There are six levels of fatness. Big, healthy, husky, fluffy, dayumn!, and oh HAYLL no! But while in Lakeland, Florida, I found a SEVENTH level. It’s called “Spencer,” and it’s only seen in cats. Even I wanted to look at this cat and say “get on a treadmill.”

I hate to admit it, but that would probably be my reaction if some girl called for my ‘hide in his room and don’t interact with other people” 20-something son. Nice kid, just scared to take the risk of actually dating someone

‘Days of Future XYZ’, kind of no matter where you find it, is a reference to the original X-Men plot, ‘Days of Future Past’. Of course, I can’t imagine anyone not knowing this after the movie, so maybe ‘FatFat’ is a Fire Emblem reference, but …

Just as panic or fear can give adrenaline-fueled strength, enough for a mother to lift a car off of her child, James’ Mom has the strength to lift her cat off the five other cats that it was probably covering.

I don’t know, if a sister is doing time travel Tarra seems like the best guess. I’d say Tarra experiments with time travel and attempts to send a single hair back in time. It succeeded, but became sentient, and somewhat insane. So I’d put James as closer to Ellie’s nephew from that stance.

Alternately, maybe James’ mom is Future Anise, who fled into the past in order to escape Future Tarra. The nose looks a bit closer. She would have given Tarra a post-chemo hair cut and then fled to the past to denying Tarra payback after she beat cancer to death and desecrated its remains. It’d also explain why Tarra bee-lined it for Anise, in an attempt to kill her before said haircut and rob her of both victories.
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She could have normalized a bit after becoming a mother. Having known an Anise or two, the only difference I’ve seen is the ones who have pets collect more than just cats. Maybe after Ellie leaves we’ll get a Joker moment (Jack Nicholson), where she wipes off the flesh-colored make-up to reveal tattoos.

It’s going to be really sad for his mom when Ellie doesn’t go out with him again. He’s nice but she’s basically doing this for a job and hopefully Ellie can give him the steps to getting girls on his own.

Step #1: Move out of your parents house because the mother is crazy and there are too many cats. Step #2:…uh confidence really.

Honestly, he just needs to get out of that house, it (and maybe somehow being a bigger nerd than I am) is killing his lady cred.

There are judgement aspects past confidence. I could see, “Calm down, and for the rest of the date I’m going to hit you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper when you start spazing out too much” being helpful.

I also got a letter from Patreon’s Jack ( can’t remember his last name.) referencing the spoofed scam mail and how ludicrous it would have been for the blackmailer to have all of the information that he claims to have in his little illegitimately grubbing hands. Who cried crocodile tears when she couldn’t grub, along with her husband Hank.

Anyway. I wrote Patreon about finding out what to do about the blackmailer, as well as looking up information about my own police department’s departments that may or may not handle this type of crime.

Aw, I’m disappointed a letter from Jack wasn’t a Fight Club reference.

Your local police dept is unlikely to do anything aside from maybe pass it on and more likely tell you who to better report to. At this time it’d be an online threat and attempted fraud, but nothing successful, so without someone in their jurisdiction suffering actual harm and the perpetrator likely in another jurisdiction, they aren’t likely to pursue themselves. Your state attorney general office likely pays attention to fraud and fraud attempts in your state and will have a place to forward a report. The FTC and/or FBI should have places to send it too. None of those three are likely to be real active about pursuing it, but they will collect and pay attention to how many they get, and the more they get the more likely they’ll put resources into going after the person responsible. When you pass it along to any authority you should forward both the fraudulent and real e-mails as attachments (just normal forward will lose the e-mail headers, and possibly if they tried doing anything tricky in the e-mail itself), to give an example of the fake and real e-mail (should be mismatch in headers).

As a patron and not a creator, the only financial info that Patreon should have for you is your credit card number. As long as you used a real credit card and since you live in the US, you have a maximum of $50 liability on fraud guaranteed by federal law. For market reasons, most banks make that $0 liability. So in that instance, all you have to do is watch your statement and contest the charges (call the number on the back of your card and it should be a menu option). That’s why Patreon has a deliberately low use card, so it’s easier for me to watch (I have another card that honestly a scammer could slip through some additional small purchases at gas stations or grocery stores I frequent and I probably wouldn’t notice). Additionally, if you want, you could pre-emptively call the number on the back of your card and go to the fraud dept from the menu and tell them about it (maybe it’ll change things, maybe not), but that honestly doesn’t matter if you watch your bill.

If you used a pre-paid card, I don’t know that you have any protection for the money on that card, so if you have enough on the card to care about, you might consider getting a new pre-paid card and draining what’s on the current one and swapping your Patreon payment method to the new one.

If you used a debit card, that’s a really bad idea and I’d immediately switch Patreon to either an actual credit card or a pre-paid card (you can buy them in gas stations, Wal-Mart, or similar for something like $5-$10 plus the money you put on it, but watch out as there’s a monthly fee so it’ll slowly drain, I heard American Express has a decent one, alternate name to pre-paid card is stored value card). After that, I’d go to your bank and request to get your debit card number changed and then NEVER use that new debit card for anything but ATM (especially never use on Internet or pay-at-the-pump gas pumps). The safety/danger of debit cards is all on the bank’s policies, so it’s possible it’s ok but I never trust them. I’d do all that even if I fully believed Patreon about what the hackers got.

If you were a creator and believed Patreon wasn’t being fully honest (for example, if their hackers might’ve had an ability to get the encryption keys for their stored encrypted tax info), then the appropriate thing to do would be the normal ID theft protection steps of I don’t quite remember the term but it’s either freezing or putting a fraud alert on your credit. Basically you contact the three credit agencies for yearly reports to contest things that don’t belong there and set up a password every three years so that they refuse any attempts to run your credit if you don’t pre-notify them with the password for that particular institution. The FTC should have a page explaining the options (or see next paragraph).

The other place you can report the scam (verbally) if you’d like, is Clark Howard and he’ll likely mention it on his show to warn other people and/or post it on his website, though with Patreon sending out the warning to all, the extra warning is less necessary. He does also give lots of advice on financial matters and I’m sure his website will have suggestions for any of the above even if you don’t report the scam to him and are worried about it.

Past that, the only thing to do is not follow any instructions the scammers sent you. Don’t open attachments or follow links, they’re likely to attempt to infect you with malware so they can actually steal more info from you (or they might go the cryptolocker route of encrypting your files and charging you for the decryption key). If you’re really unlucky, just reading their message could be enough to infect you, but I haven’t heard of drive-by downloads coming as part of mail messages as common, and I’d think it would be if it were easy to do (I guess some JavaScript might get stripped out or not processed by mail client or web host for you, and I don’t think they can embed Java, Flash, or PDF, and I think graphics library flaws generally require obviously bad graphics and are rarer). If your mail client supports it, it’s better to read questionable messages as plain text rather than HTML or rich text.

I am Jack’s hot Eastern European model who is inexplicably single and looking for love with foreign men via the internet. I would gladly marry you but require $4000 wired to me to cover a lawyer and fees to get into the country…