Sports Gossip: The Monday Morning Couch Potatoes

Water Cooler Topic #3

A Lions' delusional roar

Detroit Lions wide receiver Roy Williams put his foot in his mouth before the team’s game against the Chicago Bears. The former first-round pick from Texas guaranteed that the Lions would go into Soldier Field and beat the Bears, but the outcome of the game was quite different. Chicago pummeled Detroit 34-7, and Williams was held to six catches for 71 yards and no touchdowns.

Adam’s take: I don’t see what the problem is with an underachieving athlete making unfounded and baseless victory proclamations. What I do take offense to is when a professional player has no grasp of elementary mathematics. Williams complained to the media after the team’s Week 1 loss about how close the Lions offense came to putting up 40 points. For the record, Detroit had 13 points through their first two games. At this rate, Roy’s calculations should prove correct by Halloween — which, incidentally, should be about the same time Lions fans will be donning brown bags for their Sunday costume.

Pete’s take: The best part of Williams’ performance against the Bears came in the middle of the third quarter. Down 24-0, Williams snagged an 11-yard reception from Jon Kitna. So what does Williams do to capitalize on this fortunate circumstance? The dude gives a huge, Michael Irvin-esque, first-down signal. I’m convinced you have to be clinically insane to be an NFL wide receiver; it's the only explanation for such acts.

MVP of the week

Morten Andersen: Despite being out of the NFL since 2004, Morten Andersen will return to the sport tonight as an Atlanta Falcon. Andersen, 46, will be the second-oldest player to ever appear in an NFL game. The 22-year NFL vet was brought in as a free agent last week following Falcons kicker/punter Michael Koenen’s disastrous Week 2 performance versus Tampa. Anyway, best of luck to Andersen. Is this the year both he and Julio Franco win World Championship rings? We can only hope.

Water Cooler Topic #4

MTV masters football

MTV has hit another scripted-reality home run this season, with the debut of their high-school-football drama, Two-A-Days. The show focuses on the ups and downs of a full football season with a nationally-ranked Alabama high-school team. Two-A-Days takes us onto the field and into the personal lives of several of the teams standout players. Flirty cheerleaders, overbearing parents and a maniac head coach all play a role in the show.

Adam’s take: It‘s as if MTV can read my mind. Seriously, what guy wasn’t yearning for a guilty pleasure of a show that mixed football with hot high-school chicks, and had Laguna Beach as its lead-in? My high-school football team didn’t win a single game during my four years there, so I can’t really relate to the hype that surrounds Alabama football, but damn if it isn’t fun to watch. Is there any doubt that if MTV had 15 of these shows you wouldn’t sit in front of your TV for seven hours straight and watch? With the exception of that abomination Cheyenne and the spin-off cartoon Daria, MTV can do no wrong in my eyes.

Pete’s take: I can’t help but find myself filled with envy while watching this show. Nothing makes you regret playing high-school soccer as a kid quite like seeing the high-school football players of today laboring over which cheerleader to sleep with after the homecoming game. American soccer players never get to make that choice in high school. They play on auxiliary fields, in front of an audience that consists solely of parents, and do things like calisthenics. There’s no hoopla, no fame and certainly no sex with cheerleaders. There are shin guards, Umbro shorts and goal kicks. Not an even trade-off, not an even trade-off at all.

NBC bags itself a hit series and Notre Dame remains as bad as they are...