WHAT do you call a politician who is suddenly struck by a debilitating inability to lie?

A) A Lame Duck, B) Retired, or C) Sophia on “Golden Girls.”

If you guessed “A” or “B” you are correct sir! If you guessed “C” you need to stop obsessing about old TV shows.

I’m happy to report that we are about to have an uncontrollable outbreak of political truth-in-the-mouth disease (what with term limits and the D.C. turnover).

Think of the benefits. For one, blessed relief from James Carville.

Tomorrow night we get our first dose of shocking truth with the debut of “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’s” new senior political analyst, Bob Dole.

The former senator will begin with the mess in New Hampshire on “Focus on New Hampshire” (a “Daily Show” special).

Dole really is very funny, although you’d never know it by his career in the senate.

I once had the humiliating job of calling him–at the height of his power yet — to ask him whether his pal Sen. Al D’Amato was dating Claudia Cohen.

Instead of hanging up on me, he said, “Yes! Their pre-nup is the real Contract with America.”

How did Stewart nab the man from Viagra as a regular?

“It’s safe to assume that after a life of service, [Dole] wasn’t thinking ‘the one thing I want to do is work on this guy’s show,”‘ said Stewart.

“After I asked him, the Secret Service moved in, and then I blacked out, so I don’t know how it actually happened. But we really need him because we don’t know who these people are!”

Hey–Dole might even know how, historically, the winner of the pancake flip, er, stacks up in the race.For more truth, there’s Roger Ebert’s interview with the lamest duck of all, Bill Clinton, which airs Sunday at midnight on Ch.5.

When he’s got nothing to gain (or lose) the president is pretty funny. He says the free movies are the best perk of the job. (And you thought it was interns!)

Apparently suffering since his dating life was prematurely cut short, he fantasizes about Ingrid Bergman in “Casablanca.”

When Ebert asks him if he wants to run the Motion Picture Association of America, he says, “I’d enjoy anything where I could see any new movie!”

Alarmed by his spate of truth, he immediately says he’d also enjoy working with gay rights, homelessness and education — you know, things he never got around to as president.