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The 5th instalment of the Shugs series could potentially have been a let down. Key players missing with a big match unable to take place as a result, the venue having to be changed due to a fire wrecking the usual place, things were conspiring against them a bit. The potential was there for it to not live up to expectations and yet it turned out to be two very different, but equally excellent shows. For me ICW are a company who thrive when the chips are down. Finding solutions to problems and making them work. Sometimes even better than whatever the original plan was. For me, the wrestling show that happened on Night One is one of the most complete shows ICW have produced. Every possible style of wrestling you could call yourself a fan of was on display. Big time rivalries were settled. One off matches dazzled. Imports meshed perfectly with mainstays to make magic. It was just a really good wrestling show. From top to bottom.

Kid Fite vs Ravie Davie (Winner faces James Storm in Night Two)

Big fan of the basis of this rivalry being Fito wanting to establish himself as the king of ICW’s scheme division. Sick and tired of this upstart getting opportunities ahead of him, he decided the best way to establish himself as the king was the old-fashioned way, by slapping someone aboot. He smashed fuck out the young pretender at the last ICW show and cut a vicious promo vowing to steal his big match with James Storm on night two. Davie has a habit of making folk really fuckin annoyed at him eh? They are invariably mean looking cunts who look like they can chew tobacco without pulling that “aw man this is heavy boggin” face anaw. True hard men who can fuckin fight. Davie came out all guns blazing for this one though. Taking out Lou King Sharp and Krieger with a mad double drop kick on the ramp before setting out to take his revenge on someone who literally cut a promo while sitting on his heid at the last show. There was a chair between Fito’s arse and Davie’s heid like, but still. If you respect someone so little that you don’t hesitate to plant the chair you’re about to sit on right on their napper, its bound to make that person a wee bit angry.

Kid Fite started the match strong. Taking advantage of Lou King Sharp and Kriegers distractions to back rake and forearm Davie until he was seeing wee birdies floating above his heid. Davie rallied and hit the blockbuster that everyone remembers so fondly from the time he hit it from the balcony of The Garage. A cracking move, but not as cracking as folk literally crackin each others jaws in a good old forearm war. They wailed on each other for a while, teeth flying all over the shop before Kid Fite hit the brainbuster for a two. A perfect sitout powerbomb didn’t do it either and an increasingly raging Kid Fite wasn’t having it anymore. It was time to drop all pretence that this was ever one on one. After all, Kid Fite wanted to be somewhat fresh for his big match with the big import on Night Two so it was time to wrap this up. In came Lou King Sharp and Krieger to deliver the team handed beatdown Kid Fite needed to get the job done a bit earlier. It was all going to plan….UNTIL IT WISNAE

A revved up figure emerged. A mysterious trackied man. Probably Davie’s cousin Zander but also maybe no Davie’s cousin Zander. With the greatest of respects to Zander, the hooded figure hit a T-bone Suplex so picture perfect that only a handful of folk in Scotland could be responsible for it. One of those people was someone we hadn’t seen for a while. Someone with a bit of history with Kid Fite. Surely……surely no….surely its no fuckin….is it? YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

The scarf came down and the trackie tap was removed to reveal LIAM THOMSON. Back from a long injury lay off. One that could have potentially ended his career but on this evidence it most certainly has not. There he was. Back in an ICW ring chucking folk about with reckless abandon. Kid Fite, Lou King Sharp and Krieger are three of my favourite folk in Scottish wrestling. The fact that the latter two weren’t involved in a match on this weekender was some sort of crime. But I couldnt have been happier to see them get chucked aboot on this occasion. Well Thomson actually didn’t directly hit Kid Fite which im sure was quite deliberate but the suicide dive that followed the t-bone suplex’in goodness on Lou King Sharp and Krieger tells its own story and that story reads “LIAM THOMSON IS BACK. FUCKIN YALDI!”

With Kid Fite’s hauners handled by Liam Thomson and Fito himself left dazed and confused by the whole thing, Davie sneakied in and won the match with a roll up to leave Fito stunned.

Davie gets his big match and his chance at revenge over James Storm on Night Two after a much needed assist from the bad boy. He joined Liam in saluting the crowd before leaving him to soak in the adulation on his own. Considering all the massive things that happened over the course of the two shows, it’s a big compliment to Liam that this was up there with Grado’s return in terms of the noise the crowd produced when it happened. An absolute pleasure to have the bold yin back in action.

Lewis Girvan vs The Sam Barbour Experience

Sam Barbour is good at wrestling. Watched him absolutely kill it at the first GPWA Invitational and have wondered why he isn’t involved in more promotions since then. This was a huge opportunity to impress but he was in there with a guy who carries himself with so much more swagger these days. Lewis Girvan has always been a very good wrestler but its like any self-doubt he carried with him evaporated the minute he aligned himself with The Filthy Generation. Whatever may have been stopping him going to the very top of the card despite scarcely having anything even approaching a bad match and stealing the show at the Hydro 2 years ago against Ricochet (wonder what happened to that guy eh) is most certainly gone now. He’s one of the main men and folk forget when reminiscing about DCT and Stevie going from the main event of Spacebaws to the main event of the big show for the big belt, that one of those main events had a third man and that man was Lewis Girvan. In ICW for a long time he’s been seen as the reliable guy. A guy who always turns in a good match. A good soldier and a fine member of the roster and see now? He seems like a guy who could not give a fuck about those things. Fuck it all. Low blow some cunts, tombstone their brains out with yer best pal, have a right good laugh and be done with it. That’s the kind of attitude that gets ye belts. Beautiful, shiny belts.

It was of course a very good match. Sam looking good early on, only for Lewis to completely sidestep a crossbody attempt as if it never happened. They nailed each other with a bunch of forearms before Barbour took Lewis out to the apron and kicked his chest repeatedly, a bit like that chest beating thing Sheamus used to do a lot, except y’know…..with kicks. Girvan hit that rolling neckbreaker he does where he leaps into the ring from the outside first. Lovely to watch. Top 5 neckbreaker of all time. A tombstone followed, but I particularly enjoyed the setup where he had him set up for a scoprion death drop only to scoop him for the tombstone. SBX came back into it but missed the mark with a moonsault and Girvan produced a mad suplex combo to seal the win (may be calling it that because I’ve no idea what the final suplex was called, it was very suplexy though)

Girvan’s tag partner Aspen Faith had provided commentary for the match and jumped in the ring to enjoy his pal’s victory with him. Girvan offered SBX his hand as a mark of respect. Instead of shaking it, Barbour took it as an invitation to dance, ordered the sound booth to play Reach by S Club 7, and the foes become friends through the power of dance to upbeat 90s pop. Majestically swaying around the ring while Aspen Faith looked on, confused about his role in the whole affair. Except none of that actually happened and The Kings Of Catch of course battered Sam. Apter Burner then a low blow after ANOTHER offer of a handshake that Barbour somehow thought was genuine. They’re scallywags yer Kings Of Catch but they do it well and have a vicious side to accompany their scallyness that makes them very good to watch. Won’t be out of the tag title picture for long, thats for true.

Mikey Whiplash vs Angelico

Match of the weekend for me in a lot of ways. It didn’t have all sorts of crowd pleasing big time “spots” but it had people absolutely lost in it for 10-15 minutes. I certainly was as they opened the match with a series of holds with neither man managing to gain the upper hand. I could type all sorts about this one but really, no words will be able to do it justice so get it watched. Angelico had Whiplash tied in all sorts of knots only for Whiplash to wriggle out of it with a headstand before doing that corner pose that wrestlers do sometimes and shooting Angelico a look that was half “look at me, im pure good at wrestling” and half “lets have sex” I mean honestly, not to weigh a wrestling review down with smut, but Angelico is a good looking man. I say that as a man with a burd and everything. The only thing better looking than his face is his wrestling.

They exchanged near falls before Whiplash bent Angelico’s wrist so much it became several wrists all going in different directions. A wrist medley. Angelico went for his finisher only Whiplash to reverse it. Angelico locked in the reverse figure four he utilises, but Whiplash got free. They leathered each other with forearms, uppercuts, before Whiplash cleaned Angelico out with that clothesline he does when he rebounds off the middle rope. A zombiemaker (death valley driver) followed for a two count, but his attempt to do that same move from the top rope was reversed and Angelico hit The Falling Angel (think a running Razor’s Edge that ends with the opponent being launched heid first at the turnbuckles) to take the win. A brilliant contest and an outstanding showing from Angelico on his debut. Hope to see a lot more of him in ICW.

Whiplash took to the mic afterwards and it seemed like it was over. He slowly untied his boots as he told the crowd maybe it was time for him to move aside. Maybe he just can’t keep up with the young yins anymore. Aivil emerged to pretty much tell him to shut it. She told him to remember who he truly is. The sadistic fucker who tormented Renfrew. The sadistic fucker who took and also dished out unimaginable pain during that run of death matches he had. The sadistic fucker who still has a lot left in the tank. Not only did Aivil’s words make Whiplash put his boots back on, but he also put the mask back on that has become synonymous with Legion and his darker side. Maybe a sign that he’s no longer accepting Mark Dallas’ ban on him doing anything but straight up wrestling matches and we could see that sadistic fucker re-emerge once more. As if he was ever gone.

Joe Hendry vs Chris Renfrew – Glasgow Street Fight

No gonnae lie, I loved this. It reminded me of an Attitude Era (bring it back! amiright?!) hardcore match and that is a huge compliment. As much as Hendry has built his character around hating this type of thing by god he isn’t half good at it. Done it very well with Lionheart to end that feud and this was outstanding entertainment to probably end this particular feud as well. Renfrew came out all guns blazing, chucking a chair at Hendrys face soon after he had made his music free entrance. One less new theme to get used to it might have been but his entrance being without the music that helped launch him to stardom was no accident. He wasn’t here to engage in mental warfare with the tunes. He was here to engage in actual warfare with his fists….perhaps a samurai sword. Who knows. That’s the beauty of the Glasgow Street Fight.

They chucked each other about at the bar, scudding each other with wee metal baking trays before Renfrew chucked Joe through a door that took them outside. They battled all the way along to the wee spar down the road, where Renfrew bought them a tin of monster each, before challenging Hendry to a footrace to The Garage where they completed the match Foley vs Rock style. Empty arena baybeeee. Nah that didn’t happen at all but it COULD have. The possibilities are endless in a Glasgow street fight. They were actually only outside for about 30 seconds before continuing to battle around the outisde. Renfrew setting Joe up on a chair, only for Joe to end up dropping Renfrew with a side slam. They made their way to the merch table and Joe balanced another table against the merch table and after a wee battle for supremacy, he eventually launched Renfrew through said table. Quite painfully.

They eventually made it back to the ring where Renfrew gained the upper hand. Planting Joe with a Death Valley Driver before calling on an old friend for a bit of support. It was none of auld NAK squad, not even new pal Kieran Kelly (yet) but instead it was a pair of scissors. The scissors that have become synonymous with demon Renfrew. The scissors that could end the match and the life of one of the folk in it. Leyton Buzzard was on hand to grab the deadly sheep shearers as Renfrew wielded them towards Joe’s dome. Joe hit the fallaway slam and Leyton decided that made it safe enough for him to jump in and stomp Renfrew out. Their team handed assault was brief as Kieran Kelly did finally emerge to provide some timely back up. Hitting a stunner (its only a stoner if Renfrew hits it I think but I dunno if Kelly can call it that through association, ask yer MP if it bothers ye that much ffs, trying to review the wrestling here) before Buzzard was quickly made to regret his previous intervention as Renfrew hit him with a sitout powerbomb off the top rope to pretty much end his participation in this one and perhaps his participation in being a person who is capable of standing up.

After all the commotion Joe gained the upper hand again, locking in that choke that he vowed could end Renfrews life if he locked it in properly. Renfrew broke the hold and hit a top rope stoner for a two count, but was hit with an extremely uncouth low blow by Hendry. Matches with no rules bring that devil right out of him, and he chased it with two fallaway slams before they both had a wee shot of each other’s finisher. Hendry hitting a stunner that Renfrew immediately leapt up after to hit the freak of nature. It looked like Renfrew had it with the Stoner soon after but Leyton Buzzard rose from the dead to break the pin only to be quickly removed by Renfrew, before being on the sare end of a suicide dive from Kieran Kelly.

Renfrew found himself in deep trouble soon after. Hendry had his ankle lock welded in. Seemed like he was genuinely right on the cusp of twisting Renfrew’s foot clean off his body and using it to beat him to death to win the match if he wasn’t going to tap. Renfrew held on and gave Hendry the middle finger of defiance that was also the last thing Big Damo seen before becoming ICW Champion. Hendry locked it in even tighter and the pain was too much. Renfrew fully passed out and Hendry took the win.

What a transition its been from the guy with the funny custom entrance music to a guy vicious enough to topple folk like Lionheart and Renfrew in hardcore matches. As entertaining as the entrance videos were, the best version of Hendry for me is this vicious bastard. Dead set on eviscerating anyone who dares to cross his path. Renfrew told him he had earned his respect after that war and I’m sure Joe appreciated that, but respect isn’t main events. Respects isn’t titles, the heavyweight and the Zero-G. Respect isn’t some sort of gift (christmas gift). Respect in the grand scheme of things means little to Joe because his goal is to get to the very top and he must feel like now is the time.

This kinda came from nowhere to be one of the highlights of the weekend which is a testament to all involved. Could easily have just went through the motions, kept it in the ring and got pass marks but they didn’t. They put their bodies on the line and went all out and you have to respect the fuck out of that. Guy’s the size of Bram and Sha Samuels going for death-defying dives that Jeff Hardy would baulk at. Blood pouring from Jack Jester’s face from about 30 seconds in. Iestyn daring to pull Martina off Sha Samuels mid grind. They all put their lives on the line in some way, shape or form and it made for a smashing tag title match. For me the best match The Kinky Party have had as champions and even up there with their match with Polo Promotions before they got the titles.

Sha and Iestyn quickly moved their battle to the outside, leaving Jester to pull out the corkscrew with intentions to maim. It was him who ended up maimed however, as he was wearing the auld crimson mask very early on thanks to Bram. Tell ye whit, I defy anyone to look at Bram’s body of work in ICW in the past couple of years and tell me he isn’t a good wrestler. He is as good a villain as independent wrestling has right now. Him and Iestyn have no redeeming features. No cool guy shit that makes folk cheer. They’re just a pair of big bad dudes who smash folk and it works. Jester hit Bram with a baseball slide before Iestyn joined the party with the worlds biggest suicide dive. The Kinky Party hit the Teamstone Paldriver but the pin was broken up. Nae way this was ending yet.

They ended up back outside with Iestyn set up on a table below. Sha decided to go, for the lack of a better term “fuckin mental” and attempt a moonsault from about 30 feet in the air but Bram blocked it, causing Sha to take a heavy fall as he came off the platform he had climbed on a bit awkwardly. Even when this match wasn’t intentionally brutal it was still incredibly sore looking. Bram then climbed on that very same platform and thanks to some help from Martina, Iestyn had ended up putting Jester on the table, for Bram to hit with a glorious Swanton through the table. Definitely killing both of them in the process. What a move.

After taking about 5 seconds to mourn the death of their respective tag partners. Iestyn and Sha decided life goes on and continued the match in the ring. A seemingly burst Sha rallied after avoiding Iestyns spear. Hitting out with some definat jabs and splash in the corner but Bram soon resurfaced. We’ll call him Zombie Bram from this point on since that Swanton killed everyone involved in it. Zombie Bram hit that big spike ddt he does, before Sha took a Bronco Buster from Martina that felt like it lasted a good half hour before Iestyn peeled her off. His tolerance for shenanigans had been exceeded and it was time to win some tag belts. Iestyn hit a powerbomb which Sha brushed off Hulk Hogan style, drawing the energy from the crowd, ready for the next assault. Iestyn hit his finisher after that but Sha still kicked out and they decided, perhaps foolishly, that he was no longer the best bet for the finish. Dragging Jester’s deid body into the ring was probably a smart plan when they thought of it. Its easier to pin a deid guy than an alive one, but what if he was playing possum? What if he had already become a zombie like Bram?

They played a dangerous game and unfortunately for them, they lost. Iestyn took Jester up for the Doomsday Device and as Bram went up top to complete the job, Sha knocked him off the top, and Zombie Jester rolled Iestyn up for The Kinky Party to retain.

Hard hitting chaos from start to finish. If you can watch this and say it wasn’t entertaining then you and I see wrestling quite differently. Big guys doing shit big guys shouldn’t be able to do. Leaving it all out there for your entertainment. Heavy good shit. A highlight of the weekend and another excellent title defence from Sha and Jester. Kinky Party 4 lyf.

BT Gunn vs Walter

A dream match for many and that just shows how highly BT Gunn is thought of in the European scene. Its been a great year or so for him and he’s finally getting some of the wider recognition his work has deserved for a long long time. Walter is arguably the biggest star stoating about the “indies” right now and BT Gunn didn’t look out of place for a second. Matching Walter’s chest melting chops every time…in fact naw, Walter matched BT Gunn’s chest melting chops. BT Gunn is the original chest melter and as good as Walter is at chopping he knew he had met his match as soon as BT landed one. He made that “fuck sake that was sare!” face that many an unsuspecting opponent has made when BT first lands a chop on them. Learning the hard way. The extremely hard way.

The early stages was mostly mind melting striking from both. BT fighting hard to stop his much bigger opponent getting him down and dominating. At times it felt like the a plucky wee scrapper having a pop at the school bully. The big man seemed like he always felt he had it in hand, but its hard to be that confident when you’re getting all sorts of chops, punches to the gut and kicks to the heid flung in your direction. BT left a noticeable hand print on big Watty that will likely be a permanent fixture on his chest from here on out. He recovered from that to catch BT coming off the top, turning him over into a Boston Crab. BT escaped that before he managed to take Walter down with a clothesline off the ropes before series of stiff kicks took the big man into the corner. It seemed that every time BT took the upper hand, the big man floored him with something. He locked in the coquina clutch before turning it in to a German Suplex that took BT Gunn down. For being built like a brick shithouse, Walter is well versed in the submission game and he had BT in trouble with an STF but once again he somehow escaped with all his limbs in tact.

A superkick followed by the Gunnshot gave BT a near fall and it looked like he was heading for the win. He had the big man rattled anyway, only for the Austrian powerhouse to turn the match back in his favour with a thunderous chop followed by a Brainbuster. Following that by once again locking in that coquina clutch only for BT to roll him over for a quick three count. What a win for BT Gunn. Considering the status of Walter and the ability he has it felt monumental. It was something he should have been able to enjoy. Maybe go up the top rope and let the crowd give him the ovation he deserved. Kez Evans had other ideas.

When Kez Evans appeared in the Square Go I ripped the piss out of him a bit in the review. Light heartedly of course. Its aw fun and games. But he’s proved in recent times he’s nae joke. Sick to death of seeing other GPWA trainees get chances and he gets ignored. This character definitely suits him because the frustration he spoke about when he simultaneously cut a promo and booted fuck out of BT Gunn is definitely real. He has at times felt like it wasn’t going to happen for him, so he’s going out and fuckin making it happen. He continued the beat down for a while, also admitting that he was the guy who attacked BT at the last show before disappearing to a chorus of boo’s. Ruining BT’s win over big Walter and getting booed out the building. A good nights work if you’re a bad yin.

Jody Fleisch vs James Storm

This is what I really liked about this show. Matches like this turning out great. A match with no build between two guys who on paper maybe wouldn’t mesh well together, yet they went out and smashed it. Jody Fleisch is seemingly incapable of anything else. Since he appeared at this event last year he has been used regularly by ICW and is yet to produce anything but good shit. This was another cracker. Storm was in nae mood to fuck about with a Texas Death Match looming the following night, but Jody Fleisch wasn’t in the mood to be an afterthought either.

Storm favours a more methodical pace these days but he knew fine well Jody Fleisch goes at full speed and he matched him in that regard early on, before Jody floored him with a pair of dropkicks. They made their way to the bar, Storm seemingly intent on smashing a whole crate of beer bottles over Jody’s napper, but the pheonix dodged his attacked before hitting a beauty of a moonsault off the bar. Is there anything he can’t moonsault off of? I’d like to see him try it on a surfboard or a sinking ship. Something that’s moving anyway. See how far that moonsaulting talent can go. Maybe campaign to get Harry Maguire to a show so Jody can try and hit a moonsault off the top of his gigantic square dome.

Storm proceeded to scud Fleisch with a full pint of cider he commandeered from someone in the front row. Never even asked if he could have it either. A true villain cause its 4 quid a pint in the 02 at the very least. Folk intending to drink in the venue on both days were selling their kidneys and taking out second mortgages to afford it. Back in the ring they battled up top before Storm chucked Jody halfway across the ring. Jody replied with a beautiful hurricanrana off the top, only for storm to hit back with an Alabama slam and a big lariat for a two count. Jody hit a gorgeous Spanish Fly soon after, never actually sure who’s ‘hit’ that move when it happens as it seems to be equally sore on both men but its lovely to watch so it is. Just a couple of veterans from opposite sides of the world, in the middle of Glasgow, having a belter of a match. Wrestling is beautifully odd sometimes.

Fleisch went up for the Shooting Star Press to put this one away, but Storm swerved it before hitting the Last Call then knocking Jody upside the head with a cow bell to make sure of the win.

Storm took to the mic and acknowledged how good Jody is, but highlighting that as good he is, he still got his arse booted. The same would be happening to Ravie Davie, or Davie Ravie, or whatever the hell his name is. Davie didn’t take too kindly to Storm not getting his name right and emerged from the back with a mic of his own, immediately calling him “Stormy James” before vowing to kick the death match off a night early as he stormed the ring for a scrap. James Storm was fit for it though, catching Davie as he came in the ring and laying him out once more before vowing to finish the job the following night.

Kay Lee Ray And The Great Big Ruse

Kay Lee Ray came out to her brand new music have a chat. I quite like The Filthy Generations new theme. Its in the same vein as the previous one and has that menacing feel to it that makes you feel like the person coming out to it is about to batter fuck out some folk, but I’d like to take this opportunity to commemorate the death of the greatest entrance music in ICW history. The auld Filthy Generation theme was so bangin’ I listened to it so much outwith wrestling shows that my burd fuckin hates it. Such a tune that even people who hated Stevie and KLR used to dance to it while holding up the middle fingers. Music patter aside Kay Lee Ray was out to bemoan the lack of a womens match to challenge Viper. Viper emerged and they exchanged words but it was all in the name of the ruse. Out came The Kings Of Catch to attack Viper, as Kay Lee knocked her daft with a belt shot to the head, before the Kings set Viper up for the Apter Burner, leading DCT with Coach Trip in tow to provide husbandly hauners and to prevent his wife going in to her title defence the next night with a concussion.

It was all a big ruse. A play for the upper hand, as Stevie came out and nailed DCT with a low blow as he set Kay Lee up for the spike DDT. He hit the destroyer before standing over DCT triumphantly. Belt in hand. A belt he would put his life on the line to keep in his possesion . They’re dirty bastards. They make a living off it, and Stevie isn’t giving up that title without utilising every trick in the book. Giving his opponent a scheme bootin a night before they main event the biggest show of their lives together is exactly what Stevie is all about. The best in the business at being a bastard. The filthiest player in the game.

Lionheart vs Just Justice Jackie Polo

The term “big fight feel” gets chucked about haphazardly sometimes. For this it fitted what was about to happen perfectly. It deserved the main event and absolutely lived up to that spot. Lionheart needed it. Simple as that. He unravelled because a part of him doubted that he could beat Jackie after Barramania, so he avoided ever wrestling him again instead. Locked that pain away and tanned rapid whiskies instead. A slap from Sha Samuels seemed to kick him back into gear. It made him believe. He wanted the match and signed on the dotted line eventually. Only problem is, Jackie Polo dies not give a fuck about fairytales or what his opponent needs. Deep down underneath that deeply southern exterior he still fuckin hates Lionheart with a burning passion and he definitely wanted to break his spirit once and for all. He wanted to make it 3-0. No coming back. Career in the toilet. Ruined.

They kicked it off head to head. At odds with each other like they have been for what seems like forever. True enemies. Vicious jabs were exchanged, Polo getting the upper the hand and taking Lionheart down with a series of shoulderblocks. The first scoop of the match followed. Polo in his comfort zone. Knowing he has the beating of his opponent if he keeps the heid. He hit a double axe handle off the apron as Lionheart struggled on the outside before rolling back in to raise his fist towards the crowd Mark Coffey style. Perhaps not the time for it, but he gave off a vibe that said he had this in the bag and was going about his work like he had it all in hand. Not a problem. Lionheart tried to climb back in but Polo hit a lovely dropkick to send him back outside. In control.

