Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with pregnanthttp://ask.metafilter.com/tags/pregnant
Questions tagged with 'pregnant' at Ask MetaFilter.Fri, 30 Sep 2016 23:07:14 -0800Fri, 30 Sep 2016 23:07:14 -0800en-ushttp://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss60Maternity leave for managershttp://ask.metafilter.com/301072/Maternity%2Dleave%2Dfor%2Dmanagers
Managers of Metafilter, how did you handle coverage for your maternity leave? If all goes according to plan, I'm going to tell my boss that I'm pregnant next week, and I'd like to have some ideas/suggestions for her when she starts wondering how to handle my leave. If a member of my team were going to take a leave, I would have her list all her tasks, and then we would figure out who could cover them while she was gone (bringing in a temp or an intern, reallocating things across the team, etc.).<br>
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My job as a manager, though, seems significantly less task-based, and my projects and goals more long-term and amorphous. My list of tasks would range from "make sure team members are getting progressively more challenging assignments as their skills grow" to "attend lots of meetings about various company-wide initiatives and synthesize what you learn into a specific strategy for our department" to "be sitting in my office to answer random technical questions." (I'm sure much of this is egocentrism, but it's hard for me to imagine anyone else doing these things!)<br>
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When I take a week of vacation, no one covers most of my job, and that works out fine. If I left permanently (not going to!), they'd hire someone new who would figure out their own, very different way of doing the job. But I'm sort of at a loss to recommend how it should be covered for my medium-length leave (planning on a standard U.S. 12 weeks off).<br>
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(Bonus question: Anyone have experience turning a leave into a better job when you come back, a la <em>Lean In</em>? My pipe dream would be to turn this into an opportunity to promote a couple people on my team who are ready for more responsibility and to have some new challenges for myself when I get back.)tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.301072Fri, 30 Sep 2016 23:07:14 -0800AnonymousI've spent my whole life trying NOT to get pregnanthttp://ask.metafilter.com/299224/Ive%2Dspent%2Dmy%2Dwhole%2Dlife%2Dtrying%2DNOT%2Dto%2Dget%2Dpregnant
What are some good resources for getting in the right mental space to have a child? Like a lot of middle class women, I've spent pretty much my entire post-pubescent life up to this point trying to avoid pregnancy. Now I'm getting married. We both definitely want kids. The consensus right now seems to be that we will start trying, or at least stop trying not to, fairly soon after our wedding next spring. Which makes perfect sense as we are not getting any younger. <br>
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To me, my partner seems to be more immediately excited about this than I am, though I think this might be because it has been drilled into my head since circa age 11 that PREGNANCY IS FOR FAILURES. I also have anxiety about how we will afford a child, how we will handle childcare, whether motherhood will spell the end of my creative side projects, etc. which my partner doesn't share. <br>
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I don't so much need convincing (I definitely want a kid and am on board to have one as soon as is reasonable), but I know that if I'm going to be mentally ready to start trying in 6 months to a year, I need to start wrapping my mind around it. I'm the kind of person who knew what colleges she was applying to sophomore year of high school. It seems bizarre to just be like "at some time in the next couple or three years, a person is going to plop out of my vagina and we'll figure it out I guess."<br>
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I'm interested in both practical resources (what requires advance planning? what are some things we probably haven't considered?) as well as things like memoirs, narratives, explorations of the subject of motherhood, etc. And especially some kind of roadmap. How does this even work? Do I just not refill my birth control sometime next April and that's it? Or am I supposed to be Awakening My Natural Fertility and examining my cervical mucus and such right from the start? Basically what I want is A Practical Wedding, but for the process of baby-making. Does such a thing exist?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.299224Sat, 13 Aug 2016 17:11:50 -0800Sara C.Let's make some memories.http://ask.metafilter.com/299178/Lets%2Dmake%2Dsome%2Dmemories
What awesome things should I do before I move away from Denver. Slight wrinkle, pregnant. Our contract in Denver will be up in April. Can you recommend some awesome and unique 2-3 day trips we should really try to fit in? <br>
