Russian President Unleashes Spies on America in Retaliation for Lunch at Ray’s Hell Burger

Just six days ago when Russian President Dmitry Medvedev was in town, President Obama had the idea to take him to Ray’s Hell Burger, an Arlington, VA burger joint, for lunch.Â Ray’s Hell Burger serves up big, juicy 10 oz burgers cooked to order.Â It’s one of the best burgers I’ve ever had and it’s a place Obama is quite familiar with, having visited there last spring with Vice President Biden.Â Â According to the NY Times:

Mr. Obama had a cheddar cheeseburger with onions, lettuce, tomato and bread-and-butter pickles, with a bottle of iced tea to wash it down. Mr. Medvedev also ordered the cheddar burger, but he added jalapenos, onions and mushrooms, and paired it with a bottle of Coca-Cola.

The two President’s even shared a plate of fries. Awwww, cute (no word yet on President Medvedev’s fry dipping preferences).

When asked what he thought of the meal, the Russian President replied:

Probably it is not quite healthy but it is very tasty and you can feel the spirit of America.

Translation: you are all fatties.Â I mean hey, who doesn’t love a good burger right? Everyone, everyone loves a good burger, including vegetarians who just don’t know it yet.Â But foreign leaders are probably used to eating precisely prepared gourmet meals constantly.Â Didn’t Obama think about the fact that taking the Russian President out for a burger, and a giant sloppy one at that, kind of plays right into the stereotype of American’s as obese, burger munching fast food addicts?

President Medvedev was obviously troubled by the meal, as it appears that he immediately unleashed a Russian spy network at least 11 people strong on the United States in retaliation. Translation: you try and make me fat, I steal your state secrets.Â Seems reasonable.