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The joy of wellbeing – naturally

wellbeing

According
to some, having been raised an Irish Catholic, I should practically have a PhD
in guilt! Seriously though, seeing the
effect that it has on people’s lives, I do ponder this feeling, and its
consequences, from time to time.

Recently
I’ve been thinking about how strongly it relates to shame. For most of us, this is something that we
learn at a very early age. This means
that it’s acquired during the phase of our lives (0 – approximately 6 years of
age) when we accept things without question, and without the ability to judge
their validity or helpfulness. As a
result, shame is something that is very longstanding, deep rooted and can have
a profound impact on our lives. It is
also – as alluded to in my, slightly flippant, comment above – often embedded
into our culture, helping to perpetuate and strengthen its hold on us.

So,
is it healthy, and does it serve any useful purpose?

If
I can address the second part of that question first, I believe that guilt is
only useful in as much as it alerts us to discomfort. It shows that there is an issue that needs
addressing.

When
we experience discomfort in this way, it indicates that our thoughts are out of
line with our Higher Self’s views on the subject. For example, if I do something that makes me
feel guilty, my inner critic is telling me all those self-shaming thoughts,
such as:

You’re a bad person!

You never get anything right!

You’ve failed again!

What a stupid mistake that was!

In
contrast, our Higher Self never judges us, and certainly would never
address us in less than loving terms.

So,
our discomfort makes us aware that we’re out of alignment. We’re not being true to our Higher Self.

If
we drill deeper, we’ll probably find it’s not just the shaming thoughts that
are off balance, they’re most likely coming from our deeper awareness that we’re
not living as our Best Self – we’ve allowed ourselves to be distracted by other
things.

In
today’s world we’re spoilt for choice on ‘distractions’:

Social media

‘Will we / won’t we’ Brexit?

And, whichever way it goes, what impact will this have on the economy?

Has environmental damage gone beyond repair?

Then,
of course, there’re also the ‘minutiae’ of our everyday lives:

What to have for dinner

Who will get together with whom on Love Island?

What are people thinking of me / of what I said / of how I look?

All
of these things can occupy our thoughts, meaning that we’re not fully
present much of the time.

As
a result, we often act, or make decisions, on a largely subconscious
level. We can end up going through our
days on autopilot, reacting rather than consciously responding to situations,
allowing the nervous, anxious, fearful part of our mind to make our decisions
for us. This can result in things like:

Over eating

Over spending

Not stepping out of our comfort zone – eg trying something new

Avoiding situations that we find challenging – eg meeting new
people

Self sabotage

When
we notice that we’ve made decisions that were unwise, and maybe got us into
trouble, we then feel guilty. This isn’t
‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ – no feelings are, and it’s impossible to turn them off anyway
– it’s what we do with this feeling that’s important.

Do
we get ‘stuck’, listening to, and engaging with those shaming thoughts?

Or
do we explore the feelings and learn from them, seeing what changes we can make
to move closer into alignment with Who We Really Are, in order to live a life
where we make conscious choices that serve us, and that feel authentic
and honest, and where we can be responsible and accountable rather than feeling
guilt and shame?

This
can be challenging, and will require us to look deeply at conditioning that we’ve
carried since childhood. Others have
referred to this as ‘un-domestication’ or ‘rewilding’. It’s a visceral process and requires
deconstruction and reconstruction, but you don’t have to do it alone, and the
rewards feel amazing: self awareness, autonomy and freedom.

I
think that this is the only value of guilt and therefore I don’t feel that it’s
a place where we should spend any more time than absolutely necessary. In fact, to return to the question of ‘is it
healthy?’, generally, beyond the initial recognition and finding the issues to
be addressed, I would say that the answer to this is ‘No’.

On
the contrary, guilt is often very restricting and deeply uncomfortable. It keeps us small and can be very stressful
which, as we know, impacts on our wellbeing.
That inner voice also isn’t content with just criticising our current
choices. If we are prepared to listen, it
has a nasty habit of dragging up every perceived failing and every ‘mistake’ we’ve
ever made. It also projects its beliefs
onto others, telling us that they, too, see us as not good / clever / skilled
enough.

