Shaks on the Move.............

Thursday, December 11, 2014

In B-schools, when one hear of companies
like FedEx, one associates them with excellent performance, top tier companies,
who care for all the stakeholders including customers. FedEx was one such brand
in my mind until my recent disillusionment. Being an optimist, I would say they
forced me to come out of slumber to write on my blog again.

Let me take privilege to share my
experience in details. In mad rush of thanksgiving, I and my wife decided to
order lot of stuff online including a coffee table and a dinning set. Well, the
easiest part is to pay and then wait for package to come. Well it is that time
when excitement sometimes turns into anxiousness and making sure that you are
present so as not to miss a delivery ( Coming from developing country, I can
tell that you guys don’t know this excitement yet, Some poor courier guy will
call you to confirm if you are at home thus spoiling all the excitement) . On Monday
the 8th, while checking the status, I found that my coffee table
package (Tracking Id: 223979432699931)
is already delivered. Well, I didn’t know of invisible packaging till that
time. I checked all across, neighbors, leasing office but of no help. Finally,
I decided to call FedEx in the evening. Lady on the phone assured me that they
will ask driver to get in touch and asked to provide 2 day time period for
investigation on this. Well, I still believed, it was a minor mishap and
everything will be all right pretty soon.

9th was even more exciting day
for me. I was hoping that they will continue the mishap and probably I might
end up getting someone else’s more precious package. Well not so lucky and I can say that law of
averages is a fallacy. To my amusement, I found my package containing a dinning
set (Tracking ID: 625468687521) could not be delivered due to incomplete
address. I called up again and a smart agent checked the address. I gave it all
right, but someone somewhere missed something. I asked about first package as
well but the SLA was 2 days. Being in IT and an active user of SLA umbrella to
save in a mad corporate world, I had to shutup and wait for the godly driver to
call me. Day was about to end and no wonder optimist in me was much more
excited now than ever for next day.

10th was a better day
to start as my wife had a pot lunch planned at her friends place. She was
planning to propose next pot lunch at our house under the surmise that we will
receive the deliverables. I opened all the blinds so as not to miss Fedex guys.
In afternoon, I saw FedEx truck near my house. I was at the peak of excitement but
ended up disheartened once again. I called up multiple times and super-efficient
service desk of FedEx behaved like a beautiful self-obsessed lady and took 4
attempts to hear me out. I love service desks for this call drop feature. Fourth
time as soon as I got the agent, I gave her my number as I am a non-believer in
law of averages. She assured me once again. At times, I feel service desk
agents should be appointed to help mourners to cope with loss.

In the evening, when I finally
left hope, I heard a knock. It was the dinning set. In last few days, this
simple piece of furniture has become the reason of my existence. I almost pulled
it from the delivery guy. I never knew that FedEx can surprise me once again.
The package was improper, open from one side showing a peek of the broken table.
Well, it was enough to force me to write this blog. Anyways, I have reached to
the seller for return of the dinning set. Optimist in me is hopeful that probably
world famous fedex will learn something from competition and deliver my
packages - on time, all fine.

Monday, October 06, 2008

I must admit that I am becoming lazy day by day or in management lingo rediscovering my true self once again. I created a folder, where I used to trash all my creative ideas in an attempt to let them ripe for the right moment. No point in guessing, that those ideas got buried. It’s ok!! It is never too late to delay it further.One of the interesting things that has happened with me is my name” Shakun”. First thing anyone ask is what the meaning of your name is. Obviously you wouldn’t like to say it is as meaningless as your stupid question unless you have just seen Ram Gopal verma ki Aag. When my parents told me the logic of naming me Shakun, I couldn’t ask for more. Atleast, I can tell people, though my name does not have a meaning, it is very logical. It has some letters of my father’s name and some from my mother. By that logic, I could have been named Kush. But that’s what I call is fate.The name Shakun could have been still OK but I found more black heads on mother earth with this name than males. It forced me to put my photo in Orkut with a clear explicit mention of sex, to prevent my mailbox from overflowing by unsolicited mails from love deprived descendents of Adam. I hate when somebody expects a female and I reach there to slaughter all their dreams. I see how their face turns from stud Imraan Hashmi to hopeless Mahesh Bhatt. It is a guilty feeling on my part.Once, one of my friends called me to inform that there is another person on mother earth with same name as yours “Shakun Agrawal”, I immediately searched on Orkut only to find a female who stays in Buffalo, NY. I felt like scrapping her how dare you let your parents name you after me ;-). Alas she is older and she could sue me otherwise.Forget all that! Anyway what’s in a name? I have kinda got habituated of listening to all those names ranging from Shakuni mama, mama, Shukrana, shakku to all those modern ones shaks( self proclaimed), shaky, shakki and the list goes on… I would always love to meet some guy carrying the burden of same name. It’s like brotherhood. I had one in my school but everybody doubted his manhood. I tried my best for that guy but God is all crazy. Anyway, I will meet somebody with the same name someday over a drink to philosophize him on name theory.The most memorable murder of my name has been in a discussion with a guy from NA. It shook me when he pronounced me as SHAKEN. One I liked few days back when somebody wrote me as Shaun, I was really happy that he only missed K, if he would have missed AK then I wouldn’t have liked it at all. Sometimes, foreigners pronounce me as SHAH KAUN. I don’t hate it that much as it is only 3 letters away shah rukh. Lately, I got an appreciation certificate citing me as Sakun. ( At last found a place to write about it). While my name is getting butchered in all possible ways, I have become habituated to it all.This is mostly my last post in this blog . I am finding it difficult to stop people from stereotyping my personality based on my blog. I will start one anonymously. That would allow me to write freely.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Whatever I am writing is my perception of Indians based on various encounters with different type of people. I am privileged to have friends in all parts of India.

