When I was a kid, my dad put a giant speaker cabinet on the roof of our house and played electronic music as loud as he could without it distorting. It drew kids from all over that never would have come otherwise!

The moment we got here, I had that same fabulous feeling again because TERROR ON 27also has a giant speaker cabinet playing wild stuff you'll hear as soon as you get to the parking lot.

NOW THAT IS A GREAT START...but what about the rest?

In a word...KILLER!

The first part of your journey here is INSANITY, and boy is it ever!

First, they dump you into a Black Hole (aka VORTEX) to prime you for even more sensory assaults soon to come. They've got the fluorescent spackled paint, and it's spinning counterclockwise at a good pace for that intense spinning motion sensation.

** They added some fog in the black hole to great effect! We do not recall seeing fog used in a black hole before - they had just enough but not too much to obscure the motion effect. **

ENDLESS MANIACAL LAUGHTER!

A really good witches laugh is like a language of its' own if it's done properly, and WOW is this one spot on. And her speaking voice is clear and distinct, but still with a wild edge...she clearly is insane! She mixes it up a lot, spinning tale after tale in various encounters with her along your way...

The next sequence is KILLER! A statue comes to life, and next thing you know you're in a circular room that suddenly closes and thrashes all over! When it opens, suddenly you're in the forest with a Venus Flytrap big enough to eat small to midsize children. WATCH OUT.

Ever put off going to the dentist?

Well, you might never go again after you see their dentist office! The receptionist in the booth is dead, and the signs promise ghastly results quickly with no appointment needed. The dental X-rays and official looking documents on the wall are no guarantee things will end well!

There's tons more wild characters here, but one of our favorites had very dainty hands, beautifully manicured with shiny purple finger nail polish.

Oh yeah...this actor IS A GUY! His body says"long-haired bad ass motorcycle dude lookin' for a fight,"but his hands are exquisitely delicate for the benefit of his pet cockroach which he so lovingly strokes over and over!GREAT STUFF.

Next up is ANIMOSITY, a haunted maze with wooden walls leaving space open at the bottom. We got separated almost immediately, and my partner never did find the exit! She came back out the entrance, leaving me to fend for myself.

The monsters are everywhere, surprising you in groups around corners they know you're about to reach. And you see them crawling too, through the open bottoms of the walls from the other side. But a moment later when you reach that spot they've magically disappeared!

They engage you with crazy banter, and mislead you left and right. At one point, the wall is cut-out to reveal the exit on the other side. But a monster laughs at you, challenging you to actually find the exit you just saw Sure enough, it's much harder than it seems it should be and the confusion continues!

ENTANGLEMENT is the last part of this haunt, with an older feel to it. There are relics from the past, like an old wagon wheel that you can easily imagine being used by the pioneers of old.

Spooky music comes and goes, but the surprises and taunting are relentless! We really liked the goat man, a two-headed girl, and a rather strange wooden bridge that has a mind of its' own!

The sequence starting with a cage containing a double-headed baby swinging in the air is killer! There's a lot more, including something we've never seen before with the birthing-chamber (or Womb of Doom).How did they do that??!!

Lots of unique-to-them twists make this a haunt full of confusion and strange surprises¬ YOU CAN ONLY SEE AT TERROR ON 27!

This haunt has a great story line. It's a crazy tale about some guys grandfather who cut down a bunch of trees but they all grew back over night!

TWO THIRDS OF THE WAY THERE...

Crazy Bob at the Haunted Hydro in Ohio is a wild and crazy guy as you may know, but he's also a very wise Father of the Haunt Scene that's often looked to for guidance from other haunts.

Bob has a rule of thumb about new haunts that we've often seen play out exactly as he says, which is this: If a new haunt can survive FOR THREE YEARS AND THEN become profitable, you've got a viable long-term prospect on the haunt scene.

Well, this haunt is in its' second year for 2014, so they must be doing something right.

Unfortunately, they were closed when we arrived but we had a great evening anyway because we actually visited a restaurant that is haunted!

Not kidding, we went to BONE HEADS in WILLIS nearby and the place is not only super old and ultra-spooky decorated but the food is awesome and reasonable. The parking lot was PACKED, on a Sunday night!Check THIS out: www.BoneHeadsInc.com/haunts.html

We shouldn't be surprised Boughan's was closed though, as it was November 2nd when we went! Virtually all other haunts were closed for days by then.

But we were able to have a brief talk with them anyway. And we promised to come back to them FOR YEAR THREE...which just could be a very big milestone for this new-kid-on-the-block!

