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Topic : 04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

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Created on : Friday, April 04, 2008, 02:12:40 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Have you ever had the nagging feeling that something wasn’t right with your relationship? Dr. Phil’s guests say they saw several red flags before they walked down the aisle, but they looked the other way and still said, “I do.” Randall and Shawn were happily married until Shawn discovered men’s magazines in her husband’s bag. Now Randall is out of the closet as a gay man, and he’s struggling to keep his family together. Shawn wants to know if they should stay married for their two pre-teen children or get a divorce. How are their kids handling the news that their father is gay? And, Natalie says she’s leaving if her husband, Robert, doesn’t change his lazy ways. She says he hasn’t worked in a year and watches TV all day while she works, cooks, cleans and pays bills. Robert says he’s pursuing his dream of writing a novel, but Natalie says the book is an excuse to sit on his butt all day. Is Robert a talented undiscovered writer or a freeloading husband? Share your thoughts here.

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Message to Natalie From an Aspiring Writer

I just read the write up that says that Natalie is considering leaving her husband if he doesn't get a real job, and Robert says he's planning to write a book. If this is the case, Natalie, then I think you should support him in his dream, and not put it down as an excuse.

Take a look at my profile, it says that I am an aspiring writer of novels and short stories. I also happen to be living with cerebral palsy, a condition that I have held since birth. According to my career aptitude testing, I got up to a Grade 12 in English, did very well on my spelling, but only got up to Grade 11 on Math. (I also peaked in Science and French while still in high school.) My physical limitations (which include doing only so much heavy lifting, among other things) prevent me from getting most jobs that require math, and even things that don't require a diploma, like construction and other trades. After all, one thing I know about the career world is that bosses won't hire a person if they think that person needs constant supervision in completing assigned tasks. (I even put my cerebral palsy on my resume, which WOULD be an issue in many career fields, some more than others - even with a diploma.)

If I were to go into the business world, for example, the best I could do is a desk job writing business correspondence (especially since I was mostly lousy at accounting and statistical math. No way would I be CEO of a company! Luckily for me, I'm looking at volunteering at the learning center downtown for a few months, and I plan to wow the English department with my missives. Given what Natalie may be about, I don't think I would have a chance with her. (I don't want to get a girlfriend until I can break into the publishing world with a few short stories, anyway, and marriage may not even be in the cards for me.) Still if I were to get married, I woud think that a better arrangement would be for me to stay home a raise the children while my wife works.

Robert may be of sound mind and body, (and for this reason, I would encourage him to find a good enough job that will HELP with the bills) but if he does plan to write a book, you should at least give him a chance on it. Who knows, it may turn out to be good enough to be a best-seller. In the meanwhile, why don't you read some of MY stories?

04/10 Marriage Dilemmas

Natalie,

One of the best clues that your husband IS a talented writer, is that he is writing--four or five hours a day. This includes weekends and holidays. He spends his time working on his craft. He may have the television on, but he is busy elsewhere. It is like living with someone in college, and they have a term-paper due next week--and they have finished the first of three drafts.

If he is not like that, you are a single mother already, and no one has the guts to tell you.

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gay?

Is it me??

Hi I'm new to this site, but needed some advice. There are a lot of changes going on in my life and it's hard for me to keep things straight. My 3yo son was diagnosed with leukemia in Jan 08, he's doing pretty well. Lots of time away from home. I have a 26yo boyfriend (father of my son) and 2 daughters from my 1st marriage (ages 12 & 9). I recently resigned from my job to care for my son. That was a very hard change for me since i loved my job and have always been the sole bread winner in our home. So i am sharing the reigns with my bf. Anyway, my main concern is trust. My bf hasn't had the best history holding down a job, however he's been doing very well over the last year. I recently found out that he had been calling a girl that he use to "talk" to online and over the phone. I am a jealous gf so we had agreed prior that we wouldn't talk to associate ourselves with the opposite sex unless they were mutual friends. When i confronted him regarding the phone calls and texts he said i wasn't his mother and that he can pick his own friends. Not quite the response i was looking to get. I am really trying to make this relationship work, but i can't trust him right now. I even asked him for his email passwords, explaining why i wanted them. It took me 2 weeks to get enough "balls" to ask him because i was so afraid he would blow up on me. Which he did! He said he was leaving me and done ? I don't know what to do! Is it me doing something wrong or are there under lying issues here?

I was in the audience

I was in the audience when this was aired over a year ago. November 17, 2006. The gay guy IS gay and the aspiring writer....he's a joke. It's actually pretty funny how Dr. Phil addresses him. Anyway, don't knock his wife. I don't know what she's done with her life since then. Hopefully the husband pulled his head out of his armpit and got a real job, or she left him. So watch the show on Thursday. You'll see.

Some excellent resources & healing for you & your son

Hi I'm new to this site, but needed some advice. There are a lot of changes going on in my life and it's hard for me to keep things straight. My 3yo son was diagnosed with leukemia in Jan 08, he's doing pretty well. Lots of time away from home. I have a 26yo boyfriend (father of my son) and 2 daughters from my 1st marriage (ages 12 & 9). I recently resigned from my job to care for my son. That was a very hard change for me since i loved my job and have always been the sole bread winner in our home. So i am sharing the reigns with my bf. Anyway, my main concern is trust. My bf hasn't had the best history holding down a job, however he's been doing very well over the last year. I recently found out that he had been calling a girl that he use to "talk" to online and over the phone. I am a jealous gf so we had agreed prior that we wouldn't talk to associate ourselves with the opposite sex unless they were mutual friends. When i confronted him regarding the phone calls and texts he said i wasn't his mother and that he can pick his own friends. Not quite the response i was looking to get. I am really trying to make this relationship work, but i can't trust him right now. I even asked him for his email passwords, explaining why i wanted them. It took me 2 weeks to get enough "balls" to ask him because i was so afraid he would blow up on me. Which he did! He said he was leaving me and done ? I don't know what to do! Is it me doing something wrong or are there under lying issues here?

Help!!

I am sorry to hear what you are going through yourself. That is tough, I have been there in some ways.

I would love to see you be helped and your life COMPLETELY restored. I had precancer and God completely healed me. My brother was supposed to die as a child from a multiple of health issues relating from his premature birth - my mother had faith, changed her life completely for God, brought my brother to Pastor Benny Hinn, and my brother is 25 years old - a miracle child.

My husband's family does not care for me but my prayer partner and I prayed for their daughter to be completely healed of a intestinal issue that the doctors claimed to be incurable and it was wrecking havoc in her body - we had faith for TOTAL healing, restoration, and for her to be completely off the medications and hormones - and her miracle came this year. The little girl is only 4.

I KNOW that Jesus heals. I have seen it, experienced it, and God is amazing. Below I included information on Creflo Ministries - that pastor was healed from prostate cancer by God.

These resources have helped me:

Focus on the Family 800 A FAMILY (232-6459) - the give ONE FREE COUNSELING SESSION BY PHONE PER PERSON PER YEAR

www.family.org

They have LOTS of free materials on their website and they will send lots of free materials including brochures and a free magazine (several to choose from).

www.joycemeyer.org

She went through a bad marriage the first go round and has lots of free resources regarding healing. Her magazine is free - Enjoying Everyday Life - and it is very good and covers lots of topics, healing, health, marriage, and health (diet).

Prayer line 1 800 727 9673

www.creflodollarministries.com

Creflo Dollar Ministries Prayer line 1 866 477 7683

Daystar Prayer Line

1 800 329 0029

Leave a message and they will call you back to pray.

www.Peteryoungren.org

24 Hour Prayer Center 1 800 275 2713

Can leave message and/or get a call back

www.cnb.com

1 800 759 0700

The 700 Prayer Club - 24 hours - usually someone picks up

This is a really good one and they can send you various resources, many for free, too.

www.kcm.org

1 800 575 4455

Kenneth Copeland Ministries

They have some great resources on healing.

You can order their Victory Voice magazine for FREE and it is an incredible resource for articles on faith, healing, prosperity, etc.

In regards to your bf, his response was yucky. However, if I was in your shoes, I would focus my energy on my relationship with God and my child being completely healed (yes, it IS possible - I have seen many miracles).

