I remember so clearly the day I handed my notice in to leave my corporate job and begin life as an entrepreneur…

Even though I knew this was what I wanted, I was really scared to hand over my resignation letter because it made it REAL. There would be no going back after I uttered those words: I’m resigning…

I held on to the letter with a vice-like grip before handing it over. It was almost like I was trying to delay the moment… This was the stepping off point for me… The transition point from where I was at that point in time to where I wanted to be.

…And it was all down to handing over one significant letter.

This was the game changer. Everything changed in that moment. I had to start taking myself seriously as an entrepreneur and show up fully as the leader in my life.

It was HUGE and SCARY…

…But it was the BEST decision I’ve ever made!

People who are thinking of making this transition often ask me about my decision to go on my own: Did you worry that it might not work? Were you scared that you might not get any clients? What if you failed?

And yes… I worried!

I actually woke up bolt upright the morning after I had given my notice in with the voices in my head screaming: “WTF have you done? Are you completely out of your mind?! You have a great job here!”

Any change can be scary because it involves letting go, finding courage, and taking forward motion. You have to take a risk because you don’t know the outcome.

As a frequent traveller on the London Underground, I’m constantly reminded to mind the gap! It’s painted on every platform and there’s an audio reminder before the train doors open and you step off the safety of the platform.

Why the reminder?

Because energy flows where attentions goes! So if I’m reminded to pay attention to the space between the platform and the train and I’ll take conscious action to make sure that I avoid the potential danger of the gap.

I often use the metaphor of Mind the Gap to explain how I bridged the gap and navigate through transition.

Learning and growing into the gap helps you to be the person you want to be NOW. The term Mind the Gap reminds me that if I want to successfully change I have to be mindful of the gap between where I currently am and where I want to be… knowing this and growing into it makes the transition real…

Before I stepped off the platform and onto my train of becoming a business owner, I recognized that I needed to develop a plan of action to enable me to successfully transition from where I was to where I wanted to be.

I call this my Gap Strategy…

Where are you now? Before making any change you need to look at your starting point – Even if feels uncomfortable. GPS can’t work if you’re typing in your destination but it doesn’t know your beginning point!

This involves self-assessment so you can have a clear picture of where you are currently: what you want and don’t want moving forward. What are your strengths, skills and passions? Do you know your value and how to leverage it (not monetary!)?

Where do you want to be? Continuing our Mind the Gap metaphor: it’s also important to understand what train you’re looking to step onto… (and that it’s in the station when you take that step!)This is all about getting clear, developing a vision and daring to dream. What does it look , sound and feel like? You have to become an investigator and do the work to explore your idea and where you want to go with it. Try it on for size! Generate some options.

How do you get there? Well, you have to buy a ticket! In other words: You need to invest time, energy and money in making it happen! An idea remains an idea unless you ground it by setting a deadline and start moving towards it. You have to pay attention to any gaps in your knowledge, skills and behavior and develop a gap strategy to help you leap over and take conscious deliberate action. What do you need to learn? Who is doing this already? How are you getting in your own way of success?

I’d decided on a clear plan of action and had been implementing my strategy over the previous twelve months. I worked with an awesome coach. Slowly I’d been building my marketability and leverage, learning about being an entrepreneur and living from that place. I was building my list and a client base, while I was still in my day job. I wasn’t perfect but I was fully engaged, committed and aligned my action with my values. I was prepared for my leap across the gap.

The gap finally appeared before me in the moment that I handed my notice in, and I was ready. I was already an entrepreneur. I’d claimed my power and shown up as leader for the last 12 months. I’d already prepared the way, I was now executing my strategy. I stepped over the gap to where I wanted to be.

That final step is often the hardest…because it’s scary to watch as your old life falls away. This final act was the last thing that held me back from the realization of my dream… Yes it was a scary moment but it was exhilarating at the same time!

I knew what I needed to do, I leaned in and made it happen…

I am the “after” of many of my client’s before… If you’d like some help minding and transitioning YOUR gap, drop me an email at info@elainebaileyinternational.com.