BURTON - (FLINT area)

BURTON HAUNTED FOREST

3495 South Center Road, Burton, MI 48519

(810) 701-7875

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2014 - VITAL TRANSFORMATION!

First off, this is an all volunteer haunt. And we have NEVER seen a volunteer haunt that didn't SERIOUSLY ROCK!They've got a small army of passionate workers committed to a cause that means a lot to them.

This haunt has virtually re-invented itself completely since last year! WOW...now THAT is a BIG WOWSER IN ITSELF...but is it any good?

Don't take our word for it...check this out: ABC-TV came calling on this haunt recently to be a part of a Halloween theme show in the same vein as their Light Wars series. Unfortunately, the footage needed wasn't available right then so it's been placed on the back burner for now.

But don't let that stop you from experiencing this top-notch forest walk that will make you laugh and scream! Mixing it up big time in the classic haunt tradition of powerful story-telling, combined with a multi-sensory blast is the winning formula that's drawing big crowds that all leave exhilarated with their emotions scrambled and shaken well (but not stirred)!

At the end of the recording we made at THE CRYPT, a girl is clearly heard and this is WHAT SHE SAID...VERBATIM: "I think I'm actually having like a heart attack right now!"

But here's the thing - she's screaming, she's laughing, she's crying, she's waving her arms all over...she's not having a heart attack...she's having the time-of-her-life!

Her buddies are all high fiving her, and WHAM...another awesome shared haunt experience delivered OLD SCHOOL LOUD & PROUD!

You can stop reading now. That's all you need to know, just go...unless you're curious in which case keep reading.

There's lots of modern edges too of course, but THE CRYPT stays true to the core essence of haunted houses that made the whole thing go wild to begin with!

Fabulous sound and lighting throughout. The music changes often and distinctly with perfect isolation between rooms. Also features a cool black hole and a great room where everything goes wrong all at once!

One favorite actor was in the bathroom, which features a full sized bathtub with lots of real water flowing. He accuses us of making the disgusting, horrible toilet mess that's overflowing with some really big ones! He's perfect...rude and crude...but way funny! WAY TO MIX IT UP, CRYPT.

BUILT-IN BOUNCERS TO BOOT

The priceless rude guy in the bathroom is one of several very large people in real life to be acting in THE CRYPT. Not fat mind you...and they look like they could bench press an unruly jerko with two fingers no problem...hey, safety is important too!

KICK OUT THE JAMS, ZOMBIE BROTHERS!

There used to be a band in Detroit called the MC5. Ask your folks what happened at their concerts.

Many hard core and punk bands cite the MC5 as an early influence, and they played at the Grande Ballroom with a raw, primal energy that exploded worldwide.

Well, THE CRYPT is reminding us of that kind of energy...RAW AND PRIMAL...AND OHHHH SO GOOD!

But actually...don't take our word for it...just ask any of the hundreds of people waiting in line to get their own shared experience...at THE CRYPT

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2014 - (sadly this review was lost in the Feb. 13, 2015 crash we are still trying to recover from) IF ANYONE HAPPENED TO COPY THIS REVIEW PLEASE CONTACT US AT ZIOPTIS@YAHOO THANK YOU SO MUCH.

The best haunt experience involves you personally to some degree, and quick thinking actors can go a very long way very quickly when they're on their game.

This haunt delivers the goods from the get-go.

A wild-eyed girl frantically tells a crazy story that even the police didn't believe, but clearly she does as she warns of another girl with a famous name nearby that makes herlook like Mother Theresa in comparison!

Another favorite was a nurse girl late in the journey whose uniform is splattered with blood. She's quick to improvise some snappy answers to our probing questions, and confesses that she "likes to collect ears!" EWWWW....

KILLING ME SOFTLY AND INVISIBLY

Before entering, this haunt notifies you that you WILL be touched occasionally and not to touch back. But you probably won't even get the chance anyway, because stealth actor placement means you never see it coming...and then get a much better surprise to boot.

We absolutely loved their GREEN LASER LIQUID SKY ROOM! The laser pattern (or GOBO) is a stationary circle, so those usually invisible air currents come into clear view. Try dragging your fingers through the edges, and SEE them change!

The laser has been placed high enough with just the right downward angle that allows you to get super close to it without getting an annoying blast directly in your eyes. PERFECT.

And when we looked back for a REVERSE VIEW OF THE LIQUID SKY, a quick thinking creepy girl slithered up through the tunnel, moving slowly towards us with a blank stare.

