Bear with me now as I attempt to tell you about the newest learning vacation available in Las Vegas. Night School 4 Girls, which we learned about from our friends at the San Francisco Chronicle, is a new class at the Excalibur Hotel and Casino that teaches girls the art of seduction, from pole dancing to burlesque to “more” – though the official website doesn’t explain exactly what “more” means. The 70-minute classes take place at the Excalibur’s Thunder from Down Under Showroom (I am not making this up) and are strictly for women. Uh, I mean girls.

Because it is a school, participants choose from four different party packages – Flirty Freshmen, Sexy Sophmore’s [sic], Juicy Juniors, or Sultry Seniors – all of which include an official diploma and NS4G souvenir photo. Pricier packages get you benefits such as VIP nightclub access to Cathouse, a party boa, open bar privileges, and other goodies to help you express your drunk…uh, I mean uninhibited…side.

E! Television star Laura Croft, the school’s headmistress, and four other instructors with backgrounds in dance, put students through their paces at the Night School 4 Girls. But, because of Laura’s “busy schedule of parties and appearances,” she will not be in attendance at every class. Lucky for us, she does offer some helpful party tips for visiting Vegas. For example, “Need a quick energy boost? Try a Jagerbomb” and “Only take your top off…when asked nicely.”

Would you look at that? I got through that whole post without making a pun of the Las Vegas Strip. But with a topic like Night School 4 Girls, those puns just write themselves, don’t they?

Only in New York can you throw back a $1,000 shot and live to write about it.

If you’re looking for a spirit to redefine celebration, you don’t necessarily have to dress up for New York‘s luxury hotels, top-tier restaurants or exclusive bars. After all, this is New York, and luxury can be found in the most obscure places. Instead, direct your driver to W. 33rd Street, between 5th Avenue and Broadway and head to the third floor of gentlemen’s club Rick’s Cabaret – there you’ll find a cognac that’s almost impossible to purchase anywhere else in the United States.

Louis XIII Rare Cask de Remy Martin is not widely available. Of the 786 bottles on the market, a mere 30 were allocated to the U.S. market, which have mostly been claimed by private collectors and consumers, leaving few opportunities for the merely wealthy to enjoy a sip.

Shortly before the armed guards showed up at Rick’s Cabaret with the club’s two bottles, I learned from Louis XIII senior brand manager Remi Brabant, as we sipped a more conventional Remy Martin cognac, that 10 percent of the U.S. allocation – three bottles – is going to Rick’s Cabaret. Two bottles were escorted to the VIP floor at the Manhattan club, after having been carried almost reverently over the red carpet out front, and the third will be served at the company’s Tootsie’s club in Miami.

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When asked why Rick’s Cabaret received the opportunity to purchase such a large share of the U.S. inventory – particularly that available after private buyers were accommodated – he cited Remy Martin’s long relationship with Rick’s Cabaret, not to mention the strength of the gentlemen’s club’s brand and its financial security (Rick’s is publicly traded and has used the recession to go on something of an acquisition spree, with CEO Eric Langan making some smart pickups). Branant told me, “It’s a great pleasure [to work with Rick’s],” adding, “these are fantastic people to work with.” Ultimately, he concluded, “It’s about friendship.”

According to Ken Sistrunk, the New York club’s general manager, a single ounce of this cognac will cost a customer $1,250, with price breaks coming at an ounce and a half ($1,750) and 2 ounces ($2,200). Even at these prices, he said that the bottles won’t last long. Sistrunk expects the first purchase to be made by the middle of August, with both bottles being exhausted by New Year’s Day.

So, who would shell out more than $1,000 for a single ounce of cognac? Sistrunk explained, “There are still a lot of people making a lot of money, and they want to celebrate.”

There are two types of waitress you want to tip. The first will climb onto your lap for an extra $20 while the DJ pushes the sounds of Whitesnake through the speakers, and she’ll earn every dime of it. The other, however, is far more dangerous. She won’t take your money, but she will take your life.

North Korean women dream of becoming waitresses, and the job is only available to those who come from the right families, according to Open Radio for North Korea:

“The waitress probably comes from a privileged background,” said a North Korean defector who used to work as a performer in the North. “Only women from good family backgrounds are given the chance to work abroad.”

The opportunity to work abroad is a rare privilege in this reclusive state. Of course, candidates have to come from politically reliable families, but there are other criteria, including the ability to dance and play a musical instrument and a university degree. Most important, however, is that waitressing is for hotties only. If you’ve been smacked around by the “ugly stick,” you probably won’t be allowed to carry a tray.

Oh, and you need to qualify for a license to kill. Open Radio for North Korea also noted that some of the waitresses are spies.

So, there are two women you don’t want to stiff in this world: a stripper and a North Korean waitress. Wait, maybe you do …

Sin City authorities made him stop toting the strippers around, but the club is ready to fight. His vehicle rolled up and down the strip from 10 PM to 2 AM. Strippers inside gave a taste of what goes on inside the club. And yes, in case you were wondering, the truck had poles for the ladies to work.

The strip site, which was kept secret until the last minute, was Jubilee Gardens in London. Thanks to the power of cliché, this St. Patrick’s Day get-together featured shamrocks for the participants to wear. Fortunately, this didn’t stop a few die-hards from going “Full Monty.”

As if anyone cares, the stunt was organized to promote new Aer Lingus routes from Gatwick Airport to Europe, with a tagline of “no hidden extras.” Though, I guess that depends on who was wearing the shamrock.