The Road Less Traveled

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost

Our infertility journey has been on the road less traveled. No matter what journey you are on, you might feel like you are on this road too. Personally, I wish I wasn’t traveling down this road. There has been nothing easy or glamorous about it. It’s been lonely. It’s been difficult and to me this quote is nothing more than just that, a quote, because so far being on this road hasn’t made a difference at all. It’s been a road without answers and it sure hasn’t solved any of our problems. It hasn’t resulted in a pregnancy and it hasn’t changed our circumstances.

Should I take the road more traveled instead? Should I take the normal road? The one that most people suggest?

Those questions pop into my head often. It’s tempting. While not necessarily easy, the road more traveled seems to provide movement forward. Yes, It still comes with a season of waiting. Yes, there is still heartache. Yes, it involves what most people going through infertility know all about: doctor’s appointments, shots, medications, procedures, lots of money, and doctors reports and updates with medical information. It provides feedback and again, sometimes that isn’t good feedback, but even when it’s not good, I ask myself is bad feedback better than no feedback at all?

None of the above sounds fun to me. The shots. The negative pregnancy tests. The canceled cycles. I know it isn’t fun to those who are going through it, but the majority of women who are going through infertility don’t pursue those options because they are fun, but because that is what results in a baby, which is obviously the end result we all desire.

And me and my journey? Silence. Yes, there were appointments at the beginning and there has been the occasional checkup, but that has become less frequent over the years. So, why the road less traveled? Why are we on this road? Why does taking the road less traveled seem so much harder? Why can’t our road be the one that most people travel down? Is it better to sacrifice the more traveled road to take the road we feel the Lord is leading us on?

So many questions. My mind is spinning. I am not sure I have any of the answers.

Although I feel lonely, out of place, and most times don’t have many answers, I do know that God led us down this road. Because of this road, I get questioned and I am given way too much advice with the push to switch roads, but I know that my road has purpose. I want to take the road more traveled, because it seems like the proactive road to take. But, until told otherwise by the Lord, we are going to stick to the road less traveled. It’s not easy. It’s not pretty. But, I am believing at the end of the road there will be answers. There will be reward. There will be celebration and for now, that is what reminds me to keep walking on this road.

37 Comments

This was something I thought about a lot during our journey, as well…and something I reflect back on now. I didn’t understand (during that time) why I didn’t feel like we should pursue IVF, while I also didn’t particularly feel led toward adoption or anything else…except for I never lost the burning desire to be a mom, so it was confusing why I didn’t feel led toward any of the paths that might get me there!!, haha. But now I look back and it’s like THANK GOD we didn’t…because maybe IVF would have worked, and maybe I would have had a baby in 2010 or 2012…and that would have been perfect and wonderful and amazing, but it wouldn’t have been Millie. I would have missed out on being Millie’s mom. And I can’t imagine anything worse than not being her mom. So it’s weird. Obviously it’s easier (and a lot more comforting, happy, etc.) to have this perspective from the “other” side, but I just know I’m so thankful that I didn’t “give in” to pursuing situations and procedures that I just didn’t feel like I was supposed to…because by not doing that, I eventually became the parent to the daughter I was absolutely supposed to. Much love, friend. Your journey is absolutely not easy, but I will join you in praying that a) it ends soon and b) it will be so, so worth it.

Quinona

Thank you for sharing this. Just this morning I was questioning my decision to not want to go down the iui/ivf road, feeling like maybe I’m being too dramatic about this. But then I read your reply, and it confirmed what I though, I want God to show his glory, I don’t want anything to do with it, and this is not to say that those who go another path are wrong (I think we all have our own journey and God is in it all!) It’s just that I need to be content in what the spirit has put on my heart! Thank you for adding hope to my day! 🙂

Amanda

First of all it hurts my heart for you to say you feel alone, I know I can speak for anyone that visits your blog in saying we are all here for you sweet lady 🙂 Although I am not on the same path as you, in this situation or another, it’s easy to be tempted to do what ‘everyone else is doing’ but I think it says a ton about you that you stick with what you know the Lord has called you to do. hugs!!

