Results to some speculations….

29Apr

“Honestly speaking, I did not get any inclination towards him after his several approaches. I even did not want to think about that matter. But still he was trying his level best after my university life also. Ultimately I decided to take a decision…ignoring my feelings. My sympathy was stronger than my feelings. I felt sorry for that guy who fell in love with me so deeply and so innocently. Finally I accepted his proposal and we decided to begin a new life ahead. At the eve of the New Year, we planned to meet at some restaurant and decided to finalize our future plan and to disclose the matter in our friends. I went there before time, because slowly I also started feeling some thing extra for him which I never imagined to feel like that in my life. I waited there for some several hours…but he did not come. I could not understand what might be the reason of his absence. His mobile also got switched off at that time. After a long time waiting, I left the place with some unknown feelings. Next day, on the first day of that year, I got the first call from him. Without wishing him for the New Year, I repeatedly asked him the exact reason of his previous day’s absence. To my great surprise, he replied that he simply wanted to play the same role which I was playing with him for several years….from the university life to today’s date. He infact cleared me that he had no such stupid feelings with such a non sense girl like me. Whatever he said and did with me that was nothing but his one type of revenge which he decided to take on me just after my rejection. Since he got the success in his way, so from that day onwards it was better for both of us to get separated. That was the ultimate thing I ever got hurt in my life.”

This is the story of my friend, who started weeping in front of me telling her story in which she was used so pathetically. Listening to her, I could not speak a single word. Her feelings and sentiments were really played by some one….she might not be hurt so deeply if he would reject her in return. But she was victimized for whatever she said years back. And the whole episode was spreaded in their friends for which she had to escape from the questions raised on her character.

Due to some TECHNICAL reasons, I also had to cancel my almost finalized marriage. That was decided solely in a stable mental and physical status. More than this, it was decided with a firm and determined spiritual logic with some practical views. That was the closed chapter of my life….closed means closed which has no further chances to re open it again or to analyze the things again. That was a gone case for me. That was a chapter which was known to all of my friends. So when it got cancelled, I personally informed to those who knew about it, some of which suggested me to think it again whereas some appreciated me for my bold decision.

Any way, I did not get much time to think whatever I had passed through. One thing I decided that whatever be my next step that must be taken practically, not emotionally. After several months later, in between my hectic schedule, I again stepped to a wrong path which was totally vague in my eyes. I got interested with one of my colleagues whom I liked from the very beginning. Honestly speaking, I liked his personality, his talking style, his attitude and more than those his views towards the life. But the episode got closed at the very beginning due to some technical and personal reasons. Upto that, things were going smoothly on their way. Nothing to be worried about, nothing to be taken personally, nothing to take any revenge in return. We were moving on our individual ways to our destinations. But things could not be remained so secretly. How much I tried to be COOL in my way, ultimately it was shown in my face that there was running some thing in my life which I kept silently in my heart. I was insisted continuously by my friend to share the matter with him.

After several days’ continuous force, ultimately I opened my mouth granting my friend to be the most trusted one in my life. That was the biggest mistake I had ever done in my life. He listened every thing very patiently about the never started one sided episode of my life. But parallely he shared my story with some one who informed my colleague about the whole episode. My colleague took the incident in some other way….he thought that now I used my friend to convince him to grow his feelings for me. That mattered something on my character also which could not be tolerated any more for any girl.

But more interestingly, when I charged my friend, he charged his friend asking why he informed my colleague!!!!! Before pointing to some one’s fault, we should first analyze our fault. Ultimately I granted it as my fault in sharing my feelings with my friend which could not have been known to any one in future. That was my fault to believe my friend to some extent. So I decided to avoid my friend which might be danger in my near future also.

After some months later, I got married. My marriage was arranged by my friends who knew every thing about my past life. I decided to start my new life with a completely newly introduced man with new feelings in a new place. But my past time still occupied the places of my blogs, because I can not avoid my old friends. Among the old friends, things are still in some imaginary speculations, because some of them are still the witnesses of some of the incidents.

But I judge my case some thing different from my friend, because my colleague did not spread the story in any of the crowd for which I did not have to answer any of the questions. My colleague did not play with any one’s sentiments or emotions.

Sentiments, feelings, emotions…..these are the things for which we people try to survive in this world.