I’ve been spending some time lately watching a really popular Chinese dating show called “If You’re The One.” Here’s the basic premise:

– 24 girls, 1 guy

– Girls have the option to either keep their light on (interested) or off (not interested) for the guy. They can turn their light off whenever they want.

– When the guy first comes out, he secretly picks one girl as his First Impression girl, or literally translated as “The girl that moved my heart.” This choice is only revealed to the host and people watching at home.

– There then is banter between the host and the bachelorettes, as they unleash their opinions about the bachelor in question.

– At the end of the segment, given that there is more than 1 girl who has her light on still, the bachelor picks 2 girls to find out more info. In addition, the First Impression girl is thrown into the mix, too, regardless of whether she left her light on or not.

– Result: the bachelor can pick one of the girls to “take away,” but if he chooses his First Impression girl and she did not leave her light on for him, he has to plead for her to give him a chance.

I started watching the show because it’s the type of absurdity that you know would never exist in reality. For example, the girls are extremely honest with their opinions of the bachelors. “He’s a little fat.” “He looks a little gay.” “I question his fashion sense.” And my favorite: “He looks poor.” But when the bachelor is extremely good looking (quite rare), or is an overall great catch, the girls get super desperate. “It’s my dream to be the perfect wife for you.” “I will cook for you and bring you food to your office, everyday.” “I can look a lot prettier if you want me to.” Basically pleas along the lines of, “I will do everything short of wiping your ass. OK, I could do that, too.”

So, the most interesting observation I’ve made pertains to how bachelors handle their First Impression girl, the girl who moved their heart. I would say, of all the episodes I’ve watched, close to 90% of men choose their First Impression girl in the end, regardless of whether she left her light on or not. And about 99% of time, the girl rejects him. And the more she says “no,” the more the bachelor ups his game. Which, then forces the girl to say something devastating cliche like, “Let’s try to be friends first.” He’s then left empty-handed and publicly humiliated in front of millions of viewers who were rooting for any of the other girls.

Two. Girls may not know if you are what they want, but they sure know when you’re NOT what they want.

Three. When a guy has his eyes on the prize, all other options pale in comparison.

Four. If a girl rejects a guy, her mind is made up.

Five. When a guy is faced with rejection, his first inclination is to try harder.

Six. Girls can be dicks, too.

So in the end, if she’s pretty clear that she’s not interested, she’s not interested. And the energy you spend trying to convince her otherwise should be used to open your eyes to the other “contestants” who are just as great, if not better.