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Author
Topic: Phil's brother (Read 4714 times)

Folks, I just got a call from Phil -- his brother was moved into hospice and passed away about 8:45 AM today. Please keep Phil and his family in your thoughts.

It's been kind of vague here on the forums when previously discussed as a "health issue" hoping his brother would pull through and in the interest of his privacy if he's ended up posting on this forum, though some of you have known the details.

Phil's brother was diagnosed with HIV about 3 years ago but he didn't tell any family members, and he never took the HIV meds that he was prescribed. He ended up a month ago in the hospital with PCP, toxoplasmic encephalitis, cytomegalovirus, wasting, kaposi sarcoma herpesvirus and probably a few other things.

Phil's, obviously, devastated, not just because it's his older brother but because Phil was diagnosed a year before his brother and feels he could have been so much help with his treatment if only his brother had shared his health situation with him. Stigma does awful things to people, and hopefully this can be a "teaching moment" to those of you reading here.

My sincere condolences, Phil. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

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"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

I just spoke to Phil and he has asked me to implore all of us not to post on his Facebook wall about this . He and his family are asking for privacy and several people from the forum have already posted this information and Phil has had to take the time to take it down .

There are family members that do not know all the details and reading them on FB isn't the way to find out . The last thing the family needs at the moment is people calling and asking for details .

Thank you all for your support and kind words - I am filled with griefI am sad and angryI am also happy when I think of the time I got to spend with my brotherI am happy that we got to hold hands, talk a bit, say "I love you" and that he was able to keep a sense of humor even as he neared the end of his journey here.

My mother is devastatedThere are no words that can console a mother who loses a child - her first born...

I hurt over the loss of my brotherI hurt over my mother's loss of her son

I am angry over the stigma that is allowed to continue surrounding this disease that even in these times of grief is still causing harm -

I wish my brother could have known of the support available - that he would've confided in me -

He went untreated for years and I was on the same med as he was initially prescribed and had a two month extra supply - and I know the services that are available that he could have accessed.

Now I am without an older brother - My mother is without her oldest child

Our family has gotten smallerAnd there aren't enough tears to even begin to reveal how heavy our hearts are..

We will get through this - And I truly want to thank you all for the support and comfort you have brought into my life during this difficult time.

My condolences to you and your family, Phil.This touches something deep in me because more two years ago my favorite cousin died, and it was only after she passed that I learnt she had died from AIDS. I had no clue she had HIV...and she died never knowing I have HIV....I cried alot then because I felt if we had shared our stories and supported each other, it might have changed something.May your brother rest in peace.Hugs.Karry

Thanks everyone - Tuesday will be the service for my brother. My younger brother will arrive in town tonight and my younger sister, her husband and my niece tomorrow evening.

I finished writing my brother's eulogy the other night - the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

We selected songs for his service....

Today, I took my mother out for Mother's Day - very bittersweet, as the obituary was published in the paper today. Her firstborn being laid to rest and his obituary published on Mother's Day...

And in between all of this, I still have had to show up at work - sometimes seems unfair that life continues to move on around us even when our own personal connection to it has stopped for the time being...

Thank you all again for your words of support via phone, here, and FB. It means a lot. Truly.

-Philwho keeps feeling that there was something more I could have done, should have done, to have kept this from happening.

And in between all of this, I still have had to show up at work - sometimes seems unfair that life continues to move on around us even when our own personal connection to it has stopped for the time being...

Thank you all again for your words of support via phone, here, and FB. It means a lot. Truly.

-Philwho keeps feeling that there was something more I could have done, should have done, to have kept this from happening. [/quote]

Phil I can relate big time to that.Agree with Miss P , please just don,t go there.Take good care off yourselve with love m

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"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ." Tony Benn

This is so sad and so heartbreaking. I'm reminded of one of the lines I used last year at the AMG Memorial Service from the novella "A River Runs Through It" (film based on this novella) that "the people who need our help the most are sometimes the ones who elude us. All we can ever do is to love them unconditionally, even without complete understanding." Phil's brother died tragically but he also knew he was loved. This, while not necessarily a consolation, is a very important thing. Phil, in this life you will probably not even begin to know just how much of a help you really were to your brother.

Prayers for you and your family in a very difficult time..and our promise to continue to offer our friendship, our shoulders, and our support.

Heading out in a few to go to my brother's funeral service....I will be delivering the eulogy -My mother called a few minutes ago and asked "Will we be able to get through this?"I said - "Yes - Yes, we will"She said - "We have made it this far....Butch would be proud of us."I said - "Yes, yes, he would" with tears running down my face.

I want it to be a beautiful service for my older brother. I want it to capture his essence - his strength, his love, and not to show his fear and the dark cloud he lived under keeping a secret and living in denial - a secret that took his life.