He rolled outside to meet Lionheart and had a weird moment with someone in the crowd. I really don’t know what these cunts are thinking when they square up to wrestlers. Its a show and they are performers, unless they legit start shit with you there is nae reason to let your emotions spill over. It will not end well and you’ll either end up knocked out by a big burly bastard in a singlet or carried out the building. Usually both. The big walloper in the crowd was told to calm it before Lionheart acrobatically dodged an attempt by Polo to send him towards the ringpost. That led to Lionheart putting his stamp on the contest and he soon has Polo locked in a sharpshooter before he valiantly made it to the bottom rope. Polo does a jab then chop combo and its one of my favourite things to watch in wrestling, simple, well executed, good shit. He never invented jabs or chops but he does them in a unique way somehow. Lionheart dodged a splash in the corner and hit that big pump kick in the corner (he should defo call it the “get it pumped” kick imo) followed by the rock bottom for a two count. Back and forth. Lionheart fighting for his wrestling life. Compelling viewing.

Lionheart reneged on hitting the frog splash and instead rolled out the ring seemingly on the lookout for a weapon. That weapon was most likely the Polo mallet, and he thought he could gain the upper hand by utilising it first, but the problem was he went to the wrong side of the ring and over on the other side Polo had already grasped the mallet. Ready to pounce. Lionheart dodged a wild swing from Polo before they played a wee game of cat and mouse. Lionheart’s anxiety was palpable, knowing how vital that mallet has been in his previous defeats. He wanted it out the picture or in his hands, because it Jackies hands? It meant danger. It meant defeat. Jackie chucked it in the ring and they both went after it but neither man could get a good grip on it. Jackie tried to put Lionheart away with the electric chair drop that won him the match at the Barras but Lionheart reversed it into a hurricanrana, before hitting a huge dive over the top rope on to the ramp.

They battled on the ramp a bit. Polo having a piledriver attempt blocked, before he blocked Lionhearts rock bottom attempt, nailing the move himself. Lionheart hit that very same move on the ramp at the Barras so thats some lovely storytelling. Both men very aware of what’s done them damage in the matches before and trying to avoid those things. Lionheart going for the mallet. Polo hitting the rock bottom. Beautifully done. Polo hit the electric chair drop on the second attempt but this time it was only a two. Lionheart wasn’t done yet. This wasn’t just a match to him. Another chapter in this rivalry. This was pretty much his career on the line and it showed. He was desperate and it brought the very best out of him. A version of himself that could beat Polo. If he just believed it himself.

He hit a beauty of a frog splash soon after but Polo kicked out. As strong as Lionheart’s will was to win this one, you’re aff yer nut if you think Polo didn’t want it just as bad. The bragging rights that comes with being the man who pretty much buried Lionheart is something he definitely wanted and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it. Anything. He looked right into Lionhearts eyes after kicking out of the frog splash. Undoubtedly in pain but not willing to show it. He had something up his sleeve that he was sure would do the job. He crawled towards the mallet but Lionheart stood on it as if to say it wasn’t going to end that way. Not this time. Up he went once more for the electric chair drop, which Lionheart once again attempted to reverse only for Polo to counter that by setting him up for….is he…..oh my fuckin god…..

The Styles Clash. Not just The Styles Clash, but a Styles Clash hit with unerring perfection. Absolutely nailed it. Right in the middle of that ring. Lionheart’s career once again was in deep jeopardy thanks to that move, only this time there was no tragic neck break. Everything happened exactly as it should have, and as is the norm with that move, it would surely end the match. In any other circumstance it would have, but Lionheart faced his biggest fear and fuckin conquered it. The move that has no doubt been a central piece in his nightmares for the better part of 4 years. Haunted by it. Why did I tuck? It didn’t matter anymore. Its rare that being on receiving end of a move can be a cathartic experience but that’s exactly what this was. He triumphantly kicked out at fuckin ONE. Not this time.

Superkick, big pump kick in the corner, another one for good measure, rock bottom, down went Polo. This time. Maybe this time it might just be different. Emphatic frog splash. A cover that was dripping with fear, dripping with emotion, maybe it would be three this time. It was. Lionheart had won. Somehow. Someway. He pulled it out the bad when he truly desperately needed to. A triumphant effort. A magnificent main event.

In terms of getting the crowd engaged and evoking real emotion there’s no better feud in British Wrestling than this one. Sha Samuels vs Grado is always brilliant and is up there with them, but this has the edge for me because it carries that edge that it’s a bit real. They really don’t like each other but on the evidence of the last two matches, they work incredibly well together. Lionheart got the big win he needed and wants it to propel him to bigger things but something tells me ol Just Justice doesn’t want this to end on a loss and this might not be the end. After all. The score overall still reads Jackie Polo 2 Lionheart 1. Lionheart was played out by his brilliant new music as he toasted a massive win. He’s won a watch with this whole revamp so he has. They’ve absolutely nailed his tune.

A topper of a show overall. For me one of the best ICW have ever produced. So much variety in the matches and everything was quality. No lulls. Cracker of a main event. I gie it 60 stars. A hunner and fifty Meltzer badges. 10 outta fuckin 10.

Massive thanks to David J Wilson as usual for some stunning shots. The Fleish moonsault and Bram swanton captured perfectly and the shot of that Styles Clash is just art.

Mark Dallas started ICW with little more than the clothes on his back and brother, he had a dream. A dream that one day this wee wrestling company from Maryhill, Glasgow would get to the stage where the people who work there ply their trade in the wrestling business full-time. Its been a right bendy road at times. Anything worth having in life tends to kick you in the teeth a few times before you eventually get it, but three years in a row running a triumphant beauty of a building like the Hydro would suggest ICW are doing just fine. Better than fine. The fact that Dallas was running about stressed while looking for turnbuckle pads when I showed up to interview him is a wee insight as to how far this has all came. Think about it, I went to a building that exists purely as ICWs office and GPWA’s training school to interview Dallas, where he works full-time as a wrestling promoter, and his first stressor of the day was trying to find one of the turnbuckle pads he owns and stores in ICW’s very own HQ. If you told Mark Dallas in 2006 that by 2018 an inability to find some of the many ICW branded turnbuckle pads he owns would be a real problem, he’d probably have laughed at you.

Or maybe he’d just nod and go “fuckin right” because having that conviction you’ll get there one day is a big part of building a succesful venture from the ground up. If you don’t believe in your own vision, how can you expect anyone else to? He did find those turnbuckle pads eventually with the help of Ravie Davie, who stoated into the building shortly after me to record a promo video with Dallas and Jack Jester for a reality show they’re filming in the coming months. Turnbuckle pads, reality shows, a roof office with a pool table and a signed Bill Murray poster amongst other trinkets of feelgood shit. Walking through The Asylum was eye-opening before Mark even broke breath to me for the interview itself. ICW is no longer just an independent wrestling promotion. Its a workplace. It had grown exponentially even since I last went there to do an interview 2 and a half years ago. Considering the humble, at times chaotic beginnings the company had, its remarkable to see.

“We’ve learned from the ground up. There wasn’t really any great role model in the promoting side when I started. I was 21 or 22. So I had to learn on the job. I’m meant to be the guy that knows the way to do things, when promoters are generally double my age. So we had to learn from scratch. Our most recent Fight Club show is a prime example of how that’s helped us. A lot of things went wrong, yet you can’t watch that show tell me it’s not a good show. It was madness at times. Wolfgangs ran out about 10 times to batter folk. Reds running about aw err the gaff cutting promos calling people bints (and bastards). It felt like an old ICW show, it was fuckin mental. People were getting injured and things just had to get changed on the fly. And it felt good to come through in difficult circumstances and pull out a great show, it’s a testament to the character in the locker room. Theres a buzz about it now and its great to see. Its going in the right direction, and as much as it’s hard work, we’ll get there”

With the emphasis firmly on bringing through new talent and giving opportunities further up the card for some of ICW’s mainstays, there’s very much a fresh feeling about ICW right now, meshed with a large dose of that unpredictablity that made ICW such a force in the first place.

“I think we’re finding our groove again, and we’re back in to just doing what we set out to do and not worrying about what other people are doing. That being storyline driven stuff, and building to the bigger matches on the big shows. Giving people what they want to see, but also making people care about it. Instead of just saying “here’s this indie guy vs this indie guy” and that being that. No reason for it whatsoever other than shit like “aw this guy does 16 great reversals…awesome”. Thats not what we do. Our stuff is more like “I want to see this guy fight this guy because he shagged his sister…they’re gonnae go to war” that’s fuckin wrestling mate”

Each to their own and all that, but there’s a reason the Attitude Era is so fondly remembered. Even if watching some of it back can be uncomfortable and at times a lot shiter than you remember, it made you care. The stories pushed peoples buttons and made them favour WWE’s product over the bigger marquee names WCW had to offer. It’s a philosophy at least in wrestling aimed at an adult audience that will never change, as Dallas went on to explain while firing balls around his luscious (recently re-turfed) green pool table. “Don’t get me wrong at all, its awrite bringing a big name in for one match and selling a show off the back of that. I’m sure the matches are good, but I’m running a city where I want the fans to come back again and again. The fact that we’re Scottish sometimes comes into folk’s thinking as well. We’re seen as less relevant because we’re up in this wee country in a wee corner of the world and its bullshit. Barramania this year is a prime example of ICW standing tall and showing people what we’re all about. That showed you all the talent that’s now rising to main event status, and the talent underneath that’s coming through that’ll help us get to that next level again.”

Keeping it storyline driven means rewarding your long-term fans. Their investment makes companies like ICW tick and that’s how people like Stevie Boy and DCT end up rising to the top of the pack. The fans have seen every step of their journey to the top and it has been rewarded by Dallas giving them main event slot on Shug’s Night Two. Considering both of them shared their first ICW main event’s as singles wrestlers at Spacebaws many moons ago, it’s a sign of the forward thinking philosophy ICW has adopted that the match up will be repeated with so much more importance attached to it. Stevie defending his recently captured ICW Title against DCT.

“I think that match is something that shows the way forward for ICW. Here are two people owning the main event. Making themselves main eventers. I think the overall night DCT had at the last Fight Club taping made him a main eventer. It’s not that he didn’t have the credentials before, that was just him showing people he’s a force to be reckoned with in ICW. Thats an ICW wrestler if there ever was one. He knows how to get the crowd behind him. Knows how to have a great match, and he knows how to get everyone believing in him. I think he’s very very underrated in pro wrestling. I’ve never heard a crowd not shout “oh” when he comes out”

Stevie’s journey has been a remarkable one. Still only in his mid 20s, yet with more experience than most of his peers and an enviable ability to adapt and grow as a performer.

“Stevie’s become the man. That’s another guy who started with ICW when he was very young. So young we had to sneak him in the nightclubs we used to run back in the day because he was too young to be in them legally. Him, Noam Dar and Davey Boy were all the same. He’s grown up in ICW and now he’s the fucking man. He’s got his own crew, his own coll faction that everyone seems to be right behind. Everything’s clicking for him and these two motherfuckers at their peak are going to collide in the Main Event of Night Two with the ICW Title on the line”

“It’s an opportunity to shake things up and inject a bit of new life into the company. A lot of these guys have been here for a long time but they’re still very young. I think that blows peoples minds sometimes. A guy like a Stevie Boy is 26, 27 years old. Lewis Girvan is another one around 24-25. With the talent going away to do different things, it’s opened up spaces for other talented people to take. Obviously in some cases its big shoes for people to fill and it might take them a bit of time to get there, however that’s always the challenge. Thats what you need to do. Slow and steady wins the race as they say and I’m sure they’ll get there”

Get there just like Noam Dar (any excuse to use this nice wee photie btw, pals bein pals…cannae whack it wae a tenny racket) and many others have over the past few years. Talented people who have grown as performers on ICW’s platform before going on to take up opportunities with WWE and ITV’s WoS. A subject people love ‘debating’ of course but any doubt that performers who take up such opportunities are doing any sort of damage to ICW is quelled by Dallas.

“Its pride for me when I see people who as little as 10 years ago were involved in an industry that was a laughing-stock, compared to what we see now. Now we’ve got guys on mainstream tv, guys going to do panto, going to perform with WWE and WoS. Back then you wouldn’t even think that was a real possibility unless you were somebody who’s built like Drew Galloway, and I for one am over the moon for every single one of them. I know it’s that person that has put in the work to get there but I can’t help but feel a little bit of pride seeing the succeed when ICW was a part of their journey. How can you perform if you don’t have a platform?”

It was a platform used to perfection by Drew Galloway (pictured above kicking his bosses teeth down his throat) Now back for a second run in WWE looking sharper and more polished than ever before. Drew was already the best Scotland has ever produced before his initial WWE release and return to ICW but since then? Big man’s become one of the very best at this on the planet and re-invented himself in such an emphatic way that you barely even recall the years where he seemed to be stuck in place. ICW’s relationship with WWE, which led to a recent appearance by Triple H at an ICW show in Cardiff, naturally comes under scrutiny from fans and Dave Meltzer alike 😉 but Dallas offers a unique and sensible perspective on it.

“Drew (Galloway) is a prime example of the sort of relationship we have with WWE right now. You see a lot of people going from ICW to WWE and they think it’s a one way street when that’s really not the case. The wrestling business has always been like this. Drews time with WWE came to an end, so he came back here, enhanced his character, made it cooler, then he went back to WWE a bette performer. There’s guys who have gone over to WWE recently who worked with ICW, are they going to stay there forever? No. Hardly anyone stays there forever. If they do it’s an anomaly. You might get 10-15 people. The likes of Shawn Micheals, Undertaker etc. Other than that? It’s a rare thing. Eventually they’ll leave WWE. In the past people would leave WWE and it would be highly unlikely that they would ever go back. Now? People can leave WWE, end up somewhere like ICW. Their enhanced status helps ICW draw bigger crowds, they get the chance to work on their character and improve, the people who work with them in ICW get the rub from working with them, they get the chance to alter their persona and maybe become something else in wrestling. Then they’re in a better position to make an impact if WWE bring them back for another run. That’s a thing that will definitely happen but it’s obviously going to take longer than 2 or 3 years”

Trusting the process is something wrestling fans can struggle with at times. Social media has made reacting to things you see so instant and easy, and its often difficult to see the bigger picture. That can lead to folk talking, or the lack of a better term, absolute shite. Wrestling is stories. Some of them are big epic novels, some of them are wee 500 word efforts about a parrot who learned how to swim but refused to teach the other parrots because he identifies as a dolphin

“That’s the thing with social media. Imagine they had that back in the day and you’ve got the Iron Sheikh jumping on Facebook or Twitter after the match saying to Hulk Hogan ‘Thank you for the great match brother. Hope we can do it again soon Hulkster’ Wrestling would never have been anything know what I mean? Everyone’s entitled to their opinion and all that, but the internet gives them the platform to bother everycunt else with it, and that I don’t agree with *laughs* We’re getting to a stage with the internet now where people should be able to differentiate between what’s good and what’s a pile of shite, instead of everything being treated as if it of equal relevance, because some people are absolute fuckin’ gonks…..quote me!” *laughs*

“This is a long-term plan for the industry as a whole, to create more opportunities for the workers within the industry and in turn for them to be in a position to further their careers and make more money. It’s great to see guys who have been affiliated with ICW like Killain Dain, Aliester Black, Nikki Cross, Drew, Noam etc and they go on TV and do something important, or get recognition. Things like make a difference and shows the world the high quality of talent that comes from ICW and how much working with ICW can help you get to WWE in the first place.”

In recent years Dallas has become something of a celebrity himself. A status that he embraces and why not? When there’s an audience for something you create and take pride in, perform in front of them as much as you can while they want to see it. ICW is Mark Dallas’ bread and butter and always will be as long as people want to see it but the exaggerated version of himself you see on-screen is something else. The fact that his on screen persona being so well-known also enables him to perform on wrestling shows outwith ICW, without the added stress of being the man responsible for that particular show going to plan is a luxury and one he enjoys when the opportunity arises.

“I am happy with the fact that ive been able to use the name value ICW has given me to pursue things like doing comedy, spoken word shows, and also doing different TV work like Scot Squad. To be honest with you the other wrestling gigs are just…a laugh. It’s great to be able to be part of a show and the only thing I’m doing on that show is the segment I’m booked in. It’s completely different from being a promoter. I can’t speak for what its like compared to actually wrestling on a show, I’m sure there’s a lot of stress involved when it comes to planning your match, but I’m sure also as soon as that match is over your stress is finished, whereas my stress is the from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep on a show day. It’s nice to get away from that and also make a nice bit of money from it in the process”

Performing on show’s geared towards family audiences also gives Mark the chance to perform in front of his young son Danny. With ICW being an 18+ product chances like that have been few and far between over the years so being in that position is one he relishes. In particular this Saturday when Wrestling Experience Scotland run a show in ICWs first ever stomping ground in Maryhill.

“When it comes to the family shows, I like performing in front of children specifically. Seeing kids going crazy and getting excited for what we’re doing is nice. I always get them chanting ‘jobby’ at the bad guy and they’ll go mental. I love stuff like that. If it wasn’t for the fact that we as children grew up watching people like Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior, and stuff like that then would we end up being adult wrestling fans? I doubt it. I think a lot of people forget that at times and you get things like people saying John Cena should turn heel. Mate, John Cena’s beloved by children all over the world, and when he’s an old man he’ll be remembered for that the same way Hulk Hogan was”

If being involved in a show at the venue where it all started wasn’t enough excitement, yer man’s whizzing off to see The Rolling Stones afterwards. As ye do.
“I’m buzzin for this Maryhill show because the last time I went to Maryhill it was the bigger hall because with ICW, as there was no way we could run the smaller hall. But the small hall was the first ever ICW arena. With ICW growing as it did, I’ve not had a show in there since about 2010. To be able to go back there 8-9 years later is incredible. Surreal. It’ll be a family show so my son gets to be there as well which is cool as fuck. Him getting to see his Da being involved in a wrestling show is something I love. Its my team vs Red’s team. It’s the two boys from Maryhill, so that aspect comes into it as well. A lot of ICW originals involved as well as the up and coming talent. So its going to be a brilliant experience, it wont just be a normal family show it’ll be a bit like a blast from the past in terms of where ICW came from. There won’t be any alcohol! *laughs* although there will be after because me and Jester are getting absolutely honkin, bouncing in a car and going to see The Rolling Stones at Murrayfield”

I planned on plugging that show in this bit as it’s a stellar card top to bottom but its only went and sold the fuck oot so my advice would be to just mug anyone wearing a wrestling t-shirt over the next few days and see if you get lucky. At the very least you’ll come out of it with a nice new watch and a pair of decent Fila sannies. No belters, but clean enough to wear oot

That Maryhill show gives Dallas and Red Lightning a chance to showcase their storied rivalry in front of a family audience. A rare chance to bring their unique back and forth to a family show and a true test of their willpower when it comes to not calling each other arseholes and other such slurs not fit for a family audience.

“Red is my arch nemesis We’ll be in our 60s with big heavy beer bellies at a legends show and we’ll waddle oot and start slapping each other and hopefully people still care *laughs*. We are destined to never see eye to eye. It’s the same in real life as well. We’ve known each other a very long time but we still bicker a lot and that definitely comes through when we’re performing. That’s not to say we don’t respect each other. We definitely do, but we also bounce off each other very well whenever we collide. The results speak for themselves when we do and the reactions we get. ”

Perennial enemies with a grudging respect for each other are essential building blocks for any succesful wrestling company. Red Lightning is currently building another army, but this one feels a bit different. This one isn’t geared towards taking over completely, its more to do with gaining power from within and taking as many innocent bystanders down as possible as ICW press on with what has already been a strong year in terms of show quality. The next step is getting more eyes and ears on the new look product, as the company undergoes something of a facelift at the next show. New ICW Fight Club logo to go with a roster with renewed vigour and freshness

New Logo pictured in the t-shirt Renfrew’s wearing. Also buy that merch. If ye like….merch n that

“For me, ICW has been putting on some of its best shows in a long time this year and it’s just a matter of time until that gets a bit more recognition on a wider scale. We went from being the coolest company in the world to all of a sudden maybe not being so cool, when you’re cool you can do no wrong, but when that goes away a bit you can’t make yourself cool again for love nor money, so as a company we’ve just weathered the storm a bit, whereas most companies in that situation would just bottom out and disappear. Slowly but surely we’ve tweaked things and rebuilt, brought through new talent, but at the same time kept the same ICW mentality where we won’t bow down to people who want us to change. People don’t realise we want you to moan. We don’t want everyone to be happy and holding hands. We want debate. We want you to react”

“LETS BE AVIN YOU!”

As ICW gears up for another shot at running The Hydro this year, mainstream media exposure is a big target for the company. People talking means tickets shifting and tickets shifting means the new wave of ICW talent get to perform in front of bigger, more enthusiastic crowds.

“With the revitalisation of the roster and the team ethic we’ve built, I’ve noticed over the past year the one thing we’ve been missing that mainstream exposure. Things like the BBC having cameras at the ABC for the documentary (on Viper), so this year there’s been a conscious effort to change that and there’s a bunch of stuff happening in that regard this year. We’re at the point now where ICW is well-known in the UK, especially Scotland so when our name pops up in all these different outlets they already know who we are so yeah…expect to see a lot more ICW in the mainstream media soon as we build towards the Hydro”

Safe to say The Hydro is never too far from the thinking of those grafting away in the Asylum but for now the big focus is on Shug’s House Party 5. A weekender that Dallas promises will be the best installment of the Shug’s series yet and the way the card’s for both nights are shaping up so far, its hard to argue. As much as ICW have always been built on pushing their own talent to the forefront, there’s always room for those special “imports” that offer something a bit different and Austrian powerhouse Walter certainly comes under that bracket. I heard he met Ted DiBiase Jr once and chopped him so hard yer man literally turned to dust. Think about it, when did you last see that guy anywhere? Exactly. His match up with BT Gunn at Shug’s is one that gets the juices flowing for Dallas both as a promoter, a fan of wrestling and a fan of folk chopping the guts out each other, as he went on to explain

“I’ve been wanting to book Walter for a while but he’s a very in demand performer. I’m happy he was available for this show. People wondered what kind of opponent I’d give him, but for me there only was one opponent. BT Gunn. BT Gunn and Walter had to be the match. I’ve seen him post photos of folk whose chest he’s mangled with they chops and I’m like “cool” *laughs* I’ve seen folk like Fergal Devitt buckle at BT Gunns chops man. We’ve got this big monster Austrian guy coming for one of our own. Its like Rocky, and hes Ivan Drago. In the other corner you’ve got the plucky Scottish guy who’ll fight anycunt. No matter how big they are. And they’re gonna chop the SHIT out each other. Its Rocky 6 mate”

One match that needs no selling is the upcoming battle between Joe Coffey and Mark Coffey. If ever there was a feud that could garner fan investment with ease its former tag partners feuding. It sells itself. Just make the match and watch the zeroes jump on the end of your bank balance. Throw in the fact that they’re brothers and two of the best out there? Its going to be fucking glorious mate. I know. You know it. Dallas knows it

“For a long time I’ve wanted to see Mark vs Joe. I think it’ll be an epic encounter. Thats not just me giving you hyperbole, I genuinely think for wrestling fans thats going to be a fantastic contest to see. I’ve wanted to do it for a while but there’s always factors stopping it. There are times they’ve not felt the time was right and I’ve agreed with them as they had other things to focus on at the time. Now I just feel like….its ready. It’s a massive thing if Joe takes that belt off his brother, and the same if Mark retains. It matters. Its something special, especially in front of the ICW who’ve seen them grow up in front of them. This crowd has seen them perform since as far back as 2011, maybe 2010 for Joe. That’s a long, long time, and over that time they’ve become two of the best professional wrestlers in the world. Now finally after all these years, they’re finally going to have that match in ICW. ”

Another encounter that sells itself is the potential match-up between “Just Justice” Jackie Polo and Lionheart. After their show stealing match at Barramania, Dallas agreed a follow up match with the victor, a certain Southern gentleman, whose aptitude for good manners is only matched by his aptitude for swagger, who goes by the initials JJJP…only for his potential opponent Lionheart to express no interest in the re-match. Seemingly going through a break down after his Barrowlands defeat. It’s a match that Dallas certainly wants to see as part of the weekender and considering the quality of the match that night, it’s a match fans must be keen to witness as well.

“My intention as a promoter is always to see matches like that happen. The fans want to see it happen. Main event of night one is where I want to see it. That’s what I think should be the main event. There are people that were really looking forward to the Barrowlands match, and even I expected it to be something special, but honestly, I was still gobsmacked with just how good that match was. I can honestly say it was one of the best matches in ICW history. It seems to be a lot of our best matches have happened in that venue. There’s something special about that building. Hopefully we can talk Lionheart into feeling the same way as everyone else, in that there’s another chapter of this story to be written. If they do clash finally in that main event, all eyes on them, it’ll be something spectacular.”

Everyone tweet Lionheart “shitebag if ye don’t” until he signs on that dotted line.

