Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Honest to John

Ever since I was little, I have been plagued by insecurity.
I know what you’re saying, “Todd, you don’t seem insecure,” to which I would
reply, “Are you calling me fat?!?” I can remember being in elementary school
and just sitting by myself because I wasn’t as good at making friends as the
other kids and I didn’t feel wanted by those around me. In high school, I spent
a large portion of my senior year sitting in solitude writing my screenplays or
books or short stories. Even in college when I went through difficult times
adjusting to my first relationship, I felt alone in sorting out my issues. But
the fact of the matter is, for my entire life, every time I felt unwanted by
the world and unnoticed by those around me, I had the music of The Beatles, in
particular the songs of John Lennon, to keep me company and soothe whatever
pains were aching.

My childhood friends...

Today is the 30th anniversary of John Lennon’s murder. And while you
can find a million articles and videos on the internet dedicated to lauding his
gifts to the world with anthems about peace and love like Imagine, Give Peace a Chance,
or All You Need is Love, I’d like to
talk about his affect on me as a person. Despite my love and admiration for
these anthems to and for the people and the world, I always felt more connected
to John’s more personal songs because of his willingness to reveal his true
self, a quality that I can not only relate to, but try and emulate in all of my
writing.

After he met Bob Dylan, John was inspired to write from a more personal place,
no matter how raw and revealing the outcome was. From this inspiration came
songs like Nowhere Man and Help! and in his later career songs like
Woman and Jealous Guy. In these songs, John beautifully and bravely exposed
his weaknesses and his wants to the world:

“Doesn’t have a point of view, Knows not where he’s going to,

Isn’t he a bit like you and me?”

Sometimes we all need someone to lean on.

“But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.”

“Woman I know you understand,
The little child inside the man.”

“I was feeling insecure,
You might not love me anymore.”

It was this type of writing that drew me to John as my
favorite Beatle and kept me comforted in all of my moments of solitude. While
many songs can complement happiness with a bouncy tune or fun lyrics, songs of
loneliness, angst, and insecurity can make someone enduring those emotions feel
not so alone and help them survive to a better state of mind. For all of us who
have gone through tough times, knowing that others have felt the same
way—especially when those “others” include the great John Lennon—goes a long
way to changing someone’s mindset from sorrowful to strong.

Strawberry Field
Liverpool, England

One of my favorite Lennon lyrics is from his song Strawberry Fields Forever where he sings, "No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low." John's explanation of the lyric is that he knew he didn't relate with anyone, but he wasn't sure if this was because he was a genius or just crazy. And how do any of us know if we don't put ourselves out there?

I’ve had people tell me they can’t believe the things I say or admit to on this
blog or in person. The fact of the matter is that I don’t have a choice. The
reason I felt so alone so often in my life was and is because I don’t
communicate well on the surface level with other people. Many humans connect over
things like occupation, race, religion, or even something like sharing a favorite
sports team or hometown. Small talk such as “How is work?” and “Did you have a
nice weekend?” is lost on me. Because I don’t define myself by any of these
things, I like to dig deeper to find out what people are really about, and in
return, I like to show them the true me.

The Cavern Club
Liverpool, England

This openness takes a lot of courage because people can
often misinterpret or simply dislike blunt honesty, whether it’s because they
don’t like the idea of someone being so free with their thoughts or because
they simply don’t like the thoughts themselves. But being that, in my mind,
there is no afterlife, the only way to survive and be remembered in this
universe is with what and who you change or affect here on earth. If I don’t express
what’s inside me, no one will ever know what it is. Sure, they may not care,
but I have found if you truly are honest about who you are, you will find a lot
of people who say, “Me too!” who may not have had the courage to admit it
otherwise. I know because I would never have been able to accept myself if
it weren’t for John Lennon.

3 comments:

I was at lunch today and listening to Come Together with my roommate in the car and told her that that song and I am the Walrus, changed my life. Before then it was all Dre and Snoop and Techno. It was the summer, prob June, I was 15 years old about to turn 16, oh and about to have a kid. Those songs made me go deeper into his stuff and see things differently and become the person I am today. I am not perfect, but neither was John

As an artist, the genius of Lennon was his ability to connect with people through his music. Good art makes you feel. GREAT art embeds universal truths to make many people, with disparate experiences and multivariate backgrounds, feel. It is a hard, hard thing to do. But great music, great books and great blog entries succeed in this. You're not an idiot after all.

My personal favorite:

"Imagine there's no Heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people Living for today."