In the spirit of /r/explainlikeimfive, here's a place to come up with the best explanation you can on topics you know nothing about. Inspired by Calvin's brilliant dad, who knew everything.

RULES (Inspired by ELI5):

Blatant speculation *only*. If you know the answer to a question, keep it to yourself! We only want the best and most creative wild guesses here. Even if you know the answer, make up something better.

Never cite sources. We're not looking for verifiable facts here. Your source should be your own crazy imagination.

Reference ELI5. Cross-posting good questions from /r/explainlikeimfive is encouraged, but if you do it, include a link back to the original question there (this will also help people who are interested in the "real" answers).

GUIDELINES:

Please begin your questions with "LIC" or "ELIC".

If you're posting a non-question, do not use "LIC" or "ELIC".

Answers can be as simple or complicated as you want, but aim for humor. The spirit of the subreddit is to have a humorous exchange of completely made-up answers to life's burning questions. Feel free to add to other people's answers, or to follow-up with more questions for clarification.

Humor is necessary, but don't be a jerk. Try to avoid especially touchy subjects in questions, or giving blatantly offensive answers.

Feel free to pose a possible answer with your own question if you have a good theory.

"It builds character" is a perfectly appropriate answer, but remember that original answers also build character.

Well you see Calvin, there are only 20 people who make Coke and each person knows only one ingredient. They each work in rooms separated by many high security vaults, gates and protected by guards and each room is connected by many conveyer belts. Each bottle/can of coke goes through every room until all the proper ingredients are in!

They actually have 23 employees. Three of them are the red herrings (which is why Coke cans are red), so the ingredients they think they are adding are really just being dumped into the sewer. That way, if someone talks to them to try to find their component ingredient, the hunt for the recipe gets thrown off track.

If I ever make a secret recipe, I'm going to have 50 people each with their own ingredient, who put it in a vat. But the vat shuffles for different people, so different peoples' ingredients might ruin the whole thing.

Everyone knows that coke (and other soft drinks) are made from mostly the same things: water, bubbles, and sugar. What makes coke different from the rest are a few special flavors.

In the factories, there are actually over 100 different special flavors, and you have to mix together a few specific ones to get the right coke flavor. Nobody in the factory knows exactly which ones are the right ones.

To actually make the coke, the workers have to each choose a flavor to mix in. Then, a guy at the end of the line tastes a sip of the new coke, and a sip of stored coke from a previous good batch. If they taste the same, then they keep that can, and if they taste different, it gets thrown away.

As we all know, drinking lots of soda leads to being fat. Being the taster is a dangerous job, because you can quickly become overweight. They have to bring in a new taster every week or two, because taste buds get less sensitive when you're obese. There are a lot of coke factories in the US, and they each go through a taster about once a week, so a lot of fat people end up unemployed. That's why we have a big obesity problem in the United States.

They have five different recepies as decoys, and produce full batches of all of them. Only one of them is the true recepie, the rest are dumped into the sewers near Soda Springs, Idaho (which is where it gets its name).

The guy who knew the secret made enough to last until the year 2027. All they do at Coke factories is put it in bottles and cans. In fact, the Pepsi challenge was a ploy to get people to drink more Coke, thus depleting their limited stock.

It IS secret- but that just means it can't be written down! All the workers at the factory study in great temples to the great god of Cola, where they must memorize the recipe for ten years. That's also why Coke and Pepsi are enemies, like the muslims vs. the christians in the soda pop world.