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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Oscars 2013

I think you know what is about to happen here. But before we get into it, can I just say how thankful I am that the Oscars producers read our 2012 post and put a few genuine hunks into the mix this year. Still, it would help if they didn't include so much shit in the coverage. Fuckers.

J: Oh, that was the worst! The worst! I think I
don't like any actress less.

K: 16 per cent battery mate! #runningonempty

J: Well, even though these Oscars are boring as
the proverbial bat shit (what kind of proverb writer would write one about
bat shit?) You've gotta admit the hunk quotient is higher than last year.

K: A little bit. Just a little bit. No Christian
Bale, I can't help but notice.

More DDL wouldn't go astray #ifyouvegotitflauntit

J: #truedat Still, Marky Mark, the Radcliffe-Gordon Levitt dance, Joaqs
in the audience. Last year it was like there wasn't a handsome man in the
audience.

K: So true. Joaqs in the audience has been a
real boon.

Where is Casey?

Also, where are the straps on all the dresses of all the
ladies? It's just shoulder after shoulder tonight...

J: Oh, I know. Where is Casey Affleck and where
are the straps. But seriously folks, why isn't Casey Affleck there with his
brother or brother in-law?

K: Shit mate, I'm on reserve battery power! 7 per
cent!

J: I don't if you are still there mate, but
KStew and Radcliffe! #togetheratlast

K: I went to clean my teeth. What did I miss?

J: Just more broken promises.

K: That's Oscartown

J: Yep. Another year, another 5 hours wasted.

K: Oh, no you don't mate!! MY HOMEGIRL

J: She's rapping

K: I wish she would do the rap from Austin Powers

J: #memories

K: You know, it's surprising one of my brothers isn't gay, what with all the milk of Barbra Streisand we were nursed on.

J: Probably one of them is #keepitinthecloset HAHAHA! Obviously I do not think either of your brothers is gay

K: No one does Mate. But I bet we came close. Anyway. I'm going to hit the sack.So who won stuff?

J: Argo
won best movie, DDL won best actor, Ang Lee won best movie, Jennifer
Lawrence won best actress. I think. I'm a bit making this up. Improv they call it in the biz. The Internet tells me Django won best original screenplay and Argo won best unoriginal screenplay.