Everyday life as a Domina

Mine

I’m not a jealous person. It’s not my nature. That, and it kind of runs counterproductive to the whole polyamory thing.

In fact, jealousy does more than turn me off. It pisses me off, and nothing short of a long list of recent sexual assaults can turn me off to someone quicker than finding out they’re jealous or way too possessive. I’ve dealt with a jealous spouse before. I’ll never get into a relationship like that again.

And I don’t understand people who are okay with it. One of Kazander’s friends has a girlfriend who gets jealous if he comments on one of my Facebook pictures.

Are you serious?

Because somehow, just because I’m female, I must be trying to steal her boyfriend. And just ewww. Because while he may be hot, he’s homophobic, he has no sense of humor, and I’m 84% sure he’s on steroids.

Girl, he’s all yours. Trust me on that.

So jealousy isn’t my thing.

However…

I’m human. I’m not perfect, and I’m not immune to those occasional (short-lived) spikes of jealousy.

And there’s nothing wrong with those little spikes. As Steel said, “Who wants to be owned but not valued?”

As long as they stay those occasional little spikes, and don’t turn into full-on jealousy, it’s fine. Even flattering.

I’ve felt them before. And it’s expected, really. My boys are awesome. Of course other people notice. Of course other people entertain fantasies about them.

The first time I felt that stab of jealousy with one of my boys was when I found out that Kazander’s boss has a crush on him. Although again, it didn’t last long. And her feelings for him actually worked out to our advantage in a huge way.

Hell, I even felt it when Chevy mentioned that he had a crush on Kazander (particularly when he wears those loose gym shorts during the summer… For all the crap I give Kazander with small-penis humiliation, he’s not small. Chevy noticed). And I’ve actively worked to make that happen. Because it’s hot.

I haven’t experienced it with Sounder yet, but I’m sure I will. He’s fucking hot, he’s smart as hell, and he’s got a fantastically sarcastic, dry sense of humor (his humor is a big part of what initially got my attention in the first place). I have no doubt that at least one woman he interacts with on a regular basis fantasizes about him. Although, the things the average vanilla woman may fantasize about doing with him are…. very different than the things I do with him.

Like how I fucked him with a big dildo and tied his hands above his head and clipped like a hundred (I may be exaggerating slightly) clothespins on his dick and balls last night. I’m pretty sure the average vanilla woman’s mind doesn’t go there when she imagines him without his clothes on.

Just recently, I felt it with Steel.

And again, it was expected. I’m actually surprised that it took this long to happen. I’ve been with Steel damn near a year, now.

And he’s sexy, he’s got the most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen, he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and he’s funny as hell.

He also looks damn good sprawled across me while I finger him, or up on all fours while I spank him and fuck him, or curled up in my lap while I absently play with his collar and watch TV.

Or straddling me, his arms wrapped around me, clinging to me, his face buried against my neck, gasping and whimpering while I tease and hurt him, shoving my precum-soaked fingers into his mouth when the constant stream of slutty begging goes from being adorable to being annoying, pinning him down and grinning as he whines while I milk him…

What was I talking about?

So it’s not surprising that another Domme took notice. And it’s not surprising that she has repeatedly expressed her attraction to him, despite knowing that he’s owned and collared.

Of course she’s attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be?

Of course she imagines using him. He’s an insatiable, greedy bitch with a goddamn sexy mind.

Of course she sees in him everything that made me fall for him in the first place. This doesn’t come as a surprise. I’d be surprised if she’s the only one.

And no, it doesn’t make me jealous. Because at the end of the day, he’s loyal, he’s faithful, he loves me, and he’s mine.

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All pictures posted on this blog are either taken by me or shamelessly swiped from the interwebs and assumed to be public domain. If you own a picture posted here and wish it taken down, please contact me at dominajen@yahoo.com.

What this blog is

This is an 18+ blog about my day-to-day life as a Domina, wife, mother, and all that other crap. A chronicle of me. While this blog focuses primarily on the D/s aspect of my life and my relationships with Kazander, Steel, and Sounder, it is not exclusive to that subject, and I might talk about my kid, or my annoying mother, or my sister's pet cat, or whatever the hell I feel like talking about.

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Steel’s Blog: Grind_'n'_Throb

It begins over a friendly disagreement, during which you smile, roll your eyes, and say, “Go fuck yourself.”

“But, Ma’am, that’s physically impossible.”

You smirk and ask how certain I am of this. On a roll, I launch into a smug and tangential rant about the anatomical impossibility of an individual’s being capable of fucking oneself. Your response is to merely shrug, smile, and make a cryptic statement:

“Don’t be so sure…”

Later that evening, you tell me bedtime will be early, an hour early to be exact. The amused look on your face says it would be in my best interests not to argue.

Sometimes I fall into a vicious cycle where I’m mentally and emotionally frustrated and cannot manage to channel that energy into productive avenues. In the old days, this would lead to drinking or drugs, but I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I try to go about my day, generally fail to complete mundane tasks and end up feeling ‘stuck’ – this progresses into a cycle of mild depression, feelings of inertia, guilt over said inertia, and then on and on it goes until something snaps me out of it.

It feels like I’m seated in a car stuck in neutral yet compelled to rev the engine until it screams.

When did I last curl up in her lap? It’s been so long, I cannot recall. Despite numbered boxcars on the calendar and the disinterested faces of clocks, a concrete memory eludes me. Time, location, and date, they’re merely three dimensions after all.