East India

Bengali

80% bongs would have name starting with S, D or AAn average bengoli sings better than best of IndiaSmoking is a symbol of manhood ( or whatever, if you are bong, you gotta smoke)You can get diabetic just by seeing them eating sweetsBongs play safe. They are always worried about the train, plane reservation and would be the first one to reserve things in any aspect of life. They believe else it would be over.If a Bong has just enough to fill his tummy and he still shares it with you whole heartedly, he is a true friend of yours.People believe that bongs are not trustworthy “ I refute”Females are dominant in bongs. Children are closer to mother than father. Females rule house.Bongs are a very awkward body shape generally ( leave BipashaBasu and other exceptions alone)Bongs are excellent in arts and literature but does not have heart for business generally.Bongs have very weird pet name, “tubai” for instance

BiharisNo respect for law. Everything can be boughtIntelligent to the core. But Mind work bothways constructive as well as destructive.

OriyaAmazing culinary skills

West IndiaMarathisLangoorkemuh me angoor applies well. 70%+ cases female would be more graceful in a coupleTailors are obsessed with saving clothe. Most of the trousers would be short by 1 inch atleast.They would study in a small college in chandrapur but wont go any other state, given a chance in a NIT . For most of them at most pune or mumbai is the end of India. For anything, Maharashtra is a end of India for most of them.Unknown to India mine of beautiful ladies in and around kolhapur region. ( I saw one of the most beautiful female in kolhapur few years back)Brinjal is one of the very common dish in marriages :-(There are 2 types of Marathis

1.Learned, cooperative, appreciates art2.Yede types, cranky

Gujratis

India's SaasBahu viewership answer to Bold and beautiful viewers.Undoubtedly, very high risk appetiteGujjus mind works in all unpredictable ways to find out a workaround for any problemGujju's taste buds are mysterious. One end they love spicy food, on the other side they put sweet in many dishes.If a Gujju spend a money on you genuinely, he is not a gujju.They buy english news paper only to see rates of shares .Now a days they are glued to bottom most strip of television setA strong community bonding

North IndiaPunjabis

Very happy go lucky culturePretentious to the heights. They can compromise on quality of life in trying to show other what they do not possess.One definitely enjoy their companysomebody rightly said, 3 stages in punjabifemale's life : baby, babe and baybayThey do not fear anything and can be found anywhere on earth

HariyanviThey believe in saying spade a spade, though it might not be required or might cause embarrassmentbelieve is not wasting mind so it remains untouched at times.lively

UP

50% have traits to become politician. ( good density near Lucknow area)No Dish is complete without Aloo and everything has to be fried.They enjoys breaking rules.Respect in language is paramount ( ji, Aap)One person follows certain formula to become successful and everybody else follows it ( this tendency is higher comparatively)

While coming back from Anshu's wedding, we took a flight from Bhuvneshwer. Flight was at 10:40 AM. Now reaching airport is a pain as it takes 6-7 hours from Sambhalpur . We got a cab and started by 12:30. Punit was not in best of his health and his tummy was responding back to his gulping of countless samosas on the way to sambhalpur. Me and Ravi decided to sit next to driver alternatively, to keep him awake. I sat next to our man and exhausted all my possible list of topics to talk to him. last line of every answer would be "this is a maoist area". Though, We did not have any intention to scare maoists :-) , we were concerned for their problems. It was most boring journey, I was trying to keep myself awake and managed till early morning. Whole trip was like a flashback in my mind " train to jhasguda, playing cards, eating countless samosas, then playing again, sleeping, typical train journey, way to sambhalpur, anshu his family all rituals, a short trip to hirakund dam, dancing in the baraat, sudeepta and a loads of other things.

Morning their was a road strike and it was important for us to reach airport before 7 and we reached without any untoward incident. One thing we all wondered is the list of people not requiring security check. This list had a name of Robert Vadera. I do not understand who the hell he is to have that privilege. Ravi captured it well.

One incident I can't forget. I ordered water and the waiter got butter to our room. We had a good laugh over it. Many short stories of that trip in my mind, Some other time.

We were very careful in not calling him Anshu. Once, one of my friend called up Pankaj Lal. His dad picked up and this guy said" Uncle, Lal se baat karni hai" and uncle replied " Beta humare yahan sab lal hi hain kiss lal se baat karni hai :-)"

Ravi had a different perception of Orissa. He had seen a lot of oriyya workers in Surat textile mills. So he thought of Orissa as a very very backward place. while it is not that backward as the perception of Indians are. Only thing i can say is that we think in extremes most of the times. I would say that people migrate for better opportunities but it does not mean that they do not have opportunity at home at all. It is a choice they make and they pay a price for it.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Life has been quite fulfilling now a days. This weekend added one more feather in my journey of life. I never knew I am so close to heaven. Such statements are generally known as global gas and I call them philosophical nonsense.

In plain words this weekend was chill. we visited ganpatipule. Though I wont mind writing a travelogue, but will skip certain parts and keep only the un”adult”Rated parts.

As usual, by the end of Friday night, I was in “seventh hell”. In the end ,I switched off my phone and reached home early by 8 :30 PM. I was so happy that security guard didn't ask me to sign in the visitors register.

