Saturday, November 29, 2008

An all in one post for past and future events. Since I'm leaving on Wednesday for NC, and I'm working far too many hours, and have to squeeze in finals before I leave, this may be on of the last posts of the month. I botched NaBloPoMo weeks ago anyway.

This year I had quite a few diabetics, or low carb eaters and I wanted them to be able to enjoy desert with the rest of us. Plus, they've had the original pie so buying an icky 'no sugar added' pie at the store is unacceptable. This apple pie is expected and much desired by attendees at gatherings. So I scoured the internet and got diddly squat in results. Depressing. I instead chose to modify the above recipe with Splenda products and hope it was still just as good. You have to understand just how ridiculously good this pie really is to know how important it was to make a version just as good.

Everything else is the same except I didn't lattice the crust and I poured all the liquid on the apples with a vented crust. Cook time was about 40 mins or so. I don't know the carb count but the original had almost 70 carbs per serving (mostly sugar!), and I'm thinking the change should've at least halved that per 1/8 slice serving.

Rave reviews from those who had the 'diabetic apple pie' version. They got to have a real size slice instead of a sliver with 2 bites, and it didn't jack thier blood sugar into the clouds. I'm THRILLED with this! Now I'm going to experiment a little more and see what happens.

Second, the Black Friday Shopping. I don't really know how to explain this if you haven't done it yourself. My mom generously took the boy child overnight so I could do this. I had a game plan, and knew what I wanted and where to go first: 24-hour Meijers @ 4a (better than Super Walmart, not as nice as Super Target), Kmart @ 6a, Walmart @7a.

I didn't go to sleep after Thanksgiving Day, I plotted out my strategy. I got to my first location at about 4:30a and got in a short line in the electronics department for my items. The long line was for the Wii & TVs, but I had a Wii in my hands a couple weeks ago and put it back. So I was only 5th in line for 8 of my item in stock.

I also watched something akin to a piranha feeding while waiting my turn. Seriously, if you're into people watching and behaviors, this is the place and time to do it. The item was an $80. digital photo frame being sold for $30. The poor employee couldn't even get the boxes open before people were crushing him and surrounding him like he was passing out diamonds! One lady in my line was brave and managed to hop in and snag two, but one was for a fellow line member. Honestly, watching that made me want one even though I didn't even need it! Then it got ugly at 5am when the sales started.

They had only 2 registers open for about 100 customers in about 8 different lines! We had to pay for our items before leaving the area to do other shopping! I guarded my items with my life when I got out of there! So they were trying to call up one person from each line at a time, but only two people were checking out at any given moment and for some reason that was taking forever to get rung up. Then random people were trying to line up behind those 2 people to check out their non-wait-in-line electronic items and chaos ensued. You could hear people grumbling, the clerks and managers were not helping or helpful. Finally, they got more organized and figured out they should take those of us in short lines for small items to different registers! HOORAY! My line got out of the electronics department first. But there was no holiday cheer. People were tired and hungry and annoyed at the disorganization going on. I cracked jokes.

As our little band of people got to leave to purchase our item, one lady had a very large TV in her cart. She moved past the people in the line almost as though she was cutting in line. So the other lady behind me mentioned the end of our line was a few people back and TV lady got snotty about how she didn't want her TV to be bumped, but yet she was blocking the aisle causing a pile up of regular shoppers!!!! Honestly, she had a ghetto attitude, and when it looked like it was going to escalate, I jumped in because I am crazy and was exhausted and hello, it's the holidays! I cracked a joke or two and it broke the tension. Then I got to check out and finish my shopping. Really, you have to have a sense of humor if you're going to shop Black Friday. I was there about an hour total from wait to check out. The item for all the drama...a Nintendo DS blue, with Brain Age and free extra styli (styluses?).

