The Need to feel for the self (first!!!)

At this point in my coaching journey, my greatest challenge has been to work on being self-compassion. This has been primarily because I thought I was there and at the same time I hoped that self-compassion works out on itself without conscious and deliberate action towards achieving it. I realized that of all the things I did not nature, one of them has been the skill to feel for myself. For a long time my life has revolved around feeling for other people easily and actually working to ensure that I do the maximum possible to help them feel better whenever I can. But I forgot this girl.

So I reflected on the three things I am committing to in this journey in order for me to scale on. This is part of the process of coming from a place where I was struggling with my past in the last blog post as a way of finding space within myself to rise and be me despite all that has happened. It is not an attempt to perfect anything about me, it is a process of acceptance, affirmation and compassion for the self. Because at this point I really can’t express the three concepts enough I have penned my aspirations for them in a poem. I just want them to be tangible in my memory.

“Self-Acceptance”

I receive myself as I am

I am a struggle walking towards freedom

I am a woman whether that is understood or not I rise anyway

I am an emotional creature; I express myself to passion and feeling

I meet up with frustration, but triumph is a portion I commit to

I hold on to the past, but my dignified option is the future I will create for myself

All this I receive to the self and accept,

Self-Compassion

Is where I should be as I am going there?

I see myself there

Self-care being my priority and only option

Harnessing self-joy, uncontainable

I rise and rise there

Even if I carry of the burdens of this world, nothing will move me anywhere else

I am kind

I am kind to my self

I am kind to myself enough to accept, love and take care of myself

All this I receive to the self and accept!!!

Self-Affirmation

I am joy

I am happy

I am alive

I am heartbeat

I am inspired and inspiring

I am hope

I am good at what I do

I am kind to the self

I am living whilst I am alive

I am on a purposeful journey

I feel

I love

I relate

I engage well

I communicate well

All this I receive to the self and accept!!

I reflected on the need for these three things because I noticed that negative introspection placed me in a fearful place where I could not fully appreciate myself for who I am and for the experiences I have gone through. Personally , the coaching experience is the future for me, it is a journey so far that has taught me slow down and look at the very things I thought I had but were invisible in essence. This explains the reason why I have always felt for a long time that there has been a gap in my life and I just couldn’t place what was missing. Therefore working through this reflection is propelling me to focus more on myself which is still very difficult at this point.

Despite all this I have a picture which I am visualising every day and the beauty of it is that it evolves as I work through myself. It’s a picture of self-joy and genuine happiness that sips into my external relationships. So for me the struggle to discover that self is worth it. !!!

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Published by nyashasengayi

My name is Nyasha Sengayi. I find myself a sassy feminist who seeks and speaks her truth. Professionally, I am a Campaign Strategist working to design campaigns developed from applied research outcomes. I have worked in the young women’s movement in Zimbabwe for more than 8 years. My work is premised on opening space for effective advocacy and lobbying through research, key documentations and campaign based programming. I know and have it in my deepest thoughts that women have so much to offer this worlds and that’s what I wake up striving for; supporting other women to appreciate the importance of organising ourselves in the best way always. My work and life come alive through writing…I am here to write and to add a voice through writing. To send my voice out there in pursuit of freedom ... From myself... My conscience has denied me the chance to hide what has to be written. This is why I am here…With hope...
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