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Wednesday, January 25, 2017

In My Life, What If?

What I was is gone, the rain and sun have slowly weathered. I face my twilight years with trepidation. Faith holds my mind and soul in place. I look back at some things I cannot understand. A man named Dad who has never called or written me in 40 years. A Mother who seldom or never writes or calls her own children. A brother or sister who thinks "me" is all that life is about. An old friend who I try to find but seems to have winked out of existence. Some mornings I awaken and the pain is in my mind. I turn it off with a cup of coffee. I focus on those who have proven to me that they love and care for me. Their actions speak volumes about love and kindness. Distant past sometimes appears as a note from someone long ago. Suddenly feeling a bit better about myself because someone took the time to tell me I made a difference in their life. Of course there are things I might have done differently. The "what if" sometimes pervades my thoughts with an insistent pry. But at the end of a day though I might have worries, I fall asleep knowing that one day all that bothers me will have a reason. That light can peak through any shadow. And that things are as they were supposed to be. Who I have become is far more important than who I might have been. Complaining seems silly. I am what I chose and that's enough. I shall continue on, until the lessons no longer need to be taught. I can forgive, because in the end I was given those moments. Moments some were never lucky enough to have at all.

Tis better to be touched with a smile out of kindness and love, than torched with a frown wondering who might get what I have.