Rooney may seek higher wage in public sector as climate change diversity officer

Wayne Rooney has threatened to quit Manchester United, as he seeks financial parity with equally blinkered wage earners of his own age. Rooney is said to have become jealous when he heard how much diversity officers and climate change outreach co-orindators are earning at Lambeth Council.

Martin Veitch, who was instrumental in Lambeth Council's draw with Carbon Dioxide (he scored a dramatic equaliser by erecting a sign that said Emission Free Zone) is said to be earning a hundred thousand pounds a week for his political footballing. Rooney is understood to have asked his agent if he coud transfer into this league. The feedback from his contacts was that there are many paralllels with Wayne's current career. 'Interviewers never ask you any difficult questions in this game,' said a source. 'Especially if you're up against the BBC.'