A crazy Devil Fruit puts Zoro's soul in a certain cook's body. Can Sanji get him back into his own body before his own soul is destroyed... or before the marimo drives him crazy? Nakamaship, multichapter, rated mostly for language. COMPLETE! WITH EXTRAS!

You guys have no idea how sorry I am that I didn't get these out sooner!!! I kept trying to work on them, but stuff would happen, or I would be tired for stuff of substance, or whatever. But now they're finally here! I hope they were worth the wait!

The suggested by stuff means that they mentioned something of the short's effect in a review, not that they actually said, "Write this!"

Anonymous Reader Review Corner!!

(because I'm stupid and forgot I couldn't reply to anonymous reviewers. If you do an anon review to this chapter, just know that you have my eternal gratitude for reading, because I can't reply anymore)

Asura: I did it! Only it wasn't a seagull… anyway… It would be bad, but him beating the crap out of a miscreant would be funny. XD Thanks! Aw, I'm glad! Exactly! Zoro, god of war and wine! And yeah, Sanji would fail as a devil… XP

Blue Haven: Yes, aren't they cute? XD Well, Zoro can't have being weak in any form! I love it, too! Squee! SHE scares you? You're the one saying she could just weigh down their bodies… XP Though I suppose that COULD work… Thanks!!!

Xx-Brat-xX: Yes, I'm afraid it is. Um… I have no idea what to write about, sorry! If I could keep it going forever I would but alas! Other projects call my name. Aw, thanks!!!

Faced with the onslaught of marines, Sanji and Zoro lost all trace of individualism. And in that moment, they really were one single being with one solitary thought: win.

The body fell into a crouch before swinging into a long, sweeping kick that knocked down several enemies, one blade trailing behind, slashing across those the leg missed. The second its foot returned to earth it launched into the thickest knot of enemies, blades mere glints of light as they spun expertly into necks and torsos. One marine managed to block those deadly lengths of steel with his own sword, but an upward kick sent him flying while their blades were still ringing with the sound of impact. While its leg was still vertical, it blocked several others with quick movements of its wrists and arms and kicked them down with a fluid movement. It hopped backward, flipping over some weapons, and landed, katana flying. Marine after marine fell.

After several minutes the body straightened to survey the damage, and its eyes, a curious blue-green, landed on its captain, who was watching with sparkling eyes and gaping jaw.

"That was so COOL! You guys should stay like that forever!"

"Like hell!" it yelled as both a foot and hand crashed into him.

A/N: This would look so awesome animated. Pronoun fail, I know. XP And Luffy there at the end was just an afterthought.

Number Two: Misplaced Sanji (Version A)

Suggested by Majin Hentai X, Asura, Sora Tayuya (sort of), maybe some others, I searched the reviews to make sure I didn't miss anyone, but I may have failed

Zoro's eyebrow was twitching. His eyebrow was twitching because it was swirly and the only one visible, and it was over an eye that was watching his body emerge from the galley carrying a tray of fruity cocktails.

He supposed he should be happy that the cook was, in fact, not dead after their horrifying experience the day before, but it's hard to be relieved while watching one's body twirl across the deck towards Nami, somehow managing to balance the tray even while noodling.

"Nami-swaan!" his voice cooed, sounding ridiculous with Sanji's customary lilt and Zoro's gruff pitch. "I have a drink for you!"

Zoro did have a moment of amusement over Nami's shocked face at seeing Zoro acting so mushy (none of the crew was used to it yet). The amusement turned to gut-busting laughter as Sanji, not yet accustomed to Zoro's body's balance, stumbled on the swaying deck and sent drinks everywhere, mostly onto the navigator.

He was then torn between thinking the whole thing was hilarious or pathetic, as he watched his body stutter out prolific apologies while cowering from the outraged Nami, who berated Sanji loudly about her expensive outfit's new dye. But soon he found himself humiliated by his body's behavior.

So he got up lazily (stumbling a bit on Sanji's lankier limbs) and walked over to the outraged girl. He grabbed one of her flailing fists in his hand and held it tight, halting her.

"San-" She cut herself off short, remembering who she was really looking at now. "Zoro. What are you doing!?!"

WHAM!!! He slammed down onto the deck, his balance for the kick completely screwed up from Zoro's body. Zoro stared down at himself and sighed.

