When I was 19 years old, I left my homeland to live in a foreign country. For a year, I said, to work as an au-pair. Then I met my husband… on my very first day in Germany, but that’s a whole other story! 25 years later, I’m now back in the place where my adventure began, in a small town in Bavaria. In the intervening years, we’ve moved home 8 times, with four international moves and we’ve gathered a whole lot of experience. Here are my top tips on how to love expat life.

1 Set a Time Limit

At the first BOOM, the time is one o’clock

Give it at least a year, if possible longer. You cannot say within six months of moving, “Right, that is IT. I am off home”. This is particularly important if one of the family member is not keen to move.

Before you make the decision to move, set a time limit of not less than a year not more than 3 years. If one member of the family is still not settled and happy within that time frame, give a firm promise that you will review the situation at the end of that time and consider a move home.

No matter how much you love the place, if your partner or child is seriously unhappy then the whole family will suffer. In return the person who is reluctant to move has to promise to give it their best shot. Read More

Moving house is said to be one of the most stressful times of life. Moving overseas is even more stressful. Moving overseas with a family … let’s just say there will be tears, recriminations, doubts, regrets and the mother of all to-do lists. With the experience I’ve gained over the years, I’ve put together the ultimate expat family to-do list. Read More

When a sentence begins with ‘As a mother…’, it’s generally a bad sign. This rarely heralds an insightful observation, as Andrea Leadsom demonstrated. The discussion will continue around the political wrangling, but I wanted to pause for a moment and consider the idea that motherhood grants a woman anything other than the ability to cook meals one-handed while holding a wailing baby.

As a Mother…

I’ve changed. It would be impossible not to. The focus of my life has shifted, and the opinions and feelings of others need to be taken into consideration. I’m sure this is true for most parents, not just mothers.

As a mother, I became aware of different aspects of life that I hadn’t considered. When my kids were babies, I noticed that dropped kerbs and accessible buses meant that I could get around the town easier. It made me pause and consider that the inconvenience of using a pram or buggy was a temporary one, unlike those in wheelchairs, who are often prevented from using a bus because the buggy space is full.

As my children grew, their needs changed. From searching for restaurants with bottle-warming and baby-change facilities to ones with a play area or colouring books, to ones with free wifi as the kids reached their teens.

Fans of the TV series West Wing will recognise the catchphrase of President Jed Bartlet. ‘What’s next?’, he’d exclaim as he solved one tricky political conundrum and moved on. Sadly, real life politicians don’t have the option of wrapping everything up nice and tidily before the end credits roll.

Real life is messy, and by God it doesn’t get any messier than the clusterfuck Brexit.

Another summer, another list of rules for women on what they should and shouldn’t wear. From the ‘how to get a bikini body’ articles (top tip – buy a bikini, put it on your body, done!) to this incredibly stupid list of rules for women over 40 years.

Here are my dress rules for women over 40.

1. Problem Zones

I try to hide my problem zones. This is generally done by throwing a dish towel over the un-washed dinner dishes or shoving the ironing basket into a cupboard when visitors are due.

If you have bits of your body that you don’t particularly like (and let’s be honest, most of us do) treat them the same way. Hide them if you want to and don’t if you don’t. Don’t feel obliged to shield innocent children from the sight of your wobbly arms, but if it makes you feel more confident to cover them up, go for it.

“While I breathe, I hope”

This morning Rebecca from Artemis Mindset asked a question on her Facebook Group. Which women inspire you?

Inspirational … it’s a word that gets thrown around a lot when it comes to women. To inspire someone is to ‘ exert an animating, enlivening, or exalting influence on‘ them. Millie Slavidou breaks down the word inspire:

in = Latin prefix meaning ‘in’.

spire = from Latin spirare meaning ‘breathe’.

And suggests that we ‘think of it as a breathing in of ideas, or atmosphere, a filling with the air of imagination’.

