When We Talk About the Female Orgasm

The way we spend our days is the way we spend our lives. Similarly, the way we discuss something is often the way we come to see it as a whole. I was curious how some of the books on my shelves referenced the female orgasm. In particular, why is it that when I think of the female orgasm, certain things seem to come to mind? I’ve always felt as though there was a certain air of difficulty to the female orgasm. To that, I feel that much of the conversation around the orgasm is surrounded in some sort of mystery. What is it? How does it work? How does one obtain an orgasm?

I started by pulling out a stack of books from my shelf that referenced orgasms.

This is how female orgasms were listed in the indexes of the books shown.

Some of these books were required for courses, some were borrowed from friends (hello, I have your books!) and some were found on the street. Fucking Portland.

In order of how frequently they were mentioned in book indexes, these six topped the charts:

Faking Orgasms

G-Spot Orgasms

Clitoral Vs. Vaginal Orgasms

Physiological Mechanisms

Sexual Fantasies

Multiple Orgasms

This didn’t surprise me. A lot of functional knowledge and a lot of social interest.

The other subjects discussed were:

orgasms in animals

continual orgasms

fickleness of orgasms

prostitution and orgasms

health and orgasms

oxytocin and orgasms

simultaneous orgasms

hooking up and orgasms

sexual dysfunction and orgasms

difficulty achieving orgasms

function of orgasms

testosterone therapy and and orgasms

orgasms in adult/child sex

dildos and orgasms

hormones and orgasms

kinsey and orgasms

orgasms during labor or childbirth

pornography and orgasms

infants and children and orgasms

orgasms in lesbians

orgasms in marital sex

orgasms after menopause

mutual orgasms

phantom orgasms

rapid orgasms

sexual satisfaction and orgasms

orgasms during sleep

orgasms with vibrator

alcohol and orgasms

anorgasmia

aging and orgasms

ejaculation and orgasms

inexperience with orgasms

multiple orgasms

oxytocin levels

sexual response cycle

Obviously certain books focused on certain subjects. There wasn’t extensive information about hormones in all of the books, but there was in sexual pharmacology. Books like She Comes First focus more on what actually happens regarding pleasure during an orgasm whereas books like Sex at Dawn might talk about the purpose of an orgasm.

A lot of the information was condensed to make it easier to understand. There seems to be a lot of assumption that the female orgasm is:

1- Something that ends sexual intercourse

2 – The general purpose of sexual intercourse

3 – A failure of the body or a failure of pleasure (in not achieving)

I also found it interesting that there was a lot of focus given on the different types or orgasms women might have. G-spot, vaginal, clitoral, orgasms while we’re asleep, orgasms when we’re married, orgasms when we’re old. We want to know more more more about what exactly the orgasm is and how we can have it. No big surprise.

I think a lot of the issue with orgasms is this pressure we put on orgasms. To make them bigger and stronger and more powerful and just on time!

I didn’t see much in the books about the actual process of achieving an orgasm. The actual stimulation. The actual arousal. The actual physical act of having sex or masturbating.

There actually seemed to be a pretty big gap between “I’m aroused” and “I’m orgasming” and I found myself lingering there, wondering how we influence our orgasms between points A and B.