Thursday, January 20, 2011

According to an article on People.com, “…a son due in the spring. They plan to name the baby Antonio Sabato III after his father and grandfather – both actors – and one of his middle names will be Kamakanaalohamaikalani, which means ‘a beloved gift from the heavens.’ (The other middle name is Harvey.)”

Sunday, September 26, 2010

This has inspired us to play matchmaker and set up the stars of other reality TV shows.

The whole world, or at least the portion that watches “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” is waiting for Kourtney Kardashian to dump Scott Disick. Maybe they need to go on “Tough Love: Couples” to finally split? And, look at that, then Kourtney could fall in love with Steve Ward. That would be too cute.

Everyone loves Brad from “The Rachel Zoe Project,” so he needs a totally adorbs boyfriend. I’d like to nominate Jai Rodriguez from “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.”

Or wait, Brad and Johnny Weir, of “Be Good Johnny Weir,” had a total love connection already. They need romance and a spin-off show, stat. Brad could even design Johnny’s costumes.

Antonio Sabato Jr. went on VH1’s “My Antonio” looking for love. Instead, he should have gone on “Dancing with the Stars” and been paired with Edyta Sliwinska. They both have great tans and together would have been the sexiest couple on television.

Ryan Leslie has quickly become one of the most loathed characters in “Real World” history. Which would make him the perfect match for Danielle Staub, once she tires of Lori Michaels. The cougariness of this relationship would definitely attract attention, which is all Danielle really wants.

Sammi Giancola of “Jersey Shore” is no Snooki, but she still deserves someone way better than Ronnie. Might we suggest Doug Reinhardt from “The Hills”? He speaks just as infrequently as Ronnie, has that meathead appeal, but won’t make out with two girls at one time at the club.

Ray J and Chilli of TLC both had VH1 shows that documented their quest to find love. Hello, someone needs to set them up as soon as possible. They have a bit of an age difference, but I think they’d get along.

We are totally obsessed with Andrew Jenks of MTV’s “The World of Jenks.” We think he and Kelly Osbourne would be adorable together. We know she likes long hair—her ex-fiance Luke Worall had a similar crop—and she deserves a super sweetheart since Luke cheated on her.

The most obvious couple ever—Miss J (of “America’s Next Top Model”) and Derek J (the stylist friend of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” and a judge on “Hair Battle Spectacular”). Hello, they wouldn’t even have to change their last names.

So, above, we decided that Danielle Staub and Lori Michaels should be over. That’s because we’d rather see her with Jackie Warner of “Work Out.” Who is, uh, not just gay for the publicity.

Which leaves us with Patti Stanger, the “Millionaire Matchmaker,” who recently said goodbye to her fiance. Since she sets up women with millionaires, we think she should aim for a billionaire—like Donald Trump of “The Apprentice.” Please, like Melania will be in the picture for much longer.

Monday, October 26, 2009

And so, in the end, Antonio picked Brooke and they kissed their way into the sunset…or did they? Below, Brooke speaks candidly about the state of her relationship with Antonio, her feelings about the competition and reality TV romance and what additionally she’d like to get out of this experience.

Congratulations.

Well, thank you. That’s really, really nice to hear. No one’s been able to tell me that yet.

Where is your relationship with Antonio at this moment?

I’m just going to be honest with you: I am not in touch with Antonio. We haven’t spoken in probably two, three months.

The show was shot when?

In January. We couldn’t really court, because we weren’t allowed to be seen in public, so it’s very difficult to try to have a relationship behind closed doors. We had just met and we tried to pull it off. We saw each other for probably a couple of months after the show was filmed, and then we just decided it was best to see other people, and I haven’t heard from him since.

You did give it a try though?

Oh yeah. We put effort into it. I met his children. We would go hiking on the weekends in his back yard in the woods. We saw each other on the weekends, being very careful not to let anyone else see us. If he had any sort of job interview in L.A., he would stop by and visit me in my home. He’s adorable. We had a great time — as good of a time as you could have indoors with no outside contact. It was really nice getting to know him and his children.

Yeah. The reality of Antonio’s life is that it is very, very mellow and structured. He is a great dad. He cooks his kids breakfast, he takes them to school, they come home, he cooks them dinner and in between he gets a workout in. I think that’s great for him. He’s a family guy and he takes care of his kids. So, that was different.

No jumping out of planes, then?

Well, when you put two people together and they can’t do that kind of stuff, there has to be a lot of conversation and a deep, spiritual connection as far as establishing a foundation for a relationship. He thought that should come with time, but to me, I just felt like we didn’t have much to talk about. Don’t get me wrong: I had fun with him and his children. That was great. But do I wish we could have done some more exciting things? Of course. We could have said, “Hey, let’s put our relationship on hold and resume when we don’t have to be behind closed doors.”

Is that still possible? If Antonio called you tomorrow and said, “Let’s hang out,” what would you say?

I think we could be really good friends. I’m not mad at him. You can’t say a bad thing about Antonio Sabàto, Jr. He is beautiful and he has a very kind heart. And yeah, if he called me and wanted to go to dinner, sure. As far as picking back up in some sort of serious, committed relationship, that would take some time.

Looking at the situation in a different way, regardless of the final outcome, is it satisfying to have won this competition for the sake of competing?

