She had started
reading Jan Morris's account of her TS-ness called Conundrum. Regarding her
life as a boy, Jan Morris says...

"I
was in masquerade, my female reality, which I had no words to define, clothed
in a male pretence. Psychiatrists have often asked if this gave me a
sense of guilt, but the opposite was true. I felt that in wishing so
fervently, and so ceaselessly, to be transplanted into a girl's
body, I was aiming only at a more divine condition, an inner reconciliation...