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Topic: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

So I got around to putting them together, though I have no edited them yet.

For Lon & UnderDog, I made up a Google Doc so you can go back and re-edit your stuff if you wish. (it autosaves every couple of minutes) I'll be going through tidying things up and trying to make it cohesive.https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bqX wUhf8/edit

And if anyone wants to work on a back story and connection pieces between rounds, let Lon know. (I might write some stuff if I feel inspired, but you know it's going to involve a monkey somehow.)

Now in it's not-so-polished glory, Battle Royale (so far)-

Round 1-

Shaun: When in a pinch Shaun steps up to the plate. With his bat in one hand and rifle in the other, and that human survival instinct kicks in. The boy can do some real damage when some one he loves life is on the line. There lies the problem. Shaun is a bad ass only when others are dependent on him. When it's only his life at stake, I see the flight-not fight, instinct taking over, and Shaun ultimately seeking refuge, or just running away in a 1-1 situation. Now on to, Tar Man: He's already dead and as mentioned "feels no pain." Brainless as Tar may be. That works to his advantage. You can knock the " Tar ," outta him, and he still keeps coming back at you. And he's hungry. Not like the hunger we humans feel, but an insatiable hunger driven by primal instinct. Remember when you were drunk or stoned and would do ANYTHING for a Hersheys chocolate bar or a In-N- Out burger ? I do. Now imagine that craving...X 1000. Yea, that's what I'm talking about. Couple that craving/hunger with just another thought in that brain of his: You smell like the tastiest food EVER imagined, and will taste like it too! Uh..Hu...You can bash my skull, crack my bones, stab or shoot me...but that bat of your's ain't shit. Your gonna need a gun or a big ass blade to shoot out my brains or decapitate me, if you even expect to win this battle. You ain't got either!! Game over: Advantage goes to Tar Man.

Round 2-

Freddy: His ability to shape shift would be a huge factor in beating his foe. For instance: Freddy could make CM believe he's standing there in front of him. Where as FK is actually behind him and then slash CM with his razor glove.Freddy could manipulate and shape shift to make CM thinks he's seeing something that's not really there. For instance: 12 Freddys. When in actuality FK has shape shifted and has blended in with the wall paper. "Slash...off with CM head!" As for entering his dreams! Not gonna work on CM! CM doesn't sleep. Same with his weakness of a foe not fearing him. CM fears no one! So it all comes down to abilities & weapon usage. Candy Man: He's a big boy, tall & strong! One advantage CM has that FK doesn't, is the ability to hypnotize his potential victim. Question is, would this work on FG? I say yes! CM could use that ability to hypnotize FK into using that razor glove on himself, and slicing & dicing himself to pieces. Or, even thinking FK sliced up his opponent, when in reality, he never even came close. Then hook FK in the head, or where ever he pleases. Out goes the lights Freddy! As for CM limitations. FK also doesn't know fear! No help there!! This match-up could last a very long time. How long? I can't even speculate? These two monsters are both head strong, deadly, fearless, manipulative, cunning, and just plain ol' mean mother fuckers! Given that: it's a tough call??? But, IMO I think Freddy comes up victorious. Some how - some way, Freddy "out smarts" CM in the end. " All hail, Freddy!"

Round 3-

This is one great match up!! The way I see it is: They both know they're up against one another to the death. Only one loony will walk away blood spattered, but still alive. I envision the battle taking place in a run down, 2 story, Victorian style, abandoned Bed-n-Breakfast. let's start with, Jack. Coming into this face-off: Jack's already hammered on alcohol. I don't think this works to his disadvantage, but it could. Being a long time alcoholic, Jack can handle his booze. He's smart & cunning enough to know that this is a matter of life or death situation. Drunk or not he's still pretty focused and on a mission. Armed with his weapon of choice, a sharp axe, he's ready to stalk, seek, and destroy. Jack's also being vocal while stalking his prey. Blurting out put downs about Norman's mommy, calling Norman a big pussy, and just stoking the fire burning deep in the mind of Norman. Confident in the fact that, if he can lure Norman out of the shadows. Jack can get a few good whacks in before, Norman even knows what hits him. On to Norman: Poor old tortured Normy. Not sure why he's been pitted against such a worthy foe in the first place? But that don't matter to Norman! All he knows is one thing. He's not gonna be denied of another kill, in the name of his mom. The voice in his head has given Norman the fuel to want...no, to have to kill this man who's looking to steal away the love & affection only mom can give. Norman just can't get his mom's looming voice out of his head. " Norman...Norman, what are you made of? Are you a man or a mouse...Norman?" With his brain ready to burst, fists clenched to the point where Norman is white knuckled, heart ready to beat out of his chest: Norman's ready!! He stalks his opponent prepared to plunge his blade deep into the heart of his victim. Down the halls, he treads lightly. Attempting to use the element of surprise as his advantage, as he's did sooo many times. And won! Jack's voice is heard by, Norman. Taunting him to the point of rage. Norman now begins hearing the voices in his head. Preaching Norman to utter double insanity. Norman then freezes for a split second, in the hallway on the second story. Wrestling with the voices in his brain. Attempting to calm the voices. Out of no where...Jack walks out of a room. Still taunting, torturing ol' Norman. Norman begins to run at, Jack. Butcher knife wielded in hand. Like a bull coming outta the gate in a bull fight. Jack's laughing wildly! Norman get's about a foot away from, Jack. Blade held high. But, before Norman can plunge his blade into Jack. Jack pulls out his axe from behind and his back. Takes a side swing full force, and hits a "HOME RUN!" Blood gushing, guts spewing...jack takes a hold of Norman...and gives the dying Norman a big wet kiss, goodbye. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Jack walks away victorious.

