I read the comment you made on the Is God Real video: here is my experience... I know we all have a different path and purpose in life ways, this in my unique experience and I want nothing at all from You. Please forward this to whoever you think can use it... Love often and be nice to strangers.

I am an ex Marine gunner French Culinary Chef who tried something kind of different to try and disprove / prove GOD to myself. I do not seek to argue or debate AT ALL. Just read my story if YOU WANT TO and make up your mind. Why do we assume we know? I realized I WOULD never really know unless GOD either showed me or did not. But I had to do it according to the RULES in HIS word... keep reading.MAN created the CHURCH system we have today, which to me, seemed OFF. The BIBLE never mentions going to Church except once and it was at someone's house. The WORD actually says Matthew 6:6 "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."This is what I did 11 years ago or 3-4 weeks, ALONE, walking the street at night looking up and asking God if He was real or not. And in my room and in a mountain side, privately saying:"GOD.. PLEASE.. JESUS.. PLEASE give me the HOLY SPIRIT and YOU can have this life I have.. SEND ME THE PROMISED HOLY SPIRIT then I can know and I will serve you forever."Before, I thought GOD has to prove Himself to me, a human. But asking for the Holy Spirit I thought, WHY SHOULD I WANT GOD TO SHOW/PROVE HIMSELF... I SHOULD PROVE MYSELF to HIM FIRST by reading HIS word. So I read furiously, saying to myself, "I'm going to ask for the Holy Spirit and not fulfill my flesh with human comforts until I FINISH the WORD OF GOD. The New Testament was 300 pages, not that long. And I felt that keeping myself empty from gratification would leave room for GOD to fill me if all this WAS IN FACT LEGIT. BUT AGAIN, I gave Him my FAITH until I knew one way or the other. The race was on and I started reading hardcore.

NO church or ANYONE else. IN SECRET: I LIKED THAT. I had nothing to lose and eternity to gain. I had read early in the first book Matthew 7:11 and also in Luke 11:13 "Will GOD not give the Holy Spirit to those that ask of Him!" Also Jesus had said no sign would be given except the sign of Jonah, I researched and found the word Jonah meant Dove in Hebrew, aka Holy Spirit. So I figured if God is real, which I would give Him the benefit of my doubt until HE either proved it or not... this would be the thing to pray for and ask for.Then I read this: (WHICH made me ask forcefully from GOD, almost yelling and challenging HIM BOLDLY to give it to ME!) Matthew 11:12 Jesus said: "And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force."

The WORLD to me was full of LIES: VANITY, image, money, SEX, drugs, IMAGE, IMAGE, PRIDE.. MORE MONEY = more girls/materialism = respect.. ALL evil to me.. all of it just a distraction. So I continued in this manner, mixed with confessing all my sins of stealing, using drugs and GIRLS, all the things I could remember I did wrong I said out loud. After the fourth Book in the Bible, STILL asking for just the Holy Spirit and really loathing myself at this point because I stopped cigarettes and weed, things I loved... and I was feeling the VOID BIGTIME. And I realized that without these things, I am empty. THAT I hated about myself: that without gratification I FOUND NO PEACE. SO I asked Harder and said to GOD, GIVE ME A NEW SOUL!!! WHAT IS THIS GOD! I AM A BROKEN MACHINE! To this day, I don't know what came over me to day that... and to say it with such anger towards Him, VIOLENCE! Screaming at the sky thinking, "Well, at LEAST the Angels are getting a kick out of this, I hope that they go to GOD and tell HIM if HE IS ignoring ME! Somewhere in Corinthians, the start of it... my friend was over one night. That morning I awoke with the feeling of ecstasy in me: LITERALLY. I accused my best friend for slipping me an Ecstasy PILL in my water, He denied it. But I was sure HE DID. The next day the feeling was stronger and I couldn't believe it, GOD had delivered. BIGTIME. This amazing bliss moved into my mind and pushed out all negative thoughts supernaturally. The next year was non-stop dreams and visions, mostly asleep but SOME awake. TEARS I had cried during the month long asking (I had cried out of frustration and slight depression into my Bible) had turned into a white bread, which I ate... and was SWEET like honey. If I go on to tell you the supernatural events that have occurred since, most of you would think I am totally nuts, if already you don't. BUT I TELL YOU... ITS ALL TRUE. God has telepathically connected me to HIMSELF through CHRIST and the WORD. I think that the breakthrough was when I REALIZED that my human mechanism, the human condition was broken. That I LOVED evil and hated being good. I HATED that that was TRUE and was rebelling against MYSELF complaining to GOD and telling HIM to fix me I refused to smoke anything or take valium (which I used to as well for relaxing, I refused rock music, TV... just bored myself into depression, reading, crying, asking for a new soul in the Holy Spirit, asking in Jesus name while I read, read and read.\HERE IS MY FULL TESTIMONY: http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-find-GodTHIS LITTLE GIRL WENT TO HEAVEN IN VISIONS AND DREW HEAVEN! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmm-0-Rdxo8

