A good place to find support among the widowed community is WAY - Widowed and Young. See www.way.org.uk ; also the Merry Widow website has a lovely discussion board full of people who can help, and I know that a couple of people there went through the same thing - see http://www.merrywidow.me.uk/index.asp .

I would be happy to make contact insofaras I have half of the relevant experience, let me know if that would be useful.

Also have a look through the posts on the bereavement board here as there may be some useful info or insights that you could pick up.