"We appreciate what Kris has done this spring, but he had 40 at bats and only hit nine home runs," said team President Theo Epstein. "That's just not acceptable if he wants to play in the big leagues."

In a new partnership that will give hockey fans an unprecedented look into the lives of their favorite players, EPIX and the NHL have teamed up with the Chicago Blackhawks as part of this year’s "Road to the Bootycall Classic."

When asked for his secret, Derusso credited his no-nonsense, oldschool approach to bracketology that he attributed to the St. Louis style of baseball he so strongly supports, as well as general inexperience and pure luck.

"We're talking about people who were on blogs and Facebook pages after every single game, complaining about [Blackhawks goalie] Corey Crawford," said Jerry O'Brennan, a CPD spokesman. "But then, suddenly, they all up and vanished a couple weeks ago. Whether it coincides with Crawford's stellar play is not the issue. The concern is that we've lost up to 1,000 citizens, no matter how annoying or wrong-headed they are."

Once vilified and shunned by the city of Chicago for his role in the 2003 NLCS, reported sightings of ousted Cubs fan Steve Bartman have become more frequent than a 2011 Carlos Marmol blown save. Bartman — who became infamous after plucking away a foul ball from Moises Alou’s urine stained hands in game 6 […]

“I feel good about this season,” the 275-pound Fielder said. “This is the first spring training I’ve shown up to where I don’t feel like I can get any bigger, so that can only mean good things for me.”

“You know, I just did what any other good-headed, I mean hearted, citizen would do in that situation,” said the 45-year-old Buck, with the plane’s tire marks still just barely visible on his alien-like cranium.

“His impact was felt immediately,” star rookie Andrew Wiggins said of the influence Garnett has had on the young team members’ ability to trash-talk and insult other players. “He’s been mother-f**king players at the highest level for two decades, so he knows what he’s talking about."