They can be genius... One of my friends has dreadlocks, someone fraped him saying he'd gotten lice and was gonna cut them off. Everyone believed it, I only met him a few weeks later and had told a load of people... he was not a happy man

If someone ever left their facebook logged on, here's what I would write:

"Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know that I'm going through a real tough time in my life right now. It feels like the weight of my life is bearing down on me and I don't know how I'll be able to cope with it. So, if anyone wants to be a great friend and give me a call and help talk me through this, I would be so very grateful."

And then I would laugh maniacally as said person receives a flood of phone calls from people giving emotional support.

I would remove them from any current relationship they are in, open up a new tab and create a profile named "Person's Hand" or "Palmella" and then put them in a relationship with eachother. Best wank joke to date.

I always used to do one of two things. Either I would change their language to Mandarin so they couldn't figure out how to do anything (including change it back), or I would set every privacy setting to "Only me" so no one would see or respond to any pictures or statuses they posted afterwards, leaving them to wonder why they were so lonely.