‘Wanna go on a date? You can blog about me’

The first time Nate asked me out, I declined politely. The second time he asked me out, he said, “I give you full permission to blog about it. Maybe I could learn a thing or two about what I’m doing wrong.”

My ears perked up a bit, but with it being the second time he asked me, I felt bad accepting under such an offer. And, a small part of me wondered if he just wanted to be a topic of a blog post. I declined, thanking him.

I didn’t see his response right away, as I headed to Saratoga to film the latest Saratoga Seen video. When I got home around 5, refreshed from a quick dip in the Victoria Pool, I saw his email:

“OK. Well I know and accept at this point you’re not interested in me but what about going strictly for research purposes? The short amount of time I’ve known you, I really value your opinion.”

Flattery will get you everywhere.

I accepted, even thinking that email totally changed my perception of his first lure into the date. However, said aloud, that email can be said many different ways and with many different facial expressions. So, I went into the ‘date’ trustingly, open and guarded. It was an exhausting state of mind.

I met Nate at the restaurant right on time and saw he already had a table, bread and bottle of wine. We greeted with a hug. He planted a wet one on my cheek. A really, really wet one. Like, there was less wetness at the Victoria Pool earlier. I made a mental note.

Seated, he asked me if I wanted a glass of Cabernet. I’m a white wine girl, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I nodded. I didn’t understand why he’d order a bottle of wine before asking his date what they (me) preferred. Again, another mental note.

He thanked me for joining him and said, “I can’t wait to read about this tomorrow.”

I cringed inside, laughed on the outside and said nothing while I sipped the wine I didn’t like.

We chatted about family, friends, work, his bad (his words) dating history, his last relationship, his love for 80’s music and what he envisions as the perfect date…with the perfect woman.

His table manners were impeccable. There’s something about the way a man drapes a napkin over his lap. He kicked me under the table when he crossed his legs and apologized profusely as I laughed about it.

“Women don’t laugh anymore. They need to laugh more, I think.”

I stopped laughing.

“What?”

“Everyone’s so serious nowadays. If you do one little thing wrong on a date, you can forget about a second one.”

I wondered what he felt he had done ‘wrong’ on first dates…aside from sloppy kisses and ordering wine before consulting with his date. When I inquired, he responded that he thought he came on too strong, talked too much about past relationships (even though his date did the same), and as he threw his hands in the air, he said…”Maybe I just pick the wrong women.”

I hate that excuse, so I dismissed it to him right away saying there’s no way to pick the ‘wrong’ person if you’re asking them for a first date. You’re asking someone you’re interested in for one reason or another…so how can that be wrong?

I offered up the wine suggestion and complimented his personality, sense of humor and table manners during dinner. I also noted he has great taste in clothing and shoes. I told him I didn’t think talking about past relationships was useful in any way on a first date (even though I’ve been guilty of it in the past), so he should leave that out completely, even if his date brings it up. I left my wet cheek out of it, thinking it may have been a one-time thing, but asked if he moves in for a “real” kiss at the end of any first dates. He does not, but would if a second date was discussed. I think that’s reasonable.

As he vehemently denied my offer to split the check, he walked me to my car, we hugged and he planted another kiss on my cheek. Not sloppy. Yay!

While there wasn’t that spark between us, I definitely started thinking about friends I could set Nate up with.

35 Responses

I actually think it is very cool of a guy to ask his female friends for their perspective. To me it shows confidence – you have to be confident in yourself to be okay with taking criticism.

I cringe a little at the idea that, even after “accepting” that you weren’t interested, he still treated it like a date. But only a short, small cringe, because really – he wanted to take you out on a date. And you can’t really fault a guy for acting like he feels. Wish more did.

I like the fact that he recognized something was amiss and took steps to try to figure out what that was. So many people get super defensive when you approach them with constructive criticism that it is nice to see someone owning up to their “stuff”. Unusual, but it makes me like you more as a person Amanda, to know that you would do that for someone asking for help. That was really cool. Hopefully he will have a few dates lined up in no time!

