Early in our marriage on several occasions I told my wife to stop, I'd lost interest in whatever she was talking about because the story took too long. She was immeasurably hurt and sulked about it for quite awhile. I felt like an a-hole but it only took a couple of times and she became a much better story teller.

Now when she starts to go off target and starts giving inane details that I can tell have nothing to do with the story she's trying to tell, I'll start firing follow-up questions on these stupid details, forcing her in the direction of the tangent she was on to the point that she becomes frustrated and basically shouts "none of that is important, HERE IS WHAT MATTERS" and we get to the point. It's nice because it helps her course correct and it makes her think I'm really listening. The key here though is that they have to be the right kind of follow-up questions and they have to convey your confusion. You don't want to encourage her to get lost down the rabbit hole, you just want to demonstrate that her prattling on has completely derailed the story she was telling and you can no longer follow along.

If we need to make a simple functional phone call and time is short, "Mrs. Eaton" has me make the call, even though she likes talking on the phone and I don't. Make that, because she likes talking on the phone and I don't. She can take 20 minutes to ask if we should bring a salad to the potluck, and I'll do the same conversation in less than a minute. Each of us is in awe of the other on this.

PanicAttack:my alt's alt's alt: I think it has more to do with personality type. In the eyes of Myers-Briggs, the typical "most womanly" personality type of ESFP is overtly talkative and superfluous in their speech patterns. Whereas myself, the INTJ woman, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

/other women don't "get" me, especially when my eyes glaze over while they ramble about talk shows and shoes//men think I'm "cold"///fark the lot of them

As an ISTJ, I completely agree.

Another INTJ (male) here. I'm pretty sure that fark is filled with people with similar personality types, this opinion being based on over 10 years of lurking the threads. Introverted and extremely intelligent people tend to flock to this site.I certainly feel like people don't "get" me, and it has caused me to be somewhat of a social outcast my entire life. On the plus side I usually win most arguments.

WhippingBoy:Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, brings terror to my soul like the words "So I was thinking..."

Those four little words are always followed by 30 minutes of disjointed, useless talking until it's revealed that we should, yet again, spend tens of thousands of dollars on some "project" that she's just thought up.

Thissity-this-this-this! I actually told her so much last night, because I actually openly chuckled as soon as she said it. Now, the tens of thousands of dollars part isn't accurate to us, because we're poor and she knows it, but yeah.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

In his defense, not that he needs it, but it's probably not so pleasant to talk about such things. Plus, when I come home, work is over. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

mama2tnt:doczoidberg: Women run their mouths entirely too much, and the noise that comes out almost always is in the form of some pointless complaint.

Take my girlfriend, for instance. Always whining about something or another, or trying to tell me what to do. The other night, she insisted on having a big two hour fight over my leaving a towel on the counter while I was doing the dishes. What a waste of time, and what a horrible way to live -- some idiot complaining at you all day.

I tell you, this will be the last time I''' be foolish enough to throw my freedom away for some woman.

CheekyMonkey:hitlersbrain: If you are a man, imagine all the time, thought and energy you put into dreaming about sex and scheming to get sex. Assume women have about the same energy levels and that they have practically no sex drive. All that energy has to go somewhere right?

None of the women I've been in relationships with have had "practically no sex drive". Unfortunately, they still won't shut up. Sorry to blow your theory.

My last GF had NO sex drive, but she liked reading...a lot. But, when she did open her pie hole, nothing relevant came out because "she didn't like watching or cared about the news or current events."

I bet I could make a fortune by developing a FOXP2 suppressor. I know some women who commit a verbal assault on you every time you see them. If I'm lucky I can piss them off enough to stop talking to me, at least temporarily. Or at least get a word in edgewise.

Her: "I cannot find X"Me: "It is on the kitchen counter, next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup" (cannot get more specific than that)Her: "I do not see it, I've got to go, I am running late, why do you never help me?"

I walk over to the counter, lift the napkin and show her "X"

Me: "X is right here, underneath this dirty napkin that YOU did not throw away. Why did you not look underneath it?"Her: "You never said it was UNDERNEATH something"Me: "This is the only item(s) on the counter that is next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup...you know, exactly where I said it was"Her: ...

Many women talk a lot because (for whatever reason) they think silence has to be filled. They can't just sit there and be quiet when there's really nothing to say. They think it's awkward and uncomfortable.

And many women talk a lot because they think everything they say is interesting. They think "talking" is the same as "communicating" and that "communication" is important, even if the only thing they're communicating is the endless loop of drivel bouncing around inside their heads.

