To the Nice Guys: Getting Out of the Friendzone

But you can look at it in 2 different ways – nice guys finish last and that means the nice guys often finish last in the marathon of getting a girl.

Or nice guys finish last, in which “finish” here means “to die” last. Because, fine, girls are attracted to bad boys, but we appreciate nice guys better than we like bad boys. Just because social media and memes have painted it that way doesn’t mean it really is the case in reality. No lady in her right mind would stick to an asshole who treats her like shit.

However, most of the time, these nice guys tend to send a lot of mixed signals to ladies. We’re not sure if they like us romantically, or just really like us as friends. It’s just like how you’ll never really want to be with your best friend, although it really is a blessing to be with your best friend. It’s just awkward, you guys are like buddies / bros / sisters… It seriously almost feels like incest *lol*. So this is where it matters, to get out of the friendzone.

Portrait of my bestie YT (2016)

1. Do not be unnecessarily nice.

That includes actions like offering to go get her food when you’re not even meeting her for the day. Because she can go get it herself. But, of course, we have to play by ear. Should she be so busy with work that she can’t grab a meal, offer, but don’t insist. And don’t offer every single time. Why did I use the word ‘unnecessary’? – She won’t lose her life just because you didn’t offer.

Girls like nice guys, not pushovers.

2. Do not talk about your eye-candy or crushes if it isn’t her.

If you’re talking about how some other girl is attractive, she’d naturally think you look at her as just a friend. We have all registered that if you’re not mindful about what you say in front of someone, it means that you don’t really care what she thinks… And that is only because you don’t like her romantically.

3. Get your ass outta the friendzone.

All of us are attracted to confident individuals – be it men or women. You know how some guys are really not all that great but they always have a way with ladies?

It usually lies in them being bold and confident enough, even if it isn’t for the better. And by “confident and bold”, I mean for you to take your stand to get out of the friendzone. It is a thin line from being flirtatious, so be very careful in terms of how often you use it, and whom you use it on.

It usually happens casually when she mentions and hints that you’re just a friend. For example, if she casually says things like “cheers to friends forever”, STOP THAT IMMEDIATELY. STOP HER. But be funny, not aggressive. You could joke around and casually and confidently lay your statement with a simple sentence “Don’t friendzone me.” or you could question her “Did you just friendzone me!?” At this point, she will probably just laugh it off – but trust me, she knows you’re interested in her at this point.

4. Be sincere.

So what happens if she already knows that you’re interested in her, yet she hasn’t done shit or expressed anything? It could be because she’s telling herself that you’re just joking. She could be in denial – it depends, maybe she’s really just not that into you….

Or maybe she thinks you’re being flirtatious… And so that’s when you have to be sincere and let her know that she’s the only one you’ve expressed interest to. But please don’t do it via text, it’s just creepy and so 2008. Be the man, and tell her in her face that you really like her, and hope to know her even better *coughs and to date her coughs*.

5. Finally, push and pull.

Once you’ve said your piece – yes, now she is 100% aware of your effort, sincerity and interest. Now, focus on trying to get her out on a date – don’t pressure her into being in a relationship with you. Some girls can be really taken aback by the bluntness and pushiness. So give her time to think about it… BUT NOT TOO MUCH.

Push. And pull. When she thinks you’re all that into her, give her personal space again, and then bug her again. You have to be wary of the interval though. Too long and she may just be seeing another guy.

If all these still don’t work out, she probably really just isn’t into you, and you should be better off wooing someone who recognises your effort and sincerity. A friendzone would be a safe zone anyway, should she be that much of an asshole. I hate to say this but a lot of times, guys are superficial beings – be realistic and go for a girl you like for her personality, someone you really know, and not just over the selfies she posts on Instagram… Or Ootds.

As a lady myself, I have to say that a lot of times I don’t respond to guys because I know they don’t know me well enough to really like me. They only look at what I write and post on-screen and assume I’m a good-enough person they should devote their time and money into. I’m sorry to say but I am absolutely turned off by guys who have expressed interest outrightly cuz of the photos I post online i.e. my selfies. I mean really, what can you get out of my Instagram or Facebook? Just things that I want to share.

Being 100% real right here, I don’t share every single thing I do. I don’t post about every single person I hang out with. I don’t talk about all the dates I’ve been with. So be careful who you assume you’d like.