I think it best not to get uptight about semantics with regards to things like this as some people would probably avoid speaking to someone who had been recently bereaved if they had to worry about saying the wrong things and this would be sad.

When my father died - five years back - I was grateful for all expressions of sympathy and all messages of condolence. I did not sort them into those which I considered 'acceptable' and those which did not meet my literary standards. Frankly I had rather more important things to deal with at the time.

Agree with Madamecastafiore. So many people are worried about saying the wrong thing that they say nothing which can leave the bereaved feeling worse. At least this way people are saying something rather than avoiding the person which can make them feel isolated.

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with it, especially if you don't know the people involved very well. You don't know their relationship dynamics. It's a phrase that expresses that you know that someone has died and you want to say something to the people left behind. It's so much better than saying merely "Sorry", or, even worse, nothing at all.

What's wrong with it? Why is it more euphemistic than "Sorry to hear about ..." (Unless the "..." is filled with something deliberately dysphemistic). The bereaved person has lost someone. It is a frank and simple acknowledgement of that. And none the worse for being a conventional phrase: it makes a recognised, readily available space for the concern that we want to show. There are occasions when it is appropriate to show that concern in words that are original, individual, but other occasions when a formula is helpful, for example between people who don't know each other well.

I agree with the majority here. I have recently lost my dad and much prefer these sort of expressions to people saying nothing at all. One friend who I've known for 10 years didn't acknowledge the text I sent her to say that my dad had died. When I spoke to her some weeks later, she didn't mention my bereavement at all so I asked if she'd received the text. She said that she had but that she hadn't known what to say. I found that hurtful and would have preferred to hear any number of platitudes, even clumsy or trite ones.

But on the subject of 'I'm sorry', my brother phoned a utility company to report my dad's death as he had been the account holder. The woman on the phone said 'I apologise for your loss', which was just utterly bizarre.

I've just written exactly that on a card for a work colleague. I don't know her that well & don't know all the details but it seemed better than not sending a card at all or starting to mention dying or death.

Hadn't realised that some people thought it was trite or somehow not a good way to express sympathy.

As I said on the other thread, it's not remotely recent. In Ireland, it's a formula you would use as you move along the line of the mourners at the 'removal' part of a funeral. You are shaking hands with everyone, including people you don't know, and whose relationship to the dead person you don't know, and you have a big crowd of people coming behind you, so it's not the moment to be original or verbose.

I wouldn't say it to someone I was close to, or write it in a card, because its a bit impersonal in those circumstances. It's not a recent US import to Ireland.

It is incredibly hard to find the correct words to express sympathy/empathy over a bereavement. "Sorry for your loss" is as good as any I suppose.

After the sudden death of a very close relative a friend came to visit who did not mention the death at all because she "didn't know what to say and she felt uncomfortable talking about it".It was rightly interpreted as rude and uncaring. Far better to employ a cliché than nothing at all.