the reasons why

I hate it here, because it makes me feel so cliche...and I am...forever a cliche.

I feel so ill. Hideous, idiotic....useless.
These bouts of nihilism usually fade quickly, now it seems it's here to stay. And life...god this life...it's so perplexing, yet ultimately..I always end up jaded. And there's truly not one reason for me to be here right now...
I don't know why I'm writing this, I don't know why I'm here
Because I truly don't think anyone can persuade me otherwise.

I've always felt displaced, like I truly wasn't meant to live. I've never felt love.
I don't want to anymore...love for me lies in death...the hope to die is all I have left...I've spend years wishing for something to crash/burn/slash/abduct/vivisect/murder me...now apparently the power of negative thinking doesn't exactly work. So I may have to take things into my own hands. It doesn't seem so frightening...at all.
I just want peace...god how I want peace. I'm so sick of being ignored and alienated....self-imposed alienation and seclusion...but there had to be someone out there who cared..who wanted to reach out to me...but there never was
not even once

Im sending a virtual :hug: your way..
I wont try to persuade you to not go though with this - but instead suggest some things you could do to try and help.. things that have helped me at my lowest points..
Have you tried ringing the samaritans? or emailing them.. they can be really supportive.. or prehaps dialing a hotline number like MIND.. there are lots of links on the main page of the forums- at the bottom..
Have you been to see your GP.. or seen anyone who knows how your feeling right now? Admitting to my doctor the truth of how i felt.. enabled me to get the teatment i needed.. maybe this could be the same for you?

Also posting on the forums like you have - helps i find.. there are lots of nice people here who understand how your feeling x

I really hope you stick around on the forums for a while so we can get to know you better.. you sound like a lovely person