AuthorTopic: Star Trek: The Last Guardian (Read 4792 times)

Lt. Slarr's voice cut through the tension like a phaser bolt. "Ssssir! I am now reading an escape pod being ejected from the far side of the transport!" Khyron's eyes narrowed. "Just one? Quick, are there any more lifesigns aboard the V'Loth?" The Gorn's eyed darted back and forth across his station's displays, modified into an infra-red spectrum view that gave his features an even more demonic aspect. After a moment, he replied. "Radiation from the damaged warp core is affecting my sssensorss. I cannot verify, but I read only one lifesign in the pod." Chev piped up from Ops. "Sir, I'm getting a signal being routed through our power grid. Code reads as Captain Tavek, sir." Khyron grinned inwardly. Cute trick. I wonder how he learned that one... "On speakers." An activation tone sounded, followed by a static laden message. "This is Captain Tavek to the Valkyrie. There is no one else alive aboard the V'Loth. I am the only survivor." "Get me Kel. Now." Chev gulped. "Channel open." "Kel, it's Khyron. You hear that?""I sure did. You thinking what I'm thinking?" "Statue of Liberty play. We'll run blocker, just make it fast.""On it. Victory out." "Helm, keep us between Klag and the pod." Outside, the Victory took a vicious blast square on it's belly from the Ya'Vang's dorsal disruptor cannon. The tiny vessel shook. Growling, Slarr said "Moderate damage to the Victory! Their ventral shields are at 35%!" Khyron grit his teeth. He saw that one coming. Dammit, I sometimes forget we play stratagema. He knows me too well. "Damage?" "Their port impulse manifold is gone, starboard is damaged. I estimate their maximum impulse speed at 20%." Jatal raised his eyebrow at that. Shaking it off, he stood back up and approached the helm. "On my order, increase our axial tilt to 20 degrees, reverse impulse engines, drop shields, and beam Captain Tavek aboard. He wants to play hardball, we'll let him. Chev, get Kel back please." "Another sports metaphor? Well, in a galaxy that has a Trill refer to a Human game while trying to save a Romulan from the Klingons, I suppose I can forgive it..." The mood brightened on the bridge, some looking to Khyron to see his reaction. Allowing a small grin, he quickly brought everyone back to the moment. "Stay frosty, people." Kel's voice blared over the speakers. "So did we get them to believe it, or what?" "Are you guys alright?""Afraid not. Carter's console exploded in his face. He needs to get to main sickbay, ASAP!" Jatal stifled the curse that was threatening to rise. Lt. Carter was well loved throughout the ship. His death would be doubly tragic, for it would damage morale on the ship gravely. Khyron also had to confess an almost paternal attachment to the young man. Well then, you better make sure this works, don't you? "All stations report ready, sir.", Chev reported. "Execute maneuver." The forward saucer of the Valkyrie tilted upwards, then abruptly the venerable warship slammed into reverse. Inside the crew lurched forward slightly, the structural integrity field straining to keep up with the harsh demands asked of it. Hunching over his console, Slarr's voice raised an octave. "Sir, enemy vessel is firing!" Chev cut in, "Transporter Room reports we have Captain Tavek!" Khyron leaned forward. "Re-raise shields, hurry!" Slarr's large claws danced lightly across his board. "Too late! Brace for impact!" The Ya'Vang's forward cannons splashed vicious red disruptor energy across the forward edge of the saucer section, knocking everyone around. An overhead conduit in the bridge ceiling ruptured, spraying hot shards of white-hot metal over the sprawled officers. The only one able to maintain his position was Slarr, whose tail made him tough to dislodge. Khyron jumped to his feet. "Report!" Climbing back into his seat, Chev tapped a few keys. "Forward shields down to 62%! Heavy damage to sections 22 to 28, decks 9 to 11!" "We got what we came for! Kel, can you make warp?""Yes. We lost a few factors according to Angel, but we're still mobile." "Then let's rendevous in the Korvat system. It's not too far from here. Is Carter stable?""For the moment, sir. But I can't guarantee that won't change." "No promises. Get moving.""See you there. Victory out." Khyron rooted himself to the deck behind the forward console. "Helm, reverse orientation 180 degrees. Take us to maximum warp as soon as we're clear. Slarr, when we do, fire a torpedo at the transport! The explosion should help cover our escape." A chorus of "Aye, sirs" rang throughout the bridge. "Execute." The Valkyrie spun in place. The Klingon ship lumbered forward, it's weapon ports heating up for another salvo. With a lurch, the Valkyrie shifted into warp. Slarr said quietly, "Firing torpedo" The aft port spat forth the crackling quantum energy. When it touched the dying transport, the resulting explosion caused the screen to glow white. When his eyes re-focused, Khyron said "Report." Chev blinked a few more times. "The Klingon ship is disabled, sir."Sorry, Klag. But it's not like you gave me much choice. I'll buy you a barrel of bloodwine to make it up to you. He amended that thought. If things don't get even worse....Post Merge: 08 August 2009 03:54 AM Captain's LogStardate 57927.3Near the Korvat System

With a kaleidoscopic swirl of color, the Starship Valkyrie re-entered normal space, a gaping hole in her forward saucer edge. Damage control forcefields were active, but her wound was evident for anyone to see. It's very existence was like a hole in Jatal's heart. This being the 2nd of the ships of this name to be under his command, Khyron knew what it was like to lose a command. As he looked out his ready room window, he contemplated the rising tide of hostility between the powers of the Alpha Quadrant. After seemingly putting aside their differences during the Dominion War and the Praxis Incident, he lamented the loss of peace that was Starfleet's charge.Something about this doesn't feel right., Khyron mused. Can't quite put my finger on it yet... His reverie was interrupted by the chime of his desktop comm. Turning around and tapping the control, he responded. "Yes?""Ssssir, we have arrived at Korvat. The Victory awaits us nearby. Alssso, Captain Tavek wissshesss to ssspeak to you." "Understood. Get Carter to sickbay and alert Dr. Bashir. Also, I want you to supervise the Victory's re-integration. Send Tavek in.""Me, sssir?" "Yes, you. What's the problem? You are certified, aren't you?""Yessss, but I have never sssupervissed the actual procedure before, sssir." "First time for everything, Lieutenant. Get it done.""Aye, sssir." Going over to his replicator, he requested a Vulcan spiced tea and a raktajino. The hot beverages appeared just as the ready room doors parted. Captain Tavek, his uniform looking slightly disheveled and blackened, appeared. Being half-Vulcan and half Romulan, his complexion was a very pale green, his hair cut in the traditional Vulcan style. There was a slight crease to his brow, the influence of his Romulan heritage. "Permission to enter, sir?" "Of course, have a seat." As his old Tactical and later Ops officer, Tavek was a trusted friend. As they both took a seat, Khyron pushed the steaming teacup towards Tavek. Trying his best to keep the condesending tone from his voice, Khyron said "Tavek, I'm...sorry about Romulus. It's hard to imagine. There really aren't any words enough to convey..." Tavek held his hand palm up to signal a halt. "Commodore, I appreciate what you say. And you are right. Words fail a tragedy of this magnitude. As a child of two worlds, to see one destroyed is....difficult." Khyron knew that Tavek followed the Vulcan way, but sometimes that Romulan side would peek out, usually during battle. "Was there any family in the system when....it....happened?" "As you know, my father was attempting to negotiate with Praetor Tal'Aura about the trade agreement between our colony and the Empire in Ki Baratan. I had thought the talks were complete, but I just received words yesterday that the talks were....slowed. He did not escape." Jatal closed his eyes, silently praying for his friend. He himself lost his parents, but at a much younger age. For Tavek, who knew his father a century.... "I'm so sorry, old friend. If there is anything I can do...." Tavek shook his head. "I thank you, sir. If I do, then I shall. If I may, I heard that Lt. Carter was injured during my rescue. Is he alright?" "Well, Kel says that he was stable when we left, but now it's up to the doctor. He suffered a nasty burn. But right now I want to stay out of the way and let Sickbay work. Now I must change the subject. Captain, what were you doing out in Klingon space with a Romulan transport? Alone?" "I was investigating a report that my father was still alive, that his transport was captured by the Klingons when the first vessels fled the Romulan system." Khyron was taken aback. "We've heard nothing of this. And that still doesn't explain why you were here alone? Why didn't you report this?" "My contact on Q'on'os was adamant that Starfleet not get involved. I was on my way to meet him there when Klag attacked. It is my belief that he was compromised somehow." Khyron took a sip of his raktajino, then stood up. "You realize what situation this puts us in, don't you?" Tavek nodded. "What were you thinking? You KNOW the current conditions. You knew what would happen if the Klingons caught you!" "That is why I went alone. No one else would be held liable if I failed." Jatal ran a hand through his hair with an exasperated sigh. "I can appreciate what you were trying to do. But now, both the Big V and the Little V are badly damaged, 3 crewmen are dead, 3 times as many injured, including a friend, and now tensions between the Federation and the Klingon Empire just got that much worse, all because of a report!" He started pacing, trying to keep a lid on his temper. He just lost his father and a world, give him a break. You probably would have done the same thing. "Look, we can follow up on this report after we take care of our current problem. For now, we can use your help, OK? We can deal with the fallout later." Tavek stood up, looking contrite. "I thank you again, sir. I shall seek out Captain Kel and get to work." "Dismissed." After his old friend left, Khyron touched his combadge. "Khyron to Sickbay.""Bashir here. I know what you will ask, sir. And he will live, but Noah suffered bad plasma burns over 40% of his body, including his face, chest, and arms. No other fatalities, thank God, but his recovery will take time. I think he'll be alright." Releasing the breath he didn't realize he was holding, Jatal allowed himself a smile. "Good to hear, Julian. Keep me updated." Straightening his uniform, Commodore Khyron stepped out towards the bridge.By the Crystal Pools of Mak'Ala, I could use a drink...

Well, I’m not very good at constructive criticism, but I know how useful it is to a author, so I’ll take a whack at it.

1.You might want to type out numbers “three” instead of “3”. When you just put a “3”, it makes you look kind of lazy, and it tends to break your immersion in the story. 2. You might want to think about the casualty report. If the ship just got a hole punched through the saucer, with heavy damage to four sections of three decks, there would probably be more than three dead and nine injured. If I remember rightly, in TNG, the enterprise lost fifteen people when a single section depressurized. Of course, emergency forcefields will provide a lot of help, but still… 3. You might want to be careful with names. As a general rule of thumb, I never have any two characters (or ships) in the same story starting with the same letter of the alphabet. It’s much easier to get them confused if they start with the same letter. (I once had some people thinking that I blew up the hero ship of a story simply because I blew up another ship who’s name started with an ‘M’.)4. When in the middle of a battle, people tend to yell orders and not explain themselves unless they’re forced to.

5. You might also want to consider that some of the people reading this may not know that much about Star Trek. Some pieces might need a bit more explaining, just to get the not-so-knowledgeable up to speed on things that will become important later on in the story.

I hope this helps somewhat. The story is proving to be quite interesting! Keep going!