Hey, there's no rule that says the Management can't change how a fic is adapted into a film, right? We could totally include actors that paint over themselves, so we could have people with red, blue, purple, orange, etc. skin, right? It's the rainbow troupe!

Should I start a thread for sporking the good stuff? I'd love to see--at the very least--a group of sporkers (esp. Edgeworth and Phoenix) be led into the sporking theatre...and find that they're not being punished this time; they're being treated! Just to see one sporking with that sense of relief/false sense of hope would thrill me. I know I've seen a sporking where a fanfic started off really great, and watching Edgeworth's reaction was priceless! Here they are, waiting for the other shoe to drop...and it doesn't.

Should I start a thread for sporking the good stuff? I'd love to see--at the very least--a group of sporkers (esp. Edgeworth and Phoenix) be led into the sporking theatre...and find that they're not being punished this time; they're being treated! Just to see one sporking with that sense of relief/false sense of hope would thrill me. I know I've seen a sporking where a fanfic started off really great, and watching Edgeworth's reaction was priceless! Here they are, waiting for the other shoe to drop...and it doesn't.

Good idea, but there's no reason why it shouldn't be in this thread.

If you want to spork a good fic, a lot of the ones recommended lately are actually pretty good! Just also pretty silly, which is what you're looking for, really. Just as there are plenty of goodfics that can be sporked successfully, there are many badfics that are difficult to spork (for example, the Word of the Day one, and canon rewrites in most cases).

(Or, you know, anyone really, but you were definitely the first person I thought of.)

Heh, I was working on the stuff you sent me when this thing arrived. I don't like digging into bashfics, as I'd rather not hold any particular stance. However, as a badfic, it's definitely worth sporking. While Kay was meant to be written poorly, I notice even Maya ends up suffering from the same poor characterization. Eventually, it becomes less clear which of the two are actually the subject of the "bashing". I admit that the idea of Kay pressuring others into siding with her like some iron-fisted tyrant is inappropriately amusing, though.

Goodness, if there's a similar fic like this for Athena, I can just imagine the arguments posted. And speaking of those arguments, I'm actually tempted to spork them because some of them are so silly. I won't, though, as they're not fic material and it's probably for the best to leave them alone. They're almost 4 years old by now.

(Or, you know, anyone really, but you were definitely the first person I thought of.)

Heh, I was working on the stuff you sent me when this thing arrived. I don't like digging into bashfics, as I'd rather not hold any particular stance. However, as a badfic, it's definitely worth sporking. While Kay was meant to be written poorly, I notice even Maya ends up suffering from the same poor characterization. Eventually, it becomes less clear which of the two are actually the subject of the "bashing". I admit that the idea of Kay pressuring others into siding with her like some iron-fisted tyrant is inappropriately amusing, though.

Goodness, if there's a similar fic like this for Athena, I can just imagine the arguments posted.

Come to think of it, there's probably a similar fic about Iris, since people in the early parts of the kink meme looooooved to call her a Mary Sue, too.

Okaaaay, now that I'm giving it a full runthrough, it seems like I spoke too soon. EVERYONE is mischaracterized. Well, I hope this authornon was doing it intentionally, but based on his/her hate of Kay in some earlier comment (though I'm just guessing here), s/he probably didn't. And that makes it all the more worth sporking.

Geez, now which one am I supposed to focus on?

Edit: Aw, man. It was going so well until the whole Sailor Moon/DBZ shtick where all hell broke loose and all the authornon gives us is "it's a dream". Well, at least it's still much better than the reply fic, which was oh-so lacking.

And I reeeeeally feel tempted to spork the comments for their entertainment value. *sigh*

Yo, so I got a Bamboo tablet for Christmas and I was practicing using it, and long story short I made a Management-tan.

Spoiler: What am I doing with my life

She's dressed like that because there was a sporking in the first thread where someone from the Management actually showed up, and she was cosplaying as Maya by way of disguise.Also that's a speaker. But it could be a mask. Who knows?

A new sporking for the new year! A collaboration between myself and Rubia-senpai!This fic is called Ace Attorney: Truth Remains by Mr. Demon Lawyer.

We're giving it There are plenty of typos and grammar problems, but the mystery element is presented clearly. It has a rather crude writing style that makes the narrative feel clunky, and sometimes the flow of the story is clogged. Also, the author should use discretion with proper spacing.

Today's sporkers are....Kay Faraday! "It's New Year's, or close enough anyway, so I can afford to be generous to the Management."Maya Fey! "Still no snacks? Was the Management's New Year's resolution to be extra stingy?"Athena Cykes! "Not a bad rating this time. Bring it!"aaaaaaaaand...Simon Blackquill and Taka! "Does Taka not deserve his own introduction? Hmph." "(;¬_¬)"

[We open up in our sporking theatre - a normal one, for once. Maya Fey and Kay Faraday are already seated, and are deep in conversation.]

Speakers: ...give us a hint. Whatever you were planning - will it involve that somehow?

Maya: Yes.

Kay: No.

Athena: Maybe. *winks at Maya and Kay*

Speakers: So you're all in on it...

Blackquill: I refuse to be privy to this foolishness.

Quote:

February 13, 9:55 AM

District Court- Defendant Lobby No.3

POV: Athena Cykes.

Blackquill: A good author would describe a point of view, not declare one...

Maya: If it were a good author, we wouldn't be here.

Quote:

A yellow suited girl walked nervously around the room. Why is he not here yet? The trial is about to start. Is not like him being late.

"Is something wrong, miss?" A deep voice said. The girl turned to see a big man with long,raven hair and stubble on his face.

Maya: Ugh, did Nick go hobo again?

Quote:

He wore an open black overcoat over a dark brown jacket, grey suit pants, black boots and a black hat. He was pushing down his hat, which covered his eyes.

Athena: If he did, he got a heck of a lot cooler!

Kay: Meh. Too many neutral tones.

Maya: What, you want him dressed in some weird pinkish-red color like Mr. Edgeworth?

Kay: Speaking of Mr. Edgeworth... I thought him and Mr. Wright were going to be here today.

Speakers: It seems certain negotiations with our investors went a little sour toward the end, and sadly, we must cut back on plans for extra facilities. It's only fair that we offer a compromise of sorts.

Maya: ...and what have you done with him?

Speakers: We'll tell you if you tell us what you and Kay Faraday... and apparently Athena Cykes... have planned.

Athena: No way! You'll ruin everything!

Quote:

"Mr Stone!" She replied. " Have you seen Apollo?"

"The loud mister from yesterday?" His voice was very deep and he spoke slowly.

Maya: Oh, false alarm. It was the defendant OC.

Athena: Honestly, I'm a little disappointed.

Quote:

"Yes, he usually comes before me, but he's not here yet."

"Theres is no need to worry. A morning with a soft breeze and a cloudy sky with some sunny spells. It's a good time for the last breath. He will surely rest in peace."

"What? No, he's not dead." Ok, I'd better call him. She reached into her pocket, looking for her phone, but she found nothing. Shoot. I forgot it again.

Athena: Hey! There's no way I would just forget my phone like that!

Maya: Well, this doesn't look good. She's alone with a suspect who assumes people are dead, and she doesn't have a phone...

Kay: Not to mention, he looks like he could hide a weapon in that coat...

Blackquill: Or perhaps he isn't merely assuming...

Taka: (`ワ´)

Athena: C-cut it out, guys. It started off weird, so you don't have to make it worse...

Blackquill: I disagree. It would be far more entertaining if so.

Athena: ...For the record, we're talking about Apollo, not me, right?

Quote:

"We have a special discount on coffins today: two for one. But someone else would have to join your friend in his last journey. Are you feeling healthy today, miss?"

Blackquill: He's making them. There's no other reason why a man must stand trial.

Athena: Just because he's on trial doesn't make him a murderer...

Blackquill: *smirk* ...Words of a desperate lawyer.

Widget: (`へ´) Who asked you!

