A Conversation About the Dead

When a girl works her late shift at her job, she meets a customer there who is in the same situation she is in. Freshly out of a relationship. But something not so ordinary happens while they have a conversation about the dead-dead relationships that is. Mostly dialogue driven. Blushes Scarlett Make Me Laugh Contest. I don't think it will make YOU laugh, but eh, here's my old college try at it!

Submitted:Mar 13, 2012
Reads: 116
Comments: 22
Likes: 4

A Conversation About the Dead

"You're on Heart Tellers." The
deep masculine voice said through my phone. It was about ten at
night just when my favorite radio show was on. This show was the
kind of show that required full attention, a quiet place so no
one could interrupt you, and the loyalty of a football
fan.

"Oh, hi." I said nervously. I
placed the off white rotary dial phone in the counter while I
leaned my back against it so I'd be more comfortable, essentially
helping me ease my way into conversation. "Yes, I called because
I have a problem, well not exactly a problem more like a concern
or observation if you may-"

"Okay,
tell-"

"It's just something that
really bothers me-"

"Caller, just go" The host
said irritably.

"Oh, I'm sorry, yes anyways,
my boyfriend broke up with me the other day, I know it's common
for that to happen-you know someone breaking up with someone...
whatever, but I don't think it's common for him to call me the
next day and demand of me to return his cat? His cat, the damn
cat is mine. I brought him home, it was mere coincident that I
brought him home when I was still with him."

"What's the question?" He
asked.

"The question is, what should
I do about it? I mean, it's my cat." I asked breathlessly. This
story was much longer than that so I had to condense it a bit for
air time but I hoped the hosts understood my problem
anyways.

"I think this is more than
just the cat." The in house psychologist chimed in. I furrowed my
eyebrows and reached for the dangling cord.

"What do you mean?" I asked
him carefully.

"I think you're still hung up
on the guy, obviously you still have feelings for him because
this is a non existent problem that you're making seem to be
bigger than it actually is."

"Hung up on him?!" I squealed
as I stomped my feet. "No, no way!"

"I think Dr. Jacobs is right,
I feel like there's an undercurrent of something else
here."

"No, no." I said firmly as my
fingers twirled the cord.

"Excuse me." I faintly heard
someone call from behind me.

"No, I just want him to stop
harassing me about my cat." I explained simply. It was true, me
ex boyfriend called me every single day asking me to return his
cat back, I wasn't asking him to call me, he was doing that at
his own accord. So here I was calling in for some advice but
instead, I was listening to people tell me that I wasn't over my
ex, great. Maybe this was a sign.

"Excuse me miss?" That same
faint voice asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm in the middle
of an important call." I told the faint voice who kept bothering
me, without turning around to face him.

"I suggest you get some time
alone, and think about your feelings towards your
ex."

"Oh I already know how I feel
about him. I hate him! I hate his guts, that's about it." I was
so frustrated that my hands went up to massage my temples at one
point.

"No, I think you really are
still-"

"What do you know Dr. Jacobs?
Obviously nothing! Because this has nothing to do with my ex, and
everything to do with my cat!" I yelled into the phone when I
tipped the edges closer to my mouth.

"I think we should cut her off
now Dr., she doesn't get it." The host told the
doctor.

"I don't get it? You guys are
the ones that don't get it-Hello? Hello? Shit." I slammed the
phone down into the receiver and crossed my arms, hoping that I
could calm myself down.

"Excuse
me?"

"Oh, what do you want?" I
asked as I turned around to face the
customer.

I squinted my eyes at him
fiercely. He was a guy who seemed to be around my age, scruffy
brown hair and a plaid long sleeve shirt that made him look like
a handy man. His arms were stuffed with chips, cream pastries,
but his body didn't seem to give any signs of food
addiction.

"I need you to ring me up, you
are the clerk aren't you?" I rolled my eyes as he began to drop
all the items on the counter. "Or are you just using the phone to
make emergency calls?"

"That was an emergency." I
said as I gathered the things closer to the register. He brought
in the Coke's, the Twinkie's, the Ben & Jerry's, Snickers,
Hot Cheetos and any other kind of guilty pleasure imaginable. "A
private emergency."

"Yeah I heard. Are you even
allowed to phone someone while at work?" He asked as he raised an
eyebrow. "If that's what you want to do maybe you shouldn't be
working."

"Not working is not an
option." Was all that I answered.

