Look, this is an ugly fact, and to nobody is it more apparent than to a bike shop owner. Bikes get stolen. There are craven nihilists in every town, in every state in the world. If I were President For Life, I would enact a law that made it okay to publicly hobble convicted bike thieves, but that will, alas, never be the case.

Instead, we have to take what actions we can. The following tips may be obvious to the most street-wise among us, but they are so important and effective that they warrant a special page on the World Wide Web just to inform each and every one of us of the dangers of sketchy drifters and their bolt cutters.

Tips:

Never leave your bicycle out overnight, unless absolutely necessary.

The following conditions may be acceptable:

A quick getaway option may be necessary, because your girl's dad doesn't like you

Apartment is so tiny that your chihuahua has no place to lie down

Work overnight, and you work in a booth that is less than 20 sqft in size

Your bike has an alarm, or nonlethal boobie trap

The following conditions are unacceptable:

Got way too drunk, left it outside the Matchbox overnight

Don't want to get dirt into apartment

Bikes are designed to be ridden outside, why can't they be stored outside?

Never use a cable lock as your only lock.

Just as we learned from Jurassic Park that the reptile brain is hardwired to notice motion, we now know that the tweeker brain is hardwired to notice the shape of a coiled up cable lock, as well as shocks and knobby tires. Use a U-lock, or a chain lock. Those folding locks seem kinda clumsy to me, but if you're into that, they're probably pretty safe.

Take a picture of yourself with your bike right now. Upload it into an email so that you can access it from anywhere.

Also, grab a picture of the serial number. A stitch, in time saves nine.

Anyone who owns a bicycle can register that bike at the following ..registries, to help deter theft, and facilitate recovery of stolen bikes.