Oh yeah. I’m competitive by nature. To win anything is satisfying. It was really great because once I won, I got to spend the weekend in Hawaii with Antonio, and it was a great time. I didn’t go into this thinking I was going to walk out winning. I went into this for the experience and for fun and thinking that it would be great to meet some other women. It wasn’t until he let Tully go that I thought, “Oh my God, I have a chance of winning this.” To me, he and Miranda were not a match from the beginning, because she’s so fearful and she doesn’t have an athletic bone in her body. But winning was still a great shock and immensely satisfying. Do I wish $1 million would have come with it? Yes! That would have been icing on the cake.

Did you have a strategy? I wondered if you speaking with Yvonne on the boat while everyone else was hanging all over Antonio was your way of strategizing.

I think it’s important to have a relationship with a man’s family, because the family was there first and you’re going to be brought into that bond. It’s always great to be on good terms with the in-laws, especially the mom. So that wasn’t strategy. The only strategy came from these relationship classes, which now it looks like are biting me in my butt. Basically, I just wanted to be the lady and let him be the man. I just tried to use Dr. Pat Allen’s strategy, so I’d let him speak first. I’d let him ask the questions. I wasn’t as aggressive as the other 13 women. Sitting back and letting him come to me was, in a way, my strategy. Also, at night, when you’d watch these women drink, they almost became train wrecks. I think a lot of them self-sabotaged in a way. They could have done more by not saying a word or not picking up a drink.

What are your overall thoughts on Yvonne?

Love Yvonne. I think that she is a lovely woman. Whether or not she played it up for the show, she’s got a hard side to her. I think she was a little hard on Tully, and that she came across as ruthless. But I understand where she’s coming from: she wanted an apology from Tully, and clearly she’s never going to get it. Yvonne is who she is, and you have to accept people for who they are. She happened to like me, thank God.

What do you think about Tully?

The only thing that Tully ever said that got to me while we were filming was that none of us were good enough for Antonio. I had a talk with her about that. I mean, I felt like it was positive in the sense that it showed that he’s such a good guy and that she was legitimately back for him because she missed out. The negative was that she had no idea who I was. I have high self value. She associated me with Christi and Jen and the party girls. That’s not me, but I did have more in common with them than other girls. She told me I was guilty by association. Whatever. But now that I watch the show, I feel for her. The second to last episode? How emotional. I wanted to cry. I was like, “No! Don’t let her go!” There was so much love there. I couldn’t believe it that he let her go before Miranda.

Your relationship with Miranda was interesting. You were very civil toward each other, even down to the end, although she had less-than-civil stuff to say about you in interviews. What do you think about her, and the “cheerleader” comment?

I think Miranda is quite interesting, and I think she will do very well. You could probably make a show about Miranda and her quirky self. She lives in a bubble and she’s a little OCD. I felt like she wasn’t always who you see Miranda to be. I felt like she had a different side when the cameras weren’t there. She was not a happy person, and I am a happy person. It could just be the fact that she’s from New York, and I’m from Mississippi. I sing and I dance and I’m kind of silly, but she takes till 2 in the afternoon to wake up and she doesn’t want any noise till then. We’re just two totally different personality types. Would we hang out had we not been put in that situation? No. But we did make it work. She made the cheerleading comment because I was happy, and I don’t think it was just because of the Survivor-type challenge. Just walking to different locations, I would sing, and it just annoyed her. She’s just not that way. So I guess she still doesn’t like cheerleaders, so whatever. That’s OK.

It’s interesting that you talk about your approach to let Antonio talk first, because you were also assertive with him. You openly questioned his career status.

Let me start here: I did not know who Antonio Sabàto, Jr., was before I did this show. I knew he created a name for himself, but the reality is that if you’re an actor and you’re doing a reality show, your acting career isn’t on top. I’m not an idiot. I just wanted to know what his goals were. What if he got in a car wreck tomorrow and no longer looked like he does? I didn’t know what he’d done as far as preparing a future. I knew that he had two kids. It was a legitimate concern of mine to know how he’d be able to provide, especially if he chose me and we had more children. But I thought his answer was awesome. He said that he’s been providing for himself since he was 16-years-old and he has the drive of 1,000 horses. He couldn’t have answered that in a better way. I don’t care if you have money, but as long as you have ambition and the wits about you to make the money, I’m good.

Was your request for a relationship contract also a product of your concern about the way things work on reality TV?

No. I like that it came across to you that way, but that’s not it at all. It’s again Dr. Pat Allen’s theory. I actually shouldn’t have said it in the context that I did – I should have waited till he was trying to sleep with me or whatever. I just wanted Antonio to know that I’m not an easy girl to be with, that if he wanted a casual, sexual relationship, that’s just not me. Basically, before taking that plunge, I wanted to know: how often are you going to see me, is it just going to be me and what are your long-term goals for me? I want to be courted, and regardless of an engagement ring or whatever, those things are important to know before I let someone in.Looking back on everything – competing, winning, breaking up with Antonio – are you disappointed with the way this all turned out?

No. I would love for this to parlay into some great hosting career or some other great experiences derived from the show, but overall I have no regrets. I’ll never not nurse. I love what I do, but at the same time, it’d be nice to have some options.

Did you go on this show looking for exposure?

Yeah. I mean…I prayed a lot about appearing on it. The doors just opened, my employers told me that I could take a leave even for a month, and if I would have said no, I would have been the only block to the opportunity. I just did it. I just jumped in. I’m glad I did. Had the relationship worked out, I wouldn’t have cared about parlaying it into exposure and opportunities. But since it didn’t, I’m hoping the exposure will enable me to have other work.

