How does the caregiver not get stuck supporting the parent financially by themselves? My questions is this...I've been taking care of my mother in my home, for four years now. Her money is just about gone with the exception of social security and a small pension, which definitely won't pay her monthly bills. The only thing she has left, is her house, which I would like to keep as a vacation home. Obviously, I would have to buy out my half from my sibling. But until her death, I will be supporting her financially for her care. I would like to have the money that I am using to support her, be deducted from my half of the house owed to my sibling, when she dies. How do we go about writing that? Does it go in the will? Even if the house wasn't a factor, I shouldn't have to completely support her on my own. Advice please.

9 Answers

HUGE mistake here, beware. Your siblings do not get ANY of your mothers house. They are NOT beneficiaries until your Mother dies! If you want the house, you need to get 3 evaluations on it and buy it outright yourself and put that money into a Trust Account for your Mother. You use that money for her care. When that is gone, you can apply for some help. Be careful, if you are POA you are responsible for mistakes and could owe a lot of money in the end. Every penny is looked at back 5-7 years when you try to get help. You could also sell your mothers home or rent it, good luck

Canbyou eork out a caregiving contract with uour mom so you are simply being paid for your services? This needs to be set up with a lawyer's help so that it is Medicaid compliant, so the funds being transferred to you don't look like "gifts".

The SS and pension don't run out, they continue until she dies. Now if she needs a Nursing Home, she will probably need Medicaid. Not only will Medicaid put a lien on the home, they will look back five years to make sure she did not give anything away. Gifts become penalties and Medicaid wants it all paid back. So if either of you want that house, buy it from HER now, at fair market value, and use the proceeds to pay for her care.

Twingles, your Mom's house is a large asset but I am confused as you said you would need to buy out your sibling half. If you own half and your sibling owns half, then that means your Mom doesn't own the house at all? Please clarify.

If your Mom still owns this house, it would be foolish not to sell it so that you wouldn't be carrying all the finance responsibility for your Mom. No parent would want their child to be paying the bills.

Ok, if there was no house, with your Mom's limited income [depending on how much she gets each month from Social Security and from a pension], your Mom might be able to get food stamps, contact your area Social Services to see what programs Mom could benefit Mom. Curious what monthly bills does your Mom have? Or are those bills connected with her home?

Your mother has a substantial asset. While I understand your attachment to it and the nice idea of keeping it in the family, this house is your mother's, not yours or your sibling's; and it has a monetary value.

The straightforward plan is therefore to sell the house, bank the cash, spend it on your mother's care and then, in good time, as her own funds are depleted, apply for funding according to procedures in your state. If you really don't want to do that, which I can wholly understand, that is a choice you are making and will therefore have to finance somehow. But you can't ring-fence your mother's money - which is what the house equates to - and then baulk at supporting her. Sorry, that's having your cake and eating it.

Could you though, hypothetically, afford to support your mother and buy out your sibling's remaining equity in the house in due course? - do you actually have the money to do that? I dare say that an imaginative attorney or accountant could make arrangements whereby any of your own funds that were spent on your mother's care were treated as a kind of loan to be set against the value of the house and 'repaid' on your mother's passing; but you would need your sibling's agreement to this, at the very least, not to mention your mother's if she is still competent.

Another possibility would perhaps be to let the house to provide your mother with income from rent. You would need to be very clear that any rent would be her income, of course; and this could end up being quite an administrative burden - I wouldn't recommend it unless you're the business-savvy type?

Do you have power of attorney for your mother? Is she in charge of her finances or are you?

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