Past Imperfect

Monday, August 07, 2017

My first thought was for my dear
little nephew Matthew.Surely she hadn’t
left him in Africa but

Mum reassured me.

“Mathew’s fine and they are both at
the Aunts.Maddie didn’t want to spoil
your homecoming.She said when things
have settled down she’s coming to see you in Sheffield.”

“She ‘eld off leaving Africa until after’t wedding,” said Dad.They both looked distressed.Now I realised why the eldest aunt – Edith
had been in tears when I walked down the aisle.

I remembered how Maddie and Paul
had met when she and I were on holiday with the Aunts in Cleveleys.Paul had been on embarkation leave; then they
had a long separation followed by a romantic reunion and impassioned pleas to
Mum and Dad to let them get married.If
only she had finished her training at the Slade.How different she and I were - but then we’d had
very different upbringings.Now their
marriage had ‘irretrievably broken down’.One of the factors apparently was the threat to Matthew’s health.Bilharzia- a disease caused by a parasitic
worm found in ponds, streams and irrigation was rife where they had been living
in Nigeria
but the main reason was that the marriage had failed and Maddie was now a
single parent.

William told me not to fret about
it; there was nothing we could do and we would have our hands full settling
down in Sheffield so I left a supportive
letter for Maddie and urged her to come and see us soon.

The next day, with as many of our belongings as we could carry we set
off for our new home.

Although the couple whose home we were sharing had two young children –
a boy of seven and a girl of nine, they were middle aged and it felt strange
sharing their home.We were given two
rooms – their former dining room and a tiny bedroom with just enough room for a
double bed pushed up against the wall and the use of the kitchen and
bathroom.The snag was we had to go
through their living room to reach the kitchen.The husband was very quiet and reminded me of an ancient mandarin and
his wife was short and untidy with flyaway hair.There was an atmosphere in the house; they
were polite to us but spoke to each other in angry whispers.The children were like most children,
alternately sweet and naughty and the little boy would let off steam running
round the house yelling “CORSETS!”

I tried to quell my misgivings-
William took one look at the double bed in our bedroom and was as happy a
sand-boy.

There was great pressure at meal times to ensure we put everything we
needed for the meal into the hatch and then – apologising profusely - go
through their room where they would be having their meal.One night back in our room I realised I had
put all we needed in the hatch except the cutlery.

“William I can’t face disturbing
them again – I’m going to climb through the hatch.”

“Don’t be silly- you ca---“

Too late I stood on a pouffe and
pushed myself head first through the hatch and got well and truly stuck.Terrified they would catch me with my head
dangling over the kitchen floor I implored William to pull me back.He did so with unnecessary gusto and we ended
up on the floor – but at least it was on our side of the hatch.

The wife went out to work and the husband stayed at home all day.They hadn’t been clear about how much rent we
would be paying and it transpired that they expected that I would look after
the children and clean the house in return for the two rooms.The wife confided in me and told me how she
planned to leave her husband and was building up a case for a divorce and
hinted that I could help her do this.

I planned to arrange an interview
at the local hospital and I told William we had to find somewhere else to live
if we had to scour every newsagent’s windows in Sheffield.

William and I both wanted children - that had been the trigger that had
caused me to say yes.After talking it
over we decided to give ourselves two years to get to know one another and
prepare a home for our baby.William
needed to finish his apprenticeship and find a job and I needed to find a job
as a trained nurse and earn some money.Oh and urgently we needed to find somewhere else to live.

Throughout his life William would always have, or would find a book on
whatever subject I – or family and friends were interested in.He haunted second hand book shops and rarely
paid more than a few pence for the most academic of books.Now he provided me with Dr Marie Stopes'
‘Married Love.’She was a passionate feminist
and the founder of Family Planning.Fortunately there was an FP Clinic at Attercliffe Common where I had to
show proof that I was married.Then I
was educated on the methods of contraception available.I considered the following three:-

1It could be left to the husband.

2An internal coil could be fitted which would require
changing every few months.

3I could be fitted with a diaphragm which would be used
in conjunction with spermicidal cream. (“Cream or Jelly,” as an assistant at
Boots once bawled at me?)

The first was a nonstarter.The second – I didn’t fancy having a foreign
body inside me for months at a time so I settled for the third – which made it
my responsibility.

I found if you followed the
instructions and the timings it was fool proof.The disadvantage - it was a bit messy and the diaphragm had a habit of
jumping from one’s grasp, once it was lubricated.

That problem was sorted – now I had
to find a job.I decided to beard the
lion in her den, called at the Hospital and asked to see Matron.I was in luck – she agreed to see me.It turned out she was a great admirer of our
own Matron and held my training school in high esteem, so I was accepted once
she had seen my references.I was to be
Staff Nurse in the Out Patients Department.I was given my first outdoor uniform– a brown gabardine with a neat little hat.I just prayed no-one would have a heart attack
in the street whilst I was coming to work.

