Earlier in the week Chelsea celebrated their Champion's League semi-final triumph (don't tell Jose) over Liverpool with a field trip to popular London night spot. Needless to say, their presence did not go unnoticed by fellow club enthusiasts.

Reportedly, adult film starJenna moved her table right next to the Chelsea stars and wowed them with her raunchy dancing, as they continued to rack up their hefty bar bill, which ended up at an estimated £10,000 [$20,000]. Though, according to reports, Jenna's night ended early after she was thrown out for allegedly attempting to take drugs.

A member of her entourage said: "She just asked if one of her friends could go in with her in the toilets to touch up her make-up before facing the paparazzi. But the toilet attendant said no, and kicked off. The bouncers called us American pigs, which brought Jenna to tears."

Advertisement

How can a club called Chinawhite take exception to drug use? Fucking hypocrites.

If I wasn't adequately disturbed by the thought of a haggard porn star ruining my team's mojo, my friend Flubby had to go and push me over the edge. You see, I'm incapable of manipulating images, so he did the dirty work for me. Unfortunately Flubby had been swept up in Derby fever, and he was a bit too tipsy to understand my initial request. Click here for a terrifyingly NSFW first draft.