I loved this little story, and I think it deserves your attention if you've got ideas for continuing it. The spirit form mechanic was done so smoothly - truly, I envy the natural way you've used magic in this piece.

Almost without exception, I prefer secondary worlds, entirely fictional ones, over fantasy taking place on Earth. But I can forgive it here. It's sufficiently strange, its laws different enough, to keep things interesting.

I could ding you on a few instances of questionable punctuation or passive voice, but I really don't care to. This is good stuff.

Thank you for the kind (and very encouraging) words! And sorry it has taken me a few days to reply.

The plan for the next story is to follow Shirasawa north across the sea to a significantly altered version of underground China. I'm not sure if "darker" is the right term exactly, but her character will be tested. The working title is "Shirasawa's Rage" and hopefully it will continue many of the elements you enjoyed.

Thank you for the kind (and very encouraging) words! And sorry it has taken me a few days to reply.

The plan for the next story is to follow Shirasawa north across the sea to a significantly altered version of underground China. I'm not sure if "darker" is the right term exactly, but her character will be tested. The working title is "Shirasawa's Rage" and hopefully it will continue many of the elements you enjoyed.

Thanks again for the great comments!

Jay,

Welcome to our forum! We would all like for you to visit regular and often, commenting, maybe submit stories to the flash challenges in Fun and Games section (read the rules and join us).