Hi all. :waving: I'm new here at LHC . I love reading all the helpful tips and advice and I can't get over the amount of beautiful hair you all have! But I have a question ... What would you do if you hubby or significant other really didn't like long hair?

I would love to have mine at waist /tailbone level with no layers and blunt ends ( I'm at about BSL with layers from mid neck down on fine/med wavy hair right now...haven't really "typed" my hair yet) but my hubby just doesn't like that idea at all! He likes it about where it is now or much shorter ( for example "Pinks" hair and Halle Berry /pixie style (which I have had before)

So needless to say I can't have really long hair "IF" I want my hubby to like it. What would you do in this situation keep it long because you like it even if he hates it?

*sigh* why can't hubby just be like every other long hair lovin' guy I know :rolleyes:

Avvoltoio

November 11th, 2010, 12:31 AM

in your place i would definiately keep the hair longl or continue grow. Try to talk with him you like long hair, and you would hate the shorter length, and it is your body, your decision.

The other case, if there would be a break up with him, you would regret the haircut.

WinterInBloom

November 11th, 2010, 12:42 AM

If it were me I would continue to grow my hair out, that's what I'm doing actually. I'm growing my hair out for me though, I feel it's more important that I be happy with my hair more than anyone else. You never know, your hubby might like it later on and not want you to ever cut it. I'm guessing he's never seen you with really long hair so he could change his mind about it when you get there.

My husband also likes my hair shorter best. I had hair that came to about the middle of my neck or so, layered, and i usually wore it with the ends flipped out. He's also never seen me with really long hair so he does admit that he won't know how much he likes it until he sees it. Plus he doesn't actually hate my BSL hair, he likes it a lot, it's just a matter of what he likes best out of all the styles I've had.

luxepiggy

November 11th, 2010, 12:43 AM

I had 2 serious boyfriends who preferred short hair. One was always after me to bleach my hair blonde. I happen to prefer long hair on men . . . so I told them I would cut an inch for every inch they grew . . . sneaky piggy! hehe (^(oo)^)

Put it this way - it's your hair. I'm sure there are other things about you that he would like to change, and vice versa, KWIM? He's not going to divorce you if you grow your hair out. Plus, some people are just resistant to change - he may change his mind once you actually get there, KWIM?

(^(oo)^)v

Lamb

November 11th, 2010, 12:49 AM

If he liked the pixie, he'll probably like updos. ;)

Lianna

November 11th, 2010, 01:39 AM

I would grow it because I like long hair. My DBF has long hair, but I really don't care if his is or not. I think you're lucky to have a husband that likes short hair, because every other men don't, and wouldn't date someone with short hair, and some even find it repulsive, which is a little shallow...what if you couldn't grow long hair, or eventually lost it, or thinned and had to cut? I would rather have a husband who likes short hair than one of those shallow ones...

You could always do styles that appear shorter (around him at least), it's so much easier to keep the hair shorter when longer, than longer when short.

I know I would feel miserable if my BF would be expecting my hair to grow and it didn't grew (breakage or had to cut damage), or doesn't grow fast enough, it takes years right..because he prefers long hair. Oh well, I can only dream, my BF prefers long hair, not too long though, he says TB (my goal) is really long, but tells me to do what makes me happy. I know I would feel prettier if my BF liked short hair, because I have short hair now. Doesn't need to 'prefer' it, just like. I don't know *exactly* what he thinks of my hair though. He knows I'm hair obssessed, that's for sure.

Nat242

November 11th, 2010, 01:52 AM

We've had this discussion before on LHC, and there are generally two points of view:

1. It's your body, do with it what you want

2. If it's not a big sacrifice, you should do what you can to conform to the ideals of your partner

If it were me, I'd probably keep my hair the way I preferred it, but I'd buy a wig in the style/colour that my partner liked and I'd wear that for him sometimes.

RachelRain

November 11th, 2010, 01:53 AM

Most of my boyfriend's didn't like long hair... my outlook was 'I'm sorry you don't like it and I'll take that into consideration but I'm not chopping it off just so you feel better.' It's still my head. :shrug: Luckily most of them didn't really *care* all that much about it either, it was a sort of mention once and forget about it. There were (and are) more important things to worry about.

The guy I'm with now probably couldn't care less. He doesn't want me to cut it, but then, he saw the near hysterics I threw when I had to cut off eight inches. I think that in itself may have pulled him to the long hair side, because if I freak and say I'm going for the scissors he'll block the doorway. :)

Dragon

November 11th, 2010, 03:28 AM

If I was with some one who diden't like long hair, I would keep it long as I'm growing it for me.

Igor

November 11th, 2010, 05:09 AM

So what if he doesn’t? You are two separate persons. You have different opinions on other things. You have different likes and dislikes. Or cant you have different opinions from him or are different likes not allowed either?
If he loves you and doesn’t see you as something to decorate his world, he will learn to love your hair too because it’s you and it makes you happy.
If this sounds harsh, sorry, but that’s the truth. I was there myself. I almost married a guy that wouldn’t shut up and kept nagging me to cut my hair short.
Guess what; if he can’t get over that you are doing something you want to do with your body and appearance, he is not worthy of being your husband. You are not an extension of him. You are allowed to be your own person and you are allowed to do things that make you happy.

jojo

November 11th, 2010, 05:14 AM

Tough if he doesn't like it, its my head and my choice no man would dictate to me how to wear my hair...simple!

tinygirl

November 11th, 2010, 05:15 AM

Luckily, my DBF loves my long hair but if I had a boyfriend who wanted me to chop my hair off, no way would I do it to please him!
It's your hair and ultimately, you have to do what makes you happy. He should be happy that you're happy, if that makes sense?

