12 Bizarre Behaviors Belonging to the “Blogger Bunch!” (Yes, Us!)

The Blogger Bunch!

Here’s a story of a bunch of writer-folks, who’re once a strange set of girls and boys,

Growing up they had their journals and diaries, pretty much ignored all other toys.

Till the one day when these wordsmiths met WordPress, they knew they’d be just as pleased as punch,

If this group could somehow form a Blogosphere, and that’s the way they became The Blogger Bunch!

Ready? Here we go!

12 Blogging Behaviors You Might Recognize!

We excitedly register for a free online WordPress URL, spend hours (no days!) setting it up, picking a perfect theme, arranging widgets, plug-ins, clever headers, tag-lines, backgrounds, and fonts — only to realize when the blog is finished . . . we must now actually write! (Wow, some of us were those brides who registered for china patterns, ordered imprinted napkins, centerpieces, catering, picked out the perfect gown, only to realize when the wedding was finished . . . we must now actually marry!)

When tax season rolls around, we secretly fantasize all our “Wonderful Writer’s Write-Offs.” Surely our accountant will find ways to justify those long lunches in restaurants (how else do we get ideas for posts if we don’t eavesdrop on other diners?) extravagant vacations (bloggers have to experience new places in order to write about them!) and the latest computers (Duh!). Upon hearing our CPA say, “Actually only office supplies will technically qualify!” we go out and . . .

We purchase 180 boxes of paper-clips, saving all receipts.

We come up with an amazingly witty title for a topic we know will win us thousands of new followers — and then Google it, only to discover . . .

We get very depressed to see our great blogging idea has already been done. 43 times. We decide this shouldn’t really matter. Everybody!s heard that there are NO new thoughts in this wide world. We’ll simply Tweak things a bit and it will be completely original. Tweak, Tweak, Tweak . . .

Weeks later we are startled to find on the internet someone else’s post (that’s becoming a VIRAL SENSATION) which is essentially OUR tweak! We take to Twitter to announce our tweak is being savagely plagiarized. Tweet, Tweet, Tweak, Tweak . . .

We contact an attorney to see about lawsuits, because something must be done about this grave injustice. The lawyer says, “Hmmm, this will be difficult to prove. All someone had to do was read your blog, make some tweaks of their own, and voilà! A new idea has been born. But can I phone you back tomorrow? I’m knee deep in a new case about a blogger using a photographer’s pictures from Shutterfly without getting copyright releases or giving attribution. Now THAT’S a slam dunk case!”

We quickly delete every single one of the photographs from our posts in terror.

We decide to take the focus off our own website and be a Good Blogger Samaritan — so we visit other people’s blogs to interact with their words, click “Like,” leave thought-provoking comments that will surely entice them (and all their many readers!) to follow our cute little remarks (Hansel & Gretel breadcrumbs anyone?) back to our own blogs where they will instantly become ensnared enthralled. (Gotcha!!!)

When that doesn’t work, and still nobody is reading/following us, we think it cannot possibly be our writing. So we get to work changing our theme, header, tag-line, background, widgets, plug-ins, and fonts. Tweak! Tweak! And Tweet Tweet!

“Ugh. Who wants to be married anyhow??” We throw the bridal bouquet (made out of thousands of paper-clips) out to a sea of potential bloggers, raising high their eager, outstretched hands. Good luck to them! Good riddance blog.

We turn on reruns of The Brady Bunch and call it a day.

Dear Bloggers: Did I miss a common (bizarre?) behavior of yours? Leave it in the comments section so we can all follow your clever words back to your own site and become enraptured! 😉

Reblogged this on Ben's Bitter Blog and commented:
I think all of us bloggers go through this bitter though process. Stephanie Lewis from Once Upon Your Prime is one of my favorites and you should go read her blog because it is funny and bitter at the same time, unlike mine which is just bitter.

Stephanie, I wish I could think of words that start with S, but I don’t think it is a very common letter in the alphabet, so as hard as I try I can barely think of anything that starts with s to compliment you with.

“Stupendous!!” But who am I to put words in your mouth?? ;-). Thanks again for totally making my day with that nice surprise! I got a ton of new followers thanks to you. A very non bitter deed on your part!

Sometimes I wish your head had a peek-a-boo window to see where you get these ideas from. Anyway, could there be more than 12? I think you hit them all, except in this newfangled age of eeeelectronically sharing stuff, I’d leave cookies…

Ha! Most of my ideas actually come from playing too much peek-a-boo as a child. ;-). And yes I think there can be more than a dozen blogger behaviors so I might do a sequel after I interview a popcorn kernel. Priorities! 😉