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Things we've done and loved: Hanging Lake, Great Sand Dunes, Glenwood Springs Pool, Manitou Incline, Mt. Princeton Resort. I am 14 weeks pregnant and am finally waking up and not feeling like ass some days. So I probably shouldn't try skiing for the first time or partaking in our legal weed, but what other bucket list experiences should I be looking at?<br>
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(I'm due in early February so we'll be moving somewhere in the world with a not quite two month old, but that'll be a question for next week. )tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.299178Fri, 12 Aug 2016 07:09:54 -0800stormygreyPreemie Prephttp://ask.metafilter.com/297276/Preemie%2DPrep
It looks like my friend's wife will be having a premature baby any day now - suggestions on thoughtful, considerate gifts? My friend's wife is about 30 weeks pregnant with their second child, and due to rising health complications for both her and the baby, they've just been told the baby might have to come out any day now. They're being monitored regularly, and it's likely the baby will be born via c-section between 30 and 34 weeks. <br>
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Understandably they're quite stressed, and are scrambling to sort out the logistics - getting organized, arranging to get help with the older kid, coordinating assistance from their families, etc. The few bright sides are that a) they do have helpful family nearby, b) they're pretty wealthy and already have a nanny and house cleaning services, and c) we're in Canada with good healthcare. <br>
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I myself am 28 weeks pregnant with my first and they live about 5 hours away. So I'm not able to offer much more than emotional support and a reasonably-priced gift. But I am headed to their city in a few weeks for a wedding, and would like to bring them something helpful and considerate. <br>
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Looking for budget-friendly suggestions along the following lines:<br>
- food basket items - ready-to-consume foods that will appeal to vegetarians bordering on vegan<br>
- items specifically for premature babies<br>
- stuff that will help with being at the NICU for long hours<br>
- any other ideas / advice you can provide on supporting someone with a preemie baby from afar would be welcome.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.297276Tue, 21 Jun 2016 12:55:49 -0800lizbunnyI never thought I'd be so embarrassed to seek relief.http://ask.metafilter.com/296956/I%2Dnever%2Dthought%2DId%2Dbe%2Dso%2Dembarrassed%2Dto%2Dseek%2Drelief
IBS-C thinking about trying to conceive - how go I get off over the counter laxatives? Please help. I am completely and totally ashamed for confessing this. I've never told anyone and not even my husband of six years (married two after dating/living together for four).<br>
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About twelve years ago in my twenties I was diagnosed with IBS-C after having horrible, excruciating bouts of constipation that would last for days. At that time I was prescribed Zelnorm which was like a miracle to me and restored me to normalcy. Then it was yanked off the market in the U.S. I moved a few times in the two years to follow and every doctor to whom I sought help rejected my diagnosis and told me to eat more fiber. That obviously did not help the constipation and I eventually turned to over the counter laxatives out of frustration. I have been taking about 15-20 bisacodyl tablets daily for the past 10 years. It does what it needs to do. I've never had issues with control, it helps me have my 1-2 bowel movements a day, nothing more. I'm otherwise perfectly healthy, normal weight (5'7" and 160lbs) and exercise daily for 60-90 minutes by cycling or swimming. I drink 2-3 liters of water a day and eat generally healthy. <br>
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I'm now 36 and we have decided to try to have a kid in the next several months. I know I'm a bad person for having taken these pills daily, but it just hit me tonight that if I get pregnant, I'm screwed. Can anyone please point me in the right direction as to how to even start to address this? I'm worried about dying from constipation if I get pregnant. I'm so scared and worried that I will only get hit with more rejection from doctors.<br>
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I've tried going a day or two without taking it and can produce stool with straining, but it's the gas and acid indigestion that sends me back. I cannot use bulk-forming laxatives because they cause it to be worse. I've had complete hit or miss experience with stool softeners. <br>
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Please be a little kind. :(tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.296956Mon, 13 Jun 2016 02:55:50 -0800AnonymousWant to get pregnant, but travelling to the Philipines in Januaryhttp://ask.metafilter.com/296626/Want%2Dto%2Dget%2Dpregnant%2Dbut%2Dtravelling%2Dto%2Dthe%2DPhilipines%2Din%2DJanuary
My boyfriend and I want to start trying for a baby. But we have a 2,5 week trip to Hong Kong and the Philipines planned for January. How should we proceed, considering zika and (possibly) travelling when pregnant? My boyfriend and I are getting married next month after living together for seven years. I'm 28 and he's 30. We have both been talking about having a baby for a long time, and now we'd like to start trying after the wedding. But we have a 18-day trip planned around New Year's where we're going to visit family who's living in the the Philipines, and flying in and out of Hong Kong. <br>
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Now I'm unsure of how to proceed. On one hand, I know that there is a risk of zika in the Philipines – however, there only seem to have been a few cases reported. If I wanted to be absolutely sure, I would wait 8 weeks after getting home.<br>
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On the other hand, we have already waited a while to start trying because of the wedding. And, most importantly, I keep thinking that it's very likely for it to take a year or more of trying until we get pregnant, so better to start earlier. If I <i>were</i> pregnant, it could be a nice last vacation as a couple only.<br>
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So what do you think I should do, considering the zika risk? If we wait until after the vacation, how seriously should we take the 8 week waiting period?<br>
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And also, if I do get pregnant, I would probably be in my first or second trimester – is it even safe to travel to a place like this then?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.296626Sat, 04 Jun 2016 23:32:43 -0800AnonymousShould I do a grueling, but fun international trip while newly pregnant?http://ask.metafilter.com/296484/Should%2DI%2Ddo%2Da%2Dgrueling%2Dbut%2Dfun%2Dinternational%2Dtrip%2Dwhile%2Dnewly%2Dpregnant
I am scheduled to take a very long flight to go see a dear old friend in her new city in a few weeks. But it turn out I'm pregnant (oops! But yay!). I am traveling with another friend, and because we both had limited vacation time, we are only taking 5 days, including travel time. So this will be a lot of traveling in a short period, and a lot of jet lag (9 hours difference). I would be 7-8 weeks pregnant at the time of the trip. I'm really torn about whether I should cancel. I did something similar the last time I was pregnant (but a bit further along) and it was really brutal. In addition, my friend lives in an area that does not have any current Zina outbreaks, but theoretically could since that mosquito is already present (Southern California). And I know that losing the pregnancy during the trip is a possibility. <br>
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On the other hand, I was really looking forward to this trip. My traveling companion and I would both be out the money already spent on tickets. And everything I see online says there is no real risk in flying that early, right?<br>
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So, Internet, what would you do?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.296484Wed, 01 Jun 2016 13:42:37 -0800ohioPhilly Question: Getting to and from a concert at the Wells Fargo Centerhttp://ask.metafilter.com/293926/Philly%2DQuestion%2DGetting%2Dto%2Dand%2Dfrom%2Da%2Dconcert%2Dat%2Dthe%2DWells%2DFargo%2DCenter
We (husband and pregnant wife) are specifically looking for recommendations on getting back to our hotel after the concert. Details within. The Wife and I will be in Philadelphia at the end of April for a concert in the Wells Fargo Center. We are staying at the Double Tree Center City. Our first thought was to take the subway to and from the concert but we are concerned about walking and waiting a long time for trains afterward (The Wife will be 31 weeks pregnant). Here are our questions:<br>
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<li>Will taking the train be problematic (long walks to and from the stops to hotel and venue, long wait times, hills)?</li><br>
<li>If so, how reliably will we be able catch a cab/uber in that area that late (around midnight)?</li><br>
<li>Should we just rent a car?</li><br>
<li>Other?</li><br>
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This will be our first time visiting the city.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.293926Tue, 29 Mar 2016 22:57:48 -0800inviolableDoula for a Medically-Required Induction?http://ask.metafilter.com/293375/Doula%2Dfor%2Da%2DMedically%2DRequired%2DInduction
Should my husband and I get a doula to assist at my labor, which will be a medically-required induction at 39 weeks? Due to a genetic blood-clotting disorder that I have, I'll need to have an induced labor at 39 weeks. My husband and I are now grappling with whether we want to hire a doula to assist us (we're both newbs at this!), since many of the helpful pluses of having a doula (help with thinking through a birth plan, help with early labor at home, help in keeping the labor completely natural) seem to have gone out the window with the highly-medicalized planned induction.<br>
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The induction will be pretty set in stone, since my medical team doesn't want to take any chances with clots (I'm, like, a super-clotter of epic proportions, according to my hematologist). The induction will include:<br>
