Top 5: Dumbest Licensed Superhero Products

5. Captain America Donut

It is fairly safe to assume that at no time did Chris Evans, nor would a real Steve Rogers, let his namesake donut anywhere near that temple of a body. This is as antithetical as a product can be. Plus, jelly donuts are gross and sticky.

4. Joker Knife

Oh yes, this is a real thing. Joker, the homicidal spirit of chaos from The Dark Knight can be forever commemorated by this very cheap knife. That’s right. These run about seven bucks. So they’re great stocking stuffers.

3. Red Skull cap

There are a couple of things to point out here. The first is that this is an officially licensed, textured version of the Red Skull’s head on a limited edition cap from the same folks who make the Major League Baseball hats. It sold for about $50 originally, and now is rare, and sells for much more if eBay is to be believed. But beyond all that, this is a Nazi you can wear on your head.

2. Hostess Green Lantern Glow Balls

Glow. Balls.

1. Hulk Cologne

The simple fact is that the person wearing this item would have to be either a child or a clueless lout. No adult who is going to make a fragrance choice in their life who has any sort of idea of how the world perceives him (and it’s a him, obviously) would ever willingly let whatever this horrid scent might be permeate their world. And yet, it was produced, marketed, and sold. One of you has it, and it wasn’t a bad gift. You made that decision, and like so many decisions, you live with it, in shame, forever.

I could see the Joker buying this and using it to kill someone and leaving it stuck inside them, because he think it’s hilarious that someone would make a weapon with his name on it for anyone to buy and use and the cops would have to find the person who bought it and it would send them on a wild goose chase.

All of those hostess cakes kinda taste the same don’t they? Diabetes man for sure! Get Bends on that.

There is a rather portly man at my office (works in IT….stereotypes much?) who has a very visible and well stocked, costco sized snack station under his desk. I”m pretty sure he celebrated all of these at some point.

Oh God Superman 64…. i think i remember playing that piece of crap is that the one where you had to like fly through rings in the sky in some absurd type of game around the city… i remember some stupid superhero game like that

Saw that top 5 on Attack of the Show a couple days ago, pretty big consensus out there for Superman 64. Anyone old enough to remember the first 8-bit Nintendo attempts at superhero games might have something to say though… I remember the X-Men game for NES as being particularly unplayable. Go grab an emulator and see just how well that game holds up

I did indeed try out the Captain America Tri-Coolata cup, where they put that red Cap drink, a blueberry drink, and a white coconut drink together into 3 different cells in 1 cup. It all tasted alright, but it was kinda weird since the cup itself was like 3 mini cups in one. Additionally, when I tried that, I had my 7-11 mixer straw which I utilized with this cup, having two flavors at once. My bones haven’t stopped hurting since.

I had the Captain America doughnut. It was sickly sweet. Way too much. I think they gave it to me for free because I go into my local Dunkin’ Donuts rather often, and roughly 2/3 of my wardrobe is Captain America t-shirts.

Still, the idea that a red dye # 5 frosted, high in calories confection that bears the name of the fastest name alive is just as silly as the idea of a pair green glowing…on second thought, never mind.

An apparently existing aftershave, painted blue with the shield on the back. No idea what it smells like, but I doubt it’s motorcycle grease, gunsmoke, sweat and noble heroism. Which is what it should smell like.

See you say the donut is stupid, but look how many people in the comment tried it? I hate to be the one who says this, but with the donuts they’re not looking for a Captain America like product… they’re looking for a product the Captain America customer base would want, and donuts… I know I’m on dangerous stereotype ground, but it fits alright. Our demographic often eats crappy treats and lots of caffeine. Although, okay… fine the donut is a little stupid. We usually want our hands on something to keep. Maybe they just tried to push it as an impulse buy for people who were there for the promotional cup.

Glo Balls are obviously similar, but I always wondered if they did that knowingly for the gag, or were just clueless. We’ll never know!

I didn’t use the word “stupid”. I said it was antithetical. Pointing out that something is dumb is not the same thing as saying it doesn’t work. I ate, let’s say several, of the Stars & Stripes donuts.