The Home Improvement Ninja's battle to the death against his 100 year old townhouse. Currently, it's looking like they are evenly matched.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Yes, We Have No Bananas

I have mentioned before about how much I hate Home Depot. In particular, I hate the Home Depot on Rhode Island avenue in Washington, DC. The other one in Virginia sux compared to Lowes too, but it doesn't suck as badly.

Everytime I swear off that place, because of the surly incompetent staff or the fact they never have what I need, I end up going back there because it's closer than Lowe's. This weekend was no exception.

I used to laugh at Charlie Brown because no matter how many times Lucy would pull the football out from under him, he was always convinced that this time, things would be different. Well, old Charlie has nothing on me. After previous trips to Home Depot where they have been out of such basic things as solder and teflon tape, I realllllly swore never again to subject myself to the Kafka-esque level of stupidity.

Ninja: What do you mean you don't have teflon tape?Depot Moron: We're out of it. Ninja: This is the plumbing section. How could you be out of it? Depot Moron: Well, sometimes we run out of stuff. It's not like we don't have anything, we got plenty of pipes. Ninja: What good are pipes without teflon? How are you supposed to join them, with Duct Tape?

(this is a simulation of how I feel whenever I leave Home Depot. I don't really look like this guy though. I am more ninja-esque).

So this weekend, because I needed to be punished, I went to try to get some plumbing pieces. Brass Bushings to be exact. I needed to re-connect a couple of radiators and I needed brass pieces to go from the copper pipes to steel pipes, because if you connect copper directly to galvinized pipes, they react chemically and leak eventually. I always use brass pipes to connect copper to galvinized because the other solution (a di-electric union) doesn't work. It's a big scam. And a waste of money. And ummmm, it probably causes cancer. There, I said it.

So back to Home Depot. I am looking around and I didn't see any brass fittings at all (except for the teeeny tiny compression ones you use for connecting air lines) . And they didn't even have steel bushings in the size I needed either, that I could've used instead. So, despite my better judgment, I asked one of their crack plumbing staff about it.

Ninja: Where are your brass plumbing fittings? HDMoron: We don't carry them in this store. NInja: Huh? Why not? HDMoron: Uhh, well people buy brass just for the appearance, but we don't have a lot of room to stock it, so we carry galvinized fittings instead. Ninja: What? Brass is not just for appearance...what if you need to join copper and galvinized pipes?HDMoron: Well, you could use a di-electric union. Ninja: *sigh* okay give me one of those. HDMoron: We're out of them.

Unfreakingbelievable. This reminds me of that joke where the guy tells the waiter he wants an ice cream sundae, but with no walnuts, and the waiter says "I'm sorry, we're out of walnuts, would you like it without almonds instead?".

12 comments:

That's my closest Home Depot too. I've tried to forget all the horrible times I've had there. The most fun was trying to find the right size screws for the fixtures on my 1940's era kitchen cupboards. Give me Frager's anytime.

I hate Home Depot, too, though I hate Lowe's just as much. I find their employees equally incompetent. Ah, I remember fondly the time we asked where were the heat guns for removing paint and were directed to the flooring section.

The only way I can goto Home Depot and not lose my sanity is to pretend that I'm the only person in the store. It's just little ole me.. wandering the aisles. No body else here. Just me. Luckily the Home Depot here obliged my delusion by adding "Self-checkout" lanes. Now I can go through an entire visit and no actually talk to an employee. It's bliss.

The last time I was at Home Depot, after I found what I needed on my own (out of necessity), the checkout girl talked on the phone to a friend during our entire transaction, never once saying a word to me. I gave her the loud, sarcastic "you're welcome!" combined with a glare as I took my change, but I'm sure it didn't phase her one bit.

90% of Home Depot workers are incompetent asshats. I shop locally whenever possible.

This post got me laughing so hard, I almost needed to use some of those pipes HD has in such abundance! A major chain in Upstate NY is going out of business, which now leaves HD and Lowes as the major suppliers. sigh... The village hardware store may be a bit more expensive, but it is SO important to support their business!

As much as I'd like to tell you to stay away from HD, it does make for delightful posts!! ;)

Oh, this reminds me of every trip I've ever had to Best Buy. I'm convinced they just train the people at the front of the store to tell you to go talk to the people in the back, who tell you to talk to the people in the front, who tell you..... aaargh!