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Tag Archives: reflection

Walking to CBC, standing in a queue listening to people talking about the taping show, taking an elevator, going to a studio… that is how we become part of something larger than self…

The studio is dark, lots of cameras in each corner, some wearing black invisibly guiding you to the room… the room and its aroma, its catchy lights … equipment all around… new and old rusty, dusty, and shiny…

Watching self in the room, as a witness, in this new making… moments of being part of a production…

No matter if it is a talk show or a music show or a comedy show, you are part of a repetition of events … every time it gets repeated, it is better understood… you learn to be present non-judgmental… mistakes are made, personal /technical glitches with no negativity attached … it is like life- moving, floating, making, and remaking itself …

You are an outsider but a contributor…. your emotions- laughter, sadness, excitement, disgust and joy- count … each word, each punchline, each melody is an invitation to be part of…

The world -small or big- is a stage, is a taping set… we are guided by others to take a place in this world; we play a part, we perform with consciousnesses or without, we are part of it if we feel included or not, we are in it…

it is up to us how to make it; it is up to us to help remake it; our part matters, our presence matters, we are significant in this room, in this world…

Another 12 months went by! We always wonder about time. It is time to reflect on what happened in the past 12 months of our life. Reflection may deepen our understanding and bring us wisdom and insights in life.

Life seems to be an unknown journey with (un)limited and (in)visible possibilities. We don’t know what happens next and where we end up; but we may know what we do and what is not in sync with our values.

Everyday, we encounter new/old invitations to change ourselves and our relationships. Everyday, invitations/ possibilities are offered; regardless of our responses. Our life experiences form our knowledge of self and others; our life journey influences how we respond to invitations/ possibilities.

Every year, we tend to evaluate our choices; we look back and review what we did or didn’t. Every year, we promise to do things differently, we plan to change our habits to become a person who we’d prefer to be.

It is time to do it again but perhaps differently. Let’s reflect not to blame; let’s become active in tweaking our actions to be more in sync with our beliefs; let’s find out who we really want to be in this world and how we want to make a difference- there are lots of opportunities waiting… What do you want to change in your life? What do you want to keep doing? How could you make the world a better place? Where can you contribute?

I saw Philomena the other day. Like you, I enjoyed the depth of emotions presented in the movie. Such a fresh great story. If you haven’t seen this movie, it is highly recommended!

As I was watching it, many questions were developing in my mind. Questions like these: Why did she decide to forgive the church? What contributed to her ability to forgive? Did her personal religious beliefs make the forgiveness possible to her? Did her son’s political positions influence her decision to forgive? What made her have a strong determination not to be like those who practice ‘anger’? Does she see forgiveness a response/solution to conflicts?…

As i was overwhelmed by these questions, the placement of the journalist – Martin Sixsmith- became more visible to me. He wasn’t an average Joe; he was a journalist, a so-called expert investigating a story about a lost child. Martin’s particular position got my attention; he was actively participating in unpacking and unfolding the untold well-kept story.

Questions were pouring to my consciousness; for instance, what is his role in re- storing Philomena’s experience? He was invited to help with investigation but there was no explicit or implicit permission given to him to take on the job alone; as It was very clear throughout the movie. How did he restrain himself not to go beyond what Philomena asked? If he was given permission to take on the leading role in retelling the story, could he add his own views, attitudes towards Church in this story? Could he influence the process of storytelling? What stopped him from not intruding and re-authoring Philomena’s story for Philomena?

I was amazed and pleased with the way he was positioned in this movie. He followed ethics that have been overlooked in our professional world! What he did could be called as ‘relational ethics’ in storytelling.

The way we, helping professionals , conduct ourselves, regulate our emotions, and hold on to our beliefs is critical to how stories are narrated and re-told. We, as a witness to people’s stories, need to be mindful of our responsibilities to those who consult with us. We need to be reminded of not adding our own resentment, anger or assumptions to their stories. We need to constantly re-pace ourselves to be in sync with our clients, not oppress their voices and not re-write their experiences of hardship and trauma. We need to be cognizant of putting pieces of stories into its own contexts, time and place and not evaluate them according to our today’s standards. These actions are what i call as ‘relational ethics’.

I believe having ‘relational ethics’ allows us to prevent conflicts from reshaping our life. ‘Relational Ethics’ allows us to be able to develop close deep understanding of the past events. It supports stories to remain fresh, effective, alive and influential throughout the human history!

We all want Love in our life. We all have strong desire to experiencing loving relationships. We all want to reassure ourselves that we are being loved by someone special. But what is Love? How can it be possible? Can it be constructed?

