Author
Topic: I caved (Read 5511 times)

Mr. Fed

It's easier to tell other people to do this stuff than it is to actually do it yourself.

I'm completely overcommitted. But the current moderator of my deacon group asked me to be the next moderator. I used my favorite dodge -- "I'm really busy, but please try to find someone else and come back to me if you can't find anyone." That usually works. Not this time. Moderator tried everyone else. Said she prayed about it. That's dirty pool.

So I caved.

My natural inclination is to handle this by getting myself impeached, possibly by setting a 30-second comment limit at the meetings (committee + church + majority of people retired = somewhat longer meetings). Then it occurred to me that employing stratagems to induce fellow deacons to kick me off by offending them was probably sub-optimal, etiquette and Christianity-wise.

How long are these meetings and how often? Maybe you and another person in the group can share the responsibility? You do one meeting, they do another. That way while you are stillinvolved, you are not the SOLE person responsible. It might help...

It's easier to tell other people to do this stuff than it is to actually do it yourself.

I'm completely overcommitted. But the current moderator of my deacon group asked me to be the next moderator. I used my favorite dodge -- "I'm really busy, but please try to find someone else and come back to me if you can't find anyone." That usually works. Not this time. Moderator tried everyone else. Said she prayed about it. That's dirty pool.

So I caved.

My natural inclination is to handle this by getting myself impeached, possibly by setting a 30-second comment limit at the meetings (committee + church + majority of people retired = somewhat longer meetings). Then it occurred to me that employing stratagems to induce fellow deacons to kick me off by offending them was probably sub-optimal, etiquette and Christianity-wise.

I'll sleep less.

Oh please don't say you're Presbyterian...

Just a question, though. How much of the overcommitment is due to the church? My parent's church used to take advantage of my Dad. I still remember the time he got a phone call and he had to drop everything and drive over there to put away a ladder. That someone at the church noticed was out. Because for some reason the person at the church didn't feel empowered enough to.

I don't think a time limit on talking is unreasonable. If you think that will help, make a new rule that you only get 3 minutes when you're making a point. It will help keep talk to a minimum and will help provide some structure. It might be rough going at first, but after a few meetings it will hopefully become easier.

The attitude appears to be "Jesus loves me. Specifically, He loves to hear me talk."

As a six-year session member -- better you than me, my friend!

Logged

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Just finishing my first year as a Deacon (Presbyterian, ) and I feel for you. Our current Moderator is about to commit murder, I think possibly as a way to get out of doing it again this year.

A couple things I've seen that helped (as if you didn't already know, but I'm going to share anyway).

1. Have an agenda. stick to it. Make people stay in order whenever possible. 2. Institute your time limit. Also, if you can, limit the number of times something can be repeated. 3. Get the secretary for the Board on your side. The faster she writes, the faster you can talk. 4. DON'T give the pastor any say during the meeting if you can help it. 5. Invest in a gavel if you don't have one already.

Also, check your Book of Order and Robert's Rules. It's possible, I think, to have someone else chair a meeting for you, but they may need to be named co-Moderator to stay within the guidelines in those two books.

Not in my church! How do they know your pledge level to begin with? No one is supposed to know what it is anyway. Although, I guess that really depends on the church, from what my boyfriend is mumbling on the other couch.

Also, the big thing with PCUSA is sharing your gifts. It isn't supposed to matter whether your gifts are monetary, time spent or talents used at the church.

If you're in the Detroit Metro area, you're more than welcome to come check out our congregation.

You could be a my former denomination, too. The "I prayed about it and you were the one God told me to ask" bit is the most underhanded of guilt trips, and I got snookered all the time back in my former church days.

You could be a my former denomination, too. The "I prayed about it and you were the one God told me to ask" bit is the most underhanded of guilt trips, and I got snookered all the time back in my former church days.

I'd be highly suspicious if someone actually said God told them to ask me. He's never answered me that directly before.

Wait - the meetings drag on because THE RETIRED PEOPLE like to run their mouths?

You mean RETIRED retired? As in "not working"? As in "having time on their hands to run their mouths at the meetings but not run the meeting itself?

Yeah - wouldn't happen here. No matter how hard someone "prayed" for me to run the meetings.

Sorry you're stuck. I agree that there is nothing wrong with a time limit - they have them here at City Council meetings and other "public input and deliberative body" meetings.

If someone complains, state either that 1) Making people condense their comments makes people think about them ahead of time instead of doing a "string of consciousness diatribe" while they try to figure it out while at the meeting and 2) People need to realize that you still work for a living and these are the rules if you are to give up some of your already-minimal time to do this. If they still complain, hand the gavel over to the one with either the biggest mouth or the longest-winded speaking average.

You could be a my former denomination, too. The "I prayed about it and you were the one God told me to ask" bit is the most underhanded of guilt trips, and I got snookered all the time back in my former church days.

You could be a my former denomination, too. The "I prayed about it and you were the one God told me to ask" bit is the most underhanded of guilt trips, and I got snookered all the time back in my former church days.

"I prayed about it, and God told me to say no."

I love it! Unfortunately, it didn't work in that particular church. You were told the only correct answer was Yes, and if you didn't do it, no one else would, and the children/Sunday school class/fellowships would suffer.