Listen to this as you read. Might as well change the lyrics to highway of hell while you’re at it. “No stop signs, speed limit, nobody’s gonna slow me down.”

I recently made a trip across the Midwest back to Pennsylvania. Something that really pissed me off were the toll roads. I mean, are these jokers serious? Make me stop every 30 miles to pay a toll? For what? To drive on the shitty roads? To go a speed limit? Get real. I find it hard to believe that roads I have to pay to drive on are in worse shape than the backroads I drive on in good ol’ PA. I would understand if the roads were getting fixed up but I saw no construction, not even a warning of future construction. Here’s looking at you Indiana, get with the program. At least when I drive on the PA turnpike I have solid roads to cruise on and don’t have to dodge potholes or look out for “speed bumps” formed by a deformed highway.

I’d much rather spend the money on a Jeep and go offroading than take a toll road. Let’s be honest, off roading and tacking on time to your trip would be a hell of a lot more fun than stopping every 30 minutes for a toll to ride on a road that will tear up your suspension like the hulk tearing up a nursing home. Hell, I’ll start the first own privately owned highway if I have to. We need a revolution.

So like with every problem I find, I have the need to make a solution. My solution to keep me happy with paying tolls is this…if I have to pay a toll, get rid of the speed limits. I mean, we are grown ups behind the wheel. I’ll pay an extra 50 bones for a drivers test allowing me to go any speed I want on a toll road as long as I get to do such a thing. Let me decide what is dangerous driving. I’m talking no holds barred, white knuckle driving with no consequences. If you want to piddle on the turnpikes/toll roads, stay in the far right lane. In the words of Ludacris, “Move bitch, get out the way!” We’re Americans, let’s set the pace with freedom. If you’re making me drain my bank account to drive on your roads, let me be free enough to go fast enough to put wings on my car and fly. It’s like taking a 30 minute long survey with no chance of winning a few G’s. It’s un-American. The Germans have it right with their autobahn. So are we just going to sit here and let the Germans toss our shit in automobiles AND the highway system they have? I say no.