True Love Waits (in itsy bitsy pieces)
a Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
by Miss Kanzaki
Chapter One : Sakura
I'm happy.
I truly am happy.
Well, maybe not right now- moving books, trophies, and other stuff to boxes here in my brother's room may test anyone's patience... and will. The light shining through the window radiates in a rather reddish tint, which makes me realize I've been here all day just TRYING to put order! Damn! Why can't Onii-chan do this by himself?!
Beep!
My wristwatch reinforces the pass of time in this afternoon, yet its sound makes me smile- it was, after all, a moment like this, in the middle of a task, when Syaoran-kun, my boyfriend, gave it to me as a present... And... Hoe!! He proposed to me. It was perhaps the happiest minute in my life the one I took to get his question to sink into me, and finally answer.
I could just spend forever zombified replaying this memory.
Moving here. Carrying. And a quick thump as something drops from the bundle I was transporting wakes me from my short reverie. I sigh. It's probably the thirty-fifth time I've had to pick up an object Touya couldn't wrap well enough.
Alas, this one does call my attention. I don't remember seeing one of these since I was ten, and a strange if brief feeling makes my eyes well up in tears. We Japanese have a word for brief, nostalgic emotions on objects or ideas- aware. And it's about the only word fitting for it.
What did I see? (Personally, I still can't believe someday I'd feel this, for I thought only artists, like my best friend, can be sensible enough to let their souls be receptive to such an emotion... and of all things!?! A tape!!!).
Just a tape. A plain old, out of use cassette. It reads Sony, so it's a recording tape.
The tears never come out, though, for I smile as I think of the many times before using Cd's and then mini discs that tapes were about the only way to listen to music. I recall them as being cheap, too.
Perhaps that is why Oni-chaan preferred them to burned discs or even originals he borrowed from friends. I giggle a bit imagining him with his ages-worn walkman amid a discman subway crowd.
I examine the tape, as if I found a priceless archaeological artifact. I turn to my back to try to find its case. I'll know then what's it about.
I'm actually VERY curious. This being stuck here all day helping Touya in his moving has made me reach for anything to shake the monotonous hum the job has had.
Quite quickly, taking only a few seconds, I find the empty case. It reads Sony too. Bingo.
Radiohead- B-Sides and Rare Collections. I think I may have heard them a couple of times before, mostly when my brother was in high school. There was one particular song that he played again and again back then.... let me remember... Reading the song list will probably give me a hint to its name.
Radiohead- B-Sides and Rare Collections...
For starters, I can perfectly make out it's not his handwriting.
So, Yukito-san gave you this?
There's a slight grin playing on my lips. Yukito-san still has this cheery effect on me, for his kindness and polite manner are truly special. And it is this same qualities that I noticed since I met him that made me finally long ago understand why my brother fell in love with him. Let alone be his friend.
Hai, Yukito-san gave him this tape. And I spot the song I was looking for. An asterik in violet ink gave away the answer.
True Love Waits. Live.
Searching up my memory. Found it. Yep. This is the song he couldn't stop playing one summer.
I thought it to be a bit corny back then. More than corny, puzzling. Puzzling.
You can't make it out 'cause you still don't learn English, kaijuu!
A bit of blood rushes in a boiling manner to my face. He dismissed my curiosity like that and shut the door.
He returned to a rather pensative gaze towards the ceiling as the door made way to block me his view and the recorder's sound.
Live. The sound was that of an acoustic guitar, I think.
True Love Waits...
Sakura! Dinner's served!
Coming, dad!!
True Love Waits... I decide to put the tape in the case, and place it in my pocket.
As I close the door, for a short pause I consider putting it back.
Nah!! He owes me plenty.
And I leave hurriedly for the kitchen downstairs. Steamed vegetables and chicken teriyaki await.
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parenthesis : Tomoyo
An 18 year-old girl stands out from the crowd.
It must be the Prussian blue velvet blazer she's wearing.
She walks towards a store in this three-level mall.
Then again, it's almost impossible for people not to notice her beautiful features- long wavy dark hair, stormy indigo eyes, petite nose & lips, in an elongated figure. Her skin's as pale as the winter air hanging outside.
Her graceful movement crowns this ideallic picture. And how fitting! She has walked into the art supply store.
A ring and a voice meet her.
- Daidouji-san! Back so early for material?
The girl this mature-looking, all-knowing man greets nods cheerfully.
- Hai, Mitsumori-sensei! I'm going to need more tubes of titanium white and ebony black than I expected.
He now stands from the wooden stool he was sitting on, leaving aside the silver vase he was intent on restoring to its lost glory.
- Just those? Have you turned away from expressionism or are you shortening way too much your other oils to save yourself money?
Her giggle came out discreet. And she moves again with a grace to an aisle of the store.
- No, not at all, sensei. But pale colors seem to suit my work much better...
- If you say so, Daidouji-san...- he says while he scoops off with his fingers a drop of sweat from his brow.
She's with her knees bent in front of the bottom rack of the aisle, her eyes searching cooly for the tubes.
And then it was that she started to hum.
Hum. hum. Hum. hum.
Unlike a buzz, unlike an untrained bird young. It was how angels would sound if they knew how to hum at all rather than fill the skies with overpowering arias.
- Hmmm... I've not heard this one before... Are you and the band preparing for a performance?
Daidouji Tomoyo was snapped out of her search. And out of a secret reverie hardly unveiled by the hum. She grabs a boxed set of oils and walks back to the counter where her sensei stood.
- With the crowd we're getting at the club we have to be preparing almost on a daily basis, sensei. Here.
The old man took the card she tended to him, and passed it quick through the machine. He handed it back along with a short thin sheet of paper.
- With school and your art studies, it's still a wonder you take time to sing in a club band! At your age it's not so good to overwork your abilities and miss out on the ordinary youth past times...
She once again displays that discreet, yet cute smile.
- It's okay, it's not like I'm missing out on much anyway. They're all important activities to me, since I want to master the most possible for my artistic goals... They may all be of some use when I leave in the end of the summer...
Her pause, if done properly, called on the attention of her sensei. After all, not in vane has he known her since she was -and still is, he thinks to himself- a 12 year-old quiet, observant, condescendant, well-mannered, intelligent, talented, sweet girl.
- In the end of the summer?
She keeps to herself, as usual when a question she considered not answerable for now appeared. Yes, she's opening her wallet, placing back the credit card Mitsumori-sensei tended to her. She'd probably give an answer, if she only considered the moment adequate. Yet...
- I didn't realize I'm running late to pick up my mother from the toy company. I have to leave now, sensei.
Just before she could exit, her head turns back to me. She sighs and her deep blue eyes seem to flicker in a lower light, but then shine brightly as anyone could tell you, along with a soft, discreet smile.
- Here, sensei. This is the flyer we're handing out to promote our next concert. Hope I'll see you there.
Mitsumori Aoi took the flyer in his long, slightly wrinkle-skinned hand.
- I'll be there, my child prodigy. I'll be there.
The last thing he heard aside from her light footsteps was her humming, that slow soft hum that suddenly let a few words escape......
I'd drown my beliefs.....
And, perhaps in the lowest breath ever made by a human, she continued while grasping out of her blouse an ages-worn locket.
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parenthesis 2 : Syaoran
The afternoon seemed perfect. Almost perfect enough to remind him that he was a foreigner.
Yet this wasn't the first time he walked these streets. He did it before as a child, and nothing seems to have changed.
Except that, aside that he had a nice compact sports car that he used every now and then, there was someone here in this town that loved him dearly.
And suddenly Tokyo was just as beautiful as the garden of Eden.
Just that I wish every now and then that such paradise could last.
And just as I'd go forward down the avenue to reach home, a crowd, a voice asking for attention, and a guitar strum capture my attention. That's about enough to make me run into the record store and ask immediately for the album.
- Why certainly, Mr. Li!!!! When I received the shipment this morning I thought you'd love it.
The tall, brown haired man nodded.
- I appreciate the special treatment I get from you, Sorata-san. Even that you refer to me in a respectful manner.
The other young man, short and with his long hair dyed in various colors, smiled and replied:
- I suppose that back in Hong Kong people refer to you like that.... That'll be 2,000 yen, sir.
Li Syaoran took out his black leather wallet and extended the right amount of cash to his friend. He examined the cover of the mini disc.
- Mmmm.... I didn't know it was Radiohead!!
The clerk then handed the bill. He put a surprised expression on his brow.
- You didn't know???
Syaoran blushed in embarrasment. He, the best customer of this record store, that purchased at least three to five albums per week, didn't actually have knowledge of this song!!!!
- Don't worry, little gentleman!!! I got the same expression from my other favorite customer, and she's also a music specialist!!! Like if she was a ball player, she'd be Major League!!!
The Chinese boy couldn't help noticing the dreamy gaze Sorata was wearing.
- I hope your affirmation's because of her knowledge and not her looks!!- he grinned.
- She's the lead singer for a band,- replied the young punk, trying to look serious yet having a slight blush on his cheeks- that plays almost every night at the club further down the street.. AND I've seen her a couple o' times here with your girlfriend!!-, he added with a bit more of enthusiasm.
An enthusiasm that Li Syaoran, however, did not share.
- Well, I have to run now, Sorata-san. See ya!
Sorata just stammered out a series of "But-but-but-but....".
- I put the song again since the beginning, Li-san!!!
Nonetheless, Syaoran, as he left, still managed to hear out the initial harmonies.
To a more faint, due to the distance,
.... To have you be in peace.....
he whispered "Sakura" ...
And a somewhat indecipherable tone he employed to add "Daidouji-san".
-----------------
He always thinks of me as a child.
... And I'd dress up as your niece, ...
I giggle a bit. Maybe I am.
The butterflies in my stomach can't help but fly madly.
Funny....
... to wash your swollen feet....
The crude sound of the guitar and the accompaning cruder vocals.... they have...
Here he is now. Beside me.
It's our wedding day.
And there's flowers. Of all kinds. Save for some men, everyone else is dressed in white, including the bridesmaids... Touya, Yukito-san and Kero are in white too.
Here we are. At the altar.
The priest is about to ask the groom if he'll take the lovely bride as his wife... To cherish and to protect her 'til death do them apart....
(What a tough question, indeed!!)
She shines the brightest, for the answer is one she's been expecting since she can remember....
(All my life, it seems!!!)
Then, something about the air... She darkens, so noticeable due to the contrast of her ever-white gown. He nods in refusal, or more like if he can't make up his mind.
....Just, don't leave...
He takes off running. RUNNING! But why?
Why does she feel so torn apart from this scene? Everyone, let alone him, seem so out of reach. No matter how she tries to recapture them, him, with her hand yet ever so strange, unreal, her feet take her away further and further...
... have taken her to another world.
Our dream girl, this young thing with brunette short hair, emerald eyes and a long, athletic yet elegant look, shoots up from her slumber, and steps hurriedly toward her studying desk. Her right index finger reaches to the "stop" button on the tape player, and no more sounds come out from there.
Still, Kinomoto Sakura is surprised. In her surprise she's echoing the last lines she listened to. Like a child.
The butterflies have stopped their flight.
------------
Chapter 2 : Tomoyo
What are you doing here?
This place, where you're standing, is called a stage. And crowds gather around a stage -though there aren´t many people except those who work here- , in case you didn't know. And despite your experience, you'll always be a bit of an agoraphobic.
Sigh. I must pick up the guitar. Guess I haven't gotten over the haunting of failure.
But she has actually nothing to reproach herself, for everything she has ever embarked on has been a total success. She's nonetheless than Tomoeda's own child prodigy, she'd heard people say from time to time. And the four guys that play in her band absolutely respect and adore her.
In fact, one of them, an auburn long haired 19 year-old guy, named Yuto, looks on to her in a forelorn fashion. He probably fell in love with her ever since he heard her play the piano in an audition. Her voice and her many other talents just deepened the spell.
Tuning chords. Chords. Chord. One by one. The most elegant fingers he has ever seen on a woman work with expertise ease each and every knob to get the instrument right. And then come in the strums. Beautiful, simple notes. But definetely not Japanese in any possible musical genre.
A voice that spills in words that are not Japanese either also soars quickly through the performing room in the night club. Amazing. It's just rehearsal and Daidouji-san always manages to make it look like the main event.
- Yuto-san, aren´t you going to finish connecting the rest of the speakers?
-Hai, Tsuwabuki-san. I was on my way, in fact...
But that's a downright lie. If he moved towards the speakers it was only to be closer to her.
The way she holds the guitar. A child she is, like cuddling to it...
(Little does he know that this child thinks of her activity as more like caressing every bit of a lover so that the drunken chants of promises and desires come out for her delight).
- Yuto-san! You should really get a load of what she's singing!
He stops pretending to work the connections to the main audio equipment. He sighs in relief, for he can now watch his beloved without having to disguise he's doing it.
... And true love waits...
She can recall perfectly that a few days ago that her darling, ever-energetic Sakura-chan was right under the door of the school, before she arrived... Thus, the oddity of the day ensued.
- Ohayo gozaimasu, Sakura-chan!
I didn't mean to sound so cheery, yet this effect of silly yet enveloping giddiness is now second nature to me.
She didn't answer immediately. I then examined her a bit, and found her wearing headphones. That explains it.
That also gives me the perfect excuse to approach her, and gently touch her shoulder. The tiny yet guilty pleasures I have.
- Huh? Ah, Tomoyo-chan! Ohayo!
Right on her heels she turns to me. This overwhelming physical and spiritual being that's Kinomoto Sakura. She also removes the headphones, and presses "stop" on an old cassette walkman.
- It's unusual for Sakura-chan to bring any kind of gadget for listening music to, having Li-kun's car stereo for that.
My sweet one blushes. Gosh! How I love when she does that!
- Well... Syaoran´s car does not have a tape player. And besides, I want to listen this song by myself.
Asking the right questions, you get the right answers. Boy! Did I EVER get a response like that!
She grasped my arm and pulled me away. Of course I wasn't going to put up any resistance, since I didn't in a long time enjoy this kind of brusque needy behavior of hers towards me. Besides, with her height and strength, it would've been useless. And there, under the lonely stairs of the back of the main building, I discovered just how powerful sometimes the tiny earphones of a cassette player could be, asking nothing of a CD or mp3 player.
- You... you say that you found it while helping your brother pack for his home moving?
I heard also how Sakura-chan, when she finds something like this, can speak so passionate. As if there was no other tune in the world worthy of mention than this one.
I smiled later on because of this incident while on that same evening I sorted through my own attic and visited the neatly kept tapes, suits and designs that on other times I made for Sakura-chan. I sighed a while, felt as giddy as in her presence, like a child. And out of nowhere I started sorting out the notes of the song.
She suddenly stopped playing the guitar. The stares she was getting from her bandmates made her feel uncomfortable.
- Errr... Anything wrong?
He couldn't believe it. It was rare to see deliciously mature Daidouji-san insecure. Why would she, with her perfect voice and playing genius, stop?
- I know we only play non-English songs from time to time... If it's alright with you guys, I'll include this song in our repertoire for the next show.
They were all surprised. Rarely did their divinely praised vocalist ever suggest a melody. She always seemed at ease with whatever song they'd come up with.
Before even the usual control freak of Tsuwabuki answered, Yuto glanced quickly at the rest of his bandmates and said:
- You think we'd hold you back on this one? The song's absolutely gorgeous! And.... - he involuntarily lowered his voice- since you're leaving in a few weeks, I don't see what harm can come from a Radiohead song.
She smiled her best smile. Of course, the only ones that knew her plans were they, her brothers in music. She didn't want to hold the news from them, mainly to give them time to search for her replacement. They all nodded, and she waited for Yuto to finish hooking up the audio equipment.
... in haunted attics...
Butterflies fly lazily in memories confined.
It's always this way. Waiting.
Waiting, waiting. Emotions gathering dust.
Waiting for someone to sweep the ages old crust of earth off them. Waiting for her.
Waiting for the one who suggested she'd perform this song.
- Now, lets run an audio check before rehearsing... - she sighed. And again an ages worn locket was taken out by her hand, and she trusted to it her success, like every time she embarked on an activity.
---------
parenthesis : Sakura & Kerberos
- Sakura? Sakura??
There was no response.
- SAAAKUUURAAAAAAAA???!!!!!
- Hoe!! What's with the screaming, Kero-chan?
The floating creature with the world's most obvious Osaka accent was looking sternly into her eyes, waving one of his arms in the direction of the studying desk.
- Didn't you notice it?!
She got up as fast as she could and her usually skeptic expression at whatever the Seal Beast hollered wildly about changed rapidly into one of disbelief.
- What?! What did I-
The image spoke clearly for itself- the top drawer, and the Sakura Book. Both open wide.
I have to rub my eyes two times or more. And still this is too weird to believe in. For it's been a long time since the cards, aside from their morning greet, have shown a tendency to get out by themselves.
- Kero... Is- are- any cards missing?
- Kero?- His silence is making me nervous, but I try to stay as calm as possible. - Kero? Am I right in supposing a card is missing?
The only thing he does is nod his head. Once and again. Nod his head and speak in the most skeptic of voices.
- Sakura, I must know... Did you open the book by any chance? For any purpose? Sakura?
I have now engaged myself in this mimical response. I shake my head in refusal to his questions.
- Kero, please tell me... Is there anything wrong? Who could've opened the book? Which cards disappeared?
Stepping closer to the drawer, I suddenly stop her. To calm her confusion, I say:
- Don't bother in examining the book... I already did, and found only missing the Dream card.
With her evergreen eyes rolling she couldn't have expressed more concern than she did in that second.
- Yume? Yume's missing?
I knew which card was Kero-chan talking about- the one Syaoran-kun captured inside Tokyo Tower.
- Errr, Kero... do you think she's still mad at me by accidently stepping on her back when I sealed her?
The Seal Beast's mad wing fluttering couldn't have also expressed more disbelief.
- Nice joke, Sakura. But this is serious... Yet...
I drew closer to listen in on what Kero started mumbling about.
- Hmmmm...... Hmmmm. Hmmmm!!!!
- What, Kero-chan?
- If the Dream card moved by itself... as all points out... what could've motivated it? Kami-sama! I can't believe you didn't feel its aura as it moved up and flew away!