I worked at a Liquor store
called 710, a knock off of 711. It was a small place, like a gas
station, only carrying the essentials, but it was always booming
because of the convenience. I worked after school and on the
weekends too, so it didn't give me much of a social life, but
then again if I had a social life my life would be much more
stressful than it is right now. After coming out of a
relationship, that was the last thing I wanted. Sometimes it gave
me a good excuse to be a hermit.

Working at 710 wasn't my dream
place of course, but after applying in many places this was the
only one that actually called me back, I'm in no position to be
picky so I began working here. I even wore a tacky red vest to go
with it. Oh, the things I did for stability.

"What, are you hosting a tween
party?" I asked him while I scanned the products. "Cause this is
pretty hardcore." I raised the package of Oreos so he could
see.

He looked down at the things
and said, "No, it's more of a self pity party." I looked up
instantly, and then it made sense. This is what I did when Ryan
broke up with me, I stuffed my face with junk
food.

"Oh. I think I get
it."

"Don't feel too bad, this will
help." He said as he nodded towards the
merchandise.

I looked at him again then
looked back down at the things. As a clerk I was pretty good with
linking foods with the buyers personalities so I brought a bag of
chips up to eye level to see if there was something I could
figure out about him by his choice of foods. He liked spicy
chips, that said he was adventurous. He had Coke meaning he liked
the classics. This is what kept me entertained around
here.

"Yeah it does help, I went
through this last week." I told him with a smile. He smiled back
and looked around him as if to see if there were more people
inside. "So if you don't mind me asking, what happened? You don't
have to tell me, it's fine, I just want to know. I'm not nosy, by
the way!"

"No it's fine." He answered
while he gave me a suspicious look. "I was dating this girl for a
couple of weeks, she was cool. Pretty... a bit smart, a bit mean,
but I thought she okay, so I asked her to be my girlfriend rather
quickly thinking that it would make me happy, but it didn't
really. She was a bit-" he said as he snapped his fingers,
"overbearing that's it! Yeah clingy, always accusing me of being
with someone else."

"That's always annoying. " I
commented.

"Yeah it was, but I didn't
think much of it. But you know what they say, when your partner
thinks you're cheating it's because they're probably doing
it?"

"Oh no!" I said as I clamped
my mouth closed with my hand. "She didn't!"

"Yeah with her
ex."

"Shit. That's
rough."

"What about you?" He
asked.

"Me?" I asked while I pointed
at myself, I always did that even if I knew I was the only one in
the room. "Well I was dating this guy nothing very special about
him to tell you the truth, and he broke up with me. I'm pretty
sure why though, I don't think he thought I was sexy enough for
him."

"I think you're pretty sexy. I
mean you're pretty."

"Thanks..." I said as an
awkward silence followed.

He grabbed some pastries from
the counter and raised them up. "So this is how we deal with
it."

"Well I drank my Coke happily,
no regrets, and I think I even broke my personal
record."

"What is your personal
record?" He asked suspiciously as he grabed the six pack of
plastic bottles.

I shrugged and said, "Well I'm
not sure, I just know I can drink one pretty
fast."

"I can
too."

"Oh, really? Well, I'll race
you." I took the bottles away from him, unlatched two of them
from the plastic rings and handed him one. "Let's see who can
drink the Coke the fastest, how about that?"

"What's on the
table?"

"I'll pay for your
Coke?"

"That's
all?"

"Hey, I can charge you double
if I wanted but I'm not going to do that. So stop your
whining."

"Fine."

"At the count of three." We
both opened the bottles and kept them close to our mouths. "One,
two, three!" I took a deep breath first, followed by me pressing
the coke to my mouth quickly, and gulped the soda. There was no
time to breathe after that, I just had to keep gulping it down
until it was gone. Gulp after gulp after gulp, no thinking about
it. I looked over to him seconds later, when our eyes met, him
with an eyebrow raised and me with a smile as I
drank.

Finally I yelled, "Done!"
slamming the bottle down hard to where it toppled down. He
finished a few seconds later to his disdain though. "Oh well,
seems like you're going to have to pay for
these."

"Damn, didn't think you'd
actually win."

"Do you want to try the
Twinkie's next? I can eat one pretty fast." I suggested as I
began to open the Twinkie box up.

The door rang indicating a
customer walking in, a man with messed up hair, oil stained shirt
and a growing beard, I acknowledged his presence by peering from
the corner of my eye but continued with the
Twinkie's.

"Hands up!" He yelled as he
reached into his coat pocket to retrieve something; a gun it
seemed. He waved it up in the air until he let it rest against
his grip in front of him. It was pointing at the guy I was
talking with.

