In praise of Hebrew hubbies

Despite the well-publicized antics of a few sleazy politicians, I assure you it is still safe to date Jewish men.

By MARGAUX CHETRIT

October 2, 2013 17:13

4 minute read.

Jake Gyllenhaal 370.
(photo credit: Reuters)

Behind every great Jewish man stands a woman re-affirming how great he is. Okay, typically that woman is his mother, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Jewish men are reputed to be the best husbands. Jill Zarin, of Real Housewives of New York fame explicitly writes this in her book “Secrets of a Jewish Mother”- and I trust her expertise in the field of domestic issues…The woman has made a career of being a wife, for crying out loud!

Unfortunately, however, the well-publicized extra-marital antics of a few sleazy Jewish American politicians have put a damper on this golden reputation and perhaps even turned some women off of Jewish men entirely.

I wax poetic on the merits of Jewish men to assure you, ladies, that it is still safe to date them. Very safe.

Jewish men, thanks to the time-honored religious tradition of circumcision, are in fact thought to be the safest sexual partners. Though the results are not conclusive and the debate rages on, there is a general consensus within the medical community that circumcision reduces the levels of bacteria on male genitalia, therefore reducing the risks of sexually transmitted infections significantly. As part of the demographic with the highest rate of circumcision, Jewish men by default receive the title of safest. (Better luck next time, Carlos Danger!)

That's not to say that the neurotic, anxiety-ridden Woody Allen-inspired stereotype of Jewish men embodied by your trusty doctor and accountant ever indicated otherwise.

Jewish men, in their demeanor and appearance, are traditionally non-threatening. From an evolutionary perspective, the safety and stability they exude was once exactly what women sought out in a partner… But we live in times where we demand much more of our men. Can they live up to their reputation?

With some Talmudic guidance, I think so!

The religious exegesis operates on the principle that sexual pleasure is a wife’s right and a husband’s obligation. Ketubot 48A states that a woman can demand a divorce if her husband does not make love to her in a romantic, loving and sexually pleasing way. (Amen to that, right?)

Furthermore, a husband is not permitted to badger his wife for sex; (Eruvin 100B) and according to the laws of Niddah, he must leave her alone during her period. (Cue the collective sigh.) With such gynocentric laws, I bet some skeptics could be swayed into the “God is a woman” camp.

Jewish men and women are actually made to sign a legally binding document on this matter. The Ketubah, or rather the Jewish marital contract, denotes a husband’s responsibility to provide his wife with her conjugal rights. It gets even better: the contract goes on to say that a Jewish husband is responsible for providing his wife with food and clothing. (Yes, ladies, clothing!) Men are obligated to these three terms, if they take a second wife as well; (Exodus 21:10) thus making Jewish husbands excellent ex-husbands, too.

But don’t go filing for divorce just yet… You might want to invest in your relationship because Jewish men make ideal fathers for your future offspring. As “people of the book,” by tradition, they are learned and command enough knowledge to answer the endless questions that arise in your inquisitive children’s mind promising healthily intellectual kids...Not to mention adorable ones. (Hollywood heartthrob Jake Gyllenhaal is Jewish, need I say more?)

Beyond being attentive lovers and doting dads, Jewish husbands are perfect partners. They are inherently funny. It can't be a coincidence that Jackie Mason, Jerry Seinfeld, Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen are all Jewish!

Jewish men are also respectful and patient to a fault. It's an adaptive trait developed over generations to survive the guilt of Jewish mothers. Some psychologists have diagnosed this as an acute manifestation of Stockholm Syndrome. Fortunately for us, this reverence extends to all women, and especially to the Jewish wife. She who is fortunate enough to merit the love of a Hebrew hubby is serenaded weekly by her devoted husband in a rendition of “Eshet Chayil” (woman of valor) a Shabbat prayer dedicated to the virtues of women.

Ladies, if you do the math, we are getting a pretty darn good deal here. We get great sex, shopping, security and companionship when we marry Jewish men. Perhaps it’s time we sing the praises of the Jewish husband?

Margaux Chetrit is the founder and president of Three Matches, an international dating agency. Her insights on love and sex are inspired by a career in diplomacy, a panoply of academic degrees and ex-boyfriends.

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