- being hooked up to a continuous IV drip from the moment I check in to the hospital (so that I can get a particular clotting medication)<br>
- some combination of cervical softener and pitocin drip, depending on how labor is progressing. Medical team is willing to take it slow - about half of inductions last longer than 24 hours at this hospital.<br>
- eating is fine during early labor, "clear liquids" allowed (including applesauce, jello, energy drinks, if desired) during active labor<br>
- intermittent fetal monitoring if things are going well, so I'll be able to move around and get into a shower and the labor room tub, should I so desire. I'll have to have continuous fetal monitoring and stay in bed if things aren't going so well or if I want any pain relievers<br>
- pain relief options: nitrious oxide and the typical opiates (Demerol/Fentanyl) in early labor, nitrous oxide and Remifentanil (very short half-life opiate) available in active labor through the pushing stage<br>
- NO OPTION OF EPIDURAL (blood clotting medication means no big needles near my spine)<br>
- general anesthesia will be required if I end up with a c-section (again, no big needles near my spine)<br>
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This will be taking place at UCSF which is a VERY women and baby-friendly hospital here in crunchy San Francisco. They're also up-to-date on all of the latest medical research, and have a brand-new women &amp; children's facility where I will be giving birth (this is why I can get nitrious oxide &amp; remifentanil during labor, both of which are relatively uncommon in the States). I'm super-confident in my medical team overall (high-risk maternal-fetal specialists, hematologists, anesthesiologists), although I don't know who will be on-call when I'm laboring.<br>
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So, given that set-up, to doula or not to doula? <br>
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Pros: give my husband breaks if labor is long (likely), suggest different positions or adjustments for help with the pain (especially since I don't have the option of an epidural!) and to move the labor along, giving massage as desired, helping to keep me focused/calm if I use opiates and get disoriented, and someone to stay by my side during recovery if I need to have a c-section &amp; general, so my husband can be with the baby.<br>
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Cons: my birth plan is pretty much "whatever the doctors say is medically indicated" so I don't need a doula to help me think through my options now or during labor, my labor will be highly medicalized/not natural no matter what, I feel pretty happy with my hospital medical team (although maybe I'll get a bad nurse?), I could end up confined to a bed/having pain relief, so maybe a doula won't be that helpful anyway?<br>
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I've read through previous Asks on doulas, but if you've used one, what were the big benefits they provided? Do you think those benefits would be helpful given my particular situation?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.293375Wed, 16 Mar 2016 13:45:29 -0800JaclynGiving up pet because I'm pregnanthttp://ask.metafilter.com/292128/Giving%2Dup%2Dpet%2Dbecause%2DIm%2Dpregnant
I'm 4ish months pregnant - yay! But partner thinks we need to give up our pet cockatiel because we won't be able to care for him and give him enough care and attention when baby arrives. Also, feather dust and bird poop do not mix well with babies! I do agree, but am finding the idea hard. Does anyone have any happy stories of having given up their pet for adoption and it all being ok? To complicate things, partner thinks we should keep birdie while I'm pregnant as company/stress relief for me, and just rehome him when baby arrives, whereas I feel like if we've made the decision to find him a new family, we should just get on with it. Little guy (the bird!) is currently sleeping on my knee completely unawares :-(tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.292128Mon, 15 Feb 2016 07:38:01 -0800Dorothea_in_RomeHelp me be as supportive as possible while pregnant and full of anxietyhttp://ask.metafilter.com/291769/Help%2Dme%2Dbe%2Das%2Dsupportive%2Das%2Dpossible%2Dwhile%2Dpregnant%2Dand%2Dfull%2Dof%2Danxiety
I'm 32 weeks pregnant with my first child. Meanwhile, my sweetie's father is succumbing to cancer (so, by the way, is my stepmom, whom I love dearly). I'm interested in tips on how to cope with tough stuff like this while pregnant, how to both be supportive and get the support I need right now. That's the gist. Now, some longwinded navel gazing context. I am trying my best to be as as supportive as possible. To my mind, this means:<br>
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a) Lending an ear and trying to lend uncritical, sensitive input when asked for. This is difficult as my perspective on what is going on, how the family is responding and the demands they make up on my SO is completely at odds with theirs. <br>