I can't believe it either. All these years merely giving the cards their morning salutation and nothing else has probably made my magical sixth sense sluggish.
The dying sunlight bathes my face for the last time. My eyes are drawn to the sun instantly. I can imagine the comments this would draw out from Syaoran...
- You know... you actually look cute like that....
Of course, that would've been after I tortured him into saying it because he'd stared at my face, too silently, too long.
... And of course, I think of what another sweet phraser would say. Tomoyo-chan.
- It's quite natural that green should follow gold. Sakura-chan and Nature as one in my humble point of view.
I find myself next wondering on the flock of butterflies chasing after the sun.
- Yume... what- what's going on?
The butterflies in my stomach stir yet downward. I'm not sure of anything right now.
Except that I'd like to chase after them. I lean into the windowsill and watch them go by.
.... Don't leave...
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parenthesis 2 : Yuto & His Dream Girl
- You're chasing after a dream. Don't you know that?
- Huh?
- Yuto-san,- began Tsuwabuki in a calm voice - it was a long time ago that I was in your place... Hell! Who wouldn't?! She's...
Daidouji Tomoyo was now finished in writing down for everyone the musical sheet for the song. She set back a lock of her long dark hair that came across her face while she was bent over the box doing the transcription.
- ... beautiful...
- Fukuy-kun, can you please take this to the nearest copier and get at least six sets?-. The mere pale long hand of hers seemed to glide effortless through the heavy air of this for now empty nightclub.
-... sublime...
She seemed to be in control, her mind probably set in planning the further details of the performance.
-... so mature...
Yuto was sincerely amazed. Tsuwabuki was describing his thoughts on Tomoyo just as if he had his mind between his hands to read.
- Ah... I could just go on and on, and still not quite reach the half of her pros, ol' chum! But...
- What, Tsuwabuki-san?
Tsuwabuki opened slightly his mouth as if to speak, but held his tongue back when he heard a pair of footsteps hurriedly march towards the stage area.
Daidouji-san turned around as well. A sheet of anticipation covered her eyes.
---------
... And True Love Lives....
She's staring at me. Again.
And I stop my humming. Sakura smiles. About enough to bring me to silence and feel nervous waiting for her voice to fill the space I left.
- I see I created a monster. You really liked that song, Tomoyo-chan?
It may have been the afternoon breeze, but I had the notion that it was the warmth of her breath I felt against my cheek. Then again, she wasn't that close enough.
Imagination plays the brightest yet cruelest of pranks on one.
But, in fact, her face was –if just- a few inches away from mine.
- The song is lovely. I heard about the band and some of their material before, but I never imagined they could possibly write down something so simple and pure.
-In fact.- I added looking directly into her gorgeous emerald eyes with occasional specks of gold every now and then – I convinced the band to rehearse it for our next performance.
She smiled a pleasant smile. One I knew of result from what I said.
It also made me smile, yet as always mine was as I, discreet and unwilling to hint at my own exploding happiness.
- It’s good to know something like this... amid a crisis like the one I’m having..
- What was that you said, Sakura-chan?
With half of herself trying to mantain the focus of her gaze into my face, and the other preventing if a bit sloppily that her hands trembled from the concern that invaded her, Sakura elaborated in carefully chosen words the present problem.
- ... And, it may have nothing to do with the incident, but I’ve been having strange dreams, and even daydreams lately. Tomoyo-chan, do you think these things might be related?
I pondered, assisting myself with an arm folded in a way to bring my hand to my chin and hold the rim of my thoughts through that of my face. Memory serves one well every once in a while, and to mind came the time I had one of the most strongest daydreams I’d ever had with my dear energetic girl...
- Tomoyo?
- Tomoyo! Tomoyo!! Tomoyo!!! Tomoyo!!!! Tomoyo!!!!!
I was frozen stiff, the camera held dead at my lower side. As I like to think sometimes, there she was, taunting me, calling me on, plain teasing me. Images of her cladded in the many costumes I’ve designed encircled me and danced the dance of envelopement.
- Tomoyo! Tomoyo!! Tomoyo!!! Tomoyo!!!! Tomoyo!!!!!
I, finally giving in to the spell, set my camera ready and ran after her, no matter how many of her they were. I ran after her, along with her voice was mine with a soft if ecstasic laughter...
I’ve never told her of that daydream back when we were children, and firmly nod to myself a “never will tell her” as she pours out the details of what has been going on her mind these days.
- Have you told Li-kun about what’s going on?
Her eyes withdrew a bit brusque from me and fixed themselves on the passing cars by the busy avenue. I should've known the answer.
- No.
The question that followed was obviously a dumb(?) one.
- Why not?
For the longest time she paused as to consider her next words, all because she feared sounding like mad to the ears of the usually logical yet closeted romantic that was her best friend.
- I'm afraid... Afraid he'll say he's been having the same visions...
These last syllables acoustically died out from her lips, a failed sentence from a fugacious image that refused to go away.
(he's running off... yesterday, he was just walking away...)
Kinomoto Sakura didn't hear the slight flutter of her friend's sleeves, and snapped back to her senses when Daidouji Tomoyo had finished moving to put both of her hands on her sad crouched shoulders.
- Sakura, please, look at me.
I had no choice but to do as she told me... I've never heard her say my name without the endearing “chan” she employs regularly.
There, before me, was a girl imprisoned by nightmares she should not be having. Not at all!! If anyone in the world deserved to be spared from such things was my friend, my love.
My Sakura-chan.
- Listen... if anyone in the world deserves to be spared from such things is you... I must say as well that I've never met a couple that so were meant for each other like Li-kun and you.
And for a still uneasy Kinomoto Sakura she repeated in a harmonious tone, so similar to her singing voice:
- Li-kun AND you.
I saw suddenly the skies clearer. I could even line a small smile.
Her voice has this effect on me, you see.
I looked up to HER face. There was absolutely no way I could deny that glueing my eyes to hers was better than the skies themselves.
(... so serene... yet firm...)
For now, no image-conjured boyfriend nor anyone else runs off into the distance.
- You're right. I musn't let myself be deceived by the nightmares. He loves me, he has shown it a million times before. Arigato, Tomoyo-chan.
The alleviated brunette, perhaps overpowered by gratitude, takes a rather huge step forward and hugs the all-knowing dark-haired beauty. The latter returns a bit hesitant the embrace. She does this like one handling a treasure.
- Really... it was nothing, little one.
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Chapter 3 : Syaoran
It was nothing AND everything at the same time.
The scene that just played. That she just described in her most detailed fashion.
For a moment, the skies were clearer. Yet darkness always finds a way to return, goes an old saying.
He couldn't stop thinking about it too. That and what she just told him.
He hadn't counted on this visit, even if he extended every courtesy known to his guest.
- You're- you're doing this out of love, aren't you???
She normally wouldn't have anything to say if the young man in front of her, and so like Sakura in many ways!, sounded stern and almost accusatory about her feelings. Even though, she stood her ground.
- I'm not here to enumerate your duties as a man in love, Li. Help her find Yume, and please, please tell her about the dream you had back when we were children.
Next, the same pair of small yet softly colored lips that spoke these words were sipping the cup of tea he poured prior to the odd conversation.
- How did you know I hadn't told her about the incident at the movie theater?
(How did she know about the dream at all?!)
Li Syaoran, the heir to the banking and cultural estate of one of the most powerful families in all of China, still found himself amazed at the intuitive? or observatory ? powers of the porcelained girl.
She only grinned.
How did you?, he repeated.
She glanced at him over the edge of her tea cup.
- You're so much like her, Li-kun- telling a friend but never the one you love about personal matters... I understand, you'd rather alarm anybody else than her, like she'd prefer not causing you any inconvenience.
The tea cup was then on the table. Daidouji Tomoyo stood from the chair and bowed.
- The tea was magnificent. Give my compliments to Wei-san.
He shook his head.
- It wasn't Wei-
- It was MEEEE!!!!!!!
And out stepped from the kitchen a formidable looking girl. The odango styled raven hair was unmistakably belonging to only one person.
Tomoyo acknowledged her presence. She paused on her way out, but only to unwrap a candy she had in her blazer's pocket, and ultimately reassumed her march.
Thump. The door closed with a steady sound. But both of the cousins just stared in its direction.
- What was up with her, Syaoran? She didn't even stop to say hello...
The brown haired and eyed boy just once glanced back at his cousin Li MeiLing. He drew a bit of air to say something, but looked again at the door and finally kept to a desk which he approached.
Leaning on it, he answered as if only to himself and a higher power:
- All I can tell you, MeiLing, is that...
She looked at him with that piercing glare of her red eyes.
- What?
I just nodded. My hand gestured my dismissal of the subject.
It seems true: ... And True Love Wins....
... On lollipops and crisps...
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parenthesis : Daidouji Tomoyo & Sonomi
It was perfectly logical.
He dreamed about her too back when we first stumbled unto Yume.
I knew it by the way he acted around her. The averting eyes, the sudden blushes that invaded his cheeks. I shied a bit too when it happened. He, as well as I, had realized that day that he'd fallen under the spell of our lovely mage friend.
But my heaven/plight had started way before the Clow cards were released back onto the world accidently by my curious Sakura-chan. I can perfectly recall my vision the first time I saw her, right there in the classroom numbered "3-1". Even with no absolute knowledge of who she was and what she'd be, I was hit with a vision of her cladded in fantastic suits, wielding a magical scepter and some cards as to perform a spell.
Next thing I was conscious of is when she took seat right next to my desk, and I found so hard the rest of the day, and everyday since, to keep my eyes off her...
Tomoyo decided to well better concentrate on the present. The whole dream matter has abruptly transformed from a heavenly refuge to a worrisome deceivement. A heavy burden not only for the Card Mistress.
- Whew! This is the second suitcase I pack and I'm STILL not done!!
- What surprises me,- replied an observant mother of this girl genius- is that you're not loading up your tapes or your so cherised designs. Otherwise, we'd probably had to reserve an entire plane to take all what's in your room!
Daidouji Sonomi, a still attractive businesswoman and full-time worshiper of her late cousin Nadeshiko, walked quietly from under the door and leaned inside her daughter's wardrobe to help her.
- I look at you right now, Tomoyo-chan, and it finally hits me that you've gone a long way from the newborn child I cherised immediately.
She kept passing to her rather quiet daughter the boxes previously packed two weeks ago.
- You truly do resemble my dear Nadeshiko, and that fact makes it more difficult to accept you're leaving.
The younger Daidouji braked to a halt from her chaotic thinking and doing. She now stared with intense -if it could ever be- blue in her eyes, and a deep understanding smile drawn across her face.
- Okasa-san, does this all too remind you of when Nadeshiko-san left grandfather's house?
Her eyes welled up with tears, but not one escaped their concealment space.
- Yes. That was when I knew it was the beginning of the end. The end of whatever my hope had created, conjured in dreams.
I left my boxes and stepped onto my mother's side. I took her hand just like she did when I was a child.
- My departure's not for eternity. I'll return in vacation time. Besides, I could never be apart from my family so long!
I held her hand more tightly, if still in a gentle manner. When our eyes met again, mine also did the trademark Daidouji hold-as-long-as-possible-those-tears look.
I kept thinking that in less than two weeks I'll be more capable of keeping my pledge to never tell Sakura-chan my feelings, or that dream, and others.
Never tell her how she changed my world since that fatefull eraser incident.
Never tell her that in every costume I designed each inch of fabric, of thread, was a confirmation of my love for her.
Never tell her that I doubt I could possibly survive without her. That I, nor she, should ever leave each other's side.
... Just...
... Don't leave...
... Don't leave...
Perhaps, like her daughter, Sonomi was also tempted to murmur such words as she watched a couple of butterflies leave the tree next to the window.
------------
parenthesis 2 : Guardian Kerberos & Card Mistress Sakura
For once, I'd love everything to be easy.
Right now, I'd like that to happen with this stubborn bottle so I can drink my soda!!
Just hear me- my life basicly revolves 'round all the gaming consoles I've made Sakura-san buy through the years, food...
(... like this stupid soda that won't budge!!)
... ah!!! The cards and the Book. Guarding them. Guarding the Mistress, too.
FIZZ!!! Great!! About time this thing finally opened!!! And just as I give the cap a final twist...
POP!!!
OOOWWWWW!!!!! KERO!!!!!!!!
Well, so much for keeping her out of danger!
There she is- rubbing the spot on her head in which the bottle cap landed. She winced for a few moments before turning back at me and changing her pained expression to an angry one, accompanied with all and a raised fist.
Think, think quick, Kerberos... Yay!! I got it!!!
- Errr... Sakura, have you already found the missing card???
Whew!!!! Thank the Gods she froze and put down that knuckle sandwich she was readying to serve me!!!!!
My auburn haired Card Mistress half-closed her eyes and sighed noisily.
- Ie, Kero-chan, nothing so far...
She finished the phrase with a total slump to the ground. Kero returned to gulp a bit of his soft drink, and after a few minutes he turned his kitten-like face back to her. He also sighed, hardly audible anyway, and flew to her side with his bottle.
He offered shyly:
- Wanna sip of this?? It's a good tasting cola.
It's heart-warming to watch a smile go up her face. She takes the soda and gives if just a small gulp -a rather audible one-.
Now, I approach her, and pat her fuzzy looking head.
Her eyes express something more troubling then the loss of a card or of sleep (yep, I HAVE noticed she hasn't slept enough these days, aside from hearing her troubled murmurs while she got a few moments' rest). She stares at me so directly I feel it hurts a bit. Like watching a beautiful flower wither to nothing.
- Kero, did you-
- What do you want to ask me??
I realized his face was not at all with a puzzled expression. Perhaps he knew then what I wanted to enquire.
- Did you... did you know that Tomoyo-chan's leaving in a week???
Pure pained speech. No anger nor bitter surprise. Pure Sadness, from the purest human I've known.
My answer was simplicity in its own purity as well.
- Yes. You found out from someone who wasn't Tomoyo, huh????
If my answer was simple, her nod was the esense of the word.
- Who- How... did it happen?????
It was all too well clear for me that I shouldn't start by asking who, but rather by knowing the circumstances. And then her story would unfold like an instrument gently playing, exploring the harmony it makes while tripping with obstacles in the air.
She started, with half a studder, and then with the pour-out of words...
----------------------
- What exactly did that mean?
- Huh?? What are you talking about???
She once again took a bite out of the butter cookies she bought, and had another gulp of her lukewarm tea. If anyone could say that knew him the best, that would be her though, with what she'd just witnessed, she wasn't now so sure. Certainly not sure enough to blindly accept the most absurd wish of his!
Sighing in defeat. She perfectly realizes now that I'll tell her everything. But first, I must walk over to the balcony of my apartment, and watch the fascinating yet still foreign sunset over the waters of the Yokohama bay. It'll only take me a few minutes, she accepts this too patiently.
- You're thinking about the bay back home, aren't you?
I sigh again. Mind you, not in defeat.
She has slowly paced to where I am, and has put her soft hand over my rough shoulder.
- MeiLing, I-
- Don't say a thing, Syaoran. I understand what's going on... I mean, it must be hard to leave all of this behind suddenly...
I squeeze her hand in mine. Gently. I'm still looking at the fugitive sun, and smile.
- Lets not talk about that right now. Here, won't you step outside and watch with me like in Hong Kong this wonderful site?
I scurry aside from the center of the balcony, and she reluctantly goes to my side. A tint of red, so similar to her eyes, goes up her cheeks.
- Alright. I also happen to love it too, you know... In fact,- she adds facing me - it's a dream I had just a few days ago... watching a sunset with you, enjoying the silence...
- And???- I glance to where she is, taking note that her dream so far is so alike mine, that one of childhood with Sakura. It meant love.
She draws close to me, this time squeezing my hand in hers. A blush is evident even in the color of her earlobes.
- ... the ocean behind us... and... an embrace. It meant love... still does.
I understand what she says. She's saying that...
- MeiLing... back when we captured the Dream card... you-you...
She lets go of my hand. An all-knowing smirk drew on her pretty face.
- Yes, Syaoran. I, like Kinomoto-san, Daidouji-san, AND you, had a vision given by Yume.
----------------------
Chapter 4 : Yume & The Troubled Trio
I-I felt so better... so better, after speaking with Tomoyo-chan. Hell, I was such a smiley that I almost forgot about my confusing dreams with Syaoran-kun... Everything would be alright if I held on to what I have with him, like she told me to. Not hold on, I told myself. Believe.
Yeah, that's it.
Believe. Though, at the moment, it wouldn't be enough to get me through this every-last-inch-of-sidewalk-invading crowd!
Then, the song again. It hit me back, with full force. My urge to hear it told me that Tomoyo's band was practicing the song when not more than half an hour again I stepped inside the club and interrupted them.
Hehe. Maybe if I make my way back there, they'd still be at it, with Tomoyo being such a perfectionist and all... Lets go then.
Just a minute, just a minute... I'm forgetting to tell you about yet another vision...
- Are you saying that perhaps the Dream Card was around there???
Well, many things trigger my imagination and send it running 400 kilometers per hours, yet rarely do I actually have stuff like -scenes!- playing in my head, vividly, like the premonitions Mitsuki-sensei talked about always having.
Anyway, on my way back to the club, I saw a lightning blue butterfly glide past me...
- Good kami-sama!!! You actually DID see Yume!!!
I suppose I did, Kero. Yume's butterfly form is hard to miss, much more with that color and the way its wings seem to melt with the very air they sear on her flight. Lightning blue... reminds me of a certain someone's eyes...
- Errr... Can we please stick to the topic and not to your crushes on pop music idols, Sakura???
I AM being serious, Kero! I did think of that reminder while I walked back, and that's when it struck me- those eyes fluttered as if waving goodbye and turned to the other way, walking away. I knew who it was- it was Tomoyo-chan.
- You had a vision about Tomoyo?
I'm telling you that's how it was, right?! I- I only shook my head as if stirring off the surface of my mind's inner lake such image. That is when I realized that Yume had actually landed a few seconds before that on my shoulder, and as soon as she knew I was aware of her presence she didn't think twice on escaping.
So, I ran after her.
And, by some twist of Fate, it stopped right at the top of the tall neon sign that announces Tomoyo's club.
I had to figure a way to get it down, since after ten seconds it didn't seem to have the intention of coming down or flying off somewhere else. It was more like it was watching me... or us...
