Quiz: You’re a UConn College Republican, Can You Protect Ben Shapiro from Liberal Cucks?

If there’s anything we’ve learned in the past year it’s that the older we get, the harder it is to learn from our mistakes. Take our friend Lucian Wintrich for example; his event “It’s OK to be White” was the root cause of two arrests and a broken window, as well as literal riot groups we thought only existed in Shrek. Bad shit you’d want to avoid, right? Well, UConn obviously hasn’t learned from that mistake by inviting Lucian Wint-prick part 2: conservative so-and-so Ben Shapiro. Excited? Then this quiz is just for you.

500 copies of Ben Shapiro’s book “Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America’s Youth” show up to your dorm. While you're an elevated GOP boy, the rest of your neighbors are brainwashed liberal soy boys. To save the books from a communal bonfire you:

Shove them all into the now-secret meeting place of the Uconn College Republicans for protection.

Take them all for yourself, only to have your Nazism questioned during room inspections.

Correct!

Wrong!

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You see Ben Shapiro dressed in a black hoodie and shades trying to get a Student Union meal before his speech. You:

Give him an Eastern hoodie so you know no one will come near him.

Sit at his table with a copy of his book begging for a signature.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Protestors are gathered outside Laurel Hall where he’s about to walk in. You see a student with a rock in hand ready to shatter another window, or Ben’s, soft, delicate face. You:

Jump in front of the line of trajectory

Scream to Shapiro to watch out, causing the angry mob to shimmy over your way instead.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Uh oh, a small middle-aged woman with glasses is making her way to the podium. What do you do?

Get your camera out to film, this will be great fodder for The Daily Wire, and maybe Ben will follow you on Gab!

Correct!

Wrong!

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During the speech students begin chanting "Alt-Right!" and "Racist!" Oh how you dreaded this the first time. You:

Send a paper airplane note to his podium telling him to "GET THE FUCK OUT VIRAL SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN."

Cry "he's not racist it's called free speech!" but, you know, without sounding like a snowflake.

Correct!

Wrong!

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With the help of Susan’s handy new Pre-Event Review Process, everything has gone over smoothly. All that’s left is the final walk from Laurel to Shapiro’s car, making sure he gets away without a scratch. You:

Set up your portable DIY velvet ropes to lead him a pathway in peace.

You’re not there, because your scared ass is still hiding behind your passive aggressive tweets from the last Republican event.