The 5th Annual 10 Softest Niggas In the Game

Ayo whattup whattup yall…the mighty Hands of Zeus aka Galaxy Knuckles aka Thor Molecules aka Volcano Hands otherwise known as the one n only Cocaine Biceps is back witta nother meal for yall malnourished muthafuckas namsayin. Once again its that time of year where we recognize the softest niggas in the game nahmean. We gotta couple MVPs…mad veterans n even a rookie up in this shit…so yall peep the flyness.

10. J Cole …aka Nap King Cole aka Young Eeyore aka The Bokeem Woodbine of Rap aka the poor man’s Drake. Ayo Jermaine is bitter bout sumthin b…nobody really understands what tho. You would think that any mediocre ass rapper/mediocre ass producer would jus be happy to be the first muthafucka signed to the worlds most famous nigga’s label n shit. But naw…that aint good enough for Diet Drizzy b. Son still poses for pictures like somebody snapped all his crayolas in half… Son frowns like he jus rode his seatless bike to the 7-Eleven to buy a slurpee n they only had Sprite flavor left n shit. The many other facial expressions of Jermaine seem to include “My balloon animals done came untwisted” n “Why he get two turns on the trampoline n I only got one?”….you get the idea tho. Ayo this nigga’s mixtapes was never really the most exciting shit in the first place namsayin. I mean dont me wrong b…they was cool…but they wasnt nothin to have a parade over neither. But when he dropped that stillbirth of a first album…son…that shit could stop paint fom dryin. That shit could relax a broad’s hair b. Straight up. This nigga’s own shadow wont even get outta bed in the morning no more cuz of this depressing ass muthafucka. Son inspirin a whole generation of lame mediocre ass niggas to start pickin up mics n make boring ass watered down flavorless “lettuce rap” (Get it? LET US rap…) jus like the homie Jermaine. Plus he got the softest dudes walkin the earth throwin rocks at his lawn chair. Son got the poster child for hurt feelings hisself aka Canibus throwin shots at him b. Cole even got that prairie dog looking muthafucka Charles “Milk Carton” Hamilton to poke his head outta the ground n shit on the little homie’s career achievments a bit. But never mind them two dusty ass niggas…This boy got washed by DIGGY son. As in THIS nigga b…

9. Diggy – Son…what part of the game is this? This nigga still rock Pull-Ups at night b…how he gon start beef? Im sayin son was still eatin Gerber joints not too long ago….HOW he got beef? Son is the black Malcom In The Middle…HOW this nigga beefin wit Jermaine tho son? We need answers. And when I say that Cole took the L on that…ayo that was by default son. How you got niggas like Diggy demandin your fade? And why the fuck is Diggy tryin to eat this niggas food? Either way…this shit aint no beef son. This jus more of that lamb nahmean.

8. Charles Hamilton – Ayo speakin of struggles you probably wont ever come across a higher scorer on life’s pinball machine of failures than this delusional muthafucka rite here b. Son done hit every bumper n kicker on that bitch n kept that ball rollin for more than jussa hot minute namsayin. This nigga done slingshotted into every corner of turmoil n struggle there is n basically became more famous for lyin his ass off bout workin wit the ghost of J Dilla n bein a founding member of Slaughterhouse than for his damn music par. And lets dont forget this shit rite here b….

Thats rite…the broad bust you in your muthafuckin mouth n you tried to play that shit off like…”Imma jus keep rhymin tho”..Son even went after Young Eeyore…n not on no “I think Im nicer than you n Im comin for your spot” shit…but on some sensitive ass “How you forget bout me when I was the one who cared bout you most n use to tell ey’body how great you was” type shit. Ayo phone that nigga next time or hit up his facebook…dont nobody wanna hear that bitchmade shit b. Saddest part is the nigga got talent. But its hard to look past the racks n racks of Ls the bastard done took.

7. Mac Miller aka – Ever since Asher Roth fell the fuck off…the new king of Gentrification Hop jus been baskin in all his cushiony splendor on a mountain of duvets rhymin bout eatin macaroni salads n buildin pillow forts in his living room n whatever whatever… This muthafucka been workin wit plenty heavyweights n veterans lately…but that wont change sons pedigree one bit namsayin. Word is bond…back when young Malcom’s ancestors was still holdin muthafuckas like Gulliver captive n bakin cookies in trees…the forefathers of Rap was layin down the foundation for future emcees to rhyme bout they experiences n murder beats n what have you. Then New Jack Swing came along n fucked all that shit up nahmean…before you knew it mad niggas was rockin silk polka dot outfits n climbin all over each other when they danced n breakin all the man codes in existence namsayin. Accordin to the legends I heard… it was durin that “set adrift on memory bliss” era that a mad scientist took a My Buddy doll n marinated it in all the Johnson & Johnsons baby products the nigga could find n took it to a park while it was a light drizzle outside n tied it to a kite n let that shit hover over a rainbow for like 15 minutes n then buried it in his cabbage patch nahmean…. 9 months later the snow nigga Mac sprouted outta the ground. True story b…

