"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth...Flooded by emotion, overcome by pride, the Starmaker turns to us, one by one, and says, 'You are my child. I love you dearly.'" Max Lucado, God Thinks You're Wonderful

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Please pray

Last week I took Sadie to have her 6 months pictures taken.

Sadly, I hadn't taken her to a professional photographer before...so I splurged on this (you know it's still super frugal, it just wasn't in the mall).

We had so much fun. It sure was nice knowing how much Libby loves our kids and to see how she handled Miss Sadie with love was incredible and enjoyable.

Missy decided she was going to make Libby work for a smile!

You know how she does...just takes it all in with those big beautiful brown eyes. Well that was how she felt this day...but again Libby managed to capture Sadie's incredible spirit and personality.

I decided that since this is my first daughter, I needed some special mother-daughter pictures!

I get teary when I think of how special these are now and will forever be for me and my sweet baby girl. But I also know how they will be special for Momma G to see how much Sadie is loved and enjoyed.

Okay, on to the prayer part and why you are just now seeing these.

I have had these pictures for a while and have struggled to post them on the blog because a dear friend of mine just lost her daughter that they were adopting. I know she doesn't want me to feel guilt, but I think every friend of Kim's is grieving right now and this is what I am experiencing, guilt.

Kim's story is tragic, as are all failed adoptions, but their family has experienced more than their fair share of tragedy in the last few years and I have to be honest that I have found myself quite angry about this too.

I am not an angry person, so I know that with prayer my anger will pass.

But for now, I am using that anger to spur on change (or spur on others to spur on change).

When my sister, Becki (the attorney sister), called to tell me about Kim, I had about had enough.

This is the second of my friends in the last month that have had adoptions fall through, almost the exact same situation.

You know I don't like to talk poorly about domestic adoption. It's the only thing Blake and I will ever do. We love it and are addicted to the journey of adoption.

But I do feel like the Oklahoma Law doesn't do a great amount to protect the adoptive parents when it comes to how the relinquishment is done.

For those of you that are not familiar with the law it is that birth mothers cannot relinquish rights until 48 hours after the birth of the child and it has to be done in front of a judge. Getting this court date scheduled cantake 2 -3 weeks (as it was for all 3 of our kids). That leaves a lot of time to re-think your decision, which can be good and bad.

In Texas (and some other states) the relinquishment also has to be after 48 hours but can be done in the hospital by the state or an adoption agency.

So I asked Becki....

"Is it crazy to think we (and by we, I mean you) could change our law to be like the state of Texas?"

Becki said no it's not a crazy thought and immediately got to work on this.

She has researched and re-written the law to look more like some other states and is trying to get support to get it changed.

Now, I don't understand the lingo of what has to happen and who has to approve it, but I am very excited and I have great hope for this change.

She doesn't expect for it to be approved in June, but hopes it will be passed in November.

I am praying she is wrong and it will get passed in June.

Could you pray that if this is in the best interest of all parties involved, that it will go through?

My fear is that people are going to no longer be open to domestic adoption in OK because of the risks involved. I mean, this is not good PR for adopting in Oklahoma guys!

In saying that, I want to be clear that I only want this to pass if it also helps birth mothers make the right choice for themselves and their child. The choice that they had made coming into the hospital. The choice that they had planned on.

If you at all feel like I am not in support of birth moms, you couldn't be more wrong (and perhaps this is not coming across like I want it to).

Please go back and read my posts on how much I think they are heroes. They truly are a part of our family. But making them go to court, before a judge, alone with their attorney (no social worker can be present) while they are post-partum and hormonal... is not really in their best interest, is it?

In fact, Momma G was terrified about going to court. She had never had to stand before a judge.

Our agency has told us that sometimes the judges are rude to the birth moms, almost disrespectful. It's awful and not how they should be treated.

I hope you are getting an idea of why I think this is good for birth moms and for adoptive couples.

Please pray with me for this law to become something that honors both the adoptive families and the birth parent...and most importantly the child being placed.

19 comments:

I COULD NOT BE more proud of my daughters!! Your hearts, passion and drive are changing our world... I will be praying and believe, too, the passing of this legislation would be the best for everyone! Way to go, girls!! Love, Mom

Hello! I am a friend of Kim's (our husbands went to dental school together). I just wanted to let you know that I totally support your thoughts on the OK adoption process. My best friend has adopted two children in OK in the last 3 years and both times I have worried along side them about the outcome of the process. Knowing that they had to go to court was unbearable. While I have never been a birth mom to a child that was placed for adoption, nor have I been an adoptive parent, my husband and I have thought about the process over the years and are obviously very supportive of it! I hope that you are able to begin the process of changing the OK laws! I will keep a lookout for good things to come. Thanks for bringing this topic to the forefront!!

