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Friday, August 4, 2017

ON THIS DAY

On this date in 1693, Dom Perignon introduced champagne. He was a monk, doing God's work. God bless him. Greatest invention ever... until the time he met Father Mimosa.

His exact words were, "Wine, meet bubbles. Bubbles, wine."

I think he was also the one who coined the phrase, "Oh, put a cork in it!"

Up until then, he was known as the guy with the empty bottle collection.

Of course, he introduced the expensive kind.

The Revenue Cutter Service was formed... which eventually became the U.S. Coast Guard. To their credit, not a single inch of our coast has ever been stolen.

On this date in 1830, plans for the city of Chicago were laid out. No kidding. It was planned that way.

Jesse Reno was born on this date, back in 1861. Jesse was the inventor of the escalator. He inspired the phrase, "No bare feet, please."

It was on this date in 1892 that Andrew and Abby Borden were axed to death in their home in Fall River, MA. Their Sunday school teacher Lizzie, was accused and tried... but acquitted. That's one way to become famous in a poem. She inspired the famous speech, "Ax not what your country can do for you..."

On this date in 1926, the U.S. purchased the Virgin Islands, passing up other deals on the Ho Islands and the Floozy Reef. The actual document described them as "seven beautiful islands and three ugly ones."

In 1958, the Dumont Television Network dissolved. Unfortunately, they had a string of highly unsuccessful shows: "Father Know's a Little," "Glue Gunsmoke," "Gilligan's Peninsula," "Star Truck"...

On this date in 1986, the USFL officially folded. It was "the other football league" for those who just couldn't let go in the off-season. Obviously, more could let go than not.

In 1988, U.S. Rep. Mario Biaggi (D-NY) was convicted of charges that included conspiracy, extortion, tax evasion and acceptance of bribes. Or, as they call it in congress, "a slow week."

His nickname was Rocket Man, apparently because he pitched like an Elton John song.

His nickname was "the Rocket" and for the record, it has to do with the speed he throws the baseball.

Former President Barack Obama turns 56 today. I'm pretty sure he's getting a lot of use out of the phrase, "Not my problem!"

Mary Decker-Slaney turns 59 today. She used to be a pretty fast woman, if you know what I mean. Yeah, she ran. That's what I meant. She set the mile record of 4:16.71.

Billy Bob Thornton turns 62 today. Say what you want about him and I'd probably agree. While he has lots of acting credits, his biggest achievement -- I would think -- would be being married to Angelina Jolie for a while. As hard as it is for us to imagine, think about how she feels.

Coast Guard Day -- to commemorate the founding of the United States Coast Guard as the Revenue Marine on August 4, 1790, by then-Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton.