Summary: Takes place just before Episode II. After years apart,Anakin and Amidala try to come to terms with their deepeningfeelings for each other as well as address their fears of possiblerejection and unrequited love. Angst~romance

Author's note: Amidala is twenty-two, Anakin is eighteen.

Her skin was softer than anything he'd ever felt before. The
gentlecurve of her cheek was warm and yielding beneath his fingertips
likethe petals of a wild desert rose.

He leaned forward and kissed her then, faintly touching his lips
toher face. Her complexion warmed to a creamy pinkish hue as hegathered her into his arms. Her body felt luxurious and he held
hertightly, delighting in her exquisite beauty and delicate feminine
grace.

"I've always loved you," he confessed and surprised himself with
thisrevelation. She had always been the center of his heart, but
he neverallowed himself to acknowledge it in this way before. The wholeidea of being in love was unnerving. Thoughts of her occupied
hismind to the point of distraction. His need to be near her was
gettingintolerable. The uncertainty he felt made him emotional andmelancholy.

But none of that mattered to him the way he knew it should. He
stilllonged to have her as his own. He believed if he could have herlove in return, the negativity would gradually lessen in the
light ofthe positive.

Being in love, his life seemed to have new meaning and purpose.The way he perceived his surroundings had changed. He noticedmore: minor details of insignificant things like the way a leaf
floatedlazily in a pool of water in the garden, the infectious sound
of thechildren laughing, or a certain color of a person's eyes. In
a way itmade him feel like a small boy again, seeing everything for the
firsttime with wide and wondrous eyes.

Anakin could still hear her small sighs in the breeze that ruffledhis hair. He could still smell her sweet perfume. He inhaled
deeply,breathing in its heady fragrance. It was all he had left of her.
Itwas all he would ever have.

"Padme'."

"Anakin!"

The young Jedi abruptly opened his eyes and saw his master,Obi-Wan Kenobi kneeling in front of him with an alarmedexpression of concern on his face.

Where was Padme'? He had been holding her only a moment ago.He glanced around quickly. He felt frightfully disoriented all
ofa sudden and struggled to pull his conscious mind up and outof the subconscious depths in which he had plummeted.

Obi-Wan took his hand. Anakin was only vaguely aware of whathis master was doing.

"Let go."

"I can't let her go. I need her. I love her," Anakin lamented.
Helooked into his master's eyes. "She wouldn't hurt me. Not if
sheloves me." His tone was unsure and questioning, as if he washoping his master would confirm what he was saying.

Confused, Anakin relaxed his grip, unaware that he had even beenholding anything. Pain suddenly seized his hand and he looked
down.

"What?" he gasped, seeing blood trickling in thin streams downhis wrists. He was holding the mangled remains of what once hadbeen a rose blossum.

Obi-Wan carefully peeled the thorny stem from his padawan's graspand tossed it aside. He examined Anakin's hand with a criticaleye and began picking bits of thorns from his fingers.

"Ow!" Anakin winced and tried to pull his hand away. Obi-Wanglared up at him and pulled it back.

"You've cut yourself badly," Obi-Wan told him. "You're going tohave to go to the clinic and get this cleaned up."

Anakin looked dazed. "She hurt me," he muttered.

"Who?"

"Padme'."

Obi-Wan glanced up. "The rose hurt you, Anakin," he countered.He lifted the hem of Anakin's cloak and pressed it gently into
hispalm to stop the bleeding. "And it wouldn't have hurt you if
youhadn't crushed it so brutally."

A chilling awareness suddenly came over Anakin. He lookeddown at the mangled blossum on the ground. Just like Padme',he had suffocated the rose by his overwhelming need to possessit. He had taken away its beauty by holding it too tightly. He
hadkilled everything about it that made it so attractive to him
in thefirst place: its color, texture, fragrance, and form. He hadloved it because it was wild and beautiful and alive. "It was
awarning. If I love her, she'll die." He shivered slightly.

Obi-Wan rose, pulling Anakin to his feet. "What are you talkingabout? You're not making any sense at all."

Anakin closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "It makes perfect sense."

"Only to you, Padawan," Obi-Wan said quietly. He took Anakin'shead in his hands and looked into his eyes.

Annoyed, Anakin shook him off. "What...what are you doing?"

"I was checking to see if your pupils were dilated," he informed."It's possible you may have a concussion. I heard all about yourlittle altercation this morning in the training room. I was approachedby Master Yoda as soon as I walked in the Temple this afternoon."

"I don't have a concussion," Anakin told Obi-Wan and frowned.The morning's events were beginning to come back to him.

Obi-Wan released him and stepped back with an exasperated sigh.

"Well, that's a relief. Maybe you would care to explain yourselfif what you've been spouting isn't the irrational thought processes
ofsomeone who was recently brained with a chair, hmm?"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "I was meditating. Just like Master Yoda
toldme to do and I had a vision. It was a little disturbing. That's
all."

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "Are you all right, really?"

Anakin swallowed his anger and nodded slowly. "I was going to
goto the clinic but I came here instead to cool off a little. I
beganmeditating. At first on my failure to maintain control this morning.But that was only fueling my anger. Then I started thinking ofPadme'. Thinking of her always soothes me, it seems. She's myshelter, my sanctuary." He closed his eyes wearily for a second."I'm all right. Well, except for my hand."

Obi-Wan gestured at the garden path. "Come on. Let's get you tothe clinic." He lead Anakin past the treeline and down the path
tothe lower level of the garden.

Anakin followed in silence. A heavy sadness settled over his heart.

Obi-Wan looked over at his apprentice. He was the portrait ofdejection.

"I'd like to hear from you what happened this morning," he begancautiously. "It's not like you to react in anger the way you
did today.I know the others bait you, but before you seemed to be able
tohandle it. Lately, you have been letting your temper get the
bestof you."