6. Lil Bow Wow …aka The Emmanuel Lewis of Rap. The boy Shad always got that trash on deck namsayin. Words cant even express how much I dont give a fuck bout sons music b. But whats funny to me is I dont even gotta hear the niggas music to kno how disillusioned the nigga is bout his purpose in hip hop nahmean. Son actually thought he was jus gon make a nice smooth transition from doin that little schoolgirl rap to bein on some Nino Brown shit. Nah yo…this nigga is a snack b. The nigga is dim sum. He a fragment…he like a single perogy. Niggas would eat that boy alive son. He a bite sized morsel namsayin (pause). On some real shit…we aint take Busta Rhymes serious when son fabricated his cocaine kingpin history outta the blue. We NEVER believed Rozay was pushin any weight other than his own…n we wasnt buyin Drake’s Hebrew Gambino character from the Headlines video. So son….we DAMN sure aint takin Lil Bow Wow serious like that. The Young Money affiliation aint helpin shit neither my nigga.

5. Tyga – Swear this nigga got World Star videos pumpin thru his veins at all times b. This amphibian ass lookin muthafucka means the same thing to rap what ukuleles mean to basketball…not a damn thing. Only thing softer n more corny than a soft n corny ass nigga is a soft n corny ass nigga who dont recognize his own soft corniness n tries to portray hisself as a don or some shit. Meanwhile the nigga looks like a newborn rodent. I got jeans that weigh more than this muthafucka b. Get him the fuck outta here.

4. Yung Berg …aka the Tailor of Failure aka the Shepard of Ls aka Grandmaster Trash aka….the Yung Berg of Rap. Son is like the aborted fetus of success itself namsayin. The nigga’s music can make it rain Lugz boots from the sky b. Son’s existence is like a muthafuckin pinata of failures or some shit…the nigga jus keeps losin b. When he be playin Scrabble that nigga gotta figure out how to make a word outta seven Ls. Im sayin when he has a bowl of Alphabet soup that shit is all Ls too yo. The niggas aura is shaped like a teardrop b. Im sayin son is livin proof that nature can be cruel than a muthafucka g…

3. Wale aka Olubowale Victor Akintimehin Folarin – When son brought his slave wave to the game…nobody thought he would amount to shit b. NOBODY…. And they was right. There aint one muthafucka in the industry who crowns hisself for more accomplishments that he never actually accomplished than ya boy Olubowale be doin nahmean. To be honest tho…son aint even trash like that…he jus emotionally delicate n he got the personality of a 7 year old white kid from Bel Air namsayin. If you aint never seen the nigga throw a tantrum you either dont got access to the internets or you jus dont actually kno who the fuck son is at all son. But son is mad protective over his image b. Like.. more than normal niggas usually is namsayin. This the type of dude who updates his own wikipedia page b.

The Olubowale struggle is real my nigga.. Never mind that son be lookin like he was chewin on lit firecrackers. WHY this nigga always beefin wit video models n retaliatin back at muthafuckas on twitter who only got like 27 followers tho? Why this nigga gotta make a youtube video ey’time he gets his feelings hurt b? Cmon son…that emotionally fragile shit aint whats poppin at all bruh bruh.

2. Drake aka the Patron Saint of Tenderness aka the Human Glee Episode aka The Inventor of the Audio Scrunchie aka the Merchant of Cuddles otherwise known as The Wizard of Pause. When son aint travelin the world collectin magic wands n lookin for next level china patterns…you can usually find the boy doin lyrical origami on a track or out rescuin strippers from captivity nahmean. You kno you soft when you feel good bout droppin 10 Gs on a shower head that sprays lavender fragrances n shit. Word is bond…you kno you soft when chicks be showin how to do makeovers on youtube to look like you. You kno you soft when you inspire muthafuckin Zac Efron to get YOLO tatted on his creamy little hand b. You kno you soft when the furry mascots at ball games n shit be askin if they can get pictures wit YOU son. You kno you soft when you got a pink budgie, a baby owl n Aaliyah’s face all tatted 5 inches apart from each other on ya back. Son I can keep goin but you should get the point by now…

