A friend said to me recently, Stop pretending everything's OK when it's not." And she is right.

Everything is not OK and it's OK to admit that.

It's really shocking how quickly depression can creep up on you and before you know it, bang you're sucked into the black hole and everything that goes with it.

I was afraid to admit something was wrong for many reasons. I didn't want to worry my Family or Friends. I felt I was letting people down in the Eating Disorders community, those I was trying to support. I felt a failure in myself as I always said I would never feel this way again.

I have had to put myself first and feel bad for disconnecting from the groups and forums I was involved in....but I need to keep myself safe. I have hidden any posts from my news feed from Facebook friends which may be weight/diet related as I currently feel unable to cope with seeing these. I have stopped posting on a blogging site as I was expected to comment on fellow bloggers posting, often these were also diet related.

I have no reason to feel the way I do, there are no triggers, no issues...I am confused.

My Doctor said it goes with the territory and I shouldn't beat myself up about it. I'm back on the happy pills and I go back to see her in 3 weeks.

I still advocate recovery from eating disorders, and I do believe I will get through this bit of a blip.

Little old me.

For someone who generally can't shut up talking writing about myself is posing quite difficult.
I started this Blog in 2010 when I began my journey through recovery from Anorexia. I have been as honest as I can without being triggering or posing a risk to myself or my readers. In the beginning my blog was a medium of putting down my thoughts during recovery and mapping each step forward or backward I made. Some of it will make you laugh others may cry. Now I see myself as not in recovery but fully recovered. I continue to write as I believe Eating Disorders in whatever form should not be hidden away, they should be given a voice and that voice can say 'I will beat this.'I have a passion inside me to spread the message that you are not on your own and recovery can be within reach.Thank you for reading, it is because of you I carry on. Please feel free to comment on any entries.