Top 10 Jim Acosta self-affirmations

If Stuart Smalley and Ron Burgundy had a child, it would be CNN’s Jim Acosta.

He’s become such a precise caricature of everything loathsome about media bias that you can’t help but wonder if he was actually planted at CNN by the Trump political operation. It’s hard to believe one human being could so perfectly check every stereotypical box of a sanctimonious, self-obsessed hacktivist all on his own.

But with this one picture, Acosta managed to top himself. Or sink even lower, depending upon your perspective.

Such a descent into self-parody calls for a public pillorying with extreme prejudice, a call I am happy to oblige. So, without further ado, I present my list of top 10 Jim Acosta self-affirmations.

10. Damn, wish I was my lover.
9. Find someone who looks at you the way I look at myself.
8. I’m all about that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble.
7. Who is God that I would be mindful of Him?
6. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not souped. Ego trips is not my thing.
5. If I had it to do all over, I’d fall in love with me again.
4. I love me some me.
3. 4 … 8 … 15 … 16 … 23 … 42 …
2. I’m kind of a big deal.
1. I don’t want anybody else. When I think about me, I touch myself.