Why Michael Bay Should Only Make 90 Minute Movies

As I type this the Michael Bay blockbuster Transformers Revenge of the Fallen is already nearing…wait… just passed $400 million dollars in worldwide ticket sales. The film is the follow up to 2007′s Transformers, which also spawned massive success across the globe. We all know how easy it is for bloggers, critics, and journalists to harp on Bay for being an over-hyped and over-paid director. I actually wrote an article examining this entitled, “Why Does Everyone Hate Michael Bay?” After watching Transformers ROTF, paired with my past viewing experience of Pearl Harbor I think I’ve found the answer.

Some spoilers ahead…….

Michael Bay is good at action, there’s no denying that. His films are pure eye candy, and take minimal brain function to absorb. His usual formula involves a mediocre story, with comedic elements, paired with amazing action. Yet, every once in a while he tries to do something that isn’t in the best interest of anyone involved, he tries to “expand.”

If I could give the director a few pointers they would be the following:

If you’re over 90 minutes pull back, you’ve gone too far!

Romance is not your strong suit, stay away! Do you want your dialogue to sound like it’s from Star Wars: Episode II?

When shooting action scenes that involve robots, don’t be afraid to throw in a wide shot. We can’t tell what’s going on.

If fire and chaos is covering the screen, and I’m still bored. You’ve done something terribly wrong.

Remember 2001′s Pearl Harbor? You could say it was Bay’s answer to James Cameron’sTitanic. He used a well known historical event as the backdrop for a love story featuring attractive, young actors. You’d think that would be a simple and successful format to follow right? Wrong! This isn’t just any love story, it’s a triangle between childhood friends, who are fighter pilots in the armed forces. They fall in love with the same woman, who in turn gets knocked up, but there’s no time to deal with that because they’ve got a country to protect! The movie was excruciating to watch. It ran at just over three hours, and you had to wait a good hour and a half before the first ship is bombed. The script was not good enough to hold my attention, and it had far too many story lines going on simultaneously.

For Bay’s most recent fare TransformersROTF, he promised us that everything would be bigger and better than the original, so when I saw the almost two and a half hour run time I didn’t flinch. The first Transformers wasn’t that much shorter and I thoroughly enjoyed that movie. I began to think that it was possible for Bay to direct something over 2 hours that doesn’t have 80 different subplots running at the same time. Oh, how I was wrong.

ROTF is a prime example of everything I hated about Pearl Harbor. It was long and pointless. I had no idea what I was watching, and the main character’s motivation changed so many times that during the last 30 minutes I had no clue as to why the film was still going. It’s as if he felt pressure to pull every cliche’, every lame joke, and multiple characters from the first film (that we didn’t need) to make the movie longer. Why?

I don’t hate Michael Bay, I just hate what happens when he tries to step into an arena in which he clearly has no business. Everyone can’t pull a Cameron or a Ridley Scott where you can seamlessly infiltrate action with a multifaceted story. There’s no shame in it, it’s just not his forte. Unfortunately, his longer films just don’t need to be, and could use a good half an hour trim. The Associated Press hit the nail on the head when they called ROTF the “Worst Reviewed 400-Million Dollar Hit.” How can something so action packed, be so boring as well? Please keep the extra long run time away from Bay, he just doesn’t know what to do with that kind of power.

Were you bored by Transformers 2 and Pearl Harbor?Do you think Bay allowed certain things to drag on for too long in both films?

I'll admit, I walked out of Transformers 2 having enjoyed the movie. But, as I sat and thought about it on my way home, I realized that I couldn't think of a reason WHY I enjoyed it. The human characters were mere shadows of themselves from the first movie, for starters. Then, the transformers (barring Optimus and Jetfire, anyway) were almost painful to watch; do NOT get me started on the leg-humping decepticon and the more-stereotypical-than-Jazz twins, or the fact that Bay seemed compelled to include a shot of Devastator's wrecking ball nads.

