Mrs Cole, named after legendary crooner Nat King Cole, originally attracted opprobrium by wearing big hoop earrings, baseball caps, and tracksuits. But Cheryl stomped her petite feet and responded furiously, pointing out: "I've dined with Prince Charles, but I've also sat in a crack den." I see. I'll return to that in a minute, as it involves the heir to the throne of England and I need to think. Cheryl said she was "someone who'd done well from nothing" - fair point - and concluded with this crescendo: "It's a big compliment - I'm a chav." Don't say that, dear. Cheryl, indeed, could say more, hinting that she may write a book, possibly about the geology of the Lake District. Failing that, it might focus on her life in showbiz, with her former mentor Simon Cowell meriting only "a footnote", and that in reference to the peculiar shape of his head.Her pie and chips with former Girls Aloud lyricist Prince Charles will probably merit more than a footnote, though.

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