A Breath of Fresh Ears

I’m always on the lookout for ways
to improve communication skills in marriage. Communication skills involve the
sharing of ideas. They include the ability to verbalize ideas effectively and to
listen more attentively. Learning both these skills will help any relationship,
including our marriages, grow stronger. So, when I came across this little
communication gem, I had to share it with you. It is a simple, powerful tool to
help both the speaker and the listener communicate more effectively. I call it
“a breath of fresh ears” (yes, “ears” not “air”).

Many times, communication breaks
down because we respond too quickly. We impatiently finish the other person’s sentence,
interrupting them in mid-sentence or talking over them before they have finished
talking. On the other hand, you’ve probably had times when your spouse left you
little to no room to even respond. They go on and on as though in a filibuster
for the floor. Conversation becomes almost like a competition to “get a
word in edgewise.” In this process, ideas are lost and misunderstandings
arise. You and your spouse begin to feel “talked over,” ignored, or
unheard. Emotions flare. But, “a breath of fresh ears” can change all
this.

What is “a breath of fresh
ears”? Before you respond to your spouse, take a breath. That’s it. Pause
long enough to take a breath. When you do, several things might happen. First,
you’ll realize how difficult it is to slow down long enough to take a breath
before responding. We live in a frenzied world that has grown uncomfortable
with a slower pace that allows for miniscule moments of silence. So, we jump in
with what we believe our spouse is saying or respond to get our idea “on the
floor.” We are saturated with the self-absorbed mindset of our world and so
interrupt our spouse to make sure our “oh-so-important-point” is
heard. Taking a “breath of fresh ears” means slowing down. Take a breath. Then
speak…which brings me to the second thing you might learn.

Second, you’ll experience times
when your spouse starts talking again. You thought they were done but, in the
momentary pause of your breath, they decided to tell you more. Humble yourself
by putting your agenda aside for a moment and listen some more. As a reward,
you will learn more about your spouse. You will find they had more to say and
in that moment of silence created by your small breath, were able to formulate
a greater understanding of what they really wanted to communicate. Their
communication may even become more clear.

Third, you’ll find that the
“breath of fresh ears” really does give you fresh ears. In that
momentary pause you will find the time to reflect and reconsider your response.
You will answer more in tune with your partner. You will answer with greater
compassion and wisdom. You will answer in a way that “gives grace to the moment.”
And all of that will strengthen rather than hinder your relationship.

Three benefits from “a breath
of fresh ears…” oh, and a fourth benefit. “A breath of fresh
ears” will create a more relaxed and enjoyable conversation with your
spouse. The conversational competition will end as interruptions decrease and
everyone is allowed to finish their own thoughts. You and your souse will
relax. And, perhaps most important, you will learn more about yourself and your
partner. Try it out. Give your conversation “a breath of fresh ears”
and enjoy the growing intimacy you will experience.