It’s finals season, which means it’s time to pull out your finest procrastination techniques. For those of you who have little success with this throughout the rest of the year (I’m looking at you, Butler all-nighters), I’ve put together a little how-to for you, focused on the best way to procrastinate: film.

1. Re-watch the classics:

There are some fantastic new titles on Netflix these days, including the classic Forrest Gump, Diane Keaton’s Something’s Gotta Give (fun fact: my mom based our kitchen off that movie), and the tear-jerking Schindler’s List. On Amazon, you can laugh at Caddyshack, delve into the world of Indianna Jones, or dance along to Footloose. If you’re looking for a two-hour study break, I’d definitely recommend watching one of those great films.

2. Binge a comedy:

If you haven’t watched all of Friends in one full reading week, do you really go to college? And if you have, have you done the same with Seinfeld, How I Met Your Mother, Arrested Development, and 30 Rock? By the second season of each, you can just leave it on on the background of your computer while you “work,” and the jokes will just soak into your skin like delightfully comforting rays of sun.

3. Watch a chick-flick:

I know, I know, you’re too mature for the ridiculously over-dramatic and non-realistic world of chick-flicks. But let me tell you, there’s nothing as comforting as taking a break from your hours of studying to watch Jay Mohr win Jennifer Aniston’s heart in Picture Perfect, or listen to Hugh Grant’s deliciously attractive accent in any of his films. I’m telling you, chick-flicks will make you smile, and I have a feeling you haven’t been doing enough of that this week.

4. Head down to Broadway:

Yes, it’s reading week, but it’s also one of the only times you’re in New York without class, so take three hours to go downtown and see a fantastic Broadway show. This month, Matthew Perry is making his playwriting debut in The End of Longing, and shows like The Lion King, Wicked, and The Book of Mormon are still going strong. For cheaper tickets, check out off-broadway’s Avenue Q or The Fantasticks, which closes this month after over 50 years on the stage. (Protip: download the app TodayTix or head over to the TKTS booth for discounted prices).

We here at the Lion understand that this is a hectic week for you leading up to Fall Break. Two or three midterms? A couple of papers? We truly feel your struggle. Thus, to take a little load off your shoulders and maybe grant you an extra hour or so of sleep, we took the liberty of compiling various study guides filled with A1 content. Hopefully, this will make your cramming a breeze (like the one Iphigenia was sacrificed for). Good luck: may the odds be ever in your favor.

The Lion team would like to credit Ryan Mandelbaum, Michelle Vallejo, and Constance Boozer for putting together this comprehensive review guide.

NOTE: Some texts such as, Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon are not included.

Welcome to another installment of Ask an Adult, where Rebecca Hsu, CC ’89, tells you what to do about life’s biggest problems. Have a question? Send it to thecolumbialion@gmail.com – God knows we aren’t qualified to answer, but we’ll pass it along!

Q: It’s finals week — save us! What do we do about stress?

A: What is stress? I’m a doctor, so let’s start with the medical definition: stress is defined as an organism’s total response to environmental demands or pressures.

As you approach finals week, I’m sure you understand. There have been studies to show that the stress felt by students taking finals is like that of soldiers entering a battle. Well, I definitely took a few exams where I would have preferred bullets flying by my head than writing the answer to the question.

First and most importantly, you need to realize what you are stressed about. You think you are freaking out because you need to pull an all-nighter to finish your Lit Hum paper, but what you may be more worried about is what to wear on your next hot date, since you can’t decide between the red pumps and the black sandals.

Let’s make it simple by starting with the obvious and easy. Find a way to RELAX both your body and your mind. This usually means taking a study break.

Here are a few suggestions for one:

Engage in some intimate time with another person. For those of you with your mind in the gutter, yes, sex is on the list. However, aside from the postcoital high that may follow by a good nap, it shouldn’t be the only option that comes to mind. A long walk, an interesting conversation, a nice meal, a massage, or any time spent in the company of someone you like can be very good for you. Even if all you do is vent about how much you hate whatever, at least you get it out of your system.

Do some intense physical activity. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. Go for a run (not in Central Park, alone, after midnight. This is a stress relief thing, not a suicide mission). Get some friends together and play a game that involves a lot of running around. No, shopping doesn’t count in this category, but do read on.

Do some shopping. When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping! At least that’s how they handled stress in Great Neck, Long Island where I grew up. This can be great, but expensive. Window shopping, without buying, counts. Then you have a great excuse to buy it AFTER you pass your exams…

Do something quiet that lets your mind wander. Read a novel (one that isn’t required reading, of course). If you enjoy meditating, painting, writing, or any type of craft or hobby, now is a great time to break it out and dust it off. You liked it before school, so why not indulge a little now?

Make some noise. Sing, dance, blast that stereo for just a little while. Blow something up-that’s what chemistry lab is for, isn’t it? As an archer, I’d feel better when I just plain shot something. It could work for you too!
Just make certain you do SOMETHING. Cook, clean, create, or destroy something. Do whatever it takes to take your mind off the current problem. Remember that taking too long can be a problem, so whatever you choose to do, make it a quickie!

What SHOULDN’T you do?

Don’t beat yourself up for feeling stressed. You will only become more stressed. Pain is a relative thing. Just because you think it can’t get worse doesn’t mean it won’t!

Drowning yourself in ANYTHING is not good. This includes, but is not limited to ethanol, drugs, sex, work, and swimming pools. Follow Aristotle-there is a balance to be struck that works.

The key to stress relief is to find something to keep you happy while your mind works out the details of how to handle whatever is making you stressed. You will be surprised how quickly that works or fails to work if you are too intoxicated to think about anything. Get yourself calm and you will start to ask: “What stress? I feel great!”

Ok, maybe not great, but as long as you do SOMETHING other than what you were stressing out about, you’ll find that you didn’t need to stress after all. To assist you in this, let me make a suggestion:

As we reach the end of the semester and the start of finals, The Lion team wanted to share some recent submissions we’ve seen.

Orgo Night

One of Columbia’s more controversial events, the Columbia University Marching Band’s Orgo Night takes place in Butler 209 at 11:59PM on 12/16. During the event, the band comments and jokes about past events on campus while helping students destress through their performances.

To get ready for the event, check out their promotional video here and advertisements below.

Fall 2015 Orgo Night Poster

In other Orgo news, Kevin Chiu (SEAS ’17) along with Helen Chen (CC ’17), Rebecca Gellman (CC ’17) , and Sid Perkins (SEAS ’17) created a video for every student out there studying for their Orgo Finals.