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Dominance and submission involves much more than whips and chains. It is a special experience and a special lifestyle. It is an erotic way for two people to interrelate. It takes us from where we are, to where we want to be. Go ahead.....try to explain it to someone who's never heard of it.
Observe that person's reactions.
Repulsion. Disqust. Fear. Perhaps curiosity. Non-practioners just don't understand. The lifestyle we have chosen almost defies explanation. However, we know that it allows us to explore new and unfamiliar aspects of ourselves. We know that doing "forbidden" things excites us. We know that, in our games and rituals, we just want to have fun and be loved.
In any D/s experience-- whether a brief encounter or a lasting relationship-- one partner seeks to be the Master or Mistress, and the other seeks to be the submissive or slave. One acquires power, the other surrenders it. This isn't done involuntarily-- it is an act of complicity between the two of them. Sometimes, only they know their little secret. Sometimes they share it with others.
This exchange of power can be seductive, thrilling, intoxicating, and---if anything--- quite natural. If you are the Dominant partner, you expect your submissive to surrender. You may be harsh or benevolent, but you will accept nothing less than obedience and servitude. You may impose strict rules to enforce your authority. You may use sex to torment and exploit your submissive.You expect to be pampered, adored, loved and worshiped. But, along with your power, you know you have enormous responsibilities.
If you are a submissive, you know you exist to serve and please your Master or Mistress. The restraints you are placed in and the torments you receive are designed to reinforce your status. If you resist, protest or fail to comply, you know to expect more harsh consequences. So you must prove yourself. Perhaps you need to be "broken in" and almost certainly you need to learn there is no escape, no alternative, for you. You must prove your ability to take direction. You must learn what is expected of you.
What is it that compels us to engage in such "bizarre" interpersonal relations? The best answer has to be----love. D/s is not about abuse; it is about love. It is an expression of a very special love. Two people may be drawn together by their mutual interest in D/s but, ultimately, love binds them together. The submissive partner says "I love you so much that I want to make all your fantasies into reality" The Dominant partner says "I love you so much I want to guide you to your fullest potential in life and protect you along the way".
A vast difference exists between doing a scene with someone you just met and committing to a relationship with someone you love. True, you can do scenes without forming an intimate relationship first, but most of us prefer to practice D/s in the context of a loving relationship. Without the emotional and physical attraction of a loving relationship, D/s activities seem less than gratifying.
A gradual decline in sexual interest/interpersonal relations often occurs in conventional relationships and marriages. But, a dull life doesn't have to be inevitable. D/s is a way to maintain or restore our sense of passion. It allows us to create a special world for ourselves. Among all the creatures on earth, we humans alone have the imagination that allows us to do this. It allows us to live the lifestyle we want. It allows us to become what we want.
I will listen.. together we will face your fears and desires. Don't be tormented by your secrets any longer. Let us explore your yearnings in confidence within a safe enviroment.