The Second First Day Of School

Today was my daughter’s first day of first grade. I wrote about her first day of school last year. I reread the post because I was curious how this year compared to last year. Last year, I wrote about my feelings of guilt associated with sending my daughter to school. I’m happy to say that guilt wasn’t top of mind today. Although, I’m sad to say that happiness and excitement were nowhere to be found.

She was quite excited for school to start. She had a brand new backpack and lunchbox. She picked out an outfit. She made special requests for lunch. She was chatting away all morning about how first grade would be different from kindergarten and even about how she was already looking forward to second grade so she could play on the monkey bars at recess. It made me happy to listen to her and see her so excited. But, I couldn’t share the feelings.

Overall, I guess I felt kind of meh. It was just another day. It didn’t even occur to me to take a picture. It was only after I got to work and people started showing me pictures of their kids and grandkids on their first day of school that I realized it is customary to mark the occasion.

I suppose this year was a step in the right direction for me. Meh is better than guilty after all. I’ve known from the moment I found out I was going to have a kid that school would be hard on me. I just have to remember that it isn’t about me. And if I keep progressing at this rate, maybe I’ll share in her excitement when she starts college.