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The Need for Control

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

It's been a hard month for control freaks like me.

It's felt like the last few weeks have been spiraling out of my grasp and that almost every day brings something unexpected, and often, unpleasant. Did that sound melodramatic? Never-ending winter'll do that to you, I tell you what. (Also, my apologies - obviously, I should not have used all of those "Winter is Coming" Game of Thrones memes so lightly last autumn since in George R.R. Martin's world, each season lasts for several years!)

Lately, as the snow piles up outside, I've found myself turning to Pinterest, seeking both inspiration and control. (Okay, mostly just control.) Is it any surprise that when external forces like Mother Nature just won't throw you a bone, that we become myopically focused on the few things in our life we really do have total control over? Lately, I've been spending an embarrassing amount of time housekeeping, baking, and organizing. It's so bad that I actually have a Pinterest board entitled "Happy Little Miss Homemaker." (I wish I were kidding.)

Yesterday, I drafted up a cleaning calendar (inspired by the one found at Little Green Notebook) and pinned it to the fridge.

There's a jar on the kitchen counter collecting clementine peels so I can make my own citrus infused vinegar for homemade cleaning solution.

All the cabin's closets, cabinets, and drawers are organized. Tonight I'm hoping to make month long meal plan. I've been trying to prepare for going back to work full time in a couple weeks by filling the freezer with prepped beans and lots of homemade bread products like bagels, pizza dough, and hamburger buns.

Part of me is so very pleased with my productivity. Another part is horrified. While I don't think it's anti-feminist to keep a clean home, it worries me when the things that I actually want to do are make homemade cleaning solution and turn old wool socks into pot scrubbers. I certainly feel that a clean, organized house makes for a happy and comfortable home, but in general, I'm not a neat freak and I really don't care one way or another about dust.

I doubt my latest organization kick truly indicates a deep and permanent change in my psyche. I predict that housekeeping will take a spectacular fall from grace for me before the month of May is through. Indeed, my current wholehearted commitment to homemaking most likely stems from a fair amount of frustration and some pent up energy which should be getting expended through outdoor activity, if only the weather was a bit more seasonal.So instead I scrub the bathroom and mix up make-ahead pizza dough.

I often can't make things better. I can't force change. I can't make the snow just stop. (Just stop already.) But a clean cabin and full freezer and pantry? I've totally got that.

2 comments:

I think this is all wonderful! Nothing to be worried or embarrassed about. I am envious. I too tend to bake, clean and organize when I'm feeling out of control. It really does make you feel more in control because at least you can control THAT!

The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself.

-- Alan Alda

About Me!Writer, knitter, runner. I live on the edge of the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness in northern Minnesota.