I'd like to make a gift of a book or two to a 22yo man of my acquaintance whose girlfriend is due to deliver a baby girl in october. It was very much a surprise pregnancy and initially he did not want to keep the baby. Though he is now on board, he is having some understandable difficulty making the 180 degree switch from parent-supported college life to fatherhood. His girlfriend has very strong opinions about parenting and it creates a dynamic where he always seems to be cluelessly along for the ride. I'd like to give him something to read that will serve as a springboard for beginning to imagine who he would like to be as a father. Any suggestions?

Dh read and loved The Expectant Father by Brott and Ash. He found it to be an easy read that was funny without being condencending. It talked about everything to finding out about the pregnancy, roller coaster/conflicting emotions (in dad and mom), nutrition for mom, financial planning, balancing work/family...Lots of stuff. My only caution is that it's fairly mainstream, though leaning towards AP. It doesn't (as far as I remember) mention homebirth. It does mention cosleeping, and it does so non-judgementally. It openly advocates breastfeeding. The cio/non cio debate is totally sidestepped.

What about a big story book...no parent can poo poo reading to a baby...I was reading to mine from the time she popped out...at three months she would lay next to me on the flood and hold onto one of my ears while I read...that was the best...

I'm 28 and my SO is 21, I definitely wanted to find him something he'd feel comfortable with and wouldn't overwhelm him. I ended up buying Daddy Smarts, a guide for rookie fathers and he's really liked it. It has a easy, light, and humorous tone to it.

One of my guy friends had the Expectant Father book and really liked it and he's giving that to me to pass on to my SO.

Read and gift Elisha Cooper's latest book Crawling, a fathers first year. This memoir of parenting, the role of the father, will make you laugh and cry. Cooper writes about his first year experiences as a father, how society views parenting / dads. As a woman I could relate to his stories and also gain a better understanding on how my husband must have felt as well through the parenting transition.

I would recommend Dr. Sears' books, starting with the "Baby Book". Dr. William Sears is the father of 8 children himself, and in his many books he advocates breastfeeding (inclduing tandem nursing), co-sleeping, attachment parenting, baby slings etc.

His two oldest sons (both fathers themselves) are now in practice with him. They have just released a new book for expectant fathers. I haven't read it yet, but knowing their style and general philosophy, I think it will be a great help for your friend.

Also, while Dr. Sears is very AP, he is mainstream enough to be widely read and as well known in our generation as Dr. Spock was when I was growing up.

"Father’s First Steps, draws on the authors’ own experience as pediatricians and fathers to provide new dads-to-be with practical and reassuring advice on taking an active role in childcare and parenting. A baby brings great joy to a new father, but also, perhaps, a bit of uncertainty. For many men, fatherhood may seem like a new job for which they have had no training or experience. Father's First Steps offers reassuring, timeless advice to help dads-to-be prepare for and embrace their new role.

With an encouraging, light-hearted, and often humorous tone, the Searses highlight 25 important facets of becoming a dad and emphasize the rewards and pure joy that come with parenthood, offering guidance on issues such as supporting the mother during labor and birth, bonding with baby, taking time off from work after baby’s birth, deciphering baby’s cries, helping with housework, supporting the mother in breastfeeding, dealing with nighttime feedings and lack of sleep, getting help from other family members, being a good husband in addition to being a great dad, sex after baby, and more. Complete with stylish four-color illustrations throughout, Father’s First Steps is an engaging yet concise read. It’s a practical reference for dads-to-be in the months before baby is born, as well as for brand new dads during the nesting time at home right after baby’s birth. This inspiring read is the perfect gift for any new or expectant father"

HOWEVER... if there's ONE book a dad should read, especially to create a vision for his fatherhood, read PLAYFUL PARENTING by Lawrence Cohen. No skill so valuable or natural to a man, yet this book can help us all capture the spirit of how important play is to children.

Also: Connection Parenting... this is like a short, concise book with plenty of basic ideas that covers the gamut. It's like a bible to me. Very short, which may appeal to a guy or any busy parent.

And for some people, I would recommend: How To Really Love Your Child. It is written by a man, so it may appeal to a man. It is also a shorter book. It is written by a Christian, but doesn't come on too strong. The basic idea is that your may love your kids, but is that how they perceive it? It advocates all the things you should do before you decide on punishing your child. I don't even think he uses the word "spank" in it at all, instead talks about meeting the child's needs on every level before determining that misbehavior needs a punishment. It really drives home the idea of getting connected with your kids.