Round 4-

Being that these two monsters weakness' are sub-zero temperatures, I see this match up taking place in a desolate barren desert. And, some where that has wide open terrain, but also some kind of facility? A secret military base...yea that's it!The Thing: After being experimented on by the government for 5 yrs, The Thing, found a way to escape from it's holding cell. It didn't take long to do what it does best: Replicate & kill!! Taking down the entire staff of scientists and soldiers in the facility. A squad of elite Black-Ops were sent in to destroy, the Thing. To no avail! The Thing sought refuge in the facility and waited it out. Patience is a virtue. Not to mention easy for, The Thing. A yr passesThe Blob: In the small desert town of Victory a comet crash lands just outside the town. Four teens (go figure) who are partying in the desert see the comet crash land and decide to investigate. Finding the comet, one of the drunken teens gets a brilliant idea: Take a closer look at the fragmented, smoking comet, embedded in a 10' crater. Inside the broken comet appears to be some kind of oozing, slimy plasma...or some shit. The teen reaches out and touches the comet. Immediately he's burned (DUH!) Pissed off, he then kicks at the comet. Huge mistake!! The slime from the comet gets on his boot and takes hold. He reaches out and tries to wipe the slime from his foot. Another Huge mistake! The slime begins to work his way up his mid section, eventually engulfing the entire body. Seeing this, the other three teens book ass back to town in their Jeep. The police are contacted and a search party is organized. The Blob, after digesting it's first victim, is still hungry. It seeks out more food. Finding the military base, The Blob enters... An hour passes Awakened by strange noises, and as a possible threat, The Thing awakens from it's slumber. Meanwhile: The Blob's insatiable appetite needs quenching. Searching for another victim to give it strength. The Blob wanders the vast interior of the facility. The Thing's primal instincts senses a possible threat to it's survival. Thus the hunt begins. A show down is inevitable! Death inescapable! Hungry as hell, The Blob has been searching the vacated rooms and halls of the facility for a bite to eat. A victim to engulf and digest. Weakening by the minute from the lack of food. The Blob's search is becoming fruitless," Finally," it senses something...something strange, like nothing it has ever sensed before. Something totally foreign. Never the less, a meal, foreign or not, is necessary. Suddenly The Blob stops! A split second later. From the ceiling above, drops, The Thing. The Blob immediately responds! Engulfing The Thing that has attacked it. It's feeding time! The Blob has it's victim wrapped in it's oozing slime. The Blob slowly begins to digest it's meal. Sounds simple? It always used to be! Not this time though!! The Thing is not of this Earth. It's composition can not be broken down. Even by The Blob. The Thing's alien structure is poison to it's enemy. Too late! The Blob explodes into fragmented spatter. Too fragmented to reconstruct. Oblivious to what has happened, other than it being attacked. The Thing makes it's way back to it's place of hiding. To again wait for another victim to replicate, and decimate. Time is on it's side...patience is a virtue....

Winner by necessity: The Thing.

Month 1 Face Off-Shaun and Jack get bounced first by Freddy. FK would shred the shit outta them both, in record time, with his razor glove. Freddy puts up a good fight vs The Blob, but it the end is no match for the space amoeba. The Blob, engulfs Freddy and makes a tasty midnight snack of him.Winner and champion: The Blob.

Month 1 Exhibition- (UnderDog didn't write one for this, so I'm substituting mine)OK, first off- I love 'Lap Dog' & 'Momma's Boy' vs. 'Slut' & 'Nerd.'Interesting fight here. On one side we have the practiced and patient duo of LapBoy, while the other side of SlutNerd has superior firepower. But, Super Team LapBoy are also a bit nutso while SlutNerd Team Awesome keep their cool in some really ridiculous situations, and can improvise (lawnmower).A lot will depend on the situation of the fight. If S.T. LapBoy flat out surprises SlutNerd T.A., LapBoy wins in a first round OKW (Over-Kill Win). But, LapBoy likes to toy with its intended victims, which may tip off SlutNerd to some nefarious motives. I'm going with it is NOT a surprise attack, but a measured setup by S.T. LapBoy.Stu gets the drop on Cynthia and get a few knife sticks in, but she does get off a small blast of flame before succumbing to her wounds. Stu is still alive, but crispy and at about 15% usefulness and -22% sanity. Meanwhile Billy & Chris are doing gun-fu, and Billy get the first shot in. Chris get an arm-grazing shot off and falls down. Billy get all Dr. Evil and starts gloating over the bleeding Chris, who then whips shotgun up and shotguns the hell out of Billy's crotch.Chris limps around, find Krispy Fried Stu playing with dolls, then finds the still barely alive Cynthia and calls for help.KFC Stu ends up in the mental ward, Cynthia & Chris recover. Billy is buried sans banana and berries.WINNER- SlutNerd Team Awesome

Round 5-

Weighing in at a mere 120 lbs you'd think Buffy could be easily over powered by her foe(s). Not this gal! Buffy's, been trained in martial arts by one of the top masters, and has honed those skills. She's also accustomed to battling fast moving & cunning vampires, being attacked unexpectedly by usually more than one vamp at a time, even being cornered or limited in movement. Despite all this, Buffy's over came the odds and has come out victorious each and every time. Using enhanced speed, lethal hands/feet, to drive a stake into the hearts of her victims.

Francisco, may be a pretty relaxed kind of a guy, but is always ready to take down a zombie or two, or even three, if need be. He's been doing his job for quite some time now. Polished in the art of putting the rising dead back where they belong. Francisco, has become too confident in his ways! The zombies he's been taking out through the years are SLOW moving. Unlike the Woman he's battling now. Who's lightning fast.

Francisco may be able to get a shot or two off, he may be lucky enuf to even graze Buffy in the arms or legs? That's about it though! Buffy easily handles, Franky in this match-up. Kicking & punching him till he's on his knees, bruised and battered, sucking wind, and out of ammo. Buffy takes down the slower, less capable Francisco outta his misery. Coming up from behind him and snapping his neck like a twig! Winner: Buffy...who never even broke a sweat.