But the best part of the LIQUID SKY ROOM is also probably the least expensive, and makes the room TOTALLY POP! The "walls" have been custom fabricated from nothing more than that Black Plastic Sheeting, which you can get at Home Depot for about $12 a roll. Expensive is NOT always better!

Another cost-saving move this haunt uses is home made lighting gear, but you'll never see the difference between it and commercial products costing much more.

And that means they had more money to invest in something important that you will see...MAKEUP.

In fact, the only mask you will see here is a GAS MASK worn by a girl who warns that you probably will need one too. You'll see her as you approach the down staircase, which at first looks to be on fire...WHAT THE HECK IS DOWN THERE?

Many haunts have been adding paintball features recently as you've no doubt noticed. But this haunt has no need to add paintball, because it's located directly in a giant paintball center to begin with!

This is their 2nd year, and the building has built-in room to grow big time at about 60,000 SQUARE FEET!

THEY arewaiting for you...that is, onlyif you're foolish enough to ignore the warnings.

Who?

Just an ARMY OF TWO is all...and another GIANTACCOMPLICE IN TERROR that you'll experience in the brand new show from ST. LUCIFER'S HAUNTED ASYLUM!

Of course there's lots more actors besides the brand new ARMY OF TWO, but they were our hands down favorites this year.

One particularly amazing gag will WOW you right after you get started on your journey through, in what seems to be an elevator. BIG TIME GOTCHA!

Also features an excellent BLACK HOLE with a see-through walking surface to maximize the spinning sensation. The "newby" with us was totally flabbergasted by it!

Just in case you don't know what a BLACK HOLE is, imagine walking right through the middle of a tunnel...but the entire tunnel is spinning around you!

The inside surface of the "tunnel" is painted with fluorescent paint in various patterns, swirls, or polka-dots that are glowing brightly because the only lighting is UV Blacklight. Mirrors on both ends add the infinity illusion, throwing gas on the fire!

It's like stepping into a spinning vortex, and makes you instantly dizzy...but close your eyes and the intense motion sensation instantly disappears. It's a classic SENSORY ILLUSION, and a SURE WINNER every time!

A new gag we loved reveals that this "hospital" has way more patients than you can imagine...WATCH OUT as they can and will pop out when you least expect them!

This haunt has become famous for NOT resting on laurels and the result is consistently big crowds every season.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that it's located at PLAYLAND which has lots of fun stuff year-round, and seasonal favorites like an IMPRESSIVE GO-KART TRACK, and the newer ZOMBIE KILLERZ BLACK OPS PAINTBALL.

Oh yeah...the PIZZA IS KILLER TOO!

Win-win, Thrill-thrill, Chow-chow...WAIT A SECOND...that weirdo wandering in the parking lot...OH NO! It can't be...what...or WHO is that he's clutching? Ewwwwww!!!

FLINT area - GRAND BLANC

13 FEET UNDER

5290 South Dort Highway, Grand Blanc, MI 48507

(810) 695-8200

ZIOPTIS SEZ 2014 - STRANGE BOOT CAMP HITS TOWN AT LOCAL FUN PALACE!

"Atennnnnn...SHUN!"

Yes SIR, or rather...yes MA'AM we should say to SERGEANT MURPHY¬ who met us here. Her stature is small, but her BARK IS COMMANDING AND GIANT.

She uses lots of impressive sounding military jargon, but something is WAY wrong here...

If you thought this was as cool as we did last year, you need to go again! There's a WHOPPING 6,000 MORE SQUARE FEET this year, for an impressive gain to about 17,000 square feet total...and ALL of it is put to good use!

The story behind this is SO excellent, and exactly what we wish could happen to all long-running haunts: When it comes time for the original owner to retire, instead of the haunt just vanishing without a trace, a dynamic youngster sees a big opportunity and buys the haunt with BIG VISIONS of how much better it could be.

So how much better did it become?

The first big test / indicator was last year (the first for the new crew) with massive ad campaigns that were impossible to miss, which packed the parking lot on Day One.

But a more important test was still to come, because a massive ad campaign does not guarantee a massively cool haunt.

Word-of-mouth can make or break a haunt, and can easily render all the advertising in the world useless. But EXIT 13 passed that test with flying colors, and the result was giant lines throughout the season!

This year saw the first of several expansions yet to come, a very good sign!

The opening scene contains the usual warnings, disclaimers and such BUT with one big exception compared to most other haunts: YOU are NOT allowed to touch the monsters as usual, but THEY ARE allowed to touch you!

