Glasgow Old firm Use Zen and Whale Song to Chill Out!

Following recent on and off the pitch violence at the Old Firm game between Celtic and Rangers last weekend, new drastic measures have been put in place to prevent further re-occurrences at future Glasgow home ties.

Both clubs are backing a new initiative to create a calm and peaceful atmosphere at each ground. These include compulsory meditation classes for all fans prior to the big game with choices of Pilates and Yoga as alternative options. Additionally, joss sticks will be burnt at selected points around each stadium and a soundtrack of whale song will be played. Tai Chi workshops will also be available to more athletic fans. At half time, a thousand white doves will be released as a sign of peace.

Strathclyde police said â€œWe applaud these measures and will fully support their implementation. The police will also play a vital role in this new initiative by reversing our current policy on drug administration. Instead of enforcing the usual drug ban, key officers will tour the stadium at Old Firm games handing out joints and massive biftas to fans. This is hoped to make supporters â€˜turn on, tune in and drop outâ€™ induce calm and avoid further football violence. As a matter of fact, Iâ€™m about to have a toke now if youâ€™d care to join meâ€