Reports: Barcelona officials steal Almeria’s lunch money

The latest reports from Spain suggest that Barcelona officials have forcibly taken relegation-threatened Almeria’s directors’ lunch money, forcing the Andalusians to borrow €3.50 each from Malaga.

Once the head boy of football, Barcelona have gone off the rails this year. Not long after being accused of tax evasion relating to the signing of Neymar, a FIFA transfer ban for signing underage players has been doled out to the Catalan club.

This represents a massive fall from grace for Barcelona, who appear to have taken to the role of black sheep with relish. Just hours after the news of the transfer ban broke, reports reached the Spanish press that Barcelona officials had been bullying smaller clubs’ directors for the amusement of the executives of fellow giants Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid.

Sources have reported that Barcelona officials cornered their Almeria counterparts and extorted a fistful of petty cash, before mocking their 22,000-capacity stadium and threatening to sign the entire Almeria squad if they ever saw them again.

“Barcelona have just gone totally off the rails,” an onlooker told FourFourTwo. “It’s like they want to get in trouble. They’re acting like spoiled brats.

“As it was walking off I heard the board members talking about how they wanted to put a swear word on their shirt for the rest of the season just to see if anyone said anything.”

The exact nature of Barcelona’s next subversive act remains to be seen, but last weekend's opponents Real Betis were rightfully wary. Rumours began circulating that the scoreboard at the Camp Nou already read: ‘Barcelona 0-0 Real Bellend’.