Taka: (⌐_⌐メ)

Quote:

My name is Athena Cykes and I'm a rookie defense attorney. This man here is my client. He's been accused of murder. He's kind of creepy, probably the reason why nobody else wants to defend him.

Athena: A-am I that desperate for a client?

Maya: You work for Nick, don't you?

Quote:

But it's the job of a lawyer to look out for the people who have no one on their side. That's what my boss always says. And I know from experience how huge the difference between being alone and having people supporting you can be. That's why I took his case.

Maya: Wow, just like how Nick used to do... before he went hobo and shady and all, of course.

Athena: At least he went un-hobo and not-shady! Eventually.

Kay: Yeah, it only took him, what, seven years?

Blackquill: Eight years.

Athena: Still.

Quote:

My co-worker, Apollo Justice, was supposed to be here as my co-counsel, but he's nowhere to be found. That doesn't mean he's dead. I think. I hope.

Athena: Hey! I wouldn't ever think he'd be dead, even if he was attacked!

Maya: What, does he have Nick's magical not-dying abilities?

Athena: Well, he did survive a pretty nasty blow to the head!

Kay: ...is that sort of thing a requirement for being a defense attorney?

Maya: I kind of wish it were...

Athena, Kay: ... *look around awkwardly*

Quote:

"Athena, are you crying?" A young girl dressed in a magician outfit approached her.

"Trucy! What are you doing here?"

"It's for Polly. He's at the graveyard." Oh, no. So it was true. Athena hugged Trucy.

Athena: H-huh!?

Maya: Wow, poor Apollo.

Kay: He'll be missed.

Blackquill: ...Cut down in his prime, and not a sign to be seen.

Taka: (-_- )三( -_-)

Athena: ...Wait. There really isn't any sign of his death, is there?

Quote:

"I'm so sorry." Her sobbing was interrupting her words. "Cry if you need it. I know you too were really close."

"I don't know what are you talking about, but Polly ask me to bring you something."

Maya: Wow, Trucy's such a brat here.

Kay: The real one's way more clever and cuter!

Athena: No objections there!

Quote:

"You mean...like his last will?"

"Still don't know what are you talking about. Polly told me that he woke up early this morning and decided go investigate the crime scene. Apparently you couldn't do it yesterday."

"Yes. The police didn't let us do it." Wait, so he's alive?

Athena: ...So is he, or isn't he!? Get to the point already, author!

Quote:

"Are you okay? You keep crying and crying."

"Apollo is alive!" Widget beeped, glowing green.

"I know. I talked to him earlier. He's been calling you, but you didn't answer the phone, so he called me. He wanted me to tell you that he would like to do some more investigation, so he would be late".

Athena: Hey!! I'm way smarter than that! I wouldn't let that Stone guy make me think Apollo was dead! Gimme a break, author!!

Blackquill: You certainly seemed confused about it just a moment ago.

Athena: That's just because of the poor writing! You gimme a break, too!

Quote:

She stopped to pull out a big book with a brown cover. "He also give me this for you."

Book added to the Court Record

(A huge book. Apollo sent it to me.)

Maya: *imitates tour guide* And if you look to your left, you'll see the Court Record showing up out of nowhere!

Kay: *continues imitating tour guide* And with it, you'll see some evidence, also suddenly appearing out of nowhere!

Athena: *tour guide voice* And if you look to your right, you'll see... nothing! Because there isn't any real description here!

Blackquill: ...

Quote:

"A book? What I'm supposed to do with it?"

"Maybe... read it?"

Maya: Wow, I wouldn't have guessed! If it were me, I would stuff that into one of Nick's drawers and never pull it out again!

Athena: Aren't his drawers already full with books no one will ever read?

Maya: Actually, most of those are on his bookshelves.

Quote:

"But the trial is about to start! I don't have the time to read such a huge book right now!"

"Then...why don't you check it in detail?"

"Check it in detail?"

Kay: Just hit the "Check" button, spin it around, and poke at some places!

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Kay Faraday refrain from breaking the fourth wall...

Athena: Heh heh, soon, you won't be able to make requests like that ever again! *twirls invisible mustache*

Speakers: !! What are you planning?!

Blackquill: ...Athena, you really shouldn't provoke them.

Athena: Eh, what's the worst that could happen?

Maya: You probably shouldn't ask that.

[And she goes over how to look at things and points out the number on back of her badge.]

Quote:

"That's my ID number. The bailiffs always check it before I can enter the courtroom. That's how they make sure that I'm me and not a phony."

Maya: I guess they started doing that after the whole "cardboard badge" fiasco.

"Really? I don't remember nobody checking Polly's badge in his trials. Or Daddy's, for that matter. Maybe they just don't believe that you are an actual lawyer." Should I be offended, or worried about the lack of proper security? Because I'm offended.

Maya: "Ycurt", shame on you! Don't you know that double negatives don't make a positive?

Kay: Huh? Why-curt?

Maya: No, no, it's "E-curt"! Trucy's evil twin!

Athena: ...You know, that'd actually make more sense.

Quote:

"Well, now's your turn. Check out the book."

"Got it!" Athena said, taking the book to examine it."Let's see. The title is "Court Manners 101". Wait a moment. Is this some kind of innuendo!? Is he making fun of me!?" She threw away the book in anger.

Kay: Innuendo, huh? I wonder what kind of innuendo...

Maya: Well, it is a big, thick book... *snickers*

Athena: And it does need to be examined. *imitates the Hickfield grabby-hands*

Blackquill: ...Or perhaps, there is none.

Athena: Don't be silly, Simon. There's always some strange sex joke.

Blackquill: ...

Quote:

"Woah. Talk about an overreaction."

"Sorry."

Maya: Talk about an underreaction.

Athena: What? Me throwing a book on the ground?

Kay: Nah, the bit about you apologizing for throwing a book on the ground.

Blackquill: ...You ladies have no respect for the printed, do you?

Kay: Everything's digital nowadays.

Quote:

"Hey, look." Trucy pointed to a white card on the floor."That thing dropped from the book."

Athena leaned down to pick it up. It had an horribly drawn Apollo's face and the words "You're fine" written on it. "What the heck?"

Athena: Seriously.

Quote:

"Maybe Polly feels bad for leaving you all alone and this is his way of trying to calm your nerves."

"I'm not nervous!"

"Yes, she is." Widget chirped.

"Shut up, Widget."

Maya: If you don't like your little gadget blurting out your feelings all the time, why don't you just turn it off?

Athena: Because Widget is very helpful and also very important to me! ...that, and I'm not actually sure how to turn him off.

Taka: (*｀へ´*) 彡3

Athena: Oh, hush.

Taka: -`д´-

Widget: ヽ(｀⌒´メ)ノ

Taka: ▼益▼

Widget: (」゜ロ゜)」

Taka: 凸(｀0´)凸

Blackquill: That's enough. Both of you.

Quote:

"Well, I'd better get going." Trucy said."If I'm not back at school soon they will realize that I'm not there."

"You're playing hooky!? That's a no-no! But how did you manage to leave without anyone noticing?"

"Magic." She knocked her head and stuck out her tongue."Goodbye and luck in there." She left the lobby, as happily as she had entered it.

Maya: I knew Ycurt was up to no good! She's totally unlike Trucy!

Kay: That's what makes them "evil" twins, you know.

Athena: Well, this explains why she's not good with grammar.

[And then court begins...]

Quote:

February 13, 10:00 AM

District Court- Courtroom No.2

"The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Tom Stone." The judge said, banging his gavel.

Behind the prosecution bench, there was a bald man, although the sides of his hair remained and were grown to his neck. He wore a yellow suit and a red tie, and the light reflected in his glasses.

Meanwhile, at the defense bench, Athena was sweating jets.

Kay: That description makes me imagine Athena shooting streams of sweat out of her pores at high pressure.

"Yes!" She replied, crossing arms and grinning "I'm fine! And ready! And psyched! And ready!"

