Monday, June 30, 2008

What Could Be A Nightmare for Oprah...

On the set of Oprah: Stage is set with couches enough to seat the heroines from author, Ginger Simpson’s historical novels. Oprah takes the stage: The applause sign is lit. She raises her hands for silence. “Thank you, thank you, and welcome to our show. Today we’re lucky to have the lovely heroines straight from the pages of author, Ginger Simpson’s, western historicals.”

More applause: “So let’s bring them out in the order that Ginger introduced them to us: Cecile from Prairie Peace, Mariah and Taylor from Sisters in Time, Grace from White Heart, LakotaSpirit and Sarah from Sarah’s Journey. We had planned to have Ellie Fountain join us from Sparta Rose, but there’s been a slight delay in the release date.”

The ladies take the stage, dressed in their long cotton dresses of various prints. The contrast between the hair colors may be a prediction of the differences of opinions about to be shared.Guests are seated.

Oprah: “Welcome, ladies. I’m so glad you could all find time to join us today. I know there’s been a lot of chatter about which book is the best, so I couldn’t think of any better way than to let the heroines help us decide. Cecile, let’s start with you. Ginger featured you in her debut novel. What can tell us about it and why might someone favor it over another?

Cecile: I’m certain Prairie Peace is her favorite because it launched her into the writing world. Why else would she have given me two lovers? I had the best of both worlds, Indian and white.

Taylor: “Wait a minute. That doesn’t make you her favorite. Mariah and I changed eras and inherited each other’s husbands. Seems that we each had two men in our life, too worlds, actually. Nice try, though.”

Mariah: “Of course, I remained faithful to my husband.” She casts a leering look at Taylor.

Taylor: “Oh, get over Mariah. If you weren’t such an old-fashioned prude you would have enjoyed being in the twentieth century.” *Rolls her eyes*

Grace: “Ms. Winfry, I apologize for the rude behavior. There’s no doubt that Prairie Peace and Sisters in Time were wonderful reads, but my role in White Heart, Lakota Spirit was much more daring. I was captured by the Indians, saved by the cavalry, and then discovered I was expecting a baby. I’d love to tell you more, but that would be giving away the ending.”

Oprah: “Goodness, that sounds frightening. What was it like to live with the Indians back in the 1800s?”

Cecile: “She really didn’t know. She starred in the sequel to Prairie Peace and I taught her everything she knows about Indian life.”

Grace: “Not everything.” *frowns*Cecile: “Sorry, Grace. You were very young and naïve. You wouldn’t have lasted three chapters without my help.

Grace: “Well, I never.” *huffs*

Taylor: “Well, evidently you did. You said you got pregnant.”

Mariah: “Taylor, must you always be so crass?”

Oprah: “Ladies, ladies. We haven’t heard anything from Sarah yet. Sarah, won’t you tell us a little about your story?”

Sarah: “Thank you for asking. I refuse to act like these other women. I have a reputation to uphold.”

Taylor: *makes a face* “You’ve got to be kidding. Standards? Go ahead; tell Ms. Winfry how you traveled across country with a half-breed. Shared his blankets, I suppose.”

Sarah: “How dare you. I did no such thing. Sarah's Journey is a story about a woman's struggles and the unfairness of the time.”

Taylor: “Bet you wanted too, didn’t ya?”

Sarah: “That’s none of your business. Just because you have loose morals, that doesn’t mean the rest of us do.”

Mariah: “See, Taylor. I told you your mouth would get you into trouble. Didn’t I beg you to behave? David was right when he said his wife was a pain at times.”

Taylor: “Well, you should have heard what your husband said about you…especially in the bedroom.”

Cecile: “Really, you two shouldn’t even be here. Isn’t Sister’s in Time a time-travel?”

Taylor: “Yes, but with an historical twist, so we’re just as welcome here as you are.”

Grace: “Well, if you were invited, I don’t see why Cassie from Embezzled Love wasn’t."

Mariah: “Oh come now, Grace. That’s a contemporary. It has nothing to do with the historical genre.”

Taylor: “Holy shit, you and I finally agree on something, Mariah.”

Mariah: “Must you always talk like a drunken sailor?”

Taylor: “What do you know about drunken sailors? If you’d said that in the book, the editors would have red-penned it. You know how picky they are about keeping your language and facts pertinent to the era.

Mariah: “You’re right. So, must you always talk like a trailhand? Is that better?”

Taylor: “Fu—”

Oprah: *Waving hands* Well, that about takes up our time for today. Before we cut to commercial, I’d just like to thank you all for taking time to visit with us. To Ellie, if you’re watching, I’ve heard that Tyler Bishop is quite a handsome hunk and that you really give him a run for his money. Hope you can visit with us sometime. Again, Ladies, thank you, and maybe next time we can find out more about your stories and less about your personalities. *smiles*

I wish I could take credit for the originality of the idea, but I stole it from Lisa Logan after reading her interview with her characters during the blogfest. I loved doing it. I could just picture it in my mind.

Thanks, Molly and Carol for the kudos. Getting comments like yours is akin to getting a good review on a book.

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