HEY! You outed me! I told Dierdre that I would have it done by Monday - and here you are gathering support, before my final draft. I should have known! I told K and M about it the other night. I love you and I know we can get this thing passed. I too hope it is sooner rather than later, but I will accept any change I can get! Little plug - I am sure as soon as we can get it in a legislator's hands we (Molly, Kim and I - and everyone else willing) will have links on our blogs and a way for you to contact your legislator to gain support for the new legislation....Oh yeah - i just made a tiny committment for you two! Love you guys - B

Amen, sister! Where do I vote??? I have often thought that it would be torturous for a birth mom to have to wait, go to court, wait there, etc. etc. If it were me, I would just want it done. Although I was not as aware of the law as I should be, I don't like it. It doesn't seem fair to anyone involved. Please let me know what I can do to help get this law changed...and then we can work on DHS!!! Oh...and I LOVE the pics! I remember the pics I had done with my Ashlee...pictures just weren't as cute way back then! (Plus...my arms were fat...why didn't someone tell me????)

Missouri's laws are similar too - 48 hours after birth, but the birth moms can sign the consent in front of a judge or a notary public. Of course, our birth mom changed her mind before the baby was born, but I can imagine those days {and weeks} immediately after the birth is even more nerveracking.

I'd love to add a link on our blog too - I'll be watching for it. We might not be in Oklahoma right now, but we have tons of family still there and as we're still wanting to adopt, more effective and protective {for all involved} laws are something I'm more than willing to help see pass.

I had no idea it was different in Oklahoma! I'm with Laurie...I simply can't imagine this. Our 48 hours waiting on Hudson was SO HARD!

I love how much more loving it seems here in Texas to birth moms too. They get to sit with the adoption worker, someone they love and has counseled them, and will continue counseling them while they sign the papers. It hurts me to think of a woman who just gave birth having to deal with COURT and a judge! How emotionally traumatic. These birth moms have enough to deal with.

Molly, my prayers for this legislation start immediately. Please call on me to help with anything anytime to help get this passed.

You have been a great friend to my daughter (Katie) as she has dealt with the loss of her precious Hailey right on top of the loss of her adopted little boy. Thank you for that and please call on me for any help anytime!

I love your blog! I am not a mother yet, but I'm a 3rd grade teacher in Moore, OK and have a passion for kids. Your story reminds me each day with a child is a blessing and opportunity to invest in their life and shine God's love. We can be the greatest thing that happens to a child each day. Thank you for encouraging me to not get lazy in my ministry each day at school. Also, I don't if you already have a church home, but we go to an AWESOME church in the OKC, People's Church. It is a culturally diverse church whose heart is connected people to God and to others and celebrating diversity and the one thing that united us all, Christ's love. I don't even know if you live in the metro area, but thought I would share. The website is peopleschurch.tv Regardless, your family is beautiful and you will be in my prayers!

Wow... We adopted Sam from Nevada. Their rule was 72 hours and it had to be signed in front of the social worker. We thought the 72 hours would NEVER pass, so I cannot imagine 3 weeks...This is cool that you and your friend are taking this on! We will be praying.

Anonymous, please hang tight and keep following. I removed your comment but am going to repost it when I can give it a response. I really believe I need to pray about it so not to answer emotionally...I am heartbroken for you and it kills me because I think you've misunderstood me. Please come back later tonight.Molly

Anonymous,I have read your comment 6 times I think and each time I want to cry for what you've been through. I am so sorry. It's certainly not healthy in my opinion for adopted children to be kept from having a relationship with their birth parents if at all possible.

I can't imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry that my post didn't come across right.

I appreciate your bravery for speaking out and sharing your experience. I love hearing from birthparents. I have saved your comment so that I can remember what you have said.

The changes in the law that we are proposing do not limit or force the birthmother to do anything. They only give her more options. If you want to read the proposal, we will be posting it as soon as it is ready. It will be on the other website.

Our intent and prayer is that we can ALWAYS be respectful to all parties involved. So that everyone is protected in this very emotional and spiritual experience of adoption.

I am praying for you and I wish you knew me better and understand how I feel about birth mothers.

If you want to communicate more and without the world seeing please feel free to email me at mollykshockley@hotmail.com

I would love to be able to talk more about this and hear more of your heart and your perspective.

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About Me

I am a nurse and a stay-at-home mom to our four children. These kids and their daddy are my world. This is the life I have dreamed of and I can't believe I am blessed to be living out my dreams! This blog is to help keep our friends and family that we don't see daily, updated on what's going on in our home and the funny things our kids say! I also love sharing our story and how God has blessed us through adoption and hope this opens up more people to considering adoption.