Monday, July 11, 2011

The Age of the Epic Commuter: Raising the Bar, then Flattening It

Last week, I mentioned that article in The New Yorker about cycling in Rwanda. Since finishing it, I have moved onto other portions of the magazine, and this morning I found myself reading about a bunch of bands giving a concert on Rikers Island. In case you don't know, Rikers Island is jail, and evidently the people who live there are somewhat resistant to gentrification. This is a band called Zongo Junction:

And here's what happened during their set:

The band's inspiration is the Nigerian activist Fela Kuti, but in presentation--beards, plaid shirts, a trucker hat--its influences smelled a little of Bushwick. This, coupled with the general monotony of incarceration, seemed to leave them vulnerable to heckling from above: "Get the fuck out!," for instance, followed by "Play Bob Marley." The band launched into "Stir It Up," which only emboldened some of the distant voices: "More Bob Marley, or Ima fucking kill you!"

Well, at least the inmates didn't use the "h" word. I do kind of want a t-shirt that says "More Bob Marley, or Ima fucking kill you" though--even if it is a little hilpstery.

Actually, I wonder if high-end cycling clothier Rapha would consider making such a shirt, since the slogan is easily as catchy as anything Jens Voigt has ever said. They could use marino, incorporate shoulder pads for easy "portaging," and charge $175 for it.

I learned a lot from this video. In particular, I learned why they call it an "edit," and that's because my team was edited out of it. Yes, there's not a single millisecond of footage of us, even though we were one of only nine teams that managed to finish:

Now, I wouldn't ordinarily brag, but in this case I'm making an exception since the race was like 482 miles long with like 275,000 feet of climbing, so I was very proud of my team. Sure, I know that barely qualifies as brevet in rando-nerd circles, but for a bunch of roadie wussbags it's a lot. Anyway, I'm not even bragging for myself. Rather, I'm bragging for the rest of my team, since they were amazing and I just sat behind them the whole time, like this:

(They totally would have won if it wasn't for me.)

By the way, my team was called "BSNYC," but it's pronounced "LAY-oh-pard Trek." I'd thank them each member here by name, but frankly I think they're all embarrassed to be associated with me, so I'll just thank them in the aggregate to spare them the ignominy. I'd also like to thank Team C3, who we joined for the latter part of the race.

As for why we got snubbed for the video, the best we could come up with were: 1) Our kits didn't match; and 2) We actually smiled occasionally. I'm guessing that second one was the killer, since smiling in a Rapha video is like whipping out your "pants yabbies" on "Sesame Street."

I enjoyed the article and I wish him the best. However, I also couldn't help noticing his flat bar bicycle. As he explains it:

It has a titanium frame (that is, it’s very light); handlebars that go straight across, rather than drop, to keep me more upright (I’ve got a neck problem); especially durable wheels and tires.

I certainly wouldn't argue against his comfort, and I'm assuming that as a cycle touring veteran he knows what works best for him. Nevertheless, we seem to be in a new Age of the Flat Bar, and I must admit I'm still traumatized by that designer hybrid "commuter" from a few weeks back:

Now, I should point out that I have nothing whatsoever against Firefly, and that they're obviously extremely talented builders. Their customers, on the other hand, are clearly the kind of crazy that only comes with having way too much money, or syphilis, or maybe both. Honestly, who pays that much money to commute on a mountain bike? Does he not know that if you work at Ikea they give you a bike like that for free?

The only way I can make sense of this bike is that maybe he just wanted a really nice mountain bike, but he felt guilty about buying himself one for some reason, so he called it a "commuter" instead to justify the price. Smug people think that commuting by bicycle equals "saving the world," so by calling any bicycle a "commuter" it automatically allows you to spend as much on it as you would a car.

Or, maybe he really does need a crazy offroad commuter like this. Because, you know, he lives on the surface of the Moon.

Anyway, once upon a time, if you wanted to ride around the city on a mountain bike with your bars way higher than your saddle, you went to Walmart and you bought yourself a Mongoose. Now, people are actually buying custom bikes to replicate this riding experience. So what are people actually buying at Walmart now?

Never underestimate the numb nuts and lame brain choices from a veteran tourist who customizes a bike. Can I say, want to buy a bridge? If you go to my blog. This is asking for shit I know it. But, see DIY page on Rider Reach. Urban riding or touring, there is a better way to be comfortable, increase performance, and still look respectable on a bike.

I second the direct link to TdF Snob columns. The Bicycling site blows and now that Snob mentioned he won't be posting every day I can't tell if he didn't post or I just can't find it due to lousy site navigation.

And what's with the rest day? Christ, I paid $15 for an app so I can watch it live and they take a day off? How long does it take to pull the barbed wire out of your back and inject some red blood cells?

Team BSNYC footage didn't make the cut because you look so out of place in the countryside; breathing all that fresh air. Bet you couldn't wait to get back to Brooklyn and start huffing carbon monoxide again.

As for the reason that you missed the Edit of the great Gentleman's "Race", I believe that it was caused by a lack of "sleeves". If you would just go out and get a full pair of sleeves, you'd fit in that sort of "race" (and I use the term lightly) For much of the "race", it appeared that everyone was involved in a non-drafting Triathlon.Still 134 miles is not something to scoff at.

I like Prolly. After a serving of BSNYC irony and well-aimed sarcasm (which I enjoy infinitely,) he's a nice desert of anything-on-or-about-bikes-is-cool. Together they make an excellent Bilenky tandem of wasting an hour of my afternoon.

