10 Signs You Just Might Be A Badass

Wear your calluses with honor, and unless you’re making your own parmesan by shaving your feet into a bowl of bolognese to make it a little more manly…

…leave the toe-cheese scraping to the ladies.

Surfing is for pussies and people who moved from Ohio to California

You go to the barber every Tuesday

You don’t invite the wife to the game so you can do stuff like make it on Sports Center’s Top Plays

You one-up your neighbor with a pit-bull

Bitches let you walk all over them

You shutgun beers while boardsliding twenty-stairs

You don’t even have to ride your bacon bareback

You have a throne

You don’t even bother making fun of guys who go out to bars in Venice wearing blazers

The Bath versus Shower debate of manliness is officially trumped by this bad daddy who prefers to boil himself in an excavator bucket over a wood-only fire. That’s right, no briquettes, just pure man salt and mesquite