Quotes from ‘The Chopper’

When Madeline Wuntch gives Jake all the resources he needs to tackle a high-profile case, Holt is suspicious that she's setting the precinct up for failure. Meanwhile, Terry hosts a field trip for a local magnet school in the hopes of impressing the school administrator, with Amy, Rosa and Gina's help.

Jake: Captain, quick update. Another one of the Fulton Street Four was murdered here this morning.Captain Holt: Huh. I'm surprised you're not celebrating inappropriately.Jake: This is a crime scene and I'm a professional.Captain Holt: You did it before I showed up?Jake: Yep, that is exactly correct.

Jake: That's not what I meant. No, we have to fight her.Captain Holt: We're not going to fight her. She's the devil. And you don't dance with the devil because you get burned. Also, because in Madeline's case she has no rhythm, and her hands are like little rat claws.

Jake: Okay, just so we're clear, from this point forward, my call sign will be Death Blade.Boyle: And I'll be Rum-tum-tugger.Jake: No, Boyle, no characters from Cats. Dig deep. Think of something scary.Boyle: Adolf Hitler.Jake: No! You will be Sidewinder.Boyle: All right, but I'm more scared of Hitler.

Sergeant Jeffords: My girls are on the waitlist for their preschool, and it's twice as tough to get in with twins.Rosa: Why don't you just get one of them in, and let them take turns going to school every other day?Sergeant Jeffords: Diaz, that's crazy. I asked my wife and she said no.

Jake: Sir, with all due respect, this is an epic case. It's the reason I became a cop. Hunting down a murderer, recovering millions in stolen money, rappelling out of a chopper with a knife between my teeth.Captain Holt: Why would you jump out of a helicopter with a knife in your mouth?Jake: It's called a chopper. And the knife is in my mouth because both of my hands are holding giant machine guns. And that's how it's going down.

Sergeant Jeffords: Here's my desk. You can tell by the framed two-hundred piece puzzle my three-year-olds put together on their own.
School Administrator: That's very advanced, Sergeant Jeffords.Sergeant Jeffords: Is it? I wouldn't know what milestones are impressive to a school's admissions officer. They can count to twenty in English and Mandarin.

Captain Holt: Wuntch is up to something. There's only one reason she would let us keep this case.Jake: She took one look at me and said that's the guy I want flying my chopper.Boyle: Ooh, you know how to fly a chopper?Jake: How hard can it be? It's just a big fan that goes in the sky.

Jake: Bing-pot!
Nope, I was gonna say bingo and then I was like jackpot's better, but then it was too late, I was half way through the word.Boyle: Bing-pot works. It's taking off.Jake: It's taking off.

Jake: Oh man, look at the captain. He's pacing slowly. For him that's like a full on rage-fuelled freak out.Boyle: The only thing worse is when he stands perfectly still.
Oh no, he's standing perfectly still.

Sergeant Jeffords: Reminder. Tomorrow, we are hosting a field trip for the Brooklyn Park Magnet school.Scully: Sorry, Sarge. I can't be around magnets; pacemaker.Sergeant Jeffords: I'm actually not going to correct you on that.

Captain Holt: Unfortunately because this case has turned out to be important, that she-skunk Madeline Wuntch has her hind quarters pointed right at it. She wants to see us in her office. No doubt to give the case to Major Crimes.

Jake: Hey, check it out. Half packed suitcase. Looks like Bludsoe was planning a trip until he got interrupted by someone.Boyle: Or something.Jake: Like what?Boyle: I don't know, I just thought it would help the intrigue.

Captain Holt: You didn't want me to fail. You wanted me to succeed.Madeline Wuntch: That's right. I was looking for an excuse to promote you to a desk job and you handed it to me on a silver platter with your little rat hands.Captain Holt: Oh, no.
Madeline Wuntch: Say goodbye to the Nine-Nine, Raymond. I'm making you Head of NYPD Public Relations.

Jake: There's a barn?Captain Holt: What is your fascination with barns?Jake: It's where all the awesome standoffs happen. Rusty farm equipment, light shining through bullet holes. I'll bet you at least one dove takes flight in slow mo.Captain Holt: I will take that bet because that's impossible.