“Clarity is power, and knowing where you’re going is the first step in getting anywhere.”

Adair Cates, Author of, Live With Intention

When I work with clients all over the world, I often talk about the imaginary sport of Blindfolded Archery. This is where people are trying to aim at a target with blindfolds on. As you can imagine, blindfolded archery can be very messy!

If you don’t know what you’re aiming for, the consequences can be disastrous!

While this is a silly example, it’s the way so many people are actually living their lives. It’s easy to lose focus, get distracted, overwhelmed, and live unconsciously.

The end of the year is a natural time for us to step back and reflect on our lives and for some, a chance to re-align to our goals and dreams.

Many of our dreams stay as dreams and every year we go through the same ritual of saying: “Next year is going to be different…I’m going to make some changes!” But nothing ever changes.

A New Year always brings with it a feeling of hope and the opportunity to show up a little different. I love the metaphor my primary school Headmistress used to share with us every January, when we returned to school: She believed that each New Year was like receiving a new exercise book or journal to write in. A brand new book, never been used before. Her metaphor gave us permission to show up differently or to begin again…You can almost smell the pages of the new book as you open it for the first time. Each new page is blank and it’s up to YOU to create each day and fill the pages with content, as your year unfolds. In other words – you get to create YOUR year!

You are the author of the next year in your life!

A New Year represents new beginnings. These might be big or small – it doesn’t matter:

• You can start fresh and make things different from what has been.

• You can set a new course or direction.

• You can show up a little differently (at work or at home).

• You can do something you’ve never done before.

• You can reinvent yourself.

• You can restart a hobby or interest.

Whatever your goals are here are 5 ways to get clear for the New Year and make things happen:

1. GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT. For any goal or dream to have a chance of success, the first step is that you have to get REALLY clear about what you want and set an intention (or re-align to your intention if you’ve gone off track). Write it down – this does make a difference! The challenge for many of us is that we start off with good intentions. New Year’s Resolutions are often motivated by ‘musts’ or ‘shoulds’ and remain in our heads on a list of things to do. So write down WHY do you want it!

2. TEST YOUR COMMITMENT. Once you have set an intention you then have to make a 100% commitment to the outcome if you really want it to happen. Not a 60% or a 90% commitment. Otherwise, you’ll just do things when it’s convenient and your heart won’t be in it. Buy a notebook and write your intention on the first page. Use your blank pages to focus on your goal and record your progress. Writing down your goals helps you to commit to them because it keeps them in your mind.

3. GET STARTED. Talking about it won’t make it happen! You have to get moving and take action! You might set an intention and then get scared or bogged down in the detail before you begin. You know what you need to do but you never seem to get round to doing it. The key to being successful is simply to BEGIN… Focus on the first step. Big things get done in small chunks. It’s ALL about Getting Started!

4. TAKE CONSISTENT ACTION. Tony Robbins, author and motivational speaker says: ”In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.” Conscious deliberate action is essential if you want to make your intentionbecome real. Track this weekly and schedule time for small do-able activities towards your goal. Create a habit to make it happen!

5. GET SUPPORT TO HELP YOU ALONG THE WAY. Having someone on your side is extremely powerful. A coach can help you to stop playing small and start creating real forward motion towards your goals. They will help you to work through any roadblocks as you encounter them and keep you accountable (email me at info@elainebaileyinternational.com for a complimentary Clarity Call).

“Because how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”

~ Annie Dillard

A tale of Christmas present…

The last few weeks I’ve been coaching a lot of tired and exhausted managers. These people have spent the year working at 150 MPH. They’ve delivered, over-delivered, and in that run up to Christmas, they continue to deliver some more.

Most people see Christmas as a brief ‘time out’ from work. For a few days they get to escape from the busy-ness, usually a chance to over indulge mince pies and sherry!

Working as an international consultant I know how this feels. Once you get to December, the last few weeks up until Christmas can seem a very uphill climb. You’ve been working so hard all year, even though your appraisal says you’re an ‘A’ player and a ‘star’, it’s still hard to take the foot off the gas and not be as hard on yourself in those last few working days before Christmas.

Some of my clients have caught colds; others are just limping their way towards the Christmas holidays.

Sometimes we even forget how to slow down and be gentle on ourselves because we’re not used to it!

Here are a few tips to help you ‘wind down’ for Christmas if you have to work:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Slow Down – Full on all year is MORE than enough. Slow the pace down and set yourself 1-2 key things that you want to achieve over the Christmas working period. It’s okay to slow down a little. Re-set some boundaries for the next couple of weeks if you’re working. Lighten up on the pressure.

2. Create Some Thinking Time – This time of year many organizations are goal-setting, so this is a good time to spend ‘on your business’ rather than ‘in your business.’ Instead of doing the do-do of working and reacting. Set some time aside to get clear on your goals for the coming year. Define what’s important, set some boundaries around them. Get clear on how you want to work in the New Year. What do you want to do differently? Create a good foundation for next year…NOW!

3. Permission to Leave On Time – I always think of Bob Cratchit, who is the abused, underpaid clerk of Ebenezer Scrooge in the classic Charles Dickens story ‘A Christmas Carol’. How Bob has to work on Christmas Day. Often Scrooge is not our boss but ourselves making us work harder and squeezing out every last drop of working time. It’s totally okay to leave on time over Christmas. Give yourself permission to go home!

4. De-Clutter Your Work Space – Why not clear your working space in readiness to hit the ground running in the New Year? Clearing the clutter, whether it’s physical paper work or your email folders, can really help you to start the New Year from a better place. You’ll feel more focused and organized.

5. Be Present At Home – Forget about work when you get home. Be 100% present for your family and friends this Christmas and have some fun! Take some time out for YOU. Even if it’s playing with your kids’ Christmas presents!

Re-read the quotation at the top of this eZine article – How are YOU spending your life?

Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

~ Miguel Angel Ruiz

As human beings, we all make assumptions and believe them to be true. We can’t help ourselves! We are barely conscious of most of the assumptions we carry with us because they feel so real.

We make assumptions based on our (sometimes limited) observations of the behavior of others, past experience and what we perceive they might be thinking. Through our filters we distort the messages and create labels for the other person such as he or she is no good at…. (sales, managing projects, etc).

You believe this label to be real and start to develop a fixed mindset around it. Sub-consciously you will look for evidence to support your original assumption. In other words, we see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear, filtering out anything that is contrary to our assumption.

Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of communication, because you think you already KNOW the answer or understand what is going on. You can also take things personally and feel awkward about a situation so you ignore it, or gossip about it to others while avoiding contact with the person concerned. You are frightened to ask for direct clarification by having a conversation.

Many of our assumptions remain untested, yet we believe them to be true and use them as a benchmark to discount people. This limits their future potential and any possibilities because we’ve already labeled them.

In other words, it’s easy to write someone off, not include them in something, and ignore their potential for learning and growth.

Assumptions are dangerous!

In a business context, one thing that greatly reduces the creativity, performance and growth of your team are the assumptions that you make.

Here are just a few of them:

He/she is not good at xxx.

It can’t be done.

I don’t have the time.

He/she is not a sales person.

It’ll cost too much.

It would take too long to develop.

Believing your assumptions means that you will write people off, often without even having a conversation with them. Your imagination makes things up when you don’t understand something and an assumption is created about its meaning. Finally, when the truth is revealed, you may find you’ve totally misunderstood the whole situation and gotten it horribly wrong.

Here are some of the potential outcomes of making assumptions. You will:

Lose trust in others.

Become more reactive.

Stop the growth and development of others.

Miss opportunities.

Limit the potential of the team.

We tend to look for mirror images of ourselves in others. We assume that others think and feel the same way as we do and make the same judgments. We imagine the truth and don’t see the reality of how things are or the potential for what could be.

If we take time to understand WHY people behave the way they do, then we can make better judgments of their behavior and possibly prevent ourselves from making some errors of judgment.

