The title is a description of my old life...but these days I ramble on about widowhood, homeschooling, single parenting, adoption, special-needs parenting, & living a life I never planned for or expected - a life that God, thankfully, continues to strengthen & equip me for daily...

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Day 421

DIARY OF AN UNWILLING WIDOW

July 31, 2014

Day 421

There's not a
whole lot to report on this week.It
hasn't been all that crazy and I've actually gotten some things accomplished,
rather than simply spinning wheels as I frequently feel like I'm doing.Maybe this is what life is going to be like
now that the house is pretty much done?Or maybe, more than likely,it's
been an abnormal week!

David had
three friends here Tues. and Wed.This
was a repeat of something he did with these same friends a year ago this
week.He tells me it is now an
established tradition.I didn't have to
do a whole lot for them - a little bit of cooking, cleaned the bathrooms - that
was it.Teenagers entertain themselves,
so that part was easy enough!

I had service
guys at my house three days in a row.Monday, our wi-fi was installed.We are definitely enjoying that!Once I pay for the devices and labor costs, it's actually going to be
cheaper than what I was paying for slower, modem, internet before.Tuesday, Sears sent a guy to fix my freezer
display.That didn't take too long.He did try to talk me into an extended
warranty, but I didn't bite.I can't see
paying $100 a year on a $500 item.After
he fixed my display, he showed me the "value" of his work that day
(covered by the one year warranty) and it came out at $467!Yeah, I don't think I would ever call Sears
to come fix my things once we got past that warranty period...

And then
Wednesday I had some audio/visual guys that I had heard recommended on WHO
radio come out.We've been having
increasing difficulty getting channels to come in so I thought maybe we should
have the antenna replaced.It was there
when we moved in and I'm sure it's past its prime.The guys came out and right away, I just
didn't care for their attitudes.By the
way, this is Traviss Audio I'm talking about, for my local friends.Don't call them.So, they tried to climb up to my antenna and
couldn't make it.The roof does have a
steep pitch.But I'm sure I am not the
only customer in the Des Moines metro to
have a steep roof!These guys were just
wearing tennis shoes.You'd think they'd
come with spike shoes or ropes or something.Instead, they leaned a ladder against the house and took turns trying to
run up my roof, only to slide back down.I was not impressed and more than a little scared one was going to fall
off (and sue me).

The one guy
finally huffed that in all his years of doing this kind of work my house was
only the second that he couldn't climb.He then added that if I had newer shingles he probably could have done
it.Eventually, Will tells me I'll have
to have the roof done, but he has assured me I am a number of years away from
that yet.You don't win points by
insulting a customer's house!

I did have
them take a look at the wiring in the wall for the tv (Will left an access hole
so we can jiggle the wires if the tv isn't working.Lately that's been ineffective, though).They told me this one thingy was broken so
they fixed that and you know, maybe that was the main problem all along.Since they left, I've had perfect reception,
other than channel 5, which seems to be on a permanent hiatus now.They said the part they fixed was an $8
piece.And they proceeded to give me a
$73 bill.Yes, not really happy here...like I said, I would not recommend Traviss Audio!

I've got
mixed feelings about all this.I hate
paying the money to have others fix things that Paul would have taken care
of.On the other hand, it's kind of nice
to just get things done (antenna not withstanding) and not have to wait for him
to get to it.My problem is knowing who
to call.We just never called
service people unless something was still under warranty, so I feel like I'm
still in the dark quite a bit when it comes to this area of forced
independence.

**********************************

I had a dream
with Paul in it again.But this was a
different kind of dream.In most, if not
all, my dreams if he's been in them, I've been conscious in my dream that he's
dead.This dream the other night he
wasn't.He had a new job and we were
moving into a nice house provided by his new employer.So moving day came and we got all settled
in.Nightime arrived and we went up to
our new bedroom and discovered that the previous tenants had not moved anything
out of the room.We commented to
eachother that that was so weird - why would they move the rest of the house,
but not their bedroom?There was a door
in the bedroom that lead to the basement.So I opened that door and discovered the bodies of the previous tenants
- husband, wife, and kids - tied up in
plastic, laying on the basement steps!The dream, incredibly long and detailed, just went downhill from
there...I think I'm still shuddering!

***********************************

I wrote on
Facebook yesterday about how I had to go through Paul's wallet again.I had not touched that thing since I bagged
it up, along with his keys and other pocket stuff over a year ago.The pension people needed a copy of his
driver's license, so I had to do it.It
was hard.Those small things are so
essentially "him," even more so than his other belongings I still
have.Hearing the jingle of his keys
again, flipping open his wallet where everything remains (except the money!)
just as it was the night he died is painful still.I don't want to be rid of these things, but
it hurts to handle them at the same time.I suppose it's the same reason why I never finished sorting all my cards
from him.Although, speaking of cards...

I'm still
tackling my scrapbook pages this summer and earlier this week I was working on
pictures taken on my birthday a year ago.In the last couple of years I'd gotten in the habit of scrapbooking
birthday cards too, so I had to do the one that Paul gave me...the last
birthday card he ever gave me...he wrote, "I'm so thankful that I get to
celebrate your 42nd birthday with you and can't wait to celebrate 42
more!" or something to that effect.It's kind of hard to remember exact words when your eyes are filling up
with tears.But he won't, of
course.I have already celebrated (too
strong of a word - "observed" was more like it) one without him and
every single other birthday I have will be without him.

Right now, I
hate this.Maybe someday I'll be
thankful that life worked out the way it did, but I'm not there yet.