I still had two more stores to go after that! And honestly, Walmart was on the list as a maybe because I KNOW how ugly it gets there. The parking lot, the shoppers, all of it is horrible at Christmas. But they had the portable DVD player I wanted and a DVD for super cheap. The Kmart was my son's gift and I knew it'd be in stock. It wasn't even busy there. Best store EVER this year! Walmart was as horrible as I imagined. I saw people with box trucks parked outside. I saw a 'family' with 2+ carts piled high with random stuff and saying they should go get more stuff before leaving! That was insane to me to see. I got shoved in electronics, the movies were...no words for that. But as I wandered lost, thinking the two items I wanted weren't there anymore, I saw the DVD and then an employee walking by with the DVD player in her hand. I asked where to find it and she gave me the one in her hand. Only 2 people in front of me and the checkout lady was SO NICE. Better than the checkout experience at Meijers by far.

By then it was like 7:30a and I couldn't even speak more than a croak. I hadn't slept and still had to get the child from grandma's house 30 mins away and 45 back. Thank GOD by the time we finally got home, with all gifts on my list & McD's lunch, he was ready for a nap and we were out cold for hours. I missed the Kohl's online sale this year, but I didn't see much I wanted/needed this year. Amazon is getting some of my money this year too, and I may have to revisit Kmart on Sunday.

For me this time of year isn't just for gift buying. I save all year to get things on my personal 'wish list' on Black Friday & Cyber Monday. So not only have I budgeted gifts for others but my own wants and/or needs. Unless it's completely broke or found on a super sale/freecycle/craigslist during the year, I don't buy it until after Thanksgiving with much price comparison. It makes it worth it and it keeps my spirits in a happy place.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

My apple pies are done. There was a little fiasco with the second one and it may have leaked out some of it's insides onto the cookie sheet. Only a little, but even that would not have happened had I not had to pick it up while it baked because somehow it was sitting in two pie tins, not just the one in which it came. So hot pie = jacked up crust. Hopefully the bottom crust isn't gooey and still baked correctly.

The first apple pie was an experiment, so it looks all ghetto with a piece missing. My son wouldn't leave me alone about having a piece, and I wasn't sure I was going to bring it, so we taste tested it. But I am bringing it and we'll see how the diabetics in the crowd feel about it. I'll keep working on that one and see what I can do to make it even more delicious.

So happy thanksgiving everyone and we'll see you when the turkey coma wears off.

PS - I am going to be one of the crazy ones shopping in the morning, and not just online either.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Now if I'm upright too long a hacking horrible cough descends on my body. Just in time to be well by Thanksgiving. I promise not to cough in the pies.

Noah (knock on wood) seems to be immune from this sickness so far. I think I wore myself out by working 55 hours a week plus school overload and then everything else that happens in life. Since I work from home, 55 hours a week doesn't seem as overwhelming as it would in an office, but the wear and tear on my immune system was the same. Plus I work with the toddler stressing me out at all times. There rarely is a time when my son isn't hanging on me while I try to work, and when I'm transcribing it doesn't work well.

So hopefully the boy child hangs in there with his wellness, and I'll be over this hacking cough tomorrow. I have to bake dammit!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Today only Dr. Pepper is offering a free bottle of it's product since Guns N Roses came out with it's album. Read the MSN article HERE.

The problem is that Dr. Pepper wasn't prepared for the onslaught of people who are trying to get their free soda. Way to ensure you don't have to give away too much free product Dr. Pepper. Shame on you for your poor handling of the traffic on your site.

For the past 2+ hours I've been trying to sign up and I get a variety of pages telling me they can't handle the traffic the promotion has generated:

Or I get a blank page, or if I use Firefox I get a Connection Interrupted error. Refreshing does not work, and other attempts to get around this issue have not worked. I'm not the only site writing about this issue either: www.examiner.com

So shame on you Dr. Pepper for offering promises you cannot keep, and for not making this much touted promotion ready for the public to redeem.

*EDIT*I finally did get my coupon at about 9:00p, but I did still get errors on the page. It does seem that Dr. Pepper has extended the offer http://www.drpepper.com/ and printed an apology.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I just booked a trip to see my sis in a warmer climate than Chicago's current temps. Now if I can just figure out the logistics of bringing the car seat through the airport, with a toddler who likes to run, and either a stroller or carry on luggage. I only get one or the other. I have until Dec. 3 to think about it, and to figure out how not to break my budget with gadgets people are selling to parents traveling with small children!

