Self-Injury Support Group

Whether you or someone you know or love struggles with self-injury, this is the community to discuss your experience, find support, meet others going through the same, and get advice on how to stop. Working together, we can help find alternative coping skills to reduce the urge to self-harm.

how to cope with out your father here

im 21 and when I was 3 my father and mother split up, I dont remember much when he lived at home except him being there and I remeber feeling safe! anyway he continued visiting till I was about 6 then never bothered. I missed him so much when he never bothered coming back because I was daddys little girl! and it seamed when he went I had no-one I mean my older brothers and sisters had grown and had there own little families and my younger sister had my uncle and my brother my mum! I actually remeber breaking down in tears one day because my sister was sitting on a family members lap and my mother was holding my brother and this is when my father would have normally stepped in when I was feeling left out! but it never happend that time!
when I was 16/17 he came back into our lives and I remeber being sooo angry at him that I couldnt even call him dad! he hung around until my mum thru me out and he said I could live with him! I was so pleased he said that it was what I wanted to here! but it was short lived as I was made to live in a hostel when he left me in a flat on my own for over 1 week!

I dont know why but I really am missing him right now and in one sence I really want to find his address and go see hi, I know this cant happen because he dont want me! I have spent the last hour and half crying because I really would love for him to be the father he used to be to me!

is it ok for me to want him that much?
and how do you cope with needing somone so bad!

i think it perfectly normal to want someone who used to make you feel secure. I have someone in my life who i need so much, eventhough he has done me wrong in the past. It is hard to let go of someone you are attatched to. I'm sorry that your father has hurt you this way. It sucks when people change.

Its' perfectly normal to miss something you had. Some one who provided you that much secrutiy. It's okay to mourn it. It will hurt but you will be able to move on and find other things that make you feel secure, even though there may always be a longing for your father.

seems you hadnt had it too bad with your father. but i cant understand why youd long for him

my father denied me for over 12 years. split up with mam when he found out she was pregnant. so yes im a bastard
at 17 i had a mental breakdown with that as 1 of the causes. like how can you deny your own kid?
found out last week he hated the idea of me so much he ordered a blood test to be carried out. true i did get to know him over the last 6 years. but once he married and had legitimite kids i was put back out again. we used to spend weekends together now its lucky for me to see him for 5 mins a week. truth be told he made no difference in my life. he still is the same scum he was 18 years ago.

it does suck your dad did that to you. but what helped me is a quote i had growing up.
&quot;its hard to miss what wasnt there&quot;

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