i am rich

Drive a BMW on the Autobahn

Driving has been a passion of mine ever since I can remember. Starting out with miles of hot wheels race-tracks to taking my first car on a real track, I have always had a deep down desire to be behind the wheel of a car as its racing down the highway full speed. You can imagine my excitement when Hayley and I began planning our trip to Germany, home of the world famous Autobahn highway. I knew this would be the perfect chance to cross off something that has been on my bucket list ever since I bought my first BMW in 2009.

Growing up in Ontario with our 400 series highways that max out at 100 km/h, the autobahn seemed to me like a mythical beast full of action, adventure, and of course, sports cars. For years I tried to imagine what this famous german highway would be like to drive on, and how cool it would be to do 200+ km/h without getting a speeding ticket! As it turns out, it was just as amazing as I had thought, even though I had made a lot of incorrect assumptions.

First of all, the Autobahn is not a particular highway as I had previously imagined, exclusive of other highways. It is, in fact, the German word for motorway. The official German term is Bundesautobahn, which translates as “federal motorway.” It is also not void of a speed limit, there are many sections of highway that have strictly enforced speed limits using an advanced speed camera technology. That being said, if the weather is good, the highway is clear, and you’re feeling excited, you are free to enjoy the unrestricted sections of highway that make up the Autobahn that I had dreamed of. To me, this sign meant pin the pedal to the floor and go as fast as you possibly can!

Although I have been dreaming of driving this highway for years, the BMW part came much later on in life, after I had purchased my first BMW. Before that purchase, I had never been a fan of BMW cars because it seemed like the car that every wanna be rich man owned. To me, the typical mid 2000’s Bimmer was a car for people who wanted to look wealthy, but couldn’t afford a Ferrari. That all changed when I found my red devil on Kijiji for $3500. The minute I hopped into that car with its two-tone leather interior, beautifully crafted panelling and gripped that leather steering wheel I was in awh. From that day onwards, I have owned exclusively BMW’s, and had committed to myself that the FIRST car I would drive on the Autobahn would be a BMW.

So there I was, having just landed in Berlin, standing in line at the car rental kiosk eagerly awaiting to reserve my BMW. What I didn’t realize was that there was also a very large festival happening in Berlin during the weekend we were there, and that particular Kiosk did not have a single car to rent. Nor did the kiosk beside it, or the third kiosk. In fact, I spent the next three days calling over 30 car rental companies from Berlin to Munich in search of a BMW, and not one of them could get me a BMW. Volkswagen? Sure. Audi? Of course! BMW? What do you think this is, Germany!?

You can imagine my heartbreak when I had to give in to the idea that I might not get my BMW. Did I forget to mention, I even bought BMW shoes just for this occasion (fanboy alert!), and now I was going to have to settle for a fucking Volkswagen Golf. But I wasn’t going to give up hope, I wasn’t ready to give in completely. Most of the car rental companies told me they wouldn’t know what they have available for rent until the morning of, thats why they could not guarantee me a particular car, only a particular class of car. I still had a chance to get a BMW the morning of our scheduled road trip. How big of a chance? Out of all the cars the company had available to rent, there was one BMW, in all of Germany.

That morning that I walked in to collect my car, wearing my new BMW shoes, praying to the BMW gods, I was given the greatest news. That one BMW that the company had available, had been dropped off last night after I called. It was cleaned out, washed up, and ready to go. Either I’m the luckiest Canuck in all of Deutschland, or this moment was made to happen.

Promise not to tell anyone, but this beauty was actually a station wagon. I refused to take pictures of its wide rear end for fear of embarrassment from all my car enthusiast friends. Regardless of it’s Nicki Minaj ass, I was still going to rip this beauty down the Autobahn.