Cancer, Community, and Buffalo Chicken

On the night of my 40th birthday, my wife took me out for a beer and a sandwich. That was 11 years ago. I’ve felt like crap ever since.

We had plans to go out that weekend, but my wife managed to find a babysitter on a school night. We had a couple of hours to get away, so we went to a local pub. O’Brian’s is the kind of place with one kind of whisky (Irish) and whatever sandwiches the bartender knows how to make.

In short, it’s a great place to have a birthday beer. Plus, the bartender, Pat, was a friend of ours.

Heartburn or something more?

I ordered a stout and a buffalo chicken wrap. We sat on the balcony, chatted with Pat, and enjoyed a good night together.

I woke up about midnight with heartburn. I should have known better than to have a beer and spicy food so late.

A week later, the heartburn was still there, plus I got bronchitis. Antibiotics helped a little, but they wouldn’t get rid of the bronchitis. It came back again a month later. More antibiotics. A month after that, on a family vacation, short of breath, I went to a country doctor and was told I had pneumonia.

The buffalo chicken wrap didn’t cause the cancer, but it started a chain of events that led to the diagnosis.

Back to O’Brian’s

Last month, I went back to O’Brian’s for the first time since that birthday date.

A few weeks before, my wife had seen a Facebook Event notice. Laura, Pat the Bartender’s wife, was hosting a fundraiser for a cancer patient support program. She’d been diagnosed with breast cancer. Laura had already had surgery, and was gearing up for chemo and radiation. She was going to shave her head, and she wanted a party.

The event was at O’Brian’s. My wife and I went. They set up a grill in the parking lot, and local businesses donated food. That same quiet balcony where I had my buffalo chicken wrap was now filled with people. Laura greeted everyone who came with a big hug. We bought raffle tickets and put in a bid for one of the silent auction items (a bottle of good Irish whisky).

We saw Laura’s daughter, who told us that Laura hadn’t wanted to do the fundraiser. Pat and her kids talked her into it. And after Laura made the Facebook announcement about it, she was stunned at how many people said they would come. Or who sent regrets, but made a donation online. Or who gave items for the auctions and raffle.

Laura raised over $10,000.

I had a hamburger. I skipped the buffalo chicken wrap. I knew it wouldn’t give me cancer, but why take that chance?

What was different?

Even more important than the money raised was the support that Laura got.

It takes courage to reach out the way Laura did. Sometimes it’s easier to go into a shell.

But community matters. The support of loved ones is great. Connecting with people you don’t know, but who know what you’ve been through, can be a huge help.

It’s great if that happens face-to-face, but that’s not always possible. An online community (like the one here at Blood-cancer.com) can be a blessing. It has been for me.

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Comments

Hey Bob, just saw this. It’s a nice little piece of writing. I agree about the importance of community. You don’t get a lot of that with blood cancers. I’m stuck on your second line. You’ve felt like crap for 11 years? I read your bio and it seems like you’re doing a lot of stuff. I hope you don’t feel bad ALL the time. Are you getting some treatment now?

Thanks, Ronni. I haven’t needed treatment for 8 years. I haven’t had a clean scan in all that time, but Follicular Lymphoma can grow slowly so that happens with some of us. I know I’ll never be the same, physically or emotionally, but I make the best of it and don’t let things slow me down, and take care of myself when I have to.
Thanks for checking in.

@bobtalisker Sounds very similar to my mode of diagnosis. For me it all started with spicy meatloaf, but in much the same progression after that. Continued indigestion and acid reflux, then vomiting, then constipation. Bleeding ulcer at first but ultimately lymphoma wrapped around my intestines. Isn’t it weird the things that end up being the start of a life changing situation. Would you have ever thought you’d remember a buffalo chicken wrap for the rest of your life? Keep on keepin’ on, DPM