LOVE YOU ALL.... Just remember that our bodies are created to CONTAIN A BUZZ. From all different sources, we are created to have TEMPORARY BUZZES... this is the TRICK. DO NOT indulge in any buzzful activities and ask (EVEN FORCEFULLY, its RECOMMENDED). HATE what we are. HATE being in the fallen state away from GOD and needing money, sex, drugs and rock and roll (BASICALLY STIMULI) to feel complete. IF YOU have ever wondered why GOD is silent, it's because WE ARE. Show passion about what JESUS did, DIED so we can be connected to GOD. YOU MUST HATE THE FALLEN STATE.. .and vocalize it for a while and READ the NEW TESTAMENT while asking for the HOLY SPIRIT. I am sure anyone who does this will experience WHAT I DID.

DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME... I know some are Christians out there... I THOUGHT I was before doing it this way... GOD was silent to me for years and I started losing faith and went all out...and it paid off. Now each night is a lesson in dreams, each thought gets accused and corrected; I have since put away most sin (GOD HAS FOR ME). The Holy Spirit is not automatic upon believing. ITS TO BE sought HARD after with forcefulness or whatever means necessary. ARE YOU HAPPY with a SILENT GOD? I wasn't... and now HE has shown me that I need to get this message out to all, great and small, to SEEK HIM this way as well.Bless you all and I hope that GOD finds you soon.

Thanks for the message. The majority of Christians I run into are trolls. But I must say that I'm sorry, but as a psychology major I am unconvinced. You have given me the personal account of your contact with a god. But I have never experienced a god. I begged and pleaded and screamed and yelled, cut myself, got angry, read the bible manickly, and prayed for hours... but nothing happened. And one day, I woke up and realized that I had lost my faith in the Christian god forever. And I felt free for the first time in my life. All of a sudden I DIDN'T feel like a piece of crap that deserved to die for breaking the ten commandments on a regular basis. All of a sudden I was awake and aware, and paradise was on earth... I don't need a heaven. I have all I need here. I have learned more in the past year then in my entire life. Heaven is a Place on Earth. It is open to everyone. However, if you refuse to open your eyes and see the truth... if you look for the truth in the wrong places [outside of the realms of science and verifiable evidence.

When you feel doubt that lurks painfully on the edge of your consciousness... don't suppress it! There is no such thing as an evil question! There is no such thing as a question that will never have an answer! Some questions don't have an answer yet... but they will someday.

I remember the PAIN I went through as a female christian. I read the bible and came to 1 conclusion... God hated me because I was a woman.

I don't quite understand how you can really have read the same text and not be horrified of the terrible things mentioned? How could you not see the contradictions? Even among the gospels themselves? How could you not see the attrocities committed [and sanctioned] in the name of God? And how can you not see that God hates women?

I will suggest a different site for you to go to, and please don't ignore me on this!

Open your mind... if you get angry... stop for a minute and think "why am I angry? Am I afraid? What is it that makes me angry?"

I will give you the proof from the new testament [mentioned on the site] that god hates women:

1. Women are NEVER to go to church with their heads uncovered, or their heads must be shaved. 2. Women were NOT created in God's image... only men were. Women were created in the image of man and for man's use. She is secondary and subserviant to him.

1 Corinthians 11: 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 11:4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. 11:5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. 11:6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 11:8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

3. Women are cursed because of what 1 woman [Eve... who's actual existence is dubious] did in a magical garden with a talking snake. And therefore, every woman is damned from birth and cursed. The only way she can enter heaven is to give birth [I guess women who are infertile - barren - are screwed over] And because they are a shame on all humans and responsible for death... they are to be silent slaves and are never allowed to teach men or speak in church, or ask questions in public, or wear gold or pearls or expensive things or braid their hair.

1 Timothy 2: 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 2:10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

UPDATE!!

His response:

Re: flying spaghetti monster comment The woman thing is hard to swallow, but the entire woman sexual freedom movement led to more divorce and sexual promiscuity and the whole world has become cheapened because of it. Daughters are whores before 16 and just look what has happened to the world...

A good woman is strong, poise and chaste and discipline.

Read the Book of Ruth, many prophetesses have come and gone... what Paul was saying is right, a woman falunting in church causes sin in the eyes of men.

"and prayed for hours..."

What did you pray for ??

for 27 days I prayed day and night for 1 thing.. the Holy Spirit and only that... without it, nothing matter.

peace and please don't say I hate woman, I do not.. but allowing woman to speak in Church would have done more hard than good.. they can teach, talk, HE is speaking of evangelizing... WHY is it that a man is the head of the household?

Don't know, but nature (GOD) has established that... not me.. I have met some jerk men and great women, I know.. but some things are to be prayed to God for after we get the HOLY SPIRIT..

did you pray for the Holy Spirit? Don't just say, yeah.. did you?

