Considering the Quirky Quad Diaries is a blog on “Sex, Sass, and Spinal Cord Injuries” I thought I would dive into the topic of Sex in intimate detail!

Sex … I grew up in a culture in Europe where sex was a very open topic. I was taught to embrace my sexuality and not be ashamed of it, which so many societies, especially here in the United States, seem to shy away from.

Most sex shops are in the back of parking lots and buildings with no windows. I’m not quite sure why as a culture we are ashamed to go buy a porno film, vibrator or any other sexual toy that one desires. Why are we so quick to judge people on race, sexual desires, sexual preferences, etc.? The human condition perhaps?

This spills over into another topic. SEXUALITY & BEING HANDICAP. From numerous conversations with handicap folks and able-bodied folks over the years I’ve come to gather the impression that many people think just because someone is paralyzed that they are not sexual, cannot feel sex, nor do they enjoy it.

This is a very sensitive topic for most and one I am also intimately familiar with. For almost 5 years after my accident I did not think I would ever find love, have sex again, or find someone who would see beyond my disability. Whether you are overweight, short, tall, skinny, disabled, mentally impaired, or different it can be easy to assume sexuality can go out the door. I did not feel sexual, pretty or desirable as I did before the accident, which took me many years to overcome.

However, this particular blog is not about the emotional roller coaster of dealing with sexuality and being handicap. I want to focus on the physical act of Sex. I am constantly flooded with questions from handicap folks and able-bodied folks alike with respect to what the sex actually feels like for me? How about for most handicap folks?

While I cannot speak for everybody I can say that when you do have a spinal cord injury sex dramatically changes. The sexual nerves are wrapped around the bottom part of the spinal cord called the sacrum. If you sustain a spinal cord injury then your sexual function is impaired in the traditional sense no matter how paralyzed you are; whether from the neck down, chest down, waist down, legs down, etc.

As I was preparing to have sex for the first time I had no idea how it was going to feel like or if I would be able to orgasm.

This is a very tricky topic of conversation to navigate as friends, family and caregivers read what I write, but I will give it a go as to my personal experience over the last seven years. Naturally, after a major traumatic incident, whether you are the one injured or a friend/family of an injured one, people can react quite differently to a disaster.

With respect to loved ones and friends, they can either be super supportive or seem to do a 180° turn around to leave you seemingly high and dry. A traumatic event can really show you who your friends are, but at the same time can create quite a lot of animosity, and frustration for many that are injured. Often times you can feel abandoned or forgotten about. I think what is not discussed is how a traumatic event can also affect those around you. Some people can handle it with elegance and grace, and some people can feel just as traumatized as a person who is injured. Feelings can get hurt, emotions can run high, and relationships can be pushed to the brink.

To add to that, when you break your neck it can seem as though people are abandoning you after the initial acute phase of the injury. While there are definitely some friends and family out there who are not up for the task of handling life after disability, I don’t think it should be discounted that friends and family also have lives, get married, fall in love, start their own families, etc. This can be challenging because, from my personal experience, it can feel like everyone else is moving on and you are stuck in the same spot … sometimes for years on end.

I am the type of person who is organizer. I usually always call friends to hang out, and while we have a great time when we do so, the sentiment is not always reciprocated. Sometimes you want people to reach out to you. Sure this can hurt and feel lonely, but, as mentioned above, people also have their own lives. Spinal cord injury can take up your entire universe and it is only natural to want to have people around you at all time to share the challenges with you. I think if you have even two people in your life who are there for you then you are doing pretty well regardless of a disability.

This blog and website has been a long time in the making. I created the Quirky Quad Diaries on my personal Facebook page over the last year and a half. Several months ago I realized I had over 80 pages of blogs written on Facebook, but they were lost to the news feed.

So, I got off my butt and decided to create a website & blog to share my stories. Now, you can browse my stories, blogs, and other sections of this website at your leisure in an organized manner.

I created the Quirky Quad Diaries to share stories of my life experiences before and after the accident, crazy adventures I have experienced, things I have been through, and so much more. Hopefully, and above all, I will make you laugh, but I may make you cry, shock you, and hopefully will be able to bring a little joy to some people’s lives 🙂

I will do my utmost to post a blog each week unless I am on some sort of crazy adventure.

I have created multiple sections for this blog, so please poke around and explore!