Tossing Salt Is Impact Wrestling: July 7, 2011

July 11, 2011
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Tossing Salt Is Impact!

July 7, 2011

Doug Maynard

No, you didn’t read that wrong. Instead of doing the WWE shows, like RAW and Smackdown, I’ve decided to take the plunge and suck it up and see if I can stomach an entire episode of TNA and Impact Wrestling. I’m not a big TNA guy by any means, but I haven’t really had much interest as of late in the WWE stuff, thus no recaps. But I’ve got the urge to write and since I know that Jerry Lynn is scheduled to be on the program tonight, maybe this will get the fire started again.

So hang on to your hats (does anyone even wear hats anymore?) and get ready for a wild ride because I’m Doug and “Tossing Salt is Impact Wrestling!”. And when I finish with recapping the program, I have a theory about the WWE and CM Punk / John Cena and their upcoming match at “Money In The Bank” and how all of that is going to turn out. I want to throw that at you as well.

So that’s the agenda. Let’s head to Mike Tenay and Taz and the Impact Zone in Orlando, FL. And let’s do this…

We open up with a recap of last week as Hulk Hogan and Immortal beat up Sting, but Kurt Angle makes the save. Bully Ray (Bubba Dudley), Gunner and Scott Steiner are in the ring. And they call out the TNA Champion, Mr. Anderson… Anderson.

And Ken Anderson still does the self-intro. Wow! Bully Ray is not impressed and he introduces himself in a sincere piece of mockery. Ray tells Anderson to keep his mouth shut or else Gunner will beat his ass. Hogan is on the way and Bully Ray is in charge. Anderson was headed down the right path when he attacked Sting. Sting is crazy as of late. Bully says that Anderson can’t beat Sting and needs them. Immortal needs Anderson and the World Championship. Immortal has Anderson’s back so he needs to make them all happy. Steiner talks and it’s time to put up or shut up. Hogan has given Anderson chance to make decision, but Steiner is telling him that his time is up. With Immortal or against them. Gunner speaks next. Hogan laid out everything and the main event is all of Immortal versus Sting and Kurt Angle. By the end of the match, they expect an answer from Anderson or else Immortal will make sure that Anderson doesn’t see the light of day on Impact ever again.

The lights are out and music hits. It’s Joker Sting up in the rafters. Love that Heath Ledger face paint. Lights go out again. Kurt Angle is in ring and Angle-Slams for Gunner and Steiner. Bully Ray escapes and Kurt gets the mic. Kurt tells Anderson to make an easy decision tonight and not to make it hard on himself. Kurt heads to the back as Anderson stands in the ring watching and apparently pondering his future.

Bobby Roode and James Storm are in the back and tease a little tension, but all is good. Roode talks about needing some wins in the BFG series. Storm teams up with Matt Morgan later tonight while Roode is facing Crimson. Coming up on Sunday is TNA Destination X PPV.

We come back and Taz recaps the Bound For Glory series taking place at the house shows over the past week. Crimson leads in the points standings. We go to Christy Hemme in the ring, doing the announcing.

Bound For Glory Series Match

Crimson versus Bobby Roode

Crimson goes after the arm at the bell and takes over with a headlock. Rude with the elbow. Crimson with the shoulders in the corner. Roode takes back over and snaps the neck. Crimson drops Roode across the top rope and hits another shoulder. Power suplex by Crimson for two. Crimson locks up the neck and hits some knees and a neckbreaker for two. Roode with fists. Suplex by Crimson for another two. Elbow and kick by Roode and a leaping neckbreaker by Roode. Fist city by Roode and a spinebuster for two. Crimson with a roll-up for two. Roode with submission on arm, but Crimson gets to the ropes. Good back and forth. Crimson with a power-bomb for the pin.

Winner: Crimson

We take a look at a guy named Tony Nese. He wants to be part of the X-Division and will be here later tonight. And we see a couple of more clips that are happening back stage, I guess. Some masked psychotic dude (Abyss) hikes a guy up against the wall and we see a masked dude, that looks like the winning kid from Tough Enough, pull back the hood and he’s walking too. (It’s Spanky).I guess we’re getting a match coming up? Who know? After so many years of watching WWE, where everything has a purpose, this TNA stuff is killing me. Only an hour and thirty-five minutes to go. Oh vey!

