How can we talk to kids?

How many of us have (albeit inadvertently) asked a child, "What are you going to be when you grow up"? Admittedly, I have caught myself doing this.

It's a bizarre way of making small-talk with a child, isn't it?
"Having fun in the sandbox? That's a cool sandcastle... so tell me, kid, what is your ultimate goal in life?" This isn't an easy question for anyone to answer, let alone a 5-year-old.

To me, this question reinforces the way our system is put together - which is designed to mold children into consumers, so they will be instrumental in our economic growth. At the same time, it is a question that can help us understand what drives our kids, what they are passionate about, what their dreams are...

How can we talk with kids, encourage them to explore who they are, and get them excited about who they will become, without asking such a weighty question? How can we allow them to expand their imaginations, and let them know they are taken seriously at the same time? How can we differentiate things like a purpose in life, as opposed to a career, in a way that children can focus on and hopefully achieve their passions?

Jul 10 2013:
Lizz, i have been working on this question for last 8 months. We have been working to develop an education network for kids who are out of school. They are more than 7 million which are out of school. When we engaged these kids and try to communicate our values to them, we found different patterns. For example, A for apple may be the best start to teach a kid (4 years) whose mother language is not English, it took us more time to convince the kid to memorize A for Apple. But when we involved them in Activity Based Coaching (ABC) model we found better timings to learn. Now we dont only teach them A for Apple, we give them Apple. They learn how to find an apple in market, how to select healthy apple, how to wash it before eating, listen to the story of Apple Boy who discovered why apple fell on ground, and dispose the waste of eaten apple in a dustbin. This whole activity took 1 hour and 10 kids never forgot the procedure to eat an apple. They learned more quickly and easily.
In this way, i feel talking to kids should be more than mere a talk and may involves more of activity. You provide them different sets of activities to select. Their selection will talk to you about their interest rather asking them direct question.

Jul 15 2013:
Regis, i would suggest you to record this video and post it for others and you can always keep it for other toddlers you may have in near future :).
We are developing A-Z activities you can help us by teaching it your kids and showing the world so that other teachers and parents can benefit out of it.

Jul 15 2013:
Thanks LIZ, your words are encouraging for me.
i have recently posted an idea of Universal Network of Education on TEd. You can learn about my vision from there and can help us by suggesting your idea of educating kids as your profile says you are passionate about kids education.

Jul 16 2013:
It is very nice to get an idea of what you are working on.
I think that your method of interacting with kids is absolutely convincing. Because by teaching them things associated to a simple apple, you are actually help them to develop the ability to think perspectively and making connections between different issues which appear to be very useful for problem solving and generating new ideas.
Additionally, it can also help to introduce global issues to the future generations through simple every day objects. That is truly amazing I really hope to join you one day.

Jun 27 2013:
That's awesome Lizanne. It's been fascinating and helpful to me to understand how my kids engage with the world. It's allowed me to walk Jake's line fine line with a little more conviction.

There have been many suggestions here and the basis of them all it seems to me is listening. The willingness to listen with the ears of your heart to young people gives them the belief that they are worthy and respected.

This provides them the ability to feel trusted and develop a deep level of self confidence. Could be the basis of a revolution based on self esteem.

I believe the importance of self-esteem is underestimated. Embracing emotion, learning respect through self-exploration, putting empathy into practice and genuine communication are essential tools for our children, and ourselves.
I believe also, that we have the power to change our minds, but that kids have the power to change the world.

Jun 28 2013:
Me too Lizanne.. I do believe that our young people have the opportunity to shift a lot of the craziness that we've created. They have the energy, passion, and creativity to make some big and important things happen.

Part of the challenge is that when us as adults struggle with our own self esteem, and when we're overly focused on our own survival/thrival we don't give our kids the empathy and listening they need...and the cycle of low self esteem perpetuates.

Having mentors/elders/coaches who are solid and able to put their needs aside and respond to others (empathy) is super important.

