What You Need To Know Today: John McCain Will Never Get a Job As a DJ

Good morning! With the dire economic news, we're looking at the lighter side today. John McCain is under fire from left wing rockers, his wife is upset with the women of "The View," and Sarah Palin found a way to maintain a permatan in Alaska despite the permafrost.

Women and Television Although John McCain used to be known for his close relationship with the media, these days things aren't so rosy. Sarah Palin reportedly had a sense of humor about Tina Fey's parody of her on "Saturday Night Live," but McCain adviser Carly Fiorina didn't get the memo and told Andrea Mitchell yesterday that the whole thing was sexist. Meanwhile, Cindy McCain is angry at the women on "The View" for being so mean to her flyboy, asking him questions and pressing him on the issues. That's not the point of interviews!

Like A Top 40 Station Although McCain's had a whole (terrible) song written about him, "Raising McCain," his campaign feels that replaying it over and over again might not be the best thing to energize crowds, and has been looking for a new song. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of cool songs to choose from that aren't written and sung by fans of Barack Obama. McCain has been asked by Van Halen, Heart, Hall and Oates and others to stop playing their music. Unfortunately for them, they don't have a legal leg to stand on.

Sorry, Obama! By the way, John McCain admitted that he doesn't think Barack Obama called Sarah Palin a pig. Apparently, he's decided he's gotten all the political traction out of it that he can.

Tanning Bed Gate Sarah Palin's office has confirmed that she had a tanning bed installed in the governor's mansion at her own expense. Her tan's not that great, so I'm betting it's for her husband Todd. He is suspiciously tan for September in Alaska, i.e., the start of winter.

Reading Is Fundamental Yesterday, John McCain declared that, despite the worsening financial crisis, the "fundamentals" of the American economy were strong. Pressed on which fundamentals those were, he stated that the American people were fundamental to the economy and thus it would survive. Maybe he's thinking of "fundamentalists."

Is a tanning bed a gross extravagance or a necessity if you've got winter 9 months of the year? Why won't McCain look at the oeuvre of Ted Nugent, conservative and author of such hits as "Cat Scratch Fever," "Little Miss Dangerous" and "Spirit of the Wild?" Share your musings in the comments.