Are you a Florida-based fan of the Washington Wizards? Do you enjoy having a lady you don’t know rub her business on your legs? Have you ever wanted someone from the Wizards to watch you while a lady rubbed her business on your legs?

Now you can, thanks to Lapdance Tuesdays, hosted by Wizards forward and Twitter fight promoter Andray Blatche. It all goes down Tuesday nights at the Cameo Theatre nightclub, presented by something called “The Opium Group” and featuring a “strict dress code,” which I guess includes those logo-nonspecific uniforms players have to wear when they show up on boxes of macaroni and cheese. Also advertised: music by DJ Affect and DJ Mummy. DJ Mummy! I bet he plays a lot of wrap.

So, only two questions remain: one, if you live in Florida, why do you care about the Washington Wizards? And two, can you maintain wood with Andray Blatche circling you, going “oh! oh! oh! Give it up?”