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KidsPeace believes that it is helpful to our readers to reprint some Healing Magazine articles
that are as relevant today as when they were published in our Magazine.
This article discusses how parents of special needs students should strive to interact well with their children's teachers and is written by author and Autisim advocate Ellen Notbohm. It was
published in the Spring/Summer 2007 issue.

The View from the Other
Side of the Desk: Are you a ‘challenging parent?’

What special education
teachers want you to know

by Ellen Notbohm

As transitions go, my son’s
transition to middle school had been smoother than any parent with an
Individualized Education Plan (IEP) in hand could hope for. It had been a very
good year with very good teachers. But, as the year wound down with alarming
speed, the scheduling of the annual IEP meeting just wasn’t happening. Repeated
requests – at increasing decibel level – to resource teachers went unresolved
amid scheduling problems, administrative issues, illnesses and other
roadblocks. When we finally did meet, five days before the end of the school
year, I told the excellent resource teacher only half-jokingly, “You’re almost
there. Only five more days and then you are done with me.”

And this excellent teacher
stopped in his tracks and looked at me with surprise. “Oh no,” he said.“No. I have had some challenging
parents this year, and you are not one of them.”

At that, it was my turn to
stop in my tracks. What, I wanted very much to know, constitutes a
“challenging” parent?It was too
intriguing a thought to leave on the table so, a few months later, we came back
to it. His very thoughtfully painted portrait of a “challenging” parent led me
to ask other special educators, teachers of students aged toddler to high
school across several different school districts, the same question. And, while
each came from his/her own unique situation, the common threads in their
thoughts were striking. A number of these common threads formed the basis for
my book Ten Things Your Student with Autism Wishes You Knew. Here then is the
view from the other side of the desk, the voice of your special education
teacher:

Be team-oriented

A combative attitude does
not enhance our ability to make progress with your child. Our relationship
should be an alliance, not an adversarial face off. We are all here because of
the child; he or she is our common interest, and it is important not to lose
sight of that. It is not about me or you, or whether we like each other.

Give me the courtesy of a
clean slate. You may have had bad experiences with previous teachers or
schools, but putting past conflicts or issues onto me, coming in with guns
blazing before you even have a chance to get to know me or my program is
counterproductive. “This is what has happened in the past, and I expect the
same from you” is looking for trouble where it is possible that none exists.

There is a difference
between being assertive and being aggressive – and there is a cost. Teachers
appreciate parents who are knowledgeable, effective advocates for their
children. Knowing your rights and knowing the facts of your situation, and requesting
services and accommodations firmly but respectfully are light years removed
from being a fist-pounder.

We are not here for the
money or the recognition. We are here because we love these kids. In an ideal
world, I want to share with the parent any inside perspective I have about ‘the
system’ and how it affects decisions made about their child. But, if I sense in
any way that the parent will use the information in a way that comes back on me
or threatens my job, it is only natural that I will not share.

All children, even special
needs children, need to assume some level of responsibility for their behavior
and its consequences. We are sometimes faced with parents who say, “I cannot
believe my child would do such a thing. It must be somebody else’s fault. If
you had been doing this, he wouldn’t have been doing that.” Sometimes that’s
the case. However, when a parent insists it is always the case, I need to
gently suggest that a closer look be taken at what is actually going on.

Step back and listen as
open-mindedly as possible when faced with information that makes your blood
pressure rise. It’s very common for children to exhibit a different set of
behaviors at school than they do at home.

Having to be both teacher
and case manager can put me in a very difficult position. Especially in early
childhood education, it often falls on the teacher/case manager to identify the
fact that my particular classroom or program isn’t the best fit for your child.

Please know that, when I
tell you we need to transition your child to a different setting, it isn’t
because I ‘don’t like him.’ Hear me as objectively as possible when I tell you
that he is struggling too hard in the current placement and would benefit from
a different setting, that we need to modify the Individualized Family Service
Plan (IFSP) or IEP and find a better environment.

Don’t assume I know
everything about your child. I may only have the prior year’s academic
information, and perhaps no personal information at all. Tell me anything you
think is important for me to know about your “whole child.” Be a resource for
us, a bridge between programs.Share with us what has worked or not worked with your child in the past.

