What if... what if I don't want to become him? Do I have a choice in the matter? I don't know what happened to me to become him. I mean, I know that my world being destroyed was a breaking point but what else was happening? What else had happened in my life to break me like that?

Then there's the fact that we've - at least as far as I know - really split our timelines when I joined the pack and fell for Vahl. I know for sure, as sure as the sun rises, that he and Vahl were never anything. Ever. Vahl's barely tolerated, and only because of Phoenix.

Like an ugly vase that you'd love to toss but your partner has serious sentimental attachments to it and there's no way you could "accidentally" break it without them knowing it was you doing it on purpose. (Sorry Vahl, if you read this.)

Maybe being with Vahl will prevent me from breaking like that. Then what? What about Phoenix? We've talked about how me getting my head on straight helps my Phoenix get his head on straight. But what if I need to crack? He's more powerful than I am. More willing to do things. Because he cracked. Because he doesn't care any more.

If I don't do that... then I might not be able to do something the things I did to help Phoenix.

Ugh. I'm pulling myself in circles.

I think I've been standing still too long and letting myself think alone in my head. Boring myself. I need to go do something.

1. Your Name:2. Are we friends?3. Do you have a crush/attracted to me?4. Would you kiss me?5. ...with tongue?6. Would you enjoy it?7. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I ask you out?8. Would you make a move on me in a movie theatre?9. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:10. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?11. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?12. If you heard a rumour about me, would you defend me?13. Do you think I'm a good person?14. Would you let me sleep with you (in the same bed)?15. Do you think I'm hot?16. Would you call me just because?17. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they don't involve you?18. If you could change anything about me, would you?19. Would you have sex with me?20. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?21. What do you like most about me (looks and/or personality)?22. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

You prefer kissing to be a meaningful, emotional experience.You don't like to kiss strangers, and you don't like to kiss someone you're mad at.A kiss can change how you feel about someone - for better or worse.You don't take anything lightly... especially kissing.

Crossing his legs, Alec sat down on his large (but no where near as big as Vahl's) fluffy bed. The apartment was empty; Phoenix had gone off to do Father-Daughter stuff with Lynn and Vahl still wasn't home yet. It still felt weird calling this place home, but it did feel like it and it felt like it much quicker than he thought it would happen. But anywhere Phoenix was always felt like home.