"Bullet With Butterfly Wings"

"Billy's Baseball Report"

The Lyrics

True Item: Billy Corgan, lead singer and creative force behind seminal alternative rock band Smashing Pumpkins, was hired by Chicago radio station WXRT-FM in the summer of 2004 to provide analysis of Chicago Cubs baseball games twice a week.This song is the transcript of one of his reports following a particularly upsetting Cubs game loss.

I feel for the umpireTime to trainPitchers and catchers, the team is so lameRun round the field, knees are strainedUnhappy sports fans feel misery and shameSo should they all go forfeit the game and blow?Or act cool and spit out a gob?

They're still in the stage like they just walked in the batting cageIt's such a crime, they can't even get past second baseThey're still in the stage like they just walked in the batting cage

We can't fake it, the players are so dismalAnd I can't take it, yet another game blown!And what do we want? A world pennant!But what have we got?A sheer accident!"The teams skills, you knowHave some room to grow,"Says the Manager (who needs a new job!)

They're still at the stage like they just walked in the batting cageI've seen better plays from a corpse that was dug from a grave!They're still at the stage like they just walked in the batting cage

I am not the only oneWho isn't having any funPlease don't blame it on the sunOur team isn't Number 1But they sure play like Number 2!

They're still at the stage like they just walk in the batting cageCome on, can't you guys even make a homerun save?

Copyright 2004, Agrimorfee. Note: I know that this song does not accurately reflect the game playing of the Chicago Cubs. I usually steer clear of Sports parodies, simply because of their topicality and regionalism, but I strove to write this as a universal rant about bad baseball playing. Hope you enjoyed it! (Holy Cow! GO CUBS GO!)

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Pacing:

4.8

How Funny:

4.8

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4.8

Total Votes:

12

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User Comments

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(Sports) I thought this was clever but i had one issue with the pacing that i was guilty of myself when i tried to parody this song. Job in the original lyrics refers to the biblical character whose name rhymes with lobe, not lob. So the line replacing it should ideally rhyme with the previous three lines. 455

Oh, I see. You want to do a universal rant about bad baseball, and you choose the Cubs, eh? Why, just cause they haven't won diddly in a zillion years? Well, okay. Say, I used to live near Chicago, and XRT was my favorite station. Anyway, I barely remember the original (the "rat in a cage part" is all I know) but I liked the batting cage sub, and the number 1/ number 2 part. Good job.

Claude, you should have heard some of Billy's kvetchings as the season got progressively worse. A number of times he was heard to whine on the air, "After this, I quit. It's just not worth worrying about any longer." I'm not a fan of his music but still, I would love to hear him do the show again next year.

(Artistry) This paced well, though it went completely over my head, mostly due to my dislike for sports and baseball not being big in Australia. Especially since this parody is about bad baseball playing, and I don't know how to play it right, so this was lost on me. Not your fault, obviously.

Honestly Agri, you didn't have to mention the Cubs in the opening line and I still would have attributed it to them. . .they have a history of, well, yeah . . .poor cubs. . .anyway, this one was pretty fun.