Sunday, February 08, 2009

PlaySchool

My Little Dude started PlaySchool this week.

The tears welling up behind my eyes were ridiculous. It is only one morning per week and it's definitely time. He is increasingly keen on playing with other kids and learning new things, and I can see that our life at home was becoming too small for him.

It must be said that he loved it. He used to be quite reserved when he was younger, but that's all over now. He raced straight to the playhouse there and showed absolutely no reluctance or nerves. He played with the other children happily and chatted confidently to the workers.

I was proud of him, actually. Some parents seem to go on and one about their children, who apparently are budding geniuses. My Little Dude is a bright kid, but what I like about him has nothing to do with who he will be or future success. It's all about who he is. He plays and climbs and explores with huge energy and commitment. He seems to have more fun, to enter into things more fully, than most people. He has a very joyful, uninhibited laugh. I wish I still laughed like that.

Adults comment on his lovely manners - he says "please" and "thank you" very nicely - but what I really like is his open heart. If other kids come over when he is playing with his cars, he doesn't hunch over the cars and try to keep the competition at bay. He smiles in a very friendly way and says, "Want to play?" and hands them a car. When one of them falls over and cries, he looks distressed and tries to comfort them, saying "It's alright, it's okay", and strokes their hair gently.

But he is out in the world, now, my little open-hearted boy. The big, bad, hard-hearted world. He has to go, I want him to go, but I wonder what it will do to him.

Somehow, the outsized backpack he proudly chose for himself, the symbol of his new independence, makes him look very small.

I love that. All of our kids are special, but this reminded me so much of my third boy, who we always worry about- because his heart is sooo big, and sooo filled with love and compassion, that we know he's going to feel the heartaches so much more than the others.

On the other hand, the sheer delight he takes in each person he meets, and the wonderful friend that he is to those that reach out to him, is a joy and wonder to see.

Thank you for writing this, for reminding me anew of the special joy that the little dudes (of any age) can bring.

Somehow I lost you on my blogroll. Today I notice your very insightful comment to Digger and so came here to catch up. This was such a sweet and touching posting. Such a reminder of how we love and yet have to let out little ones go.

About Me

I'm 35 years old. I work in the government. I live with a Vietnam Veteran and our baby son. I angst a lot, but I also laugh a lot. I have so much that I should be extremely grateful, and yet the truth is that I want so much more.