Friday, August 28, 2009

slumpy. slump slump slump. that's what i'm in right now. that's a word that sounds just like it feels. especially when you say it a lot. in your head.

i need to get my ass kicked into gear and get out of this. i just don't feel like taking care of myself right now - that's never a good thing. there's a lot of stuff swirling and i think i'm just letting it all get to me too much. i should go to yoga tonight, but i probably won't. i should take the weekend and have a knock-down, scrub-out fight with my apartment, but i probably wont. i should go to the hot sauce festival and see the tiny tin hearts and let their twinkliness warm me up, but i probably won't.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

- there is a group of dragonflies that live between my office and the coffee shop. they were out and dancing jauntily this morning on my way there and back. i love that they're always in motion. they should be out everyday to make me happy. - the cute new lesbian girl at said coffee shop WON'T STOP FLIRTING WITH ME. it's funny. - someone has named something beautiful and colorful and awesome after me. i cried when they told me and i saw it. for the first time in years. - i was the only one in the pool for most of my swim this morning. it was tres calming.

Friday, August 21, 2009

i got up this morning, went thought my usual routine - doing the same thing i do everyday. i look down at my bedside lamp, the lamp i've had next to my bed for at least 5 years and saw this:

now, let me give you a close-up (its a little blurry because i'm not a good photographer):

that is a sticker. of a fish. of a cartoon fish. of flounder from "the little mermaid" (affectionately known as "the little turdmaid" in my house). on my lamp.

WHERE THE HELL DID IT COME FROM??? and why haven't i noticed it until now? do i have the ghost of a 6 year old girl in my room who wanted me to know that she was thinking about me? maybe. that would be a nice thought. but until i know, i'm slightly skeeved.

there a bit of the randomness that goes on in my life. daily. it's scary.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

sweet! no ones here, wakeywakey, mystery dance, elvis costello rocks, lip service, living in paradise, flip turn, drinking with friends that hasn't happened yet, replacement killers, chow yun fat - he was so handsome why'd he let himself get old?, john woo, the big hit, mark wahlberg CAN be funny - geez he takes himself so seriously, people in town, how did it become like high school again?, flip turn, no wonder i don't want to go out, apple burp, tom waits, wiant, fred van vactor, kangaroo lake, ian moore, mac - i hope she comes back healed so we can skate, i should just try the skating on my own, flip turn, wheels and i don't mix, FLIP TURN!, ow, chamois, shorts, flying, stroke, running away, pull, did i just bounce off the wall?, michael jackson, he's awesome and all but i'm over hearing him everywhere, michael vick, this should be interesting.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

you know what my mind just tripped itself up on? the fact that, were i living in MA around the time of the witch trials, i would have been burned at the stake due to a birthmark that i have - a "witch's teat". oh yes people. and it's very close to the naughty spot. it's just weird to me that people die because of things they can't help. all the time.

this is where my mind wanders off to when it's not challenged and i'm BORED.

Monday, August 10, 2009

that the longest commitment i've had to anything ever is with my current car. everyday for 6 years, my darling cindy the civic. well, everyday except those 3 months i didn't leave my house, you remember? you've taken me and my entire life across this great land of ours 3 times. been on countless road trips that exceed 10 hours in length. been there for me through the good times and the bad.

happy birthday darling. here's hoping you last me another 6 years. unless you move me to a climate that requires all-wheel drive. then i might have to trade you for a sally the subaru.

last night tim easton and i were in charge of tutoring a couple of adolescent girls that were part of a bigger group of girls doing something - i can't remember what. tim was still his awesome little lumberjack rockin', songwriting self, but this was like a side gig for him or something? we were great friends and lived together platonically in a house that was right next door to one of the girls and went on our tutoring way. then we found out that she was secretly seeing a boy that lived a few houses away, but no one liked him, so it wasn't ok with everyone else. and her grades started to suffer and tim and i were talking about how to handle the situation - the best way to approach it. we couldn't get a good grip on how to handle it, so we went and talked with a couple of other people that we both knew but i can't place them now for the life of me. it was a long drive through forests to get to these people and we had a long night of conversation and wine and lovely times. they kind of helped and kind of didn't. and on the drive back, tim and i started having romantical feelings for each other. and then i woke up. before the feelings were acted out in a physical way - THANK GOODNESS. that would have been WAY weird. i love me some tim easton.

i always want interpretations for these darned things. those dream dictionaries don't help at all. :p