Anakin refused to meet Obi-Wan's eyes. "Somehow, they foundout about my plans for this evening and made some off-coloredremarks. I reacted foolishly. One thing led to another. Beforelong I had a full scale war on my hands." He peered up at hismaster expectantly but Obi-Wan remained silent with a pensiveexpression. Anakin sighed. "I'm sorry. Next time, I'll try harderto just walk away from their taunts. Just like I've walked awayfrom them a thousand times before." He stopped and focusedhis attention on another rose. He reached out and tenderlycaressed its white petals.

Obi-Wan gazed at his padawan searchingly. "Don't you realize thatthe only reason they bait you is to get you to react in anger?
It isa way for them to confirm their jaded opinions of you. And youplay right into their schemes, Anakin. You should know that bynow."

Anakin shrugged. "I know. What else do you want me to say,Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan lowered his eyes. He could feel Anakin's sadness. Hissense of rejection went beyond his peers here at the Temple.
Hefelt a rejection tinged with a fear of loss. At first he thought
it maybe Anakin's fear of not fulfilling his dream of becoming a Jedi,
butit ran even deeper than that. It was closer to his heart. It
was a fearof losing something his very soul fed off of.

Anakin seemed entranced by the rose. His expression was passive,but slightly dispirited. His eyes were unseeing and he seemed
tobe brooding.

It occurred to Obi-Wan then. Anakin had fallen in love. AndObi-Wan had a pretty good idea of who it was that Anakin wasin love with. Over the years, his boyhood crush had evolved intosomething deeper and more complex. Obi-Wan wondered ifAnakin was aware how his feelings had changed regarding her.

Obi-Wan turned and started back down the path. "So, tell me aboutyour vision. You mentioned Padme'..."

Anakin looked over at Obi-Wan and blinked in surprise at thesudden change in topic. He started after him with a heavy sigh.

"I'd really rather not."

Obi-Wan frowned. "Perhaps I could help you interpret it."

Anakin shook his head. "No, I know what it meant. I don't wantto talk about it. It was somewhat personal."

Obi-Wan raised his brow. "Personal in what way?"

Anakin narrowed his eyes in irritation. "Never mind."

"But maybe it's something we need to address," Obi-Wan pressed.

Anakin stopped walking again and put his hands on his hips."You just don't give up do you? All right, it was about Padme'.I was thinking about her--fantasizing, if you will, about her.Metaphorically as a rose."

Obi-Wan found himself momentarily at a loss for words. Hestopped and faced Anakin. "Why should that upset you--"

"You said she hurt you. How?" he continued, his expression growingsolemn with concern.

Anakin slowed his pace and glanced over at Obi-Wan. He heldup his hand and flexed his stiff fingers. "As a rose, she did
hurt me."He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. My vision was veryethereal and romantic at first. It was as if the rose I had been
holdingbecame her. She was becoming more beautiful as I loved her. Likea rose opening to the sun." He paused and took a deep breath."But she wouldn't say she loved me. Then she disappeared.Everything had been beautiful until I admitted I loved her. I
was leftwith nothing...but a bruised rose and a bloody hand." He shruggedit off suddenly. "All nonsense, really. She wouldn't hurt me.
She'sa friend. She's just a good friend." He cleared his throat andoffered Obi-Wan an unconvincing smile.

Obi-Wan stroked his beard thoughtfully. "You didn't believe it
wasnonsense before. It doesn't sound like nonsense to me. I thinkyour subconscious was trying to tell you something, but I think
yourinterpretation of this vision is a little fatalistic. Something
aboutloving her frightens you. That much is clear. Maybe you reallydidn't want to hear her say she loved you. It may be that youare afraid her love will make you vulnerable. But you have torealize that is what loving someone is. Love is learning to trusteach other enough to rise above your fear of being vulnerable.
Itmay be a difficult thing to do at first, but in time, you'll
come tofind that being vulnerable doesn't matter as much as your feelingsfor each other. The real question is why is this surfacing now?Maybe your date with Her Highness tonight has brought your truehidden feelings to light."

Anakin shook his head. "I love her as a friend," he persisted.
"Myfeelings for her haven't changed just because she and I are older."

"You're lying to yourself," Obi-Wan shot back. "If you won't evenacknowledge what you're feeling, how are you proposing to dealwith it?"

Anakin was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. His hand wasthrobbing along with his head and Obi-Wan was trying what littleremained of his patience. Right now, he just wanted to get to
theclinic and away from his master's tenacious inquisition.

"There's nothing to acknowledge," Anakin replied.

Obi-Wan sighed heavily. He placed his hand reassuringly on hisapprentice's shoulder. "Are you nervous about tonight? Is thatwhy you're so sensitive?"

Anakin licked his lips apprehensively. "I wouldn't say I'm nervous.I'm looking forward to seeing her again. It's been four years.
Andit's not a 'date'. I am just accompanying her to dinner."

"Her Highness just might be expecting a little more than that
fromyou tonight. Like you said, it's been four years. You two havealot of catching up to do," Obi-Wan pointed out.

"And what are your expectations of this evening?" the older Jedicontinued. "Have you considered the possibility that she won't
liveup to your fantasy images?" Anakin remained silent. "She may
beflawed and feebly human, just like you. Can you love someone
likethat?"

"You may discover that despite your feelings for her, she may
onlybe able to give you a token amount of affection in return. What
ifyou find out she met someone? It's been four years, Anakin. Whatif she only accepted your invitation out of obligation? She and
herpeople are indebted to you. How could she refuse you? These arevery real possibilities. How will you handle such revelations?"
Hepaused and looked hard at his apprentice. "That's why I think
youneed to come to terms with your feelings before you see her tonight."

"Stop," Anakin growled. He glared at his master, his heartpounding forcefully inside him. He couldn't bear to hear anymore.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Anakin, I can feel your fear."

Anakin held up his hand to silence him. He took a deep steadyingbreath.

"I am not afraid of possibilities," he whispered, his voice voidof emotion."Even if what you said has come to pass, than whatbusiness is it of mine? I have no claim to her."

Obi-Wan knew when to back down. He raised his hands in agesture of capitulation. "Fine," he said tersely. "It's your
life,Anakin. I'll leave you to it."

