写给女儿Aditi的第一封信///中国人嫁印度人/中印混血宝宝/中印婚恋/中国女孩嫁到印度

How are you, my little Kung
Fu master? You have been in Mama's belly for more than 20 weeks
now, we are half way there to meet you. Where should I start? I
have so much to tell you.

After we got to know you
were a girl, your Papa and Fua Lipi picked the name for you. We
wanted a powerful goddess name, because we didn't want your name to
be any less than Shiva, your brother's. Thus here it is, the female
Hindu goddess Aditi. According to Rig Veda, the oldest book in the
world, "Aditi is Mother of the Universe, the Primal Being. Aditi is
all the Heaven, Aditi is the space, Aditi is Mother, Father and
Children. Aditi is all the Gods and Goddesses, Aditi is the five
bases of creation. Aditi is all that has been and all that will
take birth."(Rig Veda 1.89.10) Aditi is the one who creates each
every living in the planet. One uncle joked on your Papa "Shiva is
on the job of destruction, Aditi on the job of creation, what a
match of siblings, no wonder your work specialized on
strategy!"

We didn't get to know your
gender on the scheduled 20th week ultrasound, we were informed 10
days earlier, due to an advanced DNA test. The DNA test is called
Cell-free fetal DNA test, it estimates the risk of about 6 genetic
mutations, base on baby's DNA, which is circulating freely in
mother's blood stream. Because it directly investigates the fetal
DNA, test accuracy is as high as 99%. The reason we did this test
was because my 2nd trimester California screening (a mother's blood
test on 16th week) for Down Syndrome showed a risk not that high,
but higher than my age group (1/470). The fetal DNA test is a
follow up option and non-invasive, when our doctor suggested it, we
immediately took it. Before the DNA test was first available in
2013, if California screening showed a Down Syndrome high risk,
which is bigger than 1/250 for women under 35 years old, mothers
were usually recommended to do an invasive diagnostic test, to find
out for sure. During the invasive test, a needle would be inserted
into mother's womb to fetch some amniotic fluid which contains
fetal DNA. This kind of tests cause a risk of miscarriage on later
pregnancy (1/100) due to infection.

With a risk like 1/470 (1
out of 470 mothers with the same blood condition) for having a Down
Syndrome baby, we would definitely be hesitant to take an invasive
test to find out more, because there is a chance for losing the
baby later on. Could I possibly be the one in the pool of almost
500 mothers? You never know until the baby is born. That is some
serious fear to carry through an already tough pregnancy. Now the
new fetal DNA test is available, it only requires 2 tubes of blood
from mother, sufficient fetal DNA could be separated for
investigation, the test result tells as much as the invasive test
could tell. In our case, your DNA shows low risk, less than
1/10,000 for all genetic mutations tested, thus we are freed from
the worrying of Down Syndrome. Our DNA test was conducted by a
company based in silicon valley, it is a start-up genetic testing
company, the Cell-free fetal DNA test was first provided by this
company from beginning of 2013. Because the lab is so close by to
where we live, from blood draw to getting result, it only took less
than 4 working days. How lucky we are today due to the advanced
genetic technologies.

But my dear Aditi you have
to remember, we live in the most privileged place, we are among the
most privileged communities. Our fetal DNA test costed $7999
without insurance, Mama and Papa paid $66 out of own pocket.
California is the state that most of such genetic testing companies
reside, and up to 2015 there were only 4 companies up and
competing. You know how much Mama wishes that within a short period
of time, genetic technology will advance much more, more labs from
the globe will join the competition. New methods coming up, raw
costs going down, tests will be made available and affordable to
most mothers and fathers in desperate
need.

The ironic fact is, when we
are sitting here talking about advanced genetic technologies, to a
vast amount of mothers in this world, basic prenatal care such as
regular checkups, ultrasound and vitamins; basic
clean delivery materials such as gloves, suction bulbs, clean
scissors; basic hospital facilities such as professional medical
staff, delivering tables, lights and electricity are not
accessible. As a result, infant mortality as well as maternity
death rate are extremely high, life and death is still a everyday
struggle. While we, who are embraced by all kinds of high-end
technologies, have never for a second worried about losing the baby
or mother before, during or after birth. Mama wants you to always
have this in mind, and start to volunteer from a very young
age.

Around two years ago, when I was 12 week pregnant with your brother
Shiva, we did a 1st trimester California screening ultrasound to
estimate the risk of Down Syndrome. We had the result right after
ultrasound, it was extremely low, 1/10,000. When Mama and Papa were
leaving the institute with relief, two medical staff stopped us,
asking if we could help them. We agreed and followed them into a
room. They explained that their company was a genetic testing
company, they were currently conducting a research on mother's
blood, hopefully in the future with a small amount of mother's
blood, they could separate baby's DNA and obtain information of
baby's health. Which means mothers would never anymore need to go
through invasive tests that could lead to miscarriage. Why did they
need me was because I was assessed negative on Down Syndrome and
with an extremely low risk, also I was on my 1st trimester, my
blood was valuable for their research. However the donation would
be made anonymous and we were not able to view any result. Without
hesitation, I was glad to help. They began to draw my blood, one
tube, two tubes, three tubes...without telling us in advance how
much of my blood they needed, in total of seven tubes were drawn
from my right arm. Luckily I didn't faint. Less than two days
later, my arm started to show severe bruise, the whole right arm
was covered in dark black and purple, it lasted for more than three
weeks before the bruise finally disappeared. Nobody remembered this
incident until recently. Who could have imagined after two years,
what I exactly needed was the availability of this genetic test,
and I became a beneficiary from a contributor. Help and contribute
will bring back good to you, much more than that, it will make you
happy and worthy. Mama wishes you a happy life by
giving.

