Finally Out

Posts by MobileSoC

I've made a post here before warning all young people to leave their bad situation. I followed my own advice, here is how it went down.

At 3 am, I starting loading my personal belongings of value to the front of my door. As I was finishing, my eDad woke up and started to question me as to what I was doing. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to what he said: "Oh, I see. You're moving out. So you're giving up and being a coward. How would your (n)Mother react? You better stay here!" I told him nothing and when he physically started to stop me, and I resisted, he let me go, as eDads often do. He was testing to see if I was serious.

But I was. I told my dad I have legal right to my stuff, and that he owes me 2 grand. I told him if he stops me, I will get the police involved. He let me get my stuff to put into my friends' car.

I gave a goodbye forever and wished him a good life. I am contemplating giving him an ultimatum; leave nMom or I will never come back.. but I know I can't change him and his choices.

My name is Neill and I am 18 years, and suffered years of emotional and physical abuse. I am finally out. You guys have been a big inspiration and I want to thank my friends, thet are my new family.

To any boy or girl my age in a similar situation, even if the school system (college or highschool) dosent believe you, your friend support system is there for you. Get out of your situation. All of us deserve better.

To any boy or girl my age in a similar situation, even if the school system (college or highschool) dosent believe you, your friend support system is there for you. Get out of your situation. All of ys deserve better.

HiImLost 366

Congratulations to taking action and doing something for yourself!

FaustRivers 308

First of all, congratulations! I would not give any ultimatum, it might give you expectations on your father who showed his position when you were leaving. Run and take care of yourself. Wish you the best.

Chocolatefix 24

I agree. He's made a choice all these years and OP should do the same and choose himself.

code13dontask 175

Fantastic that your plan worked and you have a friend in your corner. Don't look back and just keep looking forward because your life is just beginning.

That is sweet to think about helping other people by encouraging them to live the life that they want. I finally walked away after my first child was born. It took me seeing how my n"mom" would treat her first grandchild to stop the continuation of verbal abuse. You left 10 years earlier than I did and you have such a head start to a great life. Now you can have the people in your life that respect, love and support you. So proud of you !!!

MobileSoC 98

I really wish I could do more to help all the kids who are stuck in a bad place. I really believe mental illness is becoming more and more common.

CrystalSplice 47

It's compounded by the fact that people with NPD do not typically seek treatment, since they do not believe there is anything wrong with them or their actions.

GhostTess 19

Even if they do the actual prognosis for any improvement is less than 30%. Most won't even admit to a psych being of any use to them after a full year of weekly contact.

In addition NPD is not well treated by psychs who tend to evaluate NPD in terms of a psychodynamic trauma perspective and also take much of what narcs say at face value when it isn't true. So there's a lot that goes on for narcs to inhibit any kind of treatment.

hiv_mind 2

I mean what are they supposed to do? Tell them to their face that the parts of their personality most representative of who they are cause psychological harms to those closest to them, and that they are largely responsible?

Or do they retain a slim chance of maintaining their therapeutic relationship by externalising blame and coming at issues from another angle.

If you assign culpability to the narcissist they will simply walk away and devalue you. Absolutely nothing gained. There is no compulsory treatment - the narcissist is seeing the therapist for anticipated gains of some description. This will likely be vague, and usually misidentified as depression, when it is more likely to be rock bottom after narcissistic failure of some kind. "I feel bad and I want to feel better, like I did before", may be all the psychological-mindedness available to work with.

I think it's unfair to put any of the blame for the deficits in talking therapy on the therapist when dealing with NPD. You can only get out what you get in, and narcissists put in the same shit they have used their whole lives, which is reality distortion and displaced responsibility. As voluntary participants, they can only be engaged through frank manipulation, and they are the masters to begin with, so what hope does a psychologist have? I think it's brave for a therapist to take on NPD of any kind to be honest, since it is so clearly - largely futile.

GhostTess 1

Well I don't know that that is the case. Once the psych has figured out that this may be NPD, I'd probably explain that the therapy is changing to be more about challenging beliefs and behaviours. Mostly this will be uncomfortable, I'd also explain the goal isn't to convince you you've done the wrong thing, but to challenge you potentially to see other aspects that may be hidden from you. After all, you've come in saying fairly vague things and we need to get to the bottom of that, and sometimes, honestly that's going to be painful and difficult.

So there's ways to do this, once NPD is identified. I'd imagine it would be quite exhausting for the the psych, but honestly this would likely be the best way, challenge them, reward them for considering things outside their own view etc. Narcissists in my experience lap this kind of praise up, they also tend to enjoy the challenge, though that depends.

But yes, there are a lot of ways to challenge the behaviour while still maintaining rapport.

KatTailed_Barghast 3

Seems that way statistically, but remember requirements to meet illnesses has become less stringent. We also have far more people than before. It’s like a city. The more people you have, the more crime you’ll have.

chanel_no_1 154

I just left yesterday too. I'm in a hotel rn and will live w my friend's family until my apartment lease starts. I feel amazing. I never thought I could escape. I WANT TO THANK THIS SUB AND MY AMAZING FRIENDS. OP I wanna give you a big hug, congrats!!!!

vu1xVad0 6

Well done! All the best to you.

tanoren 3

Congrats. You fucking did it. The hardest part is behind you.

Ragingredblue 1

Congratulations to you too!!!

MobileSoC 106

What do I do to get my money? I gave my dad a warning that I wanted it today. Should I call the police tommorow?

Tenprovincesaway 85

Yes.

MobileSoC 46

My parents bullied me into signing over my graduation money to them, and my dad is saying I have no legal groundings anymore. He said he'd give me some, but I'm afraid it'll never come. What do?

CrystalSplice 61

Small claims court might be a good option. Do you have any paperwork or other such evidence you could present?

MobileSoC 46

The word of grandparents and probably the physical check

CrystalSplice 70

They forced you to endorse a check over to them under duress? I'm reasonably certain that is a crime, if so. Like, a felony.

flamingcanine 42

Talk to a real lawyer. They can tell you if it's something that will go anywhere.

Just a heads up to OP if you decide to post to /r/legaladvice - we have had some users experience some less than supportive responses when discussing abuse or asking about legal issues with an Nparent in that sub. If you would like to seek their advice, perhaps it would be best to use a throwaway account that isn't linked to RBN or avoid using terms like "Nparent" as those have not been well received in the past. Of course, it's totally your call OP.

We recently opened /r/RBNLegalAdvice so if OP is interested, they are welcome to post questions there.

We’ve also had some bad experiences all around (even from our own parents), and not about to let a few people ruin what would otherwise be good advice. Post away, ignore the haters.

NikkitheChocoholic 22

Get advice from an actual lawyer. I get that might be difficult given your money was just stolen from you, but if you can find a way/if there are resources in your community that would help you with this, please do this.

lyn73 7

I agree. Check your area's local bar association or if there happens to be a law school in your area, I would check into that. Never give up.

​

I will also add that probably most small claims court judges are like Judge Judy in that they don't expect plaintiffs to be legal eagles. They have the ability to sort through the BS without having the plaintiff explain everything. It helps to have a lot of documentation though so if I were you, I would start a chain of documentation: what's happened up to this point and any correspondence that has occurred since. Don't talk to your parents about this money; if you have anything you need to ask/say about the matter PUT IT IN WRITING (E-MAIL, CERTIFIED MAIL RRR- the best way).

GoldEnema 1

Why yes? Police won't do anything.

JerkRussell 16

I would just go in person. Sometimes it takes a short time to wait for the correct officer to become available, but otherwise they can also help point you in the direction of services you might not be aware of.

blackbird-79 6

Great idea. You might be able to get free or subsidised legal advice or representation through a charity.

I feel like if this was your own money in your account that was transferred across to their account it should be straightforward. Congrats and goodluck!

mischiffmaker 58

It's such a cliche to say this, but today is the first day of the rest of your life--and you've already started building your family of choice!

Good for you!

And good luck to you!

SeparateCzechs 30

I’m proud of you Neill! I know how hard it is. Your life is going to be so much better than you could have imagined as a child. Never look back. Build a family of people worthy of you. Dream. Work. Love. You have so much wonderful to come!

primate__equity 27

You're not the one giving up and being a coward, HE IS. You're standing up for yourself and refusing to tolerate people who don't treat you with respect. I know we can't undo what others say to us, so let me layer on some love: you deserve to be loved and feel safe. You don't owe anyone anything if that's the cost of it.

blackbird-79 5

Well said!

BrokenGaySword 25

Thanks now I’m at work crying.

Good for you man, we’re all very proud of you.

corazonsinalma 24

Congrats!

You’re lucky, some of us 18+ do not have the ability to drive (my reason is due to a chronic illness) and by law, I have no way of escaping yet due to the laws in my state regarding my chronic illness (I’m a licensed driver but, can’t drive by law for a while longer).

Regardless, please be safe having gotten away from your Nmom and Edad. If need be, look into getting restraining orders in case they threaten you or attempt to threaten your safety.

Best of luck OP ❤️

8365815 24

Just wanted to say how wrong your dad was to accuse you of "giving up" ... of course he is instinctively twisting your actions into something negative. God forbid a Narc or their enabler take personal responsibility for their own failures in life.

And that's what this is, and deep down, he KNOWS it. They failed. They had 18 years to pretty much be 51% decent parents, and you probably would have stayed. But that wasn't what happened. And now their window of opportunity is closed, and somehow they need to twist that into being "unfair" that the clock ran out... when every day that went by, thousands of days in your young life, they squandered all their chances.

Good for you for moving out and moving on. Good luck in your next phase of life, and creating the life you want for yourself.

Itsthematterhorn 3

Oh this was good. I hope OP sees this!!! So well written.

MobileSoC 2

It's funny, because I am the youngest child. All my siblings moved out at similar ages, because of the same reasons. eDad never took the hint.

newdaycoming123 23

You are one courageous and inspirational man, Neill. I wish you all the best in this well-earned new chapter.

Poes-Lawyer 16

So you're giving up and being a coward.

"Bravery shouldn't be required to live comfortably in one's home."

Anyway, congrats!

Ya_Whatever 14

Congratulations!!! Breathe in the freedom! Life will only get better from here on.

PerpetualCrisisHere 13

Good Job. On the behalf of this whole community, congrats for taking action!

whyisyourwaterpink 13

Huge congratulations. Oh my God. You did it!! I left when I was 15 (left as in cut off all contact; I now live with my mom who has always been my primary caregiver since the divorce when I was 2.5; she's the best support I could ever hope for). I'm 19 now and this coming February will be the 4 year anniversary of the last day I was in contact with him. It's been so challenging, but I've had a great therapist and mother on my side. I hope you find/further grow (sounds like you have an amazing one already) your support system in this period of change.

Cheers to freedom and the start of your new life.

skadoobdoo 13

Congratulations!! This internet stranger is proud of you!!

TheOriginal_V1S10N 13

Your life is about to get a whole lot better!

lininkasi 13

Best of luck

paperazzi 10

Be prepared to let that money go. It is the only thing left between you and them now and they WILL use it to their advantage to continue to manipulate, abuse and control you. You are young, you have opportunities that will bring in more money than what was stolen.

spaceklods 10

your friend support system is there for you.

and what if you don't? I dealt with years of abuse and being homeless with no friends in sight. I still struggle with having little social support to this very day. I know you mean well but not everybody has that.

On the other hand, I'm glad you got out.

​

Nekokonoko 3

Well, we all are here for your psychological support. You can also go to some church or support groups: NAMI is the best one I heard. There are ways to almost everything; steady and relentless steps will get you far. It got you that far already, you know?

BTW your resilience is remarkable. That's a gift; be proud of that. :3

spaceklods 1

I don't know about resilient. Maybe a part of me is. It took me four years to get out of homelessness. I still have a ways to go.

contrarymarysf 9

All the best Neill! Take care of yourself.

meesersloth 8

Good on ya!

svxxo 7

I am So fucking proud of you Niel!!!!! Represent up in this bitch!!

Mayor-Proctor 6

I wish I left at your age as I knew I was right and even wanted to but was put in my place.

Now I just turned 34. I still live at home and last times I've left Mum has manipulated family to then call and manipulate me to returning.

My last finale though I went out gambled there money and tried to commit suicide for the ? Time. It was serious. I said when I returned I am in charge and have kept to that.

I will be leaving soon. Just need to save some cash.

MobileSoC 1

I'm proud of you, brother. Better late than never.

Ingeloakastimizilian 5

Congrats. You are stronger than I was. Far stronger. Your courage is incredible.

Carrieisdizzy 5

Hell yeah, good job dude! This is how every almost single one of my siblings and I left our house, in the middle of the night but usually at 16 or 17.

