Top 5 Rules for Taking 2019 by the Proverbial Balls

New Year, New Me....we hear it all the time. But how many of us really mean it?

There are a lot of negative posts floating around on social media about 2018 and a lot of optimism about 2019.

This is going to be the year, apparently, that everyone with an Instagram or facebook account change everything.

I love the romanticism of the idea, but it’s kind of the same story every year and a lot of hype goes into the New Year and its symbolism.

I think it’s fabulous to “review” the year- what went wrong, what went right, what didn’t change and what needs to change. Kind of an inventory check aka self- reflection.

The reality is most of us are probably going to party way too hard tonight and wake up nursing one of the worst hangovers of the “new year”. Ah, maybe the New Year resolutions can start on the 2 nd of January instead of tomorrow?

Either way, doing my own self-reflection I pin-pointed a few things that I need to change or at least be mindful of this year.

1.) Respect Time.

“The Problem is that you Think you have Time”- Buddha

I love this quote. I think Buddha meant this more universally about being present and mindful, but it applies to punctuality, too. I have noticed, and so have others (cough, cough) that I tend to leave things a little to the last minute, especially when it comes to being “on time”.

Whether it’s for a meeting, work, getting my son to school, showing up to a scheduled dinner, etc- I always seem to be “just on time”, a few minutes late or some natural disaster prevented me from showing up anywhere near on time.

It’s a problem.

And it’s rude.

I always say how much I hate it when people waste my time by cancelling meetings, not showing up, making me wait, etc.- so why do I feel that it is excusable for me to do the exact same thing to others? It’s not. When I owned my yoga/fitness studio I would be livid if I didn’t start one of my classes on time for whatever reason or if an instructor came in late with car trouble excuses yet a room full of clients waiting to start the class. It was my show, though...and if anything happened on my watch, I was accountable.

Lately I seem to be making a lot of excuses to myself and others about my punctuality and that is going to change out of respect to the others that it affects. Time is money, we all know this, but is also a verbal contract with the other person when a meeting is set; whether it is drinks with a friend or an early meeting with colleagues, punctuality does matter and a lack thereof doesn’t go unnoticed. I used to work for a film producer and we had a lot of meetings with directors, actors and other very animated characters, one famous porn star in particular was always late...if she showed at all.

Sitting at a famous restaurant in Beverly Hills waiting for her one day, the producer said to me “5 minutes late is understandable, 10 is annoying and anything over 15 minutes is just rude”. That stayed with me but hasn’t exactly been applied, until now. The president of the radio station I work with now takes it another degree higher and says “showing up on time means you are late. Always plan for something to go wrong and show up early”.

Food for thought and advice I will take with me into 2019. I don’t think I will be joining the 5am club, but maybe setting the alarm a bit earlier. Baby steps.

2.) Find and nurture love

I have wrestled with this one a lot over the course of my life so far. A lot of important people have come and gone from my bubble over the years, and I am not referring to death- just leaving or being left. I am also not just referring to romantic love, but the ability to trust, love and release your entire being to another with full confidence. Going through my parents divorce in my teenage years and my own in my thirties was not fun or easy. Not that it ever is. I can admit that I have abandonment issues which probably prematurely wrecked or sabotaged some other very important relationships with people I cared about in the past.

For that, I am sorry. I put up the walls and always used that “you can’t fire me because I quit” mentality if anyone got too close and I thought I could get hurt.

Fight or flight?

It ultimately doesn’t do anyone any favors and is a fabulous way to cheat myself out of a lot of goodness. In some cases, crazy just has to go but they are the exceptions to the rule. There is a communication gap in a lot of relationships and it needs to be filled, as painful as it may be at the time, it HAS to be filled. We all have, will be or are going through relationship issues- whether they are friendships, romantic, parental or professional. It is very easy to look back and dwell on the past, to dissect it and get caught up in details and existential grief. It is much harder to just be where you are.

Breath it in, soak it in and take that inventory again of who IS in your life right now that brings love, joy, happiness and focus on nurturing and growing those relationships. Learning to soften and let go into the arms of love- be that of a child, lover or friend...to really open up, be vulnerable and soak in love.

​Listen, learn and love.

It is such a cliché, but its an inside job and it starts with one’s self...which leads me to number three;

3.) Radical Self Care

For a new mom, this could be as simple as a 30 minute (ok, fifteen?) bath with candles and soft zen music as someone watches the baby. Just TAKE TIME to be alone. I have been learning this as time marches on.

My son is almost twelve, so the new mom category is out for me, but I have been doing this a lot lately. Reading more, watching movies, sleeping in, going to the gym... just unplugging from lifewhen I can etch out a few minutes, hours...whatever.

Just making sure I do this every day makes being a single mom with two jobs actually fun. Here’s another cliché, but we all know that you will never be able to love or give of yourself freely if you don’t take the time to nurture and honor yourself. Running around in thirty different directions most of the time is a reality for most single working parents with a child in sports...but carving out that “me” time and making it a DAILY ritual is the key to not only functioning but thriving in light and love.

​Take that trip! Hang out with that girl from high school who messaged you out of the blue on Facebook. Disconnect so you have more room to fully connect.

It’s like charging your phone...it eventually dies if you don’t charge it, right? It’s not about being selfish, its about self preservation and ultimately, getting that glow back. Maybe its not a brand new wardrobe or expensive surgeries- but a pretty new top, or a hair cut, or a massage up north at a thermal spa.

Get militant with protecting your downtime.

Say NO more.

Do LESS when you can and don’t need to be overextending for useless gatherings with people you don’t care about.

Networking is amazing, but in small organized doses. That’s what it has been for me lately- prioritizing my time and making sure I am giving myself enough of that yummy me time.

4.) Be Kind

​It’s that simple.

As a former yoga teacher I learned a lot from my students. The most important lesson is to back off on the knee-jerk judgement calls on people.

You honestly never really know what the other person has been or is going through. EVERYONE has a story. Take the time to smile at strangers, but not in a creepy way, of course, and preferably not in a public bathroom.

Just be gentle with people.

Not everyone is out to get you, and some people may be on the verge of some pretty dark stuff that you know nothing about. Give your clothes away to a shelter, buy a homeless person a meal or at least a coffee or tea, tip more than you normally do if the waiter/waitress went out of their way to serve you with a smile even though they could be having a horrible day.

It doesn’t take much to do something nice for someone everyday and it doesn’t have to cost a thing. It could just be a compliment, opening a door, asking someone how they are doing... whatever.

I find you get treated the way you treat people.

Maybe just simple karmic law, but I plan on finding a lot more ways to, simply put, be nice.

(Side note: Don’t be a fool either ...some people don’t deserve your energy. Learn how to read this carefully and donate that energy accordingly. Know when to trust your gut and move on).

5.) Be grateful

​One of my friends on Facebook posted something yesterday that instantly got me thinking about how grateful I am for everything I am and have.

I am far from perfect and there is a laundry list of things that Ineed to work on, from my physical health to career goals to finding a really good hair treatment... just constantly striving to better myself.

But I have my health, ten fingers, ten toes, my beautiful son and family, friends, a great career, love, both my parents are healthy and alive...another nephew is on the way soon.

I am so blessed and the gifts keep growing. So, this friend on Facebook posted about someone in his life who was in a wheel chair for 30 years, and now entering into their last quarter of life, a woman who broke a leg or a hip or something...and all of his pictures were of her as a young woman; healthy, beautiful, strong and then a photo of her in a wheel chair lifting weights at what looked like about eighty years old in a hospital somewhere.

DAMN! I thought.

It really is all about how we look at things/situations and our attitude that can get us in or out of a positive mind set.

Sometimes I hear people complaining about really trivial stuff (I need to lose 20 lbs, guys don’t hit on me anymore, I can’t afford XYZ, I am not smart enough, good looking enough, etc) and I will admit I get caught up in the negative self talk myself at times, but the important thing to remember is these fighters.

Warriors, really.

​Never getting caught up in a defeatist mindset, rather focusing on the end game.

I guess that is what it comes down to this time of year.

Goals.

I said “baby steps” before, and while I dobelieve the small changes add up to the big ones, I think selling ourselves short of our wildest dreams isa mistake.

Tonight, as everyone is out partying, I am going to set down some pretty lofty goals for 2019because I know I can attain them.

Shoot for the moon,

because even if you don’t reach you will still endup with the stars, right?

Do You Know How To Host A Great Christmas Party For Your Employees That They Will Love? Read this contributed post to learn 5 tips that will help you plan a memorable event.

