mother

I am now the mother of a 6 year old! How did this happen? Like really?

On March 22 2012 and 8:22PM my Husband and I welcomed a VERY teeny tiny little boy into the world, after a very hard and difficult labour he finally arrived by Emergency C-section weighing 5lb 15oz.

Due to his small size, lack of body fat, inability to regulate his body temperature and the stress that the induction and labor put him through he was immediately transferred to the NICU (Newborn Intensive Care Unit) where he was put in the incubator to warm him up, insert a feeding tube (as he was very unmotivated to do anything, he didn’t even cry)

Fast forward 6 years and he is a very tall, very solid, energetic boy with a thirst for knowledge! Over the years he has developed into the kindest, most caring, eager and loving little man while still being reckless and rambunctious.

He can write his own stories, read his own books, play computer games, throw, catch and kick a ball and he is the kindest most loving big brother.

I am beyond proud of the amazing kid he has become and I cannot wait to see what else he achieves!

I have been notorious for comparing myself to other bloggers, social media moguls, celebrities you name it, I’ve compared myself! But i’m working on not doing that anymore, so in the words of the STUNNING Cara Alwill Leyba “If you like something about another woman, TELL Her!!!”

I have followed this babe for at least 5 maybe even 6 years, and she is just stunning inside and out! she is an amazing food blogger and i cannot guarantee you wont drool when you read her socials!!! She started off as a beauty blogger on YouTube and branched out into the food blog universe and boy does she know her niche! She posts the most amazing food-grams, fashion posts and inspiring tidbits! Shes stunningly beautiful and she knows how to have a good time! She is the kind of person that once you have found her, you will want to follow every social and be her best friend just like me!

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie… There’s something about this chick that just makes you feel like her best friend, maybe its the amazing tattoos, the infectious smile or the approachable persona, but honestly, she is EVERYTHING. Jamie is a Professional Make-up Artist and boy is she pure talent. AND, she has just started vlogging!!! 30 minutes of Jamie every week.. AH YES PLEASE! I’m Obsessed, You just need to follow her!

This Mama, is probably the sweetest, most genuine person, Shes never put up a front, shes real and honest in all her posts. I remember i wrote her an email last year (cause we are totally friends and everything 😛 I wish) ANYWAY, I wrote her an email basically explaining how sorry i was for neglecting her socials, that it was out of pure jealousy, lack of self esteem and not feeling like i was good enough to be friends with her let alone just try and talk to her cause she is just way too cool for the likes of me. My oh My! I did not expect her response! Not only was she completely cool about it, but she understood, she reminded me that she is human too and that she valued my strength and honesty, Since then I have been to embarrassed to talk to her still but i am getting there, the best part is that she DOESN’T JUDGE ME for it! This Mama is Stunning, she is a super fashionista with her style as well as her toddler style for Her children Brooklyn and Marlo, she plans and preps her meals (that look amazing) shes a social media influencer and inspires mums all over the world to be the best version of themselves they can be and to not put so much pressure on themselves, while reminding them that she struggles too, its her job to take good photos and post inspiring tidbits but she has her moments too, just like we all do. Jordan is the mom friend we all need ❤

This mama is your classic Kiwi mum with a confident twist, She is cool as a cucumber and real as fuck, shes not afraid to show us that it’s really is okay to say that our kids are really just pissing us off and she doesn’t bend herself or her content to societies norm, she will tell you the great, the fun, the shit and the awful side of parenting and wont take shit from no one. I absolutely LOVE her for this quality, but not only that, she is gorgeous! An MUA by trade, and is so in tune with herself that she can pull off any look, while keeping her kids styled to the nines. I have followed her since she made and sold kids clothing and now she has evolved into this powerhouse blogging mom, she is a breath of fresh air for any mum, and her classic kiwi humor is hilarity!

I can’t mention Cara without adding her to this list! Cara is a Master life coach, Blogger and Best selling author of my favorite book Girl Code. She has single handedly lead a community of thousands of Lady bosses to pursue their dreams of entrepreneurship, self love, empowerment and to straight up just SLAY BABY! She has changed and improved so many lives as well as her own, she is a Queen in Chanel! I love this woman so much and she inspires me every day to pursue my dreams, even if i don’t know what they are yet, girl has still got me chasing them.

Now if i could, i would take each and every one of these beautiful ladies out for a coffee and lead into the night with champagne (or beer eh Rebecca 😂 ) , Thank you ladies for being true to who you are and inspiring me to find my true me, Shes here somewhere and if it wasn’t for your light, id never find her ❤

Almost everyone I see on social media has their preferred style, whether it be glam, punk, grunge, princess, sporty or what, But for my entire life i have never known where I fit in. I have tried many different styles.

I’ve tried the punk sort of emo Look…

15 Years

17 Years

I’ve Had “Try Hard Chic”

Then there was “I’m Trying”

Followed by, “I’m a mum now, I no longer care about me”

Slowly transitioning into “okay I’m having another baby now, get your shit together” -Part of getting my shit together was marrying my Boyfriend of 4 years as we had a second baby on the way and figured it was about time because we had been engaged for 3 years

Then a while later I tried the classic “If i dress sporty then maybe I will want to workout” Style

And within the last year alone I have tackled, Harley Quinn Unique, Fashionista Chic, and Effortless Casual and a bit of Glam Barbie

And after all of that… I still have no idea which trend or style i want to stick with, i love being all glam and pretty but i also LOVE the idea of cos-playing Harley Quinn (ya’ll Know i have an insane obsession) then another part of me loves the sporty look with chokers and hats, leggings and over-sized tops, and a total other side of me also wants to follow the high fashion, designer chic style or the Tatted babe with piercings! I am totally conflicted, can there really be room in my head for every style i have tried? have you suffered from this dilemma or are you totally sure of yourself and queen you rock your look! Help a Babe! How did you find your niche?

