Real advice from real people

“Do I pursue a relationship with her?”

I met this one girl a few years ago and fell in love with her almost immediately. She was always outgoing and kind, and outrageously good looking. But more importantly, I saw an element in her personality that no one else that I know, has. And I loved it. I felt that pursuing a relationship with her would have been remiss, however, given that we share different religious beliefs.

I also assumed that I would find someone who was more attractive physically and in personality, and share my beliefs. But I still have yet to meet anyone other than her that I find attractive, and the more I try to stop thinking about it, the more lonely and frustrated I feel. I thought that I would just have a crush on her for a few weeks, and forget about her, but thinking about not having her has become a living nightmare. I can’t stop thinking about her. This has been going on for three years, and is quickly becoming an obsession. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.

2 thoughts on ““Do I pursue a relationship with her?””

Well, one, discuss your feelings with a counselor (“religious beliefs” is pretty vague, but if you’re on the in-side, that includes a pastor, rabbi, etc. Practicing therapists are an option, too). I don’t mean forever — just like, six or seven times. It’s nearly impossible to break an obsession yourself, and I suspect if your friends were going to help they already would’ve.

Two, loosen up. Date someone you don’t intend to stay with. I was raised Protestant Christian and there was always this bullshit going around about not “yoking an ox and a bull,” and suspicion about dating in general. But I didn’t know what I really wanted in a partner until I’d made a few mistakes. Learning from those mistakes made me a better person (although I felt pretty shitty at the time). It isn’t a perfect world and you can’t be a perfect person… but you can’t even find the path unless you go looking for it.