I know the moment you realize you don’t see them there the words I refuse to say

you touch my cheek so gently and I look away because I hate myself in this self-created wedge of time of you and I

dying for love but refusing it all in the same breath

please tell me you never want to see me again
tell me I’m not worth the hassle
tell me I’m a bitch
tell me anything except
‘when can I see you again?’

five minutes after you left I was scrubbing my skin in the shower trying to delete all traces and memories of you but when my phone pinged with your name my finger hovered a moment too long before swiping delete unread

I pondered about this but for a moment and then concluded, Oh- how polarizing to truth it can seem, when what we might really need, is not what we prefer to love, after all, what we think we love requires us to do nothing because its already out of touch and thereby we really love remaining to be…just the same. Or so I think… 😉