Should you confront ‘the other woman’?

I never understand why, when someone’s partner cheats, the person who has been hurt or wronged goes after the other woman (or man), rather than focusing on their partner, the real culprit.

Sure, the mistress isn’t the classiest broad in the bunch, but if she was single and looking when she met your boyfriend/husband/partner, then she’s not the one doing the cheating. Your partner, on the other hand, is.

This story looks at whether you should confront the other woman, and what may happen if you do.

That makes me wonder, have any of you (man or woman) gone face-to-face with the “other”? If so, how did it work out?

73 Responses

As for why the hurt person focuses on the “other,” rather than her boyfriend/husband/partner, I think it’s a gut reaction. Almost territorial. Especially if you don’t see it coming. Suddenly, there is this threat to your happy home/life, and your immediate reaction is to confront the threat.

It takes time to realize what was really happening and get some perspective.

Yes. I was the gf of a man who was married, but said he wasn’t. It went on for 3 years and then the entire situation exploded. Not only did the wife and I meet to “compare notes” but ANOTHER girlfriend came out of the wood work as well. So not only was he cheating on his then wife, but was also cheating on me (and the wife) with someone else. It all came out because of FB, (no wonder he threw a fit when I said I had a FB account after he “forbade” me to get one). The FB story is for another day, but I did meet with the wife and we discussed how we were both being played. We compared our timelines, excuses, the questions of “did he go on this trip with you because he said he was golfing with work friends?” or “I saw him in a picture at a wedding but he said he did go with you, he just picked you up”. We realized we both got the same gifts for holidays and were promised the same future; house, kids etc. Her and I didn’t fight, argue, voices weren’t even raised. I was very upset, embarassed, she was more angry at him. At the end of the conversation, I continued to apologize, she said she didn’t hate me. When he found out we met, he said I wasn’t loyal to him and try to tell me the wife was lying. Little did he know, the wife and I stayed in touch and he was telling her the same thing. I was glad to have the conversation with her.

Yeah, I did once. I knew her in passing and found out what happened one night. We happened to be in the same bar a few nights later when I saw her so I sent her a drink. She came over to me to ask why and I just said, “Thanks for showing me his true colors – and yours.”

This mentality truly baffles me. The only reason one should EVER confront the “other person” is if it is a friend/relative/anyone you personally know… and also knows YOU as the significant other. Otherwise, you can not assume the “other person” even knows you exist. Like Kristi said, “…if she was single and looking when she met your boyfriend/husband/partner, then she’s not the one doing the cheating.” EXACTLY! I would never dream of confronting the other person. Let her have his cheat’n @ss!!

My boyfriend’s best friend actually participated in this very act, and then some… He found out his girlfriend of 3 years had been cheating with another guy (who she worked with) the entire time, and the guy was married. He not only confronted the guy, but also called the guys wife to let her know her husband was cheating. The result was not good… The wife already knew, and since they had kids she decided to turn a blind eye to the situation and to top it off she let HIM know it had been happening 2 years prior to THAT as well! He was devestated. But low and behold… he got back together with her a few weeks later. Crazy love fools!!

No, can’t say I’ve confronted her or had any desire to. It takes two to tango, so to speak. In my opinion they deserve each other. Lack of morals and/or conscience; one to be w/a married man and the other cheating on his wife. Right after he left and I found out the WHOLE truth, I just put it in God’s hands. I’m not a bible-thumper or attend church, but I do have faith. I believe everything happens for a reason. Seven months after he left I actually had him and “the other woman” to my annual x-mas eve party. I did this because my 8-year old daughter asked if I’d invite them. Was it awkward? ABSOLUTELY. Did I survive? Yep! Thankfully my house was large enough to keep segregated from them. I just don’t see how confronting the other woman can have any good come out of it, after all “confront” equals confrontation…. not good!

I was very casually dating a guy for about 2 months who was engaged – but i had NO idea. He lived about 40 minutse from where i lived and where he worked – so i never thought twice about not going to his house. Scary thing is we went out in public so many times together it was like he wasnt even afraid to be caught.

anyway, his fiance and i ended up having a mutual friend who put it all together and told me he was engaged. i immediately called him out on it, and never saw him again, but he denied it! She also told her friend about what was going on. The fiance called me and didnt believe a word i said, and he denied it too, even after i gave identifying factors i would not have known just seeing him in passing.

she finally did believe me, but stayed with him, got married, and divorced less than 6 months later as he was still continuing on with other girls. what a sick pig!

