Bear in mind that the BBFC just give films a certificate and offer content advice to consumers and parents about films – they are not in a position to do much about, ooh, kids going to the toilet too often during “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest“. I’ve had more than my fair share of annoyances during cinema visits – the shower of pond life who ruined my cinema viewing of “Juno” are a story for another day – but I’ve never felt the need to write to the BBFC about it. Cinema managers might be your best shot when complaining about bladder-challenged infants whose nitwit parents feel an inexplicable need to take to films patently unsuitable for them.

Other glorious complaints from the terminally confused? Daniel Craig is a crap 007 (and Sean Connery should be reinstated forthwith), Christina Aguilera is too sexy for a 12A rating and oblivious patrons of satirical crap-fest “Disaster Movie“ complaining that their choice of film was dreadful and they should have been warned about it.

Less of that kind of thing, young lady, you'll only upset the old folk.

Aside from hoping against hope that the authors of these complaints haven’t felt the need to breed and pass on their idiocy to a new generation, it really does boggle the mind that I share the same air as people who seem to believe that the BBFC’s remit extends to vetting Aguilera’s “X-Factor” performance for saucy frugging and then signing off on her casting in movies. It’s quite sweet, in a sense, that naive folk believe that the world functions in this kind of all-encompassing integration and somewhat worrying that these self-same people very possibly are allowed to vote.