Antonio called Miranda “a true original,” and he wasn’t kidding. The angel-card-reading, cuticle-oil-loving cosmopolitan “recluse” talks below about coming in second place to Brooke, whether she was really in love with Antonio, surviving a spider bite (and Yvonne!) and the life-enriching power of reality TV.

How was your time on the show?

It was really one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Just the amount of freedom I felt: freedom from myself, and daily restrictions that you tend to put on yourself. It was something new: this wild adventure.

You didn’t seem too heartbroken when Antonio chose Brooke over you.

After the first attempt at a final lei ceremony, I was so physically exhausted by my anxiety attack in the helicopter. I was so fatigued, so tired, I could hardly stand up. That night, I had a dream, and I knew he was going to pick Brooke. After I had my one-on-one with Antonio, I just knew that for whatever reason — I don’t know his reason, and we may never really know what the reason behind his choice – he was going to pick Brooke. And then when we got up to Buddha Point, and I look behind us, I see our names written in the rocks. And there’s Brooke and Antonio in the center, and then there’s Miranda off to the side. Well, I mean, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. I wasn’t going to fall to pieces.

Was there any sort of heartbreak involved?

I was sad, and I was a little disappointed. I wouldn’t really say “heartbroken.” I don’t know if “confused” is the right word. I didn’t really don’t know what I was feeling.

Did you get over it quickly?

Yeah, I did. It was weird, within 10 minutes of Antonio saying goodbye to me at Buddha Point, they gave me back my cell phone, and I called my best friend, Joey. He started crying on the phone. His dog has died when I was filming the show. So, I went from Antonio saying goodbye, to Joey really needing me. It was kind of like, “Next. OK, it’s time to move on with your life.” The circle of life, it just continues. It was kind of almost symbolic of the experience coming full circle.

You did at one point say that you thought you were falling in love with Antonio. Looking back, were you really?

Antonio is not hard to fall in love with. He’s a great guy. And when you’re with one man for 30 days, and that’s your focus and where your attention is and where your heart is, in essence…I wasn’t lying.

I didn’t know if you were just caught up in the moment.

Not really. Honestly, I’m not in love with Antonio now, but I still really respect him as a person. I don’t regret one second of our time together in Hawaii, and it’s something I’ll always treasure in my heart.

What do you think about the fact that Brooke and Antonio are no longer together?

Frankly, I’m not surprised at all. Brooke’s a good girl, and I like her. But I just felt like, with me, it’s “what you see is what you get.” I don’t really pretend to be something I’m not. The producers really do their focus and do their skew. The world thinks I’m so high maintenance, and that’s just…whatever. Not to change the subject, but in reality, I’m easy-going, down to earth, grounded, nonjudgmental, open-minded. That’s what’s important, not lipstick and cuticle oil.

There’s superficial high maintenance, and then there’s emotional high maintenance.

Exactly. I mean, of course body hygiene, grooming, beauty treatments are all important. Those are things I enjoy. Those are things that I want in a mate, in a friend, in anyone in my life. But regarding the question about Antonio and Brooke not being together, the whole show Antonio’s big line was “Brooke always has a smile on her face. Brooke is always happy.” Nobody is always happy all of the time. It’s just not natural. As human beings, we experience a gazillion emotions a day. So my perception of it was maybe that she was trying to be something that it’s impossible to be all of the time. So in that regard, he wasn’t really seeing the true Brooke. He got the true Miranda, and he really liked the true Miranda. He may still like the true Miranda.

Have you talked to him?

Just on Facebook. He friended me on Facebook. And when my dog almost died, he sent me some really nice messages and was concerned for Ollie. He knows how much Ollie means to me. It meant a lot to me that he reached out to me then. But as far as any other contact: no, we haven’t seen each other, and he hasn’t called me.

You and Brooke were particularly a particularly civil Final 2, but you had some pointed interviews about her. So what is your overall feeling on Brooke? Is she the cheerleader that you hate, that you were just getting along with because you had to?

I don’t hate anybody, so I definitely didn’t hate Brooke. She may have annoyed me, and there were times when I could see right through her. I felt that she could be judgmental of me or critical. She would be smiling, but not really smiling. I’m a very good judge of character. I’m an intuitive feeler as a person. It’s just that she’s from the South, and Southern women are raised like that: to have a smile on their face at all times. But for the most part, we understood each other.

On the show, you said how you overcame a hundred fears. It really helped you change as a person?

I had never even flown on an airplane by myself, so to step on not one but two airplanes to go to Hawaii alone was huge for me as a person. And then there were all of the things along the way with Antonio: the zip line and the helicopter and the heights. That’s on top of being in a house with fifteen different women. I’m really not used to all that estrogen.

It’s interesting, because my initial impression of you was that you were cosmopolitan and Sex and the City-like.

That’s kind of the enigma about me, because I am cosmopolitan. I live in New York City. I have two degrees in fashion. I’ve been a working actress and makeup artist for the last ten years. I love beauty and glamor. But I’m just a homebody at heart. I love building my apartment. I love entertaining in my home with my friends. I’m really rooted.

You used the word “recluse” at one point in reference to yourself.

I tease that I’m a little Greta Garbo-ish. I like to be alone, I enjoy my own company. And sometimes I do have to push myself to go out. There are times that I’d rather be home in my robe and slippers and glasses with my dog, Ollie, not having to go out. There are plenty of red carpets that I turn down for many premieres, because I’d just rather be at home.

