My Son’s Being Bullied: I Told Him To Hit Back

Not exactly going for the Muhammad Ali strategy on the playground, but I want my son to defend himself if he needs to.

At day camp the other day, my son’s friend, let’s call him Bobby, was being tormented by a self-anointed “King of the Wedgies.” The Wedgie King’s real name was Charlie. When I asked Jake why Charlie was King, Jake explained: “He told us to call him that.”

Charlie delivered a trademarked turbo wedgie. He’d chase a child around, jump on top of him and pull his underwear high up until his victim screamed for mercy. This week, Bobby was the target. The first time, the wedgie wasn’t a big deal. Kids give wedgies. Underwear is a fascinating things for boys who are consumed, like my kid is, with poop jokes and farting. The next day, the wedgie abuse continued, but was much worse. For the three hours Jake was at camp with Bobby, the King of the Wedgies dolled out multiple wedgies and tackling to Bobby. Bobby, it should be known, is a fast, tough, smart kid. So it was a surprise that he was getting hammered by this other child daily.

Bobby’s mother–who has been one of my best friend’s for 20 years–talked to the counselors. She and her husband talked to the camp director. They talked to the boy’s parents. The next day was the same as the day before. Bobby was getting wedgied by The King of the Wedgies. “He chased me, knocked me down and gave me a turbo wedgie,” Bobby explained.

Please don’t tell me that multiple wedgies are boys-will-be-boys behavior. Repeatedly putting your hands down someone’s pants and grabbing someone’s underwear until it hurts them is behavior from a shitty kid. This is not boy-like behavior. This is bullying.

Literally a day later, I heard from another friend that her son had been picked on daily at completely different camp. This friend talked to counselors. They coached their son to use strong words. In the end, they told their son that if someone was pushing him, that it was okay to push back.

Here’s another example. About a year ago, a boy punched Jake in the face. I told him that if someone hits him that way, that he has my permission to hit him back. There are moments in life where defending yourself or hitting back is acceptable. It sends a message, doesn’t it? One hit back and there’s a pretty safe chance that the other child is going to steer clear of my child. Playground mentality hasn’t changed much in the past 100 years. There’s always been bullies. Of course I told my son that you use strong words first. You say, “Don’t hit me.” You tell a teacher. You tell me. You walk away. You play with other kids. But someone punches you in the face? Nah. Maybe my hard edge is from my father who used to box in his younger days. He was never bullied.

Here’s another story: my mother, one of the biggest pacifists I know, was called a “dirty Jew” by someone on the playground. This was in the 1950s. Flatbush, Brooklyn. She turned around and hit the kid in the face. The principal –who also happened to be a Jew–said to my mother, “I know why you did it and I’m glad you did.”

Gotta love your parents, Hayley. Your mom punches a kid who calls her a ‘Dirty Jew’ (what a great principal, too for saying what he said); and your dad used to box (why am I not surprised by that). How cool. Jake obviously comes from good stock, so I’m sure he’s not going to take anything from any self-proclaimed Kings of the playground.

My son just got suspended for three days for hitting another kid. He thought I would punish him worse, but I just can’t do it. The other kid got in his face and was calling “gay”, “fag”. The kid was also making fun of my husband and I. I can’t blame my son for punching the kid in defense of himself and his family. Verbal abuse is not to be taken lightly. I don’t disagree with my son being suspended, I just think the other kid should be be punished just as severly. After my son hit this kid, anther boy hit my son and wasn’t punished at all. Why the double standard?

The other kid was bullying your child and as we’ve seen, emotional abuse can push someone over the edge faster than a punch. I’m sorry your boy went through this. Though this may sound controversial, I’m glad he defended himself.

My 13 year old son was suspended today for punching a boy that has been calling him names for a week and has bullied him in previous school years. Our school district, which supposedly has a “No Tolerance” bullying policy, has never really done anything to help my son with the bullying he has been subject to, so, in his words, he decided to handle things himself. Probably needless to say, though my son was suspended for trying to get this kid to leave him alone, the other kid will likely only get a detention for the persistent name calling that pushed my son to his limit.

Kerry, thanks for sharing. I hope the school takes prior history into consideration for this kind of situation. Then some mediation (as in talking and open group discussion) should be implemented along with disciplinary action. Otherwise, good for your son. This might sound very unpopular, but that kid isn’t going to mess with your kid again.

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Hayley (@hayleykrischer) and Miri (@novogrodsky) are the Femamoms. We cover everything that has to do with the edgy mom lifestyle–political, silly, irreverent, whiny and even the most trivial. We’re also unapologetically full of conflicts. Brownies and Botox. Organic and Fruit Loops. Prudes and sluts. We heart you for joining the discussion. And though we're super friendly, we don't tolerate rudeness.