Rory: Something romantic, but not mushy, something that will make us remember this.

Dean: [chuckle] Ah, believe me, I'm remembering this.

Rory: Oh, I know. [She reaches over to the nightstand and loads a nearby CD into her player and turns it on ] Okay. Perfect. So, from now on, no matter what you're doing, where you are, you'll stop and think of me when you hear this [clicks remote on. Sammy Davis Jr.'s "The Candy Man" plays]

Dean: [laughs] That's not gonna be our song.

Rory: Why not? It's perfect. It's happy. It's hopeful. It has the word "candy" in it. Hey, what is more hot than candy?

Dean: Pick something else.

Rory: [She bobs to the music beat and repeats the lyric in a high squeaky voice] "Who can take the sunrise… sprinkle it with dew"

Emily: Everything cannot be on your schedule, Richard. [shuffles through small drawers on the desktop] Now, where is it? I know I put it in here. [She picks up a small, thin blue booklet.] Aha!

Richard: In all the years we've been together, I have never seen you behave as irrationally as -- Emily, I'm talking to you! Will you stop? [Emily storms down the hallway, brushing aside a nearby potted palm tree frond] Emily, this feud of ours has now reached comical heights that… Charlie Chaplin, himself, would find hilarious, and he's dead.

Emily: Don't follow me, Richard.

Richard: Oh, wait, come back. Let me get you a cane and a derby.

Emily: [provoking grin] I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvelous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day.

Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.

Emily: Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.

Richard: Do you seriously think after 39 years of marriage, I would resort to locking you in a basement? [follows her to front of house]

Emily: I don't know what you'd resort to. I don't know who you are at all.

Richard: I knew the mental illness in your family would catch up with you eventually.

Sookie: I was just going to check on my loaves and make sure they're rising properly. The air's a little more humid than I thought it was going to be, and if the loaves aren't rising properly, then -- what are you doing? [They both pull Sookie closer to the sofa]

Lorelai: We need you to look at Kirk's butt.

Sookie: Why?

Lorelai: Well, because he ran into some rose bushes, and he's got some thorns stuck in it, and I thought of you.

Sookie: Me? Why me?

Lorelai: Well, because... you're a chef.

Sookie: What?

Luke: And you have a kid.

Lorelai: Yes, that's better. You have a kid.

Luke: Neither of us has kids. Well, she does, but it's big and -- and -- and can look at her own butt.

Kirk: Is Luke here?

Luke: I'm right here, Kirk.

Kirk: Sorry I bit you.

Luke: It's okay, Kirk.

Sookie: [approaches] Hey, Shortstuff. How's it hangin'?

Jackson: He just came to say hi to everybody and to see the place on which his entire college education depends. What do you think? Is it gonna be Ivy League, or is it gonna be "Murray's House of Learnin'"?

Sookie: If we're going by the donut demand, I think he's in pretty good shape.

Jackson: Okay, Ivy League it is. [baby talk to Davey] I just hope you're not stupid. Yeah?

Jackson: Yeah, he did. Oops, he's got that look on his face. You might want to give him back to me.

Miss Patty: Oh, please, if I went running every time some guy tried to crap all over me, I never would have gotten married.

Lorelai: Hey, Sookie, what did you want to talk - Oh my!

Sookie: [Squeals and hugs Lorelai] I'm so happy!

Lorelai: I'm so glad you're so happy! Is this is a normal happy or was there cooking sherry involved?

Lorelai: Hey, so where are you right now?

Luke: Uh, about 10 minutes out of 'If I lived here I would shoot my brains out.'

Lorelai: Oh, well I hear its nice this time of year.