In4mation1789 4

Picture a standing ovation and wild cheering! I am so proud of you! Best wishes for a WONDERFUL life!

coolmama51 4

Best of luck.

mangarooboo 4

I am so proud of you, Neill!!! You did it! Never ever forget this day, when you mustered up all of your power and courage and strength and did what so many are too petrified to do. I'm immensely proud of you and I hope you feel proud of yourself for the rest of your life for doing this. If I could hug you tight and tell you to your face that I'm proud, I would. Good job, my dude.

luciferboughtmysoul 4

Congrats,my dude!

Schmapn 4

Can I please ask what (e) means? Obv new to this sub.

Korlat_Eleint 4

Enabler, also called co-abuser.

Schmapn 2

Thank you very much! :)

iHaveNoIdeaAboutThat 3

Damn, you're a fucking champ. Good for you. Fuck yea. I'm so happy for you. I wish you all the best. Stay safe and enjoy your new life :)

CHJoker8825 3

Congratulations Neill🎉🎉🎉. This is the beginning of a new life for you.

scientus 3

While you tell yourself that your dad is a enabler, if you look way back you will realize that he is a narcissist too, but became an enabler because you so desperately needed someone to emulate as a young boy. His love is still conditional, and he is also a narcissist.

LilPeanutt 2

Congratulations, super proud of you!

honeybee512 2

Congratulations!!! I just passed the 2 week mark since I left. I'm still dealing with them as my situation did not go as smoothly but I feel free

Zarkdion 2

Mazel tov! This is probably not the last part of your interactions with nMom or eDad, but this is certainly a turning point for you. Good luck and happy trails!

BLACKLABELSLUSHIE 2

I'm genuinely excited and happy for you. It may sound over the top but I mean it literally. My ex gf was raised by a truly evil parasitic horrible narcissist mother - and I mean on the high end of the spectrum. I felt super proud helping her out of that situation. 2 years later she can't believe she ever lived like that.

ThatOneCalledKay 2

Well done man. Just gotta keep a positive mind and keep moving forwards now! Best of luck with everything.

dontcheckmyredditlol 2

This post made me cry. I’ve been planning on leaving for a few weeks now. I’m only 17, but I definitely need to get out. I hope I can be as lucky as you.

PotatoRuffles34 2

i hope you turn out well

AtwixttheWillows 2

Bless your heart and soul. I am so, so completely proud of you, a stanger, because I KNOW what strength and courage this decision and action requires.

You got this.

eccentricaunt 2

Well done! Stay safe and take care of yourself.

Btw you're definitely NOT a coward. It takes real courage to do what you've done and you should be so proud of yourself.

JewniverseGyaru 2

Hi Neil!!! My name is Marie and i was in the same situation as you. I left in the morning when none of them was there. My poor dad was heartbroken and I often talk to him.

Nekokonoko 2

I think a party is in order, Neill. Congratulations from my heart: but don't drink too much. ;D

MobileSoC 1

Oh believe me, I had a party alright. In my first day of freedom, I drank, earned 200 dollars, and fucked my girlfriend.

It's astounding what being away does for your mental state!

JewniverseGyaru 1

I remember my first night of freedom. I cried all night and all day. There is a song from Avicii called: "Ten More Days". I was listening to that song while crying.

merchillio 2

Congrats!

Stay safe! Have an internet high-five.

RaiRules 2

This fills me with so much hope. I’m so glad you’re out <3

itsmywanderlust 2

Congratulations ! Now onto living your best life !! :)

jetgrrrl4 2

I went through a very similar thing with my nmom! She told me I was leaving because I didn’t love my little sister and how selfish I was for moving out at 18 !! Im 21 now and it’s been 3 years since I’ve seen them or spoken to them, I still have nightmares about her but goddamn it feels good not to live in fear.

Caperswithcheese 2

This read like an intro to an espionage thriller!

You know the best life is a life well lived. Do it. 💪🏻

Shouting__Ant 2

Yay!

elizabet87 2

Congratulations you e just made the best decision of your life. Good luck for here on and stay strong to who you are in this moment!

forest_cat_mum 2

Well bloody done! Go and live your best life, enjoy the freedom, and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with leaving. It's bliss.

CallsignBorzoi 2

Props to you bro. I wish you the best of luck!!

