My Ex Girlfriend Told Me To Stop Texting Her

There are two deaths in my lifetime that have hit me ridiculously hard. My grandmother, who I was extremely close with, and Robin Williams, who was a huge part of my childhood.

My world just felt different knowing that they didn’t exist in it anymore. It was strange to me that other people weren’t as shook by it as I was. It was the most prevalent thought in my mind for a long while.

This resulted in talking about their lives to pretty much anyone that would listen. Suddenly, I had thousands of things I need to talk to my grandmother about and I couldn’t. It was driving me crazy, or at least it felt that way.

A loss has a way of doing that to you, pulling the rug out from under you and making it feel like no one noticed or cares. I was in a funk for a really long time.

At this point in your relationship, or lack of a relationship, I’m sure you can sympathize at least a little.

When someone who matters to us dies it is normal to try and makes sense of the world without them, asking questions like “Why did this happen?” “Why them?”

What Does That Mean For You?

After a breakup, you’ll find yourself trying to make sense of things the same way. You ask yourself the same questions over and over again. Running around trying to win her back. Tempted to remind her how much she liked you, or even loved you, once.

I’ve been in your position, it’s tempting to bombard them with texts and calls from day one. It’s easy to think that this will keep them from forgetting you, a fear that is understandable for anyone who wants their ex back.

She will eventually reach her limit, and I don’t mean a data limit.

Everyone has a limit to their patience.

One of the guys who came to me with this problem in the past said,

“but she said we would stay friends when we split. Back when we were together she said she didn’t want me to ever be afraid to hold back. If there is something I want to say I should always feel free to say it.”

I’m going to tell you something that I learned the hard way. When a situation proves to be uncomfortable, like breaking up with some one or being broken up with, it’s human nature to try and keep the peace. Meaning, most people are naturally hardwired to do everything they can to avoid confrontation.

Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

Most of the time, when someone says “we’ll stay friends,” they are usually just trying to keep you from making a scene, or themselves from making a scene. Both of which would be very uncomfortable for both of you… and for anyone around to witness it.

This may be news to you, but… you aren’t together anymore. and no matter what she says or you want to believe, that means your dynamic has changed.

Before, you could text her all day long every day. The thing is, she liked you then. And, just like the way every joke is funny even when it’s not when you like someone, your texts brought a smile to her face even at three in the morning.

But if you broke up with her, your text will be annoying because it will seem like you don’t know what you want. If she broke up with you and you keep texting her, you’ll seem needy and like you just can’t take a not-so-subtle hint.

If you broke up a while ago and she’s been responding to you normally up until this point, I’d be willing to bet that she assumed you would get the picture and you’d eventually stop on your own.

If it seems like she just suddenly decided this then this is probably the case.

How to Handle This

Let’s face it, if she’s told you to stop texting her and you keep on, you’re just going to reinforce any negative feelings she has towards you.

Not only will they be MORE annoying and possibly angering, but she’ll feel like you don’t respect her wishes.

Assuming you want her back, the last thing you want to do is make her think you don’t respect her. Who would you rather be with?

Someone who makes you feel good about yourself by respecting you or someone who doesn’t care about what you want. I can go ahead and tell you which one she’d choose.

Yes, there are women out there who play games and will allow you to keep texting them because it boosts their ego. But even those will get tired of it when responding starts to feel like a chore. And in that case, it’s unlikely that type of relationship will turn into a reunion.

I know what you are wondering. What can I actually DO about this?

And I’m going to give you an answer I know you won’t like… 50 shades of nothing.

I know, disheartening sounding, isn’t it?

As of right now, you are in Violation of EVERYTHING we here at ExRecovery know to be true about getting an ex back. So, I’m ordering you to stop EVERYTHING you are doing.

Stop texting.

Stop calling.

Stop writing really flipping long emails with more feels than Homeward Bound and Old Yeller mixed together.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Yeah, I get it. Being single is only fun if you don’t want someone. And doing nothing sounds ineffective.

But, our version of nothing is more like doing something than you’d think. It only looks like doing nothing from the outside looking in. It’s more like a strategy of doing things that have nothing to do with your ex.

No Contact After Gnatting

First of all, let’s talk about what got you here in the first place.

Chances are your ex tried to go about this the nice way first.

