It’s Almost Like The Lockout Never Happened

You may not be able to tell, but that image above is Photoshopped. Obviously Sidney Rice wasn’t wearing his Minnesota Vikings uniform when the Seattle Seahawks delivered his gigantic bag of cash yesterday, but we like to imagine that it was pretty similar. Rice, who missed most of last season after he delayed hip surgery stemming from an injury he sustained during the 2009-10 playoffs until a month before the season began, signed a 5-year deal with Seattle worth $44 million. $18.5 million of that money is guaranteed for the 24-year old receiver with one 1,000-yard season.

Welcome back, NFL. My how we’ve missed your economics.

Rice is just the tip of the Space Needle, obviously, so let’s have ourselves a quick little rundown of the top free agent and NFL trade activity. Shall we?

Santonio Holmes: The New York Jets wasted no time with their No. 1 priority, signing Holmes to a 5-year deal for nearly $50 million. The outstanding pothead receiver will receive $24 million in guaranteed Rex bucks.

Santana Moss: The Washington Redskins were reportedly inclined to pay Holmes whatever he wanted, but that clearly didn’t matter – and who can blame him? So the Skins decided to keep Moss around for 3 more years at the much cheaper price of $15 million. He’ll look good with Andrew Luck next season.

Tavaris Jackson: Familiarity will be a theme in Seattle, or maybe Single White Female, as Jackson will join his Vikings teammate Rice on the Puget Sound. Too bad they didn’t have much of an on-field relationship with the Vikings, so that whole angle is sort of quashed. Eventually someone might be able to explain what the hell that Charlie Whitehurst trade was all about.

Matt Hasselbeck: Leaving Seattle is the franchise’s longtime quarterback, as Hasselbeck signed a 3-year deal with the Tennessee Titans. If you had asked me how many years Hasselbeck had left in him, 3 would have been my 4th guess after 0, 0, and seriously 0.

Donovan McNabb: As soon as the Minnesota Vikings send the golden chariot and call down the angels from each religion’s version of heaven to announce the coming of McNabb, they’ll have their new QB and mentor to Christian Ponder. But until every fan in Minny agrees to change their child’s name to Donovan, this trade will not be completed.

Kevin Kolb: Rumor has it that a deal between the Philadelphia Eagles and Arizona Cardinals is almost complete. The price is expected to be Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and a 2nd round pick. For Kolb. Who has not done anything to deserve this ridiculous second year of praise and status elevation. Oh, and Arizona might give him $30 million guaranteed upon completion of the trade. This sounds promising.

Reggie Bush: The Miami Dolphins, who backed out of heavy pursuits of DeAngelo Williams and Ahmad Bradshaw once they checked the price tags, have agreed to an unspecified deal with the New Orleans Saints for Reggie Bush (contingent upon his willingness to sign a new deal with Miami). As a Dolphins fan, I am currently pricing cryogenic freezing for as long as that contract lasts.

Kyle Orton: Up until the announcement of the possible Bush deal, the rumor was that the Denver Broncos and Dolphins were locked in heavy discussions for Orton. Basically, it looked like a done deal. It probably still is, as Miami just wants to give away draft picks for temporary solutions.

DeAngelo Williams: Most people expected Williams to end up with his former Carolina Panthers coach, John Fox, in Denver with his new team. Most people were wrong. Williams is staying in Carolina for a whole bunch of money, to which Jonathan Stewart replied, “Great. Hooray. Welcome back.”

Steve Breaston: Reuniting with his former coach, Breaston signed a 5-year deal with $9.5 million in guaranteed coin. This deal bores me, other than the joy of repeatedly saying breast.