"What the hell..." I said
because that was all I was able to spit out. My eyes rounded as I
watched this strange man threaten us with our lives. Shit. I knew
this was going to happen one day, I had been warned by just about
everyone, it even came out in the news all the time too, people
were being robbed at liquor stores for ages
now.

"You shut up! I want the money
inside the register." He yelled as the gun went back and forth
between the guy and I.

"But,-"

"Fucking do it!" He yelled
angrily at me.

"Dude, chill. No need to
scream, just relax." The guy I was racing said as his hands went
up in surrender. He was trying to act calm so he wouldn't startle
him to the point where he'd actually kill
us.

"You fucking relax!" The
robber screamed at him while he pointed the gun to back him. My
guy looked at the gun pointed at him, but raised an eyebrow as he
squinted.

"Hey, that's a water gun." He
said. The robber elbowed him in the nose before he said anything
else and quickly went to me.

"Money. Now!" I looked at the
gun and it did look like a painted black water gun, but I wasn't
sure, I'm no expert.

"Uh-"

"Do it or I'll shoot, I
fucking swear." Subtly, I looked to my guy, he was holding his
nose but he looked down to the counter. It was a sign. In the
movies people always give each other signs like that, but I'm no
mind reader, how was I supposed to know what that
meant?

I turned back to the robber
and mouthed okay, so he could calm down while I got him the
money. I opened the register but looked over to the guy with
obvious intent until the robber turned back to look at him. He
fell for it! For a second I was in awe, my acting
worked!

I snapped out of it and took
advantage of his lapse of judgement to grab the Twinkie's in the
counter. I threw one at him right in the eye. The plastic would
hit his eye, no doubt.

My guy reached the robber from
behind to hold him back while he was distracted by the Twinkie to
the face.

"Are you throwing fucking
Twinkie's at me?" The robber asked in
disbelief.

"They're deadlier than you
think!" I yelled at him as I threw each one harder than the next.
When they ran out, I grabbed the soda bottles and threw them at
him as well, some exploding as they hit him or the ground. My guy
held him pretty tight, making sure the gun was out of his hands
and far away from his as possible. I ran to the gun on the floor,
picked it up carefully but then I noticed, it was indeed a water
gun!

"Are you serious? A water
gun?" The man made a growling noise, to which he followed by a
knee to my guy's groin. He let him go and cupped himself while
the robber ran straight to the door which he opened forcefully
and left. I didn't even have a chance to hit him with the
Oreo's.

I just stood there with my
mouth open.

What just
happened?

I analyzed the scene: soda
splattered all over the floor and the Twinkie's floating atop
prettily.

My guy was moaning on the
floor with his hands still at his crotch area. I leaned down so I
could hold him, carefully touching his arms, hoping that it could
calm him down.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" I
asked him as my jeans absorbed the soda on the
tile.

"Fuck no. My
balls!"

"What do I do?" He didn't
answer but composed a little bit.

"Fuck, that guy packed a punch
I'll give him that. But Twinkie's? Coke's?"

"There was nothing else I
could have used!" I exclaimed. "Now, stand up and lean up against
the counter, I'll get some bandaids for your scratches." I went
over to one of the aisles that contained the generic
pharmaceuticals and grabbed the first bandaid box I saw, followed
by some tissues. When I came back, my guy had his elbows on the
counter, as he leaned in. "Let me see." I told him so he knew I
was there. He turned around but kept one elbow on the counter as
one wiped his nose of the blood. I opened the tissue box quickly
by punching it, and pulled out a sheet. I touched his chin
softly, turning his head my direction so I could analyze the
mess. Our faces were so close, his breath hitting the top of my
nose gently as he tried to steady it. When I finally paid
attention I noticed he was bleeding heavily, like expected. "You
should probably go check if anything is
broken."

He winced but replied, "Nah, I
think it's okay."

"It's looks horrible." I told
him as I looked at him squarely.

I wiped the blood away by
patting the tissues on his nostrils. "Here hold the tissues
against your nose." I instructed him. He did and leaned his head
back. I put some bandaids on the scratches that lined his arms
where the robber tried to fight back.

He looked down to the
scratches. "Barbie bandaids?" He said with a muffled voice
because of the tissues.

"There the only ones we have
so, deal with it. We can't cater to everyone." I stepped back to
give him a good look. "So, how are your, uhm-you know,
balls?"

He closed his eyes and gave me
a chuckle. "They don't hurt too bad now."

"That's great." I told him
with a nod.