I and abhi were determined not to waste the most awaited first weekend of rains . Yet we dared and wasted 2 precious hours in watching TV. By 11, we decided to go for a ride and ended up at ccd chandni chowk. By 1 AM after trying so hard, we could not sit at CCD. It sucks bigtime. Abhi was not in a mood to sleep. He wanted to go for trekking in Nashik . But we found out that it is still not raining enough in Nashik for insane people to trek. Now what next, Abhi called up “Goa” Raju. He along with “foodie” sohal and “Sarkar” Mhatre came to my place from a late night show of Sarkar Raj. We somehow arranged for all the drinks by 2 and had some good timepass at Goa's place.By 3:30 AM we were deciding for a place. “Goa” Raju was advocating for Goa and Kashid, me for “ratnagiri” and Mahabaleshwar, abhi for mahabaleshwar and kashid, Sarkar for lonavala breakfast. Now foodie's decision was crucial.

At last after endless discussion, we decided on Ratnagiri ( Ganpatipule). Next 15 minutes we wasted in deciding on car “ Ikon” vs “ Santro”. After a deadlock we tossed a coin and decided on Santro. Santro had a good music system and that's what is more important than space of Ikon. In 10 mins we put very few clothes and By 4:15 AM, we left pune. As we touched highway, it was pelting water. On one end, Raju was driving full throttle at 130-140, on the other sarkar and foodie were in deep sleep. In the background, we had some good beats keeping us energetic. It was beautiful outside. We saw some amazing early morning sceneries in the hills of Satara. We passed one wind farm on the way. One scenery was very similar to downtown US atleast with the kind of music, people and surprisingly roads too. The life was treating us good and that could be the reason that it was drizzling all the way. We stopped at many places to see flavors of nature. At one ghat, we were driving through the clouds, at a landscape we out”wet”ed rains, had breakfast in a shack with gentle breeze kissing hairs. We reached Ganpatipule by 11 AM.

It took us around an hour to find a place there and then what next!! We all were dead for 3 hours. Didn't sleep yaar last night. By 4PM Saturday, we got up, and by now all of us were terribly hungry. We went to MTDC restaurant and had 10 rounds of snacks coming. Once filled till head, we went to beach. It is a nice beach, though bit dirty because of rain effect. We walked on and on the sand. Camel ride was fun, as the trajectory you take while camel stands up is better than many of the rides of essel-world. We lied down on beach and our talented foodie crafted a female body using sand. It was so real that we couldn't resist the temptation of having her clicked with all of us . We crashed on beach and had some nariyal pani and left the place by 7.

We rested for a while at our resort and went to krisha place for dinner. It hosts only bar in Ganpatipule. We had dinner and “Goa” drove us to a hill overlooking sea. It was one of the high points of the trip. Some soul wrenching music along with sound of the waves in the deep darkness to night. That moment is frozen in my mind. It was indeed a special night . It was all silence out there expect the waves and Sarkar who was busy explaining his G.F. That night had so much of life into it that one could only spoil it by writing about it.

We all were very tired and went dead till next morning 8:30. Next morning, It rained like anything. The first thing we saw from window, was class apart. We all were charged up to get wet. Alas we were not carrying enough clothes. But who cares, somehow we managed. We had a good bath at beach while rain betrayed us and didn't shower us . After sometime we got freshen us at room and checked out. By that time we were out of cash and need to withdraw. Bank of India ATM was not functioning. Me and Sarkar left for another ATM which was in temple premises. Although we didn't plan but me and sarkar wanted to go to famous ganpati temple. What more than this opportunity, we visited the temple, had a darshan of Ganpati and also withdrew the money.

After our breakfast at 12, we left the place. We also did some small shopping and all . We took chiplun route while coming back. It is another very scenic ghats that we pass though Chiplun. It reminds me of my visit to chiplun and marleshwar 2 years back. We came through few cool sites with so much of nature. One of the city moment of success ( too much of IPL na) was awaiting us on the ghats of Karad. It was 2:30 and we all were damm hungry. There was no hope of getting anything in ghats till we got a stand alone “valley view” restaurant, overlooking a valley perfect for paragliding. Chilled air waves were openings every pour of the body and putting mind into wallpaper mode. We asked the guy to serve us in open next to valley and convinced him to do so. That place was some place yaar.

We started by 4:30 to karad. By the time we reached Satara, we were out of cash and need to put long hand into our pockets to get some chiller for tea. You must be wondering why I am writing so much about food and eating. It's all because of our own “foodie” Sohal whole examples are even foodie “Car got sandwiched”

By the Way, “Goa” Raju's dream is still unfulfilled. To cheer for Portugal( EURO cup) in Goa. He has bought a Portugal T-shirt for it. We couldn't convince “Sarkar” Mhatre that Rajeev Masad is a good critic and Sarkar Raj is a flop . Foodie wanted to kill us for keeping him hungry for most part of the trip. Abhi is still in earlier Goa trip hangover and not ready to listen anything other than Trance. Me, as usual.....

Life treats so well on weekend that it takes away all the hardships one does on weekdays. Weekday!!!! what. Oh no!! we are back and tomorrow is a working day.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I do not have any contribution of my head in decision making and most of my decisions are governed by my heart. Although it is crazy, But I can’t help it.

Extremes:

Watching 2 movies back to back in 2 different movie halls, eating whole day out in all good restaurants, 3 days before the exam. After that left with money just enough to buy cold drinks or reaching back to hostel. Preferred cold drinks and walked 5 kilometers.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Forward your Dept head’s photo to all your friends asking to forward it to 10 more people and they will get promoted else bad luck will follow them.

If someone senior is bugging you and gives you an opportunity to ask a question, ask “Melody Itni chocolaty kyoon hai!!!” and “Log cloromint kyon khate hain!!!”

Play Akon’s “I wanna F*** you” in a con call”.