There is a good book called divorce busters that has some helpful information on dealing with someone when it gets to the point where they want to leave. The is a website that explains (you can find all the stuff free on the website) love busters and emotional needs, you can do the questionnaires if you download and print them, http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ and a lot of this information is helpful. I personally do not have the time to give my husband 15 hours undivided attention but the information about love busters and emotional needs is great information. Plus there are a lot of columns on affairs. If you bf is talking to an old girl, you might want to read up on how to respond because if he is "addicted" to talking to her because she is filling a need (affection for instance), then your arguments at this moment are going to make things worse. Even though, yes, I agree with you that he is WRONG for that and it is not fair. However, if you want to get your relationship on track, you will find this information found in his responses regarding affair questions very helpful and if applied, it might lead to him leaving her alone because you will go back to filling up his love tank rather than being a source of emotional pain for him.

So, yes, something is wrong with the relationship and there could be underlying issues. However, the information I listed can be of great help for you.

"All things will work together for those who love God and are called according to his purposes" Romans 8:28 This is a PROMISE from God FOR Christians. I hope that you believe in Jesus, if you do, I know that you can have the abundant life that Jesus died for us to have according to John 10:10 (the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy but I came that they will have life, in abundance, to the full, and until it overflows) if you abide in Jesus and then He lives in you. If you do not know Jesus, then you can see your need for His help, admit your sins (we all break the commandments and fall short), ask him into your heart to cleanse, and forgive you, and make him your Lord and Savior. From this point forward, if you get the above materials (the free magazines) and you begin reading the bible - the gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John plus Proverbs for wisdom and Psalms are helpful too, then you will be ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR BEST LIFE EVER!

I will be praying for your son and I would love to see him completely restored by the Father. If you want to contact me, check my profile for my email address. I surf this messageboard because I know that people come here looking for healing that ONLY GOD and JESUS can provide- the water that quenches all thirsts permanently, the bible is the book that answers all questions.

My background

Hi I'm new to this site, but needed some advice. There are a lot of changes going on in my life and it's hard for me to keep things straight. My 3yo son was diagnosed with leukemia in Jan 08, he's doing pretty well. Lots of time away from home. I have a 26yo boyfriend (father of my son) and 2 daughters from my 1st marriage (ages 12 & 9). I recently resigned from my job to care for my son. That was a very hard change for me since i loved my job and have always been the sole bread winner in our home. So i am sharing the reigns with my bf. Anyway, my main concern is trust. My bf hasn't had the best history holding down a job, however he's been doing very well over the last year. I recently found out that he had been calling a girl that he use to "talk" to online and over the phone. I am a jealous gf so we had agreed prior that we wouldn't talk to associate ourselves with the opposite sex unless they were mutual friends. When i confronted him regarding the phone calls and texts he said i wasn't his mother and that he can pick his own friends. Not quite the response i was looking to get. I am really trying to make this relationship work, but i can't trust him right now. I even asked him for his email passwords, explaining why i wanted them. It took me 2 weeks to get enough "balls" to ask him because i was so afraid he would blow up on me. Which he did! He said he was leaving me and done ? I don't know what to do! Is it me doing something wrong or are there under lying issues here?

Help!!

I feel like sharing this might help you be open to my response.

I had an awesome, the best career in the whole for me job, that I left to take care of our premature baby who had breathing issues and God COMPLETELY healed her too. My husband told me he had an affair while I was pregnant but it turned out to be a lie to just try to get me to leave him or to make me jealous (he thought it would me more controllable - to try to force me to please him or he would leave - he was a bully then and for a few years).

I ended up creating a business that I could bring my daugther with me and doing other jobs where I could bring her because I did LOVE working in the areas that I earned my degree in and I liked the paychecks and I liked the appreciation I received from employers because I was always a overachiever worker.

My husband started an emotional affair in 06 which ended pretty quickly but the hurt and healing are still in the works because he struggles with immaturity and lack of repentance. He is seeing an excellent therapist referred by Focus on the Family (we have seen 9 others and they were not as good - I wish I had known about Focus on the Family referrals originally! would that have saved us years and years of no progress or even making things worse with the wrong counselors and the wrong, wordly advice).

My husband is working with God and his therapist on full deliverance from alcohol, drugs, addictions, lust, lying, depression, temper/angry, etc. My husband is 12 years older than me. Our daughter is 4 years old.

I KNOW God can help you. I KNOW that you can have an awesome life and I would love to see your son completely healed which would be an amazing testimony. Of course, the most important thing is that we accept Jesus and spend eternity with Him, but healings are a benefit on earth as He took our infirmities on the cross. Having a real relationship with Jesus is an amazing thing and it will make all trials and tribulations on earth place when our knowledge of eternity becomes more clear and our purpose here.