I cannot apologize for this but I am a teacher of the Word of God. My husband and I have pastored a church for the last 15 years with over 20 years of full time ministry and I have seen many a family experience death. So it is my mandate to talk to you. In the Bible it quotes; John 3:16: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotton Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 3:17: For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world,but that the world through Him might be saved. In Isaiah 55:6 it says to call upon the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. He is near to you, I didn't stumble onto this thread for no reason. I don't think it would hurt for you to call upon the Lord at this point. He will save you and you will spend eternity with Him and then we will get to meet you. You have nothing to lose at this point. Oh and I have also seen God heal many of diseases. There is nothing to difficult for my God. He is already healing your relationship with your son, He is already working in your life. I have shared my faith and I pray that you would, by faith, reach out to the One who can save you and give you eternal life.

Sister T and the others are telling you the truth - you must go to a church and talk to a pastor or priest or rabbi about this. I am not a 'religious' person, meaning that I do not attend church services or belong to a church.
Through the years I began to doubt the existance of a God who would allow such horrible things to go on in the world, etc. But, in my heart I still believed that there was a higher being. Many times I feel the presence of spirits - perhaps 'guardian angels'. I can't explain it, but it just happens from time to time and I know it's real. Without realizing it, I'll bet that you have suddenly had something come to your mind sort of telling you what to do. One example is your desire to get to know your son. Another is that your ex-wife didn't discourage your son from seeing you and having dinner, etc.
I really admire Born-again Christians because they have such strong beliefs...I have friends who have become born-again Christians, and their true beliefs amaze me! That's not to say that you should become 'religious' (whatever that means) but just that you should talk to a person who can hopefully help you understand the reasons for believing in a higher power.
I am the last one left in my family; and each time I have lost someone I have a feeling that they are still around as a spirit, helping me cope.(my sister died of pancreatic cancer, and my brother committed suicide). Thankfully, I still have my children and hope they outlive me. Please, please go to a church service - any church service - and arrange to talk to the minister or the priest, etc. I truly believe you will have a totally different view of death after you have done this. (sorry if this sounds "corny" or whatever to you)
God bless you. Mabent

So sorry. I just turned 41 myself. It seemed pretty inconsequential in light of the fact that my father is dying. I don't know that there's a thing in the world that would shed some crystal clear beam on this for you. But this journey with my dad has been so hard because he has never been able to come to acceptance of his death. I swear, worse than any of the physical pain has been that he just could not turn off the fight in his brain...
Raging against the dying light may seem poetic, but it's downright torturous if death is an impending personal experience.
Like you, my dad has no wealth to leave to our family. We have only mementos to share. It doesn't matter. His and your money will be spent. The love expressed by you and for you is the ONLY thing that lasts...I needed that reminder to pass on to my own young children.
I can't imagine how hard this is for you, but I hope that you begin moving toward a more peaceful state of mind. It won't come for awhile, but seeking is easier than stark terror when you are faced with your own death.

At 22, take my honest to God advice. Talk to your son, see him, meet him. At 18, I would like to imagine that he is mature enough to accept that even though you two were not in each others lives, you are still his father. I know I would be up at my own father and spending time with him if I were to find out he was passing away.

Do what you can in whatever time you have left. Like the saying goes, you only live life once.

I don't mean to be rude or a non believer or a believer in God but this post isn't about that fact he "needs to" or "should" find God or that any of you have "proof" NONE of us have proof and will NOT know until we aren't here anymore....i think this preaching thing is not what this post should be about, he has already given his opinion MORE than once on his views of HIS belief so move on....let it be and IF there is life after death we will find out then. This discussion is for support on the feelings of his life and son and final moments he has left on earth and he should be able to discuss them without religion CONSTANTLY being brought up from the last several posters...can we talk about what is really going on and not about what may happen later with "God"?!! i mean come on people! lets think about today and not tomorrow

Your post really moved me & touched my heart. I'm sorry that you are going to lose your life here on earth but I wanted to remind you-You will have a chance to see and be with your mother again in heaven. Can I also suggest that you see your son in person to say goodbye and tell him how you feel? He won't know what to say because hes young so you will have to take the lead in the conversation but do it. Do it for him and do it for you. God will lead you home to peace & eternity. No more suffering & debt, only love.

I don't mean to be rude or a non believer or a believer in God but this post isn't about that fact he "needs to" or "should" find God or that any of you have "proof" NONE of us have proof and will NOT know until we aren't here anymore....i think this preaching thing is not what this post should be about, he has already given his opinion MORE than once on his views of HIS belief so move on....let it be and IF there is life after death we will find out then. This discussion is for support on the feelings of his life and son and final moments he has left on earth and he should be able to discuss them without religion CONSTANTLY being brought up from the last several posters...can we talk about what is really going on and not about what may happen later with "God"?!! i mean come on people! lets think about today and not tomorrow

Thank you.

I've never been a religious person, my family was not religious, and the only times I've been inside a church were for funerals and weddings of certain friends of the family and other relatives.

For me to suddenly become religious just because I am nearing the end of my existence is illogical. I have never believed in God, and for me to suddenly start believing in something that I don't think exists would be a lie. It would not bring me any comfort because I would know I was just hoping for something that I know deep down doesn't exist. Like whistling in the dark and hoping everything will somehow work out okay in the end.

Instead, I am confronting the end of my existence head on and facing the reality of it. There is nothing I can do about it but to simply accept it. It does help to express my thoughts and feelings about it, albeit anonymously on this forum.

