ATLANTA–Atlanta’s base-related sports team, the Braves, announced yesterday that banking giant SunTrust had won the naming rights for their new Cobb County facility. SunTrust made headlines in June when they agreed to pay nearly $1 billion dollars restitution for underwriting and endorsing mortgage loans whose documents were written on dust balls found under a New York City bachelor’s futon.

The new stadium is intended to be open for the 2017 base sports season which should be nearly enough time for anyone living in town to get there for opening day, if they leave this week.

Tickets will be available through usual channels, and will come with fees intended to add convenience for the ticket purchasers, especially undergraduate college students and the elderly. SunTrust representatives denied allegations that ticket prices should cover operating costs, saying in a statement, “If these fees weren’t great for our customers, we wouldn’t call them ‘convenient.'”

MLB president Hal Lottabalce said the deal with SunTrust would facilitate amenities at the new stadium that wouldn’t have been possible at Turner Field. “Fans are going to enjoy our new complex, with lots of fun things to do before and after the game, such as driving, and then more driving,” said Lottabalce.

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.