THE FORUMS

21 in London.
Been a way for a while.
Just got out of a very long term relationship, world has been split in two.
Time to make a change and start the next chapter of my life.
A lot of soul searching recently.
Always been social, never had many problems with girls.
Been rocked hard recently, need to get myself back in order.

Day 1
Hit up the club. Heavy approach anxiety, haven't done this in a while. Few hellos and few general weak but social chats but nothing really of note. First approach of a girl in about 4 years; friend leading a friend to the toilet. The leader intimidating and broad deflecting male attention from the cute brunette she's dragging. I jump in the middle telling the cutie to ditch her and be friends with me. It's tongue in cheek and i'm shocked at how receptive she is, laughing and giggling. I take the validation and was happy to get the first interation out the way with no negative reaction. Approach another girl who is a friend of a friend, go a bit too logical but am enjoying the conversation and the receptivness, I ask if she has a boyfriend. It's awkward and clangs. She says she does, carry on talking for 10 minutes and eject. Sincerely cool girl.
I hip bump a girl walking from the bathroom, she reacts badly, I completely lack congruence. I try and recalibrate by apologising, saying I just wanted to talk to her, it's so chode and she's eating it up, not in a good way. I follow this up with the equally painful, you're just my type. This whole interaction I was reactive and crumbled under the first bit of bad reaction. Although I did escalate physically and put my arm on her, she mentioned it and I completely failed the shit test. She started talking rubbish about how she shouldn't be my type as she's a and a bad girl, in retrospect this could of been an in to handle this much better but I fell slap bang in the frame. Attempted a massive miscalibrated self amusement, said I enjoyed thai food, robin williams DVD's and romantic nights in. Bad interaction, but she did try to speak to me later in the night and gave me a playful belly tickle as I walked by. Few blowouts and 2 sets I really should have escalated on but bottled it.

Day 2
Chode chode chode. Absolutely bottled it, didn't approach for a full hour. Finally did, Super logical, total interviewer. She wouldn't even grant me the curtesey of blowing me out; and just let me awkwardly continue. Spoke to another girl as her friend started to pull her away.I Didn't even go in direct. I responded with "Hey I'm just trying to be friendly I'm not hitting on you". She completely tooled me, she pinched my cheek in the patronising "awwwh" and laughed in my face, would rather her have told me to "fuck off". Lightly grabbed her shoulders and spun her away from me and gave a playful shove, but damn If I'm feeling the heat from light playful rejections like that I know the bad ones are going to kill my state completely. 2 more blowouts and get super stiffled and in my head.. Then something mental happened. the thing that inspired me to write this journal. Saw a girl who I though was absolutely beautiful, exaclty my type. Eyes locked, I actually managed to keep my nerve and smile, she smiled back. She walks from the other side of the bar and dances right next to me...... can you guess what happens next! don't open. Can not believe it I eject to the bar. How much of a I am destroys my state and I dance near her for 15 minutes without opening. It's painful, I can't believe it. I am in awe at myself. I make a vow never to let this happen again.

Lessons
Positives
I am quite a social guy, I think I am relatively good looking and not socially awkward
I need to remember the above and be more entitled

Negatives
Crumble quickly under pressure
Approach anxiety
Need a thicker skin
FRIENDS WHO I CAN'T DO THIS WITH WITHOUT NEGATIVITY

Anyone in london want to hit this up let me know. I am massively committed to getting this in order

first night, in the club and massively on. started to notice a few things explained in the rsd material. The more an more interactions I was having and cheekier I was being the more I stopped caring. I was getting pretty outreagous, I oppend one set by offering a girl a high five and dropping my hand when she tried. I congruent as fuck and she loved it, pull in, claw escalated. Boyfriend. Shit though, making headway. So comfortable, dance, beast , drink. Managed to get 2 numbers and generally just had a great night. didn't feel like I was outside my comfort zone. Starting to remember how to relate to girl.

thhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeennnn

next night, went out solo and choded hard all night. I couldn't seem to get my self into the mindset of the previous night. I was caught into a negative loop. Lacked congruence, was shakey as fuck as people I was talking too. stiffled and akward. Just went dancing monkey and danced by myself. It was pretty painful.

