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Day 67 of 100 Days of Loving Men

People shy from the word perfect. It exists in awareness. And yes, he is perfect.

Perfection equates to flawlessness, yes, he is flawless. To look at him otherwise is to not see him. A flaw is a “defect, blemish, fault, imperfection, deficiency, weakness, inadequacy, shortcoming, limitation, failing…” etc.

He has none of these.

To look at him as if he is in-perfect is to be disconnected to love. When the mind starts to race into a million different ways the person must be different to appease, is to have left the love connection.

There is a difference between making requests and seeing him as flawed. Speaking from a reality of seeing him as less than only amounts to treating him as less than. Which is an easy way of avoiding self work. Making requests takes first checking in with self to see whether the requests are based on self love and love of him or, if they are based on a disconnect from love entirely.

For instance, if there has been an argument on who cleans the house. A request can come from ‘I’d like you to clean more’ which is really a pointing the finger at him and saying ‘you’re not doing enough’ or a request can honor that you are in partnership: ‘what can we do so that we can keep this house clean and both of us have our time honored’. The manner of the request makes a difference. In the first request it was seeing him as flawed and less than, in the second request it acknowledged him and his needs. There is nothing wrong with having direct requests such as ‘This is really painful for me. I need your support. If you could support me by xyz while I can get clear on what is present for me’. And it takes absolute self clarity to be able to know when such requests are authentic and when they are an attack. Practice and making messes will occur and that’s fine as long as there is a remembering of the love that connected the relationship to begin with.

Men having needs does not make them flawed.

Now, when I use the term perfect I do not express it as some impossible standard where interactions squeal kittens and rainbows and birds sing every hour of the day, no, that’s not human.

When I share to recognize that he is perfect, see him as beautiful and whole right now. I have heard women living in the future of ‘oh if he did this’ or ‘one day if he learns to be this’ then they would have this idealized version of what they have been told perfection is. That is not real. Perfection is right here, right now.

Seeing perfection doesn’t mean the person cannot make messes. Learning means making messes, cleaning them up and making more.

Recognizing he is perfect is loving him, right here, right now and fully receiving who he is and seeing who he is as beautiful.