Friday, June 19, 2009

(last) weekend wrap up

Last weekend, Heckyeahwoman and I took a little trip down to St. Petersburg - Florida, not Russia. We went to a Ray's game on Friday night, and had awesome seats so we could stare at Carl Crawford's ass all night. So we get to the stadium, grab some hotdogs and beers, and walk around to find our seats.

And then we find them.

We walk up the stairs to our section, Heckyeahwoman spots them, then immediately suggests we get another round of beers before we sit. Ok, so we head back down to the beer selling place. We both had at least half a beer left, and I thought it was kind of weird, and I'm all, "WTF, shawtie?" Then she drops the bomb: "Sir Awesome Guy Sir, there is a really obese man sitting in the seat next to yours, sir".

Thinking about how she knows which seat is specifically mine, lol, "I'm sure he's not that fat, I don't mind, I'll sit by him".

"Like, really fat. Real fat", she replies.

"Nah it's cool babygurl, I got dis."

After filling our other hand with a beer (and I scarf down a hotdog), we head back. Now keep in mind, I hadn't noticed this absolute fat tub of shit the first time, and well, this time - I did.

HOLY SHIT THAT GUY IS FAT. This worthless piece of shit is spilling into my seat, and his legs are spread so wide from his male fupa, that there's no room for me. I'm fucking pissed. They should have charged this fat fuck 2 tickets. Whatever.

We squeeze past, and take our seats. It's a tight fit. This filthy goddamn waste is probably 60 years old, and just so disgusting, but he's with some 20 year old hot blonde chick. Probably his grand daughter or something.

Finally we finish our beers, and decide to find different seats - cause I'm squishing into Heckyeahwoman, lol. Of course, the asshole usher notices we're sitting in different seats now, and asks us for our tickets. Seriously dickface? It's the 5th inning, if these suckers were gonna come, they would have already. So he kneels down to look at my ticket, and I whisper loud enough, "that guy next to my seat is enormou"- and before I can even finish he looks at me, and tells us we're ok. Lol.

The Ray's won, 4-3.

Saturday we went to the beach, and it was awesome. Beautiful weather, beautiful water, it was great. HOLY SHIT I LOVE LIVING IN FLORIDA! So we're just hanging out, chit-chatting, havin' a brewski; and I was checking out some chicks a couple umbrellas over, when all of a sudden Heckyeahwoman points out something kind of messed up.

This fricken weirdo is wandering up the beach wearing a short trenchcoat-lookin' thing, carrying a cheese platter. WTF? Of course I forgot my camera!

I was watching him for a second, and then some honeys in tiny bikinis walked by, then I lost him. Heckyeahwoman was trying to point out where he went, but I was fixated on the shorties.

Some other awesome stuff happened, but that's another blog for another day, have as awesome a weekend this weekend, as I did last weekend.

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where you from, shawtie?

tall man on the loose in tampa area

True story, there is a tall man terrorizing the Tampa area. This weirdo usually hangs out around parks, trying to find pick-up games of basketball - during which, he will grab the ball and maneuver around so that you come into contact with his stinky, naughty bits.

Truly an unpleasant experience.

His signature move is the "bait and switch junk grab". As you're grabbing for the ball, his junk magically appears. In the way of your hand.

Another one of his famous moves is to let the ball go loose, then as you scramble for it, his sweaty ass gets in the way. Of your face.