So,
what can we do?

Start
by taking a step back and observe the things that your mind is telling you,
without engaging with them, knowing that they are merely the product of your
conditioning and your natural negative bias.
Don’t try to fight your mind, it’s just doing its job, and it’s not
really open to persuasion anyway!
Observe, without judging, and accept that this is what the mind does –
not just yours, but everyone’s.

You
can then make a conscious decision about whether to go along with what your
mind says, or choose a different option.
You don’t have to push yourself too far out of your comfort zone. Small steps and small challenges will help
you to build your ‘consciousness muscles’ allowing you to stretch and grow.

As
you become more self-aware you will be able to identify the things you
really want in your life, the things that light you up and fill you with
excitement and joy. These are your guide
in creating the fulfilling life that you long for. These are where you discover your ‘purpose’. You aren’t here for the ‘should’s, ‘have
to’s or ‘ought to’s. You’re
here to Be Who You Really Are and to let that light shine out. You’re here to experience and grow and en-joy
the journey.

Clarifying
some misconceptions about the work that I do

Often,
when people hear what I do, I get asked this question, but for me it’s not so
much about whispering, it’s about listening.

Another
misconception is that I offer Equine Facilitated Therapy. This isn’t strictly true either, at least not
in the traditional sense.

So,
I thought that it might be a good idea to explain a little more about my work,
or at least a part of it. In this post,
I’m going to look at one of my favourite aspects – where the horses and people
come together.

My
aim is that this should be a mutually beneficial experience, that is,
that both the horses and the people should be supported by their time
together.

I
often see animals used in therapy or assistance roles and I wonder what, if
anything, they get from this. Sometimes
they have a particular role to play, a ‘job’ if you will, for example a guide
dog, and they provide a much-valued service, but when do they get
something back? Guide dogs, I know, are
well looked after and they’re given regular health checks, but their role can
be stressful at times.

Things
are shifting and there are many programmes out there now that are seeking to
come from a more heart-centred and animal-led perspective. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all assistance
and therapy animals were given more support in their roles? This could be offered in the form of massages,
Reiki and self-selection sessions, for example, just like we might take a ‘spa-day’
if we’ve had a tough few weeks at work.

I
used to volunteer with a group who gave horse riding lessons for people with
disabilities. This offered many benefits
to the riders, but the horses were often stressed, which came out in ‘unwanted’
behaviours. Some of these horses had to
be retired as they were no longer suitable for the role. I struggled with this and wanted to find a
different approach, one where both parties felt better after their sessions.

So here at Equenergy I’m exploring a different way.

If
you’ve been following my posts, you’ll know that we have 2 horses living
here. Both have had challenging
experiences in the past. Dakota (Dax)
was taken from his mother at 1 month of age and left to starve. When he was rescued, he was riddled with worms
and had to have extensive veterinary support.
Thankfully he is now a very healthy 8-year-old, however his tough start
in life has left him with some emotional issues.

‘Rika
was a brood mare for many years. She was
used for breeding and all of her foals were taken from her to be sold on. When she didn’t conceive after being put with
a stallion, they decided that she was no longer of any use and put her out for
the meat wagon. She is the most
beautiful, gentle soul you could ever hope to meet, but she was considered ‘worthless’
if she couldn’t produce any more foals.

‘Rika (left) and Dakota (Dax)

These
2 beautiful animals support me in my work, and I want this to be something that
benefits them too and supports them in becoming happier and healthier
individuals.

I
believe that for anyone to offer a therapeutic space for another, they should have
the space and opportunity to have that support for themselves. As a therapist and coach myself, I need to
have worked – and be continuing to work – on my own issues in order to be able
to hold a healing space for others. I
think this is also true for animals who are involved in this field.

