I've been on a meme roll today… this one keeps cracking me up. It’s so perfect for the past few days for me.

Ok, week.

Since the whole SCOTUS Kennedy retirement announcement to be honest but that’s a whole different blog. That this coming Monday represents the first of a figuratively large flight of steps for me, just makes it even more apt of a meme!

Plus, Thomas.

I mean… Who doesn’t still scream “YOU’RE CAUSING CONFUSION AND DELAY!” at stupid people in traffic? Right?

Nobody?

*sigh

Anyway, just because you know a path is a good one, that it’s legit, researched, and you know you’ve got this, and you’ve got people who’ve got your back…. doesn’t mean it’s anxiety free, especially when the step is for you and you alone. Going forward means recognizing (fuck) that things must change. Honestly… it’s easier to just ignore and complain but that’s just not realistic. That’s also why I'm a board member on our community association. Taking a “skill” though, and turning it into a “business” for me now that the “business” of being mom is downsizing is a logical but fucking scary step. Balancing that with the rest of life means trying not to overthink while making sure you haven’t forgotten something important! Compartmentalizing has never been my strong suit and putting myself first as an individual is something that, frankly, I'm not really skilled at even though I suffer from high self-esteem. I'm appreciative for friends who remind me that I know I can do it and that a problem shared is not always a problem doubled.

BUT… on the outside? Fuck yeah, I have that shit together and I am going to KILL these next two weeks in Boston! ^5

On the goal topic again, about two and a half months out from the 5k. Am in the doubt phase and considering a mile walk instead of a 5k. Probably relative to either the ridiculously hot temperatures lately or maybe the current emotional going-ons but I'm getting in a mile and a quarter in 24 minutes.

How do you counter self-doubting thoughts?

I’ve posted pictures of this waterfall in a blog ago but it’s worthy of a repost since I hiked there again recently. Kilgore Falls in Maryland, the second highest waterfall in the state.

And what's a better way to celebrate a hike to a waterfall than.... meat. Right? Say hello to my leeetle 24 oz, 45 day aged porterhouse.

You've probably heard the popular thinking regarding men's dating profiles... if you have a picture of you and a dog, more ladies will check you out.

Recently I've discovered this is also true here. I spent entirely too much time recently watching this dog:

Annnnnyway....

Goals. Got any?

I'm putting mine out here first... Completing a 5K walk in under 75 minutes at the end of September.

I recently completed a goal of a golf outing (Pilgrim's Oak for any local golfers... it's a beast of a course!) with a group of folks I'd never met before. I did well, and by well I mean not that much worse than the lady I was paired with who has been golfing for the past ten years. I've been doing it for three.

Here's what happened. I was sex toy shopping the other day, in an actual store. I know, I know, why would I do that when there's Prime shipping? Trust me, it's going to be a while before I go in one again.

I was talking with the saleslady about my new second favorite toy, the Satisfyer Pro2,

which had been helpfully shipped to me discreetly packaged. Within two days. It had been recommended to me by a former blogger here, and she wasn't lying about how good it is. That being said, it DOES take some getting used to. Being a suction toy, it makes the appropriate sucking noises. It also vibrates, so coupled with the sucking noises it can make me giggle. By giggle I mean snortlaugh. Totally sexy. Honest.

Fortunately, like all funny things, they're only funny the first few times so once I got over the giggles, I could ignore the sound and focus on the sensation... hence it skyrocketing to the number two spot on the list. Sadly, it'll never get to number one. Much like Foreigner.

All that's ruined now. The ever-so-helpful saleslady, after hearing of my struggles to get past the sound it made, commiserated. She said she herself had had the same problem because it sounded like...... IT SOUNDED LIKE......

OWEN FUCKING WILSON SAYING "WOW!"

Ok, she didn't say the fucking part, that's all me. I'm now back to square one with this thing but it's really more like negative square ten. I just know I'm going to be allllllmost there and "WOW."

May was a whirlwind travel month... I was away more than I was home I think! Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee and Arkansas... can I say I'm so glad to be back in the Mid-Atlantic! As a transplanted southerner, it's hard to go back sometimes.

No Florida pics, we've seen enough of those. For those of you who appreciate history and interesting architecture, the Grove Park Inn near Asheville, NC has both!

On the Voyeur/Exhibitionist scale, where Voyeurs are a 1 and Exhibitionists are a 10, I'm pretty much a 2. I very much enjoy watching men but for the love of all that's naked, I really just want to see the happy endings. Therefore, some of the things I take into consideration before clicking on a cam thumbnail are:

How long has he been on? More than 45 minutes means he's probably just halfheartedly tugging on a semi while watching other cams. Pass. Less than 4 or 5 minutes? I'll come back in 10 and see where he's at.

Camera placement? Laptop cams are almost always too close to the keyboard. There's something a little frightening about watching a giant hand fill the screen while dude is typing to someone. Helpful hint: If your cam is on the same soft surface as you are (couch/bed,) it's going to look like there's an earthquake going on when things get vigorous!

Earlier this morning I saw a thumbnail and, sweartogawd, it looked like the dude was sitting on his couch SUCKING HIS OWN DICK!!! While he was stroking it with both hands too! Now I've seen a few self suck videos before, they usually involve some type of contortionist-type moves but this guy was just slightly bent over and.... holy crap I couldn't click on that cam fast enough!

Imagine my disappointment when it wasn't his dick at all, he was smoking a bong.