Petey4335:Holy hell. I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets the "we need to talk about stuff tonight" which turns into she'll talk, and i'll nod my head waiting for her to get to the point. Meanwhile, the hour I had to relax between kids going to bed and my sleepy time gets sucked to oblivion.

mama2tnt:doczoidberg: Women run their mouths entirely too much, and the noise that comes out almost always is in the form of some pointless complaint.

Take my girlfriend, for instance. Always whining about something or another, or trying to tell me what to do. The other night, she insisted on having a big two hour fight over my leaving a towel on the counter while I was doing the dishes. What a waste of time, and what a horrible way to live -- some idiot complaining at you all day.

I tell you, this will be the last time I''' be foolish enough to throw my freedom away for some woman.

I call b.s. on your entire answer because of that one phrase.

Well, maybe someday you will date an adult male. Not little boys who can't do simple household chores.

Her: "I cannot find X"Me: "It is on the kitchen counter, next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup" (cannot get more specific than that)Her: "I do not see it, I've got to go, I am running late, why do you never help me?"

I walk over to the counter, lift the napkin and show her "X"

Me: "X is right here, underneath this dirty napkin that YOU did not throw away. Why did you not look underneath it?"Her: "You never said it was UNDERNEATH something"Me: "This is the only item(s) on the counter that is next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup...you know, exactly where I said it was"Her: ...

Rinse and repeat daily.

My favorite is:

Her: "I can't find X"Me: "Did you look for it?"Her: "Fark you! Why are you such a jerk???"

If it is important I have my wife write me a note so I won't forget. This means that twenty minute conversation about family activities boils down to "pick boy up at day care on Tuesday."

When I was in school I had a physics prof who would derive solutions to the Schrodinger equation from memory. At first we tried like mad to keep up but we soon realized that when he was done he would put the important information on a side board. Same thing works with spouses.

ChrisDe:At times I'm tempted to put a security camera in the kitchen so I could play back what she actually said, and not what she thought she said. But somehow that would backfire on me.

It wouldn't work. I'm divorced and communicate with the ex via email so that when there is a disagreement, I can cite previous emails by time and date stamp and point to the exact line where she said something. Result: "Well, what I MEANT was [something completely different]"

Contrabulous Flabtraption:Women do indeed do this. They also "tell" you things without actually doing so, then get angry when you forget.

For example, this past Sunday evening:

Wife: Jen wants to bra shopping. Maybe at Nordys.Me: Nordys?Wife: Nordstroms.Me: That's the same amount of syllables.Wife: (paraphrasing) They do all the fitting and sizing and what not

Monday afternoonWife: I'll head straight home after work.Me: OK, as opposed to?Wife: Going bra shoppingMe: didnt realize you had made a plan to thatWife: i mentioned that yesterday. about going with JenMe: I know, you mentioned it, didn't know you had planned to do so todayWife: well, no matter. it's not happening.Me: OK

I'll go ahead and admit that it took me a long time to figure out that these two lines did not mean that the matter was settled and done with.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

Primitive men used to leave the family and their settlements to go on hunts. Sometimes they'd be long, and they had to develop the ability to orient themselves and identify signs and landmarks to find their way around and get back home. Not much verbalization required, but men developed better spatial skills and sense of direction.

Primitive women bore and raised children. They developer keener interpersonal intuition. They had to understand the non verbal clues coming from infants. They also spent more time in the settlements dealing with others, sometimes having to communicate in pre-lingual ways. They developed more complex language skills.

Cool story, bro. It's a shame that it's not necessarily supported by archaeology.

See also:A vast amount of ethnographic and archaeological evidence demonstrates that the sexual division of labor in which men hunt and women gather wild fruits and vegetables is an uncommon phenomenon among hunter-gatherers worldwide. Although most of the gathering is usually done by women, a society in which men completely abstained from gathering easily available plants has yet to be found. Generally women hunt the majority of the small game while men hunt the majority of the large and dangerous game, but there are quite a few documented exceptions to this general pattern. A study done on the people of the states: "About 85% of Philippine Aeta women hunt, and they hunt the same quarry as men. Aeta women hunt in groups and with dogs, and have a 31% success rate as opposed to 17% for men. Their rates are even better when they combine forces with men: mixed hunting groups have a full 41% success rate among the Aeta."

and:And what's particularly intriguing in the report is the fact that of the 22 observed cases of spear-fashioning, only one involved an adult male. Thirteen were carried out by females. (The other cases involved young males.) The scientists suggest that female apes pl ...

That post rocked. Okay, it took Diogenes too seriously, but there was a high coefficient of rockage nonetheless. Thanks for that.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

In his defense, not that he needs it, but it's probably not so pleasant to talk about such things. Plus, when I come home, work is over. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

That's funny. My husband's name is Chuck.Sweet Jesus, you're not him are you?Hey, remember that time that we went to that place that had the thing we liked? If you can tell me what it was and what I was wearing, I'll know if you're my husband.

Me: Dave and I are going to grab a beer after work tomorrow. We'll probably eat at the bar so don't worry about dinner tomorrow.Wife: OK.[fast forward one day]Wife: So, what do you want for dinner tonight?

SuperChuck:The other thing that drives me nuts is yes or no questions. I can ask one and I'm guaranteed to get a response of at least 20 words, half of which are not relevant to the question. All I want is "Yes" or "no". Why is that so hard?

If you actually get an answer to your question at all, consider yourself lucky.

ObscureNameHere:SmackLT: Just different communication styles. Although I tend to be more wary when she uses a much smaller number of words because it sounds evasive by comparison.

Her: So I ran into Martin the other day.Me: Oh really?Her: Yeah.Me: Where?Her: Bookstore.Me: Okay. So did you guys talk?Her: A little.Me: Then he left?Her: No, we got coffee.Me: Oh.Me: ...Me: ...Me: So what did you guys talk about?Her: Nothing.Me: ...

Yeah..... she's doing Martin.

Could be that. Could also be the "jealousy test", in which the ladies want to see how distraught you are at their spending some times with another man. Thing is, many respond positively to a jealous reaction from their man. I mean, if she really was doing Martin, why intentionally bring him up in such a cryptic, evasive manner. She just wants to see how torn up her man would be.

Her: "I cannot find X"Me: "It is on the kitchen counter, next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup" (cannot get more specific than that)Her: "I do not see it, I've got to go, I am running late, why do you never help me?"

I walk over to the counter, lift the napkin and show her "X"

Me: "X is right here, underneath this dirty napkin that YOU did not throw away. Why did you not look underneath it?"Her: "You never said it was UNDERNEATH something"Me: "This is the only item(s) on the counter that is next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup...you know, exactly where I said it was"Her: ...

Rinse and repeat daily.

My favorite is:

Her: "I can't find X"Me: "Did you look for it?"Her: "Fark you! Why are you such a jerk???"

Sorry to break it to you both, this isn't a communications issue. Your SOs are both drama queens.

This thread is golden. My personal fav is when the x-wife used to tell me what was wrong in any situation, I would offer advice on how to fix it, which made me a jerk (if you ask me for advice, you should expect it). Types of conversations:the setup: asking a question she already has an answer to start a fight. so she can feel superior about it and doesn't have any of the guilt for starting a fight. talking to you when you are in another room, or in the car with the radio and and she is looking out the window. I ignore these conversations, if you cant have the courtesy to look at someone you are talking too, then why should i bother to listen.I learned a few things: write down the important stuff (meetings, trips, pickups etc).the occasional "ok" or hmmmm does the trick too.

I want you to fix XYZ this weekend, then gets upset for not doing it the way she wanted you too, but never gave any specifics.

RembrandtQEinstein:Attention women, here is a list of topics of conversation men find uninteresting under all circumstances. If you want to talk about them call your girlfriends or your mother.

1. your friends (unless they are hot and/or slutty)2. your relatives (unless they are going to die soon and leave us money)3. your job (unless someone is harassing you and needs a nut punch)4. anyone else's children or pets5. your problems (unless you want us to solve them, are willing to listen to and accept our solution, and are willing to do the work to implement the solution)

The following times are inappropriate for conversation, in fact in these situations the only acceptable interaction is to quietly leave an open beer somewhere we can see you do it but without interrupting what we are doing.

1. when we are looking at a screen (tv, video game, phone, tablet, etc)2. when we are reading3. when we are fixing things4. when our eyes are closed5. when we are talking on the phone

Endive Wombat:Yeah, she's letting Martin put it in her pooper, and she's enjoying it too!

