Tuesday, September 21, 2010

It keeps on going with me where ever I go. It follows me everywhere I go. Even after trying so hard cant get it out of me !! People are with me, but I'm somewhere else, in my world, in my dreams !! Thinking, that world will come to me somehow, someday. People are around me but I'm still alone.

That something follows me, whether its in form of words, fragrance, memories or what so ever. I'm completely out of it, I'm no where in it but its totally in me. Still holding on, still some hopes left !! It says to me "TAKE ME OUT OF YOU. DONT FALL INTO ME SO MUCH, AM JUST GONNA HURT U MORE 'N' MORE..."

Then why do I consider it MY WORLD, MY EVERYTHING ?? And now my trust in everything has gone... Fearing that I'll again start considering something my world and it will again go, leaving me alone in pain. As if it doesnt pain, as if am not a human being...

The only thing that it has taught me is to keep on a fake smile and pretending as if it doesnt hurt !! Am thankful to it that it made me strong enough and clever enough not to trust anyone blindly...

And now I dont cry anymore, its not because I have forgotten everything, its just because am tired of crying over it... Now I smile, hiding my tears behind my smile !!!

Monday, September 20, 2010

FIRST DROP OF RAIN FALLSON YOU… AND U JUST FEEL GREAT WHEN IT STARTS TO RAIN HEAVILY…

That feeling is just so amazing. THE FEELING OF GETTING WET IN THE FIRST RAIN. If u want to actually experience the magic of rainy season and its essence, the real place for it is MUMBAI… This city looks even more beautiful in rains. And the atmosphere is just awesome. U feel as if u are on some hill station. Its all kind of misty everywhere. Those hot corns and vada pav in cold weather, simply yum!!

This season looks even more romantic and beautiful in Mumbai. Its all green around you, small white streams of water falling from high hills. It does feel like u are in some heaven. Looking at the waves smashing on the rocks, sky all covered with black clouds which give them a different kind of view… All color mixed up, purple, orange, red… and can’t miss the city line merging with sea… Doesn’t this sound beautiful and just awesome…?

Walking on the streets, be it your friends or your partner and just feeling the rain makes this season even more beautiful. The best place to sit and enjoy the rains is Marine Drive. You can view tall buildings standing on one side and the cloudy sky above it.

I know other then having this beautiful part of rainy season, it also has a dangerous side which Mumbai has already seen. Who can forget the 26/7 tragedy? But here I just wanted to highlight its beautiful part.

Well now its almost the end of rains and am gonna miss them… But just last time want to spread my arms and feel it before it goes…

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I still remember month May and June... How difficult they were, for me and my parents. All hopes were drained out of me regarding my career, studies everything. But still keeping my mind strong I kept on believing that “It’s just a phase and it’s soon gonna get over.” Even my mom had some hope that I’ll land up some where which is good for me. But my dad he wasn’t really happy with me. We both didn’t talk to each other properly for almost one month. He wanted me to perform well in engineering exams and that is where I failed in living up to his wishes. But I was never able to tell him that “Dad it’s not what I want to do. Engineering was not really my thing.” But every time I tried to explain this to my dad I failed. Then after I realized the actual fear inside him. He just wanted a better and comfortable life for me, because he knows what it takes to reach a higher level. He just wanted me to survive in this world of competition. He himself struggled alot to reach where he is right now and didnt want to see that struggle in my life.But by the time I realized this, it was too late. But some where there was still a ray of hope in my life. It was the field of architecture. So finally I decided that COME WHAT MAY, but this time I won’t let my dad down. And at last I did it, I did clear architecture entrance exam. That was the time when my dad again started believing in me. All problems were solved and that ray of hope was now sun shine and its brightness was clearly seen on my parents faces… I brought that smile back on their faces and that was it… I felt so happy with myself…And now I promise to myself that I won’t ever let it fade….

Friday, September 3, 2010

MOVE ON… This is what people generally say to the person who is going through a bad time. “MOVE ON, THAT WAS PAST... LET IT GO AND THINK ABOUT FUTURE…” It’s so easy for those people to say who have never gone through it. But do they really understand what that person must be really going through. Holding on to some special and beautiful memories can be really painful at times. It’s more miserable when you are confused about what you feel and you are not able to explain it to anyone… EVEN TO YOURSELF… You are not sure what you want to do with those memories… Forget them or keep them in some corner of your heart..?? And you keep on asking to yourself “WAS THAT GOOD, WAS THAT BAD...? WAS IT WORTH THAT MUCH…?” And at the end you come up with absolutely no answers…

During this time you really need some one who can be with you and help you. But what if that person is really far from you and there no ways you can be together. It becomes even more painful. You are simply not able to concentrate on any thing and keep on getting more and more vulnerable to those feelings. Days become simply miserable. Your mind keeps on saying “LET IT GO!!” and your heart saying “BUT IT’S NOT THAT EASY DUDE!!”

One day u decide to kill all that feelings inside you and promise to yourself never falling into it ever again. But the other day u wake up finding yourself at the same cross roads. Keeping that fake smile and pretending to move on, but that pain keeps on eating u inside and you are not able to show it to any one. You are full of mixed emotions- LOVE, HATE, CONFUSION, HAPPY, SAD… All together it’s simply frustrating.

Saying "I dont care anymore.." and the other moment saying "You do care, you stupid !!". Stopping for a while and seeing around, you realise there are so many great things, but then it seems so incomplete. You keep on trying to fill that empty space by various things, but unsuccessful...

People around you are happy, trying to make you happy and smile... But everything seems so worthless with that incomplteness in your life. They say whatever happens, happens for a good reason. But you find absolutely nothing thats good about this pain.

YOU FEEL LIKE GOING TO SOME HILL TOP, CRYING YOUR HEART AND SAYING "WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO LET IT GO..??"