#SonOfAPitch #TeamDiscord Entry 11: Mixey

Mixey is the story of 16-year-old BAYARD ANNISTON, son of the most famous black lesbian sex-toy-shop-owning political activist in semi-upstate New York. His new year is turned upside-down following his mom KENDRA’s regular holiday protest of their town’s all-white crèche. Kendra’s arch-nemesis LABIANCA has hatched a plot to make this year’s arrest a felony, and New York State’s new Three Strikes law has Bayard’s mom — a career arrestee —looking at life in prison.

Bayard’s life takes an even more surreal turn when LaBianca’s daughter Mercury, the audacious, feminist star of the girls’ ice hockey team, declares big hots for Bayard. If the lovebirds can’t reconcile their mothers before Kendra’s trial, third may be a base too far.

Mixey is a funny, feminist, sex-positive romp through two modern families’ stories of loyalty, revenge, secrets and the triumphs and pitfalls of first intimate relationships. It has a laugh-to-cry ratio of 163:2.

First 250 Words:

As was to be expected, Mom got arrested on Christmas Eve. But any resemblance to a normal holiday for the Anniston family ends there.

I was home supervising the turkey in the oven. Mom was more than an hour late.

At 7, the turkey timer dinged, and I got a text from Mom:

>>Bayard, can you meet me at the station w $50?

>>Long story. ATM card’s inside Eyes on the Prize,

>>vol 1. Thanks, buddy!

Hm.

Normally Reggie, Mom’s old friend and most frequent arresting officer, drives Mom home in the squad car on his way back to New Paltz after a brief arraignment in Poughkeepsie. Something definitely wasn’t going according to plan.

I glanced out the window at thick, swirling new snow. My hands were still practically stuck in shovel-grabbing pose from the two feet I cleared out last week. I sighed, because it feels so good, and grabbed the ATM card from the book.

With all my winter gear on, I looked like a cross between Iron Man and Ernest Shackleton. I heard the magic beans sound from my pocket. Probably Mom again.Dutiful Son de-gloved and checked his phone. The text was from Auntie Cheryl:

>>Favorite nephew. The roads are a frozen mess.

>>Grandpa and I are going to hit a hotel hopefully not literally.

>>Not sure we’ll be able to get through tomorrow.

>>The struggle’s real, Padawan

I stepped out into the life-size snow dome of our town. Family holiday traditions can be so much work.

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2 thoughts on “#SonOfAPitch #TeamDiscord Entry 11: Mixey”

Hi and hello! Kathy from #TeamRarity here to offer my comments. These are my opinions only, please disregard if they don’t work for your ms!

Mixey is the story of 16-year-old BAYARD ANNISTON, son of the most famous black lesbian sex-toy-shop-owning political activist in semi-upstate New York. (HA! What a fabulous mouthful!) His new year is turned upside-down following his mom KENDRA’s regular holiday protest of their town’s all-white crèche. Kendra’s arch-nemesis LABIANCA has hatched a plot to make this year’s arrest a felony,(wait…so Kendra was arrested at the protest? and Labianca wants felony charges so Kendra will go to prison? If so…oooohhhh, not nice.) and New York State’s new Three Strikes law has Bayard’s mom — a career arrestee —looking at life in prison. (This is Bayard’s story, but this para focuses on his mom and her nemesis…what does Bayard want? What is his goal? What are his fears? Who is he?)

Bayard’s life takes an even more surreal turn when LaBianca’s daughter Mercury, the audacious, feminist star of the girls’ ice hockey team, declares big hots for Bayard. If the lovebirds can’t reconcile their mothers before Kendra’s trial, third may be a base too far. (Again…this is about Mercury. What of Bayard’s POV? What does he want? What stands in his way of getting it? Does he want to date Mercury? What stops him? What does he do to reach his goal? What big choice does he face and what does he risk by choosing? I know nothing of Bayard’s story.)

Mixey is a funny, feminist, sex-positive romp through two modern families’ stories of loyalty, revenge, secrets and the triumphs and pitfalls of first intimate relationships. It has a laugh-to-cry ratio of 163:2.
This is a cute end, but doesn’t help me know Bayard, who is the mc, right? How does the loyalty, revenge, secrets, and triumphs relate to Bayard? And there are a lot of names in this query…makes my head spin a bit.

