An Arizona brewer has come out with a new "Chili" Beer. It's essentially beer flavored with chilie. Now, Who is this for? ppl who feel their not spending enough time in the restroom?-Jay Leno

I don't get no respect. THe time I got hurt, on the way to the hospital the ambulance stopped for gas.-Rodney Dangerfield

Six flags just had thier billionth visitor. Whe nthey asked the man what hed do with the prize money, he replied "I'm going to Disney World!"-Jay Leno

All creatures must learn to co-exist. That's why the brown bear and the field mouse can share thier lives and live in harmony. Of course they can't mate or else the mice would explode-Betty Whitefrom Golden Girls

What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.

ok, this teacher walks into her classroom and on the chalkboard she sees the word penis written on it in small letters. she thought nothing of it and just erased it. the next day she walks in her classroom and the word penis is written again on the chalkboard, but in bigger letters this time. she again erases it. then, the next day she comes in and the word penis is written in even bigger letters than before. the teacher looks around to see if there are any suspects, but she sees none. so she erases it. this continues for a few more days with penis written on the board and in bigger letters each time. on the last day of the week she expects to see the word penis again in bigger letters, but instead it says on the board, the more u rub it the bigger it gets.

Okay so this won the funniest joke in the world or something just recently..

A guy from New Jersey is hunting in the woods with his buddy. Out of the blue his buddy starts to become ill and falls to the ground. The hunter bends down to inspect his friend and finds that hes not breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. So the hunter pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.

911: 911 is this an emergency?

Hunter: Yes my friend and I were hunting in the woods and he all of a sudden fell over and I think hes dead.

911: Well first things first we have to make sure that your friend is dead.

Okay so this won the funniest joke in the world or something just recently..

A guy from New Jersey is hunting in the woods with his buddy. Out of the blue his buddy starts to become ill and falls to the ground. The hunter bends down to inspect his friend and finds that hes not breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. So the hunter pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.

911: 911 is this an emergency?

Hunter: Yes my friend and I were hunting in the woods and he all of a sudden fell over and I think hes dead.

911: Well first things first we have to make sure that your friend is dead.

The 911 operator hears silence on the phone followed by a loud BANG!

Hunter: Okay now what?

Oh that was a funny joke Thanks. I needed a laugh tonite.

What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.

Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

One day there was a guy named Odd. Every day of his life he was teased 'cause of his name. On his deathbed before he died, his last wish was to have nothing written on his tombstone so that noone would ever make fun of him. But whenever someone passed by his grave and saw nothing written on his tombstone, they would say outloud, "how odd!"

Here's another joke.

There was a family of moles that lived in a hole in the corner of a kitchen. The holes entrance was no bigger than one adult mole.
One day momma mole suddenly stuck her nose through the entrance and proclaimed, "What's that smell? I smell syrup."
Daddy mole than squeezed his way next to her with his nose barely making it to the entrance and said, "That's not syrup, that's honey!"
Than out of curiosity, the baby mole squeezed really hard, between his parents and stuck his nose through the hole and said in puzzlement, "I don't smell syrup or honey?! I smell moleasses!!!"

The Miss America pagent is considering adding an academic competition, where contestants will have to answer muliple choice questions about history. Which means that it may be harder to become Miss. America then to become president of the United States.-Conan O'Brien

The Miss America talent Competition is tough. Miss New York, using only a coat hanger, can break into a Lexus. And the entire time she's smoking.-David Letterman

Ray Charles was given a suprise party for his 70th birthday. All his friends jump out from...well..nothing.-Craig Killborn

You know what Bo Diddley got for his birthday? Diddley Squat-Jay Leno

A woman has written a book claiming that she was married to Bob Dylan for six years. The marriage wasn't really a secret, but when Dylan told ppl about it, They couldn't understand what he was saying.-Conan O'Brien

What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.

The hardest thing about getting out of a relationship is listening to the radio. Because every every song is about being in love, or being heartbroken. I found the only song I was comforable with was the Peter, Paul and Mary song "If I had a Hammer"-Ellen DeGeneres

A woman was in court because she's still breast feeding her five year old. And you thought you were imbarrased when your mom brought your lunch to school-Jay Leno

I lost a buttonhole today-Steven Wright

I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour-Steven Wright

What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.