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When kids are rude to their parents, what do you do?

I'm off work today, planned vacation day, just cuz. Anyhow, the kids told me they would be playing (band) in church this morning. I was planning on go to Mass, I'd never been able to go when the school goes, due being at work. I was a little excited and bonus of having both kids play during Mass their trumpet and trombone.
Anyhow, so I drop them off at 7:30ish, Mass starts at 8. I go park closer to the church and wait a few minutes in my car before going inside. Still plenty early.
So, once inside I see the band director and ask if he needs help setting anything up, etc. He says No, but he'll have to send the kids over with music stand and stuff - If I could just watch them and such. I said Okay and sat down.
A few minutes later my son and his friend come in with their hands full, looking down the sidewalk I see more kids and decided to hold the door open. I go up and down the stares a few time, cuz someone his hitting a drum and the people down stares are saying the Rosery, So, I ask them to be quite.
My son has his hands on his head, as to be pulling his hair out -cuz I'm there. My daughter is giving me "looks" and bust past me, telling me to get out of here. Being very rude.
So, I go outside and get in my car to leave. My son going back over to band hall to get more stuff sees me and ask me where I'm going - I'm in tears, I was excited to see them play and being able to help out and they treat me like dirt, Like I shouldn't be there and my daughter even tells me to leave.
My son ask me not to go, but I tell him, that him and his sister do not have to be rude to me all the time and I leave.
So, now I'm been home a few hours - and I don't know what to do. I'm still upset.

I'm a single mom, that does everything for these damn kids - for what?

My daughter has a volleyball game this afternoon and I do not want to anymore, my son has a football game on Saturday, I'm thinking of just dropping him off.

I'm tired of giving, giving and giving with nothing in return. Rude kids! They are 11 and 12.

So, what do you do when your kids are just flat out rude and ugly to you?

They are at that age that they want to pretend that they don't have parents. I call them Hatchlings. They were hatched from pods and dont require parents.

I learned to not take their crap personally, do what I wanted to do,(stay and watch), and correct their behavior immediately, but not in front of their friends. My oldest is 31, then 29, 25, and 23. ALL girls. My youngest are 14 y.o. twins. (girl and boy)

I even did stuff like wear hats they hate and bright red lipstick.

Once, one of them rolled their eyes at me and said, "You are sooooo dysfunctional."

I lost it and yelled,"Get in the car, dammit. I put the fun in dysfunctional."

You are the mom. They are not going to like you no matter what you do for the next few years. Don't put up with their bad behavior.

Prepare yourself for the next phase of their lives: Freshmanitis. They know everything about everything that firs yr. of college.

They both would have had their behinds in the car too and found themselves in their room instead of playing in that band. You leaving just because a kid told you too is unacceptable as a parent. You're teaching them now that they an run all over you. Volleyball, football and band..?? I think not. A nice long weekend locked in the house... Absolutely.

i cannot just take them out of school - this is a school event this morning.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 11:44 AM on Sep. 22, 2011

Spare the rod, spoil the child. You as a parent have been givin the beautiful abilty to have children! You are a PARENT, not friend. Sounds like you do have a good relationship with your kids, but it also sounds to me that you may go a little too far in trying to make them happy. Life will swallow them if you do not teach them. Kids don't always have to like you, (because you don't give them everything they ask for), but they will respect you as an adult and as MOTHER. So, don't spare that rod! Show them who is MOM. Have a discussion with them and let them know this will change. And go through with your punishments! You can do this!!

Insist on respect or it's going to get worse. If they know you're going to bow down when they want you to do something then you're letting them win. When they get home tell them it's going to stop, they will not have any privileges until they can prove to you that they've earned it. You're the parent, now go make sure they know it.

I left because I was in tears, I didn't want to make a spectral of myself. I know, it hurt my son's feeling me not being there but my daughter, she's the one who will be like mentioned above - with they I guess, I won attitude.

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 11:48 AM on Sep. 22, 2011

I think mrsgino has some great advice, I do the same things on purpose to my kids. I also come right back at them when they are rude, not in a rude way but usually I'll make a snarky comment of some sort.
If one of my boys had told me to leave, I would have looked right at him and said well now I'm staying all day long just to make you miserable, or something like - I'm sorry you feel like that but I'm not going anywhere. To which I probably would have gotten the response - you are so difficult.
You can't let them get the best of you, it seems like your son really cares and felt bad he hurt your feelings. You just need to put yourself in control and not put up with the behavior. You are in charge. Don't let them get away with it now, or you'll definitely have your hands full later. (from experience 13 yrs old is the worst).

You left because your kids told you to and upset you? THAT is why they are acting rude to you. STOP!! Do not back down. I would have pulled them aside and ripped into them right there in front of everyone. Their behavior is unacceptable and not tolerated by me. I have called my son out on rude behavior when he is at school or with his friends. Sometimes, embarassing them works wonders. He know thinks twice before he says something rude to me.

Go home and have a long talk about why their behavior was wrong, why you were upset and what the consequences will be. I suggest, taking EVERYTHING out of their rooms but their bed and maybe their clothes (you can give clean clothes daily) until they EARN items back one by one by being respectful.