You, Lord, are my armor, my strength, my courage. You, Lord, give me your sextant and compass when I am lost. You, Lord, put wind in my sails when I am dead in the water. You, Lord, calm the seas when I am near to swamped. You, Lord, are my pilot when I near the rocky shores. You, Lord, subvert the aim of my enemies’ cannons. You, Lord, are my loving God.

Hallelujah! You, Lord, took this fatherless baby to a home where your name was supreme. With a strong father and a devout and loving mother, you began the construction process of my faith.

You, Lord, when the time was right, delivered me back to my mother newly wedded to a strong father. You began to teach me new skills.

You, Lord, covered me with your armor during war’s angry battles. Yet, I became angry for the inhumanity of man upon man. Blaming you, I fought a great battle against you. How could you, a God, let man do this to himself? I fought you with all that hate could produce.

You, Lord, did, as you taught us, you turned your cheek time after time. How angry I was. How much I tried to hate you. You kept turning your cheek as I struck you at your very heart. I picked up the Bible to discredit you as some alien creature, some lie. I enlisted others who loathed you. We tore your Bible apart page by page.

You, Lord, did not strike me down with lightning, but softened my heart and defeated my hate with your love. You, Lord, did as you taught us. You lead by example. You, Lord, are my God, my savior, my loving example.

You, Lord, took me into your arms, welcoming me home. So viscously, I fought you. So lovingly, you won. Now, I see that never did I not believe in you, but was angry. I know with certainty that you love us unconditionally, but do not love some of the acts we do. Man does what man does in war…he is ordered to kill others for some abstract and felonious reason or reasons that serve his leader’s ends. Today, I stand against war until all other means are exhausted. Then…I’m still not certain we need that horrible thing to solve problems.

You, lord, defeated me that night with these words:

He said:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

(Matthew 5:3-10 NIV)

Then it was over. I had gained a great victory in defeat. I found that our God is love. I found that love can and will conquer all hate. May God pour his blessings upon you who fight him, and may you find victory in defeat as I have.