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24 June 2012

to finally get the good

Everyone has numerous negative experiences when it comes to talking about Love. For it takes going through all of the bad to finally get to the good. I try my hardest to not let my previous relationships (or lack there of) get me down. I try my hardest to remind myself of this fact, despite having been just used and discarded by numerous guys.

It's almost as if there is a sign on my forehead, saying "Come lie to me about having a girlfriend." I almost don't know what's worse: being cheated on, or being used to cheat with. When I first hooked up with a guy in a relationship, I felt awful. Had I have known, I would have never even looked at the guy. What if the same had happen to me while I was in a relationship? Then it happened again. And again. And again. All with different guys, from different places. Granted, I never let things escalate to the level that these boys would have desired, yet still. The feeling of being used is still there.

Now there's a new guy in the picture. It has only been a couple of weeks, a couple of dates, a couple of long kisses. I'm trying my hardest to not get too excited. What if I just jinx it all, and he's like the others? Only interested in me for lustful purposes, and stops all communication once he catches on that I'm not willing to give him my all, too fast, too soon.

Is it crazy that I can only think of his eyes, his smile, the way he holds my hand and kisses it, the bizarre things he says, his head on my shoulder, his hand on my back? How soon is too soon so say that you know you've found your perfect match?

Perhaps I'm obsessive. Or maybe i'm just pathetically romantic. Either way, I just need to know that it is possible to let my guard down, and have an actual, full-fledged, hot-blooded romance with a great guy. A crush is my greatest weakness. And he's got me good.