Chuck is the author of the published novels: Blackbirds, Mockingbird, Under the Empyrean Sky, Blue Blazes, Double Dead, Bait Dog,Dinocalypse Now, Beyond Dinocalypse and Gods & Monsters: Unclean Spirits. He also the author of the soon-to-be-published novels: The Cormorant, Blightborn (Heartland Book #2), Heartland Book #3, Dinocalypse Forever, Frack You, and The Hellsblood Bride. Also coming soon is his compilation book of writing advice from this very blog: The Kick-Ass Writer, coming from Writers Digest.

He, along with writing partner Lance Weiler, is an alum of the Sundance Film Festival Screenwriter’s Lab (2010). Their short film, Pandemic, showed at the Sundance Film Festival 2011, and their feature film HiM is in development with producers Ted Hope and Anne Carey. Together they co-wrote the digital transmedia drama Collapsus, which was nominated for an International Digital Emmy and a Games 4 Change award.

Chuck has contributed over two million words to the game industry, and was the developer of the popular Hunter: The Vigil game line (White Wolf Game Studios / CCP). He was a frequent contributor to The Escapist, writing about games and pop culture.

Much of his writing advice has been collected in various writing- and storytelling-related e-books.

He currently lives in the forests of Pennsyltucky with wife, two dogs, and tiny human.

He is likely drunk and untrustworthy. This blog is NSFW and probably NSFL.

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Chuck Wendig is a novelist, screenwriter, and game designer. This is his blog. He talks a lot about writing. And food. And pop culture. And his kid. He uses lots of naughty language. NSFW. Probably NSFL. Be advised.

Wuzza Wooza Brisbane Booza

AUSTRALIA, YOU ARE IN ME.

Wait, I think I got that backward.

Which is appropriate, given how I’m on the other side of the world. Where they drive on the other side of the street! And cookies are called biscuits! AND WOMBATS RULE MAN WITH AN IRON GLOVE.

Sorry, I’m a bit punchy.

You see, I’ve been up for — *checks watch* — four billion hours.

If anyone ever says to you, “Hey, here’s a flight, and it’s 16 hours,” do not fall for their ruse.

A flight that long is a trip into madness. Like, the flight itself was fine — I had an exit row, lots of leg room, plenty of space above my head. An empty seat next to me, too. But we took off at 10PM. When it had already been dark for hours. And then began sixteen hours of darkness. Just bleak black nothing. A seemingly eternal night. You know how you sleep eight hours at night and then you wake up and — hey, magic, the sun is coming up? Imagine sleeping for eight hours then learning it’ll still be dark for another eight hours.

And sleeping on a plane, yeah, no. Uncomfortable seats. People milling about. Chatty flight attendants. Turbulence. Frigid air. Any time I managed to doze off it was like — HEY WAKE UP, JERK, YOUR SPINE HURTS AND NOW IT’S COLD AND SOMEONE IS EATING GOULASH NOISILY BEHIND YOU.

So, by the end, I felt hungover.

But then I got off the plane and saw Brisbane sun and got a flat white and felt a lot better.

By the way, a “flat white” is the best coffee thing ever. They don’t drink drip coffee here. It’s all mostly espresso — and a flat white is an almost-latte. It is phenomenal. I’ve had two already today. *twitches*

I also had a Tim-Tam (okay, multiple Tim-Tams) thanks to the folks from the writing center.

A Tim-Tim is not, as it turns out, some strange Australian sex move, but rather, a cookie (“biscuit”) so delicious it elicits a nearly erotic sensation.

Enjoying Brisbane so far. Everything here is like a left-of-center version of what I’m used to in America. Similar or same brands with products I’ve never heard of before. Known car brands but unknown models. Burger King seems to be Hungry Jack’s? McDonald’s is Macca’s? Everyone speaks and walks backward. TIME RUNS IN REVERSE.

Or, at least, that’s how it feels. Jet lag is seriously creeping in, now, like rain rot in old wood. It’s 3:30PM and I’m writing this blog to stay awake. I’ve already traipsed about the city for four or five hours. It’s hot. I’m sore. I’ve killed and eaten three koalas. The catch-22 is that to combat the tiredness of jet lag I have to remain active but remaining active just makes me more tired AHHHH so instead here I am blogging to you people.

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20 comments

Dude! Chuck! Great to know you’re here in Brissie! Yeah, we make some great coffee here… brilliant stuff… and the food her is great too! Just eat where the locals do and you’ll be fine.

And if you love pancakes, try out The Pancake Manor on Charlotte Street, in the City… it’s an old converted church not far from The Archives Bookstore (which is haunted and old too and has the biggest amount of books around! Great store though!). Pancake Manor… it’s fully licensed and has a pool table, great place to go for grub!

How did I not know about GenreCon? Man, ashamed to call myself a writer.

Hope you have an amazing time. The weather is gorgeous. Make sure you get out to Southbank (very close to the library.) The beach there is nice after being cooped up talking about writerly things. Also great for your new jogging craze. Gorgeous right along the river.

Bummed to see that all sessions are now sold out. Please witness my sad face. 🙁

I feel your pain, Chuck. It is 12:44 AM in the States (At least in Memphis where I sadly live) and I STILL can’t sleep. Fuck my insomnia. At least I can read your blogs. Wish I had that coffee though……and BISCUITS. Nom-Nom. I feel hungry just thinking about them. Don’t kill all of the koala bears,mmkay? We need some of them to survive the zombie apocalypse to build our evil cannibal empire! MWAHAHA!(sorry if this is boring).

Great to hear you’ve landed safely. Enjoy the Under Down, Chuck! And at your close, what do you mean “Blogging to you people?” How do I know I am “people”? Who have you been talking to? Where do you get your information? Was it the Rubber Ducky?

Have fun Chuck! Just one bit of advice. When you’re offered Vegimite…and I bet you will be…just smile and back away s l o w l y. Trust me, that stuff taste like swamp ass smells. Not that I go around smelling swamp ass much or anything like that…just saying.

Uhh… yeah. With the vegemite thing… it looks like Axle Grease and smells terrible. However most of us Aussie have been brought up on it for a good part of our lives. I don’t encourage people from overseas to try it out unless they truly want to; and even then, I accompany it with a bowl and a BIG GLASS OF WATER. The stuff is salty as hell and isn’t the nicest thing to eat to the unintitiated.

lol I know these feels. My family is in South Africa and for the last 15 years I’ve been on other continents. Currently, unless I’m willing to take that insane 16-hour flight, I’ve got a 2 day trip with a 12-hour layover in Heathrow…yeah, you’re walking the razor edge of insanity at the end of that. And you’re smelly. God there’s nothing like the stink of being stuck in a tube of recycled air for 12 hours after being stuck in an airport for just as long, all in the same clothes.

Get some melatonin, don’t OD on coffee, and if you have to sleep, just do it.

Also, plane flights that long as very very horrible. On one I was surrounded by russians (the plane ran out of vodka) and by morning there were sunflower seeds all over the floor which was weird, but it was a nice quiet night. On the way home I was recovering from food poisoning and sat next to the guy whose claim to fame was bringing Southern Baptistness to eastern europe. And he never stopped talking. And there were no other seats on the entire plane to move to.

Beware of Drop Bears. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.