I am She, and She is Me

For the longest time, I have felt that I fall extremely short in having humility. I have spent much of my life prideful and also fearful. I have felt that if I can’t be the best at certain things, then where is my value? If somebody excels at something, somehow I start to feel worse about myself. I know these thoughts are backwards, but I can’t help myself.

I have prayed for charity for those around me. I have prayed to be able to let go of my jealousies. I have prayed to have love for my “enemies.”

And oh, how I have admired those who are able to cheer on everyone around them, with no discrimination and no need for recognition themselves. I want to be one of those people; but when I try, it always feels very forced. And it requires a lot of mental exertion to go against my natural inclination of jealousy and feeling “less than.”

“Independently forcing ourselves to have humility and trying to make ourselves love others is insincere and hollow, and it simply doesn’t work. Our sins and pride create a breach—or a gap—between us and the font of all love, our Heavenly Father. “

But lately I feel like I’m feeling a sort of breakthrough, a merciful change of heart from God.

It started at Time Out for Women. Zandra Vranes gave a life-changing “spoken word poem.” The kind where you get the chills because of her inspiring vulnerability, pin-pricking truth, and excellent delivery. The kind where the whole audience jumps up with a standing ovation. It was titled, “I am She, and She is Me.” Racism and sisterhood were the primary topics; but for me, the message opened my mind to a universe of connection.

We universally crave human connection. Could it be that the reason is because we are all more physically connected than we realize? What about the fact that we are all spirit children of God…? Are we all bound together in spirit somehow, unseen to the human eye, as brothers and sisters? Do we all carry some sort of homogenous spiritual substance from our Heavenly Parents with us? What about the way God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ are one? Just how connected are they? Can we all be connected as fully as they are?

I don’t think I am eloquent enough to describe this change in my perspective, but this is what God has granted me: I am starting to be able to look at everyone around me as if they ARE me. We are ONE.

She is better than me at something? That is wonderful; seriously, way to go! I am She, and She is Me.

She is hurting and alone? Wanting to help bear her burden becomes very easy because I am She, and She is Me.

She has messed up big time and made serious mistakes? Let me be the first in line to extend mercy because I am She, and She is Me.

She rubs me the wrong way and seems to judge me at every turn? I can extend my patience for her journey and realize she is not a badly finished product because I am She, and She is Me.

I can truly love her!

And this new perspective doesn’t feel forced or contrived, like I sometimes feel when trying to force charity. It feels very real and true to me. I feel like this insight has been a gift from God, an answer to prayer. It feels different than the idea of just imagining how someone else feels; it is one step further – I AM she; she IS me.

Of course, I am not perfect in applying this perspective; it may depend on the day and how “at one” I am with God. But I have found it applies well in any relationship. In marriage (I am he, and he is me): Can I envision us as truly “one flesh?” Can I parent with this perspective in the middle of a tantrum? I am my daughter, and my daughter is me.

My parting thought is about having the right kind of confidence so that jealousy has no place in my heart:

I don’t have to be or do anything to have great worth. My value as a daughter of God is the same and is unchanged no matter what I do.

And that is the beautiful, gospel truth.

“[W]e put His will first and with a broken heart plead that Christ will pour streams of cleansing water into our pitcher. At first it may come drop by drop, but as we seek, ask, and obey, it will come abundantly. This living water will begin to fill us, and brimming with His love, we can tip the pitcher of our soul and share its contents with others who thirst for healing, hope, and belonging. As our inner pitcher becomes clean, our earthly relationships begin to heal.” –Neill F. Marriott

As I read that final quote, I get the overwhelming feeling that I haven’t arrived, and this is just a baby step on my journey to feeling more of Christ’s love for others. But for now, for me, it is working.