Recent Movies

Monday, 30 March 2015

Boov, a slightly looney alien race, conquer the Earth and relocate the human race. However, a little girl named Tip (Rihanna), manages to hide from them, along with her pet cat called pig. When Tip meets a fugitive Boov called Oh (Jim Parsons), there's mutual distrust. However, Oh is not like his comrades; he craves friendship and fun. As their distrust turns to friendship, the pair set out together to find Tip's mother. Unbeknown to them, the Gorg -- mortal enemies of the Boov -- are on their way to get even.The movie is based on a book called, The True Meaning of Smekday.Director:

This is the perfect movie to keep your kids quiet and entertained this Easter Spring break. Children will love jiggling to the crazy Boov grooves, laughing at the innocent stupidity of Oh, purring along with the vibrating cat called 'pig' (is it weird, that I suddenly just craved bacon) and the cute evil minion lookalike alien race Boovs. The bathroom humour got my belly wiggling in laughter )Boov talking about number 1, number 2 and I don't even want to know what number 3 is!) The concept of the emotion Sad-Mad, will be the new phrase in the house hold.

For adults, however, you may want to use this time to take an hour and a half nap. Home is rather predictable and slightly childish, and may not 'stay' long with you after you leave the theatre. This movie does not compare to the big family entertainment names such as Frozen and Big Hero 6. Having said so, the characters are endearing and loveable, and the plot is light hearted and simple.

I did love the novelty of the fact that Dreamworks used a female protagonist of a mixed race, 'coloured' origin.

Jim Parson as the voice for Oh, made me feel like I was watching a looney toons version of The Big Bang Theory. I mean, if Sheldon Cooper was a cartoon, he would look and sound like this geeky and socially awkward Boov (Oh) -

Oh's invitation for a house warming party, reminded me of Sheldon's fun with flags.

So what happens, when two mid twenties girls, one Blonker (Blogger/Banker) the other a Singer, who have nothing better to do in life, go to watch an animated movie such as Boov? Answer -Peter Pan Syndrome mixed with a wee bit of Brain Damage - proof is in our chat

So, for all you Boov lovers, here's a 4-minute short film called Almost Home was attached to theatrical showings of DreamWorks Animation's Mr. Peabody & Sherman in early 2014 and 20th Century Fox's Rio 2 that same year.

Thursday, 19 March 2015

This is the 7th installment of the Ju-on franchise. The movie, in Japanese, is also known as 'Ju-on: Owari no Hajimari' An elementary school teacher named Yui (Nozomi Sasaki) visits the home of a boy named Toshio Saeki (Kai Kobayashi) who's been absent from school for a long period of time. When she arrives, she re-lives the horrifying events that occurred in the Saeki household 10 years earlier.

So what is a Ju-on? It's a curse, a grudge, that is created when a tortured human dies as the result of an unspeakable evil deed. The Japanese describe this as a lingering powerful rage or extreme lonesome sorrow that is manifested as a ghostly spirit, what they call Onryo. Onryo spirits are typically female, who have suffered in the hands of their lovers, be it abuse, neglect, murder etc After death, these women, once powerless in the living world, now become strong, vengeful, angry and demonic (sounds a bit like my mum if I haven't cleaned my room) towards all who tread their path. "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned"

So, being a devout Horroratti (i.e. horror addict), for me, the jumpier and bumpier the flick, the happier and Chattier the chick!!!! I think I'm going to give the Ju On series a 8 on 10.

Having said that, I have only seen 3 out of the 8 Ju-on series'. (I feel ashamed to call myself a paranormal addict) But, after the first two, you know exactly what to expect in the final few. Bummer!!!!!!!

Japanese and Korean Horrors are definitely the most authentic, spine-chilling, curdling, movies ever made. However, if you plan on streaming these online, and you don't know the local language, you may end up having a right laugh with their English subtitles. I mean, what does, "I Police, Someone You" even mean?

I'm pretty sure this girls name wasn't Seven Seas! (Unless the script writers wife had a pregnancy craving for cod liver oil tablets at the time).

Seven Seas??

And please can someone explain to me what the following timeline is about? All I understood is 'Males are just wrong'. I think I agree.

children who are well let him come to my stomach

my temperature is suitable to meet you

my stomach is connected to the line and then

my body is beautiful

i have filthy

today I went to the shrine shower water waterfall

I did something wrong yet

god always unwilling to grant me a child

even walking posture are not the same

stomach as if there is a soft ball

really want to play with you earlier in this spacious living room

let me give birth to a child that

Males are just wrong

This doesn't mean that the 7th instalment won't give you the heebie jeebies. There is something about this Ju-on that is spine-chillingly petrifying. With screechy cats that are turned to popcorn in the microwave, and squeaky nails carving deep into wooden table tops (I could pull my hair out with that sound) - to croaking ghosts that want to make you curl up into a teeny tiny embryo under your duvet - but will that really keep you safe from the boogie monster?

