Aubrey O’Day

When I watch Famously Single, I find myself rooting for Pauly D and Aubrey O’Day to make it as a couple. Pauly seems like the nicest guy and I would love to see him settle down and get into a serious relationship.

If you follow either of these two on social media, you know that they are all about the PDA and the social media documentation of their relationship. You also might know that Aubrey just recently flew out to the UK to film Celebrity Big Brother – which means that she is probably sequestered and might not be able to communicate with Pauly. So if these rumors are true and Pauly really did break up with Aubrey, is it possible that she doesn’t even know about it?

Famously Singleis chugging right along, like the crazy mess of garbage on fire that it is. Speaking of crazy messes, Aubrey O’Dayis dragging her trapped love interest, Pauly D, to get his tarot cards read by resident bohemian priestess/supermodel, Jessica White. Just in case Pauly thought this might be fun, Aubrey makes sure to let him know if the cards don’t turn up favorable, he’s a dead man. Jessica starts displaying the cards and it turns up that they should have sex. Aubrey gloats but that’s short lived – a queen turns up in the cards and apparently, that means there is another woman in the picture. Pauly is saying he can’t date another jealous woman but sorry, Pauly, you’re already in too deep. Good luck with that.

This week’s Famously Single is all about that low-hanging fruit. This group of Singletons isn’t just dysfunctional, but super lazy when it comes to dating. Instead of learning any useful tools on this mess of a reality show, the cast members would rather just try and hook up with whoever is still ripe for the pickin’ in the house. I don’t know how many days they have actually all been stuck together, but I suppose finding someone in the house left to hook up with is like shooting fish in a barrel. Ready, aim, fire!

Brandi Glanville and Calum Best are still dramatically working through another pointless argument about jealousies over their pseudo-relationship. In case you missed it (or in case your brain exploded from all the nonsense) last week, Brandi is upset that Calum said he would go out on a date with someone from the blind mixer, then backtracked and said he would go out with Brandi instead. She doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice, especially not someone as lame as Calum. OK, I added that last part but you get the idea.

The broken record of broken daters continues on Famously Single and as we start another episode, no one fits into that category better than resident Shallow Hal, Josh Murray (yeah, the guy from The Bachelorette who isn’t even famous enough to have a Wikipedia page).

Josh is flipping through Instagram and complaining to Aubrey O’Day about how women need to measure up to his standards. Aubrey makes a valiant effort to explain to him that what he sees on Instagram is not exactly real, but you can see his beady little fame-seeking eyes glossing over as visions of fake boobies dance in his head.

The next morning, Calum tries to redeem himself from being a complete prick by getting Brandi flowers for her birthday. Jessica White tells Brandi that if she likes him, she will just have to put up with him acting jealous. Brilliant advice from another single who has racked up the frequent failure miles when it comes to relationships.

In case you haven’t heard, not only is it hard to be famous, but it’s hard to be single. Remember guys, I’m using the term “famous” loosely. Either way, this is basically the long and the short of E!’s Famously Single and the show tries really hard to draw the correlation between being a D list celeb and that standing in the way of finding a healthy relationship.

In group therapy, Dr. Darcy Sterling thinks it’s time to talk about sex. Calum Best doesn’t seem to understand the difference between sex and a relationship and Willis McGahee says he doesn’t go into his relationships thinking he’s going to cheat, it just kind of happens. Aubrey O’Day, the enlightened being that she is, says she doesn’t have casual sex because it doesn’t do anything for her spirit. Brandi Glanville admits that she has a recycling bin of men that she can have sex with but it’s not casual, because she knows them. The group is shocked to learn that Pauly D has never made love, but really wants to and would like some tips. I have lots of tips when it comes to this dysfunctional bunch but I suppose that’s not the point of the recap.

Last week, on the premiere of Famously Single, we met the cast of “celebrities”, who are really just a hodge podge of randos desperately clinging to what little notoriety they once had. We were left with the cliffhanger of finding out who their new dating coaches would be and (plot twist!!!) it’s two of the people they met while out boozing it up and misbehaving in some run down VIP section of a club.

SURPRISE! It’s Laurel, who was sexually propositioned by a sloppy drunk Willis McGahee and Robert, who was dismissed by Aubrey O’Day. The dating coaches begin to share their feedback and Robert admits that he found it refreshing that Aubrey could go deep in their conversation but was disappointed that she didn’t think he was good enough for a goodbye. Laurel basically told Willis in the nicest way possible that he is gross. She also had interactions with Calum Best, who she thought was playing for the cameras and Josh Murray, who was downright rude. Dr. Darcy Sterling explains to everyone that Laurel and Robert are here to give the Singletons the nuts and bolts of dating while they go through the process.