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At the lowest level of self-mastery, Threes may be described as phony, self-serving, opportunistic, and a variety of other adjectives that are often used to depict people who go after whatever they want (usually, the external trappings of success, for example, money, status, and fame) with little regard for anyone or anything that stands in their way Although they become extremely isolated, these Threes hide their inner emptiness by believing that they actually are the image or fa ade they have created However, that image is only a shell masking a hollow interior

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Mirror back to them a positive view of their real selves by identifying what they are good at that is not purely work-related; recognize and af rm these qualities Frame critical feedback in terms of behavior that is an obstacle to their goal achievement and, therefore, their success Differentiate between intention and impact For example, help Threes realize that their behavior may be viewed as opportunism, even if this is not their intention Explore their feelings of competitiveness without implying that this is a negative quality Help them differentiate between healthy, productive competitiveness and that which is destructive, both for themselves and for others Explore their feelings at a basic level Do not accept I don t know as an answer, but be gentle as you challenge them

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Once you have an initial assessment of the Three learner s self-mastery level, read the recommended approaches appropriate to that level and select those you believe will be most effective for the learner

As you read the following four coaching techniques, it can be helpful to think about several Threes you know and how you might use the techniques with those individuals Threes can be very different from one another, particularly with regard to their level of access to their own feelings These differences are based on factors such as self-mastery level, empathy, use of wings and arrows, subtype, experience, age, gender, and culture

Head Center Challenge: The What if Question What if challenges work well in situations in which the learner makes assumptions that something is important and inviolate that is, a mental model These assumptions are part of the learner s unchallenged beliefs and paradigms After hearing the Three learner express an explicit or implicit assumption, the developer poses a relevant What if question The chart below lists three common mental models for Threes, the question the developer should ask to challenge each assumption, and the ways in which the developer should respond once the Three has answered the developer s challenge

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What if Challenges for Threes

Common Assumption No 1

I can t allow myself to fail at this

Developer s challenge What if you could allow yourself to fail Developer s follow-on response If the Three says, I can t possibly fail, answer: What if you did fail If there is still no concrete answer, ask: What does failing mean to you When Threes identify what could occur if they failed, such as losing a job, ask: And how likely is that After the answer, ask: What if there were some bene ts to allowing yourself the possibility of failing Then explore what these might be, following the Three s lead

Common Assumption No 2

I can t slow down; everything will stop, and the project won t work

Developer s challenge What if you could actually work better if you slowed down a bit

Coaching Enneagram Style Three

Developer s follow-on response If the Three can t consider the possibility, tell a relevant compelling story, then say: You must have a similar story Can you tell me about it You must have had an experience of a time at work when you were not in overdrive, and the work was actually more successful When the Three offers several bene ts of slowing down and tells a real story, ask: How can you expand this experience to more situations

Common Assumption No 3

I have to do this work myself; it takes too much effort to give it to someone else

Developer s challenge What if you could give it to someone else to do instead of doing it yourself Developer s follow-on response If the Three can t think of such a scenario, ask: What if something happened to you, and you had no choice but to give the work to someone else What would you do then When the Three gives a concrete and positive response, say: Good How can you do this more How would you, the other person, and the organization bene t from this