Sign up for my mailing list below. It only takes a few seconds, and I'll be sure to let you know what's going on with my exclusive list-only video blogs, downloads like ringtones and audio from recent shows, and giveaways from me and my sponsors. Every second you don't sign up, a panda dies in Brazil. I don't even think pandas live in Brazil.

I’ve been arguing with a woman on one of my YouTube video pages (I know, but I find it amusing to troll these people). The bit is a about a middle-eastern guy on a plane, and it has a couple people upset. They are telling me it’s offensive, etc., and last night one of them started making fat jokes about me. So I posted the above this morning in response.

I’d appreciate it if some of you would go to the video page throughout the day and post condolences to my family as if I’ve passed away. Don’t over-do it, and don’t make it too cheesey and fake. Just say “I just heard Patrick passed away this afternoon”, or kind words about my comedy. Some of you should get angry at her and blame her for my death, but again, don’t make it too over-the-top or it will come off as fake.

I want to make this woman, who is obviously a Christian, feel horrible. This has potential to be really funny. Please spread the word and make this woman feel like an asshole.

I have a friend who goes here all the time because there is one in Wisconsin where he is from. I also have a friend who is mentally challenged. I’m not saying they are the same person, but you do the math. (Just kidding. I’d never be friends with a mentally challenged person)

It’s weird to go somewhere bad just because you’re used to it. But that’s why girls stay with guys who beat them: familiarity. I guess you’d drive all over earth to eat mediocre crap if you were raised on it, but count me out. I like food that tastes good.

They do the old thing where they mix your chili with beans or spaghetti. Whatever. I like traditional bean chili. Preferably a batch that hasn’t been sitting in a pot all day cooking to oblivion. And don’t order or a chili dog unless you like soggy, white, water-logged wieners. I felt like I was blowing an old man.

This place is small, dirty, uncomfortable and weird. I hope it closes so a cell phone store can open in it’s place.

I have a friend who goes here all the time because there is one in Wisconsin where he is from. I also have a friend who is mentally challenged. I’m not saying they are the same person, but you do the math. (Just kidding. I’d never be friends with a mentally challenged person)

It’s weird to go somewhere bad just because you’re used to it. But that’s why girls stay with guys who beat them: familiarity. I guess you’d drive all over earth to eat mediocre crap if you were raised on it, but count me out. I like food that tastes good.

They do the old thing where they mix your chili with beans or spaghetti. Whatever. I like traditional bean chili. Preferably a batch that hasn’t been sitting in a pot all day cooking to oblivion. And don’t order or a chili dog unless you like soggy, white, water-logged wieners. I felt like I was blowing an old man.

This place is small, dirty, uncomfortable and weird. I hope it closes so a cell phone store can open in it’s place.

Over the past year, several people have emailed me, tweeted me and messaged me on Facebook that Tosh.0 was using bits from my podcast and my standup on the show. Someone also emailed me recently when a bit I did on the show about two years ago became a bit on Daniel Tosh’s latest standup special.

As a comic, I’m used to some occurrences of parallel thought, and I’m not quick to jump in and say that someone is or isn’t stealing from me, but I want to start archiving these occurrences on this blog.

The latest is last night on Tosh.0, which featured a sketch based on the idea of the public service announcements that tell gays and lesbians “It gets better”.

I tweeted about this over a month ago, and now it has spurned a Tosh.0 bit. Again, not accusing, but just making a note here. If there is a writer at Tosh.0 who is stealing my shit (it’s been about six thing now that I’m aware of), I hope they get what’s coming to them.

Now that America is 235 years old, is she finally considered a cougar? #july4th #noodles #ducks

Posted 7 years ago

Listen To My Podcast

NLO 1277: Wesketti and Queefballs

It’s Super Bowl weekend and there’s a lot of weirdo NLO fans wandering Vegas. This show attempts to catch people up with where Patrick has been and some of the stories from overseas. We also dive in to some of the drama already settling in the Queefhaus, a shady AirBnB rented by Wes and a […]