Headlies: Gronk Returns Half-Eaten WWE 24/7 Championship

Winter Park, FL – Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski was forced to relinquish the 24/7 championship this morning to WWE CEO Vince McMahon. Gronk, who recently rejoined the NFL as a member of the Tamp Bay Buccaneers, acknowledged the difficult decision to give up the belt.

“I just want to say ‘Thank you’ to WWE and to Mr. McMahon,” said Gronk, tears welling in his eyes. “These past few weeks, at least the days I can remember, have been amazing. It’s like ‘Buy one Absolut ‘N Red Bull, Get one Absolut ‘N Red Bull free’ at Hooters.”

“Well, Gronk, I can say that it has certainly been…interesting having you here,” said McMahon, clearly annoyed. “Now, if I could just get that 24/7 championship back…”

“It truly has been the greatest honor of my life to be the WWE 69/420 Champion,” said Gronk proudly.

McMahon reached for the belt, but Gronk continued.

“I haven’t felt this sad since I went to the strip club and because of the Rice-A-Roni virus, I couldn’t get a lap dance,” lamented Gronk. “I had to use the TV in my mind to pretend I was getting one.”

“TV in…look, pal, just give me the championship,” muttered McMahon under his breath.

Gronk handed the belt to McMahon, who recoiled in horror.

“These look like teeth marks,” observed McMahon.

“I thought there was chocolate inside. Well, why was it wrapped in foil?” asked Gronk.

“It was never wrapped in foil!” barked McMahon. “Half of the leather strap is gone and is that barbecue and buffalo sauce on metal plate?!”

“Gronk likes spicy chicken,” said Gronk sheepishly.

Gronk left the Performance Center, taking a bite out of the WWE logo and laughing to himself after remember there’s a bird called a titmouse.