This year I decided to do something a little different to honor Veteran’s Day. My long-time followers (hi both of you!) might already know that I generally honor Veteran’s Day with humor; I figured a playful little set of Soldier: 76 Play of the Games from Overwatch would be a fun way to celebrate this year.

And as always, my fellows who are serving, have served, and may serve in the future: There is no greater honor than knowing you are out there on watch.

As is pretty usual on the real holidays (Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, y’know, holidays that actually matter) we are bringing some solemn humor to DickJutsu.com. We’ve done it for prior Memorial Day celebrations. As is common here, we have a photopost full of humorous military memes, jokes, and such. So let’s get to it. If you’ve served some of these may hit pretty close to home, if you haven’t…remember that some of this shit is stuff that people who do serve have to deal with.

First a few jokes at the expense of my Army buddies…

And nobody can forget the first wave of any war…the Air Force.

And we can’t neglect the Navy. Without them how would the Marines get across the world to win our wars?

Speaking of the good ‘ol USMC…

Okay, so maybe I’m a little biased. Here’s a few at Marine expense…

And don’t forget the cute widdle Coast Guard!

So, remember…this a day to celebrate the men, women, and cute puppies that serve in the U.S. Military!

And always remember. Troops in combat situations love care packages. Whether they have yummy snacks, a flak jacket that Army budget cuts couldn’t give them, or y’know, the important stuff…

Update: Some of you have already read this post, because WordPress and I derped out and this went live, but went to the back of the timeline. Here it is, in the proper sequence.

The wife and I were at work (we worked together the other day) and for lunch she had made us up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She made me two and then made herself one, which she put extra peanut butter and jelly on, because she likes really thick sandwiches.

I got hungry and went for the lunchbox, discovering that she had put all three sandwiches in the same Tupperware container. I grabbed one and started eating it.

Half way through the sandwich she decides to ask if I grabbed the correct one. I was like…

She checked the container and then went on a tirade, bitching about me having eaten her sandwich, because I grabbed the wrong one. She claimed that she put her sandwich into the container, backwards from how my two were and that I had grabbed hers by mistake.

She then took the remaining half of the sandwich and ate it. I continued to protest that I couldn’t tell her system and after about fifteen minutes of going back and forth she pulled the container back out and pointed to it saying, “See how both of the sandwiches are facing the same…wait a minute…”

She quickly shoved the container back in the lunch bag and muttered, “Oops.”

I had eaten the correct sandwich, which means that she had not only stolen my sandwich, but she had berated me for stealing hers for almost half an hour.

There was only one thing to do in recompense…I tickled her until she almost peed herself.

~RCS

And I changed her display name in my phone’s contacts to Sandwich Thief.

With Christmas on the horizon I stumbled across this video, again, recently. I’m a little busy, but I should have a big announcement coming soon. So for now, just watch this poor little girl and maybe feel a little better about your day:

~RCS

In my head I can hear the fairy yelling, “Free at last, Free at last, I am Free–Oh god, no, I regret my decisi–AAHHH!”

You know what day it is…well actually what day it was yesterday. You see, in honor of Memorial Day, which honors the troops killed in action in our uniforms, under our flags, to ensure we get nifty things like the internet, buildings that aren’t bombed into rubble, and potable water I played a nifty game called War Thunder. It takes place in World War II. It counts.

Anyway, it’s time to honor the troops with funny pictures, like we are wont to do every year around Memorial Day (and Veteran’s Day, and Independence Day, and well…okay so it’s a cheap easy post to make when I’m doing holiday stuff).

First we’ll honor the Army:

Their motto isn’t Army Sane, after all.

Then the Air Force:

USAF, the only branch where ‘bombing’ a test is a good thing.

We can’t forget the Marine Corps; Ooh-Rah!

“Oohmf-Rahmf!”

And, of course, our friends in the Navy:

Oh Captain, my Captain!

Always remember the fierce wardogs that win victory to protect this country from all threats, foreign, domestic, and maybe even imaginary. To the tanks and planes of tomorrow, all the way from the days of cavalry charges:

And speaking of wardogs, let’s not forget our trusty k-9 companions who keep our troops warm in foxholes and ruthlessly bite, maul, and eat whatever may attempt to harm them.

Rowr! I are the Viking Dog!

But always remember that Memorial Day is, at its heart, a solemn day to remember those who didn’t make it back to enjoy the laughs we share right now.

Roosevelt said, “Speak softly and carry a big stick!” Soldiers are our stick, they are the reason why we are speaking English without a bunch of unnecessary ‘u‘s and why we have the choice to hang the flag on our porch, burn in a bonfire, or cover a table with it. Regardless of where the country is, where it’s headed, or what may come of it…the soldiers are the reason we are a country. We stand on the foundation they have built for us, with their blood, sweat, tears, bodies, and sheer willpower.

I know I promised the merch post today, but I wanted to get this off my chest while I was still thinking of it…

I drive past a Strip Club on my way to work (and back home) and the other day I saw a school bus that, I assume was broken down, parked in their parking lot. The sight of a school bus in a strip club parking lot got me thinking about weird things. And here is a list of those weird things!

They didn’t have field trips like that when I was in school!

They needed a whole bus for Take Your Daughters to Work day?

Seems to be a popular spot for Job Shadowing.

