“Everyone must row with the oars that he has.”—English Proverb

Years ago, when I was first starting to earn good money, I thought I would go to see a financial planner to get started saving and investing for my retirement. We talked about my goals, and what amount of money I would like to live on when I was retired.

Then she made The Mistake. She calculated how much money I would have to have saved by age 65 in order to have enough to retire, adjusted by inflation. I remember the amount, because it seemed enormous and totally unreachable: $1.2 million. She told me that I would have to start saving $800 every month in order to reach my goal. Well, I was only making $2,000 per month at the time! There was no way that I could save $800 a month. It was a totally unreachable number to me. I thanked her very much for her time and left the office, thinking that I was never going to be able to retire, so I might as well not bother saving anything. And so, for years, I didn’t save a dime.

Here’s how to calculate the amount of money you’ll need at retirement: 1) Whatever you have now; plus 2) Ten million dollars.

That sounds like enough to make you feel safe, right? Financial advisors estimate that the percentage of Americans who can actually save enough money to afford a reasonable lifestyle for 25 years without working is about 3%.

Here’s the problem: over time, the retirement game has warped beyond any reasonable shape. It was invented in the 1930s along with Social Security, which set the retirement age at 65—because most people died at 63. It was only supposed to support the few people who lived beyond the average life expectancy for a few years. Now life expectance has risen to 78, so retirement should start at 80. Most people can save enough to last 5-10 years.

I spoke with a 50-something man the other day. He was burned out at his job and wanted to retire. But he was afraid. “I have enough money to last twenty years,” he said. “But if I live longer than that, it’s a problem.”

Living too long is a problem? No—the problem is working too hard and burning out. The problem is too much work and not enough vacation. The problem is not having work you love.

When was the last time you heard a movie star say, ‘I can’t wait until I have my pension funded so I can retire and stop making all these movies’? You never hear that. Because actors love their work. At ninety years old, they’re trying to convince insurance companies how healthy they are so that they can make a movie. They die onstage. They want to die working because they love their job.

The game of richest man in the world has been won already. Bill Gates is still working. The number two richest guy, Warren Buffet, just gave the number one guy all his money. He’s still going to work every day. The number thirteen guy, Sheldon Adelson, is still working, too – he has a five-year plan in place to become the number one guy. He’s 77 years old! Why bother? you might ask.

Just for fun is the answer.

Find work that you love doing and you won’t want to retire from it. Retire to do what? Lie on the beach? For how many days would that be interesting? You only think you want to lie on the beach because you haven’t had a good vacation. So go to Hawaii or Cabo or the Caribbean or someone’s backyard in Malibu now.

“More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: Back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.”—Robert Orben

Low Budget is a useful tool for occasional use. But too often I see people with the Low Budget Blues. They’ve gotten into the habit of Low Budget. They think poor: Tighten the belt, do without, never buy new, can’t afford it, shop at garage sales, eat cheap, sleep cheap, think cheap.

It’s great to be able to do this during a recession, a cash flow problem, between jobs, after a loss, or to save additional money for a large purchase. But too often people buy into Low Budget as if it was reality. Low Budget is a choice. When it becomes a choice for too long, it becomes a habit.

During my rough financial times, I lived on low budget for years. All available cash went to paying off debt. Even after filing bankruptcy, there were debts I was obligated to repay, such as approximately $12,000 in taxes. Though I was not required to, I repaid the smaller businesses I owed money—my accountant, my attorney, and some personal loans from friends. I started with very small payments. Then the more money I made, the bigger debt reduction payments I made.

It took me another four years past filing bankruptcy, but when I finally became debt-free, what a relief, what a celebration! A hundred pounds felt lifted from my shoulders. Then I realized I hadn’t a clue what I would spend money on instead of debts.

(Continued on page 140 of The Wealthy Spirit)

Today’s Affirmation: “I am now enjoying living on High Budget because I can afford it!”

Living cheaply is just not my idea of the Good Life. There are some popular financial blogs that are all about making do with less. It’s a good tool in its place, but that’s not the ultimate goal, is it? It has value from time to time, but it’s like everything else in life – you can overdo it and you can underdo it. The Middle Way is always the best way.

My friend, Nancy Sardella, of Worthwhile Referral Sources.com, one of my favorite networking groups, gave this instruction in one of her marketing seminars: “Stop clipping coupons and spend that extra hour on your marketing plan!”

Getting smaller won’t help you go big. Design your High Budget and look at that every day. Put your creative brain to work: revise your marketing plan, make another Gold Call (not cold call), write an article, post on your blog, post on Facebook, write an interesting tweet, get together with a friend and brainstorm ideas, raise your prices, add a product or service.

Living within your means is important, but not as important as increasing your means. Go make better means today!

“The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream.”—Hugh White

Annie the artist was concerned about the difficulty of selling art. The other members of the mastermind group listened attentively, ready to offer help. “I just took a great marketing class, said Annie, “and I’m having a difficult time coming up with a pain statement—a reason why people should buy my art because it will alleviate a pain they have. All around me I see people struggling with money and I can’t convince myself that they need to buy art. This makes selling art very difficult for me.”

Cynthia Masters spoke up then. A sleek, successful attorney, she smiled and said, “Oh, but art can be very important to a person, even when they don’t have a lot of money!” She said that when she had just moved to Los Angeles and was going to school, she had a job that paid her $384 a month—gross. After taxes, she had about $225 left and her rent was $145. She had $80 remaining for the balance of her expenses. This budget would be a Low Budget for anyone!

One day, she walked along La Cienega Boulevard with a friend, looking at all the pictures in the art galleries that lined the street. Suddenly, she saw a picture that stirred her heart and soul. She knew she just had to have it. It cost $125, but she bought it. She paid $5 per month every month until the picture was hers. It meant bologna instead of ham, it meant months of no extras. She had to struggle to make that payment. But she cherishes that picture, bought so long ago, that has continued to bring her joy every time she looks at it.

Some things are bought to alleviate a pain, others are bought purely to provide pleasure. There is a market and an approach for both. Everyone needs some special pleasure purchases in their lives. What have you bought that you truly treasure for the pleasure it brings you?

Today’s Affirmation: “I attract great beauty into my life!”

Sometimes we get so caught up in our obligatory bills that we forget that we need to nurture ourselves by spending money on something fun once in a while.

It doesn’t have to be a big sum or a big purchase. It can be a little thing like an ice cream cone in the middle of the day, going out to your favorite restaurant for dinner, buying that pretty necklace that makes you feel like a million bucks, or take a morning off and spring for a round of golf. (If it’s on a work day, you will have the added pleasure of playing hooky.)

Bobbi & Shelley with Ice cream cones in Rome

Don’t let any negative self-talk get in the way of your delight. Your job is to fully experience and relish enjoyment and pleasure!

This is a gift you give yourself. You work hard, you show up for your family and friends, you have problems that you face and challenges you overcome. You get to relax and have fun, too.

“Our Accounting Department is the office that has the little red box on the wall saying ‘In case of emergency break glass.’ And inside are two tickets to Brazil.”—Robert Orben

As I work with people to help them reduce their financial stress, I look at the choices they’ve made that put them in a financial position that isn’t viable. One of the problems that seems endemic is the mental habit of considering only two options before making a decision. When I question people’s choices in spending, they always have an answer of the other choice they considered that was worse: “I have to do X because the only other choice is to do Y, and Y is unacceptable.” This polarity keeps people from continuing to search for a better choice.

For example, a recent client and I were trying to solve her cash flow problems. She was spending more than she was making, so we were looking for ways to cut her expenses. She was in business for herself in the medical profession and dedicated to building her practice. I suggested we needed to cut to a minimum all personal expenses while she built her business and she agreed. When I asked about her housing costs, she admitted she was paying a lot of money for her house, but it was either that “or live in a tiny $400 per month cracker box apartment.”

