tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75960562017-04-28T07:42:39.558-07:00Snozzberries?!? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?!?stuff and nonsenseVeruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.comBlogger2146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-5163463005642556462014-02-19T11:17:00.001-08:002014-02-19T11:17:32.424-08:00"So, have you been making any impulsive decisions lately?" my shrink asks, pointedly staring at my faded pink hair.<br /><br />"Not that I can think of."<br /><br />He pauses for a second. "None?"<br /><br />"Nope."<br /><br />He scribbles something in my folder. "Okay..." <br /><br /><br />Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-86606035581656701612014-01-26T10:16:00.000-08:002014-01-26T10:16:03.844-08:00Sometimes The Kid surprises meSometimes it's even in a good way.<br /><br />Last night we're watching some sitcom and one of the characters mentions something about the "gay community".<br /><br />He looks at me and says "Gay community?"<br /><br />And just when I'm expecting a typically snarky teenage boy response, he says "They're people, we're all people, can't we all just be one community of people?"<br /><br />Awww, my little liberal.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-89314041198990700252013-11-04T21:20:00.000-08:002013-11-04T21:20:55.216-08:00<b>him:</b> We have to leave in a minute, are you going to get dressed?<br /><br /><b>me (looking down at my sweats and baggy t-shirt):</b> It's 7AM and I'm going to have dental surgery. Unless we're stopping at the White House for coffee on the way, I think I'm good.<br /><br /><br />In related news, dental surgery suuuuuuuucks, I'm going to die if I have to eat soft food for days and I didn't even get to keep my tooth like the doctor said (but I did get a prescription for Vicodin, so that's a little consolation).<br /><br />Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-72199227819924059662013-10-30T11:51:00.003-07:002013-10-30T11:51:39.803-07:00Dear Young Guy Who Works at the Walgreen's Pharmacy,Every single time I go to pick up my meds, you're working and that's great because you're much nicer and more competent than the other pharmacy tech people who work there.<br /><br />Since you see the myriad of prescriptions I pick up on a monthly basis, you know I'm all kinds of crazy, which is fine, I'm glad we don't have any secrets. I would like you to know, though, that even though I blank on the most basic information in front of you (last month it was my PIN, today, my home address), I'm not a complete simpleton, you're just very very cute. Distractingly cute. Just thought you should know now since I probably won't be able to remember the spelling of my last name next month.<br /><br />xxoo,<br /><br />meVeruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-29026057820685558302013-10-29T23:32:00.000-07:002013-10-29T23:32:59.075-07:00at the risk of sounding like a swooning schoolgirl...THE KANYE WEST CONCERT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER. IT WAS HUGE AND OVER-THE-TOP, WITH PYROTECHNICS, FACELESS DANCERS, A MOUNTAIN ON STAGE, A CAMEO BY "WHITE JESUS", AND A WEIRD HAIRBALL ON LEGS THAT CREPT AROUND FOR A COUPLE OF SONGS. BUT UNDERNEATH ALL THE THEATRICS AND WEIRDNESS, IT WAS REALLY JUST A RIDICULOUSLY TALENTED GUY PERFORMING FOR AN ARENA FULL OF PEOPLE WHO KNEW EVERY NOTE OF EVERY SONG,<br /><br />AND, BECAUSE IT WAS HIS LAST LA CONCERT, HE ADDED A FEW EXTRA SONGS AND MAYBE THERE WERE A COUPLE TIMES DURING THE SHOW WHEN I WAS WORRIED I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO FORWARD MY MAIL, BUT I REALLY DIDN'T WANT THE SHOW TO END.<br /><br />(also, less deserving of all-caps is a "pre-diagnosis" from my shrink of me maybe being "a little bit bipolar" - whatever, all it means right now is a new pill. I'm starting to feel like a guinea pig for whatever traditional and/or alternate therapies anyone can come up with and if this keeps up, I'm going to have to upgrade my little pill organizer to something roughly the size of a steamer trunk, so... yay)Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-63248452489722490672013-10-24T22:23:00.003-07:002013-10-24T22:23:53.048-07:00You might be depressed if...Upon completion of your shower, you realize that you've forgotten to bring a clean towel into the bathroom and you spend a good five minutes standing on the bathmat trying to decide whether or not you should walk down the hallway and get a towel or just stand there and drip dry.