Jawad worked in sales in Syria before the war began. When his father found out he was gay, he had him arrested.

After five years of hard labour, he emerged a broken man, only to find his country at war. Estranged from his family, he found himself dangerously exposed.

Soon after his release, he was gang raped at gun point by four men from an armed group.

"They could tell I was gay," he told me, through stifled sobs, looking out over the Beirut cityscape.

“I have nothing but my body to sell - that was my reward for the Syrian revolution.”

- Jawad, Syrian refugee

His vulnerability made him an easy target for this brutal weapon of war. Now in Lebanon, where he thought he could start again, he works as a prostitute.

"I have nothing but my body to sell. That was my reward for the Syrian revolution."

It might come as little surprise that gay men and women don't have the easiest time in the Middle East. But it was not always so.

In many ways modern attitudes to homosexuality in the Middle East are similar to western European attitudes of the 19th and 20th Century - religious zeal and a specific vision of gender roles.

Those convicted of committing homosexual acts in Europe faced the death penalty. In the Middle East at this time, same-sex relations were relatively commonplace and accepted.

But colonialism brought the influence of Western prudishness and a codification of anti-gay laws.

The result was that homosexuality became effectively illegal in every Arab country. From "debauchery" in Egypt, to anti-sodomy laws in Tunisia and "acts against nature" in Lebanon - now all enforced with varying levels of severity.

While western Europe became more accepting, the Middle East went the opposite direction.

Now in a context of increasingly deeply conservative cultural and religious attitudes, the prospects for change are grim.

Totally Alone

The gay community lacks a support network

But the distant memory of "the Arab Spring" did promise some change.

Protests across the region called for "dignity" and "respect" - values long associated with the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) movement.

From Egypt to Syria, these dreams have turned into nightmares for most - not just the gay community.

But meeting with gay refugees in Lebanon demonstrated why their plight is perhaps especially significant - gay people have become refugees from both their country, and their families.

This is a region where the family or ethnic network provides not just emotional support, but much of the practical help the state is unable to deliver.

In a time of war, where the state begins to break down, these connections become vital for survival.

When a Syrian refugee arrives in Lebanon, Jordan or Turkey, they often have someone they can call - a relative, a friend, even just an old neighbour.

But without family support, a gay man or woman fleeing the war does so totally alone.

None of the gay men and women I met had anyone to call. And some - even after escaping the regime or Islamic State - had been hunted down by their own families.

The very opposite to the kind of care and help they needed. Gay people become targets of the state, the groups fighting it, and their own families.

"When you lose the familiarity of your surroundings, you are left exposed and in danger," says Tarek Zeidan, from Helem, a long running LGBT non-governmental organisation (NGO) in Lebanon.

"It is secrecy that keeps most gay people alive in the Middle East."

That familiarity is totally shattered when a gay refugee arrives in a foreign country, often living in close quarters with people who would do him harm. In some cases - such as Jawad's - they turn to what Tarek calls "survival sex".

Minorities

It is not known what proportion of the millions of refugees fleeing Syria are gay because most don't register with the UN, but young LGBT men and women escaping the war appear every day at the offices of Proud Lebanon, one of the only NGOs in the region helping the LGBT community.

Its director, Bertho Makso, explained what it's like being gay and Syrian in Lebanon: "Well you know he will be carrying all the problems that he was facing in his country.

"He'll flee to Lebanon hoping that he will be accepted. It's true that the image of Lebanon is reflecting an open-minded society.

"However, it's not the case in all the societies in Lebanon, because Lebanon is many Lebanons. And in every society there is discrimination and trauma.

"He faces a double discrimination. First because he is Syrian, and second because he is LGBT."

It is perhaps their status as a minority that makes gay people vulnerable in the Middle East.

Bertho Makso says discrimiation is rife

The rise of Islamist regimes in the wake of popular uprisings may have reinforced already conservative attitudes towards them, but new regimes keen on consolidating power have - whatever their political or religious leaning - found in the gay community an easy target.

