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Oh, goody. As if the nanny state hadn’t already intruded enough in our lives. Now the hectoring harridans of public safety are programming our urinals to nag as we take leaks.

In a frightfully expensive, six-week campaign that launched Wednesday, the provincial Transportation department will spend $380,000 to badger Albertans into not using their cellphones to text while they drive. The blitz will include billboards, posters and scolding urinal pucks.

It used to be a man could withdraw to the bathroom when he needed a little peace, but not in Alison Redford’s Alberta. Now at select bars and restaurants, when men unzip for a little relief in the washroom, a motion-activated deodorant disk in the drain of the urinal will harp, “Distracted by your crotch again, huh? Well, it’s fine to do it here, but it can kill behind the wheel. Keep your eyes up. Don’t text and drive. We know what you’re doing down there.”

The Redford Tories are never ones to miss an opportunity to remind us they’re smarter than we are — and more caring and moralistic.

It’s not that I’m in favour of texting and driving. Of all the distractions taking drivers’ attention away from the road ahead, texting has to be the worst.

Just don’t do it.

The problem is, preachy government campaigns are only temporarily effective, if at all. Most are useless.

They are symbolic gestures that permit smug politicians — such as Premier Nanny — to claim to be doing something about a public danger. Yet, few are more than preaching to the converted. Only people already inclined not to text and drive (or drink and drive, or smoke, or consume fatty foods) respond positively to sanctimonious government health and safety campaigns.

The worst texters/drunks/smokers/overeaters — i.e. the biggest threats to themselves and others — pay no attention. Indeed, there is some evidence that the harder governments try to reform personal behaviour the more likely chronic offenders are to keep breaking the rules out of spite.

According to a study released last year by the U.S. Highway Loss Data Institute (HLDI), texting bans have actually increased accident rates in most states that have imposed them. The HLDI compared each state’s accident rate before and after it enacted a ban. It also looked at the rates in neighbouring states without bans. What the institute discovered was “Texting bans haven’t reduced crashes at all.”

In fact, in three-quarters of the states examined, accidents actually increased.

The bans encouraged texting drivers to lower their phones from the steering wheel (where they could be seen by police) to their laps. That lengthened the amount of time their eyes where off the road and increased the number of collisions.

It’s like the false distinction crusading politicians insist on making between the dangers of handheld cellphones versus hands-free.

There is no evidence hands-free phones are safer. Study after study has concluded it is the act of talking while driving (on a phone or to a passenger) that is the accident-causing distraction, not the kind of cellphone used.

So when politicians ban handheld models in favour of hands-free, they are doing nothing to improve safety. All they are achieving is the self-satisfaction of being able to say they have listened to the concerns of the squeaky wheels and safety lobbyists.

It will be the same with the current “Crotches Kill” crusade. It will not reduce accidents for longer than the ad campaign runs, if at all.

The only action that would produce lasting results would be more enforcement and higher fines.

But don’t expect that. It would be expensive and not as vote-catching as talking toilets.

Poll

What worse speeding or distracted driving?

Attention-grabbing Alberta campaign targets distracted drivers

Frame grab from youarethecure.ca Alberta's Distracted Driving Campaign web site. The image shows what you could miss by looking down to texted. To encourage drivers to put an end to this dangerous behaviour, the government launched a two-phased campaign. The first wave calls attention to drivers who attempt to 'hide' texting by taking their eyes off the road and staring 'down there'. Photo Supplied

Photo Supplied

Frame grab from youarethecure.ca Alberta's Distracted Driving Campaign web site. The image shows what you could miss by looking down to texted. To encourage drivers to put an end to this dangerous behaviour, the government launched a two-phased campaign. The first wave calls attention to drivers who attempt to 'hide' texting by taking their eyes off the road and staring 'down there'. Photo Supplied

Photo Supplied

Bathroom poster for Alberta's Distracted Driving Campaign. To encourage drivers to put an end to this dangerous behaviour, the government launched a two-phased campaign. The first wave calls attention to drivers who attempt to 'hide' texting by taking their eyes off the road and staring 'down there'. Photo Supplied

Photo Supplied

Frame grab from youarethecure.ca Alberta's Distracted Driving Campaign web site. The image shows what you could miss by looking down to texted. To encourage drivers to put an end to this dangerous behaviour, the government launched a two-phased campaign. The first wave calls attention to drivers who attempt to 'hide' texting by taking their eyes off the road and staring 'down there'. Photo Supplied

Photo Supplied

Bathroom poster for Alberta's Distracted Driving Campaign. To encourage drivers to put an end to this dangerous behaviour, the government launched a two-phased campaign. The first wave calls attention to drivers who attempt to 'hide' texting by taking their eyes off the road and staring 'down there'. Photo Supplied

Gunter: Alberta's 'crotch' ads wrong-headed

Oh, goody. As if the nanny state hadn’t already intruded enough in our lives. Now the hectoring harridans of public safety are programming our urinals to nag as we take leaks.

In a frightfully expensive, six-week campaign that launched Wednesday, the provincial Transportation department will spend $380,000 to badger Albertans into not using their cellphones to text while they drive. The blitz will include billboards, posters and scolding urinal pucks.

It used to be a man could withdraw to the bathroom when he needed a little peace, but not in Alison Redford’s Alberta. Now at select bars and restaurants, when men unzip for a little relief in the washroom, a motion-activated deodorant disk in the drain of the urinal will harp, “Distracted by your crotch again, huh? Well, it’s fine to do it here, but it can kill behind the wheel. Keep your eyes up. Don’t text and drive. We know what you’re doing down there.”