"Thank you," Anakin quipped. He spied the lift which led to the
upperlevels of the Temple and quickened his pace. Reaching it, he
jabbedthe door release and quickly punched the level number for the
clinic.

Obi-Wan turned to leave him, feeling the need to meditate in thegardens himself now.

The door to the lift opened and Anakin stepped inside. He watchedObi-Wan's eager retreat and felt unexpectedly alienated. He knew
theonly reason Obi-Wan irritated him so much was because Obi-Wanwas usually right, and more importantly, he freely dispensed
his worldlywisdom to Anakin because he cared about him.

"Master?"

Obi-Wan turned slowly. "Yes?"

Anakin sighed heavily. "Don't worry so much. I'll be all right.No matter what happens tonight. I can handle it."

Obi-Wan felt terribly old suddenly. He dragged his hand throughhis long hair and summoned a reassuring smile. Anakin was right.His padawan was all grown up now. He had to remember it wastime to let him experience life for himself and learn from it.
Hecouldn't always be there to protect him anymore; just like thismorning. And now tonight too. At times Obi-Wan missed thecherubic, hopeful child Anakin once was. Problems had seemed
somuch easier to remedy then. He gazed at the tall, handsome youngman in the elevator and was suddenly filled with pride. Anakin
wasstrong and wise and not easily deterred. He would be all right.

"Well, go take care of yourself," Obi-Wan said quietly. "And havea good evening, Padawan. I'll see you when you get back."

The queen of Naboo sat, wrapped in a bathrobe, watching withgrowing disinterest as her handmaiden sorted through her wardrobe.Sabe' stood behind her, struggling to subdue and style Amidala'slengthy and unruly locks.

"Your Highness, you must choose a gown soon," Sabe' urged."You are not only running out of time, you are running out ofoptions as well."

Amidala made a face. She fought the urge to gnaw her nails. Herinsides fluttered everytime she thought about what she proposed
todo tonight. She thought of Anakin. What was he doing right now?What was he thinking? Her stomach sank and she felt her couragewane. Maybe it was too soon to tell him. Maybe she would endup making a complete fool of herself. What if he had a girlfriend?Another Jedi perhaps; some pretty young thing from the Templewhom he would have alot more in common with than some prissyblue-blood half a galaxy away. He had never mentioned anybodyto her in his correspondence, but then why would he? She had
noright to oversee his private, personal life.

"I don't think I can go through with this tonight," Amidala admitted.Sabe' and Eirtae' exchanged concerned looks.

"You're not ill, are you, Your Majesty?" Eirtae' asked.

Amidala shook her head.

"Shall we contact the Jedi Temple and have them tell AnakinSkywalker that you aren't up to going out this evening?" Sabe'offered. "Eirtae' can call the Chancellor's secretaries."

"No, no. You don't understand," Amidala stated. How couldshe explain it to them? She gestured at the assortment of formalgowns and hair accessories. "I can't do 'that'. It won't feel
right."

Sabe' and Eirtae' exchanged endearingly confused looks.

Amidala smiled. "Look, I need to speak with Anakin aboutsomething very personal and important. If I package myself behindlayers of face paint and a towering headdress, it won't come
acrossthe way I need it to." She looked up at Sabe'. "I'm going out
as ahandmaiden tonight. You get dressed as the queen. The yellowgown. Hurry."

Sabe' looked at her as if she had lost her senses. "Your Highness,do you really believe that's wise? Anakin Skywalker is expecting
toescort you, not me as you. It would be...impolite to say the
least."

"How can I make you understand? I can't spend tonightat some stuffy diplomatic dinner at the Chancellor's castle with
meall coifed and corsetted as Her Royal Highness and bind Anakin'sconversations to a code of propriety and etiquette. If I'm Padme'I can be free to be with him as myself and not the queen of Naboo."

Sabe' shrugged. "If that's what you wish, Your Highness, of courseI will abide by it, but may I point out, it will be somewhat
awkwardat the banquet to have the queen's escort keeping company withher handmaiden."

Amidala shook her head. "No, Anakin must not know who I am.Not at first anyway. Not until I know how he feels about me.
I'mnot about to proclaim my innermost feelings if he still thinks
of me ashis childhood pal."

Eirtae' studied the yellow gown Amidala had chosen and frowned."Your Majesty, you are taking a considerable risk."

"I'm merely being cautious," Amidala replied.

Sabe' came around the chair and into Amidala's line of vision.
"YourHighness, surely Anakin will know it is me."

Amidala shook her head. "Not necessarily. We haven't seen eachother in four years. I'm sure any subtle changes in my appearance
henotices, he'll put down to the passing of time. We'll overdo
yourmakeup and hair. You'll be unrecognizable. The Chancellor won'teven realize you're not me. I'll keep my face hidden under the
hoodof my cloak as your handmaiden. It will work. It has to."

Sabe' looked skeptical. Amidala pulled off her robe and grabbedthe bright orange handmaiden's gown that Sabe' was going to wear.Eirtae' reluctantly helped her into it. She tucked her long hair
insidethe cloak and adjusted the hood. Then she faced Sabe'.

"Your Highness," Sabe' said with a resigned sigh, "Regardless
ofhow Anakin feels about you, he will no doubt be somewhat 'vexed'to say the least, when he learns of our deception."

Amidala took a deep steadying breath. "Oh, no doubt. 'Vexed' tosay the least. But I'm hoping his wounded pride won't deafen
himto what I have to say."

Eirtae' brought the yellow gown over to Sabe' and she andAmidala helped her into it.

Sabe' busied herself applying the thick white makeup as Amidalaand Eirtae' began wrapping and braiding her hair around theelaborate headpiece that matched the gown.

"Remember," Amidala was saying, "I'll need your help to getAnakin to open up a little. Ask him questions. Try to get himto talk about things we have in common."

"Your Highness, I don't know what you two have in common.What kind of things should I ask him?" Sabe' inquired. "I hardlyknow Anakin. I know his master better. At least I've spent timewith him."

