We do not want you to be unaware, brothers, about those who have fallen
asleep, so that you may not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. For
if we believe that Jesus died and rose, so too will God, through Jesus,
bring with him those who have fallen asleep. —1 Thes 4:13–14

BECAUSE OF OUR FAITH in the Resurrection,
is it realistic for Catholics to expect to grieve
differently from those who have no hope? In
my experience as a hospice chaplain and
bereavement counselor, I would have to say
yes, but don’t expect the pain to be any less
intense.

As long as we’re human, we don’t get a free
pass. Even Jesus wept at the death of his friend
Lazarus. I often remind people of that, especially
those who say things like, “I thought I’d
be stronger. I know he’s with the Lord,” or, “My
wife and I were daily communicants. I shouldn’t
be crying like this every night,” or, “It’s been
two months. Shouldn’t I be over this by now?
I’ve always had strong faith.”

Judy Esway is recently retired from her work as a hospice chaplain
and bereavement counselor. She holds a master’s degree
in theology and is certified in thanatology. She has had four
books and dozens of articles published in the national
Catholic press. She and her husband live in Canton, Ohio.

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