11/22/2009 @ 6:00PM

To Bow Or Not To Bow

Before President Barack Obama stepped out of his bomb-proof limousine to greet Japan’s Emperor Akihito in Tokyo at the start of his Asia trip, he had a choice: He could bow to Japan’s national symbol and pander to the local audience or just go for a bit of solid hand-pumping. In the end, he did both, extending his hand as he bowed, though failing to quite make the 90-degree bend required by strict protocol.

The President chose badly, because apart from a few right-wing groups who get their kicks driving around in flag-draped black vans blaring marshal music, most Japanese, the emperor included, would have been content with a friendly handshake. All Obama achieved by prostrating himself in front of Emperor Hirohito’s son was to incite critics back at home. The image to his detractors was the antithesis of a victorious General Douglas MacArthur, with his arms on his hips, towering over the defeated Japanese monarch next to him, still unsure whether he would stand trial as a war criminal.

Luckily, very few meetings between East and West are fraught with such diplomatic landmines, but for Westerners meeting with Japanese customers or clients for the first time, it can be an uncomfortable confusion of knowing where to stand, when to sit and how to hand out the all-important name card. It needn’t be. The chance of committing a cultural faux pas is extremely slim, because although the Japanese are pretty harsh on each other when it comes to showing the correct manners in an act of benevolent discrimination, they will let foreigners get away with pretty much anything as long as they take off their shoes when they are supposed to. It’s why a handshake by Obama would have been fine.

An effort to fit in is appreciated. However, a few basic ground rules are all anyone needs to get by: Be polite to everyone, hand over and receive name cards in a respectful manner and sit facing the door–which your Japanese host will arrange for you anyway, so you’re ready for any ninja assassins who might burst in. Then talk about the weather or the food until everyone’s feeling a little relaxed. It might start off a little stiff, but several hours later, when you are at a nearby Karaoke box singing a duet of “Up Where We Belong” with your arm draped around your Japanese client’s shoulder, you can finally get down to business.

Trying to understand the nuances of Japanese social hierarchies will take too long and help little. Even for tin-eared locals it can be tough to hit the right social tone. A generational gap also means old Japanese berate the young for a perceived lack of manners. The social acrobatics sometimes needed to keep everyone in harmony provides rich material for Japanese comedians and satirists who want to poke fun at their countrymen, which they often do.

So next time Obama is in Tokyo to meet dignitaries, he should probably stick to his American handshake. The Japanese emperor is unlikely to make much fuss if the U.S. president decides not to kowtow when he comes calling in Tokyo. Obama, however, is still unlikely to persuade him to join in a duet.

But he may have better luck dragging Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama down to a karaoke bar, where the two might sing their rendition of David Bowie and Queen’s hit “Under Pressure.”

Tim Kelly is Tokyo bureau chief for Forbes. You can follow him on Twitter @kellyJapan.