Another adventure in the ranting and rambling that is the inside of my brain

I am uninspired today. I have the urge to write and create and add something to the world, but I can't find a place to start, so I'll just do a brain dump and see if I can produce something coherent.

There's a lot of talk, a lot of ranting and raging and fear and animosity on the issue of gun control. So many are afraid that the government will do something drastic to take away second amendment rights. Others are afraid that so many are irresponsible with their legally owned fire arms and they are ending up in the hands of those that will hurt and kill.

I hate guns. Hate them. I don't understand the gun culture. I don't 'get' those that collect and hoard guns and ammo. And I absolutely don't get the statement "from my cold dead hands". I hate guns. If I ruled the world I would take them all and drop them in the bottom of the ocean. Pile them all up and burn them. Get rid of them all. I hate guns.

But.

But I live in reality. I won't be the leader of the world. And people have guns and will always have guns. I have to accept that the second amendment has been interpreted the way it is and there are millions of guns out there and millions more sold every day. In spite of whatever government rules are made, people will have guns.

And people will continue to be killed by guns.

In spite of my feelings, the world is what it is. What I don't get is the ranting and hyperbole over the issue. Some are so convinced that Obama is going to take away their guns.

They don't live in reality. Even if Obama were to declare that he is introducing legislation to do away with all guns (like Australia did not so long ago), it would never become law. Ever. Why?

Even if there wasn't such a thing as the NRA, there are enough congressmen that live in the real world. Guns aren't going anywhere.

So what can we do?

I'm all for stronger enforcement of background checks. I'm all for ongoing training of teenagers and others to teach them how to handle a gun properly. I think maybe we should even require testing, like we do to get a driver's license, before you can own a gun.

I do not, however, think we should take away guns. I think the current position presented by Joe Biden, to outlaw assault rifles and large ammo clips, is wrong and will not work.

What needs to be addressed is the issue of handguns. 6000+ people died from handgun use, most from gang-related or drug-related activity. We need to put our efforts into giving our young people opportunities to make a life and living inside the law instead of outside it.

First step? Legalize the production and use of marijuana. Make it an industry. Including all the possible uses of the rest of the plants. Produce marijuana cigarettes with filters and packaging and warning labels. That will put an end to the illegal industry and maybe those who have become experts at producing these plants will finally have status and purpose. Will that end drug trafficking and gang activity? No. But it will certainly put a huge dent in it.

Second,. give people dignity. Pay people a wage that gives them a reason to work. Pay people for 40 hours of work in a way that lets them live the other 128 hours of their week without worrying about the rent, the groceries, or the electric bill. Give these young people jobs that pay better than selling meth on the corner.

Lastly, stop marketing fear. I know this won't really happen, but I'm in dreamland here, so here me out. Stop Fox and MSNBC and CNN and all the others from turning every little tiny story into something to panic about. Stop turning the 'big' stories into media circuses. Shut them down. Turn them off. And instead of fear and panic, lets talk about peace and love and the GOOD things in this world. There is more to love in your fellow man than there is to fear. There is more to care about in your neighbor than to fear that they are bad people.

Yes, I'm dreaming, I know none of this will ever happen. But neither will guns go away.

So there's that.

I've been really out of whack lately. My health has been terrible, headaches every day, depression, weakness, fogginess in the head. I'm still having that fogginess, thus the lack in clarity to find something to do or say. I question almost every day why I'm here if my purpose is only to suffer. Why do I have to deal with this? Why has God allowed this to happen? What is wrong with me that this is my life?

The answer? God has not allowed this. There is nothing wrong with me. And there is no why. Life is what it is. There are no cards that have been dealt, where someone has a better hand than mine. There is no favoritism in the universe. Life is.

The question I should be asking is what am I doing to deserve the air in my lungs? What am I doing to bring beauty and peace to the world? Even if I am having a bad day, what am I contributing to the universe that is worth the price of the blood in my veins?

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to quit having my happiness depend on my wife or my children and I need to create my own purpose and happiness.

I need to find my 'vocation'. The thing that I can do to give something to the world. Paid or not.

But what? What can I do? What should I do? I don't know yet. But I'm going to find it. I'm going to start trying, working, stretching, testing, figuring out. Where to start? Maybe right here. Writing. It's somewhere to start anyway.

Everyone needs purpose. When the current recession hit hard and a lot of people went out of work, thousands of people applied for disability because of depression. Some might say many were faking it because they wanted to sponge off the government, but I think most were sincerely depressed, dangerously so. Why? They had lost their purpose. They had lost the meaning in their life. Especially men.

No mater what comes first in a man's life, whether that be religion or marriage or family, above all that is their vocation. The thing the DO that allows them to put religion or marriage or family first. The thing that allows them to give and provide and do things for the people that matter. If you rip that way from a man, he has lost everything.

I have lost that. I need to find it. I've done nothing for a while but wait. Wait to get better, maybe. Wait for my wife to help me, possibly. Wait for my kids to give a crap about anything. For my church to act like I'm important to them. I don't know. But now I don't care anymore. I'm going forward. I'm going to find my own way forward and if anyone else wants to come along, great. But I"m not waiting anymore.