When some senior guy uses too many unnecessary jargons, tell him” Please talk in English, I am new to Greek”

Send a pic of office broken tiles to company’s distribution list with subject line “Recession is hitting really hard”. To make matter worse, put ur bosses id in cc. To make matter even worse, don’t send the pic in first go and send a follow up mail to everybody with message “forgot to attach”. Better and quick results can be achieved by marking your HR also in cc.

Don’t wash your socks for a week, beautifully gift wrap them. Needless to say don’t forget to put your name on the gift.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Sometime back one sudden impulse of excitement forced me and pammi to convince “paji” and “circuit” for a long ride after midnight. While the reason that “wahan pe crowd aacha hota hai” does not work after midnight, convincing becomes too tough a job. Yet we succeeded. Night Safaris are always fun but added fun was that circuit was sitting behind me when he got update call from his fiancé. “Update call” is the typical phone call that lasts for 55 minutes and gives you 5 minutes time to elaborate those 5 minutes in next 55 minutes. Typically, after getting engaged before getting married everyone has to pass through this “agni pariksha”. Bechara!! I can only listen to one side of conversation

If she would have been his GF, we could have used “Be a man” to remind him that he is a man and nobody has right to challenge his manhood but aab shaadi ki baat hai to kya karein. Bechare ki class ho gayi faltoo mein. When we came back, ek ghante tak convince kar raha tha. While he was about to succeed, he entered the room. Phir kya tha ek aur googly maari hum logo ne. Started speaking loudly “ Kya capacity hai yaar iski, 15 mins mein do bandiyaan pata leta hai”

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Lately I got a disheartening letter from Limca Book of Records. Sometime back I applied for a record of maximum number of accidents in a lifetime. To achieve this milestone, “I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn’t even matter”. The letter states how badly I am doing. In last 4 months, only 3 accidents. That too not a single major accident. A major accident includes 1 fracture atleast.

But there is good news also, they may give me the award for generosity because at all the 3 incidents I got crashed trying to save people/ animals with their eyes at the back of their head. I am not talking about atypical aliens of Hollywood movies, with tentacles coming from all unexpected parts of body and green color skin. These are human beings with this peculiar deformity in which they can only see themselves and believes all the public resources are their “baap ki jaidad”

My Last accident was class apart. This small baby with god given deformity started crossing the road in an attempt to woo a small girl (“Boys” style, my frns dubbed it for me). Now it was my prime responsibility to let that guy get his love and save him from this “Pyaar ke dushman duniawale”. I skidded to save him. That’s when I hate all these bike commercials, they never show the face of the stunt performer so you can not make out how many performers were hospitalized in the ad shoot. The sight of that baby hugging the baby (female wala baby) took all my pain away. I never knew life is so filmy at times in Yashraj style.

Somehow with the help of the remains of my bike, I reached back home. My heroic attempt to save the child made my bones Jagran and Kirtan whole night. My 1500 bucks trouser became a 15 rupees cleaning cloth third time in a row. My wrist watch made me to go to this showroom lady who believes that I break my watch myself in order to meet her. I am sure, the way things are going, I would be paying EMI’s for a bike which I won’t have.

Kissa Kursi Ka

Atlast, Me and Abhi managed to go for swimming. We were having a gala time till we heard some tortured souls of a “computer wala company”. They were using H1, L1 and B1 as codewords of a top secret mission to US. We couldn control to ask them “Can you help us in booking the movie tickets in E-Square” We hit again “ The way you were saying H1, L1 and B1, we thought you book tickets in cinema halls at nominal charges”

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I dont know the author, I got it from John in 2005. Only forward which I kept. It is more relevant today than it was. This forward is dedicated to all my frns getting married soon. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The brown official-looking envelope I received by registered post that day had my degree certificate in it.’ Bachelor of...’ it announced in somewhat gaudy letters as I stood smiling. Bachelor!

Till then I was a boy, a brother, a student and whatnot -- but not a bachelor. All of a sudden, that important piece of paper had given me a new identity.

I know you are dying to tell me things like 'this bachelor is not that bachelor', but believe me, the very next day my phone rang. It was my real-estate agent, an uneasy reminder to the approaching expiration of the initial company accommodation. "Sir, you are a bachelor, are you not?"

"Sure, I am," I said, almost adding, "and now I have proof of that, if you need."

"Sorry sir. The owner is not willing to give the house to bachelors. But don't worry, sir, I have many other houses. You see..."

So that's how it is. No country for the people of Palestine. No food for starving Somalis. No trees for migrating birds. And yes, no houses for poor bachelors.

They are not welcome in residential areas. Bachelors party and make noise round the clock. They go after the neighborhood girls. They don’t respect the norms of the colony. They come in groups...

Anyway, I learnt my lesson: Bachelors don't have all the civil rights that 'normal' citizens enjoy. But then, what do we have that makes many a married guy cherish the memories of his long-lost bachelorhood?

Palestinians have to cling to their land. Migrating birds are bound by directions. But a bachelor has few restrictions. Except for renting an apartment and walking into one those stupid 'couples only' clubs, he can have everything else.

He gets up at any time and sneaks into the office unnoticed when others get ready for lunch. He sits to almost any time in front of the computer without worrying about anxious where-are-you calls. He stays away from the house for days and no questions are asked. He does whatever he wants on the weekend, in the company of his friends...

Yes. Friends are the most important aspect of any bachelor's life. Without them he practically has no existence, especially if he's staying away from home.

But then one day, over the thundering music and the first round of cold beer in a dimly lit pub, he announces his plans to get married to this cute girl that someone else had found for him. Over the double cheers, the naughty comments and laughter, I become aware of something that hurts me somewhere. My friend's getting married. Of course it's something to celebrate. But then, that also means he's leaving the gang!

