Wednesday, November 12, 2008

In which I offer employment advice

Fair warning here: I am really cranky lately. I know, I know, but I mean EXTRA cranky. It is mainly because I'm not eating. Well, more like I'm not eating the foods I want to eat, like bacon and birthday cake. I have lost four pounds. And also my sense of humor.

It doesn't help matters that work is pretty quiet these days, and by quiet I mean BORING. And boring means I need some sort of entertainment, which, in the good old days used to be snacks. But oh no! Not anymore. Now I have to do things like THINK and HAVE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS with people. I'm not going to last very long.

But in this god-awful economy, a currently boring job is a lot better than a currently non-existent job, so I have to suck it up. In case you are in the same boat, I offer you some ideas on how to keep from getting fired in this difficult time:

DO NOT, upon starting your computer in the morning, ask loudly "IS IT ONLY WEDNESDAY?"

DO NOT, when asked to perform a task, roll your eyes and say "God! I am so TIRED of people asking me to do stuff!"

DO NOT call your client and ask why they aren't spending all that money they have. Misers. Like we're in an economic crisis or something. Pssh.

DO NOT yell "we're all gonna die!" every time someone asks you a question.

DO NOT answer the phone "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam". Unless, of course, you work at Dunder Mifflin. And your name is Pam.

DO NOT, when writing your weekly update for the office health program, send an email saying "Who cares? The world in going to end in 2012 anyway. Eat whatever you want and then take a nap."