Monday, March 26, 2007

Here’s how it went down. Take some mental notes, in case you're planning a triathlete-triathlete proposal as well:

I wake up at 3:15 to go to Marina del Rey and catch a 4:15am ferry to Avalon on Catalina Island to run a 10K. Naturally, I look like crap. I semi-successfully attempt to sleep for the 2 hour ride.

Upon arrival, I meet another very nice woman with an awesomely wacky wooly hat, whose brother is doing the marathon, and who is as clueless as I am about what we’re supposed to do when we get there.

We found packet pick up in the lobby of a very tiny hotel. For some reason, I pictured the “St. Catherine’s Hotel” to be a lot bigger. It is teeny tiny. Then, there is no place to put our bags. There are, however, lockers over by the boat dock. But it is freezing outside, and I am a wuss, and I’m also a quarter hoarder (gotta do laundry somehow!). So we hang out by the lockers until the last moment we can to take our stuff off and put it inside.

At about 7:40am, I run a 20 minute warm up. At 8:15 the race starts. (My 10K. The marathoners started at 7. As I said, I am a wuss.)

Amazingly, and for the first time in my life, I am semi toward the front of a running race. Pretty freaking sweet. Except the last 2 miles are downhill and they KILL my poor aching quads. I was enormously too proud of my not all that amazing 48:20something time. I still had to run for another hour, as per Ironman training, and ran back up the hill about 2.5 miles to wait and cheer for Boyfriend when he ran by.

7 people went by and then there he was! I cheered and screamed and as he ran by, he yelled “Come on!”

Yeah rignt. Haha. It’s a joke right? I ran behind him for all of maybe 15 seconds, screaming for him to beat the guy in front of him, then never saw him again. My ego which had been unduely overinflated in the hour before came back down to size; I can’t keep up with Boyfriend in the last 2 miles of the most difficult marathon there is. Sad.

I ran back down, telling everyone I passed, “No, I’m not the first female,” to which one spectator responded “Well, you’re the first good looking one” to which I didn’t know how to react, as there hadn’t been any females ahead of me anyway…

I got back and couldn’t find him at the finish line. Then he found me, and pulled me to the side of the awards platform. They were starting the 10K awards and I was sure I had won something—it was an out and back course and a lot of those women did not seem to be in my age group. He was tugging me the side and then I heard my name and jumped up there. Woo hoo! First running medal in my life!

Then he sat me down and I knew this was it. He got down on one knee, and said the sweetest rehearsed poem/expression of his love for me, then pulled a ring out of a cloth in his camelback! My brain stopped all function. I was just thinking, “Holy shit! No way!”

Then he produced the most gorgeous ring I have ever seen. Extremely sparkly, diamondy. Very vintage looking. Absolutely perfect. And now also the most expensive thing I own. I don’t think my car is even worth as much.

He went to put it on my finger after I said, “Yes” and…

It wouldn’t fit.

I had just run about 13 miles total, and my hands swell when I run. They were all fat and the only finger the ring would fit on was my right pinky. Oi!

So then, it was time for the phone calls.

First? My two best friends. Second? My little brother. Third? Mom. Then I had to call my dad, who Fiance had every intention of asking, but would not possibly see for months. And asking on the phone would have been lame.

Here’s how that went down:

Me: Hi dad! I just ran a 10K and I got 3rd in my age group and did it in 48 minutes!

Dad: How’d you get so fast?

Me: And Jimmy proposed!

Pause. Long, heart attack-inducing pause.

Dad: Proposed what?

Me: marriage…

Dad: Oh…really? He did, huh…

Me: Yeah! Anyway, what I was really proud of is that I actually placed in a running race. That’s super cool, huh? Well, I love you! Bye!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

For those of you who thought you could only brag AFTER the race...think again! Check out this guide to being the most boastful, proud person you can possibly be! (Come on, you didn't just sign up or complete an Ironman with no intention of letting everyone you know know about your athletic prowess!)

