Dear Amy: My boyfriend of one year is a great guy. He is 10 years older than me, has a successful business, and we have a lot of fun together. We get along really well except for one problem: When we’re out with friends and he’s had a few drinks, he tends to make jokes at other people’s expense that aren’t funny. These comments are cutting and can be mean at times.

I don’t mind so much if he does this with his friends, but I hate it when he does this with mine because he doesn’t even know some of them very well. I have asked him repeatedly to stop doing this but he doesn’t.

This behavior interferes with my feelings for him and I get really turned off. Even having me withdraw from him afterward for a few days doesn’t make a difference in his behavior.

Do you have any suggestions? — Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: You have a problem with your boyfriend’s drinking, and thus he has a drinking problem.

You have explained how his choices and behavior affect you. You have demonstrated the consequences of his behavior by being and acting unhappy. You have asked him to modify his behavior, and he either can’t or won’t.

Your guy is doing what he wants to do, without much regard for your feelings or those of your friends.

And so you must do what you want to do. If you are willing to be with someone who is mean when drunk and who embarrasses you and hurts your feelings, then by all means, stay with him.

Dear Amy: My twice-divorced mother-in-law has taken up with a “companion” who has an arrest record that is quite extensive.

After smelling marijuana on him, my wife and I checked his background, as he is now living at my mother-in-law’s house. His record includes breaking and entering, theft, drug possession, two DUIs and a DWI.

We have indicated that we don’t feel comfortable around this companion as I have a job that requires absolute security, and my wife feels uncomfortable around him, especially with our first baby on the way.

My wife and I have been accused of making my mother-in-law choose between our new baby and her companion.

Sure, the background check is a little over the top (you should see the extensive background checks they do for my job), but he is not good news. What do you think? — VR

Dear VR: It is every parent’s duty to protect your child from harm, but using access to your child as a way to try to protect your mother-in-law from harm (if that’s your goal) won’t work.

If you genuinely feel this person would hurt you or your child (it’s hard to imagine how he could unless you left the child alone with them), then do what every responsible parent does and assert your duty to do what’s best for your child.

You should tell your mother-in-law, “We love you and would never keep you from seeing your grandchild. But knowing what we know about your companion, we’re going to have to limit the baby’s access to him. Most importantly, we’re worried about you. We can’t protect you the way we can protect our baby, but we wish you’d leave this relationship.”

Dear Amy: “Heartsick in Suffolk” described sitting shiva and her disappointment with a stepdaughter who didn’t acknowledge Heartsick’s father’s death.

Seems to me that this grieving daughter has missed the point of sitting shiva! If she sat around doing an accounting of who sent daisies and who sent roses, then she needs to speak to her rabbi about the purpose of shiva.

Of course, this really is just an issue of transference. This issue of the neglectful family isn’t really the issue. The issue is: My family member has died, and I don’t want to deal with it! — Tom

My husband and I are retired. We married 12 years ago — several years after his ex had an affair and left him. My husband has two grown sons (around 40), one of whom is married. The married son and his wife essentially ignore that I exist.