Love and Money

September 30th, 2013 by Naked Girl in a Dress

Early in dating, I told Sean a lot of things that would never happen in our relationship. We wouldn’t date seriously, exclusively, or marry.Ever, on the last one. He took it all in stride, never wavering in his confidence in himself or the possibility of something really great developing between us.

So when I told Sean after we were engaged we would never, ever put our money together, I think he took that in stride as well. Sean is professionally and financially successful so who had more money wasn’t the issue, but rather what I entered into the relationship with, would be mine on the way out; I didn’t want to live through financial uncertainty that comes with divorce again.

It was such a concern of mine that Sean received a long lecture on how I went from charging groceries, mounting debt, and tremendous financial worries post-separation to now being in a place where I had a savings balance I was happy with, my only debt was my mortgage, and financially I was worry-free. If we were putting ourselves in a situation where we would have to pay someone to break up (divorce attorneys), at least we would not have complications with division of assets and material possessions.

{Writing this, I feel I need to pause to mention Sean is a very patient man. You already knew that, didn’t you?}

Sean was shocked when one morning I woke up and informed him if he was interested, I wanted to merge our money. I was surprised I had come to this realization as well. I never wanted this level of financial complication with another again, but I also saw keeping our money separate more of a hinderance–who bought groceries last, how will we split vacation expenses, how to pay for the wedding, and how to pay joint housing bills–became more frequent discussions between us. It became obvious to me that merging our money was a way to simplify our life together.

While it may seem naive, I really can’t imagine a life without Sean so divorce is not something I believe will ever happen to us. And, if something unforeseen were to happen, I know us both well enough to know we won’t be one of those couples spending thousands of dollars to fight over the autographed Kat Edmondson CD we bought together at her Philly concert (it’s mine, Sean) or anything else we purchased together. Additionally, walking around our homes, mentally tagging items with an “S” or “K” just seems wrong. We have a life we are building together, and it should be from our money–not his or mine.

It has been a few months, and I continue to tell him what a great idea this was for us. Life seems so much simpler for us both.

Tell me:

How have you handled your own union–money and love joined together or just love?