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We The Debaters

The expectation for me is that as more young men read these posts, they are more equipped to stay longer in their wives’ houses. It doesn’t make sense that few months into your marriage your wife is already planning to return you to your parents because you don’t hear word.

I do not vividly recall but I think I won most of the arguments between myself and my wife the period before we got married. Now I that I think of it, I’m not sure how to take it. Was I such a great debater? Did I argue my points so cleverly? Did she just allow me win to lure me into the marriage first? Because I don’t understand.

It was our daughter’s first birthday last week. Her birthday was actually two weeks earlier, but we are teaching her from a young age that she has been born into home where we do what we want when we want it. She is also learning to work under intense pressure, because sometimes her mum tells her to stand up and I tell her to lie down, so we see how she reacts when she has to work with all the very difficult bosses in Nigeria.

It was her birthday and because she is born to a father who does not hear word, we moved the celebration for two weeks. It was the day of the party (just pictures basically) and everyone got dressed. Everybody was ready in the house for power pictures, even our daughter’s nanny. It was such a happy day for her.

Then I started hearing whispers they had packed another set of clothes for our daughter like photo shoot, my wife had packed her own set of clothes too and I was there as father of the house, running around, packing load into the car under the rain and looking like a mechanic. Where is change of clothes for the Head of you people’s home? We are still a young family and people are already going behind my back and planning change of clothes without me.

I miraculously found the self-control to not make any mountains about the change of clothes molehill. I was going to start making noise all over the house and reminding my wife that it was our daughter’s birthday; that “you, Lover, don’t need any change of clothes”, but I allowed peace reign and decided to just enjoy the occasion and not destroy my marriage with my wisdom. This is not to say there have not been many times when my wisdom hasn’t got me into trouble, but I have found that every time I stopped my wisdom and “way of doing things” from getting in the way, we have enjoyed more peace.

I have many times had to ask myself, do you want to sleep well this night or do you want to win argument? Most times I want to sleep well, so I take many steps back and apologize all over the place. Sometimes though, I say “get thee behind me you foul spirit of sleep” I have an argument to win in this home! Then I wake her up, lose the argument and have to count down from hundred many times to just fall asleep. I never learn because the last time I won any argument with my wife was when we were dating and she didn’t fully know her rights and privileges.

I also need to learn how to stop pressing phone once my fellow owner of the home says she has had a tough day. So sometimes, I get back from work and I meet my wife chatting with her friends on Whatsapp group, calling her family with such joy, she even borrows my phone when she runs out of airtime and the whole time I’m thinking “woman finish quickly me too I want to enter Whatsapp with my phone and browse Nairaland and twitter”. She gets done with my phone, and I wash my hands to step into Internet (because the whole internet has been waiting for me all day). Suddenly my wife tells me she has had a difficult day, and that I should “drop phone let us talk”. Ahn Ahn Ma, you were pressing phone and chatting happily nau. How are you just remembering you had a difficult day when it’s my turn to enter Internet like you have just done?

Sometimes I damn the grievous consequences and press phone, but I’ve realized this is not an argument I can win.

Sometimes when people invite me to their weddings, I take many steps back and smile inside. Like, you don’t want to be winning arguments again? It doesn’t matter that you won’t always be right? Have you won enough arguments for the feeling to last you a lifetime? Welcome to our ranks.

I’m careful about ending this one on a wise note. I can say this in much deeper ways but I won’t. The whole talk about women having to look foolish all the time to make their marriages work is hogwash. This is largely for unmarried young men, if winning arguments is so important to you, then now is the best time to take a debate course on Coursera and master the skills that will help you win arguments outside the house, because after pre-wedding shots, you will not win many in the house Sir.