Yesterday I just found out that one of my good
friends from NJ is pregnant. (I live in Florida
now) I only found out because friends from NJ
came to visit us and mentioned it. I feel funny
because - Why wouldn't she mention it? I know
she is probably trying to protect me... but now
I feel funny. This is the second time this
happens with friends. The last time, my other
friend ended up being pregnant and having a loss.
I found out by other sources. Again, I felt weird.
We ended up talking about it and I told her that I knew
this must have been ackward for her...
What do you guys think? How should I handle stuff
like this?

This has happened to me once since Zach died. It was very weird when I heard from a firend of a friend that someone who is in our (DH and I) relatively close circle of friends, was expecting. I didn't know what to say, I was happy for them but shocked that I didn't know. It was just an ackward situation, the person who told me got the "deer in headlights" look and couldn't get away fast enough...

I immediately called my friend and told her congratulations, that Andy and I were so happy for them. She told me that she was actually just getting ready to tell me... I talked to her husband a while later to congratulate him and he said, "Yeah, it's no big deal, just another kid, hope it'a a boy this time." (They have 2 girls already) Nope, not kidding, an actual quote from him...

People just don't know what to say... and, they often can't keep their mouths shut!

Anyway, I've just dealt with things like this by talking to the person and offering my congrats (or whatever the case may be) and then they seem to realize that it's "ok" to give me news like that.

Gloria....
I haven't had that to much. I have gotten a few times (ladies at church with DH on deployment) would you be in L&D with me. Humm, let me think NO. Or for me is best is when I mother is complaining how horrible it is to be a mother, she gets no rest, baby cries all the time, and I usually say and your point is? At least you have your baby here on earth to hold and love. The look is priceless but still WAKE UP LADIES... You have your babies in your arms each and every night! (Ok I'm off my soap box now- WOW now that felt good so early in the morning!!)

I've had it happen a couple of times too. Someone else told me my boss' wife was pg - and then let him know they had told me - and then he came and talked to me. Then I would talk to his wife about something and she would say "he didn't tell you?" and told me he doesn't know what to say to me so he much just not be saying anything.

But then I have another coworker who is high risk for other reasons - and I was the first person in the co she told - she needed some support because she was bleeding. She is now 25 weeks and has already had to have a kidney stone removed, then got an infection in her kidneys that could only be treated by iv. Now she has another. And she also has placenta prevera (don't know if I'm saying that right) - and is really fighting to stay positive. I'm very glad she feels comfortable talking to me about these things - even though sometimes I tear up on her.

T - I know what you mean! Last week I went to a new hairstylist and she was talking about her kids and said "sometimes I wish I just didn't have kids" and THEN asked me if I had any. I can't say no - I always tell people I have a little boy in heaven. That does quite them down pretty quick.

It's funny but at the end of the day all of these people do these things because they love us and they don't know what the heck to do. If they did the opposite it would probably be hard for us to. So difficult when trying to be gentle on ourselves and gentle on others. . .

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]