Friday, December 30, 2016

The journey of Reena-from a shy village girl to an independent woman.

Reena and I got married 18 years back, ours was an arranged marriage, full of all uncertainties and concerns which any arranged marriage brings along with it. The journey was not an easy ride, we had our ups and downs, went through our own struggle to understand each other and adjust with each other. I learned a lot from her and I am sure she feels the same. I lived most of my life in patriarchal society in India where the status of women was not equal to men, I must also mention that in the USA situation is much better, but still, a lot of work is needed even in the USA so one can imagine the situation in India. I was raised in the environment of male superiority, but fortunately, it had an opposite effect on me, it made me a feminist. I realized the importance of making a woman an equal partner in any relationship. I realized that in modern world women are an equal stakeholder and they need to contribute like that.

Reena lived in a small village in Uttar Pradesh until her sixth grade and then she moved to Varanasi. Varanasi is one of the biggest city of UP, but the situation of women is not that different compared to other parts of UP. Definitely, it is better than many villages, but the difference is not that much. So when we got married, my first task was to make my wife independent of me. She came from the culture where the husband had the status of a demigod- the provider for her needs, the protector of her honor and dignity, the controller of her life and destiny, and what not. I needed to break all these myths, this was not an easy task for me as well as for her. It was confusing for her and very complicated for me. There was no easy way for both of us to maneuver through the maze of cultural mess which arranged marriage and patriarchal culture brought in our lives. When I told her that she is an equal partner in our relationship, which means she has equal rights and has to share an equal responsibility. The second part was more confusing and complicated for her (about the responsibilities). Rights without responsibility is a useless endeavor. But I must say that she responded with a lot of courage and responsibility. She took on this challenge head on after initial hesitation. Initially, she thought her responsibilities are limited to traditional household work which women were expected to perform, this was the way she was raised. But when she realized that her scope of duty involves many tasks which she never thought were women's job, she was little hesitant. There was a struggle, I witnessed that struggle, I refused to help on many occasions, but that was necessary for her to realize her own potential. She overcame many obstacles on her own, with no or very little help. I was just her companion, once she decided to take on this challenge, she did things on her own, she deserves the credit for all her success and failures.

When we moved to the USA, it opened many more new doors for her. She was free from all the social and familial constraints which were present in India. This made her embark on an exciting and rewarding journey. Today, I live with a totally transformed person, she is much more confident and independent person. We both support each other, our relationship is more balanced now compared to what it was at the time of our marriage. She is a very confident person and an independent woman who don't need her husband's support for her survival, and I am glad to see that she can manage her life on her own. She is a pillar of strength and support for me along with rest of my family and friends. We both compliment each other as a husband and wife rather than having a typical husband dominated marital relationship. It is not easy to write about your partner or parents or for that matter any person in just one blog post, but I want my readers to get an idea that it doesn't matter who we are or from where we come, if we decide and get enough support we all can achieve many things which may look impossible.

Reena's journey so far is not only a success story in its own way but also a source of inspiration for me. She still has many more challenges and many more obstacles to cross, but now she can do these things on her own. There are many successful people around us, but we fail to notice them. Normally we only recognize the success or failure based on media reports and very often ignore many inspiring stories of people around us. Many times no one bothers to tell these stories of common people like us. Many times we fail to notice some inspirational struggle or success story happening right in front of our eyes. We ignore just because these people don't become celebrities, they don't end up making millions of dollars. I am fortunate to notice and appreciate many such success stories around me. My family members, friends and colleagues faced many challenges and fought hard to overcome them. For me, all these struggles and triumphs are very inspiring. All these stories along with many others provide me the required self-confidence and optimistic outlook towards life, and Reena's journey is one such story. We all have someone around us who is making progress day by day and if we learn to recognize that struggle and draw inspiration from their struggle, life will be beautiful.

Thanks a lot Vishnu. You are tight, this journey so far was a quite an experience and I am sure it will be as exciting in future also as it was in the past. You and Prateeksha contributed a lot of great moments and we look forward to create many more great memories in future also.

Amazing post Vinay....I follow your blog regularly but may not be able to write my comment every time!. Today I couldn't resist my self but to compliment you on this post. Indeed its a journey which you and Reena will never forget. And we all have our own share of experiences in such journeys. I also have gone through similar experiences though it was little easier for me to make this happen to my wife with in India. And I'm so happy that she stood beside me in all my thick and thins of our life with a complete transformed and independent woman.

Thanks a lot Pankaj for your kind words. Actually, we all have something interesting or inspiring going on around us. Your own life journey is quite inspiring. I learned a lot from our discussions right from our college days and this thing has not yet stopped. Thanks to Facebook that I still get updates about your spectacular achievements. It will be an interesting read if you decide to write about your journey. Thanks again.