"Don't do that if you're just going to land me flat on my ass."

"Your body weighs a freaking TON!" Sanji griped as he got back to his feet. "How you move at all is beyond me."

"Well, your body would get blown away in a little wind."

"At least it doesn't have shitty green hair!"

"At least mine doesn't have a stupid swirly eyebrow!"

Zoro's body attempted a kick that came flying at Zoro's midsection. He quickly unsheathed one of his swords and blocked, but the different balance and decreased arm strength almost sent him falling on Sanji's butt. Meanwhile, Sanji grunted and fell back, favoring the leg he had kicked with. Zoro eyed him wearily.

"What'd you just do to my leg?"

"I just pulled a muscle… or three."

"Asshole."

Sanji gritted Zoro's teeth and tried for something else; punching. Of course, he'd never punched someone before, so it was poorly executed and sent him tumbling. Zoro attempted to hit him with the back of his sword blade but overbalanced himself and spun around, landing hard enough on his shoulder that the "pop" was audible.

"Watch it, shithead!" yelled Sanji angrily, getting back to Zoro's feet. He stomped forward, limping slightly, and Zoro swung one of Sanji's legs, catching his own feet and sending his body falling flat on his face.

At that point, as they were rolling around in a flailing mass on the ground, Nami got up and punched them both. "Knock it off, you two!"

"Yes, Nami-swaaan, my love!" Sanji cooed, somehow managing to noodle in Zoro's body. Zoro simply sighed and willed the ship to move faster. He wanted to find that stupid kid and get back in his body so he could erase all the mental images and things could go back to normal.

"You're such a ladies man, Zoro," Usopp snickered, coming up beside him and watching the spectacle.

A swift kick sent him flying into the mast, and Zoro found it oddly satisfying. Maybe he could stand it for just a little while longer…

Sanji groaned and opened his eyes slowly, before snapping them shut again. The sunlight was so blinding… Carefully, he squinted, then blinked rapidly until they could come completely open with burning so much.

That was when he noticed that he could see out of both eyes, no fringe was covering the left.

He sat up ramrod straight and grabbed for his bangs to pull them down. Last thing he needed was someone seeing his other eyebrow.

But after a moment of searching he found nothing. Not a single strand of hair on his forehead.

His immediate thought was, Shit, I've gone bald.

A quick feel of the top of his head dispelled his panic. He was not bald, his hair was simply very short. Marimo short, if he had to put a name to the length.

Speaking of things that were like the marimo…

He pulled his hands down and his two visible eyes nearly bugged out of his head. These were not his hands. They were too tan, too callused, the fingers more like lumpy sausages than his slender appendages…

With dread filling his heart he looked slowly down at his waist and legs, his eyes trailing over the white shirt and green haramaki to the black pants and boots.

Well shit, I'm the marimo.

Talk about nightmares. This was worse than anything that had ever happened to him, in Sanji's opinion.

Then the events of the last half hour flooded back to him, and he sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. At least I didn't drown, I guess.

Or had he? His head jerked up at the thought, looking out toward the sea. The Merry was there in the distance, being left behind… He couldn't see on it, though.

That bastard better not be dead.

"Roronoa, aha," said a sudden voice, and he looked up to see Touchstone. "Fetch me a drink, will you, aha?"

Here, Sanji had a few options. He could be subtle and not let them know that Zoro was no longer a mindless zombie. Or he could take over the ship by force and get back to the crew that way.

WHAM!

Well, he never was one for subtlety.

Touchstone was immediately floored by the impact of Wado's hilt with his manhood. Sanji got to Zoro's feet and kicked him with a ghost of his normal kicks, sending him crashing to the deck.

"Take me back to my nakama," he ordered, his voice low and dangerous.

"R-r-roronoa, aha," he gasped out, the "aha" much more high pitched than normal. "Back in your body, I see, aha."

"Like hell. If he was back, then you'd be dead right now. But I don't know how to use these overgrown knives of his, lucky for you."

The kid with the creepy smile stepped forward, looking suspicious. Sanji didn't even let him say "Soul" once before he'd jumped on him, slamming him into the planks. "Don't even think about it, shit-kid."

"HEY, MORON, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE!?!"

Sanji turned to glare up at Thalia. Of course, the sight of the woman made his heart jump erratically, but he had no time for that at the moment. Apparently his glare in Zoro's body was enough to intimidate her, though, because she backed off with a squeak, as did most of the other bounty hunters watching the scene.

"Now, shitty-aha, take me back to my ship!" he commanded, pointing a sword at him for emphasis.

It was scary enough that Touchstone forgot Sanji's earlier comment about not knowing how to use them and he jumped to do his bidding, ordering the crew to turn the ship around. Sanji nodded in satisfaction and got up off the kid, eyeing him closely.

"No funny business."

"No sir," said the boy, his smile looking somewhat strained in fear.

"Oh, and by the way…" Sanji turned around and grabbed Touchstone by the collar of his shirt. "This is for calling me weak, bastard." And then he set him back down and punched him hard in the gut, then kicked him again as he fell.

"That kick would have been much better back in my own body," he said remorsefully, then turned back to watch the Merry grow closer.

…

The Strawhat crew was shocked from their sorrowful stupor at the shock of the bounty hunters' ship returning. Luffy ran to his seat on the figurehead to watch while the others crowded the railing around him.

"Why are they coming back?" asked Usopp, tears still rolling down his face.

"Who cares? I'm gonna kick all their asses!" Luffy declared angrily.

"Is that Swordsman-san?" said Robin suddenly, pointing at the prow of the other ship.

Zoro didn't answer, as he was too busy staring at his own body waving and shouting something that couldn't make it over the expanse of ocean. But as they neared he made out the words.

"…bringing back your body now, shitty marimo, and you better still be alive and have mine in good shape or I'm chasing your soul to hell and beating the shit out of you!"

Zoro cupped Sanji's hands around his mouth and shouted back, with a quaver in his voice that was not relief, "What the hell are you doing in my body, asshole? You better not do anything stupid with it!"

They continued to shout insults across the water at each other, the others breaking into relieved laughter mixed with happy tears until the other ship drew up close to the Merry. The smiling kid flew over the railing and landed hard on the deck, followed by Sanji who, unused to Zoro's body, overbalanced and fell on his face. "Top heavy bastard," he complained, getting back up.

"So you're still alive after all, ero-cook?"

"Yeah, and in your stupid body. Can we fix that, please?"

Zoro smirked, a smirk that sent a secret message to Sanji. Sanji gave him one back, one that said the same thing. "Yeah, sure."

Two feet impatiently prodded the boy on the deck, and he sighed in defeat and sat up, still smiling, if a bit flatly. "Soul Extraction…"

A/N: If Sanji had ended up in Zoro's body after he "died," this is basically what would have happened. Only, knowing me, with more sap in extended form.

Number Four: Asura!Sanji

Suggested by Blue Haven

Zoro stared at Captain Chism. He was strong, making Zoro exert himself more than usual. Or maybe that was just because of Sanji's body. Either way.

Suddenly a strong energy began to flow into him, one that he had felt before. A dark aura started to surround Sanji's body.

Wh-what the hell is going on!?! said cook demanded, freaking.

Relax; this always makes me more powerful.

Sanji stopped protesting and waited, curious.

And that was when things got weird.

Like when it had happened to Zoro before, Sanji suddenly had three heads. But instead of getting more arms to hold swords with, he got more legs. Four more, to be exact.

Sanji was is control while Zoro was trying to figure out what was going on, and while neither of them really knew what was happening he had kicked Chism with all six legs, sending him flying.

Sanji had meant for his foot to ignite, but instead his arms had. Zoro was suddenly back in control, trying to get the flames to go out.

Bastard cook, are you trying to… hey, it doesn't hurt!

Of course it doesn't.

Zoro took out several enemies with his now flaming swords. You know, this would have been useful back on Little Garden while I was fighting that candle guy.

Candle guy? What candle guy?

Oh I forgot. You were completely useless on that island.

Sanji made a mental note to show Zoro just how useless he was once he was back in his body.

A/N: I HATE the people who kept commenting on how useless Sanji was on Little Garden. It was important that he not be seen by Baroque Works and get an eternal pose, darn you people! So what if he's a little ADD when there's tea involved? If it had been Luffy and meat the same thing would have happened! *fume*

Number Six: Death of a Swordsman

We're gonna die…

We are… no air to swim, damn it!

…Oi, shit-cook.

…What?

The one in control dies, right?

Yeah…

Sanji felt the force on his consciousness. Let me take over.

What?

I'll die.

…No.

What do you mean, no?

No, Zoro. They need you more than they need me, so you go back and I'll-

Shut the hell up right now! You're the cook! What would the crew do without you cooking for them?

You protect them, so you should-

I'm protecting one right now, damn it!

The darkness was closing in quickly, and Sanji found it and Zoro hard to fight off at the same time. It was with shock that he found himself relinquishing to the swordsman.

Bastard! What about the girl? The one you promised? You better not break her promise, shithead!

The silence was long enough that Sanji thought he had him.

…I don't think she would mind, if it ended like this.

NO! Zoro, don't you dare die, you marimo bastard!

Tell Luffy sorry, I lost.

You… Zoro, no, don't-

I'm…

Zoro! Things were swirling around his head. He felt heavy, water still pouring ceaselessly into his lungs.

Zoro wasn't surprised that Sanji's dreams started out with countless girls in bikinis. What he didn't expect was that it would have a main focus on Robin, or that she would, in fact, not be in a bikini.

She was in a sundress.

And before he really knew what was happening, all the girls had disappeared and been replaced with several children. Several raven haired, curly eyebrowed children.

Zoro wasn't sure who woke them up at that point. Maybe it was Sanji, embarrassed at the direction his dream had taken, or maybe it was Zoro, mentally screaming, What the hell!?!

Sanji didn't say anything, turning in his hammock to stare at the cabin wall.

Were you just dreaming… of being married… to Robin?

…Yeah.

Zoro found himself curious, and the cook uncomfortable, so he decided to keep asking questions. So how often do you dream about her?

Sanji attempted to reply that he rarely did, but his brain gave him away with enough dream memories to fill Luffy's stomach.

Wow… you've got it bad. And here I thought you were in love with the witch woman.

She is not a witch!

Avoiding my question…

Does it matter? It's not like anything's going to happen.

So you don't plan on talking to her about it?

Are you crazy!?! I'm like a kid to her!

Well, you'll never know unless you tell her.

Like hell, marimo. He sighed. I'm doomed to worship her from afar.

Zoro mentally snorted. From afar? You fling yourself at her feet constantly.

You know that's not what I meant!

Tch. Touchy, aren't we?

Shut up. Besides… I'm content with just being her nakama. We all have dreams anyway, right? So if I can help her achieve that… that's enough.

…You are such a sap.

Shithead! Just because you don't have a romantic bone in your body… You won't tell her, will you?

No, I won't.

Good. He yawned. Go back to sleep, marimo.

You're telling me…

So they did.

A/N: This is a scene that I had planned back when this was SanRob. I cut it when I decided that I didn't want any pairings, and now I like SaNa and Frobin better anyway. But Sanji's little nakama thing there is so sweet! *huggles*

Number Eight: Retrieving Sanji

After Sanji's death, Zoro had a strange dream…

Zoro looked around in confusion. He was standing in pitch black nothingness, cold as the artic. He felt weightless, like he wasn't solid, but just a gas floating through the air. Soon he would fade away, to join the nothing…

He shook the strange thought off and took a few steps forward. He could just faintly feel the pull of his muscles as he walked, but that was reassurance enough that he still existed.

There was a light ahead of him, but when he took a step forward an invisible force repelled him, and a feeling told him that he was not allowed to enter the light. Frustrated, he turned away from it and found, to his surprise, a young boy sitting a few feet away from him, his back turned to Zoro. He was crying, apparently, little snivels coming from his direction.

Instinctively Zoro walked over to the boy and put a hand on his shoulder. "Oi," he said, his voice rougher than he intended.

The boy looked up at him with a start, eyes wide and fearful. For a second, boy and swordsman stared at each other blankly.

Then both yelped in surprise.

"Z-zoro!?!"

"S-sanji!?!"

For it was him, nine or ten years earlier than Zoro was used to, but there was no mistaking that swirly eyebrow, that blonde fringe, the stubborn glint in his eye even though it still had tears leaking from it.

For a moment Sanji could only stare dumbly. Then he wiped his face with his sleeve self-consciously before glaring at Zoro. "What are you doing here, shitty swordsman. Finally get yourself killed?"

"I don't know," Zoro admitted. "I just fell asleep, and then I was here." He looked around, though there was nothing to see. "Where are we, anyway?"

"I wish I knew," said Sanji, with a little hitch in his voice. "I feel like I'm supposed to be heading into that light," he jerked a thumb in the direction of the light Zoro had tried to enter, "but I can't get there. Something keeps pulling me back."

"Why are you a little kid?"

He bristled at that. "I wish I knew. Sometimes I'm my real age, sometimes I'm a kid, for awhile I was an old man…" He sighed, rubbing his temple, and Zoro found it hard to believe that this was really the man he fought with on a daily basis. He looked so much like a lost little boy, especially since he was still sniveling just a bit.

"You think that light goes to some kind of afterlife?" he suggested.

"Maybe. But then why am I still here?" He looked away, into the distance to his left. "My other theory was that that was heaven, but I landed in hell."

Zoro didn't like the despair in his eyes. But this time there was no enemy to defeat to make it go away. "Isn't hell supposed to be… hot?"

"Some say it's cold as ice," he answered, and Zoro shivered in the cold involuntarily.

"I don't think this is hell, Sanji. After all, I'm not dead."

"It feels like hell," he muttered, then blinked like he hadn't meant to. He screwed up his eye and clamped his lips tight together, his hands balling into a fist, and now he really did fit the part of lost little boy.

"Sanji?" Zoro ventured, his voice more of a croak than a question.

The mini-cook turned his head so that his bangs hid his face, his shoulders shaking wildly, but not from the cold. "I'm so… there's no one here, Zoro. Sometimes I think I hear voices, but there's never anyone. So many times…" He gulped, trying to swallow the quake in his voice. "So many times I'll think I see Luffy or Nami-san or Usopp, or even the shit-geezer… but then I run closer, and it's just my own imagination working on the darkness." A stifled noise ripped through his throat on the last word, and he forced it back. "And now you're here… and you're probably just going to disappear, too, aren't you?" This last bit sounded angry, not in the I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass-shithead kind of way, but in a despairing kind of way that tripled the guilt Zoro felt.

Hmm. What to do when your biggest rival, who you thought was dead, was suddenly a little kid, crying in front of you, and you weren't even sure if anything was real?

Hesitantly, Zoro closed the gap between them, and reached out, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I don't think so," he answered slowly, and Sanji's head jerked up to look at him. For a second they stared at each other, and then Zoro added, "The crew misses you, Sanji. The whole crew. And I refuse to see them sad anymore."

Sanji gritted his teeth, making him look marginally older and more like himself. "And what do you plan to do about it?"

Good question. Zoro considered, then shrugged and picked Sanji up like a potato sack.

"What are you-Put me down, shithead!!!"

"Shut up. I'm carrying you out of… wherever this is."

"You can't just carry people out of hell!"

Zoro didn't answer, ignoring Sanji's protests and the little fists that beat on his back, only taking a little interest in the swinging feet, because even as a kid they would smart if they made contact. Turning away from the light he started walking, Sanji slung over his shoulder.

He moved in the opposite direction from the light, and for once he didn't get lost, perhaps because there was nowhere to get lost to. After awhile Sanji gave up and hung there, limply. Zoro noticed his legs growing longer until he was almost normal size, at which point Zoro put him down.

"You grew up."

"Obviously." Sanji looked back at the light and shuddered involuntarily. "It's not any farther away."

"It isn't?" Zoro looked back, then his brow furrowed in confusion. "But I can't even see it anymore."

Sanji blinked in confusion. "Wh-what?" He looked between Zoro and where the light had been, then took a step back. "How can you not? It's getting closer."

"It is?" Zoro squinted, but still couldn't see a thing.

Sanji's eye grew wide, and he staggered backward, tripping uncharacteristically over his own feet and hitting the invisible floor. "It's coming!"

Zoro grew concerned, instinctively unsheathing his sword just a bit (not even wondering how they had suddenly returned to him). "Sanji, I don't see any-"

He stopped abruptly as Sanji froze, not even breathing. He straightened out and, rigid as a board, rose into the air, then started floating forward, past Zoro, like a flying corpse.

Zoro couldn't see the light, but apparently it had Sanji. He unsheathed Wado fully and jumped forward, hoping for some hint of his invisible enemy. "Like hell!" he roared at the darkness. "I didn't come all this way to lose now!"

Something shiny became visible, wrapped around Sanji's body like a snake. It was reaching from the depths, tugging him away.

Zoro shot forward, sword swinging, and tried to cut through the light. But it wasn't solid, for all the hold it had on the cook, and his blade passed through harmlessly.

The swordsman took several deep breaths and closed his eyes. That meditation you mocked is about to save your shitty ass.

He swung again, and this time he cut nothing.

Sanji, suddenly free from his bonds, fell to the floor, the disconnected light writhing as though in agony before slowly fading away. Sanji was still silent and still but, he noticed, still breathing ever so slightly.

Zoro picked him up and started to carry him away from where the light had been. This time a new light engulfed them, one that was warm and smelled of sea salt.

"See? It wasn't hell. …Still asleep? You better appreciate all this carrying later."

A/N: This is the original scene I was going to have for Zoro saving Sanji. I still like it, but I kind of like the one in story better. Less sappy, and yet more sappy at the same time. O.O

Number Nine: Vacancy

Suggested by ZeldaAddict42

No matter how many times he saw it, Usopp would never get used to it.

Sanji would be arguing with Zoro about something. On the outside, he seemed to simply stand there, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists, occasionally tapping his foot on the deck in anger. He would be staring into space, focused on an opponent who wasn't in front of him.

But even weirder was when Zoro and Sanji would fight over control of the body. Sanji would suddenly stiffen, and then sag a little, as though his body had no particular reason to be standing. Sanji's eyelid would half close, while his eye itself would wander lazily in a random direction. Usually he was a bit slack-jawed, and once they fought for so long that a bit of drool dribbled onto his lip.

It all made Sanji looked very undignified, and Usopp couldn't help but stare. But he would always look away the second one of them won the fight, because if Sanji caught him gawking, there would be hell to pay.

And Usopp liked life, thank you very much.

A/N: Because ZeldaAddict42 said, "I wonder what Sanji looks like when they're fighting for control," and I thought, "Good question." So there's the answer. ^^

Number Ten: Sense of Direction

Suggested by Asura

The blue light was rather irritated with the green light, and it was pretty obvious why.

The green light had circled the room four times, gone down both hallways (one more than once), returned to Sanji's prostrate body twice, and still wasn't back in his body.

Finally the blue light managed to change its shape until it was an arrow, pointing at the swordsman's body.

The green light seemed to look from the blue light to the body and back again. After a moment it followed the arrow…

…and kept going through the wall.

The blue light seemed to sigh and finally physically led the green light to its body. The green light seemed to be a bit annoyed before finally lowering inside.

Well, now that that was done, the blue light could return to its body.

…Where was it, again?

A/N: Once a directionless marimo, always a directionless marimo. XP

Number Eleven: Nami's Promise

Suggested by Abra Cadaverous

Another port, another docking. It looked like everyone was going out to eat tonight, except Robin, who was watching the ship. Sanji had just finished making a meal for her and was debating whether to go out for himself or just stay and make something when he heard the galley door lightly open and close.

He looked over his shoulder and saw, to his shock, Nami standing there, wearing a t-shirt and a very short skirt, smiling at him. The scent of oranges floated to his nose and almost set him drooling.

"Nami-san!" he cooed, twirling to face her fully. "What brings you to the kitchen? I thought you were going out to eat like the others!"

"I am," she said softly, and the unfamiliar lilt to her voice sent shivers up and down his spine. "And you're coming with me."

Sanji was sure he must have misheard her. "Nami-san?"

She crossed to room to him, reaching up and looping two fingers through his tie. She tugged his face down and lightly kissed his lips.

"I promised you a date, didn't I?" she asked when she released him.

He came close to melting into a puddle on the floor. "Well, yeah, but…"

"You didn't think I forgot?"

"I would never think such a thing of you, Nami-san!"

She smiled, running her hand down the length of his tie. "Then get your jacket and come on." She turned on her heel and started walking off, hips swaying as she did.

"Oh, mellorine!" he gasped as he jumped to follow her.

