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Dear Reader: The following is not the story of just one child in its details and circumstance, for these particulars do not represent the situation of any one child. However, the thoughts and feelings of the child contained in this story do represent the thoughts and feelings of many different children that have passed through OHELâ€™s doors in the Milton Shulman Foster Care Program. Please join me on their painful, yet ultimately healing journey through foster care.Â

It happened again last night. Mommy was so tired she couldnâ€™t get up to make supper. I tried to find some food in the house but there wasnâ€™t that much to eat. At school, I was so hungry I stuffed myself at breakfast. My Morah [teacher] looked worried and said I was eating like I hadnâ€™t seen food in days. It was true, but I convinced her it wasnâ€™t.Â

My teacherâ€™s been worried before. Like the time I came to school wearing dirty clothes and without a jacket. Mommy was too sick to help me in the morning so I just took whatever I could find. Iâ€™m sorry I got you in trouble, Mommy, but I didnâ€™t know what else to do.Â

It wasnâ€™t always like this. I know itâ€™s hard on you, Mommy. We donâ€™t have a lot of money and you donâ€™t have that many people helping you since Daddy left. But you never used to be so sad all the time, like you are now. You never used to hurt me before, like you do now.Â

I hear you crying sometimes at night, and I know you donâ€™t mean to hit me. Itâ€™s just that I make you so mad sometimes that you just canâ€™t help it. Iâ€™m sorry, Mommy, for being so bad. Iâ€™ll try to be good. Really, I willÂ

But I came home from school today and made you mad again. I didnâ€™t mean to do it, Mommy. It was an accident. I know you spent a lot of money on it especially for me, money that you donâ€™t have. And now I have ruined it. Please donâ€™t hit me, Mommy.Â

But you are too upset to listen. You take me by the shoulders and shake me. I donâ€™t think you mean to but you bang my head against the wall. You have never done that before. You look at me in horror and run off.Â

I go to my bed and cry. My head is aching something awful. You come into my room and start to cry, too. You tell me how much you love me, that I am the most precious thing in the world to you. You tell me that you are sorry that you lost control like that. That you will never do it again. You take me in your arms and hug me so tight that my tears mix together with yours. I snuggle in close to you and feel your love so strongly that it warms me until I donâ€™t even feel my head hurt anymore. I wish it could always be like this between us, Mommy.Â

But you did it again, Mommy. And another time, too. Itâ€™s too hard for me, Mommy. I am scared all the time. So I told them in school. They saw the marks and I told them the truth. They made a lot of different calls and spoke to a Rabbi, too. They said they would help us.Â

Some people from the city came to the house. They saw my bruises and asked what happened. You told them the truth and they said they had to take me away for now. You were crying, Mommy, as if your heart was breaking. You begged them to let me stay. Iâ€™m sorry, Mommy. I wish I could take it back. I want to stay with you!Â

The people from the city brought me to a doctor and he checked me over. His hands were cold. They took pictures of my bruises. They asked me lots of questions. Im tired and hungry, and I miss my mommy. I donâ€™t want to talk anymore. Why canâ€™t they leave me alone?Â

They took me to another office. I had to wait on a bench for a really long time. They tried to give me a snack, but it wasnâ€™t kosher. I waited for them while they made a lot of phone calls.Â

Then they finally came out. They said they were going to take me to live with a family, from a place called OHEL. They said that these people were going to help me. I never heard of this place before, OHEL, and I am scared. Will they be able to take care of me? I donâ€™t even have my clothes and my books with me. Will I be able to go to the same school? Will I be able to see my mommy?Â

The people from the city take me in their car for the third time that night. As we drive away I canâ€™t help but remember Mommyâ€™s face right before they took me. She didnâ€™t say a word to me, but her eyes spoke instead. They said, â€śhow could you betray me?â€ťÂ”Â

Mommy, I didnâ€™t mean it. It was all a mistake. I want to take it back! I want to be with you!Â

But even as I say this, I canâ€™t help but think: Mommy, didnâ€™t you betray me too?Â