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A big thank you to everyone who attended my readings this week at the Upper West Side Barnes & Noble in NYC and Anderson’s Book Shop in Larchmont, NY. Here are a few pics from the events, both of which were full of awesome people, supportive readers and a couple of random browsers who were just leafing through magazines and wanted somewhere to sit down. (I’d like to think they bought my book on the way out.) If you missed the readings, both locations have autographed copies on hand now that you can buy! So stop in before they’re gone!

To anyone who came to my reading at Book Soup last week only to come away empty-handed because they sold out of copies, you’re in luck. It’s back in stock, so swing by to get your copy and see if I made the in-store bestseller chart!

He Said magazine ran a really nice review of my book, “Mommy Man”, saying, “It’s a real testament to Mahoney that he’s turned his blog into a book so hilarious and endearing that it’s far from exclusive to LGBT people wanting to raise a family. Instead, it’s a heartwarming, unflinchingly funny story of love, ladyparts and adventures in baby raising.”

Mombian reran her review of “Mommy Man” on her own blog, and I’m rerunning it here because it was just about the nicest thing I’ve ever read.

If you haven’t checked out the new Gays With Kids site yet, then here’s a great excuse: a terrific essay from Friend-of-the-Blog David Blacker on how he and his husband became dads. It’s a great story that sheds a lot of light on the process of open adoption.

A lot of people have been telling me they “can’t wait” to read my book. Well, I have some good news. You don’t have to! It’s available all over the US, in hardcover and eBook editions. Buy it on Amazon. See if they have it at your local Barnes & Noble or Books-a-Million. Bug a librarian! And it’s coming to the UK on July 1! I’m hoping to get a review or two that contains the word “Smashing!”

Speaking of reviews, if you have already read the book, I’d love it if you gave it a quick review on Amazon or GoodReads. I’m not saying I obsessively check for new ones or anything, but I do get ridiculously happy when I see one pop up.

Did you hear me on the Maureen Langan show? No? Then go here, now! Maureen is charming, hilarious and a great interviewer. She’s on KGO 810AM, San Francisco’s #1 news/talk station, and I got to talk to her for her Father’s Day show.

I also had a great time with Maggie Linton on her show for SiriusXM Urban View. You can listen to the audio of that right here:

Science of Parenthood published this fun interview with me. It’s a great parenting site. Check it out!

I’ll be Hangin’ with Langan tonight from 10pm-1am on KGO 810am. Maureen Langan is a hilarious comic and talk show host, so it should be a really fun show. If you’re not in the Bay Area, you can listen to the archive on her site later this week.

It’s a big week for readings, New York area friends! I’ll be at the Upper West Side Barnes & Noble in Manhattan on Monday at 7pm, and Anderson’s Book Shop in Larchmont on Thursday at 6:30pm. If these are anything like my LA reading last week, they’re going to be a real blast. There will even be some special guests, including a lady we call Aunt Susie, who you may have heard about. Check my appearances page for more details.

Most of all, Happy Father’s Day to all of you who’ve been barfed on, whined at, told “I hate you!” and who hopefully, at least once in a while, get the hugs and gratitude you deserve.

Big news! Sometime over the weekend, the eBook version of my book “Mommy Man: How I Went From Mild-Mannered Geek to Gay Superdad” magically began appearing on eBook services like Kindle and iBooks. Want to make crazy laughing faces like that goon in the picture above? Download it now! Is it on your favorite service yet? Now’s a great time to check! It’ll be on all of them soon!

I also want to thank everyone who participated in my Chart Twerk 2. It was a big success, with the book again reaching #1 in 3 different Amazon categories, including all of Gay & Lesbian nonfiction. It bested that heavily hyped “Forcing the Spring” book about the gay marriage movement, and it smacked down a bunch of creepy anti-gay screeds, too. As a result, it was featured under “Hot New Releases,” which ensured that people who’ve never heard of me or my blog learned about the book.

It even cracked the top 1,000 overall. That’s pretty impressive considering that I didn’t focus just on Amazon this time. I know people bought the book at Barnes & Noble and other local bookstores, too, and I’m grateful to everyone who took part.

Now you people who prefer to read digitally can get your screen-swiping fingers on my book, too… for under $10 from some vendors! There will be no twerking this time, so don’t delay. Buy it now! (And if you want to check it out first, download the free sample chapters. I’m sure you’ll be back for more!)

To those of you who already bought your copy, thank you again for making this launch so incredible. I’ve heard from many people who’ve already finished the book, and if that’s you, I could use your help spreading the word.

If you have a “Mommy Man” rave bubbling up inside you, share it! Tell your Facebook and Twitter friends. Write a review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and/or GoodReads. I already have seven 5-star reviews on Amazon, but the more opinions there are, the more people will take notice.

And if you can make it to one of my upcoming author events, I’d love to see you there.

Like this:

When you sell a book, there are a thousand little deal points your agent has to hammer out with the publisher. Will it be a hardcover or a paperback? What kind of publicity will they commit to? What will the royalty rates be? The only thing I wanted to know, though, was this:

“Will I be able to find my book in Barnes & Noble?”

That’s what would make it real to me, to go into a bookstore and see my book on the shelf, along with “Eat Pray Love” and “The Ultimate Player’s Guide to Minecraft” and a bunch of other real, published books other people had written.

As I’ve mentioned here a few thousand times, the official release date for “Mommy Man” is this Thursday, May 8, but as I’ve also mentioned, the copies started shipping early. Last night, a friend tipped me off that he had spotted my book at a Barnes & Noble in Manhattan.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?

So today, Drew, the kids and I all headed out to our local B&N to see if they had it, too. Spoiler alert! The picture above probably tells you what happened next. There they were, four copies, facing forward so everyone could see them. If you’re looking for my book at your local store, you’ll want to look in the Family & Childcare section.

… unless, of course, you go to a store that Drew has already been to, in which case he’ll totally embarrass me by having me do this…

If that happens, you may find the book displayed like this instead…

So that was my morning. A dream fulfilled. And a reminder that next time I have a book published, I should shower and shave before heading to Barnes & Noble.

* * * * *

Thanks to everyone who’s been ordering the book and posting reviews and ratings on GoodReads, among other places. If you haven’t purchased your copy yet, remember this Thursday, May 8 is my Amazing Chart Twerk 2. To take part, just buy your copy wherever you prefer to buy books as close to 12pm EST on that day. Leave a comment below if you’d like an email reminder on the day of the event. I’m hoping to make a big impact on the charts with this, just like the last time I did this, so I’d love your help.

And if you see a copy of “Mommy Man” at a bookstore near you, please take a picture and upload it to the Mommy Man Facebook page, even if you haven’t shaved.

Like this:

Have you preordered my book yet? You know, the one that comes out in about three (gulp!) weeks? If so, then you’re awesome, I love you and there’s no need to keep reading this post. Go watch that video of the cute old ladies riding on an airplane for the first time instead. You’ve earned it.

If you haven’t ordered it yet, though, I have one word for you…

DON’T!

Yes, I’m a crazy lunatic whose first ever book, which he’s so excited about and so proud of, is coming out in three weeks, who’s asking his blog readers NOT to buy it. Why?

Because it’s time for my Amazing Chart Twerk 2!

If you’ve been reading this blog a while, you may remember my first Chart Twerk, where I asked everyone who was planning to preorder my book to do so at roughly the same time in order to make a big splash in the Amazon rankings. At the risk of sounding like a Trump-ish self-promoter, it was a huge success. The book got to #1 in its category, #260 overall and it briefly outranked “Eat Pray Love,” though I’ve still yet to interest Julia Roberts in the film rights. The most amazing part of it all was that this was seven months before the book even came out.

Imagine the potential impact when the book is actually available.