All
of us are still ‘works in progress’ and there is much to be gained by
travelling the healing path together. Take, for example, the programmes in
America where offenders are paired with rescued dogs or horses and together
they learn how to create a healthier, more balanced life for themselves.

I’d
love to see more opportunities for mutual learning, creation and growth of
this kind. We might not have the perfect
answers yet, but with time and an open, curious mindset, hopefully we will find
a way to walk alongside our animals in ways where they benefit from the
partnership as much as we do.

I
recently wrote about ‘rewilding’, and I believe strongly that our animals have
much to teach us on this subject, too.
But in order for them to be able to do so more fully and authentically,
they must be allowed to be as ‘wild’ as possible themselves. I know that this is a real challenge, on even
a small scale, with the resources that most of us have available, but I think
that the more we can give healthy freedom to the animals in our care, even when
it challenges us, the more we can learn and grow.

So
how do I bring people and horses together?

A
session with the horses here at Equenergy means that you get to stand just
outside the field and start by getting grounded and tuning in to the energy of
the place and all the living things around you.
Horses are naturally curious animals so often they soon come over to
meet with us and may spend some time in this shared space.

I
encourage people to be ‘mindful’, that is, to be fully aware of their
surroundings: the sun, breeze or even rain on their skin, the sounds, sights
and smells around them. This helps us to
get present, and when we’re fully present it helps us to release anxieties and
tensions as these generally relate to memories from the past or worries about the
future.

When
we can be in this ‘present’ state and hold that energy / vibration, it
encourages those around us to enter this same state. It’s rather like a tuning fork that causes
other things to resonate with the same frequency. Calming our breathing and our heart rate, through
getting present, supports others to do the same. It’s a phenomenon known as ‘entrainment’ and you can read more about it in the work of
the HeartMath
Institute and
Dr
Ellen Kaye Gehrke. Horses are particularly
sensitive to this, so when we can enter this state in their presence, it
supports their wellbeing as well as our own.
Not only that, but their electromagnetic field is much larger and
stronger than ours, so when they enter into this state it strengthens the
energy for us – this creates a wonderful healing circle with the energy flowing
in and around and bringing benefit to all within the space.

Another
aspect of this for the person / people in the session is that I ask them to
observe and take note of any feelings and thoughts that are coming up for
them. I might also ask them to see what
they can feel from the horses: can they get a sense of their energy? Do they
pick up anything when they tune in to either / both of them? These are things that we can then explore if
they would like to work further with me, using a tailored wellbeing package,
looking at any issues they wish to address, or objectives that they would like
to achieve.

If
this is something that would interest you, or you’d like to have a taster
session with the horses to see if it resonates with you, I’m happy to have a
no-obligation chat. Just give me a call
or drop me a line:

…and what, if anything, does it have to do with me?

According
to Rewilding Britain:

Rewilding is the large-scale restoration of ecosystems where nature can take care of itself. It seeks to reinstate natural processes and, where appropriate, missing species – allowing them to shape the landscape and the habitats within.

To
me, though, rewilding can take place on a smaller scale too. I think that we can look at our own lives and
see how we can add a bit of ‘wild’ in order to have greater balance and
wellbeing.

In
fact, this is something that I have been exploring for a while and it’s part of
the reason why I was so keen to move to a more rural location.

When
we started house hunting last year I was just thinking of a house, with a paddock
for the horses, situated in a more rural location, but the more properties we
saw, the more excited and inspired I became about the possibilities that were opening
up to us, both personally and for my practice.

Finding
this place was like a dream come true!
We first visited on a glorious summer evening and as we viewed the woods
and fields and felt the energy of this place, we both fell in love and could
picture ourselves living in this magical space.

In
many ways, it’s the perfect location – when you’re here, you feel far removed
from the hustle and bustle that characterises most people’s daily lives, and yet
we’re within easy reach of the town of Abergavenny.

There
is a great sense of stillness and peace here, and everywhere you look there is
the green of trees, bushes and grasses.

At
this time of year we also have many wonderful flowers in bloom.

