Sunday sit-down: Thomas R. Comeau, funeral director

Sunday

May 26, 2013 at 6:00 AMMay 27, 2013 at 6:11 AM

By Jacqueline Reis TELEGRAM & GAZETTE STAFF

Thomas R. Comeau has been to more funerals than your average 31-year-old. His parents, Stephen Comeau of Clinton and Donna Comeau of Haverhill, bought the Philbin Funeral Home in Clinton in 1980, and after Thomas earned his license in California, he returned and took over the business from his father. He also works with his uncle, Kevin Comeau, who runs a funeral home in Haverhill. Thomas lives above the Clinton funeral parlor with his Great Dane and describes his job as “inspiring.”

Why did you decide to do this?

From a young age, I could always remember hearing my dad bring laughter to families downstairs, and I realized how powerful a gift it was.

What do you need education-wise to do this?

I have an associate's degree in mortuary science, and that's the requirement here in Massachusetts ... It's a combination license ... of funeral director and embalmer.

It almost seems like you'd need a degree in psychology.

Sure, psychology is part of our training, and it's called thanatology. It's the study of death and dying.

Do you ever hesitate to tell people what you do for a living?

I never hesitate to tell them, but it is quite a conversation starter, and being a funeral director, we all realize that we're funeral directors 24-7, and oftentimes when we see people in public, that is how they view us. And people often approach us more in our professional capacity than in our personal capacity, so we're always aware of our surroundings and carry ourselves respectfully within our community with that in mind, because reputation is what we build our businesses upon.

What's the hardest part?

The hardest part of our job, I would say, is handling arrangements for friends or relatives or children, but the second part of that is that we're trained and we're most comfortable knowing that no one would be able to provide a better service to our friends or families other than ourselves.

Another difficult part of my profession I feel, is relating the business aspect to what we do ... We'll never let cost, for example, determine what type of services ... a family's going to select, and we all together try to find a way to provide services to a family that they can afford and guide people in their best interest.

What did you make of the controversy in Worcester, where there were protests when a funeral home had the body of Boston Marathon bombing suspect Tamerlan Tsarnaev?

There's a few different aspects of that whole situation. First, as business owners, we are allowed the courtesy of either accepting or denying a family that calls upon us for our services, and the reason that family was in Worcester was because no one in the Boston area would accept their call. I do applaud Peter (Stefan) for carrying out the duty that was requested of him by a family in need, and it's a perfect example of him carrying out what's called one of the corporal works of mercy, and that's showing charity to others by doing what many wouldn't ...

Obviously, we condemn the actions that everybody here is aware of and the tragedy that affected so many people in our backyards, but again, we can't pick who calls us, and it's still within ... (the) moral, ethical and professional standards of our practices to assist a family in need and to do so without judgment ...

Another issue of that whole situation was the cemeteries, and you have to respect their decisions not to accept that call as well ... That's understandable, because you don't want to disturb any other surrounding family graves, and I'm glad the solution had finally taken place.

How do you find balance in your life?

We need to find mental health in our profession, because our work is very demanding, and we work long hours, and we're called upon at unpredictable times ... You need to set time aside for yourself, certainly for your family and friends, and in the midst of a busy schedule, that's what allows us to recharge our batteries. Just simple pleasures, like reading or working in the yard or walking the dog or hiking, playing golf ...

I have a Great Dane that's here ... He's kind of like a grief dog. He comes down, and people take great comfort in seeing him and having him here.

He must be a very mellow dog

Extremely lazy's more like it. He's pretty mellow.

Are you religious?

I am. I'm active in my church, but ... in business we serve all faiths.

Does it ever bother you to be around death all the time?

More so than be a bother, it's an inspiration, I could say, because when we sit down ... with families to make arrangements, we have an extremely unique, intimate perspective into death and dying ... We hear what a person meant to his or her family as a mother or a father or a daughter or a son, and we hear people's life's accomplishments, and their acts of kindness and goodness, and people that are dedicated to their family, their church, community, and these are all aspects that you can't help but take home with you and want to incorporate into your own life, to become better people within our families and within our communities.

We talk about assisting families ... (in which) the couple's been married for 50, 60, 70 years. It's an inspiration to work things out and to know that marriage can be a difficult thing, but it's a beautiful thing ... We handle arrangements for veterans that served in all of our world wars and that have done so much for our freedom ... We just gather such a respect for the people whose arrangements we handle; like I said, it become s an inspiration in our own lives.

What do you think makes a good funeral?

You can't view every funeral as the same ... We're blessed with a staff of the most caring professionals that we could ever hope for, and we're all set with the common goal in mind of bringing comfort to families that we serve.

Have you thought about your own?

I'm a traditional kind of guy. My dad and I, we purchased cemetery property about four years ago, here in Clinton, and yeah, nothing, no frills. We're simple-type people, and our services will be held the traditional way. We'll have calling hours, and a funeral Mass in St. John's and be buried here in town.

Have you ever been approached by people who say look, I really just want a pine box and a very simple something?

All the time. It's pretty frequent that people come in and say they just want the pine box, and their parents just wanted the pine box, and we can provide that pine box, but ... we'll provide whatever you're looking for within your budget and find a way to do so with whatever means are available.

What gets you through the particularly tough days on the job?

My faith is certainly what helps guide me through our job. I have a great desire to help others, and we dedicate ourselves to every family that we serve.

Anything else you want to add?

We've just been blessed with the people who work here with us. We have incredible people from our community. They're just as dedicated as we are, and they all come from service-oriented backgrounds. We have retired teachers and police officers, business owners. We're all in this together.