Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

“Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder For Aliens to Snatch You From The Car.”

“My Reality Check Just Bounced.”

“Sorry, Officer. My Radar Detector Was Unplugged.”

“Alcohol and Calculus Don’t Mix: Do Not Drink and Derive.”

“Forget World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal.”

“Beauty is in the Eye of the Beer Holder.”

“If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.”

“No Radio. Already Stolen. Sorry To Disappoint You.”

“If You Don’t Like The Way I Drive, Stay Off The Sidewalk!”

“Honk If You Love Peace and Quiet.”

“Keep Honking. I’m Reloading.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES….

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. DAVE BARRY

“doctor(talking to his patiant at a checkup): i have bad news and worse news.

patiant:uh oh! whats the bad news?

doctor:you have cancer.

patiant:oh, gosh, whats the worse news?

doctor: you have alzhiemers.

patiant:oh, jeez! well at least i dont have cancer!”

-anonomous

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. — Joan Rivers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Freya was driving her Chevrolet Vega home in New Mexico when she saw an elderly Apache woman walking along the side of the road. She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a lift?

With a silent nod, the woman climbed into the car. Freya tried in vain to make conversation with the Apache woman.

The old Apache looked closely at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a red gift bag on the seat next to Freya.

‘What’s in the bag?’ asked the old woman.

‘It’s a bottle of whisky that I got for my husband.’

The Apache woman was silent for another minute or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, ‘Good trade.’

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Let’s have a bachelor party, with chicks and guns and firetrucks and hookers and drugs and booze!”

ANSWER: Bachelor Party! Rudy (Barry Diamond) said this when he found out that his friend, Rick Gassko (Tom Hanks), was getting married. A hilarious movie with a star-studded cast, including Hanks, Tawny Kitaen, Wendie Jo Sperber, that amazingly talented star of stage and screen Adrian Zmed, and John Bloom as Milt. “You’re a pimp? You look like Gandhi.” “I’m telling you I am, Joe. Remember, girls back in 45 minutes or Milt will come for you…this being Milt.”

Tuesday Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Sure, sure, I’ve heard of grits. I’ve just never actually seen a grit before.”

Monday’s Quizzler is……….

Lost in the woods, you come upon a mysterious stranger who hands you two large spheres made of two kinds of opaque marble. The spheres look the same, are the same size and have the same weight and apparent density; however, one is solid and the other hollow. The hollow sphere contains a tiny map that will enable you to navigate your way home. Unfortunately, you cannot break the spheres. The stranger agrees to open the sphere that contains the map only if you can determine which sphere is hollow. How do you determine which sphere is hollow?

ANSWER: Roll the spheres on a level flat surface. The hollow sphere will roll further because its mass is distributed away from the center giving it a higher moment of inertia. Alternatively, you could spin them and see which is harder to stop.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….

Insert one word in each pair to link the two words together. The end of the first word is the beginning of the second.

1. Short __ __ __ __ Light

2. Arch __ __ __ Station

3. Dill __ __ __ __ __ __ Barrel

4. Corn __ __ __ __ __ Box

5. Bar __ __ __ __ __ Pigeon

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/