PIV sex: not orgasmic for most women

When radical feminists talk about PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex, and how tedious it is for women, we get a lot of backlash because sexologists for years have been talking about “frigid” women, the so-called “g-spot,”* and the Freudian belief that women have penis envy, are castrated men, and that if a woman cannot orgasm from PIV (in other words, the same way men do) then there is something wrong with her and she has a sexual disorder or is sexually dysfunctional. All the jokes about women being frigid, sexless, or needing a good fuck are not shaming them based on any actual knowledge, but a pathetic ad hominem for men being rejected or disagreed with; hence, such men are shaming women for being women. In a similar way, women are complimented as hot and suddenly are called ugly when they reject men. And women are the desperate ones?! Ha! Bite me.

For heterosexual men, PIV sex/intercourse (the main way of getting a woman pregnant or giving her an STD) is “real,” natural or normal sex, because that is how they orgasm. This was the question in the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, because it was about oral sex. Everything else is considered foreplay to get a woman aroused enough for PIV sex. The best propagandist for this has been porn, with practices involving going from anal sex straight to PIV sex – a practice which is known by medical professionals to cause infections like vaginitis. When Dworkin talked about how women in porn are called all sorts of names like “cum bucket,” and are treated like toilets, that is a very literal example of it.

Tell a man you don’t want PIV sex and he’ll think you don’t want sex, period, because he cannot imagine it any other way. Such a view, by association, happens to be lesbophobic. But rather than being consistent, they refuse to forego oral and anal sex, since they most likely also watch porn and are conditioned by it to desire conquering a woman through all of her orifices (anal being the last wall to break). And if they did just stick with PIV sex it’d be too obvious how similar they are to conservatives; after all, both groups involve misogynistic males.

So…while some women think it is pleasurable, and that they choose to have PIV sex, it is generally not orgasmic in and of itself. Feminist critique asks: Who does it benefit? Not women. Women are the afterthought, not the priority. The star is the male. I’m not sorry to say that insisting women orgasm the same way men do (from PIV sex), that they identify with male orgasms, and prioritize male needs above their own or as if they were the same as their own, is abusive.

Certainly, there should not be pressure to have an orgasm during sex. But in straight sex the pressure is for women to orgasm from PIV; barring that, to fake an orgasm for the man’s ego (“stroking his ego” is exactly the case). In it you have a bunch of lazy, entitled assholes who don’t even care about a woman’s pleasure, so sex for women ends up being boring if not painful – and afterwards, negative on an emotional level. Since women are conditioned to hate themselves and take care of others, even to think we can change abusers, it’s possible to also believe that things like sexual pleasure are a “reward” earned by being good enough, and it is our fault if men are assholes.