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You see, I never knew my wife was an Episcopalian. She never told me. Then again, I never asked.

Not that it matters, mind you. Religious conviction is not a passionate topic for me.

What do I know anyway? I'm a lapsed Protestant, a fallen Congregationalist. I have no idea how low that is on the ecclesiastical scale, but I'll bet it's close to nadir.

I'm sure all this is offensive to Congregationalists as well, if it's possible to offend them.

(By the way, I really don't think Episcopalians are thieves - although I did know two Episcopal priests who were embezzlers. But it's the same as if I said all Rosicrucians are crooks. I just like the sound of it. I'm not even sure who the Rosicrucians are anyway.)

"You certainly paint with a broad brush," Susan said.

Unrepentantly, I think political correctness is a plot to repress man's basic urge to make fun of others. I'm not quite sure what keeps the world spinning around, but bigotry and scapegoating seem to be part of it.

Events such as tractor-pull competitions, I firmly believe, were invented only so fans of professional wrestling have someone to look down on.

William Bennett and other social architects would like to ban daytime talk shows on the ground that they clutter the culture with their moral debris.

That's nonsense. Talk shows hosts like Jenny Jones and Ricki Lake are popular because the viewers enjoy feeling superior to the on-air participants.

Of course they are freak shows. The parades of human monstrosities that horrified and fascinated medieval villagers provided the same kind of entertainment. Today, it's not acceptable to gawk at physical defects, but it's all right to laugh at the culturally disabled.

Years ago, a passionate debate raged on the floor of the Italian parliament. At issue, whether to allow the American TV show "The Untouchables" to be broadcast on Italian national television. The controversy revolved around all the gangsters with Italian names - Nitti, Capone, Luciano, etc.

A compromise was reached. "The Untouchables" would be permitted - as long as the producers dubbed in Yugoslav names.

Feeling superior is something nearly every citizen of the world can still afford.