Donna Martin Graduates! Okay, Not Really. But You Know Who I’m Talking About.

I’ll be the first to admit my unhealthy obsession and make it even weirder by saying I’ve never really watched Beverly Hills, 90210 (For those of you like me, that’s the original, not the one on the CW now). But none of that stops me. That’s right: I love Tori Spelling. Whether it’s her as Violet on Saved By The Bell or as herself of her reality show (This is better since it’s actually her), I love it. I’m a little behind on her books–I just finished Mommywood–but it happens. It’s probably pretty unclear as to why a girl who wasn’t exactly old enough to pay attention when 90210 was on would be have a major girl crush on Tori Spelling. It’s pretty simple really: We could totally be best friends.

First off–hello, we are both ridden with irrational fears and thoughts and we both admit it. The whole thinking she was going to die during Stella’s birth is completely something I would make up in my head. Or the ideas of Dean dying during any of his reckless adventures. Yep. That would be there, too–especially with the whole motorcycle racing thing…that’s just crazy. I’m one of those people whose fears totally consume them but try to hide it (and I’d like to think I do a pretty good job at it. I haven’t gone completely crazy yet). If someone’s five minutes late, they are either dead or not coming because they hate me…in my head. If I’m alone at my house and the phone rings, yep…there’s been a terrible accident and someone I love is dead. I know: none of this makes any sense as to why that’s the kind of place my brain immediately jumps but it’s what happens. My head’s messed up. Tori’s seems to be too (I will stand by neither of us can be too messed up since we both admit we are irrational. It’s just nothing you can change). However, Tori being irrational makes a whole lot more sense than me doing it. She has to worry about her public image. The cameras are always right there in her face no matter where she is going. After reading Mommywood, I understand it well. It seems like they are always out to get you.

She’s got a little bit of, I guess, it would be a potty mouth but there’s a humourous side too. If anyone knows me, they know Miranda Lambert pretty much wrote Only Prettier about me because “I have a mouth like a sailor.” Well, when Tori uses it in her books, it cracks me up. When she wrote about Liam pooping in the pool on their first family vacation, she said she was trying to use hand signals to Dean with that “universal husband-wife sign language” that meant “our kid just shit in the pool and we are out of here.” Seriously, I didn’t stop laughing for like 5 minutes because I try to sign language stuff like that to everyone and they just look at me like, “What? You want me to steal 3rd?” On the same trip, Tori came up with an acronym I will most definitely use as a mom: PUTP. Stella had poop up the puss. I didn’t laugh as hard at this one because I remembered seeing her on the showing as she wrote the book and talking about that specific incident but it’s still a good one. The fact she says she texted Dean using the standard texting abbreviation for it…yeah, hilarious.

Okay, so maybe this one can fall under irrational fears but it’s a big one and a central theme for Mommywood: motherhood. She was terrified she wasn’t going to be a good mom (And for the record: I think she’s an awesome mom) and she was really scared about her relationship with Stella (Not exactly irrational if you have any knowledge of her relationship with her mother. If not, you have been living under a rock so read sTORI Telling. Can you say eye opener?). I’ve got the same issues even though I’m years away from anything like that. I know that I’m going to be a terrible mother. I’m almost positive that I lack all maternal instincts. And if my kid were like Liam and always want his daddy? Yeah, you could throw emotional mess into the equation. I’d be exactly like Tori, thinking that my kid hates me. And if I ever have a daughter, I pray that I’m able to have a good relationship with her because I think it will probably be the exact opposite. This may come off as sad but the list of guidelines she wrote, I may or may not be planing on employing them to my future children (I’m not going to admit anything at the risk of sounding really pathetically obsessed. But read them. They make perfect sense).

One thing I really admire about Tori Spelling is her ability to look so cute no matter what she’s wearing. I love her style. All her dresses and clothes that she’s photographed by the paparazzi in are awesome. I would kill to raid her closet. But then if you watch the show and you see her in her every day mommy clothes, she still manages to look really cute. She can pull of glasses. She can pull of pigtails. She can pull of sweats (or feet pajamas). Seriously, I know she bonded with Stella over shopping so if she ever wants to bond with me over a shopping trip, I will drop everything just to go. I wish I had her style and poise. Plus, she shops at Target as much as I do. I know she’s not exactly buying her clothes there but it’s good to know that Target is good enough for me and Tori.

From being completely goofy and dorky to shy and insecure to her body issues and fearing the run-in with a former high school friend, Tori Spelling is just like the rest of us (She is 90% normal after all. The other 10% is her celebrity status). She has a gorgeous husband and three adorable children. She’s been through a lot in her life that she’s managed to overcome and I really admire her for it. We could definitely be best friends but until I magically get called to Hollywood to write some piece for like Rolling Stone (yeah, right. Still, it’s a dream) and I happen to bump into her and the connection is instantly formed, I guess I’ll have to settle for watching Tori & Dean and reading uncharted terriTORI and her upcoming party planning book, celebraTORI.

Side Note: Also, we both love our gays. The spot of my Mehran (aka my gay husband) or the future guncles are open for anyone who wants to fill the roles.

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