Exclusive: Gary Cohn Has a Breaking Point!

Since the day Gary Cohn resigned from his job at Goldman Sachs to work for Donald Trump, people have been wondering when he would quit. Strangely, it didn’t happen when he or someone familiar with his views realized Trump was “an idiot surrounded by clowns.” It didn’t happen after the president defended a group of Nazis, and then iced out Cohn for having the audacity to say the administration should do a better job condemning white nationalists. It didn‘t happen when Trump punished Cohn by giving the job he traded his dignity for to someone else, and it definitely didn’t happen when Cohn was forced to humiliate himself in service to Trump’s tax plan. It also didn’t happen when Cohn’s name was floated to take over as chief of staff after it emerged that Trump’s current one is an apologist for (alleged) spousal abusers, leading some to believe that that Gary was a victim of Stockholm syndrome who would never actually quit the president, despite the overwhelming evidence that he should have slipped on a disguise and taken the first Chinatown bus back to N.Y.C. a very long time ago. But on Tuesday, something crazy happened: Cohn actually found his breaking point. And whereas Nazis apparently didn’t merit a resignation, tariffs on aluminum and steel reportedly did:

Gary D. Cohn, President Trump’s top economic adviser, plans to resign, becoming the latest in a series of high-profile departures from the Trump administration, White House officials said on Tuesday. . . . Mr. Trump’s announcement last week that he would levy tariffs on aluminum and steel imports was the most immediate catalyst for Mr. Cohn’s departure, according to people familiar with his thinking. Mr. Cohn, a longtime proponent of free trade, believed the decision could jeopardize economic growth.

In a statement, Cohn, who presumably had a packed bag sitting by the door for weeks now, said he has been pleased to work on “pro-growth economic policies to benefit the American people, in particular the passage of historic tax reform.” Trump called Cohn “a rare talent” who has done “a superb job in driving our agenda, helping to deliver historic tax cuts and reforms and unleashing the American economy once again.” Despite the fact that Trump is setting records for staff departures, the delusional former beauty-pageant owner suggested during a press conference Tuesday that he’s been beating off job applicants with a stick:

Oh, that’s right: according to the Associated Press, John Konkus, the E.P.A.’s deputy associate administrator for public affairs, received a letter in August approving his request to make some money on the side freelancing for at least two clients, with the expectation that his roster will grow. And this being the Trump administration, it apparently wasn’t enough to let a government employee take advantage of alternative revenue streams—it was also necessary to make it impossible to know whether or not the organization Konkus is working nights and weekends for represents a conflict of interest (their names were blacked out before a copy of the approval letter was sent to Congress, citing a privacy exemption the A.P. notes is generally reserved for personnel records and medical files, and not some low-level Jared). The ethics lawyer who signed the letter, who had the benefit of seeing the names of the companies, has barred Konkus from “participating in matters at E.P.A. that would have a ‘direct and predictable’ financial benefit for his clients,” which we’re sure will totally do the trick!

In a statement to the A.P., Liz Bowman, the E.P.A.’s associate administrator for public affairs, said, “As the letter states, E.P.A. career ethics approvals have reviewed and approved these opportunities.” The White House has declined to wade into the issue, but if Konkus keeps this up, he can probably expect some sort of punishment in the form of the presidential medal of freedom.

Today in tariffs

In addition to driving Gary Cohn over the edge, the latest fallout from Trump’s call to effectively start a trade war, which he tweeted last Friday are “good and easy to win,” has included:

His totally in-the-know Treasury secretary, Steven Mnuchin,saying Tuesday that the administration is “not looking to get into trade wars”;

A report from Goldman Sachs that the import tariffs will “make the U.S. less competitive by raising the prices of raw materials” and that “by imposing across-the-board tariffs to all steel and aluminum imports, the larger economic impact is on Canada, Mexico and the E.U., and it ironically eases the economic impact to China and Russia”;

A letter from Senator Orrin Hatch to Trump that read: “History has demonstrated repeatedly that consumers—American families and taxpayers—ultimately bear the burden of tariffs on these kinds of imports”;

And the world’s creepiest presidential declaration that the punitive measures will be done in a “loving, loving way.”

Appearing on Dr. Phil ostensibly to discuss the impact that working for Donald Trump had on his marriage to second wife, Deirdre Ball—she filed for divorce, he missed the birth of their child and then allegedly demanded a paternity test—the 10-day White House communications director, for reasons that are not entirely clear, sat in on a segment about a feuding couple who split several years ago. (She alleges he was physically abusive, he says she had an affair.) The Mooch, whose attempts to stay relevant have really come to this, offered that he “senses some anger” and that the two should “put the swords down” for the children’s sake.

Of his own marriage, which has since been mended, the Mooch said: “I became overly ambitious; I ended up doing things I totally regret.”