Wanderings of a soprano, sometimes alto, choral singer turned mom

This day started out super sad, E and I just woke up and we were joking each other when I got a call from his dad. Sadly, his dog died last night, well more of early this morning like around 1 or 2 am. I had to be the one to break the news to him, and the words just came out of my mouth without me even knowing it. I gave him the phone and I just stayed at one corner, not sure what I should do and how I should comfort him.

I looked at him, I was waiting for him to cry out loud but instead he just told me to hurry, fix up so he can go home. I just obliged and fixed myself up quickly. Took me 10 minutes to get ready and when I sat beside him he looked at me and plainly said that I can take my time. He just stared at me blankly with tears almost falling down from his eyes, but I saw the restraint, I saw the internal battle of keeping himself composed. I hugged him and whispered that everything will be alright, even if I knew how hard it is to move on. He didn’t say anything for what seemed like eternity, I pleaded and asked him to say something. He just said ” I never even had the chance to say goodbye to him.” I heard him tremble when he said the words “goodbye to him.” He sounded lost, afraid, sad. To which I replied,

“…sometimes dogs leave us like that, not because they hate us but because they love us so much that they don’t want us to remember them in their dying state, they want us to remember them in their healthy and happy state. “

He became silent and I just hugged him tightly, because I know in my heart that soysoy didn’t want Papa and E to see him dying, he wanted them to remember his funny, healthy state. Dogs can sense just how strong we are, if we can handle seeing them go or not. Sometimes they hold on even if they are suffering so much, even if the pain that they feel is beyond what they can handle. They hold on for us, because they know that we can’t let them go, not yet, but they leave when they know that we are ready.

I know that at this very moment Soysoy is in doggy heaven with Mommy Ruffa and my Yin – to my Yin Yang. It’s still hard to accept that he’s gone – we treated him us our baby and he was E’s first pet. But I have to let him go and let him rest, at least now he’s not suffering, at least now he’s eating as many dog food as he wants. 🙂