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-32528597456425757372013-10-21T20:56:00.002-07:002013-10-21T21:05:15.868-07:00THIS POST DESERVES ALL CAPS!!!!ONE WEEK FROM TODAY, I'M GOING TO SEE KANYE WEST IN CONCERT AND I AM UNREASONABLY EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!!!!<br /><br /><br />ONE WEEK AFTER THAT, I'M GETTING TWO WISDOM TEETH REMOVED. I AM SIGNIFICANTLY LESS EXCITED ABOUT THAT!!!! Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-16436745546102573452013-10-13T21:49:00.000-07:002013-10-13T21:49:41.159-07:00<b>The Kid</b> (playing a violent video game)<b>:</b> I just got offered a mission to kill four people for $7000. Would you kill four people for $7000?<br /><br /><b>Me </b>(not looking up from whatever embroidery I'm working on)<b> :</b> I don't know, I guess it would depend on who they were.<br /><br /><b>The Kid:</b> Umm... it says they're jurors.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Yeah, but I'd need to know who they really <i>are</i>. Are they people who don't use turn signals? Are they people who block the entire aisle at grocery stores with no regard to anyone else in the store? Are they people who text in the movies? If it's them, yeah, I'd probably consider it. What about you?<br /><br /><b>The Kid:</b> No.<br /><br /><b>Me:</b> Really?<br /><br /><b>The Kid:</b> Yeah, $7000 is way too low.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-75783413532542264562013-09-04T12:05:00.003-07:002013-09-04T12:05:57.805-07:00Even laziness needs checks and balancesAfter spending a week in a state full of insanely healthy people, I decided to get a little ambitious, dust the cobwebs off of my bike, pump up the tires and ride it a couple miles over to the post office to drop off some packages. <br /><br />Then later when I was home, I vacuumed <i>around</i> some coins on the floor because I didn't want to bend over and pick them up.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-28936339914535670342013-08-30T13:18:00.000-07:002013-08-30T13:18:21.317-07:00<b>me</b> (asleep): ...<br /><br /><b>him </b>(off work today for the long weekend, loudly "creeping" into the bedroom and clearing his throat): ...<br /><br /><b>me</b> (peeling one eye open):...<br /><br /><b>him:</b> were you planning on sleeping all day?<br /><br /><b>me:</b> I was working on it... <br /><br /><b>him:</b> do you know what time it is?<br /><br /><b>me: </b>I don't. On account of having been asleep.<br /><br /><b>him: </b>it's 11.<br /><br /><b>me:</b> huh.<br /><br /><b>him:</b> I wish <i>I</i> could sleep until 11.<br /><br /><b>me:</b> yeah, it's a talent.<br /><br /><b>him:</b> I've been up since 6:30.<br /><br /><b>me: </b>huh.<br /><br /><b>him:</b> ...<br /><br /><b>me:</b> did [the kid] get up, have breakfast and get off to school okay?<br /><br /><b>him: </b>yes...?<br /><br /><b>me</b> (rolling over and pulling the covers up) : my work here is done.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-23828248404644214982013-08-28T22:21:00.000-07:002013-08-28T22:21:16.234-07:00Colorado - Where the Men are Men, the Bikes are Expensive and if You Think You Might Be Smelling Weed, You're Smelling WeedBetween body washes and manscaping and gluten-free snacks, sometimes it seems like guys in California are about 15% girl. Guys in Colorado are all dude.<br /><br />This is Steve, one of the dudes New Belgium flew out to follow the race, he lives in California now but is indigenous to Colorado. He wakes up at the crack of dawn to go running in the woods and wrestle wolves*, he rides bikes off paths, he makes friends with hillbilly guys from Arkansas who share with him their gallon of homemade moonshine**, and he cleans his nails with a fucking saw blade thing he found in the toolbox in the back of the van.<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HXuvcfXjO2s/Uh7P1SGWRaI/AAAAAAAABfw/XOAm_SSKek4/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HXuvcfXjO2s/Uh7P1SGWRaI/AAAAAAAABfw/XOAm_SSKek4/s320/photo+1.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><br />Minutes before this, after several minutes of me begging, he used the same saw blade thing to open up a beer bottle***<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jg4KjcBF0Ls/Uh7QOBcdq5I/AAAAAAAABf4/NN-pggiD0v0/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Jg4KjcBF0Ls/Uh7QOBcdq5I/AAAAAAAABf4/NN-pggiD0v0/s320/photo+2.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><br /><br />And, just so this post is something more than Colorado Dude Appreciation, here's a shot of the ridiculous landscape<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RAeSlhnTgcQ/Uh7TH6q17lI/AAAAAAAABgE/RdD5mYX1-_0/s1600/DSC_0125.