***********************************

We are
finally at the mid-point of David's Learning
RX.Today I met with one of the
facilitators.He showed me some testing
results and wanted to know what I'm thinking, if I'm happy with David's
progress, etc.I honestly don't know yet
how/if he's improved academically because we haven't done a whole lot of school
since starting this.But I'll be
starting up again in a month or so and I'll be curious to see how his reading
and comprehension are. He is scoring quite high in his testing at the center in
those areas so I'm kind of anxious to see that in schoolwork. I have noticed an increased sense of
self-awareness and confidence in David the last few months.Even the center guy I was talking with today
commented on that.He said David isn't
so "nervous" anymore and just seems to have a higher
self-esteem.I would definitely
agree.It wasn't until the last few days
that I thought about these things and began to wonder if maybe these are some
of the promised results of our work.For
what I'm paying for this, I better have a whole new kid by the time we're
done...But in all fairness, I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to grouse
about the money (I don't anyway - I have never wanted David to think he was a
financial burden).David was heading to
a more limited future because of his learning disabilities.If this brain training has opened up the future
to him, then it was worth every penny I spent, every hour it took at home, and
every mile I drove.

Now that we
have wi-fi there is a possibility I may be able to switch his home training (my
job) to a web based program.That would
free up my time considerably.We'll see
if that works out or not.

******************************

Sam is healing up from his soup accident last week.He's taken over the care of his own leg.He ended up with two big holes.At first I had gauze over them but he scabbed
up quicker than I thought he would so when we removed the gauze, it ripped off
the scab.Is it really bad that my first
thought was for my new carpet he was standing over? He was really bleeding
profusely.As I ran to the bathroom for
a washcloth and bandages, I hollered, "Don't bleed on my carpet!Hold your leg up!"

My friend sent me a link a couple of days ago that took me to a blog post a
mom had written about her daughter's burns from ramen noodle soup.This child was severely burned all over her
back and chest when the soup tipped off the counter and fell onto the little
girl.It never occurred to me that the
soup was the culprit.I figured it was
the hot water that you add to the noodles and you can get burned by hot water
anywhere.But the ER staff told this
mother that they see ramen noodle burns all the time.Apparently, the noodles are coated with a
certain wax that holds in the heat and makes them sticky.So, they adhere especially heavily onto skin.I had no idea.

I'm not going to take that kind of risk anymore.There are plenty of lunch options that don't
involve sticky, boiling noodles.But,
Lizzie and Sam are particularly fond of these soups and while I thought Sam
might be ok with the idea of banishing them from our house, I figured it would
be a harder sell with Lizzie since she wasn't the one who got burned.So I had the two of them look at the pictures
on the blog post of thehorrifying burns
this little girl received.Lizzie was
quick to agree that yes, we should get rid of all our ramen noodles and never
buy them again.Sam didn't say much but
a little bit later I found him crying.He was sad because he still wants to have soup!You would think that, of all people, he'd be
fine with the ban!But he's ok now and
he was even the one who volunteered to go through the cupboard and throw out
what we had left.Kids!

***************************************

The two of them discovered a pretty neat feature on my GPS this week.The speed limit posts on the screen, along
with the current rate of speed. When the vehicle goes over the limit, the
current speed lights up in red.Those
two have been keeping an eagle eye on the screen all week long and whenever I
even get just a single mile over the limit they gasp and holler, "Mom,
you're speeding!"During one
ride, Lizzie even dramatically exclaimed, "You just want to kill us all,
don't you, Mom?!"

I think I was two miles over the
limit.

**************************************

This morning Lizzie wanted to go with me when I ran Ben into Genesis.Of course, she was checking my speed all the
way.We were listening to music and my
Tim Hawkins song, "Delilah, the Samson Version" came on.It's a parody of the other
"Delilah" pop song that came out maybe 5 years or so ago.That one is about a pretty woman.This one is about the Biblical Samson and
Delilah.It's hilarious.The song is Samson singing to his fickle
girlfriend, Delilah,

Hey there Delilah
This is your ex boyfriend Samson
And I know you thought that lifting weights
Made me so buff and handsome
You were wrong
It's cause I let my hair grow long
That makes me strong

Hey there Delilah
You came in while I was sleeping
And I couldn't feel you cutting
And I didn't hear you creeping
Out the door
You left my hair piled on the floor
While I just snored

Oh, what you did to me
Oh, while I was asleep
Oh, I'm a Nazarene
Oh, but you shave me clean
Delilah you're so mean

And it goes on from there.

Lizzie has a Bible story dvd that
was given to her sometime last year and for some reason, she and Sam are just
crazy about the Samson and Delilah story on that dvd.I'm not really sure what the appeal is, to be
honest.

So we listened to it and Lizzie said, "But, Mom, isn't Samson
dead?"I assured her that yes, he's
quite dead and has been for some time.She was quiet for a moment and then commented, "Well, maybe he
recorded this song before he died, then."

I am surely going to miss these days someday!David asked me morosely this week how soon I
thought it would be before the Littles grow up.I hope it's a long, long time!

1 comment:

Oh Dear Sarah, I could have told you to avoid Traviss. We went there once. Never again. They were extremely condescending and crooked. I also have a huge problem knowing who to call for projects. We have a window leaking in our house that someone insisted he plugged up where it may have been leaking. But, if that didn't work, we'd need to call a roofer. The roofer said, "Uh no. Not a roof problem." Then I couldn't figure out who to call. I called the first guy back, and he said, "Sorry, I can't help you. It absolutely is NOT leaking in through the window." Thankfully, a guy Dave used to work with had a recommendation. He came out and found exactly where it's leaking. Guess where. Yep, the window.Your kids crack me up.I told Dave about your bag of Paul's pocket things. I said, "If I did that, I'd have to get a gallon ziplock bag." He wears cargo pants, so there are 6 pockets, and they are usually full.