Don’t Look Back In Anger

What would you do if you woke up tomorrow in your younger self? If you had all the memories you’d made up to this point, but had somehow ben transported into your younger body. Would you change any of the decisions you’ve made in the past? And more importantly, would you want to?

It’s one of those things that I think about from time to time, usually late at night when I can’t sleep. For the most part, on the face of it, I always think there’s so much I’d want to change. Though I think that just by going back I’d change so much anyway, just because I’m a completely different person to who I was even five years ago. I’m more sure of myself than I was at 17, or even 20.

I always think that if I were to go back, when I’d want to go back to. Although there’s possibly one or two things I’d change about my early childhood, and having so few responsibilities would be great, I don’t think I’d want to go back any earlier than eleven. That leaves me with four pivotal moments I would possibly go back to, one starting just before starting secondary school, one just before deciding GCSEs, one just before choosing which A-Levels, and one just before starting university.

The question then is if you did go back what would you change? And more importantly, even if you did try to change anything would you actually be able to change anything at all. I think even if you did go back some things would automatically change, just because some of those tiny insignificant decisions we make everyday may be different. Who knows if those tiny insignificant choices could end up being significant after all. Maybe deciding one day to walk to school instead of taking the bus might change your whole life. The complete opposite may also be the case, where no matter how hard you try to change something it will still end up happening, maybe there are some points that are completely fixed in time.

If you could go back would you still meet the same people, would you make the same friendships, would you date the same people? I know there are some people I probably wouldn’t date again, purely in the interests of being true to myself. But by the same note there are people I would seek out specifically, friendships I’d hope I’d make no matter which lifetime I lived in. The only issue is, is that if what by changing your life, changing your decisions, you never end up meeting those people. Maybe not meting those people will change the course of their lives as well. Or maybe there are people that you have to meet at just the right moment in your life, that by meeting them too early or too late they are no longer the same person you remember them as, because they’d have different memories and experiences as well.

Overall, if I did go back there are things that I would change. But probably only the little things, things I wish I hadn’t said, I’d want to be nicer to everyone, to be a better version of myself. But all those big decisions, those life choices, they’ve made me who I am today. As I get older I realise there’s less and less I would change. That journey, those experiences, they’ve made me the person I am today. The bad and the good, those times when things are difficult, those times that are great, they’re all a part of me. I’m not a finished product, I still have a lot to learn. But being me, and the life that has led me here. I’m happy with that. I’m happy being me.