Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

When my husband died, I was overwhelmed with new responsibilities, most of which revolved around money. Hospital bills, a condo we’d just purchased and moved into four days earlier, and much more. We were both 55 at the time and I was devastated and overwhelmed. More changes revolved around family and friends, many of whom faded into the woodwork of time. Eighteen years later, I treasure the relationships that remained loyal.

You can read all the books about surviving loss, attend workshops, even get professional help. These are all good things, but sometimes, it’s the small things that give you hope and courage to keep moving. In my case, there are a few pieces of wisdom that have gotten me through the really hard times. My son offered, “Live in his honor, Mom.” When I am feeling low, I know that my husband truly wouldn’t want me moping around. He was a positive guy. Months after his passing, I dared to ask a neighbor who had lost his wife a few years earlier if the hurt ever gets better. He said I can promise you that the “sting” will go away. As time rolled into years, yes, I still miss my husband, but it doesn’t hurt so much. Lastly, my husband died on my grandson’s birthday. He had just turned nine and Andy confessed that he’d never have another happy birthday. Well, divine intervention gave me a quick response to his genuine concern. I told him that grandpa had to pick a special day to leave us and he picked his birthday because he knew we would have many good reasons to celebrate. Those words seemed to comfort us both and still do.

Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

I lost my Husband a little over a year and a half ago.The first few months were very hard.But bit by bit join a health club.Which my insurance pays for.Then went to our local Senior Center to check it out.Became a member found many people I knew from my years of working.Just made up my mind I was not going to be a third wheel.I just get out there and go.We were married 41 years time to move ahead.

Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I value your suggestions, like to write down the feelings I have, and see how that changes over time. Also, to keep the best memories of my husband and to take time healing. Thank you.

Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

Hello, just be patient and kind with yourself, for now you are in the early stages of grieving process. I know because when my late husband died on June 1, 2006 at 6:30 pm at home where I took care of him. At first what help me was a good friend who I was able to call her at anytime and I would write down what I felt but mostly praying and talking to God help me. Then in December of 2007 I travel overseas on a trip with a church member who needed my help since they were in a wheelchair most of the day. Then at times during the year I still miss my late husband Richard but he is not in pain anymore, when I was able I attended a grief group for a little while at first then on his birthday, our wedding anniversary, thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday and around the time I met him I cry and it gotten better for my emotions when I think of the funny things he did that made me laugh about 2016. Then I was ready to make new friends that are my best friend forever and big brothers. Also from 2009 to present I have been taken classes from early childhood education, computer applications also ministry classes, I am saying to be patient don't do or make any major changes right now in your life. It took me 6 to 8 months to give Richard's things away such as his clothes and a friend help me with that also for 6 months to a year off and on I went to one on one counseling there is nothing wrong in going for counseling through your church or local organization. I encourage you to keep telling others how you are feeling and write it down in a journal or notebook. One day you will reread what you written. I hope you feel better, it does get better and you have your memories of you life with your spouse.

Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

I lost my husband 5 months ago and I am still in disbelief. It's hard to rebuild your life when you miss the most important part of it, your man. I have a few women friends, all married and not quite able to understand what I am going through. We go out to lunch occasionally, but I have not been out to a dinner at night since my husband died. Eating by myself at home is not fulfilling, and even though I used to love to cook, I don't see the point to do that anymore. I wonder what future will bring, if anything. So I travel visiting my children and g-children, but I am getting tired of traveling too.

I guess, I will have to find some activity that will bring meaning to my life, to make it worth living again.

Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

I agree with you totally that losing one's spouse is so different from other losses. When you lose your spouse, you lose your way of life, and for a long time you feel disoriented, and you question whether you can survive the loneliness and despair. I lost my husband last August 2018 and I am still feeling like I can't do it, like I am losing my mind. But I know that so may others survived this ordeal and so will I. It will just take time. Meantime, one has to get involved in life again by helping others, volunteering maybe. I wonder if anyone has suggestions on that.

Re: Living life as a widow/ widower

Just a quick note that is positive. After 2 1/2 days of wondering if I will always be in a mental and physical fog of fatigue, I have had 2 days of feeling like a normal person. It is like a huge suffocating weight is lifted. If it has happened with me, then it must, and will, happen to lots of people.