Dilemma: How to help 4-year-old panhandler

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C.W. Nevius, columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle. Photographed in San Francisco on 8/3/06.
(Deanne Fitzmaurice/ The Chronicle)

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C.W. Nevius, columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle. Photographed in San Francisco on 8/3/06.
(Deanne Fitzmaurice/ The Chronicle)

Photo: Deanne Fitzmaurice, The Chronicle

Photo: Deanne Fitzmaurice, The Chronicle

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C.W. Nevius, columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle. Photographed in San Francisco on 8/3/06.
(Deanne Fitzmaurice/ The Chronicle)

nevius_0084_df.jpg
C.W. Nevius, columnist with the San Francisco Chronicle. Photographed in San Francisco on 8/3/06.
(Deanne Fitzmaurice/ The Chronicle)

Photo: Deanne Fitzmaurice, The Chronicle

Dilemma: How to help 4-year-old panhandler

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For the past three months, Mary Long has been on a mission to help a 4-year-old homeless boy. She met him at the Embarcadero BART Station, panhandling with his mother, and she hasn't been able to get the cute, towheaded kid out of her mind.

"He had a little Thomas the Train backpack," she recalled later. "So does my son, but his was so worn that the words were gone. And I noticed he would put his little jacket over his head in embarrassment."

Something clicked. Long felt a connection, a need to step in and make things better. It isn't as if she makes a habit of rescuing kids off the street. She's a mom from the suburbs with a husband and a 3 1/2-year-old son. But now she's on a crusade.

"I feel like he's doomed and everyone can see it," Long said. "He has no voice. I have to do something."

It's a noble thought.

But she's wrong.

Long wants to get that little boy, whose name is Gavin, off the street and into a supportive, loving relationship. She has formed such a strong attachment to Gavin that she'd even defend the drastic step of taking him away from his mother Toni.

But it isn't that simple. Long and Claudio Vega, another average citizen who met Long when they were both trying to help Gavin, want to solve this problem with a wave of a wand. They thought that city officials would step in, explain the process to Gavin's mother and whisk him away to a better place.

That's not how it works. City officials have tried helping, but they can't take kids away from parents unless they can show evidence of abuse and neglect. (Gavin may be on the street but he looks well-fed and healthy.) Dariush Kayhan, the mayor's homeless coordinator, says he's personally contacted Gavin's mother and at one point tried to walk her to an agency that could provide child care.

Simply put, homeless outreach workers can only offer assistance, not demand that people accept it.

"I think that Claudio and Mary got a window into the challenges that the homeless outreach teams encounter on a daily basis," Kayhan said. "Sitting on the street in San Francisco, panhandling, is no place for a 4-year-old. But unless (Gavin's mother) engages with us, we can't get her into services."

Long complained about a lack of action until Debby Jeter, deputy director of the Human Services Agency wrote an e-mail listing all the steps the agency has taken. BART police were alerted, Jeter said. A case worker was assigned, homeless outreach was looking for them, and Long was given three phone numbers to call if she happened to see Gavin and his mother on the street.

"I've found them twice," Long complained. "I call and I say, 'Someone needs to come out here right now.' Nothing."

In the meantime, Vega and Long brought treats to Gavin, and clothes. They began to talk to Toni about getting her son into some kind of day care program. It wouldn't work, Toni told them. There's no room in the programs.

Last week, as I worked on this column, I happened to encounter Toni and Gavin sitting on Market Street holding a sign that said, "Please help." Toni said Kayhan had tried to get Gavin in Head Start, but there was no room.

That's not true. The next day I spoke to Juanita Santana, executive director of San Francisco's Head Start Program. She said if they'd heard about a child like Gavin, they'd have enrolled him right away.

"Homeless families are our first priority," Santana said. "We would make a space for them."

Gradually, Vega and Long began to realize that the stories Gavin's mother told them weren't adding up. For example, she said they were at a family shelter, but actually they had only been turning up at a drop in shelter on odd nights.

It was as if Toni was telling them: This is our reality. This is how we choose to live.

And, more disturbingly, Long and Vega began to consider the possibility that Toni wanted the cute little boy to sit next to her on the street, that passers-by would be more inclined to donate if they saw him.

"I'm just speculating," said Kayhan, "but I have personally seen people hand her $10. I would just say it doesn't hurt to have a young kid sitting there next to you."

What upsets Long even more is being told she's overreacting.

"Everyone I have talked to tells me I've gotten too involved," she said. "But I can't leave him as someone else's problem."

But she's convinced she can make Gavin's mother see reality. She will not take "no" for an answer.

"The dream situation would be to grab her and shake her," Long said. "Say to her, 'You are about to lose him, if not to social services to life on the street. Maybe you just don't get it.' "

Or maybe this is her decision. If so, no one can help her, or her 4-year-old son, until she makes a different choice.