Pornography – What Turns You On?

I’ve been wanting to do a post about pornography for a while now, but I just haven’t had the time. This is a subject that I really haven’t had many discussions about with others, especially my female friends. I am a firm believer that women have as much of a right as men to enjoy pornography if they wish.

One of the blogs I follow is Our Porn, Ourselves that has the tagline, “Women like to watch porn. Deal with it.” In their Origins section of the blog, they have the following to say:

For women who are pro-porn and all those who support us. WE are the answer to anti-porn feminists. All genders welcome.

A little further down we find:

We women are tired of people trying to control our sexuality by telling us what we should or shouldn’t like sexually (porn) based on what someone else thinks is best for us. It’s like keeping women in a perpetual state of being children about sex. And women who say they are feminists make it worse by discounting all the women who find porn to be an empowering sex toy. Or if not, to at least give us the benefit of the doubt that we can make that decision for ourselves, thank you very much.

Bravo!

I’m not about to go into the different types of porn. That isn’t what I want to talk about. This is about what kind(s) of porn turn us on. Since I can only speak to my preference, this is what I shall do. I hope that this will spawn a discussion where others will share what kind of porn turns them on and why.

My brand of porn is pretty specific. To sum it up in just a few words: women having orgasms. There are few things that I find more sexually exciting and stimulating than seeing a woman (or women if the case may be) having an orgasm. The reason is simple; it goes straight to what turns me on when I am with a partner(s), and to the very core of my approach to sex and relationships; giving pleasure.

Even when I was a teen, first discovering my sexuality and my body, my fantasies always included me pleasing (read “making her cum”) whoever it was that I was fantasizing about. For me, in both my fantasies and in my relationships, the sexual experience was not complete unless I had pleased my partner at least once. Of course, I always encourage and work toward multiple orgasms for all. Basically, I need to make sure that she is pleased. If I cum before her, that is never the end of things, but the beginning of more pleasure for her and, hopefully, both of us.

This is easily accomplished in my fantasies. In reality it takes work, but oh what fun that work is! Now, enough of my background; onto the porn!

Beautiful Agony (BA) features self-made videos of both women and men having orgasms. They are only allowed to shoot themselves from the shoulders up; no nudity allowed. This allows the focus to remain on the person and their pleasure. Most of the subjects please themselves, but there are some where there is obviously an unseen partner involved. The site also includes self-interviews with some of the people who choose to discuss their sexual lives and experiences, or just describe what they experienced during the making of their orgasm video.

I Feel Myself (IFM) doesn’t have the no nudity rule. Full body shots are the norm as is nudity (but some choose not to be nude). These videos are professionally shot and produced. The lighting and multiple camera angles attest to this. I haven’t researched their filming methods, but I believe that they probably set up the lighting and cameras, make sure things look good from all angles, start the cameras, and leave the room. I would think they would have to since I’m sure many people would be too self-conscious with a film crew in the room while they are doing their thing.

Another difference between IFM and BA is that on IFM the focus is exclusively on female subjects. This doesn’t mean that men don’t make an appearance, they do occasionally, but they are not the focus of the videos; their partner’s pleasure is. There are many more videos there that have female partners, often multiple partners. In these cases, the focus in often, but not always, on showing the mutual pleasure of all involved.

I believe that the people who created IFM were somehow involved with BA because many of the subjects on IFM were originally seen on BA. It just may be that the producers of IFM reached out to the subjects from BA, or that the subjects from BA found themselves drawn toward IFM. The truth is probably a combination of all three.

These are both pay sites. I’ve had memberships in the past and during that time downloaded a fair amount of videos that I still watch.

I want to explain how I view the differences between the videos from both sites and why I may choose one over another depending on my mood.

IFM is much more direct. We see kisses and caresses. We see fingers and tongues on clitorises. We see fingers inside vaginas. We see and hear every sound, every body movement, every facial expression, every convulsion and contraction. When I am in the mood not to have to use too much of my imagination, either because I’m tired or too lazy, this is where I turn for my porn.

When I want to use my imagination a lot and still get the visual stimulation of porn, BA is my choice. One fascinating thing about watching a BA video, is the sound.

I think most of us don’t really think much about the sounds that exist during our sexual encounters, but if we stopped to think about it, we’d realize that the sounds are just as arousing as the tactile stimuli of touching, kissing, licking and penetration. Watching a BA video brings this part of our sexuality home.

I’ve come to consciously appreciate the sounds of sex. Not just the moans and grunts and cries, but the wet, frantic sounds of rubbing, and fingering. There are the sounds of vibrators, the squeaking of beds, the slurping of a partner giving oral pleasure. I am at the point that in my own self-pleasing, that imagining the sounds of sex is as important as imagining the tactile sensations.

There are a few other sources of porn that I occasionally seek out. One is self-made porn. You know, the grainy, shot-from-their-webcam, kind. Another one is Cytherea, otherwise know as squirt woman. This is the only professionally made porn (as in the LA porn profession) that I frequent. The last one is very new to me and it is a Japanese series call Clitoris Climax. The thing they all have in common, of course, is women having orgasms.

The self-made porn is pretty straight forward. It is women in their own homes having orgasms through just about any means you can; masturbation or with a partner; manually, orally, and intercourse. I prefer the ones with partners because, well, it is what I’d want to be doing with someone if I could.

Cytherea is part of the genre of female ejaculation. Originally, I thought it had to be fake. No one could squat that much, that often. Although, if you watch the videos it becomes clear that this woman is for real. The convulsions, shudders, sounds, and facial expressions just ring true. Either that, or she is the greatest actress who has ever lived! I’ve had partners who ejaculate when they orgasm and I know what it looks and feels like. Cytherea is just a very extreme example of this.

