golden girls

Everyone’s favorite TV queen, Betty White, has reportedly signed on to star in a reboot of the classic 80s sitcom The Golden Girls, which ran for 7 seasons and also originally starred Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty, and Rue McClanahan.

“I am so extremely excited to go back to work on what I think was my crowning achievement as an actress,” said White. “I only wish that the other girls could be here to take part. They tell me that the scripts are coming along, and that they’re going to be so dark and gritty. It’s going to be a fun change!”

The reboot is still being cast, but will reportedly will take place in the same home in Miami, with White reprising her role as Rose.

“Rose was one of the most loveable characters on TV, and Golden is one of of, if not the best, written sitcoms in television history,” said CBS executive Merle Rogers. “We are extremely excited to work with Betty again, and to begin a whole new series of ‘being a friend.'”

No air date or shoot schedule has been set for the series, but Rogers did say that it’s not “entirely out of the question” to make the show grittier and more updated.

“People like their shows dark now. Back in the day, we had, for example, the comedic Batman TV series. Now we have The Dark Knight. It’s the same with TV,” said Rogers. “It’s all Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, Mad Men. Moody, dark shows. That’s what people want, so that’s what we’ll give them with this Golden Girls reboot.”

Betty White, the beloved actress who is best known as Rose on the popular 80s sitcom The Golden Girls was found not dead in her home in California on Sunday, where she celebrated her 94th birthday with friends and family.

Although often the butt of death hoaxes and pranks but internet websites, the 94-year-old entertainer was in good spirits, and was alive and well Sunday, where she ate cake and ice cream with friends, and enjoyed a beautiful California day with her family and animals.

“Oh, it’s just a great day to be alive,” said White. “It’s my birthday, I’ve got my health and all this love from my family, friends, and pets. It’s amazing to have lived this long.”

White says that she is still “going strong” and hopes to release more TV shows, and possibly a movie or two this year.

“I’ve never done a good, gritty action movie or anything like that,” said White. “Here’s hoping I can get a role in a good rough-and-tumble flick with someone like Chris Pratt. What a hunk!”

Fans of White say that it’s absolutely incredible that she has lived so long, especially after a rash of celebrity deaths this month.

“I believe she may very well live forever,” said Golden Girls megafan Jerome Myers. “I certainly hope she does!”

“Oh it’s dreadful, truly dreadful.” White revealed. “I’ve known Bill for ages, and the fact that he’s being so hounded lately, it’s really sad. I’ve known about his secret for years, as it was something that he confided in me years ago after a night spent together taping an episode of Mary Tyler Moore. I honestly thought it was a secret that would never come out, and he would take it to his grave.”

When pressed for more information about what Cosby had told her about his sexual assaults, White was taken aback, and seemed very confused.

“Wait – what? I don’t know what you mean, sexual assaults. Bill raped someone? Who? What are we talking about, here?” questioned White when the topic was brought up. It was explained to her that Cosby had recently come under serious media fire after several women, including prominent actresses and models, had come forward saying he had assaulted them.

“Oh Gosh, I don’t know anything about that. I was talking about how the time he confided in me that he never actually liked Jello Pudding Pops, and that he only did the commercials because they paid him so much,” said White. “Secretly, he was secretly a Popsicle-brand lover. I can’t believe that Bill is a sexual deviant, though. That’s such a shame.”

The legacy shredding accusations of the past couple months from hoards of women, and at least one man, claiming Cosby forced himself on them sexually, still has Americans in utter shock. Cosby has had speaking and comedy engagements cancelled, a new series indefinitely postponed, and Netflix cancelled a new stand-up special that they had planned to promote for a Thanksgiving release.

“I know now there are many people coming forward now who, sadly, didn’t get to know the Bill Cosby that I know,” said White. “The Popsicle lover. The comedian. The man behind the sweaters, so to speak. Such a shame that he’d risk everything just to get his rocks off. I guess he must not like blondes, though, because the man never once came onto me.”

In a press release from her long-time manager Jeff Witjas, it has been confirmed today that actress Betty White, best known for her roles on TVs The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Golden Girls, and Hot in Cleveland, is not a natural blonde.

“Betty is a solitary kind of person,” said Witjas. “She likes to relax in her home with her animals, and she rarely likes to discuss the fact, at least in public, that she is actually a brunette. She has been dyeing her own hair in her home for decades. Betty has often told me she feels it is relaxing and soothing to dye her own hair, peacefully in her home, where she can laugh and enjoy time with her animals. She’s said on more than one occasion that as a blonde, she has had ‘more fun’ in her roles, and in life.”

“Oh, I started dyeing it ages ago when my color started to fade away to a more whiteish, greyish color,” says White. “I thought to myself, ‘Well Betty, if you can’t have the dark color anymore, might as well try on the blonde for a while,’ and it just kind of stuck. When I played Rose on Girls, the joke about my natural hair color made it into several episodes. I’ve always had a sense of humor about it.”

Early pictures of White with her husband of almost 20 years, Allen Ludden, who died in 1981 of stomach cancer, show White as a sultry brunette with a perfect smile.

Betty White with her late husband Allen Ludden, 1968

“Oh Allen loved my dark hair, but later on, as I started to go grey and my hair lightened, he liked the blonde, too. It would be too much work to go back to that dark hair I used to have. Too much to maintain. Besides, I think a new look like that at my age might frighten my animals. They wouldn’t even recognize me!”

White can be seen on cable channel TVLand starring in the sitcom Hot In Cleveland.