SODOM-ON-HUDSON — In the wake of Trumpitler's inauguration counter-revolutionary coup d'état, Democratic National Committee inner party leaders last week convened an emergency conference to discuss tactics and strategy in these frightening and chaotic times. During the closed-door event the inner party determined that last year's electoral failure was caused by ineffective and insufficient propaganda messaging, and redoubled efforts along that front with a new and improved programme for the re-education of all outer party members, who are now directed encouraged to report to their local commissars immediately at their earliest convenience.

"Decades of lies, agitprop, and lying agitprop have failed,” explains new DNC Minister of Propaganda Communications Director Ibrahim Bahir al-Trashcani in an introductory video. “If we can't trick… No? I can't? Dupe, then? No? Hoodwink? Deceive? Bamboozle?… Ah, I see. Excuse me…" (clears throat) "If we can’t convince the deplorables to vote for us, then we won't be able to finish Dear Leader’s—alayhi as-salām—fundamental transformation of America into the sharia-law worker's paradise of the glorious world of Next Tuesday™. And that's un-American. Or maybe it's American. Is Americanism un-American now, or is it the other way around? I can never remember. We should’ve formed another committee to clear this up."

An advance copy of the new re-education syllabus has been leaked to obtained by the Pravda-Hudson Times, which includes the following topics:

The Constitution: How to kill a living document

Grassroots Action: Funding and planning spontaneous protests

Guns: How to define them so we can finally ban them

Marching for Justice: Holding the patriarchy accountable for things they haven’t even done yet

Campaign Management: How to rig primaries and debates without getting caught

It is believed that with these mandatory suggested re-education courses, outer party members will be armed with the tools to provide deplorable proles with goodfacts and to combat the cancerous spread of real alternative facts.

Oy Vey! Times are tough at the DNC. An excellent synopsis of the problems at hand for the Democrat alt-fascists. With Socrates -on-the Potomac aka Uncle Fester aka Joe Biden gone, things are bleak. It may be left to Obi Wan Nairobi to save Earth. As usual, there's only one place to begin.

At least they had the foresight to keep the riffraff away from the real meeting.

"On Wednesday evening, Sen. Brian Schatz (D-Hawaii) led a wine and cheese reception, then Democrats went to a presentation about Harper’s Ferry called “September Suspense: Lincoln’s Union in Peril. Democrats did not allow reporters to attend."

The Constitution: How to kill a living documentComrade, is not "kill" a harsh word for the abortion termination of the document? Perhaps there can be a more positive term ... say, "laying to rest"? Or "defusing"? Or perhaps our ever-successful-in-academia "deconstructing"? All under the rubric of Constitutional Health, brought to the kollective by Planned Constitutionality?

Since posting the above, I have been thinking getting in touch with my feelings about this Constitution document, and I believe feel that we do not want it to die but to continue living and growing and being carefully shaped toward The Good -- much like bonsai or topiary. (Can a photoshop-gifted comrade perhaps create an image of a bonsai or topiary Constitution?)

So I now propose that we adjust the bullet point to something like "How to prune and trellis-train the Constitution." And I further propose that a new bureau be created to monitor this ongoing development: the Department of Constitutional Health (DCH). Later, when it reaches Cabinet status, engulfing two or three other bureaus in the process, it can be renamed the Department Of Unified Constitutional Health Efforts (DOUCHE).

As always, I selflessly volunteer to establish and staff this bureau, with the assistance of my cronies friends and my sisters and my cousins and my aunts.

Comrade Diaperette, those are all wonderful, doubleplusgood suggestions. According to DNC Executive Order No. 6, all suggestions for improvements to party doctrine must be submitted, notorized and in quintuplicate, using Form 437–R2; just cross out where it says 'assault-weapon ban' and write in 'suggestion'. Your completed forms can be sent to the following address:

Our brave French komrades in glorious EUSSR are learning from the mistakes of their "British" remoaner traitor freedom fighters , no "We are not French ,We are European" banners ,(as the foolish "British" remoaners flew ) .No they fool the racist/nazi/fascists by flying not only the stinking glorious EUSSR flag but the Tricolour too ,by doing this it appears that they believe the long awaited feared Frexit will be prevented .If only our "British" komrades had realised that shouting "racist/nazi/fascist" at anyone carrying (or near) a British Union flag ,would be taken as offensive or traitorous & push the British people towards voting for Brexit ,I'm sure they wouldn't have done it.

[progoff]I saw a clip of the pro EU camp flying both flags on the news this morning ,but can't seem to find a photo online of it .

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Ex-president Obama declares Irma "Hurricane of Peace," urges not to jump to conclusions and succumb to stormophobia

CNN: Trump reverses Obama's executive order banning hurricanes

ISIS claims responsibility for a total solar eclipse over the lands of American crusaders and nonbelievers

When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was

CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'

BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'

Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago

Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise