Category: Inside

4/7/17

“The role of the traveler today- like the role of any artist who treads outside the bounds of mainstream cultural imagination- is to be a storyteller of new possibilities, and most importantly of all, a messenger of hope.” Simon Yugler -Travel Alchemy

Traveling has a very special alchemy. It gives me the freedom of being outside my normal day to day and places me right in the present; a much more pleasant and freeing place to be than my past or future. It helps me really know what I don’t know and I am relieved of the pressure of pretending to know. Travel gives me hope about humanity and expands my world by leaps and bounds.

There is a spirit among fellow travelers that says, hey, we are on the same road, at least for a moment. We share some unspoken part of being human. It’s as if we know in our bones that our ancestors and the many ancestors before were nomads, or travelers with a yearning to know more, learn more, see more, typically in search of food. As travelers, we are trying on a nomadic life, sharing our stories, enjoying company with strangers in the strange lands where everything is somehow familiar, everything is new and we are looking for food, gas and perhaps a connection.

Traveling gives me the opportunity to widen my vision, open my eyes, feel the air, smell the atmosphere and take the opportunity to slow things down enough to see that every moment can be sacred, a little, tiny journey in itself. I see things I like and things I don’t. I hear things that hurt my heart and other things that grow it. I find atmospheres that sooth my soul and others that make my soul curl into a tiny ball trying to protect itself.

Now that Henry and I have arrived in Evanston, the traveling becomes something else. It becomes the contrast to “on the road” traveling. It is discovery and finding the places the fit us.

Evanston is a city, like every city, where you are expected to know, know what lane to be in for the turn you are about to make, which streets are one way, or where to park to go to the grocery store, what the customs are around leash or no leash for Henry, even when the law says leash and all kinds of everyday things. The expectation of a city is that you know what you are doing at every moment. “Knowing” is how not to get in the way of anyone’s rushing and the very important business of getting to the next place or meeting, or appointment. When I get it all right, I avoid the glances at my license plate and then at me, that clearly state that I am a foreigner here. The angry, dirty stares that say, “Oh, right, you are from California, of course, you know nothing about being here. You idiot, learn the roads here!” They don’t know I grew up here, I own this place. Grant it, I have to relearn landmarks and roads, but I belong, even if my license plate says I don’t. At least my license plate says I am pretty cool.

At the end of the day, we are two tired travelers. We’ve arrived. Henry lays with his tail curled under in an attempt to achieve the fetal position and stop moving just to go inward. I have never seen him curl up so tightly. His eyes are bloodshot and I imagine he feels as I do, a sensation that we are still hurtling through the air, on the road at 60-80 miles an hour.

Four Dogs Tired

I have been trying to tell Mr. H no more endless car rides for a long time but he just doesn’t seem to be listening. It is as if he is saying, I am too tired and I’ll believe it when I see it.

Like this:

Everything changes, always.

It is so interesting to feel the rush of energy when the possibility of change seems to pop up unexpectedly. It is a mix of anxiety, fear, wonderment, terror, muddled thoughts about how do I make this decision. Do I want this possible change or do I want to stick with my plan? What if I make a wrong decision, and hearing the voice that says there is no wrong decision but not believing it because I am certain it is not true, it is just a good idea.

My sweet neighbors with their very funny 18-month-old have come to live with me because their house was affected by a landslide caused by all the rains here in California. It is a crazy time. They are having to figure out where to live and I am packing up the house, getting taxes together, and getting other silly things done before I go on the road to Chitown. All at the same time, my neighbors are deciding to live in the house next to the one that is sliding. It is actually a very lovely crazy time.

And then, the alternate reality, the Possibility, with a capital P shows its beckoning head. My neighbors will have a studio/1 bedroom for rent in the bottom of that house they are considering and it is at a rent I can afford. I could stay in the neighborhood that has become more congenial since I decided to move away. We talked about it and all agreed it would be so nice. And then that anxious, fear, terror, wonder and curiosity rushed up from my knees to my throat. I am getting friendlier with that experience and know when I feel it, that it means stop and wait. It does not mean decide. Those feelings and sensations are red or yellow lights, not green. It seems so much easier if it were just a green light. So much easier! I just want to pretend that the light is green so the decision is made. There…done, decided, finished.

