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7 ways for RockF!cks to get their !ffing act together

Thing I hate about those bl!!ding Rockfax guides is they miss all the important stuff off. First, they should have directions to great bushes where you can get down and hide a really serious cr!p without going too far from the bloody route. The other week I was walking for ages trying to find somewhere. And basically what you want is to waddle off no further than it takes so you don’t smell it while you are climbing. But it doesn’t stop there, does it. In Team Crank we thought up this great name for them: Rock-F!cks! Not bad, eh?! Some other great suggestions: put little blobs on the route maps to show you where you put the eff!ing gear. That would save time so you could get more people through the route. Other suggestions: make a list of the best 7a wam-ups to look great on.

Rockfax could grey out the easy stuff and slap on a sign like this

Any more comments for them while we are at it? If those guys are reading, the Crankmeister is well up for having a parley about this and doing a joint thingy. ‘Crankmeister’s Rock-F!cks guide to seriously hard-sh!t climbing’. What about that? A rock guide with all the weedy-!ssed stuff under 7a cut out, maybe with those routes just greyed out on the topo, with a girl sign on them or something.

That isn’t 7 ways for them to get their act together, but believe me I’ve got far more than 7 up my sleeve.