We cannot do everything for
your child. Your child is entitled by law to a free and appropriate education
in the least restrictive setting. That is not equivalent to the best possible
education. Think of it this way: You get the Chevy; you don’t get the Cadillac.
You get safe, reliable transportation, but you don’t get the CD player and the
leather seats. It’s a distinction many parents don’t understand that special
education is intended to provide for adequate growth, not maximum possible
growth.

Federal law mandates that we
make sure that kids who have a disability are making adequate progress, as
defined and measured yearly in their IEPs. The idea behind it is that, without
accommodation, they wouldn’t make adequate progress in general education, and
therefore would not be getting a free and appropriate public education.

Let’s say you have a fifth
grader who is reading at a 2nd grade level. It happens; teachers commonly look
at their classes and see a developmental range, so there are kids who end up in
4th or 5th grade reading several grade levels behind. So we set a goal, in a calendar
year, for the child to make a year’s growth, which is what his peers would
make.But he is still behind; he
is not catching up. In order for him to catch up, he would have to outpace his
peers. Some kids do that, but it’s very difficult and not realistic.

We have many commitments to
multiple content areas. If we were to spend half the day on reading alone –
sure, we could catch the kid up. But that’s not appropriate because we give up
everything else. And so we always have that discussion every year in an IEP
meeting. We have a certain amount of time. How do we set goals? How much time
do we need to meet each goal? How much are we going to be able to accomplish
given math, science, social studies, all of these other content areas required
and from which kids benefit?

Your child is not my only
student. When I am meeting with you, when we are in a discussion and
problem-solving mode – in that moment, your student is the only one I am
concerned about. But back in my classroom, I have anywhere from a few to a few
dozen other students in my caseload, and I have the scheduling restrictions
that naturally come with that caseload. It simply is not possible for the needs
of one child to dictate my entire day. Asking that of me is painful for both of
us.

Early intervention works

Here is an extension of a
universal truth:The earlier the
better – and the better the earlier the better. Catch things early, intervene
well and include your family, not just the school. No one was ever sorry they
intervened early, but legions of families regret “waiting to see if he outgrows
it.”

See the positive in your
child

Have an honest understanding
of what the range of your child’s disability means, but also recognize his
strengths. Too often, the most difficult parents to work with are the ones who
cannot see the positive qualities of their kid. Their focus is stuck on what
the child can’t do. Perhaps they do not want to have a child with a disability.
Perhaps they are stuck in the grieving process. But, for the teacher, it is
very hard to deal with.

Promote independence. Help
your child learn to do things for himself, rather than doing them for him. Many
teachers are parents themselves and understand the time stress families are
under. But, whether it’s homework or personal organization, expedience in the
moment will impede his learning to be independent in the long run. If you pack
and unpack his backpack for him every day, how will he learn the importance of
being organized, knowing where things are when they are needed, how to find
items or information? The parents who are most effective are the ones who teach
as well as parent. The two are synonymous.

Ellen Notbohm is author
of Ten Things Every Child with
Autism Wishes You Knew, a ForeWord 2005 Book of the Year Honorable Mention
winner, and co-author of the award-winning 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism Spectrum
Disorders. For article reprint permission, book excerpts, to learn more or
to contact Ellen, please visit www.ellennotbohm.com.

KidsPeace believes that it is helpful to our readers to reprint some Healing Magazine articles that are as relevant today as when they were published in our Magazine. This article discusses how communication is so important when doctors prescribe psychotropic medications to children. This article was published in the Spring/Summer 2006 issue.

Children’s Psychotropic
Medications: Communication is key

By Pat Sullivan

Millions of children take
prescription psychotropic medications to treat a wide range of conditions that
can destroy their quality of life. According to Dr. Adnan B. Zawawi,
Psychiatrist at KidsPeace Psychiatric Hospital, it is imperative that parents
and physicians establish open communication early in a child’s treatment. “At
KidsPeace, we provide parents with written information on any medications we
might prescribe in the admissions packet so that parents can make informed
decisions regarding their children’s treatment. They must give us written
consent before we start any medication,” Zawawi says. He also wants to dispel a
common myth: “These are not drugs; they are medications. Just as we prescribe
medications for hypertension, diabetes or infections, we prescribe medications
for illnesses of the mind.”

There are several classes of
psychotropic medications that are typically prescribed for youth:

Antidepressants

• Tricyclics – Older drugs.
These medications (some brand names include Adapin, Elavil, Pamelor and
Tofranil) are typically only used when SSRIs (see below) are ineffective.

• SSRIs (Selective Serotonin
Reuptake Inhibitors) – Newer antidepressants (some brand names include Prozac,
Zoloft, Paxil and Lexapro) used more commonly because they restore deficits in
certain neurotransmitters that facilitate communication between brain cells
(neurons) and return the brain to normal functioning with few side effects.

Dr. Zawawi emphasizes that
depression is a serious medical problem that causes the brain to function
differently from those of individuals who are not depressed. The benefits of
taking antidepressants far outweigh the risks associated with them. Dr. Zawawi
also notes that NIH studies have shown that patients treated with a combination
of SSRIs and therapy had higher success rates than those taking SSRIs alone or
those undergoing therapy alone.

Typically, antidepressants
are used for a year or two, with cessation being gradual and closely supervised
by a physician. One should never abruptly stop antidepressants. Dr. Zawawi
emphasizes that starting a child on an antidepressant or other psychotropic
medication is a major decision that is based on improving the child’s quality
of life, happiness and productivity.

Mood Stabilizers

• Lithium – A salt that has
been used since the 1970s to treat bipolar disorder, particularly manic
episodes; depression while on Lithium may indicate that a higher dosage is
needed. It is important to monitor levels of Lithium (some brand names include:
Cibalith-S, Eskalith, Lithane, Lithobid, Lithonate and Lithotabs) in the blood
stream and to consult with prescribing doctors before taking any medications, including,
but not limited to, ibuprofen, antihypertensives, muscle relaxers and
diuretics.

• Anticonvulsants – Helpful
in controlling mood swings, although their main use is to prevent seizures
(some brand names include Depakote, Topamax, Tegetrol, Lamictal and
Clonazepam).

• Atypical Antipsychotics –
Used alone or in combination with mood stabilizers can be quite effective,
although it is very important to use as directed (brands include Abilify,
Navene, Risperdal, Seroquel).

Bipolar disorders in adults
are marked by wide-ranging mood swings from deep depression to unbridled mania,
but, according to Dr. Zawawi, children experience fewer “top of the world”
highs and deep troughs. Instead, bipolar children are typically irritable,
cranky and miserable, with sometimes explosive mood swings that can result in
unhappiness, difficulty in school and trouble with the law. “Mood disorders
require medication,” Zawawi says. “Lithium is the standard and has been used
for a long time, but the atypicals are gaining popularity. All mood stabilizers
must be used as directed.”

Antipsychotics

• Antipsychotics – Older
medications that effectively reduce symptoms of psychosis but can have severe
side effects and do not control mood swings (some brands include: Thorazin,
Mellaril, Haldol and Prolixin.)

Psychosis and schizophrenia
are serious conditions that cause people to experience visual and auditory
hallucinations and delusions. The side effects of some antipyschotics can be
very serious, but schizophrenic patients need to take them long term in order
to function within society. The two most serious types of side effects, although
rare, include: (1) extraperonial symptoms such as rigidity, stiffness, tremors
and tardive dyskinesia, which is uncontrollable movement of the mouth, arms and
other body parts, and (2) metabolic disorders such as diabetes, high
cholesterol and weight gain. Therefore, Dr. Zawawi warns that anyone taking
antipsychotics have regular blood sugar, lipid and liver function tests, as
well as family history screening and close supervision. Zawawi stresses that
doctors are very careful about putting children on these medications and try to
use antipsychotics for as short a time period as possible.

Psychostimulants

Psychostimulants are used in
the treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and have been the standard for many years. Zawawi
explains that these medications are not addictive and can be used into
adulthood to help patients focus and control impulsivity. Although classified
as stimulants, these medications (including Ritalin, Concerta and Adderal) have
a calming effect on patients who suffer from ADD/ADHD. Side effects may include
sleep problems and weight loss, but psychostimulants help children perform
better in school, engage in less impulsive behavior, focus on tasks, have more
positive social experiences and generally stay out of trouble. Zawawi says that
dosage and symptoms should be closely monitored and appropriately adjusted.

