Wednesday, July 2, 2008

"In this Atomic Age it is an offense to let your face droop, your muscles sag, and your skin wrinkle."

--Edith Thornton McLeod, Lady, Be Lovely (1955)

I just read about an extremely intimate new... spa? Gym? Phit, pelvic health integrated services, is due to open soon in Manhattan. Just when vaginal rejuvenation and other elective gynoplastic procedures are losing their shock value, Phit aims to turn this trend into the next hot yoga with workouts and procedures like Lip Sync and The "Other" Face Lift, aimed to restore your (other) core.

They even offer thoughtful gift packages. My, how awkward. Among services provided in the Sexercise package are six sessions with the pricelessly-named Lazy Susan which promises painless electrical stimulation for effortless Kegel workouts.

Passive exercise machines have been around in one form or another for over a hundred years. The Chi Machine is a recent incarnation, and the popularity of exercise salons that hook customers up to electrodes and let them lounge and twitch have ebbed and flowed in popularity for decades. In Phit's territory, Ben Wa balls are said to date back to at least the 16th century, and there is much to be said on the medical use of vibrators.

But if you are feeling even more passive than Susan's vagina and aren't up to a full renovation, why not skip it and instead just update the drapes:

"What grandma may have been too reticent to tell you is that we should brush pubic hair. This should be done with a small round brush of its own. Brush only the front part, gently upward, so it remains shiny, curly, and crisp-- a fitting wreath around a whirlpool of joy. Don't forget to give this outside hair the care it deserves, shampooing it weekly with a good, mild shampoo-- it is hair, isn't it?"