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Late Laughs for the week of July 8 - 14, 2018

The Late Late Show With James Corden

The fast-food chain Sonic has introduced a new flavor of its iced slushes. And apparently they've run out of ideas, because this new flavor is Pickle Juice. This is great news for people who are hot, thirsty and well into their second trimester.

The crayon company Crayola has launched a new line of makeup based on its crayon colors. People who've tried the Crayola makeup say the colors are great, but they did have trouble staying inside the lines.

Crayola says their new line of makeup is completely vegan. Wait, so are you telling me the makeup I've been eating has meat in it?

Tomorrow is the big summit meeting between President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. Trump spent the day preparing for the summit, which basically means he wrote on his hands, "South Korea good, North Korea bad," so he doesn't get confused.

According to a new article, President Trump has a habit of ripping up official documents when he is done with them. And because there's a legal requirement to preserve presidential records, White House staffers then have to piece the documents back together with Scotch tape. It's been a lot of work. They've already had to put the Constitution back together three times.

President Trump says he got North Korea to commit to destroying a major missile testing site but "didn't put it in the agreement because we didn't have time." Didn't have time? What? It's a nuclear deal. It's not a trip to Disney World where you didn't have time for Epcot.

Conan

Microsoft is working on technology that removes the need for cashiers and checkout lines. This cutting-edge technology is known as "shoplifting."

President Trump said Russia should not be punished for seizing parts of the Ukraine because they speak Russian there. Which explains why, today, Mexico announced plans to take back California.

We must acknowledge it's the president's birthday. Trump had some cake, ate some ice cream and played golf, and then he remembered it was his birthday.

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Uber is working on a new feature that can tell if you're drunk when you request a ride. Here's how it works: If it's 2 a.m. and you call an Uber, you're drunk.

Some more political news. In November, people in California will vote on whether they want to break the state up into three smaller states. The states would be Northern California, Southern California and Kardashistan.

Applebee's is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's, get them to a hospital.

Father's Day is this Sunday! Yep, it's that magical day when you call dad for 10 seconds of small talk before he goes, "Hold on, I'll get your mother."

"Jurassic World" is a movie about wild creatures trapped on an island -- or, as Singapore calls that, "A little too close to home."

Tonight, in Singapore, Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un finally came face to face. Or, in Kim's case, more like face to belly button.

Here's some good news for the president: tomorrow is his birthday! The White House is filled with balloons, champagne and streamers. He was flattered, until he realized it was all left over from the party his staff threw when he left for North Korea.

Tomorrow Trump turns 72. But he doesn't tweet a day over 12.

Today it was announced that the U.S. will host the 2026 World Cup with Mexico. Yep, players can either travel from the U.S. to Mexico by plane, or just walk past the wall that still won't be built.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Trump announced that he was going to halt the joint military exercises with South Korea and the U.S., but that came as a shock to our close allies, South Korea and the U.S. In fact, a spokesperson for South Korea said, "At this moment, the meaning and intention of President Trump's remarks requires more clear understanding." Which is Korean for "Whaaaa!?"

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Kim Jong-Un is getting rid of his nukes the same way Donald Trump is building his wall. They're not.

On Saturday, in Houston, Texas, I will be playing one-on-one basketball against Sen. Ted Cruz. This will be an historic meeting. I don't know if you're aware of this -- this is the first time anyone has ever accepted a one-on-one invitation from Ted Cruz for anything.

One-on-one basketball is good for Ted [Cruz] because there's no way he can get picked last.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

Facebook has announced a new page called "Memories" that will show users photos from the past. It's better than the original title for the page: "When You Were Thinner."

The Cheesecake Factory has been fined $4.6 million for wage violations with their janitorial staff. And now, to save money, they have to remove the last 40 pages of their menu.

President Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un met tonight in Singapore after we taped our show. So if you're watching this on TV right now, either it went well or you have a TV in your fallout shelter.

According to reports, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un brought his own toilet to Singapore for his summit with President Trump, to prevent intelligence agencies from using the sewer to get information on his health. Said intelligence agencies: "We're just gonna go ahead and guess bad then."

Dennis Rodman arrived in Singapore today for the summit with Kim Jong Un. So, at least if Kim launches a nuclear missile, Rodman will be there to grab the rebound.

Scientists in Germany have programed a robot to hug humans, due to research showing hugs can reduce stress and help stave off illness. Which is the most German reaction to that news. "Oh, you need a hug? C'mere … let me build you a robot."

According to CNN, over 800 people in Central Florida were stung by jellyfish this week. "I'm on my way!!" said R. Kelly.