Letting Go

The sudden death of a young mother lends a stirring depth to her poetry.

Pearl Simmons, died unexpectedly on August 21, 2002, four days after contracting a bacterial infection, leaving behind her husband and three young children (pictured above).

Pearl's life passion was helping children develop their potential. She taught a "Positive Parenting" series at Children's' Hospital in Pittsburgh, and wrote the "Parenting Today" column in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

She believed that every child was special, and that by treating children right you would get the best from them.

Pearl's passing at age 42 leaves a great void in her family, her many students, and the Jewish community in which she was so active.

She wrote the following inspirational poem in 1997.

* * *

"Letting Go"

I can't protect you any more.
I can't make your hurt go away.
I tell you I love you and show you I care.
I try to help out when things don't seem fair.

But my power as a mother goes only so far.
I can't always reach the places you are.
I want to be close like we were before,
But you want to move on -- to discover what's more.

When you were a baby, I'd hold you tight,
And keep you forever within my sight.
I could satisfy your every need,
It was an easy time for us indeed.

And when you were a toddler and scraped your knee,
You'd hold out your arms and run to me.
I'd kiss where it hurt and make it feel fine.
A hug and a kiss worked every time.

I was always the one you turned to then.
I wish it could be like that again.
But now when you're sad you turn away,
And I don't know what words to say.

You're my little boy, but you're growing up fast.
I feel you slipping from my grasp.
I want to hold on, but I know it's time
For me to let go of this child of mine.

I long to protect you, to shield you from pain.
But I have to remind myself time and again,
That you have to experience life on your own,
While I stand back and leave you alone.

You're still so young, but you've already found
How kids can be mean when I'm not around.
School kids tease you and call you names.
They make fun of you and play cruel games.

I tell you not to worry, that it'll be alright
I tell you to be brave, yet I can't make things right.
I try to listen and to hold you near,
To give you solace and allay your fear.

I try to be there when the going gets tough.
Sometimes growing up can be so rough.
But I also feel proud of the person you are.
I know that you're strong and that you'll go far.

I realize it's time to start letting go.
I've taught you so much of the things that I know.
As you step forward, I'll take two steps back.
It's not easy for me, but I'll soon get the knack.

I'm letting go, but I'll never be far.
You can always reach me, wherever you are.
I watch you proudly as you start on your way.
My love goes with you as we start a new day.

About the Author

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Visitor Comments: 10

(10)
jklarr,
October 17, 2011 4:12 AM

loneliness of letting go..

I have raised 3 great kids, 2 boys and one girl, but my middle son, who is 24 has stayed home, I have always been close to him , you love all your kids but differently, he has helped me to understand and see things clearer and the good in others.. He has a very high IQ and has a hard time communicating with other, feels like he is on a different level.. so we have always been close... well its now time for him to go out and find life on his own.. this has been the hardest thing next to my brothers death .. for me to deal with. I have been the most positive around him.. telling him he will do wonders in his life.. while on the other side of the door I'm falling apart.. He is going back to our home town Utah.. We are going to try to go later if things go right.. and I know this but in this time the economy, selling our home will determine it all... Love your kids ,, take the time to read.. or just listen.. cause the time goes by to fast.. and then their gone.. I read many many poems tryin to find the right one.. and this one was it.. every thing I wanted him to know ... LOVE YOUR PARENTS AND LOVE YOUR KIDS.. AND PETS TO..♥

(9)
Tia,
May 25, 2010 3:30 PM

Fate works in strange ways

We grow up just to get away from our parents who gave up their "lives" to take care of us.
I just turned 18. I'm graduating in 10 days! And all my life all I wanted was to just get away from my mom. Her caring was to much for me. Her protecting was like jail. She'd talk to me and I'd just yell back, why? Now here I am..about to move on my own and I already miss her. I feel like I wasted so much of my time as a "teenager" and treating my mom like crap, wanting to get away..and I don't want to go.
This poem was very emotional for me. Seeing it through the mothers eyes of letting go..and now that she's gone, her children are the ones letting go..I've never cried from a poem before..but this one truly touched my heart..

(8)
Katherine,
November 2, 2009 12:40 PM

Touching

I too am reading this poem with tears down my face. It is just so beautiful. Your children will always be your children no matter how old they are. Thank you.

(7)
Anonymous,
May 16, 2008 12:31 PM

Understand

I too have been close to my daughter for 17 years, and now she is pulling away and wanting to go in her own direction. It is so difficult letting go and realizing that you children don''t need you like they did when they were young.

(6)
Lydia's Mom,
April 29, 2008 9:15 PM

I can relate to this poem so well

I am going through "letting go" right now and this poem touched my heart. My only daughter and I have been so close all her life. We were more like sisters. She has gone to college and has a boyfriend, whereas, we have grown apart. I know these are normal things to go through but I miss her and I miss the times we had together. I like the part, as you step forward, I'll take two steps back...Thats just what we have to do and trust God with the rest :)

(5)
Sad mom,
May 18, 2007 9:30 AM

I feel this poem!

It is exactly how I feel at this point, writing this, with tears running down my face. My daughter was everything to me, when we had our other daughter, when she was 10, she slowly became her own person without emotion towards me. I feel so sad as she turns fifteen. How her friends are much more important to her. It saddens me because I see other daughters close to their mothers and mine just wants to be on her own......

(4)
Patrick,
October 7, 2005 12:00 AM

Very Moving

My mom is 91y/o, and thugh I have had her in my life for a long time I could hear her saying these words to me. It brought me to tears as I visualized her saying these words to me. She suffers from dementia. What a gifted writer; one that has moved the heart of this son.

(3)
Sherry,
October 8, 2004 12:00 AM

very touching & the true feelings of a Mother

This poem had me in tears by the second verse. I am a Mother of 3 teens. My oldest, a 17 yr. old daughter is coming up fast and I'm afraid for her and very frustrated that i do not know how to express my love and my concern for her at this time in her life. We were soooo close at one time, but friends changed, styles changed and so did she. This poem helped me to find the words to express how I feel at this point in our lives. To you who wrote this poem, God Bless you! You have great talent and your pain has hlped heal others, thank you! Sherry

(2)
Carol Rudroff,
October 7, 2002 12:00 AM

Pearl's words echo the sentiments of a great mom.

Pearl has captured the essence of what motherhood is all about...nurturing with joy and enduring the pain with strength from the heart. I'm sure her gifts will always be reflected in her beautiful family.

(1)
Jacquelone Ivy Lin,
September 20, 2002 12:00 AM

The Poem Connected To The Depths of My Heart

The poem was beautiful weaving the reality of growing up with courage, love, and respect for the child.

I did not have a loving but firm mother when I was growing up but I would like to set women, like Pearl Simmons, as my example to become a loving, supportive, forgiving, and respectful mom.

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!