I hate to say it but I think I have a bad habit of often focusing on the negative.

I’m lonely.

I don’t know where to find a job.

I don’t know where I want to live.

I’m in so much debt.

So really it should come as no surprise to me that I feel so unmotivated and uninspired. I mean how can one feel inspired when such negativity is constantly on the mind?

Now, I don’t completely beat myself up about thinking about these kinds of things. They are pretty big life decisions. But at the same time they really can’t be the focus of my life…

Sitting here and saying I’m going to do this, this and this to be happier would be silly (how many times have I said I’m going to make all these big changes and nothing happens? I’ll answer that. Way too many times).

I’ve realized, though, that often these times where I’m able to come out of my closet of negativity happens when I have a break from school. If you know me well then you know about my feelings and disappointment towards my schooling. I think when I’m away from this disappointment I immediately feel a sense of relief, where I can let in some positivity (even if it’s just a little). Even just sitting here and being able to write something for my blog is something that I find very difficult to do when I’m in school. It’s unfortunate that I allow school to have that much power over my happiness, but I do.

The good news? I’ll be done school in about a month, with only 12 days of classes left. Mind you that means there will be even more pressure to figure out my life, but at least I’ll know I’ll be done with that chapter of my life. I won’t have to wake up to something that I feel such negativity towards. And maybe, just maybe, once I can escape that then I’ll be able to let a little more positivity into my life.

Does that mean for the next month I want to be an awful negative person? No thanks.

So until then changes still must happen. But this time, for once, I’m not going to make big, sweeping declarations that I’m going to completely change myself in a month. No declarations that I’m going to write a novel, or that my blog will be the next biggest thing, or even that I’ll get my pizza addiction completely under control. Because if I’m being honest with myself, I know I won’t accomplish these things in one month. But wouldn’t it be nice to make a list of little things that I feel like I can actually accomplish? (what a crazy idea to make goals that I feel like I’m truly capable of. Such a foreign concept to me).

Eleven simple ways I’m going to bring positivity into my life:
♥ Read more; watch Netflix less
♥ Drink tea more; drink coffee less
♥ Wash dishes every night before bed
♥ Spend less time in bed (don’t eat in bed, don’t do homework in bed, don’t watch TV in bed)
♥ Floss!
♥ Moisturize!
♥ Open my curtains more; let the sunlight in
♥ Light more candles
♥ Read the news (even though the news isn’t necessarily always positive, I often find people referencing things that I have no clue about. Feeling like a relatively informed human being might be nice)
♥ Create more; think less (write more, take more pictures, blog more, make more homemade food…anything!)
♥ Do more yoga (not necessarily for physical health, but more for mental health)

And because I’m a visual person this post wouldn’t be complete without a visual representation of the positivity I want to let in. (I’m embarrassed by how much thought I put into this)

So in honour of fashion week (aka fashion month), I thought I’d put together some of my favourite looks that were shown at Fashion Week in New York (yes, I know I’m totally in the wrong continent right now, but just roll with it).

My own personal style choices definitely came out in my favs, in case it’s not obvious.

And I didn’t put every single fav in here, because then this post would be 10 pages long and nobody has time for that. I just decided to put together some looks from some of the shows I enjoyed. There were so many to pick from!

Enjoy!

Can you tell I really like big fancy gowns? I’m so predictable.

What were some of your favs? Or maybe some of your favs being shown in Paris now?

Oh p.s. can we all just talk about how strange it to keep coming across Kendall Jenner walking for all these huge shows? Craziness.

I’ve alluded to this on the blog before, but for those who don’t know, I have a strong preference for colours in my everyday life. I like pairing expected colour combinations, or just having some colour in all my outfits. It’s just how I feel most comfortable (though I can totally appreciate other styles that aren’t necessarily as colourful).

Having said that, I thought I would incorporate my love for colour into a little blog instalment that will highlight different “colour crushes” I dream up and fun products you can get in that colour.

A couple weekends ago I went shopping, and it took about 2 stores before I realized I was gravitating to the same colour. I would look down at all the things on my arm and I just kept picking everything that was this beautiful dusty rose colour, and so it only seems appropriate that I start my colour crush off with dusty rose.

Gorgeous, right? It’s not a colour I would automatically associate with Fall, but because of the dustiness it has an almost vintage feel to it. Very romantic, and paired with the right colours it can be perfect for Fall!

What are your favourites? I think that door is just too awesome. I mean if I ever hope of being married, probably not going to happen, but a girl can dream, right?

I think I kind of tended to pick ones that expressed words for things I’m currently feeling, but hopefully such pretty words can make you feel good too.

Oh, and I totally didn’t realize this, but there are a lot of beautiful wallpapers out there. For the longest time I’ve just had a really boring floral background, and I love florals but it was getting kind of old. Instead of just using a google image search (that was always my go-to), try searching Pinterest. You should get a ton of really amazing results that way to really dress up your workspace.

This comment came while I was at work, and my work requires me to wear black pants and a black or white top, so I knew the comment was the result of my makeup, hair, and accessories. Sadly the work outfit never changes (drives me crazy).

Now, if you know me then you know my “style” is set. I’m very much the girly girl. Flowers, lace, bright colours, cute dresses, sparkle! I love all that, and you’re probably never going to see me wearing combat boots. Actually, for simplicity sake, let’s just say me and combat boots are a big no.

But my “look” is something I do try changing. When I look the same everyday I get bored with myself. I feel compelled to try changing it up. I’ll do my hair a new way. I’ll curl it, I’ll leave it straight, add a fun headband, or I’ll just put it up. Maybe I’ll add lipstick or wear an eyeshadow that I normally don’t wear. Even my jewelry should be different. Why would you want to make the same statement day after day? Your outfit should say something, and everyday I think it should say something different.

I find hair, makeup and accessories to be so important to an outfit. Maybe not everyone has to be so obnoxious as me as to think their work outfit needs these extra elements, but in everyday life, I think those extra little touches really make all the difference. In fact, I think they make it! In my opinion, having actual style is about being able to pull a whole look together. Your look is part of your style, and keeping that look fresh and interesting only adds to your style. And just based on that comment I received, people notice!

In light of all this, I put together some fun links you should check out if you’re looking for new ways to do your hair! I’m going to try some out, and I’ll be sure to let you all know my thoughts. I tried to pick tutorials that I felt wouldn’t be too difficult.

(note: I did not come up with these ideas; links are provided to direct you to the original creator of the content)

I found when I had short hair, the easiest way to do my hair was to simply add a headband or clip of some sort just to make it interesting. You don’t have to go full on Blair Waldorf, but like I’ve said, I think a little something goes a long way.

Ah I’m so inspired to sit in front of my mirror to try and master some of these. I’m really partial to anything with a braid just because I think it’s such a romantic and laid-back look, so I’ll definitely be tackling the braided looks!

Anyone who knows me well knows that I’ve always struggled to find that one thing that I’m really good at.

There were guitar lessons, singing lessons, horseback riding, sports of all kinds (that was a big fail), and dance classes (again, early on it was pretty clear that I’m insanely uncoordinated). I think I even considered karate at one point (this is actually laughable). I know being really good at something takes practice, time and dedication. You have to really want to be the best, to put that effort in. And maybe as a child I just didn’t have that.

Patience has never been a trait I would associate with myself. And more than that, I think part of my inability to stick with something was because I didn’t like not being the best at something. I’m easily embarrassed and I don’t like the spotlight on me, especially when I’m not confident. And as a result, I became a professional reader…

Yup, whenever I tried to think of something I was good at I would tell myself, “well I’m a good reader…” Reading didn’t require me to perform in front of people. In fact, it didn’t require me to do anything in front of anyone. It was a totally solitary act that was just for me. And yes, calling reading a talent sounds really silly, but I think growing up with my nose in a book heavily influenced me.

I think reading made me see the world a little brighter, and be a little more appreciative of all things colourful and vibrant. I obviously don’t know anything about the inner-workings of other people’s minds, but I often wonder whether being a reader changed the way I hear myself in my head. Sometimes I find myself creating dialogues between random people, or I start just spontaneously writing things, but all in my head. I watch people and try to figure them out, but I prefer to not actually know their story. I’d rather just create it.

All this often makes me wonder if I missed out on not pursuing creative writing. Again, I was intimidated and feared not being the best at something. Going into creative writing was going to force me to share, and that scared the hell out of me. It’s not an excuse. Going outside my comfort zone shouldn’t be such a struggle, but for me, it always has been. I don’t regret my English degree, but I can’t help but question if I would have enjoyed that added creative element.

My point with all this? Sometimes our talents aren’t so obvious and sometimes our fears get in the way for a reason. We’re not all going to be musical geniuses or have the coordination of a professional athlete. And some of us are just a little too introverted to ever want that kind of talent.

For me, having a blog has allowed me to combine things that I’m passionate about: writing, pretty visuals, and fashion. Am I the best at any of these things? Probably not. But a blog gives me a certain anonymous aspect that makes me comfortable. Clearly this is not an anonymous blog, but with a blog I can edit, I can think before I act, and I don’t have to speak or perform in front of anyone. I can be creative and create, but still be comfortable.

And while finding my place in the fashion industry has been a real struggle and sore spot in my life, it’s really opened up to the idea that I need to start trying to carve out that niche that works for me. Because really, I’ve never been that girl who had an obvious talent. I’ve been the girl with a book in her hand who just kept continuously searching.

I think everyone, including myself, needs to stop searching so hard and trying to define a “talent,” but instead just accept who you are and find what works for you. Make life work for you and stop working so hard for life.

WearItBetter definitely hasn’t had any outfits posts as of late, but I know I always love going to fashion blogs to check out the outfits that others put together. Inspiration at its finest! So I figure it doesn’t make sense to have my own fashion blog and then not include one of my favourite aspects of blogs.

So here we go, some of my Fall outfits. I’m kind of a guilty mirror shot person. I honestly just like having pictures of my outfits. Not because I think they’re amazing or anything (I’m mostly wearing H&M and Old Navy here, so I’m aware there’s nothing super special going on), but as somebody who is very visual and has a big love for fashion and style, seeing all my outfits in one place really helps me define my style. And not going to lie, it’s always nice when others see your outfits and give you a compliment!

(excuse my unmade bed in some photos!)

Fall is probably my favourite season to dress for. I love being able to wear a dress without tights in the summer, but I also just love layering. I think it gives you so many more opportunities to make your outfit special. Cute cardigans, scarves, hats, jackets, blazers, boots in all different styles, leg warmers…I love them all. I consider Fall the season of coziness, and I’m the biggest supporter of all things cozy. Tea, fires, candles, blankets, and just plain comfiness make me oh so happy.

But hey just because Summer is done, doesn’t mean I can’t share my Summer outfits as well.

Can you tell that my black maxi skirt really got some use this summer? It’s honestly my favourite thing to just throw on. I don’t have to worry about those awful gusts of wind that make wearing a short dress not an ideal situation. Plus it’s just super comfy. Definitely something that I think everyone should have in their wardrobe. Also matches with pretty much everything!

I think I’m going to try sharing my outfits more often. Maybe even step away from the mirror and start taking pictures with my nice camera. The mirror doesn’t really allow me to show any little details in the outfits, and it’s mostly the little things that I find make an outfit complete.

So since I’m just a tad bit obsessive about skincare, I thought I’d do an update on what I’m using currently and what has proven not to work for me.

A couple months ago I wrote a post on my use of a product called the Clarisonic.

Worst mistake of my life!

I’m not going to say it doesn’t work for some people. I’m sure it does. But for me and my skin, it pretty much ruined my face and brought it back to how it was when I was a teenager (so aka, not good). I think my crazy breakouts from the Clarisonic might have been part of this purging phase people talk about, where all the dirt and oil trapped underneath your skin gets brought to the surface. Whatever it was, I couldn’t deal with the breakouts and anxiety it was causing me without being more sure that it was actually going to work, especially for how much money I was spending on the product.

It took a lot of convincing on my part, but I decided to share pictures of what the Clarisonic did to my skin. I’m slightly embarrassed by these pictures, but I know that realistically the state of my skin doesn’t reflect who I am as a person, and if the pictures help to share my skincare story then I figure I should be brave enough to share.

After that I was getting pretty desperate. Prior to the Clarisonic my skin really wasn’t THAT bad. I hadn’t had perfect skin since I was very young, but it was manageable and nothing a little makeup magic couldn’t fix, but after all my Clarisonic breakouts, I was honestly getting depressed over how gross I was feeling. I was 23 and felt like I had the skin of a 16 year old. I felt embarrassed and just plain awful about myself. It’s pretty much all I could think about. Even when I was talking to people I could barely look them in the eye, because I always thought they were probably just staring at my awful face. It was bad and my self esteem had reached an all time low. And along with all the other things that were going on in my life, it just was not a good situation to feel that awful about myself. I regretted using the Clarisonic so much.

To combat this, I started using Acne. org products again. I wrote a post on these products here. This had worked for me a year or so back, and I was sure it was going to work for me again. And it did. To an extent. The acne.org products got rid of all my big, gross pimples caused by the Clarisonic. My skin was smooth again and a lot less red and irritated, but I just couldn’t seem to get rid of those nasty little red dots that covered my face. The acne that seemed to be trapped beneath the surface of my skin. These are the ones that still seem like they’re just a part of my face and they’re not going to go anywhere despite what I do. And I knew that even if I did manage to get rid of these annoying dots, they would all come back if I stopped using benzoyl peroxide. I became very aware of the fact that if I didn’t keep treating my skin with all these chemicals, I was probably going to have acne for the rest of my life…

So that’s when I really started considering accutane. Most people have heard of accutane and most people probably associate it with a lot of negative and dangerous side affects. And it’s true, it is a very intense drug, but I had tried everything else (antibiotics, Proactiv, organic porducts, drugstore products, topical creams from a dermatologist, birth control, EVERYTHING). And for those who think that acne is simply the result of a poor diet, I know people who eat extremely healthy and still had skin issues. With accutane, you’re monitored the whole time you’re on it! I’m having blood work done every month and seeing my doctor every month as well. And really, if you’re suffering with your self esteem and are feeling as sad and as upset as I was, it might be time to consider something that’s a little stronger and is going to really change your skin.

It took a while to get in to see the dermatologist, but after I told her all the products I had used and my age, she immediately recommended that I start using accutane. She told me at my age, the acne wasn’t just going to go away unless I permanently changed my skin. And that’s what accutane does! Plus she told me I was starting to develop some scarring, which completely freaked me out. I was reassured once she told me the accutane should take care of it. Phew!

This is what my skin looks like currently.

Looking at these pictures it might not seem like my skin is THAT bad, but this is the result of lathering benzoyl peroxide on my face daily. Doing that for the rest of my life is really not what I want. Not to mention the lighting in my apartment is pretty soft. Being under fluorescents or direct sunlight is like torture for me. Plus, scarring? No thanks. I need something that is going to give me real relief. For me, accutane is the best option for that happening.

I started the accutane pills on Thursday last week and I’m very anxious to see how my body reacts. I’m just waiting for the dry skin and dry lips (right now I’m actually more oily than normal). It seems like those side effects are pretty much inevitable. But waiting to see how long it’s going to take for my skin to clear up is going to take some serious patience on my part. I’m on the drug for 8 months so I’ve got some time. Patience is a virtue, that’s for sure.

I’ll make sure to keep my little accutane journey updated. It seems everyone reacts to the drug differently, and that some people experience more side effects than others, but it’s still always nice to hear from others, especially if you’re considering accutane yourself. I also might do a youtube video of some sort after I’ve used accutane for a little longer, for those who would like to see the results.

Obviously the use of accutane requires some serious thought. Not to mention a consultation with your doctor and dermatologist. I’ve only been on it for less than a week so obviously I can’t attest to seeing results yet, but I can tell you that as somebody who has experienced some pretty upsetting thoughts because of my skin issues, it feels pretty damn good to know that accutane has such a strong chance of working. If you feel like that too, I would highly recommend at least considering the use of accutane. I’ve seen first hand that it can work, and I hope that soon I’ll be able to be proof of the results as well! Here’s hoping.

I have a bit of an obsession with Kate Spade. I don’t own a single Kate Spade product, but boy do I admire it all. I think it’s the colour that really catches my eye. If you know me then you know I’m an admirer of all things colourful. I can’t imagine myself wearing an all black outfit. It’s the colour in an outfit that really makes it for me. Even a pop of a bright lipstick will do.

As I was going through images from Fashion Week, I happen to come across the Kate Spade collection. Oddly enough, I can’t say when I saw the collection that I was necessarily mind blown. I have a little folder on my computer where I’ve been saving pictures of all my Fashion Week favs, and Kate Spade never made it into the mix (I was quite surprised).

I think there’s a difference between dressing in head-to-toe Kate Spade and then having your favourite Kate Spade pieces. When I look at the collection as one it’s almost too quirky and too “out there” for my taste. I realize that what I like most about Kate Spade is that you can add fun elements to an otherwise boring outfit. You can take that crazy, bold print and pair it with a simple pair of jeans or your favourite navy skirt to create the perfect, balanced outfit. It’s the pairing of classics with the boldness that is the appeal for me. When I see head-to-toe boldness my mind just rejects it.

How about you?

I put together some of the looks that Kate Spade showed at Fashion Week, and then some looks that have a mix of Kate Spade with more subdued pieces.

I realized after I put together the first look that it was very Spring (that’s what happens when you spend time looking at Spring for 2015), so for the next look I tried to be more Fall appropriate. I’m a strong believer that just because the temperatures get colder doesn’t mean your wardrobe has to get darker too. I still go for those lovely brights in the Fall. Pretty sure that Kate Spade bag should be worn year round!

So, it’s been over two months since I last made a post, which clearly says something about my lack of motivation. I wish it said more about me being super busy, but to be honest, it’s the result of feelings of discouragement and just being pretty down and off for a while now. Theese feelings stem from a lot of different areas of my life, but mostly have to do with my anxiety over my future career and what I want from my life. Big questions, I know.

It’s quite a challenge to get myself to feel inspired and motivated to do things when most of the time my discouragement makes me want to nap and watch mindless television. But really, how can I let myself do this? After all I’ve been through to be here in Toronto, I can’t just throw it all away now. Not after all the craziness, tears and loneliness.

I’ve realized that spending hours on homework assignments is really not the way for me to ever get where I want to go. And feeling bad about that is a plain waste of my time. Instead, I have plans to work harder on the things that truly excite me (even if that means studying less for things that I have no interest in). This means writing and reading more, watching less Netflixs, and trying to seize more opportunities. I can’t lie and say that I’m feeling completely ready to take on the world, but after reading The War of Art, I’ve definitely been given a new perspective on why I’ve been unable to tap into the creative energy that I know I have. To put it simply, sometimes it’s just easier to take the shortest path. When I’m tired, it’s easier to just watch a show. When I get home from work, it’s easier to just go to bed. When my alarm goes off in the morning, it’s easier to press snooze rather than go to the gym. I hate that about myself, and I hate admitting it even more.

But this past week, on those days where I just want to take a nap, I’ve forced myself to glue my fingers to the keyboard and just write. And really, it truthfully is good for the soul. I feel like even the simplest tasks don’t seem so challenging when you’re actually doing the things that make you happy. Dishes don’t pile up, going to work doesn’t seem like such a chore, and sometimes even school doesn’t seem so draining (I’m still working on that one). Have I had moments of resistance this week? Definitely. Am I going to have more in the future? Most likely. But I have to try and get myself out of this weird little phase I’ve been in! I’m tired of it. I have to really try and change my circumstances so that I’m happier and get all the things I want out of life. Because really, if I don’t do it, nobody else is going to do it for me.

All that being said, I set myself up in Starbucks today and worked tirelessly on my blog layout (I hope you like it!). It’s not perfect, but I’m pleased, mostly because I know I put the time and effort into something that makes me proud and happy.

So here’s to more days like today, where productivity and creativity fuse into something that makes me smile.