Christmas Parties Are a Great Way To Bring Everyone Together

​The Christmas party season is officially upon us, and whether you’re already planning something for your employees or are stuck for ideas - maybe you thought you would just skip it this year completely and let them arrange something on their own, office Christmas parties really are a great way to bring everyone together and wind down after a long year and show appreciation for the hard work they’ve been putting in.So, if you’re struggling to come up with some good ways to celebrate and ensure that everyone has a great time, then we’ve got you covered.In this post, we’re going to share with you some tips for how to throw a great Christmas party for your team so you’ll hopefully go down as the best boss in history - or at least a pretty cool one.Set a budget:This may not be the most enjoyable part of planning a party, but it’s essential because it’s so easy to get carried away and letting things get out of hand when arranging the different elements of the Christmas party, so ensuring you set a budget from the beginning and are able to stick to it is definitely an important thing to take care of since it will allow you plan more efficiently and effectively without going crazy on the spending side of things.Find a great venue:This is one of those things that is always going to be easier the more notice you give, but even if you’ve left it a bit last minute it’s still going to be possible to find a great venue - it may not be your first, or even your second choice, but you’ll be able to find something that fits what you’re looking for. The other thing to consider is that some of the venues that have been booked well in advance may have cancellations, so it’s always a good idea to reach out to them and let them know if they have any cancellations to contact you as you’d be willing to put a deposit down right away - this is a win-win, since they’re not losing out and may even gain a bit extra since the deposits are generally non-refundable so the person who cancelled would have already had to let theirs go.Decide if you’re having it catered:Although catering can set you back quite a bit, it’s a pretty good thing to do for your staff - especially if alcohol is going to be flowing freely. Instead of having everyone have a sit-down meal, then a buffet option could be more cost effective and is actually a better option since it’s more casual and relaxed. When it comes to catering, it’s also worth deciding how you’re going to work the drinks. If you’re going to go for an open bar, then this will cost more, but you can usually speak to the venue and get them to work out some kind of deal with you so instead of paying per drink, you just pay a flat fee for the night and this will definitely put you up there as one of the coolest bosses ever.Decide on a theme:Themes are a pretty fun way to add a new level to a Christmas party, and although it’s Christmas, your theme doesn’t need to have anything to do with the Holidays - it can be fancy dress, it can be a theme that involves fun masks, or it can really be anything that’s a bit out there - or something that has a special meaning for your company and employees. It really doesn’t matter, but the idea is to have fun and get creative with it. You can have a look online for lots of inspiration around coming up with good themes for your party.Arrange entertainment:A party isn’t a party without entertainment, so decide on things like whether you want a DJ, a band, or whether you’d like to bring in a company like The Bartender Company to pour some great drinks and even mix up special themed cocktails for people or even have a funny photo booth. You have loads of ways you could get creative with this, so don’t be afraid to look into different and quirky entertainment options for your office Christmas because this is the stuff that will make it memorable for all the right reasons, and good entertainment doesn’t have to cost a lot.We hope this list has given you some good tips and ideas for planning your office Christmas party this year - or even in the future.

Read 4 easy ways to reconnect with estranged family in this contributed post.

With the Christmas season being just around the corner, there really has never been a better time for you to reconnect with your family. If you find this difficult because your family is estranged or because you don’t talk anymore then you have nothing to worry about. There are things that you can do to try and bring everyone together again.Reach Out More than OnceIt’s so important that you reach out more than once. The main reason for this is because relationships can deteriorate over the years and this can be made worse by stubbornness and even lack of communication. You may feel as though you have been wronged by them, or vice versa. You may also be convinced that the other should be making the effort and this can make the situation even worse. If you want to avoid a communication deadlock, then you need to try and extend an olive branch more than once. Let your anger go, and really make the effort to try and see it from the other person’s point of view.

Reach Out More Than Once

​Give, or Ask for Forgiveness

You need to be able to move past whatever happened. If you know that something is holding you back from meeting up with the other person, then you need to stop this from coming between you. Tell them that youforgive them, or admit to the mistakes that you may have made. This can be a fantastic way for you to build bridges and it can also be a great way for you to show that you are there for them. If you want to meet up with them then you may want torent a house for a family reunion.

Talk About It

When you have come to the point where you can forgive the other person, or where they can forgive you, you then need to try and talk about what happened. You don’t need to ignore the elephant in the room. Instead, you need to chat about what went wrong and even talk about the way that it made you feel as well. It’s so important that you don’t argue here, and that you really put the work in to try and explain the actions that you took at the time. When you do this, you can then reach a higher level of understanding that could bring your family together again.

Plan Something Special Together

​Plan Something Special

When you are on talking terms, plan something special. You could try and put the Christmas tree up together or you can even try and do something you always wanted to do when you were younger. This can help you to remember the good times and it can also help you to really make the most out of the time you have with one another. If you don’t feel like arranging something like this then consider spending some time with yourfamily and crack open a good bottle of scotch. After all, times like this need to be celebrated and the sooner you are able to understand this, the better.

This is yet another group activity I created for one of my weekly workshops. Ideally used with mixed groups of single men and women in dating workshops. This one can be fun, and take time, but very useful for very shy and reluctant singles.

Insta-Date Definition: A 10 minute conversation where the goal is for each person to learn 1 to 3 things about the other person, so that they can introduce the other person to a third person.

Ask the crowd a simple ask a question like,"Who likes and has a (pet) ?"

Hands go up.

Pair up as many couples as you can.

They are now required to have a 10 minute Insta-date where the goal is to discover 1-3 things about the other person.

Those that did not get paired up,are asked another simple question.

When hands go up, pair up as many couples as you can.

They start talking; they already had a topic to start them off(the topic they already have in common).

You are the organizer and now have a choice:

Your First Choice

You can have 2 paired couple merge into a group of 4. Each man has to talk to the other man about the 1-3 things he learned about the woman he spoke to for 10 min. Each woman has to talk to the other woman about the man she spoke to for 10 min.

This -Introduction- phase should take no more than 10 min (the same amount of time as an insta-date.

At the end of the -introduction- phase, the group of 4 breaks apart into couples again with the partners swapping from who they were originally speaking too.

Now the new Insta-date couple has already been introduced by a third party and knows a little something about each other.

Repeat this system, for about 1 hour and make sure that everyone gets to insta-date someone new each time. After the hour is over you can move on to other games, or let the singles mingle.

You Second Choice

If you do not have enough people for everyone to be coupled up, then during the time that some people are insta-dating, give a workshop lesson about conversation tips for dating to the people attending.

When the original insta-daters are done and re-join the group, ask another simple question and then you pair up a number of couples and send them to a part of the event space where they can insta-date, as you give more conversational tips for dating to those that did not get paired up.

Part of this method is to give specific easy to use conversational tips for dating that the attendees can use during an insta-date.

And if at any point during the workshop, you see a potential insta-date match up, assign them to insta-date immediately and re-join the group in 10 min.

This is another group activity I created for one of my weekly workshops. Ideally used with mixed groups of single men and women in dating workshops. It is a little complicated, but it WILL make a point to the group.

It may also make some attendees upset. That is the risk you take doing it. Seriously, some of your attendees may get very very upset. Best to do this with people you have worked with for a while, as this game will point out where people self-sabotage and not everyone likes being told how they ruin their own chances at finding love.

The premise is that you go to a florist and buy the cheapest flowers you can (in my area at the time, the cheapest were carnations). Each flower will be individually wrapped in cellophane. Ideally aim for a variety of colors, but it is not necessary.

The amount of flowers you pick up should be about 20-25% of your group capacity. So if you get 20 people coming to the workshop you need to get at least 4-5 flowers.

At the beginning of the workshop you tell them that you are going to play a game called “Ready For Love” and it requires volunteers.

You ask for the same number of volunteers as you have flowers. It cannot be someone whose friends push him or her. It has to be people independent enough to volunteer themselves. You as the host cannot ask anyone specific to step up.

When you have the number of volunteers you need stepping forward (try to have half be men, and half be women), you will make the announcement that these brave souls have taken the risks necessary to find love. Then give each of them a flower.​Tell them: The Flower is a symbol of the Love they have been given, and the love they will risk giving.

It is a symbol of how much risk someone is willing to take when it comes to dating and finding new love in his or her lives.

Each flower holder is then given a choice.

The choice is you can either

1-Give the flower to anyone in the room (regardless of gender) that you want; it is a SYMBOL that you are ready for a potential opportunity at love in the future (with no guarantee that you will ever give get it back – people cannot make “deals”)

or

2-Hold on to the flower as a symbol that you would rather hold on to this first chance at love, not be open to new potential opportunities for love in the future (but again are not guaranteed)

Rule: You cannot give a flower to someone that already has one.

At that point those flower holders who still hold their flowers may sit down, and those who are ready to give it away, find someone in the room to give it to.​

Rule: Anyone without a flower can step forward and ASK to be given a flower when it is time for the flower holders to give a flower to someone. Make sure you assistant keeps track on who gets up to VERBALLY ASK for a flower. They have to verbalize it. Standing up is NOT enough. They have to verbally ask the group of flower holders.

Each person must find the courage within to ask individually.

They cannot ask as a group (if you need your friend to help you ask for love, you will die alone).

Each person can ONLY ask once the entire nightlong. After they used up the once, they can no longer ask for love. Everyone get this one turn including people that have had a flower already, gave it up, and have yet to ask for one again.

As the host, you MUST keep track of each flower and who first volunteered, who held it, and who gave it away, and who got it. Get an assistant to help you keep track. It will be important later. Through the course of the workshop, continue with your lesson plan and every little while, you will again ask all the flower holders to step forward and give them all the same choice:

1-Give the flower to anyone in the room you want as a SYMBOL that you are ready for a potential opportunity at love (with no guarantee that you will ever give get it back – people cannot make “deals”)

or

2-Hold on to the flower as a symbol that you would rather hold on to this chance at love, not be open to new potential opportunities for love in the future (but again are not guaranteed)

Those that hold their flowers still, sit down. People who get up and VERBALLY ASK can ask those that want to give their flowers. The flower giver must choose to give it to someone that asks or they can give it to someone that has not asked. It is their choice completely

Once the flowers have been passed on, and you have recorded who got them, and who gave them, who asked for it, if that person got it, and who has held on to the flower refusing to pass it along.

In order for this to work, you have to run this a number of times. If your workshop is 3 hours, try to get in 10 runs of the game (run two, one right after the other to see how that changes it for people). It should not be a predictable pattern (every 20 min).

Over the course of the game you will notice that some of the same people might get a flower each time they are available to get one. You will also notice that some people will not get any flowers at all, and not even ask for one, nor ever volunteer.

What you will discover next is how the entire metaphor of the Flower as being Ready For Love is just a symbol for why the people in the group are still single.

Now it is time to explain why the host (and assistants have been keeping track of who did what and how often). There are points assigned for every action taken and for every flower received.

Points:

(you do not tell the attendees that you were keeping track of points)

Each person that was the first to volunteer gets 10 points if they gave their flower away

If the first volunteer holds on to the flower during the first give away, they lose 9 points, and only get 1 point

Each time someone gives away a flower they get 5 points

Each time someone gets a flower they did not ask for, they get 1 point

Each time someone gets up to ASK for a flower, they get 10 points

If the person asking for a flower gets one, they get an extra 5 points (15 total)

If the person holds on to the flower, they do not get or lose points at all. (Zero) They stay the same.

When you tabulate the points you will find that the people who volunteered and who asked for the flowers tend to have the most points.

Those people that refused to participate could have zero points.

Then there are those in the middle.

Now for the secret...the points are meaningless (for the most part). It is not based on the number of points you have that will guarantee that you find love.

The ONLY thing that the points reflect is your willingness to be READY FOR LOVE. Just like life does not guarantee results, neither can you.

However, the people that put themselves out there the most are the ones that have the best chances for love.

The Lesson

Each point represents a chance at love. But just like in life, if you block yourself from taking chances on new opportunities for love, because you are too obsessed with the “flower” in your hand at the moment, you will not find a potential soul mate.

You need to be open to love in order to be READY FOR LOVE. THAT is the point of the game. To remind everyone to be open to meeting a potential soul mate.

Every 5 points represents the number of soul mates you will meet over the course of your lifetime.

The more you put yourself out there, the more soul mates you will meet over the course of your life. Sometimes you might get lucky that someone likes you enough to make a move on you (give you a flower without asking). If you are LUCKY enough to be attractive to others, you get a shot at collecting enough opportunities to come across a new soul mate.

That is still no guarantee it will work out.

But you have a bigger chance at meeting someone.

The people who initially volunteered as well as the people that got up and verbally asked got the highest point. They represent the ones who are willing to ask for what they want and to volunteer totake the risk to be Ready for Love. They get 10 points (which means they have the chance of meeting two great soul mates throughout their love lives).

