JOHN DARK REPOST
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ANDY GRIFFITH
Opie and the Pie
By Uncle Mike

Opie Taylor was a good boy. On t'other hand, he was an 11-
year-old boy, which means he wasn't all THAT good. He played
hooky onc't in a while, and he threw rocks at squirrels, and he
knew some cuss words. But he didn't use them in front of
grown-ups. Of course, bein' the son of Mayberry's sheriff may
have had something to do with that; when you're the sheriff's
boy, seems everybody's always watchin' what you do.

But at heart Opie was a nice boy, so when his Aunt Bee
asked him to take a peach pie over to Helen Crump -- his
teacher, and his Paw's girlfriend, sort of -- Opie did just that.
He didn't stick a finger in the pie, and he didn't stop to join the
ball game the other kids were having over at the school. He
went straight over to Miz Crump's house.

However, he wasn't a perfectly nice boy, so when he came up
to the house and heard some funny noises comin' from out back,
he didn't knock on the front door, and he didn't go back home,
and he didn't call out "Miz Crump! Got a pie for ya!" No, what he
did was, he tippy-toed real quiet like around the side of the
house until he found an open window that was where the sound
seemed to be coming from. And he crawwwllled up to that
window real slow, and he raised his head up to it reallll
careful, and he looked in.

And what he saw was, Miz Crump was a-lyin' on her bed. And
she was naked as a plucked chicken. Only she looked a lot
better than any ol' chicken, and that was sayin' some 'cuz Opie
really liked chicken. Opie always thought Miz Crump was
pretty anyway, seein' her in school and all; she had a real nice
smile and smooth skin and her eyes was all sparkly-like. She
was pretty old, though, maybe 30, Opie thought, but still good
lookin'.

But what he didn't know until he looked in that window was
that the rest of her was as pretty as her face. On her chest
was her breasts, only Opie didn't know to call 'em that, but
what he knew was they looked like two big ol' cereal bowls
upside down, with cherries on top, and on top 'a the cherries
was little nubbins what looked like the erasers on the ends of
pencils -- only Opie had chewed on some erasers in his time,
and these looked they'd taste a powerful sight better.

Opie looked at those breasts a piece, but then he noticed the
rest of her was naked too -- white skin all curvy and wide hips
and smooth,long legs and all. He couldn't see between the legs,
'cuz that's where Thelma Lou was.

Thelma Lou was his Paw's deputy Barney's gal. She was a
little shorter than Miz Crump and a little plumper and her hair
was a little darker, but her butt was a lot bigger -- or at least
that's what it looked like, kinda wavin' in his face there. See,
Thelma Lou was on her knees facin' away from Opie, with her
big ol' butt a-wigglin' in the air and her face buried between
Miz Crump's legs.

And the funny sound? Well, most of that was Miz Crump a-
moanin' and a-groanin' and I don't know what all. And Thelma
Lou, she was makin' some noise too, but it was kinda muffled
soundin' like.

Opie kept on watchin', kinda what them city fellers call
transfixed, I guess, a-holdin' onto that peach pie in one hand
and a-rubbin' his penis with t'other.

Well, it musta gone on for long 'bout 15 minutes, I guess,
afore Miz Crump, she started hollerin' and buckin' up and down,
and the bed started in to shakin' and creakin' and such. Opie
wasn't perfect sure, but it sounded like Miz Crump was a-
yellin' "Oh, God!" and "Suck me! Suck me, Thelma! Faster!" and
such like, which Opie didn't think was real proper for a
teacher-lady to be sayin', 'specially if it was one who was
seein' his Paw on a reg'lar basis. But he kept on a-watchin',
anyway, and then Miz Crump, she yelled out "I'm coming! I'm
coming!", which Opie thought was kinda funny, don't ya know,
'cuz she was right there on the bed and she wasn't coming or
going anywhere that he could see. In fact, after a bit more
whoopin' and hollerin' and buckin' up and down, she stopped
doin' much of anything. Thelma Lou, she crawled up on the bed
there and kissed Miz Crump, and started a-rubbin' herself on
Miz Crump, kinda, and there were these two globes a-hangin'
down from her chest, looked like two big melons with two
more of those eraser things on the ends, and those melons
were jigglin' and a-swayin'. Then Thelma Lou, she hollered
some, and bucked some, and then she kinda collapsed all sudden
like and they lay there awhile.

Opie, he was still a-rubbin' himself, and feelin' pretty good
about it. But then Thelma Lou, she said as how she had to go
meet Barney, and she got up and left, and Miz Crump, she got up
too and went into the bathroom and closed the door, so Opie
couldn't see anymore, which was a shame on account a' he
hadn't gotten to feel REAL good yet, if you know what I mean.

Now, like I said, Opie was a good boy but he wasn't a perfect
boy. So I guess that explains what happened next.

What happened next, was, he went back around to the front
of the house, and he watched until Thelma Lou had left and
gone out of sight, and then he waited a couple more minutes
for Miz Crump to get out of the bathroom, and then when he
figured he'd waited long enough he went up to the front door
and he knocked on it.

