MoviePass’ Hilarious Reign of Terror Continues as Cancellation Is No Longer an Option

Your smug friends were right: MoviePass was too good (and possibly stupid) to last. Following reports that the service was dangerously close to going broke, MoviePass reconfigured its app with “peak pricing,” upping the subscription rate and limiting the number of movies users could see each month to three. When that didn’t work (because literally every hour seemed to be a “peak” hour), the company decided that users would only have two films to choose from — like a diabolical Sophie’s Choice for the tech era. But MoviePass’ comedy of horrendous errors didn’t stop there, as anyone who still (somehow) has an account can tell you.

In an effort to save money and keep itself afloat, MoviePass has tried just about everything: Investing in a John Travolta movie that’s so bad it’s already developed a cult following, selling branded merchandise, and re-upping subscription costs. All those changes have, understandably, had the opposite of the intended effect because MoviePass has apparently been hemorrhaging users for weeks now. But they have a fix for that, too!

In an email sent out to users last night, MoviePass advised that cancellation is, essentially, no longer an option:

Please note: if you had previously requested cancellation prior to opting-in, your opt-in to the new plan will take priority and your account will not be cancelled

That confusing wording, which was probably intentional, basically boils down to this: There is no escape. You belong to MoviePass now. Any attempt to cancel your account will result in an automatic subscription renewal. In the simplest of terms: You’re f—ked.

This practice, which strongly resembles what the average person might call a “scam,” is also affecting users who already successfully deleted their accounts. Those people are having their dead subscriptions revived and automatically renewed, as well. Chase Mitchell, a writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, tweeted about his own futile attempts to leave MoviePass:

We are approximately one week away from someone remaking 2001 with MoviePass. “Siri, please cancel my MoviePass account.” “I’m sorry, Dave, but I can’t do that.”