These safe sleeping guidelines could greatly reduce the chance that your infant will die. But ask yourself: is it not better to let your child taste the wild air of freedom, than to wrap them so tightly in "safety" that they never know the life-affirming thrill of the unknown? Sleep wildly, infants! Live, or die!

Amazing breakthrough of the day: social scientists now say that teens who want to climb the social ladder are the most likely to become bullies. So your mom was right to say that they're really just expressing their own insecurity. And your dad was right to say "punch them."

Did you know that dinosaur footprints have a SECRET? Yes, it's true. "Dr. Peter Falkingham has discovered that dinosaurs only created lasting footprints if the soil conditions were perfect to do so — and entirely depending on the animal's weight. Dubbed the 'Goldilocks Effect' — as all conditions have to be 'just right' for a print to be created — this work could help to bring ancient environments to life, by showing how a great number of animals can walk over an area, but only a few leave behind tracks." Can't see how that is relevant to my life.

Black widow spiders are just like people: when they get around a lot of food, they just eat and eat and get lazy and slothful and wasteful. And kill the worthless dudes who knocked them up.