10 reasons the Detroit Tigers won't make the playoffs

Detroit is currently 2nd in AL Central

DETROIT - As it stands today, August 13, your Detroit Tigers sit a half game back of the Kansas City Royals in the AL Central. This after holding a 7+ game lead on the Royals just a month ago. It's panic time in Tiger town! But it's not just losing games that can turn this season into a huge disappointment. Oh no, a lot more can happen.

1) Former Tiger Carlos Guillen will somehow convince Dave Dombrowski to let him pinch hit in a game vs. Angels pitcher Jered Weaver. Carlos will hit a homerun and reenact the bat flip from 2011, causing a bench clearing brawl where Miguel Cabrera tackles Mike Scioscia.

2) Victor Martinez will hit a home run to right field, hitting the Pepsi sign, turning the "Pepsi Porch" into the "Pepsi Torch." (Hat tip: Stephen)

5) Justin Verlander will continue dating Kate Upton. And then they'll break up. Then they'll date again. This will be news.

6) Alex Avila will continue to struggle with his facial hair decisions. Should he shave or just let it go? This will drive Alex crazy, causing him to grow a beard so fierce, his catchers helmet won't fit.

7) The Tigers will enter a 20-inning marathon with the Boston Red Sox, and when they run out of pitchers, Brad Ausmus will call upon Tigers mascot Paws. The furry mascot pitches two shut out innings, and replaces Phil Coke in the bullpen. Paws ends up being suspended for using PEDs.

8) Max Scherzer, free agent pitcher to be, gets anxious about hitting the open market. He decides to open a bakery called "Max's Muffins" -- it's a hit.