Hardest thing I have ever had to admit to myself.

I realized that the reason I always gain wait back is that I am afraid to be thin. So this is my FSA (Fat secret admission) I am araid to be thin. I hope now that I have said it outloud I can learn to deal with it. I lost 30 pounds once before and as soon as people started to respond, I put it back on plus some. This time I have got to learn to accept the responses. I hope to get the right encouragement this time.

There are a lot of people who use fat to hide behind for protection, or to fill the hole in themselves when feel something is missing...

Everyone i've ever met with a food problem has self esteem problems in one way or another.

Its either divorced parents, feeling not good enough, not getting the love they feel they deserved...there are thousands of reasons.

One of the best ways Ive found, other than a therapist, is a blog. write everything out...believe me, you would be surprised at the number of people that have the same issues as most of us have...some just hide it better.

Hi bride... I'm having the opposite problem. No one in the family has commented about my weight loss over the last year, and I'm not happy about it. I've wondered if I should bring it to their attention, but then think "I'm doing this for myself and not their approval". So, pffft. I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

But one SIL did ask if I was dyeing my hair Asked if I was going brunette to hide the grey.

***It just means being more independent and not allowing your happiness to be dependent on someone else's demanding and contentious attitudes and actions.***

Wisdom from a friend

I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.

Losing fat can be a hard thing to do psychologically. Although I feel much better physically now I've lost a fair bit of weight, I have to admit that sometimes I feel rather more exposed than I did before. It's like taking away a layer of protection.

I found that it was necessary for me to address my psychological issues at the same time as changing my physical lifestyle. If you take a more holistic approach then hopefully that will help you feel more comfortable with shedding that layer of protection.

Admittedly, I still struggle a little bit with accepting compliments. It's only in the past few months I've been able to just say a simple "thank you".

Also...I believe that dieting perpetuates the psychological problems experienced by many of us rather than fixing them. That's why I talk about my lifestyle change, rather than dieting. I don't diet.

Thank you for addressing this. I too think I am afraid to lose weight. I have been overweight for so long and in a way it's easier because you can fly under the radar so much. People tend to ignore you, esp members of the opposite sex and attention from men was always something i was uncomfortable with. I am a very sensing and aware person and I could always feel when men were looking at me and it made me uncomfortable. I have very rarely had that experience as overweight woman. I don't know how to deal with that. I'm older now so it probably won't be as bad as it was when I was in my 20's but still I just don't know. How do women deal with it?

I think my experience of losing weight and learning to handle other people's responses has been a lot like you Sheonamcc. It took me a while to learn to just smile and say "Thank you" rather than getting weird/awkward/embarrassed about it.

Every feminist bone in my body wants to say weight doesn't matter, because it shouldn't...but unfortunately, for the most part, I don't think this is reality. Everything from the opposite sex to something as simple as getting the attention of store employee to ask a question about something, in my experience it matters. When I was at my highest weight, I did feel invisible and in many ways this was where I was comfortable. I'm still not where I want to be weight/body-wise, but I can go into the normal size section of a clothes store and buy things. I think for me it's been a slow-ish process of learning to accept the difference, and now sometimes even having a little fun with it.

Doesn't mean I don't still have some hang-up's from when I was much bigger. For example, going into a normal size clothes store. I still often want to stick a sign on my head that reads 'No, I'm here to buy something for someone else. I'm not going to try and squeeze into any of your clothes, don't be afraid'.

This evening hubby made the comment that I was getting my shape back. It sounded weird and it made me feel awkward. I'm not comfortable with compliments, so I do understand. All I could say was that I didn't feel so round anymore and that my boobs stuck out further then my gut. Strange thing to say, but I was at a loss for words.

***It just means being more independent and not allowing your happiness to be dependent on someone else's demanding and contentious attitudes and actions.***

Wisdom from a friend

I am willing to release the need to be unworthy. I am worthy of the very best in life and I now lovingly allow myself to accept it.

i think that because i didnt like receiving the nice comments and being noticed it was easier for me to stay fat ...how stupid ...all my life just because i didnt really feel loved as a child i was confused about the attention

I agree, my weight loss may have helped me tremendously, but the resulting food obsessions and calorie counting was affecting me in other ways. If I had enough time to work out maybe it wouldn't have been so hard. all 21 pounds of loss was done without going to the gym because I did not have time to go work out.

thankfully now even though I am not counting calories, i am not gaining any weight. honestly I think i needed the break until I can work on the last 8 pounds

I think my experience of losing weight and learning to handle other people's responses has been a lot like you Sheonamcc. It took me a while to learn to just smile and say "Thank you" rather than getting weird/awkward/embarrassed about it.

It's really hard to learn to accept compliments, isn't it?

I did have a bit of a breakthrough this weekend, though. I update my profile picture on facebook and got a private message from a friend saying "don't take this the wrong way, but you're looking hot." I simply replied "don't take this the wrong way...but I agree!"

Why shouldn't I be happy with the way I look? In fact, we ALL deserve to be happy with our bodies, no matter what weight we are. Bodies are pretty awesome things.

I understand where you are coming from. I have lost over 50 pounds. People did not really notice until I bought new clothing in the correct size. Someone told me that they did not recognize me, which freaked me out. I decided that fat or thin, I am still the same person, with food and other issues and that I am OK. I really do not like people telling me that they in essence never noticed me before but I am learning to deal with it. I go contra dancing, and some of the people that I danced with in the past thought I was a new dancer. Really startling. I just decided in some ways that people now can see me instead of my fat. We live in a strange, wonderful, horrible world. I want to be healthy and live a long time with hopefully a great quality of life so I am determined not to let others' opinions unbalance me. Good luck!

I did have a bit of a breakthrough this weekend, though. I update my profile picture on facebook and got a private message from a friend saying "don't take this the wrong way, but you're looking hot." I simply replied "don't take this the wrong way...but I agree!"

This evening hubby made the comment that I was getting my shape back. It sounded weird and it made me feel awkward.

Most of the time, it makes me uncomfortable/annoyed when people comment on my weight loss. There's a woman at work who will NOT SHUT UP about it. It's all positive comments, but it's loud, and twice-weekly, and in front of all my coworkers, and I feel like all it does is draw additional attention to the fact that I needed to lose weight to begin with. In my head, "hey skinny girl, you look so good!" translates to "Hey used-to-be-fat-blob, you used to look like s%^&!"

Seriously, just shut up :/ I even directly expressed to her, calmly and politely, that I am not comfortable talking about weight, and she still won't let it drop.