Friendship, success, family, purpose and love. (Oh yeah, and a sexy body.) Everybody wants some of that, right? This blog is about one woman's endeavor to find, and deal with, all of those things — and the never-ending struggle to keep her apartment clean.

Fat girls of the world unite!

Alcoholics can just quit drinking – they never have to go into a bar ever again. Gamblers too. They can stop going into casinos all together. They don’t have to constantly deal with their addiction. Sex addicts – they can just keep their pants on. Drug addicts – well, it’s illegal anyway. Smokers can just quit cold turkey – if they have the will power.

But my problem is food. And I have to eat. You know, to stay alive. And sometimes that is why I’m eating – just to stay alive. But sometimes I am worshipping food. Sometimes I am indulging. Sometimes I’m doing it to comfort myself, or because I’m bored or lonely or because I’m fat. That’s right sometimes I eat because I’m fat. It doesn’t make sense it’s just how it is.

And it’s getting bad again. I don’t know what triggers the bad actions, but they usually last for a few months. A few weeks ago I ate half a pound of cheese for dinner – a bowl of melted cheese.

Gross, right?

I know. I knew it was gross while I was doing it. I was all alone in my apartment and I had already eaten dinner three hours before I ate the cheese. I ate it sitting on the floor in front of my TV watching Sex in the City.

After I ate it I cried. If I knew how to stimulate my gag reflex I would have also puked.

I really don’t have anything profound to say on this subject other than the simple observations that I have an eating problem, I can’t stop eating altogether or I’ll die and this compulsion makes me do crazy things. Furthermore, if you have any sort of similar relationship with food, I feel your pain.

Heck I inflict that pain upon myself almost daily. I know what you’re going through and I have no other choice but to continue to go through it with you – at every meal. Maybe that knowledge will help ease your, my, our pain.