My commitment is to transform our current cultural conversation about cancer from one of fear and dread to one that empowers those of us who have cancer, as well as our friends & loved ones.

I had cancer. Cancer didn't have me.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

If I Could Do Anything Right Now...

The thought crossed my mind pretty randomly this morning: If I could do anything right now...?...I would go for a walk. I would tuck in my shirt (just like my Dad used to always tell me to do - not like I ever listened to him back then) put on a nice warm sweater so I stay good and warm, grab a little snack to take with me, and take a long quiet walk along the same roads I've walked countless times since we moved here. I would find myself a wide open space where the sun could warm my face to the point that I forget it's even cold outside. And I would watch the wind blow across the fields and into the trees - it's so beautiful. Eventually, I would lay on my back and stare into the sky for what always seems like hours. And then my simple time of solitude would suddenly end either because a bug crawled on me or because I mistook one too many blades of grass rubbing on my hand or face for a bug that I have very little interest in. No, I don't really care for bugs crawling on my skin, even when I am 1,000 miles away from myself staring into the sky.

That's one of the few reasons why I enjoy winter. I love getting bundled up in my snow gear and finding a nice peaceful place where I can lay down on my back and stare into the endless black sky. It's quiet and peaceful and the sounds of human chaos are muffled by a thick heavy blanket of snow. I can lay there as long as I want to staring at the stars because I know that no bugs will crawl on my skin.

However, since you don't get descent warmth without some risk of bugs, at least around here, I would take a walk today and watch the first of the Autumn leaves change color. Soon it will be followed by the smell of dry fallen leaves and the sound of them as they crunch under my feet, along with an occasional dried up twig as it snaps hidden under all the leaves and lets me know that Old Man Winter is on his way. Trying to describe it just takes me away. It's tough to describe something so beautiful. No, I'm still not a big fan of bugs, but it's pretty up here in Upstate New York.

2 comments:

You are in my thoughts througout the times I can catch some of those golden early autumn rays. Yesterday late afternoon after a grueling work day and fighting a cold, I lay on a cushion from a lounge chair, that close to the earth, in my neglected garden and fell into the lulling comfort of shallow sleep, absorbing the warmth of the late afternoon sun's rays. Beautiful. I hope you are getting outside, if not hiking up the steep hills, and lying in the golden goodness of this blessing of the warming sun, and the fragrance of this sweet time of year. l,rain

"Old Iron Sides"

Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”