Bald, Free And More.... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
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================
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================
>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This new sizzler comes from our friend LouiseA.
It is sure to give you some smiles for your day!
Check it out here...
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Witty Comebacks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comebacks.html
---
...Oh My! LOL! These are priceless! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
Fasten Your Seat Belts And Assume Crash Position
Flight seven-oh-niner has a pretty rough time above the ocean.
Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom:
"Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash
positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this
baby as gentle as possible down on the water".
"Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a
little old lady, terrified.
"Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special
gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for
emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs".
"And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me?" asks the little lady.
"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".
__
o /' )
/' ( ,
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_.--' b) ``--...____.' .'
( _. )). `-._ <
`vvvvvvv-)-.....___.- `-. __...--'-.'.
`^^^^^'-------.....`-.___.'----... .' `.;
jgs `-` ~~~
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+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
October 6 is Mad Hatter Day
October 7 is Bald and Free Day
October 8 is American Touch Tag Day
October 9 is Curious Events Day and Moldy Cheese Day
October 10 National Angel Food Cake Day and World Egg Day
October 11 is It's My Party Day and Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
October 12 is Old Farmer's Day and Moment of Frustration Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
,==.
/ 66\
\c -_)
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(( /\ \_ |~~~
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jgs_______ (_(___)_|
>Attention to Detail
At the U.S. Navy Flight School in Pensacola, Florida, we had "attention
to detail" hammered into our heads. One instructor in particular
preached this virtue. As we walked out to check an airplane, he told me
my reputation as an aviator would depend on my "attention to detail."
First he showed me how to identify our plane; then he conducted a
meticulous preflight scrutiny, inspecting every nook and cranny.
Just as he finished and we were strapping in, another instructor with a
student in tow walked up to us. "Fellas," he said, "that was very nice
of you to preflight our aircraft. Your plane is in the next flight
line."
-<>-
>Bedside Manner
The doctor was making her rounds and walked into the semi-private room
in the hospital to examine old Mrs. Williams.
After the exam, in her best professional voice, she said smoothly, "You
are coughing much more easily this morning."
"I should," snapped the patient, "I've been practicing all night."
-<>-
>Math Review
A Mom was helping her son review his math while her daughter was in the
kitchen.
"You have seven dollars and seven friends," she said. "You give a
dollar to two of them but none to the others. What do you have left?"
From the kitchen her daughter called, "Two friends."
-<>-
>Monosyllabic
My 15-year-old son asked me to drive him to his friend's house. Once we
were in the car and several minutes had passed in silence, I attempted
to open the lines of communication.
"Did you have a nice day at school?"
"Yep."
"Any homework to do?"
"Nope."
"You got your hair cut"
"Yep."
"This is a monosyllabic conversation isn't it?"
"Yep."
"You do know what monosyllabic means?"
"Yep."
"Well, tell me." Aha, I thought, now he has to give me a dictionary
explanation.
With a mischievous grin and a sly look at me, he replied, "One."
-<>-
>Snowmobile
My cousin, Chuck, worked at a snowmobile dealership.
One day Chuck asked a customer if he needed help. The man said he
wanted a certain kind of snowmobile and that it had to be yellow. Chuck
had the right make, but not in yellow.
"It has to be yellow," the customer insisted.
Curious, Chuck asked why.
"Because," the man replied, "I've been buying a new snowmobile every
year -- and my wife hasn't noticed yet!"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
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>Smiles
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher
said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat was very
small.
The little girl insisted that it was possible -- because, after all,
Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that
a whale could not possibly swallow a human, its throat was just too
small.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU can ask him."
--------
A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As
pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman
is actually alive!
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral
for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the
casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for that wall!"
--------
A guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the
hot summer afternoon. He finally worked up the energy to go out and
ask his wife what was for dinner. The wife was quite irritated about
his sitting in the air-conditioned house all day while she did all the
work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're asking me about
dinner right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner
out yourself."
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with
potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally
walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed
something to eat? So where is mine??"
"Huh? You said you were out of town."
-------
A blonde goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd
like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at the blonde and asks, "Are you Polish?"
The blonde, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But
let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian
sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I
had asked for Westphalian ham, would you ask me if I
was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would
you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a
taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh?
Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well . . . no."
"And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask
if I was Irish?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the blonde asks,
"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish
just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
--------
A couple, famous among their friends and family for never having a
single argument, was celebrating their Silver Anniversary. They threw
a party and invited all of their friends to celebrate with them.
During the party someone asked about their secret to a peaceful
marriage.
