Column 8

Date: November 30 2012

''There was an item in Wednesday's Herald recalling that Vincent van Gogh cut off his right ear, with supposed supporting evidence of a copy of his self-portrait,'' writes Len Green, of Rose Bay. ''I am reliably informed that Vinnie cut off his left ear, but inadvertently (I presume) painted a mirror image whilst gazing at himself in the looking glass.'' The remarkable Dick Hughes, of Vaucluse, also saw the article and complains that the Herald did not tell the full story. ''He cut of the ear and sent it to a young lady in a desperate attempt to prove his deep love for her'' Dick tells us, ''but when she unwrapped the gift, all she could say was 'What's this ear?'''

''What about us, the Bad Grandmothers?'' asks Alice Sternhell, of Naremburn (Bad Mothers Conference, Heckler, Wednesday). ''At my bridge club (average age best left unstated) you can clearly see two categories of grandmothers: those who will play bridge at any time and those whose lives revolve around the needs of their grandchildren.''

The mathematically inclined Steve Genilove, of Lane Cove, has not been idle and has sent us what may well be the most peculiar calculation the year. ''Did you know, that for the first time in history, the cubic volume of the population of Egypt is the same as that of the three great pyramids of Giza?'' Steve asked us, and we were obliged to admit our ignorance of the matter. Steve elucidated: ''There are 87 million people in Egypt - average weight, say, 60 kilos, which approximates to 60 litres in volume. The entire population would fill a volume of 5.2 million cubic metres. Euclidean geometry tells us that the combined volume of the pyramids is - yes - 5.2 million cubic metres.'' Is Steve right? We don't know, but this is surely mathematics at its most audacious. Huzzah!

''The federal Liberal opposition,'' observes Randolph Magri-Overend, of North Gosford, ''must be the only organisation where a Bishop is outranked by an Abbott.''

''Some years ago, our library had to close its return-book chute due to the number of non-book items deposited,'' laments Sally James, of Russell Lea (Column 8, yesterday). ''I note that Gunnedah Library is actually encouraging this practice by throwing in sizzled sausages in its demonstration of how to use their new chute. I trust a few grease and tomato sauce stains on the books won't be a disincentive for prospective borrowers.'' This is indeed a concern, but by and large Saturday's grand opening of the book shute has generated much excitement among the readership.

Indeed, Jim Dewar, of North Gosford, was so inspired by Gunnedah's vision for the efficient recycling of tomes that he could only express his awe in verse:

Sausages send out their sizzling salute

To Gunnedah Library's book-return chute

Borrowers flock to the fine opening gala

To mix with the mayor and a cuddly koala

The Shire hopes the chute is as good as it looks

And prays that its opening accommodates books

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