You’re probably well familiar with the clickbait Upworthy headline style we’ve parodied with sci-fi-worthy and Simpsons versions. Sometimes the clickbait headlines are hyperbolic; everything will restore your faith in humanity and you are thoroughly incapable of believing it. Other times there’s a “curiosity gap”, as when the headline ends with “what happens next will shock you” but you have to click to find out what the story is about. For more examples, just hit refresh on Upworthy Generator for awhile and despair.

These clickbait headlines have become popular because they successfully drive traffic (especially via Facebook) and they require little brainpower to slap together. Even CNN used a “curiosity gap” headline this week on a story about child murder, a move so tacky even the creator of Upworthy bashed them for it.

Now there’s a solution for these headlines. Downworthy, an open-source plugin, will replace the most common hyperbolic phrases in headlines with more realistic substitutes. At first we were intrigued. Then we were blown away.

And that, my friend, is just the amount of detectable stupidity. The vast majority of stupidity comes in the form of Dark Stupidity.

Dark Stupidity fills the universe in ways that make it certain that everything and everyone is surrounded by stupidity, has stupidity particles and energy passing through their bodies, that renders us incapable of determining to any degree of reliability just how stupid we and everyone we know are.

But our best team of Dark Stupidity Investigators says that indications are that we are “very^1000 stupid.” However, the team admits that they themselves are subject to the same Dark Stupidity, rendering their calculations to be completely stupid.