I can easily be diverted from my decisions by something safer or cozier, and my reasons for making the decision slips away only to be remembered much later after I have gone down a different road.

I have to remember why I am doing what I am doing. I want to try my work in other parts of these lands, I want to get out of the Bay Area. And most of all I want to go home. It only took me a few hours to have that come clear. This is my practice. This is my work. Listening and listening again. Am I getting a green light or am I pretending to get a green light? Am I keeping my journey sacred? Am I letting myself see that things always change, choices and possibilities, and when? Which bloom and which die? Which things are so sacred I allow them to change me?

Like this:

The Danish meaning of hygge. Hygge is as Danish as pork roast and it goes far in illuminating the Danish soul. In essence, hygge means creating a warm atmosphere and enjoying the good things in life with good people. The warm glow of candlelight is hygge.

Hygge, is a Danish word roughly translated to English as coziness. As the Visit Denmark site suggests, it might contribute to a happier life. Making life intentional has something to do with Hygge. My personal feeling about Hygge is something about slowing down, paying attention to what makes you feel cozy, at home, staying with what has heart and meaning and making daily life sacred.

Making life intentional has something to do with Hygge. My personal feeling about Hygge is something about slowing down, paying attention to what makes you feel cozy, at home, staying with what has heart and meaning, and making daily life sacred.

I have always had a very close connection to Denmark and my friends there. I didn’t really know why, but seeing the video on Hygge on the Visit Denmark website, gives me an idea of my connection to that culture. I got to the site by way of someone who writes about their sacred journey. It is a bit religious and that is not my bent. But she offered up the link to “Visit Denmark” and I found Hygge. Who knew?

I can hear my Danish friends laughing at my pronunciation of hygge, having once been told I sound too perfect when learning to say Bussen gabte, which I was later told, means the bus yawned. A phrase that is so handy for travel, or really anything I am doing, anywhere, really!

Those were wonderful days, learning how to say Bussen gabte while attending European clown school in Blue Lake, California. Carlo Mazzone-Clementi, was the master teacher (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlo_Mazzone-Clementi), and being there introduced me to some of the most creative people from all over the world. I was totally drawn to the students at the school who were from other lands and attached myself to the Scandinavians. They just seemed the most sane, even at a clown school. My attachment to one woman, Josefine, was deep, we were sure we were somehow related. Our relationship has endured, even with just a few visits and travels with our families, over many miles and waters. Being with my Danish friends and our families being together makes me feel full of Hygge. 🙂 .

Like this:

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” ― Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers

As I have been packing up my house for this experiment/journey, I found my copy of The Atlantic with Mr. Rogers on the front of it. I also found books by Mr. Rogers that clinical psych students have given me over the years because they knew how I admired Mr. Rogers like my hero. To top it off, in my sorting and packing I found a toy that when you press different buttons you hear Mr. Rogers’ voice saying, “I like you just the way you are.” Or, “You make each day a special day. You know how, by just your being you.” And, of course, “It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.” It was a perfect thing to find. It made me think about how I am going about this journey as an experiment and how that gives me room to just accept everything as it is, including myself.

What if every piece of this journey was sacred, and each step or action or thought was done with such attentiveness and acceptance that the meaning of each step was a whole journey by itself ?

This is an exploration, an experiment; my experiment. It started with the experience of more doors closing than opening and the realization I didn’t want life to feel so hard.

What if it was Sacred is about change and the unpleasantries of knowing what I need to do and the work it takes to listen to that. It’s about listening to the quiet voice that says this is the right thing to do even though you are full of anxiety. Do this even though you will shock people, do this because it is the freedom you long for. Because you know that deep down it comes from the very wisest place inside you. It is the constant voice that always hangs around the edges of each idea, of each action and reaction. And, it says, listen to me, listen to Me. It offers up possibilities that seem completely impossible, crazy, absolutely out of the question. And it talks in whispers getting incrementally louder until it is screaming at me. Do something. Do It. Just do it.