Every spare minute I was scanning
newsagent’s windows and asking around for rooms to let.One day I was approached by a Middle European
woman teetering on high heels.

“Well I have a house which I let out
and the attic is vacant but it is very small.”

“Oh please could we come and see
it?”

When William came home from work we met up with the lady and she showed
us the house.It was on a hill in a
nicer area and the attic was up a tiny flight of stairs.At the top of the stairs was a minute kitchen
with a skylight and one small room.There was a gas fire and an enormous pipe skirting the room at waist
height- so useful for airing clothes I thought.Then there was a lumpy sofa which was a put- u-up where we would sleep.We had to share the bathroom on the floor
below but we both rejoiced to think we would have our own private eerie.Some time after we had moved in we were told
that our predecessor had died of polio on the very same sofa bed – even that
didn’t dampen our spirits.We reckoned
this would be our home whilst we were in Sheffield.It was very cheap - we would both be earning
and soon we would be able to buy furniture.There was a big department store called Coles and I had seen a lovely
dining room suite.It had a Welsh
dresser with a Tudor Rose carved on it, a refectory table and the chairs were covered
in a Jacobean print.

It felt great to one of the grown up Work Force.Hitherto I had been a glorified school
girl-resident in the workplace and subject to rules and regulations.It was a new experience to be setting out in
my new brown uniform which often elicited an approving smile.As I smiled back I prayed everyone would stay
vertical. Only the educated few would realise I was RSCN – not SRN.

At the Hospital everyone was friendly and there was a more relaxed
atmosphere in Out Patients.The area
itself was much dirtier that I was used to; there were no clean air
restrictions and I had noticed in our eerie the window sills were covered with
sooty, greasy grime which needed to be washed weekly.The poorer children often had dirty heads and
impetigo was rife.One poor boy’s face and
scalp were covered and each day I had to clean him up and then treat the area
with gentian violet which made him deep purple from the neck up.I think that, paradoxically now people are
cleaner, standards of hygiene have slipped.In those days we didn’t need to be reminded to wash our hands or keep our
hair away from faces and collars.No way
would we risk getting nasty skin diseases and pediculi in our hair.Chefs nowadays think nothing of beating a
mixture vigorously with their floppy hair shedding its detritus to the mix.

We settled into the attic room and I had to get used to doing a day’s
work, keeping the flat clean, seeing to the laundry and cooking a meal.That was women’s work.Our main relaxation was the cinema, books and
the radio.

Dodie, William’s mother used to breed dogs and her offspring were all
over the country.She remembered clients
she had in Sheffield and more or less suggested
they should get in touch with us which they dutifully did and invited us for
coffee.It was the custom to give guests
coffee –usually instant and served in a blue or green Denby jug with biscuits
or sandwiches rather than alcohol.We
were given bridge rolls with a tasty Polish ham garnished with bits of cucumber
and from then on all my guests were served the same.Slowly I was learning to be ahousewife and a hostess

The people on the floor below, with whom we shared a bathroom were very
pleasant.The bathroom had a faulty lock
and I was horrified one day to see a teapot spout appear round the door.My scream stopped it dead in its tracks and
it vanished along with a very embarrassed downstairs tenant.Profuse apologies all round and a new bolt
was fixed.

Life was hectic.Occasionally we
would travel over the hills to my parents and be pampered.Gran was back from the States and Maddie had
a local job.Everybody was concerned that I had lost quite
a bit of weight and I had to promise to go to see the doctor.My life had changed; although I had worked
hard for years - nourishing meals had always been provided and I had no housework
or laundry to do.Then there was the sex
– no wonder I was skinny.

Monday, June 26, 2017

An Imperfect Life.

Chapter 22

BINGO!

Exhausted after our marathon
journey we spent a couple of days recovering.I unpacked my trousseau and we did the deed.I decided Rome wasn’t built in a day. Eventually the
clouds lifted and with them our spirits and we started to enjoy our
honeymoon.It was exciting being
surrounded by foreigners – the Scesaplana was a favourite resort hotel with the
Dutch Royal Family.An enormous Dutchman
introduced us to ‘velvet liquid fire’ and Grand Marnier became our evening digestif.

There were Italians and Swiss but one day a coach full of young men
arrived and incredibly they turned out to be from Metro Vickers where William
worked.Even that didn’t dampen our
spirits.

We became friendly with two older
ladies from Edinburgh
who were seasoned travellers.They had a
very good relationship with the rather dour head waiter who, following their
example we called Rudolph.

