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One of the best music videos I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot. Vaguely reminiscent of Madonna’s Bedtime Story. Of course all the “art” critics all have their panties in a bunch over the whole thing. She’s a pop star, she does things for shock value, she’s rich and famous… pretty much all the things they threw at Madonna back in 1984.

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Some guy with a Tesla freaked out on the PCH yesterday and started dancing naked out of the sunroof of his car. People were more upset about the traffic it created.

Apparently the guy then jumped back into his car, drove away, proved that you can’t do anything without hitting a Mini Cooper in Los Angeles by hitting a Mini Cooper and is now in a psychiatric hospital of some kind.

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That this video exists is something of a miracle. It’s been two and a half years since that day and I’m kinda blown away that it’s suddenly surfaced. Brian Mills had to test out the GoPro head cam that we were planning on using later that day to shoot Francois walking around in the desert.

He put the camera on his head and just went about his day directing like normal. This is about as close to “what it’s like to be a gay porn director” as you’ll ever get. Watching his skill in being totally aware of what was going on everywhere and directing it like this is… a skill I’m only just starting to get.

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I know a guy who works at Google. He’s a really nice guy… I like him… this isn’t aimed at him. However… I once went to a party at his house that was attended pretty much by nothing but Google employees and honestly, it was like being at an Assburger’s Anonymous meeting (and yes, I know I spelled that incorrectly).

I have never been surrounded by that many socially retarded people in my life. Somehow the subject of my blog and Twitter came up and I mentioned how I can’t promote my work o Facebook because of the adult settings. They asked in a creepy unison if I was on Google+. Like… CREEPY Unison “are you on Google Plus?” the same way you’d expect the pod people to say “JOIN US” in a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I told them that I’d had a Google+ account but that for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what the fuck it did. That was met with silence from most and one guy saying “it’s a social network.”

Thanks. ughlkgh.

Anyway… I asked, “what does it… do?”

They then all launched into this weird cacophony of “it’s like Twitter where you can follow anyone you want. But you’re not limited to 140 characters” and “Like Facebook but just because someone adds you, doesn’t mean that you have to add them” or “it allows you to compartmentalize your friends… like… if I was friends with you, I wouldn’t want my other friends or family to know that… because you know…. they would see you and what you do.”

Yes, one of the social retards of Google actually said that to me. In a tone of “isn’t this great?”

Then I said “ok so… you add me to your circle of people you’re embarrassed to know but only you see what I post but if I haven’t added you to a circle and don’t follow you… what comes up on your feed… like do I also have to have a circle of ‘People Who Are Embarrassed to Know Me” for it to show up on their feed?” That was met with a confused silence. “and… how would their friends and family who they aren’t embarrassed to know know that they’re friends with me or see what I posted? If you follow someone, do you also see what they follow? I don’t get how that works.”

“It’s like Twitter… but you can post longer and have more conversations.. But like Facebook because you can post links to other things. And you can keep your family separate from things you don’t want them to know about. You know those things you don’t want your parents to know about?”

“no. my parents know everything.”

Another long silence.

After that excruciating night, I understand why Google has been woefully unable to launch a social network. If you’re that socially retarded… nobody wants to be your friend.

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A couple of weeks ago after I’d returned from a short production run and I was taking a day to just relax, my friend Christopher Rice called (yes, I’m name dropping, fucking sue me) and asked if I’d be interested in directing a trailer for his new book Heavens Rise.

Years before we met I became a huge fan. I love his books and I’ve said many times that I’d love to one day direct a movie version of his book Light Before Day. Although it would be very hard to properly tell a story like that.

I jumped at the chance, and besides, the book trailers that he’d sent me as a sort of rough idea of what he wanted looked very simple to do. So I figured it wouldn’t take me more than a few hours. Chris wrote a script and gave me a few rough ideas on the look and feel he wanted, we threw around a few ideas on how it should be made. I suggested a motion comic and he loved the idea.

Well… fast forward a couple of weeks of very late nights, audio recording sessions, enlisting the help of comic book artist (and the man who designed and did all of my tattoo work) Dave Davenport… and here it is.

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OK I gotta say… in a way it’s SO fucked up that I went to film school for years, I clawed my way to my dream job directing for Titanmen through 4 studios and 2 countries and spent hours and weeks and months honing my skills and thousands of dollars learning how to do my CG and lighting techniques and camera techniques and my directing skills and editing and music composition and teaching myself how to write code by hand and studying photography and videography from the best people I could find…

Directed about 200 scenes for Cocksure Men, I’d say about 50 of which are excellent and I’m VERY proud of… 5 movies for Titanmen that I’m MEGA proud of including Nightfall and WideAwake that were both excruciating exercises in production that ended up with stunningly brilliant visuals that never distracted from the porn itself but made it hotter…. if I don’t say so myself.

Worked on Mainstream movies and a new SciFi Web Series….

And….

The three things I’m best known for are a jack-off race at Fratpad, swallowing a hot dog whole and getting caught jerking off in my office by Jake Cruise.

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(I kinda bunged up the editing in this and it can sound like I’m saying that Singin’ In The Rain has a bit where Gene Kelly sounds gay. What I’m talking about is another movie that Sid Caesar did (I forget the name) which featured a male romantic actor being laughed out of a screening because of his funny voice.)

People ask me about my voice a lot. It’s a bit lower and louder than you’d expect from a little person such as myself. Before anyone accuses me of trying to say I’m “straight acting,” I’m like.. SO not straight acting that the Queen of Venus and the King of Uranus know I’m gay.