First NASCAR tells him not to race so hard against Chase drivers. Then Denny Hamlin says Keselowski isn’t man enough to have a face-to-face discussion regarding their little incident two weeks ago. This needs to get settled. Here are three ways to do it.

Cage Match

Think of the ratings of an MMA-inspired donnybrook. NASCAR fights usually stink, but this would be exciting. The sponsorship and charitable opportunities are through the roof. You could even do a reality show on SPEED leading up to the fight. This idea is so great that I’m going to leave and patent it right now. To keep you occupied, here’s our sister site that has cool MMA stuff, along with this picture of Kimbo Slice.

Drunken Triathlon

I’m back. Start with beer pong. NASCAR fans would clearly follow the action since most of them play it on race day, or race morning. Clearly both drivers would get their grievances properly enunciated with some adult hydration in their systems. Plus, it’s competition.

Move to pool. There’s not a better basement sport in the world for talking smack. Plus, the potential to use the sticks as weapons would keep people glued to the screen.

Close with a video game. A race with those guys sauced would be awesome. Have you seen the crash sequences?

Pillow Fight

These ladies are burning some stress. Why can’t it work for two angry, young men?

If only I could grow my hair like Don King to promote this epic event. Only in America. Only in NASCAR.