3 Steps to stand up for yourself (and my bad experience)

No better way of explaining something than telling my own stories, laughing at them and then shutting down this blog because of eternal humiliation. Kidding! You’re not that lucky. 😛

This morning, while I was slowly, and I mean really slowly… ok, ok… literally 3 hours slowly, ahhh, waking up, two stories from my childhood popped out in my head. I was thinking what did I learn from those embarrassing stories, and what kind of wisdom to share with my dear readers. I decided to tell you a story about me losing my pants in the public. The other story will wait for some other posts. Thank you for waiting!

I was in prime school back then. Very shy, nervous and quiet girl. Would be afraid of my own shadow if that thing could talk to me. The break was at the end and everybody had to stand in line and slowly enter the school when the teacher allows it. Kids, as kids, were playing and joking around (totally unexpected lol), while I was standing, staring and praying to enter the school as soon as possible (because sitting and just starring is way less awkward, lol again).

Two girls from my classroom were annoyingly too playful. Meaning, they were provoking other classmates by pulling their pants down. Everybody was handy, and they managed to hold still their pants, or it was because of their belts and lastik around their waist. Everybody except me. They came from the back, and my cheap pants were on the floor in the second. Guess what happened… of course, everybody was laughing and pointing their fingers at me (in 22 years from that point I will figure out that I like the attention, but will still not choose this kind of “glory”).

I was so stressed out and embarrassed that I just wanted to run to my house, which was only 2 minutes away, but I didn’t. Not because I had balls to handle everything, it was because I learned how to suffer quietly like a true masochist (this is NOT an advice!). I didn’t cry and that’s maybe because I sweated it all. I pulled my pants up, and continued waiting, wanting to disappear into the ground.

That day, when I arrived home (yes, long trip of 2 minutes of walking), I was noticeably fucked up. Like shit in the rain – a common saying from the locals. My lovely granny… hah kidding… my “always pissed grandma” (APG) come to me and asked me wtf is wrong with me. As a closed girl, I was avoiding to tell her, but her” good for troubles” nose was persistent.

I spat it out, and APG eruption started. Yelling, swearing and threatening… She wanted revenge, and I was like “nooo, I don’t want cause the troubles!”, but my words weren’t important that much.

She wanted names, and the day after she went with me to the school (embarrassing af), and she said so many bad words that the devil himself would be ashamed. The girls were so embarrassed that I felt a bit of justice.

The point why am I writing you about this silly anecdote is to make fun of myself. Kidding (partially lol)! It’s because I want to say a few words about stepping up for yourself. This is really not an example how to do it, this is how NOT to do it. I realize that there are many examples similar to this one, and that’s why I’m sharing this short story hoping to help at least one person out there.

First thing when it comes to healthy survival is to:

#1 Know your value

When you’re aware of how huge your worth is, then everything else will come naturally. If you fall down in the moment of embarrassment, you firstly lose yourself. By losing yourself, you’re losing the “battle”, and you just end up as a wimp. And wimp in the public is a smaller problem than a wimp in the front of yourself. The same “I am wimp” words will follow you through every situation, and you’re going to be an endless loser. You will probably not even try things or you will avoid situations or you will call someone else to take care of your stuff. Tempting characteristics? I don’t think so. Maybe your taste is different, so forget about these words. 😀

By knowing your value, you will be able to:

#2 Keep your temper

There is a reaction that I want to fap-fap onto every time I see it, and that is sophisticatedly saying “fuck off” to the person that is doing harm to you.

There is nothing sexier than when you keep your cool, and calmly express your true thoughts on that person’s bad behavior, and walk away if you feel like it.

#3 Assertiveness as ally

Psychologist Randy J. Peterson says “assertiveness is an anxiety-reduction procedure to face that which we fear, which is standing up for ourselves, saying what our boundaries are”.

Learning to assert yourself starts by understanding that you are not trying to control what other people do, but rather you’re controlling your own actions.

People who struggle with being assertive usually behave in one of three ways when they encounter situations when they want to assert themselves. They might be passive, and always give in; aggressive, and force people to bend to their will; or passive-aggressive, and wreak sneaky revenge instead of getting their way.

And passive-aggressive people try to have it both ways, giving in to others but then doling out punishment in sneaky ways—“forgetting” to follow through, backstabbing or sabotaging projects, for example. The key to passive aggression is deniability. You can deny that you had any intention of harming the other person…. Typically, passive-aggressives see themselves as [only] passive.

I will write more about assertiveness in the future, so let me keep some goodies for the next posts. ?

My story has elements of passive-aggressive and masochist behavior (do my “dirty” work AGP, because I am “not able” on my own), and it’s definitely not an example!