Ants are super neat. There’s like a billion different varieties of ‘em, and they do all sorts of things. There are farmer ants who grow a fungus that they then eat, and there are ants that like do things with plants, and there are ants that fight other ants and just about every ant is super strong. So you know that’s pretty cool. I’ve heard that there are tons of ant species we don’t even know about yet. That’s awesome! I wanna discover an ant, but I don’t know how. I guess I’d have to start digging in dirt or something and maybe go “HEY ANTS!” so they’d come out and say “WHAT? WE’RE BUSY HERE!” and I’d then apologize. People shouldn’t be rude to ants. They shouldn’t be rude to people either, but that doesn’t have anything to do with ants. That’s just common sense.

Anyway, ants aren’t all great. They can be pretty mean and bite people. And ant bites can really hurt. Like fire ants? That’s no good. And some ants enslave other insects. Man, slavery isn’t cool, even if it’s just bug slavery. And I guess too some ants can chew on people’s houses and make them fall apart some. So, basically ants doing this sorta stuff should step off. But despite that, they’re still pretty neat. I mean, snails are neat too, even though they can eat people’s food. I mean, everybody’s gotta eat, I guess. Of course, I don’t think snails enslave anyone.

But still, everyone’s got their problems, and ants are no exception. They’re still pretty cool just in that they can do so much. I mean, they’re like some kind of machine! Or swarm of nanobots. Only they’re not robots, and you can see them so they’re not nanobots and they can’t really do all the stuff nanobots could do. But they can make more of themselves, which is kinda like a nanobot. Maybe someone should write a grey goo horror story about ants. That’d be kind of awesome. I’d totally read that.

So yeah, ants. They’re cool, even if they’re probably best looked at from a distance so they don’t bite you. Or enslave you if you happen to be a bug. Or a person who was shrunken down to bug-size like Dexter and DeeDee in that one episode of Dexter’s Laboratory where Dexter was trying to show DeeDee the wonder of ants, and ended up making her like the ants because they liked her dancing but then Dexter hated the ants because they totally enslaved him.