As Sirens Blare Across the Land

An elegy to the Jewish people for the 17th of Tammuz.

There's a little cave near the Western Wall tunnels that you can miss if you don't look carefully. To go inside, you must be willing to face the darkness, to step into a yearning so deep, it will surround you with a sudden wave of sadness. It's an unexpected grief far bigger than us. A grief of a nation that has lost its way.

Inside, away from the heat of the sun and the noise of the crowds, there are shelves with prayer books and rows of chairs along the dark stone walls. Songs and voices echo from within, where tunnels lead into tunnels, weaving their way closer to the Holy of Holies, the heart of everything we used to be. Inside is the inner sanctum, the source of our holiness and clarity that housed the Aron Hakodesh, the Holy Ark. We have lost access to that source, but here you can feel a wisp of its power.

I walk into the darkness on the 17th of Tammuz, a fast day commemorating the breach of the walls of Jerusalem before the Second Temple was destroyed. I sit down on one of the chairs and lean my head against the wall. I try to pray but I cannot find the right words. I try to think but my thoughts are so heavy, so tired, so lost.

A woman sits down beside me. Her wrinkled hands clutch a tattered Siddur and her eyes look like they hold ancient secrets that spill onto the pages as she begins to cry.

I have never heard someone cry like this. It sounds like a helpless baby who cannot be comforted. Like someone who can't breathe in this kind of world. She cries and then screams up into the low, jagged ceiling. "Abba (Father), stop our tears! End this! Abba, help us. We are so lost. We can't find you. Abba!" I move my chair away from her. Why is she screaming? I open my own prayer book and find my own tears as her voice echoes in my heart. Where are You? How will we find our way home?

When the woman finishes praying, she taps me on the shoulder. Her eyes are the color of water. She tries to hug me. I pull back. Is she crazy? But she just smiles at me and then walks away, pausing for a moment by the opening to the tunnel, like an angel bridging the distance between darkness and light. I watch her go and feel the fissure that I felt before her heartfelt prayers gave life to my own. I look up at the stones. Let me in. I want to break through the tunnels and get to the place I know is hidden deep inside. I want to come home and hold onto the heart of all we used to be.

This year on the 17th of Tammuz, I will remember that woman as I stand alone, now living in America, so very far from home. I remember that tunnel as I wake up on foreign soil, hear words that are not my language, see people who are not my own. I stand in the darkness. It is so quiet but here there are no stone walls to cradle my prayers. I don't know what to say. I don't even know how to cry. I long to call out like the woman with the ocean eyes, "Abba, end this! Abba, help us! Abba, we can't find you." But instead I am so silent I can hear the beating of my heart.

The walls of our cities are surrounded. We are dying inside. We are losing our children. We are being attacked. And there is silence. The hospitals are being evacuated. The schools are being held in shelters. And there is silence. Our weddings are being interrupted by sirens. We are running, throwing ourselves down onto the ground, cradling our heads with our arms. They want us to give up, leave our homes, disappear. And we are so very tired. So lost.

We, a nation of compassion, of kindness, of truth, are being forced to fight. We are a people who treasure life. Who do everything we can to give life and light to others. But we are surrounded by enemies. We are far from the core of everything we had and used to be. We are burying lives that hadn't had a chance to really begin. We are running for cover and grieving at the same time. Terrorists are intent on destroying, eradicating, pushing us further from the center of who we are.

I wish I could go back into that inner tunnel of the Western Wall and look again into the crying woman's eyes. I wish I could have a fraction of her faith, a tiny part of her courage, a piece of her warmth. I wish I could get back to the beating heart of a nation that lights up the darkness. But I stand so far away, with just the sound of my own heart breaking quietly. For the city that is surrounded. For the sirens that are blaring across the Land. For all that is being destroyed. For my people and for myself. A nation standing alone. So far from its core.

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About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

Visitor Comments: 16

(11)
sharona,
July 15, 2014 12:43 PM

these are very hard and challenging moments. It's like a long night. but we shouldn't despair. The Dawn will come. We just need to keep doing what we need to do. Every prayer and mitzvah counts to bringing us closer to Redemption, may it come very soon

(10)
gillian,
July 15, 2014 5:28 AM

In Hashem's hands, our only shelter

If only there were enlightened Arab leadership, trusted by both Israelis and Palestinians....... Hashem will provide in His own good time. As Jews we must obey the Law as it is given to us. But how can we do that when we are under siege ?.

(9)
Doralynn Kennedy,
July 15, 2014 4:23 AM

Hope in the Lord

I love the Jewish people and am so sorry for your pain. I know your history is a long one of grief. I was reading Psalm 31 today and thinking how much like David's day it is. I know Christians have caused you many tears, but many of us truly love you and pray for your peace and safety. I want to end this comment as David ended Psalm 31: "Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord."

Anonymous,
July 25, 2014 3:31 PM

Non-Jews! Tell Your News Outlets That You Support Israel!

