My "5 Wishes"

1. Health care representative -The person I want to make decisions for me: I will be making decisions for myself (like what I am already attempting to do here) but for other matters (like which doctor, which hospital), in the absence of any clear directive or of a clearly identified preference my family can decide on that. The health care agent I am assigning will come into play only in a situation where an 'end-of-life' decision may have to be made (i.e., whether to already 'pull the plug') and is meant to make sure that my health directive is honored and implemented (see number 2).

I am assigning Dr. S or Dr. L of the Philosophy department in Diliman as my health care representative.

I am choosing a non-relative for two reasons: 1) my family might have qualms implementing the directive, they being Catholic conservatives, and 2) to maintain some emotional distance - to prevent emotions from clouding their judgment.

2. Living will - The kind of treatment I want and do not want:Quick facts about me: 1.I have low tolerance for pain2.I can be squeamish at times.3.I'm a fighter though.4.I put a high premium on human dignity.5.In extreme cases I might have to choose 'quality' over 'sanctity' of life.6.I want a full life, not just mere existence.7.I do not want to place undue burden on my family.8.I value self-reliance, independence, freedom9.I'm a believer.

In case of a coma or PVS – give me three days (72 hours to be exact): All the fighting I can do I will do within that period. Should there be a miracle (I also believe in miracles but there might be things better than a particular miracle at that moment), I want everyone to understand/interpret His decision/will (manifested in a miracle or absence thereof) within the context of a 3-day wait and see period. After 3 days have elapsed and there are no signs of improvement and my condition has been deemed irreversible (which a doctor can verify based on medical standards), the plug may finally be pulled, and my health care proxy can and should attest that that is what I want.

For organ donation – sure, I will donate my eyes (though I'm afraid they might not be of any use by then), heart, liver, and kidneys, if still okay. Organ donation only for transplantation – NOT for some experiment or as study specimen. My family/close friends/relatives, should they have a need for it, should be first in the list of possible recipients, priority determined by ties. For donation to a recipient unknown to my family – hospital rules should be applied. The recipient(s) however should agree to have cremation when they die.

I would accept blood only from immediate relatives (J,J,J)except in extreme/emergency cases but even in those cases please ensure safe, clean blood.

In case of terminal illness (which will not happen and here discussed only hypothetically), I would fight with all my might. Should there be no signs of winning the battle and is already in its late stage, palliative care/pain management only. DNI (Do not intubate), DNR (Do not resuscitate), AND. I will even allow terminal sedation (TS). This is a Ulysses Pact, so my health care proxy is free to implement it.

3. How comfortable do I want to be:I have an acute sense of smell and the most vulnerable parts of my body I think are the nasal cavity, throat, and lungs. (I can work in a fragrance company as a “nose”. I can smell even the slightest hint of something and may develop allergies/irritations as a result of that....which means I can't work as a 'nose' after all). I don't want a room that smells like a hospital, that smells like a sick person's room. I want it ultra clean, no smell of some domex or zonrox and any other cleanser/disinfectant especially if it just masks the smell of whatever putrid thing. I want a natural clean fresh scent.I want to stay clean.I love to receive flowers – lots of them (sick or not).I might not like too much noise.

4. How I want people to treat me:If I'm not here in the country I want to go back and stay here.I am very particular with privacy and dignity. I want things done in private.I want gender-sensitive doctors/nurses. I want those who really care and have a heart.I prefer to just stay home....maybe in our farm in the province.And again, I love to receive flowers.

5. What I want my family to know and last wishes:

I want my family – my own and the one I'm part of – to know that they've always been first in my heart, that my journey with them was really amazing, that I think they were especially chosen for me, that if given a chance I would choose to share life with them again, and that in the after-life I really would love to see them again and I would want us to 'recognize' each other as the same people who shared a bond or ties.There is nothing that needs to be forgiven (or put differently, everything is forgiven). I have no regrets. I strongly advice my own child (no I don't have one yet, let's see), my siblings and their children, and everyone else younger ones especially to strive to be good persons and to live good, fulfilling, and meaningful lives.

There might be senti moments (and I hope there are not many)– I want only immediate family members/closest relatives and closest friends to cry with me, the rest – laugh with me. No pitying. Even during the crying moments we should not be crying because of pity but rather because of what we stand to miss. (sob. sob.)

I will spend my last days writing (poems, prose, stories), reading (poems and good books), looking at or enjoying my portfolio/s, talking about Metaphysics & Theosophy & Taoism & Einstein & Quantum Physics, and listening to Yruma & Yanni & Groban, and if still possible, going nature tripping (now who says we're talking about being sick).

No viewing, closed casket. Just maybe a 'stroll down memory lane' - with some video or pictures presentation (complete with animation), chat with friends/relatives – good warm chat, if possible no more crying.

No gambling PLEASE. (In the province it's like that.)

I'm afraid of worms and anything that crawls – I go for cremation. My family can decide on what to do with the ashes.