Jack Evans speaks and he wants a contract with TNA. He says he can stand out and bring it to the ring. He’s a step above and will be a part of Impact Wrestling.

Brian Kendricks is in the ring and he has Abyss’s mask. That’s who that guy was earlier. He wants to share his thoughts and calls out Abyss to the ring to give him his mask back. Here comes Abyss. Spanky is reciting words of Buddha and some bad poetry. He wants Abyss to help the X-Division, but it’s too much ego on Abyss’s part. He’s looking at intimidation at Destination X. Spanky knows about the pain that Abyss hides behind the mask. Spanky would love to help Abyss. Spanky gives Abyss the mask back. They stand face to chest. Abyss nails Spanky and it’s beatdown time.

Abyss throws Spanky around outside the ring and Spanky hurts his leg. Back in the ring and Spanky fights back. Abyss does some one-man “shades of One Man Gang” clubbering and Spanky gets the “Shock Treatment”. That’s an excellent movie, by the way. It’s the sequal / equal to the Rocky Horror Picture Show and it totally rocks. Check it out if you can. Black Hole Slam by Abyss and he leaves Spanky laid out.

Jesse Sorenson talks next (who are these people?) and he is here to prove while he should be a TNA X-Division wrestler. Still to come: Immortal versus Kurt Angle and Sting. The Ultimate X and Destination X (the return of the six-sided ring) is this Sunday.

X-Division Match

Jack Evans versus Jesse Sorenson versus Tony Nese

A three man lock up and Evans tries for a quick pin. Sorenson looks good, but gets rolled up by Nese. Great dropkick by Nese and Evans breaks it up before we get a pin. Lots of great moves by Jack Evans, but Nese nearly takes his head off with a clothesline. Sorenson covers Nese for a pin attempt. Sorenson flies and looks great. Evans flies to the floor too and nails everyone. Evans gets a two on Nese. Evans misses a springboard. Nese gets a two. Sorenson with a big twist neckbreaker. Nese tries for suplex, but Sorenson tosses him away. Everyone is down. Evans covers Nese for two. Sorenson puts Evans in the corner and gets sent to the floor. Kick by Nese and Evans is up with a quadruple moonsault for the pin.

Winner: Jack Evans

I don’t know these kids from anyone, but damn it, that was a helluva good match. Later tonight, it’s RVD vs AJ Styles vs Christopher Daniels vs Jerry Lynn. That last match just took my breath away. Only thing that would have been better (in my opinion) is Ethan Storm vs Chris Steele vs BD Productions. Don’t know who these men are? Look ’em up! And put me at ringside. And there you go. Executioners of Excellence. ‘Nuff said. Did I mention that the last match was damn good? Well, I just did.

We see The British Invasion in the back. They’re having problems with the Mexicans. A video clip says that Shannon Moore and Robbie E will make history and kick ass at the X-Division showcase at Destination X. Amazing Red says he’s going to show everyone. Alex Shelley brags a bit too.

We see Velvet Sky and she’s tired of being a target by the other Knockouts!. She’s facing ODB and Jackie in a handicap match and if she pins them, they’re gone from Impact Wrestling. She says she’ll get it done and calls them idiots. The Knockouts handicap match is coming up next.

Sting is singing in the dressing room. Kurt Angle comes in. Sting is acting nuts and singing “Eye of The Tiger”. Sting is doing great and says that he’ll get the world title back next week. Kurt reminds them of their match tonight. Kurt tells Sting that he’s out of his mind. Sting promises Kurt that he can trust him and he starts singing again. It’s showtime, folks!! He hasn’t snapped. He just feels good.

Knockouts Handicap Match

Velvet Sky versus ODB & Jackie

ODB is a nasty biatch! Velvet attacks and nails Jackie with a chair from behind. Velvet with shoulders on ODB and it’s chop-city. Kicks to the booty and more “shades of Ric Flair” chops. Splash and Velvet is just dominating the match. A big splash in the corner. Jackie is in and catches Velvet from behind. Jackie just tosses Velvet around by the hair. Fists by Jackie. Velvet makes the comeback and gets a two before ODB breaks it up. ODB with choke, but misses a splash. Kicks by Velvet and some more chops. Jackie is back on the attack with fists and kicks. ODB is in and takes Velvet on a tour of the turnbuckles. Jackie tags in and Velvet comes back with kicks and clotheslines. Everyone is down. Velvet with forearm shots to everyone. ODB gets a chair. Velvet moves and ODB nails Jackie. Velvet sends ODB to the floor and plants Jackie with a DDT for the pin.

