For several days, we’ve been talking about New Year’s Resolutions. Those are great, if you follow the wisdom in the last 3 articles. On New Year’s Day, I recommended you wait to make resolutions, and just gently transition into the New Year (http://wp.me/pw4HM-kV). On January 2d, I shared the biggest secret roadblock to resolutions working (http://wp.me/pw4HM-l0). Yesterday, I covered resolutions that will work powerfully for you, and why they will (http://wp.me/pw4HM-l5).

Today, it’s time to really look backward at our recent failures. Let’s see why some of your previous business goals FLOPPED. After all, why waste time pushing yourself toward a goal, if it’s a non-starter? So get out your paper and pen, your iPad or the like, your iPhone Notes app or something similar, and let’s rock!

This is the hard part: look backward through your 2014 and list your attempts that failed, starting with December, because it’s freshest in your mind. No one will see your notes, so be honest. You can burn them or delete them, right after we cover this, if you like. Now, what do those failures have in common? I’ll wait. Ready with your list? Then consider if the following examples ring familiar chimes.

Goals are simply tools to focus your energy in positive directions. These can be changed as your priorities change, new ones added, and others dropped.

~ Christopher Columbus

The biggest reason for your business goals flopping are that they were the wrong goals—for you. Striving to meet someone else’s goals is a major waste of time and energy. So you took up product sales with a company that has great products, great customer service online and by phone, and even a training system. But you stalled out after a few weeks, exhausted and fog-brained. Exhaustion is your biggest gift: it tells you you’ve been on the wrong track.

Selling product and a sales system involves many hundreds of interactions with people. Maintaining others’ interest in your team requires incredible amounts of energy. So whose idea was it for you to take up multilevel sales? Who are you trying to please, Uncle Louie, who said he really needed you on his team? But maybe you are a true introvert and you’re drained by sales meetings and hundreds of emails and calls trying to line people up and get those sales and maintain that team. Getting more and more tired and foggy is a sure sign you’re in the wrong business or wrong business structure. Look for something with a different structure, or a different role in supporting Uncle Louie, like doing all his bookkeeping, inventory, and scheduling. Louie comes back from those meetings all jazzed. He’s the extrovert and he’s the one suited to it.

Maybe you got yourself into medical school, and you hate the material and sick people, but you feel obligated to become a doctor and “make good money”. What about moving sideways into medical research, where it’s quiet, or into medical device design? Now set your financial goal for the year. Or maybe you’ve become an accountant, because your whole family are accountants, but you are going insane sitting at the keyboard all day. You can’t wait to go to group lunches, birthday happy hours, and professional conferences—and actually see some people! What about taking over the marketing for your family’s business, and going out to give lively and popular talks to different groups about healthy money management? A true extrovert will wither in a quiet environment. There’s no point in setting “audacious goals” for financial success when you really don’t even want to be there.

This pointer is for those of you who are people of faith. Maybe you’ve never really felt you were in your groove, professionally—yet. Maybe you’re not yet in your life’s mission? Maybe you haven’t yet heard your Call? I know a couple who were successful by others’ standards, when they realized they were called to devote their lives to furniture ministry. They heard the Call to sell almost everything they had and create a new nonprofit, collecting furniture for veterans moving into newly provided housing. They are one of the happiest couples I know. Ask yourself now if you have been hearing guidance to shift what you are doing. Pray for direction and clarity, and be open to what you may hear. It may not involve any dramatic changes like moving to a different continent. But being on track with your life’s mission will certainly bring you satisfaction and peace within.

So check in with yourself as you think backward through the last year. Do you need to dump some activities, goals, or Board positions you thought you “should” have? Do you need to downsize or rightsize or move sideways in some of your activities? Once you’ve corrected your compass bearings for this year, then it’s time to actually set your goals. And prevent a repeat of last year’s flops. This year, I wish you the greatest joy, satisfaction, and success!

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.

For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

So how is your New Year going so far? Did you go ahead and make those resolutions? On New Year’s Day, I recommended you wait, and just gently transition into the New Year (http://wp.me/pw4HM-kV). Yesterday, I shared the biggest secret of resolutions that can’t work (http://wp.me/pw4HM-l0). Finally, today, I’m talking about resolutions that can actually work for you, and work powerfully.