Loving ourselves, loving each other, our neighbors, and our enemy are essential part of philosophical political and psychological debates in human history. It is said, most fights/ conflicts are linked to the absent of Love in human relationships.

Thick Nhat Hanh shares his views and wisdom on ways of bringing Love more present in our daily life. In his book, True Love (1997), he says: according to Buddhism, there are four elements of true Love. I am going to share with you what he consider as essence elements of Love. They are the following:

a) The first element of true love is Maitri, which can be translated as Loving- kindness or Benevolence. Loving- Kindness is not only the desire to make someone happy, it is the ability to bring joy to the person you love. To have this ability, you must practice ‘deep looking’ directed towards the person you love. If you don’t understand this person, you can’t love properly. Understanding is the essence of love. How to understand the person? We must have time; we must practice looking deeply into this person. We must be attentive. We must observe and look deeply.

b) The second element of true love is Karuna, Compassion, this is not only the desire to ease the pain of another person but the ability to do so.

c) The third element of true love is Mudita, Joy. If there is no joy in love, it is not true love. If you are suffering all the time, if you cry all the time, if you make the person you love cry, this is not really love. It is even the opposite.

d) The forth element is Upeksha, Equanimity or Freedom. In true love, you attain freedom. When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free; not only outside but also inside.

I would like to invite you to reflect on your love according to these elements and see if your love has these elements and if not, what could you do differently. Please share your thoughts and ideas!

Movies are great, provocative and generative; they bring new ideas into our consciousness. One of my favorite directors, Abbas Kiarostami, recently directed a great movie; Like Someone In Love. If you haven’t seen it yet, it is highly recommended.

Kiarostami’s way of movie-making and story-telling is very special. His movies are intentionally crafted and directed; they are very purposeful; and his movies tend to show invisible subtle and neglected elements of our daily life very vividly. Like his other movies, he conveys significant phenomena that has been affected many people; Love and Violence. Love and violence, for some reasons, have been linked together in our life. This marriage is destructive.

A former university professor and a student of sociology- who has a fiance – have an encounter in a very strange way. These two main characters are affected by violence when the fiance performs love with aggression, violence and domination.

The main character in the movie is in the process of change; she questions past traditions and her role as a woman in family and society. She is pressured to do things against her will. She wants to rebel but social cultural and legal support are not there yet. Her voice is not developed yet.

This movie made me think of writing my next post- Love and Violence. Check out my next post and let me know what you think.

I believe connection is an artistic process. Many of us have difficulty connecting to one another. Why? Perhaps because we have difficulty to listen to others, respond to others and accept differences; perhaps it is something to do with the notion of ‘otherness’ or perhaps it is something to do with the degree of self/other awareness. What do you think?

It seems that connection is possible when we spend time together to create relational principles with one another. Connection is a mutual process. Relating doesn’t happen in vacuum; it is experienced when two people allow themselves to be open and influenced by one another. What would support the formation of experience of connection is ‘suspension of judgment/ criticism and self/other awareness’.

When we enter into relationship, our statements/questions indicate the degree of our openness and willingness to experience connection. Openness to exchanging ideas leads to self-awareness and eventually to otherness. Without relationship, Relatedness is not possible. We are products of our relationship; our identities are formed in relationship. Thus, we may need to pay attention to the importance of relatedness and our contribution to its formation. Relational principles are not constructed automatically but by mutually given attention to the importance in relationship.

Experience of connection is possible when we creatively tune into each other and deliberately craft relational principles! Thus, connection is an intentional act.

Emotional safety and suspension of judgment/ criticism are crucial in this process. That is the only way that we feel more comfortable to listen to each other and relate to one another.

Connection is not possible without act of listening. Listening makes people attune to ‘what and how’ things are exchanged in relationship. The importance of listening is overly talked about but is under-used in our daily conversations.

Listening is a practice of holding onto our ideas as we actively pay attention to what others say. This way, we notice differences/ similarities among shared ideas; we may find out possible gaps in our own thinking or others’. In this process of identification, it is important not to feel threatened by differences but remain open to examine and re-view our own ideas.

Self- awareness requires openness, listening and understanding others’ points of views. We are not able to learn about our belief system without allowing others to shed light and reflect on various aspects of our ways of living/ our ways of responding to matters. Self- awareness is formed by our ability to listen to other views and by our willingness to reflect on our own ideas/beliefs.

With listening, sharing ideas and accepting differences, we may become emotionally available to one another and experience the joy of Connection.