Round 6-As others have said " this is a tough call!"Crowley: is one buffed, mean, stalking, ax wielding, merciless, fugly, mofo! This bastard is not only silent for a beast of his size & stature, but also relentless in his pursuit when stalking his prey. He doesn't hide though. And why should he! You can hit, kick, scratch, stab, shoot, or even set him on fire. All to no avail! Crowley eats pain for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He relishes pain. And, when Crowley gets his mits on you...your a goner. Crowley doesn't just kick your ass. Crowley pulverizes

El Wray: Is one Bad Ass mother fucker! The Man doesn't takes shit from anyone. He dishes it out! El Wray's a man of few words, a ladies man, agile, fast on his feet, lethal with his hands, and nimble as a gymnast. At first sight Wray's easy to misjudge because of his size. Packing dual guns, a machine gun, and double switchblades. Not to mention being trained in martial arts. You have NO chance going against him. El Wray will slice & dice you up, and then shoot enough holes in your body to make you look like human swiss cheese. All in a matter of a millisecond.Yea, Crowly's tougher than nails! Yea, Crowley is strong. Yea, Crowly is a brute.El Wray's just too damn fast for, Crowley. Crowley would never be able to get his hands on, El Wray.What you can't touch: you can't hurt/kill. "Viva El Wry...viva El Wray!!"

Round 7- (Underdog didn't post for this round, so I'm using SwollenGuy's post)Sam besides having a great name we must assume is the spirit of the Halloween/Samhain festivals. Being that the Samhain festival predates Halloween by hundred possibly thousands of years and involved ancient Celtic magic we can also assume little Sam is an ancient and very powerful spirit. The kind that Chucky in human form prayed to for life after death.I think Sam would put Chucky in his place and possibly use him to do mischief on Halloween.Winner: Sam

Round 8- (not so much of a story this time out, so I included Undy's and Lon's takes)-UnderDog-Mahogany: Highly resistant to pain and also a sociopath. As skilled as any chef on this planet with his trio of cut-lery.Pluto: Highly resistant to pain, but not a sociopath. Yields only an ax. Would rather skin you alive and use tenderizer on you, than beat you to a bloody pulp.Battle of the Brutes: In record time in "The VS," battles Mahogany slices, dices, fillets, and then serves up Pluto as the main course.Lon-How I'd break it down:Thinking about this fight, I first considered the opponents each faced in their respective movies.Mahogany was taken down by a photographer trying to save his girlfriend in a gruelling one-on-one fight.Pluto was taken down by a nerdy father determined to rescue his kidnapped baby in a gruelling one-on-one fight.As I weighed which opponent was tougher, I concluded that a father trying to save his child's life, no matter how nerdy that father may be, is going to be a helluva lot tougher than a photographer out to save his girlfriend. A bit of a subjective view, but that's the point I came to.Ultimately, however, the results were the same: they were both killed by their opponents, so I decided not to take that into consideration after all and look at it purely from a physical perspective.Pluto is a big motherfucker who wields a wicked battle axe and is strong enough to use that weighty instrument as if it were light as a hammer. He's "retard strong" (heh) and can take a lot of abuse.Mahogany, as great a character as he is, is the smaller of the two. His weapons may be more plentiful but they're also smaller, and as we saw in Hills '06 Pluto can shrug off multiple stab/impalement wounds and keep right on coming. And while Mahogany is strong himself, he's not so strong that he can toss his opponent through walls, like Pluto did several times.My take: Pluto wins. He's just too big and strong for the cancerous Mahogany to deal with.

Month 2 finals-As Mahogany and Chucky go at it, Buffy & El Wray await the victor. Mahogany makes small work of Chucky. El Wray & Buffy join forces against Mahogany. While Buffy distracts Mahogany, El Wray breaks out his Machine gun and fires away at Mahogany. Riddled with bullets Mahogany goes down and never gets up. Being a ladies man and a gentleman. El Wray asks Buffy "if they can reconcile and just walk away with lives intact?" Buffy agrees! As El Wray begins to step outta the ring...Buffy attempts to sneak up on El Wray and catch him off guard. That was a BIG mistake!! El Wray is never, ever, off guard. He turns around in a flash just before Buffy drives the stake in his heart, redirects the stake, planting it in Buffys crotch. As Buffys falling to her knees. El Wray wraps his arms around her, lowering Buffy gently to the ground, whispering into her ear " it didn't have to go down this way darling," as she slowly slips into death.Winner: El Wray.

Month 2 Exhibition-After robbing a liquor store in broad day light, shooting up the place, taking 6 lives (one a off duty cop) Mickey & Malory make their get away. Hot on their trail, the coppers are in pursuit. M & M take a back road that leads to what looks like a dilapidated, abandoned house to seek refuge for the night and lick their wounds. Mickey breaks out a qt of tequila he grabbed on the way out of the store, plops himself on the sofa, then beckons Malory over to celebrate their kills. After a few gulps M & M begin exploring the house. Finding nothing but a few newspaper articles of missing persons dating back from 6 mos to 3 yrs ago. M & M get bored and decide to have a few more shots of the booze.Tired and in a drunken state they both fall asleep.Otis & Baby on a return trip from gathering supplies in the city, notice a car parked in the back of the house. Otis tells Baby to go to the front of the house and wait there while he explores the house and makes sure the coast is clear. Entering through the basement window, Otis packing his 9mm, silent as a cat and cool as the other side of the pillow, makes his way up the stairs leading to the main floor of the house.M & M may be drunk and still tired, but some how still hear a slight noise some where in the house. Like panthers they spring up from the couch and duck behind it! Otis makes his way to the living room and notices something different, but just can't put his finger on it? Walking towards the kitchen he then sees the half empty bottle of tequila on the floor. Otis bends down to pick it up. Mallory suddenly stands up from behind the couch, as Mickey crawls away out of sight. Otis points his 9mm at Malory and says " I don't know what your doing here girlie, but you got less than 10 seconds to explain before I put 1/2 doz rounds in that pretty lil body of yours...which would be a damn shame." Malory (giggling), playfully tells Otis she's on the run from her abusive boyfriend and just needs a place to stay for a few hrs, and she will... Ummmm' some how pay him back if she can stay. Lowering his weapon, Otis cautiously draws closer to her. Malory instinctively looks at Otis and begins to caress her breasts. When Otis is close enuf, Malory grabs his left hand and places it on her pert breasts. *click*-- Mickey tells Otis " on your knees mother fucker. Try anything stupid and I have a bullet with your name on it!" Malory takes the 9mm from Otis and points it at his forehead. Mickey, grabs the bottle of tequila and guzzles. Ordered to take a seat on the sofa, Otis (swearing all the while) complies. 4 shots ring out!! Malory looks at her body oozing blood in 3 different areas. Mickey turn to his left to see, Baby holding a smoking gun now pointed in his direction. In a blinding rage Mickey manages to shoot off 2 rounds while also seeking refuge. Baby stalks him.*BAM*-- Another shot rings loud to all ears. Baby goes down in a pool of blood, mortally wounded. Malory with a blood tainted smile runs to Mickey. Mickey tells Malory to hide while he looks for the other bastard. Malory can barely move from the shots she sustained. Mickey helps her up. *Boom-BOOM*-- Otis appears outta no where. Mickey hits the floor! With both M & M wounded, Otis slowly walks up to them, cocks his gun and fires a bullet into Mickey's chest. Malory quickly grabs the gun from Mickey's hand, fires a few shots at Otis, then tells Otis with her last dying breath " fuck you cunt!!...."In this epic VS match there is no winner. There are only 4 dead bodies.

