(Closed) FI will be having a stripper loaded bachelor party… and I'm okay with that!

I know there are a lot of girls here who stress about the bachelor party and lay down very tough ground rules, there are posts for them all over Wedding bee. I am definitely an advocate of every relationship has it’s own boundaries and I respect that. I have noticed however, that girls like me who encourage their SO to have a night of pure debauchary seem to get a little slammed or put down. So I figured I’d write my own post and see if there are other girls who share my opinion. When I first started reading some of these sorts of posts, I felt a bit disheartened and like perhaps I shouldn’t be okay with this. I actually started getting a bit nervous after further research and reading all the horror stories (probably shouldn’t have done that lol) but after a quick convo with Fiance, realised that I was being influenced by these other opinions, but they are NOT mine. So I guess I’m trying to say it’s okay to be okay with it 🙂

We aren’t getting married for another 11 months, but Fiance and his Groomsmen are already planning frantically for the bachelor. Its kind of cute to see them so excited and so organised for once!! Bridesmaid or Best Man even has a little diary that he bought LOL! So far the loose idea is a day of either paintballing or go-karts where the junior groomsman and FI’s son can be involved in. From there they will grab a quick dinner somewhere, then hire out the exclusive poker room of a local exclusive strip club. They will be served by topless barmaids and groom gets complimentary lap dance. The winner of the poker tournament also gets a lapdance and I think they give out some other prizes for various reasons. From there they will probably go back to a large apartment they will hire out and have a stripper or two rock up there while they continue the party. These strippers will more than likely be dominatrixes or something along those lines judging by the giggly tone of the Bridesmaid or Best Man and do the typical whipping with a belt, putting a leash on him and all that stuff.

I know to lots of Bees, this would sound absolutely apalling and that’s fine, but this is also a fairly typical bucks party in my area.

I know my Fiance has been dreaming about his Bucks party for years and years. I know that he loves looking at hot women and drinking. I am fine with him having a night of complete indulgence with the boys, letting loose before the wedding. I don’t count lap dances as cheating, in fact I have bought him one before for a suprise and know for a fact he likes the idea of them more than the actual act. I think the private shows where they humiliate the groom is for the friends expense more than the grooms and it will be a hilarious memory of the night.

I know that he will not “go too far” with a stripper. I know strippers will rarely sleep with a groom or be paid for sex and I also know that my FI’s friends and family like me almost as much as they like him (in fact I have been told a few times if he doesn’t go through with marrying me, they will haha.) Most importantly, I trust Fiance with all my heart to enjoy a little bit of harmless fun, but to know when to stop.

The other important thing was Fiance was open and honest about his intentions and said if I wasn’t okay with it, he would respect my boundaries. None of this “I can’t control what happens because the boys plan it” cop out BULLSHIT (sorry girls who have gotten that excuse) At first I objected to the strippers at the hotel room and he was okay with that, but then I had a change of mind and said you know what? I trust you, if that’s what you want then go ahead!!

The only thing I requested is if anyone does play up other than him, who is taken, I don’t want to know as it would put me in a compromised situation, but I know he will tell me anything else that goes down.

I guess I just see it as 1 night in our whole relationship and no big deal in the big scheme of things. From his side he gets the second best night of his life (after our wedding of course :P) and he has never and will never have this opportunity again (I hope haha). I mean really, I know girls say guys should have done all this while they were single, but unless they are loaded I don’t know any guys who would be the centre of attention at a stripper and alcohol laden event other than his bucks night. I don’t want him going through life missing out on that. He has always been steadfastly faithful to me and is a good man so I feel he deserves this.

My Darling Husband went to a strip joint for his bucks show but it’s more for the friends benefit rather than the groom most of the time anyway as you say. Being the centre of attention and/or humiliated is not his idea of a good time. My stripper attitude – looking I accept, physical contact not fine. Darling Husband feels the same.

nessdawwg: I agree with you. My husband worked out of town for 6 months before the wedding, and only made it up twice in that time, and I encouraged him to arrange something in terms of a bachelor party. I suggested even just grabbing the guys for dinner and heading to a strip club, just to have a bachelor party at all. It’s not a big deal to me, really. Well, the boys surprised him two nights before the wedding, and they took him out for dinner, and a strip club crawl. I was so happy that he got his bachelor party before the wedding! I just wish someone had let me know, so I could have brought in someone else to help me with the last minute stuff we planned to do! But it was worth it, to see what a good time he had with the boys!