19728774151 2

You are awesome!

SimplyAvocado 2

Congratulations on leaving!

DonHozy 2

The Force is with you, man!

LilaTookbank 2

Dear Neill, well done. You are so brave to leave and aim for a better life for yourself, a life you deserve. I did the same and can say that it was most definitely worth it. In terms of the ultimatum to your dad: as horrible as it sounds, I wouldn't bother. He had his chance all these years and didn't leave, and does her work for her. I did give an ultimatum and it turned into a very long talk in which it was clear that they'd never leave ("Even if we separated, we have been part of eachother's lives for years. You don't just end that if you separate"). I'd say focus on your own happiness, and let those two sort their own out. If they did separate, I'm sure you'd hear. But I wouldn't count on it. You count most now. Go live your life, I applaud your courage. Sending hugs <3

bopper71 2

Congrats Mate!! 😘 🙋🏻‍♀️

MobileSoC 2

✋

MindlessCandidate 2

This gives me hope on having freedom someday, good luck and take care!

tattoovamp 1

Congrats!!!!! So happy for you.

BestExplanation 1

Proud of you Neill. You got this! It's your time!

dcarmichael71 1

I'm sure that was the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but know this. It will get better. You won't even believe how fast things get better. We are all pulling for you and care about you and are proud of you.

SpecialSand 1

Congratulations!!
I'm wicked proud of you! You took your LIFE back, man.

Thank you for proving to the younger RBN survivors that they CAN take control over their lives.

I wish I had known and done the same when I was your age. I lost so much time and so much of myself, convinced I was a prisoner.

Thank you for giving hope to others in your position. Congratulations again. I'm rooting for you!

mamaknittinbitch 1

Good for you!!

Ragingredblue 1

Congratulations! Interesting that your father would call you a coward for leaving, when he is the coward for allowing all the abuse in the first place. I wish you a wonderful happy life.

I_Like_Turtles_Too 1

I'm so proud of you!!

starshinedrop 1

I am beyond proud of you. You are strong and from here stuff's just going to be better. Well done.

Brightsidedown 1

I wish I had the courage to do that when I was 18. Good for you!! Dont ever let them lure you back in. Big hugs.

chocodonutsprinkles 1

Congrats! It might be difficult but you’ve already done the most difficult part, stay strong and know that you’re doing the right thing for yourself

slimforty 1

Well done! Now stay strong they’ll tell you you won’t survive without them, but you will

ConsistentBeach 1

This is amazing! Congrats for getting out, your life will only get better from here Neill. Best of luck!

luke_montana 1

I’m so proud of you man, this is a big step! Hope things get much better for you.

amaddiea 1

IM FUCKIN PROUD OF YOU. LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST NOW. HERES TO HAPPINESS 🍾🍾🍾

idontknowwhatitshoul 1

So proud of you, and so happy you are no longer in a bad situation! What you did takes real guts, and I admire you for that.

SubRedditAddicted 1

You are amazing and brave and congratulations to you on your freedom!! Don't look back just keep on forward and when times are hard, and they will be, think of why you left so you do not go back for more.
If you lose 2 grand, it's the price you pay for your freedom. Good luck with your brave new future! The sky is the limit. 😊

fleshfaced 1

This was NOT "giving up." And it definitely wasn't cowardice. This was undoubtedly one of the hardest, bravest things you've probably had to do, and you did it. Good for you. If you start to feel guilt, think of it as the last symptoms of a disease you're getting over. Everyone who gets the flu still coughs for a while after the worst is over, but that goes away too, right? So will this. Just takes time.

N3rdyBlackSmith 1

Congratulations. I know it’s a big scary step but I have complete faith in your ability to come through this

returntohaddonfeild 1

I'm glad you got out when you did, congratulations. If I'd been able to do that (they made sure I couldn't, but,) I wouldn't have been gang-raped by my family at 19, and my life would be very different today.

CheesecakeGobbler 1

Congratulations Neill! I hope you enjoy every breath of freedom from now on. All the very best in your second innings in life.

I hope you get your money back too!

Good luck!

fshowcars 1

If you are anywhere near PA and need a hand, reach out!

AutoModerator

This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.

Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!

This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.

Our rules include (but are not limited to):

No politics.

Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.

Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. No slurs or victim-blaming.