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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I should probably filter what I say here, but when I'm craving some delicious cake, nothing matches the taste of an ashtray full of cigarette butts:

Mmmm.

Say, if the decorator got rid of just one of those smokes, would the cake then be a cigarette lighter? {{groan}}

Can't bear the thought of chomping on butts? Then why not chew on this mouth-watering tobacco can instead?

Or if that bear is too ferocious for ya, we can always replace it with a cute little donkey:

(See, the bear's head is the donkey ears, and the front leg is his head. See it? He's just reaching down to enjoy some delicious wintergreen grass. Eh? Right? Who's with me, here?)

Moving on...

Look, guys, just because her name is Ashley doesn't mean this is necessary:

(Maybe it was a gift from her friends CHARlie, TARa, and PIPEr.)

Plus, why a cigarette cake when Ashley has never even had a cigarette before?At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?

NOTE FROM JEN: Who is Number1? She's my new Jen-clone. Yep. She's just like me, only smarter, cuter, and gosh darn it, a wee bit funnier. I've strong-armed her into doing a few guest posts from time to time, so y'all be nice to "the new Jen" while she gets her feet wet around here. (After that, though, she's fair game. Mwahahahah!)

Way to go, Number 1! And, Jen, you've trained her well - she did you proud. The puns (oh, so punny!) and yes, I see the donkey, and groans... it's a second Jen! Yey!!!! Who'd have thought the world would be so lucky?!!!

These are just... gross. Yes, I am an adult using the adjective gross to explain cakes. Especially that first one.Can you really picture someone saying, "ok, who wants ashes and who wants butts"?Blech.

CAKE WRECKS FANS WARNING: Viewing the ill-conceived expressions of cigarette smoking and chaw in cake form may lead to inappropriate feelings of nausea, queasiness, a sickly green pallor on one’s face, and the possible avoidance of eating cake ever again.

Well, it's not necessarily illegal for Ashley to have smoked before, depending on where she lives.

From the text we can assume that it is an English-speaking country, and in the UK it is still not illegal to buy or smoke cigarettes if you're under 18. It is only illegal for resellers to sell cigarettes to minors.

Absolutely an unimportant nitpick, I just thought it was an interesting legal distinction.

Great first post, New!Jen (and by 'great', I mean 'ewww', which in a wrecker's world means 'awesome'). The puns were right up there with Actual!Jen's. :D

Per the wreckage... I can count on one hand the number of wrecks I've seen here that have really made me think "there is no way I could possibly eat that" (I don't have a particularly strong stomach, but darn it, even weird- or gross-looking cake is cake!)... but that first one certainly makes the list. Augh!!!

I would never be able to eat that first one. I would taste nothing but old nasty cigarette. Ugh...it's making me sick just thinking about it! Gross!! And who in their right minds thinks it's ok to get a cigarette cake for an 18-year-old?!?!

@Zabinatrix-- That was interesting, actually, because it's the kind of thing you usually only learn by hanging out in another country for a while. That said, I am not a teenager, and I'm not planning to start smoking. But still...

so. unappetizing. How much do you have to love smoking to have it celbrated in cake?? disgusting! I can taste the ash now just looking at that first one. And why does chewing tobacco come in a wintergreen flavor? is this to help mask the nasty tobacco breath? what's next, tobacco stained teeth? a tar filled lunged?

G-ross!

wv: bodie. These nasty tobacco habits do not bodie well for the health of your bodie. (two uses!)

Ok, these wrecks really remind me of a cake made by a coworker about a decade ago. It was a beautiful cake that had nothing to do with smoking or cigarettes or tobacco of any kind, except that my coworker was a chain-smoker.

The beautiful cake she made TASTED like smoke. Poor beautiful cake suffered just because it was crafted in a smoker's home.

The first cake brought me back to the nastiest taste I'd ever had- my mother used mostly empty coke cans for ash trays in the car. I got in the car after school one day, and went to reach for a cold, frosty....eugh. Ash 'n' butt soda. I agree that black or nearly-black fondant is cake fail.

There has been so many times I have said that cake is so pretty I couldn't eat it - or that cake is so mis-formed/deformed I couldn't eat it. Well these are just soooo disgusting that I definitely could not/would not eat them!

