Pain, evil beards, the Snuggie, Wheel, and … what was it? Oh, Canada. It was such a slow week that Arizona’s governor made the news for being a bitch to a dark person. Still, here’s the recap:

The next time your wife brags that women have a higher pain tolerance than men, you can now reply, “So, you’re just whiny?” Thanks, science for the divorce! (Jan. 23, 2012)

The Imagineers have done it again! Looks like the Epcot Ball was a bridge to an evil parallel universe. (Jan. 24, 2012)

Take it from Snee: Turning blankets into clothes isn’t exactly a new idea. Here’s the history behind the Snuggie: it goes all the way back to the Paleolithic and a caveperson‘s coin purse. (Jan. 25, 2012)

Pat Sajak admitted that he and Vanna were drunk in early episodes of Wheel of Fortune. That settles one bet; now let’s find out if Alex Trebek really fed his mustache orphans like I swore he did in the ’80s. (Jan. 26, 2012)

I just don’t trust Canadians, with their beady little eyes, yellow heads, hook-like hands, and holes in their feet for locking into place. And now they’re up there, watching us poop. (Jan. 27, 2012)