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A New Phase

Well, it looks like I’m well on my way to never needing to have tiny (my wife’s name for my cock) locked into a chastity device. Several times she’s happily remarked on how well my “chemical castration” is coming along.

What she’s really referring to are the hormones I’m on as I progress in my transition to becoming female. I’ve been on estrogen for 2 months now, with maybe a little breast, and hip growth (but hardly any so far). The sprio though, which blocks testosterone, is what she was referring to. It reduces the male sex drive and, over time, shrinks the testicles.

Recently I realized that my PA ring may not be long for this world. It was integral to the 100% secure stainless steel chastity cage we used not that long ago. But it’s getting uncomfortable now that I’m tucking my junk away to look more feminine “down there”. And sometimes that damn ring gets really uncomfortable, squishing things in strange ways, particularly when sitting.

It also occurred to me that it may be a problem later when I go to have sexual reassignment surgery. Since, basically, the penis is turned inside out to make a vagina, it probably won’t be good to have a hole in it. That’s 1-2 years away at this point, but still something I’m thinking about.

I asked Mistress about it recently, and she suggested that I may as well just remove the ring. That was a bit of a shock to consider, since my PA piercing will probably close up and heal over pretty quickly (a week or two maybe?). What shocked me was facing the end of serious male chastity in my life. Funny, that hit me harder than not having sex.

The extensiveness of this blog probably makes it pretty clear that chastity was a pretty important thing to me. Masturbation, sex, and male orgasms certainly were also. But they aren’t any more. I’ve changed, and I’ll continue changing. Not only has my male desire for sex been suppressed, my whole sense of sensuality is changing. I’m amazed at how erotic simple touching can feel now. I’ve always been a tactile-sensitive person, but hormones have turned it up to 11.

Anyway, lately I’m coming to grips with letting go of my manhood. Chastity represented that, in a way. My cage was an illustration of how I needed to have it controlled, lest it be out of control. Thinking about selling my awesome metal penis prison makes me sad. It’s a rite of passage, I suppose – if atypical.

Of course, to see me typing this with my hair up and wearing this bright, fun sun dress – you wouldn’t guess that I’m struggling with my masculinity. And I’m not, really, I’m doing well at letting that go, because I feel so great as a woman. But chastity – wow, letting go of that part of my life is harder. Necessary, but a heart-felt loss.

In terms of my transition, I’m living at home and in public as a woman over half the time that I’m not at work. My immediate family knows (parents, children, siblings), and probably 100-200 friends. We have new friendships in the transgender and transexual community, which is wonderful. This fall I plan to come out at my workplace, which I’m expecting to go well. Between then and now I’ll be legally changing my name. Serious progress.

It’s been busy, with extra appointments, investing time in new relationships, additional shopping to get my closet ready for going full-time, hair removal activities (laser, IPL, electrolysis), etc. Mistress and I are both really looking forward to the time when we can just get on with our new lives together, without so much focus on these transitional steps. Again, necessary, but sometimes frustrating.

And she is excited to be growing into a lesbian relationship. Being bisexual, this is seriously working for her. She can’t wait for me to have fuller breasts, a vagina she can have men of her choosing use, and labia she can torture. After all, I’m still her submissive pet, regardless of my gender.

Just thought I’d update everyone. Thanks for reading. As always I’m open to questions and comments.

Your post seems quite upbeat . . . it does make one wonder though. My own wife has become much more . . . ah . . . aggressive since chastity went from occasional play to full-court press. One wonders it what you and your wife propose is the end result.

It does appear from your post that you have a much more supportive environment than I would have. Living here in deep ruraldom, I suspect that would get a dim review from my neighbours. (My family would likely flip too).

At the moment I am with phytoestrogens, as such things as regular oestrogen and such are simply not to be had here, and in a few months feminine growth is already apparent. My wife is pleased, too. So I wonder again if your course is the inevitable outcome of a passive husband and a wife who is quite clear about her goals.

@James: Very interesting blog you have there. My first encounter with the VFLR abbreviation.

I would recommend extreme caution with self-medication. Everything I’ve read suggests there is serious potential for self-harm, even death, “dabbling” with hormones. Perhaps the phyto’s are less risky, I don’t know. At the very least, my recommendation is to not be aggressive with your dosage. Honest, people have died overdosing with “just a little more”. I’m glad you’re having good results, but I cannot endorse it in good conscience.

However, I’m happy about your overall situation – dominant but loving wife, chastity, and that delicious sexual/power differential in the relationship. Your rural setting makes it risky in some social ways, but it seems like you get off on that a bit. We’re suburban currently (formerly rural), and tending toward more urban as we want to be able to hold hands as two women in public and not worry so much.

I would definitely say that my gender transformation path is NOT an “inevitable outcome” of any form of FLR. Some women are very clear about not wanting to be in a lesbian relationship, either in appearance socially (feminization), or literally (transexual). Many want a male husband, but enjoy the power, the sexual satisfaction, the control, and the humiliation potential – and feminization works well with all of that.

Thanks so much for your comment, James. Best wishes to you and your lucky, lucky wife.

It includes foods you mightn’t think are high in such chemicals, including flax, soy, tofu, coffee, watermelon, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, and a whole host of other plants.

Coffee is not knocked off the food list for caffeine, but for phytoestrogens. Apparently, being a vegetarian is bad news if one is trying to have a baby.

Thus a diet planned around such foods, coupled with supplements which are naturally high in such substances, creates the same effect (though a bit more slowly) than using artificial sources, without the commensurate risks associated with them.

And once the changes start, like a teenager entering puberty, they rapidly pile on.

@acme: I’ve actually been a big fan of soy milk for many years. In addition, my wife and I both liked the products at revivalsoy.com for a few years (but we’ve stopped due to cost reasons). I think I was a little bigger due to the soy, but nothing really significant. I think it varies by person.

The soya milk was preceded first by fenugreek for about two months then wild yam for about five months. All that ended up producing a significant effect: B-cups, give or take. I didn’t really expect it to work and it wasn’t until I switched from cow’s milk to soya milk that the effect became apparent. So maybe it was the combination of all the above that worked on me. As you say, it probably varies by person.

@Anonymous: Well, I’d like to suggest you take some quiet time and examine your tendencies to judge others. Not everyone is like you. In fact, most people do not want to be like you (and that’s not a slam against you – it’s just literal true for literally everyone). Different people like different things, and you’ll mature some by working on accepting that. Oh, and I am getting help, excellent professional help from one of the best transgender programs in the nation. Anything else?

@mike: We actually did play with diapers for a while, early in our relationship. I will still wear them secretly once in a while. We also do age-play on rare occasion. I had fun at a BDSM event a few years ago in the “littles” room, wearing my one-piece sleeper and plastic pants, playing with other diapered friends. That same event I also happened to be crowned “Miss Kink” (or whatever the title was) for my fetish outfit, which was a hot crossdressed outfit that Mistress helped me put together. That was a highlight. It comes down to making Mistress happy, and honestly, changing diapers isn’t that fun for her.