ughhhhh

Friday

May 3, 2013 at 11:34 AM

So,I feel like crap. I went to the doctor yesterday and both my white and red blood cells are low…. and I can tell. I am weak, I am sore….and I’m super emotional. I think everyone gets to a point when they’ve had enough…and I am close. I am so over everything, and just want things back to normal. I feel like I am missing out on things right now because my body won’t cooperate, and that sucks.

I know, I know, just 2 left. From my mouth to Gods ears. My body has just taken such a beating throughout this I feel like waving the white flag and giving in. No one, unless they have been through this knows, knows how it feels. Right now I am under a heating blanket, with a cold wet rag on my forehead. Am I hot? Am I cold? I have no idea. Am I happy? Am I sad? I haven’t a clue. I could cry all day and all night and have every reason to do so.

Most of all right now I have guilt. Guilt over my mom staying so much

and I know she is missing her husband. Guilt over missing time with my kids

and husband…. it just never ends. And it sucks!

I just want to feel better…I just want to go back to being “me.”

So,I feel like crap. I went to the doctor yesterday and both my white and red blood cells are low…. and I can tell. I am weak, I am sore….and I’m super emotional. I think everyone gets to a point when they’ve had enough…and I am close. I am so over everything, and just want things back to normal. I feel like I am missing out on things right now because my body won’t cooperate, and that sucks.

I know, I know, just 2 left. From my mouth to Gods ears. My body has just taken such a beating throughout this I feel like waving the white flag and giving in. No one, unless they have been through this knows, knows how it feels. Right now I am under a heating blanket, with a cold wet rag on my forehead. Am I hot? Am I cold? I have no idea. Am I happy? Am I sad? I haven’t a clue. I could cry all day and all night and have every reason to do so.

Most of all right now I have guilt. Guilt over my mom staying so much
and I know she is missing her husband. Guilt over missing time with my kids
and husband…. it just never ends. And it sucks!