~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

I am turning 38 this week. And while I admit to having my own areas of vanity and self-consciousness, I don’t think I have the same degree of hang-ups with my age as many women. Nor do I have any hang-ups with my body shape or size (anymore). It actually floors me to realize that at some point in time in the past decade, I learned to fully and completely accept myself. Flaws and all.

When I was a teenager, I was painfully self-aware and sincerely disliked my body. I wanted to be perfect. My journal was filled with lamenting about stretch marks from growth spurts, disgust at cellulite, and the frustration of having short, thick ‘soccer’ legs. I would run, train, leg lift and more in the attempts to come to terms with the body I had. I actually think that one of the reasons I kept my journals from that young age was so that if I ever had a daughter of my own, I’d remember what it felt like to want to change the body I had.

Now that I am a mom with two young kids, I find myself checking in with them often about how they feel about themselves. So far, their comments reinforce to me that they have a higher degree of self-love and self-acceptance than what I did. But I wasn’t aware of those aspects of myself until the teen years, so I guess a part of me may still be holding my breath, and hoping that we’ve done a good job in teaching our kids those same lessons that I have learned over the course of my adult years:

“I am enough”

“I don’t have to be perfect”

“I am grateful for what I have”

“I am grateful for who I am”

“I love myself”

“I am worthy of love”

Or as Audra has stated, “I’m grateful for being myself.” YES.

I think that time has allowed me to mature, see value in myself in ways I didn’t when I was younger, and to learn to be compassionate with myself. As a recovering perfectionist, this process has been several decades in the making.

When I look in the mirror, I can’t miss seeing the fine lines around my eyes – even when I’m not smiling. I sometimes wonder what magic cream I can find to delay the onset. Wrinkles are not something I was planning on having to deal with. I see the scraggly grey hairs that are beginning to crop up on my head, and I content myself with plucking them out – while wondering if I’ll ever let myself go grey. I find myself plucking facial hairs almost every night – this is just not something I had to do in the past.

I realize that I could be at risk for allowing my earlier obsession with wanting a perfect body to transfer into a new obsession to want to look young forever. I laugh at the fact that I’ve been asked for ID when purchasing alcohol several times in the last few years… but in retrospect, I guess the funny part of it is that I know that there really isn’t any way of me passing for 25, let alone 19. I wonder if the LCBO knew they might get more repeat female customers by having a quota to ID women who are in their 30’s (even when they know that they are indeed old enough). Hmmm…

I guess it comes down to the fact that I have to learn to accept that time is going to pass and that my face and my body will change. And even more importantly, that neither of these attributes defines who I am.

Just to prove it to myself – I took this picture on a whim: post-workout, un-showered, no makeup – I didn’t even have my hair brushed. (I’m not too sure about doing the same in a bathing suit though!)

Maybe I do only have a few years left to feel that I can pull off a bikini … OR I could choose to accept that how I look in one will continue to evolve. AND that maybe it’s my perception of myself that will allow this to happen. Maybe my time of passing for a twenty-something has passed – but the reality is that I wouldn’t trade the experience and wisdom time has given me simply to look a certain way or a certain age.

The fact is that I DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT.

Who set those standards, anyways?!

Everyone ages. Everyone wrinkles. Time changes us.

The images we see in the media are simply not reality: most are photo-shopped, as I’m sure many of you have seen in recent videos that have been floating around the internet. And while I was never aware of trying to emulate them, obviously I have still been influenced.

So I am defining my beauty in an un-Hollywood way.

Why should I care what others think of me when it is my own self love that allows me to shine and bring the best of who I am to the world?

I am embracing my age, loving the experience and wisdom that time has given me.

I am remembering that my body created, supported and nurtured two lives. In my children, I see the two most beautiful, natural works-of-art I have ever witnessed. How could I ever do anything BUT love the body and the woman who gave birth to them?!

I am working on loving my imperfections. They are not me.

I AM much more than how I look.

I choose to focus my attention on who I am being each day. I focus on how strong my body has become, celebrating that at age 38, I am in the best shape of my life. I can lift heavier, go faster, and learn new things that I could not do a short two years ago. I appreciate that I have a husband who finds me beautiful and sexy – who tells me so every day – and who supports me in every challenge I face through his certainty that I am fully capable in every thing I do. In these ways and more, Dean has been a key player for me in becoming happy with who I am.

I focus on having great energy, on being able to play full-out with my kids, and for being able to go about my busy life without the constant fear of falling short. I am inspired by the women around me who are older – whether by years or decades – and who continue to push their limits constantly – whether that be in fitness, career, learning or making a difference in this world.

I am inspired by the women who have gone before me – who have been pillars of strength, independence and intelligence, and many times ‘ahead of their time’ (like my MOM and my NANNY).

