Learning to fight online

Hit me with the best (Read: Most hilarious) "self-defense" articles you can find on the net. I'll get things rolling with an old favorite of mine. This article, written somewhere in the realm of eight years ago, is what led to me finding Bullshido. After reading it, and finding myself unable to reply for some reason, I stormed off into the internet looking for a place to vent. After trolling a few traditional martial arts forums, I discovered this place and have been PMing pictures of my penis to inactive accounts ever since (You know, as a "Welcome Home" present if they ever decided to log on and post again. Most don't).

Anyway, enjoy:

Defense Against Street Fighing:

The best defense against street fighting is just plain knowledge. If you know how to
do swimmer blocks, and know how to throw a good seiken punch. Since street fighters
work off of pure adrenaline, it leaves them open with opprotunities to no extent! Lets
say, typically, street fighters will usually throw punches from the side which will leave
their solar plexus (where the ribs come together, remember this) groin, stomach, kidney,
neck (if the opprotunity is right, inside of their shoulders.. man the list can go on.
Here I will explain each defensive technique, and some offensive techniques I usually
perform when being confronted by hoodlems. By the way,the seiken is this: Have your
arm down by your side with your elbow curled in and your palm facing toward you. When
you extend your arm for the punch, twist so your hand is facing down right as you are
straightening out your elbow (your elbow whould straighten out right as you make the hit.)
Make sure you hit with your pointer and middle knuckle instead of your whole hand. This
is more effective and hurts more than a full fist hit.

Everything in karate is all about the mind. Every form of karate is all about the mind.
The KEY to knocking out hoodlems is concentration. I explained how they will be very
vulnerable because of their fighting style (swinging from side and into you.) I�ll start
off basic. The first thing to do is look for more vulnerabilities such as baggy pants,
hats, loose shirts, etc. Take advantage of these. A loose shirt equals a good
pull-over-head manuever. Baggy pants is good for stepping on and tripping. A hat impairs
their visuals. Now, becuase of the way they hit you, you can easily break one of their
wrists. When they swing at you, don�t get an adrenaline rush right away. Try to dodge a
few moves here and there, and block most of them. Do this until you are fully concentrated,
then next time they swing at you, duck so their fist is over your head (stay close to their
feet so they don�t kick you) and jump up and surprise them and nail them right where their
shoulder meets their arm. Feel around their for awhile, you�ll know the spot.

The all time
best defense is the swimmers block though. When they come charging at you, clasp both of
your hands together and throw their hands out of the way. You will see they are off balance
and you have one, two, or maybe three free shots at them. If you know what you are doing you
only need one. At this time nail them with an uppercut to the jaw, solar plexus, kidney,
stomach, and groin (I recommend kidney.) Never EVER hit their neck unless you know what you
are doing. If you feel a little old school and feel like getting in an old fashion brawl
though, which I enjoy doing :), one of my personal favorite attacks is a hammer blow to the
top-inside of their shouler. Feel around right next to your neck-back-shoulder area. You
will feel that spot that hurt when you touch it. With a hammer blow right there I garauntee
they won�t use that arm. Also a nice seiken hit (explained above) into the middle of the
bisep hurts REALLY bad! I got an elbow shoved into my arm playing football and couldn�t use
that arm for 3 days. And lastly, my favorite is the Hidji. Using the elbow. With enough
practice you can take hits like you wouldn�t believe to your arm. Also if you shove your
elbow right into the side of the head of a hoodlem, it really hurts.

The best defensive combination against a street fight: Never ever give the first punch. It�s unsportsmanlike (unless you really have too..) When
they make the first punch they will not attack you right away because they don�t yet have
the adrenaline to do it. You on the other hand now have the power to take the guy out in a
matter of seconds, with this technique. Since the hoodlem will be standing their, most likely
in the boxing position (arms over face, not a good defense because if you ever have taken
Karate you learned that the face isn�t the best place to hit.. as long as you know what your
doing.) This leave everything open, like I�ve explained before. Take out their knees. Just
kick into the inside of their leg and this will shove them to the ground. The will at this
time try to get up, this is when you make the hammer move into their shoulder, then knee them
in the kidney. If you are scared of taking out their knee for lawsuit reasons, make a quick,
and I mean QUICK move and jab your elbow into his kidney area. I swear he will cry like a
little baby and will be very paralyzed.

This all takes time. I advice you to do some reflex tests on the internet (the games where
the background changes and you have to click the button..) because that really helps with
fighting.

The dude who wrote this (Who went by the handle cornflakesforeva) gave some information on his background in another thread:

Very good. But what I think is more legit than street fighting is learning the techniques of Karate and all of its offsprings. I am not a master at Karate, but I have self taught myself and have gone through 2 months of Karate training. The reason I say this is because Karate is the best defense against street fighting. Streetfighters think its all about the size and strength of the opponent. I have seen a tiny kid take out the school bully with Karate. So if you read through my soon-to-come Karate Eggs, it may help you more. But you did nail it, concentration is key to everything!

I'll post a link soon, the website that I originally found this on is down for maintenance right now. I've actually kept this article as a text document for all these years. You know... Cherished memories.

So very true. Every time I've been handed a thrashing by hoodlems its been because of that stupid booze. All my concentration has been focused on eating a kebab / not puking / walking.

They could obviously tell I wasn't concentrating, and that my famous gyakazuki would remain safely chambered.

Also, hoodlems believe you if you tell them your account is overdrawn and you can't take out any cash. And they punch like pussies. And I only fell over because I was drunk. And **** you, hoodlems who mugged me on st. marks rd in 2008.

I also have about an estimated 2000 black heads on my face. I live my Aunt and Uncle and they don't have the kind of money to buy treatment. Does anyone have any ways to get rid of black heads a fast and easy way just using stuff around my house. Please Help

I actually found his email address years ago and sent him a message thanking him for writing the article. If he hadn't, I might've never found Bullshido and experienced the intellectual and physical growth this site has abetted in me over these past eight years. Funny to think he's probably in his twenties right now. The human experience is a fascinating thing. Even if you've never met someone you can still make a profound contribution to his life, and through very little action. I wonder if he thinks about me, too.