Winner: Velvet Sky

That was so much better than any WWE Diva match. I love watching Jackie back in the ring. And ODB? Well, she kind of scares me? Them big old things on her chest? They sure as hell ain’t natural! Disgusting!!!! We see Devon is in the back and he talks to the Pope. Pope gives Devon a pair of shades. Devon tells Pope they ain’t friends and if Devon tries to double-cross him, he’ll be sorry. The Four-Way X-Division Dream match is next. We get some video promo time from AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels and they talk about their dedication, their love of wrestling, and why and how they are the men they are. “The Fallen Angel” is an amazing dude!

I’m not even going to try and recap this match. I’m just gonna sit back and watch it and enjoy it. Just picture lots of flying, lots of high impact moves, lots of back and forth and lots of great action. ‘Nuff said!!!

Winner: RVD

I loved this. Looked like all four men were just having fun and putting on a clinic. Hey Vince, I hope you’re taking notes. These are some talented dudes. I want to see more of this. And congrats to all four guys for an excellent match and a job well done.

It’s Eric Young. He’s looking scruffy and he’s the TV Champion.

Bound For Glory Series Match

Matt Morgan & James Storm versus Brother Devon & The Pope

Devon and Pope are jawing at the start. Devon starts off with Storm. Devon with a shoulder. Storm with a kick for two. Storm to the arm, but Devon reverses. Morgan in and Devon with the fists. Elbow by Matt and a slam. Legdrop for two. Storm tags in and throws some punches. Devon with a back elbow and a big headbutt for two. Pope tags in and he throws some kicks. Storm with a hiptoss and Devon back in. Clothesline by Storm and Morgan tags in.

Matt with the big elbows in the corner. A splash and a side-slam for two. Storm tags in and throws some punches. Devon fights back with a shoulder and a tag to The Pope. Pope with flying forearm and a dropkick for Morgan. Pope pounds away at Storm in the corner. Storm with a back-stabber for two. Devon in and Morgan in too. Morgan sends Devon to the floor. Pope and Storm bump heads. Pope gets a title belt from ringside and nails Storm with the belt. Pope tags in Devon and throws Devon on top of Storm. Devon gets the pin.

Winners: The Pope and Devon

Still to come: It’s Immortal versus Sting and Kurt. We see Mr. Anderson in the back and he’s talking and walking. He doesn’t like ultimatiums. But if they want answers tonight, he’ll give it to them and they might not approve, but oh well…

We see Jeff Jarrett and Karen Jarrett and they’re in Mexico. And they’ll be back next week on TNA and they’re going to throw a fiesta to celebrate Jeff’s birthday. And Karen’s got something special for everyone. We see Taz and Mike Tenay. They talk about Jeff returning next week and then move on to run down the matches for Sunday night’s TNA Destination X pay per view. These look like they’re going to be some great matches.

We see Sting back in the dressing room and he’s going crazy while getting roughed up by Hulk Hogan, who finally nails him with the bat. Hogan tells Sting that he told him to never embarrass him again, brutha!!

Hogan laid out Sting in the back so it looks like Kurt will be doing this alone. Kurt still looks confident even though it’s four on one. Sting’s music plays, but there is no Sting. Kurt is all alone. Steiner attacks Kurt and does the beatdown in the corner. Kurt fights back with suplexes. Bully Ray tags in and rips Kurt’s shirt off. Neckbreaker by Ray for two. Kurt with a suplex and Ray tags in Gunner. Backdrop by Kurt and a snap-suplex for two. Abyss tags in. Kurt with fists.

Abyss goes for slam, but Kurt locks in an ankle-lock. Ray breaks it up. Abyss with fists as he pounds away at Kurt. Steiner in and he takes control. Suplex by Scotty for two. Gunner in with a choke and a two. Ray gets in a boot-shot and Abyss tags in and slams Kurt. Ray tags in and gets the chain. Mr. Anderson is coming out. He distracts Ray and Kurt nails a suplex. Anderson in the corner and tags in. He cleans house on Immortal and gives Kurt a mic-check too. He tags out to Kurt and throws Kurt over to Immortal. Immortal is just watching and don’t know what’s going on.