I would never choose to confront the “other”; however in my case, she confronted me. I ended up needing an order of protection to keep her from calling and threatening me. I guess she was angry that my partner & I chose to get couples counseling and keep our family intact. I’ve never regretted our decision. BUT, for a long time I regretted not meeting her and “having it out”. Now (5 years later), I’m glad I didn’t. It would’ve served no purpose.

I’ve never been in that situation, thank goodness, but now that I’ve been married for 6 years, my ideas on what I would do if boyfriend was cheating on me has changed.

There are women who go after guys with wedding rings. If that happened to me and my husband and I was ever around the woman; I would certainly go all “Dynasty” and slap the stuffing out of her.

Fortunately, I don’t think my husband would ever fall for one of those. If it did happened, I would most likely divorce him with some aggression, but I might not. Prior to marriage, I was 100% in favor of dumping cheaters. After marriage, i realize a lot of work goes into making it work and so now I’m about 85 – 90% sure I’d leave him.

I did and do not regret it one bit. I found a birthday card to him from the other woman next to the anniversary card I never got. It had her email addresses, her phone numbers both at home and at work and I also found out where she worked. I went the email route. Glad I did. I had been miserable in my marriage and that was the kick in the pants I needed to get the heck out!

It happened to me once… a woman contacted me by email because she had hacked into his account and saw our correspondance. Thing was, she went after me as though I was the one stealing her boyfriend, when the truth was, I was the one being cheated on. I had a five year relationship with this man up to that point, and she had only been with him for six months….and she came after me as though I was the homewrecker of her relationship with him. It wasn’t a pretty scene.

If you choose to confront the other woman, first make sure that you are the one being cheated on and not the other way around…

I’ve not been cheated on (as far as I know), so I don’t have personal experience to back this up. I would hope that I could handle it like an adult.

I would probably say something to the the other woman, just in case she didn’t know. I know guys who are smooth enough that they could keep a relationship (girlfriend or wife) hidden to get something extra, so she may have been played and actually is a nice woman who doesn’t deserve this either. If I find out that she knew and still went with it… then it would be in the hands of the universe (I hope I could do that).

The cheater, however, would be in a world of trouble… possibly counseling if the relationship was worth it otherwise.

You are not going to believe this one. A while back I had a boyfriend who I suspected of cheating. His best friend, who I had become friends with through the relationship, ratted him out to me because he thought I deserved better than that.
I confronted the boyfriend and he said no I would never do that and I said I didn’t believe him… so he gave me the phone number to the girl and told me to call her and ask her.
So I called, and she told me how long they had been having relations (of which I was not with him so he had to “service his car” elsewhere), and told me that I had called a few times when they had been together and he had told her that I was just a desperate friend going through a hard time.
Oh yes, he was dumb enough to think she would lie too. Needless to say, the break up was not pretty, and she stayed with him.

Because my family lives on secrets, I only got this story a little at a time. Apparently my sister was the other woman with an older man (that’s for another time!). His wife came to her and told her she wasn’t the first and won’t be the last and she was wasting her time with him and should move on. Good advice if you ask me! I think my sister went back to him a couple of times after that – but that was probably 20 years ago.

I’ve had 2 ex-husbands, both who left me for the Other Woman. Both times I had been introduced to “her” before the split. Both times I had my suspicions. Both times but didn’t confront or wig-out at them. I tried to keep it classy and be civil with “her”.

Long stories of what happened with each one, but that’s for another time. Maybe if I ever get to another OTE meetup…

Turns out that neither of the ex’s ended up with the Other Woman. My guess is after they realized what ever they had been told about me did not match how I acted towards them or when they were around, they suddenly changed their minds about dating him.

I see no need for confrontation, in fact the worst luck any man can have is when his wife and GF/mistress become friends.

#4 I totally agree. The only reason you would have to confront the other person would be if they are a friend/relative. Otherwise, the other person is not the one intentionally hurting you, it’s the person in a relationship with you. He/she put you in this position not the other person.
Another note I wouldn’t go making friends with the other person. If that person knew about the relationship they don’t have any morals either. Either person wouldn’t be worth my time!

‘I never understand why, when someone’s partner cheats, the person who has been hurt or wronged goes after the other woman (or man), rather than focusing on their partner, the real culprit.’ – That question goes right up there with, ‘What’s the meaning of life?’
and ‘Who killed 2Pac?’ – we’ll just never know. The mistress (mister?) doesn’t owe you anything, they never vowed to be faithful to you, they aren’t committed to you, they’ve never said they loved you or have any real reason to care about your feelings at all, why should you go after them? Your partner effed up and is the one your anger and frustration should be aimed at.

Plus, go barking up the wrong tree and you might get something you didn’t expect, your ass kicked.

Ugh, yes. I was a freshman in college, scorned by my high school boyfriend. I was too hurt to think clearly and place ALL of the blame on my then boyfriend as it should have been. I had met “the other woman” before so at the time I just thought even lower of her because she knew he wasn’t single. I was in the car with 2 girlfriends driving through one of the college populated areas of Albany. I just happened to spot the girl walking and without thinking I jumped right out of the car walked up to her and told her what I thought of her. I don’t know who was more stunned my girlfriend whose moving vehicle I had just jumped out of or the guy that was accompanying the girl that evening. Not a proud moment.

There is no blame. People fall in love under all sorts of circumstances. God does not expect us to be perfect. He only expects us to have a heart.

It amazes me that people are so judgmental more so today than in the 70′s, 80′s and even 90′s. People state they are bi-sexual, which includes engaging in sexual activity with two people and no one blinks an eye. I call it hypocritical. No one should call anyone unless there is a real reason to call. However, sometimes, the spouses of those who feel cheated on end up fighting it out; not the actual “Cheaters.”

ladies please confront the other woman,(preperabgly in a jello filled tub, or oil filled tub something of that vein) and as far as myself, the one and only time ive every had that drama is when a girls old boyfirend wouldnt let go of her even though i had her, so
we”confronted” him by leaving the phone off the hook and treated him to the sounds of, well you know, problem solved!

I think Sue hit the nail on the head: ‘Suddenly, there is this threat to your happy home/life, and your immediate reaction is to confront the threat.’ Also, for some women, I think it’s easier to go after the other woman because, if she puts it all on her man (which she very well should), she has to do something about it…right? I did confront the other woman in the past (loonnnggg ago)….had several verbal & physical altercations with her and guess what? It didn’t change a darn thing! She and I both held on for dear life (it seemed) and eventually, she had a kid by him…..and I still tried to ‘make it work.’ Then, one day (finally!) I found the strength & self-respect to let him go. Thank God I was able to realize and accept that, no matter what, she was gonna be in the picture so either I could accept it and stay with him or reject it and get out of the triangle. Thank God I ‘opted out’ because, guess what again? He’s still with her today.

The experience taught me to deal with the person at fault (my man) and do what’s best for me. It’s not in my best interest to get into any fights, opening myself up to harrassment, assault, criminal charges, etc. As CoolMom said, ‘I’m not a bible-thumper or attend church, but I do have faith. I believe everything happens for a reason.’ I firmly believe that what goes around, comes around so I let it do just that (although I do ask ‘When?????’ sometimes….lol)!

I agree with #1…When I found out about my now ex husbands “other woman” the first time I had the opportunity to confront her I did. I just wanted her to put a face with the person and to realise I was a woman like her with a daughter and that she was sleeping with my husband! After I said that to her, the only words she had for me were “not for long” meaning he was going to be my ex soon since I had filed for divorce once I found out she was pregnant.
Not my finest hour, but she had taken away my partner and best friend for 10 years. They are now married, can’t say happily, as he found out the grass is not always greener.

Kristi, why let the “other” cheater off the hook so easily? IMO they are BOTH at fault. Esp. if the “other woman”(or man) knows their prospect is married. (And let’s face it, one would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not know. At least after a few dates.)

Why shouldn’t homewrecking idiots be held accountable too?

Equal accountability. Even if one is married, and the other cheats with a married person. Both exhibit extreme selfishness.

I knew of the “other” skank. I call her that because she knew about me and that I just had a baby. I never confronted her. Him however got the boot immediately. Funny enough, we ran into each other at a party in another city years later. She came up to me and said hello and introduced herself. I looked at her and said wow you have big balls and walked away. Some people just have no conscience!

The spouse is the one to focus on. Any other focus is just giving the spouse a pass so he/she can do it again.