Because you’re an actress, how much did the promise of exposure factor into your reason for doing this show?

Next to zero. That wasn’t my reason. In fact, because I’ve been acting for several years – on The Guiding Light and All My Children in various recurring parts, and I’ve worked on 30 Rock and an independent movie, Cupidity – I have my SAG and AFTRA cards. It’s not like I just woke up and said, “I want to be an actress, I’ll be on a reality show.” And some people warned me about going from acting to reality, but I just wondered, why can’t I do both? My limit myself? I actually found out about this show by going to my AFTRA meeting. They gave me a copy of Backstage and in the back was a listing for the Antonio Sabato Jr., Project.

And you had a crush on him, right?

I wasn’t a lovesick fan or anything, but yeah, my poster is still hanging up on the door of my old bedroom in my parents’ house. He’s right next to Brad Pitt, so he’s in good company.

You got along with Tully better than most of the girls, right?

Definitely. I think she’s a good girl. We’re friends. The girls were so adamant and just crazed about her presence, but what could we do? She was there. I learned a lot from Tully. She’s a very smart woman. I like to be around smart people.

Similarly, Yvonne wasn’t particularly hard on you.

I liked Yvonne, and I wanted her to like me. We had a lot more in common than maybe she knew. We both have Yorkies. Yvonne friended me on Facebook a couple of months ago. I accepted her friendship. She was a bit harsh about my spider bite, though.

Yeah, that was ridiculous.

It was ridiculous and it was actually rude. I think she just wanted to say something to dig at me and she didn’t really know what to say. You know, to say I didn’t want to sculpt that day was bulls***. I went to art school, and we got our nails done every week anyway. That was in my contract.

Really?

Yeah. Antonio likes good hands and feet, and I’m used to getting a manicure and pedicure every week. I couldn’t just go on an island and let myself fall to pieces. So I told them, “We’re gonna need a little maintenance.” But yeah, the spider bite was about the size of a quarter, and when the producers finally found out, they got me to a hospital. My priority is myself, and I wasn’t going to risk my health for any man. I never got an apology from Yvonne, and I heard that she’s still talking about it in some interview she recently did.

In all, do you have any regrets?

No. “Non, je ne regrette rien,” like Edith Piaf. My Reiki Master told me before the show that the universe wouldn’t send me anywhere that would bring me harm, and that Hawaii was a very sacred and special place, and that I’d be protected there. Ultimately I was. I left with a feeling of peace on my heart and a sense of pride at what I’d accomplished.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tully started her run on My Antonio as the villain, but she ended up endearing herself to viewers (if the majority of comments on this blog can be believed) as the girl who was really, truly there for Antonio. It helps that they have a history that stretches back to the early ’90s, when they were married. Just a minor tidbit, that. Below, Tully talks about rekindling things with her ex in front of cameras, her feelings on Yvonne and her competitors, and whether her heart will go on after parting ways with Antonio yet again.

How have you been emotionally since shooting the show?

After coming home, going through a three-month recuperation for my injury took my mind off things a little bit. But then watching the show brought up every single emotion that I had during the experience. The final show was like ripping a scab off the wound.

What did you think of Antonio’s reasoning for letting you go: you make him feel like a kid, but he’s no longer a kid?

I don’t think of him as a kid. I felt like he was running again. I felt like he was running away from his emotions.

What do you think about his final two of Brooke and Miranda?

I love Miranda. I like Brooke. But no. Neither one of them is right for Antonio. His lifestyle is different from what they think. They look at him like fans, or they wonder what he can to for them, in one girl’s case. Antonio isn’t a partier. His kids come first. He needs someone who will completely accept the fact that he’s got an entire family that’s involved in his life. He’s not going to be out dancing or clubbing or drinking. He’s very quiet, and if they don’t like home life and just want the glitz and glamor, they’re going to be disappointed.

Tell me about your history with Antonio.

Antonio chased me from the time he was 17. I didn’t give in until he was 20, when he took me to a beach and said, “I’m serious. I want to marry you. It’s all I ever wanted. You’ve known that. I can’t do [General Hospital] without you. I need to know I have love and support at home.” We were in Vegas the next day, and that’s where we got married. He had lied and told me he was 21. I saw him filling out “20″ on the form, and called him out on it. He said, “I knew you wouldn’t date me if you knew I was younger.” And he was right.

And you were married to him for how long?

Two years, two months, too long. We got married in May of ‘92, and we were divorced in July ‘94.

So about 15 years pass, and you’re holding a candle for him the entire time?

I went on with my life. I was dating someone and I had a child during that time. But then I heard that Antonio was single again, and looking for love, and I thought, “Why not me?”

Were you apprehensive to give it another go in front of cameras?

I’m so used to cameras on me, they were easy to tune out. At the beginning it was more difficult, but as we moved deeper into it, I would forget that cameras were around.

But just the entire situation of having show challenges and restrictions and a house full of women you were living with must have made this very different from the first time you were romantically involved with Antonio.

It was completely different. To be around these women who were brutal to me and so wrong for Antonio, and watching him have to sort through them and taking a backseat to that and trust him, that was all difficult. But I had to prove to him that I was willing to take that role.

Now that you’ve attempted to find love with Antonio both in private and in front of cameras, do you think finding love on reality TV is possible?

It’s more difficult because of the cameras, but if two people come in there with honest intentions in their hearts, I would say that it is a possibility. If the motives are pure.You talk about the girls being brutal, but you had some choice words for them as well.