"She wants to run out of here." Widget beeped.

"Widget! I'm trying to bluff!"

"It's natural for her to be scared, Your Honor." The prosecutor chimed in. "For she is facing Winston Payne, the older brother of her most feared enemy." Most feared enemy? Well, he certainly creeps me out, but... "She must be living a nightmare right now. You're right to be scared, Ms. Cykes" He flicked his hair. Now that was definitely nightmarish. "I'm like my brother, but hardened by experience." More like worn by age, if you ask me.

Athena: ...creep.

Quote:

"In any case, I would like to ascertain Ms. Cykes' readiness with a small test." the judge said.

What? A test? Now? That's not the standard procedure. Or it is? Great, now I'm blank. What I'm going to do? Wait, I have this book, "Court Manners 101". It has all the basics about the courtroom. If I can't remember something, I always can take a quick peek of it.

Athena: Ooooh... this fic is really getting on my nerves! You think I'd need something like that!? I know how to answer some questions!

Maya: Wait, didn't she toss it away earlier? She only kept the card in it, right?

Kay: Maybe she's waiting for a moment to sprint out of there to fetch it?

Athena: Like I said, I don't need that stupid book! What was Apollo - or rather, Ollopa thinking!?

Maya, Kay: ... *snicker*

Quote:

"First question: Who's the victim in this case?"

Maya: Quick, pick the name of your mentor! Or co-counsel! Or the defendant!

Athena: Heeey!

Kay: Come on, these questions never have any penalties...

May: ...which means you need to pick the silliest option!

Kay: Duh!

Speakers: ...you two think far too much alike.

Blackquill: ...As far until ladders are involved.

Athena: Stepladders, Simon.

Taka: (=_=;)

Speakers: Unless your crazy plan involves (step)ladders, that does not make us feel any better.

Athena: Good.

Quote:

The victim? Okay, all the little information I have about the case should be in the court record. "Got it! That's a trick question. The victim in this case hasn't been identified yet"

"And how come that?"

"Well" Athena moved her finger across the holographic screen in front of her. "The body was discovered yesterday at the graveyard, but according to the autopsy report, he died over a week ago. That's way the corpse was too deteriorated to be properly identified." Eeeeww.

Kay: Eeeeww indeed.

Blackquill: This should be trivial for a fellow investigator of Edgeworth-dono's.

Kay: But we've never dealt with a rotten corpse before! Not only is it eeeeww-worthy, Mr. Edgeworth would never take a case with one!

Blackquill: And why is that?

Kay: Don't you know? There's the chance it could have been infected or mutated... and turn into a zombie!

Blackquill: ...Just how did my superior come to associate with the likes of you...?

Kay: It's a long story, buddy.

Quote:

The judge nodded. "You seem ready enough. But there's something I don't understand. If the crime occurred over a week ago but the body wasn't discovered until yesterday, why have the police already a suspect?"

"That's an easy one! They found traces of blood on the gravedigger's shovel, and consequently arrested his owner, the gravedigger, Mr. Tom Stone."

"OBJECTION!" Payne shouted." It's not the job of the prosecution to give the opening statement?"

"That may not be necessary, Mr. Payne." The judge replied. "The defendant seems pretty guilty right now."

Blackquill: Not in the least... You can't declare something as "stolen" if the attempt to steal has failed.

Kay: Hmm... words to remember, indeed.

Maya: Hey, we could always try it that way...

Speakers: ...You all are coming to sound more and more suspicious by the minute.

Blackquill: Need I repeat myself?

Speakers: ...Fine, the other three are. If you don't stop that this instant, things will turn for the worse...

Athena: And how?

Speakers: You may not be seeing those two lawyers for a while, wherever they may be now. Do you really want to risk that...?

Maya: *thumb-up* Oh, in that case, help yourselves!

Kay: *thumb-up* We'll cover the bases here!

Athena: *thumb-up* Count on it!

Speakers: ...These ladies are unusually resilient, all of a sudden.

Quote:

"HOLD IT." Everybody was surprised. Stone took the stand. "I have a problem with the defense statement"

"Wait, is the defendant cross-examining the defense!? Should not be the other way around!?"

Maya: Wouldn't be the first time.

Kay: I've lost count how many times.

Athena: In the fics or on the job?

Maya, Kay: Both.

Quote:

"But Miss Cykes has said something awfully wrong." So this is not going that bad, after all. Finally a bit of luck.

Maya: Uh... when is the defendant speaking up against the defense ever a GOOD thing?

Kay: Hmm, but she was pretty much going to fail right there just because she didn't speak up.

Athena: I-it's just the nerves! I'm sure I'll be back to normal once I get into the jig of things!

Blackquill: ...Which is to say, when Wright-dono or Justice-dono come to your rescue once more.

Athena: N-no... that's not it.

Quote:

"She said that "The body was found yesterday at the graveyard."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"Well, Happy Ending Cemetery is not just some dusty graveyard." Everybody stared at him. "We're a proud institution that dates back to the nineteenth century. A sacred place where those who are no longer among us can finally rest in peace, providing all the necessary amenities to ensure a comfortable eternal sleep." I though the eternal sleep was already ensured without any amenities.

Athena: Maybe someone decided to freshen up its image and changed the name.

Maya: ...of a cemetery?

Quote:

"And all at incredible prices and with special discounts every day of the week." Stone handed flyers to everybody.

Maya: Huh? He's actually advertising himself on the stand...?

Athena: Special discounts? For what?

Kay: Hmm... maybe he gives different prices for different ways of death?

Maya: Oh! So would there be a super special discount if say, someone were to die by dropping into icy rapids that'd sweep you away, never to be found again, because the guy tried making it across a burning bridge?

Athena: And I've got the perfect plan for a certain prosecutor on New Year's...

Blackquill: Don't be surprised if he sues you, then.

Widget: ಠ_ಠ

Taka: (´ー`)

Widget, Taka: ( `¬)爻(¬´ )

Quote:

He banged his gavel. "Should we now proceed with the verdict?"

"OBJECTION!" Athena shouted.

"What now? Do you also have a problem with your claims, Ms. Cykes?"

"Actually, yes. Mr. Stone was arrested because his fingerprints were found on the murder weapon. But he's the gravedigger and that shovel is his tool! It's natural for his fingerprints to be all over it! That's far from enough to render a verdict! Anyone wearing gloves could have use the shovel to commit this crime!" Yeah. Now you're on the ball, Cykes.

Athena: Geez... couldn't I have said that earlier to save us all the hassle?

Kay: Hey, you said so yourself that it's "just the nerves".

Maya: And that you'd eventually "get into the jig of things".

Blackquill: Of course, given your record, "eventually" is too long.

Taka: (¯~¯)

Athena: ...

Quote:

"OBJECTION!" Payne screeched, moving his hand. "And that's why is the prosecution who should ever give the opening statement."

"Just get to the point already." Widget chirped.

"All of the tools of the gravedigger are kept in a locked storage room in the funeral home. And the one and only key to that room, belongs to the defendant!"

Athena: Yeah, well, maybe if you knew how to talk without stammering, you'd be better qualified to give an opening statement.

Maya: Stammering?

Athena: "That's why is"?

Kay: Don't you mean "not knowing grammar"?

Quote:

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!" Athena flinched. "But, but...Mr Stone! Tell me that you lost the key."

Athena: And would you quit that already!? I don't freak out over every little thing!

Blackquill: ...

Athena: At least not like that!

Quote:

"That would be difficult." Mr Stone said, reaching his collar and pulling out a chord with several keys hanging on it. "I always keep all the keys around my neck."

"All the keys?"

"Yes. Let me explain. Please, look at this plan."

Cemetery plan added to the Court Record

(The funeral home is on the right side of the cemetery. Inside it, there's a hallway with two rooms on each side. On the left, the storage room, with a door leading outside, and the shop, with a door to the hallway. On the right, the Farewell Room, with a door to the hallway, and the Crematorium, whose only door connect to the Farewell Room.)

Maya: ...

Kay: What's up?

Maya: Is it just me, or isn't the prosecution supposed to be the one presenting these floor plans?

Athena: Yeah, but he's just presenting a "cemetery plan".

Maya: So it's a plan for a cemetery?

Kay: Or a plan involving a cemetery?

Blackquill: A murder plan.

Athena: Hey, quit it. Even as a really bland OC, he's not that bad.

Quote:

"All of the rooms in the funeral home are locked when not in use. That's why I have keys to the shop, the Crematorium, and the Farewell Room along with the keys to the cemetery, the funeral home main entrance and the storage room. Nobody could enter them without my permission."

Keys added to the Court Record

(The keys to the cemetery, the funeral home, the storage room, the crematorium, the farewell room and the shop. Mr. Stone always keep them with him.)

Athena: And one more thing, author! You could have shortened this part so much by using the word "all", you know...

Maya: Nah, that won't happen. These kinds of authors always go for the silliest ways to write their fics.

Kay: Or the most disturbing. *shudder*

Maya: ...You didn't have to remind me.

Speakers: The Management would like to encourage reminders.

Quote:

"So, in a nutshell, you're the only one with access to the murder weapon?"The judge asked.

"No." Stone replied."Actually, I lost the shovel last week. I didn't find it until yesterday."

"But of course." Payne flicked his hair. "But first, I'd like Mr. Stone to testify about the discovery of the body, for the sake of clarifying the case. He happens to be one of the first persons to the scene."

"It seems like a good idea to me. We need to know everything related to this case to reach a proper verdict" The judge agreed.

Kay: He sure seemed ready to pass judgment earlier.

Blackquill: If it had been me at the prosecution's bench, this trial would already be finished.

Quote:

"Any objections from the defense?"

"None, Your Honor." Athena replied.

"Witness, state your name and occupation." Payne demanded.

Maya: No transition? Oh, okay.

Quote:

"My full name is Tom Bartholomew Stone. My job is to build the final and eternal home for those who have already closed their eyes forever." Neve thought I would meet a pretentious gravedigger."

"Please, testify about the moment when the body was discovered."

"As you wish."

Witness Testimony

-Discovering the body-

Maya: But even these lines are added in? Get your stuff together, author...

Blackquill: Wait. Why has the defendant's full name not been mentioned prior?

Kay: Hey, is that part with the "Neve" supposed to be his lines or fic-Athena's?

Athena: ...Neve's, of course, whoever that is.

Quote:

"The body was discovered yesterday.

It was a cold and foggy evening. A good time for the last breath.

A lady came to me with a complaint.

Her father's grave was supposed to be dug by then, but apparently it wasn't.

We walked to the tombstone, and I could see that she was right.

I immediately started to dig.

Very deep under the ground, there was a coffin.

And inside it, a body long abandoned by its soul."

Kay: That doesn't sound too unusual for a cemetery.

Maya: Yeah, what was he expecting? There was already a gravestone there and everything!

Blackquill: ...it's not an uncommon practice to place a headstone at one's burial plot long before the death.

Maya: Oh.

Athena: That doesn't explain why each line of the testimony was its own mis-punctuated paragraph.

Blackquill: ...And how is that my problem? It's the author's poor choice to imitate how testimonies are given in the game.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Simon Blackquill that breaking the fourth wall is strictly forbidden.

Athena: You can't tell him what to do!

Speakers: Yes, we can. Because it's this man's honor and duty to protect his superiors, who may or may not be under our control at this very moment...

Blackquill: *twitch* Try not to provoke them further, Athena.

Taka: (｀◇´)

Quote:

"So, who's that other person who was there when the body was discovered?" The judge asked.

"That would be Ms. Helen Pick. Her father's funeral was scheduled for today, but his tombstone had been settled in the graveyard for a while." Stone replied.

"I'd like to present this photo taken where the body was found and the coffin as evidence." Payne stated

"The court will accept them into the record."

Photo of the grave added to the Court Record

(Three tombstones can be seen on the photo, John Donat's on the left, Joe Pick's on the middle and James Onmey's on the right. In front of the middle one, there's a deep grave.)

Maya: Um... okay, I get the guy who has an empty grave, but who are the other two?

Kay: Forget them! Check out that "unpolluted" coffin!

Maya: Wow! It sure is "unpolluted"!

Athena: Well, you know what they say! "Looting and polluting is not the way!"

Maya: "Hear what Captain Planet has to say!"

Kay: "The power is YOURS!" *point*

Blackquill: ...

Taka: (-_-?)

Speakers: ...Normally, we would have filed a complaint for direct copyright infringement, but in this case, it was amusing enough for us to waive it.

Girls: *hi-five*

Quote:

"That's one of our special new-fashioned Rank-A coffins." Stone explained. "Cozy, right?" Well, it does seems kind of comfortable, but I doubt our victim would care about that. "What's the matter, miss? Want to try it?"

Right, the cross-examination. I've done this lot of times. Well, maybe not lots, but a few. And I can take a peek of this book if I need it. Press, present, I can deal with. Oh, you can present profiles, too? That's a new one.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Maya Fey that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Kay: This fic breaks the fourth wall. Do you really expect us to not comment on that?

Speakers: Hmm... very well, we will be reasonable. We'll waive the fourth-wall breaking rule for this sporking... if you tell us what you're planning.

Athena: Ooh, resorting to bribery now?

Maya: It's not gonna work!

Speakers: In that case, just wait until we show you all the fics we have found recently...

Athena: Okay, back to threats.

Kay: Bah.

Quote:

Cross-Examination

-Discovering the body-

"The body was discovered yesterday.

It was a cold and foggy evening. A good time for the last breath.

A lady came to me with a complaint.

Her father's grave was supposed to be dug by then, but apparently it wasn't.

We walked to the tombstone, and I could see that she was right.

"HOLD IT." Athena interrupted. "So, you didn't notice that the grave wasn't dug until Ms. Pick take you there?"

Kay: They're doing the testimony thing again...

Maya: Props for trying to keep it accurate, I guess.

Blackquill: If this were accurate, Athena would be shouting "Hold it!" after every line.

Athena: What? Pressing is a legitimate strategy!

Quote:

"Yes, that's right."

"Do you have a problem with the witness statement?"

"Of course I have!" Athena slammed the desk. " Mr. Stone, you are the gravedigger! If a grave that should have been dug wasn't, then you should be the first one to notice!"

"!"

"Ms. Cykes has a point" The judge agreed. "Why didn't you notice it?"

"So it has come to this." Stone muttered. " I wanted to keep it a secret but it seems I have no choice. I must confess."

Wait, confess? I hope this is not going where I think is going.

Maya: Fake tension is faaaake.

Kay: No, wait. Maybe it's real... The real deal.

Athena: Real deal? What deal?

Maya: "Thanks to our limited offer today, buy one coffin now and get a second one absolutely free!"

Kay: An entire testimony as an ad! I like!

Athena: If that's what he really confesses to... then this fic will have become so awesome!

Blackquill: ...Which means, it's never going to happen. Besides, what would that explain?

Maya: That's the point, silly!

Quote:

Witness Testimony

-Confession-

"Ms. Pick is a very exigent client.

She wanted her father's grave to be dug next to her mother's long before the funeral.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to fulfill that task.

When she complained about it, I pretended to be surprised.

I have a reputation to uphold."

Athena: HOLD IT! What's this about her being "exigent"?

Blackquill: It means she's a very demanding woman... quite like you.

Athena: What? Of course not!

Maya: But you do press people a lot.

Kay: Any lawyer presses people a lot. It's what you guys do, don't you?

Athena: ...Yeah, okay. I guess we are pretty "exigent" folks.

Blackquill: ...Somehow, you all have come to missed my point.

Quote:

The judge opened his eyes in shock. "So you never actually dug the tomb?"

"No."

"But there was even a body buried there!"

