Female and male decisions implicating on intimate relationships and dynamics

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

See it through her eyes: reasons women struggle for a life of happiness

“Happiness
is never absolute. When it arrives we
take it for granted, and when it diminishes we believe it is our right. Happiness never lasts for the time we wish
for, it rarely runs in parallel with our endeavours in life, and we can wrongly
assume it is unconditional as part of our existence. Sometimes we have to live through an illness,
a disaster or continuous misfortune before we appreciate life for the beauty it
is. Only then can we acknowledge that
happiness is not a commodity that is gifted to us unconditionally.”

I would expect any given man, from any given
place, has spent a good few days in his life taken up by bad feelings and
thoughts towards women. Even masters of
women, and hardly any in the world exist, will have gone through a phase when
they wonder why a certain female who has stolen his heart had acted in a
certain way. Why did she lie? What made her unapproachable or
unreceptive? Why has she chosen him over
me? Why did she appear to stop
trying? Why did she leave me?

To understand reasons why a woman, especially
an attractive woman with options from numerous men, acts in the way she does, a
man has to formulate a background to how she will have been treated and seen
upon by people close to her when growing up through her younger years. If she was an attractive child at school, she
would have always been popular with other boys and girls alike, whilst teachers
gave her a certain amount of leeway due to her pretty eyes gazing into
them. Her parents gave her praise and
belief in herself beyond the nature of a parent with an average looking
kid. Of course, many attractive women
were also late bloomers, as they may not have been cute kids but they blossomed
out in their late teens. In this case, a
woman’s ego boost has simply been delayed, and it doesn’t take a woman long to
be convinced she is acquiring more attention and interest from others in comparison
to her female peers. So no matter what
phase of life it strikes her, she is now in a place that makes her believe she
is in the special segment within the minority of women out there. For example, if most of these women with this
mentality believe this is the case with them, whether rightly or wrongly, they
are in the top twenty percent of physically attractive looking women if taken
from a random group. I’m sure many
people have come across women who they view in falling below this select group -
only for them to have false belief they are in it – an example is a 6.5/10 woman in believing she is an 8/10 rating. It’s also important not to disregard
successful higher status women, in career terms, as they also can attain high
opinions of themselves.

So basically this woman has lived in her own
life bubble of attention, praise and idolization from others. This kind of woman is often one who never
leaves her small town, as she has a great need to be a big fish in a small
pond. Or ever notice that attractive
girl who never gives way to another car despite it being their right of way, or
a woman who doesn’t queue in the traffic leading to a slip road? That is typically her. She has always had her own way in life, she
has always been accustomed to people looking up to her, and she has mostly come
away from situations believing the reason for all this is down to her beauty. For this reason alone, her apparent selfish
and self-centered mentality has not necessarily evolved through her own high
opinion of herself, and it is in fact down to other people allowing her to
believe she is a cut above the rest of her close network of friends and
acquaintances.

Now because she has this vision of herself
and her own spectrum of life, with everyone and everything else sitting outside
of it, she has the belief that the world, and most importantly, men, should
make the extra step to please her. In
her tunnel vision thought process, life owes her something because of her attraction. However, in the world of attraction and
potential relationships, this is where life becomes tougher for her, because
what she believes she needs - hence nice guys - isn’t what she wants. What she wants – the bad boys - isn’t what
she thinks she deserves. What could give
her both - in this case a high value man - makes her question her own
value. Weak beta males out there are
tongue hanging in hope she can in some way see an intimate attraction to their
nice ways. Bad boys want her in sexual
ways, but with no concern to her emotional needs. As for high value men, like most aspects of
the attraction world, these men sometimes desire a little too much beyond her
natural beauty. They are seen as high
maintenance men. Even if they don’t
expect too much, she can often doubt her own worth and purpose alongside him.

