1. In neo-lithic times, there was no means of transportation for Neanderthal beings except their own two feet. Thus many of them did alot of running. When running their ussually hairy and oblong penises would chafe agianst their body, so they decided to make an animal skin contraption to hold their beef penis and testicles in place.

At the excavation site, Monty uncovered a 4 million year old Chro-Magnum Beef Harness