I find this odd. I think it was sweet of you to meet up with him, but the whole “research” thing – odd! If he just has interest in becoming friends because you are not interested in dating – ok, fine. But to weasle in a “date” and tag it “research” – really?! Contact Dear Abby or write in to your blog for advice. Why the need for a face to face?!

Now – so not to totally come across as a %itch. He sounds like a really nice guy – minus the wet/sloppy kisses. It’s not often that the guy not only arrives a bit early, but gets a table and ensures there is already wine & food ready for your arrival. Bonus points for that! Sounds like he just hasn’t found his match yet.

Tony, usually I’m right there with you on this, yeah research I’m sure. What’s next? “I’m studying to be a chiropractor so do you mind if use you as research for my massage techniques?” (note to self: use this). However; he seemed like he didn’t cross the line so maybe it really was just that.

He stated women need to laugh more. I would suggest that it’s up to him to make them feel comfortable and at ease on the date. When someones relaxed they’ll be much more apt to laugh and have fun and thus more prone to a second date.

Maybe this can be a new feature…take Amanda on a date, and she will post her feedback and get feedback from her readers? Maybe you’ll meet someone for yourself while you’re offering the service ;). If not, there are plenty of single readers(hello! :)) who you could set up with your dates. Just a thought ;).

Maybe I missed another post but how did you meet him in the first place? Also – I agree with #6 Lisa. From one white wine girl to another, I bet you can chalk that up to him trying to impress you/be nice. I will totally stereotype here and say that most non-wine drinkers, especially guys (at least the ones I know) don’t realize there’s a huge difference between red and white. Plus, in movies, red is all the rage.

thats cool that you gave him a chance anyways.. its nice to meet new people, even if they arent dating material… but i think he really just wanted to be blogged about. lol.. and a dateblog about marlon is simple, 1st we went to mcdonalds, then we went back to his moms house to play cards and have koolaid… oops im so wrong at times

I don’t think you had to go on a date with him to tell him to stop coming across as desperate. He asks you once and you said no. He asks you a second time and you said no and then he feels he needs to follow that up with an email with a new twist!?!?! Please….

I’m gonna disagree with most and say his “main” motivation was not to be blogged about but rather that he was into you. He likes you Amanda! Can’t blame a brother right? Some guys are more persistent than others. I’m cut from the “ask once” cloth but to each his own. There has to be an initial mutual attraction. If I ask, I’m attracted to her. If she’s available and says no, I would assume she doesn’t reciprocate that attraction. I do think that typical first dates aren’t the set up for critiquing. Then again, what date” really is … but he kind of pedaled forward with that agenda.

I think this is great. I’m always tempted to ask guys I’ve dated what went wrong. It’s like an exit interview for dating. When you just don’t hear back from someone, you’re left questioning, “maybe I shouldn’t have said X or done Y,” but this way you would just know. No ‘what ifs,’ and some insight that would be helpful for the future. Win win.

“If you do one little thing wrong on a date, you can forget about a second one”

“He planted a wet one on my cheek. A really, really wet one. Like, there was less wetness at the Victoria Pool earlier. I made a mental note.”

Guess he wasn’t lying…..

I think the wine thing is a little ridiculous. I think it was a nice gesture. One of the biggest complaints from men is that women get mad at them for not being able to be mind-readers; drinking a wine that you didn’t like and then complaining about it is just wrong.

Just overall, it seems like this was just an opportunity to keep a running tally of mistakes that he made- poor guy.

Haha. I’d definitely notice if a date ordered me wine without asking me what I liked. And, I sure wasn’t going to tell him at the table that I didn’t like it, or order a glass of something else. And I would definitely notice saliva dripping down my cheek, as well.

This sounds like a plot from a cheesy romance novel or two. Man persues the woman several times. The woman is not too keen on the bad wine order and the sloppy juicy cheek kisses. Of course, Nora Roberts would write that somehow the woman was overcome with desire eventually and surrendered herself to the passion.

Hahaha yes. “She couldn’t help but think of the leftover mouth juice on her cheek as a pool of love in which she would dive into and resurface with a clear picture of the man who stood before her. Her one true love. At last, who had come to give her mouth to mouth, saving her from a pool of single misery.”