This was a hard list to write because I was conscious of the women who would not be included. What criteria do I use when compiling such a list? The women who offer love, support and advice in my daily life are too many to mention and deserve my thanks and appreciation. I struggled for hours, before realising that there are a couple of types of women who inspire me.

Do you make New Years Resolutions? This year, I’m taking a leaf out of the book of Rebecca from Artemis Mindset Coaching, and not bothering. Or rather, I’m making changes but not thinking of them as NY Resolutions.

[pullquote align=”left” cite=”Rebecca Pintre” link=”http://artemismindsetcoaching.com/2015/12/30/why-i-am-not-doing-new-year-resolutions/” color=”” class=”” size=”12″]But… I don’t really believe in New Year Resolutions.
We can do better than that.
We can do better than signing up to a gym and going three times.
We can do better than going 3 days cigarette free then just having the one.
And we can do so much better than randomly deciding that January the 1st is going to be the start of a whole new you.[/pullquote]

I’ve never been good at NY resolutions. It wasn’t until Rebecca started coaching me last year, that I learned to plan ahead and visualise my goals, and to break these goals into shorter chunks. It’s so much easier to plan 3 months in advance than a whole year. And it’s so much easier to implement small changes that to try and re-arrange your entire life.

Rebecca is a Mindset Coach at Artemis Mindset Coaching. You might wonder what on earth that is, and who would see a mindset coach (and what exactly a mindset coach does differently to other coaches). I admit, when I first heard of it, I thought it sounded a bit woo (and I’m totally not woo!). She’s also a friend, so when she asked if I’d agree to be coached by her, as part of her training and certification, I agreed. Not only out of friendship, but also because I was inquisitive. What is this coaching thing, and what would I get out of it?

This weekend, we travelled up to the Highlands of Scotland to Mhor Hotel, and their annual MhorFest. We’d intended arriving in time for the Raft Race on Saturday morning, but underestimated the travelling time on the wee roads, and missed it. All was not lost, as the festival was just getting underway. With free entry for kids under 14 years, it was clear that this was going to be a popular event with families, and already there were a fair number of people milling about.

‘Steve and Mary from Nuneaton are following their dream, of buying and renovating a period property in rural France. The cottage we are showing them needs a bit of work, but we think that with a bit of updating, it could be stunning. Neither of them speak the language, but they came to this area on holiday last year, and fell in love with the natural beauty and the carefree lifestyle. Mary is an artist, and Steve is a graphic designer, and both hope to set up thriving home businesses in France.’

I quite like watching property shows, particularly A Place in the Sun, but usually spend the episode shouting, ‘NO! Don’t do it!’ at the screen. In part, this is due to watching the series on catchup, and knowing that the adorable finca that the couple are buying in 2007 is going to plummet in value within a year of the show being filmed. Having lived abroad, and moved many times, I know a bit about the process, and the pitfalls. So, this is my ultimate post on what you need to know before moving overseas!

It was my first visit to Ziggys Restaurant in St Andrews, and I was intrigued to see it described as a family owned ‘themed restaurant’, decorated with rock and roll memorabilia. I was guessing it would be a bit like Hard Rock Cafe, but more personal and individual. If possible, I try to support local businesses, rather than national (or international!) chain restaurants. Read More

A guest post by Coach Rebecca Pintre, from Artemis Mindset Coaching, on recognising the signs of low self esteem in a child, and what parents can do about it.

Self-esteem is the sense of worth a person has about themselves, the value they put on themselves. It is important to have a good balance of self-esteem and a positive yet realistic sense of self-worth. As a coach, low self-esteem is one of the issues I come across frequently. As a mother of two young girls I know that fostering good self-esteem in my daughters is one of my key tasks. Read More

It is my daughter’s 13th birthday today. At last, she is a TEENAGER! She’s promised that she won’t suddenly turn into a stroppy, hormonal monster. Check back in a year to see whether she’s been able to keep that vow!

