29 September 2011

Schrödinger's Punching Bag

Odd how in the past couple of years the two minutes' hate has slowly shifted from refugees and asylum seekers to those awful disabled bastards. Difficult to say who has it worse - today's hate has to be shared with Muslims and bankers and the Greeks, but then what with the recession there's much more to go around. Also difficult to say who deserves it more - on the one hand we actually have to pay the disableds enough money to live on and even fund their wheelsticks or whatever, but on the other they do at least have the common decency to be British.

Anyway, this presents us with a problem. Victimising people just for fleeing persecution makes you seem a bit of an arsehole, but verbally abusing people for not being able to walk or see as well as you seems even worse. Yet it's obviously very important to us as a nation to keep doing it. Luckily, arseholes are full of surprises and there is a way you can do it. And it's brilliant.

ONLY HATE THE FAKE ONES

Now, even with a system so skewed against your potential victims that 20% of failed bids for asylum and 70% of fit-for-work declarations being overturned on appeal, this may still seem too limiting. But don't worry. The thing with bogus asylum seekers and faking wheelchair-people is that nobody knows who's genuine and who isn't. This effectively means they're all bogus fakers.

Now, obviously we don't mind the genuine refugees and ESA recipients sponging off the taxpayer like the lazy scroungers they are, but the idea that anyone can just waltz in acting gay or carrying a walking stick and get what they want, well, it's just not cricket. And it's not like spiteful resentment of vulnerable members of society is easy to aim. So we have to hate the whole bloody pack of them. [Edit] We don't hate the ones who are faking. We hate the ones who could be faking. The ambiguity lets us have our cake, eat it and nick theirs. [/Edit] Although we couldn't possibly hate and resent people in genuine need [pats a special-needs affectionately on the head, hugs a black man], have you ever tried nuanced scapegoating? It's fucking impossible.

Besides, what is it they say? Better kill a hundred innocents than let one guilty man get a penny in state handouts. And I've been saving this dog dirt for a really deserving letterbox.