I'm growing super powers (& losing other things)

Full Steam Ahead!

Phew! We got back from the Idaho trip and I pretty much have whiplash with how quickly the rest of the month hustled by! I was feeling a lot of pressure to get miles in for Guinevere with the half marathon coming on August 27th, so we really trained hard in the interim between reunion and Disneyland. I decided that the ten miles per day walking through Disneyland could count as our taper. Lol. We managed to train up to 11.5, so that felt like a pretty solid dent in our plan. Our first 13.1 will have to be at the actual Iron Horse Half Marathon on Sunday!

My goal for training hasn’t been speed at all. It’s all about the distance, so this time I’ve been training with a little walking in between. Because we trained up so fast, I wanted to make sure and build in some rest points so my body has some recovery. Just because I can run 13 miles doesn’t mean I can do it without a consequence from not training well enough.

With August’s hot sun and brown grass also came my return to the classroom. We had to rally, this year, in order to get a contract that is more balanced than our previous one. I know I intimated how challenging my class was last year, but I don’t think even I realized how much of an impact it made on me. I tried to step back in during the first week in August, just to get the lay of the land and wrap my mind around the job in front of me, but I ended up having a full blown anxiety attack and had to turn the car around to come back home. That was tough, to realize how bogged down I still am by that impactive year. At the rally, Bradley spoke to the school board about how much of an impact my unique class had on my family and me, much less the students in my room. He pleaded to the board for more resources, more time and more support for the at risk kids who we serve every day and for his at risk wife who is quickly becoming a burnout statistic. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. We will find out next week what our contract holds.

We’ve been told we should be able to agree fairly happily with our contract, but just in case I went to my doctor and am now on the path of medication to help control my anxiety. I avoided it for as long as possible, using food, exercise and meditation, but I can’t have a repeat of what happened in my car once the school year starts. My doctor first suggested I take some time off, but that’s just not my reality, so it’s meds for me. So far it’s been effective and very helpful. All of the major anxious moments that I anticipate seem to be placated and I’m not worrying overly much. I still have anxiety, but for what time of year it is, I’m alarmingly calm and collected. I’ll use this crutch for now and hopefully will exit the medication zone next spring after my brain develops some better habits. For now, though, it’s helping and I’m happy about that. Hard to talk about, but it’s my new reality.

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2 Comments

When I read the part of your anxiety attack upon entering a mind frame of heading back made me feel sad and angry. No teacher should ever feel this feeling. No administration, state or federal government entity should create a situation that allows teachers to get to that point. I am glad to hear, despite the frustration of feeling like it is a crutch, that you have found something to help you. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.

You are rocking the running! What a great pace for that 11+ miler. I am sorry to read of your anxiety. My cousin was a high school English teacher & sadly she struggled with this profession. I have had to stop watching so much news. It was stressing me too much. I am now focusing on what is right with the world not the wrong. Hopefully people will stop yelling over each other & start listening to one another instead. I am determined to be part of the change. Glad the meds are working. Hopefully you will get a less stressful class this year.