It is almost impossible to formulate an accurate overview of attacks or arrests of LGBT people.

They are rarely recorded on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity and often governments simply deny them. Victims are also often too scared to come forward.

But in Egypt, President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi has not reversed the practices of his predecessors.

Most recently, the security services were accused of infiltrating online dating sites to entrap gay men.

One application, Grindr, actually urged users to hide their identities.

In Morocco recently a gay British tourist found himself in prison for "homosexual acts" - it was only after an online petition was set up that he was freed.

And in Lebanon, the country's morality police have been accused of brutalising the gay men they take into custody, and performing these same anal tests which are supposed to have been outlawed - charges they deny.

Class and Freedom

One refuge in the region for some is Israel, one of the most progressive countries in the world for LGBT rights.

Same-sex relationships are protected by law, and the only annual gay pride march in the Middle East takes place in Tel Aviv - regarded as an international gay capital.

Since 1993 - well before the US and other Western countries - openly gay people have been allowed to serve in the military. Palestinians from conservative homes have also fled to Israel to avoid persecution.

And, of course, the experiences of gay people in the Middle East are as varied and contrasting as the region itself.

Living an openly gay life in Saudi Arabia, for example, would be impossible and vastly different compared with an open life in Lebanon.

But as with so much in the region, socio-economic status dictates relative freedom.

Bars and clubs for gay people do exist in Lebanon, for example, but these are only really accessible to those who can afford their expensive drinks.

Ahmed, a successful businessman from Sidon, is "out" to some of his friends.

But, he told me, this is because "I can afford to be". When it comes to telling his family, that is a different story.

They own the company for which he works, and he fears telling them would remove the very economic freedom that allows him to live at least part of his life as a gay man.

Jawad and the men I met at Proud live a very different life.

They have become the targets of a nation struggling to support the huge number of refugees coming into Lebanon.

Like other minorities, they are easily blamed for problems for which they bear little responsibility.

Facing these issues without their families - or even against them - makes their struggle almost impossible to deal with.

Fighting For Their Rights

Rights groups continue to fight for LGBT freedoms in the region, combating widespread homophobia in society to ensure political leaders can find no willing constituency for their anti-gay views.

Gay activism is difficult, and often restricted to the internet because of the lack of public support.

GayEgypt.com was one forum for people to discuss their sexualities and religious beliefs in a safer place - but had to close under constant threat of infiltration by the security services.

Boris Dittrich, from Human Rights Watch, explains how the organisation tackles the issue.

"Our experience in the Middle East is that singling out LGBT people as a vulnerable group doesn't resonate with the general audience or with decision makers.

“Gay rights are human rights - you can't distinguish one from the other. ”

- Sherine el Feki, Author

"They will view LGBT people as a separate category they can neglect."

"Best is to embed attention to human rights abuses against LGBT people in a bigger frame."

"For instance address the issue of police abuse against several vulnerable groups - migrants, people with disabilities, unmarried women, drugs users et cetera - and include information about abuse of LGBT people."

"Social attitudes might change when the general audience can relate to personal stories of LGBT people. They then will realise their son or daughter, their neighbour or colleague could be gay or lesbian."

"The problems of LGBT people thus become concrete and relatable. Usually, straight allies are convincing partners to address discrimination of LGBT people."

It may seem as though gay rights come far down the list of priorities in a region plagued by war and violence.

As a gay friend in Egypt told me when I asked him if he thought he'd have an easier life after President Hosni Mubarak was toppled: "One thing at a time."

But as Sherine el Feki, author of Sex and the Citadel, points out: "Gay rights are human rights. You can't distinguish one from the other."

It has been a turbulent few years in a region of people struggling to forge better lives.

A truly democratic system, some would argue, is a more pluralistic one.

Perhaps one of the true markers of success will be how its minorities come to be treated - including the LGBT community.

Me and the husband watched this over dinner last night, and we both reminisced over our childhood memories of Halloween. It's funny how you grow out of many things, and I wouldn't have thought I'd be watching this at my age since we don't have any kids in our home (yet*), but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.

Luis, in his own words:"(Being gay) means that I am a man who likes men. It shouldn't mean anything else, but unfortunately it also means that I have less rights than other people and that I am discriminated against.

(With regards to challenges) Just too many. I had a sad childhood, with almost no friends, just because I was considered to be "different" and needed to "adapt". I needed too much time to finally come out of the closet. I also changed majors twice because I had no clue about what I really wanted to do with my life. And then there's my health issues: I'm waiting for my second kidney transplant.

(With regards to the gay community in Santiago) I'd say it replicated the class patterns of the general population in the sense that it isn't very likely that a high and a low-class gay guy will become friends. And I'd also say that to a certain extent it is still ghettoized, because gays don't feel comfortable at their workplaces or families so they tend to isolate from the rest of society and make strong bonds with other gays.

I took a very long while to acknowledge that I was gay, mainly because at the time I didn't have any role models. There weren't any gays or lesbians in my social circles. Fortunately I had the opportunity to spend a semester in Berlin while in university, and that helped me a lot because it was the first time I met gay guys and was in stable relationships, which was very inspiring to me. Soon after coming back to Chile, after a last date with a girl which made me realize there was no option whatsoever I could be straight, I started dating a guy that ended up being my boyfriend for a couple of years. I was so happy that I never told anyone to keep the secret. In a couple of days everybody knew, except my family. I didn't dare tell my parents, so I asked a psychologist to do so. It proved better that way cause they already had the reassuring opinion of a "specialist" before talking to me. It was a harsh conversation but I was well prepared and happy, which they ended up noticing and finally accepting.

I hate it when people say they wouldn't do anything different if they had the chance to. I'd do so many things different! I'd tell my younger self to stop trying to fit and start trying to discover who he really is. To travel more, meet different people, and stop listening to those who kept trying to make him a uniformed person."

In the essay, published Thursday, Cook said that he has never denied being gay, but has not publicly discussed his sexuality until now: "So let me be clear: I’m proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me."

He described how his sexuality has given him an acute social perspective.

"Being gay has given me a deeper understanding of what it means to be in the minority and provided a window into the challenges that people in other minority groups deal with every day. It’s made me more empathetic, which has led to a richer life. It’s been tough and uncomfortable at times, but it has given me the confidence to be myself, to follow my own path, and to rise above adversity and bigotry. It’s also given me the skin of a rhinoceros, which comes in handy when you’re the CEO of Apple."

"[Alabama is] still too slow on equality for the LGBT community," he said, per the Associated Press, while calling for laws protecting people based on sexual orientation and gender identity. "Under the law, citizens of Alabama can still be fired based on their sexual orientation. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it and we can create a different future."

Since then, Cook himself has seemingly dropped hints about his sexuality. Last year, during a speech about human rights at Auburn University Cook discussed the discrimination he faced as a young person, according to ValleyWag.

"Since these early days, I have seen and have experienced many types of discrimination and all of them were rooted in the fear of people that were different than the majority," he said.

It is incredibly powerful that Mr. Cook has proudly confirmed that he is gay... As one of the most powerful men in the tech world and the leader of a global business powerhouse, he is helping to shatter the "pink ceiling" that so many young gay men believe limit their possibilities to succeed in the business world.

Positive images of people like me... The truth of the matter is that we all need to see people like ourselves. So everyday, I'll post a photo, drawing or some other artwork that depicts Same Gender Loving People as what we are... Only Human.

Let’s face it, modern masculine gay men of color have been programmed to think that the only way to meet other Gay men for dating is online on sex hookup sites. There are many masculine men (like the founders of Discreet City) that don’t even visit those sites, so many guys are missing out on quality potential mates.