Recalling their honeymoon, the husband started: "We went to Scotland
for honeymoon after our wedding. One day there, we went for a
horseback riding trip. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which
my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that
horse jumped suddenly, making her topple over.
"Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back
and said, 'This is your first time.' She again climbed the horse and
continued with the ride.
"After awhile, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and
said, 'This is your second time,' and continued.
"When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the
revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead!! Shocked, I shouted:
'What did you do, you psycho! You killed the poor animal. Are you
crazy?'
"She gave me a cold look and said: 'This is your first time!!!' -- and
we have been happy ever after."
-------
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local
Chinese laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the
next collection of soiled clothes: "Use more soap on panties!"
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the
results, so the following week she enclosed another note: "Use more
soap on panties!"
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry
was delivered, it contained a note from him. It read: "Use plenty soap
on panties! You use more paper on bottom!"
--------
A class was given a homework assignment to find out something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little
boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He
picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard
and sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a 'period'," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a
'period'?"
"Darned if I know," said the boy,
"but yesterday my sister was missing one,
Mom fainted,
Dad had a heart attack
and the boy next door joined the Navy."
--------
A couple moves into their new house. One day the man comes home
from work and his woman says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs
bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
"What do I look like, a plumber?" Asks the man, and goes to sleep.
A few days later, his woman once again turns to her man and says,
"honey, my car doesn't start, I think it may need a new battery,
could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like, a mechanic?" asks the man with a frown.
A week goes by, and the woman once again turns to her man and says,
"Dear, the roof is leaking, could you do something about it?"
"What do I look like, a roofer?" asks the man. "Take care of these
things yourself!"
He then leaves home for a week on a business trip. "When I come back,"
he says to his woman, "I'd like all these things taken care of."
He comes back a week later and is astonished to discover the roof is
fixed, the car is running and the pipes are brand new.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls at her.
"Nothing at all." she said. "The neighbor popped in and turns out
he's a handyman, he said he'd fix the whole thing if I just bake
him a cake, or sleep with him."
"Wow," said the man. "What kind of cake did you make him?"
"What do I look like," exclaims the woman, "a baker?"
---
...TeeHee! A sweet Touche'! LOL! Thanks LouiseA!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
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| | |__|__|_/ |__|__ _ |__|--'__ | . || \'..'/////////
| | |__| |__|__|_| |__|__|__| |( )|| `--`///////;
\| | ' ||---. ,,,////////////
jgs'---------------------------------'---' `.//////////////'
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Father's Day was near when I brought my five-year-old son,
Vince, to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for
dads and told him to pick one.
When I looked back, Vince was picking up one card after another,
opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots, every
which way. I asked. "Have you found a nice card for Daddy yet?"
"No," he replied. "I'm looking for one with money in it."
-<>-
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work, and everyone
was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down
dinner one co-worker's three -year-old girl stared at the man
sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from
staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted
his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He
tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for
him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the
table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her
response. The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink
like a fish!"
-<>-
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST FIVE RIDDLES I HAVE SEEN. THE ANSWERS ARE AT
THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING. IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN
AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS.
1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three
rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of
assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that
haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over
5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out
together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when
you throw it away?
4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words
Wednesday, Friday, or Sunday?
5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you
can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and
plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing
is wrong with it! It is highly unusual though. Study it and think about
it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a
bit you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching!
THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE RIDDLES ARE BELOW:
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ummmm ... Did not do well with this test.......
1. The third room. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.
That one was easy, right?
2. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband,
developed it, and hung it up to dry (shot; held under water; and hung).
3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecuing.
4. Sure you can name three consecutive days, yesterday, today, and
tomorrow!
5. The letter "e" which is the most common letter used in the English
language, does not appear even once in the paragraph.
I'll be getting Alzheimer's any time now. How did you do?
---
...LOL! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->From Our Friend Gh0striders :)
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jgs `--.| T |.--'
>Sister Barbara
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter
from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents
had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter
by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against
the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister
Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the
man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger
picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went
off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man
was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the
stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100
bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming
Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1!"
---
...LOL! Thanks gh0striders!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
While there are many grand and wonderful things about the New
World; breath-taking vistas and bountiful resources, the one
thing you will not find here are caches of ancient Roman coins
buried in the ground.
Not like in Great Britain.
An amateur treasure hunter found the biggest ever haul of 4th
century Roman coins in East Devon, England. Over 20,000.
Laurence Egerton, a semiretired builder, took up metal
detecting seven years ago. But last November he turned up
two unusual coins the size of a thumbnail close to the
previously excavated site of a Roman villa.
His continued to dig after his metal detector indicated there
was more iron in the ground. That's when Mr. Egerton found his
treasure.
"The next shovel was full of coins - they just spilt out over
the field," he said.
"Between finding the hoard and the archaeologists excavating
the site, I slept in my car alongside it for three nights to
guard it," Egerton told English newspaper, The Telegraph.
Although the coins represented only a few months' wages for
a Roman soldier in 260 A.D., historians say they are now
worth tens of thousands of dollars.
Not a bad payday for an afternoon walk out in the country.
-<>-
A Halloween horror came early for some amusement park goers
in England when a roller coaster hit a deer and covered the
passengers in blood.
A spokeswoman for the Lightwater Valley theme park near
Ripon, England, confirmed the deer wandered onto the track
of The Ultimate, billed as Europe's longest roller coaster,
and was struck by the car.
"We can confirm a young deer did unfortunately get hit by
the Ultimate train yesterday and was killed instantly,"
the spokeswoman said. "There is a large perimeter fence
surrounding the theme park but occasionally wild animals
do manage to stray onto the park during the night."
The roller coaster was closed for 30 minutes before resuming
normal operations.
Reports indicate passengers were sprayed with the animal's
blood, but there were no human injuries from the crash.
A deer previously wandered onto The Ultimate's tracks in 1994
and was struck by a car, resulting in the hospitalization of
a 12-year-old boy.
*-- 9-pound hairball removed from teenager's stomach --*
BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan (UPI) - Doctors in Bishkek removed a
nine-pound hairball from the stomach of 18-year-old Ayperi
Alekseeva after she could no longer eat or drink. The ball
developed over years as the woman chewed the ends of her
hair and ate hair off the floor. "Her stomach was so badly
swollen from hair and bits of wool from the carpet that it
literally just oozed out soon as the wall of the stomach
was cut," Senior professor of surgery at Bishkek hospital
Bahadir Bebezov told The Daily Mail. Aside from the hair
eating compulsion that caused her to become malnourished,
Alekseeva was completely healthy. The compulsion to eat
human hair is called Trichophagia, which can result in the
development of Rapunzel syndrome, a condition where the
ball develops a "tail" that clogs the lower intestine.
Alekseeva is recovering and promises to refrain from
chewing her hair in the future.
*-- N.Z. woman says home, car covered in human feces --*
AUCKLAND, New Zealand (UPI) - A New Zealand woman said she
awoke recently to discover her home and car had been
covered in what she believes to be human feces from an
airplane. Karen Bass of Auckland said she awoke Sunday
to discover there were splotches of brown matter all over
her house and her silver car, which she believes to be
human waste dropped from an airplane. Bass said her home
is directly in the flight path for planes coming into
Auckland International Airport. "The first thing when I
walked out of my door this morning and I saw it, I thought
an airplane [expletive] on us. You open the door and it
smells like [expletive]," she told the New Zealand Herald.
"I'm absolutely disgusted at the moment. The amount of
crap everywhere is horrendous," she said. Bass said she
is going to have a sample of feces independently tested
to verify it came from humans. "There's no way it's a
bird or animal poo, it's horrible. I'm sure it's human,
what else could it be with huge clumps like that?" she
said. An Airways New Zealand spokeswoman suggested Bass
complain directly to the offending airline, but the
homeowner said she would not know which airline to
address as she did not see the plane.
*-- British chef serves 8,000-calorie 'Hibernator' breakfast --*
CONGLETON, England (UPI) - A British cafe is testing the
limits of good taste in the the morning with "The
Hibernator," a breakfast dish packing a whopping 8,000
calories. Mark Winder, owner of the Bear Grills cafe in
Congleton, England, said that only 20 customers have so
far attempted to take on "The Hibernator," which weighs
7 pounds and amounts to nearly four times the daily
recommended caloric intake for an adult man. Winder said
no one has yet succeeded in finishing the dish, which he
requires diners to sign waivers before attacking. "It's
called 'The Hibernator' because if anyone completes it,
they'll have to sleep for a year," Winder said. The
breakfast includes four fried eggs, four strips of bacon,
eight sausages, four hash browns, a four-egg cheese
omelet, four waffles, four pieces of toast, four pieces
of fried bread, four pieces of black pudding, two ladles
of beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, French fries and a
2,000-calorie milkshake to wash it all down.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
__
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|/'-;
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jgs '.,_|____|_,_)
>Retardment or Retirement?
A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development
on Florida's southeast coast. We are living in the "Delray/Boca
Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee".
