Holabird Advocate

Providing all the news we see fit to print since 2002!

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

VOL. II Issue 2N
CROP SHOW TO BE HELD ON MARCH 1
The Hyde County Farm and Home Show, formerly known as the "Crop Show", will be held on March 1st at the Hyde County Memorial Auditorium. Among those looking forward to this event is Holabird Advocate Publisher, Jerry Hinkle, who is in desparate need of a pizza cutter from Sully Buttes since losing the previous one sometime last summer. Since they are free, perhaps he should pick up two of them.
TOP TEN PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BECOME HUMAN SHIELDS
by Jerry Hinkle, Special to the Holabird Advocate
It has come to my attention that some Americans, for whatever reason, are signing up to go to Iraq as "human shields". I don't know what this will do for the war on terrorism, but it will sure help the war on ignorance. GOODBYE TURKEYS. Ahem, now then, with the spirit of "Do it for America" I have figured out some more folks who I feel should also sign up to do this as well. So with that in mind, FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN HOLABIRD, SOUTH DAKOTA,HERE ARE THE TOP TEN PEOPLE THAT SHOULD BECOME HUMAN SHIELDS
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Bill Janklow
3. Barbara Striesand (on the condition that she sings and is in earshot of Saddam)
4. Alleged comic Carrot Top
5. Gilbert Godfried ( on the condition that he is also in earshot of Saddam and says "AFLAC" at least once every 30 seconds)
6. Celine Dion (same as conditions on # 3)
7. Any of "The Ladies" from "The View" (including Baba Wawa)
8. Any of Harry Smith's cohosts from "The Early Show"
9. Eminem
10.Justin Timberlake