Mrs Jeena Effoe's blog

Sunday, July 9, 2017

We are born, we live and we die. Some will be well known and or go down in the history books... but so many more will have no legacy or importance outside of their small circle of family and friends.. they will have wasted their life.. working, eating, sleeping, partying, complaining.....etc the list goes on and on.. The way to truly enjoy life.. is to jam pack it with meaning.. to challenge the boundaries set ahead of you.. to pursue and achieve your wildest dreams... That in short is what i want my life's message to be... breaking all sorts of preconceived limits for women of color. I intend to pursue after my dreams full force. I want to more than dream the dream... I want to live the dream

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Its called faith.... and it is so important. I can be honest and admit it is an area of my life i have struggled with in the past, but now in my adulthood my faith has helped me travel to such high heights. I find that as I obey God.. my dreams are falling into place. I am so excited to see the new chapters opening up. If you struggle in the regard of progress in your life, I would encourage you to stop resisting God in this area, and listen to what he is trying to communicate. It can be scary what he directs you to do and you may worry about the resources needed to complete the task.... but know that if he leads you there, he will sustain you the whole way getting there and once you arrive as well. I speak from example.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Unfortunately the American culture is one of rush, rush, rush . From childhood we are anxious for everything.. and gracious for nothing. Some of us also happen to be crafty on top of impatient... it is a deadly combination when dating a foreign man (specifically African or islander). For the vast majority, life has moved a bit slower than the rapid pace of the U.S. I have been guilty of misreading certain behaviors that I only deciphered later on down the line. I do believe some of these cultural differences contributed to the strife me and my ex experienced whilst married and were also factors in our untimely divorce. Whenever I publish, I do in an effort to assist some other forward thinking woman, and never bring shame or disgrace to my former in-laws. I was not patient and neither was he, but it is so important to suspend your current way of thinking when dealing with a foreigner and examine their ways and demeanor first. To understand your man, you have to step into his world and mentality to understand how he works. It can be challenging for an American woman, but the success of your relationship depends on it.

Its true and its is the only response to people that have done you wrong. Trade in lonely nights and anger for progressing in your own love and personal life. Realize that everything you see is not always real because people manipulate social media for example. Many smiling faces are not happy after the pic and many fancy cars and big mansions are covers for very empty and lonely lives. Sometimes the front is to convince the perpetrator as much as its meant to convince the crowd. At time it may even be necessary to withdraw from social media if its frustrating you. Ive taken a break on many occasions. But one thing is for sure... being successful and happy in your own life is the best way to respond to naysayers and people that have misused you in the past. Commit yourself to continually bettering yourself and maintaining yourself throughout life.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Today many fans are still reeling from the Christmas morning death of British pop star George Michael (who was one of my personal favorites) As I read up on him, I found that he dealt with so many afflictions in private. Most notably substance abuse issues. Over the past few years it seems like a terrible trend of very wealthy and talented stars dying an untimely death from similar situations. Michael Jackson was abusing surgical anesthesia , Prince was taking sleeping pills and George is rumored to have been battling a heroine addiction. It made me to wonder why such handsome and talented men would turn to such means.. Is it that they were weak? Or is it that they had voids that money could never fill? 2 out of the three did not even have children to share their huge estates.. besides their music they left no legacy behind to carry on their name. Why were they not interested in that? My question is... why were they so afflicted and why with such large and immense talent was there such a battle with vices?My personal theory is that talented is delegated by God.. and with such incredible talent comes the spiritual battleground of how to use that talent. Some of us can attest to it on a smaller scale just in our everyday lives.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

As we get older, I am finding more and more friends of mine that are miserable in their lives, but refusing to change things. Some even praise me, because they say I am "living" my life. I, however do not see anything extraordinary about what I am doing... I am just trying to make the most of each day. We all know that none of us know how much time we truly have to complete our life's work, and if nothing else made us aware of such a truth.. The year of 2016 should have taught you that. With so much tragedy and death, all of u should have been more motivated to be aggressive with our future plans. A wise person tries to look at their life in an aerial way, realizing that their days are numbered.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

One thing that always mystifies me and also empowers me is how Jesus continually chose to work with flawed people all throughout the Bible. He continued to pass over Kings and diplomats to work miracles with whores, invalids, criminals and societies most undesirable people.. Such can also be an example to you and I of how we can take our lives and mold it into a serious haven. I have learned over my life that nothing will come to you perfectly packaged and ready for your use... Almost everyone and everything requires assembly, even new jobs will train you upon hiring you to ensure you understand your role and expectation. if you do manage to connect with something already prepared for you it is an anomaly and should be cherished. We live in an instant and disposable world. Sometimes I truly believe we miss so much depth in our lives because we dispose of it before we can ever enjoy it. I challenge you to take time to invest in your world around you. Sow the seeds of what you want in your life. Encourage and teach others things that they do not know. If you have been selected to be one of the chosen few all the blessing come with huge responsibility. Look at it as a privilege. If you can learn to change your mind, you can learn to change your life.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

I was shocked while I was walking through the hall of my part time job and a random person I did not know stopped me, and asked when I was planning on updating my blog. He told me he enjoyed reading my thoughts. So I guess everyone is really wondering where have I been. I realize that I have been scarce for virtually the entirety to 2016. I just want to take a moment and go over some of the things I spent last year doing. It was a huge travel year for me. I traveled to London in Feb 2016 and spent the month of November in South Africa and Ghana. I also visited Chicago a few times and Boston. As far as work I became greatly independent in March when i started driving Uber full-time (also keeping a part time call center job at Jcpenney's on the weekends only). I engaged in a few relationships.. none significant enough to mention, which all miraculously concluded right before the close of the year. I endured the sudden closing of the university I had been attending, disrupting my plans to leave the country early 2017. I dealt with a host of other problems and issues throughout the year, struggled to maintain my routine and had some really low moments. The year was challenging, but set the stage for this year; which is the year I stand to reap greatly. As my routine fluctuated, so did my desire to blog regularly. I do apologize if you looked to me for inspiration and I was not there. It is a goal of mine for the new year, to be more consistent.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

It is very easy to look around at the world around you critically, and see everyone else's flaws. It is easy to place blame, but the most challenging thing to do, Is to assess yourself and make the necessary changes. At times we wallow in misery because we have some idealized idea of happiness that we refuse to deviate from, however that idea never seems to come to pass. I too have been very guilty. I have tried in many ways to take certain shortcuts that always lead back to the same pathway that has not worked for me. 2017 will be a year of serious genuine self assessment and change. If someone is not happy in their life, they have every obligation and responsibility to enhance and improve themselves. I cant continue to experience lack in my life in certain areas, because I am deliberately rejecting good opportunities and chronically drawn to bad ones. I believe that if you change your mind.. you can change your life. Looking at things differently can bring about breakthrough in areas you have spent years being stumped on. With the recent deaths of many of the musical icons I have studied and enjoyed by close analyzation of their music, I have come to conclusion that they were unable to find true happiness in their lives because they refused to change their mindset of what happiness really was and in the end died a lonely and unfulfilled life. For Prince, family and offspring would have provided the deep sense of accomplishment, However he repeatedly lacked success in the love department (which is very common for deep and passionate people) He once said in one of his lyrics to his song Future Baby Mama "They say all my lovers look alike, could it be I've been waiting for you?" indicating a very real truth of the women he dated.. They did all resemble, and could it be that he overlooked women that would have been very loyal to him because he had a certain template of what he looked for? Prince relentlessly searched for love and marriage, but it seems from the outside looking in that the women he pursued never fully appreciated him or desired him they way he desired them. I too have been very guilty of this same complex. Pining after people that have not returned the same level of love and admiration that I have for them, and otherwise not entertaining those that would do anything for me, however I have changed my mind. I have come to the conclusion that respect is more important for me in a relationship. Sharing and pouring love and passion on the man of my choice is my own guilty pleasure, but not personally beneficial for me. You see for the leader, giving and providing to those that you love is the ultimate pleasure because in many cases.. we have everything that we need. Another musical icon that I deeply loved was George Michael, who was guilty of disobedience, which resulted in his untimely death. George Micheal's music was filled with references to God which leads me to believe that he struggled with truly submitting to God, likely due to his lifestyle choice of homosexuality. Secretly George donated money and time frequently to random people and charities... trying to avenge his restless soul and convincing himself that he was indeed a good person by doing good things.. however faith without works is dead.. Being good is not good enough if you will not align yourself with God's ultimate will for your life, and money can not buy your way out of hell. My Pastor cleverly parallels the life of a stars (influential persons) purpose to the star that lead the wise-men to Jesus. The purpose of the star is to do just that ; lead people to Jesus. if the star refuses to do so they will be a fallen star with a troubled life. In both of these instances.. you have two very beautiful men, that left no lineage to receive their sizable estates. Both died alone with untimely deaths related to substance abuse. Both men had all the money they could ever want or need, but that yet could not still fill the voids of their souls; a space that can only be filled with the hope that God provides, surely. In the lives of these men, that I truly loved from a distance, I can see bits of myself, and I can see their critical errs of judgement. I am sure that making other choices could have lead to a much different outcome for them and their families. I of course have not escalated that high, but I often feel that I will one day. I am making the best foundation to prepare for it today.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

