2011-12-22

Seeing through friends

Something I've become interested in of late is seeing my friends in less flattering conditions. I mean when they're tired, exhausted, empty. How do they react when their patience runs low, when they can't think quickly anymore, when their minds go blank.

I think it's kind of important. Most of my new friends only know me as up-beat, optimistic, bouncy, and sometimes a bit witty. I'm not comfortable being less with them. They get a nice, fun facade and are politely barred from things that trouble me, my fears, me when I just want to give up. I don't want to bother them. I don't want to tax them. I don't want to bore them. I don't want to exhaust them. I don't want to share the lows, but I want to see them in others.

There was a while where I showed too much to some people, perhaps. When I was drained, I drained them too. My patience tired, and it did not tire gracefully. It's catastrophic letting that happen, so I don't any more. I don't abuse old friends who I expose myself to now. I'm inspired a bit by the persistent interest from a few friends in my well-being even despite reported lows. I think my presentation of and perspective on them helps make it more palatable, more something normal, that a friend can actually care about. Not a helpless situation.

It helps having a lazier perspective about a lot of stuff, giving up on things that don't matter, and giggling at scary things. I want to see how other people handle that state, whether they get short like I used to, whether they shut down, or whether they flop mentally and physically. Experiments, commence!