Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

How co-habitate successfully until he moves

I have my kids here in school in our neighborhood and I will not snatch them out because of the mess we have created.

He and I don't talk unless it's about the house (bills, food, repairs) and he goes his way, I go mine. He doesn't ask, nor do I what he does when he is away. I don't suspect cheating, but almost wish he would so I'd know he's moved on in some capacity...is that sick?

My question is this? How do we navigate this arrangement peacefully and successfully until he moves? I don't want anymore arguments, the kids have been traumatized enough. I don't want him to confuse my silence with reconciliation or submission. It shouldn't matter but it does a little bit. I would like us to end this on a lighter note because I would love to set that example for my children. I want them to see that because parents, partners, spouses aren't together or the marriage is coming to an end...they can be civil and not act like complete fools. We've done enough of that and at this juncture, I'd like them to see me handle this with grace and dignity.

I am not working right now but I am actively looking.

Any advice...I'd like to hear from both men and women and I am open to answering questions if there is something I didn't touch on in order for you to provide sound advice.

I lived in the same house with my ex for about one month until I found an apartment. It was NOT easy. I actually moved upstairs and we didn't really talk. It was hard to keep my tears to myself. Good luck and try to stay busy as much as you can. I wish you comfort and strength. Hugs

I've done this for a long time. It's hard. The longer we've done this though the more it seems that little things become bigger issues that they should. I'm afraid my kids have come to think this is normal.

((((((((( hugs ))))))))))) I went through the same thing. Once the lawyers got involved it was nasty. The best thing that he did was move out. It wasnt good for our children. We didnt talk at all and it was horrible. Good luck to you.

There will always be the undercurrent of hurt feelings, mistrust, and whatever it is that got you to this point. The children aren't blind, they are aware of what's going on and it bothers them more than I think you know.

Someone needs to move, it's not a healthy environment for anyone involved here, especially the kids. I think the school thing is an excuse you're using to not do anything yourself. The children would be much better off going to a different school and having a happy, healthy environment at home. That being said I think your husband should be the one to move, and I think you should start thinking about forcing the issue. It may be unpleasant in the short term, but I think that would be best for all involved.

I did the same thing for 5+ months, I stayed in one end of the house and she stayed in the other. I was civil, answwered her questions short and to the point. We would pass in the hall and not even speak but that wasn't that unsual. Near the time I moved out ( she really was wanting to reconcile) she got desperate and started making advances...I just couldn't take it and moved out...even though I didn't have much and finances were terrible ..never mind me......it can be done...keep your distance answer only questions regarding the household, be civil and if he can't walk away....good luck......

wow, thats rough. I was lucky my ex moved out almost imediately. Of couse when he did, he stopped paying for stuff so I did loose my house... But am on my own now and much happier....Hope you finds some peace with that really soon...

Hugs to you. I read a few of your entries and find your feelings and situation are similar to mine. So what makes you think he IS going to move? Even tho' he may have said he will no law says he has to. And I've even known spousal abuse to take place and no one had to leave because of hearings and appeals. You say all the right things in your post...just keep on doing what you're doing. Hang in there. Maintain your dignity. FOCUS on the KIDS. Make sure YOU have money of your OWN. This process could/will get expensive. Now, if you can speak civilly to one another, sit across the table and get every detail of seperation and divorce and settlement writtn down and agreed on by yourselves. If it drags on attorneys will get rich while you get poor. Make copies of every scrap of paper that has to do with finances or behavior. These may be needed for court. Get sentimental and valuable things (photos, videos, jewelry, etc.)out of the house just in case he gets vindictive. I won't leave my house either, and I'm going on one year being in the same house waiting for settlement and D to be final. The kids don't say much about our arrangement, but I can tell they are just waiting for the finalilzation so we can all get this over with. Good luck!

I did this too while my stbx was looking for a place to live. I have no advice other than to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep your cool knowing it will end eventually and that you don't want your kids to have memories of any ugliness. It was difficult. (((HUGS))))

Get a book.
We tried to get back toghether for a month last a year ago. It was awfull. I would pray alot for guidence and what the next right thing to do is. And post here alot with your daily troubles.
Matt

Ooops that made no sense.
Pat and I tried to get back together last year.
She had surgery and I thought she might change after the surgery. Long story. She stayed for a month. After a couple of weeks I went out and found her a loft to move into. Living together was tough after we agreed to seperate.
her talking to her boyfriend on the phone with me in the room was pure torcher.

I did this for 2 years. We were fortunate that we did not hate each other. We continued the routine of raising the kids and carrying on. I would call on my way home to see if we needed anything picked up and he did as well. If the kids had things planned or activities to attend, we also worked out our schedules so that one of us could be there. I continued to help with groceries and bills and so did he. There was no expectation of us getting back together and we worked on being friends. It is harder if you go and try to avoid or not talk to each other. That is harder on the kids. The one thing that made it easier was that we never talked about our relationship and what did or did not happen. We kept the topics to other things and this helped us improve our friendship.... It is hard but it can be done.

I have been struggling with this issue for sometime. Pretty much everyone in my house was abused on multiple levels. Thinking about Christmas with my daughters what feels more wrong was the neglect. Every year my mother would ask me what I wanted and every year I said anything but a Barbie doll. Every year I got a Barbie from Santa. I remember telling Santa not to give me a Barbie. What...

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