The
sounds are wonderful too:

the stream gurgling
over stones

breezes blowing through
the branches of the trees

birds singing

insects buzzing…

There’s
also a wide variety of wildlife.
Obviously there are lots of birds, including many common species such as
robins, blackbirds, bluetits and wagtails.
We have birds of prey too, such as owls and buzzards, and some summer
visitors such as swallows, but also the less common pied flycatcher.

Our
mammal neighbours include rabbits, squirrels, voles, mice, and shrews, and I’ve
also seen a couple of lizards.

This
Wednesday we have a guy coming from the Gwent Wildlife Trust to do a survey of
the land and give us tips on how to work with all the species that we
have here, to do our best to maintain and support this little eco-system. I’m very excited to find out more!

To
me, the joy – and challenge – of living here is to find ways to live in harmony
with this place and its diversity of life.
I want to find a balance where we can all enjoy this wonderful space –
humans, plants and animals.

I believe that there are many benefits to
reconnecting with Nature in this way.
Research has shown that spending time outdoors helps us to let go of
stress, find our inner balance and recharge our batteries (This
is your brain on Nature).

Rewilding doesn’t always come easily for us
though. We are so used to our ‘creature
comforts’ and having whatever we want right there at our fingertips. We live in a society that seems to be built
on – and value – speed: fast food, broadband speeds and instant
messaging. We say that ‘time is money’,
and we tend to prefer things that will get us what we want in the shortest time
– eg travel, delivery services and searching the internet for information.

But this ‘need for speed’ comes at a
price. It is exhausting! And it’s addictive. Once we’re hooked, it can be difficult to slow
our pace again, to reconnect with ourselves, to take the time to listen to our bodies
and to give ourselves the nurturing and support that we need.

Often, we have lost sight of the fact that we,
as humans, are just a part of the picture.
We are simply one thread of the rich tapestry of Nature. We need the other threads in order to
create a rich, colourful, dynamic and sustainable world.

I believe that when we are connected, conscious
and aware of this, we can live in balance, harmony and respect with all Life.

Here in our little cottage, we’ve had other
beings come to share our space. Sometimes
this can make us uncomfortable – we don’t want the spiders, ants, mice, wasps,
flies or whatever in our homes!

But I tend to look at it another way…

this is their space as
much as it is ours

their kind has been
living here much longer than I have

they too just want to
live out their lives, and do their thing, whatever that might be – they’re not ‘invading
my space’ and it’s not personal!

That’s not to say that I want all
these creatures sharing my home – and in an ideal world they would often be
better off being back outside – so I then try to explore why they have been
drawn inside. What am I doing that is
making my home attractive to them? For
example, am I leaving food available for them?

On a larger scale, there are often
complaints about the rat population of cities, or seagulls stealing food from
people in coastal towns, but I think that we need to look at our own
responsibilities too, such as the amount of food that goes to waste and is
dumped outside in containers that are not animal-proof. This both supports the current population – and
its growth – and attracts more individuals to the area.

So, for me, part of rewilding is to look
at my responsibilities as a part of this eco-system:

How do I become aware and conscious of my actions and how they
affect the other threads of this tapestry?

How do I minimise my impact while also supporting the local
flora and fauna?

Doing this, I believe, will support me in my
balance and wellbeing. After all, how
can I be fully well if I live in an environment which is out of balance?

If this is something that is of interest to you
too, or you’d just like to have a taste of the healing power of Nature, then
take a look at my day retreat which is taking place next Saturday here at
Equenergy: Wellbeing Naturally. If you’d
like to know more about the day, or you’d like to book a place, please click on
the link below:

I’ve
been doing a lot of thinking about perspective this week – by which I mean the way
we look at things.

The
perspective that we take has such a huge impact on the experiences that we have!

I
used to be someone who was always waiting for the bad things to happen. For a variety of reasons, I had learnt that
Life was difficult, rarely went to plan, and was often against me. I just ‘knew’ that good things couldn’t last
and that sooner or later – probably sooner – there would be another big problem
to face. I was anxious, worried and
operating in stress mode.

