Tuesday, September 20, 2011

"The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be listed at Open Adoption Bloggersto participate or even be in a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table. The prompts are meant to be starting points--please feel free to adapt or expand on them."

I don't write with the prompts very often...I am not a gifted writer, per say, and always feel like I can't get my feelings accurately portrayed with my writing--well that and the simple fact that blogging is not my first priority even though I wish I had more time to do it.

"I thought it could be fun to do an open mic style roundtable. Our group is growing and a lot of us haven't "met" each other yet. So point us to a favorite post on your blog. It doesn't even need to be about adoption. And tell us a little bit about why you picked the one you did."

This should have been an easy one...just go through and find my favorite post. Whoa, time, life, and all of that kind of got in the way. As I started to aimlessly look through my past posts, I stumbled upon this post written while we were in the process of waiting to be chosen to adopt our second child. It reminded me so much of where we were, how far we have come, and how much further we have to go. Open adoption is an ever evolving process and I hope anyone involved in any situation continues to have hope and never gives up when things are not going as they thought they should be. This post made me cry--even 3 years after the fact. I'm sure there's another one I might love more, but this was the start of my foundation. My reminder of my life with three adopted children--all open adoptions--all completely different--all in my heart each and every single day, every minute, every hour. Wishing that things didn't always need to be so complicated, so confusing, and so far from simple--and perfect.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Today was my son's first official day of kindergarten. He has been quite intrigued with school and riding the bus to get to school, although last week he did mention that he was a little bit scared to ride the bus by himself. He is my first of three children going off to kindergarten--so it has been equally emotionally interesting for me too. It has been a long year of great accomplishments for him. (He jumps into a pool now after being terrified of the water. He has been in gymnastics and has advanced to the next group, I am really behind on posts....) Did I mention that this was the first time he went somewhere on a bus without either Craig or me being with him? He was tested last year (and the year before and the year before that with emerging scores putting him on the border for qualifying for help) for a multitude of delays. Jakob is developmentally delayed in his motor skills, receptive language, expressive language, and has sensory sensitivities--so it didn't surprise me when one of the first things he told me about school was that the bell was very loud, and that he heard the storm whistles blowing, and that there was a boy who was taller than "Nate", a very tall friend of his from preschool last year--I was amazed he remembered Nate's name since they have moved and we haven't seen them since school let out last year. I was happy he didn't bite anyone at school--since he bit his sister twice before going (probably anxious) and even happier that the teacher remembered to just tell him to go to the bathroom rather than wait for him to ask. (He wet his pants the first three classes of preschool last year because he was afraid to go. He still tells us he is going to go while at home!) I was amazed that he remembered his room number and his teacher's name! He also said there were no other kids named Jakob in his class, but that there was a Jada! I think the girl's name is actually Jade, but he remembered a name! We got a new pair of shoes for him yesterday that light up and I think that helped him make it through day. All these little things that I would have taken for granted. I decided to take some photos before lunch since I didn't want anything to feel rushed and I'm so happy I did. Before we went outside to wait for the bus I just rocked him one more time--and maybe cried a little--okay, maybe a lot--and he just smiled at me. And Jada said it would be okay. The kids ran around outside and then the bus came, I gave him a hug and a kiss, we crossed the street, I took a couple of photos, he got on the bus and sat down, and just like that, he was off to school. And then, Jada freaked out. She started wailing, "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone." Crying and screaming and wanting to tell him something. My poor poor Jada. I kept telling her that he was coming back after school was over. I think she may have thought that he was gone forever. Both girls were able to actually fall asleep and take a little nap. Good for all of our souls after an emotionally rough morning. We all walked to pick up Jakob at the bus stop. The driver almost left without letting the kinder kids off the bus! I said give me a thumbs up if you liked it--no thumbs up. haha! He said he had fun playing with the kids. When we got back to the house, he went straight for his NUNU and the thumb went in the mouth. We were going to go out to dinner to celebrate and he asked if dad could just go pick up food and eat at home. Lots of decompression needed. We got outside for a little while but spent most the night vegging out to a movie. I peeked in on him in bed and he looked like he was going to cry. I asked him what was wrong and he said he loved me. He said he liked being with me. And then asked if he had to go back to school tomorrow. I said, "yes, but it's just for part of the day." He said, "It was a very long time today." I am so happy that he is expressing his feelings more--verbally. I am so happy we are only 1/2 day kindergarten in the afternoon so we don't have to stress and rush around in the morning. We'll see how tomorrow goes....I'm happy it's a short school week! I am so proud of his accomplishments. He is small, he is quiet (at least when he is not at home), he is a kid who tries as hard as he can, he is smart. He may not be able to express himself like other kids his age, but I feel like I know just what he needs and when he needs it. I will continue to encourage him with all of his new adventures and try to challenge him without pushing him too far too quickly. And let him be Jakob. And let him suck his thumb at home. And let him wear his light up shoes all night, on the couch. Did I forget to mention that his choice of take out food was McDonald's? The kid ate a cheeseburger and three chicken nuggets for dinner. If you knew Jakob, you would know he must have been hungry! That's like a whole day's intake for him--and he usually doesn't eat meat! He will probably be sick tomorrow!

:0) Maybe I will have more time to blog if the girls nap while Jakob is in school. You know, cause getting the house clean and organized seems kind of daunting........

Capturing all their personalities.

One of my favorites! Little Jenay is not so little anymore!

Jada could not stand still for even one second. I think her anxiety for Jakob leaving was at an all time high!