Before I started to train an Ironman, I bought a training plan; I read books on hydration and fuel replacement, I listened to endless hours of advice from elite and pro triathletes. This information did help me finish, but it did not teach me how to correctly brag about being an Ironman.

My friends and I came up with a six phase program which will aid you in bragging about your Ironman . Use this plan from the moment you register until well after the race is complete for the most bang for your bragging buck.

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an Ironman. During this phase, you must let all of your non-Ironman friends know you can't hang out with them anymore, because you just signed up for an Ironman. If you don't have any Ironman friends, then go to a place where runners or bikers hang out. Look for the Ironman

symbol (M Dot) on their training clothes. An Ironman would never be caught running or biking without their Ironman stuff.

Training Phase: Training for an Ironman can be compared to having a part time job. You must let everyone you meet know this. This can be accomplished by sighing loudly at work, mumbling how tired you are because you just biked 100 miles, because you are in training for an Ironman. You can also skillfully steer the conversation with your neighbors and co-workers to your Ironman training. Here is an example:

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Howdy Tristuds. TriDiva is doing her first Ironman in a little less than one month--AND she just got engaged on Saturday (woo hoo!) so things are getting a little crazy. If you read something in the next 3 weeks you believe you might have read before....you're going crazy too! Just kidding. Time to enjoy and get caught up!

So without further adoo, TriDiva gives you: How NOT To Buy a Bike on Ebay

TriDiva bought her first tri bike on eBay. But sometimes walking home with the prize is not as simple as placing the winning bid. When having a big hunk of carbon fiber at a great price is your goal, dealing with nasty personalities and guerilla bidding tactics are easy tasks. Read on for this excerpt from her forthcoming novel:

I found a big bike shop in Laguna Beach whose owner has apparently ridden with Lance Armstrong, This shop also advertises that they have Kuota Kaliburs as demo bikes--to use in your next time trial, to test ride, etc... Perfect! I thought. I could probably buy the demo bike at a discounted price! Sweet. So I emailed the owner. Here's how it went down:

Hello.

I was wondering if you would ever consider selling your demo Kuota Kalibur (medium) for a discounted price?

Thank you!

-Me

bikeguy's response: (name has been changed to protect el jerko, even though I don't think he should be protected. But it's also changed to protect me, who idolizes Lance Armstrong along with the rest of the world, and doesn't want to make enemies with his friends...even if he has questionable choice in companions.)

Why would I want to do that?

Now that certainly wasn't the answer I thought I'd get. Aparently, demo bikes don't work like demo skis, where you get a sometimes killer deal on nice stuff because everyone and their mother has tried it out. Who knew? So I wrote back:

I can't tell through email if that was a rhetorical question, so if it was, please disregard my response.

Presumably, as a demo bike, it has been ridden a lot by several different people, so it would be in used condition.

Also, when the new model year of Kuotas come in, you'd want your demo to be of that year so customers would get a feel for the exact bike you're offering for purchase.

I'm sorry if my question was stupid. I've been getting frustrated looking on ebay for used bikes. I heard wonderful things about your store and thought it would be great to find a used bike from a highly-regarded, reputable place.

Thanks again,

Me

That wasn't mean, huh? It was all I could do to refrain from saying : Look, a**hole, you're perpetuating the reputation all cyclists have of being supreme f$#*ers and acting like French people even when you were born in SoCal. I asked an honest question. A smart question. You are a jerk. Au revoir. Lance could kick your arse any day. I spit on you, fart in your general direction, etc... etc...

I got no response to my real, kind and thoughtful response.

** 2 Days Later **

GOD LOVES ME!!!

