Thursday, November 29, 2012

Look hard. You might see my biceps

Can you see my excitement before the workout?

So I didn't become a half marathon runner in 2012. It wasn't meant to be. As much as I have always looked at running as my go-to exercise, I don't think I am really a true "runner." My body just wasn't made for it. After all of the ankle injuries and tendinitis this spring and summer, I have come to terms with the fact that long-distance may never be my thing. But I am still working out. Oh yes I am. I have tried things I never thought I would. Yoga, which I do not care for. The new age music. The people moaning. And when the instructor starts talking about "energy" and "namaste" I find myself rolling my eyes and wishing I had just hit the treadmill. I've tried Zumba, and with two left feet, felt foolish and frustrated. I have had better luck with "Body Sculpt", 50 minutes of lifting weights and doing squats in front of a mirror while listening to hip-hop and watching Tracy, the Goddess of Fitness.

Oh Tracy. I'll be honest she has a banging body. She has nice biceps, firm triceps, a tight middle and a perky tush. She wears stylish form fitting spandex outfits and a fake flower in her hair. She pounds out "one more" "come on right arm" and "higher" into the microphone and still manages to sing along to the music. She lifts 15 lb weights when I am doing five. She teaches multiple classes a day. She is inspiring.Or perhaps maddening.

I actually don't like her very much. Many of the "old-timers" of the class seem to love her. They bring her gifts from their travels and joke with her. Not me. I have asked her for advise on a couple of occassions, but I am usually greeted with annoyance and a terse answer. "You can't fix your belly. C-sections do major damage, people shouldn't get them." "Your triceps are flabby because you don't use them enough. You have to keep coming to the Y."

Okay, so I didn't expect to become Tracy overnight, in fact, I don't even want to be Tracy. But I want results and I'm working for it. I am at Body Sculpt three times a week, and running at least twice. As a mama of three, I can't do much more than that. So even if Miss. Tracy thinks I should do more, I am putting in what I can, and I think I can almost see a bicep muscle.... just maybe.

Yeah, you can tell Tracy that you had no idea that your C-section was going to ruin your belly and that it was clearly a miscalculated mistake when your baby's heart rate was dropping and the doc wheeled you into emergency surgery. You should have protested vehemently between contractions, in order to save your beautiful belly. Clearly it was a miscalculation on your part to go with the "easy" birth and completely screw yourself physically - since that was your strategy all along.I hate Tracy.

Tell Tracy that you signed up for the c-section/tummy-tuck (you know, like the TV starts do?) and you're PISSED that they forgot to do the second procedure! Then start screaming, "I want my fucking TUMMY TUCK!" over and over again. Watch the bitch squirm.

Have you tried pilates, rather than yoga? I find that experience a lot different...less moaning and new agey music. I can't believe she said that 'women shouldn't get c-sections.' Um, is there much of a choice?

About Me

Mama of THREE CRAZY boys. I am a self-described mac & cheese mama, and I make no apologies. Yes they watch Spongebob,have heard me swear (more than anyone should) and eat frozen pizza from time to time. I love my boys, do the best I can and hope that it is good enough.