Amidala frowned. "Certainly you can think of something Anakinand I have in common." She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.Eirtae' was right. She was taking an awful risk but hopefullythe ends would justify the means.

Amidala thought back to the last holographic transmissionAnakin had sent her a month ago. He had bowed and then beganreciting a limerick about a Gungan waterfowl. He was unwittinglycharming and adorably coy. He had become the heartbreakershe always knew he would be. Maybe the one who would breakher own heart.

********

Anakin followed the golden protocol droid to the fifth level of
thesenatorial guest quarters where Amidala and her entourage werestaying while on Coruscant.

He waited outside the royal apartments while the guard informedthe queen that her escort had arrived. He smoothed down the frontof his dress shirt and adjusted the formal black cloak draped
overhis shoulders with an impatient sigh.

The guard came out and told him to wait inside. Anakin's heartbegan racing and he took several deep calming breaths beforeopening the door. He tried to summon the Force to maintainhis emotions, but it evaded him. He couldn't concentrate knowingshe was on the other side of the door.

Once inside, Anakin found himself alone in an entryway. Hecleared his throat and looked around hopefully.

One of Amidala's handmaidens suddenly appeared. She stoodlooking at him for a long time before saying anything.

Disguised as a handmaiden, Amidala was trying hard not to stare,but she could hardly believe Anakin was actually standing in
frontof her. He wasn't a hologram. Tonight, he was real. It tookeverything she had to keep from running to him and throwing herarms around him. He looked even better in person: tall and athleticand dashingly handsome. She took a deep steadying breath andcleared her throat.

"Good evening, Anakin," she greeted, in a slightly accented voice."Her Majesty will be with you shortly. Please make yourselfcomfortable." She gestured at a chair inside the parlor.

Anakin shook his head. "If it's all the same to you, I'd reallyrather stand," he said and forced a smile. He thought he heardthe young woman sigh softly. He stepped closer to her andtried to get a good look at her but the cowl and hood of hercloak were shadowing her features too heavily. He thought shelooked familiar but he couldn't recall her name even though hehad met all of Amidala's handmaidens at one time or another.They were so similar in appearance it was hard to tell them apart.

"Very well," she said. "Her Highness is aware that you are waiting.It shouldn't be much longer. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll offer
hermy assistance."

The handmaiden scurried off into one of the back rooms anddisappeared.

Anakin frowned and fidgeted slightly, tugging at the collar of
hisshirt. The queen obviously was in no hurry to renew theiracquaintance.

Minutes passed and Anakin began pacing. Finally he sought outthe chair in the parlor and sat on the edge. He waited a littlelonger, his eyes fixed on the closed door. After awhile, he settledback and closed his eyes, trying to get some semblance ofcontrol over his nerves.

"Forgive me, Anakin, for keeping you waiting like this," HerHighness said as she suddenly glided into the room followedby two of her handmaidens. They bustled around her adjustingher gown and hair until Her Highness shooed them away. Shegazed down at the restless figure in the chair.

Anakin's heart skipped a beat upon hearing her voice. He slowlysat forward and looked up.

A vision of stunning beauty more dazzling than the twin suns ofTatooine stood before him. Her gown was the color of a goldensunset with pale pink and lavender hues. Her long hair was plaitedaround a spray of yellow and white flowers in a golden headbandthat looked like the rippling rays of solar flares. She didn't
seemreal, almost. The way she looked reminded Anakin of an artscuplture; if one ever decided to come to life as a woman. Theeffort she and her handmaidens had put into this evening's regaliahad definitely been time consuming and he sincerely hoped theyhadn't gone to so much trouble because of him. He thought shelooked even more beautiful when she was Padme'.

"How nice to see you again," Her Highness continued.

Anakin shot to his feet, suddenly remembering his manners,and bowed.

"Your Highness, the pleasure is mine," he breathed. Cautiously
helooked up into her eyes, straightened and waited. He wasn't exactlysure what to do next. He didn't know if it was proper for him
toaddress her without first being spoken to or even continue lookingat her the way he was.

She seemed reluctant to approach him as well. They stoodstaring at each other across the expanse of an invisible barrier,neither one willing to make the first move.

Finally, one of the handmaiden's stepped forward. "Your Majesty,we need to leave now if we are to arrive at the banquet in a
timelymanner. The transport is waiting."

Her Highness momentarily turned away from Anakin and lookedover at her handmaiden. "Yes, of course, Eirtae'." She faced
theyoung Jedi again and extended her hand.

Anakin's heart began thudding heavily inside his chest. Hecourteously stepped towards her and offered her his arm. Hewould have rather held her hand, but decided that would be tooinformal. At least they would be touching.

She swept up the skirts of her gown in one hand and casuallyslipped the other around his elbow. He expected her touch tobe raw electricity to him. He drew in a sharp breath ofanticipation, but strangely he could only feel the heat of her
handthrough his sleeve.

"If I may say, you look lovely this evening, Your Highness," Anakinstated.

"Why thank you, Anakin," she replied graciously.

Concealed beneath the hood of her cloak, Amidala, the handmaiden,frowned. Anakin was being the perfect gentleman, she thought,
buthe was also being distant and overly formal. That wasn't a good
sign.Maybe he already suspected something. Then again, maybe hewas just nervous.

"Anakin, you look very nice this evening as well," the unfamiliarhandmaiden, the one who had greeted him in the entryway,said unexpectedly.

Anakin turned to look at her and smiled. Her simple complimentmade him feel pleasantly warm inside and he wondered if he wasblushing.

"Thank you, Milady," Anakin told her. He gazed at her, unable
totake his eyes off her for the longest time. Though her face wasshadowed, Anakin could feel the weight of her stare.

The queen gently cleared her throat. "We must be going," she saidcarefully and smiled.

Anakin faced the queen, hoping she would say more, butshe fixed her eyes forward and remained silent all the way to
thetransport. He was disheartened further when he realized she wastaking her two handmaidens with her to the banquet.

