Korn/Untouchables

Forcing myself to listen to this album completely, without stopping once, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The memory of listening to Untouchables will continue to haunt me to the day I die. I have now suffered for my sins.

Short Review : Don’t buy this CD. Don’t download it, don’t borrow a copy, don’t do anything with a connection to this CD. It is one of the worst CDs I have ever listened to.

Long Review : A friend of mine came to me a few days ago with a copy of this CD. He was laughing when he gave it to me, he told me to listen to it and tell him what he thought. I should have known something was wrong when he said he had no use of it anymore. “The new KoRn? It probably sucks.” He laughed even harder and walked away. If only I had known what he knew… I should punch him in the face for giving me this CD. Bastard.

A few months ago, an early version of this entire album was leaked to the Internet. People downloaded it (Including myself, the worst time I have ever wasted) and hated it. So KoRn, probably in the middle of mixing it, said that the album was totally unfinished and sprinted back into the recording studios to try to undo the piles of shit they called “songs”. Meanwhile, the album was shuffled back and forth between release dates, finally settling on June 11th. Whoo. Also, KoRn decided to release their DVD movie Deuce on the 11th, making it a “KoRnY-DAY”! HAHAHA fuck you.

I popped two Aspirins as I sat down to listen to this thing KoRn called ‘our next CD’. Past interviews and quotes came bubbling up from my mind like memories of fucking an Asian hooker. “This will be the heaviest album ever made.” said their bassist. Un-fucking-believable. I pushed PLAY.

Forcing myself to listen to this album completely, without stopping once, was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The memory of listening to Untouchables will continue to haunt me to the day I die. I have now suffered for my sins. After the CD finished, I walked to get a few towels to soak up the blood-loss from my ears. Afterwards, as I prayed to Satan, I asked Him, “Why? Why did you release this punishment upon this world?”

This is officially the WORST CD OF 2002 and the year isn’t even over with. I can’t believe KoRn actually put this piece of shit out for people to buy. It sucks. It just flat-out SUCKS. Going back into the studio didn’t help at all.

I won’t even waste your time going over the songs, naming all the bad qualities of them. Quick summary : Vocalist Jonathan Davis is whining and bitching about how bad his life is (who would have predicted that?) while the guitarists play 4 chords over and over, the bassist slaps the fucking bass guitar trying to make a sound and the “drummer” (should I even call him that? It’s a disgrace to all drummers of this world) plays just enough to provide a back-beat.

The drumming is unbelievably horrid. It’s laughable. Does this guy know of something called “double bass”? It can make those songs you claim as “heavy” even more heavier to have just a simple double bass track underlying them.

I tried. I wanted to give this album a good review. This CD is a piece of shit, I snapped it in half and threw it out my window. What really pisses me off about this is that KoRn said it would be good! They LIED! Their fucking bassist said it would be the heaviest album ever made! Soilwork’s latest CD fucking DESTROYS this album and you know what I thought of that! I do think Untouchables has some value : use it as a torture device.

You want to know some information some punk is withholding? Subject him to Untouchables. I guarantee you he will be ratting out everyone he knows after just 2 plays. And I do have some respect for KoRn : They recently apologized for helping Limp Bizkit become what they are today. “Yeah, sorry about that…I mean, Fred Durst knocked on our bus door in Jacksonville like, ‘Hey man, listen to my tape,’ so it’s our fault.” said their guitarist. Thanks for apologizing man.

If there is such a thing as ‘hope’ in this world, then KoRn will die a most gruesome and horrible death with this release. Nobody will buy it and all “nu-metal” bands will follow with their deaths. PLEASE SATAN, I BEG OF YOU, LET MY PROPHECY COME TRUE!!!