5 Tips for Successful Flirting

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You’re in the same room as her, now for the basics that will help you turn dating into wooing.

1. The Eyes Have It

Eye contact is one of the ways we bond with our parents as babies and for that reason it retains that intimacy throughout our lives. We do it easily and naturally with those we know and love. That’s why eye contact with a stranger feels so electric—you’re sharing something intense with someone you don’t know in the slightest. But, used consciously, it’s the most powerful flirting tool there is, allowing you to reliably signal your interest and gauge response. The technique is to simply hold eye contact with a potential partner for a second or two longer than usual before looking away. What you want to achieve is a warm and open gaze. “Smising” – or smiling with your eyes – is the desired effect. Do not try to some brooding over-long stare unless you want to come off as a creep. If your potential partner holds your eye contact then she is probably signaling curiosity. If she looks away and is looking back when you do, then you can safely say there’s some interest there. But you need to capitalise on this, otherwise the game of peek-a-boo will quickly get weird as she wonders: well, what now?

2. Warm and open smile

A warm smile indicates not just that you’re interested but that you’re a happy, confident chap. If she smiles back, she’s agreeing that what’s shared between you is a good thing. A dismissive glance, frown or looking away usually signals that she’s had second thoughts. That said, she might just be shy. So see if she does glance back and offer a smile. If not, then move on. If so, it’s time to declare your interest.

3. Opening line

Speaking to a stranger in a non-romantically charged situation is easy. How often do you second-guess yourself at the supermarket checkout or when ordering at a restaurant? But when there’s an unspoken mutual attraction the pressure is suddenly on. You’ll feel it. She’ll feel it. By taking initiative and starting the conversation you’re breaking that tension and demonstrating you’re a confident gent who knows what he wants. If there’s a natural icebreaker, referencing something shared in the environment (music, food, drinks, a view or weather that’s actually noteworthy) then it’s a great place to start. Rather than just make a statement, phrase your opener as a question because it invites a response. By referencing what’s around you, you’re not getting too personal or asking for any sort of massive conversational commitment straight away. All the better if you can make a joke that’s inoffensive and actually funny. But do not use a groanworthy compliment gagline (“Are you a snowflake? Cause I’m falling for you”, etc) unless you want her to think you’re an unoriginal idiot. Can’t think of anything “impressive” to say? Then just introduce yourself, hand out, while smiling warmly.

4. Talk The Talk

Ask her name. Ask about her interests. Ask about her opinions. Ask about her day. Ask about her plans. Show you’re listening with conversation that takes into account what she has told you. Don’t think it has to be an interrogation but every question tells her you’re interested. By answering she’s telling you she’d along for the ride so far. Laugh at her jokes or comic observations and make your own without being crude, rude or cruel. Do not insult or demean her as some pick-up artists advise. That said, teasing banter done right is a powerful signal of interest, particularly if it comes back. Don’t go for controversial conversation – sex, politics, religion – straight off the bat because she might feel cornered and uncomfortable.

5. Watch The Way She Moves

Figures vary, but psychologists say up to 93 per cent of our communications are non-verbal. Some things – like our scents and pheromones – are beyond control. But others – such as smiling and eye contact – can be used consciously. Flirting isn’t just about sending off such signals, it’s about being aware of those you’re receiving. Does she hold eye contact for long periods, smile and laugh frequently, touch your arm or her neck or play with her hair? Do her legs point towards you when you’re seated and does she lean your way during the conversation? If she’s ticking most or all of these boxes and you’re both enjoying each other’s company, then it’s probably time to take things to the next level by asking her out.