5 Things to Talk About Now

PSA: The Oregon Militia does not need anymore dildos.

1. David Bowie tributes pour in.The death of rock legend/shape-shifting alien god David Bowie earlier this week left us all bereft, painting our faces with mournful pink-and-blue lightning bolts in memoriam. The best posthumous tribute may have been made by Bowie himself in his haunting final music video, “Lazarus,” but plenty of musicians, artists and otherwise have released their own farewells to Ziggy. Elton John played an ethereal piano version of “Space Oddity” at a concert in L.A.; the same song was even covered by church bells in the Dutch town of Utrecht. On The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, EL VY and Stay Human performed a funky cover of “Let’s Dance.” We hope you’re waiting in the sky for us, Starman.

2. The Powerball madness finally ended, for the most part.If you’re like us, odds are you’re sick to death of hearing about the $1.5 billion Powerball jackpot and watching your more gullible friends clutching lottery tickets in their sweaty palms. The holders of the three winning tickets have all stayed mum so far, except for the Robinson family from Munford, Tennessee, who appeared on the Today show this morning to announce their windfall. Weirdly, they still hadn’t talked to the official lotto people, so their win remains unconfirmed. Congratulations, Robinsons, and good luck with all those “friends” who are gonna start coming out of the woodwork.

3. A new virtual reality experience lets you climb Mount Everest in your living room.Sir Edmund Hillary must be rolling in his grave. Sólfar Studios is releasing something called Everest VR, a virtual reality program that vividly re-creates the experience of summiting the world’s tallest peak. Due to be released sometime this year on Oculus Rift and Playstation VR, the “game” used upwards of 300,00 real photos of the Everest ascent to simulate the climb from base camp to summit (frostbite not included).

4. Cranky Oregon militia leaders asked for care packages, but received dildos.If you mess with the bull, you’re gonna get the horns—and if you mess with the Internet, you’re gonna get the dongs. Jon Ritzheimer, the organizer behind that stupid militia that’s occupying a bird refuge in Oregon, asked the world to send care packages for his guys. What he got instead: dildos, more dildos and a literal bag of gummy dicks. Ritzheimer released a video in which he manfully shoves the packages off a table and denounces the senders for their “hate.” We’re not even gonna get started on the irony of an Anti-government Islamaphobe sounding off about intolerance. Just…enjoy your many penises, Ritzheimer. You’ve earned ’em.

5. Taiwan unveiled a shoe-shaped church meant to attract more women.That’s one way to sell religion to the heathen masses. Chaiyi, Taiwan has opened a giant glass church on the waterfront that’s shaped like a cartoon high heel and cost a cool $23 million to construct. The idea? To get more women to be married in churches. “There will be 100 female-oriented features in the church like maple leaves, chairs for lovers, biscuits and cakes,” a government spokesman said. Oh, Taiwan. You really get what women are into. We’ll just be over here, quietly gagging on these biscuits and cakes.