Letters I'll Never Send

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It’s your birthday today. This will be the first birthday of yours that I’ve missed in ten years. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long. I was a freshman in high school, and you were simply my dream. There’s no need to rehash how bad we were for each other those next few years. Sometimes, it was really really good. Then you left. Then you left again. Then, years later, we split for good. But the point isn’t that that dream was sometimes a nightmare or that my dreams weren’t all tey cracked up to be. The point is that even after we broke up that last ugly, messy, blurry time, you were still my best friend. You were the six foot male bridesmaid at my wedding. You were the one true link I had to my past.

And for the left of me I can’t understand exactly why it happened the way it did. You started dating her last October, and now we don’t talk anymore. By the way, you still haven’t wen introduced us. I begged you for your friendship over Christmas, over New Years, into January…

And one last time, you left. This time, I’m not chasing you. I’ll tell myself it’s because I’m an adult now and chasing you would be childish. I’ll tell myself that you must have stopped loving me if it was so easy to listen to my cries for sustained friendship and ignore them. But…you probably just got lazy and complacent. This friendship, and therefore a huge part of me, is probably just dying because you’re busy now and you have someone to give your hours to. It feels worse than I can imagine. It feels like you just made the choice to stop loving me.