Who Is It For?

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Historically, was a marriage based on love?

no

2

What are the 4 dimensions on which love has varied through time?

Clutural value: is love a desireable or undesirable state? Sexuality: should love be sexual?Sexual Orientation: Should love involved heterosexual or same-sex partners?Marital Status: should we love our spouses, or is love reserved for others?

3

Why is it that the idea of marrying for love is strongest in North America?

IndividualismEconomic prosperity (allowing young adults to live by themselves)Lack of a ruling class or caste system

4

Sternberg's 3 building blocks for love

1. Intimacy 2. Passion 3. Commitment

5

Sternberg's Intimacy =

Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support and sharing that often characterizes loving relationships

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Sternberg's Passion =

Physical arousal and desire, excitements and need. >>Often take the form of sexual longing, but it can be any strong emotional need that is satisfied by one's partner

7

Sternberg's Commitment =

Feelings of permanence, stability, and the decision to devote oneself to a relationship and work to maintain it

8

Commitment is mostly ______ in nature, whereas passion and intimacy are _______

CognitiveDrives or motives

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Non-love

None of passion, intimacy or commitment

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Liking

High intimacy Low passion and commitment

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Infatuation

Strong passion No intimacy or commitment

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Empty love

High commitment No intimacy or passion

13

Romantic love

High intimacy and passion

14

Companionate love

High intimacy and commitment No passion

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Fatuous love

High passion and commitment No intimacy

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Consummate love

High passion, intimacy and commitment

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Which component of Sternberg's love varies the most

passion

18

Parts of the brain activated by sexual desire, attachment and attraction

Two-Factor theory of attraction has 2 components

1) Physiological arousal such as an increased heart rate 2) The belief that another person is the cause of your arousal

20

Does the type of arousal matter for increased attraction?

No, it can be positive or negative

21

What does research say about the phrase "Love is blind"

There is evidence for it, people underestimate or ignore their lover's faults and hold idealized versions of them

22

What are 2 findings of the change in self-concept at the beginning of a new relationship

Self-concept becomes more diverse and self-esteem increases

23

Long lasting marriages seem to include a lot of _____ love

Companionship

24

More compassionate love is related to more ______

relationship satisfaction

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Compassionate love is rooted in more ______ understandings of our partner's strengths and weaknesses

Accurate> Recognize deficiencies but love them anyway

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Eros:

has a strong physical component, heavily influences by appearance

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Ludus:

Lack of commitment, often multiple partners at once

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Storge:

Prefers friendship that gradually grows into lasting commitments

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Mania:

Demanding, possessive and excitable

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Agape:

Love is altruistic and dutiful

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Pragma:

Practical, careful, and logical in seeking a mate

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People with a secure attachment style experience and express better:

- Intimacy - Passion - Commitment - Compassionate love

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What is a big difference in the way that older people related to their partners

- More cheer- Less arousal - Less intense emotions but overall more positive

34

Are men and women more similar or different when it comes to love?

More similar

35

Which of the three aspects of love is more highly associated with men and with women

Men are highly associated with passion Women are more highly associated with commitment

36

Romantic love typically ____ after people marry

Decreases

37

Passion fades over time, this is associated with the decrease in what (3) of long term relationships

The fantasy, arousal, and novelty of a new relationship

38

Even though passion declines with time, what part of love increases

Intimacy and commitment

39

What is a strategy to keep the love alive in a long-term relationship

Engage in novel activities together

40

When are we generally accepting of pre-marital sex?

When it is in the context of a committed relationship

41

Do people prefer "hooking up" or being in a relationship

relationship

42

In terms of sex, how do men and women differ in what they regret?

Women tend to regret the things they did do Men tend to regret the thing they didn't do

43

What are 2 reasons people have less negative attitudes towards same-sex couples

1. Gays and lesbians are much more visible to the public2. We understand homosexuality much better now

44

What is a main factor of why people believe that we should be accepting of homosexuality vs not?

Accepting: believe it is biological Don't Accept: believe it is a choice

45

Men and women are both just as likely to have sex for emotional reasons. Which gender is more likely to have sex for physical, pragmatic and insecurity reasons?

Males

46

What is the prevalence of infidelity?

21% of women 32% of men

47

What is the motivation for cheating for men and women?

Men want sex Women want an emotional connection

48

What demographic cheats the most?

Gay men

49

According to the sociosexuality model, who has a more unrestrictive orientation and is more likely to flirt.

Men

50

Can people guess who is sexually restrictive vs unrestrictive just by looking at them?

Yes

51

What facial characteristics suggest men and women are sexually unrestricted

More masculine and attractive face

52

Do people want to have a relationship with sexually unrestrictive people?

Not a long-term relationship

53

The good-gene hypothesis for the explanation for why women cheat

Some women - particularly those with less desirable mates - can profit from a dual mating strategy where they a) pursue long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while b) also seeking good genes for their children with other men

54

Are men or women more likely to switch mates as a result of an affair?

Women

55

Why is there such a large proportion of people who have unprotected sex? (7)

- Underestimate the risk of getting an STI (many do not even ask)- Faulty decision making - men are much worse at making decisions when sexually aroused - Intoxication - People think that it is more accepted by others than it actually is- Differences in power - Abstinence-only education - Sex is more enjoyable without condoms

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Illusion of Unique Invulnerability

perception that bad things are more likely to happen to others than ourselves

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Pluralistic Ignorance

When people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from those of others

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Does more satisfying sex come from monogamy or multiple partners?

