[Edition 74] Residents of Bendigo woke today to find that a tornado had done half a million dollars worth of improvements to their town. Winds reached 130 kilometres per hour, cleaning up the streets and knocking down several of the town’s worst eyesores.

A poorly Photoshopped sign was among the tornado casualties

[Edition 74] BENDIGO, Monday: Residents of Bendigo woke today to find that a tornado had done half a million dollars worth of improvements to their town. Winds reached 130 kilometres per hour, cleaning up the streets and knocking down several of the town’s worst eyesores.

Betty Carmen of Bennett St woke to find several improvements had been made to her property.

“I thought Backyard Blitz must have visited in the night, the yard was so clean,” said Carmen. “It got rid of all the shit that the hubby has been promising to move for years.”

Willy Sparke, who resides in the Bendigo caravan park, woke during the night after another caravan crashed on top of his mobile home. “It was fucking scary at the time,” he admitted. “But I’ve always wanted to add another story to the old place. The extra room will be put to great use.”

The Nerang family had hoped for a financial windfall from an insurance claim after the brick factory next door blew over into their house. But assessments by their insurance company concluded that the house had doubled in value.

“Apparently the place is now double brick so the value’s gone up,” explained a confused Dora Nerang.

The local council will vote this week on whether or not to keep the new water feature that has been created by flash flooding in the park.