Luke:Hey it's me. Listen I got a call from my sister and TJ, they are up in Maine and they got into a little accident. Nothing too major, just each one of them broke an arm and a leg. So anyhow, they can't run the Renaissance fair booth for a couple of weeks. So they asked me to come and help them out, and I, unfortunately, answered the phone, so I'm on my way to Maine. I'll be back in about a week. OK? Bye.Lorelai: Great...
(Message number 2)Luke: Hey it's me again, I'm not sure we are at the point in this relationship where you actually need to know that much information about my whereabouts. So if we're not, I'm sorry. I could have just said, "I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later." So I'm going out of town, and I'll call you later.
(Message number 3)Luke: It's me again. The idiot that leaves you three rambling messages on your machine. I just wanted to tell you I got a cell phone before I left so... You know you could call if you want, but only if you want so... That's it.Lorelai: AH! (Frustrated)
(Message number 4)Luke: Yeah number might be good.Lorelai: Thank you. (She writes the number down)Luke: 860-294-1986. OK bye.
(Message number 5, she is finishing writing down the number)Luke: Just...don't change your mind until I get back, OK? OK, talk to you later.

Lane: Look, I told you guys I'd throw you free fries. Not a big deal because they're usually the ones we wind up throwing away anyway. Which means you don't have to call them wink-winkers, or nudge-nudgies or know-what-I-meanies, or anything else in verbal code, especially if it's cute-cutesy.

Lane: [referring to coffee given to Lorelai at the diner] I made it extra strong. It should blacken your teeth and rot your stomach.

Lorelai: But this is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.

Rory: I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments.

(Sookie is trying to get Lorelai to take some time off.)Sookie: Want to know the last time I saw staff and maids looking this scared of their boss? Your mother's house.Lorelai: Ow...knife in the gut!

Lorelai: (after finding out that Lindsay read the letter Rory wrote to Dean) Okay, I have got to know what was in that letter.Rory: I...I told him that that night was special and that I wasn't sorry it happened...but he's married, and he has to figure out his life, so I said that I was going to make it easier for him...and take myself out of the mix.Lorelai: That was a very good letter.Rory: I can't believe she found it.

Lorelai: I was just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?

Luke: It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day. The place was packed. And this person...

Lorelai: Oh, is it me? Is it me?

Luke: This person comes tearing into the place, in a caffeine frenzy...

Lorelai: Ooh, it's me!

Luke: I'm with a customer, she interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee. So I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. Finally I turn to her, and tell her she's being annoying. Sit down, shut up, and I'll get to her when I get to her.

Lorelai: You know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful...

Luke: She asked me my birthday. I wouldn't tell her, she wouldn't stop talking, finally I gave in. I told her my birthday. She went and got the newspaper, opened it up to the horoscopes page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me. So I was looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written: 'You will meet an annoying woman. Give her coffee, and she'll go away.' So I gave her coffee.

Lorelai: But she didn't go away!

Luke: She told me to hold onto that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and one day it would bring me luck.

[Luke takes his wallet out and shows Lorelai the horoscope.]

Lorelai: Boy, I will say anything for a cup of coffee! (long pause) I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? You kept this in your wallet...

Luke: Eight years.

Lorelai:[touched] Eight years...

(referring to Luke keeping the horoscope Lorelai gave him)

LORELAI: I can't believe you kept that horoscope.

LUKE: You're just lucky I never clean out my wallet.

LORELAI: You can't take it back now. You've exposed yourself. You've been pining for me.

LUKE: [ Chuckles ] I have not been pining.

LORELAI: I'm your Ava Gardner.

LUKE: God help me

(Luke's alarm goes off)

LORELAI: Bad alarm. Bad, bad alarm.

[Luke reached and turns off alarm, then scoots closer to Lorelai, who now uses him as a pillow]

Lorelai: Halfway here I was struck by the overwhelming feeling that I wore this exact outfit to last Friday night, and there’s no way I’m going in there to see my mother wearing the same thing I wore last Friday night because I may not remember but she sure as hell will.

Rory: I don’t know.

Lorelai: You don’t know?

Rory: You don’t remember but you expect me to?

Lorelai: Well, you look at me more than I look at me; you sit across from me at dinner. You had more of a chance to imprint my ensemble in your brain.

Rory: Sorry, no imprint.

Lorelai: Oh, that hurts.

Rory: Well I’m sure you don’t remember what I was wearing.

Lorelai: I most certainly do.

Rory: Okay, what was I wearing?

Lorelai: You were wearing a lovely and delicately understated, uh, outfit… well, you were definitely wearing these arms.