The plot also left something to be desired. Well, a lot of things to be desired. Even the fighting scenes weren't that exciting. To be honest, during the scenes in Egypt I was doing more cringing at the damage done to the architecture (studied Classics in college) than being entertained by the explosions.

All in all, Transformers 2 is a movie you go see to turn your brain off for a few hours. Don't expect much more out of it.

http://intensedebate.com/people/mali mali

My brain was off and not even the shiny colors and loud noises were enough to keep my attention for that long. It's not that it's bad, it just doesn't need to go longer than 90 minutes.

name

there are two more important things to point out here:
- there is plenty of shame in being unable to do direct a movie with a plot.
- people are finally getting tired of mindless violence.. it was fresh like the beastie boys were back in the day… i can't watch tranformers 1 or his previous movies without feeling the same way. this movie put into perspective my opinions his previous movies…

mkkkk

ROTF WAS AWESOMEEE

http://www.youbrandinc.com Scott Scanlon

Very well written, I thought I was the only one who had the feeling through out ROTF, at no time during the movie did I feel that connected to the movie, even during the rerun of action sequences.

Great overview here!

Aeryn

I really enjoyed ROTF, i wasn't bored at all

http://slyck.com zbeast

Ok, shoot me. I'm sorry, I liked tranformers 2, that it I said it, I liked the film.
Yes it was mindless but so was the cartoon. Bad robots does something evil, good robots
trys to stop them. Gun fight starts here. Crap blows up. Oh and these stupid robots turn
into cars. How can you go wrong. This is a guy film or man boy film. for those who bitch
that males no longer grow up, girls like the film too. It was good summer fun..
He makes people happy and feeds the animal mind in all of us..
Sex, and explosions whats not to like?

Scott

Its a great movie that being overanalyzed to death. Sometimes a movie is just a movie.

mofo

SFX were top notch, sound design was absolutely amazing, THAT'S IT. The most convoluted, uninspiring story imaginable. Cheap humor, throw away characters, terrible story development. However…
It somehow managed to be somewhat entertaining. Still, way worse than the 1st one and an overall embarrassment to the transformer franchise.
I know that Michael Bay's movies are mindless, but this one was just plain dumb

bob

i think you either love this movie or hate i simple loved every minute of it people are just thinkin oo transformers 1 was amazing so this has to be better this was on par to the first.
and to be honest goteverything right

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=594481676 Kristyan D'Aprano

I was bored with an hour to go. So many things just didn't click with me. This article was spot on in naming most of them. what was with the Alice scenes? They achieved nothing and took up 30 minutes. Scott's comment rings true- in the end I didn't feel connected to anything, the Prime death included (since story wise he had to come back- no one else had been developed enough to be a leader since Bumblebee obviously is a secondary type and Iron Hide got nothing to say or do).

Steve

I fell asleep watching it… I didn't want to…. i tried to like it… and maybe I would if I could stay awake long enough to enjoy what I am sleeping through…. to be honest…. i just don't know….

JD6

Michael Bay needs to put substance into his movies. We have been lulled into a myth that effects-laden movies must have crappy dialog and plots written by lazy idiots. Why the F should we have to 'turn' off our minds in order to see a movie? Talk about an epic fail! We end up defending the 'good enough' instead of screaming for something that will inspire our creative lives for weeks after seeing it. No really, movies should do that! You want dangerous, adventurous cutting edge movies but you are only getting a sub-fraction of what you deserve by these directors and studios. Stop expecting and demanding less than excellence from Hollywood. The money, technology and talent is there. The demand for greatness is not. Or, the demand for greatness is not yet great enough. Slop in a trough. What you get.

IMO, this was the stupidest "ET war between transforming robots" that could have been made. Cut it down to 90 minutes and its the shortest stupidest "ET war between transforming robots". Cant make gold out of crap no matter how many times you cut and splice it.

