Be kind.

Have you ever been in a home where there’s something in the atmosphere that just doesn’t feel quite right? Where happiness seems to be missing? And it doesn’t feel very warm or inviting?

It’s a little hard to put a finger on this type of thing, but I think the behavior of the people in a house is a big factor.

No matter how beautiful a home is, or how perfectly decorated it is, if the people in the home aren’t being kind to each other, it doesn’t feel like a good place to be.

Greeting each other with a smile, helping each other out, sympathizing with each other, asking about each others’ day, saying good morning and good night….even if you can’t change a thing about the structure of your house, all of those little kindnesses are the best kind of home improvement.

You can’t necessarily control the behavior of your housemates, but one person can often set the tone for a home (especially true if you’re a parent), so don’t wait for other people to be kind first.

Start things off on the right foot yourself and see what happens.

(Please note: I do not do this perfectly, and neither do my five housemates. No one on the planet does! But the point is this: when we are kind, our house feels better.)

See your home with new eyes.

This has nothing to do with changing your actual home, of course.

But adjusting your perspective can make your home feel more lovely in a hot minute.

When I look longingly at Colonial-style houses (or really, any house that’s not a split design!) or open kitchens or master bedrooms with attached bathrooms, I start to feel like my house is pretty…lacking.

(In fact, just as I was typing that, I felt a wave of unhappiness roll over me. I miss having a master bathroom! Even a tiny one! Waaah! Poor me!)

But when I consider that a lot of people in the world live in grass huts or slapped-together buildings in slums, or in refugee tents, my attitude changes and I feel really silly for complaining about not having a bathroom attached to my bedroom.

I have a bathroom with plumbing.

My house actually has TWO bathrooms.

I live in a safe neighborhood.

My house is in good repair.

We have four bedrooms and an office.

There’s a yard to play in.

We have heating and cooling.

When I realize that most of the world’s population would see my home with grateful eyes? Well, that changes the way I view it too.

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What would you add to this list? I’d love to hear other ideas for making your home feel more lovely on a $0 budget!

Comments

Until two years ago, I lived in a spectacularly beautiful house. It’s an 1860s-built cobblestone behemoth filled with family antiques and surrounded by acres of gardens. My children were the seventh generation of my husband’s family to live there. It’s the sort of place that, were it maintained for such a thing, people would pay to go on a home tour to see. It is a beautiful house by any measure, but it really stressed me out to live there, because it was too big, too hard to keep clean, and not mine (plus FREEEEEZING cold–like, literal frost on the bedroom wall cold). I was constantly worried that my kids would destroy one of the high-value antiques and my mother-in-law, while a nice person, just doesn’t mesh with my style of living. She accumulates things. Drove me nuts.

So, I have had the beautiful house, and I didn’t really enjoy it. Oh, the irony.

However! Your first photo of the flowers reminded me of one of the things I do miss about that house. It had acres of gardens around it from which I could cut flowers. There was a spectacular and huge antique table in the living room–sixteenth century Italian, about 8 feet long and two feet wide–that, if I could keep it clear of the junk that seemed to always be on it, was the perfect place for a vase of flowers. It always made me happy to clean and dust the top of that table and put my vase of daffodils or hyacinths or whatever there.

So I guess I would say that if you have the space to grow some flowers for your house, that would be an excellent beautification project for the cost of a packet of seeds. And, of course, clear away the junk.

I agree with adding flowers!! The house I live in now came with a number of peony bushes and peonies are one of my favorite flowers. I LOVE the few weeks I get to bring them in (after getting the ants out) and brighten up my house. My mother-in-law has shared a number of flowers from her landscaping the last couple of years and I look forward to watching those grow and spread to the point where we can bring some inside.

I so agree about the flowers. It’s very therapeutic for me to pick and arrange and place it somewhere. Even branches, pinecones, herbs. weeds can be very lovely in a vase! And basically FREE! Plus the process of planting perennials or seeds is healthy and fun.
Of course, I need to get all the junk off the flat surface for this to look good!
Great post about being realistic and grateful, and making the best we can out of what we have, Kristen.

