Protecting the Rights of Grandchildren

When grandparents are responsible for the day to day care of their grandchildren they must take special precautions to be sure that the children's rights are protected. There are a number of things that can be done to assure that the children can continue to live in a safe, nurturing environment.

Securing Legal Representation

While it must certainly feel odd to seek legal representation for a grandchild in order to protect them from bad decisions that their parents may make for them, it is an unfortunately common occurrence. Lawyers specialising in family law are the best choice for such matters, providing invaluable advice and guidance to worried grandparents. Whether grandparents are looking for legal permission to take temporary guardianship of their grandchildren or are seeking permanent custody, it is vital that they employ a competent attorney. While some families choose to operate with only informal agreements between the adults, this can put the children at risk in the event that one of the parties fails to meet their obligations. Having matters in writing affords everyone the peace of mind of knowing that the children's best interests will be kept as the single biggest priority.

Listening to the Children

While it is sometimes impractical or impossible for children to have their way in family matters, it is still important for them to be given a voice. Children, especially young ones, are not always capable of understanding the problems within their family, but they typically have a good grasp of how the situation makes them feel. It is common for children to love and defend their parents, even when those parents have shown themselves to be incapable of providing a proper home environment. Children should never be made to feel their feelings are unimportant or "wrong," but they need to be protected and provided for, just the same. Grandparents who have taken in their grandkids must make every effort to accommodate the children's wishes regarding involvement with their parents, except in cases where that involvement puts the children at risk.

Seeking Professional Help

Kids who have been through traumatic experiences will experience a wide range of emotions and can sometimes benefit from talking to someone outside of the family to help them get perspective. Child psychologists and family counsellors are trained to guide children safely through their feelings, allowing them the opportunity to express themselves without fear of judgement or negative repercussions. Often, children are hesitant to communicate their emotions because they either do not want to hurt the feelings of family members or feel that they do not want to add to the family's burdens. In any case, children need to have a safe outlet for their emotions, so arranging counselling sessions can be quite beneficial.

Providing Proper Documentation

Ideally, parents who are unable to care for their children would be grateful for the assistance of their own parents, but that is not always the case. Sometimes parents who suffer from mental illness, substance abuse problems, or are abusive to their children, strongly object to relinquishing the kids into anyone else's care. In cases such as these, grandparents must be diligent in documenting every incident in which the children's parents have endangered them. While taking such extreme measures is undoubtedly difficult and awkward, it is in the best interest of the children to see that they are living in a safe and stable environment.

Grandma and Grandpa Matter, Too

The stress that is involved in caring for children can take its toll in even the best of circumstances, but for grandparents who are involved in ongoing disputes with their grown children, the difficulties are multiplied. It is all too common for caregivers to be diligent about seeing that the children's needs are being met while failing to look out for their own needs. Grandparents should make every effort to schedule a bit of relaxation time for themselves, as well as seeing that their own needs for a healthy diet, exercise, and sufficient sleep are met. Safeguarding their personal health is one way to assure that they will be able to provide their grandchildren with the very best care.

My son split with his partner 15months ago they have a son who is three she stopped him seeing his son for three months by trying to accuse him of all sorts of thingsThe court then ordered that he sees his son on a Sunday and half day on a Wednesday which has been great.His mother also stopped us from seeing him for almost a year until the court decided that we could see him. We have now got to the stage where we pick him up from nursery one day per week and have an overnight stay on a Sunday with his dad of course. All was going well until one day my grandson came and said he didn't want to have a sleep over anymore and got quite upset. Three weeks on and my son managed to get to the bottom of this.The mother has been telling the child that nanny and grandad don't love him and also that something bad happened at nannys house to her in nannys bedroom and now he is scared to stay. He also cried the last time we picked him up from preschool.The mother throughout this has tried everything to try and stop visits by lying and saying nasty things about my son and us especially me the grandmother and has even got her 15 year old to lie for her too. I love my Son and grandson and now this has made me feel so sad that she would stoop so low as to scare her child and make him so unhappy.She has already on several occasions been warned by the court to stop speaking ill of my son in front of my grandson but still she persists. I'm not sure what if anything we can do to stop her behaviour.Please could someone advise me on this.
Many thanks

