wednesday the 15th

Is there such a thing?Remember how lucky I felt on Friday the 13th? Well I suppose, the gods and goddesses of destiny really wouldn't let me get away with it. And they have to do it on the day after V-day. Is this how post-Valentine's should be like?

I have been experiencing hyperacidity since yesterday and up to now, the pain is still half-killing me. The medicines given to me were effective for a while but the pain comes back eventually, after a few hours or so. Sometimes it's bearable, sometimes it's not. And then an unexpected "visitor" came by today and doubled my body pain. Argh. This is so not good.

Anyway, you probably noticed the new layout. Blah. Too tired to explain. Basta, temporary lang to. Well, at least as long as the crappy feeling doesn't go away then this will stay. Haha.

I always tell myself that everyday is like a page in the book of life, as days go by you get nearer to the happy ending. Ironically, the opposite is happening to me. As each day comes to an end, I feel like I'm being pulled further and further away from that rainbow-colored ending. And now all I can see are dark clouds and rain. Happy ending nowhere in sight. Haaay. I feel so guilty of something I don't know today. Apparently, there was something I didn't say to someone that made her feel bad. I don't know what it is, but from the looks of it, it's kind of HUGE. And now I really don't know WHAT to feel anymore. You know? Someone gets mad at me for saying something, and now even not telling something leads to a problem. Okay, so I'm not saying that wala na akong kasalanan (though I really don't know what I did wrong). I just really really feel like a HUGE piece of crap. I'm like this huge, gigantic and big piece of walking CRAP. And I hate this feeling. People who know me can attest to the fact that I really hate disappointing people who mean a lot to me. But most of the time I really do -- unpurposely. And I can't help it that sometimes I really say mean words or I forget to do some things. In the end, I hate the feeling of making someone feel bad because of something you did na unconsciously, hurt someone pala. All I ever wanted was for things to be happy but it turns out, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe you're expecting a crying Karla, but no surprisingly I'm not crying. No tears are coming out of my eyes probably because I feel numb, or my eyes are all dried out already. Whatever. I don't know what I did, what I said, what I DIDN'T do or DIDN'T say. All I really want is for things to go back to the way they are, back to when there were no mountains in between, back when no one else cared, back when there were no others, back when things weren't so complicated, back when nothing else mattered. I just want things to be okay. And though I know it's not going to be anytime soon, I hope you know that I really do want us to be okay again.

I'm sorry. I don't know why but I just want to say sorry because I know I owe you one. And I don't know how hurt you are or how painful it is but I want you to know that the last thing I want to do is make you feel bad. And I probably did it because I didn't want to cause any more troubles.

Then again, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED so how am I supposed to know if this apology is appropriate?! Darn. Why, oh, why do they have to leave me out of this when in fact I'M the one concerned? Sheesh.

wednesday the 15th

Is there such a thing?Remember how lucky I felt on Friday the 13th? Well I suppose, the gods and goddesses of destiny really wouldn't let me get away with it. And they have to do it on the day after V-day. Is this how post-Valentine's should be like?

I have been experiencing hyperacidity since yesterday and up to now, the pain is still half-killing me. The medicines given to me were effective for a while but the pain comes back eventually, after a few hours or so. Sometimes it's bearable, sometimes it's not. And then an unexpected "visitor" came by today and doubled my body pain. Argh. This is so not good.

Anyway, you probably noticed the new layout. Blah. Too tired to explain. Basta, temporary lang to. Well, at least as long as the crappy feeling doesn't go away then this will stay. Haha.

I always tell myself that everyday is like a page in the book of life, as days go by you get nearer to the happy ending. Ironically, the opposite is happening to me. As each day comes to an end, I feel like I'm being pulled further and further away from that rainbow-colored ending. And now all I can see are dark clouds and rain. Happy ending nowhere in sight. Haaay. I feel so guilty of something I don't know today. Apparently, there was something I didn't say to someone that made her feel bad. I don't know what it is, but from the looks of it, it's kind of HUGE. And now I really don't know WHAT to feel anymore. You know? Someone gets mad at me for saying something, and now even not telling something leads to a problem. Okay, so I'm not saying that wala na akong kasalanan (though I really don't know what I did wrong). I just really really feel like a HUGE piece of crap. I'm like this huge, gigantic and big piece of walking CRAP. And I hate this feeling. People who know me can attest to the fact that I really hate disappointing people who mean a lot to me. But most of the time I really do -- unpurposely. And I can't help it that sometimes I really say mean words or I forget to do some things. In the end, I hate the feeling of making someone feel bad because of something you did na unconsciously, hurt someone pala. All I ever wanted was for things to be happy but it turns out, that's not going to happen anytime soon. Maybe you're expecting a crying Karla, but no surprisingly I'm not crying. No tears are coming out of my eyes probably because I feel numb, or my eyes are all dried out already. Whatever. I don't know what I did, what I said, what I DIDN'T do or DIDN'T say. All I really want is for things to go back to the way they are, back to when there were no mountains in between, back when no one else cared, back when there were no others, back when things weren't so complicated, back when nothing else mattered. I just want things to be okay. And though I know it's not going to be anytime soon, I hope you know that I really do want us to be okay again.

