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I bough a half ball of some pretty good shit. Not fish scale/oily shit, but instead drier powder. Even still, this is some of the better power I've ever gotten I wonder if they put caffeine in it because I've been taking xanax ALL day and night and I still haven't gotten tired. I've also been drinking and smoking teh weedzzz.

It's fucking 8 AM. Thank goodness for the weekend, and also thank goodness for decent cocaine at reasonable prices.

I do coke everyone in a while, I usually buy a gram and binge, but when my friend told me about a half ball of some good shit for 60 I couldn't help myself. Of course in the end I probably paid full price because I let him and his girl take about 6 or 7 lines while we were playing games at his house (my girl cannot STAND me doing coke, and I promised her I wouldn't, so I chilled at my boys house with the connection). Let me fucking tell you, his girl is a FIEND for coke, but if she has access to this shit on a constant basis I would be too. She's hot as hell, he's a better looking guy than me, but damn he has it made. He doesn't work or go to school all he does is have good connects that hook him up and in turn his friends hook him up. His mom pays for his phone and his girl pays for his drugs. That's how it used to be for me but I got a job and my current girl is under the impression that I owe her for the thousands of dollars for "gifts" such as alcohol, drugs, paraphernalia, gas and car repairs, and a shit load of other things that she did for me for 3 years while I wasted my life away. Either way at this point I think I'm on the right track and her ass has definitely getting paid back.

Sometimes you have to remember that relationships are two way streets. I can't expect her to love me unconditionally and continue to treat her like shit, accusing her of shit when she doesn't call and all this other shit. I mean I do have reasons for not trusting her, PLENTY of reasons, and the evidence is mounting on whether or not she cheated/ or is cheating on me, but she swears up and down that she hasn' done anything and isn't going to and wants us to get over this, but how can I get over ti when I see the evidence on a consistent basis? We got into a huge argument tonight about how I still don't trust her and how we can't have a relationship without trust. But consider this shit-

A few days ago I found out she has been sending texts to random guys that she sees at work right. This is like the first time I've ever checked her phone for shit like that, but I had already known she was acting suspicious. SO I casually pick it up on the way to the bathroom and low and behold text messages that were SENT out of her phone to guys she's neevr even talked to me about before. I don't mind if she has guy friends that she talks to, she's had a guy friend that she's talked to for years since we started going out and before that they had a thing but I was still cool with it. The thing that pissed me off is that she had no real excuse. The 3 texts that were in there went like this-

2 in the sent box-

One said-"Thanks a bunch hun"

The other one said-"You just want to get laid :P"

And the one in the inbox said-

"But then there's that Brady guy" (that's my name by the fucking way).

All from/to 3 DIFFERENT guys mind you.

Now, if you were to see this shit, how would you react? I flipped the fuck out, and she cried and swore to me up and down that she wasn't doing anything with them and that they were "just friends". But who the fuck sends and gets texts like that out of no where? I asked if she had deleted any and she swears that she hasn't. She said her phone automatically deletes text messages for no reason which is kind of fucking strange considering she has plenty of room left for texts. She's at like 436 text messages out of like 500 so I'm pretty sure she's been deleting some, but she won't even admit to THAT!

After I got out of the mental ward (long fucking story, check a recent thread I made in the Pub a few weeks back to check out what I'm talking about, a lot of it is actually related to this chick) she's been acting all strange. One of the first things I did when I got out was checked her phone. Sure enough, there was a message SENT form her phone to one of the fucks she was talking to before.

It read-

"Working at AE . and oh oh happy 4/20! "

So naturally I wanted to see what he had sent her to get a response from her like that, and evidently the test "magically" got erased from her phone.

I don't know. I used to be a pretty secure person in this relationship, but now I want to see her phone like all the time.

And before you all start giving me shit about invading her privacy take into account the fact that she will check my myspace and facebook messages and my phone text messages when I'm not around and pretend like she doesn't. That's kind of fucked up seeing as how I usually ask to see her shit instead of just straight up looking at it, which is what I should have done int he first place because I'm almost positive that she's at least texting other guys like she's interested, or used to.

And then again, she does swear up and down to me that she loves me and wants to marry me, but I'm having my doubts because ever since the whole hospitalization issue our relationship has been suffering greatly, on both sides. I just don't know how, or even if I should, end this 3 year fucking relationship.

Comments are always welcome. If you didn't like my story you should have just stopped reading a long time ago.

Quote:And before you all start giving me shit about invading her privacy take into account the fact that she will check my myspace and facebook messages and my phone text messages when I'm not around and pretend like she doesn't. That's kind of fucked up seeing as how I usually ask to see her shit instead of just straight up looking at it, which is what I should have done int he first place because I'm almost positive that she's at least texting other guys like she's interested, or used to.

And then again, she does swear up and down to me that she loves me and wants to marry me, but I'm having my doubts because ever since the whole hospitalization issue our relationship has been suffering greatly, on both sides. I just don't know how, or even if I should, end this 3 year fucking relationship.

Sounds so familiar... o0o yeah, that's damn near my same story, but with me babies instead of hospitals....

--------------------It's funny how when you're talking about testing the first nuclear weapon, which some scientists thought could possibly set off a chain reaction that would burn off our entire atmosphere and leave a lifeless barren rock floating in space, the risk is justified. But if a few extra people might get stoned it's just too dangerous to try.
-FF

--------------------"Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." - Abraham Lincoln

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil
to one who is striking at the root"
~ Henry D. Thoreau
Strike The Root

i don't know how interested you are in your current relation, sometimes one is denying that he wants to end it up but due to the long time its harder, if i were in your place feeling unsure about the cheating, id show an extreme secure position not questioning her or anything, behaving as if everything was perfect, and on my side id go do some spying check out who the fuck is the msg guy , go see if she is where she says she is, do random ass lovely visits to her when she doesnt expect it etc, you can soon enough see if there something wrong and

that is if your intrested , if your already tired fucken ditch her, suspecting close people sucks, gl

I'm down. I think we should give it a different name than OTD though, cause that'll eventually cause some lame-ass rivalry between the sites. Since we're obviously the awesomest, we don't want to waste too much time explaining that to people.

Omni came up with The Lot which seems fine by me.I just don't want anything that would attract the others into thinking:"Hey look - another social forum! Let's go in and hang with them!"That attitude has been bringing OTD to the brinks of death these passed few months.So if we get our new forum here, you can be certain I'm gonna be a real son-of-a-bitch right from the get-go.

*used to be fun ...Lately, n00bs have been wandering into OTD unchecked.All the good people have either left, or don't give a shit anymore.We need more of us who are willing to take a standand say: "This is my turf - we don't want you here."

I have no problem at all with those outsiders having their own forumand talking about Grateful Dead and their lost puppies all they want.As long as they keep that shit out of our designated area, I'm fine.It's when they come in thinking that we should have to listen to theircrap that I start to get annoyed. Why should I have to tolerate that?

Oh well, enough of this soapbox. I think you know what I'm talking about.

That sounds lovely, but in case you didn't notice, this isn't a democratic website with freedom of speech. Its a forum run by a private company who can allow or disallow whatever kind of speech they want. I realize that being censored sucks, but if you want a place where you can be truly free, start your OWN site.

This is why we're bringing our requests to those who run the site.We're not saying they owe us these things, like new forums.We're saying we should have them so it's less of a hassle forthem in the long run. They shouldn't have to clean up every timesome problem arises because we were all forced into once place.

When they allow subscriptions here, I'll be the first to pay.Of that you can be sure.