I got a voice mail last night from the ebay auctioneer saying I could call him and the guy selling the bike is his friend and he'd like to get it shipped out to me this weekend!!! Oh, but wait, it gets even better! Remember when I was so pissed off at the rude email from the bike guy? Check this out. It was in my inbox this morning:

from: bikeguy

to: me

The Kuota just sold on E-Bay for a price that I am embarrassed to claim as income. Sorry, but that was your chance to get it for a ridiculous price.....as new it would have been over $4600 but it sold for just over $2500. I kept an odometer on it since we got it running as a demo bike and it had 980 miles on it. Someone got something for nothing there....

OH MY GOD!!!! Wait until he finds out me and the person who stole his bike out from under him are the same person! Craziness.

Monday, March 19, 2007

(And by gloomy, we're talking LA gloomy in this article. Which is about 60 degrees and overcast/foggy/drizzly. So for those of you who have gloomy days with an average temp of 11 and snow flurries...and live thousands of miles from the beach, this surely won't make any sense...)

There is significantly less traffic along the coast. So while riding up PCH from Santa Monica is perma-creepy, at least there will be lulls in traffic that make it seem like you're all alone and at peace with the gorgeous ocean-lining road. (Just be sure to wear bright colors! It's hard to see things in the flat gloominess.)

There are WAY fewer people on the bike paths. Because they line the beach, and it's "ugly" outside, everyone and their mother will not be trying out their new rollerblades/bike/skateboard/running shoes for the first time and wobbling all over, making it hard for you to go over 5 mph.

It's kind of cold, and definitely not sunny. If you're like the many other pasty-white-from-the-winter triathletes in LA, this is fabulous for two reasons: First, you can probably wear long sleeves without overheating, thereby lessening your chance of getting massively sunburned. And second, one application of sunscreen on your face before your 7 hour ride should do the trick. You should return home just as pasty as before, and without greater risk of skin cancer from getting your umpteenth burn in the last few months from training like a maniac.

There are many other cyclists. They knew the above information, and set out on some epic journeys. If you are all alone to start, chances are you'll meet someone out there and it'll help make the hours fly by.

You'll feel like a rockstar for looking the nasty weather that tried to foil your long ride in the face and saying: "You don't scare me! Maybe I'll even ride an extra hour! Ha!" And you get bragging rights when you return home to find your roomies have played Scrabbble all day because it was "just too nasty outside to go anywhere". Your coolness factor for today is exponentially greater than theirs. Give yourself a pat on the back. And a giant sandwich.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

To stay fit? To meet people? To be outdoors? These are all great reasons why people fall in love with and stick with triathlon. There's a sense of pride associated with calling oneself a triathlete.

But in the end, what matters most? All those miles you logged, or the relationships you had along the way. As triathletes, we need our support group to help us meet our goals. And sometimes we get so caught up in training, we forget to take the time out to thank the people who've encouraged us, and perpetually lobbied to spend some quality time with us, even though we might have habitually refused--gotta get up at 4:30am! Late dinner? No way.

Remember to keep everything in perspective. Maybe Thursday night drinks with the guys isn't something you want to do while training for an Ironman. Good call. But, let's say at least once a week, make time to do non-triathlon stuff with the people you love and encourage them in their endeavors. Sure, you might not understand how embroidery fascinates your grandma so much, but she'll be happy just to have you around--or glad that you made the effort to call her on the phone.

Make these small efforts and in the end, you'll be proud of your athletic accomplishments and the richness of your relationships.

Monday, March 12, 2007

The symptoms are strangely similar: feelings of irritation or anger, feelings of depression, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, increased sensitivity to emotional stress, increased aches and pains. So how do you know if you need to begin rehabilitating yourself from overtraining, or if you just need a Midol? Or, in general, if you're just in a "funk" at the moment, and it's not overtraining, you just have developed a very bad mood. (Stress at work? Annoying cousin in town?)

While overtraining might make you a jerk, there are other performance-based symptoms you can analyze to see if it's time to rest your poor overworked body. Overtraining can be seen as long-lasting fatigue and worsening of competitive performance. But before you go out and run a 10K to compare it to your PR, then decide since it was a few minutes slower, you should throw in the towel, you realize: hey, I just finished a heavy week of training! How can I compare this time with the one I got when I was tapered?

