Holder rushed to hospital after choking on own words

Attorney General Eric Holder was rushed to a Washington-area hospital yesterday after collapsing moments after his announcement that a Department of Justice investigation had exonerated former police officer Darren Wilson of any wrongdoing in the August 2014 shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri.

Surgeons at the MedStar Washington Hospital Center later operated to remove dozens of the attorney general’s own words which had become lodged in the back of his throat and upper respiratory tract, causing him to experience difficulty breathing.

At a press conference held by hospital authorities last night, Dr. Cyrus Tally told reporters that Holder appeared to have literally choked on his own words. “It seems the attorney general was unable to swallow the idea that Officer Wilson was not in fact a murdering racist,” said Tally.

A number of reporters who covered Holder’s statement at the Justice Department yesterday noted that at several points the attorney general seemed to be in discomfort, and experienced difficulty delivering his words.

“When Mr. Holder said ‘Michael Brown’s death, though a tragedy, did not involve prosecutable conduct on the part of Officer Wilson,’ he was flushed, sweating and sounded kind of croaky,” said an unnamed AP reporter. “He sounded like he needed a glass of water.”

Another journalist said that when Holder acknowledged that the results of the investigation into Officer Wilson did not match up with expectations “he looked like he was about to throw up.”

Holder was being kept in for observation Wednesday night due to concerns that in addition to the breathing difficulties, the vast disconnect between his preconceptions about the case and the facts uncovered by the DOJ investigation could have caused massive brain trauma.