Rory: Oh, way to imprint, lady.

Lorelai: Stand in front of me, just in case. (Rings doorbell.)

Maid: Hello.

Lorelai: Hi, we should be on the guest list. Holstein and Liza are expecting us. (Maid looks confused.)

Lorelai: Okay. Let’s try it straight. Hi, we’re here for dinner. I’m Lorelai the daughter, this is Rory the granddaughter.

Maid: Oh! Okay, I’m sorry. Right this way.

Rory: She’s acting weird.

Lorelai: She knows I’m wearing the same outfit as last week.

Rory: She wasn’t here last week.

Lorelai: The world’s small, maids talk.

Rory: About you?

Lorelai: Yes.

Rory: Oh. With all that’s going on in the world, all the maids in existence are talking about you.

Lorelai: Huh. ‘Kay, now you’re making me seem a little stuck up.

Maid: Can I get you something to drink?

Lorelai: Yes, a martini please.

Rory: Coke, please.

Lorelai: Oh, you know, maybe we should wait for my mother. Is she coming down soon?

Maid: No.

Lorelai: Oh. Okay. Do you know if she saw what I was wearing through the window?

LANE: You cannot put those flyers here! I'm surprised that my mother told you that you could, but you can't! So, go stand on a street corner like I had to do, ages six through fourteen! [Kyon just stands there.] Go! What?

Emily: [Directing the setup of chairs for her party] Just move them so people can navigate around them comfortably. [They move chairs] Not that far apart. Not that far apart! Good Lord, if someone needs that much room to get around a chair they shouldn't be at a party, they should be on a treadmill.

MRS. KIM: You! You dirty, filthy devil boy! You will pay for this. You will burn in hellfire for this! You will swim in the sludge with Satan's hell-dogs, and feed them your innards for eternity!

ZACH: Ah, is this about the magazine?

MRS. KIM: She's an innocent girl. And you are a wild pig of filth! I know! I know all you do! You think you can hide from me? That you can carry on your dirty, filthy schemes without me finding out?

ZACH: I'm really, really lost right now.

MRS. KIM: I heard about it! Kyon told me. She told me about your hands on LANE. You put your hands on Lane! My Lane! And before God, I swear that you will be punished. Because that is what happens to all swine that walk up tall!

[She storms away, leaving Zach bewildered.]

[Lane's apartment. Zach is pacing back and forth as she enters.]

LANE: Oh, you're home. Do you want to talk about dinner?

ZACH: Um, sure, or about how your mom totally attacked me today.

LANE: What?

ZACH: I'm standing out on the street in broad daylight, and, like, out of nowhere, bam! She was in my face, crazy and screaming!

LANE: Zach! Slow down, I don't understand.

[She makes him sit.]

ZACH: She cursed me, Lane! What's not to understand? She went on and on about burning in hellfire and swimming in Satan's sludge, and hell-dogs eating me, and I gotta tell you, it sounded bad.

Emily: It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it.

Lorelai: And that's why you think he's moved on?

Emily: It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all.

Lorelai: Well, Mom, I'm sorry.

Emily: It's very upsetting.

Emily: I think it's time for me to date.

Lorelai: [chokes] Oh, my God!

Emily: I want to go on a date.

Lorelai: With a man?

Emily: No, a weasel. Of course with a man.

Lorelai: I'm not hearing this.

Emily: You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?

Lorelai: Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.

Emily: Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now take me through this step by step. You see a man, you walk up to him, and you say...

Lorelai: "Hello."

Emily: Is that too forward?

Lorelai: No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

[on phone]

Lorelai: Hello?

Emily: You get over here right now.

Lorelai: Who is this?

Emily: This is you in 20 years. "Who is this?" I swear.

Lorelai: Mom, calm down.

Emily: Simon McLane.

Lorelai: Who is Simon McLane?

Emily: He's my date.

Lorelai: What?

Emily: I have no idea what to put on. I'm in a blind panic, and it's all your fault.

Lorelai: How is it my fault?

Emily: Because I used your line and it worked.

Lorelai: What line?

Emily: "Hello."

Lorelai: "Hello" is not my line. "Hello" is not a line. "Hello" is hello.

