How to have happy relationships | Vince Cable

I was drawn to my first wife Olympia because she was a very animated person with strong views: on politics, for example, and colonial rule in Kenya, where she'd grown up. We met in the UK, then in Kenya, and after a year's correspondence we more or less decided on the spot we would get married and live happily ever after – which we did.

We had a fantastic relationship. You have to work hard at these things – they don't just happen. The first few years were tough. We had no money, and came back to Britain in 1968 – the year of Enoch Powell and the Rivers of Blood. There was a lot of prejudice and our parents were very disapproving. Olympia's thought she should have married a good Goan boy, right caste, right religion. For mine, the idea of marrying somebody from another race, different colour, different religion, just blew their minds really. We had a terrible row on both sides and didn't see our parents for five years.

So the background wasn't easy, but the key is to talk about things and, if necessary, argue about them. You have to confront things head on, and learn from them, and we were good at doing that.

It was 14 years from when Olympia was diagnosed with cancer to when she became terminally ill. There's no point trying to pretend these things are easy to live with. It was a very slow and painful process. But it was a loving and warm relationship, and she died at home with the family.

I think I'd grieved when Olympia was still alive. It was very painful, but the fact that it had been a very good marriage in a way made it easier to move on. When I met Rachel, I decided to wear both my wedding rings. Rachel and I are very happy, and she's comfortable with the fact that I've had a past I'm not trying to bury. She was a divorcee, too.

There are things you learn over the years about listening and taking account of another person's needs. My parents' relationship wasn't easy. There was a lot of conflict and it left me with a determination to have something more emotionally warm, something better, which it has been.