I think the color of the pain helps a lot as well. Ours was painted dark yellow, which makes the whole house look kinda dark. We went to our neighbor’s house and see what a huge difference paint color makes. But I know painting costs money.

Ms FAF – not only does paint color make a difference, so do undertones and color family. Take white, for example. Some whites are bright and hard, others are soft and warm, yet others are … er … I’m afraid I can’t think of a complementary word … dingy. The first are ones with a little blue in the undertone, the second have light reds (peach is the most complementary to skin tones, for most (but not all) colors of skin), the third have beige.

And y’all are so right about light, no to mention which kind of natural light. Have you ever noticed the light in before and after pix? The before is usually dim or ill-lit; the after is well-lit or – even better – the “sweet light” that happens in the first and last hours of the day.

Light. I love me some light. One of the many reasons I dislike DST – I lose my morning-commute light.

Awww I love it! This is so thoughtful. When we first bought our house….man… it’s ugly. The inside was pretty good but the outside….ugly!!! It’s a stand alone townhouse so it’s thin, tall and narrow. Like a gangly person and it has a balcony…that looks like a person’s big nose. Lol!!!

But it was in our price range and it was pretty good on the inside, we needed to get something quick… So yeah. And I’ve come to love my house. It’s beautiful, it’s perfect. I sing the….”this house is freakingggg sweet” song from Family Guy sometimes.

A house is a home and if you need to redecorate…well no one needs to. Home is where you feel comfortable. If it’s for company and they care that much what your home looks like…get better company. Can I add that to the list?! Haha.

I loved your list! You are the epitome of of your tagline, “cheerfully living on less”.

I would add opening up the windows and letting fresh air inside. It costs nothing, improves air quality AND lifts the mood if those who live there. Cleaning your windows too, really makes a big difference, esp after the harsh winter months (we live in Michigan).

Slightly off topic, but I think things like music, laughter, a happy plant and eating dinner by candlelight on a random Tuesday night can make your home a more pleasant place to be and cost next to nothing.

Yes, let the light in! We leave our living room curtains open 24/7. One faces the road, but I don’t really care if someone driving by sneaks a peak at me reading, lol.
I love the last tip. When I’m feeling ungrateful, I like to pretend I’m 18 and in my first apartment (which I was soooo excited about even though we had nothing). So I pretend I have unknowing 18 year old eyes and look around. Pictures of KIDS on the wall! Healthy food in the fridge! TV with a remote! Space! Furniture! Might sound a bit psycho, but it helps me remember how far we’ve come.
Another one to help you feel good about your home is to have company over. Even if your house looks like crap, they will find something to compliment you on!

I was going to say that too—be hospitable, for a few reasons. 1. I always feel grateful to have a house to share with guests. (I felt that way in a one room apartment, too). 2. Having people there forces me to sit down and chat with them! I feel like my husband don’t just sit and chat nearly enough when we don’t have guests over. We are usually grunting acknowledgment or shouting quick sentences across the house, or texting each other (!), or in our own worlds! But with guests, we all sit together and have conversations. 3. Even though I adore having guests over, I also am so happy with the peace and comfort of our home immediately after they leave! It causes me to realize what a quiet and peaceful place we have. (Of course I miss the people who just left, too, but happy memories of their visit leave a lingering warmth as I clean up and into the next few days.)

I enjoyed the mention of kindness. I am not a morning person and the way I act in the mornings affects my whole family, so I make a conscious effect to try to have a positive attitude. I love light, also. I don’t even have window coverings except in our bedrooms. I think throw pillows are a nice touch. I get those really inexpensive throw pillow covers from Amazon for no more than $2 to$4. This way, I can change them up sometimes for not much money. Also, it cost hardly anything to make your own

You know how when a small child first wakes up & only wants to drape over their mum & not look at or interact with anyone? I used to be called not a morning person but learned a long time ago I actually love being up once I’m up & feeling there’s a whole long day of possibilities today – but what I really dislike is interaction with others for the first half to 1hr or so, I need time to adjust to being up, it’s my most enjoyable, restful down-time & I want to muse & spend time with just me & my thoughts/dreams/plans, when I have no obligations. When I realised this I started training myself to get up earlier (I had years of enjoying staying up late which I still do sometimes) so I could have that time I NEED for my own well-being when no-one else is around & then when they get up or arrive I’ve had my time & I’m ready to interact.

I am exactly what you have described. I do try to get up earlier than everyone else. I often stay up a little later at night preparing everything for the next day so I always want a little extra sleep in the morning that I don’t get. I am happy to greet the day after about 30 minutes of being awake. My kids and husband make lots of noise first thing sometimes that I am not ready for.

Just so’s you know – we’re not wrong, just different & I bet lots of people are the same. I grew up in a house where we felt we had to walk on eggshells & I do not recommend that, I don’t know how old your kids are, what your husband & kids need to do in the morning but maybe you could pray about setting some healthy boundaries for yourself that also bless your family. I heard one single mum of many say the demands never stopped but she carved out time for herself by setting a rule that a particular hour was mum’s quiet hour when she could read in bed & only an emergency could interrupt that; she would read in bed & her smaller kids knew they were allowed to climb up & join her but if they did they knew they had to be reading quietly too. I taught my mum to hug and say ‘I love you’ when I was 25, it was so awkward at first but in time the whole family started doing it freely & naturally. I think sometimes we believe the lie that life has to be only one way when I think God is an expert on life & made us for so much more than we settle for, I pray you will have a brilliant idea that will nourish your soul and be helpful to your family.

I live in a developing nation, and it definitely does something for my appreciation of how luxurious a basic western style house is. I have a metal roof, tile floors, and –well, I’m not really sure what the walls are — some kind of thin board. But it’s raining tonight, and my national friends are, for the most part, sleeping in homes with grass walls, grass or metal roofs, and dirt floors. They don’t have electricity, but maybe have a few solar lights. No bathroom, no shower. Sometimes rats in the rafters. In comparison, my house is comfortable just the way it is!

If this isn’t a dose of reality for us Westerners, I don’t know what is! Thanks for sharing, Katie.

I had a humbling moment earlier this week. I was having a car repair done and was getting a shuttle ride home. Another woman was in the shuttle with me. We were chatting and she told me that she and her 3 kids had recently moved. Her grandmother passed away and her grandfather has dementia, so she moved in with her grandpa to care for him. We drove up to the home–it’s a tiny place for 5 people to live, it’s in a high crime rate neighborhood and is in poor repair. She isn’t happy living there but feels it’s best for her grandfather, as a familiar environment is less confusing for him. After we dropped her off and drove to my middle-class-in-suburbia home, I saw my house with different eyes. It’s in good repair, in a safe neighborhood in a township where we can afford to have the potholes on the road filled. Many would consider me rich. I’ve come to think that wealth means having everything I need and many of the things I want.

One of the goals I set for myself this year is to like the space I live in. I have been decluttering and deep cleaning and now love looking at the spaces that have been done – bookcases, linen closet, etc.

I’m also finding it is very satisfactory working through small projects in the house that I had left undone years ago (ahem) such as sewing hems on curtains. The only cost being time.

We just moved into our third house in thirty eight years of marriage. I mentioned to my husband that I was so lucky to have loved every house we’ve lived in. But our first house was under 800 square feet and that included the basement. It was charming, tiny and surrounded by trees. The second was an old two story under 1500 square feet with one bathroom upstairs. It was our family home where we raised our girls. Both of the first two needed tons of work but we loved them both. Now our home is actually more spacious and we’re enjoying the porch. But we were deliriously happy in each of those very different places because it was home. Kristen is very right. Open those windows, clean what you have and work with whatever God brings your way. Which I typed as I sat my thrifted owl coffee mug on the wooden antique cooler I trash picked over thirty years ago….

