I am many things. Student, progressive thinker, award winning columnist*, slayer of occult demons**, and 3rd runner up for Mr. Somalia. But one thing that I'm not is singer Billy Ocean. Billy posesses the ability to order women to exit his own dreams and enter his car. I've tried this, and frankly it doesn't work. When I shout at a woman on the street, "Hey lady! I've been fantasizing about you for the past week. Perhaps you could enter the back of my car and realize my own secret desires?"
That kind of thing just gets you wierd looks, laughs, and restraining orders. Damn it. Well, looks like I'm gonna have to ask my buddy Paul in the school's chemistry department to hook me up with some choloroform, so I can have a happy Valentine's day.

* Grandma gave me a gold star and a cookie once...

** 'Martin the Mummy Masher.' Perhaps you've seen my syndicated show on UPN?

Grand Theft Auto III
Stupid Mafia. Just because I killed Don Salvatore, that's no reason to get so vindictive.

In the PC:

Vampire: Redemption
I suck. (Get it? It's FUNNY!)

Assorted Nonsense

Bubblegum Crisis has gratuitous nudity in the last two episodes.

If that's not a reason to watch a show, then I don't know what is.

There aren't enough women in the world named "Wonda." I'm just saying.

Hello, Chesh:

IN order to challenge myself...to further my
skills to get more Q&A letters noticed, I will write
this Letter While eating.. of course..thisss may
hinder my writing ability as I'm tryi ng to type while
eating, of cousre marring my grammer...then aghian I
COULD proofread, as I always try to do when writing
things...however, for the sake of getting myself
noticed I will not...Hold on.... (munch munch
munch)...Anyway, Here are my questions:

1. I noticed there are not any good Front mission
sites that are actually on par with quality content
and updating. How would you envision Front Mission 4?

2. I was certainly impressed with FFX. Firstly, in the
beginning...the heavy metal music..probably the only
realm Uematsu has not explored fully...BRAVO! A very
good job.

3. When will people learn?

Thank you for youe time...mmmm. That was good. I'm
sorry I couldn't give you any. Forgive me.

-Starsickle "Nil bayers dars legus?"

Cheshire Catalyst:
We mustn't be afraid to test our limits. (Last night, I tried writing without pants. Now, I'm going for a similar effect by doping myself up on four straight episodes of Fruits Basket and a bottle of Dimatapp. The grape flavor is soooo tasty.

1. It would need to maintain the same elements that made FM3 a good game. Good tactical battles, an interesting plot, and characters who get angry over EVERYTHING!
2. FFX has some sweet music, and that's all I have to say about that.
3. They'll learn. But by the time they do, it'll be far, far too late.

Just a quick comment on your RPG-anime transfer comment. While I admit that Final Fantasy Unlimited gets repetitive (anyone who's seen it
will know why) it isn't as bad as people say. I personally think it's better than the original Legend of the Crystals OVA, and even the Movie. I can't
really say anything about Arc the Lad, seen neither game nor anime. But there's another one that people seem to have forgotten about. Star
Ocean EX. Personally, I'm impressed by the way this transfer has gone. While there has been a few liberties taken, which is expected, SOEX
has gone surprisingly well so far. And of course, SOEX has one thing that no other RPG-anime has, Ashton! Everyone loves Ashton! To heck
with Claude, Ashton should be the main character!

SpoonyBard

Cheshire Catalyst:
Granted, making a better anime than "Legend of the Crystals" isn't really that hard. Also, at best, the Final Fantasy movie was an average sci-fi flick.
Got a few reccomendations for Star Ocean EX, however. Maybe we'll get the incredibly skilled VAs from the video game for the English version. Gotta love Claude's "Mother..." whenever he faints in the beginning of the game. God, Claude, even Justin from Grandia wasn't THAT bad.

Blitzball will be in the next olympics, provided each nation can supply us with 5 people who can hold their breath for 10 minutes.

FFX Spoilers Nigh, Suckas!

hi, i think FFX is the best game for PS2 yet, but i have a question about it. When you go to a save
sphere it usually says save or play blitzball (if you became the champions) but after i "killed" Mester
Seymour Guado at the end of the first (ever) battle against him I CAN'T PLAY BLITZBALL
ANYMORE!?!?!?! is that just because of where i am in the story of the game or is that because i didnt
win enough matches in blitzball?

THANKS !

