When I entered a nail salon last weekend on a mission to check manicure/pedicure off my pre-baby bucket list, a staff member took one look at me and said, “Are you done?”

Clearly she wasn’t referring to my nails, since I had just gotten there. Rather, she had taken one knowing glance at my prominent waddle and even more prominent 39-weeks-pregnant belly and determined I was rounding the corner for the final lap: “I know,” she said, “I’ve been there twice.”

It’s at this phase of pregnancy – the last three weeks for most, or perhaps longer for some – that many people, both strangers and loved ones, feel the need to comment on the fact that you are, indeed, very pregnant. That or they’ll ask uncomfortable questions, dish out unwelcome advice, or tell you something you just don’t want to hear (after all, you are quite hormotional these days).

While most people are friendly and have good intentions – especially those “been there, done that” fellow moms like my sympathetic esthetician – others are slightly more inappropriate, insensitive, or flat-out rude.

Here are some of the last things a very pregnant woman wants to hear, who she often hears them from – and how she really wants to respond:

1. “Have you had the baby yet?”

Culprits: Your anxious BFF, your aunt.Sample response: “Why yes, I have! Right here on my couch before I texted you! I was just planning to make some small talk, get that muffin recipe off you, and then share the big news.”

2. “Is there more than one in there?”

Culprits: Drunk friend at a party, random stranger.Sample response: “Definitely! In fact, there are six, and I plan to be the next Kate Gosselin.”

3. “Were you that big with your first one?”

Culprits: Random stranger, old friend you haven’t seen in a while (for a reason).Sample response: “No, I was far, far bigger.”

4. “I’m so tired and sore.”

Culprit: Your husband.Sample response: “You poor thing. Here, let me get you a blanket, a pillow and a 20-pound bowling ball to strap to your waist.”

5. “You probably shouldn’t eat that while you’re pregnant.”

6. “Can you please pick that up?”

Culprit: Self-checkout attendant at the grocery store.Sample response: “I’m sorry my two-year-old son dropped a couple of Goldfish on your floor, but if I have to bend over and get them, you will have to pick me up as well.”

7. “The bathroom is out of order.”

Culprits: Gas station attendants, mall employees.Sample response: “That’s a hilarious joke! Now make it work.”