im sorry but i really dnt have neone to talk to nemore. since 2001 ive had serious thoughts of suicide. My life really sucks… when i was three my grandfather decided to molest me and then when my elder brother hit puberty he decided to rape and molest me for almost 5 years. i accidentally told the cops and he was arrestted but no one in my family believed me except my mother. everyone else just called me a liar because they didn’t like me as much as they liked him. When i grew into my teenage years my cousins decided to try ‘sstuff’ on me and honestly i don’t know why i let them but being put down all my life by the people who are supposed to love you really hurts your self image. sorry if im ranting but ive never told neone about the whole story of my life. Im 22 now and honestly ive been suppressing all these emotions all this time. When i was younger i decided to put all this in a bottle and never open it up. But on December 20, 2002 my mother overdosed and died in my arms. i was 16 years old. I dnt want to believe that she did that on purpose but i dont know what was going on in her head. She was my last connection to humanity, well that’s how i feel neway. These last 6 years have been hard. There are times when i think i can handle everything but then their are more times when i know i can’t. I am one of 8 kids my mother had and every single one of them have told me how much they hate me and wish i were dead and that to them i was good as dead neway. ive never done nething bad to them i just have opinions and what you have to kno is that my siblings are very thickheaded and stuck up and if you dnt always agree with them then they cut you out ofÂ their lives. well i felt like i had to talk to someone, even if no one cares in my life. i wonder who would miss me????? i can’t think of ne one. I have my whole suicide planned to the tee. no one would be able to stop me. i just dnt know what i have to hold onto in this world nemore. all the love is gone and im empty inside. well thanks for listening to my rants.

6 Comments

Ive been molested and raped before as well by 3 different people so i kinda know what you feel like…There is no reason for you to take their fuck ups and blame it on your self. This is going to sound harsh but fuck your siblings if they dont believe you, you know the truth and if they don’t then their not worth it in my eyes. But thats the way I am. Dont blame your self for what people have done to you

i dont like it when i hear about rape it makes me angry i cannot do anything because i am here and i have no idea where these twats are but if you where one of my friends or even just a colleague i owuld kill the rapist bastards and wound the nonbelivers my sister was raped by 2 different people and locked away by her (boyfriend) for nearly 2 years she got away by settin him on fire, i hope you feel better for knowing that there are some murdering bastards who are (good) people and only try to help well if you would like to talk email me or summat i wont post it here unless i get a reply well cos im like that

You’ve been hurt. Hurt by people who are suppsoed to love you. Well, I would be mad at them. That you probably don’t want to do but it’s the truth. You should be mad. Don’t blame yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. Trust me. You should not feel guilty that your bro got punished for his wrongs. Go out, find good people you can hang with k? You’ll do it. And death is hard to deal with, yes, but time will, believe it or not heal some of the pain. I doubt your mother woulda killed herslef, from the way it sounds, if it was suicide it wasn’t really thought through, just through blind pain, because otherwise, she woulda lived and stuck wtih you. When you moved out, you shoulda let go and closed up the past, but you didn’t. I honestly think you should start a new familiy/life/find a love/make friends, any of those things, and forget about the ‘family’ that hurts you. You need to love yourself and live your life. Guilt shoves yourself ontop of you sometimes, but it’s ok, that’s being human. Just shut them out on e by one even if you don’t want to because it obviously isn’t working out with them around you.

step n1 you need to talk to someone professional about this i know it must be embarrassing and hard but the sooner the better you dont want this to be an issue later on in life for you, you should know what has happened too you is not your fault at all and is 100% wrong no one should ever have to go through what u have i hope you get all the help in the world, i heard you say u didnt have neone nemore well guess what you can have me and my support any time off the day or night just email me. p.s ur story has really touched me maybe when your better you can help others tha hast went through the same thing as you too 🙂 i wish u all the luck in the world.