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b) Understanding that SO needs to spend as much time with his father as possible, and trying to keep in perspective what is at stake for them in terms of time together. Namely, that SO needs to do as much for his family as possible to avoid future regrets. SO travels a lot- 1 or 2 weeks out of every month for work as it is, and has accompanied his father to every cancer treatment (that he has been home for) for the past 2 years. By comparison, he has made it to 2 prenatal care appointments total since I became pregnant. I've also been cutting him a lot of slack in terms of contributing to day to day stuff, which is fine for now but not workable longer term when the baby arrives and my own mammalian responsibilities ramp up.<br>
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c) Not burdening SO with my own fears and issues with how this newly urgent family situation is cutting into our last months together pre-baby, or how totally alone and freaked out I feel right now. This is particularly sensitive because of past dynamics between myself and his family and my general fear that his family's needs (many valid needs now, but the broader pattern, in my opinion, is of insane demands which must be answered without delay or discussion) will take priority over what the new baby and I will need in the coming early days.<br>
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d) Not putting up a fight about things that I probably would have otherwise, such as SO spending valentines day with his parents instead of with me (not a huge holiday person, but again, just wanting quality time together before the baby arrives) and agreeing that the baby will have SO's last name, which has become quite important to him as his father has become more ill.<br>
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I think C is where I'm really struggling. At 32 weeks pregnant, intense hormones, physical discomfort, my own grief about my stepmom and natural anxieties about being ready to have this baby arrive are sapping me of whatever emotional resilience I might otherwise have. I don't feel like I'm really all there for him, for the baby or for myself. I feel really alone and fearful that what's ahead of me is about 100x the demands on my ability to nurture, and put the baby first, and perhaps not the kind of help and support from my partner that I was counting on when I got pregnant...which makes me feel selfish and unprepared to be a parent.<br>
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So, formerly pregnant mefites, is this a biological imperative of being pregnant? It feels like I'm hard wired right now to be self-centered and focused on this baby, ergo myself, but I'm not fully able to do it because I know that my partner needs me to be the stable/caregiving one right now. How can I better support my partner? Is it fair to share my anxieties and fears about this stuff with him at this time? And parents all, how did you parent a newborn while grieving and or caring for someone else?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.291769Fri, 05 Feb 2016 15:25:51 -0800LisitasanZika outbreak in Caribbean. 4 weeks pregnant. To go or not to go?http://ask.metafilter.com/290986/Zika%2Doutbreak%2Din%2DCaribbean%2D4%2Dweeks%2Dpregnant%2DTo%2Dgo%2Dor%2Dnot%2Dto%2Dgo
We just found out my wife is pregnant (yay!). Our honeymoon is scheduled for 1/31 (cruise out of NYC - 2 weeks). The only two locations on the CDC list on our itinerary are San Juan and Martinique. We could stay on the ship at those ports. You are not a doctor, or if you are, you're not our doctor. We are consulting our own doctor. <br>
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Would YOU go?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.290986Sun, 17 Jan 2016 13:35:37 -0800eggmanSingle, in my mid-30s, and (accidentally) pregnant.http://ask.metafilter.com/290729/Single%2Din%2Dmy%2Dmid%2D30s%2Dand%2Daccidentally%2Dpregnant
I'm weighing my options and not sure what to do. I really don't want to be a single parent, but I also don't want to find myself in my late-30s, unable to get pregnant, and regretting not having a baby when I had the chance. I just found out that I am (early stage) pregnant. The sperm donor is a good friend and a good guy, but absolutely not boyfriend/husband/father material. This was unintended and while my friend would (I assume) provide whatever financial support I need (he is quite well-off), I know that he has no intentions towards fatherhood just yet. (He does want kids "some day".)<br>
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I was recently in a long-term relationship and had started to very much want to get pregnant and start a family with him, and I thought he was on the same page but he broke up with me unexpectedly. It was totally devastating. Since then I have been very worried about ever finding a partner, and my chances of being able to get pregnant in my late 30s. I'm not "baby crazy" but I really want a family with a partner, some day, and I realize that my window is not going to be open for much longer.<br>
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I'm afraid that if I terminate the pregnancy and then one day do meet someone and decide to try to have a baby with him, I will be too old and unable to get pregnant and will regret not having a baby when I had the chance. (Adoption is probably not feasible for certain specific reasons.)<br>