Here are a few ways to avoid making assumptions…

Have the courage to communicate when things feel uncomfortable – Instead of avoiding a conversation and sharing your fears with others, have a conversation with the person directly. You may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome! Have the courage to ask the questions and listen to the response with the intent to understand. Suspend your own pre-judgment of the situation.

Look for the potential in others – Don’t write people off too quickly with sweeping statements. People’s potential is unlimited. They may not be good at sales today, but if you give them the tools, opportunity and encouragement to learn, you could help them transform their performance (and your business). Invest time with your people; be open to them growing.

Test your assumptions – How do you know that what you are thinking is real? What evidence do you have? You might be wrong! You could be creating a bottleneck in your business because of your own lack of trust. Help others grow and move forward. Check in on your own thinking and turn it around. For example:

What if he/she was good at xxx?

I wonder if it’s possible to…

What if I created the time to…

What if I developed their sales skills?

Be extra vigilant when the relationship is one you know well – Most people aren’t telepathic… they don’t know what they don’t know! You might shutdown when things feel uncomfortable, especially around people that you know well. You might assume you know what the other person is thinking so you don’t say anything. Honestly, you have no idea what the other person might be thinking or feeling! If you don’t have the conversation, you might create discomfort and tension and give out the wrong message – one that says that you don’t care. The other person can’t read your mind and won’t always understand just because you think you know them well. Find your voice and always establish the truth.

Have you noticed that if you are really motivated to do something, then you’ll make time for it?

You are only as busy as you allow yourself to be!

I’m not saying that you are not busy – most of us are crazy-busy. The challenge for many of the people I coach is navigating the massive amount of distractions around them. They lack the focus and commitment to their time for their High Value Work and what’s important to them.

One of the main reasons for this is because there is too much to pay attention to!

We are living in an information-rich age; more information than ever before is at our finger-tips instantly and we try to take in all in and maximize it in the shortest amount of time. We literally haven’t got time to think things through because there are so many demands placed upon us. We have so much to pay attention to that our thinking becomes splattered and thinly spread. In other words – we give our attention away.

Your attention is everything! It’s one of your most valuable resources…

It makes you aware of your surroundings, critical for your well-being and keeps you safe by alerting you to danger. Attention also helps you learn and enables you to concentrate on what you need to do in any situation. It keeps you focused in the present moment.

How often do you say: “I’d love to… but I don’t have time!?”

Thinking time today is often seen as a luxury and compromised or sacrificed on the altar of busy-ness. It suppresses creativity.

Setting aside time to think and to relax is as important today as it has always been.

We live in such a fast-paced world and we burn through time so quickly. It’s easy to get lost in the thick of thin things!

I guarantee that the external pace of the world isn’t going to slow down. So you have to decide to consciously take some control back. Otherwise you will forever be lost in reactivity and chaos as you burn through time here on Earth.

How do you do this?

Start by thinning out the trivia – You know… the unimportant stuff that you just do. Where are you hemorrhaging your attention and time? Facebook? Searching the web? Getting involved in other people’s urgent agendas that are not important to you?

Do less and do it well – Get clear on what is important – plan and prioritize. Do one thing at a time and do it well. Doing fewer things at once can help you engage your thinking. So instead of chaos and reaction, you get to apply your attention and thinking. Honestly, multi-tasking doesn’t work and leaves your attention splattered. You forget things and are more likely to make mistakes.

Learn to say ‘No’ – You can’t do it all! Learn how to articulate this in a positive and assertive way with courage and consideration. Set some clear boundaries and stick to them. Respect yourself as much as the other people you serve. This is YOUR TIME to give and if you’re doing everything for everyone else, who is doing the important stuff for you?

Take time to make time – Schedule daily pockets of thinking time in advance every week and show up for them. If you create time to think about things, both short-term and the bigger picture, you will get things right the first time by giving yourself valuable space to focus on one thought. You don’t have to think alone – having a conversation with a like-minded person can share knowledge and wisdom and you can bounce ideas and crystalize your thinking. Consult and talk with a thinking partner.