“No, that isn’t the only choice!” I said…

(Continued on page 138 of The Wealthy Spirit)

Today’s Affirmation: “I always find exactly what I want at exactly the right price!”

Thinking creatively, asking for what you want, and being persistent – these three things will get you a lot of what you want. It was demonstrated for me again when I headed off for a long weekend to Pechanga Indian Casino in Temecula with my friends, Shelley and Debby.

I didn’t realize it had been over a year since I had been there, and so my free offers had expired – no free room, no coupons for $30 off the price of dinner, etc. I love my freebies so I was a little miffed that I had missed out by a mere two weeks. I called the casino marketing VIP department to see if I could wheedle my way in anyway, but no dice.

Since there were three of us and we needed three beds, we had to either get two rooms, or spring for a suite. Shelley and I had stayed in a suite once before (for free!) and it was really nice, so we booked that (it was actually $40 less than two rooms would have cost.

The day we were leaving, we checked the room charges on the TV, and it was $650 for the two-night stay. At breakfast, Debby convinced me to try negotiating with VIP services again, since we’d been there for 2 days and had played a lot of poker and slots. I was a little reluctant because I had tried already, but it didn’t hurt to ask in person either, so we stopped by.

The gal at the desk checked with the casino hosts, and they decided to give us one free night and one night at half-price! So instead of paying $650 the bill was only $275. Yay! We felt like winners!

“It is surprising how many improvements can come out of things that go wrong.”—Anonymous

In the end, financial stress reduction is simply this:

1. Earn more

2. Spend less

3. Find another way to have what you want

When we’re doing all we can to satisfy the first two requirements and yet when we see things we want that cost money, what can we do to stay within our budgets and still get what we want?

This is where you earn your graduate degree from M.S.U. (Make Stuff Up).

In the habit of spending a lot of money on clothes? Learn to sew, or trade services with a friend who sews. Buy too many books? Go to the library or create a circle of like-minded friends with whom you can trade books. Is enjoying nature your priority? Instead of feeling bad that you can’t afford to buy a house with acres of land, live somewhere that is close to a park or wildlife refuge and take a walk there every day. Or rent the guesthouse from someone whose main house is on lots of land.

In my financial darkest days, I lost my home to foreclosure. I had bought when the real estate market (and my business) was high. When the recession hit and the market and my business plummeted, I found I couldn’t sell it and I couldn’t meet the monthly payments of $1,650. Eventually, I had to give it back to the bank. It was a humiliating personal disaster.

One Friday night, I was playing cards with some girlfriends. They knew I was going through hard times, and one of the girls turned to me and said, “So where are you going to live now?” I said, “I don’t know.” She said, “Why don’t you move in here with Shelley?” And Shelley looked up from her cards and said, “Sure. You can move in with me.”

So I did. I moved into a gorgeous two-story, three-bedroom, three-bath, 3,000 square foot home in a beautiful hillside setting in a gorgeous neighborhood. The furniture was exquisite, the art to my taste and the Autumn color scheme looked made for me. It was the most beautiful—and most expensive—home I had ever lived in. Shelley and I got along great and it was fun having a roommate after years of living alone.

The rent? $200 per month. The value of the house does not appear on my balance sheet. But when I’m walking around in it, I can’t tell I don’t own it.

This particular scenario might not fit your lifestyle. Find one that does. Manage an apartment building in exchange for free rent. Be a professional house sitter. Don’t follow the “American Dream” of home ownership if it’s not your dream. If it is, and you do own a home, in an economic downturn you could find a roommate or two to share expenses. What else could you do? Think outside the box. Make something up.

You don’t have to be rich to live rich.

Today’s Affirmation: “I am a money magnet!”

