We will be attending the wedding of my son's godfather later this month. Since my son is only 2 1/2 we have not eaten out much and the one time we were at a restaurant it was easy to ask for plain pasta and plain vegetables.

How does one go about contacting a reception hall prior to an event to inquire about special meals for a wedding reception? Who at the hall should I be speaking to? How do you feel comfortable letting them eat the food when you do arrive at the reception?

Btw my son is dairy and egg allergic and we are avoiding all nuts as a precaution. The bride has told me the usual kids meal is chicken fingers which will likely contain one or both of his allergens.

This is a new experience and I'm a bit nervous. I'd appreciate any tidbits of wisdom you can share.

My experiences with wedding and other special event dinners has not been great, especially with more than one allergy to consider. I wish I could be more encouraging, but I tend to err on the side of caution.

Sometimes they surprise me pleasantly, but usually, the wait staff is rushed, the music is loud, and the kitchen staff has either forgotten about the special order, or aren't trained in cross-contamination. If you do decide to order a special meal, I'd definitely ask a lot of questions about their procedure to avoid cross-contamination, allergy training on the part of the wait staff and kitchen staff, and get the head chef's name for follow-up and speak with him/her on the day of the event.

I agree that bringing a meal might be a good idea. That way, if there are mix-ups, your son has something to eat.

Hi, my son has peanut, nut, shellfish, kiwi and to some degree sesame. In some cases, we have contacted the facility and have made arrangements for a special meal (sometimes the bride has done it for us but I tend to prefer to explain things myself). In other cases, we simply brought food along (in a small cooler). With the dairy allergy your child has, I think I would bring food from home (more peace of mind).

Anyways, my two cents

_________________Jacqueline Labossière-Jager
Stittsville, ON

son - born 1998, allergy to peanut, nuts, sesame, shellfish and kiwi; a bunch of allergies to plants, animals, etc. and asthma
daughter - born 2003, no known allergies

We dealt with this issue last summer when we attended a wedding in Banff, Alberta.

I contacted the manager at the reception site by e-mail and followed up the day before the wedding. We spoke about our concerns and our desire for this to be a pleasant and safe experience.

In the end we requested a dedicated server who was mature and receptive. We advised the we would want to meet with this server in advance of the meal to allow us to inform him/her of our concerns.

We asked that this server handle all of our daughters meal time needs. We supplied a meal for her, requested that the server place the container in the microwave to heat and then wash her hands, wash a plate (we were taking no chances), plate the food and serve it.

We explained about cross contamination and food allergies.

We tipped very well.

I think that it was helpful to discuss issues early when they were not trying to host the reception and when they could give us their undivided attention.

I know others hope to be able to eat the food served but I don't trust others that well. I prefer to just be safe and stress free. For me that means preparing a meal in advance.

Hint-I always try to make the 'safe' meal just a little bit better than the regular meal. I might give the same type of chicken fingers, but maybe I'll make Smilies instead of regular french fries.

Thanks so much! I was afraid it would be rude to take a meal into a very fancy hotel but it sounds like maybe that is my best option. I'll be dining "alone" with the 3 boys since my husband is the best man. Having food from home will probably make me feel safer.

I'll check again with the bride and groom on the kids meals and take something. Hopefully there will be a way to warm the food since I'll be transporting it around for many, many hours before dinner.

I second the idea to take your own food. When my brother got married last year we tried to work with the catering manager to see if any of the food would be safe, and he was just not able to deal with it...

So we brought all our own food (and supplies - including utensils, cloths, etc - which was a good idea, as it turned out), and we ensured that we could have a corner of the kitchen to work in. That really worked out for the best, because the reception was at a hall and the catering staff had to bring all of their own equipment as well. If we'd assumed that we could use their stuff, we would have been in trouble. Pretty much we were our kids' own caterers.

Anyway, what I saw from that experience is that things are really crazy at large receptions - there are so many people to be served in a very short period of time - that I would not trust anyone to keep things safe or to avoid cross-contamination.

Now that I've had time to think about it...any suggestions on how to heat up some food that's been stored in the cooler for hours?

I will have all 3 of my boys with me since DH is the best man and won't be around to help. I can't imagine taking all 3 of them in the kitchen so I think that means no trip to the kitchen for me. It's a pretty fancy place and they have a restaurant as well, so I'm not sure that my going in the kitchen would even be an option.

I haven't decided what food to take for my son yet but I'm certain he'll want a hot meal like everyone else.

Aaaack...I thought taking the boys with me would be easier than trying to find someone to watch them who would understand his allergies.

Thanks again everyone. The wedding is coming up on Saturday. I've decided to take some food in a cooler and take a clean plate. I'll ask the staff at the reception to heat up a covered container of food for me. I have a piece of chocolate cake ready to take for his dessert. I feel pretty good about the plan and I know the groom has advised the reception hall that there is a child attending who has food allergies.

All went well at the wedding. I took (precooked) chicken nuggets, stuffing and mixed vegetables, a salad and a piece of chocolate cake. I packed all the food that needed to be heated in a container with a pop top so all the wait staff had to do was pop it in the microwave for a few minutes. I also took a clean plate. My little son was very happy with his dinner and even happier that it arrived before everyone else's.

Hi there, I've been in the same situation with the same three allergies with my son. We gave our son's meal to the chef and when he brought out the meals to our table he just gave our son his on a plate like everyone else. His meal was a little different but that was the only way we could do it, I felt. Having a milk, egg and nut allergy is hard enough at home but it's near impossible to eat out with all three allergies. Dairy seems to be in everything so that is certainly a hard one. Good luck.

We'll be attending a wedding next weekend on a Tall Ship in Toronto Harbour. When I e-mailed them, they must have gotten nervous because they forwarded the e-mail to my cousin who's getting married.

I'm bringing her meal and I think I will bring a plate too. They're going to let me into the kitchen but it sounds like the microwave could use a good cleaning so...I'll bring grab some paper towels to set the dish on.

I'm going to be really casual and just do chicken nuggets, smiley face potatos, ketchup and veggie sticks. I'll do some hors d'oeuvres such as smoked salmon rolled up and skewered with a chunk of soy cheese and some rice crackers. For dessert, I'm going to buy a cake and freeze individual slices and I'll bring one of the slices.

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