Weekly News Update

Liking these posts? Follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook — this is the edited version of what we’re reading! (We also Tweet if we hear about a good sale through our CorporetteDeals Twitter feed.) You can also follow us on Pinterest.

– Refinery29 has a great collection of work-appropriate bags.
– Hmmn: as if the Executive Suite weren’t already enough of a boys’ club, according to ReadWriteWeb some companies are starting to “gamify” training programs (as in, videogame). Well, at least that might help with employee boredom, which Forbes Woman says is killing everyone’s productivity.
– Applying for jobs? The WSJ suggests you learn the newest skillset: writing your application in such a way to get past the recruiting software. Meanwhile, SavvySugar lists four ways to trumpet your achievements without sounding like a braggart.

Comments

Not really sure why video games make something a guys’ club. I’m as female as they come and I’m an avid gamer. And FWIW, using games in training development isn’t all that new; it’s been around for a good five years anyway.

I know we’ve had a discussion about prenups before, but I find myself in a potentially sticky situation. My long-term bf and I are likely to get married in the next year or two. I have been working full time as a lawyer for several years now, have no debt, own a car, still rent and have a good deal in savings. He is going into his 3L year at a private law school in a big city, has some debt from college, and will have a huge amount of debt from law school. We have discussed that when he graduates, and we get married, we would seek to purchase a home together. I would quit my job, use some of my savings for the down payment, and take a break from the crush of big law with the goal to get organized, spend some time with family, create a home/support him from home as he starts his first legal job, and have a family. He would work full time and pay the mortgage. The issue is that I want a prenup – I have assets to protect and his debt is terrifying for me (very risk adverse). Plus, my parents are divorced, I am the oldest child, and have some responsibility to look after my mother and my youngest sibling (who is unable to work). My bf is completely against prenups and thinks that I’m somehow not as dedicated to the relationship as he is. This is the only issue that has come between us over several years of dating and I’m not sure how to resolve it. Any suggestions or creative ideas on how to give us both some peace of mind? Thanks!

I would look into the laws of your state. I think often pre-marital debt does not become joint unless you expressly assume responsibility, and pre-marital assets that are not co-mingled with marital assets would not be up for division in a divorce. If that is the case, and you do choose to rely on the state law, just be very careful about keeping things in your name, not co-mingling, etc. to maintain that protection.

Are you doing any premarital counseling with him? If he accuses you of not being dedicated to the relationship for asking for a prenup, I would try to have some kind of structured conversation with him (either using a book or a person as a guide) to talk through that. It seems like you have a lot of things to consider, financially, so you might want to talk to a prenup lawyer in your jurisdiction to help work through all of your options (I’m also a lawyer, but that’s not my area of expertise, so it was helpful to have someone guide me through it).

Have you discussed how finances will work once he is working and you are staying home? I would definitely want to talk that through and have a “worst case scenario” talk (i.e., death or divorce) before you enter into that arrangement.

Also, if you buy a home together, will that be mostly your savings? One thing we wanted our prenup for was to allow us to put our separate assets (we are day-to-day shared, but have a few separate things that we would most likely dip into for a big purchase) into a marital asset without having to worry about splitting up a year later and having the whole thing divided equally. We incorporated a “loan to the marriage”-type provision where the “loan” would be forgiven over time. To me, that encourages us to pool assets without having to analyze where things might be going.

I’m not a huge fan of pre-nups, but it might be warranted in your situation. Maybe it would be best to write out all of your concerns and set up a consult to just discuss them with an attorney (make sure that you get really good references for one that will counsel you, not just push you to get one, and explain when you make the appointment that that’s what you’re after). Maybe (just maybe), your boyfriend will agree to go if it’s just a consult to discuss how things would work with and without a prenup and that sort of thing. Then, you can decide from there what would be best.

I’d talk to an attorney privately and find out what options you have available to him to avoid becoming responsible for his debt. Perhaps there are options other than a prenup that would be more acceptable to your BF. Then, explain to him that you’re concerned about taking on his debt in the event that anything happens to him – not just divorce, but death, injury, etc. Let him know that you just want to make sure you’ll be ok if, God forbid, something happens to him. I think he’ll understand this – most people want to make sure their loved ones will be all right after they’re gone.

I think that anyone in a financial position that is inferior to their fiance’s who questions his or her potential spouse for wanting a prenup these days when divorce is so common probably needs to ask themselves whether they might actually want to marry their fiance for their money (at least a little bit). Your bf is studying to be a lawyer, so he must understand what the consequences might be for you if you don’t get a prenup.

Whatever you decide to do, do not base your decision on his preferences. If you check into the laws in the state you plan to live in when you are married and you think you will be protected without a prenup, i.e., by putting the home you buy solely in your name, that’s one thing, but DO NOT let him guilt trip you out of getting a prenup by saying you want one because you are not dedicated to your relationship. A year from now, you will literally be hundreds of thousands of dollars wealthier than he will be when you consider your salary and savings and his debt. It sounds like his earning potential is still up in the air. Is it a sure thing that he will have a biglaw job immediately after he graduates?

To give you some perspective, when I told my DH I wanted a prenup, his reaction was basically, “Sure, Honey, I understand. I don’t want your money, and whatever you need me to sign, I’ll sign. I just want to spend my life with you.” When we went through the process, it wasn’t one-sided. We both had our own lawyers, drafts went back and forth and we ended up with an arrangement we are both comfortable with. If he had been accusatory of me for wanting a prenup, like your bf is of you, that would have raised red flags to me.

Yeah, when my boyfriend told me he wanted I prenup I said “of course!” I am the one with the debt and he is the one with the money…but he has familial obligations that he needs to deal with. I should neither have to shoulder that burden, nor “get” his assets upon death or divorce. He also should not have to shoulder my debt. I see a prenup as a win win.

My only word of advice, make sure the prenup is 2-way protectable. It sounds like you’re going to use a chunk of your savings to buy the home, then have less income/earning potential for a while as he works and pays off his debt and begins to get into a better income/debt ratio…what happens if you do need to get back into a higher paid job but potentially are not able to due to this period of getting out of the rat race? Don’t think of it as just a protection for your current situation, also think about the future.

You know what’s even more insulting? When a bunch of programmers and suits (most of whom are men) decide that for any given gaming genre, that if they want to market it to women, they have to dumb it down and make it easy. (This has happened in a number of RPG-type games, unfortunately.)

I admit, I am not a hardcore gamer by any means, but I am a big fan of video games and want to see them be successful for every player (not just dudes, not just ladies, but everyone). I get frustrated easily and have a lot of trouble with controls and camera angles, so I virtually always play on “easy”, but I would never ask that games get forced on easy for other players. If it’s too hard, I just don’t play it – but I’m an individual, not representative of the whole gender!