Kelsey Timmerman

Author, Speaker, Touron

“I made a deal with my muse. I leave her alone and she leaves me alone.”

– poet and author Wendell Berry on the Diane Rehm Show today

Writing turns me on.

No, not like that you perve. Okay, maybe I should restate that.

I have a writing switch that I turn On and Off. When it’s on I search for narrative threads. I scan for details. I probe. When it’s off I just kind of fumble through life a victim of my scattered brain. It would be great if I could just leave the switch on and suck all the meaning I could out of a trip to the grocery, but that would be exhausting.

I would lean over the food conveyor thingy and stretch to see the checkout lady’s shoes. You can…

As one of the top 10 living underwear journalists in Indiana, I’m always on the lookout for new under-the-radar underwear stories. And unlike those lazy underwear journalists who’ve built their careers on reviewing low-tech undies that don’t serve a larger social function or are pleasant to wear, I go the extra mile.

There’s no pair of underwear I won’t test drive.

I wish that my career path would’ve worked out better. Say, that I became a traveling journalist who went places and wrote about it like this guy. Instead I put underwear through a series of proprietary tests, including “the jumping jack,” “the barn door,” “the wedgie,” and “the marathon.”

Apparently I can’t follow my own contest schedule. I’m supposed to post one clue each week, alternating video clues with photo clues. Last week I posted one of each. Oops. So, to get us back on schedule I’m adding another clue (below). From now on I’ll be post a clue each Wednesday. Here’s the schedule.

This doesn’t surprise me. And it’s not because I think Sarah Palin is full of moose crap, it’s because no one fact-checked my book except me. Mind you, I did it over and over again until I wanted to rip my eyeballs out.

When David Sedaris wrote about buying a box of condoms in the New Yorker a fact-checker called Cost Co and asked if he had the quantity in the box right. Isn’t that ridiculous? It had zero to do with his story. But, you know, you have to respect every word written in the New Yorker that…

( 11/13: I had a typo on my time. I ran the marathon in 4:40:03 not in 4:04:03. My brother, Kyle was aghast at the typo. You see, he ran the Louisville marathon in 4:20:00 and it would be devastating to his ego if his little bro topped his time. Of course I was nursing a bum knee, the marathon was so crowded that our first two miles took us 32 minutes, and I was running with two other guys which meant that we stopped for more water breaks more than if I had been running solo. But I’m sure Kyle won’t take any of that into consideration. But hey, I’m smarter and…

You never know where in the world Kelsey will turn up or why he is there. He went to Bangladesh because his underwear was made there. He went to Romania to spend the night alone in Dracula’s Castle. And no one is sure why he went to Kosovo. He claims it was to PlayStation, but that doesn’t make any sense at all, does it?

Lucky for you, to win a HD Video Flip camera plus a few Frommer’s travel guides all you have to do is guess Kelsey’s secret location, not his motives. Each week you’ll be presented with photo of the location and…
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