Alpha (Napoleon/Illya | G | 4,046 words): Napoleon and Illya only have one more class to complete before they can become UNCLE agents. If you've ever wondered why heroes snark at the bad guys while fighting or while captured, then this is for you. This is alternately crackily hilarious with Napoleon and Illya insulting each other for class and rather sweet with them coming to understand one another.

Excerpt:"But it is not enough," Roman went on, "that you be able to fight, kill, improvise and withstand torture. You must also maintain the high standards of UNCLE's scorn for the criminal element, at all times. A sense of humour is essential. A quick mind likewise. Taunting your enemies mercilessly, enduring whatever punishment they throw at you, is a useful gambit. Provoking them into making a mistake is as much a part of your arsenal as your Special is."

Akilimale patted his sidearm comfortably. Roman recalled that the young man had the best record of anyone, to date, on the firing range. He made a note to keep an eye on him, make sure he wasn't too reliant on his weapon.

"So I am going to pair you off," he said, "and evaluate just how irritating you can be to each other. You will be evaluated on the strengths of your wit, your repartee, and how cleverly you use language." He fixed his glower on Grant and added, "Points will be deducted for out-and-out crudeness."