Ask First, Steal Second

Anything on this site is mine. Mine, mine, mine. Your eyes are on this site right now. They belong to me too. Mwa ha ha! MINE!
Be nice and ask permission before trying to use my posts or pictures. I won't bite. (I may nibble.)

The silence was odd, considering she had just been humming some Princess tune or another. I looked over from where I was blogging doing my cross-stitching and saw the sign. Oh, here we go.

She braced herself against the arm of the couch, eyes squeezed shut as she tried to contain nature's call. Honey, nature does not have call waiting.

"Sprite, do you have to go poopy?"

"No, I can't," she said through clenched teeth.

I put my laptop fabric down and walked over. "Come on, kid. Let's do this. You can do it."

"No, I can't," she replied, squealing as I hooked my hands under her arms and transported her to the potty.

She fought me the entire way, calling out that she would not be a part of this attack on her control, glaring at me while I shoved her shorts down, then underwear.

"Sit down on the potty, Sprite. You can do this."

She let out a muffled sob and complied.

I suggested more songs for entertainment while I tried to outwait her, hoping she wouldn't pull the typical "I'm done!" routine with nothing but a hint of what I would be cleaning out of her undergarments within minutes of her release.

She sat. I waited. Then she looked up at me. "I can't!" she wailed. (Where did she pick up the word "can't"? John and I have been hearing it constantly for the past week. If I ever lay my hands on whoever taught her that catchphrase, I'll show them what I CAN do.)

"Yes, you can. Your friends do it. Kayla does it, Jack-Jack does it, Mia does it. Can Sprite do it?"

"No," came her whimper as she looked up at me, hair falling into her eyes. Pitiful.

"Yes, you can!"

"No, I can't!"

"Yes, you can!"

"No!"

"I say you can do this. If Mommy says you can do this, then you can."

Her eyes averted for a pause then latched back onto mine. "I want Daddy."

September 29, 2009

And the Jew gets it wrong. AGAIN! My calendar says Yom Kippur started last night at sundown when it actually began Sunday at sundown. I took today off for reflection and fasting thinking I would be doing it the right way after last year's pitiful attempts. Nope, it seems that I just took Tuesday off because it's Tuesday. And it's the calendar's fault, I swear! I don't understand it. They got Christmas right! Is it because our holidays don't fall on the same day every year?

If you can't read it, on the 28th, yesterday, the fine print reads "Yom Kippur begins at sundown" so I naturally thought that meant sundown on the 28th. Stupid me.

Well, I'm atoning anyway. That's right, my day of atonement is still gonna happen! With food, of course. Why fast when you just don't have to?

So, in the nature of the yesterday's reason for the season, I give you the things I will be atoning for, among the more serious misdemeanors like lying, cheating, and attempted verbal manslaughter:

The fact that I am actually looking forward to Private MalPractice returning this Thursday. I know I've vowed to remove it from the Tivo line up and I did! But the writing is so awful and the plots are all over the place and it just makes for some delicious bashing.

Sorry, Chondra Wilson and your soap opera ways.

The cringing I experience when someone boasts about their business on Facebook. It's just way too transparent and screams "Congratulate me!". That's when I DO appreciate the "just arrived home" and "sitting down to dinner with my family" or even the "my kid just took a major dump on the potty for the first time!" status updates. (I may have been guilty of all three of the latter category..)

Sorry, you know who you are and where you work and apparently so does everybody else.

The way I wear my feelings on my face when I'm trying to keep my opinion or mirth to myself. I am very guilty of this.

Sorry, John. I promise to look away more when Sprite makes me laugh at the worst possible moments.

The way I sometimes slow down when someone is right on my tail in traffic. I may form an alliance with the vehicles in the other two rows when along comes a speeder. I know he knows we know what we're doing. I should stop this. And I should stop enjoying the looks of rage when he obviously wants to be outside our box.

Sorry, vein popping in the forehead and words so clearly formed on your lips that I don't need to hear them to know exactly what you're screaming guy.

Not being in touch with friends the way I should. I received an email from my dear friend Yvonne who told me that when she told Addison they would be going to see the ocean near where they live in Massachusetts, she immediately replied, "With Sprite?" I burst into tears right where I sat. Yvonne, we miss you too. And Sprite SHOULD see what the ocean in Massachusetts looks like. We'll get on that, I promise.

Sorry, Yvonne and everyone else I haven't been writing back to. I could blame it on email, but that only goes so far.

The repeated times I have picked on my college age cousin who is hopefully kicking some scholastic ass up in Jacksonville. She updates her facebook status ALL THE TIME with peeks into what she and her friends are doing and sometimes my snark gets the best of me. Case in point:

Me: "do they have spell check in that class? sorry, i keep messing with you! I'll atone for that, promise. :-)"

Jenna: "Lol well the spell check on my phone is broken!"

Me: "phones have spell check? remember the good ole days when you couldn't misspell 8 or 4?"

Sorry, Jenna. (But I have to admit, busting on your college antics is way too tempting and you were too young to be tormented by the other cousins, so maybe I'm just making you feel accepted?)

Something else I need to atone for? Stalking Keely over at The Un Mom. Go visit her while I atone for other things not interesting enough to talk about here.

Next year? I want a calendar that's approved by someone with a last name ending in blum, rose, stein, or witz. Heck, a Gerber will work too. I will need to double-qualify any Cohen's. I've been fooled before..

September 28, 2009

I can't remember if it was Rosh Hashana or Passover. I was eight. My sister was ten. My cousin Mike was evil.

We were sitting in the back bedroom at my grandparents' home, waiting for the holiday meal to begin. Us kids had been banished from the main area after an uncle had caught us pilfering from the pickle plate. (I always thought the pickles/olives/pickled tomato plate was something only my family did, but after talking with my friend Trevor, I have found out that a LOT of Jewish families put these appetizers(?) out before a holiday meal. Is it a tradition going way back to the days of Moses or something we all picked up from a deli?)

Lee and I had brought over our Cabbage Patch dolls. They were a hot item and we were in love with them. Lee's girl had beautiful yellow yarn hair and my boy (Adam David) (of course, I remember!) was completely bald. We proudly showed them off to Mike and his older brother Erik. Erik, realizing dinner was still a while off, begged his mom and dad to let him take his skateboard around the neighborhood and promptly disappeared, leaving behind the smells of our holiday feast and his poor younger brother to fend off the idealistic (yet innocent) advances of their female cousins.

As we pranced our dolls in front of his face, we couldn't tell he was quickly growing bored of our topic choice and the fact that we weren't interested in discussing all things Star Wars so he decided to make do with what he had.

"Here, let me see your doll, Jenny," he offered, taking my precious Adam (still in his original diaper) and making him "walk" on the side table. Lee and I giggled, ecstatic that he was engaging with us in this way, especially when we hadn't shared an item of interest ever since he had outgrown the Smurfs. He manipulated the doll this way and that, making it dance. Then, he started pushing the doll into breakdancing moves, earning high praise from my sister and me.

Then he took it too far.

He stood my Cabbage Patch doll on its perfect bald head and spun it until it fell over from gravity. My mouth dropped open in horror. What was he doing?! That wasn't cool! Amid our shocked expressions, he picked up the fallen Kid and tried to spin it again.

"Baba!" I screamed.

Mike grabbed the doll and thrust it toward me. I took my poor Adam David and inspected it, looking for signs of damage as my grandmother, a little annoyed at being pulled from the kitchen, stomped in. "Mike spun my Cabbage Patch doll on its head! Tell him not to do that! Make him say he's sorry!"

My grandmother, wiping her hands on a dishtowel, looked over to Mike. who suddenly looked innocent. "Michael?"

"I didn't do anything," he answered.

"Yes he did!" I shouted. I could see his eyes smiling. "He did it!" I wanted my revenge!

My grandmother watched the situation for about two more seconds before she decided this was not worth her attention. "We're about to eat," she said as she turned back down the hall, "clean up and get to the table."

I never got my apology, I never got my revenge. I never got to prove that Mike did that dastardly deed because he forever denied he had done it. I carried this resentment within me for years.

Until now.

His wife Heidi, God how I love her, sent me a picture that finally brought about the proof I was looking for, some 25 years later, but finally!

September 25, 2009

Did you know that the meme has its own Wikipedia page? It's true! I didn't hyperlink it just to see it go bold!

Did you also know that the pronunciation of meme rhymes with cream? I've been mispronouncing it the entire time! (And also adding "that damn" to the preface, but you didn't need to know that.)

It turns out that the word meme is actually shortened from mimeme, which is derived from Greek mimema and translates to "something imitated". (Yes, there will be a quiz on this later.)

Finally, the term makes sense. And it's actually a contagion! Think about it this way: someone tags you along with seven other people to complete the meme, and then you tag eight others, and then before you know it, it's viral, and the blogosphere is all stricken with the Internet version of Mono. Bloggers start avoiding your comments section since they don't want to get "tagged", and you now have more stalkerish activity rather than linky love.

A forum (damn straight I researched it!) is more of a meeting place for the topic at hand, like a thread or message board. I, the moderator, put out a topic and those who participate link your posts or "variations on the theme" within the round up. You're not copying anything. You're not taking a cookie cutter meme (cut and paste) and inserting answers to pre-fabricated questions. I'm just supplying the outlet, it's up to you to plug in and turn on your bright idea. You put more than a few moments' thought into it, which is why I visit every blog that links up. Sure, I could make it simple and put in Mr. Linky (but apparently Mr. Stinky Linky is not that simple and doesn't like Typepad, or at least this Typepad user, and if you really want to get into it, I caught Mr. Linky cheating on Mrs. Linky with a html hoochie, so he's not welcome here anyway.), but I would rather stay hands on, not only thanking you for playing with us, but because you all are so gosh darn entertaining!

This is why I have developed a somewhat elitist attitude when it comes to memes (They're evil! EVIL! And it's now proven!) and take umbrage when someone calls The Spin Cycle a meme. (I know. I need to unclench.) But it's all in good fun. Meme or forum, Youtube cop out or list of your favorite iPod songs, you're still reaching out to that online community of others, engaging with friends and followers, and giving us a piece of you that would otherwise not be available.

So meme away! I may even play if I like the bones of it. But now you know the difference between a meme and a forum. And now I know I'm right. And somehow I brought it right back to me(me).

Stop by and learn some interesting things about those bloggers you love!

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Next week's Assignment: Tradition

We're in the thick of the Jewish New Year which will culminate with Yom Kippur starting on Monday evening. Because of the holidays, I have been participating in a lot of religious traditions that are almost as inbred as my ability to breathe.

So what about you? What are your traditions? Is there something your family does on a weekly basis? Monthly? Yearly sing along at the local Karaoke bar?

Or maybe there's a tradition that you're hoping to begin. Why is it a tradition? What makes you look forward to it?

Spin it up and bring it in for our weekly tradition, The Spin Cycle!

Remember to have it linked by October 2nd! (Seriously? October already? Is someone skimming sand from the year's hourglass?)

September 24, 2009

No one should ever cut their hair on a whim. Ever. In fact, anyone walking into a salon and asking for a haircut should be sent away for a two week period before they can follow through with their request. (Spontaneous haircuts could be the reason behind some freak car accidents. Possibly a few World Wars..)

Maybe I was hormonal over turning 33. Maybe I was tired of the summer's heat and humidity. Maybe I was trying to shave a few ounces off the scale. I honestly don't know what truly made me chop off a good foot of hair.

I watched Jenna Elfman's new comedy Accidentally on Purpose on Monday night. Throughout the show, I kept noticing her hair, how flippy it was, how bouncy, and pretty, and wavy, and tousled, and EASY to manage. I can do that! I can control that! I want that hair! (I'll leave the blonde though. My skin tone CANNOT carry it off.)

I failed to remember that a hair stylist was most likely standing by between takes to make it all look so good. Stupid Hollywood.

Tuesday morning, my birthday,I woke up with only one thing on my mind. Cut the hair.

"I'm thinking of cutting my hair," I mentioned to John while still climbing out of unconciousness.

"As long as you don't go boy short, have fun."

Every time I get the idea, he throws that one rule into the shuffle. Not too short. Fine.