The Peaks Coaching Group has a good article about recognizing the difference between normal fatigue from pushing yourself to achieve maximum gain and fatigue from months of overuse.

According to them, these are the main symptoms of overtraining you should be on the lookout for, then compare them to how you normally feel after a hard workout:

Deep muscle soreness. Chronic injury? Feels like your bones are on fire? Hopefully you never feel this way, but if you do, you might be overtrained.

Inability to get your heart rate up. Now you can use "Potential Overtraining" as an excuse when your significant other questions your recent purchase of a Garmin Forerunner 305. "You don't want me to get injured, do you!"

Loss of appetite and diarrhea. As a triathlete, you are proud that you're the human garbage compactor at every meal. Should this stop, something is very very wrong.

Can't sleep, and feel like you don't get enough sleep. Yes, the general population experiences this too, that's why we see "Lunesta" ads all over the TV, but usually you sleep like a baby because your workouts make you tired. Something's up.

So while your mental state might resemble PMS, or (for the guys) general moodiness and irritability (mean boss? needy girlfriend?) there are definitely other factors you can watch out for to make sure you haven't overdone it. If popping a Midol, or telling off your boss/girlfriend (mentally! Not out loud!) doesn't get rid of the problem, start assessing yourself with the list above. And don't be afraid to give yourself some rest. If you don't do it now, overtraining will catch up with you later and your recovery will take much longer.

Friday, March 9, 2007

As the saying goes, there are two types of cyclists: Those who have crashed and those who will. So chances are, at some point in your triathlon career, you will witness the one thing cyclists fear most: the crash. Whether it be with a car, in a pace line, or from hitting something in the road, the crash is a scary scary thing. Here's what to do:

If it's YOU:

Assuming you're still conscious (yes, that's pessimistic, but let's hope you are!), GET OFF THE ROAD. You know how in Roadrunner and Coyote cartoons, after something really bad already happens to the coyote, an anvil falls on his head? You don't want a car running you over because you were lying in the road after you've already broken your collar bone .

If you were riding with a buddy, let them handle the rest. Your adrenaline is pumping and you're probably not in your right mind to handle the situation with much finesse.

If it was a car-cyclist accident, your buddy should make sure to get all the driver's information. Do not admit to anything.

In the case of possible head trauma, DON'T MOVE (that is, once you're off the road, if you could get off). That's why the paramedics strap you to a hard board and immobilize your head. They don't want anything to possibly shift and do damage to your head and neck.

Get a Road ID. (Clearly, do it now before you crash.)

If it's your BUDDY:

Try not to freak out. Really really hard. Seeing you freak out will only freak your buddy out and then he/she'll probably start fidgeting when he/she shouldn't move. (Yes, even if there is lots of blood. Heads bleed a lot--even if they're not cut too deep, so don't immediately assume your buddy's brain is contemplating leaping out of his/her head.)

Call 911. If there are any injuries more than a scraped knee, your friend needs to be checked out. Especially if it was an accident involving a driver, even if your friend seems fine, it's good to have that documentation for later.ALWAYS CARRY A CELL PHONE on your rides.

DON'T FREAK OUT! If you're a serious cyclist, chances are if your friend goes down, it will be at a pretty high speed. Think descending at 28+ mph, not falling over in a driveway. The results can be quite unpleasant. You will be no help to your buddy if they are still conscious and ask you "How bad is it?", which they probably will. Your answer? "You'll be fine, it's not too bad." NOT: HOLY Sh!#! Your head is gushing blood! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Remember: It's fine to freak out when everything is said and done. Maybe you won't feel it right away, but it is very taxing to witness a friend in such a state of pain. Your body is stressed enough mentally and emotionally. And don't worry about making up your missed workout. Return to your rides only when you're up to it! (Same goes for you if you were the victim. Don't push getting back on your bike!)

