Restoring Health: body, mind and spirit

Category Archives: fatherhood

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

I recently came across a pillow with an embroidered message saying: ‘Mirror , mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother after all.” Many of us as men realize that we’ve ‘become our father after all’. For many of us, that discovery is a much more pleasant realization than it might have been 20 or 30 years ago.

As a sixteen-year old, I was moving away from my desire to be just like my dad. For the previous ten years (grade 3-10), I was convinced that I would become an electrical engineer, just like my father. After taking several electronics courses at High School however, I came to the painful realization that electrical engineering was not to be my chosen path. This left me with a challenging career crisis: just who and what was I called to be? I remember fearing that I might choose the wrong career and end up 20 years later bored and trapped in a dead-end job.

In our family, we loved to surprise our parents, and so Ed the potential engineer became Ed the Social Worker, and my younger sister the potential artist and basket-weaver became a sheep-genetics scientist instead.

I give my father credit that whatever career choices I embarked upon, he was always supportive. It is only years later looking back that I see how much my father was rooting for me as I wandered my way through eight years of life at University. My father’s example has taught me regarding my 3 adult sons that I can encourage them and root for them, but I can’t live their life for them. They too have to go through the painful choices of mapping out their future career and lifestyle choices.

With all my sons having transitioned from their teens to their twenties, it brings back for me so many memories of my own teenage and young adult struggles for identity and success. I remember how convinced I was that I was very different than my father, and would certainly never become like him.

So how have I become ‘like Father, like Son’? In a way that I never expected, I became like my father in his interest in writing and journalism. I have written over 280 articles for the Deep Cove Crier and other North Shore papers for over 22 years. Similarly my father was a writer and then the editor of the Telecom Advisor for 14 years. The Telecom Advisor is a telecommunications magazine distributed to all large businesses in Western Canada.

Why is it that both my father and I have written over so many articles over the years? Could it be ‘like father, like son?’ Is it in the blood? Granted, my topics of writing are often different than my father’s topics about microprocessors and satellite systems. But even so, the basic impulse to communicate is there in a God-given way.

Back in 1971, when I was sixteen years old, none of my classmates would have guessed that I would have ended up as an Anglican priest. That was the farthest thing from my mind. God is always full of surprises.

My mother, not my father, was the strong church-goer. You can imagine my shock as a 17-year-old when my 48-year-old father decided to become confirmed by Archbishop David Somerville. What a strange thing to do! For better or worse, many teens tend to imitate their father’s behaviour and distance themselves from their mother’s example. Within three months of my father’s confirmation, I gave my life to Jesus Christ and never looked back. ‘Like Father, like Son’

The most famous person who ever lived on planet earth once said: “If you have seen me, you have seen the Father”. Like Father, Like Son. He also said: “Whatever the Father does, the Son does”. Like Father, Like Son. Jesus also said: “He who does not honour the Son does not honour the Father who sent him.” Like Father, Like Son. My prayer for those reading this article is that all of us may honour both our earthly Fathers and our heavenly Father, revealed in his beautiful Son.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, 102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

My father-in-law David is solid like a rock. I have been married to his daughter for thirty-three years. David jokes that he has never quite forgiven me for taking his daughter away, as she was the lead soprano in his choir. To make up for this ‘theft’, I have paid him back by ‘giving’ him three grandchildren. The nicest thing about grandchildren, of course, is that you can fuss over them, and then send them back home!

Over the years, my father-in-law has shown great wisdom in dealing with impossible situations. When others give up, he keeps on moving faithfully forward. I have experienced my father-in-law as someone who never stopped expecting the best from you. Many times over the years, my father-in-law has opened doors for me to speak in situations that would otherwise have been closed. He is a true Barnabas, a Son of Encouragement.

When I have faced enormous obstacles relationally, financially or spiritually, David has always been someone that I could sit down with and pour out my heart. I am blessed with ‘stereo’ wisdom from my father-in-law and my own father, both of whom live just ten minutes from each other. We live in a culture that is often embarrassed by aging and gray hair, but the Good Book says that ‘Gray hair is a crown of splendor’ and a potential sign of wisdom that comes through often painful years of experience. My father-in-law’s wisdom has taught me to be less afraid of aging and gray hair!

‘With humility comes wisdom’, writes King Solomon in the Book of Proverbs. My father-in-law is a very humble man, so much so that he wouldn’t recognize his own humility. The Good Book says ‘Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.’ There is gentleness to my father-in-law that has drawn many hurting, broken people over the years. People instinctively know that David cares. My father-in-law is both a true shepherd and a true gentleman.

I remember when I announced to my father-in-law that I was going to marry his daughter. Because I said it with a smile, he thought that I was joking! But after I got down on my knees, he got the point. I am one of a rare breed of bridegrooms whose father-in-law actually performed the marriage ceremony. My father-in-law is one of three brothers who became ordained as clergy. So you can imagine all the speeches that we had at our wedding reception. My wedding reception, by the way, was so long that we actually had to have an intermission!

One of the most refreshing things about my father-in-law is that he doesn’t take himself too seriously. Being a wonderful storyteller, he always has a great joke that breaks the ice, and opens people up to deeper spiritual truth. With a twinkle in his eye, David will tell a hilarious story of some mishap that happened as children back on the family farm in Saskatchewan.

It was there in Saskatchewan that he met my future mother-in-law. If there was ever a marriage made in heaven, their marriage was one of them. Filled with much love and perseverance, their marriage inspired many other struggling couples to go the second mile and keep on forgiving. Everything about David and Vera breathed the message of hope and steadfast endurance in the face of great obstacles. Their faith in our Lord Jesus Christ was the open secret of their great love for each other, and for a hurting world. Though it has been ten years now since Vera passed on, she is still fondly remembered.*

My father-in-law has been deeply impacted by the Christian Ashram Retreat movement. I admire people who want to keep growing and learning even into their retirement years. David is always looking for ways to be more loving, more caring, more forgiving, more Christ-like. The Christian Ashram movement is a big part of what makes my father-in-law tick, of what keeps him vital and joyful year after year. If David had one wish for those of you reading this article, I am sure that it would be the desire that you might experience a transformed life through attending a Christian Ashram retreat. My own life has been radically transformed through many years of spending each summer at a Christ-centered Ashram retreat with my father-in-law and family. You are invited to join us this summer for an unforgettable three-day BC Christian Ashram retreat this July. Click on the BC Christian Ashram website, or give us a call at 604-533-5509 or ed_hird@telus.net . You will never regret making that phone call.

* David has been so blessed to be given a dear second wife Una by the Lord who has joined faithfully into the Christian Ashram family.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, #102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5, Canada.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC V4A 0A5.

For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

I remember when I lost my voice for 18 months back in 1980. I will never forget resigning my job, going on sick leave, driving to the Government Employment office only to find out that my company did not have any long-term disability insurance. In the midst of those devastating experiences, my strongest feeling was that I was disappointing my father. However my dad was not feeling that way at all. He was just concerned that I recover my voice and get back on track. Deep within most of us is this inexpressible desire to please our fathers.

In the early 1980’s, I spent almost five years in Abbotsford, during which time we had our second child. Each week I went to visit the sick in the local hospital. While visiting the psychiatric ward, I met a man who had Anglican and Roman Catholic parents. He said to me that he hadn’t seen a priest in thirty years. Out of the blue, he told me that he never prayed to God. ‘God was too angry’, he said. ‘You just couldn’t talk to him. He would always blow up.’ The man went on to say that he only prayed to the Virgin Mary. ‘She was kind, loving, gentle, and would always listen’, he said.

I said to the man, ‘Does God ever remind you of your earthly father?’. ‘Funny you should say that’, he said. ‘ They are just the same. They never listen and they always blow up at me.’ I went on to say, ‘What about your own mother? Does she remind you of the Virgin Mary?’ His eyes brightened up, and he said to me, ‘You must know my parents. My mother is just like the Virgin Mary. She always listens to me’.

I said to the man, ‘Your problem is not with God. It is with your earthly father. If you are willing to deal with the pain of your relationship to your dad, you will find that you will be able to talk to God.’ A week later, a local psychiatrist phoned me up and informed me that this patient had experienced a major breakthrough in his counseling as a result.

In A.A., they say that you are as sick as your secrets. I would agree, but also add that we are as healthy as our relationship with our fathers. So many men nowadays are caught in painful ambivalence and confusion, because they have never really felt affirmed and blessed by their own fathers. The gift of a healthy father is the gift of courage. The gift of a healthy father is the gift of being willing to lay down our lives, if necessary, for our families. In this age of compromise, I give thanks for my own father who has not been afraid to stand up for his family and his convictions.

Without a father who believes in you, it may be very hard as a teenager to feel that you are going to make it through. They say that teenagers experience most things far more intensely than many adults. Their highs are twice as high and their lows are twice as low. That is why premature sexual intimacy and the usual relational breakups are so deeply devastating for our teenagers. A courageous father does more than just give a condom to his kid. He explains to him the real risk of broken hearts and diseased bodies, as well of the benefits of waiting for real commitment. By our faithfulness to our wives, despite the ups and down of life, we give our children courage to believe that they too can enter faithful lasting relationships. The concept of future marriage for many teenagers and young adults has become filled with so much fear and uncertainty. Yet as Dr. Laura put it, ‘Without commitment, there is no future.’ Courageous fathers give to their sons and daughters the courage to commit to the unknown future.

One of the things I love the most about the North Shore is the beautiful trails that are woven throughout our area. Recently I encountered a neighbour walking his dog. Out of the blue, I said, ‘What is a courageous father?’ He said, ‘Someone who holds down a job and cares for his children’. Simple words, but very true. In this age of compromise, in this pressure-cooker world, so many fathers are tempted to run away from it all. The stress just becomes too much.

I thank God for my own father who never ran from our family during good times and bad, during sickness and health, for better or for worse. I thank God for being the father of the fatherless, the one who gives me courage to not run from stress, who gives me the courage to stand my ground when everything else is falling apart, to stand for truth when many seem to be compromising.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, 102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.

By the Rev. Dr. Ed Hird

I remember when I lost my voice for 18 months back in 1980. I will never forget resigning my job, going on sick leave, driving to the Employment Insurance office only to find out that my company did not have any long-term disability insurance.

In the midst of those devastating experiences, my strongest feeling was that I was disappointing my father. However my dad was not feeling that way at all. He was just concerned that I recover my voice and get back on track. Deep within most of us is this inexpressible desire to please our fathers.

In the early 1980’s, I spent almost five years in Abbotsford, during which time we had our second child. Each week I went to visit the sick in the local hospital. While visiting the psychiatric ward, I met a man who had Anglican and Roman Catholic parents. He said to me that he hadn’t seen a priest in thirty years. Out of the blue, he told me that he never prayed to God. ‘God was too angry’, he said. ‘You just couldn’t talk to him. He would always blow up.’ The man went on to say that he only prayed to the Virgin Mary. ‘She was kind, loving, gentle, and would always listen’, he said.

I said to the man, ‘Does God ever remind you of your earthly father?’. ‘Funny you should say that’, he said. ‘ They are just the same. They never listen and they always blow up at me.’ I went on to say, ‘What about your own mother? Does she remind you of the Virgin Mary?’ His eyes brightened up, and he said to me, ‘You must know my parents. My mother is just like the Virgin Mary. She always listens to me’.

I said to the man, ‘Your problem is not with God. It is with your earthly father. If you are willing to deal with the pain of your relationship to your dad, you will find that you will be able to talk to God.’ A week later, a local psychiatrist phoned me up and informed me that this patient had experienced a major breakthrough in his counseling as a result.

In A.A., they say that you are as healthy as your (lack of) secrets. I would agree, but also add that we are as healthy as our relationship with our fathers. So many men nowadays are caught in painful ambivalence and confusion, because they have never really felt affirmed and blessed by their own fathers.

The gift of a healthy father is the gift of courage. The gift of a healthy father is the gift of being willing to lay down our lives, if necessary, for our families. In this age of compromise, I give thanks for my own father who has not been afraid to stand up for his family and his convictions.

Without a father who believes in you, it may be very hard as a teenager to feel that you are going to make it through. They say that teenagers experience most things far more intensely than many adults. Their highs are twice as high and their lows are twice as low. That is why premature sexual intimacy and the usual relational breakups are so deeply devastating for our teenagers.

A courageous father does more than just give a condom to his kid. He explains to him the real risk of broken hearts and diseased bodies, as well of the benefits of waiting for real commitment. By our faithfulness to our wives, despite the ups and down of life, we give our children courage to believe that they too can enter faithful lasting relationships.

The concept of future marriage for many teenagers and young adults has become filled with so much fear and uncertainty. Yet as Dr. Laura put it, ‘Without commitment, there is no future.’ Courageous fathers give to their sons and daughters the courage to commit to the unknown future.

One of the things I love the most about the North Shore is the beautiful trails that are woven throughout our area. While out walking in the trails, I asked a neighbour, ‘What is a courageous father?’ He said, ‘Someone who holds down a job and cares for his children’. Simple words, but very true.

In this age of compromise, in this pressure-cooker world, so many fathers are tempted to run away from it all. The stress just becomes too much. I thank God for my own father who never ran from our family during good times and bad, during sickness and health, for better or for worse. I thank God for being the father of the fatherless, the one who gives me courage to not run from stress, who gives me the courage to stand my ground when everything else is falling apart, to stand for truth when many seem to be compromising.

To receive a signed copy within North America, just send a $20 cheque (USD/CAN) to ED HIRD, 102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5.

– In order to obtain a signed copy of the prequel book Battle for the Soul of Canada, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #102-15168 19th Avenue, Surrey, BC, Canada V4A 0A5. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $4.99 CDN/USD.