a princess needs a prince like a fish needs a bicycle

I guess all two-year-old girls like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White and Cinderella. And I suppose all two-year-old girls wear Snow White costumes every day after Halloween and preface their names when introduced to neighbors with “Princess.” They probably all climb onto their fathers’ laps before bedtime, hand them the same Little Golden Book version of “Snow White” they read the night before, and the night before that, and expect it to be read to them yet again, regardless of the fact that their fathers would rather read “The Poky Little Puppy,” “The Cat in the Hat,” or “Snow.”

I doubt, however, that they all point to the pictures of princes from these stories and say, “Daddy right there” like my princess does. Knowing I have a narrow window in which I can expect to have this level of influence and trust, I like to make sure these 200-year-old fairy tales end properly. After all, she’ll be able to read them herself soon.

All stories about princesses are altered such that any rescues by anyone resembling a prince are censored.

When a handsome prince kisses Snow White to break the evil Queen’s spell and then takes her back to his stupid castle in the clouds, Maddie instead hears, “After Daddy kissed Snow White on the cheek, she awoke from the evil Queen’s spell, completed her education, and began her medical practice with the celibate man she met as a resident. And they lived happily ever after, just down the path from Prince Daddy. The End.”

Sleeping Beauty wakes up and invites the man who assisted her to manage the law practice she takes over from her father. She lived happily ever after, enjoying weekends with Daddy in the family lake house.

Cinderella slides her foot into the glass slipper and then publishes what becomes a NY Times best-selling autobiography, allowing her beau to be her editor. She too lives happily ever after, frequently seeking inspiration via twittering back and forth with Daddy or reading his blog.

Sometimes, Pretty Bride will hear me reading through the monitor, come upstairs, and ask me when I decided the Grimm Brothers needed to host a bra burning party. “The day I started raising a daughter,” I tell her.

that child is going to need so much therapy when she is in her 30s and disappointed in her relationships. OR some guy is going to kill himself because he will never be able to measure up. Ok, now I see your evil plan and applaud you.

Nicely done, although if you keep this up, 25 years from now we’ll be reading a post about how you and your wife wish your kid would go and get her own place already…

In all seriousness, we have been avoiding the whole “saved by the prince” thing completely thus far. Surprisingly, if you want princess stories where the heroine saves herself, sometimes in spite of the man, the Barbie DVDs are actually good sources (unrealistic body images aside). I so wish I was kidding.

Hey! Thanks for the visit today. I go to NSL- with 5 kids I don’t have time for day school at Vandy. I love your fairy tails, they sound really similar to the ones my husband told my girls. I have my own variation for my boys as well, they involve no girls whatsoever… 🙂

Prefersherfantasy- If I had children, and I died, I’d want you to raise them.
Muskrat & Pretty Bride- way to go! I have a feeling your daughter will be disappointed one day when she reads these stories herself and finds out how lame the endings are.
Little Mermaid- Ariel joins the humans on land where she becomes a marine biologist, working to spread awareness about the importance of oceanic eco systems. Her friend Eric works in at the PR firm that helps shape the message of her work. Her work as a marine biologist allows her to swim to the castle to play candyland with Prince Daddy.

[…] -Holding on to her inevitably fleeting belief that our house is a castle, that she’s its princess, and that I’m her prince. And that every fairy tale ends with, “and then she went on to lawschool and practiced with Prince Daddy for ever and ever.” […]

This is a fantastic post. I just stumbled onto your blog and I love it. My father is a lawyer and used to read bedtime stories to me in a similar fashion.
Great post.
.-= wanderingmenace´s last blog ..Parisian metro =-.

This is great. I’m usually changing words here and there to tamp down any violent descriptions of bad-guy slaying or a reference to a beverage being anything but water. Unfortunately, my kindergartner can read now and is calling me on this…Liza Wyles´s last blog post ..Click the Vote!

Wow that was odd. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my
comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
Anyway, just wanted to say excellent blog!Lynne´s last blog post ..Lynne

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