I've written this post months ago, but did not post it, then I updated it two weeks ago, but still did not post it. Today I finally decided to post it. There is one piece of information that should be added at the end of the post, but I will not say it now and leave it till the timing is right. So here is the post.

At the age of eight, the Iraq-Iran war started. It was 1980 and I was in my second year of school then. My parents and other old wise people told us (the children) that this war will last for a few days or a week or two at max. Life paused for the first few days waiting for the war to end before resuming.As eager to go on as it always is, life did not wait and resumed after only one week and the war took EIGHT LONG YEARS.

As those of you who are good at Math must have figured, I was 16 when the war ended in 1988. It was an unforgettable date (8/8/88) and that day was one of the happiest days of my life and of all Iraqis. We had two relatively peaceful years. I am saying relatively because during those two years, most men were either in the military service, or working for the military industry establishment and we were still recovering from a long tedious war.

At the age of 18, Iraq invaded Kuwait. It was 2-Aug-1990. Operation Desert Storm started on the 17th of January 1991. I was preparing for my mid-year examination at the first year of college, and at the same time we were preparing for a war. I very vividly remember preparing a room in the house for a chemical attack and those were definitely not among my best memories. That was an even more horrifying war because most of the bombing was on Baghdad itself. The war took only a few weeks this time and electricity and basic services were restored within about 6 weeks. Life returned to almost normal, but the sanction began and the financial state of all Iraqis began to deteriorate very rapidly.

During that period, I was young (and single) and I did not worry much about things, and that made life much easier.

I was a 30 years married man, with an almost 2 year old daughter when the threats ofthe Iraq-Freedom war began. At that age and having a family to look after, I had everything to worry about. I used to browse the Internet (yes we did have internet before the war, but it was under a firm firewall and of course, censored) and read about the weapons and types of bombs that are to be used. There were talks about electromagnetic bombs, and many names of different kinds bombs that luckily I don’t now remember.

Worrying about a yet to come war, and its possible disastrous consequences is more difficult than actually going through the war.

There is an Iraqi saying that “The mother of a lost child cannot sleep, but the mother of a dead child can”. In other words, it is more difficult to worry about the unknown than to live it.

For many months we lived under distress thinking of the inevitable upcoming war. We did many preparations for the war. We bought food, water, drugs, and anything that one might think of that was enough for weeks.

The war finally started in March 2003, and the ex-regime officially ended in 9th of April 2003. A very short war it was. Or at least that was what we thought.

The days just following the war were very difficult with COMPLETE absence ofsecurity and looters and criminals completely loose. Those days past by and for the first time in years we started having great hopes of a bright future.

Things were bad back then, no security, no electricity, no fuel, but there was hope.

- First there was J Gardner, things did not get better.

- Then there was Bremer. We hoped for things to get better but they did not.

- We were promised that with the formation of the Governing Council (GC) that things will get better, but again they did not.

The GC formed a government, but that again did not help as promised.

This time we waited with more hope for the Interim government, which did not help either.

Back in November 2003, we had only few hours of electricity a day, there was shortage of fuel, I was too afraid to use my car alone, and there were many attacks against the US army.

Now its March 2005. We have almost 8 hours of electricity a day, there is still a shortage of fuel, Again I am afraid to use my car alone, and now the attacks are targeting Iraqis more than they are targeting the US army.

Now we are promised that after the elections and the formation of the new government, things will get better. Will they?

We are told to be patient. We have been patient for 24 years, how more patient one can be?

I am seriously thinking of leaving my country, at least for a couple of years, till things start to get better. I am a different person than I was two years ago, I am trying to save what’s left from the humorous, optimistic man I once was. If you read one of my very first posts (sent as letters then) you’ll notice the difference.

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comments:

Dear Ahmed I will not try to tell you what you should do because from the desk I am sitting at there is not much fear for me this morning.I sit in my chair in the middle of the United States, Kansas City in the state of Kansas and there is little chance someone will want to harm me or some explosion meant for someone else could interupt my life or happiness. There is no way I could understand the fear of daily life in Iraq, but I do know what happens thiese days in the midwest when some pervert kidnaps a little child or someone is mugged on a running trail or some old lady has a drunk hold up her liquer store. People are starting to get tired of being patient with putting up with crime.Weather it is what we call the Amber alert which with the media and road signs the word is sent out to look for thiese people and the community works as one to locate the kidnaped child or when a person driving down the road sees a woman chasing a man who exposed himself to her and other people and he parks his car and helps her detain the pervert untill the police arrive.Even a old lady being held up in the liquor store that feeds her family hits the robber on the head with a bottle of booze knocking him out. Could it be time for the people of Iraq to become impatient with waiting for the Americans to make things better and in masses stand behind the brave Iraqi police and army to bring peace to the cradle of humanity Iraq. I would assume that every American soldier would rather be home with their loved ones and return to tell their grandchildren many years from now that they helped the Iraqi people find peace and freedom and stories of how friendly the people of Iraq were.

