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Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Finished

I’m currently engaged in a building project, trying to
cobble together a new home for myself on the altered landscape of my life. Almost
every day, someone -- a friend, family member, or delivery driver, asks some
version of the same question. “Are you finished?”

This isn’t a post about my suite, so I’ll spare you the
details, but the short answer to the question is no. I paid for the basics and
am completing the rest myself, which I knew would be a long process. I did expect
the rough-in to be finished less than 6 months after the estimated completion
date, and I didn’t expect the electrician’s work to fail multiple inspections,
requiring a series of long waits for him to return. But I digress.

Finished. The word has been echoing in my head. No, my suite
isn’t finished, but many other things are, or at least appear to be.

The married-to-Dan phase of my life is finished. Obviously,
it ended the day he died, but I was surprised at the extent to which the moving
process reawakened the grief. I left the last home I will have ever shared with
him; a house that was full of memories which swirled around me and kept me
hanging on to the ethereal threads of the relationship. There’s a stark finality
to moving. This is new. The old is gone.

The reawakened grief of widowhood in turn reawakened grief
for lost dreams. As years of illness followed one after the other, I gradually
released the idea of returning to mission work full time, but I still clung to
the hope of someday accompanying Dan on his yearly trips back to Peru. Will I ever
minister overseas again? Will I minister
outside my own home at all? Is that
phase of my life finished?

After decades of illness and living a mostly home-bound
life, it’s easy to wonder what my purpose is. It’s easy to feel worthless. The
voices of the culture and in my own head whisper that I, myself, am simply
finished.

It’s a lie. I remind myself of that. I’m still alive, so I’m
not finished. God may call me home in 30 years or 30 minutes, but in this
present moment, there’s a purpose to my life. My mind knows that. My heart
tries to believe.

As I ponder these thoughts while I work on my suite, it occurs
to me that “finish” has multiple meanings. I put a finish on the floor. I use
finishing nails to apply trim.

When used in this way, the word does mean that one phase of
a project has been completed. It’s completed, though, so that the item can
fulfill its intended purpose. It’s a completion that marks a beginning.

Among the tangled jumble of thoughts that the word “finish”
prompts, three simple truths float to the surface.

1. Earthly experiences will eventually end. Joyful
things end, but painful things also run their course. Sometimes they run their
course here on earth, and sometimes our relief will arrive in the age to come. God
says in Revelation 21 that in the day when God’s home will be among his people,
death, sorrow, crying, and pain will all disappear forever.

2. Some things have no end. God has no end and our
relationship with him surpasses time. Among the things that the Bible tells us
last forever are God’s presence with us (Hebrews 13:5), his plans and purposes
(Psalm 33:11), and his love (Psalm 136:1). 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that faith,
hope, and love will endure when other things, which seem important now, fade
away.

3. Painful experiences, which are often related to
unwelcome endings, can make us feel finished, used up, and discarded. Maybe,
though, they are part of the process of putting a “finish” on us which can
beautify us and make us more useful for service. An ending can help equip us
for a new beginning.

God, please give us your peace as we navigate painful
endings and accept human limitations. Help us to remember the difference
between things that are temporal and things that are eternal and to focus our
time and energy on the things that will endure. Use us in whatever way you
choose, and apply whatever “finish” you need to apply to better equip us for the tasks you've prepared for us. Help us to be strong, so that one day, we can
say, as Paul did in 2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have
finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

You don't know me, but I subscribed to "Sharing Air" about 2 years ago. I identify with much of your writings and deeply appreciate them. Ever since I was a tiny child, I wanted to be a missionary or to serve the Lord in some capacity. I never made it to another country (I'm in Canada), but I was very active doing outreach work, teaching children and mentoring other women in their Christian walk.

Then I became disabled with Chemical Injury - and life drastically changed. I was devastated. I thought I had disobeyed the Lord in some way, and that God had set me aside and no longer wanted to use me. I thought I have been discarded as a vessel not fit for the Master's use. As I poured out my heart to God in prayer, He comforted me with these verses:

Isaiah 41:9b-10 And said to you, ‘You are My servant, I have chosen you and not rejected you. ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

And John 11:4 But when Jesus heard this, He said, “This sickness is not to end in death, but for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by it.”

For almost 30 years, I have walked a tight rope between life and death. Psalms 116 has become my testimony, because so far, the Lord has always delivered me from death. I have a deep sense that the Lord still has work for me to do, and that my work for Him is not "Finished". I would really like to connect with you. If you are interested, you can contact me through my web site: www.hrni.ca

Martha, have you considered writing a memoir? You probably know that the children's book industry is growing and that nonfiction picture books are very popular. I envision either a children's book or a YA book featuring a character w/ MCS.

I don't know of such a book. And writing is a solitary use of time, as you know.

Anyway, I'm glad to see a blog post from you. I hope your home is finished soon and wish you peace and send you love.

Thanks,Glenda. I do have a lot of potental book projects rattling around in my head, but they're going to have to wait until the house projects get done, or at least get done enough that I can have my final inspection and get my Certificate of Occupancy. Regarding a children's book with a character with MCS, I did know of a series, written by a young woman named Ashton (or maybe Afton.. My memory is truly awful). Unfortunately, at the moment, I can't remember either the names of the books or Ashton's last name. I think the books were self-published, and, unfortunately, Ashton passsed away, so I doubt the books are very easy to come by now.

About Me

My family spent most of the 1990s serving in Peru as missionaries. During our time of service, my health deteriorated to the point that I could no longer continue to live there. Small exposures to a wide range of chemical triggers caused many symptoms, including debilitating pain. The condition is known as MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivity). I was also eventually diagnosed with Lyme Disease and mold poisoning.
Part of the missionary task is identifying unreached people groups. After returning to the states and becoming part of the MCS world, I came to see that people with MCS belong in that category. We’re largely unseen, but there are a significant and growing number of us and we’re shut out of most churches and Christian gatherings.
MCS has taught me a lot of lessons about the chemical hazards in common, everyday products and I’d like other people not to have to learn those lessons the hard way, like I did. I’d like Christians to take the issue seriously, both for their own sakes, and the sakes of others who are currently shut out of most churches because of product choices others make. This issue matters greatly to those of us with MCS. I think it matters to God, too.