As one of the war horse American bands that has zero reputation for anything approaching the cutting edge, Alabama doesn’t disappoint with their latest offering “When It All Goes South.”

The album is aptly named because any of the promise this group held when they cracked the big time in 1980 has, in fact, all headed south.

The disc opens with the title song, a Polly-puke-a-cracker, seven-minute epic that revels in rebel pride and New York bashing, in simple 3/4 time wrapped in a sing-song melody.

The sad thing is, that song and the less ambitious “Simple as That” are the two best songs on this 15-track collection.

On the sugar-shock front “Will You Marry Me,” complete with 1,000 violins orchestration, is the stickiest song of the disc. The best that can be said is that it’s a great test song to see if the skip button still works on your CD player.

Has-been vocalist Christopher Cross, whose “Sailing” swept the ’81 Grammies, resurfaces for a duet on the Brian Wilson sound-a-like song “Love Remains.” Alabama has the dubious distinction of having written the most depressing song of the new century with “Start Living,” about unfulfilled dreams and a wasted life.

Congratulations Alabama, you’ve done it again.

VARIOUS ARTISTS

“Snatch: Original film soundtrack”

TVT Records

The soundtrack to “Snatch,” by Mr. Madonna (opening Friday) – professionally known as Guy Ritchie – is a disjointed party disc of slapped-together songs in a wild array of styles from klezmer to reggae.

Granted there ain’t no radio station on the planet that will devote air-time to “Golden Brown” by the Stranglers, Huey “Piano” Smith’s Crescent City classic “Don’t You Just Know It” and a version of “Hava Nagila” all in a single one-hour segment, but there’s a good reason for that, which seems to have eluded the producers of this soundtrack.

It’s always a pleasure to hear Madonna’s disco ode “Lucky Star” or Bobby Byrd’s funk ‘n’ roll classic “Hot Pants (I’m Coming, Coming, I’m Coming)” – both included here – but there’s too much atmospheric filler that would have been better suited to a recording of the film’s score than the soundtrack disc.

The collection is also punctuated by snippets of film dialogue that amount to non sequitor declarations by faceless characters. Those words are meaningless unless you see the film. Even if you do, in less than a year, the motivation behind them will be forgotten and they’ll again be valueless.

When you set the standard for soundtrack collections with either the “The Big Chill” (the genesis of the form years ago) or “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”, this collection is pale by comparison.

PATTI PAGE

“Brand New Tennessee Waltz”

Gold Label Records

At 74, Patti Page’s voice is still warm and lush in the middle range, and she wisely keeps it there throughout her cabaret-styled, 11-song “Brand New Tennessee Waltz.”

While there is a melancholy draped around this collection, Page is quite good on the country swing number “One Less Rose In Texas” and “I was Just Thinking.”

To her credit, Page the one-time rage isn’t trying to deny her years. Instead she makes song selections that are lyrically mature, often with more than a touch of gray.

While that will certainly please longtime fans who have stuck with the singer throughout her half-century career, younger ears will say Page is just hopping on the Latin music wagon with songs that center on senior moments.

Still you don’t have to be a geezer groupie to appreciate how Page reprises the heartbreaking voice ‘n’ fiddle “Tennessee Waltz,” which she turned into a hit 50 years ago.

THE JOHN TESH PROJECT

“Pure Orchestra: The New Age Maestro’s”

½ Garden City Music

On his latest musical enterprise, master of mush John Tesh selected a baker’s dozen of the best-known, best-loved songs from the New Age song book and commissioned composer/arranger J. Eric Schmidt to give the tunes a symphonic treatment.

Tesh fans will be slightly disappointed that the gangly TV talking head turned musician isn’t pressing the keys here. In fact, he seems to have had little to do with the actual making of the music.

If the disc’s notes are correct, the well-chosen collection was his idea, employs his brand name, and he even selected some of the songs, but the actual execution belongs to Schmidt and the 60-piece orchestra he put together.

Enya’s “Book Of Days” opens the CD and sets the bar for the rest of the album. The orchestra is strong and captures the number’s surging power. It even avoids the shocking schlock that marks so much of the Tesh-style music. The same can be said of the treatment of Yanni’s “Marching Season” and Loreena McKennitt’s “The Mummer’s Dance.”

This is one of the best collections to have been produced at Tesh’s music factory.

ARTIE SHAW

“The Very Best of Artie Shaw”

RCA

With Ken Burns’ “Jazz” series soon heading into the genre’s middle years, it’s appropriate that RCA dusts off a collection by swing master Artie Shaw.

Now 90, Shaw put down his clarinet in 1954 and hasn’t touched it since, but in his day he was among music’s biggest superstars.

This disc includes his standards, such as “Begin the Beguine,” “Diga, Diga Doo,” “My Blue Heaven” and “Two in One Blues” among others.