"That's someone else work, I'm afraid."

Well, that wasn't that bad. But...there's something there that doesn't add up. What could it mean?

Blackquill: It means that the defendant is guilty.

Taka: (￣ω￣)

Athena: No, it means we still need more info!

Blackquill: We've had enough of your pointless pressing!

Athena: But even you can't deny that my client has more things to explain!

Blackquill: And that only adds to his suspicion...

Athena: Yeah, well... just because he's suspicious doesn't make him a murderer!

Blackquill: Hmph, wasted words... if His Baldness were here, the trial would be over.

Athena: (...Thinking about it, what were we even arguing about?)

Quote:

"The defense may cross-examine the witness."

Cross-Examination

-Confession-

"Ms. Pick is a very exigent client.

She wanted her father's grave to be dug next to her mother's long before the funeral.

"OBJECTION!" Athena shouted.

Blackquill: ...Not bothering to uphold your own claims of "pressing is a legitimate strategy"?

Athena: Well, maybe the contradiction was just really obvious!

Blackquill: ...you say "maybe" as though you haven't already figured out what the contradiction is.

Athena: Uh...

Quote:

" Are we to take that Mr. Pick want to be buried next to his wife?"

"Correct."

"But that's weird. Please, look at this photo of the grave. None of the tombstones next to Mr Pick's belongs to one Ms. Pick!"

"That has to be a mistake. I personally set that tombstone next to Ms Pick's long time ago."

Maya: Yeesh. This gravekeeper is starting to lose it.

Kay: Makes you wonder why this really picky lady would go here for his services.

Maya: The discounts, obviously.

Kay: *nodding* That explains everything.

Athena: And the state of their business, but that's only expected!

Quote:

"Long time ago?" The judge asked

"Yes. Many years ago, actually. Mr. Pick was so keen about been buried next to his wife that short after her funeral, he make me put his own tombstone next to her's."

Kay: Wow, so long ago that he's lost his sense of proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

Maya: Oh, let it go. It happens to old people all the time, especially if they're over 30.

Athena: Better watch out, Simon! You're 28 this year, right?

Blackquill: ...Unbelievably, 30 years are not even enough to be qualified as "middle-aged".

Maya: I know, it's so sad when these mistakes show up anyway.

Quote:

"Someone booking a place in the graveyard is certainly not an everyday matter. " The judge said. "But the tombstone has definitely changed his place since then. Any theories at this respect Ms. Cykes?"

Why does he always have to ask me? Let's think about this. Mr. Pick's tombstone used to be next to his wife's, but now it's not. It couldn't have move on its on, and if you think about what else happened, it become obvious who moved it. "Your Honor, I think the person who moved the tombstone...is not other than the culprit behind this case!"

Blackquill: How insulting, Cykes-dono. Do you really think anyone else would be so inane as to move a tombstone? The use of lift cars at a graveyard would give away anyone's plans.

"Exactly. That's why, to keep this crime hide forever, they disguised the body as a buried person. They put it inside a coffin and moved a tombstone on top of the grave. Everything to prevent other graves to be dug there!"

Does it means anything? "Of course it means!"That's it. My opportunity to get the upper hand.

Kay: "Of course it means!"

Maya: "Of course means it!"

Kay: "It course of means!"

Maya: "Means of it course!"

Athena: ...Okay, okay, already! (*sob*)

Quote:

"Despite all of the culprit's efforts, the body was discovered anyway. That's because they made the mistake of picking the only tombstone in the cemetery that still didn't have anyone buried under it. That begs the question: Who would commit that error?"

Blackquill: No one, considering that the only tombstone in the cemetery that didn't have anyone buried under it would also be the only tombstone in the cemetery without a death-date engraved on it.

Maya: ...there goes that contradiction.

Kay: Is this trial worth arguing anymore? I don't see it.

Athena: Me neither... even though I don't want to give in.

Quote:

"Well, that information is not common knowledge. Most of people could have make a mistake like that."

"Yes, it'd be easier if we count who wouldn't commit that error. And the first person who should come to our minds, is the person in charge of the graves, the person who put that tombstone there in the first place, someone who knew for a fact that there wasn't anyone buried there. The defendant, Mr. Tom Stone!"

"But, then that means..."

"That he is, without a doubt, not guilty!" Athena yelled, grinning.

"Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Payne flinched

Athena: Hah! At least the joke's still on Payne!

Blackquill: That means nothing.

Athena: *shrink*

Maya: Yeah, I mean, it's always on him. It was my Sis who struck the first blow long ago.

Kay: Yeah, but it's your sister. She's always awesome.

Maya: You bet!

Quote:

"Ms. Cykes logic is very sound." The judge said. "It's hard to keep labelling Mr. Stone a suspect, given the facts."

Blackquill: Your Baldness, I suggest you begin searching for a retirement home soon. It seems your perspicacity has been draining away at an increasing pace.

Quote:

"OBJECTION!" Payne screeched. "The prosecution is not done yet. There's a decisive witness that I'd like to call to the stand."

"If there's a witness, the court will heard what they have to say." The judge banged his gavel.

Athena sank on the bench. Why there always have to be a decisive a witness?

Athena: Your Honor! Why are you still continuing the trial!?

Blackquill: ...It's the fault of those who can't keep their mouths shut.

Athena: ...Are you talking about us defense attorneys or the witnesses?

Blackquill: Both.

Quote:

Court record:

Profiles:

Tom Stone (Male;42): The defendant. He works as gravedigger at the Happy Ending Cemetery.

All: !?

Maya: Did the author run out of ideas to write and just throw in the Court Record for good measure?

Athena: More like bad measure! We just saw these people...

Kay: And all the details on the evidence submitted...

Quote:

Apollo Justice (Male;23): My senior co-worker. He was supposed to be my co-counsel, but decided to investigate at the graveyard instead.

Trucy Wright (Female;16): My boss' daughter and also my co-worker. She wants to be a magician.

Winston Payne (Male;63): The prosecutor for this case. He lacks presence.

Maya: You know, I was hoping the author would at least have some amusing things to add. I have so many ideas to put down here.

Quote:

Evidence:

Attorney's badge: Nobody believes that I'm a lawyer unless I show them this.

Blackquill: ...And even then, no one would believe you.

Athena: That was only one guy, and he was being stupid!

Blackquill: That "one guy" had reported a case of physical assault against an officer of the law. For your sake, I decided to ignore it.

Athena: ...Aw, you didn't have to.

Quote:

Court Manners 101: A book about the basics on courtroom procedures and manners.

Athena: No way! I threw that thing away already! Why is it back!?

[And blah, blah, blah, Court Record.]Athena: Yes, finally! It's over!

Speakers: ...*tzzt*...

All: ?

Maya: Thinking about it, the Management hasn't spoken in for a while now. It wouldn't bother me normally, but...

Kay: ...didn't they say something about Mr. Edgeworth and Mr. Wright or something?

Athena: What? But weren't they just messing with us?

[And not a sound is heard from the speakers.]

Taka: （`へ´）！

Blackquill: ...This eerie silence does not bode well. We should make haste from here.

Speakers: ...Hehehehe hahahaha Bwahahahahaahahahaaa!!

Maya: Uh-oh, they've finally snapped.

Kay: It's about time, really.

Athena: Um... is that a good or bad thing?

Blackquill: A pointless question. What good could possibly come of this?

Kay: Maybe they'll no longer make sense and we can use the confusion to our advantage?

Blackquill: ...Taka, do you sense it? This air of unease... and danger.

Taka: (`へ´；) *nod*

Athena: Oh, come on. I was kidding about that NY prank... sort of.

Blackquill: We don't mean you.

[Before the sporkers can take their leave, though, Blackquill's apprehensions are confirmed.]