Miz Crump, she come to the door, and she was looking all
flushed, like she'd just been playing ball for a couple hours or
somethin'. She was in this pretty red robe, clutching it around
herself real tight. It was silky, y'know, and, well, she was
holdin' it so tight that he could see those two button things a-
pushing out at the ends of her breasts. Well, she opened up the
main door a bit, and she saw it was Opie, so she opened it all
the way and just stood there with the screen door still closed,
and said howdy. And Opie, he said howdy back. Only, of course,
he said "Howdy, Miz Crump," because he was a nice boy who
didn't take liberties with his elders.

Well, they talked a bit, and Miz Crump, she allowed as how
she'd like that peach pie, and would Opie hand it over? But
Opie, he kinda hemmed and hawed, and said as how maybe his
Aunt Bee would need the pie plate back right away, so maybe
he oughta come in and take care of it for her. Well, Miz Crump
didn't seem to cotton to that right away, but Opie was a-
grinnin' and such, so she let him on in.

So Opie, he come in, and went to the kitchen, and put that
peach pie down on the table. And Miz Crump, she said he could
take care of it and she'd just be in her bedroom changin'.

But Opie, he didn't take care of that pie. No sir. No, he
walked into the bedroom just as bold as you please, and there
was Miz Crump, naked again. Opie got an even better look at her
than through the window. She was quite a sight, too. Had a
chest even bigger when she was standin' up, and there wasn't
no sag at all. And he could see between her legs, too. She had a
big ol' patch o' hair, all soft but kinda curly. And he could just
about see right 'tween her legs, a wet-lookin', reddish kinda
slit, there.

Miz Crump, she wasn't at all glad to see Opie there a-lookin'
at her, no sir. First, she put her hands over her chest, to cover
up. Then she musta thought about it a second, 'cuz she put her
hands over down 'twixt her legs. Then she tried to cover up
both parts at once, but that didn't work out too good. So she
give up and she just told Opie to get on out of there.

But he didn't. And this is where the story gets kinda nasty,
see. 'Cuz Opie, he told Miz Crump that he saw what she and
Thelma Lou was doin'. In detail. And he told her that she
probably wouldn't want his Paw to find out. Or the other folks
in town. Miz Crump, she 'llowed as how she wouldn't.

So Opie, he says, "Well, what're you goin' to do about it?"

And Miz Crump, she says, "Well, what do you want me to do
about it?"

And Opie, he says, "Come over here." So she does. And he
says, "Unbutton my jeans." So she does. And he says, "Pull down
my pants. And my shorts." And she does.

And his cock, well it jumps out like a frog on a hot plate.
It's about as big around as a garden hose, and about as long as
one of them pencils in school, before anybody's sharpened it.
And that cock, it kinda bounces around right in front of Miz
Crump's face, on account a' she had squatted down to pull off
Opie's pants and shorts.

And Opie, he says, "Suck me."

And Miz Crump doesn't. At least, not right away. No, she
says, "Young man, I think things have gone far enough. Now, I
don't know for sure what you think you saw, but I'm pretty sure
no one you tell is going to believe you, whatever you say. So
you just put your clothes back on and get right on out of here,
this instant. Opie Taylor, you should be ashamed of yourself."

Well, that coulda been the end of the story right there, only
Opie, he wasn't no fool. No sir. He'd watched the men at Floyd's
barber shop playin' cards, and he knew what a bluff was. So he
called it. He says, "OK, then, Miz Crump. I'll go. An' I'll start
tellin' everbody I see what I saw you and Thelma Lou doin'. And
maybe some of 'em won't believe me. But I bet some of 'em
will. And some of 'em that don't, right off, why, they'll get to
wonderin' how a little kid like me knows to make up stuff like
what you were doin'. And then what d'you think?"

Miz Crump had to admit he had her there. So she reached out
and she took hold of his penis, and she started strokin' it, back
and forth. And Opie, he says, "Not so fast. Slow. Like Thelma
Lou was doin' to you." And so she slowed down, rubbin' her hand
up and down his big ol' cock until it was thick and hard like a
baseball bat. Only not so big.

And then Opie, he says, "Suck on it." So she did. She made her
lips into an "O", and she put the tip of his cock up to her lips,
and she pressed down, and it slid right in. And she sucked in so
her cheeks hollowed out, and started movin' up and down the
shaft. And Opie, he never felt anything like that before. He
started moanin', real soft, and he reached down and grabbed
Miz Crump's breasts, one in each hand. And started caressin'
'em, and squeezin' her nipples, and moving his hips back and
forth to press his cock deeper into her mouth. And he says,
"Ohhhh, that's good. You suck dick good, Miz Crump. I wonder if
you ever did this to my Paw?" And she shook her head, which
felt even better on his cock.

Anyway, she kept on a-suckin' and a strokin' until Opie felt a
funny feeling in his balls and up his shaft and then he shot his
wad right into Miz Crump's mouth. And she swallowed every
bit.

Well, then, Miz Crump gets off her knees, and she shakes her
finger at Opie, and she says, "Now, young man, I've sucked your
dick. You can go now."

But Opie, he says he's not finished. "Get on the bed," he says.
And Miz Crump, she starts to argue, but he gives her a look and
she knows there's no use. So she gets on the bed. And he takes
off the rest of his clothes and gets up on the bed with her.

And he looks down, and he starts to get stiff again already!
She was that good lookin'. But first, he lies down next to her
and he kisses her. And he opens his mouth a bit, and sticks his
tongue inside hers. Miz Crump, she tries to push him out, but he
just keeps on and finally she gives in and tongues him back.
And he starts his hands a-roamin' over her body, over her
breasts and her stomach and even sticks a finger in her pussy,
down there. And Miz Crump is a-writhin' and a-moanin' and
kissin' him back for all she's worth, and she's got her hands a-
roamin' around Opie's body, which is lean and hard -- all over, I
mean -- and she even puts a hand on his dick and rubs it a
little, too. But he pushes it away from there, 'cuz he's got
other ideas.

And then he breaks away and moves down to her chest, and
he licks and sucks on those breasts, kneadin' them in his hands.
And Miz Crump, she grabs one of his hands and she pulls it up
to her face, and she starts lickin' it, and suckin' the fingers
right into her mouth, one by one, and Opie, why his rod gets as
stiff and big as ever.

And then he crawls between Miz Crump's legs, and he looks
down at her, and she's a-smilin' up at him, her eyes kinda
shiny, and her hair all mussed up, and her breasts standin'
straight up with the nipples big and hard, and her pussy all wet
and open for him. And Opie puts the tip of his penis right at the
entrance, and he feels all the hot juices, and he pushes it in,
real slow, until he feels the tip pop past the lips, and then he
slides it in all the way. Miz Crump, she starts a-buckin' and a-
twistin', but Opie, he pulls out and says, "No. I wanta take my
time with this."

And so he does. He slides his cock back into her pussy,
feelin' her lips close around the shaft and caress him all the
way in, and begins to move it in and out, and in and out, and
like that. And Miz Crump, she moves with him, her hips a-
movin' up and down. And she starts moanin', "Oh, Opie, you're so
good! Opie, yes, fuck me! Oh, fuck me harder! Oh, all the way!"
Which is like what she was moanin' when Thelma Lou was doin'
her, but now Opie doesn't mind so much, 'cuz he's moanin' too.
He's a-sayin', "God, Miz Crump, you're so hot! I never figured a
lady like you would be so tight! God, that feels so good! God,
I'm gonna fuck you!" And he did.

He pushed his cock in and out some more, slow and then fast
and hard and then slow again. And Miz Crump, she said, "Touch
me down there! Put your finger in me. Just a little over to the
left, up a litt... YES! YES! That's it! O-PIE! Fuck me good! Harder!
Fuck me! Put it deeper! Deeper! DEEPER!" And he did. And Miz
Crump bucked her hips up and down, and Opie pushed in and out,
and juices came a-squishin' out of her hole, and her head was
whippin' back and forth on the pillow, and Opie was a-breathin'
hard and a-lickin' her neck and puttin' his tongue in his ear and
I don't know what all, but it was hot and it was nasty, yes sir.

And he said, "God, yes! Oooooooh! Oh, God! Miz Crump, you
fuck great! You make me feel so good!" And then he got that
feelin' again, and he thought o' somethin' he'd heard Miz Crump
yell, and he figured out what it meant, and he said, "I'm
cummin! I'm cummmmmmiiiinnnn!" And he did.

And the jism, it boiled out of his balls and squirted through
his rod and exploded into Miz Crump's pussy like a fire hose.
And he bucked and he screamed and then he shuddered and he
stopped.

But Miz Crump, she didn't. No sir. She kept on a-buckin' and
a-humpin', and Opie, he was yellllllllin', 'cuz his dick was so
tender and she was a-squirmin' around on it, he thought he was
plumb gonna die. And then, just when he was sure he couldn't
take no more, Miz Crump, she started shakin' and shiverin' like
it was colder 'n a witch's whatsis, and like to bucked him right
off the bed, but he held on, and it started to feel pretty good,
and that kept on a couple of minutes, I guess, her buckin', then
stoppin', then a-buckin' again, afore she finally stopped all
over.

And then Opie, he was plumb tuckered out, so he rested
there awhile on top of her, with her sweat and his sweat a-
pourin' down like they was in a reg'lar swimmin' hole. Finally,
Opie, he gets up, and starts gettin' dressed. And Miz Crump,
she's just a-layin' there, lookin' at him, kinda dazed, you
know?

Opie, he says, "I'll be back, you know," and his voice kinda
cracks, 'cuz I think he was right there and then becomin' a man,
if you know what I mean. And Miz Crump, she says, "That's
right, Opie Taylor, you're right, I haven't paid enough for what I
did. You should come back." And then she smiles, and she says,
"And I think Thelma Lou should have to pay, too, don't you?"

Well, Opie, he allows as how that's a good idea, and he grins
so wide you'd think the ends of his smile would go clear 'cross
his head and meet on t'other side. And then he walks out and
goes home, and he's a-whistlin' all the way. I think you'd know
the tune, if I could do it for ya.