Hamptons Police Blotter: Cattle Drive, Throwback Day

Cattle Drive Postponed
The annual cattle drive from Montauk to points west has been postponed indefinitely, and as a result Montauk Highway—which was scheduled to be closed to all traffic for the entirety of this weekend—will be open to the public. Police, who had already begun erecting barricades and placing detour signs, were scrambling to remove the potentially confusing barriers and directional signs. According to the official report, the cattle drive postponement is related to the fact that there are no cattle in Montauk, and thus no clear reason to close Montauk Highway to make way for cattle.

Throwback Day Is Thursday, June 11
Local police forces have agreed to and announced the date of this year’s Throwback Day. This has become a local tradition—to set aside a special day for police to enforce only those laws that were on the books 50 years ago, including laws that have since been repealed.

This year, police have settled on Thursday, June 11 for this 24-hour return to legal yesteryear. From the police statement: “Throwback Day has become a beloved local tradition, and we are happy to bring this special treat to the residents we serve, knowing they will act responsibly and treat it in the spirit it is intended—a fun walk down memory lane!”

Among the exciting features of Throwback Day 2015:
1. Dog owners will not be required to clean up after their animals. They will be allowed to leave their dog’s excrement where it falls.
2. Smokers will not be required to remove themselves from public spaces in order to smoke and will be allowed to light up with impunity in most locations. This privilege will be extended to cigarette, cigar and pipe smokers.
3. Motorists may drive un-inspected cars without wearing a seatbelt if they desire. Sorry—insurance will still be required.
4. Everyone will be allowed to burn leaves and/or garbage in their yards.
5. The drinking age will be 18.
6. Men will be allowed to engage in sexual banter with, and make unwanted sexual advances toward, female co-workers without restriction or fear of being accused of harassment.
7. Women will not be allowed to use credit cards issued in their own names, but will be permitted to use cards issued in their husbands’ names.
8. Employers will be allowed to terminate female employees who are pregnant.