My next-door neighbor had her baby at home a couple weeks ago. I knew when she was in labor because I saw the midwife arrive in her little station wagon with a home-birthing bumper stick posted on the back window.

The next morning the new mom stepped out onto the balcony overlooking our backyards and showed me her new baby boy who was snuggled up in a wrap against her chest. She was wearing sweats, not some silly hospital gown.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“I just feel so relaxed. Having him at home was amazing.”

She later shared with me the story of birthing in a large tub of warm water in her bedroom. Her husband was in the water with her. The birth was powerful and fast, a little over an hour. She didn’t tear at all.

Afterward, the midwife and her team cleaned up everything and she crawled into bed with her baby.

I’ve seen Ricki Lake’s Business of Being Born and loved the movie. I’m familiar with the research and know that having a baby at home is a safe, and usually a healthier, option for both mother and child. But I’d never really had a strong desire to birth at home until I saw my neighbor go through the experience. Being pregnant, I certainly could consider this option but there are a few things stopping me.

1) Fear. My 12-hour labor with my daughter, my first, ended badly. She got stuck in the birth canal, her heart rate dropped, and I was forced to lie flat on my back with monitors on my stomach. I was eventually given an epidural, carted into the surgery room and told that I had three pushes. If I didn’t successfully push her out, the surgeon in the corner of the room would dive into my stomach. The pushes, along with a little help from the doctors who performed a vacuum extraction, got my daughter out quickly and the Cesarean section wasn’t necessary.

I experienced a birth complication that was scary enough to make me think a hospital equipped with doctors ready to address any emergency might be a good place to give birth. If I were to have the baby at home, I fear this might happen again. I’d be fully prepared for the home birth and then I’d end up in the hospital anyway, or even worse, I wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time.

2) Worry. I’m a worrier by nature and I have a feeling that if I were birthing at home I’d worry endlessly about all that could go wrong. While many home-birthing advocates say that we should fear hospitals, I’ve had too many positive experiences with doctors–one who literally saved my life and another who successfully delivered my baby without the need for a C-section–so I trust them.

3) Money. My insurance covers everything related to a child birth taking place in a hospital. All prenatal appointments, sonograms, tests, the actual birth, everything is free. I don’t even have co-pays. But my insurance won’t cover a dime of a home birth that would cost roughly $5,000 or more in the San Francisco Bay Area. It just doesn’t make financial sense as we don’t have extra money to spare, especially with a third child on the way. (Note: A home is actually less expensive than a hospital birth so if you don’t have insurance home birthing is the cheaper option.)

4) My age. I’m 39 years old. The risk for complications is high. As I mention above, I’d hate to put tons of thought and money into a home birth and then end up in the hospital anyway.

5) My second birthing experience in a hospital was awesome. I delivered my son, my second, standing up. The doctor, who coincidentally happened to be an old college friend, put pillows under me and caught my son in her arms. No drugs. No interventions. Pure and natural. (Although I have to add that I was in labor for only an hour and if it had gone long, I’m sure I would have asked for an epidural!)

Despite all these reasons for not giving birth at home, a small part of me wishes I had the courage (and the money) to do it. If everything were to go smoothly at home, I know that we’d be bringing our baby into a much more relaxed and homey environment than a hospital could ever offer.

Have you considered a home birth? Did you go forward with it? Why or why not?

27 Responses to I wish I had the courage (and money) to birth at home

I think I would consider it if we were to have another baby, but we’re not. I believe my body is capable of it, I’m healthy and have had two healthy babies in the hospital with no interventions or drugs, so I would really like to try it, but alas, that is not in the cards for us. Similar to your experience I didn’t really think about it until my friend had a homebirth and told me about it. It does sound good.

Kristinsays:

April 24, 2013 at 10:07 am

I don’t think I’d consider it, for the reasons you mentioned. With my son I labored at home until my contractions were very close together. I arrived at the hospital 8 cm dilated and met my baby 3 hours later. I was fine with that experience, and expect I’ll shoot for the same type of delivery next time.

While I don’t love all of the interventions that can come with being in the hospital, to me it’s worth the hassle to have the comfort that if something truly goes wrong they can handle it immediately. I live about 30 minutes away from the nearest hospital, and in an emergency that can make a big difference.

Morgansays:

April 24, 2013 at 10:11 am

We had a home birth, and it was wonderful. But because we didnt have insurance it was also much much much cheaper for us. Being able to snuggle in bed with my brand new family right after, was the most special, wonderful thing. We would pick homebirth again in a second.

layasays:

April 24, 2013 at 10:55 am

When I was pregnant I planned a homebirth and was very into the idea of a peaceful, private birth… when I went into labor my mind changed pretty quickly! All I wanted was pain relief and a monitor to make sure my baby was okay. While in the hospital after the birth (we transferred) I loved having nurses to care for me and food brought to me.

Susansays:

April 24, 2013 at 11:22 am

I seriously considered an at home birth with my first. My grandmother was a midwife and delivered hundreds of babies at home and I was really attracted to it in much the same way that you describe. Something held me back – and I was incredibly lucky that it did. I had HELLP Syndrome with that pregnancy (a rare and severe form of pre eclampsia). It did not help that I had an atypical presentation of HELLP and it was very difficult to diagnose. Had I been in a different hospital it may have ended badly. I had to have an emergency c-section under general anesthesia with a blood transfusion. My husband’s ex-girlfriend home birthed with the same condition (unknowingly) six months later and she died. I think home birth is wonderful, but sometimes there is no better place to be than a hospital. At your age, and with your history, I think you are making the best decision for you and your family.

mama to 4says:

April 24, 2013 at 11:39 am

The idea of a homebirth sounds wonderful. But I will never have one (unless unexpected circumstances) due to all that could go wrong at the very end of a labor. something as simple as a cord being wrap around baby’s neck or baby getting stuck, can result in a baby’s death by the time you get to the hospital. I am very blessed to live in an area with a free standing birthing center where my kids were born and we had the same freedoms and choices as if we were at home (my appts were there, and it literally is a house, with a few offices downstairs, so you can labor/birth in a tub, bedroom, etc) but there is a hospital directly across the street. And the doctors/nurses there are very pro all natural/whatever the family wants.

i just know I could never live with myself if something happened, even after 4 healthy non complicated births, and being in a hospital could have prevented it.

ASsays:

April 24, 2013 at 11:53 am

I don’t think I’d want the mess. I actually looked forward to going to the hospital, birthing, being moved to another clean room, and then coming home to the clean house I stayed on top of every day the last few weeks. I swear I’m not OCD, but something about knowing my house was in order and calm really helped! Also, I live in a neighborhood with houses close to each other, and I was LOUD, I may have been too self-conscious.

I would love to birth at home. Even though I had a great labor and delivery experience in the hospital, I hated the hospital stay afterward. Unfortunately insurance might be an obstacle, though.

Caitlinsays:

April 24, 2013 at 1:51 pm

I couldn’t do a home birth. My son was born with a lung infection and was immediately taken to the NICU and put on a ventilator, I live in a small town with a hospital not equipped for that situation and an hour from the closest hospital, so my son may not have survived if we hadn’t been in the hospital. That fear for any future children will have me always giving birth in a hospital.

Michellesays:

April 24, 2013 at 1:58 pm

I would’ve loved to have a home birth but it makes my husband (and our respective families) way too nervous. Plus, I live in a town that doesn’t have any registered midwives or doulas so it just wouldn’t be possible. My second delivery (which was just a week and a half ago) went really quickly so there was a chance she would’ve been born at home anyway! (We arrived at the hospital around 12:30 a.m. and she was born at 1:22 a.m.)

Brookesays:

April 24, 2013 at 2:17 pm

Since I have had to be induced with both of my babies, homebirth really wasn’t an option for me. I think it is a fantastic option for healthy pregnancies. I couldn’t be happier with my most recent hospital birth. What really made it great was we were able to escape 24 hours after the birth and only had to spend one night in the hospital. My perfect birth is a hospital birth and a home recovery.

Katiesays:

April 24, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Maybe I’m strange, but I actually liked my hospital birth. No mess to clean up, I get my meals brought to me whenever I want them (and the food at my hospital was actually good!), and someone to take my baby when I need to sleep. After giving birth all I wanted was a meal and a nap. Pushing a baby out is hard work!

