The real stories from inside the F1 paddock

Thoughts in a traffic jam

It’s quiet in the F1 world at the moment, with all the sensible folk being in Barbados – or anywhere it’s not pouring and the wind is not howling.

Alas, I’m not that glamorous. I’m sitting in a stupid queue of traffic in pouring rain in Calais, trying to get on to the train through the Eurotunnel. This is not as easy as it sounds as there are never sufficient people manning (or womanning, come to that) the UK Border Control and so after sailing through the French formalités you move on into a traffic jam and miss your train because a bunch of disinterested civil servants (probably devolved to somewhere near Luton) have not scheduled enough people to be present and the ones who are there either complain about slow computers or they work slowly because they enjoy annoying people. Mind you, there’s not much incentive to improve because the Eurotunnel people are forever cancelling and merging trains so you never get through at the appointed hour, no matter how hard you try. The Channel Tunnel Group Ltd and the Ministry of Silly Works combine to produce a dreadful advert for the UK. Each time I come here I am frustrated and embarrassed and I wonder to myself how it is that the nation that people come to for racing cars can be so useless in other respects.

Still, ever in search of the positive, I guess that the inefficiency is good news for McLaren Advanced Technologies. At some time soon they will be able to go along to the Ministry for Blocking Borders and say: “Guess what, we’re so good at efficiency that by the time we’ve finished with you, you’ll have to change your name”. And so it will become the Ministry of Whizzing Along, “brought to you by McLaren” and it will be staffed by pretty, intelligent, blondes from Surrey, with just the right kind of accent, rather than the grumpy middle-aged civil servants that inhabit’s Britain’s Front Line today.

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About to do the same trip on Monday and looking forward to it – NOT!
My misery is added to by having a non-EU wife who being Australian is an even more suspicious character thus causing deep grief and further delay.
Gets me into just the right mood to spend 2 weeks in the UK!
Happy Christmas though Joe and thanks for all of your writings throughout the year – I look forward to reading more, especially your thoughts on Ron’s final choice of Jenson over Jan.

Yep,for all that I miss about Britain, returning immediately brings the blood to the boil. Heathrow or Tunnel, the immediate welcome is an inefficient,disinterested disgrace of a nation. I once tried to assist the efficiency by pointing out an obvious problem and was ‘interviewed’ as a threat by a police officer for 40 minutes. He was of the view that it was none of my business how something operated and I should respect that the people who knew better than me made the rules. if it weren’t for my elderly mother and some business issues I don’t think I’d ever return. It has become a cess pit for publicly funded layabouts.

I have a theory that immigration and security staff all over the world are actually aliens. Their purpose is to make people so miserable and fed up with life that they give up and die. Then the aliens can take over the world in a bloodless coup.

Even changing planes in Dubai last month, they had one person on the single open security line that you have to go through again, even though you have just come off a plane. It took over an hour to get through and I was one of the first people off the plane from London. The onwards Emirates connections all had to be delayed to allow the booked passengers to get through security, so it does not just happen in the UK.

You have to give your fingerprints nowadays to get into the USA. Now I am missing the tip of my right index finger, so there is no available fingerprint from that. This does not seem to compute with the USA immigration staff, who keep insisting on a print from the non-existent finger tip until a supervisor gets summoned.

Heat of the moment stuff Joe I suspect! The UK has border controls (another point for discussion of course) and, let’s be fair, the French are not well known for their customer-friendly civil servants (even the French say this). I use the tunnel quite often, avoiding peak times where I can, and rarely encounter a problem. I think you were unlucky. Trying being a dog in to the UK every time at the tunnel, you’ll encounter some ‘special’ operatives on the French side I can tell you! Not a good idea to talk to Brits about slow officials where they are stuck in an airport/train station/port etc when the French are on strike…..

Not being a Brit but have used both trains under the channel, I must agree the French Customs is quick and efficient generally with a smile. whilst its the twenty question and grim face with UK customs that takes forever. I was just in NZ last week and the customs was friendly and efficient huge difference. The slowest is possibly the border crossing at HK to PRC but that’s more to do with the volume.

As a regular visitor to France (being married to a lovely French lady) we have given up on the tunnel. The delays are awful to the point that it is just as quick, much cheaper and usually (weather permitting) far more pleasant to go on the ferry.

That’s ok, with the cuts that the current government are enacting (and plan to enact) those grumpy border control folk that get exceptionally well paid for what they do will slowly get even more grumpy.

Joe, why don’t you do what everyone else does. Walk up to the lorry at the very front of the queue. Open the back and climb in. Make yourself comfortable.

Journey times Calais to Marble Arch – which is where most ‘passengers’ alight – rarely exceeds 2 hrs.
There is a complaints procedure for those occasions when the driver is delayed: for first 15minutes £1000 compensation paid in US$ if preferred. For each further 15 minute period £2000 is payable.

Arrivals after 22.00 hrs are offered rooms at the nearby 5***** de luxe.

3 million satisfied regulars each year have indicated they are more than 60% likely to recommend the service to friends and relations.

Agreed. It pisses me off going through the south of England. People don’t like their jobs and take it out on customers/cattle. North of England seems to have a nicer attitude, no more efficient. The problem is that the incompetent are allowed to prosper. Its the polar opposite of Motorsport. The PSNI is the worst example. They employ on the basis of religion, race, sexual orientation. If your a Hindu, one armed lesbian you will be employed and promotes faster than A Merc V6. If your a protestant family man your application won’t even be accepted. The world had gone a little mad, well the uk anyway. Other parts of the world just to the sensible thing.

I’ve used the train (reluctantly) five times in the last 18 months, one was on time, the rest significantly late and one of those by over 5 hours. Wrong kind of rain apparently.
The border controls are shocking and show the disgraceful contempt our public ‘servants’ have for us. Putting all that to one side, I use the Dover – Calais ferry some three to five times a year. Yes it’s slower, but I’ll take the big seat, the champers in the club lounge and the white cliffs advancing or receding as I contemplate the road ahead.. And the relative reliability; the biggest delay I can recall? Half an hour, but usually there’s none at all….and nor are there any of the masses dragging their bags and ample behinds down the paintwork looking for the (usually out of order) loo….
Great work Joe, thank you, keep it up.

We often endure simlar delays, Joe, when returning to Hull from Rotterdam via P&O’s overnight ferry service, but the problem only seems to be when we arrive in Hull and not when we board the ship in Holland.

BTW Very sorry to see a BBC news item today about the forthcoming online auction of Marussia’s cars and equipment. I was hoping that they might rise from the ashes, perhaps as Manor, and perhaps they still will. Fingers crossed for all involved.

Hi Joe,
Great Blog, which I read regularly. Congratulations on it. As someone who travels as much as you do, I was genuinely interested in your experience and opinions of UK Border staff, as well as Eurotunnel’s organisational skills!
In response to your wife’s tongue-in-cheek comment, as someone who travels to Kent quite often I’ve had cause to utter a similar expletive about the French when being sitting stationary in Operation Stack on the M20 after yet another strike thrown by our Gallic cousins!

I bet when you both got your tax bills for 2015 last October, your wife said “bloody French”, the two things are interrelated and as there are no border controls in the Schengen area, that is why there is a camp for non-Europeans in Calais waiting for their to turn to get to England.

They will not be seeking jobs at McLaren, or the Border Agency, just keeping UK PLC bouncing along as a low-skill, low-wage economy.

Enjoy your time in Blightly, I am looking forward to returning to France for Noel and St Silvestre and then heading south to Spain for some decent weather.

Ha! As ever, Joe’s right on the button. Can’t stand the UK for more than a few days, and that’s when the weather behaves. That’s why we share our time between the Dordogne and Auckland (although on the last trip back Auckland traffic is beginning to get M6ish…). Although neither country now hosts a GP, both are packed with petrol-heads and spanner-men (is Bernie listening?)

