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Oxbridge on "Homeopathic medicine 'has no homophobic side effects'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=84718#post-245598
Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:00:12 +0000Oxbridge245598@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Homeopaths have advised UKIP candidates troubled by headaches to use homeopathic medicines instead of strong analgesics. This followed the withdrawal of the hitherto nice, moderate parliamentary candidate Kerry Smith from the South Basildon &amp; Thurrock seat. It emerged that taking painkillers had caused him to make homophobic and racist comments that in no way reflected his actual beliefs.</p>
<p>'It's clinically proven,' said Rachel Woodruffe, chair of the UK Homeopathic Medicines Association. 'Take too many paracetamols and even the Guardian-reading liberals among us can suddenly start ranting about 'Chinky peasant poofters'. Homeopathic remedies are diluted to ensure that there are no such side effects. I personally took almond oil for a migraine on Saturday and managed to sit through Strictly without finding Bruno Tonioli more than mildly annoying.'
</p>GingerClive on "."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=80320#post-233545
Fri, 22 Aug 2014 07:23:20 +0000GingerClive233545@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<br />Midfield Diamond on "Mackay set to be appointed stand-up comedian in 1970s"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=80273#post-233435
Thu, 21 Aug 2014 13:13:45 +0000Midfield Diamond233435@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Yes, nice angle, stars. </p>
<p>Remarkably though, Vincent Tan has blown his audition for the role of James Bond villain. Who'd have thought he'd be the honourable one in all this?
</p>Golgo13 on "Mackay set to be appointed stand-up comedian in 1970s"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=80273#post-233409
Thu, 21 Aug 2014 10:32:34 +0000Golgo13233409@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Like it.
</p>johnnydobbo on "Mackay set to be appointed stand-up comedian in 1970s"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=80273#post-233391
Thu, 21 Aug 2014 08:58:36 +0000johnnydobbo233391@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Former Cardiff City manager Malky Mackay is set to sign for the 1970s as a stand-up comedian after his chances of the Crystal Palace job were scuppered by revelations in the press.</p>
<p>Text messages and emails of a racist, sexist, anti-Semitic and homophobic nature were revealed by the Daily Mail which saw any chance of the former Scotland international defender, out of work since his dismissal from Cardiff last year, being appointed to the vacant Palace job fall through. However, in developments late last night, the 1970s were quick to step in and offer him the job of stand-up comedian.</p>
<p>A spokesman for the 1970s said that Mackay "displayed all the qualities we're looking for" as they seek to fill the vacancy that's existed since Bernard Manning died seven years ago. "He has the exact amount of charm, wit and expertise in delivery", the spokesman continued, adding "phwoar, don't get many of those to the pound, you can smell their cooking from down the street, send the buggers back".</p>
<p>The 1970s are understood to be Mackay's preferred option as an offer from UKIP failed to meet his salary expectations.
</p>Boutros on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209205
Sun, 26 Jan 2014 23:43:57 +0000Boutros209205@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Christ.<br />
I thought the idea of a shower was to wash yourself thus having clean genitalia to dry?
</p>Squudge on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209170
Sun, 26 Jan 2014 10:59:58 +0000Squudge209170@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I like your sub but found it a bit long (maybe a bit of a 'tightening' would help).</p>
<p>I would love to see your article offer the option of a wee oven-glove like pocket down by the genitals as a (I believe the terminology is correct) 'sock'.
</p>tdotrob on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209153
Sun, 26 Jan 2014 03:12:49 +0000tdotrob209153@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Yeah, this would have been better served while the inventor was making the rounds of the talk shows in 2010. However, the gay couple "interviewed" are a (not-so) veiled reference to George Takaei and his husband Brad. If this gets published, I'll send a link to George. No telling whether he'd post it to his Facebook page but if so that's be a huge win. I'm kinda keen to go forward with it just on the very long shot it might put NewsBiscuit on his radar.