I have many problems with religion. They change over time, so how could they possibly be true? At one time people believed in the ancient Egyptian gods and the Roman and Greek gods, and the Norse gods, but no one believes in them now. I think after a few more thousand years, modern people will look back on the God of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam the same way we now look back on the gods of the Egyptians and their quest for immortality.

Religion fulfills an important role for some people. It helps them deal with their own mortality by denying the reality of it, and hoping for something beyond death.

And then some people have a fear of death because they believe in some sort of punishment in hell after they die. I find this to be the most illogical part of the whole religion thing. If there was a God who was so sadistic that he would send people to an everlasting torment in hell because they didn't believe in him, then would you really want to spend an eternity with him? I wouldn't.

And the whole concept of eternity is so contrary to everything we know about nature, how the world works, and how the entire universe works. Everything is set up to wear out and fail eventually. Nothing in the universe will last forever. Our sun will eventually burn out and everything on earth will die and come to an end.

For whatever random chance event that brought just the right atoms together to form living things, we have been given an amazing chance to have an incredible journey through our individual lives that most of the atoms in the universe never get. We should enjoy what we have today and not worry about what comes after this.

Another thing that makes me believe what I believe is my late uncle Bill who had alzheimer's disease. Everything that made him who he was as a person was stored in his brain cells. When they got damaged by the disease, slowly but surely, everything that made him who he was-- his personality, his memories, the sparkle in his eyes, his chuckles and laughs and silly jokes-- all got stripped away until he sat there motionless staring at a blank wall in front of him, not knowing who he was or who we were, and not caring at all. His brain cells were who he was. When those brain cells got damaged and died, he stopped existing. The same thing happens to all of us when our brain cells die.

I have pretty much fulfilled everything on my bucket list that is practical and possible at this point.

I am now just going to turn my attention solely to my son and focus on him until I run out of time.

I want to thank all of you for letting me express my thoughts and feelings about all of this with you. It has been very cathartic and very helpful for me.

Thank you and in case I don't get back here to write any more about this (I will try to keep you updated about my illness, but I don't know if I will be up to the task as the disease progresses and the pain meds make me more and more of a vegetable), farewell, and remember to try to enjoy each and every day as much as you can, because you never know how many of them you have left.

thank you JM for writing back...You sound like you have everything pretty well thought out and that you are at peace ....I hope you can continue to make your videos for your son and continue to talk with your son...and you are so right about enjoying each day because none of us know how many we have left...Take care and if you feel up to updating that would be great but if not i can understand...You have been a very interesting person to talk to...

you're welcome and i think we all have different views on religion and such and while everyone won't agree because they have "proof" none of us will truly know until we are gone. I hope you are living your life to the fullest right now and have many more days ahead of you to enjoy.

I'm so glad you and your son are getting together. My brother had not contacted my dad for 20 years. When my dad was dying, my brother finally went to see him, and it brought new life to my dad. The doctors didn't expect him to live through the night. He live another 6 weeks. During that time, they shared alot, And was grateful for the time together. The past is the past. Even though you know your time is near, you can still make memories for your son.........My prayers are with you.

I signed up for HB to learn more about my health issues but came across your post and I had to reply. Please excuse my english as it is not my first language, I hope I will make myself clear.
I've been a hospice volunteer for ten years now, every week I keep company to dying people either few months away from death or right at their last breath. BTW I am your age. My experience with life after death is quiet interesting because I witnessed a lot of people saying strange things; those people were not on morphine, so no hallucinations on their part, some did not believe in God, some gave up their bodies to science ( evolution believers) but... they saw family members around them that passed away long time ago, made conversations with them at loud, I saw happy smile on their faces with their eyes focused on someone ( although I was the only one in the room), lights flashing for no reason and so on.... and I think that it does not matter if you call this IT a God, Light, Energy etc, people made me believe something for sure is there on the other side, although when I asked them about any specifics they go silent........like it is not yet my time to know.
My father died when he was 40 and I could only wish for more mementos from him, so your goodbye video and your post will make some think twice about their relationships with their loved ones and it is YOU whom we all have to thank, for reminding us that the most basic things we take for granted are the most important ones....... family. Thank you!

Please write as much as you can ,I hope your journey will be peaceful.

I realise JM's last post was a few months ago but have just read this thread and wanted to say how much I appreciate his bravery in sharing with us, also his determination to see as much of his son as possible, thus leaving his son with memories of his dad.

JM, if by any chance you can still visit the forum, I hope that you are comfortable with the help of hospice and that your relationship with your son has now eased your mind on that score, that you know now that you have done your best for him at a time when it must have taken enormous effort on your part. I believe your son will appreciate what you've done and will always think well of his father.

Is there an afterlife? I don't know, no one really knows, I think. We can have faith in this or that, but the blunt truth is we don't know and we will only know IF when we die we find there is something there. I always think it's so astonishing that the universe exists at all that it makes me think there could be other astonishing things as well and one of these might be some sort of afterlife. If there is a God/Supreme Being then I see no reason to believe he would condemn anyone to a hell; that belief was around long before Jesus's time but that didn't mean it was true then and it doesn't make it true now. I think any Supreme Being would be benevolent and if there's an afterlife it would be a pleasant one. These are only my own musings on the subject and in no way do I expect anyone to agree with me.

So JM, if you're still reading here, my best wishes for you and I hope your passing is peaceful. I feel privileged to have read your posts and heard about your life and your son and your relationship with him. I'm sorry it's all coming to an end at such an early age for you, but all of us will one day - maybe much sooner than we think - be in the same position. I hope I'll be able to meet it with as much fortitude as you've shown.