My goal is to write about my experiences, share what I have learned, and hopefully help someone deal with and free themselves from their narcissist. My secondary goal, is to let out all so much I have held in for years and quietly suffered. I do this as a means to continue to heal.

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About Me

I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic.
My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Here we go again

I enjoyed the summer with the kids- three thousand miles away from the narcissist. It was great for everyone involved. The truth of the matter is I had to give up having my kids close to me all the time to get away from the crazy guy. It was not an easy decision to come to, but I saw how he was roping the kids into his games just to get even with me. So as painful as it was, I left and resigned to see them for only three months of the year. As painful and as unfair I know this is, it was the best solution to a difficult situation. I just dropped my kids off with their dad and less than an hour later I got a nasty email from him accusing me of stealing their medical and ID cards because as he puts it that I am not their custodial parent. He also insinuates that I must have had a team of medical experts check them out over the summer and that he wants all their records. Pattern... yes pattern.

We are about to go to court again because he violated the terms of our divorce decree less than two months after it was signed. You see, he was supposed to have them fly into a mutually agreed upon airport or if an agreement could not be made. Instead he flew them into an airport that was five hours away and the return flight was for 6 am. UGH!

Every time we are about to go to court, I get accused of something. And if it isn't me, it is the kids' teachers who step forwards and are willing to testify on my behalf. This is the pattern that I am referring to. I feel badly for everyone that gets involved. This past year, he had a teacher fired from their school.

I moved three thousand miles to get away from this insanity... so I could survive and be sane. I could not take it anymore. The constant calling of the police, making false allegations, showing up at my work place, trying to get me fired, stalking me, trying to bait me into another chaotic situation that I would have to deal with. It was all too daunting.

I wanted to desperately to be able to move with the kids and get them away from all this lunacy. Unfortunately I lived in a state that punishes you for trying to get away from an abusive person with your children. For this, I get judged all the time as a heartless mother. But to those critics, I say to you- have you ever experienced true narcissism. I could have stayed and I would have continued to deteriorate. My kids would have been ensnared in all the mess every day. I would have had to interact with him on a much more regular basis. At least now, the kids can see me without the chaos and the drama- in my home, in my safe haven, away from the narcissist. I get some sense of peace and so do they.

I try to limit my interaction with my narcissist. It is for my own benefit. But when he feels I haven't given him sufficient attention, he stirs up trouble for me... and all I can say is "here we go again". Reasoning with this lunatic is a complete and utter waste of time. Unless you comply exactly as he demands, he will relentlessly make your life completely miserable. So, I realize that there is little I can do. The best thing for me to do is to limit my interaction with him and let him do his own thing. He stated to me that he will get the ID cards from me by "any means necessary".

I actually hope he does... I hope he calls the police, the government, the lawyers, whomever he deems necessary... because I have the paperwork that says I have the right. Just getting the cards was a painstaking hassle. I had to repeatedly remind him of our divorce decree and that he is in contempt of court if he doesn't provide them to me... what a pain and what an ass he is and will always be.

So, I have taken away many of the ways he used to hurt me. It is much harder for him to hassle me from three thousand miles away. So he resorts to minute, trivial things like insurance cards. How pathetic that he spends his time inventing new ways to get to me. I should be somewhat flattered by all the attention he gives me... "hey crazy guy, I didn't know I was worth all the trouble". The less attention I give this guy, the more he spends his time and energy... He just can't stand to be ignored and I can't wait until the day he does ignore me for good. I just want some peace and to enjoy by time with the kids... isn't it enough for him that he gets the kids the majority of the time? Nothing is enough for the narcissist.

I needed to vent and let out some frustration in my blog today. Now, it is time for me to live my life and to not think about him. I have decided to ignore the email that he shot back at me today until friday. I am going to enjoy the rest of the week. He can stew in his own misery and wonder why I haven't bothered to give him the time of day by reading his pathetic, sophomoric replies. :)