What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.

A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.

Storytelling Checklist

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.

Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.

Story questions

Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)

Voice

Clarity

Scene-setting

Character

Nate has sent the first chapter of Ascending, an epic fantasy.

Already it
had been a night filled with blood, tears and pain.

King Ronan
Munro spent the long hours of his son’s birth as he had for other births in the
past: sitting alone in his favourite study, facing the lone window and praying
to the more benevolent gods. Six times he had been through this tiresome
process, and now a seventh. Close enough to bear witness to the agony of his
Queen, yet far enough away not to have to face it directly. Battles were one
thing, childbirth clearly another.

The wailing
of his child had begun long after the screams of its mother, but fortunately
had not lasted as long. Silence held for some moments before the midwife
entered with the swaddled infant. The woman was dressed plainly, stout wool and
leather shoes, smeared with dark red stains, evidence of her recent endeavour. Her
hair had come loose from its braids and clung to her face and neck. Her
wrinkled face was flushed, as though she had run down the halls carrying a
heavy load. Ronan noticed this as she advanced with his child, and he thought
that the midwife must have worked as hard as the mother to bring him this gift.

When she
lowered her offering into his hands, the silk still covered the baby’s tiny
face, but there was gentle movement beneath. Using only one finger, he moved
the fabric aside to gaze intently into his son’s face. What kind of man would
this be? Would he be strong or harsh, humble or vain? Kindness and loyalty
could be inherited from his mother, along with vanity and (snip)

I
gave it a yes despite a lower level of tension on the page. One reason why was
the voice and the sure, strong writing. Another is that epic fantasy often
starts with less upfront tension and action. On the other hand, it was clear to
me that this was the birth of the focus of the novel, and the king’s questions
about what kind of man would he be were good enough for me.

However,
I think more could be done. Sacrifice a little description, if you must, but
include in this narrative the king’s anxiety (we learn about this later) about
finally, after six children, having an heir. That need, especially if connected
with consequences if he does not sire an heir, would help raise the tension
level. Another aspect that might be brought in is that the queen, for whom he
truly is concerned, may have come to the end of her ability to produce an heir.

Get
some of that on the first page and I’ll feel even better. Some brief notes,
mostly focused on tightening the narrative a little. In addition, and I don’t
know if this is going for too much, but the baby has a tiny birthmark that
could spell its doom and prevent it from becoming an heir. If that could be
discovered on the first page, along with its meaning, then I think you’ll have
something fairly irresistible.

Already it
had been a night filled with blood, tears and pain.

King Ronan
Munro spent the long hours of his son’s
birth as he had for other births in the past: sitting alone in his favourite
study, facing the lone window and praying to the more benevolent gods. Six
times he had been through this tiresome process, and now a seventh. Close
enough to bear witness to the agony of his Queen, yet far enough away not to
have to face it directly. Battles were one thing, childbirth clearly another. Since the number of births is mentioned here, it provides an
opportunity to bring in the hope/need for an heir this time, and the
consequences.

The wailing
of his child had begun long after the screams of its mother, but fortunately
had not lasted as long. Silence held for some moments before the midwife
entered with the swaddled infant. The woman was dressed plainly, stout wool and
leather shoes, smeared with dark red stains, evidence of her recent endeavour. Her
hair had come loose from its braids and clung to her face and neck. Her
wrinkled face was flushed, as though she had run down the halls carrying a
heavy load. Ronan noticed this as she advanced with his child, and he
thought that the midwife must have worked as hard as the mother to bring him
this gift.

When she
lowered her offering into his hands, the silk still covered the baby’s tiny
face, but there was gentle movement beneath. Using only one finger, hHe moved
the fabric aside to gaze intently into his son’s face. What kind of man would
this be? Would he be strong or harsh, humble or vain? Kindness and loyalty
could be inherited from his mother, along with vanity and (snip) "gaze intently" is using an adverb to try to describe when a better verb could do the job alone--for example, a simple "study" would probably give the reader a more clear visual of what he's doing.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page (first pages of chapters/prologues start about 1/3 of the way down the page). Directions for submissions are below.

A word about the line-editing in these posts: it’s “one-pass” editing, and I don’t try to address everything, which is why I appreciate the comments from the FtQ tribe. In a paid edit, I go through each manuscript three times.

