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Having a pseudo work marriage is tricky. It could really amp up
your motivation (e.g. feel less like a corporate robot) or it
could be hopelessly distracting. Then, there’s the possibility of
creating unnecessary inklings of neglect or mistrust in your
actual partner at home.

Someone who really knows a thing or two about this unusual form
of faux marriage is Jacqueline Olds, professor of psychiatry at
Harvard. Specifically, a workplace spouse is “a person at work
with whom you have a special relationship in which you share
confidences, loyalties, experiences and a degree of honesty and
openness,” Olds told Irene S. Levinein an interview
for The Friendship Blog.

And people seem to form work marriages all the time. About 65
percent of American workers say they’ve had a work spouse at some
point, according to the Captivate Network Office Pulse Work Spouse
Survey.

Before you go handing a homemade card to your pseudo-sweetheart
in the workplace this Valentine’s Day, you might want to think
about whether or not you might be complicating your own life. We
asked several experts to weigh in on the issue and came up with
some compelling pros and cons:

PRO: Satisfying your Humanistic
Desire

We’re wired to connect, says Margaret J. King, Ph.D. and Director
of The Center for Cultural Studies and Analysis. “It’s odd for us
not to.”

In fact, this behavior is as old as the human tendency to form
bonds with those we work alongside.

“At first it was the extended family tribe. More recently, it’s
been those of similar education and interest or professional
bonds, which is why over 70 percent of all marriages are between
coworkers, colleagues or those with work connections through
other people,” King says.

CON: Inciting Jealousy at Home

If your work-spouse understands you inside and out, cares for you
and makes you laugh, here’s the ugly truth: You might be
disallowing space for your actual significant other to satisfy
your needs.

King makes the observation that work-spouses spend far more
waking time together doing interesting things than do real
spouses. “So it’s not surprising that this raises domestic issues
– jealousy and competitive envy are the leading ones,” she says.

So, unless you want to make your partner jealous, remember to
maintain professional boundaries and honesty with everyone
involved.

PRO: Ability to be Yourself at
Work

When Levine of The friendship Blog asked Olds why these
relationships form, Olds explained, first, people start off
feeling that they are grateful to have a good friend at work.
Solid relationships are a major source of workplace happiness, so
you might find yourself inclined to just go with it.

“As the relationship progresses, they may feel like the
work-spouse is the one person at work with whom they can ‘truly
be themselves,’ ” Olds says.

So, if you’re starting to feel relief as a result of a
colleague’s presence — don’t be clueless — you might be entering
work-spouse territory.

CON: Dependency is a Danger Zone

There’s a fine line to walk when we share our emotions with
several people, says Lesli Doares, marriage therapist and coach
and author of Blueprint for a Lasting Marriage.

“By definition, this increases the level of intimacy between two
people and that can open the door to sharing about other issues
than just what’s happening at work.”

She suggests professionals draw a middle ground – recognizing the
natural human tendency to form close bonds at work but “never
okay to use them as an emotional crutch.”

PRO: Potential for Better Collaboration

“It is important to understand the personalities and mindsets of
our coworkers if we are to be effective at working together,”
Doares says. “A workplace functions very much like a family and
the same rules apply.”

Doares notes the importance of knowing your role and that being
effective requires sharing at some level. Of course, each
person has the right to determine how much they’re willing to
participate outside of their comfort zone, she says.

CON: Could be a Huge Distraction

Robby Slaughter, an office productivity and workflow expert and
owner of Slaughter Development Consulting Firm, says “Having a
‘work spouse’ is counterproductive and extremely risky,”
Slaughter says. “Work is about work, not emotional support.”

“Instead of focusing on the task at hand, we are constantly
pulled into meetings, constantly interrupted by people calling
our name over the cubicle wall, and spend much of our time at
work jockeying and responding to political struggles,” Slaughter
argues.

Something’s gotta give!

Slaughter proposes that the best strategy for successful
professionals is to simply focus on the tasks in front of you.
“Avoid making friends or enemies,” he says. “The value of
individual who is pleasant, quiet and gets things done is
absolutely inviolate.”

PRO: Trustworthy Support Systems

There’s at least one industry where a faux marriage among
professionals is actually a long-standing tradition of trust.

In the field of investment banking and hedge funds, it’s common
for senior executives to rely heavily on their administrative
assistants (admins or AA’s), says Roy Cohen, author
of The Wall Street Guide to Survival. “If the AA is
older, they’re sometimes referred to as Mrs. —-, the last name of
their boss.”

Cohen assures that it’s said in jest and the AAs are highly
respected. Especially in this type of high-stress job, a deep
trust is essential: “Senior executives need a support system that
they can trust and who will have their backs,” Cohen says.

CON: Frisky Business could lead to Risky
Business

We sought out one of our go-to workplace legal advisers, Angela
Reddock, who warns that you might have to give your two weeks’
notice if the close relationships between an employee and
supervisor. “This relationship could be subject to claims of
“sexual harassment or hostile work environment,” Reddock says.

Close relationships among coworkers, however, have less severe
legal consequences—except “in the event one co-worker starts to
feel the other is saying or doing things of a sexually suggestive
or discriminatory nature, the coworker may have a claim for
hostile work environment against the employer if the employer
knew of or should have known of the alleged inappropriate
behavior.”

Of course, to each relationship its own — so, we want to hear
from you! Do you think the potential cons outweigh the pros in
having a workplace marriage?