If I ever said anything about someone, it was only because I was brutally attacked over and over and over again in the house. There’s a point where your back is so up against the wall that you feel like you have to defend yourself as a person, and not just be a punching bag. So every once in a while I would vocalize the truth.

What did you think of Christi’s betrayal?

I was clueless about that till I watched the show. She’d been brutal to me and she came up to me one day and said she wanted to be friends and we should talk. I’m so frickin’ naïve, that I was like, “OK! Yeah!” I think women, as a whole, should have each other’s backs completely. I took her at face value, and was shocked when I saw her intentions weren’t pure. And then I had this devastating injury where I had internal bleeding, and went into hypovolemic shock because I jumped off my horse to help her. And then to watch her come back and say, “Me me me me me,” had me floored. There was no general sympathy from her at all.

Yvonne had even less sympathy. She didn’t even think that you were injured.

It was almost funny that she was insisting I wasn’t even hurt. I was amazed that she could be so brutal.

Why does she resent you so much? I know you asked her that question, but do you have any theories?

Antonio loves me, and in her head, that’s always a concern. With other women, she can control him, but with me she can’t. He has this underlying, deep love for me, and I think her fear is that she’d lose control of her son if we were to fall in love and get back together again.

Do you hate her?

I don’t. I feel sorry for her, and I feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for her that she doesn’t have someone who she feels puts her first and she has to take all that from Antonio. And I feel sorry for him that he has a mother who won’t let go and puts so much pressure on him.

Do you at least appreciate her as a character on this show when you watch it?

When I can understand her. But I think a lot of women are appalled that a 37-year-old man lets his mother have so much say in his life. I understand that as a mom, my son will always be my baby boy, but there comes a time that you have to trust that you’ve given them skills that will allow them to fend for themselves and make decisions on their own. Your job as a parent is to love them and back them. It’s not to micromanage.

Your behavior was deemed “desperate” by your fellow contestants. What do you think of that?

I think that was Brooke’s word over and over again. I thought it was interesting that “desperate” was the word they came up with and not “loving” or “100 percent here for him” or “vulnerable.” To love a man and to open up completely show him that you love him, that’s desperate? I would not want a relationship where I couldn’t be open 100 percent.

You did take some extreme measures, though, like when you interrupted his date with Christi via Jet Ski.

All I can say about that is that I thought he was going to send me home, and I just wanted him to give me a chance.

What about the wedding dress?

Well, like you said in your blog, wasn’t everyone else in a wedding dress a few days ago? Why is it such a shock when Tully turns up in one? Antonio even said that he was sorry that he didn’t get to see me in a wedding dress.

Any thoughts on Antonio’s foot fetish?

Antonio loves my feet. He used to love cracking my toes, but he also liked sucking on them. A lot of people jumped on me, saying I was disgusting for sucking on his fingers, but we always used to do that kind of stuff. We used to suck on each other’s fingers, hands, ears, feet…you name it. I don’t need to go any further. Plus, by doing that, I was kind of egging the girls on. If I love somebody, yeah, I’m sucking on their fingers.

As you were sailing off on the Ciao Bella, you were sending Antonio one last hula message, right?

Yes. It was, “Here’s my heart, I leave it with you.”

So where are you with that? Is your heart with him?

I think a piece of my heart is always going to be with Antonio, but Max, my son, takes up the rest of it. I just put on my Facebook: “Life has a way of keeping going, even when you feel like your heart has stopped beating.” Really, I feel like I’m in a good space right now. My life is very full with my son. I cut a little bit of the umbilical cord everyday so that I won’t ever be like Yvonne.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Below, My Antonio’s latest cast-off talks about the vague terms of her elimination, that fire-walking challenge and her disenchantment with the man whose love she was competing for.

How was your time on the show?

Um…it was the first time I’ve ever done any type of reality TV. It’s not really my angle as far as my career goes. But it was a good experience. I mean, I got to live in Hawaii for a month.

Did you have a clear sense of why Antonio was letting you go? He kind of spoke about it vaguely: “I let Tania go because she went as far as she could.”

A lot of what I said to him that day was cut out. Basically, I was just done. I was ready to go. I didn’t feel like I was connecting with him. I couldn’t fake the funk, and I just didn’t want to be there anymore. And really, what could he say? He didn’t have anything negative against me, and he didn’t realize that I felt this way. So when I approached him that day at the lagoon, I told him, “Listen, I’m taking a step back here, just so you know where I’m coming from.” And when he let me go, he completely used my own words to let me go. It made no sense. That’s why my exit was really really short. Because everything I was saying was like, “OK, it’s time to go, I’m ready to go. We weren’t feeling each other, and that’s it.”

Do you have any resentment over the way it went down?

I guess I kept telling myself, “Welcome to the magical world of editing!” I knew that what I truly felt wasn’t going to be exhibited that way. But, overall, I think they kept me in a pretty good light. I think that they kept me in that classy, laid-back, sexy, sophisticated light, which was what I was going for. I love reality TV. I think it’s great. It put me on the board. But I want to be able to pursue my modeling and acting career. And I don’t want anybody out there to feel like they can’t endorse me because of the way I was portrayed on TV or any of that stuff. So I’m really glad that they put me in that way. I’ve no resentment or regrets at all.

When did you start feeling that you weren’t feeling Antonio?