</p>Bigglesworth on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209100
Sat, 25 Jan 2014 12:56:15 +0000Bigglesworth209100@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Oh if its a real thing then I think it works, I just thought you had come up with some crazy product with out realising of a similar things existence. Or perhaps just a product picture of it with the article would work.</p>
<p>My only thought in this case is does the product you are satirizing have enough mainstream awareness for the average visitor to get the joke without an explanation of what the product is ect, I'd heard of the arse face towel for many years from crappy Christmas catalogues, but never your one, though I can't comment on the popularity of your towel, maybe I just need to buy more towels.</p>
<p>Reading the towels website certainly makes me feel the satire is deserving, go rip them a new piece of fabric...
</p>tdotrob on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209068
Sat, 25 Jan 2014 01:10:08 +0000tdotrob209068@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Hmmm... Perhaps I have to study more how this site works. "They beat you too it" sounds like the existence of a lesser product somehow disqualifies the product I'm satirizing (also a real product). I had it in my head that for the satire to work, the people and products should be real. The only fictional part of this was the asserted motives of the inventor, the meteoric sales among gay men and the subsequent depression of the inventor. The product and video are real and the linked Wow Stuff towel isn't nearly as provocative as the one I picked. So I'm puzzled at the response. I'll have to read some more of the posts and figure out what was intended here.</p>
<p><img src="http://www.ypsilon2.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/cleantowel01.jpg">
</p>Dick Everyman on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209062
Fri, 24 Jan 2014 22:21:32 +0000Dick Everyman209062@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Good, but still a load of flannel...
</p>FlashArry on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209057
Fri, 24 Jan 2014 20:56:00 +0000FlashArry209057@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Still a bloody good idea, though - and nicely written, curse you !
</p>Bigglesworth on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209043
Fri, 24 Jan 2014 17:04:21 +0000Bigglesworth209043@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wow-Stuff-Ltd-PD-1001-towel/dp/B00080XPUY" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wow-Stuff-Ltd-PD-1001-towel/dp/B00080XPUY</a></p>
<p>They beat you too it.
</p>tdotrob on "Inventor of homophobic towel distraught over success"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=71076#post-209029
Fri, 24 Jan 2014 13:28:16 +0000tdotrob209029@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Plagued by fear that parts of his bath towel that had come into contact with his genitals might the next day come into contact with his face, New York designer Adam Ross invented the <a href="http://truecleantowel.com/">True Clean towel</a>. The towel is printed with the outline of a human body, in the same style commonly used on signs to identify the Men's lavatory. The bather then uses specific sections of the towel to dry the corresponding body part. With this system, the same part of the towel is used to dry the genitals after each bath and the attentive bather is in no danger of ever touching his face with that portion of the towel.</p>
<p>The concept is based on the homophobic theory of "second-hand dick," the act of being touched by something that itself had previously touched a penis. In the True Clean video <a href="http://youtu.be/aTeiknZ6uGo">The Daily Routine</a>, a bather finishes his shower and then dries off using an oversized pair of hairy testicles. He lovingly wipes the testicles all over his face, then picks a stray pubic hair out of his teeth. Predictably, the video awoke the homophobic community to the possibility of self-inflicted second-hand dick. Prior to the emergence of the True Clean towel on the retail market, touching one's own penis was not considered to be a homosexual act, except in cases of self-fellatio. But The Daily Routine video single-handedly established self-inflicted second-hand dick as a real and present danger to homophobes world-wide. </p>
<p>Success was inevitable. The video went viral, taking towel sales with it. But a year after the True clean towel came to market, sales began to mysteriously spike. Investigation soon revealed that the video and towel had become a surprise hit with gay men world-wide. Brad, a happy customer, explains. </p>
<p>"My partner George is up and out of the house before I am out of bed. When I saw the True Clean ad, I realized I could be rubbing George's testicles all over my face each morning. Not his actual testicles mind you, but the next best thing. I knew I had to have that towel and I made George post about it on Facebook."</p>
<p>The rest, as they say, is history. Sales to gay men now outnumber sales to homophobic men at a rate of 8 to 1. Despite the sudden windfall, inventor Adam Ross became profoundly depressed. He agreed to meet with us in his therapist's office to explain.</p>
<p>"I invented this great thing that was supposed to raise homophobia to new heights," he said between sobs. "My True Clean towel was going to set gay rights back a thousand years. But now the homophobic community hates me. I'm not even welcome at my church anymore."</p>
<p>Shortly after our interview, Mr. Ross was placed on suicide watch. His family has requested that sympathetic homophobes send pictures of themselves using the True Clean towel in the shower to cheer him up.
