What Would Cohen Have Titled “The Earth is Round (p < .05)” in 2014?

The area of bibliometrics is not my area of expertise but is still of interest as a researcher. I sometimes think about how Google has impacted the way we title articles. Gone are the days of witty, snappy titles. Title selection is an art form but of a different kind. Generally, researchers try to construct titles of the most searchable keywords. In trying to title an article today and came upon an Internet article entitled Heading for Success: Or How Not to Title Your Paper.

According to the article, to increase citation rates, a title should:

Contain no ? or !

May contain a :

Should be between 31-40 character

Avoid humor/pun

In seeing:

…some authors are tempted to spice them up with a touch of humour, which may be a pun, a play on words, or an amusing metaphor. This, however, is a risky strategy.

my mind went to the classic Jacob Cohen (1994) paper entitled The Earth is Round (p < .05). In 1994 the world was different; Google didn't exist yet. I ask, “What if Cohen had to title his classic title in 2014?” What would it look like?

Keywords: Mining “The Earth is Round (p < .05)”

I set to work by grabbing the paper's content and converting to plain text. Then I decided to tease out the most frequent terms after stemming and removing stopwords. Here's the script I used:

What Would Cohen Have Titled “The Earth is Round (p < .05)”?

So what would Cohen have titled “The Earth is Round (p < .05)” in 2014? Looking at the results… I don't know. It's fun to speculate. Maybe some could suggest in the comments but as for me I still like “The Earth is Round (p < .05)”.