Was that wrong?

Janice Harvey

Thursday

Dec 20, 2018 at 5:00 AM

Welcome to the world of WTF. That’s where we’re at as 2018 draws to a painful, chaotic close. I thought I’d seen it all last year at this time when I tried to put it into perspective, but this year takes the proverbial cake—file included for felons—when it comes to WTF moments.

Remember when we watched the nightly news to catch up on the day’s events? Now we need to glue ourselves to screens 24/7 to keep up with the latest craziness coming out of the White House. I’m considering applying for that chief of staff position, but my resume is flimsy: I’ve never been arrested and I’m not a five-star general.

As the year ends, coffee boy George Papadopoulos is planning to run for Congress, fresh from his two-week stay in prison for lying to the FBI. Sadly, this isn’t the weirdest news we’ve heard lately. Both convicted felon General Mike Flynn and unindicted co-conspirator Donald Trump, aka “Individual 1,” have adopted the George Costanza rule book as their bible/defense. Both claim they were completely unaware they might be breaking the law.

Flynn apparently did not know that one must not lie to the FBI, despite having served 33 years in the military, and serving as director of Defense Intelligence, as well as a very short stint as Trump’s national security advisor.

Trump thought everything he did with attorney Michael Cohen regarding hush money paid to women he shtupped was on the up and up. The famous Costanza line, “It’s not a lie if you believe it,” should be engraved on a plaque in the Rose Garden. The other Georgie defense that comes to mind involves the time Costanza was fired for having sex with the cleaning lady in his office.

“Was that wrong?” George asked his horrified boss, feigning innocence. “Should I not have done that? I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon...”

There’s plenty of evidence to shoot down these arguments as silly and pathetic attempts to explain their crimes, but for my money the fact Flynn was raised in the Catholic Church is the real proof he’s lying through his pearly whites about lying. Irish Catholics are born knowing it’s a sin to lie; ergo, it’s tantamount to a crime in the eyes of God, your parish priest and your ham-fisted dad, who will make you sorry you ever considered not telling the truth. As the daughter of an Irish Catholic cop, I should know.

Trump waffles between his desire to be the all-knowing alpha male in charge and the dewy-eyed neophyte depending on the kindness of strangers. Which is it? He can’t have it both ways—especially when there are tapes. Trump is practiced at trashing former friends and distancing himself from anyone who comes clean. I expect he’ll claim he’s not really Eric and Don Jr.’s real father when the time comes. (Eric does resemble Gary Busey, but that’s just gossip.) He’ll never throw Ivanka overboard, but Tiffany and Barron already need name tags at the dinner table.

For me, the best thing to come out of the murky mess that is the Trump administration is the deafening silence from Trump supporters on Twitter and Facebook. When they do chime in, it’s with lame retorts that regurgitate some nonsensical blathering Trump spewed earlier that day. I have noticed a few changes regarding what the brilliant (and home-grown) Charlie Pierce refers to as the “electric Twitter machine.” It appears anything goes when it comes to insulting Trump himself, provided one refrains from threatening him. Well, almost.

I was slapped on the wrist and tossed off Twitter for 12 hours for suggesting Trump should spontaneously combust. His wife is another kettle of fish; I’m sanctioned regularly for insulting Melania Trump. I think she actually reads the comments, or someone does, but I never miss the opportunity to remind her she hasn’t shown me any reason to believe she earned that “Einstein” visa, or that kidneys come in the size DD. Inevitably I am chastised with yet another 12-hour freeze-out.

I have a prediction—although it’s actually my brother Kevin’s prognostication. I trust Kev on a lot of political issues. He’s nine years my senior and has reached an age where he is considered “sage,” which is the step one arrives at before becoming completely unreliable and ignored by relatives. Trump will not be in office to give a second State of the Union address.

Until then? Adios 2018! Don’t let the screen door hit you in the arse on the way out.