My ex cheated and I filed for divorce. Oddly, the other woman developed a real hatred and obsession about ME – she even came to my door one day AFTER he had already moved out. I didn’t answer the door. They eventually broke up, but I moved on and didn’t take him back. Not in a million years.

christina #29… don’t bother trying to engage with “myra”… she never has anything relevant to say…90% of the time it doesnt even make sense… as you can see. She’s only trying to get a rise out of people. It’s pretty pathetic! ;)

I have to LOL @ 27, I have never referred to the woman who he cheated with by her first name, she is called “skanky” by me and my friends! She knew he was married and had a daughter she just didn’t care! This woman called my house and when I would answer she actually asked for him! I agree though it wasn’t all her, he was willing to walk away from a 10 year marriage and a 6 year old daughter to be with her so he is as much at fault as her.

As far as I’m concerned each person needs to take it up with their spouse. Their spouse took the vows, made the promise etc. I was the other woman, we each knew the other was married but it happened anyway. My husband never confronted him. Truthfully I think he knew that he’d end up in jail if he did. His wife did confront me over email. She placed all the blame on me. I never understood that, it takes two! I accept my 50% responsibility for it but I refuse to take full blame when it took both of us and we both knew each other situations. My husband and I dealt with it between us, it was our issue to work out without the involvement with the other man or his wife. However she felt the need to continue to involve me in their lives instead of dealing with her husband and accepting his fault in it too.

It amazes me how “other women” justify themselves since they are only taking 50% of the blame since the married man is the other part of the equation.

Its just like shooting somebody – just because the gun is in your hands and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone, sadly, you still shot someone.

Just because a man that is taken wants to have an affair doesn’t mean as woman you should degrade yourself or settle for being second best. Women should respect themselves more and they have the power to say no.

I know guys who are smooth enough that they could keep a relationship (girlfriend or wife) hidden to get something extra, so she may have been played and actually is a nice woman who doesn’t deserve this either.

Yup… I was the OW in this situation. I had befriended an older guy, G, (we met through work) and over time it turned into a “bed buddy” type relationship, although good conversation factored into every get together. He definitely was “smooth” – saying that he was “better” than all the other guys I had been involved with, that my recent ex may have been “a man” but that he was “THE Man”, that he had felt an instant connection with me from the first moment he was in the same room with me (HAH! I was such an overweight ugly duckling at that point in my life!), saying “we will ALWAYS be buddies ‘no matter what'”.

Long story short, he retired, and one day the guy who replaced him let it slip that G had been to a union meeting “with his entourage”. I asked him what he meant by that. He said G had been there with his girlfriend (who worked for the same place) and her daughter. Well… this was news to me, that’s for sure! And to find that he had been living with her IN her house (Rule #1 – if the guy never lets you come over to his place, it usually means there’s someone else sharing his living space). The van he CLAIMED was his, that he drove when his car was having problems, was actually HERS.

I confronted him about his lies, and he did own up to them, but the “friendship” side of the relationship never did recover from that. I wouldn’t want him for anything other than platonic conversation now. This is the same guy who sat on MY couch in MY apartment, telling me that “you have so much to offer” and to “make the guy EARN what it is you have to give.” Un-flippin’-real. HE didn’t earn the intimacy I gave him, he took it under false pretenses by lying to me about who and what he was, pure and simple.

And I feel sorry for his girlfriend, because he lied to her as well, for 4.5 years. I wonder how she’d feel if she knew that his reason (he said) for going to bed with me was because she has “issues with physical intimacy”, and if she knew that the he was claiming that the house that is in HER name alone was in fact his house when his name isn’t even on it, according to the tax records website for the county they live in. What’s worse is that he’s playing father figure to her young daughter – talk about a wolf in the henhouse!

I think he picked her because of her naivete, same as for why he picked me. There’s a laundry list of lies that he thinks that I believed, but I know the truth about them. Now, if a girl in her 30’s could see through him, why couldn’t a woman of 50? I knew something wasn’t real or authentic about him long before I found out.

Hopefully, at some point, she’ll wise up to who she’s allowing to live under her roof, but after 6 years of them living together? I doubt it. I remember he and I having a conversation once about male goldiggers. He said “you women are taught from the very cradle to go out and find a guy with $$$. What’s wrong with a guy doing that same thing?” He had said he was intending to do that at some point, and that she would have to be making the same amount of $$ he was before he retired. Well… she works for the same company, doing the same job he used to do, and I’d hate to be the one to tell her that I think he is using her so that he can have a house roof over his head without having the responsibility of footing all the bills for it.

The homewrecking skank needs to be told she is a disgusting whore. Whoever knowingly goes out and actively pursues someone that is already married is trash. I have no problem in letting them know that they cannot live in their fantasy world and pretend it’s ok. And that certainly doesn’t mean the spouse or SO doesn’t deserve the boot too.

