Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma.
After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers.
The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise.
"What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name, maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise. "What's the boy's name?" The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Bubba and Cooter were standing at the base of a flagpole in Midland, Texas, looking up. A blonde woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba, 'But we don't have a ladder.'
The blonde woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away.
Cooter shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'
Bubba and Cooter are currently supervising the reconstruction of New Orleans.

Bubba and Cooter were standing at the base of a flagpole in Midland, Texas, looking up. A blonde woman walked by and asked what they were doing. 'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba, 'But we don't have a ladder.' The blonde woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away. Cooter shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height and she gives us the length!' Bubba and Cooter are currently supervising the reconstruction of New Orleans.

You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your front porch collapses
and four dogs get killed.
You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
N on
A thletic
S port
C reated
A round
R ednecks

Quoting boorah

You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH." Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen. Your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed. You think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. N on A thletic S port C reated A round R ednecks

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly...The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer.The three men had always done everything together.Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'The mortician thought this was rather strange.So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...Roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two a**holes.''What? He had two a**holes?' asked the mortician.'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:'There's Bubba with them two a**holes.'

Quoting billzeke

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly...The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer.The three men had always done everything together.Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'The mortician thought this was rather strange.So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...Roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two a**holes.''What? He had two a**holes?' asked the mortician.'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:'There's Bubba with them two a**holes.'

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly...The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer.The three men had always done everything together.Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'The mortician thought this was rather strange.So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...Roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two a**holes.''What? He had two a**holes?' asked the mortician.'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:'There's Bubba with them two a**holes.'

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly...The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two bestfriends, Cooter and Gomer.The three men had always done everything together.Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Bubba.'The mortician thought this was rather strange.So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up...Roll him over.'The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Bubba.'The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'Gomer said, 'Well, Bubba had two a**holes.''What? He had two a**holes?' asked the mortician.'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:'There's Bubba with them two a**holes.'

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bobs house.

Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?

Yeah!

Did they chop up your firewood?

Yep.

Happy Birthday Buddy

Quoting GentlyWoman

Uh, my dad does wear black knee-socks with walking shorts and sandals. I think that counts.

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bobs house.

Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?

Yeah!

Did they chop up your firewood?

Yep.

Happy Birthday Buddy

That is a funny joke!Does it matter what color socks???My dad used to wear white. Does that count lol

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bobs house.

Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?

Yeah!

Did they chop up your firewood?

Yep.

Happy Birthday Buddy

Uh, my dad does wear black knee-socks with walking shorts and sandals. I think that counts.

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bobs house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bobs house.

GW & CD, I am doing the "I'm not worthy" bow to you both !!! I thought I'd seen all of these, but you sneaked a few new ones in, plus some great oldies.

Thank you !!!!! I don't have a taxidermist on speed dial, but I probably know more than 20. Does that count??

More than 20 CG???? Holy Moly. I know about 5--and only two of them are worth the cost of the frames the hides go on....

And TO GENTLY: Like CG, I've found a lot of new ones in here to guffaw over. Plus, I've printed all of them out and will be typing them up [minus the dupes] to print out and give to my deli/restaurant staff as required reading. I insist they all get at least one uproarious laugh per day.

Pat

Quoting Conyersguy

GW & CD, I am doing the "I'm not worthy" bow to you both !!! I thought I'd seen all of these, but you sneaked a few new ones in, plus some great oldies.

Thank you !!!!! I don't have a taxidermist on speed dial, but I probably know more than 20. Does that count??

More than 20 CG???? Holy Moly. I know about 5--and only two of them are worth the cost of the frames the hides go on....

And TO GENTLY: Like CG, I've found a lot of new ones in here to guffaw over. Plus, I've printed all of them out and will be typing them up [minus the dupes] to print out and give to my deli/restaurant staff as required reading. I insist they all get at least one uproarious laugh per day.

Redneck Man's pick up lines
1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em.
6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.
8) Fat Penguin................... Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I Think he went into this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep 'til afternoon.
And.... The best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

Redneck Man's pick up lines 1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away. 2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special. 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in. 4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to check you out. 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em. 6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole. 7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away. 8) Fat Penguin................... Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice. 9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock. 10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I Think he went into this cheap motel room. 11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner. 12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep 'til afternoon. And.... The best for last! 13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list. 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. 14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 17. You have a rag for a gas cap. 18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. 19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 20. You can spit without opening your mouth. 21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side. 24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements. 28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.