Friday, October 23, 2009

Better Late Than...On Time?

In 1976, while his girlfriend (and future wife) Pattie was taking forever getting ready for a night out, Eric Clapton didn't get angry. He grabbed a notepad, and started writing.

The result was "Wonderful Tonight".

Now I'm not suggesting any of us should, would, or could do such a thing. But it's something we can learn from. Getting mad at your girlfriend for taking too long is like getting mad at rain for falling: There's nothing you can do, and it won't change anything. So instead of making ourselves crazy, why not be like Clapton, and use the time positively?

(Which, in our case, of course, means watching more football.)

It's a simple two-step program:

STEP 1: Plan ahead. Learn to anticipate when she's gonna be late, and make sure you'll be waiting somewhere with a TV. This means no more meeting up at the restaurant, subway stop, etc. Offer to pick her up at her place, or have her come to yours. "It's OK babe, take your time. (Baltimore and Minnesota are in a ridiculous 4th quarter shootout!)"

STEP 2: Discover your petty side. Now that you've earned points for waiting so patiently, you can spend those points on even more football. Just note to yourself how late she was (say, 25 minutes), and then use those 25 minutes at a later time when YOU want (need!) to stay late to watch the end of a game. If she complains when you show up late (which she won't, because she'll be late too), remind her that she had been 25 minutes late that other time, and men can't always be on time, either. Like I said, it's a petty move. But when Buffalo's driving to pull off the overtime upset against the Jets, it's also a smart one.

With this simple, easy, two-step plan, her being 25 minutes late gets you 50 extra minutes of football.

Now what have we been complaining about all these years?

Saturday Picks

Pittsburgh (-6.5) vs. South Florida (12:00). Dave Wannstedt, aka Dumbest Coach in America, could easily find a way to blow this, but I think freshman sensation Dion Lewis runs all over the Bulls.

Michigan (+4.5) vs. Penn St (3:30 ET). Penn State was ranked high to start the year, and I think that's the only reason they're favored here. I like Michigan to cover at the Big House.

Tennessee (+14.5) @ Alabama (3:30 ET). I'm rollin' against the Tide again, not just because I hate Nick Saban, but because Tennessee's D keeps it close.

Iowa (-2) @ Michigan St (7:00 ET). A lot of people think this is a trap game, but Iowa's too good to get trapped.