Shocker, I have been MIA again! No surprises there eh? I’m not going to make up excuses because there really isn’t one, most people push through an obstacle, i sit and wallow in it.

This past month or so I have been battling with my depression again, nothing too extreme (thank goodness) but enough to listen to the mean girl in my head telling me that i am worthless, that no one cares about what i have to say or the posts and pictures that i put up or even in the real world where no one will care if i join them for coffee because they probably don’t even like me anyway or the hardest one, I don’t want to take my child to school because i don’t want his classmates to tease him for having a fat mom. But I won’t go too much more into it because the things my subconscious tells me are things that you wouldn’t want to hear said to another person. It gets pretty mean up in there.

I have a very unmotivated, lazy and why bother sort of personality that figures nobody cares so why should I, But then there is a pipsqueak little voice deep down that is trying to shout above it and remind me of the dreams I have not only for myself, but for my children too, it wants to tell me to screw what others think and do what I want to do, to push forward because the finish line is so much brighter, i can picture it but i have never seen it and it really is greener over there.

“the grass ain’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it“

So i’m walking in my Nana’s footsteps and i’m and going to channel her green thumb because this isn’t the life i want, not by a long shot, and I have so many goals/dreams and things I want to achieve that I don’t have time to keep wallowing in this pathetic little bubble of self loathing and misery, sure it is going to be difficult, and sure i am bound to fail plenty more times but as long as i keep getting back up, I will succeed!

▼VII ▲VIII

Im sick of coming around to another birthday, easter, christmas and suddenly realising that i have just let my life fly by and I have done nothing with it. I want more for myself, I deserve better, and my kids deserve better!

So yet again this is ANOTHER testimony to myself and my readers that I will grow, change and shrink! there are a few plans in the works and i will post more about them at another time but for now i will sign off with a little quote i learned from a Melissa Ambrosini Book “Mastering you Mean girl”

Today is a normal day, #momlife trip to the supermarket for some essentials, and then i saw her.. A woman I went to Highschool with. This Woman is Stunning, she has the most amazing figure, gorgeous fashion sense, she is a real estate agent so she can afford luxury items and She drives an SUV.

As soon as I saw her, I buckled, I felt like that awkward emo fat girl from school again who felt like I should be losing weight and barely eat to look like her, and get segregated because i’m copying her out of envy.

I Immediately bowed my head hoping she wouldn’t recognise me and then my inner mean girl started talking/yelling in my head “you’re twice the size you were in school, you slob” “haha she has the job, the car, the body and you have nothing” “Kristy, Face it, You’re the BIGGEST Loser ever””You’ll Never be as pretty and successful as her!”

But you Know what, NO! I don’t WANT the Job, I can’t sell to save my life, I want to be a blogger full time. Yeah Okay I’d love a figure like hers but I will work Hard to get a figure that is perfect for me and i will have earned the beautiful slimmer clothing I will be able to wear. Kristy You have 2 amazing children and a Loving Adoring Husband And you have a fantastic life to look forward to.

Moral of the story,

You never know what other people are going through behind the scenes, what they have been through or, what they are going through. We can only see what they want you to see from the outside.

I will have my perfect life and i have a pretty damn amazing one now.

Dont Compare yourself to others, Its a battle you will never win.

Learn to love the person you are and the life you have now, and strive to achieve your dreams.

K x

P.s If you Do Read this I am So proud of the person you are, the hard work you have put in to have the life you have. I hope you achieve all of your life goals and dreams. Hopefully next time I wont be so bitter and embarrassed and I will Say Hello instead of pretending i’m invisible.

p.p.s I have updated this post to more descriptively portray the emotion that went into the encounter. This post was never about her, or her as a person. The simple fact is she inspired the post because of how i regressed to a depressed state when i saw my high school past in front of me, but it was never about her as a person.

Going through my instagram feed the other day as per usual, I double tapped a womans photo of her and her gorgeous new born, it was a side by side of her baby belly and post birth, then i saw it…

“You Don’t Look like you’ve had a baby.”

I had to double take, that was all the comment said and it struck a nerve. I’m assuming it was intended as a compliment but couldn’t they have just said, “You look amazing”

but it has had me thinking, what is a woman who just had a baby supposed to look like? Are we meant to look a hot mess with spastic hair and pure exhaustion? do people expect a disaster when seeing a woman after birth? I mean 9 times out of 10 a woman is going to put her best pic forward on social media but whether we look flawless or exhausted, the last thing we want you to comment on is whether or not we fit the “just gave birth” stereotype!

We are so full of love and appreciation for the gift we have just received that we don’t care how we look. The sudden jolt into Mom mode takes all those cares away.

So i guess my point is… don’t tell someone they don’t look like they just had a baby, tell them congratulations, compliment our gift and if you have to comment on our looks, tell us we look amazing because a compliment never hurts 🙂

A spontaneous call from a friend ended in a super fun adventure at Hamilton Zoo!

Amazing company and smiling laughing children is just what the doctor ordered!

My favourite photo is this one..

Its the first full length photo of me that i love! Thanks to a little help from a Carly Christman YouTube Video I learnt how to pose my voluptuous body in a flattering way, and those two little smiles are just pure perfection and joy.

Their favourite animals were the monkeys, they got so giddy everytime they saw another species of monkey! It was absolutely adorable!

The icing on the cake was a little baby monkey play fighting with what i assumed to be his brothers!

I cannot wait for the next adventure with my babies! and thank you Becky for inviting us to spend the day with you an Estelle ❤️️