Who Am I? Shaken, Broken, Shattered, It Doesn’t Matter, I am His!

28 “And why worry about clothes? Look how the wild flowers grow: they do not work or make clothes for themselves. 29 But I tell you that not even King Solomon with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers. 30 It is God who clothes the wild grass—grass that is here today and gone tomorrow, burned up in the oven. Won’t he be all the more sure to clothe you? What little faith you have!Matthew 6:28-30 (TEV)

13 You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb.14 I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful.I know it with all my heart.15 When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother’s womb,when I was growing there in secret,you knew that I was there—16 you saw me before I was born. The days allotted to mehad all been recorded in your book,before any of them ever began.17 O God, how difficult I find your thoughts; how many of them there are! 18 If I counted them, they would be more than the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you! Psalm 139:13-18 (TEV)

54 You enjoy an interior happiness and peace that you would not exchange for anything in the world. God is here. There is no better way than telling him our woes for them to cease being such. (1)

This is a hard blog to write, but perhaps it will make a difference.

Sunday, I was watching a new television show I’ve waited a while to see. It was pretty good, if a bit over the top at times.

But there was a scene that resonated to much with me. Like a crystal goblet resonating with a soprano’s high tone, it shook me a little to much. I’m still not sure if it shattered me, but it did come pretty close. It kept me awake most of Sunday night, and haunted me a bit since. it brought back memories from some of my darker days, days when I wasn’t sure who I was, or whether I fit in this world. Even more,it made me wonder how I adapted and changed to survive. Is the adapted me, really me?

I’ve only been shaken that much a time or two in my life. My Cardiac Arrest didn’t shake me like this. My heart valve replacement surgery did, but only for an hour. This… struck deeper to home. I know the other times, but even thinking of them… yeah – can’t go there.

The only consolation is that I remembered before that point in my life, I always wanted to be a pastor, (well back then, a priest ) I wanted to teach people about God, I wanted to give them the the Eucharist, the sacrament where Jesus gives us His Body, His Blood.

This morning, stiff and sore from working out, I got to my office. Getting out of the car slowly, I spotted the rose pictured with this blog. I took a picture of it, tweeted it, thinking of the Psalm I quoted above. I thought of just quoting the 14th and 15th verse, and thinking of people who need to realize this. Then I saw the end of verse 18, and found myself. Or the me I need to know.

It resounded when I thought of the quote from St Matthew’s gospel, and then it slammed home when I read St. Josemaria’s words. Resounded enough to make me forget the other stuff, until I started righting this. And yet, like that rose, being right there, where I could focus on it while stretching after getting out the car, it took on a different tone.

God is here.

He made that rose, He listens to my cries. He cares for me, and each of us, far more than that incredibly beautiful rose.

it doesn’t matter whether I am an extrovert or an introvert. Whether I am understood by the world or not. Whether my thoughts, outside of those sharing Christ, are understood,

What matters is I am His people. All who trust in Him are, and He is calling out to all of you who aren’t, yet.

And knowing this, giving our Heavenly and PRESENT father, that brings the peace and joy we need, even when we are shaken, broken, and shattered….

We are His people, He is our God!

It is more than enough. It defines us better than anything else we could ever know.

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About justifiedandsinner

I am a pastor of a Concordia Lutheran Church in Cerritos, California, where we rejoice in God's saving us from our sin, and the unrighteousness of the world. It is all about His work, the gift of salvation given to all who trust in Jesus Christ, and what He has done that is revealed in Scripture. God deserves all the glory, honor and praise, for He has rescued and redeemed His people.