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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Well Crump-ust has been a dismal failure. Fact. I just lost interest. I tried to get the train back on its tracks after Robin Williams’ death derailed it but my heart wasn’t in it. I like a perve as much as the next chick but I think I bit off more than I could chew with this task. I seriously can not think of 31 blokes I would elevate to Crump-ust status. (The Joker has threatened to do his own version – Whore-gust – but at this point I’m fairly sure it’s not going to happen.)

So I’m taking a moment to offer a half hearted apology to my (ahem) readers who undoubtedly are not at all surprised by my lack of commitment and enthusiasm. I should probably rename my blog “Lack of Commitment and Enthusiasm”. I’m chock-full of good intentions but life and laziness tend to get in the way. No shit Sherlock I hear you shout.

In just under three weeks we’re off to The Big Apple, NYC, the city that never sleeps and it’s finally feeling real. I never feel more alive than when I’m in the middle of a big city and there’s no city (much) bigger than New York, New York. I can almost feel it running through my veins right now. There’s a lot to do between now and then and I need to get to it… really soon… I’ll get to it, promise.

I’ve been thinking a fair bit about what makes me happy and writing is very high on the top of that list. Right after ___________ and ____________ and cooking and eating. So I really need to find my writing mojo and get stuck in. I can see some writing classes in my future; not because I don’t know how to write but because I need some external motivation or a kick in the bum.

I’m hoping The Joker and I can capture our trip in writing and/or recording (don’t put me in front of a video camera, pretty please) because just on the odd occasion we are pretty funny, well mildly amusing… Anyway, stay tuned for the Seymour and Audrey Project (working title).

Some of you may have noticed that I have missed Crump-est #9-17… if you haven’t noticed then please carry on as if nothing’s happened… well nothing did happen. Sorry, am I confusing you? You see it was the weekend and I fully planned to catch up and then Robin Williams happened and to be honest I fell into a big pool of sad at that point and didn’t have the heart.

It’s all very well to drool over a fantasy man’s chiselled abs or some other admirable physical characteristic but for me the persona Robin Williams projected was of a man with an incredibly deep well of emotion and compassion. He wasn’t just a funny man. Lots of people have said great things about him and I can’t add anything useful to that. All I know is he was special and I will miss his presence in this world very deeply and I am very grateful for the catalogue of memories he leaves us with (and I will even forgive him for What Dreams May Come).

Anyway, life is for the living and thus I resume Crump-est… I’m sure Robin would have wanted it that way. As a nod to my love of comedy I nominate someone I consider a bit of a comedy god and a very smart and talented one at that.

#18 (9) Tim Minchin

I would argue that a man’s brain is sexier than his body* (*generally speaking and with many notable exceptions) and while I find Tim reasonably attractive (given that he’s prone to wearing eyeliner and no shoes) his brain is truly orgasmic. I would do his brain in an instant (if such a thing was physically possible, which obviously it isn’t… it’d be pretty gross if it was)… anyway… my point is his brain his huge and it’s smart and cheeky and brilliant and I loves him.

When I first saw him in Good Will Hunting I was in a spin. Who was this guy? I loved every single thing about this movie and he absolutely captured my heart. When I look back at him now he seems like an absolutely baby in that film. But he has a face which is sweetness and intelligence and cheekiness personified. Like my next contestant he is in the category of Thinking Woman’s Crumpet. Would you agree?

Today’s entry is unsual in that it’s a sporting man and I generally do not like sport. But I do LOVE AFL and in particular my team the Sydney Swans. I’m possibly a little on the obsessive side when it comes to my Swannies. It started as a joke of sorts but has grown into something more “serious”… my Swans’ boyfriend. It’s a bit of a tradition… starting with my perv of choice going back to the 90s – Dale Lewis. Ever since I have picked a “favourite” when the previous one retires or, worse, changes clubs (no one mention Jesse White going to – SHOCK HORROR – Collingwood this year).

Ryan O’Keefe has been my favourite for some years now… probably taking the spot not long after he started in 2000. Anyway, he is definitely a bit white bread pretty for my tastes and not a single tattoo but he’s cute, seems nice, is into food (appeared on the first Celebrity Masterchef) and has been a wonderfully tenacious player for my Swannies for many years.

This guy was on The Graham Norton Show the other night (on repeat) which re-sparked my “interest” in him. He was so much the IT factor in The Wire; isn’t he just mesmerising? He just has some magical combination of sexiness, arrogance, humour, danger and some other intanginble thing which means I can’t take my eyes off him.

We’re still on Didn’t See This One Coming Avenue. This guy is not really my type, generally speaking… too malnourished for my liking. I fell in lust with him when I first saw Velvet Goldmine; there was just something about him and I’ve had an interest in him ever since. I think he’s a good actor and those eyes…

So I’m going to come right out of left field here… I was compiling a working list of man candy candidates and realised 31 days is a quite a lot which means I can indulge my fully eclectic tastes. I started off with four straight out of my Top 10 but now I’m going to take a meander down Wasn’t Expecting That Lane. (Keep your comments about my weirdness polite thank you.)

#5 Harvey Keitel

A fine example of the rugged man. He may have started off on the pretty side as a young man but he’s aged wonderfully and my particular fetish is for him in The Piano. What a wonderfully sensual film; amazing. The first photo set is obviously quite recent and he looks hawt (to borrow a Mumabulous term). The other two are obviously from The Piano where he had me absolutely mesmerised.