Hondo, riding high and feeling mighty after ringing up an 11-2 record in Week 4, crashed and burned in Week 5 with a 4-8-2 mark that left him tied for third. Luckily for Mr. Aitch, he didn’t lose much ground because of the general ineptitude of those ahead of him.

Jets over Bengals: A quick check of this week’s Bengwads’ blotter shows that a backup LB was suspended for using a banned substance, but no one was arrested. There must be some mistake. Regardless, the 0 and cinco Bengwads have no chance now that Favre and Coles have found symbiosis.

Saints over Raiders: This matchup normally would call for a Raider play because of the New Coach Theory. However, Hondo’s Handicapping Bible, which is adhered to religiously by HondoNation, calls for an override when that theory is up against the Avoid The Raiders Because Al Davis Is A Doddering Washed-Up Lunatic Theory.

Ravens over Colts: Congratulations are in order for Mike “L’il Him” Lupica and MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann (aka Uberdork), who were named Obama-Biden Co-Lap Dogs Of The Week, barely nosing out the always formidable Anchors for Obama.

Panthers over Bucs: Make the Tom V SuperSystem (visiting ‘dog getting less than three) work for you.

Lions over Vikings: Apparently, Millen did not have pictures of Lions’ owner William Clay Ford in compromising positions as suspected. So now the big mystery is why it took so long to fire the most incompetent GM in NFL history.

Falcons over Bears: Peter “Petey Perv” Cook, Christie-Brinkley’s ex, tells 20/20 tonight he hopes “the world will see that I’m not the pervert that I have been painted to be.” Unfortunately, by repeatedly taking “matters” into his own hands in front of a webcam, he pretty much has locked up pervert-for-life status.

Dolphins over Texans: The wrong side’s favored, which makes this the Market’s Down 40 Percent And Retirement’s Approaching Bailout Pick Of The Week.

Rams over Redskins: Speaking of on-line porn freaks, David Duchovny is out of sexual addiction rehab, apparently having been cured of his devotion to the smutty side of the Internet. From now he’ll stick to magazines.

Broncos over Jaguars: The Pilgrim Congregational Church in Weymouth, Mass., now has a weekly “Woof ‘n’ Worship” service that dogs can attend. It’s a wonderful program because it gives the hounds a chance to take a break from licking themselves so they can focus on getting in touch with their spiritual side.

49ers over Eagles: Additionally, the pious pups can pray for forgiveness for such sins as: passing gas in the car, urinating on the rug, passing gas in the house, coughing up tinfoil, excessive shedding, senseless barking, and grinding on the neighbor’s leg.

Cardinals over Cowboys: The Cowboys are a reflection of their fat and soft coach.

Packers over Seahawks: Take the points, but give to the Joey Doyle Memorial Scholarship Fund (www.joeydoyle.com). Friends and family of Joey – Packer fan and Wagner College record-holding pitcher before becoming a Cantor Fitzgerald 9/11 victim – will be holding their sixth annual benefit Sunday at Level One on Staten Island (across the street from the Annandale Train Station). The doors open at noon and will close when all the fun and giving are done.

Chargers over Patriots: Dominatrixes in the city want to form a union to help them collect money from clients who are in arrears. Why don’t they just beat it out of them? That way everybody’s happy.

Browns over Giants: Careful, Big Blue boosters, Laxico’s iffy for the Monday nighter. His 21-month-old son is taking some night classes and doesn’t have a ride this week.