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However, I really don't want to be a single parent, and being pregnant/having a baby would make meeting a partner a whole lot harder. I also have some big career goals and plans for this year that would probably be derailed by a pregnancy/having a baby. (I would have a lot of family support though.)<br>
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Part of me is excited about the idea of being pregnant and having a baby, but part of me feels like to do so would be to jump the gun and give up on my future out of fear.<br>
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Please help if you have some perspective to offer, or information about how worried I should actually be about getting pregnant in my late 30s. I keep reading conflicting information, and can't decide if I should believe the "all hope is lost, freeze your eggs now!" advice or the "don't even worry about it, tons of people get pregnant in their 40s" spin.<br>
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Throwaway email: BabyDecisions@gmail.comtag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.290729Mon, 11 Jan 2016 23:32:52 -0800AnonymousA man, a woman, a fetus, a plan ... http://ask.metafilter.com/290700/A%2Dman%2Da%2Dwoman%2Da%2Dfetus%2Da%2Dplan
I'm thinking of taking a trip to Panama in early March when I'll be 25 weeks. Pros, cons, questions and more below the fold! In early March, I'll be 25 weeks pregnant and craving the beach. I was interested in Hawaii but as an east coaster, I think the flight will be long and expensive. I've long been interested in going to Cancun, Tulum and Chichinitza but I feel concerned about being very pregnant and in Mexico if anything medical comes up. I also tentatively ruled out places that have current State Department warnings. My husband is also interested in Jamaica but I'm wary of getting sick there. <br>
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I started looking for places in the Caribbean and Central America with good doctors and Puerto Rico, Costa Rica and Panama came up. I've been to Costa Rica, though I certainly wouldn't mind going back. I looked at Puerto Rico but it seemed a little expensive. Plus I'm interested in an all-inclusive which seems rare in Puerto Rico. <br>
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Which leads me to consider Panama. I know very little about Panama (canal! Van Halen song!) but I'm encouraged by the little research I've done. <br>
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Pros: beach, good doctors, reasonably priced, potential to spend time in an urban environment but also sit in the sun and have an adventure. A pro and a con is that I don't think I know anyone who has gone there. <br>
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Cons: I saw something about yellow fever and I'm unvaccinated. I don't know how concerned I should be about Zika virus. It could be too hot. General concerns about traveling anywhere where I haven't been before at 25 weeks into my first pregnancy where English is not the primary language. I have some Spanish and can brush up on it but my husband knows less than I do. <br>
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If we went, I'm thinking of going for a week and spending some time in Panama City, then going to a beach for a few days. We'll check with our health insurance to see what the deal is and buy all manner of travel insurance we can. My pregnancy has gone relatively smoothly so far but I'll obviously talk to my doctor. It looks like water in Panama is okay but I can stick to bottles if need be. I'll wear sunscreen and bug spray. If I become convinced this is a terrible idea, I'll try to make Puerto Rico happen more affordably or maybe Miami. <br>
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Has anyone been to Panama? Would you recommend? Is a week too much time? Is a week too much time to be away from home at 25 weeks? Are there any destinations I should be considering more seriously? Thanks in advance!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.290700Mon, 11 Jan 2016 09:28:23 -0800kat518Gotta eat but nothing sounds goodhttp://ask.metafilter.com/290322/Gotta%2Deat%2Dbut%2Dnothing%2Dsounds%2Dgood
I'm 16 weeks pregnant and my doctor was concerned at my appointment a few days ago because I've only gained 1.5 lbs. I haven't had much morning sickness or nausea but food just doesn't appeal to me. What am I doing wrong? Sometimes I feel REALLY HUNGRY but it's more like, you need to eat something NOW, not like PIZZA NOW or ICE CREAM NOW. When I try to think of actual specifics, I can't think of anything that sounds appetizing. I will usually eat crackers, apple sauce, or cereal because I need to eat and I feel confident that those things will not make me sick. I used to have a sweet tooth but those things don't really appeal to me right now. <br>
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My husband said he's noticed that I eat less at meals in general than I used to. It's not intentional - I think I frequently feel gassy and full so I don't eat much. In general, I try to listen to my body whether it's craving sleep or tomatoes or whatever and part of that includes stopping eating when I'm full. <br>
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I've also been a lot less active lately and I think I eat more when I'm more active but I've been dealing with a lot of fatigue lately. That said, I have depression too and not having interest in food or activity plus wanting to sleep all the time are depression symptoms, I recognize. <br>
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I think I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that, while this is very much a wanted pregnancy, I'm not excited about the prospect of weight gain. I realize it comes with the territory and right now, job one is put myself in the best position possible to have a healthy baby. At the same time, given the choice, I'd rather have a healthy baby and gain 25 lbs during my pregnancy than have a healthy baby and gain 35 lbs. My BMI has always teetered around 25 so I'm definitely hoping that my weight gain is on the lower side of the healthy range. But I don't think that's been an issue here - I haven't been very active and food just doesn't interest me much. I'm not turning down food when I'm hungry. And I'm not sticking to salads when I am hungry. <br>
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Part of me just thinks I should be patient and the weight gain will come before I know it. I can try to treat my gassiness, heart burn, and acid reflux. My OB says she thinks I should gain 5 lbs by 20 weeks. And I realize that this might sound like a good problem to have but like I said, I want to put myself in the best position possible to have a healthy baby. But how do I do that? Should I be doing something differently?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2016:site.290322Fri, 01 Jan 2016 19:07:53 -0800kat518Pregnant! Should we step back from buying this house we've dreamed of?http://ask.metafilter.com/288515/Pregnant%2DShould%2Dwe%2Dstep%2Dback%2Dfrom%2Dbuying%2Dthis%2Dhouse%2Dweve%2Ddreamed%2Dof
We were getting close to making an offer on a home — but the house was a lifestyle upgrade, not a necessity. This month we found out a kid is on the way (whoo!), and we're trying to decide if the house is still doable, or if we should save our pennies for the little person-to-be? I feel like this situation is pretty unique, which is why we're asking for your advice!<br>
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We are NYC dwellers. For about a year now, we've been looking for a nice little cheap country escape — a place where we could breathe fresh air, let the dog run around, and make a second little home. We are super lucky to have a great deal on a 2-bedroom apartment (we're one of the lucky ones and totally grateful, we stuck it out for 10+ years in a shitty neighborhood that's now turning nicer) and while we'd NEVER be able to afford a place in the city, we have been dreaming of some upstate places we absolutely could afford.<br>
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We have flexible enough jobs where we could spend much more than *just* weekends at the second house, and possibly even move there full time if we really had to.<br>
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MONEY SITCH<br>
— We live in New York City with very cheap, stable rent. <br>
— Current housing costs are 10% of Gross Income.<br>
— With the second house, our total housing costs would be closer to 22% of Gross Income.<br>
— We have about 40K in savings, most of which would go to the downpayment.<br>
— We have about 180K in retirement savings, which we're not planning on touching.<br>
— We're both in our mid 30s.<br>
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BABY SITCH<br>
— Mama-to-be is the primary breadwinner by a factor of about 5x, she will need to keep working after maternity leave to support the family (and she works her ass off). Mama is nervous that the baby might really slow her down, and of course would love to have a big financial buffer in the bank (but is also sick of the city and really emotionally craving more space and fresh air).<br>
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— Papa-to-be is a freelancer, with a growing career, but who is on the fence about how much childcare he feels like he would want to take on vs. careerbuilding. The question of nanny/daycare costs depends on him somewhat. <br>
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— Baby was a happy surprise, arriving midsummer!<br>
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OTHER DETAILS<br>
— As a backup, we could easily AirBNB this second home out. The one we have our eye on has tremendous curb appeal and we figure we'd break even on the second home costs with about 6 days/month of rentals. Of course, AirBNB takes work — and will we just be too overwhelmed with the baby to handle this?<br>
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—If we didn't buy the second house, we'd likely have to do some big renovations to our apartment to reconfigure some of our work-from-home equipment + child. With a second place, we can move a lot of our stuff upstate and worry less about clever remodeling "smart solutions for apartments."<br>
