Category Archives: Relationships

Have you ever talked to someone who lacks empathy and who just cannot seem to understand what you’re saying because they are so set on telling you something?

If you answered yes – How did it make you feel? Frustrated? Angry? Like you really didn’t want to talk to that person ever again?

Empathy plays an important role in effective communication – and practicing this type of responsive compassion can help make the world a better place – one person at a time.

Empathy Definition

What is empathy? Empathy is, basically, the ability to understand and to share the feelings of another person, or another living creature.

Responsive Communication

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There are many different communication styles, some effective and some not so effective, but for increasing empathy, it’s good to put responsive communication into practice.

Responsive communication starts with hearing and processing verbal cues, includes taking the time to process and respond to those verbal cues as well as watching for and processing nonverbal cues.

Verbal and Nonverbal Communication

Some people will say exactly what they think – and if you’re dealing with one of those delightfully above-board people, communicating with empathy should be relatively easy – you just have to hear them and think how you would feel in their situation.

Many people, however, most people actually, have emotional filters in place that make effective communication and true empathy a bit more tricky.

When dealing with people who are guarded, you have to hear the words they are speaking and their tone of voice while also watching hand gestures, posture, eye contact, and head movements such as nodding or shaking the head no.

The nonverbal forms of communication are often more important in understanding and being empathetic to the other person’s feelings than the words they are saying.

For example, if someone is saying “Yes” but their head is shaking in a silent “No” then their subconscious is speaking to you, and it’s wise to pay attention if you want to understand and communicate with them effectively.

Compassion and Kindness

“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and beauty.” -Albert Einstein

Empathy can make the world a better place by allowing us to understand and even experience the feelings of others on a personal level so we can interact with other people and other living creatures with compassion and the sense of sharing this journey through existence.

“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.” – Stephen Covey

What Is Empathy?

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The dictionary definition of empathy is: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

A more personal definition is that empathy lets us connect with each other and feel connected, accepted, and understood while on the other hand, interacting with people who show a lack of empathy leaves us feeling disconnected and alone.

What Is the True Value of Empathy?

The true value of empathy is that it provides us with a sense of emotional validation.

While it does not help in every situation, showing empathy can relieve tension and anger in a person who is venting or complaining.

And if you are the one venting or complaining, having someone acknowledge your anger – having someone ‘hear’ you and understand you, can help reduce the anger and frustration you are experiencing.

Do I Lack Empathy?

Most people know deep down if they are empathetic or not, but there are tests you can take to assess your level of empathy toward others.

How Can I Be More Empathetic?

To be more empathetic, listen more than you speak. It’s not always easy, because everyone needs to be heard – everyone needs to ‘soft’ end of empathy sometimes.

When someone is telling you how they feel or what they think, or what they believe – you don’t have to solve their problems, educate them, or do anything except let them express themselves.

Recognize that it’s okay to say, “I understand.” even if you don’t totally understand – or to simply nod as a way to show you hear the person and are not judging them.

Think of the most frustrating conversation you ever had with your mother or father or any authority figure who was telling you how to live your life – the reason it was frustrating is most likely due to the fact that – that person was showing a lack of empathy in their dealings wth you.

Take an extra second to wish someone you would usually not chat with a good day, or to ask how their day is going.

Give a smile to someone who looks crestfallen, if they don’t smile back, don’t sweat it, maybe the memory of your smile will come to them later when they need it most.

I would love to hear what you think…

Do you have any favorite tips for increasing empathy?

Or, do you have any stories about how experiencing a lack of empathy made you feel?

If you’ve ever driven or walked in heavy fog, you know you can’t see very far ahead. You don’t know what’s coming at you, you can’t see what you might hit if you keep going, you might not even really know if you are on the right road at all.

Unhappy Relationship

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Being in an unhappy relationship is like that. You can try to keep going, even though you know it’s not good or safe, but then you don’t know from second to second what is about to come crashing into your life – more likely than not bringing stress and disaster.

Relationship Choices

It can feel like you’re trapped, because where can you run if you don’t know what dangers are around you? You do have choices, though.

You can continue muddling through the fog of unhappiness.

You can get out of the fog and move on to a brighter, sunnier place that isn’t wrapped in thick fog.

You can figure out a way to feel safe while still in the fog.

A lot of people just stay trapped and feel sorry for themselves, and complain to anyone who happens to wander into their fog, but that, staying in an unhappy state, is in itself, a choice.

Take Action and Embrace Positivity

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If that’s where you are right now, trapped in an unhappy relationship, do something positive for yourself. I’m not saying leave the relationship. I’m not saying stay in it. Only you can decide that part. I’m saying, there are things you can do to bring positivity into your life, and you should take action and do the positive things – for yourself – that feel right to you.

The title of this might seem super, super obvious – but then – if it’s so obvious, why do so may people do exactly that?

Depression

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If you feel extremely despondent, dejected, hopeless, or inadequate, like an unseen force is pressing down and squishing the life out of you, there’s a good chance you are experiencing depression – and you probably don’t need me to tell you that.

But, did you know depression can be linked to the types of relationships you choose?

You might feel like a victim in a bad relationship, but really, it is more likely that you have unknowingly made yourself the target of an emotional manipulator.

Why Do I always Attract the Losers?

If you think of yourself as a victim, with things just “happening” to you, then you slip into the role of feeling like you are under attack by a bully, and it is a relationship pattern people tend to repeat over and over.

What a Jerk!

As you learn to recognize your own unmet emotional needs, your emotional stress levels and stressors, you will also become able to recognize emotional manipulation and emotional blackmail on the part of your manipulator.

Conquer Emotional Depression

Recognize that it is not the manipulator who is the problem, it is your fear.

For most targets, as the target of emotional manipulation, or as a target of a loser/jerk, you feel reject-able in some way, and deep down, and that fear of rejection means you will always be at risk of being manipulated by the next loser/jerk to come along until you learn to recognize that fear.

(The book above or the video below both explain it better if you have time to read the book or watch the video.)

But, that does not mean “this unhappy situation is your fault – because it is completely natural to do anything in your power to avoid rejection – even letting someone be a jerk and treat you badly.

How to Get Out of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

First, if the emotional abuse you are experiencing is more severe and you do not feel safe, find a shelter, such as the local women’s shelter to get help and protection.

Find your positive – so you can move ahead and escape the dangers of depression caused by unhappy relationships and emotional manipulation.

Learn to see what holds you back and makes you let the losers treat you poorly.

Remember: even if – when – you have a setback, keep believing in yourself and keep focusing on the positive.

Pretty much everyone has something that makes them feel a little bit, or a lot, quivery and weak in the core of their being – some thing they’re afraid others will judge them harshly for – or make fun of them for – or that they feel is missing in themselves that makes them put themselves through a sense of loss and pain.

What Is Self Confidence?

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Self confidence is being aware of and believing in yourself, your innate powers, and your abilities, both inborn and learned.

It is also not being afraid to speak up when you know the answer, or to ask a question when there’s something you don’t understand.

It’s knowing that no matter what anyone else thinks, or you might imagine they think, it’s irrelevant in comparison to your own knowledge of your self worth.

Finally, it is feeling okay about yourself – and if you have that, the world feels pretty great.

If you don’t have it, it’s time for you take some steps so you can, because it’s a game changer, in a good way, and THAT, is the whole reason for this site.

Building Self Confidence

Don’t expect self confidence to blossom like a rose overnight – (though I hope it will for you.)

For most people, especially if starting with a damaged self-esteem, it takes a series of successes to wake up a positive self image.

However, just like a house or a multi-million-dollar corporation isn’t built overnight, a great sense of self isn’t built overnight.

How to Build Confidence

Make a list of things that are positive about yourself and your life. If you’re really bummed and struggling, make a fake list. There’s nothing wrong with a fake it till you make it approach, especially when it comes to putting positive thoughts in your subconscious mind.

That’s why I suggest writing it down, in list form. You have to think it in order to write it, then you see your hands writing the words.

Then, put your positivity list where you can read it several times a day, especially when you first get up in the morning and right before bed, but the more times you read it each day, the better it’ll work.

How to Be More Confident

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If you’re really struggling to boost your self esteem and self confidence, go out of your way to help someone else – whether it’s with something big or small, just do what you can, it has the same effect on your psyche regardless of what it is.

The act of helping someone else creates an almost unbelievably positive feeling, so make sure you add it to your list so you can recall the deed and the feeling at any time by simply reviewing your list.

This works because if you are helping someone else, then you aren’t thinking about anything that’s bad in your life.

Two Great Self Confidence Quotes

“Nothing builds self esteem and self confidence like accomplishment.”

-Thomas Carlisle

“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.”

Being the victim of emotional manipulation makes you doubt yourself, it makes you lower your expectations, it makes you do and say things you never thought you would do or say while letting someone hurt mentally and spiritually – you in deeper ways than you ever imagined you might tolerate.

This last one, however, is the big one – tolerating this kind of emotional bullying can also make you sick.

Emotional Manipulation

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Emotional manipulation is a form of intimate partner abuse and psychological manipulation, where a dominant partner changes the weaker partner’s behavior by attacking them on a personal, mental level in order to control that weaker partner.

If you find yourself not doing the things you care about in order to keep the peace at home, you may be a victim of this type of manipulation – you might not even be aware of the changes in yourself until they become severe.

Forms of Intimate Domestic Abuse

Intimate domestic abuse can be mental or physical in nature. Emotional abuse in relationships can feel like the worst type of abuse when you’re getting the brunt of it.

While obviously no one would want to be physically abused, victims of this type on mental abuse often say things like, “I would rather be punched than feel this kind of pain.”

That type of statement is more of an effort to get the bully, or anyone, to listen and to understand just how deeply the pain goes from the emotional abuse and manipulation.

Types of Bullying in a Relationship

As mentioned above, there are two main types of bullying in a domestic relationship – emotional manipulation and physical violence. Tolerating either type of abuse puts you in danger, and should be taken seriously.

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