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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Grumpy Bulldog Does America

This is one post I didn't want to write in advance because I haven't wanted to jinx it. Which is why I also haven't elaborated on my plans to anyone, despite that I've been cooking it up since late May. I keep thinking of Revolutionary Road (the movie, not the book, which I haven't read) where the main characters keep talking about how in X months they'll move to Paris and then everything will be awesome. And you just know they aren't ever going to get to Paris--and they don't.

So with that in mind I haven't mentioned what I'm going to do starting Labor Day weekend, which is that I am going to take an epic road trip. How long it will last and where all I will go are not determined, though I reckon I'll at least attempt to get all the way out west, to like Seattle or somewhere on the Pacific. And then maybe like Forrest Gump since I went all the way there maybe I'll just go all the way back, ad nauseum.

Here's the other thing, I am going to be essentially homeless. Most of my crap is in a Public Storage unit, locked away until I return for it or it ends up on one of those A&E shows; I'd be curious to see how much they'd bid for my collection of gray Pound Puppies. So it's just me, my Focus, and some luggage setting out into the unknown.

This can turn out a few ways:

Road Trip Book/Movie: I meet a lot of quirky people in small towns and eventually fall in love with someone and start a new awesome life.

Horror Movie: I run afoul of bikers, evil hitchhikers, or backwoods mutants and end up being chopped to bits or part of a Human Centipede.

Real Life: I wander around for a bit, get some pictures, and eventually go home to Michigan.

No matter what, I suppose there will be a story to tell. Anyway, instead of regular posting I'll just post some pictures and stuff when I can. Kind of a "Where in the World is Grumpy Bulldog?"

And if some fat bald guy shows up asking to crash on your couch, that's probably me.

My prediction: you will eventually end up as part of a cult, because a hot woman told you about a place in the desert where everyone can be happy and free (and they have comfy beds, decent coffee, and wi-fi). Once there you'll be brainwashed and imprisoned and forced to write the cult's dogma and upload it to Amazon for the rest of your life. MWAHAHAHA

Seriously, though: this is great. You will have the time of you life. Just don't go suddenly getting all happy and joyful on us. That would crush me.