3. In Bogota, Colombia earlier this year, I broke my cell phone charger while I was closing a big deal back in The States. I had to turn my phone off after every call just to save juice. I now travel with two-three cell phones for back up.

6. In The Beaches of Spain, I spilled a full glass of water on my computer, in the middle of closing yet another huge deal back in The States. Luckily, it only ruined a few of the keys on the keyboard. For instance, whenever I typed a “t” it would type “t5″. It did the same with some other keys. You would be surprised how often you need to use the letter “t” when you type.

9. When I lost my Passport, I re-injured my back again, while lifting up a super heavy dresser from a weird angle in my apartment that I thought it fell behind (a book I had fell behind it). Then, my back went out while boxing a week later. I literally couldn’t stand up.

I had to get carted to the hospital in an ambulance! (First time in an ambulance).

My life might seem easy sometimes, but trust me, I take heavy punishment.

But I keep on punching. And if I said this Lifestyle wasn’t worth it, I would be lying to you.

“Now a lot of people think this is easy as it looks
Books and books of Game concepts and hooks
Hash Session to session to get thoughts manifested
Stressing and stressing to hit the world with a G blessing”

After spending my summer at the sea in Europe with more shells than Adidas tops, there is one thing I am certain of:

I like my chicks, like my whips, Topless.

Here is how you swoop Topless girls at The Beach (this Data Sheet is 15 years in the making):

First thing you need to do to swoop topless girls at the beach is put yourself in the right time and right place. “The right time” is summertime. “The right place” is east of Eden. Or at least, east of America (South Beach being the exception).

The second thing you need to do is re-condition your mind, so you don’t freeze up like the Hope Diamond around topless girls. I was lucky. I was fortunate enough to do be around topless girls at a young age. At age 14 or something, I spent a summer at the beaches of Spain. It was really like an epiphany for me (and I don’t mean that topless Exotic Dancer from Rick’s Caberet in New Orleans named “Epiphany”, real name Jenny, either). At that point in my life, I had probably only seen a few girls sans clothes. However, after that summer at the beach, I had probably seen 30,000 fly topless girls.

Hell, these days I don’t feel comfortable unless I am surrounded by topless girls. Might have something to do with why I spend some much time in Gentleman’s Clubs. But that’s neither French dime pieces nor E-tabs that look like Reese’s. It’s neither pushing weight nor E-Tab hallucinate.

Surf

The easiest way to swoop topless girls at the beach is by being an ill surfer. Especially, when you are talking the Côte de Basque and Northern Spain in general. If you are unlike your humble author, and you never learned to surf, get started. It’s going to take you 10 years to get halfway decent.

Pull into a few grinding, sandy tubes (and I don’t mean bongs either), air it out a little and once you are back on the beach, bust out with the “Bonjour”. “Ce va?” “Quel âge as-tu?” “Tu es très belle.” “Tu habite ici?” “En Vacance?” You know how the Language Game flows.

And for goodness sakes, never ever do this on the beach:

Never ever? Never ever.

Smokes and Hashish

Whoever is behind the “no-smoking laws” (I will give you a hint: it’s Big Pharma) has never sat between two topless fly French girls while smoking cigarettes on La Grande Plage in summer time. Because, if they had, they would make smoking mandatory. Breaking out a pack of Gitanes, Gauloises or Fortunas (in Spain) on the beach is a great opener on gaggle of fly topless girls at the beach.

An expertly, one-handed rolled, Shish Jay has style points off the charts. I first started doing this move in my “salad days”, and when I say salad days, I mean the days when I used to smoke Jays mixed with Afgan Blonde Hashish and Northern Lights Chronic. And I have been doing it ever since.

So get your Spanish Game, French Game, and Italian Game tight. The rest of the girls at the beach; Swiss, Scandinavian, Polish etc, will speak some English.

Enter The Dragon

To swoop mad fly topless girls at the beach, you are going to have to get in some reasonable form of good shape. Now, I am not saying to go overboard, live in the gym and get tribal tattoos like some Arizona Personal Trainer guy ponce. Just make sure you Enter the Dragon on the regular.

Go to the beach every day

Even on days when it’s not super sunny out. If you want to swoop topless girls, you have to meet girls that like the beach. I have met many girls while spocking the waves on un-sunny days. Roll up with a grit, and set the date for the beach when it’s sunny out: Presto! Topless girl.

What to watch out for:

Piggybackers

Piggybackers are typically wack American tourists that will try to infiltrate the fly topless girls you have already infiltrated. Many of the Euro beaches have “crews” of girls that chill topless. The bad part is that it is hard to get in. The good part is once you are in, you are in.

Hence, weesh American wack cats that try to “piggyback” your moves. Deal with them like you would any chavala.

Pro surfers

Pro surfers can be formidable competition, especially when there is a contest going on. A good thing to do is get to know some of these cats, which thankfully I do. If not, you can always out-Game and out-Rage these cats. And good local Drug Connection can work wonders as well.They might be Pro Surfers, but often times they aren’t Pro International Playboys.

Locals

The local crews can definitely put some salt in your Game as they can get pretty salty if you are running through some of the local topless girls. Again, it is good to have some local contacts to keep these guys at bay. You can always focus on the tourist girls to offset this, or come with your own Dope Crew from your local beach in case things get sticky like Haze.

In case you have the unfortunate circumstances of losing your Passport in Spain, and you have a flight to catch to leave the country, here is what you need to do:

1. You need to file a police report with the National Police (Policia National) not the local police. If you so happen to be in Alicante, Spain, they are located here: C/ Médico Pascual Pérez, 33 – 35. This is a major hassle and will throw salt in your Game, but having the police report will make things easier. Hopefully, you will also have a copy of your lost Passport.