I look at all the women around me every day – in my practice, in my friends, in the women I work out with, and in my community – and see how beautiful they are in so many ways. Loving, nurturing, giving, strong, confident, courageous – and unique. I see the beauty that lies inside and out and marvel at the wondrous variety that exists.

I see that the world is one of beauty, no matter who the beholder may be.

And that is not a definition that can be put into a picture – even if it were photo-shopped.

In my chiropractic practice, it was a year of more life-changing stories, being grateful for the amazing families who come in to see me, and the joy of meeting new people. I reached new highs, held new babies, taught prenatal classes, spoke to large groups and discovered new avenues for sharing my message with people.

In my personal life, I reached new personal records in my fitness and strength and I can FINALLY say that I have reached my oft-repeated goal of being in the best shape of my life! (Thanks Crossfit Bradford!) I spent more time in the kitchen, discovering wonderful & healthy meals that our family loves. I was deeply content knowing that my kids were eating quality food – and loving it.

There were few things that I didn’t accomplish this past year that I had set out to do. Yup, I worked hard, ran lots of events, played hard, and felt healthier, happier and younger than in years past (at least, most of the time!) It certainly wasn’t all easy, but it was oh-so-worth it.

So here is my secret… the Single Best Thing I Did to Reach my Goals in 2013….

My Morning Power Hour.

Yes – that’s my answer. I could not have accomplished my 2013 goals without it, and I’m not exaggerating.

Over the years, I have noticed that whenever I have a regular practice of setting goals and intentions, journalling and planning my life out, everything seems to fall into place. Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Sometimes I feel like I’m on an uphill battle and losing ground. But when I look at the bigger picture, I gain the perspective that lets me see how far I have come. And it never ceases to amaze me how many of my goals I reach or exceed when I am diligent with reviewing them, reworking them, journalling and then taking action.

My friend and colleague, Dr. Andrea Ryan has blogged wonderfully about what she does on her morning power hour – which you can read about here.

And I must give credit to Robin Sharma for how I’ve structured my power hour this year. You can read some of his great tips on productivity here. Or better yet, take ten minutes to watch this video that helped me set up my plans for 2013.

So here is how i structure my morning power hour (which for me starts at 6am). I am committed to this a minimum of 4 times a week for a full hour, but every day starts this way, even if it’s only for 15 min.

Every Day:

I start with 10-20 minutes of mobility

I then do 20 – 40 minutes of “Core work” – (see below for what I mean by this)

I write out my intentions for the day (this could range from how busy I want to be at work, how many people I meet at a new speaking engagement, or simply being fully present to the people who are in front of me)

I write out the top 3-7 actions for the day (again, this could range from working on large projects at home or at work, cooking meals, or having a great workout)

By ‘Core Work’ I mean:

1 – I read books. At least one power hour per week is dedicated to reading.

Currently this includes 2 books which means I will do this 2 times per week for now: Tapping into Wealth and The Values Factor (both books are filled with exercises to do).

2 – I review of my list of goals, values and dreams. At least one power hour per week is dedicated to this. There’s a lot of work I put into each of these areas, fine tuning and uncovering what these are for me. For people who haven’t done some of this background work, this is a great place to start. It’s not really possible to create your dream life if you haven’t uncovered what that looks like for you, or what your highest values are… or planned out how you will get there.

So for me, I have three documents on my laptop that I constantly review and revamp as needed:

My List of Objectives for the Year (this starts with a list of my top 3-5 goals – both personal and professional, which I follow up with the action steps required to reach them, broken down by quarter, month, or week)

My Personal Values List (this is a document I created that outlines those things that I value most in my life – for me, the top 3 are family, freedom and experiencing – which I can revisit to make sure the decisions I am making in my life match up with those things I hold most dear. I personally think this single step is the most important one to start with and for me, the one that has lead to the most peace of mind in my busy, decision-filled life).

I read or journal “What I Want” (this is where I have written out the details of my ‘dream life’, and what I most want to be, have and do in my life. However, this could also pertain to a specific situation, project or challenge I am facing at any given point.)

4 – I write in my journal. This is something I do every day. Sometimes it’s for 2 minutes, other times it’s multiple times a day, or for prolonged periods. This includes my daily intentions and top actions, as well as listing out all of the things I am grateful for. I work on exercises from books I am reading, do work on any negative or limiting beliefs, and write out in great detail my dreams and vision for my life. Journalling is one of my lifelong outlets, and something I have done since I was 12 years old.

