We had our first big World Fark Party last weekend. My expectations were definitely above average, but what actually ended up happening blew away the best possible outcome for the weekend. A ton of people, lots of friends connecting, laughter, and enough alcohol to fill Lake Mead.

For those of you who weren't able to make it: first, I hope you can make it next year because we had a kickass time. Second, Naskar's parents and his brother Cam were thrilled and honored to be a part of the festivities, and they let everybody know that they're working with us to set up a community foundation in his name. More details on that later when we have them.

Some thanks need to go out to those who agreed to come hang out with us, most notably our special guests: Bill Corbett of MST3K and Rifftrax, and Paul and Storm, who tore the roof off the sucker. I think I heard the same thing from at least a couple dozen people: "Man, I'd heard their stuff before but I had no idea how good it was in person." Also to Alex with Neatorama, who hosts our Fark Shop provided a lot of free schwag for us and was kind enough to help us get the shirts printed. The Nas-Con shirts will be available in a few days for those of you who wanted them but weren't able to get them on Saturday or Sunday. The staff at Treasure Island in Las Vegas was excellent and treated us right. Especially the five guys at the craps table friday and saturday night after midnight. I woke up both nights hung over with a full wallet AND my butt wasn't bleeding - a Vegas win if there ever was one.

A lot of members of Fark took the lead in helping us get this off the ground and arranging some events. Thanks to Witchydiva for organizing the Vegas Strip Pub Crawl, to smells_like_meat for setting up and managing the Poker Tournament, to aquigley for being our emcee at the Saturday event. Thanks also go out to Yzziefrog for helping with the shirt designs, to E-Brake for offering to help with shirts and setting up the Sunday brunch, and to cyberchp for volunteering to man the sales table. Also thanks to punkrockgirl and Unfreakable for setting up and managing the event.

To everybody who took time out of their schedule and spent their hard-earned money to get here, I hope you had a blast. Everyone I talked to sure as hell did. You all made this party what it was, because you all make this community what it is. I can't say that in any other way without sounding like I'm just spouting sentimental BS, but every word of it is true.

I realized I was a feminist the first time I gave myself permission to be angry with men. My first boyfriend in high school spent a lot of time undermining me in ways that felt like love. He'd tell me I was pretty but not sexy, and then have sex with me. He'd tell me I was smart, but then laugh with his brothers at how I was "ditzy." He'd look deep into my eyes and tell me the world was ours, and how much he loved me, then tell me I was being crazy when I'd call him more than he liked, or when I'd ask for anything at all. He gave me what he wanted to give me when he wanted to give it to me, and I got to tell myself over and over again that it was what being in love was like.

That guy broke my heart when he broke up with me, and I felt like I lost my whole world. He made me feel like my world wasn't any bigger than him and that any attempts to make it so were a result of me being "crazy." After that I gravitated towards any guy who made me feel validated for a few minutes. I wanted to be friends with guys only-I told myself that women were catty and shallow, and that I just got along better with guys. Looking back on that time, I was desperately unhappy and also desperate to be someone who mattered. And the only people I knew who mattered were men.

I sat through marathon sports sessions and pretended to care. I cooked and I cleaned and I fetched beer and I sat by while guys made comments about other girls ... girls who weren't me, because I certainly wasn't that girl. I wasn't stupid and slutty and weak, I wasn't obsessed with Sex and the City and bad alcohol, and I certainly didn't get easily offended like all those other girls did, by stuff like porn and strippers and sexual comments.

I could keep that face on until I couldn't. And that's when the shortfalls of these guys became painfully apparent. When I missed my first boyfriend so much, I cried during sex with a one night stand and the guy asked if I was OK-and when I said yes, he kept going while I kept crying. When a guy cheated on his girlfriend with me and-nevermind that I was drunk and he was four years older and it was my first week of college-she stayed in a relationship with him but made sure everyone we knew heard about what an evil, dirty, boyfriend-stealing slut I was. When I was too drunk to drive home and asked a male acquaintance to drive me, and we had sex that I don't fully remember-but he told everyone. And this stuff happened again and again, until it culminated in a night when at a fraternity party, someone grabbed a microphone and asked if anyone wanted their turn at "super sloppy seventeenths" with me.

I dropped out of school then. I felt so worthless I wanted to die. Everyone had figured it out: I was weak, worthless, stupid, and worst of all, a total whore. And after I hit rock-bottom I started to wonder why. Why was it that sex meant that something had been taken away from me and given to some guy? Why was it that guys could shamelessly talk about their sex lives, but I was supposed to be ashamed of mine? Where exactly did this slut label that was breaking my heart come from?

And then the first guy came back. After another painfully draining relationship with him, I got the opportunity to tell him to go fark himself, to get his things out of the house and leave me to my life. I finally started living for myself. And I realized that straight white men are given power, but the rest of us have to find ours. That made me so angry and so determined at the same time, and something inside me fundamentally changed: I stopped accepting things for what they are and started asking questions about why they are that way. This changed my career trajectory in an insanely positive way. It changed how I relate to men, which led to a fantastic, egalitarian relationship with a man I plan to marry (I'm the one who proposed). And perhaps most importantly, it led to some deeply rewarding friendships with other women. whom I stopped viewing as the enemy in my quest for male validation and started to see as fellow survivors of the patriarchy.

I found feminism like some people find religion. It changed my life and it made me whole.

I was in Reno (just left yesterday), and thought about showing up. Now that I hear Paul and Storm were there I am glad I didn't bother. It would have been nice to meet some of you, but not nice enough to put up with that crap.