Help for Families: My husband doesn't want our baby

August 18, 2013|By Kathy Lauer-Williams, Of The Morning Call

Q: I have been married for 9 years and have a daughter. Things were fine between my husband and me but since I became pregnant with our second child, my husband has been getting angry at me and our daughter. To me, it feels like he doesn't want this baby. Our daughter is starting to say things about daddy being mad. I really want things to work out, but I worry I am being a bad mother by staying in this environment.

A: Is there anything else that could be causing your husband to be angry? asks the Help for Families panel. "What other changes have you noticed," asks panelist Michael Daniels.

Is he the breadwinner? Daniels wonders. Was this baby planned? Is there any substance abuse?

"Your pregnancy seems to have triggered some stressors," she says. "He may be stressed out about having another baby, but acting out in anger is really inappropriate."

Having a second baby does add more stress and responsibility to a family, Daniels says.

"You move to Mars when you have one baby, but you move to Pluto when you have two," he says.

He applauds your commitment to your family. "You are being a good mother by asking questions," he says.

"Approach your husband in a quiet time," he adds. "Say 'I've notice you seem to be stressed.' Don't mention anger or yelling. Just have a conversation and approach him in a loving way. Say 'I'm worried about you.' Focus on him."

Couples often go through tough transition in marriages during the 7th to 10th years.

Consider talking to your pastor or getting counseling, Freedman says. "You want your pregnancy to be as stress-free and peaceful as possible."

You can join an expectant moms group for some peer support, Daniels says.

You could talk to one of his friends and ask if he has noticed any changes in your husband, Freedman suggest.

You also could talk to his family but be careful if he has any violent tendencies, Daniels says

If you ever feel threatened, contact Turning Point, the panel says. Turning Point's 24-hour helpline at 610-437-3369 also is available for advice or to report abuse.

Also have an escape plan in place, Freedman says. Have a place to go such as your mom's or a friends, if you ever feel physically threatened.

Make sure you are attending to your daughter's needs, Daniels says.

"Talk to her and ask her to give you as much information as she can without drilling her," he says. "She loves both her mom and dad."