Anxiolytics

Many children suffer from
extreme anxiety and school phobia, which can incapacitate them socially and academically.
Medications that treat anxiety are used short term for acute panic attacks
because they can be addictive. Anxiety disorders are more frequently treated
with SSRIs and therapy, but anxiolytics such as Xanax, Librium, Atavan and
Valium can help children through especially difficult periods. Zawawi warns
that use of these medications must be closely monitored and carefully tapered
off in terms of dosage to prevent withdrawal symptoms.

Communication

Dr. Zawawi stresses that
parents must communicate with all of the physicians who treat their children
regarding prescription and over-the-counter (OTC) medications. “Parents think
that they are bothering their doctor with calls to see if it is safe to give
decongestants or cough syrup or even pain and fever relievers to their
children, but, believe me, we would rather answer your question beforehand than
have to treat serious side effects after the fact,” he says. Combining
psychotropic medications with others medicines can cause serious and even life-threatening
reactions. “Be sure to tell your family physician about any psychotropic
medications your child is taking and encourage them to contact the psychiatrist
if there are any questions,” Zawawi says. Many psychiatrists monitor a child’s
psychotropic medications for a few months and then turn administration over to
the family physician, who is more familiar with the child’s history.

In general, antibiotics and
asthma medications are safe when taken in conjunction with psychotropics,
Zawawi explains, but it is still important to report all new prescriptions to
all of your child’s doctors. Steroids and birth control pills can cause serious
medication interactions with some psychotropics, as can fever reducers and
decongestants.

Many parents do not realize
that herbal and natural supplements can cause severe interactions with
psychotropics as well. Dr. Zawawi tells parents that he respects their
decisions if they want to try the natural route to treat their children, but
herbals should not be taken in combination with any of the psychotropics. Also,
parents should not administer larger doses than suggested by the manufacturer
of natural or herbal remedies to their children. The adage, “if a little’s
good, a lot’s much better” does not apply to natural or herbal supplements.

When it comes to alcohol and
street drugs, Zawawi is very clear with his patients. He tells them if they
combine alcohol and street drugs with their prescribed medications, they can
suffer extreme sedation, excessive irritability, seizures or comas. It can
truly be a lethal combination.

School

It can be difficult to make
a decision to inform teachers, counselors and school nurses that a child is
taking psychotropic medications. There are several points to keep in mind:

• Most schools do not allow
children to carry and take medications of any kind in school. If your child
needs mid-day administration, this has to be done by the school nurse, and the
medications must be kept under lock and key in the nurse’s office.

• Teachers often spend more
waking hours with your child than you do. If they know what your child is
taking and the possible side effects or reactions, they can watch for anything
out of the ordinary and report to you and the school nurse.

• Investigate
confidentiality issues in your school system to increase your comfort level.
Having an illness does not mean that your child will be “labeled” or suffer
discrimination of any kind. There are laws that protect against this.

• Teachers can make
adaptations to accommodate your child’s condition, including reduced homework,
tutoring, modified tests, frequent visits to the nurse or rest room, the need
to eat more frequently, rest periods in the nurse’s office if overly tired,
reduced physical activity, not going outside, etc.

• Often, teachers or school
counselors were the first to pick up on your child’s condition and referred him
or her for an evaluation in the first place. They are trained to recognize
possible problems.

• Teachers can arrange for
your child to have a quiet place to go during over-stimulating activities, gym
or even lunchtime.

• Your child may be more
comfortable knowing that the teacher, nurse or counselor understands what he or
she is going through and is approachable if the child does not feel well.

• Teachers can “run
interference” if your child is struggling with a social or academic issue and
make the situation less stressful.

• Your child may be eligible
for placement in a smaller class that better meets his or her needs on a short-
or long-term basis.

Involvement

Dr. Zawawi stresses the
importance of parents being as involved as possible in their children’s
treatment, medication, school life and healing. Acknowledging that parents are
very busy and often do not have a great deal of time to spend with their children,
he says that, at the very least, parents must:

• Monitor and administer
their children’s medications

• Communicate regularly with
all professionals involved in their children’s treatment

• Spend time with their
children to observe and discuss how they are feeling, progressing, regressing,
reacting to medication and getting along in school and socially