Thank you for joining me on this journey. It's never been easy, and I don't ever expect it to be. There may be times when you don't agree with me, and that's OK. Never be afraid to share your feelings with me, that's what I'm here for and what has kept me going. I'm not a licensed professional, but I have more than 20 years experience with mental illness.
You can find our podcast, Voices for Change 2.0 at
www.blogtalkradio.com/leftofstr8

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Racing Thoughts

For
well over 20 years, I have been battling this thing called bipolar
disorder.A big part of my struggle
centers around racing thoughts and the anxiety that they create.After having dealt with this issue for so
long, I was beginning to think I had a handle on the situation.I worked very hard to develop my own coping skills, using a great deal of self-talk.If you’re unfamiliar with this term, I’ll
break it down for you.It is essentially what one would think.Talking to yourself using encouragement and
common sense.At least, that’s my
definition.

I
have been able to talk myself down on a pretty consistent basis by realizing
that all of the obsessing over anything and everything wasn’t going to change
the outcome.If that didn’t help, I
would write down whatever I was thinking.This helped me achieve some
peace.If none of that was helpful, then
I tried to picture one thing in my mind and focus on just that.I put all of my efforts into noticing the colors and the landscape of whatever I
chose to focus on.

I
was pretty successful in these endeavors for quite some time.However, in the last 3-4 months, nothing
seems to help.The hardest time is at night when I am trying to sleep.I could be
tired around 10:00 or 11:00 pm,
but the battle to actually fall asleep
can last until 4:00 or 5:00 am.It’s an exhausting and frustrating way to
live.Once I do fall asleep, I can’t
wake up until far too late in the day because
I am so tired, I feel as if I’ve been drugged.One can imagine that I’m not getting a lot
done under these circumstances.

I
don’t know about you, but I am flat-out a basket case if I don’t get enough
sleep at night.I get the shakes, my vision
is blurry, I have headaches, and I’m often nauseated.So, these last few months have been a
struggle for me.I’m trying so hard to
keep a positive outlook on everything, but this lack of sleep is causing an
extremely negative frame of mind.I’ve
spoken to my doctor, and he has increased one of my medications, but frankly it’s not helping.Not even a little bit.I’ve tried everything at this point. Turning
off the TV, using thunderstorm sound effects, even combining my medication with
Benadryl.I’m extremely aggravated, and
I just want to know when it’s going to come to an end.

I’m
at a point in my life where I should be feeling extremely optimistic about what
lies ahead.My first and possibly only
book is set to release this week.I am
truly grateful to be able to say that I have made it this far.However, it is
difficult to jump for joy when you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.Next week, I have to see the specialist about
my back.We’ve had to reschedule a
couple of times. This last time because our cat, Hayley was very sick.Which, of
course, added to my inability to sleep.I’m sure that if I wasn’t in this much pain, and I could be more active
during the day, I could probably sleep better at night.I’m willing to test that theory if I can ever get some relief for my
Sciatica.

Depression,
anxiety, fear, grief, nightmares, PTSD…all of these things can lead to racing
thoughts.It’s like a row of
dominos.Just tap on one, and the rest
will fall.I just wish a resolution
could be achieved a bit quicker.I know what happens to me emotionally when
the lack of sleep finally gets to me.It’s
not pretty, and I really don’t want to revisit it. I’ll
keep trying, and I’ll keep fighting because that’s what I do.Will I be successful?

Not
100% of the time, but for every time I’ve stumbled I’ve gotten back up stronger
and wiser.

Here
goes nothing.

You can pick up my book on Amazon or by visiting my website: www.rebeccalombardo.com

About Me

I have been happily married to the man of my dreams for 15 years. We have 5 cats that we adore, and a little house that we are renovating. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at 19. It has been a constant struggle in my life, and has caused a great deal of turmoil.

Despite my illness, my husband has stayed by my side and I have learned to grow from my challenges. I am now a published author and my book is available on Amazon!