Dreams_in_Pink

November 11th, 2010, 05:19 AM

If you want to grow, then grow. That's a preference of yours so he should respect. He doesn't love you just for your hair, right? :)

patti

November 11th, 2010, 05:34 AM

The issue is the intesity of his objection. If he just says in passing - "I would rather you have short hair" that's one thing. If he "insists" you have short hair - you have a completely different problem babe. In passing, just smile, there are things we all would change in people, right? Why even get bent when someone close to you voices an opinion - blow it off. If he is insistant he is on the verge of being abusive. Telling people how to look - be serious.

rapunzhell13

November 11th, 2010, 05:43 AM

Where on Earth are these men who prefer short hair on women?? I've yet to hear a man (in the "real world") say that he prefers short hair. I know they're out there, but I've yet to hear from one myself.

Mandala

November 11th, 2010, 05:46 AM

My hubby prefers long hair and has asked that I don't cut my hair - he even hates when I trim split ends! But we have come to an agreement since he hates to shave and I like him cleaned up - I don't complain about how often he cuts his hair or shaves and he doesn't complain about how often I do.

So I guess my suggestion is to find a compromise.

ericthegreat

November 11th, 2010, 05:53 AM

I'm really getting tired of seeing threads here that are titled "What if my wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't like long hair?" It really disappoints me that more people just don't have the spine to stand up for their own convictions and desires.

Its your body. Only you should have the final say in how you wish to present yourself. If you happen to be with a partner who doesn't support such an important part of you, why on Earth would you even want to continue being with such a person???? I would personally show such a person the front door.

Maybe its just me, but I would only be with somebody who loves everything about me, or at least he would love my personality and respect anything I wish to do or express myself with. Someone who doesn't do that will either leave you soon enough anyway, or worse they will continue to be in a relationship with you only to continue torturing you about it.

mrs_coffee

November 11th, 2010, 06:27 AM

I would probably do what I wanted to. Would you expect him to conform to your standards of male beauty?

My husband really likes short hair because to him it's "cute" and different and puts a pretty face on display. I'm talking Pink and Halle Berry short, too. He doesn't consider shoulder-length hair short. But ultimately he likes whatever makes me happy. I think if you feel good and confident about yourself it will rub off on other people.

FrannyG

November 11th, 2010, 07:05 AM

I think that how I feel about myself and the way I look is ultimately better for everyone in my life. If I feel good about the way I look, I am usually feeling more confident and attractive. That is a good thing.

I've had short haircuts that have made me feel good for a short period of time, and then I just feel dowdy, no matter how I style it. I find when I'm unhappy with a haircut, I'm just not as happy a person. Ultimately, that affects how I relate to people. Does that make any sense?

Don't forget that your hair is not going to reach waist length or tail-bone length overnight. It's going to be a process that takes a while. Likely your man won't even notice it getting longer. Most men in the real world cant distinguish long hair from longer hair.

My advice is to wear your hair in a way that makes you feel good. If growing it longer makes you feel attractive or special, then it will benefit hubby in the long run. Wishing you well with your journey. :blossom:

mali

November 11th, 2010, 07:07 AM

''Screw him'',it's your body,your hair.If he likes short hair on women and doesn't support you on your hair growing journey ,YOU should find another husband.

Second Growth

November 11th, 2010, 07:08 AM

Interesting. He gets to control your hair length. Have you tried telling him how you would like him to wear his hair? Pick something he wouldn't be comfortable with and tell him that's what you really want. You then have to explain to him that how he feels about it is how you feel when he tells you how to wear yours. Maybe that would work.

Second Growth

littlenvy

November 11th, 2010, 07:17 AM

:) I'm in this boat.
My hubby used to be a hairstylist so he really likes well CUT hair, no longer than APL.
He thinks that anything beyond that is too long and never looks "well kept".
*sigh*

Now ask me if I care.
NO I DON'T :cheese:
I respect the fact that HE doesn't like long hair; I, on the other hand, do and I would like to try to grow mine out.
I just tell him that HE doesn't have to grow long hair with me, he can go ahead and keep his short :p

rags

November 11th, 2010, 07:25 AM

Not everyone is in a relationship that operates the way the majority of todays seem to. And that's okay. I'm not. We have a very traditional relationship, and I defer to him. And I just chopped my just touching BSL hair to not quite a pixie (two weeks ago). Because he wanted me to. He's never in 26 years seen me with short hair (because I've never had it!) and wanted to see it! Plus my hair was damaged. He loves the short cut, but is fine with me growing it back out now.

I don't like the cut, I'm a longhair at heart, but hair grows. And now that he's seen it, and how much I dislike it (which I'm not always the best at communicating beforehand :rolleyes: ) he's fine with me growing it back out. He likes it both ways. Would I cut it again or even keep it short? Yes, but I'd like to keep it at shoulders or longer. He's fine with that. :shrug:

If that's not the way your relationship works, fine. But it's hurtful to see all these comments on here when some of us DO. I've been quite happily married for almost 26 years; I'm not about to ditch the man over hair, for goodness sake! ETA: Though I'm apparently not above coming on LHC right after the haircut and whining to some of my friends about it! :p /end ETA

For the OP - If he doesn't have an extremely strong preference, I'd grow it. He may grow to like it, and if not and you both decide it's what you want, you can always cut it again. He doesn't know if he likes it until he sees it, after all!