As a part of my weekly journalling, I also do a Review of the Previous Week and Set Intentions for the Coming Week: This will be done during one Power Hour per week -either on a Sat/Sun or Mon. (This is also one of Robin Sharma’s suggestions)

I journal Wins and Challenges, rate the week out of 10, and write out where I think the gap is (why I felt it was a 7/10 vs a 10/10, for example – and what could have been different, if possible, to have created that higher outcome)

And I do the same at the end/beginning of each month and quarter. This usually gives me some of that great perspective on how much more I am winning than being challenged – and that lets me measure up how I’m doing in the bigger picture. And sometimes I revamp my goals going forward or tweak the action steps required.

Sometimes in the morning I add in other types of ‘core work’, like writing a blog, or listening to a webinar. Add in a weekly accountability call with my friends and colleagues, Dr. Andrea Ryan and Dr. Karen Osburn; a biweekly one with another colleague, Dr. Craig; and the 4-6 hours of driving each week that I spend listening to inspiring podcasts or learning from audiobooks – and you’ll have the framework I use to keep my busy life in order.

Am I busy? YES. Could I ‘do’ my busy life without my morning power hour? Yes… however I am certain that it would be with less direction, less success, and more stress.

And so for me, it’s a no-brainer. My morning power hour is here to stay.

After all, the saying goes that people overestimate what they can accomplish in one year, and underestimate what they can accomplish in ten.

(If you question this, think back to ten years ago, and notice all the massive changes that have likely occurred during that time. I know for us the growth has come in leaps and bounds – sometimes it seems small, but other times it’s been massive beyond belief, and I can see with the 20/20 perspective of hindsight that many things have happened that I would not have believed likely way back then. And if you don’t feel your life is an accurate reflection of this, think for a minute on all the technological changes that have come about and changed our world in that short time- it’s absolutely mind boggling!)

So, getting back to the notion of a long-term vision…by the looks of my ten-year vision – especially if I’ve underestimated myself – I’ve got some big goals to accomplish. Which means that maybe the extent of my life-long vision and dreams may not be as over-the-top as they sometimes seem right now…

Regardless, no matter how large or small I dream, or how much of an impact I hope to have in this world, I know with certainty that keeping my morning power hour will be one of the strategies that will get me there.

Like this:

I just got off the phone with my Nanny. (“Nanny from Newfoundland”, as she is called in our household.) With her 95th birthday fast approaching, her extended network of family got quite the scare earlier this week when she fell and fractured her hip. And while it’s still a story in the making, and a real concern considering her age – I must say that I’m getting the impression that she’s getting a bit of a kick out of the adventure.

As the story goes, she was walking from the living room to the kitchen when she tripped. Despite many attempts by family for her to have help close at hand – or at least a system to call easily for help – in her fiercely independent nature, she passed on all of those options. So, living alone in a small Newfoundland community, she had no choice but to take matters into her own hands. She knew that something was wrong with her leg, and while being unable to stand, she began pulling herself along the floor ‘like a seal’ , as she described the ordeal. After some time, she reached the phone to call for help.

I can’t quite shake the image of my 94-year-old nanny pulling herself along the floor from my mind – and I have to admit, that rather than being appalled that this incident happened, I am awed yet again at what a strong, determined woman I have for a grandmother. (although that’s not to say that I didn’t share some worried moments/days with many family members at different points this past week.)

The reality of this is that she had to be transported to St. John’s for surgery, which was another ordeal due to other health complications and the very real concern about putting her asleep for surgery. After a few days, the doctors opted to do the partial hip replacement using only an epidural. This meant that she was fully awake for the whole time, listening to them ‘hammering, banging and sawing away down there.’ “It sounded like they were building a fence!” she reported.

So today, only a few days later, she took her first steps with a walker. I don’t know yet what type of recovery is expected, how long that may take, or how long she may stay in the hospital for monitoring. I just know that her Canada-wide family of 7 living children, 16 grandchildren and 20+ great-grandchildren are all breathing a sigh of relief that she seems to have come through this so well thus far.

And I know that I am certainly not the only one who is shaking my head in wonder at the superwoman that she is. Wow.

As a mom, there are a few things (many things) that concern me about the messages my kids will get from the world outside of our home. That they need to look a certain way, dress a certain way, act a certain way, have certain things, or even think a certain way. I for one completely agree with the mother I heard interviewed on The Wellness Family podcast yesterday: sometimes I would like to stand like a shield between them and the world.

But while we may be able to choose what forms of media we welcome into our home (like not having cable, newspapers, magazines, or music videos) – they are still active participants in the world they live in. They see movies, spend time with friends, and simply don’t live in a bubble. And to be honest, I completely disagree with trying to fabricate an artificial ‘bubble world’ for our children to live in. This is the world they have inherited; how can we help them navigate through it?

This all was brought to test this week. I cringed (quite significantly, albeit inwardly) when I saw the book Audra brought home two days ago from the school library: The Princess Handbook: Your Top Secret Guide to becoming a True Princess.

