i might be able to improve a few things. i might be able to grow up. i'd like to make my tax returns into something positive. last year it was a car. this year could be a down payment on an apartment. if that makes sense at this point.

i ran today. i could try and do that more often again. it wasn't too cold. i felt good. the loop is just under a mile and a half. enough to get my heart racing as long as i maintain my pace.

niece and nephew are here because my brother and sister in law are at a party in their neighborhood. we watched a youtube new years countdown for kids and my niece thought it was cool.

i could always try and cut back even more on the smoking. just fight the boredom cigarette. fight the roll out of bed cigarette. fight the end of the night cigarette.

just kind of enjoy it with my coffee. chatting with coworkers on break. driving smokes are hit or miss

i don't feel that way a lot of times. what's that song rubber band man about? i think it's about being born inside of a rubber band. not inside of a rubber band but surrounded by a rubber band. and we're just running forward and the rubber band is around our waist.

i mean... it's a stretchy rubber band. you can go quite a ways. but... like if you drew a force diagram... i mean this is my personal experience. this is how i view my life and circumstances. i'm fine with people believing differently but do get annoyed by the notion that is preached of an untethered life. we shouldn't regret or escape our past.

you can't erase. now that's a song... the more you try to erase me...

i mean it's good to celebrate things as turning over a new leaf, though i'm not sure what that means.

just giving a dash of depressive logic. it's infectious really. thinking like that. it has some value.

i'm going to not drink coffee at work. i'm having a second cup now. i think it's a little game of amped up on caffeine and then letting off steam from the coffee. so maybe no coffee will prevent me from doing the five o'clock smoke while walking between labs.

and tomorrow i think i'm going to run again. my legs are sore today, but i'll try tomorrow. it felt good yesterday. my pace was eight minutes. which is good. i like that pace. the problem is that i'm always pacing myself when i run. i'll probably run at a seven thirty pace before long. even though i'm fine with an eight pace. it's just ingrained in me from running competitively to just whittle away at it.

Hmm... interesting considerations relating to the elasticity and momentum of time. I mean kind of.

I don’t have New Year’s resolutions. Is what I’m getting at. But, it appears as though I do have some New Year’s calculations brewing.

I’ve been to bed by midnight every night. Up early yesterday and today. Went for the second run yesterday morning. About the same pace. Going to play it safe with a rest day. I always bust my knee when I run everyday.

And I’ve been binge eating. As simple as that. I don’t eat before work. I don’t eat at work. Then I eat everything at midnight. 0 to 60 for the metabolism to handle. So I’m working on that now as well.

The smoking? Meh. I think I smoked seven yesterday. Is what it is. Doesn’t seem to be affecting the running at this point.

And I’m back to reading from my Bible. Which keeps my brain functioning.