Friday, June 29, 2012

Special to
TP News — Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has
decided to expand his fraternal organization, SCROTUM (Supreme Court Republican
Organization to Uncover Moderates). SCROTUM was established by Scalia in 2011
to aid in the fight against liberals and progressives, who often disguise
themselves as “moderates.”

Founding
members included the other four conservative members of the court, but after
Chief Justice John Roberts
betrayed his blood oath by affirming the constitutionality of “Obamacare,” he was removed
from the SCROTUM roster. Said Roberts, “I don’t believe I should be penalized
by SCROTUM. After all, I did lead the effort in the transformation of
corporations into people.”

Representatives
Bill
Johnson (R-OH) and Billy
Long (R-MO) have been nominated for SCROTUM membership. Tea Party poster-boy
Long recently scolded “good government types” who criticized his four-day junket
to the Wynn Casino in
Las Vegas paid for by the Consumer
Electronics Association. “My experience as an auctioneer in Missouri made
me uniquely qualified to evaluate technology. That outfit Apple might have a future.”

Johnson outlined his approach to the legislative process in
an interview today: “If Obama's for it, I’m against it. If someone says it's
good for the environment, I'll oppose it. If it's a tax, I hate it. If it's a
regulation, I don't want it. If it has anything to do with the military, I’m for
it. Other countries and religions are bad. The U.N. is worse. The only good
government is dead government.” He then doffed a white hood and drove off in a BMW escorted by a contingent of bodyguards
dressed in brown shirts.

Justice Scalia announced that the annual SCROTUM Ball will
take place at the Watergate Hotel
in honor of the late Richard Nixon,
the unfairly maligned 37th President of the United States. “Big Dick, as we
like to call him, would have been close to SCROTUM had he lived. If he’d only
been a Catholic,” Scalia said tearfully.