"Following Rafa Benítez's back-to-back 0-0s in his first two games in charge of Chelsea, a thought came to me," began Henry Rudd-Clarke, before Chelsea scored 10 in three matches and saved Benítez from this particular ignominy: "Has a manager ever been fired without his team scoring a goal?"

Bob Beamer quickly got in touch to point out that Michael Skibbe was sacked as head coach of Hertha Berlin in February of this year after five matches, all defeats. Hertha shipped 12 goals in that time but did score one, however; Pierre-Michel Lasogga's late consolation against Hamburg. "Skibbe's sacking did not save Hertha from relegation from the Bundesliga," Bob says. Under his replacement, Otto Rehhagel, Hertha posted a few wins but failed to improve their position, and lost a feisty relegation playoff with Fortuna Dusseldorf 4-3. (Hertha Berlin appealed the result, saying that a 20-minute delay before the final 90 seconds of the match could be played following a pitch invasion rendered the competition unfair, but were unsuccessful. Levan Kobiashvili is just coming to the end of a seven-and-a-half-month ban for punching the referee, Wolfgang Stark, in the back of the head afterwards.)

Anyway, we digress. We're not sure precisely when Tony Langkilde took charge of American Somoa, and when precisely he was relieved of his duties (our email to the Football Federation American Samoa went unanswered), but we know it was in 2001, and according to Fifa's records the team made four competitive – ahem – appearances that year, trying to qualify for the 2002 World Cup. American Samoa failed to score a single goal in the fixtures, but conceded 57, with a 31-0 whipping by Australia the standout result. "The crazy thing is our goalkeeper had kept the score down with a magnificent display," said Langkilde, who wouldn't hear any talk of his side, which went 16-0 down in the first half, being the worst in the world. "My plan for the next four years is to groom a team capable of qualifying for the World Cup in 2006." Needless to say, that did not happen, though under the former Norwich City midfielder Ian Crook, American Samoa did score a goal in the failed qualification campaign for 2006: Natia Natia pegged Vanuatu back to 3-1 shortly before half time in Apia in May 2004, but Vanuatu scored another six after the break.

Luigi Del Neri is currently enjoying a vote of confidence from his bosses at Genoa, but twice in the past he has been sacked before his team has even played a competitive match, let alone scored a goal. His timing is dreadful: pitching up at Empoli after Luciano Spalletti had seen the club up from Serie C1 to Serie A in three years, then taking the Porto job after José Mourinho's departure. The Empoli president Fabrizio Corsi reportedly ousted him before the start of the 1998-99 season for sticking to his favoured 4-4-2 rather than Spalletti's favoured 3-4-3. "They wanted a clone of Spalletti," Del Neri said. Porto wanted someone who turned up to training, or at least that was the story, though Del Neri insisted he was perfectly punctual. "I've tried to come up with a theory, a valid reason for my dismissal," he said, "but I still can't find one."

At least he got his tracksuit dirty, unlike poor Leroy Rosenior. His first spell at Torquay United lasted four years, but when he returned in 2007 to try and recover their place in the Football League, he had been in charge for all of 10 minutes before getting the boot. The announcement of his appointment was swiftly followed by the sale of the club to a group of local businessmen, who decided they wanted Paul Buckle in charge. "It was a shock but we had a good laugh about it," Rosenior said, before saying there was a small compensation arrangement. "Torquay had a terrible year. I think they are going to plough some money into it now, I wish them the best of luck." Under Buckle the 2007-08 season got off to a good start, but defeat to Exeter in the playoffs cost them an instant return to the league. They had to wait until the following season when, still under Buckle, they beat Histon and Cambridge in the playoffs.

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN

"Were Swansea City, or indeed Cardiff City, to finish high enough up in the Premier League or win the FA Cup, would they be allowed to enter European club competitions as representatives of England?" Kevin Porter asks. "Both clubs have in the past represented Wales in Europe and achieved some notable results. What do Uefa's rules say about clubs that play in leagues outside their countries of origin? Monaco, San Marino Calcio, Berwick Rangers, Derry City and FC Vaduz spring to mind."

At a two-day executive committee meeting earlier this year, Uefa ruled that all Welsh clubs playing in the English football pyramid – that includes not just Swansea and Cardiff but also Wrexham, Merthyr Town, Colwyn Bay and Newport County – can qualify for European competitions via the English system. At the same meeting, Uefa decided that those clubs would not be able to do so through the Welsh Cup - upsetting the Welsh FA, which had hoped to spice up the competition by luring bigger clubs in with the offer of a Europa League spot.

Uefa pointed us towards Article 2 of their regulations, which sets out the criteria for entry agreed by member associations and administered by Uefa. Liechtenstein's Vaduz have for a long time played in the Swiss league, yet qualified for Europe (previously the Cup Winners Cup, then the Uefa Cup, now the Europa League) as representatives of their home association by winning the Liechtenstein Cup. The one time Vaduz made it to the top flight in Switzerland they were relegated at the first opportunity, so the Swiss FA has never had to ponder the question of their Champions League participation. Northern Ireland's Derry recently qualified by winning the Irish Cup and will, as usual, represent the FAI, not the IFA.

ALL OR NOTHING

"Has a game ever produced so many first-half goals and so few second-half goals as Reading 3-4 Manchester United?" wonders Paul Campbell.

"Aha! Blackburn Rovers." That was our first thought, remembering the club's 4-3 defeat to Leeds United back in 1997, when all seven goals were scored in the opening 32 minutes. "Had the game continued in the vein of the opening half-hour the result would have looked more like a rugby score," David Lacey wrote in the Guardian. "In this period the defending was inept, bringing to mind Monty Python's match between Gynaecologists and Treasure Island, the latter consisting of Long John Silvers standing on one leg." Blackburn, who had beaten Sheffield Wednesday 7-2 a few weeks before that after leading 5-1 at half time, did most of the attacking in the second half but could not get past George Graham's Leeds, even after Harry Kewell was sent off with 12 minutes to go.

But a bit of digging turned up some far more gluttonous first-half goal feasts, the biggest and best being Motherwell's 6-6 draw with Dumbarton in April 1954; when the half-time whistle blew, Motherwell were already 6-4 ahead. They topped the Scottish Second Division that season while Dumbarton were relegated, bottom of the table, but had they managed to pull back another to win that match, Dumbarton would have been safe and Motherwell would still have been promoted top thanks to a whopping goal average. The Scottish league also turned up a nine-goal first half, with Morton beating Forfar Athletic 8-2 in October 1962 after leading 7-2 at the break.

The archives are not short of eight-goal first halves, either: in March 1926 Clyde were beating Bathgate 6-2 at the interval, going on to win 7-3, and in April 1981 their 6-2 win over East Fife was sealed before half time. In the 1970s in the fourth division, York City beat Lincoln 5-4 having been tied 4-4 at the break, while the second half of Peterborough's 6-3 win over Barnsley saw only one goal, an extra for Peterborough, who had led 3-0 before Barnsley recovered their senses.

In December 1914, Bristol City beat Grimsby Town 7-0, with all the goals coming in the first half, a feat repeated by Coventry City when they met Queens Park Rangers in March 1933. On Boxing Day in 1911, Sheffield Wednesday scored seven in the opening 45 minutes against Sunderland, but could not resist adding another after the break. But it is not all old-school bonkers: in March 2010 Luton Town beat Hayes and Yeading 8-0 having scored the first seven in 35 minutes with five different scorers. "I've never been involved in a game before in which one team have scored seven goals in one half," the manager, Richard Money, said.

Presumably he stopped paying attention to the 1990-91 League Cup after Scunthorpe lost to Carlisle United in the first round, and missed Coventry's 5-4 win over Nottingham Forest in the fourth. Forest were the holders (and had been the year before that, too) but found themselves 4-0 down after 35 minutes, three goals from Kevin Gallacher helping Coventry on their way. Nigel Clough hit a quick-fire hat-trick of his own to pull Forest back in to contention and make the score 4-3 at half time. Not long after the break Garry Parker levelled things at 4-4, but Steve Livingstone's header won the match for Coventry in the 63rd minute. "Blow me," Brian Clough said afterwards. "After that defensive performance, our chairman would have every right to think about giving me the sack." Only think about it, mind.

KNOWLEDGE ARCHIVE

"Which English top-flight match holds the record for having the most footballers/coaches/managers who went on to become regular pundits/commentators on TV involved?" Patrick McGorman asked back in 2005.

Well Patrick, you'll do well to find more than the 16 media 'authorities' who featured in Arsenal's famous last-minute, 2-0 title-winning triumph at Liverpool on 26 May 1989. While the Reds boasted seven players (Ronnie Whelan, Alan Hansen, Ray Houghton, John Aldridge, Ian Rush, John Barnes and Steve McMahon), their manager Kenny Dalglish and their coach Roy Evans, who have all honed their TV/radio/newspaper skills in later years, Arsenal had six (Tony Adams, Lee Dixon, Paul Merson, David O'Leary, Alan Smith and Nigel Winterburn), plus their manager George Graham. Can you top that?

CAN YOU HELP?

• Next week is our Christmas special, so send us your festive-themed queries.

"Reflecting the other day on Orient's recent efforts, by our reckoning the last Os player to score 20 goals in a single League campaign was Peter Kitchen in 1977-78 – a whopping 34 years ago," Gareth Marshall calculates. "Are there any other League sides who've gone as long without having a properly prolific striker?"

"When Man City played Everton at Eastlands on Saturday 1 December, both teams played in their first choice – blue – kits," Ben Keane says. "This was in stark contrast to the current trend of teams throwing on their second and third choice strips when this is clearly unnecessary. Whilst City's and Everton's shades of blue are quite different, is this the first time two Premier League clubs have taken to the pitch wearing the same colours?"