Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Wow. I cannot believe it is almost 2007. So much has happened this past year and I thought I would take a few minutes to reflect on the changes in my life and really in me.

I guess I really need to back up even further just so you know where I am. July 2005 moved back to Texas. Separated from the now-ex so this is kind of where I pick up in Jan 2006. We are still living apart but have not filed for divorce yet. As far as I knew we were still trying to pick up the pieces and see if we could fit the puzzle back together again. March 2006, my bday and we go to San Antonio and we had a blast! I was thinking wow, we are really doing well. Maybe, just maybe this will all work. We had already talked about moving back in together and were looking at a house we wanted to buy.

It was about mid-March that I realized he wasn’t in to it anymore. I confronted him about it, he confirmed and that was the end. We started getting facts on our rights in a divorce, figuring out our options and putting post-it notes on the stuff we wanted to keep.

End of March or beginning of April, I decided to put myself on one of those online dating sites. Match.com to be exact. It was okay. I had a few people that I talked to but only one I actually met. Then I learned about another site called Plentyoffish.com. I had never heard of it and gave that one a shot. A few more email contacts, another date. But, then I emailed someone and well long story short, 6 mths later we are still chatting and meeting up when we can. You have all read about him…. The Goofball.

Well that is kind of updating on the dating aspect of it, however, the rest of my life was going like this. May 2006, we officially filed for divorce. June 2006 ex moved to Dallas, Tx and then took the kids to his folks for a few weeks. Then he came back and well he seemed to miss me and we talked about possibly stopping the divorce. However, in my heart, I knew I couldn’t turn back. It was just too late for us. I had grown so much in just that short time and really all year. I had grown more independent again. I learned too much about my strength, got a lot of my self-respect back and I wasn’t going to give myself up again for someone that didn’t respect me. I wasn’t going to get back in a situation where the person that is suppose to love me the most in the world, puts me down and makes me feel like I can’t do anything or that I am being controlled or that I’m just not good enough for him. Divorce on. It was official Sept 1, 2006. Almost 13 years from when we first meet.

Then I thought I was starting to get a head a bit on finances and getting a handle on paying for everything with one income (plus child support). That was my first mistake! Car broke big time. Hindsight being what it is, I now know what I should have done but oh well its over and all I can do is move on. Tuck that a way in the lessons learned the hard way file of the brain.

I have had a lot of job changes this year as well. This is due to being a temporary. I hate it, it sucks but it is the best way to get your foot in the door around here. So I started out the year working for a hospital, then went to a chemical company and then for a very short time to an Oil and Gas Company. Then finally landed where I wanted to be all along, it is a different Oil and Gas Company than the first. I won’t say the name but I will hint that the “mascot” is a car or actually more than one car. I’m still a temporary but I am hoping that will change soon.

There are so many other changes in me. I haven’t suffered as much depression and anxiety this year. I have moments of both but I can push on through it. I have to. I think one reason is I have a great support system. Family and friends that don’t mind listening to me or picking me up when I’m down even if they don’t always realize it. I am very blessed to have this. I try to tell at least someone everyday what they mean to me. If you are reading this, chances are really good you mean a lot to me as I haven’t personally shared this link with many people. I do know some of my friends have me linked from their blogs but that’s fine. My friends know who they are! Right?! If not, I can call you out!

Also with my new found freedom and realizing I’m not being controlled, I can just hop in the car and head out where ever I can with the kids. We have done the zoo a few times, the beach twice and gone to different parks a lot, the movies, out to eat…. It is so much fun! We started to take up tennis before I had a medical set back that I will talk about shortly. The ex was here this weekend and I was like, hey let’s all go for a ride. It took us way tooo long to go and by then I was over it. I should have just gone it alone but the kids were wanting out of the house too and he was there so I said, hey let’s all just go. It was just one extra person and a grown person at that. One that can get dressed by himself. Why did it take us so much longer? I don’t know. But, this was always a problem. When I want to go, I want to go quickly. I am not really a morning person as in not super happy, peppy and my brain isn’t always functioning full force. But, if I don’t get out when I’m ready, my enthusiasm quickly wanes.

And, finally, health. Well overall not a bad year. The kids have stayed relatively healthy, nothing funky like in 2005 with Hunter’s head injury (long story if you haven’t heard it). But, only thing is in the last month I found out that I have a herniated disk in my neck. Fun! So I have been in pain for almost 2 months now but thankfully I haven’t done much in 2 weeks so I am finally feeling some relief in that area. My future with that looks like physical therapy and I just have to be careful not to lift anything really heavy. I plan to go have a sit down with the doc about exactly what that all means very soon.

Looking to 2007, I will finally complete school. I can almost not believe it. To say I’m excited would be an understatement. I’m hoping this will mean more time with my kids, more time for me stuff (like reading!!!) and maybe more time for a hobby. I haven’t had one of those in a long time! Speaking of hobbies, I better write this in my blog so I don’t forget. I want to paint this summer while the kids are with dad. I want to go to the store and buy all the supplies and just paint but not the house but art, paintings…. Mostly just make a mess on canvas. I can’t paint to save my life but I once spent a whole weekend painting and loved it! I don’t have any of those anymore.

Also in 2007, I am hoping to meet up with a bunch of my friends for our annual reunion trip. This year is Dallas! Whoohoo! I cannot wait. I really hope that a lot of them can make it. But, no matter who makes it, it will still be fun!

Then lastly in 2007 our family will grow by two more babies (so far). My brother and Sister-in-law are having their 3rd in May. Then just this week I found out my cousin is having her 2nd in August!!!!! Now I am not on this list of potentials but I know there may be some others in my family that are planning. I wish that both babies are healthy and happy. Of course we are all not so secretly wishing for pink but healthy and happy come first! and before you say, wow that sounds selfish (as far as the wishing for girls). We had 5 babies in 2002/03 all boys! Until this past October, we didn't have a baby since 1998 that was a girl. Soooooo we are all just wanting to buy more pink clothes! Either way we love our babies!

I will leave you with these thoughts. Things I have learned in the last year or so.

Take risks. If you don’t you will have regrets. I am big on this risk taking thing. It is my new thing. Just got this in a fortune cookie, “The greatest risk is not taking one.” So true, so true!! I feel like I took a big risk in July 2005, leaving Fargo with just my babies. Then coming here, getting a job and just doing it all by myself (okay with some help but it takes a village…..)

The second thing is to just appreciate what you have. I have been reminded oh so many times this year how good I have it. I can complain and whine but at the end of the day my life is pretty damn great! But, don’t just appreciate it but tell those around you how you feel.

About Me

Pushing 40, single parenting. Long time relationship and a lot of attitude. I didn't think my life would look like this. But, ya know, sometimes life's little twists and turns are the best thing to happen to a person.