The rude and nosy coworkerSometimes, colleagues are not even awarethey are perceived as being rudeDear Dianne,I work in a small office with just the doctor and three staffmembers. The business assistant is always sticking her nose inmy business. She asks personal questions that she shouldn’t beasking, such as how much money my fiancé makes. Sometimesshe is quite rude to me, and I’ve had to bite my tongue to keepfrom telling her to mind her own business.

But what really steams me is when she questions decisions
I make regarding patient care and often changes the time I need
for subsequent appointments. I don’t like gossip, which is why
I sometimes go and sit in my car at lunch just to get away from
her. I haven’t said anything to the doctor, because I don’t think
he would want to get involved.

She is very good with patients; they seem to love her.
But I’m getting to the point that I do not want to be around
her. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this
nosy, rude person?

—Valerie, RDH

Dear Valerie,

One of the pitfalls of working in a small office is the propensity
of some people to pry into their coworkers’ lives. Some people
live boring lives, so extracting some piece of juicy gossip about
someone else gives that person a thrill. I much prefer working
in a large office with a large cadre of coworkers. It seems there
is less opportunity for busybodies and general nosiness.

I can understand your reluctance to confront yourcoworker. You don’t want to create a feeling of hostility inyour small office, so up to this point, you have “put up” withher rudeness and nosey behavior.

However, since her behavior has become increasingly bothersome, it’s a safe assumption that you feel the pressure is
building. If you are ever going to stop the behavior, you must
deal with your coworker.

First, let’s talk about your coworker’s rudeness. Sometimes
when people are rude to us, it takes us by surprise. We don’t
know what to say immediately, but after we have time to process
the rude comments, the typical reaction is anger.

Most of us do not wish to handle rudeness with rudeness.Here is a great reply that I learned from a speaker at a NationalSpeaker Association meeting many years ago. (I wish I couldremember who said this so I could give them attribution.) Youcould say, “That comment sounded rude to me. Was that yourintention?” Believe it or not, some people do not know they arebeing rude. With this remark, you are letting the person knowthat she has been rude.Another great comeback is to question the question with,“Why do you ask?” or “Why do you say this?” This forces thequestioner to answer for their rude inquiry or statement.When your coworker launches into some bit of gossip, thebest thing you can do is to walk away. If she is addressing youdirectly, you can always say, “(Person’s name) is not here todefend herself, so it’s better if we change the subject.” I’ve usedthis: “ You need to take this situation to the person who can doDIANNE WATTERSON

She has published
hundreds of articles,
numerous textbook
chapters, and two books.

Dianne’s new DVD on
instrument sharpening is
now available on her
website at
wattersonspeaks.com
under the “Products” tab.

Visit her website for
information about
upcoming speaking
engagements. Dianne
may be contacted at
(336) 472-3515 or by
e-mail at diannemba@
gmail.com.

Staff Relations

The comeback

An article titled “ 12 Comebacks for Dealing
with Rude People” ( levo.com) gives us
several good rejoinders to rude comments:
1. Excuse me, but did you actually just say...
2. So sorry, I wasn’t listening.

Can you repeat that?

3. Right.

4. Well, I think we’ve reached the
end of this conversation.

5. Whatever you say.

6. You don’t really expect me
to answer that, do you?

7. That’s the most pretentious thing
I’ve ever heard. (Then laugh.)

8. You’re kidding, right? Hold on.

You are kidding, right?

9. Ouch. Did you mean to be that rude?10. Help me understand why you think thatwas an appropriate thing to say, andwhy you think I should answer you.11. Thank you. We’re all refreshed andchallenged by your unique point of view.12. My apologies. I don’t speak English.