Friend Zone to Friends with Benefits

What’s your gender? WomanHow old are you? 48What’s your race/ethnicity? White / CaucasianWhat continent do you live on? North AmericaWhat country and/or city do you live in? USAHighest education received: High school diplomaWhat’s your occupation? HousewifeWhat’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)Religious affiliation: ChristianHow religious are you? SomewhatWhat’s your sexual orientation? HeterosexualHow many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15

Friend Zone to Friends with Benifits

How long ago did this hookup happen? 15 years

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Friends-with-benefits

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Robert is a handsome black man. He and his wife Mary were are neighbors in base housing. Mary and I became very good friends due to our husbands were away because of their duties. We belonged to a card club, on a bowling team together, and looked after each other’s children. She even motivated me to exercise and get back into shape as I had just given birth to my daughter. We became very close and talked about everything.
I liked Robert, I found him charming. He was always there to help when my husband was away. To be honest at first I never thought about him in a sexual way, but Mary used to tell me how he always pestering her for sex and she was never in the mood. Once she told me that she loved him but wished that he’d find someone to fulfill those needs of his. I found this odd as I was beginning to get my libido back and was frequently alone as my husband was usually gone 2 weeks a month.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My normal night time routine was to get the children off to bed, watch a little TV and then take the dogs out to do their business. I’d sit on our picnic table and have a cigarette while the dogs roamed as we didn’t have a fence.
I guess that Robert noticed me one night and came over to talk. I enjoyed his company and we really had some nice talks and got to know each other very well. This part of our relationship lasted for a little over a year and I began to feel awkward as I was hearing and becoming familiar with both sides of their marriage, it was sort of like being a voyeur into their lives and both of them confided more and more personal things to me.
One very hot summer night I was wearing an old nightie, it wasn’t very sexy, but it was worn and had been washed so times that it was almost transparent. Robert walked over and I guess that he was going to leave because he could see most of my body and didn’t want to embarrass me but I told him to sit and talk.
He commented on how good I looked and that my exercising really was going good as I looked like I’d never had children. I told him that it was all due to Mary’s coaching and keeping motivated, that my husband was happy with the results but he wished that I would not have let my bush grow back in. He told me that he preferred the natural look, it was more that he wanted a woman and not a girl.
Well that night’s conversation got very sexual, his frustrations, my loneliness, I asked if he wanted a beer and he said yes, so I put the dogs in the house and brought out two for us. I asked him if Mary wondered where he was and he said that she was asleep already.
We talked some more and I asked him if he really did like a full bush and he said oh yes, and for the life of me I don’t know why but I lifted up my nightie and showed him mine and asked if he liked as hairy as mine. Things just escalated from there and we fucked.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? That first time we had sex, he did me doggy style over the picnic table, even though it was rushed, it felt great.
The next night we sat there, we didn’t say much, it was an awkward silence. Then we both said how we’d keep this to ourselves as we didn’t want to hurt our spouses and we kept up appearances for about a month, before we found ourselves in bed again.
The sex with him was great and it became easier for me to put away my guilty feelings. Mary told me that Robert had changed and was not pestering her and while that she was happy that life wasn’t so stressful, she was sure that he was fucking some little bitch at work. My husband was happy as when he was home I was always ready to make love to him.
Robert was an enthusiastic lover, I learned to talk during sex because he would ask me if I liked something or if it felt good for me. I was the quiet type before him, but found it easier to communicate my needs to him. Maybe because I never woke up in the morning with him or my expectations were different. One thing is that he always finished inside of me, first because it all happened so quickly, after that because I liked they way it felt, especially if we hadn’t had sex in awhile. Even if he was gentle he always came in powerful deep thrusts and then collapse and sometimes sob. It made me feel very powerful earth mother. I also had at least one orgasm every time we had sex.
It ended when they got orders and moved away, I didn’t have much time to mope as we got orders shortly afterwards moved too.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Like I said I felt guilty in the beginning but then knowing how Mary felt about having sex I got over it. In fact I looked forward to our meetings.
Neither of us were looking for a relationship, we talked about that, what we both needed was a release for our pent up desires. It wasn’t like we were sneaking off and doing it every night, many times we just talked.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Cervical Cap and Spericide

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Great sex.
When I didn’t want to have sex he didn’t pout about it or perssure me.
I learned a lot about what turned me on, to communicate what I liked, and strangley enough to be more open.
I have had sex several different times outside my marriage after this but my husband knew about it.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That I’ve had to kept it secret.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? made me a lot more understanding and less selfish. I never comprehended urges, I thought it was whooey.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Yes, I am still a friend of Mary, and while her and Robert are not married anymore, I am still married and quite happily too.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I know that I can have sex and it doesn’t affect the way that I feel about my husband.
I don’t know what can be changed, society is a funny creature. Casual sex is and always been around but we seem to make it a taboo.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Thank you for a forum for getting something off my chest