Last week I attended an event and I was peppered with the usual questions, are you married, how long etc? I am a pretty open person and when I mentioned my ex husbands ( yes 2 we will get to that), I was met with the usual negative perception, and eye rolling about the EX being bad, a problem, and wholly responsible for the break up.

It is customary to speak of our exes with disdain and eye rolls, and it is usual that the person with whom you are speaking assigns some blame, and assumed personal defect to the ex. This got me thinking? Why do we always assume the EX to be a bad person or a perpetrator. We cannot all be walking around sparkling clean and without blame in the break up of our marriages.

I find myself wanting to defend my ex husbands. I want to say to the person who has never met them but instantly dislikes them just because they are my ex that, they are not a bad person and really do not deserve instant judgement. Being an ex does not = the bad guy or girl in the story.

Don’t get me wrong I know many people who have exes that I am well aware are perpetrators of abuse, control and drama that would make Jerry Springer blush. However, it is exception not the rule.

So when someone hears I have an ex and get the old eye roll and instant judgement towards that person I want to put on the brakes. Here are a few reasons why I think we should do this differently.

I am 2 men’s ex wife. So whenever I am brought up in conversation I AM the instant target of judgement and scorn. Who wants that energy coming at them from every conversation that your ex has that involves you. I can tell you 100% that I was not the sole reason those relationships ended.

They are actually not bad people, they have flaws and broken bits and have not always behaved well towards me or others. However, they were not 100% awful and I have been just as broken and guilty as them.

I take responsibility in being the woman who thought that THIS BROKEN person was a good idea to partner up with. I can not blame anyone else for that. They did not force me to fall in love, or marry them. I made the decision to be with them, and even though I did it from a wounded place, I still did. I was the kind of woman at that time in my life that not only sought out that kind of relationship but actively participated in its dysfunction.

These reasons make it so unfair to assume that my exes are to blame for our breakups and that they are bad.

I was culpable in the successful moments as much as I was for the unsuccessful moments. My wounds sought out someone to continue the pattern. He was a willing participant in this and I was a willing participant in reenacting his wounds.

This is the harsh reality of trauma. When we have experienced trauma in our past via physical abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment or neglect. We are more likely to recreate our trauma in our behaviors and in our relationships choices. Our trauma story finds new people to continue the story. Both of my husbands played active roles in my continuing my own trauma story. The reasons I chose them and attached to them were because our wounds mirrored each other’s pain. This can be a very attractive and compelling connection.

I married my highschool sweetheart, and then a man who was 21 years older than me. It does not take a psychologist to see that I was working some stuff out in my marriages.

One of the reasons I left these marriages eventually was because I no longer believed in this trauma story, and no longer felt connected to the usual players. It was brutal to go through two divorces, because my tender wounded inner child picked both of them for very legit reasons. I can say this now because through therapy and energy psychology techniques I have and am healing those trauma wounds. I could never have said this before, I needed them to be the bad guy and me the victim in order to feel strong enough to leave.

I have apologized to them both for my role in letting my wounds choose them, only so that I could then allow them to let me down and continue my trauma patterns. I have apologized for my role in creating a pattern of re-enacting their own wounds. I was neither a good person or bad person in these relationships, I was merely working out my trauma and trying to heal. However, that does not mean I did not hurt them. It does not mean I was a loving partner, I hurt them both and let them both down. We let each other down abundantly, but I cannot help but still have good feelings.

I have been working on forgiveness of myself and others. One of the ways that I routinely do this is to write a love letter to that person. I have completed this for them and here are a few of my thank you statements to them both.

Thank you for making me feel safe sometimes.

Thank you for showing me that I was desired

Thank you for always working hard so we had resources

Thank you for the laughter

Thank you for seeing the good inside me

I loved our time together in highschool when we were newly in love and I felt loved and protected for the first time.

I loved how you made me feel like a muse, and a cherished spirit and how it created a magical and romantic Sense and Sensibility Story.

Thank you for loving my family despite our own wounds.

Your sensitivity and your intelligence pushed me to be kinder, smarter and more worldly.

I wish them both health and happiness. I will no longer mention them with disdain and with judgement or anger in my heart. I will not participate in the usual conversation that instantly demonizes them because they are both children of the universe who deserve love and compassion.

