Question

Posted by: un-happy | 2011-03-23

9 year old daugther and sex

Hello I need help.I by accident made a comment the other night about sex (In a joke way) and my daughter asked me what that means. I asked her why and she told me that she has been thinking alot about boys. And everytime she see''s a nice boy then all she wants to do is jump them and touch them between their legs and kiss them. I was shocked when I heard this.She also told me that she buy''s boy''s sweets and cold drinks just so that they will like her...... a boy has even asked her if he could touch her &quot private part&quot but luckly she said NO! (Don''t know if she is telling the truth)But two nights ago I caught her playing with herself......what must I doIs this normal or should I worry?

Our expert says:

Sounds like you have a normal and healthy young girl. And congratulations that you have formed such a good relationship with her that she feels able to talk about these things with you. The safest safeguard she can have as she grows up, will be this frank relationship with you.
Kids are maturing sexually earlier than they did 20 or 40 years ago. Chat with her about the problems she faces, including how to continue saying NO when she knows this is the right thing to do, how to withstand peer pressure.
Help her to feel confident about herself, and not to feel she needs to bribe boys to notice her or like her.
And don't worry about masturbation, which is entirely normal and harmless - it's guilt about masturbating that is much more troublesome. But of course she needs to know it's a private thing.
And as maia says, continue these disussions about the realities and facts of sex.

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Posted by: ......... | 2011-03-23

Posted by: 0_0 | 2011-03-23

Posted by: Purple | 2011-03-23

She clearly has a good enough relatoinship with you to discuss these things openly.

Perhaps speak to her about self respect and that she shouldn''t feel the need to buy guys friendship or to try to make them like her. Point out as well that boys mature more slowly so its unlikely to work anyway and that bribing people doesn''t make them feel any differently towards one anyway (except to think less of you).

Posted by: Maria | 2011-03-23

Just wanted to add... try to keep the lines of communication open. It''s great that she is telling you all this stuff, and you want to keep it that way. If she gets the feeling from you that sex is something dirty or shameful she will just stop talking to you.

Posted by: Maria | 2011-03-23

You need to talk to your daughter about her body, respect for self and others, the act of sex, the emotion and values you have about sex... she is 9. She has already heard things from other kids, most of it probably half wrong and with different values from what you want her to have. My daughter turns 9 in June. We''re slowly working our way through a book on the subject. I suggest you promptly start doing the same. As for masturbation, it''s entirely normal, but you must teach her that it is something you do in private.

Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-03-23

Sounds like you have a normal and healthy young girl. And congratulations that you have formed such a good relationship with her that she feels able to talk about these things with you. The safest safeguard she can have as she grows up, will be this frank relationship with you.
Kids are maturing sexually earlier than they did 20 or 40 years ago. Chat with her about the problems she faces, including how to continue saying NO when she knows this is the right thing to do, how to withstand peer pressure.
Help her to feel confident about herself, and not to feel she needs to bribe boys to notice her or like her.
And don't worry about masturbation, which is entirely normal and harmless - it's guilt about masturbating that is much more troublesome. But of course she needs to know it's a private thing.
And as maia says, continue these disussions about the realities and facts of sex.

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