RENEE ZELLWEGER'S BACK: No, I'm not lauding the new movie Chicago for resurrecting her career - - she's doing quite fine. But, my lord, if that movie had more shots of her unclothed back . . . you see her back in that movie about as often as you saw Elizabeth Berkeley's breasts in Showgirls, and that's saying something.

Let me dissent from all the raves that the movie is receiving, because, honestly, the movie left me more than a bit cold. The movie promotes messages that are as worn out as my t-shirt from the 1992 NCAA Men's Basketball East Regional (Duke, Kentucky, Seton Hall, UMass, and you know how that ended up) -- Fame Is Fleeting, Criminals Are Celebrities, Catherine Zeta-Jones Has A Large Booty, etc. There's just no there there; it's all style and surface.

That said, the style and surface have their moments. Director Rob Marshall has come up with a comprehensive cinematic language to integrate the songs with the rest of the scenes -- people don't just randomly burst into song; it's all in their heads, but it works. It does. And, yeah, Latifah's great and all, but I can't say I was wowed by the performances.

Not, as I kept thinking to myself, like I was with Moulin Rouge!, Baz Luhrmann's inventive, exciting, sumptuous, ecstatic, original movie musical from last year. Seriously: that was a movie. It was something you could lose yourself in, attach to emotionally, be surprised by, even thrilled by.

But Chicago? I can't think of one scene that I'd want to see again -- even the ones like Richard Gere's puppetry scene that I enjoyed. It passed through me like chicken croquettes from a diner -- yeah, sure, it was fine while it lasted, and it was a meal, but a lot of it was the gravy covering up the quality of the chicken itself, and I'd never go out of your way to have them again.

Thursday, January 2, 2003

RINGS AROUND THE RABBIT: This is one of the weirdest trivia bits I've ever seen: did you know that you can tell what year a Bugs Bunny cartoon was released just by looking at the colors of the rings around the Warner Brothers logo in the opening credits?

IT'S THE END OF THE "END OF THE YEAR" LISTS AS WE KNOW IT: Those of you who don't know me might wonder what I'm going to do with this blog once the cycle of "Best of 2002" lists has ended. Don't worry. We'll be fine.

But what makes the survey so good, as with the P&J, are the critics' comments -- snarky, insightful, provocative. Here's a sample:

Adaptation sets some kind of new standard in congratulating moviegoers for their own hip cleverness. If Jonze and Kaufman could have figured out a way to give the audience hand jobs, they would have. —CHARLES TAYLOR

Don't know why anyone was looking for rom-com chemistry in a Kafkaesque waking-dream like Punch-Drunk Love—essentially a 4D map of the depressive mind. Barry's blue suit is a hard insect casing. The tire blowout, a serotonin sunspot. The harmonium, scoffing possibility. The soundtrack, a migraine. His sisters, a swarm. The story has nothing to do with pudding and everything to do with the impossibility of returning to the womb—and the charitable sweetness that has to compensate. —LAURA SINAGRA

This year, Spielberg's output is like nothing I've seen since Godard made Two or Three Things I Know About Her and La Chinoise in the same year. Both Spielberg's films are challenging, personal, and spectacular. He has done for the commercial movie what Godard did for the art movie—made it a form of surprise, innovation, and truly moving ethics. I know this is heresy at the Voice where the staff seemingly swears to oppose anything with Spielberg's name on it, but come on guys. Remember why you started loving movies in the first place. Those reasons are all in Catch Me If You Can and Minority Report. —ARMOND WHITE

Michael Winterbottom's 24 Hour Party People was the first movie structured like a DVD bonus feature. And I mean that in a good way. The hilariously self-deprecating spectacle of Steve Coogan providing first-person running commentary as he fast-forwarded through the good bits of Tony Wilson's career seems perfectly suited for the target audience: collector-obsessed info-dweebs weaned on liner notes. —ED HALTER

