quote:In fairness, this type of thing has always been frowned upon from the beginning. Rowland might have shut it down years ago. Don't think with the limited amount of posters now that Rowland pays much attention unless contacted.

Threads like this could escalate with multiple people doing the same. Some for valid reasons and others to make some cash. Not really the intent of the forum. People have donated to members' families after some unfortunate deaths but never with a "Fund Me" online type of venture.

That said - Arlene is obviously in need so she is trying. I mentioned that I didn't think this was going to be some miracle place to raise funds and it isn't. But the forum did support to a degree. But it is not the answer. I think that alone is reason enough to not get twisted with debate/pros and cons. After weeks, this forum has done what it can and will. Endless bumping up the thread will just continue the direction that it has been going in. Especially when Arlene at times gets critical even when that is not her intention. I think it will just aggravate her more without generating more cash. My 2 cents.

I personally believe Arlene but she could also be a 40 yr old guy in Mexico. If not her running a con then what about the next person? That is why this type of stuff or selling things was not allowed originally.

I imagine that doing interviews, Arlene must have gotten some things signed. Perhaps an auction type fund raiser could generate something.

I think you make some good points.

My point is there are Moderators here (Rowland absent or not) that can shut the thread down if they choose.

I hope Arlene is who she says she is because I donated to her and would not want to get ripped off. From her comments on the Fund Me page, it seems that she knows a number of the folks who contributed. I wish her well.

I believe her completely. Hope her situation changes an soon even if it is small steps at first. You had some great ideas as did others. Even if they are avenues Arlene has tried or some she may not want to. Eventually someone may have a great idea/advice for her. Sometimes resources are as valuable long term.

Now if the thread continues to get all twisted then I do have an idea. A book entitled Please Help With Emergency Thank You. Just post the thread as is. No need for writing, just some editing and it becomes a Cult Classic and Arlene makes millions. Now there is a happy ending.

quote:Arlene is there a roof over your head? We do not need to know where, do not give out the location to people. Having worked in social work for 7 1/2 years I KNOW how the system works and doesn't work. Some of the shelters are not bad, if you are a couple then you get your own room. If not, they pair you up with someone you don't even know for one night, then the next day it could be someplace else with someone else you do not know. Bear in mind these people also are in crisis with many problems, life, logistical, emotional. If you can find some churches talk to some of the priests, they may let you sleep in there at night; in NYC some of the churches let the occupy wall street protesters sleep there during the winter. That would be better than a single person in a shelter situation.

Since you need an address for welfare, go online and find foreclosed properties, use one of those addresses. Pick up your mail there. Just try to be discreet, come home in the dark and leave in the morning in the dark. if they have a shed in the back, that would put a roof over your head, or a garage would also do and probably be better. Get a sleeping bag or an inflatable air mattress.

You might even be able to negotiate something with the bank holding the note on the property, tell them you would like to stay there while they are trying to sell it, and offer some rent. Any income on the property is better than nothing. If there are busses, mass transit, you can get around. You cannot remain in the position you are in now. You have to think outside the box.

If you can take a course at a college, you can get an id, you can use their libraries, fitness centers, they have cheap places to eat etc.

In the summer and off season many of them also rent out the dorms nightly, much cheaper than a hotel.

What do you do with your stuff? Get a cheap storage unit and some totes, put things in there.

Yes all this requires some money, but you got to do what you need to do to keep a roof over your head, and take care of your needs.

Churches have pantry and soup kitchens. The food is free, Habitat for Humanity runs respectable, compassionate ones and do not harass you for your life story.

As to the new car, get a mini van, it is easier to live in something where you can at least lay out flat. SUV's have big gas guzzling engines, the minivans are 4 cylinder, and drive like a car does. You take out the back seats and you can lay down.

Arlene, if you can drive, (and it is not a great job) most towns need bus drivers for the school kids. The pay is good. The job conditions, not so much, but most will let you take the smaller busses home if you want to. You could use that to get around.

Arlene when I was young (like 19) I learned to drive an airport limo, but I did not keep that job very long, I did other jobs with less stress. If you can drive, you can drive. Limos and cabs require special licenses and endorsements, the smaller busses may require it but some of the companies may let you train for it and help you pass it. Consider it. Wheels and a paycheck will help you a lot.

[Edited on 4/22/2017 by gina]

There's some good advice here.

Arleen, are you able to move in with friends or a roommate at all? Are you on disability? You do not have to have children in order to be on it if you are disabled. I know people who are on both state and federal disability who do not have children and they were easily able to get it.

I remember not having a home at 18..... couches, extended stays, wear out your welcome, even sneaking in friends garage late every night to sleeping bag it behind their back.... I got cheap student loan and got in drafting school, ate beans and potatoes for a year to make it through.

Recently, a few years ago, I got a dose of no money again. Small rental, huge (for me) debt. Spent 4 1/2 years paying it off. Learned frugality again. Use empty bread loaf bags again for sandwich bags to take peanut butter and jelly to work. Squeeze every angle. Had a great vehicle (96 Bronco) that my daughter got in a bind, so I gave it to her. I walked and was frugal for 2 years. A was asked a couple of times if I was homeless (?)... I rented the cheapest place I could that was safe downtown and created a world within walking distance, my work included. So no money sucks we all know.

I have a chair and tables on Craigslist for $75. IF I sell it I will donate some to your cause.

My unsolicited advice:

Create a world with a room and safety in an urban area that food and incidentals can be bought within walking distance. I found there is so much available in my downtown world.

Forget the car. Even with a free car, insurance, gas, and maintenance is over a year averaged to a few hundred a month. A whammy repair and yer done in a frugal world. New? 25K min? Operate frugal. The minimum say 200 a month keeping a car legal and going (that is optimism side of $ range). is 2400 a year. One can take many taxi rides for 25-50 each and be far less than 2400. I used taxi as my last option, rarely used. (We don't have bus to speak of here). If you have bus or train, sorry, car is a luxury and a $ that can be used for financial recovery instead of point A to B purpose, which is all a car is.

Until you get a stable location. Get a PO Box if you haven't. It is a face of stability and a place to get mail without interruption. Find a way to create a fake address until you have a real one. Use it in job applications. Storefront, friend address, do that.

I would make daily outings to every church, charity, municipal agency, citizens group, read ever free rag for jobs, I would hope there was a maybe mix of charity in giving of a job, but somewhere I could play some skill or semi skill into an exchange where I improved me. I feel if I spun energy that way something would happen.

Arlene, what I haven't read is a plan. You need a plan. Beyond money for apartment and car. Then what? A plan to sustain it. No matter how simple, how little an existence one needs a plan to attempt. I feel maybe donations might pick up if you showed: here is where I am, here is what I modestly hope for, and here is what I plan to do.

Sorry for long winded, I will throw a small amount if that damn table sells. But my last point: Expectations or hopes.... Most all people with any income, no matter how much, have it most of it or all of it committed. It is probably committed to debt payoff, cost of living, or if smart, to their financial future. And seeing from the outside may be incorrect. I eat out once a week or every other week. It is my one pleasure in life. I have slayed dragons to get that. But someone could look and say that is frivolous money. Another example, my old car. It cost less than a new round econo egg car on a car lot. But it can be looked at as an extravagance. I suppose I could sell and give to worthy causes. But at age 61 I finally have one not primered and ratty. So everyone has their story and we all just need kindness spread firstly. But also there is definite correlation between actions and reactions, life always gets down to math and physics, I always say.

____________________*We Speak Analog* all else is a foreign language...

I don't know where most of you guys live but here in Providence we have social progams specifically designed and set up for people down on their luck. I can name at least four places where people can go to sleep and eat. That's just in Providence, there are probably more and certainly in the surrounding towns.

at one where I volunteered, people would sleep there, had to be out by seven a.m., go to work, come back for 5, eat, shower (women have their own private area, sleeping quarters, showers, tv) hang out, go to sleep. They're treated with respect and dignity.

with all the social programs and agencies and whatnot out there, all one has to do is look, be diligent. The resources are there, one just needs to look to find them. Some of these places, ALL of these places can't wait to help people out. That's why they're there.

Bad stuff can happen to anyone. Arlene is in a bad time, so reached out to those to whom she has some sense of kinship and family. When people are in crisis most ask for help. There have been some good ideas presented. She's trying to keep it together while in crisis. That makes a lot of people uncomfortable because deep down they know it could happen to them also, and they need to believe it never could. Look at Butch's situation, he was in crisis and could not find solutions to deal with his problems, he was iconic, loved by musicians and fans alike, yet he felt there was only one way out for him, and his chose a tragic exit. That's how bad things can be for anybody. So the criticism to Arlene seem wrong. She is trying to survive and do better.

Look at what happened to Erin Moran, and she was a celebrity. Dieing in a trailer park.

____________________"Mankind is a single nation" "Allah did not make you a single people so he could try you in what he gave you, to him you will all return, he will inform you where you differed". Quran Chapter 2 Sura 213

quote:Bad stuff can happen to anyone. Arlene is in a bad time, so reached out to those to whom she has some sense of kinship and family. When people are in crisis most ask for help. There have been some good ideas presented. She's trying to keep it together while in crisis. That makes a lot of people uncomfortable because deep down they know it could happen to them also, and they need to believe it never could. Look at Butch's situation, he was in crisis and could not find solutions to deal with his problems, he was iconic, loved by musicians and fans alike, yet he felt there was only one way out for him, and his chose a tragic exit. That's how bad things can be for anybody. So the criticism to Arlene seem wrong. She is trying to survive and do better.

Look at what happened to Erin Moran, and she was a celebrity. Dieing in a trailer park.

The point was that even celebrities have no assurance of an easy life, or being protected from devastation. That was the point.

I don't know about Erin's problems other than I read that she had stayed with her Mother who was in a trailer park, them the other article about the cancer. It is truly a tragic end.

I don't think that celebrities are different than anyone else except for the financial aspect. People are people. When they were created all were created equally, it is just life and other people that create the differences and the status.

In the end when we all return to God for Judgment Day, the celebs will not be at the front of the line or in a VIP area. Wherever you are when he calls everyone, that's where your place in line will be, I don't know where those who are resurrected will be, if they were martyred maybe they will not have to go thru Judgment because it has already been passed upon them. it will be an interesting time.

____________________"Mankind is a single nation" "Allah did not make you a single people so he could try you in what he gave you, to him you will all return, he will inform you where you differed". Quran Chapter 2 Sura 213

I don't think people should be defined by a mental illness, Ron. She was more than that. And are child actors less than adult actors? Wait, yes, they get abused by work that others often pocket! And all this detracts from this OP thread. Sorry on intrusion. I sold the table so a small bit went out.

____________________*We Speak Analog* all else is a foreign language...

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