To those that decide to have a home birth, I’m happy for you. I could never do it. I need to know that the hospital is right there if something goes wrong. Especially now that I had a C-section (1st baby vaginal, 2nd C-secion due to preeclampsia and a breech presentation). I plan to go VBAC, but the though of a uterine rupture scares me, and I want all the medical back-up possible just in case.

I had a home birth 6 months ago and the experience was incredible. Previous to this birth, my two other boys were hospital births. Hospital vs Home birth…Home birth is a WINNER! Labor for me was very peaceful. I labored in my bathroom tub (majority) and around my bedroom in different positions. Labor went better than expected. With hot water flowing across my belly the contractions were way less intense. Thankfully, I was even able to take naps. My husband was able to get some shut eye and my boys slept through the entire experience. I didn’t have interruptions constantly like my hospital births and that was awesome. I actually had to wake my husband to let him know it was time! It took me 8 hours from labor to birth. I did not tear where as, with my two previous hospital births I did. If blessed with another baby I will be having another home birth!

Sandrasays:

April 24, 2013 at 7:20 pm

I am a labour nurse, and there are wide variations of practise depending on what hospital and even what doctor you have. NOt wrong, just different, and some of these differences may be against what a woman wants. being well informed about what you want and what is available is a must, and a written plan you ahve discussed with you HCP is highly recommended. I am not against home birth, I think it can be a valid option, but those families take the risks associated with it. I have seen enough scary deliveries that were unexpected to know I want all the right people there if my baby is in trouble. Midwives rock, but I need a team!

Bethsays:

April 24, 2013 at 9:14 pm

I birthed with a CNM midwife in a hospital and loved it. I had the security of the hospital with the midwife approach to labor and delivery. I also enjoyed that first night in the hospital all by myself with my wee one.

One other concern with home birth for me is my pets. I can see myself laboring in a nice tub and the dog walks up and starts drinking from it.

I live in the Netherlands, where home birth is an option that’s fully-covered by insurance and midwives are certified with four years’ of intensive training that includes having to witness and help deliver at least 20 babies (and actually, my pre- and postpartum care was done exclusively by midwives), and they are integrated with the health system of the entire country, so if something goes wrong, they can have you in the hospital in 5 minutes flat, and the hospital has all of the important records already. They won’t even allow you to give birth at home unless you meet a long list of criteria, including living in close proximity to a hospital. This is the only circumstance in which I would even consider a home birth (and as it is, I had always planned on having a hospital birth). I would NEVER have a home birth in the US. It’s too insanely risky, the midwives might be very well-trained or you might have picked a very good con-artist and there’s no telling which, if you should need a hospital there’s no system in place that will guarantee you a bed, and there’s no way to be sure that the postpartum care that you get will be up to standard.

Janinesays:

April 25, 2013 at 3:13 am

I live in the UK and had a hospital birth with my first child. It came very close to intervention, but I did it drug free and no complications in the end.
For my next child I am seriously considering a home birth. Luckily home births are covered the same as hospital births under our health system so the only extra cost may come if I decide to buy/hire a birthing pool.
I did not consider home birth for my first simply because I did not know how I would cope, what might happen, etc.
I am more confident now, having been through it once, and the hospital is only 10 mins away if something does go wrong.

Everyone is different, and every pregnancy is different, so don’t ever feel bad about your choices.

MelissaTsays:

April 25, 2013 at 5:50 am

I was in the same dilema. My son was born at the hospital healthy and safe. I thought the staff was excellent and the facilities were great. I just had a really rough recovery. During labor, I hated laying on my back because of the epidural. My nurse had to tell me when to push because I couldn’t feel anything. I didn’t like being so disconnected from my body. My son couldn’t turn around because I was laying on my back and he was born face up. I experienced a huge episiotomy and a lot of tearing. I had so many stitches, I couldn’t sit down for two months.

I decided to birth my daughter at home for a lot of reasons. She was facing the same way as my son. Because I could move during labor, I was able to turn her around. Labor was fast and peaceful (though you might not have thought so if you were listening to me!). My recovery was so fast. My wary husband and family were delighted.

