Awards

The Army brass gave out medals today in the chow hall. Surely, down in Washington, they have some domed cricket court for the sole purpose of handing out awards. Today, I wouldn’t have traded the White House Rose Garden for the chow hall. It seemed perfect. Plus, nobody ate with the wrong fork.

Four guys won the Army Commendation Medal With Valor. A bunch of soldiers won other awards. I’ll list them in a minute. But first, a bit about awards.

This is how the Army does it. The bigwigs come in, briefly speechify, then deliver the goods. They salute the guy, pin their trinket on him, shake his hand, move on. Nobody walks up to the podium while the theme song plays, then reads a tearful thank you speech. No celebrity presenters read cue card ad-libs. Nobody sings, nobody walks the Red Carpet, and nobody dresses in an attempt to break the Jennifer Lopez cleavage barrier because – hey, it’s the Army – and everybody dresses alike and lines up like spoons. And today’s best part was that after the ceremony, everybody basically said two words: Let’s eat.

I have been to journalism awards ceremonies that were so unspeakably depressing that you’d never want write another news story, just out of the fear that you might win again. Without a wet bar and designated drivers, there be riots. Worse, some awards ceremonies last longer than hockey games. Everybody has an cherished anecdote that “sums it all up.” But for once, don’t blame reporters, OK? They’re not giving themselves awards. There’s this bizarre mindset out there that, in a world that has lost its ability to tell quality from crapola, you can slither out of criticism by piling up a litter box full of journalism awards. And that’s what some media outlets do. (UNLIKE the Syracuse Post-Standard, which NEVER does this!) Aw, I dunno. Am I making sense here? There’s just something dishonorable about always honoring the always honored. After a while, it’s just honorers honoring honorers.

Well, these Army guys today won medals fighting for their country in a thankless war. They received them in the chow hall, then sat down to eat chicken fingers.