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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Androphobia

I was very afraid of men. The first time I went to daycare, I saw that she had two grown sons and I freaked a little. I hadn't really interacted with any men since I kicked Ryder's father out. I wasn't sure what to do. What if they started yelling at me? I knew I was a shitty person, though I wasn't clear on why. What if they got angry enough to hurt Ryder or me?

I still am a little afraid.

I didn't interact with men, besides work and such, for a long time. I could not even think about dating. That was crazy talk.

I have a hard time thinking that all men are not like the ex. All men are not going to fuck me over. They are not all mean. They are not all going to call me names and get angry at any little misstep.