Kermit's Lectures

Through the years of Sesame Street, Kermit has done many lectures about various objects and concepts. Most of his lectures had him sitting on top of a brick wall or standing behind one. Often, his lectures went awry, due to the bad assistance of other characters in the skits.

Cookie Monster drinks both of Kermit's glasses of milk, which he was going to use to explain "more" and "less". When Kermit insults Cookie Monster, several of Cookie Monster's monster pals gang up on Kermit, prompting him to point out that now there are more monsters and less frogs. Some of the monsters besides Cookie were Beautiful Day Monster, Snerk, and an unnamed Splurge-like monster.

Kermit tries to present a lecture about the letter B, but Cookie Monster eats the bottom of the B and turns it into an R. Kermit talks about the R, but then Cookie Monster snacks some more, and makes it a P. Kermit tries to go on, but the monster keeps eating, making it into an F, and then an I, and then nothing at all. Kermit chides Cookie Monster for ruining his lesson. Cookie Monster gives Kermit a kiss, then exits.

Kermit talks about hair. According to Kermit, "Hair is a part of you. It is not a part of me, because I am a frog." He points out that some people have hair on their heads, while others have it on their faces. But if you have hair all over your body (like Beautiful Day Monster, who emerges brushing himself and singing "A pretty girl is like a melody ...") then you're a monster!

Kermit talks about the word "in," and a monster (an early Grover) wants to help him teach. Kermit has a big box that he wants Grover to get inside, but Grover can't seem to grasp the concept of IN ... he gets beside the box, on the box, and under the box. Finally, he reveals why he can't get in the box because Fred is already inside it.

Kermit and Cookie Monster demonstrate what it is to be happy, angry and sad. Kermit gets angry when Cookie Monster eats the happy face that Kermit provided, Cookie Monster feels sad when Kermit threatens to tell Cookie's mommy what he did, and that makes Kermit happy because he was able to do his demonstration without the tasty styrofoam faces.

Kermit talks about making the B sound, with much detail. When Beautiful Day Monster walks by, Kermit goes over the lesson again. The monster does the noise perfectly, but his "BAH!" scares Kermit away, and fogs up the screen.

Kermit demonstrates between by using a ping-pong ball, a donut, and a Beatles record sitting on a table, with the donut between the record and the ball. Beautiful Day Monster comes along and proceeds to eat everything. Kermit fears he will also get eaten, but the monster thanks him with a kiss.

Kermit plays a sorting game with squares and circles, until Cookie Monster arrives and takes a bite out of the shapes. Kermit is upset, until he tastes one of them, and he joins Cookie Monster in finishing off the rest!

Kermit talks about clues. He shows that a boy has grown some carrots because he has a hoe, a watering can, and a bunch of carrots. Next, he confirms that a man has built a birdhouse because of his wood, paint, and carpenter's tools. When he notices Beautiful Day Monster with a suitcase and an umbrella, Kermit assumes that the monster is going on a trip. The monster corrects him; he's planning to eat his umbrella, and uses the suitcase to carry the ketchup he'll use to eat it with.

Kermit is about to talk about the letter R, until Cookie Monster karate chops one of the legs off, turning it into a P. When Kermit threatens to tell the monster's mommy, Cookie reassembles the broken letter back to the letter "R".

Bob holds an American bullfrog and asks Kermit to talk about frogs. However, due to living a somewhat different life than normal frogs, what Kermit says about frogs is somewhat incorrect; for example, Kermit believes that frogs eat fried chicken and pizza, and live in apartment houses.

Kermit and Cookie Monster demonstrate the idea of "some, more and most" using three piles of cookies, each one bigger than the one before. Cookie Monster gets his choice of the piles, but he doesn't want "some", "more", or even "most". He wants them all!

Kermit talks about hands, with some assistance from a human Hand. The Hand assists Kermit at first, helping Kermit count its fingers with the viewers. Kermit then starts listing things the Hand can do. The Hand shows it can wave and point. When Kermit says the word hold, the Hand chokes him, but then backs off. The Hand the demonstrates pat, poke and scratch, but then tickles and fights Kermit. Kermit bites the Hand to get it to stop. The Hand makes up by shaking hands, but then abruptly pulls Kermit off screen, ending the lecture.

