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VES

It is with a heavy heart I announce that I no longer have any idea where I end and my hero, Timothée Chalamet, begins.

It started so innocently -- I just wanted to dress, look, and behave like everyone’s favorite Oscar-nominated indie god, but I have gone too far. I cannot remember my name, the details of my own life, or any piece of information about who I was before I became a living embodiment of the very soul, personality, and physical being of Mr. Chalamet.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – This past month, VES concentrator Lucy D. Cho ’19 turned in a mayonnaise sculpture as her final project for VES 132R that was deemed absolutely meaningless by every single person who viewed it.

Cho conceived of her magnum opus in a local deli. She explained, “When you say, ‘Yes, I would like mayonnaise on that Black Forest ham footlong’ enough times, you really start to grasp the transgressive possibilities of this gelatinous medium."

CAMBRIDGE—A new course introduced this semester from the Visual and Environmental Studies Department is reportedly raising some eyebrows, as well as other unnamed body parts.

VES 169, “Penetrating the Intersection of Bodily and Visual Media,” aroused major interest during shopping week. The class was completely full on Friday, and has the longest waitlist around, according to sources.

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Next week, faculty and students in the VES department are planning on holding a week-long marathon of the 2001 feature film Shrek, citing the film’s high quality and superiority over every other film of every genre ever made. The move comes as a delightful surprise to those who have seen the movie once before, and especially to those who have already seen it ten times.

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- Over the past few days, the 2016 Lowell Housing Day video filming has turned sour.

“I signed up to be in the video because I thought it would build house spirit,” a tearful Amanda Burnes ‘18 reported. “But the director is horrible. He made us do, like, sixty different takes of me opening the door.”

Cambridge, MA--- Still in the midst of shopping week, Harvard sophomore Tom Stepps has been rejected from three hundred and fifty seven classes in the VES department. “I thought if I applied to a bunch of them and had a decade of hands-on experience and interest in the visual arts, I could get in,” explained Stepps, “but clearly I should have thought more carefully in the interview about which films have inspired me most.”