No Dignity In Loneliness (Looking The Other Way).

I've been awol since Friday, it just couldn't be helped. I sincerely hope you had a swell weekend?

During some down time over the weekend I watched reruns of Devious Maids. Below is a dialogue between wealthy socialite, Mrs Delatour and her maid of over 20 years Zoila. Mrs Delatour is going back to her ex husband who not only cheated on her severally with no regard, but did so even with her friends and her own sister.

Mrs Delatour: we're going ahead with the wedding

Social: Why!!!

Mrs Delatour: I love him

Zoila: Love someone else!

Mrs Delatour: I have... But when I'm alone at night, he's the one I think about

Zoila: he will continue to cheat on you

Mrs Delatour: I wouldn't be the first wife that learns to look away...

Zola: I don't understand you. Where's your dignity?

Mrs Delatour: What's dignified about growing old alone?

...

Shortly after this scene I happened upon a mail supposedly sent to Joro Olumofin by a 52 year old woman who's been married for 30 years and I read her advise for younger wives.

The conversation between Mrs Delatour and Zoila is an apt depiction of marriages today. You get cheated on left, right and centre but you know, you might as well deal with it. Besides the alternative is much more dreadful than infidelity; being alone. The chances of a woman finding love (or companionship) once she reaches a certain age are very veeeeery slim, so...its best to sit your ass down and look the other way.

And then not long after I read that mail and once again, the words of another older woman who's been married for the length of my life advices young women like myself to look the other way, just like Mrs Delatour is doing.

I'm not sure what to make of all this. In my past relationships the thought of my man cheating was something I couldn't quite deal with. Yet I'm being told that in marriage I would most likely be cheated on, and I would have no choice but to accept it and continue to love and support my husband while he philanders.

Nna nawa oh, this marriage of a thing isn't for the faint-hearted...

My people, what do you make of the mail sent to Joro Olumofin. Do you think it's good advise or nah? Are you currently in a relationship/marriage with an unfaithful man, how have you handled it so far?

Comments

While i am not trying to make excuses for the married men at this huge accusation, it is almost impossible not to. And cheating isnt just about getting down the sack as it is as simple as a lustful look and for that WE ALL (guys and gals) are very guilty.

In problem resolution, I have been taught and also experienced that confrontation NEVER gives a solution, instead it aggravates. I have learnt to tow the line of "non-violent means' of pretest, if u get what i mean.

We all have our coping mechanism. Which ever one decides ,to stay or to leave is up to the individual. Most people might say i can't and would never tolerate a cheat. But when faced with the reality you just might think or do otherwise. Thelma biko do you have gowns to give away? I'm in dire need of some. Lovely week to us all.

My hubby is a serial cheat, I was sick for days when I found out, I cried and he promised it won't happen again but it continued but now am over it and am a changed person, I have accepted that someone can love you and still cheat on u and I ve included myself as that someone, I used to chase my toasters away but that has changed, I now collect a lot of money from them and encourage them, if need be, I ll sleep with any of them I like without any remorse, do me I do you, God no go vex!!, that way we are both happy and surviving

Lol @ it's not ok but it's ok. What's good for the goose... But then my people say two wrongs... In fact I don't know biko. Anon whatever you decide make sure it's a decision you can peacefully live with.

Thelma - look for genuine marriages and aspire to that. We don't all steal because we want nicer things, likewise we don't all cheat and not every man will cheat. When it gets to the point that a relationship is abusive - cheating is abuse - we have a choice to stay or let it go....folks need to stop with the lonliness crap, it's never either lonliness or tolerance of garabage - there is the other option of happiness undiluted. If you want a husband simply pray to GOd for the type you want- don't pray for a faithful man and go and marry a town boy or a man who doesn't like the comfort of his own home. We women need to stop this victim shit...

I love you Tolulope.I love the trust and confidence you have in your husband.May God Almighty bless your home.I need to hear more of this,thanks to you and miss pink.Every where you turn you hear tales of cheating husbands and the few ones who say their husbands areen't cheating are told its because they havent caught them yet.All this just USED to make me scared of marriage and not even trust my boyfriend even after he has proven and told me so many times that he made up his mind a long time ago to be faithful.Notice the word "used"? That's because you just gave me the courage to let go and trust and believe because 'what you believe,you receive'.God bless you and bless your hubby and your cute little princess.I just wish there were more people with you and miss pynk's mindsets.Thank you again.

I love you Tolulope.I love the trust and confidence you have in your husband.May God Almighty bless your home.I need to hear more of this,thanks to you and miss pink.Every where you turn you hear tales of cheating husbands and the few ones who say their husbands areen't cheating are told its because they havent caught them yet.All this just USED to make me scared of marriage and not even trust my boyfriend even after he has proven and told me so many times that he made up his mind a long time ago to be faithful.Notice the word "used"? That's because you just gave me the courage to let go and trust and believe because 'what you believe,you receive'.God bless you and bless your hubby and your cute little princess.I just wish there were more people with you and miss pynk's mindsets.Thank you again.

Before I got married, my answer would have been walking on a cheating husband. but when i was faced with the reality in my marriage, i realised it was not as simple. especially when you have kids and are still very much in love with your husband. so lets say i used to immediately shut down male attention before but now i am more open to it. i flirt and i will go on a few dates or maybe even date someone if i ever found anyone worthy. lets just say if i ever meet anyone worth my while, my hsband will be the last person's feelings i consider. i am not going to hook up with anyone just cos he cheated but if i meet anyone i feel is worthy, i wont be looking back.

I can't tell you the level of hurt. I totally adored my hubby and for a long time I felt he did me too. Maybe it's the hurt talking. But all I do now is pray for God to take away this hurt and resentment. And its hard but I pray for him too. And already I have seen God turn things around.

I think people should go into marriage with open minds,what happened to mrs x does not mean it will happen to you. Truly men easily cheat but it takes Gods grace and a lot of self discipline/self control for a man to resist. I do not believe that all men cheat. Women,cheating back on your husband is not the solution! What will you say to your kids if caught in a compromising situation? Jackie

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TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something? That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you?
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few.
-owning a blog
-week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).
-staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.