Hello friends! It has been a while (as usual- I’m sorry blah blah, the usual). I’m really happy to welcome a lot new followers though! Welcome lovelies! I hope you like my blog and so now I’ve got a lot more of you, I feel obliged to post more so here we go :). Maybe a new resolution of mine to blog more? Even though I haven’t been actually blogging I have been taking a lot of pictures of my food because I think it looks very healthy and healthy = beautiful. Doesn’t it?

I have some new lovelies! I’m going to New York in February! Can you believe it? I’ve never even been to America so how incredible is that? NEW YORK CITYYYYYYY. The amount of money I’m planning on spending is surreal but before the trip, I need to lose this christmas weight and some additional if I can. I am here with a new motive and I’m going to TRY and maintain this diet regardless of mum keeping on saying ‘I don’t think you’re eating enough to maintain someone of your age’. Ha. Am I dead? No. Then I’m doing just fine. My issue is that it is the holiday still for me and I am LAZY. I can’t seem to find motivation to get up and exercise so I am just super restricting my food intake.

I do have some more good news, I went to our New Years Eve family party as I always do and I was the thinnest I have been in years. Hey, maybe I’ll do a before and after picture- Here we go:

These photos are me on 31st December 2013. Look at those rolls and I’m standing up straight. I have always suffered from these and I’m feeling a bit sick uploading them because it is so embarrassing. THIS is RAW motivation people!

Actually looking at these pictures from the 31st December 2014, I haven’t done that well but considering I only changed my lifestyle in September 2014, that was a continued 8 months of being unhealthy. I am sorry that there are no face shots but I’m not comfortable with disclosing who I am just yet. If you knew who I am it is pretty obvious from the pictures and the smile you can see if the first picture above.

Anyway I weighed myself at the party here and baring in mind I had just eaten A LOT of party food but no alcohol, I was 10stone 12. Yes I’m sorry guys but that means I’ve put on a hefty 8lbs from my lowest weight of 10st 4 but don’t worry I’m back on track, weighing 10st 8 now.

If you’re wondering if it’s just the dress that has made me look like this, want to see a picture of me wearing the dress in December 2013 in November 2014? Here ya go:

Perfect blog picture there on the right and yes, we are drunk ;). I’m a student, forgive me? But I don’t know about you but I think I have lost weight visibly. Oh well a lot more to go.

Anyway enough pictures of me and more pictures of MY FOOD. I have been eating super healthy and I’m feeling the fat slowly melting away as my stomach grumbles (or so I like to think!)

Breakfasts:This is a bowl of Quakers Oatso Simple Big Bowl with 40ml of semi-skimmed milk, 80ml of water and a sprinkle of cinnamon. 206kcal.This is a bowl of Harvest Morn Golden Syrup Instant Oat Cereal with 120ml of water, one small chopped banana and 5g of brown sugar. 236kcal.

A beautiful close up, ha.This was today and I couldn’t resist the nutella that Mum bought. FFS. This is one slice of brown bread with 15g of nutella and a small banana. 243kcal. I think the idea is small amounts of whatever it is you want, and I didn’t exactly scrimp on the nutella. It is a lot of calories just for 15g though- 81!

Lunches:

This was delicious! I think I have breakfasts and lunches down to a tea! (Get it? ;)) They’re always so nice! Just no/low carbohydrates! This is Piri piri chicken chunks with lettuce leaves, cucumber, cooked beetroot and Pizza Express Basil pesto salad dressing. 194kcal.One of my favourites if I want a hot lunch! Fish fingers (x3), please ignore the serving suggestion of 4 on the box it is an absolute joke. Who can fit that in a single sandwich, let alone eat them all? Ridiculous! Just shows the changes happening in our world. Of course Birdseye want you to eat 4 so that you have to buy more quicker! A JOKE. Don’t fall for these scamming companies. Regardless, I do love their fish fingers. 3 cod birdseye fish fingers with 7.5g of tar tar sauce spread on top with birdseye garden peas. 240kcal. I’m really into these picky lunches at the moment. They look delicious on the plate and look like loads! It takes me a while to eat too as I savour every bite. This is 3 slices of beef pastrami, 7 cherry tomatoes (I ate one), one large cooked beetroot, a gala apple and a small amount of fruit smoothie. 294kcal.This was today and I now have a NEW FAVOURITE. Peanut butter on rice cakes. Be careful with the peanut butter though as this tiny amount was something ridiculous like 93 calories!! Peanut butter on two rice cakes, cucumber, cooked beetroot, cherry tomatoes and one slice of beef pastrami (there was none left). 229kcal.

Snack:This was the tiny bit of fruit cake that I allowed myself to eat on the second day of my diet. Do you want to guess how many calories it was? I’m serious, I weighed it and everything. 170… I’m not kidding. ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY CALORIES FOR THE TINIEST BIT OF FRUIT CAKE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND WHO CAN HONESTLY SAY THIS IS THE PORTION SIZE THEY GO FOR WHEN THEY EAT CAKE? It wasn’t even worth it because I was ABSOLUTELY STARVING come bedtime because of this stupid cake that I could have used this calories so much more wisely. I will not make the same mistake again.

Teas:

I only have one picture of a tea I have recently eaten and this was today AND it’s vegetarian! There were six meatballs made with soya (Tesco) and half a packet of the Vegetable risotto also made by Tesco which was bought frozen. There was a tiny bit of a spicy tomato sauce under the meatballs too. It was delicious. I might try vegetarianism! 396kcal.

If you want an example of what my days have been like recently, here you go! I did well today and it had to be 1,146kcal because I went over by 54 yesterday at 1254 calories but I managed to keep under it today and make up for that. I do it so precise, I will not enjoy the day when I make a mistake. It is becoming a bit of an obsession, myfitnesspal is telling me that I have logged in for 137 days in a row which means, yes, I calculated ALL of my days over the christmas period and new years. So, I can tell you that on Christmas day as a rough over-estimate, I ate 4000calories. I know, a nightmare but I was looking up the average intake for someone on Christmas Day and it was 6000 calories. I don’t know HOW (if they do) people manage that. I felt absolutely disgusting on 4000, let alone more. I will maybe show you what I ate but also, maybe now. I can tell you, however, that I ate basically 800 calories worth of stuffing, so vegetarianism? Maybeeeeee not.

I just thought I would show you guys this. The girl on the left has a body CREEPILY similar to mine and the body on the right is pretty much my dream body. That thigh gap… She did lose all of her boobs though, so maybe the middle weight is the best. I’d certainly be happy with it.

As you all know, it is Christmas tomorrow and that for me (and most other people) means food, family and fun. I want to concentrate more on the family and fun parts of those three. Christmas Day is not an excuse to eat everything in sight. I have been researching for the past few weeks on how to overcome the issue of eating too much on Christmas.

No one likes the feeling of being bloated and having eaten so much they feel like they are going to explode so why do we do it? Is it just because it is in front of us? Is it for our family or parents who have slaved for hours prepared vegetables and meat for YOUR benefit. Benefit? No. It is no benefit. It’s to your detriment.

I have compiled a list of hints and tips that I will be following for tomorrow so that although I will eat a lot, I will eat less than I otherwise would have. I will put them in a constructed order too, to show you what my ‘plan’ and routine will be.

1. I will EAT breakfast- this is a good idea (honest)! I will probably eat porridge/oatmeal with raspberries and almond extract which is my absolute favourite at the moment as it tastes just like marzipan which is my arch nemesis in terms of cravings and gluttony.

2. I will drink green and peppermint tea throughout the day. The green tea will increase the speed of my metabolism, in the hope of digesting any bad foods I have eaten quicker. The peppermint tea will act as a mild laxative, acting on my bowel walls to contract and move the food faster through my body. I also find that peppermint decreases my appetite and hence, I will drink it after breakfast, the christmas dinner and any other snacks.

