So lately I’ve been thinking about butterflies. A few weeks ago I was drawing designs for something(a secret project) and at first I wasn’t quite sure what to draw. I didn’t know what was going to represent the overall idea of such an important project that means so much to me, but finally I started to stop trying to find out what to draw and just...draw. Suddenly I found myself drawing a butterfly. It was calming,like all drawing for me, is but I found myself especially calm while looking at the butterfly. I was almost mesmerized by it and had wondered why. ] Fast forward a few weeks later today, the day I am writing this essay, I got an idea. I finally got an idea for this project in my drawing and painting two class. I’ve been stressing about how and when and what the idea would be for almost a week now. My anxiety’s really bad and I would always get nervous in math before this because I knew I had to go to art and have no idea what I was doing but I finally got an idea and guess what it was… a butterfly.

I’ve always been one to love and believe in the universe. I’ve always tried to pay attention to the little “clues” the universe shows me and this is definitely one of them. During school I was texting my mom about it and how excited it made me. I told her that I wanted to research butterflies and what they mean. She told me that butterflies mean transformation. Suddenly it all made sense. Lately I’ve been thinking about who I am and how I am. I’ve been thinking a lot about how I transformed a lot this year and how I’m transforming now. She was right butterflies represent change and self-transformation. Before butterflies are butterflies they are pupa, before they are pupa they are caterpillars, before they are caterpillars they are just an egg. Then, then, they become a butterfly. They go through a lot to become the beautiful, happy, cheerful butterflies they are. They don’t just wake up pretty butterflies flying and having fun. They go through tough times before they get to have fun and know who they are just like us humans. Last year and so far this year have been the best year(s) for my self discovery and growth because it’s the most I’ve gone through emotionally and has changed me. I went through a lot of pain.

During the first week or two of highschool I was going through something with my custody because my parents are divorced and that was one of the worst experiences I’ve had. I was crying everyday for hours. I was slipping back into a depression I hadn’t experienced for years, something I haven’t experienced since after my second brain surgery years ago. I didn’t know what to do and I thought it was never going to get better and I went through a lot with school and changing my schedule. It’s been a lot and it’s been scary but through it all I learned something that changed me.

For example, when I was going through the stress of my changing custody I learned that I have to cherish the time I have with my parents because I have to leave them. I realized instead of spending the whole week with my mom thinking I’ll miss her when I’m with my dad, I should live in the moment and actually make memories with her and the same goes for when I’m with my dad. If that wouldn’t have happened, I wouldn’t have learned I need to cherish the time with them and I probably wouldn’t have even noticed time with my parents was passing me by. That’s just one of the many things I learned through all of my terrible experiences. Years ago I had my second brain and it didn’t go well(to say the least). After I was depressed for a while, I wouldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t like the only things that used to make me happy even the stuff I liked in the hospital, I had no motivation and felt like I had no reason to get out of bed in the morning. It was terrible but it taught me that life is worth living. It taught me that if I could be happy while in the hospital why couldn’t I be happy anywhere at anytime. It taught me that I can’t control the Universe and what it does or what others do but I can control my reaction to it. These lessons have changed me forever and without them I wouldn’t even be writing personal essays because something else I learned is self awareness and I need self awareness to write these essays. At first I hated how I changed, I thought “it’s terrible that this happened because now I’m different and the old me is great. I don’t like who I’ve become now. I’m more angry now, I’m more afraid of getting hurt now.” and all of that is true but the transformation is why I’m becoming a better writer, blogger, youtuber, artist, friend, daughter and person and that’s what’s most important. THAT, that is why I identify and trust and love the representation of and the actuality of butterflies.

Pink Polariods:

I have recently found out the mocha ISN'T vegan anymore!!!! But they do have matcha that you can get with almond or soy milk instead of dairy!

Hello, it’s me CreativeKennedy- I’m back again!

​So yesterday(10/6/18) I went to Starbucks and got a new drink the violet drink. It was really good. It’s not the usual type of drink I get I usually get a tea or something with a little caffeine like a mocha. But it’s actually my favorite drink, as of now. I actually tried it in a vlog so if you want to watch it you can watch it here: https://youtu.be/LgB1BqqmySA

I know it can be hard to find food and drink as a vegan sometimes. Starbucks does seem to have a lot of vegan options. But if it is hard for you to find them here are a few of my favorite as of now.

If I find anymore favorites I’ll make another post or even a video about those.

