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Topic: Stop Losing Weight! (Read 9815 times)

People have such weird issues about weight, it can be hard to navigate this one without accidentally insulting someone. I think a cheerfully, "Actually I'm at my proper weight now, but thank you for the concern" or something else mild the first time. If they keep on you, I'd take them aside and say something a little more firm, just letting them know you've told them before you're fine, and their comments are not helpful.

I have a couple of friends who have a belief that it is absolutely impossible to lose a large amount of weight and keep it off. In general they have quite positive attitudes about 'health, not weight'. But sometimes they comment, one especially, about people who have lost a bunch of weight. Things about how it's really sad, and they know he/she will never be able to keep it off because dieting never works, and so on. It's hard to know what to say to that--their comments are not true for everyone (my boyfriend lost 100 pounds or so long before I knew him, about 10 years ago, and has been pretty much the same since) but I wouldn't want to seem like I was being unaccepting of them...

Tell them it bothers you. And that if they are genuinely worried, you want to reassure them. Then do so with the facts you're willing to share.

And then tell them you want them to stop. Ask them to promise that they'll remember this conversation and stop bringing up the issue. Don't drop the convo until they do.

Then, when they forget, you can say, "Remember--you promised you wouldn't bring this up anymore!" Expect them to need reminding, and don't hold it against them anymore than you'd think ill of them because, oh, biting their nails is a hard habit to break.

If it's total stranger, or people you won't see again, smile in a tired way, and say, "thank you for your concern. Excuse me--we were talking about this merchandise return?"

(I'd be asking all my coworkers, family, church members, etc., to just not talk about my weight, PERIOD. Especially after a long time of it.)

And congrats on your achievement! That's an enviable accomplishment, to work so hard and successfully toward that goal.

I think sometimes it's a reflection of a person's own issues with their own weight. Society puts so much pressure on women when it comes to weight and body size, it's no wonder it drives women crazy sometimes. If someone is substantially overweight but has friends the same size, that sort of normalises it or makes it easy for a person to ignore or be in denial, but when one of those friends drops 100lbs, it can make them look at their own weight differently in ways that perhaps are painful. Alternatively if someone is used to be the 'slim' one in a group or pair of friends, and suddenly the 'fat' friend is slimmer, some women do get quite upset at that or see it as a challenge, or it damages their ego to not be the slimmest anymore. So even though those comments can be rude, I think it's not necessarily a personal thing because it might be more about them and their issues.

You shouldn't have to say anything, but we are talking about you being done with those kinds of comments. Perhaps if you just say, "Actually I'm the right weight range for my body frame." they will leave it alone.

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I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished. Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

It sounds to me like most people in this case are genuinely concerned, so I wouldn't pull out the icy tone. While you know that you're in the healthy range, 100 pounds is quite a lot. Compared with your old body, your new body probably looks alarmingly small (especially if you're around people who are carrying a few extra pounds or are in the upper range of normal).

I vote for treating this as any other misplaced concern. Thank them for caring about you and tell them why they needn't worry. You've had a lot of great suggestions, including letting them know that you're just about where you want to be or that your physician has told you that you are at/near your ideal weight. Then change the subject.

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I think that when people are used to you being a certain weight, even if it is really heavy , when you lose a lot of weight the new you seems "wrong" and really does cause people concern because it is so different from the person they are used to seeing. I think in OPs case I would reassure them that the goal is maintanence and not loss.

pod. It sounds like it most cases the comments are out of genuine concern. In which case, icy or snarky seems unnecessary.

Pod too - if people are sincerely concerned, as the OP says, why should she respond in such a fashion?

People have such weird issues about weight, it can be hard to navigate this one without accidentally insulting someone. I think a cheerfully, "Actually I'm at my proper weight now, but thank you for the concern" or something else mild the first time. If they keep on you, I'd take them aside and say something a little more firm, just letting them know you've told them before you're fine, and their comments are not helpful.

