It’s Secretary’s Day

If you haven’t, get on it. After all, Secretary’s Day, as it’s known to anyone who isn’t, in fact, a secretary, only comes once a year. It’s kind of like Christmas and Thanksgiving — for secretaries — so be on your best behavior. Keep the condescending remarks and ass pats to a minimum today, too. Not saying to omit them entirely, necessarily, just reign ’em in a bit. And whenever you get around to dialing up the help’s extension from your office, make sure you don’t say “Happy Secretary’s Day!” into the speaker; It’s “Administrative Professional’s Day” to them, and, for today, that’s what they deserve to hear.

If you really want to go the extra mile, actually walk across the hall to her office and deliver the well wishes in person. Following it up with an ass pat will probably be acceptable at this point, especially if you remembered the “Administrative Professional” part, but I’d advise forgoing the customary, ever so slight squeeze today. Given the context, that may be pushing it a bit, so think “Baseball.”

For dramatic effect, it may be worth holding back the greeting til around 4:57 PM or so. That way, any expectations she may have had of you remembering her special holiday will have bottomed out. This, of course, maxes out the utility of your recognition of her, and the inevitable boost in morale may even increase productivity throughout the rest of the week. Expect things to be back to normal/mediocrity by Monday, though.

4 Responses to “It’s Secretary’s Day”

Ha. I like how your mind automatically and categorically associates women with the positions of secretary and other office staff. It’s like the old riddle with “the surgeon was his mother” as the answer. Some things never change I guess…