- Was there someone else?? Who???
Yuto. Tomoyo's front guitarist. He was outside having a cigarette break.
I arrived there almost out of breath, but at how he was puffing away I could've died in a matter of minutes. Only after he heard me cough about three times did he turn around and take note of my presence. Inside the club, a sultry yet languid song was sounding, and Tomoyo's voice was as if to heighten -errr, deepen- the emotion.
"Tell me, please, since when did I start loving you..."
Curious- both Yuto and I were listening oblivious to everything else. I looked in the direction of the club and smiled, as I usually do when Tomoyo graces the atmosphere with her beautifying tones.
- Do you know that song belongs to a Mexican rock star?,- he started saying out of nothing - The lyrics are directly delivered, though soft, like the bossa nova arrangements it has. I happen to have the CD, and though actually it's a good album, I would've never thought of offering it for play with the band.
He took a whiff off his half-smoked cigarette, and added:
- But I did play the track while I was giving her a ride home one day... she suddenly went silent and listened.
"... Since when did I start loving you?..."
- Her eyes, her entire body was bent on listening to the song as if a memory had been resurrected. I realized back then that I could never have a chance at her.
I didn't know how to feel, act on, about this confession- I've never considered myself a friend to him, much less have we exchanged before two or three greetings. My feet shifted my weight back and forth, my head was now looking at him rather than the club or Yume.
- The weird part is that not until this afternoon did I remember that. If I thought it a bit more carefully back then, I would've known she loves someone else, and not Tsuwabuki, not me or anyone you can think of!!
" Tell me, please, since when did this begin to hurt..."
He threw his cigarette rather harshly, hating it/himself. His usually gray, cold eyes wore an angry, desperate expression.
- Kami-sama!! If I've only known that earlier I would've tried something, anything!!, to help her... or at least make this hurt less than it does!!! It's no wonder she's so calm about leaving to New York that...
Even if in that same second the lightning blue butterfly that Yume disguises of would've flown right up to rest between my hands I probably wouldn't have noticed because of the shock and disbelief I was -STILL- in.
"... Since when did this begin to hurt?..."
- Oh yeah,- like if the sun set down on me- she's leaving...
Yuto seemed to my relief too caught up in his plight to notice me. His until now tightened lips opened as to say something, but that's when Yume flew suddenly past our faces, and disappeared amid the flickering of the street lights coming to life.
I stared at the dusk-showing sky blankly, with a pale color to my self that hasn't disappeared since. I must go back home. That is why I left Yuto with a half finished sentence out of his mouth and came here. His words, those last ones, still ring in my ear, and I don't know the hell why?!...
- ... the song's name is "Love's A Bitch"...
I tell you, Kero-chan, I don't know the hell why she didn't tell me! I don't know the hell why Yuto and his confession shook me off balance!! I don't know the hell why that and the other song ring in my ears!!!
She curled a bit more and cried off her frustration. I, as the very powerful Guardian of The Book, only left by her side the soft drink bottle and petted her short if somewhat fuzzy auburn hair to ease her.
Only ease her.
(... I'm not living...)
------------------
parenthesis : Another Kind Of Magic
- You are sure that this is what you want to do, aren't you?
Huh?
I dunno... There are many things I want- to do, for starters.
While we wait, lets light another cigarette. Under this stormy sky.
(... I'm just killing time... )
------------------
parenthesis 2 : Love's A Bitch- last rehearsal
- Wait, wait there, Fukuy-san... Can we soften a bit more the percussion sample?-, I asked while putting the microphone to rest on its stand. The thirst that was stabbing in my throat made me pick up from my duffel bag a 2 liter water bottle I never forget to take with me. My music teacher, after all, was right telling me that a singer's choice for a drink should be water, because it refreshes not just the body.
- I'll see what I can do-, I heard Fukuy-san scream from the back of the synthesizers he played. And out came a bunch of "kitchen work", like we call what he does, in many tones, in different tempos.
Tsuwabuki, as usual, was the first to hurry to where I was standing and spurt out his list of observations- your voice on this part, the accoustic guitar on the musical bridge, that maybe it's not a good idea to soften the percussion sample...
-... that in fact it's total madness to learn two new songs before tomorrow night! Daidouji-san, I think we should stick with our original program... it's hard not only on us these changes, but on you as well... Hell, maybe that's the reason why Yuto slipped out during this song...
I took an extra sip before considering a decent reply to the ever nervous Tsuwabuki-kun. There.
- Yuto-kun already knows this song. He said clearly he was going out on a cigarette break, remember?
Tsuwabuki's dirty blond hair shook trying to think of something. He was genuinely worried about having to rehearse extra hours and change the program.
- I must confess I'm quite nervous about this performance, not just because it's my last here in Tokyo... It's also the last I may have with you guys, the last I'll have in front of the audience that has been kind to us, the last that I step in the stage of this club to which I'll be grateful...
He probably heard the sudden down my tone took.
- Gomen ne, Tomoyo I forgot what this concert not only means to us, but to you. It may be difficult, but we'll pull this off together,- he grinned even making his eyes gain a cute childlike glimmer- Should I go and tell Yuto to get his ass in here?
Giggles. Whenever she does that, it's always accompanied by a hand slightly raised to her lips, perhaps restraining herself from a full loud laughter.
- Tell him whatever is necessary to bring him here, Tsuwabuki-san.
One minute.
Two minutes.
And so on to five minutes. The only thing crossing the main entrance of the bar is an angry, frustrated Tsuwabuki.
- Tsuwa-
- He won’t come in unless you go by yourself to beg him!!-, he spitted out as he crushed an unused cigarette in his hand.
- Were you again chastising him over smoking, Tsuwabuki-san?
Abruptly, as it had started, the blonde ones anger dissipated. He knew it wasn’t his duty to tell her what really happened, so he nodded and dragged his feet to the nearest barstool.
- I’ll be right back- I said as my own feet guided me to the exit door.
One raindrop.
As soon as I was outside I was hit by one.
He was glaring at me. No sooner I had made my way through the door.
Two raindrops.
- Would you mind telling me what’s going on now?
Clouds were getting darker. Like his grayish eyes.
- Is it about another fight between your folks? You know you can always count on us, Yuto-san!
I gave my best sympathetic smile. Clouds were getting darker. Like his grayish eyes.
Three raindrops.
You don’t know actually what’s going on. At least what’s going on with me.
Huh?
He was glaring at me. No sooner I’ve spoken my heart deep concern for him.
But allow me to tell you something… I DO know what’s going on with YOU!
Huh??
I’m afraid I’m not following you. The clouds are as darker as I could ever recall.
Four tiny raindrops make their way to rest on my head.
A cigarette. A lighter. A click and a puff. A thread of smoke almost as dark as the skies pressing creepily.
Your departure reason was here. SHE was HERE!
One, two… three… four, five… I try to keep count if just to keep myself in check.
- I’m really really not following, Yuto-san…
I can’t pull out that smile he praises usually.
Suddenly he’s the one grinning. A bit of a mixed expression. Like the mixed tones of darkness above us.
- You sure DO know of who am I talking about… and… and, I understand, finally. Finally, why… why you can’t nor could ever love any of the guys… or me.
Clack. My jaw. Silence. Overwhelming. My vocal chords.
Puff away this sadness. Tobacco can roll out tranquility for awhile, if just for a short while. Nevertheless, enough to make myself do you this service…
Daidouji Tomoyo found that the raindrops had stopped battering the top of her skull. He, the most dearest of her bandmates, was right with her, close, and shielding her with his height from the pouring.
- Don’t leave off like a frightened child. Tell her, tell her. If just for the sake of the question that haunts you. And after that, leave, but leave if your worst fears come true.
- Wha- what if she says yes? What if that happened?
Yuto understood. Fear had taken her. He allowed her to lean her head against his chest.
Now he was getting soaked both from above and upfront.
She, a princess of maturity, had transformed into a child in his ensuing comprehensive embrace.
Love’s a bitch…
------------------------------
It makes you help to your own death even your rivals.
Syaoran was heading to his room. It was god awful late, and he had things to do tomorrow.
What if it could still work? What if?
Yet I’m not a man who loses himself in “what ifs”.
I had a cat for whom I cared as a child despite my mother’s recommendations not to take in a pet of any kind.
I went after my cousin MeiLing’s bird even if Wei-san warned me of the incoming rain.
I left my beloved Hong Kong for the first time, my friends, my family, for new ones, for a new city, for the recovery of the family legacy. The Clow cards.
It was more than Destiny or mere luck that made me not just do, but accept these things. Duty. A sense of duty.
He stopped briefly at MeiLing’s door. She could never seem to shut it completely. Until a few days ago he’d be annoyed at her strategies to always keep an eye on him, guard him, be ready to step out just in case…
Since when?
Since when we were children, I guess. I smile back at you and you step a bit behind the door.
I’m surprised you’re still up. Wanna tell me what’s going on?
- I hadn’t told Sakura yet. I guess I’m still nervous…
- Or perhaps you’re having second thoughts, aren’t you?
Sometimes, sometimes the melody of me dreams with your cheeriness…
I blushed. But not because of your reply.