My #1 frugal “decorating” item is a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. I bought a huge tin of them for dirt cheap at Costco. They remove dern near every kind of grime. Once I wipe down the kitchen and bathrooms, it’s like we have a totally new house! There’s so much power to just cleaning the great things that you already have.

I also got a microfiber cloth and it’s upped my dusting game by 1000%.

William I don’t know if you have a similar product in the US but in Australia lots of people use a product called sugar soap to wash their walls as part of prep before painting, I know people who did that & their walls looked so good they considered not repainting. A company here called Selleys makes it.

I LOVE the Magic Eraser! There are so many times that I start to clean something, get frustrated that it’s not working, and *then* finally remember the Magic Eraser, which takes it off in about 2 seconds.

I’m so sorry it doesn’t work on your walls, William! I’ve not had that experience before. No advice – just sympathy.

I had this conversation with myself just yesterday. Next week is spring break for our area. I am hearing about all these big trips and plans. We are staying home and going to enjoy the $1 theater. I was in “pity party” mode. However I started counting my blessings. Amazing what that does for perspective.

Amy, our spring break is next week too. We don’t have any big plans either. I am actually looking forward to a little spring cleaning and finally getting myself to the dentist. My young daughters won’t find this quite as exciting so we’re also doing to do something fun each day (ice cream, park playdate, etc.) Kristin’s post came at a good time to get me excited about going one step beyond cleaning and making some thoughtful changes to our home to make it feel good for all of us again.

Having lived in a split entry home for 40 years, I can agree with you about missing an open kitchen & a master bath. Saying that , I can also agree that keeping it uncluttered helps. We added a garage when building the house & changed the room off that from a bedroom to a storage area -it helps! Our home is comfortable, warm in the winter & cool in the summer & sharing it with nice people (family) helps! I couldn’t believe it when our daughter and her husband bought a split entry! She does have a large master bedroom w/ bath, though. I guess growing up in one wasn’t too bad for our kids!

Great post! I especially like the part about kindness. My tip would be to add a little greenery. Just a sprig or two in a plain vase or Mason jar with water. Greenery always perks up a room and makes it more alive. If absolutely nothing at all is green in your yard, find a pretty branch or two and display it. Bringing the outdoors in always helps.

Music…nothing loud or obnoxious just something softly upbeat playing in the background helps, agree with you on natural light, kids stampeding through the place laughing, talking to husband, having some sense of neatness and order (the battle is never ending), our big fluffy cat curled up on the couch amid the chaos…
These things to me are home…
We have a good sized home on 5 acres surrounded by trees and wildlife…very grateful for the peace found here….dosnt matter if my furniture is somewhat battered…we are comfortable…blessed and grateful..
Hugs to all

Great post! If you have a sander, use it! My butcher block counter in my kitchen was beginning to look pretty stained and run down. Running the sander over it with some fine-grain paper and rubbing some oil on it made a HUGE difference in how it looked, and changed the overall look of the whole kitchen to something fresher and less beaten-up looking. This would work with lots of wooden furniture, too…

I would say “invite people in”. This isn’t fool proof, of course, but it seems to me that hospitality for me breeds contentment. A pleasant guest pointing out things you hadn’t appreciated in your own home recently (even if it’s just your child’s artwork) and knowing that you do have something to share, be it ever so humble, helps one to feel grateful. Having guests over (even for a no-snacks play date, which would be totally free) reminds it is really people, and not things, which are most important.

My Grandmama used to say “I wept because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” It was a gentle reminder to be grateful for the things that we did have…..
a roof over our heads, running water and an indoor bathroom, beds to sleep in with sheets and blankets, food on the table, clothes to cover our nakedness, shoes for our feet, electricity for lights and an oscillating fan, a fireplace for warmth and a garden. That little four room house with it’s front porch and back porch (half of which had been converted to a bathroom with a toilet and tub) was beautiful to her. She and Granddaddy started off their married life as sharecroppers living in a shack with no running water, no electricity and an outhouse. She thought her little four room house was perfect. She kept it clean and tidy and welcomed anyone who came through the door to our table. She made beautiful quilts out of scraps that graced the beds we slept in. She made lovely crocheted tablecloths and doilies. She grew flowers and vegetables that graced the yard and the table. She sewed pretty clothes for me from the leftovers from the women’s clothes that she made for the other ladies in town. She sang while she worked. It was a wonderful home.

