From an age of innocence to a time of flagrant debauchery; from finding love to losing hope, this is the life journey of a Chinese gay guy born in KL, Malaysia where he tries to make sense of his homosexuality, his life and the world around him.

11 October 2008

Ignorance Is Bliss

"Have you never wish that you were normal?""In what way am I not normal?""I mean, don't you wish that you were straight?""Hmm... never really thought about that.""Have you thought about getting married and having children?""I like children, but raising them? No... that's why I don't have pets."

I guess I have always been naive growing up. Looking back, it seems like a blessing to me now. I have never question my own sexuality. I have never wonder why I am gay. Nor am I interested in knowing the reason. Some friends has been growing up tortured. Wondering why that they are gay, reading on scraps of information available to them back then when the internet is still in its infancy, telling them about their own sexuality. Some points to the lack of father figure in their life, some says that they were born with it. They desperately seeking to understand themselves, which in turn bring forth dilemmas and torments.

At some point in my life, I come to consider that being gay is simply a way of life for me. Someone once told me that it's all about perception and I agree with him that how you live your life, gay or straight, is how you perceive it. But as perception goes, there are different perspective about perception. It's no longer about right or wrong, it's all about your own acceptance. My perception might be so forth but that doesn't mean it would suits you. You might disagree with the lifestyle I lead but that I certainly doesn't give a damn. I think of it as a progression of mindset from understanding to accepting yourself to accepting others and realizing that it is their choice to live that way, however much we do not agree with it.

The friend told me later that if people around him were to find out that he was gay, he would probably move to another country or commit suicide. I guess I would mourn him if I know that he commits suicide but then again, I would respect his choice in life regardless of how I perceive his decision.

What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.