We attend his wedding, the most colorful function of his life, in full spirits. All of us. We give him gifts, wish him good luck and retreat to our good old world, one member less. It does not take much time before we find him reduced to much-delayed replies to our bunch of mails -- and as for phone calls that comes only once in a blue moon.

For my part, I watch the pile of wedding invitations in the corner of my desk grow at an amazing, alarming pace. Before I know it, most of my cool buddies are gone. And the rest of us soon realize that we are not always welcome to the new circle the married men have formed. So we seek solace behind those office doors where the sun never sets.

I do meet my married friends occasionally. In the office, on a casual walk, or in a busy restaurant. They are my friends still. And they are still friendly as much as their new lifestyle and added responsibilities permit.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Action: Coming back from Kalyani Nagar, I and my friend decided to have brunch at Kamaths. Life’s one of the problems is to choose what to eat from a Menu. So we started playing musical chairs and passed the menu till one decided we will go for some usual tried and tested stuff. On the table next to us there was a drama going on. One end there was a guy and his parents and on the other hand lady and her parents. I never knew that the next 30 minutes are going to entertain more than usual comedy movies. The lady to the gentleman “What is your long term goal?” And we started laughing. If I would have been there “my long term goal is to become gangster. Our son will run the show in Latin America. I will keep Paris Hilton as a maid for him and George Bush as a cleaner, Oprah Winfrey as teacher LOL” I mean what is the significance of long term goal. In my 10th standard, I wanted to become doctor, 12th , head of operations; engineering, scientist in AI; job, fin guru and MBA, entrepreneur and so on. With so many changes already I might end up becoming someone I never thought of. Obviously, everybody likes to do something good in long term but at times we don’t have control over circumstances. This question baffles me.

Coming back to the point, the guy was answering everything with such composure as Sachin is to sledging. I am not favoring that guy but that particular girl looked finicky types. Given a chance she would have asked him to show how he would escape “belans (That cylindrical thing which hits really hard)”. After so many rounds of police enquiry, the guy and gal were left alone. And when they joined again, the guy’s face looked as if his parents have caught him at Bandstand. The show continued and we left after some time.

I had one more such experience. One of my friends took me to accompany him to face the “battle of Bangalore”. Ya that’s how I recall it. Only motivation for me was to go and grab a free lunch in a good hotel. But I regret it till now. The gals parents asked everything to my friend other than asking him to pull his shorts down. I mean it was embarrassing. To be sure that you wanna right guy for your Sita types gal (who never dated vibhishana), you can’t put a guy in front of Ravana and expect him to behave like Ram. (Ravana is metaphor for nonsensical questions and so on).

(Swayambar: the reason for title is so many dishes to eat in Menu and we can choose one among them, kinda Swayambar na.) Please don’t try to find any second meaning into it!!

I would have done better as an artist, sociologist or art director. I don’t want to finish as just another XXX in some IT company. Don’t know the path yet.

So many things going in my mind. Good thing none is related to work, bad thing I don’t have time to pursue.

It takes 2 days to come back to your normal self and 1 hour in office to feel something is wrong with you.

Westerners understand the importance of work life balance. Indians have too much of “achievement motivation”. Misplaced!!

I took MBTI again and my personality type (INTP) came same again after 2 years.

Whatever job you do (However fundoo), once you know it, it is all the same. Research could be an exception but if it is not applied research, what’s the motivation? If you can’t change life of people, does it make any sense, it is abstract. I am nothing against it, just wanna say, it is important to enjoy whatever you do, nothing is extraordinary in this world.

I meet this guy every weekend. I hate him to the core. He shows too much of unnecessary atti. He reminds me of Bobby (not deol, but chakka, bollywood fame)

The only reason I removed counter from this blog because I don’t want to face I am the only reader.

I rate him best actor of all times ( Full Stop) The way Captain Sparrow walks will be the talk of acting books in the years to come. I am waiting to see Shantaram. He is the only guy who can enact that character.

Mahatma Gandhi

It is kinda fashion to crib Gandhi. What ever people say but you can’t take away the fact that he was the one who populated Ahinsa as a fighting tool.

last 2000 years on mother earth, how many non violent movements took place? How intense they were? What was the overall impact?

Ritu Beri

I hate when people ask me who Ritu Beri is. She is the face of new Indian woman independent, smart, forward looking and what not.

Her creations are simply superb. Till now couldn't buy anything other than a pullover from her creation but if get a chance ( miracle happens), I would only wear her creations.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

All the camera companies should share their revenues with Orkut. Today, major reason people wants to take snaps is to put in their Orkut profile. Orkut bug keeps on pressing one for a camera, especially on finding your friends’ inability to capture you in George Clooney pose. (Pun intended). At times people enjoys taking pictures more than the place itself because it is of utmost importance to show others that I visited Jhoomri talialya and my snap taken over there had put Brad Pitt out of business. At the end of their lives, these photogenic characters will leave a lot of options for Spielberg (pun intended) to choose for the frame, a small but powerful role.

Let’s not forget person behind the shutters who believes for every snap that this snap deserves a place in fortune 500 list of photographs (Oh ho ! Pun intended). Nobody understands the plight of that guy, how he has graduated from the “Say cheese” days to “abstract makes perfect sense”. All these guys are in so fond of shutter box that they do not get the feel of sightseeing from naked eyes. Once all possible “Taj Mehalish” type photos are over, which can never be the case, their eyes rolls on to find that it’s all over. I have a cool idea for these souls to have their cameras in time set mode before leaving the other end of shutter, world.