There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going
to do all day? Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of
our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart,
and 1 hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There
are about 30 of us; and rain or shine, we walk around the streets,
all talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay
in bed until 6:00am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out
to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next
activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR.
I put on my 'Ask me about my Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid
mid-calf shorts, my black socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse
lobby for a nice nap.
Before we know it, it's time for lunch. We go to Costco to partake
of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets.
All free!
After a filling lunch, if we don't have any doctor appointments,
we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts
have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner.
People start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but
we get there by 3:45 because we're late eaters. The dinners
are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and
dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard,
relish, ketchup, and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clock news.
By 6:30 pm we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five
or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it's time
to get up and start a new day all over again.
Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time.
I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the
waiting room, so I don't mind.
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes
at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu.
Then there's the hold time until we're connected to the right party.
Sometimes they forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off
to lunch.
Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering
provides a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet
and they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically
Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic
Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should
see the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam
dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders'
as we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper
shelves. There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping,
most seniors can't remember where they parked their cars and wander
the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world
travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather
live: Murray's Condos or the Lakes of Venice?
There's no difference -- they're both owned by Murray, who happens
to be a cheap B.
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees.
If I can be of any further assistance, please look me up when
you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in
Boynton Beach.
PS. This is printed large on purpose so you can read it.
---
...LOL! What a hoot! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
,-""-.
/ .--;
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| / ,___ _)
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`//'--`
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(____,\\\
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| /
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| /
|_________]~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
\\\\\\\\\\\~^~^~^^~^~^~^~^~^^~~
\jgs\\\\\\\~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^
I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should
take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for
rabies. After a few initial questions, the woman who
answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten's name?"
"Demon", I replied.
"Demon? That's an odd name," she said.
"Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway."
I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our
records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish
for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon.
Is that right?"
"Yes, it is."
"You really don't like cats, do you?"
-<>-
Mary was married to a something of a chauvinist. They both
worked full time, but he never did anything around the house
and certainly....not any housework. That, he declared, was
'woman's work.'
One evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children
bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in
the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table,
complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately
wanted to know what was going on.
It turned out that her husband Charley had read a magazine
article that suggested working wives would be more
romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having
to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-
time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends
in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.
"Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even
cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the
laundry and put everything away."
"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.
"Oh, that part didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too
tired."
-<>-
"Do you remember first meeting your wife?"
"Sure, I found Jill lying face down in the gutter. I lifted
her to her feet and promised her that if she agreed to marry
me, she would begin a new life and I'd never allow her near
the gutter again."
"Wow, what an incredible story! I hope she appreciates what
you did for her."
"Not really. Even though she stunk at it, Jill hated to give
up bowling."
-<>-
When my husband pointed out my tendency to retell the same
stories over and over, I reminded him that he was just as
guilty.
"Allow me to clarify," he said in response. "I review. You
repeat."
-<>-
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate
unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill,
however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her.
She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven
items.
Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded
to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two
dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes
of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
-<>-
Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded
the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant
and transmission fluid. Sure enough, the car overheated.
Scolding myself for not listening to my father's instructions,
I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil
cap was labeled Dr. Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and
the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi.
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
,;;;,
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(| ))))) |)
'-..' ((( : '..-'
| : ) : |
| : : -|
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jgs Y Y
>Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Least Popular Conversation Starters
10. "Can you tell I have drug-resistant tuberculosis?"
9. "How do you like my al-Qaida t-shirt?"
8. "Wanna see me drop my pants and fire a rocket?"
7. "I once lived across the street from Maury Povich"
6. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty . . ."
5. "If you were a woman, I bet you'd be pretty"
4. "Are you a cop?"
3. "Hi, I'm Shecky"
2. "Anyone watch 'Letterman' last night?"
1. "Mind if I call you mommy?"
-<>-
-=[ punker ]=-
|
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. \ | / .
`-.__|\/_\/|_.-'
.__ \ / `./
`- \
----
.-'`. ` -
' ` __.'
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jgs/VK | | | \
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>How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom
10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width
apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anybody.
4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead
of you.