Sometimes, sometimes out of the blue I dream that I fall with you…
The shimmering blue appears out of the darkness of my room. I sense it, and leave MeiLing without an answer…
Not that she needed one.
… Which exactly was what I’d say...
A park. King Penguin Park.
A set of swings. My lovely cherry-haired girl swinging softly, almost with grace…
And it’s the grace with which she does it that freezes me.
I recall perfectly, with a precision that makes me sadden a bit, the many times we’ve been to that park, to the set of swings. I’ve never ever pushed her in that steady flow. Gods!, it’s even musical, tasteful. At that pace she could reach all she’s ever wanted…
… without me.
Sometimes, sometimes the melody of me dreams with your cheeriness,
Like in those nights in which my hand only finds excuses to write…
I have it now sinking into me, so clear, so clear it hurts yet dissipating all doubts.
Pushing her is none other than the angel o’ silent grace herself. A good friend to me, and the best of friends to her.
What I want to say, love,
Is that I’ve been so happy by your side…
It’s the truth. The simple truth. I extend my hand in front of me. I wait.
Thank you, gods. Thank you, Sakura.
My hand is lit with a lightning blue glow. Must be as well the real color of truth.
I’m in perfect knowledge of my destiny. Thank you, Yume.
The butterfly in his hand fluttered in its place a bit, nodding back.
--------------
Chapter Five : Everything Has Been Written… In The Book Of Sakura
A man in his mid-forties opens the door. The first ready comment anyone could have is that this man indeed does not show his age. And if they knew the one tragedy that casts a shadow on his life, they’d be more surprised for this auburn haired father with round spectacles still cherises –and misses- the woman that once shared his life.
Li Syaoran greets this man in his solemn yet kind manner.
- Ohayo gozaimasu, Kinomoto-sama.
- Ohayo, Li-kun. Please make yourself comfortable while I call Sakura.
- Arigato gozaimasu, Kinomoto-sama.
Kinomoto Fujitaka took a long stare at this well-dressed and mannered young man. There was something- different about him.
Trouble in the air? No, he seems well in control…
- Li-kun?
- Yes?
Fujitaka walked to his side, and layed a hand on one of the strong shoulders of Syaoran.
- Nothing. I’m glad you arrived. With you here it’s more than sure that my little girl shall smile again.
My eyes may have widened, I admit. But I was not so surprised. Kinomoto-sama, in my opinion, seems to have an otherwordly wisdom.
Steps being lightly pounded by his feet. Knock knock. Murmurs, since I can’t hear what they’re saying, but have a good idea what it is.
Heading downstairs, a rather hurried stomp. I turn from my seat at the large sofa and watch my Sakura jump the last step and land right next to the table with a white vase and a photo of her mother.
Yeah, right… I’m not supposed to attach to her name a possessive noun. Old habits are hard to break…
… yet I dare say she has started with the process herself. By the look on her face, and her hand gesturing that we’d talk outside.
Funny, I expected you to come today.
I nod. Then I’ll make this quick. And no sooner I spoke she stepped forward.
I hand her back the Dream card. She smiles, and turns to make her way upstairs when suddenly she adds, “Syaoran-kun”.
Yes?
Arigato for everything. I learned so much from you… and I wonder if you could make it tonight to Rika-chan’s house. Tomoyo-chan’s leaving for New York some time next week and I’m making her a farewell party… one last get-together among the best of friends.
I could perfectly tell that as she said this her eyes lost a bit of their flickering quality. My hand reached out to one of hers, and held it softly.
- Hey, don’t think about what still doesn’t happen. Focus on giving Daidouji-san a good time- AND a nice surprise.
Now those emerald jewels were showing how dumbfounded she felt with my comment. She murmured my name and was ready to take her left hand to slip the ring I gave her off her finger. I shook my head back in refusal of her gesture.
I kissed her for the last time. Sakura, who for almost a lifetime was my love, the center of my universe.
Did you know I dreamed about you back at the same day we captured Yume? I loved you since then, I’ll always love you. Just that my time with you has passed. This ring I gave you- give it to someone else… a child, an old person, a man, or a woman. Who you truly love.
Then he walked in his slow, steady manner, out of the door.
My eyes were now stinging. Yet the smile did not leave me.
And as I watched him leave, I murmured to the wind, to the butterflies, to the flowers… Arigato, Syaoran!
-----------------
parenthesis – Art Surpasses Life
I murmured to the wind, to the butterflies, to the flowers… Sakura-chan…
… for I had no other words while leaning on the windowsill looking outside.
Too many things to do yet. And so little time. You could only limit to thinking that while glancing at the piles and piles of tapes, photo albums and canvases she ever embarked on filling since she met her.
“And I can’t believe I’m actually devising a way to have them all delivered to me in New York in a month!”.
It was anyone’s guess the feelings going through her if they learned she’s been the last few nights without much sleep watching ‘til the first minutes of the dawn the many videos she recorded amid the haze of her existence alongside the spriteful brunette. She’d like to fancy at times she injected all her passion for art with the drug distilling out of everything Kinomoto Sakura did and did not do. Singing, snapping photos, recording video, painting, sketching!! Goddess! No wonder people think I’m a creepy character! Any psychiatrist will have to agree this is obsession! OBSESSION!!
She laughed, that petite laugh of hers. People could say whatever they wanted. She never cared enough for what they thought anyways. After all, theirs lives weren’t in any form being touched by the Card Mistress, so they could never understand the discreet magic she worked on those she encountered. For instance, Grandfather never ceased to ask for her mother, whenever Sakura visits, always manages to step into our activity or conversations, and spend a while in her company Syaoran returned to Japan just for her… Just for her.
And here I am leaving because of her!
She fights back the tears, though. When she planned this trip she promised she’d only be away for as long as it took to leave aside her feelings and move on. But now that I’m viewing the tapes, paging the albums, contemplating my oils and sketches- how long will that be?
The truth is that I love you, and sooner or later that truth shall kill me! Before I realize what I’ve done, my fingers have pressed “play” on the DVD’s remote control, and there you are, right in front me, smiling, smiling that big, warm smile of yours.
And I’m in tears. They’ve gone out, violated my will. I’m losing myself in a nightmare. The emptiness. Like the blackness that follows the recorded portions of a tape. Right after the dream.
The dream that means each event reproduced in every item here.
My muscles loosen a bit. My dreams. I’ve forgotten about them amid the turmoil of these days. A buzz. A message has reached my cell phone. Okay. Rika’s mailing to invite me over to a reunion she’s holding for Yamazaki-kun’s trip to Boston. He got that scholarship for Harvard. Must’ve told them in that personal essay plenty of high tales… but who wouldn’t? It’s for his future.
I’ve told them as well for mine. To her especially. I’ll go, if just to see her one last time along with our old group of friends. Then I’ll just glance at her while at the concert. My eyes in the evening shall be those of a man lost in the desert.
Until later this day, I’ll just keep watching my tapes. Perhaps finish the painting. Lose myself in sleep, in art. I’m having an idea to even edit a tape… After that, I’ll begin the process of cutting myself off from these never-meant-to-be dreams.
A process, you all must agree, that will take her the rest of her life. A life that’ll sometimes have that bite eased by the sight of the New York skyline.
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parenthesis 2 : Truth On Video and Off It
I just hate sounding tragic about it. But this may well be my last chance to do something right in my life.
Not that I haven’t done good things… Then again playing as a Master in an RPG doesn’t count at all.
Yep, you’ve read right. That’s how I’d sum my role –though Kero says and once even made me believe it was a duty- as a Card Mistress.
Just for now, I’m not going any deeper on that matter. Despite some inconveniences, it’s still one of the best things to ever happen to me.
- … like my friends here tonight! I’m so glad all of you could make it at a last minute call!-, sighed in relief Kinomoto Sakura.
- Are you implying that otherwise you wouldn’t have called us, Kinomoto-san?
Yamazaki was piercing her with his skeptical glance. He grinned as he noticed the sweat appearing on the young brunette’s forehead, and knew it was his signal to begin…
Have you… have you ever heard of the “Last Minute Party” curse??
Huh??
All the attention the skinny looking dark haired boy could ever wish for was set on him. Yep, after many years, we still listen to every little thing he comes up with!
- In ancient Egypt, many festivities existed so there would be celebrations going on every week. But Egyptians were fond as well of finding gods in whatever object or phenomenon they stumbled upon, so this would multiply at least five more times the festivities calendar…
He turned to check behind his back. Just in case you-know-who ruins your fun by dragging you out.
- … And so it happened that the entire year was full, and no one had work. One day, an apprentice to the high priest of Ra decided to play a prank on everyone by making up a festivity and denounced at the town square the unworthiness of all the people because they failed to please the deity by holding a party,- If there was a better moment to add Yamazaki’s master acting skills, this was one!, since the girls swore he looked identical to that mischievious character. - The townspeople looked at each other in awe and fear, and marched off quickly to prepare the celebrations, all in accordance to the instructions of the young apprentice…
- Gods! Strike me down now!
This time it was Rika who sweated a bit. Naoko, the girl with round-framed glasses, giggled and Sakura snapped out of her amazement. Yamazaki was in for it!
The line previously heard was delivered in the most exasperated tone ever employed by any human being. The employer was an average height, slim built girl with an odd-colored brown hair with golden highlights, and though normally sweet yet now fiery dark eyes.