I think confronting your spouse should be a given. But if you know you’re having an affair with someone who is married, you deserve to be confronted. That’s a consequence of involving yourself with a married man/woman.

Would I confront the other woman? You bet — if only for as long as it took for me to hand her his suitcases that I packed with his belongings.

Amanda – each situation is different. I didn’t find out about “her” until he’d moved out and then ran in to ‘this person’ who told me this and then ‘that person’ who told me that (his former coworkers, etc.). It was six months after he’d left that I truly believed what I was hearing and was able to put “clues” together from the past. By that time, it was way over and as I said before, they deserved each other. I truly believe in Karma and know some day, some where, they’ll BOTH get theirs… and she isn’t going to be nice about it! ;0)

#36~ The guy you describe sounds sleezy (shivers), not smooth… And you say you saw through all of his lies and deceit… but you stayed with him for 4.5 years!? It sounds like you CHOSE to stay in that relationship knowing that something wasnt right. I guess love truly is blind…

@ #40 – No, there’s a difference between having a feeling that something “ain’t right” and being able to prove that it isn’t. Like seeing his girlfriend driving her van (the one he claimed was his) one day.

And there were other things that didn’t add up that he would tell me. But, when you are in a bed buddy situation, you don’t have the right to be as demanding on the other person to be truthful with you when it comes to things that have nothing to do with you personally.

OTOH, when the other person isn’t telling you that you are “assisting” them in cheating, involving you in a triangular relationship without asking whether or not you are cool with it, that’s where the line gets drawn, as far as I’m concerned. I never did get an explanation as to why he thought that was an OK thing to do to either her or to me.

I must say that this experience has sure as hell soured me on being in an “exclusive” relationship with anyone. The nicer the guy will try to be to me, trying to “sell” himself, the more I’m just going to think he’s full of BS. Yeah, I know “there’s plenty of good men out there,” blah blah blah, but I’ve decided not to waste the best years of my life trying to find them.

#32, I agree with you, my ex left on his own, but I blame both of them. She knew he was married with a child and didn’t care. At the time this happened I was furious she took my husband and best friend, but now 8 years later, I see the man he has become and I’m thankful he is not my husband. The thing that the cheater never thinks of or the person they are cheating with is that the decesion they made is going to destroy a marriage, friendships, their kids lives will change etc…It’s too bad they never think of those things until it’s to late.

My H left me a few years ago has denied over and over there was ever another person, I suspected another person, found the proof and have yet to come forward with it. We are now in the process of a divorce and I can’t be bothered, knowing you loved and trusted this person, raised a family together spent years and years building a life, and they just walk away have lied and betrayed you with little regret or remorse, she can have him. When the divorce is final I am sure he will come out with his new love, and claim they met after he left his marriage. Only I will know the truth and he will have to continue to live his lie.

Is the Other Woman any more off the hook if she cheats with the married man who doesn’t wear his wedding ring? Interesting tie-in to the Prince William/no wedding ring topic.

It’s really simple-both the “other woman” and cheating husband are both at fault. Even if the man lied about his status at the beginning of relationship, once the truth is revealed, the Other Woman should just walk away and leave that mess.

Hi I have been married for 3 years. I realised recently that A married woman who is my husbands former colleague is now his mistress. The woman was among those who wished us well during my wedding.I work in a different town and I read all their correspondences after I got his pass word. Imagine She at times comes to my house before she goes to her husband. My husband husband has met her husband at some point. she has been calling as a friend and even enquiring about my baby. But their mails are ponographic!

I believe when the “other woman” is aware of the “wife/ girlfriend.” “The other woman happends to have very low selfesteem”. She settles for anything and nothing because she is not capable of attracting someone that will value her, She becomes a booty call, she settles for less. “Becoming the other Woman” So the man spend money on her but not for long.. and is true what goes around comes around. The other woman ends up alone at the end of her youth… She gets what she deserves… No Family… No Man to love her till the end of her days… Sad but true. Like it or not..

As someone who was married for a long time I now believe there are a few types of married men who cheat.

1. Compulsive cheaters (like my ex-husband) who will go after anything with a pulse. I was a 2nd wife, a trophy wife, 20 years old to his 42 years old and yet he still cheated on me even though he was the envy of his friends. He cheated with all sorts of women, tall, short, fat, thin, pretty, ugly – after a while I realised it wasn’t about me or any deficit on my part as he had also been promiscuous throughout his first marriage. NO! This type of cheating is all about him and his personality deficit. He does it to make himself feel good not because he has genuine feelings for the women or because you aren’t giving attention.