"Can you believe we were
assaulted by a man with a water gun?"

"I know! He doesn't even have
the decency to assault us with a real gun!" I yelled
exasperatingly. "I was insulted. Did that mean he thought I was
an easy target? Well he got a huge surprise didn't he?" I crossed
my arms while I leaned against the chip
stand.

"Are you going to call the
police?" He asked when he grabbed a new tissue for his
nose.

"No, I think he's too
embarrassed to try it again. If I see him again I'll threaten to
put the video on Youtube."

He responded with a laugh but
didn't move. We stood there for a couple of minutes just looking
at each other, I didn't know what to say, and I didn't know about
him. I did want to say something, maybe joke about the situation
or, I don't know-something, but I couldn't bring myself to say
anything. I played with my vest, pressing my hands inside the
pockets, and swinging them, but it didn't help, it just made me
feel even more awkward.

"So do you want me to ring you
up?"

"Oh yeah sure, but don't you
want to clean this up first, I'll help." He told
me.

"Oh no! I'll do it, I was the
one who threw the stuff at him. Just bring new replacements." He
walked away to the aisles while I went behind the counter to
begin scanning some of the products.

When he came back, he placed
the new Twinkies and Coke on the counter, moved the remains from
the old ones to the side so there'd be more space, and held the
tissue. His nose was still bleeding, but less now, though the
Barbie bandaids took away from the tough guy act he alluded to.
After I scanned everything with the machine, I told him the total
amount of his shopping spree and began putting everything into
plastic white bags, that said thank you on them. He handed me the
cash, his fingers holding the middle of the bills just in the
perfect spot where his hand eventually touched mine when he
handed it to me. I received it, but I slowly let my fingers touch
his. Just to get a feel of them.

"What an adventure huh? Who
would've thought that you going out to the local liquor store
would turn into a Texas hold up." I said to him when the register
opened up.

"Yeah, maybe I should get out
more." I handed him his change back, in the same process as
before.

"Yeah." I said stupidly. Most
of the time I was called out for talking too much, but in other
instances I couldn't even formulate
sentences.

He grabbed the bags from the
handles, carefully pulling them up so nothing would get banged
up.

"I'll see you around." He said
carefully and all I could think of was to nod. He walked over to
the door and pushed it open.

"Wait!" I called out. He
turned around swiftly making his bags twirl around his hands.
"Uh, do you want to grab coffee sometime?" I asked before I was
able to chicken out.

The door closed because he
ended up letting go of it, something that made my heart slow. It
signified two things, one that he was giving me his full
attention or two, that he might come over to
me.

"Or not, it's okay I don't
even like coffee, well I do, but-you know it's a bit cliche, hey
you wanna grab coffee, who says that, right?" I pulled my vest
closer to me as an attempt to shake off the nervousness. He let
his arms down as he made his way over to me, my goodness he
picked the second option!

He stopped directly in front
of me with a smile, making me immediately go stiff with
anticipation.

"I wanted to ask you that." He
said with a chuckle. "Sure I'd loved to."

"And just to throw this out, I
don't usually ask men out."

"Me
neither."

I smiled so hard that I felt
my cheeks sting, but I didn't stop smiling.

"I'll come by tomorrow at the
same time and we can grab some coffee after your shift is done."
He suggested.

I put some of my loose strands
of hair behind my ear and looked shamefully to the floor. "Okay.
That sounds cool."

"Cool. See you tomorrow." He
said and went the same way he came in.

I slumped down with elbows on
the counter, and hands on my face. I felt so warm, I knew I had
to be blushing or sweating. I kept picturing his face while I
treated his cuts, as amateur as I did, his face in knots because
he was hurting.

He was so cute, I finally told
myself. I was actually looking forward to work tomorrow, to see
him and to drink coffee of course, it all seemed like a great
prospect. I would see him, hopefully no one would try to rob us
again, but we would have fun, I know. Yeah we were both freshly
out of relationships but it didn't take me too long to forget
about that douchebag ex of mine, and hopefully he'd think the
same thing about his ex.

Hopefully.

Ha. Dr, Jacobs was
wrong!

I am so over my
ex.

And the cat, is
mine.

*A/N Explanation for the title: The title isn't supposed
to be taken literally no one dies here :P So this is what it
means, at least to me, the two main characters have a
conversation about their past relationships you see, I call them
dead relationships because they can't be revived even if they
tried. It's just not possible because they weren't who they
wanted to be in those relationships, so it's safe to say that
they will never be together again. Sorry it's so confusing!
:)*