Trombone Jokes

When you’re at the playground, you can always tell which child plays the trombone.

It’s the one that can’t swing and doesn’t know how to use the slide.

What do you call a trombone that was born into the body of a trumpet?

A ***TRANS***-^bone.

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Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

“I got my neighbor to lend me his trombone.”

“But you don’t play the trombone.”

“I know. And now he doesn’t, either.”

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited.

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.” \- Twenty minutes later they’re ringing...

I used to sit in front of the trombones in band

I would keep both my sheet music, as well as theirs, so I knew when to duck.

What do you call a trombone player who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

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Two mates were reminiscing about the party they'd been at the week before..

"Great party that, last week, wasn't it?" "Wow, yes, great food, great booze, great girls...and a posh house to boot." "Posh house?? it was a suburban semi?" "Never....they had a gold-plated toilet?" "What?, I can't remember that, you must have been drunk." "No, honestly, I remem...

A human fart can be louder than a trombone.

I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

A truck ran over a trombone player...

You could say he was a little flat.

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What do you call a musician's erection?

A tromboner.

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What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

If you were thinking a tromBONE you were wrong - they have no lungs! Obviously it’s a xyloBONE!

(Probably a really crappy joke but I came up with it last night and thought to post it here)

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In college, I was in a Ska band called ‘Grandpa’s Dirty Butt’

We exclusively played trombones.

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

A long time ago a man was walking around the streets of Vienna...

...when he spied an old friend of his. "Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," Boris replied, "I am the piccolo player for an International Orchestra."

The hidden golden toilet

Two friends, Barry and Larry, meet up at the restaurant for lunch and order some food.

While eating, Barry talks about what happened to him a few nights ago:

“Man, you’re never going to believe me: on Thursday night after being quite drunk, I ended up in a bar where if you order the st...

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One friends asks the other one what time is it

Hey john, what time is it?

Oh I don’t know .. get me that trombone and we will see

He blows really hard and someone screams

WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING TROMBONE AT 2 IN THE MORNING ??

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Brass Section

I've been told different instruments are played better if you have more control over certain parts of your body.

Tubas are played better by those who have more lung control and breathing practice.

Baritones are played better by those with quick and precise tongues.

French Ho...

What is a dogs favorite instrument?

A trombone.

I asked a girl in marching band what cup size she had

She said she was a C, but since it was cold I guess she was a C#.

Bonus Round:

She pulled it out of her trombone and said about 6 inches.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus

The bartender says the the guy "we can't have that octopus in here".

The guys responds, saying "but this is a special octopus - he can play any musical instrument you tell him to"

So the bartender points to the piano and says "get him to play the piano then... and I'll give you a free ...

There was once a marching band director named James

James had a passion for music, but also a notoriously bad temper. One day during practice, one of his trombone players kept playing out of tune. After the third time yelling at him, James decided to come down and beat him over the head with the trombone, and James ended up killing him. The trial was...

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The municipal philharmonic symphony and chorus were rehearsing....

The municipal philharmonic symphony andchorus were rehearsing Symphony No. 9 by Ludwig Von Beethoven. Sincethe chorus doesn't enter until the final movement, the singers were becoming very bored - especially the men in the back row. Then the basses had a clever idea. During break, th...

Collection of band jokes:

I used to be in a Jazz band and there were a bunch of band jokes our conductor made, here are the ones I can remember:

How do you know if a drummer is at your door?

He never knows when to come in.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the piano ...

A guy is talking to two women in a bar...

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be conjoined twins and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.