (sorry tmi) we also had sex maybe 4 times my whole pregnancy cause it hurt like a b!tch from the start, that was one of the first signs that made me think I was preggo, dh was really patient during the pregnancy cause I had horrible morning sickness and had my appendix out at 17 weeks, I was exhausted and achy the whole 9 months. now he is getting impatient which I totally understand. we had a nice long talk last night and I thought he understood why I wasn't feeling it (beyond the god-aweful pain) and when we went to bed he still wanted to try. I just rolled over and he said "you have no heart." ouch! just don't tell her that, and have as much patience as you can.

It sucks but it seems to go with the territory unfortunately. Try to find some alternative way to have some intimate connection with your wife ... For the past couple of weeks I've been giving my Bride lots of extra attention rubbing her feet and sore legs, and rubbing lotion/oil on her belly to help keep her skin flexible. At the very least I get to spend some time looking at and touching her beautiful body. Get a good mental picture for later if I need it. ;)

Just set your expectations in your mind that it's not going to always lead to sex (sometimes it may though) and you'll be fine. The way that I feel is that even if our sex life isn't as active as it was before we got pregnant, at least we can enjoy some intimacy and communicate with each other. We both know each other is having a tough time, and we're both taking care of, and trying to understand each other as much as possible.

I truly feel that as difficult as this time is, we'll be a stronger couple and family for persevering through it.

It sucks but it seems to go with the territory unfortunately. Try to find some alternative way to have some intimate connection with your wife ... For the past couple of weeks I've been giving my Bride lots of extra attention rubbing her feet and sore legs, and rubbing lotion/oil on her belly to help keep her skin flexible. At the very least I get to spend some time looking at and touching her beautiful body. Get a good mental picture for later if I need it. ;)

Just set your expectations in your mind that it's not going to always lead to sex (sometimes it may though) and you'll be fine. The way that I feel is that even if our sex life isn't as active as it was before we got pregnant, at least we can enjoy some intimacy and communicate with each other. We both know each other is having a tough time, and we're both taking care of, and trying to understand each other as much as possible.

I truly feel that as difficult as this time is, we'll be a stronger couple and family for persevering through it.

Not to make you feel bad or anything but I got approximately 6 times during the pregnancy (wife was put on bedrest for 3 weeks and after that she was tired all the time from working, doing chores and taking care of our daughter) and I was home late from working overtime to get more money.

After labor, exactly ten times. First was 5 (five) months after delivery. We used lubed condoms coz she was still sore down there although she had c-section. Last one was about two weeks ago (my baby is now 15 months old). So go figure the frequency.

But, on the plus side, I love playing with Jack-Jack. She's getting cuter and I can interact with her now, and that's a great consolation from not having as much sex as before. I have decided to work from home now, so now it's me who's tired most of the time and just want to crash on my bed after taking care of our daughters (oldest is 4 year old) and she comes home and takes over.

We're planning to put our kids with her Mom and have our second honeymoon next month before we try for our third. Maybe I get lucky and our one week honeymoon would be loaded with great sex!!! If not, it's still nice to have one week with only her.

Sorry if this seems to be TMI :pPeter, husband to Michelle

Not to make you feel bad or anything but I got approximately 6 times during the pregnancy (wife was put on bedrest for 3 weeks and after that she was tired all the time from working, doing chores and taking care of our daughter) and I was home late from working overtime to get more money.

After labor, exactly ten times. First was 5 (five) months after delivery. We used lubed condoms coz she was still sore down there although she had c-section. Last one was about two weeks ago (my baby is now 15 months old). So go figure the frequency.

But, on the plus side, I love playing with Jack-Jack. She's getting cuter and I can interact with her now, and that's a great consolation from not having as much sex as before. I have decided to work from home now, so now it's me who's tired most of the time and just want to crash on my bed after taking care of our daughters (oldest is 4 year old) and she comes home and takes over.

We're planning to put our kids with her Mom and have our second honeymoon next month before we try for our third. Maybe I get lucky and our one week honeymoon would be loaded with great sex!!! If not, it's still nice to have one week with only her.

Sorry to butt in on dads corner but I can totally understand where your coming from! I'm 6+ months pregnant with son #2. I have a three yrd at home. I don't work but I do take care of everything since my DH works out of town 3 weeks out of the month. I understand the tiredness of pregnancy especially when you have so many other thing going on but I see it as even tho I'm usually totally exhausted and don't want him to touch me. It's literally 5-10 min of my time so I just deal with it. Haha. I think more women should as well. It keeps him happy and really it's the least I could do. That bring said between me and you she should suck it up an take one for the team haha. Good luck from a very tired mom :)

Sorry to butt in on dads corner but I can totally understand where your coming from! I'm 6+ months pregnant with son #2. I have a three yrd at home. I don't work but I do take care of everything since my DH works out of town 3 weeks out of the month. I understand the tiredness of pregnancy especially when you have so many other thing going on but I see it as even tho I'm usually totally exhausted and don't want him to touch me. It's literally 5-10 min of my time so I just deal with it. Haha. I think more women should as well. It keeps him happy and really it's the least I could do. That bring said between me and you she should suck it up an take one for the team haha. Good luck from a very tired mom :)

I am starting to be able to relate. I am 5 months pregnant and up until last week we were having sex 3 times a week with no problems. I have recently noticed the tissue inside me feels to be changing and sex is not the most comfortable. I have explained this to my husband who completely understands. What's funny though is last night when I said I was going to run a bath because I was tired he jumped up to run my bath and when I went into my bathroom there was candles lit, classical music playing and my towel and robe laid out for me. I couldn't wait to get out to give him a blowjob so I could make him feel as good as he made me feel. My point is, these unexpected things he does for me makes me want to make sure my husband is looked after even when sex might not be an option. It's a win win for both of us.

I am starting to be able to relate. I am 5 months pregnant and up until last week we were having sex 3 times a week with no problems. I have recently noticed the tissue inside me feels to be changing and sex is not the most comfortable. I have explained this to my husband who completely understands. What's funny though is last night when I said I was going to run a bath because I was tired he jumped up to run my bath and when I went into my bathroom there was candles lit, classical music playing and my towel and robe laid out for me. I couldn't wait to get out to give him a blowjob so I could make him feel as good as he made me feel. My point is, these unexpected things he does for me makes me want to make sure my husband is looked after even when sex might not be an option. It's a win win for both of us.

Im a ftm and have found the times of day I'm in the mood are totally different too, afternoons rather than night is more appealing which means only weekends... Also try an oil back rub might bring back some intimacy for her and show your being understanding of her discomfort

Im a ftm and have found the times of day I'm in the mood are totally different too, afternoons rather than night is more appealing which means only weekends... Also try an oil back rub might bring back some intimacy for her and show your being understanding of her discomfort

I can relate, to both the lack of intimacy and the need to blow off steam. My fiance is 25 weeks and thus far weve only had sex literally 6 times. We went from 4-5 times a week, to now once every 4-5 weeks. She had a terrible first trimester, and couldnt stand to smell me, see me, etc. when she put a body pillow inbetween us in bed it made me REALLY start to wonder. Intimacy for us has been limited to intercourse, no foreplay, no touching, etc. i know it is her way of saying thank you and basically taking pity on me, but i understand. She is really uncomfortable and doesnt feel sexy/pretty/etc. Im thankful for the things we do get to do and hopeful for a return to somewhere near "normal" after the baby. Until then, i do what i can to make it easier on her, after all, she is doing the real hard work. Moral of the story, she knows, she feels bad about it. Dont bring it up, itll only upset her. At some point she will feel better, and remember all the nice things you did. Hang in there. Youve obviously been through worse, and thank you for your service!

I can relate, to both the lack of intimacy and the need to blow off steam. My fiance is 25 weeks and thus far weve only had sex literally 6 times. We went from 4-5 times a week, to now once every 4-5 weeks. She had a terrible first trimester, and couldnt stand to smell me, see me, etc. when she put a body pillow inbetween us in bed it made me REALLY start to wonder. Intimacy for us has been limited to intercourse, no foreplay, no touching, etc. i know it is her way of saying thank you and basically taking pity on me, but i understand. She is really uncomfortable and doesnt feel sexy/pretty/etc. Im thankful for the things we do get to do and hopeful for a return to somewhere near "normal" after the baby. Until then, i do what i can to make it easier on her, after all, she is doing the real hard work. Moral of the story, she knows, she feels bad about it. Dont bring it up, itll only upset her. At some point she will feel better, and remember all the nice things you did. Hang in there. Youve obviously been through worse, and thank you for your service!

Wow. Thanks for posting that. That sounds almost exactly what my Wife and I are going through right down to the body pillow between us. It's good to have some reassurance that it's not just me.

I've had a tough couple of weeks emotionally, but I know it can't be anything like what my beautiful Bride is going through with our twins. Must keep reminding myself that and making the most out of the contact/communication that we are able to enjoy.

Wow. Thanks for posting that. That sounds almost exactly what my Wife and I are going through right down to the body pillow between us. It's good to have some reassurance that it's not just me.

I've had a tough couple of weeks emotionally, but I know it can't be anything like what my beautiful Bride is going through with our twins. Must keep reminding myself that and making the most out of the contact/communication that we are able to enjoy.

I can tell you that being supportive to her and keeping my own support system in place has helped a lot. Keeping a close friend on speed dial to blow off steam, having quality alone time, and enjoying what things we are able to do has helped me through, thus far. Of course that is not fool proof, we have argued a couple of times about sex/intimacy, because she felt as if i was making her uncomfortable about it, making her feel bad about it. Certainly never my intention, but i can see how after weeks of wanting to have sex, things may slip out wrong.I dont know where you are in your pregnancy, but i was "assured" it gers better, almost 180 degree change in the second trimester. Not so for me. Her sense of smell has either dissipated, or she is trying not to make me feel bad about it, and because se feels "fat, round, ginormous" etc, physical intimacy hasnt really changed, and has even become painful for her. I dont blame her for not wanting to, so, ill make due until we can hopefully return to normal. I wish you all the luck in the world with the twins. Feel free to write me if you need more reassurance that were all going through similar trials and tribulations.

I can tell you that being supportive to her and keeping my own support system in place has helped a lot. Keeping a close friend on speed dial to blow off steam, having quality alone time, and enjoying what things we are able to do has helped me through, thus far. Of course that is not fool proof, we have argued a couple of times about sex/intimacy, because she felt as if i was making her uncomfortable about it, making her feel bad about it. Certainly never my intention, but i can see how after weeks of wanting to have sex, things may slip out wrong.I dont know where you are in your pregnancy, but i was "assured" it gers better, almost 180 degree change in the second trimester. Not so for me. Her sense of smell has either dissipated, or she is trying not to make me feel bad about it, and because se feels "fat, round, ginormous" etc, physical intimacy hasnt really changed, and has even become painful for her. I dont blame her for not wanting to, so, ill make due until we can hopefully return to normal. I wish you all the luck in the world with the twins. Feel free to write me if you need more reassurance that were all going through similar trials and tribulations.

Thanks again for the reassurances, and yes, does sound so familiar. It is hard to keep our emotions under control when we guys are climbing the walls with our own hormones, working on it and trying to be a better man for her.

So far, I haven't gotten the vibe from her that things hurt in her from sex. Matter of fact she seems to enjoy it almost as much as before she got pregnant, with the only exception of not being able to maneuver quite so well with her baby bump ... And what cruel twist of fate makes a woman look so sensuous and beautiful to a man when she is feeling her least sexy and wants nothing to do with us? :)

Thanks again for the reassurances, and yes, does sound so familiar. It is hard to keep our emotions under control when we guys are climbing the walls with our own hormones, working on it and trying to be a better man for her.

So far, I haven't gotten the vibe from her that things hurt in her from sex. Matter of fact she seems to enjoy it almost as much as before she got pregnant, with the only exception of not being able to maneuver quite so well with her baby bump ... And what cruel twist of fate makes a woman look so sensuous and beautiful to a man when she is feeling her least sexy and wants nothing to do with us? :)

my husband likes to give me massages. he sometimes uses lotion. he never says he wants sex just says he wants me to relax and enjoy. at first im never in the mood but will never turn down a back rub. never fails by the time hes done im jumping his bones. sometimes he wont let me until hes done with the massage. jerk lol. jk

my husband likes to give me massages. he sometimes uses lotion. he never says he wants sex just says he wants me to relax and enjoy. at first im never in the mood but will never turn down a back rub. never fails by the time hes done im jumping his bones. sometimes he wont let me until hes done with the massage. jerk lol. jk

Theres a book called Five Love Languages it's a great book in general and can give you ideas to make your mate feel loved and receive the love you need... It may open communication doors without stepping on toes. Plus maybe if your mate realizes that you need physical touch to feel loved, they'll try to accommodate you.

Theres a book called Five Love Languages it's a great book in general and can give you ideas to make your mate feel loved and receive the love you need... It may open communication doors without stepping on toes. Plus maybe if your mate realizes that you need physical touch to feel loved, they'll try to accommodate you.

Personally my Husband can't keep up with my sex drive here recently and when he is in the mood I'm not. If it is hurting I please him so that he doesn't have to suffer just bc I am. I'm sorry I think that is kinda selfish on the womans part. I'm sure most won't agree with me but that's how I feel! trust me I'm in minutiae trimester so I know all about not being the mood or whatever I guess I'm just different

Personally my Husband can't keep up with my sex drive here recently and when he is in the mood I'm not. If it is hurting I please him so that he doesn't have to suffer just bc I am. I'm sorry I think that is kinda selfish on the womans part. I'm sure most won't agree with me but that's how I feel! trust me I'm in minutiae trimester so I know all about not being the mood or whatever I guess I'm just different

Your DH is one lucky man then! I'm a frazzled SAHM of 3 children under the age of 5 and when I was pregnant with my last we rarely did the deed. I was exhausted, in pain, and all around cranky- I just wanted to sleep! Luckily my DH is very understanding and it makes me love him that much more to be so considerate towards me. If a woman is uncomfortable and in pain, then I don't think she should be putting out. Every pregnancy is different. My first two I had sex as normal but my last pregnancy was completely different, I ached and hurt everywhere. To the OP- this will pass, I'm sure she feels terrible about it I know I did. I felt like I was letting my DH down. I would do what the PP's said and just know that this is temporary.

Your DH is one lucky man then! I'm a frazzled SAHM of 3 children under the age of 5 and when I was pregnant with my last we rarely did the deed. I was exhausted, in pain, and all around cranky- I just wanted to sleep! Luckily my DH is very understanding and it makes me love him that much more to be so considerate towards me. If a woman is uncomfortable and in pain, then I don't think she should be putting out. Every pregnancy is different. My first two I had sex as normal but my last pregnancy was completely different, I ached and hurt everywhere. To the OP- this will pass, I'm sure she feels terrible about it I know I did. I felt like I was letting my DH down. I would do what the PP's said and just know that this is temporary.

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