Emily: Well, all I know is I hello-ed him today, and now he's taking me to dinner.

Lorelai: So, Michel has been obsessed with these guests who he swears are the notorious bathrobe bandits from the Independence Inn. At least the moles match. So, apparently they were checking out, and Michel stopped them and demanded they open their suitcases, and they refused. So he grabs the guy's suitcase and starts tearing through all of his stuff, which, of course, went over really well. And when I got there, the wife was calling the cops and the husband was chasing Michel around with a golf club. It took a comped bill and two free bathrobes in addition to the ones they had stolen to get them to drop the charges. Plus, Michel ripped his pants, and his underwear's pink and shiny.

Prof. Bell: Which brings us to this question, does Campbell's work successfully resolve the disparate stances of Jung and Freud when it comes to the collective unconscious?

Rory: Hey, pay attention. Professor Bell is one of the foremost philosophy professors in the country.

Prof. Bell: [. . .] All right. Let's call that close enough. But, now, Campbell can point to the repetition of the hero myth in culture after culture and say "Hey, Sigmund, like it or not here are the same basic characters over and over -"

[Colin enters]

Colin: Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Prof. Bell: I'm right in the middle of a class, young man.

Colin: I know, I'm sorry, I just -- [Runs up to stand by Rory's desk.] Rory, you can't just walk out like that. Not after everything we've been through. You just left. I was still in bed. I mean what is that all about?

Prof. Bell: Ok, you need to do this later.

Colin: I can't do this later. Rory I love you. I love you, dammit! How many times to I have to tell you? God! Just talk to me.

'Prof. Bell: Ok, out right now! Out! Just get -

[Logan enters.]

Logan: Colin! What are you doing, man?

Colin: Get the hell out of here!

Logan: She's with me now. I told you that. Let it go.

Colin: I will not let it go! Everything was fine until you came along!

Logan: Oh, don't blame me because you couldn't keep her.

Colin: I swear to god, I'm gonna kill you!

Logan: Oh, I'd love to see you try.

[Colin lungs at Logan. Boys begin fighting]

Professor Bell: Stop it! Stop it right now! Anthony, get security! It's not the time or the place for this. Break it up! Gentlemen! You are losing control! You are in a classroom.

[A piercing police whistle blows. Into the classroom walks Finn, dressed in a British bobby uniform.]

Finn: All right, that's enough. Break it up, you two. Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself! Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They used to have dignity. They used to have balls. Damn it, Gilmore! Give them back their balls.

Logan: [Sitting down at Rory and Anna's table] So, dull day, huh?

Anna: Not for me.

Logan: [To Rory] Someone's quiet.

Rory: Got nothing to say.

Logan: Do you get the sense that she's mad at me?

Anna: Yep.

Rory: Hey, Anna, why don't you head on over to the fro-yo social? You remember where it is, right?

Anna: Yeah, but I just had three scoops of ice cream.

Rory: Kid, you're in college now, okay? Now, go get yourself some yogurt.

Anna: Are you going to come, Logan?

Logan: [Looks at Rory] Uh, I'm not sure how well I'll be walking, here, in a minute, Anna.

Richard: Well, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.

Logan: The...?

Richard: I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.

Logan: Wha...?

Richard: Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions. Well, you know in this place, news travels fast.

Logan: Yeah, look...

Richard: I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.

Logan: No, I know, I...

Richard: However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.

Logan: My father?

Richard: We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.

Logan: Okay, I think that there's been...

Richard: Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner for next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony. Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.

Logan: But...

Richard: She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan... welcome to the family, son.

[Goes away to meet Rory inside the building. Rory runs towards him.]

Richard: I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.

Rory: You're the best, Grandpa!

Richard: All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?

Rory: Not anymore than usual. However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.

Lorelai: It was years of bliss, y'know. We had some good stuff and good times. I could show you pictures of the snow angels I made, but I am done. Done! […] I am with you now, buddy, a hundred percent.

Luke: With me on what?