This is my own story and my own journey. I am not saying that YOU should do this, because it would not be fair of me to step into your story and tell you what to do. However, I do hope that this will give you food for thought. When they stay the villain, we stay the victim and that is a very stuck and dark place to be.

I want to remind you that if you have been a victim of abuse, and power and control abuse in your marriage, I understand this story could be triggering for you. Please know that my situation was different then yours and it is your story to heal from. No judgements from me and you have all of my love and support. These are two very different situations. But if you need some support please email me nicole@lewis-keeber.com and I will connect you with resources.

My final thank you to my ex husband’s. Thank you for being a part of my journey, because without you I would not have found, or been ready for my current husband Jason. We have been together for 13 plus years and married for almost 7. Each and every day is a gift, and I do I love him dearly. My ex husband’s taught me how to be a better partner, and gave me the clarity to know what safety and true pure love feels like when you find it. I love you Jason.

P.S. As a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, the study of trauma is of interest to me. I continue to heal my own, help clients heal theirs, and study the impact of trauma on relationships. Trauma impacts how we treat ourselves, and how we treat others. It impacts the dynamics that we create in our relationships at home, socially and in the workplace. My current focus is on how trauma impacts the small business owner and entrepreneur. Stay tuned for more information on my findings, and how I can help.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you know it is time to make a change? Maybe it is time to make some hard decisions about a relationship you are in. Maybe it is becoming clear that it is time to leave your job or maybe even your career? Whatever the decision is that you need to make? The ability to ignore that decision gets harder and harder. Maybe you watch TV more, you hang out on social media, hell maybe you indulge in 2 extra cocktails or beers to silence the noise. It does not work for long does it?

The voice that is loud in your ear is your intuition, it is your wise mind. It is the voice that knows what needs to be done for your higher good even if it feels scary, or hard. This intuition when trusted can be the catalyst for more in your life than you ever imagined. But,how to be brave?

How to follow something that comes to us in the very place that also houses our greatest doubts? Our inner critic, the shame and experiences that catalog our life so far. This jumbled mind, the wild west of all of the things that inspire us and terrifies us? It is not easy to trust is it?

I am very familiar with that voice, that very voice has given me the courage to leave relationships that were not for my highest good. It showed me the way out of jobs that were unhealthy for me, and a career that had run its course. It has not always been easy because my Inner Critic has been just as loud for as many years. But, there is a way to see your way through. Keep reading..

Right now as I write this, I am in the middle of that war of Inner Critic and Wise Mind. It has been a loud and noisy battle that has been raging about the future of my business and client work. My wise mind is so loud and so emphatic! It has the passion of a teenager who knows FOR A FACT THAT THEY WILL DIE if they do not get to go to the beach party with the other kids. It is that certain, that loud and that passionate about the fact that I need to rebrand myself. It is emphatic that I should call myself a Business Therapist and that I should offer more than money mindset, and that I should be the emotional support person for entrepreneurs, coaches, healers, and business owners. It has quite a compelling argument.

The other voice my Inner Critic is telling me, that without question if I decide to step into the spotlight as a Business Therapist that not only will my business die, but I could die as well. It is saying, “ This would be catastrophic! No one would want that! Who are you kidding!! WTF? Nicole? Are you listening?” Whew also pretty loud and scary. SO what to do? What do we do when we are in the middle of the pivot?How do we handle the battle for real-estate not only in our mind but in our future decisions?

We look for signs. Yup. External signs.Nudges to act. Consistent confirmation from outside sources that add up to show that there is a defined road map forward in following our intuition and that we will indeed be OK. How do we get these signs? We get still, we ask and then we watch.

Last weekend I was on my hill, the war raging in my head. I sat in the grass and I got still, and quiet and I surrendered. I said to the universe I surrender, send me a sign so that I have the courage to follow my wise mind. Then I waited. I waited some more. My Inner Critic had a tantrum but I held fast and then it happened.

The most beautiful blue colored bird flew by me, I watched it fly up towards a tree and disappear. This got my attention, I asked myself, “ where did it go? It was right there? “ I kept looking at the tree but the only bird in the tree was a average looking brown bird. Then something amazing happened.

