It sounds like you're going thru something similar to a friend of my kids. I hope you don't mind if I share with you what I told him: You don't
need to be fixed, you just still have some growing and learning to do, and especially with regards to yourself. Maybe it's time for you to focus on
a relationship with YOU! I'm pretty sure there's an awesome person inside just waiting to get out and live and love and play with you. Explore,
expand and experience YOU! You'll find strengths you didn't know you had, and you'll turn weaknesses into strengths. Sometimes you'll laugh,
sometimes you'll cry, and all along the way you'll find wonders to behold both within and without. And just start by loving yourself and knowing
you're worth the effort. I'll be rooting for you and sending you love and strength the whole way.

If for some reason, this particular relationship doesn't work out, it only means that that this particular person wasn't meant for you.

Who knows, maybe you'll end up meeting someone new who's been through the exact same things you have, has made all of the same mistakes, and the two
of you can mature, love and appreciate each other more based on what you've learned together. It happens!

Everyone goes through scenarios where you feel like the world is ending or crashing down around you. Yours is no better or worse then what everyone
deals with so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

I will start by saying I don't know you. I don't post often enough on ATS but I've been reading here a long time. I've seen many "nuts" come and
go.

Judging by your original post, I, at first, assumed you were writing poetry. As I continued down the page, I discovered you were serious in your OP.
I'll say, chasing her, isn't a good idea. You sound unstable.

Piggybacking off of people across the country to reach a woman who left you, as you said, for obvious reasons, is a terrible idea. I'm just assuming
here but considering you need help with gas and food means you don't have a job. This to a woman, a man who can't hold a job, is a serious problem.
Have you hit rock bottom due to this and perhaps drugs? Statistically speaking, these are two of the most common reasons people hit rock bottom
(laziness or drugs). I'm not saying these are the ONLY two reasons (I've hit rock bottom from reasons outside of the two I mentioned) but,
reiterating, those are the two most common. You instability leads me to believe it may be one, if not both of the two most common cases. Perhaps your
instability stems from the break-up, this is possible (but unlikely) due to the reasons I just mentioned.

I can almost guarantee that if you somehow managed to find her she would look at you like a legitimate nut-job and this would likely make things worse
(restraining order?). Stay home, wherever that may be, deal with your emotions like a normal and reasonable man. Don't react immorally or illegally
(or stupidly). Breaking up sucks, especially with someone you love or are in love with, but it happens and the feelings as a result are completely
normal. The pain is severe (I know ...) but in a majority of cases it makes you a better person. Why? Simple. If it was the person who you were meant
to be with, you wouldn't be dealing with what you are now. If you feel like this is the person you were meant to be with, you would stay home and get
your # straight and prove to her you're the man she's meant to be with (not chase her halfway across the country on a strangers dime).

Learn from your mistakes. Quit being a pussy. Stop talking to her about it, BE about it.

If you've hit rock bottom, all I can say is, congratulations! Rock bottom is a blank slate, but with knowledge. You can draw or write whatever you
want on that blank slate. Decide your direction, with nothing to hold you back...or left, or right, etc. When people hit rock bottom, many just keep
finding a new bottom, addicted to failure and unhappiness. Many others, however, know what they don't want...and have the freedom to explore what
they do want.

Nothing to lose, nothing to keep you from doing what you want to do, being who you want to be. Its quite intoxicating. The key is to control it, and
realize the "high wave" you'll right once you re-engage from rock bottom isn't a permanent feeling. It is just the excitement of new birth. I'm
sure if i'm being entirely clear, but hopefully its helpful. I've been there, and it allowed me to make shifts I had wanted to - intended to - for
years.

Breathe... Like many here I am around if you need to talk. Be gentle with yourself, don't beat yourself up and be mindful of what you do. But most of
all be gentle with yourself. It ain't easy being here sometimes and I recon those of us who suffer the most also learn the most. Good luck xxx

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