Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 20

“The Apprentice 3” (KOB-4 7:30 p.m.) Well, the last “Apprentice” outing wasn't all that exciting. (Does anyone really care what P.R. flack Donald Trump slaps on the payroll?) At least this new season, pitting “street smarts” against “book smarts” follows close on the heels of the last one, giving fans little down time.

Friday 21

“Monk” (USA 8 p.m.) Tony Shalhoub is really only tolerable for a season, a season-and-a-half tops. Hence, I greet this year's season premiere of mystery-solving series “Monk” with some amount of trepidation.

Saturday 22

Larva (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) It's time, once again, to spin the Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie Wheel of Fortune. First, we need a leading man from a canceled science fiction series (Vincent Ventresca from “The Invisible Man”). Next, we need an aging former model to fill the girlfriend/monster bait slot (Rachel Hunter). Now, all we require is a random creature that we can mutate to gigantic proportions (insect larva). Hmmm. That wasn't the best spin of the wheel, but it will have to do for tonight.

Sunday 23

Riding the Bullet (USA 6 p.m.) Director Mick Garris better pray that Stephen King never dies. This is Garris' fifth adaptation of a King novel. In this one, a Maine art student hitchhikes across the state to visit his ailing mother. Along the way, he encounters assorted strange people, including a dude who may be Death.

“Numb3rs” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Rob Morrow (“Northern Exposure”) and David Krumholtz (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle) star in this new CBS crime series (who could have guessed?) about an FBI agent who recruits his mathematical genius little brother to help solve crimes. You never know when the square root of Pi is gonna solve a kidnapping case.

Widow on the Hill (Lifetime 7 p.m.) In this new made-for-TV drama, a young girl tries to convince her father (James Brolin) that he may have married a gold-digging murderess (Natasha Henstridge from Species). ... Tough call. I mean, it is Natasha Henstridge. Might be worth it.

Tuesday 25

“Celebrity Poker Showdown 5” (Bravo 6 p.m.) The celebs ante up for another season. Rubbing the felt this time around will be Brad Garrett, Catherine O'Hara, Curt Shilling, Ray Romano and Sara Rue.

Wednesday 26

“The Simple Life 3” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) In this new season, Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie find themselves interning at a series on jobs, for which I'm willing to bet they are imminently unqualified. When is America going to catch on that these gals are the least interesting “celebrities” in existence.

“Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica” (MTV 11 p.m.) Well, perhaps I spoke too soon. The third season of this MTV reality staple kicks off tonight, begging the question: What exactly qualifies these people newlyweds?