ITEM!

Recent Stories

FIFA Power Rankings for World Cup Soccer Team Names

June 9, 2014

The problem with most World Cup teams is that their names are an afterthought. Unlike in American sport, where our team names mean everything (e.g. Utah Jazz), World Cup team names are nowhere near as important as say, wearing ugly jerseys or dominating the sport. In this World Cup there are 3 teams that reference the color blue, because nothing inspires passion like "GO blue ...? (ahem. cough)."

Some teams go with the very literal "the team," but a few winners, who...

FIFA Rankings for World Cup Slogans

May 18, 2014

In the run-up to the 2014 FIFA World Cup, all 32 national teams have assembled to practice, and allow their coaches to determine which lucky 23 players will go to Brazil. As part of the mounting excitement, each national soccer program has released its team's World Cup Slogan.

In reality, the underlying slogan for any World Cup squad is "We will drive the ball so far down your keeper's throat he'll find it tomorrow in his shoes," and they probably don't need some pithy, Tweet-ready sl...

Explaining to Mindy Kaling Why Men Take So Long To Tie Our Own Shoes

In your mostly charming book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, there is a short screed complaining about why men take so long to tie their shoes. This is a gross generalization. Though it is 98% true, it is gross because it glosses over the reason for our sloth, and underlines your fundamental misinterpretation of how men work.