Protect your attention – We are hard wired for distraction. It is an instinctive reaction from prehistoric times when we’d be scanning our surroundings for predators. Of course, a lack of focus could be due to extreme tiredness, or low self-esteem. Our attention can have a huge impact on the quality of our life. It takes a lot of investment of time and energy. You can practice it, develop it and strengthen your skill by doing some simple things such as:

Disconnecting from the internet for 2-3 hours a day to focus on the current task.

Turn off your phone in meetings and when engaging with others – give them your full attention.

Journal/keep a log of your daily activities – it’s a free writing activity that helps you focus on facts and feelings. It will help you to stay focused and give you valuable reflection and thinking time.

Regular exercise and eating healthily can really help too.

Be present in the moment wherever you are. Showing up and fully participating in this will help you focus and learn.

Keep a list of your top 1-3 priorities for the week so you can get back on track again.

Take an extra moment – In every situation, just take an extra second or two to be aware of your attention and where it is focused. Re-calibrate and re-align consciously to your intention and make sense of what this situation requires.

Distraction is everywhere – it’s woven in to the fabric of our modern world. Therefore, if you truly want to live an amazing life and be successful at work, you need to be conscious and deliberate as to where you place your attention. Energy flows where attention goes! Use it wisely! It only takes a few moments to re-align and put your attention on your intention… Keep recalibrating to stay on course.

“Pain prompts us to face who we are and where we are. What we do with that experience defines who we become.”

~ John C. Maxwell, Author

Throughout my working life I’ve been helping people face their problems, challenges and mistakes. I coach individuals how to grow through them. I believe that people thrive when they are able to face their problems and screw-ups in a way that shifts any bad experience, and uses it as a catalyst for change and future success. I have witnessed many profound shifts.

We all have painful moments in business (and in our personal lives, too) no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Honestly, if you’re taking risks and wanting to stand up and play a bigger game, then you can’t avoid painful experiences. It’s part of the journey on the rollercoaster ride of success!

No one enjoys being in the middle of a bad experience. It hurts emotionally, and sometimes physically, when things go wrong. We re-live the experience moment by moment, replaying it in our mind in the hope that we can somehow change the outcome, go back and say things differently, or change our behavior in the past.

But, as you know – it’s not possible…

How do you respond when you say the wrong thing or drop the ball?

Do you get angry or frustrated with yourself? Shrink into yourself emotionally? Get upset and teary? Worry that everyone thinks you are a bad person? Do you think, ‘Who do I think I am?’ Or maybe you try to completely detach yourself from the situation and ignore it?

Whatever you are thinking, you can’t change the past.

However, you ALWAYS have a choice on how you move things forward. In other words, what you decide to do with the experience will define who you become as a result of it. Do you:

Allow the pain to stop you in your tracks and you stay small licking your wounds and stay stuck re-living the moment over and over?

Make a decision to work through the discomfort by facing the issue and dealing with it?

Here’s the thing…

Painful experiences increase our self-awareness – we get to know ourselves a little better. They enable us to reflect on who we are, where we are and what we need to change, or how we can move forward.

It helps you to define WHO you want to be at a deeper level.

So pain can be helpful and I’ve known many clients who have admitted that their biggest breakthroughs came in the middle of a painful experience, often when they felt like giving up. These experiences move us in a different direction. You get to decide which way to go: will they limit you or lead you forward?

Challenging times are often pivotal points in our growth. If you want to grow and develop then you have to learn to manage these experiences along with the good ones.

Here’s how to grow through pain…

1. EVERYONE has them – Knowing this helps! Negative things will happen; we’ll say the wrong thing in the moment, even though we had good intentions. Life is full of good and bad experiences; some you have control over and others you don’t. It’s how you manage them both that count because you can’t avoid them. Manage your expectations and know that it happens sometimes. It’s not fun in the moment, but if you can handle it well and turn it around, it may become a great story to tell afterwards.

