In a shop: - Give me a roll of toilet paper. - What color would you like? - White please, I will color it myself… ​ - Hi, John! I have heard that you died three times already! - Hmm, but you’re no better – you haven’t come to any of my funerals. ​ Could you fax over a copy? No, I can‘t fax because of where I live. Where do you live? The 21st century. ​ Get a life - I’ve heard they’re cheap now on eBay Thanks to Blaine Zernechel.
April fool’s day If there are hopeless fools, then there should also be fools, which give hope.
As experience shows, its easier to fool somebody on a regular day, rather than on April 1st.
Question: can a joke, played on April 1st, become a present for the New Year? Answer: yes, as theres exactly 9 months period.
Valentines Day The best thing of being my own date for Valentines Day is knowing Im guaranteed to score.
Christmas gift Dear Santa, Please do not leave my gift under the Christmas tree. Drive it straight into the garage.
Christmas tree - I left my girlfriend a Christmas gift under the Christmas tree. - Is she happy? -Not yet, still looking for it. The forest is large, lots of trees.

Funny relationship jokes - wonderful wife Single guys often dream of having a wise, beautiful and caring wife. But married guys think about it even more often.​
Adult jokes - in a bus Conversation in a bus: - You know, yesterday in a bus your wife told me such a great joke that I almost fell out of the bed.
Profession jokes - executioner An interview with an executioner: - So, how long have you been working in this job? - Well, around 10 years… - And how are you doing there? - Well. no one complained so far.
Daily life jokes - Boy, do you pray before you eat? - No, why should I - my mom is a good cook.​
Jokes about dating - magazine The announcement in a magazine: in the next issue we will be writing about to make your boyfriend a little nervous with the help of a marker and a pregnancy test. ​ ​ Daily life situations - in the cafe - Waiter, there’s a bee in my soup! - Yes sir, the fly has a day-off​
Profession joke - A priest A priest tells the prayers: - We have one good news and one – bad ones. The good thing is that we have money for the repair of the church. The bad one – the money are still in your pockets.