With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, she is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert on Fox 5 San Diego and YourTango.com.

How to Tame the Inner Critic

You’ve mentioned that people experience their critic differently… How does it show up differently for each person?

The inner critic is inescapable. We can’t eradicate it, but we can learn to engage powerfully with it. Some people have specific words that their critic says. Others feel an essence when their critic is present.

What if you can’t separate yourself from your inner critic?

Separate the part of yourself that’s inner critic, trying to keep you safe, from the intuitive/authentic brilliant self, the part of you that knows what’s best for you. That part of us is often atrophied. The first step is awareness. Recognize that the voices are so deeply intertwined, we don’t know whose voice is speaking.

Another way to separate yourself from the inner critic is to use what I call the Scientific Perspective: observe yourself from the outside. Ask yourself questions about your choices and what’s going on in your head. Ask what you really want. Are you uncomfortable? Dissect what’s going on.

If someone knows their inner critic is running the show, what’s the first step they can take to change that?

N Notice and name what you’re feeling. We need to acknowledge what we’re feeling. A Ask yourself what’s behind this emotion and what’s the healthiest way for me to address it. C Choose our behavior. Don’t stay in behavior that’s fodder for the inner critic. Choose your self-talk. Journal about it. Choose different behavior and kinder self-talk. Progressive language, like “I’m exploring what I would like to…”

What advice do you have for people who want to go on their last first date?

It’s about standing 100% strong on your must-haves and non-negotiables. Be really clear about what’s acceptable and what’s not. Your inner critic will say you’re too picky. Or that what you want is impossible. It is possible to find love. You just might need to reframe how you’re talking to yourself. And discover your must-haves and non-negotiables. If you don’t, you’ll take on projects and date potential.

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