Israel is once again facing a test. Surely when we do all that we can, and remember that it is HaShem who gives us strength, then we will survive. When the community of nations run on with unkind criticisms, and the world of public opinion turns against Israel, then it is good that we remember there are those individuals who stand steady in their support of Israel. Please contact your news outlets and let them know you support Israel.

(8)
Drewvette Zomalt,
July 14, 2014 8:34 PM

May God bless and Protect You

I pray that God arises and cause your enemies to be scattered. May He be a wall of fire around you and confound your enemies. May God give salvation and peace unto you. May God reveal and bring to nothing all lying propaganda. May He give your leaders wisdom and direct their works in truth and righteousness. May He cause no weapon formed against you prosper.

(7)
cindy graham,
July 14, 2014 5:43 AM

i will support israel

I will drop everything for Israel and give my all to Israel. I support Israel ...G-D Bless Israel...the hedge of protection is around Israel...idf is truly bless...I have a special love for Israel that no one can touch....Stand up Israel you are mightythe Creator of the Universe is with you. G-D will never leave you israel

(6)
Yosef stern,
July 14, 2014 4:04 AM

I cried when reading this article!

(5)
Betty Hansen,
July 14, 2014 2:27 AM

You are God's chosen people Israel

I listened to the National news tonite and was horrified, but not surprised! I usually don't give them the time of day, but wanted to hear their usual liberal take on Israel! When I don't think it can get worse, it does! My only thought besides my prayers, were that God is in control and the Jewish people are His chosen people and as horrific as this all is I know He will take care of you! There are a lot of Christians praying for you! I belong to a group called Christians United for Israel and they are meeting in Washington DC next week to show congress their support for Israel! This was an amazing article and I felt like I was there in the tunnel with you! I actually have been Blessed to have visited the tunnels and Israel! My love for Israel and the Jewish people only increased! You are in my prayers daily and alot of other Christians also! God is the same yesterday,today, and tomorrow! He never changes! He loves you and this elderly lady had it right! I think she may very well have been an angel! P.S. I cancelled my membership to Costco today in support of Israel in a roundabout way! I know it was a very small gesture, but I feel really good about it! WE ARE PRAYING!!!!

(4)
Jacob,
July 14, 2014 12:04 AM

Proud of our unity!

May the Lord continue to protect and bless us. And may we stand united, and may our emuna strengthen in the face of so much hatred and violence.

(3)
Rina,
July 13, 2014 11:59 PM

Much is given, much is expected

Israel's calling and mission is to be a light to the Nations; to minister the balance of justice and mercy to the Nations. Much is given, much is expected. Torah shall be engraved on our hearts (at the time of Jacob's trouble (Jeremiah 31:31-33). This is no walk in the park. Chazak chazak venitchazek. Be strong and be strengthend

(2)
Anonymous,
July 13, 2014 3:37 PM

Boo Hoo No More

The Law of the Jungle, or Middle East International Relations in 4 words: Kill or be killed. It's easy for people like me, in middle-class southern Canada where the biggest worry is somebody losing a hockey game, to forget that. But so it is.

(1)
richard,
July 13, 2014 11:49 AM

We are blessed to have a nation to defend

Daniel Gordis said it better than I ever could. Bottom line, from an historical point of view, antipathy against the Jewish people has always been there. It is sad and unfortunate, but true. How the world would be if we conducted our personal and public lives in a more constructive manner, one could only speculate. We are blessed to have a country of our own and the capacity to defend ourselves. It would be better if Hashem nudged us all in a more constructive direction but in the meantime we need to count our blessings and try to do the best we can.

patricia,
July 13, 2014 2:47 PM

Why is the world not helping the Jewish people,They have never ever done anything to us, that has not enriched our lives. My own government, came out with they do not condone what Hamas are doing, that just isn't enough, why does the world allow Obama to fund Hamas/ Richard you are truly a man of G_D, may he step in, and stop this madness, Hamas using their own children to be human shields, these same children are being taught that it is good to kill Jews,and so it goes on. I love Israel I Love the Jewish People.and stand in support with them.

Sandra,
July 14, 2014 3:08 AM

Thank you

Thank you. I wish there were more people like you.

Chavah,
July 14, 2014 3:34 AM

Thank you Patricia

Thank you Patricia. We need more people in the world like you.The Jews never forget the kindness given to them by those of other backgrounds and faiths.. during the Holocaust, while it felt like the whole world was set on the destruction of the Jewish people, there were also many righteous gentiles who risked their lives to save their Jewish neighbors, and the Jews are forever grateful towards all those who have stood up against injustice and violence against them. it takes a special type of person like you to say something as you did. Thank you for your support and standing for what's right.. May Gd bless you

karen,
July 13, 2014 10:01 PM

whatever Hashem does

is best. We dont see the whole picture. May we be blessed to see it, in joy and thanksgiving