(With a part of me truly disgusted, I wondered yet again how I came to have such a ‘girly-girl’ daughter – a great irony for me as a self-professed tom boy growing up. But then I simply reminded myself of all of her other wonderful strengths: she may love all things pretty, but she is also brave, smart, athletic and strong – and just like that, I’m back at peace. No need to have a fit over a book.)

While I could have shown my initial gut reaction, I chose to sit back on this one and observe. I had no problem letting her dress up for school yesterday – and I had to admit the ‘brush your hair 100 times’ suggestion made getting cleaned up for school that much easier. However, after years of consciously teaching our children all of the ways they are wonderful both inside and out, I considered this book to be a test. (and in my eyes, a very important one to pass.)

As parents, I see our job as being that of nurturing our children’s inner world – their self esteem, confidence and courage – so that they can be strong, resourceful human beings regardless of the junk (and fake images) that may pass as newsworthy in the world at large.

Concerns about body image certainly fall into this category. (with body image defined as being how you feel about how you look.) I will admit that having a daughter brings with it unique concerns. Although I know that boys have issues with this too, perhaps knowing the insecurities I had as an adolescent girl, I have long wondered how to best parent our children through this – especially Audra.

How can we circumvent the material world of unrealistic beauty expectations and unhealthy body images? With it starting in toddlerhood with the need to navigate the childhood ‘princess’ stages where Disney reigns supreme, how can we minimize all of that programming to help her grow into a strong, confident teenager and woman?

And as so often seems to be the case, most answers that occur to me point towards the importance of who we are being as role models.

How do we speak in our home to our kids, about their traits, their body, their health, their strengths, or their challenges? How do we speak about ourselves? What is our own body image? And ultimately – what kind of role model are we being?

Here is my ironic admission: in my unabashed motherly bias, I find my daughter to be one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen. And in her short 8 years, she has certainly heard her share of exclamations over how ‘cute’ she is, or how ‘beautiful’ she is. And many of those come frequently from my own mouth.

However, we have made a concerted effort to teach our children consistently about inner beauty. About being smart, kind, strong, courageous, thoughtful, creative. About following their own inner guidance, trusting themselves, and standing up for what they believe. So in this spirit, I am consciously aware of praising our children in ‘package deals’. Beautiful and smart. Pretty and kind. Cute and strong. Wonderful on both the inside and outside. For me, it is simply the truth.

We try to focus on what they can do, and who they are being. What new things they learned today, what challenges they overcame, what ways they helped other people. How they are strong, healthy, fast, brave and athletic. How they are smart, creative, thoughtful and interesting.

So while I feel a more in-depth conversation may be in order about what Audra is learning from this book, at least part of my answer may have been found in her bedtime conversation with me last night.

As is our bedtime routine, every night I ask Ethan and Audra three questions: What they did well, what they are grateful for, and what was their favourite part of the day. She paused for a moment when I asked her what she was grateful for, then answered: “I’m grateful for being pretty…. and kind and smart and strong.”

And those are answers that I can certainly agree with.

(If you’re looking for some great listening material, check out www.thewellnesscouch.com – a group of podcasts out of Australia that I was introduced to by a friend and colleague, and who happens to be one of the founders. I have to say, it’s pretty fun to see friends who are making lots of waves in the world.)

I want to be a rock-climbing grandma. Yes, I know that is many decades away – but there is a vision I have of me being an 80-year-old hip and feisty, rock-climbing grandma. Why rock climbing? I don’t know… as a matter of fact, I haven’t even taken up the sport yet.

As for the whole concept of aging – well, let’s face reality: time keeps on ticking. There isn’t really a way to ‘win the game.’ This whole hyper-fascination with age – I think most of it’s really all in our heads.

However, there is a difference between a person’s chronologic age and their physiologic age. And since I can’t change the first, I am putting my bets on the second. I want to be healthier in my 40’s than I was in my 20’s. I want to be happier in my 50’s than I was in my 30’s. I want the quality of my life to make the anticipated quantity worthwhile. Simply put: I want to play full out.

No one can deny that time passes and that we all get older. But I’m happy to say that after years of writing that one of my goals was to be in the best shape of my life, I can finally say that it’s true. It astounds me that I am stronger at 37 than I was as a varsity athlete, but it’s simply the truth. As for all those years that I set the goal without achieving it… well, I didn’t take action to make it happen. Now I do. I work out harder (and smarter!), I eat better, I take more time for myself, I invest quality time in the relationships that mean the most to me, and I take time to have fun. It’s my recipe for success. Simple but powerful.