I have noticed a very disgusting habit of the vocal majority on social media which is to discourage others from embarking or even expressing their dreams, what actually triggered this post was because we are approaching yet another year, and I see many people discouraging others change when they discuss plans or goals they would like to accomplish in 2017. Do not be afraid to change if you feel the need too, after all it is your life, and you will not be able to use the fact that social media discouraged you as a viable reason as to why you didn't strive for progress while you had the opportunity. If you are on the other hand the cyber bully reading this... learn how to be quiet and focus on your own life. whether or not someone is successful on their goals has no bearing on you directly unless you are connected to person ex: spouse, family or close friend. If anything you should learn how to encourage others... as long as we are living we all have an opportunity to move forward and better our circumstances.. you don't dictate others success and you wouldn't want to be the realistic reason someone lost their motivation.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

We live in a world in which it is very popular for people to complain about what they don't have, what they haven't been given and how unfair life is, but the reality is that your life is going to be what you make it, or what you don't make it. Obviously there are many systematic factors that can contribute to delays of goals, but if you refuse to quit no matter what; you WILL go far regardless of the obstacles. I believe that one has to be totally aware of their life and goals, and not get distracted and derailed by every small thing that comes along. Also they must be fully aware that once they make the choice to be successful and pursue their purpose, the distractions will be at an all time high. When you drive on the road and see all the different lives driving different cars it is an illustration to me of how many different avenues of life are taking place simultaneously. Some people drive fancy cars.. some drive beat up cars. Some are well dressed. some are casual, but one thing resonates... they are where they are because they put themselves there. We can pray to God to bless our lives, but we bear the responsibility of heading in the right direction. There are many barriers, but there is also plenty to gain. I have chosen to go for what I can so that I may leave an impact when I'm no longer here.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

