My sensei had to take a day off so he asked me to take the class since I was the most comfortable with all the students and the little kids' parents. I had a senior brown belt there to help me aswell and I was about to start class, I noticed a few chunks of brown material on the floor. I ignored it for a while and during a break I went to the changeroom to grab myself some water.

When I came back I noticed the brown belt lookign inquisitively at the floor. I questioned him and he was like "sensei... there is a trail of brown material going from one side of the class to wehre the white belts stand."

I noticed that the once "Chunk" i had seen at the start of class was now a smear on the mats. And there were more smears aswell as half stepped on chunks leading to where the white belts stand. I called everyone back up and made it a point to tell them to stand exactly where they had stood at the start of class. Upon this, I told them to stay there and went to investigate the washroom.

Upon my entry i was met with a horrid stench that would have made tarzan's underarms jealous. I quickly ran for the lysol bottle and sprayed probably half the bottle in there.

Upon dumbing down the stench a fair amount i proceeded to caustiosly travel further into the washroom towards the toilet. Upon lookign in, i was met with a horrid mix of what seemed to be groundbeef mixed with some still whole (no joke here) peas.

I immediately ran back into the class, making it a point to take the long way to let the odour out of my gi a little bit and proceded to follow the trail of browness to the whitebelts.

Upon doing so, I ordered them all into kipodachi (sp?) or horse stance i guess it can be called. Upon further investigation of the students' gi's, (a very unpleasent and ackward experiance mind you) I was shocked to find absolutely not one student with a brown stain on their rear areas or down their legs.

So how does one take a crap in their pants, walk aroudn with it enough to let the chunks fall otu of their pants, and end up 1) not smelling, 2) without a trace of gump on their gi's?

needless to say the dojo was shut down for one day while we fully cleaned up and sanitized the place...

two weeks later, this happened again, and once again we were unable to find the culprit. However this time my sensei was also presetn to witness the miracle since he was having a hard tiem believeing me (and trying to speak without laughing too much).

We are yet to find the person who committed these crimes but it has been two months and no similar event has occured...

The particular class I was teaching had a bunch of white belts aged about from the youngest being 6 and the oldest around 12. The rest of the students were above that. Its usually tough to teach them katas and fighting techniques when their that young so we usually play teamwork based games and stuff with them before their old enoguh to learn "karate".

Hopefully it wasn't one of the brown belts since they are all above 15 years of age and hopefulyl potty trained

I did Judo for two months. To get me up to speed, they kept pairing me up with black belts. Including the instructor, we had 5 black belts. Two of them were interesting characters. The one guy was from Eastern Europe and went WAY to hard at everything. They would have me randori with the black belts every so often. Not going all out to see if I could hold my own against them, but just enough so that I could get the feel of moving around with people who had the techniques down. This European guy would annihilate me when we'd randori. I barely knew how to break falls and he would come in and beat me like I owed him money. When the sensei paired me up with him to learn some ne-waza, I knew things were going to get ugly. I didn't know much aside from a few submission holds I'd seen in books and that wasn't going to do me much good. We'd kneel down, bow, and before I knew it, I was upside down, backwards and being strangled by my gi. Sometimes my hands would be tied up and I'd have problems tapping. I had to struggle to get my leg somewhere near the ground so I could tap out with my foot. I actually learned the most from training with this guy, even though he treated every sparring session as an assassination attempt against me.

The other guy was an older gentleman. He was a nice old man. He tried to help me as much as possible. What was the problem you ask? This guy REEKED of old, stale cigarettes. It was enough to gag a maggot. If there's one thing I learned about myself through these classes, it was that I could hold my breath for much longer than I ever thought possible. He had a gi that was stained beyond recognition too. I always prayed that they wouldn't pair me up with him. They always did. Sometimes he would show my some ne waza and I wanted to tap just from his odor. When he'd put me in holds, I wanted to vomit.