NOTES
I Set the tone to the night early on, need to hit it hard from the off, if i fall into the mindset of, "I'll dance for a bit then approach" i have a shit night.

Sorry this is such a short write up, bit of work on at the moment. But things are looking good people!

My night out thursday was a bit of a strange one. Probably the biggest
learning experience I've had in all my nights out. I was with quite a
few mates and was drinking alcohol more so than I have in previous
nights. I made an effort to do this sober previously. I was having a
great time pre-club in the bar with friends and was just generally
having a great night. I felt untouchable.

Entered the club, immediately hit a girl with "You!" pull in, BR
tonality "who are you". Very receptive! She
hit me with "you must say that to all the girls"
Cut her off with a make out
forced it for a few seconds
when she pulled away I tried to escalate too hard and didn't recalibrate, it
pissed her off and she left.
Lesson; the second she's uncomfortable put on the breaks a bit, had I got a
bit real there could have had a lot more success.

Hand of god a few girls. Learned a bit of a lesson here, when they grabbed
my hand i tended to pull then in a bit jerkily, it was a bit much. If
a girl rejects the hand of god, need to play it off as a joke, in the sense i'm coming from the frame of it being cheeky. Instead
of taking it as a blow out and walk off

Next set, saw a girl at the bar, cute blonde faily petite, fluff fluff
fluff, pull out the blackberry, "put your number in", she
does when she hands me the phone I kiss her. Lead her away from the
bar and makeout for 10-15 minutes. She is a REALLY good kisser and
i'm getting horny in the club. We part ways, I dance with friends she
texts me. I meet her friends and I am cold as fucking ice, i am so on
it is unreal, she's in love, male friends and all. Her male friends
are so out of my RAS it is unreal.

This is unfamiliar territory to me, so I attempt the pull back to mine and
she insists she has to go back with her friend. I don't push hard
enough and she leaves. We go home, on the way back a boy and a girl
are walking home, male friend with arm around the girl. The girl is
FIT! They are walking very slow, my friend jokingly offers the lad a
piggy back. I am so on at this point i disregard all social norm and
go with it, give the girl a piggy back, fluff, pull her in hard. Male
friend doesn't say a word. My friends are gobsmacked, this is
making her uncomfortable, the attraction is deffo there and if they
hadn't acted like all of this was so far out of reality and standing
there spectator mode, i could of had a much better chance with this
set. She is clearly attracted but has no idea how the hell the situation escalated so quickly.

I am cold, I point in my eyes tell her to ignore them and look at me.
She gives me her number, we have a really weird back and forth
dynamic where we're not sure if we hate each other or want to fuck
each other, pull her in for the makeout she turns away. Can't handle
the whole place in spectator mode, i lose my nerve and eject.

the next day i text both girls and try and pull them back to my hotel, i
get fluff from both. the first wants to reschedule but I am not
interested, I am away from home this weekend so I will not pursue
this, and even though I found this girl attractive now i'm starting
to build momentum I really want to be hitting up girls that I can
really challenge myself with. I feel as getting this first good
result under my belt will help me in the future as I am starting to
internalize the idea that girls want it as much as guys. This night
highlights the fact I need to really get out of my head! the alcohol
dilemma is back though.

Have hit up another RSD member near to me, i need to immerse myself with
people with the death or glory attitude. Instead of the "no girl
ever blows me out because i never approach" wrapped up in ego
chode army.

Had a "prodigy - smack my up" night. Really need to lay off the drink. Woke up after pulling 3 girls (of which i remember), nearly getting in 2 fights, a shit ton of random numbers in my phone and a smashed up face falling over on the way home. this isn't what i'm in this for, i'm in it for good times and positivety. I need to handle this when sober. I'm not going to be able to internalize any of this, and i just feel shit in the morning, both physically and mentally. Really thinking of sacking off the drink for good.

Suppose the positives being, i fucking rolled hard on everyone there, was going for instant make out with as many girls as i could. I really didnt give a fuck, i was pulling girls out of all guy group and pissing people the fuck off. One girl i got with was well my type and I pulled her in about 2 minutes of meeting her.

Negatives... where do i start. Dealing with logistics, remember which numbers in my phone were fit or not and existential angst after waking up hungover with a bust up face.