First 250 Words:
As was to be expected, Mom got arrested on Christmas Eve. (NICE OPENER!) But any resemblance to a normal holiday for the Anniston family ends there. (Ha!)

I was home supervising the turkey in the oven. Mom was more than an hour late.

At 7, the turkey timer dinged, and I got a text from Mom:

>>Bayard, can you meet me at the station w $50?

>>Long story. ATM card’s inside Eyes on the Prize,

>>vol 1. Thanks, buddy!

Hm.

Normally Reggie, Mom’s old friend and most frequent arresting officer, drives Mom home in the squad car on his way back to New Paltz after a brief arraignment in Poughkeepsie. Something definitely wasn’t going according to plan.

I glanced out the window at thick, swirling new snow. My hands were still practically stuck in shovel-grabbing pose from the two feet I cleared out last week. I sighed, because it feels so good (ms is in past tense…so, because it felt so good…what felt good, having cleared the snow?), and grabbed the ATM card from the book.

With all my winter gear on, I looked like a cross between Iron Man and Ernest Shackleton. I heard the magic beans sound from my pocket. Probably Mom again. Dutiful Son de-gloved and checked his phone. The text was from Auntie Cheryl:

>>Favorite nephew. The roads are a frozen mess.

>>Grandpa and I are going to hit a hotel hopefully not literally.

>>Not sure we’ll be able to get through tomorrow.

>>The struggle’s real, Padawan (OMG Auntie Cheryl is a hoot!)

I stepped out into the life-size snow dome of our town. Family holiday traditions can be so much work.

I love love love the voice! We have a hint at things gone wrong, we have a great set up of family life. Plenty of drama waits. Great job.
Thanks for sharing your words!

Mixey is the story of 16-year-old BAYARD ANNISTON, son of the most famous [commas] black, lesbian, sex-toy-shop-owning, political activist in semi-upstate New York [nice]. His new year is turned upside-down following his mom KENDRA’s regular holiday protest of their town’s all-white crèche. Kendra’s arch-nemesis LABIANCA has hatched a plot to make this year’s arrest a felony, and New York State’s new Three Strikes law has Bayard’s mom — a career arrestee —looking at life in prison.
Bayard’s life takes an even more surreal turn when LaBianca’s daughter [comma], Mercury[em-dash]—the audacious, feminist star of the girls’ ice hockey team [em-dash]—declares big hots for Bayard [nice]. If the lovebirds can’t reconcile their mothers before Kendra’s trial, third may be a base too far.
Mixey is a funny, feminist, sex-positive romp through two modern families’ stories of loyalty, revenge, secrets and the triumphs and pitfalls of first intimate relationships. It has a laugh-to-cry ratio of 163:2. [I’d normally say take this last part out but your voice is so awesome that I’d leave it]

First 250 Words:
As was to be expected, Mom got arrested on Christmas Eve. But any resemblance to a normal holiday for the Anniston family ends there. [OMG yes nice opening]
I was home supervising the turkey in the oven. Mom was more than an hour late.
At 7, the turkey timer dinged, and I got a text from Mom:
>>Bayard, can you meet me at the station w $50?
>>Long story. ATM card’s inside Eyes on the Prize,
>>vol 1. Thanks, buddy!
Hm.
Normally Reggie, Mom’s old friend and most frequent arresting officer, drives Mom home in the squad car on his way back to New Paltz after a brief arraignment in Poughkeepsie. Something definitely wasn’t going according to plan.
I glanced out the window at thick, swirling new snow. My hands were still practically stuck in shovel-grabbing pose from the two feet I cleared out last week. I sighed, because it feels so good, and grabbed the ATM card from the book.
With all my winter gear on, I looked like a cross between Iron Man and Ernest Shackleton. I heard the magic beans sound from my pocket. Probably Mom again. Dutiful Son de-gloved and checked his phone. The text was from Auntie Cheryl:
>>Favorite nephew. The roads are a frozen mess.
>>Grandpa and I are going to hit a hotel hopefully not literally.
>>Not sure we’ll be able to get through tomorrow.
>>The struggle’s real, Padawan
I stepped out into the life-size snow dome of our town. Family holiday traditions can be so much work.
[O
M
G
your voice. It’s brilliant. This is a great entry]