A tragedy beyond the imagination

Wednesday

Dec 19, 2012 at 3:15 AM

This week the nation has begun to attend 26 funerals of those adults and children massacred last Friday at a Newtown, Conn. elementary school. Through newspapers, radio, television and the Internet we — as a community and as individuals — will try to share the grief of those who have lost loved ones. But no matter how hard we try, most of us will be unable to imagine the horror and grief experienced by those who will pray at the caskets of 6-year-old James Mattioli, 7-year-old Chase Kowlaski and 6-year-old Benjamin Wheeler, son of 1978 Oyster River graduate, David Wheeler, and others.

There are some, however, who will come close to understanding and sharing the pain and anguish. They are the parents, some who we know, who have had to bury a child after a sudden tragedy — a car accident, a suicide, a murder.

These parents tell us that there is no greater pain, that there is no greater senseless tragedy. Without exception, they would gladly trade places in the soil with the son or daughter they have lost.

To those sitting and praying in the pews of churches in and around Newtown, there is no way to adequately express our sorrow. It is not our sorrow. We are not the ones who have had the likes of 6-year-old Jessica Rekos ripped from our lives. But we can try to imagine, as many reading these words have already done. We can imagine how we would have felt if our Jack, our Noah, or our Charlotte had not been pulled quickly enough from in front of a passing car or had been found dead after disappearing from a local school yard. We can put ourselves through the mental torture of wondering how we would have responded if 26 students and teachers had been gunned down at any one of the many Seacoast area schools. But it won't be the same as for those Newtown parents.

That does not mean we will fail to offer support, to pray for the souls of those who died before it was their time and to seek support from a higher power for those who mourn most deeply. All that should go without saying.

But what needs to be said and should be etched in the national consciousness by Newtown, Columbine and other such tragedies is the need to seek a solution to the underlying problems. This means setting anger and politics aside. It means looking at a broad spectrum of issues — school safety, community mental health programs, the role of the entertainment and gaming industry, firearms training, gun licensing laws, just to name a few of the many.

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For those who would like to help the victims, the following list comes from Reuters news service:

Set up by the parents of children who survived and other locals, this fund will help with funerals, as well as ongoing living expenses such as food, mortgage payments, day care, insurance and fuel until they are back on solid ground.

— Newtown Memorial Fund (https://everribbon.com/ribbon/view/10088)

A new fund founded by Brian Mauriello, who describes himself as a long-term Newtown resident and a parent, to pay for short-term expenses as well as a memorial and a multigenerational foundation fund for the Newtown, Connecticut, community. He is seeking board members.

This fund was set up by United Way of Western Connecticut and the Newtown Savings Bank to provide support services to the affected families and community. Among other efforts, it will support day and night walk-in hours at the Newtown Youth and Family Services Counseling Center (http://www.newtownyouthandfamilyservices.org/).

Dedicated to supporting the immediate and long-term needs of those in the Newtown community who were affected by the Sandy Hook School shooting.

— Individual victim funds

The families of several victims have asked that memorial contributions be made to a variety of favorite charities, and some have set up their own family funds. Among them are: the Victoria L. Soto Memorial Fund for Education, via the Adzima Funeral Home (http://www.adzimafuneralhome.com); the James R. Mattioli Memorial Fund c/o Newtown Savings Bank, 39 Main St., Newtown, CT 06470; the Dylan Hockley Memorial Fund, 34 Charter Ridge Road, Sandy Hook, CT, 06482; Chase Kowalski Scholarship Fund, c/o People's Bank, 470 Monroe Tpke., Monroe, CT 06468.

There are more to come. The family of Ana Grace Marquez-Greene is working to establish arts and music scholarships in her name.

— Volunteer. Grief counselors and others who want to volunteer their time in Newtown should call the state's emergency response number, (800) 203-1234.