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Changing the Obvious

by Mary Stella on October 15, 2012

I mentioned before that I’m participating in a leadership program. I’m in a class with 21 other people, plus the session leaders, etc. I met a lot of new people with this over the weekend and got to know a couple of others a little more. I realized something today. When preparing for the weekend, it didn’t cross my mind even once to pre-flinch, worry or obsess over what the strangers would think when they first saw me.

I’m used to being the fattest person in the room, at the party, on the bus — wherever. I always assumed that the very first thought people had when seeing me was something along the lines of, “Hoo, Geez. That woman’s huge!” (Or similiarly true, but unflattering thoughts.)

Imagine the stress of going through life expecting that the first impression you make will be negative. Whether that’s truly what happens doesn’t matter. Expecting it still causes stress. I couldn’t help but always feel bad and then feel like I had to work that much harder to overcome the negative. I wanted people to get past my weight and relate to me just as Mary. It felt like this was always the challenge that I had to face and overcome.

The fact that I no longer have these feelings, that I didn’t even think about this before the weekend is a great indication of progress. It was completely a non-issue. I’m not thin, but now I’m not the almost-400 pound gorilla in the room. I don’t feel like I have to overcome so much for people to get to know me and relate to me as a person.

That, my friends, is a gift to cherish and another solid brick in the foundation on which to build.