That average brown bird took flight again and soared over me once more with the most gorgeous blue underbelly and wings I had ever seen. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This bird was average looking and uninteresting until it spread its wings and flew. When it soared through the air it was gorgeous! Purposeful! Almost magical! In that moment I knew I had my answer.

In order to stand out, you must stand in your truth. To attract the attention that you desire YOU must spread your wings and fly! When we soar our true self, talents and unique beauty is revealed to the world. So, my intuition wins this round. Soar, show your true colors! And so it is…

Wrap up tips on how to follow your intuition:

Recognize that you have a wise mind and it has been giving you signs and nudges all along.

Get still, be quiet even for a short time so it can reveal itself to you in full without static from your inner critic.

I have been on a journey of healing, self discovery, and stepping into the truth of what I am meant to do in the world. Honestly, after all of those years of therapy and the hundreds of self-help books and coaching training I really thought that I had A LOT figured out. However, I guess the point is that we never really figure things out. The more self aware we become the bigger the possibilities are for us so the target is always moving.

When I started my business I never imagined that it would be one of the most profound experiences of my life and the most exquisite vehicle for healing my wounds, uncovering my shadow and finding my confidence. I say it all of the time, starting a business is like taking in jump from the high dive into the the pool of personal development. Success in your business is just as contingent on how well you know yourself, and have healed your wounds as it is on how great your business plan is.

In fact my own personal and professional opinion is that you can have the best business plan in the world and the numbers looking perfect and still tank your business. Yup, we do not leave our baggage at the door when we start a business, it comes in with us and can sink a water tight business plan.

The good news is that your business and your passion for it can also be the motivator and vehicle for profound self awareness and healing.That has been my experience and my wish for you. You are going to hear so much more about this from me. I am going to teach you how your business can help you heal.

I have not written a blog post in awhile because I have been conflicted. I struggled with the idea that I need to “stay on brand” stick with Money Mindset Topics, write only posts that will improve my SEO. Blog only about the topics that you can sell in your business. Well ya know what? I don’t follow rules very well and I like to write about everything. I like to write about healing, money and mindset, relationships, the personality of your business, and yes I even write about that scary word TRAUMA. (shudder)

I am first and foremost a therapist, I have a Master’s Degree in Social Work and I am licensed clinical social worker. I have 7 years of education and a clinical license that I worked hard for. To say that I can “BACK MY SHIT UP” when I speak about healing your relationship with yourself, your money and your business is an understatement.

It is my duty to do more, and go deeper with my clients. There are enough sound bites and armchair psychologists out there. They don’t need one more shallow mindset quip from me. I will leave that to the others. I send them love, not everyone is ready for what I do. SO there is really room for everyone. I cannot see myself as a coach anymore which is kind of unfortunate since my business is named Nicole Lewis-Keeber Coaching LLC 🙂 I guess that is a problem for another day.

So here we are…redefining a business…stepping into the spotlight as my true self. It is scary and I am not even sure what it looks like but I am open. In the meantime, I am going to continue to talk about and write about what I know best. I am going to continue to help my clients heal their relationships with their money, themselves and their businesses so that they can have a successful business that they love.

What can I say? It is what is and I am who I am. So let’s stop being anything but that shall we?

In today’s blog post I want to share with you an impactful interview that I had with Jen Turrell on her popular podcast Financial Fluency. It is rare that I get to express my concerns and ideas regarding systems, politics and my experience as a social worker in quite this way.

Our discussion covered the lack of a supportive system for self-employed people, in particular, women, in terms of health insurance, paid family leave, maternity leave and time off to care for loved ones. We also spoke of how the current political climate is re-animating trauma within many women across the country.

I shared about my position as a social worker and the challenges that many women face in the workplace. In particular, how women are often slotted into a pre-determined salary for a particular job, often expected to work overtime and beyond their pay scale out of the goodness of their own heart, especially as a caregiver or therapist.

