Randy Hunt, local CPA and 5th Barnstable District Massachusetts state representative, regularly posts his points of view regarding local, regional and national issues. (Boring!) But most of the time he just writes humorous stories. No ads. No clutter. Everything is copyrighted by Randy Hunt. To replicate an article, just email for permission.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

You're in (urine) trouble!

I heard a radio ad the other day that started with this interrogatory line: “Men, do you wake up to urinate?”

Certainly it’s a better option than not waking up. My wife agrees with me on this point.

I’m
51 years old now and have just lived through the two milestones that
happen during your 50th year: 1) the AARP pummels you with embarrassing
weekly mailings reminding you and everyone else who sees your mail that
you’ve hit the big half century mark, and 2) you start paying attention
to prostate commercials.

First, let’s take a look at the origin of the word prostate. Turns out it’s Greek, from the word prostátēs
meaning “one standing before” or “protector” or “guardian.” It gets its
name from its position at the base of a man’s bladder, sort of
protecting the bladder like a security guard would protect a gasoline
storage tank.

So you might think, “Hey, the bigger the guard, the
better the protection.” In this case, the bigger the guard, the less
gasoline he allows to be pumped into each delivery truck. And that’s why
I must be dreaming about driving tanker trucks every night.

Now,
in all seriousness, symptoms associated with prostate problems could be
related to cancer of the prostate, which is the leading cancer among
men, but at the same time, the cancer with the highest survival rate.
About 80% of prostate cancer cases are diagnosed in men over 65 and
almost 80% of men who reach the age of 80 have or have been treated for
prostate cancer.

For most men, however, a growing prostate is
just a reminder that they are due for a mid-life crisis. There’s a TV ad
with four middle-aged men out for a ride in a 60’s vintage rag top (a
clear reference to the driver’s mid-life crisis) and one of the guys
needs to pull over at every gas station to take a whiz. This is clearly
an annoyance for the other three guys who have been taking Flomax and
can hold it for three days at a time.

Another problem an enlarged
prostate exasperates is what a trusted friend of mine refers to as “shy
bladder.” This trusted friend of mine tells me that he’s always had shy
bladder, even as a kid in the junior high school locker room. Now that
my trusted friend’s protector/guardian is creating its own set of
challenges in a totally private setting, imagine how difficult it is for
my trusted friend to use a public bathroom lined with urinals sans
privacy dividers. I can only imagine his frustration…

By the way, my trusted friend highly recommends the support website http://www.shybladder.org/.
The medical term for this condition is Paruresis and is commonly
referred to as stage fright and urophobia. The next time someone tells
you he’s urophobic, you’ll know he’s not afraid of Europeans, per se;
he’s just uncomfortable peeing among them.

Which brings me back
to the radio ad. I don’t even remember what the “growing problem” remedy
was that they were peddling, but a quick search of the Internet reveals
dozens of medications and homeopathic treatments for BPH. At first, I
thought BPH was a measurement, like bathroom (B)reaks (P)er (H)our, but I
now know it stands for (B)ladder (P)rotector (H)umongous.

Okay.
Just kidding. BPH is (B)enign (P)rostatic (H)yperplasia, which
translates to non-cancerous, Andre-The-Giant-like enlarging of what is
supposed to be a walnut-sized gland into a lemon-sized version of your
third grade teacher who told you that you could hold it until the end of
class. But you couldn’t. At least that’s how my trusted friend related
the story to me.

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About Me

A certified public accountant for 30 years, Randy has his practice in the beautiful, seaside town of Sandwich, Massachusetts. Active in many local organizations, Randy is the state representative for the Barnstable & Plymouth District and advocates for conservation of Cape Cod, public safety and independence from foreign energy sources.