Wild turkeys, initially introduced to the Bay Area in the 1980s for hunting, are reportedly destroying Marin County and the Bay Area by defecating everywhere, pecking away at homes and their roofs, and tearing up lawns.

A Democratic state assemblyman from California has announced a bill that would require the State Board of Education to develop a curriculum that will “ensure that all California students will learn about how the Russian government conspired to influence the United States Presidential Election to elect Donald Trump.”

To buy peace with climate change activists after the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) determined that oil fracking does not poison water, President Obama has signed an executive order tripling the size of the Farallones National Marine Sanctuary, just north of San Francisco. The order bans oil drilling in the area Obama renamed the “Greater” Farallones National Marine Sanctuary. The move is merely symbolic, since there are no oil reserves in the area.

After facing slew of criticism from his neighbors in Marin County over plans to expand Skywalker Ranch studio for a third and final time, George Lucas has opted instead to turn his plot of land into subsidized housing, in what many of his neighbors are calling payback in the form of class warfare.

The bomb squad, hazmat, police, and firefighters flooded an upscale Novato neighborhood Friday morning after discovering explosives in a Marin County woman’s car. A further investigation of the home she lived in with her little girl, which ultimately led to her arrest, revealed she owned 87 explosives and had ingredients to make a bomb.