From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Yes 104

This calling thing was confusing I really have to admit. I had no idea what was going on in my life anymore. I did

not whether to call the mistakes I was making just mistakes or bring it down to bad omens. I am for real on this. Now my aunt was saying one thing about the reason why my mother was sick and for the first time in my life I really must say I actually believed her. There. Was sense in her words? Imagine, me with my education believing in something I would have called nonsense on any other occasion. How deep is that? Here I was second guessing doctors, people who I revered for beliefs that white people had systematically taught us to believe were nonsense. Yah neh, I really was on my own path towards doom.

“Aunty wait!”

I chased after her as she stomped out. I can’t blame her mother had rather humiliated her.

“You think if you dress so nice we don’t see what you are, you witch!”

My mother hissed after her. Humiliation has levels and I was embarrassed for my family. I caught up with my aunt as she went down the stairs.

“I am sorry you know how mum is!”

I reminded her. She did not respond but I could see she was crying as she stomped down the stairs with purpose.

“I should never have come!”

She said when we finally got to the bottom of the stairs.

“I should never have come!”

And she had a point. My sister had been presumptuous on this occasion. She really had. My mother hated my aunt, we all knew that. As far as my mother was concerned people like my aunt were the reason why white people still had all the land and we did not. She was the reason why Jesus was still not back and she was the reason why Pirates will never win the premiership again.

“Please forgive her. You know her. You know how she is!”

I told her.

“She blames me for this like I chose this. You think I wanted to become a Sangoma? You thing I had no other dreams myself. This was calling was hers and not mine but someone had to appease the ancestors and that person ended up being me. It was me that had to give up everything to protect the family. I was like you, smart and beautiful and the moment I accepted do you know how many friends I lost? I lost a lot of people because people at the time were like people now, the judge what they don’t know. People who hardly ever see the door of a church will come and tell you how God disapproves of this. Imagine, to such people telling them to go church is like torture. You will find that person saying they can’t go to church it’s too hot but the person was born and raised in Messina! How can an air conditioned church be hot then! But don’t think they won’t judge me?”

She was so annoyed with my mum. She was letting me know of her isolation ever since she because this. She was right too and I was not surprised either because with black people part of our reason for failure is that before we do something we tend to ask ourselves this,

“What will people say?”

It’s actually a deep question that holds so many of back because doing whatever it is that made you ask yourself that shows that you have to be prepared for the negativity.

“I am sorry aunty!”

I told her again. Did this mean she will not help me now because I still had to twasa?

“I am leaving.”

She said and she got into her car and drove out. She had a car? Can you picture a Sangoma in a business suit driving a car? That was my aunt for you. I went back inside to my sister. She had left mum who had been calmed down by a sedative.

“I walked out she is gone now!”

I told my sister when I got to her.

“It’s a good thing. I was not thinking right when I called her. She is crazy right?”

My sister asked me.

“I don’t think she is because she has a point about all these things that only seem to happen to mum!”

I told her. Those were my real thoughts.

“You can’t believe her though I am sure you know that. I know mum told me about getting a possible calling but are you really going to put our mother’s life at risk for something like this?”

My sister asked me sarcastically. I know when she is mocking me. She makes me answer my own questions. This is what happens when you know someone too well and I knew her so well.

“I was just saying that you know for a fact that mum has always been sick and we can’t figure out why or how? You used to even laugh at her for making things up but now when an alternative answer is given you freak out?”

I asked. There was a hint of confusion inside her that’s for sure. It was not just me seeing things. These things were happening.

She warned me and walked away as a sign that she did not want to talk. Why did this have to be so stressful? Now I was left talking with Ezile.

“Do you think I should get some people from pysc to come restrain your mother? She seems quite riled up?”

She asked me with a lot of concern in her voice.

“No it’s cool. You don’t have to do that, her sister does this to her!”

I found myself telling her.

“Sisters? Wow, you could swear that they hate each other. Regardless if you need anything please call me ok!”

She said and for the second time put her hand on my shoulder as reassurance.

“Thank you!”

I told her as she walked away. Why was it every time this girl was there I appeared weak! Every time without fail. As I was thinking this Simba called. I was not in a mood to talk but it would have been rude. The man had run to my rescue.

“I was checking if everything was ok!”

He said as soon as I picked up.

“No its not. I am at the hospital now and everything is just a mess!”

I confessed.

“Hospital? You were fine when I met you though so what has changed now?”

He asked me.

“My mother, she was admitted yesterday. I forgot to tell you with all that was going on!”

I told him. I was not even sure that I had forgotten to but it’s what came out. I had so much on my mind I could not even remember some of the things I had told myself.

“I am coming there. Where are you? You are not supposed to be alone at a time like this!”

He warned me.

“I am not alone am with my sister.”

I told him.

“The same sister you are fighting with? Remember from our night out you said that.”