Any time that I get to feeling that what we have isn’t enough, I say to myself “I wept because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet”. Thank you Grandmama.

I absolutely love all your points, especially the one about kindness! I’ve found that once I stopped watching home improvement shows and reading decor magazines, I became much more appreciative of my home.

I live in one of the top five most expensive cities in the country. I have been fortunate to live here for over 40 years (and hope to live here till the end) and had I not moved here then, I could not afford the prices now (even if I had purchased my apartment and sold it now, I still could not afford to live here). So every single day, even when, after watching endless house and garden shows leaves me somewhat dissatisfied with my interiors, I am totally grateful for what I have. At this time of my life, losing this home would be catastrophic but it can always happen.

Another way to enjoy your home is to NOT compare it with others. You could spend millions and there would always be someone else with something you don’t have but want.

Finally, fill your house only with the people and things that give you joy. And if you are a private person, don’t think you have to entertain at home to spend time with folks. Other options exist.

If you are surrounded by things you love (sorry, but “things” have importance and significance) such as books, photos of loved ones, household items that you love and appreciate and provide you with “pleasure” (think kitchen!), you are less likely to focus on what you do not have.

As our world filled with Pinterest and tons of house and garden shows, many of us who were pretty content with what we had somehow became less content seeing what others had.

Reminding yourself that pretty much many of us indeed have a great deal and just to be appreciative and thankful of that, makes any home brighter.

I loved your comments about being kind and creating an atmosphere of love and acceptance for those who live within a space. You can have the most physically beautiful place but if it is filled with hate, judgment and criticism of those within, it’s NOT a HOME.

So many lovely and thoughtful comments here today. I would add books and magazines. I love to walk into a home, no matter how humble, with evidence that the people there like to read. I can’t imagine a home without books.

A house that is neat and clean is always attractive. Even though a house is expensively decorated, it won’t look nice unless it is well kept. With a little imagination there is so much available at garage sales and in your own attic to enhance the look of your home. Don’t overdo it, though–too much stuff looks junky.

I would suggest cooking or baking something that smells amazing like bread. Or making potpourri from the rind of peeled oranges/lemon and a cinnamon stick or cloves. Simmer it on the stove and the house will feel so cozy. Does anyone remember making pomanders in grade school? I loved those!

When weather permits I love to open the windows and let the breezes blow through, even if I have to aid them a bit with a fan. I sometimes place dried lavender near the fan as I find the scent relaxing.

This is the only blog I read, and this post is the reason why. Kristen, you generated positive thoughts and energy and they are spreading out into the world, giving people (me) some much needed perspective after this long, harsh winter. Here comes the sun!
As a mom, I need to readjust my perspective and send that out into my household. No doubt it will be met. Then we can better deal with the much needed house renovations that seem never-ending. Everything’s a mess and I’m a very organized person so I’m not responding well to the mess. I will challenge myself to be at peace with the chaos, knowing that the finished project will give us more storage (and working plumbing).
I took my 88 year old gram to the doctor today. She grew up in the great depression and is the very definition of frugality. She pointed around her kitchen and said if you want anything here just take it, because the stuff isn’t what’s important; the way you treat each other is where the real wealth lies.

I like to sit in odd places and look around. I’ll sit on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, or right in front of the TV looking out into the room, or even upside-down from the couch or laying on the floor. When I’m looking from a different angle I can more easily identify spaces I enjoy about my home or things I would like to change. It’s silly and weird how different everything looks.

I giggled a little when you mentioned both cleaning up and opening up the shades for natural light. I find I prefer the shades closed because I *hate* dusting and with the shades closed, I barely even see the dust!
Whenever my parents come to visit and stay over, they like all the shades open. Frankly, my house is never cleaner than the day before my parents arrive.

