#23. Go Judy Go!!!

Who the hell goes to a con in a hatchback?
Judy does
The trip was paid for by Bill
What a thrill
The hatchback was painted an inappropriate colour of green
Some of the older members of the congregation found it offensive
That’s because they have bad taste
That was just Judy’s opinion
Her opinion of the food served at the neighbourhood potluck
The food was missing the dainty mixture of spices from east and west, which appealed to the crude taste of hipper youth group members
Damn Judy was mad
The green hatchback was roaring down Boundary Road, past the so-called sea shell gas station
They were trying to get to the con before the ridiculous 4:02pm lock in time
Who the hell has a lock in at 4:02 anyway?
Just then the shack on wheels showed up with Stephen and Albert to save the day
The shack always gets you there on time
But sometimes you arrive tied up in rough hay from a farmers field
But other times you arrive with a pack of licorice and free movie rentals for all your guests
When they got there, Bill put on his chicken suit, and prepared to storm the doors with Stephen and Albert
Who the hell are those guys anyway?
That’s when they were hit by sponges
At first, Judy was angry
Then she got excited
It was time for a lawsuit
She hadn’t filed one of those in weeks
They piled back into the shack, and headed for the offices of their favourite law firm, Ojie-Mulloid Touche And Wife
Ojie-Mulloid Touche was there to greet them with flippers on
But who the fuck is his wife anyway?
She’s always at the North Pole
I sure hope she gets her act together this year or a lot of little children are going to be very disappointed
Disappointed if they don’t hear the screeching of the shack on wheels pulled by eight tiny jarks on their roof that special morning
But Mrs. Touche came through big time, bringing them all gift certificates printed on fresh Swiss cheese
Of course they were gift certificates to the underground dining sensation, Broneil’s All Day Breakfast Falafel Emporium

P.S. Judy will now be taking a break for the holiday season, but she will return in the new year to try her case on the popular prime-time TV show, Judging Judy, featuring cases BY Judy’s or AGAINST Judy’s

About

The Judy Story Poems (TJSP) began in the early 2000s and to date there have been over 80 of them written. For “Clueless Judies” (those unfamiliar with TJSP) TJSP are an ongoing poetry series set in a zany Unitarian Universalist universe. They centre on a young person named Judy who is totally chute, quite ogreish and very much a giantess and just happens to live in an unnamed suburb of Buffalo, NY, USA. They also include some of Judy’s friends like the very wacky Frank, Glenn and Bill. Read the rest here.