My life in dreams

One of the reasons I joined Facebook a few years ago, was to get re-acquainted with some family members and old friends. I lived in the Dominican Republic for several years prior to moving to The States. I attended an all-girls Catholic school from the first to the tenth grade. It was a nightmare, but there were some innocent and fun childhood memories that I lived in this particular school as well. Some of the people I knew from that school were like sisters to me. I was happy to have found many of them on this social networking site, and I am happy that I am continuing to find many more. I have been enjoying the old pictures, the stories, the memories of old teachers, ghosts in the hallways, the nuns, and the strictness of it all.

I even became friends with one of the school’s bully. Yes! I went there for the sake of moving on. She was a terror and made my high school years there not very pleasant. I was not the nicest person either and had many issues. Like most teenagers, I wanted to be in my bedroom at all times and not be bothered. I had a serious attitude problem, but was quiet and reserved. I pretty much stayed to myself and did my home work everyday. I never did drugs or attended late night parties. For the most part, I was a really good kid!

As I become friends with these ladies again, some I still like, some have not changed, and some are very different people now. It is odd to see them again with mature, experienced eyes. I no longer feel threatened, judged, or even the need to fit in. Hey, lets face it, I can always unfriend or block them if any of them become a nuisance. As I observe more and more the behavior and the lives of some of these ladies, I take a deep breath of relief that I have grown so much as a person and that they have grown as well. I feel like the new me is a better version of myself. Although those memories from the past are delightful and painful at times, I would not want to go back. The truth is I was terrified of most of these people in school. I stayed to myself most of the time for the fear of being judged or put down. They did it either way and I am sure I did my share of damage too. But thanks to those times and those experiences, I corrected my own bad habits and have been able to move forward for the better.

Accountability. I think that is the lesson I have learned the most from my old friends. Many of the “issues” I had were created by me and I take full responsibility for them. I am glad to say, again, that I am a better person and I am not afraid to confront my own demons head on. I just wish some of these ladies would get to know the me of TODAY. I mean I do enjoy the old stories and the embarrassing moments I had, or even recollections of my attitude problems. But, I am not that 15-year-old girl anymore. Many of my past behaviors were due to situations that were not in my control, and due to decisions made by those that had control of me. But now I am in control. I am a woman who is turning 31 very soon. I still have no clue what I want in life, but I am a WOMAN.

Nevertheless, It is amusing to read about some of our embarrassing moments and our issues in those days. It is also nice to see that some are doing very well in life, but for the most part I feel equal to them. I do not feel the urge to fit in, or try to compete, or jealous in any way. I don’t feel like I have to pretend that I am better or worse. I am just me. I am still working day-to-day to become better and to have focus, and that is all I need to worry about right now.

So I thank my old friends for the me that I am now, and the experiences that have pushed me to be who I am today. Thank God that part of my life is over!!! 🙂

We hear repetitive things all the time. That does not mean that we grasp them, pay attention to them, or care to notice. Sometimes we need reinforcement. The best answer, is the answer that we already know but fail to admit we know.

On my previous posts, I spoke about having strange dreams. In one of them, my grandfather appeared and informed me that he wanted to move. I am not sure if it was because in the dream I was being burglarized, or the stress of my life at the time, but he did mention that he wanted to move to another state. He showed me a piece of paper. In that piece of paper he had written two states: Iowa and Virginia. Well I had long guessed that my husband’s next duty station would be Virginia, since there are no ships in Iowa, and this dream confirmed it for me. Plus, Iowa was never on the table as an option. Funny….It is strange that many of my dreams are prophecies for me, or are they? Maybe these dreams are just repeating what I already know very deep within my soul.

So, yes we are moving to Virginia. The news came to no surprise. However, it was bittersweet to my ears. The first time we moved to VA, I will admit I was not happy there. I was going through a difficult time with my husband being deployed, planning a wedding for our families, working 12-hour shifts, and driving to NJ every weekend. I was also going through a terrible time at my job at the time and was applying for Grad School. This time, I am still not a fan of where we are going, but I do have friends there that have recently moved to the area where we will be stationed. I also have some old friends I made while living there, so I am very hopeful that I will enjoy residing there a bit more this time. I am not planning a wedding or big event, and I can focus on my school work while my husband is deployed. This should definitely be a plus. I have also matured more and have a better understanding on what it takes to be a military spouse.

On the other hand, I already know that this semester is going to be a nightmare. My semester started yesterday, with one computer programming class and two Bioinformatics classes. They are advance, graduate level classes. They all require tons of reading, home work, midterms, and finals. So, not only will I be stressed out with the level of work, but I will also be hyperventilating while thinking about these tests. I am a terrible test taker!!!!