Why do people enjoy nightclubs?

Yes. Serious question.

I guess you are probably assuming I am thirty and middle aged, old fashioned, read the IKEA catalogue and bird watch in my free time. Or possibly you agree with me to some extent, but answer “we all have different ideas of what entertainment is” or “not all nightclubs are the same.”
Before I go and answer my burning question, let me assure you I am nineteen, in my first year at university – the year I am “supposed to go out and enjoy myself” – and that includes, supposedly, going out to enjoy nightclubs, heavy binge drinking, and generally chasing the opposite sex (or for some people, the same-sex). I am supposed to “let it all out” before the second and third years of my studies, where grades actually matter, since first year doesn’t count towards anything, or at least so we think.
I am your typical nightclub age, and have entered probably about 10 nightclubs, and much as I have tried, I have never enjoyed any of them (shock, horror!). I have been, and socialised (where possible), and drank with my fellow peers, and arrived home at 4 in the morning fully exhausted from the night, and had the same level of enjoyment from the club every time – None.

I enter a nightclub, expecting to enjoy it, thinking “it will be different this time”, knowing full well that every time I walk into the room I will wake up the next day with a headache (from mainly the noise since I don’t generally drink much), and pounding ears. What I see is the same every time. A gaggle of 5 or so blonde girls with heavy fake tan and exposing clothing, and at the sides of the room men leering at the women, drinking beer all the while, occasionally chatting the girls up, but usually just standing around watching. Because I see no enjoyment at being stared at by men, I usually just arrive in my jeans and bandana (my regular clothing at University) and get evilly looked at by fashion-conscious women who say, with their eyes “ew, what?” and I give them a sardonic look back, saying something like “yeah, f*** you, I don’t care how I am perceived in here.”

Nightclubs are supposedly for three things. Enjoying music, socialising with friends, and being able to stay out longer than usual owing to their late closing hours. These are the factors that are supposed to make nightclubs enjoyable, but I have to challenge all three of these.

Enjoying music – Right so nightclubs play music, but at an extremely loud and unnecessarily high volume, making conversation impossible unless you want to go to the smoking garden, get freezing cold in your not-warm clothing, and gag on the second-hand smoke of other smokers. Additionally nightclubs only play one type of music, or even one song for all I care, since they all sound the same to me (and it is usually dubstep or some current recently released Rihanna song, which I don’t enjoy either.) But even in Nightclubs that specialise in only one genre such as Rock music (this is my favourite genre and I have been to several of these clubs before) there is still the same unnecessarily loud volume, unspoken about dress code, and misogyny from testosterone-fuelled men.

Socialising with friends – Right so you have the freedom to meet many people in there, but they are usually drunk and impossible to talk to over the blaring music. The women, I have noticed, enjoy taking photos of themselves in the bathroom and posting them on Facebook. Fair enough, they want everyone to know how cool they are and what a great night they had at Slut Ville Club, but why don’t they just dress up and look pretty in their own homes, save the costs of entry, and choose the music they want to listen to at an acceptable volume? This saves them money and being leered at by men. If you are a women, and enjoy being stared at by drunk older guys, then I honestly feel intensely sorry for you.

Staying out late – this point I can understand. Whilst I am a “go to bed by midnight” sort of person, I can understand the appeal of staying up late and enjoying yourself a while longer and getting to meet more people. But there are other places to do this. The cinema, some pubs, snooker clubs and even some chip shops are open till the early hours, why not just meet people in there? And take blankets and head to the park?
Maybe I am on to something. My boyfriend, who is somehow attracted to me amongst my severe myopia and no fashion sense, also hates nightclubs. So I am not the only one.
Or maybe I am just mad and will never understand why nightclubs are enjoyable.