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When I am on this forum some people really sound like "pop your pills each day, your bloodworks regularly, live a normal life and you'll be fine for a long life"

Is that the new face of hiv? I can't believe it.

What's so weird about that? To indicate that's the basic game plan is a big improvement, Zeb. You should have heard what everyone was saying and thinking in 1989. If you mean to say that there is so much more baggage and stuff to deal with then I'd agree there is much more in the way a need of emotional support systems, buddies and certainly trials and tribulations that can't be forseen. Is that what is meant or implied?

Help me out here, J.R.E.

By the way, Zeb, those are admirable goals to fulfill --> "No, I'm gonna reach out and I'm going to try to learn much about this disease.And i wanna talk to realistic and optimistic people to learn from."

If in basic: popping your pills each day, live a normal life style and having a regular check up is the way to make it to the Golden Years then it is of course a big improvement.

But as a rookie I still can remember the images of young men covered with KS...And I still am programmed with the message "Hey dude, the pills are only delaying your execution... So eventually you'll die of aids..."

That's why it sounds so wierd to me. I hear different things. But the main direction is: the pills work and you'll be around some time....Still it's so wierd, so unreal...

Don't forget that for some of us, perhaps more than the group is comfortable admitting, those pills are too toxic, or don't work. Or, in a decade or two of taking them, we have burned through the available options and are waiting for the next thing to drop from the sky.

And of course, there are those struggling with OIs, cancers which might be attributed to long-term exposure to the drugs like AZT, and other complications that do not fit neatly on a pill bottle.

Notwithstanding the people who look GREAT on paper, with excellent numbers... but are so disfigured by lipo or in such pain from PN or experience sudden, uncontrolled and violent diarrhea that they are prisoners in their homes.

Thing is, the meds are amazing. They have kept many of us alive far longer than anyone would have hoped or guessed.

But to pretend that this has become a non-impactful disease is the domain of the naive and the ignorant.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I try so hard to keep a 'positive' outlook. I know my meds are my lifesavers but every time I take them I hate them. I resent bitterly the side effects of one stupid unprotected fuck coming back to bite me on the ass each day. I hope one day it'll just be 'hey,drug time' and I'm getting there, but I didn't realise just how much anger I still have til I read this thread. My nicknames 'tigger' and thats how I feel..bounce up,bounce down,constantly. Seeing someone else come to the place where I want to be helps..thanks

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I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Clear! There's no other option than popping the pills. And that they keep us alive is good!But what i'm trying to say is this: Some people present having hiv as a matter of pills and a long lifespan.

I hope so, but for me as a rookie it feels so unreal. It feels so unreal that I (now 38 yrs old) have to save money for my Golden Years. That fels so wierd... Beacuase on the other hand I'm still freaking out and scared of death. 'Death' still feels as the synonym of 'hiv' to me.

In time you'll adapt to the thought that having HIV is no longer a quick death sentence for most. It will become less and less a "weird" feeling and more and more simply the new reality you live with. At least it has for me.

I can't allow myself the luxury of dwelling on that part tho or I will put myself into depression and despair. Negative thinking is soul-destroying for me. Since Iíve done enough of that in my life, itís not the way I want to live.

After 18 years of living with this, I consider any day I wake up alive to be a bonus day Ė a gift when it comes right down to it.

Zeb, for you, and for many, it is as simple as you want to make it or as difficult and incomprehensible, unmanageable as you can dream up... Do yourself a favor - keep close to the surface. What has happened to some may not be in your cards, so don't read this as something you will have to clearly and unilaterally have to go through... Weird? sure...

No, I'm gonna reach out and i'm going to try to learn much about this disease.And i wanna talk to realistic and optimistic people to learn from.

Hey Zeb,

I think this is an intelligent approach. I'm no expert, but I've learned a lot by seeking out those who exemplify what I want out of my own life. Definitely important to surround yourself with as many optimistic and realistic people as possible.

There are lots of people here like that. I do understand your statements about pop a pill and you'll be fine etc. I was initially told that repeatedly. That sort of answer didn't help me either.

Just keep plugging away and you will find a LOT of good support with that approach. I believe being informed is essential.

Got questions, ask away! You're bound to hear a variety of answers and opinions. Take what ya need and leave the rest!

Heres the thing some people are LTNP and most arent but you see there is different stages of health on this website. In the 80's there was no hope for a lot of people, 25 yrs later and the technology is better meds are better in some sense however you can see some people with OI's on here KS is still around there are many conditions that exist.

Dont forget some types of cancer are easier to get regardless of HAART. I have had 2 types of cancer in 1 years time frame. I always hear about someone from a forum member about someone with AIDS that died of something recently. 2 people within 3 mos died in my small HIV support group of about 10 people average 2005. One of cancer of of a heart attack.

If you want to think of reality pills are not a cure but only a means to suppress the virus. Theres no vaccine yet I doubt there will be a cure, but thats me.There are people out there that wil die becuase of things like Crystal, some people cant get meds some people arent adherant at all.you just dont hear about them a lot.

My reality is I hate pills but I take them becuase of other conditions deterioting my immune system. I am healthy though I exercise I do things outside my treatment. I quit smoking and dont drink (becuase I want my liver to stay healthy).

There are little reminders especially when you start meds that you are HIV+ but you dont have to live you're life in the negative there is do much to do even now. I made a choice shortly after I was diagnosed to live life to the fullest.

Of course you dont need to think of HIV as a death sentence some people attribute it to diabetes in terms of chronicness. Why worry about dying when you can try to live out you're dreams while you still have time? Of course there are things you cant control and never know when you're time is up but you dont have to think HIV/AIDS will be the way you die.

Zeb----having HIV is just one of the things most of us have to struggle with in a day. Hopefully we all get better at coping. HIV (diagnosed December 11, 2006) basically raised the learning curve for me. Just one more thing in life that was not in my control and either I learn to deal with it or I don't--that is the only thing over which I have some control. Somebody mentioned "Carpe Diem" on another thread as the dictate for living with HIV, or words to that effect. That is advice to take to heart as far as I am concerned. I've had to learn to become more mindful of the moment, to accept what is, and to breathe and let go of the things I can't control. The good news is that even when it is not smooth sailing (I battled with acute hep B and a nasty OI for most of last year.) we can learn to thrive and not just survive.And one more thing---it makes all the difference in the world not to go it alone. The forums have made a huge difference in my life.