Jun 28 2013:
I am also thrilled that more teens and parents are considering alternative options that include "finding your passion" or "discovering how to give the gift that I am on this planet to give."

With this, I am super fascinated to see how it plays out, as saying that and doing that are really different.

I feel lucky that I get to spend time helping teenagers build the skills they're going go need to navigate these waters

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I so agree - my children are a product of my genes, and my husbands genes, but they are very much their own individual selves. It is my job as a mother to help them along and gradually move away from me, with the strength and confidence to be independent. It's the paradox of parenting, and the beauty of it at the same time.

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

Jun 25 2013:
My parents never asked me what I wanted to be when I was growing up, and I am incredibly thankful for it!

Instead, they did their best to encourage every interest I had. I went to science and history camps, dug for fossils, and worked with my school's science club to save acres of rainforest from deforestation. I had a microscope, for which my mother graciously pricked her finger (many, many times) to let me look at her blood cells with. I also played as a forward on my high school soccer team, and had an active social life. There was never extracurricular overload for me, or any pressure to choose something to do with myself when I grew up.

As an adult, I'm doing work that I absolutely love and have 2 children (3 and 5 years old) of my own. I am definitely trying to follow my parents' example in this area.

Jun 27 2013:
Hi Madeline,
thanks so much for your story - I was raised similarly. In fact, I told my parents the other day how grateful I am to them, for giving me the gift of solitude. They allowed me so much time to myself, to explore and discover, that I still consider the possibilities endless!

Jun 25 2013:
Simple answer, empathy. Put yourself in the place of that child and try to see the world through their eyes. Imagine yourself in their world in their body at that moment. It works for adults too.

Jul 6 2013:
Mary, this is golden!!! Straight from source! Thank you!!!
I loved how Logan said that question is posed with the intention of finding out how kids can make a living, not how to make a life.

And, just right this minute, I finished listening to a talk by a Hawaiin singer and activist.
And you will not believe this, BUT, she talks about the time when she was little, and her mom used to ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up.

Her answer brought the audience to laughter......at the end of the video, she sings and plays the instrument on stage.

(btw, I found this tedx maui video while watching the one you linked us to on "forget what you know", which was really wonderful.....that young autistic boy is so incredible to listen to, lots of food for thought. Thanks for that Lizanne!!)

Jul 12 2013:
Thank you Mary M.! There are so many wonderful people in this world, and only a few who have the innate talent to create a warm sense of community, a cohesion, that is crucial for growth......The world needs a lot more of you in it.

Jun 28 2013:
In a another post I said my father taught me nothing, that's not exactly true...

I was lucky as I always regarded him as personal tutor, and that was always the impression given. Taught me the marvels of the oceans, the vastness of the land, the bounty of nature, the mechanics of celestial bodies in the sky, the beauty that surrounds us all. Always willing to show and encourage me to explore brave new worlds, of both sciences and the arts, while showing me the abundance of opportunity that exists for me. Always there to help me with my homework. Always there to just make me laugh and just let me be the child.

But I'll tell you, it wasn't all sugar coated, I was told about the mean side of life too, it shocked me, it made we aware of the dangers out there, to know and be told that is vitally important to for a child. That knowledge served me well. There were explanations, always showing me the right way.

As I grew up, again, always there to show me alternative points of view, and not to be judgmental. No matter what people's lifestyle was, I learned it was a matter of choice, and to respect others choices. Always there to entertain me, always there to cheer me up when I was down, always there to inspire me when I was up. Always there when ever I was in need, no matter what time of day, though those difficult years.

I look back now and i remember how big and broad... or maybe it seems just seems that way as I was small, viewing the world with a child's eyes. From big and broad, to much thinner today, maybe that's old age, maybe that's because I've grown up, maybe it's both.

It's funny how old age tricks the mind, as you realize, that the same stories told years ago are still recanted to you verbatim today, but even though I know them and remember them well, sometimes I indulge, and show my respects for all that was done for me. So I just listen and remember the past.

