BREAKING: Cain To Consult Romney On Proper Flip-Flopping Techniques

REUTERS — After issuing numerous inconsistent statements over allegations that he sexually harassed two women in the nineteen-nineties, Republican presidential front-runner Herman Cain has announced plans to meet with his chief rival Mitt Romney to get advice on flip-flopping.

“I admit I don’t have all the answers, even when it comes to things I may or may not have done in my personal life,” said Cain in an interview with Greta Van Susteren of Fox News. “As a politician, I’m something of a work in progress. Heck, I’ve been a can-do businessman for the last twenty years. I haven’t had time to develop any poll-tested positions on my behavior, so I’ll naturally be doing a lot of flip-flopping and backpedaling until I get my stories straight. That’s why I’m seeking the advice of an expert, just as I will when I have to say something intelligent about Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.

“In the spirit of friendly competition, Governor Romney has graciously offered to tutor me in the finer points of twisting myself into a pretzel in order to get out of a jam caused by the lies and distortions of the liberal media,” said Cain. “I am very grateful for his assistance, and I have in turn pledged to supply his campaign staff with free pizza when I select him as my running mate.”

Cain added that he will be making no further comments on the sexual harassment allegations until after his meeting with Romney.