Sunday, September 29, 2013

Trade PSA: It is the responsibility of the parties involved in a trade to protect their own interests, and it is the responsibility of the commissioner to verify that no one is doing anything shady. So while I do not always agree with a trade, if I do not see anything nefarious happening, I have no choice but to approve it.

National Coffee Day

Week 4 Previews

It's a weird week. All the winning teams except one are playing one another, and all the losing teams are playing one another. Hopefully things will level out a bit.

For the third week in a row, Josh was Toyota HOF blowout of the week, this time at my expense (see below). At some point, someone is going to show up and score points against him. Let's hope it's this week against Farley's Fiddlers. The marquee matchup of the week involves these two undefeated teams. Pat's chances just took a hit with the Brees trade, but Peyton Manning should absolutely dismantle the Eagles so my money is on Pat.

So you're saying there's a chance? Wait. NO chance. I see. No chance.

Glenside and the Golden Showers are both heading into their matchup at 2-1, with the winner likely taking a solid hold on an early playoff spot (3rd and 4th). With a win, Hey Buddy can also lock himself in the top 4 with a win over the somewhat depleted but also bolstered squad of Mustache with Titties, who is dire need of a win.

Down at the bottom of the barrel, the losers are matched up. Chris and I are going head to head after several weeks of failed trade discussions, and are both playing players that we could have traded. I got a good start from Boldin who was resuscitated against the Rams, and as of yet, Chris has no QB.

Finally, Paul is at 0-3 and desperate for a win to keep him in contention. He is facing Travis who got an early boost from Frank Gore. Good luck to everyone except Josh.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

I like salads. They are typically good for you. There is an infinite number of combinations of things that can go in a salad. So you want a reason to eat hard boiled eggs, celery, blue cheese, and chicken? Put it on a salad. So you want to feel good about eating a steak? Slice it up and put it on a salad. Moreover, almost everyone likes salad to some degree. Some people really love it. You can get a salad anywhere. Salad is a good thing. I like salad.

However, I do not like salad more than I like real food. Salad is not my favorite food. I like the flexibility of the salad, of having the readily available Plan B. Salad is maybe best for me as a side dish, an accompaniment to the main course. When it comes down to it, I will take my steak (on a plate) with salad on the side.

For me, the Philadelphia Eagles are salad. They are the readily available, palatable alternative to my Baltimore Ravens-flavored T-bone. I have been in/around Philadelphia for nearly half my life at this point, and it is difficult to not get wrapped up in something so all-encompassing. So without further delay, here are the reasons I like salad:

Enemy of my Enemy is my Friend - Before 1996, the only team in my area was the Redskins. It was a good time for the Redskins, but I really never got into them. When the Browns became the Ravens, I became a Ravens fan. Around the same time, Redskins fans became dicks. Combined with the local rivalry, I hate the Redskins. Fast-forward to the Super Bowl in 2000 between the Ravens and the Giants.I am a freshman at Drexel, and it turns out there is large population of Giants fans at Drexel. Giants fans are dicks too. I had to endure two weeks of game management Trent Dilfer comments, Ray Lewis murder comments, and general animosity. Well we win, and I forever hate the Giants. I also, obviously hate the Cowboys. And you guys hate the Steelers. It's a win-win.

Fantasy Relevance - Outside of the Ravens, my favorite part of football is fantasy football, and the Eagles provide plenty of fantasy fodder. Mike Vick, LeSean McCoy, Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson are the big names, but even going back to McNabbulous, Terrell Owens, and Brian Westbrook there have been some awesome fantasy quantities. It's much easier to watch a team every week when you have something to root for. (sorry about ending that sentence in a preposition)

Bandwagon FTW - It's so easy to root for a winner. When the Eagles are good, the entire city becomes a more pleasant place to be. Race lines fade away, people stop at stop signs, and SEPTA still runs late, but no one seems to care.

Free Stuff - If the Eagles win, we all get free coffee from Dunkin Donuts. In the past, we have gotten free pizza from Papa Johns and Free Tacos from Taco Bell. Free stuff = awesome.

Self-preservation - It's not easy being a football fan in a different city than the one where your team plays. You rarely see games, no one knows what the hell you are talking about when you want to discuss your team. I have to be able to hold an Eagles-driven conversation.

Here are some of my favorite Eagles moments (I am sure there are better ones out there, but these come to mind):

Week 3 Update

Last week's games left us with three teams at 2-0. No surprise that Gatorade me, Bitch! is up there after two year of success. Hey Buddy! snuck in with a tight win over Initials, and then a week 2 no-show from the Golden Eagles. I don't want to say it's a surprise, because that would be insulting, but I am pleased to see Farley's Fiddlers are 2-0, despite the fact that it came at my expense. In November 2011, I wrote the following:

Fell Off My Dinosaur is setting an amazing example for the rest of us, still making moves, still trying to win, despite his incredible record of 0-9. I have never seen anything like it...

Well those moves led to his current success. So it's bittersweet, but I am happy to see Pat at 2-0.

Travis and I had a crazy-tight match-up which I thought I had won on literally the last play of the last game of the week. Then, sure enough, a stat correction came in and we ended up in a tie.

Glenside put up very big numbers...so big in fact that I had to consult the record books. Glenside's 160 points represents his third highest point total in league history, putting up 161 and 164 in 2011. Congrats Glenside, and clearly you should never be involved in your drafting.

Seven teams were right in the 130-150 range. Maybe we finally achieved parity.

Three teams are not fortunate enough to have a win as of yet. To them, I say:

Maybe throw it to Antonio Brown more often. Dick.

Who is going to lost to Shust first?

This week's contestant is SackedBySuggs. He is off to a good start with Shust getting only 3 points from Salad starter Brent Celek. The fate's may align for Shust this week, as the rumor is he is going to be a dad really soon. Shustie I am pulling for you...

COWs

This kind of joy can only come when your team annihilates the reigning NFC Champions, holding Anquan to a mere 1pt.

I'm not wearing anything beneath this pom-pom

It was a windy day, so the cheerleaders holding the flag were selected based on ballast-ability.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

So Farley's Fiddlers sits atop the league standings right now after scoring the most points in the league in his match up against me. In second is the Golden Showers with an impressive performance all across the board (i.e., 1/3 of his points were not from one player). Gatorade is in third, as would be expected of the current champion. Hey Buddy is in the fourth spot after a close win over Initials, and finally Big McLarge is in fifth after beating Mustache and starting a new season long contest...see below.

Last Monday at 9:30pm when I checked the final of my match up

Last week, partly for fun, and partly because I had not other topic to write about, I made predictions for each match up. Globally I went 2/5 with some choice bits of insight that turned out to be fairly valid, but overall, a complete failure. Moving forward, I am probably done with these predictions, and if I find myself lacking inspiration, I will just talk about myself.

Allow myself to talk about....myself

NEW SEASON LONG CONTEST!!!!!

"Who is going to be the first to lose to Shust?"

WEEK 2 - This weeks contestant is Gatorade, who is projected to win 139-121 currently. Currently Vegas has the odds of Mustache beating Gatorade at 400:1.

Great News for Farley's Fiddlers

Last year, in week 1, I scored the second most points in the league but lost by four points, meaning I was the most unlucky person in the league. This year, in week 1, I scored the second most points in the league but lost by four points, meaning I am still the most unlucky person in the league. The good news for Farley is the team that beat me last season went on to win. If you are going to get sixty points from a QB, let it be the same week you are playing the guy who gets 44 points from a 30 year old (beloved) wide receiver.

You don't owe Jeff anymore. You've given him everything.

Not everything. Not yet.

The Al Davis Award

Yesterday I got a notification from the NFL Mobile app on my phone. Note the breaking news at the top of the image below...

Then you say:

"But wait Jeff, the Al Davis award is about the worst decision in the draft. Mark Sanchez went undrafted, so what the hell are you talking about? "

I am talking about Vick Ballard. He is so not good, that when he goes on IR, NFL Mobile does not bother to tell us, but when undrafted fantasy stud Mark Sanchez goes on the short term IR, I get a notification. Goodbye Vickie B. - See you next year. Shust - It's official. It is already impossible for Tavon Austin to be of less value than Vick Ballard, so you are the recipient of the Al Davis Award.

Welcome to the club.

Update on the "I see way more P**** than you guys" Award

The award, if you recall, is for the team that gets the biggest impact from FA pickups. The name is in honor of my wife, who is an OBGYN and does in fact see way more p**** than us, and who also excels in free agency. I am going to call it the P**** award for short, until Jen shoots me down. I am going to track free agent pickups (not waivers) and also starts. Only free agent pickups who start will count towards your total. Currently, the leader for the P**** award is One Beer Weidners - with 12 points from Washington Defense. Pat and I both left FA points on the bench from Joquie Bell and Julius Thomas, respectively. I can host the spreadsheet on Google Drive, once it gets more interesting.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

09:42 - This weeks blog is limited to an hour for development time because there are only so many hours in the day and I am a very busy, very important person. The blog this week is just going to be matchup analysis and predictions based entirely on my imagination and opinions. Don't hold it against me.

so excited.

Week 1 Matchups

Gatorade me bitch! vs. Glenside Grannies

League Champion Gatorade is taking on the Grannies, last seasons 9th place finisher, and this years sole autodrafter. Turns out that Yahoo was not cruel to Nate with his autodraft, leaving him a fairly solid team. Currently he is still relying on Matthew Stafford, and while things are looking up with Reggie Bush there, they are still the Lions. Gatorade has a scary solid team with big point potential at every position.

Prediction: I am taking Glenside Grannies for the upset. Josh will be struck with under-performances from Jimmy Graham, Jamaal Charles, and even a late Monday surge from LeSean will not be enough. Big points from Pierre Garcon will help Glenside take the close win.

Gatorade 133 - 138 Glenside

SackedBySuggs vs. The Golden Showers

Two powerhouses from last year are duking it out in a week 1 in what could be a pivotal game for both their seasons. No pressure. Both had solid drafts, but have some interesting situations to deal with in their lineups. Suggs is starting Cecil Shorts, who plays for Jacksonville and is not named MJD, and Golden Showers is playing three Dallas Cowboys, defying traditional fantasy football knowledge.

Prediction: I want to pick Matt to win, but the Cowboys are going to screw him over. Suggs takes the victory, but will have to make big decisions next week after poor showings from Lamar Miller and Shorts.

Suggs 155 - 140 Golden Showers

BigMcLargeHuge vs. Mustache w/ Titties

The Yahoo draft grade consensus weaklings match up in week 1 in the Battle of the C-. BigMcLarge has a strong core, but a potentially steep drop off in depth, while Mustache really looks to struggle this season.

Prediction: BigMcLargeHuge with a big win. Tom Brady always lights people up week 1, and Megatron is Megatron.

Big 141 - 119 Mustache

One Beer Weidners vs. Farley's Fiddlers

I think, barring any miracles, that this game is already over. I think it's pretty much impossible to overcome a 60 point by one player performance.

Prediction: Farley holds on to win despite big games from AP and Rodgers. Bonus prediction - I leave 100 points on the bench.

Weidners 142 - 150 Fiddler's

Hey! Buddy! vs. Initials

This is a tough one to predict. The Ravens-Broncos game was cruel and kind to Buddy, with an easy TD for Thomas, but a lost Defensive TD due to supreme idiocy. I think in the end, the battle will come down to the quarterbacks, and I think the advantage will go to Paul. Kaepernick is too good. I think as the season goes on, he will slow down, but he will blow up this week.

Prediction: Riding on Kaepernick and the fact that Newton has no one besides steve smith, still, to throw to, Paul will put up big points as the weeks leading scorer.

Buddy 142 - 168 Initials

Ten things to watch for this week

1. Andy Reid in a "Chiefs Red" jumpsuit with utility belt

so red.

2. Rookie QBs across the league getting obliterated
3. The collective sigh of realization of the entire NFL when they realize that last year's rookie QBs were a fluke
4. Michael Vick's career-ending injury
5. Drew Brees selling Wranglers

so manly.

6. Ray Lewis behind the desk

7. The Saints hype machine going crazy after a big win over ATL

8 . Bengals taking their first step towards mediocrity after losing to the Bears