The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it. --Mark Twain

November 13, 2006

On the Perils and Pleasures of Lunesta

There is allegedly a video of me dancing with a rolling trashcan in the street in front of my house. I've not seen it, and I hope that whoever (Padraic or Roxanne) has the video will do the responsible thing and delete it.

I went more than two years without sleeping through the night, so the doc put me on Lunesta. I started sleeping through the night immediately. There is a rather nasty side effect he failed to warn me about though: when mixed with alcohol, hilarity ensues. He did tell me I could have "a glass of wine" with the beautiful blue pill of happiness, but he never said how many ounces constitute "a glass."

Prior to last night the wonderful cobalt pill has caused me to get "lost" in my bathroom--a perfectly rectangular room with only one door--as well as empty dresser drawers in the middle of the night and blame my hot, non-somnambulatory hairdresser wife for it the next day. But last night I appear to have exceeded all previous Lunesta stories by an unfathomable factor. Dancing with a trash can, challenging a friend to a race (my trashcan versus your car), a bizarre smile and dial to a wrong number, and stories I'm sure I've yet to hear. (I called one friend who didn't answer her phone. Probably a good thing.)

I'm not going to stop taking this delightful little pill, but I have a new rule: no Lunesta 'til the last guest has departed for the night.

"Prior to last night the wonderful cobalt pill has caused me to get "lost" in my bathroom--a perfectly rectangular room with only one door--as well as empty dresser drawers ..."

the way you wrote that sentence it sounds like you have gotten lost in your bathroom and in empty dresser drawers. i know this isn't what you meant to say but based on personal observation of the night in question, i wouldn't rule it out in the future. :)

It is my duty, as an ass who has several- but only several- credit hours of pharmacology in his past, to make sure you're giving yourself at least eight hours between bed (post-pill bed, that is) and operating a motor vehicle.

Although, who knows. You're exactly the type to end up with "hysterical" stories after driving asleep for a couple of hours.

Well, I know this is going to be really radical for a mild suggestion, but it appears that I'm graced with superhuman powers--among which numbers something called "common sense." So let me fly in to save the day with the use of my superpowers here:

The Bible says not to be intoxicated, drunk. "Lunesta" always seemed to make me feel drunk or intoxicated, not in the same way as alcohol, but intoxicated, just the same. I guess some really low grade "lunesta" done in small amount would not have any effect, but then why bother? Isn't that stuff pretty expensive now a days? I used to pay about $30 an ounce for it.
That $30 could have gone to feed someone down on their luck. Shame on me.

In Christ we have freedom, but not licentiousness. Perhaps you consider these blogs and behaviours all in good fun, but I strongly suggest that you read the New Testament if you are going to claim to represent Jesus Christ to the world. Christians are called to be "in the world, not of the world," and your self-described drunken, abandoned, amoral, animal, carnal, corrupt, debauched, depraved, desirous, disorderly, dissolute, fleshly, impure, reprobate, salacious, satyric, scabrous, sensual, unconstrained, uncontrolled, uncurbed, unmoral, unprincipled, unruly, wanton behaviors are not representative of our Lord.

Thanks for all the adjectives for the search engines. Might I remind you that Jesus turned water into wine AFTER the rest of the wine had been consumed? Wine, not grape juice. And I strongly suspect you have no idea what "in not of" actually means. It has nothing to do with drinking or smoking or movies or parties. Sorry. You sound like a nice fundamentalist though, so welcome. I mean, you do seem concerned about my eternal destiny.

So what do you think ïn not of" means, Pastor Greg? That was a great list of adjectives, wasn't it. I had fun with that.

But again, if it has
"nothing to do with drinking or smoking or movies or parties", then what does it mean? Shouldn't our behaviors reflect a different set of standards than a non-believers simply because our God is not the author of "confusion, but of peace?"

You'll notice the email address is ex pastor, not current pastor. Also, next time you decide to preach at a non-fundy, leave the thesaurus on the shelf. Many of the words you use have the same meaning.

"Drag it around like a ball and chain,
Wallow in the guilt, wallow in the pain,
Wave it like a flag,
Wear it like a crown,
Got your mind in the gutter,
Bringing everybody down.
Bitch about the present,
Blame it on the past,
I'd like to find your inner child,
And kick its little ass.

Gee, greg, pretty soon the "god hates fags" crowd is going to descend. Or maybe they already have. Not sure what lunesta and Don Henley have in common, but sweet Jesus is testifying through his ever-loving helpers that you are fucked up, dude.

Odd. I've always found Pepsi better. But then, I was born in a family that found Pepsi better, and they taught that to me. Oh my... I just realized what deep ramifications this has for me... if they were wrong about the innerancy of Pepsi...

Also, while the adjectives were fun, it would have been better to un-alphabetize them. Make it more believable and all.

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