President Obama and Chinese President Xi Jinping to Bro-cation in Lavish Sunnylands Compound

President Obama and Chinese president Xi Jinping will weekend together in Sunnylands, the modernist southern California compound whose lush grounds and 20,000 square-foot main home have previously hosted at least seven U.S. presidents, Queen Elizabeth II, Margaret Thatcher, Henry Kissinger, and Bill Gates, among many others. During their whirlwind West Coast weekend, which kicks off on Friday, Obama and Xi “will really get to know each other, while exchanging ideas about how best to manage a complex, sometimes combustible relationship between the world’s two biggest economies,” The New York Timesreports.

As anyone who’s ever traveled with a friend or partner knows, there’s nothing quite like that first vacation together to exacerbate long-simmering problems and unearth sublimated anxieties and annoyances. The United States’s financial dependence on China could become an issue that plays out in microcosmic, metaphoric scale. For example, there are but 22 guest rooms at Sunnylands: should the Chinese delegation receive all 22? Maybe Obama could crash on the couch—if Xi’s friends aren’t using it, that is?

Xi himself “will not stay on the estate but at a nearby Hyatt hotel—a reflection of Chinese concerns about eavesdropping,” according to The New York Times. So, does he just like, leave Sunnylands when he’s tired? Or should Obama let Xi know when he’stired? “Translators will be required, since Mr. Xi is not fluent in English.” O.K., so like, does Xi want Obama to bring translators? Obama could easily bring translators—just let him know before he heads out for the airport. “And while Mr. Xi’s wife, Peng Liyuan, is traveling with him, Michelle Obama is not planning to accompany her husband, which will deprive the meeting of a layer of informality.” Oh God, maybe they should reschedule so Obama isn’t the third wheel? No no, he’s fine with it, but he doesn’t want to make Xi and his wife uncomfortable or think that they have to include him at every meal or something. Obama totally understands if they want to have dinner together alone one of the nights—or both nights! Obama has some friends doing comedy writing in L.A. and is happy to go have dinner with one of them if Xi needs privacy. What? Why would Xi need privacy? No, Obama isn’t saying he would! But just in case. No, Obama isn’t trying to not hang out with Xi—not at all. No, no, no.