Should Players Shout Back At Shouting Parents?

Some of the things I've heard adults yell
at children at soccer games are just downright hilarious. Like the coach who
yelled at a 6-year-old, "Give him a target on the flank!"

Oh, how I wish the kids would start
shouting back. Go ahead and give an earful right back to the loudmouths on the
sideline.

I would have loved to see the little boy
turn around and say:

"Excuse me! Give him a target on the
what? Do you realize I'm 6 years old? How little time do you spend with
6-year-olds that would make you think 'Give him a target on the flank' makes
any sense to us? Maybe after we learn how to kick the ball farther than five
yards we can start giving each other targets on the whatever."

If you've been around youth soccer games
you've probably noticed that whenever a little kid manages to break away from
the pack and toward the goal, the shrill screams of "Shoot! Shoot!
Shoot!" begin. How wonderful it would be if a kid would just stop in
mid-stride, turn to the sideline, and shout:

"Listen here, and listen good! I KNOW
I'm supposed to shoot. I'm 6 years old, but I'm not an idiot. And what if I
didn't want to shoot? What if I wanted to dribble around the goalkeeper. Am I
allowed to do that, or are you in charge of every movement and every decision I
make out here?"

One the most common screams from the
sidelines is "Pass it! Pass it! Pass it! Pass it! Pass it! Pass it!"
I want a little kid to tell them:

"So you've noticed that I've gained
enough confidence to try to dribble through a mass of kids who are kicking at
my shins. You see, I've been playing around with the ball in my yard and I'm
starting to figure out this dribbling thing. And you want to discourage me!
Well guess what? I'm going to ignore you. When my teammates start asking for
the ball, then I'll start thinking about whether I should keep dribbling or
pass the ball."

I once heard a mom yell at a child to pass
the ball before the 6-year-old even got control of it.

"Hey Mom, do realize how ridiculous
you sound?"

Just last weekend a chubby girl of about 8
years old was racing back to her own half. Watching her run was a delight. She
waddled a bit, but was picking up speed and had a marvelous look of
determination on her cute little face. When she stepped over the halfway line,
the coach growled, "Stop! You're a forward! Get back up front."

Boy will she get confused if she stays
with game and later gets admonished for "not tracking back." Instead
of looking up at the coach with guilt, I wish she would have headed over to the
sideline and said, "I'll run around on this field however I please!"

Yes, a lot of the sideline shouting is so
inane it's comical. But it's also sad.

Last season, when we didn't have a referee
for my under-8 girls team, I took the whistle. Our team's opponents got
screamed at by their coach and parents throughout the entire game.

When one of their girls took a shot, our
keeper made one of the most amazing saves I'd ever seen a 7-year-old make. She
lunged and stuck her little hand out to block a very well struck shot.

The coach shouted, "I told you to
shoot earlier!"

The girl who almost scored looked over at
the burly screamer with an expression of genuine guilt, as if she had done
something terribly wrong. It was a look of pure sorrow.

What can one possibly say to a coach like
that?

This article was provided by our friends at Soccer
America Magazine's Youth Insider