UKIP to prove “not racist” by painting Jim Davidson brown

UKIP leader Nigel Farage has said that he will instruct party activists to paint 1970s comedian and former generation game host Jim Davidson a shade of brown so he looks a bit foreign.

Speaking to a heaving press conference this morning Mr Farage explained “It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, people still think we’re racist. We have two options. One is we promote candidates from ethnic minorities to senior roles in our party. The other option is that we forcibly paint Jim Davidson brown. That way when he entertains people with his racist humour and we occupy the majority of the audience laughing at it, he will look foreign himself and will thus will be perceived as ironic rather than racist. And that’ll get us of the hook I reckon.”

The party who have also come under fire for allegedly homophobic views of their members have also been rumoured to be planning to make Jim Davidson look a little bit camp.

“We might just ask him to wear a little handbag on stage. Or we might just give him a little perm. Either way it will make any homophobic views that he might have look ironic. And that’s got to rub off on us, I would imagine. And I don’t mean rub off in a gay way.”

One voter told us “It’s certainly cleared up any doubts and they’ve got my vote.”