Once inside the transport, the queen seated herself across fromAnakin flanked by her handmaidens. Anakin forced a smile.

"Your Highness," he began, "I beg your pardon, but certainly youwon't require these ladies to accompany us to the banquet thisevening? You are being escorted by a Jedi, after all." He hopedthat sounded tactful.

Her Highness smiled benevolently. "I'm sorry to have to requiretheir company even on a night of festivity such as this, but
I do.Certainly you don't object?"

Anakin swallowed uncomfortably. He spoke directly to the twohandmaidens. "Not at all. I meant no offense, to you, Eirtae'
or...."

"None taken," said the unfamiliar handmaiden.

Anakin peered over at her. There was something peculiar about
her.Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was more of
asensation than anything else. A tremor in the Force. A gentle
tingle.It seemed to occur whenever she addressed him. Whenever heknew she was looking at him. Experimenting, he purposefullyaddressed Eirtae'.

"Milady, I hope you were not insulted?"

Eirtae' grinned. "Of course not, Anakin. And don't worry. Thedeciding factor for our presence here tonight was not based onwhether or not you would behave like a gentleman. Or a Jedi."

Her Highness fought a smile. She glanced at Eirtae, sharing someprivate inside humor with her.

Embarrassed and caught off guard, Anakin sunk deeper into hisseat and lowered his eyes.

He suddenly recalled the whole purpose of speaking to Eirtae andsat up again, intrigued by the lack of sensation he felt. It
wasn'tanything like what he felt towards Her Highness' other handmaiden.Even Her Highness wasn't provoking the intense feelings in him
he hadanticipated. He gazed up at the queen.

Beautiful beyond words, but empty, he suddenly realized. She wasvoid of any intimate feelings for him. He concentrated hard,
but hecouldn't feel anything more than a slight physical attraction.
Hecouldn't even feel friendly affection, yet he knew without a
doubtthey were the best of friends. They had been for years.

"Please tell me, how is Obi-Wan these days?" Her Highness asked."I miss him."

Anakin felt an inexplicable jolt of jealousy sizzle through him.
Nowhe felt something stir in her. He felt her sudden enthusiasm
and hersincere curiosity. He struggled to keep his voice neutral.

"Obi-Wan is....just fine," he began in a quietly measured tone.
"I'llbe sure to tell him you asked about him."

"Other obligations," Anakin said, stressing the latter word, almosthoping to insult her. Anakin took a deep calming breath. He had
tokeep his emotions in check. He couldn't be so thin-skinned aroundher. When she asked about Obi-Wan, she was more than likelyjust being polite. He knew she and Obi-Wan were friends as well,but that didn't explain why the mere mention of his master's
namecaused more of an emotional reaction in her than seeing him afterfour years.

Anakin felt thoroughly miserable. Sometime during the past fouryears, he had lost her. He had lost her so entirely, his heart
seemedto know it before his head. Despite the lack of feeling he sensedfrom her, he had clung to the remote possibility that she was
justbeing respectably royal. He thought maybe if they could be alonesometime together, she would open up to him and not worry somuch about appearances and propriety. But now, he realized, byagreeing to go out with him tonight, she was probably only beingpolite to him--tolerating him out of some distorted sense ofobligation, just like Obi-Wan had said.

Anakin reached up and dragged his hand through his hair inagitation.

The handmaiden sitting across from him gasped sharply, startlinghim. She boldly seized his hand and cradled it between both ofhers.

"Gracious, what have you done to your hand?" she demanded,examining the bandages closely.

Anakin was momentarily at a loss for words. "It's nothing," hemanaged. "It will be healed by morning."

"Mmm, it does looks a little swollen," the queen noted. "Andbadly bruised."

Anakin nodded, too confused by what he was feeling toacknowledge her any further. He stared, fascinated, at the figureof the little handmaiden holding his hand. She caressed his sorefingers with delicate care. The alarm and concern he felt fromher was beyond reason.

"How did you injure it?" she asked. "Was it on a mission? Ortraining perhaps?"

Anakin focused all his attention on her. He wished he could seeher face. If he could look into her eyes....

"No, nothing as dramatic as that," he told her softly. "It was
arose, actually. I pulled a blossom from the bushes in the Templegardens this morning." Anakin could see her smile pierce throughthe shadows of her hood.

"That wasn't exactly smart was it? Don't you know for all theirbeauty, roses have thorns?" she teased.

"They are deceptively beautiful, thus all the more beguiling,"
hetold her in a low voice. "And I wasn't feeling very smart atthe time. I was feeling lonely and romantic." He squeezed herhand slightly. Her smile abruptly disappeared and she quicklyreleased him.

His hand felt cold and empty without her warm grasp. He tuckedit into the folds of his cape. He was more confused by what HE
wasfeeling now. This handmaiden was stirring his heart more than
HerHighness had all night. He had heard of falling in love on arebound, but this was ridiculous. Unfortunately, he couldn't
denywhat he was feeling.

Impulsively, he reached towards her and cupped her chin in his
otherhand. He wanted to see her face in the light. Her skin felt like
thepetals of the rose. He couldn't resist the urge to touch her
moreintimately. He brushed his thumb over the curve of her cheek
andsighed.

"What is your name?" he asked, but before she could say anything,the queen took ahold of his wrist and all but pulled his hand
away.

Anakin looked over at her curiously. The urgency of her tone hinteddispleasure. He wondered if the extra attention he had given
herhandmaiden had disturbed her. Did she think he had been flirtingwith her? It seemed no matter what he did or said tonight it
waswrong. He cleared his throat and shot the queen an apologeticexpression. "Of course, Your Highness."

The transport came to a stop in front of the Chancellor's opulentpalace. The doors were opened by robot footmen who reached into help the handmaidens exit. Anakin climbed out next. He tookthe queen's hand and guided her out. They followed the robots
upto the enormous double-doors which opened to the palace vestibule.They made their way down the receiving line and then into the
lesserhall for cocktails and appetizers.

Anakin watched Her Highness from a short distance away as she
andher handmaidens mingled with the other dinner guests.