I'm sorry. I don't know why but I just want to say sorry because I know I owe you one. And I don't know how hurt you are or how painful it is but I want you to know that the last thing I want to do is make you feel bad. And I probably did it because I didn't want to cause any more troubles.

Then again, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED so how am I supposed to know if this apology is appropriate?! Darn. Why, oh, why do they have to leave me out of this when in fact I'M the one concerned? Sheesh.

She's a modern lover; it's an exploration, she's made of outer space

Hello, I'm Karla Bernardo. If you Google my name, you will find the Wikipedia entry of a Canadian serial-killer (and trust me, you do not want
to read about that - but I'm sure you will because now you're curious), which is why I suggest you type Bombastarr instead so you can stalk me better.

I am twenty-four years old, but nobody believes me when I tell them that. I am completely in love with the University of the Philippines, where I graduated with a degree in Creative Writing, and where I am currently a law student. It is also where I learned how to speak a bit of Italian, got a taste of the best tapsilog, and took striptease for PE.

Ask, and you shall be answered

Got a comment, question, violent reaction, love letter, or random piece of information you want to share with me? Just fire away. I don't bite.

(I changed my form and went back to Freedback because Ask.fm's being a bitch, requiring people to sign up for accounts before asking questions. Because I love you guys, I tweaked my ask box a bit, so that the questions will now go directly to my e-mail, but I'll be posting the answers still on my Ask.fm for convenience. TL;DR - I'll still be getting your questions so no worries. You're still free to harass me / send me your love.)

Most Frequently Asked Question

Are you a pornstar?No, I am not a pornstar, stripper, or your friendly neighborhood call girl. It's just a fancy pseudonym with a long history, and two R's. Rawr.

Bombastarr.com

Bombastarr is my personal blog and my little corner in the Internet since 2005. Yes, I started writing here when I was 13 years old (aka when I was very angsty, hormonal, and always gushing at the littlest things) -- ergo, you'd have to forgive me if you come across an old post that reeks of immaturity and slightly unpolished grammar. I did a lot of growing up here, and from the looks of it, there's still a lot of growing up to do, so I don't think I'll be leaving this place any time soon.

The domain, Bombastarr.com, was purchased on June 2014 and
launched on July 2014, on the blog's ninth year (and fifth month, to be exact).

It's crazy to think that this blog is now eleven years old, because (1) that seems like an eternity in internet years, and (2) that means if my blog were a kid, it's a fifth grader! That's insane.

Here's to more tales, explosive and otherwise.

So, why Bombastarr?

If you've been living under a rock and think I'm a threat to world peace or an object of covetousness, sorry to disappoint you, folks: it's just a fancy pseudonym.

As in most things, it started in high school. It began as a joke between me and a couple of friends during our freshman year. We were practicing for a field demonstration dance which involved the use of shawls, and being the crazy-always-trying-to-be-funny person that I was (or I always attempted to be) I started doing poses with the garment. Someone started taking my picture using my phone, and one shot looked like I was posing for those B-list movies (or should it be R-list, as in R-rated?) of the vegetable-nomenclature variety. #IKYWIM. Hence, the word, "Bombastarr." Yes, very cheeky, I know, but for a 13-year-old, it was quirky enough to figure as a username. That was 2005, right around the time I trying to decide on a URL for a new blog. It's been a lot of years since, and what started as a joke became something I've eventually embraced as an identity.

Despite the many other chances I've gotten to permanently move (to Multiply, Livejournal, Tumblr, Wordpress; to a bigger platform where I can earn or use the blog as a venue for commerce), I've come to realize that Bombastarr is something I can never truly leave behind. It is a place I've grown to appreciate and love because it is a place I can call my own. It's a venue for my rants, my views, my writing. It is home, and it is who I am.

Bombastarr is a glimpse of my life: the thoughts, ideas, and stories that shape it into what it is, and what it will still become. This journal has been with me for all my crazy, often embarrassing adventures, but I'm sure there will be more anecdotes and feelings and people to write about. Which is something I'm really looking forward to. After all, you know what they say about the greatest stories - sometimes, there's still a lot that's left unwritten.