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British burglars protest against Chilean gang

British burglars today delivered a petition to the Prime Minister demanding British burglars for British homes in the wake of the ‘burglary tourism’ scandal. After a Chilean gang of burglars were discovered to be behind hundreds of break-ins across Britain, the motley crew of British breakers, enterers, tea-leaves and all-round ne’er-do-wells joined forces to raise their normally low profile. They descended on Downing Street, via a short stop at high-end stationers Smythsons of Bond Street, who unbeknownst to them, kindly made a ‘donation’ to ensure the petition was signed on the highest quality paper.

Burglar Bill, the Guv’nor of the Guild of British Burglars (GOBB), expressed sympathy for the victims of the Chilean gang. “The last thing anyone wants is to get home and find their antiques, expensive clothes and cash have gone walkies. But to then discover they’ve been robbed by scum from South America, that’s adding insult to injury. People want to be done over by good-old British scum and we’re here to make sure there’ll always be British burglars for British homes.”

“Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the lady of the house is in, but it’s all right, Monkey Alan’s got it covered,” he continued as one of the gang was seen scaling the building and climbing though a first floor window with the petition tucked under his arm, but was then chastised by his comrades for emerging empty-handed. He was heard to say “Looks like the place has been done already – the cabinet is split in half, there’s only left-foot shoes and I can’t see a single pound of that £350 million!”