911 thinks it’s a joke.

One of the most wonderful residents where I work has an ex-boyfriend who is nothing but bad news. He smokes crack, he’s violent, and he’s not allowed in the building anymore. He also has a restraining order against him that prevents him from coming within 500 yards of the resident or this building. Every so often he will show up and I need to call the police to take him away. Below is the story of one such incident.

me: Hello, 911? Yes, I am calling to report a person who is violating his restraining order…Yes the address is [censored] and I’m the guy at the front desk. The man I’m calling about is named August Evers…Yes, like the month…He’s about 5’4″, 120 pounds…?

resident: He doesn’t weigh that much.

me: OK, 110 pounds…What else? Uh…[to the resident] How would you describe the way he looks?

resident: He looks likes George Jefferson with a drug problem.

me: The resident describes him as looking like George Jefferson with a drug problem…Yes, I do agree with the resident…That is an accurate description…Why are you laughing?…No, I’m not playing games with you. The man is in his late 40’s, weighs 110 pounds and looks just like George Jefferson…Yes, I am aware that George Jefferson is a fictional character…OK, OK…[to another resident in the lobby] Who played George Jefferson?

resident 2: Sherman Hemsley!

me: Alright, he looks just like Sherman Hemsley…Will you stop laughing? We have a resident here with a restraining order against this guy!…Yes, the man in question is still outside…

August: [outside the building, screaming and banging on the metal gate] LET ME SEE MY WIFE!!!

me: …No, his name is NOT Sherman Hemsley. His name is AUGUST EVERS, and he LOOKS JUST LIKE Sherman Hemsley…Please tell me the police are on the way, this is serious…Will you stop laughing?…Alright, thank you. [to the resident] The police are on their way.

resident: Thank you.

When the police showed up a mere two minutes later, they found Mr. Evers still banging on the metal gate, trying to get in. They talked to him, talked to the resident and myself, and took him away. On their way out, one of the cops spoke into his radio: