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RelationshipsAs couples embark on any type of relationship therapy it often becomes evident that the couple’s established pattern of communicating with one another is at the heart of their difficulties. If you were to give a speech you would probably be prepared to share information in a way that would grab the attention of your audience. With couples communication it is similar in that you want to have some clarity of what information you want to share with your partner, before you begin to speak. This process requires some degree of inner reflection, and a desire to bring the other person closer to understanding who you really are. Simultaneously, you are also getting to know yourself on a deeper level.

I work with couples by helping each person to better communicate their authentic selves to one another in a safe and open manner. I have a way of assisting individuals in becoming more aware of what they are experiencing in the moment during our therapy sessions – this is where the process of emotional intimacy begins. Couples are often amazed at what they discover in couples therapy. They can start to see for themselves how to begin to apply these simple skills on their own. In most cases it doesn’t take very long for couples to learn to communicate with one another on a more open level. Then old walls begin to slowly fall away.

Once couples begin to connect on this deeper emotional level, there is often a renewed energy and attraction. Frequently, an emotional connection begins to occur, which can be followed by an improved physical intimacy. Women generally tend to need a more emotional connection, which allows them to feel more trust towards their partner. This often assists women to feel more relaxed and ultimately more receptive to physical contact. Men are wired to be able to become physically intimate without emotional intimacy. However, men also have a much deeper need for emotional intimacy that goes all the way back to when they were small boys. I believe it is through the intimacy building process that both partners can work through emotional wounds from their past. This can lead to a very special bond between these two people.

Unhealthy Behavior PatternsI don’t know anyone who hasn’t struggled with some form of unhealthy behavior pattern. In overcoming these patterns it is essential to get to the bottom of what is feeding into the behavior. Behaviors are the end product. We have to learn how to objectively observe our patterns and in a non-judgmental way, begin to breakdown all the steps that lead up to the behavior.

Once we begin to have more empathy and an understanding of our behaviors, and learn why it is we remain stuck in those old behaviors, then we can begin to make conscious changes.

MindfulnessWe don’t realize how much of our lives have been spent sleepwalking. Mindfulness is about being aware of what is going on in the present by focusing in on our senses (i.e. sight, smell, sounds, textures, light, shadows, the feeling of our breath), which allows us to be present and awake in this moment. By becoming more mindful, we all can be present and less distracted by stressful patterns of thinking. I teach my clients to use these techniques as part of their healing journey.