MARTY RUSSELL: A bit of this, a bit of that; mostly dumb

Some thoughts on the news this week which has not been exactly a stellar week for news unless you’re watching the George Zimmerman/Michael Jackson trials or the birth of another Kardashian which I’m pretty sure is one of the Biblical signs of the Apocalypse.
Let’s start with Edward Snowden, the young high school dropout who spilled the beans on the government’s surveillance of all our phone and Internet usage and is now the topic of speculation as to where he’ll go next to avoid being extradited to the United States. He faces possible trial on espionage charges here. Someone really ought to buy him a red and white striped pointed cap with a tassel on top and then we could all play “Where’s Waldo?”
Is it just me or does this guy not seem to be playing with a full deck? I mean who leaves Hawaii where he had a nice house, a job with a salary most of us only dream of and a pole-dancing girlfriend to move to Iceland, as is speculated to be one of his final destinations? And we learned Tuesday from Russian President Putin that while Snowden is, indeed, in Russia, he’s just been hanging out at the airport for a couple of days. Who would choose to spend time in an airport? Most of us who have had to on occasion would rather spend time at Guantanamo.
Then there’s poor Paula Deen, an older white woman from the South accused of being a racist. Imagine that. No word on whether the Supreme Court took Deen and her ilk into account when striking down a portion of the Voting Rights Act Tuesday. Deen, who has lost most of her TV work and endorsements in the wake of the allegations, has admitted to using the “n” word on occasion. But the reporters and broadcasters never define the “n” word for us. I’m assuming it’s “nuked,” as in Paula saying, “and then I nuked that casserole for 30 seconds and it was done.”
That’s certainly a crime for anyone who passes themselves off as a consummate cook.
But the story that really had me intrigued this week is that ancient Egyptian statue in a museum in Manchester, England, that suddenly just started turning itself around all on its own. Museum officials used time-lapse photography to monitor the more than 2,000-year-old artifact and discovered it doing a perfect 360 over the course of a week.
Scientists who have examined it speculate that it is the vibration from the foot traffic of museum visitors that is causing the statue to move although they are puzzled as to why it moves in a perfect circle.
The artifact, discovered in a tomb, is inscribed on the back with a request for beer.
Maybe the museum staff should just buy it a beer. If I had gone 2,000 years without one I’d be spinning in my grave too.
MARTY RUSSELL writes a Wednesday column for the Daily Journal. He can be reached at marty.russell56@gmail.com.