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When friends pair off

Q I have a group of four friends and we're all pretty tight. Within the past two months, two of my friends are acting like they're more than just friends. They're always sitting so close they're practically glued together. Even though they have feelings for each other, they won't say anything.

By Margo Varadi

Thu., Feb. 1, 2007

Q I have a group of four friends and we're all pretty tight. Within the past two months, two of my friends are acting like they're more than just friends. They're always sitting so close they're practically glued together. Even though they have feelings for each other, they won't say anything.

Now, things we used to do together as a group are a "you two" and "us two" situation. It's really awkward when I stumble upon them hugging and holding hands so I pretend not to notice.

Since they are always in their own little world, it's breaking up the group. I want to stay friends with both of them but it's kind of awkward hanging out with them now. What should I do?

A There's nothing like a couple in love to make you feel crappy, especially when they both happen to be your friends. It's like you're hanging out with an exclusive club for two that you're not a member of.

Never is this more true than when, as you say, their eyes and bodies are locked together and you're left standing there unnoticed. You wonder if you started having a conversation with yourself – would they even care?

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What's particularly annoying in your case is that they don't admit to being a couple, even though they're so super obvious about it. You're probably feeling a little resentful, perhaps jealous even? It might be helpful to look at just what it is you're really feeling and deal with that.

You can't stop them from doing their lovey-dovey thing but you can start doing your own thing more. The less bothered you choose to be, the less awkward you'll feel hanging out with them.

Q My parents are always fighting. My dad works in Alberta three weeks out of four and the rest of us live in Newfoundland. When my dad is home, he and my mom are always fighting. They fight over money, who works more, and they even fight about me, my younger brother and sister.

Sometimes the fights result with them not talking and other times it ends with them shouting at us and asking us which parent we are going to choose. My mother has threatened to leave, and my dad has threatened to not come home.

I just want us to be a family again, like we were years ago. Is there anything I can do to get my parents to co-operate again? Please help me, if you can.

A It's very common for families to fall apart when one parent is forced to travel a lot for better job opportunities. It can be unbearably stressful for parents who end up feeling bitter about the sacrifices they have to make.

Sadly, kids are the ones who have to deal with these angry parents, who aren't acting like parents because what they want is to feel taken care of. Right now, fighting is the only way your parents know how to deal with their anger and frustration. But, when things get out of hand and they start shouting and/or trying to make you choose between them, you need to walk away and send a very strong message of how hurtful and inappropriate they're being.

Things may be especially tough for you because, as the oldest, you feel like you have to look after everyone. You can try to ease the strain on your parents by helping out with chores, but you can't make your family be the way they once were or make your parents get along.

You've had good times with them, but with the good times come some bad times. Now is a bad time, and you need to accept that and take care of yourself by trying to get through this in one piece.

If you need to talk to someone or want to get some professional help for your family, you could call Kids Help Phone anytime at 1-800-668-6868 or check out their website at kidshelpphone.ca.

columnist, gives you the advice you'd expect to get from a big

sister who is on your side.

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