Round 9-Ash gets caught in a time vortex and is transported to a not-so distant future in N.Y...." Now where the hell am I?" Looking around the landscape, Ash sees nothing familiar around him other than lots of very tall buildings, abandoned vehicles, lots of garbage, and a slight odor; the stink of flesh. Wandering aimlessly through the streets and exploring abandoned shops for water & food, Ash * finally* hears what sounds some what like a struggling voice...voices. " Hopefully someone can clue me in where the hell I am?" With long strides he tries to pin point where, and in what direction the voices are coming from. Always leery, pessimistic, and well aware of his traditional bad luck, Ash slows down his pace to a slow stride. * clink...clink...kr-thud, kr-thud, kr-thud* Side stepping into an alley way he sees 3 raging un-dead, and they're running straight towards him, and fast. " Aw' fuck not again!! Your not the Hooter girls! Boom Stick time!" Kissing his 12 gauge weapon and then checking to be sure it's fully loaded, Ash pulls the trigger * Ka- Boom...* " 1 Down, 2 to go. Why me?" Running away Ash slips on a banana peel, hits his head on a trash can: breaking his nose, then lands on the unforgiving asphalt. Slightly dazed, but not confused. Ash pulls out some much needed ammo from his belt. Locked & loaded, pissed off to the max, Ash gets off another shot just as one of the smelly, raging fucks is diving at him. * Ka-Boom* " Off with your head. Tylenol ain't gonna cure you" * Another infected lunges at Ash * " You ugly stinking son a bitch ain't having me for a meal today!" Wrestling for his life for what feels like hrs, Ash finally gets the upper hand. Grabbing a broken bottle from the ground, Ash drives the bottle through the mouth of the last undead.Killing it instantly! " Now, where's a damn 7-11. I need a Slurpee and bean & cheese burrito!"Edit: As Ash begins his journey in search of a well earned Slurpee & burrito he begins to feel odd. Wiping a few blood droplets from his eyes....Constantly in deep shit, always the Underdog, never someones/somethings easy meal. Ash, reigns victoriously.

Round 10-After being kidnapped by a intergalactic race of aliens and taken to the distant planet of Tralfamia. Brundle-Fly & Xenomorph are placed in a spherical shaped housing for the the viewing pleasure of their audience...Brundle & Xeno begin to awaken simultaneously. Confused, groggy, and unaware he's not alone, out of primal instinct Xeno cautiously surveys his surroundings. All too soon he realizes he's in a strange place. Brundle scarcely can see anything at this point, but is able to gain balance and prop himself up from a nearby oval wall. Brundle attempts yet again to focus. As soon as Brundle's vision clears he spots another body in close proximity. The two stare at one another. Xeno sizing up, Brundle. Brundle trying to just make sense of, Xeno. A voice is then heard by both... " Welcome to Tralfamia. We Tralfamians are communicating with you telepathically. Understand that you have been taken here for observation purposes only. We mean you no harm and hope to accommodate you both, to the best of our abilities. If there is anything you may need? We are able to supply it." Xeno raises his deadly spiked tail, pointing it upward, gesturing defiance! Brundle quickly realizing that, Xeno's not happy about the situation slowly retreats backwards, distancing himself from Xeno. As Xeno's rage some what subsides, he turns his attention to Brundle who's now on all fours. Xeno can't hold back! Xeno spits his acid fluid towards Brundle and shrieks a deafening cry of hostility. With tail erect Xeno swiftly lunges at Brundle. Brundle quickly springs upward to avoid the assault. Now clinging to the oval ceiling, Brundle contemplates his next move? Xeno lashes his deadly tail targeting Brundle. While still clinging to the ceiling and having to reposition time and time again, just barely out of Xeno's reach, Brundle narrowly escapes harm. Conflicting thoughts occur to Brundle. "Can Xeno be reasoned with? Should I attempt to reason? yes...no...??... NO!!" Survival mode kicks in. Brundle decides to fight back! Frustrated, Xeno hurls acid at Brundle. This time Brundle doesn't fully escape the lethal projection. The acidic properties quickly begin to rot and burn away at one of Brundle's legs. Unable to keep his hold on the ceiling, Brundle drops to the floor. Knowing his foe is handicapped, Xeno senses a possible victory. Standing above the injured Brundle, Xeno bends down, just inches away from Brundle. Xeno prepares to lunge his spiked tongue into Brundle's skull. Ending this facade, so he can focus on escaping his imprisonment. Brundle, without notice grabs onto Xeno's spiked tail. Pulling Xeno off balance, onto the floor, and spitting his own acid onto the face of Xeno. Now partially blinded and disoriented, with inhuman strength Brundle drives the tail into Xeno's brain. Xeno lashes blindingly, furiously, and futile! Brundle-Fly is already clinging to the ceiling. Safe form harm. Like a fly on the wall...Winner: Brundle-Fly.

In this match I wanted to try something different. Why not have the underdog win this match? After all it is possible! Kinda like the (NFL) Colts winning a game or two this yr. And it did happen, but who woulda thought. So there ya go.

Round 11- (UnderDog wasn't very sure about this one, so I included Lon's thoughts, too)-Underdog-In all honesty I'm not too familiar with either villain. So after some thought I drew up the conclusion that...Cropsey & Warden meet up in a old mine. Cropsey is not familiar with the environment, while Warden is right at home. As the battle ensues, Cropsey does manage to get in a few minor clips that does very little damage to Harry. Harry seeks refuge in the dark caverns. Cropsey has to seek out, Harry. Harry, hidden in the dark, awaits patiently for Cropsey to fall into his trap, and when Crpsey finally does appear, with just one blow to the head, takes out Cropsey.Winner:Harry Warden.Lon-How I'd break it down:Harry Warden is big, mean, aggressive and armed with a pick-axe.Cropsey is smaller but quick, with a lighter weapon.A pick-axe is a heavy instrument to wield; Harry's a strong fellow, but you can't just point a pitchfork at someone and chop into them. You have to rear it back, and swing it forward, putting your weight into it. If you miss your target, the weight of the pitchfork pulls you forward, leaving you off-balance, if even for a second or two, and exposed.Cropsey has been completely immolated, but survived. He knows pain. He lives with it on a day by day, minute to minute basis. He can take some punishment. His weapon is more versatile; whereas Harry's pick-axe is purely a hacking weapon, Cropsey's razor-sharp shears can be used to stab, hack, cut, slice, penetrate. Warden has no problem handling one victim at a time. But Cropsey took out an entire raft full of victims all at once. Warden is big and powerful, but Cropsey is fast, precise and ferocious. Like with the Torrance and Bates fight, while Warden draws back his pick-axe for a swing, Cropsey lands a clean stab to the throat -- or any part of Warden's anatomy he prefers -- before Warden has landed a single blow.My take: Cropsey wins.

Round 12- (another short one from UnderDog, so I'm sticking Lon's in again)-UnderDog-Although Father McGruder doesn't go down easy. Even divine intervention won't save him. C.H.U.D would just wait it out and when the chance comes it grabs a hold of McGruder and shreds him to bite size pieces. C.H.U.D being radioactive takes this battle.

Lon-How I'd break it down:For a Catholic Priest, Father McGruder is one bad ass, fast-footed motherfucker. The way he tore into those zombies in Dead Alive is one of the many comical highlights of that movie. The zombies in Dead Alive are super-strong, fast and manically aggressive and he took out, what was it, three or four of them before finally being killed himself.C.H.U.D. is very strong, yes, but also slower, more plodding. But they're also more resilient than the Dead Alive zombies. The real question is, would McGruder be able to land enough blows to take down a C.H.U.D. before he tired himself out?I don't think he could. I see going down like the "Jason vs Boxer on the Roof" fight from Friday the 13th part VIII. McGruder would get in a lot of good shots, but C.H.U.D. would simply take them until McGruder was worn out to throw another one, then move in for the kill.My take: C.H.U.D. wins.

Months 3 finals-

Part 1- Ash's head is pounding, his limbs feel limp as 3 day old spaghetti, and to top it off he doesn't know where the hell he is, again? Last thing Ash remembers was...sipping a well earned Slurpee and popping a burrito into a microwave at a 7-11. Like a fluttering dim bulb, clouded memories begin to surface; The Slurpee and burrito were the aftermath of having to fight off three, strong as hell, bloody eyed, zombie like mother fuckers! Surveying his surroundings Ash realizes he's in a dimly lit cavern of some sort. How he ended up here doesn't matter? What does matter is he finds a way out! (half an hour later) Ash is lost in the maze of cavernous subterranean paths leading to who the hell knows where. Then he spots it. " A light up ahead. Gotta be the exit." Following the soft glow, Ash realizes the light is moving. He stops! Pulling out his trusty shotgun, having to refocus, the light appears to be gliding, like a over grown firefly. Then it fades, and soon disappears... " Hell no! What ever that was I'm guessing it knows where it's going, and it's could lead me to the mouth of this labyrinth of mazes." (Not your luck, Ash! At least not today.) As Ash treks through the dusty paths, chasing the escaped light, he hears a noise that sounds like... scraping? Shotgun in hand, ever ready to blast, Ash continues on, but now with caution. *huff...huff...Hhhhh.* " That ain't no damn firefly!" Lowering his weapon in the direction of the noise, Ash proceeds onward, in battle mode. *WHOOSH* Narrowly escaping a harrowing, and most likely lethal blow to the body, Ash steps back. *BOOM!!!* Ash fires off a misguided stray round. Hoping he at least hit or grazed what ever it is that attacked him? Suddenly a brighter light appears about 20 yards in front of him and what appears to be a hulking human figure holding a pick axe. " I'm guessing your not here to rescue me, are ya? If your interested? I can show you the way to a 7-11 and we could grab us a Slurpee to wash down this dust?." The looming figure sprints at full speed towards Ash. Ash fires off another shot...missing his target. Now upon him is the unknown assailant. Quickly, Ash holds up his weapon, deflecting the blow of the pick that was meant to gouge him. Ash is knocked to the floor, but not hurt. He rolls away from another strike. And another. " Screw this, I need to get away!" Ash scrambles to his feet, dodging the striking pick two more times. Picking up his shotty, Ash manages to gain some distance from the crazed killer, who obviously doesn't want to sip a Slurpee with him. "Maybe I should have asked if it was a burrito that sounded good? Naw' he looks more like a Slurpee kind of a guy." And why am I running? And why am I talking to myself about burritos & Slurpee's?" Ducking around a corner, Ash can hear the faint foot steps that are tracking him. " If it's a fight you want- it's a fight you'll get!" *Seconds later* Ash has to time this right, or it's lights out! As the figure comes in view, Ash takes his shot. *CLICK* "Outta ammo! Damn!!!" Ash takes a swift, stinging kick to his ribs, that rolls him to his side. Knowing another blow of some sort, most likely the pick again, is due. Ash sends out a kick that misses it's intended target. Another blow of the pick comes striking down and nails Ash, painfully lodging in his knee. Ash strike back with a blow of his own using the butt of his shotgun. This time he doesn't miss though. Warden stumbles back... Ash takes advantage! " Doesn't feel so good...does it?" Having bought a few more seconds. Ash, now has the luxury of possibly reloading his shotgun. Reaching towards his gun belt he feels for ammo, and finds just one. "Last shell Ash... make it count!" Ash loads, cocks, rolls, then takes aim. * KA-BOOM* Blood flies. A body lies still. Ash crawls to the lifeless body. Not taking any chances, Ash pulls the pick out of his leg. " This is gonna hurt you-more than it hurt me." Sending several blows to the head of Warden. Only pulp remains of what used to be a skull. "Shoulda taken me up on that Slurpee, ay' big guy."