I mean seriously, $75 for some fabric that wraps around your kid on the airplane seat in a 5-point harness, but woo hoo they got FAA approved? WTF! Or maybe the $80 stroller that attaches to the toddler car seat instead so I can wheel him around. *sighs* I'm thinking some duct tape to strap my kid to me might be cheaper.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Darn it! I wasn't doing this for the prizes. I wanted to do it to be consistent and to carve out a time to write. Oh well.

I have tons of homework to do today as the semester comes to a close in a few weeks. Finals are coming up soon and I want to pass them, so I'm hunkering down to study and do homework. Procrastination has not been my friend this year.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Yesterday while I was out with a close friend spending money, we had to stop for nourishment. We have been friends for...a really, really long time. For me at least. Plus we've stayed friends through my periods of being a very bad friend in return. So she can basically tell me I have my head up my ass and I don't take offense like I may if it were anyone else.

Lately I've been feeling like a really shitty parent and it felt like the hole was getting deeper and deeper. I was yelling more than I wanted to yell, and the urge to swat my kid when he was acting up was sounding more appealing. Now, I've given him a swat on the butt when he's losing his shit and can't bring it back around. It basically shocks him out of the black hole tantrum he's in. Except those tantrums were getting more frequent and there's no way I'm swatting my kid everyday just because he's losing control & I was losing patience with it. That's just me being lazy by swatting him in that scenario. So a new option had to be found. I got the 123 Magic book and got the jist of it, but waiting for three 'bad behaviors' to put him in time out...not working here. As soon as I get up to put him in time out, he does what I ask, then goes ballistic when I follow through with time outs. So I was losing my temper and patience going back and forth with a 2.5 yr old in a battle for control. You can only ignore tantrums to a point and then it's just ridiculous. It all had to stop and I didn't know how to get us back on track.

So the good friend and I were discussing this issue at lunch. How letting certain behaviors slide turn him into 'that kid' and then 'that adult' who acts the fool and can't control himself in situations. That is completely unacceptable to me. How am I going to have a kid with good manners but acts like a brat? Right. Then again, I did think that having a kid would morph me into some organized, social type person! LOL Yeah, no, it didn't.

One of the major factors I struggle with is keeping us on a schedule. I don't particularly care for them as I like to up and go, and now it's a little more work to get out the door. We have things like, oh...nap time and eating meals that get in the way. So my friend reminded me that setting a schedule and consistency would really make a difference for Noah. Which I know this in theory, but hearing how she had things organized and Noah's response to it while he was with her really hit home. I've been letting things get out of control and completely disorganized and it was showing through my kid's behavior and my reactions to his behavior.

So while the ex-husband had our son for a while longer, I went home and thought about how to start fresh. First was reorganizing the living room so I eliminated things that set me off and annoy me when he would get into them. Like moving the couch where he couldn't climb over the back of it, but so he could see out the window, which eliminated him trying to stand on the table to see out. Making one area for his toys and put it far from the TV and my working area. I also had gotten a small table and chair for my workspace, since my friend also reminded me that Noah doesn't know where my boundaries are for work, and climbing on me while I work was driving me insane, but I couldn't ban him from the couch. So now I have a work area that's off limits, a play area far from my work area, and a new schedule for eating/naps/bedtime. I'm forcing myself to have a routine. I also started turning the TV off while we eat & what a difference that made. All these little things that were causing problems were changed by just a little bit, and I am amazed.

I cracked down on the time outs as well. I let them slide for a while and now it's a struggle. So now we have a chair in his time out spot. One of the struggles I had was him rolling around on the floor in time out and rolling himself down the hall before his time was up. This drove me crazy that he wouldn't stay put and I couldn't keep standing over him as I'm usually working. Well today, I sat there with him since I'm reinstituting the time out plan and had to reinforce that I mean business. Sure enough, we had time with him crying and telling me he wasn't talking to me and turning to the wall away from me. But I was firm and didn't yell and it was all okay.

