Tuesday
So. My goal is to hit the gym vigorously at night while JB is
gone, to help pass the time. Not because I need it. After all,
my belly is mistaken for Janet Jackson's all the time. Heh. What
I should really do, according to this month's Cosmo, is 'banish
the winter blahs by eliminating carbs and alcohol altogether'.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Whew. Think I wet myself
a little there.

I did go for the low-cal
tuna fish thing yesterday. Then I remembered why it's really
annoying to do that.

As part of the New Regime,
I went to yoga class last night. I do this maybe once a month,
so I am not exactly Madonna or whatever. I have undue concern
about what I look like in some of the positions. I especially
hate it when someone walks behind me when the class is doing
Downward Facing Dog and I feel like a baboon in full estrus,
temptingly poking my butt up in the air. And the ones where you
have to balance on one foot - I'm always the dork wildly pinwheeling
their arms and weaving like a sorority girl at Mardis Gras.

Also, can I just say…sports
bras = evil. I've been on a quest to find the perfect sports
bra, one that nails my hooters firmly in place yet does not result
in Uniboob. They must be buried in a vault thousands of miles
below the earth's crust, along with jeans that actually fit.

:::

Got some digital
pix from JB. Here is Singapore:

And a Very Dire
Warning:

:::

I got a message on my machine
this AM from JB's brother Joe. He said, "Just wanted to
let you know there's a really good Martha Stewart Living on right
now. See ya." I think this is friggin hilarious. Joe is
an avid outdoorsman, hunter, gun enthusiast, and all around 100%
Guy. But for some reason, he loves him some Martha Stewart.

I think the Martha thing
stems from his neat-freakedness. Joe is 23 or something, he should
be living in his own filth like most guys - but everything in
his apartment is always pathologically spotless. Probably because
he's been working as a mortician for several years. I guess when
you spend your nights around a lot of dead bodies you probably
want your place to be germ-free.

We have a picture of Joe
waving at the camera, wearing scrubs. The caption says "I
put the FUN in FUNERAL." Then you notice…that's not
his hand.