Nanny - 15-Jun-19 @ 12:11 PM

My daughter has a long term history of drug abuse, getting in for 20 yrs..
Last yr she crashed her car while on drugs, with my grandaughter in the car and when authorities got involved they asked me if I'd look after my grandaughter, who was 3 at the time..
After a month there was a meeting with social services, health visitor and drugs worker . My daughter agreed tolots of different hell and courses.And as she took a solicitor to the meeting the S.S said the child had to be returned to her .mother.
This has never happened fully. The most that happened was my grandaughter staying 2 or 3 nights a wk, then she gets picked up by me and taken to nursery in the mornings, she would stay come wkends.. but getting her to sleep there has been problematic.
My daughter is still on quite alot of prescription meds, and although trying to reduce, is really struggling and suffers badly from anxiety, and is very inconsistent, unreliable and often makes bed decisions. She appears to be more of a playmate to my grandaughter than a parent.
Approx 2 months ago my grandaughtet who's now 4 said to me she doesn't want to sleep at mummies, ( although she does love seeing her mum)
Mum persueided her to ' stay' but it all went wrong and I ended up collecting her and taking her home..
Social services are trying to get her mother to have her sleeping again and mother is keen.. but my grandaughter doesn't want to. My feeling is she must feel insecure as she likes being with her but not to sleep and she's adament she doesn't want to.
Health visitor is telling mother to be consistent and form which is a big ask!!
And mother is hardly seeing my grandaughtet at the mo because if anxiety, feeling unwell etc.
But as it's coming into a year since this all started I know SS are trying to get the sleeping to work because they want to get her signed off..
She was initially on a child protection plan and now downgraded to child in need..
They say that the mother will always be up and down but aslong as I support her then it will be fine and she's low risk.
I really feel that they want me to do their job and manage the whole situation..
I am not happy about telling my grandaughtet she has to sleep at mummies if she doesn't want to.
And im not happy for her to come off the register and loose S,S involvementwhile I have no legal rights. Mother won't agree to share rights and S, S say they won't back us at this time in trying to get them through court.
What can I/ we do, feeling so helpless.

Super nanny - 11-Jun-19 @ 11:14 AM

Hi I have a SGO for my now 4.5 year old Grandchild who has special needs. I have had him in my care since he was 21 months old. It has been a constant battle as his mother is constantly harassing me and attempting to overturn the order. I have recently been advised he is entitled to a solicitor through legal aid to act on his behalf. How do I go about arranging this please?

Ruthy - 28-May-19 @ 11:47 PM

Hello
I.have three lovely grandchildrenTheir Father been in prison most if their lives has just got out once again.The children. are very well at this stage .His probation rule was not to go to their home which he.has done .I let probation know of this now my daughter not talking to me and says I cant see my little ones who.I.helped bring up.Im going to apply for Court order in order to see them. As for the Father maybe his probation officer said something for him violating his order?

None - 13-Jan-19 @ 5:17 PM

worried grandma- Your Question:

My 13 year old grandson is connected to the social services and has a condition that if things are going bad at home he can come to my house. He has now been here 5 days and refuses to go home. His mother and her boyfriend are now threatening us with a court order to stop contact. Is there anything we can do?

Our Response:

In this case, I would speak to social services directly for advice. As your son is aged 13, his opinion will count in court. As in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of the child in question. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. If your grandson wishes to stay with you and social services have allowed this, then you have social services on your side. Much depends upon the circumstances surrounding your grandson's home life. If his home life is bad and your grandson refuses to return home, then hopefully the courts will rule in his and your favour.

ProudGrandparents - 26-Jul-18 @ 10:36 AM

my 13 year old grandson is connected to the social services and has a condition that if things are going bad at home he can come to my house. He has now been here 5 days and refuses to go home. His mother and her boyfriend are now threatening us with a court order to stop contact. Is there anything we can do?

worried grandma - 25-Jul-18 @ 1:05 PM

super nan - Your Question:

I have a residence order for my 7 yr old grandaughter, ive had it since birth, If I die will her mother get her back

Our Response:

Much depends upon the circumstances regarding why your granddaughter lives with you. Therfore, it is impossible to answer your question. However, anyone who has parental responsibility of the child or is the biological parent will be considered.

