Today's edition of Sputnik Profiles will cover a well-known veteran Sputniker, and Contributing Reviewer: BallsToTheWall. As always, The Analyzer only participates in an objective analysis, and would also like to wish all of his readers in the U.S. a happy Thanksgiving.

Strengths: Strength itself (most are aware of user BallsToTheWall's bulging physique), extreme knowledge of the Metal Universe, an incredibly high tolerance for mead and the spiritual prowess to summon the Dark Lord Chtulu -- these are all characteristics that the Sputnik community has come to know Balls by. Balls is also a talented writer who has consistently been an authority on all things metal since joining the site in 2007, and has amassed an incredible 24,772 comments in the process. Treading the line between respect and fear, most users view Balls as the 'wylie' veteran that he is.

Weaknesses: Slowly sliding down the rabbit hole of insanity. Balls' comments, music taste and list subject matter have been growing stranger with each passing day. He's recently made lists with titles such as "Chtulhu Youth Group," "Getting Grim in South Florida" and "Ode to the Waffle House." User BallsToTheWall has almost assumed an Ally-Sheedy-in-The-Breakfast-Club-like role in the community, where users both old and new are aware of the great reward that can come with a Balls interaction, but are also tepidly aware that he may quickly explode into a cloud of dark evil. He also has not been reviewing much as of late, preferring instead to drift along in the shadows, quiety recruiting users for his various occult purposes.

Posting Tendencies: While Balls was at one time a consistently reliable source of knowledge for all heavy music, he now spends a good portion of his time with comments such as "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" and occasionally a "kvlt a'nrgflsfag" or a surprisingly insightful observation on sports (which The Analyzer believes to be some sort of 'deal' with an odd group of users that call themselves TMF).

Overall Sputnik Score: 9.2. Overall, user BallsToTheWall has contributed as much to this website as any user, and has earned his spot among the upper echelon of Sputnikers. His tendency for being a recluse as of late and some borderline frightening warning signs are the only factors keeping this user from a perfect score.

This made my day. If it wasn't for responsibilities id be more productive. But next week, expect a review, some lists detailing my hatred for my dads girlfriend, love for metal and shoegaze, and Ginny Weasely.

She threatens my families peaceful balance, I and thy brothers will taker her down a peg or two. All our kin hate her actually so it's gonna be a rumble. May Cthulhu and the elder ones bless this judgment day.

Also dude Id propose to Ginny in a hartbeat. That scene in Hollows makes me a sad jealous panda.

I wouldn't bang Ginny. Id make sweet magic with her. I'd take her out to a nice classy restaurant followed by a stroll in a rich, historical forest, and do that dance that Harry and Hermione did. Seriously, what an asshole, already had one in the bag and then goes after his bro's girl. No bueno.