CELLULAR WALL OF SHAME

A warning not to be gabbing on your cell phone in the haunt is accented by a large collection of cell phones on the wall, with the hint that YOUR phone could be the next addition! We never bring our phones inside haunts anyway, but some people seem attached at the hip to theirs.

TERRIFIC TACTILES

So the monsters are allowed to touch you?

Don't worry, it's nothing too intense to cause any kind of damage but we must say it gives a FUN NEW DIMENSION you won't see at most other haunts!

Of course, performances can and do vary from day-to-day and sometimes even hour to hour...you never know what exactly will set the monsters off! And last year I seem to recall one especially muscular monster who to my complete surprise LIFTED ME UP LIKE A TWIG, despite my rather large stature of 6 foot 2 and the high side of 200 pounds...it was awesome!

There's playful leg grabs, cheek tweaking, etc. with lots of crazy talk along the way...monsters say the darnest things and as you probably know they can never be trusted for directions!

Ever seen"Family Guy"? The opening song mentions things"THAT MAKE US LAUGH AND CRY..."

Mixing up people's emotions is the MOST POWERFUL STORY TELLING tactic, and SLAUGHTERHOUSE has it down to a science!

Magicians and comedians together produce a result far greater than their sum total, and THAT is why this haunt has had such phenomenal success.

They started many moons ago, with a Halloween party for the local kids with a decorated barn and candy. But it eventually took on a life of its' own, and they threw some portable classroom buildings together for their public debut.

Like the wise guy on the mountain with his yogurt says, "The journey of a lifetime starts with a single step."

SLAUGHTERHOUSE took that single step, then began running with the pack so fast they left others in the dust, wondering what happened. And THAT is a very nice place to be.

BLOOD BATH & BEYOND HAYRIDE has a new trick up its' sleeve that ups the ante considerably.

THINKING IS THE BEST WAY TO TRAVEL

Isn't science wonderful?

We've seen this haunt do all sorts of impossible, amazing stuff...or so we thought until they just revealed THEY FIGURED OUT TELEPORTING!!!

When you see the girl with red hair, get ready for a BIG IMPOSSIBLE WOWSER MOMENT.

We finally made the time for the HAUNTED CORN MAZE this trip! The emphasis isn't so much on being a maze, as serving as a nature path to some GIANT GAGS. There are some multiple-ways-to-go choices, so you may get lost...but not for long.

Most of the giant gags in the maze involve some sort of structure you enter, but our hands-down favorite is a large rectangular caged room.

After the door is secured shut, the entire room roses and flies around at any speed and angle they choose. It can go as high as 30 feet! But don't worry, they probably won't take you quite that high...but they COULD...and SAFELY TOO!

You never see it, but the "room" is attached to an industrial grade machine designed for large building construction. It has the power of a crane, and the agility of a lizard's tongue!WOWSER.

But some of the strangest things in the maze were things we never did see! There's some unique sounds we simply could NOT identify. One was a clicking noise behind us that sounded like pieces of plastic. The other was a strange rustling from somewhere inside the corn, but we could never detect anyone there making these disturbances!PRIMO.

After all that, you'll want to relax around the fire...trading stories and munching tasty treats from the concessions area...we tried the hot dogs and gourmet mustard they had...YUM!

One guy we talked to here only wanted to know one thing - what time do they close? Turns out he was the bus driver that just brought a large group from KENTUCKY!

3 dancers emerge from giant tubes of sorts as an original instrumental soundtrack takes control of the audience with the giant impact of a top pro audio system.

The general public has become accustomed to hearing world class sound reproduction at even small to midsize clubs, so ANY entertainment venue has got to be on their A-GAME when it comes to sound systems.

The dancers also interact with the audience big time, while keeping perfect sync with the others. They look young, but their movements and facial characterizations are HOLLYWOOD MATERIAL ALL THE WAY. We especially liked the girl on the right, with her colorful dress and wicked makeup...FABULOUS!

The fog machines have been moved up high in a pair about mid-stage, but these are NOT your dad's fog machines. They spit outCO2 blasts of "fog" that appear to be changingcolors!

It looks like those CHAUVET brand LED light panels behind the fog blasters...crisp, clear, and bright...this is the same stuff you see at major concerts.

THE GUARANTEED BIG-WOWSER MOMENT

It gets better. A super effective GREEN LASER LIQUID SKY is produced with a projector on the far wall facing the stage. It's been programmed to accent the dance routine with flawless synchronization.

