May 15, 2014

I am often filled with the very powerful urge to delete this blog and start a new one. My mindset is so far off where it was when I started this blog and I feel as thought I am not the same girl who used to spill her thoughts into this text box and put so much feeling into every sentence. However there was a time when I was that girl and those words meant something to me and even if I can not relate to her an inch, that’s okay. Because she moved on and I am exceptionally proud of her. I do definitely still write a lot, mostly in my journal. I feel as though it’s better that way. I’m not sure that anyone really wants to hear every single thought that roams the crevices of my mind, but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to blow the dust off over here from time to time. Maybe it’s time to share some updates.

Let me start with one of the major events of my life, I am into the second semester of my college course. The same college I wanted to go to during my high school period. I have a very vivid memory of sitting with the school counsellor in year eleven and being told that I needed to be more ‘realistic.’ I find that that is the problem with a lot of people. Everything has to be thought of in a ‘realistic’ sense. If I had taken this mans advice, I would not be where I am, so for my stubborn nature, I am thankful. I turn twenty this year. I certainly don’t feel twenty. I remember there being a time where my goal in life was to finish high school and I turn twenty this year. Perhaps I should start setting more goals. I’m more sure if I would consider myself ‘recovered.’ Maybe I am. There are definitely days that don’t feel as such, however I find that I am stronger in many ways and I am overall very satisfied with how much I have learnt in life. I stumble upon people these days who act a certain way and I wonder why there are the way they are and I realise that it is all meant to be. Maybe they haven’t been through what I have just as I haven’t been through what my neighbour has but each life is different and each has light and some don’t ever allow themselves the growth to flick the switch, which is an immense shame but that is how it is meant to be. All I know is that these days, I’m glowing. And that is perfect for me.