Thursday, October 15, 2009

When the kids were younger, we had a part-time nanny named Syndee. I was anything but fond of her. I don't remember how Mrs. Grumpy found her.

Syndee did a good job with the kids, so I turned a blind eye to her many shortcomings (which could be several posts alone). Her main issue was a remarkable lack of IQ and common sense. It was not uncommon to realize she'd been outsmarted by Snowball (and he's slow). She occasionally still calls to see if we need a babysitter. Rarely she'll call me for medical questions, as she does not grasp the concept of what being a specialist means. She's also learned (since she knows our home number) that it's easier to reach me then her own doctor.

Last week Syndee got married, and went off to Hawaii for her honeymoon.

This morning, at 12:05 a.m., I was woken by our home phone ringing.

Dr. Grumpy: "Mmmph, hello?"

Syndee: "Hi! Dr. Grumpy! It's me, Syndee!"

Dr. Grumpy: "What the hell?... Syndee do you know what time it is?"

Syndee: "Sure! It's just after dinner! Why, is your clock broken?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, it's after midnight here."

Syndee: "It is not! I wouldn't call that late!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Syndee, you're in another time zone."

Syndee: "What's a time zone?"

Dr. Grumpy (sigh): "Why did you call Syndee?"

Syndee: "Well, um, In the last few days I've developed a bladder infection and..."

Dr. Grumpy (seeing an opportunity to get even): "What the HELL have you been doing on your honeymoon to get a bladder infection?"

Syndee: "Well, um, my husband and me, um we, um... Can you just call in some antibiotics for me?"

Dr. Grumpy, could you please send me your home phone number? There's an ER doc across the street and a pediatrician 3 doors down. My OB-GYN lives about 6 houses down in the other direction. All of their phone numbers are in the neighborhood directory. But I wouldn't want to call them at home and bother them.

To all who asked: yes, we did trust our children with her. I didn't have a lot of say in the matter. Mrs. Grumpy informed me she was the nanny, and there would be no further debate.

This continued, in spite of all kinds of insanity. Like $500 in damage to our minivan. Or coming home early from a night out to find she'd left her boyfriend with the kids. Or Frank shaving his head on her watch (he was 5 at the time).

Mrs. Grumpy was quite adamant that I wasn't allowed to can her, through all this.

There is a way to prevent the honeymoon cystitis. You just need to wee within half an hour of having sex. This flushes out any bacteria that may have made their way into the urethra during the hot and sweaty fun time so they don't make it all the way to the bladder and set up house in there. This is something that should be taught to everyone, not only those contemplating wedding/honeymoon.

I sympathize with you about time zones. I'm married to a woman from China--and most of her relatives over there have never traveled far from home. It's not been easy educating them about time zones and it would have been much worse if the cost of calling didn't keep the calls down.

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

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