The proof that this was going to work was not only that I didn't yell at him today at all, but when he completely lost it after nap time. I got his snack of granola and he started smashing it into bits and it was getting on the floor. When he wouldn't pick it up, I threw it away. He lost it completely and threw MY bowl on the floor. More like flung it across the living room. This is where I normally snap and start yelling and feel the urge to swat him. Except this time I stayed calm and vacuumed the granola and put him in time out. He was crying and freaking out this whole time. It continued when I gave him a string cheese after time out and saying sorry. But then the cheese was on the floor since I opened the package for him! God forbid he be able to actually get to the cheese and eat it. So instead of losing it, I toss the cheese, put the boy in time out and made sure he stayed there and understood why he was there. The only hitch was after he said sorry, he was so worked up from crying that he puked on himself. That was my 'reward' for keeping calm! But I felt so much better about how I handled it.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I feel positive about being able to handle this parenting thing. This toddler thing. This whole being on a schedule thing! I really was starting to think I couldn't do this myself, and that I was screwing up my kid since I was such a grump. Thankfully, I have people around me to kick me in the ass when I need it, and know how to do it with tact.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I spent my day stimulating the economy. I spend more money when I don't have my son with me, and I think it's because I can jump in and out of the car and browse around for too long when he's not there. When I have him with me, I'm on a mission. The mission ends when the child starts losing it. Get in, follow the list, get out, and pray it's not naptime when I can go. Today I went, browsed, tasted things, had uninterrupted conversation, got in and out of my car quickly, and went to stores on a whim, including the shoe store. I tried on shoes. A lot of them. In silence. It was WONDERFUL! Someone asked if I miss him when he's gone, and the answer lately is "not until the third day." Except there's only been a 'third day' one time. I'm lucky I got 24 hours this time, with an addendum that work will be preventing any future visits where the child actually leaves my house.

So Costco just got a huge chunk of my change this weekend while I broke in the new membership, & if I have to even step in a grocery store anytime soon for anything other than milk, I'll be annoyed. I seriously broke the food budget for almost 2 months there. I totally need a small extra freezer to make it worth it. $189.00 at Sears...on my list of things to get. I held a Wii in my hands and walked away from it. Thankfully my partner in crime at Costco today reminded me that I have NO time to play it and a certain small child has a penchant for throwing things and breaking them. One laptop is all I can take in the damaged electronics catagory this year.

My fridge is still pretty bare, but I had to remember that I ordered food from: www.angelfoodministries.com (thanks to Shannon for the info), which was a HUGE help, and I go pick it up on Saturday. I'm sure I'll be putting in my December order the Tuesday after I pick up. I just want to see what we're getting before doing another order. If it's good, normal stuff (aka not icky looking), they'll be getting a huge chunk of my food budget as well. Grocery stores just aren't cutting it for me these days. It's just not fitting in my schedule and when I can go, it's overwhelming how much I need. I also don't like lugging all the bags up 3 flights.

Public Service Announcement: Single moms with small children, don't live more than second floor walk up, it's a logistical nightmare if you have more than one trip with groceries or anything else. It's all...do I leave them in the car and make trips, or leave them in the apartment and make trips. Both suck.

So I shopped and shopped some more, and got home and rearranged my living room. Again. My poor kid comes home from his dad's and the place is different every time. At least now he has a play area with more room to drag out toys.

The best thing today was getting some great advice for the tantrums I anticipated later, & that's a post for tomorrow. Right now I have to finish homework that didn't get done last night.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

First, the gas leak is still there. I am beyond pissed, but such is life. It won't kill me to wait until Monday...I hope.

Second, the boy child is with his dad and I have silence in my home. It's beautiful. I've already had a phone conversation without interruptions and with swearing, I'm watching a 'not for children' commedian on DVD, and the homework getting done...OMG the homework is almost completely caught up. I have BIG plans for tomorrow before he gets home. Costco (again) without the tantruming, "I want to walk and run into people or get lost in a crowd" child, and without crying or bribary with samples. Just me and my friend and maybe there's a DSW nearby. LOL Hooray shoes!!!!!

Lastly, and family you may want to stop reading here unless you care about my (lack of) a love life.

