Of everyone, Keri Hilson turned it out best and most appropriately in Basil Soda. Predictably, metallic mania saturated the 2011 Grammy red carpet. JLo in Emilio Pucci, and look at little Snooks werking an exaggerated shoulder. Selena Gomez looked ten years older in J Mendel. Heidi Klum improved over her last dress disaster with this Julien MacDonald. Kim Kardashian gambled on titty tape in Kaufmanfranco, Miley in Cavalli, and Rimes in Reem Acra. JHud channeled Naomi in Versace. She’d be a contender for best dressed if the skirt had reached the floor. From the waist down, the dress is reading budget. Ciara showed almost everything in Emilio Pucci. Wrong shoes girl. Minaj in Givenchy, Gaga in Hussien Chalayan, and (to some extent) Rihanna in Gaultier served avant-garde, but their attempts at fashion rebellion felt a bit contrived. Florence Welch broke out the new Givenchy hot off the runway. Katy Perry dug up her Halloween faerie costume from 2001. Wings Katy, really? That abomination is fucking Armani yo!Don’t love the dress, but overall, this is a vast improvement for Nicole Kidman who has been looking like dookie lately. Natasha Bedingfield and Julianne Hough also donned florals and patterns.

Best dressed goes to Julie Bowen for her flattering and original Catherine Malandrino jumpsuit. Julie gets the prize because this may be the best she’s ever looked. Hitting her fashion stride, the choice highlighted her toned arms and tiny waist. Christina Hendricks also deserves compliments for reining in her (allegedly enhanced) rack in this elegant long-sleeved L’wren Scott gown. Modern and slimming, a much-improved showing for our Joanie. Yeah, yeah, Mila looked great in Alexander McQueen. Finally, she picked a gown that does her justice. She’ll be the obvious contender for “best dressed” among the mainstream critics. It wouldn’t be a proper awards show without a Demeter Clarc selection making the cut. This time Julia Stiles worked this Monique L’huillier ombre from the Pre-Fall 2011 collection. Don’t love the uninspired hair, but she gives good gown. A trio of cap-sleeved gowns appeared on January Jones, Jenna Fischer, and Nicole Kidman. Jayma Mayes and Jennifer Lawrence worked detailed variations of the theme. None were particularly spectacular. On the fug continuum, Jayma sits on the least offensive end and Jenna on the way, way, way other side. Heather Morris, Kyra Sedgwick, and Sarah Hyland served sexy strapless. Tina Fey, Winona Ryder, Claire Danes, Dianna Agron, Julianna Margulies, and Natalie Portman sucked all the seduction out of the silhouette. Angie Harmon suffered from a serious case of overcompensation. I’m so mad at Winona. The one-shoulder women, tasteful Hilary Swank wearing Versace, and budget Kim Kardashian in Marchesa. While originality is always appreciated, the most interesting part of Eva Longoria’s Georges Hobeika gown was estimating how much titty tape went into tacking that strap down. Sophia Vergara joked that she makes everything look like Cavalli. Unfortunately, that means she makes Cavalli look like Jovani. Lea Michele came with a whole different take on the deep-V in Oscar de la Renta. Overall, it was a very de la Renta-heavy evening.

Sidelining fashion this week, Rachel focused on hosting her entire family for a Passover Seder dinner. Having never cooked a meal before, Rachel informed Rodger he would be hitting Bristol Farms with her later. Like all recent conversations between these two, this one spiraled into baby talk with Rachel promising to be in the delivery room by this time next year in her black vintage cashmere Chanel cape-robe.Team Zoe met up with comic Amy Phillips to film a “viral video” for The Rachel Zoe Report. Rodger tried to run the meeting, but ended up chucking a pen across the table at Rachel when she failed to give him her full attention.Rachel and Rodger continued to criticize, degrade, and humiliate one another publicly, thereby breaking one of the cardinal rules of successful relationship preservation: only fight in private. After the extremely tense and unfunny shoot concluded, Rachel and Rodger took their vitriol to the street where they got noticeably loud on the sidewalk.Next, Beau Garrett showed up with her dog to get looks for the international up-fronts and Kalamity premiere. Leave your fucking dog at home! The utter hubris of risking dog piss on Dior makes me hate this wooky-eyed bitch from the get.Team Zoe and Beau selected three looks: a cute Diane von Furstenberg, a boring blue Lela Rose, and a random long black Malandrino. After searching far and wide, not a single photo of the Z-list Garrett in any of these looks could be found. Doesn’t mean she didn’t wear them, just means she’s not worth photographing.Rachel delegated styling the Zico coconut water Molly Sims job to Brad and Jordan, so she could concentrate on Passover dinner. Sidenote: enough with the disgusting fucking coconut water.Since Rachel wouldn’t be micro-managing, Brad decided he would like to keep the selection tight and not take every rack to the shoot. This strategy totally blew up in his face when he arrived and was informed of an entirely different vision for the campaign.Rather than just rolling with the changes, Brad argued with the photographer over wardrobe. He tried to hide his humiliation with defensiveness, but just ended up looking flustered and unprofessional.Molly Sims showed up looking like she’d been pulled out of a drain, and Brad looked slightly panicked. Ultimately, an intern returned with some additional white exercise choices. You would think as “Style Director” Brad would know that in the world of fashion, options are everything.Meanwhile, Rachel and Rodger met up with Marisa at Bristol Farms to shop for the Seder. Rachel wandered from aisle to aisle, infuriating an irritated Rodger.Back in the kitchen, Joey and Rachel worried whether the turkey would have “hair” on it. Marisa, sick of hearing Rachel’s idiotic ramblings, took over and materialized dinner. Rachel barely managed to execute a salad before her family arrived.Rachel’s agent brought his baby to the Seder, and Rodger nearly melted at the sight of Rachel with child.During a break from kitchen duty, Rachel and Joey talked reproduction on the porch. Rachel tried to explain that to her, clothing and bags are a reasonable substitute for a baby.Rachel confessed her anxiety over having waited so long to get pregnant and her doubts of carrying a baby to term. She worried that she lacked the physical and emotional strength to endure pregnancy. Her articulation of these deeply personal fears provided a glimpse into a more authentic, sincere, less-superficial Rachel.