Afraid Of What Lies Ahead For Tiger Lilly

I’ve talked about how I am not fearless, and how I think being brave has more to do with facing your fears than not being afraid. I know there are areas of my life that are limited by fear, and I’m struggling with that. It’s usually cycling that instills such a visceral reaction–butterflies in my stomach, a racing heart rate, even tears–but these days there is something else that has me afraid of what lies ahead.

DM is a disease of the spinal cord that is progressive and untreatable. While it does not cause pain itself, affected dogs will lose coordination and strength in their hind legs, eventually becoming paraplegic as the disease progresses. After that point–which can take 6-12 months from diagnosis–owners are usually encouraged to make “the humane choice” as dogs lose their quality of life.

Tiger Lilly’s first symptoms mimicked arthritis–we noticed that her hind legs sometimes would slip on our bare floors. At our vet’s recommendation we started giving her glucosamine. Although she loved the cheese-flavored tablets, she still fell from time to time.

It was a Saturday in February when I saw her walk up a carpeted step with her paw upside down. I later learned that was a sign of propioceptive ataxia–loss of awareness of the position of her joints/body parts. A visit to a veterinary neurologist for a full exam, MRI and spinal tap ruled out other causes, and a DNA test confirmed that she carries two copies of the mutation associated with degenerative myelopathy.

So, what lies ahead is months of watching Tiger Lilly lose her strength bit by bit, each day drawing us nearer to the day when we will have to make that terrible, loving decision. For now, she still enjoys her walks, but I can see a wobble in her hind legs when she stops to sniff out a particularly interesting spot. For now, she still has the run of the house, but we have covered most of floors with area rugs and try not to let use the stairs unescorted. For now, I’ve convinced my husband that letting her climb up on the sofa is good exercise for her, because I know snuggling with her is good therapy for me.

I know others face harder struggles. I know others are called on to be brave in the face of much worse fears when parents, spouses, siblings, or children have grave diagnoses. But for me, for now, this is my hard. I am not facing it fearlessly, but I will be brave when I need to be, although I guarantee there will be buckets of Boxer-sized tears.

29 Responses to Afraid Of What Lies Ahead For Tiger Lilly

Aww, I am so sorry about your poor dog. When our animals are hurting it is so hard for them to understand what is going on. I’ve never heard of this problem but do wish you luck with keeping Tiger Lily comfortable for her remaining days. Our little Lulu does sleep in our bed (on her own tiny bed) and yes, she has the run of the house, furniture etc. Spoiled little pupPam recently posted…London Marathon Expo and Trip Photos

This makes me so sad! After losing my baby Cleo earlier this year, I debated whether or not it would have been better to have some warning. I still don’t know. I don’t think it’s easy to lose a pet either suddenly or after a prolonged illness. Give Tiger Lily tons of love. And yes, let her on the furniture and your bed. What can I say?Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home recently posted…Lessons Learned: Big Sur Marathon

Okay, I admit I could not read this post to the end cus it made me teary eyed and I’m at work. Can’t be crying at work.
I o know how you feel though cus I went through this with our Weimaraner an now our Labrador is not well. It’s tough and it’s scary. Your girl is beautiful.

oh this is so sad! It must be so hard to watch her lose her strength and know that she might be hurting. All you can do is keeping being the best doggie mom to her that you can. hugsDeborah @ Confessions of a mother runner recently posted…American Odyssey Relay-Gettysburg to DC

Our Molly has DM. Obviously, she is a much smaller dog (14 lb pug) so it’s a lot easier for her to get around despite the weakness in her hind legs (which at this point, don’t work more than they do), and for us to offer assistance, but we got her a cart and she has been much more active and mobile. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me and I can share the info I have. Love on that sweet girl lots and lots. She’s a beauty. <3Jenn recently posted…wednesday word: fearless

I am so so sorry. 🙁 There is nothing wrong with being sad, or grieving loss (or potential loss) of pets. They are family. We love them, care for them and grieve them like we do our other loved ones. I hope Tiger Lily’s journey is comfortable. It’s great she’s surrounded by her people who love her. Big hugs. 🙁

Thank you so much. With our kids out of the house, she really is our baby now. And, yes, it’s good that DM doesn’t cause pain itself, so TL is happy for now.Coco recently posted…Afraid Of What Lies Ahead For Tiger Lilly

Awe…my thoughts are with you. We have gone through many hamsters (I know, not quite the same thing as a dog), and it gets really difficult in those final months when you can see them slowing down. We’ve had our dog 15 months, and he is such a vital (?) member of the family, I can’t imagine what it will be like when his time comes. That is many years down the road, thankfully, but I am already dreading being in the position of making “decisions.”Kimberly Hatting recently posted…Fearless…A Long Time Coming

As a dog mama, my heart goes out to you Coco! They are members of the family and IT IS HARD. I’m glad she will not be in pain! I’d absolutely snuggle with her as much as possible. That’s a beautiful picture of her sitting in the cherry blossoms!HoHo Runs recently posted…Fearless Training

So sorry to read this. It sounds like you are surely giving her good quality of life, even with DM. My dog had IVDD and started losing a lot of functionality in her legs around age 7, though she stuck around til nearly 10 (this January). When you spoke of area rugs, my life with her last year came flooding back to me, bittersweet. I will say, though she was a much smaller dog, we found good success with the products from http://www.gingerlead.com/ to help us with her potty processes, etc. Best of luck. You are doing everything you can – rest assured, she knows you love her no matter.

I’m so sad to hear about Tiger Lilly’s diagnosis. That is really scary. Sending comforting thoughts your way! Dogs become so much a part of our family and I know this is tough.Meagan recently posted…Ragnar Trail Relay Richmond – Leg 1 Race Report

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To the extent anything I write here may be construed as "advice" please take it with a grain of salt, filtered through your own best judgment, and at your own risk. I am not a medical professional, registerd dietician, pyschaitrist, psychologist, priest or otherwise professionally qualified or licensed to provide health, fitness, nutrition, psychological or spiritual advice.