A soul set on a project to search. A wandering for all that is lost and all that remains. A lost love. A lost heart or the meaning of itself.A lost soul.

Author: Lost soul

A simple one with complicated thought process ..I write to seek answers, I write to seek what is missing. I write because it makes me calm. I write because I am not completely lost,not yet found. I, am wandering. Writing comes naturally, in the heat of most passionate moments, either of happiness or utter sadness.

Life? What exactly is life? There is so much more in life then what we see. Life is beyond people we think are important, but they are not. Life is something we need to live and not just breathe.
There is a reason we are humans, else insects are breathing too.

A little late, but I am realising this. And learning the lessons of life bit by bit, new chapters each day. Life is about turning pages and trying to revise what we learned from the previous chapter.

Life is like different seasons and I thought it will always be harsh as winters. I forgot that it rains too. That flowers bloom after the winters. That spring comes in the city and it’s green and pink and red and yellow. Life is beautiful with or without any one. Life is something we need to look within us and instead of creating home outside, create a home within. Do not seek what you can find inside, and I am learning this.

It hurts in the nights still, but next day sun will rise and it will shine again making that pain go numb. And it will disappear soon.

Night will be there but it will see a new dawn too, because that is inevitable. The ultimate truth is this, that the earth will still revolve and rotate and it can not be Night always. Or winter. And when we feel we are completely shattered, we start healing again. Life is about picking those shattered pieces, put them back, throw the useless one out, and make a masterpiece out of them again.

I learned this, I am still learning this. That’s why I am wandering. That’s why I am still, and everyone in one way or other is a lost soul, trying to find out what’s in life. Moving, falling, shattering, learning, healing but over all, living.

Life goes on with or without anyone. Life doesn’t stop for anyone. Really? Is that so? Well life actually stops. I mean right, you live your life, you can’t stop doing that but there is something that’s missing and you can’t really help it. You miss the presence of that one person in your life. That person keeps on revolving in your mind day and night and midnight.

You wake up suddenly and there is this pain, you can’t help but cry. Because even in your sleep your mind kept wandering and reaching out to those parts you tried to hide somewhere. They reach out to you and then the wounds and it hit you exactly in the guts and you feel helpless and broke. You can’t do anything about it.

Life moves on. Right. It’s just you that stops and stuck and shackled.

Even though I came back, I can’t return completely because I just can not. Though I won’t stop trying.

And I will keep on fighting each day with myself.
I don’t need anybody but me and I am learning this each day.

Like the sun and the moon and the star, I will Shine with my own light and I will have my heat and I will burn this world to ashes…to create my own.

Till then I will be Me..and I am enough.. I will be there..and I will find me..
Until then
I am

When you are broken and broken beyond repair, you are hurt and are in despair. But loving that someone doesn’t change. Being broken into so many pieces and still loving that same person is something way beyond the control of heart. I always hear people saying move on, it’s okay. Leave. But what’s the point in letting go and moving on from that one person you felt you gave your soul to? How could you just move on from that love that you felt is eternal? And that is unexplainable. How broken you feel, how bad it hurts, you just keep holding on and somehow that is giving you purpose to live and to breathe and to exist.

You let yourself break to the saturation of breaking and it’s okay. It’s okay to be hurt. I know making any one person that much important is not a good thing but why not? I say. You loved that person and now just because that person isn’t loving you back you leave that love? It’s not called one sided love, it’s just love & it’s loving that person from a distance, and that is completely fine.
Does a poet ever stop admiring moon because the moon doesn’t respond to his words? No,right. Then how can one person stop loving another when it’s a connection beyond explanation. A connection that is felt and have no words.

I somehow have learned to live and to move forward, taking the pieces with me and no matter what I will carry them.
If that’s how it is then it is. And there are days when it will hurt like hell but then what’s the purpose of even living when you can’t accept the pain of your broken pieces? You tend to love and live in that one person. And I am doing just that. Because somehow you can’t Unlove, somehow that’s how it is meant to be.

And here I am again with all the boggling thoughts.

Thank you for being so patient and reading.

I am broken to be healed, I am lost to be found. And I will be found, till then.. let me be..

I don’t know what to say, where to start. It’s been so many days I was away. It’s kind of strange feeling when I am typing. Oh I missed this. The blog. To write. All of you.
I need to apologise for the break I took. I thought it was the end but it wasn’t. And I am back here. I am sorry for not responding. I am sorry for stupid me. But I needed it. I needed to be away so bad.

Everything isn’t sorted yet but I am sure it will. In time. Time won’t heal I still believe that but then even though it’s not healing it’s making me believe that the pain will go. Even if it won’t it’s okay I will have the strength to bear that. To go on and moving forward with that pain.

It’s spring season. Our life is just like these seasons isn’t it?
Like winters we feel piercing cold inside our souls, someone’s presence or absence like rain? The ache like burning hot summer and then the hope of everything to be better like blooming of flowers again…

I wish to have blossoming flowers once again, I want to dance in the rain again, I want to live again.

I can’t thank enough of all the people who reached out to me and stood by me in the time I needed them the most. And those too who tried to gave me some Karma preachings.. thank you too.

I can’t name all but who are close to my heart, knows it and to them a big hug and lots of love.

I am here to stay. I am here to write. I am here to search for my answers I am here to Learn. Yes I am here and I won’t leave.

I am lost but I will find and I know I will..

Till then
Let it be
Let me be

The Lost Soul

PS: The credit of this beautiful blooming flower goes to my dearest Diana.. she is one of my biggest strength. An angel to me. My backbone. I love you Di ❤️

My life is going on a roller coaster ride these days. There is so much going inside my head and my heart with a tornado constantly taking me up inside. I am giving up. I just can’t take it anymore.
There’s so much in life we tend to ignore. Life is more than this. Life is more than love. Life is more than him. Okay, I get it. But for me he is my life. Period.
There is nothing more important for me than him and that’s the truth I can’t ignore. And that’s the thing I can’t explain.
My life is a living hell these days. I am struggling to survive and I am exhausted of existing.I feel that I can’t write anything but love and pain. I am tired of hearing that Time will heal. Fuck. Time is killing me.

It’s over for me.

There are moments in a day when I just start crying and I can’t stop. Sometimes at nights I start screaming. And I am tired of anyone not hearing them.

It’s the end. For me.

I am finally giving up everything. I guess for a while. There is nothing I can write/or think/ or do.

This is a goodbye to you all. I wish I could come back. I will try.

Is this a break or not? I don’t know.

There I lay..like my dreams…in pieces..shattered..

I am giving up on me.

This pain will end..only when I end.

This lost soul is lost forever and it can not be found.
I tried and I tried and I am still..

I don’t mind the day you know. Though it’s not easy to wake up without knowing the feeling that you aren’t in my life anymore. But then it’s okay. I don’t mind waking up to another day to breathe and to live.. to try at least to exist, somehow in a way.Been trying that since the day you left. Counting the infinite seconds that went by without listening to your voice. How in love you used to call me and we would talk for hours straight.
Now all I have is to wait.
To wait for this clock to stop clicking. To wait for this heart to stop beating. But it clicks and I, well here I am.. still..
Days just went by, but nights. I dread the nights. The moment I see the sun setting beyond that horizon, a darkness start creeping up my mind and my heart is in a haze.Nights make me weak, it makes me vulnerable. Nights are tormenting, they make me miss all those nights we spent under the moon, in the rains. I see the stars in the sky and I miss your twinkling eyes. I see the moon in the clouds and miss your bright face. I see you among them. And I see us beneath. Embraced. Entangled. And then the whole world comes crashing down because all this while it was just me, trying to search for you. Trying to look out for you once more. May be I will see you. Or you will find me.

Looking at our pictures. A shiver went down my spine. I realised this will never happen again. This was something in the past, this isn’t happening in the present, how anguishing is the thought the chances of these pictures are not there in the future. You and me together. Happy. Will
You hold me like that? Will you pick me up in your arms one more time? Please? Will you please come back? I will hold you. I promise I won’t leave. I promise I won’t let you go. Because I just can’t. I can’t. You said you will stay. You said you won’t leave. But you didn’t. But you left.

You hated my tears didn’t you? They never appeared before you. Now they won’t go. Please come baby, make them stop. It hurts. It hurts so much.

I want to hate you. Hate you so much. Oh but I just can not. Because my love for you is stronger than any other feeling. My love for you will always be more than hate. Will you come? Will you be here? I don’t know.I have questions so many, answers none. Answers, I don’t want to know. I will stay though, I am staying. I will wait. I will wait for you to come till In the Desert.. it will snow.

They feared him
Not uttering a word
When he roared
The World Bowed
Silence creeping out the bones
Mouths shut
Eyes low
And among them
there he saw
Her.
Charismatic
Attractive
Fire in her eyes
Seeing through him
And his eyes
Drilling deep into his soul
Like a thunder
She was lightening
A gleam
His heart was shuddering
Looking at her ecstatic face
Something in him flickered..
Love?
It can not be
He is made for everything
But love
Oh! But there was something
Staggering about her.

Thoughts
Deep
In a trance
Quiet in his room
Putting that weight aside
His mind went on a ride
His heart beats collide
There she was
Again
The hands which were heavy
With the gun
Wanted to hold
A pen
To write for her
His Poetry
They wanted to hold
A brush
To draw her
His painting
Oh he did!
Eyes closed
He drew her
An outline
On the canvas
Intricately
Like she was there
Alive
His angel
His love
He is in love
The world haven’t seen
Yet,
This side
The angry face
Learning to smile
Thinking of her
All this while
It is love?
What else it can be?
Yes, he is in love
The thorn
Will have a rose
The black will turn white
From darkness into light
Yes he is in love
Love did find him
The enigmatic met the ecstatic
So called devil
Met an angel
His emotions melting
Like saccharine
Jasper, not anymore
The Black Thorn Klein.