Miwok

I recently met Jacquie Schmall ( http//ww/... ) at a film-collaboration meetup, a fun lady who asked me to "do something" with this poem she had written. She allowed me to post it... here is my attempt to do her words justice. She mentioned that one day, standing on the Northern Pacific shore, this poem flowed into her soul from the air around her.

I played my native American "SparrowHawk" flute along with a recording of the seashore.

On the cold Pacific shore Miwok Indians roam no more
Sandy footprints on the beach echo their name.
Of the life they did adore,
The Miwok sing no more,
But in my heart and memory they remain.

Where have the old ones gone before me?
Where is their magic other land.
How can I tell them I remember.
Miwok footprints in the sand.

Redwood forests greened the hills.
And the Miwok had their fill.
Ere the Golden Gate and Chinatown had fame.
Then the wagon trains arrived.
And the newcomers did thrive,
But the gentle Miwok could not do the same.

Where have the old ones gone before me?
Where is their magic other land.
How can I tell them I remember.
Miwok footprints in the sand.

The Spanish first 'n then the gold.
Then all the sickness that took hold,
Miwok land was sold and then the earthquakes came.
And of the life they did adore,
The Miwok sing no more.
But in my heart and memory they remain.

Where have the old ones gone before me?
Where is their magic other land.
When can I tell them I remember.
Miwok footprints in the sand.

SparrowHawk excellence
I really like the flute in this, works well with the seashore sound too. Could it not have continued in the background during the reading, or maybe as an interlude between some of the verses?

Reading poetry is difficult (as you have previously informed me ;-) Although this is far from bad, I hear a little room for improvements here and there, for example it feels a bit rushed in places, and at least to my foreign ears the 'prosody' doesn't sound quite right all along. It's a matter of interpretation of course and therefor something personal, so never mind.

I did enjoy it, and the text is important to spread. Interesting that such a text you get for free from the air can be copyrighted, but there you are. There is a reason there aren't (m)any Miwoks left... :-/

Excellent feedback!
Thank you Henke, as always... you always listen carefully for both the overall feel, and the technical aspects of my work, and offer great critiques. These are invaluable. I of course did a few takes first, but I didn't want to do toooo many, as that makes me start to sound tired and dry, and this needed a bit of aching/longing in it. These critiques, including those from the author herself, will likely spur me to revisit and improve on this at some point, if I can. Thank you again for your attention to detail and for listening and enjoying it.

I wish you health and warm fires in the hearth during the upcoming long Swedish nights!

Poetry is...
...a wonderful way to tell stories, and this poem does it very well — a tiny place in time and place that the author captures so well.

The Sparrow Hawk flute is such a nice-sounding, authentic-sounding instrument and is the perfect choice for this presentation. I also think that it could be effectively used in the background along with the gulls and sea sounds as a quiet accompaniment to your reading. Overall, though, the poetry and your reading and conception of how to present it are very pleasant to hear.

good ideas...
Hi Paul, very funny and wonderful that you would be posting a Native American Flute-themed piece the same day as me!

Thank you for coming and listening, and suggesting a longer flute-interlude under the poetry... I thought about doing that, but didn't want to distract from the poem. But with longer languid notes at reduced volume, I could probably pull it off. I think I need to re-read this, and re-record a new flute accompaniment... oh, and practice playing that flute more so I can do that! :-)

Things to do while recovering from an upcoming delicious duck and pumpkin-pie Thanksgiving feast!

miwok
agreed with the concensus that the the flute and maybe the sea sounds could have continued to add an extra sense of atmosphere to the reading, perhaps not the gulls so much as i think that would have been distracting and a tad bit corny. as a writer myself, i quite enjoyed the poem. only one tiny line: "...beach echo their name." slightly hit 'cliche' territory, but the rest was extremely well written and visual.

