Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Crying in Public

On Tuesdays, I move from my blog niche (that's the fancy term for writing a blog about a particular subject) of organizing and order to an off topic post.

Usually, that post is about a topic that I feel strongly about, like kids with exceptionalities, and I speak from my heart. But I distance it from myself a bit. I don't get too personal.

Today, I'm getting personal.

Lately, I've been crying in public.

I'm not saying that my eyes water and I choke back tears. No, that would be fine.

I mean wailing, sobbing, uncontrollable crying, complete with confessions of whatever happens to bother me at the moment.

And right now, there is a lot bothering me.

My youngest kid is struggling. He is getting in trouble at school, dealing with seizures, and finding coping with life difficult.

I've had some health scares. I'm fine, but I have to work out regularly and eat better. Those tasks take commitment, time, and planning. It's exhausting sometimes.

I'm not sleeping well or eating well.

So when the school calls about yet another behavior incident, I burst into sobs. When I go to Mass, I weep in the pews. If anything the least bit emotional happens, I lose myself to the tears.

It needed to change.

I'm not one to sit back and just let it happen, so I am facing the problem head on. Here's how I am dealing with crying in public, in case it helps someone else.

Seek Treatment

I called and made an appointment with a mental health specialist. I am now in therapy and getting meds to help me cope.

Make Peace

There are a couple of people who I cannot avoid and must interact with, but they have hurt my feelings lately, so I find myself crying during or after any interactions with them. I made appointments with the people. At the very least, I can at least say that my feelings were hurt and I'd like to find a way to move forward. If I am really lucky, I'll repair the relationships.

But if I try and fail, at least I won't feel guilty when I cry over their actions.

Move More

I'm working out at least two out of every three days. That creates a boost in mood.

Do Pleasant ThingsI enjoy walks outdoors, reading novels, and chatting with friends. I'm scheduling more of that and less of things that I hate doing.

Accept Sympathy

I'm a smart lady. I realize that none of this is the answer to my problem. I'll still lose control and cry in public sometimes. But I'll let my friends listen and comfort me.

I am determined to get over the embarrassment of this new, overwhelming symptom and live my life, instead of hiding! I am a strong woman and refuse to let depression keep me locked inside my house.

If you are struggling with depression or some other form of mental illness, seek help.

Crying in public, for me, was the breaking point that pushed me to seek help. I hope you don't get there.

23 comments:

Anonymous
said...

Oh, do I identify with this. With me, it's hormonal - now worse that I'm coming upon 'the change'. Last week I got so frustrated peeling the shell off a hard boiled egg over the pail that I violently smushed it in my fingers (and scratched my knuckle to where it bled in the process) then put my head against the wall and cried. At WORK (boss wasn't there). Called hub and told him I was defeated by an egg. It was a stupid, trivial thing, but it made me bawl, however I have also succumbed to the weight of more serious issues that I've kept bottled up. We all have to deal with it in our own way, but recognizing it and seeking out solutions are the two very first important steps. Hugs and prayers to you, Kristie.

I love your blog, thanks. Sorry to hear of your troubles currently facing you. I just wanted to share my friend's story with you as it's similar to yours. She had the same symptoms as you describe (depression, crying at the drop of a hat, not sleeping well, nausea, difficulty dealing with stress and many more). Anyway she's 40 and it turned out after some blood and saliva hormone checks she's in peri-menopause. Some balancing of her hormones with bio-identical hormones made all the difference. Not medical advice, but if we ladies spread the word and discuss this often avoided topic it may just help others as many women in their 40's do not even consider this as the cause of their symtoms. Good luck to you and thanks for sharing.

It's funny you would write this now. I've been struggling with peri-menopause symptoms for the last several years. It's been really tough and I've done plenty of crying myself. Anyway, it's gotten so bad I finally made a psychiatrist appointment for later this month. I need help with my adhd. I've always been able to cope with it in the past but none of those strategies are working. The combination of adhd and menopause is kicking my butt. However, I was thinking about canceling the appointment. I don't want to take more meds and I keep thinking I'm doing better. Your post made me think twice about that.

Also, I'm really sorry about the stuff you're going through. I know exactly how that feels and it's tough.

I love the other comments here. They partly say what I want to say while also offering fresh food for thought. First off, I do really like your blog. I have picked up so many great tips from you and I use a totally different type of planner (bound day per page). Secondly, I am sorry you're feeling overwhelmed and down. -Awhile back I was really depressed -more due to hormonal issues, but in my head I blamed my short comings and everyone else. I remember standing in line in the hallway at my daughters preschool to pick her up and I started crying right there in front of all the other parents. They hurried to get my daughter to me so I could get out of there. Ugh, even thinking back on that moment I cringe! Not to mention the years of crying in the car, in the shower, on the couch, in bed at night. It helps to list the steps that need to be taken to get yourself through this temporary period. You seem to have a good sense of what those steps are for you. You'll come out stronger when you're through this tunnel. I'm not a great writer and I tried to keep this brief. Thanks for sharing this.

I am so touched by these comments, all within a few hours of this post. I know I'm not alone, but hearing it from people is like getting a hug.

I am 40, so my doctors have checked for menopause, and that's not it for me. But I'm glad you brought attention to it, Anonymous, because women should rule out all medical problems before getting on anti-depressants. I did so and I would encourage anyone struggling to do so.

Patti (Homemakersdaily), my therapist said I am a high-functioning depressive person, because I'm already doing all the recommended behavioral changes. Knowing you, I bet you are the same with your ADHD. Doing all the interventions and none of them really working!