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-RAeSlhnTgcQ/Uh7TH6q17lI/AAAAAAAABgE/RdD5mYX1-_0/s320/DSC_0125.JPG" width="214" /></a></div><br />and a shot of the expensive bikes (a shot for which I stood out in the rain for 40 minutes to get)<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9giJYTusjtI/Uh7VZEutS5I/AAAAAAAABgQ/9FprNMcTHbw/s1600/DSC_0346.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9giJYTusjtI/Uh7VZEutS5I/AAAAAAAABgQ/9FprNMcTHbw/s320/DSC_0346.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />And a shot I thought was going to be a shot of expensive bikes on a sunny day, but all I can see in this picture is a scrotum squeezing itself out from the bottom of that guy's cut offs.<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RL4eoBCVNiA/Uh7WDU8sszI/AAAAAAAABgY/tPsvdeDtHUM/s1600/DSC_0459.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RL4eoBCVNiA/Uh7WDU8sszI/AAAAAAAABgY/tPsvdeDtHUM/s320/DSC_0459.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />And a shot of my van crew (and, yes, I'm wearing a trucker hat, shut up, a week is a long time and my hair is temperamental) <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-38bpe2JWLgY/Uh7WsXDhoaI/AAAAAAAABgk/hwRTsVxJygs/s1600/IMG_4923.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-38bpe2JWLgY/Uh7WsXDhoaI/AAAAAAAABgk/hwRTsVxJygs/s320/IMG_4923.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />from left to right - <a href="http://www.newbelgium.com/community/blog.aspx">Social Media Beer Guy</a> (our babysitter/chaperone/tour guide/food buyer/driver/all-around good guy), me, <a href="http://www.allhailtheblackmarket.com/">Manly Man,</a> and the <a href="http://residuecomics.blogspot.com/">super talented cartoonist/illustrator</a> (who spent a ridiculous amount of the week looking for pot,,, which is legal there, btw)<br /><br /><br />*I'm not positive about this one, I was too busy sleeping - I still don't get why anyone would wake up early on purpose, especially when we were being put up in super nice hotels with really comfortable beds.<br /><br />**I'm positive about this one - we were set up on top of a mountain for one day of the race and by the end of the day, the Arkansas guys were pretty much ready to teach him all of the secrets of their brewery... is it a brewery? Moonshinery? Still?<br /><br />***I tried to get a picture of the actual chopping of the bottle, but I wasn't quick enough with the camera and you can't just ask a manly man for a re-do on something like that.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-80287391884759605922013-08-21T14:25:00.001-07:002013-08-21T14:25:26.012-07:00Remember that bike and beer thing?Yeah, well, it happened... it's happening... I'm in Colorado right now staring out the balcony of a hotel room, watching ski-lifty things moving up and down a wildflower-covered mountain.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.newbelgium.com/home.aspx">New Belgium Beer</a> (recently voted <a href="http://www.craftbeer.com/news/brewery-news/outside-magazine-once-again-names-new-belgium-brewing-as-one-of-americas-best-places-to-work">one of the best places to work</a>) flew me out to Colorado to spend a week following the <a href="http://www.usaprocyclingchallenge.com/">USA Pro Challenge bike race</a> (it's "America's Race") and being creative about it.<br /><br />I've been here since Sunday and it's been a dizzying crash course in bikes, bike racing, beer and breathing in high altitudes.<br /><br />I've learned that there is more to bicycle racing than just going fast, I ate Colorado-style pizza with honey on the crust, I've seen more lycra than I'd ever imagined and I met Bill Walton in my hotel hallway last night.<br /><br />I've taken about 90 bajillion pictures of dizzying landscapes and wildflowers and lots of other nature-type stuff, but I forgot the cord for my camera (and I forgot sunscreen, which was worse than forgetting the cord because the sun out here is not kind to pasty white skin like mine). So that will have to wait.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-33516386314757203602013-08-17T12:32:00.000-07:002013-08-17T12:32:11.383-07:00I've seen some debate online about "selfie culture"<br /><br />The people in favor of it are in favor of it because young people (mostly) are in control of how they are being portrayed to the world.<br /><br />The people opposed to it are opposed to it because young people (mostly) are in control of how they are portrayed to the world.