Let your kids know you hear them

Published 3:53 am, Monday, April 20, 2015

Anna threw her jacket on the table and opened the fridge. “Mom, I’m hungry. Do we have any more of that pomegranate yogurt?”

Rebecca walked over to the refrigerator. “I think they’re all gone, but I’ll get more Saturday. For now, it’s blueberry or blueberry. How was Mrs. Morgan?”

“Actually, she’s probably better off than I am. I did an hour’s worth of little jobs for her, and she didn’t even say thanks. That stinks.”

Anna grabbed a blueberry yogurt and took it to the table. “People talk about my generation thinking we’re ‘entitled.’ They need to meet my neighbor. I wonder why I even volunteered to help her.”

How Rebecca responds to her daughter will make a big difference in how Anna feels and how she deals with the problem of an ungrateful neighbor. Consider these two different responses:

Response One: Rebecca looked over at her daughter. “Now, Anna. You know she’s old and house-bound. She probably thinks life’s unfair. Or, she may be grateful, but fails to say so to you. You should consider her circumstances. God calls us to serve everyone, not just those who are appreciative.

Response Two: Rebecca sat down at the table with Anna. “So Mrs. Morgan never indicates she’s grateful for what you do? Doesn’t that make you a little angry? You said people think kids act entitled, but it seems that notion crosses generations.”

Anna tossed her yogurt cup in the trash and put her hand on her mom’s shoulder. “I’m glad you know entitlement attitudes don’t just belong to teens.”

Rebecca got up from the table and hugged her daughter. “Anyone on the receiving end of entitlement can feel ‘used’ or taken for granted. I’m sorry she’s not showing you that she values your help.”

The major difference between those two responses is that in the second one, Rebecca did two things — she let Anna know she’d been heard and she acknowledged her feelings. When Anna realized that her mom understood, she was free to seek a solution to the problem. She felt validated.

Don’t we all want our feelings validated? If we know others understand our viewpoint, then we can move forward — even if it means serving someone who has forgotten how to say “thank you.”

Rebecca still needs to help her daughter see what might be going on with Mrs. Morgan. We’ll tackle that next week.