Anybody that understands - please talk to me...

...of being told to suck it up, stop being dramatic, just get through today or just plain ignored! I am not crazy, I am not being dramatic..I am hurting, misunderstood, scared, feel alone (despite family and children)........my story is complicated but my conclusion is both frightening and comforting at the same time. I want to be free, I want to go home...but I don't want to leave my daughter in the hands of the sociopath I married and am divorcing who adopted her after the love of my life died at the age of 43. I have no friends because my husband used isolation as a means of control. My long-time therapist keeps telling me the same, non-productive things, friends that I am reconnecting with don't understand, are married and have their own life, if I tell my doctor he will put me in a psych ward and that will negatively affect my fight for my daughter...I have to be strong for her, so I wait until she is asleep and then go outside and sob - when I sleep I have nightmares - my heart feels like it is going to explode from my chest - i have never known such pain was possible on an emotional level and I have no one to talk to that doesn't give me some well meaning but totally ineffective response or response that only serves to make me feel even more trapped in a life that is full of regret, guilt, fear, sadness, etc. Does any of this make sense to anyone? I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm tired. - Oh that I had wings like a bird, then I would fly away, I would fly far away into the wilderness and rest, I would fly away from this wild storm of hatred.

Hi and welcome...many of us are as tired of the platitudes that you quoted...people are well meaning most of the time, but they just dont get it...can you speak to your therapist about what you think regarding his/her intervention and see if that relationship can be negotiated? It is so brave of you to be freeing yourself from an abusive relationship...are there services that you can get to make that easier? Also, are there outpatient services that might be helpful and not appear on your record? I am so sorry your greatest love died; that, in itself, is awful...please continue to post as many of us here can relate to what you have said...welcome again

Hi, welcome. Just so you know we're all hurting and feeling alone and isolated. And people who've never felt this way think that theirs some off switch you can just flick and sudden;y all your shit goes away, it doesn't. I completely understand I'm trapped where I am without any options right now and I'm feeling similar things trapped and fearful and fearful of what I would do if I could get away. I'd be alone, could I even handle that? My point is that I understand you, and that their are a few good people out there in the world and you should vent and let it all out. Then when you get some emotional release you'll feel a little bit better. Maybe we can brainstorm some ideas that would help fix the situations in your life.

I stumbled upon this forum - actually while researching a way out, but I thought I was the only one who felt the way I did - I was actually starting to believe that I was crazy for not being able to turn off the darkness. What makes right now so hard is that my daughter and I are in limbo-land while the courts take their sweet time - we have a protective order, but he keeps showing up and the police won't do anything - we both live in fear all the while I am under a microscope for my parenting skills so I have to hold it all in until late at night and then it just pours. They could name a river after me. My therapist does help, but it's the same old suggestions that make things worse. Some days I just want to hide in bed until it all goes away - others, like today, when my daughter is with friends and something happens with Mr. Sociopath -- I get so overwhelmed that - well, it's like I'm in a cage and everything just keeps getting darker and darker and my mind plays this tape over and over again of all the "advice" that well meaning people are telling me...I just want out of the cage, but can't find a way out. I am 40-something and starting completely over...outside of my daughter - I can't picture a future life for me. She is the ONLY thing that keeps me on this side of heaven. Then I feel guilty for that because that's quite a load to put on a child. I think there is a difference between feeling hopeless and wanting to be free and actually doing something to make that happen. Then I feel guilty for being selfish and thinking about wanting to be free. Then I feel crazy for not being able to handle what I am going through with more grace. It's a vicious circle.

I was told that there are groups for abused women that meet, but I haven't looked much into it. I am in a precarious position - anything I do is blown up and way out of proportion. His argument for taking MY daughter is that I am crazy, unstable and delusional. It's just wrong when knowing you are in a bad place and seeking help is turned into something bad. So, I found you guys...