I need to bring some full disclosure to the table this morning. It’s rainy in PDX (fucking shocker) and I spent the weekend unpacking boxes, breaking down boxes, shoving moving paper into big black trash bags, then carrying all that shit down to dumpsters where I had to separate them because Portland has figured out recycling on a massive civic level. My Angeleno was coming out. Once plastic bag can’t take down a whale, can it? It’d probably be awesome to see. Fuck, I’m a bad person. Hell with a pen though.

Honestly, the last time I caught so little of a game on television was my wedding night where I had snuck to the bar to catch a few minutes when I was summoned back because I was missing the garter toss and it felt super messed up to let someone else toss a garter belt, especially your now-wife’s.

From what I could tell, there were still some bubble screens that pissed off the world, turnovers made it closer than it needed to be in the beginning and Marqise Lee is the best player in the history of the universe.

I mean, the guy has a mystery allergy that basically swells his face up like he’s on a weird date in Hitch (admit it fuckers, you saw that movie and every time it’s on TBS you watch, don’t front the front master). Instead of drinking Benadryl and trying to get in Eva Mendes’ pants, he just goes out and tears it up to the point that I think ASU remembers it place and won’t pull that “beating us” bullshit they ran with last year. What was that all about?

Let’s keep it real, there’s not much more arrogant than not watching most of the game and writing an official recap of it anyway.

To be honest, it’s as easy to move on from a win at ASU as it is to get fired up about next week’s game. The Pac 12 South on the line. The most meaningful game against UCLA we’ve had in all the time I can remember (they’ve been a garbage sandwich for so long).

I will be in Cannon Beach, just close enough to where Goonies was shot to really get pumped up and maybe get a little local fat kid to do the truffle shuffle. I am making sure I have television access. I am going to grip a bottle of Bulleit in one hand and maybe a bear skull in the other and will a victory.

I am moving on from this post and letting you know that come Thursday, the gloves are coming off in a disgusting, inappropriate way. I am aware of all the crap their blogs, their team, the rankings and so on are saying. Fear not. They meet their reckoning Thursday. Until then, practice #dickmoves on your Bruin coworkers. Like “oh, sorry I played flip cup with the hot coffee you were holding” and then just say “#dickmoves” and maybe make a face that screams “you’re welcome”.

It’s time to go big. Got a trip to Detroit and back, but when I am back it’s hands down, G’s up.

Just an fyi, word is their whiny alums got the school to try and “ban” the drum major for stabbing the field Saturday, threatening that if he does it in pre-game, we won’t be able to do halftime. Which is cool because then we’ll just play Tribute for 8mins straight from the stands.

Feel free to tweet your local news/sportscasters about this repeatedly…

Glad to see you’re settling in, even if it’s Duck Country. I’m from ASU territory originally so seeing them eat Coliseum was wonderful. Looking forward to your pre-game UCLA post. You gotta mention the band thing now.

This crap about the USC Drum Major and his sword is a joke. The fBruins are so pathetic that they can’t take their poor logo getting hurt. It is a rivalry for God’s sake. Grow up and grow some baby bruins. And not being able to play TUSK because we get to yell UCLA Sucks, get a grip. Sue us for slander,but oh yeah it is not slander if it true. Sorry about that.