This article was a bit gruesome, but the crash is a fact of trilife. If you're prepared, you have a good chance of helping the outcome positively, and not making it worse.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Well that's kind of redundant. Aren't all accidents unexpected? Look back Friday for a new post to TriathleteDiva.com. An accident victim (he's going to be ok!) needs her full attention right now. Thank you!

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

It's hard to imagine, isn't it? But what would you do if you couldn't do triathlon. Or if there were no triathlon? Would you sleep in? Buy a vacation home with the thousands of dollars you would save in race fees and bike parts?

It's a simple enough question, but if you really get to thinking about it, what WOULD you do. It's a toughie. Especially if you're training for an Ironman, your life gets defined in triathlon terms. What workout you're doing this morning, this evening. You're not eating "breakfast", you're "powering up" or eating "good recovery food". Dinner is not dinner! It's "carbo loading"! Work is the place you go to make enough money to finance that "race" trip to the south of France (you don't go on "vacations"!) Your family is your "cheer squad" and "support structure" and your car is simply a giant bike bag.

So if there were no triathlon...no Kona to dream about, what would you do? And to make the question fair, you can't just switch to being a runner, swimmer or cyclist. Try to look at your life outside the athletic scope. You'd still love the outdoors. You'd still have that drive to challenge yourself in strange ways...like maybe run 50 miles on trails in one day. But there'd be no finish line. Only you would know of your accomplishment. Who knows?

Monday, March 5, 2007

You wear it ever day. Prance around in front of the mirror, marveling at your muscles bulging through the tight material. But what exactly is this magical fabric every triathlete must come to love and embrace? Where did it come from? Just what can it do?

History:

Spandex was invented in 1959 by DuPont chemist Joseph Shivers. Plenty early enough for cyclists and other people to try it out before it became all highly refined and perfected for triathletes.

What IS it?

Spun from a block copolymer, these fibers exploit the high crystallinity and hardness of polyurethane segments, yet remain "rubbery" due to alternating segments of polyethyleneglycol. (Straight from Wikipedia. If you didn't take Organic Chemistry in college and can't draw the polymers, no worries. It's just the science behind the cool things Spandex does!)

Fun Spandexeriffic Facts:

can be stretched over 600% without breaking (woah)

able to be stretched repetitively and still recover original length (so, say you wear it at your race weight +20, it should still theoretically fit and not be stretched out when you loose the jiggle )

Spandex is one cool invention. Most Halloween costumes are made of the stuff because DC Comics superheroes all wore spandex (or so we've come to believe. How else could they get their costumes so skin tight?)

Being a triathlete, you can dress up in it every day. You can wear bright colors. Heck, you can even wear a jersey with a big "S" on the back and not be committed to an institution for playing superhero in public at age 50.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Surely some of you triathletes have pristine driving records. You should be proud, because chances are, you're the rare exception among your tribuddies. Here are 5 reasons why the difference between their insurance premium and yours is enough for you to buy a new carbon fiber frame every year:

They shout "rolling" and run through red lights when they think the coast is clear.

They stick their arm out the window in an attempt to halt traffic as they cut across 3 lanes to get into a left turn lane, believing those other guys will stop.

They point at potholes, then swerve around them, usually ending up half way in another person's lane.

They "draft" large trucks and people driving H2s, then explain they can't figure out why it took them so long to stop while the driver of the aforementioned expensive mantruck inspects his bashed in chrome rear bumper.

They explain it's their turn to "take the pull" as they gun it past a line of cars then jam themselves in what they call the "front of the paceline".

Luckily, there are things you can do to help these poor trigeek souls. Like offering to drive. All of the time. Maybe they'll even offer to chip in for gas, but if they don't, don't feel badly--you get a new carbon fiber frame, after all, while they're the reason your local State Farm agent is currently on vacation in Bermuda.