Going to foreign location for Honeymoon and posting 100 photographs of each place has become a trend sort of. These couple forces you to suspect whether they did anything else on Honeymoon at all. I can anticipate their answer to “What did you do on Honeymoon?” We clicked, clicked and clicked till we could click. (Hey man, pun intended!!)

In short, in every sphere of life I meet people who are busy in making up a life that they never lived. Let’s live life and leave it on others to capture it.

And then there are people who use “pun intended” to make sure that their differently- abled readership understands the brand new breed of PJs (pun intended).

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Now when only 18 days are left for this year's second secular festival, preparations are in their final round ( wondering what was the first, the day on which only sweets lover goes to school to get 15 days old boondi.) Times of India reporters have already started collecting statistics of condom sales in Ahmedabad to put it as a cover story. The condom statistics have already triggered maternity hospitals to plan for using there premises for other purposes during few (festival +9) months of the year.

These TOI guys lack creativity and genuine information to report. Like a poll on how many guys were successful to put a flower in an overfilled hand (just like god's idol), how many got slapped because of bad breath, average number of flower vases girls were able to fill, scarcity of water in the city to keep those flowers, city by city comparison and what not. On top of that they have bacchi karkaria, Jug suria and shobbha dey to write perfect non sense in the most sensible language. Still one pat article after every festival will be on sale on condom in Ahemadabad. May be, TOI staff works in any condom factory.

Leave these journalists aside, our “bhartiya snaskriti ke rakhwale” shivsanik and bajrang dal also celebrates it in their own way. On valentine day, it is their unconstitutional (un is silent) right to take personal revenge. They can catch anybody, beat them and tell them “even if you are not a pair but you would make a good pair that's why we took this proactive stand.” If a little bit more freedom is given to these guys, they will get all the married people divorced in a “single” day. But every year they face a problem. Unlike other festivals, on Valentine day they do not have anybody in particular to burn effigies of. Probably they can burn theirs as they are one, creating maximum nuisance. This year, they are working day and night to prepare a list of all enemies. Isn't it a good idea, propose a girl on valentine day, if she goes with somebody else, join Shiv sena and beat that guy up next valentine day only to know that now that Kanya is going around with a Bajrang dal guy.

Gift shops are gearing up for their most happening event. They have so much to do, increasing prices of everything by 50% at least, changing pricing tags and cleaning last years leftovers so that they look like new. Few parties are helpless this year too. Like Cinema- halls still struggling to have more corner seats, restaurants, cafes trying to have more 2 seat tables, pubs planning to throw away “2 beer whole night type couples”

For guys this is the most crucial weekend and let me not waste anymore time writing and try my luck. I think there is enough time to blossom this valentine day. Let me start with a pub ;-)

Sunday, January 06, 2008

I decided to write something on females since I wrote “ Type of Guys”. It took me so long in an attempt to understand fairer sex. At last I realized, they are pretty complex character and a female can not be typified in any one category. They show all the following characteristics but degree defers.

Girl

Most of the time of their early life females behaves like girls. Girls generally show as if they are seriously into whatever they are doing. At the sametime, they are very conscious of how am I looking today. Your answer to that question can never satisfy her as she still feels that most nerdy guy in the block is yet unmoved by her dressing. That's what we call as striving for excellence.

For guys this is the best period to talk to a female as she genuinely tries to listen unlike other avatars. But your success depends on your impression in her frnss minds, not in her mind. I know it is a kinda vicious circle because in an attempt to woo her friends, you might loose her.

Babe

Almost all young females would like to be called babe but very few of them are able to carry the attitude of a babe. Babe is smart, bindaas and casual avatar of a female. It's the temperature that decides whether a female is a babe or just another girl.

To identify a babe in a party observe the movement of few males. Center of their slow movement in one direction will have a babe out there. In a disk it is even easier, wherever there is a cluster of crowd identical to roadside accident, there is a babe out there in the center.

A babe believes “sarv-jan samabhav”. Even if she accompanies her boyfriend (who ends up being her bodyguard), she gives every man (who looks like one) a chance to curse his tailor.

During Nari-Shakti Hours of her Life, A female is in hyperactive mode. Newton's third law fails at this moment and any unwarranted action toward her may leave her warmth on your cheeks or may help you in jogging in your attempt to escape flying objects, called chappals by civilization.

Aunty

During Aunty hours, a female talks like lalitaji of Surf fame. She takes it as her prime responsibility in beating the hell out of the shopkeepers for a 50 paisa discount. For a 1000 rupee stuff, she will harass atleast 100 salesman and then she will buy it from the first shop asking him “ Hum to hamesha aapke yahan se hi kharidte hain, kuch to paisa kum kijiye”.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

I believe God has absolute control over anything or everything. As we all know that absolute power corrupts, I seriously doubt that it is not applicable to Almighty. He has created a most honest bribery system where people pay him to get their things done. Payment can be in the form of money, sweets and even hair at times. You can pay in advance or later once your request is fulfilled. But there is a caveat that if you forget to pay after promising, you have to undergo a lot of suffering. Only Payment does not serve the purpose, you also have to flatter God using different means. Only if he is pleased with your offerings, you have a chance. There are few places where probability of convincing God is high.

Based on the premise that God is all-powerful, I think he should be able to multitask to the extent to control his own creation. If he can control everything, why does he wait and react late. That enforces that Gods must be lazy. That could be a valid reason why people say “ Bhagwan ke ghar mein der hai andher nahi”

Control mechanism designed by God is not effective enough to keep world in order. These are harsh and result in a lot of destruction. Sometimes they remove a whole species from the planet. Either God is not able to justify his own creation or is playing a game with all of us. Tomorrow when he is bored of Homo sapiens, he might think of removing us. So Buckle up guys and offer more bribe else you will be kicked out of this world.

