Friday, November 8, 2013

While it’s true that new technology has created an Army of Davids empowered to beat Big Media and Big Government, never misunderestimate the power of OUR Army of Pinnocchios: the little people who are willing to go out there every day and lie for you. They are, by far, our unsung heroes; the hardest working people in Big Media and Big Government.

In a show of gratitude Barry himself went on TV last night with Chuck Todd to acknowledge their efforts.

After this week’s polling showed that nobody was buying the big lie, or the lie about the big lie, the Big Brains decided there was nothing left other than the hollow apology, so last night Big Guy finally apologized for welching on the promise he made publically at least 36 times before saying that he didn’t really say what he said. (“Welching” – how did that slip past my “lexicon of political correctness” I wonder?)

But the distortions and broken promises have now become so frequent that many at home and abroad are finally tuning out the president. Almost nothing promised about the Affordable Care Act is proving true. Contrary to presidential assurances, Obamacare has not lowered premiums or deductibles. It will not reduce the deficit or improve business competitiveness. It really will alter existing health plans and in some cases lead to their cancellation. Signing up is certainly not as easy as buying something online on Amazon..

Pretty soon.

Anyway, like I said, I hope the team got the memo. Because poor little Debbie is getting so tongue-tied trying to defend the indefensible that people are beginning to make fun of her. I know – hard to imagine, butt they are. It’s almost crossed over the line into outright bullying.

Here’s DWS’s latest attempt to explain that neither she nor BO misled anyone about Obamacare. Unfortunately, as you’ll see at 1:09, either TOTUS pulled a little trick on her, or she needs to get a new prescription – for her contact lenses, I mean.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

Boy, you’d think that one of the smartest women in America wouldn’t be so easily “mizzled” (pronounced, according to Ms.DWS, “mizz-uld”) by a simple word like “misled” on the teleprompter. Especially since it was in the context of explaining how neither she nor Barry, well, you know…misled the American people. And man, it’s not even one of those $100 words like “corpsman.”

Anyhoo, that seemed to open the Alinsky-on-the-Right-gates. For example, look at this comment from John Holliday on YouTube:

First, BS-NBC gives her the questions and the answers. Then they obama* her responses for her and she still can’t get them right. What a clown.

*to “obama” –verb- put answers on a teleprompter because you’re too stupid to think for yourself.

You know, that’s just mean. And besides, TOTUS now spells out all the tough words like “misled” phonetically – hmmm; you don’t suppose that’s what they did for Little Debbie do you? “Mizz–led” – only with the em-fa-sis on the wrong sil-ah-bull?

Anyway regarding Little Debbie’s repetitious “at the end of the day” remark: not only has this been on Greg Gutfeld’s “banned phrase” list for over a year, butt – and again, I’m quoting a commenter - “this is the end of the day, and we’re all f***ed.”

So okay, remind me again: which one of these women is the dumb one?

“The Democrats promise that a government health care system will reduce the cost of health care, but as the economist Thomas Sowell has pointed out, government health care will not reduce the cost; it will simply refuse to pay the cost. And who will suffer the most when they ration care? The sick, the elderly, and the disabled, of course. The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” - Sarah Palin without a teleprompter

“At the end of the day, uh, uh, Americans were, were, were not, not only not mild, myzeld by the president, the overwhelming majority of Americans are already insured.” Debbie Wasserman Schultz – DNC Chairwoman, with teleprompter

In fairness to Ms.DWS, all that spinning probably does makes you a little dizzy, which makes it harder to read (read “reed” not “red” – see how tricky this can get?). From where I sit, it sounds like the whole team is feeling a little let down, and mizzled. Do you know what we need about now? We need a little team spirit!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Kitty dropped by to chat about Obamacare and they immediately started bringing up embarrassing issues about Healthcare.gov like those “ginormoussecurity holes”

Navigators needed: Apply Today!

and the “mini-ormously small number of people actually enrolling in Obamacare.

Butt we’re counting every one of them!

At least they weren’t talking about Big Guy’s “little white mis-misrememberings,” so I think we’re making progress.

And did you see how smoothly Kitty denied knowing anything about the big old security black holes in Healthcare.gov. Even though we now have documented proof that we knew about them since last April.

