A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to a Good Marriage; Part I

Marriage can bring out the worst in people. Some spouses cheat, they lie about money, or they destroy each other’s sense of self-worth. They put their children in the middle of their battles even before a divorce has been filed. Sometimes, they get violent. Everyday I see people who have made similar mistakes which have landed them in my office. Perhaps, it is seeing these types of common mistakes over and over again which have allowed my wife and I to remain married for over two decades (that and I knew a good deal when I saw one). Divorce stinks under the best of circumstances but hopefully by following some of these points of advice you can avoid landing in my office.1. Do Not Believe the Hype; Love Does NOT Conquer All

Many people mistake lust for love and like the old Johnny Cash song says, they get “married in a fever.” Sorry burst your romantic bubble, but marriages take a lot of work and love (especially lust) does not conquer all things. Some thing it will not conquer: (i) Disparate views on managing money; (ii)Rigidly held religious differences; (iii) Conflicting long-term goals; (iv)Troubled family histories; (v) Abusive behavior.2. Never Be Too Busy to Spend Time TogetherFinding opportunities to be alone together is extremely important; especially for people with children.Children benefit most when their parents have a healthy relationship.Many people who wind up in my office are in relationships where one or both parties simply stopped working on their relationships and stopped dating their spouse. Find time to have dinner alone (without the kids), watch TV and share a bowl of popcorn – sit on the couch together; put down the smartphone and have a conversation. Never forget that you could lose your spouse. Even the President of the United States finds time for date night.3. SEX – Keep Having ItWe generally do not have to delve too deeply into people’s personal lives during in divorce cases.However, to be “separated” as that term is defined in the law means to not be engaging in sex with the other spouse.Many people who are getting divorced have not had sex with their spouse in months or even years. When someone tells me that, I am pretty sure I can see at least part of the problem with the marriage relationship. I heard a speaker one time make the statement that women need an emotional connection to have sex; men need sex to feel an emotional connection. When it is not happening in a marriage relationship, it is usually a sign of bigger problems. Moreover, the lack of sex in a marriage relationship could lead to infidelity which is the least forgiven sin in a marriage. Again, never forget that you could lose your spouse and there is someone out there who would gladly take him/her from you.