I walked into the empty salon and sat down before the stylist who examined my hair.

"What are you looking for?" she asked, pulling strands down on either side of my face.

"Did you watch Jenna Elfman's new show last night?"

Her face remained blank. "Who's Jenna Elfman?"

That should have been my warning. Abort mission! Abort!

Instead, I tried to explain the hairstyle to her, using words like Flippy! and Bouncy! and Young! and Carefree!. Jazz hands may have been involved..

She stood back, a look of understanding overtaking her features. "I know exactly what you mean!"

I smiled, now confident in her abilities to make me look like the picture in my head. (Next time, bring ACTUAL pictures.)

"Oh, yeah. I can see it," she nodded. I fed off of her enthusiasm, my own excitement growing. This would be great! This whim of an idea would take shape!

"You have just the hair for it. This is the best way to embrace your curls." Her hands ran through my hair, pushing it this way and that, yet not tangling it, a rare talent shared only among hair stylists. (Seriously, I think it's a prerequisite for graduating beauty school.)

September 23, 2009

So, remember that RTT when I mentioned people's faces right before they take a bite of food? John and I have boldly decided to offer ourselves up (and a few unsuspecting victims) for photographic evidence of some of the humorous expressions that cross peoples' mugs right before they chow down.

Yes, I look toward the sky sometimes when I'm eating.

It's hard to imagine that much tension would be required to bite into a sandwich..The same could be said for ice cream. Or is she gearing up for the inevitable brain freeze?

Are you done?

Not quite. Casey?

Now I'm done. ( I totally warned her that I would do this.) (Um, Casey, it IS okay, right?)

September 22, 2009

Hm, posted a Spin Cycle round up yesterday with nothing more, and not doing RTT today? It must be random!

Actually, I did write something for today, but not for this site. You can find me over at The Locals Love It!

Go ahead and click on over to get some tips on saving money in the one place where you wouldn't expect to. Disney World!

Another place you can try? Sand Castle Full of Monkeys! Krystal is looking for businesses local to South Florida or even national businesses who are willing to make a $250 TAX DEDUCTIBLE donation to her school's Halloween event. The event is taking place in my old home town, so if I can't afford to donate, I can at least afford to sell the hell out of it. If you know of any businesses or own one willing to make a donation (which you get back in taxes AND love from the children) (and isn't it always about the children?), you will get advertising on 6,000 trick or treat bags! Think about it! Your company's logo going home with Mom and Dad and the kiddie whose sole reason for life will be in that bag for the next week until the candy is depleted? Advertising in the mail doesn't cost so little to reach so many! (I actually have no idea how much it costs to advertise in mail and circulars. Please don't yell at me.) You have until October 15th to make a donation! And think of the children!

Go ahead, folks! Nothing to see here! Nothing to comment here about anything... Just, you know, click the link. And stuff..

Shangrila over at My Bella Figlia sent me a few ideas back in April. I'm telling you this now because I am so flipping embarrassed it took me so long to do one, but my absolute favorite on the list was Meme's. Mind you, I've been very forthcoming with my opinion on them and it's not favorable. But this is different. Here, you have the chance to make your own Meme! Or use a favorite that you've seen floating around the blogosphere. The choice is yours.

Maybe those 8 passions, books, movies, freaky fun facts you just have to get off your chest.

Um, yeah. Those links are just examples and further proof that I've run the Meme Mile more than a few times..

So, get to it! Spin out your favorite Meme! Or make up your own! Bonus points if you trick out a badge and send it viral! You'll be the newest Bloggable sensation!

Just link it up by September 25th!

And a quick L'shana Tovah to all my Jewish friends in Bloggy Land! Wishing you a warm New Year with lots of apples and honey! (To all my non-Jewish friends, have a wonderful weekend and know that you're included in my thoughts and prayers when I raise my glass for Rosh Hashanah.)

(Update! Update! Random Tuesday Thoughts and Spin Cycle and other forums like Dear So and So... are actully not meme's, but can count for this topic. So yes! Link it up!) (I have a feeling that I will be doing a lot of updating on Tuesday, huh?)