Making resolutions each New Year’s is one of the most popular traditions we have. What can that mean, except that people are not happy with the conditions or qualities or achievements of their lives and lifestyles? And that they believe they can and should take steps to make things better? Americans most often resolve to : spend more time with loved ones, get fit, lose weight, quiet smoking, enjoy life more, quit drinking, get out of debt, learn something new, help others, and get organized.

“And now we welcome the new year , full of things that have never been.”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

So what happens to all these well-meant resolutions? Do your last for at least 2 weeks? Are they forgotten within a month? What happened to your resolutions from a year ago? Some people make commitments to complete their resolutions and some are more in wishcraft. One study, published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, found that people who make explicit resolutions succeed at 10 times the rate of people who have an idea that they would like to make a change later. People with explicit resolutions held onto their resolve with surprising success: after 6 months, 46% were still on track. Whereas, after 6 months, only 4% of those who did not make explicit resolutions were still on track. Which group would you like to be in?

Experts say there are three components of goals that actually work:

Write them down.

Be specific.

Track your progress in some measurable way.

Ramp up your success by posting reminders on your mirrors and refrigerator, even inside your wallet. Some people get a success boost with an accountability partner, perhaps a friend who shares the goal and will be supportive over a multimonth period. Some people succeed with a mastermind group.

How long will it take to meet your goal? Be sure your resolution includes completing the goal in a reasonable period of time. What if your desire is, for example, to lose 20 pounds, and never have it find you again? Write down what you will do to achieve this goal, in, for example, a three-month framework. Will you switch what you swallow (“diet”)? Will you start taking great multivitamin and mineral supplements? Will you exercise? Where will you exercise, and what times and days? If you are an extrovert, plan on classes or fitness center programs. If you are an introvert, perhaps workout videos are for you. After the three months, what will your maintenance program include? Write it out and post it. Do you get the pattern here? Yes, work out the details of your resolution, and recognize that this is your success plan for this resolution.

Your life is a creative process, your greatest experiment. What tools will you choose, as you craft it into the most joyous, healthy, and fulfilling life you can possibly have? It’s up to you. I wish you great success and happiness!

_____________________________________________________________

Energy – Peace – Meditation

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.

For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

So it’s a whole fresh new year—a blank slate to be written upon. Happy New Year 2015! Whoops (sound of brakes screeching)! Are you happy? How do you feel right now? If you need to move the ice pack off your head before you can operate the keyboard, that’s okay. I’ll wait. Open your iPad or your iPhone Notes app, or get out that pen and paper. Let’s take just 5 minutes together, or more, if you find this interesting. Today is the perfect day to ask yourself some questions:

Is your body comfortable, your heart full, your mind clear and at ease, your spirit at peace? No one is going to see your answers unless you choose to share, so jot down key words, cryptic phrases, or even write out your feelings at length.

And what about your life and livingness? Do you have the relationships you want? Do you feel loved?

Is money working for you the way/s you would like?

Are you and the Divine on friendly terms?

What about your environment? Does it look pleasant to you? Does the flow work for you? Or is it dull and messy, the closets overflowing and files impossible to navigate?

Today, how does your life look, compared to what you envisioned on January 1st a year ago?

Notice I have not yet used the R-word. I want you to forget the guilt and forget being hard on yourself. Most say we should jump powerfully into our new year with a renewed sense of discipline and determination. Today, as a stress management expert, I’m supposed to talk enthusiastically about goals and resolutions, why they work and don’t work, blah blah blah. But we can cover those tomorrow. And please come back for that piece. As usual, my recommendations don’t go where others usually go. I want your life and work to be as painless and as satisfying as possible.

So for today, please forget all the resolutions you made a year ago. Forget how you’ve been eating and drinking and not-exercising the last several weeks. Forget what the scale said this morning. (You had to look, didn’t you?) Today, you are behind on last year’s idealized ideas of who and how you and your life should be. Some of you are feeling really guilty about the gap. Guilt depresses your parasympathetic nervous system and leaves you more open to illness, so it’s the worst strategy to nurture your guilt.

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves.”

~ Peter McWilliams

May I boldly suggest you stop guilting yourself right now? Instead, today, do what your body-mind-heart-spirit system needs: gentle transition from holiday health into the vigor you want and need for a powerful New Year. Do these things today, and continue this week:

If you can, walk for 20 minutes or tread on your treadmill, at walking speed, for 20 minutes. More detox.

Schedule some energy therapy like Jin Shin Jyutsu ® for balancing. This can eliminate the aches and unclarity.

Take some time in Nature. This pumps up your master hormone, DHEA, making you stronger and more resilient. The effect is immediate. An upcoming article will expand on this amazing phenomenon.

If you like God, pray, or just find a quiet place and moment, and talk. You may be wonderfully surprised at what you hear.

Start a journal, in your iPad or the like, your iPhone notes section, or in a disguised document on your computer. As you finish reading this article, take 5 minutes to write down some of your realizations. Notice how much lighter you feel?

“It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.”

~ Oscar Wilde

I would like you to enjoy your New Year! And to start making the most of it, consider gliding into it gently. Forget the advice to jump in forcefully. Create a transition from the Holidays, treat yourself kindly, and your pzazz will be back in mere days. Now: Happy (and Fabulous) New Year!

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Energy, Peace, Meditation

Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.

For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: bookings@kebba.com .

I love FaceBook! It has literally created changes in my life. Through FaceBook, I have been re-introduced to people from many different times of my life. My high school ballet mates and ballet teacher, a sister’s old boyfriend, my high school boyfriend, a woman who created a lucrative business with feather ornaments—each left impressions as our lives overlapped. From college days, two particular women I knew at Vassar inspired me in ways they never knew. One has become prominent and the other very famous. I recently relocated the first in a roundabout way, through FaceBook. Her name is Suzanne Palmer Dougan. The other is everywhere in the media. Her name is Meryl Streep.

I met Suzanne Palmer (now Dougan) through a friend, and then ran into Suzanne in the Vassar Theater Department. I was a freshman taking Theater 101. Suzanne was beautiful and had a stunning smile. She was energetic, vibrant, passionate, and creative. She never seemed to sit down. One week, Suzanne asked me if I would sub for her, doing moving set crew for a play. She wanted to take the weekend off for a special trip, and there were several performances for which she would have had to be onstage.

I was excited to agree! I would have an amazing experience while she pursued one of her non-theater passions. One of my jobs was to “blow up the Parthenon”, using a white-exhaust fire extinguisher behind a model of the Parthenon. At other points in the show, I made other things appear from behind painted panels portraying ancient Athens. Suzanne had designed and painted a great deal of that set. She gave me gifts of a lifetime, modelling joyful passion and giving me the set crew experience.

Two years later, she went to Yale Drama School, a high honor. Now I know that she found her soulmate through her passion for theater, and she is now married with a grown son at Yale. She is also now a professor of theater at Amherst College.

You do something good now, and you’re not always around to see the difference it makes later.

–Leroy Jethro Gibbs, comforting Abby, NCIS

The same play in which I blew up the Parthenon was actually Meryl Streep’s senior play. But I didn’t put that together at the time. I met her in the costume shop, since I was required to do 12 hours a week of costume crew that semester. The director had asked Meryl to bring in bikini panties and a bra, to have a bird-theme costume built onto. In that play, she was to portray “Peace”, dressed in a bird-clad bikini, coming down center stage doing hip pops. Meryl was the selfless soul of focus. She had a quiet manner. In the costume shop, after introducing herself to the costume mistress, she asked where she should stand. She put on the pieces and the costume mistress proceeded to attach feathers. Meryl made herself totally available to the moment and to the staff who needed to do their jobs. I saw her absolute commitment to Getting It Right in other moments, too. She changed me with that commitment, with her quietude, and with her intense focus.

Meryl Streep went on to Yale Drama School several months later. And several years after that, she starred in the movie, Sophie’s Choice. The world was astonished by her performance. I wasn’t. I had seen her egoless, intense focus and her incredible work ethic.

These two powerful, amazing women affected me deeply, infusing me with images of what is important in how we live our lives. Each was simply living as she saw best, not meaning to be a role model. Neither ever knew how they affected me, but their influence was powerful.

