We finally have our first look of Disney's Mulan live action remake, and she's made to play that part

What having sex outside your age bracket is REALLY like...

Sex Editor and author of other articles she can actually show her grandparents. Considers no temperature too hot for leather trousers.

Tuesday 6 December 2016

Rex Features

For something with so few participants, sex is obsessed with numbers. The age you first did it, how many partners you’ve had, threesomes, 69s, multiples, inches, even quota of pubes. Pythagoras may never have worked on the pubic mound, but our fascination with sexual maths has lead researchers to find stats for every sexual situation.

There’s now an ideal age gap in relationships – one year, according to a 2014 study by America’s Emory University. A “danger age” you’re most likely to cheat - anything ending in a ‘9’ (29, 39), found research by both IllicitEncounters.com and New York University, the latter finding 18% more ages ending in 9s on cheating websites. There’s even a decade for best sex – our forties – when stamina’s replaced by self-knowledge and confidence, says the University of Pittsburgh.

Advertisement

Read these and you get the impression that age is pivotal in sex. Yet, does it dictate how <good> the sex is? With more of us lying about how old we are anyway – only 2% of people now expect full honesty across social media, online dating, chat rooms and sexual websites – is age even orgasm-relevant?

Here are some of the highs, lows and status quos of having sex outside your age bracket.

Read next

Nikohl Boosheri who plays TV's first Queer hijab wearing woman reveals what it was like going down on another woman on the small screen

"There’s no famine here, just a feast!"

10 Jul 2018

SEX...WITH AN OLDER LOVER

It’s more confident

“My best ever sex was with a man 26 years older. He spoke dirty to me, and insisted I spoke back so he knew I was enjoying myself. Yes, his body was different: his skin texture and muscle tone wasn’t as taut. But he was still less self-conscious than the 20-year-olds preoccupied with their bodies, how long they'll last or having porno sex.” Rosie, 25

They love the clitoris

“Older partners are incredibly patient; they don’t care how long it takes you to come. They love the clitoris. They are amazing at giving oral due to years of experience. They don’t care if you’re on your period or if you’ve shaved. They have absolutely nothing to prove, so happily focus on you and having a good time.” Eilidh, 30

Advertisement

Beware of the power dynamic

“I dated someone 15 years older and he wanted sex 24/7. I don’t think he ever thought he’d sleep with someone in their 20s again, so he wanted to make the most of every opportunity. Even watching TV, he’d bring up sex – particularly riskier stuff, like doing it public. His age created a persuasive power dynamic that put me on the lesser foot, and I didn’t like that.” Lizzie, 26

High-five their attitudes to women’s bodies

“I used to wax everything off down below – I thought that’s what you had to do to be sexy – until my older fling suggested I stop. He grew up in the era of Playboy models having a bush, and that's what he considered the height of femininity. So I let it grow out, and haven't waxed it since. Hearing from someone older, therefore wiser, that my pubic hair was a turn on cancelled out the message from porn that I had to be shaved.” Kathryn, 33

Age doesn’t alter things

“I have friends-with-benefits sex with a guy in his forties. It isn't that different. Occasionally, he’s lost an erection, but mainly I just notice what great shape he’s in. I can’t compare him to younger guys because sex varies so much with the individual. He's respectful and communicative – just like 20- and 30-somethings I’ve been with.” Theresa, 27

Read next

It's time to take back control of your birth control and here's how

Your body, your rules

08 Jun 2018

SEX...WITH A YOUNGER LOVER

They’re hung up on pubic hair

“I’ve had younger men refuse to go down on me, or even touch me down there, until I was completely smooth. I groom, but I don't like the look of being bare. Shaming me into it definitely isn’t going to change my mind.” Jemma, 29

It’s sexy being the teacher

“I had a fling with a 23-year-old. He’d had two sexual partners before me, so was quite inexperienced, and was very nervous about talking in bed. But it turned me on. I felt extra sexy when I could do things for him that he'd never tried before.” Bethan, 35

There’s a lot of variation

“I’ve slept with several younger men and maturity levels and priorities vary SO much. You can get a 21-year-old who’s respectful, giving and is desperate to pleasure you. You can get a 29-year-old who wants to jackhammer and pester you into anal. Honestly, I think if you’re compatible, age is irrelevant.” Shannon, 32

Advertisement

The constant sexting is off putting

“He was 19 and I was 25, and he was far too sexual outside the bedroom. He sent me unnecessarily graphic naked pictures every day; even months after it ended he’d still harass me for pictures of my breasts. He wasn’t a bad person, but he needed to calm down. You can only blame so much on testosterone.” Lou, 26

You can’t forget how young they are

“Last year, when I was 28, I unintentionally dated a 19-year-old. I thought he was 23, which wasn’t an ideal gap, but he seemed mature. Once he confessed that he was actually 19, I couldn't get over it. He was lovely in so many ways, but a 19-year-old guy is not in the same headspace as a 28-year-old woman. I couldn’t get our life-stage incompatibility out of my head enough to be able to enjoy the sex.” Harriet, 29

Have a sex question or topic you'd like to know more about? Gemma would love to hear from you. Email her at glamoursexeditor@condenast.co.uk.