What was wrong with him? Why was he so confused? Maybe hedid have a concussion after all. This was the same woman whohad been his friend for eight years. She was the same one whosent him poetry and music in her correspondences. She was thesame one who asked his opinion of new gowns she'd acquiredand went into a rapturous soliloquy describing the sunset over
thewaterfalls. She was the woman he loved. How could he not feelthe love he knew he had for her?

She was the epitome of grace and exceptional beauty. She waspoised to perfection. She was everything someone of her statureshould be. Anakin could see why as a child he had fallen head
overheels for her. He had never met a girl like her before. She wasso elegant and regal. Even as Padme'.

It hit him then, an unexpected occurance so fast and hard, itreminded him of how he had felt when the chair collided with
hishead this morning. His eyes sought out the handmaidens. Eirtae
waseasy to recognize despite the hooded cloak shadowing her face.She stayed quietly off to the side of the queen, no more remarkableor noticeable than one of the rooms fixtures. But the other woman.She was right by the queen's side, looking around and taking
stockof her surroundings. She seemed to stand a little straighter,
movemore fluidly. She had presence. Just as much presence as thequeen, if not more. Suddenly Anakin could not take his eyes offher. She had intrigued him all evening and now he knew why.

They had switched. Amidala was disguised as Padme'. Sabe' wasdisguised as the queen. This wasn't really anything unusual for
themto do. He knew it was a defensive measure. Amidala and Sabe'had the routine down to perfection. Almost.

Anakin felt a surge of emotions surface and quickly grabbed acocktail drink off a passing service tray. He downed it in one
gulp.

Why would she want to deceive him like this? And tonight, oneof the few times they could truly be together? If everything
Anakinhad sensed in Amidala was true, it didn't make sense for her
to hidefrom him in this way.

Anakin's mind raced. He started towards Amidala but stopped.No, he didn't want to confront her until he understood her motives.He would talk to Sabe' first.

Sabe' was talking to Amidala but Anakin was too far away to hearwhat they were saying. He stalked over to wherethey stood, bringing their conversation to an abrupt halt upon
hisarrival.

"Ladies, if you'll excuse us," he began, "I need to talk to HerHighness in private." He took ahold of Sabe' 's arm and ushered
herout of the as the 'handmaidens' stood gaping after them.

He knew this castle well. He'd spent alot of time here as a guestof the Chancellor's and was familiar with its more secluded passages.He led Sabe' down towards the back of the castle almost to theopposite side, to one of his favorite rooms, well away from theother guests in the great and lesser halls.

"Anakin Skywalker, would you please explain this impromptu tourof the Chancellor's palace?" Sabe' demanded breathlessly, oncethey had stopped. She glanced around and took in the affluentfurnishings and the big stone fireplace with the polished antiquemantle that dominated the large room.

Anakin walked slowly over to her. "Don't toy with me anymore,"he began. He locked his eyes on hers in a piercing gaze.

"W-What are you talking about?" the 'queen' asked and involuntarilytook a step back. Anakin looked so formidable, she kept backingup until she bumped into a wall.

Anakin followed her right up to the wall and then stood toweringover her. He stared down at her but she was having a hard timemeeting his gaze. Anakin decided to do a little deceiving of
hisown to teach them a lesson.

"Don't you realize I can feel what you feel?" Anakin asked, his
voicelow and intimidating. "I know you're deceiving yourself right
alongwith me. But I'm not going to fall for it anymore."

"Anakin, let me explain," Sabe' pleaded. She tried to slip aroundhim, but he caged her in with his arms and leaned closer to her.The blazing fire reflected in his eyes and gave him a feral look
thatSabe' found thoroughly disconcerting.

"Just admit it," he whispered and began languidly stroking theside of her face. Sabe' pushed him back.

"How dare you?" she screeched. Obviously he knew. Butwhat the hell was he doing? He was looking at her as if he wantedto devour her. But Sabe' was ready to resort to violence if hedidn't release her in two seconds.

"We're finally alone," he breathed reassuringly into her ear.
"Youdon't haveto pretend anymore, not with me. I love you, Padme',and I know you love me too. So tell me..." He paused and placedhis hands on her shoulders, then drew her up against him."Show me...."

Sabe' 's eyes grew wide. Her heart clenched in her chest. Anakindidn't know after all! He still thought she was Amidala! She
hadto go along with it; she knew the real Amidala loved Anakin.Sabe' realized she couldn't fight him off now. She couldn't evenreject him. It would destroy Amidala's chances with him. Maybeshe should just tell him that she was not the queen. But thenAmidala's words echoed in her head. Under no circumstances,she had said. Damn and blast! Where was Amidala?

She looked up into his eyes and tried to calm herself. "Anakin,
I...Ilove you too," she said shakily.

********

Amidala and Eirtae' raced down one passage after another. Anakinhad all but disappeared with Sabe'.

"This spider's nest of a castle has more twists and turns in it
than amaze!" Amidala muttered as they turned down another emptypassage.

Instead of following her, Amidala stopped and leaned heavilyagainst the stone wall.

"I just don't understand," Amidala sighed, dejectedly. "Anakinknows who I am, so why did he go off with Sabe'? Why hasn'the said anything to me yet? He knows, but he hasn't really reactedat all. It's as if he really doesn't care."

Eirtae' doubled back to Amidala. "He can't possibly know, YourMajesty. You said it yourself, if he did he would have confrontedyou with this knowledge by this time. We must hurry. I can only
thinkof one reason for him to seek out privacy and seclusion,Your
Highness."

Amidala shook her head emphatically. "No, he has to know. He'sbeen more attentive to me than he has been to Sabe'. If he reallydoesn't know who he's got with him right now, than he's a cad.
Youcould almost say he's been flirting with me. Very subtly, but
still.He touched me and spoke so tenderly to me tonight, he must know..."She paused as something heartstopping suddenly occurred to her."Oh. Oh, Eirtae. He must have feelings for me then. He musthave been trying to tell me. I should have acknowledged him.He must think I'm trying to hide from him. He's going to leavetonight either believing I don't care about him anymore, or I
am awicked, thorny rose, beguiling but deceptive."