“Pat dear – it’s probably not a
good idea to call Rudolph Rudolph.”

“Oh but I thought that was his
name.I’m sure I heard you…

“You see my dear we used to come
here before the war so Rudolph is an old friend and well - Flora and I are
quite elderly so it is permissible.However he is the Head Waiter and should be addressed as Herr Ober.”

She told me this in such a gentle way I was grateful and we immediately
took her advice and Herr Ober was less grumpy.After all we had been enemies until recently.It was a shock to see the graveyards full of photographs
of young men in German uniform.Some of
them looked like children.

I was mesmerised by the sparkling mountain - the Scesaplana which seemed
to be whispering “climb me!”When I
heard the Metro Vickers lads were planning a climb I persuaded William that we
should do it first rather then go up in a crowd.

At 10,000’ the mountain was almost
three times the height of any mountain I‘d climbed, but as the village was itself
high I reckoned we -by now - should be
acclimatised and wouldn’t go barmy as we got higher.Dodie had made it clear that William had no
climbing experience so I did feel responsible, asking lots of questions about
the route and choosing a perfectly clear day for the climb.Trained by Jamie and Alec in the Lakes I was
fairly good at spotting routes.It was a
long slog but well way-marked.As we got higher the greenery and rocks were
covered with snow and when we eventually reached the top there was an amazing
vista.All around were distant peaks.

“Look William we’re surrounded by
ice cream cones – upside down.Aren’t
you glad we did it?”

William grinned – I think he was
glad.We were fascinated by a man
dressed in lederhosen who was preparing to scree- run down a rocky precipice.It was far more dangerous than anything I had
done in the lakes so I had no intention of suggesting we took that route.As he set off his friends leant way over the
edge calling out to guide him from above – shouting “Links! Links! Recht!
Recht!”

Once he was out of sight there was
a deathly silence and we trusted he had got down safely.

It was very hot as we worked our way down the mountain – not a soul in
sight so I took my shirt off.

We felt immensely proud chatting to
the MV boys later in the bar and the next day they repeated our feat.

“I got a great shot of the
glacier,” boasted one of them.There was
quite a lot of chat about the glacier and later, in our room I questioned
William.

“I don’t remember any glacier.Do you?”William admitted he didn’t.

For the briefest of times William was putty in my hands and - to my
shame - we set off the next day to climb the mountain once more.At the summit we met some English speaking
climbers and discovered the large snowy waste at the bottom of the mountain was
the glacier and we were about to traverse it for the fourth time.

Whilst all this activity was going
on I was on a quest to find ‘the Big O’ (orgasm).

It was akin to catching a falling
star or attempting to scoop up mercury from a broken thermometer.I kept coming close until finally –
BINGO!It blew my socks off!

“Pat the desk gave me this telegram
for you.”

My hands shook as I opened the
orange envelope.I screamed and William
rushed over to comfort me.

“I’ve passed!I’m State Registered!”

I explained that I had left
sufficient money for Matron to send a telegram to tell me the results

Walking round the Austrian countryside
was pure Von Trapp although the musical had not yet been written.The hills were
alive – with the sound of cow bells, the children and adults were dressed in
quaint costumes, there were tiny churches and the whole area had a fairy tale
feel.The shepherds were very friendly
and would offer us a schnapps and we ignored their very ripe smell.I suppose washing lederhosen isn’t the easiest
thing to do. We learned to greet the villagers with a cheery “Grus Gott!”One woman replied with a cut glass accent
“Good morning- actually I’m from Chelsea!”

It was so sad wandering round the church yards
and seeing photos of young men in uniform their lives cut short by the awful war.

The day after our second ascent I woke up blinded.All that glittering snow had given me snow
blindness.

William was very solicitous.

“Time to slow down a bit.After all we are on honeymoon.”After a day in a darkened room I was fine but
made sure to wear sun glasses for the rest of the time.

One of the weird things about the
hotel; the bathrooms were at the end of the main corridor and were kept
locked.The drill was you had to ring for
the chambermaid, she would run you a bath, provide you with towels and charge
you x amount of Austrian Schillings.The
first time I did this the water was cool.We wondered if this was a local custom as in Greece where the moussaka is never
hot by the end of the day.As the water
in our hand basin was really hot and William was out I decided to have a really
good stand–up wash.In wartime days it
was the custom to bathe once a week with just five inches of water; some people
painted a line round the bathtub but as a nurse I was accustomed to a daily hot
bath.Half way through my ablutions the
door handle rattled – it was William- also a little rattled to find the door
locked.

“Give me quarter of an hour William
I’m having a wash.”