The people who volunteered at the beginning, but who did not give the flower away represent the people that were too attached to their first love, and closed themselves off from new opportunities for love. Thus they only get 1 point (the same amount of points that someone gets when they are just lucky). One point alone is not enough to get to them a soul mate.

Each time someone gives away a flower, that person gets 5 points. These people represent what it takes to increase your chances in your love life to meet as many soul mates as you can. You do not get love by hoarding it. You get more love by giving more love. If a person gives away a flower every time he or she gets one, by the end of the night, that person will have great chances to meet a number of soul mates in their love life. (All symbolic of course).

Each time that someone gets a flower without asking for it, they get 1 point only. They represent the people that just get lucky in their lives. 1 point is not enough, but if they are lucky enough to get 5 flowers without asking, they can achieve 5 points by the end of the workshop and earn the chance at having one soul mate in their love life.

Each time that someone asked for a flower and got it, they get a total of 15 points (10 for asking and a bonus extra 5 for actually getting one). They represent what it takes to have the BEST chances of finding real love. They have learned to ASK for what they want, and just the fact they have put themselves out there gives them high chances to meet a soul mate.

If they get a flower, whether it is because no one else was available at the moment to ask (timing does play a factor), or because there was something about the person that the flower giver liked, it means they are READY FOR LOVE in both taking a risk and asking for what they want.

There will be people that get no points by the end of the night. Or only get less than 5 points because they did not get a flower by luck enough times or held on to a flower and refused to pass it along. These people represent those who have given up on dating.

They did not volunteer, they did not ask for love, they just waited to see if they would be lucky enough if love came to them. Just like in life, if you do not put yourself out there and go for it, you will miss out.

What I found eerie is how this really translated well to how people really are in their loves lives.

Those that did not want to take risks or ask for the flower, knowing what the game represented (something you must enforce as the host), are the same ones that will not go for it in real life.

Those that get obsessed over the most inexpensive flower, tend to be the same personality types that put too much emphasis on a past relationship and struggle to move on.

Those that get the point of the game gave away their flower each and every chance they could, understand that the issue is not the flower, or the neediness for the flower; it was about putting something out there.

And finally, what ends up happening is that the person that gives the most flowers away is also the person that gets the most flowers back, because although no one is forced to give it back, they just do, because he or she gave them “love” first.

A complex game, but a really powerful lesson if you play it correctly; but the worst part? Listening to people’s excuses after the workshop why they did not want to volunteer, ask or give up their flowers.

The premise: Each person in the room will offer one compliment to every other person in the room, WITHOUT expecting a compliment in return.

When someone compliments you, you are instructed to simply say “THANK YOU”, without offering a compliment back.

There are a few different ways to do it.

For a larger group, have them walk around without saying a word, approaching as many people as they can. When they get face to face with someone, they must offer a compliment, without expecting one back, and the person being complimented must say. “THANK YOU” before saying anything else.

For smaller groups, or groups of people with limited mobility, you can have everyone sit in a circle and each person takes a turn in complimenting all the other members in the group, one by one. In this set up, allow everyone some time to write down their compliments to others in the group without having anyone share them. Smaller groups ideally have everyone wearing a name-tag (use first name or nickname)​Finally for very small groups of people who are horrendously shy, you can resort to people writing down the compliment for each person on a number of pieces of paper, then all the papers are collected and the host of the evening will pull out each one and read them out loud.

Do not use this one unless in extreme circumstances. It is a last resort method of doing it. It does not reach all of the goals needed.

The compliments can be superficial.

It can be based on a physical feature like a smile, complimenting the person’s eyes, mode of attire, or style of clothing.

If you start the group meet with the Charisma Game, most all of the compliments are going to be superficial, as most people will likely not know each other.

If you run the Charisma Game 3-4 times over the span of the group meet (which is the way is usually works best), at each start of the Charisma Game you an instruct people to compliment how the person has participated in the group meet thus far.

Very important to keep in mind; Instruct everyone that compliments are to remain appropriate and be non-sexual in nature. Do remember that some of the people who attend such group meetings are very socially awkward and may not know what is and is not an appropriate compliment. So offer some guidelines as to what is and is not an appropriate compliment.

Finally, set a time limit. The Charisma Game is to happen for a 2-4 minute span at most with medium sized groups. You do not want the same people pairing up during the same segment of the game.

The point of The Charisma Game is:

-To teach people that going up to meet a strangerto make that person feel good is OK to do

-To teach people strangers coming up to meet you andattempt to make you feel good is OK to do

-To teach people how to simply accept acompliment (Which some people have a hard time doing)

-To teach people that saying THANK YOU is enough, and not to feel obligated to complimentback just because someone complimented them first

-To teach people not to expect anything back andnot be attached to an outcome when they try tomeet someone new

-To build up people’sconfidence in being able to compliment others, andfor people to have their confidence reinforced bythe compliments of others

-To give people achance to meet each other in the group settingsare going to be regular ongoing meetings

-To teach people that the more times you approachthe same person over the course of the workshop,the easier it gets each time, and carry that comfortoutside the workshop space​

The Definition of Charisma as I teach it, is to make a person feel good about him or her self, while at the same time present a positive impression of yourself to them.

The use of compliments is how you make a person feel good. HOW you compliment a person without the pressure of expecting anything said in return is how you start to train yourself to make a favorable impression of yourself in the process.

Some of the things that would happen is that people from the workshop would get used to talking to people they liked as well as talking to people they did not like, which is a good social skill to develop.

Some of the people would approach me afterwards and tell me how difficult the first few were, but once they got used to it, they felt more comfortable as they did it more often.

Some people would take me aside and complain that everyone complimented him or her on exactly the same thing (for example, everyone complimented one person on her hairpin, and never on anything else). If this happens, it is a sign for the person to “step up” and give people something else to compliment. It is a great way for someone to learn they may not come across in the ways they thought.

Many of us grow up with the notion that when we meet the right person, everything will fall into place. That life will be easy, and our relationship will be perfect. We have the unrealistic idea that the right relationship won’t take any effort, it will just work.

In reality, this is far from true. All relationships take time, effort, understanding and compromise to work. If you’ve spent 2017 focused on business or your own development and not given your relationships the time they need to grow and thrive, then it’s time to make some changes. Even if you feel like 2017 was a great year and your relationship is in a good place, you can always do more. So, let’s take a look at some relationship resolutions for 2018.​

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Give Them TimeWhen we’re working hard or busy looking after our children, it can be easy to neglect our partners. We just assume they’ll always be there and that if we live together, we’re seeing them plenty. Even if you go to sleep together every night, wake up together every morning and eat the odd meal around the same table, it might not be enough. Promise yourself that in 2018 you will give them more time. Quality time when you sit and talk, cook a meal together, or go for a date night. Where it’s just about you two and your relationship. Do this as often as you can. Learn to CompromiseAt the beginning of a relationship, when we’re keen to impress, we compromise a lot. We want them to think we’re the right person for them, so we let things go. Then, as time goes by the art of compromise can be lost. Everytime something happens, try to remember how happy this person can make you. Is that worth losing over whatever you are fighting over, or would you be better off compromising or letting the small stuff go?Put them FirstWork, kids, social media, nights out, and hobbies are all things that we often put before our partners when we are in long-term relationships. Don’t. Sometimes say “no I’m not going to go to that event, I’m going to spend that time with you” let them see that you value them and your time together above all else.Switch OffOne of the main problems with relationships today is that we’re all only ever giving real life half of our attention. We get home from work and spend the evening glued to a screen. Even when we’re out with our partners or families, we’re constantly checking our notifications. Make a rule that phones and tablets go away after a certain time, and don’t always take them out with you. Give your real life your full, undivided attention, and you may all enjoy it a lot more.Try New ThingsDon’t get stuck in a pattern. We all need a routine when it comes to working and the school run, but you can still try new things. Go to new places, play a new game, listen to new music, try a new meal, anything different is something shared together and gives you something to talk about. If a relationship has come to an end this year, and you’re not happy about the decision, it doesn’t have to be the end. Make some changes and try to get your ex back, before it is too late. Relationships are one thing in life that it’s worth looking after. Whatever state yours is in, make 2018 the year it soars.

ABOUT FRANK

Frank Kermit MA, is an expert Relationship & Dating Coach with 15+ years of experience. He is an author of original content books, eBooks and audio products. he has written many publications online and in print. He is frequently asked to be a guest speaker for media and events.