Tuesday, December 28, 2010

In 2008 I was in this upstate country house crying because I'd found out on Christmas Day I wasn't pregnant (again). My MIL never offered a single word of sympathy or even acknowledged it.

In 2009 I was hospitalized the day after Christmas and we prepared to have 32 week preemie twins. Other than the fact that I was released after New Year's and the twins stayed put, the best part of the holidays was staying in NYC and not having to deal with my MIL.

This year, 2010, was supposed to be mine. Our first Christmas with Grunter and Whoop Whoop. The first Christmas as a new family. Instead, I was degraded and spoken rudely to by my MIL every single day--to the point that other family members were noticing and making comments about how rude she was being to me and she really should stop.

My MIL got drunk to the point of puking on both Xmas Eve and Xmas. She was of no help the following mornings in her non-child proofed house because she was so hung over.

She was often irritated with my babies because they were crying around her. Their cousin, Luke, is 10 days older and very chilled out. All we heard were comparisons to Luke-whom she favors-to the point I almost screamed to her that my boys aren't Luke and they never will be so just Shut Up. But I held my tongue. For three days I walked around avoiding her, emotionally and mentally "checked out" in order to protect myself.

And then came the blizzard. And we were stuck there another day.

Before we left Chicken agreed that if her mother was rude to me again, she would stand up for me. She did not.

I took the stockings off the mantle this morning and packed them in my suitcase. I don't know where we will be spending the holidays next year, but it won't be there.

My boys deserve better. They are the light and joy of my life. I want more for them. I deserve better. We're thinking a nice holiday beach vacation next year. Christmas in Mexico sounds lovely. Even Christmas with my family would be great after this and that's saying ALOT.

Hope your holidays were wonderful. I can't wait to get home.

This was not the Christmas I dreamed of, but all I can do is move forward and make next year better.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A nasty little virus has been working its way around--I know some of you got bit and man, oh man, it chewed its way all through our house.

First Grunter started puking last Sunday night. He threw up again on Monday morning and then had some glorious poo all day long.

Unfortunately, Sunday night was the first night I'd gone to an adult party by myself (well, I went with a friend) since the twins were born. I came home at 10:30pm and both babies were crying which does.not.happen. in this house. Poor Chicken had a huge important business meeting the next day and could not help me out that night and let me tell you--I was pretty much up ALL night.

The nanny had finals on Monday so it was just me and two sick kids. It hadn't hit W2 full on yet, but wow, that was the roughest day in memory. Taking care of two sickies is hard, hard work.

Tuesday Grunter was feeling marginally better and W2 was puking and pooing. Thankfully that day I had some backup help.

Wednesday, I woke up yes, puking and pooing. HN and Chicken took over all day because I was completely useless. I couldn't keep any liquid down and forget about food. It took all of my energy just to get to the bathroom. I couldn't stay upright to even breast feed and there was no pumping (secretly I was happy about that part). That day made Monday seem like a walk in the park. After 24 hours I was finally able to eat something and keep it down. My milk supply plummeted and has yet to be back to normal. To top it off, the day before I got sick I had finally made it to my first full on pilates class since the twins were born so pretty much every muscle in my body was killing me. Good times.

Thursday: Oh yes, Chicken. Thankfully, she only had a single puke. But, this virus just kills you with the fatigue. We both spent most of the day in bed and had HN stay late.

By Friday, we were both starting to feel better but truthfully we could've stayed all day in bed.

We still had no appetite and very little energy.

On Saturday, I 'thought' about leaving the house, but didn't make it.

Sunday, we all finally made it out of the house. It was the first time out in four days for me and five days for the boys.

To say we were all going a bit stir crazy is putting it mildly.

Yesterday, I finally felt like my normal self again. It took five days!

Just like childbirth or sleep deprivation, there is NO way to explain how completely miserable an experience it is to be sick AND have to take care of sick kids (or just kids, period). It's horrible. I never want to do it again. And I know I will, but I hope not for awhile.

We're all good now and back to having fun. I just hope we can all stay healthy to enjoy the holidays!

Hope you are all healthy and had a better week than the house of PufferPuke.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

No, not thatcouch surfing, though sans kiddos, I'd probably be down with that.

What I'm talking about is our couch.

Since the babes have been born, there have been many times that Chicken or myself have found ourselves seeking the solace of a place to sleep far from the babies. In a one bedroom NYC apartment, the living room couch is about as far as it gets.

