Ask a Guy: “Is It Pointless to Date Someone You Know You Won’t Marry?”

There are some questions about men that only a guy can answer. We asked the dudes at guyspeak.com (read more about them here), for their take on this dating conundrum:

Q: Is it pointless to date someone if you have no long term plans, and don't think the relationship could possibly go anywhere?

Gee, I don't know. Is it pointless to visit Rome if you don't intend to move there? Is it pointless to see a movie if you're not going to buy the DVD? Is it pointless to drink a really good beer when you know you'll be peeing it away within the hour?

Of course seeing this guy is not pointless. If you like the guy and have fun with him, that's reason enough to spend time with him. Who cares where it leads or doesn't lead? Tomorrow is promised to no one; you gotta get your carpe diem on, lady. Live for now, not later. Do you choose friends based on whether or not you will know them for the rest of your life? No, unless you're some kind of weirdo. The same principle applies here. Why stop hanging with someone you enjoy?

As for your "absolute definite," no, let's not pretend that is the case, because there is no such thing as an absolute definite in love. Romance is unpredictable. Anything can happen. We rarely know who we'll fall for. Love is sneaky like that. The guy's married? People get divorced. He's gay? People become straight. He's your brother? Okay, that one's an absolute definite no, although you could probably find a country somewhere in the world where you could marry. But...ew.

All I'm saying is this: don't be so sure you know what's going to happen. You don't.

Even if you do know, even if never marry the guy, it's still not pointless. He's a friend, maybe even a friend with benefits. Being with him makes you happy; is it a waste of time for you to be happy? Is it pointless to get laid? Every relationship is a practice run for the Big One. We learn a little something about life and about ourselves from everyone we date. Is that pointless? Au contraire, mon amie!

Watching reality shows—that's pointless. Pulling for the Cubs to win the World Series? Pointless. Living for today is never pointless. Enjoy the guy while he's in your life, whether it's temporary or permanent. And don't assume it's either. Don't even consider that. Just live for today and enjoy the relationships you have now.