“Yeah, we’ll stay in touch.” of “I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”

And then, let me guess. You kept texting her as if you were still together. If you were used to interacting with her every day you might have sent her good morning texts, funny memes, and “hey, do you remember that time…?” texts.

At first, she probably responded just to keep from being rude. But if you continued that pattern chances are she stopped answering so much, just hoping you’d take the hint.

Unfortunately, heartbreak comes with its own set of tunnel vision goggles. Once you are told you can’t have something, suddenly that is

ALL you want. You can’t stop thinking about it. And those spiffy little goggles make so you don’t take a hint so well. Your ex could be standing in front of you waving a sign that says I don’t want to get back together and all you see is that she’s still talking to you so she must still care… right?

WRONG!

I am telling you right now to TAKE THE GOGGLES OFF!! If you are determined to get her back you have to break that “We’re meant to be together! You’re my other half.” sappy romantic crap.

Don’t get me wrong, us ladies LOOOOVE the sappy romantic crap. But do it before or during a relationship. Afterward, it just comes across as begging.

And on top of that, it doesn’t fix ANY of the issues that caused us to break up in the first place. So, even if she did take you back, it’s like putting a band-aid over a crack in a dam. Eventually, you’re in for trouble.

If you were hitting her up so often that she had to actually tell you to stop, then I am suggesting a 45 day sabbatical, AKA some serious No Contact.

She thinks you are honoring her wishes but in reality, it’s a strategic plan to make her miss you and give you time to work on a secret project.

Let’s play it out.

I’m your ex and I’ve just told you to stop texting me. Do you think I just meant for a couple of days? may a week or two?

If you said yes, I’m gonna give you a second to rethink your answer.

The right answer is no! she means for the foreseeable future and possibly forever.

It’s okay.

Don’t freak out just yet.

We’re going to change her mind by… giving her what she wants for 45 days.

Change her ID in your phone to “Bad Idea” or “Don’t Do It” if you have to.

So, what do you think you are going to do for 45 days?

If it were up to you, I can guess how it would go.

Jumping every time your phone makes a noise.

Driving past her house or work.

Suddenly staring down everyone driving a car that looks anything like hers.

Spending waaaay too much time on her Facebook and Instagram.

Luckily, I’m taking the choice away. If you do any of these things… you can wave goodbye to getting her back. Okay, not really. But working here at ExRecovery I can tell you from experience that the odds are NOT in your favor if you do.

So don’t do it! Instead do this instead.

Take some time and clean up your own social media. Get rid of stuff that makes you look anything less than a good guy. If you have friends posting nasty comments about her, remove the comments. You are an adult and above that. Anything regarding the breakup or the fact that you are now single is childish. It’s obvious you are trying to get a rise out of her. Remove those too. Don’t try to erase your relationship, just any signs that you are still hung up on it. (yes, that means those cheesy song lyrics you posted. get rid of them.)

Get clothes that fit. Nothing says I don’t have my stuff together by walking around with your pants around your thighs. This isn’t just going to help win her attention, but other people will start treating you with more respect. Taking care of your appearance is one of the easiest things to do to change the way people see you. It also has a way of boosting your confidence 100%. Why do you think the girls go straight from a breakup to the salon or shopping?

What have you been talking about doing forever that you haven’t done? Going back to the gym? Finishing a degree? Quit your job and find something better? Move out of your mom’s basement? Women want to be with men who aren’t afraid to go after what they want. I realize those goggles right now are making you think that she is the only thing you want, but take those off and throw them away. Go after the life you want. Even just taking steps to do it makes an impact if the goal is going to take longer than 45 days.

Clean up your living space. If she were to walk into your space, would it look just like it did when you broke up? Or worse, does it look like you’ve been binging and sulking the entire time? Your space reflects your mind and reversely being surrounded by a mess can make you feel… like a mess. So, clean up.

See?

You’ve got plenty to do! stop stalking her and hitting her up.

There are better things to do. If you caught on the idea is to not only make yourself look like you’ve matured and made progress. It’s to actually help you get to space where you are ACTUALLY making progress. So, that once you get through No Contact, reconnecting with her should be a chance to showcase that.

You don’t want to be that guy that says “I’m doing great,” when you’ve been out at the bar every night with your boys trying to stave off the heartache with booze and women. No! You want to be able to give off the impression that the breakup could have been the exact kick in the pants that you needed to get your life together.

Rest assured, she’ll know what’s going on in your life before you ever finish No Contact and send that first text. So, if you are sulking and whining to anyone that’ll listen… she’ll know. However, if someone walks up to you and says,

“Hey I heard you and insert ex’s name split up. Man, I’m sorry. How are you doing?”

What response do you think is better?

“Yeah. I miss her. She was my entire world and then it was just over. Did you see she was out with her girls making the rounds at the club last weekend? I should just find someone better and make her jealous….”

or

“Man, I’m doing better than I expected. I’m starting to think that splitting up might’ve been the best thing for me. How are things with you?”

A lot of people feel like telling someone how they are feeling is like free therapy.

But what they don’t take into account is that people talk. I have a friend who did this and told his bud every bit of how hard his breakup had been on him.

His friend went home that evening and repeated the entire thing to his girlfriend along with some clever insights he had on the situation.

Just a few days later his girlfriend ran into my friend’s ex and huge shocker, she was less than pleased that he was talking about their problems with everyone.

On top of that, she saw that he was still the same guy she had split up with.

Whereas had he kept his response short and made it seem like he was making the best out of the situation, the guy’s girlfriend probably would have asked his ex how she was doing and mentioned that he was handling things better than she expected.

What do you think his ex would have done then?

If you said she’d be scouring his Facebook and Instagram to see what his secret was.

That’s the thing. Indirect information exchange has more effect than direct.

Alright Let’s Wrap This Up

Have you ever heard a kid say, “I am grown up!”

How convinced were you?

However, if a kid just started acting more responsible and didn’t fight for attention all the time, you’d be inclined to think, “Man, he’s more mature than most adults I know.”

If you were to call her up and say, “Look how much progress, I’ve made!” She’d think you did it all to get her back. If she finds out on her own or from someone else, she’ll be more inclined to think you had other motivations.

Not to mention, getting your life together won’t just make her see you differently. It will make you see yourself differently too.

When you do reach out to her using the Texting Bible’s tactics, remember that you did it all on your own and you’ll come off as much more confident. Speaking as a woman, confidence is attractive on anyone.

I know these tactics seem simple. But as one of my bosses used to drill into us, “It’s better to work smarter than harder.”

Let me know in the comment section below what areas of your life you are going to work on. If you have difficulties sticking with No Contact we have an entire team here that will be happy to help you come up with ways to stick with it.

What Do You Think? (9)

Jack

August 15, 2017

Hey ,I really hope I’ll get a reply from you because I really need help. I am in college and had an year long relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were perfect for each other and were just like two best friends in a relationship and shared everything. But during the ending stages,I got too occupied with job interviews and some family issues and could not give her the attention she wanted. She also felt that i got flattered by every single woman and that hurt her. So she decided to end it and we agreed to be friends. But about after a month she just stopped being friends and became quite rude and cold. This made me realise her importance and I absolutely could not live without talking to her. I texted her a lot just to get her attention and would seldom get a reply and that too a very short one. I basically became a gnat and startd asking questions that why wasn’t she behaving like a friend when we had decided to remain friends. This continued for about two months. She has made new best friends and just about 15 days ago asked me not to contact her .She didn’t want to talk to me ever. So I did not send her any message and started the no contact. I have to see her everyday in college so it gets kind of awkward when i cross her . Anyways, after following one week of no contact, she yesterday blocked me on social sites. I really want to get her back cause she was perfect for me. We have so so many memories. Please help me how to get her back. I did exactly what is mentioned in this article. Exactly the same.

About a few days ago,I contacted a friend of hers under the condition that she won’t tell anything to her . She was our mutual friend. She told me that she was hurt by me often talking about other women and not giving her enough importance. The friend also told me that she has moved on and doesn’t even care if I live or die and that she is extremely happy with her life now and is enjoying new friends and company. She said that she wouldn’t even think of getting back no matter how much I try. I am only active on whatsapp. But she has blocked me on that. Altough,she is being quite active on social media as well. Will I still be able to get her? I really do love her and am even having trouble sleeping.

EGR Team Member: Amor

Restart nc and dont talk to her friends again about her..focus in improving yourself and be active in posting fb or instagram, just make them public

Jack

August 16, 2017

What type of pictures do you want me to post?

