Hello friends! It has come to the attention of the True Christian™ menfolk here that most of the unsaved trash that wander in here are woefully misinformed about demons, and it was decided that a public safety announcement was needed. You have no idea how honored I was when they asked me to help with the report (somebody had to make the coffee )! So, without further ado, here is everything you unsaved trash NEED to know about demons!

Basic Facts about DemonsDemons are a very real force in this world, and they are fallen angels who've sinned and decided to serve Satan (Revelation 12:9, Ezekiel 28:14 and Jude 6). They, like angels, probably have a lot of wings (Isaiah 6:2), and they are very powerful (Psalm 8:4-5), though they aren't omniscient (Matthew 24:36). They enjoy possessing people (Mark 5:1-20 and Acts 16:16-19), pretending to be righteous (2 Corinthians 11:14-15), tormenting people (2 Corinthians 12:7), whores (Leviticus 17:7) and sacrifices (Deuteronomy 32:17, Psalm 106:37, 1 Corinthians 10:20 and others).

How to Recognize a Demon Attack

Now that you know how to recognize a demon, it's imperative that you know how to recognize a demon attack. Luckily, the Bible tells us exactly what we need to look out for. Here is a list of things that are indicative of demonic assault, though it's important to remember demons are crafty and symptoms of possession aren't just limited to this list.

If any of these are true, chances are you're possessed by a demon (or many demons, see Mark 5:9 for clarification)! This is absolutely horrible, but don't worry, there IS hope.

What to do in Case of a Demonic Possession

First of all, DON'T PANIC! Second of all, DON'T CONTACT THE CATLICK CHURCH! Demon infestations, while absolutely horrible, are fairly common and can be dealt with easily by True Christians™, so as long as you contact a pastor and set up a generous tithing program you should be fine. You definitely should NOT contact a catlick exorcist though, because they aren't true believers and usually make problems with demons worse.

Once a True Christian™ pastor generously gets rid of your demons, it is imperative that you fully accept Jesus and convert to True Christianity™ to keep the demon infestation from reoccurring. True Christians™ are perfect, we are the only people who are totally immune to demons. We know this because we are completely invincible (Luke 10:19), are protected by the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) and are the only people able to successfully cast out devils (Mark 16:17)

Remember, please report any suspicions of demonic activity to a True Christian™ man. Only you can prevent demon infestations!

"Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

Can you please define, 'common', when you use it in reference to how often people are possessed?

Well, since True Christians™ are the only people with the power to cast out demons (Mark 16:17), then it's logical to assume that everybody who isn't a True Christian™ must have some demonic activity in them. Of course, I'm sure this can range from very low (Pentecostals and Southern Baptists) to incredibly high (catlicks and atheists), though I'm sure you would have to ask one of our Creation Scientists™ for the full details.

"Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

Everywhere you see (X) make the sign of the Catholic cross on yourself. This is very important. if you fail to do this, or do it at the wrong time, you may STRENGTHEN the demon instead of weakening it.

Translation for those too ignorant of basic Latin, the Holy Language of God and Mother Mary:

Quote:

I exorcise thee, every unclean spirit, in the name of God (X) the Father Almighty, and in the name of Jesus (X) Christ, His Son, our Lord and Judge, and in the power of the Holy Spirit, that thou depart from this creature of God, (persons' name) which our Lord hath designed to call unto His holy temple, that it may be made the temple of the living God, and that the Holy Spirit (X) may dwell therein. Through the same Christ our Lord, who shall come to judge the living and the dead, and the world by fire.

Just so we are all clear, this is JUST THE BEGINNING. A trained priest will then do the rest of the ritual as listed below. If you think you have a demon possession on your hands, contact your local Catholic church. Our rates are very reasonable.

Quote:

THE REST OF THE RITUAL:

The priest wets his hands with spittle from his mouth, and touches the ears and nostrils of the person. And in touching first the right ear and then the left, says:

May Almight God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, He who hath regenerated you by water and the Holy Spirit, and given thee remission of all thy sins, anoint thee (X) with the chrism of salvation, in the name of the Christ Jesus our Lord; unto life everlasting.

Person. Amen.

Priest. Pax tibi.

Peace be unto you.

Person. Et cum spiritu tuo.

And to you also.

Then the priest wipes his thumb and the place anointed with cotton and puts upon the head of the person a white linen cloth, saying:

Receive this burning light, and keep thy Baptism so as to be without blame: keep the commandments of God, that when the Lord shall come to the nuptials, you may meet Him together with all the saints in the heavenly court, and may have eternal life and live for ever and ever.

If I happen to find Linda Blair puking up pea soup I'll give that a shot - When faced with a real demon I think I'll go with the excellent work of Sister Lycia.

Bless you Sister for compiling this - while I was aware of this (like all good True Christians) I am sure that having all this knowledge in the one place will be a boon.

YIC

Remember at the end of the movie, they didn't beat the demon. In fact the demon overpowered the "expert" and the young priest was only able to get it out of the girl by committing suicide. Of course this left the girl open for even more demons.

Matthew 17:14-21 (King James Version)

Quote:

14And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying,
15Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.
16And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.
17Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.
18And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.
19Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?
20And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Matthew 12

Quote:

43When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none.
44Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished.
45Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation.

You impertinent woman! Do you want to get those who are possessed KILLED? The ONLY thing you can do is contact the Holy Roman Catholic Church!

We have been in the exorcism business for 2,000 years. Are you sure you aren't possessed? Just in case, read this:

Everywhere you see (X) make the sign of the Catholic cross on yourself. This is very important. if you fail to do this, or do it at the wrong time, you may STRENGTHEN the demon instead of weakening it.

Translation for those too ignorant of basic Latin, the Holy Language of God and Mother Mary:Just so we are all clear, this is JUST THE BEGINNING. A trained priest will then do the rest of the ritual as listed below. If you think you have a demon possession on your hands, contact your local Catholic church. Our rates are very reasonable.

What kind of Catolick Cardinal are you? Didn't they teach you anything in the seminary or at the Vatican? You rebuke Sister Lycia and yet you would erroneously have us believe a sprinkle of water and a short prayer chases away the "rulers of this world'.

To Sister Lycia, don't listen to this cripple. Obviously Alzheimer's has set in. He forgot 99% of the false Catolick dance with Satan and his minions.

First of all their ceremony starts with the Litany of the Saints which asks every saint on the books and some they manufacture to pray for us -- ora pro nobis. Next a litany of sins and punishments that befall humankind and a plea for all the above mentioned to take them away.

Then comes the recitation of Psalms 53 followed by a prayer asking God to really give it to the demons, to make their existence miserable and render them harmless.

After that the exorcist finally recites your little prayer. Following is a whole bunch of gospel quotes where the good guy wins over the bad.

Next comes the actual exorcism prayer that goes on for pages and pages. It is repeated over and over again until every demon leaves. The is followed by the Magnificat. Then The Lord's Prayer and a whole bunch of other short prayers taken from the Old and New Testaments; next the Canticle of Zachary; then a whole bunch more of short prayers mostly from Psalms (and lots of splashing the possessed with water in between all these various prayers and Bible recitations); then the Athanasian Creed; next a whole bunch of Psalms from which the exorcist can choose from depending upon how tired or lazy he is; next comes the exorcism proper of Satan and all his fallen angels; a few more prayers and finally a bunch more Psalms, many of them repeats from above and some required now from the pick and choose above. I could quote the entire Latin rite but then I would have to translate everything too. It would be a waste of time, as True Christians™ are too busy reading their 1611 King James Bible; praising Baby Jesus; and ministering to the world.

This Catolick sideshow is a circus, only serving to make the priest or bishop or cardinal (or any of those other dress wearing, Mary-worshiping, papist ass and ring kissing pedophiles) seem very important and puffed up.

As Sister Lycia wrote, True Christians™ don't go through all this comedic rigamarole. Our pastors and reverends use the casting of hands and some real prayers and directly confront Satan and his underlings. Demon for demon they only take up one one hundredth of the time your false ritual does.

YiJC, BS

II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

Other than the fact that I LOVE bacon and ham, the main reason I raise hogs is that they make a GREAT place to cast demons into!

I also chose my property in Freehold mostly because of the nearby cliff that overlooks the lake.

And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.

And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?

And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.

So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.

And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters. Matthew 8:28-32

First of all, DON'T PANIC! Second of all, DON'T CONTACT THE CATLICK CHURCH! Demon infestations, while absolutely horrible, are fairly common and can be dealt with easily by True Christians™, so as long as you contact a pastor and set up a generous tithing program you should be fine. You definitely should NOT contact a catlick exorcist though, because they aren't true believers and usually make problems with demons worse.

Our neighbor always says to just use a shotgun then we don't have to worry about anything but then again old Mr. Lester is a not a True Christian™. My dad always suggests to just run them over with the Ford and then again our Uncle suggests doing it old-school by burning them by the stake.

I have a question though, would a demon be encouraged to stay in a young choir boy if you contacted a Cathlick priest? Would the demon enjoy the molestation or would he leave the body?

Our neighbor always says to just use a shotgun then we don't have to worry about anything but then again old Mr. Lester is a not a True Christian™. My dad always suggests to just run them over with the Ford and then again our Uncle suggests doing it old-school by burning them by the stake.

I have a question though, would a demon be encouraged to stay in a young choir boy if you contacted a Cathlick priest? Would the demon enjoy the molestation or would he leave the body?

AFAIK demons are at satan's bidding and with the molestation being an affront to the Lord I have no doubt the demon would enjoy it. They can leave and enter a body as they see fit once they have control over someone though so it is possible they would leave the host.

Interesting point there though - I wonder if a catlick priest was caught in a compromising situation with a choirboy if he could claim to be exorcising a demon? Maybe trying to push it out of his body?

If you don't believe it then go read your bible - you DON"T have a bible??? Then prepare for eternal damnation sinner.
“If ye love me, keep my commandments.” – John 14:15
"Vengeance Is Mine, I Will Repay Sayeth The Lord" - Romans 12:19

A former African witchdoctor who practiced witchcraft for over twenty years said that demons are attracted to the substance candles are made out of. Candles were a part of his witchcraft. It does not matter what color, shape, or smell they have. When lit, the smell of the candle also calls on another big time demon. Is it a wonder why the candle business is in the Billions of dollars a year! No wonder too that so many churches have candles all over the place.
Get rid of all your candles. You may just be getting rid of some of your problems. This also pertains to incense.
For those Bible researchers who read that "candles" were mentioned in the Bible, look in your Strong's concordance. The Original term is "lamp" "oil" or "oil lamp", NOT "candle". They did not use candles, but used oil.
After you get rid of the candles, command all the demons to leave you and your property, in the name of Jesus, JUST IN CASE.
What if the lights go out, you say? Use a flashlight!

THE DEVIL HAS A CANDLE FOR EVERY NEED. HE MAKES IT LOOK GOOD AND SMELL GOOD JUST SO YOU CAN BRING HIS DEMONS INTO YOUR HOME.

If you have severe stomach pains or a stomach virus, break the power of the curse of burning incense. You may have been around someone burning incense or someone may have been burning incense on your behalf.

Since the demons are essentially squatters, I wonder if we could have our good Mayor or Town Hall simply serve them with 30-day eviction notices?

This is our land and our citizens

Good idea, Mistress Cookie. If there is one thing we should pride ourselves in, it is that the City of Freehold is sin free and not possessed by the Devil.

Our guard must be up and the hammer down.

Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

You impertinent woman! Do you want to get those who are possessed KILLED? The ONLY thing you can do is contact the Holy Roman Catholic Church!

We have been in the exorcism business for 2,000 years. Are you sure you aren't possessed? Just in case, read this:

Everywhere you see (X) make the sign of the Catholic cross on yourself. This is very important. if you fail to do this, or do it at the wrong time, you may STRENGTHEN the demon instead of weakening it.

Translation for those too ignorant of basic Latin, the Holy Language of God and Mother Mary:Just so we are all clear, this is JUST THE BEGINNING. A trained priest will then do the rest of the ritual as listed below. If you think you have a demon possession on your hands, contact your local Catholic church. Our rates are very reasonable.

This will make the demons go away if i may ask;by babbling meaningless words. Instead of exercising the authority in the name and blood of Jesus with authority.

This will make the demons go away if i may ask;by babbling meaningless words. Instead of exercising the authority in the name and blood of Jesus with authority.

Mister, you're replying to a filthy catlick mackerel-snapper, probably the least-informed group of people on earth (as far as the Bible and Jesus are concerned...they know a LOT about pedophilia and queersexuality).

Now: how about heading over to the Introduction Forum and telling us all about yourself: we want to get to know you!