A belly full of thanks

Being a preteen was hard enough with the awkwardness of puberty. But, I felt especially insecure that I was not only taller than the rest of my classmates, but chubbier, too. I was overweight mostly because of my obsession with food. Throughout much of high school, I lost a healthy amount of weight by changing my lifestyle, eating nourishing foods and occasionally exercising.

However, I suddenly gained 20 pounds during my senior year of high school when I started living solely off of bread and cheese, which was honestly worth the weight gain. I knew that it was time to live healthier and look like my old self.

Freshman year of college, I was determined to lose the 15 pounds that I had gained my senior year of high school. Especially after becoming a vegetarian, the weight seemed to come off easily, and I was finally at my goal weight of 120 pounds. However, I was still unsatisfied with my appearance; I began controlling not only what I ate but also how much I ate.

Initially, the number on the scale dwindled down significantly as I cut down how much I ate. However, my naivete backfired since I soon began to gain weight; my body screamed against me for starving it from the magic that is food.

NUSHI MAZUMDAR/THE REVIEW “Oblivious to the harm I was inflicting upon my body, I continued to starve myself, which made me miserable and cranky constantly.”

Oblivious to the harm I was inflicting upon my body, I continued to starve myself, which made me miserable and cranky constantly. However, I learned it’s hard to hide secrets, especially on Thanksgiving.

Unable to stuff down my starvation, and being extremely aware of the potent aroma of food pervading throughout the house, I could no longer hold in my hunger; I let loose my anxiety and stress regarding food on the wide array of it available on the table. No dish was safe as I plowed my way through the cranberry sauce, stuffing and, especially, the pie.

I used to be a big eater when I was a child, so no one was really surprised when an endless barrage of food entered my mouth that night. But, finally, the constant hunger subsided, and I felt satiated and content, possibly a bit too much.

That moment I started to realize the downward spiral I was heading down. I began to eat more, but with stress from schoolwork and occasionally skipping meals by mistake, I soon weighed 87 pounds at 5 feet 7 inches tall. Last year seemed like an endless battle that I could not seem to win.

This year, rather than focusing on losing weight, I opted to maintain a healthy and constant weight instead of travelling along the rollercoaster of weight fluctuations I had suffered throughout my life. By carrying snacks and eating at least three meals a day, I started to overcome my eating struggles. This Thanksgiving, I finally feel grateful for staying healthy and hope others can overcome their own eating disorders this holiday season.

The Review is the independent student newspaper of the University of Delaware. The newspaper, entirely produced by students, maintains editorial independence from the university. The Review's offices are located in the West Annex of the Perkins Student Center.