Ahmed, thank you for sharing your perspective.What has been done cannot be undone. All that one can do is to follow one's conscience and try to do what is right from this point forward. Does that mean leaving one's country to protect one's family? Does that mean staying in Iraq to try and participate and perhaps guide the process? I don't know.I will say this... people may try to tell you that you ought to stay in Iraq... that your duty is to stay. These people's ancestors all immigrated to this country rather than staying to change their country.Peace.

Ahmed, I wouldn't try to tell you what to do either.But Always Question says of those who would tell you to stay and be part of the process of re-building your country "These people's ancestors all immigrated to this country rather than staying to change their country" There is a HUGE difference. Iraqis are in a completely different position than the people you are speaking of. By staying and making their voices heard they can make a difference at this point. If Iraq ends up being run by an oppresive regime again then by all means leave if you get the opportunity. My ancesters came to this country when the policy of their country was "No Catholic need apply" At that time it was not at all possible for the minority to make a difference which is completely differnt than the situation in Iraq right now.

I am very young (as far as the whole scheme of things lays out) but you have held out for so long. My advice take your family and get out of Iraq. Go to France where people think a little more logically than the rest of the world. I would say come to the USA but unfortunately this government is the reason your people have suffered for so long. And unfortunately for you, your people, and me we have a president and government that is going unchecked and misery is spreading for those of us that have half a brain to think with.

All I can think of to say is that perhaps now there can finally be change so your children will not have to worry about wars with neighboring countries or fear of political persecution within their own. You have obviously lived through difficult times which I can have no real appreciation of living safely in the west as I do, but we do read your blog and sympathize with your plight.

Shopkeepers and residents on one of Baghdad's main streets pulled out their own guns Tuesday and killed three insurgents when hooded men began shooting at passers-by, giving a rare victory to civilians increasingly frustrated by the violence bleeding Iraq.I am so happy to hear some Iraqis are ready to defend their own peace instead of allowing anti iraqi terrorist to live and terrorise around them.

answers these days are hard to come by. given that iraq is under u.s. occupation, that 100,000 iraqis have been killed (although the figure may be higher or lower because the u.s. doesn't count iraqi deaths), the geneva conventions are ignored by u.s. troops, torture seems to be a standard u.s. government practice in iraq, guantanamo and elsewhere. In a war fought to ensure u.s. economic and military domination, there are few easy answers.

It sure saddens me to hear you have made the choice to run from your country like a dog afraid of his own tail. I can understand sending your family away for protection but to run off and let your brothers fight the insurgancy. Bet you will come running back as soon as Iraq is prosperous in their freedom, looking for a wellfare handout. It does not make me happy and I am not trying to be mean it is just the only thing keeping Iraq from doing better it the insurgancy not what you call an ocupation.Sometimes it makes me think Iraq deserves the tyranical rule you have lived under.As soon as Iraqi's woke up and found themselve not under a tyranical thumb they started stealing from themselves. If this is true OK but you had better keep your ruler under control or America will have to do it again. and if this happens again I think it will be done with only Iraq'i blood and not with American boys and girls blood.I wish I was not starting to feel this way but until Iraqi's stand up for themselves Ahmed will be a scared man.

There was no right way to deal with Saddam. If the rest of the world puts him in a box they must accept that 20-25 million people are stuck in that box with him. If they try and remove him people are going to die.

As far as the power system goes, I heard complaints about how bad it was a year ago. That is the kind of problem that should have been solved already.

