"And you obviously hadn't heard of the Quantum Law of Negative Event Probabilities at that stage."

"You're just making that up!"

"I could think of three things, RIGHT NOW, which would happen if I said them – within the next three days."

"Alright!"

"Okay. 1. I hope your printer doesn't run out of toner."

"Printers always run out of toner."

"Let me finish! Run out of toner AND STOP. Not just stop waiting for Toner, but stop dead and require an engineer."

"And?"

"2. I hope the wireless network doesn't let people associate but not get to the internet."

"That happened last year!"

"Yes, but I've said it now so it'll happen in the next three days.
3. I hope that the Boss doesn't come through the door and complain about some bloody user who claims we've insulted, assaulted, or pepper-and-salted them."

"Pepper-and-salted?"

"I couldn't think of a third thing. But you get the picture."

"Yes. Well. I..."

"Hmmm?" I challenge

"Well, from all I've heard, I rather thought one of the things was going to be a threat about ... uh.. me.. having an accident."

"Now why would you say that?"

"Well, I mean I've heard the stories."

"No, I mean why would you say that after I've just explained the Quantum Law of Negative Event Probabilities."

"... oh."

"But I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear anything – because if you're not careful you will trigger the Exponential Quantum Law of Negative Event Probabilities."

"The Exponential Law? What's that?"

"That's where my assistant overhears something negative that someone says and makes it so. For 5 quid. He has a very low bar."

"I don't know what that means."

"He will do most bad things for a fiver. It's probably index-linked to the price of a pint at his favourite drinker."

"Where the hell is he buying his beer?"

"That is irrelevant. Where's just trying to keep you on the safe side of the Law - because if I mentioned within his hearing that I hoped that, for instance, you didn't get punched in the face for not backing up your hard drive it would almost certainly occur."

"But you're not going to do that."

"No, because if I did the chances of it occurring within the next three days would be exponentially higher with every day that passed. In fact exponentially higher with every MINUTE that passes."

"I hardly think you can apply that >CLATTER<"

...two minutes later...

"That's 15 quid you owe me," the PFY says, laying half a mutilated toner cartridge and a wireless access point patch lead on the table and rubbing his knuckles.

"Make that 20," he adds moments later as the Boss stalks in to Mission Control. "Did I mention how good that cellphone baby monitor app is?" ®