WATCHING The Bill (ITV), one thought and one thought only occurred: Dixon of Dock Green must be turning in his grave.

Superintendent Tom Chandler has been arrested for rape.

PC Tony Stamp has had the word PERVERT daubed across his house after having been accused of child abuse and although an investigation cleared him has compounded his predicament by wearing pervert's glasses.

PC Nick Klein is being blackmailed after being caught on a CCTV video snorting cocaine, while working undercover (pretty convincingly) as a drugs dealer.

The person doing the blackmailing meanwhile is none other than DS Phil Hunter, who seems to have taken the performance in Internal Affairs of Richard Gere (the only man possibly more handsome than he is) somewhat to heart.

Never mind LA: Home Of The Body Bag. This is Sun Hill - crime capital of the world, and that's not to mention the criminals that are actually out there. (There is, incidentally, a bona fide serial killer on the loose. Call Clarice Starling!)