Monday, November 26, 2012

Jam of the Week: "Snake Charmer" by Jessica Lowndes

The current Jam of the Week also takes the title for being one of the most ridiculous tunes I've heard in a while. The song is "Snake Charmer" and the artist is Jessica Lowndes. You're probably thinking, wtf is a jessica lowndes? Well, she's the oval-faced bitch who plays Adrianna Tate-Duncan on 90210 (the uber shitty but incredibly addicting reboot, not the glorious original).

To understand why this song exists, we must first delve into the complex character that is Adrianna Tate-Duncan. (She has a hyphenated last name, so you know her life is just that complicated.) She begins the series as a former child actress with a serious drug addiction. By her seventeenth birthday, she's already gone to rehab and given up her baby for adoption. In the second season, Adrianna gets a second chance at fame when a foreign pop star named Javier asks her to tour with him. Unfortunately, they're involved in a car accident. Javier dies, and Adrianna doesn't even have a scratch on her. She's so uninjured, in fact, that she's able to steal Javier's book of song lyrics, which she uses to advance her solo career. Once her deception is discovered, she becomes the most hated woman in America (think Casey Anthony or Kristen Stewart). At this point, Adrianna gets a reality show.

By the fourth season, Adrianna is working as a waitress and it's as if she was never famous. But, as luck would have it, her new bf Dixon is also into music and together they start making waves in the industry. However, their partnership takes a bad turn and pretty soon Adrianna is back to her solo career, which, in a very Taylor Swift-esque move, she decides will be in country music. Um okay, because Beverly Hills bitches know so much about country music.

And here we are. Adrianna releases "Snake Charmer", which sounds like three awful dance songs rolled into one. It honestly makes no fucking sense. Like so much else on the show, the writers don't bother explaining why a country singer decided to release this song. So why is it Jam of the Week? Well, because it's so bad that it's actually kind of amazing. Take a listen and hear for yourself!