We've taken turns for the past 10 months--whoever needs it the most gets it. Since Chicken has returned to work, she's needed it the most. While we both need brainpower to get through the day, her brain needs to function enough to make money where mine just needs to function enough to entertain the twins and get through the day intact. Different functions for sure.

As a result, there are months where we haven't slept in the same bed!

It also made more sense for me to sleep in the bedroom since I am breastfeeding (and, I LOVE my bed!).

However, these past couple of months we've had a pattern of sleep regression from Grunter that really doesn't seem to be getting any better. (No problems with W2. Thank god our colicy baby is finally giving us a break!) Teething? Sick?

We mentioned it to our pediatrician and he said (as all other twin moms told us),

"Let him fuss it out. He needs to know that 4:30/5/5:30am is not an acceptable hour to get up. He'll learn, but you have to stick with it." (unless he's sick of course)

Oy. Then I mentioned that the crib is a mere 20 inches from my head and his reply was, "Oh. Good luck with that."

Basically they are both so aware now that it's getting impossible for me to get a good night's sleep in the same room as them. When he wakes up in the middle of the night (for whatever reason) he can smell me (the milk) and once his eyes adjust to the dark he can see me and he WANTS me.

When he starts fussing at 3am, my whole body goes into alert stage and I'm scared to move because he'll HEAR me and then he'll really wake up. My blood pressure sky rockets and I start sweating. It's quite unhealthy, I'm sure. By this point, I'm just laying there playing 'dead' waiting until it's all quiet on the baby front so I can move again. It wakes you up. Completely.

So completely that I can't remember the number of nights I've been awake since 3am or 4 am, etc, etc. It's all so very, very blurry.

Finally, after a truly heinous stint last week, Chicken suggested we pull out the sofa bed and start sleeping in the living room. I hate our sofa bed and balked saying I wouldn't get a good night's sleep. But I did it. And then I did it again, because the little stinkers slept until 6am. And I did it again and they slept til 5:30 and I did it again and they slept until almost 6:30....

If they are fussing any earlier, we aren't hearing it and while I was a little freaked out the first couple of nights because I couldn't hear every move they made, I relaxed a bit after that. We don't have a monitor and I've learned to just chill. I don't need to hear every move and every whimper. If they are really crying, I will hear that and that's the crying that matters. I have to remember that our mothers raised all of us without monitors and it was all OK.

So, we're on the 6th night now and I think this is what we're going to be doing for awhile.

We are BOTH getting the solid, elusive stretch of uninterrupted sleep that we so desperately needed and I am feeling SO much better.

Monday, December 6, 2010

At a time when it seems some babies are starting to wean....I am feeling like a giant boob ALL the time. Im thrilled that they love to breastfeed so much....but it's a little problematic that they want to do it SO much.

These days, when I walk into the room, they shriek and crawl to me. When I'm down on the ground with them, they rip at my shirt and cry until I lift it up.

I've perfected what we call "doing the goat". As I've mentioned before, now that they can crawl to me to eat, I feel like I am feeding baby goats.

Well, now I have figured out that I can sit in my Lazy Boy with one baby on my lap facing me, the other baby has now crawled over to the chair because he KNOWS it's goat time and he's not going to miss out on the booby, I lean over--while holding on to the first baby--and somehow lift up baby #2. Now I've got them both on my lap, their legs are straddling mine and they--quite literally--dive in with great gusto.

There is a lot of diving in, pulling off, examining the nipple with great concentration usually in the form of twisting, diving back on, reaching over to make sure the brother is still there, poking a finger in the brother's ear, pulling the ear, pulling the hair, slapping my chest, pulling off, looking around, smiling at me, diving back on again...

You get the idea. It is anything BUT calm, but damn it's cute!

They also know the words "goat" and "magic booby" and you don't want to say those words out loud unless you mean it!

Here we are doing the "goat". You can't even tell I'm breastfeeding, can you?

I've also started a bad habit late in the game....I've been (sometimes) nursing Whoop Whoop to sleep for his morning nap. He was having such a hard time with the standing in the crib I felt so bad for him...then came the virus last week (they are all better now, it wasn't that bad thank goodness) and now, well, um...

He likes it! I like it! He naps! I nap! It's a win-win situation.

We put them both down for their morning nap around 8:30 (yes, they are still very early morning risers) and while Grunter usually 'gets it' within 10 minutes and is fast asleep, Whoop Whoop sometimes does and sometimes doesn't.

