pregnancy \'rules\'

So pretty much since our relationship started the FI and I are always talking about children.

2 years ago we found out I was pregnant and FI, unable to contain his excitement let it slip we were at the doctors on social media which led to family friends finding out and well.. what a great way for my mother to find out. I very shortly after had a miscarriage.

I was so mad that he had posted it and have decided to put rules in place for next time.

· I do not want ANYONE to know that we are expecting apart from our families.

· I do not want to find out the gender (FI does but I’m sure I can persuade him by the time it comes around) I want him to be the one to announce the sex to me 🙂

· I do not want ANY announcements made until I, myself post it once our child is born or maybe even been home for a week or so.

· I don’t want any visits in hospital other than families.

· I don’t plan on using social media during my pregnancy, it would be nice if FI didn’t to but I don’t think he would last that long 😛

· We have had full names picked out for a long time now but I don’t want to name the baby before I meet him/her.

· I plan for FI and maybe my mother if she wants to, to be in delivery room with me. I hope my mum won’t mind doing some birth photography.

· I plan on surprising my FI by telling him at 12week ultrasound

Also, yes I know how disgusting and cannibal like of me but I’m considering consuming the placenta… No not like a placenta spaghetti or anything but Im very curious on the whole placenta pill thing.

Although I’ve never been pregnant long enough to truly experience it, these are my wishes, most in which I had decided on since I was little. I believe pregnancy is a beautiful and very private experience I wish to only share it with people I love and cherish most. I don’t have many friends but I know as soon as this on social media my profile will be constantly ‘stalked’ and I don’t like the fact it’ll be from people who otherwise ignore me. I know once I’m pregnant I might change my mind but right now this is what my heart is set on.

I want to know if you bees think that I am being fair to my FI And if you had any ‘rules’, wishes or requests when it came to your own pregnancies: )

Wait just to clarify that I’m not misunderstanding…. You are not telling your FI that you are pregnant until you are 12 weeks? And you don’t plan on telling anyone you are expecting the whole time you are pregnant?

I have never been pregnant but I do think some of your rules seem a bit extreme. However, I think that couples need to do what is best for them, and only you and your FI can make those decisions. I think it’s fine to not share on social media, but I do think there comes a point you kind of need to tell coworkers and friends (I mean won’t it be kind if obvious?). Also make sure you are not just dismissing your FI’s preferences and wishes!

Megsky: I have no problem with telling no one the pregnancy except families, but people will notice from 5 or so months anyway.

If you mean not tell FI about the pregnancy until the 12 week ultrasound: no no no. You’re in this together. He should find out the same day as you.

Gender: I agree if you don’t want to find out, he can wait too. You’re the one carrying, you decide.

Agree on the delivery room. Apart from the fact that FI has every right to be there, it’s 100% your choice who else in there. You’ll be the one in labour. Don’t feel obliged to ask anyone else. I had no one else, as did most of my friends.

I think it’s a bit over the top telling family they can’t do birth announcements. Good luck stopping them too 🙂

some of these are understandable, but not telling your fiance until you’re 12 weeks along? what happens if, god forbid, you have another miscarriage? you would never be able to share the joy of your pregnancy with him and i know my husband would be extremely hurt if he found out i was pregnant at the same time as finding out that we lost the baby.

Are you really not planning to tell your FI until you’re 12 weeks along?

What do you mean by not telling anyone? It will become very obvious at some point and people will know 🙂

i get not putting much on social media (I think I posted about my pregnancy like 2 times total – announcing I was pregnant at 18-19 weeks and then announcing my daughters birth) But I don’t think you need to avoid social media totally just don’t talk about the pregnancy!

One of the things I’ve learned so far in this pregnancy is, and this seems pretty obvious, this is my husband’s baby, too. Which means that he gets to tell his friends about it when he sees fit, and I don’t get to make unilateral decisions about things like finding out the gender. I can’t imagine how furious I’d be if he tried to forbid me from discussing our baby on Facebook.

Also, these are all things that you might feel very different about once you’re pregnant. DH and I intended to be Team Green, but when it came time to find out, we both agreed that we didn’t want to wait to find out. I wanted to tell people the gender once we knew, he didn’t – and we talked about it until we came to a decision together.

Parenting, like partnership, is all about compromise. Just because pregnancy is happening in your body doesn’t mean you get to be a dictator for nine months.

I think those are all pretty reasonable except not wanting anyone to know you’re pregnant except family? while you are the pregnant one, it’s still a very big thing for your fiancé to become a dad and e should be able to share and celebrate that excitement with his friends if he wants.

The gender thing you’ll have to figure out a fair way to handle it. I think its unreasonable to say he can’t know because you don’t want to.

hollyberry4:lilchicana:Glasgowbound: Yes we have kind of talked about when to tell him.. its a very difficult thing I doubt I would be able to keep it to myself for that long but partner wants to be sure we are in the safe period (this wasnt his first miscarriage)

I work alone, my superviser happens to be my father 🙂 and i dont go out often enough to bump into people but if some notices then well thats fine but I want it to be our secret for as long as possibal

Megsky: so if there is a miscarriage your partner wants you to deal with it alone and not know about it? That seems awfully selfish!!!!! I think since it would be both your and his baby that he should also know right away. He needs to be there for you the whole time.

Megsky: In all honesty– I think some of these “rules” are over the top.

Not telling your FI until you are 12 wks? Why doesn’t he get to share in the joy? Not to mention- good luck hiding all the various symptoms. It’s noticebale when someone starts vomiting daily, or taking naps.

To ask your husband to stop using social media just because you are pregnant– seems a bit controlling. Also, you-yourself- can USE social media. Without telling the world you are pregnant.

I have plenty of friends- both male and female who have chosen to not obviously announce thier pregnancies on social media (although if you’re familiar with pregnancy and the person, you begin to suspect)….but they were still active on social media.

I totally respect people choosing not to share certain things on social media. I will say- there have been a few who (some, chose to announce pregnancy- some didn’t)– and then suddenly started showing everyone pics. The reactions were interesting to see– it sort of came off as diva-ish, which sort of sounds strange….it was just an observation I made.

You are always entitled to do what you want with your personal life- but you might use these an “tentative” guidelines instead of writtenin stone rules.

Megsky: Who is your emergency contact? If it’s your FI, it can be extremely important he’s aware if you’re pregnant or not. What about all the restrictions about foods along with other things. Does he never cook for you?

It will be hard to keep it secret from your guy till week 12. I’m 14 weeks and my husband would think I was dying or something if he didn’t know I was pregnant. The first trimester can be very hard–if you’re lucky enough to be symptom-free, maybe you can keep it secret, but otherwise it just isn’t fair not to clue him in. Remember it’ll be his baby, too–and there are advantages to letting him know–how can he support you if he doesn’t know?!

i’ve had a miscarriage and i know that the next time i’m pregnant i’m going to be the most nervous pregnant lady you will ever meet. so on one hand i can understand the whole “ignorance is bliss” mentality that your fiance has, but it’s not fair that he doesn’t get to jump on the pregnancy train until it’s “safe” (and really, there’s no such thing as a “safe period” anyway). YOU have to take on your pregnancy from the very beginning- the good, the bad, and the ugly- so he needs to be there to support you whether he likes it or not. i don’t mean to sound like i’m attacking you guys, i just really can’t wrap my head around that idea.

I agree with previous posters. Your fiance should know when you know. Also you can’t control what people say on social media. I would get out in front of other people and let people know at some point.

lilchicana: thats okay I completely get where you guys are coming from. He works 8am – 5pm and I 4pm – 2am so during the weekdays we only really see each other awake for the 10minute drive when I drop him off at work so I would have to tell him on a weekend as I wouldnt do it anyother way then face to face. But it is only just an idea at the moment its something we will take about more when the time comes and how we feel etc.

But with the whole support thing it took us about ten months to talk to each other about it last time. I got depression pretty bad and he just ignored the situation completely.