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Happy “Make Single People Feel Like Crap” Day!

Today is the day that all Singletons loathe. It is yet another day for those in the land of coupledom to celebrate their love for their partners. My response: “Do you really need another day?”

When you are single, the only day you get to celebrate “your love”, specifically for yourself, is on your birthday. Couples get anniversaries galore. The anniversary of their first date, their first kiss, their first . . . horizontal mambo, their first month together, their first holiday together, their first year together, etc.

And you like to throw parties where you invite your singleton friends who have to buy you gifts for your engagement, your bridal shower, your bachelorette party, your wedding, your house warming, your anniversary parties, your baby shower, the birth of your baby, your kids birthdays, your birthday, your spouse’s birthday and Christmas presents for all. What do you have to buy for me? A birthday gift and maybe a Christmas card, which is usually a picture of your “happy family.”

If I were to start throwing parties for my cats, expecting presents, you would all complain. “They are just pets.” No, they are my family. My furbabies. My children. A catnip mouse would greatly be appreciated on their adoption anniversary and on Christmas. But such a request, celebrating my love for my cats, would be considered “abnormal” and leave me with with a title of the “Crazy Cat Lady.”

So, again, I ask, why do you need another day? Your love for each other is often thrown in the face of others. Especially those who insist on public displays of affection. No one wants to watch you stick your tongue down another person’s throat–especially when you are on bikes, on the boardwalk next to Santa Monica beach. Or making out in the grocery store. And the “It’s a Small World” ride is not very dark, no one wants to see you reach for a “small” world after all. So be considerate. Otherwise, one day, a Singleton, much like myself, may just walk up and push you over or smack you really hard with their purse/basket/whatever.

We don’t need any reminders that we are single. We know. And if you are a family member of a Singleton, ask about their cats or dogs. Stop reminding them that the clock is ticking or that their cousin who is the same age is happily married with a dozen kids. And for God Sake’s, stop sending them the “brag about how wonderful my kid is” Christmas cards. We only mock them. And who knows, maybe one day you will receive a “brag about how wonderful my cats are” letter with your Christmas card. It would talk about all the wonderful things Elvira has figured out how to steal or how good Missy is getting at opening cabinets, even the childproof ones. They both can understand and speak several different languages. And their acrobatics are deserving of a Golden Paw award.

So please, be considerate and compassionate today to those of us who are single. We don’t need any reminders of our “status.”