Thursday, March 20, 2014

It's interesting to think about pre-parent me and who I was six and a half years ago compared with today. It's incredible the ways being a parent has changed me — not just in terms of stretch marks, a higher tolerance for being peed on, and the adopting of phrases my mom used to say that I swore I never would — but in ways that affect my deepest core and have brought me into my true self.

Pre-kids Sam and me could do pretty much anything, and so we did. We didn't have much money, but we still traveled a lot, went to plays and concerts and museums, started businesses, moved across the country just because, watched multi-day marathons of TV shows on DVD, practiced music and wrote songs, volunteered long hours, took continual adult-education classes, and enjoyed it all.

I don't regret who I was then, and I don't regret that my life has changed. I imagine some of it would have changed with age and circumstances in any case, but I can definitely see how before becoming a parent, I had pretty much my own inclinations to consult for what I wanted to do on any given day and in my broader life planning. I wasn't selfish or thoughtless — that's just how my life was.

Now my own inclinations come toward the end of the priority list. I have two little munchkins whose needs necessarily come before my own. I have to make sure other people get enough sleep and food and love and play before anything else can happen. I can't take a break if I'm sick or tired or sick and tired of another tantrum or sibling squabble. I've had to grow up, in other words, and be the parent, because that's who they need me to be. I don't regret that, either, and it's been a beneficial learning and growing process, even as it felt at the beginning like being thrown into the deep end.

On the flip side, I've noticed something really intriguing in the way this more structured, seemingly restricted life has allowed me to blossom.

Before becoming a parent, I didn't do as much to pursue my dreams and goals. I knew I wanted to write a novel, for instance, but I figured I had to wait until that was all I was doing. Meanwhile, we had other things going on, and no pressing urgency to get that novel done right then.

I even had hoped that getting pregnant with my first would light the fire under me I needed — that I would finish my novel before his birth, since clearly I wouldn't have time after he was born. Right?

It didn't happen. But after his birth: I started a blog, and it grew. I wrote a novel, and then several besides. I published several books and am working on more.

With my time so much less "perfect," I now realized there is no perfect time for pursuing your goals and becoming the person you want to be. It's now — it's all now.

My children grow so quickly, right before my eyes, reminding me of that daily now that is all we have. I've learned to take what I need for myself as I can grab it, and make room in my busier life as a mother of two and a homeschooler to carve out the writing time my soul craves. Funny how life comes together that way!

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My daughter has taught me many things. Responsibility and being less "flightly", but also, to really enjoy the little stuff. The biggest thing was realizing there is still a child inside me thats in awe of new things neyabenz(at)gmail(dot)com

My niece and nephew have taught me to appreciate the people in my life and recognize the importance of relationships. They also have taught me to make a conscious effort to be happy and pleasure the little things in life. They have taught me not to take life too seriously and don't sweat the small stuff.

My kids have taught me better critical thinking as well as making me better at compromising :) I need both in order to watch out for my kids best interests, as well as balancing freedom with good choices :) anastasia2013@gmail.com

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ~CS Lewis

Having children has taught me patience, which was a big problem for me. You cannot be impatient with children at all, and with my new-found patience, it has made other areas of my life better, especially relationships with others. I find the care of children rewarding and watching them grow and change is wonderful.

We tried for a year to have a baby, and then finally found out we were having twins. They have changed our lives for the better. My husband and I have gotten closer to God because of the things we went through trying to get pregnant and my son being in the Nicu (5 weeks early). We do not drink anymore, we are more patient, we both appreciate the little things in life more, and we just dedicate our lives and time to our kids. They are such a blessing and truly are the GREATEST gift!! Thank you!!faithrains2387 (At) Yahoo.com

I have to say stability. Because of them I've stayed in the same home, dentist, job etc in a very good way. We have learned to stay committed no matter what and worked through issues but still maintain our ground and stability. Love my kids!

Having my daughter made me a more patient person. I was always pretty patient, but with her I learned to make sure I slowed down and enjoy every moment and wait for things, most everything is worth the wait

Having children changed me in so many ways, I definitely became less selfish but more importantly I realized I had to take better care of myself because I was responsible for more than just my happiness in life.mummytotwoboys@yahoo.com

I used to care what people thought of me but my kids helped me embrace who I really am, they taught me to be and believe in myself and to know that I am loved even when I am not perfect.neiddyruiz@gmail.com

They make you slow down and see the world from a different view. It seems that until you have kids you don't appreciate the little things.....things you used to just walk by and never gave a thought to.

My kids have made me to constantly strive to be the best mom I can…I quit smoking 5 years ago for them…I’m always trying to set a positive example for them. I was an adventure seeker before them…now I’m much more cautious about EVERYTHING!

I tend to be a spur of the moment person but having kids changed that for good. You have to plan things out, you have to bring this, that and the other thing. When a kid has to pee, they mean Now not ten minutes from now.

My kids have changed me completely. The minute I had my first son I knew that the world wasn't all about me anymore. For the first time I experienced true selflessness. I have 3 grown sons and 2 grandsons now and they are the most important things in the world to me.

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Riding the rails with my husband, Crackerdog Sam, and our hobo kids, Mikko Lint Picker (born June 2007), Alrik Irontrousers (born May 2011), and one on the way (coming October 2014). Trying every day to parent intentionally and with grace.