Love Taught by an Ape-Man

You know that the right side of your mustache is just a little bit lower than the left?” utters Jane (Margot Robbie) scornfully towards antagonist, Leon Rom (Christoph Waltz), leader of the corrupt and dangerous colonial Belgian government that appears bent on enslaving the Congolese people simply to generate maximum profits on their colonial ownership of the Congo state.

The Legend of Tarzan centers around many key characteristics like justice and integrity, but ultimately becomes just another confused action movie as it employs typical hero-romantic elements and backward generalizations from archaic patriarchal societies.

We join the story towards the end of the 1800s. The Belgian king is rapidly running out of money after spending great sums supposedly modernizing his Congolese territory. Pushed to the brink, his shadowy assistant, Leon Rom, makes it clear that he will stop at nothing to secure a burgeoning payday for his royal boss while later paradoxically hinting at a desire for more personal glory.

In the midst of a PR scandal, the Belgian government is in desperate need for someone to go to the Congo, smile for the camera and assure the suspicious press that everything is up to snuff. Thus, enter Africa’s biggest hero (that is, a white man who gets “them”) to save the day: Tarzan (Alexander Skarsg?rd).

In the midst of the royal plea for Tarzan to travel to the Congo, veteran warrior with a dark past, George Washington Williams (Samuel L. Jackson), explains to all that he’s hearing rumblings of slavery in the Congo and he needs help to find the truth. Tarzan confidently rejects all propositions.

After chasing Tarzan down and employing some careful persuading, George is just able to convince Tarzan to go. The stage is then set for a great adventure, which begins with Tarzan telling Jane that it is far too dangerous for her in the jungle. Ironically recall that this is the same jungle where she once saved Tarzan.

And so, the journey begins: George is searching for evidence of slavery, Tarzan is going to kind of investigate if his animal and human friends are okay and well, Jane just needed a break from the triteness of her posh life in England.

Upon reaching Africa, Tarzan wastes no time tearing off his clothes in a last-ditch effort seeming to tacitly explain to all the female viewers why this movie is so worth watching. Male moviegoers will feel dismay that Jane never stoops so low.