Ah am wondeuring if it is possible that L’imbicile mart spontaneously combust.
Ah ‘ear it can ‘appen.
If L’Uncle was ‘ere, ‘e would say it could arranged’.

Apart from le fact ‘e is l’idiot and Muzzeur’s boyfriend, ‘e always want to fart with me and now that ah am le working ‘orze, ah ‘ave betteur things to do with le spare tarm.

Ah am le very busy ‘orze now. Ah do not ‘ave tarm to fart with anyone.

Suddenly, for no reason at all, ah am attacked from be’ind. Quell ‘orreur!

When ah told ‘im to Bart Me this moaning, ah did not mean it – it is just l’expression.

‘What L’ell’ ah yell, ‘ah did not mean it!’

But ‘e will not let go. Ah ‘ave to do something about le situation. ‘e will pay dearly for this.

Ah staggeur oveur to le Paparazzi.
‘Did you see that Paparazzi?’ ah ask, ‘it was l’unprovoked attack, and ah am now in le coma unable to anything eveur again’.

It is then that ah realarse that ah ‘ave just WALKED oveur to them.
Quickly ah drop to le ground and ‘ope they did not notice.
Ah give them le most beatific smarle and lie there. Le minute go by and nobody say anything.

Dear Madame Ella,
le ‘orze of mah stature does not work!
‘oweveur ah am glad to ‘ear that you can not live without me. Many ‘ave declared this.
You will be pleased to know that le dignity remains intact
Lord LubbaDuck (Zephyr to le friends)