ProudGrandparents - 14-May-18 @ 10:45 AM

i have a residence order for my 7 yr old grandaughter, ive had it since birth, If i die will her mother get her back

super nan - 12-May-18 @ 9:04 PM

My mother has guardianship of my 12 year old son and she's dying can she give him to her sister with. No socialworkers involed

Theresa - 14-Apr-18 @ 2:40 AM

Gran - Your Question:

Grandma with residence order therefore parental responsibility. Mum and dad still with pr. can gran claim child support from either/both parents?

Our Response:

If the child is living with you, then yes, you can claim child maintenance if the parents are earning and paying tax through HMRC.

ProudGrandparents - 12-Mar-18 @ 10:32 AM

Grandma with residence order therefore parental responsibility. Mum and dad still with pr. can gran claim child support from either/both parents?

Gran - 11-Mar-18 @ 10:30 AM

Nicky - Your Question:

Hi. I'm new to this situation and feel a overwhelmed at the moment. So much information out there regarding the legal processes it's hard to know where to start. I'm currently looking after my grandson on an unofficial basis but hoping the arrangement will be made official soon. Very briefly : Grandson aged 14 and his 4 younger siblings were removed from their mother's care last summer as a result of her alcohol and substance abuse as well as surrounding herself and the children with a succession of dangerous adults. All of the children were placed with my son/their dad. Everything is fine with siblings. They are happy and thriving but grandson kept gravitating back to his mother who is only allowed contact with the children under supervision. She seems to have a vice like grip on him and actively encouraged him to engage in her behaviours as well as become a 'missing child'Due to the above, grandson was eventually made subject of a full care order and placed in a care home some 135 miles from home. In time, he was allowed home visits at weekend but only if he stayed with me. More recently, he was allowed longer stays and has currently being staying with me for a whole month now. This is where it gets complicated. His social worker agreed he could stay with me with a view this becoming permanent as she wanted him away from the care home due to the fact that a local character had been grooming both him and another boy from the same home. I agreed on condition we could get him back into his old school asap. She said this could be arranged in about a week and a half. It's now becoming clear that it isn't that simple. His school have agreed he can have a place but not until he's officially here with me. This seems fair enough but I was led to believe this could be arranged quickly but in reality it seems not. He's currently here with me in body but living in a care home 2 1/2 hours drive away on paper. Apparently she 'may' have to go back to court to get this arranged. In general, how long do these things take? He's been here a month so far with no schooling and no idea with he can remain here. I just want the uncertainty to end :-(

Our Response:

Are Social Services applying for a Special Guardianship Order, which allows you to make decisions on behalf of yoru grandchild? Please see link here . If so, we cannot say how long this would take, you would have to speak directly with Social Services regarding this. Can anyone else help with this question, if they have been through similar circumstances?

ProudGrandparents - 16-Feb-18 @ 11:39 AM

Hi. I'm new to this situation and feel a overwhelmed at the moment. So much information out there regarding the legal processes it's hard to know where to start... I'm currently looking after my grandson on an unofficial basis but hoping the arrangement will be made official soon.
Very briefly : Grandson aged 14 and his 4 younger siblings were removed from their mother's care last summer as a result of her alcohol and substance abuse as well as surrounding herself and the children with a succession of dangerous adults. All of the children were placed with my son/their dad. Everything is fine with siblings. They are happy and thriving but grandson kept gravitating back to his mother who is only allowed contact with the children under supervision. She seems to have a vice like grip on him and actively encouraged him to engage in her behaviours as well as become a 'missing child'
Due to the above, grandson was eventually made subject of a full care order and placed in a care home some 135 miles from home. In time, he was allowed home visits at weekend but only if he stayed with me. More recently, he was allowed longer stays and has currently being staying with me for a whole month now. This is where it gets complicated.... His social worker agreed he could stay with me with a view this becoming permanent as she wanted him away from the care home due to the fact that a local character had been grooming both him and another boy from the same home. I agreed on condition we could get him back into his old school asap. She said this could be arranged in about a week and a half. It's now becoming clear that it isn't that simple. His school have agreed he can have a place but not until he's officially here with me. This seems fair enough but I was led to believe this could be arranged quickly but in reality it seems not... He's currently here with me in body but living in a care home 2 1/2 hours drive away on paper. Apparently she 'may' have to go back to court to get this arranged. In general, how long do these things take? He's been here a month so far with no schooling and no idea with he can remain here. I just want the uncertainty to end :-(