Winners: Immortal

Mr. Anderson is in the ring and he faces down Immortal before jumping into the arms of Abyss. Mr. Anderson is now with Immortal. Hogan comes out on the ramp to applaud Anderson’s decision as the members of Immortal raise Anderson on their shoulders and Mr. Anderson raises the TNA World Championship belt into the air. Hogan claps in approval as the show comes to an end.

And well, I’m not sure exactly what to say now. The show gets mixed reviews from me. The in-ring action is great. The match between the three unknowns was refreshing and entertaining. And the four-way match with RVD, Lynn, Styles and Daniels was a great change of pace from the usual crapola.

And I loved to see Jackie back in the ring during the Knockouts match. The ladies at TNA are given the chance to really show what they can do and this match, despite the presence of ODB, who admittingly creeps me out, was a hundred times better than any recent Diva’s match in the WWE. And the new “Joker-Faced” Sting was actually fun to watch. It’s the most entertaining Sting has been to me in probably fifteen years.

On the downside, the backstage promos sucked and kind of killed the momentum and flow of the show… at least to me. And Tenay and Taz are okay as announcers, but as often as not, they distract from the in-ring action. And I definitely could have gone without seeing Hogan.

But where was Flair? Probably off running up a bar tab somewhere. I hate to admit it, but I actually enjoyed the majority of the show tonight. Probably not enough to watch TNA every week. Thursday nights are not good for me. But the action tonight was good and on a scale of 1 – 10, I’d give the guys and girls at Impact Wrestling a solid “7”. Good job people.

And now, let’s briefly talk about the WWE and the CM Punk / John Cena title match for the WWE Championship at the “Money In The Bank” pay per view. If Punk wins. he says he’s taking the WWE Title with him when he leaves the WWE the next day, since his contract ends that night. Vince McMahon has told John Cena that if Punk leaves with the title, then Cena is, and I quote “FIRED!”. Let’s speculate on what’s going to go down at the pay per view.

I think that Punk and Cena will have one helluva great match for the WWE Title. And in the end, when that final bell rings,. we will see CM Punk crowned as the new WWE Champion. So Punk wins and has the title and it’s his last night with the company. Cena didn’t get the job done so he’s fired. End of story, right? Nope. At any other show, it would be. But this is the “Money In The Bank” pay per view. And the winners of the MITB matches get contracts for either World or WWE title matches whenever they desire. Can you see where I’m going with this?

Punk beats Cena. This gives Cena a chance to take some time off to heal from various injuries and also gives him a way back in to feud with Vince McMahon (if they choose this route) because Vince can “fire” Cena for losing the title to Punk, but since Vince’s exact words were that if Punk “leaves the company with the title”,he’d “fire” Cena, that leaves Cena a loop-hole to return.

As for Punk, he wins the WWE Championship from Cena at the show. He talks a lot of crap and gets on the mic to cut an awesome promo about what he’s going to do with the WWE Championship. And then it happens.The winner of the RAW “MITB” match comes out. He has the briefcase. He has the contract. And he’s cashing it in right now. Punk complains, but it doesn’t do any good. We’ve got another WWE Championship match and this time, Punk ends up on the losing end as we end up with a brand-spanking new WWE Champion. I’m not sure who it will be exactly. The best options is probably Alberto Del Rio. After all, it’s his destiny (as he reminds us each and every week). But regardless, I’ve got a strong feeling that as I’ve laid it out here is how it will play out a week from Sunday at the WWE PPV.

And look how it works out. Punk goes out on top which gives him an argument to immediately go to the top when he makes his eventual return. Cena gets time off to heal injuries that need to mend and when he comes back, he can feud with Vince (thus recreating the magic of the Vince -Austin wars – or at least attempting too). And we get a fresh face at the top who can claim he “saved the WWE”. It’s all win-win for the WWE by going this way. And that’s how I think it’s all going to eventually come down on next Sunday night.

And on that note, I’m out of here. I hope you enjoyed the recap. And let me know what you think of my theory for the Money In The Bank WWE title match ending? Am I crazy? Probably, but I still think I know of what I speak. Comments and questions can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.com. And if you like fics and short-stories, about all sorts of things, check out my site at www.blogspot.com/saltpalace.