Oddly, spraying and wiping down the shower makes me feel like I have a new bathroom. Also, I keep a can of white paint in the closet. Every so often I take it out to refresh the moldings, window frames, door frames, doors, fireplace mantel, etc. My hubby gets so excited when I go on a painting spree.

Today I have been touch-up painting walls with leftover paint that my husband had saved in small cans from Home Depot or Lowes – Frittata in the laundry, Silence green in the sunroom and white and StudioTaupe in the kitchen, just in time to celebrate this excellent FG post that I just discovered.

Definitely decluttering and cleaning are key for me to really enjoy my house. For decorating on a budget the Goodwill and Volunteers of America are my go to. I bought some lovely ladder shelves to go on each side of my fireplace. I’ve decorated in mid century modern in my living room and very farmhouse traditional in the rest of my house. I think blending two different styles helps me love my home.

Such a great post!!! I was sort of laughing at your “wah!” about the master bathroom. First world problems! I’ve been looking around out house and trying to figure out what to do with it. Well, decluttering, obviously! What a nest of junk. But it has been over 20 years since we added a second story, and everything needs PAINT. And cleaning. Today it got me how dingy everything is – all that spring sunshine pouring in the windows really highlighted that issue. And I’ve just retired, and am spending a lot of time at home, so I’m definitely noticing things I was able to gloss over before. Again – first world problems! Our house is roomy and comfortable, and it’s ours! What more could you possibly need?

Oh my! Thank You! I would have to agree with your list & I would also have to agree one of the best ones. I would like to add something as a Christian I like to thank Jesus every day for all I do have and its free to be thankful.

I shop my house a bunch! I rotate my pretties from room to room, bring things down from our attic and put unused things back up in the attic. I rearrange furniture every few months. I also trade decor with friends! I feel like I have a new house every few months!

I love this post and all the comments! The ones about HGTV really made me think. If/when we watch TV, it’s almost always tuned (or DVR’d) to that or DIY Network. It never makes me feel the way others have described, so I wanted to think about why.

My conclusions are first, that we buy sad houses, DIY them into happy houses, and sell them or more often, rent them out to nice people. Watching those programs is more like research to give us ideas for future projects.

Second, I NEVER project myself into those houses. No matter how magnificent the “after” looks, it’s carefully staged for the shoot, it is not reality. It may have only looked that way for a moment, or only from one angle.

Third, if something does strike a chord (touring a historic mansion, for example) it’s easy to think about how much effort it would require to maintain. We don’t mind working hard turning a sow’s ear into a silk purse, but the work that goes into making something look the same is far less appealing. Thinking about upkeep costs, including taxes and utilities, is also a pretty good wet blanket.

Finally, it might help that we eschew most forms of social media. No (or very limited) FB, Pinterest, Houzz, Apartment Therapy, etc. keeps the green-eyed monster at bay.

No earth shattering conclusions here, but maybe a different perspective might be helpful for someone. It was a good thought exercise during a bout of late-night insomnia.

Beautiful post, sincere, honest, and oh, so true. It continues to amaze me when I stop and “shop” my home how many treasures I have! Then, when displayed in another room or vignette, the treasures add new life and sparkle to the decor! When I say treasures–I’m talking about things that please me and reflect who my husband and I are. Just recently a box of vintage engineering books that belonged to a dear friend, became one of our latest treasures. His wife was going to throw the books away. After all, some had even lost their outer covers. I rescued them and love using them in our home to add height and interest to candlesticks and teapots. The character and titles of the books please me. They remind me of Joe and they add such charm. Cost of the box of books: 0 dollars. Value to me: priceless! Thanks for sharing and so glad your friend, Linda, shared your website with me. I’ll be back!

I have a cute little house without many issues. I need to unclutter it. I once needed dishes so i started buying anything blue and white at thriftys. Well “Katie bar the door” i have so many pretty dishes now it is a sin. Also, always have bought white towels at thrift stores…run them thru washer with bleach…am up to my neck in nice fluffy cotton towels now…..

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