Time passes and the brain fails, in these times of ludicrous gamble for the "Best", We forget that life is much more than Desires, it's also filled with lots and lots of freshly baked, Dark Metamorphic Amorphous Illicit Literature. In Acronym that's "D-Mail"!!

Naughtyfications

Friday, September 26, 2014

Tying the Knot, or Noose?

By all
means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad
one, you'll become a philosopher.

-----------------Socrates

Well that explains why India is full of Philosophy. Speaking of full, half of
the Indians are below the age of 25. And if the figures are right, there will
be approximately 313million marriages within the half-decade, assuming that
every Indian parent is strictly speaking, Indian. It’s nothing less than an endemic. Taking 125 million
victims every year, it’s clearly far worse than HIV, Cancer or Global Warming
combined!

Marriage for a man is losing his Bachelor's
degree and to a woman, getting a Master's.
The only thing is that both get equal marks
and a combined degree in B.ed. Well, the
riskiness is much more than Russian roulette. There's a 50 percent chance of fights
and a 100% chance of the man losing. 3/4th of the population are married and
the rest are successful. The statistics never lie. The scholars can never be
more wrong, Desire isn't the root cause of all Misery. Marriage is!

Polygamy
in marriages are a rarity these days, however, these days Feminist groups, I
fear, may start chanting slogans like "Why should boys have all the fun",
forcing governments to start legalizing Polyandry too. Soon, there will be
multiple husbands to multiple wives. And before you know it, Nokia's vision
will be fulfilled. People will be connected, indeed.

Indians are born for betrothal, just like sacrificial lambs. Sometimes, though, the in-laws turn out to be out-laws. The Dowry
system of course! Men are less expensive in the modern age than they used to
be. Back then, a standard fresh-in-the-market bloke could be bartered for at
least one Ambassador car and a few thousand bucks. Nowadays, due to recession,
we'd be lucky to get an Ambassador's photo. But the logic can’t be that simple,
definitely not in the motherland of Arya Bhatta and Ramanujan. The mathgoes this way...

Let A= family,
B= boy, G= girl, D= dowry

The GA
gives D to the BA, now that the BA has D, BA becomes BAD. The rest is GADBAD...

Well, I have witnessed several weddings, and being an avid member of the
SMS (Single
Mingle Society), I had the privilege of saving
countless lives from Eternal Damnation or, at least 30+ years. Apart from
untying the chained animals, I have drawn out the blue-print of this bloody-red
institution. It's really simple. You'll get the hang of what a marriage is, if
you do it only once.

This
Censored Documentary goes like this:

It all
starts with a baby girl being bornbrought
into the house by a stork. The first smile is the
Dad’s, for he’s the only one who's neither in pain nor in uniform. The smile
soon fades away into a train of thoughts. He immediately visualizes the baby in
the wedding attire, but then reality strikes him, she's too little, even for half quarter sarees. He
thwarts the idea, "Perhaps, Later!"

At the
tender age of 3, the girl asks him, "Dad, why do boys have all the
fun?" He gently puts her in her prisoncrib
and once again visualizes her walking around the fire. And then it hits him,
"She'll lose count of the seven steps".

Years go
by, with the father being more and more overprotective until one day, his
imaginary wedding ring fits his daughter's finger. Alas! An End to boyfriends,
worries, late-returning-homes (by seconds).
It's then that he starts seeking the perfect groom for his daughter. The
conditions are too many to jot down, so I'll have to shorten the list:

The Groom's Parents must be well-educated, wealthy, tall,
dark and handsome.

If all of
the above conditions are fulfilled, there's no waiting for the celebrations to
begin, ofc there's the waiting for the auspicious moment, but it's only a minor
thing, unless your birth planet is mars.

(Sorry, Marvin the Martian and
J'onn J'onzz)

NOTE: But marrying an inanimate object like your Smartphone or
newspaper before the actual marriage will negate the effects of astrology and
stupidity.

Our
Nation didn’t achieve freedom until 1947, but even 67 years after Independence,
I believe that we are still bound, still not free, from domestic violence, from
blocked-websites, from population explosion. This National parasite named 'deathera marriagiasis' or Marriage, needs to be eradicated. Proper vaccines are to be given, and finally flower-girls and ring-bearers must be tranquilized. Stop this injustice. Start Living life!