ETA: I also believe that it has to go by how absolutely important it is to both of you. DH will never ask me to cut mine this short again, as having longer hair is quite important to me (well, we neither one really know HOW much beforehand, as I'd never had very short hair before!). If it's extremely important to you and only a whim to him, then I'd talk to him about it.

xoxophelia

November 11th, 2010, 07:33 AM

I'll agree with some of the others that it is all about the degree of your convictions. How important is growing your hair out to you? How important is hair length to him? Reality is that some people are even disgusted by long hair and if that was the case for him, to the point where it was a large turn off (and I was already married), I wouldn't grow it *much* longer. I would pick a middle length.

That being said, you will just have to find out how he feels. The best way to do this might be to slowly grow your hair..there is no fast way to do it anyways, and see how he adjusts.

Anje

November 11th, 2010, 07:35 AM

Honestly, I'd say it wasn't his decision to make. If he really had a problem, like a phobia or or something, with long hair, I might consider cutting. But it would be out of love and trying to accommodate my spouse, not because he has a say over what I do with my hair.

FWIW, Mine was rather skeptical about me growing it past about BSL. But he likes it at tailbone better than any other length he's seen on me.

enfys

November 11th, 2010, 08:07 AM

Have you ever had it longer? Some men don't like the unknown.
Has he had a bad experience with long hair? Did a previous GF really neglect her hair as well as letting it grow long and that's what he doesn't want to see.
Did he not fancy Halle Berry with her amazing long curls? Is it really just the hair?
Do you wear your hair up? One of the things we hear most is "what's the point of long hair if you always wear it up?". Why? Because an updo looks like short hair!
Has anything else changed from when you had short hair. Was it before you had kids so you had more energy? Did you change colour as well as cut? Maybe he prefers an ideal he it thinking of from the past.

Now that I've given you a million questions to think about, I can say that my DH was hesitant about me growing super long hair. After witnessing an incident with his (neglected) cousin when she was young the thought of toilet length hair almost literally made him ill. Now he understands it's nothing like that was, and he's encouraging me to consider knee length!

I think you need to sit and have a talk. We are just a bunch of people off the internet with all kinds of relationship dynamics to yours.
ETA: I didn't mean you should have posted this! I just meant we can't answer it. Hopefully you've got plenty to think about and discuss :flower:

DARKMARTIAN

November 11th, 2010, 08:16 AM

Simple....

Id just tell him I was switching back to women! :p

irisheyes

November 11th, 2010, 08:35 AM

I wonder if he wants you in short hair to decrease your attractiveness to other men? Does he also discourage some of your clothing choices? Does he dislike it when you wear makeup?

lapushka

November 11th, 2010, 08:38 AM

:shrug: Well, we all have our preferences, but it would be another thing altogether to impose those preferences on someone else. That, for me, would make the difference between loving husband and total jerk.

It's more important to be happy and comfortable with yourself. That's all that should matter to your husband.

I'm one of those women who thinks that women's stuff should be left to women and that men shouldn't be interfering when it comes to those things.

Carolyn

November 11th, 2010, 08:44 AM

First of all I wouldn't be discussing my hair growing project with him. I never mention hair around here. I don't talk about what I'm doing to it and what my goals are. I don't bring attention to it. It's mine and it's for me. If he ever said something about liking short hair on women I'd give him a flippant reply like "well if you like it so much, go find yourself a short haired girlfriend". Mine wouldn't persist as he knows better than to do that but if he did, I would be like "you can blah blah blah and now STFU". Yeah I'm like that :D

marzipanthecat

November 11th, 2010, 08:46 AM

OK, I understand this is an emotive topic. I was merely going to answer this from my own point of view. (I'm very much of the opinion that everyone should live their own lives however they fancy, as long as they don't force me to live their way too!)

My own personal thing: First of all, I seem to be very lucky in that my husband doesn't tell me (or even ask me) to look any particular way. Which is just as well, because I would not do it. I don't mean in a snotty "I won't do what you tell me!" sort of attitude, more of a "I'm doing whatever I want, it isn't hurting you, I'm just going to get on with myself" manner.

I did have several boyfriends (way before I met my husband) who most certainly did not like my hair - which is kind of strange, now I look back on it, because I've always had fairly long hair (BSL and longer most of my life). It's not like it was some new fad they were seeing. But I never cut it for any of them. Or dyed it (my hair colour is kind of gingery, which doesn't really come across in my profile picture, and ginger hair is a very divisive subject in the UK). It was never such a big issue for me as it was for them.

I would merely suggest that you politely say that you would like to grow your hair long, and see how you get on with it. (I'm a big fan of simply telling things simply and politely, probably because I can't get worked up about all sorts of stuff!)

Catia

November 11th, 2010, 08:46 AM

I wonder if he wants you in short hair to decrease your attractiveness to other men? Does he also discourage some of your clothing choices? Does he dislike it when you wear makeup?

An amazingly good point!

Babyfine

November 11th, 2010, 08:52 AM

Well, my hubby doesn't care much for my updo's but I wear them anyway-have to
or my fine, lightwieght hair would get too tangled.(He doesn't like pixies on me either.)
Hubby also either likes my natural haircolor-lt-med brown with a little silver
or blonde highlights but I still color my hair a deep auburn. But he's learned that if I ain't happy-he ain't happyLOL
I do compromise by taking my hair down when he comes home.
From reading your post I didn't get the impression that hubby would object if you grew your hair long. Just that he would prefer a pixie, right?
Tell him you want to grow your hair long to see if you would like it.
And I agree with the poster who said if he likes pixies, he would probably like updos.