Lorelai: Snow is nothing but annoying, icy, frozen water stuff that "falls out of the sky at inconvenient times"! It's Mother Nature's icy "Screw you, Lorelai Gilmore." […] [to some falling snow] Oh, no, no!, don't try to make up with me now! You and me are through! [swats hands at said snow] You—stupid—hate—you!

[Emily calls Richard from main house; in pool house, Richard picks up phone]

Michel: They were back-ordered and due within two weeks. Two weeks turned into eight months, and all we have to show for it is our special yellow back-order receipt. Such cheap paper they use at the mat place. That should have been a clue.

Michel: I would advise that you change our cancellation policy. These people cancel and have to pay nothing.

Lorelai: For the second time. Mom, it's a pretend wedding. J.Lo has them all the time!

Richard: Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe. I went over all the greats – Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry – and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long, we couldn’t keep a nanny longer than a week. And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily’s favorite. Of course, it drove me crazy – some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, ‘If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song.’ Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song.

Lorelai: Hey, stop being such a Nancy-boy about the pants. Think Hemingway ever gave a crap what his pants looked like?

Like: Hemingway blew his brains out, also. How much of a role model do you want me to make this guy?

RORY: Why did you come?

LOGAN: Open bar.

RORY: Quite a draw for a guy with an American Express black card.

LOGAN: Live band, salad, butter pats ¯

RORY: Logan ¯

LOGAN: Little knit bags full of those Jordan almonds ¯

RORY: Are you ever going to ask me out? [No answer.] You flirt with me. You act like you like me a little. You show up here, with a friend, not a date. I mean, aren’t you? Ever? [Pause.] You do like me, right? [Logan smiles.] Oh. Okay. Uh, no problem. [She tries to pull away; he doesn’t let her.] I’ll just, um, let you go back to your table, and I’ll just start burrowing directly into the ground.

'LOGAN: Rory.

RORY: I should be in China by midnight.

LOGAN: Rory.

RORY: You called me Rory.

LOGAN: I have thought about asking you out, several times. I just don’t think it’s such a good idea.

RORY: Why not?

LOGAN: Because you’re special.

RORY: Special, like ‘Stop eating the paste’, special?

LOGAN: You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are incredibly interesting. You’re definitely girlfriend material. I, however, am definitely not boyfriend material. I can’t do commitment, and I don’t want to pretend to you that I can. If I were to date you, there would be no dating. It would be something, right away, and I’m not that guy.

LOGAN: Where are we going?

RORY: How should I know? What, do you think I have a plan or something? Geez. [She grabs a bottle of champagne from the bar.] Live in the moment, Huntzberger. [She walks toward the exit, then looks back at him.] Coming?

Lorelai: [finding Rory and Logan in the middle of making-out] Grandma wants a picture.

LUKE: Oh, really? Well then, where the hell were you when she got the chicken pox and would only eat mashed potatoes for a week, or where were you when she graduated high school, or started college? Huh? Who the hell moved her mattress into her dorm, and out of her dorm and back into her dorm again?

Lorelai: Figure as your little girls arrive, we'll have them here in the living room. We'll have the pocket doors to the dining room closed. Then, when it's time for breakfast, we'll open the doors, and voila, the full, beautiful effect.

Michel: Dolls, as in they don't have stomachs, lungs or spleens? And we are serving them breakfast?

Lorelai: That's right.

Michel: Teeth? Throat? Colons? They don't have these things either? Unless they are Brides of Chucky.

Lorelai: I'm not paying attention to you anymore. [To the woman.] All right,well, I'll order everything, and all you have to do is show up.

Woman: The girls are looking forward to this. So are the dolls!

Lorelai: Aw, love that.

Woman: 'Bye.

Lorelai: Okay, bye.

Michel: [watching her leave] Is she psychotic?

Lorelai: Shh.

[They head into the kitchen.]

Lorelai: It’s silly fun, Michel, girls love dolls. Chill.

Sookie: I'm making little pancakes for the dolls, and I found these little forks they can use.

Michel: They do not have opposable thumbs!

Sookie: Who, the girls? Oh, this is a handicapped group! Poor things.

Michel: No, the dolls.

Sookie: The dolls? How can a doll be handicapped?