What I love about her videos is not the squirting. It is the focus on the women’s pleasure. There are always other women in the videos besides her. In every one I’ve seen, it is the women’s orgasms that are central to the videos. Yes, there are men in them and the men have orgasms, but their orgasms are not glorified, as if that is what sex is all about. When the men cum, it is often inside the woman. Ok, there are some cum shots but somehow they are edited in such a way as to keep the focus on the woman because we see something very real and honest here; when the man cums it is adding to the woman’s pleasure.

Finally, there is the Japanese Clitoris Climax videos. In these videos, we are introduced to one woman. The entire video is focused on stimulating her clitoris in many different ways; orally, manually, vibrators on her clit, her vulva, in her vagina, clamp, feathers, and an odd assortment of other objects. I think these videos probably fall into BDSM because the main purpose seems to be, not just to make a woman climax, but to push her way, way past that point. Which causes her to instinctively curl up into a ball because she is so overstimulated from the orgasm. So far, I think I find these videos more fascinating than arousing.

Porn can be fun and helpful at times. Sometimes it gets us in the mood, other times it gets us over the edge when we need that extra little boost.

So there it is; that is my porn. Tell me about yours.

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5 Responses to “Pornography – What Turns You On?”

This is a great post (for some reason the site isn’t letting me click the “Like” button…sigh…but it is liked).

The subject of pornography is one that I’m unsure if I’ve openly discussed in anyone’s blog…or my own blog entries or journals. I know it’s come up in casual conversation…and I have a somewhat different than “normal” view about pornography than many women, and the view is directly related to personal experience.

I am not, in any way, averse to pornography. That said, it’s never been my thing (just as nude photography and art, while can be exquisitely beautiful, and I have an appreciation, I don’t gravitate there, if that makes sense). When I was 19, in my first marriage, I was working for a video store. When I became pregnant with my firstborn, morning sickness was beyond belief, and I was often late for work (sometimes puking en route). My boss at the time (Mike Myers was his name, ironically lol) couldn’t keep me on fulltime staff understandably, but he didn’t want me out of work…so he tasked me with a mission that lasted for the duration of my pregnancy. I was given crates…CRATES…of myriad porn. My job, you ask? LOL ~ my job was to watch all of them to determine which videos were “tasteful” enough to rent out in the store (nothing with children or child-like appearance, nothing with necrophilia, nothing with religious overtones, nothing with farm animals or domestic animals…you get the gist here). What was not suitable for rental was divided into two different categories: for the x-rated video store just up the road and for the adult bookstore further up the road.

At first, my ex & I were amused by all the porn we were watching -FOR FREE even- which is cool when you’re 19 and all hormonal and itchy and all. After a few crates, though? It got tremendously boring. It also had a negative effect on our intimate life. Years later, after I had divorced and remarried, I learned that St. Bea was what I would call a porn “addict” ~ to the point of hiding his activities…but dumb enough to not close all the pop-unders on MY computer (that my kids got on) ~ imagine opening your computer and having a screen full of twat shots greet you. *rolls eyes* Understand, I’m not offended by any of the imagery, but age-appropriateness for the kids was not something he ever took into consideration. It was also a severe intimacy killer for us, too…because he wanted me to “do what the porn stars” do in those manufactured scenes of bouncing and bobbing and moaning…and he was really super interested in anal ~ which I don’t have a problem with either, frankly…but *how* he went about it was appalling (and I’m disinclined about going into detail on that subject). Also, he was into face-fucking (no, I do not mean loving fellatio that is given by a partner as a gift, but literal face-fucking)…which was one of his favorite types of porn to watch…either hardcore anal or face-fucking videos. So I developed an aversion to any pornography during those years…the music alone would set my skin to crawling.

My preference isn’t “standard” porn, since I’ve seen too much to find it remotely erotic…I prefer intelligent artful sensuality – in both visual art and the written word — which is funny because my same feeling about traditional porn also extends to “Harlequin”-type romance novels with their contrived “honey-nectared breasts” and “throbbing organs” ~ their laughable and ludicrous. (Same for Penthouse Forum, quite frankly, in my opinion.) But intelligent erotica that stimulates the mind as well as the body? Yeah, I enjoy that. *nod*

I can completely sympathize with you here. The fact that he thought that these contrived sex acts in the films were normal is more a reflection of his maturity and lack of ability to empathize, understand, and respect a woman. Personally, I don’t find those types of scenes very appealing either.

It is interesting that you mention the face-fucking and refer to “…loving fellatio that is given by a partner as a gift…”. I have been cleaning up my heard drive which means removing videos that I don’t want to watch anymore. I just watched a beautiful video of a couple that are obviously very much in love. The video ends with the exact kind of face-fucking you mention as the “right” kind. The love and obvious joy she take in his orgasm is simply beautiful and intensely erotic because it is real and full of love and joy. And isn’t that how sex should be? *nod*

While watching porn is something that really doesn’t appeal to me at all, I don’t mind it’s existence, so long as it is healthy porn. By which I mean
– appearing consensual. As in, both parties enjoy it
– no pain. The anus of a woman is not designed to have two cocks in it at once, nor is the vagina, nor the mouth.
– no humiliation, like coming in someone’s face
– not all for the pleasure of one party (usually male)
– obviously no children/animals etc.

Basically, violence is bad, and violence and degradation in porn is harmful to men and women. I would back this up further but it’s late. I will respond to challenge though.

I totally agree with you. It must appear consensual, with no pain or any demeaning words or actions. Mutual pleasure is a must, unless it is a masturbation video. No children or animals goes without saying. There is no place for violence in any relationship.