The slippery slope of split-gender gym classes has turned to this: The boys play dodge ball, and the girls pole dance.

Finally, something fun to do with all that Art Class glitter: Stripper body-painting!

It’s not a Hooters, so they can’t be there for the Wings.

Okay, that’s it for me. I will still put up the merch we bought this week.

The wife and I were at work (we worked together the other day) and for lunch she had made us up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She made me two and then made herself one, which she put extra peanut butter and jelly on, because she likes really thick sandwiches.

I got hungry and went for the lunchbox, discovering that she had put all three sandwiches in the same Tupperware container. I grabbed one and started eating it.

Half way through the sandwich she decides to ask if I grabbed the correct one. I was like…

She checked the container and then went on a tirade, bitching about me having eaten her sandwich, because I grabbed the wrong one. She claimed that she put her sandwich into the container, backwards from how my two were and that I had grabbed hers by mistake.

She then took the remaining half of the sandwich and ate it. I continued to protest that I couldn’t tell her system and after about fifteen minutes of going back and forth she pulled the container back out and pointed to it saying, “See how both of the sandwiches are facing the same…wait a minute…”

She quickly shoved the container back in the lunch bag and muttered, “Oops.”

I had eaten the correct sandwich, which means that she had not only stolen my sandwich, but she had berated me for stealing hers for almost half an hour.

There was only one thing to do in recompense…I tickled her until she almost peed herself.

~RCS

And I changed her display name in my phone’s contacts to Sandwich Thief.

So as you all know, or you should know at least, today is Veteran’s Day. Unlike Memorial Day where we celebrate those who perished in the duty of their country, today is a day to celebrate everyone in the Military; past, present, and I would argue…future.

PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a serious issue with our military, as it has been with every military in the history of military conflict; and it’s not just the military, bullying children in their formative years can create PTSD symptoms in adults, abusive relationships or parenting, or even just being part of a traumatic experience (hence the name). I’ve seen humor work wonders for dealing with PTSD. It helps to get the person’s mind off the trauma. So, in honor of those I served with, those I never got to serve with, and those who did waaaay more than I ever accomplished in my pitiful military career…here’s some military humor for you…

A buddy of mine enlisted…after 4 tries at the ASVAB test, he finally got a passing score. He mans a tank; funny, huh?

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: “I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 19 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble, Sarge.”

Here’s a few ‘declassified’ quotes from random members of the forces, although the submitters desired anonymity. Culled from Strategy Page which is quickly becoming one of my new favorite sites. Give it a look, definitely.

“I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, ‘It’s no problem,’ he means, for him,” EUCOM Major.

“Please don’t laugh. This is my job,” EUCOM Major explaining in great detail the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs

“If we wait until the last minute to do it, it’ll only take a minute.”

“We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot,” Lt. Colonel on life at his Command.

“I’ll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat…” Lt. Colonel, after being given a difficult task.

“I may be slow, but I do poor work…” a US Major.

“Don’t ever be the first…don’t ever be the last…and don’t ever volunteer to do anything….” A Navy Commander relating an old Navy proverb (I’ve seen it in land-based ideologies, too). The reason is…the first guy into the room gets surprised by the ambush, the last guy into the room gets picked off silently by the enemy sniper, and the guys in the middle are the ones who survive to write the memoir about the brutal battle.

“The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of ‘Rs’ in fat chance…” Civilian Gov’t Employee

“His knowledge in that topic is only Power Point deep,” US Major

“Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule,” Chief Warrant Officer

“Never pet a burning dog,” Lt. Colonel in the Tenn. Nat’l Guard

And finally, a quote attributed to late President Ronald Reagan: “Status Quo as you know is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in’.”

Stay tuned all week as I’m going to put up sections of the Murphy’s Law of Combat list, a few dozen a day, just to brighten your Veteran’s Week!

We were at our local Denny’s Restaurant last night, where we like to frequent because the food is good, the prices are decent, and the service is pretty damn good. So needless to say I was feeling in a salad mood and I got a Grilled Chicken Salad. My fiancé was in a Chicken Sandwich mood so she got their Grilled Chicken Avocado Sandwich, but she doesn’t like the Avocado or Pico de Gallo that comes on it.

Sadly for her, she can’t pronounce Pico de Gallo properly, she always winds up stumbling over the Spanish somehow. So she’s grown fond of telling our usual waiter, “I’ll take the Chicken Avocado Sandwich, no avocado and no Pico de…pico…no Pikachu.”

Lo and behold when Keith, our waiter, returned with our food he put down my salad and my dressing, then placed her sandwich down, and finally sat down a bowl with a Pikachu key ring fob on it and exclaimed, “Oh shoot, I specifically told them no Pikachu!”

Conversation overheard between two men on their way out of work; one of them is a Russian immigrant. They were talking about St. Patrick’s Day.

The first man was asking if the Russian was going to do anything for St. Paddy’s Day. The Russian said he had no plans, which prompted the other guy to ask, “Do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in Russia?”

The Russian shook his head and laughed, “No, we don’t have St. Patrick’s Day. But we do have a holiday that falls around a similar time.”

But the best part was the last bit after his punch line. When the other guy said, “End of winter? That sounds like a nice holiday,” the Russian hit him with a second punch line, “In Northern Russia they celebrate the end of winter for two weeks in July.”