Nicky - 15-Feb-18 @ 7:53 PM

Hi i wonder if i can be advised, my 4 year old granddaughter has been saying many things not just about her step brother from her dads who live elsewhere rubbing her private parts which i have reported to nspcc who passed it onto social services who questioned her mum my daughter whos in complete denial telling me and them that my granddaughter is telling fibs over this altho she has come home many times with sore red itchy parts also a sign in my eyes but other little things she has said in the past which got me shook up but this time she actually told me exactly why she wakes up sore down there an showed me what the boy done who is just 8 as you can imagine im at my witts end but for some strange reason her mum doesnt believe her anyway ss went to speak to my daughter an granddaughter where it was found to of been one occassion which i dont think so but they say its once and my daughter told my granddaughter she cant see daddy anymore coz of what she told nanna and now my granddaughter is retracting what she said but me and her mum have fallen out now as im furious her mum dont believe her her mum tells me that ss arent doing anything about with the boy being just 8 i dont know what to do to get this properly sorted out i cannot settle knowing my daughter will continue to allow my granddaughter to be keep going to her dads where she can subjected to this kind of thing again im heartbroken at my poor granddaughter and furious at my daughters behaviour thru this is there anyone i can get help advice or info from as i dont know who to turn too to get this situation resolved an my granddaughter kept safe and not only this but as my granddaughter continues to speak to me who is just 4 shes telling me other things like she makes her own toast in the toaster gets her own drinks from the tap climbing up from a stool this is now worrying me too this cannot be right or safe for her age please can you advise me i would be so gratefull ....thank you

HeartbrokenNanna - 27-Jan-18 @ 1:49 AM

@Deb- just because that person has a 'mental illness', it doesn't mean they aren't capable to look after the kids and your daughter or daughter-in-law is being irresponsible. Can't you offer to look after the kids? Or talk to the mother about it, raising your concerns. The only alternative is to contact social services (if you are really concerned and this person has a bad track history), or take it to court under a Prohibited Steps Order.

JanB - 23-Jan-18 @ 9:59 AM

Does anybody know how I can raise a safeguarding issue to stop my grandchildren being left with somebody who has bipolar disorder whilst their mother goes on holiday for two weeks

Deb - 22-Jan-18 @ 2:02 PM

Does anybody know how I can raise a safe guarding issue. To stop a person with a mental illness looking after my grandchildren whilst their mother goes on a two week holiday

Deb - 22-Jan-18 @ 1:58 PM

On March 9th 2017 my Daughter gave birth to my granddaughter who was born with meth in her system.I helped with the delivery and got to cut the umbilical cord...I spent the weekend at the hospital and had the baby with me the whole time while my daughter slept. Social services stepped in and asked if any of us were willing to take the baby and because of something on my record from 14 years ago they said i was not aloud.My son and his wife stepped up and he told them he had an assault on his record from 7 years ago..They had not received his back background check but let them take the baby anyway..Myself and my son have both changed our lives around ..Social services got his background check and waited for two weeks and came and took the baby out of their home ..My daughter wanted me to take full custody of the baby and was suppose to come over and discuss this and i have not spoken to her since because i don't know where she is..My granddaughter was placed in fosrer care and none of us have seen her since...In the middle of all this a social worker called and said that she would set up visitation but it would take awhile then i get a call from her and she tells me im not a priority i would have to wait a year until my daughter lost her parental rights if she didn't comply then they would see what they could do...I am heart broken as well as the rest of my family..My other grandchildren 6 and 7 ask about her all the time and when i cant give them an answer it's devastating...I am trying to get legal advice..By no means am i rich but i would be able to give my granddaughter a loving home and everything she needs..We just miss her so much...I need some guidance on where to start.

chrissy - 11-Jul-17 @ 5:54 AM

@Supernan - only if you have a residency order or parental responsibility can you claim. Plus only one person can make the claim. Speak to HMRC and child benefit directly they will tell you what you can do if you are going to be caring for him long term.