After almost 10 years in practice, it never ceases to amaze me how many people state that they feel old ‘because they are in their 30’s’. They chalk it up to aging, without looking at their lifestyle, stress levels, or how long they have neglected their health, been inactive or eaten garbage disguised as food. Of course our bodies slow down with age, just not to the degree that most people think. The sad truth is that by the time people reach their 30’s, many have already accumulated decades of poor habits. I’d feel old if I did those things, too.

What I remind them is that they are designed to be extraordinary; that we never lose the natural drive within for our bodies to move towards health when given what it needs.

Feeling old, tired, stressed? It doesn’t have to be a life sentence. That, too, can change. It takes time, effort and consistency, but believe me – you’re worth it.

I believe that age is relative. And while I can’t change the number of days I’ve walked this earth, I can certainly take responsibility for the quality of those days and the quality of my own health. It doesn’t even fit to say that I want to age gracefully. No, I want to age vibrantly.

Vi-brant / Adverb : full of energy and enthusiasm.

So here it is: I want to live to be 100+, with great quality of life. I want to be one of those grandmas that are feisty, and full of life. I want to live my life to the fullest, traveling around the world, having new experiences, being a lifelong learner and all while making an impact in my community and profession. And the vision that solidifies that for me is being an 80-year-old rock-climbing grandma. Maybe it’s the idea of taking up an outdoor, physically challenging sport that I didn’t grow up doing. Maybe it’s the idea of pushing the limits. Maybe it’s an image that fits for trying to prove a point. Or maybe it’s just that I want to feel that I have lived my life to the fullest for all of my days. No regrets. Nothing left on the table.

At the end of my days, I’d like to ask myself: Have I played full out? Have I given my life all I’ve got? And the only answer I expect to hear is a resounding YES.

If I break it down, I realize that I spent roughly a decade playing as a young child, another one experimenting as a teenager, another one growing through the school/career/marriage/babies stage, and this one discovering more about who I am and what I want to do in this lifetime. Even if I only live to 80, I’m not even half way there. And that’s kind of exciting. So much time to use, to learn, to explore, to make a difference – and ultimately to make the most of.

Worried about aging? Hell, no. I’m just getting started!

(And for the record: Ethan and Audra started rock-climbing classes this week. I’m almost giddy to join them. Oh yeah…. it begins…)

Yesterday ended in the most beautiful, life-affirming way, as I witnessed the bond between pregnant couples as they connected at the end of the yoga session that rounded out the Birth by Design workshop in my practice. Looking at the five couples – all parents-to-be for the first time – I was reminded yet again of how beautiful it is to experience and witness this powerful stage of life – and how quickly pregnancy (and life with a newborn) flies.

We get so used to women lamenting how long their pregnancy feels, how they just want the baby to come. I understand that some women are uncomfortable, and that most are apprehensive about what the birth itself may bring. But quite honestly, this ‘just get this over with’ approach to pregnancy makes me sad (while also relieved to not pick up on that in the group yesterday). While I remember feeling like I was pregnant for ages, or that days with a newborn sometimes lasted for an eternity – I also remember taking many moments to just be, connected to how magical and awe-inspiring it is to hold a life in your body or your baby in your arms.

For women who are struggling through their pregnancies, my wish is that they could refocus – away from those things that are challenging – and towards what life is bringing to them. I wonder if they sometimes get so caught up in the daily things that they lose sight of the bigger picture?

Have they taken a moment to truly realize how miraculous it is that their body is creating a new life?

Have they given a moment’s thought to any of the women out there who are unable to get pregnant and who would give anything to do so?

It’s not that pregnancy doesn’t have real challenges – or motherhood for that matter. Both do. But when you put your time and energy on what is wrong, you may lose sight of all of those things that are oh-so-right.

In the big scheme of things, pregnancy lasts a blink of an eye: A short 40 weeks in a life that will likely have over 4000 weeks. For one percent of your life, you get to feel your unborn child move, grow and thrive within your body. For one percent of your life, you have irrefutable proof of life as a miracle, and your body as a vessel for the power of all of creation.

Personally, I am grateful beyond words that I was able to have that experience. In giving birth, not only did I meet the two most beautiful and important people in my life – but I also discovered how very powerful I can be. For me, birth opened the doors to fully trusting myself, knowing that I am strong beyond what I thought was possible, and a deep knowing that I can do anything that I put my mind and my heart into.

Becoming a mom has helped make me the person I am today. I know that I have my shortcomings, but I also know my strengths. I have had to face the fact that everything isn’t always perfect, that I can’t make everyone happy, and that I don’t always know the answers. Traversing these uncharted waters as a parent, however, is what has allowed me to discover myself as a much more insightful, understanding, empathetic, and authentic human being. Living up to my job as a role model holds me to the highest level of accountability. And so, for me – birth ushers in more than one new life. Like I’ve told Ethan: when he was born, I was born too – as a mom. I don’t always know what I’m doing, but I will always do my best, and it will always come from a place of love.

