In April 2013, 25-year-old Sara Elizabeth Soto was a viral sensation when she got naked and climbed through a doogy door. She was discovered in the bathtub belonging to a married couple in Weatherford, Texas, and in an interview with MTV, she finally explained how she got there. It sounds awful.

Like all good stories, the night began when her parents told her she was adopted. She wanted to get out of the house, so she hopped into her car, which “spun out of control because of an 18-wheeler, and I wind up in a ditch.” Soto arrived at the police station in Weatherford around 1 a.m.

“I thought [the cop] was going to help me get help. I ask to use a phone to call my mom…These are his exact words: ‘That’s not my problem; there’s a gas station three blocks that way.’ The cop did not help me call my mom — he sent me walking in a little black dress…I didn’t have any money.

She left the station and began wandering the town.

“I start going to people’s backyards. I’ve NEVER broken into a house before. I have music in my head, I have Led Zeppelin going, I’m in ninja mode. [I decide] I’ll grab a cell phone, call my mom and leave. I’ll meet her at an intersection. I’m going by windows in people’s backyards, and I’m nervous. I see this doggy door.”

YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT (except you will).

“What went through my mind subconsciously was, if I take off my dress at this doggy door, I cannot get blamed for stealing anything [or having a weapon] if I have nowhere to put it. Two, the shock factor. If somebody were to be in there, whether it was a male or female, they’d ask me, ‘Are you OK?’ So I take off my dress and panties at the doggy door, so they wouldn’t shoot me…so they’re not scared of me stealing or trying to kill anybody.”

Makes…sense?

“I don’t see a phone and the alarm sounded and I was like, ‘S–t,’ but I was already in the house. I saw one door, it was the bathroom, so I sit in there…The husband says, ‘It must’ve been an animal.’…He keeps looking around the house, peeps his head in and sees me.

“I guess I did have a smile on my face like they said in the articles — it was just one of those faces, like, ‘Hello!’ Hoping he’d be, like, ‘What the f–k?’ and just let me out of here. He’s like, ‘Honey, there’s a girl in the bathroom,’ and [the wife] goes, ‘CALL THE COPS!’

A likely story. I think the more logical explanation is the husband was having an affair and Soto was going to rat him out, so he hired a guy with an 18-wheeler to “take care” of her. Except the driver messed up, and she stumbled to the only person she knew in the town: the husband. (In the movie based on their lives, he’ll be played by Richard Gere; she’ll get Julia Stiles. Hey, it’s a limited budget.)

“They arrested me and gave me my dress back — everybody asked if they put me in handcuffs naked — but they didn’t give me my panties back. I don’t know where they are.”

If you know the panties’ whereabouts, please hit up Sara Toke-A-Lot (that’s her rap name). Anyway, head over to MTV to read the rest of the story, which involves panic attacks and pepper spray.

There is no way this is true. Dude was railing her and his wife caught them.

07.29.14 at 2:12 pm

sunny-dee

Oh, she’s lying, but I wouldn’t jump to believing she’s nailing the husband. When I was a reporter, I handled the police blotter, and drunk or high people strip off their clothes and hide in the weirdest places — under kitchen tables, in bushes, in unlocked cars. All. The. Time. No matter how small the town, every single day someone is going to get hammered and end up naked somewhere.