28 April 2012

I need to be positive, need to keep smiling.

There's some bad news I need to relay. On the evening of the 24th, my amazing grandmother had passed away. The family is fine since we were expecting this sooner or later. We all managed to have our proper goodbyes and all. It was sad hearing such news but I know that I can rest at ease knowing that she is no longer in pain or suffering. For the past couple of days, I have actually been all smiles because my mother told me not to cry.

"If you want your grandma to be happy, don't cry. Don't let her drown in our tears when she's watching over us in a better place. You'll only hurt her more."

I was doing okay until last night. I was thinking about her and I managed to recall her voice calling out to me calling me "jau-w" which means "grandchild". Then I would think about her smile, whenever she would see if after a long time, I would always make an effort to make her smile because it was the most touching an adorable thing ever just to see her happy. Then reality hit me. I was never going to hear her voice again, never going to see her smile again. It hurts but where she is now is a much better place, I know that better than anyone.

I know for a fact that the pain will eventually subside but the memories won't. My family has so much to be thankful for, she was a remarkable woman that we loved so much. She helped shaped our family to be who we are today, if it weren't for her I probably wouldn't have been born or even know English.

Grandma, your granddaughter misses you so much. It hurts but I will be happy because I know that you will be watching over us. Thank you for everything, words really cannot express my gratitude. If my mother is my hero, than you're our legend.