Since I can't nap in the room with them anymore (they are too aware that I am there and just cry, cry, cry) I sometimes take a nap on the sofa. But, if W2 is crying too long, I just go in the bedroom, scoop him up and take him to bed with me.

We snuggle in, he nurses happily and if I'm lucky I nap, too.

He takes a much longer nap this way and I love that he's so content. There's nothing like a baby in your bed waking up, smiling at you with sleepy eyes and opening his mouth wide for more booby. This kid has turned into quite the boob man. He wants it all the time and I admit, I just can't say no.

They are growing up so fast and I just want to hold on to as much baby snuggly goodness as I can, any way I can.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Or rather our maniacal Whoop Whoop in the Crib....he just keeps popping up!

But, he finally figured out how to get down...two weeks later. Yes, two weeks, for every nap and almost every night time, he did not sit down/lay down on his own, but stood in his crib wailing. I think that added up to about 30 extra hours of crying. I'm not kidding.

I went in one day and he was crying while standing up, with his head on the rail, snot and tears flowing....It was the SADDEST thing I've ever seen. But when I helped him down, he just got up again. You cannot make a baby lay down who does not want to lay down.

It got so bad that the day before Thanksgiving we took him to the pediatrician's thinking maybe something was really wrong. He smiled kindly at us and told us to leave him, stop rescuing him and he would learn how to get down.

"But how long do we let him cry?"

"Well, he's not going to cry for 2 hours."

Chicken and I look at each other.

"No, but he can cry for the entire hour of nap time and refuse to lay down no matter how many times we help him. He just pops back up."

"Really? An hour? Well, I'd say he's a very smart and very stubborn little boy. You're going to have your hands full with this kid and he is going to test you. Starting now."

Boy, you aren't kidding. Both of these babies are s.t.u.b.b.o.r.n.

Until you have a baby like that, you just don't get it! Our mothers didn't. Then, they were like...oh. You weren't like that. Blame it on the donor!

He doesn't look that stubborn, does he?

In addition to the crib antics, he also had a cold he was fighting. Oh, it was bad.

We went away for Thanksgiving to BigGayDad's BigGayBF's house. We were able to catch up with a lot of family members and make ourselves crazy trying to wrangle very mobile twins in a house filled with burning fireplaces, priceless antiques and a massive amount of electrical cords. Oh, and a big dog that terrified W2. Good Times!

I managed to make a pumpkin pie which was delicious and a batch of brie/buttermilk/chive biscuits and they...well, you should never try to make biscuits "healthier" with whole wheat flour but make them as God intended with blasted white flour. And...they don't travel and reheat well. So, we basically had hockey pucks. How embarrassing.

I only got four hours of sleep that night because the guest bed in this house is the kind that ensures guests only want to stay one night. I battle so many sleep problems in my own bed (a tempurpedic, which I love) that I really dread sleeping in other's beds. My bed has spoiled me for all other beds.

We managed to time the car rides perfectly and the boys mostly slept the entire way there and back during their afternoon 'nap time' AND we didn't hit any traffic. Very grateful for that!

Unfortunately the day after we got back Grunter woke up with a fever of almost 104. It ran for 24 hours and 2 days later....Whoop Whoop got it, again for only 24 hours. Then we noticed the blisters forming on Grunter's hands and his crankiness and their general lack of appetite. Dr. Google had us suspecting, but pediatrician confirmed, we've got a case of Coxsackie Virus, the hand, foot and mouth kind. We must've gotten it from music class...it's the only place we've been with other kids.

I imagine we'll start seeing the blisters on W2 any day now....

There's nothing to do except try to make them comfortable and give them whatever they want to eat--which seems to be Greek yogurt and fruit.

All they want to do is breastfeed. One Saturday I started breastfeeding every hour at 4am. On Sunday it was 2:30am. On Monday, it started at 11:30pm. Last night, 4:15am. My nips are the sorest they've been since early newborn days. These poor babies just feel miserable and I'm so tired I'm dizzy.

We will get by. We can do this. But I'm really ready for my healthy, happy babies to be back in my arms.

Hope everyone had a great holiday. I didn't make NamBlo this time...but it wasn't for lack of topics to post! Oh, I've still got things to say!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Yesterday, we were dealing with a pretty miserable kid. But, he still managed to ham it up for the camera. He IS a super flirt!

Today, it looks like W2's cold was a 48 hour one, just like Grunter's. Much worse, but short-lived.

He woke up off and on through the night, but would fuss himself back to sleep. But his crying early this morning, 3:55 am to be exact, was a different cry, so I brought him to bed with me and nursed him.

I don't know how you co-sleepers do it, I really don't. I get NO sleep when the baby is in bed with me and never have. My back and arms and neck are all askew and I'm pretty much twisted up in pain the entire time. I LOVE it, but can't ever get comfortable all at the same time.

Anyway, he fell asleep in bed with me and I was able to put him back in his crib asleep. He slept until almost 7am when I had to wake him up because his brother had been awake since 5:30am!

Oh Grunter, you are killing me with your early morning wake ups!

I had nursed him at 6am and tried to put him back to bed as well, but that didn't go so well.

And we're up!

Good news is that Grunter seems to be A-OK so far and W2 woke up smiling and looking a lot more like his normal self.

Bad news is that he STILL hasn't figured out how to sit/lay down in his crib and all he wants to do is stand up. Oh, the partying that goes on at nap time with the two of them. I'm sure the novelty will wear off after a little while but right now, it's like Spring Break in there.

Did Whoop Whoop take a morning nap? Why no, he did not.

How about an afternoon nap. Negative.

I don't know how the kid is doing it and he wasn't even very fussy today. Thank GOD.

He fell asleep on me nursing at 5pm and I thought I'd skip dinner and bath and just put him straight to bed. But, while I was changing his diaper, his eyes popped open and he started laughing so.....we ate dinner, took a bath and went to bed as usual.

He doesn't try so hard to get up in his crib at night. I think he's so exhausted at that point he just lets me rub his back and stays down.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Poor Whoop Whoop has really caught a bad cold. About a week and 1/2 ago, Grunter had a little cough/sneeze thing going, but it was in and out within 48 hours and he never really acted that much different.

But W2, oh the poor baby. He wakes himself (and me) up all night long with the coughing and sneezing. He has a low fever (100.4-7). We've dosed him up with tylenol and tried to keep him entertained.

Mostly we have divided and conquered with Chicken taking Grunter out and about to play outside and do what they normally do, while W2, who does not feel like going out and about, stays inside with me.

Today, I did what I swore I'd never do before the age of 2: We sat in the recliner and we watched TV. Yes, I'm admitting it. We watched some cartoon movie and some Spong.ebob for an hour. Then, in the afternoon we watched some movie about a kid and his dog. He laid back against me watching the TV, very snuggly and quiet. From time to time he turned into me and nursed. Once, he almost fell asleep. It was all very sweet and I admit I enjoyed it alot.

It was so much easier than trying to engage him when he just wanted to lay there but laying there was too boring for him to enjoy. I understand why people do this.

If he feels this bad tomorrow, we will hunker down for a little TV watching again, I'm sure.

Grunter thinks he's died and gone to heaven. Man, that screen is addictive.

There has been a few episodes of vomiting as well. And we haven't had time to do laundry. I knew how bad it had gotten when I realized I didn't have any pj bottoms and found myself pulling things out of the basket saying, "Does this have vomit on it?" I decided that it was truly dirty if it had been vomited on. If not, back on they went.

Whew, sick kids are hard ya'll. This parenting thing is no joke. But this weekend, while hard, was actually good. I really enjoyed spending 100% one-on-one time with Whoop Whoop, even if he was vomiting on me. And to see the look on Grunter's face when he walked in the door and saw me was awesome. They are the best. Hard, but the best.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

I said a little prayer this morning when the crying started at 3:30am, then 4:30am and then they were up for the day at 5:30am.

Deep breath. Today is going to be a better day.

I have the names and numbers of two shrinks. The funny (not funny ha ha) thing is that when I thought about getting some help earlier this summer, I contacted a friend who sent me references. These were therapists who all specialized in PPD. I called 3 or 4 of them who were within reasonable commuting distance for me.

Not ONE of them ever called me back and I called some of them multiple times.

Right about this time, HN started and I was able to get some more sleep. The more sleep I had, the better I felt and soon I didn't feel like I was slipping down the slope at all.

The past 2 months we've been in a sleep regression. As in waking up at 4:30-5am. I nap when I can, but the accumulation is wearing on me.

I think this past week, with Grunter waking up super early (it's always Grunter) and Whoop Whoop crying all through his naps and not sleeping most of the time....something in me snapped. Because when I can't get enough sleep, simple things in life become oh-so-challenging. I never knew I would be so delicate from the effects of sleep deprivation, but I am.

It's Day 6 of the standing up in the crib. Whoop Whoop still hasn't figured out how to get down.

This is what I posted on the Twins Forum:

We have standing play toys he has been using for a couple of weeks, but he can't sit down at those either. Everyday we 'practice' with him, but he's just too scared to let go (both at the toys and at his crib).

The other afternoon I went in 15 times in their hour nap. He never stayed down, popped right by up by the time I got to the door and was crying again. Another time, I tried to let him CIO, thinking he's going to have to 'get it'. He cried for the hour standing up. Another time he almost fell asleep standing up at the rail but was still softly crying. I've stayed at the crib trying to rub his back and get him sleepy. Sometimes this works, other days it doesn't work. One afternoon I nursed him back to sleep.Another morning, I tried to nurse him back to sleep--but it didn't work. Another morning I rubbed his back until he went back to sleep completely.

Sometimes he and his brother just stand in their cribs facing each other (the cribs are in an L shape) and yell/play/cry together and no one naps. Sometimes his brother lays down and sleeps through the entire thing.

So far, no answers. Just someone who offered me a pack n play to separate them. That doesn't help! We have no where to put it! (It was a nice offer, though)

Today, we have let W2 CIO for 30 minutes and then Chicken has gone in to rub his back until he goes to sleep. With me, he just lunges for my boobs. He does not sit / lay back down on his own. Ever.

To top it off, he woke up this morning coughing and sneezing with a runny nose.

Tonight, my wonderful wife is cooking me a filet mignon with a red wine mushroom sauce, mashed potatoes with leeks and sauteed spinach with garlic. She is the best. I am going to have a nice glass of wine on the side, skip my last pump and go to bed early (and hope my boobs make it through the night without clogging).

Tomorrow I will wake up (but hopefully not at 4:30am), breathe deep and say a little prayer before facing another day.

My biggest fear is to tell someone how I really feel because then they will know that I am really a monster with horrible thoughts.

I guess that's why it's called depression. There is this big, black hole and I am sliding down the edges.

Chicken asked me if I would think about weaning because that would 'give me a break'. Right now my day revolves around pumping and breastfeeding. There are only small opportunities for breaks in between.

But I really don't want to stop. I am finding so much that is overwhelming right now, but when I feed these boys....life is good. It's easy to feed them one on one. It's the best part of my days. I know they love me and that I am making them happy at that moment. The other moments could be filled with tears and crying and whining and more crying and yes, smiles and laughter, too. But when I'm holding them in my arms and giving them comfort from my body, I am at peace. I don't want that taken away, even it if means I would finally get a 'day off'. Right now, I need that just as much as they do.

Today a new reader commented on this post I'd written years ago. It was actually perfect timing to read it over today. I found myself thinking, "well at least I can do better than my mom", but my god, the bar is LOW.

I long to have children that love me. I want them to have the best childhood memories, full of cuddles and kisses and TRUST. I had none of that. Surely I can do this. I must kiss them a hundred times a day. I want to hold them tight and protect them from everyone.

I feel like a train wreck. Everything was so good last weekend and had been for a long time. This week everything went to hell and I'm not handling life's curveball.

Motherhood is so very, very hard.

I don't know if I can blog about this. I'm feeling very raw and exposed just writing this much.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Whoop Whoop is crazy from the standing and I am crazy from the crying. Grunter went through the same thing a month or so ago, but I don't remember it being quite this bad.

The morning nap isn't SO bad, but the afternoon nap is wretched. He stands up in the crib and then he just can't get back down. I keep practicing with him, but he hasn't gotten it yet.

I want to go back in and help him, but the day I did that too soon, Grunter wasn't asleep yet. Well, once Grunter saw me they both started wailing and I'm now trying to comfort both of them. It was complete chaos and tears. That day neither of them napped. I've never had a day like that.

Today, I waited until I couldn't hear Grunter anymore and went in to help W2 down. By the time I got to the door, he was standing back up again. Back I go, show him how to get back down, rub his back, try to calm him down and....same thing.

This is normally the time I use to pump and eat lunch. That didn't happen today. I stood at the door, peeking through the crack and every time W2 would get up, I'd go back in and repeat.

After 15 times and over 45 minutes with his cries now a "10", I knew he wasn't going to "get it". Not today. Not this nap. I nursed him to sleep and put him back to bed sleeping.

