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Broke Up Today

Oscar Wilde said that
the truth is rarely pure and never simple. Well I used to think that the truth
is always pure and simple; it is just about saying things as the way it is.
However, as I grow up my perspective got widened. And I think I begin to get
the point why Wilde said that. I guess I understand why he said that the truth
is rarely pure and never simple. First of all, I realize that telling the truth
is different from telling the fact or the reality. If something is valued as
“true”, then there is other thing that is valued as “false”. And now we come to
the second thing of all; whose value of “true” and “false” is that? Whether it
is the truth or the fact or the reality, it is just not as simple and pure as
telling things the way it is. It is all about perspective and interpretation of
who says that; and we are back to the classic Friedrich Nietzsche quote stated
that there is no fact among us, only interpretations. Hence, the truth is
rarely pure and never simple, since it contains perspective and interpretation
of the person who holds the truth and speaks of it. And when a romance
relationship is over, though it is the truth that it is over, it is rarely pure
and never simple.

“I should have stayed and told you
that I was hurt, our memories of love should have held you back. You live for
tomorrow, I live in today, there is no possibility that anyone or anything can
make me smile on this day.” –Younha, Broke Up Today (오늘헤어졌어요)

The song I would like
to write about this time is a Korean song titled “Broke Up Today (오늘헤어졌어요)”, performed by Korean singer-songwriter, Go Yoon Ha, or famously known
as her stage name, Younha. The melancholic ballad track was released on
December 11th 2009 as the lead single from her album, “Part B: Growing Season”.
This album is technically the singer’s fourth album, though officially it is only
a part of the third album as a whole, as referenced by the album title. “Broke
Up Today (오늘헤어졌어요)” was written by Lee Kwan and
Younha’s fellow singer-songwriter, Hwayobi. Lyrically, this sad song speaks
about the experience of a heartbreaking breakup, as the narrator of the song
finds it hard to accept the truth with all of the mixed-feelings while
wondering, “I suppose I just can’t be the
one; how much more will I have to cry before you love me?”

"Growing Season" album cover | source: www.lionmedia.co.kr

Listening to this
song makes me remember the day when I broke up with my then-boyfriend. Indeed,
the truth of breaking up is rarely pure and never simple. We can never got
prepared for a breakup no matter how bad the situation has been before and
until the breakup. Reality always hits hard whenever it is coming. The fact is
always hard to handle whenever we face it. We are lost for words. We got teary
eyes. We feel choked. We feel like our face is buried in the dirt. As many
words as we want to say, nothing comes out but a silent cry. As the silence is
creeping and being filled with tears, the anger is taking over, though we do not
really know what or who to blame. “After
covering up my face with a pure white muffler, I waited for you as I blinked my
red eyes. Those words I wanted to say, I’m still not sure exactly what they are
though. An awkward nod with a clogged throat, tears filled the empty space
between us as we took a step back. The anger rolled up in me as I yelled at you
to go, even though it seems I’ve already escaped far away.”

Listening to this
song makes me reminiscing the day when a romance relationship ended in the
past. Indeed, the truth of separation is rarely pure and never simple. We can
never be prepared for a separation no matter how clear and rational the reason
is. Reality always hits harsh whenever it is coming. The fact is always
difficult to accept whenever we face it. After the anger has passed, there is
train of thoughts that is coming in a heartbeat. And suddenly the memories of
those great and beautiful days spent together are floating in our mind. “The sound of your heartbeat rings and
echoes in my ear, the memory of your lips that I’ve locked away becomes
clearer. Since when and where did we were drifting apart, when you have loved
me until yesterday?” And we cannot help but wondering when and where things
went wrong, and what was the thing that went wrong exactly. It is because we
cannot just accept it right away. It is because it hurts. “The truth is, I was so happy that it hurts me more, I hate myself for
being deceived by love.”

When things were
wonderful, then where did it go wrong? When things were beautiful, then when
did it go wrong? When things were great, then what did go wrong? After the
painful memories have passed, there is this deep regret comes to the surface. The
regret comes from the guilty feeling as a form of self-defense mechanism. We tend
to blame ourselves by thinking that we should have done better to avoid the
breakup. “I should have stayed and told
you that I was hurt, our memories of love should have held you back. You live
for tomorrow, I live in today, there is no possibility that anyone or anything
can make me smile on this day.” After the regret comes, here comes another
realization that we have really broken up. In this state, sadness cannot be
avoided. And still, in the end, we tend to blame ourselves for what happened. “Broke up today, we’ve broken up, if you think
you could understand my heart, then please cry with me. I supposed that I just
can’t be the one, I suppose that I’m just not, how much longer do I have to cry
until you could love me properly?”

"Growing Season" album jacket photo | source: www.lionmedia.co.kr

The thing about a breakup
is that it is never a both ways decision. Hence in accepting the truth of a
breakup (which is rarely pure and never simple) people will put up their
self-defense mechanism. There are some steps they have to go through first
before they could reach the state of acceptance. And there are different ways
for every person. For some people, their way of self-defense is blaming
themselves. They tend to blame themselves by thinking that it is all indeed
their own fault that the relationship is over; that they did not do their best
while they could, that they did not treat their significant other well while
they were together, that they did not give the best for their partner. They tend
to blame themselves by thinking that everything still could be fixed yet they
did not do their best effort to fix it. They tend to blame themselves by
thinking that they are indeed not good enough for their significant other and
did not deserve the love; that they do deserve to get hurt like this. Well, I
was that kind of people too. I tend to blame myself too as a form of my
self-defense mechanism in being hurt. Though I understand that it is not entirely
true; how could I fix anything if the
decision itself is one-sided? No matter what I said, he would never be able
to stay. No matter how long I have cried, he would never be able to love me
properly. No matter how hard I have tried, I would never be able to be the one.
And that is the thing about accepting the truth: it is rarely pure, never simple,
and always bitter.

“Broke up today, we’ve broken up,
if you think you could understand my heart, then please cry with me. I supposed
that I just can’t be the one, I suppose that I’m just not, how much longer do I
have to cry until you could love me properly?” –Younha, Broke Up Today (오늘헤어졌어요)