Her friends say she’s named Chiharu. I’ve checked her student ID and it states the same. Heck! Even her personal papers say that!
And that’s the name engraved on the ring she gave me too.
Ah jeez! I forgot I engraved mine on the ring she has and that surely is now printed as well at the top of my head!
- You deserve that knuckle sandwich! Baka! What would happen if Harvard gets a hold on all the lies you’ve told throughout the years?!
I smile and say they’ll just probably send me directly to the Central Intelligence Agency. She sighs in her kawaii defeated look and drags me off to the table.
- Well, enough story-telling! – Chiharu grabs a glass and starts pouring a drink. – I bet everyone’s thirsty!
All those gathered here tonight scream a joyous hai. I only stay behind a bit to adjust the video camera – I must make sure the settings are perfect… and that I get the hang of this thing just in time! Whew! Never thought Tomoyo-chan surely had to dedicate plenty of time to master these machines! But with all the times she’s chased me with a camera…
… She’s running. Running after me…
No, that was then… Now, it’s away… away from me.
She shakes her head. The doorbell rings. The image must leave if she wants to be in the fullest self-control possible.
The door opens.
Surprise!!!!
It’s us greeting you.
It’s you who have walked right through the door, and into the many hugs of the gang.
I’m, however, standing a bit apart. Like you do usually when recording. Those eyes of yours are as intense as ever… yet they’re elusive, probably half in wonder why am I handling the camera in this occasion, and half… half…
Escaping.
You’re out to break me, aren’t you?
The party, Yamazaki and the girls showering me with unexpected gifts for my trip, Sakura-chan recording. What is it? No, what I meant- how did they- why is she doing this?! It dawns on me after a while that it was she who engineered this reunion, this get-together before I leave, perhaps forever, to New York. But the awkwardness caused by all the above questions is not as much as strong as my sadness.
A while has past. And not a word have we exchanged.
She’s not and never will be aware of my suffering at this moment.
- Ano, Sakura-chan…
- Huh?
- The girls and I are wondering why Li-kun isn’t here too.
Her emerald eyes, a precious inheritance from her mother, left the image on the display screen of the camera for a few seconds. She looked right back at Naoko-chan, whose brown eyes were posing more than curiosity behind the lens of her lightweight glasses.
- Ah! I forgot to tell you guys that Li-kun can’t be here tonight because-
- Because he had to look for a disc perfect for Daidouji-san!- shouted a gleeful Meiling as she sprung the door open.
The typical whisper of “boy! does she know how to make an entrance!” was well heard in the lips of her companion, who held up in the air the disc in question.- Didn’t think we’d make it for a moment- he added.
Their arrival seemed more normal to the others, but certainly not to Tomoyo nor Sakura, although the latter was extremely pleased. Pleased enough to leave the camera and run to greet in a hug both descendants of the mage Clow Reed, and to her the dearest of friends in these past days.
I’m glad you’re here, Syaoran… I examine Meiling and am surprised with how little she’s changed- let alone the physical part (still lean yet looking like a fine antique Chinese porcelain figure, with the raven hair still styled in odangos, and her soft reddish brow eyes enmarked by a pair of skeptically lined brows). It’s easy to see that her features tell on the determined, practical girl I once knew.
I go over to where they are. Bowing my head, a grateful smile on my lips. Nice way to acknowledge guests. Li-kun gives me this look. He requests we have a talk in a few minutes. I nod in agreement. All without saying a word.
Now it’s Meiling and Sakura-chan glaring at the exchange. Syaoran returns the stare, but he accompanies the gesture with handing over to both of them the disc. Play it on the stereo. I’m sure Daidouji-san will be pleased with the first of my gifts to her.
He winks as well. We’re now left alone while the rest gather in a curious crescent moon around the bearers of the disc, who are just about to press “play” on the Sony sound system Rika-san owns.
- You know, those stairs over there seem to be the most private and comfortable spot in such a wide-spaced home design.- he ventured.
- Yes. Lets sit over there and talk, Li-kun.
A piano sounding from the stereo. Tomoyo could tell perfectly it belonged to her own sliding fingers, when the band and her were starting.
- Like the gift?
- I… I must confess I’m a bit dumbfounded. I never expected you to…
- … to be a fan of yours, Daidouji-san? Well, truth is my admiration for you didn’t start right away- I liked your performances at the school choir back when we were kids, but never went ga-ga like Sakura did. One might say that aging, physically, mentally and spiritually, has changed my perception. It has not only taught me to appreciate the emotion burning behind your music, but to perceive it as well in your painting and your filming. The day I began to understand all of this, and I must say not only did my appreciation change concerning you but of others too, even my magic made a grand progress…
His pause here, not just to take a sip of the drink handed earlier by Chiharu, was a bit longer than usual.
- … and you know perfectly that after Sakura made hers all of the Clow Cards I never expected my magical abilities to make a progress at all! I may have been a bit jealous over her all these years despite our love because of her victory at the final Judgment, and somewhat a bit distrustful of others. Yet, she,-and he took a bit of time to glance at the figure of Sakura, who was laughing at a cheap impersonation of a professor made by Yamazaki- she changed all that. Very slowly, almost snail-like, but she did it. Every time she dragged me to your concerts, every time she made me sit through a Hollywood film, every time she had me do the talking whenever we encountered friends or we were making new ones. I owe her much more than I could ever pay her with…
- … which is why you’re choosing to fly back to Hong Kong and end your relationship with her. Am I right on this, Li-kun?
He wasn’t surprised on her response, nor questioned himself as usual on how could she tell many things without one trying to give too much away. He shook his head and had his hand take one of hers.
- Yes, but it’s not the reason you’re implying. It’s not just I who has outgrown her. She has done it as well with me. But I must not say no more on this.- he paused once more, and took a long sip- Talk to her, Daidouji-san, talk to her. The truths that the Dream Card revealed to us back then and now are not just for haunting our hearts. They’re for taking them into our hands and doing the right things in our lives.
Tomoyo was now blinking in confusion. Yet I’m fully aware of what he’s saying in these mist-shrouded words. I try to utter something, anything. He stands up and bows.
Arigato, Daidouji-san. Please reconsider your decision. Meiling and I wish you the best of luck.
Take care, Li-kun, Meiling-san.
I watch how they say to all a quick goodbye and promise out loud that they’ll keep in contact. He hugs once again Sakura, and they stay like that for about a minute or two.
They both look perfectly at ease. And after they let go, Sakura accompanies them to the door, and shuts it herself once she’s done waving goodbye to the speeding car.
-------------------------
Chapter Six – Not Everything Has Been Written In The Book… Of Love
It’s time to go out and face the music.
The band’s done with tuning their instruments and programming whatever electronics they got ready.
My microphone’s set.
It’s time to sing too, I remind myself. With a breath I take I set my mind to the task –what’s with me?! I never view singing as a task… why now?-, and pause. In happier times, like childhood can be every now and then, that brunette mistress o’mine would sneak backstage to wish me luck. Though she actually got me in some occasions more nervous, the sheer fact that she’d be aside my mother the one mostly attentive and applauding during the whole recital was enough stimulation for me. Thinking of this has made me stop and wait. Wait for her utopian arrival.
Wait, wait. And she finally came.
- Good luck out there, though you needn’t any, miss “Best artist I’ve known”!
- Ummm… Arigato, miss “Best captain of the Cheerleading Squad”.
I ignore why I can’t sound warm or familiar with her suddenly. Nicknames are supposed to—
Goddess! She’s a sight to behold right now! The only thing off-setting her beauty is the slight darkness in her look.
- I just wanted you to know that- that whatever happens I’ll be here for you… Waiting for you.
Sakura-chan, I…
No time there to say anything. She quickly turned and ran to get to her seat.
And I still can’t understand what she meant. Why despite that she held a party for me a few nights ago she hasn’t since spoken much more than a scarce number of phrases. She’s been… as if keeping to herself.
Just like I do whenever I’m preparing something for others. Secretive. Transforming into the sneakiest of characters. Yet all for the love of those who I cherish.
What could she be up to?
“.. please give a well deserved round of applause to this great band- Kirei na Azure!!!”
My cue. Must go immediately and get this over with.
My last concert.
------------------
parenthesis – Whispering At The Foot Of The Staircase
- So it’s going to be your last concert?- she asked with a curious note playing in her voice, yet with her emerald eyes glued to the ground.
- Yes.- I honestly had nothing else to answer her, and her attitude was from awhile back throwing me off. I mean, how did she find out about New York? And was she really comfortable with Syaoran-kun leaving?
I was staring at her with a studious yet mildly alarmed intensity, my chin propped up by my hand.
Hey… can I go watch you? Huh? Can I go watch you? It’s in the same bar I’ve known throughout the years, right? Yeah, of course you can! You’ve gone to all my presentations for so long that I cannot somehow conceive an audience without you being there…
Ah jeez! I opened my mouth too soon! And she’s quite aware of this as well, because now the same intensity with which she had her eyes linked to the ground is being applied mercilessly to me. She has a small, discreet grin, to add.
It’ll be grand if you come, Sakura.
I suppose the same too, Tomoyo…
As she said this she took my hand among hers, and grasped it tight. A sad smile crept upon her lips and a small kitty like sigh breathed out from them.