He had to get some sleep and this was the only way, but I need him to figure out how to get down, not how to get me to nurse him to sleep!

Luckily, Grunter, who is inches away from his brother's head, slept through the entire thing. Which is why I tell mother's of twins....keep your kids sleeping in the same room--they WILL learn to sleep through each other crying! It's amazing!

I just don't know what to do or how long this is going to take. Any advice from those who are dealing/have dealt with this??

I don't remember it being this bad or taking this long with Grunter, but maybe it did and I'm blocking it out because it was that bad. All I know is that Chicken, who was on a conference call (in the hallway as there was nowhere to go in the apartment!), heard how bad it was and offered to take them out for an hour after they woke up. She is such an amazing mamma and partner to me.

I just sat on the bed and cried after she left. These are the days that I feel like such a failure as a mother. I get very overwhelmed on afternoons such as these and just wonder what the hell I'm doing. Being a stay at home mom is the best thing on earth, but my god, I had NO idea how hard raising twins was going to be--especially going through the sucky stuff like this, TWICE.

I'm so thankful for all the good days we've been having and just keep taking deep breaths and reminding myself that tomorrow is a new day.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Chicken and I agree that we have had the best weekend with our babies that we can remember--it's been so much fun. They are amazing and hilarious and I just want to eat them up.

We both woke up well-rested and after fueling up with caffeine and breakfast, we buzzed around prepping dinner and playing with the babies. The twins took an incredibly long morning nap, prompting me to suggest we go to Central Park Zoo for the afternoon.

It was very spur of the moment, but I figured let's do it. I am always a bit hesitant to 'mess' with their schedule, but at the same time I want them to be adaptable.

We threw things together and got out the door in record time at 11am.

Last month we had decided that if we were going to get out of our neighborhood, two single strollers were needed. Yes, I bought before I blogged. But, I have no regrets. These strollers are lightweight, reasonably priced ($50) and collapse with one hand. However, the photo showed a brown stroller with beige polka dots. In reality, they are pink. Hmmm....it's very light pink. We figured it would cost so much to send them back, who cares? My boys are sitting on pink polka dots and I could care less. I hate all this business about colors only being for boys or girls.

Anyway, the single strollers have allowed us to get on any subway we need. Yes, it's easier with an elevator and I still seek that out, but I have learned how to do the city-stroller-lift. It's hard to go up and down multiple flights of stairs carrying a stroller with a 20 lb baby in it! Luckily, in every single station some kind stranger would offer to help us. Who says NYer's aren't friendly?!

On the subway!

The day was gorgeous--again--and we walked through Central Park and on to the Zoo.

So crazy to see people ice skating with fall foliage and no jackets on!

We even saw Spiderman climbing the rocks!

We fed the boys lunch outdoors in their stroller--a first--and it went very well (so much easier now that we can feed some finger foods).

I also breastfed them on a bench. This I was a little worried about because they are so easily distracted these days, but it went perfectly. They could've cared less about the Zoo, but we had a good time and they were perfect little angels.

I had hoped they would fall asleep in the stroller at 'nap time' and while Grunter did indeed take a little nap, W2 would get soooo close and then wake up again.

However, they both muscled their way through the entire day (4 hours, door to door) with no tears, no meltdowns and for W2, no nap.

They were both getting a little crazy by dinnertime and we didn't want to push our luck, so it was a 5:30 bedtime. Whoop Whoop had bad timing and in addition to being SO overly tired he was having a hard time going to sleep. So, he decided to make tonight the first night to stand up in his crib and you know what that means? He couldn't get down! Oh the crying!

I rescued him and nursed him to sleep. Poor baby, he deserved it.

We went through the standing up in the crib thing with Grunter last month, so at least I'm prepared for how this is going to go!

I ended the weekend by treating myself to an hour long massage at the Chinese Bodywork Center. Oh...those ladies have some magic hands.

We wish every weekend could be this wonderful! I can't wait to take the boys to the Park and Zoo in the Springtime. It's going to be SO much FUN!!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Last night HN worked late and we were able to go meet some good friends for a nice dinner. Chicken had a big fat birthday gift certificate here and we ate it all up. We hadn't seen this couple since the twins were about 2 months old--it had been a LONG time! I just love reconnecting with old friends (and seeing movie stars--we spotted Mary Louise Parker of Weeds dining al fresco in the WV. She looked distraught.)