I’m
still a work in progress on this, and a deeply ingrained perspective can take
time to shift, but overall there is a lot more ‘sunshine’ in my life now.

Moving
to our new site here in Wales has really tested me on this! It’s been a huge shift, leaving the city
suburbs and moving to a rural smallholding.
Nothing seems to function in the same way! Cities have such a solid infrastructure:
services and utilities generally flow smoothly to and from one’s home, and you
rarely have to think much about it. Here
we’ve struggled with internet connection and our water is from a spring so we’ve
had to sort out an alternative for the horses as their pond and stream have
dried up. The house still has good water
at the moment, but if we have a spell of dry weather, will this continue? Will we be able to wash ourselves, our
clothes, our dishes?

We
now have to manage our own supplies of gas and oil as these have to be
delivered, where previously our heating and cooking facilities were constantly
available at the flick of a switch. The
septic tank, too, requires attention.

All
of these things are easily done, it just takes some getting used to, and can be
a source of those little niggles – Will I notice when the gas cylinder / oil
tank is running low? Will I order in time
to avoid running out? Will I be able to
do this at a time when the price is good?
Will the septic tank block up / overflow… and if it does, what will I
do?

I’m
sure that in time the management of these things will become the new ‘norm’ but
for now it’s still new and a little out of our comfort zone.

It’s
good, though, to challenge ourselves. It’s
only through challenges that we can learn and grow. If things stay the same all the time, there
is no incentive or motivation to push ourselves and we can end up stagnating.

In
the past, I craved ‘safety’. I didn’t
really feel ‘comfortable’, but still I had a kind of comfort zone in the
routines that I’d built up, as these gave me a sense of having enough control
to be able to cope. And yet there was
the constant worry that things would go wrong and the knowing, somewhere deep
inside, that I didn’t really have control and things could suddenly shift away
from where I felt safe.

Over
time, I came to see that the more I tried to hold rigidly to my ‘structured
life’, the more I felt overwhelmed. The
more I tried to control things, the less control I actually had. I also began to see how unhappy I was and how
my wellbeing was suffering.

Having
spent a lot of time pondering on this – in my head and heart, and through
keeping a personal journal – I began to see that the only thing I could
control was my perspective, my choice of lens through which to view the world
and the experiences that came my way.

I’ve
been very fortunate, too, and I can testify that the old saying is true:

When
we open ourselves to new learning, when we set the intention that we’re ready
to grow and ready to take on the challenges that this brings, then something
shifts and we will see opportunities where we might not have noticed them
before, or someone will come into our lives and challenge, guide or inspire us
in some way.

The
thing with stepping out of our comfort zone is that it is… well… uncomfortable! If we’re not prepared for this then we can
end up rushing back to where we feel safe.
This is why people ‘fall off the wagon’ and return to old behaviours.

But
if we acknowledge that there will be challenges, and we address these
constructively, then we’re much more likely to succeed in making the changes we’re
aiming for.

So,
how can we address the challenges constructively? Some suggestions would be:

To consider what
triggers the behaviour you want to change – knowing this allows you to put
plans in place for when you face these situations

Accepting that there
will be times when you feel triggered and that this will result in you feeling
uncomfortable

Being ok with
discomfort

It can be a great
teacher, helping us to look at our needs and find supportive ways in which to
meet these

Trusting that it won’t
last forever and that it’s just your body adjusting to the new way

That it is a short-term
thing that will lead to a happier, healthier you

Knowing that it helps
to build greater self-knowledge, resilience and emotional intelligence

Having a list of things
to do when feeling triggered

How can you support
yourself to stick to your commitment in making this change?

For example

do something active,
such as going for a walk in Nature

Talk to a good and
supportive friend

Journal

Read things that
encourage and inspire you

As
I said, I’m still a work in progress with all of this. My mindset and thinking have changed greatly,
and I now view the world in a much more positive light. I believe that the Universe is a supportive
place and that Life is bringing me so many wonderful experiences and encounters
that are helping me to step ever more fully into Who I Really Am.