Speakers: Shh! SILENCE! ... Mweeheehee. I see. It's all coming clear to me!*snap*Zvarri! We have a veritable variety of an eccentric cast at the theaters tonight!...Is that all you can come up with? Lame.Why, I never! You dare call me "lame" after your pathetic offering of pointless maniacal laughter?Look who's talking. Weren't you the one who wanted a guilty verdict?Truly laughable, indeed! Why, if it was moi, the judge couldn't possibly sentencize me with anything!Pff... yeah, you're the type to give in before the trial was over.W-what!? How dare you!Now, now, everyone. I believe we are on air at the moment. It certainly wouldn't look appealing if this new Management were to collapse in on itself right from the start...Hmph! No one asked you, Sir Retiree! What is a former Police Chief doing amonst our ranks anyhow?I'm simply enjoying the show. Is that so wrong?

All: ...

Athena: They're... actually arguing among themselves.

Blackquill: ...as I suspected. These are the voices of those who have been damned to lives behind bars.

Maya: Oh, man... I thought we never had to see these guys again!

Kay: Ugh, it's bringing back bad memories...

Athena: So, is there any chance we're in for any better or...?

All else: Definitely worse.

Kay: Geez. It was just a silly little joke we were playing on them! They didn't actually have to leave!

Maya: I hope Nick and Mr. Edgeworth are going to be okay... They did say they were planning something else for the Management.

Blackquill: ...I will see to locating them as soon as possible. Should any complication arise with their security, you will be the first to know.

Athena: Thanks, Simon. This is actually worrying. I didn't even know it was possible in this theater!

[And so our intrepid heroes take a prompt leave, anticipating the worst yet to come.]

Speakers: H-hey! Look, you nincompetent poops! They're getting away!So? If you want a wild goose chase, then help yourself.Verily! The only "poop" here is you for complaining! These fools are bound to return one way or another!Anyhow, we've got a little reorganization to attend to. It's a new year! Out with the drab, and in with the brilliance, I say!Pff... Tell me about it. With this sort of company, it's almost blinding...

[...And thus we have arrived upon a new milestone in our sporking history. What will become of the Theater under this new management? What will become of our sporkers? Have those two lawyers really been taken hostage? And last but not least, what were Maya and Kay actually talking about? We may never know that last one, but tune in next time for more action-packed sporking drama!]

Wow, this is really getting interesting over there. Great sporking as usual Airey!

Moving on, I found this fic featuring LukeXMaya. And Maya coming over for Ace Detective advice. Yeah, you can already see the huge plot hole created from the premise alone. I remember reading this once and I don't know why I didn't instantly suggest this for sporking material.

Airey, you may only address me as senpai if I am indeed older than you.To all potential sporkers, regarding the status of the Management, I'd like to point out that any villain character is viable to join in for a session and they do not need introductions beforehand. Just be sure to make it clear who is who! I dunno how long this is going to last, but it should be worthwhile.

Wow, this is really getting interesting over there. Great sporking as usual Airey!

Moving on, I found this fic featuring LukeXMaya. And Maya coming over for Ace Detective advice. Yeah, you can already see the huge plot hole created from the premise alone. I remember reading this once and I don't know why I didn't instantly suggest this for sporking material.

HAHA! This is mine! I created it solely to add at the end of my original sporking (kind of a way to say, "Well, I'm a dick to this person, so you all can be a dick to me") but I was incredibly tired and forgot to. I can't wait to see reactions, to be honest. But seriously, tear this shit apart. I don't know why I did LukeXMaya, but as soon as I started, I said, "Wow, this is going to be goddamn terrible."

While I've been experimenting with my sporking in progress, I've also been exploring the kink meme, and the urge to spork some of these really silly prompts is ever growing. In fact, it's just about ready to burst out.

What do you guys think? Should we move for a little expansion? Now that we've basically overthrown the original rigid Management for a much more colorful and chaotic one, I think we can afford to play around with ideas. The sillier the ideas, the better! Involvement of the new Management members is recommended, rather than discouraged! Heck, we may even have comment chains to spork if they're worthy enough.

While I've been experimenting with my sporking in progress, I've also been exploring the kink meme, and the urge to spork some of these really silly prompts is ever growing. In fact, it's just about ready to burst out.

What do you guys think? Should we move for a little expansion? Now that we've basically overthrown the original rigid Management for a much more colorful and chaotic one, I think we can afford to play around with ideas. The sillier the ideas, the better! Involvement of the new Management members is recommended, rather than discouraged! Heck, we may even have comment chains to spork if they're worthy enough.

Questions? Suggestions? Repercussions?

I vote yes for sporking prompts and comment chains!! I say if it's Ace Attorney-related, it should be fair game.Which means that if terrible fancomics exist (I don't know of any), we could try those too. Although it seems to be very difficult to spork a comic... I have seen it dine, though.

I'm a new/old member of the forum - the spork thread and re-playing a few games brought me back (with a new username as my original one expired), happy days! Such funny Sporks, I've enjoyed all of them :-)

Last edited by karen99uk on Tue Jan 06, 2015 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sporking comics... I'm rather familiar with DeviantArt and Pixiv, so I can begin there.

Haha. Now I have an idea for sporking a Japanese comic. Obviously, we'd need translators, but I'm sure Maya and Edgeworth are very fluent. Li'l Pearl and maybe Phoenix, not so much. (Personal headcanon that Phoenix didn't study his mother language that well.) Irony ensues when for all Athena can boast about linguistic fluency, she doesn't know one word of Japanese.

karen99uk wrote:

I'm a new/old member of the forum - the spork thread and re-playing a few games brought me back (with a new username), happy days! Such funny Sporks, I've enjoyed all of them :-)

Now, this may be unprecented in this theater (and it's apparently my third post in a row), but hear me out. I was browsing pixiv when I stumbled upon this particularly well executed MitsuNaru manga, appropriately (or inappropriately) titled "The Plan to Capture Wright".

In short, it's about two 35 year-old law professionals playing a Red-Light-Green-Light version of tag in the Chief Prosecutor's office and then end up making love because why not.

Don't worry; it's SFW. And it needs to be sporked. It may be odd starting off with an untranslated fan manga, but hours of searching DeviantArt yielded less than ideal results, since it's so hard finding a comic that isn't resolved within the same page (and breaking up panels is too much trouble). If anyone else is interested in sporking this one, I will translate it for everyone. If not, I may take it for myself.

It was made by someone's request for a "stylish game of The Darma Fell". (Basically, the person who's "it" stays in one place and turns away as the others gradually approach "it", and "it" gets to look around only after saying the line "Daruma-san ga koronda." If anyone is caught still moving when s/he looks, "it" gets to chase everyone around. Whoever is tagged is "captured" and sits the next round out. Rinse and repeat until either "it" gets everyone or someone tags "it".) Cue scandalous shenanigans.

Spoiler: "The Plan to Capture Wright"

P1

[Chief Prosecutor's Office]Phoenix: This is the last of it, right? I'll get it done. You take a rest.Edgeworth: Suit yourself.

*yawn, stretch*

*creep*

P2

*bonk*Phoenix: Ah, here it is! Hm?

Edgeworth, what are you doing?Edgeworth: Oh, uh. I just remembered I had a file to take out...Phoenix: Hmm...

P3

Phoenix: You want some tea?Edgeworth: (It's been a while since we last met, and yet you're still as indifferent as ever...)Phoenix: Edgeworth?Edgeworth: (Ah, it's kind of adorable in a way.)Phoenix: Hey.Edgeworth: (Perhaps I should resign and kidnap him away.)

Phoenix: Hello! You alright?Edgeworth: (Ack! He caught me off guard!)(As I thought, it's inevitable that we face each other, but if I can just move fast enough...)Wright.Phoenix: What?

*whoosh*

Edgeworth: (I can't even touch you!? Unbelievable!)(And what was with that reaction speed!?)Phoenix: Whew, that was close! You sure surprised me. Wanna take a break?

P4

Phoenix: It's delicious.

Now I see why you like red tea so much. I'm glad I could be just a bit more like you.Edgeworth: (What a cute thing to say...)

