Wednesday, March 10, 2010

And The KISSA* Goes To...

*Check out KISSA! Just one of the many exciting and fun things you could get with your gift card from Eden Fantasys!TIME TO ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER!

It was a close race, I must say... and I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who humiliated yourselves by sharing your most embarrassing and/or disastrous sex stories.

It will totally be worth it though, when you get over to the Eden Fantasys website and see all the supadupa sexy things you can put that gift certificate toward (like kegelcisers! or lingerie!).I wish *I* had won.Or entered.But I guess that wouldn't be all "ethical" or "right" or "unbiased" or "fair" since I was running the contest.WHAT. EVER.You people and your "rules" about things.

ANYway.

After much careful consideration, collaboration, conversation, and possibly some constipation collusion, our esteemed judges Secondhand Karl (what does he do FIRSTHAND, I wonder??) and The Beauteous Finn have announced their choices.

All the stories were entertaining (and somewhat frightening, in some cases), but the judges were unanimous:

THE RUNNER UP, taking home the fake silver medal and a $15 iTunes Gift Card is....

Finn sez:: "I choose it because that is something that would happen to me the one and only time I'd ever get to have sex with Colin Farrell."

Her story:My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting but I refused to let him get the top off me, it was my game for the night...not until the movie was over and we were in the bedroom.

Well, he had made up the bed with the sexy new sheets he had bought and turned down the covers beforehand. The movie ends and I jump up and run to his bedroom and jump into the bed and promptly slide all the way across the bed, off the other side, airborne for a moment before I slam into the wall. The new sheets? Silk. Silk+satin=one heck of a slide.

I slid to a heap, a bit dazed and confused. There was much application of ice to the side of my face that impacted with the wall. Needless to say, my MASSIVE headache put a huge damper on the mood for the night. Though for the next week, people would ask me how I ended up with all the bruises on my face and give me the strangest looks when I said "I ran into a wall."

Let's give her a round of applause for her GRACE and COORDINATION.Congratulations!THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER, taking home the fake gold medal and supasexy $25 Gift Certificate from Eden Fantasys (THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!) is...

CONTESTANT #2, JOHN C!

Finn sez: "There are just so many things wrong with that story that the hair on fire is kind of anticlimactic."

Karl sez: "A true romance story with scares, fires, and hot wax! There are places that charge good money to do those things to you."

HIS story:

So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies I hear my phone give off an "Urgent" message. I check it to see my friend telling me this woman has a boyfriend and he's in the condo looking for her, hearing that that had been where she was. I HAD NO IDEA!!!!! Being in my then current situation and taking my friends advice, I stayed in the laundry room. I felt the damage was done and if I get in trouble for something, I might as well do it, dammit. And I wasn't going to fight some guy over a girl I had no idea was involved with anyone else. I'm a hopeless romantic, even on one night stands apparently! I had a few candles lit, two in the top corners of what would be the top of the stem on the "L" and a few above on a multi metal rod shelf, you know the ones mostly used in laundry rooms. After being in a few dominant positions I wanted a break and switched to the bottom. A couple days before I had just started knotting my hair up before starting the dreading process. The only bad part of that situation is that when I flipped to be on the bottom I had situated myself much further towards the candles. In only a few moments of enjoying a great ride, the dark, candle lit room started to become a bit brighter.

My hair was on fire.

My dry, knotted hair had caught flames from the very same candles I placed in an area of the room no bigger than 6x3. Karma, some would say. If that's not bad enough, startled, we both jumped up and her head hit the shelf holding the other candles and they fell onto the top and panties she was wearing before. Though with neither of us feeling like stopping we laughed it off and had a great night. I had to shave my head because of the fire damage. I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain why different colored wax was all over her panties and shirt. It's a memory i'll never forget.

LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALMOST-DREADLOCKED JOHN! Let's hope he uses his Eden Fantasys giftcard for something fireproof.Thanks once again to ALL PARTICIPANTS and especially OUR SPONSOR, Eden Fantasys - the place where you can fulfill all your fantasies (or at least get the tools to make that happen) from the naked comfort of your own home.