From Lovers To Friends: Can It Be Done?

You know you've said it, or have had it said to you, in the midst of a break-up: "Let's just be friends."

Most of the time, it's a fairly empty statement, a way to mitigate the blow of the "it's over" for both parties. But once in a blue moon, you really do mean it: let's be friends.

The progression from friendship to romance is a natural one. But what about the reverse?

Can you really successfully downgrade from lovers to friends?

It's a question I asked myself as my boyfriend and I became exes over a lively dinner, at the end of which we decided we didn't want to lose each other — we'd carry on as friends, genuine friends, best friends. It's not that we don't like each other, we agreed, it's that we just can't be a couple.

In looking at other real world couples I know, my theory is yes, it's possible to recast your romantic relationship as a friendship. For a myriad of reasons, you weren't right together as a couple, but you just have too much in common, or too much fun together or know each other too well that to blindly wander the earth apart would be silly. There's just a few things to consider as you start the transition and a few safety measures worth taking if you want to avoid what you have managed to avoid up to that point in the relationship — real heartbreak.

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You're thinking of moving ...

... and hoping the distance will naturally end the relationship. "No, honey, don't bother moving across country with me (even though you could). We'll just do long distance," said no happily committed person ever.

Similar to this guy's story, you're desperately hoping that the other person will simply stop calling at some point if you make a pilgrimage somewhere else ... anywhere else.

You've launched an ambitious self-improvement routine.

Gym attendance at an all time high? Check. Finally lost that spare tire? Check. Sudden new interest in grooming when you didn't care before? Yup. The act of eyeing the door has launched you off the couch and back into looking-for-a-mate fighting shape.

Public displays of affection suddenly annoy the hell out of you!

Do you find yourself flinching (or even wanting to scream) every time your paramour plasters signs of their devotion all over your Facebook wall? Have you given up on commenting in hopes of "not encouraging it"? Have you locked your social media accounts to prevent posts by others?

Since you started pulling away, your partner has redoubled their efforts to win you over in ways that you're starting to consider deeply pathetic.

You've restarted a time-consuming hobby (for some alone time).

Suddenly, there's no time like the present to re-ignite your long-dormant personal goals. That popsicle stick model of the Eiffel tower (to scale, of course) that you started in 8th grade suddenly demands you finish it.

You've stopped making decisions that protect your relationship.

You've solidly rocketed yourself right into IDGAF (I don't give a f*ck) territory when it comes to making decisions. You no longer care whether the other person is irritated, pissed-off or inconvenienced by anything you do. In fact, you welcome their displeasure, since in a small way it gets the message across that you're done.

You've delivered the "you're too good for me" speech.

In a futile effort to drive them far, far away, you've had that talk that goes, "Dah-ling, I'm a senseless disaster (fill in your own adjectives) who could never, ever be as nice to you as you are to me. I don't want to tie you down/hold you back/dull your shine."

... and hoping the distance will naturally end the relationship. "No, honey, don't bother moving across country with me (even though you could). We'll just do long distance," said no happily committed person ever.

Similar to this guy's story, you're desperately hoping that the other person will simply stop calling at some point if you make a pilgrimage somewhere else ... anywhere else.