Opinion

Be a Mark Ruffalo, don't be an Ellen

I've said it before and I'll say it again - nothing good ever comes out of attending a football game.

This week, beloved comedian and inspiring day-dancer Ellen DeGeneres learnt as much when she found herself at the centre of an unlikely poop-storm after she, with Aussie wife Portia De Rossi, was pictured at a Dallas Cowboys match palling around in the rich-people seats with former US president George W. Bush.

The sight of DeGeneres' friendly patter with Bush, at one time the most reviled president in America's history, understandably angered many, not least of all actor John Cusack who accused the daytime TV host of "normalising mass murderers".

Addressing the backlash on her show, DeGeneres decided on a cuddly approach, highlighting the reconciliatory potential of her friendship with Bush. "Here's the thing: I'm friends with George Bush," she began. "In fact, I'm friends with a lot of people who don't share the same beliefs that I have."

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She went on to compare her friendship with Bush to her friendship with people who "wear fur". "Just because I don't agree with someone on everything, it doesn't mean that I'm not gonna be friends with them," she said. "When I say be kind to one another," she added, "I don't mean only the people that think the same way that you do. I mean be kind to everyone."

Of course, generally, that's good advice. We all have that polite, otherwise lovable, friend or acquaintance who at some point mutters some off-colour remark about abortion rights, or immigration, or Soundcloud rap. But that friend – let's call him Doug – is harmless. Doug might make you roll your eyes three hours into a tipsy Friday night with his reactionary diatribes, but he doesn't hold nor exercise the ability to, say, invade Iraq.

If you're defending a "friend" who led much of the world into a near-decade long war, ostensibly in a revenge mission on behalf of his dad and oil-money cronies; a guy who callously endorsed state-sanctioned torture and turned a blind eye to the biggest anti-war rallies since Vietnam; a guy who bungled the US's Hurricane Katrina recovery efforts to the point he was called out on live TV by (a pre-eccentric!) Kanye; not to mention someone whose "good-guy" reinvention stems from the fact he just paints dogs, it's understandable your calls to "be kind to everyone" are destined to be off-putting.

Hollywood good guy, Mark Ruffalo.Credit:Mike Windle/BAFTA LA

Hollywood's leading moral compass Mark Ruffalo argued as much in a viral response to Ellen's self-serving kumbaya missive.

"Sorry, until George W. Bush is brought to justice for the crimes of the Iraq War (including American-lead [sic] torture, Iraqi deaths and displacement, and the deep scars – emotional and otherwise – inflicted on our military that served his folly), we can't even begin to talk about kindness," the actor tweeted.

Since this is supposed to be a column about famous people and not a boredom lecture, I'll get back on topic: namely, Ellen needs new friends and, specifically, regular types. Her awkward plight indicates another reason I'd never want to be a celebrity – imagine all the buttheads you'd have to share a room with? Instead of scoffing at ol' pint-too-many Doug, you'd be regularly hobnobbing with powerful politicians and unscrupulous industry shakers.

In my line of work, I've seen how proximity to even the lamest celebrity can alter one's behaviour. I once spent hours across a table from Justin Bieber pretending to deeply ponder his remarks about hats; I once agreed with a musician who forcefully suggested Morrissey was more significant than The Beatles.

And so, I've found Ellen's uncomfortable misstep offers a useful reminder: not to "be kind to everyone", but to be a Mark Ruffalo. Hulk, smash! Weird way to end this thing, but whatever.

Clarification:an earlier version of this story contained an anecdote that was removed on the grounds of relevance.