Seasonal affective disorder (horrible acronym: SAD) is a disorder found to rise in the traditional Chesapeake oystering months, the ones that end in R, September through March, when it’s coldest and the days are darkest. It’s a species of depression. As David Attenborough says in his melancholic voice-over for BBC Wildlife, “This is why bears hibernate.”

What to do? Create an underground den filled with Doritos. Get as much light as possible during the day, says Dr. Samer Hatter of The Brain Science Institute at Johns Hopkins University Medical School. Go for a walk at noon. This is obviously not brain science! Wait. Yes, it is! In addition, get adequate Vitamin D, and more exercise.

“And try to avoid very bright lights at night…they have a very strong alerting affect,” says Dr. Hatter. Power down your smart phones, TVs, and computers. There goes my married life. No soporific Parks and Rec reruns? No impeccably made-up Alicia Florrick contributing to the sense in Hollywood that women don’t age, that Frances McDormand stands alone? What am I supposed to do? Read French literature by candlelight? Talk to my husband? Actually, yes.