However,
I’ve noticed that my body is still holding tensions that come from my old way
of thinking.

Whereas
before I might have worried about this and listened to lots of critical
self-talk, I am now able to view it as an opportunity to address another layer
in my personal growth and development.

This
is where I am now grateful for my earlier challenges and discomfort, as facing
myself and exploring those less pleasant feelings and those aspects of my
personality that I’m not so proud of, is not as daunting as it would once have
been.

Also,
I know that if I can help myself to release this tension, it will bring many
benefits!

Thankfully
I now have a wide range of tools to draw on, and also a number of great
colleagues that I can ask for help as necessary.

But
one thing that I was pondering on as I poo picked in the fields the other day –
a great time for reflection, I’ve noticed! – is that the things that help me to
let go of tension, anxiety and worry are amusement and delight.

So,
the task I’ve set for myself is to:

Notice when and where I’m
holding tension

Accept that this is how
I’m feeling – without adding to it by beating myself up about it, or worrying
about it

Commit to finding ways
to support myself and to release the tension

Look for ways that I can
bring more amusement and delight into my life, on the small scale as well as
the bigger scale

Some
of my joy recently has come from:

So, in moving here I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, but it has brought realisation that:

I was feeling stifled in the city

Structure can be good, but it can also become rigid, inflexible and constricting

New experiences can be stimulating and inspiring

Challenges can help you discover hidden strengths and skills

New adventures can be fun

Overcoming problems can bring such a sense of achievement and learning

Living closer to nature is teaching me so much about myself, and inspiring me to greater care for the planet

Meeting new people and making new friends is wonderful

There is so much more to me than I had dared to believe!

So I highly recommend getting out of your comfort zone (even just in little ways to start with), pushing your boundaries, trying new adventures and exploring some new perspectives. You might be surprised at what you find!

As #mentalhealthawarenessweek2019 draws to a close, I thought I would take this opportunity to reshare a blog that I wrote a while ago on why I think we should exercise the ‘3 C’s around #PositiveThinking :

– Caution

– Care

– Conscious consideration

Sometimes I think that the trend for advocating Positive Thinking has got a little out of balance, where people are pushing themselves to feel happy all the time and then feeling that they’ve failed when they fall short of this impossible expectation.

Our lives seem to be full of contradictions! On the one hand we’re bombarded by news that is often negative and full of doom and gloom, while on the other we’re encouraged to be positive, smile and avoid negative thoughts for the sake of our health.

So what’s the answer?!

Well, first of all let’s look at why positive thinking can bring great benefits. The cycle goes like this:

The thoughts that we think create the perspective from which we look at things. This influences the filters through which we interpret the world around us. This determines our experiences, which help to form our beliefs about that world. Our beliefs are what our thoughts are based upon, and so the cycle continues…

Obviously if we think positive thoughts, and can carry this on round the cycle, then we will be happier than if we are plagued by negative thoughts, however…

As this last post of Stress Awareness Month, I thought I’d look at the wisdom that we hold within ourselves.

Our bodies know how to be well, it’s just that often we have disconnected from that wisdom. If we can find a way to reconnect and re-member that wisdom (as Neale Donald Walsch might say) then we can rediscover our balance and wellbeing.

Every
cell of our being holds a blueprint of how it is designed to function and what
it needs in order to operate most effectively.
When we can tune in to this and be fully open to allowing it, then the
body will naturally find its way back to this pattern.

However,
due to stress and the traumas that we experience in our lives (both ‘Big T’ and
‘little t’ traumas – and remember that these are very subjective and don’t always
‘make sense’ to our analytical minds) we can find ourselves not fully able to
trust this process and allow our bodies to find the balance they were designed
for.

We
might have learnt patterns of behaviour which, originally, were put in place to
help us feel safe, but over time they have become stifling and restrictive,
actually stopping us from growing and becoming the happy, healthy, creative
being we were designed to be.

The rules and expectations of our society can also seem to place restrictions and demands on us, limiting our choices or shaping us into a particular role, which might not actually be where our Spirit would choose to be.

So
what can you do? How can you get back to
the wellbeing and ‘flow’ that you were made for?

I
believe that we can do this through reconnecting to Nature – both the Nature
all around us, and to our own true Nature, in all its forms and colours.

A wonderful and wise woman once shared a song with me that had a great impact on how I saw myself and the life I was living. Sadly, it was many years ago and I long ago lost the recording and don’t have a copy of the exact lyrics, but it was about how looking at the sunset reminds us that our life is supposed to contain all the colours. We weren’t designed for a bland, monochrome existence, but for one that is full of bright, vivid colour. This encompasses all the emotions, both the ‘safe’ and ‘acceptable’ ones, and also the ‘scary’ and ‘ugly’ ones. We need to embrace them all and learn how to be a good steward of them, so that they don’t end up controlling us on some subconscious level.

I
also think that it is very important to pay attention to the messages that we
give ourselves, both through our words, and our body language.

Often,
we think that our body language comes from our feelings – and it does. But it can also work the other way round.

Our posture is part of a bio-feedback loop.

When our spine is straight and our shoulders down and back (comfortably, not forced) then our lungs have space and we can breathe more freely. Also, our heart centre is open.

When we slump, the opposite is true, and this is telling the body that we are not at our best in some way. It can encourage feelings of tiredness, anxiety and stress.

Think
of the way that many of us spend our days: slumped in front of a computer
screen, or the TV, or staring at our mobile phone…

How
much is this contributing to our stress levels?

This
is why it’s so beneficial to take a break, stand up, move around, pay attention
to your posture and breath, and if possible, spend some time outdoors in
natural light.

So,
if you’re in a situation currently where you’re experiencing stress, anxiety,
chronic fatigue or dis-ease, then hang in there. You can still make the journey back to health
and wellbeing. As Anthony William, the
Medical Medium, says:

“It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been sick. You can heal. Always remember that and never forget it.”

The last couple of weeks have felt pretty tough here at Equenergy. This is my first year of being a horse carer, having welcomed Dax back in May last year, and Rika in October when we moved to Wales and got our own land. It has been a steep learning curve!

About a week ago, on Friday, we had the first snow of the season and, obviously, the first since our move. Suddenly I was having to feed the horses much more hay, as they were unable to access any grass. We were already running a little low, and had arranged an order for the Sunday anyway, but it quickly became clear that there probably wouldn’t be enough to get us through the remaining day, night and morning before we picked up more supplies.

I went through uncomfortable feelings of guilt at not being better prepared and getting into a situation where the horses might suffer because of my lack of foresight…

This came on top of me already feeling rather low, mostly due to exhaustion, which was the result of a combination of factors:

the short days which never seem to have enough daylight to get everything done

the relentless-seeming round of daily poo picking; often in wind, rain, mud and semi-darkness at this time of year

juggling appointments, working on the house, business stuff (such as updating my website, networking, etc) and caring for the animals

still not having any proper internet, phone or TV connection

the time it takes to get things done because of the above challenges.

As you might have spotted, reading the above list, another drain on my energy has been the high level of expectation that I place on myself!

At times I’ve felt rather alone and vulnerable, and it was at one of these moments that I received some comments on a post that I’d made on Facebook. From the perspective of this low point they hit a nerve and felt like criticism. I was tempted to hide away and feel sorry for myself, but instead I decided it would be more productive to take a step back and look at the situation with a more objective view.

Doing this I quickly realised that the comments were far from being critical. They were actually just someone who cared deeply about an issue, expressing their thoughts. However their message threw a spotlight on a need in me that I hadn’t been addressing (old insecurities about how people see me and being ‘good enough’), which was bringing up old hurts and leaving me experiencing emotional discomfort. I could see that this provided a great opportunity for me to work on this inner pain in order to release it, taking a further step in setting myself free from the things that hold and restrict me. I explored the sensations I was experiencing and used them to identify where I needed to change my thoughts to be more supportive.

