Not the expert mom with all the answers...the mom who can't stop looking for them.

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Friday, August 30, 2013

The Good, Bad & Ugly

I'm sitting in the nail salon, reviewing a book for a friend and getting my toes done. I'm in seventh heaven ...until my cell phone rings.

These boys make my head hurt! Photo Courtesy of Bitstrips on Facebook

The Ugly

Red had his first outburst of anger at school ...in the cafeteria, where friendship and feelings of unpopularity have triggered him in the past. We gave him the benefit of the doubt since his attitude has been so upbeat and optimistic for weeks now. He has been focused on the positives and not fixating on the negatives. So, we went ahead and gave him the freedom to choose where he would eat lunch.

He sold us a good bag of goods about how he wanted to be free to talk to his peers during his last semester on the high school campus. Well apparently, he can't keep his mind off of the one peer who is dissing him -not showing him any love, instead of focusing on the friends he wants to get to know.

Apparently, a trigger, is still a trigger. He is unable to make the alternate choices of going into 2 different sensory friendly areas where he can have lunch. One is a classroom where there is a quiet group sitting, talking and hanging out. The other is called Base Camp, where they can't eat, play video games, board games or table tennis.

HELLO! Who wouldn't chose that? Red -obviously.

Instead, he chooses to go into the cafeteria where he ends up acting out, badly. As a result, the adults in his life, have to make the choice for him. I am terribly disappointed by this turn of events. He doesn't seem to learn anything from the past and makes these impulsive decisions that puts himself in compromising situations. He knows the right thing to do. But when he gets angry, all bets are off. He does not think rationally. This is a pretty scary thing for a young, black man who is getting ready to turn 18.

The Good

The good news is...Blue was nervous and anxious about going to the first high school football game, but he really wanted to go. His friends are in the band, and he wants to be there to see them play. His Social Skills teacher told him about a sprit group that he can run through the tunnel with down on the field, and then sit with this group in the stands. The idea of being with new people, and running out on the field where people would be "looking at him" was a scary thought.

I encouraged him to step out of his comfort zone and take the chance on meeting some new people and having some fun. I told him if he started to feel really uncomfortable, just give us a call and we would pick him up. I knew he would end up loving it!

He took the bate! He went to the game and so far...no phone call to come home!

The Bad

Red can not and has never, gone to a high school game at least not since he's been in high school. He is a now senior. He was going to go tonight for the first time with Blue and another friend. But he made some choices today that will not allow that to happen.

I'm going to try to focus on the good news.

Blue is at the first game, of his first year as a high school freshman.
Go Blue!
I hope you enjoy the game!