"Your Highness, I think I hear them in this room," Eirtae' whispered,her ear against one of the metal doors. She frowned.

Amidala pulled herself off the wall and joined Eirtae' at the
door.They heard a crash as if something had been knocked over.They exchanged wary glances.

Eirtae' didn't wait for her queen's command. She hit the doorrelease and burst inside. The sight that greeted her eyes stoppedher cold.

Anakin had Sabe' bent back provocatively over a sturdy-lookingtable, their arms wrapped around each other, their lips mereinches apart. They both froze, then simultaneously turned andfaced the door.

Sabe' breathed a deep sigh of relief and pushed Anakin offher with a forceful shove.

"What wonderful timing," Sabe' proclaimed and put as muchdistance between herself and the amorous Jedi as she could manage.

Anakin didn't bother to pretend to be surprised. He merely sighedand crossed his arms over his chest, leaning his hips on the
edge ofthe table.

"Padme', what a surprise," he said tonelessly.

Amidala looked mortified. Sabe' went over to her and threw herarm over her shoulders and turned her back towards the door.

"Your Highness, before you say or do anything rash, there'ssomething I need to tell you!" Sabe' whispered loudly.

"What...Just what do you think you were doing over there?!"Amidala whispered back.

"Anakin, will you kindly excuse us," Eirtae' addressed him. "Wereally need to speak with Her Majesty in private for a few moments."

Anakin straightened and started for the door. He shouldered hisway through their midst and exited without looking at any of
them.

Sabe' turned to Amidala. "Your Highness, Anakin brought me inhere to proclaim his love for me...for YOU! I thought hewas going to beat a confession out of me at first, but then hestarted whispering in my ear and telling me not to pretend anymore.What could I do? I had to let him think I was you."

Amidala shook her head. "But I'm telling you he knew long beforenow. You saw the way he looked when he saw me. He wasn'tstartled in the least."

Eirtae' sighed heavily. "Regardless, you will need to talk to
himnow, Your Majesty. You will need to explain if you want tosalvage any of this evening."

"Salvage my life and future would be more like it," Amidalagrumbled. She gestured at the door. "Please send him back inand you," she gestured at Sabe', "go back to the dining hall
andbe the Queen of Naboo. I'm Padme' for the rest of the night.With or without, Anakin."

Eirtae' and Sabe' left. Amidala belatedly tried to hastily combthrough her wild hair with her fingers. She licked her lips andwiped her watering eyes, then took a deep breath.

She turned around at the sound of the door. Anakin walked inslowly and sat down without waiting for her to say anything.
Herefused to look at her and fixed his eyes on the crackling fire
blazingin the cavernous fireplace across the room. Amidala came towardshim.

"I know you knew Sabe' was not me when you brought herhere. What were you trying to do...going after her like that?"

Anakin snorted in disdain. "I was trying to get a confession outof her," he growled. "I wanted answers, damnit! Something tohelp me comprehend what could possibly have motivated you todo something like this tonight. Her loyalty is rather commendable.She wouldn't tell me anything. She knew I was about to makelove to her on that table and yet she still maintained her role
asyou, emitting the occasional sigh and moan for goodmeasure. Well, she was either being loyal to Your Majesty, ortreacherous. You'll have to sort that out with her later."

Amidala looked incensed. She glared at the closed door throughwhich her handmaiden had exited. She took a deep calming breath.She knew Sabe' would never betray her in that way. Besides, Sabe'had a crush on Obi-Wan. She always had. Amidala turned andfaced Anakin again. "And just how far would you have gone toobtain your confession?"

"To the very end if I had to," he snapped. "I'll have to sharpenmy interrogation skills so I won't have to go so far next time."

Amidala stared hard at him. She wished he would look at her.She wanted to see the truth in his eyes. "Would you have, really?"

Anakin slowly shook his head. "No. It pains me to think youbelieve that I would actually do such a thing."

Amidala swallowed down the lump forming in her throat.

"So when did you realize Sabe' was acting as me?" she askedhim, quietly.

Anakin sighed. "Shortly after we arrived at the palace." Hekept his eyes resolutely off of her. He could do this if he didn'tlook into her eyes. He could proclaim his indignation and walkout of her life forever. He would never have to worry abouthis love destroying her. She would be safe from him. She wouldlive on, beautiful and free, just like a wild rose. And he would
goon too. He would learn to live without her. He would have to.

Amidala frowned. "Anakin, you knew who I was back inthe transport, didn't you? The way you looked at me. And theway you touched me. You squeezed my hand."

"No," he persisted, his voice growing softer. "I only squeezedyour hand because you had been kind to me. You showedconcern for me. I could feel something peculiar about you.I sensed the emotions you were projecting. I didn't understandwhy. Here I didn't even know your name, but I could feel howmuch you seemed to care for me. I didn't sense anything like
thatfrom 'the queen'. I couldn't understand why my best friendhadn't maintained a shred of affection for me after only four
years.But what was even more disturbing was that I didn't feel anythingfor her either. Yet I knew I loved you with all my heart."

Amidala's heart lept. She placed her hand over it to make sure
itwas still beating.

She stood directly in front of him now and Anakin longed to gaze
upat her and drink in her beauty. Her presence called to him like
asirensong. He turned his eyes on her then and slowly stood up.
Shewas even more beautiful than he had ever imagined. Her large
browneyes were like pools of warmth and light, beckoning him to comeand drown himself in their depths. When he looked at her, he
stillsaw the same face he had mistaken for an angel from the moons
ofIego eight years ago. His heart twisted inside him with pain
andhe steeled himself against the spell her beauty was casting over
him.

"Actually, I really must thank you for what you and your friendshave done tonight. You have made what I'm about to do mucheasier," Anakin pronounced.

Amidala looked startled. "What is it that are you about to do?"

