The Introverts Guide To Having A Social Life

Most people I meet in real life seem to be shocked that I am an introvert. I think it’s because introversion is mostly confused for being shy, or socially awkward. I’m neither of those, I just get drained and over-stimulated in social situations. This has been a source of some social anxiety for me because on one hand, I love connecting with people but on the other hand, I just want to sit and chill in my room alone all day.

I think another thing that most introverts can attest to is how much they detest small talk. I’d rather stand in a room in front of 20 people and give a speech than make small talk, thinking about this makes me less nervous than sitting face to face with someone new. I think I’m more anxious of a personal interaction than public speaking, but this anxiety may be only peculiar to me.

However, small talk is a struggle sometimes. I usually just want to go about my day not speaking to anyone but someone bursts my little introvert bubble then I have to derive the mental strength to think of something to say. It sounds dramatic, but it happens often, especially after I have been in a social situation for more than a day. So without further ado, here’s my introverts guide to having a social life, from an introvert, me!

Don’t Sweat The Small Talk…

One thing I would say about becoming more social is to not be afraid or annoyed by small talk. It’s a basic nuance of life. It’s also not really important so it’s not something that much emphasis should be placed on. When I don’t have the mental capacity to make small talk I just smile, or laugh and nod.

It’s Okay To Blend In….

It’s okay to blend in the background of a conversation. Especially in a group setting. I understand the pressure of trying to not seem quiet when there are 10 + people screaming over each other. Introverts often want to pretend like they are extroverted in a social setting. This makes you put up an act that can drain you mentally very quickly.

I always appreciate the fellow introvert in the group who only speaks once or twice within a 5 minute period and just listens to everyone talk. Observing other people can be so much fun (and eye-opening), especially since we are very introspective people. There are things I would have never noticed about people if I was talking the whole time.

Listen And Observe, Our Most Powerful Quality

Listening to other people and asking questions is our most powerful tool. I’m usually relieved when people tell a story to me because it takes off the pressure for me to say or think of something. I also enjoy stories because they draw you nearer to the person you’re speaking to. This makes me feel closer to them and much more comfortable. People generally love to talk about themselves so this makes it easier to take the pressure off you!

It’s Okay To Be Uncomfortable…

Strive to get out of your comfort zone. This is different for everyone so I can’t give hard figures and advice. For me, my comfort zone is sitting at home week in, week out reading a book. Leaving my comfort zone means going out and meeting new people. Because of this, I started following a rule of saying yes to almost anything I was invited to.

It’s okay to be uncomfortable and anxious in social situations. Those nerves are irrational when I really think about it. But they’re there regardless. What are you really afraid of? Embarrassment? You’ll choke up and have nothing to say? Awkward silence?

And when all of that happens. So what? But did you die? LOL in fact you’d find that it was a learning experience. My most awkward and draining experience as an introvert was when I went to a party where I knew absolutely no one. For the life of me I could not mesh with this crowd. Trying to make conversation became tiring very quickly. I just picked up my self and went home calmly. What I learnt from that experience is that my interests do not jive with every crowd, and that is okay.

It’s okay to be uncomfortable, but if you are consistently dreading the thought of hanging out with people you meet often, it may be less of introversion and more of social anxiety. It can also mean that you just don’t like the people you hang around so much. I’m not a big lover of massive, crowded events and parties. This is something I do very rarely. I love travelling, eating out and museums, so if someone consistently invites me to places I don’t want to hang out in, I’d know that our interests at a basic level do not match.

Final Thoughts….

It’s okay to say no. You’re not the life of the party and that’s okay. You’re the sit in the corner kinda girl. The only have two friends kinda person. The only person in your friend group that legitimately looks forward to doing nothing on a Saturday night. Prefer to text than call. Just an all round cute little, introverted potato.

I guess this whole post is just trying to say that you should embrace the introverted side of you. It’s what makes you unique! You don’t have to fundamentally change your personality, you just have to exit your comfort zone more often.

Were exactly the same, now then who I was before. I’ve grown a lot in being an introvert. I’ve acquire some attributes of extrovert. But small talk isn’t my forte, but it’s a work in progress. The tips are great. I’m glad it’s ok to dislike interest from others. Cause I thought I was being a weirdo. 😂

You’re right! Everyone has their different interests and niche, even if you consider it strange, there’s always the perfect crowd out there for you! And I feel you on small talk! I’m slowly getting better but it’s a struggle haha

Wow!! After reading this I’m starting to think that I’ve always just been an introvert kind of person. I always thought that maybe I was just shy especially back in Middle School which was years ago, but now I’m starting to think differently. Of course now that I’m 42 I figure if I want to just sit and listen I will and if I can add to the conversation great if not who cares!! LOL!! 😂😂

LOL I was also very shy in middle school but now I’m not shy at all. I just need a recharge after any social event now because it’s sooo draining. And you’re right! No need to add much to the conversation, as long as you’re genuinely interested or asking questions it’s fine! Thank you for commenting 💕

These are all great tips Pearl! I can relate with a lot of these! Especially things like not sweating the small talk. It used to make me anxious having to do the general chit chat with people I just met, but it really is a good way of breaking the ice and building relationships. I love talking about the weather now haha!

Haha same here the weather is my go-to line for small talk now! I’m still rusty on my small talk but I’m getting there slowly. I love how you’ve overcome anxiety with small talk that’s amazing! Thanks for the lovely comment 💕💕

My Take on The Social Life of an Introvert
Or maybe I should just say “My Social Life as an Introvert”. Reading your thoughts, it occurs to me that there may be lots of ways for us introverts to “socialize”, with each person creating a unique style. For those lucky enough to be born with a special talent or fascination there may be no “problem”. In fact, I know a few people like that, and they seem content to immerse themselves in their “calling”. Sharing it may or may not be a need or a pleasure, but that does not seem important. Regardless, it seems to define and fulfill them – at least that’s how it looks to me.
As for me, after years of good social starts, things always petered out. No more invitations, no spontaneous chit-chats. I felt lonely but could not honestly say I missed that socialization. I missed the idea of being included, but, to be truthful, not the activities. Hmm….
The answer has been “vignettes” – brief spontaneous interactions with patrons at the book store, or the bank teller I see regularly when she’s not busy. I read, study, and write with great pleasure and intensity. I ponder ideas and events, and love exploring them with others – briefly, infrequently. That’s how I communicate with my dearest friend who lives in another state, whom I see only every 2 or 3 years. How did we become so close? By slowly sharing and discovering similar ideas and feelings, deeply private definitions of who we are – mostly by email. Times together are incredibly intense and satisfying. And I always look forward to the next little encounter in the book store, where sparks of shared ideas will light up the afternoon and make for a lovely memory.

I am an introvert and I can clearly relate to these points. A friend is just as I was reading the post asking me why I tend to ignore calls a lot and know about people in just one day, I love to listen more than speak especially in a new environment.

Your entire post is referring to me!! When I say I’m an introvert, many people disagree because I’m not shy and I blend/interact well with others. Only those who are very close to me know. I would rather give a speech in front of a crowd rather than mingle and converse with different people. I have 1 or 2 very close friends. Large social gatherings stress me out. I used to feel very bad and think of myself as weird because of my introverted nature. I recently chose to accept my nature for what it is. It’s not bad to be an introvert but I try not to let it get extreme.