2. REAL affairs. Now this one is more difficult as this type of affair suggests a deficit in the relationship. the man doesn’t just go for sex but for the emotional component. Perhaps the marriage is in a rut, perhaps he is staying to ‘do the right thing’, is tied by children or finances etc. Now whilst I think every woman has the right to be angry if she is cheated on, that anger needs to be directed at the husband NOT the mistress. She didn’t make vows and isn’t party to what goes on in your marriage. from the anger on this board it appears that if you are a wronged wife then that automatically gives you a free pass and freedom from any guilt but I will say this:

1.The perception of the marriage by one person is not necessarily the same perception that the other partner has. You may feel it is wedded bliss, he might feel trapped.

2.You can’t seduce someone who doesn’t want to be seduced and in my experience, 9 times out of 10 it is the man who initiates and chases.

3. Are the wives really so perfect? Are you really contributing to the marriage or just cruising along? Complacency is the enemy of marriage. It is just too easy to blame everything on the other woman. The problems in your marriage have been fermenting for some time, probably from even before he met her.

4. Affairs are not the cause of marital problems, they are a symptom.

It is really easy to be polarized about this and see it as black and white but in reality, few things are ever that way. I would also say do not confront the other woman. You will just make yourself look foolish and desperate and hysterical. Don’t lower yourself.

Not excusing affairs but saying keep a dose of realism here. It is too easy to say the wife is lily white and the mistress is the devil incarnate.

I was the OW, did not know he was married. When I found out, I ended it. When his wife found out? She started harassing ME, stalking Me, blaming ME! I pressed charges against her and filed a restraining order. She was crazy! She tried to ruin me. When she called my employer? They told me and then I sued her and won. At first I felt bad for her, now? Not one bit, I could care less if my relationship ruined her marraige. When I filed suit? Her husband left her. She ended up looking like a wack job nut case. When in fact, I ended our 2 year relationship immediately when I found he was married!! She tried to destroy me and instead destroyed her own
Life out if her crazy out of control behavior. He is now engaged to a lovely woman- And I am married to his best friend. Her? She is still crying foul and is a bitter, lonely woman now. Do I feel bad? Not at all, if anything I understand why he was looking elsewhere.

Of course give them a hard time but give the hubby (or wife) a much harder time dragging them through court for every bit of money that you can get. This from the child of a serial cheater-they are both stealing time away from family. There is always trash out there to lure away spouses, this doesn’t mean they should get off easy!

I have recently discovered my boyfriend of 10 years is having an affair. He is a very stupid, sloppy cheater. Come on, I found her phone number in his wallet. Another thing, he has a box of condoms in the bathroom cabinet. We do not use condoms during sex and I have been counting these things for a while now. About a month ago I counted 7 left. This past weekend I counted and there were 5. How stupid is he? He failed to hide a large box that a bottle of Crown Royal and 2 branded glasses came in. The bottle of Crown was tucked away but he FORGOT to HIDE the box…too sweet!!! This is not the first time I have caught him. The last time was about 2 years ago.
The girl was stupid enough to call his house without blocking her phone number and I answered the phone.
I met a guy earlier this year and he’s single, 54, very nice looking, no alcohol or drug use and is attracted to me. I told him that I have a boyfriend and could not cheat. Look what has happened. I am the honest one and low and behold my BF is a compulsive cheater.
Some of these women have a problem…they think with their vaginas and have such low self-esteem they will go out with about any one.
My BF and I have an 8 year old son and he really loves his dad. I have thought about confronting this person being that I have her home and cell numbers but I have decided to hold off and bust them out. It won’t be long. He thinks he’s so smooth. Good God, he’s 69 years old and still going to bars and picking up women. When will he finally grow up? He is a nice looking man but he knows it and so full of himself. I think the right thing to do is pick up the personal items that me and our son have at his home and let him carry on. I don’t drink and have no intentions of falling into his game. He’s too old for this kind of action and really needs to grow up and help me raise our son. My son and I have a home in another town and we are very happy here. I know God is the only way to solve this in a proper manner.
Bit of advice: Everything happens for a reason. Get God in your life and He will take care of everything. You don’t have to do a thing
except live for Him and be obedient to His word! So easy!!!!!!!

