Lard is all
Lard is divine
Lard is control
Lard whips and chains our soul

Lard, We carry credit cards
Lard, We live in fear of art

Lard is the OM
Lard is revolution
Lard is the tapeworm
In the bottle of cheap tequila
That comes alive at night
And sneaks up
And bites your nipple

Lard
Lard

Nowadays, most of us need someone
To run our personal life
Someone to see that
The plants are watered,
Someone to make sure the place is clean,
Someone to make sure dinner is waiting,
Someone to call for theatre tickets,
Someone to make up those cheap excuses

What we need is

Lard, The answer
Lard, The dancer
Lard, The ointment
Lard, The dream
Absorb it
Inflame it
Respect it
Molest it
The country right now just wants to be
Soothed, and told it doesn't have to pay or
Sacrifice or learn
No one is over the hill
When the mountain comes to Mohammed

Lard
Lard
Lard

Lard, We love to eat
Lard, We love to pray
Lard, Mold over mind
Lard, Hooray

Every time I take a crap
It's a cosmic experience

Religion and chemicals
Are the key to the future

Next time we have sex
Just pretend I'm Ed Meese

The weasels have it down, man
It's a whole new age

Lard

Which would you prefer
A computer or a gun

The sharks out lived the dinosaurs, you know

Pity the poor trainer
In the stable when the race horse farts

Poison oak really is
The aphrodisiac of the Gods

When people are asleep
We must all become alarm clocks

Hey, man
Life is my college

It's Dental Floss of the mind
Who will babysit the babysitters

Ever hear about that guy in New York whose dick
Fell off in the bath after he shot it full of coke

It's OK to run out of butter in Zambia
Just smear squashed caterpillars on your toast

Waiter, there's a terrorist in my soup
Which came first- Max Headroom or Gerald Ford

Are you a man or are you a mouse
If you love your fun- Die for it

And feel
The Power of Lard
The Power of Lard
The Power of Lard
The Power of Lard