It’s that art school offer in New York the one you’re taking?
Right?
Umm- Yes! I finally decided on my future like you advised me once. I had to- make up my mind… grab a choice. No matter how much I love music, and filming, it’s painting where my dreams rise and skyrocket… Heavens! If it weren’t for your comment on my paintings months back I would’ve never settled on anything! Nervously I put my free hand over hers, and held them a bit too steady, a bit too afraid to squeeze them until our bones and blood were one as in my reverie to myself I fantasize.
The odd sadness overtaking my sweet normally energetic and optimistic girl made itself quite more obvious when she turned away and diminished her grip’s strength. I’m- I’m glad I made something like that happen for you. It’s a pity that all this time I haven’t been able to do much for you, Tomoyo-chan.
She really puzzles me. I have nothing to say, but I can’t bear her gloom expression. I want, love to see her happy, above all, and as in my self-imposed duty, I take advantage of the song playing in the stereo, and offer her a few verses in my lowest yet earnest tone:
Sometimes, sometimes the melody of me dreams with your cheeriness…
Sometimes, sometimes out of the blue I dream that I fall with you…
Sakura has softened her gorgeous facial emeralds, and has even turned to look at my stormy blue. I receive this as a good response and continue:
Sometimes, sometimes the melody of me dreams with your cheeriness,
Like in those nights in which my hand only excuses finds to write…
What I want to say, love-
Is that I’ve been so happy by your side.
In an instant our roles have switched- she, with that single sang line, her hands taking my own so tightly and close to her chest, and the ever growing intensity in her eyes has unsettled me.
She tried as all her intellect could to find an answer, something, anything, to say. But what did Sakura tried to imply?
- There! Every song you’ve rendered night after night, day after day, since I met you I’ve learned by memory too.-. If she took a pause ever so slight it was just to add- See that I’m your greatest fan and therefore can’t bear to miss being there?
The light brunette gave a wide childish grin to accompany her statement, and gave a loud childish giggle. She let go of Daidouji Tomoyo’s hands and rose from the wooden step.
- Are you going to sit there all night and not join the fun? C’mon! Rika and the others must be anxious.
Tomoyo looked at her sleeves as if they were the most interesting thing in the world, she straightened her blue velvet jacket a bit and followed suit. Yes, be as sociable and earnest with others as she could, though with a thought circling her like a shark to a future prey.
What- what’s going on, Sakura-chan?
A whisper of a song came to her lips, the only response she could give in self defense to that shark…
I'll drown my beliefs…
---------------------------------
… To have you be in peace…
She, Daidouji Tomoyo, lead singer for the Kirei na Azure band, has started to swell and break apart to new heights of well known human emotions with a song everyone in the crowd stood mesmerized at, even a group of her school friends and fan club that usually accompanied screaming atop their lungs all her interpretations.
Yet her lighting blue stare was not really engaging them. Her perfect porcelaine face might be directed at the front, but with a second of consideration anyone might have known since the beginning that this song had a special dedication implicite in its lyrics, in its music. For she had said before starting it, in a simplicity that hinted at its special meaning:
“This is a song that nobody’s heard before… at least outside rehearsals”.
With an equally simple gesture she sat at the piano and her long quicksilver fingers worked up a conjure with its keys.
Only I, amid, all these people have noticed this. That she’s playing with an earnestness and urgency as if t was her first time. That there’s someone in the crowd who hasn’t broken for one moment eye contact with her goddess figure and seems to be in much more knowledge of what Daidouji-san’s doing.
That someone, of course, is me. Me, who from a few days back has started to see, smell, hear, feel things in a different light.
Me, a well known high school cheerleader and less recognized but a competent mage. Me, who has slowly realized that the dreams of so long that I’ve ignored were the ones that were actually right. Me, who the Fates named Kinomoto Sakura. Me, who still is at awe with these things just mentioned.
Yes, you heard right. I DID have dreams about this discovery, after all, Yume’s powers make those who come in contact with it have visions that, even if at times they borderline with sheer fantasy, also are predictions…
… Or hidden truths as I now like to say.
And True Love Waits…In haunted attics…
I also like to express my agreement on that… Tomoyo-chan.
I never break eye contact as I think these many things. Too many objects that hint at who I’ve been have resurfaced while helping Touya move, they have reminded me at what I really wanted, yearned. Some may be fragile at touch, yet they’re so beautiful,…
… like you, Tomoyo-chan. They, YOU, are the true link to who I am now and who I can be.
… Just, don’t leave… don’t leave…
One hand of mine is clasped close to my heart. The other, holds this itsy bitsy card, inside a modest leather handbag at my left.
Hopefully, my message will get to you. For, since the recent events, -
… I’m not living…
------------------------
parenthesis 2 : The End Of The Music Of Yore…
… I’m just killing time…
Since when?
A glance here and there to the audience.
Since when?
Nothing, no one, so far.
Since when?
Though I musn’t distract myself too much.
Since when?
The piano. The crowd. The song.
They’re priorities right now.
Since when?
I know she’s there. Witnessing, yet not hearing.
Or is she?
Since when?
Since the sweat started making its slow yet sure way across her pale forehead she feels she’s lost focus on the people tonight here, on the exceptional performance her bandmates are conjuring as well, and even on the bartender’s small niece who’s right by the side of the stage ready with a bottle of water and a much needed towel.
Her eyes close. She must concentrate now.
Yet her heart starts taking over, replacing her real world sight with forelorn dreams, iron-shackled illusions- a child with honey-tinted hair walking past her, a bunny head shaped eraser smiling up towards her from her own hand, a needle working with love-woven threads the fabric of her dream, her dream fighting against a giant teddy bear, her dream on a winged staff, herself flying with her, her dream with true angel wings, her dream changing…
Blooming! Blooming into an athletic, popular, charismatic, kind- beautiful! Beautiful young girl. A girl that could well be reasonable as also thick-headed, a girl who could hold her own as also depend on others if needed, a girl who could do the stuff of the dreams of many and did not regard herself as superior to others.
… Your tiny hands…
She knew that her own hands were longer, softer than that young girl’s could ever be, yet the touch of them in a handshake, a handhold, a slight fleeting caress, was all she required to satisfy the appetites of her fantasies. To feed the dream.
Feed the dream on dreams. She begins to sing her heart out. Voicing her longings, picturing her surroundings, Yuto, Tsuwabuki, Fukuy, the crowd, her friends, her dream, through the harmonious echoes of music and singing. For a moment she opens her eyes again, the shimmering stormy blue pale a bit under the intense white stage lights, part of which is the climax of her passionate performance, part in surprise…
For the flooding of longing laced images became suddenly overwhelming.
She could feel it. Her lips burning. Her eyes burning.
… Your crazy kiss and smile…
Her body and soul on fire. She was being held by her dream, amidst the cloudy shrouding of dreams. Her mind was reeling, to extinguish that fire.
She was now crying. Crying on the shoulder of her dream.
- I love you.
- What?
- I love you, and please forgive me by not noticing our to-be fulfilled dream.
- But… but you’re a dream! Just that!
- Just that? I want to be more than that. Whatever you want, NEED, to live, smile, laugh… be all you can be.
- You’ve- you’ve always been a dream to me. A dream with many dreamers, all breathing, eating, working to reach you… and I just took retreat to sigh my soul out away from your sight. I’m-
- Nothing compared to those fighting knights? Don’t you think it’s up to me to decide to whom I give my heart to?
It’s blurring unexpectedly. Two warm arms of a river spill down the white rubble face.
… Just… Don’t leave… Don’t leave…
I murmur in a crackling voice.
… Don’t leave… Don’t leave…
She holds me even closer. She now sings to lead me back to the real world, to her longings and aspirations, to appease me.
To make me smile and open my tear-filled eyes toward her persona. For there in the silent yet profoundly moved crowd, her dream stands, holding out for her to see a light pink card with a star emblem, and her Eden-Garden eyes rain light and water of pure love.
Sakura-chan…
Tomoyo-chan…
The final strike of the alabaster fingers to the ivory and ebony keys. The performance has ended.
With a swiftness she didn’t know herself capable of, Daidouji Tomoyo leaves the stage. Despite her efforts, her legs cannot match the furious pounding of her principle.
Sakura-chan…
Tomoyo-chan…
She runs and almost crashes into her. Kinomoto Sakura. They embrace. Both in tears yet smiling.
Sakura.
Tomoyo.
The waiting has stopped.
The dream and the dreamer have finally merged in the real world.
---------------
Author’s Notes:
Whew! That was a tough fanfic to write! But I’m glad I finished. About the songs, they’re listed in order of appearance:
1.- “True Love Waits”, written and performed by the British band Radiohead.
2.- “Love’s A Bitch (Tell me since when did this begin to hurt…)”, a translation of “Amores Perros (Dime Cuándo Comenzó el Dolor)”, written and performed by the Mexican artist Ely Guerra.
3.- “I’ve Been So Happy With You”, a translation of “He Sido Tan Feliz Contigo”, written and performed by the Spanish artist Alejandro Sanz.
In the final chapters I use the first and last songs above mentioned. If interested in a complete translation of the lyrics for the Spanish songs, please e-mail me. >^_^