McCoy-Ham: Getting 'a seat at the table'

Saturday

Mar 4, 2017 at 2:10 PM

By Tashante McCoy-Ham

I am no stranger to trauma and tragedy in my life, and that is why it was important for me to be willing to take a seat at the table during The National Initiative for Building Community Trust and Justice conversation.

At the age of 15, I and two other friends were hit by bullets while attending a city-wide high school dance in downtown Stockton. The year was 1994. Over the course of the last 20-plus years since then, I have lost countless friends and family members to senseless violence in Stockton.

The loss of my brother, Terri, in 2012 during a double homicide is what ignited the passion within my family and me to activate and do our part in preventing others from experiencing such heartache and pain as survivors of crime, while challenging and changing the narrative of crime survivors.

Creating a space of healing and amplifying the voices to promote change has been a very important part of our journey. Each of those experiences left so many emotions attached to unanswered questions while service, assistance, and hope simply did not exist. Law enforcement, community members, and even the church had very little to no support available.

What I have discovered is when you experience extreme types of trauma, those scenarios can bring about emotions that are unexplainable and certainly not containable. Not being able to express the despair and receive service can and does contribute to an unacknowledged repetitive cycle of trauma and even more crime.

However, even more importantly, what I have discovered is that victims of crime and individuals who “commit crime” do want to be restored and are seeking reconciliation, but none of this can happen if they are not given the opportunity to take a seat at the table and share their thoughts and feelings freely in a safe and nurturing environment.

The second but most important part of being able to express oneself is knowing that something will change.

Organizing individuals for the National Initiative for Building Community Trust and Justice conversation was no easy task because of the deep hurt caused by the system of law enforcement, lack of feeling connected, and flat-out disrespect and neglect on behalf of law enforcement when it comes to the people in need.

During the conversations, individuals were given the opportunity to speak their truth and raw emotion in regards to their encounters with law enforcement and the service they are expected to provide. Mothers of murdered children expressed feeling abandoned by detectives, a young black man expressed his feelings about being racially profiled while a young white woman shared she had been pulled over only once in 36 years.

One couple literally sat and said nothing. What stood out to me most was the heavy-hearted and human expression on the face of Chief Eric Jones as he listened without response how some had been failed by a system that is supposed to protect and serve.

Though the emotions stood out it was what happened next that has resonated with me the most. The acknowledgment and immediate follow-up within hours of Chief Jones and his staff on behalf of those families, and none of it would have been possible had we all in spite of our disagreements and biases decided not to take a seat at that table together with the sole purpose to begin change.

That is what it is about. We have to be willing to take a seat at the table.

— Tashante McCoy-Ham is a resident of Stockton.

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