Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A lie is a lie is a lie. Temporary truths are those little white lies that males use to buffer what they know will lead to an awkward situation and an uncomfortably judgemental conversation with their female companion. They know that if they divulge the entire truth, it may compromise their chances of getting some. Especially if they are on the right path.

This one guy I dated a while back was the King of temporary truths. What he didn’t realize was that ultimately the complete truth would come to light. I feel like guys think it’s okay to tell these types of truths because they’re technically true… well, depending on what day of the week you ask.

I have my own place.

Temporary independence is not gonna work. I had a guy tell me once that since he was having problems with his roommate, and was gonna have to move in and sleep on his homeboys couch.

I just lost my job.

Liar, you lost your job 2 years ago. Way before the recession hit.

I don’t have any kids.

Now this is technically true since your ex girlfriend is 6 months pregnant and has yet to give birth to your little girl.

I haven’t had sex in a while.

His excuse after arriving way before you were even close. You realize after the fourth disappointing performance, that the reason he hasn’t had sex in a while, is because he’s a selfish one minute man.

Understand this, little white lies or temporary truths are still lies. Keep it 100 and we should be fine.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

At first I was really excited to write about my date Sunday. I was more excited about blogging about it, then actually going on it. Which was problem number one. Problem number two, the guy and I had nothing in common. I mean absolutely nothing. I walked away from it feeling, well nothing. The details of the date aren’t that important but I’ll give you a brief summary.

Originally our date was supposed to be just the two of us. You know a normal date with just two people. A date which happened to be on his birthday. It wasn’t until later he asked if he could change it into a group dinner. I couldn’t fathom saying no, so I agreed. I brought Grace along so I wouldn’t be alone on this escapade.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t a nice guy because he did his best to make myself and Grace feel comfortable. He told us we could order whatever we wanted and that it was on him. But between his lack of working car, a career (or at least path) at almost 30, a home of his own and his addiction, yes I said addiction, to smoking weed, I just couldn’t conceive going on a date two. Grace tried to convince me to give him another chance, but going on a second date with me, isn’t going to change those things. His laid back personality had trickled into other parts of his life and I can’t stick around for that ride.

Since I learned all this on the first “date” I was through. This to me was another failed hookup. Am I being too harsh? Should I go on a second date? It’s not like he didn’t have good qualities. He was cute, very genuine and welcoming and I caught him blessing his food. All brownie point worthy, right?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Recently, a man from my past has decided he wants to revisit our “relationship” but is half stepping in his approach. Since I don’t believe in going above and beyond when the other party is slacking, I had to make it clear what was and wasn’t going to happen between us at this point.

After hanging out a couple of times, I could tell he wasn’t getting the hint that I wasn’t going “there” with him this early even though we had been “there” several times before. So when he invited himself over to come over and watch a movie with me, I made no effort to be attractive. He came in to find me in my most comfortable (and unflattering) pajamas, un-matching socks and my hair wrapped in my purple bonnet.

Sidenote: Even when I am comfortable with a guy, I don’t pull out the bonnet until its time to sleep. The Aunt Jemima look is not exactly my idea of setting the mood. If I plan on engaging in physical activities, I’ll make sure to have my silk pillow ready to protect my uncovered coif. If the guy really puts in work and makes me forget all about my hair, it won't matter that I sweated out my fresh do and have to wear a pony tail for 2 weeks. As long as the defilement of my fresh hair was worth it, this black girl can rest easy knowing hat her locks were a casualty of satisfying pleasure.

The PJs and bonnet didn’t slow down his advances, so I bluntly told him that nothing was popping off between us so he should slow down and watch the movie. It’s funny to me because I thought he would have picked up on the, ‘you aint getting any’ clues. Guys, if you want to know if a girl is ready or wants to go there when you visit her at her home for a movie night, pay close attention to her verbal and her non verbal cues. If she does at least 2 out of the following 5, she is probably waiting for you to make your move. (The rules only apply if you have already moved passed 2nd and/or 3rd base and aren't sure if you're being waved into homeplate.)

1. She invites YOU over for movie and snacks. Aint no woman willingly going to introduce the idea of missing a free meal unless she has other intentions. Obviously she wants to do things with you, you can’t do in a restaurant.

2. If she’s wearing spandex or tights when you come over, skip the movie and head straight to third base. She’s showing off her silhouette so you can imagine what she looks like undressed.

3. She makes sure you know that her roommate isn’t coming home tonight. Since this may be the first time, she needs to test how loud she can get, without worrying if her roommate is being noisy and listening in.

4. If she’s wearing any hint of make-up it means she wants to look refreshed and polished for you to even though ya’ll aint leaving the house.

5. She’s playing music, candles are lit, and the lights are off. Do I really need to tell you, you aren’t watching the whole movie tonight? If any of the three mood setters are already in motion when you arrive, I hope you brought protection cuz its goin’ down. Even Stevie Wonder would be checking his pockets for Magnums.

So when the opportunity to "hang out" with your lady friend arises, look out for these clues and you can save you both the anxiety: Her from wondering when you’re gonna make a move and you from stressing about whether or not she wants you to. You can thank me later.

Friday, October 9, 2009

CONFESSION: I am playing with fire and hoping not to get burned. I met a man. From what I've learned so far he's just my type. A little dorky but with style, smart but not pretentious, and cute but not a pretty boy.

Sounds like I should be excited right, wrong. This guy has obliterated my #1 deal breaker. Nothing has happened between us but I am not helping the situation by flirting. Without heels, I am at least a few inches taller than him. I think. I won't let myself see him in person again because it is so much easier to pretend the height difference doesn't exist versus attacking it head on.

We send each other friendly texts throughout the day. I know I should stop now before it goes any further. But a part of me wants to see what's gonna happen. The other part of me doesn't want to use him in my self inflicted experiment. I would feel horrible if I hurt anyone in the process of finding out about myself. What kind of person dates someone to test their own values?

I keep changing the subject when he asks to see me again. What should I do?

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A guy I’ve been seeing off and on for the past year (more off than on) sent me the ‘Hi Stranger’ message. Against my better judgment I replied. Immediately changing the subject to more current subject like “How was your day?” After a few short exchanges, he replied with, “You know you owe me a visit.”

Do you want to guess how I replied?

If you’ve been paying attention to my posts, you know I didn’t.

If you ever get the urge to send this to an ex female companion, DON’T. An out of the blue message, or phone call (I don’t think I’ve stressed the importance of a voice conversation enough) should be original. Those two words should not be put together in an openining message; especially when you know why you two no longer speak. The reason it’s such a bad idea is because it has a slight hint of finger pointing. The person sending the message has obviously been thinking about the receiver and instead of just stating that, they question why they have been M.I.A.

Since you obviously plan on rekindling an old flame, know that isn’t going to happen if your opening line is about as original as a Diddy LP.

Introducing the remix. The following are messages that I have received, that made me think, “Whatever happened between us, maybe I should call him back.”

“If you’re not too busy, I’d love to take you out and catch up.” –You’ve already shown that you are not just trying to get in my pants, but that you genuinely want to talk and hear what I have to say. Even if you plan on trying to hit the next time, it’s tolerable since you have fed me. It's a win win.

“How are you doing these days? How is your sister?” –Any reference to my family is both heart warming and shows you didn't confuse me with another girl you used to hang out with that was an only child. It also shows that this is not a mass text message. You know how I have a detective eye for those.

“Are you free tonight? I have a ticket to a Lakers game.” –I’m dropping everything now to pick YOU up. Not only do you remember that I love sports (or whatever activity she may like) but you took the initiative to set up an outing I’d most definitely enjoy.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Recently I was lucky enough to attend the Goapele concert at LA Live. I must say that this woman is a beautiful performer who let her kind spirit shine through her performance. Even with the constant adoration of the nights MC, Goapele seemed unfazed about the well deserved compliments she received before she hit the stage. During her set I stood as far to the front of the pack as I could. Although I felt like I was standing in a sauna in the dully lit and unventilated pit, I didn’t miss a word when singing her songs.

Earlier in the night I noticed a fair skinned, slim, gentleman in a striped sweater who must have been at least 6 ‘4” standing near the bar having a drink with his friends. When I walked pass his group, all heads turned my way. The attention was well appreciated but I wasn’t checking for any of them. I smiled as I walked by and mouthed the words ‘Hi,” in their direction. I made no distinction in regards to who my gesture was intended for. At that point it wasn’t intended for anyone. I mean Mr. Stripes was cute but he didn’t seem like my type.

After Goapele’s set was over, I positioned myself back at the bar near the balcony with my girl Carerra for the remainder of the evening. While we chatted about the lack for potential flirting and our plans for following day, I noticed that mister stripes was looking my way. I smiled his way and continued my conversation with Carerra. I figured if he wanted to say something, he would come over. A few moments later I noticed a girl standing next to him. I’m not sure when she arrived, but she didn’t leave his side for the remainder of the night. I couldn’t tell if he already knew her or if they had just met. As the night continued, we continued to lock eyes across the bar.

At one point he left his companions side and came my way. He walked from one side of the bar towards me, I looked away and before I knew it he was outside. The weird thing is he came right back inside through the opposite doors.

Was he waiting for me to look at him again?

I wasn’t sure what was going on so I didn’t move. Plus I have a habit of freezing up and turning away when I notice a cute guy coming my way.

Mr. Stripes made his way back inside and to his pack. I didn’t know what was going on. There was no apparent reason for him to have gone outside, since he didn’t even stop to speak to anyone. I concluded that he was waiting on me to say something, which I didn’t.

For the next hour I waited for his female companion to leave his side so I could make my move. I mean, if he had just met her that night, then he is fair game. She never left his side and my eyes never left his direction. It was kind of thrilling to occasionally catch his eye when she wasn’t looking. Hell, he was looking my way even when she was.

After the concert was over, I caught one more glimpse of the fine specimen that was Mr. Stripes and left the theater.

The evening made me think about the old saying, you don’t want something til you can’t have it. I’m sure I could have made a move earlier in the evening, but I didn’t want him til I knew I he couldn’t be mine.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Once men have been let in to the place where you dwell and have gone “there” with you, they don’t think it’s important to do all those things they did to grab your attention. There is someone, who at this point will remain nameless because I still like him, who has been coming around again.

My only issue with this rekindling is he is either he is half stepping or he just wants to be friends. Either way, I am confused as to what he wants. His infrequent messages about hanging out are no longer appealing to me.

If you want to be just friends, then say that. If you want more than say that too.

This year I will no longer be left in the dark when it comes to what a man wants from me. If you want this to go somewhere, tell me now. If not, thats cool too. I’m okay with being just friends. But if you want more, don’t think you don’t have to start from the beginning. I don’t “kick it,” “hang out,” etc if we are dating. If we are friends, spending a Sunday watching football is lovely.

Remember, if you root against my team when we are watching the game, I will raise hell. You have been warned.

About Me

I am young black woman in a large city trying to define myself and future. I choose to have an opinion about everything...you should too! I like having an opinion and sharing it with the world. I also choose to stand for something and making changes where I see necessary. I am full of flaws and promise that I will make several mistakes as I grow and define who I am.

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Love Live Laugh

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Choose your words, for they become actions. Understand your actions, for they become habits. Study your habits, for they become your character. Develop your character, for it becomes your destiny."

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'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'