Two men who are out walking their dogs meet on a street corner. One says to the
other, "Boy it sure is hot today. I'd really like to go into the bar and get a
beer, but the sign on the front door says, "No Pets Allowed," and I can't leave
Fido alone on the street."

The other man replies, "No problem, just stand by the door and watch me, and you'll
be having that beer real soon!" The second man reaches into his pocket and puts on a
pair of dark sunglasses, and then walks into the bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The
man says, "But I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!" The bartender says, "Oh,
okay then." The man drinks his beer and leaves.

The first man then puts on dark sunglasses and goes into the bar. The bartender
looks up and says, "Hey buddy, you can't bring that dog in here!" The man says, "But
I'm blind, and this is my seeing-eye dog!"

The bartender says, "Oh really? I've never heard of a Chihuahua seeing-eye dog!"

The man, thinking quickly, blurts out, "Oh, man! You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and
said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and
watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old
girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV,
but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up
your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old
girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house,
driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white
TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

Note: She was continually getting her head stuck in the fence, so we decided to duct tape a length of wood to her horns, so that she couldn't even fit her head through the fence. This contraption was known as the Crown of Shame, and after a few weeks, we removed it. She hasn't put her head through the fence since.

An actual Christmas display at a store I was in. This is wrong on so many levels...