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The Benefits of Marrying a Single Father

by Shadra Bruce on March 08, 2013

Shadra Bruce

About the Author

<p> <span style="font-size:11.0pt;font-family:&quot;Calibri&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;Times New Roman&quot;;color:black">Shadra Bruce is the author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Stories-from-a-StepMom-ebook/dp/B00AHZRG46/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1354838766&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=shadra+bruce">Stories from a StepMom</a> and the creator of <a href="http://momsgetreal.com/">MomsGetReal</a>. She runs a business as a content marketing consultant with her business partner and husband, Dave. She currently resides in Bath, New York with her husband and children. A gypsy at heart who loves to travel, Shadra is fluent in French, essentially nomadic, and comfortable making her home wherever her travels take her. Her next book, <em>25 Rules for Being a <strong>GREAT</strong> Stepmom</em>, is scheduled to be published in 2013.</span> </p>

About the Blog

WhatToExpect.com supports Word of Mom as a place to share stories and highlight the many perspectives and experiences of pregnancy and parenting. However, the opinions expressed in this section are those of individual writers and do not reflect the views of Heidi Murkoff of the What to Expect brand.

When I married my husband and became stepmom to his three children, he had been a single father for more than two years. Because he had full custody of the kids, he was used to juggling work, laundry, cooking, taking the kids to and from school, being there for all of their events, budgeting carefully, and being emotionally available.

Not bad traits to have in a husband. Right?

When Dave was granted full custody of his kids in 1995, single fatherhood was rare. The father-rights movement, which started in the 70s, really hadn't made headway with family courts in Idaho, where we lived at the time. Dave ended up with custody by default when their mom gave up her share of their 50/50 custody.

According to a brief by the Census bureau, of the 11.5 million kids under the age of 21 living in single-parent homes in 1992, less than 14% were in the custody of their fathers. And of those fathers, nearly half were over 40 years old. Things have changed since then, but not drastically: of the 22 million kids under the age of 21 living in a single-parent home in 2007, only 17.8% were in the custody of single fathers. Those rates drop considerably when broken down by race, with white fathers being more likely than non-white fathers to be granted custody.

Single fathers have a tough time getting custody of their kids. The father's rights movements continues to fight for better equality in the courtroom for dads who want custody, but the gender bias that exists in the courts has been difficult to overcome.

The realization that single dads can be good fathers is good for women, because when we assume fathers shouldn't have custody, there's an underlying message that women should be at home taking care of kids.

Is there a single father in your life who has full custody of his kids? Share your story below in the comments section!