Dwarf-tossing Leaps To American Shores

October 3, 1985|By Mike Royko, Chicago Tribune

When I wrote about the Australian tavern sport of dwarf-throwing a few months ago, I wondered when it would spread to Chicago.

Well, it's here. Or it will be here in November. A West Side bar has announced that it will hold the first dwarf-tossing contest in this city's history. It may very well be the first dwarf-tossing competition in American history.

For those who are not followers of this sport, it is simple enough. All you need is a dwarf who is willing to be tossed a feet onto a large mattress, a measuring tape and people silly enough to take part.

It originated in Australia as a contest among professional bouncers. The winning thug claims to have thrown a little fellow some 30 feet, but that record is unofficial because there is no international sports organization that sanctions dwarf-tosses.

The game spread from Australia to England, where a hulking truck driver recently won the British Dwarf-Throwing Championships with a toss of 11 feet 5 inches.

The English are claiming the world record. They say the Australian record is probably phony because nobody could possibly toss a real, 98-pound dwarf, which the English used, anywhere near 30 feet. They've even been hinting that the Aussies tossed an infant or a rubber doll.

That, of course, is one of the problems in dwarf-tossing. There are no real rules or guidelines as to the size of the person being tossed.

And Chicago's dwarf-tossing competition is not going to add anything to the legitimacy of the sport.

''Actually, you won't have to use a dwarf in our contest,'' said Chris Creswell, the owner of O'Sullivan's Public House. ''You can use anybody you want. Of course, if you choose to use a regular-sized person, your chances of winning won't be very good.''

The catch to the Chicago rules is that each dwarf thrower will be expected to provide his own dwarf (or other small person) to be tossed. That might make the results questionable because the Australians used one dwarf, as did the English.

And it might also make it difficult to enter. Unless you happen to know a dwarf who enjoys being tossed, it would probably be difficult to find one.

My guess is that the contest will never take place, even if people find consenting dwarfs.

That's because many people -- dwarfs and regular-sized -- are offended by it and have protested in Australia and England. They say it is insensitive to throw another person that way.

Actually, the Australian and English dwarfs didn't mind. The Australian said it beat his regular job of acting in children shows. He said he preferred flying across a barroom to performing before a horde of runny-nosed kids. And the tiny Englishman, who is known as Lenny the Giant, said being tossed wasn't nearly as degrading as working on an assembly line.

All the same, lawmakers in both countries have threatened to outlaw the tossing of dwarfs. Lawmakers here, too, would probably intercept this sport long before the first dwarf is lobbed.