LawyerGirl

November 11th, 2010, 09:16 AM

DF is allowed to have his opinion, but it's MY hair, so I imagine I'd keep it how I liked it. If he had specific reasons for being annoyed with long hair, however, (hair in drains, hair in his face when we slept, etc) I'd be sensitive to that and I'd be sure to minimize the negatives for him because I love him. :)

BeautifulBella

November 11th, 2010, 09:22 AM

if my significant other didn't like long hair... i honestly wouldn't care... because the men I always seem to end up with are dogs & most likely wont be around for long. at least i will have my hair to comfort me when i kick him to the curb.

but if you are in a marriage & happy, i think its important to look good for your hubby. so if he prefers a certain type of hairstyle i think its way better to do what he likes. you don't want him to go out and cheat with someone who has pinks or halle berrys hairstyle!!!

just think about how you feel when he wears something you don't like. i think its very important, but in a committed relationship only.

Igor

November 11th, 2010, 09:26 AM

but if you are in a marriage & happy, i think its important to look good for your hubby. so if he prefers a certain type of hairstyle i think its way better to do what he likes. you don't want him to go out and cheat with someone who has pinks or halle berrys hairstyle!!!

Uhm, wow. On behalf on the good men of this planet, I’m offended that anyone would think they are that easy… :agape:

spidermom

November 11th, 2010, 09:29 AM

If he liked the pixie, he'll probably like updos. ;)

This. The overall visual effect is very similar, especially if you keep a little face-framing fringe.

My husband keeps his hair very short, which I don't like (although I love him), and when I asked him if he'd wear it a little longer, he told me he'd keep his hair how he likes it. So if he didn't like my long hair, I'd tell him the same thing. But he does, so no worries.

Juneii

November 11th, 2010, 09:29 AM

oh too bad, it's my body and my appearance. Having long hair makes me happy and if he really cares about me he would let this detail slide.

lapushka

November 11th, 2010, 09:31 AM

but if you are in a marriage & happy, i think its important to look good for your hubby. so if he prefers a certain type of hairstyle i think its way better to do what he likes. you don't want him to go out and cheat with someone who has pinks or halle berrys hairstyle!!!

OMG. Are you serious? "Do what he likes?" It's 2010, you know. If that's a reason for cheating on someone, well... good riddance. :roll: Better kick that one to the curb as well. :)

Carolyn

November 11th, 2010, 09:34 AM

just think about how you feel when he wears something you don't like. i think its very important, but in a committed relationship only.Mr Cranky does that every day. I don't say anything because I know he's not going to change just as I am not about to change for him. I can't imagine being in a relationship where his opinion would make me want to change my hair. My hair is here to stay. He might not be :D

Atlantic

November 11th, 2010, 09:38 AM

If that's not the way your relationship works, fine. But it's hurtful to see all these comments on here when some of us DO. I've been quite happily married for almost 26 years; I'm not about to ditch the man over hair, for goodness sake!

What Rags said. And I also find it very peculiar that so many posters seem to assume that such issues only ever come up from men to women. Personally, I have a couple of strong dislikes regarding men's facial hair and my DH certainly defers to my preferences there. (Right now he has facial hair that I'm "meh" about, but it's not a big deal and he has said he won't keep it that way forever.)

Katurday

November 11th, 2010, 10:11 AM

I don't understand women who are very attached to their hair yet cut it for their men, "traditional"(or whatever you mean by that little gem) relationships aside - it seems like that relationship doesn't have a lot of love. I understand a woman who is a bit experimental, or has no preference to her hair to make her husband happy. But cut it short for her husband and be miserable? Doesn't it kinda mean that -cough- his opinion is more valuable and that she is like property? I've met some extreme people in that department (long story short some quite enjoy being "property") and even people in fringe relationships like that get to keep a lot of their preferences because their dominant SO wants them happy.

DBF prefers my hair the way I do because I tend to be honest about its looks. When I was growing it out, he hated the idea of it but that was due to awkward stages, then it got pretty and he loved and petted it. Then when I said I'd cut it off to a bob, he was supportive but petted my long hair to enjoy it (sorta like mourning). Now at a bob he loves it again because its very cute on me and he can run his fingers through it (it was tangly before).

EDIT: I am in no way criticising "traditional" yet LOVING relationships, nor am I criticsing women whom chose to cut their hair for their husbands if the process didn't kill them on the inside or anything. I only criticise when people are downright selfish and cruel, demanding something that would only make the other person miserable.

little_cherry

November 11th, 2010, 10:12 AM

If long hair means that much to you, I would sit down and talk to him about it. I'm sure he does or has things that you're not too fond of. ;)

AnnaJamila

November 11th, 2010, 10:25 AM

Haha, my husband would flip (though to his credit he would do his very best to hide it) if I chopped off all my hair. He will literally sit there for hours and run his fingers through it even though right now it's really short (bsl++). (I grow my hair and then cut it and HATE it two days later, so why did I cut it this time? Because I is stoopid...) Personally, I defer to my husband. No, I don't just walk around with my head down murmering "Yes, dear." Or perhaps more appropriate in my circustances " نام حبيبي" ِAs a Muslim woman who covers up her beautiful hair, I get a lot of stereotypical "Oh you poor oppressed woman, your husband is such a pig!" glances of ignorant sympathy. I have had random people come up to me and say, "Why do you think you have to cover your hair?" and I say, "Why do YOU think you have to cover your crotch?" Perhaps not the most genteel way to go about it but it gets the job done. And they leave. Though I have had people follow me through the store just so they can watch me and creep me out. Usually groups of teenaged boys or unaccompanied middle aged men. I digress. In my opinion, the reason I make myself beautiful is first God, then myself, then my husband, then my family and friends. But on that same token, if I'm doing something that I like and my husband absolutely loaths, whats the point? Who else am I trying to look beautiful for? That random guy in a parking lot that looks up and watches appreciatively until I get in the car? My boss so that I can advance in a career? There are those who would say, "You should look beautiful for yourself," but when you know your husband is lukewarm about the way you look, how beautiful do you really feel? My husband is so important to me; he takes care of me so I do what I can to please him. Now if he was trying to control me that's something COMPLETELY different. But as your husband he has every right to say, "I like it when you..." just as you have every right to do the same. To me it doesn't sound like he's trying to control you, he was just making a comment. I'd just make an agreement that I'd grow my hair and we'd reasses things when we got there. Anyway, there is my long winded response and random rant! Haha, hope you could make a little sense from it!

