Is that ok if I threaten my child to give them to care?

Su - posted on 11/26/2013
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Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed with my eldest daughter who is now 11 y.o. She is very demanding, completely stubborn (like me) and very argumentative. Also, I am not the type of person who is strong in a psychological sense. I was abused (physically and sexually) when I was a child and that left me with so many scars and issues. However, I still love my 2 kids and want them to be happy, safe and successful. I think my daughter has sensed my vulnerability and she is playing on it. What hurts a lot as well is that she would go and talk to other people about how strict I am with her (in terms of how much sweet I give her and how much telly she is allowed to watch, etc). I think she tends to exaggerate sometimes to get people’s attention and so that comes back firing at me, and it hurts when I realise what she actually feels about me.. That’s why, out of my hopelessness, sometimes i tell her that she may end up in social care, but just uttering words is making her swing from complete arrogance and stubbornness to complete anxiety and fear. What should i do? Is there other steps I should take to help us with our relationship? Please don’t suggest counselling as the shorter and most efficient type (like CBT) it is too expensive. I feel I need a third party to monitor, regulate and facilitate communication and re-set boundaries for both of us as I don’t want to be smacking her at the age of 11 and 12 (she is nearly my hight and equals my strength)… please help