Question

Posted by: Nonti | 2012/11/15

Angry woman

I have a 2 year old daughter with a man I had a relationship with. He was married at the time and is still married to his wife. I had a fight with his wife, coz I called the house looking for him urgently coz he was not answering his cell. I had to take our daughter to a Dr &amp I needed to pay cash coz, his medical aid has run out of funds. I called twice and each time she answered &amp I put the phone down coz I didn’ t need to speak to her and it was none of her business why I needed to speak to the father of my child. When I called the 3rd time she called me names &amp when I told her the reason why I needed to speak to the father of my child, she told me to go to hell and pay for my daughter coz she had to pay for her own kids &amp my daughter was not her concern. This woman is a bitter, angry person who is taking her frustration and hatred of me on my child. My child is innocent and deserves to have a home and care like this woman’ s kids. I am not the one who broke the marriage vows, her husband did, and I should not be held responsible for it. She has also influenced him against me coz I cannot talk to him privately without this highly righteous cow interfering.

Our expert says:

Why, why, wahy ever have a relationship with a married man, let alone choose to have a child by him ? As you discovered, he stayed with his wife.
DOn't be so harsh about the wife - it IS her business if her husband chose to cheat on her and have a child by some other woman, and if he has to pay money out of the family, to support this other child. Of course she is angry to discover this - she is indeed wrong to in any way take it out on the innocent child, but she doesn't have to like you yourself. Her husband could not have broken his marriage vows without your very active assistance and encouragement, so don't convince yourself you're entirely blameless here. YOU are entirely responsible for the choices you made and for your behaviours and their consequences, too. YOU chose to limit your child's access to love from two parents and to other good things in life, by choosing to have unprotected sex with a married man who was not at all likely to marry you.
If you can establish that this is his child, go to the Maintenance Court and have the court decide how much maintenance he should pay each month for the benefit of the child. The he would be in serious trouble with the court if he did NOT pay what the court decided, and would need to contact you strictly about the child's needs.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:

Posted by: Garth | 2012/11/20

You got what you deserve - you should''ve stayed out of a married man''s bed! What do you expect from his wife? Sympathy, good treatment, to welcome you into their lives with open arms? Did you think of her at all when you were shagging him?? No I don''t think so. Karma gave you one big bite of your-|-didn''t it? Think of the consequences before you screw around with a married man!

Posted by: Ella | 2012/11/16

Well I never! You are the righteous interfering cow! Were you not well aware of the fact that this man (read coward) had a wife and family yet you chose to still have a relationship with him and bring an (innocent) child into this world? Now its everybody elses fault but your own! You have a cheek! If I were in that so called &quot angry lady''s'' shoes I sure as hell would have posted my cheating husband to you - with compliments!

Posted by: nikky | 2012/11/16

You are angry bitch,not woman as you don''t respect another woman''s family, you were a mistress and your contract is finish go and spread your legs for another marriedman stop calling his wife there is no more privacy between you and her husband your game is over go out and find another married guy.

Posted by: Just Saying | 2012/11/15

Nonti, you are one seriously delusional child! Yes, I called you a child, as no responsible woman would behave in this way. You wreck a home, you have the audacity to call the poor lady''s home, you have the cheek to demand to speak to her husband, you naively state its none of her business (sorry - who is married to this man?). You say she has influcenced him against you and won''t allow him to speak to you! Are you surprised? You say your child has a right to a home and care? Just a thought - maybe you should have chosen a man who was not already someone''s husband? For heavens sake wake up and smell the roses. You are not going to get any sympathy here. Wake up, no better still, grow up.

Posted by: jazz | 2012/11/15

basicall whats done is done... no use crying over spilt milk. the issue @ hand is how you are going to move forward. yes your child is the innocent one but that leaves you to protect her.

the mature decision is to communicate with the wife to find a civil way in which to resolve this issue. the husband needs to be present because as much as this child is coming out of an affair, the child needs to be cared for by both parents despite the circumstances.

you need to also determine if the husband is willing to be of help because you wouldnt want your child feeling like a burden at a later stage. be a little bit independent not for you but for your innocent child.

if the husband does not want to stand up as a man as face his responsibilities then you can do this without him. dont lower your self respect by begging for attention and money. Show your child that you can be an example and not someone who had unprotected sex with a married man.