Catia

November 11th, 2010, 10:25 AM

This whole matter is soooo subjective.

If long hair ISN'T a big part of your identity - then it isn't a big rejection (yes, that's what it is IMO). And by "identity" I don't mean that you've always had long hair. It could simply be a strong desire that you have been afraid/unable to fulfill.

If long hair IS a big part of your identity, then yes, that could be one mother of a rejection. Those who chime in saying it's basically no biggie, well, it probably isn't a big (or even medium) part of who you are. It's all relative. And while it can be argued that it is an aesthetic issue (and therefore not worth hurting a relationship over) it is and it isn't. I mean, I don't have as strong a connection to my clothes and makeup as I do my hair, but if hubby said he only found me attractive in bib overalls and no makeup - I would walk around a pretty angry person because that does not reflect who I am either. Heck. Hubby IS currently trying to talk me into getting a 'soccer Mom' SUV type vehicle, and while I can see the validity of his argument(and sometimes waver), I would wither up and die if I had chip away at who I am - one compromise at a time. I have a strong sense of who I am, and it doesn't harm another single person to express that.

I do, on the other hand, understand wanting[needing] to be found attractive by your mate. It is a big deal and I wouldn't be happy knowing he found me lacking. However, if you really love someone - their quirks become attractive because they are part of that person. I think HIS appropriate reaction should be a smile and shrug. I seem to be thinking out loud here ... but I do think this comes down to rejection that isn't just about hair.

It's not a simple "Do it/Don't do it" answer. And I highly agree this needs to be discussed, but first evaluate how you feel about it first.

Now the above is my well thought out, nice answer ... and the one I stand behind :). If you are asking MY personal reaction if Hubby told me he didn't like my hair long and wanted it short? I would politely tell Hubby to go suck it. Then go find another Hubby.... But that's just me ;)

Avital88

November 11th, 2010, 10:34 AM

ooooh this is so stressfull.
My boyfriend is all the time asking me to cut a pixie!! While i just looooove my hair long and feel so much better with hair at least at bsl.
Just keep on growing and do your own thing,if he doesnt recognize the beauty of luscious locks doesnt mean you have to keep your hair short..
do what you want,its your hair after all:p
Take care and good luck!

mariika

November 11th, 2010, 10:42 AM

I don't really know your situation, Tia, but a friend of mine once had a similar situation. her hubby wanted her to cut her hair in fashion she had it whe they met. but it's not that he didn't like her hair (as he thought), it's that he wanted her to be the way she used to be when they met (because she changed a lot since then). So sometimes, Tia, it's not the hair.

GRU

November 11th, 2010, 10:47 AM

What would you do if you hubby or significant other really didn't like long hair?

Simple answer: Be single. :D

Atlantic

November 11th, 2010, 10:57 AM

Those who chime in saying it's basically no biggie, well, it probably isn't a big (or even medium) part of who you are. It's all relative. And while it can be argued that it is an aesthetic issue (and therefore not worth hurting a relationship over) it is and it isn't.

I agree with you that a lot of this is very subjective. However, for myself at least, my long hair is very important to me....it's just that it really still is only hair and my husband, and my wanting to look sexy for my husband, is still way more important that.

In one way I'm in an easy position – DH and I have been together 23 years, I've had long hair the whole time he's known me, and I know he doesn't like short hair on women, so the chances of him asking me to chop it off is incredibly low.

On the other hand, if anything happened to him, I'd probably try to take the veil...and if that worked out, I'd have to cut my hair short. And I really, really hate the idea of doing that. But I'd do it anyway.

mariika

November 11th, 2010, 10:58 AM

Simple....

Id just tell him I was switching back to women! :p
Simple answer: Be single. :D

HAHAHA)))

I wonder if he wants you in short hair to decrease your attractiveness to other men? Does he also discourage some of your clothing choices? Does he dislike it when you wear makeup?
That's what my father did to my mother.

Doesn't it kinda mean that -cough- his opinion is more valuable and that she is like property?
Guys who give opinions on my life during first date do not EVER get to second date. So I don't think I will experience a hubby not liking my hair. My hair is not a dress he asks me to wear for one night, my hair is something that takes forever to grow, it's very valuable, if he can't respect that - what are we even doing in such a relationship??

Tia2010

November 11th, 2010, 11:11 AM

Hi all :) Thanks for the many replies ! I guess I should explain a bit more so no one thinks have an oppressive, domineering hubby !

We have been together for almost 20 years and three kids so he really wouldn't throw a fit and leave no matter what I did to my hair :). I just asked his opinion on growing it really long and he was truthful with me. He just doesn't like the look of really long hair. But as some have said he has never seen me in that length so his opinion may change as it grows.

I had long(ish) hair when we first met (BSL) but it was severely damaged and bleached blond and just crazy looking ( hey it was the 80's ) so I chopped it all of in sort of a pixie do . Over the past years I have grown and cut and colored it many times ( from pixie with blond and pink to BSL and black) and he would never say anything either way unless I ask his opinion , which I usually do because I just like to know what he thinks :) I mean lets face it we all want to look nice for our other half :)

He would never dream of telling me not to grow it if it's what I want . I just wondered if any one else was in the same boat . Where your hubby said he just didn't like reallly long hair.

