WASHINGTON – In case there was any doubt, The US House of Representatives and The US Senate serve themselves above all others. This week, owing to the fact that they all have to fly, Congress acted with a remarkable level of cohesion to correct the part of the sequestration that actually affected them. Even though there is a momentary delay due to a typographical error, they are still on track to produce a bill for The President to sign in only three working days. The bill will restore funding for Air-Traffic Controllers who have recently been furloughed to comply with the draconian spending cuts engineered by the Banana Republicans to punish Americans for whatever sin it is that we all committed. As the sequestration started, Banana Repulicans were crowing about how cutting government spending would cause no harm. To a Banana Republican, losing access to Head-Start, losing unemployment benefits, enduring cuts in Medicare, or eliminating Scientific Research are not harmful. This is because Banana Republicans do not represent any people who need Head-Start, they do not represent anybody who collects unemployment, they don not represent the elderly or anyone else entitled to Medicare, and they simply don’t acknowledge Science as a valuable intellectual endeavor. But somehow, miraculously, when they themselves are inconvenienced, they are able to pass a bill. It is as if their single-digit approval rating is not a mark of shame but rather, a badge of honor.

BOSTON – Strange how the major cable news outlets refer to their treatment of the tragedy here as the “Marathon Bombing Coverage” when really, it has become the “Bombing Coverage Marathon.” With approximately ten minutes of new news per day, and twenty-four hours of news coverage, we wind up with twenty-three hours and fifty minutes of “expert” opinon. While Faux News is constantly working to blame every single negative event on the color of Barack Obama’s skin, Chicken-Noodle News is not much better. Did the FBI drop the ball? Did the Russians provide enough conjecture? Is Chechnya really the name of some place? Will your pressure cooker suddenly commit an act of terror? If a judge who has never appeared on CSI comes to your hospital room, can you really get off on a technicality? Does hiding in a boat qualify you as an enemy combatant? Considering Lindsey Graham is such a douchebag (see previous story about supporting the right to murder six-year-olds efficiently), why does he still get so much air time? Does another ridiculous outburst by YAWN MCLAME really count as news?

This case will be prosecuted in United States Federal Court in accordance with The Constitution, and in due time, a verdict will be rendered. Sadly, until there is another tragedy to draw the breathless attention of the news media, that process will be scrutinized and interpreted to death. And whoever the victims of that next tragedy turn out to be, they had better brace for an overwhelming onslaught of “expertise.”

WASHINGTON – In a move designed to show just how completely disdainful of the American people politicians can be, Banana Republicans today filibustered a background-check bill. Yes, even in the midst of intense lobbying by victims of gun violence, and with ninety percent of Americans supporting the measure, Banana Republicans displayed a level of cowardice that is downright despicable. Their hatred of citizens who do not donate to their campaigns coupled with their undying love for the NRA allowed them to shamelessly stop the will of the people. This is never going to change. There is only one way to fix this. Vote these spineless douchebags out of office. It is time.

Currents

Some T. RUMP supporters may not be white supremacists, but ALL white supremacists are T. RUMP supporters!