Think of your voice and your breath as fun sex toys that you always have with you, cost nothing, and don’t require a trip, virtual or otherwise, to the sex store. Simple ways of making sound and directing your breath can quickly get you and your partner into another level of intensity. You just need to be brave enough to bring it out.

Ready to try?

Start with slow, deep breaths – Breathing is a cue to the body about how to channel energy. Slow deep breaths tell our bodies to relax, to open up to sensation, and for most of us a good deep breath is long overdue and just feels good. Bring in breath so that your lower belly fills up, then as you let it out imagine that your tension is melting. Deep breaths are great when your partner is focused on pleasing you and you get to lay back and receive (and can help relieve any shyness you may feel about being pleasured).

Move with your breath– Now that you are breathing deeply, you can rock your pelvis along with your breath. You may tilt your pelvis back on the in breath and tuck it forward on your out breath. These can be small gentle movements; think rocking, not thrusting at this point. There is no right or wrong with this, see what feels right for you. Just use your breath as an invitation to move your body. Let your breath deepen so that you can hear it. Don’t be surprised if your breathing starts to get faster…

Faster and deeper – As you get more turned on, your breath will change. You can help with that by consciously speeding up your breathing. Try taking in mini-gulps of air, like gasps. As you do that imagine your sensation building.

Let sound come out – If you are breathing deeply, you may naturally be making some luscious noise. Just let your mouth open, relax your jaw, and let your breath come out fully as a sigh. If that feels good, turn it into a moan. Making sound engages your whole body and keeps energy flowing, which is good for intensity. Making sound cues your partner to your pleasure and that is a huge turn on. But it is not just for your partner - I really recommend that you make sound when you masturbate too, so that you can ride your own excitement and get used to hearing yourself.

Sound = Vibration - Sound involves little vibrations. If you have ever chanted OM in yoga class, you may have experienced the resonation of sound into your belly. Using your mouth and sound creates a nice little vibration for sensitive spots. If you have your mouth on your partner for some oral play, make a little ‘MMM’ sound. Gently holding a nipple in your mouth and humming – oh yeah.

Feeling the breath - You can use your breath to create coolness or warmth on your partner’s skin. Lick a place and then blow gently on it from an inch away and watch the goosebumps rise. Lick a place and bring your open mouth close to the skin and breath out, wet, warmth. Blow like a light tickle, whisper secrets into their skin. Sensation play, no props needed.

Say it – Say “yes”, say “please’, say “oh god, don’t stop!”. Tell your partner what you are about to do. Tell your partner what you would like them to do. Using your voice can be a huge part of the fun – even the whole part if you are engaging in phone sex or just opting for a safe sex choice. This can be part of the sex play hours before you get naked together. And it can be especially fun in building anticipation with a partner who is happily restrained or blindfolded. Talking dirty is its own sexplay toolkit, and I will write more specifically about that next time…

For now, try these simple intensity boosts. If making sound feels embarrassing to you, I highly recommend you start with using breath as a gentle introduction. Play music so that you feel surrounded by sound. You can also try muffling your sounds by moaning into a pillow or an open palm over your mouth. Restricting your sound, is its own kind of play. But in any case, breath is powerful. When in doubt, take a deep breath,… let it out slowly. Enjoy.

Melissa Fritchle is the author of The Conscious Sexual Self Workbook and a Holistic Psychotherapist, licensed in California as a Marriage and Family Therapist (Lic#48627). She has a private practice specializing in Sex Therapy and Couples Therapy. She travels far and wide, internationally and on the internet, to spread compassionate, sex positive, diverse, realistic sex education.