SLACK-POST SATURDAY

Every Saturday, we relax our rules. Artwork, GIFs, and image macros are all permitted for the day.

Not everything goes though: you still can't upload NSFW, ask for hookups/meetups, show disrespect towards other users or advertise anything at all. Read more here.

SELF-POST SUNDAY

Every Sunday, you can submit text posts only.

This allows for a break from all of the link posts during the week, so the community can share their stories and talk with each other. Naturally, we are less strict regarding the removal of text posts.

Just another story from a faceless entity (Unless you hang out in trees chat! Come smoke with us :D) but I thought I would share the story with you guys. Like it, or leave it, we are all entitled to our own opinions.

Background Story: So, I met this girl at a bar a few weeks ago. Not much happened that night, just some light flirting and friendly gestures. At the end of the night we start talking about my favorite herb of choice and exchange numbers for a later toke sesh. She's way cute, seems fun, independent and put together.

We ended up texting quite a bit over the next couple weeks, mostly just small talk and getting to know each other a bit. We come to the conclusion that we are both interested in each other but don't think it would work between the two of us. That's completely fine with me, I have a lot of close friends that are girls and this one was a lot of fun to hang out with and I'd totally still be down to be friends and chill.

Judgement Day On Saturday, I had a little wake and bake, big home-made brunch and watched a lot of college football. After that all settled I decided it was time to load up a couple bong bowls and destroy some Metroid on the Wii. I work 40+ hours a week and this already made for an awesome, relaxing Saturday.

Around 10 I get a text that said:

I have a blunt and a cunt waiting for you. ;)

Whhaaaaat?!??! This must not be meant for me... right?

I was flying around a [6] at this time and my mind just 'sploded. I text her back cautiously and tell her that she must have sent that to the wrong person. She immediately text back and told me that it was definitely meant for me and that just because we are "just friends" doesn't mean we can't be "bene-friends". I don't like toying with peoples emotions or dealing with crazy stalker ex-girlfriends, so I do a little recon interrogation mission and make sure this legit.... To my utter surprise all is good, and I get the go ahead to steal home. I'm diving in head first.

This is really happening... She's hot... ...This was way too easy... It was handed to me on a silver fucking platter... ...She's got the herp-a-cyph-al-aids doesn't she... ... ...problem?

I'm driving over to her place and I'm already trying to think of things to say, what I should mull over, and how I can do this with the least amount of awkwardness as possible (remember this is just the 1st time we are hanging out after I met her at the bar). I am also mulling over excuses about why I would have to leave afterward. (I have some social anxiety issues and if it's just a booty call then I don't want to have to deal with the anxiety afterward.) I show up and evvvvvverything went better than expected.

Take that, mindtroll!

I knock on the door and she is wearing a football jersey and black boy-shorts... that's it.

Boing! Fap fap fap.

Before I get in the door she is already lighting the blunt and shot-gunning it into my mouth.

She pulls me inside by my collar, slams the door behind me and pins me against the door. We are all over each other & all over the living room. We finally notice that her balcony door is open and people were walking by.

"I think they see you raping me. ;)"

We laughed and decided to spark up the blunt. After we lit that up it was a blissful blur, for the most part, of smoking & sexing.

As I was taking the last hit of the blunt she promptly stood up, grabbed my hand and lead me into the bedroom.

Well I'm glad I wore my business socks, because it looks like it's business time.

We sex sex sexed and then I ended up passing out at some point. I woke up around 11, (because of my rigid work schedule I neeeeeever sleep in any more, 8 o'clock and my eyes are wide open...) I must have been a happy and very content man to sleep that late.

Hm, no morning-wood, she must have tuckered the poor guy out!

She rolls over wearing just the boy-shorts now. She tells me to go back to sleep she is going to make breakfast.

I can't help but stare. The best kind of jiggle in all the right places... wait? breakfast?? fuck yeah!

Buuuut there's a hitch. :-/ I've got plans at noon that I can not break. I need to get out and if memory serves me correctly there is usually a conversation and awkward talk the next morning. So again I am inside my head scheming how I can get out and cleaned up before I have to meet up with everyone at noon.

I don't want her to feel like I'm smoking, fucking, and leaving... This was fun... I want to do it again... I need to keep things kosher... but minimal... ...Where did my fucking underwear go??

She finally comes back into the room still wearing just her skivvies and lays on top of me.

She has rendered me defenseless. Well, I always have time for some morning sex right? :)

She goes for the neck but abruptly jumps off of me.

too. much. teasing. ...can't. resist. that. booty. Agggghhhhh!!!

Confused I start to sit up and I realized she had rolled a breakfast blunt and conveniently put it on my chest while mouth attacking my neck.

I'm so torn now! Bluntfest in bed?? Do I still get morning sex? What has she done to me?... ...This doesn't happen in real life... What a fucking cruel joke... if I am dreaming I might go on a zombie-brain feeding fest... ... ... ::M I N D F U C K E D::

She grabs my hand and helps me up out of the bed, gives me a kiss, slaps my bare ass and tells me to get my clothes and get out. "I'll call you next time I'm feeling fiesty."

I.. err... uh... I'm free to go?... She'll call me next time?... Is she the man in this relationship... I thought I was supposed to be saying those things... But I... ???... I don't have to find an excuse to leave?... ...Will you smack my ass again?

I am about ten times confused and happy all in the same brainwave. I cloth myself (still missing my underwear), return her ass smack and gave her a wink and I was on my way.

tl;dr: I met a girl, she booty called me, we smoked a blunt, sexed up. In the morning she rolled me a breakfast blunt, smacked my ass, and told me to get out. She was strictly business and I liked it.

I think it's interesting how sexual liberation is so attractive. Just because one is sexually liberated doesn't mean they will have sex with anybody. Although, they would be the type. It's a bit mixed up.

Ha, as a woman the booty call is important. if Both smoke even Better. But as we all know a kiss is not a contract, but its very nice. But a smack on the ass and a gtfo means job well done. This is an arrangement that is preferred lol.

Well I'm glad that you ladies see things the same way we wang swingers do. Some times the urge must be itched.

I feel like male and female are a lot more similar than our society likes to thing but because of culture and social roles that have been present since before Mike Tyson was nibbling on ears as a toddler we have negatively impacted that relation.

Ive been to dallas once, and that was to cruise thru at 3am trying to do a resuce mission to Topeka KS which my I suggest to NEVER go there. Took one wrong turn and ended up in BFE being intimadated by a school called WHITE BREAD SCHOOL FOR BOYS........and theyre weed sucks, its like drinking decaf coffee, all of the flavor non of the perks. =D Me and a few other redditors are going to Texas Renaissance Festial for halloween weekend and camping. Your ore than welcome to join, its a huge freaking paster party after faire with drinking galore.

You know the feelings when you are ripped off your cunt trying to concentrate on a mundane task (such as reading a story) and you kind of hold your breath and lean forward without realising it, and then towards the end of the task you realise and have a giggle at yourself for being so stoned, well I just did it and I'm [0] at the moment.

it's good to be the king! there are some badass chicks on this glorious mudball and you found one. enjoy the ride! one day i'll tell you about the lesbian couple i lived with who taught me how to roll optimos. today, it's hail to the king, baby!

good god. so many plot holes. you go from her lighting the blunt before you can even get in the door, to her waiting to spark it til after you guys notice that the balcony is open. you never addressed whether you smoked the alleged "breakfast blunt". all this being said... i don't necessarily not believe you. so right on buddy, sounds like an awesome time.