However, I cant wait to get the dvd so I can rip it and make a cool music video from the amazing action-effect sequences (re-edited for visual sanity and a metal soundtrack added in). Run time 6 min. Watch probably 3 times, then toss it in the trough.

notstupid

to the author: you are a stupid human being.

ttraveler

Some people are just haters. That movie kicked ass. Shia Lebouf was hilarious. Its people like you that shit can the good movies.

ttraveler

and pearl harbor did suck, but dont compare it to that garbage

Optimuszzzz….

it's pretty amazing to me that a movie can manage to be so boring and offensive at the same time…..optimus prime is always a pleasure to watch, soundwave's incarnation as a satellite was a cool ideation of his character, but damn……i just didn't care about ANYTHING that happened, except that i was bummed out when the twin survived being eaten…..talk about characters that make jar jar binks seem downright empathetic….

MIke

@ Mali, then you really don't know the genius of Michael Bay.

He mixed up the right elements of timely Megan Fox shots, action, and the shell of a romance he had cooking between Buff and Fox. The Robot chick was also eye candy. I sat in a threatre full of teens and not one walked out of it.

Dem Bones

The movie, after reading negative review after negative review, far surpassed my expectations. I knew what was going on among/between the major robots and did not care that, at a particular moment, I knew not where Skids was. The robots conveyed size, and most importantly, heft, in their battles. I came away feeling sorry for Bay that he was ridiculed for what was a very excellent popcorn movie.

louis

You have to know when to put action clips on a movie. You don't have to insert all robot-human fighting sequence on each scene, as this will make all the action scene boring

ROTF

just saw it.
I am 21.
I am Med school.
and it was good.
now say wat?

wtfROTF

Three words…. Too…. many….people… wtf is the army being in more than half of the movie and not the transformers… it's a show about a battle between good and evil freaking robots…. not humans being too involved in it…. watch beast wars -_-

juan

rotf(lol)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=504487391 Winky Chow

Why don't people realize there is a difference between a good movie and a fun movie and that they can overlap. Transformers: ROTF is just a fun movie. Enjoy it for the explosions and the eye candy don't worry that the plot is shallow.

V.J.

Walk out on pearl harbour.
saw titanic 6 times.
& I'm a mothafucking street nigga!
Im posed to love transformers an only take pussy to see shit like titanic.

Stacey

I felt that the dialog was extremely forced and that they didn't know how to even begin the movie. The first 30 minutes were absolutely pointless! Don't even get me started on it taking an hour for Sam to get to Optimus Prime when he only had to walk A MILE. Really? REALLY? You couldn't have cut any extraneous scenes out of this one?

I kept checking my watch and cell phone for texts during this movie. I wanted nothing more than to exit the theater but was trapped by my friends who happened to enjoy it.

I haven't seen Transformers 2 as of yet because I honestly got burnt out from the hype but I can tell this is the best and most accurate review that will be written about it. I completely agree with the points made about Pearl Harbor and am happy to see that I wasn't losing my mind for thinking it was HORRIBLE movie. You really could not have said it better because I definitely don't hate Michael Bay but lengthy movies with complex characters is definitely not his forte.

http://readhentai.co.cc Demexii

This movie had too much plot. I don't give a shit why anything is happening, I wanted to see Fox in little clothing and giant robots tearing off each other's heads. Any time you take out of showing that is too much. I don't care who they are or what they are doing. I want to see people flying and explosions. Damn, if you want a plot watch some dumb chick flick. Its all plot.

I am a "teen" who had the patience not only to watch this movie once but twice. And all of my friends who saw it with me were able to keep their attention on the movie. And even after talking to some one who didn't like it i asked them why and the only thing they said was that the fight between optimus and the fallen should have been longer. Sure some parts were unnecessary and could have been cut but doesn't every movie have those parts. Nothings perfect and for people to condemn a movie or "director" for what's wrong with them rather than rejoice at the good things is horrible.

TheFuzzball

As a teenager, I completely agree.

joe

I saw it tonight. And this movie sucked. First one was great. This one however was just too much of nothing. Mindless nothing that never stops. At one point in the last 30 min. I just closed my eyes for awhile because there was nothing worth watching. Then opened them when heard some dialogue again.