Liz - 30-Jun-17 @ 10:16 AM

My 14 yr old grandson has been staying with me for 3mths due to problems with his mumshe is not contributing towards his upkeepeven tho she us claiming tax cred an c.benefit for him .can i claim these benefits while caring for him.

Supernan - 29-Jun-17 @ 1:35 PM

Hi,my daughter has been married almost 2 years now but unfortunately our now 16 year old Granddaughter doesn't get along with her husband.It looks to us that he doesn't like the way our daughter is with her and says she is not strict enough.She is a good girl,has a boyfriend of 2 years and has just started her GCSE'S.He is abrupt and rude to her friends,never speaks first and has said hurtful things to her about her birth Dad who isn't in her life,which effects her.
It's as if she's in the way!!!!!

Neicey - 22-May-17 @ 4:44 PM

Hi, first of all thank you for your invaluable resource.
My grandson is 13 and currently lives with me ( for past 4 months now ... he came feb 2017). He started running away from home when his mum moved to a new area/authority. He has issues to do with mum. He has 2 younger siblings with a 3rd due any day now. As i live under a different area authority for ss we have a war between the two. Mum still has parental respinsibility for him n there are no court orders or involvement. My understanding is that ( please could you clarify thus for me?) That, when ss take on a case ie get a referral, they take on the whole family as a case. Therefore the new area authority are responsible for dealing with my grandsin surely? As he lives with me in a different area a referrals been made by the original ss team only for them to " support" us whilst hes living with me...my area ss are making life intolerable for us n both authorities keep batting the ball back n forth n me n my daughter are getting caught in the crossfire. Re ss who shud be doing what it went to cp but was reduced to c. i. n status n im following the careplan rules...occasionally he stays out overnite at mates without askn first n my area ss are kucking off about it sayn he shud go home to mum n work done with family unit as a whole etc etc...need legality of this sorting asap my daughters really stressed n due to give birth. Thank you. What should the " support" ss be doing n not doing?

Jo - 11-May-17 @ 3:40 PM

Hi we have been going through a lot with ss over last 3 years my daughter has been worn down with constant referrals and stuff all unwarrantedbut then the situation got worse and it did become warranted my daughter has 3 kids one just turned 3 and twins who have just turned 2 it all came to a head last year about November time and my daughter and grandkids came to live with me we continued trying to support her but it wasn't even and the referrals kept coming it was decided that the kids would stay with me and both parents signed a section 25 my grandkids are now with their dad but i am seeing more and more things that i dont like unfortunately i have lost all faith it social work therefore i fel i cant go to them their dad is now going for a residency order which i feel is not in the best interest of my grandkids my daughter will not get them back but the is no court order of anything to stop her having her kids it has all veen done through social work who i feel have discounted mythoughts on what is best for my grandkids i had them for 12 weeks before they went to their dad who showed no interest in the kids other than to make my daughters life a misery i am at my wits end with it all and i know they want to stay with me and my husband we have been the only constant in their livesand i find thios a maze to get through as social work are very untrustworthy i am scared to say anything incase they put them in carethis would destroy me as they have lived with me for a long time now any advice would be gratefully received thanks in advance

nana99 - 29-Dec-16 @ 1:41 AM

grandmother3 - Your Question:

I wonder if you could possibly list some things that I can put in place to prevent my daughter from turning up at my home unannounced please

Our Response:

This is a bit tricky to advise on without knowing the background information and why you do not wish your daughter to turn up unannounced and what the repercussions of her actions are. If, for instance, you are caring for your grandchild and you have a child arrangement order that gives you permission to do this, (some orders will make very specific arrangements for the child, other orders will be more open), and if your daughter is overstepping the terms laid out in the order, then she may be in breach. In which case you would have to take the matter back to court in order to have the terms enforced. If there are no such arrangments and your care is informal, then you could either start by asking her and if she refuses to respond suggest mediation. If the issue cannot be resolved through mediation, then you would have to take it to court. On the other hand, if your daughter is coming the to the house and causing disruption, then you may have to get the police involved. Please see Ask the Police link here which may help.

ProudGrandparents - 13-Apr-16 @ 11:17 AM

I wonder if you could possibly list some things that I can put in place to prevent my daughter from turning up at my home unannounced please