Loue Karlin and the Totem Lion

LOUE KARLIN AND THE TOTEM LION

Beginning First Week

Lunch with Max, a client, today. Ram-Ram, did he turn me on! Leonine is not a word I use lightly (or ever, come to that) but it fits him like a glove. We’re meeting for dinner tonight as a pesky call from the office made me pass on the Peach Melba. Is he the ‘Animale…Man-imal…’ for Little Loue? Uhm…? Will scrupulously investigate and decide over the next two weeks. Time’s running out. Each Totem Male gets just 15 days to prove he’s Mr Right. TT actually says that’s 14 days too generous! Twenty-four hours should do the trick!

End First Week.

Sound the trumpets! Bring on the heavenly choir! How we mesh together! I’ve fallen for his golden brown eyes and mane of yellow hair. That fresh, clear skin. Those beginnings of bags under the ever so serious eyes. The grave demeanour; evidence of the heavy responsibilities Totem Lions seem to carry. All that powerful energy and the v igorous way he moves. The consummate sophisticate. Unruffled by whatever mood I lob at him. Max is my rock, I sense.

Steady, Loue. Back to basics. Let’s take your all-important agenda of falling on in love and marrying a true friend and equal partner. Someone who’ll share my love of the arts, and likes sleeping with the window open. Insists like me on total fidelity, and always cracks his boiled egg instead of slicing it. Supports my high concepts and philosophical ideals, and always, but always, throws salt over his shoulder at the sight of two crossed knives. That’s me, Loue Karlin, the zodiac’s Pisces Princess on a Pea; a dab hand at acting out the ‘beyond reproach, peerless, spotless, nature’s goodie-goodie two shoes seeking a fairy-tale existence.

Course, I’ve never doubted that luminous ‘poisson’ poised and precious attraction of mine that guarantees men hit on me earlier and faster than any female on the block. Obviously Max spotted it straight away.

Back to Max. Works long hours at Investment Banking – hence the trademark slate gray and charcoal suiting sheathing a perfectly proportioned bod. The best dresser ever. Strong legs. Low centre of gravity. Going gray at the sides (seems to affect Lion Men earlier than most) Comfortable in his skin: cool, calm and collected - totally confident of his ability to achieve his ambitions. Think Mel Gibson, Val Kilmer.

Sex. Nothing short of fantastic. Well, make that improving gradually. Actually not always sure his heart’s always in it if the tennis is on tele. Must be my fault. I’ll just simply have to try harder.

End Second Week.

Really pissed off! Okay, so his C.V. reads ‘hardworking, ambitious: a thinking ahead, tenacious survivor, and super loyal and trustworthy.’ Okay, on the face of it just what I’m looking for. But, now that the moon dust has worn off, it’s just that we simply don’t click!

Take last night - although I’d rather not. We’re attending this high-class Banking function. And there’s my Lion networking the room with clinical efficiency, pursuing to the nth degree that ambitious streak of his. Not paying me the slightest attention despite the fact that there’s this drunken Accounts Receivable head honcho from Sri Lanka slobbering all over my décolleté. And that’s when it went ping! I’ll always come second to his drive to the top! He can’t help it. He doesn’t even know he’s doing wrong. Bottom line: You team up with a Lion and you play by his rules. He’s not going to change. Upshot: Loue’s out of the door quicker than you can say ‘Hasta la vista, banker babee!

Sure, I know in the final analysis his strong right arm would always be there for me and all that stuff. Equally though, I know what he really deep down craves is a 110 percent compliant doormat. Ideally, a shy, devoted to his needs, heiress, more than prepared to put up with, indeed, positively in awe of his lofty detachment. To tell it like it is, an expensive Cartier watch on a woman’s wrist tends to turn him on more than the sight of acres of bosom bursting out of a low cut dress. Spooky!

Sex. At most six out of nine, and that’s when he’s really firing. Problem is he’s too much of a cool cat to be great in bed. I sense his ideal playmate would either be an ‘experienced’ woman or a rosy virginal 16 year old. As I’m neither, I simply don’t rate in his pick of the pops. Different story with women like my hairdresser friend, Sadie, for instance. I can just see her putting on that prim and proper, repressed librarian look to titillate his libido. Or, swinging between sexpot nympho and the Countess from Castille to really raise the stakes.

No, negative, nix for Loue Karlin. All that dressing up! Although, I have to admit Max’s powerful, protective presence gave me a tum-turning seismic turn on. I truly do need someone with that rock-like quality. He’s close, my Totem Lion, but not close enough. Concentrating hard, I reckon that Totem-wise he’d be just right for one of the Air Women: Gemini, Aquarius or Libra. Yes, Libra, that’s it! Perfect! And who do I know as a Libran to go with my Totem Lion? Why, the aforesaid Sadie of course. (Think Catherine Zeta-Jones, Bridget Bardot). A second divorce behind her denotes molto man crankiness experience. I’ll let him down gently and then set the two of them up.

Beginning Third Week

“Now let me see if I’ve got this right, Loue,” said Sadie over coffee to arrange the Max transfer.

Actually, Sadie was thrilled. Men like Max don’t grow on trees. She concentrated on extracting every skerrick of information from Loue. Instinctively, she knew she’d found the perfect match to her Libran nature.

The problem was how to get the relationship just right. The full frontal, frank and fearless approach she’d just outlined wasn’t going to make him change his core character. Uhm…Maybe, as a first step, she ought to take a good, hard look at herself to see how they could mesh in. As a Libran, she’d always been a churning wellspring of emotions and raw feelings. Always coming on strong, travelling on gut instinct, even if it meant putting people offside. An incredible ability – read schizo personality – to switch from goodtime, party girl to sorrowful soul in the blink of an eye.

In a flash of insight, it came to her that in every relationship in the past, she’d attracted tyrannical beasts, mercilessly exploiting her put-upon drama queen, emotional chaos act (refer typical Librans like Meryl Streep and Courteney Love, perpetually on the edge of tears). What she, as an Air sign, needed, was a strong, rock-like figure who’d go with the flow of her ebbs and eddies.

And then it came to her. What they needed was a shared ambition. Each of them had to be supporting each other on their exhilarating way to the top.

End Fourth Week

Max was in his seventh heaven. Sadie was out of this world. He couldn’t believe his luck that a chance meeting a couple of weeks ago in the coffee shop he frequented could have resulted in such happiness.

It was her influence that had made him reach a more mature understanding of himself. For the first time in his life, he’d taken stock of his bad traits. One by one he ticked them off: a power hungry snob, totally ruthless in pursuit of his objectives. Inclined to look at what could go wrong rather than right – a dyed in the wool pessimist, inclined to ‘whisper worries’. The sternest of disciplinarians at work and, at home, a cold, undemonstrative partner who found it difficult to express love and affection even though he might feel it. Wow!

All true until he met this woman from Venus – all the characteristics he’d ever subconsciously yearned for. But THE most important contribution she’d brought to their relationship - the bond that held them together – was the way she’d become the mainspring of their shared ambition. A successful businesswoman in her own right – someone the world looked up to – her paramount desire was to share his goals and ideals and make them theirs. Could any man be luckier?

Sadie wrote in her diary on the day they moved in together: “The key to perfect harmony between Totem Lion and Libra Air Woman comes in five little words:

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