Tuesday, June 21, 2011

New Job!

I seem to have gone off course. I remembered recently that the reason I was here was for a "Day the Earth Stood Still - Keanuauwuu Reeves Version" style mission. I haven't done that. I have thrown a LOT of trash in the ocean, been someone who spreads violence and negativity, been hugely gluttonous, and ridden a horse. So all of those things are the opposite, except the horse, which is a grey area.

Which reminds me, Maple-leaf and I are getting along fine. We just shared a martini in my new limo and he managed to have a hat-maker, (a haberdasher) make him a top hat that fits a horse. I thought it was too hoity, but when I saw it on him I realized it really does suit him.

And good news, I'm a CEO now of Trampucorp, a world-wide corporation. So I guess that's really the opposite of the "Day the Earth Stood Still - Keeyanuu Reeves Version". But who's to say what's opposite of what? Some philosopher? An oppositologist? This is not a rhetorical question. Please, answer me.

It turns out it really is just hard work and positive thinking. That's all it took to rise to the top. I don't know what's wrong with the rest of you - you 99% most-of people. You're just not trying. I think you like starving.

I figure I can combine the two missions of saving the Earth and increasing profits like this: I just won't really do either one. There are plenty of books to cook. I laid off a lot of people to hire book-cookers. Being a CEO is great.

I have a limo with a hundred pounds of chocolate in there. The chocolate is rancid now, so I had to cover it in gold. That's when I do when something goes bad. I cover it in gold.

Where does the money come from? I don't know! I never really understood it in the first place. Who decides what money means? It's not a rhetorical question. Turns out, the answer is me. When you're in charge of something, you can tell it what to do. And I'm in charge of a lot of money.

But running a company isn't all limousines and glamor. It's really not. A lot of people are skeptical of that statement, but it's not!

Here are some of the other things I do in numbered order:1. Hire people to do things.2. Relax.3. Party.4. Hire someone to clean up the party.5. Relax from all that partying.6. Post-relax party.

Really, I can't inummerate all the things because they go on forever. And then, when you get to the post-relax relaxing... It get's complicated.