December 5th Ė At about 11am I come over light headed
and dizzy. I also feel that my heart muscle isnít normal. I sit for
a while wondering if this is going to pass and it does not. I check
my pulse out of curiosity and initially it feels okay, but soon starts
to diminish and I canít feel it any more. With this I feel like Iím
going to pass out and begin to panic at the thought of my heart failing.
My vision begins to tunnel and I get a ringing in my ears, I was listening
to someone talking to me, and I have to say to them that I donít feel
well. This persists for about five minutes and my colleague suggests
I go for a walk to clear my head, he is looking concerned. So I get
my coat and head out of the building, across the path between some woods,
and off towards the main road. When I return I am not feeling any better
and I am considering going home sick. I am met at the front door to
my office by my colleague and a first aider. They make me sit down and
the first aider asks me some questions. I am cold and yet sweaty and
the first aider identifies this as shock. She then she fetches a kit-kat
for me to eat. I am obedient in following her instructions and do actually
begin to feel better afterwards. In a while I feel I am able to return
to my desk and the rest of the day goes by fine for me.

December 6th Ė 12th Ė each day I have dizzy spells
although not as bad, and always about 11am. With them now I am getting
chest pains. It is not like a heart attack (I read up on the symptoms)
but rather it is like someone is sticking me in the chest with an electric
cattle prod and my heart feels like it is jolting, when it is not receiving
painful shocks my heart feels swollen and pushing on my rib cage. I
am becoming more concerned but try to ignore it, and as a precaution
I start to take aspirin in fear of this being a heart attack brewing,
I read somewhere that aspirin can stop heart attacks caused by blood
clots (hence the chest pain). I wonder if this is a low blood sugar
issue, or a blood pressure issue! Iím getting the pains more frequently
now and into the evening, outside of work. While I am sleeping okay,
I donít feel at all well.

December 13th - At 11 am today I have meeting in the
restaurant with the whole business, and as I sit listening to the general
manager I feel that something again is not right. I begin to smell burning,
and unfortunately from my internet digging (I know this is dangerous)
I have read that is a sign on an upcoming heart attack. I panic and
feel my dizziness returning, I breathe very deeply and calmly almost
by instinct and I believe it is a means of not passing out. Again my
head feels like all of the blood is falling from it, my ears ring, and
I cannot focus on what the GM is saying. My chest pains return and my
heart seems to be beating unusually, I have the feeling that it is struggling
to pump and is not working efficiently, perhaps because it does not
have the ability to pump properly. I shuffle in my seat knowing I cannot
get up and leave without making a scene, and instead I just breathe
through this, and try to endure. As the GM finally finishes his speech
and offers cake to the room, I flee to the drinks machine and quickly
press the buttons for a sugary drink. One is not enough and I quickly
order another in the hope that getting my sugar levels back up will
help me feel better. After doing this I return to my desk and sit and
try to feel better about myself. I decide to eat something and open
a bag of crisps to fill my stomach with something. After five minutes
I feel a bit better, but Iíve had enough of feeling like this. I decide
that I must see a doctor and leave for home. When I get home I head
straight for bed and I phone the doctor from there, they have an appointment
at 3pm and I feel slightly relieved that I am taking action now.
At the doctorís I see a doctor unfamiliar to me, and he doesnít seem
at all concerned by my state, he takes my pulse and checks my blood
pressure, which is now okay. His lack of concern for me is annoying
and unprofessional, and simply suggests that I take some time off work,
but nothing else. I realise that it is nearly Christmas but really NHS!
When I protest he books me a cardiogram session and a blood test, and
says to come back if things get worse. So I return to my bed and try
to sleep this thing off.

December 14th to 15th Ė I have a period of time off
booked anyway for a long weekend so I am technically not off work ill,
however I do not feel able to enjoy my holiday time and still feel unwell,
I continue to get dizziness and chest pain and I continue to take aspirin
and paracetamol. I have no idea what this is. I have done some reading
and am also considering that I may have a stomach ulcer and thus I stop
drinking caffeine and instead opt to down a load of antacids, drink
a lot of probiotic drinks, many decaffeinated green teas, and eating
liquorice.

December 16th Ė I have a cardiogram session at the
surgery, and am surprised that they only take a sample of my rhythms
for 15 seconds. This doesnít seem nearly long enough or worthwhile and
isnít worth the effort. For that 15 seconds I was having no symptoms
and the results reflected this. Pointless. One good thing that comes
out of this session is that the nurse is able to book me a new blood
test appointment on the thursday 21st, so at least that will now be
done before Christmas.

December 19th Ė I have a big issue about 10:30 at night,
my heart seems to stop and I feel like Iím going to die. Iíve never
before felt like the heartbeat I just had was the last one, and I am
at my wits end, I lie for a while on the sofa with my legs in the air,
trying to maintain blood pressure in my chest and to give my heart something
to pump. I do not sleep all night concerned that if I do I will simply
die during my slumber, through the night my symptoms thank fully do
not return and I am beginning to think that the aspirin is the cause
of some of my issue.

December 20th Ė I book an emergency doctorís appointment
and am in first thing. This time it is another new doctor and he treats
me better and does a full examination checking my blood pressure, pulse,
breathing, does some cognitive checks, and asks a bunch of questions.
Iím a mess having not slept and being in quite a bad mental state. He
decides I should go for an X-ray and books me an appointment later that
day. I feel a little better when he tells me that if my symptoms come
and go then I have no immediate issues, as a real problem would not
phase in and out and would be full on to a conclusion! My mind is put
at ease by this knowing that my problem does phase in and out, and is
not with me all the time. I ask a paranoid question ďwill I make it
through tonight?Ē and the doctor says that I definitely will and shouldnít
be concerned, but I am still. After the appointment I make a silent
vow based on what Iíve been told to cut out all that Iíve been doing
to try and keep myself going and to take him at his word. I will stop
taking pain killers, and stop drinking probiotics, green tea, taking
antacids, liquorice, etc. to see if it makes a difference.

December 21st Ė 22nd Ė I am actually feeling a bit
better, and I am determined to have a healthy Christmas day for my familyís
sake. Not taking aspirin in particular seems to have stopped the chest
pains and the crashing blood pressure. I have no idea why it would cause
this now, and the doctor confirmed it was safe, but I canít help feel
that I am having an allergic reaction to the stuff.

December 23rd Ė I have a blood test this morning, and
am largely back to normal now, it seems inconceivable to me that I felt
the way I did the other night, yet I know it happened. I try to dismiss
it, but the memory lingers like a bad smell.

December 24th Ė January 1st Ė I am obviously concerned
about my health and do not have a relaxing Christmas period, but it
is one free of further heart concerns. I have however picked up a nasty
cough and wonder if the it may have been a virus after all, which initially
went for my heart and now attacks my lungs. I am now just waiting on
my test results and whatever is next.

January 2nd Ė I canít believe it but my results have
all come back giving me a clean bill of health, I am confused and do
not comprehend what has been happening. It just doesnít make sense to
me. I am now wondering if this is a facet of Kundalini that is causing
these issues and maybe it is clearing my system of something. But how
can it be that I felt as though physical death was so near to me a few
days ago, and yet medical science shows nothing is wrong. Donít get
me wrong Iím very pleased that such things, as my kidneys, liver, pancreas,
heart, and chest have all been checked as healthy, Iíve had cancer and
diabetes screening and there is nothing wrong so Itís nice to have had
this full testing done. But I am wondering what on earth it was. The
last few weeks have been strangely spiritless and emotionless. I miss
the Kundalini surges that I became used to getting and the insight it
would bring. I very much wish for this to return soon, and for this
issue to go.