An obnoxious drunk in a bar keeps hitting
on a lesbian who is waiting for her date.
The drunk just won't take no for an answer.
"Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can
do for me that my vibrator can't!" the lesbian smirks.
The obnoxious drunk thinks for a moment.
"Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says:
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says:
"OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the train again!"

A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to
enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know
how to do it without surgery."
She asks:" How do I do it without surgery?"
Her husband answers, "Just rub toilet paper between them."
"How does that make them bigger?", she asks.
"I don't know, but it certainly worked for your ass."

A recently married minister went to his congregation, informed them of
his wife's pregnancy and asked for a raise that would allow him a
reasonable salary. After deliberation it was agreed that the increase in
family size warranted the raise.
After six births in six years the congregants called a meeting to complain
that the cost was becoming burdensome. Things got contentious. Finally,
the minister stood at the altar and said, a little angrily,
"Having children is an act of God!"
"Snow and rain are acts of God, too," a man at the back of the room said,
"but most of us wear rubbers."