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Tuesday, 27 August 2013

WordPress Daily Prompt: I'd Like to Thank My Cats

You are receiving an award –- either one that already exists, or a new one created just for you. What would the award be, why are you being honored, and what would you say in your acceptance speech?Photographers, artists, poets: show us VICTORY.

“Felines, what is
that sitting on the table? It looks like a golden chicken.”

“It is a golden chicken Mrs. Human, a reward for your services as official
slave to my esteemed self, Tabby my litter sister and assistant, and Fluffy,
our honourable apprentice. Not every feline slave is awarded such an honour by
the court of Bast, and you should now show your gratitude by preparing a speech
to be delivered to the local feline population. They are awaiting you wise
words outside in our territory.” And so spoke Nera the chief feline.

I took a peek through the window and was astonished to see the complete feline
population of the village sitting outside.

“But Nera, I am totally unprepared.”

“No Problem Mrs. Human, I though you would be, so I wrote it myself, you can
just read it.”

I began

“It is with pleasure that I receive the award of the golden chicken for my
constant labour to ensure that the three felines that own me are satisfied and
happy. I had a long road to take to achieve this balance of give and take, but
it seems that I have achieved the perfect result with giving and my felines
find that taking for them has been a reward worth waiting for.

It is not an easy task to become a perfect slave, fulfilling the wishes and
giving my best for the felines that adopted me. All beginnings are difficult,
but thanks to the guiding paw of Nera, my chief disciplinarian and slave
master, I have achieved perfection in my task and today receive my reward, the
Golden Chicken.”

Here I had to
pause whilst the felines clapped with their paws and meowed in approval. I then
continued.

“I would not be standing here today, were it not for the support and
encouragement of Nera, my slave driver and her team. Thanks to their guidance I
soon learned that just serving one helping of tuna fish per week does not
qualify to become a true feline slave. It is to be served at least three times
during the week. Vitamine pellets are no substitute for tuna fish, but are to
be regarded as an addition to the feline diet.

The feline tray is to be emptied regularly and no traces of the recycling
process are to be left. Feline fur should be brushed immediately from the
surfaces of their cushions. Their places of relaxation are to be revered and
treated as blessed, a quiet place for meditation and restful sleep. Their
territory is to be regarded as a sacred place, where no other felines are to
tread and it is my duty to ensure that this rule is obeyed.”

The last sentence was greeted with a few hisses amongst some of the feline
spectators, but Nera put them to order with protruding claws and threatening
gestures.

“And now it seems, after receiving this token of recognition for my eternal
duties to my three felines, the prize will now be cooked and served to all
felines present at this presentation. May Bast be with you all.”

I found it strange that an award I had received will now be taken from me and served
to the feline audience. Whilst they were tearing pieces of flesh from the bones
of the chicken I had a few words with Nera.

“Nera I do not get this. I read the speech you prepared. I cannot say I was
entirely in agreement with the words, but now all the felines in the
neighbourhood are eating my prize.”

“Mrs. Human, we are felines, you are our slave. Since when do slaves get the
breast of the chicken. There might be a wing or some of the parson’s nose left
for you, if my feline colleagues agree.”

Today I learnt something: never trust a feline when they want to give you
something. There is always a drawback somewhere.

1 comment:

About Me

Grew up in the East End of London, which means I am a cockney. After a commercial course at school and working around the city of London as shorthand-typist, I moved over to Switzerland and worked 2 years in an import export company in Zürich. Moved on to work for Robert Bosch in Solothurn and met Mr. Swiss. 2 children later and many years I am still in Switzerland. In the meanwhile worked for 30 years for a Swiss machine tool company as export clerk, am bilingual (english/German(Swiss German), speak French, Italian, Russian. Am now retired and enjoying my hobbies, photography, writingm Tai Chi and looking after 3 cats that decided to move in with me.