Told you fellers Trump would make America great ag'n. He weren't lyin', neither. At&T gave out bonuses. Sure they laid off a buncha folks at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, so that don't count. Wal-Mart gave a buncha workers raises … An' they laid off a buncha folks at Sam's Club at the same time, but twasn't none of them me, go that don't count. MAGA. Over a hundred companies are givin' out one-time $1000 bonuses an' sayin' it's 'cause of the billions of dollars in tax cuts they got. During the last gilded age, the robber barons sometimes handed out pocket change to the poor. They were placating the masses who wanted to break up their huge, unscrupulous, slave-wage-paying corporations. Sounds like fake hist'ry to me. Just saying, $1000 isn't much to pay for pitchfork insurance. We eat the poor.

Hi, I just got a notice that I owe $30k t the city in past freelance taxes. That's right. Because you didn't file as a business between 2007 and 2013. I wasn't a business. I was a reporter for a newspaper. They paid you with a 1099 instead of W-2. That makes you a business. They paid me with a 1099 so they could get away with not giving me benefits, and so they wouldn't have to give me paid time off! That doesn't mean I was running a business! Yes it does. I see you earned less than $100k per year. You wouldn't owe us anything if you filed for an exemption during the years you owed those taxes. You never told me this tax even existed! I'm not gonna pay you $30,000 for a tax I didn't owe just because you never told me I didn't owe it! You're right, sir. If you include the penalties, you're actually gonna pay us $38,000. You're going to make me become a Republican! You know that, right?! There's no special exemption for Republicans.

Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tries to change the subject by saying "yeah but â€¦ black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but â€¦ you rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix all these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters bigger'n all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them in asteroid craters? Good game, Clyde.

Excuse me, sir, if it's not too much trouble â€¦ Hi, Democrats. What can I get you? Coffee Sandwiches? An explanation. We introduced our bold new plan last month: "A Better Deal," but the progressives still aren't impressed. What more could they ask for? We focus-group tested the heck out of the slogan. It was the least objectionable and least un-inspiring of the bunch! It evokes FDR's "New Deal" and LBJ's "Fair Deal" without over-promising. We don't want to risk over-promising. It even sounded progressive! We mentioned tax credits to retrains workers, a $15 minimum wage (eventually), regulating prescription drug prices, and busting monopolies, maybe. We even said we'd think about forming a committee to consider considering sing-payer health care, among many other more corporate-donor-friendly options that aren't single-payer. And we introduced it with an editorial vowing not to expand government or move our party in one direction or another along the political spectrum. Bold! So why didn't that fire up the progressive base? ... Hello?

Hello, you've reached Sisyphus Mortgage. This is Ryan. How may I hinder you? I just got an ad saying you specialize in loans for self-employed people. I'm self-employed. I've taken all the tax deductions the law allows, so my income appears to be much smaller than it actually is. Is there any type of loan I'd qualify for? Of course. If you've got 24 months of bank statements that show you can easily afford the monthly payments, you may qualify for a "bank statement loan." I could get you bank statements. Great! ... Oh, one more thing, we also need to see receipts proving that your expenses match your bank accounts. You do? ... O ... K ... I'll see if I can dig those up. Great! ... Oh, one more thing, we'll also need to see your business license. Ryan, how many "one more things" are there? Before I can answer that, I just need one more thing ...

Good game, Big L. You only put it in the wrong basket once. I was preoccupied, Clyde. Taxes are due. If I take too many deductions, my income'll look tiny and I won't qualify for a mortgage. I see, bruh. When we was kids, your excuse was "the sun was in my eyes." Also, I saw an unfamiliar mole and wondered if it was malignant.

You'we gwounded, daddy. Why? You thed a cuth wowd. I did not say a cuss word. Yeth you did! You thed censored I can't believe I owe five censored thouthand dollarth! What did daddy tell you about listening at his door when He's doing his taxes? You're grounded.

