Condom use

Ok, this one may be a little personal. We've read a lot of posts and received a lot of responses to our questions about rules/guidelines that we posted here. Among all of them, one thing stands out....condom use. The reasons to use them are pretty self explanatory. What we are curious about is why some people choose not too. C has some sensitivity issues due to nerve damage from an accident when he was younger, and because of that, condom use makes sex fairly difficult. The issues with condoms and safety (STDs, accidental pregnancy--I'm consistently on the pill so not an issue at home) have been our greatest stumbling block, and most discussed topic. Despite both wanting to explore the LS, we have, at times gotten very discouraged because we don't know how to handle or approach this. Does anyone have any insight to offer or similar problems? Or perhaps any suggestions of condom brands/types that might be worth trying at home to see if they might work for us? We know it is something to be absolutely upfront with when talking to other couples or singles, and in order to go bareback with anyone, we would have to get to know the couple really well, and be tested regularly. Are there any other considerations we need to take into account with this issue?
We realize this can be a sensitive issue.... for any response and information you can offer!!! You guys have all been awesome to us!!!

Re: Condom use

First, I guess I would ask what makes it more difficult than sex with a condom? Spermicide or lubricant allergy? Latex allergy? Dryness? There are solutions to those issues.

Second, I have been surprised to see, on a few polls, how many people do go bareback, so there are certainly people out that that will oblige you in this regard. How you approach them I am not sure. I guess I would start with profiles that do not make an issue of condoms as a starting point. Maybe some of those that go bareback can give you a better answer.

Third, make sure you are clearly aware of the risk. There are risk with or with out condoms, but much greater risk with the latter.

As for what to do about condoms, it really depends on what the issue is. But I have never heard of any made for specific medical issues other than size or lubrication and spermicide allergies or latex allergies.

Have you thought of trying a female condom. They are larger, she inserts it and they are usually made of polyurethane rather than latex.

Re: Condom use

You're on the swingers board. I don't think there's much that's going to cause us to blush

Originally Posted by Nlove4ever

What we are curious about is why some people choose not too.

We've not encountered a couple or single in person that has asked us to go bareback in ~2 years of swinging. We don't expect to bump into anyone that does. Condom use is basically a given. That said, my wife and I have discussed the possibility. Also, I've seen a number of reasons indicated by people here to not use condoms;

While they do reduce the chance of STDs, they're not a 100% defense. It's illusory to think there's solid protection. We don't agree with this reasoning, but we've seen it

The sexual experience is greatly heightened for the man, and sometimes for the woman. This is certainly true for my wife and I. Her especially, more so than any woman I've been with, enjoys a naked penis far more than a covered one

It feels better, is more enjoyable, more complete, more fulfilling, whatever...to have a man cum inside you and leave his cum there. Some couples like sloppy seconds, cream pies, etc.

If both sex partners are surgically safe, the risk of pregnancy is virtually non-existent (not absent, but almost so). Condoms add virtually nothing to the pregnancy prevention picture in this scenario.

Partner is not able to maintain an erection for long with a condom.

I'm sure there's other reasons, but those are some we've seen.

For my wife and I, we've never played condomless and don't expect to anytime soon. In theory, if we had regular partners whom we'd played with multiple times, knew they were disease free and kept themselves that way, and surgically safe...we would consider it. But that bridge hasn't even been seen yet, much less crossed.

Originally Posted by Nlove4ever

Or perhaps any suggestions of condom brands/types that might be worth trying at home to see if they might work for us? We know it is something to be absolutely upfront with when talking to other couples or singles, and in order to go bareback with anyone, we would have to get to know the couple really well, and be tested regularly. Are there any other considerations we need to take into account with this issue?
We realize this can be a sensitive issue.... for any response and information you can offer!!! You guys have all been awesome to us!!!

It isn't a sensitive issue. Actually, pun intended, it is a sensitive issue!

I think your approach is a good one. Yes, test condoms. Not all condoms are alike. There's plenty of condom makers who understand that some men have difficulty with condoms. They've responded to that. Shop the condoms, try a bunch of different ones, and see what ones work best for you. You'll have considerably more success finding a condom that works for you than finding a couple that's willing to go bareback.

