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[Disclaimer: while we are more than willing to present Ms. Harpy’s views on her constructed-worthiness, please keep in mind that she is a foul creature summoned into this world by a combination of blue and black mana, a color combination known for illusion, trickery, and deception. Remember, you can’t always believe everything you read.]

. You know, that card that you love to open in your Invasion-block sealed decks but that you leave abandoned and lonely in your crap-commons shoebox when constructed season rolls around. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to set the record straight. I appreciate all the respect you’ve given me in the limited formats, but it’s time the Magic-playing community realized the complete truth: I, Cavern Harpy

Like any young Magic card soon to be released, I was hopeful but nervous as the Planeshift Pre-Release approached. Would the players like me? Would they think my casting cost was fair? I hope my artwork’s not too flashy, or too plain. What would I do if nobody liked me? Would I be doomed to living out my days filling space in some test-deck with “Urza

’s Rage” written across my face in thick black marker? I didn’t think I could handle that. I HAD to make a good first impression – and that’s just what I did. When the Planeshift Pre-Release finally arrived, I was a big hit! Players were happily putting me on their decklists, and I was performing all my best tricks for them: bouncing critters with comes-into-play effects, blocking Legendary Dragons and returning to tell the tale. I was a superstar! My Magic future was so bright, I had to wear shades.

Then the official Planeshift release came, and for some reason, nobody put me into their constructed decks right away. Well, ok, I was the 127th card in little Billy’s “Every Blue and Black Flyer That I Ow

? Don’t you people remember what I did for your sealed and draft decks?!?!

I tried to remain positive, but this kind of attention-deficit can really work on a gal’s feelings of self-worth. I mean, sure, I had thought I would be a great card for constructed, but if that were true, why wasn’t anybody playing with me? Surely, if I were a real constructed card, there would have already been a 12-part “My Harpies” article by Zvi Mowshowitz on the Sideboard – not to mention that Michelle Bush hadn’t even *tried* to use me to combo someone out by the 4th turn in extended. By the time Apocalypse

” across my face just so I could get a few shuffles in before I ended my pitiful existence in the bottom of some trash can.

Then, one day, something amazing happened. I lay skulking in the depths of the crap-common box, not having seen the light of the outside world for what seemed an eternity, when suddenly, I beheld a great, blinding light! Was this the end – had the Invasion block finally rotated out of constructed play? Had I died, and was now witnessing the glorious shining gates of Heaven? Certainly, a pathetic, non-constructed-worthy card such as myself would not be allowed to pass through those pearly gates. I imagined Ernham Djinns and Savannah Lions

But the light I witnessed was not the shining gates of Heaven. It was the simple, beautiful light of the world outside of my dusty little shoebox! As it turned out, a scrub deckbuilder from Kalamazoo, Michigan was looking for a good way to abuse Mystic Snake

in Invasion Block Constructed. I was going to be a part of something! As I lay on the table, I looked all around me at the constructed-worthy cards being gathered up for this exciting new decklist. There were cards like Gaea’s Skyfolk, and Spite Malice

”, but never descending upon my face. Finally, the deckbuilder put his proxy-pen down, and began inserting his deck into dirty old worn-out deck sleeves. I thought, “Wait a minute, you haven’t written anything on me yet. What am I going to be? Aren’t you going to use me as a proxy in your amazing new deck?”