I don't care about anything I've heard lately, I'm still voting for Donald Trump on Tuesday. Yeah, maybe he teaches young men it's ok to objectify and assault women. And maybe he teaches young women that they're worthless. But we're not electing a "role model." And sure, maybe he's a tad racist. But we're not electing a "sensitivity trainer." Sigh. Newsweak. And yeah, maybe he hasn't paid income taxes ever since "Pocahontas" was in theaters, but we're not electing a "Taxpayer in Chief." And sure, maybe he's far better at alienating people than he is at winning them over. But we're not electing a "leader." ... What? Nothing.

Hello, you've reached Candorville county. This is Ryan 2.0. How may I hinder you? My son was mistakenly enrolled in Medicaid. I need him off that. Please listen carefully as our options may have changed. To discuss Medicaid eligibility, say "two." To report fraud, say "three." To report child or elder abuse, say "four." Two. To obtain a business license, say "five." "Two." To dispute a county tax lien or inquire about your property tax bill, say "six." "Two." To make a child support payment, say "seven." To send an inmate a care package, say "eight." "Two." I said TWO! TWO! TWO! TWO! Just put an actual person on the phone! That option is invalid. To purchase coroner gift shop merchandise, say "nine."

Every time a cop shoots a black man, someone tried to change the subject by saying "Yeah but … black-on-black crime is a much bigger problem." Let's imagine they did that for everything. Let's do this. "Taxes are too high." Yeh but … your rent cost a lot more, so whachoo whinin' 'bout? "Politicians don't listen to us." Yeh, but ... men don't truly listen to women in they relationships. Deal widdat first, if you serious about people bein' heard. "The city should fix these potholes." Yeh but ... erytime a big meteor hit us, it make craters biggern all the potholes combined. How I'm supposed to take you serious about them potholes when I ain't never heard you say nothin' about them asteroid craters?

Do you think clouds care about the government shutdown? Do you think the sun cares whether we believe we're contributing to climate change? Do you think the Milky Way cares whether we ever stop killing each other? We're all part of a vast cosmos, Susan. If the cosmos doesn't care about the little things, I don't see why I should. I still think you should open that letter the IRS sent you.

I just read yet another article about teenage girls running away to join ISIS. It turns out that when ISIS advertises for new recruits on social media, they forget to mention the part about how they sell girls into slavery for as little as a pack of cigarettes. If the world can't beat them on the battlefield, maybe we can get them on false advertising. We got Al Capone on tax evasion, you know.

You'we gwounded, daddy. Why? You thed a cuth wowd. I did not say a cuss word. Yeth you did! You thed (censored) I can't bewieve I owe five (censored) thouthand dollarth! What did daddy tell you about listening at his door when he's doing his taxes? You're grounded.

I've figured out why a lot of America's greatest cities are in decline. Why? Because I had some time on my hands while I was doing laundry … But that's not important right now. I'm gonna smash your "Airplane" dvd. Most people think it's only about the shrinking manufacturing and tax base ... but what they don't realize is, cities are living organisms. People are blood cells. Streets are arteries. Downtowns are the heart. The newspaper is the brain. Let's talk about "Airplane" again. You can't survive without a healthy brain, unless you're Congress.

We're being overrun by illegals. You're gonna have to narrow that down. Do you mean jaywalkers? Embezzlers? Contractors who ignore environmental regulations? Bosses who ignore workplace safety laws? People who don’t pick up after their dogs? People who cheat on their taxes? People who speed? People who litter? People who sing copyrighted songs like "Happy Birthday" in public without paying royalties? There are an awful lot of "illegals" out there. I think you know what I mean.

Last week, you said if you earned $10 million in profit, and Obama raised your taxes to 50% you'd only take home $5 million. But that's not how our marginal tax rates work. Everyone's earnings are taxed exactly the same, whether you're a billionaire or a thousandaire. We all pay 10% on our first $8,500, 15% on earning between $8,500 and $34,500, 25% only on the portion between $34,500 and 83,600, and so on. If there were a 50% bracket, it would only be the 50% of the very top part of your income. On what page of the Communist Manifesto did you find all this? (This cartoon was published originally on 11/5/2011).