Dating tips for shy men

As a hypnotherapist, I see lots of men who want help with dating and relationship confidence. The typical client is an engineer type, introverted, often having been embarrassed by a woman giving a rather unkind “Hell no” rather than “Thank you for the invitation but I don’t want to.”

One bad experience can keep these gentle nice guys from making another attempt and that’s sad because, having married an engineer who was so shy I had to ask him out first, I know what great matches these guys can be.

I thought today I would give some tips to get you comfortable putting yourself out there and having dating success.

Don’t try to be a player. Don’t look at your friends who can approach any woman any time and try saying what they say. If you try to be something you are not, saying things you would never say, it will always come off as fake and you will get turned down. Be yourself.

Approach women in places THEY feel comfortable. Places like a crowded restaurant, a group event, or a church. NO asking women out at the GYM!!! While I admit there are some women who like this, in general women feel a bit vulnerable in gym clothes and you will likely get turned down.

Be found. I love meetup events for connecting with others. Go to events that resonate with you; if you like to hike or bike go to hiking and biking events since that’s where you are more likely to find people with similar interests and those will always make better matches. Guys, the odds you will meet your soul mate while playing a video game is basically zero so leave the house.

No lines. A sincerely expressed desire to get to know someone better said in a fumbling way will work better with a shy guy than a boldly stated, “I really think you are pretty, would you like to go get a drink?” NO! NO! NO!

No really personal compliments. Never ever ever say “You smell nice,” “Nice legs,” “You look good in that dress” to a strange woman; it will almost always come off as creepy and you will have zero chance of getting a date with this person.

Extend an invitation rather than “Ask a woman out.” I know it’s semantics but an invitation sounds like a sincere desire to get to know someone socially rather than “asking someone on a date,” which feels more threatening to both parties.

You are much more likely to get a yes if you extend that invitation after you have gotten to know a person a bit. A great example is going on a group hike on let’s say Meetup.com, chatting with a woman then at the end saying,

“It was really nice meeting you, Jane. Would you like to do this again sometime?”

That same line will work in lots of different situations, even chatting in line at the grocery store. “It was nice chatting with you, Mary. Would you like to go have coffee sometime?”

That is SOO much better than saying, “You smell nice, can I have your number?” NOOOO!!!!

Bottom line, it’s a bit of a numbers game. In life you will get many more no’s than yesses so issue a lot of invitations. You only need one good match to say “yes” so don’t worry if you hear 100 no’s from those that aren’t.

And remember that love can show up in some unexpected places. I am a hypnotherapist and intuitive reader and I met my ideal match in church. The best part, he’s an atheist. He accepted my invitation to go hiking and the rest is history.

There is someone out there for you. Keep putting yourself out there in an authentic way and true happiness will follow.