My spouse of 11 years works out of town (by choice- much better money) and I would travel to see him near and far. This Thanksgiving I had even sent him 30 kg of homemade baking (yes thats thirty- took me three days to bake) for him and his roommate I had known for about 5 years. I wanted to treat them both for working so hard( over 45 days with no days off by that point)and to give them a little bit of home cooking which they weren’t getting. I afterwards decided to go up to actually cook the full Thankgiving meal for him, his roommate and several of his coworkers and his boss. I drove 12 hours, with my car jam packed with all the kitchen appliances and cooking apparatuses I would need to coko a large meal. I arrived, and when I looked at the state of thier apartment (FILTHY- round globs of mould in the toilet, obvious vomit and feces on and in the toilet.) I decided to give it a one over and keep it nice for the guys. So I cleaned, cooked ( I went to culinary arts school- and ran some very upscale restaurants in Canadian Resorts so I am a damn fine cook)and did everything to make thier home more livable, and lives a bit easier. I had known his roommate was being unfaithful to his partner, and he even brought the woman he was seeing over while I was there. Unbeknownst to me this woman was also the best friend of the woman my spouse had been seeing as well. She had come over to compare me to her friend, lovely as can be that thought is. When he came home afew weeks later, I knew something was going on as he had began to treat me quite poorly before my visit, and afterwards. I checked his phone records and found several texts, calls and all sorts of unsavoury things on his phone.
I confronted him, he lied to me about the extent of his affair, it turns out this woman he was dating also has a partner, whom lives in London. She would sit within ear shot of his phone calls to me, listening him express his love and devotion me. Here’s a lovely kicker– I had left some of my kitchen things there after a few of my visits as my spouse said he could use them, so no big deal I left them. When he returned home he didn’t have enough room to pack these things so he had left them with his roommate. Then I found out she had actually moved into this apartment with him, and was eating my food I had cooked, using my kitchen things, and just general douche-baggery.
When he had returned without my things, I (well quite rudely actually) enquired to his old roommate where my stuff was, as he was supposed to pack it up and return it to my spouse. They had all gone missing, I called his spouse and they didn’t show up there… SO.. that means the two girls that had been living there for the last week of his stay and continued to stay after he had left, decided it would be appropriate to take my things, and keep them. No one on the planet could tell me that I should not confront this woman. Not only did she know I existed, she took my things?? F ME! Listen people, I could care less about societal anecdotes about what should be done in these situations, as soon as that woman trespassed against me, she lost all rights to her privacy, and her “it aint my fault” attitude. She partook in the misdeeds, so she gets 100% of the consequences. As soon as she bedded my spouse full well knowing I existed, she got me too. Package deal, it’s like black friday, but there is NO DISCOUNT HERE. You have to pay full price on this one.

The wives who know their husband have cheated on them once in the past, then get bent out of shape when they find out their husband cheated a second time or more make me laugh. You wives get what you deserve if you stay with a cheater. Your HUSBANDS made the vows to you, not the other woman/women.

Yes. I discovered my ex bf was cheating for a year, after I financially supported him with a loan of $20,000 (I have a signed IOU). Called the other woman, he was cheating on both of us. He is now making death threats if I ever contact her again and blackmailing me with nude pics he has of me. I was only trying to warn her, never did I harass her. She was thankful to me but ended up staying with him (she is much younger and dumber!). Moral of the story, don’t make contact when the guy is a sociopath!

This is happening right now: 2 weeks ago my boyfriend/fiance of 10 years received a phone call on his cell phone at 1:30am…I wrote down the number & called the next day to ask the person who they were & why are they calling my husband at 1:30am? I left 3 different messages–then I got a call saying they had 3 missed calls from my number & wanted to know who was calling..I said I wanted to know why you called my husband at 1:30am–she denied it-asked who my husband was-said she didn’t know a “Jerry” & said she had to get back to work as she hung up…I asked Jerry about the call & he said it was a wrong #–BUT the # appeared on his phone 3 more times that day & a voicemail! The voicemail said “hey baby just wanted to call you & say I love you-see you later-bye”….that was the start of my “investigation” into my cheating man–he lied to me for weeks about it. I happened to talk to a friend of mine & the other woman (did not have a CLUE my friend knew anything about this) & she told me she knew about her friend “Vivian” & “Jerry” & she is completely smitten & in love! They have been seeing each other for 2 MONTHS & are making plans to go to Las Vegas & Hawaii?? She said Jerry told Vivian that our relationship has been over for a while—WHAT?? We live/sleep together every day–he has 2 kids from a previous marriage & so do I… He told me after I confronted him that he wants ME to get the f*ck out of our house & I’d better get out soon ‘cuz she is planning on moving in!! I have left her more phone messages asking her why she is continuing to carry this on with my husband of 10 years & she won’t respond. My friend told me where she lives, so I drove by her house & went by her work to see if I could talk to her but she wasn’t there.. Tonight my husband yelled at me & said if I don’t leave HER alone she’ll file a restraining order against ME!! WTF?? Anyone have advice for me??