I totally need to start dating. How is it that while I have tons to do in the little time I have, that I'd rather be out on a date? Or at least watching a movie at home and 'making out on the couch' type thing going on. The laundry... well it can wait, the last of the homework...it's been waiting. So here I am wanting to share my time with someone. It's cold outside and I could use some damn man heat in here. Just as long as they don't linger because I just do not have time for that. LOL

Friday, November 14, 2008

So today at 8am I was up and ready for the workers. They got there on time and were out the door by 9:30am. Hooray. I kept asking if it was all fixed, and got the okay. I kept smelling the air when the heater kicked on, just in case. I finally relaxed for a bit.

Everything was great. It was working fine. All day we had clean smelling air.

Until now. It's 10pm and I think I'm smelling gas again when the heater blows on me. WTF?! One more time, and I know I'm not insane. If so, I'll be flipping the gas switch off for the heater tonight, crank up the electric blanket, and call the gas company and maintenance in the morning. I have to pull all the stuff I put back in the closet. Son of a ... ! This sucks.

I hate winter and everything that comes with it. I wish I had electric everything now. Stupid gas.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Finally some excitement here! I really did have a gas leak, which I doubted for weeks as it would just puff out when the heater started blowing but then was gone. So I finally told myself to call just to be sure, and after my HVAC uncle suggested that Yes, Call! So the gas company had to turn off my gas when it set their meter off! It's not bad enough that it'll blow us up right now, but left to continue could've technically gone very, very badly. I kept picturing us getting exploded right out the patio doors every time the heat kicked on. Or maybe getting burned up in our sleep since the heater is in the bedroom closet.

The bad thing is that the gas company turned it off after the time that our maintenance people could hire a contractor to fix it tonight because, again, the heater is in the closet in the ceiling and "there are no contractors that will come right now." Also to be understood as, "We are not paying an HVAC person over normal rates to fix this after hours, just suffer for now." So I have to empty the closet I just filled with our things, move it all back into the living room which I just emptied of boxes/stuff. Plus, they have to come rip apart my closet and tear the ceiling out to get to the heater. I'll be working while this goes on, which should be fun if the noise level gets out of control.

Thankfully the weather isn't as cold as it has been and it's only 52 and raining. So being on the top floor and having the weather hold out for us tonight works in our favor. Plus, if it's not done tomorrow, I will have a fit, but we now own an electric blanket which will also keep our heat bill down in the future. I'm just so happy I'm not insane in smelling gas, and a little freaked out when they were telling me not to turn onoff appliances until they checked it! The fact they don't ring your bell in case of a spark sounded just so fun as well. Good times.

So that was my highlight of the day. Aren't you glad it wasn't about tantrums?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I don't have anything to say today and I have tons of homework I have to do. So no tantrum talk, no interesting conversations to share, no wildly fabulous text to read. Nothing, zero, nada.

I'm only motivated to get my homework all done bc I saw my midterm grades and it's really, really bad. I focused on work and 'me time' and homework took a hit. So whatever day this is for NaBloPoMo, it's the crappy entry I didn't even really have time to write!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Seriously, all I talk about is my kid's tantrums. Honestly, that's the most pressing thing going on with me. I work at home with the kid here and really tantrums is the best it gets here. I'd talk about the lack of potty training going on, and I think I missed my window of interest, but since we're not focusing on it, it's not an issue.

Today, tantrums again but they're so random it's astounding. I'm really struggling with this. Today, I knew we were going out when he was tired, but it's not just that. He wants to be independent but when that means running through the library like a madman while I pick up books, it doesn't work. It means he has to hold mommy's hand to stay by me because he's not listening or following the rules. He hates holding my hand and wants to be free! Ironically I was picking up the 123 Magic book per recommendation by a friend. I practically threw it at the lady at the check out desk while I tried to keep a yelling, soon to be screaming child under control for 2 more minutes. Thankfully she was fast and the evil eyes I got from other patrons were long behind me. The screaming and crying continued at hellion levels for the next 5 minutes. And yes, I shouted at him to stop crying & told him we had to leave because he didn't follow the rules. There were only two, no running, no yelling. He broke them both so no kids section today.