Wonderful things happen if you just open up your mind to new opportunities and other ways of being. We get so wrapped up in what’s “normal” that we think there’s something wrong with us if we want to do things differently. But that just may be your Higher Self calling, whispering in the night that you might like life better if you lived it a little broader or deeper or more comedically.

My fortunes rose again better than ever after this housing debacle, but I still live in this house with Shelley. It’s been 17 years now. We’re great friends and companions and we both think it’s wonderful to share space.

Shelley on Main street Herculaneum

A networking friend of mine saw me at a meeting and said, “You’re doing so well now you can buy your own house!”

I looked at her like she was crazy. “Why would I want to do that?” I asked. “I go buy another house and then Shelley and I both have to live alone or go search for another congenial roommate?”

“But it’s a good investment,” she insisted. (Obviously, this was before the latest financial fiasco.)

“There are plenty of other good investments,” I said, “but a great roommate is hard to find!”

So I’m living my own version of the American Dream. A couple of women friends who took my class together decided they loved my idea, and bought a duplex together – one lives upstairs and the other downstairs. Terrific!

I know what it’s like to be unable to pay your bills. In fact, things once got so bad for me that I filed bankruptcy.

I had been on top of the world. My bookkeeping service had doubled every year and was now generating approximately $450,000 per year. I had twelve employees and a beautiful new office suite. But I had one major client who accounted for 75 percent of my income, and when they left with a mere two weeks notice, disaster loomed. Since I was absolutely strapped for cash, having been left with many financial obligations and no current means of paying for them, I borrowed $50,000 on credit cards.

Five years later, I had faithfully paid the minimum balances every month, but by then I had the habit of using credit cards whenever cash flow dipped. Compound interest ate me alive. By this time, I owed $80,000. Then my chief bookkeeper quit and decided to go into business for herself. A lot of my clients went with her. My ex-business partners asked when I was going to pay them for the purchase of the company. I tried to sell the condominium I purchased at the top of the real estate market in 1987, but its value had plummeted and I owed approximately $30,000 more than it was worth. It didn’t matter; I couldn’t find a buyer at any price. I could no longer pay my current bills, let alone my debts. The barrage of telephone calls from creditors was non-stop. So were my stress, anxiety, and tears.

A dear friend sent me to a bankruptcy specialist who exclaimed, “The bankruptcy laws were written for people like you!” He showed me that there was a way out, a path to forgiveness of my debts under the law, a new beginning for me after this failure. He pointed out that business involved risk, and that sometimes when you risk, you lose. The average millionaire files bankruptcy 3.5 times, he told me, and I was in some good company, with people such as Walt Disney, Donald Trump, Wayne Newton, Mark Victor Hansen, and R.H. Macy, founder of Macy’s department stores, who filed bankruptcy seven times before he was successful.

I filed. The credit card debt went up in smoke as though it had never been. The tension eked out of my body as I started to relax and breathe again. Of course, my credit was now a black smudge of ashes. But, after all, what did I need credit for? Only to borrow money, and that was what got me in trouble in the first place. I needed to learn to live without borrowing, just as I learned to live without drinking.

If you have ever stood in bankruptcy court and admitted your powerlessness over debt, forgive yourself and learn from the experience. If you have never had to do this, have compassion for those who have.

“The ultimate test of man’s conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard.”—Gaylord Nelson

Some of your goals may not be accomplished in your lifetime. But they are worth your effort, nonetheless. They are your gift to those that follow you. Likewise, it is important that we honor those who came before us, and gave us gifts through great sacrifices of their own. Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton worked tirelessly, all their lives, for women to have the right to vote, but died before the amendment was added to our Constitution. Were it not for them, half the citizens of the United States would have no say in our government.

