If you have issues with anger or are dealing with someone who does, this is the place to come to for understanding and tips.
If you argue or fight, now you can learn how to resolve your differences peacefully and permanently.
Dealing with a difficult person? I can show you how to calm them down and gain their cooperation.
It's all quite simple, really.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

We live in a harsh and judgmental world
where people are quick to point out the faults and imperfections of others yet
seem oblivious to their own. Some misguided souls believe they have a moral obligation
and civil duty to help you to be a better person by telling you what a failure
you really are first and then offering suggestions as to how you can improve. They
are so brazen as to cleverly present negative comments under the guise of being constructive. But constructive
criticism is an oxymoron designed to impose shame, embarrassment or humiliation
on the other party without the repercussions of the purveyor being labeled
mean-spirited or rude. Some are quick to criticize as a way of taking the focus
off of their own shortcomings in an attempt to make themselves appear better,
smarter or more qualified than the other. And while some may actually believe
in their hearts that they are performing a noble act, their methods are skewed
and faulty. Denigrate first, rebuilt second. If one's true intent is to offer
suggestions for betterment, why not skip the annihilation phase and move
straight into the supportive role?

So what is the solution to criticism? As
always, one must first examine their own behavior as all change begins within.
If you are the one imposing disparagement upon another, STOP. Make a conscious
decision that rather than focus on the negative aspect of a person's
performance or attitudes, you'll offer helpful suggestions from the get go. If
I'm painting our living room and making a mess in doing so, I'm much rather my
husband say to me, "This is a tough job. Can I offer a suggestion that
might make it easier for you?" rather than having him point out what a
sloppy painter I am and then tell me how I should
be doing it.

If you are on the receiving end of
criticism, the "OK" response is a perfect solution. When someone
comments negatively on a task you are embarking on or a personality issue, a
natural response is to defend and attack. We seek to justify our actions and/or
prove ourselves right while demoting
the other party so as to restore balance in the relationship . However, this
approach is rarely effective as it is ego-driven and puts both parties on the
defensive. Instead, simply reply with "OK".This concise one-word response acknowledges
the other person's comment without agreeing with it or feeling compelled to
engage in a debate about it. Additionally, there is no need to defend one's
self or actions, to make excuses for or to attack the criticizer. It diffuses a
potentially explosive situation and the fallout.

It is important to remain emotionally
attached to what the other person is saying, to listen without feeling, to be
an objective observer. There is much that one can learn from a negative review.
When we train ourselves to seek value in every situation and seemingly negative
comment we stand to walk away from such an encounter a wiser and more
enlightened being. Did I make a mistake, was I at fault? Could I have done
better, acted kinder, been more thoughtful? Did I give 100% of myself to the
task at hand? Is there any validity to what the other person has observed in
me? If so, how can I improve? Within each of these questions there lies the
potential for personal growth and improvement.

As for chronic criticizers: it is important
to set strict boundaries with them. Do not permit them to manipulate or
intimidate you. Be fair and firm and remove yourself from their presence when
necessary.

In any event, one can learn to be
"OK" with criticism and not allow it to negatively impact their life
or relationship with the other party. Examine it for any potential truths, then
let it go and just be "OK".

Luke 6:37 "Stop judging and you will
not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned."

Luke 6:41 "Why do you notice the
sawdust in your brother's eye but not the plank in your own?"

OrderThe Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Forgiveness is one of the powerful modalities
we have regarding our spiritual and emotional healing. I have always found it
easy to forgive those who hurt or offended me yet I am not as generous with
forgiving myself. Professionally speaking, this is one of the topics I lecture
on that I am most passionate about. I know I've enabled thousands of people to
find peace in their hearts through the sharing of my knowledge and my own life
experiences. In recent years, my spiritual journey has lead me to the
understanding that forgiveness becomes obsolete with the awareness of two factors:
first, when we recognize that every choice, every life experience, and every
mistake is an essential part of our spiritual journey. What is essential for
our growth does not require forgiveness. Secondly, the ability to view others
through the eyes of compassion rather than judgment prevents the onset of anger
or disdain, both of which require the forgiving process to heal from and move
beyond.

While learning to forgive others can be challenging for
many, forgiving one's self can present an even greater obstacle. Why is it so
difficult for some people to extend the same compassion and understanding to
one's self as they do for others?

Here are six possible reasons:

While we may be understanding
and compassionate of others for their perceived imperfections and
mistakes, we often hold ourselves to a higher standard. "You did the
best you could at that time", "You didn't know any better" are
common responses to those who have committed a wrongdoing. Yet we put
greater pressure on ourselves believing that I could/should have tried harder; I should have known then what I
know now. While it is permissible for others to be weak or imperfect at
times, I expect myself to be smarter, kinder, more fair, and courageous
than what I displayed at that time.

It can be hard to forgive ourselves
if others refuse to put the past behind us. They continually remind us of
how badly we hurt someone or of how selfish our behavior was. Still others
try to impose guilt and shame for the poor choices we made. "Your
gambling problem completely bankrupt us - we have nothing left for our
retirement! This is allyour
fault!" One cannot move forward into reconciliation when trapped in
past events. However, sometimes it is not the other party but ourselves
who keep reliving the sins of our past.