Ash, again escapes death. How? He's a survivor! Plain-n-simple.

To be continued...( I'm gonna make this match a two, maybe even three parter?)Part 2: 2 hours after kicking ass on some pick-axe wielding, crazed miner. Ash is still lost in the labyrinth he woke up in, but at least he's still alive. Although his body feels half dead from pain, exhaustion, hunger, and dehydration. Limping from the pick-axe blow he took in the knee, Ash perseveres on in search of a way out: all the while cursing every God he's ever heard of, and making up a few himself, just for good measure. A rumbling reverberating sound echoes up ahead of him some where in the darkness of his confines. "Now what? Or should I say who now? Why can't I just for once be transported to, and wake up in some place where demons, lunatics, aren't trying to kill me? Like... on Gilligan's island. Yea! Hell, Stallag 13 of Hogans Heroes would even work. Shut up Ash, your talking to yourself again and are sounding kinda loony." A louder rumble this time again rings out in the far off distance. Out of ammo, Ash grabs a hold of the stock of his trusty shotgun and proceeds on. Just a few yards ahead he sees a light green glow coming out of the ground. The illuminating glow reminded him of the Kryptonite he had read about in the pages of comic books. Now in front of, and looking down upon the glowing floor, a surge of rock and dust showers upward. Pulling itself out of the recently opened pit is a monstrosity of a thing. Even bigger in mass, and no doubt more threatening than anything he's ever seen. " Ummm...you wouldn't happen to have any food or water on ya would you. Maybe even a band-aid or two?" Ash swings to the head of the thing in front of him with his shotgun, using all the force he can muster. Which ain't much! The radioactive thing called C.H.U.D. takes the blow, barely noticing he's been hit. C.H.U.D easily seizes the now fragmented weapon from Ash, and casts it away. Ash does the only thing he can and tries to run. His throbbing leg won't allow it. A fast shuffle is all he can manage. Even the surging adrenaline running through his veins can't give him the distance Ash so desperately needs. Ash realizes it's fight, not flight, that is his only hope of survival. In a last ditch effort Ash turn to face the thing called C.H.U.D. " All right you son-of-a-bitch, come and get some then!!" C.H.U.D hesitates his assault. Looks up. Something drops from above, and onto the face of C.H.U.D. " What the Fu... is that, Ash mutters?"

To be continued....Part 3-- In a matter of seconds the Alien looking thing that dropped with out warning, or fear, onto the face of C.H.U.D., Xeno, blinds C.H.U.D. by spitting acid onto it's face. Xeno latches off the face and drops onto the floor to finish off the blinded C.H.U.D. Using his deadly tail over and over to cut into C.H.U.D's body effortlessly. C.H.U.D never even knew what hit him. Xeno leaps on top of the lifeless body of C.H.U.D. With out any weapon, drained of energy from lack of food or water, hobbling on one good leg, and totally fucked as always; Ash must rely on luck, or a semi automatic rifle capable of taking down an elephant, magically appearing in his hands, if he's to stay alive much longer. " Think...think...think Ash..." Still in thought, Ash feels a stinging sensation. Blood begins spurting from his stomach. As quickly as it entered, Xenos serrated tail exits the wound. Dropping to his knees, Ash feels nothing. The pain has totally subsided. A life of memories flash in front of him. The lights begin to fade, as does his life. No doubt Ash is a hero amongst heroes. Bet no matter how hard I tried, or how much I wanted him to win, it was futile to even try to write a story that made sense, with Ash coming out the victor against all three of these stone cold killers. As much as I love the guy. Alien, in my mind would reign supreme. And rightfully so!R.I.P. King Ash, and may you rot in hell C.H.U.D & Harry Warden!!

Month 3 exhibition- (another 2 author post)-Undy-Inferno's on Netflix instant, but Sus isn't, and the local vid shop doesn't carry it So I can't give an educated opinion and will just have to use my over imaginative mind on whom I think would win this match up.I see this as being a really close match because both baddies have pretty much the same weapons, abilities, specialties, and weaknesses. I almost want to call this one a draw. But we all know draws don't happen often in any sort of battles. So I won't. I think what the difference between winning or losing ultimately comes down to is, who's more cunning of these two heathens. My guess would have to be....Mater Sus: Mater S, looks to be ancient. That said; when someone reaches what looks to be at least 100 yrs old. It's not outta luck. Mater S, I'm sure, has survived because this long because, she's a bad ass, and not to be f***** with!!" I'm assuming Mater Sus has taken down bigger, badder, as; or even more powerful, even uglier foes than Mater Tenebrarum, more than once. How? With age-comes wisdom. Suspiriorum, some how get's a slight edge in the battle and takes advantage of it. Taking out Tenebrarum. But not after sustaining mass injuries herself.Winner: M. Suspiriorum, but just barely

Lon-How I'd break it down:Mater Suspirorum and Mater Tenebrarum both have tremendous influence over their covens and can will their subjects to commit all manners of atrocities. What this fight comes down to for me, though, is how each went out. Suspiriorum's human form was confined to a bed and she was ultimately killled with a stab in the neck. Tenebrarum's human form, on the other hand, was younger, healthier and it took burnind her house down with her in it to kill her.Tactically, while Mater Suspiria seemed to specialize in causing anguish to her victims, tormenting them for lengths of time before finally killing them off, Tenebrarum was much more direct, and influenced her killers to murder much more violently. If the two were to face off, I think the younger, stronger Tenebrarum would take out decrepit old Suspiria without even having to resort to magic. My take: Tenebrarum wins.

Round 13-

(1974) In the small town of Round Rock, Texas: Horrendous crimes have been discovered by the local police dept. A family of cannibalistic killers who have murdered, maimed, and tortured their victims, for what appears to be over a period of 10 or more years, have been brought to justice. One of the killers arrested was taken to a asylum located in Illinois. No real name for this killer has yet to be discovered. He is only known as, Leather Face. Leather Face has been locked away in the asylum for the better part of 10 years now.

The door to his cell slides opens. Leather Face's feeble mind questions not why, or how. Stepping out of the cell, he looks towards his left and spots a open door. Leather Face's first and foremost thought is to locate his chainsaw. Remembering a time when he was taken to a room for shock therapy, and had spotted another room that held a chainsaw, Leather Face begins his search. After futilely searching more than 30 min, he then spots a familiar door marked " grounds keeper," and quickly busts it open. Lying on a shelf in front of him is a coveted chainsaw. Like a kid seeing his first red Schwinn bike in front of the Christmas tree, he seizes it!5:00 AM: *WAaa...Waaa...Waaa*: Alarms sound in the asylum. Red lights blink on-n-off through out, alerting all staff that there are patient(s) missing. A total lock down is is put in place on the asylum.Michael makes a break from the cafeteria when he hears the deafening sounds of alarms ringing out. Leather Face chooses to hide in the shadows. Both realizing the need to escape. Michael treads the halls looking for an escape route to the outside. Hearing the voices of staff in pursuit. Michael decides to seek shelter. With mighty strides he comes upon an isolated and dark room he thinks will hide him. Upon entering, Michael trips over a body, a dead body at that. *WHIRRrrrrr-ip* Michael feels something he hasn't felt in a very long time. Pain! His left arm has been ripped open and blood is pouring from the gash effortlessly. Michael raises his Blade and lashes out in the darkness. *WHIRrrr-ip* Again Michael feels pain. This time in his back. Michael reaches out in full extent with his blade, guiding the blade in a 360 motion. Dank air is all that it touches. He perpetually stabs to-fro, up-down. The blade appears to have taken on a life of it's own. * WHIRrrr...WHIRrrr * Sparks light up the room when the chainsaw this time misses it's intended target, instead hitting only the lifeless metal legs of a chair. The sparks allow Michael to now see what and who it is that's caused him pain. Michael stands to face his nemesis. Some what bewildered, Leather Face holds his ground. The two opposing gargantuan figures only pause for seconds before the imminent clash of their steel weapons meet. Like a clash of titans they are locked in battle. Michael makes contact with the full force of his blade to the gut of Leather Face. In a fury of lethal stabs two more strikes find their target. Leather Face, oblivious to physical pain, counters back with his weapon *WHIRrrr*, partially severing the left hand of Michael. Michael's right hand is all he needs, it's the one that still holds the blade. Lunging, Michael takes aim at the attacker, simultaneously grabbing the wrist of leather Face with his bleeding left hand, and with his blade in right hand, finds a main artery in the neck of Leather Face. Michael senses the life threatening injury to leather Face, that he's inflicted. Then steps away...as if to admire and praise the bleeding wound of leather Face. Leather Face, still holding onto his whirring chain saw, drops to the ground. Michael, momentarily gazes upon the pool of blood flowing from the throat of leather Face, and with one last glorious thrust of his blade...casts the life taking blow into the brain of Leather Face.If this were a movie. I would have these two square off a minimum of three times before death occurs.The probability of either one of these two killing one another, in a single battle, is beyond scope. In my case, time is limited. I had to make it quick ￼ So after much thought??? I gave the match to, Michael.Good match pitting these two classic killers against one another, Lon. Gracias! It was a real pleasure writing this one up!

Round 14-

Part 1) Elephants, monkeys, tigers, and clowns, parade down the streets in the small town of Portland, Maine. Main street is littered with families, mostly kids, all trying to get a good look of the wild animals and zany clowns the circus has to offer. Upon opening day, next to the big top is a side show tent that depicts several images of a ghastly creature. A creature that resembles something not of this world. Blackish-Blue, wrinkled skin, a face only a night terror could conjure, a long whip like tail, and fingers that could shred a lion with ease. In the front of the tent is a barker chanting " Come one-Come all! Step right up, if you dare, and see the devilish creature we call Pumpkin Head, who comes straight from the bowels of Hell!"

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

I was kind of joking way back about turning this into an actual short story, but after re-reading all that, plus there is a ton of other good posts by others that can be incorporated, I'm not so sure it's that far fetched at this point.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

Lon- remember when I said I was going to set up the Battle Bracket with the images? I actually started on it. I'm either going to have to shrink the images down to the point you can't read the text (besides the names), or the thing is going to be about 4 feet X 5 feet large. Which would probably look really sweet in full color. I know UPS has a 3 foot wide color printer.... I'll think about it.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

^^^ Cool, man. You're actually putting a lot more work into this thing than I ever did! All I did was pick a bunch of names and set up a fight schedule; in baseball terms merely batted a double, while you're knocking it out of the park!

Y'know, I could give you my photobucket link to all the "fight card" pics (though there are still several I haven't made yet) if it makes it easier for you.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

No, they're the same resolution. I made them just the right size to fith them plus the "vs" graphic side by side, or else they'd come out stacked like they do in the Monthly Finals posts, though that can't be avoided due to there always being four participants. Of course I could resize them for those monthly fights so they'd all fit side by side, but you wouldn't be able to see the text at all.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

I'll see what I can do. The most important thing is the names, which isn't being lost. (I tried uploading it to Google docs, but it keeps whining at me, so I gave up) Just the details you put underneath. Not like it's ending any time soon, ha!