Miss, may I share this bed with you?

Talking of things that go 'bump' in the night, what do you guys think of my ghastly alter ego AKA The Vampire Mad Hatteress? Fit for the role? :)

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

"WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK", "WITH FRIENDS LIKE YOU, I DON'T NEED LUCK" -- ERRR YES YOU DO!!

Plot

Nicky (Will Smith), a con artist, decides to take on an "intern" Jess (Margot Robbie) to learn the tricks of his trade. The terrible twosome become romantically involved; but, just like most other men in this world, when Jess gets close and clingy, Nicky decides to run for the hills. Three years later, in Buenos Aires and working a very dangerous scheme, Nicky stumbles into Jess -- now an accomplished 'femme fatale' and race skank -- turning his game upside down.

Going to the cinema with a bunch of looney (but loveable) friends, is a bit like being on some lethal cheap drug - it throws you off guard and may even turn you psychotic! Sitting bang in the centre with two chatty women on one side, and two nutty boys on the other - uhmm.. not a really good idea (although fun). So... between being the piggie in the middle over a "you take my salad and I want your ice cream" war, I only caught glimpses of the first fifteen minutes of Focus. (I'm not complaining, atleast I got half a tub of Belgium Chocolate Ice Cream out of it)

yum yum in my tum

Coming back to the movie - careful!!! Focus is so twisted you may sprain your neck! Having worked in the Retail side of Banking at one point, I could relate to some of the petty, cunning crimes depicted here - (And no!!!! Just because I work for a bank, doesn't mean I'm the one committing these crimes) Pick Pocketing, Credit Card Fraud, ATM scams, Gambling, Betting rigs, using mens weakness for hot women to teach them a lesson - wow - Focus brilliantly covers it all! (Actually I may have committed the last one)

Will Smith and Margot Robbie seem to have a magically dynamic on screen Chemistry. Will Smith hasn't aged a day since The Fresh Prince of Bel Air - and that was 24 years ago!!!!!!!!!! He is definitely a sight for sore eyes and weak knees.

Will in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Ageless Will

And Margot Robbie has the ability to bend any normal straight woman!!

Margot Robbie

I guess there are things to be learnt from this movie - (Spoiler Alert)

5) When a girl is on the longest 'period' of her life, she's probably not into you and has an alterior motive.

6) Leggie blondes are thieves in disguise - they probably steal more than just a man's watch - a lesson taught by Margot in The Wolf of Wall Street as well!

Margot in The Wold of Wall Street

Now for a quick session of Chatty's 'Did you know's:

Did you know that Will Smith and his wife Jada have a 'secret' to a happy marriage - asking permission from your wife before you cheat on her. He and his wife of seven years, actress Jada Pinkett, have made a pact that they can sleep with other people, as long as it isn't behind each others back. (Which means, girls, Will is permanently available)

Will and Jada Smith

Did you know Margot first came to prominence for her role as Donna Freedman on the soap opera Neighbours, which earned her two Logie Award nominations.

Margot in Neighbours

Did you know, Margot will also be playing Jane in next years Tarzan movie!! (Any thoughts on who Tarzan will be played by)

Tarzan and Jane

The only pooper in the movie, was the terrible acting by Bradley D Wong. Bradley played the role of a compulsive gambler, Liyuan Tse. He looked like a 3 year old on a sugar rush, trapped in a middle ages man's body!

So...... although critics and friends may disagree, I really enjoyed focusing on Focus. It was well crafted and fun. I guess you could call this movie Marmite - you either love it or you hate it. Have a peek of Focus in the cinema, and let me know your thoughts!

Sunday, 1 March 2015

When a handsome, charming teenager named Noah (Ryan Guzman) moves in next door, newly separated high-school teacher Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez) encourages his friendship and engages in a little bit of harmless -- or so she thinks -- flirtation. Although Noah spends much of the time hanging out with Claire's son, the teen's attraction to her is palpable. One night, Claire gives in to temptation and lets Noah seduce her -- but when she tries to end the relationship, he turns violent.

I'm glad that unlike yesterday's It Follows, The Boy Next Door was worth my two hours and £5 popcorn. It was a brilliantly designed movie, that kept me at the edge of my seat right until the very end! This was one of the few thrillers that was, I believe, even better than the trailer!

Jennifer Lo definitely has a great sense of script picking. Despite originally being a singer by profession, she has done quite well on the Silver Screen too! Unfortunately the same can't be said of most other cross profession celebrities (An interesting flop being Taylor Swift in The Giver). This movie has definitely defined some of her great acting skills.

