When you have a million things on your plate, the last thing you probably ever think about doing is stopping to notice how you’re feeling. You might wonder, “What if I get caught in a funk and I can’t get out? “Who will do all the things that need to be done?”

It’s impossible to ignore our feelings with the hope that they will just go away. Many times, these repressed emotions will show up in our body as stress, anxiety, fatigue, and even insomnia.

Getting in touch with your emotions can save you from the inner turmoil of keeping your feelings bottled up, or the risk of having your emotions overflow when you least expect it.

It takes some effort and training, but becoming more aware and present with your emotions will allow you to know yourself on a deeper level. This will undoubtedly improve your communication, strengthen your sense of self and enrich your experience of life.

Start by paying attention to your body.

What changes do you notice when you’re feeling angry? Does your face flush? Do you grind your teeth? What about when you’re nervous or anxious? Can you recognize when your heart starts to beat faster? Does your breathing become shallower? Make a note of what you notice. Learning about these changes in your body will help you recognize when a feeling has emerged.

Now, pay attention to your thoughts.

What’s going through your mind while you’re feeling that emotion? Are you giving yourself a hard time because of how you are feeling? Are any “shoulds” popping up? (“I should have…” “They shoudn’t…”). What you tell yourself about how you feel will either intensify that feeling or help you better understand and accept that feeling. Are your thoughts helpful or hurtful?

Finally, pause for a few minutes.

When feelings emerge it’s tough to give yourself the time to pause, but it’s worth it. Pausing helps you not send that angry email or jump to conclusions about another person’s behaviors.

Feelings are a part of the human experience. They are simply information about what you need. If you can pause to accept what you are feeling without judgement, you will be more aware of what you need, how to respond, and will develop a stronger sense of self.

Communicate More Effectively in all your Relationships

Good communication is the foundation for every relationship, and it’s also one of the hardest things to establish. Couples often have a hard time communicating, not because they aren’t listening, but because they aren’t ‘hearing’ what their partner is saying. Here are some things you can do to foster understanding and create more effective communication in your relationship.

Talk Back

One thing you can do to communicate more effective with you partner is to repeat back what he or she has said to you. That doesn’t mean you should sound like a parrot, it means paraphrasing what you think they’ve said and checking in with them to see that you got it right.

You are letting your partner know you are trying to understand the meaning behind what they are saying. A lot of conflict can be avoided if you get your own filters out of the way.

Give Your Attention

This isn’t the time to be on your phone, watching TV or scrolling social media. Put away the distractions and give your partner your full attention. If you are in the middle of something when approached, state that you would like to hear what they have to say as it’s important to you and let them know when you will be finished.

Remember, if you do this, you must make yourself available to them when you are done. This isn’t a way to escape the conversation!

Be Direct

When we are indirect people usually don’t get the message we are trying to convey. In some ways it makes sense that you would want to avoid conflict or confrontation, but not being direct often leads to misunderstanding. The simple truth is that not being direct often leads to more of the conflict you’re trying to avoid by being indirect. In fact, if you were to pay attention for a day or two, you’d probably be amazed at how often you use wiggle words instead of making a direct statement about something.

Ask Questions

Another effective tool is to ask questions. Not the interrogating kind, but the ones that draw your partner into a conversation. This does two things: on the one hand, it engages your partner and, on the other, it helps get you past the habit of being indirect.

By asking a question, you soften the entry into a conversation. Asking direct questions, rather than skirting a conversation, is the best of both worlds. Try using open-ended questions, as they require more than one word answers.

Remember, good communication is a two-way street. Your goal should be to find a comfortable balance between talking, asking, and listening in order to ensure that your communication flows freely both ways.