Thursday, December 07, 2006

the not-so-daily grind

It's been a long time since I've sat at my desk and simply wanted to cry. Ever since I decided to leave my job I've been able to get through the days with relative optimism - knowing that come January 26th (it's official!) I will be embarking on a new adventure and leaving days of staring mind-numbingly at spreadsheets far behind. Today, unfortunately, a project arose that has required pulling a million little pieces together and it's stressing my last nerve. But what's really making me feel bad is that ultimately, it's not that hard of work - but somehow I'm so drained and so out of touch with actually getting my mind to function at work that I'm really struggling with it. And so all the resentment I had that led to me quitting my job in the first place is coming forward full force as I wonder why it's been so long since I've actually done anything I'm good at. Which of course makes me wonder just how easy it will be to find something I'm good at once I've left the confines of this place. And the fear creeps back in...

7 Comments:

i just started working again. i'm already sick of it: renovations. SO boring. painting an already-white wall even whiter is equivalent to watching static on the TV all day. at first one is numb, then one is dumb, then one comes home and stares blankly at an empty comment box and ends up writing something really boring and self-involved...

s'mat - I hear ya - there are far too many white walls in this world (but I never find your writing boring, and anyone who claims their blog is anything but self-involved is probably a bit unclear on the concept ;)

allan - you're not a very good secret keeper now are you?

megan - so true! thanks for the encouragement - I hate to throw these 'blah blah life frustrates me' posts up but sometimes you just have to call a spade a spade and then be willing to take the advice people throw at you.