Occasionally, people tell me that I have inspired them in some way. Probably you have inspired others, and often, in ways and times you never knew. We need to live our lives by our values and passions, each be our unique selves, and let the right people be uplifted by who we are. Who knows what greatness we may each inspire?

________________________________________________________________

● Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition (http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc). She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Liked this article? You can buy Kebba’s books: just click the links!

One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to be open to positive possibilities in all aspects of life. Are you willing to allow yourself to get well? Are you willing to allow yourself to achieve a promotion? Are you willing to allow yourself a massive upswing in income? Are you willing to allow yourself a happy love relationship?

Have you ever noticed that there are some small or simple things you want to have in life but you don’t seem to go after them? Some of them are so easy to get, yet you don’t go get them. Why not? For example, many people complain about the chair they sit in the most. They say it just doesn’t fit them, it’s too high, it’s too deep, it’s too hard or unsupportive here or there. You have been in these conversations and heard the speeches. Some people can go on for years claiming they want a different desk chair, dining chair, or recliner. Do these folks act like they want to change the chair? Or do they act like people who want to talk about the chair and keep on talking about the chair? What is actually stopping the chair owner from changing the chair?

It is completely clear when we truly want something: we go after it. A morning coffee or mid-day lunch is an absolute goal, achieved daily and without fail, for many people. In larger decisions, we all know people who are sure of what they want. When their chair is not right, they try adjusting it and adding or subtracting pillows. If that doesn’t meet the requirement, then they go to stores that sell chairs in their price range and start auditioning chairs. Soon, they show you their wonderful new chair, beaming at how pleased they are with the both the comfort and the problem solution. These people are open to successful changes.

The classic formula for achieving something is:

Set the goal.

Set the approximate time frame and budget. List the steps needed.

Take action.

Stay focused until complete.

Enjoy your achievement.

So why do we so often fail to get to Step 3? I propose that there is a category of desire which is not a real desire. It’s the category of What We Want to Want (W4). If I only want-to-want my new chair, I will not take action. I am not willing to take action. Willingness is an element for success. Inaction is not just a matter of laziness, although it may appear so. How many people do you know who want-to-want a new job or relationship? What other examples of W4 can you think of? You may want to journal about examples you have seen, or examples from your own life.

Do you really want it? Or do you want-to-want it? — Kebba Buckley Button

Here is a short method for you to try, in three steps.

1. Write down your goal, such as: get comfortable chair, find someone new to date, get new job, increase income by $10K per year, get rid of scars, learn to program dreams, increase stamina 50%, lose fifteen pounds without their finding me again. Note how relatively willing you are to do anything about this. Do you want it? Or do you only wish you wanted it?

2. Write down all your reasons for achieving this goal. What payoffs will you enjoy when the goal is achieved? Again note your relative willingness to take action. It’s higher now, isn’t it? If not, figure out for whom this goal was really set. Was it for your parents, was it for appearances, or was it for someone else? Now, if this goal wasn’t really your desire, consider setting it aside! Otherwise, proceed.

3. Vividly picture yourself having achieved this goal, and feel exactly how good it is to have this item, condition, or achievement in your life.

● Kebba Buckley Button is a corporate stress management trainer and the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You, and the 2012 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister.

● Your comments are welcome!

● Get these articles by email– just click the Subscribe Free option in the right column.

Where is the most beautiful gate you’ve ever seen? Was it modern or ancient? What was it made of? Was it the gate to a home, or a hotel entry gate? Was it a vintage City entry gate? What purposes did it serve? How did you feel as you gazed at that gate? There are a number of ways in which gates can serve us.

Gates are used mainly for security, to impress, or to commemorate something. Most gates are designed to filter something, such as entrance gates for movie theaters, or the gate to a yard. Paris has one of the world’s most famous gates, the Arc de Triomphe, a commemorative monument to those who served and/or died in the defense of France, in the French Revolutionary War and the Napoleonic War.

The most distinctive gate I have ever seen is the Stargate from the movie and TV show of the same name. An ornate circle of “nahquadah” perhaps 20 feet across, the Stargate filters people and other living beings who want to be transferred quickly between planets. People jump into its circumference, and they are conveyed instantly. When the Stargate is switched off, no one can come in through it. It conveys the good guys and prevents the enemy from arriving.