Kitty wore her lucky eagle pin for the hearings. It didn’t help that it looked like it was laying a big old egg.

It sure is a lot easier to fearlessly testify any which way you want in front of our lapdog controlled Senate. Unlike the enemy held House, the Senate didn’t put us under oath and make us swear tell the truth. That little bit of theatrics always casts a shadow over things. And if you don’t believe me, ask Martha if it’s a good idea to lie to the Feds:

So, let’s table the "alleged “security holes” for now and talk about our grand enrollment initiative. Almost no-bod-y is signing up for Obamacare, and the few who are signing up are choosing the “absolutely free!” Medicaid option. Needless to say, this isn’t putting anymore green in our big tax machine - if you know what I mean. Seriously, how were we supposed to know that all the young people that we were counting on to make this sucker system work were unemployed and eligible for subsidies and Medicaid?

Thanks, Obamacare!

You’re welcome! I love you back!

So, we are launching a new initiative, the “Sign-Up Challenge” (SUC) to find those 30-40 million people we said were champing at the bit to buy Obamacare plans, and get them registered to vote as good Democrats enrolled in a quality, affordable, Obamacare plan.

Kitty described for the Senate panel the results of our SUC effort so far:

“Chairman Baucus, Ranking RINO Hatch; we found a family of 12 in Tijuana, who will be able to get quality health care insurance, for the first time, through our Medicaid option as soon as they sneak across the border. We are finding millions more throughout Mexico, Nicaragua, Guatemala and other Latin American states who will also be eligible for these benefits. As soon as they get here.

Some have expressed concerns regarding their ability to get safely across the border, and we are working closely with Homeland Security’s Border Patrol to ensure that they arrive safely, with adequate water, and are quickly directed to the nearest Obamacare navigator to facilitate their enrollment and voter registration.”*

So that should be helpful, all around.

Meanwhile, back at the Big White House, Lady M was busy celebrating one of our quintessentially American feasts: Diwali.

The Hindu festival of lights. Don’t tell Lady M though, she thinks it’s some sort of a Native American festival.

Although the Bollywood class in the East Room should have been a clue:

Oh…oh…oh no! I’m having…some sort of a malfunction:

Or worse yet, flashbacks:

I simply must get in for my regularly scheduled upgrades and security scans.

Please! Make it stop!

We’re all Injuns now!

*Legal Disclaimer: My Attorneys advise me that I must disclose that the “testimony” detailed in the preceding article is not actual testimony. I made it up.

Butt that’s all ancient history: today we’re putting boots on the ground in our continuing war to win back the hearts and minds of the American people in our ongoing war with the Republicans over Obamacare.

In order to further clarify the “ifs and butts” included in Barry’s “you can keep it” promise, the current battle plan includes using Michigan and Ohio RINO governors as props to shame Texas Governor Perry for not taking federal funds to expand its Medicaid program:

Obama will call on "folks in Texas to join conservative governors in other states, like Ohio and Michigan and Arizona, to put politics aside and not deny people healthcare out of ideology and politics."

Because Jay-Jay clearly needs a break. It looks like he’s getting burned out trying to defend the lie. In fact his body language is becoming so easy to read, even the MSM gets it:

If he’s sneering, he’s lying

Big Guy’s team has added another whole layer of nuance to Bubba’s fabled “parsing” skills. If these guys spent as much effort writing computer code as they do writing verbal code for Barry’s speeches we might have a functioning Healthcare.gov website by now.

Alternatively, if the Democrats committed to “honest leadership” had honestly bothered to read the bill in order to find out what was in the bill before they passed the bill;

they may have felt differently about Ted’s bill to defund Obamacare. Absent reading the fine print though, how were they to know that instead of insuring the currently uninsured, Obamacare is actually un-insuring the currently insured.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Due to election day responsibilities, I leave you to your own devices today. Not that you’ll have any trouble finding topics to discuss, butt I’ve assembled a few that I think are worthy of your further analysis:

1. The developing Obamacare credibility crisis.

3.5 million people received notice they can’t keep their healthcare plan, like it or not. And a new estimate says up to 129 million people will ultimately be cancelled. 129 million!?! That’s like…a third of us! That doesn’t sound like “a very small number” of people who will be impacted. That seems to be a pretty big mis-misunderestimate.

