Monday, April 1, 2013

Fancy a Missionary Position?

Well, tough shit - you missed it! The deadline for applying for this prime Tefl post was March 22, but I still feel it's worth a gag or two!

According to blurb for this advert on tefl.com, "the Southall School of Languages and Missionary Orientation is looking for
an experienced ELT Teacher to work from 2 to 12 April ... You will be teaching 3 - 6 hrs a day in a vibrant and muliti cultural town of Southall."

Surely that should be 'the vibrant and multi-cultural town of Southall', if they truly mean that sub-continental suburb in west London; but maybe it is just one of many 'muliti cultural' Southalls all over the third world. As for the poor spelling, I guess there's still a lot of missionary work to be done there still, especially in the basics of English.

Of course, the best thing about being a missionary is the warm fuzzy feeling of devotion and sacrifice you get when you pick up your negligible wages every week. This place will be no exception, as the SSLMO pays a Godless twelve quid an hour!

Still interested? Then give a quick call on 02085744456 to the DoS, who bears the uncannily traditional English name of Agnieszka Wiazowska. If she hasn't yet got herself lost in the swamps of deepest Southall, she might be able to fill you in on the muliti cultural charms of the area.

Architravearchitraveall that is tendentious shall be knownmost deleterious carbonundrum of the make shift tricycle brigadeyou who are unaware of the WIDER piccytureUnicycles await you in ukulele land, PLUS the skool of hard crocks

I am not displeased at your vivirerificationrather I relish the prosperforlecue of impemdining enlightenment

P. SymonP. Symon http://lnkd.in/akhRVU i-poet.co.uk FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE NOVEL I sat in my bathroom defecating pleasurably and looking across at Castletown. The honest and irritating folk of that settlement were mostly still asleep in their duveted bedding or doing what...

i-poet.co.ukFROM THE BEGINNING OF THE NOVEL I sat in my bathroom defecating pleasurably and looking across at Castletown. The honest and irritating folk of that settlement were mostly still asleep in their duveted bedding or doing what...

P. SymonP. Symon http://lnkd.in/akhRVU i-poet.co.uk FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE NOVEL I sat in my bathroom defecating pleasurably and looking across at Castletown. The honest and irritating folk of that settlement were mostly still asleep in their duveted bedding or doing what...

i-poet.co.ukFROM THE BEGINNING OF THE NOVEL I sat in my bathroom defecating pleasurably and looking across at Castletown. The honest and irritating folk of that settlement were mostly still asleep in their duveted bedding or doing what...

Oh,no...fucking hell,who let the EFFULGENT DEFUCKATER out? Now,we've got a problem on our hands,as one does not simply CATCH the Phantom Shitter...Pools of bum gravy,logs and teddy bears'arms will soon be littering the streets of Castletown!

Hmmmm...Paul Lowe and his gay scat/'Shit And Castle' literature genre...I hear there are TEFL franchises in Moscow and St. Petersburg at the moment. Given the political climate over there as regards foreign NGOs and that as well as regards benders/friends of Gwen Stefani,it's an opportunity for Paul Lowe -and hopefully the source of a good laugh for us all when he gets caught and gets a damned good shoeing!

The TEFL Tradesman - Britain's Biggest-Selling TEFL Weakly!

Sandy McManus - a.k.a The Tefl Tradesman - is dedicated to telling it like it is, spilling the beans, and dishing the dirt on the UK's tacky TEFL trade and all those who are unprincipled enough to partake of it.

If you work in TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language), or are quite simply mad enough to even contemplate it, this is the site to check out every week!

CRAP JOBS! Some of the worst EFL jobs in the UK. Don't all rush at once!!

The Burlington School, London - 9.50 per hour!
Williams College, London - 10.30 per hour!
Belgravia College, London - £10.00 per hour!
Berlitz, Manchester - £10.00 per hour!
East London School of English - £10 an hour!
Manchester School of English - £8 an hour!!
The London Skills Institute - £7.50 per hour!!
NEC School, London - £8 an hour!!
London Institute of Technology and English - £8 an hour!!
Oxford Academy College, London - £9 an hour!!
West London Business College -£8.50 an hour!!
Cavendish School, Bournemouth - "up to 10 per hour" ! Malvern House, London - £9.50 per hour!!!
Callan School of English, London - £7.58 per hour ... !!!
Leeds Language College - £8.25 per hour!!

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Education ... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading.- G. M. Trevelyan (1876 - 1962), English Social History (1942)

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.- Gail Godwin