Then we go to the grocery store, because I'm obviously a fool, and I had to get milk and eggs. I was prepared for freak outs, and I knew he was beyond tired, but sometimes there's no choice for a single parent. You get it right then since there's no getting it later. In my case because of work or no other parent to watch him while I run out to the 24-hour store while he sleeps.

So the grocery store, the only rules were hold my hand in the parking lot because the big cars will smash you flat, and no screaming but stay by me. I think because I let him have more freedom to run ahead he was happier. I only needed 6 things and had him try to help me hold and find things. Nothing like the library where I was trying to find the books and get out and be quiet. So the store was perfectly fine! I was amazed at the completely different child I had on my hands. He was smiling and waving at people so when he practically ran into them it wasn't too horrible. We only had a few iffy moments where I wouldn't let him hold the milk or handle the eggs, but redirection to have him hold the coffee (yes I went 2 days without it omg) seemed to work. I wasn't sure if it would work though. That's the hard part. What worked in the store today, won't work another day. We've had days where he would've thrown the coffee container because I wouldn't let him carry the too heavy milk. It's such a crap shoot that it gives me anxiety to think about it.

So the 123 Magic book, hopefully I'll find time to read some of it. You know, because I have 3 weeks to do 8 weeks of Lit reading/movies homework...and computer assignments, etc.

Tomorrow I promise not to write about tantrums. Maybe dating, or the lack thereof instead. Not tantrums. Maybe they'll go away and I won't have to write about them again!

Monday, November 10, 2008

I have to say today was better than most the days we've been having here. I think it was because I needed grownup time to talk to another adult. Granted, my child didn't listen to me any better than when we're at home, and he melted down in the McDonalds, but whatever. I got out and talked in sentences more than 4 words long. Now Noah is worn out from the playland area and will be sleeping early since that 5 minute nap he took in the car won't do him any good. Five more minutes and counting!

I've make a promise to myself to shout less often and remember he's 2.5. It's the repeating myself that going to drive me crazy & is making me more grey. I have always hated repeating what I say and having a toddler who is currently willfully disobeying my requests is going to put me in an early grave. A fellow single mom and I were talking while the kids got ready to go Playland crazy and we were trying to figure out if it gets easier. Our friends with older kids tell us it does, but it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when there aren't any lights on while you're on your way! I keep telling myself that once we get past the crying for no conceivible reason that it'll be better, but then it's something else that will throw me for a loop. Just like when I thought that his being able to tell me if something hurt would help, it didn't. It just means he gets more upset since he can't tell me how he feels. I know it gets better. I just need to remind myself how quickly this will pass and I'll miss him at this age. Really...I will miss it...I know it. Seriously, how much longer until he goes to school???

Also, note to self: Do not say things like, "you smell like a whorehouse." to a child that parrots FUN NEW WORDS! Even if it's true because he rubbed the magazine perfume insert all over himself. Hopefully sleep will put that phrase in the forgotten pile. Oops.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of catch up. One little thing can send me into a spiral of total distraction and then I'm falling behind in everything. I have a terrible habit of procrastination which doesn't help when I need to have excellent time management. Even working from home, I multitask myself into inaction. I feel so overwhelmed by what needs to be done that I do nothing. I know that by breaking things into smaller parts things would get done, but I have starting a project and not finishing it all at once. I keep telling myself I have time to do it all, but I really don't. I have 50+ hours of work, full time classes at school, and my child with whom I'd like to pay more attention to since we're together all the time. Yet, it feels like I'm doing it all, but really doing nothing. I'm only half invested in school work, and my work suffers when I can't concentrate on getting jobs done quickly. My son constantly hears, "Mommy's working, please be patient honey, just one more minute." There's no way around it and no way to get it all done. Of course things are slipping through the cracks. Dishes pile up, floors don't get vacuumed, and laundry is towering over us. But somehow in the end it all gets done. Eventually it will. Maybe when my child leaves for college.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

It's cold and blustery. Today we have stone grey clouds with temps of 39 degrees. Tomorrow the sun should be out, but it will only be 37 degrees. This means pulling out the winter coats, gloves, and heavy sweaters/sweatshirts.

