Break-Ups: Are They About The Loss Or The Journey?

By Paula Azouri

Breakups…we’ve all been there. They’re the worst. Literally, the worst. You cry for days, maybe weeks, you eat your way through all the ice cream in the freezer, all while watching sappy rom-coms. Well, at least that’s what breakups seem like, right?

Breakups usually happen for a reason—things just weren’t working. You had different future goals, you couldn’t stand his family, she didn’t support your dreams, you couldn’t trust him, or maybe you were just bored. Regardless of the reason, losing the person you shared your life with is far from easy.

Along with losing a partner, people so often lose themselves while in relationships. Whether losing hope, your friends, or losing sight of what you wanted, being with the wrong person can strip you of the things that make you, you. If the relationship was long-term, or an unhealthy one, coming back from the disaster you once called your “relationship” can be particularly difficult. Or maybe not.

What if breakups were different? What if breakups were actually a good thing? They tend to carry such a negative connotation, but things can be different. What if, rather than focusing on the loss, you focused on what you’ve gained? What if focusing on the positive aspects of a breakup can help you heal? What if focusing on the journey can help you move forward? You can decide that.

Consider these 10 things you can gain throughout your breakup journey.

Perspective

The break-up journey is all about perspective. It’s possible that what you lost wasn’t meant for you, so let it go. Cut your losses and focus on a healthy recovery. Walk away from the doors that have been shut and open your heart to the new opportunities you will be provided.

Freedom

Breakups can be freeing and should be seen as an opportunity to grow—an opportunity to nurture your soul and create an even stronger version of yourself. Take advantage of this solo time, and truly embrace living life for you and only you.

Find Yourself

As I mentioned before, we sometimes get lost in our relationships. Take the time to rediscover who you are. Learn to have fun again. Remember what it’s like to live without the negative emotions that come with an unhealthy relationship. Rediscover your passions, embark on new adventures, and open your heart for the love that you deserve.

Love Yourself

Love comes in all shapes and sizes, but the most valuable love is self-love. Once you can fully, completely, and unconditionally love yourself, maybe then you’ll feel ready to welcome in new love.

Take Your Power Back

One of the things that sometimes gets lost in a relationship is power. This can be the most disheartening loss because along with power comes your voice. Don’t allow anyone to treat you poorly. Demand respect and kindness from others. Remember that you are worthy, and you deserve to be heard. Take your power back.

Lessons Learned

Breakups can be painful, so be sure to value the lessons learned from that pain. Discover what caused that pain, and what red flags were associated with it. Once you have that down, you’ll know how to avoid it in the future. This can save you from a great deal of future heartbreak.

Consider Your Needs

Think of what you want and what you are looking for in a future partner. We learn what we want by trial and error, so consider what it is that you need to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. At this point, you should definitely know what you don’t want, so take note of that.

Reconnect With Your Loved Ones

Rekindle your friendships. Spend time with your family. Reconnect with your social network and allow them to support you in your time of need. There’s nothing better than having the people you love most by your side to make you smile.

Explore

Take this time to explore yourself and explore the world around you. Relationships can sometimes trap us in a tiny box of unpleasant expectations and monotony. Utilize your post-breakup time to break free of the tedious lifestyle you once lived and seek safe experiences with little to no boundaries. Embrace your freedom and do things that will make you feel alive. The world is your oyster, so take a bite.

Remember Your Strength

If you can make it through a shitty relationship, you can make it through anything. Remember how strong you are. Remember how much you can and have already accomplished. Remember what makes you so incredible and so special. Remember what makes you, you.

Paula Azouri

Paula Azouri is a licensed clinical social worker and was born and raised in Los Angeles. She writes about dating and relationships, mental health, and wellness on her blog She Who Spoke. Paula enjoys stumbling upon incredible street art, enjoying good food, and exploring new cities.