If it would help at all, rather than feel like yet another obligation on your calendar, I'd like to suggest scheduling a 15-minute weekly video chat between us. I consider you to be one of my close friends, and it's perhaps an unfortunate and lazy, but altogether fixable trait of our modern technological landscape to go weeks, months, even years without physically laying eyes on the people we interact with regularly.

Even if seeing my handsome mug once a week would do little to alleviate any stress you might be feeling, it would help me with my own problems stemming from an increased detachment from social circles and the outside world. Let me know, and I'll have someone on my staff set up the whosy-whatsits required to put us digitally face-to-face once a week to chat about...whatever we want! Hell, we could reestablish our old high school social hour on a virtual Caddo hill if we wanted, where I could braid your hair, and you could paint my nails while we talk about boys, fashion, and all those important things we used to care so much about.

I'm sorry that you are going through this time, but I'm glad that you have been able to make some positive changes. I think if we are honest, we've all experienced this to some extent or another. There are chemical or hormonal influences, but there are also seasons where life is hard. I was in a situation with some difficult circumstances, and I mostly buried my emotions. I think I went about 2-3 years without crying at all. Then when it came out, it was ugly crying- and hopeless feelings. But I was able to move past that to the right kind of grieving. During that time, I was doing many of the right things to reduce stress- prayer, journaling, exercising, hobbies, time with friends, eating mostly healthy- but it really wasn't enough. And I did get to the point where my emotions were always bubbling at the surface. For me, it was needing to get out of an unhealthy environment and to a more positive environment. (long story, but doing non-profit work in Congo with an abusive leader. Wanting to help the people there, but not able to be part of the system.) Now my family is doing much better & able to process the events of the difficult period. It's been a slow process of regaining "normal" instead of a tearful response to everything. :)I shared this, because I want you to know you are not alone in how you are feeling, and I hope that you can keep taking care of yourself and your family. :)

I am right here with all of you. I'm going to turn 40 next month, and lately my emotions have been riding a rollercoaster. I'm beginning to wonder if I may be heading toward "the change" myself. It might explain a lot.

I've been in therapy before for depression and anxiety. While I have never been officially diagnosed, I believe I may have some form of ADD or EFD (executive function disorder). Therapy helped me a great deal, but the way things have been going lately, it may be time for a recheck.

Kristie, you are definitely not alone! I've had my fair share of embarrassing public breakdowns before. Lately, they've been happening more often in private, but the fact they're happening at all is enough to cause concern.

You are a source of inspiration to me in more ways than you know. I pray that everything works out for you and that you continue to be an inspiration to the rest of us. :)

Am glad you are seeing a therapist now - I've gone to them several times over my life when circumstances warranted - and, having lost my Mom, a beloved Aunt, 2 good friends and a dog I loved in the last year (while accepting that my husband has a little more than mild cognitive impairment) means I'm probably going back, since my last uncontrollable outburst happened when I was driving 80 mph down the freeway in heavy traffic. Ah, life. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Hugs to you.

the article today hit home for me. I so understand. I was very glad to read that you have sought out the help of a therapist and medication. That's the only thing that helps me. The combination of both. Big hugs.

I am sorry that you are having a difficult patch. Remember these words from the Bible "This too shall pass." Stay strong and don't be affected by anything someone else says about you. It only matters what you think. You know you're doing the best you can. Nuff said.

Popping over from Funtastic Friday =) I'm a huge culprit of crying in my car. When the day just wears on me or even a song just hits me a certain way the tears come flying. I cried Friday because I forgot my coffee at home. That one was irrational and hormonal. HUGS for you! Come share your crafts, DIY's, recipes & up-cycle posts at #2usestuesday (Mon PM to Fri PM) & your latest & greatest Pinterest pins at #Pinbellish (Fri AM to Tues AM) over at Sarah Celebrates if you don't already!

Although I haven't yet shared on my site about my struggles with depression and anxiety, I just want you to know I can greatly relate to what you're going through. I'm no stranger to crying in public. I'm really glad you took the steps to get some help when you needed it. When I was struggling, I waited way too long to seek help and life could have improved so much quicker if I had been braver sooner. I only reached out for help after a woman saw me crying as I traveled home on the subway and she stopped to check on me - before that I honestly felt like no one cared. After that, taking the step to get help when I needed it really did save my life. Thanks for sharing your struggles in this post. I'm sure that others who are in a similar situation will appreciate you being so open.*hugs*

I understand how overwhelming some things can be. I have a tendency to let things bottle up and then before I know it I am blubbering like an idiot in a corner and my hubby looks on helplessly because he is trying to figure out what he did in the five mins since he got home that warrants this behavior.

Hi Giftie, I hope you feel the support from your readers here. I have been in therapy for anxiety and depression. I did find myself as you described unable to handle and stress or emotion for a while. Seeking help from my doctor and therapist was so needed. I was surprised to get a diagnosis for ADD and realize at 35 that most of my anxiety and stress is a result of my chaos. If that makes any sense? I keep coming back to your blog to find tips to help me. When I read about your anxiety/depression battle - I was going to ask have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD? obviously, you have that piece of the puzzle covered! I constantly feel like life is happening at me instead of with me and your 'organizing' ideas shed a lot of light on how to cope as a wife and Mom. I hope as part of your healing process you can find ways to lighten your load more. Also, this might sound really wierd but to relax I sometimes wear earphones for construction workers?! They are noise cancelling and help me sleep so much. Just thought I'd throw it out there! CC