Quiz: Howstuffworks

Should You Join the Army?

Zoe Samuel

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

For the last 100 years, the US military has been the greatest fighting force on the planet. It's the most formidable foe in history. It trains warriors who were once just rosy-cheeked boys and girls to turn them into ruthless killing machines ready to go out there and stomp America's enemies into the mulch, while hopefully also protecting civilians, providing aid after disasters, and securing the waterways and trade routes of the world simply by standing in front of them and implicitly saying through their pose alone, "If you want to take this, you have to go through us."

The army is the land branch of this military, and it's enormous. That means there are plenty of jobs available within it, from engineers to medics to logistics and support roles to the actual front line fighters. Indeed, they say it takes ten men in reserve to put one in the field, so even if that eleventh man (or woman) isn't you, there are plenty of ways that you can serve.

All you need is to be brave, able to take orders, physically fit, and very keen on a steady paycheck. It also helps quite a lot if you believe in the broader mission (even if you happen to think the particular task at any given moment is a bad call). Do you have what it takes? Let's find out!

How old were you the first time you were in an airplane?

20

7

I still haven't flown.

4

How do you feel about needles?

They give me the willies.

I'm fine with them.

I faint at the sight of them.

I'm totally unafraid of them.

What is your war cry?

Wooooo!

Weeeee!

Uhhhhh!

Hurah!

Do you look good in uniform?

Yes, but not camouflage.

Dress codes are more my thing.

Not at all.

I look resplendent.

Do you get seasick?

Never.

Rarely.

Yes, all the time.

Sometimes.

Do you freak out when things get violent?

I tend to stay in control.

Yes, I can't bear violence.

I only like violence in video games.

No, I double down.

How patriotic are you?

Pretty patriotic. I can't go more than a month without baseball.

I love my country.

Not too patriotic, I just need a job.

I would die for my country.

Do you mind getting dirty?

I don't like filth.

I love getting a good sweat on.

Gosh no, I'm obsessively neat.

I don't mind at all.

Do you get homesick?

Yes, but it takes a month or two.

No, never.

Yes, even if I just go to the corner.

It takes years for that.

How many languages do you speak?

2

7

1

3

Are you in good shape?

I'm an avid triathlete.

I like to run.

No, I'm a couch potato.

I'm really jacked.

Do you have any experience with martial arts?

I used to practice Judo when I was growing up.

None whatsoever.

I'm a master of Tekken.

I've done some BJJ in my time.

How dependent are you on technology?

More or less the average.

I can live without any.

I can't go two minutes without my iPhone.

I only need the basics.

What do you do for fun?

I surf.

I learn languages.

I play online role playing games.

I carve wooden animals.

How neat are you?

I keep my bedroom fairly tidy.

I'm as neat as the next person.

I'm very messy.

My spaces are immaculate.

How disciplined are you?

I'm pretty disciplined.

My mental discipline is good.

I'm not disciplined.

I make samurai look undisciplined.

What is the bravest thing you've done?

I saved a drowning puppy.

I pulled a friend out of traffic.

I killed a bunch of zombies in a video game.

I fought off a mugger.

Do you have any experience in the outdoors?

Just the beach, dude.

I did Outward Bound once.

I take out my trash every day.

I'm an avid outdoorsman.

What do you need, in order to navigate?

The stars.

A map.

My phone.

The patterns in wildlife.

How healthy is your diet?

Pretty healthy.

It's okay.

I live on pizza and soda.

I eat a diet that is only good for one thing: health.

How good are you at adopting the local customs of foreign countries?

Not very good.

No one is better at that than I am.

I find it impossible.

I'm okay with it.

Do you do your own laundry?

I send it out.

Most of the time.

My mom does my laundry.

I always do my own laundry.

Can you shine your shoes?

I can give them a basic shine.

If I have a job interview.

No.

I can shine them until I can use their reflection to shave.

Can you bear extreme temperatures?

No problem.

If I'm dressed for it.

No way!

I can, even if I'm dressed inappropriately.

Do you mostly want to hang out with your countrymen?

For the most part, yes.

No, I'd like to meet other people from around the world.

I only ever want to.

Yes, but I'm eager to meet people from foreign lands.

What would you like to spend most of your time doing?

Riding around in cool military vehicles.

Rebuilding communities.

Watching TV.

Working with local leaders.

Are you a good driver?

I'm okay.

I'm decent.

Only in GTA.

I can drive while blindfolded.

Are you comfortable in the desert?

No, I need some water around.

I could be.

I like pictures of the desert, but that's all.

I'd be totally at home in such arid conditions.

Do you mind extreme humidity?

It would not bother me.

As long as it's just for a limited time, I can hack it.

No way! I need my AC!

I'll deal with it.

How do you stave off boredom?

Sing.

Play chess.

Watch HBO.

Play cards.

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