Most vapid diva trip: Enough. It takes true huckster zeal to use the ads for a battered-wife melodrama to plug your latest recording, but that's just what "J to tha L-O" did with this piece of SH to the I-T. Regarding the pack of dangerous lies this movie peddled to abuse victims, how did this ever get greenlighted in good conscience? I see some Hollywood chowderhead watching Frederick Wiseman's Domestic Violence and saying, "Y'know, Fred, why don't these babes just contact their absentee millionaire fathers, hire identical look-alikes, acquire ninja skills, buy and master a zillion bucks' worth of surveillance equipment, and get a personal trainer for a month?" —JIM RIDLEY

Yes, at long last, after years of pining, thanks to Hebert's Specialty Meats (recommended by a friend who spent much time in Louisiana) eight of us gathered around the table on Tuesday night for a deboned, cajun-flavored turkey, stuffed with a duck (deboned), stuffed with a chicken (deboned), the layers themselves separated by stuffing.

Just one big, tasty ball of poultry. Sliced it up like a large loaf of bread.

And because it came already prepared (packed in a cooler, uncooked, frozen in dry ice), we didn't have to go through all the extensive prep work that would otherwise be involved -- the deboning, the stuffing, the lacing-up, etc. Just four hours in the oven, and presto.

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

A HALL-OF-FAMER IN EVERY SENSE: Thirty years ago today, baseball's Roberto Clemente died in a plane crash while attempting to bring emergency relief supplies to earthquake victims in Nicaragua. The Miami Herald remembers his remarkable legacy here.

He didn't get any argument from his wife, Deanna, and their young daughters, Brittany and Breleigh. This was one "Favre Family Night" that didn't live up to expectations.

"Halfway through, (13-year-old) Brittany had had enough," Brett recounted. "Now, we were waiting on (3-year-old) Breleigh, and, fortunately 10 minutes later, she had had enough. So, we didn't have to live through the whole thing."

As an idea, Benigni's puppet is certainly the most insanely ill-conceived movie conceit in years. It's not a puppet! Do you hear what I'm saying, Mr. Oscar Winner? Are you understanding this? It's not a puppet. It's an adult male in jammies. Who could look at this and not think, ewww, creepy. What's with that guy? If you saw him in the theater, uh, wouldn't you get a little nervous? He's a 911 call to Vice waiting to happen.

Benigni grotesquely overestimates his charm as a movie illusionist. He certainly has nothing of the great Charlie Chaplin's weightless grace, he has none of Douglas Fairbanks's acrobatic wit, he's not even as compelling a physical presence as Val Kilmer in "Batman." He just looks stupid. I can't say this enough: This movie is about an adult male dressed in pink jammies.

Disclaimers:Nothing on this weblog has been authorized by or represents the views of our employers. Any effort to impute any views expressed here to them is just plain wrong.Nothing on this blog constitutes legal advice. If you need legal advice, consult with your attorney. If your need for legal advice persists for longer than 3 hours, see a medical professional. If that medical professional screws up, seek legal advice. Viewer discretion is advised.All prices and specifications subject to change without notice.This website has been modified from its original version.It has been formatted to fit your screen.

This website may contain forward-looking statements as defined by the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. These statements present management's expectations, beliefs, plans and objectives regarding future financial performance, and assumptions or judgments concerning such performance. Any discussions contained in this website, except to the extent that they contain historical facts, are forward-looking and accordingly involve estimates, assumptions, judgments and uncertainties. There are a number of factors that could cause actual results or outcomes to differ materially from those addressed in the forward-looking statements. This website is meant for educational purposes only. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. The management has always had the right to edit or delete any comments he sees fit, and will use such right for abusive or irrelevant remarks. If you want free speech, start your own blog; this one's taken. No passes accepted for this engagement. Price does not include taxes, title, destination charges, or dealer prep. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead or otherwise is purely coincidental. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of the pictures and accounts of this website without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is encouraged.