Reading other women’s stories and educating myself on my body’s abilities was a huge influence on my decision. I would definitely suggest reading these things if you are interested.

I never considered home birth because of the reasons you mentioned. Also, with my first child, I was in labor for approximately 18 hours and my baby “failed to progress” down the birth canal so I had a C-section. I feel comforted by the hospital.

I hope to have a home birth in the near future approximately in 2 years. I love the idea and with my first child it made me want it even more since I felt as if I was asked for this and that during labour.

Monicasays:

April 25, 2013 at 8:51 am

I have had homebirths for two of my four children with a midwife. We didn’t really have much of a choice the first time around because we lost our insurance while I was pregnant. The next time around, I knew I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have to say that the mess has never been a problem. A short time after the birth, my midwife helped to my bathroom and helped me shower (she stays in the room to make sure Mom doesn’t get lightheaded and pass out in there. While I got clean, he two assistants took care of the mess. They pumped out the birthing tub and took it out, they changed the sheets on my bed,started a load of laundry, they took out the trash, and they washed up and put away any dishes they used (I remember a lot of boiling water to fill the tub because my water heater couldn’t keep up.) By the time I was done with my shower, no one would have known that a baby had just been born in my house. Then, my husband proceeded to make sure I had loads of food, anything I wanted.

Isasays:

April 25, 2013 at 10:19 pm

I don’t think it’s courageous to have a home birth.
My son went to the NICU after birth. Also, I loved having someone clean my room and bring me meals.

LKsays:

April 26, 2013 at 10:36 am

I would never contemplate a home birth for very long, mainly for a lot of the reasons that you gave. (Though I think it sounds very wonderful!)
I also would not just because my first child ended up being a C-section, and while my second child turned out to be a non-medicated, fairly fast, vaginal birth, what happens if #3 turns out to need some help and/or something goes wrong and I need another C-section? Give me the hospital.

LKsays:

April 26, 2013 at 10:37 am

Forgot to say too that I just don’t think that home births are very common in the part of the US that I live either. I honestly do not know anyone that has had a home birth, except by accident. No one I know actually planned a home birth, so that always weighs into the fact that I have never contemplated it too long.

Katesays:

April 29, 2013 at 5:30 pm

I have 3 beautiful daughters and have always wanted to do an all natural birth. However, my first two were born prematurely (though I did get to do it epidural-free) and needed to go to the NICU after they were born. My third was full term, so I hired a doula and planned an all natural hospital birth. However, my full term baby had a prolapsed cord and was stuck in the pelvis with her arm over her head. I was rushed in for an emergency c-section and my baby was rushed to a different hospital with a level III NICU. Both of us could have died had we not had immediate medical intervention. I wish I had uneventful births, but my high-risk pregnancies always led to some sort of emergency while in labor.

I realize my comments are one of many and that this post was written awhile ago, but right now I am going through the process of deciding what to do (and you, I’m sure, have already decided). This is my first birth so it’s extra interesting to be considering a birthing center and the reason being is over the summer, right around the time I conceived, I ran into several different things that started me to look into the idea. I’ve talked to many people and it seems to becoming a more up and coming thing.

With Birthing Centers, it is still very “home-y” and personal and your choice, and still typically very close to a hospital, taking minutes to transfer you to a hospital in an emergency. Many have a CNM midwife (a nurse with a Masters Degree and very experienced). They have you do lots of check-ups and tests even if you so choose, and will refer you to the hospital if you are high-risk.

One thing I love is that you can actually visit these centers- get a tour and ask tons of questions, and they are extremely helpful in answering those questions and they do a lot of risk-averse things. If nothing else, just talk to them and get a feel for it. It wouldn’t hurt and the ones I visited were not pushy- it’s all about how you feel.

On the other side, if you tend to worry very easily then maybe the hospital is the “peace of mind” that you need. I will say however (and you’ve heard this if you have seen the documentary, which I only recently saw) that if hospitals are so safe then why are C-sections so high (not the way I want to go) and why is the death rate significantly higher in the US vs other countries that don’t consider the Hospital as the first place to turn to? A thought to consider but peace of mind is important in your birth.

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