Just another WordPress.com weblog

Sometimes I dream

Sometimes I dream. Hey Bloggees. How u doing? Someone in my head is screaming, “Don’t blog about this, don’t do it,” but I’m going to anyway. So there.

It’s nice to dream, right? It’s nice to take a flight of fancy or imagination and dream of what you want to achieve, or want you want to do, or maybe just dream of flying, or even that guy you saw you thought was so cute walking down the street.

What if dreams aren’t like that?

What if dreams wake you up right when you fall asleep and you can’t remember what it was all about, but still, you wake up breathing hard and the plant over in the corner looks like a man leaning over you, and the dark seems very very alien.

What if dreams are snapshots and pieces of scenes where you’re running and you’re a little kid, and that man you dreamt about before is back. And he’s trying to help you but you know there’s going to be a price to pay, but still, he’s a better alternative to what’s chasing you.

What if dreams stop you breathing and you watch the floor buckling as a man you don’t know, but yes you do, walks into the next room, and you’re waiting, sitting in the middle of the bed like the good girl you were told to be but somehow you know that springy, rubbery floor is connected to the feet of something very dark, and very frightening, in the shadows of the room next door.

What if dreams are like that?

Well…..you wake up and you turn on the light so that the plant in the corner doesn’t look like a menacing figure any more. You reach down to your right and feel your cat stretched out, purring, on your side, and then you get up, go into the kitchen and peel the wrapper off a macadamia/white chocolate Luna bar. And you crunch with your teeth until you feel a little calmer, pour yourself a glass of water and go back to bed. And you leave the light on.

Then the next day, you get up, and you pray and you exercise, and the images swirl around in your head. You wonder what you’ll blog about. You wonder how you’re ever going to think about those revisions and get that submission out with everything still floating around in there.

You wonder if you’re good enough. Because all of a sudden you certainly don’t feel that way.

You wonder if you can still dream of achieving those dreams you so long for. Because all of a sudden you feel so tired.

Then you decide.

I will not shut up. I will not give up. I will keep on writing. I will keep on dreaming