No posthumous medical procedure on my body or any part and extension of it whatsoever except for organ donation and as outlined above.

I am very particular with the things I own, I would even say that I'm attached to them. So I want things I'm leaving behind to be properly taken care of.[i]

I, John Patrick Elchico Dela Cruz, of legal and moral standing, currently residing at 405 Interior A. Mabini Street, Caloocan City, student of Political Science at the University of the Philippines Manila, do hereby issue these “Advance Healthcare Directives” which would take effect upon the occurrence of the following circumstances:

(1) That a healthcare representative be delegated with the duty to decide, on my behalf in the event that I may not be able to discharge my normal functions and duties well, viable healthcare options specially on matters with utmost sensitivity, e.g. life threatening situation; and that I personally choose my father and/or mother to perform the said role, as they have been with me throughout my lifetime and believing that as parents, they know what is best for me;(2) That during my crucial moments, as may have been caused by a terminal illness or a result of complications, my family members, partner, friends, and close keens be given quality time to spend with me and be allowed to express their thoughts and feelings freely related to my condition; that only my healthcare representative, given the demands of the situation, be allowed to decide without pressure or anything of that sort; that my body will be preserved until my burial and give the custody to my family and/or partner;(3) That during instances where hospitalization is needed, sanity shall be strictly imposed, needs are being well attended of, and that even my guardians and visitors be comfortable as much as possible;(4) That those who would be visiting me should avoid posing negative energies, emotions, gestures and create a similar atmosphere that in turn might aggravate my condition; regardless of how severe my condition is, my family, partner, friends, and close keens should maintain an ambiance of serenity and calmness;(5) That at the last moment of my life, I wish to let my family know how important they are to me, how much I love them, how much I am thankful to God for having them as my temporal companions, keeping me fulfilled throughout the rest of my life, and for promoting at all times my welfare; and that I would like them to prod on despite my inevitable absence.

[1] The person I want to decide for me in case I can not decide for my own will be my parents. They have been with me all through my life and they fully know what is right for me

[2] In case of terminal illness I want to be treated like I am a healthy person. I do not want to be pitied, during times of serious illness I want everybody to come visit me once in a while. Bring me flowers and lots of fruits. Carpe Diem. Treat everyday as if it were my last. Make everyday a happy day so it would count with the good memories that i will be leaving behind.

[3] I want to be as comfortable as can be. In case I'm in a hospital make sure that there is a book that i can read, a blue pen and a notebook in which I can write my thoughts on. If I'm home, please keep my surrounding clean. I am very irritated with clutter.

[4] Like what I have said in number two, I want to be treated as if I am healthy. Do not pity me. Send me flowers, my favorite is the white stargazer lily. I love parties and family gatherings, so please always have one with me.

[5] To My Family, I would like to thank you for taking care of me during good and bad times. you have been my strength. Even if I do not say it I do love you all. I am sorry for the wrong things that i have done, please forgive me. Take care of each other.

My Last Wishes: On my last day on earth, I want my family and closest relatives to be with me. Let us reminisce the good times. On my wake there should be no alcoholic drink, no cigarettes, no gambling and no crying. Keep in mind that I will be in a happy and peaceful place. I would prefer to be cremated than to be buried.

My family can keep away my old clothes and stuff EXCEPT my books. I want to share it with everyone. Take good care of my books like the way i took care of it. The pages of the books should not have any fold or writing whatsoever. Put all my books in a case where it could be protected from dust. Let the children read my books, guide them so that they will not tear it, let them learn from the books that I have read. Never put them on a garage sale neither give them away.

There is a notebook that I keep, its a green notebook. it is my journal. It is where i have written all my deepest emotions and secrets. My family should read it . I may have some other things that I would like you to know about.

(1) The person I want to make decisions for me when I can’t is my cousin, Micaela. I want her to be my health care representative, first of all, because she is my closest among my relatives. We are together for almost 20 years of my life that is why she knows me very well. She knows my attitude so much, how vain I am, how I want to stay beautiful, what I want, and what makes me happy. Aside from being a relative, she is also a (graduating) nursing student. With her background in medicine, she, among all our relatives, knows the best for my body and other medical aspects. I know she would make the best decision/s when the time comes that I can’t.

(2) Of course no one wants to die and would do anything to survive. However, I do not want to live if I am in a condition that makes me look very artificial. Meaning, in case of being in a coma, I do not want lots of tubes inserted in my body. I only allow tubation for breathing, yet not for so long, approximately for only a month. Lengthening the time of tubation will lead to the inflammation of my esophagus, which I really do not like. If it needs to be prolonged (the tubation), then I do not accept it. I do not want other kinds of tubation, for example the ones for throat and the stomach that need to cut the said part in order to insert the tube, because it will somehow damage my body, and will make me look so weak, unpleasant to see and miserable.

