Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm not perfect. I don't believe that perfection is possible unless you are Elohim. In fact, I would prefer to think of myself as an imperfect believer than to think of myself as being equal to Him. I make simple mistakes and I give in to temptations much more often than is reasonable for someone who has been following after Yeshua for more than two years now. Sometimes I even give in knowing that what I'm doing is wrong because it is so much easier to chase after the flesh than to follow Him.

But I am confused. I have noticed a lack of humility in some branches of the community of believers. The obvious eagerness to be "right" seems to have clouded the overall vision. More often than not, it seems that believers are eager to point out the speck in another's eye, while avoiding the subject of the beam in their own. For me, this has resulted in the sensation of being cornered or trapped by my own sin while looking around me to see the apparent sinlessness of my sisters in Messiah.

Please don't misunderstand: I want help and need guidance. I'm a young believer and moreover there is no church for my family at the moment (for several reasons I may outline in a future post). I desire the fellowship and the togetherness.

The truth is that there is no "perfect" believer (regardless of what some say -- and I mean that literally). Romans tells us "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (3:23 KJV)

It is impossible for us to fully support one another as long as we wear the mantle of perfectionism. So please, let us stop and share with one another our stumblings as well as our successes, so that those of us who are most discouraged can know that we aren't alone.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I'm not feeling up to writing very much right now. The last few days have been something of a struggle for a variety of reasons. My family was out of town to visit my parents and friends out of state for a few days and it takes some time to get assimilated back at home. I hope that the transition will be easier this time than it was the last time we were away to North Carolina.

The issues of feminism are still very much on my mind, but I want to be able to tackle the subject fresh instead of when I'm feeling so particularly exhausted.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Recently I have been exposed to a lot of talk about choices, in particular the fact that women (and girls) must be allowed to make a choice of whether or not to work outside the home or to be home makers (like I am). The feminists who have been raising these arguments make it clear that they believe that it is wrong (I interpret this as "abusive") to raise daughters to be home makers or boys to work outside the home. My understanding is that they feel that if we raise our children with traditional values and an understanding of traditional gender roles, that we are denying them the ultimate choice to take their own path.

Does this remind anybody else about the misperceptions surrounding home schooling?

My daughter will have the same choice that I had when I was growing up: the choice between right and wrong.

I will teach her, yes. I will teach her based on the principles of a life lived by faith. I will teach her by a living example of a mother who keeps the home and loves YHWH through her submission to Him. She will see me reading Scripture, memorizing key passages; she will see me in prayer, worshipping and crying out to Yah; she will see me striving to become a better wife and mother; she will see me submit to her father and honor him; she will see me work at home industry to support her father's efforts. My child(ren) will learn by the example of the parents, who are believers in Yeshua Hamashiach.

I believe in salvation -- in Heaven and Hell as literal places. I believe that the only way for us to receive the gift of salvation is through Yeshua, the Messiah who came to save us from our sins by sacrficing himself in our place. I believe that to forsake Messiah is to choose Hell and eternal separation from our Creator. And I believe that we are called to keep His commandments and to obey Him, because it is in so doing that we show our love for Our Abba.

If I love my children, I must place them on a narrow path. If they stray from it in their adulthood, then I will grieve in the realization that I failed somewhere. To do anything other than to set them on the path of righteousness -- the path to salvation! -- would be abuse. If I believe that anything else is to damn them to a literal Hell, would it not make me a terrible mother if I let them decide their own way when they are too young to truly know better?

So no, I will not encourage any future sons to "play with dolls." I will not teach my daughters that they ought to work outside the home, forsaking marriage and family as it was designed by Adonai. I will not blur the lines of gender, because YHWH is represented distinctly through the differences in men and women. No, I will not tell Elohim that He was wrong when He created my daughters female or my sons male. He does not make mistakes!

Yes, my daughter has a choice, and she will make it when she is old enough to do so. I will not force her to be baptized. I will not force my daughter to wear a covering on her head as I do. I will not "make" her choose the Messianic path, and I will not use coersion. If she wishes to work outside the home and to not have a family, that is her choice. If she wishes to leave her children with their grandparents while she goes to work, I will "babysit" for free.

I will support my daughter, regardless of the decisions that she makes, and I will continue to pray for her that El-Yah will open her eyes to His truth.

It is not wrong for me to do this: It would be wrong for me not to do this. You will not change my mind, or the minds of those like me. You will not convince us to raise our children in a "moderate" environment.

"So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:16)

Monday, May 3, 2010

I am a frustrated young woman. I have a wonderful husband who I love dearly, and a two year old daughter who is very precious to me. While my life certainly isn't perfect, I have so much to be thankful for and am surrounded by so much love.

It has been a huge source of disappointment for me over the course of the past two years to discover that I'm frustrated. I have moments of bitterness, times when I'm angry or discouraged. I suffer from depression a lot, and am inclined all too often to be short tempered with both my husband and my daughter. I lack a true and abiding spirit of love for others. I give up too easily.

I've not been a very good follower of Messiah.

I read recently on a head covering site where a woman said that if we wear the covering but are cantankerous that we are a very poor testimony of our faith. I agree, but in agreement I was embarrassed. I fail, it seems, far more often than I succeed. I snap at my husband, yell at our daughter. Most of the time I don't even know why it happens. I certainly don't want for it to be this way.

This is where Ladies Against Feminism comes in. Today I read an article on the site called The Master's Social Worker. By the time I was finished reading, I was in tears.

I am guilty of envy: I envy the women who grew up in homes that were filled with faith in Messiah; I envy those who have had the opportunity to surround themselves with the wise older women of Titus 2. I envy those who have teachers who are patient with them, and who know how to approach another person without exhausting them.

Older women of faith, I don't want to tire you out. Instead, I want the opportunity to be among you one day. To stand tall and strong and be a "Master's Social Worker." I want to be the sunshine of my home and to be a blessing to others. I'm ready, and I'm praying. I've studied Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 so much that I feel as though my brain is going to explode. But it isn't enough. It's not a trek I personally feel I can take alone. And that is, I believe, why YHWH calls the older women to teach to the younger women.

I am frustrated, discouraged, and disappointed. I often can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, though I know that Yeshua is there, waiting for me to take His hand. I just don't know how. If I am an insufficient testimony for Him, it is not for a lack of trying -- it is for a lack of fruitfulness. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I read book after book, but have struggled to find faith-filled female friends (alliteration unintentional).

If you are called, ladies please answer. For each one of you who is called to lead in the community of women (of faith), there is one or more of us who are struggling to make it without leadership or guidance.

Let it be understood that this is not for our husbands to teach us. They are busy with their own responsibilities, and as often as not are struggling with their own spiritual battles. Our answers lie in you, and I personally believe that our needs are best met by the older women of faith.

Our Creator knew that we needed provision. It is why He gave Woman to Man and instructed the older men to counsel the younger men. He counseled the older women to counsel the younger women as well. Please tell me that the world isn't made exclusively of young women... If it is, there are a lot of us out there who need a lot of help!