Ever go to a peep show? They are going the way of the dinosaur these days. They can be hit or miss. And by that I mean you can either get a whale of a woman that just sits there naked and eats in front of you or you can have some mind boggling shit waiting for you behind the glass. It is sort of a warped confessional where you confess your sins and wanton desires to a stranger and they act them out. Only there is no anonymity, just the walk of shame and a trail of kleenex.

I did these every now and again as a kid. Some places would have like an octagon with booths. Inside the octagon were a few girls that would entertain for tips. If you didn’t tip, they would sit there and look at you like an asshole. You could usually cop a feel or they could depending on how things were. Other places have a set up where it is two booths with a plexiglass divider. Once you paid for your time the curtain in the plexiglass would go up and then tips would negotiate what you were going to see. This was more my speed. It was a little more intimate and you at least picked the girl that you wanted. As opposed to the octagon where I swear to god I had Nell Carter on the other side of the glass one time. After that I swore never to put myself in that sort of situation ever.

On one particular incident I had this hot West Indian girl who said she would do whatever I wanted and because I was “cute” she wouldn’t get crazy on her tip rates. This means “score” in just about every language in the world. So into the booth I go. Now to communicate you have these phones. It’s almost like being in jail and talking to a visitor. And yes I did once put my nipples to the glass and shouted “Ohhh Billy!!”. The girl on that incident was not amused either. I also realized what I had just smeared my chest on and almost threw up the rest of the way home.

So back to my little Caribbean queen. So we are talking through this phone line and she is telling me all sorts of fantastic shit and what she wants to do. She pulls out this GIGANTIC dildo with a suction cup on it and the fun begins. First she places it on the glass at level with my crotch and begins to go down on it. She asks if I would like her to slip it in her pussy. Yes please. Now she is handling this like a pro and moaning in my ear. Which is to be expected. So I decide to up the ante and get my money’s worth and snarl for her to stick it in the “small hole”. But it comes out all raspy like if Darth Vader was saying it. Fucking Great! She gives me this look of dread and actually does try to pull it off. It’s obviously very painful to her and she is screaming like she is being… well.. you know, raped in the ass. I had to move the phone away from my ear she was in so much pain. It was really loud and putting me off my game. None the less it was the best 40 dollars I ever spent that winter.