1. Wiz Khalifa-Rose aka the final frontier of simp-dom…. This bull dyke muthafucka done sailed his little popsicle stick canoe over ey’single wave of simpness there is in the sucker-for-love sea nahmean. This fool is the biggest trick walkin the face of the earth rite now son. We already kno how this muthafucka went into Kanye’s garbage can n scraped together a meal n thought he came up on some gourmet shit namsayin. This muthafucka went into Yeezy’s trash n said “OH SHIT WHY NOBODY ATE THE REST OF THIS MEATBALL HOAGIE SON??…AYO IMMA REASSEMBLE THIS MUTHAFUCKA N PUT THAT SHIT UP ON A PEDESTAL B. AYO IMMA PUT WHATEVER LEFT OF THIS MEATBALL HOAGIE BACK TOGETHER N IMMA SING TO IT…IMMA SING TO IT EVER ADORINGLY N IMMA TAKE PICTURES WIDDIT CUZ AINT NOBODY HAD NO MEATBALL HOAGIE LIKE THIS ONE B….I MIGHT GOT THE ONLY MEATBALL HOAGIE LEFT SON…AYO IMMA WIFE THIS HALF EATEN MEATBALL HOAGIE SON…THIS SHIT MINES. AYO IMMA PUT A RING ON THIS SHIT. CUZ THATS JUS WHAT US TRICK MUTHAFUCKAS DO B…IMMA HAVE THIS MEATBALL HOAGIE FOR ALL ETERNITIES CUZ THATS JUS HOW A TRICK ROLL B. THIS MY SHNOOKUMS NAMSAYIN…THIS MY MUTHAFUCKIN SHNOOKUMS SON. WORD. I DONT KNO WHAT YOU HEEEEAAARD ABOUT ME…BUT ANY TRICK CAN GET A DOLLAR OUTTA ME…I GOTTA ACT CONCERNED SO SHE’LL SEE.. THAT IM A MUTHAFUCKIN S-I-M-P….

Here Wiz performin fellatio on Amber on stage…

Thats some next level sucka shit rite there son…

Here Wiz dressed like a female villain from a Hong Kong action movie

Here Wiz puttin a masculine spin on that lesbian villain outfit

Here Wiz takin a break from pickin rice to frolic on a beach

…wit his life partner n shit

I dont fuckin kno b….

Thats that yo…hope yall enjoyed that shit. Imma holler at yall when its time for the 6th Annual shit…I dont got nothin else to say. Jus respect the real n stop lettin these niggas front for a livin.

fuck community, and that wack fucker that try’s 2 become a rapper from t.v., basically rapper that become actors and actors that become rappers can eat a dick, I grew up on hip hop and now that hip hop is pimped out by hollywood any rapper that supports the system is a fucking sell out fuck…….

LOL hatin hard on gambino cause he can spit. He dont even rap for the money he gets paid from writing tv show scripts, acting and comedy shows dumbass. rapping is an activity for him. All these old heads hatin on new shyt. Nobody care about how hip hop was when u grew up. Fuck old heads young niggas takin over

This is some shit here. I’d write a thing or two about music being a thing which unites literally the whole world. Or that Gambino/Glover is on the hustle just like everyone else, instead of endorsing Gucci or Vodka he’s doing stand up, writing and acting. You know, BEING CREATIVE! That’s a word used to describe most rappers. Because they can create things. With their brain -minds.

Even tho this site is a small percent parody, it’d be a waste of space to put something like that up. No matter what you say hip-hop is pop i.e. popular music. And at that, it’s young. There is no Definite way on what’s right and wrong, and just because someone did it first doesn’t mean they did it best.

The main reason this list is even compiled isn’t based on the music these people make but mostly their entire lives and personalities. If that’s what hip-hop REALLY is, i don’t want a part of it anymore

you’re complaining about that this list is made based off of lives but hip hop is life. these rappers try living fake personalities and get exposed. they try rapping about shit they never did or making girly ass music made for bitches, they deserve recognition for this list cause they don’t act like men. they act like girls

J cole is the realest dude in the game…the ONLY rapper that spits it how he lives …he never claimed to be no hustler or no drug dealer and never will u here him speak about selling drugs or being a thug in his music

J Cole is the Realest nigga in the hip hop Game!,.GTFOH haters!!,..Y do u think he’s the 1st artist to be signed to rocnation!!,..Jigga, knows how to spot talent, Kanye, Beanie, Memphis Bleek, NO I.D,..J Cole is the reigning Champ!!,..even ma nikka Canibus confirmed it!!

