This is the cat who is super into “Lifehacking” and “Inbox Zero” and he is always like, “I have zero emails in my inbox or whatever” and you are like, “SHUT UP CAT IF I WANT TO HAVE A MILLION EMAILS THAT I FORGOT TO DEAL WITH THEN THAT IS MY RIGHT AS AN AMERICAN.”

The thing that this dog does is that he is literally incapable of not remarking on what you are looking at when he walks past your computer screen. “Oh, Facebook, huh?” “Yes, dude. I am looking at Facebook. Nailed it in one.”

This dog marks every email “high importance.” You are like, “Really, dog? So what you are suggesting is that we all need to track down Bruce Willis and a team of gritty, deep-core drillers and bustle them onto a rocket ship RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT because you think you noticed a typo in that memo that already went out?”