What I didn’t realise was that he
had come upstairs with some of the MV boys who were in the room opposite and
who were vastly amused at his discomfiture.Sorry William.I was learning
that privacy in marriage was a rare commodity.

We had formed a small group of friends with a couple of the younger MV
boys and two charming Swiss girls and set out on a long coach trip to Bologna in Italy
between the Apennines and the Adriatic coast.Bologna
with its wide piazzas, marble floors and dusky red buildings –La Rossa - as it
is known - was a great contrast to our Austrian idyll.The food and shops were tempting and the
dazzling scenery en route was well worth the gruelling journey.

The capital of the Vorarlberg is Bregenz on LakeConstance which is bordered by Germany, Austria
and Switzerland.Every summer since 1946 an opera has been
performed on a floating stage on the lake and our gang of six had the great
good fortune to attend this spectacle.We spent the afternoon in a small boat and requested the chaps to “Regardez la soleil,”
whilst we changed into our cossies for a swim before the opera.I can’t remember the name of the opera sadly
and research has been fruitless – it was July/August 1951 but I do remember being
moved by the beauty of the voices drifting over the lake – shimmering in the
setting sun.

As the honeymoon came to an end I realised what a lucky girl I was.Less than two years earlier, I had believed
that life worth living was over.I had
managed to banish Jamie from my conscious mind but Maddie always kept in touch
with his brother Liam. Many years later
I heard that Liam told Jamie I had married someone who had been in the Navy and
Jamie assumed it was Andrew.

A year later he married the older
woman.

It was time to return to real life in a strange town – Sheffield.William was in the final part of his
apprenticeship and I had to find a job.First we had to collect our wedding presents from Mum and Dad and then settle in
the two rooms we were renting from the man we met in the street.I felt I had come to Austria a girl
and was leaving as a woman.Would people
be able to tell?Did I look any
different?I was longing to see Mum and
Dad and tell them about the people we had met and the mountains we had climbed
but as soon as I saw their faces I knew something was wrong.Mum had beautiful blue/green eyes and when
she was distressed they were a clear turquoise.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Havoc our corgi who appears in Chapter 21- in her younger days. The photo was taken by Lisa Sheridan - photographer to HM and mother of the actress Lisa Sheridan who starred in the film Genevieve. Roger Moore was a model at the time - often used by Lisa but sadly our paths never crossed.

Thursday, June 01, 2017

Trying to arrange an instant marriage just before Finals was
too much.It was

William.

“Great news!I’ve
been allowed to purchase my discharge.I
don’t have to go to

Korea and we
can go back to having our wedding in July.”William was ecstatic and

predictably I burst into
tears.I wish I could remember how much
we had to pay.£11 sticks in my

mind, or
was that the cost of the material for my wedding dress?Or was that the amount Uncle Bill

left me in
his will?Or was it all three?At least now I had time to plan.The bridesmaids were still

not singing from
the same hymn sheet so I put them on hold.Dad had his ‘boiled ham suit’- so called

because he always wore it at
weddings and funerals where boiled ham was always on the menu.It

was black jacket and striped trousers so
it made sense for the men to hire the same and then I’d be

sure William would
look respectable.Toppers and tail would
be inappropriate.

He did look fine on the day- apart
from the thick ex- navy woollen socks he chose to wear.

Mrs Driver had been making my
dresses for years and her daughter, who was studying fashion did six designs
for me to choose from.She wasn’t
thrilled when I chose the top of one and the bottom of another (I couldn’t
resist having a spray of orange blossom over my bum) but sweetly gave way.

I tried to keep the cost down for
Mum and Dad’s sake; it was the custom for the bride’s parents to pay for
everything except the flowers and taxis.Maddie had held her reception in a hotel in Waterfoot but I longed to
get away from the blackened hills – they were
in those days - and into the beautiful countryside not too far away.

Does the ‘Black Bull still exist in
Rimmington I wonder?

We rode over on the motorbike one
sunny evening and it was green and leafy and alive with bird song.

“Would you like champagne for the
toast?”

“Oooh yes please.”And then they told us how much it would cost
for 60 people and we settled for sherry.This was the North so we were getting a three course sit down meal.Naturally.

Everything seemed to be falling into place and then in May William’s
father died.Although we knew he was
quite ill it was a great shock for William and he rushed home for the
funeral.I was sad that I would never
meet him.Like many veterans of /WW1 his
health had suffered.He had been senior
master at Lord Nelson’s old school for many years and many of his ex pupils
were there.

William told me that he and his
brother- on compassionate leave from the navy found themselves grinning with
nerves but when the choir sang ‘Abide with me.’

“I was finished and couldn’t hold
back the tears.”

“We should postpone the wedding
William.” But William said his father would have wished us to carry on with our
plans to marry July 21st 1951.

When William’s elder brother Wallace had married his parents had given
the couple a sum of money; Fleur - his bride came from a moneyed family.Dodie consulted an old family friend to see if,
now she was widowed, she should do the same for William.The friend said she should treat both boys
equally.

William decided we should have a decent honey moon and unselfishly –
knowing how I felt about mountains - put his own passion for sailing on hold
and booked three weeks in the Vorarlberg in Austria.He was afraid sailing would put me off but
eventually our happiest times were our sailing days.Dodie was convinced William would fall off
the first mountain he climbed.

At last Finals were over and I was free to leave.I arranged that Matron would cable the
results to our hotel in Brand- a mountain village William had chosen in
preference to one called Lech.I had three whole weeks before the wedding so
William asked me if I would spend it with his mother in Norfolk.He also gave me a book by Van de Velde on sex to prepare me for married
life.

Norfolk
was another world.The village was
feudal and Dodie pre –war. So very
different from deepest, darkest Lancashire.There was tennis and croquet on the lawn
(Dodie was a demon with a mallet), lunch parties and always afternoon tea with
the water boiled in a silver kettle on a spirit lamp.To this day it sits on my Welsh dresser-
regularly cleaned but no longer used.The
house was sprawling – shabby but charming with bowls of roses from the garden
on the old polished tables.

William had asked his boyhood friend- Gerry
Brown - who lived next door to keep an eye on me.He was a gentle soul with glasses and sprutty
black hair and was to be our best man.He had never met a girl from the North so did some goggling.A typical bachelor I was delighted when some
years later he met his own girl from the North, married her, had four children
and never looked back.

Dodie was very hospitable, took me to see the sights and the lovely
beaches and gradually I met most of the family friends.We went to Norwich one day and Dodie bought me a
beautiful leather hand bag in crushed strawberry – the exact shade of my going
away suit.The break hadn’t been all
peaches and cream.Dodie was very deaf,
had a noisy whistling hearing aid so I sympathised when she took it out.I found my ‘Bacup talk’ used by factory girls
in the mill – exaggerated enunciations and facial expressions - very useful.One day she sent me out with the three dogs –
even William raised his eye brows when I told him.The dogs were two dachshunds – Annette a fat
happy dog, Brunette a miniature dachs and neurotic as all get out and Havoc a
welsh corgi well named.They hated each
other with a passion.I got as far as
the garden gate and then all hell let loose.I was caught up in their leads with three snapping, snarling beasts
going bananas. A car stopped and the driver tried to help me and finally Dodie
appeared and sprayed them with pepper I think it was.In spite of all that by the end of three
weeks I felt rested and ready for anything.Just as well as Mum greeted me with the news that I’d lost a bridesmaid.

Vanessa and Abe had called with the
news that she couldn’t get time off to be bridesmaid (she now had a sister’s
post in London.)They had given us a pressure cooker as a
wedding present and it was my sole cooker for years.Even this didn’t dampen my spirits.Now Annie could have her wine coloured dress
instead of the dreaded stripes.Next
stop the altar.

Just before the wedding William was told he would do the rest of his
apprentice ship in the Sheffield steel works;
so for one long weary day we pounded the pavements of this unfamiliar city
looking for somewhere to live.A pretty
hopeless task in the early fifties.We
read notices in local shops and asked people on the street – to no avail.Just as we were about to give up and go home
a harmless looking man with a toothbrush moustache and flat hair approached us.

“Excuse me.I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you
looking for somewhere to live?”Once he
was satisfied we were gainfully employed and respectable- the nursing bit went
down a treat - he told us that he and his wife and two children could let us
have two rooms and the use of the kitchen.There was just time to see them before catching the train home

That wedding day in July the weather was perfect and I remembered ‘Happy
is the bride the sun shines on.’I
determined to enjoy every moment.At
home we had a bathroom with a bath but the hot tap gurgled and spat out hot
water grudgingly- evermore so with each additional bath.I told the family politely but firmly that
today of all days I was to have the first bath and to my surprise they
agreed.The morning passed in a haze but
at last it was just Dad and me alone waiting for the taxi.I couldn’t believe how calm I felt.I loved my dress, Dad looked great and my
family and friends would be waiting at the Church.And with any luck so would William.Why didn’t I feel nervous?Walking up the path to the Church I
remembered how Evan and I used to follow this same path, reluctantly every
Sunday morning.Walking slowly down the
aisle it seemed everyone turned round and smiled at me.Except for the eldest of the aunts and she
was crying.What was that all
about?William and Gerry were beaming
and looking incredibly smart and Annie was a lovely bridesmaid in her favourite
claret colour.Her wealthy parents had
treated her to a dress in a rich fabric which probably cost the earth and she
had pink feathers in her hair.

When we got to the part where we plight our troth it was William’s turn.There was silence and I realised his stammer
was the reason he had been keen to get married at sea.I looked at him and smiled encouragingly and
he smiled back and still nothing.I
could feel everybody willing him to speak but William and I were perfectly calm
and in the end the Reverend Sokell said it all for him, so in theory I was
married to him.

There were great waves of relief as we walked down the other aisle to
the triumphant swell of the organ.Now
we could relax and have fun.All the
guests were taken to Rimmington by coach and I was so glade we had chosen the
countryside where the fields were not blackened by the cotton mills and the
birds were singing.The heat was
sizzling but the inn was cool and it felt really special greeting our
guests.Three nurses from our set had
travelled from London
and the Miller family were my special guests: the daughter had been left at
home but young David was there, his eyes out on stalks.

Dodie- still in mourning for William’s father was resplendent in black
and white.

She had asked William were we
church or chapel, crust or crumb?Now
she could see for herself.She seemed to
be enjoying herself and was treated to true Northern hospitality.After the toasts Hector asked if he might say
something.

“I expect you are wondering what we
– a Jewish family - are doing at Pat’s wedding.”

He went on how to explain how we
had met when I nursed his son David and how I had become part of the
family.By the time he had finished I
decided that if ever I wanted a character reference Hector was my man.

The afternoon flew by and it was
time to leave for our long journey.I
changed into the going away suit – crushed strawberry with shoes and bag to
match and a pale duck egg blue blouse.Jerry was driving us to Manchester in his
old banger where we would get the overnight bus to London.It would be some time before we saw the marital bed.The time passed pleasantly enough as we
reminisced, like an old married couple about the wedding and the guests.Three whole weeks in the mountains - and
foreign ones at that.Nowadays everybody
goes abroad bur then it was really special.

Thankfully William was a member of
the Victory Club in London
- we were tired and travel-stained so we had a wash and brush up and left our
luggage there.

After breakfast we ambled up Petticoat Lane and
William bought me nylons.The boat to France didn’t leave till 5pm so we spent the day
visiting museums (I was dazzled by Rodin’s sculpture ‘the Kiss’) and parks At
last we were on the boat for France
standing in a crowd.There was a strong
petrol smell and a man was violently sick.He picked up a cloth lying on the deck and wiped himself downWe stared as a matelot rushed up and
energetically hoisted the besmirched flag.

By the time we were on the train
that would take us through France
and Switzerland to Austria we were
exhausted.In the early hours of Monday
morning I wriggled from under William’s head which weighed a ton, looked down
at the smelly- socked feet of the man sitting opposite me and wondered why we
hadn’t settled for a shorter honey moon with more comfortable travelling arrangements.At last on Monday afternoon we arrived at the
Scesaplana hotel named after the towering mountain.It looked charming its balconies bedecked
with scarlet geraniums but the mountain was shrouded in thick cloud and we
could see nothing beyond the remains of an avalanche which had struck the
village that week.It was Monday
afternoon when we were shown to our twin bedded room.We were too exhausted to do anything but
sleep and I would have sold my soul for a cuppa.

Saturday, May 06, 2017

Still here - just.

Serves me right . I forgot to say goodbye before leaving for my seventh and - I have decided my last cruise. In brief it was ill -fated; at least three helicopter rescues and an ambulance in Sicily then one stopped counting. When I was confined to my cabin with a hacking cough - along with many other passengers, it occurred to me that the only time I have felt really ill in the last four and a half years was when I was on board and at my lowest point I was scared I could be dumped in a foreign hospital to peter out alone.

Safely back home, drugs finished I'm getting back on track and ready to welcome my various family visits.

Sicily, Amalfi and Cartagena were all memorable but please forgive me if I concentrate on getting back to normal.

Sunday, April 02, 2017

By the end of the evening we both knew quite a bit more about each other.

William was twenty five – my senior
by five years. As Mum said when she
first met him,

‘He’s a man Pat, isn’t he?’

He had been in the navy and was
indignant at the amount of space allotted to a

Rating compared with that of an
officer.His brother was a serving
officer in the

Royal Navy – and was married with
two children.William had just left Leeds

University (First Class Hons) and
started an apprenticeship with Metro Vickers.I

found him perfectly natural and
easy to talk to and it didn’t occur to either of us to leave each other after
that first dance.We arranged to meet in
ten days time.

William said he had to go back to Leeds to pick up a book-case and’ clear things up’.

I got the impression that he was
ending something.When we met again I
was

surprised how easily we slipped into a natural
relationship with none of the awkwardness one sometimes experiences with a new
acquaintance.This felt more like a
comfortable old glove.

“By the way Pat there’s something I must tell you.I’ve got a stammer.”Considering we had been talking pretty non-stop
since we met – this came as a surprise.His beautiful speaking voice had been the first thing that attracted me
to him.However, when he bought some
chocolates for the cinema, I saw how bad it could be.It seemed to vary according to whom he was
speaking.It never embarrassed him or
stopped him speaking whenever he felt like it.

One of his friends later told me
William had been a member of the Debating Society

and when his allotted speaking time
was up he said he should have longer because of his stammer.This friend also said he had never seen such
a change come over someone, since we had met.

His parents- both teachers who had met whilst teaching
at a school named Sexey’s - had sent him to be treated by Lionel Logue – the
man who famously treated King George VI.However William decided that no ‘trick cyclist’ was going to teach him
how to speak, so it was a total waste of money.

On our first date, ten days after we met, William asked me to marry him
which rather took my breath away. I told him about Jamie and said I didn’t
think I could ever love anyone else. This Probably was not a sensible thing to
do but it didn’t seem to daunt him. He said I probably needed time and he could
wait, so we agreed to wait six months when I would be twenty- one in March.
Meanwhile we would continue getting to know each other.Vanessa had started going out with Abe
who was at ManchesterUniversity and at
Christmas the four of us were going to a Fancy Dress Ball. The men made the
minimum of effort – Abe in a Noel Coward dressing gown with a long cigarette
holder and William, for no particular reason, in dungarees. Fancy Dress was
right up Vanessa’s street and she took charge. I was to be Nell Gwyn, complete
with oranges, and a purple satin dress trimmed with white muslin. Vanessa
thought it was too prudish and attacked the neckline with a pair of scissors,
which left little to the imagination and forced me to stay upright all evening.Vanessa was magnificent as Cleopatra – draped
in a white sheet on which she had painted hieroglyphics with gold paint. Her
sandals got the gold paint treatment along with a rubber catheter which she wound
round her brow and which looked exactly like a golden asp.
We had a great time and I felt – amongst all those rowdy students - completely
safe with William. At one stage he had gone to get us all a drink and a student
grabbed me, lifted me high into the air, spinning me round whilst I desperately
tried to keep in my dress. William appeared, gave an almighty roar and the
student dropped me and fled.We were
very late back at the hospital and for the first time took advantage of our fire-escape.
Abe and William came up too and we gave them a snifter of the peach brandy Vanessa
had bought for a Christmas treat.

As we said a lingering good night
William shocked me by saying:

“You know Pat I think you should
have made up your mind.If you haven’t by
now that is an answer in itself.”

In spite of the night cap I didn’t
sleep much that night.I was feeling pressured. It
was just January – my birthday wasn’t till March. As a Pisces I find decisions
difficult except on the rare occasions that I’m swept along by a tide of
conviction. The last year had dented my self confidence and I was no
longer sure I wanted to do further training – assuming I got my
RSCN. I had been honest with William and told him I could never love
anyone as I loved Jamie and he accepted that. Or so I thought.Of one thing I was certain – I wanted
children of my own and instinct told me that William would be a great
father. I would probably never meet anyone like him
again. He was kind, he had the common touch; equally at home
talking to the lord of the manor or a dustman and people took to
him. He had a first class brain, was honest, trustworthy and
honourable. He appeared to be deeply in love and I knew he would
take care of me – like that lovely song ‘Someone to watch over me.’ Would it be
enough for both of us? Could I trust his judgement?

I first met Jamie when I was fifteen,
but I was nineteen before I realised I loved him. Might not the same
thing happen with William?

On the other hand he had very strong
convictions and didn’t hesitate to air them, regardless of other people, which
sometimes caused upset. I suspected he was stubborn. In
the first flush of love I could usually sweet-talk him round but what about
after we were married? How I wished Maddie were
around. In the past I had resented her interference but now I really
needed her ‘take’ on the situation.

Then there was his stammer; I
was proud that he hardly stammered at all with me.He was full of ideas and with his mind racing
ahead, I found it very moving when he struggled to get the words
out. But I didn’t want to marry him out of compassion. I
prayed for guidance and the next time we met I took one look at his face and
said ‘Yes.’ and was swept along by his joy and enthusiasm.
William said we should phone his mother and he wanted me to speak to her. I

think the whole idea took her by
surprise. She had had William late in life and in those days a late
child was often looked on as companion for old age. William had been
educated at home until he was eleven and his mother adored him.

