5 Conversations You Must Have Before Moving In Together

Deciding to become roomies with your guy is a huge step in your relationship. And while there are a ton of wonderful things about sharing your living space, be sure to chat about these five topics before you sign the lease together.

When Chris and I got our first apartment together, I didn’t think I’d be in for any surprises. We’d been dating for a few years and we’d often stay over at the other’s place. But as I quickly discovered, romantic sleepovers are a lot different from cohabitation. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Get money honey. There’s no hard and fast rule for how to divide expenses. Often, one partner is able to contribute considerably more to the household because of a higher salary. When you start looking for a place to share, talk about your household budget and how much each of you can contribute. At first, it might feel uncomfortable chatting about cashflow with your fellow, but it’s far better to have these conversations before bills start piling up.

Chores galore. I’m a firm believer in splitting up housework. But if there is something you absolutely hate doing or if there’s a chore he simply doesn’t know how to do, talk about it ahead of time. One of my friends shared that in her first month living with her boyfriend, she found out he didn’t know how to operate a washing machine. When she asked him how he had functioned living on his own for years, he confessed he took his laundry home to his mother! Another one of my friends told me that she doesn’t “do bathrooms,” but while her guy scrubs the toilet, sink and tub, she happily does everything in the kitchen.

Diners club. Before you shack up, cooking together can seem like a novelty. After all, it’s super fun to show off our fanciest Iron Chef skills on romantic nights in. But when you actually live together, that changes. Be realistic with each other about your culinary expectations: how often you’ll dine in, how often you can afford to go out and how you’ll share cooking duties.

Manage your inventory. Chances are, you’ll both bring some furniture, electronics, kitchen items, clothes etc. to the new place. Or, if one of you already has a great apartment and the other is simply moving stuff in, you’ll still have to deal with merging all of your goodies. Unless you’ve got a huge place to fit everything, chat about how you’ll store, donate or toss the items that you don’t have room for. I’d recommend keeping the more comfortable bed, better television and newer living room furniture. Also, discuss what things are non-negotiable on both sides. Does he want to have his collection of guitars on display in the living room or do you have a few pieces of artwork that must hang on the wall by themselves?

Personal space. Sure, you’re physically combining your space, but it’s OK (and I’d actually recommend it!) to keep a few things private. If you’re not comfortable peeing around him, fine. Let him know that you value your time alone in the loo. Or if you enjoy some quiet time reading every night, share that with him too. Likewise, if he unwinds after work by playing computer games for an hour, let him.

What are some other topics couples should discuss before moving in together? If you live with your guy, what things did you chat about before living together? Is there anything you wish you would have talked about? If you don’t live with your guy, what aspects of moving in together are you excited about? What stuff are you not looking forward to?