Who is he?

He is my father. He is your father. He is the father of children today. He is tv.

Jun 28 2013:
Wow Tify, yes, you are so right, tv is everybody's father......and yes, even though we have, for example, seen a program many times, we will sit and watch it again......like old re-runs of our favorite show growing up.

This is a good lesson that when our real parents repeat the same story for the upteenth time, we should listen and indulge them........and also when our children repeat a story do the same.

We need a conversation on "How do you talk/listen to your parents"........Lizanne (wink wink....hint hint)

Jun 29 2013:
I was talking about this Mary with some people, and read the comment I wrote, to some of them and maybe you too, it feels like a real gut punch at the last line. Others mentioned in the conversation after they got over the wow! of it had two alternative viewpoints, those being; (not including yours)

That maybe what's really sad is that your father is not taking up the role.

The other camp saw it as well look at all the benefits that the child is getting.

Surprisingly some even went as far as saying that, in some circumstances they could see it as a better father, as certain very negatives aspects of human personality are not forcibly inflicted on the child, and therefore the child is safer.

I must agree, I certainly can see the reasoning in that argument, and it really does hold water as a safer possibly viable alternative to anger frustration and abuse of of "real" person.

Strangely, and as an adjunct, I also was watching something else recently, that now seems to clearly show the younger generation are more comfortable with machines and communicating through/with them, than in a direct person to person setting.

I am surprised that you answered Mary, I'm not surprised it got no likes, I really did get this feeling when reading this out loud two days ago to a group, the same initial response was there in that it's one aspect of the question that Lizanne posed that really no-none whats to admit. A dark dirty secret of sorts.

I get the feeling that a nicely worded platitude would have gone a long way in reaching many more ears, which to me, for many reasons, is a damn shame.

Jun 30 2013:
Waxing grandiloquence is ok.....but sometimes, as in your case, speaking truth from your heart is just as moving and poignant.

I have no problems interacting with people who are honest in their communication.
Don't be surprised if I answer you when you speak truth and your words resonate with me.

And Tify, I really feel you speak alot of truth, and you have quite a bit of insight into alot of social issues.

And yes, even though I am not accustomed to speaking in such terms, it is a d____ shame that people do not realize the truth of your words........but, perhaps you may look at it this way------maybe, just maybe, they have nothing to add to your already honest contribution.

Jun 30 2013:
I honestly admit Mary, it's honestly what I feel, and I did wax lyrical, and I deliberately wrote that last line leaving it to the last word.

I wanted it to be a gut wrenching thing, something to think about, because all you have to do is look at advertising now .. the hammer over the head, as people dont react, think, get emotional, unless you do something like this, and because of the experience below I had with these kids below, and my own childhood, I can't sit by and say nothing.

I have to at least try and make people think about it, not because it's an idea worth sharing, but because children are subject to our whims, fancies, idea's, frustrations and pain. And if we are going to ever make any progress, WE have to know and understand that we are the cause, and we are the cure.

It's the same feeling when you see a kid on death row, who's mother was psychotic and on medication, and by another who took advantage and impregnated her. You know that people want the fix, ie the death penalty, but dont want to see and understand the cause. And until we put the effort in to get to that place, killing the victim of brutal circumstance, is no way forward.

I apologize if I go on, but when you've seen the rewards in these kids eyes, hearts and minds, as I said below, even if it's only for two weeks, you wonder when will society as a whole get over the hump of the way it isolates and alienates so many children, who are unwitting victims themselves.

Comment deleted

Jul 4 2013:
Hi Jaden, your comment is very enlightening.......thank you for clarifying the Chinese version of the word spiritual........so spiritual is linked to the pursuit of happiness?

I guess I also ask myself the same question....how did it get to this point?

I think that would make a wonderful title for the Conversation, don't you think?

