Thursday, July 8, 2010

Vox poplui, vox dei

Now we all know that isn't true, and that the Lord God will come to us this evening at 9 p.m. on ESPN in an hour-long special they're actually calling "The Decision."

But in the meantime, let's indulge the axiom. Where's LeBron going and why? We went to YOU for answers:

Emily Best, graduate student, Washington, D.C.: New York or Miami for money, fame and championships. I also read a convincing argument yesterday that the one hour special will be all about how close he feels to Cleveland, and how he's committed to staying involved, but that its time to move on. And that he wouldn't do a one hour special if he was staying put.

Sarah Bingler, multimedia specialist, Camden, DE: Either he's going to NY because he likes the street pretzels, or he's going to Chicago. You know, because of Obama.

Sarrah Kaye, animal doctor, section 322, row A, seat 13: Miami, because the world hates me. Miami being a real team while the Knicks spiral into irrelevance has been the most painful part of the past 10 years. If Miami becomes dominant, I won't be able to watch games at all anymore. And the NBA is increasingly becoming a fake show like wrestling.

D. Clark Denison, newspaperman, Camden, DE: He's going to restart the ABA and sign with the Baltimore Bullets. He loves crabcakes. Loves 'em. He's going to be paid the equivalent of $40 million a year in crabcakes, with a signing bonus of oysters on the half shell.

John Alston, librarian, Clarion, PA: The Clippers, just to send sportscasters into a tizzy.

Aaron Bumbarger, some kind of technology consultant, Pittsburgh, PA: I think he stays because he's a swell guy, and he wants to build his legacy in Cleveland.

Dan Richey, law student on honeymoon, Lyon, France: FUCK YOU I AM IN FRANCE.

Cassidy Gruber, underachiever, Pittsburgh, PA: Clearly, he's staying in Cleveland because he loves Shaq, like any person who breathes. Also, he loves money.

Jayme Penner, recovering ski bum, Pittsburgh, PA: I don't know where he's going but he's definitely leaving Cleveland. All of the teams around Cleveland are getting better and the Cavs are not. And who wants to live in Cleveland anyway?

Nichole Merritt, photographer, Pittsburgh, PA: Cleveland will fade further into obscurity as the base of their economy moves on to Miami, or some other city that has anything better to offer than not being Detroit. And i still won't care. If the question was, "Why is LeBron leaving Cleveland?", the answer would be, "Why is he still there? Why is anyone still there?"

Dan Malloy, reporter, Washington, D.C.: Heat, because its the new big three, and can win a title most easily. And I am incredibly uninformed, but Newsday said Heat. ESPN and LeBron is a match made in overblown self-promotion heaven.

Scott Steckel, accountant, New York, NY: I hope he leaves Cleveland because it is every real Pittsburgher's responsibility to hope Clevelanders suffer as much as possible.

Max Walko, law student, Durham, NC: Chicago. Hot dogs.

Thom Gulish, hockey mom, Pittsburgh, PA: He has visited New York and Chicago, and will end up with the Bulls because he prefers a thick crust.