There are a variety of ways that we can do this kind of exploration:

journaling

mindfulness

meditation

talking with a friend or a professional coach / therapist

I personally used EFT (emotional freedom techniques, or ‘tapping’) as this helps to reduce painful emotions, meaning that I could look at things with greater clarity

I’ve had to remind myself, too, that change is often painful, as it pushes us out of our comfort zone. This is true, even when we were the ones who decided to make the change. Even when we know in our heads what to expect, the raw reality, and the unknown duration of the discomfort, can make it hard to keep going, and to keep trusting that we’ve made the right choices. This is especially true when we’re feeling tired, alone or unsupported.

Often when we’re feeling low, our inner critic goes into overdrive. I had to remind myself that this part of me is just trying to keep me safe, but in actual fact it’s made up of thoughts and beliefs that are untrue, or at least greatly exaggerated, and viewed from a negative bias. But I am able to choose my thoughts and beliefs, which in turn impacts on my perceptions, emotions, behaviours and the outcomes I experience. If I choose to focus on more positive, uplifting, optimistic thoughts, then I will experience more supportive, hopeful feelings, leading to behaviours which are more likely to produce the outcomes that I desire.

Sometimes we can get stuck in a negative cycle, particularly when we’re feeling run down, which is why it’s so important to take care of ourselves, doing our best to get quality rest, eat healthily, spend time outdoors in the fresh air and engage in exercise that we enjoy. It’s also important to reach out for help when we need it. Things can feel too big to face alone, but with another pair of hands / eyes, suddenly they seem much more manageable. Also, we are social creatures. We need to feel connected. When this is missing from our lives, the world can feel like a very big, scary and lonely place. Even if you feel that no-one can help, it’s still worth reaching out, as even doing something as simple as meeting a friend for a cup of coffee can bring a bit of brightness to your day and make things seem much less bleak.

Taking action in this way has also helped me to remember the many ‘highs’ of our new life here in Wales, and having horses with us. It’s so lovely to be able to spend time with them, either connecting through activities, or just being in their presence and feeling their calming, grounding energy. I’ve been seeing some subtle changes in Dax, where he seems to be processing things and being less reactive. He can tend to show some fear aggression, reverting to inappropriate behaviours – such as biting and pushing – when he feels anxious, but having started some clicker play with him, I’ve seen how he’s using his brain to find other ways to approach situations. Doing this in a safe environment seems to be giving him confidence in other areas of his life as well. Occasionally he seems to take a backwards step, but Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it can take time to change habits that have been held for long periods of time so I just need to remain patient and keep remembering all the good things in him so that he can see these too and step into them more fully.

Another ‘high’ is that Rika is opening up more and more each day. When she first arrived here, everything was so new for her. She’d been taken away from her people, her herd and the environment that was familiar to her. It has taken her a while to find her feet but she now regularly approaches us to say Hello, or for a cuddle or a scratch. She’s such a gentle and graceful creature that it’s a joy to spend this time with her!

I’m also deeply grateful for this amazing space all around us. The landscape is so beautiful and the light changes almost in every moment! We are surrounded by birdsong from early morning to well into the evening and it’s magical to watch the onward march of the seasons.

If you are experiencing painful emotions that feel like they’re taking over your life, and you’d like to explore some constructive ways to address the underlying issues so that you can reconnect with your balance, joy and wellbeing, then please get in touch for a no obligation chat.

PS For those of you wondering about the horses and their hay: I rang our lovely hay man, Gwyn, on the Friday and he happily gave us a couple of bales the next day which easily got us through to Sunday when we collected our order. This reminded me again that worry is unproductive and that when I reach out, help is there, supporting me through the ‘dramas’ of my life and showing me that, in fact, all is well in the end 🙂