Florida-speak -- Say It Like A Native

The first thing a newcomer must do to become a Floridian is to learn to talk like one.

Speaking Floridian has nothing to do with acquiring a Southern accent. People in Georgia and Alabama speak with Southern drawls. Floridians don't.

But Floridians do have a distinct vocabulary that, once mastered, will permit any immigrant to pass for someone who is Florida-born. Master this glossary and you, too, can drive a car with a license plate that says ''Native'':

A/C -- what Floridians call air conditioning. Here, it's too hot to say the whole word, so you say, ''Quick, turn on the A/C.''

Gator -- What everyone else calls an alligator. If you hear someone say, ''Hey, look at the alligator,'' you know he's from out of state.

Y'all -- an all-purpose contraction used to distinguish us from the rest of you. The word is not pronounced ''you all,'' which is how imitation Floridians say it.

Florida room -- a cement slab that passes for a back porch. It is often screened in to prevent Florida from getting inside the Florida room.

Greens -- stuff that most people cut off garden vegetables and throw away. In Florida, you either eat it or putt on it.

Florida ice -- Florida-speak for ''wet roads.''

Liquid sunshine -- chamber of commerce lingo for precipitation.

Love bugs -- Florida's answer to lightning bugs. Love bugs are like lightning bugs except they have better things to do than blink on and off.

Native wildlife -- another name for endangered species.

The Gulf -- the Gulf of Mexico, not the gas station.

The Keys -- Likewise, the Florida Keys, not the things you lock inside your car.

The West Coast -- Tampa. Everywhere else in the country, the West Coast means California. In Florida, the West Coast means Tampa.

The Cape -- The Kennedy Space Center, not a sleeveless garment worn by Zorro.

Adult community -- A nice way of saying that when you move to Florida, you should leave the kids in Iowa.

Manufactured housing -- Immobile homes.

Hurricane tracking charts -- Florida weather maps that cover the months of June through November.

Small-craft advisory -- A warning to get out the hurricane tracking charts. Palmetto bug -- A polite euphemism, coined in the 1950s by a South Florida developer, for what tourists call humongous, gigantic, tremendously huge cockroaches.

Cracker -- Somebody who got here before the rest of us. Everywhere else in the country, ''cracker'' means saltines.

I-4 Corridor -- A highway from Daytona Beach to Tampa that widens into a parking lot at Orlando.

North Florida -- South Georgia in disguise.

Central Florida -- A refugee camp for North Floridians escaping the Georgia influence and South Floridians fleeing from Hispanics.

Panhandle -- An area of Florida where you are likely to be accosted by a transient with his hand out. Located somewhere near Lake Eola Park.