Ok, that’s not true. There’s a much longer list of things I need, and it makes my heart race if I think about it too much. I wish I were more confident of employment in Alaska and Miami. I wish all our belongings were able to pack themselves so I wouldn’t have to pack them myself again and again. I wish my husband were able to get a full night’s sleep between all his work, studying, and stress. I wish we were sure of a place to live in Miami. I wish my sub coordinator were calling right now to tell me I have work lined up for the next month before we fly off to Alaska…

And I have to stop there before the panic sets in.

Two coats. Warm enough for an Alaskan winter. At a price that we can afford.

It’s amazing how well we’ve survived the last three years, considering how little we can afford. Right now my husband is a full-time optometry student, and I’m a substitute teacher. We aren’t raking in the dough, yet we’ve always managed to make ends meet. Rent in Miami is going to be killer, though…

No. I can’t think like that – it’ll drive me crazy. Focus. Two coats.

Some kind of down parka. Maybe that Omni-Heat stuff the sales lady showed us. Does that stuff really work? Because I don’t want to learn the hard way that it doesn’t. We scoped out a few options over the weekend, but the numbers on the price tags make my head spin a little. With my subbing money, we could maybe afford one. But two? And then the base layers, hats, and gloves we’ll need, too? It seems impossible.

But then I remind myself that over the last three years I’ve seen more than my fair share of the impossible. We shouldn’t have been able to do everything that we’ve done. We should have crashed, burned, and gone completely broke a long time ago, but right when things looked the most impossible, the blessings came pouring in. When we needed gas money to drive a truck from Seattle to Boston, our church surprised us by raising $800 for us the weekend before we left. When we didn’t have any family or friends to help us out in a new city, an incredible family “adopted” us and took care of us while we were still strangers to them. When we had to walk away from our one source of consistent income, we were given a place to live rent-free. It sounds cliché to say that the Lord will provide, but I don’t know any other way to explain it. He has never left us or forsaken us. He has made the impossible possible so many times before; I can’t help but wonder how He’ll do it again.

Two coats. That’s all I need. Two coats.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not nervous. The deadline is fast approaching, and Idon’tknow how it’s all going to work out. But that’s the point, isn’t it? That’s what keeps the panic at bay. It’s not in my hands. I wish I were able to tell you how we’ll get everything we need to stay warm in Alaska, because I have a hunch that, maybe, just maybe, how we get those coats is going to be one awesome story.