Posted by: MN | 2012/11/15

Actually you are one delusional nut case “ Angry woman” , no seriously you are mad and I wonder what kind of mother you are. If I were you, I would be soooooo ashamed that I had an affair with a married man and went a step ahead by bringing an innocent child in the mix of your nonsense. Yes dating a married is nonsense! Where are your morals? Do you actually look yourself in the mirror and say well done ? Like I said I would be sooooooooo ashamed, my parents for one would kill me because they wouldn’ t have raised me to be a home-wrecker and thereby earn my innocent child the utterly distasteful name of being called a bastard child. You must be very young and insanely stupid to think your behaviour is worth defending! Grow up and take responsibility for your stupid actions, pay your way… .its your child afterall!

Posted by: Kelly | 2012/11/15

Haaibo! So harsh, so harsh but I have to agree!You reap what you sow lady.I actually feel sorry for his wife, with your attitude!Get you maintenance, give the father access to the child and then learn to provide you share too.

Posted by: James | 2012/11/15

Typical woman, always someone elses fault, never your own!!!! Accept responsibility for your actions and stop trying to shift the blame. YOU are just as guilty as him for entering into conduct outside of his vows!!!

Posted by: Angel | 2012/11/15

Shame on you angry woman,do you really expert us to symphathise with you after all you have done.Go get yourself a job and look after that child and please thi forum is for more important issues,actuallly this concern was supposed to be written by the man''s wife asking for advise since you trapped her man with a child and not virce versa.

Posted by: Sonto | 2012/11/15

Nonti who the hell pays for this poor wife''s kids when their medical aid runs out of funds? The wife does!! your child is not her responsibility, you choose to impose yourself in her family life by 1st having an affair, (Not a relationship) as you put it, you cheated with her husband finish and klaar, so deal with the consequences of screwing around with a married man. You have already impacted on the family budget to selfishly and I am certain deliberately having a child by him.

Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/15

So Angry woman, what have you decided to do now? Of course you are responsible too and are to be blamed. Not so innocent after all! You''d better get a good job where you can support your child. Hopefullly the man will also pay part for the child''s needs, too.

Posted by: Anon | 2012/11/15

Actually it''s very much her bussiness why you need to talk to HER husband. She''s also entitled to be bitter and angry, what were you expecting? For her to welcome you and this child into her life with open arms? Ofcourse it''s sad that your child is getting caught in the cross fire here, but can you seriously blame this lady for being peeved off at you? Does it seem so unreasonable of her?? You had sex with him and you somehow expect from her to let the two of you chat privately, I would monitor what it going on too if I were in her position. And there is no need for you discuss anything related to the child with him privately, if there is money involved she should be aware because it has an effect on their family earnings and what they can provide their kids with aswell.

You honestly have no idea what horrible spot you have put this innocent woman in, she can''t just cut you from her life and move on because there''s a innocent child involved and now she must live it and deal with it because you and her husband acted so selfishly. How about some sympathy for all the pain you have caused her?

And yes, your child SHOULD have access to all these things, to good health care, proper education, a nice home, a loving family. YOU should have thought about that before having sex with a man who already had a wife and children.

This lady is not the one denying your child these things, YOU denied her these things when you acted so irresponsibly and got involved with a married man. And yes, you should be held responsible, it takes two after all? Stop trying to throw all the blame on others and take some responsibility for the choices you have made in your life. Unless you have taken this man to court, the child is legally your responsibility to care for.

Posted by: Mandisa | 2012/11/15

Nonti, sorry to say this, but YOU are the cow here, not your lover''s (that''s all he is to you) wife. You should have known better than to have sex (that''s all it was too) with a married man - nevermind that you didnt use protection and cause an innocent child to come into this world.

And by the way IT IS his wife''s business if you are constantly calling the home phone. If he isnt answering his cell, he is simply done with you and probably has moved onto another nyatsi.

Posted by: danie | 2012/11/15

Haaibo Sisi, you could you want to disturb a lady in her own space with some silly attitude. You have no right to be angry with that Lady as you are the one who is at fault with her husband, you are and outsider and you will always be.

Ofcourse the child is innocent but you have put her her life and future in a tricky messy situation, so grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

Posted by: Anon | 2012/11/15

Of course you are not the innocent party! You helped him break his vows did you not. If you need to contact him. have the dencency not to phone her home. He has a cell phone, if he wanted to speak to you he would answer it. You getting exactly what you deserve. Pay you own medical bills

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