December 26, 2012

every year my friend Ali posts a story about her 'one little word' for the year and every year i try and join along.

i usually pick a word, but time gets away from me and i ususally don't end up doing much with it, other than remembering it and trying to keep it a focus in my life.

sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't - because life happens, and i'm okay with that.

it may come as no surprise, based upon my recent posts, that the word i have chosen for this year is

BELIEVE

as i mentioned before, the center where i was treated and where my oncologist was is called the Willamette Valley Cancer Research Institute, and they also call themselves the 'Believe Institute'.

i haven't gone many places where i haven't seen this word in posters, advertising, christmas ornaments, etc and so i want to concentrate on this word.

as a 'sub' word for the year, i'll also be concentrating on the word

FRIEND

so many people sent me cards, e-mails, letters and phone calls to wish me well and tell me they were praying for me. it really taught me a lesson - when i'm prompted to send a card or and e-mail or make a phone call, to just do it. because you never know when you'll bless someone, or receive a blessing from them. i need to be a better friend.

so, if you're inclined, head on over to Ali's blog and post your 'one little word'. you never know the journey it will take you on

December 18, 2012

As Dr. Lewis had instructed, i waited for a call from the oncologists office, and as promised, they called the next morning. i had been assigned Dr. Dotters, whose office was with Willamette Valley Cancer Institute and Research Center.

(now, if you know me at all, you know i don't like change. when Dr. Lewis said he wouldn't be performing the surgery, i was taken a bit off guard. the reason was because the surgery was due to cancer, and an oncologist would have to perform it. wait . . . . .he's taken care of me for 17 years - ever since i was pregnant with Sami. would there be anyone who would care for me and take such good care of me as he has done all of these years ? )

so, what's a girl to do ? i prayed. i prayed that God would provide a caring and compassionate doctor who would listed to me, answer all my questions and who mark and i would be comfortable around. after all, she'll be doing some major 'girl' surgery and i wanted to be calm in her presence.

and then, that night, i looked up on the internet the WVCI to see if i could find a photo of the her - i wanted to get an idea of who would be a part of my life.

and what a blessing i found. not only did i find her photo - and i felt calm when i saw it - i also saw a photo of a friend from bible study who is a radiologist and a colleague of Dr. Dotters ! oh Lord - thank you for showing me the photo of Julie ! what a blessing that was for me - another sign from God that he is in control.

i felt led to call Julie the next night to put my mind at ease regarding my care. God's timing was perfect and i reached her just as she was leaving her office. she was gracious enough to talk to me for a few minutes and answer my questions once i told her of my cancer diagnosis.

when i told her i had been assigned Dr. Dotters, she said to me ' She's the best, and you'll be in the care of an amazing surgeon and woman'.

November 27, 2012

a friend mentioned the other day that 'Jill - you haven't posted since August!'

but this time, there was a reason i was away that was more than just 'i'm busy and time is getting away from me.'

and i've finally decided that i'll share my journey and where i've 'been' because life isn't always about swaps and antique shows and grandkids growing up too fast.

so, here is my first of many posts - posts that will be taken from my journal i started on July 10th of this year. (you'll notice that grammar isn't top on the priority in these entries. i was just writing what my heart was thinking.)

my hope / plan / desire is to share an entry from my journal often, in addition to other happenings in my little studio and life.

So, here goes.

(church in Fredricksburg, Texas 2012)

July 10, 2012

cancer. it's a crummy word.

a word i never thought would be a part of my vocabulary. but, as of July 10, 2012 @6:10 pm, it's now a part of our lives.

i got the call at home from Dr. Lewis - the results of my biopsy he took just 4 days prior. his exact words were 'the results were not favorable'. results show endometrial adeno carcenoma. cancer - in the lining of your uterus.

grade 1, which has favorable results. we'll perform a complete hysterectomy. uterus, tubes, ovaries, cervix and lymph nodes. i asked if he would do the surgery, and he said no - that i'd be referred to a cancer doctor and i'd hear from them tomorrow to make the appointment. in the mean time, i had to go back to the lab tomorrow to have more blood tests and we'd go from there.

while i was on the phone, i motioned to Greg to go get dad. he came downstairs and held me while i cried. so many questions. so much unknown. but we have each other, and i am bound and determined to find a blessing in every day.

