It really pains me to have to say this because it reflects my incredible lack of judgment, but once I stopped liking him [omit], all the bad things about him suddenly had no excuse, and now I am sitting here wondering what the fuck I ever saw in him in the first place. I can't even look back and say it was because he was cute, because, as we've established, he so is not. My feelings for him were so based on respect and admiration that once those were taken away, I had nothing left to go on.-Laney Lee (Am I Hot Or Not?)

A lot of what she said (note that I said a lot not all) really summed/sums up how I feel. Yes there is a reason why I decided to write about all that today...and if you know why, well, good for you. Whatever the case, how I feel about the guy is of no importance as of now. That was resolved long ago. What still remains is how I feel about myself--how I can't trust my own judgment, how I can't trust other people anymore. One of these days I'm going to have to let all of that go, because this isn't right. I just feel that this negative mentality is just so thouroughly ingrained into my mindset that I can't help it...