“When you have had traumatic events, or abusive relationships or toxic relationships, if you don’t set up your business as a relationship with intention, you are going to default into toxic ways of relating to your business. You are going to beat yourself up with it, you’re going to be your own mean boss, and at the end of the day you are going to feel abused and you will be the one who did it to yourself.” – Nicole Lewis-Keeber

It is the first day of Spring! This makes me particularly happy because it hits me in all the right mindset places. I live in Pennsylvania so it gets dark cold and dreary here, which is hard for a girl who grew up in the sunnier state of North Carolina. So, I live for spring and the extended daylight and all of the promise that it brings.

So how can Spring help you with abundance? Oh, and will you forgive me for using the word abundance? I know that it is an overplayed marketing buzzword these days but I have not found a better word to use yet. ( taking suggestions)

Back to the topic at hand. How can Spring help you with abundance? In soo many ways! When we think about Spring it brings to mind life, growth, abundance, rebirth! We can take this fertile time of rebirth to set intentions for our life, business, and money.

I want you to take a moment, and think about what you love about Spring. What about it excites you? When you ponder it, I bet you begin to think of all of the activities you can do again, creating the yard and home you love again by planting, clearing and cleaning. Do you imagine yourself taking walks outside taking in all of the gorgeous flowers, trees, and budding wildlife? It is quite miraculous, isn’t it? What does it make you want to do?

Spring is my most creative time and the time of year that I must want to launch programs and be amongst the world. Launch coming more on that in a later post!

Here are 3 Steps that you can take to “ Spring into Abundance”

Right now I want to visualize all of the lush colors of spring and I want you to take out a piece of paper, your journal or a document on your computer. Then, I want you to write down 3 intentions that you have for your business. What are 3 things that you want to grow this spring? ( I would love to hear them)

I want you to write down 3 incomes goals that you have for your business. First, the number you are averaging now plus 10%, the number that you want to be making, and then finally the outrageous number that would make you toe curling happy! What steps can you take to begin making these numbers come to life?

I want you to imagine what it would feel like to have the business of your dreams, the money in your outrageous goal, and the lifestyle that it would afford you. Write it down. Visualize it.

We must be able to see what we want to create. When we plant a seed for a flower we have a pretty good idea what that flower will look like, we water it and attend to it because we intentionally planted that seed and are nurturing the outcome. Setting intentions in our money and business are much the same.

Visualize what you want, write it down and set the intention and the follow the dream. Spring is a great time to do this. So why not start today? Let me help you set the intentions for your money and your business.

One of my intentions for this year is to be on at least one podcast per month as a guest! I am off to a great start! I really love talking to others about what I do, what I am passionate about and now it all boils down to help for my clients.

I am excited to share with you two podcast interviews that I have done recently. They have a very different feel to them, and the audiences vary wildly. Listen in and hear how we discuss life, business and money and how it pertains to moms, coaches, and healers.

Minette and Brad had a blast talking about money mindset coaching with Nicole and she gave us a whole bunch of tweetables “Money is appreciation”,

“Does your business love you back?”, “Make some damn money!”. Nicole has a deep knowledge of money mindset issues, especially for women, and that is right up our alley. These types of limiting beliefs are what we see in ourselves and our clients: listen in, as there are lot of juicy parts to this discussion.

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.” — Ayn Rand

I used to be a clinical supervisor for a methadone clinic, and I have a vast amount of experience with addictions. I would say 80% of my direct practice had some kind of treatment of addictions at its core. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a client say “ Fake it til you make it” or even better a dollar for every time a therapist or self-help group told them to do this.

It never sat well with me, I did not like the saying or what I saw this mantra “ DO” to those clients. It set them up to lie to themselves. That inner voice of theirs, that critic reared its head every time someone would say that phrase. What I have come to learn is that our inner critic, shadow, saboteur whatever you want to call it does NOT appreciate being lied to. Nor, does it appreciate being ignored.

The more the client’s faked it, the further away from their inner voices and guidance they got. They would then be triggered by the inauthentic way they were showing up in the world, which would trigger their shame and send them into a downward spiral towards relapse. Now, I am sure that there will be 12 step followers who are aggravated with me right now because they have used this mantra as part of their recovery. I believe that if they look closer they will see it was not this mantra, that helped them recover, it was the targeted steps they took towards their goal, showing up real and raw to the world and learning how to heal their shame.

