Thursday, July 9, 2009

the stink enters

What if this coworker came into your office, with no regard for the stink its' body carries with it?

Now imagine this: You're sitting at your desk, working so furiously, just enjoying the nice cool air that your fan is blowing on you. Life is good, man.

And then that nice refreshing feeling is interrupted.

This may be kind of hard to visualize, with just words, so I put together a proper diagram - please see below. I'm sorry, but whenever I try to add a picture, it always comes out really small. Please click on it, to get the full awesome effect.

Notice my "failed drawer blocker". I keep that drawer always open/extended for that reason alone. It usually creates a nice little barricade. Someone sees it, and subconsciously thinks they shouldn't come in any further.

Not the case here.

She just waddles in, closes the drawer, and gets up close & personal with my personal space.

As the picture shows, some of the stink even gets on me a little. So not cool.

One day last week, in particular, the stink was just putrid. Smelled like wet dog, ramen noodles, and AIDS. Horrible, lethal combo right there.

It was so bad I had to email the HR department. Here's an excerpt from that email.

Please look at the attached picture, and help me return to the previously unstinky working conditions that I enjoyed a year ago. Also, please note that it took the strength of ten thousand men not to gag.

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tall man on the loose in tampa area

True story, there is a tall man terrorizing the Tampa area. This weirdo usually hangs out around parks, trying to find pick-up games of basketball - during which, he will grab the ball and maneuver around so that you come into contact with his stinky, naughty bits.

Truly an unpleasant experience.

His signature move is the "bait and switch junk grab". As you're grabbing for the ball, his junk magically appears. In the way of your hand.

Another one of his famous moves is to let the ball go loose, then as you scramble for it, his sweaty ass gets in the way. Of your face.