And yes he does do things I ask him to do.... He had a mustache when we met ( which I don't care for at all...unless your Tom Selleck ) so he shaved it and has been clean shaven ever since. Would I leave if he grew it back , NO ! But he keeps clean shaven because he knows i like it. So it's all give and take. I don't want him to come off sounding like he would forbid it or walk out over my hair :)

I think I will just grow it and see what he thinks when its at waist/tailbone...who knows he may end up loving all that hair! :D

spidermom

November 11th, 2010, 11:14 AM

You're right. Some people don't know what they don't like. My daughter (age 25) used to say that hair longer than about waist length would be too weird and not look good. Now that my hair is nearly classic length, she won't even listen when I complain that I want to cut it. She just stops up her ears and says "no-no-no-no".

Igor

November 11th, 2010, 11:26 AM

I just asked his opinion on growing it really long and he was truthful with me. He just doesn't like the look of really long hair. But as some have said he has never seen me in that length so his opinion may change as it grows.

That happened to me with every single boyfriend I ever had (including hubby) :shrug:
When I had barely shoulder length and I mentioned to the boyfriend I had then, that I wanted to grow longer he said “But why? I like your hair the way it is now!”
When I had mid back length and was dating another guy and he learned I wanted it longer he said “That’s freaky long!”
When I had classic length hair and the boyfriend at the time heard… And so on :rolleyes:
You get the point :wink:
I guess it’s a very guy-ish thing. Maybe it’s truly something we should take comfort in: That they like us just the way we are and they don’t really want us to change.
Maybe men are just weird :gabigrin:
Even hubby, whom I met when I was at mid thigh, thought that knee+ length was “freaky”. That of course came from the mouth of a guy who loves my long hair more than I do…

HintOfMint

November 11th, 2010, 11:28 AM

Absolutely right about people not really knowing what they like or don't like. My boyfriend from a few years back thought that my hair was just right at shoulder length and that I shouldn't grow it out. And he ended up loving it more and more the longer it got.

GRU

November 11th, 2010, 11:34 AM

He just doesn't like the look of really long hair.

Has he ever seen HEALTHY long hair that was well-cared for?

I never used to like long hair on guys, because all the guys I've ever seen had NASTY long hair... dirty, dry, scraggly, uncombed, just all-around-nasty.

But having seen pictures of some of the male members here who have mastered the concept of basic hygiene and haircare techniques, I no longer shudder mentally at the thought of long hair on a guy. I still think nasty hair is nasty, no matter what the gender of the person underneath it, but I no longer instantly associate male longhairs with nastiness.

Maybe when your hubby sees your hair gradually become long and healthy and pretty, he'll change his mind....

Tia2010

November 11th, 2010, 11:35 AM

you don't want him to go out and cheat with someone who has pinks or halle berrys hairstyle!!!

.

If he was that shallow then hair would be the least of our issues !:eek:

Angeletti

November 11th, 2010, 01:47 PM

Luckily DH only prefers long hair, but he hates my black hair color and likes it when I have it lighter with bleached highlights (which looks horrible on me in my opinion). The answer to your question though is no I wouldn't change my hair for my husband because they should accept you for who you are when it comes to hair and things like that.

Valdeon

November 11th, 2010, 01:51 PM

So what if he doesn’t? You are two separate persons. You have different opinions on other things. You have different likes and dislikes. Or cant you have different opinions from him or are different likes not allowed either?
If he loves you and doesn’t see you as something to decorate his world, he will learn to love your hair too because it’s you and it makes you happy.
If this sounds harsh, sorry, but that’s the truth. I was there myself. I almost married a guy that wouldn’t shut up and kept nagging me to cut my hair short.
Guess what; if he can’t get over that you are doing something you want to do with your body and appearance, he is not worthy of being your husband. You are not an extension of him. You are allowed to be your own person and you are allowed to do things that make you happy.

Exactly! I second that!

Bene

November 11th, 2010, 02:22 PM

Grow it and don't talk about it. Don't remind him that it's getting longer than he likes. Keep it clean, healthy, nice-looking, and nice-smelling so that he doesn't have any legitimate complaints about it.

Even though you may not mean it like this, every time you bring it up and ask him what he thinks, and then not cut it, it'll just seem to him like you're either trying to change his preferences or that you're asking for his opinion only to do the exact opposite. It's smug and gloating to keep doing that. Do that one too many times, and you'll end up with a partner who actively hates long hair.

Just how a lot of people don't want a partner to keep hounding them to change something, like cutting off long hair, don't be the partner who takes pleasure in being contrary. So, do your own thing, don't talk about it, and it'll everything will run more smoothly.

Coan-Teen

November 11th, 2010, 02:45 PM

My husband also doesn't like long hair. He likes my hair to be somewhere between chin and shoulder length, but he also hasn't seen me with long hair. I think the longest my hair's been around him is APL and that was due to benign neglect on my part. I've asked him once or twice if he would have a problem with me growing it out and the answer has always been, "It's your hair. You can do what you want with it."

Believe me, I understand the desire for his approval but I think just letting it go and growing without asking is a better choice for a couple of reasons.
1. You don't want him to think you don't care about his opinion.
2. Men are creatures of habit, so letting your hair grow without pointing it out helps them just adjust slowly. (i.e. One day he will realize you have hair past BSL and wonder when that happened. :) )

Also you could do what I do and just talk with him about things you're doing for your hair instead of things like goal length. I tell him about new things I'm trying with my hair like CO washing and giving up heat styling, but without emphasis on length. Instead of saying, "This is going to help me get to BSL," I say, "Feel how soft it is." You can still involve him in your hair journey without making it about, "Do you like it this length?"