3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
2. Be quiet while others are about to go.
1. Keep strokes to a minimum.
-<>-
__________________/%%*%%*%%*%%*%%*%\___________________
//~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\\
I: ,;;;;;;;, | O F F I C I A L :I
I: /;/;/;/|\;\ | NET SURFER'S LICENSE :I
I: //;///-'`\;\\ | :I
I: ;/;/ _ _ \;|; | :I
I: ||; `^ ^` |;| | Name: Beverly Chua :I
I: |;| ^ ;|| | Email: beverly@gemz.net :I
I: ||;\ '-=-' /|;| | URL: http://beverly.gemz.net :I
I: \|;;.___.;|;/ | ICQ: 1184536 :I
I: `"=) (="` | Home: Singapore :I
I: .-:`, ,`;-. | B'day: 31 October (Halloween!) :I
I: /` \';@;'/ `\ | Likes: Ballet, Web-design :I
I: / '-.-' \ | Hates: Vegetables :I
*jgs__________________|________________________________*
\%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%/
>Top Ten Things I, Dave Letterman, Have Learned In 60 Years
10. You save a lot of money by making your own hairpieces.
9. If I stay healthy, maybe I can make it to 100 — like
Regis.
8. I owe my success to two groups of viewers: prisoners and
shut-ins.
7. "Lather" and "rinse" are fine, but "repeat" is just a
scam to sell more shampoo.
6. Them redneck jokes never get old.
5. At staff parties, I always get stuck talking to a guy
named "Shecky".
4. For some reason, "Dancing With the Stars" keeps sending
my audition tape back.
3. Can't think of anything funny? How about this: [video of
monkey getting a root canal].
2. If you're missing "The Rachel Ray Show," you're missing
out.
1. Cookies is tasty.
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Lenticular Clouds Or UFO?
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ufo.html
Chalk Art 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html
True Duck Tale
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
Look Who's Talking 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking4.html
Oregon Aquarium
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html
Until We Write Again
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html
World's Largest Holes
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holes.html
Freaky Art Vans
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html
House Dust Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusthouse.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
RAPTOR CHASE...Truly MUST SEE - THIS IS HILARIOUS...
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151974509938394
---
...Oh My GOODNESS! LMAO! Oh Dear! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
Walrus Exercise! Get in the swing of it yesssssssss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAdZ2Dg2bUA
Drunk Driver!
http://blog.petflow.com/hidden-camera-drunk-driver/
---
...LOL! Cute! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
The folks at NASA attached a camera to one of the rocket boosters
during a launch and now you can see the amazing footage as it rises and
falls back to Earth. There's even great sound quality thanks to
Skywalker Sound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aCOyOvOw5c&feature=player_embedded
When most people think of a lake, they see open water and boats. This
guy used a GoPro camera to capture beautiful video of canyons hidden in
Lake Powell.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQg3hlilED0&feature=player_embedded
Shaolin kung fu is an ancient art that allow almost total control over
one's body, and allow him to perform stunts that seem almost impossible
with nonchalant grace. But even more impressive is to watch those
amazing moves in super slow mo, giving you the time to really admire
the seamless movement and precise acrobatics these men are capable of!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lLlO3iIFTzg
Ah, Mr. Bean, where can we send you to have a decent, normal time? It
isn't the beach, that's for certain. This is another of my favorite
Bean moments, a true classic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=njxdiOJJXLo
---
...LOL! Great Links! Than ks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Matthew 24 - Signs of the End of the Age - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HqlS3ROtf0&feature=relmfu
Sins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyuuyOqIU1s&feature=youtu.be
---
...Good illustration! Thanks Melody!
Wacky Warning Label Menu
http://www.centerforamerica.org/wwl_11/wwl_11_2012_finalists.html
---
...LOL! Thanks Melody!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
High Tech Car
http://www.flixxy.com/high-tech-car-door.htm#.UXXPva4kZOE
---
...Cool Car! Thanks Geniann!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"More problems for the IRS. Isn't that the feel-good story
of the year? They wasted $50 million over a two-year period
on conferences and retreats for employees. They even spent
$11,000 on a happiness expert. I have an idea how to make
them happier. How about stopping making everybody else's
life miserable? Start with that!" -Jay Leno
"This week, Apple introduced a new laptop that supposedly
has an all-day battery. Here's how it works - don't turn on
your laptop all day." -Jimmy Fallon
"I admit that I get angry in traffic when driving to work.
But it's pointless. It's much better to bottle up that anger
and then unleash it when you get to work." -Craig Ferguson
"A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s.
Mainly because all the people who annoyed you are dead by
then." -Jimmy Fallon
"A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the
age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn't
sound too bad to me. You'd probably watch TV with that 22
minutes anyway." -Jimmy Kimmel
"They've updated the Seven Wonders of the World. Here's
the real wonder of the world. How I've managed to stay
on television for 30 years."
- David Letterman
"My doctor tells me I suffer from extreme hypochondria. He
prescribed a strong placebo, but I don't think it's working."
-Fred Marcum
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to
catch up." --Unknown
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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