How often are we compared
to others? "Your brother always
been here for me since my diagnosis with MS. Now that I'm dying you come
to visit me? Where were you all the years I needed help?" Typically
comparisonsare intended to hurt
us, to point out flaws and so-called poor judgments. They keep us trapped
in feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing. If one does not see themselves
as valuable, how can they receive the gifts of mercy and compassion?

There may also be a
concern that if I forgive myself I am
diminishing the serious nature of my offense. Am I in essence suggesting
that the other party just suck it up, that it wasn't as bad as they claim
it to be, that they are not the only one who have ever been hurt in life?
It can be misconstrued that I'm giving myself a free pass to repeat the
same offense or another.

It may be easier to
forgive myself for the poor judgments or indiscretions that only impacted
my own life. However, if my actions caused pain and suffering for another,
how can I possibly excuse myself for involving someone who was completely
without fault? They may have put the incident behind them but for me the
remorse of unintended consequences imposed on one who was not deserving of
such is a heavy burden to carry.

Have I lowered my
standards, abandoned my values, betrayed those who believed in me? Am I
stuck in grief or remorse? Is the other party still suffering from my
mistakes? Am I not worthy of forgiveness? If I irresponsibly caused a car
accident due to driving while intoxicated causing an innocent passenger of
the other vehicle to suffer traumatic brain injury they will never recover
from, what right do I have to heal my anguish and resume my life of
happiness and success? As long as they continue to suffer, is it not only
fair that I do so as well? This should be my penance for the remainder of
my life.

In each of these scenarios, we have a different set of
criteria for forgiving others vs ourselves. Forgiveness is a universal gift
afforded to each of us without stipulation. Jesus instructs us to "Love
your neighbor as yourself." As
yourself: one cannot love and judge simultaneously. We are commanded to be
as kind to ourselves as we are to others. After all, if God can forgives us who
are we not to extend the same mercy to ourselves?

Keep in mind that our God is a forgiving God who
did not create us to suffer. The same gifts He bestows on others He blesses you
with as well. So be kind and compassionate with yourself. Learn the lessons,
make amends, let go, and love again. Be at peace for that is what our loving
Father has intended for each of us. And without self-forgiveness there can be
no inner peace.

Jeremiah: I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper
you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future.

Acts 3:19Repent
therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out.

Please check out my very powerful 3 minute video on the
healing power of forgiveness at www.FromGodWithLove.net.

OrderThe Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I'm not a fan of boxing nor professional wrestling. I find
that, as in real life, the players don't always fight fair. I understand that
much is done strictly to boost ratings but still I find it distressing. In real
life it is even more disturbing for much damage can occur when one or both
partners gets down and dirty. Conflict arises in every aspect of our lives yet
sadly very few of us are taught at an early age how to resolve our differences
peacefully. Many adults still employ the juvenile tactics from childhood that
are fear-based and aggressive. It's time to re evaluate the way in which we
settle our disputesmaking it a more
equitable process for all. Here are ten tips to fight fair:

1)Approach
the disagreement with an open mind and
an equally as receptive heart. Remember, the mind is like a parachute: it only
works when open. And the heart is where love resides, a much needed ingredient
in reasonably resolving disputes.

2)Listen
to understandrather than formulating
your response. When one feels as those they are being heard and understood they
feel valued and hopeful that they can come to a meeting of the minds.

3)Although
it's tempting to begin your conversation with such statements as "You make
me...You always... You should/shouldn't" openers such as these only put
your partner on the defensive. Accusatory statements put other on the defensive
as they feel they are under attack. Some will choose to defend themselves;
others may retreat from the dialogue. Ask God to formulate your words before
they depart from your mouth. Temper them with kindness and respect.

4)Stick
to one topic, avoiding the temptation to branch
out. Would you go to hairdresser who was not only cutting your hair but
applying color to another client, giving a perm to another, and blow drying a
third simultaneously? Of course not. You would expect that her undivided
attention was on you so as to ensure a flawless haircut. So it is with
resolving disputes. Stay focused on the issue at hand.

5)Repeat
back what you think you heard the other person say. "Let me see if I heard
you correctly. You're concerned about the amount of debt we've accrued but
you're not stating emphatically that we can't go on vacation this year. Is that
correct?" This one technique alleviates the other party's concerns that
you are not fully grasping their position.

6)Identify
the issue in three minutes or less. Then refocus your attention to the desired
outcome. What is it that you want to accomplish and what are the best steps to
achieve that? In this way, 99% of your time, energy, and creativity will be
focused on the solution. It also eliminates the opportunity to engage in blame.

7)Let
the other person know from the get go that you are open to a compromise. In
that way, they will feel more at ease knowing you are entering this with an
open mind as well as a genuine concern for their well-being and needs.

