Betty Ford Drinks
to Husband's Health

By Treat Warland

Rancho Mirage, CA - Former President Gerald Ford is expected to
recover fully from a stroke he suffered on Wednesday, said wife Betty
Ford, who credited his recovery to the "healing vibes" she
is sending out by continually drinking to his health.

Mrs. Ford, a recovering alcoholic
who launched the famous Betty Ford Center for substance abuse, also
gave credit to doctors and her husband's stamina, but noted there
was nothing that could "get the mojo working" like a healthy
highball.

Speaking to Matt Lauer, a co-anchor on NBC's Today Show, the former
first lady was questioned about falling off the wagon, an accusation
she dismissed.

"Oh no no no, I don't drink anymore, but this is a special
occasion!" said Mrs. Ford, scrabbling for and finding a bottle
of Smirnoff she had hidden behind a signed copy of Nixon's memoirs
on a bookshelf. She offered Lauer a swig, but he refused.

"Now c'mon. Don't be a spoily-woily sport," she admonished,
pouting her lips and waving her index finger. "Drink to my Gerry."

"Here's to ya, ya ollllll.... coot!" said Mrs. Ford on
her third toast, raising her glass in the general direction of a
portrait of the 38th president.

By her 8th toast -- "Here's to my One-Year Wonder!" --
Mrs. Ford announced that her husband was feeling much better. Her
next three toasts, directed at an armoire, were unintelligible.

The health-inducing drinking went on until press time, when Mrs.
Ford handed Katie Couric a $20 and asked her to "be a good girl" and
run down to the corner store for some ripple "so my Gerry can
come home."