I am overcome with glee over having received today, on the thirtieth of May the year of 2013, your communique dated May the fourteenth, bearing a postage stamp from the twenty-ninth, and urging me to reply before the twenty-seventh.

Now, I’m somewhat curious as to how I am supposed to reply to a letter at least two days before it was sent, and three days before I received it. I have rummaged through your website for signs of guidance to that effect, but so far come up with nothing helpful. Unfortunately my DeLorean is not currently in working condition as it suffers from an utter and complete existence failure, so I depend entirely on your expertise in this area.

The only alternative would be that the letter spent an anonymous existence for some two weeks at the bottom of a pile of paper, from the moment it was written until it was finally sent, and I just can’t make myself believe this. Things can’t possibly be moving that slowly around your office?