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Because life doesn't go in a straight line.

Don’t Mean to Disturb

But what I really need is for some of you virtual friends to tell me I’m not crazy. To tell me I’m not insane for thinking I’m fat and worthless. To tell me I’m not looney tunes for second guessing my every move. To tell me that fucking up is an everyday thing. To reassure me that the shape/size/weight I am does not determine my abilities…. although I may not ever believe that.

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3 thoughts on “Don’t Mean to Disturb”

You are amazing. I know I don’t comment, but I always look forward to reading your posts. You have such courage in going after your dreams, and I have great admiration for that. Your body is only part of you; there’s a whole lot more to you.

Have you ever heard I Like Giants by Kimya Dawson? It’s my favorite song to listen to when I’m feeling crappy about my body. It makes me feel uncrazy, which is not a small feat for me.

You most definitely are not crazy, and you’re not alone. If it makes you feel any better, yesterday within an hour of starting work, I managed to break something. Screwups happen. Life goes on, and most of the time nobody else minds. (I couldn’t have written this yesterday, but today is the first day in a couple of weeks I haven’t had any depressive thoughts/urges and I feel like I can cope with life and that screwing up doesn’t mean I’m a failure.)

Hello my lovely! I’m not sure that I can tell you you’re not crazy 🙂 What I can do, however, is remind you that it IS crazy….crazy that we base our worth on our weight…crazy for second-guessing every move we make….crazy for believing that we must be perfect in every way in every moment of every day…

Instead…feeling that way is NORMAL. For us. It’s ok to feel like that, as long as we acknowledge it for what it is…A feeling. Which is both irrational and illogical. We can acknowledge the feeling, without accepting it as truth.

Size, shape and weight definitely DOES NOT determine our abilities or capabilities or our stability! It certainly doesn’t determine our sense of worth…at least not in any other person’s eyes…apparently everyone else (except ourselves) view our worth by how we treat people, how we act, whether or not we have integrity, dignity and grace. And manners. And. The list is exhaustive. Never would our weight feature as something by which they judge us. That’s our “special” prerogative. That is what’s fucked up! Making mistakes in life is normal…if everything went perfectly (what is that anyway?) we’d never learn anything. Love your mess 🙂 It’s hard work…but I’m told it’s worth it…so now, although I’m still learning, I’m telling you 😉

PS…you know all of this is true…you’ve been reminding me for a few days now! Much love gorgeous one! xo.