"How did it get to this point?"........

I will submit the conversation tomorrow.

The emails I sent you, I sent you through your TED profile.
I just clicked "Send Jaden an email", in the right corner of your profile.
You should have received two emails from TED that read: Mary M sent you a message.

What I sent you was a reply to a question you asked in another conversation.
Not a big deal.

Comment deleted

Jul 5 2013:
Thank you for further clarification of spiritual. It is very helpful.

As far as the pursuit of happiness.......it is a kind of mirage isn't it?

Pursuit....meaning chase after....not necessarily obtain it.....no guarantee.....But, you are free to chase it.....you will have the liberty to chase it......

Happiness to me is something you can feel, inside, it does not come from external forces. Kind of like a joyful feeling that is always inside you, and reflects in your countenance.
Also, there is contentment, satisfaction with your NOW moment in life.

Happy if you are single, happy if you are married.
Happy if you are with friends, happy if you are alone.
Happy if you live in the city, happy if you live in the country side.

It is a state of being for me.

At least now Jaden, in this stage of my life.
I am not looking for anyone or anything to make me happy.

I am happy by myself. I do not chase things, or people to make me happy.
I do not need to make more money to make me happy.
I don't need an ipad, iphone, ipod.....I have I............I am the most important posession I have.........so I am happy.

Do you understand?

That is how I feel now.
Because my life experience has brought me to this realization, and truth.
My truth, based on my life journey.

I think many immigrants do not understand declaration of independence.
I think they view "America = guaranteed happiness".....some get very discouraged at all the hard work one must be willing to do to succeed.

Arnab Dutta and Krisztian Pinter wrote some definitions in a conversation a while ago that shed light on different view of governments from different countries.

Perhaps you will enjoy reading this lighthearted list of governments and their definition.

Jun 30 2013:
WOW.
Tify, your comment is extremely powerful, and says so much about why society is the way it is today.
I agree with Mary, and also say "Thank you for not keeping your thoughts and insights to yourself."

This is so vital!!! Television and media is the thing that is destroying communication, in my opinion. It is warping too many minds, minds that are not strong enough to realize what is truth and what isn't. You clearly had the strength to see the difference, but there are too many who are influenced to the point of forgetting their own beliefs. That is a dangerous development. As long as the TV is as powerful at it is, society will suffer.

A lady I stayed with Europe ran a creche, 8 kids aged from 8-12, from 4pm to 6pm, to be safe until their parents collected them. Fair enough. I saw they were put in front of the tv, again understandable. 2 weeks I played a educational game with them 1/2 of them made a lego castle, the other 1/2 had toy/miniature metal cars. When the first group made the their building, the others took the cars and tried to ram the building to collapse it. Great fun, removing their frustrations. As the days went by, the kids (who swapped roles often) learned, and learned well, basic engineering principles of how to build better buildings. Sadly for all of us, when I left, we cried, not because I was leaving, it's as if all knew, it would be back to the old ways - the moment I was out of the door.

I realized at that moment, we too often we don't look to ourselves, and what actions we take, day in and day out, that can drive the very child into isolation.

Maybe we don't want to know the issue, we just want a resolution, or some platitude. To see that I need only look to America. School shootings are an example of this, school after school was exposed to these shootings. The "solution" was to put in metal detectors. For a while it worked, but the underlying isolation issue(s) were never addressed. People were genuinely surprised / shocked that then a cinema became the outlet. The response - beef up security.

It seems inevitable they will continue, until WE really put the time & effort in to TALK and LISTEN to kids, & stop driving them away by our actions.

How many nanny cases have there been? So now we cctv nannies. How many ask - if you have to go to those lengths is it worth putting your child at risk?

The 1993 film "A perfect world" shows many other aspects. I recommend it.

Isn't the original question “What are you going to be when you grow up?” - just another platitude - that again too often spoken in a non-serious tone.