Monogamy

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Sex is most rewarding when it fulfills what needs? (3)

1. Autonomy 2. Competence 3. Relatedness

60

How do traditional gender roles affect sexual satisfaction

Decrease it

61

Clear _______ about sex is associated with greater satisfaction

Communication

62

Relational value:

the degree to which others consider the relationship with us to be valuable

63

When is exclusion most painful?

When we wanted to be included by others

64

Is there a difference in the hurt feelings experienced when people don't care about us vs are actively avoiding us?

Not really, it seems that our momentary judgment of our self-worth bottom out when people reject us to any extent

65

Is there a significant boost in self-esteem from being very well liked to being adored?

not really

66

What perception of relation value are we most sensitive to?

Ranging from ambivalence to the low end of active inclusion

67

Decreasing acceptance hurts ____ than just constant rejection

more

68

What attachment styles experience the most hurt with relational devaluation (decreased acceptance)

high anxious

69

What attachment style experiences the least pain with the relational devaluation

Avoidant

70

People with _____ self-esteem get hurt less when rejected

high

71

When we are being ostracized what is our perception of temperature

We think rooms are colder and we prefer warm food and drink

72

What happens to time perception when being ostracized?

Feel that it is slower

73

Those who ostracise others are just as likely to ____ and ____ them as to shame and instruct them

frustrate and anger

74

reactive jealousy an be caused by what types of events

past, present or near future events

75

Do men and women differ in their jealous tendencies in general

No

76

Dependance and jealousy

People who have more dependence (low quality of alternatives) are more prone to jealousy

77

Jealousy increases with feelings of ______ in a relationship.

This is related to a person's ____

inadequacy

Self-esteem

78

Which attachment style experiences the most jealousy

preoccupied

79

People high in what personality trait are prone to jealousy

neuroticism

80

What type of mate rivals cause us to be more upset

Friends (vs strangers)If the person has more to offer

81

Are men or women better at detecting sexual infidelity in their partner?

Men

82

Mate poaching tactics of men and women

Men: offer power and willingness to provide resources Women: offer good looks and sex

83

What type of cheating to family members find most worrisome?

Sexual infidelity

84

If partners cheat with someone of the same sex, what are men most worried about and what are women most worried about:

Men care about the sex only as much as women do (no chance of paternal uncertainty), the affair is less threatening to them Women think it is equally awful for a homo vs hetero affair

85

What attachment style is most likely going to try to work out problems after learning about infidelity

Secure

86

The different responses to the threat of your partner's ex of men and women

Women: put on a show and gain approval of partner Men: protect their ego by confronting rival or flirting with others

87

Are men or women more likely to try to get their partner jealous? Why do they do it?

Women Do it to test the relationship or to get more attention from partner

88

Ways to reduce their own unwanted jealousy (2)

Self-reliance: "stay cool" and not dwell Self-bolstering: boosting own self-esteem

89

Deception:

intentional behaviour that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows to be untrue

90

Types of deception: (4)

Outright lying Concealing information Diverting attention Half truths

91

Do we tell more or fewer lies to friends/partners than strangers

fewer

92

Deceiver's distrust:

When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result

93

What type of people tell more lies?

Insecure attachment People who are concerned about what others think of themPeople who are social

94

Truth bias

Assuming our partner is telling the truth

95

Do men and women differ in their tendency to betray

no

96

Who are men and women more likely to betray?

Men: romantic business partners Women: friends and family

97

What are 3 main problems with revenge?

1. It can turn into a cycle of hurting each other 2. It is less satisfying than expected 3. Being vengeful keeps the hurt alive and does not allow us to heal

98

Why do people with secure attachment forgive more?

They ruminate less

99

What factors make forgiveness easier?

1. Sincere contrition 2. Victim's empathy 3. No rumination

100

Forgiveness is associated with ______ relationship satisfaction when the partner rarely misbehaves and _____ relationship satisfaction when the partner frequently betrays

higher lower

101

When does conflict occur

When one's wishes or actions actually obstruct or impede those of someone else

102

Dialetics

Partners differing goals that will always be in conflict with each other by nature

103

Typical dialetics in relationships: (4)

Stability and change Integration and separation Openness and closedness Autonomy and connection

8 ways intimate terrorists control their partners

Who are more likely to engage in physical violence with their partners

women

154

3 categories of situational couple violence

1. instigating triggers - cause both partners to be on edge 2. Impelling influences - make it more likely that partners will experience violent impulses 3. Inhibiting impulses - encourage partners to refrain from violence

155

2 possible reasons for intimate terrorism

1. Bad at communication and violence is the only way they can make them stay 2. They are antisocial and like inflicting harm

156

Characteristics of abusing men:

- feel intellectually inferior to partner - low self esteem - poverty

157

Why don't women leave abusive relationship?

They dont think they would be better off if they left

158

Low income predicts more or less divorce

more

159

Cohabitating before marriage predicts more or less divorce

more

160

What are the 2 main barriers that distinguish couples who divorce with those who dont?

1. Dependence on spouse 2. Religious beleifs

161

Stress spill over

Stresses felt outside of the home are brought home and create conflict

162

Enduring dynapics model predicts how ______ a couple will be

happy

163

2 big conclusions from the PAIR project:1. The ____ and ____ of changes in romance best predict divorce 2. The psoblems couples bring into a relationship determine how ____ a divorce will occur

1. Size and speed 2. quickly

164

Preserving indirectness in breaking up

Gradual dissatisfaction that led to one partner to make repeated efforts to dissolve the realtionship without ever announcing the intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the relationship