1. Violet drink- this drink is really good because it’s very sugary so it tastes sweet and really good but it isn’t too sweet to the point where it’s overpowering. It’s sweet but also refreshing and would be a good drink for the summer and spring time.

Salted Carmel Mocha Decaf- Now to have it be vegan you can’t get actual caramel let me explain. The actual caramel ISN’T vegan so you have to get toffee syrup and salt to make it taste like caramel so that it is vegan. ​I love this drink because it’s the opposite of the first one- it is really strong even when decaf. It still has some of the feel of fully car which I actually kind of like. I had to stop drinking caffeine in coffee for the most part so this is kind of like my coffee.

(Haha spilling the tea like...)

Vanilla Bean Frappe’- This drink is really good because it’s sweet like the violet drink, a little refreshing and not as strong as the mocha. It’s kind of in between. It actually used to be my favorite & the only drink I would get for months. It’s so good, plus vanilla’s a classic- who can go wrong? (I also suggest adding one pump of hazelnut syrup if you really wanna go over the top.)

And last but not least

4. Chai Latte’- I love chai it’s a classic. It’s what I would drink before school a lot because it has caffeine in it but it isn’t as strong as coffee(even though I also love coffee). I would suggest this to anyone who loves tea and coffee. It’s really sweet like the other drinks but isn’t as strong as the mocha. This is a good drink to have in the fall time, aside from pumpkin spice lattes(Obvi).

​Hi, visionaries Today I am starting my retreat and I decided to journal it. I am making a mini retreat where I just relax and take some time for me once it’s the start of lent and I’ve been stressed lately. I still have to go to school and everything but I’m still trying to incorporate more time for myself into my day. My mini retreat started March 3 and ends the 13th.My Retreat Journal

3/6/19

Today I decided to start an at home retreat. I’ve been kind of feeling this need to take more me time and do things for me even when others can’t see or encourage me. Sometimes it’s difficult for me to make art or do things I love when it’s not for a YouTube video or for someone/ something else. I did decide to film it after I had started my retreat but unlike usual it’s not me filming just for a video it’s something I was going to do either way.

Today is Ash Wednesday aka the first day of Lent so that was good. I just went to church and am typing this on the way home. Surprisingly enough I actually got some screenplay and sketch comedy ideas in mass today... I’m weird I know. Anyway so before mass I did yoga and meditation, watched some asmr videos and basically just some well deserved me time.

I was following a yoga video and the instructor was sitting up but I decided to just lay down and it was relaxing. I had finally been able to get my mind off my worries for the first time this week and just- be. I also got some creative writing and drawing done. This retreat is already making me feel and be a better person.

P.s. I am only filming the first day, today and part of the last day of my retreat so I can just focus on relaxing and actually retreating and still make the video.

3/7/19

Today I woke up feeling better than usual, less stressed. I still had to go to school today which of course I hated but I was more calm and grateful than usual. I read my Jesus Calling book this morning and decided to take notes on it, this morning’s reading was on how to let Jesus help you.

Fast forward: So I’m now writing this on Friday the next day because I didn’t have a chance to yesterday but to recap, I didn’t get to doing my yoga or meditation.

I did take time for myself by just doing nothing. I basically just watched a lot of YouTube videos which was nice but I didn’t do yoga like I was supposed to. I did make myself a warm cup of Carmel hazelnut chai, which was really good and calming. Another thing I did was play the guitar. I’ve been wanting to start practicing playing the guitar and singing more but I didn’t have the time until now. That’s a good thing about this retreat and it’s part of the reason I did it, to get back into creative things like playing the guitar I haven’t done in a while.

So I did feel like I “failed” the retreat yesterday by not doing yoga and not taking as much time away from YouTube and social media to just think but singing and playing the guitar was in a way a meditation of its one. I’ve always felt calmer when singing so I think maybe I did okay after all.3/8/19-International Women’s Day

Today at school was kind of stressful because I found out an English paper I have is due on Monday and I don’t feel prepared but I’m still gonna relax today. Today I also am going to a special meeting for the club I’m in, girls empowerment at another school. I’m slightly stressed I won’t have enough time to relax/retreat because of that but I might. So fast forward to later I did do some relaxing but procrastinated doing yoga again but otherwise it was pretty good I’m going to bed really late because I stayed up watching YouTube videos again but today was alright.

3/9/19

So like I said, last night I stayed up late last night. I did relax a little bit but I mostly watched regular videos on YouTube so it was the normal “lazy” relaxing if you know what I mean. But this morning when I woke up I read the Bible and did some personal bible studies. I wrote down some psalms and my thoughts on them while listening to some meditation music I found on YouTube so i started my day off well.

