Synopsis:
The village of Merrydale is being terrorised by the Giant Blunderbore and his henchman Fleshcreep. The King and Queen are forced to act as rent collectors and are assisted by constables Push and Shove, who threaten Dame Trott and her family with eviction when she can't pay up. There is the traditional dairy scene with Daisy the Cow before Jack reluctantly sells her to raise the rent money. Jack then returns home, only to discover that he’s been tricked into selling Daisy to Fleshcreep and his bag of gold has turned into a bag of beans. He also discovers that his girlfriend Jill has been captured and taken to the Giant's castle up in Cloudland. Jack climbs a giant beanstalk which has magically appeared overnight, in order to rescue Jill and Daisy. Once in Cloudland, he encounters an inept wizard and his group of Elves. This panto gives fantastic scope for a magical musical UV scene and also includes a great visual comedy scene, featuring Push and Shove. Other principal characters eventually join Jack in Cloudland and they manage to rescue Jill and Daisy from the Giant’s castle. But upon reaching the top of the beanstalk, they find that a lift has been installed on it giving rise to more comedy. A traditional storyline with some new twists and plenty of audience participation.

Roles:
10 principals plus several small speaking roles and a voiceover Giant. Also a pantomime cow and a chorus.

Runtime:
All of our scripts have a runtime of approx 120 minutes, assuming that you use the full number of suggested musical numbers and not including any interval. But this is very dependent on your own production and can be edited by yourselves to suit.

Music:
All of our pantomimes come with a full, suggested songs and music cues and SFX list.

Typical village exterior scene depicting market day in the village square. Dame Trott’s Cottage is (USL) The Chorus dressed as Villagers are already onstage and some tend barrow-type market stalls. They perform a lively opening number. Music cue 3: Villagers. After number ends…

Jill
(sighs) If only we could be happy like this all the time. But everyday our happiness is spoiled by that horrible Giant.

Villagers
(variously) Yes! That’s true! It’s terrible!

Villager 1
But what can we do Jill?

Villager 2
We don’t want to end up as paté, on giant toast.

Villager 3
Even the King must do as he’s told.

Jill
Jack will sort the Giant out one of these days, you’ll see.

Villager 1
(laughs) Your Jack can’t even sort himself out a job.

Jill
At least he’s not afraid of the Giant.

Music cue 4: Lights dim briefly and Fleshcreep enters (SL)

Fleshcreep
So, your Jack’s not afraid of my master, eh?

Jill
No and I’m not afraid of you, Fleshcreep.

Fleshcreep
(strokes Jill’s hair) I don’t want you to be afraid of me.

Villager 2
Careful Jill. I think he’s got a soft spot for you.

Villager 3
He’s got lots of soft spots. And they’re called ‘zits!’

Villagers laugh.

Fleshcreep
Shut up, or you’ll all be sorry!

Jill
Just go away, you horrible man.

Fleshcreep grabs hold of Jill.

Villagers
(variously) Get off her! Leave her alone!

SFX: Peal of thunder.

Giant
Fe-fi-fo-fum!
I’ll chew them up like bubble gum!

Villagers cower and move away in fear.

Fleshcreep
Cower, you snivelling snot-rags! My master is the most powerful in all the land. And if Jack Trott were here, he’d quiver just like the rest of you!

Jill
Oh no, he wouldn’t!

Fleshcreep
Oh yes, he would!

Jill
Oh no, he wouldn’t!

Fleshcreep
Oh yes, he would!

Jill
Oh yes, he would!

Fleshcreep
Oh no, he wouldn’t!

Jill
I’m glad you agree.

Fleshcreep
Very clever my pretty. For now, I’ll attend to my master’s need. But I’ll be back, when he wants a feed. (exits SL laughing)

Villagers
(variously) Are you all right? Did he hurt you?

Jill
I’m fine. Now let’s go and find Jack.

All exit (SR)

Simon enters (SL)

Simon
Hiya kids! My name’s Simon, and I’m Jack Trott’s brother. I’m not as brave as our Jack, though. He’d take the on Giant, with one hand tied behind his back. But I’m sure he’d appreciate a bit of support. So, I’m forming the ‘Jack Trott Supporters Club’. Would you all like to join? (audience respond) I said, would you all like to join the Jack Trott Supporters Cub? (audience respond) Great. Our Jack will be dead chuffed.

Jack and Children enter (SR)

Jack
Hiya Simon! You haven’t seen Jill about have you?

Simon
No Jack. How long have you two been out together?

Jack
Almost a year now. (sighs) But it still only seems like yesterday, since we first met. I’m crazy about her. Music cue 5: Jack and Children. After number ends…He dismisses the Children. Run along gang and I’ll see you all later.

Children wave and exit.

Simon
Listen Jack. Seeing as you’re going to be taking on the Giant soon. I thought I’d get a few supporters to cheer you on. (indicating audience) And there they are.

Jack
(looking out) Wow!

Simon
I thought you’d be impressed.

Jack
I certainly am. I only hope they’re braver than the last lot we had in.

Simon
Oh, this lot are much braver. (to audience) Aren’t you?

Jack
Do they realise they could get mashed bashed beaten and eaten? If they get caught by the Giant?

Simon
I didn’t bother them with minor details. But they’re very keen.

Jack
(to audience) It’s nice to know you’ll all be behind me when I take on the Giant.

Simon
Yes, and I’ll be behind the lot of you. (jumps behind Jack)

Jack
(to audience) I tell you what. Whenever I come on, I’ll shout ‘hi gang.’ And I want you all to shout back, ‘hi Jack’ as loud as you can. Will you do that for me? (audience respond) I said will you do that? (audience respond) Thanks. Let’s give it a try. (exits SR then re-enters) Hi gang! (audience respond) I thought you said they were better than the last lot, Simon? I could hardly hear them.

Simon
They just need warming-up a bit. Have another go.

Jack
Ok then. (exits and re-enters) Hi gang! (audience respond) That was a bit better. But still not loud enough. We’ll have one more go. And this time I want you to raise the roof. (exits and re-enters) Hi gang! (audience respond) That was much better.

Simon
Oh, I forgot to tell you Jack. There’s been an accident at the dairy.

Jack
Don’t tell me your smelly socks have fallen into the cheese maker, again? Only the last time that happened, all the Wenslydale turned into Danish Blue.

Simon
It wasn’t the only thing that turned blue, once mum found out.

Jack
That’s true. If only people knew how that stuff was made.

Simon
Well they do now. Anyway, it’s nothing to do with my socks. One of the dairymaids slipped and hurt herself. Oh, and the new milk-float’s been delivered

Jack
Great! Let’s go and give it a test drive.

Simon
I can’t, Jack. I promised mum I’d take Daisy for a walk this morning.

Jack
Ok Simon. I’ll see you later then. (exits USR)

SFX: Loud mooing.

Simon
All right Daisy! I’m coming! (exits DSR)

Dame Trott enters (SL) with a shopping bag.

Dame Trott
(to audience) What a morning it’s been. I’ve been at the dairy since the break of Dawn. She slipped on a bit of best butter and broke her ankle. Oh, she is clumsy that Dawn. Allow me to introduce myself. My name’s Dame Trott. And I run Trott’s Dairy with my two sons, Simon and Jack. The only trouble is, one’s got no get up and go. And the other one’s brain got up and went. Trott’s Dairy goes back generations. Yes. The village of Merrydale’s had the Trott’s for years. I’ve been a widow for the past ten years. (elicits audience sympathy) My late husband was a tower of strength, a pillar of the community. And a prop for the local bar. He used to always say to me. ‘What you’ve never had you’ll never miss’. So he never gave me anything. But you know, he wasn’t all bad. Just the bit between the top of his head and the soles of his feet. Our wedding day was a very emotional affair. My mother was crying. My father was crying. The vicar was crying. Even the cake was in tiers. And after the ceremony he whisked me away on a P&O cruise. Pubs and off licenses, that is. But then he tragically died in a terrible accident, whilst working on a local farm. He fell into a slurry pit and drowned. And all we found was his toupee, floating on top. I don’t think I shall ever forget the sight of, the slurry with the fringe on top. But the dairy’s been going through a sticky patch recently. I’m months behind with the rent, and the King’s coming to collect today. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m at my wits end. So, I did what every woman does when she’s at her wits end. That’s right. I went shopping. And I bought lots and lots of sweeties. Would you like some? (audience respond and distributes sweets to audience)

Simon enters (DSR)

Simon
Hi mum!

Dame Trott
Oh, hello Simon. (looks past him) Where’s Daisy?

Simon
I was hoping you could tell me.

Dame Trott
But didn’t you take her for a walk?

Simon
Yes. But on the way, I popped into a shop to buy Daisy’s favourite, Polo Mints. And when I came back out, she’d gone. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll find her own way home.

Dame Trott
What do you think she is? A homing cow? I hope she hasn’t been kidnapped.

Simon
Don’t you mean ‘cownapped?’

Dame Trott
(to audience) Have any of you lot seen our Daisy? You can’t mistake her. She has lovely soft brown hair. A long tail at the back. And the biggest, beautifullest eyes.

Simon
Why don’t we try calling her, mum?

Dame Trott
Good idea.

Simon
After three…three!

Both
(call) Daisy! Daisy!

Dame Trott
It’s no use Simon. She obviously can’t hear us.

Simon
Then why don’t we ask Jack’s supporters club to help us call her?

Dame Trott
I didn’t know our Jack had a supporter’s club. Where are they then?

Jill
Jack has a supporter’s club and they’re not afraid of you either.

Fleshcreep
Where are they? My master could do with some fresh meat.

Simon
(pointing to audience) There they are!

Fleshcreep
(looks out) Bah! (threatens audience) My master will crush you,
He’ll beat you and mush you.
Then spread you on his toast,
That’s the thing he loves the most.
(to King) Have the gold ready by the time I return,
Or on Blunderbore’s barbecue, you all will burn! (exits SL laughing)

King
(shaking with fear) Ooohh! We’ll all end up as giant kebabs!

Dame Trott
Come back tomorrow your Kingship, and I’ll have the money for you.

Simon
I’m taking on a second job and I’ve got an interview I half an hour.

Dame Trott
How come you didn’t tell me this before?

Simon
I didn’t want to raise your hopes, mum.

Dame Trott
Huh! (wryly) There’s more chance of raising the Titanic.

Simon
Wish me luck then. (exits SR)

Dame Trott
Luck? (to audience) The only luck we ever have, is bad luck. And if we don’t get some money soon, we’ll be evicted from our lovely home. (sniffs) I couldn’t bear having to walk the streets again. (Daisy moos) I’d better go and check on Daisy. See you later folks. (exits into cottage)

Dame Trott
(exclaims) Me! No I think you ought to tell her, Jack. It would only break my heart. (sniffs) Besides, I don’t speak cow.

Jill
Daisy understands every word we say. (to Daisy) Don’t you Daisy?

Daisy nods.

Jack
How come I get all the dirty jobs?

Dame Trott
‘Cos you keep standing at the wrong end.

Jack
(faces Daisy - pauses, then turns to Dame Trott) I don’t know what to say.

Dame Trott
(pulls him away) Oh, you’re just like your father…hopeless! (to Daisy) Listen Daisy. The Trott’s have hit on hard times. Fings ain’t wot they used to be. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel and nothing in the garden’s coming up roses. Which is surprising really, seeing as everything you do from a certain end gets spread all over it. But I digress. Now listen Daisy. I won’t go around the houses or beat about the bush. I’m going to give it to you straight from the horse’s mouth…well mine, actually. You see Daisy, it’s like this...

Jack
…We’re selling you.

Daisy hangs her head.

Dame Trott
Now look what you’ve done! I was trying to break it to her gently!

Jack
The way you were going, she’d have died of old age first.

Dame Trott
Look Daisy, it’s not what you think.

Daisy perks up.

Dame Trott
Actually, it is what you think.

Daisy hangs her head.

Dame Trott
Oh, you tell her Jack. I’ve got tears in my eyes.

Jill
Are you getting all emotional Mrs T?

SFX: Loud breaking wind sound.

Dame Trott
Yes, and so is Daisy. (wafts the air)

Jack
(to Daisy) Don’t worry Daisy, we’ll buy you back just as soon as I get a job.

Dame Trott
Cheek! We’ll just have to think of another way to raise the rent money. Now let’s get Daisy to the dairy, we’ve got a big delivery today. I only hope the new second-hand milk float is up to the job.

Jack
(awkwardly) I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.

Dame Trott
It does work, doesn’t it?

Jack
Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news.

Dame Trott
What’s the good news?

Jack
It went like a bomb.

Dame Trott
Great! And the bad news?

Jack
It exploded.

Dame Trott
Oh, no! How are we going to get the milk delivered now?

Jill
Why don’t you let Daisy pull the cart, Mrs T?

Dame Trott
Good idea Jill. And Jack can walk behind with a bucket and shovel and pick up the ‘you know what’. Waste not want not, I always say. And it certainly brings my rhubarb up a treat.

Jack
(to Jill) Would you like to give me a hand Jill?

Jill
(grimacing) No thanks Jack, I think I’ll give it a miss. (to Daisy) No offence Daisy. See you later Jack. Bye Mrs T! (exits SL)

Dame Trott
What a nice girl. Isn’t it about time you two were getting married?

Jack
I did ask her, mum. But she said she won’t marry me until I get a paying job.

Dame Trott
I shan’t rush out and buy a hat then. On the way, we’ll call in and see how Simon’s
getting on in his new job. (to Daisy) Come along Daisy. (leads Daisy off SR)