At least one local hockey fan thinks it’s criminal the Winnipeg Jets haven’t returned home.

A 33-year-old resident of Lundar, Manitoba is facing numerous charges after allegedly making a series of 911 calls which included demanding RCMP officers somehow bring the National Hockey League back to the province.

“He began the conversation by saying he wanted the Jets back. He was quite upset about it,” a justice source told the Free Press on Wednesday. The incident occurred last year but was never reported publicly by police. The Free Press uncovered details this week through court documents….

The emergency dispatcher politely told the angry caller there was nothing she could do to help him and reminded him that he was tying up a valuable resource before hanging up. But the man continued to phone back, claiming he had a lot on his mind….

The final straw came when the man began insulting the 911 operator, eventually calling her a crude name. She warned him that his number had been traced and police were being sent out to arrest him.

“If you’re coming to get me, can you bring me some smokes,” was his reply.

This story gave me an idea. With everything that has happened in the past 20 days, perhaps there are Kings related issues that Surly should call 9-1-1 about. So, I have put together a quick list. He has promised to start on this and whatever suggestions you may have as early as Monday morning.

OPERATOR: “9-1-1 emergency, can I help you?”

SURLY: “Yes you may…”

1. “I’d like to request an old fashioned LAPD beat down…the suspect’s name is Tim Leiweke. Requesting a baton to the head every time he utters the word ‘cash’ and a kick in the groin if he follows it with “cap.”

2. “I am reporting a stalking. A white, 27 year old Russian hockey player has been in my head since January of 2010. In the past 20 days, it has gotten worse…”

3. “Hi, I have a 5150 to report. The suspect? Randy Jones, J-O-N-E-S. Yes…what has he done? F***ed with my universe for an entire hockey season.”

4. “Hello, do you have any anti-semites on the force? I need a few to take care of a certain Jewish sports agent…what’s his name? What the hell is wrong with you? I was joking!!”

5. “There is a vagrant I need arrested. His name is Alexander Frolov. What has he done? Nothing, that’s the point…Yes, I have witnesses…you want their names? Sure, ready? The first one is Terry Murray…”

1 reply

Hi…I have to report that there is a prostitute in my area hanging out in the front of my store bothering people…She goes by the name “Red Light Roberta”…I’ve also heard her call herself 8oungo..not sure what that’s all about… Yes, she IS harrassing my customers. She is tall, has dark greasy hair…resembling the character Jean Girard from the movie “Talladega Nights”…