Paxetbonum

I totally agree with you about not pursuing IVF. Not only in my case it was forbidden (I am Catholic) but I really felt uncomfortable about embryo selection, forgotten frozen embryos and use of a donor outside the couple.

Dear Caroline, I found your blog a few months ago when another blogger I follow mentioned yours (I don’t remember who it was!), so I started following you simply because of the recommendation. But as I started reading your story and other posts, I came to realize that your journey, of all the infertility bloggers that I follow, is the closest to mine. Because we too have been married 5 years (next month), and are not pursuing medical treatment for our infertility. Every time we talk about whether it’s time to, we continue to feel God calling us to just trust him.
I often feel all the things talked about in this post, along with the I Don’t Belong post. Thank you for putting it into words, and sharing with all of us. Thank you for the encouragement. And know that you are not alone on this road – there are at least a few others with you!

Hey girls, me too! It’s great to be able to connect with a fellow sojourner on the road less traveled! We’ve been married for almost 10 years, have been trying for almost 7. We did pursue some fertility treatments for a while but decided 3 years ago to simply trust God’s plan, whatever that may be. It can be a lonely road to walk, but I’m always encouraged when I find someone else who understands. 🙂

Aggie

I feel with you in every word you say! we are in the same road! We have had many People, strangers, Family or Friends giving us advice or trying to motivate us to take the other road! But because God has given us in different occasions a word where he showed us how he wanted to glorify himseld through this whole journey! And a few times we have been so close to ‘change Roads’, because we were tiered of having no answers.. but then God has always stoped us in one way or the other, showing us that he wanted to do it HIS way! It hasn’t been easy but I know HE is faithful and will not leave his promise unfulfilled! God bless you and lets keep on holding on to his promises!

Hang in there girl. God brings nothing into our lives without a Kingdom centered purpose. His word clearly states that we are to go where He leads. Keep following. You are not alone. We felt led to only go as far as meds despite what others told us. We did not feel God giving us the go for any other medical interventions and I believe because we stuck true to His calling for us, we were rewarded. You will be too. Blessings are coming in ways you can’t yet imagine.

torthúil

I think when you are afraid of something not working out, or you have no tangible proof it’s going to work out, life always feels lonelier. You show great courage in persevering in the face of that loneliness and doubt. While your reasons for doing so are personal and specific, everybody will face a similar challenge at some point in their life (or already is). Most of our presumed certainties are an illusion after all. All the people giving “advice” could learn a lot from you.

Oh sweet friend this is one totally tugged on my heart. God has called you to this road for a purpose that will all be revealed in his time. Know that obedience is better than sacrifice but your faith is not going unnoticed. I can’t wait for the day to rejoice with you when your promise is fulfilled.Hang in there and know that you always have a friend in me.

It’s so easy to question what way we should go when dealing with infertility and there is never a right answer. I am sorry that you are hurting and I will send prayers your way to help heal your hurt and loneliness. Just remember that you aren’t alone. xo

Frost was always my favorite poet, it’s what led me to your heartfelt post. Perhaps your chosen road also serves as a conduit for you to share your challenging times with others experiencing the same. Your helping to ease the loneliness and despair of many woman sharing the same struggle. Your post tells others they are not alone. And that does make all the difference, friend.

I have lived my life in a very similar way, not with infertility but with career choices, life choices, choices counter to what everyone else thinks is best, and because of it I’ve often struggled financially, emotionally or socially. But as I see it, through all of my “opting for His will” I feel like I have been able to become closer to God and am profoundly rooted. Blessed Teresa of Calcutta followed Jesus in a crazy exquisite way because one day she heard his voice direct her to the poor of Calcutta, we all thought that, because of her witness of Gods love to so many, she surely must have been constantly directed by Him, only to find that in her death she felt abandoned and alone most of her beautiful life. But look how her courage affected the world! My point is that like you, like me, she knew what she was about. We can’t deny who we are. Her life was far from easy but the way God worked through her brought hope to a world in desperate need of hope. That is what a commitment to being a follower of Christ is all about, isn’t it? Whatever the final path is, trusting in God’s wisdom and God’s timing. Humbling ourselves to know that He has our best interest at heart. Your life, your witness and your road make all of the difference. (Xo)

I am a firm believer that we when we go on the road and path we feel called to, we are doing the right thing. We chose the path of stopping treatments and not to adopt but I do feel it is the path we are suppose to be on. On those days of questioning, remember that following where you feel you are called brings more comfort than making yourself follow the crowd.