(3) How comfortable I want to be? Definitely, very comfortable! I want to be cared so much as a V.I.P. At least twice a day I want to be sponge bathed. I want a bed with the right softness. I want my room air-conditioned and always being cleaned. I also want a quiet place. They can bring flowers but not so much because too much flowers give a different odor on the room.

(4) I want people to treat me like a baby –a very precious being. Those who will visit should somehow talk to me or share their happy stories, but they must not be noisy. I am just sleeping and I do not want such noise that annoys me. There should always be at least one person seeing me. If I have a special someone, boyfriend, or husband, when I am at this condition, he should be always by my side.

(5) I think the best person to tell my family about my condition, whether I will be in a coma or will soon die, is my doctor because it will be true, straight to the point, and will be easier to be told to them my condition because he/she does not have close relation with me.

If it will be really impossible for me to live or be awaken again, then I do not want to prolong my life, technically speaking. As I have said earlier, if I am in a coma, I must at most be supported by artificial means for a month. Any machine that makes me breathe must be removed to let me leave this world. I will not ask my loved ones not to cry (for some, they do not want their loved ones or other persons to cry). For me, it is better for them to cry to release what is inside them, but not for so long. They can cry but must not be angry of my decisions. They must accept my departure because in any way, it will soon happen to me. Prolonging my life will just make it more difficult for them to move on.

For my funeral, definitely I want to hold it where I currently reside (in Bicol region, hopefully). I do not want the lightings and the music to look and sound so sad. The lightings should be bright. Mellow background music will do. I am still thinking if I want to be buried or cremated...

At this time, I really do not want to die. Why? It is mainly because of the expenditures. My real wish is that I would die in the moment when my family is in a stable condition, that my sister finally graduated in college, when we already have our own house, and when I finally bought a lot in a cemetery and had built a mausoleum for our family. Then, that is the moment that I will not be afraid to die. When I die, I know that I had served my family well and had done what I should do. I can leave this world without any guilt. I am not expressive of my thoughts but God knows how I love my family and how I want them to be in a good condition. I know that they also love me and that they will not forget me.

Health Care Representative - As long as I am sensible, I would want to make decisions for myself. Otherwise, I would want Kuya Paeng to make them for me. Kuya has looked after me ever since mama and papa went overseas. He would know what to do. He cares for me to make me live as long as I could but he also loves me enough to know when to let me go. In case he also gone by then since he is much older than me, I would like my bestfriend to be my representative. She knows the things I believe in and the things that I would want to happen.

Living Will - Any treatment should always be done in consideration of the financial limits. I would not want any person to incur debt or their future jeopardized because of me. - I will do whatever I can to survive as long as I am breathing mostly by myself. I may tolerate labored breathing that will be aided by a respirator. - I will give no approval to be attached to any life support system except for aided respiration through intubation. That tube will be removed after five days. If there is no improvement by then, let things happen the way they should. - If it is positively, definitely, accurately proven and predicted that I have no chance of survival after any treatment, I wish to be discharged from the hospital, snet home and be with my family. - I will only accept blood from someone I know (assuming that it is safe) - All my reusable parts shall be donated to any recipient needing of it. It sahll be used for causes such as cloning or genetic modification studies. - I shall only be resuscitated once. No attempt to revive me may be done after a second cardiac arrest.

How Comfortable I would want to be: - I would like to be too comfortable. I don't like the feeling of being too comfortable in a hospital. It makes me feel helpless. Even when I am at home. - I just want the kindness and respect given to me just as before I fell into that kind of illness or condition. I will only be extended help if there is really a need to do so. - The only that i would not want to have is bed sores.

How I would want to be treated: - I would not like to be a burden. I would not want one person to completely abandon his/her life just for me. (If its a nurse, obviously, she not abandon her life for taking care of me) - The future of any person shall not be jeopardized because of my condition. - All I ask for is someone to talk to. Sometimes I also would want to be alone to reflect on the life that I had.

What I want my family to know and last wishes: - I would want my family to know that I love them with all my heart. Every experience with them is cherished, good or bad. To my papa and mama, I would want them to know that even it does not show sometimes, I am eternally grateful for their support and love. There could be no other person in this world who love me the way they do, and I love them like no other. I want them to know that even if there is no way to give them back what they have sacrificed for me, they can be assured that it is very much appreciated. - I want every person that i have spent time with to know that there is no regrets. - All I ask is if there is someone or some pet that I will leave, I want them to be given the same care or more that I have given them when i was alive. - At the event of death, the persons that would be permitted to see me dead with be as minimal as possible. What should be remembered are the memories. I am no longer the person that is lying in a casket. It is was just a repository of my soul and now that my body has died, I am no longer there. - if there is great necessity to have a wake for me, it shall only last a day. No gambling. - I wish to have a mass before the burial, no for my body but for the people i left behind, to make them understand that death is not the end of all things. - All of my belongings, except those for the financial security of anyone that i will leave behind, will be at the discretion of my immediate family. they an do whatever they want with it.