Michel: My point exactly! They are plastic and made in Banglagor!

[talking about Lorelai's breakup with Luke]

Lorelai: I'm gonna be distracted until we fix this.

Sookie: Don't worry, because when a relationship is right, things work out.

Lorelai: I hope so.

Sookie:I heard about this couple on one of those morning shows. Similar to you guys, all lovey-dovey, perfect for each other, headed for marriage, and something happened, and they broke up their senior year in college, even though they were madly in love with each other. They moved to different parts of the country. Thay married different people.

Lorelai: They married different people?

Sookie: Had kids, grandkids. Then their spouses died. And they were available again, and they talked, and they hooked up. And now they're together and they're happily in love after 40 years apart.

Lorelai: Oh well, unless his side of the story includes having his long lost evil twin lock him in a closet and come to the wedding in his place, his side of the story doesn't exist.

Rory: So what's going on at home?

Lorelai: Big grapefruit shortage. The hurricanes wiped them out and Taylor is completely freaking out.

Rory: I'm sure.

Lorelai: And Patty and Babette are organizing Stars Hollow's first botox party.

Rory: Are you invited?

Lorelai: Are you insinuating I should be?

Rory: So the Hollow's low on grapefruits?

Paris: Listen, Lorelai? If you decide that your breakup is something that you want to talk about, please let me know.

Lorelai: Okay, Paris.

Paris: And let me know before Tuesday, because I'm doing a paper for my Emotional Mental Health class about how women of a certain age cope with loneliness, and I think you'd be a great lead-off anecdote.

Marty: Oh, no, there’s at least six ATMs within a two block radius and every single one of them is going to tell me that I only have eighteen dollars in my account...and then I believe they will flip me off.

Lorelai: As if nothing even remotely unpleasant happened between us. How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that. It's weird. She's the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny Seinfeld he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man-flesh sandwich.

Rory: Eww.

Lorelai: [Reading postcard from Temple of Apollo] Let's see how her trip has been since her last card. 'Dear Lorelai, kicked a dog, then punched a gypsy in the groin.' Oh, that's nice.

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: 'Complained about the foie gras to a waiter whose yearly pay is less than what I spend monthly on silver polish, then kicked another dog.'

Michel: Sookie trusts no one else with the sauces. She makes the sauces.

Lorelai: Well, what does Mark make?

Michel: Salads.

Lorelai: Okay, and Donny does desserts. What do our other guys do?

Michel: Well, that man over there does the cleaning. That man over there dresses the plates. That man uses tongs, and I have no idea what that man in the corner does, but I would check his trunk before he leaves.

Lorelai: Without Sookie here, we have salads and desserts?

Michel: Pretty much.

Lorelai: We can't run a restaurant serving salads and desserts.

Michel: I would not go to eat, no.

Lorelai: Wait, okay here we have duck. Who here does the duck?

Michel: Nobody touches the ducks.

Lorelai: Well, starting now, someone has to touch the duck.

Michel: I do not know what to tell you, except it will not be me.

[After learning the kitchen cannot run without Sookie]

Lorelai: This is bad, Michel.

Michel: I'm getting that, yes.

Lorelai: Well, we'll just figure something out, right?

Michel: Absolutely. Ain't no mountain high enough.

Lorelai: We'll just formulate a plan, nail down a strategy. You have any ideas?

Michel: We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces-

Lorelai: No more suggestions necessary, Michel!

Michel: Well, I'm here if you need me.

Doyle: Paris, no offense to Nanny and her magic healing balm but when I came over here, I thought you would take care of me.

Rory: Last night I couldn't sleep last night so I google-d your father.

Logan: Excuse me?

Rory: 12,053 items came up. I could only pull up a couple thousand but it really helped. He was born in 1953. Episcopalian. Second of four children. Oldest boy. Yale undergrad. Star of the track team. No grad school. Interesting. Then he had a couple of lost years. A kind of blank period. A little Jesus thing going on there.

Lorelai: Now whats on the agenda for today. I hear there's a shipment of plutonium coming in on the docks. And I thought we could dress up as nuns and you could fake a stigmata and you could put the plutonium under your habit...