This will be the first night I spent at home since June 3rd. I don't spend a lot of time here -- plenty of reasons. Not wanting to be involved in or witness those 'family problems' you hear so much about, not wanting to have to look around at my bleak room walls -- a reminder of how unmotivated I am, not wanting to be pestered or annoyed (which lately, I have had the shortest temper but only at home)... right now, the only plus of being here is that this girl who strictly spends time with me just to use my phone has no reason to use said privilege when I am at home. It's cool.

I saw several missed calls from her earlier, along with one from my sister, and had assumed they were hanging out and wanted me to join their little get-together. No thank you. Later she called half an hour 'til midnight and asked if she could speak to so-and-so. Well, so-and-so isn't here, HAH. She sounded pretty sad, and if I didn't give much of a damn I may have felt bad. Hm.

Naw, I'm actually ok and pretty caring right now.. err.. sort of. I've had the habit of seriously losing concern about many things when I get online to write something, or enter a chat place, or email.. wherever communication is concerned I lose the spark in me that says I'm alive and I care. Just those online moods... I'll get myself psyched up to play Counter-Strike later... mmmmm DEATHMATCH. Addictive little server.

Here.. we are.. in the maelstrom of love, waiting for the calm to soothe our hearts. Here.. we are.. and don't know how to stop.. waiting for the war to end it all. Love is insane and, baby, we are too.