BLAH

Well, I was so proud of myself for doing my first
Saturday Night recap. I sent it off late Sunday
night, and then with finals this past week, didn't
even bother touching my computer. So Saturday comes
around, and what do I find? This nice message from a
guy named DAEMON. Well, it turns out, I went and sent
my recap off to the wrong address. D'oh! The worst
thing was that I said a bunch of stuff about myself
which I have to find a way to include in this report.
Ah well, here it goes.

Yes, this is a WCW Saturday Night recap. But my tape
starts off with the last five or six minutes of "Never
Say Never Again." That was the James Bond movie
starring Sean Connery when he was getting old, and it
actually isn't considered one of the "official" Bond
movies. I had the sneaking suspicion that I had seen
this movie before, and I was right. The only thing
was it was called "Thunderball."

Your hosts this week are Scott Hudson and The Artist
Formerly Known As "Slapnutz" Mike Tenay (as coined by
Mr. Hudson). And since this isn't one of the
important shows, let's start with a match, shall we?

Adrian Byrd vs. The Wall: This is almost the same
exact match we had on World Wide a couple of weeks
ago, except you can place Meng in place of The Wall.
The Wall doesn't get the crappy camera treatment of
Berlyn, but he does get to use all the same crappy
offense that Meng does. Right
hand...uppercut...stomps...foot to throat. Boy, this
is something! Irish whip reversed by Byrd, so he gets
a boot to the jaw for his troubles. To the outside
and wall takes this opportunity to turn Byrd into a
ragdoll. Back in the ring, and Byrd starts a
comeback. But just like against Meng, the dropkick
gets tossed off by The Wall. Wall with a big slam for
two. Whip by Wall...SUNSET FLIP...NO! Wall gets Byrd
by the throat (eventually), picks him up...chokeslam.
Nick Patrick slams his hand on the mat three times,
and that's one match down tonight (4:25).

When we come back: Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike Tenay!

This portion of Jeff Jarrett Saturday Night (they
actually said that) is brought to us by Castrol GTX.

Into the studio we go to introduce the recap of
Jarrett's antics with Mike on Nitro. Back off the
flashback, Tenay says this isn't his personal forum,
but tonight we'll see Devin Storm vs. Chris Benoit!
Hudson says that the Powers That Be sent down a memo
that Jarrett is to be pushed to the moon, so now we
get to see of Jarrett's challenge to Goldberg!

And now because it's the Jeff Jarrett segment....

Johnny Attitude vs. Jeff Jarrett: Jarrett comes in and
poses, then starts the attack before the bell.
Immediately outside, and Attitude tastes all the
various forms of steel around the ring. Back inside,
a whip...Jarrett catches a boot, spin and clothesline
downs Attitude. Choke on the middle rope by Jarrett.
Now a whip, reversed and a punch by Attitude.
Attitude charges and gets tossed over the top with a
back body drop. Back inside, Irish whip by
Jarrett...Attitude moves out of the way! Inside
cradle gets two! Punches by Attitude...whip...Jarrett
slides under. Kick to the gut by Jarrett, and now the
crappiest finisher in the business (besides anything
involving a man taking off his elbow pad) gets Jarrett
the pin (3:45ish).

Commercial time!

Back in studio with Scott: "We're diggin' dirt
nationwide here in WCW. So raise a glass to a toast
for you're hotline hosts. And let me hear you
say...Hotlinin' ain't easy!" It's just a plug for the
900 number folks.

Back in the arena, the Legal Department is on the
phone for Scott as we get to...

Elix Skipper vs. Kid Romeo: Scott compliments Mike for
not killing Juventud on Thunder. Split crowd for the
two men, but soon they turn on Romeo. Mike asks Scott
about the plans for Saturday Night that the Internet
is abuzz about. Scott ensures us we'll always have
wrestling on Saturday Night, as we have for 27 (long,
glorious) years, but things may change soon.
Crossbody by Romeo gets two. Romeo up, whips Skipper
into the corner. Mount by Romeo for a monkey flip,
but Skipper with a hotshot. Armdrag into a rocker
dropper variation for two. Sunset flip by Romeo gets
a two. Skipper goes up top, walks the rope, and a
double sledge hammer gets another two. Armdrag into a
full nelson by Skipper leads to the Romeo
comeback - check that - double underhook suplex gets two
for Skipper. Whip to the ropes...armdrag blocked by
Romeo...into a body scissors and a bulldog by Romeo.
Double knockout spot, then Round 15 from Rocky all
over again turns into a spinning heel kick for Romeo.
Drop kick and a full front slam for two. Romeo up top
for a 'rana. That gets two. Whip and Skipper with a
kick...European uppercut stuns Romeo. Skipper with a
scoop...Romeo slips out...turns him around...full
scoop and he DROPS HIM ON THE BACK OF HIS NECK! My
Lord, he should have had his neck broken on that one.
They call it the Romeo Meltdown, but it works for a
three count either way (6:07). Romeo is going to end
up breaking someone's neck with that thing sooner or
later.

