How to Love Yourself More on Valentine’s Day and Everyday

by Janet Ong Zimmerman on 02/12/2013

“Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other.” – Russ von Hoelscher

Valentine’s Day is overrated

Valentine’s Day is overrated and if it were up to me, I would change this day to Self Love Day. Valentine’s Day brings the following scenarios:

Sadness and loneliness for the single woman. Common thoughts include, “No one loves me.” “I wish I could find that special someone.”

Uncertainty for the woman who has just started dating. Common thoughts include, “Will he send me flowers?” “Could he be the one?”

Expectations that are sometimes followed by disappointment for the woman in a long term relationship. A common thought is, “Will he propose?”

If you relate to these Valentine’s Day scenarios, notice how they require a man to behave or act a certain way in order for you to feel good about yourself.

What if you could feel good about yourself on Valentine’s Day and everyday…? You can, but only if you make you the primary focus of your love life. Instead of being concerned with your single status, or if he really loves you or why he didn’t propose, ask, “How can I love myself more?” Taking action from this one question will positively transform your life. It will shift the way you view, approach and experience love. Focusing on you will let your love life fall into place.

Fall in love with yourself

When you completely love yourself, you will have true love with a high quality man. You’ll attract men who treat you well. You’ll enjoy the dating process and find yourself in fulfilling relationships. Listen to your thoughts to determine whether or not you love yourself. Critical and judgmental thoughts like, “I’m not good enough.” “How embarrassing, I can’t believe I said or did that.” “Why can’t I…?” are signs that you aren’t loving yourself.

Shift from judging to loving yourself by answering then taking action on this question, “How can I love myself more?” If you’re having a difficult time answering this, try these 5 practices to help move towards self love.

Be mindful. Observe your thoughts with non-judgmental awareness. Question your critical thoughts that come up repeatedly. Try The Work by Byron Katie to question and transform these thoughts. Practice meditation and yoga.

Treat your body well. Eat foods that are good for your body. Drink wisely by limiting caffeine, alcohol and sugared drinks. Exercise a few times a week. Get enough sleep so that you feel rested each day.

Do what you love. Find and live your passions. Explore new activities and hobbies. Spend time with supportive family and friends.

Live with integrity. Determine and live your core values. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Be authentic and express yourself fully. Settle for more.

Focus on yourself first

For decades, I approached love by making a man my primary focus, not realizing that this caused me to attract men who weren’t right for me, who didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated and to stay in a 5 year relationship that was over after 1 year. When I started making me my primary focus, my love life shifted dramatically. I attracted higher quality men which eventually led to marrying “Mr. Wonderful”.

You might think that it’s selfish to focus on you first. However, the opposite it true. When you love yourself completely, you can love a man fully. You’ll be kind and true to yourself, which teaches men to treat you with love and respect. You’ll express yourself openly which will help your partner do the same. You’ll handle difficulties in your relationship with more ease and peace, instead of turmoil and stress. In short, you will have a magical and fulfilling love life.

Remember, the kind of relationship you have with yourself determines the quality of your love life. Fall in love with yourself first and your happily ever after will come to fruition. May you love yourself and attract the love you desire and deserve.

when i first read this post over a month ago it frustrated and baffled me– i wanted quick solutions to my love life… but still, something about this piece rang true to me, so i pushed myself to do it.

after just a month of self-love (meditation/mindfulness, yoga, gratitude lists and other journaling work), i feel like a new person. i’ve faced familiar situations and dealt with them so differently than the way i used to.

i’m unwilling to accept less than what i deserve, and i’m hopeful that i’ll find someone who is on my “wavelength” in the future. and i am starting to really believe this is the key to good relationships– not just with men but also with friends and family.

thanks for planting this seed in my brain– the journey i’ve been on has led to some big developments in my life and i couldn’t be happier about it.

http://www.loveforsuccessfulwomen.com Janet Ong Zimmerman

Dear Sarah,

I’m so glad you took the time to let me know how your month of self love has been. The transformation you’ve made and will continue to make will lead you to a high quality man and your ideal love life. I’m excited for you – big and wonderful things are in store!

You’re right about self love being the key to good relationships with everyone. While I may have planted the seed, you were willing and open to try a different solution. You are an inspiration.