We cover a lot of ground this week, and our pal Marlon is on the episode to help us out. We begin with his deep, smooth baritone voice and how unfairly awesome it sounds. Several female listeners in the past have said his voice turned them on, so we try a little experiment where the three of us take turns trying to seduce women with our words and voices. It’s probably the least sexy audio you’ve ever heard.

Recently we posted our defense of Maggie Gyllenhaal on our Facebook page, saying that despite the popular opinion that she’s ugly or weird looking, we actually think she’s very cute and wouldn’t mind giving her a smooch. We decide to come to rescue of several more “ugly” actresses that we argue are actually attractive, and the hive mind of the internet is covering itself because it never gets laid. Like douchey white knights, we swoop in to defend these ladies as if it would somehow give us a shot! Speaking of white knights…

When it comes to dudes on the internet who are complete tools, there are two ends of the spectrum: Red Pills and White Knights. Red Pills are guys who completely disregard women as other humans and instead come up with rules and strategies to become “alphas” who get laid. Of course, if you have to formulate a strategy to get laid, it means you’re a tool who can’t actually relate to other women, which is what’s really preventing you from getting laid. Treating women like shit to get what you want may work occasionally for the stupid ones, but the stupid ones are annoying as hell after about 2 weeks. White Knights, on the other hand, swoop in to defend girls from the mean boys, protecting these frail girls from the evils of the world and ready to “be there for the girls” when things are going poorly. Their hope is eventually the girl will see what she really wants has been right there all along. However, unless what they want is a whining, self-pitying pussy, this long-game strategy never works. So when you put the Red Pills against the White Knights, who wins and who loses? Trick question! We all lose.

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