The number one question Discreet City gets in emails is, “How do I meet other masculine Gay men?” Well here’s your ultimate guide. Discreet City’s Nick Delmacy joins GuyTrap.com founder Stingwood to share the top 12 ways to get those precious 7-digits from the man in your sights…whether you know if he’s Straight or Gay.

NICK D:
Obviously it helps to approach a guy for potential dating if you already know that he’s Gay. And if you’re like me, you prefer to meet a guy at least as masculine as yourself. We get so many emails from young readers asking “How can you tell that a masculine man is Gay?” The easiest answer: Ask Him. I’m serious.
You may not want to be that direct, but there are still many indirect questions that can be inserted into normal conversation that will let you know if a man is Gay/Bisexual. One “straight” friend that I was interested in mistakenly slipped up and said “X-Tube” instead of “YouTube.” Whether he slipped up on purpose to give me a hint or not, it was all I needed to begin putting the moves on him without fear that he was actually heterosexual. Before that moment, we both assumed that the other was straight. Key things to remember though: Don’t bank all of your dating prospects into seemingly heterosexual men and don’t waste a lot of time playing the “is he or isn’t he Gay” guessing games.

When it all comes down to it, you may meet men that you hope are Gay but aren’t. They may convince you that they’re straight or maybe they eventually see your clues and tell you that they’re just not into you (in that way). This is fine, at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with having more friends, even sexy straight ones.

STINGWOOD:
Have you ever seen a super-hot guy wander off with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.

NICK D:
The mistake that many of us make is prejudging potential objects of affection on what we THINK they’re attracted to before we’ve even said one word to them. You see a muscular guy and just assume that he ONLY likes other muscular men. This could be far from the case; you could be the just type he’s looking for. Also, remember this: No matter how fine a guy is, he’s still got some insecurity of his own. Sexy men can be shy too.

Confidence goes a long way. I’ve even been a victim of it in the past to guys I wasn’t superficially attracted to but had the courage to approach. Dope personality, style, swag, demeanor, intellect, etc can get me to give up the digits just as fast a sexy body or a cute face. Careful not to become TOO confident, though. No matter how attractive or unattractive a guy is, being the “groper” in a party/club just comes of sleazy.

NICK D:
I’ve mentioned this before but it’s worth repeating: Let go of the antiquated Gender Roles! If you’re a Bottom that doesn’t want to be considered a woman, then stop wanting to be treated like one from an old 1950’s movie. I get it, you’re submissive…but that doesn’t mean you can’t at least make the initial contact to get the ball rolling.

Tops, just like many heterosexual men, can be shy and/or wallflowers as well. Sometimes they need help breaking the ice. My grandmother always used to say: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. If you don’t even try to go after what you want, you can’t complain when it doesn’t come to you.

NICK D:
It’s a Numbers Game. Think of rejection as a good thing. Its practice for the next man you talk to at the party. Approaching only one guy at a party or club is pretty much a wasted evening if your goal is to meet men…especially if he rejects you. And yes, you must get out of the house and go to a party or club where there is a likely chance gay men will be. You can’t be a hermit locked away in your house and complain about how hard it is to meet men.
One thing that helped me in the early days was saying this to myself, “I’m not leaving here until I get at least 3-5 phone numbers.” That didn’t necessarily mean that I was looking for sex with all of them, it was just simple conversation that eventually led to me asking for their phone number.

STINGWOOD:
To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where gay men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can’t strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick-up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.

NICK D:
Right and one last thing, don’t worry about guys you’ve already talked to seeing you. If they’re adults, they know what the deal is…If anything it can make you look more popular, attractive and desirable.

STINGWOOD:
Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.

NICK D:
The three-second rule is so essential. How many times have you seen someone you found attractive at a party but internally talked yourself out of approaching him. Or worse, you just keep glancing at him the whole evening, trying to build up the confidence to approach not knowing that he’s already noticed you looking and now you’re just coming off as a creepy stalker. Whenever you move around the party to a place he’s standing it looks like you’re following him. CREEPY!