First I thought those butts on cake #1 were real. Then I clicked to enlarge and saw that they were fondant. Then I realized it didn't even matter if they were real or not-- eating that cake would be impossible either way.

I am one who can overlook a multitude of sins if they have icing on top. But not this. I could not bring a bite of cake to my mouth if it made me think of (retch) cigarettes.

Liz in Seattle

VW: turpi. Definition: the sound I made when trying not to vomit in my mouth while viewing tobacco cakes

Most of these wrecks are wrecks in concept, not execution. The only cake that is also badly executed is #3. #1 appears to be well made, but it looks way too much like an ashtray for me to ever want to eat it. The wreckerators who made these, except for #3, did a good job fulfilling some wacky customer orders. If only they could have persuaded the customer to let them make something else.

I have never wanted to run away from a cake, like NEVER, but these cakes make me want to take a "cake break". They are so gross. I can look past the well done this, or that. You should never look at a cake and not want some of it, that should be illegal!

OH, oh, oh....those are just the sickest cakes I've ever seen, especially the first and the Turkish ones. I don't even think I could taste them blindfolded. I just ordered my lunch but I think my appetite might be taking a quick holiday....

Why is ASHley's cigarette in the ashtray upside down? See, the lipstick end is in the ashtray, and the smoked end is sticking out. Having a fail on a cake that is that wrecky already is just redundant.

That first cake was so realistically done that it doesn't seem like it should be called a wreck. HOWEVER, it's so disgusting that it's the most wrecktastic disturbing cake posted here. I don't think I could eat one bite of that. Yuck-O.

actually I though that all the cakes with the exception of the donkey and the squashed cigarette of ASHley were avery nicely executed.

If you want to write "WHY?" to a cake I would have to go with the archived (please don't ask me where) cake featuring the naked woman in white chocolate seductively draped over a cake with bondage dark chocolate girls decorating the sides. That to me was a much more disgusting and unappetizing.

As someone else mentioned, the Turkish one says "smoking shortens life" or "to smoke is to shorten life" so I guess it is some kind of anti-smoking cake? Maybe you are supposed to buy it for a chain smoking relative.

The Turkish cake so reminded me of when I lived in Istanbul and the warnings on the cigarette boxes just made me laugh because they are sooo blatant. My favorite one translated simply as "Cigarettes KILL YOU."

My husband, upon seeing the ashtray wreck ... "EWWWW. Who's gonna eat THAT?" I have to agree, yick. Even if you're a die hard smoker, I couldn't get past the mind-tastebud connection that tells me "I know it isn't REALLY ash, but I taste ash."

WV: Slowbet - It's one hell of a slowbet that I'll touch that ashtray cake with a 10 foot pole.

This was the first time on this site that I ever felt compelled to shield the computer screen from my 6 year old daughter. DISGUSTING. Sometimes, no matter how well executed or crafted, a wreck is a wreck, because it just shouldn't exist. Bleh!

I've been an addict to this site for months now, but I have to say, these tobacco cakes are actually the first cakes I seriously would never eat. They are DISGUSTING, especially that first one. EWEWWWWWWWWWWW. I just lost my appetite for the rest of my life.

Um.. Jen, about the comment you said about the Ashly cake.In some states it is legal for someone under the age of 18 to smoke cigarette, but not buy them. Buying cigarettes under the age of 18 is illegal.

Actually some places you only have to be seventeen to legally smoke, but eighteen to buy the smokes. It's a cruel work isn't it? lol, I'm not a smoker and don't think I could even eat that butt cake at the beginning! All I would taste in my mouth would be ash...

I don't know if I can agree with these being cake wrecks...well, the second Grizzly one, maybe. But these seem to reflect the poor taste of whoever commissoned them, since almost all of these are really, really well done. Particularly the first Grizzly cake. So, come on, cut the decorators a break...unless, of course, this was featured in the bakery's design book as an option.

Alright, the birthday cake dedicated to Ashley is not quite what you think...

The "cigarette" sitting in the ash tray is a joint and the pack of menthols are there also to show that this is, in fact, a cake for a pot smoker. A lot of pot smokers smoke menthols because it's "cooling" on your throat because pot is so harsh.

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