Are we awake or dreaming? Perhaps we are dreaming we are awake? Maybe yesterday we were dreaming or tomorrow we'll be awake. Whether awake or dreaming our consciousness as an integral part of existence goes on. Here is where I try to sort out my understanding of what just is. Namaste!

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Sunday, June 26, 2016

Beneficial Conflict

Constructive conflict is actually quite beneficial.If you choose to engage in it fully present
and by engaging in it fully present I mean that you are not reacting on
autopilot from some past egoic wounding, are not triggered and can listen and
communicate effectively, you can actually use the conflict to build compassion
and understanding for yourself, for others and gosh, for the world at
large.So, let me explain something and
I won’t go too deep because I’ve got other blog posts that deal with this – if
you are triggered into reacting, that urge to bite back has nothing to do with
the present but rather is a piece of you living in the past.You can’t win a present day battle (of sorts)
while you are stuck in the past seething or grieving for something you can’t
fully comprehend.Like a dog who has
been hit with a shoe by a former abusive owner, in a new, loving and healthy
environment, if the dog is still flinching when its owners put on their shoes,
the poor doggie is still caught in the past and is not fully present and open
to receiving the wonderful love and comfort her new owners have to give
her.Likewise, if you are trapped in the
past trying to deal with present day conflict, how on Earth are you ever going
to be able to spot genuine love and constructive criticism that will help you
in life?You won’t because you’ll be too
closed off in pain to recognize it.So,
the pause I speak of will give you a moment to disengage from the past, the
triggers and the pain and give you an opportunity to see things fresh and clear
in order to respond.

We are so very amazing that we will do anything to heal
ourselves.Sometimes a current day
battle was chosen by you unconsciously – you chose people in your present life
similar to those in your past to help you see the wounding you still
carry.You won’t be able to see that if
you are caught up in the past emotion of it but you’ll feel that triggered
response and if you disengage, you may see that trigger and have a moment to go
back and ask yourself, what do I need to comfort THAT.? Then, you can ask about
the present day conflict – what do I need now in this situation?Separating the past from the present can be
difficult if you lack the awareness to see a trigger from an old wound versus
uncomfortable conflict in your present day reality.Know this, everyone is reacting from the past
at some level and when you separate your own past from someone else’s in a
heated moment of conflict, you have the chance to rise above it for both of
you.Now, you both have to be willing to
go and if you are, much can be faced openly- you can take the opportunity to grow.But if you don’t pause and become aware of your own reaction, you won’t
see the pain someone else is likely in when they’ve spoken up and taken action
either physically or verbally to wreck your world in a moment.

You can choose not to react and begin to ask them questions
to give yourself a better frame to work within as well.Simple questions like:

1.Who said or did X?

2.What do you mean exactly?

3.When did that occur?

4.Where did you see this?

5.Why do you say that or what makes you think
that?

6.How do you think we can resolve this?

7.I need a moment to consider what you’ve
said.Can we pick this up later today or
tomorrow when cooler heads can prevail?

Rather than mounting an epic and justified defense and
getting sucked into the drama, consider using these questions to help the other
person clearly specify the real issue at the heart of the matter rather than
assuming and reacting.Use the Who,
What, When, Where, Why and How in an earnest way to understand the point of the
other without making any assumptions.If
you assume, you’ll just be projecting your psychology as they may be doing.So ask questions – what makes you say
that?How do you come to this
understanding?Why would you assume
rather than ask me?The answers could
provide you with some invaluable insight into your own behavior as well as the
behavior of others.Be honorable and act
with integrity here if you wish to grow.Pushing buttons is for the fearful and woefully wounded.

Getting to the heart of conflict is meaningful and
eye-opening work.Reacting to the
assumptions, name-calling and the negative aspects of conflict is just
draining. There is another side that you need to be aware of too.For some, they cannot get themselves out of
the past and will continue to engage in behavior you may find attacking,
demeaning, unsupportive or belittling.Realize something right this moment – that IS THEIR PSYCHOLOGY and it
has nothing to do with you. Through asking questions, you can determine what it
is you are truly dealing with and then you can make choices that are best for
you – quietly and gently respond rather than reacting spooled up with
emotion.You may have to decide if this
is habitual behavior from someone who won’t get themselves some help or if this
is actually a cry for help or understanding.You need your wits about you because I will tell you – the zombie
apocalypse has nothing to do with half dead people walking around seeking
brainzzzz….giggles.The zombies, in my
mind, are poor human souls mired in the illusion of a very painful past. They
don’t need brainzzzz, (e.g., a battle) they need love and understanding, they need
a gentle awakening and much kindness and care.In their zombie state, it will be hard to get through.If you become very strong and learn not to
react to their drama and wish to respond to it and feel you can live with it
without become drenched in their psychology or reinforcing your own, knock
yourself out – that is admirable.If you
can’t, set a boundary and make new choices.Heck, if you’re the zombie – hey, we’ve all been there and that’s okay.
There is a way out that doesn’t equate to continually engaging in the same
arguments day after day and getting the same results.You can love yourselves free of the past, get
yourselves some psychological assistance and beginning living today.

The bottom line:

·You are responsible for your triggers and that
isn’t about blame, it is about understanding and learning to hold
self-compassion.

·When you are triggered, it is the past knocking
at your door. You do get to decide whether or not you will open it or keep it the door open.

·To resolve the past conflict, get present and
clear so you can truly see the present conflict. The two are very likely intertwined but you'll need to be clear and present to resolve the present conflict first and then the understanding it brings may help you resolve the conflict of the past or at least reconcile your thoughts on it.

·Be willing to inquire rather than assume and
that will get you closer to the truth about you and about the other party.

·You don’t have to engage in the psychology and drama of
others.You can walk away without doing
battle with the emotionally wounded.

·You can love yourself enough to allow yourself
to be calm and present.

·Being calm and present allows you to show love
and respect not only to yourself, but others as well.

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About Dream In Time

Jaie Hart combines her spiritual vision
and intuitive insights with the world through her successful book series,
popular blog and her websites. As an author of international repute, she has
published over 19 books, including Changing Perspectives, Expanding Horizons,
Awakening from the Dream, So, It's Over. Now What? and Life - The Journey
Continues. In addition, she has also published her 'Reflections' series of
poetry books. Jaie's worldview combines the profoundly philosophical with
everyday psychological aspects of the human condition. As a Mother, Intuitive,
Reverend, Doctor of Philosophy with a focus on Metaphysical Counseling
(University of Sedona) and Reiki Master, she informs her works with a profound
wisdom that never preaches, but rather takes her readers and clients through
the troubles of the day with a deft assuredness that reinforces all that is
positive. One central aspect of her work is her belief in reinforcing
"Life Lessons" as a way to improve one's situation. For Jaie, life's
lessons must be learned to avoid having to repeat them, and it is this central
theme which underpins her work. The intent behind her work is assisting people
to see what is meaningful and possible throughout the world, and she operates
as a spiritual catalyst for those who wish to shift their perspective.

Jaie is currently working on a study of "Life Lessons" as well as other
works.Please visit http://jaiehart.com to learn more.