Why I didn’t figure this out when it was swimsuit weather, I will never know. But I finally decided it was time to get back on the wagon. South Beach Diet wagon, that is.

It’s not any crazy health kick I’ve adopted. Nor am I planning on leaving my husband for Clive Owen. I’d just like to have another baby within the next year or so but I’m paranoid if I don’t lose at least a few pounds between kids that said pounds become mine for-ev-uh — which fear will drive me to do a lot of extreme and abnormal [“Abby Normal”?] things.

Like give up carbs.

And fruit.

And chocolate.

For two whole weeks.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is serious motivation.

If you’re looking for a primer on the ins-and-outs of the South Beach Diet, buy the book. Suffice it to say that for someone who does not like eggs and will not each fish or seafood, SBD is an odd choice. But we’ve got history together, SBD and I, so I’ve crawled back to him like a skanky ex-girlfriend, ready to beg him to take me back. I hope blogging about my quest will just help keep me motivated. And honest. I need all the help I can get.

The Rules:

I won’t reveal my actual current weight.

I won’t reveal my target weight.

Oh … and I won’t reveal my weight.

Sing it with me: “Ain’t nobody’s bidness but my own…”

DAY FOUR

Weight: -2 lbs.

The Highs:

I found a recipe for a South Beach Muffin made with milled flax seed instead of flour. It isn’t anything I would ever eat on a normal, diet-free, carb-rich day, but it’s almost so very close to bread that I’m nearly grateful to gnaw it down every morning.

I also found recipes for Socca and Farinata, two more “almost breads” made with chickpea flour. [Talk amongst yourselves…The chickpea is neither a chick nor a pea. Discuss.”] Findingchickpea flour was an odyssey that entailed multiple trips, mercifully sans children, until at the third store I discovered it was sold as garbanzo flour. Fine, whatever. Haven’t tried the recipes yet, but I’m hoping the socca can stand in for tortillas when I make fajitas…

The Lows:

I’ve been a little disappointed at my pace. The first time I tried SBD, I think I lost 5 lbs. the first two days. This is probably because I have much less weight to lose this time but it was still a little irritating. It also motivated me to eliminate another couple things (little cheats, really) that I thought I could handle.

I haven’t really missed too many carbs, but I’ve been craving fruit like a giant ape.

Chocolate, chocolate, wherefore art thou? One of my small cheats was sugar free Jello pudding — but then I discovered it, too, is a no-no. (How does this make sense? You can have sugar-free Jello and sugar-free Fudgsicles, but no sugar-free pudding? Sigh.)

All in all, doing okay. Ten more days of Phase 1 to go.

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About The Chatelaine

The Dragonslayer's Wife. Mother of two Knights of The Realm. Keeper of the castle. Dame of The Order of Goldfish. Empress of Errands. Mistress of Leftovers. Writer betimes. Luckiest woman in the world.