From a young age, Ditzy Doo knew she wasn't like most ponies. Jinxed and uncoordinated, she was shunned from all social circles as she grew up. When a friend finally comes her way, Ponyville's residential mailmare will surprise everyone—including herself—when she demonstrates how far she's willing to go to keep that friendship.

This has spirit and power, but there is one editorial suggestions I would like to make: you seem to have a problem staying Pony. By that I mean that there are many instances when characters, especially Derpy, have hands and arms rather than forelegs and hooves.

You might just want to go over your work with regard for that. You also might find that by focusing on the fact that the characters are ponies, there are a lot of cool things you can do describing how they function using the body parts they have; how Derpy maneuvers packages, for example, using only teeth and hooves, that sort of thing.

Anyway, that was the one thing that glared at me, otherwise, please keep up the soul in this story!

Are there any instances where I say arm (or another body part that isn't belonging to a pony? O_o if so, then yes that's a mistake and I'll need to fix that. However, if it's just you're not getting a feel that I'm talking about a pony through my descriptions, then that's something different entirely. While writing, I'm assuming everyone knows I'm talking from the anatomy perspective of a pony, so when I say "Ditzy waved", I would assume I wouldn't need to say "Ditzy waved a hoof" to clarify that she's a pony; we already know that.

However there are still many parts where Ditzy uses her teeth, hooves, and wings to accomplish many tasks, both in the first and second chapter.

I agree with you that I could go into more detail about how Ditzy's pony body reacting differently than a human's, but there's only a certain amount of detail I can add before the section becomes stretched and the reader is psychologically driven to skim.

If you find any places where I accidently say arms, or something like that, it would be helpful if you could let me know I was under the impression my proof readers and I caught all of them.47947

I was adopted myself, so every story I come across with Sparkler and Ditzy tends to turn on the facial faucets....I was such a mess after reading "My Sweetie" straight through. I have to say I'm thrilled to see the love your Ditzy has for Sparkler

Also, because I have the inability to shed tears over even the sadest things, resulting in sadness welling up inside me with no way to escape but comedic remedies. This story really does fit me well. It gives a sad idea, then heals it with a comedic remedy soon after. It really is quite enjoyable, keep it up.

But. now that I look at it, there is one major problem. In the first two chapters Ditzy doesn't say, do, or think anything that would even hint that Dinky and Sparkler are part of her life. I would think that even though Ditzy may be a bit forgetful that she would at least remember her own daughters. In one of the chapters she even wonders if anybody would miss her if she vanished. Well I can bet that the kids certainly would...

She felt silly for asking—of course there were. In fact, she could think of two ponies, and they were the ones keeping her sane(ish). Thanks to them, she had the will to fight through the perils of the day-to-day. "

This was clearly foreshadowing some form of substantial relationship, although I never specifically said daughters (I did this on purpose). Also you're forgetting the picture frame, which at the point is a plot device. I obviously didn't want to give anything away about the picture itself until the natural progression of the story gave the answer, and that meant masking that particular part of Ditzy's life until the right moment. Surely you can understand that?

I will not lie, thi has put me to tears. Well done, that was one hay of a great fanfiction. I loved the style you wrote it in, these small everyday duties becoming amazing challenges and adventures.... I would love to read more about Ditzy, Dinky and Sparkler!

I had a bit of a fail when I uploaded this straight from Google Docs (first time), where a comment from my proof reader could be seen at the bottom of the chapter. Ignore it if you saw it, but it's been deleted now so we should be good.