Pierce: I got a letter from the executor of my father’s estate. Said to come here with my seven closest friends.Abed: You brought six.Annie: Well who else was he gonna bring?Pierce: LeVar Burton was a maybe.

Cornelius: Nevertheless. I designed this game to be played upon my death by you and whatever cabal of fruits, junkies, and sluts you call your friends.
Pierce: Her name is Britta.

Cornelius: Worst son ever!

Troy: Because when you’re friends with someone for three years, it’s weird to steal their family’s money.Abed: And there wouldn’t be a lot of sport in beating you, look at yourself.Britta: Yeah, you really do suck.

Gilbert: Be my guest. But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, the weight sensors will recognize it as an automatic forfeit.Jeff and Shirley: Weight sensors?

Hilda: I am Hilda, I live in the village.Pierce: Lesbian.

Hilda: The throne is in Castle Hawkthorne north of here…You unlock the castle with the white crystal of discipline, which you must free from the black caverns.Shirley: I’m picking up on some hidden symbolism.Pierce: Right, white crystal. You think dad was into meth?

Shirley: Now what are you doing?Annie: He was suffering!Shirley: Yeah, from ax wounds.

Shirley: No witnesses. Grab everything you can carry. I’ll check upstairs for more family, and don’t give me that look these are your loose ends I’m just tying them up.

Annie: Everybody go shopping? That’s all we did.Abed: Is that hut on fire?Shirley: Oh my, what an unexplained tragedy.

Troy: Unbelievable. Jeff bet all our lives on Britta, and won, and I lost my pants to a pair of nines.

Britta: Abed, she’s program.Abed: People have said similar things about me.

Jeff: This cave is the worst.Britta: I know, I don’t know what’s more offensive, the actual racism or the insulting notion that it might somehow rub off on us.