I was thinking back to my teenage years, and what I would tell myself, if I could go back in time and give myself some advice. Read More

No, don’t worry. I’m not going to advise you to throw a First Period Party for your daughter. I can only imagine the sheer horror that my daughter would greet this suggestion. It is probably up there with ‘Mum-dancing with my guidance teacher at the school disco in an effort to get all the kids to dance’ on the 1 – 100 scale of embarrassment.

Talking to kids about sex is an important part of parenting, and a part of this is talking to girls about getting their first period. One of the best ways to help your daughter prepare, is to make a First Period Kit.

In my life I have lived in many cities and villages, but the cities I consider “home” are the twin towns of Dundee and Würzburg. I was born and brought up in Dundee, and have recently returned to bring up my children here.

I moved to Würzburg in Germany when I was 19 years old, to work as an au-pair for a year. On the day of my arrival, I met the man who I would later marry, but that is a story for another day. Today, I am thinking of the upcoming 70th anniversary of an event that almost destroyed the city, but instead led to its re-birth.

While the destruction of Dresden is common knowledge, many people don’t know that other German cities were targeted for destruction in the closing months of the war. One of these cities was Würzburg.

“My Mum reads my texts”, is the digital age version of “My mum reads my diary”. Did you write a diary when you were younger? If you did, you may remember the fear of your parents reading it, finding out all those private thoughts, spying on you.

Then the similarity between the diary and the smartphone ends, because a diary is kept private, while social media and text updates are shared with others.

Many parents worry about their children, and their use of social media and smartphones. Are they being bullied – or are they bullying others? Are they sharing information that they shouldn’t? Who are they talking to online, and can they really be sure if the person that they are talking to is being honest with them – or is even the person they are purporting to be?

It is done! Months of research, and hours of agonising which of the many wonderful women to include – today 12 Awesome Women Explorers was published. Initially only on Kindle, but soon to be available in print, and on iBooks.

One of the challenges of writing this book, was finding women who were explorers in a positive sense. Not rich, entitled white women who ‘explored’ countries where people had been living quite happily for many years, but those who actually brought a deeper understanding between peoples, or who made exciting scientific discoveries.

It’s been a while since I wrote a Secrets of Scotland, so I thought I’d catch you all up on some of the glorious areas of the country I am lucky enough to call home. The suggestions on this blog are many, and you won’t be able to do them all in a day, so pick the ones you like best, and don’t forget to let me know the ones I missed!

A lot of tourists land in Edinburgh and drive straight past Fife to head for the Highlands. Or if they visit the area, they drive to St Andrews, and then onwards. When we pick visitors up from the airport, we always drive around the coast road of Fife, and our guests are stunned by the beautiful views.

According to Planned Parenthood, teens who had good, honest conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sexual activity, have fewer partners and use condoms or other contraceptives when they do have sex.

So how do we go about talking to the kids about sex and puberty, so that they are informed of the changes ahead, know how they can protect themselves, and how to react to the pressures from others? Without euphemisms or embarrassment.

When a friend recently talked about ‘Gentle Parenting‘, or parenting without punishments or rewards, I will admit to first having to look up the term, and second thinking that can’t possibly work.

After reading the list on this blog, I realised that I’d been practicing a version of this parenting philosophy, without knowing there was a name for it. There is no blueprint for successful parenting, and I wouldn’t say that I am an expert, but these are the tactics that have worked for me, and my family.

Times are tough for writers. With too many people willing to work for nothing, freelance writers are finding it difficult to survive. I know many talented writers who work hard, both in creating and promoting, with little to show for it. Rejection follows rejection, as publishers are reluctant to take a chance on an unknown writer, when they could sign up a celebrity or a YouTuber with huge existing fan base.

I am not knocking Zoe Suggs, also known as Zoella, but I do understand the frustration of many writers today, who looked at the headlines and sighed wearily. A relatively unknown vlogger who outsells JK Rowling – impossible!

Ever more writers are turning to self-publishing, cutting out the middle-man and selling directly to their readers. Particularly for bloggers, who already have a network, this can be a sensible option.