A chronicle of one young man's attempt to get his life together and break into comics.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Superhero Smackdown Rd. 1 - Jack Kirby Region

JACK KIRBY REGIONRound 1

1 Scarlet Witch vs. 16 The Goon - If we’re talking, bring the walls down, my god what can we do to stop her, House of M Scarlet Witch, then this is a no-brainer. But personally I hated that incarnation of the character and I’m not about to let her waltz through this tournament untouched simply because some writer decided to use her as the catalyst for one more crappy multi-title event in the Marvel U. So bring all the power you want to this fight, Wanda, because this dude is a brawler. The Goon is no stranger to magic. Hell, he lives in a world where multi-eyed tentacled monsters, werewolves, undead gunfighters, and zombie priests are the norm. So what if the Scarlet Witch can bend reality? Sure didn’t the Goon go on a very successful mission into another dimension for Dr. Alloy? The thing about guys like the Goon is, they don’t tend to care when reality gets all bendy. It doesn’t affect them the way it might affect other people because their feet are planted so firmly on the ground. The Goon is the sort of guy that never gives up. Scarlet Witch is just a spoiled magical debutante with daddy issues. Maybe daddy could have stopped that wrench to the head, but Wanda sure as hell ain’t. WINNER - THE GOON

8 Dr. Doom vs. Emma Frost - The cold, calculating Mother Superior of the X-Men versus the most diabolical mind in the Marvel Universe. One has nigh-indestructible skin, the other has nigh-indestructible armor. One can level the entire might of a country against his opponent, the other can level a mind in less than ten seconds. One can use super-science to travel back in time, the other…shit. Doom wouldn’t have an easy time thinking his way around someone like the White Queen, but he could do it. Seeing that she was almost un-killable in her diamond form, which she would resort to almost immediately upon finding him immune to her psychic barrage, Doom would eventually turn to science to help him win this fight. With Emma distracted by his robot army, Doom would sneak back in time to a point before Frost’s powers had even truly manifested, making her an easy target. WINNER - DR. DOOM

5 Namor vs. 12 Sabretooth - I could describe this in all it’s boring detail or I could just tell you that Namor dropped a whale on Sabretooth. Let’s go with that. WINNER - NAMOR

6 Dr. Strange vs. 11 Colossus - Piotr gets a bad draw in the first round. Colossus is one of the strongest heroes in the Marvel U. He was one of the few combatants in the entire tournament capable of going toe to toe with the Hulk. If he draws any other opponent here, maybe this underdog goes all the way to the finals. But Stephen Strange is arguably the most powerful person in the entire Marvel Universe. Just imagine Dr. Strange casting a Heat Metal spell on Colossus’s metal form. He would boil the man’s insides. And that’s just one of many possible ways to bring the gentle giant down. WINNER - DR. STRANGE

3 Wolverine vs. 14 Black Panther - This is hands down, without doubt, the most super-cool badass battle of the awesome in the entire tournament. The feral super-soldier versus the Panther God, the man who lives forever versus the King of Wakanda, adamantium versus vibranium, hunter against hunter. There are people in the Marvel Universe capable of matching Wolverine in hand to hand combat. There are others still who are capable of subduing the man entirely. T’Challa, the Black Panther, is one of the few men on the planet capable of doing both those things. Wolverine is a badass, there’s no arguing that, but just because he’s indestructible doesn’t mean he’s impossible to defeat. Where Wolverine is a very powerful mutant, he is just a mutant. The Black Panther is an idea. It’s a helluva lot harder to kill an idea. Just ask the Joker, or Lex Luthor. At the end of this long and very bloody day, T’Challa stands victorious over the broken body of the X-Men’s greatest warrior. WINNER - BLACK PANTHER

7 Storm vs. 10 Nick Fury - Even without the might of S.H.I.E.L.D. behind him, Nick Fury is a difficult man to beat. He’s spent his entire adult life coming up with ways to defend the Earth from super-powered threats and building the network of contacts and set of skills necessary to be successful at it time and time again. Storm is one of the most powerful mutants on the planet, capable of bending the very weather to her whim. But hey, Nick Fury’s thought of that. WINNER - NICK FURY