8)Put
yourself in the other person's shoes. See things through their eyes to gain a
better understanding of where they are coming from. You don't have to agree
with their position or share the same passion but the willingness to be
compassionate and empathetic pays huge dividends.

9)If
you find the situation is becoming heated, stop and take a break. Unless the
issue is a matter of life or death nothing is so urgent as to risk a debate
escalating into an argument filled with anger, bitterness, and hurtful words.

10)Limit
the amount of time you spend addressing this issue. Very often, the
preconceived belief that this discussion could continue indefinitely is enough
to raise anxiety in both parties, contributing to a decrease in patience and
tolerance. You can being with a suggestion of"Let's try to wrap this up in 15 minutes. I think that's more than
enough time to address this issue."

Fighting fair isn't hard. It means leaving your ego locked
securely in a closet in the basement and approaching your opponent as your
ally. Keep it short, simple, and respectful and you'll be amazed at how easy it
is to arrive at a peaceful and mutually satisfactory resolution.

OrderThe Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The recent trophy killing of Cecil the Lion in Zimbabwe by
an American dentist has enraged the
world. Social media has exploded with demands to bring the killer to justice
and ban hunting entirely. I am an animal lover in every sense of the word and
share in the anger that so many others feel.Yet as angry as I am over the senseless slaughter of one of the world's
most majestic creatures, I am far more horrified at the gruesome beheading of
Christians around the world by radical extremists. Planned Parenthood, with the
recently released videos admitting to the dismembering of unborn babies and the
selling of their body parts, is sickening. Yet to me there is a
disproportionate level of outrage among these issues. In a recent discussion
with some of my colleagues I began to search for the reasons behind this
imbalance. I found several:

1. Even though there are raging debates on trophy hunting, animals
are generally considered a less controversial topic than humans. Typically,
unless attacking a human or for the purpose of controlling over population of a
species, their killings seem senseless. Whereas with persons, arrogance has
divided them into groups and subgroups, each being assigned a specific value.
Those adults who do not conform to our personal ideals or to society's dictates
have lesser worth than those who comply. One who is different, has opposing views, or one who has the potential to harm
us is demoted in significance. The unborn are offensively considered by some to
have minimal value as they deem them not yet human. And are we more upset at
the murder of an attractive teenage girl than one who appears to be an
alcoholic homeless man living on the streets? Even in the animal kingdom, those
whom we consider to be more valuable evoke a stronger response when murdered
than those whom we assign a lesser significance. The grandeur of a leopard, for
example, may trigger greater outrage than perhaps a less appealing warthog.

2. Social media is inundated with images of slaughtered
animals. These sickening photos make the issue far more real and linger in our
memories long after it is no longer considered newsworthy. If one were to post
actual photos of a human who's head was severed from their torso or the
individual blood-stained limbs and tissues of an unborn baby, people would
demand the sites quickly remove them - far too graphic to be shown publicly.
The old adage, a picture is worth a
thousand words, certainly holds true in this case as does out of sight out of mind. The more powerful
the image the more intense the emotion it triggers. Animals receive more
coverage; hence more outrage.

3. If one is attacked by a vicious animal or deranged human,
self-defense is a rational and universally acceptable response. However, in
each of the aforementioned instances those murdered posed no threat and were in
fact considered harmless at that time. The thought of such a grave injustice
being imposed on an innocent life is appalling to most members of the human
species. It is a senseless act without provocation or justification. And in
some cases it can subsequently evoke fear for one's own safety: if someone can
take it upon themselves to gruesomely slaughter another, what guarantee is
there that my life, or the life of a loved one, won't be next?

Humans have lost all regard for all life, both human and
animal. All life is sacred to God for each is an expression of His love and
goodness. Furthermore He resides in all of His creations. To deliberately
destroy one of God's handiwork is an abomination against the Divine.

So take your anger, take your outrage and use it for a
productive and universal good. Take a stand for life, all life, for all has
value. Life belongs to the One who created it and in that regard God has exclusive
dominion over it. Be respectful - treat all of God's creations as the sacred
gifts they are.

OrderThe Secret
Side of Anger, Second Edition or The Great Truth @
http://www.pfeifferpowerseminars.com/pps1-products.html

About Me

Janet Pfeiffer, international motivational speaker and award-winning author has appeared on CNN, Lifetime, ABC News, The 700 Club, NBC News, Fox News, The Harvest Show, Celebration, TruTV and much more. She is a contributor to Ebru Today TV and hosts her own radio show, Anger 911, on www.w4cy.com.
Her latest book is the highly acclaimed The Secret Side of Anger and is endorsed by NY Times bestselling author, Dr. Bernie Siegel.
A consultant to corporations including AT&T, U.S. Army, U.S. Postal Service and Hoffman-LaRoche, Janet is NJ State certified in domestic violence, an instructor at a battered women’s shelter and founder of The Antidote to Anger Group. She specializes in anger management, conflict resolution and bullying. Janet is a member of EAPA, MVP and Vision in Motion Speaker’s Bureaus and Network Plus.
Janet@PfeifferPowerSeminars.com
www.PfeifferPowerSeminars.com.