i have been torn with a decision and just need some unbiased opinions/perspectives so i thought i would turn to the bee…

back story: Darling Husband and i were living in so. cal for 3 years while Darling Husband went to grad school. when he graduated in 2011, the only job he could find was a temporary gig in the bay area. even though it meant we would be LDR, he took it. the contract was supposed to end in feb 2012, right before our wedding. however, that’s not what happened. the company he works for kept extending him so after a year of LDR, i decided to move up in sept so we could be together and start our married life.

here is the problem: i HATE my new job. it’s the same kind of work as my old job but it’s still so different. i miss my old job and my friends SO MUCH. i’m miserable all the time. i don’t know anyone here and Darling Husband has 2 friends here but they are so busy with work, we rarely see them. Darling Husband and i have talked about moving back to so. cal several times. he is not particularly attached to his job whereas i ABSOLUTELY LOVED my old job and i know my old job would welcome me back with open arms. the only problem is money.

i make a good chunk more in the bay area than i do in so. cal and there is still a chance that Darling Husband won’t be able to find anything. we are risking cutting our income literally in half. it’s not so drastic that we would be living beyond our means… we would just go from living super comfortably, with a lot of savings each month to living kind of tight with minimal to no savings until Darling Husband finds a new job… which could take months? years?

so should we do it? should we move and be less financially comfortable but i would be really happy at work and have lots of friends and support around.

or do i suck it up so that we stay financially stable and trust that i will make new friends eventually? and hope that the work starts to grow on me?

@bijou214: The bay is certainly harder to make friends than SoCal (I’m a Cali girl living in Seattle currently), but you have only been there for a few months. And you say you make a great deal more, but SanFran is super expensive to live. Are you living in the east bay and commuting over? I agree with @rachelmichelle: to have him start looking because it certainly doesn’t hurt to look, but don’t move immediately. In the meantime, give the city a chance, it is beautiful, crazy, and has some awesome stuff to do/see. Tell him to take you to Napa or Point Reyes next weekend, sign up with meetup.com for something that interests you.

ETA – I miss SoCal ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME, so I understand what you’re going through, beleive me.

Man, I’m just wanting to find a job anywhere in California. Can I take the one you aren’t using?

Ok, in all seriousness…I think it takes about a year to fit into a new place, and two years for it to really feel like home and settled. I’d give yourself a little bit of a break, and find some things outside of work to meet new people and try to get to know your coworkers a little better. I went to college in SoCal and promised that I would never leave. Now that I’ve lived outside of the country, the bay area seems more my speed. I don’t know, maybe it will grow on you?

Just another thing to think about…money doesn’t buy happiness, but it sure helps prevent a lot of stress and conflict in marriage. Even though you may be happier at work and have friends, you or your Darling Husband could wind up being stressed and unhappy over money.

Just a question…have you put yourself out there to give the Bay area a chance? In your post you only mention your husband’s friends. Have you tried to make friends of your own? Have you kept an open mind about the new job? Because your post kind of reads like you think there is no way you can be happy in the Bay area, which if you go into it with an attitude like that, you won’t be. What is so different about the new job that you dislike? Is it just that you haven’t made friends with co-workers yet? Is your boss a jerk?

My point is, it’s only been three months. I would give it more time and be open to actually building a new life in the Bay area rather than comparing everything to So. Cal. In the meantime, sure have him start looking for work down there, but I would NEVER willingly give up either my or my DH’s salary because I hadn’t adjusted to a new city after 3 months. Wait until he has an offer, then you can think about moving back.

@ChemistryBride: I like your points; however, I think one thing to also consider is that he left under the pre-condition that it would be temporary. Resentment is a real risk in this situation and might be an even bigger source of contention than the loss of income.

@bijou214: After factoring in cost of living how much are you really gaining by being in the bay area? Is it significant enough to matter? Would you want to live their long term–good job or bad? Do you have other ties to so cal that would eventually lead you back therE?

I get that job satisfaction is important, but don’t cut yourselves off at the knees before the race even starts. Happiness comes from within, not from a city or a job or a group of friends. Stay put and branch out, if this is where your making hay, better stay and make it while the sun is shining!

@ChemistryBride: i’m a nurse. the main thing i don’t like about my new unit is that they do things very old fashioned/outdated. i feel very stifled in terms of being allowed to use my nursing judgement on this unit compared to my old one. also, some of the practices aren’t as clean/safe. finally, the politics are brutal.

however, i actually like living up here a lot. i love the food and being able to be kind of tourist-y and discovering the city. i do have some aquaintances here that i’m trying to reach out to. it’s just so hard because i really love being a nurse but also know that it’s really easy to get burned out if you don’t enjoy the unit you are working on.

@lawbride88: you make a great point! i always wonder if i’m starting to resent him. we moved from philly to so cal so that he could go to school. then we agreed that once he graduated, it would be “my turn” and we would stay in so cal because i enjoyed my job so much. he only decided to take the bay area job because it was *supposed* to be temporary. i feel like i gave up my job and friends so that he could continue to work at a place that he only feels so-so about.

anyway, Darling Husband agreed to start looking in so cal after the new year. in the meantime, i’m trying to keep an open mind. =P

@bijou214: YAY! That’s great. I think you should really put the pressure on. Like a deadline. Get Fiance on board and inform your old bosses that you’d like to return. With a bit of pressure I think he’ll take the hunt more seriously.