She's no fan of Facebook schmoozing

Friday

Dec 6, 2013 at 7:05 AM

Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. He performs in a band and uses Facebook to "schmooze" on behalf of his band so people will come out and see them play.He claims he is not addicted to Facebook, but I have learned that he goes on the site many times a day. He even goes on Facebook and "likes" pages that have nothing to do with music.When I asked him recently if he's been on Facebook lately, he said, "Not for a few days," and yet I know he's on it every day!I don't like Facebook; I think it creates trouble. How should I handle this? Help!— Upset GirlfriendDear Upset: Facebook doesn't create trouble, people do. So here's some unsolicited feedback for you: You are not your boyfriend's boss. You are not his mommy. You don't even seem to be much of a band fan.And now a question to ponder: Does your boyfriend use a telephone?Telephones are used many times a day. They have been used as "schmooze" tools to promote bands. And, sometimes, telephones get people into trouble.To fully control your boyfriend, you're going to need access to his phone. All calls should be screened.Now I have some advice for him: Seriously, dude. You need to find yourself a new woman. Look for someone who is not threatened by your presence in this century.Dear Amy: My husband and I have known another couple for many years. In fact, the two men own a piece of property together.We have invited them to several get-togethers and we always have a good time with them. When we meet at our shared property, they are always friendly and fun to be with. The problem is that they have never invited us to their home. I know they have parties or other gatherings because they tell us about them.It has been more than nine months since we last invited them to our house for dinner.I recently ran into the wife, and she said she feels bad that they have not had us over. She claims their house is a mess and that's the reason they haven't issued an invitation. Their house seems to be clean enough for their other friends, but not us.We are definitely not clean freaks. We have a dog, for heaven's sake.I am not really angry about this. I'm just curious as to what to think, and wonder why they've made so many lame excuses.What do you think? What should we say to them the next time we meet?— ConfusedDear Confused: You must be easily confused. You have presented something that is quite straightforward and yet claim not to understand it.Your friend has been honest with you. Something about their house (probably its state of cleanliness) is embarrassing, and this is why they have avoided having you over. The kindest thing to do is to take them at their word, not take this personally and not speculate about nefarious motives or lame excuses.As curious as you are about their home, you might even be grateful not to be invited. There are some messes out there that you can't "unsee."If you cannot accept this explanation at face value, then you should simply be honest about how this makes you feel and see how they respond.Dear Amy: I'm responding to the question from "More Anxious Than Ever," who was yelled at because her leashed dog went "potty" on someone's lawn. A dog is not a person. When nature calls, the dog goes. It doesn't think, "I'd better hold it until I get back to my yard."If everyone felt like you, that it's "disrespectful" to let your dog poop in other people's yards, even if the owner immediately picks it up, no one would ever be able to take their dog for a walk. Or else they'd have to operate like owners in New York City and encourage the dog to do its business on the sidewalk, which to me seems worse.— Dog LoverDear Lover: I realize this sort of thing can't always be controlled, and most readers agree with you.— Amy Dickinson is a Tribune Media Service national columnist. Send questions via email to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave. Chicago, IL 60611.