Want to take part? Hooray. Here’s what I’m asking you to do…

1. Mark your calendar to buy my book on its official release day, Thursday, May 8, 2014.

2. Live a happy, fulfilling life for the next three weeks.

3. On Thursday, May 8, 2014, BUY MY BOOK!

It’s that simple! Buy the book as close to 12PM EST as you can so we can make the maximum impact.

If you have any plans at all to buy my book, I really hope you’ll take part in this. Don’t just plan to pick up a copy whenever you get around to it or once everyone else has already read it. Help me make a big splash.

You may remember that last time, I asked you to preorder the book on Amazon. That’s because back then, Amazon was the only place that had it available for preorder. On May 8, my book will be available EVERYWHERE, so I’m asking you to buy it wherever you prefer to buy books.

But it on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Soup, IndieBound, Powell’s, Books-A-Million, The Book Depository, that Belgian site a reader tipped me off to or your favorite local brick and mortar store. Buy 1 copy at each of those places if you want to. I don’t mind! Want the direct sales links? Click on this page and check out some of your options.

When the big day arrives, I’ll keep an eye on the major sites to see where the book ranks, and if you notice anything cool yourself, please let me know! If you happen to spot a copy of Mommy Man on the Best Seller table at you local bookstore, tweet me! If your Barnes & Noble hangs up a sign that reads, “Sorry! Sold out of ‘Mommy Man’! Please stop asking!”, Facebook it!

One more thing…

I have some personal appearances coming up over the next couple of months (details here), and those are also great places to buy my book. If you’re in New York, LA, DC or Rochester and you want to buy a copy in person, then feel free not to twerk, but instead mark your calendar for the appearance you can attend. I’d love to see you there!

Like this:

Anyone who preordered my book from Amazon is covered by their preorder price guarantee, which means that you’ll only pay the lowest price posted between now and when the book is released. As of the moment I’m publishing this post, the book has been discounted to $19.60, so no matter what you agreed to pay when you bought it, that’s all you’ll be charged when it ships… unless, of course, the price goes down again, in which case you’ll pay even less!

If you haven’t preordered, you can take advantage of the sale price here (for as long as it lasts).

More good news — the book is now up on Barnes & Noble, IndieBound, Book Depository and Powell’s. More to come, so if it’s not showing up on your favorite bookseller yet, just enter it in their search bar 500 times a day until someone over there takes notice. (I’m guessing that’s how I got on Barnes & Noble.) And for those of you who asked, yes, there will be an eBook, but that may not be available for preorder until closer to the release date. I’ll be adding a separate page here for book ordering when I get a chance.

There’s also a page for it on GoodReads, where Viktor has already marked it as “Want to Read”. Thanks, Viktor!

Finally, I apologize for incredibly lopsided ratio of book pimping to original material that’s been going on here lately, but I’m hoping to have something new up next week.

Like this:

I’ve barely been in New York a week, and already, I’ve made two enormous enemies.

It started at toddler storytime.

A lady with a Barnes & Noble nametag took to the stage and warned us that she was very soft-spoken. It seemed strange to me that they got the one soft-spoken person in all of Yonkers to host an event that hinged on holding the attention of two-year-olds. Her point was that if the kids got bored with her, she wouldn’t be offended if they got up and walked around. OK, thanks for that.

My kids made it through one book, then lost interest during some snooze-inducing Caldecott winner. (It was a bedtime book, so maybe that was the desired effect.) They got up and started to wander.

The children’s section at Barnes & Noble, if you’re not familiar, is full of fun stuff for kids to do, all of which is designed to make them tell their parents, “I want to go to Barnes & Noble!”, after which you’ll walk out with an armful of Dora the Explorer TV tie-ins and maybe a $25 Madeline doll.

Bennett quickly discovered the main attraction – a large wooden train set. A couple of other boys were already there, pushing train cars around the tracks. There were only 4 cars to play with, and each of the boys had 2, so all Bennett could do was stare at them longingly, waiting for a turn.

The kids’ moms were leaning nearby, deeply immersed in their own chat. One of them started to instruct her son to share with my kid, but the other one cut her off and told her not to bother. Seriously, she told her friend not to encourage her child to share.

I was furious. It was so rude. It demanded a comeback. So I took a move right from page 1 of my social playbook… I sheepishly slinked away and herded my kids back to storytime where I could brood.

The other toddlers were now doing the Hokey Pokey, while the quiet lady was softly instructing them from Elmo’s Hokey Pokey book. But while they were putting their left foot in and, subsequently, out, I was silently shaking my rage all about.

Why did I cower to that mean mom? That was a teachable moment if ever I’d been presented with one, and I’d blown it. Instead of showing my kid that I value sharing and sticking up for yourself, I’d let a bully get the best of me. Who did she think she was? If my kid wanted to play with Barnes and Noble’s trains, he had just as much right as her kid.

My kids lingered at storytime for ten minutes or so, but Bennett was itching to get back to the trains. So eventually, I let him go. I couldn’t believe it, but those same two boys and their moms were still hogging the four measly train cars.

Round Two had begun.

One boy was losing interest, and he dropped his trains. Bennett saw his opportunity, so he waddled over to pick them up. But the kid’s mom saw Bennett coming and — yes, this really happened — yanked the trains out of Bennett’s reach.

A grown lady. A little boy. And while she was doing it, she said, “Oh no! I’m not dealing with that!” (As if to imply that she feared her son might melt down if he saw someone else playing with the trains.)

That’s right. I’d moved onto page 2 of my social playbook. I went passive-aggressive on that wench.

Bennett cried louder.

“I know,” I went on. “It’s not nice, but some people don’t share. Not everyone’s nice.” I was about two feet away from the woman at this point, and by now a small crowd had gathered, because this was far more interesting than the regularly scheduled in-store event.

Bennett swung his arm toward the trains and shouted, “MINE!”

I corrected him. “No, it’s not yours. It’s the store’s.”

That’s when the mean mom finally spoke up. “Actually, it’s ours. We brought them from home.”

Um… what?!

“We brought ours and that boy brought his and that boy brought his.”

I looked at the trains. Each boy’s were different, backing up her story. Suddenly, I realized I was the crazy one. My outrage was based on the assumption that the trains were communal property.

“I’m sorry. I thought they were the store’s.”

“No, the store used to have some for the kids to use, but people kept taking them home. Now you have to bring your own.”

Bennett didn’t understand any of this. He was now in a full-on meltdown. I was embarrassed, people were watching. It was not pretty. The mean mom motioned toward a shelf of train cars for sale. “Sometimes we forget ours and we have to buy a new one.”

Yes, that was the answer. I could buy a train and put an end to all of this instantly. It was that simple. Then everyone would be happy — Bennett, the mean mom, Barnes & Noble — until some other kid wanted to play with Bennett’s train and suddenly I was the one thinking, “Screw that kid. We paid for it!”

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t buy into the system. Instead of a train, my kid was getting… an explanation.

Bennett screamed as I rationalized the scenario for him. “You have to bring your own trains. I don’t think that’s a nice policy, but that’s what Barnes & Noble decided.” That’s right. Now I was going passive-aggressive on a faceless corporation. Not that the kid could hear me over his own wailing.

All around me, moms and employees were surely thinking, “Just buy the kid a damn train.” It’s then that I realized this was all part of the store’s plan. When people started stealing their train cars, they didn’t take the tracks away. They didn’t fit the trains with those shoplifting sensors they put in the books. They just used it as a way to sell more train cars.

With a trainless train track, they’d set my kid up to fail. They’d turned their customers against each other. They’d made their children’s section into Thunderdome.

Thus, I penciled in a new #1 and #2 on my enemies list:

1. Barnes

2. Noble

We have some trains at home, but I won’t be packing them up to take to those two anytime soon. And the next storytime we go to will be at the library.

In case you haven’t guessed, page 3 in my social playbook says, “Blog about it.”