In the scientific diagram above, I am Artax, sinking deeper and deeper into the swamps of sadness, and Atreyu is the wonderful music community of Portland, summoning me out of the deep, buttock-shaped groove of brain-shredded, Nutella-coated depression, a siren's call saying, "so what if you haven't felt good since the Carter administration? Deal with it, you big stupid dum dum. Nobody feels good. You're an adult in America. 'Feeling good' is history's longest-running scam. They made goddam bottle episodes of X Files about 'feeling good,' it's such an elusive thing. Sack up, you piece of shit."

Sack up.

Friday, April 15

It's Tax Day! PSYCH! No it's not! Fuck off for three more whole days, cuz you don't have to last minute your 1040EZ online now until fucking Monday the 18th. Huzzah! America! Let's party instead. Nothing wrong with pre-spending your refund on Negronis. It's Negroni season, bitches! Or Tom Collins season, if you're not into a bitter cocktail. Whatever, it's a light fizzy cocktail season. Spritzer season! My jam is fucking Prosecco with a float of Pimm's Cup. I'll get out of the house for one of those... sometime this year.

Why, it's the Kitty Critic Concert II at SPACE! It's Samuel James, Spencer Albee, Pretty Sad, Isobell and Clara Junken and some other sweet ass performers. This is in support of Jim LeJames and Samuel James' online series Kitty Critic, in which they play music for cats. It's shit like this that makes me want Samuel James and Jim LeJames to like me. Like, I care what they think of me now because they play killer music and love cats and know enough people with cats to make a fucking series about it. But, like every other boy alive between the years of 1976 to 2016, they don't even know I exist... *LE SIGH*...

That fucking Phish cover band Partdon Me, Doug is in town at PHOME though, so prepare to be really angry playing for a room full of crickets, every other artist, and don't walk past PHOME so you don't get angry at everyone you know getting their w00k on after they told you they were too tired to go out that night but they'd "be sure to catch you next time, bro."