Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Heart Attack

"Putting my defenses up. Cause I don't wanna fall in love. If I ever did that, I think I'd have a heart attack."- Demi Lovato

I should've known something wicked this way was coming when a Disney teen was singing a song that I felt to my core.

Anyway, after writing a beautiful ode to my screw 'em and leave 'em mentality of old, apparently I realized I was more than a little attracted to a guy who runs around in the same circles. However, dude is in his mid-20s and we are both Greek. Two elements that could lead to a perfect recipe for a disaster. Yet, whenever we see each other at an event we end up off to ourselves just talking for a lengthy period of time. Conversation is always easy and breezy. There's flirting, buying of drinks, all that good stuff. There is a very drunken sexual proposition at one point and I decline. Blame it on the sensibility and maturity because I probably wouldn't be at this point where I am writing this blog.

So now I want to hit it. So eventually my dumb ass inquires if he is actually attracted to me and the muthafucka says "Yes." But no, wait for it. "He's trying to figure out what category he wants to put me in." SCREECH!!!! Pump the brakes. There's more categories than "screwable" or "not screwable." Then we go for a walk and just talk about life and crap. After detailing the whole thing to my male friend who is currently on male advice probation for this action, I send him a text to which I still have not received a response. And that was last Tuesday.

So in the span of a week and a half, I have dealt with all the feelings of vulnerability and rejection that I can stand. And this is quite a bit for a person who deems themselves "dating retarded". So at this point, I think it's best to place said guy in the friend category. And I think I have met my "putting myself out there" quota for 2013. The sad thing is it's so rare that I am ever attracted to a guy so I have no idea when I will do so again because I have not been feeling any of these emotions I've had over the last month. So there.

But not to leave this post on a negative note, I've learned that apparently my friends, male and female, really believe I'm a great and "deserving woman" who cares about others immensely and with great intensity and should see it returned. Maybe the immensity and intensity is the problem.