So in the future, if three seconds go by before you make an attempt to approach him, let him go…move on to the next. Also, don’t get caught up on him being the best looking guy at the party thus being the only one worth approaching. In the chance that he rejects you, it’ll ruin the rest of your night. No man is THAT good looking. Whenever you think you’ve seen the best looking man in the world, hop onto a male admiration Tumblr blog…You’ll see that there are PLENTY more sexy men out there of all ages, shapes and sizes.

STINGWOOD:
An approach is an excuse – any excuse – to start a conversation with someone: “How do I get to Hyatt Hotel?” “There’s some lint on your collar.” “I noticed something about you…” The easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say “hi.” Forget pick up lines like “I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”— they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.

NICK D:
If you’re unsure what to say to begin a conversation, just remember this: saying ANYTHING is better than saying NOTHING. I’ve met masculine men in many places by just striking up random conversations. I’ve met Masculine Gay guys in the gym just by just asking what goal were they working on, gaining muscle or losing weight. I even met a guy at a gas station by just saying the four magic words, “Yo…You look familiar.” If you’re at a bar/club, my go-to approach is to ask say, “Yo, what kind of drink is that, it looks good…” If I’m he’s receptive by giving me his number (and I’m feeling generous), I might throw a bonus in and buy him a new drink at the end of our conversation.

But if you go generic and use any of the above statements, try to still be interesting. If he has tons of tattoos, don’t just say, “I like your tattoos” and leave it at that. Plus I’m sure he’s heard that MANY times before. Get him involved by asking him what tattoo would look good on you. That way it becomes a conversation instead of an obvious attempt to hit on him.

STINGWOOD:
Once you’ve exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: “That wasn’t your car on fire in the parking lot, was it?” “Did you see those two guys fighting outside?” Or get an opinion: “Hey, can I ask you a question? What’s the best way to get revenge on an ex? This guy I know…” Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details. Get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax. Sometimes it helps to give the opener a time constraint so that he thinks you’ll shortly be on your way (“I’ve got to go find my friend, but…).

NICK D:
Yeah, it’s all about conversation skills. It’s like a good job interview…showing up is just half the battle. Admittedly it helps if it’s a place where you’ll see the guy again, that way you can plant what I call “Conversation Seeds.” These are short nuggets of dialogue that gets the guy comfortable with over time (days/weeks) so that it won’t be awkward when you ask for his number.

For God’s sake, whatever you do, DON’T ask for his Facebook, Twitter or Instagram handle. Especially at the end of the first conversation. No matter how much you want to keep in contact with him, this comes off as “stalkerish.” Do like most people and get as much information as possible so that you can Google Search him when you get home. Stalk in Private (just kidding, just kidding).

STINGWOOD:
Keep him off balance when he suspects you’re trying to pick him up. This allows time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in a friendly way while pretending you’re not really that interested sexually.

NICK D:
Keep it casual and don’t come off desperate or “thirsty.” Ultimately you want him to think, “This is a guy that I want to get to know more of…”

However also remember that every connection doesn’t have to be a “Love Connection.” If you have a good conversation yet no contact information is exchanged, chalk it up to experience/practice and move on to the next guy. Meeting guys that you don’t click with can still help you in the long run. They may play matchmaker in the future and introduce you to one of their friends that’s perfect for you.

The lower your expectations, then the lower your disappointment will be. If you have that attitude, it usually has the opposite effect when meeting men. They become more interested in you, the less you seem interested in them. This can backfire if you seem too disinterested though. Checking text messages or glancing around the room for your next target DURING your conversation with him is body language that says you’re bored.

STINGWOOD:
When you meet a guy, don’t stop talking- just stop talking aimlessly. Learn to be funny and entertaining and cast yourself in a positive light in the stories you tell. Tell him how great your new gym routine is making you feel.

Talk about ex-boyfriends or hang a “friend” around your shoulder to demonstrate that others think you’re attractive. In other words, give him enough ammunition to justify an attraction towards you. Once an attraction develops, you’ll see the signals in his eyes and body language.

