Archive for September, 2010

I’m nervous today. After procrastinating for a couple of months, I have committed to spending a not-insubstantial amount of money on some of the last dental work I need. My old insurance technically runs out Saturday, so I am getting this done at literally the last possible moment. My dentist described the insurance approval as winning the dental insurance lottery, because the coverage was so good. I’m still not sure if she meant winning the lottery for me or for her. But I’m in, and trying not to panic about it. (Having played a lot more D&D lately I keep thinking about it from that perspective. I’ll make an endurance check and a save vs Fortitude; my dentist will use her Heal check, and hopefully won’t have to Lay On Hands today.)

I’ve had a lot of work done on back teeth over the years, but they’re working on teeth in the front this time. There is some actual medical need for this but the biggest impact will be aesthetically. I have had a guarded smile for so many years because of ugly anddamaged teeth. I know I have friends who can relate. (One in particular just had a ton of work done. I hope we can smile broadly at each other again someday.)

But it’s not the fear of the massive long dental appointment that made me put it off. (Though that–and the prospect of Novocaine injections, triggering my needle phobia–doesn’t help.) I feel a little bit like I’m giving in to vanity, or worse–artifice. I’m losing the last visible natural teeth I had and replacing them with a false front. The thing I railed about doing personally for many years. But I am not my teeth; the body is merely the vessel, not the captain. We all have at least some false front facing the world. I’m in denial if I think I can be somehow superior to that. And hubris–for me, at least–always gets repaid in spades. Or dental implements. Let’s hope they don’t need to use a spade to do this today.

The doorbell rang while I was writing. I forgot that we’re having fixtures in the bathroom downstairs re-porcelained. My teeth and the bathtub, all on the same day.

I am waiting on the electrician to show up so I can let him in. This is annoying. I am waiting to run until the electrician gets here so that I go my full planned distance today. I am waiting to eat breakfast until I can run. This makes me more annoyed. It is hot today, which is annoying already, so the longer I wait the hotter it will be when I run, which will annoy me more. And my parents and I are going to the Impressionists show at the DeYoung this afternoon, so if he is too much later I will not be able to run before they get here, which will annoy me even more.

And that any of this annoys me kind of annoys another part of me.

Though I do appreciate that one of the iconic paintings from the exhibit is The Floor Scrapers. Looks familiar.