Another installment of giving better answers to the questions asked at Debi Pearl’s site message board for the book ‘Preparing To Be A Help Meet’. Many young ladies ask questions on all sorts of different subjects brought up by the book. There was just one big problem, many of the answers stray into either the outright bad and emotionally unhealthy to dangerous. Yes, typical Debi Pearl borderline abusive. Here’s what we’re going to be doing here at NLQ. Every week, once or twice a week, I’ll be posting up one of the questions from the message board and ask you, our readers, to answer that poor soul’s question in a way that is logical, rational and the best possible solution, in other words 180 degree turn from Debi and friends answers. As always all spelling and grammar in the posting is unchanged from the original author.

I’m a 32 year old african woman who have renewed her walk of Faith with my God. I wasnt always keen on getting married because of what is happening around me, divorces, abuse, the fear of being hurt after the experiences Ive had with being involved in ungodly relationships
But I’ve come to learn that marriage is a beautiful covenant created by God and I will like to get married to a God fearing man, who will walk this life with me, a man to whom I can submit to. A man who will be able to provide for me. I have been praying for such a man for a while now.

As an only child to a single mom, I have been raised to be a fiercely independent woman, am currently a breadwinner in my family and I have a fear that i might meet a man that i may have to support as well and I want to be provided for.

My questions:
(1) how does a man like that find me?What I understand from the bible is that a man finds a woman, and I can not go looking for a husband, he has to find me.

(2) I have read an extract of Mrs Debi Pearl’s book: “Created to be his Help Meet”, and from that I understand that a woman is meant to be a helper, supposed to raise the kids, take care of the home etc, but we live in the times whereby every thing is expensive and the men, dont earn enough to be able to support his parents, his sisters’ kids (as is the norm in most african families) and raise his own family. I have to work to help support our family and give our kids the best we can. I wont be able to stay at home that way.

(3) Another issue Mrs Debbie touched on is the wife’s mom interfering in her daughter’s marriage, granted, that happens, but what about the wife’s inlaws? The bible say the man leaves his family and joins with his wife and the two become one. But in our african culture, the woman is married so she can leave with her inlaws and serve them, for a while.

I want a husband that will marry me for himself, and not for his family.

Several of the commenters questioned her reasoning for supporting her mother and one harped on not making a man that would make her work. What might more practical advice be in this situation?

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