Like you said, you trust him completely and you know how he’ll handle himself in that situation. Let the boys have a little fun.

MsW-to-MrsM: i dont know why you had the urge to write a bitchy comment. i was just trying to add a positive thread onto the bunches of negative ones you get if you search bachelor party.

MsChandler: I don’t have a problem with it being his second best night. I mean all his best mates in one place, grog and titties? Hell if I had exactly the same night as that with all my friends it would probably be one of my favourite nights ever, and I’m not a huge fan of titties.

I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle ground. I want my Fiance to have a good time, but I wouldn’t ENCOURAGE him to get strippers or go to a strip club. But if he did then whatever.

He wouldn’t go on his own accord anyway. I’m in the same boat as others who have posted, my Fiance hates being the center of attention, and his buddies paying for lap dances or whatever would embarrass him…it certainly wouldn’t make the best night of his life that’s for sure.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean strippers are the only thing that will make it a good night, but I definitely think they will contribute to the fun and make it a memorable night. Fiance already goes fishing, hunting, camping etc with the boys from time to time but it’ll be the only time in his life he will be surrounded by gorgeous women and his best mates. He isn’t desperate to have them, just wants them there for the entertainment value and the novelty. Good for you girls for letting ur FIs enjoy themselves 🙂

Your fiance is super lucky to have you, and you’re right it is completely negative and controlling of some ladies to have open communication with their partners in which they establish boundries based on their personal levels of comfort.

I agree, every guy who been with their partner and managed not to cheat deserves a lap dance. Lap dances all round!

LessIsMoore: I definitely don’t think its negative or controlling to establish boundaries at all! I think it’s smart! I think if a woman feels uncomfortable with the idea of something she has every right to establish boundaries. I don’t think I’m a “cooler” Fiance or anything, just that I have a different opinion to many of the bees and that’s okay too. I stated in my op that I was reading the bachelor party threads on here and they are all negative and about how fiances shouldn’t celebrate their upcoming nuptials with naked ladies. it made me feel kind of bad for being okay with it, and for wanting to have strippers at my bachelorette. like I was betraying feminism or something lol. I just wanted to write a positive thread to add to the mix of all the negative ones, for people who are going the “traditional” route, that it’s not a bad thing if you are both comfortable with it and trust each other And there can be positives for this type of party.

I too agree let him have It. But I say what’s good for the goose is good for the gander ! Lol since I really know what goes on at some of these parties….I do have to set some boundaries because sorry lap dances are not what only goes on. I trust my fiancé but and its a little but……his friends will do there best to get him embarrassed or in a compromising position. I’ve been told so. And I was like okAy? But the key is open communication and discuss what’s unacceptable because you don’t know after drinking and pressure what can happen for fun sake. I am just saying. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes! Lol

LessIsMoore: Oh, and I certainly don’t think he deserves a lap dance because he has managed not to cheat on me, that’s a basic expectation in my relationship. I trust him because he is loyal to me and has proved that, not only by not cheating but following through on his word, being back home when he says he would and all those other little things. I’m not saying you don’t trust your partner if your not okay with lap dances, just that I don’t see lap dances as cheating and I trust him not to take it further.

Picosa2: I totally agree. Boundaries should be clear from the start. We have discussed ours, and will probably not talk about it again other than a quick reminder right beforehand. friends can be a bad influence but in our circle some of the manliest men are secret romantics and wouldn’t let Fiance do anything which may jeopardise the wedding. I would only be concerned if some of his friends hated me or disagreed with us getting married as I would fear they would try and sabotage him while he was drunk. I would probably request that those friends weren’t invited, which Fiance just agreed would be fair enough 🙂