I always want to have wonderful inspiring words for you, and they always allude me. The journey God has given you is certainly less traveled, but I do know He loves you and has great plans for you. For you are His precious daughter.

I love how the rest of Frost’s quote goes…taking the road less traveled is what makes all the difference. It’s a hard road, that’s for sure. But it leads to destinations that the common road could never lead to! I am fully convinced God is always moving in mighty ways on the road less traveled…He has lead me to insight and knowledge of His character that I never would have discovered on the road more traveled. And every now and then you see a fellow traveler on the road waving hi. Hi!!! 🙂

May the Lord bless you on this journey. He has wonderful surprises down the Lord. It’s wonderful that you are seeking to follow Him in all things, even these deep, deep desires of your heart. May He bless you. ❤️

“Although I feel lonely, out of place, and most times don’t have many answers, I do know that God led us down this road.”

Although we often feel alone because we may not have people going through anything remotely similar near us, we clearly are not really alone. Look at these comments!

Sometimes, too, I think people around us try TOO hard to make us not feel alone. I don’t suffer from infertility, but I do suffer from recurrent miscarriage, and the most recent one was at 12 weeks. When women at church say “It’s okay, I had one miscarriage at 5 weeks and now I have 4 kids!” That makes me feel like an alien, as I’m sure “Just relax” or “As soon as I stopped trying I got pregnant!” does for you.

Caroline you sweet lovely lady! You are not alone al though I understand your reference. If this is the path you are called to then have faith it will end soon. Always always in my prayers Caroline. I constantly remind him how wonderful and faithful you are to him. I will never stop praying until I see you become the wonderful mother I imagine you to be. Hoping we can meet soon if you aren’t out of town during the summer. Hugs!

That actually happened to us. There didn’t feel like that push to start fertility treatments for quite a few years. Chase and I went on vacations a lot, and loved just spending time with us. I’m not sure the switch or the push for us (maybe age has that effect? or maybe we just weren’t ready, I’m not sure…), but now we are on that path (2nd IVF in July) and it is a very long, hard, patient emotional roller coaster. Don’t feel bad for deciding this path, you are doing what you and your husband feel called to do, and that’s perfectly okay!

I totally get it. My family is doing the same thing with our finances. God has told us both no jobs, no assistance, just trust him for everything. So for the last 10 months we have lived without any income or assistance. It’s crazy, but God literally brings people to us who hear our story to donate — not out of pity or amazement, but because God tells them to give. It is building a testimony for us. Until he releases us we remain — and trust me we have tried to get jobs and it always closes — as missionaries we are doing the work the Lord has given. It sounds crazy to many, but HE leads us. I so get it.

Oh, Sweet Sister…. Hugs to you! You didn’t ask my opinion, for cure, but I think you should definitely stick to the road God has put you on, and not switch to the Road More Traveled. Which, by the way, reminds me of Christian’s journey in Pilgrim’s Progress – have you read it? I think you will see lots of parallels between your journey and his. 🙂

We all take the road we are guided to take. I firmly believe God put you on this road for a purpose and he will grant the desires in your heart. Even though you might feel alone someday you are NEVER alone for He is always with you!

Know that we are continuing to keep your family in our thoughts and prayers. You posts are a huge encouragement as well, as we are on our own journey filled with unique challenges–so the reminder to remain faithful and persistent is both encouraging and timely.

Caroline, you know how much I admire your strength and perseverance as you walk the road you are on! I don’t think ANY of the infertility roads come easy, and yet I’m sure it is particularly lonely to walk a path that looks different from so many others in the community. Even though it’s lonely, you are NOT alone! You are surrounded by people of great faith who are believing with you and for you!

Exactly what I feel year after year, but my love for God and doing HIS will is the only thing that keeps me waiting here, this lonely, confusing, empty journey that sometimes seems too much to bare. Praying for all of us who continue to do “nothing” but wait on His faithfulness.