Version two on the horizon..
Well then, with your thoughtful suggestions, I have a plan for an update, thank you for listening with a critical ear and offering me such help! It is very much appreciated... I will be sending Jacquie a link soon so she can read through the comments/kudos as well. Stay tuned!
Ttfn,
Drakonis

Miwok
what a TREAT to have something new posted from you Eduard! Beautiful poetry and your SparrowHawk flute sounds great. I agree with previous commenters that the flute would have been nice to hear throughout. Your voice is so perfect for poetry reading! Thanks for this gift

Yay!
A dramatic reading by Drak. Cool beans, as Harold used to say. The poem is a suitable lament for the Miwok and your delivery is suitably respectful and understated.
If you're taking votes, I agree about extending the flute ("longer languid notes at reduced volume") but leave out the seagulls behind the reading, if/when you revisit.

Tom Dooley, noted
Oh yes, I am always taking notes and learning! Your excellent suggestions make sense, and I will attempt to come up with some flute-bient (ambiflute?) background that doesn't interfere with the poem. I agree that seagulls tend to interfere with ANYTHING you do (I live by them, I know!)

more breath...
Thank you for listening and commenting, Andrew, I think you are right that I should practice up and play more of the flute under the whole piece... a good thing for me to work on during these cold evenings! I always appreciate your thoughtful suggestions! Off to return the favor now!
ttfn,
Drakonis

Drak,
I am aghast! I never knew you played ethnic flute. Beautiful tones and melody. Nice to hear your voice as well. I recently went to a flute festival and saw many craftsmen who made and played either Japanese style or Native American style flutes. I was tempted to get one, bur refrained. Now I am feeling the urge again. You provide just the right backdrop for establishing an appropriate tone for the reading. The reading is precise and austere, which I think matches that tone and the authors material. Very good.

Agape, Aghast, Aggie-something...
Hi Steve. I own a Japanese style (shakuhachi) flute as well, and they are persnickety and devilishly difficult to play, so I had given up years ago, but then tried this Native American flute at a Renaissance Festival (? don't ask, they let anyone in these days :-) and fell in love with it and bought it too. The guy who hand-crafts them lives (and gives workshops) in Arizona, but sells them on-line too.

I look forward to re-working this with more flute undercurrents.

And you really SHOULD order one of these flutes, they are gorgeous and sound rich and haunting. I'll e-mail you the link...

I'm glad too!
It has been awhile, huh? Good to hear from you too... eaten those tilapia yet, or did the raccoons get them first? :-) Thank you for listening to this new direction for me... I'm off to hear what you and Jack are up to now. Hugs to you and Mo.
ttfn,
Drakonis

A story
that's well known and here with simple unpretentiousness well told.

I liked your accompaniment. It echoes the unpretentious sentiments of the poem. Would have loved to have heard more of it. Still it was a wonderful way to start my morning here at work.
Cheers,
Charlie

me-work
Glad to offer you smiles at work, Charlie. And yes, I will be practicing up to redo this with more flute playing, as soon as I catch my breath :-) Thank you for listening and help guide the direction of this with me! And happy holidays.
ttfn,
Drakonis

Heartfelt
There is a sincerity in your voice and the sense that you've tried to feel and identify with the poem. The flute is a perfect touch and elevates the narration to an experience. Soothing, enjoyable and thought-provoking.

Timeless
Lovely art - visual, musical and voice talent too. Reading well is not easy so I was surprised and delighted to find out that it was you. But to the music, there is a haunting quality to your playing which seems timeless and calls to a part of me that seems to know of these sounds from a long time ago. Who knows what is stored in our DNA after all. Any why are we all programmed to respond to the pentatonic scale? That's another topic, but a cool demo by Bobby McFerrin shows it well.

The call and answer left/right format you used is also effective as a conversation with slightly different tonality in each performance of the flute. I have only one nit and that is that I would have loved to have heard more flute (I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more flute - to paraphrase Christopher Walken).

Eduard's musical interests span a variety of musical genres, including, classical, world, ambient, electronica, and rock and blues. His venture "SchwanSongs" is where he writes and publishes his own musical compositions, usually classically-based m... [see more]