I Vote For Setting a Good Example

Possibly the best parenting advice I ever received came from someone who had no children. Hours after our first child was born, a nun at the Catholic hospital where I'd delivered handed my husband a typed poem:

"Be careful where you go, young man, Be careful what you do. Two little eyes are watching you now— Two little feet will be following you."

Obvious, sure. But when you're so focused on giving the essentials—food, love, basic hygiene—it's easy to overlook that those little eyes soak up so much more from you, too. Things you might not even be aware you're transmitting.

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Like how family members treat one another, and whether respect and affection are part of those interactions even when you're sleep-deprived or stressed. How strangers are treated. How often please and thank you punctuate the day. Whether you come to a full stop at a stop sign.

The kids might look oblivious, but they're watching.

It's enough to make a mom self-conscious (which in this case is probably a good thing). Do you smoke? Swear? Drink? Eat your vegetables? Buckle up? When's the last time you called your mother? Do you vote?

That last one is more than a nod to Election Day. Voting is a perfect example of a parental behavior that ripples wider than is often realized. Too bad it's so far off many people's radar that it's not even considered a "parental behavior."

But it is. One of the surest predictors of whether young adults will vote in their first elections is whether their parents voted, according to research into plummeting registration and turnout among the young commissioned by the National Association of Secretaries of State (NASS). Young adults whose parents vote regularly are twice as likely to vote themselves, compared with those whose parents don't vote. Unfortunately, only half of all eligible grownups cast ballots. "Many youth are learning not to vote from their parents," the NASS report says.

Educators are trying to fill this gap. Kids Voting USA, for example, is a nonprofit, nonpartisan network that every four years sets up mock elections for kids at polling places and in schools. It's a hands-on way for them to learn, even if the election "results" are meaningless.

But there's no substitute for the real deal: letting them see you exercise your right and civic duty.

The first time I took a child into the voting booth, I was terrified she would accidentally bang the touch screen for Ralph Nader. (She was 15 months old, and she didn't.) The older three were intrigued by the sense of ceremony and by the festive air. They asked many questions. (Like, "Can I have a balloon?" and "Why are there elephants and donkeys?") We'd taken them along because we lacked childcare, but we also had a vague sense of wanting them to witness history, even if they were still too young to grasp the fine points.

The 3-year-old came away declaring her intent to marry "George W. Bush, not George H.W. Bush," as she specified every time. Over the longer term, though, I like to think that she and her sibs absorbed another kind of affection from the posters, signs, ballots and "I voted" stickers—an appetite-whetting taste of democracy in action. As you press those buttons or punch out those chads, the faces and issues in the news are, in that moment, in your hands. Tell your kids this. Tell them this basic concept is how our country got started—the people wanted a say.

This year my kids are old enough for slightly more sophisticated questions and opinions. One child thinks Senator Obama has "a cool name." Another is impressed by the fact that Senator McCain's children include a Marine, a former Navy pilot and an adopted Bangladeshi. I'm impressed my kids are paying attention, even as I try to nudge them from appearances to substance.

Instilling civic engagement works much like other positive behaviors we want our kids to develop—start early and reinforce often, says Marc Zimmerman, PhD, professor and chair of the Department of Health and Behavior and Health Education at the University of Michigan School of Public Health, who studies the topic. "Whatever point of view you have, the idea of democracy is having thoughtful conversation and thinking critically about your world—and modeling that behavior. Kids are way more attentive to us than we give them credit for."

Research has also found that kids who get involved in community- or church-related extracurricular activities may be less likely to try risky behaviors as adolescents.

And if those motivations aren't enough to convince you to vote en famille this November 4, there's Thomas Jefferson's take: "A government is like everything else: to preserve it we must love it…but the surest way of instilling [that love] into children is for parents to set them an example."