Almost all the problems in this world converge at a center i.e. Non-willingness to accept diversity. It might not come as promptly as it is. We as humans have tendency to justify ourselves or anything associated with our affiliated group, society, race, religion etc. More than justifying, we do not put effort to respect the differences others have with us. Instead, we try to satisfy our ego by showing that how the way we are/ or do things is superior / has more depth than others’. The process takes a vicious path most of the times. Not liking, hate, trying to prove, going to any extent for proving are various steps in this process.

In today's scenario, we can clearly see this dimension in most of the headlines of International concern. Israel – Philistine, North Korea – South Korea, US – Bin Laden, Environmentalists – Industries, Racism and anything for that matter. The issues mentioned are nothing but fights of existence, autocracy versus democracy, preservation versus change, need to differentiate etc. Problem is not understanding the differing view and trying to impose self-serving view onto others. Any of these issues can be solved provided parties involved are ready to respect a non-concurring perception of situation. We are yet to see paradigm shift in our thinking. Coexistence of diverse ideology is de rigueur since long else the survival of fittest ideology won't take us anywhere but to a world with a lot of unnecessary violence to eliminate the uneliminatable.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Choosing something to write on my blog is as difficult for me as probably it is for a babe to select a dress for her first date. I mean in both the cases, so many thoughts going on at a time, zeroing on oneis one hell of a job. But stakes are low in blogging so I don't need to take views from half of my friends/ acquaintance to decide on what to do.

One Fine morning, I got a call from my college senior that I have scrapped some indecent message in the scrapbook of his wife. He was a reasonable man and he understood that somebody has hacked my mail-account . But how unreasonable was the guy who posted some really indecent scraps to so many of my frns. Somehow, I got hold of my account and had to choose a password which was as difficult to remember as it is to pronounce Massachusetts . I tried doing some damage control by sending a mass mail but I really don't know how helpful it was. At once, I was of the view to just shut down my Orkut account. But then I took a clue from our ministers, they never resign even if they are at fault So why should I, when it is not my fault.

I was trying to make a mental sketch of the dude who made me a topic of discussion among people. But the only image I could think ofwas of Shahrukh Khan of kkkiran fame. You have to be half psycho to do anything like that. It does not make sense to blame a psycho for anything,he needs sympathy. Hey Psycho, If you are reading, please contact me. I am ready to finance your treatment. Anyway, I was planning to donate some money and I would be more than happy to spend on such a worthy cause.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Today( Now it is already over 20 days), I got my first salary, feeling good. also Met few of my good old friends. Had a small get together. There is one thing that has still not changed amongst us that we like each other for the persons we are. For me that is most important thing in a friendship.

In last one month, one word that I hated most is tax and loved most is beer.

Some people should learn to laugh without any pre-conditions. It's not that difficult.

I still love ghazals more than any kind of music. Given a chance, I would like to open a pub with ghazals as a music. I was wary of the idea as I wont get any customers till my idea got reinforced when I met my first assured customer over the mirror.

I dont understand how come somebody have mundane aim of life such as saving money and finds happiness in living a life full of empty glasses of their favourite drinks.

One desire, I have is to dissapear from bangalore without any plan over a weekend and do some real adventure stuff.

Few months back I got my head shaved to the next best thing > bald. Ya, I mean it looked like leg of a girl with due An-french . I realized the consequence pretty late and by the time my head was ready to serve as a public property with a lot of fingers waiting for Nirvana. My plight was like Ganguly trying to play Shoaib Akhtar.Only Saving grace was that the disc on my head had only stack entry( I mean guys) and cover charges for gals. AAkhirkar, Ijjat ka jo mamla tha. My new aim for life was to have some on-job experience of agriculture. I was taken by surprize when few distant cousins of Anu Malik took it as a style and one of them finally copied it without fail.

Arre copying se yaad aaya, we are taught to call it process reengineering in MBA as we not only copy but poke our nose doing the same thing. Like an assignment of 20 pages will become a summary of 2 page by the time it reaches the last guy. I mean, a saving of 18 important pages to protect trees -> reducing global warming. That is when the vision of an MBA graduates converts into a tele-vision. The guys will use his saved time discussing on the life of human beings in primitve age when there were Peters in england without any peter england and no restriction for anything whatsoever-xyz.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Monday, February 12, 2007

Today, Shrianant would be the happiest soul in Manipal. Why not? At last his clinical trials have passed successfully and soon whole world would be able to taste Papad chapatti. As the name suggests, Papad chapatti is a delicious hybrid of Chapati and Papad.

Not only Shrianant but all the members of our mess will be in the books for all good reasons. After so many years, a new Indian dish on global scene. For me, it is a great feeling to be part of this whole exercise. For last one and half years, my taste buds were delighted by this tasty hybrid of Roti.

One more recipe that our mess has developed is Halua Manchurian. It is India’s answer to the east. It is a Manchurian (Veg, gobhi or any other) that is so soft that it will melt in your mouth on touching your tongue. Your tooth won’t even come to know. I know you are jealous of me. But what can I do if God is biased.

There is one good thing that we are never charged anything extra other than the fixed cost for consuming any of the items reserved for clinical trials. Devana has a philosophy that a country can grow only by research and development. That is why all trial stuff is not at any additional price. And to discourage our routine habits, he charges a nominal price on the traditional food and calls it extra to remind us that we should not deviate from participating in evolution of new recipes.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Monday, February 05, 2007

Generally, marriage is a costly affaire and a cost center in accounting terms. I believe there is an immense opportunity of using a marriage for advertising. Today, when media have so much of clutter, it is one space which is still not at all explored.

