In my last entry I posted about having to give a client a 2 hour massage tonight, back and neck only. Well, I had an epiphany during that massage.

I couldn’t palpate what was going on under the skin, and I ran out of massage strokes within the first 45 minutes, not even. I zoned out and while I was “zoned out”, I let my body move instinctively. I turned off my brain – stopped trying to figure out how I can help this person, and instead just trusted that I already knew how to help her.

It’s hard to explain, but it’s like how a cat always lands on it’s feet no matter what angle you throw it from (not that I throw many cats in my free time), or how a mother instinctively knows how to care for her young, or how birds navigate. All the materials are already there, you just have to trust that they are there.

Xena says “act, don’t react.”

You have to trust yourself – your deeply ingrained, heavily submerged subconscious. Once you do that, your body will know what to do.

Maybe fear comes from the lack of trust you have in yourself? Feeling helpless and alone is just a way of surrendering to that which you can’t control.

I always liked the saying, ‘Let go and Let God.’ This reminds me of that.

I’m not sure if I make much sense. These are the ponderings of a 30-year-old high school grad still living with her folks.