The Key To Effective Communicating

Tag Archives: human-rights

For anyone that hasn’t heard of Pastor Dollar, he presides over one of the largest churches in Atlanta. The arrest came after an argument with his daughter got out of hand and things got ‘physical’. Reports say that the daughter was injured and the pastor was subsequently arrested.

I chose to write about this case because it highlights a lot of the issues that we find ourselves faced with in the family. As it relates to the ‘Physical’ (the extrovert) they are the social butterflies, the ones that are not afraid to speak in front of large crowds or attract attention to themselves. Most, not all, but most pastors fit into this category. Because of their need to express how they feel physically, the Physical comes across as short tempered, controlling or bossy. Physical children would be the bullies in school or the jock or Mr. Popular. They are very image conscious and dress to express the importance of appearance. Family is their number one priority so they are very involved with every decision the child makes which can come across as over protective. Know of any preachers that fit this description?

We ‘mostly’, learn like our mothers and act like our fathers once we’ve passed our preteen stage. So, in this case (if all of the reports are true), the dad was really just trying to beat himself out of his daughter. Going out to her is just as important as it was to him at her age and he really liked going out when he was younger. Unfortunately I don’t think he understands that the more he tries to suppress her behavior the more she’ll rebel against what he’s teaching. How he handled the situation was truly from a position of love, but he lacks the understanding of how to convey this to his daughter in the way he truly means it. Ever wonder why they say preacher’s kids are the worst? It’s easy, because they’re just like their fathers but are being forced to suppress how they feel which creates an introverted physical…a disaster. We have to, have to, have to get that everything we do influences or affects our children in some way for the rest of their lives. We must learn the importance ofeffective communication and harming your child to get your point across hardly qualifies as effective.

Photo Credit: yourblackworld.com

I know that the obvious answer here is that it’s the devil, but hasn’t that been the answer for millenia with no change? I know we’ve all heard the quote about insanity so I’ll just say that if we want to see different results we must first ask different questions.

I know this may sound a little weird to ask but, let me explain why I do. Recently I conducted a survey of clients I see periodically and found that around six out of ten of these clients had been abused or molested as a child…….six out of ten! Now this is obviously not a national or official report but still worth noting. For me, I’ve been in a state of shock to find it so common in our society. I guarantee that you know someone that has been abused or that has abused.

It’s said that not all that have been abused turn out to become abusers but those that do abuse have most likely been abused. I’ve written about this before but it just won’t go away. The scary part about it is that most that have been abused are too afraid or embarrassed to talk about it, so that means that there are tons more that go unaccounted for. It really breaks my heart into pieces to imagine anyone having to experience such atrocities. This behavior is akin to a virus, once you’re infected, you’ll most likely infect someone else too.

Even for those that are able to maintain a somewhat normal existence, it becomes a burden on any relationship they have; friends, family. The people around them just think the person is crazy or is just like that but that’s not always the case. The person even believes that this is just their normal behavior and everyone should stop being so sensitive. I heard recently that a reality t.v. actress had a mild heart attack and was rushed to the hospital clinging to life. This same actress revealed that she’d been taken advantage of at an early age and was just beginning to seek counsel for it. I don’t that the heart attack was related to this, I was just trying to give you an idea which actress I’m referring to. I bring her up because if you see the way she communicates with everyone on the show you’ll see that she seems to be a very angry person. Once she revealed her past it all made sense, she taking out the rage she had towards her offender on everyone around her. How many relationships or friendships do you think were ruined throughout her lifetime because of this. When someone abuses a child they affect more than just that child, they affect an entire generation.

Thankfully there is an antidote. Talk about it! Talking about it exposes the person doing it… they need help and so do you. If you’ve experienced abuse in your past, please seek counsel as soon as you can, it will release you of a burden you were unjustly given to carry.