Now consider the gate to your yard. It allows you ingress and egress for people and packages, and it keeps out some people and dogs you might not want straying into your yard. In Feng Shui, your gate has energetics, which vary by its placement and its appearance. It is important to keep your gate in good repair, and to keep it lovely, if possible. Look at the next two pictures, which show the pieces of an old gate and then the gate after repair.

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Which gate would you rather have? Which is more pleasing? Which one has better energy? Obviously, the “after” gate is more pleasing and has better energy. That one will help energize your yard. It will draw in great energy, perhaps vitality, great relationships, and prosperity.

One more level: what about your mental gateways? How effectively do they protect your Inner Peace? What are your mental gateways allowing in? Are they welcoming vitality, great relationships, and prosperity? Over time, you have learned to filter negative thoughts and not allow negative people to disturb your mental/emotional/spiritual peace. No doubt you are always learning better how to do this. So on the flip side, what are you attracting? Would you like to learn a simple exercise to attract more?

Photo by Kebba Buckley Button

Today, design your Lifegate and install it in your mind. Imagine a beautiful gate, perhaps surrounded by lush plantings, or attached to a lovely wall made of stone. Make your gate of any material you like. Look in magazines, in Google Images, and in photo calendars for ideas. You can always adjust your gate later, in materials, height, width, thickness and color(s). When you have settled on your intial Lifegate, sit quietly for a few minutes, twice per day, and picture the energies you want flowing into your life through your gateway. Picture vitality entering. Picture your vitality arriving, then your prosperity, then any other qualities or energies you would like to have flowing in. Be in touch with your gratitude, which will strongly support the good conditions flowing in…and staying. Call up the mental image of your Lifegate often, see it in vivid detail, and see the flow you want coming in through it. See the gate shut to negativity and takers.

It’s your Lifegate. You are in charge. Maintain all the gates of your life for the Highest and Best. What will give you the best energy and the most of the life you want? It’s up to you.

Happy New Year! There are so many traditions around this time of year. One of our greatest traditions is to make a list of New Year’s resolutions. Some make the list prior to New Year’s Eve, then share their resolutions with friends at the party that night. The popularity of making such a list suggests that people are not happy with the conditions or qualities or achievements of their life and lifestyle, as of the year that is closing. Top resolutions Americans make are: to spend more time with loved ones, get fit, lose weight, quit smoking, enjoy life more, quit drinking, get out of debt, learn something new, help others, and get organized.

What happens to those resolutions? Do yours last for at least 2 weeks? Are they forgotten within a month? What happened to your resolutions from a year ago? Some people make commitments to complete their resolutions and some are more in wishcraft. One study, published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, found that people who make explicit resolutions succeed at 10 times the rate of people who have an idea that they would like to make a change later. People with explicit resolutions held onto their resolve with surprising success: after 6 months, 46% were still on track. Whereas, after 6 months, only 4% of those who did not make explicit resolutions were still on track. Which group would you like to be in?

Experts say there are several components to achieving goals: write them down, be specific, and track your progress in some measurable way. Post reminders on your mirrors and refrigerator, even inside your wallet. Some people succeed with an accountability partner, perhaps a friend who shares the goal and will be supportive over a multimonth period. Some people succeed with a support group.

How long will it take to meet your goal? Be sure your resolution includes completing the goal in a reasonable period of time. What if your desire is, for example, to lose 20 pounds, and never have it find you again? Write down what you will do to achieve this goal, in, for example, a three-month framework. Will you switch what you swallow (“diet”)? Will you start taking great multivitamin and mineral supplements? Will you exercise? Where will you exercise, and what times and days? If you are an extrovert, plan on classes or fitness center programs. If you are an introvert, perhaps workout videos are for you. After the three months, what will your maintenance program include? Write it out and post it. Do you get the pattern here? Yes, work out the details of your resolution, and recognize that this is your success plan for this resolution.

Your life is a creative process, your greatest experiment. What tools will you choose, as you craft it into the most joyous, healthy, and fulfilling life you can possibly have? It’s up to you.