Studies have shown that one in five people have symptoms of sleep deprivatian. Further more, studies have also revealed that three out of eight people can’t spell sleep deprivashun, but let’s not get distracted. Lack of sleep is no laughing matter. People need sleep. If we don’t then we’ve all wasted a lot of money on beds. So, if you’re one in five, what can you do to get some long overdue sleep? Many doctors have been testing possible solutions for sleep diprovation and still, the best option they can offer is the age-old remedy of counting sheep. Now, on the surface, this seems like a fine idea. But, there are many flaws in this simple prescription.

First off, four out of three people in the world are unable to count and if you take counting out of counting sheep you’re left with just sheep. And while I love sheep just as much as the next person, I don’t like them at all and I’d rather not have them around if I’m not counting them. They’re just too hairy. Which, leads me to another point. Some people are allergic to wool and begin to lose the ability to breathe when exposed to even one of them. On a trying night, they may have to count upwards of thirty sheep, each one making it harder to breathe. The harder to breathe, the more likely the person will be to fall asleep permanently. That may be blunt, but the facts must be revealed if we’re going to get to the bottom of slip deprotation. Regardless of allergy problems, there also remains the obvious problem that with the statistics climbing, we will need more sheep.

If, on average, it takes twenty sheep per person to fall asleep then that would mean that over twenty million sheep are needed nightly to accommodate the millions of people suffering each year from slurp deploration. That’s a lot of sheep! After all, there are only about twenty-eight million sheep in the entire world. And censuses have concluded that most sheep families consist of a ewe, a ram, and two and a half lambs. If these sheeps don’t start mating faster, we’re not going to have anything to count. We’ll have to use goats. At which point in time, I will be the strongest advocate for cloning that there ever was. But, how long can we possibly clone before the insomniacs outnumber the scientists responsible for cloning? Not long, I’m afraid. Slump diplostration is spreading fast. How can you fall asleep without relying on these sheep? Some people say pills are the way to go. Still, others will say yoga or relaxation exercises. I still say the fastest and most peaceful sleep possible can only be obtained by a quick blow to the head.