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jimgoad.net :: genital cosmetic surgery

Genital Cosmetic Surgery

How Much...and Which Kind...is Right for YOU?

Let’s face it: Genitals are important. Genitals are the rickshaws that carry life into the world. You only live once, and you only get one set of genitals. There’s no second chance for a second set. So doesn’t it make sense to give yourself the best set of genitals money can buy?

One’s appearance “down there” is crucial in these hectic, hurried “modern times.” It seems that everywhere you turn these days, someone is getting genital plastic surgery. Genital cosmetic surgeryit’s all the rage! And, truth be told, it’s undeniable that everyone would do better with at least a little of it. Everybody’s lap could do with a li’l nip/tuck. There is no set of genitals on Earth so eye-catching that it couldn’t do with a little improvement. The question is: How much and which kind of genital cosmetic surgery is right for you?

And what about the genitals of your loved ones? Wouldn’t you prefer that it had been an attractive and presentable pair of genitals which ushered you into this life? Don’t you think it would help your great-great-grandchildren’s self-esteem if they could be confident that their great-great-grandparents had genitals that were a sight for sore eyes? It’s a controversial topic, and one that deserves to be discussed among consenting adults.

It may be blasphemousalthough entirely accurateto suggest that God made human beings beautiful everywhere except their genitals. Quite frankly, genitals in their natural state are ugly. The penis is droopy, ancient, and dinosaurica glum swamp reptile. The vagina, at worst, can look like pink brains blasted out by a shotgun.

God made genitals, but it takes plastic surgeons to make them attractive.

Maybe that is the ultimate purpose of human beings on earthmaking genitals more beautiful. Beautifying genitals. Carefully sculpting the raw work which God had started.

Men, do you feel the red-cheeked embarrassment that comes from knowing you aren’t “up to snuff” with the other boys in the locker room?

Ladies, do you remember the shame of the first time you undressed in front of that “special guy” and it took a while for your vagina to unfold?

When you look in the mirror, do you wish your genitals were more attractive? Are you afraid of what “they” might say? Do you avoid public activities and sporting events in which your genitals might be exposed? Do you shy away from public restrooms because others might see your genitals there? Do you feel that your penis is too tiny or your vagina too flappy? Do you think that other people must feel that your genitals are unattractive? Do you compare your genitals to those of others and routinely conclude that yours are less beautiful? Is it difficult to enjoy sex because you’re constantly worried that your partner might find your genitals to be homely? Have your aesthetically unappealing sex organs caused “distancing” from your romantic partner? Are you obsessed with guilt feelings revolving around your ugly private parts? Would you change your genitals if given the opportunity? Would this enhance your self-image and bolster your genital self-esteem?

For centuries, men and women suffered with uncomely sex organs, and there wasn’t a darn thing they could do about it. But there is no longer any acceptable or appropriate excuse for unsightly genitalia. Modern technology has put a handsome penis within the reach of most working men. And ladies, recent medical advances can turn that wizened scrubwoman between your legs into a dainty tree nymph. I can’t even imagine the surgically enhanced penises and vaginas of a generation or two in the future. I silently and resolutely envy them.

Deciding which sort of genital surgeryand how much of itis right for you can be an arduous, thankless task. The most important decision you’ll make about your genital cosmetic surgery is also the most basic: It all depends on whether you have a penis or a vagina. Here at the Snellville-Lithonia Consortium for Genital Beauty, we boast two pleasant, high-tech, space-age clinics specializing in pubic cosmetic surgery: one for men (ManPlus) and one for women (VenusTrim).

Phalloplasty patient (BEFORE)

MEN: “Phalloplasty”

For males, it’s a simple equation: BIGGER = MORE ATTRACTIVE. Fellas, why would you want the biggest muscles and the biggest paycheck and the biggest, fastest car…without having the biggest penis to go along with it? Women may say that “size isn’t important” when there are sensitive men around whose feelings they don’t want to hurt, but when they get amongst themselves and start talking, trust mesize IS important. It’s the ONLY important thing to them.

Our expert genital surgeons specialize in both length enhancement and girth increase. A small, whiny minority of critics (as well as Federal Law) insist that we remind you of the risks involved: partial necrosis; asymmetry; urinary fistula and/or incontinence; swelling, bruising, and blinding pain; bacterial infection and so-called “flesh-eating viruses”; altered or complete loss of sensation; jagged scarring; impotence; and severe, permanent disfigurement. The post-op recovery period may be filled with uncontrolled bleeding, blinding pain, dirty bedpans, and two-pound weights attached to the penis for months to ensure adequate size increase. Pessimists may tell you that there are drawbacks, and they may be right technically, but never in spirit. They don’t realize that you must want your penis to get better for miracles to happen. You must remember that life itself is the biggest risk of all.

WOMEN: “LABIAPLASTY”

Women want “designer vaginas” for all sorts of reasons: because childbirth blew their vadge lips to smithereens; because large labia can make tight clothing and rough sex uncomfortable; and because they don’t want to gross out their partners or, by extension, society itself.

COSMETIC LABIAPLASTY is the modern solution for ugly vaginas everywhere. Under local anesthesia while wide awake, patients will watch our surgeons trim their “deli-sized roast-beef sandwich” down to “a slice of cheese encased tightly within flat pita bread.” After several weeks of vaginal ice packs and excessive bleeding, the sutures dissolve and self-esteem is restored. Your vagina will be more youthful, sassy, and aesthetically pleasing. A woman’s highest treasureher vaginais again ready to be presented to an approving world.

LET US HELP YOU

At the Snellville-Lithonia Consortium for Genital Beauty, we offer several options, flexible payment plans, and free consultations regarding which method would be best for your first experience with genital cosmetic surgery. Payments are gauged according to a sliding scale based on income, insurance, and liquid assets. Our rates average thousands of dollars less than the competition. But we’re not just some cut-rate “clip shack” out to make a buck. We’re a sensible, affordable, tasteful genital-surgery outpatient clinic. Our prices are "reasonable but not disreputable."

Our “crack team” of surgeons will wreak a perceptible difference in your genital appearance, as illustrated in the BEFORE and AFTER photos on this page. One’s genitals are one’s identity. Don’t you want a pretty identity? Don’t get “between the sheets” ‘til you go “under the knife.” Enhance your genital self-esteem. Get up on the hospital table and start walking on the road to recovery.

In order to heal, we must, of course, first have surgery. Once a month, we offer a round-table support group for post-op genital-surgery patients in which we all hold hands and sing our theme song:

Courage to cut/Courage to heal/Courage to trust/Courage to feel.

We can help you, but you have to accept our help. We can take your frightened mouse of a penis and turn it into a proud field elephant. We can take a vagina that’s a sagging purple platypus and turn it into a neat, trim paper cut. The technology is available.

We own the machines and know how to use the tools. We can give you better genitals. You just need to give usand yourself!a chance.

For more information about the Snellville-Lithonia Consortium for Genital Beauty and its “VenusTrim/ManPlus Clinics for Genital Rejuvenating Surgery,” visit us on the Web.