A Column for AV Guys: The Guillotine

(Next issue: A Column for AV Girls)
By Gary Kayye, CTS

I was sooo excited while watching the Super Bowl coverage earlier this month to see that someone finally, FINALLY, crossed the 4-blade razor blade barrier. The long-overdue 5-blade system has finally made its debut. The oh-hum [insert yawn here] market of the 3-blade and 4-blade systems that has dominated the shaving market with has-been gear like Gillettes Mach3Turbo and the Schick Quattro has finally been shaken up with the 5-blade Gillette Fusion. I ran out and bought one the very next day.

I couldnt wait. I rushed home, jumped in the shower and began to stroke the Fusion against my face. It was awesome so I thought. The shave was close and smooth (as the ads claimed) and, all the while, leaving my face without those pesky neck sores that those ?other archaic 3-blade systems used to do and with a shave that felt even better than the 4-Blade Quattro system I had been using. Five razor sharp blades wrapping themselves around my face.

Ahhhh.

All was awesome until the moment I stepped out of the shower and began to dry myself off. I noticed a thread from my towel seemed to be getting hooked on something that I thought was all gone: a whisker. How could that be? I just used the all-new, diamond-cut, precision-measured Fusion-Technology of the new Gillette 5-blade system. Impossible. But, it was true.

I ran over to the mirror and was stunned to see that was not one, two or even three of these protruding particles of pesky whisker, but potentially dozens or even as many as a hundred. Ugh!

I immediately jumped in my car and headed over to the University of North Carolinas Quantum Physics department and grabbed a group of students who were clustered around a titanium model of the new 53,000-seat basketball arena being built thanks to the money made from winning the 2005 NCAA basketball tournament.

But, I digress.

I explained my disappointment to them over the $9.99 all-new, diamond-cut, precision-measured Fusion-Technology of the new Gillette 5-blade system and sent them loose to come up with something that will FINALLY solve this nagging dilemma on behalf over every man who is man-enough to shave with a razor rather than one of those wimpy electric shaver systems that Santa drives around in those annual Norelco commercials we see every Christmas.