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Some background for consideration: I am a homeschool graduate, now in college. I identify (right now) as queer and trans*. I no longer practice my parents’ religion, but I grew up in a conservative-evangelical Christian community. Certain aspects of that culture have not only made it difficult for me to understand and accept myself, but also deeply harmed my relationship with my parents.

I realize that Christian/homeschooling parents may not be eager to take parenting advice from someone like me, someone who turned out very differently than my own parents expected and hoped I would, but…my parents did their best to give me a Christian education. To raise me to serve Jesus. I became who I am anyway, in spite of their efforts to control my future. I hope that parents in this culture can try hard to listen to the stories my peers are bravely sharing, so they can learn healthier ways to love and parent their kids.

Speaking as a member of the LGBT community, a child of evangelical Christians, and a homeschool grad, the best advice I can give parents struggling to come to terms with their child’s differentness is to listen without condemning. Even if it goes against what you’ve been taught. If you want to maintain a relationship with your kid, you’re going to have to learn how to let go of your expectations for them. They’re going to be who they are anyway, with or without your acceptance.

This is in no way an exhaustive list of things you can do as a Christian/homeschooling parent to actively support LGBT youth in general and your kids specifically, however they identify…just a few things that would have dramatically improved my self-image and my relationship with my parents.

When you tell us that you love us “no matter what,’’ prove it. Don’t undermine our trust by simultaneously expressing hateful views of others. If we catch you lining up at Chik-Fil-A to protest federal protection of LGBT employees or cracking transphobic jokes, we will determine that your love for us is very conditional indeed.

Treat other LGBT people in your life with kindness and respect. Make our home a safe zone for our queer friends. Stand up for us. When we’re bullied, when we’re discriminated against, when “authority” figures in our world act with arrogance and hate. Be proactive in supporting political policy, at all levels of government, that seeks to protect LGBT people from discrimination and hate crimes.

I’m really fucking sick of church–of attending, of pretending I like attending and haven’t withdrawn myself emotionally years ago, of watching everyone around me schedule their entire lives around two or three services (plus volunteering and worship team practice and Bible studies and gendered “fellowship” activities) every week, as if that’s normal. I’m looking forward to a time when Sundays are actually fun.

Until then, I’m determined to be as heretical as possible. FUCK THE POLICE. This morning, a question was posed: “Do you see the world getting better or worse?” (Had I chosen to participate in this ritual, I’d have suggested things like interfaith cooperation, community gardens, global outcry against queer persecution, innovative young scientists and inventors and composers, grassroots activism, rising standards of living, freeschools–as signs of societal progress. However, there were spies in the audience, and I decided to simply observe as an outsider while the teacher wrote the class’s answers on the whiteboard.)

The “better” side was pretty bare. “Community involvement” made the cut, nestling between the only other two indicators of an improving society–K-Love and the ability to access the Bible on one’s iPhone, heh.

The “worse” side, on the other hand, boasted a long list of the world’s increasing evils, including terrorism, immorality, accelerated crime rates, natural disasters, and tolerance.

Tolerance is making the world worse. Because as a result of the general trend of peoples’ growing acceptance of beliefs and opinions and stories and lives different from their own, they’re now more likely to listen to what you have to say, offer affirming words, and go about the business of living their own unique lives. Because people are viewing different experiences and lifestyles as less threatening, they’re contributing to a non-combative culture where they’re able to respect someone’s position without feeling compelled to adopt it themselves, and therefore aren’t converting to Christianity in appropriately high numbers.