My Dad was arrested…. (LONG)

I have never gone anonymous for anything. Even some really embarrassing relationship things. Im pretty open here on the Bee… But for this I went anonymous.

My dad was arrested yesterday on suspicion of Sexual misconduct. He’s being accused by the niece of his wife that they took in and raised as their own from the time she was about 13 til now. She’s 18. They took her in because she accused her father of doing the same thing to her when she was younger so the state removed her from the home and her aunt (my stepmom) took over. They have paid for her education and she has become a part of our family. There was NEVER any kind of sign that there were problems. At worst, my dad was strict with her (as he was with us other kids as well) but beyond that she had a comfortable life.

I don’t know what I believe at this point. I have to at least consider the possibility that the allegations are true. Im not naive enough to think I know with 100% certainty what happend becuse I was not present every second of every day. So right now I’m trying to gather information and find out how all of this came about. Ill all the niece E.

E was to start college in a few weeks and had just gotten a car. At the end of her senior year this past spring she met a guy at school and they started to date. We were all kind of confused because a few months before that she claimed she was a lesbian and made a huge show of cutting her hair off and coming out. I’m not judging at all and I couldn’t care less what her sexual orientation was and we all as a family accepted her regardless. It changed nothing. She had a meltdown because she said that we didn’t care that she was a lesbian because we didn’t make a big deal out of it. it was all very strange. It was almost as if she wanted us to have a bad reaction rather than to just not flinch and still act like she was just a loved member of our family. She has babysat my son and has been present at every family party. She would go fishing with my dad and it seemed that they had a good relationship. Once this boyfriend came into the picture things got really weird. She said she wasn’t going to college because he was going to take care of her so she didn’t feel the need to go anymore. This kid is a kid who was kicked out of his own house because he accused his cousin of stabbing him. It came out that he stabbed himself and was just trying to get his cousin in trouble. All of these details are important I promise….

A few weeks ago, out of nowhere, my dad gets a knock on his door and it’s E’s boyfriend. He punched my dad in the face and started saying that E said that my dad had hit her a couple days before. My stepmom had been home nonstop for the past few days and would have been around during the time E claimed it happened. I grew up with my dad (obviously) and he’s not someone who hits his kids. It takes A LOT for him to even get upset to the point of yelling, let alone to hit someone with seemingly no reason. So the boyfriend of E wouldn’t stop banging on the door and harrassing them so my dad finally snapped when E’s boyfriend broke a window and he pushed him off their porch and demanded he leave. When he didn’t leave my stepmom called the police and when they got there my dad had just hit E’s boyfriend but only after the boyfriend had repeatedly come at him trying to assault him. E’s boyfriends dad even confirmed this for the police and had tried to stop his son from hitting my dad. The police arrested both the boyfriend and my dad but they were let go later that evening and no charges were pressed.

A couple of days after that E says she’s moving out and that was that. A day after that is when she started accusing my dad of sexually abusing her. My stepmom and my dad were blown away. My dad has denied everything and is destroyed by all of this. My stepmom asked E to please tell her the truth and if this did happen that she would support her and would not let it go because it’s a serious situation. E then stated that no it wasn’t true and that she lied because her boyfriend was going to break up with her and she needed to say something so he wouldn’t. She claimed at that time that she just wanted him to feel bad for her so he wouldn’t break up with her. The boyfriend took her to the police and she claims out of fear, she kept the story up because she didn’t want him to leave her. Since then she has kept up the story and has gone through with giving supposed evidence (which the cops said didn’t help them much) and has gone to give multiple statements.

The cops came to my dad’s house the other day and he wasn’t there so they left a card. My dad called and asked if he should come in and they said no they could just ask him questions over the phone. My dad said no he wanted to come in person to clear eveyrthing up and he wanted them to know he had nothing to hide. He willingly went to the police station yesterday to be interviewed and my mom, and stepmom went with him. As soon as they pulled up three officers came out and escorted him away. They confirmed there are no formal charges yet but he’s being detained so they can further investigate. They ended up keeping him there and interviewing my step mom and my mom and me. After it came out that E had originally said she lied (both my dad and stepmom said this) and also that the boyfriend had a scuffle with my dad, and that he had been kicked out for lying to the police about his cousin the police told my stepmom that after all of this it would be necessary to interview E again. the police told my stepmom that E had said that my stepmom once walked in on it and did nothing about it. She also said she told my stepmom and my stepmom told her to shut up and stop lying. If you knew my stepmom you would know that something like that is not even close to being her personality. She’s very happy go lucky and always super sweet. Never have I even heard her say a snotty thing to anyone. Even when some have deserved it. And she has admitted even to E that if this was true she would do the right thing and support her niece. she hasn’t though because of E telling her that it was a lie repeatedly. the police said they will most likely let my dad go at some point today and I know by law they only have 72 hours to hold him without bringing formal charges.

Bees, I am so confused. My head is spinning. I cannot put the two together. This is a man who raised two daughters, that has babysat for many nieces and nephews without issue, my mom even trusts him to watch our youngest sister which is her daughter with my stepdad. He’s a great grandfather too. My dad is a lot of things, but I can’t wrap my mind around this being one of them. Im the level headed child of the group so a big portion of this has fallen on me to handle to the best of my ability. My stepmom is doing her best to keep it together but she’s struggling. My younger sister (she’s 21) is way more emotional than I am and she just can’t even function when this is brought up. My mom is a cop and is helping as much as she can.

Im sorry this is so long and I know I rambled a lot. I don’t really know what im asking here, im mostly venting and trying to make sense of the last few weeks. Im stressed out to the max and feel like I just really don’t know anything about anything.

This is a petty side note… My wedding is next month. E was supposed to be in my wedding and my dad was going to walk me down the aisle. I feel like now there is going to be a black cloud over the day with all of this going on. E is no longer a part of the wedding and has been telling conflicting stories to many family members (who will also be interviewed) so it’s not as if no one knows. Everyone knows now and I know it will be a topic of conversation on the day of if my dad isn’t there. The family has shown nothing but support for my dad. Both sides of myfamily, both my mom’s side and his side. My mom and him haven’t been together in years but they remained close and so have our families.

Im hoping I can just get through my work day and that they let him go some time today.

@Crushed: Oh my goodness what a mess. First, I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this. I really don’t have any advice to offer. E sounds like a compulsive liar and from your story, I flat out don’t believe her. I am a victim of abuse myself and frankly, you don’t behave like this if/when you finally have the courage to expose the abuse.

hugs, your niece sounds like a lunatic… she needs a evaluation done because ruining peoples life for the hell of it is NOT OKAY. seriously boy who cried wolf story i see happening if this cycle continues/ also did her real father actually abuse her or not?

I don’t really have much to say, other than the fact that I am so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully, they will release him today and instead of charging him, they will charge her with making a false police report.

@MrsTillerResq: My FI is a victim of sexual abuse and the first thing he told me is that her behavior was odd for someone who was revealing something like this. She seems unaffected and has been posting photos on facebook of her and her boyfriend drinking and of her and her new puppy like as if nothing is going on. I don’t think that she should just stop living over this but not one person has seen her look one bit upset. It all just makes no sense to me at all.

I am so sorry you are going through this. As an outsider, it seems pretty clear that E is lying. I am sure everything will get worked out and your dad will be fine. Just stinks that the relationship with E is forever changed for everyone including her, all because of a dumb guy.

@asianyoushi: he denies it to this day and her siblings all claim he has been nothing but a good father. Charges against him didn’t hold up. But the state removed her during the investigation and she just stayed with her aunt and my dad. I do think it’s weird though that this is the second time she has accused someone of the same thing. And both were father figures (one her real father, the other her step father kind of)

Oh one other thing I should mention is that her biological mother hates my stepmom and my dad and is just a crazy person. I could go on for days about the things that woman has done. She never had custody of E and it’s always been a suspicion that E’s mom told her to accuse her dad so she could get custody back. The state still would not give her custody based on her criminal record and living conditions and her suspected drug abuse. E hadn’t spoken to her mom in a couple years because my dad and stepmom didn’t allow it after the police had to be called numerous times on this woman. E agreed and willingly cut off contact. It’s funny that about 6 months ago E started talking to her mom again and has been every since and now this happens again. I don’t know, it all does seem fishy but Im afraid to assume one thing or another and I want to wait until I see how things play out from here

I really hope that when everything settles, E is cut off from any form of communication and financial assistance from your dad/stepmom. This is crazy. E has lost her mind and is looking to stir up drama and sympathy, and will obviously bring down anyone, even the people who took her in when she needed it, with her.

@Crushed: Oh I am so sorry to hear all this! It sounds to me like your niece is looking for attention in any way she can get it…. and I am not normally one to brush aside allegations like this, but I honestly don’t think your father has done anything, based on the story you tell above… I really hope everything works out and your Dad is cleared.

wow i can’t believe all of this happened. i’m so sorry that you and your family are having to deal with this. it sounds to me like E is a compulsive liar and craves attention. i feel pretty sure she is lying since she already told her mom it wasn’t true and only a plot to keep her boyfriend around. i think removing her from your wedding completely is a good idea and let your dad walk you down the aisle. especially if all this is made up by her lies, there’s no need to worry about what people will think/say. i hope everything gets figured out soon!

I highly doubt any charges will be pressed against him just by her word, especially considering E’s reputation of lying and craziness, and when so many others are defending your dad’s character.

Hang in there, OP. I have faith he WILL be there to walk you down the aisle. It’s apparent everyone in your family recognizes E’s mental issues so I highly doubt you will have any black cloud on your wedding day.

@Crushed: dnt judge ppl from their appearance tho, everyone is affected differently depending on their lives experience. If youve been thru a lot of pain in your life you develop a mechanism to sweep things under the rug no matter how big or small