We were on hand at New York City’s AMC Loews Lincoln Square for the epic battle of opening-weekend opposites—Kingsman: The Secret Service versus Fifty Shades of Grey. We polled couples as they headed in and out of showings to see who selected the evening’s entertainment, and why. In case you were wondering about the differences between the two films, Richard Lawson,Vanity Fair’s film critic, calls Kingsman an entertaining comedy, but “if you’re squeamish about senseless death and bright-hued gore, you might want to steer clear.” Lawson dubs Fifty Shades “a surprisingly winning adaptation of the runaway Twilight-fan-fiction-turned-bondage-fantasy novel.” So did Colin Firth kicking secret agent butt beat out Jamie Dornan spanking Dakota Johnson butt? We’ll let these nine couples take it from here.

Edlira Shteto and Alberto Nicolis chose Kingsman.

Alberto Nicolis and Edlira Shteto had just exited their film of choice. “Both of us decided on Kingsman,” said Alberto. “We were looking at Flixter . . . we wanted to watch a fun movie.” Edlira added, “We had low expectations—it was entertaining!”

Jose Martinez and Katherine Diaz chose Fifty Shades.

We caught up with Jose Martinez and Katherine Diaz at the ticket counter—they’d just purchased three passes to Fifty Shades of Grey. “Me and my sister wanted to come watch this, so we’re bringing him, too,” said Katherine. Jose joked that he was valiantly joining the ladies against his will, but conceded, “It didn’t take too much convincing, honestly. I’m cool with it, I’m looking forward to it.” “See?” Katherine nudged. “For the record, you were not dragged here!”

Diana Horowitz and Alain Machu were emphatic about their pick as they headed into Kingsman. “It was both of our ideas,” said Alain. “We’ve been waiting with baited breath for it to come out,” added Diana. “I’m a big Colin Firth fan, and also a big fan of Marvel. So to bring it all together is kind of perfect.”

When asked why another couple—who declined to share their names—opted to see Kingsman, the gentleman said, “I’m married—I pick nothing. That’s why I’m happily married!” Laughing, his wife added, “We both saw the previews—it looks like fun and we love Colin Firth.” As they ascended the escalator, she turned to shout, “Those people in Fifty Shades are too unattractive to look at, anyway!” Sick burn, anonymous.

“I read the book and I wanted to see the movie, and then I made him come with me,” Julia Lawant-Nelson admitted, of her husband Lane Nelson’s accompaniment to Fifty Shades of Grey. “To be honest, I’m a little bit excited about seeing it just because she’s been excited to see it, and the concept is pretty interesting,” Lane said. “It’s better than a chick flick—it’s certainly a better outcome than those movies!” added Julia. Lane nodded effusively (we didn’t tell him there’d be a trailer for the next Nicholas Sparks adaptation, The Longest Ride, before their showing).

Rafaele and William, both 21, bought tickets to see Fifty Shades of Grey upon Rafaele’s urging. “She didn’t have to [convince me], because we love going to the cinema together,” said William. “We’re going to see Kingsman tomorrow,” Rafaele added. So how did Fifty Shades win out as the first showing? According to William, “It’s kind of a negotiation.” Hopefully there wasn’t a Christian Grey–style contract involved.

Keith Lee and Euna Park chose Fifty Shades.

Euna Park and Keith Lee turned the tables a bit—it was Keith’s idea to see Fifty Shades of Grey. “He’s been obsessed with it,” said Euna. “I haven’t read it, but I’ve heard a lot about it,” Keith explained. So did Euna require a lot of coaxing to accompany her boyfriend to the steamy screening? “At first I was a little apprehensive,” she said. “But I watched a featurette about Ana’s character evolving over the course of the movie and that got me more interested.” A solid win for the Focus Features marketing team.

Destiny, Efrin, Rachel, and Oren went on a double date to see Fifty Shades of Grey, and the women fully admitted they conspired to make the outing happen. “She read the books,” said Rachel, motioning to Destiny, “and then I saw the trailer and I was really psyched about it.” “I wasn’t dragged,” Oren clarified. “I’m somewhat familiar with the concept.” Efrin freely admitted he took this one for the team, though the guys said they enjoyed it. “I want to read the books now,” Rachel added. “I might read them, too,” Oren added.

So, of those who agreed to chat with us, the full tally comes to: three couples for Kingsman and six for Fifty Shades. Ironically, Shades’s titular character Christian Grey is based on Twilight’s Edward Cullen, who author Stephenie Meyer cites is loosely based on Pride and Prejudice’s Mr. Darcy—a role made iconic by Firth. Too bad Jane Austen didn’t have the foresight to toss in a B.D.S.M. subplot.