If you disagree with me that is A-OK with me, I wish you well and I am happy for your recovery. I send you light and love.

However, you will not hear me say Fake it til you make it to my clients. I have heard this phrase used by other coaches, speakers, personal development gurus and each and every time I cringe. I DO NOT WANT you to fake anything because it will trigger your Inner Critic to call bullshit on you. Once your Inner Critic calls BS all bets are off and it will actively work at getting you to take another course.

No, do not lie to yourself. Do not fake anything. Please! So, you may be wondering what to do instead. I am so glad you asked. I want you to learn how to OWN IT UNTIL YOU GROW IT!

Be honest with yourself about your emotion in this moment. Hold no judgments about it and just be curious.

Feel your feelings, I KNOW THIS IS SO SCARY, but do it anyway! Feel your feelings so that you can take a breath and ask your inner voice. Why am I feeling this way and what does the part of me that is triggered need right now?

Pause and wait for an answer, again with curiosity and no judgments.

Talk with someone you trust to discuss what steps and intentions you need to put in place to achieve the goals you want. It is important that these steps and intentions feel possible and are in alignment with your authentic self. Not just a list of things that someone else tells you that you SHOULD DO!

Wake up each morning and make a small list of intentions for the day, and at the end of the day celebrate those you attained. You must celebrate your progress, and this is impossible to do if you are faking it.

It is my deepest desire to help my clients create a pathway towards empowerment in all areas of their lives, including money, business, self-worth. This requires us to get to know ourselves better, identify our patterns of behavior so that we can change them, and not simply fake it!

Have you ever gotten free samples at Costco or Whole Foods? Come on, you know you have. In fact, I know some people who take their lunch break and nosh on free samples. It is OK I don’t judge. But I do want to ask you a question? How many times did you actually buy the full price item of the thing you sampled? Maybe 25% of the time at best? Most of the time don’t you just take your freebie and run?

How many samples of cosmetics or personal care items have you grabbed that ended up living a sad lonely life in the bottom of a basket or drawer? What is the % of times that the sample actually led to a purchase from you? Is it pretty low right?

I cannot tell you how many clients I have worked with in direct sales who have put time and effort into making, packaging and distributing freebies or had giveaways that rarely resulted in customers.

Are you seeing a pattern here? Free can have a high price tag when you are a small business owner or entrepreneur. I suppose that Costco or Sephora can front the cost of giving things away and the return on their investment is worth it. Not always the case if you are in business for yourself.

I myself am not above the fray. Let me give you a few examples of freebies, that did not work out for me.

My very first experience with people disregarding something that they did not invest in was early on in my coaching practice. I had a very satisfied client who wanted her employees to also experience the coaching and the life changing experience that she had. This employer purchased my money mindset coaching program for 4 of her employees as a gift. How nice of her right? Anyone would jump at high-level coaching gifted to them, right? Not so true. Of the 4 employees, 1 attended 3 calls then bailed, 1 attended almost all then disappeared before the last call. 1 never cashed in and 1 went all the way through it with a grateful heart and is still a fan.

Every once in awhile I will get a wild hair and decide to do something crazy. While in New Orleans in September this year, I decided to offer a 3 in 30 to my newsletter list. In this newsletter, I offered to give away 3, 30 min coaching sessions to the first 3 people who responded. 3 people responded right away and grabbed the sessions, only 1 of the 3 actually scheduled and attended.

I have been in 2 giveaways where a lucky winner whose name was drawn would win a 60-minute coaching session with me. Of those 4 winners, only one person scheduled a call and redeemed their prize.

I guess you can see what I am going for. Right? Most of the time people do not value what they do not invest in. They have to have some skin in the game to take it seriously. If you undercharge for your services, they will not be respected and often times not purchased at all. If you give things away most of the time the people who would take it are not your ideal client and are not going to invest in your products or services.

There are some circumstances where giveaways can be of value but I have not found one yet. I am also not saying that there are not people out there who are not happy that they got your freebie but in my case, they have not ended up being clients.

The cautionary tale here is. Do not give away that which you cannot afford to. You cannot afford to give away your time. I had a client who was a personal trainer who offered a free in-person assessment and people routinely stood her up. That was an hour of her life she could not get back and one she could not afford to give. If you spend hours putting together samples and you see that it is not getting you a high rate of return? Think again.

