David Duke at the Movies

August 23, 2018

Based on an online preview, I’m very concerned how Spike Lee’s portraying other me in his new movie BlacKkKlansman and, as a lifelong activist, I’m going to speak out. At the New York premiere I put on a tux and long, curly wig, so anti-whites won’t recognize me and bar the door, and ease into the theater and wait in the lobby until lights dim.

“Where’s Spike sitting?” I ask an usher, who gives me an unpleasant look as he points.

“Thanks, brother,” I say.

I ease to the seat of honor Spike always has at movie premiers, basketball games, and restaurants. I think the woman on one side is his wife and will be hard to dislodge. The other lady must be an actress.

“Excuse me, ma’am. I have very important business to discuss with Spike. May I have this seat?”

“You may not,” she says.

“Fine,” I say, looking at Spike and removing my rock-star crown before turning to the audience, which has damn few whites. “Listen, everybody, don’t believe how Spike Lee is representing me in this film. It’s a distorted image that keeps you from dealing with the facts.”

“Get your ass outta here or my guys’ll throw you out,” Spike says.

“Listen, Spike, I respect some of your work but this one’s way out of line.”

“Which of my movies do you like? I better go back and edit.”

“You’re portraying us as caricatures,” I say.

A mountainous security guard asks, “Should we toss him, Spike?”

“You take my seat,” Spike stands and tells the guard. “Duke, I’ve always wanted to straighten you out. Come with me into the lobby.”

We walk up the aisle and I hear lots of buzzing and a few obscene threats.

“Would you like some popcorn, Spike?”

“No, Duke. What the hell’s your problem?”

“I don’t like coming off as an ignorant and hateful cracker.”

“Let’s see, you used to be Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. You want me to make you Gandhi?”

“That was more than forty years ago. I’ve changed. Now I spend a lot more time worrying about Jews than blacks. Look how the Jews control our media and our foreign policy.”

“About ten years ago I saw you on TV with President Ahmadinejad at that conference of Holocaust deniers in Iran.”

“The Jews are trying to get us to start a war with Iran.”

Lee says, “Donald Trump and his group are the ones doing that. Do you really believe the Holocaust didn’t happen?”

“There were atrocities, no doubt, but not as bad as the media claim. I’m more concerned about present and future bloodshed. The white race in the United States is in genocidal danger. We need white civil rights and segregation and we’ve got to reduce welfare and busing.”

“There are about two hundred million whites in the United States and they still control most of the money and political levers, but you’ve always considered yourself oppressed. You need a shrink, man. That’s not an insult. That’s good advice.”

“Listen, Spike, I’m trying to help all people. I was conservative but moderate when I was elected to the Louisiana House in 1989, and even more reasonable when I ran for the U.S. Senate and for governor.”

“You got blown away both times.”

“The media, and that means the Jews, tricked people into opposing me. I’ve studied this stuff quite thoroughly, Spike. I hope you’ve read my doctoral thesis ‘Zionism as a Form of Ethic Supremacism.’”

“Who’d give you a PhD?”

“The Interregional Academy of Personnel Management in the Ukraine.”

Spike pulls a cell phone from his pants pocket, pokes the screen awhile, reads a little, and says, “That place isn’t even accredited in the Ukraine. Quit calling yourself Dr. Duke.”

“I’m a scholar as well as an activist and am dedicated to stopping the Jews from destroying the white race.”

Shaking his phone, Spike says, “I don’t need this to tell me you’re more jailbird than academic. About fifteen years ago you pleaded guilty to mail fraud and tax violations. You, the savior of the white race, told poor white followers you were in ‘dire straits’ and needed cash right away. They responded. After all, in those days you looked pretty good with all that plastic surgery. And what’d you do with the money? You spent it on your gambling addiction. How’d you like prison?”

“I only pleaded guilty because the media made sure I couldn’t have gotten a fair trial.”

“That’s weak.”

“Why don’t you admit Trump’s doing a great job and lowering unemployment for blacks.”

“He unworthy of comment except to say he’s Agent Orange.”

“You’ve been self-righteous so long, Spike, I bet I spend more time than you worrying about victims of black on black violence.”