You probably agree: Evan Low was one of the true highlights of Angry Asian Man’s 30 under 30 list this year.

He is, after all, only 26. He’s also adorably handsome, with the kind of ready smile that somehow seems to denote a firm handshake and kind demeanor. And in 2006, months before the little bugger had even been elected to City Council in the city of Campbell, SF Mayor Newsom had officially declared June 5 “Evan Low Day” for San Fransiscans. The guy has his own day. Seriously.

Mayor Low

As a city council member, Low quickly racked up distinctions as the first openly gay, Chinese American and youngest person in the Campbell City Council. He was also noted as the State of California’s youngest, openly gay official.

We can barely contain our excitement about a young, hot, gaysian rocking such a prestigious city office–but we will because we’re also reallyreallyreallyreally jealous that he has achieved so frickin’ much with nary a wrinkle around his happy eyes.

We sat down for an exclusive, intimate interview about a range of topics, like how she got motivated for her Rice role and how she keeps that face so fucking infuriatingly perfect. Who the hell is that pretty? It’s infuriating. And no, this is not jealousy talking. Shut up. Shut up!

I heard somewhere, once, that Olga Kurylenko (hot Bond girl) was born with six fingers on each hand. This tale also included mysterious details of Olga having digits #11 and #12 removed during her babyhood or youth, a formative element of her awkward early development. Eventually, she would blossom into a swan–with mile-long legs, striking cheekbones, and shimmering skin–and since she was all grown up and out-of-this-world hot, she could drop the little finger factoid casually in interviews ever after. What a curious creature! What a fabulous story!

Phew! I could actually like this woman, because she wasn’t one of those awful people that had spent their entire life being too pretty to be interesting, fun, smart or kind.

Let me just state right here and now that I have nothing against people with more than ten fingers (or less). And why should I? Who am I to judge a person based on how many body parts they have compared to most other people? That is simply not the point.

But I must say I was fascinated by this particular tidbit about Kurylenko. Like truly fascinated, almost to the point of obsession. Should I have happened across her visage on the glossy cover of Maxim, for instance, I would immediately begin to pore over the images of the editorial spread, quickly skipping past her flawless face and strategically peppered bits of clothing to eye the shape of her hands. After all that, how did those hands end up looking so gosh-darn perfect? I would wonder. Is it simply the magic of Photoshop? Or how much cosmetic surgery did that entail? Now that I think about it, what kind of extra fingers did she have, anyway? Two extra pinkies or two extra thumbs? Or an extra ring finger? Or a bonus nubby thing?

So here comes the big moment.

This morning, as I glanced over the first few images from a particularly beautiful behind-the-scenes spread of Kurylenko posing for the 2010 Campari calendar, I thought I had something figured out. Somebody busted.

THEY AREN’T SHOWING HER HANDS! OMG, THEY CAN’T SHOW HER HANDS!!!WOW! I thought. (Please keep in mind that this was just a minor triumph for me, as I did obviously accept that this was a rather dubious achievement/realization. But STILL…)

Look ma, no hands

No hands

No hands

Maybe with BTS photos, there isn’t time for adequate airbrushing, so they just omitted everything below her wrists! I said aloud, as if it was possible. I thought, Perhaps despite her elegant poses and near-perfect physique, there’s simply too much evidence of ol’ number #11 and #12 here! Which means this is no myth! This is really real! I don’t know why I care, but I do!

Like right now, for example: we’ve been watching our pen pal Tze Chun’s film, Children of Invention, make the festival rounds and rack up gobs of sparkling accolades and awards. And they’re not little awards, either: Special Jury Prizes at the Nashville, Sarasota, and San Francisco International Asian American Film Festivals (for example), The Grand Jury Prize at the Independent Film Fest in Boston, blah blah blah win win win. Agh!

Most recently, Invention scored the Grand Jury Prize for Best Feature in our very own grown-up hometown, at the LAAPFF.

OMG, we just realized that you’re a superstar and you’ve only just turned 18 and you’ve got no worry creases or laugh lines or drinker’s pooch or nicotine stains on your teeth yet, just a career and millions of dollars and the limit of the sky. Ugh. We feel nauseous. We feel old. We feel jealous. We hate you all over again.