One man who didn’t need much persuasion to sign on that dotted line is a man who actually wrestled Lionheart once before and a man who JJJP clearly takes a lot of inspiration from. A certain Mr Jeff Jarrett, who will come in as commissioner for Night Two of the showpiece weekender as he comes to the UK for a spoken word tour. All the details of which can be found below in this big poster where Jeff does that clenched fist pose every wrestler has done 1-1000 times in their career

When Dallas put the call in to Jarrett he was pleasantly surprised by his enthusiasm not only to work with ICW, but to share his knowledge with Dallas as they spent some time shootin the breeze. Chewin the fat about the biz. Engaging in some good ol fashioned shop talk

“He’s doing a spoken word tour in July and I found out he was on a wrestlecon in London on the Sunday so I got in contact with him to see if there was any chance he could get down for Night Two. He said “You know what, for ICW, consider it done” and he found a way he could finish at mid-day to make it down to be the commissioner for night two. He’s flying up from London for it. I got chatting away to him and I think we talked for about 3 hours the first time we talked. I think people underestimate his wrestling mind because its incredible. So just to be able to sit on the phone with him and pick his brains was something special. You tend not to push that kind of chat with legends in wrestling, but when HE wants to talk about that and is asking what ICW’s like and all that its hard not to get carried away. It was a great experience to be able to talk to him for that long and made me think very highly of him. If you look throughout his history in wrestling, he always managed to keep himself prominent somewhere that matters. As a promoter, he invented TNA and made them a very good alternative to WWE at a time where no one else existed”

Alongside Jeff when he did invent TNA was his father Jerry Jarrett. Dallas might be due an invite to the Jarrett’s Christmas dinner this year as he’s set to appear on a podcast with Jerry himself. A man who seems to share Mark’s vision for how wrestling should be done.

“I’m doing a podcast soon with, of all people, Jerry Jarrett. An American podcaster who watches ICW asked me to do it. He wants people to talk to him about booking philosophies and all that kind of stuff and he said he put my name forward. I misunderstood at first and thought he meant himself, but he actually meant Jerry Jarrett put my name forward. That blew my mind. I was like….of course! That whole Memphis style where JJ comes from is something I’ve always admired. Think about it, when you look at the territories, what outlasted everything and continued to draw consistently? It’s the Memphis area. Even if it’s not just the one company, that area has always been somewhere that has drawn consistently well. To this day if they put on a legends show they could still draw 6-7 thousand people easily. Thats something special. A lot of people think my main influence is ECW but in reality it’s that, the attitude era with a wee bit of Memphis in there”

When asked exactly how much Memphis wrestling influenced ICW, Dallas responded with enthusiasm. An admiration for the way they crafted stories shines through in his own work with ICW as he revealed the three prongs of the booking plug that makes ICW so electric! (wis pure excited when I came up with that metaphor there, if you’re from a country where plugs have more or less than 3 prongs well…kid on yer no)

“Thats my booking soup. ECW, The Attitude Era, and wee bit of Memphis. All 3 were about storylines. Even though Jerry Lawler was the champ about 38 times *laughs* that was always crafted with stories as well. Big bad guy would win the belt, they’d make hin look like a monster and Jerry would take it. It’s a very underrated territory in my eyes. Anyone into the history of wrestling, look at that territory as an example”

While ICW knocking it out the park consistently in the ring is essential when it comes to drawing big crowds at places like The Hydro (and one day Hampden mate, it’ll happen) mainstream exposure is essential to keep growth steady. A recent venture that’s captured the imagination is Dallas’ latest TV show, the as of yer unnamed BBC show detailed in the photo above. A project Dallas is buzzin to get started with

“Some fans think I’m looking for people to train to be wrestlers when that’s actually not the case at all. If you want to become a legit professional wrestler go to a wrestling school. This is more like a wrestling bootcamp. This is more like a TV show where you get absolute arseholes and you put them through hell. I want good tv. I want the voice over guy to be saying stuff like “Barry from Springburn has kicked off ” and I want Ravie Davie jabbin some trainee. I want arguments. Its going to be one of they shows like when they take all the wee neds and try to scare them straight. I want people just oot the jail. I want troublemakers. I want people who’ve had a troubled past. I want characters. Anyone who thinks this is just going to be the BBC filming a wrestling school and a bunch of wrestlers is missing the point. I want everyone watching this. Maws and Da’s. People who think wrestling is cheesy. I want people in Barlinnie watching this. I want grannies watching it. I want people in their work on a Monday morning to be sitting talking about it. I don’t want just wrestling fans sitting on a forum talking to just each other about how good the show is and how much is respected the business, because only they watched it. Sometimes people don’t see the bigger picture and that what you’re doing is for the greater good for not only ICW but the performers within it”

Midway through the interview Jack Jester showed up to folk a promo with Dallas and Ravie Davie clarifying what the show was all about and I was personally privelaged to oversee the storyboard process of this promo. Many potential names for the show were chucked about, my personal favourite being “Rapscallion to Wrestler” because the word rapscallion is incredible. Dallas said we could finish the interview after the promo which might take an hour or so and I made the decision to hang about because why the fuck no. I had nothing else on the cards that day and seeing a wee promo happen from behind the scenes was something of genuine interest to me. We see these wee videos go up and the creative process never really crosses your mind. Why would it? Its not supposed to at the end of the day. Its all about how the finished product resonates with the viewer, but the whole process is nae joke. Theres is no half arsery at play here. They do it over and over again until the job is done. On this occasion the job was to clear up any confusion as to what kind of person they’re looking for to take part in this show. They want raspers. Roasters. (W)rong uns. Rogues…and above all….Rapscallions

“They asked us to put posts up about it and I knew it would be all wrestling fans responding. They got about 500 emails about it from wrestling fans so they asked us to put a video up about it so they could put it on their social media. Basically asking us to explain it a bit better. Ravie’s going to be used as an example a lot in this series as a guy that’s had a hard life. A guy thats had trouble with the law. A guy thats had a troubled past. But he’s a guy who’s then turned that round. People think when this guy wins this that he’s on the ICW roster. Nothing could be further from the truth. You’ll maybe get a belt and some bragging rights, but at the end of it you’ll get the opportunity to go and train. One of the prizes will be that opportunity to train and make a career in wrestling if that person chooses. Even if someone turns out to be great, they still need to go and train if they want to do this professionally”

Anyone thinking this show might be an easy way in to the wrestling business has the wrong end of the stick. This is about using wrestling as a means to give someone with a troubled past a bit of purpose. Maybe someone with an attitude problem will have that attitude adjusted, while being taught how to display hustle, loyalty and above all respect at all times. This show isn’t about finding the next Dean Malenko. It’s about finding the next Mike Tyson. Its about finding someone who wouldn’t hesitate for a second to bite your ear clean aff, and perhaps teaching that person biting peoples ears off isn’t big or clever. One thing it most certainly isn’t, is a slap in the face to professional wrestling, as Dallas explained further.

“I don’t want people thinking I don’t have the utmost respect for wrestling because I’m doing a show like this. I’m the worst for putting the fear up people in that regard. (Ravie) Davie will tell ye, I’ll walk thought this training school when there are classes on and give them patter like “out of 30 of you, one 1 will make it!” and all that, and the trainers are telling me not to say that *laughs* but thats how it is. Don’t think I don’t have that old school mentality.”

From what I gathered as I sat in Mark Dallas’ roof office, overlooking (I was sitting slightly below it so I was literally looking over it) a pool table with some of the most spectacularly woven luscious cloth I’ve ever seen, as we sat among posters from significant ICW events, signed posters of legends of film and the massive trophy Drew Galloway received for going in to the ICW Hall of Fame that he eventually wants sent over to him (As to how that might happen “That big bastard can pay for it to get shipped” I believe was the direct quote, followed by a hearty laugh) the point in it all is to find someone, perhaps several people, who need something to help them turn their lives around. Its designed to be entertaining but perhaps life changing and essentially that’s what ICW is all about at its core. Buy the ticket, take the ride, reach for the fuckin stars.

“There’s a lot of perks from winning it and being seen on television, but whoever wins it will have no advantage over any other trainee and they’ll still need to get to the back of the queue. It’ll be up to them whether they want to do this properly or not. Essentially it’s not really about wrestling, it’s about taking people who have had a troubled life and helping them better themselves. Maybe it’ll help someone be a bit less depressed, or help them if they don’t see their wean enough, or help them if they’ve had troubles with the law and all that. Maybe they take this as an opportuity to make their family proud”

After recently making ICW’s second ever show “Stop, He’s Already Dead” available on their On Demand service with Dallas and Renfrew providing commentary over the top of it, the feedback recieved has made digging through the archieves a top priority. To know where’re you’re headed, you need to have a right good laugh at where you’ve been as Dallas detailed what kind of thing you might expect from a deeper look at ICWs history

“It is fun watching them (the older shows) back. It’s like watching a toddler book a wrestling show. It was my baby steps as a promoter. Barely able to walk let alone fucking run.. a wrestling show. I crawled a wrestling show *laughs* After you’ve accomplished things it gives you a bit of perspective on those and you’re more able to laugh at it. It makes you think, whenever you’ve got a problem now, just stick one of they old tapes in and you realise it’s nowhere near as bad as that *laughs*. We want to do more of that and go through some of the old ones. There’s footage of ICW’s first match from Fear and Loathing 1. It’s all on cassettes and stuff like that and it needs edited together but we want to do more stuff like that”

“At least these are the older shows that have footage. Back in the day hardly anyone had DVDs and all that. Scott (Reid) unearthed the first ever ICW match recently and its…..*laughs*. (At this point Scott poked his head in from the office below and said its fuckin ghastly, which just make me want to see it more) Mike Musso and Damian Diamond in a dog collar match where the top rope breaks is the first ever ICW match. I cannae even begin to imagine how horrendous it’ll be. Me and Renfew will do it but I’d like to have others involved. Maybe Wolfy, Kid Fite, Liam Thomson. People that were around at that time. In fact, why is Liam no daein an online thing for us. Why is Liam Thomson not commentating on these old shows?. There’s an exclusive mate. I want Liam Thomson involved in commentating on these old shows with us at some point”

Any exclusive that means we get more Liam Thomson in our lives is one I am happy to be able to bring to the world.

As ICW hurtle towards another crack at The Hydro, there’s renewed motivation amongst the whole team to make this the best Hydro show ever. Marketing wise it’s been approached a bit differently, with emotive images from ICW’s history being used to garner interest without outwardly advertising the show details. Simple planting the seed of interest in people’s minds as they wonder just what they’re seeing and how they can see more of it.

“Instead of just doing normal posters with the show details on the, we decided to do a bit more of a digital marketing campaign sort of thing. So the idea was to take these 5 really ghastly photos from ICW’s history and just put the word “Insane Championsip Wrestling – Fear And Loathing” on it and nothing else, so it makes you take notice and you want to look it up and find out more about it. I’ve seen that done with different things around the city, and its a really smart thing, so there’s going to be those five. They posters will go up everywhere around Glasgow over time. When they’re done, there’s going to be a series of posters with images of ICW’s most iconic drinking moments, and they’ll be in black and white, with maybe a wee bit more information about the show, and after that it’ll maybe be a similar style with the match ups that have been signed until that point and they’ll have all the information on it. It’ll be a gradual progression and I want it to subliminally get into people heads. Those five posters we have now are jarring images, to the point that when I put them up in the street, you actually see people stop what they’re doing to look at it. To be honest, they’re pretty fucked up, but I think it’s the attitude of ICW summed up to a tee. By the end of the year we want peole who don’t follow wrestle, who don’t follow ICW to be like “what the fuck is this thing I keep seeing all round the city” and that’s the thinking behind that”

New marketing campaigns, new logo, music and stage setup for the June 17th Garage show, new talent, new main eventers, and whole new set of challenges. ICW has indeed entered its second era, and the first challenge for this new era is topping the two Hydro shows they’ve put on so far. The next one after that is giving their eras their own names. The catchier the better

“I want this to be the biggest Hydro crowd ever. Certainly bigger than last year, which was nothing to be ashamed of at all. Just over 4000. But this year I want more. Who’s to say we can’t top the first year? Ye never know what’s going to happen between now and The Hydro. The first big names for Hydro. New look, new sound, we’ve got access to this etensive music library and a lot of things are going to be different. The stage will look cool as fuck. Everything is freshened up a bit and geared towards this new era. This is the dawn of a new era. I don’t know what its called mate *laughs* I’ve never ran a company that has gone through a full era. Maybe we’ll just call this the second era, and if we get to a third era cunts might start giving them names *laughs*”

Massive thank you to Mark Dallas for his time on what was a busy day at The Asylum.

Thank you to David J.Wilson, Warrior Fight Photography, Chelsea Cochrane, Turning Face Photography, and anyone else whos photos I may have used. If you see your photo and its uncredited shoot me a message or sue me if you so wish

To buy tickets for any of the shows mentioned in this interview, or indeed any ICW show you fancy going to, click this link RIGHT HERE

The Barras has a special kind of feeling about it. Nothing that happens there can be considered throwaway. Nothing happens for no reason. It just, matters. When ICW first ran this venue it was the first time you knew for sure this shit was going to be huge. It had to be. The product and the talent on display belonged in venues like this and the atmosphere that night was electric. It’s almost a bit sad that running this venue has become normal thing but that’s what happens when you grow. There’s less scope to break new ground because you’ve already left your footprint everywhere.

This felt a wee bit different from previous Barras shows. Previous shows have had crowning moments for the company and this era of stars, but this show felt more like it was introducing us to the folk who’ll be making memories in big time matches there for years to come. After Barramania 4 the picture for this year’s Fear and Loathing was bound to look a bit clearer, but perhaps more pertinently the card for Shug’s latest weekender started to take shape and one absolutely cash money match I’ve personally been frothing to see since day one finally looks like its going to be a reality in ICW. Honestly, as matches go, this yin is basically printing money so it is. As soon as it was announced, all the tenners in the world gave birth to a score. First, the gauntlet.

Due to Jody Fleisch having to drop out with an injury, yer man Andy Wild kicked this whole affair off in a heartwarming tale of the man with a winning smile, a killer release belly to belly suplex and a heart of pure solid gold. Its hard not to like Andy Wild really. He has fought very hard to regain his place as an ICW regular after a few years of dipping in and out for various reasons. He’s battled his own mind at times just to get to this point. Redemption. What better way to reclaim his place than by taking the title that helped him make his name in the first place? Only problem with that was a big unit of a boy from Clydebank who happened to draw number two.

This was an enjoyable scrap for the few minutes it got. Echo looked like a guy who wanted to maximise the ring time he was getting and you have to respect the shite out of that kind of nae wasted motion approach to the wrestling. No doubt in my mind the big man will one day be on the list of folk who have won this title but it wasn’t to be on this here night, although he did nail Wild with a stoater of a back elbow off the top in a style of a good good personal friend of his, but he was put away with the Gutwrench Powerbomb and ANDY WILD advanced.

Match Two – Andy Wild vs Jordan Devlin

Having just returned from an injury that saw him miss a recent Garage show, Devlin came out all guns blazing against his auld pal. Hitting a lovely backstabber with Wild suspended in the corner. Devlin had the better of this one for the most part but Andy Wild was here to reclaim his spot and nae amount of Devitt trained talent was stopping that happening. Even if walking out of the Barras with the Zero-G Title was going to be a tall order, big man was at least going to walk out with his name on the tip of people’s tongues and after taking a lovely floaty moonsault from Devlin, Wild stole the win with a small package to advance once again. ANDY WILD CHARGES ON TO MATCH THREE. Against none other than D…C….T

Match Three – Andy Wild vs DCT

We were the guts of the gauntlet at this stage and no one on the roster knows more about gettin up in some guts than yer man DCT. Perhaps he just caught Andy a wee bit out of puff. After all he had just beaten one of the best young talents in the country in Aaron Echo and the massively talented murderer of the non-Irish Jordan Devlin. A helluva shift even if those matches happened at opposite ends of the card, but one after the other? Hard graft. A cunt of a shift. DCT looked fired up to fuck advanced by driving his two knees into Wild’s chest, and a steak knife through his heart. DCT MOVES ON

Match Four – DCT vs Mark Coffey

Dripping with intrigue this one was when Mark Coffeys jazzy new music hit. For anyone who wasn’t a fan 2-3 years ago, DCT was a part of Polo Promotions before they left, and to my knowledge this is the first time since the split (completely amicably, best pals 4 life) that they were engaged in fisticuffs. I fancied this to be the final pairing actually but on this evidence there’s certainly an excellent singles match between these two on the cards somewhere down the road. They thumped each other in the early exchanges. So many forearms, you’d think they did have four arms. DCT nearly put Coffey away with a running knee to the skull, but it was Coffey who advanced soon after thanks to that heid removing low forearm to the skull. MARK COFFEY ADVANCES

Sam Barbour is good so he is. A charismatic guy who can fuckin go in the ring. When he emerged as the final entrant in this match I was delighted for him. A massive opportunity to make an impression. That brief moment of “yass, well done mate!” soon wore off however. Mostly because Rampage Brown knocked the poor cunt into next week and well. Anyone else I’d be more raging on your behalf Sam. Honestly. This bit here I’d be aw ranting and raving, like how dare they do that to you but well. I’m not going to do that here for a few reasons. Firstly, Rampage Brown is a fuckin fridge/freezer masquerading as a human and I don’t fancy getting my heid kicked in by a human with the dimensions of a fridge/freezer. Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, Rampage Brown is THE BEST. Any set of circumstances that means he ends up wrestling on a card he wasn’t previously announced for is a-ok. Even if a few handsome men were harmed in the making of this match. It was a match we all needed to see. Mark Coffey vs Rampage Brown for the vacant Zero-G Title. Ooh aye. That’s the good stuff.

Rampage is far too massive and intimidating to catch people in mid air and powerslam them like he does, but there he was, aw up in The Barras, doing just that. It was a lovely 5 minutes of deceptively agile big guys doing brilliant stuff. One thing this match displayed is that whoever won it would instantly have 5 guys (make it 6 if yer counting Jody Fleisch) champing at the big for a title shot. Rampage will be no different but it was Mark Coffey who emerged a THREE TIME Zero-G Champion thanks to that low forearm he does which is most likely named after a That 70s Show reference because Mark Coffey is the best wrestler in the world mate.

His brerrs no bad either right enough eh. Oh my my. Since the first time I seen the Coffeys wrestle, them feuding against each other in ICW has felt like a thing that just HAS to happen. It has too much potential not to. Brothers wrestling each other is always a bit of a wildcard. A bit like how it’s always pish when the Williams sisters play a bit of tennis against each other. Naturally in a highly competitive sporting environment, your will to demolish whoever you face is diminished a bit when yees started yer careers in the same bawsack. At the same time though, wrestling is performance art and being paternal brother brothers is just an added bit of intrigue. A selling point. Joe openly questioned where else he could go in ICW after dropping the title he had coveted for so long, and this is it. This is where. He’s never really chased the Zero-G Title nor has he chased his brerrs jaw as mantelpiece memorabilia so finally he has a path less travelled. They stared each other down but wisely no blows were thrown. Keep that intrigue going. Get the people fucking clamouring for the first time you throw hands.

Wolfgang vs Tor Atterhagen – Chain Match

If you were to build a wrestler from scratch you’d probably build something like big Tor Atterhagen. Huge. Distinctive look. Really fuckin huge. Swedish. Big massive huge cunt. Beard. Not to mention, hes HUGE. The difficulty with guys like Tor is that all the aesthetics are there before the in ring stuff has caught up. Feels really strange saying that about a Johnny Moss trained wrestler but at least from my point of view anyway, he’s not put it all together when it comes to in ring stuff yet. Reminds me a lot of Braun Strowman when he first debuted and was in The Wyatt Family for a while in WWE. He hadn’t quite worked out how to put all these attributes together to make it something that has a lasting impact, but it was all there. Just in need of refinement. Having matches with top quality pro’s like Wolfgang will only help the big guy improve but there was times it just looked like he wasn’t sure what to be doing next.

The match didn’t officially start until the chain was hooked on Tor’s wrist and after some stiff jabs and forearms Wolfy finally got it under way. He done a stellar job of making Tor look like a superhero. Every clubbing blow to the back looked like it had shut down a vital organ and the spear the big Swede hit took every single one of Wolfys ribs down with it but the battle hardened big bruiser fae the East End doesn’t tend to fail when ICW hits The Barras (please no one actually verify if this is the case, I’ve no done ma homework here) and he put the probable murderer away with a Swanton on Tor’s back with the chain being utilised for extra added sareness.

It’s now been well over a year since Wolfgang lost the ICW Title and its about time the big man was back within pumpin distance of that shiny belt again. Few on the roster have the name recognition and talent the big man has and if WWE aren’t going to steal him full-time its high time the big yin was back in amongst the title picture. Not to be a spoilerin bastard but the show was over 2 weeks ago now, so if you don’t know, where ye been? but aye. One of Wolfgang’s finest matches as champ was against a certain leader of some sort of generation. Would stand to reason that if that person ever became champion himself, he might owe Wolfy a wee shot.

What can you say about the longest match in wrestling history? Are there any words? I must admit, looking at the record for this in the past led me to believe there was nae chance on this earth I’d ever personally witness the longest wrestling match ever. The way wrestling is now? No promoter in the world is putting on a match that spans several hours/perhaps even a full show. No way. That’s suicidal stuff. That’s akin to taking a pile of tickets for future shows and using them as some extremely ineffective, probably painful toilet roll. Unless you’re clever about it. Unless you’re constantly “keeping an eye on it” so we, the fans, don’t have to.

In all honesty this whole affair has been one of the funniest storylines ICW have ran with in a long time. From the first night of chaos where Hendry continually shot down Renfrew’s match suggestions, to the brawl continuing in Edinburgh, and even all the way to Renfrew confronting Leyton Buzzard about Joe’s whereabouts in Glasgow only to be told he was a wee bit busy representing this fine country in the Commonwealth Games. Its been very entertaining from the start and has shined a very positive light on both men involved in the “match” itself. Not because they were producing high-octane, head turning, 6 star rated wrestling for 3 months, but mostly because they displayed an ability to laugh at themselves and get fully immersed in the daftness that wrestling ultimately is. Also, it’s the only wrestling feud I’ve ever seen where both the ref and one of the competitors “assistant” end up coming out of it looking fantastic. Step forward Kieran Kelly and Leyton Buzzard. The joint MVP of the longest wrestling match of all time. Heroes in short troosers.

Kieran Kelly is a very talented wrestler and has been a hot prospect for a while but in an environment where so many trainees fall into that bracket these days and competition for places is hotter than ever, you need to have a willingness to do something else. To be a bit daft. To have a constant running battle with the assistant of one half of the match you’re reffing, then seeing that progress to actually laying hands on the competitor himself. Those antics only to be topped by the night where the other half of the match you’re reffing actually becomes the ref for your match with the aforementioned assistant, before both of you get frozen in time pointing to an imaginary sign and have to be carried out. It looked like it would roll on to the next show/possibly next decade when Dallas was about to tell Simon to keep an eye on it but they appeared actually at the ringside area and we were finally gonnae get it. The end.

Renfrew looked like he ‘d done it only for Leyton to pull the ref out at the very last minute. That led to another instalment of the feud within a feud, taking place within a match, which also included a match within the match at one point. This is all the one match btw. Every shite taken, nose picked, meal eaten, toenail clipped, knee skinned, flight boarded, pair of shoes tied, bowling ball shined up real nice, breath taken, all of the things that have happened since this match started until that point had been part of the match. This match was basically life itself and much like life itself as we knew it, it felt like it was finally coming to an end. Kieran Kelly hit Joe with a stunner, followed by Renfrew with a remarkably similar move called the stoner and that was finally that. Game, set and finally the END of the match that threatened to never end.

That would’ve been that if it wasn’t for that pesky Conrad! Joe congratulated Renfrew on a career win and insisted on serenading him as a goodwill gesture to commemorate the journey they had been on together. He told him he was gonna be big in this business one day if he kept at it and as amusing as it all was, it was a dirty, stinky ruse I tell ya! Dave Conrad attacked Kieran Kelly before joining Joe Hendry and Leyton Buzzard on the stage. Seemingly formally joining their wee gang before being introduced by Joe as “Bantz”. The joke there being that he actually doesn’t say very mu…..ah you’re a smart kid. You get the joke. Renfrew carried Kieran Kelly on his shoulder like he’d just took a bullet for him on the battlefield and with that, a strange but oddly beautiful palship was formed. Don’t be surprised if this is the start of a very promising career in ICW for Kelly.

Rory Coyle has a way about him on the mic that’s for true. Undoubtedly it was his strength in that area that saw his tag team The Sons Of Ulaid catch the eye enough to be given a shot. A problem has arisen. His partner Bas Ban is either deid, has killed a man, has killed several men and a few sheep, or all of the above, and that means Rory needed a new partner. One a bit less dead. He needed “ScrewFace” Ahmed aka AJ Anderson (although a more accurate name would be “ScrewShoulderPads” because that’s literally where the screws were…wee joke for ye there) the only person he could find close enough to his level of mental on such short notice. As much as it’s not the team they originally gained an interest in there’s something about Coyle that shouldn’t be ignored. Few people have that kind of special, almost creepy allure about them and if this change is a permanent one I sincerely hope it doesn’t spell the end of this opportunity in ICW for Coyle.