Me: Hey honey, are you doing Martin?Her: What do you mean?Me: Are you having sex with him?Her: What do you mean?Me: One of the various forms of sexual copulation, including but not limited to penile vaginal penetration, oral genital copulation, penile anal penetration, digital vaginal penetration, a Dutch blindfold, a two-finger Susie, a reverse Andre the Giant, an angry aardvark, or a wet Albert?Her: ...Her: ...Her: No?

my alt's alt's alt:I think it has more to do with personality type. In the eyes of Myers-Briggs, the typical "most womanly" personality type of ESFP is overtly talkative and superfluous in their speech patterns. Whereas myself, the INTJ woman, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

/other women don't "get" me, especially when my eyes glaze over while they ramble about talk shows and shoes//men think I'm "cold"///fark the lot of them

Yeah, I'm the same. I rarely speak at home. Barely say a word to my husband. I leave him alone. We get home from work, greet each other, I make dinner, we eat, we go to separate rooms to play our games and don't speak for the rest of the night. He says good night and goes to bed. We don't speak again until we come home from work the next night. It's quiet and peaceful. It's taken many years, but he's trained me well.

But man, when I'm around our daughter, the two of us are a constant, and apparently LOUD couple of chatterboxes. So much so that my husband will occasionally emerge from his room where he is playing his game and interrupt us to complain "Stop FARKING YELLING! You're sitting right next to each other, for FARKS SAKE!" and then go back to his room.

Then the kids go home and it's quiet again for another six months.

/don't speak at work either, unless it's work related//mother used to complain he'd changed my personality, but she's been dead a long time

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

That there is full of so much win!

Can someone *please* post the image of 'Her Diary / His Diary'? (can't from work)

The gist is a woman's diary entry for one day (a paragraph that goes into ever escalating drama and interpretation with no evidence) and her man's entry for the same day (about a sentence...which actually answers all of the drama of the women's succintly). Funny and enlightening, in one!

hitlersbrain: If you are a man, imagine all the time, thought and energy you put into dreaming about sex and scheming to get sex. Assume women have about the same energy levels and that they have practically no sex drive. All that energy has to go somewhere right?

you are doing it wrong. Unless, you are dating women out of menopause.

A friend of mine asked my advice on dating and I told him to just listen. She'll talk on and on but keep quiet and listen with minimal speaking. If you can do this, just the act of talking will make the woman more comfortable with you and she'll trust you more.

He called me after the date. "Man that listening crap really works....but it was hard not to doze off."

In the early years of our marriage I used to be able to stop Mrs, Henry's babble-yakking with a loud burst of flatulence.Now all it does is switch the subject noise to "poor air quality", "stubborn laundry stains" and "demands to see a doctor".

Mighty_Joe:ChrisDe: At times I'm tempted to put a security camera in the kitchen so I could play back what she actually said, and not what she thought she said. But somehow that would backfire on me.

It wouldn't work. I'm divorced and communicate with the ex via email so that when there is a disagreement, I can cite previous emails by time and date stamp and point to the exact line where she said something. Result: "Well, what I MEANT was [something completely different]"

you are not alone. I now only accept emails or texts from my ex, 2 summers ago I told her exactly which two weeks I was taking our boys, she 'got confused' and planned her vacation over those 2 weeks, that was the end of oral communication with her.

I can tell you that part of my frustration with my wife's yammering is my job. I talk all day long, I am in meetings every day, I am on the phone all day. Sometimes, I want to watch stupid, mindless TV or listen to show tunes and cook without any conversation, even if it is just for an hour.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

In his defense, not that he needs it, but it's probably not so pleasant to talk about such things. Plus, when I come home, work is over. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

That's funny. My husband's name is Chuck.Sweet Jesus, you're not him are you?Hey, remember that time that we went to that place that had the thing we liked? If you can tell me what it was and what I was wearing, I'll know if you're my husband.

Are you talking about a restaurant or that time in the park where we almost got arrested?

Endive Wombat:I can tell you that part of my frustration with my wife's yammering is my job. I talk all day long, I am in meetings every day, I am on the phone all day. Sometimes, I want to watch stupid, mindless TV or listen to show tunes and cook without any conversation, even if it is just for an hour.

Sometimes I just want to sit in a chair and stare into space. Mrs. Henry always assumes I'm having a stroke and calls the damn ambulance for me.

My favorite example was dealing with a new CPA in tax season.I answered all questions quickly, she took every question as a story telling challenge.As we ended up he shook my hand and told me to come back if there were any questions. He then looked at her and told her that he would murder her if she even so much as called. She started to get very angry and I made it worse by telling him that I would split the cost of the bullets with him. Our then six year old once told her to get to the point. She was asked never to show up for parent meetings because they went extra long when she showed up. At least she is better than her mother was.

Decision making for her is another challenge. I once called her to ask if she wanted me to get sushi on the way home. "I don't know, what do you want, does it sound good to you?", etc. 24 minutes later I walk in the door and she is still on the cell trying to decide. She obviously went without.