God will be glorified through my journey and i will praise Him always.

August 26, 2012

Back in 2009 (I think) a group of about 12 Artfest sisters decided to join together to each create a journal with our own theme and then lovingly pass around the journals so that each sister could create beautiful art in the books. The idea was started by a dear AF sister, Alex.

The idea was that we would each have a journal for 3 weeks, work on our pages and then pass them along.

To make a long story short, it didn't quite work out that way.

Because life happens.

Although all of the sisters didn't get to work in each book, they have (almost) all been returned to their rightful owners - even if it was 2.5 years later !

So with that small history of our journal journey, here are a few pictures of the pages i created for the journals i worked in. I hope you enjoy !

February 17, 2012

do you remember when you'd ask your kids to do something and they'd always ask 'why' after every logical response you could think of ? finally you resort to 'because i said so'. which in reality isn't a very intelligent answer ? well, i was recently watching an episode of 'The Money Class', which was a special on the OWN network with Suze Orman. there was a man on the show who had a lot of credit card debt and Suze was challenging him to 'stand in his truth' and answer her questions.

it went a bit like this:

S: why do you have so much credit card debt ?

Man: because i like to buy things

S: why?

Man: because i want to have nice things

S: why?

Man: because i like to dress nice and decorate my home nice

S: why?

Man: so that friends will like to come over and people will like me

S: why?

Man: because i want to be like them

S: AH HA !

And then she said these words that struck me and sunk to my core, as if she were talking right to my face.

'What if you changed your thinking. instead of wanting to be like everyone else, why not think that i want everyone else to be like me ?'

stand in your truth.

and there it is. a message from an unlikely source that is helping me to realize that i don't have to be like everyone else in order for others to like me.

February 15, 2012

as i mentioned in my last post, it's a new year to embrace on the opportunity to learn and grow and figure out what makes me tick - in other words, do the things i do.

in all of my praying and thinking and seeking, there are some key elements to what i've learned and i think it's important to get it written down. but before i do, i must admit that this is a HUGE step for me. to put my heart on my blog, so to say. i don't really even know why i'm doing this, other than to just get it written down. (as many times as i've tried, i'm just not a consistent journal-er, so it must be in typed form).

so, here goes.

when i was growing up, my daddy would say quite often 'jill, you're so beautiful. . . . . .if only you could lose some weight'. or 'you have such beautiful eyes. . .if only'. . . . or 'you're so smart. . . .if only'. yep - just about every time.

now let me say here that i adored my daddy. and he adored me. i was his little girl and he protected me like nobodies business. there was never a moment when i thought he wasn't trying to protect me from the world. i think he really thought that he was trying to help me.

it never really dawned on me that what he was saying would have an impact later in life. also, as i look back on photos from high school, i may not have been the skinniest kid on the block BUT, i wasn't morbidly obese either. (i wore a size 11 / 13).

so, i came to the conclusion about 18 months ago that the reason i do what it do as it pertains to . . .collecting (some might even say on the verge of very organized hoarding), crafting, swapping, giving tea parties, hosting events, making things for people. . .what ever it may be as it pertains to being socially engaged with others. . .was due to a desire to be loved and appreciated. i subconciously thought that 'well, if i'm a size 18, people won't like me so there has to be another reason.' if i have this or that and then can give it to them if they like it (such as a plate, picture, vase. . . .or whatever else they may like within reason) THEN, there is a reason for people to like me - because why would they hang around if i was a size 18 ?

i am happy to report to you all today that i am (finally) learning to not think like this - and this is my journey.

my Heavenly Father has revealed through His Word and friends and family that I AM ENOUGH, just the way i am.

if my Heavenly Father loves me, and my husband loves me and my children love me and my family loves me, does it really matter if no-one else does ? of course the girl who wants to be loved and appreciated and included and valued and liked and. . .and. . . and. . . still has those moments of uncertainty, but i'm learning.

in the next few days, i'll share how i've been given little nuggets of information and words of wisdom from people i've met and people i haven't and how they've helped me along in this journey.

so, if you've made it this far in the post, thank you for listening.

and thank you for being my friend - even if my dress does have a tag on it that says size 18.

*If typepad were cooperating, i would have inserted a pretty picture here, but for some reason it's taking forever to upload a photo. not sure what is going on ! Argh.