Ins and outs of MasterChef class of 2013

It's horrible when your time is cut Shorten by a pair of crusty, dry balls.

But everyone knows that in life, politics and the MasterChef kitchen, if you and your meatballs are missing the "key binding ingredients" you're going to be eliminated.

First it was Julia Gillard and then, an hour later it was Faiza. On Wednesday night both ladies were booted from two of Australia's most revered institutions – Federal Parliament and the MasterChef kitchen, respectively.

After watching Latika Bourke and Co smash their Candy Crush PBs in the corridors of Canberra we finally arrived, albeit 30-minutes late, at the House of Home Cooks.

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On the agenda was: 1. to knife someone and 2. to say "ciao" to Italian Week.

The green team who lost the pizzeria challenge faced elimination in a challenge "with a twist".

"You were the losing team, whether you felt you deserved it or not, you're losers," Gary the Kitchen Whip announced.

After awkwardly acknowledging the red satin covered elephant in the room – the Italian flag made out of food – the eight contestants discovered they had 60-minutes to create an Italian style dish from one of the three colours of the culinary flag.

Taking cues from the ALP, each member of cooking caucus was called forward and told to shut their eyes, stick their hands inside a bag, open their eyes and be happy with their choice. Their choice of either a red, white or green apron, ultimately determined the colour faction they belong to.

While "Regina" George Calombaris, who was as frosty as a Julie Bishop death stare, rolled his eyes for an hour, every other contestant approached the challenge with the political aplomb Australian voters have become accustom to.

Adopting the role of the ousted PM, Emma agreed to hold onto her immunity pin, presumably in case she's called upon to pitch in to knit 1, purl 1 on the cursed kangaroo.

She landed a red apron and made a bold choice to show she's not afraid of a challenge – leadership or otherwise – by creating a dish that featured a 30,567 kilogram slab of rib eye steak. She considered cutting off a bone which was not cooperating and lamented how she wished she kept a closer eye on her project, which was, when severed in two, a bloody mess.

Christina, a member of the green party, took her cues from the notorious WA politician Troy Buswell by spending her time running around slapping people on the derrière with celery and discussing the benefits of removing a prawn's "poo chute". Luckily her pistachio, pea and prawn dish oozed charm instead of digestive waste and won the judges over.

Rishi, like newly instated deputy PM "Albo", just wanted to please the judges and decided to serve up something that would have them eating out of the palm of his hands. Even though, at times, his potato-pasta parcels resembled the aftermath of a nuclear explosion – pan-fried gnocchi was his golden ticket.

Neha was in more pain than Wayne Swan.

The biscuity base for her mushroom, ricotta and bocconcini pizza failed to rise to the challenge.

"It just baffles me that you chose to make pizza again after losing last night's pizza challenge," Matt barked.

"I've done it before and it worked," she replied meekly.

"Rarely are there pizzas that you pick up, take a bite of and put back down and don't want to pick them back up ever again, but this is that pizza," Preston said taking the pizza metaphor to a whole new delicious level.

The faceless men of the night – Noelene, Pip and Jules – did well to avoid the spotlight with sufficiently mediocre efforts until the all powerful Preston channeled his inner KRudd 2.0 and told Bill Shorten Noelene, she was a "contender".

Faiza. Dear Faiza. Her "unorthodox dish" of brittle meatballs and smashed potatoes failed to connect with the judges.

Before she had the chance to say goodbye to her constituents she was bundled into the back of a hire car on her way to the Governor-General's house to commiserate her time in the pressure cooker that is reality television.

Next week we're off to the "wild west".

Where, as Graham Richardson just informed me, the first challenge will see the remaining contestants descend on the Rooty Hill RSL to cook sausages on the super-charged engine of Karl Stefanovic's HSV.

19 comments so far

Purely coincidental but not surprising that whilst our first PM was being ousted that Masterchef was deciding between two non-white females to be eliminated. When are we going to grow up?

Commenter

GH

Location

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 7:56AM

Um, a very long bow there. They were the worst dishes of the night. One of them had to go. I would have picked Neha myself.

Commenter

Jon

Location

Torquay

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 10:10AM

We are going to grow up when people stop making such asinine comments like yours (and a number of others already on this site). It is as if people are looking for sexist / racist remarks in every written word, whether the intent was there or not (as is usually the case). Not a huge fan of the show, and definitely not of the judges, but would place a very heft bet that those two dishes would have been at the bottom no matter who cooked them. This is supposed to be a cooking show, and what they presented was pretty disgraceful.

And if you don't like what I have written - then SUE me (oh, no, that's a female name and therefore must be sexist) Get over it!!!!!

Commenter

Tired of sex/ism

Location

Sydney

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 11:56AM

I doubt we will even grow up given that this article is about drawing conparisons between a contestant on a cooking show and the ousting of the Prime Minister. The "journalist" who wrote this must have really studied hard at university. VACUOUS in the extreme!

Commenter

Mr O

Location

Sydney

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 5:31PM

You CAN'T be serious! Dear God, you can't be. Can any "non white" ever be ousted without someone holding up the racism card? Do you realise you are missing the point of equality: to be treated equally in competions for example and not recieve special treatment. Why point out the background of the competitors...no one else was.

Commenter

Goldenrule

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 7:20PM

GH ru serious ? It's nothing about the colour of their skin. Both those dishes were atrocious. How on earth could you remotely attach racism to those 2 being put up for eviction ? It's people like you who need to 'grow up' and stop inciting racist overtones to innocuous situations.

Commenter

Pm

Date and time

June 28, 2013, 5:14AM

In a time of heightened awareness of sexism, how is the first line of this article any better than the contents of Menugate?

One can only assume that while the handwringing in the media over our treatment of female politicians is PC, male politicians are still as fair game as they always were.

Commenter

duloowa

Location

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 8:30AM

It's "poo chute" Sorry....teachers NEVER really go on holidays.

Commenter

megacakes

Location

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 9:16AM

That's because teachers are always on holiday!

Commenter

luke r

Location

Date and time

June 27, 2013, 12:16PM

If that headline was used by a male journo with a female reference, all hell would break loose. It would have to classify as a sexist remark. Just shows the double standards we havein society.