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Narcissists and Psychopaths Online: The Narcissism of Cyberbullying and Trolling - great article

Narcissists and Psychopaths Online: The Narcissism of Cyberbullying and Trolling - article

This article is one that mentions survivors of abuse as being specific targets and the effects that come from getting involved with these people. It also gives ideas to keep yourself safe while online.

I would like to add to this that, from my decades of experience with the internet and survivor forums, I have learned that the most dangerous of behaviors is to become overly paranoid - a self-sabotaging attempt to 'remove oneself' from the real support that the internet can offer survivors of abuse - by removing oneself and all traces of their interaction on the internet.

So, here is the scenario and how it works. You come in contact with a narcissist/troll, he/she befriends you, gains your personal information, you trust them totally. After all, they are good at what they do - and, are always nice - many survivors are the perfect victims - craving attention and love - and, online-abusers are right there to offer it up to anyone who is needy and vulnerable - for a price - your loyalty to them. You begin to feel controlled and fear saying or doing anything that might upset them. "When a narcissist suffers from an offense to their false sense of superiority and entitlement, they endure what is known as a narcissistic injury, often followed by narcissistic rage. This rage is a result of an injury to their ego when something or someone threatens their delusions of grandeur and “false self.”" When you mention 'leaving them' is when you discover that you 'can't leave' (survivors often fool themselves by thinking that by leaving, they are actually hurting their 'friends' who are still caught up in the 'bullying').

As with any other type of abuse, you come to feel helpless and especially, on the internet - begin to wonder if 'anyone' can be trusted. With trolls threatening you and using their 'talents' to turn other survivors against each other - generally using 'triangulation' - you come to panic and 'feel' a real sense of danger coupled with extreme paranoia. So, the next step is to either warn survivors to stay away from the 'real' supporters or remove yourself completely from the internet - without an explanation - again protecting the trolls to the point of where they now have personal and complete access to you - and, you - terrified that if you report the issue, worse might happen to you - or whomever they threaten.

"Cyberbullying can also be retraumatizing and invalidating for survivors of abuse and trauma. Specifically, in the narcissistic abuse survivor community, narcissists tend to support other narcissists and both survivors as well as professionals may come under attack for speaking their truth about narcissistic abuse. There is, unfortunately, a great deal of victim-blamers and enablers online who support the actions of abusers or vilify advocates that expose the predatory nature of abusers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder."

Paranoia or giving up on those who really are there to support you is what trolls work toward. Their main goal is to isolate you - and, your reaction puts you right there - where they want you - vulnerable, silenced, and alone.

When you notice someone 'vilifying' (attacking) advocates who expose abusers and trolls - those are the people you want to trust and make reports to them. They will support you and put a stop to that sort of activities. Don't hide or run or sabotage your own needs, because of abusive trolls that need to be tossed off the internet. Trolls use victims to do their bidding - victims are just that - it only takes one troll to collect hundreds of victims and enablers. Don't get caught up in this - it can be a deadly game you are playing with them by 'hoping' they can be trusted.

Read this article - it is amazing - and true. (All quotes taken from the article).

there are things needed to be known by everyone on the net, especially people who have been abused by those close t o them in the past.many of the behaviours people who troll in the internet also have similar roots in RL

wishing you well- Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, PetreaKrathyn of We5: we accept all intentions of support--

Oh so true, because ppl on the net 'are' real - after all, and as we have seen, many try to meet their victims irl - and, some victims actually are also looking for friends from the internet that they can meet irl.

I would be interested in 'following up' on folks who have 'friended' these people irl - and where they might be now. We know the outcome of some of these relationships - and, they were anything but 'healing' or 'healthy'.

I think that if we want to stay out of that cycle of abuse, we need to look for friends that have 'healthy' boundaries - or that we have many commonalities with - etc. - rather than someone who writes us a personal message on the internet.

I have 5-7 people, at least, a week writing me private messages - wanting to meet me irl. I have never known or met these people, but they don't stop - it is like 'grooming' - they begin with nice gooshy pm's of how wonderful I am, etc. then, move to trying to put me on a guilt-trip (you just don't like me, you don't treat others like this, etc), then, to I can't live without you, to I guess, I don't have anything to live for, finally to a fierce kind of anger, badmouthing, etc. Trying me explain to them that I am not looking for friends - whatever - no matter how nice, NEVER works. At lease, it happens quickly on the net - within several days time - and, generally from social media - not even from my 'friends' - just messages - from folks I never even heard of - through yahoo and google pm's also. (It hasn't happened here in a long time). And, when it happened to me here - others complained quickly of the same - and the perps were asked to leave.

But, it does happen irl - just much slower and methodically. And, often times, I don't think the abuser and/or the victim recognize the same 'dance' - the 'grooming' - but, it is the same. First, the 'attraction' - giving of presents, love at first sight, etc., the excitement of the 'perfect person', (too good to be true - is how I recognize it), but often that 'feels wrong' (the questions - what if this is NOT too good to be true). Next, the one time you don't have time to do what they want - the guilt trip comes - why didn't you call me back? Where were you? etc. I needed you - you weren't there and even to the 'I can't live without you.' By then, you are stuck in a really abusive relationship. Now, try saying 'NO' again. These people don't understand boundaries. They become angry and sometimes violent or physical which we respond in 'fear' - and, probably rightly so. This 'fear' and dance can go on for decades - in marriages and friendships built on a weird type of co-dependence.

On the net, we can be anonymous - so can they - best to keep it that way. We can effectively 'block' them.

One thing that I hear a lot is first, complaints that someone is being 'accessed' - most survivors recognize this term - then, others saying that they didn't get contacted - so must be the person is okay. Reality - narcissists interests are not how much 'they like someone', they are not based on similarities - their interest is spurred by whom they are able to control - the 'perfect victims' - those who have trouble saying 'no'. They have no interest in contacting people who are simply going to ignore them. Irl, they watch their victims first - they may ask you for something small - and, watch as each reacts differently. They aren't going to pursue someone who tells them to 'hit the road' or walks away from them. They first 'no' tells them that you aren't a 'good catch'.

That is how so many serial killers pick their victims. They ask for help - and, victims can't say 'no'. They move on to the next. We all know that, but when put in the position - how many of us can say 'no' to a perp who just needs a bit of help?

Stay safe - stop it before you are caught in these relationships.

And, don't go analyzing yourself - wondering if 'you' are a narcissist - another trap - they love to blame their behavior on the victim. And don't change your behavior - thinking that you 'might' be 'viewed' as a perp, because you tried to make friends with someone. If you are a narcissist, you are mad as hell at me right now - knowing that you actually have exposed yourself to many who do recognize your behavior - not all fall for that bs. If you are not feeling extremely angry right now, you aren't a perp.

yes i did look at some of the behaviours and think i have some like that, but i did not feel angry about being told i was and maybe i am not. mostly i felt fearful and insecure reading this, and i am one who tends to not respond when i see something that does not look or sound right.i go on forums and i have forums and i rarely get involved in things i don't want to, because most perps on the net, leave me alone, and i have learnt to leave certain kinds of things alone."too good to be true""i can't live with out you""neediness (over and over)"let's you and her fightany kind of set up where two will be against oneas much as i can, i leave it alone.

wishing you well- Krathyn, Sebastian, Strawberry, Easebeth, PetreaKrathyn of We5: we accept all intentions of support--

You are so good at that Krathyn - you are like the person on the outside looking in - watching and knowing. You walked away once - and, ended up staying here with us - that makes us smile - cuz you do rock!!!