Thursday, January 31, 2013

Maybe it is my age, maybe it is the season, or maybe it is how much stronger my relationship with God has become. Which ever the case the word compassion has been on my heart lately. Right now our church is doing a series on compassion {which usually ties in with money and tithing and I usually blank out during church} and my heart has been fully open to hearing the message and applying. I think so many of us go to church or Bible studies and we all come back learning so many different lessons, usually depending upon where you are in life at that moment. The past few months I have been shown so much compassion in such a way that it has moved me even more.

There are so many different ways of showing compassion; monetary, time, words, a simple smile. The world has turned into such a selfish "me-oriented" world and it is hard to get out of that mindset sometimes. It is hard to look and see how blessed we truly are when you are not content with what you have. Are you not content because you are comparing your worldly treasures with that of the world? Did you know that those treasures mean nothing in Heaven?

"The richest person in the world could die and go to Heaven only to live in poverty." {quote from Cam at church}.

God gives all of us so much. You just have to look and see your blessings. Below are a few ways that I am sure many of you reading this are blessed/rich. {examples taken from the recent service}

You have a "house" for your car - when some people do not even have a house.

You have so much stuff that instead of putting a car in the garage you have stuff

You may laugh or roll your eyes, but in other countries they do not have a need for a refrigerator because they work that day to eat that day. Then repeat.

If you have a combined income of $37,000 you are in the top 4% of earners in the world. Crazy, right? If you have a combined income of $45,000 you are in the top 1% of earners in the world.

I think this post was inspired from the church service, but also from all of the posts on Facebook complaining about taxes, money, "lazy people", etc. I know we work hard for our money and we want other people to work as well. I get that. It is sometimes defeating to see our paychecks dwindle from careless spending by the government or going to people like the lady on one of the viral videos stating that "someone needs to take care of {her} these children" {cue her pointing to the 12 children surrounding her}. We know there are people who abuse the system, but what about the children who are suffering? What about the family who has both parents laid-off and are working at jobs that can not put food on their table? Times are tough people and we have to help our fellow neighbor out.

Do I agree with the government doing things the way they are? Maybe not, but with how greedy our country has become do you think there would be as much help for those in need? Possibly. Maybe if we were not hand-cuffed by the government having money taken we would give on our own. That would take a lot of trust in mankind...and who can even speculate what that would result.

It is so tiring to see how entitled we have all become. How irresponsible we have been with our blessings. How greedy we can be.

There is so much more to this world that money. Yes, we need it to survive, but do you need that iPad, iTouch, iPhone, and all of the other little gadgets to survive? Probably not. Is it nice to have nice things? Maybe, but I cannot help but think about the poor family living in their car or the little child starving at school while your child complains about not getting the latest trend.

I guess the summary of this post is to be content and be compassionate. Chances are you are surrounded by so many nice things and you still want more. What good are "things" when you are only thinking about your life here on earth? You can't take them with you so why not show compassion to others? Why not take some of your riches and bless other people? Why not start today.

Monday, January 28, 2013

This weekend we had a fun time as a family at the circus! John, Heidi, and I, along with my sister's family headed to the circus for the afternoon and had such an amazing time. It was the same group that came last year and they definitely changed it up from their prior performance. We had lunch at Mellow Mushroom beforehand and then headed to the circus! The kids all enjoyed it so much. Heidi danced around and got really excited to see the dogs and the elephants - all the animals really.

Heidi started the morning with a little runny nose so she was not feeling 100%, but she still had so much fun.

Monday, January 21, 2013

This weekend we traveled to John's hometown for our nephew's birthday party. Our little {ok, not so little since he is pretty much going to pass me in height in a couple of years} Gavin turned 5 years old! We stayed with John's brother and his crew {like we did a few days before Christmas} and Heidi had such a fun time playing with her two cousins. Gavin just turned 5 and Grace is 9 months older than Heidi so they always have such an amazing time. When we told Heidi we were going she was pumped to play in the playroom and to sleep in Grace's room.

We arrived Friday night {ate dinner on the way and John would not let me go to Cracker Barrel} pretty late and went straight to bed. I was having an awful time with my foot. It started hurting that afternoon and by the time we were getting ready to leave I was a limping, waddling, pregnant woman. Heidi and I went to sleep and luckily my foot felt much better when I woke up Saturday morning. Good thing too because we were going to a bowling party that morning! It was Heidi's very first time to bowl and she was super excited - even if she had no clue what she was about to do.

