Just Like The Hunger Games, Jennifer Lawrence’s New Movie Serena Also Involves Child Murder

The first photo of Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper in Serena is out and the movie reminds me of that old saying. What is it again? You can take the girl out of The Hunger Games, but you can’t take the love of murdering children out of the girl. Yep, I think that’s it. My grandmother has that stitched onto a pillow somewhere.

The movie’s about George and Serena Pemberton, a beautiful newlywed couple in the 1930s, who do the newlywed thing and move to North Carolina and attempt to take over the timber industry. That’s a newlywed thing you know. What, you don’t know? You’ve got to spend more time on Pinterest then, they’re obsessed with cutesty little photos of timber industry themed weddings.

Anyways, it’s all fun and lumber until Serena’s infertile and George has an illegitimate son. Guys, always avoid the two infamous “i’s ” when it comes to making a movie marriage work. Infertility and illegitimacy are game changers and usually not in a good way. (Cue the scary music.) So natch, Serena Pemberton’s very upset about her husband’s illegitimate son and sets out to murder him.

That’s what devoted wives do. They get rid of the evidence. Especially when that evidence stands to inherit a lot of money. So it’s almost goes without saying that Jennifer Lawrence is once again playing a Katniss-Everdeen-type heroine. Ridding the world of illegitamte children who could potentially take over the timber industry.

How does this movie end? I assume with Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper fighting naked in a forest of dead lumber. But that’s just the cinematographer inside of me speaking. I don’t really know if it will follow the cliche 1930s timber industry path or it will do something new and exciting. Like have Serena Pemberton leave her no-good-cheating husband to open up a gluten-free bakery with Peeta Mellark.

We have to wait allll the way until 2013 to find out. Until then, may the odds your husband doesn’t cheat on you and leave you with a scandalous illegitimate child ever be in your favor.