Tuesday, March 29, 2011

ARE THE MARLINS TRYING TO COVER UP THEIR MERMAIDS?

The other day, a certain Mermaid–we'll call her Mermaid X–posted a picture of herself on Twitter. It was a very, um, appealing picture that I promptly retweeted, along with a comment about her being our new, unofficial mascot. Ha ha, amusing joke, right? Apparently, not so much.

Fast forward a day or so and I get a direct message from Mermaid X, asking me to take my tweet down. Dammit, woman, this is the internet! If you don't want people to see something, don't post it! BUT–and this is a very important "but"–she was really nice about asking. I'm talking "please" and "thank you" and little sideways smiley faces, so I happily obliged. See folks, being a delightful, friendly person will get you everywhere in life. (Well, at least if you're a delightful, friendly person who looks like that.)

Story over. Or is it?

In our brief conversation, Mermaid X said that the reason she requested that the tweet be taken down is that she's a Mermaid, and the stripper comment didn't come off respectful or professional. Makes sense, so I took it down. But, this is where things become interesting.

I also noticed that she deleted her original tweet, as well. Well, she didn't refer to herself as a stripper, so why take her own tweet/image down? Unless, of course, someone in the organization was the one who asked her to do so, prompting her to ask me to take mine down. Of course, I ask her about this and this is the response I get:

"lol no, I took it down honestly when I saw you refer to me as a stripclub or stripper. lol I was like if I look that bad, let me delete it."

Something ain't right here. First off, you know damn well you don't look that bad. If you're a Mermaid, you know you're hot and it doesn't matter much what some idiot with a blog and Twitter account says about you. But, I suppose I can understand. What I found more strange, though, was her original message to me, suggesting that "As a mermaid, need 2 be professional." Is this really her true feelings on being a Mermaid? If it is, I can't imagine she'd also be tweeting words and phrases like "bitches" and "jew sessions". You know, unless those are standard industry terms that us non-dancers just wouldn't know anything about. (I found neither of those phrases offensive by the way, because the context is very important. I'm merely pointing out the inconsistency in her response.)

No, me smells a cover-up. And not the L'Oréal kind.

My guess is that someone higher up didn't appreciate her revealing picture, maybe thought it was a little too risque to be associated with the Florida Marlins, and asked her to take it down. To which, I would say this...

I understand that the Marlins, and baseball in general, tries to appeal to families, and that includes wholesome little boys and little girls, but let's not pretend that the team and league aren't also attempting to sell sex. After all, if the Mermaids were simply for the kids, they'd probably look a lot more like thisAriel and a lot less like something Walt Disney cooked up for his eventual multi-million dollar merger with Bang Bros.

The photo in question wasn't any more revealing than Mermaid X's Twitter profile picture. It wasn't any more revealing than the outfits the organization asks her to wear on a daily basis. In fact, if you're paying a woman to be pleasing to the eyes, then you probably shouldn't be too upset when she posts a picture that shows her to be pleasing to the eyes. It's like paying Mike Stanton to hit 600-foot home runs and getting pissed when he breaks a few windshields in the parking lot.

I'm not going to use Mermaid X's name because she seems like a genuinely nice girl who's just doing what she's asked. There's no real reason to get her personally involved in this. After all, this isn't about her. It's about a hypocritical organization taking issue with a woman using her body to promote herself, while using that same woman's body to promote their organization.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, like all human beings, Mermaid X is simply inconsistent in her beliefs. Or maybe that photo was the exact moment she realized she wanted to try and be more professional and so she took it down on her own. In which case, more power to her. But, I have a hard time believing that was the case. I have a hard time believing that she wasn't asked to take the photo down.

No, this whole thing smells fishy. Like old, rotting Marlin.

The good news, of course, is that the last person I had an even somewhat controversial back and forth with was promoted to the starting third base job. So, you know, if one of the Mermaids lands a starring role in a movie in about a month or so, you can just go ahead and assume it's Mermaid X.

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A little over two years ago, this site was launched, inspired by the great Zoo With Roy. In that time, the amount of support I've received from you internet strangers has been staggering. I don't do this to get famous, and I don't even care if I go to the strip club with GIANCARLOCRUZMICHAELSTANTON anymore. I do this for you. Because I [heart] you. And I think that deep down, you [heart] me, too.