My mother was a Newfoundlander and Dad's people came from Québec... :D

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"

"Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."

The man was very pleased and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped and he was unable to repair the unintended cutting.

He was terribly remorseful and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as he recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him, "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."

The difference between "frogs" and French Canadians is that "frogs" don't do dry wall.

Pete K

01-16-2008, 03:53 AM

Here in Western PA we pick on West Virginia with our jokes. Everyone takes their turn at the bottom I guess.

sbl

01-16-2008, 05:06 AM

The difference between West Virginia and Yogurt is that yogurt has an "active culture."

I have pages of this stuff.

tompritchett

01-16-2008, 05:21 AM

The difference between a sack of trash and a UT cheerleader is that a sack of trash gets taken out once a week.

What do a tornado and a divorce in Arkansas have in common - someone is going to lose a trailer.

flattop32355

01-16-2008, 07:31 AM

What does a Ph.D. from University of Michigan say on his first day on the job?
"You want fries with that?"

War broke out between the states of Ohio and Kentucky. The armies gathered on their respective shores of the Ohio River, eying each other. Suddenly, the Ohioans pulled out sticks of dynamite and threw them across the river at the Kentuckians.
The Kentuckians lit them, and threw them back.

Frenchie

01-16-2008, 08:13 AM

Hear about the guy who made a fortune selling Cheerios to Minnesotans? He told them they were donut tree seeds.

Texas Aggie Cocktail: Perrier and water.

Shortround

01-16-2008, 10:29 AM

What is the mating call from a co-ed out of Ohio State University?

"I'm so drunk."

Parault

01-16-2008, 11:34 AM

What do a tornado and a divorce in Arkansas have in common - someone is going to lose a trailer.

Don't forget all the dogs on the porch.

Filthy_Confederate_Scum

01-16-2008, 11:57 AM

An oldie, but goodie:

"South Carolina is too small to be a republic and too large to be a lunatic asylum." - James Louis Petigru, 1860

toptimlrd

01-16-2008, 12:28 PM

Well, since we are picking on each other good naturedly:

There is one good thing that came out of Alabama, I-20 East.

8th TexCav

01-16-2008, 12:42 PM

And being from Texas..."Did you hear that OU had to switch to astro turf? They had to keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime!" :D

tompritchett

01-16-2008, 01:35 PM

This Texan walked into a bar and started talking about how big everything was in Texas. After about an half an hour of this, an Okie finally spoke up by saying he once knew a Texan that was SO BIG that no one in the county had a coffin big enough to hold him. When everyone asked the Okie how did they ever bury the man, the Okie replied "Well they poked him with a pin to let all the hot air out. After that they were able to bury him in a shoe box."

sbl

01-16-2008, 01:55 PM

A Texan was bragging to a Maine man about how big his ranch was. "It takes me three days to drive around my property!"

"A'yah..I've got a car like that too." Said the Mainer.

8th TexCav

01-16-2008, 02:07 PM

A Texan was bragging to a Maine man about how big his ranch was. "It takes me three days to drive around my property!"

"A'yah..I've got a car like that too." Said the Mainer.

Thanks Scott, I just spit cranberry juice all over my LCD!

Rob Weaver

01-16-2008, 02:56 PM

You know how Canada got its name, don't you? They decided to put the letters of the alphabet in a hat and the PM would draw them out. He drew the first: "Cee, eh? The next: "Enn, eh?" and the last: "Dee, eh?"

M.Metz

01-16-2008, 07:52 PM

Here in Western PA we pick on West Virginia with our jokes. Everyone takes their turn at the bottom I guess.

So just because we are better than you means you have to be jealous of us. Come on man, can't we all just get along.

BigDuke634

01-17-2008, 03:25 AM

What do you do when there is a UK graduate that played basketball on your front porch? Pay for the pizza, and send him away.

Pete K

01-17-2008, 05:02 AM

"Pittsburgh 147 miles south east": The only sign of intelligent life in Cleveland
(Old Steelers-Browns joke)

sbl

01-17-2008, 06:49 AM

You even see rivalry within a town. My mother said all the kids in Pigeon Cove were "crumb-bums" and "hoods." A girlfriend wasn't allowed to date me because I was from Bearskin Neck and therefore a "Beatnick!" Rockport and all it's neighborhoods only had about 5000 "year round" citizens.

mmartin4600

01-17-2008, 11:14 AM

Why does Texas stay part of the USA? Because Oklahoma sucks and Mexico blows.

Brian Swartz

01-17-2008, 11:33 AM

The difference between a Hoover vac. and a Harley motorcycle is that the dirt bag goes on the inside of a Hoover.
Brian

Frenchie

01-17-2008, 03:53 PM

Difference between a cactus and a Lexus: A cactus has pricks on the outside.

BigDuke634

01-17-2008, 05:03 PM

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So after the game they can go back to picking up trash on the side of the road.

WestTN_reb

01-17-2008, 07:05 PM

If you marry your cousin in Kentucky.....is she still your sister?

wagen dawg

01-18-2008, 04:27 AM

What's the definition of relative humidity in WVa.?
That's the sweat raised on the brow of your sister's lip while you're...........ahh, sorry, this is a family forum...............
Tim