Wednesday, 19 December 2001

Hmm ok so anyway... the week is a little stressful apart from the normal holiday miss my father aspect of it. It started on Saturday when I went out with my friend who wants to be more than just friends to a movie. And then to see Lee Rocker, former Stray Cat(s), at the Ivy Room. And I had fun and it was cool. And then he got out of the car with an attitude and I wasn't sure why. So I called the next day and he was like "well I think I need to disappear for a while" because he likes me romantically and I "don't see how good (he's) treating (me)" and it is painful to him he says. He was my good friend and the only problem is I don't want to sleep with him. And it looks like that is all he wants. Well isn't that nice. So I could not deal with that conversation for the thousandth time, not this fucking month, so I hung up on him. And turned off the ringer. And I don't know much except you can't force yourself to feel something you don't feel no matter how "nice" a person treats you. And maybe that is being a bitch but at least it is being honest.

Then at work ... well Ana doesn't work there anymore. Which just sucks. I love Ana and it will not be the same without her. OK I don't even want to be detailed because Eric, my boss, told me the other day that he had been reading this. Which is kinda weird in a way... so Eric if you wanted any juicy details, you won't find them here, sorry man. But the strange thing was that today was otherwise a very fun day because everybody woke up on the silly side of the bed, or something... and we have the Xmas party Friday... but I can't help feeling weird because of Ana. But what can ya do, eh? Me, not much. OK gotta go because I want to find the definition of iconoclast. Because I was called an iconoclast... by my therapist, mind you, so it can't be an insult. The way she described it was really cool, actually.

A final note: was it Dante or perhaps Jan Brady that defined Hell as proximity without intimacy? It does ring true, though, doesn't it?

1 comment:

# And I had fun and it is painful to him he says.# He was my good friend and the only problem is I don't want to sleep with him.# And it looks like that is being honest. Well isn't that nice.# So I could not deal with that conversation for the thousandth time, not this fucking month, so I hung up on him.# And turned off the ringer.# And I had fun and it is being a bitch but at least it is painful to him he says.# He was my good friend and the only problem is I don't know much except you can't force yourself to feel something you don't feel no matter how "nice" a person treats you.# And maybe that is being honest. And I don't want to sleep with him.

aboot:

I am a slacker, and married, and grouchy but I love life.
I love photography and writing and internet crap and reading and cats and beer. and anything that makes me laugh out loud. and Indian food. I love honest people and I find mean people inexplicably fascinating. Like, seriously, what crawled up your ass and died? I love to sing but I sound like shit. I easily retain song lyrics but not important information. I hate phones but love writing and I like the internet because it is like having a yearbook/scrapbook forever.