Carrie (#62)… Any Advice? Leave your husband and that lady alone! He doesn’t deserve you and you shouldn’t want to stay. He is obviously really into this stupid woman and his willing to lose what he has to be with her. I say let him go…but make him pay. Divorce him and tax him all at once! He has alot of nerves treating you like that but that just goes to show you shouldn’t want to be with someone who can talk to you and treat you like that, like you weren’t there for him for 10 years…let him go. He is no good and his actions will catch up to him.

Seriously Carrie? Get a grip! WHY spend your time and energy stalking her, because that is what you’re doing! Sounds like no matter what you say to her, it won’t matter, she doesn’t care, she wants your man and she’s got him! He’s a no-good cheat. Do you REALLY want him back?Time to move on and let it go… as the expression goes, “Do YOU!”

Well I confronted the other women a few times and she straight out claim that they were just friends and nothing else. But I noticed that she was texting excessively to the point that every minute his phone was going off. Long and behold I was able to see one of the messages with her pouring her heart out to him. I confronted him and we got into a confrontation. I told him that either he have to cut his friendship off with her or the relationship with me. At first he was upset and when he told her that he was trying to work on his relationship with me she begin contacting him more to the point that we constantly got in arguments about her. I know as a woman I need to walk away but it is hard. Note him and I were not married but in a committed relationship to the point we were considering taking the next step soon. Her excuse to him was “She is not your wife” you can have any friend that you want to.” I don’t have an issue with my man having friends, but I had an issues with a woman who contacted my man excessively through the morning and night even when he asked her to back off. I think that sometimes contacting the person can be helpful or could cause more issues for the two to get closer. If you contact the person I would say try to do it in a manner just as a concerned spouse but note if a woman wants your man at times she will protect him.

Thanks, MissMe & CoolMom..I wish I could pack up my furniture & go NOW, but I feel trapped–he has been paying the rent for 10 years!!I have only been paying the smaller bills-utilities, etc…I’ve been looking for an affordable 3 bedroom house since he screamed at me to get the f*ck out of our house because “Vivian” is moving in-there is NOTHING I can afford on my budget…the cheapest was $1200/mo & I only take home $1500/mo..doesn’t leave me with much to live on…ughhhh, I am sooo frustrated, depressed & stressed about this!! The latest news on this: After telling me everytime we’re together that he “loves me” & then we have sex & I feel like an idiot afterwards…He hides his cell phone under his pillow & I finally got ahold of it 2 nights ago & read all 154 text messages between Jerry & Vivian (aka the “skank”)She sent him wet t-shirt photos of herself (classy) & msgs saying “hey baby, get your sexy ass over here,I think I need to be f*cked some more” & other disgusting msgs. He sTILL denies that they’re having sex!!! LMAO!!! He told me that he has a “business trip” in Las Vegas this weekend & he’s taking VIVIAN!! I am even MORE devastated now & am trying mot to let it consume me, but I can’t stop thinking about THEM on a getaway weekend when WE have been talking about doing that for the past couple of years & he always has “too much work” & can’t get away…Sorry to rant, but it feels better to just write it down…

why do you need a 3 bedroom house? Seriously, for your own mental health, get the hell out… do whatever it takes to move heaven & earth and leave! Move in with a friend, a relative, get a studio apartment if that’s all you can afford at this time! What you CAN’T afford is letting this sleeze ball take complete advantage of you mentally & physicially any more! GET OUT NOW!

roz, the texts are meaningless in ny now. ny now has a no fault divorce but her first sentence pretty much says it all, my boyfriend/fiance. apparently she is using the word husband loosely. ny does not recognize commom law marriage.

in other words she is entitled to NOTHING. her kids are hers and his are his. no child support.

to quote the great scholar, Dr. Dre, “If yo’ b*tch on my sh*t, it’s yo b*tch you check, n*gga.” to put it in more eloquent terms, confront your husband, not the other woman. He’s the one who took the vows.