2017/12/07

100 POSTS - CHECK

This is my 100th post on this blog - wow! So much has changed since my first blogpost went online on 26th April 2016. Probably the biggest change was to graduate from high school and move away from my little Luxembourg to explore the big wide world. Nah, just kidding - it wasn't planned to become such a huge enterprise that I started this September, I just started going to uni which happens to be located in London. I've thought so much about what I want to write about for my 100th post since I want it to be something special that I can look back on in one year's time or so, but the more I thought about it, the less I knew what I wanted to do. So I just started writing, since I figured it would have a greater personal value for me to read later what went through my mind than to see a fancy (or not so fancy) outfit post. Don't get me wrong: I love reading and looking at outfit posts as well as publishing them myself but I still feel like a little train of thought would be of more value to me personally. Hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it!

As I look back on these one and a half years, the most striking thing for me is the huge difference in mentality and lifestyle between the country I was lucky enough to grow up in, Luxembourg, and the metropolis I now call my home, London.

Growing up in a small country does have a lot of perks indeed. As a kid and teenager, I felt very secure and protected which was partly due to my amazing family of course, but partly because when you live in a country with less than 1 mio. inhabitants (it still is officially a country of its own, kids - no confusion there, even though it's that small), you basically know everybody and everybody knows you.

The downside to it is that, since you know everybody and everybody knows you, there´s literally no room for unnoticed and undiscussed mistakes or escape of judgment. I think that´s quite a common phenomenon no matter where you go to, but I guess that in Luxembourg, the whole problem is even more condensed and present due to the country's size (or maybe that's just how I perceived it as a turbulent teenager that was growing up).

Next throwback: me being nostalgic about my long hair and high school times
Picture from my Fall Fur post, back in October 2016

Moving away from my little, protected nest - meaning what I consider to be my home country, as well as my family - and settling into a big city like London, has taught me quite a few things, up and foremost about myself, the person I am and the person I want to become.

I´ve started my first blog at the young age of 13 (I´m 21 now). It was a really shabby-looking site, but I loved it. I shared my passion for all things fashion, beauty and from time to time some more personal insights as well. So basically, nothing has changed on that front.
I´ve deleted that blog after a year, even though it was quite well-received and I loved what I was doing. The reason for it was simply that I panicked when people started to find out about it. I wasn't doing anything bad or to be ashamed of obviously, but I still was. I was embarrassed and felt like I was doing something forbidden, even though part of me knew that there was nothing wrong with it. The fact was that I was doing something that, back then, wasn't considered to be the norm and in a country where everybody is basically your neighbour, that's something very striking. Being a kid that just gets into puberty, trying to find out who it is, obviously didn't help the whole situation.

Things have changed in the meantime. Luxembourg has changed. I have changed.

Part of me regrets deleting it, but on the other hand, I understand why 13-year-old me reacted the way it did. It's no news that it was obviously a period of transition that each and everybody of us goes through at some point. Personally, I found it very hard, especially at that age, to stand up for myself and what I loved doing. I preferred to go under unrecognized and unnoticed than to fall out of the norm. And even though I am very happy and proud of my blog (growing up and surpassing the awkward teenager-phase has definitely helped with that, too), I still have some smaller issues to share my blog with people that I know up until this day.

I also get now what people mean when they talk about travelling being the best way to stay open-minded and expanding your horizon. I´ve always travelled a lot, but the action that has shown me the most how to do what I love, stand up for it and even be proud of every, oh so small achievement was moving away to a city like London where people literally don´t judge you, no matter what you do. Studying at a creative uni, you definitely learn to embrace otherness, enhance flaws and nurture what seems like crazy and unrealistic ideas to others.

I´ve been living here for about 3 months now, which, on the big scale of things, is no time, but for me, it is a huge thing. I can´t even explain the incredible amount of things I´ve learnt in this short period of time - not only on a universitarian but also on a personal and human level. I consider myself to be very lucky to have been brought up in a country like Luxembourg where a lot of opportunities are given to you, thanks to the discussable but very effective school system and the country´s financial security. Nevertheless, I consider myself just as lucky to have the possibility to study what I love, to live in such an open-minded, fun and friendly environment and to get so much support for what I'm doing and love from like-minded people.

I'll probably just finish on this note, and hopefully, take it on from here in a future train of thought. Cheers to the next 100 posts and one and a half years!