Jun 30 2013:
You know, I have also seen kids who have been sitting quietly in front of a tv set, come alive and jump for joy when an adult actually becomes aware of their presence, and engages them in a hands-on activity.

The tv is a poor substitute for human interaction.

Thank you for this reflection.There are many fields today where society looks for quick fixes without looking at the "ROOT" of the problem.......it is the path of least resistance.

It is everywhere.....in my opinion, we need to individually be aware of this tendency.

When my son was very young , we stayed in Saudi Arabia, he came back to India 4 months ahead of me and when i joined him, he was having lots of trouble adjusting to the new environment,also this was his first exposure to school. My heart bled and i was disturbed to see him like that.

I came up with a plan to play role reversal with him.

My kid will be my father and will answer my querries.

Like i donot want to go to school today what should i do? I am afraid of certain teacher what should i do? I do not always like the food served to me and so on.

Through his answers i could peep in to his heart and brain and will come to know what he needs from me and how can i help him. Prabably it also spurred his thought process and he started finding solutions for himself. Very soon he became a happy child as before. Now he is a bright medical student and in a few years he wiil practice medicine. I am happy.

Jun 25 2013:
Instead of asking what the kids want to be when they grow up, we should ask them if we can grow down and party with them as kids. Childhood is a cherished period of life not only for the kids but for the parents too because it is a rare oppertunity for the parents to participate in a process of observing a better, fuller and wiser human being coming to shape in front of us.
I did my best to relive a second life with my son, learning creyon painting, bayblade running, playing angry birds (so many techniques, you know), reading comics, then when he was in teens discussing girls, drinking beer without telling his mom, fishing (I entirely learnt it, no previous skills). Now that he is eighteen and he keeps his mobile conversations to himself - I wonder what I want to be when I am a kid again.
Edit: I have yet not given up. I am revising differential equations from my son's books now and discovered that for second order equations I had some grey area that I can brush up now.

Jun 25 2013:
Well said Pabitra...I LOVE it....ask them if we can grow down and party with them!!! Did you by any chance see the comment in which I provided the link with an article in "Maturity Magazine" about my play group? The article is titled..."Play with kids your own age". We're not really sure why we were featured in that magazine, because we're not sure if we are "mature" yet! LOL

FYI -
There seems to be a certain time when they start keeping information to themselves (teens), and now that my "children" are in their 40s, I am getting some of that information! LOL:>)

Jun 25 2013:
I must have missed it Colleen. Will you please give me the link?
It is silly to call people of age mature :) I am not going to be mature ever. A week ago, I had a round of kite flying and my neck and arm were sore from the exertion. I tried to explain to Sumana, in between scoldings, why it is so important to fly a kite at 51 :D
It's a relief to know that I can make up on lost information sometime later and thank you for sharing this piece of info.

Jun 25 2013:
Pabitra,
Here is the link to the article. You have to scroll down a bit because more articles have been added.
The Silver Spokes article appeared in 'Vermont Maturity" and also in the "Observer".

Right now, my parents are visiting from the states. My kids are seeing first-hand that I am also someone's kid, and they adore it! My dad will still tickle me, which makes them just giggle to pieces.
The other day, I almost peed myself when we all put on our baggy clothes and stuffed them with blankets, cushions, plush toys... then we rolled around on the floor and bumped into each other.
That was definitely some growing-down time!!!

Jun 25 2013:
Lizanne, I read a joke last week: Child: Dad, where do babies come from. Dad: Total shock and silance. Child: Its ok Dad if you don't know the answer just say so.

As parents we agreed to answer all question in the most honest means possable. We did not set out to destroy Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny ... but a serious question should be delt with in the same manner .. serious. It is easier to use a correct medical term than to start the cutsie name game ... this does not mean to be blunt and uncaring ...

It is my opinion that the kids have enough friends ... they need parents that are honest and can be trusted. When one of the children comes to talk ... stop what you are doing and look at them and reply as best you can.

