Good Morning, Joanna Krupa, And Other News

- Justin Bieber stole a dude who says he’s Selena Gomez’s dad’s credit card and used it to buy abortions and boner implants, so basically the most believable shit you’ll ever read in your life. [Dlisted]

- Cameron Diaz is allowed to gaze upon Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin in the same room because when GOOP wants to let you know you’re ugly it’s through hand-painted subtext with a macrobiotic crust. [Lainey Gossip]