Conservative car review: 2014 Chevrolet Cruze Diesel

I love diesels. I’d have one in my pickup truck if Uncle Obama didn’t need so much of my tax money to give to the illegals and welfare cheats who elected him.

But diesels in cars are ridiculous, and the new Chevrolet Cruze Diesel proves that beyond the shadow of a doubt.

Diesel cars are popular in Europe, mostly because of massive tax breaks on diesel fuel provided by socialist governments. (Liberals will point out that diesel fuel is cheaper to produce, so the governments must be helping out the Big Oil interests that got them elected. Everywhere you look, there’s a conspiracy!) With gas at ten bucks a gallon, those Europeans need all the help they can get. Hey, someone’s got to pay for socialized medicine, so why not drivers? Cars are dangerous, you know.

So what you have is a continent full of tiny, smelly cars that make lots of noise and would get obliterated in a collision with anything bigger than a Taurus. That’s why they don’t sell them here.

General Motors tried selling diesels back in the 1970s. They were slow and noisy and smelly and terrible. After a few years GM gave up and concentrated on gasoline engines, and to good effect. Today, there are plenty of tin boxes that get 40 MPG on the highway. Personally, I prefer my 18 MPG Ford F-150, only because I don’t want my family to get flattened by some idiot feminist in her two-ton minivan. But what do I know, I’m just a selfish conservative, right?

The Cruze Diesel shows what a massive improvement American ingenuity can make, even with a bad idea like diesel cars. Its 2-liter engine puts out 151 horsepower, but it also makes 264 lb-ft of torque, and can overboost up to 280 lb-ft for short periods of time. That’s as much torque as the first pickup I ever owned!

With all that power, the Cruze is quick. But it’s also noisy and unrefined. It shakes at idle and it rattles like a nattering liberal at low speeds. Yes, the EPA estimates are pretty good: 27 MPG city and 46 MPG highway. But who would be willing to put up with all the noise for an extra few MPG? Not to mention the extra $2,400 tacked on to the sticker price. (Answer: A liberal who thinks we are going to run out of oil.)

I’ve heard that the Volkswagen Jetta diesel is more refined but I’d never buy a one because it’s made in Mexico. (Sorry hombre, but if Pedro wants my money, he can sneak across the border and sign up for welfare like the rest of his family.)

There’s nothing inherently wrong with the Chevrolet Cruze Diesel; it’s a solid American-made car, as good as or better than any import out there. But there’s nothing wrong with the gasoline-powered Cruze either, and if I was going to risk my God-fearing neck in a small car, that’s what I’d buy.

DRIVING ON THE RIGHT VERDICT:

The diesel engine is just another silly idea from socialist Europe intended to appeal to the so-called “progressives.” The sooner Chevrolet drops this ridiculous bit of leftie pandering, the better.