Thursday, February 12, 2015

THE SAINT VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE short story by Andrew Lucas

It was Valentine's Day in a break room of an office. A group of men sat around the tables. They came out of the darkness. Like a flash of evil lightning. Flying around the room like demon bats from Hell. We were just a room full of single bachelors unaware of the sneak attack until it was too late. They shot their arrows into us with the pin point precision of a writer dotting his "i's." They struck our hearts one at a time until no one was left to shoot. No one was spared. They never missed their targets, even with their crazy dive-bombing flying acrobatics. They were humming around the ceiling like a swarm of bees and it rang in our ears as they took wildly erratic shots that somehow always found their targets. It was too easy for them as they shot between their legs, over their shoulders, behind their backs, over their heads, and two even did a no look arrow pass which ended up dead center in someone's heart. They would scream out, "BULLSEYE!" in their horrid tiny little voices, right after every shot. They were hard to see because of how fast and crazy their flying was but if I could describe these pint-sized spawn of Satan, I would say they were all little fat baby-like monsters with red glowing eyes and curly blond hair. They were smooth and pink all over with rosy red cheeks and had white feathered wings. They wore slings of arrows on their backs and carried their bows in one hand as the other chubby hand fed it with those deadly red missiles of doom. Sure they were cute but then they'd smile and show you their pointed teeth and they'd laugh an awful spine tingling chilling laugh that would make the hair stand up on the back of your neck. I have no idea how those single crotch leaves stayed in place and I didn't want to find out. The sound of swift flying arrows cutting the air coming before a sharp twang caused panic and great fear. We scrambled around the room looking for protection but no one was safe. The scared and confused men were bumping into each other and fighting for hiding places. Sometimes one of the mini-spears of death would wiz by your head and your first thought was, "Oh thank God, they missed me," but then we would realize the arrow was meant for somebody behind us because these naked suckers didn't miss...ever. We couldn't out run them either. Those of us that got down and hid under tables and desks were not forgotten, maybe it bought a few more seconds but in the end no one escaped. The Cupids would swoop down and pick up a table while two others would fly in and shoot the poor helpless victim. Sometimes they would just smash the table with their baby fists. In that brief fleeting second as if time stopped, through the shattered wood you'd see the child-like face of pure evil but then two arrows would sail into your eyes, for if you looked upon the devil babies, it would be the last thing you saw. You could try to bargain with them, you could plead for your pathetic life, you could beg for mercy, but resistance was futile, for they would not listen, they would not be persuaded. Petrified yells were quickly silenced by the sharp sting of our dart pierced hearts. A loving feeling of warmth and happiness engulfed your soul and filled it like a wine glass. It was the worst thing imaginable.

Soon the room was silent and the little terrors were done with their mission. Their objection was complete. A fluttering sound of beating wings and they were out the window without a trace. Now we all sit here on the floor in the aftermath. Completely, hopelessly in love.