Wright, would you like to play a little game with me?Phoenix: A game?Edgeworth: Hm, I'd enjoy a round of "The Darma Fell"... You don't mind, right?

Phoenix: Huh? Is your head alright? Do you have a fever?Edgeworth: No, I'm being serious.

Phoenix: Yeah, but aren't we a bit too old for that kid's game...?Edgeworth: We don't get enough exercise.Phoenix: *sigh* Oh, fine.

Edgeworth: (What an uplifting and refreshing feeling!)(It's been a while since I've felt it!)

(Heh heh heh...)And where do you think you're going...Phoenix: *twitch*

Edgeworth: Wright?[Savage Mode Activated]Phoenix: N-nowhere...

P9

Edgeworth: Do you not like me? Ah, yes... As prosecutor and defense attorneys, we are enemies, after all...Phoenix: (Oww, oww, oww...!)Ha ha ha...

W-we're just playing around, right? No need to get that upset...

Edgeworth: Yes, playing around, all to capture you!!Phoenix: !!Edgeworth: You gave me a lot of trouble, but it's checkmate, Wright!Phoenix: Waah!

(N-no... not like this!)(Edgeworth...)

P10

*FABULOUS*

P11

Edgeworth: How could I allow my darling lover to be hurt?Phoenix: Let me go already, this is embarrassing...Edgeworth: No one's looking. Besides...

Aren't you the one who won't dare to let go?Let that be a lesson to you.

Whenever our two paths cross, you'd always cling to my chest, just like this.Phoenix: !!?Edgeworth: Did you know, Wright...?Phoenix: W-w-what... What the heck are you talking about!!?

Aren't you fine with just catching me?Edgeworth: Mmph.

Phoenix: ...But... well, it is my loss, so... um...

P12

Phoenix: Sorry for running away from you like that...Today, I'll do what you want me to.

*desk slam*

Edgeworth: Just when did you... become such a bad boy, Wright...!?Phoenix: Hey... And after all these years we've known each other... what an unlucky guy.(Clean up that nosebleed...)Edgeworth: Say whatever you want.

(Well then, let's get to it...)Phoenix: Hm?

P13

Phoenix: NOW!? HERE!?YOU IDIOOOT!! THAT'S MY ONLY SUUUIT!!

Edgeworth: *smirk*

Phoenix: INDECENCY WAITS FOR NO ONE!!Edgeworth: You're using it wrong! It's not "indecency"!Phoenix: What do we do if someone comes in!?Edgeworth: Relax! This room is equipped with automatic soundproofing!Phoenix: No way!! You're lying!!

Edgeworth: You were asking for it anyway! Just give in!Phoenix: Aaaaaah!! My belt!!

There's no indecency to lose!Edgeworth: Like I said! Stop swapping "time" with "indecency"!! (**)

End

---------------------------------* There's a saying that goes "The hawk is out, so the little birds can play." It's a mnemonic that originated from the surname 小鳥遊. It has the kanji for "little bird" and "play", is pronounced Takanashi, and sounds like 鷹なし, or "no hawk". As a result, it's become a favorite among authors to use such a pun-filled name in fiction.Here, Edgeworth says the reverse, probably suggesting that they're not going anywhere any time soon.

** The term for "time" in this case is 光陰 (kou'in), while the one for "indecency" is 淫行 (inkou). The former is used in a lot of proverbs involving time, such as "Time waits for no man", or "There's not a moment to waste"....So, uh, it seems Phoenix yelps the strangest things when he's panicking.

It's beautiful, so I might. Althoigh next I was planning on doing that extremely nsfw fanfic from hell necrophilia fic I mentioned a while ago. Obviously it would be an off-site sporking that I just link back to here, but still.It'll take me a little while (I have some minor rennovations to do where I'm going to be posting it), so until I finish it, the manga is open game.

*checks time gap*...It's only been three months? I thought I had been away longer..Anyway, um, yes, hi. I returned to see what's happening on this thread and in the world of Ace Attorney in general. I'm not actively in fan mode currently, but let's say I'm standing at a crossroads facing two or three potential fandoms and am not quite sure which direction to decide on. So for now, I'm just checking in, not writing. (In fact, seeing as how we have conflicting headcanons about some points that are bound to come up every once in a while, writing might be hard even if I become an active fan again... it screws with continuity, and I hate that.)However, I thought I might leave some feedback while I'm here, hoping that all the people involved are still active.I haven't read up on the current page yet, but will do that some time soon.

-First of all, I'm happy to see this thread is still as alive as I remembered it. Good work, everyone!

Airey's spork from October 21:

-I love how Trucy offers to pull snacks out of her magic panties. I can absolutely see her doing that. XDAlso, poor Apollo, still nobody pays him any respect.

-10 cents is expensive for a plastic pen? Wherever you find pens that cheap, get them over here to Germany, I want some!

-Athena sponaneously having sunglasses for effect is very funny. ^^

-As funny as the fic's twist was, I wish you would have asked the obvious question of how Trucy can reach into a bowl and fish out an almond when the bowl has been kicked and apparently landed on the floor (presumably spilling its contents). ;)But overall, a very nice spork. It was fun to read. :D

**************

Hermann's spork from November 15:First of all, welcome to the spork thread! Looks like you picked a really sporkworthy fic for your first attempt. And then putting Manfred von Karma in to spork it... I like your style. :DSo... please don't take it personal if I have to get some things off my chest in the beginning.

-One minor thing first: Please write your future sporks in present tense (and especially don't switch between past and present within the same spork). That way, the style is consistent with the other sporkings, and we won't have to wonder when it took place. Also, if your sporkers bring snacks or beverages from outside, you're absolutely within your rights to make them pay for those. I mean, we're trying to run a theater here. Those security measures don't come cheap. ;) And what's with that random bailiff operating the projector? Did Kay lose us all of our guards? Or were they off on a team-building exercise? I hope it's the latter... that girl has cost us enough as it is.

-'nother minor nitpick: If von Karma knows what slutty is, I'm pretty sure he'll know what a brothel is. I mean, he speaks English, after all. Which also means he should know what "staring daggers" means. And, um... sorry to get even more nitpicky, but von Karma canonically calls Edgeworth by his last name. Not first name. (I know it can be hard to keep track of these things. If you ever need to recheck on details like this, you can usually find scripts of the games where you can reread the dialogues without having to replay the game itself. It's helped me a couple of times in the past.) And while I'm nagging, what's up with the random Franziska emoticon in the middle of a sentence? Did he say "...my daughter...", stopped for a moment to put on a mask of her, took the mask off again, and continued with "...would be happy to whip your grammar into shape"? Did he pull out her picture and slapped that onto the camera while speaking? Did he put on a wig and gave his best Franziska impression? (Long story short: Emoticons within a spork look really out of place, yo.)

-I like how even though this takes place after his conviction, he still gets to order the poor bailiff around. ^^And acts as though everything is just business as usual. Gotta admire that badassery. This aspect of your spork is really fun, so I hope you'll write him or other bad guys again in the future. I think you could do some nice things with those.

-Wait... confirming YOUR alliance with Satan? O.oWhoa, I seriously hope this wasn't a miswording. You made a deal with Satan to get into the management? Or just to get von Karma in there? Either way, if you have those kinds of connections, that could prove really useful in the future... especially in regards to one unruly little thief. Interesting, interesting... I'm curious what else this might be good for. I hope you'll get to use this special power of yours for evil. :D Might be good for a punishment or two, as well. Great potential there.(I also like the idea of adding perfect margaritas to the snack bar and get sporkers drunk.)So, yeah, not bad - needs a bit of finetuning, but don't worry, that'll get better with practice. I say definitely stay around and keep writing!

-The shiny clean theater room has already been abandoned for seven years? :(Okay, who played with the time settings? Marcy? Marcy, I told you a hundred times to stay away from the controls! No, I don't care if you were bored. Bring a book, dammit! Or bring a DS. Maybe you'll find some embarrassing scenes to use against our next sporkers.And where is that cleaning crew who were supposed to keep the theater in shape? I hope you guys didn't pay those lazy bums.