But even better, in addition to a multitude of shapes and GOBOS, they use various FLAT BEAM SEQUENCES creating a luminous ceiling of sorts that is positively stunning! People were pulling out their smart phones as fast as they could! For a lot of them, it was probably the first time they'd ever seen a large scale green laser liquid sky show...and the first time you see it is A SURE WINNER JAW DROPPER.

All this is before you even enter the walk thru haunt here!

WHERE DID ALL THE FLOWERS GO?

When you do get inside, you'll see a whole different show than last year. The props and sets were new last year too though, so what happened to them?

KARMA IS AS KARMA DOES

They were shipped off to a different haunt in another market, in an awesome consortium of haunts that help each other out.

With such high quality, custom-made props and sets it would be a shame to only use them once! But with unique arrangements like this, the same props are not seen year-after-year in a single haunt market. WIN WIN!

This is a combination walk through haunt and spooky corn maze at a farm, truly a classic combination for A BIG WINNER. Many of the most successful haunts started this way...think BLAKE'S or WIARD'S for example.

Well, this first year haunt just got lucky...but WE were the ones that scored!

Okay, luck was only part of it though, asthe monsters herewere totally on their game. This haunt is very well thought out, with effective decoys and misdirection surprises. The actors have excellent interaction, mannerisms, and vocals.

And without these key elements it can be just "a lot of dressing on the cake," as it takes lots more than just flashy displays and pop-outs to REALLY DELIVER A DYNAMIC, INDIVIDUALIZED HAUNT EXPERIENCE!

All the moments and weather conditions came together perfectly, and we got a cool show and a stunning visual treat at the BONADEO HAUNTED CORN MAZE.

We were lucky enough to arrive when there was zero wind to hinder the fog machines, and the results were spectacular! It was amazing to see an overhead canopy of fog, like a smoke ceiling slightly above head level.

Even better, various light sources on the other side of the corn cut through the fogCREATING A LIQUID SKY EFFECT OF SORTS!

In the classic GREEN LASER LIQUID SKY using a stationary oval pattern or flat beam, air currents are clearly seen at the edges of the beams. You can drag your fingers thru the edge and see the disturbances... this same optic principle was at work THE NIGHT WE WENT TO BONADEO FARMS.

FAIR WARNING

There's no guarantee you'll see this AWESOME FOG WOWSER, as a hearty blast of wind can be the downfall of even scores of American DJ FOG HOG's blowing their guts out.

But we DO feel confident that you will be glad you went to BONADEO FARMS to experience their excellent walk though haunted house, as well as the "Haunted Corn Maze."

It's just the inhabitants...only problem though...they don't know they're dead...and they're SO anxious for you to join them!

DEAD MAN'S PARTY

No, not the Oingo Boingo song they played in "Back To School."It's the dead dudes jamming out...

THE INCREDIBLE INVISIBLE MAN

Sometimes the creepiest things at a well-done haunt are clearly heard but NOT seen, and the HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME NAILED ITin this department.

THE PERFECT EXECUTION

We could clearly hear the staggered gait of someone...or some THING immediately behind us. But every time we looked back, there was NOBODY THERE...CREEEEEEPY!!!

APPLE PIE ALA MODE

Some things just naturally go together, some less appetizing than others.

Like porta-johns and haunted houses. Often they're dark, and they...well you know.

The guys don't care so much, but the girls can be a different story.

Before we left the HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME I decided to hit the porta-john, getting ready to squint and hold my nose.

But it's brightly lit, and smells daisy fresh!

There's what appears to be a full size water tank behind the toilet, with a real looking flush handle to boot. OK, it's probably one of those trick toilets we've seen here and there...always something new...probably like a skeleton pops out when you push the handle, but we always play into the gags...so I do my thing...reach the handle...push it down...and...

SWOOOOSH, SWIRLY SWIRLY,silence.

Surprise, it's a one-of-a-kind porta-john equipped for external plumbing with the Superpower Saniflush Action...but we didn't notice the connections from the back as they've got it right up against the rear wall of the building.

THE PRETTY PORTA-POTTY DIFFERENCE

If you want to see this STATE-OF-THE-ART MODERN MARVEL OF THE PLUMBING WORLD, you'll have to go here to see it because the local toilet warehouse no longer has this item in stock.

Isn't science wonderful?

Oct. 8 update: I just happened to be on Inkster Road today...saw some activity at the HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME so stopped by for a moment to thank them for really giving us the business last Friday night!

With haunts, bigger and badder is usually better...but this time small is where it's at.