Swat Taliban paying mercenaries 'blood money' to "behead" policemen ISLAMABAD - The Swat Taliban has engaged a band of private armed terrorists and is paying them handsome amounts to target security officials in Mingora and other adjacent areas.

They will only tell us to lynch black men who want to marry white women for their "miscegenation," behead rape victims for their "adultery," stone those who utter a certain string of phonemes for their "blasphemy," burn at the stake men who have sex with other men for their "sodomy".

"Think of Aasiya's hurt and pain in years of marriage and the final 30 or 40 seconds trying desperately to fend off his two knives with her hands and possibly being conscious as he began to behead her," Curtin Gable said during a closing statement that had some jurors dabbing tears from their eyes.

Yeah, I named him Seymour, and then proceeded to behead him (the flowering stem is inedible, and saps the nutrients from the rest of the plant ... it had to be done!) and kidnap some of the "offspring" (read: stalks) to make these muffins!

"A man beheaded his partner as she sat on a chair before stuffing her tiny body into a freezer and shooting himself, a Northern Territory inquest has heard."- Phoebe Stewart, 'Beheaded and stuck in freezer', NT News, 27 August 2008.