Using my voice to defend those we cannot yet hear.

What Was All That One In A Million Talk?

Not long ago I was living with an incurable form of infertility. Complete tubal occlusion was the actual diagnosis. This meant that instead of fallopian tubes I had more like fallopian twigs. No tubes just solid, blocked up, want to be tubes that had zero room for natural conception to occur within them. Sometimes tubal occlusion can be mended with surgery by removing the blocked portion of the tube, unfortunately my occlusion was complete and there was no way we could fix the blockage, all I could do was remove the tubes completely and that wouldn’t help me get pregnant. So between my occlusion and my severe endometriosis I was told to choose an A.R.T. or adopt. I’d never have kids on my own. The doctors exact words were “the odds are less than 1 in a million”.
Needless to say it was not the way I planned my early twenties going.
I underwent multiple surgeries in a years time to try and remedy my physical pain from my endometriosis diagnosis but each surgery made it harder to accept that there was no way to fix my tubal occlusion.
After years of fighting my infertility and attempting to adopt we finally resolved to live child free. And we were okay with it. Not thrilled, but okay.
Finally in the fall of 2015 I’d had enough pain and was ready to move forward with the recommended hysterectomy procedure. Sure I would lose all my reproductive organs but I wasn’t using them anyways, and I would finally be out of pain.
I had many talks with God about it. I never once felt like he was telling me no. In fact I felt the opposite. I felt like God had me on this journey for a reason and moving forward with removing my “broken parts” was just the next step in following this crazy plan he laid out for me. I wanted to give God one more opportunity to save me from the reality I was in, not that he needed me to give him anything but more like he needed me to accept something. I went in for one last final HSG test to reconfirm my tubes were indeed completely closed and beyond repair. We had already done this test back in May 2015 and I felt zero change in my body between then and October when my last pre hysterectomy test would take place. We had dozens of people praying with us for years but I had accepted that those prayers were not being answered for a specific reason.
I had absolutely no expectations of a change in test results it was just a hoop we had to jump through before closing the door on this painful part of life.
So I went and had the HSG test which attempts to flush dye through the fallopian tubes as we watch where the dye goes on the ultrasound screen. It was the most painful test I’ve ever taken and it was all I could do to stay on the table for the whole thing but I made it through. When I sat up my husband asked the doctor what results I had and he replied with “normal”. We were confused so we questioned normal for me or normal for a normal girl? Both me and my husband were in complete disbelief when the doctor said my previously closed and destroyed tubes were normal like a healthy woman’s tubes. Not a single little bit of blockage showed and I had perfectly healthy happy fallopian tubes for the first time in my adult life. It was a complete miracle with no scientific explanation whatsoever. Of course we cried and hugged and said thank you God but I felt like I was in a dream I didn’t want to wake up from.
After we found out this great news we were overwhelmed with decisions. I still had my endometriosis and that is a painful awful disease but it shouldn’t prevent me from conceiving so even though it’s coming at some point we pushed the hysterectomy off until later in the future. We decided we’d try to get pregnant and just see what happens. Even open tubes don’t guarantee a woman gets pregnant so once again I had no expectations.
Less than 4 weeks later I was pregnant! I knew right away because for the first time in a long time I didn’t feel the endometriosis pain and I knew that subsided in pregnancy which is just the cherry on top.
When we went in for our first prenatal appointment my doctor about fell over at the news. I must admit it was nice to see her eat those 1 in a million words!

We’ve had a perfect pregnancy thus far with no complications or worries. It’s like I’m still in that dream I don’t want to wake up from.
I’m at 22 weeks now and been told I’m having a girl. She loves to move along to music and her dads voice.
As crazy as the ride was to get here I wouldn’t change any of it.
Even the struggles are valuable in my mind because they are part of why I’m where I am today. I’m so grateful life didn’t go as I planned but rather as God planned for me.
I used to have dreams about the babies I would never have and I’d wake up really sad. Last night I dreamt about babies and for the smallest moment when I woke up I felt sad, like the infertile woman I was hadn’t fully left me yet. And then I felt a kick, smiled, and whispered thank you!