2. Make it a positive experience – Most people react to bad experiences – they don’t handle them well. Change your frame of reference for the situation and how you look at it. It’s easy to make judgments and assumptions or blame others. Maybe you can’t change what has happened, but you can change your attitude towards it. Look at what you have learned about yourself and how you can apply these lessons moving forward. Bad experiences are portals for learning – choose to see them and use their gift as an opportunity for growth.

3. Take responsibility – Accept that you’ve screwed up or could have done things better. Don’t listen to your ‘victim’ story: woe is me or start wallowing in self-pity – this isn’t serving you! It’s easy to cling on to the negativity as it intensifies in your head. Instead, accept the situation and be kind to yourself. Let it go. Make good what you can and take forward motion knowing that your intention was good…You get to choose how this changes you.

Whatever you are experiencing in life just now… remember that you always have the opportunity to grow from it. The seed of growth is always there, you just have to look for it.

Your bad experiences can be a catalyst for unlocking your creativity. Assess the situation and manage your experience by deciding to make some positive changes. It’s all part of the process of life!

Having spent many years on the road, I’m a seasoned traveller. I’ve always got a suitcase packed. As an international learning consultant and coach, I stay in hotels approximately 2-3 nights per week!

As I’ve gotten older, although I love adventure, the travelling has become a harder slog for me and if I’m not organised, it can be quite exhausting.

In the past few weeks I’ve coached three people who have struggled with overwhelm and exhaustion during their business travel.

Traveling for work can be intense because you push yourself to a full schedule, packing everything in to maximise your time away. You travel home and plow straight back into a busy schedule of catch up. Returning home can make you feel out of control, tired, exhausted, and burned out.

Here’s what I’ve learned about travelling:

Travelling IS tiring – Whether you’re flying to India on business or attending a conference 120 miles from home, travelling is tiring — both mentally and physically. Lugging cases around, catching trains, planes, and taxis involve extra effort.

Your routine is gone – Your routine is thrown out of sync because you’re doing something different. You might be leaving loved ones at home or taking them with you. You might be in a different time zone so your body clock gets confused.

You work longer hours – Boundaries of working can become blurred because you’re staying in a hotel. There’s nothing else to do but work! A client recently told me that while in Singapore she ended up working local office hours and then continued working her usual UK time, as they came online. She was working 16 hour days!

Hotel living – While the idea of staying in a 5 star hotel and resort may sound appealing, after two weeks you can become a little stir-crazy, especially if you’re travelling alone. You can wake up not knowing where you are. You can feel lonely and out of alignment with yourself. Eating alone in restaurants can feel uncomfortable.

You eat unhealthily – It’s easy to eat unhealthy while travelling. Grabbing high sugar food because it’s easy. Also flying business class brings free alcohol on tap and good eating habits get forgotten as we eat ‘on the go.’

Here’s how to integrate with your travel schedule:

Plan the day before your trip to allow yourself time to pack and prepare. Don’t rush around last minute. This can cause you anxiety, stress and overwhelm – and you’re more likely to forget something!

During the Trip

Look after your body – Build some exercise time into your day. This could be ½ session at the hotel gym or sit ups in your room. Exercise helps you mentally and physically. I often go straight to the gym for 30 minutes when I arrive at a hotel.

Eat healthy – Carry healthy snacks with you. Look for healthier options as you travel. Make a conscious choice. Don’t skip meals or eat ‘junk’ because it’s better than nothing! Travel makes you dehydrate so be sure to drink loads of water!

Get some sleep – Have an early night. It’s easy to stay up late especially if you’re in a different time zone.

Treat yourself – Get a massage when you arrive or before you leave. I do this every time I fly in and out of the USA. It really helps me to re-align my mind and body.

Have a night off – You don’t have to go out with friends or colleagues every evening. Sometimes we do this for FOMS (Fear of Missing Something!). Listen to your body, not your head!

Arriving Home

I call this my Integration Day.

Allow one 1 day to recover from any significant travel and be gentle on yourself. Allow time to unwind from the road and adjust back into your home environment and routine. Otherwise it’s easy to get overwhelmed and over tired.