Monday, 30 May 2016

The Brontë Sisters Come To Modern Haworth

The Brontës and I have so much in common. We all grew up in Brontë country, although when they were growing up it was just called Haworth and the surrounding area. We are all women. We are all sisters, although admittedly they were sisters to each other and I am a sister to entirely unrelated people 200 years later. We are all writers, them of ground-breaking literature, me of a blog post about a dolphin winning the Chelsea Flower Show. I know this isn’t a long list. But I figure since we are the same in all ways that matter, it’s enough for me to know exactly what the Brontë sisters would think about everything in modern Haworth.

'Where were you 200 years ago when I needed you?' Cried Charlotte.

Brontë Taxis:

I recently got stranded in Manchester, when the last train was cancelled. This is a problem because I don’t have Uber and Brontë Taxis is the only taxi number I know. But would you believe they came all the way to Manchester to pick me up? Obviously you believe that, they are a taxi company who were charging me money, it would be weird if they said no. The point I am trying to make is: the Brontë sisters would have gone bananas for Brontë taxis. Especially considering the fuss every Brontëbiography I’ve ever read has made them moving to Haworth from Thornton. You can literally see parts of Haworth from Thornton, I guarantee you could get there in a taxi for under a tenner.

It's hard to draw steampunk Emily without her just looking like regular Emily.I think this says more about her steampunk credentials than my ability to draw cogs.

Haworth Steam Punk Weekend:

Okay, let’s collectively take a second to imagine that Bertha Rochester didn’t set fire to Thornfield, but instead destroyed it using a steam-powered ray gun. Obviously the Brontë sisters would have been all over the Steam Punk Weekend, it’s the Gothic Romance Weekend of our era.

The Brontë Balti:

When I wrote about Haworth for a uni assignment my tutor thought that I made the Brontë Balti up. But it’s totally real and if you are going to order from there I’d recommend Brontë Naga Balti. I wouldn’t recommend that for the sisters though, because everything I’ve read about them says they only liked plain food. So I guess they’d get a korma if they were getting anything at all. To be honest I’m not sure if the Brontë Balti would be the sisters’ scene. I imagine Branwell would go mad for it though. We all know that a curry is the perfect end to a hard night of drinking.

Anne Brontë rides again.

Brontë Vintage Vehicle Weekend:

Admittedly the vehicles of this weekend didn’t exist until ages after the sisters were alive, so they may find the vintage tag a little confusing. I still reckon Anne would at least have been into it. This weekend is mostly about tractors and she did make a farmer the romantic lead in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall Imagine how much more time for romance Gilbert Markham would have had in a world of mechanised farm equipment.