I write words about things that are on my mind.

This isn’t a poor me post

March 13, 2012

Most days I feel like one big raw open nerve. It sounds gross but it actually feels as gross as it sounds. I am not a weepy emotional person most of the time. I am usually (as you probably know) spiky and hard to offend. If the wind blows too hard these days I am in tears. When I am working at Salty and a happy couple comes in, tears. I see a man hold a door open for his lady, tears. I see a little old man waiting for his wife to finish shopping at the craft store, tears. The doctor gave me some anti anxiety meds, but they just make me feel and act pretty much drunk. I can’t even drive if I take it. How do people function on these? It seems like it would be a good thing in theory. Pop a pill and your troubles disappear. Not so much for me. Then I think it’s probably actually for the best because the idea of taking the anti anxiety medication actually gives me anxiety because I think, what if I take them for 3 months and then when I stop all the feelings that I should have felt the 3 months is all built up and I lose my mind. Does it work like that? I don’t even know. So I’ll just save those pills for the dentist and when I need to stop thinking at night and pass out. Wine seems like a good option too until I have some and once again, I start crying. Can’t all the crying and bullshit emotions just all come out and once and we can be done with it?

So this isn’t a poor me post it’s just a me putting all these thoughts into the universe and hopefully then they are out of me. Also, if you see me and I have stupid tears in my eyes for seemingly no reason, let’s all pretend I have dirt in my eye.