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WTF Report: “Farm animals be like…”

I haven’t been all that upbeat lately, what with Putin brotherly “protecting” Ukraine out of its territory and amassing friendly troops on its borders. Minor things.

I needed to seek some ways to cheer myself up. As any healthy human being, I knew just where to turn to in my time of need: Internet. Internet is our only friend in this entire world. Don’t you ever let any of your so-called human “friends” tell you otherwise.

“Tell me, Internet, is there something you can do to make me happy again?” I asked.

There was something! That something? Goats! And sheep! Cats are so over, dude. Farm animals are the new cats.

I knew farm animals gave us delicious milk and wool and maple syrup, but I didn’t know they liked to goof around too. But they do. And it’s fucking hilarious! Observe:

Your eyes do not deceive you. That really is a goat using other goats as props to perform epic Matrix moves. If you didn’t at least smile at that video, then welcome to Earth, Martian friend—we consider these things amusing.

But wait, there’s more:

That there is a sheep that’s convinced it’s a dog. I like how the other sheep are utterly confused around 0:25. They know it’s one of their own, but they can see something’s not quite right. Is it possessed? Has it advanced to a new level of self-awareness? Who cares? It’s a sheep that thinks it’s a dog, and it’s beautiful.

I want a goat and a sheep. At home. Today. The cats may protest. My wife may protest, too. But who are they to tell me what to do in the apartment that I share with them?! If they don’t like it, fine! I’ll go live on the streets. At least I’ll have Sparky and Sir Leaps-A-Lot with me. Their friendship is all I need. Theirs and the Internet’s.

Aw shucks! The sheep video was removed by the user. I get that- they probably got more attention than they wanted. But still, I wish I had seen it.
The matrix goat is wonderful! Jumping, slashing to and fro. All that energy is spectacular!
The internet is your friend, until it turns on you and eats your head off.
Not sure where that came from. But the internet- totally your friend, totally.

Those are great. I’ve seen the goat one before but not the prancing sheep. I’d love to go visit wherever it is that sheep is. The trickling water and the birds chirping in the background sound so peaceful. In fact, maybe Putin needs to go there. Perhaps getting in touch with nature could help set him straight. Or, even better, “Sir Leaps-A-Lot” could just pounce on his head…