“Victory” Is Making People Go To A Different Part Of Walmart To Buy Cosmo, Evidently

As Calico notes in her latest post about Cosmo and Walmart, life is filled with victories and losses, some major, some minor. Did you find the correct place to turn without the aid of your car’s GPS system? Chalk one up for the good guys! Did you stub your toe on the coffee table while stumbling around looking for your TV remote? Ah well, better luck next time.

What can be irritating, though, is when someone celebrates some small triumph as though they just invented a new vaccine, or acts like their bowling trophy from a local tournament should be given the same esteem as an Olympic medal. Calico is currently irritated by an activist group over-celebrating a recent “victory” of its own, in fact. Read all about it in her new post, “’Victory’ Is Making People Go To A Different Part Of Walmart To Buy Cosmo, Evidently”

Just today, for example, I managed to get the top off a new jar of pickles without human or mechanical assistance – a clear win!

Moments later, however, I sprayed myself with mustard from a squeeze bottle while assembling the same sandwich the pickles were destined to adorn. This was a minor defeat, to be sure, but also a potentially long-lasting one in the stained blouse department.

I’m not the only one celebrating a win today, of course – because a certain anti-porn organization is busily tooting its own self-righteous horn over a victory so momentous, so staggering, it will mean people shopping at WalMart will have to remember to go to the magazine section to purchase a magazine which used to be right next to the cash register.

With Victories Like This, Clearly Sexual Exploitation Will Be A Thing Of The Past Any Day Now

If you’re the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, just because your goals are lofty — the group says it exists to “advocate for a world free from all forms of sexual exploitation – this doesn’t mean you can’t dance like a national championship-winning college basketball team to the strains of “One Shining Moment” over your every success.

This is true whether the win is getting a few hotel chains to drop porn from their in-room movie offerings (leaving hotel guests only the in-room WiFi, their mobile devices and the internet to turn to for their porn fix), or the NCOSE’s latest victory, getting Walmart to remove Cosmopolitan magazine from its checkout aisles.

“This is what real change looks like in our #MeToo culture,” gushed Dawn Hawkins, the executive director of the NCOSE, in a statement about Walmart’s decision to remove the magazine from its checkout lanes. “NCOSE is proud to work with a major corporation like Walmart to combat sexually exploitative influences in our society. Women, men, and children are bombarded daily with sexually objectifying and explicit materials, not only online, but in the checkout line at the store.”

Setting aside the absurd claim this decision has something to do with “#MeToo culture” (have you heard any woman not associated with the NCOSE connect the #MeToo movement to the notion of changing what part of a big box store sells Cosmo? #MeNeither), let’s grant for the sake of argument that Cosmo is involved in “sexual exploitation” and ask ourselves this question: How does changing the precise location in which a store sells a sexually exploitative magazine constitute a “victory” over such exploitation?

To me, this is a little like the NYPD declaring victory in the War On Drugs because it got a guy selling model glue to move his adhesive-peddling operation from the corner of 7th Avenue and 46th Street to the corner of 10th Avenue and 59th Street. Oh sure, heroin, crack and other hard drugs would still be readily available elsewhere in the Big Apple, but at least the local glue-sniffers would have to travel further for their fix, and it would be out of sight of tourists who come around for a glimpse at the neon glitz of Times Square.

Make No Mistake, This Cosmo/Walmart Thing Is A VERY BIG DEAL (But In An Incremental Way)

“Walmart’s removal of Cosmo from checkout lines is an incremental but significant step toward creating a culture where women and girls are valued as whole persons, rather than as sexual objects,” Hawkins added in her declaration of victory. “We are grateful for Walmart’s cooperation and for Walmart leadership’s recognition that corporations must do their part to change #MeToo culture.”

The hype doesn’t stop there, though, because Walmart isn’t just responding to pressure, it’s leading the way toward a better, kinder, less exploitative corporate world, by bravely relocating a single publication to another part of its stores.

“Walmart’s decision makes it a leader and trailblazer in corporate responsibility,” Hawkins added, presumably without breaking into laughter as she did so.

“Ensuring Walmart’s new policy is enforced across the country will require continued vigilance,” she opined. “We applaud Walmart and also call on our supporters and those in our coalition to monitor Walmart’s progress as it works to implement this pivotal policy change.”

Yes, we must all work together to ensure Cosmo isn’t sold in the wrong part of Walmart – you know, if our poor virgin eyes can possibly withstand the horror of being exposed to disgusting, obscene headlines like “How To Get & Give Supreme Pleasure” and “Sexier Skin 2.0 Miracle-Working Lotions & Potions (Thank You, Science)” or the dreaded “When the Guy You Love Doesn’t Take Your #MeToo Story Seriously.”

Wait, the guy you love doesn’t take your #MeToo story seriously? Have you checked his nightstand for a copy of that terrible pornographic rag Cosmopolitan? If so and you found one there, try placing it to his bathroom, instead; I hear moving that magazine does wonders in terms of changing our #MeToo culture.

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original porn site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original porn site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite. Calico’s work has appeared under various pen names in adult industry trade journals and on several mainstream op-ed portals, including the Huffington Post.

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