7 weeks ago my husband had to go to the hospital. His blood levels were all off, red too low, white too high. He has MDS. He also gets gout all the time. He was in the hospital for a week. , They then sent him to rehab where his spirits picked up. In rehab his white cell count went way up so he had to go back to the hospital. Was there another week and then sent back to rehab. Since then he's been in the hospital every week. He starts to get stronger and then back to hospital because he needs transfusions, etc. Now he is very despondent and hardly eats. He sleeps all the time and hardly talks when I visit him. He also started to mess his diaper and he Never did that before all of this started happening. How can I get him to want to get better? He is 74 which I think is too young to just give up on life. What can I do to help him? Anyone else have this problem?

12 Answers

If it's too much pain and effort to get to the bathroom, or even the bedside, messing in his diapers is possibly just the easiest way right now. If he doesn't think he will get better he may not care as much either. His doctor should be working on this - especially if this is a new problem.

It is not for others to say I am too young to give up on life or too old to strive to extend it. Nor is it for me to decide this for loved ones. I sincerely recommend that anyone struggling this issue read "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande. It is one of the wisest books I have ever read on this or any subject. And a very good read as well.

I am sorry that you are struggling with this. There are so many difficult things that caregivers must cope with.Over the years as a professional caregiver I have noticed that many, many older people are suffering from a lack of good nutrition, for many reasons. If a person is deficient in key nutrients it is common for that person to slide into disinterest and apathy.I suggest getting your loved one to a Naturopathic doctor. They know how to test for deficiencies and they know what to do. I have been suggesting to families and clients that they include liquid forms of three vitamins for which we have all seen wonderful results. I have never seen an adverse reaction because these are nutrients.

Liquid Vitamin B Complex, liquid Vitamin D3, and liquid Folic Acid with B12.These nutrients help increase appetite, calm the nervous system, also help people sleep. I have been taking these religiously for over 40 years.

You might decide to take them yourself. I suggest looking at Dr. Andrew Weil's website and some of his books (at the library).

Eyerishlass, my MIL was 92 when she went to the hospital with a UTI. Then to rehab. She in FL us in NJ. Took 2 days to drive there. When we got to her room, she told husband to get her suitcase. He explained she needed to do her therapy to go home. One of the bothers told her she was being transferred to Ga. (Closest son) to continue rehab there. Bad choice, she didn't like that SIL who is a take charge person who doesn't care what the person wants. MIL went downhill. Dr. said she was willing herself to die. She always wanted things her way and thats what she got. Depression meds didn't help. She went into rehab the first of Feb. and passed Feb. 29. When they r ready, they r ready.

If he is I n and out of the hospital and rehab, then there are several professionals working with him. He should have a hospitalist assigned to him. A hospitalist is a hospital employed doctor who oversees all the professionals working with a patient, as well as seeing the patient also. If you don't have an assigned hospitalist then ask for one. He or she will work with you to make sure your issues are addressed with everyone seeing your husband. Sometimes they are able to see a problem because they are looking at the whole picture, not just what they are responsible for.

The main point of your question is the thing you have no control over. Some people are fighters and the others are not. I have had to fight for my health since I was 13. My husband is letting his dementia take its course. That made me crazy for years but I have come to peace with it. I know there will be a day when I'm tired of fighting but that won't happen until my husband passes. I have to stay strong for him because he can't do that for himself.

Talk with his doctor about an anti-depressant. His WBC high count is because he has an infection somewhere in his body. Being depressed about being in the hospital frequently is not unusual, but anyone can experience depression at any point in time. Research is showing very young people as young as 6 yrs. are having depression, so at 74 yrs. he is late, but his will to live belongs to him. Keep loving him and talk with him about his feelings. I wish the best for you both!

If I had all that going on and no apparent progress, I might give up, too. Quality of life matters. If there is real hope of recovery, have him evaluated for depression. If not, prepare yourself to let him go. Be gentle with him. Be gentle with yourself.

My husband too has been in the hospital a lot 3 times in one month with no clear diagnosis, He is just passing out and then sleeping for hours. One dr says his bp is dropping too low,, another says he is having small, unobservable siezures. He has nurses, PT. OT, people out to bathe him and he too has started pooping in his diapers. He does have dementia but he was able to do so much for hmself. I asked him if he was enjoying all this pamparing and he said yes he hoped it never ends.He is not doing anything for himself that I know he is capable of. The situation is similar to above, it's just the reason is different. I don't know whether to tell all the extra help to quit coming and see if he will do for himself or what to do.

My mom went through something similar. While her health problems were different than your dad's it was the same revolving door with the hospital and rehab. She'd get better, we'd all breathe a sigh of relief then she'd take a step back.

Eventually, my mom just gave up. I knew she was giving up and I fought tooth and nail to turn her around. I tried compassion, tough love, threats, begging, guilt....everything under the sun all to no avail. She had her mind made up. She withdrew from everything and everyone and during all of this she grew progressively weaker and weaker. She was taking in very little fluid or food. She drank 1 Ensure a day and that was about it. We lost her not too long after all of this had begun. She lasted like this for about 2 months although my memory is kind of hazy about the timing. It was quick, that I know.

If there is some way to pull someone back from this I'd like to know it because I was unsuccessful in doing so with my mom. She had gone through a lot of health issues but they had been cleared up when she withdrew. I couldn't understand why she just gave up when she had been given a clean bill of health at the time.

Her death certificate says she died of heart failure but we all die of heart failure. In my opinion she died from depression.

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