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Dong Work for Yuda (Act II, Scene Twelve)

Central Scrutinizer:

Hello there . . . this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . . Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business . . . you know . . . the ones who get caught . . . it’s a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other . . .

(As the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER chuckles to himself for a moment, FATHER RILEY, who became BUDDY JONES, steps into view in his new identity: FATHER RILEY B. JONES, Prison Chaplain, who, in a rather heavy- handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for the princes of industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly for cigarettes and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won’t have to work too hard when they stick it in.)

. . . Anyway, while he’s in there he meets this guy who used to be a promo man for a major record company, Bald-Headed John . . . King of the Plookers . . .

Father Riley B. Jones:This is the story boutBald-Headed John

Former Execs:

Dong work for Yuda,Dong, Dong

Father Riley B. Jones:

He talks a lot ‘n’ it’s usually wrong

Former Execs:

Dong work for Yuda,

Dong, Dong

Father Riley B. Jones:He said Dongwas Wong,‘N’ Wong was Kong‘N’ Dong work for Yuda,‘N’ John was wrong

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it againDong work for YudaDong, DongSorry JohnSorry betterTry it againHe said Dongwas WongAnd Wong was KongAnd Dong was Gong‘N’ John was wrong

Father Riley B. Jones:

John’s got a sausageYeh manJohn’s got a sausageYeh manJohn’s got a sausage that will make you fartJohn’s got a sausage that will breakyour heartMake you fartAnd break your heartDon’t bend overif you are smartHe took a little walkto the weenie standJohn’s got a sausageYeh manA great big weeniein both his handsJohn’s got a sausageYeh manHe sucked on the end‘til the mustard squirtHe said, “Ya’ll stand back cause you

might get hurt”

Former Execs :Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it againJohn’s got a sausageYeh manSorry JohnSorry betterTry it againHe said Dongwas WongWong was KongKong was Gong‘N’ John was wrongSorry JohnSorry betterTry it again

Bald-Headed John:

Make way for theiron shaschige

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it again

Bald-Headed John:

I need a dozen towels so the boys can takea shower

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry better

Try it again

Bald-Headed John:Bartender, bring me

a colada and milk

Former Execs:Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it againBald-Headed John:On second thought, make that a water . . .

HTO

Former Execs:Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it again

Bald-Headed John:

Falcum . . .Take me to the falcum!

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it again

Bald-Headed John:

I wave my bagsDid you wave your’n

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it again

Bald-Headed John:

Well how much did they wave?

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry better

Try it again

Bald-Headed John:Ah’m almost twokilometers tall

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry better

Try it again

Bald-Headed John:This girl must bepraketing richcraft

Former Execs:

Sorry JohnSorry better

Try it again

Bald-Headed John:Don’t worry aboutthe faggotI’ll take care of

the faggot

Former Execs:Sorry JohnSorry betterTry it againTry it again,Try it againTry it again . . .etc., etc., etc.

Bald-Headed John:Your Pomona isvery extinct . . .Yeah, I studied with the Dong of Tokyo‘N’ also with theoriental Kato . . .My body containuh waterI just loves the way these Copenhagenstalks!Driver, McDoodleSausageSalimaSalamiThat looks like that stuff that Freckleslets outOnce a mumfth . . .

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