I am not saying to never give anything away for free. I am giving you free advice right now correct? But it is something I can afford to give away because the time and effort it takes me to write this post are worth it due to a large number of people who will read it and learn from it. Remember this as you are creating pricing and putting a value on your time. What do you want to focus on? Discounts? Or Abundance?

I hope this was helpful to you. I would love to hear back from you about scenarios where a freebie was a flop. Or if you want to learn more about money and mindset and how it relates to your business? Contact me here!

Here we are well into the halfway point through January. This is a hard time of year, every year. I actually wrote a blog post a year ago about the challenges that we face in January. Surprise Surprise it is very much the same! Just change the title to Is 2017 Kicking Your Ass Already?In that blog post I give some tips and encouragement on how to get by…read here.

So, even though we are well into January that does not mean that you cannot still set intentions and goals for 2017. You are hearing people talk about setting revenue goals, personal goals etc for this year. They are already hard at work at making 2017 work for them. Well, you know me I like to do things a bit differently. When I sat down to write out my goals, I felt compelled to send 2017 some love first. So, I wrote 2017 a big ole juicy love letter.

You heard me right! I wrote a love letter to a year, to the year 2017 to be exact. I know this sounds silly but if you have been following me, you know that I work hard to teach my clients how to fall in love with their business, by writing a love letter to it. Read more about that here.So why not fall in love with your year too?

I want to share with you all my Love Letter to 2017, and I invite you to write one too!

Dear 2017,

I am sorry to say that a lot is riding on your shoulders because of the many disappointments of 2016. You will need to be many things to many people. You will need to be a healer, light hearted, a teacher who shows us how to reconnect with one another, a champion to combat hate and fight for what is right. I have the feeling that you will rise to the occasion and that much will be revealed and be healed by your strong energy. Thank you for that in advance. Thank you thank you.

For me I want you to know, that I honor your energy light and power of manifestation. This year I will step up! I will claim my freedom with your help! By the end of this year, you and I will have lead many people to a deeper place of healing through writing, speaking and teaching. You and I will love my soul and body into a place of health, healing, and vibrancy. Releasing all old vows and patterns. You and I will create more wealth that I have ever known, and it will grow and help many.

We will facilitate deeper conversations with friends, family, and peers. We will be at the center of the women’s empowerment movement and our contribution will have a ripple effect. Dear 2017 Thank you for all you have and will do for me.

I then wrote a list of all of the amazing things that me and 2017 will create this year. It was so much fun and less daunting than the same old goal setting I have done in the past.

Then I signed it. Love your partner in all things, Nicole

So does this resonate with you? What do you think about writing a love letter to your year? Mine is just an example of what is possible and how to go about doing it. Get creative! Do your own thing!

I would love to hear back from you and even read your letters if you want to share them!

I will be honest when I tell you that I feel like I have been seeking to heal from things since birth.I never felt whole, secure, safe or valid. This is a hard way to live your life.I have always felt like I was a problem that needed solving, or that there was some kind of evil force in the world that was just waiting to reveal itself and come get me.

If you know me you know that I experienced a variety of wounds around my power by different sources throughout my life as a child and adult. This journey of healing has been a long and imperfect one. I have been very open and honest about the twists and turns in my life. I have been married 3 times, bankrupt, 360 lbs and suicidal.

But let’s get back to the feeling that I was born needing to heal because it is true.I was.I am so thankful that I now know that this is true, that we can be born carrying the traumas and pains from our families, our mother, and our ancestors. It is pretty freeing to know that you are not the origination of that pain. I am empowered by this knowledge and have embraced that it was my life’s work to heal it. Not only for me but for my family, ancestors and to teach those I coach.

You may not know this but I was a premature baby, and this was a label I integrated into the areas of my life where I felt weaker or less than. I am so thankful now that I know that I CHOSE to get here early. I had work to do in this particular day and time and I NEEDED to be an Aquarian. It was an absolute necessity to do my work in the world. Kind of cool huh? I chose when and how I would get here. I am now choosing how to heal.