They were one of the teams making up the field for The Kinky Party’s first defence of the tag titles. The Purge and Kings Of Catch the other challengers. Card’s on the table right, 4 team tag matches are one of my least favourite types of matches in wrestling but I’ll blame that on WWE having one EVERY FUCKING YEAR at Mania when I was growing up. Dripping in indifference. How could we be indifferent to this one when The Kinky Party were finally home with they shiny belts. For something that didn’t really have much of a plan or direction to it, its done awrite eh? Two pals who didn’t have much else to do coming together to enjoy themselves and suddenly its 9-10 months down the road and they’ve won all sorts of belts together. That’s what wrestling’s all about at the end of the day innit. What gets you interested. What gets you properly invested. What gets you standing at a show smiling from ear to ear. Thats what the Kinky Party are. You won’t get aw sorts of intricate, complexed double team stuff that they’ve drilled 4000 times a week in training. They’re no out here to go flip for flip wae the Young Bucks, they are in this for the laughs, the pints, and the fuckin tag team titles.

While Coyle and Screwface were a brand new thing altogether, The Kings Of Catch and The Purge have been two of the main chasers of the titles. The Kings in particular have a decent claim for a title shot one on one considering they hold a tag team win over The Kinks, but perhaps a wee four way where they could utilise their expert sneakiness would work out better. They started out red hot with some high flying antics, as all of the teams had a wee shot of looking slick early doors. Sha and Jester had The KoC and the SickScrewCru (I’m no typing out both their names every time mate, although the whole point in that is kinda negated by this bit in the brackets eh? ah well) set up in the corners while they took turns each to splash them. As they passed each other on the way to each splash, they handed each other uplifting notes cause that’s just the kinda tag team they are. Powers of journalistic-ness led me to one of these notes from Jester to Sha and it just said “You are good at pints”. Never a truer word spoken…or written down.

The Kings do a cool thing where they break up pins with a senton, I dunno why thats noteworthy other than the fact I liked it personally but there ye go. It’s a fun and effective way to avoid losing a wrestling match. I also like this thing the Purge do thats like a sideslam, but Stevie James does a superkick at the same time. I suppose this is the wee things I like section eh. I also like how Jester flies sometimes now. Clearly inspired by Sha, who hit a fuckin Hurricanrana on Aspen Faith while Jester went up top and landed on the rest of the field with a big elbow. When he does that it’s no yer big floaty dive where the guy performing it barely touches the folk taking it, this is a cunt driving the point of his elbow into a team of folk with intentions to leave a Jesters elobow shaped dent in their eye socket.

They made their way back into the ring to end these shenanigans and do what they really came here to do. Crowdsurf. A spike tombstone piledriver they call “The Teamstone Pal-Driver” on Screwface got the job done and they crowdsurfed the night away while the kings looked understandably gutted on the ramp. They also kinda looked like they wanted to crowdsurf a wee bit, but mainly the gutted thing. no tag titles for them but there’s undoubtedly another title match down the line for them.

As for Sha and Jester? Keep being the most uplifting, fun thing on the show. Keep enthralling the masses with shiny jaikets and even shinier personalities. Shine the fuck on.

“Just Justice” Jackie Polo vs Lionheart

They still don’t fucking like each other do they. Perhaps not with the same ferocity as the hatred they had for each other 4 years ago, but it’s still there and its beautiful to watch that simmering disdain come to the forefront when you out them together. They bring the very best out in each other and in Jackie’s case at his very best he is the master of mind games. An expert pusher of buttons. Lionheart knows he’s having his buttons deliberately pushed at this stage but Jackie is too good at it for him to stop himself rising to it. Unfortunately for Lionheart, the big rematch didn’t happen. There would be no avenging of that loss from 4 years ago that cut him so deep and made him completely re-invent himself. No no. Not on this night. Because Lionheart would not be wrestling Jackie Polo. He would be the first opponent for the debuting “Just Justice” Jackie Polo. Or JJJP if yer into abbreviations. Aint he fuckin brilliant.

Even the stare down before they started beats most matches for intensity and entertainment value. Jackie with a few heidbutt feints, before they kicked things off by knocking the utter hell out each other. If you watched all the build up to their first match, then put this match on immediately, its perfection. It’s like all that dormant hatred had been reborn and there they were. Having it out the way they were always supposed to. By having the best match of the show.

Polo hit a scoop to break up the fisticuffs, only for Lionheart to spring up and slap the taste out Jackie’s gub. Oh right. So it’s that type of fight. Two guys getting as wide with each other as possible until one eventually out wido’s the other. Exactly what you want for yer Sunday night entertainment. Polo responded by sending Lionheart baws first into the ring post before launching him into the nearby barrier. Double sare yin. Polo continued to dominate and even made a rare trip to the top rope to hit a big double ae handle before following that with a knee off the apron. Well it would have been a rare foray up top for Jackie Polo anyway, but I hear JJJP has a beltin’ Shooting Star Press up his sleeve. You’ll never see it in a match because such a move would be uncouth, but its like Brock Lesnar’s Shooting Star Press in the sense that just knowing its in his arsenal is reward enough. Actually seeing it might just be too much.

Jackie focused on the neck before a clothesline took both men over the ropes. Lionheart reversed a piledriver attempt on the ramp into a Rock Bottom to turn it back in his favour but upon re-entering the ring he had a wee internal struggle. To scud him with the mallet, or not to scud him with the mallet. That is the question. That wee delay allowed Jackie to roll him up for a two count before Lionheart finally had the vindication he so craved. Even if this wasn’t the same guy he faced 4 years ago, JJJP’s striking similarities meant victory would be some kind of vindication regardless and it was surely in the bag after the big brogue kick was followed by the rock bottom, then the “Final Moment” frog splash, but it wasn’t the final moment. Somehow Jackie scraped his shoulder off the mat and on we went to the breathtaking conclusion of this fuckin stoater of a wrestling match.

Having chucked everything he had at Polo, Lionheart decided to go for a different tactic. Not one for making folk tap often, he stuck the sharpshooter on Polo anyway. As he writhed in agony, he scooped up the polo mallet Lionheart was so reticent to use and broke the hold with it. Busting Lionheart open. A bit of the blood got on Jackie’s singlet and since it had his face on it, it looked like singlet Jackie was busted open as well. Maybe singlet Jackie and real life Jackie are one and the same. Maybe JJJP is actually a vessel for Jackie Polo himself and the guy smiling on the singlet is in fact The King Of Chat. Trapped in a singlet forever. JJJP was undeterred by his bleeding singlet however, and got up to end this whole saga only for Hearto to floor him with a superkick. Some heavy jabs from both, Polo in particular, led to a 4 scoop salute from Jackie as he looked as fired up as he had been all match. Time to bring it the fuck home.

He went for the electric chair drop only for Lionheart to roll through it for a two count. Polo tried to put an end to it with mallet shot to the napper, but that was blocked and a rock bottom followed for another two. A mallet shot finally landed from Polo BUT THAT WAS ONLY TWO ANAW. How did they keep kicking out. Lionheart picked the mallet up and this time he wasn’t planning on missing. One thing about this feud that’s been consistent throughout the years is Polo being just that half step ahead. He knew the lure of that weapon would hit Lionheart again and he was ready for it. Hoisting him up for the electric chair drop to bring a superb bit of pro wrestling to an end.

There was no big gloating celebration from JJJP. He didn’t milk it. In fact he looked like a man who had done exactly what he expected to do. Lionheart on the other hand looked devastated. As if he believed so strongly that he would get the job done and he done absolutely everything in his power to do it, only to fall agonisingly short. They very much left the match going in opposite directions. Polo looking more convincing than ever and looking like he’s ready to charge up the card, whereas Lionheart looked lost. You had to ask yourself does another retirement loom? Well if it does, it shouldn’t. This was one of the best matches ICW have had. Certainly in recent memory but even all-time it has to be up there. If Lionheart can be one half of something that good, it shouldn’t be a retirement we’re expecting. It should be a re-match. One more time. Win and you finally know its possible to beat him. Lose? Who knows.

There’s absolutely no doubt that these two will be top guys in ICW going forward. Two of the standouts from their generation and two of the best performers this country has produced. That was inevitably gonnae mean they run into each other at some point. In a setting where both of them made their name. Albeit at different stages. Stevie’s ladder legacy started with ICW’s first ever ladder match as him and Davie battled for to become the first ever ICW tag team champions, while Kenny’s obsession with ladders started a bit later in his various pursuits of Zero-G gold but one thing is for certain. One thing is undoubtedly for true. That thing is that they undoubtedly know whit the fuck they’re daein in there, and this was going to be beltin’. If Kenny could seek some kind of solace going in to this with his career on the line is that remarkably Stevie hadn’t won a match since his Square Go win.

Being two of the quicker more agile guys on the roster, it lent itself well to a ladder match. Kenny kicked off the violence by seeming to come from completely out of shot to nail Stevie with a leaping forearm. As Stevie took over, Kay Lee Ray set up a ladder for him to stroll up and end this thing before anyone had chucked a karate chop in anger but Kenny’s career was on the line here. Nae way it was ever gonnae be that simple. Kenny looked as fired up as he’s been in a long time and was undeterred by the fact that Stevie brought hauners. Seemingly managing the looming threat of Kay Lee Ray well by chucking ladders in her direction every now and then, while producing some eye catching stuff in the ring. Hitting that mad sunset flip powerbomb thing called the Tequila Sunrise.

Stevie set up some kind of two ladder death sandwich situation. With the intention to kill Kennys chances of getting burds in the future by making a big ladder indent on his coupon. Dastardly stuff. Kenny stopped that plan in its tracks by launching Stevie into the ladder in the corner with a German suplex, the impact of which was doubled as Stevie was holding a ladder at the same time and for some reason didnae think letting go of it mid German suplex would be a good idea. Too busy hatching diabolical plans to force Kenny into this “Ladderface” gimmick he was so daft on. With a table set up precariously on the outside by Kay Lee, Stevie tried to put Kenny through only for Kenny to block and eventually be the one to hit Stevie with a spear through the ropes that caused Stevie to land on the table without breaking it. It made a horrendous noise when he hit it and the fact that it didn’t break after that noise would suggest that was a fucker of a dunt. By the end of the night I’m sure Stevie wasn’t fussed, but at the time it must have been a stingy bastard.

Kay Lee Ray climbed the ladder seemingly with the intention of daein the reverse Ellsworth and dropping the briefcase into Stevie’s arms but big Echo was at hand to stop any such shenanigans in their tracks. Usually big Echo is aw aboot shenanigans pal. One time I heard he had 8 beers or more! In the same night! but this wasn’t the time for shenanigans. It was time for helping his besto save his job. The Kings of Catch got involved at that stage but Echo took the whole filthy lot of them out with a big dive over the top. Maybe what happened next is why Kenny eventually flipped, because his well-meaning big pal hoisted Kenny on to his shoulders to grab the briefcase. Obviously under some kind of illusion he’s 8 feet tall, because Kenny was naewhere near it and the Kings Of Catch broke it up before ushering big Echo to the back leaving it one(plus one, cause Kay Lee was still about) on one.

Stevie set up another deathly two ladder contraption with the intention to hit a destoryer from the bigger ladder on to the smaller one set up in the corner. Kenny dodged it before hitting that spear on to the table and that might have been that if he climbed up the other side of the ladder. First Echo’ shoulders, then the wrang side of the ladder. Now’s not the time to be dreaming up new and exciting ways to win ladder matches mate. Climb up the right side and you could end this night the ICW Champion. Kay Lee climbed up the other side giving Stevie the chance to recover and climb up to battle with Kenny, smacking his head off the top of the ladder causing Kenny to watch his ICW career slowly slip away as he fell from the big ladder on to the smaller one still set up in the corner, leaving Stevie to scoop up his briefcase and send Kenny Williams to the same place his auld pal Christopher went to all those years ago. Team CK re-united somewhere in wrestling purgatory. The dream.

As Stevie disappeared, completely content with his night’s work with no intention of engaging in anything else strenuous for at least 40-45 minutes, Kenny was left to ponder what might have been. His ICW career was littered with brilliant moments. Undoubtedly the all-time best in the Zero-G division (Mark Coffey will give him a run for his money there but for now anyway) for me. He became synonymous with “The Power Of Love” and gave fans (the live crowd anyway, his regular music was dubbed in for on demand) a wee taste of that rousing entrance for this match. Just in case it was his last. Aaron Echo came out to console his pal and stood by as he said his final words as an ICW wrestler. He spoke about how much he valued his big pal, but he wasn’t the pal he needed right now. For a brief moment I thought Noam Dar was gonnae come out and all Kenny meant was that Noam gives better cuddles, but he scudded his poor big mate right in the baws, and floored him with a mic shot to the melt before revealing the pal he needed was Rudo. Signing on the dotted line with Red and his team of heavies much like Grado had done a year earlier when he leathered Sha and joined Rudo.

Big Echo was left heart sick as he rolled about in agony while Red Lightning cut a promo about how he was assembling another army. I don’t know if Kenny “leaving” is because of what’s came to light this week (If you dont know, I’ll put it this way….theres 205 reasons to watch all of WWE’s programming this week….know what I mean??? Naw?? aw ffs, just watch 205 Live) and he will maybe be dipping in and out a bit more but this is such a positive thing for him and Aaron Echo. Kenny Williams is one of the most polished performers in the UK, and displaying an ability to be a bit of a wee cunt will do great things for him. It opens him up to all sorts of possibilities in the future, starting with a feud with big Echo to get the big man where he needs to be. This is a new era. A time to build new stars. Aaron Echo is potentially one of those stars and a series of stoaters with his newly evil best pal is a fine way to get him the opportunities his talent warrants.

James Storm and Ravie Davie vs Iestyn Rees and Bram w/Red Lightning

Ah Ravie Davie. Its a fuckin shame so it is. One minute you’re happy as Larry. Could not be happier. Got a tidy wee Irish burd on the go who loves tannin’ cans and chain smoking 20 decks, about to become his wife who loves tannin’ cans and chain smoking 20 decks. Making a name in singles wrestling AND getting opportunities as a tag team with your cousin. A beloved character in the wrestling company he dreamed of just getting some kind of recognition in. It was all going swimmingly for Ravie Davie. Then Red Lightning decided to form an army basically dedicated to ruining his life. At the very least his eye sockets anyway.

The burd is long gone. Taking the role as Bram’s main squeeze, as the pair combined to tip a Davie off a ladder as he saw his Hydro dreams turn into nightmares. No matter if its singles, tag, or taking a leisurely stroll doon the street, some kind of big bastardin unit of a cunt somehow finds him and knocks his cunt in. His whole world was crumbling before his very eyes, but then hauners arrived. A cowboy rolled into the barras to save the day and for one night only, outlaw and king of the scheme weans would combine to put these Rudo boays in their place. Well that was the idea anyway. As the auld saying disnae go, its all fun and games till James Storm cracks the side of yer napper with a beer bottle and spits on the boss.

It all started so well for intercontinental criminals. Davie coming out all guns blazing with all sorts of mad moonsaults and blockbusters. Iestyn and Bram are some statue looking big bastards though, and quickly took the match over after Bram blocked Davie’s moonsault with the double knees to the midriff. Wearing Davie down until he eventually got that roastin hot tag in to his future nemesis. Eh cowboy. Once they got a foothold in it, Davie and Storm actually worked well together. All part of the ruse for Storm I bet. Working out some slick double team stuff with Davie to throw him aff the “about tae get bottled a belter” scent. A wee backstabber from storm into a double stomp from Davie was particularly eye catching and they looked all set to win it all before Red got involved.

He hit Davie with a chair before Iestyn nearly speared him into another stratosphere for a two count. Storm continued the ruse by tossing Iestyn out only for Bram to clean him out with a popup powerbomb leaving just him and Davie to battle it out. It always seems to end up this way. Bram piling on the misery, one skull shattering piledriver at a time. Davie blocked the piledriver in one last act of heroism with a low blow. Making sure there’s nae chance of a Bram Jr popping up to avenge the death of his fathers baws. He unloaded on some revenge punches to the eye socket only for Red to break it up. Davie finally had enough and grabbed Red by the collar with some bad intentions my man. Real sinister stuff. With Red in hand, Davie presented him to James Storm to finish the job. Beer bottle to skull. Knock all the genius clean out and end Rudo’s reign of terrific pattrt for good. The odd couple overcome the odds to grab the win. A heartwarming tale really.

Then it happened, and fuck knows why it was surprising really. Outlaws aren’t good guys. Outlaws don’t get on well with authority figures. Outlaws bottle cunts for seemingly no reason. Outlaws feel nae need to explain their heinous actions. They scoop up the loot and its on to the next cunt daft enough to put their trust in him. Storm bottled Davie, Bram got the pin and that was that. Even Zander got a doing for daring to try to help his cousin before Storm dragged Davie back in to scud him over the heid with another bottle of beer followed by a superkick for good measure. Dallas appeared, obviously raging at the waste of beer, screaming at Storm for no recycling they bottles, which seemed to ramp Storms rage up a few notches, causing him to spit on a guy fae Glesga. Not a smart move ma man. Outlaw or no.

Must admit when James Storm was announced for ICW I never seen it being a long term affiliation but on this evidence it potentially could be very good. The aggression that came seeping out him after the initial beer bottle smash, and then the attacks on Zander and Davie that followed was some old school James Storm. Him at his best. If that’s what he’s bringing to the table then there’s good shit for him in ICW. Spitting on Dallas is some gallus behaviour. That’s like a hate crime where he’s fae. In fact it is pretty much everywhere in Scotland. My pal accidentally spat on me in primary school once and I send him a lollipop stick wae a big dug shite on it once a year as retribution. Spitting on folk is not on.

Viper(c) vs Kasey – ICW Women’s Title Match

This one’s had as much praise as some of the other matches on the show but this was definitely one of the best matches on the night, and one of the best Women’s Title matches the company has had to date if ye ask me. Viper’s been charging roon the globe hoovering up any belt she gets within sniffing distance of, and while she’s been doing that Kasey has been carving out a reputation for bringing the noise on the big shows here. A win over Viper in Edinburgh last year definitely helped her along the way and that match was a belter as well. She can now call herself a two time ICW Women’s Champion and the winner of the first ever women’s cage match the company held. Hard fuckin work from both to get them to this point and they continue to solidify that hard work by killing it on the big shows.

They kicked it off in high gear with Viper hitting an incredibly sare looking overhead belly to belly on the ramp. More matches should start with overhead belly to belly suplexes on hard surfaces. She set Kasey up against a barrier for a Cannonball but Kasey smartly dodged that. Probably anticipating its heavy sareness. Her attempted kick on the apron was blocked and she was swept face first on the apron. Embedding 3 or 4 teeth in what’s widely known in the biz/world as the hardest part of the ring. Ouch.

A powerbomb attempt was rolled into a two count of Kasey before she nailed a springboard crossbody before they flew into jabbing fuck out each other. It was intense and competitive from the start and I dunno why more folk aren’t talking about the quality of this match. Another belly to belly sent Kasey to the corner for a cannonball before she responded by launching aw sorts of knees at viper. Double, single, hauf…any way a knee can be launched in the direction of another human it happened. Somehow Kasey managed to kickout of a powerbomb off the top followed by the Viper driver and spurred on by her own resilience, she found it in herself to nail Viper with The Killing Joke but that didn’t get it done either.

It would take another trip to the skies to finally put Kaseys bid for a third ICW Title away. Viper catching her before hitting a stoater of a Viper Driver off the top to bring an excellent match to an end. Fair play to Kasey for making herself such a solid fixture when it comes to shows like this. She continues to improve and show why she belongs in the company of globe-trotting stars like Kay Lee Ray and Viper and its only a matter of time before she ends up seeing similar opportunities come her way. As for Viper, sky is the limit right now. Impressive everywhere. Uniquely talented. Believable in any match against any living human being. A fine representative of both ICW and the country. Keep scooping up belts tae ye need a bigger hoose just so you’ve got somewhere to put them.

BT Gunn(c) vs Mikey Whiplash – Death Match For The ICW Championship

Everybody dies. Everybody involved in wrestling probably loves it on some level. By that logic, wouldn’t a death match be the perfect way to go? Even those who have an aversion to this style of wrestling, surely when it comes time take the long sleep, a proper literal death match would be the way to go? Clearly both Mikey Whiplash and BT Gunn had decided this was their time, and this death match wasn’t some gimmick. It was a pair of certifiably insane guys 100% trying to kill each other for real. A fascinatingly brutal thing to watch with a jaw dropping finish. Although it really shouldn’t have been if you’ve paid attention. It should have been exactly what we were expecting. The ultimate heist.

They eased us gently into the more harrowing stuff with some good old-fashioned strikes early on, before Whiplash kicked off the more brutal stuff with a death valley driver on some chairs set up in a way that kinda looked like how you’d position two chairs if you wanted to pretend they were shaggin. Even the stuff that might not necessarily leave permanent scars looked fucking brutal. A backdrop on the apron (hardest part of the ring don’t ye know) looked extremely painful, but what followed soon after will stay with me for a long long time. There was a wooden frame on the outside, only instead of the frame housing a nice painting, it housed barbed wire. Instead of that painting being on a nice canvas, it was barbed wire on top of more barbed wire. As BT Gunn set up a cluster of cinderblocks with Whiplash set up on the top rope, Whiplash decided blocking that would be a good idea. A wise move, but when the alternative is being launched into a barbed wire spiderweb it’s very much a no win situation yer in there. Honestly when he landed on it, it felt like it had formed an instant bond with his back and that would be his life now. Half man, half barbed wire. As it would turn out, that somehow wouldn’t be the most painful thing to happen to his back in this match. Fuckin…….somehow. A barbed wire spider web and they topped it. How.

BT then took to wrapping barbed wire round his leg and kicking Whiplash with it. As much as Whiplash wanted to bring this side of BT out, im sure that idea changes a wee bit when bringing that side of BT out means him trying to make you bleed to death via about 5 million tiny wee barbed wire induced puncture wounds. He then locked in a Texas Cloverleaf only for Aivil to come to Whiplash’s aid as she hit a bulldog on top of the aforementioned cinderblocks. Ye didnae think the cinderblocks weren’t getting burst at some point did ye? Come on now. Behave. That was the moment it turned in Whiplash’s favour and it really turned in his favour when he hit back to back piledrivers off the apron through tables. Aye…he done that twice. So if your opponent being clinically dead marks a wrestling match turning in someones favour, this was very much…that.

Such was the severity of the punishment these two had taken, it was like a lightbulb went off. Like everyone in the audience felt it at once. This could be it. Two men bawhairs from death. One of them the ICW World Heavyweight Champion. In a ring. With a ref. If ever there was a fullproof cash in plan, this was it. BT Gunn was set up beneath a ladder, covered in thumbtacks, ready for death because somehow the apron piledrivers didn’t do it, only to spring up and hit the Gunnshot off the ladder on the thumbtacks. Both men crestfallen. Gubbed. Then the music hit. The sirens. That bassline. It was happening. Stevie’s had arrived to steal the moment, and the ICW World Title.

The king of insanity was here to take his place at the mountaintop, and he came team handed. Kay Lee Raid laid Aivil out with a superkick and The Kings Of Catch provided additional hauners as Stevie strolled in to the Barrowlands to turn a dream in to reality, even if the way it happened was the stuff of nightmares. It was like he was in the pictures watching a stoater of a horror and decided to jump in and re-write the ending. Watching these two tear each other apart in all sorts of inventive ways only to swoop in at the last moment and stab them both in the neck and watch them bleed out. That actually isn’t as far away from how it actually happened as you’d maybe think.

BT Gunn has never saw anyone kick out of the Technodrome DDT. When he does that move, titles stay round his waist. In what was almost an act of desperation he nailed Stevie with it but he got the shoulder up. Whiplash swooped in with the Zombie Maker before setting up the newest sinister room in this figurative house of horrors. Fuckin hell, no another glass panel. The one Whiplash put Jimmy Havoc through a few weeks earlier still haunts my dreams. That noise. Like the first bit of Stone Cold’s theme except instead of summoning an angry bald Texan it sends a goth from London to the hospital. This time it would be Whiplash going to hospital. Quite literally as BT Gunn powerbombed him through the glass, only for Stevie to dump BT out and swoop in for the pin and become the NEW ICW CHAMPION.

That last bit wasn’t hyperbole at all. Mikey Whiplash genuinely needed an operation after this match and is out of action for a while. Even if death matches aren’t your thing, the level of commitment to entertaining you and I that comes with being willing to do that has to be hugely respected. BT Gunn and Mikey Whiplash went all out to fucking very near kill each other and it was all to facilitate someone elses moment. The ultimate act of wrestling selflessness because at the end it wasn’t about them.. BT Gunn didn’t even get the big mutual respect handshake to commemorate his excellent reign as champion. He was mugged and it was perfect. Neither he nor Whiplash got to raise that shiny belt as reward for their labour.

Instead it was the endlessly wily Stevie, and by fuck was it richly deserved. In my 5+ years going to shows, no one has improved more than Stevie and he now leads the most influential stable in ICW as the motherfucking ICW World Heavyweight Champion. Sometimes life rewards the good cunts for their graft, and the look of pure joy on Kay Lee’s face when he climbed the ropes and raised the title was just lovely. A beautiful end to the violent tapestry that was the main event. Anyone not on the Stevie train, get to the next show and you’ll see what kind of champion this man will be. More than fit to lead this company into and new and exciting era.

Big thank you to David J.Wilson for the wonderful photos of per usual. He is a hero and everyone reading this should appreciate him a very great deal

The Square Go wasn’t in Glasgow last year which is a mad thing when ye think about it. Akin to having a street fight that never leaves the arena, or a falls count anywhere match where the finish happens in the ring, or having a Texas Bull-Rope match that isn’t in Texas and involves a rope that has never touched a bull. Ye know what, maybe its not that mad actually. People from Newcastle are a lot like us and probably are at least aware of what a Square Go actually is even if they might sound a bit daft saying the words. Point is, we were back in Glasgow this year and as great as the show was last year, I dunno. It just felt right. This isnae some American sport where someone can buy a team and move them wherever they want for the fuck of it, this is Glasgow and the Square Go belongs to Glasgow.

While it was a very good show in general the thing I found most enjoyable about it was how it shaped the future and planted so many seeds for what’s to come this year. A lot of talented folk are heading for some big time stuff and that’s just good for the soul is it not? Are we not all fans of this to see talented people succeed? Well, that and complaining. But its one of the top two reasons.

James Storm vs Jack Jester (Winner Faces The ICW Champion At Fight Club Taping The Following Night)

Upon entering the venue a wee bit late, I was greeted with Jack Jester’s music and in turn the front of my jeans was greeted with a stauner. Not a full on rager cause I’d had a few beers by this point and it was awfy cold in the queue, but man alive, yer a lying bastard if you can tell me Jester’s music doesn’t get the juices flowing in yer doonstairs no matter what way your sexual pendulum swings. If there’s some kind of award for entrance music suiting the wrestler down to a fuckin tee, this wrestler and tune combo is taking that award home and probably sticking in some orifice of some kind. Dirty shaggin masquerading as entrance music doesn’t get the job done in the ring right enough (unless “the ring” is what your calling the aforementioned orifice). Especially when you’re getting in amongst it with a legit TNA legend and bad motherfucker in ol Jimmy Storm.

James Storm is the kind of ‘import’ who automatically connects with ICW for the pure and simple reason that he likes a fuckin’ fight. A wee bit that night at The Garage Hardcore Holly turned up and chopped the living shite out of Renfrew. There’s no pretence. He’s a mad beer tanning cowboy who will stab you with the sharp end of a broken beer bottle (ye see the joke there is….both ends would be…ach you get it) and use the other end to pick bits of his dinner out his teeth, and if you don’t like it, that’s your choice. He’s not going to be anything else. Ever.

Before it became a dirty bar room brawl they did wrestle about a bit. Jester clearly spurred on by getting his face right in amongst that mad strippers diddies at the start, he was busting out hiptosses and allsorts but that patter was never going to last. They were there to drink beer and throw each other into stuff and after a brief trip to the bar, where Jester called a halt to proceedings to order them a round, they tanned them quickly and suddenly the beer was all finished. All that was left to do was scrap as if the dirtiest lassie in the place was on the line and the only way to win her affections was to bring your opponents full set of front teeth to her. Preferably with the jaw still attached. After a suple on the steel ramp, Jester emerged with that big studded dildo that seems to get an inch bigger every time ye see it. A grower not a shower as they say, although he did show it to James Storm’s napper with no hesitation making it (probably) the first time in his long and illustrious career that he’s been skelped between the eyes with a big shiny dildo.

They knackered some poor guy’s crutches as they smashed each other in the crowd. Storm in particular going to town with what I have to admit was a heavy stylish crutch. As crutches go, this one was a sleek all black belter of a thing. Perfect to aid walking and perfect to aid its user in getting good lookin folk to touch their fun parts. Storm sent Jester heid first into a chair as they got back to the ring, before busting out all sorts of slick wrestling, ending in a gorgeous pouncing neckbreaker. Storm was showing everyone who might have doubted hi that he’s not done and he wasn’t showing up in ICW for a wee payday and a good time. He was there to make an impression, and what a mighty fine one he did. Ending an entertaining bit of hardcore fun with an Airplane Spin through a table to pin Jester and earn an ICW Undisputed Title shot the following night.

Jester has very much wanted that title back ever since Drew Galloway ripped it from his grasp over three years ago so any opportunity to do that is a big deal. This wasn’t a wee bit of fun with a game as fuck “import”, this was a chance to get back to where he wants to be in ICW and in turn, wrestling in general. So when big Sha came out to console his Kinky brother and caught Jester by surprise, its nae big shock that he reacted…shall we say adversely. Mistakenly shoving Sha to the ground before they made their way to the back mid argument. Who knows where that one’s leading eh? A wait and see job if there ever was one. Storm rounded it off with an emotive promo telling the crowd he loved them, and that he still loves professional wrestling. Seemed to indicate he’ll be around for more than just the title match that was due to happen the next night.

Kasey (c) vs Martina – ICW Women’s Title Match

Martina is one of the most talked about wrestlers in the UK. Her character and style is unique and people either love it (most human people) or hate it (some very very lonely people who have never concealed a condom anywhere on their person or felt the pure joy that comes with possessing a bag of cans, in there clattering aboot, getting acclimated with each other before they join forces once again in yer body later on) but everyone has something to say about it. Everywhere else Martina is pure joy and if you don’t like it, she’ll probably ignore you, continue to tan cans and dance about like someone slipped a fistful of eccies in her cheerios. When she turned in to “Bad Moth” as part of Fear and Loathing X at The Hydro, turning on Ravie Davie and joining forces with Bram, it was bold. Both from the company and Martina herself. On the evidence of this match, the bold move has paid off. A wee bit like Sami Zayn since he turned into a baddie in WWE, she almost plays an embittered version of her usual character. The hallmarks are still there. There’s still a can, that can is still accompanied by dancing, but in true villainous fashion the can was a LIGHT BEER and the dancing was SUBDUED to the say the least. The crowd was aghast at the transformation as Martina The Moody Moth took to the ring to go after Kasey’s title.

Felt for Kasey because a big part of this match being really fucking good was her being a tremendous wrestler and really bringing the very best out of Martina in the ring. Kasey is brilliant and if ICW done awards this year, she would undoubtedly be a massive shout for breakout star. It was a shame to see her second reign end so soon, and hopefully it’s not her last. Folk who think her character means Martina’s a shite wrestler are the same insufferable dafties who think the same about Grado. A wee Japanese Arm Drag took the crowd and Kasey by surprise as Martina took full advantage of being a right baddie to bust out some slick wrestling. Everything Kasey done was predictably flawless as she strung together a back elbow, a dropkick then a crossbody from the top rope to take control of the match but Martina nearly had it won when she drove both knees into Kasey’s chest followed by a Triangle Choke.

Kasey battled out of it before hitting the running knee she calls “The Killing Joke” to seemingly bring it to an end but it’s not that simple when Rudo’s about is it. Red Lightning rose up from his commentary position like a majestic meddling pheonix to pull referee Sean McLaughlin out the ring just long enough for Iestyn Rees to enter the ring and literally hauf Kasey in two with a spear. So brutal even if she did manage to retain the belt it would have been hard to fasten it with the champion’s waist no longer attached the rest of her body but Martina covered her after that and become ICW Women’s Champion.

Red then held Kasey in position so Martin could clatter her with the belt, followed by a tombstone. Step one in Rudo’s new axis of evil’s attempt to take over. One night. Martina wins the Women’s Title. Bram wins the Undisputed. Iestyn wins the Square Go, and him and Bram pass the title about like a joint at a hoose party, both becoming 150 time ICW Champions with Red refereeing every match with that smug smile on his coupon as the feverishly raging paying audience are kept at bay by a pack of rabid German Shepherds wearing bandana’s that say “Rudo 4 lyf” on them. Point is, good match so it was. Just a wee defence against Viper to kick Martina’s reign off 24 hours later. Nice easy one to kick it off 😉

Below is a picture of said belt shot, which happened at the very same time as Red Lightning trying to heider an invisible bee

I dunno what this says about me as a person or indeed a wrestling fan but in amongst a very good wrestling show The Wee Man referring to The Purge as “Biker Mice From Largs” was one of my favourite moments of the whole thing. No word of a lie, when The Wee Man first turned villain his promo’s used to grate on me a bit. There’s only so many times you can hear someone talk about all the sweaty virgins in attendance before you look at the sweaty virgin you are deep down inside and you look at that sweaty virgin with great shame. Scornfully judging all the moments where you have indeed been heavy sweaty and not giving a lady the business. Since Davey Blaze and DCT feuded last year however, Wee Man has found a cracking balance between being a fucking out and out bad bastard and also a heavy funny bastard at the same time. Even still when he stoated out at the last Fight Club taping and held Rampage Brown and Asthon Smith up as his newest clients a sceptical brow was raised. Would it work? and if it was gonnae, how? What could a guy like Wee Man add to a team like that to make them MORE frightening and the answer is simply this. Patter. Excellent patter.

The in ring stuff they have absolutely locked down so really all they’ve ever been missing is a liberal helping of gid patter. The Purge did offer decent resistance for the most part and had certainly earned the big match on the big show but they were never taking the titles. Not after Rampage and Asthon had won them so decisively just a few weeks earlier against the team who had made the tag divison their own over the previous 3 years. They did catch Rampage and Ashton cold early on when Stevie James floored them with a suicide dive before they made the smart decision to isolate Ashton as Rampage licked his wounds on the outside. A tranquilizer dart and big fucker of a fishing net was probably what was actually required to keep him out of the equation for longer than a couple of minutes but their gameplan was smart. Keep the guy who fully kills folk with his piledriver as a deadly weapon out of the equation and see what happens.

It was very much a 4 man scrap rather than your traditional tag match which suited the folk involved as both teams got a power of double team stuff in a short amount of time. The Purge with a nice wee combo where Stevie superkicks the opponent in the calf followed by a DDT from Krobar but nothing any tag team can do will ever be as effective as Ashton Smith picking the opponent up and placing him on Rampage’s shoulder as the big man waits on the middle rope ready to murder. A devastating powerslam off the middle rope got the job done. Rampage and Asthton had retained. At this rate you’ll need a firing squad to prize the belts off them. A firing squad who manage to successfully avoid making eye contact with Rampage because rumour has it that if you look directly into his eyes, he can actually piledriver ye with the power of thought alone.

A hugely impressive team and The Wee Man adds that wee bit of swagger on the mic that might have been the only tool they didn’t previously have at their disposal so these two will be extremely difficult to stop. I mean, there’s nae denying Biker Mice From Largs is some of the finest patter ever dropped in an ICW ring. It was about 9 days ago now and its still raising a chuckle. Always wanted Rampage to have a full time role at ICW and if this is the gig that gets it done, long may it continue. A tremendous talent and a guy who just suits being a champion. The Purge will come again but this was never their night. Any team who can beat what is arguably the most decorated tag team in ICW history in about 3 minutes are a team that are staying at the top for a while. Especially if one of them needs to carry a license for his piledriver because its considered to be a deadly weapon.

BT Gunn (c) vs Bram – ICW Undisputed Title Match

No matter what you think of Bram as a human man a fact that has become hugely apparent in ICW of late is that hes a very good professional wrestler. One of the best villains in the world if ye ask me (wait, whit ye mean ye didnae ask? Rude) A lot of that comes from people genuinely hating him but that’s what wrestling is. A fantasy land driven by real emotions. So real hate is a very powerful thing to have on your side as a villain and Bram uses it wonderfully, usually to the benefit of his opponent more than him. BT Gunn was the perfect opponent to fire all sorts of crowd pleasing offence at the wall of bearded evil that was his foe for the night and the end result was a brilliant title match, as is tradition at the Square Go. It’s strange that a night where the title match isn’t supposed to be the main event is the night you are almost guaranteed a classic match with the shiny belt on the line. After an early piledriver attempt was reversed into a slick roll-up, Bram suddenly hit a big senton to the outside. A proper you have to see it to believe it moment, but as David J Wilsons wonderful work above shows us, we did indeed have a flying Bram.

That senton led to Bram taking chairs from the people sitting at ringside and tossing them on top of BT, although being the embodiment of all that is evil, he only took chair’s from people who looked like they might have some kind of disability, or at bestfolk who just had a bit of a stiff back from the day’s exertions. It’s the subtle touches that really makes you a proper baddie. Folk want to focus on the high-profile stuff, the destruction of Ravie Davie’s eye socket and all that jazz, but snatching a chair from someone with a bit of a sare knee is that underrated badness that really makes a villain. You could technically have cried it a TLC match early on as all 4 things (tables, ladder, chairs and healthy supply of moxy) required to make that a thing were involved. Bram set a ladder up with murder in mind only for BT to powerbomb him off the ladder through a table with merch on it causing an immediate 200% mark up on said merch cause it had been powerbombed on. Thats some shit ye could sell for a healthy profit on Ebay right there. BT then decided going up on the wee ledge bit Wolfgang once chucked him off was a good idea because the man clearly has a death wish. He fought so hard to become ICW Champion for a third time that he is literally willing to leap to his untimely death to keep a hold of it. He actually only caught Bram a wee bit with a big running cross body but the fear it installed in Bram will live with the man forever. Sitting up at night. Rocking back and forth. Crying uncontrollably as he recalls a human flying towards him at full speed as if it were a Bram seeking missile. Scary shit.

It’s almost as if Bram felt this platform was perfect for showing people who say he’s a shite wrestler exactly how wrong they are. He was outstanding from start to finish in this one. Chasing a piledriver, with a buckle bomb then a wee pop-up powerbomb for good measure but when that didn’t get the job done BT suddenly looked like he’d retained when he nailed the Technodrome DDT out of nowhere. A move that his become synonymous with BT Gunn winning big matches. That was surely that if Red Lightning hadn’t managed to take a break from chatting about how majestic Bram’s new gear was on commentary to once again pull the ref out the ring, as Iestyn Rees appeared with emphatic hauners once more, spearing BT Gunn in half. Inexplicably the mad bastard kicked out. With the option of timely Rudo hauners removed after the referee’s committee held an impromptu meeting (nae minutes were taken, so that tells ye just how under-prepared the boays were for this yin but sometimes needs must) and decided both Red and Iestyn must vanish from ringside. Even with the score levelled, BT could only manage a 2 after the Gunnshot and a sexy brainbuster, and Bram once again took over. Doing that thing he does where he dishes out piledrivers until the recipient either can’t get married or ye know….dies.

A run of the mill skull splitter of a piledriver was followed by the very same move on to a chair to surely seal the title and give ICW a champion that could cause riots for the first time since Rudo himself held the belt and made making fans want to fight him in to some kind of sport, but Bram got cocky and decided to lord it over BT which is never a wise move. He grabbed both titles and hoisted them skyward while he placed one foot on BT for the pin, but BT quickly rolled his man up for the 3 count and made a swift exit STILL your Undisputed Champion.

BT chucked the middle fingers up in defiance as Bram lost the plot in the ring. Having an absolute ragey. He was rightly irate with himself because until that moment he’d played the match almost perfectly but never assume you’ve got BT Gunn beat. You could set that man on fire and put the fire out with auld Fila gutties and he’d somehow emerge without a mark on him. He lives a charmed life and if you’re judging him on belts accumulated it seems to be working out not too shabbily at all. Man’s got mare gold than Mr T’s neck these days. He now had the luury of being able to sit back and watch The Square Go unfold to find out who the next contender might be.

The 2018 Square Go Match

The Square Go is always brilliant fun but this year everything felt like it mattered. As well as ending the night with a clear view on how the title picture is shaping up, it planted numerous seeds for quality future stuff and perhaps gave a few feuds their final chapters at the same time. Entrant number one was revealed to be Chris Renfrew quickly followed by entrant number two, his nemesis Mikey Whiplash with the kendo stick that should really trigger some severe PTSD in both men when they both see it. They’ve nearly killed each other and countless other tortured souls with that fucking thing and Whiplash quickly had huge kendo shaped indents in his back at the Square Go kicked off with….well, a square go eh. Along with planting a lot of future seeds, this Square Go was also a right good fuckin scrap at times. A very square-go-ey Square Go you could call it. Renfrew and Whiplash chucked each other about every corner of the building before entrant number three Lewis Girvan appeared, deciding to bodyswerve the two guys trying to murder each other in favour of waiting to see who number four might be. To his delight he heard that glorious Filthy Generation tune boom through the building once again as he was joined by his stable mate, but which one was it to be? Only his tag partner and BFF Aspen Faith.

They shook hands and seemed to be agreeing to fight for some ridiculous reason only to reveal their ruse as they ran the ropes a bit, avoiding harming each other at all costs, before breaking up all the wrestling with a hearty big hug between pals. Just pals being pals really. It would harm yer heart unless you happened to be their opponents in a wrestling match. Whiplash and Renfrew managed to put their mutual desire to attend the other’s funeral to one side long enough to actually team up and offer some resistance but then it was time for entrant number 5, that music again. A treat for everyone in attendance because they got to hear a bonafide tune three times in the space of 10 minutes but bad news for Whiplash and Renfrew. With both Kings in the ring, it had to be Stevie. An earlier number than he would have liked but a chance to strategize with his team and get the gameplan going. Unless…..

Kay Lee ‘fuckin Ray. For some reason I was under the impression she was still in Japan for this show but when the wee graphic turned red after the music hit, we knew it wasn’t time for Stevie yet. It was time for someone equally dangerous. Perhaps even more so because she came with a pair of leather straps and already had two pals in the ring. Whiplash and Renfrew offered some resistance before the Filthy trio stomped them down and Kay Lee whipped them like they each owed her upwards of a score and they’d been duckin her for a while, instead spending their money on fake moustaches and other disguises to avoid her meeting their gaze in the street. Imagine Kay Lee Ray actually ran a money lending service and came to collect with a leather strap in hand, you’d gie her everything ye owe, plus interest, plus everything else you own and maybe some stuff other people own. Enough stuff to get her to back the fuck aff.

The Filthy Generation missed a trick when there was three of them and two others. They had the numbers and could have tossed Whiplash and Renfrew out. Giving them a three on one advantage against whoever entered from then on. Tossing them out at will until Stevie Boy entered to make it a full on party. The minute and a half flew by in a heartbeat however, with Jokey levelling the playing field a bit and almost tossing Kay Lee out. Suddenly number six was upon us. With Jack Jesters big studded dildo, it was none other than his Kinky bredren Sha Samuels. Sha refused to touch the dildo, even though it was statistically the most effective weapon ever seen in the match based on the amount of bodies it had done damage to in the past. I’m not sure if he feared it or feared what he might catch from it but he held it about 100 feet from his body with his scarf before tossing it aside. Bounding into the ring dishing out mad jabs on his opponents instead of shuddering orgasms. Sha was there to win a Square Go mate, not the MVP at an orgy.

It wouldn’t be a Square Go without a liberal spattering of hilarity as entrant number 7 was revealed to be Kez Evans. As good a young wrestler as he is, he was the odd one out. A rookie in a sea of somedys. He knew if he was to last any longer than time it took to make his entrance he needed to form an alliance with someone but everyone he tried either laughed in his face or told him to get fucked before all 6 had a shot at tannin the poor boy’s jaw before allowing Sha to toss him out. Maybe next year mate eh.

Next to enter the fray was Kid Fite flanked by Krieger and Lou King Sharp who surprisingly weren’t actually entered in the match. I enjoy that they just don’t give a fuck. ICW is meant to be nae DQ all the time so why not just charge in team handed all the time? Who’s stopping it? Jack Tunney? He’s deid mate. They made a beeline for Sha before Kenny Williams became entrant number 9 and provided timely hauners to his big pal. A lot of potential winners in amongst it early meant elimination were scarce for the first part. Instead wee pockets of folk were peeling off and battering each other all over the place before we came to the big guy section of the whole affair. That’s not to detract from the big bastards already involved in the match but this was the proper gigantic, wake up in the morning and high-five god cause yer up there anyway, type of big guy section. Kicked off with Wolfgang at number 10, who had been in the final two of both of the last two Square Go’s and holds the most eliminations in the 7 year history of the match. He came face to face with Kid Fite again before picking Lou King Sharp up and launching him into the crowd. As brutal as that sounds it was actually quite merciful because at first he was going to chuck him at the opposite side where only big Krieger was present to stop oor Lou from suffering from an acute case of deidness. The Purge emerged to eliminate Lou and Krieger from the equation, before next in the procession of giant dudes emerged. A wee surprise entrance at number 11. MOOSE.

Moose is a big fucking dude. Proper huge. Remarkably athletic for a guy who must be a bawhair off 8 feet tall. Put it this way, big Tor is being billed as this Swedish wrecking machine who eats “enhancement talent” for breakfast and shits oot nuhin but their broken dreams and probably their kneepads as I doubt the human body can actually consume such things. Look at that photo above. Big Moose is actually very slightly taller than the tree wae a beard. He squared up to Wolfgang looking for a battle of the big hoss’s only for the pair to instead focus their energies on the Kings Of Catch. Setting both members up in opposite corners in the tree of woe position before taking turns to run at the full pelt with splashes, elbows, forearms and all that sare stuff. The big man section had a brief intermission for both Wild Boar and Mike Bird to enter, with a slice of Jordan Devlin in the middle. A wee Celtic sandwich we’ll call it. Bird decided if Sha wasn’t using it he would bring the big shiny dildo into the equation and upon seeing it Sha got what can only be described as some kind of flashback. As if he had fought some kind of war alongside this dildo and the memories were just….just……too much man. A distracted Sha became just the second guy to be eliminated and him and when Jester came out to console his big besto, Sha was not for it. Listen troops, less of this falling out patter awrite. You’s are the joyous odd couple. Joyous odd couples don’t bicker. They get a big disney prince in a kilt to re-unite them and eventually live happily ever after with a pair of tag belts they’ve somehow customised to make them dispense beer. Or in Jester’s case, probably lube.

Bird and Boar’s joy was short lived when Iestyn Rees entered next as we resumed the heavy massive guy section of this year’s Square Go. Although he did help Bird and Boar set about The Kings Of Catch, before eliminating them by throwing Kay Lee Ray at them. I’m no sure if that officially counts as eliminations for Iestyn or Kay Lee gets the credit. Although in Kay Lee’s case “credit” for something like that is a wee bit like being credited for an OG in fitba. Naecunt wants that credit. If those two eliminations weren’t Iestyn’s, the next two were as he tossed Bird and Boar out. Bringing their alliance to an official end it would seem as Iestyn plans for a future under Rudo where he’ll shine brighter than his own heavily oiled midriff.

Tor Atterhagen was next and for some reason while everyone else played dead, it was Kid Fite who decided to square up to what can only be described as a sentient Swedish fridge freezer, before the big man tossed him out. Quite enjoyed Kid Fite pretending that he wanted back in, as if anyone would ever come back for a second go at that big bastard but Fito is a true Glasgow boy and he at least needs to appear as if he wants to fight the big bully before deciding it just isn’t worth his valuable time. Tor inevitably ended up squaring up the big Moose. Utterly raging that Moose to be about half an inch bigger than him. They chopped the living shite out each other before Tor eliminated Moose. He seemed to be taking the competitors out biggest first which is a decent strategy. More likely to be knackered the longer you’re involved so if all the big guys are gone and it’s just you and Leyton Buzzard left at the end, you’ve planned well. Next up was Wolfgang, but Wolfy was having none of his Swedish shite. Brass knucks were utilised to daze the big fucker, much like you’d shoot a tranquilizer dart into a bear’s neck before you’d ever consider going within 10 mile of it, and with the big yin dazed Wolfy dumped him out. Tor’s not the type of guy to cut his losses and fuck off after a disappointment of that nature and he came to hit all sorts of chokeslams on Wolfy. Weakening him enough for Jordan Devlin to superkick him right out of there. No third year in a row in the final two for big Wolfy but he did make himself a powerful enemy.

Next up was The Sam Barbour Experience one of the most exciting talents to emerge from the GPWA school and one who maybe needed something like a decent stint in the Square Go to proper kickstart his ICW career. Big Grizzly entered next in a fashion that you could only describe as both big and grizzly. Having a quick scrap with his countryman Iestyn Rees before we were honoured and privileged to see the return of CAPTAIN JAAAAAAAAAACK. Jackie Polo wearing the exact attire he had on the night he beat Lionheart at the Barras. Does that mean something? The seed was there, and after some lovely wrestling from Scotlands BEEEEEEST, and the eliminations of Sam Barbour and Jordan Devlin, Jackie Polo stood in the middle of the ring and waited for the adulation from the masses. In the very building he captivated for a shade under 3 hours with that This Is Your Life segment. With all the memories of that feud rushing to the forefront once again, the next entrant could only be one. Number 20. Lionheart.

Even after years of both men becoming something quite different to what they were when they had that match 3 years ago. Jackie conquering the tag divison with his best pal Mark Coffey, while Lionheart re-invented himself with a brilliant reign with the Zero-G when they came face to face again it was as if they’d never been apart. A deep seeded hatred that both display very differently. Polo decided to roll out of the ring and wore that dismissive smile on his face, as if Lionheart was a nobody. Not worth his time. Something that serves to wind up not only Lionheart himself, but the audience who were gasping to see them leather each other. Lionheart eliminated Kay Lee Ray (who had been cutting about on the outside for a while now getting sly digs in, somehow still holding that leather strap) and Big Grizz before the next entrant was revealed to be Ravie Davie.