All of the kids had such a great time and Heidi had fun going back and forth between the arcade games and the bowling lanes. John was the lead this day since my foot was still a little sore. The kids enjoyed a lovely purple and blue iced cookie cake. I did not partake in the cake - failing my glucose test and all....blech. After bowling we headed back to the house for lunch and the kids had nap time. Well, the kids and me :)

Once nap time was over we had to get ready for the family party! I think everyone was there and it was such a great time! John jumped on the trampoline with Heidi and some of the other kids and Heidi had a blast! She absolutely loves to jump. It is the first thing she does every morning {jumps on her trampoline} and the first thing she does when we get home everyday. We enjoyed BBQ sandwiches and cake! Yes, I did have cake - don't judge. Once everyone left we watched Brave - such a good movie!

We went to bed and then woke up and we all went to eat at my favorite {I cannot get enough of this place!!} Cracker Barrel for breakfast! Our journey home started about an hour after breakfast.

It was such a fun time and I am so grateful that John has a job now where we can enjoy such fun events as a family.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Maternity Clothes?: Yes, but I did wear a non-maternity top the other day :)

Sleep?: As long as I do not pop up thinking my water has just broken in the middle of the night I will be fine!

Best Moment This Month?: I loved my doctor visit of course, but the best moment{s} have been me actually picking up little items here and there for our little one. Huge step for me....

Movement?: Yep, all over the place. I do not get the rib jabs like other people get because I have carried low with each of my babies, but I do get the bladder stomps and gut jabs.

Body Changes/Labor Signs?: Each day I have about one solid breathing taking contraction.

Belly Button?: Normal.

What I Miss: Ok, this is gross. If you don't want to be grossed out stop reading. This is not something I miss, but more so I miss the days when I did not have to do this. I am so tired of peeing in a cup at each appointment. The bigger the belly gets the harder it is to see what you are having to do and the more you lean over the harder it is to balance and I can imagine just toppling over at some point.

What I Am Looking Forward To: I think we all know the answer to this one :)This was a hard, very hard appointment. Not because there was anything wrong, but it has everything to do with the timing of events in my life.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I really do not know what to say in this post. It has been 4 years. Four years ago we said hello and goodbye to Hudson. You know the story. You know my feelings. I can firmly say that this day in particular is the hardest day each year. It is the one year that the mention of his name will instantly bring me to tears. So, it is usually the one day that I do not talk out loud about him. I'm not sure how most people celebrate the birthday of a deceased family member because I never remember doing that in my lifetime. There are several others in the community of families that have lost children that have parties, balloon releases, visit cemeteries, or other special things. Me, I can't. It is not my style and I would rather just spend the day pushing it all from my mind.

This year was different. There was no way anything could get pushed out of my mind because I was completely surrounded by Hudson's memory.

I will start with January 14, 2009. If you recall from the story of Hudson's death you will remember that I knew something was wrong for a week. I remember praying so hard for a sign of life on the night of the 14th. I got a kick, I praised God and then tried to fall asleep. I spent the entire day of the 15th {2009} trying to do kick counts and reassure myself that everything was ok when I finally ran to the doctor and was then delivered the devastating news. Flash forward to 2013. I am two weeks off from my pregnancy with #3 {being at almost 28 weeks} and I am reliving it all over again. Not the death, but random little things. It is the same time frame, we celebrated my brother's 40th birthday while I was pregnant with Hudson, we celebrated my sister's 40th {sorry I outed you!} with #3, I went to a corn maze while pregnant with both, and a few other odd coincidences.

It is hard to know if it was mental or physical, but I thought there was decrease in movement. So on the 14th of this year I found myself saying the same prayer. A prayer for a sign of life. It is a little tougher to do kick counts and focus on my pregnancy these days because I am constantly running around or trying to occupy my mind so that I do not go crazy. This little one likes to move at night so I never know if I am just missing the movements because I am asleep while he is awake. All day on the 15th of this year I felt the same awful feelings in the pit of my stomach. I calmed myself by reminding myself that I had an appointment on the next day.

When the 16th {Hudson's birthday} came I was already a little wreck due to my own thoughts and feelings and then on top of that I had my monthly appointment. Mind you I also have the 2-vessel cord to think about and the fact that I was in that very office exactly four years ago. I also had to take my glucose test and I was not happy about it because I knew I would fail {which I did by the way}. I go and take the test and then wait for a second when they called me for my doctor check-up. Of course I am in one of the rooms I was in on that day, the room where John and I sat and decided what we were going to do. The nurse checked my stats and then I sat in the room by myself for a bit and then just started crying. I put myself together and then my doctor came in and we discussed everything and then I just started crying again. I could not hold back the tears. Don't worry, my doctor is used to this with me and we talked about it being Hudson's birthday and how she cried that entire day too four years ago.

We went over a few other things and then we agreed with weekly monitoring {I will be going to the specialist as well for monitoring} and then she calmed me down as usual, she is so wonderful with doing that. My doctor always has the right thing to say. After all of that I went to sit on the monitor for a little bit {the same monitor I sat when they were trying to find Hudson's heartbeat} and had blood drawn while I sat there. Everything was great with baby #3! I do get to go back next week though - which helps my anxiety so much.

At night John and I decided we would take a little date night. We are trying to go back to our monthly date nights that we started 2 years ago and only went on 1 date. There were no plans, but we decided to head downtown and walk around to find a place. We went into Tubby's for dinner - I needed some cheese grits. After dinner we went to Lulu's Chocolate Bar for dessert. I had the double chocolate peanut butter pie. It was delish! While we were there we were surprised to see a very special person - my OB. It was so nice to see her, even though I was eating this delicious pie. When we were leaving we said goodbye and then headed home.

It was a quiet day on a day that was so quiet four years ago. A day that should be filled with joy and laughter....

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Heidi had a birthday party to go to today! It was for her cousin Georgia who was turning 3. My sister had Critters to Go come with all of their little animals {minus the snakes} for all of the kids to pet an hold. Heidi did not want to hold the animals, but she wanted her daddy and I to hold them for her. I only held the little baby bunnies - I am still a little too squeamish to hold the lizards and such, or things that wiggle for that matter.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I have things I need and want to do. They are not really resolutions, just things I want to do and for some reason I am not finding the time to do them. This year I hope to make time for the things that I want to do. The things I want to do are important to me and mostly revolve around my faith, my family, my friends, and capturing memories. A few things are also habits I have been working on for a few years as well...

Start or Complete {and print} our digital scrapbooks: I have several digital scrapbooks in the work, but I cannot commit to printing them yet. For some reason I do not know how I want to have the layouts. I have Heidi's first year, but then I want to do yearly. Do I just do a "first year" for Heidi and then do family ones? Do I do one for Heidi each year {and the new baby when he arrives} and a family one? I just don't know. Family ones I know I would do Jan-Dec., but for the kids do I do birthday to birthday? I have been thinking way too much about this...

Send Cards: I used to send cards all of the time to everyone. I loved it! I love sending cards and remembering people on their birthdays, anniversaries, and other events in life. I stopped doing this around the time I lost Hudson. It was joy that I lost and I could not pick up the pieces to do anything joyful again. It was hard enough to function as a "joyful person" on the outside in public much less add sending cards as well. I don't just want to send cards, but I want to take the time to make them.

Blog Consistently: I love to blog. I love to write {even though I ramble and am not the best writer} and I love to document our family's life. Being a person who likes to remain quiet the internet is where I can really be me. In person I am usually shy {unless of course you know me really well and I feel comfortable enough to let my guard down} but on my blog or in social media I can do more of "me". I want to make sure to take the time for blogging at least once a week.

Use our Video Camera: I want to video more of what is going on, not just pictures.

Continue Growing in my Faith: I feel like the past few years I have really grown and matured in my faith. Bible studies, church, tithing, family life, everything...it is all just growing and maturing into a woman of God. It seems like my life is headed in the right direction. Not that it was ever not in the right direction, but looking back on the past I seemed to be more of at a standstill rather than moving forward and growing. I want to continue this path and continue to discipline myself even more to grow. Things like having an actual quiet time and reading my Bible daily, not waiting until the last minute to look over my Bible study homework, reading more books, giving more of myself to the community....I could go on....but, basically growing more in a direction for God :)

Read: I love reading. There is nothing better than curling up to a good book and just losing yourself in it. I used to read all the time. In fact I used to get in trouble when I was younger because I would stay up so late reading. I would wait until everyone was asleep, grab my book, and sit on the toilet and read. I asked for suggestions from my friends on Facebook and I have a great list to start! I figure with all of the doctors appointments I have coming up and waiting for Heidi at dance I should be able to get in a couple a month.

De-Clutter: This is something I have been working on for quite some time. It is getting better, much better {especially with the nesting} and I want to continue along this path. This includes becoming more organized and having a place for everything as well as putting everything in its place. I do not want to add a ton of baskets laying around to store things, but I want to get rid of things and make life a little more simple as well as organize. What is strange {and its not too strange because my sister and I discussed this and she is the exact same way} is that I am the most disorganized OCD control-freak. Seems like an oxi-moron, but that is the only way I can think to describe myself. I am a perfectionist. So, I save everything that I want to "do something with" until I can figure out the most perfect way to do whatever it is I want to do. Because of the saving I have piles of junk everywhere - shoved in drawers, hidden in closets or boxes....it is bad, but it is getting better!

RAKs: I want to include more random acts of kindness in my life. Not only for strangers, but for my friends and family too. I include gift giving in this as well. I love to buy gifts for people and even if it is a small gift card to some place it would make me feel good. I don't expect anything back, but I just really want to make more of an effort to do more for others.

Date Night: John and I tried to start this on February, but that was the first and last of our monthly date nights. Hopefully this year we can get back on that and on track. We had all these great plans to go to a place we had never been before and all sorts of fun things, but it never happened.

Healthier Me: Continue on the path to a healthier self. Eating, working out, etc - I want to life a healthy life style. I do not want to do this for myself, but also as an example to Heidi. John has already begun to work on his health and hopefully I am doing an okay job while pregnant, but once baby #3 is here I intend to lose the weight quickly!

Projects: Work on projects that are on my pintrest account. So many things, so many crafts...I have no idea where to even begin. Well, I do, but it depend on a few other future plans we have going on :)

I am sure there are more, but right now I cannot think of anymore. This post has been floating in my head for a few weeks, but of course when I have the chance to sit and write them out I might have missed one or two...

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

I know I have been slack on blogging lately - nesting, de-cluttering, and a few other activities have been occupying my time lately. Maybe one day soon I will be able to become more constant at blogging. As I write I am watching Tangled for the millionth time in only a couple of days. Posts are floating in my head - Christmas, New Year Goals, Baby #3 Updates, and a few other events that have happened the past few months that I should blog about. I have been meaning to write this post and give an update on what Heidi has been up to lately.

For the past 6 months we have not worn diapers, pull-ups, or anything except big girl panties. Heidi is completely on the potty and even wears her panties at night time. I did not know the night time thing was such a big deal until people gave me crazy looks when I told them.

Heidi loves to use strange voices. I have been trying to get them on video - hilarious! Apparently I used to do this as a child as well.

Money does not last long if it is out in the open. Heidi will see it and say, "OOHH, money for my piggy bank!"

I am learning that Heidi can dress herself and I am not to help her unless asked. When putting on clothes she says, "Tag in back".

Right now Heidi is playing in her room. Alone. Without me. This is huge and it has been happening a lot lately. I cannot believe the independence she is gaining.

No weaning yet. Yes, Heidi is 2 and a half and still nursing and we have no problem with that at all. It is mainly at night and sometimes in the morning. I think the morning is being dropped, but not the night time nursing.

We still have the "family bed". Not sure when Heidi will want to sleep in her own room. We ask her and she just does not want to sleep by herself. No worries here.

We call Heidi our little "jumping bean" because she is constantly jumping. Each night she would come home and throw the couch cushions on the floor and jump. Good thing she got a little trampoline for Christmas!

Nurturing and motherly would be two great words to describe Heidi. She loves all of her baby dolls and pushed them around in a grocery cart. They also sleep in the bed with us...

Heidi stuffs all of the dolls under the covers so that "Swipper not take them". Swipper the Fox from Dora. We no longer watch Dora. That does not break my heart at all....

Painting toe and finger nails is such a favorite. I think she does it each night and morning. She does it herself - its the cheap kind that shows up clear and basically just peels right off, but she loves it!

Everyday Heidi has to put her jewelry on - she says she is beautiful with it on. We make sure to tell her that she is always beautiful.

When we ask her what she wants to drink it is always "water and milk". Heidi must take after me because when I go places I usually order a water and something else.

Each night daddy reads Heidi and story and then we say prayers and then she gives sugar.

That's all for now! Motherhood duty calls and I could not be happier to answer it :)