If I can keep it really real with you: Day One. He’s a handsome man, he has those dimples and I’m a sucker for those. Probably eighty percent of the guys I’ve dated have dimples. However, I really wasn’t feeling him to begin with. For me it became like a competition. I’m a competitive person, and I think that’s what kept me there as long as I stayed. But I really wasn’t into him, and I know that’s messed up, but that’s what TV is all about. And almost 95 percent of the girls on the show were there for their own personal gain. So I have to admit that I wasn’t feeling him anyway. He’s not my kind of guy.

Did you go into the show thinking, “OK, I’m going to compete for this guy that I don’t even really dig that much”?

I didn’t really know anything about him, just like, “OK, wow, I saw you in a Janet Jackson video, you’re hot.” I didn’t even know how we would connect speaking. I was open to it, but I didn’t really think that I was going to fall in love with this guy. I really went into it feeling: OK, this is just what I’m doing for the experience. And if something comes out of it, great. And if we have a connection, great. But after speaking to him for the first time: no. I mean there was nothing there. I feel like he’s just really bland. I’m really outspoken, and he just seemed like a really bland individual to me. I don’t mean to bash him, he’s just not my type of guy.

When you said that you felt like you weren’t in the same category as, say, Brooke or Tully, were you feeling bad about that because it was like you were losing the competition?

I think that egos are going to be involved, regardless. Nobody wants to feel like they’re not being pursued. I felt like Brooke was really confident that she was going to be around for a while, that’s why she was so chill. She was so relaxed, laid back and didn’t need the drama because I don’t think she felt threatened, I don’t think she felt like she needed to compete. With Tully…I mean, there’s history. If it were my ex-boyfriend amongst twenty other guys, you can best believe that I would favor my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t even be mad at her, even though she was a pain in the ass a lot of the time. I would treat him the same way that she did, I understand where he’s coming from with her. So I just felt like I couldn’t hang in there anymore. His mother drove me crazy and reminded me of my ex-boyfriend’s mom. And I just thought, “What am I going to do here? This isn’t working”.

Antonio called you needy after you asked him why he hadn’t yet kissed you.

And that’s such bulls***! I said “Antonio, I’m just wondering, why do I have to ask for kisses? Why do I have to steal them, why do I have to come across as being the one who is needy?” And he said, “You intimidate me.” I intimidate you, but now suddenly I’m needy? If he thinks that’s needy, that makes no sense. I mean Tully’s sucking on his finger half the time and jumping on him. She’s literally attacking him. I did that one time. But I’m suddenly needy? No! Aggressive? Maybe a little bit, because he’s just not my kind of guy. I do like aggressive men. I like football players who are like rough, tough, manly men. And, to me, he just isn’t one of those guys. So, I’ll take the aggressiveness, that’s fine. Needy? Far from it.

What did you think of the fire walk challenge? That seemed extreme, even for this show.

I was freaking out. They were telling us very honestly, when cameras weren’t even rolling, “People do get burned. It happens. If your mind isn’t there you can stop in the middle and that can cause problems. You’ve got to keep going.” They were very serious about it. Then we had to sign paperwork, and I was like, “Are you kidding me? I didn’t sign up for this!” I’m a model; I don’t want my body getting messed up. But I really did it for me. In my heart I’m a very competitive person, I’m not going to sit here and let anyone tell me that I can’t do something. Even if it’s hot coals staring at me.

Was it really hot? What did it feel like on your feet?

It really was hot! I know the coals on the right and left side were burning to thousands of more degrees. But the coals that we walked over were hot as hell. But I think if you just kept moving…I don’t know, my mind was in such a different place, and my adrenaline was pumping so hard inside of me that I really didn’t even notice. It was over as fast as it started. I mean, I could feel my feet still burning afterward. There was a little bit of blistering at the bottom of my feet, too, but at the time I didn’t notice it.

There are not many Indian women on reality TV. Did you feel any responsibility to rep for the Indian women?

I totally did. The fact that there were two [Indian] girls on one reality show was mindboggling. Like, that’s never happened. I mean, one of us would be crazy enough. But two? It really shows that people are willing to really express what America is now. We are this huge melting pot, you know? It’s no longer just black and white. And yeah, I did feel a lot of pressure. I feel like if you know anything about Indian culture in our society, they are very, very strict individuals. I mean, education is so important, that when you do something that diverges from that, you’re looked down upon. The whole process of doing reality TV amounts to throwing yourself out to the jungle, to the sharks out there. We literally volunteered: Here we are! Rip us apart! Anyone who can sit there and criticize us should imagine what it would be like to be out there, and what people would have to say about them. It’s really hard, and I think that Indian culture has probably been the hardest on us. That’s our people, but I think I’ve received the most criticism from the Indian culture.

Does that affect you at all?

Well yeah, it does, because my dad’s really old-fashioned and as it is, it’s hard for him to see me doing what I’m doing. I was planning on going to medical school before my modeling really picked up and took off and I started traveling all over the world. It’s something he still lectures me about everyday.

What kind of modeling have you been working on?

I do a lot of runway, just because I’m so tall. And here in Los Angeles you have new designers popping up every day. So I do a lot of runway modeling. Right now I’m getting more into the men’s magazines. I’m going to be shooting with Open Your Eyes magazine. I won a modeling contract with them. I’m going to be shooting with Show magazine. I have a big audition with Victoria’s Secret in two weeks, which is like my dream job, aside from being an ESPN News anchor. I’m trying to get into the acting too. I’m working on some other possible reality projects that are a little bit different than this VH1 show, something that’s more inspiring to people. I do non-profit work on the side, too.

