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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I always get excited about the time of day when I get to sit down and reflect on the day's happenings. People blog for different reasons, and various blogs have unique themes, but this blog is truly just a chronicle of my life. I'm not sure where along the way I decided to live my life publicly, but I'm so glad that I did. It makes things easier. Some would argue that I'm crazy for thinking that, and even I have that thought at times. But, on the whole, I just blog for me. Sometimes I go back and read my blog from start to finish. This blog started before cancer, before moves, before dogs. It's just a wonderful way for me to remember my life - the ups and downs, the feelings of joy and the moments of utter desperation. They are all important, for they make me who I am.

Now, after a long day with many phone calls and lots of activities, I am ready for some rest. I am ready to get the kitchen cleaned, so that I can soak in the tub and read my new book, Anticancer. Upon first glance, it seems that many of the principles in this book are the same as those I've already adopted. And, let me tell you, they must be vastly different from the general public because the cashiers at Sam's had a field day with my massive purchase of produce. I thought I was going to have to get out a piece of paper and write down my plan for them. But, I'm happy to pass on any knowledge that I've gleaned.

And now for the hurdle -

Tomorrow morning at 8AM, we will be heading back to the hospital for another surgery. My surgeon will be exchanging my current implants for a different variety. I was at his office for quite some time yesterday as we discussed the ins and outs of this procedure. Basically, it will be a lot of work for him, but I shouldn't be all that sore. Because of the very precise directives from the radiation oncologist and physicist, my surgeon has a big job. He is more than capable, and I completely trust him. This will be our 3rd surgery together.

So, these are my specific prayer requests at this time:

- REST! I have not been sleeping well at night since my oophorectomy. The side effects from that surgery are causing me to wake up every hour or so, and it's really beginning to take a toll on me. I've always been an 8-hour kind of girl, and anything less than 7 is just uncooperative with my personality :) And, when I don't sleep, Brian doesn't sleep. So, he needs some resolution in this area, too.

- Surgery - Pray for a good night of rest for my surgeon. Pray that God would allow him to have a clear mind and perfect skill and expertise as he operates on me tomorrow. Pray for God's perfection through him, without flaws or complications. Pray for a beautiful cosmetic result that is both workable for radiation and aesthetically pleasing.

- Healing - Please petition God for a speedy recovery and a quick return to normalcy. In my case, they are a bit more concerned about blood clots this go around because I've had 3 surgeries back to back. I will be getting shots at home to prohibit clotting, but please pray that my body continually functions normally, without fail. And, above all, please continue to pray for my total and complete healing, that the cancer would be completely destroyed, never to return.

- Strength - My desire is to always be honest before the Lord and before you. Honestly, I need strength. I am a bit weary at this point. Not fearful, not beaten down. Just emotionally and physically exhausted. I told Brian today that I wish that we could throw caution to the wind and go sit on a tropical island in the sun for about a month. Just sit. No doctors' appointments. No work. No treatment. Just relaxation and refreshing. Anyway, since that is not a possibility, I need you to pray God's sustaining power on me, that He would help me to endure all things. And, not only that I would endure, but that I would courageously endure because of His power in me.

And, I wanted to tell you one more way that the Lord has revealed His presence in all of this. Since overhauling my diet and beginning the "eating to live" plan, our grocery budget has gone through the roof. As you can imagine, we are facing many expenses with copays, medications, and supplements, so it hasn't been as if this new food is our only new expense. There are many. All along, I've just been praying, "God, you'e got to get this one. You must take care of it, because I don't see how this is going to work." Well, in the last 3 days, the Lord has provided for our very basic food needs through 2 very generous groups of people. I shouldn't say that I'm in awe of God's provision through these people, because I should expect that of Him. He's just that good. But, to say the least, it's been incredible to be the recipient of several grocery gift cards over the past couple of weeks. Thank you to those who have been the givers. You've been an enormous answer to prayer.

Well, I need to close so that I can move on with that soak in the tub that I referenced earlier. Until I can get to a tropical island, my tub will have to do!

18 comments:

You have an incredible ability to write your thoughts on paper and to convey your needs and heartfelt thoughts to others. I am so glad to be one of the recipients of your writing. Since I am just an old English teacher by trade, this ability always impresses me! I hope you realize and appreciate that this is a God-given talent and God has certainly used your talent to "speak" to others. So, please, keep writing and sharing. I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are at the top of alot of people's prayer lists, so that means you must be at the top of God's list as well. Through Faith, I know he is listening....and healing. Until you return to us again, take care of yourself and know that your Bonner family loves you. With love, Beverly

You write so clearly and sweetly it makes those of us who don't know you, feel like we do, and makes us feel a part of your life, as we are drawn to pray for you. I will pray tomorrow.

Your hormones are probably affecting your sleep, as you know. Have you tried camomile tea before bed? If I don't want a lot of liquid before sleep, I just make half a cup but steep it a long time...just keep the tea bag in the hot water. It helps me relax and sleep better.

Thank you so much for your willingness to share your journey. I am praying for you, your family and the doctors right now. I pray that God's strength will be your source for healing in the days to come. Much Love, Kae

You do not know me but I am Kathryn Bilberry's sister-in-law (Luke's sister) and Michael Leavine's girlfriend. Melynda gave me your blog and then Kathryn posted about you as well. I have been keeping up with you since then. You have been on my mind so much the last few days. Thank you for posting specifics that you would like to be prayed for. I have been in constant prayer for you today that the doctors make the best decisions and moves possible for you and that you will have as little pain as possible.

Please know that I am praying for you everyday. I enjoy reading your blog and to learn what to specifically pray for each day. I trust the surgery went well and that you will be able to resume your daily schedule soon. God Bless you and Brian and I pray for a good nights sleep for both of you. My love to you and Brian!