About three years ago the boy band (all grown men now) made a comeback. Immediately, my stepdaughter started spending lots of money going to every concert. She springs for cruises and high-dollar tickets for meet-and-greet parties. She follows them around the country.

Her husband seems to support her in this pursuit.

My husband and I see her spending lots of money, taking time away from her job and her husband, and wonder if she is out of control. It seems like an obsession.

We feel that she may have a void in her life because she lost her mother.

We have let her know that we disapprove of her obsession and she has said to us that she knows "it's crazy." However, she still continues the immature behavior.

If her husband doesn't have a problem with her behavior, should we just butt out?

Should we try more pointedly to show her the error of her ways? Should we recommend therapy?

If this pursuit is interfering with your stepdaughter's ability to hold on to her job or her relationships, then she has a problem, but so far, this seems mainly to bother you.

I appreciate your assessment of this and agree that her behavior could be related to a void in her life.

If you decide to talk to her again, don't frame your conversation around your disapproval of her behavior. Ask her what she thinks about it and if her obsession enhances or detracts from the most important things in her life.

Therapy could help her explore all of her relationships — including her feelings about and relationship with you and her father.

Dear Amy: I have been married to "Brad" for almost four years. Things have gone downhill between us.

I have recently found comfort in the arms of another man, "Dennis," who is married as well. His marriage hit rock bottom years ago.

Dennis and I have been secretly seeing one another when our spouses go to work.

I know that our spouses are catching on. Brad has seen that I don't want to be touched by him, and Dennis' wife has made comments about how much time he spends here.

Part of me would hate to lose Brad because we have a daughter together, and I worry about Dennis. His children are my age (in their late 20s) and would do anything to ruin their dad's happiness.

I don't want to end what we have because I haven't been this happy in a very long time, but I know that if people found out it would destroy families.

What should I do?

— Torn in New York

Dear Torn: You are at the stage in this drama where you are most concerned about being found out. Your daughter is an afterthought.

You could repair your marriage with a lot of commitment and work. You obviously have no intention of staying in your marriage, and so it might be best for everyone if you and your husband called it a day.

Be aware, however, that your relationship with "Dennis" isn't likely to survive the end of your marriage.

Dear Amy: "Frustrated Mother" was complaining about her guests' behavior at her children's elaborate birthday parties.

I think it's possible that with three over-the-top birthday parties to attend each year, these guests are just burned out and tired of all the craziness over young children.