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

how it is that i came to work in such a boring and mundane job. a job where words so gray and anvil-y as "underwriter", "guaranty", "insurance", "qualification", "bottom line", "closing costs", "MIP fee" and "funding" are every day jargon. where people ask me for "numbers" at the beginning of every month. a job that's so devoid of whimsy in any way. a job where the ONLY way i can explain the utter stupidity of people is to tell myself that they're just being funny - there's no other reason for it. a job where the fluorescent light is draining the soul from me. a job where sales people have to put their information on BRIGHT ORANGE pieces of paper because they KNOW it's the only color we see all day. a job where i have to say, at least 3 times a day at some point "*insert name here* is a golden link in my chain of good" just so i don't shake them to the point of brain damage. a job where i type the same things every day, several times a day - "this file is... and we need the following to continue with the file:"... my brain leaks out my ear a little every time i type something like that. it's draining and makes me feel like a blob. it's not like this was ever a goal. i didn't go to school for this. i never endeavored to be desk-bound and surrounded by the mortgage equivalent of TPS reports, i've only ever wanted to survive.

i'm so over this boredom and lack of challenge, but i don't know where to go from here. at least my car will be paid off in november and i'll have the freedom to only have to make rent and food for myself. maybe i'll just quit everything and become a bartender somewhere. at least i'll get free drinks. ish.

Monday, August 3, 2009

because this girl doesn't need it. FUCK ME she and her awesome band put on a great show. i know it's not hard - they're simple songs, they're simple chord chord chord distortion bridge, but, in my opinion, the simplicity is where the performer is made. if you can make a kick ass show with that simple a formula, then you ARE the consummate performer in my opinion. you don't have anything to hide behind then. the ultimate, unspoken test: you, the audience and your simple songs. and if you can't pull that off, then you're screwed.besides that, it's a MONDAY NIGHT. who goes to a show and gets crazy on a monday night?!?! apparently austin does for this girl. i was chatting with the bass player after the show and he couldn't believe how amazing the crowd was - especially for a monday night. i told him that it isn't always like that. i love it when people can wow other people.

as i write this, i'm still salty and sweaty - glasvegas didn't impress me enough to stay past 3 songs - sorry! they're essentially interpol and the killers having a scottish baby. i just didn't feel it. maybe their one album is better? and i didn't dig that they were kind of hiding behind their light show.

i think i love her more because i knew, the minute she stepped on stage, that she was me if i could sing and write songs. she is the kind of performer i'd be, only i'd be better. *grin*

about a year ago, i worked for a company where their corporate headquarters were in tulsa, but i worked in a branch in austin. everything was in tulsa including tech support. and since i was the most tech savvy one there (which should tell you everything you need to know) i got on pretty good terms with the tech dude living in tulsa. hell, everywhere i go i get on great terms with the tech dudes. nerds are SO easy.

well, it got to a point, since i'm a HUGE tease (ha!), where he just randomly started sending me... uhm... stuff. like pictures and stuff and stuff that I DID NOT ASK FOR. and it wasn't pretty. and it was a little freaky. but HILARIOUS. i was torn as to how to feel about this because i couldn't stop laughing. example: he sent a picture where he's outside, naked, standing in a tunnel. and it's obvious that someone else took this picture for him. it was like a school portrait, but he was naked. and had a "third leg". well, i couldn't tell if it was really that big or if it was an optical illusion because he was so short. and there is nothing attractive about this dude. and it was all just kind of grossly funny. and i kind of just left it - no encouragement, no nothing.

WELL, today, for whatever reason, he just popped up on my im and started talking. RANDOM. i really hope he doesn't start up where he left off. i'm even slightly uncomfortable with the idea of talking to him again. because he thinks that, were we to meet in person, "something" would happen. which it wouldn't. EVER. and i'm really bad at letting people down.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

we all bitch about it at one point or another - the stifling heat. the overwhelming heat. the heat the humidity the heat and, oh yeah, THE HOT HEAT. and yes, while i complain about it too, i don't think i could do without it on a periodic basis. were i to move to somewhere with a "pleasant" summer, i would still visit here just to kick my own ass.

when it comes right down to it, there are a great many things i love about this place in the summer. i love that august and september mean dragonflies and fireflies come out to play. i saw no less than 5 dragonflies yesterday!i love that i can take a walk around the neighborhood and smell EVERYTHING. and i mean everything. the grass. the dirt. the rocks. the asphalt. the flowers. the trees. the houses. the animals. the people. and then the combinations of those things. it's a cacophony of smells! my nose dances a lusty jig in the din of aromatic pleasures! i can't imagine these smells being able to travel through cool air.i love the lust that comes with southern* summers too. i think it's because people here give up on trying to cover the sweat or scent because you just get yourself hotter trying to do something about it. and that makes room for pheromones galore to romp and play and get people going. and since you're already sweaty and sticky, you don't hold back in getting more so. i makes the whole dance less refined - much more to my liking. and, let me just say, some of the most libidinous dudes i've ever met were southern. or had soaked up several southern summers if they weren't natives. it makes you let go and gear up all at the same time.

not to say i don't hole up in my apartment with cartons of ice cream, shaved ice, tons of iced tea and the ac at 80 a lot of the time, but i definitely drive with the windows down and do what i can to soak up this stuff while it's around.

yay summer! i totally won't miss you until february! *grin*

* - i use southern loosely because i still don't feel that texas is the south. or at least not the south that i know and grew up with. i almost put it in quotes, but decided against it.