But without the early patriots, we wouldn’t have a government. I visited Philadelphia and wandered around the city, looking at all the memorials and monuments. I stood in the room where the Declaration of Independence was written and tried to imagine the warm breath of the patriots there, who created a new nation out of their best ethics and beliefs. In sweat and blood they heaved forth a tiny, mewling infant country, “conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

A price was paid for this child of dreams, for this “government of the people, by the people, for the people.” The signers of the birth certificate of our nation faced loss of friends, family, homes, money, businesses, and lives. The debts were collected. They paid them all.

Of all the monuments in Philadelphia, the one that touched me most, that had me in helpless tears in the middle of a bright, sunny day, was an unprepossessing bronze plaque in the center of a small park. There were no crowds gathered around it, there were no tour guides, no music; it stood alone, a silent sentinel under the limbs of a shady tree. It marked a battlefield where soldiers laid down their lives in blood and muck so that this infant country might grow and prosper. So that I might have freedom. Remember us the plaque seemed to say; we perished so that you could be free; we died so that you could vote.

And countless thousands upon thousands lie down in their wake and spend their last breaths dying hopelessly, helplessly, courageously for me. Some do not die in their body, but die in their minds or in their souls, lose their way, lose their families, lose their faith. Others die in their memories of the horrors of war. The price for freedom continues to be paid. May God bless them all, who died and died and die again. For me.

And for you. Honor those who came before you, who paid for your freedom. Vote. Pay your taxes. Honor those who come after you; what will you pay for them? Expand your vision. Run for office. Save the environment. Get involved.

Today’s Affirmation: “I honor and cherish my freedom, and those who provided it for me.”

“No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he only had good intentions. He had money as well.”—Margaret Thatcher

When I started thinking about become a prosperous person, I hit a stumbling block. There was a quote from the Bible that worried me for a long time: “It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to get into heaven.” (I thought for a while it didn’t say rich woman, but somehow I knew that qualification wasn’t going to fly.) I wanted to be a rich person, but I wanted to be a good person and hopefully go to heaven, too. How was I going to do both? I knew that, as a spiritual person, if I felt that money was going to corrupt me, I wasn’t going to allow it into my life. And for years, I didn’t.

Then, one evening, I happened across a television program that featured several religious scholars examining some Biblical statements, taking into account the geography, culture and the era in which it was written. I heard one scholar mention the above quotation and comment that most people misunderstood it. He said that people thought that the needle mentioned was a common sewing needle and therefore, of course, it was impossible for a camel to get through it’s eye. But this scholar laughed and said that “The Eye of the Needle” was the name of a gate in the wall of Jerusalem. And a camel could easily get through it—a moderately laden camel, that is, not a heavily laden camel. This changes the entire message. To me, this suggests that the lesson was only an admonishment to be balanced about wealth, and not overdo it to the point of overburdening your camel!

Leo J. Fishbeck, in his book Sing Your Song For All You’re Worth states “A careful study of the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, reveals that the people who were considered to be the most spiritual, those who were the great contributors to enlightened thinking, the most highly regarded, were usually very wealthy people—millionaires by our standards. As we read about their many accomplishments we find that, usually, the account ends with the statement, ‘And he was favored by God.’ According to the ancient authors of the Scriptures, there must be a connection between prosperity and Spirituality.”

Money is a neutral. It will not corrupt you—only your use of it will. The choice to use money for good is always available to you. It is the wealthy who set up charitable foundations, endow hospitals, establish scholarships, promote art, literature, theater, etc. Ted Turner donated onebillion dollars to the United Nations. Bill and Melinda Gates funded a charitable foundation with more than twenty billion dollars. You can’t do things like that if you’re broke.

Examine your old beliefs. Are they facts—or just opinions? Are they refutable? Investigate. If they aren’t producing good things in your life, replace them with better thoughts.

Today’s Affirmation: “The perfect order of the Universe is abundance for everyone—including me!”

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.”—Sophie Tucker

Your wildest dreams come true: You pick the winning numbers in the lottery and suddenly you are a millionaire!

Now what? What do you do first?

There was a study several years ago that determined the top three things that most winners did—and nearly 90 percent did all of these three things. I will list them for you in reverse order, a la David Letterman:

#3. They buy a new car.

