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humor. run. jog. walk. wog

Love is ever-growing

I told Keith I wasn’t going to write about him in this series. I explained that I wrote about him often through all of this. He said he agreed with me and wasn’t sitting over here going ‘why hasn’t she written about me’ I knew that is how he felt. I wasn’t going to write about him. Then Sunday happened..

On Sunday I was taking it easy. Still recovering from my cold. Not in any hurry to be active or productive. I had a board meeting I had to attend that afternoon and a few things I wanted to cross off my goal list. That was it. Outside of the cold nothing out of the ordinary in my life.

I watched a movie on Netfilx, Nancy Drew. I made coffee. He got up I made us breakfast. The coffee was good. The movie was fun. I didn’t burn breakfast. It was a very normal routine day. I keep repeating this so you understand that the next part just can’t be explained.

I got up to shower so I would be cleaned up of the meeting. I get out of the shower and then it happens. I start crying. I can’t stop crying. I go to Keith and tell him the best way that I can why I am crying.

When I was drying off in the bathroom I looked at my hair. My short, super curly, fifty shades of gray hair. I lost it. The hair is killing me. I can’t do it anymore. I look in the mirror and I see the gray and it is an instant reminder that I am broken. Forever broken. So many people love the gray. Have told me over and over again to not dye it because it is such a pretty color. That I can pull it off. That it doesn’t make me look old. I don’t see any of that, I see broken. I see abnormal. I see evidence of a fight that aged me.

Keith listened. He didn’t interrupt me. He started to tear up with me. He didn’t want me to cry. He says “Renee I love you let’s go to the store and get you some hair dye now” “whatever I need to do to help you so you feel better about yourself”

He drove me to a beauty supply shop. He watched me cry again talking to the sales girl. He helped me pick out a color. When I asked if he would help me do the back of my head he hesitantly agreed to it. (my friend ended up helping me instead, he gave a sigh of relief)

The moment we did that I felt empowered. Like I was taking something in my life back in control. I became productive and did dishes, laundry and cleaned the bathroom. In all honestly I felt empowered and encouraged because of Keith. He has done so much for me over this year. I never knew he loved me this much. I never knew I needed him this much.

Often now I find I do not want to do anything without him. I think this is what love is. When you realize what love is.

We are celebrating this month. Our anniversary is the 16th. We will be married for 29 years. I feel like this past year has been our strongest and best year yet.

I avoid looking at myself most of the time and I’m still pretty bald. It is a constant reminder that’s hard to escape. Even with the wig, I only see what’s different. I feel your pain! Stay as strong as you can!