"In Control" - Vol. X, No. 12

By Steve & Dave (12.06.2006)

You might have thought that our “return to our roots” column of last episode would have helped us out with our writing problems. You would have thought wrong. We’re still having idea problems, just like two newspaper columnists, who are…well…also having problems coming up with ideas. We think you get the analogy.

Fortunately, the end of the season has arrived and we can spend the rest of the column picking our winners, and then justifying why we picked the way we did. Sort of like two horse race handicappers who pick their winners and then spend the rest of their column…justifying why…they…ummmm…we think you understand.

There was just something about watching Rob and Kimberly get pelted with tomatoes that almost made the entire season worth watching.

But before we make our picks, we would like to comment on the Detour from last episode. There was just something about watching Rob and Kimberly get pelted with tomatoes that almost made the entire season worth watching. Perhaps watching Kimberly have a melt-down added to the enjoyment, but seeing 20 or 30 bystanders chucking tomatoes at those two was just good television. It was kind of like watching a whole group of kids throwing food at two other...kids...in a food-fight...kind...you know, we will assume you know what we meant.

Another note-worthy item was watching Rob puddle up when talking about the possibility of winning a million dollars, getting married, and starting a family. The whole scene didn't cause us to like those two anymore, but it did rather remind us of some really poor guy who needs money to get married and start a family and then gets offered a one-in-three shot of winning...one million...are you seeing this analogy like we are?

We've said it before, and we will say it again here - STOP with the ‘Fear Factor' eating bits. One of the things that has made The Amazing Race such a good show in the past was how they visited different locales and then did things that were indigenous to the area they were in - NOT seeing how many fish eyes they could eat, or how many pounds of camel meat they could ingest. Continuing to do gross stunts as on ‘Fear Factor' would be like ‘Project Runway' trying to do gross stunts...just as on...'Fear'...another analogy we think you probably get, OK?

So let's move on to our picks, just like an article in TV Guide that had started out discussing The Amazing Race and then moved on...to...picking...hmmm. Moved on to picking...ummmm. Moved on to picking non-losers. Now there's an analogy you can sink your teeth in, just like a good piece of camel meat that you could also sink...oh forget it.

Dave's Picks: I'm going to start with the easy one. Lyn and Karlyn will finish third.

Steve: Uh, dude - I wanted to pick Lyn and Karlyn for third.

Dave: So?

Steve: So, I told you Sunday night I was going to pick them for third. You just did that to piss me off.

Dave: No way, man. They suck. They shouldn't even be in the top three.

Steve: I can't believe you're doing this. This blows.

Dave: Doing what? I'm making my picks here!

Steve: Whatever.

Dave's Picks, Continued: Tyler and James will finish second.

Steve: Gee, who couldn't see THAT coming?

Dave: What now?

Steve: Nothing. Nothing. Wonder where you got the idea of making Tyler and James second, huh? Maybe from ME again?

Dave: Oh get real. These two have run the whole race like they were following a map off the back of a box of "Lucky Charms", or something.

Steve: Hey, all I know is that I picked them for second before you did.

Dave: In that case, screw it. I'm going with Rob and Kimberly for second! Ha! What have you got to say about that?

Steve: [snickers] Nice pick, bonehead.

Dave's Picks, Continued: So that leaves Tyler and James to win. This sucks.

Steve's Picks: Now for the real winners. I'll start with third as well. Lyn and Karlyn will walk the whole leg and into a third place check, probably finishing three days behind the field.

Dave: Copycat.

Steve: You KNEW I was picking these two for third, that's why you did it. Face it, they've never finished higher than second in any previous leg, they're not in the best of shape, and the last leg is usually pretty intense.

Dave: Justify it however you want. All I know is that I picked them for third about a page ago...before you did.

Steve: Fine, I'll show you. Change my pick. Rob and Kimberly will finish in third. What do you have to say now, huh?

Dave: Mwahahahahaha! What are you gonna do, pick them to win? Mwahahahahahaha!

Steve's Picks, Continued: In second, I was going to pick Tyler and James, but someone already did that. So that forces me into a pick of Rob and Kimberly for second.

Dave: Way to go, you moron. I changed my pick - remember?

Steve: Oh yeah. To heck with it. I'm sticking with Rob and Kimberly in second.

Dave: How original.

Steve's Picks, Continued: Which will leave...oh dude...Lyn and Karlyn to win. How am I going to sell this one?

Recaps:

Dave:Lyn and Karlyn in third. These two have never finished higher than second in a previous leg. They are not in the best of shape, and the last leg is usually pretty intense. There's just no way that these two should win The Amazing Race 10, and I don't see them beating either of the other two teams.

In second, I'm going to go with Rob and Kimberly. Rob's treatment of Kim throughout the race has generally reminded me of Colin or Jonathan. Kim's continued implosions have reminded me a lot of Flo. Of course, with that logic perhaps I should pick them to win.

And finally, that leaves Tyler and James to win. Do they deserve it? Of course they do. Any team that wins TAR ‘deserves' it. It isn't an easy thing to do. Are they my first choice to win? Nope. That would have been one of the teams you will see cheering for them as they cross the finish line. One other thing to consider - rumor has it that many of the male/male teams that won't be seen on All-Stars weren't invited because it is too easy for an ‘alpha male' team to win. What would Tyler and James be? That's right, an alpha male team...

1st - Tyler/James2nd - Rob/Kimberly3rd - Lyn/Karlyn

Steve:Without admitting fault for forcing Bert VanMuster to make the Family Edition, Les Moonves once again gets involved in the Amazing Race. Stating in no uncertain terms that he's going to ‘shake up the world', he orders the producers to have the "chick team kick some ass". Bert then hires Jeff Gillooly (of Tonya Harding fame) to club the knees of the other teams. Rob and Kimberly have another major blowout arguing whether a trip to the hospital is necessary. The team of Tyler and James just happens to have some "pain medication" on them and continues with the race only to get lost in the final leg by following the map on the back of a Lucky Charms cereal box provided by a "helpful cameraman". Lyn and Karlyn finish in first by an astounding three days.

1st - Lyn/Karlyn2nd - Rob/Kimberly3rd - Tyler/James

Consensus:Based on 5 points for first, 3 for second, and 1 for third...Steve and Dave have predicted the first-ever 3-way tie for a million dollars in The Amazing Race's history. Since neither of them picked Rob and Kimberly to win, you should now know who really will win TAR10...

And finally, thanks to all our readers at TARflies who take the time to comment on our columns. We appreciate any input whether good or great. Thanks to the editors who donate their time to clean up our initial entries. And a big "thank you" (and Happy Birthday) to miri for allowing us to post our ramblings on the best Amazing Race site on the internet.