SpoofSpace
Al Capone is alive and well in Washington

By Steele Coddington | January 20, 2010

Some people thought they were hearing the word “Scrooge” during the past Christmas season. But what the majority of Americans heard echoing across the fruited plains was not “Scrooge” but “screwed.” The proverbial fickle finger of unfavorable fate was being massively redefined by the biggest gathering of stealth socialists ever assembled as Democrats under the roofs of both Houses of Congress. And they stuck, not that fickle finger, but an entire arm clutching a hammer and sickle down the throats of the American public, greased with unparalleled larcenous bribery.

They validated a new conviction: “Why are more crimes committed when Congress is in session? Because Congress is in session!” America – literally screwed by the worst piece of legislation ever put together in the dark of night by a bunch of Chicago style thugs with obscene payoffs to unions, trial lawyers, socialists, AARP and recidivist Senators. Aided and abetted earlier by Representatives in the House too conned by their radical Speaker, or too dumb to understand the nature of the crime against society they perpetrated, penalizing individual freedom, senior citizens, drowning taxpayers and the best health care system in the world. The smell of corruption would have nauseated the animals in the old Chicago stockyards. Unfortunately the stockyard residents have moved to Washington where they can practice cannibalism – porkers with insatiable appetites for taxpayer dollars, feeding on their own pork to perpetrate their stay in the mud.

Was your state one of the shameful recipients of Obama’s swindle payoffs for your Senator’s “yes” vote? Don’t feel disappointed if not – you will still be able to contribute – you won’t be able to participate but you will: 1) Pay for it – nationally, with record massive income tax increases and record deficits and 2) Suffer for it – locally, as your state is forced to swallow the costs of expanded Medicaide and government bureaucrats controlling your doctors, nurses and hospitals. “Oh, you need a knee replacement? Sorry, but at your age you are not on the approved list. But you do have a choice now – pills or a wheel chair.”

And we thought only the government leaders and party hacks of Third World countries were corrupt and pocketed the money we sent them as foreign aid. Congress is, however, spending so outrageously that Third World status is imminent, providing justification for Third World payoffs for our leaders. Example: Senator “I can’t be bought” Mary Landrieu of Louisiana after accepting millions, labeled “The Louisiana Purchase II” to vote “yes” on Obamacare. Hell, Senator, it’s so bad in Louisiana anyhow that if you can’t be bought, you’re incompetent. But I may have plagiarized exactly what Harry Reid said about Senators getting their share of the health care plunder.

So what are you personally going to do to butt heads with entrenched radicalists intent on changing everything that is good in America? Join a Tea Party group so you can focus your anger productively. And remember there are three things Democrats in Congress are afraid of: lie detector tests, term limits and profiling. So start by profiling all Senators and Representatives who voted FOR Obamacare. Just check for their “yes” vote or the freezer compartment of their refrigerators.

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out.
And, they eat the same thing every night – early birds.

Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house.
The ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.
Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

Mark Your Calendar

Now through Monday, Feb. 1:
• Deadline for submitting applications is February 1 for Fiesta Days Rodeo Queen Pageant on Saturday, March 6. The Desert Foothills Community Association 2010 Fiesta Days Rodeo Queen Pageant is a competition for the titles of Fiesta Days Pro Rodeo Queen and Fiesta Days Pro Rodeo Teen Queen. Contestants for the title of Queen must be between the ages of 18 and 24. Teen Queen contestants must be between 15 and 17. Contestants compete in horsemanship, speech and modeling. For applications for the competition, tickets to the pageant or more information please contact Louise Ross at 602-743-4348 or DFCAQueenDirector@yahoo.com.

Thursday, January 28:
• Foothills Animal Rescue’s Second Annual "Pasta for Paws" from 6 – 9 p.m. at Harold's Cave Creek Corral, 6895 E. Cave Creek Rd., in Cave Creek. The festive event features a spaghetti dinner, cash bar, silent auction, balloon pop, raffle, bake sale, and live music by country band, Young Country. For information on how you can help or donate visit www.foothillsanimal.org or contact Dawn Kavanaugh at 480-488-9890.
• 9 – 11 a.m. Reach Your Goal Fitness Series #2. (Meet at the Slate Trailhead.) Did not get to start last week-this will be the same intensity as week one-feel free to jump in now! Week 2- Slate Trail-2 miles/easy. The Ranger will give some tips on clothing and gear at the beginning of the hike. Cave Creek Regional Park. Fee: $6.00 per vehicle. Contact: Jim Terrell: 623-465-0431 or jamesterrell@mail.maricopa.gov.
• 9:30 – 11:30 a.m.: "A Touch of the Desert" presented by the Desert Awareness Committee. A hands on experience with identifying plants, skeletal remains of plants, desert predators, rocks and minerals in the soils and archaeological sites in Cave Creek. Also sand painting techniques of native people & medicine plants of the desert. Booklets, "The Fragile Desert" may be purchased at the event. Free in Conference Room. Desert Foothills Library, 38443 N. Schoolhouse Rd., Cave Creek. Director@dfla.org or 480-488-2286.
• 10 a.m. Sonoran Desert Simplified! Come learn how the plants and animals of the desert make this their one and only "home sweet home." We'll cross a wash bed to hike up the hill and enjoy a beautiful view of the Verde Valley. Meet at Lousley Hill Trailhead. McDowell Mountain Regional Park, 16300 McDowell Mountain Park Dr., Fountain Hills. Phone: 480-471-0173 x201.

Friday, January 29
• 9 a.m. Sonoran Desert 101. Moderate. Join interpretive ranger Kevin Smith on a hike through the beautiful upland desert vegetation in Spur Cross. Learn about the ecology of the Sonoran Desert and spend an enjoyable 2 hours of hiking slowly and enjoying nature. We encourage you to bring binoculars if you have them. Fee: $3 per person. For more info: 480-488-6623 or kevinsmith@mail.maricopa.gov.
• 5 – 7 p.m. “Howling at The Moon” Coyote Sunset Hike. (Meet at the Nature Center.). The Coyotes are Calling! It is cooling down and the local wildlife is out and about. Join us on a 1.5 mile hike on our Overton Trail as we visit one of the areas of the park we often see coyotes. We will learn some facts about our furry neighbors as the setting sun and rising moon sets the backdrop. Bring water, sturdy shoes and binoculars. A few pairs of binoculars will be on hand for use. Cave Creek Regional Park. Fee: $6.00 per vehicle. Contact: Jim Terrell: 623-465-0431 or jamesterrell@mail.maricopa.gov.
• 5:30 p.m. Full Wolf Moon-Full Moon Hike: We may not hear any wolves, but hopefully the coyotes will give us a call on this month’s full moon hike! Come out and experience the desert at night! For this month’s theme, we will hike along the Pemberton Trail to the Pemberton Pond and learn about our local ranching history. Meet at Trailhead Staging. Hike is approximately 3 miles and 2 hours. No pets please. McDowell Mountain Regional Park, 16300 McDowell Mountain Park Dr., Fountain Hills. Phone: 480-471-0173 x201.

Saturday, January 30
• The Kiwanis Club of Carefree Flea Market 8 a.m. – 2 p.m. The Dave Anderson Memorial Building, 7177 E. Ed Everett Way, near the SW corner of Tom Darlington and Cave Creek Rd. in Carefree. Tax deductible donations can be dropped off at the Dave Anderson Memorial Building, Wednesdays, 1:30 – 3:30 p.m. and Saturdays, 9 – 11:30 a.m. Or call 480-488-8400 for pick up. Visit www.Kiwaniscarefree.org or call 480-488-8400.
• 9:30 – 11:30 a.m. Medicinal Medley (Meet at the Nature Center.). Join the Ranger on an amazing journey into our past and see what was used in this landscape to cure your ailments. From Clay to Creosote, you will be surprised what people used for medicinal purposes. Bring sturdy shoes and plenty of water for this easy 2 mile hike. Cave Creek Regional Park. Fee: $6.00 per vehicle. Contact: Jim Terrell: 623-465-0431 or jamesterrell@mail.maricopa.gov.
• RSVP by Thursday, Jan. 28 to 480-488-2286 for Teen Essentials: Tools for Building a Strong You. Free. Event is Sunday, Jan. 30, 1 – 2 p.m. Lively, interactive teen peer workshop hosted by Breon Michel who helps teens learn real skills to survive and thrive on their own. Creative ways to use positive thinking to manage stress, cope with pressures and strengthen relationships. Food and refreshments will be served. Desert Foothills Library. 38443 N. School House Road, Cave Creek. 480-488-2286 or www.DFLA.org.
• 1 – 2 p.m. Ride with The Ranger (Meet at Cave Creek Trailrides). Join Ranger Jim and Cave Creek Trailrides as we introduce you to the amazing wonders of Cave Creek Park and the Sonoran Desert on horseback! This will be a 1 hour ride where we will introduce you to the nature and landscape as you have never seen it before. Registration is required for this fee based program. Please Call Cave Creek Trailrides at 1(877) 942-6700 to sign up.
• 2 p.m. Desert Hiking 101: Whether you’re a snowbird or you survived the summer “heat hibernation” in the Valley, safety is paramount as we head back outside again! Join Ranger Jenny as we meet to talk about hiking do’s and don’ts, places to go and a little bit of desert survival, in case you arrive late! Meet at HilltopTrailhead. McDowell Mountain Regional Park, 16300 McDowell Mountain Park Dr., Fountain Hills. Phone: 480-471-0173 x201.
• 7 p.m. Moonlight Hike. Moderate. The Conservation Area is a different experience when seen softly illuminated by the silver moon. While we will attempt to minimize the use of flashlights, bring one in case you need it. Fee: $3 per person. For more info: 480-488-6623 or kevinsmith@mail.maricopa.gov.