The weather here has been unseasonably warm and we walked to dinner and back-about 40 minutes each way. It seemed a bit silly to pay for a sitter to walk around, but oh, it was so nice to enjoy the warm night air and remember how alive this city is on a Friday night.

Anytime I get dressed up (and showered!) to go out at night, one of my first thoughts when I step out is "no one knows I'm a mother of twins". I don't exactly know why I think that. Maybe it's because that's what seems to define me these days and anytime I'm out, I'm pushing a double stroller.

I guess I feel like I'm tricking people, by just looking like a normal lady out for the night. It makes me feel a little sneaky. I like it.

Today, we had a whole family of visitors come--Chicken's dad, Gaybro, Brother, SIL and their baby (who is 2 weeks older than the twins). The house was full of love and laughter and I had a glimpse to how it must be to live in a big family--chaotic, but wonderful at the same time.

We walked in the parks, took the boys on the swings, played with toys. They all got to see what it's like raising a baby in Manhattan and they were impressed and envious with all of the baby-friendly parks and options in our neighborhood. I think they might come down more often now. We hope so. It was one of the best family days we've ever had and I would love for them to make it a once a month outing (except for the Gaybro who lives in Paris, of course).

We really want our boys to spend quality time with family and get to know their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It's days like this that make us think about buying a house in a progressive upstate town and just being close to family. This idea comes and goes. For now, we're here and very happy. I cannot predict the future. Anything could happen!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Let me just start off by saying that I think people who comment anonymously are complete pussies.

So when 'anonymous' said:

"I can dig the vegan thing, the travel to the south America thing with brand new babies, the rant about: inlaws, long drives, nipple pain, republicans, etc. I cannot climb on board for the funk train. Please quick shower everyday is a good thing."

Well, you can imagine how offended I was that she/he thought thinks I'm a.... VEGAN?! You can call me a dirty, funky hippie, but a VEGAN?

Seriously? Bacon is probably one of my favorite food groups. I eat steak once a week without fail. Loved Argentina where I could eat filet mignon every stinking day because that's what they do!

Speaking of Argentina...the babies were four months old! They were not 'brand new babies'. I have a friend who took her 6 week old to South East Asia for 6 weeks. Now that's a brand new baby. But four months? Golden age of traveling with babies. We polled the twin moms group and asked our pediatrician. They all said "go for it".

Also: (a) Argentina is not the same as 'South America'. It's not like we were taking our babies to Bolivia, one of the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. We traveled to a country very much like our own except that Argentinians LOVE babies and you are given first-class treatment as a mother. (b) Lots of people travel with babies and have a very good time. Seriously. Children are amazingly adaptable.

We travel and we'll be traveling again and you'll probably disagree with the plans we've got coming up, but that's OK.

But really, no one is making you read this blog. You see, the thing about this blog is that it's mine. It's my place to say what I want to say and how I want to say it.

If I choose to rant about my in-laws here, well, it's much better than actually blowing up in person at my in-laws. And if I write about a long drive (that I have to take because of the in-laws)...again, my blog!

Nipple pain? Such a huge part of motherhood for me that no one told me about. I wish someone else had blogged about it so I was more prepared for just how hard breast feeding would be.

Republicans. Really, I rant about Republicans? I mean, I'm not one and I don't agree with most of their policies but I'm actually socially liberal, fiscally conservative. And, uh, yeah....my blog! If I want to rant about Republicans, I will. But I usually don't.

But see, here's the thing: I read so many blogs about Motherhood and while I might not agree with many of the ways people might go about something--in the end it's their kid, their style, their life.

I don't need an anonymous blogger to make me feel bad for not showering everyday. And I don't think any new mother, especially in the first year and MOST especially with twins should be made to feel bad for not choosing that shower over a nap or a meal or even cleaning the kitchen (it has to be done at some point).

Parenting Magazine even agrees with me:

An article in the November issue of Parenting magazine suggests that stressed mothers need not shower daily, stating reassuringly: "The air is drier in the winter - which means you need your skin's natural lubricants."

Anonymous, you have obviously been reading my blog for a long time and keeping tabs on my life. But, I won't miss you if you go.

Meet Your Blogger

Pufferfish (43) and Chicken (35), live in NYC with our 2.5 year old twin boys. We travel every chance we can and currently are gearing up for a year long travel adventure starting Fall 2013.
I own all photos and words on these pages. If you wish to use my photos or blog posts, please contact me first and you must credit and link back to this blog.