Newspapers are dying. That's the word on the street. You may have read about it in the newspapers, because newspapers are not shy about telling people that they're dying. It's our dominant narrative. A famous media expert was recently quoted as saying that he figured that the last newspaper on earth would be printed in 2043. I'm just guessing here, but I imagine he pulled that date out of his ear or some other orifice.

Well, that's journalism. Sure made for a catchy quote.

Eric Alterman picked up that prediction and ran with it in a recent article in the New Yorker, a print-based publication. His article was about, oh yes, the death of newspapers. I agree that newspapers are dying; I just think they're committing suicide. Buck up, writers of prose! Your self-pity is beginning to get on everybody's nerves.

Of course newspapers do not occupy the dominant news position that they used to. It is useful to remember that nothing occupies the dominant news position that newspapers did. What we have here is fragmentation. What we have here are niches. Television news operations are firing people too. Radio has basically given up except for NPR, which was helped by a $70 gazillion bequest by the McDonald's heiress. Sylvia Poggioli, brought to you by Big Mac.

And then there is the Internet, that niche of niches. It is composed of a hundred million Web sites, very few of which make money. Indeed, if you're not peddling porn or poker or stock market tips, you're going to find making a profit very difficult. But, of course, in the future, when this darn economic model gets worked out, the survivors of the Darwinian online struggle will be raking in the cash, somehow. Maybe. Once we persuade people who are getting stuff for free to pay for it.

Of course, the Internet is very cheap. Start a blog that supports your business; spend next to nothing. But "cheap" is not the same as "profitable." If the problem with newspapers is that they're not profitable, then Web sites have the same problem. The Internet is dying! We'll have to rely on cave paintings!

But of course newspapers are profitable. The San Jose Mercury News, which used to be a fabulous newspaper, was profitable when it started making staff cuts and was profitable when it made more staff cuts and is still profitable now. It just wasn't profitable enough. Screw the readers; kiss up to the stockholders. The New York Times just announced a round of buyouts, and it's making money too.

Cutting staff is the universal solvent. Firing is fun, provided someone else is doing it. Oh, and be sure to humiliate the ex-employees on the way out. Looming security guards - always a good idea.

There's a subsidiary trend in newspapers these days, Internet Fear. These are the barbarians who are coming for our women; best to spread rumors. The New York Times had a front-page story Sunday about how technology bloggers are all falling over dead. This scientific inquiry was based on a sample size of three. It's true, blogging about certain topics is competitive and stressful, and stress is not good for your health.

The news is going to be all digital; that's what we hear. If current trends continue ... but current trends never continue. That is their nature. Newspapers still have all the advantages they used to have. They're portable, and if someone steals a newspaper, so what? If someone steals your laptop, not so good. Each copy of a newspaper contains an enormous amount of information; no links of dubious authenticity to follow. Plus: no viruses! Of course newspapers will change; newspapers have always changed. At the moment, the idea seems to be to change newspapers by making them less useful and more stupid. This is the suicide of which I speak.

But there's something else. Newspapers and other print-based journals are still the content providers. They're the ones still employing the reporters. They're the ones who think it's important to cover, not just Obama-Clinton and sex scandals and gossip, but what's going on at Army hospitals and how India is cozying up to Burma and what science has discovered about the pancreas.

Newspapers are the original aggregators; Web sites mostly just aggregate what the newspapers have already aggregated, plus opinion. Opinion is useful, sometimes funny, sometimes incisive, but it ain't no good without data. Newspapers are the fountainhead of data. We do the necessary job - well, not me, but real journalists. And we do it because we are trained to do it. We have, dare I say it, standards.

It is, of course, easy to make fun of the Mainstream Media - and there's much to make fun of. But for every misguided or risible or error-filled article, there are dozens of other articles, filled with stuff you didn't know and won't find anywhere else. We are the linchpin of civilization, the jewel on the pillow of the First Amendment, and if we stand tall and keep working, everything will be fine. You have my word on that.

Flash: There are still many newspapers in the nation, and they are not going away.