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Friday, August 09, 2013

The Anthony Weiner campaign’s communications director is in trouble for calling a former intern an inappropriate name. But Weiner said he’d take care of it. He promised to give them both a good texting to. -Jimmy Fallon

The ban on giant sugary sodas has been overturned. You can now go to 7-eleven and get yourself a soda cup. There’s one so big that Simon and Garfunkel had a reunion concert in it. The soda cup is so big that the Wallenda guy walked across the top of it. We have sugary sodas the size of rooftop water tanks here in New York City. -David Letterman

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language’s most offensive C-word. -John Oliver

More problems for Mr. Weiner. It seems the 22-year-old woman he was sexting with, Sydney Leathers, is now here in Los Angeles to meet with LA’s biggest porn producer. They want her to make a porn movie with an Anthony Weiner lookalike. A lookalike? Why not just use Anthony Weiner? He’s gonna need a job. We’ve seen his promo package. -Jay Leno

At an airport in Connecticut a man was arrested after saying he had a bomb. He was released as soon as he showed police his DVD of 'The Lone Ranger.' -Conan O'Brien

It is Jamaican Independence Day. Today in Jamaica, everyone spent the entire day smoking, drinking, and having a great time ˜ and then they remembered it was Jamaican Independence Day. -Craig Ferguson

Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon.com, just bought The Washington Post for $250 million. He just walked into the Post's headquarters and said, 'Add to cart.' -Jimmy Fallon