In Detroit, guerilla board tracking is the new murder

Taking a break from discovering homelessicles, electing corrupt politicians and producing chronically uncompetitive automobiles, a group of Motor City natives took it upon themselves to clear an abandoned velodrome of decades worth of trash and “old tires” (we’re guessing this is a local euphemism for dead bodies) and reverse the post-apocalyptical reclamation by nature. Only days later, local bikers were hooning the banked concrete oval and are already planning a race series. God we love Detroit.

The clearing work was performed by the Detroit Mower Gang, a group of underground lawn care enthusiasts who’ve tasked themselves with restoring the public lands of the formerly-flourishing/currently decaying former metropolis so that omega children will have a place to exercise their malnourished limbs.

Hearing of the Gang’s brave deeds, a group local bikers descended on the track for a trial run, reporting that it’s only slightly trecharous due to the frost heaves and cracks. Perfect for an underground races series then. There’s already word of a run-watcha-brung type series.