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Média

Detritus watched Otto roll around on the cobbles screaming.
– ‘What was dat about?’ he said, eventually.
– ‘He’s taken a picture of you not letting me into the palace,’ said William.
Detritus, although born above the snowline on some distant mountain, a troll who had never seen a human until he was five years old, nevertheless was a policeman to his craggy, dragging fingertips and reacted accordingly.
– ‘He can’t do dat,’ he said.
William pulled out his notebook and poised his pencil.
– ‘Could you explain to my readers exactly why not?’ he said.
Detritus looked around, a little worried.
– ‘Where are dey?’
– ‘No, I mean I’m going to write down what you say.’
Basic policing rushed to Detritus’s aid once again.
– ‘You can’t do dat,’ he said.
– Then can I write down why I can’t write anything down?’ William said, smiling brightly.

Vimes walked the rest of the way down the stairs and looked William up and down.
– ‘What is it you’re wanting?’ he demanded.
– ‘I want to know what’s happened here, please,’ said William.
– ‘Why?’
– ‘Because people will want to know.’
– ‘Hah! They’ll find out soon enough!’
– ‘But who from, sir?’
Vimes walked round William as if he was examining some strange new thing.
– ‘You’re Lord de Worde’s boy, aren’t you?’
– ‘Yes, your grace.’
– ‘Commander will do,’ said Vimes sharply. ‘And you write that little gossipy thing, right?’
– ‘Broadly, sir.’
– ‘What was it you did to Sergeant Detritus?’
– ‘I only wrote down what he said, sir.’
– ‘Aha, pulled a pen on him, eh?’
– ‘Sir?’
– ‘Writing things down at people? Tch, tch . . . that sort of thing only causes trouble.’
Vimes stopped walking round William, but having him glare from a few inches away was no improvement.
– ‘This has not been a nice day,’ he said. ‘And it’s going to get a lot worse. Why should I waste my time talking to you?’
– ‘I can tell you one good reason,’ said William.
– ‘Well, go on, then.’
– ‘You should talk to me so that I can write it down, sir. All neat and correct. The actual words you say, right down there on the paper. And you know who I am, and if I get them wrong you know where to find me.’
– ‘So? You’re telling me that if I do what you want you’ll do what you want?’
– ‘I’m saying, sir, that a lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on.’
– ‘Ha! Did you just make that up?’
– ‘No, sir. But you know it’s true.’
Vimes sucked on his cigar.
– ‘And you’ll let me see what you’ve written?’
– ‘Of course. I’ll make sure you get one of the first papers off the press, sir.’
– ‘I meant before it gets published, and you know it.’
– ‘To tell you the truth, no, I don’t think I should do that, sir.’
– ‘I am the Commander of the Watch, lad.’
– ‘Yes, sir. And I’m not. I think that’s my point, really, although I’ll work on it some more.’
Vimes stared at him a little too long. Then, in a slightly different tone of voice, he said:
– ‘Lord Vetinari was seen by three cleaning maids of the household staff, all respectable ladies, after they were alerted by the barking of his lordship’s dog at about seven o’clock this morning. He said’ – here Vimes consulted his own notebook – ‘ “I’ve killed him, I’ve killed him, I’m sorry.”