Friday, October 9, 2015

During one of the days
of Chol Hamoed Succos last week, when the weather outside was less than
favorable we took our children ice skating. Being the good sport that he is,
our children’s father got on the ice as well. I must say that having not skated
much since I took lessons when I was around ten years old, I wasn’t all that
bad on the ice. But I certainly was no match for my children. Every few minutes
they would wave and giggle as they passed me.

As they kept passing me
it struck me that this was somewhat of a symbolism of what every parent wants
and hopes for their children in life. We want to give our children the tools
and resources to be able to accomplish more than we have in our own lives. We
hope and pray that our children will be able to access and develop all of their
latent talents and utilize them to their fullest capacity.

Of course it’s not enough
to give our children training and resources, we also have to give them the
space to fall. We have to imbue them with the confidence that they can grow
from their mistakes and fallings. We want them to understand that that those
mistakes can help them grow if they learn from them.

Rabbi Leibel
Chaitovsky, the eighth grade rebbe in Ashar, and one of the greatest educators
I know, invests greatly in creating positive relationships with his students. A
few years ago, towards the beginning of the school-year I noticed that, for a
few days in a row, he was playing chess with one of his students. This
particular student was academically weak and I was impressed with Rabbi
Chaitovsky’s novel approach to developing a connection with him.

After one such game I saw
that student standing next to Rabbi Chaitovsky, and I asked the student who had
won the game. The student proudly and emphatically announced “me!” As soon as
he walked away Rabbi Chaitovsky leaned over, smiled, and whispered in my ear,
“It wasn’t easy!”

Besides giving our
children proverbial sharpened skates, teaching them how to use them,
encouraging them, and helping them achieve a sense of mastery, there is an even
more important component of their success: we have to sincerely give them time
and attention so that they can recognize their abilities and worth.

Between you and me, I
was really allowing them to go ahead just to help them feel good. You have to
understand that I didn’t want to show off too much on the ice. But let’s just
keep that between us.