I woke up pretty early even after staying late so I made myself some matcha tea for energy. After breakfast, I decided to read my Jesus calling back and then do some yoga and meditation. I decided to change up the space and do yoga in the living room(as supposed to my room). Today was a pretty calm and relaxing day. I had to work on an English paper but I still made time for relaxing. I just finished writing my paper I’m about to make myself some chai and just relax, until tom bye!

3/10/19

Three more days of retreat. I’ll be honest I woke up really cranky & annoying this morning and was pretty rude. Could’ve done better but that’s okay. I did some yoga but got annoyed and stopped but am trying to do more yoga later. I was able to read my Bella grace magazine and journal in it as well as write poetry and screenplay write. I’m probably gonna go journal some more and do some more meditation. I’m so happy I’m finally back on track for the last three days of this retreat.

I was very stressed out because I had to finish my English paper that’s due tomorrow but I finished it earlier than I thought.

3/11/19

Today is the second to last day of my retreat. I edited the video about it yesterday. Today my mom and I are going to mall after school and hanging out but I’m still gonna make time for relaxation later.

Fast forward:I’m writing the rest of this the next day. So we went to the mall and it was really fun. First we went to a market we go to and got some cupcakes and cheese and ate them outside on at the table. We then went to the mall to lush and then to the candy store where we got some chocolate Carmel’s and three types of cotton candy. Then later we went home and I filmed some stuff. I was worried at first I couldn’t relax because we’d be out but being outside of the house was actually very relaxing and very thought provoking which definitely helped my retreat.

3/12/19

Today is the second to last day of my retreat for the last few days I’ve been kind of off and not making time for me to relax but today I have been.

Last night I went to bed mad and I woke up mad this morning. My morning & afternoon were horrible but this evening is great. My mom is at work so I have the house to myself which I love. I made myself a meal while watching YouTube. I made myself tofu and seasoned rice which turned out really good. I finally got some time to myself again which I desperately needed as I was really stressed out and I was still on retreat. I had some school work to do but not a lot and for once I didn’t stress about it. I didn’t do yoga or meditation but I took a ton of time to myself which is what I really needed.

3/13/19-The last(or is it?) day of my retreat

So, I was happy and proud of myself that for the most part I took everyday and gave myself at least some time to relax and just be by myself, but I was also sad that my retreat was coming to an end. That day was a pretty normal day except for how I felt. I had almost forgot it was the end. But I did a lot of stuff. I finally started journaling again. I had made some time for myself to just watch YouTube videos and do nothing and I did meditation.

Overall, my retreat didn’t go as planned. I didn’t have time everyday to relax all the time but who does. The important thing is I still made it work and feel a lot better because I took this time to myself.

This year(2019) there are a lot of new things and old things I haven’t done for a while that I want to get back into. I remember a few years I would “ride” my skateboard on the front lawn. I don’t actually know how to ride a skateboard yet but it’s one of the many things I want to start doing again. This is my first(and only) skateboard and here are some photos I took.(Board not Bored… haha get it like a skateboard and like bored like when you’re bored...okay I’ll go home now.)

Hi, visionaries! It’s me,Creative Kennedy again. A few weeks ago I found an incomplete screenplay I wrote all the way back in 2017. Sometimes I like to go back and look at my old work and I thought it would be nice to share it with you guys. I hope you like my writing. Bye guys!​_________________________________________________________New script #2 - July 28,2017(At the cafe')(Kayla's washing tables)(Kayla takes her phone out of her pocket) (Kayla walks out of the cafe')Mackenzie(talking while texting on her phone): So wanna go to the mall today?Kayla: No I have homework.Mackenzie: Who cares about homework?(she looks up from her phone)Kayla: Me. My mom won't let me take auditions unless I get all A's this semester.Mackenzie: Fine. At least tell me you're still coming to my birthday party. Kayla: Of course I am. I have to go now.Mackenzie: Okay bye. Have fun with your homework.Kayla: Have fun at the mall. (Kayla walks away)(Mackenzie gets back on her phone)Mackenzie: So I have some drama--------------------------------------------

(At Kayla's house)Kayla:(she says while writing it down): 8x2=16. 9x9=-(Kayla's mom walks in)Kayla's mom: Are you doing your homework?Kayla: Yes mom.Kayla's mom: Good job. I have to go to work. But I'll be back later.Kayla: Okay.