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Friday, October 17, 2014

I'm Randy "Macho Man" Savage, and I used to think I was the meanest, toughest, most hard core hombre that ever walked the Earth. But I'm just a big weenie compared to Marie "Tough Cookie" Kessel, one of the lead characters in Unconventional Affairs, the romance series by Jay Gaudette.

Wow! She's a Coastie and she's super-tough. When she and her lover, Mark, are confronted by an AWOL Navy squid with a grudge and a gun, and he fires on them, well, you're just going to have to find out what happens for yourself. It's a throwdown of epic proportions. So download them at the link below, and if you don't I'm gonna come knockin' on your door!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Not since the Thrilla in Manilla in 1975 which pitted Mohamed Ali and Joe Frazier, have I witnessed such a stirring and provocative sporting event like Live From Saltwater Sally's, The United
States Sex League Role Play Finals by Jay Gaudette. This detailed and pithy transcript of that extraordinary display of physical and mental sexual acrobatics is a must read for any sex-sports enthusiasts. And who isn't? Furthermore, not since I had the pleasure of working with the great Frank Gifford and Dandy Don Meredith have I personally witnessed such great broadcasting prowess as that of Chip Schumacher and the rest of the broadcast team, especially perky Julie Crookshank, who once again gets right into the heart of the action. What a trooper. So, run, don't walk to your favorite ebook retailer and download your copy today!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Once upon a midnight dreary, rubbing eyes both red and bleary,
Over many books of which with hopes will give me rise,—
While I bellowed, almost screaming, hoping there would come a streaming,
New and wondrous works of which romantic word applies,
"Tis all the same thing," I muttered, "finding it is such a chore,
Always this and nothing more."
Ah, distinctly I remembered, with expectations fully tempered,
Characters, rich, good and plenty, and not all the normal stuff,
Eagerly I wished for something, besides all the normal grope and humping,
From my computer I strained to find, plots devoid of all the fluff,
I crave romantic stories, sexy, funny, poignant,
I look for all these evermore.

Then on the door I heard a tapping, maybe it was really rapping,
It happened all too quickly so I could not really tell,
But through the door their came a raven, looking sharp, all washed and shaven,
“Dude, you have a prob that I can see is causing hell.
Download Jay Gaudette’s Unconventional Affairs from Smashwords. It’s all you need.
Only that and nothing more.”

I quickly scanned the samples given, "I can tell that Jay has striven,
To telling stories, tomes, and quips that I would surely like,
This shit is really fun to read, with characters so rich indeed,
and the sexy parts contained in it do really get me off.
(The Raven asked, "Off? 'Off' doesn't rhymn with 'like'. I replied, "Sorry.")
I asked the street-wise Raven, "But, are they expensive, prohibitively so?"
Quoth the Raven, "Listen, jack-leg, even though the suggested price is only 99 cents, during the Unconventional Affairs Binge-read, you can get them for free. But it's only for the duration of the event."

I asked the Raven if I should ever try to stiff an independent author ever again.
Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

I have a confession to make. I am sick to death of the whole "girl detective" shtick. God, I've been doing it for so long that I'm just about ready to puke. The baddie is always that perma-grouch old farmer, some weird college professor, or some really gross, dirty old man that lives in a beat up old Airstream trailer down by some polluted river. Yada, yada, yada. I'm bored to tears with it all.

But not long ago, something so totally cool happened. I came across Jay Gaudette's short stories, The Porn Star Party parts 1 and 2, and after I read them I knew what I really wanted to be; a porn star! Oh, yes! The idea of getting smashed by some big, hung, panty-dropping, melt-in-my-mouth man-meat just makes me wet. His stories are so hot, so outrageous, and so much what I want from now on. You gotta' read them yourself.

Anyway, the Hardy Boys are coming over to make an amateur, three-way video with me. They should be here anytime now and....

Hey, y'all, Bill Skakespeare here. Ya' know, sometimes after I be writin' all damn day, there's nothin' I like more than sittin' down with Jay Gaudette's Unconventional Affairs romance series. I tell you what, they are tree-mendous! They're funny too. Git one fer yerself. Hell, get all of them.

Listen, I gotta scoot. I'm in the middle of a very dramatic scene from my latest play called Carl and Lulu. I just finished a great line for Lulu. She's up on top the house, and she's yellin' down to Carl, "Carl! Carl! Where the hell are you, Carl?" I don't care who ya'll are, that's good shit right there.

Chester Arthur, the 21st President of the United States says -- "Whenever I'm not being presidential, such as signing the Pendleton Act, rebuilding the Navy, or suppressing Chinese immigration, I like to sit down with a good yarn. My favorites come from the Unconventional Affairs romance series by Jay Gaudette. My word, how grand they are. Witty, fun, suspenseful, great characters, and the naughty bits are very good too."

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Sometimes you have to start over again to make sure you get things lined up just right. That is what I had to do. Let me explain ...

I started writing fiction about a year ago and allowed myself to get bumped and bruised up some. Most people were nice to me and gently pushed me along. They were nice. There were also some people that, quite frankly, were assholes about the whole thing. One such person cursed me out and told me that I must be some snot-nosed punk with no life experience to draw from, and that my writing skills were "at best, that of the level of a monkey." (For her information, I'm 59 and a published non-fiction author (one book, numerous articles, business material, with more life experiences than I really wish I had) and one thing that I've learned in my life is that some people are just plain douchebags that exist purely for the reason of making life a little less enjoyable for the rest of us.

Now, I will admit that in my early efforts my fiction was pretty rough, and the helpful criticism from more seasoned professionals was, just like it said on the can, helpful. Things got better the more I plodded through paragraphs and chapters. My use of tenses tightened up and my sentence and paragraph structure improved. I am nowhere near as good as others (folly), nor am I as good as I would like to be. But I have made measurable progress in a reasonable amount of time. And in that, I am happy with what has happened. That happiness has translated into satisfaction and enthusiasm.

So, I will continue to write these fun stories. Frankly, I'm enjoying the hell out of it. If a publishing opportunity comes along, swell. If not, swell.