Seriously what the hell is going on here? Giving pardons…? OK. but to a guy who was charged with “Mutilation of Coins” 25 years ago?

“Mutilation of Coin(s),” I guess to be a felon you’ve got to “mutilate” several coins, one coin just isn’t enough.

Personally, I think the guy should be dismantled with a chainsaw.

Yeah I mean that guy is pretty much a terrorist.

I thought that Obama, being the first black President, would have some special reasons for his pardons or say something more profound. The best he could come up with is a shitty list of 9 “felons“? 6 of whom weren’t even jailed? Sounds like an epic fail to me.

So I was at the gym today with my cousin to get FUCKING JACKED. He asks me, “So out of the row of girls in front of us, rate them 1 to 7.”

I was shocked at the idea but immediately began assembling an order in my mind.

The back of the girl’s head in front of me was screaming “JEW JEW JEW JEW JEW.”

She had a nice body so I put her as number 2. There was a girl in front of her that was number 1- Only problem is she was VERY WEAK AND TINY. The rest were very sad and will not be mentioned.

After 15-20 minutes on the elliptical, the #2 girl got off the machine. That’s when I found out that the weak and tiny one was the #2 girl’s MOM and they were both Indian. Huge fail on my part. I think I’m losing it. It=my mind.

So I was on my way to the gym TO GET FUCKIN’ JACKED, when I drove by these two bikers.

Ok, fine I admit it, the MoonRaped part was just something I made up. But I really wanted them to get raped by the Moon and the Sun– simultaneously…after all, that shit only happens once every 60 years!

But seriously, you bikers out there. I will find you.

I will strip you of all that makes you human; Your organs.

After I disembowel you rotten fucking bikers, I will then proceed to insert a pine cone into your anus.

I’ll then light the pine cone on fire, walk back into my car, and drive away.

As I drove by this fucking inconsiderate TRASH, I raised my arm up and gestured with my hand, “WHAT THE FUCK MAN? AT LEAST MOVE OVER.”

2 BIKERS TAKING UP A WHOLE LANE on a TWO LANE ROAD. Everyone was forced to maneuver around these assholes.

THE GUY LOOKED BACK AT ME, and SPAT AT ME! AND IT HIT MY CAR!

FUCK HIM!

I hope a porcupinecrawls into his mouth while he is sleeping and takes a dump.

And I know what you’re thinking, porcupines aren’t alwaysreliable.

That’s why if the porcupine pussies out, I’ll take it upon myself to shit inside his face.

If I ever see you..you fucking bikers again,

I’ll make sure to throw your fucking children off the Empire motherfucking State Building you spandex-wearing, cum guzzling, don’t give a fuck about anyone else on the road,piece of hamster feces.

Aww…hamster feces…

What a fucking innocent image, after hearing all that swearing…isn’t it?

Oh but If I’d have said donkey shit, or camel feces, or horse urine, it would have been more vulgar right?

Why is that? Why do we discriminate between the levels of vulgarity between a hamster’s shit and a horse’s urine?

People’s attention spans cannot handle reading more than 140 characters. I mean, I knew how it was on Youtube where people could only maintain their brain for 2 minutes or less, but this is a whole other level.

If you can only handle < 2 minute/140 characters , you need to stop hitting the bong so hard.

Seriously, I am worried about you guys. You’ve all become delirious..zebras.

Been suffering from my first case of blogger’s block- Not to be confused with the terminal degenerative disease “blogger’s cock”.

I gotta stop taking those vitamins man, they’re fucking with my head.

So yeah! I made a Twitter account, and a Facebook fan page, SO ADD ME BICHiZ! Twitter ID is MiserableRanter and just search Facebook for TheMiserableRanter

So, what to discuss. Which direction to go…meaningful prose, or empty vulgarities…?

Has this blog quenched your thirst for a quick fix? A quick jolt of cunts and cocks wrapped in intestinal linings always does the trick! Ouch, intestinal linings, now there’s a freaky image. The first thing that comes into my mind is hot-dog or sausage casings. What about you?

I saw an old episode of Family Guy the other day where Stewie beats Brian (the dog)… at a bet to be the most popular guy in Chris‘s high school.
Brian makes a comment where he says something along the lines of, “Young people- using music made by other people to express their individuality. ”

Woaw, deep you say?

Doesn’t everyone seems to use their “taste” in music to “individualize” themselves? Either that, or they purposely use the taste in music to create a certain impression of him or herself to others.

I say, fuckthose people. Fuck them right in their stupid asses. Why the random bold/italics? Good question.

But seriously, if listening to certain music does anything on a social/behavioral level, it takes away your individuality. You think your the only one that listens to Lady Gaga, Canon in D, and Japanese pop songs in the same playlist? Do you really think that makes you sophisticated? Fuck you.

This brings me to the following point: If you want to advertise your individuality to the world, make something…create something.

Even if it ends up being a lobotomized premature zebra fetus of a blog that no one will read, its still a worthwhile attempt to display your true colors to the world.

Just kidding, its not a worthwhile attempt. 99.99% failure. Don’t even try.

I’m a real asshole aren’t I.

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P.S. Playing with fonts is fun.

EDIT: And I am well aware that the title and picture of this particular blog post has no connection with the topic. Thanks bitch.