<br /><br />I can't help but think that future civilizations are going to be perplexed as to why the males of our species were unable to be photographed without their tongues sticking out and/or their brows furrowed, and why the females of our species were unable to be photographed without making a kissy face or having their mouths open. I suspect people will think it's some kind of neurological tic caused by genetically modified food.<br /><br />I figure you can post as many half-clothed, pouty-faced, bathroom mirror selfies as you want, but just remember that if you commit a crime or are the victim of a crime, that duck-faced picture you hashtagged "#nomakeup", "#nofilter", #nopanties" is going to be splashed across the news and you're going to wish you hadn't filtered and photoshopped it to death because there's no way anyone is going to be able to recognize you (or not depending on whether you are the criminal or the kidnapped person).Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-41480140349601501812013-07-30T22:07:00.000-07:002013-07-30T22:07:19.058-07:00Watching <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0425112/">My Favorite Movie</a> -<br /><br /><b>him:</b> <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0176869/">He's</a> been in something before...<br /><br /><b>me:</b> He used to date Courtney Love.<br /><br /><b>him: </b>...<br /><br /><b>me:</b> Oh, maybe you were thinking of something else that he was in...?Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-55157858720807880282013-07-25T11:08:00.001-07:002013-07-25T11:08:49.406-07:00Dear Pet Sitter Lady,Dude, you REPLIED TO MY EMAIL to tell me you hadn't heard back from me. We're both using Gmail, so I know you had to open up the thread and start typing your reply UNDER MY REPLY. (Not to mention, I told you in my email - 6 days ago - that I needed a pet sitter THIS WEEKEND) So, yeah, thanks but no thanks.<br /><br />xxoo,<br /><br />your almost clientVeruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-5054153528438022412013-07-23T00:40:00.000-07:002013-07-23T00:40:06.246-07:00<b>Extremely Cool Social Media Dude:</b> [extremely cool beer company] I work for is sponsoring a bike race next month and we're familiar with your embroidery and we want to pay for you to come out for it and be creative and have fun and post about it on social media. We're going drive around in a van and follow the race and have media passes and we'll pay for your food and the bar tab.<br /><br /><i><b>My Inner Voice:</b> Did some dude legitimately just ask you to get into his van for a week and be creative?</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>Me:</b> It's not like he's just some dude from Craigslist. He works for a beer company, he's got an email address from them and everything, it's completely legit. I'm picturing it as more Scooby Doo and less Cautionary Tale Later Translated into a Lifetime Movie.</i><br /><br /><i><b>My Inner Voice:</b> Okay, but what fuck do you know about biking?</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>Me:</b> I think when it's a week long it's called cycling</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>My Inner Voice:</b> Okay, what the fuck do you know about cycling?</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>Me: </b>That's Future Me's problem. He said they'd pay for food. And I'd get a media pass. I've never had a media pass before.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>My Inner Voice:</b> You don't like traveling, you don't like crowds.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>Me:</b> Again, these are issues that Future Me is going to have to deal with. All I'm seeing is a shiny invitation to sit with the cool kids for a week. I never get invited places.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>My Inner Voice: </b>Because you have the social skills of a foot stool.</i><br /><br /><i><b>Me:</b> Foot stools are great, who doesn't love a foot stool?</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>My Inner Voice:</b> This could end up as the worst thing ever.</i><br /><i><br /></i><i><b>Me</b>: Sure, it could, but it might also end up just being mildly unpleasant. In any case, that's happening to Future Me, so... not my problem. And it guarantees to be less awful than <a href="http://supervelma.blogspot.com/2008/03/by-end-youll-thank-me-for-lack-of.html">the last time I was in Denver</a>.</i><br /><i><br /></i><b>Me:</b> Count me in!<br /><br />Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-12235561039961515542013-07-18T10:54:00.001-07:002013-07-18T10:54:38.834-07:00Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".&nbsp;Every single summer, cosmetics companies say to me "Hey, Pasty White Girl, you should try some self-tanner."