Whether you hide what is in your hearts or manifests it, Allah knows it, and He knows whatever is the heavens and whatever is on the earth, and Allah has power over all things. Qur'an (3:29)

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The more I learn, the more I realise I know little. I finally understood what people meant when they say learning is a lifelong journey. I am enjoying this new learning journey which I hope will be beneficial to me and people around me, InshaaAllah.

I hope to never stop learning and gaining knowledge. And I hope one day I get to impart the knowledge I know to the young ones.

Some people are really just a waste of time. For all I know I might just be those ‘some people’. I just wish people can be happy for one another and co-exist in harmony. That’ll be an ideal peaceful world, in my dreams.

Why are people getting jealous over one another? Why do they have to talk behind their backs? Why can’t they just brush things off and just move on? Sometimes I wish I can lump all these small minded people and drop them off somewhere in the world where they have to survive alone. See how that will change their lives.

Life is just too precious to be talking about negative things. We all just need to have fun, be happy and at the end of the day be grateful for EVERYTHING.

I am still learning. I am not perfect. I have a lot of flaws that people of the public do not see. But I will strive to be better, to be more understanding.

And things are not getting any easier, but inshaaAllah, the path will be eased if I keep my faith.

Prophet PBUH: “A dinar you spend in Allah’s way, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on you family.”

I wanted to be good. But I was not. I tried to remind myself to not say useless things, but words came out too fast. Why didn’t I stop myself? Why didn’t I stand up for the right of others? Why didn’t I defend the victim? Why was I even there? How can I even be a better person when I am still like this? Will I ever be worthy of of paradise?

Everyday we are faced with trials, sometimes, we thrive but, let’s admit, most of the time we fail. The beauty of failing is learning. Learning from our mistakes and most importantly, putting in effort to avoid repeating it. There have been countless of times when I failed and with the blessing of Allah, I learnt from it. Alhamdulillah.

I just got offered a place in my Masters class for Jan 2018 instead of 2019. I am not sure if I should accept it or wait till 2019. Money is holding me back. Without financial constraints, I really feel like it is the perfect time for me to go next year. I’m in my mid 20s, with no family commitment and with time at hand, it’s definitely great for me start as quickly as possible.

May Allah ease my affairs.

Lately, many of my friends are getting married and expecting their first or second child. I used to feel a certain kind of loneliness and yearning, thinking and pondering when will it ever be my turn. But Alhamdulillah, now I find peace with it. I no longer yearn to wait for my turn, because Allah has placed me on another path.

I’ve always wanted to have kids, and Allah has blessed me with 24 of them, my little monkeys in school. I love being around them and it’s amazing how they always make me feel happy. Indeed, Allah is the best of planners.

I get to have kids and yet, still have my own free time. Alhamdulillah. I even get to pursue my studies and learn arabic. With the time Allah has given me, I will better myself with knowledge to help others, InshaaAllah! (And watch my korean dramas heheh)

I met a young lady who introduced herself as Elham. I instantly fall in love with her name. I thought it was such a beautiful name. As I got to know her, her pretty soul radiated. It did justice to her name.

I find myself here in a country I once called home, sitting alone staring into space thinking to myself, asking Allah, what do I do now? I’m scared. I don’t have the confidence to successfully go through a new path.

Now that I have finally realigned my goal in life, I’m worrying about the future, can I actually achieve my goal?

All these while I thought my life has been a breeze without a problem that I could handle but little did I know for the past 25 years of my life I was not consistent which resulted in me having wasted a lot of my time. And that is my problem, a problem that lies in my deen. Those memories that I cherieshed were in fact, useless and not beneficial for the hereafter. It made me grow as a person, but not spiritually.

But it all makes sense now. My goal in life is to be the best kind of women and the best mother to my children. It all makes sense because I have always wanted to give love. I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to turn negative. I don’t want to be mean. I want to be nice and happy. I want to change. I want to be the ummah of our Prophet SAW. And I believe.

I have always associated being a good muslim as someone who is soft spoken, eloquent and just so full of elegance. Everytime I am inspired to be a good muslim I will end up being quieter and gentler when I speak. But I can never keep up with that because I will end up cracking jokes and laughing.

When Sheikh Abu Zaki mentioned the phrase, “Be a good muslim, but be yourself”. It hit home. Now I can strive to be a better muslim but still be myself, as long as I don’t do anything excessively.

InshaaAllah may we be better muslims with strength and patience. May Allah bless you and your family, whoever you may be (: