This Little Old Lady Was Trying To Rent A Aparment. She Just Had One Problem. She Had Two Pets: A Jackass Donkey And A Pussy Cat.After Haggling With A Landlord He Lets Her Move In. Over The Next Couple Of Weeks The Donkey Kept Eating All The Grass In The Complex And The Cat Kept Knocking Over Plants.The Lanlord, Finally Upset With The Little Old Lady For Not Controling Her Pets Told Her “The Next Time The Donkey Eats Any Of The Grass I’M Kicking It’S Ass Out In The Road, And If That Cat Knock Over Any More Plants I Will Rip All The Hair Out Of It”.Well The Lanlord Finally Carried Out His Words And The Little Old Lady Took Her Lanlord To Court. The Judge Looks At The Little Old Lady And Asked “What Exactaly Did Your Lanlord Do To You?”To Which She Replied, “For Starters, He Ripped All The Hair Out Of My Pussy And Kicked My Ass Out Into The Road”

At Dinner Little Jhonny Was Ordered To Lead In Prayer.
Little Jhonny: “But I Dont Know How To Pray?”
Dad: “Just Pray For Your Family Members, Friends And Neighbours, The Poor, Etc”
Little Jhonny Started The Prayer:
Dear Lord, Thank You For Our Visitors And Their Children, Who Finished All My Cookies And Ice Cream. Bless Them So They Wont Come Again.
Forgive Our Neighbor’S Son, Who Removed My Sister’S Clothes And Wrestled With Her On Her Bed.
This Coming Christmas, Please Send Clothes To All Those Poor Naked Ladies On My Daddy’S Iphone
And Provide Shelter For The Homeless Men Who Use Mom’S Room When Daddy Is At Work.
Amen
Dinner Was Cancelled

A Mother Had 3 Virgin Daughters.
They Were All Getting Married
Within
A Short Time Period. Mom Was A
Bit
Worried About How Their Sex Life
Would Get Started, So She Took A
Promise From Them That They Will
Send A Postcard From The
Honeymoon
With A Few
Words On How Marital Sex Felt.
The First Girl Sent A Card From
Kashmir Two Days After The
Wedding.
The Card Said Nothing But
“Nescafe”!
Mom Was Puzzled At First, But Then
Went To Her Kitchen And Got Out
The
Nescafe Jar.
* It Said: “Good Till The Last Drop”.*
Mom Blushed, But Was Pleased For
Her Daughter.
The Second Girl Sent The Card From
Shimla A Week After The
Wedding,And
The Card Read: “Gold Flake”.
Mom Now Knew To Go Straight To
Her
Husband’S Cigarettes, And She
Read
From The Pack:
*”Extra Long. King Size”*
She Was Again Slightly Embarrassed
But Still Happy For Her Daughter.
The Third Girl Left For Her
Honeymoon
In Goa.
Mom Waited For A Week, Nothing.
Another Week Went By And Still
Nothing.
Then After A Whole Month, A Card
Finally Arrived.
Written On It With Shaky Handwriting
Were The Words “Indian Airlines”
Mom Took Out Her Latest India
Today
Magazine, Flipped Through The
Pages
Fearing The Worst, And Finally Found
The Ad For Indian Airlines?.
The Ad Said: *”Ten Times A Day,
Seven
Days A Week, Both Ways.”*

A Husband And His Wife Had A Bitter Quarrel On The Day Of Their 40Th Wedding Anniversary. The Husband Yells, “When You Die, I’M Getting You A Headstone That Reads, Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.” Yeah She Replies, “When You Die, I’M Getting You A Headstone That Reads, Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last!”

A Man Was Having Problems With Premature Ejaculation So Hedecided To Go To The Doctor. He Asked The Doctor What Could He Do To Cure His Problem… In Response The Doctor Said, “When You Feel Like You Are Getting Ready To Ejaculate Try Startling Yourself”. That Same Day The Man Went To The Store And Bought Himself Astarter Pistol. All Excited To Try This Suggestion Out He Runs Home Tohis Wife. At Home His Wife Is In Bed, Naked And Waiting On Her Husband. Asthe Two Begin, They Find Themselves In The ’69’ Position. The Man,Moments Later, Feels The Sudden Urge To Come And Fires The Starter Pistol. The Next Day, The Man Went Back To The Doctor. The Doctor Asked, “How Did It Go?”. The Man Answered, “Not That Well…When I Fired The Pistol My Wife Shit On My Face, Bit 3 Inches Off My Penis And My Neighborcame Out Of The Closet With His Hands In The Air!”