Friday, March 25, 2011

First there were Killer Kiddies, then Killer Parents. You knew monkeys were coming.

Link (1986) - I've always loved that artwork, but it never dawned on me why this movie would be called Link until literally one minute ago. For some reason, I'm less excited about it now.

Primal Rage (1988) - I don't get if this is about a killer monkey or a dude who's turning into a monkey or what, but either way, it looks awesome. And it was made by Italians, so it's probably stupid and bloody.

Shakma (1990) - Instant Replay, the video store of my youth, for some reason had an "18 or Older" sticker on this movie. Pretty sure it's not living up to that shit.

OLD "SCHOOL" SLASHERS

Who doesn't love one of these? In the grand tradition of last October's Slaughter High, we give you the "more" you asked for.

The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982) - An itchy, oily golden-era slasher, newly restored and uncut -- and on blu-ray(!) -- from our good friends at Synapse Films. I just hope they don't mess with that special "shot through a screen door" look.

Graduation Day (1981) - One of those pieces of shit that just fits the program really well.

The Redeemer: Son of Satan (1978) - It's also known as Class Reunion Massacre, which seems like a good sign. I rented it on VHS way back and never watched it and had to pay a late fee, so I'm going in with a grudge.

MIND MELTERS

When Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness scrambled brains and stole hearts last October, we realized that late '80s no-budget nutbars have aged to peak flavor RIGHT NOW.

Don't Panic (1988) - Gonzo Mexican ripoff of Nightmare on Elm Street. The picture is so video-y that it feels like it's exfoliating your eyeballs.

Killing Spree (1987) - No way this shit was ever supposed to get past VHS. Look at the box art. It's like it's sweating.

Splatter Farm (1987) - Jesus. This artwork makes me think of when I was a kid and videos like "Man in the Box" would come on MTV and I'd be like, "Why is this like this? I feel unhappy."

SHITFEST: CREATURE DOUBLE FEATURE

Just be happy there are only two.

Spookies (1986) - If I had painted that cover, I would have been like, "I just slam dunked my goal of achieving something in life. Time to take it easy."

Things (1989) - Watching this makes you thirsty for cheap, metallic-tasting beer. The shame of Canada.

TERRIBLE TWO'S

Part two's that don't get much play. Maybe for good reason.

The Fly II (1989) - Pretty sure this movie is minor Fitzgerald, but it brings it with the makeup effects. That gets you in the door around here.

Fright Night Part II (1988) - Probably not good, right? You can't even get this thing in widescreen unless you trade some dork for it like I did.

Anguish (1987) - I've already watched this and it's good. At the beginning, it says it's hypnotizing you, which seems stupid, but then your eyes start itching and feeling like they're being poked. And I kept thinking I was seeing a bug crawl up the wall. Recommended.

Cthulhu Mansion (1992) - The hate mail for The Unnamable 1 and 2 just dried up, so we're clear for another H.P. Lovecraft joint. This one's from two-time Frights Palme d'Or winner (for Pieces and Slugs) J.P. Simon. Should at least be splattery.

Killer Workout (1987) - Since Frights is always getting requests for "more movies like Death Spa," here's this. Action fans note, it is no-shit from director of Deadlyfuckin Prey.

The Rejuvenator (1988) - Man, doesn't this make you wish you could go to the video store and shit like this would be the new stuff on the Horror rack? We used to have it all. What the hell happened?

Without Warning (1980) - And finally, the return of Greydon Clark, the director of The Uninvited, the only film to ever have an encore screening at Frights. This time, there's no sock puppet cat creature, but there is an alien that looks like a pile of hockey gear.