I feel totally unmotivated and sleepy. I have to force myself to do anything. If my couch was more comfy, I'd have a permanent indentation in it where I'd lay all winter. Since I work from home, I don't have the daily requirement of getting us out the door with puffy coats shoved in carseats, and later winter boots to brave the, dare I say it, SNOW. Although, maybe I wouldn't hate it as much if I did that more often.

I hate winter. I hate it more since having lived in AZ where you get some frost on the car and then it's 65+ all day with lots of sunshine. I'm spoiled. I need more sunshine without the freezing cold! I'm just so tired today.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Yesterday sucked. If gypsies came by I'd have sold my kid to them...or ran off with them myself! It was a bad day with yelling from both of us with hitting from one (him), and tears from the other (me).

Today is another day and I resolved to make it a better one. It wasn't perfect but it was better. Now he's asleep and I'm working in peace. Amen.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

On Election Day Noah and I made the fast food rounds because we had tons of errands to run. Since I was in the area, I decided to hit up the McDonalds with the giant playland where I can have grownup time while Noah plays with big kids. He's always the minority there, which usually isn't a problem. Except this time there was an issue.

This time there was another child there maybe 6-7 yrs old who was very much in our personal space, and with parents who ignored his behavior. His younger brother seemed to know how to act right, but I'm going to take a wild guess this child may have had some issues. From the time we walked in he was standing at our table with a running commentary on everything. Which my child was parroting inappropriately. Which included how black my child is. I get that at some ages kids state the obvious. What was most sad was the look I got from the child when he asked why my son was so black and I said because my son's dad was black. I think that child is now completely confused as to how that could possibly happen. Plus, he then ran off after my son YELLING "hey black boy, little black boy come here!" while everyone in the play area pretended not to hear him. Including the parents!

I finally had to stop him and tell him my son's name was Noah, in the nicest way possible of course. Inside I was ready to rip someone a new one with my momma bear feelings. Normally I don't care and just shrug it off, but the parents' reaction of just sitting there, like they were clueless, and not even having the courtesy to correct their child is what set me off. I know the child wasn't doing it maliciously, but it was getting on my nerves that the parents didn't step in and stop what was obviously inappropriate behavior from the time we got there. Then I felt like crap for getting irritated when the boy was so sweet and was helping my son when he was stuck. He obviously enjoyed playing with my child and making him laugh, but his parents were inattentive and I stepped in more than once to correct my child from copying the other child's odd behaviors.

I know I have plenty of time to figure out the best way to deal with people pointing out the obvious, but for now it always catches me off guard. Especially on election day when I was riding my high of a possible 'Black boy' becoming President.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Every time I hear them say "President Elect Barack Obama" I get giddy. I'm completely stunned and thrilled to know that FINALLY my vote was for the winner. It sucks when your party loses every time you vote. LOL I'm just glad it was a clear win instead of the craziness of previous elections.

I kept my 2.5 yr old up to see them announce his win, even though the kid was bouncing off the walls. He doesn't understand it all now, but he will. Having a biracial son, it'll be important to him later to look back on the first biracial (Black) President. It makes me so sad Obama's grandmother didn't make it to see this day.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I'm going to be glued to my television watching the results until it's over. I'm going to be one sleepy momma if it drags on into the night. I found that while most of my choices are pretty much Democratic, there were some Green party choices in there. I even voted for some Republicans! They were uncontested, but Republican nonetheless! LOL

For one second, I even considered going to Grant Park for the Obama event going on tonight, but I'm not crazy. Not with a 2.5 year old in tow just to say we were there. History might be in the making, but my son's safety (& sleep) matters more. It's going to be insane there!

Seriously, this election is making me anxious and excited, and I'm glad it's almost over. Again, no matter who you vote for in this election, just vote.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Second, I made a rookie mom mistake today. I said I wouldn't do this one because how dumb was it to punish yourself this way? Well I did it without thinking. I revoked the park outing we both desperately need right now.