Although it was only a short period of time we were worried, for
Mama it was a scary ride. "Down Syndrome" had suddenly became a
horror word for me, every time I saw it, my heart stopped a little.
After reading about it for half an hour, your Papa already calmed
down: "Most of such tests show a false positive, 1/470 is a very
low risk anyways." However Mama started to put herself through some
emotional trauma: "What if I am carrying a Down Syndrome baby?
Should I keep her anyways?" "It is already more than 17 weeks, I
started to feel her strong kicks from as early as 16th week, how
can I ever let my own child killed?" "But if I keep her, can all of
us take this burden? Can Shiva take it? What is the best for him?"
"What if I want to make the cruel decision? Most probably I will
change my mind at the last minute lying on the operating table." "I
think I will keep the baby no matter what. I will protect her from
all the discriminations." I cried like I was already holding my
Down Syndrome baby. You know I would trade everything I have for
your health, I would suffer a great deal myself to exchange for
your well-being. Money, fame and fortune, all of that is ultimately
weightless and meaningless, as long as you are healthy and happy.

"What will you do?" I asked
your Papa. " You need to calm down. I don't want to discuss about
it this early, it's like worrying a plane falling on our head. You
need to have faith." He answered, "No matter what your decision is,
I will support you with all my heart." "You need
to have faith." Papa said. Your Papa always has strong faith, and
it has helped us through a lot of ups and downs.

When I received the DNA test
result by email, I called your Papa immediately, I was shouting on
the phone, "She is fine! She is fine! And she is a girl!!!" Papa
and I both cried, we were overjoyed by the news of your health, as
well as your gender. Yes, you are a girl, a girl that your Papa
always wanted. Not all girls in this world are wanted by their
Papas, you are indeed born a lucky one. During our 20th week
ultrasound, Mama was lying on the table watching you from the
screen, you are such an active little girl, you were moving,
flipping, stretching and kicking nonstop like a true Kung Fu
master. For a moment there I couldn't stop myself thinking how
lucky you are. "A boy or a girl?" To a surprisingly large amount of
parents, that is the only thing they ever care about for pregnancy.
Although the gender is fixed at the moment of conception, it takes
20 weeks for a fetus to fully form his/her sex organ. Which means
even around 18th to 19th week, a boy or a girl's sex organ could
look exactly the same in ultrasound image, same size same shape,
some girls' even bigger than boys'. To tell for sure it's a boy or
a girl, one has to wait for at least 20 weeks. 20 weeks of
developing, it's a little human being already, all of her organs
are in shape, some of them already functioning. After 4 more weeks
she would survive outside mother's womb under medical help. She has
been hearing her environment for a month now, she would suck her
fingers for fun, swallow amniotic fluid for practice. Maybe she
already knows how to smile when you talk to her through mother's
tummy. But a lot of healthy girls wouldn't survive after coming
this far, their Papas and Mamas decide to kill them, just because
they are girls, not boys. Looking at how lively you are from the
screen, Mama can't stop thinking about the girls that were killed
and being killed, and Mama can't help crying.

Yes my little girl, you will
surely find out one day, the world you are going to be born into,
it's not a perfect place for girls. It is not now, it has never
been, and we can only hope for a better future. Till very recently,
the world's most famous scientists, explorers, historians, artists,
musicians, philosophers, rulers and leaders are 99.99% men, the
world was only run by men. Men are still ruling the world no doubt,
but after years of years feminist movements, in some parts of the
world, women started to participate in roles such as making the
rules. However if you look at the population, majority women in the
world still have nothing to do with making rules but only to obey.
Most of the time women are kept doing what "they do best", giving
birth and taking care of offsprings and whole family, and by the
end of the day, this turns out to bring them less and less respect.
Being a girl, there is much more danger awaits, sexual assault and
harassment, gender inequality and discrimination. Even a woman
grows up unharmed physically and mentally, most probably she will
be put down many times by men's ego later on in her life.
Meanwhile, majority of men still couldn't bear to hear the word
"feminist", which just means a normal person who thinks women
deserve a better environment and they deserve equality, and there
is so much to do for them.

Mama is not suggesting
giving birth to your brother and you makes me sad. In fact it is
the most beautiful thing ever happened to Mama, I am grateful for
each every second I am able to spend with you. Giving birth and
taking care of your brother gave me a feeling of being complete.
Now you, my dear daughter, we are going to have so much adventure
together. I believe by looking into your eyes, Mama is able to find
out the little girl in myself, by watching you grow, Mama is going
to reflect myself and find out answers about life. I have always
been a pessimist when it comes to the selfish and greedy nature of
humans. Until one day when I was with your brother that I realized,
a mother can never be selfish towards her babies. Selfless love and
sacrifice, Mama believes that is the key for human race to survive.
Now you see, women is such a powerful gender, mothers and
daughters, even the whole world is letting them down, they can
still generate endless love, to cure the world.

My dear creator Aditi, Mama
wishes you grow into a powerful woman, powerful in a way that you
are full of self respect and confidence. So powerful that you might
get hurt sometimes, but you can always choose to forgive and choose
to love like you were never hurt. The world awaits you to bring
changes, and my Aditi, you are the change and you will make it a
better place for everyone.