Davie came in all guns blazing, chucking big fists at Iestyn and mad kicks at Jackie Polo but Ravie Davie is preoccupied to say the least. Constantly tormented by the image of his burd turning on him and joining forces with his nemesis while he plummets from 20 feet in the air through a table. In a way Bram stealing her kinda makes him destroying their wedding a bit romantic eh. This one wasn’t just because he heavy loves piledriving burds on to cakes, this one was for love. This one was for the noble pursuit of winning the fair maiden’s heart and perhaps seeing if she can take more than 3 and a hauf fing….I mean eh….dates….he’s gonnae take her out on nice dates. Point is, Bram showed up, closely followed by Martina and they decided to sit at the entrance and winch, providing enough of a distraction for Iestyn Rees to pap Davie out before he set off to immediately attack the happy couple. I mean if ye think about it that makes them even does it not? Bram broke their wedding up and Davie broke up their Square Go winching sesh. Call it even and move on? No. Nae worries. Next up, with the crate of lager was Aaron Echo.

Upon drinking the last one and a half cans of lager in the crate Simon Cassidy revealed that “Aaron Echo’s weapon had been eliminated” which could either be referring to the lager or Yamaguchi San fae Kai-en-tai making his long-awaited return to wrestling to relieve Echo of his manhood (if ye don’t get that reference, google Val Venis and “choppy choppy your pee pee”) filled with the kind of bravado only a full crate of lager can give a man, Echo leaned in to plant on one his best pal Kenny Williams but after getting the knockback that a man with a crate of lager in him will get almost all of the time, he decided to pick his pal up and spin him about instead. Knocking down everyone within a 10 mile radius in the process.

Mark Coffey entered net and at number 23 you could see The Power Forward winning it all. If this Square Go was all about planting future seeds and setting things in motion for the year, Mark Coffey in main event situations should be a seed that’s very much getting planted. Him and Jackie came face to face in what was briefly a tense moment before they joined forces to eliminate big Iestyn. Polo Promotions are best fuckin pals. In real life, in wrestling, probably in the afterlife if there is one. Although I imagine if there is, it’s just a bunch of folk watching Larsson’s chip from the 6-2 game on a loop and going “fuckin some finish eh!” enthusiastically. They were never going to have a big fall out and split traditionally although all signs indicate that they’ll be doing their singles things for a while. That fact became very apparent when Lionheart floored Coffey with a superkick and suddenly, Polo had no quick escape. It was finally happening. Renfrew and Whiplash had other ideas and once again the big showdown was postponed. Long enough for Viper to enter next.

She made short work of pretty much everyone. Chucking them about in the form of a variety of suplexes and splashes before almost tossing Mikey Whiplash out. Whiplash eventually did see his involvement by the next entrant a certain Jody Fleisch who’d he’d be wrestling in a singles match the very next night. Fleisch was then faced with a moral quandary as he stood face to face with Viper, seemingly with nae choice but to throw hands at her despite his definite reluctance to do so. Someone who had absolutely no reluctance to do so was Joseph Conners, who set about everyone with a chair leaving him one on one with Viper right up until DCT entered to be the knight in a polka-dotted singlet that every girl dreams of marrying one day. Her knight did save her, but Conners used his sheer rage against him, as he chucked Viper in to his path when he was getting ready to hit Conners with the chair. In the momentary daze of confusion, Conners papped DCT out a lot quicker than he would have envisioned, although Viper did gain a degree of vengeance for her man by dumping Conners out quickly after,leading to DCT chasing Conners to the back after he’d jumped back in to crack his wife with a chair. Understandable reaction to a man who’s last three actions in ICW have been spitting in your face, dumping you out the Square Go a minute after entering, and smacking your missus over the back with a big slate of steel.

Next up was Leyton Buzzard who is one of the most entertaining new talents in ICW today. His undying allegiance to Joe Hendry and all the hilarity that comes from it is some of the best shit going in the company right now. With Chris Renfrew set up in the corner there was only one way for Buzzard to make his entrance. Coast to coast styleeeee…..he called it and went for it, but he landed barely halfway across the ring before Renfrew picked him up and suddenly it was time for the second last entrant to make him (or her) self known. It was STEEEEEEVIE BOOOOOOY. The man with all the momentum and one pundits were calling a heavy favourite to win the whole thing 😉

Stevie might have expected a wee bit of a clearer ring when he entered but sometimes dealing with a dirty ring is part and parcel of the job innit. He set out to clear it a bit when he shoved Viper out, before ducking a big boot from Echo and watching him fly over the top rope in what could only be described as a self elimination. It had been over 20 minutes since the big man’s last can so understandably he felt it was time to bail out. That left the picture a wee bit clearer for the man with the ultimate advantage. Entrant number 30, Joe Hendry. Who furthered his advantage by setting up a chair on the stage and deciding only to enter when the time was right. He only slid in there when Jody Fleisch was in a precarious position. Easing him out the equation before dishing out Fallaway Slam’s to everyone in his path. Literally everyone in the ring had taken one, until Lionheart reversed it and tossed Hendry out. Ultimate advantage, but ultimately he ended up out on his arse.

Jackie Polo eliminated Renfrew shortly after that, although he had lasted over an hour in what was a titanic effort. Suddenly we had a final 5 made up of guys who had not only never won the Square Go before, but guys who had never won the ICW World Title either. This was a Square Go not only about setting things in motion for the present but also a nod towards how the future was going to play out. All 5 were ICW guys, some of whom had literally grown up in the company and one of them was going to win it all, but before that was decided it finally happened. This time there was no one to stop them and for the first time since one of the most bitterly contested wrestling matches in British wrestling history, Jackie Polo and Lionheart were about to fight.

It was brief but beautiful. They flung hands at each other with reckless abandon, each punch marginally stiffer than the one before it. Polo nailed a scoop slam, Hearto a superkick. More jabs. More hatred trickling from every pore. They still fucking hate each other make nae mistake about that. Sometimes in life there are people you just don’t take to. Some people just aren’t your kind of people and that’s fine. We can’t all like everyone, but these two can’t just comfortably dislike one and other from afar. Not forever anyway. It was always going to happen again and IF it is a match at Barramania it will blow the previous one out the water. They are both just far too good at this for it to be anything but brilliant and its a match that needs to happen to close that chapter of their careers. It has always felt like unfinished business, although their business for the night was swiftly finished as Mark Coffey and Stevie Boy took advantage of a brief lull in their fist fight to chuck them both out. Coffey obviously throwing Lionheart out and Stevie throwing Polo out because that being the other way about would be the end of the world as we knew it.

That brought us to the final three of Mark Coffey, Kenny Williams and Stevie Boy. All outstanding wrestlers who have conquered so many other areas that this was the only one left. The pursuit of the big one. All three absolutely have valid claims for a spot at the very top and for my money (I’ve nane but lets kid on) all three WILL get there in the not so distant future but there could be only one, and only one had the troops as his disposal to lend a helping hand.

The Grand Finale

Kenny and Mark looked like they’d formed a brief alliance to toss Stevie out but Stevie was wise to it and got out the road fast. A near elimination for Kenny was thwarted when he jumped back in to the ring in the form of a spear before him and Mark shook hands and laid into each other with a flurry of forearms. Despite their eliminations earlier in the night, the rest of The Filthy Generation had their say in the final moments. There’s nae rules at the end of the day and if you’ve got a team at your disposal in a situation like this, use it. Kenny found himself on the apron and Kay Lee Ray rushed out with a steel chair in hand, chucking it right at his coupon and sending him crashing out.

Three of the very best young talents this country has ever produced had become two and it was a beautiful sight. Two guys who have been long overdue this ascension to the top finally getting their time. Kenny’s time will come, and the chip on his shoulder that will come from this injustice will add a bit of edge to his character so overall as much as it wont have felt like it at the time that steel chair rung his bell, it was a good night for him and he lasted over an hour in the match. It looked like Coffey had won it when he tossed Stevie over the top ropes but the Kings Of Catch still had their role to play. Grabbing Stevie’s legs and helping him back in the ring before all three were banished from ringside to leave it a fair fight to the finish. Power Forward vs King Of Insanity. Two future icons if they aren’t already. Here we fuckin go.

They battered each other on the apron, both swaying like they felt stone cold sober in the pub but as soon as they got outside they had suddenly become the most steaming guy on planet earth. After a brief but pulsating battle Stevie lifted Mark Coffey over the top rope on to the apron before throwing everything but the kitchen sink at the solid big cunt. Nothing would do the job. Flying kick, drop kick, Stevie’s internal screams of “gonna just fuckin get oot!” finally a steel chair shot to the napper got the job done and STEVIE BOY had become your 2018 Square Go winner.

If the Square Go is any sort of indicator as to how the year is going to go for ICW its going to be a fuckin stormer. Polo and Lionheart back at it. All of the guys who’ve been talked about as potential stars of the future turning that potential into some real tangible success. The final stages said it all. Full of ICW guys who have worked the hardest and longest to get to the top, getting their just rewards. Mark Coffey will be a top guy this year and hopefully has some belting matches with Stevie as a result of how this wound up but as of right now, to put it in his own words, Stevie has one of the biggest independent wrestling companies in the world “by the fucking balls” and its a buzz to see where its all going to go. The immediate future appears to be a showdown with a guy he’s been in many battles with before, both as a team-mate and opponent. His former NAK brother in arms and the current top dog. A certain mental case named BT Gunn who popped out to show Stevie he’s no feart. Any match between these two is bound to be brilliant but for the Undisputed Title? Aff the scale mate. Glasgow will burn to the ground in the wake of the brand of super violence they bring to the table.

Massive thank you to David J Wilson for the wonderful photos as per usual

The data’s been analysed. Theories have been organised from most likely to least likely. Win percentages cross referenced with height and age, and all of that thrown in a pot to produce this here article. I can now reveal the 13 men most statistically likely to win the 2018 Square Go.

Or this is a lot of speculative shite about a wrestling show. Ye know. Either/or. Who really gives a fuck? Why 20 guys? Why no just do all 30? Why anything?

Mikey Whiplash

Won the first Square Go I seen with my own two eyes after a helluva battle in the final two with Jack Jester and went on to become the man to usurp Red Lightning as ICW Champion. Had a stormer of a match with Jordan Devlin recently as well. One of the best matches I’ve seen live in a long time. That would make it seem like hes hot on form, but wrestling is pre-determined and form is of little consequence. I predict he’ll enter early and be in it a long time. Or maybe he’ll enter late and be in it a short time. Its aw guesswork.

Odds – 30-1

Ravie Davie

If Bram wins the title in his match with BT Gunn we could very well see Davie boy do it. Had a gallant effort in their last year and definitely isnae a stranger to a bit of a Square Go so you never know. If him and Zander are both in it they need to form an alliance quick and avoid aw the big bastards that will no doubt be in it but Divers won it one year mate. Anything’s possible.

Odds – 30-1

Iestyn Rees

An absolute Adonis of a man and now he has the first ever Square Go winner and former ICW Champion Red Lightning behind him, he could be the dark horse to win the whole thing. Tall muscular dudes tend to be favourites for battle royales going in after all. I mind watching the 94 Rumble and commentators heavy bigging Adam Bomb up then he got papped out within 2 minutes of going in so aye. Adam Bomb wont win it, but big Iestyn might. At the very least he’ll pap a few folk out and establish himself as a big time factor in the new year.

Odds – 30-1

Kenny Williams

Beat Rey Mysterio at The Hydro in a five-star performance and has conquered the Zero-G Division so a serious push at the big belt has to be on the horizon for the bollocks. Also has his big pal Aaron Echo in there and they might team up to eliminate aw sorts of cunts Diesel and Shawn Michaels style. He’s definitely due a re-match with BT Gunn after losing the Zero-G to him but Kenny winning it makes sense and making sense is important in wrestling. It’s no like anyones ever gave birth to a hand or any mad shit like that. All serious business so it is.

Odds – 30-1

Mark Coffey

Seeing Mark Coffey win the Square Go would be an unmatched buzz but there a huge dose of the fear about this since Rampage and Asthon won they belts. Right before the Square Go. A match where its every man for themselves and both members of Polo Promotions will most likely enter? Aw nut. Please no. I’m not ready to see them fight. It was hard enough seeing Mark and Joe fight each other, but not the Polo Promotions brethren. I hope they both enter early, work together to eliminate everyone and when it comes down to they two, they simultaneously eliminate themselves and BOTH win the Square Go. Like Lex Luger and Bret Hart both winning the 94 Rumble because they completely avoided the camera angle that showed whose feet touched the ground first.

Odds – 60-2

Jackie Polo

Polo Promotions have become such a fixture in the tag division that folk seem to forget how much of a big deal they were as individuals. Jackie Polo vs Lionheart sold out the Barrowlands before anything else was announced. Jackie Polo vs Mark Dallas had the whole Garage captivated, watching Jackie turn battering his boss into some kind of artform. Not quite in the Stone Cold mould of bedpans over but he brutally dissected the ICW owner before a string of hauners helped Dallas overcome. Point is, Polo Promotions are wonderful and should never split, but don’t write off the possibility of one of them winning it. If that can happen without any friction between the two occurring its a win-win.

Odds – 60-2

Chris Renfrew

Won it twice before (sorta, he won Divers briefcase so it’s basically the same thing) and he’s not under anyone’s spell anymore so why the fuck no Renfrew? His two Square Go cash-ins were two of the most memorable matches in ICW history after all. One big obstacle standing in front of him winning it is being Santa Claus cause that’s a full time concern really. Sorting out presents for literally every living being in the world. That’s no a job ye can phone in is it. His promo after knocking 70 shades of shite out of Leyton Buzzard was his best work on the mic for a long time. The fire still burns. He wants that shiny belt back.

Odds – 30-1

Stevie Boy

I read a thing earlier that really convinced me he might win it. Guy seemed to know what he was on about. Really done his homework. Definitely a favourite. 😉

Odds – 30-1

Lewis Girvan

Lewis Girvan is very good. Good enough to be beating the likes of recent WWE signee Ricochet at the Hydro a year and a bit ago. That win should have been the launching pad for him to be a big time factor as a singles wrestler but the path he’s gone down since is something else. Something different. Part of a brilliant tag team who seem to improve with every match and also part of a stable running riot through ICW right now and it suits him. He wears that wee nasty streak well. Don’t see him or Aspen actually winning it but they may very well be very big factors in someone else winning it.

Odds – 30-1

Aspen Faith

Love this photo cause they all look heavy raging at whoever’s taking it. Like how dare you photograph us when we’ve aw just got our hair heavy wet and pulled it over our faces? The very cheek of it. Aspen was another who flitted in and out a bit of ICW on the Spacebaws shows and whatnot so undoubtedly its his career that’s benefited the most from the emergence of the Kings Of Catch and them joining up with Stevie and Kay Lee. Very good wrestler, nae doubt him and Lewig Girvan will scoop up the tag titles at some point down the line if they keep going the way they are. He probably won’t win this but if him and Lewis Girvan draw numbers close together they’ll be hard to shift.

Odds – 30-1

Tor Atterhagen

An absolute unit of a boay. Has done nothing but wreck cunts since his debut. That would suggest he has a good chance. Know what else him being a big baldy tree wae a beard would suggest? Fuck getting on the wrong side of him. Fuck doing things like calling him a big baldy tree wae a beard. That’s just asking for bother so it is. Might not actually win it but he seems magnetically drawn to throwing Divers about like wet washin so he may at the very least eliminate Divers in a hugely inventive, really sare fashion. His elimination will probably be all the folk he battered at the end of the last Fight Club taping teaming up and high fiving after he goes out while he mentally assassinates them all.

Odds – 120-4

Wolfgang

Lost the title at this event last year in a brilliant match with Trent Seven then entered the Square Go and made it to the final two. that’s what’s known in pro wrestling as “an absolute cunt ae a shift” Had the year of his career last year and it couldn’t have happened to a better guy really. He’s also a guy who’s been at the very highest level for a long time, its just that more folk are starting to notice. That’s what happens when yer moonsaulting, powerbombing and swan-tonning all over yer WWE Network.

Odds – 30-1

Aaron Echo

If he’s gonnae win it all he can’t be doing shit like the mad behaviour pictured above. Being able to clear the top rope isnae actually an advantage in this situation but big echo has been knocking down the door for ages and a match like this is where a man like him has his career made. Even if he doesn’t win it a solid shift that has the commentator reminding how long he’s been in every 5 minutes is what you’re after. Carving out a wee niche for himself as the guy who turns up a wee bit late so he might draw an early number and just saunter out last no giving a monkeys. Where in the rules does it state that the performer actually has to come out when his number’s called? Naeplace. I personally read the rulebook cover to cover to make sure this is indeed a fact.

Odds – 30-1

Sha Samuels

As with big Echo, if Sha takes the photo above as some kind of instruction manual rather than a cautionary tale, big man’s got nae chance. He’ll have Sha-saulted himself clean out the picture. Keep that weapon in the holster for this yin big yin. He’s stated that his intention if he wins is to bend the rules a bit (mind ive just read the rulebook, so this is coming from a place of great knowledge) and cash in for a shot at the tag titles with Jaaaaaaack but what if Jaaaaaaaaack beats Jimmy Storm and goes on to win the belt on Monday night? Well the Kinky Party throw hands? Do kinky parties usually involve folk doing stuff to each other with their hands? I dunno mate. Never been to one, but I hear there’s a lot of slappin involved. As much as I think Stevie’s the favourite and all that, I promise ye, if Sha is the last man standing I’ll tan a ten deck of Tennents Lager in the one go and go streaking down Sauchiehall Street screamin “EAST!” in everycunts face. Thats a promise.

Odds – 30-1

DCT

Recently scooped up his first main singles belt when he won the Reckless Intent Title and that’s fucking superb so it is. DCT is one of our own. A wee secret almost. Tucked away up here doing his thing very very well. Winning the Square Go would almost be like revealing him to the world. Look at this mad charismatic bastard. You can keep yer mad choreographed dance routine flip contests. Give me DCT going to war with the likes of Joseph Conners and Renfrew aw day long. Is that a way of saying DCT is better than Will Ospreay? You can draw your own conclusions as the reader but ask yourself this, can Will Ospreay even grow a tache? Probably not. DCT has to shave every 45 minutes to keep the tache from re-emerging on his glorious coupon to go with that glorious singlet. Know what other accessory would go nice with both tache and singlet? A wee briefcase with a very important contract in it.

Odds – 30-1

Kid Fite

Much like the Filthy Generation the Fite Network are a squad. A unit. A team that understands teamwork above all else will help them prevail. The thing is, every team has a captain. A snarling leader on and off the pitch who represents the team’s interests. Someone who leads the charge. That leader in this case is Kid Fite. Had a cracking feud with Wolfgang after Wolfys feud with Liam Thomson was unfortunately cut short due to the bold yin’s injury. Really good matches while they both used the platform to elevate the up and coming tag teams who came from their respective schools.

Odds – 30-1

Lou King Sharp

I think it was the 2015 Square Go he had a cracking run? He was in it for a while and when he was tossed out at one point the crowd caught him and sent him back in. It was all very lovely but that was back when he was giving it the underdog patter. Now? Yer man’s a thug. Making up for his size disadvantage by giving off the air of man who would stab ye for the rest of yer McChicken Sandwich. If he’s stab ye for fast food, just think what he might do to win the Square Go. Him, Fito and Kreiger will be hoping to draw numbers close together so they can make the dream work via some top quality team work. Might not actually win it but he’ll be heavy entertaining as he always is. Good to see him back in amongst it at least after a couple of years of dipping in at out of ICW.

Odds – 30-1

Krieger

Love big Krieger. Very likeable big guy. I know that’s not what the Fite Network are going for but charisma is charisma mate. Can’t be contained. Self proclaimed as having the most underrated arse in Scottish Wrestling. Know what helps get peoples arses the respect and admiration they deserve? Winning the Square Go. Winning the ICW World Title. Becoming one of the most recogniseable arses in wrestling. He might not do it this year but he’s a guy ye could easily see doing it one day. Lazer sharp focus. Eye of the Krieger locked in. It’s all there for the big man. Feel like I’m just saying words now so I’ll end it by calling him a big ride. So aye. Krieger’s a big ride.

Odds – 30-1

Joe Hendry

When he revealed the WCPW Title on an ICW show and declared “I’m the Prestigious One!” it was such an emphatic, bold move. I never saw it going down the road it has. It’s brilliantly entertaining and his alliance with Leyton Buzzard has brought a very talented young performer into sharp focus so that’s good but in Joe’s case, he needs something like this. If he’s still dead set of taking all the titles, he needs a strong Square Go. A winning Square Go. One strategy that might work is him tossing Clayton as anyone who comes near him but I imagine chucking him at big Tor will be akin to a fly landing on you and me.

Odds – 30-1

Lionheart

Lionheart’s seemingly a full-blown good guy now. Imagine someone told ye that just over a year ago. You’d think they’d taken some heavy good gear and you’d immediately enquire as to where you can source some of said gear, but since the Joe Hendry feud folk have slowly but surely came around to the idea the Hearto’s the fuckin man. His work over the past two years certainly warrants him winning this and it would be a buzz if he did. The ICW Title is the only one missing from his own Grand Slam bid (of Scottish heavyweight titles, not the ICW grand slam) and beating the only current grand slam holder to get it would be a poetic sorta thing. Goes in full of belief, so if you’re the owner of one of they taps he had with “Believe” on it and you believe in Lionheart’s bid to win it all, wear the tap mate. Represent. There’s no need to hide you’re allegiances now. Big man is and out and proud good yin and 2018 might be Mad Leon’s time.

Odds – 30-1

So in conclusion, everycunt might win it. It’s a battle royal. Maybe it’ll be none of these cunts? Joe Coffey could come from nowhere and make his big comeback to win it for the second year running. Grado might blow the roof aff the joint and win it all. Finally avenging Renfrew snatching the 2014 Square Go from his clutches. Its aw guesswork. Get a high stakes sweep on the go with yer pals where everyone chucks their car keys in and the winner wins everycunts motor. 30 motors. One for every day of the month. Any months wae 31 days ye take the bus on the 31st. Enjoy the show. Square Go is always a belter.

To run The Hydro once is quite a feat. I mean its big int it. Proper big. Big enough that if you fired some grass in the middle, Nottingham Forest could use it for home games. That’s big time right there. They filmed RAW in there last year for god sake! A real episode of RAW where we had all our Noam’s well and truly Darred. Prince had a gig in there. Even the Mrs Browns Boys team had a wee look before deeming it too small to contain the amount of dribbling numpties that would pay to see that shite but they’re ta cheats so fuck them. To run it once as a Scottish wrestling company is the stuff dreams are made of, but to run it twice? That’s making it. That’s showing it wasn’t some mad fluke, and it didnae just happen because Dallas rubbed a lamp really hard and got three wishes. It happened because a lot of hard work went in to building something that could run a venue like this. Whether you love, hate or are completely indifferent to ICW that has to earn respect. ICW made dreams come true, then a year later they made them come true again. Next year the dream gets bigger. Fuck Hampden, Ibrox and Celtic Park. ICW’s runnin the Nou Camp! 110k, and the rest can watch ootside on a big screen. A wee holiday into the bargain. Nah? Too far??

We opened with Dallas, Sweeney, Toal and Scott Reid introducing us to the show. Dallas giving us a wee history lesson of ICW before introducing none other than Kevin Nash to the ring. Big Nash is the coolest wrestler to ever exist if he’s nothing else, and still stoats about like he has not a care in the world. When you’re 7 feet tall and sexier than a bag of Chris Hemsworths in yer 50s, there’s really not a lot to be worried about. He was buzzin that he could say fuck, and told anyone who fancies getting out of line that they’d get smacked with a steel chair. Anyone unhappy with him being announced as the commissioner for this year’s show surely must have been placated by this declaration because that’s the job in a nutshell really. Anyone starts acting up. Chair to the napper. Job’s a good yin.

The show blew last year’s out the water, but don’t take my word for it, take my several words about it that will appear below. Or you could watch it on demand I suppose, but who has 3 hours to watch a show when you could spend 5 hours reading a review about it. Aye ok…here’s a link for on demand. Sorry for wasting yer time. https://icwondemand.pivotshare.com/

To those still with us, welcome. First up, everyone’s two favourite things, ladders and Bram!

Ravie Davie secured his place in the match by being the most mental bastard in Glesga on Saturday night and doing a blockbuster off the balcony in The Garage on his way to beating Bram. A lot of people vocally don’t like Bram, and fair enough, if its Bram the wrestler you protest against that’s your opinion, but he’s very good at his job (that’s my opinon). Folk like DCT and Davie have had career shaping moments because of the red hoat fire Bram brings to the ring with him. His evil brings the best version of their good to the forefront. Ravie Davie was last to enter and met by an angered Bram, who at this point had an 0-2 record against a wee guy fae Govan chasing a dream. Raging so he was. They battled about a bit, and Aaron Echo done a beautiful big Undertaker dive, much like the dive him and big Iestyn performed in stereo last year. With that, the ladder match was off and…eh…climbing I guess. Cause ladders.