2. You need to get either to Barcelona (Paseo Reina Elisenda de Montcada, 23, 08034 Barcelona) or Madrid (C/ SERRANO, 75, 28006 Madrid). Valencia has a Consulate as well, but they are closed now. I went to Barcelona, because I know the city better. The consolate is about 11km from the airport. Or about 15 min in cab.

3. Hop on flight to Barcelona (or Madrid). The police report will allow you to get on the flight.

4. Get your bags and throw them in the consegnas or storage lockers. This is in I think Terminal one. It costs about 5.40 euros for 24 hours. Make sure you keep your ticket safe.

5. Hope in a cab to The US Consulate in Barcelona. Grease the cab driver to make sure you get there before 1pm. This is key. And stupid that they close at 1pm. I mean, its not like it’s important, right? They are also open only Monday – Friday (9am to 1pm).

6. Roll over to Consulate. They actually are pretty helpful. If there is no line, they can get you an emergency Passport in one hour. You might need to show proof that you have a flight out of the country. Make sure you bring it. It will cost $135 dollars plus 4 euros for Passport photos. You can pay the $135 with credit card. You need cash (monedas) for the photos.

7. In an hour or so, you have your emergency Passport. Pure stoke.

8. Make sure you check out Monastery de Pedralbes and The Güell Pavilions by Antonio Gaudi, as both are in walking distance of the Consulate. This will help make your trip to Barcelona worthwhile.

9. Get a Catalan grind on.

10. Hop in a cab back to airport.

11. Get your luggage out of the consegnas.

12. You are back in action. Commence swooping girls at Barcelona airport. There will be tons.

I decided to take a long walk around the point and take a look at this cove beach I spocked a few days earlier on a jog before the swell came. (I have a unique ability to find secret spots and set ups).

I anticipated correctly as I was able to surf this perfect right hand tube off the rocks to the head. No one out. (Took a picture from high above on the cliff after the session. It was bigger/better earlier, when I surfed it.)

What’s up now?

Now, you ask, “Where exactly is that spot?”

Do me a favor.

But I will say it is kind of near here:

Or maybe not.

In Gold News:

The gold bug has hit the shopping center.

Gold Max — said to be he largest chain of jewelery-purchasing stores — says it’s on track to open 100 gold-buying shops in Southern California within the next year. It already has seven Orange County stores.

One of the great things about The Del Mar Racetrack in Summertime is you really get some top tier girls rolling through. I am talking Hollywood Actresses, Models, and Playboy girls (ok, not exactly “top tier”, but you get my point).

Here is a move I use to swoop them:

When you spot a insanely fly girl in The Del Mar Turf Club, chances are, there are going to be other playboys trying to swoop her.

Let them make their move. The Del Mar Racetrack is just as much a Stamina competition as a Game competition.

And since it is a “closed environment” you can bide your time and wait. (This tactic also works at other “closed environments” ie weddings).

However, what I will do, is step in strong make and introduction, and cut out. I spot them from afar and play The Deerhunter.

Then I let the other Playboys blow their bankroll and lose steam.

When the time is right, at approximately the fifth race, I will then make my move again.

Since she already knows who you are, you will seem like a breath of fresh air. I then isolate her and roll around the spot, introducing her to the heavies ie The Shark, Pitino, the cat who runs the show at Flemington Racecourse in Melbourne, Beyer, and other assorted characters.

A cigarette on the balcony, and it is time to close the show. And when you close the show, do it like Sugar Ray Leonard did against Tommy “The Hitman” Hearns:

Essentailly, what you want to do when you swoop The Top Tier Girls at The Del Mar Racetrack is be the “boxer” in the early rounds and change to the “puncher” in the later rounds. Like Sugar Ray. And I am not talking about that crappy band from Orange County either.

Make sense?

Side note on The Del Mar Racetrack:

It is widely accepted that I have been the No.1 Playboy at The Del Mar Racetrack over the last ten years. (Something like The Celtics in the 60’s. I am mildly surprised that Sports Illustrated hasn’t covered this).

Doubt me? Just walk up to whoever you think is the top playboy there and ask him, “Who is the top Playboy at The Del Mar Racetrack?”

Nine times out of ten, the answer you will get is, “Michael Mason, with out a doubt.”

But that is neither here nor there.

However, this summer I will not be making an apperance. I have decided to trade The Del Mar Racetrack for the Topless Beaches of Spain this summer.

I have settled nicely into a routine of waking up late, surfing, chilling with fly 21 year old topless girls, having them cook me a Spanish lunch, swooping and napping.

Decent.

The Down Economy has hurt The Del Mar Racetrack. And I don’t like where they are going with the non-smoking thing either.

Essentially, I am pulling a “Lennox Lewis” and I am surrendering my belt.

I am mildly surprised that my concept of “The Mini-Relationship” hasn’t taken the world by storm similar to when Tim Ferriss came out with the concept of “The Mini-Retirement”. But that is neither triple beams nor Cocaine Dreams.

As I find myself in the midst of another Mini-Relationship in an undisclosed South American Capital, I have found there is another big advantage along with Mad Local Grinds, Cultural Insight and Language Skill Building: Pro-bono rent.

In this case I am enjoying the majestic, stately home of the girl’s family I am swooping; huge, park-like backyard, maid service, cooks, swimming pool etc

I wish I had this pro-bono rent situation on all my trips. Hell, if I had been doing this all along, I would probably be retired by now.