10 Places to Never Change Your Baby's Diaper

Did you hear about the Denver parents who made news for changing their baby in a Starbucks seating area after they found no changing table in the restroom? An employee reportedly offended them by asking them to clean up, the dad angrily poured his coffee on the floor in retaliation, and things somehow escalated to the point where police were called to calm everyone down.

The parents are still unhappy about the way they felt they were treated by the staff, but I'm mostly stuck on the fact that they thought it was their right to change a diaper in a public eating area. Sure, it would have been nice to find a changing table in the restroom, but ... well, come on. That's what diaper pads and a little parental ingenuity are for.

Dealing with an emergency diaper situation when you're away from home is no fun, and I'm pretty sure we've all been there. I'm sympathetic to the challenge, but I still have to draw the line at changing a poopy diaper inthese 10 obnoxious locations.

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1. A table in any restaurant or coffeehouse or bar. Dude, that's just wrong. I know, I know: the bathroom floor is so gross. Well, so is inhaling a noseful of someone else's feces while you're eating dinner. Just saying, you can always use a changing pad -- your fellow patrons can't escape the diaper smell.

2. Your seat in an airplane. I can only begin to imagine how hard it is to change a diaper in that tiny lavatory. Still, that's what must be done. The alternative is a hostile act.

3. On the ground in a parking lot. That just seems a little ... dangerous? The trunk of your car is a WAY better choice.

4. In the seat of a grocery cart. More power to you if you can actually pull that off, but still: no.

5. In a non-bathroom part of the library. Gahhhh! Not even if you hide between the stacks, people.

6. The bed in a Macy's furniture department. Believe it or not, I've heard of this happening.

7. The floor of a nail shop.I saw this once. A lady was getting her nails done with her baby propped nearby in a carseat, and she stopped the process so she could change the baby's diaper. On the floor. Next to a pedicure station. WHAT.

8. The seat in a movie theater. Mmmmm, love that poopy popcorn smell.

9. On someone's sofa, without asking first. Simple etiquette demands that when you're visiting someone else's house, you ask the host to designate an appropriate diaper-wrangling location for you and your precious snugglebunny. Extra negative points if you get body fluids on the cushions.

10. In church. I don't know what the Bible says about this, but maybe it should be amended to include something about how thou shalt not expose thy fellow worshippers to thine offspring's bowel movements. Amen.