DCT (as seen above having the fuckin time of his life clearly) plonked a ladder on his heid and spun around to take all other competitors out the game, before him and Davie took shots each of jabbing their mutual foe Bram, as Bram spat literal fire in frustration, burning both their eyebrows off in the process. Hunners of low blows followed, including one from the formerly wholesome Joe Hendry. Fully embracing his role as a bad yin and rounding off a succession of fallaway slams with one on a ladder to Kid Fite. Jody Fleisch hit a fucking beautiful moonsault off a massive ladder on to everyone, reminding everyone he’s still stupidly good at wrestling and apparently suicidal moonsaults off big massive ladders.

With bodies scattered about, Fear and Loathing’s most prolific performer saw his plan shoot into action. Lou King Sharp and Krieger emerged to tip the odds in Fito’s favour and got a few digs in before The Purge followed to take them out the equation. The Purge had nae dug in this race so god knows whit their ploblem was but the whole thing not working out sadly meant the end of Kid Fite’s attempt to make his 10th Fear and Loathing his most successful one. A shame, him winning would have been a well deserved feat for a man who has been a big part of ICW as a performer and nurturer of talent for the entirety of its existence but the story of who wins this yin was never meant to be a fairytale. It wasn’t going to be DCT with a career making win on the big stage. Jody Fleisch wasn’t going to do it for the old school warriors who do it better than the whole generation they inspired. Aaron Echo wasn’t going to achieve an accolade that matches his boundless potential. Joe Hendry wasn’t going to take a significant step in becoming a prestigious champ who won’t say fuck or bugger. But maybe it could be Ravie Davie. Maybe he just had the level of mental it would take to out mental the rest. Maybe the boy fae the scheme could achieve that dream. The big one. A title shoat on a big show.

He battled up a big ladder with Bram on a nearby ladder, and decided jumping aff a balcony the night before wasn’t enough. Big spear off the ladder. A move that Edge will tell ye is an entirely regrettable decision on everyone’s part, but still looks mighty impressive.That gave Hendry the opening to win the belt but instead of climbing the ladder, he sent Leyton Buzzard up to get it, only for him to get unceremoniously skanted by Coach Trip. That left DCT with the opening, only to be thwarted by Jody Fleisch and with everyone else taken out, up went Davie for his destiny. Davie for the absolute moment of his career. 2-0 against Bram and the number one contender, thats whits happnin troops! Until it wisnae what was happenin at all troops. It took a turn. Martina and Davie’s cousin Zander burst out to help their man get there. Knowing a lot of good is required to counteract the face melting evil known as Bram.

One of them was up to nae good though. One of them had come to the dark side. Martina took a character defining can and smashed it over Zander’s head, before helping Bram ease a shattered Davie off the top of a ladder, all the way to a table on the outside. Breaking his heart, and probably his entire body in the one go. Bram sauntered up the ladder to grab the briefcase and earn himself a tile shot while his manager Red Lightning celebrated in his own special way. Jumping out with reckless abandon like a Da who’s just watched his team score the winner against their biggest rivals in the last minute. No one does wild celebrations quite like Red. Unbridled jubliation. Fuck-in-YASSSS.

Bram’s yer number one contender. Took Davie’s title shot and his missus in the process. Now despite having a 2-0 singles record against Bram, you want to see Davie smash him more than ever before right? Exactly.

When Bird and Boar first took the tag titles from Polo Promotions it felt….eerie. There was almost a stunned silence in Newcastle that night, as if folk were looking at eachother wondering if it had actually happened. At that point they were still building a reputation in ICW and that win for the patriarchs of the ICW tag division was so vital in them being where they were heading in to this one. That win made them go from decent contenders you could count on for a good match to ruthless champions. Holding on to the titles for 8 months, growing more menacing and more Welsh as fuck with each passing month. Getting to The Hydro as champions was an achievement all on its own but this wasn’t for them. They weren’t the home team at The Hydro. They played a huge part in this being a brilliant feud and this match alone being a very good wrestling match, but this wasn’t their night. This was every single bit of that frustration that has been bubbling in Jackie and Mark since they lost those titles all those months ago coming out in the form of wrestling moves. Wrestling moves that would be combined in a fashion with one goal in mind. Get what they consider to be their property back, and become the THREE TIME tag team champions. Legends.

Iestyn Rees was immediately banned from ringside, and while he was getting super raging about it, got hit with the best 3D The Hydro has ever seen 😉 For fans of big Iestyn, its sound. He’d have his moment. Despite the 3D start, it was Bird and Boar who dominated early. Isolating Mark Coffey and scudding him with all sorts of forearms. That’s proved an effective tactic, as they’ve clearly recognised the only guy who can stop Mark Coffey is two guys. They fired in with all that lovely double team stuff they do, Bird whipping Boar into the corner in the former of a cannonball before Jackie got in to take the Welshies to Scooplex City. More scoops than that Celtic Christmas party where Bobby Petta got the jail for flahsin a waitress in Jumpin Jaks. He followed the scoops up with a gorgeous bridging Northern Lights suplex, before the boaysies combined for a double back suplex. Poetry in best pal tag team motion. In about it.

Coffey had Bird and Boar where he wanted them as he unleashed mad jabs and chops, but you don’t get to be champions for the better part of a year without being a bit good. They hit one of the best double team moves out there today in Mrs Pattersons Revenge, a move that has put away everyone who’s taken it before but not the Polos. Not on this night. Up went Coffey’s shoulder to everyones astonishment, and the game continued. Next goal wins. They all jabbed, chopped and forearmed each other daft, before Bird and Boar got on top again. This time when Bird sent boar into the corner towards Polo, Jackie moved and the opening was there. Polo has the Rings of Saturn locked in on Bird but had spotted Boar going up top to break it up and moved just in time to see Boar splash Bird. It was time. The Old Man Of Hoy was hit moments later and your favourite, ma favourite, evdy’s favourite tag team had scooped up the gold for a third time.

Iestyn Rees didn’t give them even a millisecond to enjoy it though. Out he came to leather the champs like a big greetin faced baby because his besties couldn’t get it done without his statuesque hauners. Big Kev told yees earlier he wasn’t having it and out he came to drive that point home by smacking fire out of big Iestyn and sending him packing before he handed Jackie and Mark their titles at long last. Re-united and it feels so goooood. Mark Coffey’s face when Kevin Nash put that belt in his hands was one of the purest most heart warming things I’ve ever seen in wrestling so it was. He was in awe of both the achievement and of the sexy big legend raising him and his best pals hand. A beautiful way to end a tremendous feud. If it is indeed the end. What else is there for Bird and Boar other than coming back for another shot? They’ve been the champs for so long, they’ll not like the feeling of walking in to the next show without the shiny belts but for now and maybe forever, they are back where they belong. Round the waists of one of Europe’s beat tag teams. 589 combined days as champions and counting. The team who beat the legendary Dudley Boyz with a simple scoop slam. The most effective, not to mention devastatingly handsome best pal tag team on this planet we call earth. Polo Promotions.

Kenny Williams vs Rey Mysterio Jr

Wee Rey is some boy int he. Built like a brick shithouse these days yet still flies about the ring like he’s that skinny wee guy Kevin Nash chucked like like a scrucnhed up Greggs wrapper. Kenny Williams had to wait a while for the wee legend, as he allowed his music to play for about 15 minutes while he finished off his pre match ritual of a good long shite while smoking a cigar. When Rey eventually arrived to a chorus of “where the fuckin hell were you” much to his rampant confusuon, it was high octane good shit. Blink and you’ll miss it type stuff. Fast and Furious 47 – The Wan Wae The Aw The Back Elba’s. The wan where the bollocks continued his legacy on the big stage. Kenny is undefeated at Fear and Loathing ye see. An Undertaker-esque streak in the making here. Although if he makes it to 21-0 Brock Lesnar will probably be about 60 odds and maybe not the streakbuster he once was. To Kenny’s great relief I’m sure, although a 60 year old Brock Lesnar could probably still chuck a cruiserweight over his napper without breaking a sweat.

They dived about a bit before Rey teased the 619 (most commonly pronounced as the six hunner n nineteen) on both sides of the ring. He followed that up with a baseball slide into a splash on the outside which was lovely stuff. Backed that up with one of the classics in the form of the auld slingshot legdrop. Rey isn’t what he once was, but he’s adapted to his age and more muscular frame and still churns out a helluva wrestling match when he wants to let me tell ye. Thankfully for us this was one of those times he really wanted to. The A-Game was brought and Kenny would have to bring the bollocks or eh…be the bollocks. Something related to bollocks is the point here. He’s The Bollocks, have you heard?

Kenny got going with a back elbow on the apron, before hitting a pair of crackin dives. The biggest compliment you could pay Kenny is that he never looked out-of-place in there with arguably the greatest to ever wrestle in his style and that’s a nice thing. A cool thing. A thing made even cooler when Rey blocked Kenny’s attempts at his own move, before he hit a perfect 619, followed by a frog splash only for Kenny to roll through and sneak the pin.

If its not the moment of his career to date, it has to at least be the biggest name he’s pinned for the uno, dos, tres. Love a wee roll through finish as well. Take the opponents momentum and use it against him. Tidy stuff. The stunned reaction he had when he won was similar to the one he had when he first beat BT Gunn a couple of years ago and that’s some neat continuity right there. He understands the level of talent he needs to beat to be where he wants to be and he’s out to prove he’s the man for that big occasion. He’ll lose sometimes but he’s never anything less than game for the next fight when he does. This could be a win that propels him to new heights and he never did get that rematch with BT Gunn for the Zero-G. Might be time to cash that one in considering the extra shinies BT has added to his collection lately eh.

Murder and suicide are two things that quite often go hand in hand. A person can be so racked with guilt by a murder they’ve just committed that they decide the only escape is to take their own life. Sometimes its pre-meditated in an attempt to avoid the jail for a murder. Basically like having a straight choice between hell and the jail and choosing hell. When four people try to murder each other and kill themselves all at the one time, it’s not called a murder/suicide though. When its four people, it’s called the King Of Insanity match. I assume the winner is anyone who has any semblance of blood in their body by the time it’s over. The winner is anyone who hasn’t gone blind. The winner is anyone who can still feel all their extremities when it’s all said and done. The winner probably won’t feel like a winner, but they might not be dead, and that in itself is some sort of victory when you step into something like this. All four of these man really hate each other in some sort of way, and there was cinder-blocks in the ring, so we were at least seeing someone’s skull being cracked in half and the other three men having a kick about with his brain. Mikey Whiplash entered in a coffin, perhaps a precursor for how he and the other three men in this match would be leaving the ring. Deid.

People look down their noses at this style of wrestling but when its done correctly its stupidly engaging. This wasn’t just done correctly, it was done in such a fashion that it arguably stole the show. It certainly was at least on par with a wonderful main event. Even if it’s not your cup of tea, if you weren’t drawn in by this, there’s no hope. Beautiful, poetic violence isn’t for you. They started out jabbing fuck out each other in what proved to be the mildest pain any of them would feel over the course of the night. You ever been punched in the face and been able to describe the pain as mild? Exactly. Stevie was sent into a barbed wire chair and bust open early doors before Renfrew and Havoc dodged a slingshot crossbody from Whiplash and simultaneously called him a wanker. Stevie came crashing down on all of them, before subjecting Renfrew to what would prove to be only the third sorest barbed wire based hit he’s take on the night when he landed on a barbed wire board after a superkick from Stevie. Somehow all 4 of them got a hold of staple guns and blocked each other’s finishers by…well, stapling each other to fuck. Did you not see where that one was going naw? Havoc then started giving out paper cuts and it was one of those rare times that the pain you see in wrestling is actually something you can relate to as a fan. Paper cuts are the bump we’ve all taken, and the bump none of us would thank you to take again…brotherrr.

Renfrew impaled Whiplash on a cross lined with carpet tacks. I assume he needed all of the skin on Whiplash’s back for some kind of winter duvet for a serial killer and that was the quickest way to get it. Stevie hit a coast to coast via a bin and Renfrew’s face, before Havoc put him through a table lined with barbed wire and wee liquid capsules of the drug they use to put elephants to sleep. Whiplash then pulled out a barbed wire board covered in some of the streamers the fans chucked in the ring for the Polo Promotions match, proceeded to wipe his arse with them, before Renfew hit him with a Death Valley Driver on to the board and the fucking thing would not yield. The only thing more painful looking then being put through a barbed wire board is being launched at one and the fucking thing refusing to break. Like being whipped into the ropes, but instead of ropes its stanley blades, and instead of bouncing off, your back gets cut up to fuck…because stanley blades.

Thumbtacks got involved soon after that, because is it really a deathmatch if at least one person involved disnae end up with enough holes in their back for a dot to dot? A superplex from Renfrew sent Whiplash straight to the tacks not long after he’d T-Virus’d mad Jokey who had taken leave of her senses and actually got herself involved in what at this point you could only assume was some form of 4 way suicide pact. Havoc then took everyone’s finisher in some kind of brutal way, yet he wouldn’t die. A T-Virus on fuckin concrete blocks didnt kill him. You could tuck a live grenade up this cunts arse and he’d probably stand up and smile at you, while he scoops up his insides and eats them. The man’s not what you’d call “stable”. Stevie Boy had somehow hatched a plan amongst all these near death experiences. He spoke to god when Havoc put him through a table earlier in the night and god told him, Stevie my son, to win the prize you must kill the other guys. And kill them he did.

First up was Renfrew. Backdropped through a barbed wire board on the stage and all the way through the stage. While this was happening Havoc had Whiplash covered and Stevie came bursting down, colouring the walkway with about a pint and a half of his blood before he took the next one out. Havoc duct taped to the bottom rope. Screaming at folk to give him a knife, or set a German Shephard on his to chew his hands off. Anything to get free. He would never get free though, and with a ladder set up with a table lurking below, Stevie hit the most destructive Destroyer of his, or anyone’s career. Off the ladder, through the table, for a truly brutal victory.

Hardcore stuff gets a bad rap sometimes but like every form of wrestling out there, when it’s executed well it has the capacity to be fucking unreal. If it’s not for you, that’s sound. Each to their own in wrestling and indeed life in general, but we all love this and its important not to close your mind off to different kinds of wrestling. It’s important that the I in ICW still stands for something and if matches likes this are commonplace folk wont soon forget what the I stands for. Even if there’s not much of a roster left to take part in said matches since they often lead to multiple casualties. Plus what a fucking night for Stevie Boy. This wasn’t just him winning a match, it was him getting the better of three of the maddest bastards in British Wrestling at the one time. He looked every bit the top guy he is well on the way to becoming and having this win under his belt could be the thing that takes him from the next big thing to the main man right now. The 2017 King Of Insanity is coming for belts. Aw the fuckin belts. Clearly he’ll do absolutely anything required of him to make the belts his, so if you’ve got a belt, locks yer doors. Board up the windaes. 1,2….Stevie’s coming for you.

With Carmel as special guest enforcer we would see the never-ending story continue. Kay Lee Ray and Carmel are STILL fighting each other and one of them atually retired. That’s a story that truly stands the test of time. When one of them dies, you’re gonnae see segments with the other one backstage covered in muck, aiming right hooks at a coffin they just dug up. Kay Lee might never have a rival quite like Carmel but Viper and Kasey are proving to be just as troublesome in the sense that they keep trying, and occasionally succeeding in taking her belt. So much so that the only way to properly settle it is chucking the three of them in a cage and telling them to have at it. Kay Lee Ray kicked things off by superkicking the taste of Carmel’s gub and we were off. Well not quite. All three women had to be in the cage for the match to officially kick off, and upon seeing that superkick out came Kasey and Viper. Making the total count of wrestlers in the ring a cool 0.

Kay Lee chucked Viper in the ring and locked Kasey out. A smart strategy, eliminating the chaotic element of a three way dance for a short while to focus on murdering one foe, but still. That made the wrestler in the ring tally stand at 2. A full one wrestlers short of the required amount. Finally Kasey climbed her way in and the bell rang. All sorts of madness ensued. Viper chucked Kay Lee like a lawn-dart into Kasey in the corner. Before they all got a shot each of their finishers. Viper Drivers, Killing Jokes and of course Gory Bombs for days. It was a cracking scrap when it got going as we watched all three exchange brutal jabs before those pesky Kings Of Catch got involved! In they came to literally pull Kay Lee towards her escape, but they were subjected to a brutal double baw hit at the hands of Kasey. Low blows neutralise foes as they (probably dont) say. All 5 folk in the ring then combined for a super charged tower of doom, before Viper looked to be free and clear to climb out, only to patch that winning the match patter in favour of nailing a topper for a crossbody off the cage.

Viper’s momentum was derailed not long after that by Kay Lee Ray heidbutting her through a table. Seen a lot of things in the wrestling but never someone get heidbutted through a table. It’s always good when something familiar breeds something entirely unfamiliar eh. Especially when it involves folk going through tables and heidbutts. With Viper out the game and Kasey down, up went Kay Lee to retain and continue her reign as the top burd, but Kasey is a different sort of animal now. Kasey went from ring crew on this show last year, to bearer of shiny belts on it this year. An amazing turnaround and one that happened because she worked her arse off to make it happen. Two wins over Kay Lee in consecutive nights, a main event of a Garage show in a losing effort to Kay Lee a few months ago and now a career defining feat, beating two of the top women’s wrestlers in the fuckin world in the one match. She tied Kay Lee’s legs up in the cage before fending off Aspen Faith to drop to the floor. Becoming the two time ICW Women’s Champion.

Amazing what can be done in the space of a year if you graft at it. From ring crew to winning a fucking steel cage match at The Hydro to become a two time Women’s Champion is remarkable stuff from Kasey, and her performances merit all the success she’s enjoying right now. To step in with two of the finest female wrestlers in the world and not look out of place is a feat in itself. All three adapted to the cage like they were auld pro’s at it, diving aff it and into it with reckless abandon. Jimmy Snuka style without the murder. She said it’s a one night only thing but having Carmel back permanently would be a buzz. She added something to the match without detracting from the three women in it. Maybe a wee shot in the cage might persuade her to come back for another wee visit. I mean look how fun it looks, if your idea of fun is getting chucked in and around a literal death trap. As for Kay Lee and Viper I hope they’re still with us for years to come but they’re on the radar of the big boys so hopefully their defeat doesn’t mean they’re leaving us anaw. Its nice to see talented folk make career progression and that, but stop stealing ma favourite wrestlers ya bastards! Or at least let Noam visit every time ye sign someone. Fair is fair.

Zack Gibson vs Rob Van Dam Vs Lionheart

This was supposed to be Lionheart’s redemption, in there with one of his personal heroes, ready for the big win on the big show, two years after he’d been told there really wasn’t a lot of room for him on the big show. Maybe his time for the big occasion had past. He said fuck that, you’re wrong. Fuck you, am right. Shut yer mooth and let me frog splash the worlds greatest frog splasher. Then came stupit big brilliant baddie Zack Gibson with all the patter. Giving nothing beginning to resemble a fuck about Lionheart, ICW or even Rob Van Dam. It’s about making an impression for him, and the only way to do that is being a factor on the big show. He took to the mic to tell us all exactly why we were shite and he was better, and why we’d SOOOOOON be recognising those things as facts, before a bit of the wrestling broke out.

Gibson was subjected to a two-man attack at the start. Taking a superkick off Lionheart and a mad spinny legdrop off RvD to kick it off. That’s the problem with being the baddest baddie on badstreet and being in there with a pair of goodies. Even with Lionheart eternally being known as a fanny, their combined good still outweighed his bad. Gibson would have his moments though. Not content with being a superb villain, he’s fucking great at wrestling into the bargain. Hitting a beauty of a leaping codebreaker on RvD before nailing Lionheart with a suicide dive, and jumping back in to lock in Shankly’s Gates on Van Dam. Shortly after that he was eliminated and that was the only lowlight of the show for me. Not enough Gibson. Rob Van Dam hit the 5 star Frog Splash to put Gibson down for 3, but it was Lionheart who got the pin and that set us up for the originally scheduled match before Gibson forced his way into it. The Whole Fuckin Fanny looking to open up and swallow The Whole Fuckin Show.

RVD hit a whole selection of spinny kicks, followed by a bit of rolling thunder. Its good when wrestling happens from all sorts of mad angles eh. Thats why RVD will always be a personal favourite and why it was brilliant just to see him doing his thing at all. He does his thing differently from the way everyone else does it and that’s just a fuckload of fun to watch. Even when it’s getting on a bit, it’s still cracking. Lionheart looked focused as fuck despite taking all of the RVD back catalogue. The hits kept on coming, including the multi platinum selling split legged moonsault, until Hearto hit a topper of a DDT followed by his very own Frog Splash to secure a big time win.

I liked the match, but as an unashamed big time RvD fan it was never likely to be a let down. Lionheart was right up for it and looked at his very best throughout. He’s taken a lot of stick, called a fanny by the majority of crowds up and down the UK, but when he turns it on there’s few better than him in the UK. He deserved his moment and you have to wonder where this places him now. Surely he must be looking at that world title. Two years after being told he was expendable, what better way to show them you aren’t than by holding all the gold. He looks like he’s having the absolute time of his life when he’s in that ring right now and more often than not when someone gives off that vibe, their work is of the very highest standard because that’s what its all about int it. Its supposed to be fun. Wrestling is a big daft patomime and if you lose sight of that it becomes like any other job. Shite.

The Kinky Party vs The Kings Of Catch

Speaking of shite. The dirtiest match in wrestling history literally started with a shite. Talk about living up its billing eh. The shite didn’t take place in the ring thankfully, but in The Kinky Party’s dressing room (its not as bad as ye think right) as Sha was caught bawdeep in The Metro while finishing off his traditional pre match jobby, when the boaysies had a chap at the door telling them the match was about to start. Jester made time to give Prince a wee kiss as they hoofed it to the ring for a wrestle against the King Of Catch. If this match was announced a couple of months back you’d be like “Hydro? whit?” but both teams have been brilliant in the run up to the show. The Kings Of Catch were always very good at the wrestling and Girvan arguably stole the show at The Hydro last year, but their alliance with Stevie Boy and Kay Lee Ray has taken them up a level as a tag team. They’ve proper thrown themselves into it and something that might not have worked has instead elevated everyone involved. The same could be said for The Kinky Party, who have been cracking entertainment since their unlikely alliance began after Shug’s House Party. The dynamic has brought the best out in both character wise and has brought some of the funniest segments ICW has had in recent years. This match proved that it wasn’t just a big laugh though. They focused up and looked every bit the vastly experienced duo that they are.

The two teams battled up the ramp a bit, The Kings seemingly raging about being kept waiting by the Kinky Party’s mad shenanigans. Sha bust out the Fatsault (he calls it that, am no body shaming awrite, big is beautiful, everyone is beautiful) early on, before Jester went up top and hit a once in a lifetime cannonball captured spectacularly by David J.Wilson. All yer mad high flying Will Ospreay shit insnae usually Jester’s bag, but its The Hydro, and if there’s ever a time to jump on folk as if you’re sitting on a big comfortable armchair in mid-air, its when you’re wrestling at The Hydro. The Kings were in about some of that slick double team patter they’re good at, with The Kinkys busting out the double elbow drop as a retort. Sha took a beauty of a double superkick from Girvan and Faith, before that big dildo ominously got involved. Where does Jester even get that from these days. Not seen him carry it to the ring in ages. It’s like Aladdin summoning the genie by rubbing a lamp, but instead of rubbing a lamp, he rubs his or someone elses (with consent of course, we’re no starting a scandal here) fun parts.

The Kings were looking good for the win after Girvan hit that lovely rolling neckbreaker followed by a moonsault from Aspen but The Kinky Party are for real. They’re no JUST here to get steamin and get in situations that gives Sha that wide eyed “whit the fuck have I got myself into here?” look. Sometimes its about racking up W’s before ye get mad wae it and get one or both nipples pierced, and The Kinky Party done just that. Blocking The Kings Attempt at The Apter Burner before hitting a Spike Tombstone of their own for the win.

They celebrated with a bit of crowdsurfing as ye do. Cunts in the crowd need to stop dropping Sha but. I mean he’s nae crusierweight but a team of grown adults should be able to support his weight surely. Don’t be feart. He (probably) doesn’t bite. The Wee Man came out before the match and said he’d be offering his services to the winners so who knows where that’ll go. He’ll probably be subject to some form of initiation in a dungeon where Sha bails out early because he got spooked and took a mannequin a square go for looking at him funny. A hugely entertaining match that could easily have been forgettable considering all the good shit on the show. The fact that there was two straight up tag matches on the show and both were excellent shows you how good the tag division is right now. Kinky Party forever and ever but. For a team that came together without much of a plan, they’ve been tremendous entertainment and have been a big factor in the fun being injected back into ICW this year.

Joe Coffey vs BT Gunn – ICW Undisputed Title Match

Its cool seeing the likes of Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio in ICW. Even cooler to see homegrown guys chalk up career defining wins over them when they do pay a visit. Matching up with Angle and beating him in the main event last year felt like the culmination of a lot of hard work for Joe Coffey and that night will live with him for his whole career, but this was something else. This was two of the guys who have been at the absolute heart of this company as its grown. Integral every single step of the way. It’s only right that on the biggest night of the year, its them who have pride of place at the very top of the card. The two champions and two standout wrestlers of the past 4 or 5 years, Joe Coffey and BT Gunn. What a stoater of a battle it was when it got going as well. For me anyway, a standard only those two could produce on that stage.