J Lo in this movie

Taylor Swift with a hat as floppy as her acting

This 45 year old beauty, is one of those hotties, who doesn't seem to age!!! (Another ageless hunk is my favourite Will Smith) Sexy and bootilicious as ever. And stunningly gorgeous! Check out these before after pictures of her for 12 years ago! I would do absolutely anything for J Lo to share her secret to staying sassy with me!

And I don't even know where to begin with the steamy dreamy Ryan Guzman This young version of Channing Tatum definitely makes you weak in the knees! (Girls, watch out for some of his more raunchy scenes in The Boy Next Door, definitely worth a smirk) Despite a very dark, psycho stalkersish role in The Boy Next Door, Ryan still seems to be very desirable! (He can stalk me all he wants!!! ) Watch out for this boy - I have an intuition he will do very well indeed!!

Ryan Guzman

For those who trust my choice in movies, I would suggest, make an effort to watch this gig while it runs on the big screen!

Enjoy the show! And do share your comments, views, thoughts on the comments section below!

Friday, 27 February 2015

After a seemingly innocent sexual encounter, Jay finds herself plagued by strange visions and the inescapable sense that someone, something, is following her. Faced with this burden, Jay and her friends must find a way to escape the horrors that seem to be only a few steps behind.

Director:

David Robert Mitchell

Writer:

David Robert Mitchell

Stars:

Maika Monroe, Keir Gilchrist, Olivia Luccardi

The cast

Chatty Thinks:

So.... the cinema lights go down, and a leggie lass is seen running from someone or something out of her house, in nothing but t shirt and red high heels, and your gripped to the screen wondering, pondering, hooked, thinking what next?!?! The first ten minutes, grip you with suspense and then...

... and then the movie starts.... and you may as well spend the next two hours catching a shut eye!

The concept was brilliant - a twisted adult version of something along the lines of The Ring (Minus the VHS tape) If this concept was picked up by the kinds of Stephen King (A brilliant horror/suspense author) this movie would've been mind blowingly scary.

Stephen King

Instead 'It Follows' consisted of actors who couldn't distinguish an

'Oh I'm so frightened I'm going to pee myself!!!' face

from a

'I need to pee!!!' face.

Maika Monroe

Throw in some bad direction, a camera which seemed like it was held by a 5 year old on a round about, a couple of random scenes that in now shape and form were connected to the movie, and a plot which ends on a critically low note, and voila - you've turned a horror into a sleeping tablet.

I wouldn't be scared if this Gran follows

As a child we played this game at school called 'You've got the Lurgis' If some kid, with this imaginary Lurgi touched you, you would get it until you passed it on to some other poor kid. Some kids used this to exclude others from the group- "You can't play with us, you've got the lurgi!" It Follows, felt like an adult, A Rated version of The Lurgis.

Ok alright alright, I agree there were a few jumps here and there, but not enough for a Horror Genre addict, like me, to crave more. I am surprised IMDb actually gave this movie a 7.4 rating - I think it's worth a 3.7.

Monday, 23 February 2015

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis star in "Jupiter Ascending," an original science fiction epic adventure from filmmakers Lana and Andy Wachowski (The Matrix).

Plot

Jupiter Jones (Kunis) was born under a night sky, with signs predicting that she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along—her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.

For all those who think that the gorgeous, jaw dropping, sensational Mila Kunis could never look like doom and gloom, cast your eyes on this!!!!!! (She looks like a crab apple tree! - The makeup artist needs to be fired IMMEDIATELY)

Mila Kunis

The crab apple tree

Likewise, wonderful women of this world who tremble at the thought of the sexy Channing Tatum, I atleast would never look at this scruffy, Mr Tumnus (ref: Chronicles of Narnia) twice!!

Channing Tatum

Mr Tumnus

By the way all you Tatumites, I found his twin - and he happens to be a British Stripper at Forbidden Nights! (Below) (And no! I haven't been there ----- yet! wink wink)

The highlight for me was drooling over the scrumptious bad boy, Douglas Booth.

Douglas Booth

So, coming back to the topic, the plot was so-so, and the acting - worse! Kunis kept getting dragged around from planet to planet, with no defined purpose, and Tatum had no understandable role in the movie apart from catching Kunis everytime she clumsily fell off from tall buildings (I would rather watch King Kong in action here) and attracting his fans to watch his topless body!High class actors (Kunis, Tatum) in a mediocre plot, just doesn't work!

The only actor, who played a semi decent role was the talented British actor - Eddie Redmayne, who played the part of the sickly Balem Abrasax. Eddie always seems to play disabled, poorly roles in movies - another example being The Theory of Everything. I'm not complaining - he's brilliant anyways)

All in all, not my kind of movie. I didn't enjoy it, but the graphics may be appealing to a few people out there!