It does not seem to matter whether the man has encouraged the woman to have the abortion or has been vehemently against it. In both circumstances, the man may suffer the aftermath of abortion.

So what prevents men from dealing with past abortions?First, they do not realize they are suffering from an abortion experience. Second, talking about it is not easy - they need a safe environment.Third, pastors are often unaware that this is an issue for men so they do not address it.

Also, society is not sympathetic to abortion survivors. "Most men do not realize until they face a problem pregnancy that they have been stripped of all legal recourse to protect their unborn child." (Wayne Brauning, Men's Abortion Recovery Ministries, Coatesville, Pa)

Men (and women) have been led to believe, incorrectly, that 'abortion is a woman's issue only, and that the death of the unborn baby is not a real death.' Thus, if it is only a woman's issue, she should be the only one suffering. And if the baby was not real, there is nothing to mourn.

But the facts have proven both these assumptions to be false.
So what steps should men take to heal from an abortion?

Be Motivated: - be determined to face the abortion issue.
Grieve: - acknowledge that you have lost someone dear to you.

Remember that acceptance of your role is not easy. "Until men begin to acknowledge that abortion has damaged their lives, and do something about it, families, the church and society will continue to suffer."
(The above information and quotes have come from an article in Focus on the Family, Jan. 2000: Taboo Grief: Men and Abortion, Elaine Minamide)

From a Project Jacob Dad:

I remember the time when we went to the mall and she was drawn to the baby section. She would admire baby clothes. And she would say, "this will be for our boy and this will definitely be for our girl". Then we would see baby walkers/strollers. And she'd be like "Isn't this one the cutest one for our baby."

Her faith was beyond compare, full of hope.

She and I have come quite a long way together. She loved me with all her heart. And I love her deeply.

Sometimes, I find it very difficult to understand why her family was so hostile, why they pressured us to abort. Putting my beloved and me in a very difficult position. As it is they had their reasons.

It pained my heart not to be able to be there for her. It pained and broke my heart not to be there for the ultra sound at 2.00pm on Friday 2nd July, 2004. If her parents did not want her to keep the child, they would have let her have the child and given the child to me. I would have loved and cared for our beautiful child.

We wanted the baby so much.

Surprisingly, I still do respect her parent/family. I do not like and definitely do not agree with what they did. But, I respect them and forgive them. And may God forgive them too.

Now, my child, your mum is with your grandparents. Only God knows what He has in store for us in the future. Your mum feels sad and unhappy. She misses you and loves you so very much. I miss you too and love you very much.

Please forgive us. We hope that you are happy in heaven. Inshi Allah/God willing we will be together again soon in heaven. We love you very much.