Guess U Gone Suck That Nigga’s Balls & Make U A Few Mill? Ahaha..Ain’t Nothing Worse Than Groupie Ass Niggaz..Get That Thumb Out Ya Ass, Boi..B4 A Photo Of U & That Nigga End Up On MTO Or Some Shih…Haha “like… It wasn’t even funny” Cause Nigga U Gay ~ABC

I mean gettin money and gettin hoes dont make you hard. Rockin all that ice dont freeze marshmellows. Word is bond…if you dont like the blog then dont read the shit. That simple. Out here breakin ya neck to let the whole world know that ou didnt like it. Like hes gonna stop. Get the fuck outta here with that shit son~ big ghost.

good post. I hope you start posting more often again, good comedy nahmeans.

I disagree with the “sloppy seconds” thing. Only diff I see bt. Amber Rose/Kim K & a non-celebrity girl, is that the former celeb girls personal life is publicized. Unless you live in a authoritarian theocracy like Saudia Arabia or maybe Salt Lake City, Utah, the chick you marry isn’t a virgin, dude.

LMMFAO! I couldnt believe Drake lost to Wiz Khagina until I read: “This bull dyke muthafucka”. That shit killed me. Only issues I have is that Wale should be 10th and J.Cole 3rd but at least he made this list (barely) unlike the Hottest MCs in the Game.

Hey dude … whenya perform “fellatio” on a woman, it’s not called “fellatio” … it’s called “cunnilingus” … look it up on Wikipedia, man, I ain’t shittin’ ya! … and if you get good enough to make her come, the girls will chase you like you just bought a new BMW!

Wow! Sensitive! But what can you expect from somebody that couldn’t piece together that joke? Or is a Jizz Kagina stan? You’re missing a level of cognitive development which enables a perston to fully relate to the complexities of the humor being displayed. So you end up spewing supposedly hurtful one syllable responses. Weak but I can do that too! Watch how I incorporate the original theme of the joke regarding the photograph in question. EAT A DICK! (seewhatIdidthere)

So in your mind he can’t point out the less than manliness of your favorite rapper just because said rapper is making money? How stupid do you sound? The fact is the man is on point but you got butt-hurt because you like these suspect dudes and rather than be objective you are jealous of the money they get because guys like you spend money on their “music”! Good luck with life!

^ This dude got it right. You know how fuckin ignorant you sound? You’re the type of fool that doesn’t know shit cause you’ve been listening to garbage like tyga and Jizz Khalifa. If you’re all about “money” then support some real talent in rap and not the sus fools. I don’t respect rappers for what they make, I respect them for the talent they have lyrically. Which none of these bitches do.

i find it hilarious to me that some idiot who comments on BLOGS is talking about ghostface someone who has actually accomplished shit in his life and keeps it 100. yous a sucka fuck bitch bro go buy that new drake cd and adopt more faggotry dumb bitch.

To the first guy, its called entertainment guy. Go look it up in the dictionary, then do some research online about how to develop a sense of humor, then….enjoy.Second guy, while I agree with your sentiment toward the guy….I’m seriously offensed by that other shit….this dude is not the real ghostface bro….

Ay ghost that shit took hella long to read cause im high. For real, im not complaining but i really dont like readin shit other than ur blog and the pics off science magazines ya kno? Cause if u come through with that random smart shit than other niggaz from the block think u be readin in ya spare time, and bitches like folks that sound smart cept dem rachet ones. shits funny dough, keep it up. Preciate it bruh, that pic jarjar killed it hahaja. Stay up and healthy god. ~philip mo’

lol hey my dude you is funny as fuck with that shit right there.. but at the same time it is a bit disheartening that you only look at science pictures to appear smart to niggas who really dont give a fuck about anything other then being trapped in that money,women,material bullshit… We need more cats in the lower level to rise up and innovate bro, stay creative, peace

To wiz’s credit I guess you could say he was okay when he was coming up but you never really reach success on your own merit. It reminds me a little bit of Horatio Alger and Ragged Dick vs. Harlon Dalton.. basically it appears in America like we all have a chance at the dream but in reality no one really gets anywhere on their own merit which is true.. a real rapper can’t come up and keep it 100 cuz faggots set the bar so low that cats wont rock wit a real cat because a real cat will tell you that life sucks and share pain and or whatever you know but it might depress cats to look in to reality whereas i can live in candy land with drakes faggot ass…

its all who you know and these rappers now are HAND PICKED.. back in the day you had to make it now adays you just have to fake it

Ayo b, peace to the god. Some accurate shit right here, we need you to keep coming back and put into words just how bad this shit has gotten. The miller story had me in tears yo. Word, i know exactly how you feel.You should do one on athletes of the game today as well, that boy odom must be on top of a bunch of lists by now. You could articulate that shit on the precizze. Let the truth be known!

