My goal is to write about my experiences, share what I have learned, and hopefully help someone deal with and free themselves from their narcissist. My secondary goal, is to let out all so much I have held in for years and quietly suffered. I do this as a means to continue to heal.

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About Me

I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic.
My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Monday, May 30, 2011

*roll of the eyes*

I am spending the summer with my kids. It's hard not to see them all the time. It was the price I had to pay to get away from crazy guy, but I knew in my heart that this too would only be temporary. Even they would eventually see the lunacy of his behavior.

As I was unpacking my oldest daughter's bag, I asked her why this time there were no vitamins packed... vitamins- one of the last resorts of the control freak. The last few times he would send a pack of vitamins on send illicit details on how to give it to the kids- which I complied without saying a word- just merely a roll of the eyes because I knew it was to get a rise out of me. Since he got none, I guess he just moved on to other ways of trying to keep control over me. Her answer to me was that dad did not pack the vitamins because I would just "throw them away". I asked her quite plainly- "have you ever seen me throw away your vitamins?" In which she replied, no. As I turned and rolled my eyes again.

What the narcissist doesn't realize in his delusional world that in trying to be the favored parent by making up insinuations and lies, he is trying just over time slowly revealing his true nature. Because even for his children, he cannot but show his true nature. He just simply cannot help himself. Even they will be able to see through the lies as they get older.

I've learned to just not play into his sophomoric chicanery. I just "roll my eyes". By being above his tactics of deception and lies, over time it becomes evident who the true victim and who the true liar is. I just laugh at his idiotic lame attempts at trying to make me into something I am not. Because in reality- he is scared. Scared that the kids will have a fantastic time with me and that when they are old enough they will be able to tell the judge that they prefer to live with mom. It's his fear that turns him into this ugly, pathetic person. He doesn't know how to behave through the fear in rational terms- so he resorts to deception, lies, and manipulation.

This resonates throughout every aspect of his life... scared that he will become insignificant at work- therefore he bolsters himself with fantastic accomplishments. Scared of getting old, therefore he becomes a shallow, vain shell of a being. Scared the others would learn the truth about them, therefore, therefore they aim to surround themselves with people they are secretly jealous of and want to be.

What a sad way to live a life. How tiring it must be to be so consummed with appearances or scared of their own shadows. Well to that, I roll my eyes, I stay quiet and live the best life, and I say "boo"- scared of me yet? because you should be. I am not one of those people you will manipulate any longer. You know that I know the truth about you. You also know that I see right through you for the hollow person you really are. But best of all, you know you won't get away with the lies and deception with me anymore.

2 comments:

I had something like that happen to me before. He lied to make himself look more responsible than I was. After asking me to help him clean an apartment after we moved out, he antagonized me behind my back with his mom, who was helping him move. I was too young to notice, but she said, "See? We have to clean this together." In a way that made me look like I was being neglectful/lazy on purpose.

In my case, it is role reversal, have been accused of being NPD on a public site (FB), no proof, and when I asked my mental health care professional she just about laughed, and said, no, you are defiantly not a narcissist.