Cashblowing with Hextall454

Face it, people – the summer months are difficult ones in which to be a sarcaustic hockey blog. Good leads on stories are as infrequent as Derian Hatcher lighting the lamp/turning down an eclair. In what may become a recurring feature out of necessity, Hextall454 takes a look at the finest product offerings the NHL Shop has to offer…and then promptly demands his money back.

The NHL thinks it has you pegged. They’ve got shift after shift of market research assistants who know your spending patterns and the product lines that will pique your interest. And to prove it to you, they’re having a 15% off EVERYTHING sale for the next week or so to entice you to spend your almighty currency at their cybermarket. Who needs gas money, when you can buy this adorable blow-up rink display for no doubt your favorite Starting Lineup hockey figures. It’s a Franklin Mini Hockey Rink Set!

Just picture yourself, chilling in your well-carpeted finished basement, making line changes with your favorite miniature representations of the game’s best players, choosing not to focus that the depth of the nets rival blueline-to-blueline. And sure, the price of 99.99 seems high for a round of simulated shiftwork, but I guess some people are really into the experience. Sign me up.

Sweet Christ, it’s what now?

Ohhhhhhhhhh.

So it’s a mini rink that you and your friends play knee hockey on. Whew. For a second, I thought the NHL was seriously overestimating my interest in Starting Lineup.

At 8 feet by 13 feet, I’m pretty sure this thing big as most dorm rooms. And while the ball, sticks, and goals are not included, it may make for a nice landing point after a night of hard drinking. Oh, and also at 8 feet by 13 feet, this photo depicts the LARGEST CARPETED BASEMENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.