Mother. Atheist. Cynic. And all gluten free!

Monthly Archives: May 2015

My poor blog often gets neglected in favour of Facebook, and a lot of what I post there is obviously missed by my readers here. If I have any left. So I would like to present a small collection of the things my children have said and done over the past months for your entertainment!

13th May 2015

I told Ellie that everyone’s naked under their clothes. She goes, “I’m not; I usually wear three layers!”

Evie just came up to me and said, “I smell horrible because I farted. Have a smell of my bottom!”

11th May 2015

Ellie’s teacher tells me that Ellie’s work and improvements often get used as examples for the rest of the class. She’s getting level 16 readers sent home now.

8th May 2015

Me: *wakes Evie up from her nap*
Evie: Hi mum. *yawn*
Me: You’ll have to get up soon so we can go get Ellie from school.
Evie: Poop.

7th May 2015

Apropos of nothing, Evie just said to me, “Mum, I love you too much to flush you away in the toilet!’

4th May 2015

Ellie’s been learning about symmetry at school; she asked me this morning if her bottom was symmetrical.

30th April 2015

Elspeth hit Evelyn with a bangle, breaking the bangle, and now she’s having conniptions because I said I won’t buy her a new one.

28th April 2015

The girls are playing shop, and their economy is totally screwed. Ellie charged Evie “twenty hundred dollars” for a little foam sticker, and then “a single hair” for a wooden building block.

27th April 2015

Evie: If I step in coffee I will get coffee on my shoes and then daddy will have to drink my shoes and that will be funny.

22nd April 2015

Playing doctors with Evie, and she assures me that there is a lion living in my throat and that’s why my leg is sore.

21st April 2015

Ellie saw me taking my anti-depressant this morning and asked me what it was for. I told her it was medicine to stop me being sad and cranky, so she started pouting and stomping her foot and saying she needed some too!

15th April 2015

Ellie just said to me, “My tummy is really really really sick, I must be having a baby.”

11th April 2015

Evie: My finger hurts when I touch people.
Me: So don’t touch people.
Evie: But I have hands.

Ellie was trying to get Evie interested in various toys and games, and Evie said, “All I want to do is make a mess!” Ellie replied enthusiastically, “Okay!”

27th March 2015

I read Ellie the little bit from the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy about how to fly. Now she’s jumping off the couch trying to miss the floor.

22nd March 2015

Evie: I did two poos! Not four or three, or five or eighteen.

19th March 2015

The girls have started calling themselves Science Princesses. I have no idea exactly what that means, but it’s awesome.

14th March 2015

Evie was in the bath when she decided she needed to wee. She told Aidan, “I want you to dry my bum so the wee doesn’t get wet!”

3rd March 2015

Elspeth has been getting quite upset lately, telling me, “I want to be a grown up NOW!!!” When asked why, she says, “I want to have a chicken farm and have fresh eggs for breakfast every morning.”