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Thursday, December 29

A New Christian NBC Series

The American Family Association is urging members to write to NBC at once because a new series, "The Book of Daniel" is written by a practicing homosexual, there will be a homosexual as a regular in the series and what's more the whole family of the Episcopal priest is dysfunctional.

"The main character is Daniel Webster, a drug-addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her mid-day martinis.

Webster regularly sees and talks with a very unconventional white-robed, bearded Jesus. The Webster family is rounded out by a 23-year-old homosexual Republican son, a 16-year-old daughter who is a drug dealer, and a 16-year-old adopted son who is having sex with the bishop's daughter.

At the office, his lesbian secretary is sleeping with his sister-in-law."

Why it sounds downright HBO-ish! The horror. I don't get the homosexual republican though.

I have a better idea for a Christian NBC show:

Premise: An Episcopal priest with a lovely wife and 3 adorable children reside in a parish in a wealthy NYC suburb. Every day the family gathers together to thank God and praise him for all the blessings he has bestowed on them and their parishioners.

In one episode, little Mary is almost late for Mass. Dad gives her a stern look as she sits out of breath as the service begins. Later on, she explains how she helped a homeless kitten out of tree and that's why she was late. The whole family laughs and hugs little Mary. Another disaster is averted.

Makes for compelling television doesn't it?

In another episode, the priest councils a young gay man and convinces him to let go of the path he is on. The young man marries the girl next door and they live happily ever after.

The following week, the priest asks parishioners to bring canned goods for the poor. They do. The poor people in a neighboring town are grateful. The parishioners meet at the golf club for cocktails on the patio and talk about how good they feel for giving.

In a special Easter episode, the parishioners are concerned because the stock market took a plunge earlier in the week. A sermon about riding out the storm lifts the spirits of the parishioners who are afraid they will be wiped out and might have to move to a neighboring town. They begin to pray much harder and miraculously the market swings upward on Holy Thursday.

Concerned that some of the parishioners may be abusing their martinis, the priest preaches the importance of moderation and suggests that the flock limit their martini time each day to the hours between 5-7PM. Several parishioners heed the advice and their children's grades go up.

I just described the neighborhood where I lived with my parents. Real exciting eh? Oh lots of good stuff happened behind closed doors, but no one would want to see that on the tele, would they?