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A rising chorus of global financial leaders is demanding that the rock star Bono become more
actively involved in resolving the current crisis in the world's equity markets, sources said
today.

Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan was the first to call for U2's lead singer to
step up his involvement, telling Congress last week, "There is only so much that lowering
interest rates can do. What this market really needs is Bono."

President Bush, while attempting today to sound upbeat about the state of the economy, made
no secret of his wish that the Irish rocker would roll up his sleeves and calm the roiling
markets.

"I think there's nothing wrong with the global economy that Mr. Bono couldn't fix," the President
said, apparently unaware that Bono is not Bono's last name.

But a spokesman for the International Monetary fund was less charitable, ripping the
Grammy-winning Bono for his hands-off approach to the stunning crash in share prices.

"Bono may like to sing 'It's a Beautiful Day,' but for those who depend upon equities to finance
their retirement, it is most decidedly anything but," the IMF spokesman said.

Bono, who is currently sailing the world on a 4-month Princess cruise with Treasury Secretary
Paul O'Neill, struck back at his critics late this afternoon.

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, a former president of the Harvard Lampoon, is a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville. He is the author, most recently, of "Trillionaire Next Door: The Greedy Investor's Guide to Day Trading" and "Rationalizations to Live By". Comments by clicking here. Visit his website by clicking here.