Today is National Beer Day, or so I hear from pocogato. I thought it was every day but that might just be a Delaware thing. I wonder when National Bourbon day is? In any event, I need to get hopping if I'm going to celebrate that cold beverage properly!

Side note: Boy, those polls bring out all kinds of non-bloggers!!!! Hope at least one or two decide to stick around and write a little.

My favorite beer is from Founders Brewery in Michigan, a very dark and fruity brew called Lizard of Koz. An imperial stout made with blueberries, chocolate and vanilla. It's aged in Bourbon barrels (part of why it's my favorite) and pours at a whopping ten and a half percent ABV!

What's your favorite beer?

As always, comments are moderated for non-friends. Feel free to send me a friend request or add a comment on my private blog to that effect if you'd like.

One of the very best things about being 50 is that my period has become quite irregular! It's so cool having Aunt Flow show up a few days early one month and ten days late another! (April Fools duh) Over the years, there have been a few times where I've had to tell my partners that Mother Nature had come to call and they've responded in a variety of ways. Now that unpredictability has become the norm, I expect I'm going to have to find suggestions for alternate activities.

When you (or your partner) are faced with the unexpected visitor on playpen day, what do you do?

Reschedule

Platonic Date

Get almost naked together and just call what's under the panties off-limits

Life's wheel feels like it's finally rollin' off of me. It could be the recent warm weather, or the uncomfortable-but-necessary hard conversations with the husband, but I feel less "just hang on and hope this crushing weight rolls off soon" and more... "heyyyyyy, how YOU doin'?"

(I use a wheel analogy when I think about my emotions/moods/circumstances/life sometimes. My world is a wheel... if you've seen the scene from Pirates of the Caribbean where Johnny Depp is running along on the rolling waterwheel, that's kind of what I'm thinking. One minute I'm running along on the top and things are ok and the next thing I know I've gotten sucked under it or inside of it and I'm either crushed for a bit or bounced all around until I can get a grip. Don't knock my analogy, it works for me. I can deal with the crush and the bounce because eventually I'll roll back up on top.)

I know this for a few reasons. First, I told a little story recently, to a new friend. A conversational, offhand story. A story that for the past 18 years would have made me cry as soon as I started to tell it. I wear all my emotions like clothes. Because I'm a name-dropper, poor "Rex" knows this, he made the mistake of asking me "How's it going?" once at a SUPER-crowded breakfast joint, where I proceeded to literally cry in front of him and anybody else who had eyes. *sigh There's never any mistaking what I'm feeling so I usually avoid telling that particular story in public. I didn't mean to tell it, it just kind of fell out of my mouth and while I was listening to myself talking, my brain was thinking "that's so fucking sad. damn." And that was it. Nothing more, no trip down thought lane, just acknowledgement of a horribly sad moment in time and... moving on. It took me a few days to realize that it was the first time that had ever happened. I suppose it's like the last stage of grief, you can talk as a teller and not feel like a participant again every time.

Or maybe that's just me.

Secondly, I have a crush. Someone who I want to "like me best." Not in any kind of pathological way, just a general feeling I recently acknowledged and grinned to myself at. I like that feeling. Even if they never know, I know.

Lastly, (and if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you) I'm actually looking forward to some me time. I mean actual "no work, have some kahlua in my coffee after the school bus comes, perv some men on cams, watch some porn, have a slice of cold pizza, have another cup of kahlua because the coffee is gone, spend some quality time in the shower, get my toys out and dust them off, wander naked to the linen closet to grab a towel because I almost forgot, have a thoroughly enjoyable date with the wand and then a nap" kind of me time. My alone time is practically non-existent, limited to a short hour here or there, never scheduled, so I'm pretty much reliant on what I call the UtilityOrgasm™. Sponsored by Moen Handheld Shower Wands. It's the quickie, in a guaranteed private location, just to take the edge off kind of orgasm. To have an entire day where I can indulge ALL of my me-ness, like writing this blog even, is a luxury that doesn't come along often.

Here's the bridge I was referring to... the Memphis-Arkansas bridge over the mighty Mississippi.

Yup, that's yours truly with [blog WOTW2016], and "Superwoman" by Kiki Kogelnik. I hopped on a train yesterday to meet in Washington DC. We spent the day at the National Museum of Women in Art and saw some amazing work. ALL by women! I've added a new painter to my list of favorites, Patricia Tobacco Forrester. Check out her colors!

Saw a "Grandma" Moses painting for the first time ever, that's always quite exciting!

As expected, I did not get the job I interviewed for. I also did not get the job at the same place that I did NOT interview for. I was apparently also being considered for a more administrative position. I don't think I've ever gotten a rejection letter for a job I didn't interview for.

So to drown my sorrows (*snicker) I went to see Stanley Jordan with a girlfriend of mine and actually got to meet him. (Side note to anyone near Philly... I highly recommend checking out South. It's a restaurant/intimate jazz club that hosts some superb artists and has great cocktails too) Jordan's talent is incredible, I've never seen someone play guitar, piano and sing at the same time! If you like jazz and jazz interpretations of classics, check him out.

Since it's cold and bleak here and I have no valentine with me, I spent yesterday at the pool at Harrah's Casino in Atlantic City with some more friends. I'll admit, and I appreciate the volunteers in advance to fill the spot, I miss having someone to send sexy bikini pics to now. Check this place out... spending the day in 82° weather under a dome while outside the temp is hovering around freezing was the bomb.