I'm not sure what kind of e-pheromones Son of Zone Baby is exuding to elicit such a positive result (besides the fact it has "Son" in the title of course), but if you're looking to read something that will put some hair on your chest, go check it out.

Meanwhile, the blog you're currently reading is holding fast at 52% female, which while not entirely accurate is at least consistent. I for one value consistency over accuracy, which it so happens is the same rationale used by many devotees of friction-shifting. Besides, regardless of whether you're running/rocking male or female reproductive organs, when it comes to being successful the real determining factor is moxie. And like this blog, moxie is gender-neutral. Take this messenger-versus-model race, forwarded to me by a reader:

There's a long tradition of pointless, apples-and-oranges, mismatched exhibition races in our culture. Jesse Owens raced against a horse, Mario Cipollini raced against a horse (though rumors he subsequently bedded it are unsubstantiated), the TV show "Top Gear" pitted a Ford Mustang against a horse, and even I raced against a Smart (but only because no horses were available, probably because the ASPCA got wind of the Mario Cipollini incident). However, I was immediately skeptical about this particular mismatched exhibition race when I heard the messenger, Al Busano, claim that he delivers over a thousand packages a week.

This is a bold claim to say the least. Even if Busano works ten hours a day, seven days a week, he'd need to deliver over 140 packages a day in order to meet that number. That's 14 packages an hour, or roughly one package every four minutes. Either: 1) Busano is omnipresent; 2) Busano delivers mostly interoffice correspondence; or 3) Busano is inflating his number. In any case, even if he is rounding up by a factor of ten, he should have no trouble beating a fashion model on a skateboard, right?

...even if her "secret weapon" is apparently the ability to employ her legs in conjunction with her labia while riding a skateboard, and even if she's wearing the notoriously arresting Sue Ellen Mishky blazer-with-a-bra-for-a-top combo that made Kramer crash his car into a pole in that "Seinfeld" episode:Well, if you were pulling for the mendacious messenger to defeat the skateboarding model rocking a prehensile vagina, I'm sorry to say you were disappointed. Personally, I suspect the contest was rigged, and that the people at Style.com somehow stacked the odds in favor of the model. If they'd really wanted a close race, they'd have made her race against Mario Cipollini, though had they done that there's a good chance the competitors never would have gotten on their respective forms of wheeled conveyance and the video would have taken a decidedly pornographic turn. Or else, they could have used one of the female messengers from this recent New York Times article. My personal choice would have been German emigree Carmen Burkhart, described in the article as "a slight, tight-bodied 43-year-old who smokes and drinks only hot coffee for hydration, even in the summer:"

(Carmen Burkhart: weltschmerz in motion)

In a match-up like that, the smart money would clearly be on the wiry dehydrated nicotine-and-caffeine-addled Teuton over the ditz on the skateboard. Not only that, but the video would have been way more entertaining to watch.

The carbon fiber belt drive bicycle drivetrain is nothing new--we've already seen it from Spot--but Trek is wisely marketing it to the commuter rather than the racer (though Travis Brown has been running and/or rocking one too). While I've been critical of Trek in the past, I have to say that I'm not only in favor of the belt drive commuter bicycle, but moreover I feel as though Trek is doing me a personal favor with it. I've voiced my irritation over the fact that so many commuters are unable to lubricate their drivetrains before, so a bicycle that will run quietly without lubrication is nothing less than a godsend to me. I can only hope that the lubricant-impaired take to this system en masse and I never get stuck behind another squeaky, rusty, non-shifting drivetrain ever again. After all, Trek's fellow Wisconsinites Harley Davidson have already successfully shown the world that when convenience and low maintenance are more important than performance a belt drive is the way to go. (They've also convinced an entire generation of dentists and lawyers to ride around on overpriced flatulent motorcycles while wearing leather chaps, but that's something else.) And the rest of us don't even have to give up our chains--apart from the metaphorical chains that bind us to our irritating noisy-biked cousins, that is.

That Trek is actually a nice bike, although they refer to the color as "vintage grey". Someone should tell Trek that all that grey in the olden days is due to B&W photography. I'd get it resprayed "porn sepia".

Check out that thing above drivetrain, a guard. That's brilliant! A guard to protect your pants (or penis, or labia) from entering the drivetrain. How innovative! This is clearly sprung forth from the fertile minds of Lance's F1 team, which is a great name for a team, in a completely different sport.

Here is the scoop, if you want a CLEAN,QUIET drive train, which is kept that way by a biodegradeable product...GET SOME SQUIRT LUBE! Water and Wax emulsion which lasts a REALLY long time between aps.www.squirtlube.com for reviews...I'm not shitting you, the stuff is the bomb and new in the states as of 2 years ago.

snob, sorry i disagree, a squeaky pulley is like the buzz of a bee. you know it's near, but where is it? That squeak serves a purpose, even if it's a quick snobbish judgement as you pass a school of noisy pulley salmon headed upstreamto work. as for the messenger? lostto a mongo pushing model? is he fictional? a little more public flogging is in order....

AND....if by chance your "belt drive" fails in the field....you are screwed, try carrying an extra around in your jersey pocket. Everytime the bastard unflexes and smacks you in the back of the head you will need to go see you psychiatrist for anger management issues.

RTMS - power steering and serpentime belts squeak. Maybe they'll have to have the cadence of Lance on a fixie in Austin, but I expect you'll encounter squeaky comuter running/rocking a belt drive by 2010.

It appears that ambiguity loves company. As it happens, coming in just behind you, at a very androgynous 51% is none other than Rock Racing's homepage. Must be all those fancy tight jeans.

Unfortunately, Genderanalyzer only does sites written in English, so Cipo's secrets will remain safe for now. The porn bass line on the homepage may be a clue, but I'm betting it's just a clever obfuscation. Too bad he and Ellen Degeneres can't get married in California anymore.

Al is only doing 100 miles a week, so Al is also running/rocking 10 packages per mile, which I don't quite get. He is one of those guys who always claimed to make $1000 a week as a messenger, which at my 2 buck per package rate, i couldn't understand, which is why i lasted a whole month.

Is your IOJB riding technique starting to influence your writing style? Though you may be losing patience with breaks in the literary action, some of your readers need an extra second of time, to complete the knowledge-absorption process. Please help.

I doubt if Gates belts are still made in the USA. The headquarters is in Denver and the company was bought out about 10 years ago. The manufacturing plant here was massive, covering several city blocks. It was closed down and the copper wiring was stolen by meth-addled white trash. Now the area is an "urban redevelopment" and will soon be home to overpriced lofts for yuppies with two chocolate labs and no kids. Like most urban redevelopments, the surrounding neighborhood sucks ass, so keep your Trek Lime locked up well.

Yeah, I noticed the clothing change too. What was the point of that whole race anyway? It proves that with bad video editing you can make a really slow messenger look even slower? That you can make a model's bad taste in clothing look even worse?

You know - if you want to skew that gender analysis more towards 'male' - you should try tea-bagging your top tube. When the temperature has dropped below freezing and your crotch is still warm and gamey from that blitzkrieg from the office to the bar to make happy hour. Yeah, that should do it.

Gates moved their manufacturing from the plant down on Broadway (in Denver) in the early sixties, after a massive worker strike that nearly lost them the business (it's a sort of famous story about labor screwing themselves). The only thing American is their offices (now in the heart of Bro-Do here in Denver).

By gawd you're right, Gates was bought out by Tomkins plc a UK company in 1996. Tomkins is selling for $5.53 a share right now, so go get ya some in case this beltdrivenbike thing takes off...oh shit...another great site idea! beltdrivenbikegallery.com. I just can't get enough of this stuff!

That messenger was riding as about as slow as someone who would buy a Trek Soho. Not to mention- waiting at a traffic light??? Come on.

I think the airheads at Style.com took the "I deliver thousands of packages" a little too literally, he never said he delivered thousands of packages in a week.

If only the model had ridden the hipster pink Fixie at the modelling agency, then we could had a great shot of her being kicked OTB and see her facial bones (since it's 1mm below the skin) grind along the asphalt in the same way that she can't stop on a skateboard.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!