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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Heroes and Villains

Heroes and villains -

Live life long enough and one is guaranteed to experience
the disappointment of being let down and personal disillusionment. I can
confidently say that people (from all walks of life) will let you down, as they
have done me, but none hurt more than those to whom you have once heralded as a
hero.

“I am of certain convinced
that the greatest heroes are those who do their duty in the daily grind of
domestic affairs whilst the world whirls as a maddening dreidel.”―Florence Nightingale

Our lives are intrinsically linked to role models, peer
pressure and authority figures from our earliest days. It’s as much a part of
life as the air we breathe. For most of
us, these experiences serve to strengthen our character, melding ones view of
the world. From an early age, I was drawn to idols of screen and TV. The lone
ranger, Batman, Superman, The man from UNCLE , Simon Templar, Bobby Moore and a
whole host of pop stars and sportsmen.

Those heady years of school provided more challenging role
models; as It’s one thing viewing heroes from a distance and yet another
standing face to face with them on a daily basis, (where the flaws and cracks
are seen and felt personally). Admiring
someone from a secure vantage creates a false perspective, and in reality the
truth can be quite shattering.

Barely a week passes by without news of yet another high profile
icon being disgraced. Celebrities, politicians, world leaders, sports stars,
financiers, bankers etc. The list increases and with it the gap between
tolerable and intolerability shortens to become the norm. Humanity desires a hero and in the absence of
such (historically), will fashion its own, albeit with feet of clay.

So why do heroes let us
down?

Unrealistic
expectation

The moment we deify an individual to superhuman status, we
place an unrealistic expectation on the person and the outcome. Having trust in
an individual is very different from superimposing ones expectation upon them.
Projecting ones hopes onto an unrealistic outcome is fraught with challenges,
and those challenges are likely to disappoint.

Gift Blinded

Talents and gifts are no indication of an individual’s
character and integrity. I admire talented people and actively support the
arts, but I don’t seek life counsel or advice on my car from a singer. As a
public speaker and life coach, I well understand the influence that a
microphone can bring to an individual or crowd. Its seems that these days “celebrity”
turns a talented trades person into “a subject matter expert” on almost every
conceivable subject known to man. Appreciate and encourage the talent, but keep
things in perspective.

As a youth growing up in the club scene, we used the term “beer
goggles”, to describe the heady influence that alcohol had on ones view of the
world. The louder the music, darker the lights and the more we drank, the more
attractive the clubbers got. Waking up the next day would often bring us down
to reality. Group dynamics have a way of creating confidence in individuals,
and fanaticism often ensues creating impulsive responses that seem like
confidence, but in real terms is an emotional response that can create an
untrue perspective.

“Change the way you look at things and the things
you look at change.”―Wayne
W. Dyer

Transference

As a pastor, I am often in the situation where an individual
has placed an incredible trust in me, by sharing personal and often
confidential information. The expectation placed on me is quite sobering and
requires clear communication as to the nature of the support and individual
responsibility we jointly share. Placing an un-announced expectation on someone
else creates a relationship based on the wrong foundations. Because we are able
to help people through a crisis, does not make us superhuman or a hero. I stand
in the gap on behalf of people, but I am not their god.

Vulnerability

We are most open to influence at a point of crisis.
Statistics show us that there are 5 stages in life where ones stress levels are
highest.

·Death of a loved one

·Divorce

·Moving

·Majour illness

·Job loss

It’s at these phases in life that con-men ply their trade
and become most active. Some years ago, I recall a parishioner telling me of
being bombarded by visits to the house and phone calls by complete strangers
trying to sell her some measure of stability and comfort. These “chancers” had
seen the death notices and saw it as an opportunity to pounce. They smelled
vulnerability and moved in for the kill.

It’s at times of vulnerability that a simple individual can
appear like a hero. Whilst we may well appear as a superhero to someone at some
point in our lives, were not! We are merely individuals with an opportunity to
help someone in need. Heroes at some point will let us down and become villains.

Coaching 4 Life Blog

About Me

I enjoy bringing the best out of people and being a part of a global family. I operate Coaching 4 Life ltd and travel as an itinerant Pastor and support worker in most aspects of leadership development.
I have traveled extensively to speak @ conferences, congregations, leadership seminars, businesses and coaching clinics. Most recently, my focus has been in the education sector, providing quality control, workplace assessment, academic and curriculum development.

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