A! Entertainment On The Town

Tony Batman

Schevelle's G String Chronicles: No Rest For The Wicked, Onward To San Francisco

About twelve hours after finishing our final show in Long Beach, Tony and I sat in a car late Sunday afternoon sipping on coffee and heading to Los Angeles for a radio show in the Playboy Studios and Porn Star Karaoke at Sardos. I looked at L.A. traffic and thought to myself, I can see why people go postal here, glancing at Tony, I could tell he thought the same as he cursed at another car swerving in front of him. I shook my head and smiled, just get us there alive please God.

Things were almost smooth sailing compared to the previous week. I grinned widely knowing by this time the following day we would be in the Playboy Studios for my first radio interview with Christy Canyon and Nicki Hunter on Playboy Radio. Having done previous radio shows, I wasn't sure what to expect. Some are cool, but many early mornings after a sleepless night, I have sat across from a radio host who did nothing more than insult me and try to make me look like a stupid "stripper" in front of his whole morning audience (without offering me any morning coffee on top of it). Playboy Radio was nothing like this. It's not hard to see that these hostesses were polished pros at the radio show. Nicki and Christy played so smoothly off of each other. I know you can't see them on the air, but they look so natural while they are talking, not forced at all, and Nicki likes to pull her legs up next to her chest and smiled a lot while Christy sat more upright and leaned forward as she prepared to ask a juicy, probing question. This was my first "duo" interview with Tony, who has been interviewed in the studio several times already, and I think it made the interview more interesting because some of the questions focused on our relationship sexually. The most common theme question I kept getting started something like this, "So IF, hypothetically, if you were going to film a porn..." I was laughing and having so much fun then I heard Nicki say, "Well, thanks for coming in the studio.." signally the end of the interview. We said bye to Christy Canyon, sadly, but Nicki also host Porn Star Karaoke so we would be seeing at Sardos.

Birds of a feather flock together. Well, what did it mean when I went to my first time at Porn Star Karaoke and I saw a wide variety of people there? People can say what they want about the "adult/porn industry" but that night at Porn Star Karaoke I saw different ages and groups of people all having a blast. This event peaked the curiosity of people so much that the night Tony and I were there, the associated press was in also, taking pictures and even conducted an interview with us. The host Nicki, who has a talent for singing as well, was hidden behind a desk during the interview at the Playboy Studios, but tonight she wore a short blue jean skirt that showed off her little butt when she bent over. This was a smorgoshmorge of people all having a good time in the name of porn stars. Is L.A. great or what?

After partying all night at Sardos, I woke up bleary-eyed and was not in the mood to pack and get on the road, but the world waits for no one, so back in the car. I pumped Tony full of coffee and we were traveling through the mountains of L.A. up to San Francisco to the Crazy Horse. While we were bouncing around on the road we were doing our weekly radio show with Striptaculous. Tony is a multi-tasker, he can conduct an interview, drive and curse people on the road all at once. We talk with Striptaculous every Wednesday and Tony, even with us being on the road, NEVER misses a show. He's so cute when he's being a little workaholic.

We pull into the sparkling city of San Francisco and immediately get hit up for parking fees at the hotel (which was $30 a day plus 14% tax). The guy at the check in desk said, "Sorry, there's nowhere to park here so they charge a lot. You're not from here are you? Oh, and the elevator is broken so you'll have to carry your own bags up that really narrow and winding staircase behind you. Welcome to San Francisco." We woke up the next morning and tried to get coffee. The hotel, which boast of being modern with all modern amenities, doesn't serve coffee past 9 AM. Now, I know that in this modern time, one of the most modern amenities is coffee! There are coffee shops all over the place that serve coffee all day long. Stupid dumb hotel. Tony and I ended up at a coffee shop with about 15 signs in it saying everything like "Don't forget to tip", "Pay the cashier here", "Don't take longer than 30 minutes to drink your coffee". We asked what that meant, "You're not from here are you?"

Now back in our hotel room after walking around the most crowded streets I have been in since New York City and observing people randomly yelling, we took some time and had some passionate fun sex together. When my vision cleared, I heard our neighbors making fun of our love-making. Oh by the way, the walls are apparently thin as paper, another positive modern selling point. So the gay guys staying next door had nothing better to do (sadly) than to make fun of the straight couple having sex. As showtime approached we walked through the marijuana emmiting streets to the club.

The club sent a floormen to carry/roll my bags, but the floormen could only take one bag because he had a bulging disc or something. Then as we prepared for the show, the floorman informed me that, though he could help me on the side of the stage, he couldn't pick up the money because he had to inflamed disc in his back, but if anyone attacked me from stage obviously that was not a problem. I never felt safer (there is a serious need for a sarcasm font). Now if I was hiring a bouncer/floormen for my club and his job was to be there when the shit hit the fan, I wouldn't hire the guy with all the back injuries that could be taken out by the strain of a dollar. Just a thought. I had the club find me a helper and this is what they got me. The "food runner" for the house girls who also happened to look like one of the midgets from the Wizard of Oz. Well, the lollipop kid was kind enough to help me and the show went on.

The Crazy Horse is set up like a real theatre complete with stadium seating so there is a backstage area where you enter the stage. As I came down to do my show Saturday night, several of the house dancers came running with street clothes in their hand. Bouncing on one leg or on their back on the floor, they threw on jogging pants and t-shirts then took off out the backdoor in forty-degree weather. Two words...Snoop Dog. The back of the club shared an alley next door, which is where he was performing. A couple of hours later the girls came back with red-eyes and smiles. That night was fun, especially with Tony pumping up the crowd. The Crazy Horse has a subdued audience and I could see the fear in T the D.J. eyes when we said we wanted to involve the audience. But before we left T was laughing and Tony had the crowd more engrossed and alive than I have ever seen them there. He is truly the Emcee of the Year.

When we got ready to leave big boy now had a pulled rib cage or something so the lollipop kid/house girl food runner guy helped us carry our luggage. We checked out of the most unaccommodating modern hotel I have ever stayed in and in closing, I have to say....$150 in parking is bullshit! I'm off to the great state of Iowa next week, I'll bet I can find cheap parking there.

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