All of this underlies why I was so moved last night as I watched the expecting couples bond, connect to the power they have within, and come to trust more and more in their ability to not just ‘get through this’ – but to embrace these brief moments, enjoy them, and revel in preparing themselves for the momentous occasion of welcoming their children into this world.

The truth is that it makes me sad to know that I have passed to the other side of the pregnancy, birth and baby stage of my life. And while I am happy with my two wonderful children – and about to enter into the pre-teen stages of parenthood – I miss those days.

I miss being pregnant, and feeling my babies move inside of me. I miss that unique bond that forms over those fleeting 40 weeks of pregnancy.

I am even sad that I will never again get to experience birth. Some people may think I’m crazy about this one, but there has never been another time in my life that demonstrated to me just how powerful our bodies are, or that gave me such indisputable proof of just how powerful I am.

In this busy, crazy, fast-paced world we live in, one of my saving graces has been to consciously and consistently take time to be present to the moments that are happening right now. Being fully present to life as it unfolds. It passes by so very quickly.

So please, embrace those 40 weeks. Cherish those moments – even when they are hard, or you’re tired, sore, cranky or feel like being ‘done’. Because one day, you’ll realize that it has passed in an instant – and my wish for you is that you recall it all with as much overwhelming love, tenderness and awe as I feel right now.

I believe that all of life is miraculous, and that there are daily glimpses of this magic. Pregnancy and birth, for me, is the epitome of it all. Please cherish it.

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I’d like to acknowledge all of the women in my life for being members of my “Council of Wise Women”. When I reflect on my days, I can see that a very common thread is the many connections and supports I have that help to keep me on my path, remind me that I am strong when I don’t feel it, and provide a listening ear when needed. And in keeping balance, I equally benefit from knowing when I can provide similar support to them.

(As an aside – I’m adding my husband Dean as an honourary member. With most of our days ending with us talking at length – one of the reasons I believe we have such a great relationship – he is without a doubt my biggest support.)

Here is what I believe:

I believe that by embracing our need to connect, communicate, and support each other, we will collectively create a better world. And while it is obviously not only going to come from women – I do believe that these traits are exemplified by women more often, and perhaps more naturally. I believe that men and women alike have these traits inherent in their make up; it is simply the ability to embrace the duality of our natures – the strength and gentleness, so to speak, that may be lacking sometimes. And as self-aware, empowered people – as mothers, wives, sisters and daughters – we can be the voice for change that perhaps our world has been missing.

So when you see me having lunch with a friend, speaking to a prenatal group, supporting families in my practice, or cheering on a friend at the gym – it’s really all a part of the same desire to connect and bring the best out in people – reminding people of the power and potential they have – and to allow the same to be done for me.

I believe that our world can exist as one that is healthy, whole, connected and empowered – where people are connected to the power they have within for abundant health, happiness and vitality. I believe that if we could all learn to bring the best of who we are to the world, and share our talents, ideas and innovations, by this collaborative effort, we will make it an amazing place.

But we’re not there yet.

I believe that one of the things our world needs to heal, thrive and evolve to a better place is to accept that it is time for change. I intentionally do not watch the news or read the paper, but I still see that there are different states of upheaval in every sector that I can see: education, health care, economics, technology – and the list goes on.

It is also my belief that one of the changes that our world needs to embrace is the need for each of us to bring the traits of our ‘female energy’ to the table – strength, drive and power combined with compassion, nurturing, and empathy – and all with an eye to future generations.

So my Council of Wise Women includes many. It adds members every day. It includes my mom, my sister, and my friends. It includes women I work out with, women in my practice, women I network with in my community, members of the groups I speak to, and my colleagues – just to name a few.

You may not know how much of a difference you make to me. But it is huge, and I love and appreciate you all.

Like this:

Audra had her heart set on a sword. And she now sleeps with it beside her on her bed.

Audra sleeping with her sword by her side

Considering the stand I take for kindness, compassion, living from our hearts – and non-violence, it may seem strange that I had no issue with my daughter wanting a sword. Yes, I envision a world that is healthy, whole, peaceful and connected. And I have already stated that I will never be okay with violent games in our house. But in this case, I think that despite the sword being a weapon, I see it as a symbol for more than that for her.

After all, an item itself is not inherently good or bad. It is the intention of the user that makes it so. According to her, she wanted it because ‘it has diamonds on it and it is cool.’ ‘And Xena, Warrior Princess has one.’

I guess I like that her shift in “princess adulation” has gone from the omnipresent Disney princesses to a stronger female role model. (not that I feel Xena is the ideal – but it is certainly an improvement in my mind) In this capacity, her new-found sword is a symbol of strength, being of service to people and fighting for good. And I’m okay with that.

(Plus, the sword soon to be mounted on her wall – although I don’t doubt that in true Audra-style, I will occasionally find it tucked into bed beside her anyways. She has a quarky habit of wanting to sleep with anything that is ‘new’ or ‘special’ – and obviously that is not exclusively reserved for soft, cuddly things!)

So let me explain my rationale with this:

I believe that people need to embrace all sides of their nature. And I believe that every person holds every trait under the sun. In fact, I believe that we could all be capable of anything – good or bad – if given the right (or wrong) set of life circumstances.

I also believe that when it comes to differences between males and females, we are equally strong, but in different ways. I believe that men can be determined, ambitious, and powerful, as well as thoughtful, kind and loving. I believe that women can be nurturing and compassionate and intuitive – as well as competitive, driven and strong. I believe that it is by embracing all parts of ourselves that we find harmony, and allow the expression of our best selves possible.

I believe that powerful females – and heartfelt males – might just bring the balance of strength, compassion and nurturing that our world so desperately needs to heal, thrive and evolve to something better.

From this place, we make a conscious effort with our kids to nurture all sides of them.

And so, when Audra saw this sword – with dragon heads and jewels on it – I didn’t have a problem with her wanting to spend her money on it. I see one of her greatest strengths as being kind-hearted and generous. But she is also determined, head-strong, and fiesty. If she set her heart on having a sword: no problem.

She can be the warrior princess of our family. I have no doubt that she will be a stand for all that is good in the world.

For the last two nights tucking Audra into bed, as a part of our night time ritual, I asked her what she was grateful for. Without hesitation, she looked at me and said, “I’m grateful for being me.” It stopped me in my tracks, heart swelling. “That just might be one of my favourite things you’ve ever said you’re grateful for”, I replied. “Loving yourself is so important.” To which she replied, “But of course I love myself, mommy!”

Self love. It all starts there. Wow.

When I witness my kids expressing positive feelings about themselves it gives me great joy. Perhaps it is knowing how essential it is to start with ourselves – that the degree of respect, confidence, love or assertiveness we have in our lives starts with our own self esteem. So I guess it make sense that my heart soars when I see or hear evidence of that being well nurtured in my kids.

Truth be told, working with a lot of people, I think often of all the ways we limit ourselves, play small, or focus on our faults rather than our strengths. And I’ve been guilty of it, too. But seeing how self love translates into every area of our life, I consider it one of my greatest jobs as a mom to foster healthy self esteem in my kids. Life will throw plenty of challenges their way, I am sure. I want them to be able to stand strong, know and love themselves, and be their best – even when the going gets tough. Especially when the going gets tough.

Being a mom to a little girl, I am very conscious of the messages I send her. I’d have to put her in a bubble to avoid the messages that are sent to little girls by media and society – and the enormous emphasis that is placed on appearance, beauty and fitting an ideal. It’s sadly evident in many girls’ toys, dolls, shows, and movies – it’s everywhere. We embrace the positive female portrayals wherever we can find them (like her recent love of Zena, Warrior Princess. When I asked her why she loves it so much, she said: “She’s brave and strong and helps people. Nobody beats her. And she’s pretty.”) While we may limit poor influences when we can, we feel that it is more important to teach her about true beauty.

We try to teach her to focus on inner beauty before outward appearance. We want her to love herself enough to choose good friends, make good decisions, and to have the courage to try new things. We want her to go through life with awareness, confidence and a deep inner knowing of her own strengths and abilities. We want her to dream big, with no limits and know that she can do and be anything.

And it all starts with loving herself. There is no stronger foundation.

Like this:

My mom is one of the smartest people I know. In actual fact, I was hoping to have spent this weekend with her, as it was her birthday. However, priorities in my own family kept me in Ontario – but with many moments with thoughts of my mom on my mind.

It is absolutely true that some things you just don’t understand in life until you become a parent. I can’t say that I was ever admonished to “just wait until you have kids” as a means of explaining my parents’ point of view, but suffice it to say that I have gained a greater degree of understanding of my own parents by virtue of being one myself.

In fact, I suspect that same understanding is simply going to grow as I get closer to my own years parenting teenagers. I myself was a pretty easy kid to deal with – but a difficult teenager. When I think back on all of the nights of lost sleep and frustration I must have caused my mom during those years, I think (with some dread) of my own pending experience becoming a mom to teenagers.

I have great appreciation for my mom and dad for being the amazing parents that they are, and for the wonderful home life and childhood they provided for me and my siblings. While acknowledging that motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever embarked upon, I have to give credit where credit is due: to my mom.