3. Stay away from alcohol and other high calorie beverages. I know this is hard (I’m a student- I KNOW). This has been the cause of all of my weight gain which I then had to lose again. I vow right now that I won’t be drinking any alcohol tomorrow, nor ‘nice’ drinks like J20 or cokes or anything. NO. I was lucky enough to find a 1 calorie per 330ml of ginger beer that I will be drinking throughout the day as well as water and my teas! This will save me 500 calories at least, opposed to years before.

4. Stay away from the chocolates and crisps. These two are the main culprits for high calorie intake on christmas. Even when people are full to beyond belief, they still feel the need to gorge on a ridiculous amount of crisps and chocolate. I would know- I have done this EVERY year up till now. So now, all I can imagine is the years of damage I have done to my body and it makes me so angry. How could I be so ridiculous? No one likes a girl who weighs 11stone 5lbs at 5ft 5! (My highest weight). I neglected my body and now I need to apologise to it by eating good things. As a substitute to chocolate I will be eating nuts which may be high calorie but are full of good nutrients. As a substitute for crisps I will be eating vegetables dipped in various dips which (of course) are also a lot healthier. I will be keeping all of these snacks to a minimum though in preparation for…

5. I’m sitting at the end, in the corner of our big table for dinner, slightly out of eyes view of everyone and slightly away from the HUGE bowl that will inevitably sit on the table FILLED with roast potatoes. Not eating any. I swear, now. I am not eating ANY potatoes because they are the most unhealthy thing on the menu in our house. If anyone disagrees then please let me know.

6. Fill your plate with VEGETABLES and TURKEY/PROTEIN. I am staying clear of the roast potatoes BIG time! I am going to take a photograph of my plate tomorrow in the hope it will motivate me and also so that I can record the calories at the end of the day and upload them to here like I said I would.

7. Have one pudding or one serving of pudding. I don’t know about anyone else but in my house, tomorrow, there will probably be at least five different puddings available. There is christmas pudding, lemon mousse, sticky toffee pudding, trifle and pavlova. So FIVE! That’s not even including the christmas cake. That is ridiculous considering there are only eleven of us adults eating it. Hopefully a lot of it will be taken home by my family and it won’t be lingering in my house. I have just remembered too we have a bunch of other frozen desserts in the freezer too- banoffee pie, lemon cheesecake, after eight ice cream and clotted cream ice cream. Bloody hell. Kill me.

8. Always have a drink of some kind near you, it’ll keep your mouth stimulated and people won’t suspect anything.

9. If the worst happens and people question why you aren’t eating anything then just say you don’t feel well. That’s my plan.

10. Make yourself look pretty and wear tight clothes. No one wants a food baby in a tight skirt or dress. Maybe I’ll show you a picture of me if you’re lucky ;-).

11. Weigh yourself throughout the day, that’ll stop you!

12. Encourage other people to eat more, or offer them food. I will be helping my mum in the kitchen, in the hope of it putting me off eating. Especially if I chew gum, which I will be.

13. Wait for your stomach to rumble before eating anything after christmas dinner. If your body wants more food, it will tell you so just wait for the signal!

Anyway, there are 13 (unlucky for some) tips to get you through Christmas day and just remember eating doesn’t equal happiness. You can have a lovely fun filled family orientated day without food being a buzz killer for you. So maintain your weight loss and don’t be tricked into eating the ‘average’ 6000 calories that every talks about eating.

Here is a little tip I have for all you animal lovers out there to stop you from eating too much. Let your cat sit on you and you won’t be able to get up and go to the kitchen. Obviously you need to have a cat that likes to sit on your lap but it definitely works for me! I feel too guilty to get up when she’s comfortably sat on me.

I’d like to add as well that these flowery trousers I am wearing used to be too tight for me and I don’t know if you can see but they now fit me perfectly and may even be a bit loose! I love it.