Taking a steadying breath, Anakin reached over and pushedAmidala's long hair from her shoulder. "To tell you that you
areno longer my friend and you will never be my lover." He drew
hercloser to him and she seemed to melt in his arms. She gazed upat him, her lips parted invitingly, willing him to capture her
mouthwith his, and ready to surrender herself trustingly to him if
he asked.He looked down at her, his resolve weakening with every passingsecond. He suddenly released her and stepped back, summoninghis dissipating anger to the forefront of his mind to support
hisconviction.

"Anakin, don't push me away. I love you too," Amidala stated.

"How strangely you choose to demonstrate that love, my angel,"Anakin replied coldly. "How could you mistreat me like that?I was so confused and hurt and actually jealous when I believed
youhad inquired about Obi-Wan. All this time, I had been hoping--clinging to my adoration for you as the only constant in my rathertumultuous existence. If you would have told me you loved mebefore...there would have been no end to my happiness. All thedreams I ever dreamed would have become a reality tonight."Anakin paused and lowered his eyes again. "I was watching youfrom across the hall. There you were, dressed as a handmaiden,but you carried yourself with such stature and poise. It made
methink of Padme'. And then I knew." Anakin struggled to keepfrom looking at her again, but he longed to hold her just one
moretime. She felt so perfect in his arms and when he looked at her
face,everything else around him dissolved away.

Anakin sighed. He had to do this. He had to be strong. He clearedhis mind of all thoughts and concentrated on his intent. Once
he hadmanaged to block his weakness for her from his mind, he continued.

"Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm very weary of all this. I'm certainyour handmaidens will see you safely to your apartments.I'm going back to the Temple now. Goodnight...Padme'."

Anakin glared at her. "Don't tell me you did this for my benefit,Your Highness."

"I did! I knew as Padme' I could come and go tonight as I pleased.I knew we could go off together and...leave the rest of the worldbehind. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was queen!"

Anakin pulled from her grasp. His face was like a storm cloud."And just when were you planning to unveil yourself? Certainlynot until after I had made a complete and utter fool of myself."

Amidala shook her head, her long dark hair dancing around herface. "I was afraid," she told him. "I was trying to spare myfeelings. I knew how I felt towards you, that I was in love,but I couldn't allow myself to tell you until I knew how you
feltabout me." She paused and took a deep breath. "Sabe' wassupposed to ask you things. About your feelings. I guess it waswrong of me to expect her to ask you personal things."

Anakin still glowered at Amidala but asked, "When did you knowyou were in love with me?"

Amidala smiled sadly. "A few years ago." She reached uptentatively and touched his face. "But you never said anythingin your correspondence that even hinted at your true feelings.I didn't want to get my hopes up."

"True feelings,"Anakin murmured and took her hand in his. He tenderlykissed her fingertips. "Don't you remember," he whispered. "I
toldyou I wanted to marry you the day I met you."

Amidala laughed. "Well, you were just ten. You hadn't met awhole lot of girls then if I recall."

Anakin smiled. "But I knew. Even then, I knew," he informed her."There would never be anyone else for me." Anakin reached forher and she drifted to him, wrapping her arms around him in a
tighthug. He hugged her back, burying his face in her luxurious hair.He couldn't do it. He couldn't let her go. His love for her was
toopowerful and he knew his heart was hers.

"Anakin, forgive me! I never, never wanted to hurt you. You mustbelieve me," Amidala whispered. "I'm nothing but a coward. Itwas an ignorant thing to do."

Anakin pulled back from her far enough to look into her eyes.
Hecradled her head in his hands and tilted her face up. The light
fromthe fireplace blazed over her flawless skin turning it an ethereal
white.It reminded him again of his vision and he recalled the bruised
whitepetals of the rose he had crushed.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me," he sighed. "I can feel theemotions in your heart. You really are in love with me, aren'tyou?"

Amidala nodded slowly. "Very much so."

"I'm a coward as well. I had a vision today," Anakin began,his voice sad and distant. "It was something clearly ominous.It told me my love for you would only destroy you. You triedto save yourself by not loving me in return. You purposefullyhurt me to try to live, but in the end, I had overpowered you."Anakin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I was afraidto love you after that. I was afraid to let you love me."

Amidala reached for his hands and lifted them to her face, kissingeach one in turn.

"It was the rose, wasn't it? The rose you picked?"

Anakin nodded. "I shouldn't be so weak. I should go off andleave you for both our sakes. But I don't think I can now. Notsince you told me you loved me too. Oh, Padme', I wanted youto love me more than anything I have ever wanted before. Howcan I turn away from my heart's dream when I have it finallywithin my grasp?"

"Fear," Anakin repeated tonelessly. "Fear leads to hate. Hateleads to suffering." He shook his head and sighed heavily. "Itconsumes me sometimes. I should be able to control it by now,but there is so much for me to be afraid of. Even love."

Amidala leaned into him and held him. "I'm not afraid," she stated.

"You never are," Anakin said and smiled. "You're either the bravestwoman I have ever known or the most foolhardy. You plunge rightinto anything regardless of the consequences. You always choose
tosort them out later. I wish I could be like that. Always ready
toseize the moment."

Amidala smiled up at him. "Well, one of us has to be sensible.
We'llbring balance to each other. It will be a perfect match." She
gesturedat the door and tugged at his hand on her way to the exit. "Come
on.We don't have to stay here. We have all of Coruscant laid outbefore us tonight. We can go anywhere. We can do anything."

"Whatever you desire. I am here to escort you, Your Highness,"Anakin said and bowed over her hand. "But first...." He straightenedand dragged her back into his arms. "I've been wanting to dothis...forever." He crossed his arms over her back, supporting
herhead with his hands. He bent her back slowly and captured hermouth with his in a devouring kiss. He felt her pulse race andher breath quicken and kissed her harder, moving his mouthsensuously over hers, increasing the pressure on her lips until
shewas laying back in his arms.

He held her body to him, marveling at her total lack of resistance.She yielded completely to the power of his love and unlike therose, she did not wither and die, she became more alive as heloved her because she loved him too.