Plus, he's your husband. Seeing you be happy about the changes in your hair will make him happy. No husband looks at his smiling, happy wife and thinks, "She should get a haircut." =P

Happy growing!

jeanniet

November 11th, 2010, 02:49 PM

I've had my hair short and my husband doesn't really care for short hair, but the most he's ever said was, "Why don't you grow it longer?" I think his hair style is pretty dull, but that's the way he likes it and I'm not going to make a big deal of it. Marriage is about compromise and living with things you might not particularly like. There's no way you'll ever find a life partner who likes every single thing about you and vice versa. So do what you want and don't worry about it. I can't imagine that long hair would be a deal breaker.

TinaDenali

November 11th, 2010, 03:10 PM

Grow it and don't talk about it. Don't remind him that it's getting longer than he likes. Keep it clean, healthy, nice-looking, and nice-smelling so that he doesn't have any legitimate complaints about it.

Even though you may not mean it like this, every time you bring it up and ask him what he thinks, and then not cut it, it'll just seem to him like you're either trying to change his preferences or that you're asking for his opinion only to do the exact opposite. It's smug and gloating to keep doing that. Do that one too many times, and you'll end up with a partner who actively hates long hair.

Just how a lot of people don't want a partner to keep hounding them to change something, like cutting off long hair, don't be the partner who takes pleasure in being contrary. So, do your own thing, don't talk about it, and it'll everything will run more smoothly.

I totally agree with this, what a great point. :D

Aria

November 11th, 2010, 03:28 PM

I had 2 serious boyfriends who preferred short hair. One was always after me to bleach my hair blonde. I happen to prefer long hair on men . . . so I told them I would cut an inch for every inch they grew . . . sneaky piggy! hehe (^(oo)^)

That made me laugh very hard, even if I like short hair on guys.

If my guy didn't like long hair? That's pretty tough. I'm a bigger believer in mutual giving than live and let live. So my decision would be affected a bit by how far he'd go to make me smile, and likely would be on what I consider the shorter side--APL at least. And then I'd have to quit this forum so as not to enable the hair-envy. ;) He'd probably have to be nigh-near perfect to get me back above the shoulder, though.

Luckily, my dear beloved likes long hair on me, although he said something about it being troublesome if it ever became super-long (he said knee as an example). I don't think my hair will get there and I'd probably have some troubles at that length myself, so we're pretty much in a happy agreement. As it is, he likes it down and my current length causes some inconveniences when down, so that may be more the point here.

ddiana1979

November 11th, 2010, 03:30 PM

You never know. He might end up liking it despite his previous objections. Long hair can be really sexy & sensuous. Alternatively, since he's into pixie cuts, he might like really dramatic updos that show off your face. Ask him what he specifically likes about short hair, and see if you can recreate that with your long hair. For example, he might say that pixie cuts show off a woman's eyes. . . so just do a lovely updo & highlight your eyes with complimentary eye shadows & liner.

My long distance dbf (soon to be fiance, I just found out! :D ) grew a goatee while we were away from each other, which I had very serious doubts about. I thought I liked his face the way I always knew him to look, back 10 years ago in college (we haven't aged much apparently, we still look just like the pictures from college). Anyway, when I arrived on a visit, it took me a couple days to get used to it, but now I love it & beg him not to shave it off (not that he would anyway, as he likes it too).

curlymarcia

November 11th, 2010, 03:33 PM

Don't worry. probably your husband is thinking that you look so beautiful right now that doesn't want that you change your hair. But when he looks at you with longer hair he will also like it :) Otherwise be firm about growing, you can also make a "fake bob" once in a while or wearing a short wig ;)

Octave

November 11th, 2010, 03:50 PM

If I had one he would had to accept me for who I am and my hair or he wouldn't be worth it. ;)

<3OnHerSleeve

November 11th, 2010, 03:59 PM

I agree with curlymarcia
Who knows? it's takes a good while to grow hair long and he may just slowly get adjusted without realizing it ;)
If I were in that situation that's what I'd be hoping for. But I do believe in compromise. IF I had a guy who REALLy hated it, and only if it were a really serious relationship, I would agree to go inbetween what he likes and what I like. So I'd probably end up with waist length hair ;) which is very doable for me as after having shaved off my hair once anything is better than that short :S

ladylafee

November 11th, 2010, 04:31 PM

When I met my husband I had a really cute pixie cut and he really liked it short. He prefers short hair and I have been growing mine out for a while now, I am at APL and still growing. He has slowly come to love it. I bought a clip in hair extension when I told him I wanted to grow it out so he could see what it would look like at my goal length. You might want to try that, it really helped my husband see what I would look like with long hair. Give it some time and he will probably grow to love it. :)

DakarNick

November 11th, 2010, 05:22 PM

It's the opposite for me. I love long hair on my wife, she doesn't. Hers is BSL now and prefers it at APL. She has had a bob but says anything above shoulders is short. Anything below BSL is long. Anything between she is happy with. She is growing it out since I told her I'd help her care for it (one reason for joining LHC). But, if she really wants to cut it back, then who am I to say she can't? Would I love to see waist, TB, classic length on her? Heck yeah! But, who knows?

Tiina

November 11th, 2010, 05:32 PM

I wouldn't care. My DH loves long hair but I still kept it short for the first 3 years we were together. It isn't the hair your man should love but you and the whole of you.

Amraann

November 11th, 2010, 05:56 PM

I wouldn't care. My DH loves long hair but I still kept it short for the first 3 years we were together. It isn't the hair your man should love but you and the whole of you.

THIS!

