Faithful readers know this infernal rag (or at least yours truly) has a soft spot for librarians, given that they're always so helpful in helping us find long-lost newspaper clips or giving us a space to rant. So it's just my luck that the weekend when more than 25,000 of them are traveling to the Anaheim Convention Center for the American Library Association's annual conference, I'm going to be in the salt mines and thus unable to hang out with them.

But that doesn't mean the rest of you cretins can't try to sneak in. Although most events are restricted to ALA members, you know those librarians are going to be roaming Anaheim's hotels, lonely souls on the lookout for a quickie lecture on Safran Froer, or looking for participants to engage in naughty videos like the following:

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