Scribbles of unadulterated thought

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In the belly of a demon I lay,
unable to speak,
unable to breathe,
watching my life turn to disarray.

He’s taken my life and given me pain.
Wrecking and corrupting everything around,
Defecating on my name,
until you vomit at the sound.

In a nutshell I’m bound, but I’m king of no space.As long as I’m here, failure will be all I taste.

I think about my wife and kids and how much pain they’re in.
Allowing my life to be controlled by this terrible demon.
Kneeling and praying I gather the strength,
Stiffening my spine, I’m not ready for defeat.

Pushing my way,
deep through his veins,
I crawl the space where his motives are contained.

One by one I start to disassemble,
until it’s me that this body starts to resemble.
A little weakened, a little bit tired,
I push onward because my family is what matters.

I will slay this demon for myself and them.
Ending his life and the evil intentions.
He fights for my soul,
but I refuse to let him take control.

My spirit continues to expand and grow.
There is only room for one of us now,
and he knows.
His desperation is starting to show.

Afraid of losing his grip,
He squeezes tighter and tighter.
But he picked the wrong guy this time,
I was born to be fighter.

Digging deep, I reach for my sword of faith.
With a confident swing, the blade slides under his ears.
Connective tissue popping and snapping,
you will know longer be my puppeteer.

Now it’s my turn to take the reigns.
Control has been restored.
I am a father, son, brother, friend and husband reborn.

Your husband was strong, but was overcome.
He boasted a heart of gold but now he’s done.
Sinking day by day, he would often pray,
but his soul slipped under my thumb.

He was a lover.
Loved to hold you and whisper in your ear.
Tell you secrets of passions, blushing when you hear.
But now he lives no more.
I drug his body through the door.
Away from you and your family,
I smothered his dreams finally.

He had morals and standards that I squashed.
In his blood, my hands were washed.
It was a long struggle, not an easy win,
but each time he got up, I struck him down again.

I killed your husband starting with deception,
Replacing his insides with ruin and corruption.
Pulled his eyes from his sockets so he was left blinded.
Lobotomized and hypnotized like the walking dead.

It went unnoticed while you watched TV,
I crept into his mind like a disease.
Convinced him of lies and deceit,
Promises of desires and needs.

I killed your husband
as he stood on his feet.
cut off at the knees,
I broke him down. Defeated.

I slipped into his place and destroyed his home,
Waking a path of destruction until everything was gone.
I’m not the same guy you married.
I’m cynical and jaded.

Say goodbye to the reputation and image.
I’ve damaged it all.
Say hello to a new label
One that will bring judgment from all.

I killed your husband, now all that’s left is me.
And now our family is in misery.
I can feel him inside.
But he’s way too deep to be seen.

It’s my fault I know, how the end came about.
But for so long, before there was doubt,
about my actions or infidelity.
There were arguments and punitive activities.

I was never good enough for you,
at least that’s how I feel now.
Too many sorrys and I love yous
that it doesn’t matter now.

Though I only heard those words from your lips once or twice,
It was always my fault when things wouldn’t turn out right.
I did everything for you.
I worked two jobs, went to school, and cooked at night.

I DO know what love is when I’m laying in a pool of my own snot and tears.
Crying to touch my family in the case I’m unable to for years
This is the loneliest I’ve been in my life,
away from my children and my wife.

I’ve missed your breath and touch of your skin,
but I understand why, with me you haven’t been.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming you for this,
I know it’s me that is covered with sin.

I just need you to believe me when I say,
my love for you will last forever and a day.
And I’m truly sorry for the pain I’ve put you though.
Since our world has crashed down, I’ve lost my direction of what to do.

The tapping of my foot is like bad techno and irritating words.
Indecision and imagination have got me wound up like the words of two countries at war.
Torn apart like a rag doll, my heart falls to the sides where two dark angels dig to the core.
But there is no sustenance, for either of them.

Like flavorless salt I’m tossed to the street, trampled under foot rather than season for meat.
Hopeless romanticism of what might have been, I entertain a happy end for you and me.

We had history that meant something, and you’ve kept a piece of me that went missing long ago.
Like the ring that was supposed to take you home, it traveled a different road.
I’m not bitter, maybe I was just a quitter, I guess we’ll never know.
Still, you’ve comforted me in hard times and I pray our friendship continues to grow.

Divided in two, the dark angels’ thoughts brew.
The one on the left gives me hope while the one on the right says “you have no right”.
Wounded like a kicked dog, you’d have me flogged for the time I failed you.
But who’s to say that’s not fair with the impairment of your life that I’m responsible for.

I’ve loved you with all my heart except for the parts that had been given away.
Maybe I didn’t have enough to give.
My inadequacies were shown every day, in the way that we lived.
I hope one day a piece of your heart will manage to forgive.

I’ve left a path of destruction in many places I’ve gone.With each decision I’ve made it always seems to hurt someone.

Maybe I should stop deciding anything at all, until the queue is so tall that people are checking my pulse.
A permanent vegetative state of emotion I’ve already been accused of, may be less painful than repetitive injuries to myself
and others.
Comfortably numb, blind, deaf, and dumb screaming on the inside like a trapped animal who’s about to succumb
to the hunter.
A swishing sound comes from around me as black turns to white and my vision starts to return.
My eyes water from the stuffy air that’s like nails in a coffin.
The swishing turns to tapping, the rapping and tapping of two objects in space.
My body is tense and my neck refuses to break.
I’m shaking but the feeling’s remaining like an overstayed house guest.
The tapping and shaking are in syncopation, and only then do I realize but with hesitation.
The bad techno never stopped while my attention was dropped.
It was just a mental vacation.

Deep in my chest, are feelings no one can see.
Inside my cage of ribs are birds of misery.
Pecking at my gall bladder, as my heart has already been shattered.
The old crows know it’s only a matter of time, until I’m broken completely.

They squawk and I cry.
They flap their wings but are unable to fly.
Away from the world, and trapped inside,
most people have no idea of what’s kept inside.

One bird has no eyes,
just empty sockets and memories of tears, that once were cried.
He pecks aimlessly, hoping by chance to find some seed.
While I look for arms, from anyone that will put them around me.

The other bird is full of disease.
With decrepit wings and rotting feet, he’s falling apart piece by piece.
Unable to stand and unable to fly,
What is his reason for existence? Why should he even try to stay alive?

Separated from you, my life has been shattered.
Filling my life with distractions but nothing seems to matter, but you.
All I want is to be close to you, but my actions have hurt you.
Broken and alone, no matter how many are around.
Reminded of the pain, I can’t go anywhere in this town.

Every song thats sung, every hum thats hummed,
Every pleasant aroma that crosses my nose,
reminds me of your presence and hands I would hold.
I crave your affection and your gentle touch.
How we’d lay in bed and youd give me that nudge.
I knew you wanted me to put my arms around you.
Without making a sound, your thoughts in my mind were found.

How I miss your love, like an angel from above,
you were sent to change me.
To rearrange my priorities, and teach me.
You should know that youve reached me.
And no one else has had that same ability.
Like counting the stars, an act of futility.

Deep in my soul, like a planted seed thats grown,
Amazing at times when it shouldnt have survived,
It flourished from your nourishment.
Akin to the waters of life, is your loving touch.
You are my wife.