At a bridal shower today I was chatting with a friend who told me this true story about someone she knows-

A woman was on a first date with a man. As they drove in the car to their destination of a nice restaurant, the conversation was lively and they found they had much in common. They were already enjoying one another’s company very much. Once the car was parked the man got out and began to walk toward the door of the restaurant. He took several steps before he noticed that his date was not next to him. Where was she? He looked around, confused, and then retraced his steps to find her sitting exactly as he had left her- in the car. She was smiling and patiently waiting….for him to come around her side of the car and open the door. “She knew what kind of man I was,” he later told my friend, “and that I had just momentarily forgotten that. From then on, I did not forget again.”

A quality woman will bring out the best in a man. She will hold him to high standards. She will value herself, and she will value you. Look for this type of woman and don’t settle. Look for a girl who will help you be your best. How can you get the girl? Rule number one is REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS.

Here are some niceties that every lady, whether she is 16 or 66, will appreciate:

-You open the door courteously for her.

-You help her with her coat on and off.

-You hold her chair out for her to sit.

-In a restaurant, you ask her what she would like from the menu and offer to order it for her.

-You keep her drink cup filled.

-You ask which movie she would like to see, or which activity she might enjoy. Put some thought into the options. They need not be expensive. If she says she doesn’t care, make a decision and try to see to it that she has a good time.

-When she speaks, you look at her and listen. You do not check your cell phone during the meal, unless you are a doctor and have received an emergency call.

-You treat her the way you would want your wife to be treated by another man. This woman may become your wife, or she may be another’s some day.

– You do not dominate the conversation with self talk. You ask about her interests and ideas, then listen. Watch for clues that might indicate compatibility or incompatibility. How important is her faith, her family, her career to her? However, do not make her feel that she is being ‘interviewed’ or quizzed. Even if she is not right for you, she deserves kindness and respect.

-You do not ask her to compromise her reputation by keeping her out too late. Even if you have the best intentions, you do not allow the two of you to get into predicaments that would necessitate her staying at your house or hers . You guard her reputation. You do not take privileges that are only properly offered and given in marriage. You keep your hands to yourself. You are a gentleman.

-You are kind to her mother and respectful to her father if you meet them.

-Please be traditional and pay for her meal, ticket or other normal date expenses. If you can’t afford this, please don’t ask her out until you can.

-You are on time. You arrive when you say you will and leave when you say you will.

-You do not call last minute to invite her to dinner, movie or another date. You give her plenty of time, at least two days.

-You remember simple courtesies such as ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

-You do not act to impress. You are genuinely yourself around her.

-You do not pry into her private matters or ask intimate questions prematurely. For example, you do not ask, “Who did you vote for in the last election?” “Are you a Democrat or Republican?” “How much did that cost?”, “Are your parents divorced?” or anything that might make her feel uncomfortable or that is none of your business at this early stage of courtship.

-At the end of the evening, you thank her. If the evening was a hit, you can use adjectives like “fun”, “amazing”, “great” as in “Thanks- I had a great time!” If the evening was disappointing- still thank her. “Thanks so much. I enjoyed getting to know you.” or “I appreciate you letting me take you out.”

-You do not care if no other man you know treats women this way. You choose to do so because it is right, not because it is popular. Besides, you will soon find yourself in the enviable position of being appreciated and liked by women for your courtesy and manners. You will probably have your choice of dates.

Keep in mind- If a woman shuns these manners perhaps she is not the woman for you.

Rule number two: DON’T SETTLE

Every woman deserves to be treated with respect, but not every woman will make a good wife. Look for qualities in a woman that will increase the chances for a happy married life. When you go out, even on the most casual of dates, keep in mind the end goal of finding a good spouse. Don’t date someone who you would not at least consider as a spouse.

–Look for a woman who isn’t high maintenance. If you date spoiled, demanding girls, chances are you will marry one. If you marry a spoiled, demanding girl, you will inherit her father’s problems. Spoiled, demanding girls can be very cute, but they increase headaches and can lead to years of heartache and misery. Choose a girl who will ‘go with the flow’ and has an appreciation for things in life. Choose a girl with a positive mental attitude who can be cheerful even in less than ideal situations. Then work hard to be the man she deserves.

–Look for a woman who respects you and will appreciate your provision and protection. A girl who shuns courtesy as in refusing to allow you to open the door or take her coat, will compete with you in other ways later on. Be careful.

–Look for a woman who has high morals. And likewise be a man who embodies high morals. Seek one who embraces her faith, trusts in God and is kind to her fellow man. Look for a girl who respects herself and dresses and speaks modestly. A modest woman can be in the latest style and be well spoken, but she is never gaudy in dress or crass in speech.

Be the kind of man that the kind of woman described above deserves. Manners are classy and courtesy is never out of style. Keep the bar high and that will improve your chances of not just getting the girl, but of getting the right girl. And believe me, there’s a difference.

Theresa Thomas lives in northern Indiana with her husband David and their nine children. She can be reached at TheresaThomasEveryDayCatholic@gmail.com. She is the author (with Patti Maguire Armstrong) of Stories for the Homeschool Heart the About.com winner of the best Catholic book of 2010, available from Bezalel Books.