Waking Up to Success

So you want to create a life that’s true to yourself because you’ll avoid the #1 deathbed regret… Great thinking!

Last post, I gave you a complicated way and a simple way to do it, and I told you my story (I started with the simple way). I also told you about how they end up getting us to the same place.

But I left out some important theory that helps explain why they’re equivalent. That’s today’s topic: Why does taking risks end up helping you define success, develop a clear philosophy of life, and take action?

To understand this, you need to know the concepts of the comfort zone, learning zone, and panic zone. I didn’t make this up, but it always surprises me that more people haven’t heard it.

The Comfort Zone is everything that is familiar to us. Our habits, routines, behaviours and even our thinking patterns (which are just habits, after all…). In our comfort zone, there’s no challenge, and no risk taking. Things are predictable. It’s fun for a while, but there’s a big problem with staying here too long: It gets boring.

The Panic Zone is where we end up if we take on too much. We feel overwhelmed, excessively anxious, and paralyzed by fear. There’s too much challenge, and the risks are too big. It’s definitely not pleasant. Maybe you’ve been there before?​But there’s a middle area where the risk is enough to be exciting, but not so much that it’s overwhelming: The Learning Zone! If we want to grow, this is where we need to be. ​

When we’re in the learning zone, things feel uncomfortable! And because of this, our senses perk up. Our brains activate and start sucking in information to keep us safe. In other words, we learn! When we experience something unfamiliar, our brains are forced to adapt and grow. So even though it's hard at the start, it often feels really rewarding afterwards! (Perhaps it’s evolution’s way of rewarding those who can learn to survive?)

So, why does the simple technique of taking risks help us develop a philosophy of life?

It works like this: Any new ventures (cool stuff you want to do - joining new groups, trying new activities, meeting new people, travelling to a new country, chasing new goals, reading new books, etc) are “risks” because they all have the potential to challenge our ideas. We experience something unfamiliar, enter the learning zone, and it shakes up our old patterns and beliefs.

By studying engineering, for example, I was exposed to new subjects and different ways of problem solving. When I took my job after graduation, it was an experience that helped me reconsider my values. When I quit my job, the risk forced me to define a path that seemed more appealing – a new vision. Step by step, I created a new path for myself.

The really cool thing is that we don’t even have to go “all the way” with our risk in order to get the benefits; one step is totally sufficient to shake up our perceptions. Each step allows us to see around a new corner: New opportunities will emerge, and new doors will open. We can’t know what’s down the path until we take the step.Whether we love the new venture or not, we get new experiences and new information, and we’re forced to rethink our paradigms, and that’s how we develop our philosophy!​Sometimes people suggest that I’ve wasted my engineering degree, but they’re wrong! Studying engineering opened my mind, shaped my thinking, and introduced me to some amazing people that eventually led to my new career! Taking a step doesn’t commit us to the path, it just moves us forward; we can always pivot and step in a new direction. New opportunities emerge with every step of the journey!

I'm really excited that you're reading this, and I'll hope you'll check out the rest of the blog! I’ll be posting about specific tools and activities – stuff that I’ve personally done to help develop my own philosophy of life and definition of success. They’ve made my life immeasurably better. But doing them is a risk, because they each have the potential to open your eyes to new possibilities. The more you do, the farther down the path you’ll go, and the more clarity you’ll find.

Today, I want you to think about this:

Where in your life are you in the comfort zone? What’s boring? How might you make life a little more exciting?

Where in your life are you in the panic zone? What’s overwhelming? How could you get back to a safer space?

Last time, we talked about how too many people live unexamined lives, chase other people’s goals, and end up on their deathbeds wishing that they’d had the courage to make choices true to themselves. They're sleepwalking.

We ended with the question: What’s the secret to living a life true to yourself and not the life others expect of you?

I promised you two answers: A complicated one and a simple one. So here we go!

But I have a hard time recommending it as a starting point, because it’s not what I did.

At least, not intentionally… not at first. (Now I do it all the time, which is why I can recommend it at all...) When I first decided to follow my own path, I took the simple approach: Take a risk.