If you have read any previous posts of mine you know that I have been working on forgivenessand I have been teaching my clients how to reclaim their power. The response to this has been huge and I know that I am right on track with what I was meant to do here and to share with you all.

So how do we know when we have healed something?

This is always the question that I have tried to answer for myself and my clients. I mean think about it when you have a physical wound or a broken bone, there is not one light switch moment when you are healed. It does not work that way. In reality, healing happens in all of the little moments and we do not often notice that the healing took place until we look back and see how far we have come. You realize that the wound has now stopped bleeding, or the scar is fading. The break is impacting your mobility less, you can now walk with one crutch instead of two, you can get out of bed by yourself again. These are all of the little noticings that happen as you realize you are healing.

It is the same when we are healing our soul wounds, the body and spirit traumas we have experienced. We often notice that the healing quietly took place while we were focused on other things. I want to share with you how I knew that I had healed part of my story. I am hoping this will help you look back and see your own.

For many years I have hated Christmas, it was a time of year in my past where many bad things happened and was always a stressor that created more painful experiences. I have been a full on BAH HUMBUG for years. My husband will tell you that on November 1st the anxiety and anger, grief and dread would begin. I wished that I could fast forward to January and be done with November and December altogether.

This year something happened, I was in the car the first week of December and a Christmas song I loved as a kid came on the radio and electricity shot through my body. You know that feeling you feel as a kid when you know Santa is coming? The Christmas spirit! Yes, that one! I noticed this new feeling. I then became excited and sang in my car and had a longing to go look at Christmas lights and drink eggnog 🙂 I was noticing that I was not in dread of the season.

This year I released all of the obligatory routines of the season that drove me crazy and I felt no guilt for it. This was a new feeling…I only did the things that gave me joy. As Christmas approached I felt excitement for spending quiet time alone with my husband celebrating the holiday together. This is not something we have done in 13 years because I was either traveling to see family, we had put our celebration on hold to travel together, or I was such a CRAPPY BAH HUMBUG it was no fun.

This year I did not feel bad about not being with family, I sent them love and well wishes. I did not grieve the past times with my Grandparents that are no long here. There was no sense of dread and the thought of being with just my husband with a few gifts some good food and Christmas movies made my heart happy. There was no loss.

Did I feel when the healing took place? No, not really, not that one moment. I noticed the signs, and then recognized the day after Christmas that it had taken place. It slipped in, it integrated, and it made itself know in subtle and not so subtle ways. I did not know the exact moment, but I knew now that I had been healed. I can tell you when I realized it I did NOT ignore it, or just overlook the miracle and move on. I expressed gratitude, I thanked the spiritual beings in my life, and I gave myself credit for doing the hard work. No way I was going to minimize this revelation.

Ok so there is a lot about ME in here, and my goal is always to show you how to heal by sharing my journey. So now I want to give you some tips on how healing takes place.

Talk about it. You know the saying we are only as sick as our secrets. Find a professional you trust that can hold space for you to talk about your wound.

Move your body, because our body holds our story and our pain. You can reach your emotional pain while getting in touch with your body. You can use many mind-body techniques like yoga, massage, EFT.

Create boundaries with the people around you who have wounded you. You may have to create protective boundaries which mean you do NOT engage with them. Or you can negotiate boundaries with those that you want in your life but you do not want to resent or be angry with.

Forgiveness work is important (see my blog post on it,) and speaks with a spiritual advisor or professional on how you can work on it too.

Spiritual connection.I have gone from being a Southern Baptist Christian, to an atheist and now I am a spiritual child of the universe with no denomination and no edicts. When you can connect with the divine spirit in yourself the healing is right around the corner

Gratitude. Get a journal and write in it daily. Write down at least 5 things you are grateful for. In you cannot express gratitude you cannot heal.

There are many more steps that you can take, but my deepest desire is to show you that healing is a process, it is a gift, and sometimes it is part of our soul mission on this planet. At the end of this blog post, I am going to include some resources that I have found to be helpful.

It would mean so much to me to hear your feedback, comments or your own experiences in healing. Please comment below and share your story with us all. If you would like to share it privately contact me here and share.

Have you been working on healing your wounds? Do you feel like you need support with this process? I would be happy to speak with you to see if I can be of help. Please contact me here.