Second Rare Two-Headed Turtle found in Washington, DC

Washington, DC (APE) – A second rare two-headed turtle was found far north of Havana Cuba in the United States crawling along the banks of the Potomac River. The finding immediately fueled opinions over the intelligent design, versus evolution debate. Pictured at right is the original turtle found by a policeman in Havana, Cuba. The second turtle was found crawling around and hiding in the mud and slime along the Potomac by an amateur herpetologist, Pat Fitzgerald. The second finding has led to speculation that this may be an entirely heretofore unknown species.

The Potomac River two-headed turtle

Mr. Fitzgerald immediately turned over the find to the National Zoo staff. “I was just walking along and I happened to see the little guy out of the corner of my eye as he was trying to dart for cover into the mud,” said Mr. Fitzgerald. “The little thing is kind of pathetic because it tries to pull its heads in its shell when it gets frightened, but they block each other from getting into safety. On the other hand, it really has an overdeveloped ability to urinate copiously to drive predators away… almost like it’s constantly leaking.”

Zoo keepers stated that they would be doing their best to keep the turtle alive, but said that the long term outlook was not good. “When taken out of their native mud and slime, these guys don’t do well in captivity.”

Handlers have also noted unfortunately that this turtle seems to harbor a particularly virulent strain of Salmonella after a number of staff who handled it became violently ill for a few days.

“For now, it appears healthy”, they continued, “The two heads seem to acknowledge each other, but maintain independent personalities. At this point in time, one head appears to be male, while the other is best described as ‘ambiguous’. It’s just amazing that this thing has survived to this point, given that it is without its traditional defenses. It has become incredibly adept in hiding amongst the slime along the Potomac.”

An immediate debate sprung up between intelligent design advocates and evolutionists. I.D. advocates stated that this was an obvious immediate response to human prayer and suggestions that “two heads are better than one”. They are pushing for the establishment of a new species based upon the two finds, and declaration of a miracle from the Pope.

Evolutionists countered that both finds prove their theory of adaptation and mutation over time. They claim that both specimens are statistical freaks of nature, and that particularly the Potomac turtle are genetic dead ends.

Mr. Fitzgerald, who will get to name the species if others are indeed found, has opted for the name Libbrovius Plameri.

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