So I think it might be mine...

So a friend of mine gives me two field box tickets for a Wednesday night Pittsburgh Pirates game (in July) at the last minute. I call around looking for somebody to go. Eventually I call my friend Christy, who is free, and off to the game we go. About a year earlier, Christy and I dated, but it didn't work out (drama with the father of her son). Had some decent sex and decided that we'd be better friends. So I take her home after the game and she invites me in to hang out for a little while. One thing leads to another and we are up in her room. While we are having sex, I notice that the condom has broken. I didn't have another and neither did she. She says "keep going, I'm on birth control", so I do. We finish, we say goodbye and I head home. A week or so later I'm talking to her and she says she's getting back together with her ex and the father of their four year old son, Steven. I am very happy for them. None of this clicked with me until two weeks ago when she posted a picture of her pregnant belly on Myspace. The caption said "Me at 27 weeks". So I decided to give her a call to ask what the chance is I might be the father. She thinks its Steven because they spent the weekend together at Steven's family's camp. I told her I wanted to know for sure. She told me she was sure the baby is Steven's and I should drop the subject. She can't give me any concrete proof. Her only reason is her and Steven are finally getting married this summer and she wants to have a real family for their children.

So my question is, how should I go about this? I just want to know if the child is mine. She has moved into a house with him (I don't know where it is) and her phone number has been changed. The only way I can contact her is through Myspace (he doesn't have Myspace).

Cliffs: Friend is pregnant and it might be mine, but she won't get a paternaty test because it might upset her fiancee (and father of their son) whom she has been wanting to get back together (and marry) so her son can have a normal family.

leave them alone, she wont fall in love with you even if you did father her kid. if she had wanted it to work out before, she would have made more of an effort, the "drama with the father of her son" was probably just a line.

If you have no problem with the issue of paying child support, you can get a court-ordered paternity test.

If you are found to be the father, she can make you pay child support.

If you say nothing and the other guy accepts the child as his, he will become the legal father and even if he finds out later its yours, he will be the one financially responsible, as far as the courts are concerned.

leave them alone, she wont fall in love with you even if you did father her kid. if she had wanted it to work out before, she would have made more of an effort, the "drama with the father of her son" was probably just a line.

get over her, and leave them alone

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IF the child is his, and he finds out years later, he can be responsible for back child support for all of those years. There are some legal issues here besides moral ones. The threadstarter needs to take those into consideration as well.

IF the child is his, and he finds out years later, he can be responsible for back child support for all of those years. There are some legal issues here besides moral ones. The threadstarter needs to take those into consideration as well.

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It might depend on where you live, but if the child has the last name and has been cared for by this other guy, which under other circumstances would be considered addoption, then there is no legal statute for the real father to pay child support or back support.

If it were me, I'd leave it alone, not because of the money issue, but because going through the paternity test will only serve to cause problems in aspects of these relationships, regardless of the results. If it were found to rightfully be the work of this other guy that she is marrying, then just because of all the moral and social issues that come up from the possibility of the kid being someone else's.

It might depend on where you live, but if the child has the last name and has been cared for by this other guy, which under other circumstances would be considered addoption, then there is no legal statute for the real father to pay child support or back support.

If it were me, I'd leave it alone, not because of the money issue, but because going through the paternity test will only serve to cause problems in aspects of these relationships, regardless of the results. If it were found to rightfully be the work of this other guy that she is marrying, then just because of all the moral and social issues that come up from the possibility of the kid being someone else's.

'Nother option: Go on Maury.

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I was not aware of them. I have seen cases where paternity wasn't established for years (my little sister was 5 when her father changed his mind and filed for paternity) and the man had to pay back child support. There was no other "father figure" involved though.

So my question is, how should I go about this? I just want to know if the child is mine. She has moved into a house with him (I don't know where it is) and her phone number has been changed. The only way I can contact her is through Myspace (he doesn't have Myspace).

Cliffs: Friend is pregnant and it might be mine, but she won't get a paternaty test because it might upset her fiancee (and father of their son) whom she has been wanting to get back together (and marry) so her son can have a normal family.

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I really have to question your motivation on this one. She believes that her fiancee is the father, you didn't want a kid when you were with her (hence the condom), she doesn't want to be with you, she isn't interested in determining that you are the father...where is the impetus for forcing her to get the paternity test done?

I'm confused...you didnt give us a timeline...when she said she was 27 wks, did that fit into when you two had sex? Also, was she really on birth control? It seems like a hell of a coincidence that with in such a small window of time she had a condom fuck up on her (but was saved by bc) and then her bc fucked up on her (allowing her to become preg w/ fiances baby).

I'm confused...you didnt give us a timeline...when she said she was 27 wks, did that fit into when you two had sex? Also, was she really on birth control? It seems like a hell of a coincidence that with in such a small window of time she had a condom fuck up on her (but was saved by bc) and then her bc fucked up on her (allowing her to become preg w/ fiances baby).

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I got out the calendar and counted back the weeks and its a possibility. There are a lot of coincidences in play here. I think its a longshot that its mine, but it kills me that I don't know for sure. Could I get over it and move on? Absolutely. Which is probably what I will do. I didn't think of the legal aspects of this and maybe letting it go is the best thing.

In response to a couple other posts, her and I are friends. I've known her since junior high school (7th grade). She's only been with her fiancee off and on for the last 3 or 4 years (we are both 26). He has trust issues and is one of those over protective guys. Even when they were broken up, he still wanted a say on who she dated because of the child. I don't want a relationship with her (other than being friends) and I'm not trying to break them up. I guess I didn't mention that earlier. I think I am just going to let it go...