Here’s the formula:

1. Think of something cool you want to do.2. Take one step in that direction.3. Repeat.

The complicated way is powerful because it provides structure. But the simple way is powerful because it’s simple: It means you’re more likely to actually do it. And it gets us to the same place.

When I quit my engineering job, I didn’t go through a lengthy process of self-discovery or planning. It happened almost on a whim. See, a week earlier, I had given a presentation at a student leadership conference. After my presentation, another leadership speaker in the audience asked if I had ever considered speaking professionally. I was floored: “You can speak professionally?!” We chatted. I thought it sounded incredible. But I already had a job, and having a job is what an engineering graduate is supposed to do.

But one morning, after a long commute in the rain, I had a realization: I didn’t like what I was doing. I was told I’d move up quickly, but that didn’t sound particularly appealing - more responsibility, longer hours, and more stress over something I didn’t really care about. So I typed up an apologetic resignation letter. As I left the building, I declared to myself that I was now a “professional speaker.” I had no idea what that meant or how to do it. But I took the first step. I took the risk.

And that one step led to another. Then another. Doors opened. Opportunities appeared.

And that’s basically why the simple and complicated paths get us to the same place: Motivation follows action- not the other way around!

I had no idea what I was doing, so I had no choice but to learn hard and fast. I joined associations. I found mentors. I read books like my career depended on it. (It turns out, it did!)

It doesn’t even have to big a big step. Just take one step, and you’ll be motivated to take the next.

In the pursuit of doing something cool, we ALSO end up learning something new about our values, our vision, our goals, and our barriers. Knowing this about ourselves leads us, one step at a time, towards creating the life we want to live.​Next post, I’ll tell you more about how taking risks leads to learning: It has everything to do with how our brain changes when we step out of the Comfort Zone and into the Learning Zone.​But don’t bother waiting for that - just start with the simple technique!

Too much for an opening question? How about this one: How do you define success? It’s a lot to think about, I know… but don’t you think it’s important?

I think a lot about making the most of life. Don’t you?

​What’s your perspective on how to get by in this world and make the most of our limited time on this planet, so at the end of our days we look back with pride, rather than with regret?

I read an article about the top regrets of people on their death beds – written by a palliative care nurse. The number one regret? “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, and not the life others expected of me.”

But it’s tricky, isn’t it? Because we spend most of our childhood learning to live up to others’ expectations – learning to follow the rules. We jump through hoops to please others, and we often feel guilty when we take time for something we want to do. I mean – how do we even know what’s really important? From the moment we’re born, we absorb messages from our families, our friends, the media, from society – everybody has something to say about what should matter.

So how do we learn the difference between what others tell us is important, and what feels authentically valuable to us as individuals?​That’s what I like to talk about. How do we build our own personal definition of success and philosophy of life?

For years, I was an expert at living up to others’ expectations. I was fortunate to be good at math, so everyone suggested I study engineering, and when I graduated, I got a “good job” making good money doing computer database stuff. But it sucked. I didn’t care at all about what I was doing. My co-workers were simultaneously stressed, strained, dulled, and disinterested. I felt myself becoming the same. Within 2 weeks, as I sat in my muggy car on the hour-long commute home, I found myself repeating, “$150 bucks a day – I can do this…” But I was wrong…

I quit after just 4 weeks on the job. And I had even been on vacation for one of those weeks.

Something inside me had changed. It’s tricky to describe, but “waking up” feels like a close analogy. I felt a new sense of control. I could see with new clarity. That was over a decade ago, and life has been quite an adventure ever since.

These days (on most days, at least), I feel full of energy, alive, and excited to face the day! I’m proud of the work I’m doing. I’m happy to be surrounded by people I love. Mostly, I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to create a life true to myself! I think I will have avoided the number one deathbed regret! (…though I hope I won’t find out for sure for many decades yet…)

So what’s the secret to living a life true to yourself and not the life others expect of you?

I have two answers: One kind of complicated, and one incredibly simple. And I’ll tell you next time. I’d tell you today, but I don’t want to overwhelm you...

In this blog, you’ll get my best exercises, tools, and insights to help you redefine success and create a powerful philosophy of life that works for you. You’ll end up happier, healthier, wealthier, and more successful than you ever thought possible!