Family Mental Illness - Coping

Experience and Coping Strategies of Living with Mental Illness

"The mental illness of a family member is an unexpected event that
disrupts the usual sense of continuity an rhythm in the lifecycle
with a profound impact on young family members". (Marsh & Dickens,
1997, p.51)

distancing of neighbors & family members due to a lack of
understanding of mental illness

avoidance of friends due to an unstable home environment

Quite often youth experience Parentification -- that is a role
reversal. Often one or more children in the family assume an adult
role & take over household responsibilities as well as caretaking
of other siblings due to the unavailability of a parent or
inability of a parent to perform necessary household and
caretaking tasks. Usually the parent and child lack bonding
experiences which can result in impaired social experiences.

When a psychotic outbreak, episode or suicide attempt occurs
there is an increased reliance and dependence of the ill family
member on the rest of the members. Quite often the ill member is
in denial of the outbreak and usually experiences confusion, anger
and despair. The ill member needs a safe place, food and lots of
rest. Meanwhile.....

The rest of the family members are left in a state of shock,
crisis and chaos while left to care for the needs of the ill
family member. Usually everyone attempts to normalize the
experience and to compensate for the disruptive force of the
mental illness. The ill member is unaware of the family's unmet
needs of the parent's), or children. The spouse is often tending
to the ill member, hence children's needs are forgotten.

The social and emotional impact of Mental Illness includes:

shame, due to stigma and secrecy of the mental illness

feeling as if your 'head is in the sand'

frequent state of crisis, chaos, shock & denial

hoping against hope that an additional crisis will not occur
& the ill member will be healed

disillusionment, confusion & feelings of hopelessness

loss of an adult role model (if it is mentally ill parent)

anger, guilt, frustration or resentment due to unmet needs
and the inability to help the ill family member

perpetual loss

empathetic pain for other family members

feelings of isolation and loneliness

shattered trust

often and unclear sense of reality

low self-concept

unmet needs

Coping Strategies:

Do not do anything harmful to yourself

Establish and set goals for yourself

Find healthy avenues of escape, to divert or distract
yourself such as: reading, jogging, sports, visit friends or
becoming involved in activities outside the home

About The Author
Pauline Fitzgerald has been involved in counselling for
twenty years; first as a paraprofessional, on crisis lines,
peer counselling at university and as a volunteer in many
organizations. For the past ten years she has worked in
education, offering knowledge, compassion and caring to
teens, children, families and staff. In 1999 Pauline began
working as a counsellor at both high schools and elementary
schools. Here she offered her support to children, teens,
teachers and parents. Her honest, compassionate, accepting,
caring demeanor, accompanied by a keen sense of humour
endear her to youth and adults alike.