</p>beau-jolly on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174392
Sat, 20 Apr 2013 12:58:30 +0000beau-jolly174392@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I must apologise for using the word responce above. I, of course, meant to say <em>response</em> and the reference to a ponce was purely accidental.
</p>AReader on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174386
Sat, 20 Apr 2013 12:32:43 +0000AReader174386@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I think its important that we stamp out all forms of discrimination including giving needless offence to stupid people. </p>
<p>Of course they don't know that people are mocking them because they're a bunch of thickos and.... oh bugger.
</p>Dick Everyman on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174330
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 21:26:08 +0000Dick Everyman174330@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>After my experience of Green F(l)ag I wouldn't recommend them to any sector of society.</p>
<p>PS The only time I've seen a green homosexual is after 10 vodka red bulls on a rough crossing from Vlissingen to Sheerness.</p>
<p>PPS sorry to give this 'gag' the oxygen of publicity...
</p>ronseal on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174291
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:54:13 +0000ronseal174291@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Isn't the word homo-phobic a bit offensive?</p>
<p>It implies a fear (phobia) of..... well, I'm not going to use that word. </p>
<p>Surely it should be gayphobic
</p>blacklesbian on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174289
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:47:12 +0000blacklesbian174289@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I'm sorry Titus but you 'dulls' (that's the word we use for you lot) are just boring and unfunny and you'll have to get used to it. Watch Graham Norton later and see some real comedy antics for a change.
</p>Ironduke on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174287
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:45:23 +0000Ironduke174287@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Can I have some help on an efette chap who looks after lawns and flower beds on a steep slope?
</p>beau-jolly on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174281
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:07:58 +0000beau-jolly174281@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Fantastic responce John. So much better than being ignored don't you think? I'm working on a gag about a chap who works in a factory putting soft confectionary into boxes.
</p>Son of Barnabas on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174251
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 13:13:16 +0000Son of Barnabas174251@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I agree that the term "fags" is offensive.<br />
Only lower class yobs in Britain would call them that.<br />
Educated people call them cigarettes.
</p>custard cream on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174231
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 10:55:08 +0000custard cream174231@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>.
</p>raudus on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174204
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 08:25:58 +0000raudus174204@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Devients. That should do the trick.
</p>Rootin Tootin on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174189
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 07:54:54 +0000Rootin Tootin174189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>If we can't use the word fag, what word can we use to offend the gays then?
</p>Titus on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174188
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 07:51:25 +0000Titus174188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I strongly object to the use of a word for homosexuals which implies that straight people are dull and miserable. This is outrageous straighophobia of the worst and most pernicious kind.
</p>raudus on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174183
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 07:40:55 +0000raudus174183@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><blockquote>use of the word 'Fag' is highly insulting. As is referring to homosexuals as 'gays' in such a sweeping way</blockquote></p>
<p>That's right....the correct term is 'the gays'.
</p>Titus on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935&page=2#post-174173
Fri, 19 Apr 2013 07:22:34 +0000Titus174173@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Did I miss somehing in 1973 - in those days, were homosexuals forbidden to have car a car recovery service, so that this was only available to normal people?
</p>Bourbon on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935#post-174154
Thu, 18 Apr 2013 23:05:08 +0000Bourbon174154@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Titus, would you use the 'N' word as a pun punchline to describe service for black people. If you answer no, then that is what's wrong with this. If you would, then it would take too long to explain.
</p>rob box on "New car breakdown service for gays launched - Green Fag"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59935#post-174142
Thu, 18 Apr 2013 20:46:28 +0000rob box174142@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Did I just wake up in 1973 ?
</p>