The rest of the class consisted of 12-14 year olds and one 16 year old. I'm 20. I REALLY didn't feel comfortable having to randori with a 12 year old girl. I was always afraid I would fall on her and crush her. The other kids acted like kids with the exception of the 16 year old. I liked working with him. He had been training for quite some time. He was a brown belt. He knew when to do what when we would randori. He didn't kill me, but he went hard enough that I had no choice but to improve a bit. Every so often, he'd allow me to get a throw off on him. I learned a lot from him.

There was a younger kid in that class (a 12 year old boy) who had the worst attention deficit in the world. I have a dissociative disorder and this kid still outclassed me. We'd be training in ne-waza and he'd just start rambling and trying to drive on me. If I said that wasn't a bit unnerving, I'd be lying.

There was a 13 year old girl there that was almost as tall as I am (5'9") and outweighed my by a decent sum. She never spoke and she didn't even attempt to fight back when she'd randori. She was like a log. She'd just let you pull of whatever throw you wanted. However, she was deathly afraid of throws which caused her to flip over, such as Ippon seoinage. If you attempted that on her, she'd freak out and counter it by planting you on the ground. I never thought a 13 year old could manhandle me the way that this girl did when I attempted a seionage on her.

Similar to Mistro's story, at my old dojang we had a similar student, around maybe 10-11, who before class decided to relieve themselves on the dojang floor. Unfortunatly he had caught a virus that was going around and that was the reason fo the accident, but diharea is diharea......-Karl

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A true warrior wins the battle before it begins.

I've had a few doozies. Luckily never had to clean up the brown stuff, but there have definitely been puddles. Boy, oh boy, have there been puddles. One time it happened during the belt testing. Kudos to the kid becuase he still came back after that mortifying experience.Most of the adult students are pretty good. Some of the kids though...wow. ADHD to the extreme. The kids white belt class is my own personal hell. Three particular kids, when in the same class, become demons of the tenth order. One day, when there were no assistants to help me, I had a white a belt class of twenty with these three boys in it. I'm still traumatized. One of the boys (who is 4 years old and has no attention span whatsoever - personally I think he is too immature for martial arts) really made my day by calling me a stupid-head in front of the whole class. I think that day ranks as one of my personal worst...ever.Regarding adults, the worst problem is the chronic gas of a couple of the guys. It's the worst when we do any abdominal conditioning. P-U!

lol...I certainly don't envy all of the teachers/baby sitters out there changing toddlers gi-diapers in between nap times. you DO realize that while you call it teaching 'martial arts' to preschoolers, what you are actually doing is providing a playgym at a fraction of the cost of an actual playgym - hence a possible reason parents decide to drop their toddlers in a kidojo. around this area, we have an actual playgym called 'kidsports' that doesn't need to masquarade as a lil' ninja school or anything since they have qualified and trained staff to teach preschoolers without requiring that they wear costumes with illusionary rank prizes. The kids are introduced to all different types of sports and the staff are trained or are college students in early childhood development fields....they even know how to change diapers and deal with 'accidents'.

so anyone saying that toddlers/young kids are 'the worst students ever' needs a reality check and should peek their own diaper....the youngins aren't bad students - they are just at the wrong place with unqualified staff. kids younger than 2nd grade are better served with a variety of introductory sport activities at qualified playgyms not dojo lil dragon programs that are just looking to increase monthly revenue.

think about that next time you are moping up formula and stomach acid or have to stop class while someone tantrums for their binky or next belt color.

well in our dojo we have this one guy whos about 16, the funny bit is that at orange belt level( like me ) he knows almost nothing of the art, and when we spar he goes into a ridiculous mortal kombat stance (scorpion) , with the fist beghind the head and other hand dropped low, and he bounces around like its tekken lol, its incredibly funny to watch lol..if anyone played mortal kombat theyll know what i mean :D:D

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"They say the only way to kill a lion is with a rear naked choke, but I'd just kick it in the head"