my repeating nightmaresMonday, October 3, 2005› by victoriaPerhaps my repetetive nightmares have something to do with the fact I've quit smoking. I don't know. It's unnerving to keep on having nightmares about gaining a few pounds of stomach pudge, it really is...I don't feel like I'm gaining a lot of weight, but enough so that it always looks like I've just drank 1 and a half 20 ounce bottles of soda when I sit down and my jeans are kinda ouchy at the top. This is my repeating nightmare. I know that Biff would never say anything out-and-out whether I gained a lot of weight or whatnot, but as we were walking down by the Lakefront yesterday (where they were holding the Milwaukee marathon) we were talking about working out, and I mentioned that I used to work out on the stairmaster back in highschool and it didn't do shit for my physique.

Biff: "Well, working out on the stairmaster would naturally build up your gluteus muscles so of course it wouldn't make someone's bum look smaller. Besides, you don't need to work out on machines like that, you have great legs."

Me: "yay!"

But then he started talking about ab workouts and even though he didn't say anything outright or rude or mean, I feel like I should be doing Denise Austen's ABS OF STEEL right now.

Quitting smoking, I knew you would do this to me! Oh you heartless bastard of quitting-ness!

So far, other than letting me breathe a bit more deeply, I don't feel it has really done anything to make me feel better about myself. Indeed, I feel more insecure about my appearance than before: it seems like my face will never be smooth and clear again and that goddamn small amount of stomach pudge. It didn't help that last week, the college newspaper published a "meet the Viewpoints Staff!" picture profile of every Editorial staff worker including yours truly. And my photograph was an abomination: I won't throw slurs at the photographer even though she deserves them, but the fluourescent lighting and bad hair day and harsh white background combined to make me unrecognizably bad looking.

I think i'm just being really down on myself today.

In other news, Ralston's TASTEEOS taste like nasty when combined with soymilk. Soymilk really only goes with Magic Stars, which we are out of currently.