Kids do not come with a operations manual. Do the best we can and supply them with love, respect, and honesty.

Jun 25 2013:
Good one Robert!
That reminds me of a story with my daughter when she was about 2-3 years old! She was playing in the yard with her friend, when she came running in the house asking.....mom.....where did I come from?

I always tried to answer their questions with age appropriate honestly. As I was pondering how to simply and honestly explain the reproductive system, she got impatient with me and said.....mom.....my friend is from Burlington.....where did I come from? She wanted the name of a town/city.....not the reproductive story!!! LOL:>)

When my kids started asking me 'THE' question, I pulled out Lennart Nillson's 'Miracle of Birth' DVD. We got (age-appropriate) books from the library, I told them all about how they were born, the weeks before, the days before, the minutes before... and look at them now!

You mentioned Santa and the Easter Bunny. My daughter has wiggly teeth, so we're getting frequent visits from the Tooth Fairy these days. She told me, that a friend in her class told her that the Tooth Fairy isn't real, and that Mama and Papa take the tooth away. She asked me, if that is true? So, I asked her, "What do you think?", knowing I was throwing the ball in her court. She grinned from ear to ear, and said "No! The Tooth Fairy IS real!"

Jun 24 2013:
Encourage them to play!
I'm reading a new book titled, "Free To Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self Relient, And Better Students for Life" by Peter Gray. I highly recommend it.
This will also help us all reconnect to a part of our life the that we great overlook.

Play more and reconnect with the child inside you. Other children will like you better.

For some reason, society seems to determine that becoming an adult means neglecting the child we once were, when in reality, we still ARE that child. I agree, if we are in touch with that child, we will be able to communicate better not only with children, but with each other.

I can't wait to hear more about this book, if you'd like to share any insights!

Jun 24 2013:
I first became interested in the topic of play after hearing the TEDTalk by Stuart Brown
A pioneer in research on play, Dr. Stuart Brown says humor, games, roughhousing, flirtation and fantasy are more than just fun. Plenty of play in childhood makes for happy, smart adults -- and keeping it up can make us smarter at any age.http://www.ted.com/talks/stuart_brown_says_play_is_more_than_fun_it_s_vital.html

His research started with criminals where he found that they suffered from a lack of, you guessed it, PLAY, in their upbringing. So we have some idea of what the deficiencies ends up looking like.

Gray's book has some 46 items listed in the index related to "play."

He write, The drive to play is a huge part of a children's natural means for self-education, so a portion of this book is about the power of play." And adds that for the past half century or more we have seen an erosion of children's freedom to play.

Jun 26 2013:
This is truly fascinating, Theodore! Thanks for these links - this whole train of thought is very much in tune with how I personally feel, and particularly as a Mom.

I recently stumbled across this book, called 'A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder' by Eric Abrahamson and David H Freedman:http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2007/mar/24/society
Kids' lives tend to be cluttered, unorganized, even chaotic - they are still learning organizational skills. How many times I try color-code the toy bins, the doll clothes are still always thrown in together with the Legos, and my kids can still always find what they need. What's more, they will invent new ways to combine their toys to create new games.
Yet another exploration in how adults can learn from kids... perhaps?

Jul 21 2013:
A woman I know is an incredible parent of two children who are now 18 and 12. From the moment she knew she was pregnant, she studied all the books and decided which ideas made sense. What she did, essentially (and does still), was give her child total respect and her full attention when they interact. It is a full time job. She and her husband home-schooled both of them until her daughter entered a public high school in the 9th grade. You can imagine how concerned her parents were, school memories being not so good for either parent, but she did well, was on the Varsity basketball team, and had a super time. To my knowledge, the siblings never fight; they have been allowed to explore their interests, but not required to continue if they lose interest. In other words, they were given love, respect, attention and time to learn who they are at a very early age, and they are amazing. I want my friend to start a parenting school as part of the Planned Parenthood program.