I was out and about the other day and I saw a black man with a white lady and their two very pale looking children. I wondered in that instance if the husband ever felt like he sold out .... I wonder if he ever looks at his kids and tries to locate himself? If he ever wonders that the cost he paid was too high or not worth it? I wonder if he knows to some that he looks like a complete fool.. trying to fit in and be received, when you can never really ever fit in with them because you are indeed different... I wonder if he knows no level of education or amount of money can change the color of skin.... I wonder if he knows of the identity crisis his children might endure... the issues they may have derived from 'cultural differences'. Being surrounded by white children/people at a young age, I can relate to alot of the issues that come from being different than some of your black peers. It is confusing, saddening and often frustrating trying to straddle between two worlds. I often wonder if the parents choosing that future for their kids even consider it. I hope that they realize that by mixing black does not minimize it, and nowadays it has become more obvious than ever.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Unfortunately abroad in the rest of the world American women have a terrible reputation. Especially black women due to the medias' portrayal of black women. We are shown as dramatic women with lots of illegitimate children. Seen as having attitudes and being over the top. Perceived as easy or sexually promiscuous. Sometimes foreign men will approach you with all these stereotypes inbred. They will attempt to do things with you and treat you in a way they never would with women from their own country: ask you for money, refuse to take you out, try to get sex without commitment etc. You will need to set the record straight immediately if you detect any of this behavior. If you so choose to date a foreign person, it is very important to get a grasp of their culture. It is important to meet their friends and family and observe how they behave. I can tell you most native foreigners frown on women with tattoos and that use profanity. Also if you are able, try to make friends with some ladies from their country and study them. You do not have to observe them, but I guarantee understanding him on that level will greatly benefit your relationship.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Recently I've been driving Uber..and I am beyond grateful for the opportunity..but on last night I had the most sobering situation to date on one of my many rides.. A young white woman got in my car..was quiet until she received a phone call...suddenly I heard her tell the other person on the phone " I don't want to be here anymore...but I don't want to leave you.." and burst into tears. When she hung up I asked what was wrong and if she was ok. She told me she was having a very rough night and that a year ago she had attempted suicide. She said that she had promised people close to her that she would not attempt it again without letting them know first...the revelation took my breath away. I realized in that instance I may be serving as real-time intervention for the young lady and without delay...I began to impart to her that she was valuable...and that she had purpose..a truth I can not be certain whether or not she may have been aware, and then I asked her if I could pray for her. She said yes...so I reached my hand in the back seat, grabbed hers and prayed my heart out for the troubled girl. If you ever find yourself in the same situation...you better take action...do not let that person out of your sight before covering them in prayer. I asked her if she needed me but she said she was going to meet her boyfriend. I reminded her before she got out of my car to just give it more time whatever it was that was bothering her. I hugged her and kissed her cheek, and I can only hope that she is ok, and that my prayers were heard. In our culture... we ignore too often people's cry for attention or detect their behaviors.. I encourage you to begin to look at the world around you. I truly believe we can make a difference by doing so,

Thursday, March 10, 2016

DWP,It took me the longest to ever admit that there was a difference between us. It took me forever to accept there was a different standard in which I was held too, that you are not. It hurt my feelings to be reprimanded for the very same things you did, except you were never punished.. never called out. It disturbs me to see the growing mistreatment of other people that happen to look like me, and you justify the mis treatment.. all the while you crave my diversity, innovation and beauty.... All of it is so confusing.As a product of suburban living and private schools I sat shoulder and shoulder next to you in class. I watched as you sat clueless from your lack of processing and critical thinking skills, and with compassion I helped you.I molded your character, encouraged others to be your friends, helped you dress.. I essentially made you who you are. As we got older that's when the rift began to grow, and by college it was full blown. You acted like you didn't know me to fit in with other whites.. as if we never had history. You turned your back on injustices that happened to my people, you pretended I shouldn't talk about your past, and the past of this country, that we should be over atrocities from which your families greatly profited .. because you had so much fear, and because you have no character. It killed me when you did all of these things. More than you ever would know.You believed all the the stereotypes.. although you knew for a fact.. you had been exposed to the way I lived, and it was not what was portrayed.You deduced me to entertainment purposes. You laughed off my concerned claims; negating their validity.. I worked three times as hard because I was taught the essence of hard work. It has gotten me no where.Now we work side by side in the office.. and you watch them harass me, and you say nothing. You get promoted as you come to me to answer your questions.You wonder why I'm upset. Well I really don't want to be.. but how I'm treated... its not fair.. and I cant help but feel so subjected to it.What I want, is to be given what is due to me, not handouts... I want to progress once I have worked hard. I want utilize the education I have spent time and money acquiring. Not be seen as a threat.. not to have my livelihood tampered with in a way that you would never be able to stand... not to have other people that look like me, who could even be me... killed by police officers. and then have no justice served to them? I want you to treat me how you want to be and are treated.I wonder how can you stand by and let this happen.. How can you hide your voice, how you sleep at night.. I thought you loved me..I thought we were friends. The truth is we have many things in common, but you harbor hate...and this is why we will always be separate and why I never will trust you.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Its a natural question you might ask yourself if you are black, beautiful, intelligent,ambitious and single. you might ask yourself why you get passed up for bums and women with so much baggage (an American phenomenon) . You might wonder why it is so challenging to have a relationship that works and build a future with someone equally yoked. Your natural inclination is to assume you are not good enough, not pretty. just not enough period. When you continually measure up and exceed expectations placed on you... and instead of bringing you closer it seems to create barriers. its not because you are not good enough. Trust me because I know. I have a 100% ( with the exception of my newly ex husband as of yet) return rate. Former loves ALWAYS come back around telling me how advanced I was, how they weren't ready, how they miss me etc, and even in some cases they have even told their new significant others about me (which always blows my mind). After receiving two such contacts in one day through Facebook, I realized that it has not indeed been that I wasn't suffice, but that I was too much. You may reason as a woman that has obtained a few things and keeps herself together.. that it would make you more marketable, more desirable, but in reality.. it makes you more estranged and intimidating to the general public. It is cliche... but very very true, I can concur. I have finally come to realize that the empty look in their eyes is not one of disapproval yet one of awe. Unlike me (who would gladly recognize and jump on the man of my dreams if he was standing before me)some men are scared, terrified, and or petrified of their dream girl. It signifies the end of many chapters for them and brings on the realization of responsibility. Some men are immature, some will never mature, and others will just take some time. I felt the need to make this post because although I am a very confident woman, I have occasionally had those days (more-so as I have gotten older and divorced) in which I doubt myself, and wonder why this area has been so challenging. However today I'm on a high, and I have been made aware of the truth.. that I am all of the things I have groomed myself to be, and that the world is just not ready yet.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Often times people talk in depth about the problems that exist in the Black American Community without providing any substantial advice on things we can do to collectively heal our community. I will graciously accept the role as an advocate, spokesperson and leader to help my people. I have committed myself to leaving some impact with my life on this world. somehow some way. I find that am extremely empowered by knowing my history so that would have to be my number one point

