'2014' Tagged Entries

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In 2014, after declaring bankruptcy and losing everything, George and Neal came to their rescue and offered both Rod Blagojevich and Donald Trump an opportunity to stop living on the streets of Chicago and sharing a cardboard box behind Tony Rezko's house (i.e. under the El tracks on Van Buren and Clark). In 2015 the SyFy channel aired a special live presentation of ECW Wrestling. The match-up was a bloody battle between Blago's and Trump's hair. The 6 hour battle was called a draw but ended up spawning a spin-off show called "Law and Order and Corruption - You're Fired Unit", which aired on NBC after "Law and Order - Not Quite As Special Victims Unit", before "Law and Order - Criminal Negligence", on alternate weeks with "Law and Order - Park District Squad" but only during the off season for "Law and Order - Police Brutality".

In 2014 the United States was overrun by a large number of giant squirrels. Apparently our neighbor, Sciuridaetopia had been conducting top secret genetic experiments when something went terribly wrong and the test subjects escaped, rampaging across Sciuridaetopia's main science campus in the capital city of Skiouros before fleeing into neighboring US territory. George and Neal lead a team of S.N.I.C.K.E.R.S. as well as members of various elite US military outfits to hunt down all of the gigantic squirrels. Thanks to George and Neal's heroic efforts all twelve escaped subjects were killed or captured. Sciuridaetopia has agreed to suspend their Ratufa Maximus program and is now focusing their scientific talents toward figuring out social issues they face, like how to get into a bird feeder atop a flag pole.

Our battles against Godzilla were great practice. Taking out squirrels was a piece of cake.

In 2013, in an attempt to connect with the average American, Westboro Baptist Church contacted Neal and George for their advice. We recommended they reach the American public through food. In early 2014 the church released their Westboro Bun Sized Weiners in the hopes that they would be sold at little league baseball and pee-wee football games across the nation. Unfortunately the slogan for the hotdogs, "Our Weiners Fit In Your Buns!" didn't do much to help the church's cause. Later that year the entire church and hot dog factory was swallowed by a large fish.

During their chronal adventures, Neal and George discovered a deep, dark secret of the music industry. Apparently for years the Johnson & Johnson company has been clandestinely influencing some of Rock & Roll's greatest artists. George and Neal weren't so shocked as Johnson & Johnson's sponsorship and promotion of the arts as much as we were at the fact that these incredible shows of support have been kept secret from the multitudes. Among the shocking discoveries are:

J&J's Baby Shampoo sponsored Ozzy's No More Tears tour.

Ironically, Ozzy cried himself to sleep every night of this tour.

J&J's Baby Powder inspired Clapton's Cocaine.

J&J's Band-Aid was the corporate sponsor for Farm-Aid.

In 2010 J&J's Listerine promoted a one-night-only concert for Baltimora, which consisted only of an extended version of "Tarzan Boy".

In 2014 Steven Tyler of Aerosmith will legally change his name to Steven Tylernol after an endorsement deal with J&J's Tylenol brand.

In 2014, George decided that he could make a better dictation-to-text program than what was currently available (such as Dragon Dictation and Apple's Siri). Although the program was widely adopted as a result of George and Neal's popularity, it was known to haven moony problems and bigs. Still, Kneel and Gorge refused to stop us and it.

On April 25, 2014 Bette Midler was finally successful in her dastardly plot to capture Neal and George. Using a baked lasagna she was able to lure them into her trap (truthfully they suspected a trap all along, but thought it was for Garfield and wanted that lasagna before the fat cat arrived). For over 20 months the fearless explorers were trapped in stasis pods and subjected to Midler's mind probes. Finally, on December 31, 2015 George and Neal were heroically rescued by their future selves (from all the way on January 1, 2016). And once again, all was right in the world. Celebration and parties ensued throughout the galaxy until the stroke of midnight (Central Standard Time) when George and Neal actually became their future selves and had to leave the party early to go rescue themselves. I'd explain further, but it just gets more confusing. Hey look, a lasagna!

Luckily George and Neal were rescued by George and Neal before their fate was the same as the poor saps in the other stasis pods. Neal wasn't frightened by that though, it was Bette's prancing that worried him.

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This site. The best. Bigly good. Those other sites? SAD. So sad. But George and Neal? I mean, trust me. I know good people. I know - I'm the best at knowing good people and you'd be amazed at what those guys can do. Fantastic job, you two.

Well, how about that! We got a comment from someone other than Clem or evil Bette. Thanks for your support Rich, we hope you're doing well, too. It's been a long time since we've talked, so we'll head back to 1998 and pay you a visit then. Bucket run?