‘I hope you know what you are
taking on.’ she said but I took this to be her sense of
humour. Conversation was difficult as she was very deaf and usually
kept her hearing aid switched off. Sadly
William’s father who had been an officer in WW1 was now virtually bed-ridden
with heart problems so would be unable to attend the wedding. We planned to
have it in late July – it was now January.“William I think you should come home
with me on my next day off – then you can ask Dad for my hand.”William agreed it would be a good idea.

One night William came to
meet me on his motor bike and he was wearing an old rubber
mackintosh. He had lost the belt and tied some rope around the
waist. I determined no way was he going to show up at home looking
like that, so we had a serious talk about his sartorial appearance. I was going
to take as much trouble with his appearance on the big day as with my own.On my day off we met in Manchester and instead of going to the bus
station went to a stop on the edge of town. It was not a very
salubrious part of Manchester
and my heart sank when the bus came and the conductor said it was full.

“‘Oh please let us
on. I’m a nurse – it’s my day off and I’m going home.” His
face softened and he extended his arm to help me up.

“And I hope your rabbits die!” came William’s
voice from behind.
“Right! Off!’ The conductor’s face hardened and he almost shoved me
off the platform.I turned to look at
William – totally unaware of what he had done.
“‘OH WILLIAM!”
During our enforced wait in the sleazy area, I explained to William that if he
had resisted the urge to condemn the bus conductor’s rabbits to an early death,
we would now be on the bus and halfway home. William, in his wrath
had not noticed the conductor’s face soften, nor yet his proffered arm to help
me up. He listened, a little abashed and apologised. I
thought it ironic that his stammer didn’t prevent the snappy crack that would
be better left unsaid.There was a warm welcome and one of
Mum’s special high teas waiting for us and William relished
both. After tea I went into the kitchen with Mum to wash up and let
the men get on with the business of ‘permission to marry.’ Before
we’d even started the cutlery, Dad appeared with a big grin on his face.
“What happened Dad?”
“Well t’lad couldn’t get it out an’ I knew what he wanted to say so I said it
were alright and you could get wed!”

“Thanks Dad.” You’d think they were glad to get rid of me,

“When were you thinking of?”
“July – as soon as I have finished my Finals.”

“Never mind we can manage it” Good
old Mum! Well, she held the purse strings so she should know.

Over the week-end we discussed
the arrangements and William suggested we got married at sea where, as long as
you were three miles out, the captain could marry you.I said I wanted to be married by our
minister. He and his wife had been kind, helpful and supportive
during my teen-age years and when William saw the simple church (alas no more)
he agreed.

It was a shame that Gran
would be in the States, Maddie and family in Africa and William’s brother a
serving officer and his family in Malta.William sent off for an engagement ring
that he had seen in a catalogue.

“Goodness," said Vanessa when
she saw it, “I’ve never seen such a tiny diamond.You can get really good sized zircons for the
same money.”

I forgave her and asked her to be bridesmaid. I
also asked Annie, my old friend from the Convalescent Home. We all
met in Manchester
and as often happens when you introduce your special friends to each other it
didn’t go well. Vanessa had a vision of them wearing striped
creations in yellow and black.

‘We’ll look like bloody big wasps!’ moaned
Annie.

There
was so much to think about and Finals were looming which was giving me
nightmares. William’s poor father had a heart attack and when he was
convalescing his mother wrote how she was pushing his bed out onto the veranda
every day so he could enjoy the spring sunshine. This worried
William and his brother as she was no spring chicken and had
angina. And then a bombshell!William met me one evening looking
desperately worried. He had been called up.
‘Not another bloody war!’ I screeched. Apparently when he left the
Navy he was given the option of signing on as a Reservist. This
meant he would get an income of 1s 1d a day (about 14p but it went much further
then) and as he was going to University he jumped at the chance. Now
however the Korean War had broken out; conflict between the Communist North and
the American occupied Republic
of South Korea. I
couldn’t understand why the British Navy had to be involved.Maybe now history is repeating itself.I wondered if someone was trying to tell me
something.William was insistent that we
should bring the wedding forward – even if it meant we had to get married in a
registry office, he just wanted to be married. He was going off to
war - anything could happen - I had to agree. I went to see Matron
and explained what had happened. She was very sympathetic and said I
could have leave to get married and would then return to take my Finals and
make up the time after the exams. There were a few tears
shed. Most of my close friends had left so the people who didn’t
know me very well, assumed I was pregnant and had to get married. I was so sick of wars.

I was on the brink of a nervous break-down,
what with last minute swotting and trying to arrange a ‘shot gun wedding’.

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About Me

Grand mother but still a girl at heart. Married to MTL(my true love)after a separation of 30 years. Had three careers: trained paediatric nurse, National photographic model and business woman. Now settled in SW and enjoying our five children and ten grandchildren and making the most of what time we have left.
In January 2013 I lost MTL.