Misc News

It seems presidential candidate Ted Cruz has a problem, and that problem is being too lazy to Google the actors appearing in his commercials. Thus Amy Lindsay made an appearance in his Conservatives Anonymous spot, which is all fine and dandy except that she starred in a number of softcore movies. Cruz freaked out and yanked the spot, but not before it became a big new item (and he summarily released an Office Space parody video instead to try to cover this up!) We’re doing our part at TarsTarkas.NET to keep this in the news for two reasons: 1. Fuck Ted Cruz. 2. We’ve actually reviewed several Amy Lindsay movies, so this topic is relevant to our site!

“The actress responded to an open casting call. She passed her audition and got the job. Unfortunately, she was not vetted by the production company. Had the campaign known of her full filmography, we obviously would not have let her appear in the ad,” Tyler said.

Prior to the Cruz campaign pulling the ad, Lindsay told BuzzFeed News in a phone interview on Thursday that she’s a Christian conservative and a Republican. While she emphasized that she did not do hardcore porn and that she also appeared in non-erotic films, Lindsay said she thinks it is “cool” that an actor who has appeared in softcore porn could also appear in Cruz’s ad.

“In a cool way, then hey, then it’s not just some old, white Christian bigot that people want to say, ‘It could be, maybe, a cool kind of open-minded woman like me,’” she said of people supporting Cruz.

Though Lindsay initially told BuzzFeed News that the person at the campaign who hired her “absolutely knew everything that I had done,” she later called back to say that she realized that was not the case.

“I have clearly talked to the filmmakers and stuff and just to be clear, I assumed that they knew, but none of the filmmakers or the casting director knew about my complete filmography in the past that you’re talking about, so I was wrong in that statement,” Lindsay said, saying that she had assumed that an old friend of hers from an acting class who was present when she was hired was aware of her film history.

Amy Lindsay is rightfully peeved by the turn of events, so let’s ignore the fact that she aligns differently with this site and celebrate her filmography as reviewed here! We’ve encountered her three times: Bikini Airways saw Lindsay playing a former model turned lesbian who was looking for a rich guy to marry and take care of her. Insatiable Obsession featured Lindsay as a married woman plagued by a haunted house that held a secret. And Lust Sessions featured Lindsay as a love coach who helped her patients with their relationships, but also needed help on her own. (She was also on Star Trek: Voyager, which means she will live on forever in Trekkie circles regardless of her other films!)

Sesame Street is popping out with the movie parodies again this year. Their latest is When Cookie Met Sally, a parody of When Harry Met Sally that teaches children to wait their turn and not be impatient. After several attempts, can Sally teach the impatient Cookie Monster to wait in line and stop cutting people? Probably, it would be sad if they didn’t. And they are sure to include an “I’ll have what she’s having” joke, except sans orgasms. Because this is a kids’ show, after all. Don’t be impatient for orgasms, didn’t you learn anything from Cookie Monster? It’s like you didn’t watch the video embedded above.

Cookie and Sally are two very different people. Cookie is messy and impatient. Sally is neat and calm. Can Sally get Cookie to wait his turn by playing a game? Can they actually become friends?

With this parody of a retro flick, the future entries could be from any era, which is cool for film fans like us! I can barely wait for the next one, but luckily I have learned a few things about patience…

Furius and his pal Pegafish (the flying fish) are on his way to meet his dad at the top of Mount Olympus Diner, when he’s stopped by that cow with snakes for hair, Moo-dusa! Not only does looking at Moo-dusa turn you into stone for 2 whole seconds, but she’s also gone all Riddle of the Sphinx and has a test that Furius must pass. He needs to pick out which of various covered dishes contains the snake cakes to feed her hair. Can Furius learn to pay attention long enough to remember details about the lids to solve the riddle and not get turned into stone, and therefore go to meet his pop and “Release the Cracker”? Find out in Nosh of the Titans!

As usual, I attached a bunch of images and even an animated gif of Moo-dusa, because the world needs more moving images of a cow with snake hair!

Like this:

The Avengers– excuse me, the Aveggies are vegetable maniacs as they battle the dastardly Bon Bon, who attempts to ruin the world’s supply of healthy food because he’s in deep with Big Sugar or something.

A super villain was prepared to destroy all the healthy foods in the world, until one hero, actually, several heroes stuck together to save the world’s vegetables! Together, Dr. Brownie, Onion Man, Captain Americauliflower, Black Bean Widow, Mighty Corn, and Zuchin-eye are…The Aveggies!

All your favorite Avengers from the first film are represented! Can Dr. Brownie – aka Cookie Monster – focus on the problem at hand long enough to turn into a giant green monster and eat the spaceship cookie sent by the nefarious Bon Bon? As the gif shows, yes, but it doesn’t come without some hard work trying to focus. And also some hilarious slams on Hawkeye. Captain Americauliflower gets his shield chomped, and Mighty Corn has his hammer devoured. It’s a sad day for miraculous weapons but a great day for people who like watching food-based weapons get eaten. And don’t worry, they throw in a shawarma joke.

It’s important that kids learn to focus on things in this ADHD world of constant interruptions, and using the visually busy framework of a Hollywood blockbuster to deliver that message is some grade A subversion. But it’s all about Cookie Monster getting his chomp on!

The Great Garden Gnome Massacre terrifying T-Rex is a defender of humanity with a taste for gnomes. Harness the power of this mighty beast in your home, garden or office. 9-inches tall; 5-inches wide at base. Made of durable cast poly resin.

Sure, gardening season is pretty much over in most places, but the fun of a dinosaur in the lawn is year round! Unless it gets buried in snow… Mostly year round! Anyway, I just found it, so I might as well post it, because, that’s how we roll here at TarsTarkas.NET. I like weirdo garden gnomes, and plan on having enough that my less-fun neighbors will get upset. Best to identify those people early, I say!

Whitney Houston. Angela Bassett. Lifetime. That’s all I need to ensure that I’ll be checking out the new Whitney Houston biopic on Lifetime! The film will mark Angela Bassett’s directorial debut, and it’s always awesome when more women start directing, and doubly so when it’s Angela Bassett! The film will begin shooting soon and air in 2014. According to the story on Deadline, the film will cover the whole range of the relationship between Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.

“I have such regard for both Whitney’s and Bobby’s amazing talents and accomplishments, and I feel a responsibility in the telling of their story,” said Bassett. “Their humanity and bond fascinates us all.”

It looks like a fun mix of pop culture biopic and crazy relationship shenanigans, and I’m eagerly anticipating it!