They blocked each others finishers right at the start as both looked to catch the other cold. Sometimes its not good to land a big shot early on right enough. Just ask the Celtic team when they went a goal up in Paris the other week. Sometimes its better to bide your time when faced with a big bastard devil dug instead of sticking a thumb in its eye right away. Or the devil dug might just eat ye. BT whipped out a succession of tit melting chops, before both men locked in their signature submission moves with both making it to the ropes to force a break. It was like watching two heavyweight boxers feel each other out. Giving each other warnings before the telling blows really start to land. They scrapped a bit on the outside, Joe easing BT into the crowd before hitting a big running dive. As it was under Save Pro Wrestling rules, the referee was counting them out but Joe wrote that rulebook mate. He kens it inside out. Breaking the count before the two of them leathered each other all the way to a second count of 9, which saw them sprint back into the ring before continuing to wail on each other. BT hit a pouncing facebuster before Joe got the upper hand, forcing BT into the corner and hitting mad splashes. Nothing would work. Nothing was putting BT Gunn down. He entered the Hydro with both his alter ego’s at either side of him, but this BT Gunn almost felt like all three personas rolled in to one frightening ball. A ball that’s heavy good at the wrestling.

BT hit a codebreaker off the top, before someone made the ill advised devision to make Big Sexy put down his beer and sort some dafties out. That someone was Joe Coffey, after BT mistakenly hit referee Sean McLaughlin with the Gunnshot, Joe saw an opening and after flooring BT with a good old fashioned headbutt, he urged Red Lightning (who was fuckin brilliant on commentary throughout the match btw) to chuck him a steel chair. Primed and ready to knock BT out, big Nash wasn’t having it. For all the cunt’s that were indifferent and even booed him being announced, I get it right, but he was every bit the authority figure you need yer commissioner to be in that situation. An absolute giant who commands respect. It takes a brave or perhaps a really fuckin stupit man to try to rebel against a guy that size, but god bless Joe for having a swing eh. It widnae be me mate, but you decided to go for it and that’s admirable in a strange way. After Nash patching Joe’s offer for a too sweet, Joe cracked him full force with the chair originally intended for BT. The look Nash shot him told Joe it wasn’t his brightest idea, but the whole saga gave BT a chance to get up and nail Joe with a superkick, before accepting Nash’s offer of a Too Sweet. A lovely moment before BT picked up the chair now complete with a big Diesel shaped dent in it to swing it at Joe. Joe ducked and hit the first of several discus clotheslines as Thomas Kearins entered the fray to count two.

BT’s finisher the TechnoDrome DDT has a 100% success rate in ICW and is the only move that’s earned anyone a pinfall victory over Joe this year, so Joe kicking out of that told the story of what it was going to take to keep either of these mad bastards down for a three. So many lariats. BT went for the Gunnshot and Joe caught him German Suplex style. It was all happening let me tell ye. Joe was sick and fuckin tired of Thomas Kearins only counting to two, so tired he hit HIM with a German as well, and that left us with precisely nae refs. Sean McLaughlin was either deid at this point or he’d rolled under the ring to play Candy Crush on his phone, but either way, Red Lightning dragged him back in and literally counted with his cold deid hand only for BT to get the shoulder up again. Not tonight Joe ma man. Moose might have fallen. Keith Lee was put down for the 1,2,3. Every challenger with a set of baws and a set of boots has fallen at the feet of the Iron King but for once on the big stage, this was not to be his night.

The lights went out and suddenly there was three BT Gunns in the ring. I dunno if it counts as three superkicks or one big massive one but either way, Joe took three crackin kicks to the jaw before BT hit all the classics. Gunnshot, that Technodrome Joe kicked out off, followed by a crossface that seemed like it was getting the job done. Joe looked on the cusp of tapping but Rudo isnae just a manager. He’s not just a world class agent. He’s a get out of jail free card in a fetching grey suit. If Joe was drowning the bottom rope was his lifeboat and Red pushed it towards him, urging him to fight to keep that World Title, but there was nae fight left and after Red was superkicked out of the equation by BT 2 and BT 3, Joe could fight no more and he tapped out. BT Gunn securing the only title that’s eluded him as both his ICW Title reigns came before it was a World Title. Every fuckin honour you could think of has been BT Gunns at one point and its nice to see someone who for a long time was criminally underrated across the UK get the recognition he richly deserves. Both of them deserved that platform and produced a match well worth the spot it had.

Joe has hinted that this is the end of the road for him in ICW for now and if that’s the case, I think folk will only truly start to appreciate how good he is in his absence. No matter where he was on the card or what he was given to work with, the level of performance has never wavered and he done an admirable job as champion. Decisively beating everyone chucked in his path which have him an air of infallibility that made BT’s win over him even more significant. It’s all well and good beating a champion, but to beat one who’s been a real life superhero for years is another thing altogether. A wonderful feat and one that will hopefully be just a wee chapter in both of their stories. I sincerely hope if Joe is done its temporary and he’s just recharging the auld batteries, but if that’s really it and he’s off to pastures new, its been an absolute pleasure to see him do his thing to such a brilliant standard for so many years. From the best of 5 with Noam Dar, to the thankless struggle to get to the mountain top, all the way to a very strong title reign. BT has big boots to fill but something tells me he has more than enough to do the job. All the goodies jumped in the ring to celebrate with the new champ as they ended the Hydro the same way France 98 had ended the night before. In a mad taps aff party. Tits oot for the Hydro.

Overall a top quality show. From top to bottom a better show than the year before, and when it comes to running a venue the size of The Hydro, improvement is all ye can ask for. The crowd might have been a bit down from the previous year, but the quality of the show and ICW shows in general this year would say it wont be down again next year. Considering the stars that ICW have lost over the past year, to still get 4,000 folk to a British Wrestling show is a massive achievement. These mad bastards are only getting started.

Big thank you to David J Wilson as usual for the liberal use of his wonderful photos, and of course Warrior Fight Photography.

As hard it might be to imagine anything other than the imposing, deceptively floaty big unit of a man who we now know as “Wolfgang”, the big bad Wolf was once a young pup. A young pup who spent his youngest days growing up on an estate called “Haghill” in the East End of Glasgow. A place my missus also happens to hail from, and has described as “rough as fuck” in the past. Rough it may be, but it was the place that Barry Young’s love affair with Pro Wrestling had its beginnings. “It started when I was about 6 or 7 growing up in Haghill” he explained. A place notorious for its “young team” and a breeding ground for many a childhood scrap. Something Wolfgang himself never took a great amount of interest in. “Like the majority of wrestling fans, it was the first thing I remember seeing was wrestling, I couldn’t tell you who it was specifically but I imagine it was Hulk Hogan as he was my hero. I had wee cousins and mates from Haghill and we’d play wrestling. We used to play wrestling on this gable end and it was just concrete. So even from that age I would mimic what I’d see on the tele and by this point I didnt really know modern day wrestling. I only knew Hulk Hogan, The Ultimate Warrior and all that.”

Indeed he grew up in an era familiar to many of us, where WWE only existed on SKY and the only people who had SKY were confirmed or suspected drug dealers. How else would such a lavish lifestyle be possible? It was an era where a wrestling fan was only as good as his tapes. An era where Silver Vision provided an education better than any subject at school could. For me it was Summerslam 90 and WWE Year In Review 1993. For Wolfgang it was… “One was Royal Rumble 91 where Hulk Hogan came out and just smashed everybody and won it. I’d watch that over and over. The other one was mega matches, where you’d get to see a bit of macho man and stuff. I would watch them religiously and anywhere I went where I wanted to watch wrestling I’d take them with me. So its been a love affair as far back as I can remember. ”

A love affair that often led to a young Wolfgang demolishing his maws furniture. Maws will tolerate a lot of things from their boays, but there’s a limit to the amount of beds you’re allowed to break doing tombstone piledrivers before you end up sleeping on the deck. “You’ve no idea how many beds I’ve broke powerbombing my cousins through them. Showing them what wrestling is by actually doing it to them. The amount of times I’ve powerbombed my cousins when they didn’t want to be powerbombed *laughs*. I was actually watching tapes of what we used to do out my back garden the other day ”

It was these early years on the mean streets of Haghill that saw the start of a trend for the big man when he moved to Carntyne, a place that housed the the Haghill Young Team’s most storied rivals “When I was 10 I moved to Carntyne and that’s who Haghill used to fight. It would be he Haghill Powery against the Carntryne Goucho. I turned again like I’ve often done in my career with the various labels. Whatever one’s the most popular I go with that. ” It wasn’t until his first encounter with BT Gunn that Wolfgang started to consider wrestling an interest that went beyond bursting his maws furniture. Although the genesis of the “Extreme Wrestling Federation” would still require a wee bit of furniture to get the ball rolling.

“My first day at secondary school I met BT Gunn. I heard him talking to someone about the Ken Shamrock/Foley/Rock cage match they had, so I just kinda drifted towards him, and I got close enough to go “are you two talking about wrestling”. Tam was kinda just above me on the social scale, because he was into fitbaw and I’m sure a wee bit of street fighting when he was staying up in Riddrie. When I moved to Carntyne this was the first time I’d had a big back garden. He eventually came down and we’d put on these wee shows together. We changed the name so many times but I think the one we eventually stuck with was the Extreme Wrestling Federation, and there was nothing extreme about this. We had my ma’s cushions put on to a bit of astro turf my Da brought home. We had poles dug into the ground with washing lines tied round. So you couldn’t run them, couldn’t climb them, they were really just there for show. So I’ve loved it ever since the “dont try this at home” era” and now he’s on the show’s that have the “Don’t Try This At Home” warning before they air. Anything is possible kids. Although if you’re a kid reading this, ignore the profanity please. Stay in school. Don’t do drugs.

Wolfgang after being powerbombed through his Ma’s dining table for saying the gravy she made with his roast dinner was “thick enough to grout tiles”. Circa 1996.

Following the move to Carntyne, Wolfgang had his first exposure to new era WWE. Gone were the Hulk Hogans and Macho Mans, and in their place we had tits, unfiltered violence, blood, more tits, more blood, Savio Vega and a baldy guy who tanned cans in the ring. Paradise for any young man reaching a certain level of ‘maturity’. “When I turned on Sky the first thing I seen was Ken Shamrock belly to belly suplexing the entire Nation of Domination on RAW, and I was blown away by it. All the people I knew were all gone, or they’d become commentators or whatever. I fell in love with it all over again at that point. I loved this new, fresh style they were doing and I was just hitting puberty at the time so it was perfect”

Boasting years of experience with the EWF, Wolfgang was itching to finally join a proper wrestling school and turn this wrestling caper from fantasy to reality. Unfortunately he was looking for a career path that literally didn’t exist in those days. Almost as if you needed to know a secret handshake or a password to gain access to the boss level, then if you beat the boss you MIGHT be able to get some wrestling training. If you’re lucky.
“After wrestling out my mums back for so long, my dad came home with a newspaper article saying Jake The Snake was coming to a wrestling school in East Kilbride. I’d tried various ways to get into wrestling, including amatuer wrestling, and couldn’t get in. Couldn’t find a school and low and behold, WWE hall of famer Jake The Snake was coming to a wrestling school about 20 mile from my house. So I jumped on it right away.”

This would prove to be a vital time both personally and career wise for Wolfgang. In an era where wrestling and particular wrestling training wasn’t anywhere near the standard it is now, a bit of handy advice from a beleaguered veteran and meeting a merry band of brothers who would end up sticking with him throughout the years are undoubtedly big reasons why young Barry not only stuck with the wrestling, but a big part of the reason slightly aulder Barry is enjoying the most successful period of his career 15 years on.
“Jake wasn’t there the first day, but Red Lightning, Drew Galloway, Mark Dallas and Kid Fite were all there. I’d took a couple of pals with me, because it was always like I wanted to do it but I needed a pal there. It turned out one week one pal wouldnt go, and the other week the other wouldn’t, so I was the only one who really stuck it and the more I went the more I got to know Red Lightning, Galloway, Dallas etc and became close pals with them. When I started training our coaches always used to talk about how bad they had it, and now I’ve started coaching I’m trying no to be that guy, but it rings true sometimes just how hard we did have it.”

His first “match” was another eye opening experience for Wolfgang, and one he must consider an important one to reflect on when its all said and done and all anyone remembers is the glory days of ICW running places like the SECC and Hydro. It wasn’t always glory. It wasn’t always stoating out in front of 6,000 with aw sorts of pyro flying in and around your eyes. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of fighting against the bad and promoting the good before the balance started to shift and British Wrestling began its revival.
“I was just watching my first participation in a show not long ago, and it was me, a couple of other trainees, and the pro’s at the time, who lets face it, weren’t really in the best shape, they weren’t doing wonders for pro wrestling. I mean the attendance was dire, looking back I don’t remember it being that bad. I remember it being bad, but no THAT bad. I imagine its because its the first times I’d been in front of an audience like that. So you think of it being bigger, like “there was 500 of them there, they were aw going wild!” when really there was like 3 people in the crowd. ”

The standard of training at that time mostly existed as a “How not to train people to wrestle” guide for future reference and it was less the influence of the trainers and more the influence of his peers that helped Wolfgang become the polished, knuckle duster slinging bad mamma jamma we see today “When I started out it was on judo mats and we would just get powerbombed and stuff like it. It was more like we were getting bullied by the people training us but we were more learning from each other along the way. We were sort of this clan of people who watched wrestling, then mimicked it and got to experience it. When I first started the standard was bad aye, and it took a long time to sort of wean the bad stuff out. My first match I wore all white and sorts Sting type makeup. It was ridiculous. So I started off doing tag stuff and that was how I started going down south a lot. Down to Newcastle with a company called WZW. I was only about 16-17 then and I became and inter-promotional Champion” *laughs*

Whilst its since gone on to become synonymous with wolves, the name “Wolfgang” originally had nothing to do with wolves at all. It was instead derived from watching The Munsters.
“Wolfgang was meant to be this dark and mysterious character and it was never anything to do with Wolves. It was just the name. I wanted to be a kinda Sting character, with the face paint etc. When I wrestled oot ma back garden, my wrestling name was Damage. When I started training I told them my wrestling name was “Damage” . I dunno why, I always liked these one word names. Like Sting, Kane, etc. When I was in school I was watching The Munsters and Eddie Munster turned into a werewolf. He was called Eddie “Wolfgang” Munster, and it sorta came from there. I liked the werewolf aspect of it because people have always said I’m a different person when I get in the ring. Wrestling helped bring me out my shell in a lot of ways. Anybody who knows me will know that back then I was very quiet. I was just this wee, quiet, polite guy. My Ma had taught me my manners and to say please and thank you but when I got into a wrestling ring my character came out and my personality just flourished. So the link with werewolves is more that there’s two sides to me. The wee quiet guy and the werewolf that’ll tear you apart.”

His first wrestling road trip at the tender age of 15 turned out to be a life affirming event for young Wolfgang, as he finally got to meet the man who’s potential presence at a local wrestling school got him started. Whilst the hero in question, Jake The Snake Roberts, wasn’t doing very well at that time, the interaction with him is still held up as one of the key reasons for Wolfy’s success a story that came full circle when the two spoke again at Wrestlemania. An opportunity that only came up because of how much good Wolfgang done over the course of the UK Championship tournament that put him in that position in the first place. “The first time I got to step in a wrestling ring was down in Melksham for a compny called 3CW. We got on this mini bus, first time away from home, me Lightning, Drew etc. We were going down to work for a promotion run by the mate of the guy who was training us. It was my first time being away from my Ma n Da when I was about 15-16. I never ended up getting on the show, but that was the first time I actually met Jake. It was at the time he wasn’t really doing very well, but I always credit him for helping me out. I got to speak to him for 5 minutes back stage and it just blew my 15 year old mind. This icon was sitting in front of me speaking and its the exact same as watching one of his promos. You were just hooked on every word he was saying”

Jake’s own personal turnaround when he previously seemed at death’s door is proof enough in itself that anything is possible with a bit of hard work and elbow grease. Getting to speak to him again would have felt like an impossibility at one stage in both their respective journeys, yet the stars aligned for a reconciliation behind the scenes of the grandest stage of them all. The stage Jake once graced and the stage Wolfgang is shooting for. The be all and end all for anyone who’s ever laced up a pair of boots, or in John Cena’s case, double knotted a pair of gutties.
“I recently got to thank him for what he said to me at Mania this year. 15 years later. To be able to see him in those circumstances, where I’m on the other side of the guardrail was amazing. When I seen him I got goosebumps, because I always wanted to meet him again to kinda thank him for whatever he did do for me. And I got a chat with him, he said one of the nicest things he could have said to me. That he was very proud of what I’d done. He could just have been saying that to get me away from him, but it was nice to have that. A bit of a full circle thing for me. ”

Whilst that was one chapter in Wolfgang’s career that finally had its conclusion, another that might never see its end game is the story he is constantly crafting with BT Gunn. A rivalry that goes all the way from the Extreme Wrestling Federation in the backyards of Carntyne, to steel cage and dog collar matches in ICW. Its a rivalry Wolfgang clearly holds dear and a story that will seemingly forever be open ended. A story where a final chapter will only be written when one of the men draws their last breath.
“A match that gets overlooked is one in 2012 when BT was champ and it was one of the best matches we’ve ever done. I think it was overshadowed a bit because it was the night Iceman retired, but people really believed I could take it. No matter how many times a match has been done in the past, you can still get fans invested in it and we always tried to make the match something new and different from the last one. We did that with matches like the cage, dog collar, last man standing matches. Dog collar is one of my favourites because it was a really good match. Something substantial came from that stipulation, and I was really happy with that piece of work. The use of the dog collar was good as well. Whether we’re against each other or on the same side, its always something I throw myself into because I care about and I always want the story of me and BT Gunn work. BT Gunn is just incredible though. Quietly the best wrestler in the UK and my favourite wrestler to watch”

It seemed a far fetched notion in late 2014-early 2015 that BT Gunn and Wolfgang would ever end up on the same side, but this is wrestling. Things can do a full 360 in an instant and see you fighting wars alongside long time sworn enemies like its fuck all. Whilst the prospect of getting to team up with a guy who you know for a fact is really good at wrestling due to him doing wrestling stuff in the direction of your face for years beforehand must have been an attractive one, the idea of going a full calendar month without catching a team handed doing from the NAK certainly appealed to Wolfgang as well. “I was getting fed up of the NAK crushing my skull. The conclusion came at Barramania 2, when Divers was feuding with Renfrew and everyone thought I was coming down to save Divers. The reaction for turning the W into an N was the easiest nights work I’ve ever had. Easily the biggest reaction I’ve got for doing so little. Some people seen it coming, a lot of people wanted it to happen but the buzz after ending the feud with BT and joining the NAK is one I’ll never forget. Getting to team with BT after years of knocking seven shades of shite out each other, and getting to work with Renfrew who’s someone I always looked up to in terms of promo skills and addressing the camera. Being that close to him I got that knowledge, it still took me a long time but I’m starting to get there now.”

His alliance with the NAK was a shot in the arm for Wolfgang in ICW and returned him to the role of villain for the first time since The Gold Label’s tenure in ICW. Whilst he admits his more natural role in wrestling is as a crowd favourite, being able to do both is essential in an era where more different companies than ever might be looking to use a wrestler for different roles. “I’ve always been more comfortable as a babyface. When ICW started it would be me feuding with the likes of Red Lightning, but that all changed when The Gold Label started. It was basically me, Lionheart, and Red. We were 3 best mates, and we were the best of a bad bunch, and to put three of the better guys together was something that hadn’t really been done and something I was really excited about doing. Then James joined. I was kinda the big bad bruiser of the group, I had a lot of fun doing that stuff. One of the best times up until that point. That all kind of fizzled out and I would turn face from that point, no really feuding with anyone in particular I was just sort of the good guy on the show that would turn up and knock fuck out of someone. I got to be myself more from that point and show my personality like the Wolfgangnam style video and the Finding Wolfgang skits *laughs* . Thinking about it that’s embarrassing looking back on them now, I’ll need to get them taken aff *laughs*.

The bad news for the big man there is that the internet is forever. The good news is, at least its just a couple of funny videos and nothing involving anyone’s nipples. While the goofier side of Wolfgang was allowed to run wild back then, in the NAK it was all business and Wolfgang looks back on the feud the group had with Legion as a particular highlight.
“Three of the best in Europe vs three best mates. Stevie and Kay Lee were obviously part of that when they joined as well. Some of the matches we had were incredible. Edinburgh 3 on 3 with Stevie, me and BT was a brilliant match. Went all over the venue. Then the cage match at the SECC to end it. Cage matches are difficult on a show like that where you’re not going to get a huge amount of time, but the big thing I done in that match was again coming off the top of the cage. That seems to be my favourite thing about it. Climbing up it and jumping aff it. ”

The battle in the cage, which Wolfgang admits he’d have liked more time in after being eliminated early, brought the fued and seemingly the NAK to its natural end. As red hot and engaging as they were at the time, they were too driven individually to stay as a unit for the long whole. For the group of real life pals, it was very much time to divide and conquer and after a wild night in The Garage when they split and ended up wrestling each other in a wild Fatal Four Way for Renfrew’s newly acquired ICW Title, the turbo charged all star NAK was no more. “That brought the feud with Legion to an end and at that time we sort of lacked direction as a group. Being in the NAK was one of the most fun experiences I’ve had in wrestling ,because it was me and my genuine pals. At Halloween in 2015 we all came out as Batman villains and I’ll never forget that. Its one of they things that makes me love wrestling, and one I’ll look back on in 20 years time, as you don’t really get the chance to take it all in when its happening. After the Legion feud was over everybody wanted to do their own thing, and from my point of view I was a sick of being part of a group. I’d been in the Gold Label, The NAK, even The Black Label although I felt I was never really fully “in” The Black Label. That was Drew, Jester and Andy (Red Lightning), and I was just their big mate.”

“I’ve always said Wolfgang isnae a bad guy, he just keeps bad company”

There’s not likely top be many people that can pinpoint being in the bath as one of the key moments in their wrestling career but after years of graft, going up and down the UK taking (seldom) and dishing out (often) doings with little or no prospect of it going any further had began to bear fruit a few years earlier with rise of ICW and British Wrestling as a result, but the sweetest most ripest of wrestling fruit came to him pretty much as soon as his baws hit the water on one fateful evening when wrestling royalty phoned. “It all started for me in the lead up to The Hydro. We were on tour with ICW, in Manchester I think. I was against Noam, and at this time Regal was doing the rounds and scouting for it. I met him there and didnt really speak to him, but I was on with a guy Regal knew. I knew I’d be the guy with the ICW belt, and if Regal was sitting watching with Dallas he would be explaining how he’s going to be the guy with the title.”

Its a nice thing that the match responsible for WWE sitting up and taking notice of Wolfgang is the same one that made me sit up and take notice of him in 2012. The first match I seen in Scottish Wrestling happened to be Noam Dar vs Wolfgang. A cocky young Dar cutting a promo telling me and aw my pals we were aw smelly virgins (not true at all btw…I don’t smell…) before Wolfgang came out and gave him a doing. A routine that would repeat on the night it all changed.

“I had to show up that night. Noam kept me right though. I thought I’d have to go out and keep up with Noam, but that was never the case. I think the reason I got noticed in the first place is that I look like I can beat people up. That was what Noam was saying, they’re no looking for all the bells and whistles, if they look at you and think ‘I reckon this guy could batter this person’ then that’s what they’re after. So poor Noam, I just spent the whole match beating him up.”

Regal making a swift exit meant Wolfgang pretty much considered that to be that, but nothing’s a foregone conclusion when mobile phone technology means being in the bath isn’t a barrier between you and achieving your wildest dreams, so really there’s nae excuse for huvin BO at all. Don’t tell me you smell like a foot cause you’re waiting on NASA to phone and offer ye that job driving the spaceship mate. Nae excuses. Wolfgang got to the WWE via the bath, so really anyone can do anything they want and still be clean.

“I didnt really get the chance to speak to him after, but Noam passed me his email address so I sent him an email asking for feedback on the match. He sent me oneback explaining the next tryout was full but he’d give me a shout down the line. Fast forward about a month to The Hydro show and he emails asking for my number and within about a millisecond I sent it. I waited by the phone like “where urr ye Regal” and I waited and waited on him before I eventually decided he must just be looking for my number for future reference. So I jumped up the stairs for a bath after a few hours, forgetting the time difference and hes phoned me just as I’ve got in the bath. So there I am submersed in water , talking to William Regal. I thought to myself I better get out of here eh, so I’m out, walking about the house in a towel with William Regal on the phone telling me there’s gonnae be this 16 man tournament to crown the first ever WWE UK Champion, and you’re gonnae be the only Scottish guy in it. ”

Nae pressure there then eh?

A fine note to leave it on. Bath related shenanigans. Part Two will be up tomorrow at around 6pm. Tell yer pals. Share this piece of loveliness. Do it.