TRACI SKENE ON NBC's "LAST COMIC STANDING" (Airdate: July 5, 2010)

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Good The Bad And The Ugly Cholesterol

This afternoon we decided to take advantage of free cholesterol testing being offered by our local CVS pharmacy. We weren't aware, however, that it is necessary to fast in order to get accurate results. The cranky technician became even crankier when she discovered that we had eaten two hours prior to showing up just to ruin her Sunday. Her exact words were, "This is going to be pointless."

We didn't have the heart to tell her that the meal consisted of bacon and eggs. I think she would have exploded.

But since the test was free and we had the added bonus of annoying her even further, we chose to proceed. She was not happy. We were bemused.

I think this means my bad cholesterol is good but my good cholesterol is bad.

The surly technician pretty much told me I was dying. I think it was just wishful thinking on her part.

According to the trusty internet, there are only a few ways to increase you HDL number.

1. Quit smoking. (I don't smoke.)

2. Start exercising. (I already run 4-5 times per week.)

3. Lose weight. (Okay they got me there.)

4. Drink 1/2 glass of red wine per day. (Hell, I drink at least a full glass every day. I'm ahead of the game!)

5. Take cholesterol medication.

No Lipitor for me, thank you very much. I think I'll just keep drinking my wine, running around the lake and, most importantly, I'll stay away from my big Sunday breakfast the next time I let them prick my finger.

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Comic, Author, Writer!

Traci Skene is a veteran professional comedian and author and an accomplished humor writer and blogger. She was a featured performer on Episode 3, Season 7 of NBC's "Last Comic Standing." She's a regular contributor to US Weekly's "Fashion Police." With her husband, comedian Brian McKim, she is the author of "The Comedy Bible: The Complete Resource for Aspiring Comedians." Her most recent book, "Sometimes Ask A Man," is available for download on Amazon.com! in 1999, she established the influential online standup comedy website SHECKYmagazine.com.