I sure hope the best for Bruce Weber. That guy has a list of injuries to various pieces and parts of his body that would make Johnny "Who Invented Barbed Wire Anyway" Hoogerland wince.

Oh man. Now I gotta go out and get a new bike to commute on. Currently palping a Kona Fire Mountain with rack and smooth commuter tires. However, since the Snob disdains the mountain bike being used as a commuter, I must change.

On the rest day, and because I sometimes nave this kind of time on my hands, I was looking at this year's GC standings, and marveling at the number of names which are completely anonymous. They have never done anything except fetch water bottles from the team car and serve as pack fill.

I went back and looked at some old results from the late 80's and early 90's. There were stars of their day all over the bottom of the standings. These guys were threats in the classics, had notable results outside the tour, and were a threat to win any given stage, if not the overall.

Missed ya, dude. Yeah, I could go over to your site and check it out more often (didn't today yet either), but my triple-crank just doesn't shift right sometimes, and it's just too much work to do it otherwise.

Scored an awesome front wheel for my crappy fixed gear. Dura-Ace track hub and Mavic Open 4 CD rim, all held together with DT 14 gauge spokes. Found in the dumpster at work. Checking it for cracks and whatnot, but it spins true and smooth.

Mikeweb: I left Gert-Jan Thenuisse off the list because he placed too well to be included in the list of notable down-the-GC'ers. He was, however, one of the first "big" names to draw a doping ban, if you will recall.

I sure wish that they would do a VH-1 style "Where Are They Now" show. I would love to know what became of Marc Madiot, Eric Breukink, Jelle Nidjam and Eddy Plankert.

WTF all this irony and sarcasm just ended with me dropping $900 on Rapha's website. Is this some kind of fucked up anti viral marketing? I'm seriously confused. One moment I'm sitting here smugly chuckling at their overripe filmmaking and pretension, the next I'm thinking that yes, I probably would be faster in their bib shorts than all other bib shorts otherwise how could they be so expensive. And there's a hand soap that is good for GLOVES? WTF! I have to have it.

And even funnier, Rivendell who advertise here, I called to ask them their advice on some of their product recommendations, and next thing I know Grant is on the phone telling me to save my money and buy something cheaper. So what do I do? Buy something from him.

Yes, it needs a redesign, but since Peter Flax & Bill Strickland came to the fore at that magazine I've actually subscribed to it again. Strickland's column is truly amazing, some of the finest writing about cycling going.

I wish to lob Rodale would let them do covers that are beautiful though instead of just dull marketing copy.

Also, some guy who rides a Big Dummy with a kid writes a column there.

Bikesnob!!! The Walmart"Cycle Force Tour de France Stage One Vintage Red 51cm Fixed Gear Bicycle" may not actually exist, as the picture on walmart's page is actually a PHOTOSHOP!!! Look closely at the decal on the seattube. Look odd? That's right, it's FLOATING!!!! It's not a real photo!

More Grateful Dead or Ima ... whoa, ever like check out the way like dust specks kinda sparkle when like they float through a light beam? Wonder if there's something to eat in the fridge. What were we talking about?

Bugno fan, didn't mean to start a flame war, just take you on a pleasant stroll down memory lane.

Bugno certainly had some distinguished results, including second in the 1991 TdF, the year Djamolidine Abdoujaoparov crashed so spectacularly on the Champs Elysees a mere 100 metres from the finish line.

I guess he belongs up there with Alex Zulle, who would have been a world-beater were it not for his coke-bottle glasses and his severe hayfever holding him back.

Holy crap! Snob, did you look closely at that POS Wal-Mart (sorry, that IS kind of redundant, isn't it?) Mongoose? Blow up the view of the wheels: that has to be over 48 front spokes. They must have taken a baton to some poor twink slaving away in a Chinese gulag, and had him let fly with a drill. The weekly quota on spokes must have been low, so the bike got extras.

Just followed the links after frustration with the Vimeo video quality tonight. Snob, I'll need to order some of those Rapha 3D glasses to make the clip run smoother. Stebs is the genuine article, photographer for Paper Fortress Films. AWESOME Jack Daniels video, love it, great shots man!!

Hey, I remember ALL those guys, and I miss 'em too. T. Voeckler my have been a failed breakaway specialist, but at least he was on (or past) the front, something Lay-about-oh-pard never seem to do...let's call them "successful wheel-sucking specialists".

Snob, slam your kid seat properly by ditching the deck and the various bracket bits. Attach the seat directly to the V-Racks with SuperHooks. Then cut the LawyerLegs off the seat to clean up the lines of your cargo area.

Regarding your other tweet, my preferred term is: "Apocadelypse". However, I would like to note that most serious Bibshortlical scholars prefer: "CadelClysm", which stems from the ancient word: CuddleClysm .

What I don't get is how you spend that kind of cash on the Firefly "commuter" bike, and then use some mangled oblique Arial font for the owner's name on the top tube. Maybe they wanted a touch of the Walmart-styles to "keep it real" or something. It's an odd duck, that's for sure.

Confused newbie here: I get the feeling there's an implied premise here that I'm not getting. Is there a primer somewhere on what's wrong with flat handlebars, or what handlebars are best suited to what purpose? Are the flat bars not a reasonable compromise between Granny and Lance Armstrong? Not being snotty, just genuinely curious. Thanks!

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!