When it comes to her dating sequence, this is
how it most likely runs:

Step one: Falls into the arms of a bad boy

No matter how much she tries to convince
herself otherwise, she is infatuated by the local bad boy. It’s not that he is unbelievably good looking
or has great personality, but the challenge and knowledge of his popularity
draws her towards him. She loves the
thought of being naughty, and whilst he isn’t giving her what she thinks she
should have in terms of being idolized, the chemistry is too strong to think of
this negative aspect. As she is young,
she has no concern to the probable lack of long term relationship this guy can
offer her. She just has the adrenalin
day to day rush. The thing a bad boy has
up his sleeve is that he achieves, without trying, in making her realize the
world isn’t only about her. She sees
this bond of “us against the world”. It
isn’t totally selfless from her point of view.
She knows other people are interested in the two of them, so her
attention requirement is satisfied too.
By dating this young man she sees further validation in her importance
from her closet peers. Unfortunately,
there are too many other pretty girls for on option hungry guy like this, and
once bored, he is on to her equally attractive girl friend. Her first broken heart is the outcome.

Step two: Gives the nice guy his chance

So despite subconsciously knowing she craves
for bad boys, she is convinced she deserves a period in her life in being
valued more by a boyfriend. As most men
fall into the category of an average looking male with beta characteristics,
there will be inundated numbers who will happily take on this role. The average looking nice guy has probably
been waiting in the wings for some months or even years, vainly believing she
will get tired of being treated like dirt and that she now needs a man like
him. This is where a beta male kicks
himself in the teeth. It’s not that he
doesn’t realize attractive women actually want or like bad boys, although many
always persist in thinking it is her bad luck or it is a coincidence, his
problem is he doesn’t understand the reasons why. If only beta males out there actually
improvised and gave her more of a challenge once captured. It’s like the polar opposite to the dynamic
in how a woman tries to turn a bad boy nicer.
If the nice guy wasn’t actually as “nice” as she perceived, he’d be much
more challenging to her. Nevertheless,
he is adamant she will learn to love him if he continues with his supplicated,
sycophant and desperate ways.

This
guy is safe for her. She knows he will not do any better than her, and she has
returned to younger habits of being around people who see her as a
princess.For a period of time this is
ideal for her.Although she will never
admit to the lack of chemistry he gives her, the feeling of being valued once
more overpowers this intrinsic concern for the time being.The way he treats her is unprecedented.She tells her friends about all the things he
does for her, all the money he spends on her, and how many times he tells her
he is in love with her.Unfortunately,
all these great feelings make her feel good as a person, but they fail in
making her feel better in a visceral sense.Here lies the root to her problem with this guy.This kind of relationship is about “her” and
not “them”.For all his good ways, they
are not gifts that get her sexual organs moist, and she wakes up one day
acknowledging she cannot possibly spend or stand another day looking at him.She will acknowledge he’s a great guy, and
state that it just didn’t work out.At
no stage will she say out loud that his “nice” ways were not to her liking.She will simply put it down to him being the
wrong type of nice guy.

Step three: Approached by a high value man

She may even repeat steps one and two before
encountering step three, but it will happen eventually. In summary so far: she has had chemistry
without being loved, and then she has been idolized without a feeling of emotional
chemistry. By now, she is probably at
the stage when she has realized that being placed on a pedestal and receiving
unlimited attention is something she wants from the majority of people in her
life. What the experience of the nice
guy has made her realize is that when it comes to a boyfriend, this isn’t
actually what she desires over a long period of time. Also, she now accepts in her mind, although
not to other people, that in reality she needs to have to fight to be idolized
by a boyfriend. A nice guy gives her
this too easily and too rapidly. A bad
boy never gives her this at all, and it epitomizes in a nutshell the main
reason to her contrasting words of what she says she wants against the things
she needs.

This is the balance a clever, handsome, strategic and high value
man has mastered. He has his own life,
but he also appreciates her needs too.
He knows, having probably lived out the roles of both the nice guy and
bad boy in previous relationships, that an equality of both characters is the
way forward. He can take the positive
traits from both parties, erase the negative characteristics they both attain,
and give her too much rather than too little space. He borders on being less complimenting rather
than over complimenting. He is
challenging to her views instead of extreme apathy or supplication. Yet if leaning towards one extreme is
necessary, he leans towards the bad boy’s mannerisms rather than those
delivered by the nice guy.