Today I promised my son the park after I got done working at 3p, which by the way is often naptime. Then he was SO naughty while I worked, and not listening and throwing nasty loud tantrums, that I had run out of time outs and patience. So the words popped out, "We are NOT going to the PARK today since you don't know how to behave!" I revoked the park outing! What was I thinking?! Now I can't take it back and just go. It's beautiful here today too and we won't get many more of these. Tomorrow we have errands to do...during naptime. Wish me luck. I might work from home everyday, but I sure know how to create a schedule that ensures nothing gets done!

Right now, as I sit here typing this, he's pulling everything out of his backback that goes to the babysitters/dad's house. He is headed for the treadmill that I've already said repeatedly is dangerous, don't touch. I don't even have the energy or desire to say anything, but yet somehow I find another, "Do NOT touch, ONE...TWO...thank you for listening". Our brains are rotting with Snow White playing in the VCR, the DVD player just finished...something...and yet all hell is still breaking loose here. My head hurts, I even got these grinding, chest crushing hiccups because I was getting so upset. I never get hiccups unless I'm really annoyed and keeping it in.

I'm tired of being the 'mean' parent after he gets home from dad's house. He's going through a tantrum phase lately anyway and it's wearing me down. I know I need to be consistant with the time outs and follow through with what I say, but holy cow I'm tired. I feel the urge to give in and let him do whatever today. I just can't stand it. I'm killing myself to keep us afloat and I'm still rewarded with screaming, body flopping tantrums. I think it's naptime for us both. Hopefully, our attitudes are better after some rest. Where's my Nintendo DS?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

My place is so quiet today. I've been so productive with work and rearranging my apartment and unpacking boxes that have been sitting since July. I just need a few more hours of this serenity and I'm not sure when it will end. It doesn't come often, but when it does I'm almost immobilized with how much I want to do in the little time I have. Working usually takes a huge chunk of that time, but that's okay because the ex-husband took our son yesterday for daddy time. It's been a while since he took him with him and didn't just spend time with him here in my home. I don't get anything done when he's here visiting with the boy. Usually it means more work for me as I'm tripping over an extra person in the little space I do have. I admit that the last time he took his son was for 4 whole days. I read the whole Twilight series again including the newest book, instead of everything else I had to do. I chalked it up as 'me time' and didn't even turn on my television!

I do hate the aftermath of the days with daddy as it brings more tantrums and meltdowns, but I know the point is to have time with his father. I just don't like 'lying' that his daddy is at work all the time when he keeps asking. He's 2 1/2 and the day will come when I have to explain in detail why he has a 1/2 brother who lives far away with his mom, how daddy lives in grandma's home still, and we live in our home together. Actually, I did touch on this in simple terms when he was asking for his brother before leaving with his dad. I got a funny look and I swear I saw the gears creaking in his brain to figure it out.

I wish it was easier, but it is what it is. I should be grateful his dad is involved at all, right? There are single parents doing it completely alone with no financial or physical help at all, right? I just don't feel grateful for something that should be expected of the other parent, or a parent who swoops in as it suits them unpredictably. It just bugs me because there are dads who are more involved, so I don't understand how someone isn't. 'Working' just doesn't cut it for me as a reason to not be involved. Kids don't remember the money, they remember the fun and attention given to them. I guess eventually it all catches up to us, good and bad. Man I'm glad I'm the 'good one' now, until he's a teenager at least. LOL

...after writing the above, the ex showed up with our son. Sure enough, after he left all hell broke loose. Tantrums, hitting, crying, and the last straw was throwing things towards my computer...again. Off to bed he went with much crying and protest. He obviously didn't get a nap today...or was sugared up and crashing. He's sleeping now, but man it sucks for me to be the bad guy and the 'not fun one' when he gets home. *sighs*

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Oh goodness I just had to join another 'thing'. Begin day 1 of National Blog Posting Month, & hopefully I'll keep posting after getting into the habit again.

I have Halloween pictures! I cram in as much as I can for Halloween because I LOVE it! This year we started with Boo at the Zoo (Brookfield), the pumpkin farm, then trick or treating in WI with family, and last night we trick or treated again here in IL with Grandma J. Good thing too since we left the first excursion of trick or treat candy with Grandpa B. and Grandma K. Oops!

Last but not least, my favorite picture of the Halloween season the Vagina Train Jumper: