I'm moonlighting as someones else's bitch...

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About Me

I am a stay at home mom to 4 kids, 14,10,8,& 4. I am a bit high strung and not proud of it. I like things to be clean. I yell a lot. I am a sort of jack of all trades, master of none. I am honest, don't like getting old, wish I was cooler than I am. I am sucker for celebrity gossip, good raunchy jokes and overpriced skin care.

Therapy Disclaimer

I am a reluctant stay at home mom nearing the end of my term. I am a recovering "Suzy Homemaker". I curse. I say what's on my mind. I hope that I say things that other people are thinking, just don't have the guts to say. I hope to make people laugh at or with me. I hope not to offend too many people, but know there have been a few and am quite certain there will be several more.

So, if you are looking for a dysfunctional view on mothering, being a woman , and life- you may not be disappointed here. If you are still Suzy Homemaker and think that everyone should be, I might just make you want to vomit.

So, today's the big day. The day I come clean. The day I take responsibility for all of that emotional eating because I can't afford a new wardrobe.

I hope anyone else that wants to get healthy or lose weight will join me in this journey and document their progress, as well... just grab the code on the sidebar and sign in with the Mr. Linky below. Please send encouraging comments to each participant you see!

Week 1I started last Monday when even my comfortable fleece jammie pants were becoming snug and I stepped on the scale and was devastated to see the unpleasant number staring back at me through the cracked plexi-glass in my grimy antiquated Sunbeam scale, that, unfortunately, still works!!!

I have been neglecting myself in more ways than one, as you can see by the chipped, unkempt toes and the depleted, dry winter skin around my ankles. But this, my friends, is an experiment in accountability -and the truth, much like my unpedicuredFlintstone feet, ain't pretty!

Truth be told, I've never been much of a 'numbers' gal when it came to weight. The number on the scale never means much to me as long as the buttons don't pop off!

Well, the buttons started flying across the room and poking people in the eye. I couldn't find a button-down shirt to cover my huge fatty boobs without the threads hanging on for dear life making every shirt a peek-a-boo show into the annals of my distended abdomen branded by 4 embryos' growth. I began to understand the physics behind 'the plumbers' crack' and thought about applying for a trade school after perfecting the wiggle and shift to pull up my pants- 30 times a day!

Depressing? You bet your ass it is. So much so, that I grabbed for another handful of chocolate covered pretzels! The vicious cycle reared its ugly head again.

As soon as the euphoria caused by beautifully silky dark chocolate started wearing off, I could feel the fat. I was becoming winded and uncomfortable in my stretched and dehydrated skin. I became curious... I decided to get concrete confirmation of the predicament that my sweet tooth, boredom, and stress had landed me in. Cue the dingy scale...

150 lbs. on the nose!

To give you an understanding of where I am, I am 5'4" and have a small frame. No matter how heavy I get, I will always have skinny chicken legs and a freakishly small head, it runs in the family. So most of those L B's are carried in my torso, much like a Sumo wrestler.

I weighed no more than 138 lbs. moments before popping each write-off out of my loins. I had gestational diabetes with each pregnancy and was on insulin and under extreme diet restrictions. As soon as the placenta came out, I made a mad dash for the buffet! I also nursed #2,3,and 4. Nursing made me ravenous. I couldn't get enough to eat and will admit to licking crumbs and hot fudge off of nursing babys' heads on more than one occasion. If nursing did, indeed, 'shrink and contract' (cough*bullshit*cough) my uterus back to normal size, it kept the shrinking a secret from the rest of my body. 150lbs is the heaviest I have been. After 13 months of being an engorged leche geyser that insatiably gorged on all things digestible, I weighed the same as I weigh now- 3 years later!

So, it's been a week. The first step is always the hardest, right? I went to the gym 3 times and have been trying to make better food choices. I resisted fresh hot chocolate chip cookies (that my amazingly supportive husband baked!) and dove into a bowl of Whole Grain Cheerios instead and consider that a victory. Cheerios are surprisingly delicious and satisfying when you're going through pastry withdrawals. I'm taking it slow because I don't want to run out of steam and fall off the wagon. I'm drinking a lot of water and hoping that I will resist further temptation because I'm too busy emptying my bladder.

I still had to wear my old lady fat pants to church this morning and I could feel my roly poly back fat on display for the people seated in the pew behind me. I still have a way to go, but this step on the scale is a step in the right direction...

48 comments:

3 lbs. lost is a fantastic start. Good for you. I wanted to add that although Cinn. Toast Crunch is not HEALTH food, it is great for a treat. A 140 clalorie treat. It has some sort of fired donut after taste that is VERY satisfying. Your Cherrio's talk reminded me how eating cereal while on a diet takes on a whole new meaning...mega treat.

3lbs in a week is quite the start. I agree cereal is a great "treat" substitute. I eat cereal instead of dessert a lot of nights and I think it helps give me a little bit of that sweet carb-i-ness I am craving without all of the fat and calories. Keep up the hard work, I'll be cheering for you.

Im doing the same thing and surprisingly we weighed about the same , Im only 5'3, I lost 4 LBS the first week and now for the next 2 weeks nothing! Not to discourage you, everyone loses at a different rate! Good luck.

I'm planning to join in, but it's not going to be a gung ho thing on my end - I'm pregnant so I can't really do the gung ho thing - my goal is to not gain crazy weight with this pregnancy, and to finish losing the weight I've already gained after giving birth.

loved the interview of at Annie's blog. Keep the F bombs coming! I love them!As for this weight loss thing. I really need to jump on the band wagon....maybe next week. I have tons of excuses and none of them are any good.....so I'll just shut up now.

You bitch! 150 is the thinniest I have ever been in my life. And that would be back in 8th grade. It wouldn't be bad if i was like 6'3 but I'm only 5'8. And there's no way in hell I'm telling my weight. That's why I only have head shots on my blog. Keep up the good work though so I can hate you even more =)

Oh this I LOVE - I need this!! My biggest problem is that my husband REFUSES to watch the children if I want to go work out. I will not put my kids in those babysitting rooms . . . so I can't exercise in a group - it is all up to me to do it at home by myself in front of the tv. I try sometimes but get bored very quickly! I if do sit ups - I usually have one or two children sitting on top of me in 12 second flat!

Well, just started dieting again yesterday...need to lose a ton, literally. Found this on ttrain wrecks site, thought what the hey. why not. But I am not putting muy weight on here. way too embarrassing. thanks though.

Way to go! I am not participating per say but I also lost 3 lbs this week. I did it by giving up wine (that sound you just heard was my heart breaking) and beer for the month of February. I am trying to lose my 'baby fat' - I thought it was time since my daughter will be 2 in May. With you 100% on the nursing farce - lose weight my ass. Also agree with the Cherrio's - cereal in general can feel like a treat. And I understand how hard it is to be the only one in your house dieting. Keep up the good work!

What a great start!! I totally know what you mean about not really paying attention to the scale. I used to be like that but I think that is how I got into trouble. I think the scale is totally necessary to hold you accountable.

Holy crap, you are hilarious. I've gained 10 pounds in a year after losing 43 after having my son. YES 4-freakin-3. The fact that I am ten heavier two years after his birth, compared to a year after his birth is just ridiculous. I too blame blogging -- I mean, eating whatever I want and barely touching the treadmill hasn't helped either. I started working out again a couple weeks ago and it has felt SO good. I am going to blog about it soon and will link to you. :)