And then there’s this mis-misremembering on Big Guy’s part regarding what he said about you being able to keep your healthcare plan, period:

With the Obamacare website system imploding, Big Guy headed out to campaign for Terry McAuliffe to get his groove back. What can I say? Some men were born to lead, others were born to campaign for the home team.

“I love you, man.”

And speaking of the home team, BO welcomed the Chicago Blackhawks to the White House yesterday. No word on whether he recommended they change their name to the Chicago Blue Birds.

“I love you, man.”

3. The relative merits of “tight and low” vs. “roomy and comfortable” when working around the house.

Skinny and sexy

v.

baggy and, uh…baggy

Hoo-wee! We could definitely use a little bit of that old black magic back around here.

I better get back to work tomorrow to see if I can find any of it in the land of Obamanomalies.

(quantum mechanics) A failure of a classical symmetry due to quantum corrections.

Black holes are considered a classic anomaly:

Today I would like to suggest a new Wiktionary entry that I made up. I think it will go a long way towards addressing the current unsettled, disconcerted sentiments of many Americans:

obamanomoly (pluralobamanomalies)

A deviation from the truth or from what is regarded as true.

Something or someone that lies in strange or unusual ways.

(sciences) A lie about an event or measurement that is out of the ordinary

(astronomy) Distortions of various angular distances.

(biology) A lie that creates a defect or malformation.

(quantum mechanics) A lie which results in a failure of a classical symmetry due to quantum “corrections.”

As you can see, an obamanomoly is very much like an anomaly, only created from complete lies rather than someone’s - undoubtedly biased - idea of “normal.”

Today I’m going to explore the science behind obamanomalies and show how it explains the election of Obama and the subsequent implementation of Obamacare.

Stay with me, as this is going to get technical; butt I promise, there will be no math. For the usual reasons.

To begin our analysis we must first understand the concept of “singularity” which isn’t a whole lot easier than math:

A gravitational or spacetime singularity is a location where the quantities used to measure the gravitational field become infinite in a way that does not depend on the coordinate system. These quantities are the scalar invariant curvatures of spacetime, which includes a measure of the density of matter

See what I mean? Let me try to simplify:

The gravitational attraction becomes so strong that the velocity at which an object would have to move to escape the gravitational field equals the speed of light. Since the speed of light, according to Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, is the maximum possible speed, nothing, not even light, can escape the black hole once it enters the event horizon.

Or, in layman’s terms, it’s a big black hole that sucks everything in. As Einstein on Line puts it, rather poetically, I think:

“Unfortunately it is not so easy to give a precise meaning to what this means. In other physical theories, singularities are defined as some kind of "pathological behavior" that takes place on an orderly stage provided by space and time.” Concluding: “A spacetime singularity is said to occur wherever a freely falling particle suddenly pops out of existence!”

So that sounds encouraging.

Anyway, in order to analyze the creation of Obamanomalies, we’ll focus our attention on the singularities that are included in the “Event Horizon” that most interests us here: the Birth of Obama (BO). The BO singularity includes both the “natural” birth of Barry as well as the metaphysical birth of Barry - when he emerged from his chrysalis, seemingly out of nowhere, to run for President:

The pupa emerges from its chrysalis

The BO singularity occurred in the midst of the American political landscape exactly as the Big Bang Theory (also a singularity) invented the universe: with a lot of noise and accompanied by a huge sucking vortex. As predicted by Einstein’s theory of general relativity, the BO Event Horizon was infinitely dense and nothing could escape it’s gravitational pull. The MSM and LoFo voters were helplessly drawn into it's black hole.

Science can not accurately predict what will be found inside the black hole, but sensor readings confirm the Second Law of Thermodynamics prediction that it is unstable and moves rapidly from order to disorder (see “entropy” as well as “Healthcare.gov”).

Additionally, the addition of “obamanomalies” to the lexicon might even allow us to explain such seemingly unexplainable absurdities as the new requirement for men to have health insurance policies that include maternity benefits.

Unfortunately, due to an anomaly in the space time continuum, I’m afraid that’s all the time I have for today’s science lesson.