South African Jokes

2016-11-12

Flash floods across the greater Johannesburg area on 9 November
have left motorists without cars and businesses counting the
costs of the damages incurred. The CICA Facebook page has now
posted new photos of the destruction caused by the floods

At least seven people are missing after yesterday's
floods and there are warnings from the weather service that
more heavy rain is expected in Gauteng this week. The
flash floods also caused a partial shutdown at OR Tambo
International Airport, with flights delayed and buildings
flooded.

"South Africans are psychologically sick as a result of the violence inflicted upon the majority of the country's people during the apartheid era ", President Jacob Zuma said.

This lie is getting really old! The history of black South Africans has always been that of violence, death and destruction - NOT inflicted upon them by white people in this country.

Shaka Zulu, during his 10-year reign butchered more than 2 million black people in South Africa, not counting the deaths during mass tribal migrations to escape his armies. He had his warriors clubbed to death upon the merest sign of weakness. He neither took a legal wife nor fathered a son, for fear that his heir would plot against him, and had his concubines executed if he discovered they were pregnant. When his mother died, he massacred thousands of his subjects so their families would mourn along with him. Shaka retained his throne through the worst kind of sheer terror, vast mass executions, torture and mindless butchery.

His brother, Dingane, was no better. He took power after the assassination of Shaka and started his reign by butchering those loyal to Shaka.

THAT, amongst many other horror stories of black-on-black violence, is the history of Black South Africa.

During the Apartheid years it was not better. Factional fighting and tribal conflict was again the main cause of violence and death amongst black South Africans.

During the Apartheid era, from 1948 to 1994, the average life expectancy of black South Africans had risen to 64 years, on par with Europe's average life expectancy. Infant death rates had by then been re duced from 174 to 55 infant deaths per thousand, higher than Europe's, but considerably lower than the rest of the African continent's. The African population in South Africa increased by 50%.

Deaths due to political violence during apartheid:

21 000 people died in political violence in South Africa during apartheid of whom 14 000 died during the transition process from 1990 to 1994.

This includes SA Defence Force actions, for instance the 600 deaths at Kassinga in Angola during the war in 1978.

Of those deaths, the vast majority, 92%, have been primarily due to Africans killing Africans, such as the inter-tribal battles for territory.

During the period June 1990 to July 1993 a total of 8580 (92%) of the 9 325 violent deaths during the period June 1990 to July 1993 were caused by Africans killing Africans, or as the news media often calls it, "Black on Black" violence - hostel killings, Inkatha Freedom Party versus ANC k illings and taxi and turf war violence.

The security forces caused 518 deaths (5.6%) throughout this period.

During the transitional period, the primary causes of deaths were not security forces nor white right-wing violence against blacks, but due to "black-on-black necklace murders", tribal conflict between the ANC-IFP, bombs by the ANC and PAC's military wings in shopping centers, landmines on farm roads, etc.

In this country TODAY (under black rule) as many as 18 000 people are murdered EVERY year. ...and those are the official statistics. More than 400 000 people have been murdered in South Africa under ANC rule. The past 20 years have been the most violent in the history of this country since the death of Shaka Zulu

...and NONE of it has anything to do with WHITE people or APARTHEID... but I guess if you repeat the lie often enough foreigners actually start believing the drivel coming from your mouth, Mr. Uneducated President !!!"

Unfortunately people from all over the world believe the lies you have spread and wrongly blame the Whites for Racism!!

2015-04-07

After President Jacob Zuma's statement [...] that all the problems in
South Africa started with the arrival of Jan van Riebeeck in 1652.....

I know, I know... We had the same problems in England, you know...

First we had the Picts and the Scots. And then came the Romans who
stuck around for about four centuries. Then we had the Angles and the
Saxons and all those other Germanic tribes. Oh ho! Then came the Danes
and their Viking mates, a nauseating bunch of horny helmeted rapists
and looters they were.

Nevertheless, the Danes were eventually displaced by the Normans, who
turned out to be Frenchmen in disguise - but we were a bit slow to
recognise the fact until it was too late; anyway, they were led by the
Duke of Normandy, who was a real bastard, and who gave our wimpy king
a right one in the eye. (The bloody French are still hanging around
with their cheese and their bread and their wine and their accordion
music and their fancy restaurants, seducing our people away from our
culture of slap chips with custard.)

And then, and then, came the Dutch when King William and Queen Mary of
Orange popped over and started causing nonsense with the Irish at the
Battle of the Boyne. The Irish have never completely forgiven us, so
they came over and settled all our building sites. Then the Germans
came back again, surreptitiously, and occupied the top of the Mall in
Buckingham Palace...

And yet, and yet... All of these people (well most!) have contributed
to make England and the English a great and democratic nation. And
yet, I have never felt the slightest inclination to bomb Rome, to
shatter the Pyramids, to close a Pakistani restaurant, to nuke the
Ka'aba in Mecca, to blow up a bus in Jerusalem, to chop off the head
of a Nigerian etc. (And even if I have, I have controlled myself from
saying so.)

I have few words for Mr Zuma and his depraved ANC: Grow up, or piss
off. You stand in the way of civilisation.

2015-04-02

I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when
she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of
her parents, ANC supporters, were standing there, so I asked her, "If
you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."
Her parents smiled hugely.

"Wow...what a worthy goal." I told her, "But you don't have to wait
until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house for a
morning and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay
you R100. Then I'll take you over to the supermarket where the
homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the R100 to use toward
food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight
in the eye and asked: "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do
the work, and you can just pay him the R100?"