13 Signs You’re Way Too Excited About the New Baseball Season

While a few games were played last week, Major League Baseball returns in earnest this week for a new season of walk-off home runs, dynamite pitching performances and, we’re sure, at least one or two accusations a player took steroids.

Are you ready for the return of the national pastime? Here are some clues that you might be a little too psyched the baseball season is starting:

1. You don’t play for the New York Mets.

2. When a co-worker asks for the stapler, you bean him with it.

3. You started taking HGH, so you can root just a little bit harder.

4. You stop going to work until your boss re-negotiates your contract to include a no-trade clause.

5. You place yourself on the 15-day disabled list after cutting yourself shaving.

6. You accuse other patrons in the restaurant of stealing signs when you motion your waiter to give you the check.

7. After your wife has made three bad dinners in a row, you trade her for a cooked rotisserie chicken and a bag of groceries to be named later.

8. You install a JumboTron in your den to keep score during family Yahtzee night.

9. You’re a Cubs fan — which means you’ll stop being excited by the second week of the season.

10. When your wife asks if you want anything at the supermarket, you tell her, “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack.”

11. You announce you’re moving to another city if local taxpayers won’t finance the retractable roof you want to build over your backyard.

12. In an effort to increase attendance at your next barbecue, you announce the first 10,000 people will get a free bobblehead doll.

13. You get thrown out of your son’s T-ball game after accusing the other players of having elevated levels of Capri Sun.