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

azzy, I've been thinking about what you said. About possibly putting together a story that combines all the previous ones. Is that even possible? Even for a "out of this world," mind like yours? If so...that would be epically, epic.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

^^The only thing I've come up with is a Mortal Kombat setting so far, which would be so... lame. I'm hoping one of the twisted minds here can come up with an idea that could tie all these characters together in a sensible way. I know there is a way to put it all together, I just haven't seen it yet. I know it's there.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

In a parallel universe, an all-powerful being called The Beyonder, having grown bored with an empty infinity, magically teleports all his favorite horror film characters to a patch-work battle planet of his own creation made of cities and towns he's ripped from surrounding planets. Their purpose: to battle one another for his amusement.

The winner shall be given the title of the Deadliest Horror Movie Warrior and shall be regaled by generations to come; the losers will be implanted onto a dead technology called Beta-Max, doomed to never being seen or rented again.

There ya go.

(Yeah, I totally ripped that idea off of the Marvel Comics' "Secret Wars" series from 1984-85 )

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

Here’s a start of a possible tie together story, I just wrote it so forgive typos it needs to be cut down and cleaned.

Jake and Tad has ridden out to old downtown to the Video Shack. The video store was one of the last holdouts. Other than “The Shack” (as the boys lovingly called it) A few thrift stores and Perkins real-estate was all that was left of the old city center. The rest of the brick buildings sat empty in the shadows of the ancient willow trees that lined the street.

The Shack didn’t get the new releases but that didn’t concern the boys they came for the scary movies, of which the little shops collection was second to none. A lot were on VHS, which had to be watched at Tad’s since he had an old player of his dads. It didn’t matter much because they couldn’t watch those movies at Jake’s house any how unless his mother wasn’t home, she didn’t approve of “that garbage”.

They were riding back from The Shack with a copy of a Full-moon double future when they came upon the old Fox Theater. The vestige movie palace had been closed since before the boys had been born. Its huge art deco marquee sat ominously on the center of Main Street. Huge boarded up doors hid behind the old ticket booth that rose like an island in a sea of broken tile. Jake stopped his bike and peered at the reassess in the wall and imagined all the wonderful posters that must have hung there in its heyday.

“This place creeps me out.” Tad said stopping just behind Jake trying to see what his friend was looking at.

“My dad says he saw Friday the thirteenth here opening weekend! I Wish I could have seen a scary movie here back then.”

“Not me, if I had a wish it would be to be in a scary movie.” Tad said looking at the box cover in his hand.

Jake looked at it too with shared enthusiasm. As the boys spoke a cloud moved in front of the sun casting blue and dark shadows over everything, and a cold breeze blew.

“Me too but not to get hacked up. You know if I really had a wish, I wish I could see these two fight it out” Jake took the box and pointed to one and then the other creature star of the double feature.

“Oh yeah what I wouldn’t give to see that!” Tad almost shouted excited with his friends idea.

“Great whishes boys! I think we can manage em.” Said a gravelly voice that seemed to emanate out of the breeze.

Startled the boys looked to see a tall man in an ushers uniform standing in the ticket booth.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

Nah not MK. I was going more for Last action hero meets creep show. If i was to go with it I would put the boys in a world were all there fave movies were real (that was one of the wishes). Tying each brawl together while putting them in danger and using them for point of view.

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

^^ Now that Lon & swollen have weighed in their thoughts. It also gave me an idea.

Combine both scenarios/plots: The two kids at the theater get whisked away to another dimension by the usher, and land in a place where a tournament is being held by, The Beyonders...aka (Watchers, from the comics).

You don't necessarily have to use those names or characters? Maybe just as a premise?

I too will put some thought into this story and try to add my own possible plot(s).

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

Lon and I came up with a new idea, sort of based on the story of Abdul Alhazred and the movie 'Necronomicon: Book of the Dead.' Guy spends his life searching out weird shit, on his death bed he tells his friend about it.

Here's a bit-=============

The Last Words and Journal of Edward Jenkings.---

Forward

I was at Edward's side when he finally passed from his mortal coil. Besides giving me his journal, he gave me accounts that would shrivel a man's fortitude. I present his words and research to the world so that all may know that there are things beyond our ken, things which we should not ever seek. Here I shall present the experiences and knowledge that Edward has given me. I am too afraid to verify these accounts, and after you read them, I dare say that you will be too.

-Arthur Montgomery-------

Preliminary Interview

"Arthur, my dear friend, I have seen and read things that are not fit for people to know. But I must tell at least one person, and though it weighs nightly on me, you are the only friend who may be able to carry this burden. As you know, I have all my life sought that which was considered supernatural, or unnatural, or just completely fantastic. I tell you- there are things out there, perhaps that only intersect with our reality occasionally. But they are horrible things. Some I have seen myself, with my own cursed eyes, others I gleaned from news reports, or sometimes from eyewitness accounts. I have written as much within my journal, which I give you now as I soon will pass without an heir to lay this heavy burden upon. I need to describe how these tortuous events unfolded, so please record my words for the future.

"It all started in my twenties when after much searching I found the Necronomicon. Yes, that book that all believe Lovecraft created in his mind. No, it was not fiction. It was a real book he found buried deep in the libraries that he loved to haunt. The "Mad Arab" Abdul Alhazred was real. He, too, saw things much as I did. He was not mad without reason. I may be mad; how am I to know? I will let you, or others, judge my statements and writings. I had run down many, many leads as to the veracity of this book, and it took me many years and many miles of traveling, but I finally found it in an old Cambodian temple. How it got there, no one knows. But that story is for another day. Let me recount the events I saw after I gained possession of the book…"

Re: Lon's and UnderDog's HM Battles Story

I came up with (which is probably a stupid idea) of incorporating some of the people here on HM into the battle stories as Lovecraft entities/creatures. I've asked Howdy if he'd like to be Nyarlathotep and gave the option to Puppy to be a Hound of Tindalos.

Not sure how I would do this, but I thought that the folks that have been participating in Lon's poll [insert Swollen guy joke here], should have a chance at being a shoggath or something. I think I'm going to switch things up a bit for Swollen and make him a fungi from Uranus.