Jul 22 2013:
seems all good up until ... "Planned Parenthood program", and the zeal of Sanger regarding negative eugenics, it's goal to change humanity by stopping reproduction of those considered unfit. Or that Sanger said the white race was superior to blacks when speaking at KKK meetings.

Then on the other hand I've never seen the need for such organizations, as there are alternatives, but America does love politicizing things, and having lobbyists for all and sundry.

Regarding the kids in the above paragraph, one thing does seem missing.... Drive.

Jul 22 2013:
Out of curiosity, Tify, why do you think drive is missing from Stephanie's story? When I read it, I really don't see a lack of it at all, but I may be interpreting it differently. People who home-school their children are, to me, very driven indeed (I know many personally)! Just curious!

Jul 22 2013:
I don't understand the "what's the difference" question. Anything that is available for low income parents is always available to upper income parents as well. The final question is just silly :)

Also, with respect to "drive" -- I am not sure who would do the driving, nor where one would drive them. They excel at anything they do -- chess, music, photography, art -- and they are happy, joyful, loving kids. The recent graduate is going to junior college for photography classes -- that is her passion -- as well as taking the basics before moving on to a university for the last two years.

Jul 22 2013:
Stephanie, this is wonderful! Parenting is absolutely a full-time job, and as many agree, a very under-estimated vocation!
There are so many people who research and read and attend classes about how to raise their children. These things are there for a reason - and not just in the States! There is an abundance of parenting courses where I live, which are often fully booked. There are many parents, myself included, who wish to be the very best parent possible, for the sake of my children, and if there is something I need to learn, by golly, I want to learn it!

Jul 17 2013:
Kids should be treated as kids, not simply small adults. Shower unconditional love on them. Give them an allowance, and help them learn about saving and budgeting. Have them help you with doing small housework so they can be with you and learn about life.

Jul 18 2013:
John, superb thoughts.
Your comment about small housework reminded me of something that happened yesterday. My daughter, who is almost 7, asked me yesterday if she could wash the dishes. I was thrilled! When I was growing up, washing the dishes was a precious time with either my Dad, or my Mom, or a Grandmother, when we would talk or sing, or just be silent, in any way, together.

Jul 10 2013:
just talk normal. Treat them like just another human, as equals. Ask questions about what they are doing, how they like stuff. Show interest. Everybody loves that. Sometimes it helps to get down to their level, sit on the floor or kneel down so your eyes are on their level. Have fun!

Jul 7 2013:
After reading all the comments, I come to some conclusion, that being that the comments here are personalizations and somewhat of a middle class mindset.

One has to wonder are people narrow minded - Or is it that people can only really see their own position and not others - Or are they just projecting it (the question) to what it means to just - their children.

And if so, what does that really and honestly mean for the millions of children who are in poverty, labor, and or in other dire circumstances around the world.

Or does their far and distant voice not matter.. as no-one speaks for them, and no-one sees them.

Will they ever achieve their passions? - Or do you write that kind of thinking off as a child of poverty.

Are those very dreams your child has, and you have for your child - a luxury not afforded to, and far out of reach of these children of another land.

Are we not all children of this planet? Are we not all parents of the children of the world? Is our very future not predicated on theirs...

As Lizanne poses - "children are the future"... I pose "who's children?"...

While you think about that and see the urls below, I'd urge you to think... there, but for the place I was born, go I.

Jul 7 2013:
Tify, I cannot speak for everyone, but may I share something with you?

Millions of individuals are working worldwide to help improve the way of life of many.
Educating them. Instructing them in many diverse fields, to help them become loving parents, loving wives, loving husbands, responsible citizens. To improve literacy, and hygiene, and other social issues.

I personally am part of a global educational work seven million plus strong.

Through study of the Bible, I have come to know that the world will change for the better in the not too distant future. In the meantime, I, as well as those who belong to my faith, work locally to change one person at a time.

TED has made me realize that there are many many individuals who share this desire for a better world.

