September 9, 2011

Grief Brief: In the Secret of His Presence

I got up earlier than usual so Mike and I could take our car to the shop for some tune-up repairs.

What a delight to find the weather so friendly and agreeable!

After our errand I came back home with a mental list to tackle which called for coffee to help spur me on!

Then somewhere in the busyness of activity and that cup of coffee, I wanted to call Mom to share a piece of the morning with her.

And I was jolted again by the realization of her abscence and how easy it was to pick up the phone to hear her voice last year at this time.

As quickly as I think I've passed this grief burst stage of grieving, another one bursts unexpectedly and with force enough to change the course of my day. I keep praying that the grief that changes the day and stops me in my tracks would also draw me nearer to God.

In the secret of His presence how my soul delights to hide!
Oh, how precious are the lessons which I learn at Jesus’ side!
Earthly cares can never vex me, neither trials lay me low;
For when Satan comes to tempt me, to the secret place I go,
To the secret place I go.

When my soul is faint and thirsty, ’neath the shadow of His wing
There is cool and pleasant shelter, and a fresh and crystal spring;
And my Savior rests beside me, as we hold communion sweet:
If I tried, I could not utter what He says when thus we meet,
What He says when thus we meet.

Only this I know: I tell Him all my doubts, my griefs and fears;
Oh, how patiently He listens! and my drooping soul He cheers:
Do you think He ne’er reproves me? What a false Friend He would be,
If He never, never told me of the sins which He must see,
Of the sins which He must see.

Would you like to know the sweetness of the secret of the Lord?
Go and hide beneath His shadow: this shall then be your reward;
And whene’er you leave the silence of that happy meeting place,
You must mind and bear the image of the Master in your face,
Of the Master in your face.Words by Ellen L. Goreh, 1883From Sandra McCracken’s website:

In The Secret Of His Presence

"This is the only one on the album that I didn’t write. I love Chris Miner’s version of this song from his album All Good Things Come From The Desert. It expresses such intimacy. This was the song that really lit a fire for me to make this album at long last. Many of these melodies I had written over years, but this song gave me a vision to actually finish this project. I wanted to make something that had this vulnerability and melancholy to it. I don’t think we have quite enough of that in modern church music. I think sometimes we think church music should be sunny or majestic, but for me, that’s not where I live most of the time. I live more in longing and hope, in both joy and sorrow. I want to make music that people can find themselves in, not as they think they should be."

In the last 7 months there have been SO many things I wanted to share with Grandma! To just hear her voice. I am so sad that she didn't get to really know Lilyana. I miss her so much. I miss her laugh. I miss talking on the phone and trying to "solve the world's problems" with her. I'm so sorry for your grief mom. I know I still need my mom! I love you!

The 25th and 27th of this month will mark four years since the passing of my G'pa and G'ma Byrd. The waves (or bursts, as you so aptly put it) are getting further apart, but they still come. May they always drive me to His presence.