Saturday, January 31, 2015

Abcde is a Girls Name

Update 1/12 – 1/18

Due to the psychedelic infused
Malaria medicine combined with jetlag, my week consisted of forcing myself to
stay up until 7PM every night, walking up every 2-3 hours and having the most
vivid dreams that I was so completely my awkward self that I was convinced that
they had happened. With that in mind
this might be a more brief that the previous updates.

My first night back, I went to
the grocery store in attempt to start my new, post Cambodia life-style where I
only eat from around the outside of the grocery store. On my way to my car, I turned around to see
Becky and Jared and I screamed in fright.

Me: We should walk, my car is a
little cramped with the baby seat in the back.

Christy: Why do you have a baby
seat in your car?

Me: Well, you know everyone is
either pregnant or have a baby around me and I was just feeling so jealous of
not being inconvenienced that I decided that I should spend money on someone
other than myself, and feel what my life would be like…

This went on for quite some time
until finally, Christy was like, no seriously, why?

Dawne’s Aunt Elizabeth is in
town to keep Diana company while she’s dealing with a lot of medical stuff. I
offered up my car, and Dawne had bought a baby seat so we put it in my car in
case we needed to drive Diana and Harper in a pinch. Which would totally work if my car wasn’t a
Fiat and can only hold a passenger or a baby seat, but not so much both. In other news, Daphne started walking!!

One night I was guilt-ed into I
stayed up past 7PM to play Guillotine for the first time. As Zach was explaining the rules, only
Elizabeth had a question: “Piss Boy” is considered a noble?

Nater: I’m taking your
controller… unless you were going to have friends over?

Me: Kelly has her own
controller. Hey, it's happened.

Nater: I know, that's why I
asked.

I went for a lovely walk with
Dr. Rach on Saturday around (or at least partially around) greenlake followed
some breakfast. As we were crossing the
street.

Dr. Rach: Don't go now.

Me: How about now.

Dr. Rach: No! Now is worse.

We had a flood up in the yellow house
and realized it when the carpenter came to fix the woodwork damaged from the
heroin addict break in. Later that day,
Jordan picked up his phone, to say, “Hi Paco! …. No, I didn’t go up there. I
was afraid to.”

My favorite part of this week
was a text convo (with names removed for privacy.)

E: Soooooo, I just found out……
I’m having a boy!

Me: yayayayayay! (Family emoji)

A: Wahoo! Congratulations! And
good thing I still have boy baby shower items to decorate with! Is ----- still
the dad?

E: J It’s so exciting! Good thinking, A. Yep, ---- is most def the father. Phew!

Me: I’ve already bought him two
drum sets.

A: One for upstairs and one for
down – excellent thinking, Tiff! (clapping emoji)

E: Wow, gee, thanks? (worried
emoji)

O: Yay!! Congrats. Can’t wait to meet lil Espn Cash ----.

Me: Yup you can take that off
the registry.

A: I thought his name was going
to be Huntin?

E: We kinda had our hearts set
on Abcde.

O: Don’t be foolish, that’s a
girl’s name.

A: Lol

Me: Or… Hijk with a Spanish
accent.

O: Do you ever want that baby to
get on a plane!?!? Especially if he’s a famous drummer.

E: Oh wow, I didn’t realize it
was only for girls. But isn’t cool right
now to mix gender norms.

Me: So fetch.

O: I think Espn is more
masculine. You don’t want to give the
little dude a complex.

Me: Hmmmmm I’ve also bought him
all the princess movies.

E: Yeah, that’s definitely more
masculine. Or what about Cinemax? He can
go by Max. Am I doing this modern baby
name thing right?

E: Tiff, That’s perfect. He’ll
be well rounded.

O: Climax would be better. It marries your love of climbing and the cute
nickname Max!!

O: Tiff gives the best gifts!

E: Oh it’s perfect.

Me: Just go with “Doctor.”

O: Doctor Climax ---- does have
a nice ring to it.

A: Cinemax/Max is Perfect! Now,
do you get the feeling he’ll end up marrying Lily or June? Keep in mind Lily would want to tie him to a
tree.

E: And then when he gets his
doctorate, he’ll be Dr. Doctor Climax ----.

O: This is coming together
perfectly!

Me: Monogramming the drum sticks
now.

E: Lol

O: Damn Tiff, you’re good.

E: A, if he’s a climber, he may
be tying himself to a tree. Maybe he’d
be into it.

O: We’ll have to see if Lily has
the same tastes in younger men like Auntie A.

E: Her mind is still
impressionable. We can influence her to
satisfy our schemes.

Me: Having kids is fun!

O: We’re the best.

A: We ARE the best. Doctor Climax is lucky! As is Lily. I’ll let her have my older women, younger men
book. Maybe as an elementary school graduation
present.

O: This is all coming together
so wonderfully!

A: And O, to answer your
question – Reno is proving to be filled with LOTS of Texans in glitzy
outfits. Not sure if the drunk girl in
stilettos who was lurking on our hotel floor was a hooker or just someone doing
an early walk of shame at 10PM. Looking
forward to seeing what Friday night holds!

Me: I didn’t know you were in
Reno! How many times have you gotten married without me!?

A: Funny that you should say
that! There is a wedding chapel in our hotel and I want to renew our vows and
--- thinks that idea is ridiculous. I
said we haven’t gotten married in 2015 yet so why not? He said it’s only been 4
months since the last one. I don’t think
that’s a good enough reason.