I have a couple of friends who have a belief that it is absolutely impossible to lose a large amount of weight and keep it off. In general they have quite positive attitudes about 'health, not weight'. But sometimes they comment, one especially, about people who have lost a bunch of weight. Things about how it's really sad, and they know he/she will never be able to keep it off because dieting never works, and so on. It's hard to know what to say to that--their comments are not true for everyone (my boyfriend lost 100 pounds or so long before I knew him, about 10 years ago, and has been pretty much the same since) but I wouldn't want to seem like I was being unaccepting of them...

"I'm actually at a healthy weight and couldn't be happier, so you don't need to worry! I love feeling so energetic now. Wanna join me in *fun activity*?"

This way, they might back off a bit if every time they comment, you "pester" them to join in *strenuous activity they wouldn't enjoy*.

I doubt talking obsessively about exercise is going to convince anyone that she doesn't have an eating disorder.

OP, I think your first response of, "I'm not planning on losing any more" is the proper one. And please don't let these people take away the pleasure of your other positive comments. You have done something remarkable!

"I'm actually at a healthy weight and couldn't be happier, so you don't need to worry! I love feeling so energetic now. Wanna join me in *fun activity*?"

This way, they might back off a bit if every time they comment, you "pester" them to join in *strenuous activity they wouldn't enjoy*.

I doubt talking obsessively about exercise is going to convince anyone that she doesn't have an eating disorder.

OP, I think your first response of, "I'm not planning on losing any more" is the proper one. And please don't let these people take away the pleasure of your other positive comments. You have done something remarkable!

I agree - if all they hear is that you are doing this or that exercise you will come off as a bit obsessive.

Congratulations! Ive heard most of these comments. I went from a size 14/16 to a size 4 in about 9 months. I hadn't planned on that quick of weight loss, but once i got back into a regular excercise routine and managed my food choices, it just fell off. I know it was drastic change, especially for people who didn't see me frequently.

I got the blowing away, concerns i was ill, and some People were truly concerned that I was doing some unhealthy diet regime. I also had, and still have, people comment that I don't need to loose more weight. My reply is thanks but my weight is stable now. Just smile and say your happy with where your weight is now.

People have such weird issues about weight, it can be hard to navigate this one without accidentally insulting someone. I think a cheerfully, "Actually I'm at my proper weight now, but thank you for the concern" or something else mild the first time. If they keep on you, I'd take them aside and say something a little more firm, just letting them know you've told them before you're fine, and their comments are not helpful.

I have a couple of friends who have a belief that it is absolutely impossible to lose a large amount of weight and keep it off. In general they have quite positive attitudes about 'health, not weight'. But sometimes they comment, one especially, about people who have lost a bunch of weight. Things about how it's really sad, and they know he/she will never be able to keep it off because dieting never works, and so on. It's hard to know what to say to that--their comments are not true for everyone (my boyfriend lost 100 pounds or so long before I knew him, about 10 years ago, and has been pretty much the same since) but I wouldn't want to seem like I was being unaccepting of them...

Congrats! You must feel a real sense of accomplishment.

I hate weight comments. Having been naturally thin most all my life, I get them a lot and not always in a complimentary way. In my opinion, your best response to shut down the commentary would be to say that you are very comfortable with your weight, and just keep repeating that till the commenter stops. I do variations on this.

Look at it this way. You've watched yourself shrink, day after day. On the other hand, these folks may not have had a chance to change their mind's image of you, and the new, smaller you is still startling. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and respond as PPs have wisely advised. Thank them for their concern* and assure them that you're at a healthy weight.

*Thanking them for the concern works both for those who are sincerely concerned and those who are making an underhanded remark. If someone's sincerely concerned, then you're sincerely thanking them. If someone's trying to hide a snide remark behind a guise of concern, you're not rising to the bait.

I really just had to comment on your amazing weight loss. I am currently obese. I started working out regularly back in April and then started WW back in August. I only know my weight loss since August, but I'm at 22 lbs right now. My biggest fear is having the strength and stamina to keep this going. Thank you for giving me one more reminder that I can totally do this.

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"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol