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Whenever you are going through a phase; breakup or the like, everyone becomes your personal psychologist. You see advise pouring in from every corner, every person. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn’t. But, most of the times it confuses you. Of course! You can cry on their shoulder, that’s what good psychologists are for. But, the whole conflux of advice can leave you dizzy. When your brain has stopped functioning, what do you do? Whom do you follow?

1. Next Door Aunty

Even the aunty next door says things, “Beta, you look so sad! Have you not be eating well? Are you ill? Have you fought with someone?” Aunty’s uncanny knack of somehow knowing that you have broken up can be attributed to the gossip search software installed in each aunty. One way to hide away from being recognized as potential gossip source by deflecting the tracking device in the software is by saying, “NahinAunty, it’s just the change in weather.” She will give you the suspicious yet satisfied grunt before her software searches for another source.

2. God’s Official Spokespersons

“Yaar, it was for the best, yaar. Trust me, yaar, God has someone better for you. I promise you, yaar. Let him take your lead, yaar. Have full faith in him. He will guide you the best and has written your destiny before hand, yaar.” These are the words said by certain kinds of people who recently discover that they are official spokespersons for God and that being a pseudo sadhu can make things better. The best way to get rid of them is when they close their eyes meditating; engrossed in their new job of being god’s side-kick, make a run for the door. If breathing was all it took to make things right, heart-broken people would have breathed in their ex by now.

3. The Happy High Pal

“Single-dom is a blessing in disguise of a curse disguised as a blessing, but is more of a curse!” this line is just an example of the pearls of wisdom uttered by high friends when one’s going through a break-up. Then comes the attempt to sound super serious, with a gulp of another drink, “Look, it depends on your perspective! You can either let it stop you or learn from it!” Wow! And I didn’t think of that now, did I?

4. The Aggressive Feminist

Girls with a broken heart encounter these kinds of feminists more. According to these aggressive lassies, it’s a blessing in disguise to get rid of guys and men are all the same with no honour and no integrity. If you try and express your sadness, what you will get is an ultimatum to stop being so weak as men prey on women’s weakness and are the real villains. Apparently girls can do nothing wrong! If you want an escape route, contemplate faking a heart attack so that you can escape her or text a family member to intervene and call you on the pretext of some help required in the bank.

However, being ungrateful is not good and you should express gratitude in their heart for the immense support and love. You should thank your friends enough for being there for you when you needed them the most. But, the truth is that no matter the advice, unless you make up your mind and wish to move on, no one can really help you. You can get the horse to the pond, force his face near the water surface but can’t make him gulp it down. You can have tons of adorable-pseudo-psychologists but you can’t expect them to help you do your dirty work: moving on.