Antonio said that he could see you two as friends. Do you agree? Are you friends with him?

I definitely felt that kind of vibe throughout. He just reminded me of a guy friend that I could just pick up the phone and call and be like “Hey, want to go watch the game?” Or, “Do you want to take the dogs hiking?” We had commonalities, but they were definitely just in a friendship level, you know? It wasn’t anything more. I didn’t feel any sparks or chemistry with him, but I definitely felt like we could be friends. However, we haven’t been in contact

Antonio said Autumn wasn’t like the other girls, and we was right. Here’s a sample from our interview with the most recently eliminated My Antonio contestant below: “I guess one of the things I was hoping for with going on this reality TV show was to be a positive character. I think just because reality TV shows have come off negatively to a lot of people, it doesn’t have to be that way.” Wow, is she a unicorn or what? Also discussed below are her NASA background, her feelings on kissing and why she doesn’t think Antonio was serious about finding love.

What did you think of your portrayal?

I think I came off pretty well. I think they tried to put me in a box as kind of prude on the show, as the young one. That’s not the worst way to come off, so I’m definitely happy that I came off more positive than negative.

What did you think of the whole “prude” issue? Was that an accurate representation of your philosophy on dating?

I guess I’d like to clarify my feelings about kissing Antonio on the show.I have no problem with kissing in the right context. Kissing can be really pleasurable, actually. I’ve had boyfriends before, and I kissed them. I was uncomfortable with kissing Antonio, because the opportunity I had was on my first date with him, which was a shared date. I was being honest when I said that I wanted to talk to him more and get to know him, because I like to know who I’m kissing. I think that to have a lasting relationship, people need to connect on three levels: physically, intellectually and emotionally. Also, I have to say, I was very discouraged by the time I went on my date with Antonio. I didn’t feel that he was anxious to kiss me, because I felt like I had repeatedly put myself out there, throwing myself into challenges, and often being acknowledged as a top contender. But when it came down to it, Antonio picked other people over me. It seemed like going out with me wasn’t a priority for him.

Do you look back on the show with disappointment?

No, I don’t look on it with disappointment. I think that the show was more for entertainment, and I kind of approached it from that context. I don’t think I was necessarily given a fair shot from the beginning to actually win, in part because I put my effort into challenge after challenge. But also, I didn’t feel that Antonio was really looking for a permanent relationship because of his approach, and because of the people he was most interested in. He didn’t take an active interest in getting to know everyone as well as he could. He had no problem eliminating girls that he didn’t get to talk to much at all. I couldn’t understand why Antonio was interested in the people that he was interested in. If he was serious about having a long term relationship [he’d want] someone who would interact with his kids, someone who would be there in his day to day life. Antonio literally left the other girls to follow Sarah around when it was clear that she was not a good choice for a permanent relationship, at least as that point in time. And with Christi, it was obvious early on that she was the most interested in being sexy for him. I think the fact that she made so many extreme physical changes to herself was a sign that she was uncomfortable with herself, and I think you have to be comfortable with your identity before you can have a stable relationship with someone else. On the show you can see that Christi shifts back and forth between who she really is, and who she wants Antonio to think she is. Everything was superficial. If Antonio really got to know the girl, she would see what the bad habits were.

Couldn’t it be argued that if he’s eliminating girls that he doesn’t get to know, maybe what he’s looking for is someone who will fight for him? Maybe he’s looking for the drama?

You have a point, but I don’t think that kind of drama would make for a long lasting stable relationship, you know? One of the things I told Antonio is that “You don’t have to worry about me throwing up over the balcony,” as you do with some of the other girls. I might have been one of the youngest ones there, but I think I was more mature a lot of basic ways. I don’t think you would want someone who was an alcoholic around your children; I don’t think you would want someone who was unreliable around your children. And, you know, I can read people’s characters.

In your exit interview, you said that there’s so much potential for backstabbing in this environment, and that’s not who you are. Was that something that surprised you? It just seems to be that reality TV is characterized by backstabbing and that kind of thing.

I guess one of the things I was hoping for with going on this reality TV show was to be a positive character. I think just because reality TV shows have come off negatively to a lot of people, it doesn’t have to be that way. I think that there’s always potential. And because so many teenagers watch the show, I think that it’s a good idea to try and have some positive characters on the show, so that not everyone is a raving lunatic.

Did you get a sense of the reason Antonio eliminated you? Because it seemed kind of unclear the way it played out on the episode.

To be honest, I don’t think Antonio really knew. I think that’s why it was unclear. I think that there wasn’t really a strong reason to eliminate me, besides that he just didn’t want me there any longer. I don’t think that there was anything that I did, specifically, that stood out.

At that point, were you over it, though?

Well, like I said, I was getting continually more and more discouraged. He was choosing to keep some of the people that were more problematic over people I personally thought were more stable and would have been better for a permanent relationship. For instance, he kept Christi, who’s, you know, kind of all over the place. She looks like she might have a drinking problem. And she probably is an emotional wreck. I mean, one of the things he [Antonio] says is that “Smokers don’t even come into my house. They can’t smoke in my house.” Everyone knew that several of the girls were smokers. Like Brooke, for one. So I don’t know what his methods for deciding who would go were. Maybe he thought that it would be more entertaining with the people he had left? I don’t know.

Did you feel like you had a connection with him?

I don’t think I knew him well enough to say that. I think that there was a lot more I’d like to have gotten to know about him. But I think Antonio was kind of guarded himself. He kind of protected his personal life. He’d talk generally about it, but it was very different from a regular type of date you would go on with someone.

Do you dislike Christi?

No, I wouldn’t say that I dislike Christi. I didn’t really know Christi outside of the context of the show. And I don’t really have a reason to dislike her. She’s not in my life now.

Do you feel disenchanted with the experience? It seems like you went in idealistically but then you were hit with the reality of reality TV.

No. I think that my attitude had a lot to do with me deciding before I went on the show that I wanted to come off positively. So that’s part of the reason why I was so optimistic, and so sweet and maybe overly compensating in those areas. I knew that whatever they edited, if I had more negative times, there was always the option that those times would be there to represent me. I kept in mind that it’s a TV show, and you can’t take it too seriously. A lot of people don’t realize how much they don’t see, how much was cut out of the show. Some people don’t even understand why I’m on the show as long as I am, because they don’t see a lot of the time that I talk to Antonio that isn’t on screen. That they’ve cut out for whatever reason. A lot of the girls, especially in the earlier episodes, got a lot more airtime than I did. But I was participating and everything. Basically, I wasn’t quiet and silent and just arrived and happy to be in episode five. I was definitely a part of everything.

Any resentment for Antonio?

No. I don’t resent Antonio. I don’t really have any strong feelings against anyone from the show.

You’re a NASA researcher, right?

Well, I’m not a NASA researcher anymore. I’m actually living in California right now, doing more acting and entertainment stuff. But I think VH1 made that more my title, because they were more impressed that that was something that I had done before.

It is impressive, though. Generally, people on reality TV don’t have that on their resume.

So many people say to me, “Oh, you shouldn’t be on the show.” But that’s kind of why I was there. I think that there needs to be more positive people, especially because so many young people watch these shows. I just think it’s important to have a variety of characters.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Twenty-one turned out to be an unlucky number for Jessica, who was bounced from this week’s My Antonio for being so much younger than the show’s star. Below, she talks age difference, her lack of a connection with Antonio and her rivalry with his ex-wife, Tully.

How was your time on the show?

It was great. I loved Hawaii and I loved meeting new people, but at the same time, it was difficult sharing the house with, like, 14 other girls. I was there a little over three weeks, and on top of that, we were so far away from everything.

What did you think about your portrayal?

I didn’t mind it. I figured that since I was the youngest, I’d be a target, but I don’t think they portrayed me that bad. They could have put a lot worse footage in if they wanted to.

Like what?

There were a couple of drunk nights I’m glad they didn’t show. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to show my face after the show.

What’s your opinion of Antonio today?

I think he’s a lot more down-to-earth than what you see on the show. Some people might find him to be arrogant, since he eliminated a girl for her hands and feet, and I know some people were put off because he eliminated me because I was young. I guess they’re thinking, “If she was too young, why was she cast in the first place?” I think he’s a great guy, really sweet and genuine, but I don’t think we’re a match in that way. I always have dated the typical “bad boy,” and Antonio is pretty much the opposite of that. But he’s adorable, so it’s like, who wouldn’t want to try and date him? But I have nothing against him because he eliminated me. That’s what you’re there for.

Were you on the same page with Antonio when he said you had no connection right before he eliminated you?

I was getting to that point. Our date was fun, but I wasn’t sure if it was more like a friend thing or a connection. It wasn’t love at first sight, but I think out of all of the girls that stayed, I should have gone home after some of them.

When he was letting you go, Antonio also said he didn’t want you to make the same mistake he made, by getting married so young. Did you get a sense that he was looking out for you?

If he was, it’s a little too late. I’ve already made that mistake. I was with someone for seven years, since I was 14. I don’t know what he was protecting me from, because I’ve already done that. I didn’t get married, though, thank God.

What do you think the answer is to the people who wonder, “If she was too young, why was she cast in the first place?”

It’s hard to explain. It would have been OK if it was just matter of not having a connection, but I also had to wonder why I was kept there that long if that was going to be his excuse. I wasn’t the first one to go. It’s like, you say you’re trying to protect me, but at the same time, you played with my emotions because you kept me here when I’m too young for you. I don’t know, I think he might have just said that to make me not feel bad, even though I knew how the game works.

Were you concerned about the age difference?

Only in the way that it made me an easy target, since I was so much younger than all the other girls. But I figured once I opened my mouth and proved I could carry a conversation, it wouldn’t matter at all.

What do you think about Tully?

I don’t hold grudges, and I don’t hate the girl, but I think it’s funny that to this day, she’s still writing stuff about me on her Facebook. She acts like a child and I’m the one who has to grow up? It’s ridiculous that I’m arguing with someone who’s older than my mother. She pointed out the way I talk and categorized me as a certain type of person, but I can’t help that I’m Italian and I grew up on the East Coast. I have an accent. And they didn’t show it, but Antonio told me he liked my accent during our alone time. I don’t hate her, but I think she’s annoying. I think we all felt that way, but I was the only one who said it. She was always mocking the other girls, but everything she made fun of was what was unique about us. She just judged us all, and it’s like, you’re not perfect either.

Any regrets?

Sometimes I feel like I could have been a little more aggressive with Antonio so that I could have gotten to know him sooner. That way, he would have known the connection wasn’t there earlier, and someone else could have stayed.