<br /><br />And I respond "No, thank you, I hate that stuff, it always smells like pee and makes my skin orange-y and streaked."<br /><br />And they say "That was last year's product, this new product is SO DIFFERENT. No pee smell, no streaks, just a healthy glow! Technology! Natural stuff! Pleasant smell! Spray bottle that makes it impossible to mess up!"<br /><br />And I say "Are you sure?"<br /><br />And they say "Have we ever lied to you before? Seriously, try it."<br /><br />And I say "Okay, here's my $10, give me a healthy skincolor!"<br /><br />And then the next day, I look like an Oompa Loompa with a skin condition and walk around trying to figure out why I keep smelling urine.<br /><br />Every. Single. Summer.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-47446033532539020122013-07-01T12:05:00.001-07:002013-07-01T12:05:34.462-07:00The new house has an ant problem.The biggest reason this sucks is... ants.<br /><br />The next biggest reason this sucks is because I'm a fucking slob and these little fuckers are forcing me to be cleaner than I ever wanted to be - no more brioche crumbs on the floor or dirty dishes on the counter for two days. Nope, I have to clean up everything right when I'm done with it. Thanks a lot, ants.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-43694210979046688842013-06-28T16:15:00.002-07:002013-06-28T16:15:57.914-07:00I have never been happier to receive an Amazon package than I was to get this one<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A9uMVltdeAU/Uc4Pc_dt56I/AAAAAAAABeY/zoRs1kmXLKI/s1600/photo+1(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-A9uMVltdeAU/Uc4Pc_dt56I/AAAAAAAABeY/zoRs1kmXLKI/s1600/photo+1(3).JPG" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>Was it a movie? A CD? Cute underwear?<br /><br />Nope, none of that, it was vitamins.<br /><br />Vitamins?<br /><br />Yes, vitamins.<br /><br />For the last 3 months (or so) I've complained to my shrink that I'm still depressed and meds and exercise and a sunshine-simulating lamp aren't doing a much since I still spend most of my time sleeping, wishing I were sleeping or calculating how long it will be until I can be asleep. The doc finally ordered some blood work and it came back this week all perfect except for a double genetic mutation. <br /><br />Not even gonna lie, I was a little bit excited about being told that I'm a genetic mutant. Like, when do I get my class schedule for <span class="st">Xavier Institute for Higher Learning? And where do I find one of those spandex unitards?</span><br /><br />Unfortunately, it turns out that I don't get to be a shapeshifter or control the weather, the only superpower I get is that my body is unable to properly process or utilize folic acid and vitamin B-12. So I need fancy, science-y vitamins that are a little bit spendy, but you know what? I'm worth it.<br />Not to sound like a commercial or anything, but if you're a crazy person like I am and your meds aren't working as well as they should, you should get your <a data-mce-href="http://www.nwhealthcare.net/index.php?id=64" href="http://www.nwhealthcare.net/index.php?id=64" title="MTHFR">MTHFR</a> checked out. And you should refer to it as the MOTHERFUCKER gene because it kind of is. (Seriously, though, the science behind this is new-ish, but it's been linked to all kinds of shitty stuff like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, autism, fibromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, strokes, and a bunch of other gross stuff. Google it, research it, talk to your doctor about it)<br /><br />Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-2028282385531852752013-06-25T21:54:00.000-07:002013-06-25T21:54:38.369-07:00To lighten the mood a littleThe other day, I took my kid to his first concert (<a href="http://iggyazalea.com/work.html">Iggy Azalea</a>&nbsp; - Australian rapper, model and all around classy bitch*) at a club in Hollywood and as we're walking from the car to the club, he says:<br /><br />"Are we allowed to leave?"<br /><br />"What do you mean?"<br /><br />"Are we allowed to leave or do they lock the doors or something?"<br /><br />"Not only do they lock the doors to keep you in, they take attendance at the end and you can't leave until everyone is accounted for."