First Dads: Parenting and Politics from George Washington Barack Obama

"Don't you think it handicaps a boy to be the son of a man like my father?" -Theodore Roosevelt Jr.

I started reading this book a while back, then postponed reading it to get some library books out the door, then finished reading it but didn't have time to write it up before I went on "vacation" (see previous review as to how that went), so let's see if I remember much to review it before the end of the year.

The author categorizes presidential dads into the following categories:

Preoccupied: dads who really just don't have much time for the kids.

Playful Pals: he's your dad, he's your buddy, and he's got plenty of time for you, never mind his work!

Double-Dealing Dads: The shittiest, lying, neglectful, crappy ones.

Tiger Dads: Otherwise known as "their kids could never do anything right."

The Grief-Stricken: presidents who lost children and became basically non-functional after that, leading to them having crappy presidencies.

The Nurturers: actual good dads.

The author notes that generally speaking, the children of presidents haven't fared well in life and "somehow seem cursed." Early deaths, psychiatric problems, divorces and suicides abound.

Preoccupied dads: FDR, Van Buren, Polk, Taylor, Hoover, Carter, Reagan, LBJ, Taft, Nixon, George H.W. Bush, Clinton, You end up feeling very sad for FDR's horde of kids, some of whom helped him in his work, presumably because that way they could actually see him. The kids had "three" fathers--dad before polio, dad after polio, and the president, but he couldn't do emotional intimacy with anyone. One of his vice presidents, Henry Wallace, said "He doesn't know any man and no man knows him. Even his own family doesn't know anything about him." (Such an Aquarian, I have to say.) His sons in particular didn't fare well, his daughter Anna fared the best of the lot, probably because she worked with him. LBJ's kids were used to being ignored and Luci in particular was all, "If I ever do anything great, it'll be because I'm the President's daughter." Carter admitted he was obsessed with his career so his wife handled all the kid stuff, to the point where his son Jack told him that "I think the way you treated me as a child almost ruined my life." After that, they only spoke through letters for a few years.

Playful pals: Grant and Theodore Roosevelt were just big ol' kids with their kids, along with Buchanan, Arthur and George W. Bush. This might provide kids who are together (for example, the Bush twins) or just spoiled brats like Alan Arthur. Most of the Grant kids never amounted to much--to quote Jesse Grant, "I'm a splendid loafer and with a good cigar I can stare at the wall contentedly for hours." T.R. was enthusiastic with the little ones--less so with his oldest daughter that he left with his sister to raise for years after her birth (to be fair, her mother died and he was crushed by that for years), so she always felt disconnected from everyone else once she was taken back in when he got remarried. Note that Alice was the most flamboyant and infamous of the kids (and the most fun) and she'd smoke in public, gamble and speed, and pull out her pet snake from her purse to scare people. When her dad told her he couldn't smoke under his roof, she'd smoke ON the roof, and started the "Race Suicide Club" to protest his love of large families. T.R.'s other daughter was the anti-Alice, meek and mild. As for his sons, well, if dad loves war, what does that mean for you? They're obligated to do it and one of them died in war. Then there's Wilson, who was apparently a much more fun dude in private when singing to the kids.

Double-dealing dads: A lot of this focuses on the womanizing presidents. The author decided to not say as much about Thomas Jefferson drama and gives more focus to Tyler and his hordes of kids, including whichever ones he produced with slaves. Supposedly he claimed he fathered 52 slave children, and he disinherited his first crop of seven white children with his first wife. Cleveland and Harding had illegitimate kids they weren't interested in. LBJ and Fillmore are mentioned here, and Benjamin Harrison also pulled a Tyler in marrying a much younger woman (ditto Cleveland). The author says, "Double-dealing dads tend to house two or more contradictory identities within. In Tyler's case, a smooth socialite, an angry rebel, an upstanding family man, and a depressed loner as well as both a prig and a Lothario all somehow managed to coexist with one other." Cleveland had two named personalities, "Grover the Good" and "Big Steve" (OF COURSE THE BAD ONE IS NAMED STEVE), and Harding referred to his penis as "Jerry." Cleveland wasn't that into his legitimate kids, or kids in general. Harding claimed he would "rather have kiddies than anything else in the world" (note that he and his legit wife had no kids together and he didn't like his "good-for-nothing drunken stepson"), but uh...he wasn't actually into that.

Tiger dads: Of course the Adamses are here--they're like, the poster children for this. Only one son per generation seems to have dealt well with tiger parenting and the rest all die of alcoholism. Poor Nabby Adams end up with a shitty husband instead of a good one because of her dad approving/disapproving of the wrong dudes. This book also suggests that Charles Adams was gay (he did hang out with Baron von Steuben) and got disowned. John Eisenhower sounds like he had less of a bad time by comparison, but he did grow up frightened of his dad.

Grief-stricken dads: Pierce and Coolidge basically lost interest in the job once their kids died and are considered some of the least effective presidents ever. William Henry Harrison is mentioned here since he lost five adult kids and died a month in. George H.W. Bush is mentioned here, along with JFK. FDR never spoke of his dead second kid. McKinley lost his kids and his wife was in a bad state from that--but unlike Pierce and Coolidge, he wasn't incapacitated by it.

Nurturers: Hayes, Obama, and Truman fall into this category. George Washington was good with all of his stepkids and stepgrandkids, Madison is cited for that as well. Monroe did well with his kids, as did Garfield and Ford.

The final chapter is an epilogue called "Presidential Choices," about kids knowing they had to share their dads with the world. It wonders if maybe the preoccupied dads make the best presidents (if not dads)...well, if they were all like FDR. He thinks nurturing dads are the safer bet, and less impulsive. Playful dads may have issues laying down rules in the job as well as at home and stern dads don't connect well with people. Americans typically want both a caring family man and a hard-charging dynamo who gets things done.

Overall I enjoyed reading this and it was comprehensive and covered its subject matter well, especially when juggling all those dudes and figuring out who to focus on (lord knows I didn't know that much dirt on Tyler before). So, four stars.