As someone who quite frequently traverses the breadth of Europe and passes through several countries without stopping, the pedantic welcome to my own country does annoy me, particularly as I usually arrive in the small hours. But if we didn”t have such people on our borders the average Daily Mail reader would self combust worrying about being swamped by immigrants.

If its any small source of comfort Joe … just try flying in the US on a regular basis . Between TSA … the vagaries of US carriers schedules of late .. loss of luggage on a regular basis .. even worse .. the independent security firms at some smaller airports … idiots trying to board who can’t be bothered to read the regulations right in front of their faces holding up the lines … apathetic at best ticket and boarding agents … in flight service so abysmal [ amongst again the US carriers ] that the act of calling it ‘ service ‘ becomes an insult to the word .. the ever shrinking passenger compartments with more seats than ever .. all those ‘ extra ‘ charges you don’t hear about till checking in at the airport [ that’ll be an extra $450 for that instrument Mr Slinger despite having gained ( written ) previous approval from the home office ]

And then … there’s the parking lots .. traffic in and out … lack of waiting areas etc

And in all honesty .. we just might make y’alls ‘ Chunnel ‘ crew look like the absolute pinnacle of efficiency

Joe, after our trip on the TGV to London last year I have to say that the people about whom you are complaining must be selected from the same group/type as those who man the food mini stores on the TGV. A Frenchman explained to me that the SCNF have to hire an defined number of people for this delicate task which is why it takes 30 minutes to actually buy a bottle of water on the TGV. Cest la vie

One has to speak as one finds. I’ve used the Eurotunnel both ways, by foot passenger and by car, several times in the last 15 years, and never had any problems at all…guess I’m lucky that way! I’ve found the service and staff, in both directions, to be very good and very helpful. In fact, with car travel, I’ve turned up a couple of hours before my allotted space, and been placed on the next train, which in both cases, meant only about a 15-20 minute wait, and me and my passengers getting moved on before our tickets allowed it, with no extra costs either. And I can’t fault the café service on the TGV either. For my 50th, my wife and I and one of my friends and his wife, took the Eurostar to Brussels and back, and had a great long weekend, with no transport hassles either way. But then again, I’ve never had a bad flight experience with Easyjet or Ryanair, in 20 years of using both, and never had my luggage lost by either. I’ve known people who have had bad experiences on BA and other airlines, but I always use those two and never have anything to complain about….Monarch is a different story though!!

yes clearly, a good job you’ve such a tendancy to be cheerful in the face of adversity…
I was in that queue last week, I managed to find some joy in figuring out how to sneak onto a train which was one letter before mine. Next time (next week I will try a 2 letter jump) 🙂
Merry Christmas you brumpy gugger
neilmurg

None of which surprises me in the least. This is normal everyday life for those of us now in the UK. If you were to move back to Britain today from France, regardless of how long ago or how recent it was you left these shores, you would not recognise the country you left behind.

We don’t own or run any of our former public utilities any more. In electricity generation, EDF is a French company. Npower is owned by a German company called RWE. Scottish Power is owned by a Spanish company called Iderdrola. Anglian Water is owned by a Canadian company, Thames Water is owned by a German company. A new nuclear power plant is to be built and owned – by the Chinese. Arriva Buses is owned by The German Deutsche Bank, Gatwick is owned by a South Korean company, Cadbury is owned by an American company. Even the M6 toll road is owned by Australia’s Macquarie Bank, the trains running on our railways have been built by either German, Canadian or Italian companies in their respective countries, our own tradition of expertise in railway engineering and research having been dumped in favour of them. Even the Metro local transport system where I live in Newcastle upon Tyne is run by a German company and not the council. Run badly, as it turns out, as are many of the other services run by the above companies. It just goes on and on.

Against the background of that is what remains of the public services that haven’t been sold off. All services have suffered dramatic cut backs in the name of austerity – permanent austerity, according to the likes of the powers that be, so expect it to get worse – and the employees that remain are covering the work of the many people that have been made redundant. They probably haven’t had a pay rise in years, or in fact have had to take pay cuts and a worsening of their terms and conditions so that they have to work longer for less, and have had their pension decimated. Don’t be surprised if they look pissed off or not bothered any more. They are pissed off for the same reasons as the staff in Tesco’s look pissed off, who are all agency staff, have no guarantee of any hours or pay, the sum total of which leads to a precarious working existence.

You’ve probably already encountered our rail system, which holds us at knife point, being the most expensive in Europe and the worst run of the lot. Unlike the French rail system which is public owned and heavily subsidised.

US states motor vehicle license/registration branches used to operate in that way. However, after many millions of wasted hours, people finally said “enough” and nearly all the states branches have dramatically reformed for the better. What used to involve an in-person hour or two wait to renew a car registration or drivers’ license is now done in 5 mins online or via maybe a 10 to 15 min visit to the branch for something particularly “difficult”. There’s hope!

Well, there was a dock strike in Calais on Thursday, reportedly with only one ‘berth’ open for ferries. Which inevitably meant everybody tried to get across via Eurotunnel…..
So, you could equally say “Bloody French…!!!”

And while I am not sure about the Eurotunnel shareholder split, I know the management is overwhelmingly French..;-)

BTW I only ever cross the channel in the early hours, usually trying to get some sleep, but that’s nearly impossible with muzak being played EVERYWHERE and constant announcements about their overpriced money changers etc. GRR !
Regards,
Martin

It’s simple, Joe: all our best people are busy building racing cars (or desiging computer chips, or bridges, or whatever), leaving the dolts and dullards to man the civil service. In France they have rather different arrangements. 😉

Made the trip 300 times in the past years, never had an issue. And I carry a non-EU passport, which makes things a bit more complex going through with several “what’s the purpose of your visit” questions. Could be an exceptional day, or you being exceptionally unlucky or just being in the frame of mind that anything out of script would have annoyed you anyway? From experience, UK is one of the countries which follow the established immigration / customs rules to the general public most appropriately and effectivity. If you think the French are that effective, check again, it may be the case that they’ve simply not done their jobs.

” ..pretty, intelligent, blondes from Surrey, with just the right kind of accent”

Ah. Rara avis.
Would that more of the world was stocked of these.

Until very recently, like mid 2014, the pit lane was thronging with such folk, excellently performing PR and team/media duties.
I could be wrong, but suddenly there seems to be so few of them. I perceive a subtle change in the modus op of F1 that has made them a rarity.

These are the impressions of someone for whom the pit lane exists within the TV screen. …I wonder if Joe, who will know first hand, can confirm?

I’m am glad you found the UK Border agency unbiased or did you mean uninterested? Aside from being pedantic (sorry), I have used the tunnel many times and not found the border formalities particularly slow and positively rapid compared to experiences in airports in many parts of the world (UK included). The tunnel schedules are a joke however, forget the time table they should just put “services when we feel like it”. Happy Christmas :-).

What is that supposed to mean? That we don’t have any right to complain about bad service? I suggest you change that condescending attitude. If you think this is just some petty “First World” problem, go and help the sick people in Africa.

I came back to the UK for Christmas on the 12th through Calais like you. The difference was I travelled on the P & O ferry. Arrived at 1245 to find that the 1045 hadn’t even arrived, and was scheduled to come in and the take us to Blighty at 1445.

So an hour and a half of sitting in the car park, cursing that I hadn’t booked the euro tunnel instead. Seems like I made the correct choice, as it only cost 35€ to be hang about instead of the inflated euro tunnel charges.

I suppose I’ve been lucky with the border controls, but then I’ve generally been travelling at non-peak times. The most efficient transaction I has was the time I rolled up at Calais having lost my passport somewhere around the old Rouen GP track. I confessed to this, much to their amusement, showed my driving licence and my companion handed over her passport; in 10 minutes they’d checked our credentials, cancelled my passport, and sent us on our way home without us missing the planned shuttle.

I gave Formula E another go yesterday. Man, people moan about the F1 engine noise..! I’ve heard better from our lawn mower. Slow, dull… That will be it for me, never again. I still don’t see this has a future when electric cars don’t have one. Hybrid (F1) engines are the long term future.