Fiorina: I Will Not Be Bullied Into Telling Truth

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Calling criticism of her misrepresentations about Planned Parenthood "typical left-wing tactics," the Presidential candidate Carly Fiorina said, on Sunday, "I will not be bullied into telling the truth."

Appearing on "Fox News Sunday," the former Hewlett-Packard C.E.O. denied that spreading misinformation about Planned Parenthood was "in any way incendiary," but added, "What is truly incendiary is demanding that someone who is seeking the highest office in the land stop lying."

Fiorina noted that many of her rivals for the Republican nomination—including Donald Trump, Ben Carson, and Ted Cruz—had successfully used lying as a key element of their campaign strategies. "All I am trying to do is level the playing field," she said.

Additionally, she argued that she had not singled out Planned Parenthood as the subject of falsehoods during her campaign. "Look at the things I have said about my tenure at Hewlett-Packard," she said. "I have steadfastly avoided facts from day one."

Striking a defiant note, she said that she refused to allow a "tiny cabal of left-wing truth-fetishists" break her resolve. "Anyone who thinks I'm going to start suddenly telling the truth doesn't know what Carly Fiorina is made of," she said.

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.