1) Learn your history

Contrary to popular belief.. black history does not start with slavery, and we have left countless contributions to society in our past.Forget about black history month.. make it a lifestyle.

2) Strive for independence from the media,bad food and a negative outlook on lifeMy next concept is radical, but I truly believe it will provide healthy results for your body and mind. Subliminally in America we are taught to think low of ourselves and our potential. We are spoon fed through our schooling and our derogatory media that we are troublesome and useless. It takes a serious decompressing to realize the reason that we are subliminally fed these messages is to keep us at bay and minimize our power. Society knows that we are key contributors and innovators. The best way to prevent utter domination is to weaken the mind. Fight back by waging independence.Spend more time reading and or actually living life versus watching T.V. The foods we eat are full of steroids and hormones which is contributing to unhealthy lives and disease. We have to eat better and cook more especially if we are parents.

3) TravelMy perspective of myself and my people has been greatly enhanced by my travels (Mexico, Puerto Rico, Italy, Spain, U.K and all over the states). Fortunately, I was blessed to begin traveling overseas at a very young age, as my mother is a native Bermudian (from the 75 mile long island Bermuda). It cultivated a great love and appreciation of travel. As I continue to expand my travels, I see how people of color are treated abroad, and how desirable I am as a woman of color elsewhere. It powerful, and mind changing. I encourage you to visit place where people of color live, from South America ,Africa to London Just to get a taste of life abroad. You may even find that you want to relocate. I have found that I am revered abroad, and it has helped to boost my self esteem.Traveling is not expensive or unattainable, It just requires you planning ahead :-)

4)Love on our kids Take care of your kids. Self educate your kids. Spend time with your kids. Love on your kids. It is a cold cruel world, and your children have to learn their self worth quickly... otherwise they will get swept into the fast life or despair.. not understanding who they are and that they have a distinct purpose. Do not leave it to the schools to educate our children. I believe that it is due to the fact that my parents passionately instilled self worth in me, that I was able to develop such a strong character, and although I went to private schools I have found that I have never ever been ashamed or insecure about my blackness5)Build your OWN etc...We are too accustomed for asking or expecting things from people. We seemingly seek validation from others when we don't even need it. It is in our nature to be creative and innovative, so let us create our own enterprises. Let us make our own schools, clothing, and entertainment. Let us seek and provide answers to our own problems. Once an adult we don't need to ask permission to do anything

Saturday, February 6, 2016

American society and life at this current time is largely mislead...the general consensus is too liberal and is detracting from the legendary quality of life that has formally been associated with living in America. The fact of the matter is that life in the states is too free. I believe that for a society to function well...there needs to be some level of social uniformity. There must be community and socially people need to be on the same page. When every person becomes an individual, it is difficult to accomplish things because instead of moving in one direction...the group is spread up and going in many different directions.