Grover does things for a long time while Kermit does things for a short time. Grover gets worn out and asks to switch places, and then they demonstrate by tickling each other. An edited version of this segment, focusing on just the tickling portion, appears in the "Ticklish" episode of The Sesame Street Podcast.

Kermit trains Cookie Monster as a weather person. Kermit had a map of the United States and weather symbols and explained what each symbol meant to Cookie Monster. Kermit tells Cookie Monster to place them on the right spot on the weather map. After completing the weather map, Cookie decides to produce sounds of the weather. He pours the contents of a watering can for rain, for wind, blew a few blows of air for wind. Kermit asks what sound sunshine makes, Cookie Monster devours the sun symbol.

Kermit has Grover help him demonstrate up and down by having Grover climb UP a sky-high flight of stairs -- while Kermit takes the elevator to the top. Exhausted, Grover faints and rolls DOWN the staircase.

Kermit comes across the word "Telephone", spells it, and then teaches the word to the viewer. When an Anything Muppet boy who stands too far away says that he can't hear Kermit, Kermit dials the T, and the boy answers with the last E.

Kermit talks about feet, assisted by a man's Feet. Kermit points out one Foot's wiggling toes, and has the Feet walk, jump, hop, kick, and dance. One Foot ends the dance standing on Kermit's hand. When Kermit says they can go now, The Feet stay. Kermit states that "one other thing that Feet are is ticklish." and begins tickling them. The Feet squirm and pull away, as the man laughs hysterically. The Feet run off, and a crash is heard. Kermit says that Feet sometimes also "trip over things."

Kermit and Grover demonstrate the difference between heavy and light. Grover carries heavy objects, and Kermit carries light objects. Grover gets tired, and asks Kermit if he can carry something light for a change. Kermit obliges. He carries a giant sandwich... while Grover picks up a helium balloon, which carries him away!

Kermit talks about the word "Taxi" After describing how a taxi works, a small muppet calls "taxi!" and the word drives up to him, and he enters through the XI, which open like a door, then the word TAXI takes off down the line. Kermit remarks that that's "about all I have to say about the word Taxi."

Kermit describes the words beginning, middle and end using a book, with assistance from Cookie Monster. Kermit tells Cookie as he reaches each part, beginning/middle/end, when he turns the pages. Then Cookie asks what kind of book it is (a cookbook), and what is in each part. Kermit responds with "soups", entrees, and then "desserts," Cookie says "like... cookies?" then eats the book. Kermit sighs "I guess that's the end of the book."

Kermit talks about his favorite subject frogs. Gladys the Cow assists by being a cow frog wearing goggles, air tank, and froggy foot paddles. Gladys asks Kermit how it would feel to be a cow and he replies feeling glad to be a frog. Gladys puts a cow's horns, ears, and a bell on Kermit.

Kermit demonstrates to the viewer how your neck moves to different positions without moving your body, and how you'd have to move your body at different positions without your neck. In the process, he falls off his mushroom. "All in all, it's a good thing we have our necks," he says.

Kermit describes a black rotary dial telephone that is skinny in the middle, has a round base, and a big circle with a lot of little circles, and has cords at the back. Meanwhile Cookie Monster describes the same telephone and adds that it is delicious.

Elmo loudly interrupts Kermit's demonstration of "quiet" and "loud". Elmo loudly insists on helping Kermit demonstrate the difference, and Kermit manages to get Elmo to whisper as they talk about being quiet.

Kermit (Steve Whitmire) intends to talk about light and dark, so he turns his living room lamp off. Grover enters, leaving the door open so that the room doesn't stay dark. He tries to help by eliminating all light in the room so neither of them can see.

Kermit tests two blindfolded monsters and aks them which number they're feeling. Herry Monster minus his blindfold describes how he knew the number was a five and in the process breaks the five into pieces. Cookie Monster attempts to feel the number and Kermit tells him that he can't since its broken. Cookie Monster devours the pieces and tells Kermit it tastes like a five.

Kermit counts monkeys

Kermit counts five monkeys, and when he is done, he gets monkey business.