For the record, the crowd really didn't like Kid
Romeo.

After these commercials, Lash LaRoux is next!

Let me just say that Scott Hudson is pretty good, but
the only reason people like him so much is because
they hate Tony Schiavone that much more. I mean, how
many people do you think would complain about him
doing stuff like "Hotlinin' ain't easy" if he was on
Nitro. It would be just like everyone ripping into
Juventud for ripping off The Rock on Thunder. Oh,
that and Juvy just, in general, sucks.

And back to the ring we go for :

Villano IV vs. Lash LaRoux: Chain wrestling to start.
Now a whip...leapfrog...clothesline by Villano IV. He
sets Lash on the top turnbuckle for...something that
just looked uglier than anything else has tonight
(except that move by Romeo). Of all the matches so
far tonight, this one has been the worst. Bourbon
Street Blues for two by LaRoux. Powerslam by Villano
gets two. Inside cradle gets two. DDT gets two.
Villano goes up top and misses a...something. LaRoux
comes back and gets the Whiplash for three (4:15).
That was just sad.

When we come back, a recap of the referee walkout.

we're back, and we start this recap with...David
Flair? Oh well, he comes out with Symphony, then DDP
comes out and beats Flair up. (Hey DDP? You remember
that nice run back in 1997 and 1998 against Savage and
the NWO? Remember just how popular you became? I
hope you do, because you'll never be that popular
again.) This, of course, leads right into that
clusterfuck that happened before the lumberjack match.
CRZ already did a recap of this, and you can find it
right here.

Starrcade spot segues into commercial.

Coming back, we recap the Oklahoma match from Monday.
Now back in the arena....

Mike Sanders vs. Rick Cornell: Cornell is huge in the
upper body, but that's about it. High knee by
Cornell, reversed into a cradle for two by Sanders.
Gee, how long do you think it'll be before Russo
decides to turn Mike here into "The Colonel." Into
the corner for punches and kicks by Cornell. Irish
whip reversed...back body drop puts Sanders on the
apron. Sanders goes for a springboard, and Cornell
drops him on the rope. Irish whip...kick...butterfly
suplex for two by Cornell. Whip...armdrag for one.
Sitting surfboard and a knee to the kidneys by
Cornell. Sanders gets up...but gets taken down again
for one. And we're back to the sitting surfboard
again. Up and a whip by Cornell, ducked and a
spinning heel kick by Sanders....1 count. Dropkick by
Cornell gets two. Scoopp slam...Sanders comes back
with a belly to back suplex. Punches by Sanders.
Armdrag...back body drop. Dropkick...jawbreaker
variation by Sanders. But a second rope springboard
moonsalt misses. Cornell with a pickup onto his
shoulder...drops him into a slop drop position...and
now a spinning neck breaker variation of some sort.
Whatever it was, it worked for 3! (6:04)

At Starrcade, it'll be Dr. Death vs. Vampiro!
Saturday Night is back after this!

And because this is the only WCW show where you can
find wrestling....

Bad Barry Horowitz vs. Perry Saturn (w/Asya): So who's
the face here? Armdrag, so Barry pats himself on the
back. Hey, if he could never get over with the same
gimmick for over a decade, who's going to stop him
now? Saturn with an armdrag, and Barry kicks the
bottom rope in disgust. Saturn with a springboard
moonsalt. T-bone suplex. Horowitz comes back with a
European uppercut. Northern Lights suplex gets two.
Inside cradle gets two. Again for two. Slam and a
pat on the back by Barry! High knee takes out Saturn.
So as Charles Robinson goes out to check on Saturn,
Asya comes in to pull Barry down by the hair. Head
scissors by Asya, and we get a shot of two guys in the
crowd. This is just so profane, don'cha know? Saturn
back in for the Rings of Saturn, and that's that.
(3:15)

Dean Malenko comes down for a promo. He talks about
the nation that is the Revolution. Perry says that in
their country, Christmas comes twice a year! Huh?

Commercials!

Recap of the World Tag Team Title match as Goldberg
and Bret Hart take on Creative Control. We see evil
ref Mike Johnson start acting evil, for lack of a
better way of putting it, so out comes Rowdy Roddy
Piper, who decides to nicely ask Mr. Johnson to leave.
Meanwhile, Hart and Goldberg get the advantage on CC,
until the double finisher by our heroes gives them the
WCW World Tag Team Championship! Hey, how come nobody
has tried to dig up how many people have won the
triple crown in WCW/NWA and the WWF, as Bret Hart has
now done? (I think 'cause he's the only one... - CRZ)

All the commercials attached to the show (not the
lowly local ads) sound like they were dubbed off the
radio.