I am thinking of getting my marriage sponsored (after 2-3 years) by some matrimonial site. Jeevansaathi.com presents Shakun weds XYZ. Sounds crazy Na. But it is a win-win for both parties. My cost center i.e. marriage will become a profit center and Jeevansaathi.com (or any other brand) will get a lot of publicity at very nominal prices. I hope local dailies will cover it and that again will help the brand.

There is a possibility of other sponsorships. Like for food sponsored by some rice brand, Orchestra sponsored by a music company, games sponsored by a gaming site, makeup sponsored by loreal, and photography by Kodak and there are a lot of things that can be sponsored.

Also, a new marriage t-shirt can be released. It can be bought at a nominal price. Accessories related to marriage. I mean marriage will also become a shopping place other than the rituals in which people are least interested.

Disclaimer: This article has nothing to do with me being a bania. This is just a crazy idea.

Monday, January 29, 2007

All oldies are jealous of the gen-nex guys. In the past, they hardly got an opportunity to observe and enjoy opulence of human anatomy as we do today. I doubt that there is any instrument to measure eyeball movement. Probably it is difficult to device one as oldies eyeball defies all laws of kinetics on seeing a babe.

Indian cricket team is more unpredictable than monsoon. Its performance can be used instead of a binary random function.

What it takes not to perform in a cricket match:

tummy equivalent to a 3 months pregnantalertness of a person waiting desperately to sleeptension of an ad shoot next dayStyle to justify fieldingReadymade reasons to blame pitchParamount importance for time.

Year 2050, Pan Shops are the most attractive business proposition. A recent survey reveals that 80% of pan shops are owned by the people from general category. Panwaalas are hindering India’s quest to achieve equality in its social structure. All political parties are in favor of reservation for pan shops. They are also demanding not opening up this sector for MNCs.

There is perceived danger as the rate of spitting at public places is reducing and entry of foreign companies can further have a negative impact on it. Few parties are taking it in a big way .They never filled any color in their posters and used pan spitters instead. Almost 87,000 people are employed in this activity. FDI in pan sector will endanger the bread, butter and pan of these people.

A guy likes a girl and plans to propose her. He goes to consult some of his gurus. Replies are as below:

P1: There could be 4 scenarios. First find out you want to be in which quadrant. Once you are clear it is very easy to act.

P 2: Have a FGD in boys’ hostel and identify the variables. Now make an exploratory questionnaire and ask her to rate these attributes on a scale of 1-5. Now do factor analysis and find out the factors. Prepare a final questionnaire and ask her to fill it up. Do the analysis and you will come to know whether she loves you or not. (And he did it). Then go and propose her. If she tries to say anything, you ask her “Quite Please”

Earlier years I use to propose on behalf of guys, but now due to lack of time and theme system, I have stopped. May be if time permits, I will start it in the future.

P 3: Weather is bad today. It may rain. So wait till sky clears. By the time, Go to page number 412 question number 213 of “Love ke liye kuch bhi karege” authored by love guru and try to understand it. You will get the solution of your problem.

P 4: It’s like this; in G2G (Guy to Girl) context the power rests in the hand of girl. So you ask her to issue a tender. Then you bid your proposal. You never know on the day of bid opening you find other lovers of that girl, waiting in the same garden. So quote your best proposal and pursue it aggressively.

P 5: This girl’s tips I have given in the last class. How to propose her friend, those tips I will teach in the next class. In today’s class you will be presenting BSA on proposal layout, and scheduling.

P 6: By and large, first tell me you want “a” girl or “the” girl. Have you done self exploration? First find out your anchors. Then align these anchors, with your values. Your values do not change so is your MBTI type. See whether your values match with her values.

P 7: What Amma!! All Big words. Tell me the name of the girl amma. I will go and propose (Profound propose amma)

P 8: Please enlighten me. May be it is my ignorance, I don’t know how to propose a girl. I believe because of influence of many western companies we are loosing the indigenous knowledge of proposing girls. Anyway, take her to Kerala and gift her 1 KG of Tapioca, she herself will fall in your arms.

P 9: Proposing a girl is highly technical. Let me codify it for you. First you come out of your shy ego mode. Then use your antenna to send her signals. If her antenna is strong enough, she will catch your signal.

P 10: First ask her WHY Love? Then keep on explaining her till she says yes

P 11: See, the logic of proposing is very simple. But you have to be very very careful. First you do a literature survey, 25 research articles on proposal minimum. You can take help of your friends and acknowledge them but they must contribute significantly and genuinely. Now you prepare a draft copy. Everything should be in one paragraph. No bullet points. Then you explain the conceptual framework of proposal. Then do an empirical analysis on how many proposals were successful and you see the efficiency of that girl whether she reacts instantaneously or she takes some time to react. Look at Beta, sensitivity of that girl. If Beta (sensitivity of that girl) is high then it means girl will fall in love with you (as returns are higher) but you may land up in hospital as risk is also higher and vice versa.

P 13: Love per se means nothing. First you should segment the market, then target a girl and have a solid positioning with clear PODs and POPs.

P 14:

First learn how to propose a girl in French.

Calculate how much environmental waste will be saved because of your love affaire.

Start a program to save environment.

She will be impressed by you and will propose herself.

P 15: Feedback. Keep on asking her for feedback till either she suicides or accepts you.

P16: It’s a question of inter-temporal choice. You do not propose today in the anticipation that you will gain in the future by getting a better girl. But if your future outlook is not very good then you might as well propose today. You might also consider options and swaps also because it is a question of futures.