What had I not told this guy though? Was I that tipsy that I could not remember everything I said? He seemed to know so much about me and that I must say was worrying. Lesson to self, never drink too much on a first date if you do not know how to handle your liquor!

“Its fine you can come through. I am at the Netcare next to my house!”

I told him.

“Yeah I remember it. Give me about 30 minutes depending on traffic.”

He said. If I was still in life after 30 minutes then he would find me. With the way my sister was behaving one of us would be dead by then Shem. I sat there in silence and began to think, my mother was not sick but sick? That did not even make sense. My phone then rang,

“Hey stranger!”

I asked when I saw who it was. It was Sfiso.

“Hey you. Is that how you treat someone who has just lost his wife?”

He said jokingly.

“And how is that so? I was always going to call you!”

I told him feeling a bit guilty that I had not called him back.

“Liar liar, Lungi’s thongs on fire!”

He said and I burst out laughing. I was not ready for that but he had to be the one person that could me makes me laugh.

“Ok not the thongs; let’s burn all the granny pants first and yeah there will be world peace!”

He said and again I laughed. I looked around first and responded,

“I will have you know that full panties are comfortable you know!”

I told him,

“Yeah comfortable but they make you look like you are wearing pampers you bought on discount!”

And we laughed again. He had this effortless charm about him.

“I will be in Jhb this week I am coming to fix some life insurance things for my wife. I was hoping I take you to eat because last time I saw you you had lost too much weight. I could not even see you cheeks anymore!”

He teased.

“I am fat dude don’t tease me!”

I retorted jokingly,

“Phew thank God you said it first I did not know how to bring it up!”

He said and we burst out laughing. He was killing me here.

“Listen I have to go. I will take you out for salad neh because I don’t want to be part of the reason why you not eating healthy.”

He said and hung up laughing. Some people really just have personality in abundance. I had needed that conversation to let my spirits up that joy was short lived; my sister was standing behind me with arms folded across her shoulders.

“What’s wrong?”

I asked her.

“I can’t believe you are standing here laughing so much when our mother is dying in there!”

She said guilt tripping me.

I was going to smack this girl now! I really was and I could feel that temper rise!

Thank you the amazing work that you give us, I can only start my day off once I’ve had my daily fix.

So this is my current situation (can please remain anonymous) , if fellow readers could please give me some advice on how to handle this…

I have been in a relationship for over a year know with my baby’s father, things happened really fast for us as in I fell pregnant within two months of us dating and our relationship just took off like a runaway train from then. He stepped up, took responsibility for me and his daughter in every way possible; paid damages to my family, bought all baby things, he was even right there by my side the day she was born.
Here is my problem: The love and chemistry between me and him seems to have faded. I love him and he loves me but its not the “i would die for you” type of love (maybe I’ve been watching too many romantic comedies). Bottom line is I’m not happy with our relationship, it feels as though we together for the sake of the our baby. We live together so we invested so much time and effort into building a home for our family I don’t want to tear it apart but at the same time I don’t want our child growing up in a loveless home. For me it feels like our relationship has come to an end but he wants us give it another go. He’s really good guy, he’s never cheated, never abused me, hes always there when we need him, he’s a wonderful father and partner and our daughter adores him. I don’t want to break his heart or hurt him in any way but I feel like if it was not for me falling pregnant we would even be together for this long. So fellow readers, should stay and try and find happiness in my situation or should I go become a single mom and make my own happiness?

Unhappy Mommy

P.S I forgot to mention; he’s in the process of buying a house for us..

You said it….You watch too many romantic movies and take everything seriously. Go and be single, find multiple guys who will use you while you in search for that so called “romance”. Can i please have your baby daddy’s numbers !!

this is so true..
my sister has it good even Oprah would wanna be with such a guy.
She must stop acting and pray for happiness to come..coz I’m afraid if she lets baby daddy go..she will soon realise that Hoe is not life

Will woman ever be satisfied? The man cheats and is an a** We complain, he becomes a dotting loving person we complain. What do we want? People are being raped and human trafficking is happening as we speak and this is what you complain about? Unhappy mommy please find inner peace.

@ unhappy mom it just feels like every woman who has a good man they are not happy with them and those who don’t are not happy either, so my question is this, what is it that we want really? Chemistry or a reliable partner? Because I can do reliability any day… What’s the point of chemistry without someone who has no intentions to commit? Right now are you actually thinking about your daughter or yourself

Thanks Mikeesto, as for Pirates never winning the league, you wish Zebra. LOL!!

Unhappy Mom, I tried hard to figure out what the root of your unhappiness is but I’m coming up empty. If it is purely happiness then sisi you have to seek that and be unapologetic about it. But wait a minute, lets evaluate here… What happiness are you seeking? You have a Man, he is responsible, he is loving and caring, he doesn’t cheat on you, he doesn’t abuse you. He is a great father, he is reliable and he is planning on buying a crib for your little family. Explain to me your concept of happiness or explain it to yourself while reading this because this is confusing.

We say don’t settle for less than the absolute best but darling you are so near perfection with this guy it even sounds too good to be true. I always follow happiness, life is too short to be grumpy and in a place where your heart isn’t but wena babygirl, you are bordering on fucking with the heaven’s grace.

How many guys can you even count nje that could’ve done what this guy did? So what if ya’ll lasted because of the baby, doesn’t that show you that this guy is worth spending your life with? We always ask God for more, we wake up and don’t even thank him for it(waking up) nor that fact that we made it safe to work and that we still have internet to come here and share stories, yet when the man blesses you like this, you spit on it and take it for granted?

Oh humans this ungrateful specie that we are, we are blocks we are stones we are worse than senseless things

I can’t seem to figure out why you’re unhappy. This guy is the closest thing to perfection and you’re not happy?! You’ve got nice life problems, other people have it rough la ngaphandle sisi. Appreciate what you have before you lose it.

My dear ups and downs happen in a relationship. If you still want to be with him you need to work on it. Even if it means doing things differently…go out more together, have date nights, etc
Do not put everything on him…get up and do then nawe njee. Spice up your sex life. Love goes beyond how you feel about a person. It is a choice you make. You have a good guy there ave benqabile ke phandle.

Unhappy mum this is simply nje, wena u dont love this guy anymore, the hard part is you dont understand it yourself cause his a good man n ect. You are falling out of love sis but you dont want to admitt it.

Can someone direct me to whoever said in a relationship there will always be sparkles and chemistry, cause really it’s getting out of hand.
have you even tried to bring back the spark or are you are waiting on the guy who is breaking his back trying to give you a life every woman wants to bring it back for you? Go and be a single mother and see how easy that is and be happy in the misery you will find there. Just don’t write to us saying you want him back, asking how you can make him yours again.

*sigh* You know what the problem is? He isn’t treating u like shit. Are u unhappy or are u bored? Sisi you’re a mom. You have a man most of us dream of.

Many men will not consider or take u seriously by virtue of the fact that u have a kid. You’ll ruin everyone’s life because you’re bored. Spark up your life. Couples who’ve been married together for years tell u that it gets boring with time & they always have to find a way to spark up the romance again. It’s a process.

I’m sorry but u don’t appreciate what u have. Follow your heart and ruin your home. His tears won’t fall on deaf ears & when he bounces back & finds a woman that appreciates him whereas you’re jumping from man to man don’t ask God why the universe hates u so much. & when your child asks why u left her dad u tell her u were the problem & that u broke up a perfectly good home and ruined her life because u he was a good man. The problem with us women is that when we have a godsend we tend to take him for granted and want “more” because we lack excitement or whatever the case may be. God will give u the “excitement” u seek sisi. uzozisola, & when things go south, because they most probably will (coz men are trash) come back to tell us we were right.

Wemame…kunabantu abanezinking zangemepela la-emnyango…unesikhathi sokudlala…should have signed off as Ungrateful, selfish woman!!!! Your man is not there to make you happy, find a hobby! This man has given you joy in abundance a lovely, healthy family, wena ufuna ihappiness into ephelayo once nothing is happening.

Ukhuluma nge “I will die for you type of love” but uthi PS: he is buying a house for us…khale kahle wena ufuna lomlisa afe fi, before you can see he will die for you??? Ikwenzeni kahle kahle ingane yabantu? Lutho except for loving you and you kid and doing everything in his power to be a stable and responsible father and partner, wena ufuna ntoni???

This man deserves better, wena you deserve a man who will ill treat you, cheat on you and make cry tears of regret…then you can wake up the next day and actually miss this dude and all his goodness. Your lesson will be, appreciate, appreciate, appreciate…so from me to you…please do leave him and go find you “happiness” and may it be sweet! *Wink*

Unhappy mom: You didn’t mention your age in the letter. You need to understand that love comes in 5 stages. Please google this (5 stages of love). You are now in stage 3 which is the most difficult stage.
Stage1: Falling in Love Stage2: Becoming a Couple Stage3: Disillusionment
Stage4: Creating Real and Lasting Love
Stage5: Using the power of 2 to change the world.
Studies have shown that most people fail at stage 3. This is where you start thinking that there is more out there and everything that your partner does irritates the hell out of you. You need to find a way to deal with this stage. It is the most horrible, but you will get through it. Be patient, be positive, be appreciative = it will pass.
Accept that relationships are hard work, they don’t just flow. They need commitment, patience, acceptance of each other as you are, lots of love and caring. Also understand that you are not there to change him, love and accept him as he is….

hey Unhappy Mommy ..Haowa bathong..you have a good thing there..I think you want to “experiment” and that could backfire..love..if you are not happy please seek help, start from within..pray..because I dont see the real problem.. if you decide to leave this man..trust me you are going to regret it. make your grass greener Sesi.

Thank you bhut’Mike and team
Unhappy Mommy – you are making yourself unhappy – if the love of this man is not I will die for you kind of love then I don’t know what you want shem. He is everything that most women dream of and you want to throw that away. Think twice dear. You need to understand that no other person on earth will ever make you happy except yourself. Hapiness is a personal choice – you choose to be happy whatever the circumstances. So dear find a hobby – not a cheating on your man hobby as that seems to be doing the rounds these days or you will regret it for the rest of your life. You and your man can go on dates (have date nights) go on picnics, take a drive every now and again; ask a friend to baby-sit and spend quality time with your man you will appreciate him all over and will thank God for him. Your man is building a home and a future for all of you; do not throw that away
All the best

You dont know what you are seeking my darling. You need pschological help, you are suffering from displacement disorder. You bring your hatred, anger and previous dissapointments to the wrong person. Izakushiya lendoda yakudikwa yile uncalled behviour.

Hai guys let’s not be too harsh on her… unhappy mom, I don’t normally comment neh so I hope you get to read this.

Maybe yes the spark is no longer there Mara how about you recandle your love, go on dates, wear sexy lingerie, do what ever to bring the spark back, it’s the little things that count… do fun things together, picnic nyana, candles light dinner nyana…. maybe the problem is that you guys have the same boring formal routine. Spice Things up, let him be your friend/lover. Don’t let your relationship not be a chore.

Oh by the way so happy you’re back Mr Mike was so worried. May God bless you with good health

unhappy mommy I get where you are coming from I myself was there last year and I eventually broke up her with her. Fortunately for me there wasn’t a child involved and things were easier, wena you have a child with the guy which complicates things so on this one my sentiments are with the majority of people that if you leave you would have ruined a really good thing so right now try and rekindle things and find that thing that made you fall for the guy.

Unhappy mom, please can you google 5 stages of a relationship, you will find your answer they, Stage 1 called Romance stage is gone. Relationship are hard work ,make sure you read those stages, ungalahli into e khona ngengekho,uyozisola

Men Like Your Dear Baby Daddy Are Like A Very Rare And Scarce Commodity In This Day And Civilisation,You Feel Like You You Have Bitten Off More Than You Can Chew But Essentially And Honestly,You Are Merely Forsaking A God Given Blessing,What Most Woman Dream And Desire To Have…..I Had A Woman Like You,I Hope Wherever She Is She Is Happy Because If She Isn’t Happy Then You My Dear Are Asking For Misery To Be Your Affiliate……Be Greatful And Count Your Blessings. UneNdoda EmaDodeni……..Yenza OkuRight Uyeke UkuziPhathisa Ikhanda NgoMsangano Cc Wam……#Mthande

Unhappy mom
Stay and love that man u will never find another like him. He wants a future for u and his child. I had a man like that and I left him cause of the same reason as yours. To this day I regret it. Don’t leave work it out.

Nice one brada Mikie.
Sistaz, a bird inhand is worth two in the bush.
Marriage is like a business, its hard work. It’s never smooth sailing forever. U have to spice it when it seems lukewarm & mediocre.
In business, they advertise specials every now & then when sales are low.
Book a shortleft for the two of U. Let granny babysit. Find that happiness in yo marriage. But if all fails them tell the poor guy that it’s not working. Don’t drag it for too long.

Unhappy mommy your problem is that you moved way too fast. Loving with someone kills a relationship for some people and it seems you skipped the stage of really getting to know each other. There’s nothing wrong with the relationship. Just try to spend time with your man initiate the romance give it some effort. You might be stat ng together bit you are not his wife. Date the guy tu

Hi Unhappy Mom,
Thank you for seeking advice from this group before you took a decision about your relationship and your life. I am sorry that you are feeling unhappy…I know exactly what you are going through. Please seek professional help because you might be suffering from Post Pregnancy Depression. I never believed it until I became unhappy too and ended up breaking a fairytale relationship I had with my soulmate. Once you get help, you will fall in love all over again and you will be able to enjoy and embrace your new family. A lot of cultures are not aware of PPD and they would easily tell you that you dont know what you want, while some may say that you are ungrateful. Hang in there and try in every way possible to do all the little things that makes you happy. My remedy came through writing a lot of poetry and short stories. Try and engage with other people who share the same or similar hobbies as yourself, and you will find that it helps keep your mind sane. Above all, God is your creator (even though I do not know where your stand is religiously) prayer and meditation are also helpful. I wish you a speedy recovery and you have a wonderful family that is waiting to build an empire of love. God loves you.

P.S. Please speak to a psychologist as soon as possible, or even ask your GP to refer you to someone who can help you asap.