The Primal Wound

This is the third rail of adoption. The wound denied and celebrated by adoptees. Created in infancy,a narcissistic phase, by the separation of first mother and child, this experience is the foundation of many adoptee problems.It manifests itself as shame, vulnerability, feelings of isolation, disconnectedness and makes trust difficult. Form Nancy Verriers Comming Home to The Self; "People with narcissistic injuries are concerned for the most part only about themselves. THis may be very deceptive because there is a perception that they are interested only in others. They are great rescuers. This is often a projection, "I need rescuing therefore I will rescue." Many of you have opbserved the person who is doing things for other people. The question is; Is he doing it for others or is he doing it because he needs others to like him? If it is the latter then it is being done for narcissistic rather than altruistic reasons." I have this experience in my own life. I have been abandoned twice, once by my foster mother and also by my first mother. All of us are effected differently by this experience. ITs important to understand that this is an affective event, remembered as an affective memory, often a painful one. It is painful to explore and thats what makes it hard to overcome. We re-experience shame and grief whenwe open ourselves to it. Many keep it hidden because its just too painful to explore. In my experience it can be overcome, the experience can be owned and strength can be drawn from it. In that case we become better people, more sensitive loving and considerate to others. ITs a long road and not an easy one to follow. More about this later