Look... if this guy cares about you then he does.
If you have to lose 20lbs or gain them or cut your hair or grow it... Then he is not worth it.
If I was younger I maybe would care about it. Now being older I realize the only beauty I have is when I feel that way for myself.

All of that being said.... just because he says he prefers short hair does not mean he will love you less if you have long hair. (unless he was emphatic and mean about it)
Maybe he was just sharing a preference?
Not a die hard rule.

Speckla

November 11th, 2010, 06:02 PM

I would have long hair. I would have any length hair I wanted really. I used to keep mine super short and my husband doesn't really like short hair.

Growing a mustache and growing very long hair isn't a good comparison in my opinion. Will be years until I'm happy with my hair (until is long)...Even I can grow a mustache in days.:smirk:

Not a good "favor trade".

Rivanariko

November 11th, 2010, 08:19 PM

I've always had long hair, so there's nothing for an SO to compare it to. Personally, there is no way I'd cut my hair for an SO because it's so much a part of who I am.

Tia2010

November 11th, 2010, 08:35 PM

I also wanted to add that my dh had short hair when we got together.. He knew I loved long hair on men.... so he grew his hair long for me ( down past middle back) and kept it that way . Not until after we were married and he had to cut it for his work did he chop it off. Now his hair has been short for about 16 years. And while he knows I love a long haired man his hair will always be short.

I just wanted to add that so you would know he isn't coming from a place of "Do as I say because I'm the man" . We just both value the others opinions and like to do things for each other. Thats why I ask him before I make a major change...Do I always listen to what he likes...no, but I always value his opinion. ...and to be honest ...he's a man so if I grow it during football season he probably wouldn't even notice :p

Demetrue

November 11th, 2010, 08:56 PM

I guess I think there is no point in asking his opinion on whether he likes "long hair" because the term could mean anything to anybody and a lot of people can not picture the change until they see it for themselves, on your head - AND hair grows so slowly that he probably would not notice it was any longer for months and since the change will be so gradual, he won't need a sudden adjustment period - he will be completely used to it because it happened at such a slow pace. I wouldn't separate out the hair length from the rest of you - just smile and be yourself and he will love what you look like because you will still be YOU and you will be happy about your appearance.

lapushka

November 12th, 2010, 09:35 AM

Do I always listen to what he likes...no, but I always value his opinion. ...and to be honest ...he's a man so if I grow it during football season he probably wouldn't even notice :p

That's the way to go! :lol: :thumbsup:

lhangel9

November 15th, 2010, 10:04 PM

What would you do if you hubby or significant other really didn't like long hair?
:rolleyes:

I'd have my DH sleep on the couch:D

tinywife

November 15th, 2010, 11:29 PM

My husband has had opinions for/against some things (appearance-wise), but he's always very respectful of my ultimate decision. And I've found that whenever I decide to do what I really want, he ends up adoring it. I think it's because I know my body and my style best, so I'm better at predicting what will/won't look pretty on me - and that's what he really wants, not any particular cut/color.

Although I have to agree with AnnaJamila on one important point:
"There are those who would say, 'You should look beautiful for yourself,' but when you know your husband is lukewarm about the way you look, how beautiful do you really feel?"

In the end, though, just relax and remember that there is no wrong answer here. :)

Tia2010

November 16th, 2010, 11:02 AM

Hi all :) well I am still on my journey to waist/tailbone hair but thought I would share a little bit of a conversation I had with dh....

While watching some TV last night one the characters had waist length hair that looked very shiny and pretty. I said oohhh I love her hair! and dh said yeah I like that .... Well color me confused but didn't you say you didn't like really long hair mister? ... then he said to me ... yeah but I didn't think you wanted it like that I thought you just wanted it long ?? HUH !?? Like I has no intention on ever styling my hair or having it look nice as long as it was just long? ( I swear my dh is usually a very intelligent man :p )

When I first told him I wanted long hair his response was... You mean really long , like cultish long ? That was the only long hair reference he had in his mind ...And then he thinks me growing it long meant just long with no style or intentions just as long as it was long.

I guess dh never really thinks much about hair unless I bring him a photo and say.. hey I like this do you? ...but I really didn't think he thought my only options for very long hair were cult member or no style !

I haven't been talking with him about how I want my hair...but I think I may have to have a conversation including pictures of what I want because apparently my dh doesn't get what I have in mind at all ! :rolleyes:

slythwolf

November 16th, 2010, 11:34 AM

If my husband told me he didn't like long hair I would advise him not to grow his out.

Ravenne

November 16th, 2010, 12:33 PM

When the long hair topic came up between me and DBF he said "I like long hair, but I don't know if I'd like it past your hips." That was fine because that was my goal at the time. Now I'm wanting Tailbone and he's grown to accept that length goal I think. He's never made a "not digging it" comment. I think with him it was just a matter of acclimating him to the idea. I had to do that with cloth pads and menstrual cups too. At first he would freak out and then after about a month, he could bring it up in conversation without grimacing. Lol. Just takes time.

But either way, its your hair and frankly the only opinion that matters is yours because you're the one that'll have to deal with it every day.

lapushka

November 16th, 2010, 01:46 PM

I guess dh never really thinks much about hair unless I bring him a photo and say.. hey I like this do you? ...but I really didn't think he thought my only options for very long hair were cult member or no style !

Try searching the net for some images of styles you like. It's what I did and still do sometimes, and I don't have a SO to show it too (well... not that I would). I kind of like the beachy waves, long layered look and so I have a few images of textures, of long layered cuts and even different hair colors (the waves from that pic, the layers from that pic and the color from that pic... nice and confusing :D). You could use the images to show your DH. Maybe it'll put his mind at ease... maybe not. :lol: