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- The WWF had SummerSlam this past Sunday, 08/22/99. Since the show
was better than WCW's Road Wild the week before, and that show was a
definite thumbs down, I think there's going to be a tendency among
fans who compare show quality to give SummerSlam a thumbs up. If I
taped your eyelids open, subjected you to hours upon hours of Paul
Wight matches, and then showed you a Kane match, you would mistakenly
think, like so many of my readers apparently do, that Kane was this
"Jushin Liger" you'd heard so much about. Anyhow, this was definitely
a thumbs in the middle kind of PPV, IMO, really bordering the down
side when you think about it. It had one horribly bad and funny match,
a lot of effort throughout, but nothing stellar. Like the majority of
guys in WCW, it seems like the WWF roster is geared towards creating
memorable spots and not memorable matches. I can't get into spot
wrestling, because almost anybody crazy enough to take the risk can do
it.
Before the PPV, they had a live Heat show. Because the Blue Jays
baseball game went long, CTV SportsNet, which carries Heat in Canada,
joined the show fifteen minutes in. Boy, did we miss a lot. Heat was a
one-hour commercial for the PPV, true sports entertainment, 'cause I
saw no sign of wrestling. When Smackdown debuts, Heat will apparently
become an entertainment news magazine, which means that we won't be so
far behind in the fall: we gain two hours of WWF TV that I guess we
have to watch, but we lose one. Maybe SportsNet will drop Heat when
the ratings drop and pick up Calgary Stampede's TV show, which starts
shortly. At the end of Heat, Chyna came out with Hunter Hearst
Helmsley. I guess she forgave him for that "she's just a girl" remark
and for knocking her out of the number one contender situation. If
they did a reconciliation interview, you'd think it would have been
important enough to air it again at some time before the PPV main
event, but I didn't see it. It left me thinking that Chyna was stupid.
Oh well, here's the rundown:
* Jeff Jarrett beat D'Lo Brown to win the Intercontinental &
European Titles: The match was built around a scheming story line.
Jarrett send Debra to the back before D'Lo came out, so D'Lo
hooked up with Debra and came out with her. Between shots of
Debra's breasts early on, we saw a match. D'Lo is great, but I was
annoyed to see near falls one-minute in with the wrestlers acting
like it was the 18-minute mark of a 20-minute match. Anyhow, JJ
caught D'Lo, knocked him out of the ring with a dropkick, hit a
baseball slide, and then tossed D'Lo into the steps. The referee
followed the wrestlers outside instead of counting them out. Jim
Ross called these guys "kids," which I guess makes me a kid too.
Jarrett did a weird-looking armbreaker off the ropes. At the
five-minute mark, the fans wondered what this wrestling stuff was,
so they started chanting for puppies. D'Lo: tilt-a-whirl, heel
kick, leg drop, two count. Belly-to-back, frog splash. Nope, the
frog splash turned into a somersaulting "moonsault-like maneuver"
in JR's technical parlance, hitting the mat. Mark Henry ran in to
save D'Lo from a guitar shot. Oh, wait, he whacked D'Lo with the
guitar. Jarrett got the pin and both titles. Debra left with JJ,
as well. Match ran 7:34. It was a good opener.
* Edge & Christian beat Hardy Boyz: We entered a sequence of tag
matches to determine the number one contenders for the titles,
with a tag title match on RAW the next night. They told us that a
draw had been done and that these two teams were first. It was
disappointing at first that this match ran only 5:03, but, in
hindsight, it seemed like these guys were really spotty, so a
longer match would have seemed pretty disjointed, I think. They
drew one minute of heat on Christian before he hot tagged Edge.
Christian did a tope on Gangrel, who accompanied his "New Brood"
to the ring. Matt Hardy followed that with a tope of his own on
everybody. Christian won the match with a top rope elbow. Really
spotty, but good for what it was.
* Edge & Christian beat Mideon & Viscera: Suddenly, it became a RAW
show, with this match running 2:10. Viscera splashed Mideon by
mistake, with Mideon being pinned shortly thereafter.
* Edge & Christian beat Droz & Prince Albert: A whopping 1:51. Droz
was knocked out of the ring, and Christian hit a plancha on him.
Christian tripped Albert who was trying a power move on Edge, with
Edge getting the cover and the pin.
* The Acolytes beat Edge & Christian: This went 4:54, with a
headlock spot in the middle so everybody could rest. Believe it or
not, the crowd actually reacted okay to that headlock spot,
chanting for Edge instead of that mysterious wrestler called
Boring. Christian was crotched on the top rope, but still hit a
Tornado DDT on Bradshaw. He didn't sell the crotch shot at all
after the initial grimace, but that sort of stuff is par for the
course for the WWF. No wonder people don't understand me when I
say the Rock can't sell. The Hollies ran out, apparently thinking
it was over, but the Acolytes still had to clothesline Christian
for the pin.
* The Acolytes beat Bob Holly & Crash Holly: The Hollies argued with
each other. That gimmick is dying a silent death. All four guys
were in for the first minute. Crash tagged in off Bob's shoulder.
Bob did the same sort of blind tag. The Hollies fought. Crash was
dumped. Bob met with a spinebuster. The match was over in 3:00.
This meant that the Acolytes would get a tag title shot on RAW the
next night. This set of matches definitely had more low points
than hight points. Christian seems like he could be a great
worker, but we'll never know in this setting. The first match in
the set seemed indyish, if you get my drift.
* Road Dogg & Chris Jericho traded verbal barbs. I guess that means
Dogg is Jericho's first program.
* Al Snow beat Big Boss Man to win the hardcore title: Road Dogg
called the match while walking around with the two wrestlers. Snow
put Pepper into a "pet taxi" cage. When they brawled to the back
immediately, the camera shot showed that the cage was empty, but
everybody from the wrestlers in the match to Dogg to the
commentators acted like Pepper was in the cage. It was
embarrassing. Boss Man even yelled at Snow before hitting him with
the cage and tossing hit across the room. The commentators & Dogg
all acted like Pepper might have been seriously hurt. It was
pathetic. Speaking of which, they walked across the street. They
destroyed some patio furniture at a bar and went into the bar.
Boss Man hit Snow with the yellow pages. The people in the bar
chanted for "Head." Shouldn't they be chanting for "Pepper?" They
used a broomstick and wandered into the washroom. They used a
urinal cake. Snow moonsaulted Boss Man through a table. Road Dogg
nailed Boss Man, who fell onto a pool table and Snow got the pin
at 7:30. Across the road, Snow attacked Stevie Richards & Blue
Meanie because they apparently had Pepper; well, that's what the
commentators led us to believe. This was just a horrible match,
like pretty much every hardcore match without Mick Foley seems to
be (including hardcore matches in WCW). That makes the hardcore
stuff seem like a great idea: we really needed more ways for the
promotions to deliver to us really bad matches.
* Ivory beat Tori to retain the women's title: This match came on
after the latest wwf.com commercial, in which a businessman sends
a blind man out into traffic so that he can be run over. WWF, get
it! Anyhow, Jim Ross said, "This will probably not be your classic
scientific match up." Ah, Ross, ever the understater. Jerry Lawler
reported that Pepper wasn't in the cage. Hmmm, so where was he?
There was absolutely no crowd reaction for this match, which the
commentators credited to the "unique" hardcore match that preceded
it. The match was called very loudly; we could hear all kinds of
conversation. Tori delivered some really lame kicks and a dropkick
to the midsection. They went to the corner and called some more
spots. They did the requisite hair drags. Ivory signalled for the
giant swing and did barely two revolutions. Tori hit a lame spear,
which JR called "Edgelike." Lawler questioned that description.
They blew so many moves in this match, it was actually really
entertaining to watch, in that morbid rubbernecking kind of way.
Even the finish was blown. Tori hit a sunset flip off the ropes,
and, the first time, Ivory lost her balance and went down for a
two count. They got to their feets and redid the spot, with Ivory
this time sitting down hard before Tori could even get to the mat.
This match was just horrible. It crossed the line of being so
horrible that it was funny to watch, like the King of the Ring
Kane vs. Big Slow match. Afterwards, Ivory tried to rip Tori's
clothes off, but Luna ran in for the save. They had to hire Luna
back because they need somebody who can work, I guess. The crowd
popped for the strip spot, but nothing else. Match ran 4:11. They
showed no replays from the match.
* Ken Shamrock beat Steve Blackman in a Lion's Den weapons match:
Blackman had nunchakus tucked into the back of his tights, pulling
them out for sneaky offense early on. Shamrock hit a dragon screw
leg whip. Shamrock's cool. Shamrock tossed the nunchakus out of
the ring. Thank goodness, 'cause JR kept calling them "numchucks."
Various sticks were pulled into the cage. This was boring. The
crowd chanted "Blackman sucks!", which seemed pretty accurate.
Shamrock used the cage, springing off of it for the one aerial
move in the match. Finally, they traded some moves. But one minute
of that wrestling stuff was enough. Blackman hit an enzuigiri,
kind of. Blackman got his stick and whacked Shamrock. Then he
walked around forever before hitting Shamrock again. The crowd
told him he sucked. The commentators questioned why he didn't
leave the cage; they had said that the first person out was the
winner. Oooops, broken telephone: the winner had to knock out the
loser. Shamrock hit a belly-to-belly and some more shots to KO
Blackman and win the match at 8:55, having never left the cage but
still being announced as the winner. At this point, the last three
matches had been pretty bad and the commentators had looked
uncharacteristically foolish. Yet I somehow decided the show
deserved a thumbs in the middle? I think I'm easier on the WWF.
* Test beat Shane in the 90210 match: Test was attacked earlier on
on Heat, so he came out with his ribs bandaged. Good thing they
put those bandages on over his ring outfit. Heaven forbid, they
actually wrap his ribs and he puts his outfit over top to protect
the protection. JR called Shane "an amazing young athlete" even
though we've never seen him do anything athletic. This was a
street fight. The injured Posse members came out, looking like the
three monkeys in a "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"
knickknack. One had a neck brace, one had a leg cast, and one had
an arm cast. Since Shane was in this match, and, to a lesser
degree, Test was in the match, you knew it wasn't going to have
any wrestling in it. So, maybe that made it easier to laugh at the
story line elements, 'cause that was all this match was going to
deliver, right? The Posse sat on a couch at ringside, in a special
section. The match consisted of garbagy brawling. Shane was press
slammed onto the Posse. The Posse attacked Test. Test was whacked
with objects. Shane smacked a picture of the Posse over Test's
head, with the glass side pointing up, so glass blew back into his
face. He tried a "corkscrew moonsault" on Test, but missed. I
guess trying that spot makes him "an amazing young athlete." Hey,
pretty much anybody reading this could practice that move into a
swimming pool a dozen times and deliver an equivalent performance,
you amazing young athletes, you! Powerbomb for a two on Shane.
There was a horribly-timed missed kick to the referee. It was so
bad that Lawler saying Test kicked the referee intentionally
seemed to be the only legitimate explanation. Test used weapons on
Shane. The Posse attacked Test, putting him on the Spanish
commentary table. Shane did an elbow off the top, getting
incredible height for the bump. They replayed it numerous times
from different angles, as it was clearly meant to be the spot of
the match, if all else failed. Maybe that made him "an amazing
young athlete," even though that spot required just about 0
seconds of training and 0 ounces of athleticism. They were tossed
back in the ring, with Shane getting a two count. Pete Gas nailed
Shane. Abs pulled Shane to safety. Rodney hit a cast shot on Test
for a two count. Jerry Brisco & Pat Patterson ran out to beat up
the Posse. Test disposed of Abs. Shane speared the post by
mistake. Test used a pump handle, power slam, and a top rope elbow
for the pin at 12:10. Stephanie, who had been watching the match
backstage, ran out to hug Test. JR said "There's some love here,
King." Let me hear an amen! You know, I get e-mail from people who
try to argue that Shane is a better wrestler than any actual
wrestler. Please don't send me those e-mails. Please.
* Big Slow & Undertaker beat Kane & X-Pac to win the Tag Titles:
Kane had new ring attire. Big Slow is just the worst on the
planet. Kane may have lost weight and gotten into great shape, but
he still can't connect with a clothesline. There was a short heat
segment on X-Pac before the tag to Kane. X-Pac attacked Undertaker
outside, and Undertaker sold for him for a few seconds. There's a
difference between the WWF and WCW. Sigh. Undertaker went for a
chokeslam on the floor on X-Pac, but Kane plucked X-Pac out of
Undertaker's lift. The pieces of this match with Kane vs. Big Slow
were really bad. Yeah, Slow shoulders more of the blame, but
still... X-Pac was so great he made Undertaker seem passable and
even made Slow tolerable. X-Pac was crotched into the post. Slow
head butted X-Pac's crotch, leaving so much air visible that JR
had to say that "he didn't get all of it." Man, he sucks. X-Pac:
low blow on Slow, go, go, go. Low blow on Undertaker. Tag to Kane.
Kane "hit" a series of bad clotheslines. X-Pac posted Undertaker.
Kane & Slow did their thing. X-Pac did the bronco buster on Slow.
Slow popped up immediately, embarrassed by the bronco buster said
JR. Come on, JR, if his total lack of self-discipline and quality
doesn't embarrass him, would a little bronco buster? Choke slam
for a two count only, because of the arrogant cover by Slow.
Undertaker tagged himself in, hit a tombstone, and got the three
count at 12:04. Afterwards, Undertaker looked upset at Slow for
his lazy cover.
* Rocky Maivia beat Billy Gunn in a "kiss my ass" match: Gunn came
out with a shrouded person, who turned out to be an overweight
woman. He was going to make Rock kiss this woman's ass if Rock
lost. This was a garbagy match that I thought showed that neither
guy was anywhere near the level that some people think they are
at. They walked. Hey, did you think this match wouldn't have some
garbage? Shame on you. Sell for a second, then get up the same as
always and walk around. They walked back to the ring. Gunn whipped
Rock into the steps. Gunn's punches looked so bad, particularly at
this point in the match. They walked to the commentary table. Rock
drank water and spit it on Gunn. Gunn hit Rock with the bell. The
referee followed them around instead of counting them out. I guess
"kiss my ass" matches have no count out. Gunn choked Rock. Rock's
selling at this point was just awesome, he wrote sarcastically. No
worse for wear, Rock rallied. Gunn hit a neckbreaker on Rock. The
crowd was into Rock, and, like Austin and Hogan before him, he
could do no wrong, even though he did little. Gunn draped Rock
over the apron and elbowed him. The "Rock" chant brought Rock
back, but Gunn hit a bulldog to take control again. Gunn did a
Stinger splash. Rock looked angry; that's his selling, I guess.
Rock hit his float over DDT. Punches from Rock. A sloppy
neckbreaker. Two count. Interesting that JR commented on
sloppiness all night except when it was Rock. Gunn hit his
famouser. He called the fat woman in. She lifted her dress to
reveal a hole in her pantyhose. Gunn tried to shove Rock's face
into her butt, but Rock turned it around. JR: "The Rock just put
Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass." Gunn acted like he
couldn't go on. Rock Bottom. Elbow. Pin at 12:04. Gunn didn't have
to kiss Rock's butt. I guess they decided that the stipulation was
too gay, so they came up with this.
* Mankind beat Steve Austin & Hunter Hearst Helmsley to win the WWF
Title: Jesse Ventura was the referee; before the match, he did a
defiant interview for his critics. Match started with a double
team attack on Hunter Hearst Helmlsey. Mankind wanted to shake
hands with Austin, but Austin kicked him. They started walking.
HHH chaired Austin, but Jesse missed it. That made it HHH vs.
Mankind for a little while. Since Austin & Mankind are both not
ready for full matches, as I feared, the booking of this match
eliminated one of those two in turn, with HHH having to be the
glue that held this thing together. It should be no surprise,
then, that I found it wanting. Chyna crotched Mankind on the post.
Jesse ejected her. HHH went down the aisle with Jesse and Chyna to
complain about her ejection. HHH saw Austin come running down the
aisle and blatantly positioned himself so he could be bowled over
when we all knew that he knew that Austin was coming. Sigh. HHH &
Mankind attacked Austin. Mankind went for a somersault off the
apron on HHH, but HHH moved. HHH chaired Mankind in the ring.
Jesse wouldn't count the fall, just like the referees in those old
AJW matches wouldn't count falls due to cheating. Wow, I've always
wanted to compare a WWF match to an AJW match without being
negative. Shane ran in to lecture Jesse on the art of being an
unbiased referee. Shane took a badly choreographed stunner from
Austin. Jesse dumped Shane out. In the ring, Austin & HHH were
both laid out, so Jesse counted them down even though Mankind was
crouching in the corner. Mankind sockoed both for a second. Jesse
counted everybody down again, even though Mankind was on his
knees. I guess he was ignoring Mankind on purpose since nobody
expected Mankind to win. I dunno. Stunner on HHH, but Mankind
saved. Pedigree on Austin, but Mankind saved. Mankind hit the DDT
for the pin at 16:22. HHH chaired Austin's leg to give Austin a
vacation. Chyna held off the referee. Jesse & Mankind were long
gone. It's no secret that they wanted Jesse to come out of this
match as a babyface. That would happen if he raised a babyface's
hand or if he decked a heel. That meant that if HHH won, he'd have
to take a bump right afterward for Jesse, which would spoil his
moment, I guess. It has also been widely reported that Austin
refused to lie down for HHH and that the bookers didn't want
Austin to lose the title without losing. In any case, any idiot
could figure that HHH would win the title the next night on RAW
because Mankind can't work any sort of schedule yet.
Tally time: 85:44 of bell-to-bell wrestling, or just about half of the
broadcast time.
RAW RAW on 08/16/99 was a taped show. The show opened, expectedly,
with Hunter Hearst Helmsley coming out to whine about the injustice
that came his way at the PPV the night before. It came down to HHH
putting an armlock on Jim Ross, threatening to break his arm unless
Mankind gave him a title shot. Mankind came out and agreed, provided
that HHH released the hold. HHH "broke" JR's arm anyhow, so Mankind
retracted his title shot promise. But Shane McMahon came out -- he
makes the matches in the WWF tonight because Shawn Michaels isn't
here; that's what he said -- bingo, HHH had a title shot again.
Strangely enough, when I responded to e-mail earlier in the day, I
told people that HHH would go over Mankind for the title on RAW. Sigh.
In an Owen Hart lawsuit response, Michael Cole came out to do
commentary, saying that business must go on. Wow, whether it's a fake
injury or a real death. What a professional operation. Anyhow, Road
Dogg came out to the ring, only to be attacked by Al Snow. They had a
hardcore title match. Hardcore stuff just sucks. Snow tried to do a
leg drop off a ladder onto a table, but amateur-hour kicked in and it
looked just horrible. Chris Jericho ran out to attack Road Dogg, who
punched him to the back. I guess that's Jericho's first program. Boss
Man ran out to attack Snow and ran off with Pepper in the "Pet Taxi."
He got in a car and drove off with the dog. Word has hit he was going
to meeting with the Islanders, to mate Pepper with Matilda. Hey, the
more things change, the more they stay the same. Snow chased the car
out of the arena, so the hamstring injury that he sold during the
flubbed ladder spot wasn't serious. Back from a commercial, everybody
was worried about Pepper. Match ran maybe 2:50.
Kane & X-Pac came out. X-Pac has enough charisma to carry this big red
stiff beside him. Obviously, I'm still not sold on Kane. Yeah, Kane &
X-Pac were out to do guest commentary. That seemed like it wouldn't
lead to anything, right? Undertaker & Big Slow faced Acolytes in a Tag
Title match. Oh man, this seemed like a wonderful foursome. A fan
behind the commnetary table had a sign that was outdated; he wanted
Ahmed Johnson to leave wrestling, I think, 'cause the sign said
"RESIGN AHMED JOHNSON." I know, I know. Kane sat there with headphones
on, even though he didn't say anything. You know a match is sad when
the best worker in the ring is Ron Simmons. Of course, X-Pac & Kane
started brawling with the guys in the match. X-Pac was choke slammed.
Kane was chaired. The others all walked out. Kane's work has improved
so much because he takes a stiff chair shot. I'm just looking for
reasons. Match had no decision, running 1:39. Test & Stephanie were
backstage, and Test had a surprise for her. Oh my goodness, what could
it be? I'm so glad that we still get to see into their relationship.
We might have concluded that the PPV match ended their arc. No such
luck.
In the commercial break, Val Venis informed us that we could get a
free WWF dog tag if we bought a WWF t-shirt at Zellers. Hold me back.
As a family, we can count on one hand the number of times we've been
into Zellers, and opportunity is not the issue, but this offer, this
offer may just be the final straw!
Blue Meanie & Stevie Richards appeared in Blair Witch Project spoof
called the Blonde Bytch Project. This will continue on Smackdown on
Thursday. Test came to the ring, with new ring announcer Lilian Garcia
introducing him. Test explained that he suffered the attacks of Shane
McMahon for one reason only. He said he wanted to pop a question and
called Stephanie out. "How can you not have a chill at this moment?"
asked Michael Cole. Shane McMahon ran out as Stephanie entered the
ring. Shane said that this relationship would only continue over his
dead body. Test started to attack him. Stephanie stopped her hunk of
manhood. Stephanie said she loves Andrew. He asked her to marry him.
She said she loves him but she needs some time. Shane & Test stared
down. The crowd chanted "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" Oh, wrong show. Can you
believe that this segment will draw a better rating than whatever is
opposite it on Nitro, probably getting double the rating? It goes to
show you that over characters are important, and the WCW braintrust
has done everything it can to make sure that the midcarders that fill
these timeslots on Nitro don't get over.
Chris Jericho did another great segment, talking backstage with Howard
Finkel, who is the WWF's version of Ralphus. Jeff Jarrett & Debra came
to the ring, accompanied by Mark Henry. Mark Henry! Yeah, get him into
the tag picture ASAP. Mark Henry & Kane vs. Undertaker & Big Slow!
Jeff Jarrett gave the European Title to Mark Henry. Jeff Jarrett
announced that he has hired a personal assistant, Miss Kitty, for
Debra. Yay, another blonde bimbo with fake breasts and bleached hair.
The women seemed to like each other. Hey, not that way. At least not
yet. Meat faced Mark Henry. Wow, a wrestling match. Okay, a sports
entertainment match. Ha, fooled you. D'Lo Brown attacked Meat
backstage, hitting him with garbage cans and the like. So, D'Lo Brown
came out to face Henry. D'Lo is enjoyable. The tech team switched
camera angles as necessary to make things a bit better than usual.
Jarrett ran in for the DQ at 0:59. The heels scurried away. Jerry
Lawler was twice as annoying during this segment because he could talk
about puppies and kitty. Aren't you surprised they didn't call her
Miss Pussy. Backstage, Chyna signed an open contract to face Jarrett
for the IC Title.
That was it for the first hour: 5:28 of wrestling. No wonder I get
e-mail from so many people each week asking me how I can have the
stomach to watch these shows every week in the hope of seeing some
good wrestling.
Rock came out. Oh, he didn't even get to do an interview. That's the
best part of his act, damn it. Ha, fooled ya. Of course, they let Rock
work the microphone. Gangrel faced Rock. Gangrel came out with the
Hardy Boyz, er, the New Breed, I mean New Brood. Rock's selling was
weak in this match. Watch and see and don't e-mail me about it. Rock
dumped Gangrel and hit a pescado. Yeah, keep dreaming; like Rock is
going to add a dimension to his act. The New Brood laid out Rock
outside. The Old Brood chased the New Brood backstage. God, I mean
Rock hit his trademark moves, with the crowd popping like crazy. Hey,
Hulk Hogan drew great reactions in the 1980s and we all (okay, most of
us) criticized his work. No, Rock isn't as bad as Hogan was. Rock
pinned Gangrel at 4:33. After the match, Rock said he was tired of
fighting Billy Gunn & Gangrel, that the people chant his name for a
reason, that he wanted a title shot, that he would take matters into
his own hands. Hey, isn't that a line for Meat to use?
Tori was interviewed. On Smackdown, Tori faces Ivory in an evening
gown match. Howard Finkel came out, imitating the Ultimate Warrior
because Jericho had told him he was a warrior. Howard believed in
Chris Jericho. He challenged Road Dogg to come out. They traded barbs
and shoves. The Y2J countdown came up. Good thing the guys in the
booth know to cue that stuff. Jericho came into the ring from behind,
ambushing Road Dogg. Jericho did a double power bomb on Dogg, spit on
him, and walked off with Howard. Backstage, Al Snow acted tormented
because he lost his Pepper. Billy Gunn was looking for Chyna because
he was upset that she tricked him so that she could get the shot at
Jarrett. Gunn bumped into HHH, who was in his civvies. I'm just noting
that HHH, who had a world title shot in a half-hour, sure didn't seem
to be too concerned about preparing for it.
Boby Holly faced Crash Holly in a battle of the superheavyweights.
They brawled through the crowd and ended up in a tech area. The
commentators told us that that was the sound area. How do those guys
know to cue the music for wrestlers who run-in, etc.? Well, they
walked, walked, and walked some more. They went outside. While the
camera crew made it's way outside, we cut to Kevin Kelly, who told us
that Steve Austin suffered severe knee damaged at the PPV. Mankind cut
a promo. We went to a commercial. Those camera men move slowly, I
guess. Match (?) ran 2:52.
Back from a commercial, we saw Al Snow crying. Undertaker & Big Slow
came out. What happened with the Hollies? UT & Slow were out to do
guest commentary. Uh, who could be wrestling? Sure enough. Kane &
X-Pac came out. The new ring announcer told us that this match was
scheduled for "one round...one fall." I'm glad they did such a careful
hiring job. Kane & X-Pac faced Viscera & Mideon. Undertaker told Big
Slow that "these guys don't have half your talent," in reference to
Viscera and Mideon. I think there's actually a Calculus question in
there somewhere. Early on in my Calculus course this fall, I'll be
talking about sequences of real numbers. For example, if a sequence of
positive numbers a_n, n=1,2,3,..., satisfies a_{n+1} 0 there exists an N such that a_N <
epsilon. That seems simple, and is, but it actually played a key role
for the Greeks, who used that result to deal with circles. You can
connect that result fairly easily to the areas of polygons inscribed
in circles, getting to the result that there is an inscribed polygon
with area as close to the area of the circle as desired. Archimedes
used these arguments to find upper and lower approximations to pi, a
number that fascinated the Greeks. Anyhow, that was a neat way for me
to avoid talking about this match. Viscera & Mideon won in 4:17. How's
that for a depressing result?
Hey, since the second hour of RAW isn't watched by children, they
aired a super soaker commercial. Chris Jericho told Howard that the
new WWF show would be called Thursday Night Finkdown. Billy Gunn came
out. He called out Chyna. Chyna came out to HHH's music. I'm still
wondering why they are back together. Chyna's voice is so scary. Billy
told her to give him her match against Jarrett. Jarrett ran in and
guitared Chyna. Billy Gunn took a second guitar from Miss Kitty and
whacked Jarrett. No IC Title match tonight. Since we had so many other
great matches this night, that seemed alright.
Mankind faced HHH for the WWF Title. HHH wears a gay chainmail vest
similar to what Perry Saturn used to wear. Rock was at ringside doing
guest commentary. Shane McMahon was the referee. Add the fact that
Mick Foley isn't ready to return to the ring, and you'll see where
this one went. Mankind sockoed McMahon. Mankind backdropped his way
out of the pedigree and hit the socko claw on HHH. Chyna ran out,
looking no worse for wear after having just been laid out with a
guitar. Earl Hebner ran in to count, with speed comparable to his
Montreal ring exit. Rock complained that they spilled soda on his shoe
when they brawled near the commentary table. That was Rock's best
moment of the night. Socko was tossed in the crowd, and Jerry Lawler
said that that move would not be a factor in the match. Okay. In-ring,
the match was okay, the only real match of the night on RAW in that
regard. They both tumbled out. Chyna distracted the ref. Why Chyna
would still support HHH must be one of the "get it" things that just
isn't isn't clicking with me. Shane recovered and chaired Mankind, who
no-sold it. HHH chaired him too. HHH chaired Rock. Shane decked Earl
Hebner. Pedigree. Cover, three count. And his first issue will be with
Rock, I would guess. Match ran 8:43 The crowd didn't buy HHH as
champion just a few seconds after his win. This is going to be a hard
sell.
Tally time: 25:53 of bell-to-bell wrestling.
Nitro Nitro on 08/23/99 was the usual live show, back in its usual
3:00pm EST Wednesday afternoon timeslot on TSN. The main event this
night was Sting vs. Hulk Hogan, with rumour having it that Hogan &
Eric Bischoff would turn heel. Word now is that the return of the
yellow & red ring outfit was meant to be swerve to avoid fans thinking
that Hogan was going to turn heel. Despite trying very hard to call
Hogan "Hulk Hogan" all last week on Nitro, the initial onscreen
graphic hyping the main event this night had him listed as "Hollywood"
again, so it seemed like we were in for the turn. A turn for the
worst, no doubt.
Show opened with Mikey Whippreck vs. Chase Tatum. Match was pretty
bad, although when Tatum came up short on a dropkick, hitting Mikey's
thigh, Mikey at least had the good sense to sell the thigh after he
bumped, instead of selling where the dropkick was supposed to hit.
Throwing and catching many missed moves in ECW can actually be a form
of training, I guess. Before the match could get bad, Sid Vicious
strolled out. Oh, that idea was so hot last week, that they decided to
use the same formula this week! Yay! I'm sure the ratings from last
week show a slow and steady build as fans wondered whether he'd run in
on every match, all the while listening to the commentators continue
to kill whatever remnant of credibility they had left by counting
run-in powerbombs as victories in the undefeated streak of a guy who
has been losing matches at house show left, right, and center. This...
this, my friends...this is WCW! Sid powerbombed both guys, with
Charles Robinson, in ref gear, coming out to hold up his "world
record" signs: "67-0" and then "68-0." I think those numbers should
actually be a scoreboard to show how many times we've seen him on TV
versus how many moves we've seen him do. At least it would be a little
more accurate. Sid rambled on. But, hey, it does seem like the fans
might be into seeing Sid vs. Goldberg, though, doesn't it? Backstage,
Kidman & Kimberly Page touched base, with everything being cool
between them. Call it 2:18.
Back from a commercial, the commentators told us that DDP had attacked
Kidman, or something like that. DDP & Bam Bam Bigelow & Kanyon came to
the ring. They did their interview shtick. This crowd was pretty hot,
so they got a much better response as usual. DDP talked down Kidman
and moved right on to Goldberg, challenging him to a match this night.
The crowd reacted alright in no small part because he mentioned
Goldberg.
Sting came out for an interview. Tony Schiavone reminded us that Sting
would face "Hulk Hogan" tonight. Hmmm, not "Hollywood." KISS would
debut the KISS Warrior tonight as well, said Tony. Wow, it really does
get better every week. Don't miss a minute. Skip a whole half-hour; it
really doesn't make a difference. Sting put Hogan over in his
interview, saying that he got the title shot out of the goodness of
Hogan's heart. As he was telling Hogan that he shouldn't be
overconfident, out came Lex Luger. Ah, a heel friend for Hogan. Two
turns are better than one. Luger finally explained what that press
conference was about. Yeah, right. He explained where Liz was. Yeah,
right. Nope, he was just there to support Sting, his friend (until he
turns), and to tell Sting not to trust "Hollywood Hogan." Oooh, I
couldn't see through that at all. At least it was reasonably well
done, even if it was hardly original.
Ah ha, here came Eric Bischoff driving a humvee. Well, they actually
plan to connect up some story lines finally. Now just don't go looking
for holes. Mike Tenay said that talk on the net was that Eric Bischoff
was going to be WCW prez again, but Eric played that down. Oh, BTW,
the plan for the humvee driver before Road Wild was to shock everybody
by having the Macho Man announce that it was Carmen Electra. She was
offered a sweet deal to appear on Nitro and do a run-in the PPV match
to lead to Rodman's loss, but turned down the offer. Apparently, the
braintrust was secure enough that she would agree that Savage did
those interviews announcing that he would reveal the identity on
Nitro. Anyhow, now it looks to be Bischoff. And for those keeping
track, Randy Savage has injured Charles Robinson, Juventud Guerrera,
and Evan Karagis with his elbow drop.
Ernest Miller challenged Buff Bagwell to a match. The two wrestlers
actually had a legit scuffle before their PPV match because Buff went
to Kevin Nash to complain about the planned finish for that match
(Buff losing), eventually getting it changed to Buff going over. Don't
feel sorry for Miller, though. The Observer reports that Miller's
onscreen persona is pretty much his real personality. Man, Miller
sucks. He doesn't any non-basic wrestling moves. He missed a few elbow
drops, with Buff finally rallying. They did a sloppy neckbreaker that
was still better than the one in the Rock vs. Billy Gunn PPV match.
Lex Luger came down to ringside. Oh, swerve time. Luger chased Onno
away from the ring. Buff hit the blockbuster for the pin at 3:38.
Diamond Dallas Page came out to face Goldberg. Kanyon was with DDP.
"You love me, you hate me, you wonder why I get so much mic time." DDP
call out Goldberg. Hey, Goldberg is actually the only part of
"Universal Soldier: The Return" that is getting good reviews. I saw
some reviews compare him to Jesse Ventura in "Predator." Bam Bam
Bigelow attacked Goldberg from behind. Goldberg ran to the ring and
beat the tar out of Kanyon & Bam Bam, with DDP running away. Goldberg
said he'd face DDP next week. Wow, they finally figured out the way
that fans would like to see Goldberg used. Hey, cut them some slack;
it is pretty complicated. It looked like Kanyon suffered an arm or
shoulder injury from his scary spear bump.
They aired a video for "Good Old Boys," the new song by the West Texas
Rednecks. They played up a line about liking their pick-up truck, and
long-legged country girls who know how to love. That may be cute, but
somebody should explain why they had to leave behind "Rap is Crap."
Juventud Guerrera faced Lenny Lane for the cruiserweight title. Match
was pretty good, although you've got to wonder what happened to Juvi
in 1999. He was a workrate god building to the year-end of 1998 and
now he doesn't get any TV time. And when he does they make sure to put
him in his place. Could it have anything to do with him getting over
last year? I dunno, just asking. This time around, just in case you
wondering whether the cruiserweight division was an important piece of
the WCW pie, that was cleared up for you: Sid came out, after avoiding
the heavyweight matches that preceded this, to powerbomb everybody and
up his count. Can you believe that they let this match run 8:17 with
that finish in mind? Oy! Sid then talked for-friggin-ever. At least
Kane never talks. Oh, but there's Undertaker. And why does WCW spell
"millennium" with one "n?"
Curt Hennig & The West Texas Rednecks performed "Good Old Boys." Curt
Hennig talked about Chad Brock and the other musical guests that that
WCW has had. When he mentioned KISS, there was a mild pop, as all 50
people that saw the KISS movie seemed to be in attendance. During the
song, I saw ghosts of Jimmy Hart.
Hugh Morrus & Brian Knobs & Barbarian faced Dean Malenko & Perry
Saturn & Shane Douglas. They actually found a couple of "Revolution"
signs in the crowd. Shane Douglas reminds me of the WWF's Rock. His
best moments have been on interviews, and in the ring he's uninspired.
Dean was worked over for a chunk of the match, hitting a couple of
comeback or surprise pin attempts, before hitting the tag to Saturn.
That led to everybody coming in, Jimm Hart distracting Saturn, but
Saturn rallying to lay out Knobs for the obvious pin. Rick Steiner
snuck in, though, hitting a top rope bulldog on Saturn, who was pinned
by Knobs at 4:47. Chris Benoit appeared a few seconds too late and
challenged Rick Steiner to a match, offering the US Title.
Insane Clown Posse faced Rey Misterio Jr. & Billy Kidman. ICP had
Vampiro with them. I hate matches that feature nonwrestlers. ICP did
their usual indy-looking stuff. Rey & Kidman are incredible. Schiavone
called Rey's rough rider a "bronco buster maneuver." Rey did a
somersault tope that didn't really connect. Kidman went up for the
shooting star press, but Vampiro interfered. Thank goodness that that
interference didn't pan out, with Kidman pinning an ICP guy at 4:23.
Eddie Guerrero came in immediately to stop the postmatch attack. Eddie
challenged Vampiro. Hey, they finally figured out that they should
pluck a singles match out of this six-man situation.
Gene Okerlund interviewed Hulk Hogan. Hogan limped to the ring; what a
trooper, delivering bad matches while injured instead of healing up
first to deliver bad matches. Hogan pointed out that "there is a
straight line between two points." Hey, he's a master of geometry!
Hogan talked about his son and played it total babyface. He gave his
word that he wouldn't stab Sting in the back.
Rick Steiner faced Chris Benoit for the US Title. Schiavone was quick
to point out that Benoit & Saturn would face Sid & Steiner on Thunder,
which probably foreshadowed the ending of this match. They started
with a flurry of punches, with Schiavone sadly calling that "bigtime
wrestling toe-to-toe." Finally, Benoit hit a german suplex, some kicks
and punches, tried for a leapfrog of the ropes, but Rick caught him in
a powerslam. Steiner had most of the offense in the match, including
whacking Benoit into the guard rail a couple of times. After a shot
into the steel steps, they went back into the ring. Thank god they
didn't walk around. Benoit rallied with a series of german suplexes.
Benoit went for the top rope head butt, but Steiner pulled the referee
on top of him, so Benoit hit the ref. Steiner grabbed the US Title to
attack Benoit, but Saturn came in for the save. Of course, Sid canme
in too. The Revolution members were destroyed a bit here, which
hopefully meant good things for Thunder. Call the match 5:50.
Harlem Heat defended the WCW Tag Titles against Barry Windham &
Kendall Windham. The Rednecks had no heat coming to the ring with that
new song. Whoever had the plan came up with one that worked. Stevie
Ray is terrible. I watch Harlem Heat and just feel sorry for Booker T,
exactly the same way that feel sorry for X-Pac. The Rednecks miscued,
Booker hit the axe kick on Kendall, Booker hit a top rope kick, Curt
Hennig used snuck in to use the cowbell, and Kendall Windham got the
pin to win the titles at 4:32. Oh man, Kendall Windham?
El Vampiro Canadiense faced Eddie Guerrero. Hey, this had some
promise. Not for ratings, but for quality. Eddie was incredible. There
was a substantial size difference, emphasizing just how big Vampiro
is. Unlike other big guys, he can work pretty well. They did some good
sequences of moves. Eddie hit a superplex and signalled for the frog
splash, with ICP showing up. Eddie dove on ICP, but lost his footing
so it was scary. With one ICP member distracting the referee, the
other climbed on the apron only to crack heads with Eddie. That
accident led to Eddie getting pinned by Vampiro at 4:34. Rey & Kidman
came in immediately to stop any postmatch attack.
Hulk Hogan faced Sting for the WCW Title. They shook hands at the
start of the match. Hogan favoured his knee with every motion.
"Immediately, the tempers flare!" Thanks, Tony. They traded hammerlock
reversals, which is actually pretty to watch with Hogan involved.
Sting put an armbar on Hogan. Hogan got a two off a schoolboy. They
did a horrible small package, with Hogan reversing it on Sting on the
way down, but the commentators missing that completely, instead
talking about Hogan's shoulders not being down. Hogan hit some
clotheslines and a back suplex. Hey, where's Lex? Hogan could barely
move quickly enough for "running" clotheslines. Tony informed us that
Sting was "trying to win this thing." Sting raked Hogan's back.
Classic, classic wrestling in this match. Sting missed a high elbow
drop. Hogan did the three punches. He did a totally lame kick to
Sting's guts. This being 1999, a year of garbage wrestling, they left
the ring and walked. Sting dumped Hogan on the commentary table. Hogan
gently placed, er, slammed Sting on the table. The referee went out
with them instead of counting them out. Hogan got a two on Sting after
an elbow. Sting rallied with kicks and chops. Sting slammed Hogan and
hit a Big Van Crush off the second rope. Sting went to a headlock on
Hogan. People that had clicked over to RAW earlier and now clicked
back immediately clicked back to RAW. Hogan's arm fell twice, but the
finger wagged on the third try. Elbows to the gut "from the master
himself," punches, with Sting even bumping, foot to the face, leg
drop. No, Sting moved. Good pop. Stinger splash, second one met with a
foot to the face, third one met with the turnbuckle. Sid Vicious &
Rick Steiner ran in to spoil the match at 11:45. Goldberg ran in, and
the heels went scurrying. Lex Luger came in. "They really need to do
this again," said Tony. Hogan promised Sting another shot. It looked
like they were trying to establish this face squad, led by Hogan,
which would build to Hogan turning in the short-term future, and Luger
likely following suit. I would guess that Sting & Goldberg would then
be joined by Bret Hart as the opposing headline faces.
KISS sang. Brian Adams debuted as KISS Warrior.
Tally time: 50:04 of bell-to-bell wrestling. Did I miss something or
was Berlyn supposed to debut on this show?
- The Observer suggests that the WCW braintrust passed the US Title to
Chris Benoit largely because they wanted to get it off of David Flair
to remove all Flair cronies from TV. Flair still doesn't want to
return to a TV role and has medical support for time off, but the
braintrust probably wants to bury him some more. In fact, WCW had
already taped a David Flair title defense to air on Thunder that week,
but they switched the title on Nitro and edited Thunder instead.
- On 08/26/99, I chose to watch Thunder live instead of watching the
debut of Smackdown. The reason was based purely on the fact that they
had advertised Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Rick Steiner & Sid. Not that
that sounded like a great match or anything, but the booking would
reveal something. Early in the show, Sid came out with Rick to do an
interview. When Gene Okerlund asked Sid what his current record was,
Sid said it didn't matter. But I thought that was his gimmick? Oh boy.
And in typical WCW fashion, it seemed like this show was taped at a
time before the tag titles were switched at Nitro. So, we ended up
seeing half of the tag champions pinned in a six-man by Rey Misterio
Jr. They also aired Harlem Heat vs. First Family in a match that was a
challenge match for the titles, but was now explained as a match to
determine the number one contenders, with the ring entrances carefully
removed. In WCW, then, you become number one contenders by beating the
former champions instead of pinning the current champions. My head
hurts. In the disappointing main event, the old farts sold a bit for
the young guys, but the match was really a long heat segment on Benoit
before a hot tag. They tried to do a double pin sort of deal, but in
the end second referee Charles Robinson counted the pin by Sid on
Saturn. Sid then powerbombed Benoit as well, with the remaining
Revolution members running in for the save. Deflating.
- Despite acknowledging that Steve Austin didn't want to work TV
matches with Billy Gunn (not over enough), Jeff Jarrett (not over
enough, and, hey, then he couldn't be seen with Debra), and didn't
want to drop the WWF Title to HHH at the PPV, and despite reports that
Austin wants Debra to have the same schedule as him, WWF sources
insisted to the Observer that any conclusions based on these details
and others that Austin is becoming a bit unmanageable is far from the
truth, painting him instead as a model employee.
- The Observer rated the Dennis Rodman vs. Randy Savage match from
Road Wild at * 1/4 , which of course means that it came out over two
stars better than either Kane vs. Big Slow PPV in the WWF. Somehow I
know that will generate more e-mail that I don't want to read. And the
women's match from SummerSlam was as bad or worse than those Kane vs.
Big Slow matches, IMO.
- PPV buy rates, revenue (in millions), and match statistics for the
WWF, WCW, and ECW are presented in the following 1999 summary sheet
(the PPV draw(s) are listed, as well as the quality matches):
Show Data Match Rating Data
Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * *
WWF
99/07/25: Fully Loaded
Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 1.4 $6.7 1.75 * * * * * 3/4
Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 0%
(0 of 9)
99/06/27: King of the Ring
Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon 1.13 $5.41 1 3/4 * *
1/2
Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon 0%
(0 of 10)
99/05/23: Over The Edge
Steve Austin vs. Undertaker 1.1 $5.28 Owen Hart dies
99/04/25: Backlash
Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 1.06 $5.09 2.28 * * 1/4 * * * * 1/4
Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 12.5%
(1 of 8)
99/03/28: WrestleMania
Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 2.3 $12.04 1.13 * 1/4 * * * 1/2
Steve Austin vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0%
(0 of 9, no shoot)
99/02/14: St. Valentine's Day Massacre
Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon
Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 1.2 $5.33 1.28 * 1/4 * * * 3/4
Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0%
(0 of 8)
99/01/24: Royal Rumble
Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia
Royal Rumble 1.57 $6.97 1.83 * 1/2 * * * 3/4
Mankind vs. Rocky Maivia 0.0%
(0 of 6)
Last 6 1.37 $6.64 1.47 1.5 3.55 2.3%
(1 of 44)
1999 1.39 $6.69 1.51 1.5 3.58 2%
(1 of 50)
1998 1.02 $4.42 1.60 1.63 3.65 4.0%
(4 of 101)
Show Data Match Rating Data
Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * *
WCW
99/07/11: Bash at the Beach
Kevin Nash & Sting vs. Randy Savage & Sid Vicious 0.41 1.95 0.75 1/2*
* * * 1/2
Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon & Bam Bam
Bigelow 0%
(0 of 7)
99/06/13: Great American Bash
Kevin Nash vs. Randy Savage 0.43 2.05 0.75 3/4* * * * 1/4
Chris Benoit & Saturn vs. Diamond Dallas Page & Kanyon 0%
(0 of 9)
99/05/09: Slamboree
Kevin Nash vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0.45 2.15 1.75 * * * * * 1/4
Raven & Saturn vs. Rey Misterio Jr. & Konnan vs. Chris Benoit & Dean
Malenko 0%
(0 of 9)
99/04/11: Spring Stampede
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan vs. Diamond Dallas Page vs. Sting 0.6 2.86
2.31 * * 1/2 * * * * 1/4
Juventud Guerrera vs. Blitzkrieg 11.1%
(1 of 9)
99/03/14: Uncensored
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 0.73 $3.48 1.83 * * * * * 1/2
Billy Kidman vs. Mikey Whippreck 0%
(0 of 9)
99/02/21: SuperBrawl
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan 1.1 $5.27 1.89 * * 1/2 * * * 1/4
Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Kevin Nash
Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page 0%
(0 of 9)
99/01/17: Souled Out
Bill Goldberg vs. Scott Hall
Ric Flair & David Flair vs. Curt Hennig & Barry Windham 0.78 $3.64
1.83 * 1/2 * * * *
Billy Kidman vs. Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis
11.1%
(1 of 9)
Last 6 0.62 $2.96 1.55 1.71 3.5 1.9%
(1 of 52)
1999 0.64 $3.06 1.59 1.68 3.57 3.2%
(2 of 61)
1998 0.93 $3.96 1.54 1.73 3.73 4.5%
(5 of 111)
Show Data Match Rating Data
Show Details Buy Rate Gross Mean Median Peak % >= * * * *
ECW
99/01/10: Guilty As Charged
Shane Douglas vs. Taz 0.2 $0.42 1.68 * * 1/2 * * * 1/2
Yoshihiro Tajiri vs. Super Crazy 0.0%
(0 of 7)
Last 6 0.22 $0.42 1.93 2 3.42 5.3%
(1 of 19)
1999 0.2 $0.42 1.68 2.5 3.5 0.0%
(0 of 7)
1998 0.23 $0.43 1.56 1.5 3.00 3.7%
(1 of 27)
Longer-term data is available. The data now runs back to 1991.
- The WWF has Unforgiven on 09/26/99.
- The WWF has No Mercy on 10/17/99.
- The WWF has Survivor Series on 11/14/99.
- The WWF has Armageddon on 12/12/99.
- The WWF has Royal Rumble on 01/23/00.
- The WWF has No Way Out on 02/27/00.
- The WWF has WrestleMania on 04/02/00.
- The WWF has Backlash on 04/30/00.
- The WWF has Judgment Day on 05/21/00.
- The WWF has King of the Ring on 06/25/00.
- The WWF has Fully Loaded on 07/23/00.
______________________________________________________________________
Thanks to: Masaki Aso.
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