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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said. “No. I hate myself now.”-Rodney Dangerfield

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude theyll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, “What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.” All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says “Dont forget the coffee!”

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, 'Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?'
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, 'You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!'
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, 'Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy is she going to get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "'Anybody?'
"Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, 'The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, 'Very good, Billy.' Then she turned to Mary and continued. "And as for you, young lady, I have three things to say: one, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn't read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends very late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. 'What's with the big brass gong?' one of the friends asked.
'It's not a gong. It's a talking clock,' the drunk slurred in response.
'A talking clock? Seriously?' asked his astonished friend. 'How's it work?'
'Watch,' the drunk replied. He stumbled across the room, picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood in silence, looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, 'You idiot..it's three-fifteen in the morning!!'

I don't have a watch, but I do have a phone. All I have to do in case of a power outage is keep calling people locally. Eventually someone will say, "Do you know what time it is, you ***! It's three o'clock in the f***ing morning!" To which I'd reply, "I do now--thanks!" and hang up.

Here ya go Saucy! They don't call him the wild man for nothing! During a kick a** solo the crowd eggs him on and he strips down to his boxers shaking his booty and he might even moon them in this one!LMAO........YouTube - Angus Young, Best Solo Ever!!!

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