For some reason I’d convinced myself that the Buffalo Bills remix of ‘Kokomo’ was going to be the worst and most forced fan anthem of the year, but I severely underestimated the ability of Texas baseball fans to sit in their garage and sing into a beer bottle without any music, rhythm or reason. It’s not like Train’s “Hey Soul Sister” is a great song by any stretch of the imagination, but this lady’s hypnotically depressing version makes the original sound like the f**king Symphony No. 3 In E Flat Major. I looked in the YouTube description for some sort of context, or maybe a clue that this was all a big joke.

Mr Fister…. Bhhaahhhhahahhh

The best part is either the way they leave in some parts of the original (“radio, stereo”) despite it not vibing with the rest of the lyrics so they’ll have something to rhyme, or the way the song kinda devolves into misogyny for no reason (“you throw just like a girl, y’know”). I bet Mr. Fister is pretty happy he doesn’t sing like a girl, at least.

Be sure to watch this video now and save it somewhere, because when these people wake up at 3 PM this afternoon they’re going to remember that beer and laptops don’t mix, and take it down.