Here’s the box office report for this past weekend, complete with snarky commentary.

1.) Texas Chainsaw 3D, $23M. The film’s marketers felt the target audience consisted of young men (obviously) and young women. What I’m curious about is how many couples saw this movie? I always thought a good date movie was one you could talk about after coffee afterward. I’ve overlooked another possibility: The one that causes your date to latch onto you seeking amorous protection. That result has more potential upside, I suppose.

2.) Django Unchained, $20.1M–I’d love to see the edited version FX or TNT airs in 2014. It’ll probably be 15 minutes long.

4.)Les Misérables, $16.1M–I was not a fan at all, but I know plenty of people who were, including the editor of this fine site. So, please, tell me: What am I missing here? Why did Les Mis have to slather on the pathos like icing on a birthday cake? Why couldn’t Tom Hooper go easy on the stylistic flourishes, and let the songs do the talking? What’s the deal with Russell Crowe? Leave your comments below.

5.)Parental Guidance, $10.1M–I’ve run out of things to say, so let’s look at the rest of the box office, where far more interesting things are happening. First, Lincoln is poised to make $150 million, which is pretty amazing considering its historical content. Second, Promised Land, Matt Damon’s latest, debuted at a lackluster $4.3 million during its first weekend of wide release. Can’t say I’m surprised. Gasland covered the same territory better and without the hokey morality machinations (“I’m not a bad guy!”).