Moore quitting the Dogs really shouldn’t surprise too many people; they’re having a fairly ordinary season and he was probably a week away from being sacked anyway. The team’s lack of talent probably has fuck all to do with the way he coaches, and more to do with the fact that Ben “Don’t-kick-it-to-me-don’t-kick-it-to-me FUCK” Barba can’t catch.

Stepping into Kevin Moore’s grave is Jim “Oh Yeah I Remember That Guy” Dymock, a bloke who played about a million years ago with varying degrees of success. He spent his first day at Doggies training playing Get to Know You games, including “Heads down, thumbs up” and “Who Stole the Cookie From the Cookie Jar?” It turns out Jamaal Idris did.

There’s some fairly interesting match-ups in there – Rabbits v Roosters is always a ball-tearer, and it seems like the rivalry between those clubs is building up again nicely, so there should be a good amount of blood shed there. I’ll be surprised if everyone makes it out alive, to be perfectly francis.

This is going to be fucking carnage. This is not a David and Goliath story, this is going to get messy, and there won’t be any underdog come-from-nowhere-to-win-against-the-odds kind of Hollywood bullshit magic from the Mighty Ducks on display at Canberra Stadium this weekend. There’s going to be torture and pain.

Canberra were all kinds of horrible last week against the Sharkies, a crap team in the middle of some good form. Melbourne are a great team in the middle of some great form, which doesn’t bode too well for our heroes in green (no, not the ninja turtles).

The only thing that can save the mighty Green Machine this week is if the Storm go into the game expecting to win, and win comfortably. I don’t see that happening this week though. I’m afraid they’re going to roll over the Raiders like an army made up entirely of tanks, if those tanks were driven by Batman and had flames painted on the sides and pop-up headlights.

Why I don't play rugby league #1: It looks like it takes a lot of effort