<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4d5PUcxGIXg/UcpyrH9OftI/AAAAAAAABeA/P_3HQaAaMSo/s1600/photo+1(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4d5PUcxGIXg/UcpyrH9OftI/AAAAAAAABeA/P_3HQaAaMSo/s1600/photo+1(1).JPG" height="320" width="239" /></a></div><br /><br />It was a really good show, although I was pretty sure I was going to go blind from all the flashes from all the selfies people were taking. And can we all agree that super drunk chicks who want to grind on people**, couples who want to make out and people who are 6'5" or taller need to not be anywhere in the first 10 or 11 rows of general admission?<br /><br />*I'm not being a creep, she called herself that during the show<br /><br />** this drunk chick was rubbing her ass on my purse (which I was wearing across my body) for so long that I think my purse might be pregnantVeruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-30162798410159495882013-06-25T09:16:00.000-07:002013-06-25T09:16:00.778-07:00Last week started out with finding out on Sunday night that the owners of the house we were going to be leasing as of Tuesday weren't moving out*<br /><br />This week started out with having to get my precious Siamese kitty put to sleep**. <br /><br />Next week I can only assume will include a zombie apocalypse or swarm of killer bees.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />*almost worse than that was the almost-landlady's response to giving us 36 hours that we were going to be homeless notice was "yeah, well, what're ya gonna do?" - no, bitch, it's not like we ordered Coke at a restaurant and they only had Pepsi. You gave us less than 2 days notice that we had no place to live. (Fortunately, the Dude managed to procure another house that we are now moved into)<br /><br />** a couple months ago, he was diagnosed with cancer and, after a few good weeks, he started going downhill FAST and we had to do what was best for him even if we selfishly wanted to keep him with us forever.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-32305951410179017162013-06-15T22:28:00.001-07:002013-06-15T22:28:41.712-07:00A perfect illustration of my specific blend of depressionI get invited to some kind of function that actually sounds like something I would like. I realize that I would much prefer to stay home and be angry at the zit on my chin.<br /><br /><br /><br />my shrink ordered blood work since I've complained to him for the last 3 or 4 months that I'm still grossly depressed and nothing is helping. One of the things he requested that the lab test for was some kind of dna mutation, so I just want to let everyone know that I might be an X-Man or some kind of superhero. Fingers crossed that I get to upgrade to a superpower better than "Always Saying The Exact Wrong Thing In Any Given Situation". I mean, I'm not saying that I need to be able to fly or turn invisible, but I'd just like something useful.Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-54352193844830744602013-05-22T14:14:00.000-07:002013-05-22T14:14:34.462-07:00I've kind of been feeling like I'm having a shitty week* and then, when I was on my way home from dropping off my kid at school, I saw a guy coming out of a liquor store at 8:30AM, clutching a 6 pack of Budweiser like it was his only friend in the world<br /><br />So, yeah, I'm officially no longer complaining.<br /><br />*blah blah blah depression, blah blah blah stress about movingVeruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-86179496145915277992013-05-15T15:44:00.001-07:002013-05-15T15:44:24.116-07:00Both ends of the communication spectrumI found out that my brother's wife is pregnant via a comment one of her friends left on her facebook.<br /><br />Some random person with whom I've been playing What's That Phrase sent me a personal message on the game to let me know that he (or she, I don't know) was going to be away for the weekend and didn't know if he (or she) would have internet access to be able to take their turns*.<br /><br /><br /><br />*turns out that they do, in fact, have internet access in Vermont. Who knew?Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7596056.post-9430368356906385392013-05-14T11:17:00.001-07:002013-05-14T11:17:25.602-07:00How to ruin an otherwise perfectly pleasant conversation<b>someone:</b> so, are you still doing that... what's that stuff you do?<br /><br /><b>me:</b> ...<br /><br /><b>someone:</b> what is it? Knitting or sewing or whatever?<br /><br /><b>me:</b> ... art? Are you asking if I'm still an artist?<br /><br /><b>someone:</b> oh, yeah, that. Are you still doing that stuff? <br /><br /><br />pro-tip for dealing with artsy/craftsy/creative people - if you're going to be dismissive and act like that person spends the days gluing macaroni to construction paper, just don't bring it up, mmmmkay?Veruca Salthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16565137346177988062noreply@blogger.com1