Lessons I learned From my Mom:

1- Girls can do anything that boys can do. I will forever be grateful for growing up knowing that I can hold my own, that being a girl is simply a statement of fact – and not a handicap. And I love to watch that same “girl-power” in my own daughter.

2 – Be fair. Raised in a family of eight kids, I guess my mom was ingrained with a sense of fairness from early on. In our family, great care was taken to make sure each of us felt equally and fairly treated (even if the specifics were different, the overall fairness was always evident) I know my mom paid attention to being fair with gifts, extracurricular activities, and every other aspect of life I can think of.

3 – Don’t compare your kids to each other. I sometimes get funny looks when I tell people that I didn’t fight with my brother or sister growing up. Let me be clear: that doesn’t mean that we always got along, but we were never competing against each other for our parents’ attention. I am quite certain that this is largely due to my parents’ conscious decision to respect us as the individuals that we were, with our own strengths and weaknesses, and to never compare us to each other. This little bit of wisdom is one that we have adopted in our own family as well – perhaps this is one reason that Ethan and Audra have often played together so well.

4 – Give people space and respect their privacy. I knew growing up that I could keep my journal or private things out in the open, and that my privacy would be respected. I knew that my space, my things and my opinions would always be treated with respect. This in one area, especially as our kids get older, that we plan to reinforce in our home as well.

5 – Listen carefully to every point of view. My mom is the ultimate ‘devil’s advocate’ – with her mind going a mile a minute, especially in the face of challenges. But she has always been open to hearing many different points of view and is one of the best sounding boards I know. I am quite certain it is from being surrounded by this that I learned to always look at situations from differing perspectives – and this has served me very well in my life – especially as a wife and mom.

6 – Buy good quality (but shop for good prices). I will give my mom some of the credit for the simple joy I have in seeing my kids in good quality things – like good shoes and coats. I look at them and see dry feet and warm kids – while also happy with the ‘good deals’ I found. I am especially happy when these choices mean that I don’t have to replace their things every month.

7 – Always read labels. I still remember grocery shopping as a kid, impatiently watching my mom read labels (decades ahead of her time, I’d say!) When questioned ‘why’, she explained that if you are buying a canned food, the ingredient list should only say that food on the label and nothing else. Made sense to me – and here I find myself, years later teaching principles of health (and Eating by Design) to people everywhere I go.

8 – Kids should be allowed to just be kids. We were raised with lots of freedom to just play – and most of that outside. We were in organized activities, but with a limit on how scheduled we were. We experimented, explored, tested our limits and learned through play. There is no doubt in my mind that our approach to parenting has its roots in these same simple beliefs. Let kids be kids.

9- Do your best in school. As a teacher, my mom understood that all kids have different learning styles and strengths. I never felt pressured with respect to schoolwork, but was internally driven to always do my best. For our kids, our intentions are for them to keep their love of learning intact, to nurture their creativity and problem-solving abilities, to never compare them to others – and to instill in them the same sense of always giving their best.

10 – Don’t ever underestimate common sense – and learn to think for yourself. In many ways it seems that common sense is not so common these days, and independent thought is not the norm. Instead of blindly following what others are doing, we have taken the lead my parents set to teach our children to use their common sense, think independently for themselves, and to apply their mind in every situation, regardless of what others are doing. I believe doing so nurtures their own thinking abilities, trust in themselves and ultimately self confidence. (And if I look at all of the ways I have differed from the ‘mainstream’ in many of our choices, I’d say that this tendency to nurture independent thought was a huge influence in my own life)

11 – Kids do what you do, not what you say. I’d have to say, as a parent, that accepting this statement as truth is to accept why being a parent is such a huge undertaking. I believe it is possible that there is no higher calling than to nurture and mold a child into becoming the best person that they can be. It is an enormous commitment to accept that you are one of the main role models for another human being, and that they are likely to follow in your footsteps in many ways: beliefs, habits, values and actions. It calls you to a whole new level of personal awareness and integrity.

As for me, I can certainly say that I learned from a great role model. On most days I think that I’m a pretty great mom, and on the other “off” days, at least I know that I am still doing the best I can. I think it’s part of the growth and evolution of each person and generation to blaze a different path than the one before them. There are many ways that we are doing things differently from how our parents did things. Fundamentally, however, the values instilled in me as a young child, learning from and being loved by my parents were the starting foundation for who I am. Living in a home full of love and respect, with a high value on family, has obviously set me on the path I am now on. And now, with the heightened understanding of time and experience, my appreciation for my parents has only grown exponentially over the years.

For me, being a mom is the most important job in the world. It is the hardest, and the most rewarding. And I am forever grateful to my own mom for showing me how to be a great one.

(I love you, Mom!)

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.