Depression is one of those disorders that, like many, are completely misunderstood. We picture people with depression as these mopey people who can’t get out of bed to do anything. That’s not always, and almost never is, actually the case.

People suffering from depression can get up and work jobs and have a social life too. What should we look for in a secretly depressed loved one?

1. They easily become angry.

When we think about depression, we think about people being cripplingly sad, but that’s not the only way depression manifests. You also see anger bubble up to the surface in violent and surprising ways.

2. Small things freak them out.

Along with anger, you would be surprised at how hard they lash out over nothing. For example, they can’t find their comb, so they explode, tear apart the bathroom, and then become hard on themselves when it was found somewhere obvious.

3. They don’t care anymore.

One clear sign of depression is playing it fast and loose, and living incredibly recklessly. They may break things, they just don’t care, and engage in dangerous activities due to a lack of caring.

4. They self-medicate and abuse drugs.

Depression can be a difficult thing from which to escape. Many people, fearing the stigma associated with depression, don’t even try to get medication. Instead, they turn to drugs and alcohol to help alleviate some of the pain they experience.

5. They can’t let things go.

Often times, people who are depressed feel like things are out of their control, and they react to this in one of two ways; by withdrawing, or by obsessively trying to control minute aspects of life. A sure sign of secret depression is not letting things go.