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 17, 2017

That’s good that you’re a photographer. Post your actvities, yourself, the places you go to, or you with friends..the purpose is to show your improvements indirectly

Jacob

August 10, 2017

I completed a 21 day no contact and attempted to text my ex after. This was 2 weeks ago. She did respond but they were relatively neutral responses. She would reply to my texts every three days and recently it went to about 5 days for her to reply. So I would get one response every 3 days. I decided to not respond to her text after waiting 5 days for her to reply and to wait a week until I make another attempt. It really does not seem like she’s interested in reestablishing communication. What should I do? What’s the best thing to do in this situation?

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 11, 2017

After the first attempt, you should have waited 5-7 days before trying again and to use an interesting topic for her. If in the second attempt she still replies neutral or negatively, try after two weeks. If she still replies negatively or neutral after that, it means you have to move on. So, consider the text you’re going to send after reading as your first attempt again and if after three attempts, it’s still not progressing, move on.

Mike

August 8, 2017

Also she said the last issues were hard to get over (coming and going causing trust) and that was why she wasn’t ready for sex again. It also strongly played into the end. She said r wasn’t just because of that last night… but without that last night she had no intentions to end it anytime soon and was optimistic

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017

do at least 30 days.. stop overthinking because that’s not going to help you.. that would make you desperate..

Mike

August 8, 2017

Hi. Met her in university over 14 years ago she has loved me since then. I never gave her a chance though we often fooled around for years coming and going. 2 years ago after I started looking at her differently. She had many reasons to not trust me, (my coming and going/broken promises even a loan that I did not pay back) a year ago I started dating her and she went from becoming my best friend for the previous year to now my girlfriend . She has anxiety and it is bad. She had a hard time getting over the old issues. While our relationship in its early years was just fooling around (including sex) now that we were in an actual relationship she was apprehensive to have sex. We never did after 7 months. (I was only her second ever partner and she has gone over a decade without sex before .We did enjoy some intimacy though, but I would often become needy and pushy for it, which would set us back and frustrate her. Near the end you can throw jealousy into my neediness and clinginess. I was no longer a confident guy… I was living for her. She is my best friend and I’d rather have a relationship with some intamacy with her then nothing now. Last week I pushed really hard twice . The first time she was responsive and set up a plan. When I asked Ilater in the week if she had started to go through with the plan she said no and I went right back to being upset. I’m ashamed. I made her feel angry hurt and confused and she and I got off the phone. Then I got jealous about social media and called her out… (outrageous she would be one of the last women to cheat) . Moments later I had realized I was being an idiot and called her back and she didn’t not answer. While I have said I was needy and clingy, what I did next set a new standard… I texted her many times and called her 75 times betweeen midnight and 9 am. In the morning she began a day and a half process of breaking up with me that I tried to negotiate remind of good times and bet. Only sealing my fate. I had a substantial health issue arise a few months ago (non life threatening and not contagious) and couldn’t believe she would leave me (I couldn’t believe it at all to be honest based on our history) during this time. During our fight the previous few nights I tried to end it and she fought for me saying she would call and text me because it would fee horrible not to communicate with me at this time and in general. She wanted no part of breaking up. After the second fight and with the support of her mom who sat beside her while she was on the phone with me, she ended it. “For good” “not right for each other” “I was wrong to say I would keep contActing you” “never getting back together” were all words she was using … it sounded like she was reading from a script. She did however say this was the hardest things she had ever done. That she loved Me and was still in love with me and continues to have butterflies from our time together the same as when she was 18. Eventually she hung up. I was sad and depresssd. I sent her a text apologizing for saying her mother was coAchinf her, accepting that it was her decision and wishing her happiness. I bought ex gf recovery and read it quickly. I started 21 day nc . And was solid for 7 days. But today I texted her because I had a good test result from my treatment and I wanted to share it with her. She did not respond. I sent one single text asking if I could call her to tell her about the results. When she did not respond I sent absolutely nothing further.

What are your thoughts ? Can I over come that the mother does not supportable? Can I overcome my own damage? And obviously back into nc… but how many days now? I do believe she feels as strongly about me as I do her … which is troubling because she must be very hurt and angry to put those feelings aside right now. I have been researching how to be more confident and less needy I these situations (I am generally a very confident guy) and cut the jealousy altogether. I know this time is for me… but I also believe this woman is for me too! Please help!