A high value man has the best opportunity to
keep her if he can get to that stage. So
here lies the problem for both parties: it is the hardest case in the initial
attraction, as the woman’s brain goes through three processes:

Impulse

Emotive

Logic

Her
impulse thought process is one of “god, he’s fit” or “I can see other women
looking at him…he’s a challenge…I like that.”She will have a few discrete looks at him, and she may harbour ambitions
of him approaching her.

If he does approach her, the emotive function can go one of two
ways. She will be either melted away by
his natural looks, charm, personality and charisma, or she will form into a
shell and act disinterested. The latter
option is to maintain fiction of higher value, and in addition she will also
conceivably give him compliance tests to drag down his obvious appeal. Most sharp high value men will be aware that
both of these acts are positive. One is
a silent compliment, whilst the other is a back-handed compliment.

Unfortunately for him (and in many ways her
too), her logical, or often illogical process takes over.What she instinctively found attractive,
hence women looking at him, now makes her feel insecure.Questions of - “why would he choose me over
her?” or “will I be just another notch on his belt?” will arise.The following day she sees a woman as, or
more, physically attractive than her, she immediately thinks of the great guy
she met last night and she assumes this potential intruder could be someone
he’s interested in.She never stops to
think that she may in fact be his type, and although there is a blonde, skinny
stunner standing over the road, he actually prefers curvy brunettes - as she
is.She is at her insecurity peak at
this moment, and the necessity to protect her ego and emotions overpower her
willingness to give a great guy a chance in her life.She will not invest emotionally, as she is
assuming the worst.She questions her
value against his, and jealous friends of hers pour further fuel onto the fire
by reinforcing the negative questions she has, and in turn dismissing any optimism
she suggests.So what happens?She doesn’t return his call, or makes up a
long winded and dishonest rejection story about it not being the right time.

So if you ever see a woman as a cold-hearted,
arrogant selfish woman, maybe take a few moments to think about the fact all
she wants in life is to be genuinely happy.
She’s just like anybody else, really.

To summarize, this is her dilemma:

Biggest
PositiveStrongest
Negative

Bad BoyChallenge/ChemistryLack of concern to her

emotional
needs

Nice Guy Attention
& love No
chemistry

High Value Man The
balance between Her insecurity
and decreased ego

nice and bad due
to lack of self-value

They all satisfy her in one way, but
unfortunately not in the another aspect. Many women can be complex species, and men
need to comprehend this fact sooner rather than later if they wish to be happy
and stress free during interaction and relationship phases. Women are known to act on emotion, but often
they make their biggest mistakes through logical thinking. Or more to the point, they will think
illogical when looking through logical eyes.
I guess this is why men love them so much.

If good and genuine men ever feel the need to
question the lack of fair play that coincides with women’s decisions to choose
jerks over nice guys, they should look at it in this way. Bad boys offer a perfect blend and balance of
challenge, validation and physical importance comfort to women who choose to
dive in with these men. Unlike the
supplicated, unchallenging and over complimenting nice guys – who make up the
bulk of male suitors – a bad boy provides a test in instigating and preserving
a woman’s interest. His popularity and
reputation creates a path to prove her identity and worth to external parties
when alongside him. The importance to
how a woman perceives others look upon her should never be overlooked when
analyzing her decisions in life. And
whilst most of these men are above the average look of the perennial nice guys,
they are rarely as striking to the eye as the exclusive group of very good
looking men. This underrated factor acts
as the main foundation for a woman to feel a physical level above him in her
most obsessed, yet most important, sexual market value measurement. With all this in consideration, many women
are far more likely to oversight a bad boy’s inefficiencies, over and above
their harsh critique of other men’s slightest errors of judgments.

