Dr. Owth

An irate patient comes to the registration window.

“I need to find the doctor that treated me last night.”
“What’s the problem?” the registration clerk asked.
“How am I supposed to function when this Dr. Owth only gave me EIGHT Vicodin tablets? I’m already out!”
“Dr. Owth? There’s no Dr. Owth that works here.”
“I got drunk last night and fell down. They brought me here and x-rayed my head. But now my disc in my back is acting up again. Dr. Owth was the one that treated me. Look – here’s the prescription bottle. He needs to give me at least 30 pills, not this EIGHT crap.”
“Do you want to register and see the emergency physician here today?”
“NO! You get me Dr. Owth NOW!”

He pulls out the empty bottle of Vicodin and on the bottom is written “Prescriber: Dr. Auth”

At some hospitals in our area, the name of the doctor writing the prescription isn’t on the prescription pads – just the hospital name. When the pharmacies get the prescriptions, some of them just put “Dr. Auth” – apparently shorthand for “Doctor Authorized” as the person prescribing the medication.

So here was this person who already used up a days’ worth of Vicodin in 12 hours and who was screaming at the registration clerk to find the physician so he could hit him up for more Vicodin.

“Oh, you mean Dr. Auuuuth. He works over at Metro West across town.”
“But … they brought me here.”
“Are you sure? He definitely works across town.”
[angrily stomping out of the ED] “Wait ’till I find THAT motherf***er.”

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This and all posts about patients may be fictional, may be my experiences, may be submitted by readers for publication here, or may be any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. If you would like to have a patient story published on WhiteCoat’s Call Room, please e-mail me.