Storytelling Checklist

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this list of 6 vital storytelling ingredients from my book, Flogging the Quill, Crafting a Novel that Sells. While it's not a requirement that all of these elements must be on the first page, they can be, and I think you have the best chance of hooking a reader if they are.

Evaluate the submission—and your own first page—in terms of whether or not it includes each of these ingredients, and how well it executes them. The one vital ingredient not listed is professional-caliber writing because that is a must for every page, a given.

Story questions

Tension (in the reader, not just the characters)

Voice

Clarity

Scene-setting

Character

Nate has sent the first chapter of Ascending, an epic fantasy.

Already it
had been a night filled with blood, tears and pain.

King Ronan
Munro spent the long hours of his son’s birth as he had for other births in the
past: sitting alone in his favourite study, facing the lone window and praying
to the more benevolent gods. Six times he had been through this tiresome
process, and now a seventh. Close enough to bear witness to the agony of his
Queen, yet far enough away not to have to face it directly. Battles were one
thing, childbirth clearly another.

The wailing
of his child had begun long after the screams of its mother, but fortunately
had not lasted as long. Silence held for some moments before the midwife
entered with the swaddled infant. The woman was dressed plainly, stout wool and
leather shoes, smeared with dark red stains, evidence of her recent endeavour. Her
hair had come loose from its braids and clung to her face and neck. Her
wrinkled face was flushed, as though she had run down the halls carrying a
heavy load. Ronan noticed this as she advanced with his child, and he thought
that the midwife must have worked as hard as the mother to bring him this gift.

When she
lowered her offering into his hands, the silk still covered the baby’s tiny
face, but there was gentle movement beneath. Using only one finger, he moved
the fabric aside to gaze intently into his son’s face. What kind of man would
this be? Would he be strong or harsh, humble or vain? Kindness and loyalty
could be inherited from his mother, along with vanity and (snip)

I
gave it a yes despite a lower level of tension on the page. One reason why was
the voice and the sure, strong writing. Another is that epic fantasy often
starts with less upfront tension and action. On the other hand, it was clear to
me that this was the birth of the focus of the novel, and the king’s questions
about what kind of man would he be were good enough for me.

However,
I think more could be done. Sacrifice a little description, if you must, but
include in this narrative the king’s anxiety (we learn about this later) about
finally, after six children, having an heir. That need, especially if connected
with consequences if he does not sire an heir, would help raise the tension
level. Another aspect that might be brought in is that the queen, for whom he
truly is concerned, may have come to the end of her ability to produce an heir.

Get
some of that on the first page and I’ll feel even better. Some brief notes,
mostly focused on tightening the narrative a little. In addition, and I don’t
know if this is going for too much, but the baby has a tiny birthmark that
could spell its doom and prevent it from becoming an heir. If that could be
discovered on the first page, along with its meaning, then I think you’ll have
something fairly irresistible.

Already it
had been a night filled with blood, tears and pain.

King Ronan
Munro spent the long hours of his son’s
birth as he had for other births in the past: sitting alone in his favourite
study, facing the lone window and praying to the more benevolent gods. Six
times he had been through this tiresome process, and now a seventh. Close
enough to bear witness to the agony of his Queen, yet far enough away not to
have to face it directly. Battles were one thing, childbirth clearly another. Since the number of births is mentioned here, it provides an
opportunity to bring in the hope/need for an heir this time, and the
consequences.

The wailing
of his child had begun long after the screams of its mother, but fortunately
had not lasted as long. Silence held for some moments before the midwife
entered with the swaddled infant. The woman was dressed plainly, stout wool and
leather shoes, smeared with dark red stains, evidence of her recent endeavour. Her
hair had come loose from its braids and clung to her face and neck. Her
wrinkled face was flushed, as though she had run down the halls carrying a
heavy load. Ronan noticed this as she advanced with his child, and he
thought that the midwife must have worked as hard as the mother to bring him
this gift.

When she
lowered her offering into his hands, the silk still covered the baby’s tiny
face, but there was gentle movement beneath. Using only one finger, hHe moved
the fabric aside to gaze intently into his son’s face. What kind of man would
this be? Would he be strong or harsh, humble or vain? Kindness and loyalty
could be inherited from his mother, along with vanity and (snip) "gaze intently" is using an adverb to try to describe when a better verb could do the job alone--for example, a simple "study" would probably give the reader a more clear visual of what he's doing.