This will explain why a woman repels from a
good looking high value man, but she becomes bored, over time, with an
unchallenging beta male nice guy. Maybe
this is a strong justification for women having strong inclinations to be with
jerks who they know will treat them badly.
At least with them, they can almost act on impulses and emotions but
without the concern to a longer term view of assessing if her value is too high
or too low. It is a means to an end
dynamic, and although the parting of ways and broken heart is the inevitable
result, this irresponsible type of man eradicates any need to foresee beyond
tomorrow.

The female mind goes through a torment of
never quite knowing what it wants. It
appears to be pulled from different directions, within different emotions, and
on different occasions. One moment it
requires peace, happiness and a stable environment, but then in a split second
it seems to need a supply of intensity, drama and conflict. A woman’s emotional balance, and how she
views a man’s power over her, is also never in a place that offers
satisfaction. She appears to fear being
in total awe of a man, in consequently feeling inadequate in comparison, but
then she cannot be satisfied with a man who she believes is lower value than
her. She won’t desire inundated numbers
of women being magnetized towards him (unless he was famous or with extreme
high social status – as she would make an exception in this case), but she
doesn’t want to be with a man who doesn’t attract any women.

A woman has a small window of opportunity –
her peak sexual market value phase – to sell her value to men in finding the
most suitable future mate. In this
duration she will also hold the will to display her placard to friends and foes
in its full glory. This window may be as
little as three years. This small period
of time is a large price to pay for the opportunity she has within this
maximized potential time frame to find the prized asset amongst the hoards of
hidden talents or wasted causes. She
doesn’t have time to spend on selling dead horses, but she also needs to hold onto
her morals and integrity, no matter how manipulative or economical with the
truth she has to be to achieve both tasks.
This fundamentally leaves her with no option but to often lie to men or
devise false reasons explaining why the relationship is not working out. Ultimately, a woman has this limited ticking
time bomb to sell herself to the male world.
Once the bomb explodes, she is looking down on men she wouldn’t pick
through choice. In the regular world,
the number of high calibre men can seem few and far between to a woman with
reasonable standards, but unlike a man’s mentality in direct comparison, not as
many women have the fortitude and independence to travel the course of life
alone. This means many of them take the
perceived safer bet in a less desirable man, than the unknown world of waiting
and to see what destiny might bring. But
as women are rarely proactive and forthcoming in making things happen in life –
especially in emotional terms – the lottery of settling down with a man who
doesn’t give her butterflies will appear like odds worth taking. So if there are men out there who cannot find
it in them to move on from their broken heart due to the bizarre stories they
have been told by their most recent ex-girlfriend, it may be a worthwhile
exercise to take a step back and, just for a few moments, see it though her
eyes.

3 comments:

Interesting read. Refreshing to see a more sympathetic tone in this piece towards the female POV in regards to the sexual market and The Game.

Stumbled upon this blog via The Rational Male which I also appreciate for its attempts at approaching the topic in a sober, objective manner.

I am somewhat put off by the bitter anger and dehumanisation of women that places like Red Pill reddit seems to generate a fair bit (among other prominent blogs in this realm), even though I can see 99% of what they speak of is probably true.

Don't get me wrong, men and women are different and the underlying truths to the circus are quite disturbing, but as this post seems to point out: there is no sisterhood of pure evil out to get anybody, it is merely people working with what they've got and trying to be happy.

I understand that as a man I am always alone, but resentment towards women isn't the way forward. Sympathy is much more constructive and ultimately rewarding on a personal level - you might not be able to get all that you've hoped for from women, but being in a constant state of antagonism with these flawed creatures will get you even less.

No matter how severe your misfortune with women has been, I think it is worth remembering they are all somebody's daughters, sisters and mothers.

I'd like to think many posts in this blog either explain or allude to the balance a man needs to strike. Too bitter, and it resentment that manifests to very little benefit. Too much sympathy, and he turns into the blue pill lapdog that women despise in the first place. Experience, learn, understand, accept, and act accordingly to benefit your own life first....

About Me

Tough and sensitive. Firm but kind. Happy to help, but not here to be used. Once naive, now astute. Versatile and ranged. Balanced yet peripheral. Stylish but not extravagant. Stands out at the same time as blending in.