Cheshire Catalyst:
There are periods in FFX where you're unable to play Blitzball. Eh, it's a plot thing. Just keep wading thorugh the plot, and the option to play will be opened up again.

Quickies

I decided to play through Xenogears for the second time, but I have a couple of catches. I'm gonna play it at home instead of on the black &
white TV I brought to work, I'm gonna do it without any game shark or anything, totally legit, and here's the real kicker...I'M GONNA TRY TO
KEEP TRACK OF THE STORY. I already decided that if I can't manage this, I'm going to condemn myself to playing WCW Thunder for an hour
every night for a month. Believe me, Russian spies should use that when torturing CIA agents instead of shoving reeds under their fingernails or
whatever they do.

Robust Stu

Don't blame me if the Black and White TV gives the entire game some sort of bizarre 50's sit-com feel to it. I can see it now. Fei returns to his own Levittown home to greet Elly. Fei's wearing a plain brown suit (though it's hard to tell in grayscale), and a fedora that he hangs on a door peg. He's plenty tired after a day of slaying Deus and everything, and he's eager to meet his kooky red-headed wife. (Again, grayscale, I know.)
"Honey! I'm home!"
Elly walks in her pre-Mary Tyler Moore dress with an anxious look on her face.
"Elly," Fei asks, "What comic mischief have you engaged in while I, the man of the house, was out earning a living?"
Suddenly, Bart and Maria run screaming out of the kitchen as a beast made out of nanites munches on the remains of Rico.
"Waaah!" Elly cries, "I'm sorry Fei. I was making a casserole for you, but I accidentally added Nanotech probes when I should have added eggs! Wahhhh!"
"Oh Elly! I love you anyway!" (Cue the giddy theme song.)

No matter how many silly accidents she causes, Fei will never leave Elly. Two reasons, actually. One, his only other choice is Alice's corpse somewhere in the charred remains of Lahan. Also, Fei's completly expendable in the bedroom department. He already suffers from utter inadequacy when he compares himself to Elly's telescoping 'rod.'

"Why not? I don't have anything to lose but my life. . .and I got that for free!"

Setzer, of course, in FF6 when he joins your team.

-Draconius

Ding Ding! ~ Tilde for the first right answer!

Dear Mario,

For tomorrow's column, I've got a couple topics for the readers to write in about.

First, in recent news, we see that Enix is postponing development of Dragon Quest 8, meaning it will be quite a few years til we see the game.
In contrast, Squaresoft usually only lets a year or two sit between each of its Final Fantasies. Keeping both of these examples in mind, how
long do you think a company should wait before releasing a sequel to an RPG, and why?

Second, partially related to the first topic, though many games have sequels, many other games do not. Tell me which deserving RPG you'd like
to see continued with a sequel or spin-off of some kind.

And Mario, though you probably get this a lot, what unreleased game are you looking forward to the most right now?

Thanks,
Aegis

I'll leave the first two questions for ya'll to answer tomorrow. What game am I looking forward to the most? Let's see...

In the RPG department, I'd suppose the Arc the Lad collection. It looks like fun, and depending on the reviews, I may have to pick it up next time I get some cash.

But overall...

"State of Emergency" Made by Rockstar games, the folks who brought you GTA3. Let me ask you something. Did you ever do something specificaly to piss someone off? Say your friend hates it when you snap your gum. Because your friend freaks out over this small detail, you do it over and over just to tease him and to get a kick out of his goofy reaction.
I'm pretty sure that's what Rockstar is doing with us right about now. They released Grand Theft Auto 3, an incredibly fun game all about glorification of criminal activity. Naturally, there was a bit of an uproar. Parents moaned, teachers were horrified, moral watchdogs denounced the game, groups with words like "Family", "Children", and "Values" wrote long dissertations about how this game was not only indicative of, but also caused a downward spiral in "Traditional Values" (Whatever the hell they are.) So what does Rockstar do?
Snap snap.
Here comes "State of Emergency." Basically, a game about all the fun that can happen in a mass riot. Mass killings, looting, etc. etc. All the good stuff. Provided it makes a good game (pissing of Laura Schlisinger, while fun, isn't enough), I'll be picking it up.

The Last Laugh:

If you don't send letters to Aegis RIGHT NOW, I'm going to have Macho Man Randy Savage comeover to your house and beat the crap out of you with his walker! Do it now!

chesh
"Fall Creature! And Feed the Earth!"@rpgamer.com
Bit of a departure on this one. Easy, if you've played the game though.