Luke 11:13 Matthew 7:11

My response... [I intend it to be the final one]

That's fine for you... good luck. I'm glad you have found happiness. But I am an atheist. And as a woman... I have never been happier. Atheism has set me free from a belief that I had to love a "god" I couldn't love because he hated me just because I was born with a vagina.

I remember screaming at "god" [which was the ceiling] DEMANDING to know why he had put this curse on me! But now... I see the truth...

The bible was written by men, for men... in a time when women had a value that was less than cattle. Women were livestock to be controlled, humiliated, beaten, and used for a man's needs...

I had only begun to tell you what Yahweh wanted us to do. If we were raped and didn't scream loud enough.. .we were to be stoned in public. If a daughter was found to lack a hymen before her marriage, her parents would drag her out into the street and the whole village was to kill her by stoning. If she was a priest's daughter... the punishment was worse... she would be burned alive...

I HAVE read the bible and have gotten a completely different impression from it. I have seen a god that is a childish, short-tempered, tantrum-throwing, bloodthirsty monstrosity who is obsessed with blood and death.

As an answer to your question, "what did I pray for" I prayed for God to stop the deterioration of my faith... which was melting away as I learned to reason and think for myself. I prayed [sobbing] asking God why he had given me autism [a disease which would make it likely that I would always be alone] and why he had given me the severe and devastating mental illness of bipolar. I didn't understand what I could possibly have done to deserve the level of suffering I went through.

There is no one watching out for me... but I like that better anyway... it's okay. And being in charge of your own destiny is quite empowering.

Deconversion was a time of darkness and horror for me until I came to the realisation of what I really was... an atheist. Being an atheist has improved my life in ways I can't describe.. my eyes are open... and I see heaven on earth. The only regret I feel is that my family [who are still christians] can't see it. Only YOU can deconvert yourself... and usually it will happen against your will. I don't know yet why it happens. But I know that it is the process of bringing freedom.

I am grateful that you were not caustic in responding to me. When examining your thoughts... don't brush them away as sinful right away. Don't be afraid to ask your god WHY he demands such things.

If he really speaks to you, as you suggest... then ask him yourself...

Why is sex sinful? Why are women subserviant? What is his plan in that.

I am a stubborn person... and that quality set me free... I was told that "God had a reason." But being stubborn and intelligent... I wanted to demand to god WHAT that reason was. I never got an answer... but maybe you will... or maybe not.

How powerful REALLY is your faith? Do you believe that you can do what jesus did? Can you move a mountain by commanding it in the name of the Holy Spirit?

[See the gospels... Jesus mentions this in one of them]

If you don't believe you can... maybe that's not a weakness... maybe you need to reexamine. NEVER be afraid to examine your paradigm [point of view].

Replies to This Discussion

The Abraham 3 (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) all have some things in common and chief amongst them is their view of women as property and subservient to men. Do you remember the story of the men of Sodom who went to Lot's house to bugger two angels there? Well elsewhere in the bible there is a similar story about how a man and his wife visited some people and a similar thing happened the locals wanted to bugger the men so they sent the man's wife who had "disrespected" him (from cheating on him i recall) outside to satisfy the lust of these men. They raped her and she died with her hands outstretched towards the door. It was considered no big loss since she was unfaithful anyway and was "deserving".

Now what gets me is if you tell any Christian about this story they will defend the event saying either she deserved it or "if she had been faithful this wouldn't have happened". I have told this to women and they have even said "Well she shouldn't have cheated on her husband.".

what Paul was saying is right, a woman falunting in church causes sin in the eyes of men.

It leaves a bitter, disgusting taste in my mouth just to read this! I thought that he was not seeing the blaring, screaming injustice of making a woman resonsible for a mans sexuality, but from what he just said he DOES see it and agrees with it. This is absolutely disgusting and extremely sexist, yet sadly, quite a common view point among BOTH genders. What an absolutely RIDICULOUS AND UNJUST notion! In fact, it is most likely this idea that puts "she wanted it" in the minds of many a date rapist.... whom consiquently often carry the same attitude as his.... "yeah. I didn't rape you. You wore a miniskirt and turned me on so you obviously wanted it. [doesn't matter that you struggled and screamed and that I shoved you down. Doesn't matter that I took away your dignity, your self-worth, your happiness, your right to your own body. Doesn't matter that I may have scarred you for life... that you may have nightmares about this for the next two years.... that you may end up being sedated in a psych ward after trying to kill yourself.... I really don't care. ] I think you guys and girls already knew this... but a person who holds this point of view... especially torward a rape victim... is telling that rape victim that they don't care if any of this happens to them.

Apprently with women... the cow is responsible for being slaughtered by the farmer.... does anyone see how insane and enraging this perspective is?

I'm sorry about the ranting... but I have a family member who IS a rape victim.... and so attitudes like his... "women turn on men, so they are the sinners" enrage me. This kind of talk reduces my relative into a piece of meat that can be chewed up and then thrown out whenever the person wants.

I want to scream at this young man that we women are PEOPLE NOT BLOW UP SEX DOLLS!!!