Lazy Sunday: Mother’s Day 2012

Being a mom is one of the only jobs I’ve never wanted to quit. It’s taxing, but it’s also hilarious and sweet and fulfilling, and I get to experience my heart changing each and every day.

But, I’m especially thankful Andy figured out intercourse, not only so I get these three monsters in my life, but because I needed this maternal punch to the face to even begin to understand my own mother, and how fucking amazing she is. It took pushing something out of my vagina three times and being shit and puked on for six years to become unselfish enough to see that she was an amazing mother despite going through things that no mother, or woman, should ever, ever have to experience. And I get this lady as a mother and a best friend!

That doesn’t count as my present though, Andy. I still have a Mother’s Day list of demands:

1. I want to eat all three of my meals while they are still warm today. Or cold. Really, whatever temperature they are supposed to be to safely consume and not get botulism.

2. I want to go to Home Depot to look at my stuff, not your stuff, Andy.

3. I don’t want to wipe anyone today. You know what, including myself. It’s not weird unless you make it weird.

4. I don’t need flowers or breakfast in bed or homemade coupons, but I would like a nap today, with the air conditioning on as high as I want it, no complaints.

That movie still scares the shit out of me. The used to show it in school. WTF. Now you can’t even show a Disney movie in the classroom without sending a note home to parents. Oh the times, they have a changed.