Scott and Mike are back in studio, shilling the
hotline. Scott actually tells us "Hotlinin' ain't
easy?" Oh Lord.

Recap of the Evan/Madusa situation. That leads us
to...

Alan Funt vs. Evan Karageous (for the WCW
Cruiserweight Title): Madusa has blue hair, prompting
Scott to ask if Schiavone had a yard sale. Chain
wrestling to start, as Evan finally gains an actual
advantage with a hip toss and a drop kick sending Alan
out. Evan proceeds to do a springboard crossbody onto
Alan. Back in the ring, Irish whip and a running
clothesline. Evan tries it again, but Alan moves,
giving Funt the chance to hit a belly to back and
start some offense. Funt with a pick up for a body
slam, then runs and drops him, essentially. Alan has
the offense going pretty well, and Scott asks if
Madusa is really a cruiserweight. Mike acts shocked.
Lateral press gets two for Funt. Scott apologizes for
offending Mike, since he doesn't know anything about
Mike's personal life. Evan finally gets the offense
back after a powerslam out of the corner. Dropkick,
dropkick, THE TERRY TAYLOR FIVEARM! Two for Evan.
And now Evan after a snap suplex hits the corkscrew
body press for the pin (6:45? I dunno).

Recap of the Zybysko vs. PTB feud from Nitro.
Prompting the question of when WCW has started using
replay to decide matches? Did no one think that Arn
Anderson was just coming out to help his fellow former
Horseman?

Steve Armstrong vs. Lord Steven Regal (with David
Taylor):Well, it should be a pretty decent wrestling
match, at least. Single leg takedown, and now more of
this boring chain wrestling stuff that they've been
doing for the last 90 seconds. By the way, Mike
really hated Juvy on color commentary. I bet he might
start getting mad at the Powers That Be even more!
Armstrong gets Regal down with a knuckle lock, but
Regal gets back up, and put son a side headlock.
Regal wraps Armstrong's arm around his throat, so it's
reversed by Armstrong, and then done again by Regal.
Regal finally takes him down, and tosses Armstrong out
to Taylor, who proceeds to jack Armstrong with the
Union Jack. Finally Steve gets rolled back in, and
stomping away goes Regal. Headlock gets 2 for Regal
twice. R sets too early for a back body drop, gets a
boot and a clothesline, but kicks out in two. Regal
gets the advantage back with the European uppercut.
Regal with submission holds, but Armstrong back to his
feet, and finally takes him down. Punching away at
the head goes Armstrong, but dirty tricks gets regal
the advantage back. Another USA chant attempt tried,
but it isn't working. Finally, we have...a shot of
some women as Armstrong gets the advantage! Back body
drop and a right hand by Armstrong takes him down.
Armstrong off the ropes, but Taylor holds the leg.
Mickey Jay comes over to admonish Taylor, allowing
Regal to grab the Union Jack and clothesline Armstrong
with the flag pole. Jay turns around to count the 1,
2, 3! (8:20 ish. I don't know, but it was longer
than a trip to hell) Of course, all those pole shots
weren't enough to put Armstrong out earlier, but THIS
ONE did it.

And coming off our last set of commercials, it's time
for our main event...
Devon Storm vs. Chris Benoit: Devon gets the
advantage early, but Benoit comes back quickly and
just starts to destroy Devon. That includes knife
edge chops a plenty and a toss over the turnbuckle to
the floor. Benot with a dragon screw legwhip ON THE
FLOOR! Devon gives Benoit a drop toe hold ON A CHAIR
ON THE FLOOR. Storm with a big splash off the apron
ON THE FLOOR! Storm with a Hotshot on the apron ON
THE FLOOR! Back in the ring, Benoit kicks out, then
goes on the offense, with knife edge chops! Go behind
by Benoit out of the corner, reversed, reversed,
northern lights suplex for two! Front suplex by Storm
for 2. Summersalt legdrop for two. Singapore lariat
by Storm. He heads for the top rope, Benoit back
up...SUPERPLEX! Both men up! Benoit with punches and
chops on Storm! Whip, reversed, Benoit grabs the top
rope and back body drops Storm over! But Storm holds
on! Benoit with the throat slash (or the 15 yard
penalty), but he doesn't see Storm coming. Kidney
punch by Storm. But Benoit comes right back. German
Suplex #1...#2...#3! Now the slash again by Benoit!
I'm starting to mark out just a bit here! To the top
rope...swan dive headbutt! He stands Storm
up...Crippler Crossface!!!! Storm taps immediately!
(6:15) That my friends might just be the Saturday
Night Match of the Year! Forget that Benoit won,
Storm was pretty darn good himself!

So that's our show for this week. And I don't get to
tell you any of that crappy stuff about myself that
you wouldn't really care about anyway. Oh darn!
There's always next week, I assume.