I think Chris hears the voice of conscience. 27 years later you think you're gonna "start over" or there wont be woes whereevr you go? You gotta bloom where planted, deal the hand your dealt, dive in hell or high water...it's a mortal life this side anyway. Be where you are and surrendur to your life's work, and in that find a more fulfilled life, however temporal. Car bombers and beheaders of decent people cannot be appeased nor do they offer any prospect of civilized leadership regardless of the supposed evil of occupation. Don't abandon HOPE. Die in unjust circumstances, in futile violence, at the hands of bunglers or blackgaurds, but never stop hoping.

Your country's democracy is now in it's infancy. Most of the people that fled their country to come to America, came here to flee tyranny. The people of Iraq have suffered under decades of tyranny and now finally have a chance for freedom. It is my understanding that most of the violence in your country is being perpetrated at the hands of foreigners who do not wish a democracy to take hold in the Middle East. It is up to the Iraqis to now stand together against that violence and take control of YOUR country. It is yours, you have suffered long for it. The nations of the world that stood against the liberation of Iraq were profitting from Saddam's tyranny. It is time for the Iraqi people to profit from their own freedom in ways that these obstructioninst nations could never understand. Your profit will be in your freedom, not just the monetary riches sought by those that opposed your liberation. As you have stated, the people of Iraq have suffered under decades of almost constant war, it is safe to say, that the ELECTORATE of Iraq will not allow their elected leaders to continue down a path of war, so peace and stability are very close because the people so desperately want it.

Having said all of that, I understand your need and desire for the safety of your family, nothing could be more natural. I don't think anybody would fault you for wanting to leave and make a better life elsewhere. I simply encourage the citizens of Iraq to begin to think of Iraq as not only a place that you live, but a place that you own, and as any owner would not tolerate criminals on their property, the terrorists current's causing so many problems in Iraq should not be tolerated either.

It is easy for me to say that from the relative peace and contentment of my home in Florida, but always know that most Americans and citizens of the world at large are behind you and willing to help the Iraqis to help themselves.

Your country's democracy is now in it's infancy. Most of the people that fled their country to come to America, came here to flee tyranny. The people of Iraq have suffered under decades of tyranny and now finally have a chance for freedom. It is my understanding that most of the violence in your country is being perpetrated at the hands of foreigners who do not wish a democracy to take hold in the Middle East. It is up to the Iraqis to now stand together against that violence and take control of YOUR country. It is yours, you have suffered long for it. The nations of the world that stood against the liberation of Iraq were profitting from Saddam's tyranny. It is time for the Iraqi people to profit from their own freedom in ways that these obstructioninst nations could never understand. Your profit will be in your freedom, not just the monetary riches sought by those that opposed your liberation. As you have stated, the people of Iraq have suffered under decades of almost constant war, it is safe to say, that the ELECTORATE of Iraq will not allow their elected leaders to continue down a path of war, so peace and stability are very close because the people so desperately want it.

Having said all of that, I understand your need and desire for the safety of your family, nothing could be more natural. I don't think anybody would fault you for wanting to leave and make a better life elsewhere. I simply encourage the citizens of Iraq to begin to think of Iraq as not only a place that you live, but a place that you own, and as any owner would not tolerate criminals on their property, the terrorists current's causing so many problems in Iraq should not be tolerated either.

It is easy for me to say that from the relative peace and contentment of my home in Florida, but always know that most Americans and citizens of the world at large are behind you and willing to help the Iraqis to help themselves.

Hey Ahmed.I have seen the news reports here and they indicate a non resolving situation. I was thinking about you from your previous posts and imagining a tough situation. If only more people in Iraq could see that they are been used again as pawns in history and just stop all violent actions. Every time one of them carries out an action it makes the others stronger.Tit for tat. I got tired of it in Ireland and I left but I wish now that I had not. A few years become five then ten and then try replacing everthing and dealing with 'culture shock'. Unless there is a way not to go too far where you can easily continue with your and your families life I would say plan it out big time. Stay safe.Bren

I am happy that you, your wife and daughter all made it out of Iraq safely. Sorry about all the trouble you had. I hope that in the near future you will all be able to return to Iraq in complete safety. I hope you and your wife will post again soon. I pray that God will watch over you and all Iraqi people.

I'm not living in Iraq now so I can't give any advice regarding that, but I just wanted to remind you of what you said."it is more difficult to worry about the unknown than to live it"I've been out of Iraq for 5 years now and I'm currently in the US, but until now the future is unknown to me. As expected from an Iraqi man, every year I say "maybe within a year everything will be clear", and now after 5 years I'm still saying the same thing! But the question is, will this year be any different from the past 5 years? In short, if you ever leave Iraq, just try to leave to a situation with a known future.

I've read way to many stories like this, I so hope you and your little family will find some peace & security. I understand one part of your life story, from personal experience.Thank you for sharing your life with others.

Dear Ahmed,Good luck to you, now that you had to leave your beloved country, not because you chose to, but because the thieves made you do it; always remember that. You see I don't agree with all that DDDemocacy tonic being shoved down like an rancid acid down the thoat of Middle Eastand Middle Easterners. One Peace of experienced advice; never ever you leave your country no matter where you live or are. and never ever strike a man when they are down on their knees, wait until they are up, we can learn that from our American democracy Shovers. Live well and proud.

We (U.S.)invaded your country under the guise of 'reform' and 'democracy'. Both have been a joke. The U.S. underestimated the power of the insurgents and did not have a Plan B. It's very obvious that we are there strictly to build an oil pipeline that will cut our transport time down. We funded Saddam and were always aware of what was going on. There were no weapons of mass destruction. We lied to the world about the terrorists attacks in order to carry out the plan. It's sad, but true. No one in the U.S. can understand your plight because our lives do not involve daily bombings and depleted uranium laying all over the place. Most americans aren't even aware that we have contaminated Iraq for 4 million years. Half of your medical doctors have either died or fled. I'm really sorry that man even invented such a thing as war. We use war for monetary gains and to take control. I have never known war; I only read about it. Therefore, I really can't relate, can I? Neither can any of these other people commenting. It's easy for one to dispense advice about staying and rebuilding your country but, what if the country never rebuilds. What if it falls into the hands of another dictator or ruthless Mullah and becomes another 11 year Vietnam. God bless your soul. You're lucky just to be alive!

I would like to apologise to you Ahmed for the part the United Kingdom has played alongside the United States in years of crippling sanctions and war on your people.

The thoughts of many here are with you, your family and all those suffering in Iraq.

I agree with VolTim. We are not walking in your shoes and have no right to advise you as to whether you should leave or stay in Iraq. Compared to you and your people, we are undoubtedly fortunate and do not have to live with constant terror of losing our lives or those of our children or our friends and relatives.

May faith and wisdom lead you to make the best and safest decision for you and your family.

Our thoughts are with you whatever path you take and may peace be with you too.

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I'm sorry for being intrusive in to your blog. But I am Melissa and I am a mother of two that is just trying to get out of an incredible financial debt. See my hubby is away in Iraq trying to protect this great country that we live in, and I am at home with our two kids telling bill collectors please be patiant. When my husband returns from war we will beable to catch up on our payments. We have already had are 2001 Ford repossessed from the bank, and are now down to a 83 buick that is rusted from front to back and the heater don't work, and tire tax is due in November.

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Ahmed, lean not on your understand but in all your ways acknowledge our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ, and He will direct your paths. If you don't know Him just call upon His name. Lord Jesus come into my life and accept me as your child. I belive that you are the son of God, and you died, was burial and rose from the dead according to the scriptures. And from this day forward I am giving my life to you. God Love you and so do I.

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How fucking sad, you guys bomb the shit out of his country , then you put advervisments on his blog...... (you have to be a republician),Good god don't you have any respect. I have read this poor mans blog, yes he has taken a path that maybe not everybody would take... But you crackheads don't have a clue to know what it is like to have bombs dropping in on you when ever they happen to fall from the sky....Give the guy a break. he has a wife and a daughter to take care of... I hope to god that he makes it over the border. Shit we all are thinking it, can you imagine, walking the desert, to try and cross the border, to get to his wife and little girl....Please god let things work out for him..I hope his final blog is soon.........

Hi Ahmed, Thank you for sharing your experience with us... it helped me realise the failures of iraq war or any war for the matter...

Ahmed, I live in dubai, far from the spoils of war... and I can only assure you with what I feel in you... You have the desire of a better life and I am sure you will find it... We all are living in war zone either we hurt our bodies or our soul...

Ahmed, follow your dreams... and fulfill it without hurting a soul... Someday you will give this world an example, a role model... and above all you will show everyone a path, that leads to their dreams...

hello Ahmedvery good post and a wonderful blogsite you havehats off to you.my question would be how you really feel about bush and his intentions of all this mess? someone who has the knowledge as you would know this topic better then most. thanks agian great post.

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