#2. They take a trip. If they were married with children, they go to Walt Disney World in Florida. If they are married without children or single, they go to Hawaii.

#1. The very first thing they all do is say, “This isn’t going to change me.”

That one fearful statement, “This isn’t going to change me,” rang in my consciousness like a clarion call. To me, this is stark evidence that most people have a negative picture of what having money will do to them. Many people in our society grow up with the idea that “dirty money” or “filthy lucre” will somehow corrupt them—that they will become arrogant or miserly and lose all their friends. A nationwide study conducted by the AARP in 2000 showed that the majority of people believed that “lots of money makes people greedy and insensitive.” How are you going to let money in your life if you think having it will make you a bad person? Doesn’t it make sense that if you thought money was a powerful force for good and that having an abundance of money would mean you could make large contributions to worthy causes, that a lottery winner would say instead, “This is really going to change me for the better”?
If you think that having a lot of money will make you a bad person, your internal sense of integrity is probably not going to allow it into your life. You need to change your attitude about having money and being rich if you want more abundance in your life. Make a list of positive things you would do with money if you were wealthy. Why not decide that money will make you a better person?

“What you love is as unique to you as your fingerprints. You need to know that because nothing will make you really happy but doing what you love.”—Barbara Sher

We’ve all had the fantasy of winning big. It takes many forms: Winning the lottery, winning the multi-million-dollar jackpot in the Megabucks slot machine, getting discovered and becoming a movie star, selling your screenplay for millions of dollars, writing The Great American Novel, buying the stock that leaps in value making you a billionaire, inventing the next big thing that everyone buys.

You visualize the celebration, the adrenaline rush, the happiness you share with your friends and family. You see the new house, the new car, the vacation trips you’ve always wanted. Shopping sprees dance in your mind—you can have anything you want! You buy it all.

And then? What?

What do you visualize yourself doing after you become wealthy? Lying around on the beach all day? For how many days would that be interesting? When anyone tells me that, I know I’m talking to a person who either hates their job or hasn’t had enough vacation. As a creative being with talents and abilities beyond loafing and consuming, you have to do something that gives your life meaning and purpose. Go find a job doing that now…or create one. You don’t have to wait until you’re rich—this is the way you become rich.

Years ago, Paul McCartney came to Los Angeles with his band as part of his world tour. A particular quote from the program impressed me. He said, “People ask me, ‘Why d’you do it? Why bother with the distractions? You’re rich.’ Cos I think everyone’s little dream, certainly mine when I was at school was, what you’ll do is get a lot of money and then you’ll go off on holiday forever. Just go off on a boat. But when you grow up you realize it doesn’t work. A year of holidays, maybe, is dead funny and a great groove. But after a year you think, what do I do in life again? Sail around the world in boats? Surely not…I know that after a year I’d start to wonder. I’d pick up a guitar.”

Act as if you already won the lottery last year. Now go do what you love.

Today’s Affirmation: “I am a winner in the lottery of life!”

Ah, this page comes at the perfect time, as I am taking one of my favorite little long-weekend holidays. Taking big long 2-3 week vacations are lovely once in a while, but I must have my regular jaunts away for four days on a regular basis. I recharge my batteries, have a change of scene, having nothing scheduled that I have to show up for, have congenial friends with me, and activities I love. Can’t wait!

So the next couple of days I will be posting the pages from The Wealthy Spirit as usual but I won’t be adding new material. I’ll be gathering new material – living life, having fun, playing poker, enjoying some free time at the nearby Pechanga Indian Casino. They have a beautiful room, and the poker room manager, Star Pulver, is a darling. I’ve known her for years as she is an active supporter of women in poker. My kind of gal!

Enjoy your week, darling dolphins, and make some plans for a getaway yourself. You need to have “I can hardly waits!” in your life, even if you haven’t won the lottery yet.