-Love the Phoenix/Maya interaction here. I like seeing them just being their casual old selves. If I were to rise any complaints, it would be that old trilogy Phoenix might have been a better fit for this, but that's really just a minor detail.

-

Quote:

Phoenix: How do you know that you didn't stay up all night one night and got that score then?

Uhm... actually, he does know that's not what happened. As do we. Because the fic clearly showed her getting that score in one attempt:

Quote:

There was a bang- The bird had finally hit the ground. Maya had gotten a score of 24, along with a silver medal.

And she didn't even seem to be trying particularly hard. (Can't blame you for overlooking this, though. I've missed some things in the fics I've sporked, too.)

-All in all, a very nice spork. I enjoyed reading it. Hope you will continue to write for us.

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jettset's spork from December 4:

-Uuuuuuuuuhm... you know how when I say "uhm", there's usually an unpleasant part following? Yeah, well, uhm... Taste the Rainbow has already been done before. Way back when, in the old theater rooms, by Neni (I notice rubia mentioned this already). As linked to on the first page of this thread, but to spare you the search:http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... &p=8841221http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... &p=8841532And as you can see, not only has it been sporked before, but by the exact same sporkers to top it off. So um... i-is there an error in the time machine again? ...Marcy? MARCY, YOU IMBECILE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THOSE CONTROLS! GAHD!Who's going to fix this again? Who's going to pay for it? ...Hermann? Hermann, can you ask Satan if he knows how to fix time machines? I'm sure he can do that, right? Can you get us a good deal on that?But seriously, guys, please watch out for those time bumps. We don't want to get things to get ugly again.("Management has already started the fanfiction", indeed...)...I guess we will need a new list, to help people keep track of what has been sporked yet. But that will be a lot of work...

-That said, I do like how you write the characters. Maya's playful joking about spelling errors in the fic is very in character and she has done this in previous sporks as well, so good work keeping that up. I also like how nonchalantly Edgeworth comments on his fic self's "intoxication", and I like his dry humor in general. ^^

-Also appreciate your quoting of ancient songs from the 60s. You have good taste.

-I think you accidentally deleted or rewrote a part where Maya was supposed to start singing. Either that, or I'm blind, because she appears to be "still singing" without having started.

-Here we have one of those conflicting headcanons: Elevators. Does Edgeworth use them or not? I have made my point before and stated why I'm pretty sure he would use them, but all we got from canon is the failed attempt in AAI. So it will probaby never be resolved. Because of this, we have one sporker Edgeworth who uses them and one who doesn't. I guess this can technically work as long as the timeline is wonky, but... we certainly don't want to keep it that way, do we? I mean, we could, but it just gets so confusing after a while.

-Nitpick: Why is Maya suddenly referring to Phoenix by his last name?

-Any references to Maya's neverending appettite are appreciated. :D

-I really like your humor. The part about the -1some was especially funny.^^

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rubia's spork from December 10:

-Ooh, the cool AAI2 character. I really need to watch the videos of that translation.

-How does Maya even know who's speaking in that first scene? I really hate it when fic writers post several lines of dialogue with no name and expect the readers to be mindreaders. If I want to solve riddles, I buy a sudoku magazine or something.

-I don't quite get how Kay's mind suddenly jumps to Halloween. What made her think of it? The spork says a bit later that there's "howling laughter" in the distance, but before, it was just a faint scream calling Phoenix's name. And she didn't say it in reaction to that, either, she only said it after Phoenix asks what the management is up to.

-I see Maya and Kay are still beautifully working off each other. Very nice. :)

-Also, nice reference to Oldbag there.

-The trial at the end is well written, and I was really curious who would win in the end.

-Evil management is evil. I like that very much. It's great entertainment. :DAnd Edgeworth is fighting back, I see... I'm curious what he'll do this time. Great ending!

-Ooh, the cool AAI2 character. I really need to watch the videos of that translation.

-How does Maya even know who's speaking in that first scene? I really hate it when fic writers post several lines of dialogue with no name and expect the readers to be mindreaders. If I want to solve riddles, I buy a sudoku magazine or something.

-I don't quite get how Kay's mind suddenly jumps to Halloween. What made her think of it? The spork says a bit later that there's "howling laughter" in the distance, but before, it was just a faint scream calling Phoenix's name. And she didn't say it in reaction to that, either, she only said it after Phoenix asks what the management is up to.

-I see Maya and Kay are still beautifully working off each other. Very nice. :)

-Also, nice reference to Oldbag there.

-The trial at the end is well written, and I was really curious who would win in the end.

-Evil management is evil. I like that very much. It's great entertainment. :DAnd Edgeworth is fighting back, I see... I'm curious what he'll do this time. Great ending!

I took a few liberties here and there regarding the descriptions in the fic. Technically, the characters are watching a "film adaptation" of the fic, rather than the words simply scrolling by. I figure as time went on, as the theater gained more and more revenue, they came to hire actors to play certain roles. For obvious reasons, the performance is done as silly as possible without deviating too much from the original source.

But, now that I've shared a fan manga in this thread, I suppose we should make a distinction between sporking fics and sporking comics. Let's say, should anyone consider sporking that comic, the sporkers should comment on the art style and presentation as well as the contents of the story. It's yet another avenue the sporkers can take to complain about what they're being forced to watch.

I had also planned to publish the spork for Halloween, but I took "a bit" longer than expected. As for those voices, I originally meant for certain characters to make sudden appearances, but in the end, I wasn't sure how to integrate them without breaking the flow of the trial. In the end, I just passed them off as a prank. In hindsight, with the introduction of the new Management, it comes off as appropriate irony.

Thanks for the review! I spent some extra time thinking over that ending, since I aimed for the most efficient route through all the presented arguments and still could make it entertaining. I see it was worth it.

Ah, no no, don't worry about them seeing it - they have, in fact, always been able to watch the images displayed in the fic. It's just that they somehow still see the spelling errors and everything even though the fic itself is movie-like. That was established in one of the really early sporks, although I don't remember which it was. It's still a bit ambiguous as to what exactly they see when the fic uses garbled sentences or doesn't identify people. I always imagined those as being either really low quality visuals or something else in the picture blocking the view. But it's left to each writer's imagination. The idea to use actors is an interesting one, too.

I think in the case of fan comics or manga, maybe posting the actual pictures/scenes that are being commented on would work best, but I'm not sure if that would be okay, concidering copyright and "do not reblog this art" and all that. So it's gonna be tricky either way. Maybe when you just describe it, you could post a link or something to the original source so we can watch it as we read the spork?

I'd find "describing" a comic rather tedious and harmful to the sporker, since pictures can say so much more than words alone. We could arrange it so that we link to the source, but I think unless the artist states that the art can't be reblogged or the hosting site simply prevents direct hotlinking, we should be able to post images here.

Besides, those "actors" are all volunteers for the Theater's projects. Imagine how amazing these comics would look if they were animated... somehow. Let our imaginations run wild.

Uh... all I remember is that I was really tired. Some piece of fanart might have helped, though. I'm pretty sure I have a picture saved to my phone that's one Phoenix/multiple Edgeworths. Or maybe it was the other way around. Actually, I think they're two different pictures.Either way, I made a sequel, too...

Well, I've now had my taste of humor for today. The best part of these fics has got to be how nonchalant they all are about the whole situation.

This is an unusual request from me, but could you turn it into a trilogy with Udgey? Yeah, I know they all act the same, but who knows, maybe they're actually different old men who just so happen to look alike.

On the other hand, I am tempted to write about this... oh, but I've got something else in the works right now, so maybe next time...

I found a fic where Apollo gets put in a maze and has to escape with other characters. I don't know why I keep losing my attention when reading this fic. I must not be very interested in the fic in the first place.

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