Re: Condom use

It's not an allergy issue or sensitivity to materials they are made from like that....He had a head injury in an accident. The only residual result is reduced sensitivity on the right side of his body and groin. We have never used condoms at home because with the already reduced sensation.....well guys I'm guessing you can imagine cumming is just about impossible for him because of it. We're trying several brands of the extra sensitive/thin, etc before looking for our first experience to, hopefully find something that will work for him. Just wondered if anyone has had this sort of problem, and how they handled it? Perhaps any condoms good for those with sensation issues? We're sorry we didn't phrase the original post clearly! And the female condoms are something else worth a try!!! Neither of us is really comfortable with the idea of going bareback. Thanks for your input!!!

Re: Condom use

Originally Posted by Nlove4ever

We're trying several brands of the extra sensitive/thin, etc before looking for our first experience to, hopefully find something that will work for him. Just wondered if anyone has had this sort of problem, and how they handled it?

Just thought of another idea.

There are lotions that increase sensitivity in nerve endings. Try one of those (or really any latex agreeable lotion, assuming you're using a latex condom) by applying some on the head of his penis, and just a tiny bit down the shaft. Make sure that none gets towards the base of his shaft. Apply the condom, and have at it.

What happens is that the penis can then slide around in the end of the condom, producing greater sensation.

CAUTION: This can result in the condom having a greater chance of slipping off. The user of the condom has to be very aware and learn how this effects that chance with them.

Re: Condom use

We never would have thought of that!!!! LOL! Picked up a box of the Durex Extra Sensitive yesterday (they got great reviews! felt kind of odd reading condom reviews....) We will have to give that a try with them and see how it goes. Hey, at least all the trying at home will be a fun experiment ! Oh, has anyone ever tried the Crown Skinless Skin brand? They were the top reviewed but will have to order, and they were on backorder for now on the websites I tried.....just wondered if they would be worth ordering. Thanks again for all the input!!!

Re: Condom use

Originally Posted by Nlove4ever

reduced sensitivity on the right side of his body and groin.

Ok, that helps.
You might want to try polyurethane condoms. They are thinner (but supposed to be stronger) and the sensation is better as well. They don't feel so much like a glove as latex, its more natural feeling. Harder to find and more expensive, but it might help.

There is also a relatively new condom material I have heard about, but have not tried. Polyisoprene, Lifestyles makes one I know. They are supposed to be super sensitive and safe.

Do a quick Google search on both types and I am sure a large number of brands will show up. That should be a good starting point.

Re: Condom use

Like just about everything else in the Lifestyle, people's preference on condom use ranges across the spectrum from always to never, with the majority on the always side although there are plenty of bareback-only couples out there. We are a condom always couple, but in one instance that met our narrow criteria on that, were willing to go without. We also played with a couple one time where the tables were turned, they preferred bareback and there was also a latex sensitivity issue. In that case, they were willing to meet our rules as long as no latex was involved, so we tried out one of the polyurethane condoms.

Condoms suck, and in fact I have a difficult time cumming while wearing one just because of the reduced sensitivity compared to normal added in on top of the swinging jitters about wanting to do my absolute best to please. Not to say is doesn't feel good though, cuz I keep going back , and whether or not I actually get off isn't that important to me with a swing partner. The Mrs much prefers skin to skin contact too, but is even firmer on the condom rule than I am, so that's our rule.

We've tested out several brands at home, and some are definitely better than others, but it is still a matter of those just sucking the least. But, we look at that as just the price you pay to play. We are well aware they don't offer 100% protection, but they do reduce the risk to what we feel is an acceptable level and that keeps us in our comfort zone.

It's really about where your personal comfort level is, and like everything else, the more outside of the majority you get, the more limited your potential pool of playmates. Nothing wrong with that, just a fact to be recognized and accepted up front.

Re: Condom use

We were one of those bareback couples. Mrs. Alura was on the pill and trusted it, so pregnancy was never an issue. When we decided to have children, we simply quit swinging until we had had the two kids we wanted.

When we started playing, the worse STD could be cured with a single shot of penicillin. Even so, we only played with couples who had been married for many years and had little or no outside contacts. In the case of our first long-term playmates, we were the second sexual partners for both of them and they had been married over twenty years. Not much risk there.

Had we wanted to play with relative strangers, we would have reassessed our policy on condoms. Nevertheless, condoms only offer some protection against both an unwanted pregnancy and STDs, and we never believed the protection was good enough to rely on them. Common sense seemed to work well.

Alura

"They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it."
óWill Rogers

Re: Condom use

Thank you so much for all the advice. I am refreshed by the nonjudgemental atitude. I used to be very sensitive about my reduced sensitivity issue. Mrs.C has been very loving and supportive about it and lends extra encouragement if needed. The advice that has been given, will give us things to try and pratice with to attempt to find the right combination that will work for us.

Re: Condom use

Yes, there are those who choose (for whatever reason) to play without condoms (relying upon birth control only)... and that's wonderful that they've got partners they trust enough that enables them to do this.

For many of the rest of us, condoms for intercourse are pretty much a given.

It's a very strange thing... because 99&#37; of the time, they are ONLY used for intercourse. Most swingers will play bare (skin-to-skin) for every other aspect of their sex-play (oral, mutual masturbation, breast-fucking, etc.) ... only when the penis is going to enter a vagina or anus do condoms get put on.

Are we still working under the delusion that STD's can only be transmitted through intercourse?

(I'm pretty sure MOST of us aren't THAT delusional)

So... why only condoms for only intercourse? Birth control is the most obvious answer - but if the gal is taking a hormone-birth control (the pill, shot, patch, etc.) ...that should cover THAT base.

So... maybe we do it simply because it makes us feel "safer" than without. ((shrug))

Lord knows I ain't wearing them because they make ANYTHING feel better!

Re: Condom use

My SO also has sensitivity issues...basically if a condom is used, he isn't going to get there. There have been a handful of times that he has...but that is not the norm. Basically his mindset is "I'll eventually get mine one way or another...but I'm going to fuck this girl stupid".

Basically if you have difficulty getting there with a condom...be up front about it, but also state that it isn't a ploy to get someone to go bareback just that you want her to know in advance. Women get a complex about these sorts of things too you know.

We use Magnum Thin b/c they are thinner, but he doesn't feel like there is a tourniquet on his cock either.

Re: Condom use

So... why only condoms for only intercourse? Birth control is the most obvious answer - but if the gal is taking a hormone-birth control (the pill, shot, patch, etc.) ...that should cover THAT base.

One of the reasons we always use condoms is because no one form of birth control is fool proof. Neither are two forms together. But, two forms together create an extremely unlikely pregnancy scenario.

Plenty of woman are quite capable of becoming pregnant while on the pill. It's not perfect, and never sold as such. My wife and I have always used some form of birth control unless we were wanting to have kids (been there, done that). But, we also accepted that using just one form had a high enough chance over time that there was a real possibility of pregnancy. That was ok with us.

In a swinging environment, it's NOT ok. We do not want to get someone else pregnant, nor get pregnant from swinging. We've discussed that before as well, if it ever happens. Regardless, we always use two forms of birth control.

Re: Condom use

One of the reasons we always use condoms is because no one form of birth control is fool proof. Neither are two forms together. But, two forms together create an extremely unlikely pregnancy scenario.

Plenty of woman are quite capable of becoming pregnant while on the pill. It's not perfect, and never sold as such. My wife and I have always used some form of birth control unless we were wanting to have kids (been there, done that). But, we also accepted that using just one form had a high enough chance over time that there was a real possibility of pregnancy. That was ok with us.

In a swinging environment, it's NOT ok. We do not want to get someone else pregnant, nor get pregnant from swinging. We've discussed that before as well, if it ever happens. Regardless, we always use two forms of birth control.

Oh definately... in regards to pure "birth control" I'm all for using a condom (after all, that's pretty much the only course of action men have, short of getting surgically "fixed" or totally abstaining from intercourse)

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