There are billions of individuals living worldwide. Many of the changes that need to occur, need to come from within the individual......corruption has to be eliminated........from government mainly......and then there has to be a trickle down effect.

Please know that amidst all of the terrible things you see, and I see, and we all see, there are millions of individuals working for a change, and praying for a change.

The question is..........will we live to see it?

My sincere desire is that the answer will be a resounding YES!!

(Did you ever see the link Lizanne gave of the fill-har-monic on vimeo?)

Jul 8 2013:
Of course you can share Mary, it's always a pleasure to listen. But sometimes we respectful disagree.

Which is the exact reason I mentioned those 'unseen' children. To open people's eyes, and as Linzanne says that dreams, and opportunity are up for grabs in the 'western world', and that has been the view point of most comments here.

As for praying for change, I nave never believed in it, change is inherently up to us. Small decisions effect change, one such example would be NOT to upgrade to the newest iphone, as the minerals, metals, and other elements needed have major social and medical implications to the very children people people pray for. Seems to me that one has a very simple choice, weather one's brave enough to stand by the courage of one convictions is another. Which is somewhat ironical as someone was crucified for actually doing that.

As I mentioned before we, of which I am a part do provide free education and training to over 500,000 people across the world. But unfortunately that's not enough. The plight of the Philippines, and many other countries, debt repayment which is forced by the IMF, the banks, keeps places suppressed, with little or no education, medical nor social services. And the children suffer. How much is this debt, less than the cost of a fighter jet. The reason I say this is too often the facts are mismanaged, where one puts it down to corruption*, and does not realize that half of all the money in used for interest on debt.

I find it laudable that you hope the answer will be yes, I dont believe that to be the case.

Not unless we can all see that everyone's child, every person irrespective of where they are born deserves and should be afforded equal opportunity. The reason for this post.

*corruption: Like the IMF giving a loan to the Philippine government, to build infrastructure projects, like a nuclear power plant, which was designed and built by GE, on a major earth quake fault lines, many years ago. Still inoperative.

A bigger thing, would be that, Shell, Dictators, Misters et al...responsible for state assets who use them illegally, like in that Ted talk, are simply jailed, the funds repatriated, and Shell etc left out in the cold, 1/2 billion dollars down the hole.

If that were to happen, then the poverty and the lost dreams of those children, would soon come back, and the efforts -we- make, would then add significant value to the future of those kids.

The way it goes now, Shell, nor HSBC are not seen to be guilty, ie they keep the assets illegally gained.

Thats the bigger thats needs to happen to really start to make a difference in the lives of children in the (developing countries - who am i kidding being politically correct) - 3rd world.

Jul 7 2013:
This is such an important point, Tify. Your comment reminds me that dreaming of what we can achieve as kids, suggests that dreams are pretty much up for grabs in the wealthy parts of the world. Opportunity is everywhere, chances are plenty when you're lucky enough to be born in certain places...

Whether we will live to see the fundamental change, that promises the same chances and opportunities to all children, around the globe, I don't know. But you know, the chances and opportunities children have in the poorer regions of the world may be just as challenging and their achievements are just as worthy of celebration. But the chances for children to 'just' be children may be the greatest challenge they face.

Jul 8 2013:
I'm really glad you see it as an important point, I felt like it was an issues that was / is being completely overlooked. And I can't be one of those people who say, I'm alright, so to hell with the rest.

For as long as we continue to do that, we will always have children who are slaves.

Jul 4 2013:
My fiance is spending the day at a children's charity today. He was terrified! Children 'freak him out' because he doesn't know how to talk to him. I just received a text message and picture that one of the kids drew for him - he is having an absolute blast! Before he left this morning I told him to 'just be'... Don't put your expectations or ideas onto kids, let them tell you how they feel and what they think. I think it was Picasso who said that the hardest thing an adult can do is to think like a child - but when we do, it is fantastic!