You said Wiz dressed liked a female villain from a Hong Kong action flick. That shit too funny. I can’t even look at them pictures anymore, ima never stop laughin. Lil Bow Wow was out of order when he tried to come hard. He should’ve known he was already gon lose with that one.

I do feel for the homie Charles Hamilton. Dude got talent, but it ain’t comin together for him. I don’t even know what’s goin on with dude.

I just want to know how is it that Amber Rose looking sexy as f*ck in the photos, I mean this broad could get it for real, STILL looks more manly than Jizz? She thick as hell and this dude’s weight hasn’t reached triple digits yet.

Ghost, Hands down, this is the funniest shit I have read in 10 years. You my man, are a fucking genius! I am a grown ass man and nearly pissed myself laughing at your assessment of these ass clown rappers who have little respect or knowledge of the game. BTW, the picture of Steve Stoute and Diddy was the gayest shit I have seen since my wife made me watch Lifetime with her so I could get some…LOL. Where in the hell did you find the video of Drake Lite dancing at a Bar Mitzbah? Holly Crap!

Not sure if you read these comments, but if so, hit me up on FB Sahpreem Aaron King, I would like to talk about working with you on a book. This type of shit needs to be out Barnes and Noble! Peace God!

After an hour of “new” rap videos on jewtube, i really think you need to do a 2.0 real quick, because the game is FLOODED with these soft rappers. And i believe the tsunami of softness is closing in for real, you like the antidote right now. Word.

Talib Kweli said it best…”People who don’t like Drake, don’t know anything about MUSIC”…and Kweli one of the greatest lyricists of all time…I hope you people know Ghost does this shit to be funny…and he would be working with some of the artists in the future…Drake and J. Cole are dope lyricists…and REAL lyricists in the game respect them…do a little research…everyone else I agree with tho…whack as fuck

ghost is a fucking blogger you idiot, tell me how the fuck he’s gonna work with drake, i hope to god you know this isnt the real ghostface. and a drugged out possessed by the ghost of j. dilla’s soul Charles Hamilton would rap circles around those two “lyricists” gay.cole and aubrey.

so you saying just because they made it they wack and soft! get the fuck outta here 2pac made it he was never soft biggie made it he was never soft! smell like you might have hater fever just ones of those cats whose record never made it lol! try again sweet chuck!

Fuck old school new school its all about underground! First of all fuck all these new niggas.. second you think snoop or dre or any gangsta rap is different or any other mainstream?? Nah they all controlled by the system free your mind from the matrix unplug and reboot yall minds listen to underground and private labels that is real hip hop everything else is hip pop.. fukn yall under mind controll best believe that… Fukn puppets man that’s all they are and yall just be sitting there enjoyin the show n shit….

Haha Hip Hop is dead. The white suburban kids living boring lives sheltered by their conservatives mums and dads need a little danger so where do they get it from? smoking shitty ass blunts stuffed with oregano, drinking like Notorious B.I.G. and listening to Hip Hop made for them. You think Drake made it as far as he did cos Black people liked him? Nah man, it was those teeny-boppers out in the wop-wops buying them tunes and filling his pockets. So it goes every generation… Then you get white people going, “oh the golden age where rappers were cool like Wu Tang, Tupac and Snoop. Give me a break. they cared as much about selling out as you care about spitting gum on the pavement.

HAhahahahahahaha wow, I can hardly even breathe laughing at all of this. From the blog to the comments..brings tears to my eyes. I don’t see how Big Ghost, making fun of Drake for example, is making some of yall want to kill something. Too many people on here with hurt feelings over something said about these butterscotch cupcake, candycorn ass artists. It isn’t personal, it is just humour.

hi I’m white and i can say nigga loolololololol I have no idea what you are talking about my friend. Wnna drink budlight Don’t feed the troll ya mean? haha… I’m not white. This is awesome man, to many weak rappers out there soft as mayo. Rap Genius Sent me 🙂

Right on. I don’t believe a Rapper has to be hard, but feel that rappers should be cool. These rappers are straight geeks & were probably getting their luck money and asses kicked daily throughout high school. Lol. It’s like Rap has turned into Revenge of the nerds or something. Smh. Great list & you hit the nail right on the head!