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Anonymous on "“We just prefer the colour purple” say defecting Tory MPs."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=82117#post-238652
Mon, 29 Sep 2014 19:50:31 +0000Anonymous238652@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Conservative MPs are moving to UKIP because they prefer the colour purple, a government insider announced. </p>
<p>“The purple rosettes and colour scheme go well with my pasty, toad like, right wing, flabby body” said a defected MP who wishes to remain anonymous.</p>
<p>The problem highlights the bigger issue of members of parliament joining parties solely on the colour of rosettes. Labour MP Adam Ambers has called for Parliament to tackle to problem after it emerged he joined Labour because of the red colour scheme despite consistently voting Conservative.<br />
“It’s appalling, I have to pretend to like single mothers and immigrants when really I despise altruism of any sorts” Ambers stated. “Yet I have to desert my individualistic principles just because the red rosettes match my brown brogues”.</p>
<p>To combat the problem an independent body has suggested some form of all-knowing, talking hat that randomly allots members of parliament to various parties.<br />
“The solution is perfect” said a spokesman. “It will stop the squabbling over colours and has the added bonus that it will route out people wanting to enter politics due to their principles and ethics”.
</p>pinxit on "EASTLEIGH EXORCISM: Cameron ensures wayward candidate toes party line"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56746#post-164229
Fri, 22 Feb 2013 10:49:32 +0000pinxit164229@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Thanks Squudge.</p>
<p>Yup, the server's been up the swannee for the past couple of weeks.</p>
<p>Topicality dies a little as every second ticks over. =[
</p>Squudge on "EASTLEIGH EXORCISM: Cameron ensures wayward candidate toes party line"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56746#post-164188
Thu, 21 Feb 2013 23:34:30 +0000Squudge164188@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I thought your first effort was fab.</p>
<p>Stars ealier if the server had worked
</p>pinxit on "EASTLEIGH EXORCISM: Cameron ensures wayward candidate toes party line"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56746#post-164177
Thu, 21 Feb 2013 18:50:26 +0000pinxit164177@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>OK. Now distilled into Left Alert format... <em>( dunno why I bother though... *sigh*)</em></p>
<p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/eastexor1_zpsb4589aa3.jpg">
</p>pinxit on "EASTLEIGH EXORCISM: Cameron ensures wayward candidate toes party line"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56746#post-164170
Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:52:17 +0000pinxit164170@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><strong>"The Power of Dave compels you..."</strong></p>
<p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/eastexor_zps76d80b8c.jpg"></p>
<p>Anyone else picked up on Dave's paranoia when it was suggested that Ms Hutchings' absence from this morning's Beeb debate was due to her being a loose cannon?
</p>rogerg on "New Conservative welfare policy to be based on BBC Radio 4 listener demographics"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54327#post-156810
Tue, 08 Jan 2013 11:47:46 +0000rogerg156810@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>New Conservative welfare policy to be based on BBC Radio 4 listener demographics</p>
<p>The next manifesto for the Conservative party is set to include a radical new idea for welfare services aimed to appeal more to traditional conservative voters. The new policy, devised after extensive research carried out by PHD students at Accrington Polytechnic (soon to be known as the University of Oswaldtwistle-Cum-Bye) is primarily based on the demographics of the audience for the popular morning news programme on BBC Radio 4 - the Today Programme.<br />
The researchers found a strong correlation between the times listeners tuned in and the type of people the Government needed to aim at. In future, when contacting any arm of the Government, you will be asked which radio station you listen to, and at what times. The responses can then be tailored to match your requirements and the needs of the country at that time.<br />
Listeners to any channel in a morning other than BBC Radio 4 obviously means you have no interest in politics or current affairs and will therefore receive the basic response (to be known as the “pleb riposte”). They probably don’t vote conservative anyway (particularly BBC Radio 2 fans).<br />
Here is the full table of listener types:-<br />
Before 5am Night workers and insomniacs - meh<br />
5am to 6am Fishermen<br />
6am to 6.30am Early starters with a bus to catch<br />
6.30am to 7am Proper workers, salt of the earth (hard working families)<br />
7am to 7.30am Shopkeepers<br />
7.30am to 8am MPs and vicars who need a pep talk to get going (thought for the day)<br />
8am to 8.30am This is a large group including teachers and other Guardian readers. It also includes Yummy Mummys on their way to school in their Audi Q3/5/7/9. Proper workers are already hard at it.<br />
8.30am to 9am More Yummy Mummys running late in their BMW X3/5/7/9 (it’s OK - BWM’s can go faster than most other cars).<br />
9am onwards Feckless Scroungers and those in their cars for work e.g. Sales Droids on their way to an important sales meeting, and non-executive directors on their way to an important expenses claim.<br />
Iain Duncan Smith, who has been refining the policy over recent weeks, was unavailable for comment when asked about this by Nick Clegg.
</p>Harris-Jackson69 on "Lord McAlpine strongly denies the accusations"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=51933#post-149510
Mon, 19 Nov 2012 10:50:35 +0000Harris-Jackson69149510@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Lord McAlpine is currently suing celebrities who twittered online rumours and accusations that during the 1980’s and late 1970’s he was a Conservative. His solicitor has stated that his client strongly denies the accusation and that he has the utmost respect for his subjects and subsequent peasantry. Also David Cameron is considering legal action after being handed live on breakfast TV a list of alleged Conservatives, he took the list from the far too insignificant to mention presenter saying “This is a persecution of people with more money than morals ” and called for this witch hunt for conservatives to stop. Mean while Julian Assange and the internet terrorist group Anonymous have called for the victims of conservatism to come out in their masses and let their voices be heard.
</p>pinxit on "'We're in it together' policy blown as Osborne caught with pants down"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=50398#post-145307
Tue, 23 Oct 2012 15:59:37 +0000pinxit145307@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>After inadvertently wearing a live microphone in a BBC toilet, Chancellor George Osborne found himself at the centre of another embarrassing gaffe when his private phone conversation was leaked to the press. </p>
<p>In the conversation, extracts of which are reproduced below, Mr Osborne appears to make a series of extremely disparaging scatological remarks about certain sections of society, casting grave doubts as to the sincerity of the government's oft repeated 'we are all in it' assertion; that drastic economic cutbacks would be applied fairly across the classes, with the rich bearing the heaviest burden of responsibility.</p>
<p>The Chancellor had just finished a TV interview with Andrew Marr at Television Centre when he dashed off for the toilet break. Floor staff and aides had forgotten to relieve him of the live mini microphone before he went. It recorded the discussion between the Chancellor and a friend, referred to as 'Biffo'.</p>
<p>Staff in the TV control room were only alerted when odd noises, followed by a ringing phone and then Mr Osborne's voice came through their earphones.</p>
<p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/osbog3.jpg"><br />
<em>Privy councillor: 'In it' up to his neck…</em></p>
<p>Here are some highlights from Mr Osborne's three minute conversation:</p>
<p>'Yo Biffo. No, it's ok, I'm just on a bombing run at Pravda Central…. yah, relieving myself of the lumpen proletariat' <em>(laughter) </em>… slopping gruel in Oliver's bowl.' <em>(laughter)</em>… 'squeezing out the middle <em>(inaudible)</em> now… and those aren't pips you hear squeaking.' <em>(laughter) </em></p>
<p>He then appears to refer to recent events concerning the resignation of the government's Chief Whip and his interview with Marr:</p>
<p>'Just had to dodge a bunker blast from Wingnut about old cycle-clips. Mitchell's been a complete arse blumpkin over this plod biz. Dave should have dropped him faster than a ticking camel-jockey and fed him to the hungry hippos. Instead, he let him dangle like a Klingon crapple for yonks while Brutus made the most of it, floating an almighty air biscuit at Party Conf, the red-arsed blonde baboon.'</p>
<p>Alluding to last Friday's incident on a Virgin train, when travelling in a First Class carriage on a Second Class ticket, Mr Osborne is heard to say:</p>
<p>'...Beardy's bolshie fat controller… the little s**t. As if I'd want suppurating oiks and proles breathing all over me.'</p>
<p>The conversation then descends into further ribald public-schoolboy toilet humour:</p>
<p>'Just stocking the lake with another brown trout… <em>(laughter)</em>… Christ on a bike, I don't remember eating that.' <em>(laughter) (Toilet flush)</em>. </p>
<p>The conversation ends abruptly as frantic banging on the cubicle door and agitated muffled voices are heard.</p>
<p>After reading the complete leaked transcript, a senior Labour spokesman commented, 'In an unguarded moment we see the true face of this government. Both cheeks. For once the Chancellor is right. He really is 'in it' now.'</p>
<p>Aides for Mr Osborne last night said he was both 'mortified' and 'constipated'.
</p>Nowherefast on "Future Tory Leader To Be Selected By Participation in BBC TV's Total Wipeout"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46292#post-133218
Thu, 02 Aug 2012 11:48:13 +0000Nowherefast133218@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>In the wake of London Mayor Boris Johnson's popularity boost amongst the voting public, following his 2 flags and a zip wire stunt at the 2012 Olympics, members of the Conservative party's influential 1922 committee have agreed that in future the party leader will be selected through participation in an extended edition of the popular BBC TV show "Total Wipeout". Concerns that the general oiliness of potential leadership candidates, in particular George Osborne, Michael Gove and Jeremy Hunt, would be an unfair handicap in tackling some the already slippery obstacles on the course were met with some derision by 1922 Committee Chairman Graham Brady who, setting aside his copy of 50 Shades of Grey, commented " Well Boris has probably already got it in the bag anyway, but anything that gets Theresa May into a leopard skin bikini and kitten heels sliding her silken womanly thighs around on a turgid inflatable pole greasier than the one she clings to in the home office gets my vote!" </p>
<p>An attempt by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg to jump onto the stunts for votes bandwagon by suggesting that the Liberal Democrat sponsored bill for the reform of The House of Lords could be revised to legislate for populating the upper house with only those peers who survived being shoved over Niagra Falls in a barrel was quietly swept under the carpet.
</p>Fred Bayr on "Hacking reveals Thatcher wanted Miliband “to pull pants down on BBC”"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27755#post-76600
Wed, 13 Jul 2011 08:22:50 +0000Fred Bayr76600@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Ed Miliband’s chief adviser was today forced out of the closet which contained his blue ties, blue socks and a David Willets blow up doll. Since taking over as leader in September, Miliband has been advised by Rory Nichols, now exposed as an undercover Conservative party member sabotaging Labour.</p>
<p> Journalists from Wapping Worldwide revealed the Tories’ deplorable antics.</p>
<p> The paper’s staff are tied into contracts until either their death or the paper’s closure and are only remunerated with free copies (to increase distribution). Being desperate to meet the same fate as News of The World, they decided to get in on the hacking scandal. Having hacked Paul Daniels’ phone and discovered that for all these years his “magic wand “has been a sickening euphemism guising intentions Garry Glitter would approve of, the paper decided not to publish the revelations. “They were in the public interest and thus justified the hacking”, reporter Ronnie Higgins told us. “We needed something below the belt. We considered hiring a private detective to kill a schoolgirl, then hiring a private investigator to hack her phone but we think the public are now desensitized to hacking dead children’s phones”.</p>
<p> In the end the best they could get was Rory Nichols. Messages were left from Oliver Letwin advising Nichols to “tell the dim witted Harry Potter extra lookalike: a blank sheet of paper is the best policy; bring back that bafoon Balls as shadow chancellor; abolish voting for a shadow cabinet and hire Neil Kinnoch to advise on engaging red tops”.</p>
<p> Margaret Thatcher left a message saying: “tell him to pull his pants down next time he’s on the BBC”. Doctors say she does not have dementia yet, which is worrying.</p>
<p> A message from poor old Miliband himself reveals his depressing ignorance of the country’s workings. Regarding Mervyn King, whom he asked Rory to invite to join his PR team, he says: “I’ve heard he’s got special powers that can increase people’s interest rates”. </p>
<p> Unsurprisingly no one of importance from the Tory party was available to talk but we did bump into Ken Clarke outside his local Indian. He said, “I’m utterly disgusted and betrayed by Rory’s behaviour. If he’s going to have a blow up doll of a withering Tory it should be me”! </p>
<p> David Cameron, another unimportant Tory, told us “Miliband, or anyone for that matter who is obviously lying through their teeth about unethical practices should be given a second chance...”
</p>PamChristianAnderson on "Scientists prove George Osborne is a tosser"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27066#post-74386
Mon, 27 Jun 2011 16:32:15 +0000PamChristianAnderson74386@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>One doesn't need science to prove this. It is abundently clear to the naked, untrained eye.
</p>Christopher Frost on "Tories blame heatwave on Gordon Brown"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27067#post-74380
Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:29:49 +0000Christopher Frost74380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>.
</p>Christopher Frost on "Scientists prove George Osborne is a tosser"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=27066#post-74377
Mon, 27 Jun 2011 15:25:03 +0000Christopher Frost74377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>.
</p>Sinnick on "Ant & Dave candid about latest job"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=7604#post-20564
Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:13:25 +0000Sinnick20564@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Ant &amp; Dave have today admitted that their new job is quite similar to presenting BB. Indeed, running the UK is not as hard as they'd thought. The photo session in the garden of no.10 went well, and showed who was boss. Full analysis later, once the interpreter has completed translation ...
</p>dominic_mcg on "Struggling farmers welcome bumper crop of 'Vote Conservative' placards."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3074#post-8869
Thu, 22 Apr 2010 16:26:03 +0000dominic_mcg8869@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Have 5 of my freshly harvested stars.
</p>edward hack on "Struggling farmers welcome bumper crop of 'Vote Conservative' placards."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3074#post-8833
Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:36:06 +0000edward hack8833@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Most neat Rory
</p>Rorschach on "Struggling farmers welcome bumper crop of 'Vote Conservative' placards."http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3074#post-8829
Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:23:02 +0000Rorschach8829@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>More soon.......
</p>Genghis Cohen on "David Cameron’s forehead to be fitted with solar panels"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2766#post-8110
Sat, 17 Apr 2010 23:06:26 +0000Genghis Cohen8110@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Conservative Party leader David Cameron has boosted his party’s green credentials by finally agreeing to exploit the vast energy-harvesting potential of his forehead and be fitted with solar panels. Scientists believe that with a good summer and the ongoing natural recession, Cameron’s bonce could soon be generating enough energy to power an offshore tax haven for non-domiciled party donors.</p>
<p>‘When people think of David Cameron, they think of the guiding light that only he brings to British politics,’ said a Tory aide today. ‘In fact his stature as a leader is such that many have to avert their eyes. Hairline to brow and temple to temple, there’s no question he is the candidate with the qualities needed to power this nation. We urge voters to choose hope over fear, light over dark, and sustainable energy production over more normally-proportioned head frontage.’</p>
<p>Although members of the Conservative front bench regularly make use of Cameron’s forehead to check their ties and make-up before press conferences, the party has long been searching for a more profitable way to harness the untapped potential of its leader’s impressive frontispiece. ‘We thought about selling it as advertising space,’ said the aide, ‘and Boris is keen to use it as an alternative to a third runway at Heathrow, but we’ve been hampered by red tape since David’s face was designated an area of outstanding cosmetic beauty.’</p>
<p>Scientists, though, are confident this could be the answer to Britain’s energy problems. ‘There’s no doubt it’s quite a sun trap,’ said one today. ‘These unspoilt expanses do occasionally occur in nature, but I’m sure those formative years spent in over-enthusiastic forelock tugging have helped up the acreage. Either way, we’ve seen recent year-on-year increases in Cameron’s cranial circumference, so the future looks very bright indeed, unless you’re right behind him, that is.’</p>
<p>Despite the glare of publicity accompanying the Conservative party’s announcement, motoring groups are concerned about the risk to traffic posed by David ‘The Human Lighthouse’ Cameron. The warning follows an incident yesterday when a pedestrian was forced to dive into a front garden in fear of his life after being blinded by the headlights of an approaching vehicle that turned out to be David Cameron and William Hague on campaigning duty. ‘I’ve never voted Tory before,’ said the man, ‘but it’s anyone’s guess where that cross ends up now.’
</p>thisisall1word on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6608
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 23:09:07 +0000thisisall1word6608@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Female Civil Servants? Cough sputter.<br />
I like to think of myself as a pretty modern, 90s kinda guy, but that's pushing things a little too far. I'm all for change, we can't live in the past* and need to move with the times, and all that, but steady on.</p>
<p>* can we? If anyone knows different please contact me.
</p>The All New Jeni B on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6606
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 22:43:17 +0000The All New Jeni B6606@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>But think of the man hours spent trying to ensure an even number of left/right foot amputations with people with same sized feet.</p>
<p>And what about female civil servants? Will the same thing happen with sensibly heeled navy court shoes?
</p>theumpire on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6604
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 22:14:10 +0000theumpire6604@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>You clearly have not yet contemplated the savings which could be made if the database could identify left and right footed civil servants. Some could use left foot brown brogues, while some could use right foor BBs - the amputations could be synchronised right there in the database.</p>
<p>This would mean we would get full use of the European brown brogue mountain - another hefty saving.
</p>The All New Jeni B on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6598
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 21:48:02 +0000The All New Jeni B6598@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>What about...</p>
<p>"Union Hopping Mad at Tory Plan To Cut Civil Service"?</p>
<p>Yeah, it's a bit shit, but at least I tried.
</p>malgor on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6587
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 21:23:29 +0000malgor6587@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The team wearing red won. Maybe it's a political omen.</p>
<p>Anyway, back to this. I think you might have the makings of the sort of piece the ed said would be a laugh if it found its way into the Telegraph or something. Maybe not quite so far as enforced amputations, but a row about the savings to be had by making civil servants buy their own suits, brollies and briefcases, as well as their brogues. I haven't thought this through. This isn't the time for thinking things through.
</p>thisisall1word on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6563
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 20:06:15 +0000thisisall1word6563@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>creating a database of civil servants with the same shoe size = massive IT overspend if I have my way.</p>
<p>As I sit still at work at my desk I bemoan the fact that somewhere, some people are playing, with others watching, football. Sigh.
</p>malgor on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6561
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 20:02:29 +0000malgor6561@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The civil servants would be hopping mad about it, I should think. Also, I hear labour say, you've not thought this through. Think of the lost jobs in the sensible brown brogue sector, not to mention the logistics involved in creating a database of civil servants with the same shoe size.</p>
<p>Not answering your question, I know. Back after the football...
</p>thisisall1word on "Tory Efficiency Details Revealed: Savage Cuts Planned to Whitehall"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2234#post-6558
Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:31:33 +0000thisisall1word6558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The Conservative Party have released an election document which details efficiency savings in an effort to limit damage to their campaign from Labour and Liberal claims that such efficiencies could not be met without harming front line services.</p>
<p>The paper “Hop to Victory” has been written in consultation with Sir Peter Gershon and Dr Martin Read, both of whom previously advised Gordon Brown during Labours own efficiency drive. The key point of the paper is the identification of the significant clothing allowances paid to civil servants which ensures that anyone who works outside for over 1 hour per week is given £50 a year to purchase a sturdy pair of sensible brown brogues.<br />
“There are over half a million civil servants, of which half can claim this allowance equating to a total shoe allowance of £12m a year,” Dr Read has explained “but increasing the shoe allowance one hundred fold and then removing one leg from each civil servant would translate to an efficiency saving of £12bn, probably.”</p>
<p>The Labour party has poured scorn on the idea saying that the overheads surrounding the removal of every second civil servant leg would be immensely costly and the planning to ensure that an even number of left and right legs being removed would prove unworkable.<br />
The main unions of the civil service, PCS have released a comment saying that “if such plans were introduced we very much doubt that our members would stand for it.”</p>
<p>(that's a rubbish title isn't it?... any suggestions welcome...)
</p>rfreed on "New Book- 'Everything To Learn About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten'"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=880#post-2253
Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:44:03 +0000rfreed2253@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The Republican Party in conjunction with FOX News is celebrating their collaborative publishing effort, a new book called 'Everything We Need To Know About Politics We Learned In Kindergarten'. Its publication has started such a buying frenzy among their constituents who can read that it rivals the success had by the coming out of Sarah Palin's 'Going Rogue'. The pundits of both groups are partying like its 1899.<br />
Select chapters from the book include:<br />
101 Seemingly Innocent Ways to Get People's Attention And Keep It.<br />
Playground Power Techniques- How To Use Muscle And Mouth In Ways That The Teacher Doesn't Notice.<br />
How To So Bamboozle People That You Can Make Them Think That Dirty Diapers Are Really Clean.<br />
Using Fibs To Play With People's Heads.<br />
How to Whine Without Seeming Like Whining.<br />
Learning To Inflict Guilt To Get What You Want.<br />
How To Hold Your Breath Until You Get Your Way.<br />
Special Glenn Beck Section:<br />
The Value Of Tears In Gaining Sympathy.<br />
The Fine Art Of Putting Down People To Make You Look Smart.<br />
Acting Cute WILL Get You Somewhere!<br />
Special Ann Coulter Section:<br />
Gaining Prestige By Making Someone Else Look Bad So That You Look Good.<br />
How To Make Tirades And Tantrums Look Like Educated, Intelligent Discourse.<br />
Being A True Bitch Can Be Profitable.<br />
The Repubs claim that using the insights given in this book will give one the talent to take control and move into the power zone in any American societal or political environment that one finds oneself. The methods needed to keep that power are laid out in a book put out by the same publisher called 'The Prince- Part II' by selected senior conservative correspondents with references to Machiavelli. The new Prince refreshes ideas presented in the original giving them a modern tone. All proceeds from both books will be used to build Ceasarian palaces on a Saddam-like scale for the leaders of the Republican Party who will be taking over in 2012.<br />
Breaking News!!!- Roger Fulghum, author of the bestseller Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From Kindergarten.' is suing the conservatives for stealing ideas from his book, including the concept. Mr. Fulghum is currently at work on a new volume entitled 'I Wish To Hell They Had Taught Me Something About The Legal Business in Kindergarten'.
</p>rickwestwell on "Tories Under Pressure Over All Wild-Frontiersman Shortlists"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=515#post-1493
Sun, 07 Mar 2010 03:52:39 +0000rickwestwell1493@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Just seen this - absolute genius. If this doesn't get on the FP, there's no justice. Therefore, I expect to see it on the ticker, instead.
</p>Genghis Cohen on "David Cameron scoops best actor Oscar"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=526#post-1444
Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:25:37 +0000Genghis Cohen1444@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Conservative Party leader David Cameron last night beat off stiff competition from Hollywood legends Morgan Freeman and Jeff Bridges to win this year’s coveted Academy Award for best actor for his captivating portrayal of a common man making his way among the privileged and the powerful.</p>
<p>‘It’s a real Everyman story, isn’t it?’ said industry mogul, Hank Chin. ‘Wealthy young man goes to Eton and Oxford, marries the daughter of the 8th baronet and then vies for the highest political office in the land. Everyone in Hollywood fell for his lovable, feel-good character, and I’m sure he’ll storm the box offices in May.’</p>
<p>‘The story’s great, but it’s really Cameron’s performance that carries the whole show,’ continued Chin. ‘As a man struggling for the approval he craves while attempting to conceal the moral and emotional vacuum at the very core of his being, he’s remarkable. And like the greatest actors, so much of the power of the performance is in what’s not said. The words might be empty, but you’re left in no doubt exactly what it is he wants.’</p>
<p>‘He played the whole part superbly,’ agreed critic Winona Hoff, ‘but of all the memorable scenes it’s the ‘We can’t go on like this’ speech which really stands out. It was painful to see him feeling an entire nation’s disappointment, but at the same time promising them deliverance. It just shows the extent of his character’s self-deception and how skilfully Cameron played the part. When they played it back word-for-word at the ceremony, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.’</p>
<p>‘Ultimately, though, you know an actor is something special when his performance shows you something about yourself,’ continued Hoff. ‘And even now as I stare into Cameron’s shining forehead on the billboard posters, it’s as if I see myself looking back at me. Amazing.’</p>
<p>The award rounded off a great evening for the Tories as George Osborne picked up the best supporting actor gong for his moving display of an accountant shamed by his difficulty with numbers, and Cameron’s make-up team won the Oscar for best effects.</p>
<p>But as Cameron began his acceptance speech without notes and thanked his stylist, nutritionist, personal trainer, voice coach, hairdresser and everyone at the Sunny Side Up tanning salon, there was embarrassment as he came to an abrupt halt following a problem with the autocue. ‘He’s a true pro, though,’ purred a Tory aide. ‘He really brought the house down with that ‘Broken Hollywood’ quip. There’s no way they’ll be voting for change next year.’
</p>thisisall1word on "Tories Under Pressure Over All Wild-Frontiersman Shortlists"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=515#post-1424
Sat, 06 Mar 2010 02:29:46 +0000thisisall1word1424@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Three local Conservative constituency associations have announced they intend to fight central party plans to impose all wild-frontiersman shortlists upon them in the run up to the coming general election.<br />
Bracknell, Sleaford and North Hykeham, and Gosport have today announced that they would not yield to Conservative Central HQ plans and have claimed that such plans devalue the good work of the wild-frontiersmen who become elected MPs without relying upon such shortlists.<br />
"We have excellent sitting MPs such as William Billy Carson and Spark Hiscock who were fairly elected by their local associations based solely upon ability and not because of some non-democratic reverse discrimination. Public opinion of MPs such as they could easily turn if it felt that they were not the best candidate for the position."<br />
The Conservatives have a woefully low number with only 7 out of 193 Tory MPs at present being wild-frontiersman, and of those 3 will not be seeking re-election due to contacting Whooping Cough, various snake bites, and second home allowance controversy.<br />
At a grass roots level within the party, there still appears to be a strong belief that wild-frontiersmen do not always make the best MPs; many spend too much time away from parliament panning for gold, checking various traps for fresh kill, and trading with native American Indians. However such feelings have never been seen to induce voter apathy; the core Tory vote has always came out to vote for such a candidate in previous elections despite voter reservations.<br />
Mary Wilson, Gosport association secretary has said that 'should our members vote for a wild-frontiersman as our candidate, from an open list, then of course we would all be behind them. Yes there are additional pressures facing such candidates but such considerations can help make you a better MP. Shortlists, rightly or wrongly, will be seen as a sort of queue-jumping'<br />
The irony is that the Conservatives have of course given the UK it's only wild-frontiersman Prime Minister in Lucian Maxwell <img src="http://www.maxwellsociety.com/Biography/Lucien.JPG"> who, despite from all accounts of being an ornery old devil, led the Conservatives, not only into back to back election wins in 1885 and 1889, but also safely through wild bear country after a run in with the notoriously ill tempered Cooper brothers.
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