May 12, 2019

That I am not perfect,
that I am very far from perfect-
I am task-oriented, impatient, exacting, hard, harsh
I try to be better than my worst self,
But in trying I will fail

But I will try to love them
including the following ways:
By collaborating as a parent
By listening to their side
What they want to say
Giving them autonomy
When it’s age appropriate
Even if they may be slightly under ready
That we can talk things through
And ultimately I will let them try

That when they are ten, eleven, twelve, we can sit down and consider together
Independence
Family
Respect

And when they are fourteen, fifteen, sixteen,
We can revise these

And again when they go to university

By the time they graduate they’ll be adults
And I hope I will be able to treat them as such
And ask for forgiveness if I take time to get it right

I hope I will have the balance of holding space,
Yet breathing on my own

May 4, 2019

2. Slow oven roasted poulet en papillote, courtesy XT’s mother-in-law. Pretty yummy too, except I prob have to up the carbs in future. Six slices of sweet potato were not enough.

3. Chicken rice, because John got older. Possible only because mom took care of E while I chopped and smashed my way through various ingredients, using and washing and reusing various pots and pans. Unbelievable that in Singapore, I can stroll over to any hawker and get myself a decent plate in five minutes. Hitherto unappreciated miracle.

4. Tonight- salted baked mackerel with rice. Let’s see how it goes.

_

Since Jan, I’ve been washing my hair once a week, and then not with shampoo but after a diy hairmask. My scalp used to itch after a day of not washing; it doesn’t anymore, which is a great feeling. However, hairgrease has been an aesthetic issue; my hair somewhat clumps in thicker strands now, which means my scalp is exposed and I look like I’m balding. Maybe I really am, but assuming it’s the clumping, i can’t decide if I should go back to regular hairwashing. But Arizona’s water is so gross. I’m thinking maybe in November, because the new baby would have been out for two months by then, enough for me to look like a haggard cave monster, in need of a sprucing. Also, it’d have been seven months since hair colouring then, def time for a change. I mean, it’s already fading as it is; gross.

April 27, 2019

Just adding a quick separate post to say that I’m really enjoying e at 16 months. Need to find a good childcare for him. Heard bad reviews about trinity, so contacted another place tonight. Hopefully they have space.

Glad also that my marriage is one that can sail even during rougher waters, and come through. Hopefully we’ll always be like that.

April 27, 2019

3. Butter shoyu chicken. Not too bad, but I put too much honey. And why are recipes recommending boneless chicken?? Those are a travesty.

4. Potato minced pork stew. I haven’t tried it myself, but mom said it was nice but too salty. Oops I knew I was too generous with the fish sauce.

5. Tomorrow- the usual pasta, but with panfried salmon in butter shoyu and mushrooms added on top. Hopefully j doesn’t scold me for the third week running about the size of the salmon because his friend really is coming down this weekend. And hopefully it turns out nice.