It feels a little weird to take to this site to post this, but it’s still my damn blog and I can do what I want with it.

So. There’s been Facebook discussion and posts and accusations in the Missoula community over a person’s alleged predatory sexual tactics. I do not know any of the parties in that incident well enough to comment on that situation, so my intention here is not to specifically address that.

But the discussions did remind me of all the guys I’ve ever encountered (sexually or not) who thought they were socially progressive “good guys,” even feminists. For a long time, I gave a pass to “good guys” even when they behaved badly. I steered clear of frat boys and football players, but I felt inclined to trust guys if they played in a band I liked, espoused feminist beliefs and seemed smart. I gave a pass to cool punk guys who shared Bernie memes on Facebook, even if the way we hooked up later gave me pause.

So today I’m offering up a little bit of an awareness clinic that you, too, can be a douchebag to women even if you don’t live in a frat house. If “Douchebag Awareness” had a ribbon the way other diseases do, I think it’d be a pair of boxer shorts with skid marks. (Can someone draw this for me?)

UPDATE: The amazing Kate Morris drew this for me:

Look, having a cool record collection does not excuse you from perpetuating rape culture and sexism. Being a talented musician or writer or photographer, or being sensitive and sad, or any combination of all those things, does not excuse you from perpetuating rape culture and sexism. Just because you have never physically forced yourself on a woman or roofied anyone does not mean that you have not manipulated and harassed women in other ways. The kind of ways that aren’t easy to report to cops or even closest friends. The kind of ways that aren’t even easy to explain by the girl who maybe was wasted and trying to convince herself that the situation was fine. Women are really good at convincing themselves that a relationship or situation is okay, or even fun, because we’re coached to be nice above all things. I’ve been the girl who was inexperienced and desperately wanted to seem cool, very much at my own expense. In the pursuit of getting laid or having a funny story to tell, I’ve willingly overlooked all kinds of banal indignities.

But anyway, a ton of guys will read this and be nodding along and feeling righteous and not understand that I am actually very specifically talking about things they’ve done. There’s lots of ways to be shitty to women. Maybe a list would help make things more clear?

Off the top of my head, here are ways that “progressive” dudes can and have been assholes to me and friends of mine:

(I’m not saying these are all equally traumatic, some are wildly harmful and some are just obnoxious. Content warning for sexual assault, emotional manipulation.)

Posting internet memes that mock women who’ve rejected you

Belittling a specific woman’s comments on the internet, continually, to be “funny”

You don’t carry condoms but still hope to get laid

Thinking your behavior is beyond reproach just because you read Jon Krakauer’s book on rape

Chasing after a woman who doesn’t know you have a girlfriend

Telling a woman you have a girlfriend and then hitting on her anyway, so if she takes you up on it, it will be totally her fault that you cheated

Ah yes, it’s come to this. I can’t pretend like I’m keeping this site up anymore. I started it in 2012 when I was working a pretty low-key part-time job, and I had an abundance of energy and creativity left over at the end of the day. I was also 23 years old and I could party four nights in a row. Sigh. These days I’m working full-time and I don’t go out to shows as much as I used to. It happens.

But I’m still here, obviously. If you’re a touring band, please check the FAQ! If you’re having a lot of trouble booking a show in Missoula, feel free to hit me up over email and I’ll do my best. Love to all y’all. I’m sure I’ll still pop on here to post musings when inspiration strikes.

Anyway, hit me up at missoulapunknews [at] gmail [dot] com if you need to find me. I’m also on the Twitters @kettlemt. Party on.

hello! quick note to say that I am alive, and that it would be really feeble of me if I only ever posted on this blog to tell you about when “my” band is playing shows. so I am definitely not posting here, now, to do that. how silly.

anyhoo the show calendar is updated, which I do try to do with regularity although I am less clued-in to the scene these days since I’m not a calendar editor, nor am I going out to shows as often. Full-time, 9-5 work will make you a poser. I’m just telling you right now.

shoutout to the touring bands who have been contacting me, yes, I am delighted that summer touring season is starting! reminder that the FAQ on the site is still a handy resource and I am still not booking shows. I leave that to the Martys and Kyleses of this world.

also, worthy events are coming up include Eel Fest on May 27, Glass Spiders in Butte on June 11, Helms Alee at the Palace on June 19 and Amayafest on June 27.

I haven’t blogged in a while, so here’s a fun dump of crap for you. this post involves an embarrassing amount of things related to myself.

first things first*

(*I can never say that without responding, in my head, ‘I’m the realest,’ because I am a piece of millennial garbage who’s heard that Iggy Azalea song Fancy too many times)

anyway, there’s a benefit for Planned Parenthood on Saturday! at the ZACC! with comedy, bands, raffles and more! I can’t find the flyer online but here’s the Facebook event. $6, all ages, 7 pm, at the ZACC, with comedy from Sarah Aswell, Zack Troxel, Kyle Kulseth, Zack Jarvis, and bands including Drift, Deadbeats, Mido Skip, Eat Strike, Bozeman’s Zenitram and Blaine Janes, featuring yours truly as a second guitarist and assistant yelling person. whaaaaat yes I know crazy.

enjoy this blurry cellphone image

let’s see, also, Tacocat played the VFW Sunday night and it was the bees’ knees. I haven’t seen Tacocat in years, I don’t think, and since they last played Missoula they’ve really upped their slumber-party-on-molly aesthetic and also have some super solid jams. Surfing the crimson wave today!

also, in Kate Learns To Sew, I took this plaid Wrangler shirt, cut off the sleeves, sewed it smaller, and added a Mean Jeans patch made from a shirt that didn’t fit me. now it’s long enough to cover my ass when I’m wearing janky old see-through leggings! w00t.

pro tip: stand with your legs far apart so your thighs look amazing

ALSO, Marles Sparkley, host of the Trailers and Trash talk show hosted on YouTube, had me over for a live interview. I unveil the mysteries of being a working journalist who runs a poorly maintained punk blog on the side. A dog was under the table below us, licking his balls, so we kept getting distracted by that. just fyi. Thanks to Mr. Sparkley for inviting me on!

mmkay. lessee. last thing: Texas metal band Absu plays the Place on April 12, and DIVERS!!!! plays the VFW on April 14. See y’all there.