A/N: Sorry it's probably not as much SaNa as you wanted, Abra, but some's better than none. XD

Number Twelve: Animalistic

Suggested by Asura

Well, this was certainly interesting.

Zoro did an experimental scuttle to the left across the railing. Then he went to the right.

Really annoying, actually.

He wiggled his eye stalks and wondered how exactly he was supposed to become the world's greatest swordsman with pinchers. After all, he couldn't hold a sword with claws.

Ugh. That stupid crab just had to be hitching a ride on their ship, didn't it?

"Hey, a crab," said Sanji suddenly, looking down at him. He reached forward as though to snatch it up.

Zoro pinched his finger. "Like hell you're cooking me, asshole!" was what he meant to say, but that was impossible with only a crab mouth.

Still, the cook's curse followed by his sucking of the offended finger was priceless.

"Why, you little-" Sanji made the mistake of bending to bellow at the crab, and Zoro leapt and pinched onto his nose, holding on with all this strength.

Sanji yelped and tried to get him on, but Zoro held with a death grip.

"Shiddy cwab! I'ma gonna boi'ble you in o'ble!!!"

"I'd like to see you try, dartboard!" he snapped back, though Sanji didn't understand (or hear), of course.

Sanji's hand wrapped around him and yanked him off his nose, then leaned back as though to hurl him into the sea.

"He certainly acts like the marimo," Sanji conceded, lowering the crab to look at him.

The crab seemed to scowl, and Sanji scowled back.

"I think I read something about this," said Robin. "Bring Swordsman-san into the galley, Cook-san, please, and I'll look for the book."

"And don't eat him!" added Nami, to Luffy as much as Sanji.

"Tch." Sanji rolled his eyes and took him into the galley. "Act up and we're having crab legs tonight."

A/N: I know you said seagull, Asura, but the crab idea hit me and I couldn't resist. ^^

Lucky Number Thirteen: The Alternate Ending

I'm leaving the set-up of this one to your imagination. *lazy* This is happening on the island where the bounty hunters took Zoro, same day he gets back in his body.

Tashigi stared out at port, anxious for Captain Smoker to return. Who would've imagined that the Strawhats were here, now? She needed their captain to get back from the base and decide their next move.

Oh, look, there he was… wearing a straw hat?

"Captain Smoker!" She ran down the gangplank and joined him, looking frantic. "Did you realize the Strawhats were here? And why are you wearing that?"

The captain sighed, cigar smoke blowing everywhere. "Well, he was chasing this little kid with a creepy smile when I saw him. I tried to stop them both, but then the kid said something about a soul, and when I woke up again, his body and the kid were gone."

"We have to find that kid!" Tashigi realized.

"I'd say we did."

"Sir?"

Before Smoker could say anything more, a sudden gust of wind blew off the straw hat.

Smoker's eyes flashed from gray to red and he yelled worriedly, "Hat!" He punched at the air, and his fist turned to smoke, shooting up around the hat. "Aah! That's not what I wanted to happen!"

"S-sir?"

Smoker ignored her, running after the hat, his hand still made of smoke. "Darn it, how am I supposed to grab anything like this? HAT!!!" Then he skidded to a halt. "Just do this, you idiot." The smoke hand swirled around the hat and dragged it back to Smoker, whose arm became solid. He placed it back on his head and cheered aloud, "Hey, thanks, Smokey!"

Tashigi was completely freaked out now. "S-sir?" she ventured slowly.

Smoker turned to her, looking annoyed with the entire situation. "As you can see, I have to find that kid if I want this moronic pirate out of my mind. So come on." Eyes flashed to red. "But I'm huuungry! Can't we eat first?" Eyes flashed to gray. "No! There's no time for that!" He stared to walk into the city, then turned around and came back. "Actually, some steak sounds really good right now…"

Tashigi sighed. Well, they had warned her that the Grand Line was a weird place…

A/N: Poor Smoker… XD

A/N: Well, there they are! I hope you enjoyed these! I had SO MUCH FUN with this entire project, and you guys made it extra special!! And thanks for pushing me over 200 reviews!!! It's so awesome!! *parties*

Well, now that it's done, I suppose I'll be leaving now. Huge thanks again for reading!!!!!!!