Ordonez-Lopez
II will be aired on pay per view after the fracas that ensues from a hard slide
into second.

Detroit GM Randy Smith
will declare a mulligan on the whole thing. ",Really guys. I was just
fooling around. Can I have Kapler back. No? How about Cordero.
Can I at least have my dignity back?"

Phil Garner
will learn the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Albert Belle
will refuse to talk to anymore candyass reporters right around April 10th.

Yankees, Indians,
Rangers, Red Sox.

Mets, Astros,
Giants, Cards.

Yankees
over the Astros in 6.

—Kip Yates

I am tall and lanky.To make up for it, I make my predictions
short and sweet.I gaze into my crystal
baseball and see...dang!I can't see
anything...must be a rain delay...oh man, now what?I guess i'll just have to make stuff up!I close my eyes, concentrate... these are my
visions...

1.Chuck Knoblach
will commit an error

2.Rickey Henderson
will steal second base

3.Randy Johnson will
strike someone out

...phew!That took a lot of pyschic energy...I'm
beat...It was tough, but MY predictions will prove to be 100% accurate!I rule the magical world of baseball
prophecy!

—Mark Hughson

AL
EAST

Yankees:
With the Straw gone, at least they won’t have to
bother with that non-alcoholic champagne.

Red
Sox: The Brothers Martinez
will keep ‘em in it through the summer.

Blue
Jays:Ask David Wells
if he thinks they’ll miss Shawn Green.

Orioles:
The roster looks like an AARP convention.

Devil
Rays: Will probably post scores higher than the Buccaneers,
but will lose more than the Lightning.

AL
CENTRAL

Indians:
Reuniting Lance Johnson and Jim Riggleman
doesn’t bode well for team chemistry. [Ed note: Johnson was released
before the season began]

Angels:
Having traded Jim Edmonds, they could finish in the Pacific Coast
League.

NL
EAST

Braves:
Even without Smoltz, these guys know how to win. Except in October.

Mets:Hampton will help.
Think he can manage?

Phillies:If Schilling’s healthy, they could…
finish third.

Expos:
The Canadiens have a better chance at winning a World Series title.

Marlins:Worst team this side of Minnesota.

NL
CENTRAL

Reds:Barry Larkin probably shouldn’t be
running his mouth, but the fact is I agree with him.

Astros:
Could be in trouble if they have to start the season with Doc
Gooden in the rotation.

Cubs:
Realistically, they will probably finish lower. But good things tend to follow Don
Baylor around

Cardinals:
Will probably finish higher, but still won’t make the post-season, so who
cares?

Pirates:
Do the Indians have
any more Brian Giles-types they wanna give away?

Brewers:
Give Bernie Brewer a bat. Or let him pitch. Anything would be an improvement

NL
WEST

Diamondbacks:Should walk away with
this cupcake division, which is hardly a ringing endorsement.

Dodgers:
Won’t be able to blame it on Eric Young this time
around

Giants:
Is the Livan Hernandez Watch over?

Rockies:Their pitching stinks.
And not just at Coors.

Padres:
’98 was fun, wasn’t it?

—Reggie Lee-Ray

What '00 has in store for
baseball fans...

Zisk #3
will appear before Bobby Valentine gets sacked

Ismael Valdes
has a great year but no one notices because the Cubs remain a trainwreck
of a club and the Dodgers have so many other problems that by season's
end they have yet to realize what a monumental mistake they made in trading
Valdes for a schlub like Terry Adams. (who, despite his protests, Dodger
management still thinks is the guy from NRBQ)

The Toad
has a decent year north of the border and helps the Expos flirt with .500.

Jose Rosado
finally puts together two great halves and has a breakthrough season.

The Yankees sleepwalk
through another challenge-free campaign leaving us with yet another boring
regular season in the A.L.

Random thoughts—Ken
Griffey Junior can’t be a winner without Randy Johnson, so Cincy is
doomed to fall back from last year.The Mets
had fate on their side last year, but won’t have enough juice to get to the
series.Oakland shines as ex-Met Jason
Isringhausen blossoms as a closer.Tony
LaRussa and Mark McGwire finally have pitching, and a centerfielder
in JimEdmonds to replace Brian Jordan, and could end up
with the best record in the N.L.And
this is the last year the Yanks make the World Series for a while.

—Steve
ReynoldsBench Notes:Shaking off the Garth Brooks Curse1998 Padres (pre-spring training Garth):98-64 (.605) - 1st place NL West, NL Champs1999 Padres (post-spring training Garth):74-88 (.457) - 4th place NL West1999 Mets (pre-Garth)97-66 (.595) - 2nd place NL East, Wildcard2000 Mets (post-Garth)???Note that in the last game of the ('99) ALCS, the Yanks pitched El Duque, you know, the guy from the Mentors, and followed him up with Jeff Nelson of Minor Threat, and they won--and in the last game of the NLCS, the Mets pitched country suprstar Kenny Rogers, and lost. Looks like punk kicked ass on C&W in 1999! How sad for Garth.—Rev. Norb'Twas a Night at Shea (One fan's actual cheers and jeers overheard one summer evening in the upper deck)"The Mets brain trust is all here""We're better than the Braves in different ways""The Yankees have their tradition and we have ours""A triple play in the World Series""Bonds, you're nine years old today""And the umpire was shitting his pants""Why do the birds fly to Shea?""Do you think he'll make the yearbook?""If you get to 16 you're one better than Grote""The tracks are hungry for you"The ctacher isn't stupid""the battery is deep""Pratt, the trust is you""The Mets should play centerfield right behind second base"