Does God speak? In the silence of the wilderness, in the shattering noise of a city street? What does it mean to wrestle with gender, and not accept the standard of just being gay? What does it mean to speak about that journey, accepting others, yet still be true to your own self?
This is my journey out of silence, out of the shadows of others, not afraid of my own voice, rather, listening to my Rabbi speak my name, giving me strength.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Lent...Day 5

I read recently in Hebrews that during Jesus' (God incarnate) life on earth, that he offered up prayer and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.

There was a light bulb moment with these verses (Heb 5:7-10) as it revealed to me that Jesus suffered on earth. That he cried out with loud cries and tears to God to save him and that he was heard because of his reverent submission.

Why did Jesus of all people have to cry out to be saved and especially in this way? It shows that he felt pain, that there was angst in him in regards to struggles or suffering that he was enduring here on earth. There is a part of me that realizes that he knows my own struggle and that he brings peace and understanding as I cry out with loud cries and tears to God to save me. I know that He has heard me and I continue to submit with reverance.

Again, it often feels like a fire raging in my body, in my mind and those are the times when I need to cry out. Be that to a person, or to God or maybe to the cats! As I have written before, we are not on the earth just to get out of life, what we think we deserve or have our pleasures met whenever we feel like it. There is discipline and there is peace with that. There is control and there is grace with that. So I continue to press in. Part of the fast for me is to gain a better understanding of my relationship with God. It is reading the word and praying that the holy spirit makes it come alive in my life. It is serving the community around me in love.

I miss eating though. Today, my finely tuned smelling device smelt some wonderfully amazing food. My body aches and I long to comfort myself. Again, press in and see that the Lord is good, and he has nothing but good for me. He is my stonghold in whom shall I be afraid. He is my salvation in whom shall I fear. He provides for the littlest of creatures and so how much more will he supply my needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

So I stand with the knowledge that life is not always easy, that my comfort needs to come from God. That even Christ suffered with loud cries and tears (glad to know I am not alone in that) and he understands me more than I realize.

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About Me

My wife and I are learning from others that living ideally in a close knit community, reaching out to others and being debt free are important. Sharing stories and inspiring people to be the best that they can be. We enjoy music, poetic lyrics and art.
Art and words (spoken), any way you look at it, is an expression of someone's inner workings, what is actually being brought out into the light of day, either on canvas or on paper. We enjoy moments of self reflection as we pick up a pencil, paint brush or camera. It is actually liberating to turn the TV off and walk into creation...and get your hands dirty.