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Apparently I did not make it clear to you how I felt about not attending the last State Dinner at the White House, because this week I had to YET AGAIN watch Michelle Obama shamelessly wear ANOTHER strapless dress while I sat on the couch in a velour pantsuit eating popcorn when I could have been enjoying tuna tartare and rye crisps and apple strudel. Did I pick up some great tips from the women on Extreme Couponing? Yes, obviously, BUT I would have been preferred to have a chance to get some more mileage out of my mother-of-the-bride dress from Tricia’s wedding. It is back from the dry cleaners and merlot-free (no thanks to you) and now just gathering dust in the closet, along with my hopes and dreams to get the heck out of southwestern Ohio and do something fun once in a while.

Do you know that bitch Helen over at Long & Foster has been telling everyone that the real reason I haven’t been to a State Dinner is because you don’t get a plus one for these invites? The nerve! Rumor has it she is also taking bets on whether I will be joining you when you golf with the President next weekend. Look, I sell MILLION DOLLAR listings, okay? I am a HIGH END real estate agent and I don’t have time to spend all day on the back nine. It’s not like I’m a politician, you know.