What if it never happens?

I'm in a very reflective mood (blame the wet, miserable day!) - When we start out ttc'ing we obviously all believe that we're going to get a bfp. The longer time goes on getting that magical bfp seems to get further and further away.

Does everyone whose been TTC'ing a while still believe that one day it WILL happen and that one day that pregnancy test will have two lines on it?

Has anyone got themselves into the mindset that it won't happen for them yet is still continuing to try 'just in case'?

And do you have the same opinion regarding your chances of conceiving as your partner?

Even when we started I accepted that it might not happen and have never assumed I would get pregnant. I've seen friends go through the heartache of infertility. We've thought and talked about this. While its not what I would chose, and it would be difficult, I can see the alternative life without kids.

I'll be honest and say that I've never 100% believed I'll get a BFP on my own. I've probably believed more that it won't happen naturally. Obviously I desperately *hope* differently and that I'll get the shock of my life one day! I think its a coping mechanism - expect the worse. Still, even with this mindset I don't think I quite believe that I'll end up at fertility stage being told it wouldn't ever happen for us naturally no matter how long we tried. I think I'd be in utter shock if it had to go any further than say Clomid though, again just being honest.

I do believe it can still happen though - plenty of people try to ages and then get lucky one month, so I do cling on to that. I have my days where I'm more hopeful than others. I guess this fits into the 'has anyone got themselves into the mindset that it won't happen' ... I think I'm part way there, but not willing to give up all hope yet. The thought of me being sat at a fertility appointment doesn't overly shock me put it that way.

I don't really discuss it with H in terms of the 'oh god is it going to happen for us' - as I do believe it will, one day, with or without help. He knows if it doesn't happen naturally for us then we will be referred to fertility in the new year, and he knows my cycles may cause issues for it to happen naturally and so on. We are generally a very optimistic couple, so thats how we are with each other. H doesn't think its that much to worry about - people try for years before they get pregnant etc. I'm the more impatient one! :)

I don't believe it will happen for us, not any more. I know it only takes one cycle to get lucky, but when we've had nearly 40 unlucky I really don't have any faith or hope that that day is coming. I was just thinking the other day how now I don't think twice about making plans for a year from now, unlike the first year or 18 months of ttc when I wouldn't plan more than 6 months out "just in case". H and I don't really talk about it any more either, we're just trying to get on with life as we are now I think.

I don't see us as being just us two forever. I see us as being mum and dad and eventually Gran and Grandad. We are already at the final step with IVF and I guess in 2 years time, we will have tried everything available to have our own baby. If we get to that point, and we haven't had a whiff of a BFP, we will look into adoption.

Adoption scares me as it seems a heartbreakingly long process - but when it you're only option I think you become braver.

Weirdly from a young age I've thought having a child wouldn't be easy for me. I had no reason to think that & this is probably the first time I've ever said it. I certainly have never said it in real life to anyone. I want children more than anything. We'll do whatever we need to & if needs be look into adoption. I can't see us not having children.

H always thought it would be easy so he is struggling to come to terms with the thought of it not being simple. I think it's particularly hard when so many of our friends have conceived immediately when medically the conceived wisdom is they wouldn't. We don't begrudge them their children but it does highlight what a lucky dip fertility is.

I guess I'm coming at it from a different angle. I've had the BFPs but sadly they didn't last. We won't get IVF as we can get pregnant but I now don't think we will get one that sticks. Me and H have talked about it just being us two and I will admit I am struggling with the idea.. I also struggle with the idea that if we do get another BFP there will be no happiness and excitement - just worry.

Yeah I actually do think it won't happen but just try anyway, I only really get the odd day or maybe week of the month of being quite sad about the whole thing, on the whole i think I handle it quite well.

Same as GB, sadly. I don't think getting a bfp for me will bring me any peace. Ducky said something once that has stuck with me, that until I hold my baby safely in my as I won't be able to relax. If that never happens, then we would adopt. No question, if they'll have us anyway.

I totally get that getting two lines doesn't mean you'll get a baby. At the moment I'm just focusing on getting two lines (or not getting two lines) - I know that even once they appear that is a whole new battle!

I can honestly say I never ever thought it would happen for us, we were just trying for trying a sake. Everything seemed against us, even the drs and hospital.

The thing is with the 2 lines, I found out this week although it doesn't guarantee you a baby that time, it does bring some comfort in knowing you can get pregnant, whatever means or method it took you to get those lines, if you have done it once you can do it again. You have to take the positive from it xx

I thought from the beginning of us TTC it would be a long journey, I think I even knew that we would need help. As it stands we start IVF in December and it's only in the last few months I've started to believe that we will become parents one day. You have to believe otherwise what's the point.

I have no reason to think this at all but I have always worried I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally, no idea why I think this and I really hope I'm wrong. We are currently on our 3rd cycle ttc and and I still say 'if' we have a baby not 'when' but I agree with Claire that I need to start believing it can happen otherwise what is the point?

Sorry to hear about those of you having difficulties and who have had losses, I really hope you all get positive outcomes very soon. x

I've always worried that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant, even though I have no reason to. I do believe we will have a baby one day though it's just taking longer than I had hoped. If it did never happen I can't see us adopting, I'm not sure why it's just not a route I see us going down, that may change though if the situation changes in the future.

I'm quite surprised that there are people who wouldn't do IVF / adoption. I don't mean that negatively, at all! Just didn't expect it. I understand with adoption, although not my personal preference. I'm not sure I understand why people would be against IVF, other than the emotional side to it. Although I hope it wouldn't come to it, we definitely would adopt. I do not see our life being without children, not one bit. As for fertility treatment, I'd do anything I had to.

I started questioning whether it would ever happen for us, getting 18 months down the line and not a sniff of a BFP. After 3 cycles on clomid failing I'd almost given up hope. Everywhere online stated usually clomid works within 3 cycles. So when on our fourth cycle we got a BFP I couldnt believe it, I was so happy I'd been able to get pregnant. But now thats been taken away from me, I guess I do have sort of a renewed belief that it will happen. I got pregnant once, maybe I can again. So its not like starting from scratch this time but its certainly different.

Even when I got my BFP I didnt think that was it. I was a nervous wreck thinking something would go wrong. God knows what I'll be like if we manage to get pregnant again. But we all know that the ultimate outcome will be worth it and thats why we go through all this and why I know I wont give up trying.

We were 12 months TTC with one loss in between. I was absolutely open to the idea that it might not be possible for us to conceive naturally. I don't think that reflects on a 'well what's the point then?' mindset. For me it was a protective mechanism about being realistic that statistically it just doesn't happen for everyone and that's a sad fact.

Pepperoni we had decided not to got down the IVF route or adoption. I married my H because I want to be with him children or not and we discussed how we would make life happy and fulfilled without children. I wasn't prepared to have children at any cost and was open to making peace with the idea that if it didn't happen naturally then we wouldn't persue other avenues. Everyone is different and I don't have an overwhelming 'need' to have a baby. I am thrilled to bits to now be expecting but having a family has never been my driving force. I know this is different for others hence no one size/perspective/attitude fits all. Your surprise is based on your own world view (an observation not a criticism !) You couldn't see a life without children but that's not true of everyone who is TTC.