Here is a different sort of post for once that I wanted to share with you guys for mine and your motivation. Have any of you ever thought about getting a tattoo?

I have quite a few times but I think it takes quite a lot of confidence and thinking to get a tattoo. I don’t even know if I’d be able to deal with the pain or not and I know my parents would be LIVID. What I would probably do is get a henna tattoo first and see if I like it and see what my parents reaction is.

But anyway, a girl can dream and I have been thinking a lot about what I would get. A year ago I really liked the idea of a small tattoo on my ankle and something relevant. I love scuba diving and snorkelling and so I thought something like this…

(The snorkel, bottom, two in from the left).

I even drew it on my ankle and I thought it looked quite good but I didn’t get it as my parents hated it.

Now, I’ve been looking again and I REALLY like the idea of a garter tattoo and for those of you who don’t know what a garter is:

They’re stunning, don’t you think? There is a lot of ancient traditions surrounding them whereby the groom takes it off his wife’s leg and throws it to his grooms-men, the one who catches it will marry next- a bit like the throwing of the bouquet. There was also a tradition where the women would rip it off and originally its use was to hold up stockings. I, personally, think they’re beautiful.

And the tattoos of them, I think are just as nice however I only like the small and simple ones. I realise how thin my thighs would have to be to have this tattoo so that’s why if I reach a stage where my thigh is as thin as these girls’ then I’ll reward myself with it!

Here are some particularly nice ones:

The favourite is the one pictured twice (2nd and 5th). I think it’s stunning and if I’m brave enough, will be my reward WHEN I am thin.

Hi everyone, I thought I’d give you something different on my post surrounding my lifestyle change and so I decided to do another name and shame. THESE. Profiteroles.They were delicious and I’ve probably eaten 9.5 of these in the past 24 hours, which equates to 464 calories. Holy crap. BUT, I ate 9.5 of them? So actually the calories for each individual one are not all that bad, but that’s no excuse really is it.

I’d like to think these were a one off and I won’t eat them any time soon. If anyone has had the profiteroles from Prezzo UK, I strongly advise you don’t try them because they’re too nice to never not have again but here is my try at aversion theory once again, like I did last time.

Profiteroles look like…

Eggs covered in poo. Haha! That’s the best I could do, I apologise. I hate eggs, especially imagine them raw. Gross.

I went bridesmaid dress shopping again today and here is the exact dress I will be wearing, it was brought from a shop but I won’t tell you exactly where as it’s giving away quite a lot of my confidentiality! If you’re really desperate to know then contact me privately.

Anyway, I am quite annoyed with the size I required which is a US 8. I was borderline crying in the shop as my sister and cousin both needed a US 0 and the maid of honour needing a US 2. I could see their judging eyes as the US 6 didn’t go up. I could see my grandma thinking ‘why aren’t you as thin as the rest?’ Literally one of the worst things I have had to experience. I can’t carry on like this, can I? I cannot believe that I am 4 sizes in US bigger than they are? It’s not possible surely. It has made me so depressed which will probably end up in me eating more. No! It can’t. A family member also had the cheek to say “oh this doesn’t mean you are going to go on a crash diet now is it?” Thanks for that. Did I really need you to say that? Maybe I will now because I sure as hell need to, clearly.

We went out to lunch later on and I refused chips and had a diet coke and whilst everyone else munched away I could hardly eat mine. I did though.

When I got home, I burst into tears whilst talking to my mum about it. She says she understands because she was the same and said about how beautiful I am but when I protested she said “I don’t really know what to say.” Is that because she knows I’m right? She KNOWS I need to lose weight and the only way I am going to go about it properly is by moving out and getting into a strict routine.

My Dad had a go at me saying that I had shape and men like this. Well where is my boyfriend then Dad because I don’t see anyone looking to be with me? Exactly.

I think the only way I am going to properly do this is to start eating the same foods everyday. I could have some variation with dinner but for breakfast and lunch I need to be having the same thing every day. I have realised that my body needs a minimum of 400kcal to get from the morning when I wake up to 5.00pm in the evening. I want to eat my dinner quite early so I can also go to bed early. 400kcal is not a lot. I really enjoy eating fruit when I first get up so I think this will be a good choice for me. I could always do raw till 4? Or partial raw till 4.

I could eat 100kcal for breakfast at whenever I wake up so either early like 8am or later at 9am. Then another 100kcal around 11am. Another 100kcal at 1pm and a further 100kcal at 3pm. All ready for dinner at 5/6pm. I will try this tomorrow (14/09/14) and tell you how I get on.

When I first began this blog a week ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to talk about this part of my motivation on it, but due to the fact I want to be honest with all of you and discuss all aspects of my motivation with the world, so that you too can get motivated and get those bodies that you have ALWAYS wanted, I am going to.

I was dating someone for a while and we made it exclusive. He’d recently come out of a long term relationship and being aware of this, I made sure that he was going to be honest about contact with his ex and that he was ready for a new relationship. He persuaded me and convinced me that he was ready and even told me he loved me?? I should have realised that he said ALL of it to just get into my pants and it worked. I have never been so frustrated and annoyed at myself when he called it off on the day I returned home from uni. But what could I do? What’s done is done and I can’t do anything now. Or can I?

That’s where my motivation comes in. Although he told me his reasons for calling it off, I can’t help but wonder if I did something wrong. I don’t think I did but I guess I’ll never know. This picture with a quote sums up some of my motivation. I can’t say he treated me wrongly exactly but he did hurt me and I want him to regret it! To regret it as much as I regret having sex with him.

I just thought I would share with you all of the foods that I used to eat on a regular basis but have now cut almost completely.

1. White bread

I never EVER eat white bread unless I have no other options.The only ever time I do is when I eat garlic bread or when I was in france, I ate an inch of white french baguette. This is such a change as I used to eat at least 2 (sometimes 4) slices of white bread DAILY. Can you imagine what this did to my body? Not only would it go straight to my fat stores but also contributes to cholesterol build up in my arteries. Nope, I am not eating it.

2. White pasta

I do not eat white pasta. I made a simple change to wholewheat and if I am really being healthy it will be vegan too.

3. Milk

I understand 100% that babies and young children (and animals) need milk, however adults don’t and I refuse to eat it knowing what is in it. I rarely drink normal tea and coffee too and if I do, I drink it black. Green tea FTW!

4. Butter

I stopped eating pure butter years ago partly because I hate the taste. I only ever eat it when it is in other things like cake, if I ever eat it, or it’s in a certain dinner.

5. Cheddar cheese

I never eat cheddar cheese any more. I used to eat cheese everyday on toast for lunch but now I never even buy it for myself. I only ever eat it when it is in a meal, for example at a restaurant.

6. Squash

I never drink squash. My reason for this is due to my not liking its taste and also the additional calories. Why drink squash when you can drink water for 0 calories and I personally prefer the taste and freshness of a cold glass of water.

7. Peanut butter/Jams (and NEVER together)

I never eat peanut butter or jams because they are FULL of sugar and fat. That piece of bread there is probably over 200 calories and won’t fill you up for more than an hour!

8. Hot chocolates

You might as well eat a bar of chocolate- it’ll have the same calories!

9. Dried raisins/sultanas

These mislead me for years, I thought they were healthy and I’d eat copious amounts. They’re actually full of sugar and I would rather not eat them.

10. Cereal/Cereal bars

I don’t care what cereal it is, every single bowl of it is around 250-300 (with milk) calories and it is pure carbohydrate and fat. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you that 250-300 calories is ok for breakfast unless you are a VERY athletic/busy person. Breakfast shouldn’t be more than 200, for my body type anyway.

I know sometimes it is hard to resist and not eat these foods but just think of the health benefits. You’ll look and feel amazing, you just have to try.