Future past makes blockheads tense

Ben Pobjie

When last we checked in on The Block Glasshouse (Nine, 7.30pm), a gang of overconfident lunatics with high blood pressure was building rooms.

Amazingly, as we return to the dread glasshouse on Monday, this is still basically what is happening. Which is not to say there’s not excitement aplenty.

‘‘It’s time to go back to the future!’’ cries host Scott Cam early on, thus demonstrating beyond any doubt that Scott Cam doesn’t know what ‘‘back to the future’’ means – he’s actually talking about the Blockheads (a nickname indicating that they are contestants on The Block, and also that their heads are quite thick and cubic) going in to judge each other’s rooms without knowing what the judges thought of them.

This is something that to my recollection never happened in the Back to the Future trilogy – in fact Marty McFly and Doc Brown engaged in relatively little home renovation overall – but it’s all very thrilling, or at least I assume it is, to people who find this kind of thing thrilling.

As far as I can see, it’s just people looking at some fairly nice rooms and talking about how the rooms are fairly nice. Or not, as the case may be: ‘‘This is awful!’’ squeals expert judge Shaynna ‘‘Ghost Rider’’ Blaze (pictured), upon seeing a room that is a pretty ordinary room but has somehow failed on the Secret Interior Design Assessment Code and is therefore, and for no discernible reason, awful.

Even worse is when Darren determines a study is ‘‘not contemporary’’ – is there any more scathing insult? The Block is a show that throws up many questions, not least of which is: what on earth is going on? At one point Shaynna says ‘‘it’s just a room’’, and for this viewer at least, it’s hard to see how anyone on the show ever says anything else.

Home renovation is clearly an eldritch art the mysteries of which are not for accessing by the uninitiated. Other questions include: where is a good place to put a desk? What is a ‘‘floating ceiling’’? Why is everyone so impressed by the existence of wood? Will Simon and Shannon ever stop whining? Perhaps most of all, what the hell is the deal with that motorbike Scott rides in on? All these questions and more will fail to be answered in time.

Meanwhile, in the much more straightforward arena of blundering reality tourism, The Amazing Race Australia v New Zealand (Seven, 8.40pm) is on the up and up with all the dumb westerner moments and tearful failures we’ve come to expect. The teams are racing across Thailand this week; their challenges including selecting the most efficient massage, having their feet eaten by fish, and going on a long bus trip with Christie without the aid of powerful tranquillisers. And, as always, the Aus-NZ rivalry is utterly pointless.