NICK D:
Again, meeting a guy is like that first Job Interview. The best interviews I’ve ever been on were conversational and free flowing. I also sold myself very well and was sure to compliment the person/company I was being interviewed by. The same applies to this first conversation. Just relax, be yourself and keep your expectations in check.

STINGWOOD:
Without touching there is no sex. To get the ball rolling, touch early and often. Make sure your touches are sensual and motivating, not crude sexual pawing. Examine his cool wristwatch. Flatten his mussed-up collar. Slap away his too-familiar fingers. Read his palm. Test his kiss-ability quotient. Your fleeting touches will leave him begging for more.

NICK D:
Touching is okay as long as you do it with a purpose. Groping is not what we’re talking about. Copping cheap feels is not a good idea (unless you know that he’s down for it). Something as simple as holding his hand a little longer than normal on that first and last handshake/dap can be enough to tell him that you’re interested. A gentle hand on his shoulder or back while leaning in to his ear can often give off the non-verbal communication needed to get the digits.

NICK D:
It amazes me how many guys go to Gay parties and clubs hoping to meet guys but they STAY attached to their friends at the hip ALL NIGHT LONG! For starters, staying THAT close to their “best friend” makes it look like they actually came with their boyfriend. So they scare off potential mates. Secondly, most guys don’t like to pick up men if they’re surrounded by their friends. Even straight men generally don’t like to do this. Remember, the goal is to get him to focus on YOU.

STINGWOOD:
You can accelerate this process by leading him to a neutral location away from his friends. Continue developing rapport and sexual interest. Invite him to a quiet corner of the bar, outside for a breath of air or to a nearby pizza place.

NICK D:
Some men, especially attractive masculine men, feel odd when they’re in the middle of a club/party/event and after you talk you pull out your cell phone to get his number. Not only is this somewhat emasculating, it also advertises to all those around that you got the digits. This may be off-putting and make him hesitant to share contact information, especially if he has a lot of admirers. He may want to keep up the appearance that he NEVER gives up the number to ANYONE.

What’s worked for me in the past is to lean in and ask the man to tell the numbers to me in my ear. Once we separate and I’m alone, I pull out my cell phone and punch in his number. Most times, I’ll immediately send a text reminding him of my name and a descriptive trait so he’ll know who I am when he sees the message.

With some men, all this won’t be necessary. They’ll just grab your cell phone, punch in their number and call it so that their phone rings, giving them your number too. These are the guys that REALLY like you. They want to make sure that they get your number and let everyone else in the party know as well. This can ultimately prove to be both a gift and a curse (see my later post about obsessive dudes). I prefer not to use this method because in the past I’ve been handed password locked or hard-to-figure-out smartphones that just create awkward moments of fumbling around.

NICK D:
If he’s texting or calling you even before you leave the party, it means he wants’ to have sex that night. Seriously. I’ve seen it time after time. The only alternative is that they’re lonely and can’t wait to have real human interaction. But typically when they’re that thirsty, they just want sex. Its up to you if that’s also what you want. Tons of essays could be written on whether sex on the first night of meeting each other can still lead to relationships. If sex was your goal in the first place, then you’re good to go.

STINGWOOD:
It takes two to tango. Back at your pad, ask him to pick out some soft music, or turn down the lights, or massage your back. Let him be your partner in setting up the sex scene. You might both be surprised by what develops naturally. Make him feel at ease and develop things naturally.

Co-Author Stingwood is the founder of the now defunct GuyTrap.com, a Gay discussion website where men traded hints and tips on attraction, love and sex topics.

******

* The title of this article was modified from the original text of "Art of Seduction: The Top 12 Ways To Pick Up Gay/Bisexual Men of Color" to reflect that I think the advice given here is clearly applicable to how to "meet" men and not neccessarily just for the intentions of sex which the original title misleadingly implies.

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