Nov. 13: Post-election laughs

I know, I know. I already blogged about the election. I don’t want to be like the political ads that got lost in the mail and are finally arriving, too late to matter and not really that important anyway… I really am not planning on continuing talk of the election. But this? This I could not resist sharing.

A fundraiser for the Bob Woodruff Foundation, Stand Up for Heroes, was held in New York City last Thursday and was quite the star-studded event: Mike Birbiglia, Ricky Gervais, John Maher, Patton Oswalt, Bruce Springsteen, Jon Stewart, Robin Williams, and Roger Waters performed. Here’s a bit from Jon Stewart’s turn, which, not surprisingly, was about the election results:

Poor Mitt Romney. How do you f— that up? …You’ve got a president $16 trillion in debt, you’ve got 8 percent unemployment, you’ve got a vice president that’s the kind of guy that seems like he’s trying to bang chicks at funerals.

Even worse, said Stewart, Romney couldn’t even beat someone with a dubious moniker like Barack Hussein Obama —

It’d be like Franklin Roosevelt losing to a guy named Gaydolf Shitler.

I suppose this wouldn’t be nearly as amusing coming out of, say, Ann Coulter’s mouth. But Jon Stewart? Well, he’s a genius AND adorkable.

Heh heh heh… Gaydolf Shitler. I need to get a really despicable pet or Cabbage Patch Kid so I have something I can call Gaydolf Shitler.

facts of jen's life

So, who do you think you are? I think I’m Jen. People who don’t know me sometimes call me Jenny. That’s weird.

Tell me about yourself. I was born a small black child, and am now a grown-up, or at least my kids think I am. I’m in my mid-40s and live in the ‘burbs of Portland, Oregon. My husband is Victor, and my kids are Katie and Jack. Read this if you want the real and very long scoop.

Tell me things people might not know about you. I am an ordained minister and can perform marriages. Why no one has asked me to do this for them yet, I do not know. ● At the request of my Disney-hating friend Ed, I got mouse ears embroidered with the name “Satan” and I didn’t even get kicked out of Disneyland. It’s quite possibly the ballsiest thing I’ve ever done. ● I “helped” write this book, published in 2012: You Take it From Here, by Pamela Ribon. My name is in the back, and I’m still geeking out about it. ● I recorded a song in a studio in 1994 and it got local radio play for a few months. At least two times I turned on the radio in the car and my song was playing at that moment—very cool. ● I nearly died from a zit in 1986. I am not making this up. ● Victor and I once appeared on The Tonight Show. Really. If you can find a VCR, I’ll show you the tape.

I read some of your posts and I think you might be an alcoholic. I drink way less than I write about drinking. If I ever STOP talking about booze, then it’ll be time for an intervention.

If you could punch anything or anyone in the face, what/who would it be? Cancer. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in November 2009. I kicked its big fat ugly ass and am in remission now. ● Comic Sans. ● People who won’t take responsibility for their problems—the “I didn’t do anything to deserve this!” attitude. Look in the mirror. That’s who to blame. ● Celebrities who are famous for no reason. Y’know, if we stop looking, they’ll go away... ● Bad grammar and spelling and the dummies who use it.

You seem bitter. Did someone piss in your Cheerios? I’m not bitter. I think unicorns-and-rainbows stuff isn’t very interesting to read, so I tend not to write that way. But also, now you’re being kind of a jackhole.

It seems like no one ever comments on your blog posts. Why is that? Most people comment on the Facebook links. I don’t know why.

What if I want to tell you something? Two ways to reach me: leave a comment on a post, or e-mail me at jenniferTAKETHISPARTOUTmanullang at gmail-dot-com.