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— We have our eye on interest rates, and know the Fed is likely going to raise them very soon. Should we hustle to move NOW on the house to try to avert a big interest rate hit (potentially up to a $40K cost in our best estimates) <br>
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QUESTIONS<br>
As first time homebuyers and first time parents-to-be, we're nervous!<br>
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— Are we crazy to think of this extra expense right now, since we don't <em>need</em> a second house, but just want one? Should put those dreams on hold and sock away the extra money for baby? Medical costs, childcare, diapers, college?<br>
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— If we do the house, should we move extra fast, to get a good interest rate and get our life situation all squared away before baby's summer arrival? Is there a chance if we don't do it now, we'll be so consumed by baby that we'll never get to it, and lose that dream?<br>
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— Would it be nice to have a relaxing, outdoor space and more room for the three of us somewhere outside of our cramped, loud, NYC apartment? Is that worth some extra short term stress?<br>
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Thank you for all your advice!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.288515Sun, 15 Nov 2015 22:28:19 -0800AnonymousHope for the anxiety-prone?http://ask.metafilter.com/287467/Hope%2Dfor%2Dthe%2Danxiety%2Dprone
Husband and I expect to get news a week from Friday (possibly sooner but a week from Friday at the latest) that may either be very exciting and happy or sad. Meanwhile, I am destroying my insides with anxiety. Help me not do that. I'm sorry - I was really trying to keep this quiet for a little longer but, well, <a href="http://ask.metafilter.com/286895/What-to-Expect-When-Your-Best-Friends-Wife-is-Expecting">my husband is my best friend</a>. My last menstrual period was six weeks ago but I've been having scary symptoms. About a week ago, I started spotting so I called my doctor. The receptionist said not to worry about it and that it was probably implantation bleeding. This weekend, I took it easy and had sex with husband while spotting continued.<br>
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On Sunday, I started not feeling well. Monday, I felt nauseous and had an upset stomach. I rode a bike to work and saw blood - not dark brown spotting like previous but bright red blood. I called my doctor and they moved my test to confirm pregnancy to Tuesday. I took it easy for the rest of the day Monday. <br>
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At the doctor's office Tuesday, they confirmed my pregnancy and drew blood - I'm supposed to go back tomorrow for another blood draw so they can see if my HCG levels are increasing or not. The doctor said, call us if you have cramping or bleeding. I said, I'm having cramping and bleeding (though only that one time on Monday) and he was like, well, call if anything changes. I kept spotting Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday and today have been significantly lighter. <br>
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I felt a little better physically Wednesday and today, which makes me feel worse emotionally because it makes me think that the pregnancy is over. I feel like my boobs were bigger before. I worry that I don't feel bloated anymore, though I haven't been eating much since I still have a little bit of an upset stomach. I still have some boobs and I never really had lower back pain which it seems like is common with miscarriage which make me feel like maybe it's not over but I'm worried that I'm grasping at straws.<br>
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I'm going back to the doctor's office tomorrow to draw more blood and am scheduled to have an ultrasound a week from tomorrow. I'm so nervous. Part of me is ready to accept that this one didn't work out but part of me feels like I'm giving up.<br>
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Is it possible that riding a bike caused the bleeding I experienced Monday? Should I give it a rest with the home pregnancy tests? I feel reassured seeing the two lines but I know that doesn't mean that I'm still pregnant. <br>
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How do I prepare for the ultrasound? I'm so scared. Husband has been wonderful and pragmatic. I'm just so sad thinking this could be it. I know whatever happens happens and we'll be okay and lots of pregnancies end in miscarriage and lots of people who have miscarriages end up having health pregnancies afterwards. But I still really want this to work out. I was so happy about the idea of being pregnant and being able to tell people around Christmas. Plus I don't know when we'll get to try again if this doesn't work out - not until November at the earliest. <br>
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I know YANAD and I know this might sound grim but I kind of need to think happy thoughts right now so if anyone can offer any words of wisdom or advice or anecdotes about your friend who had the same thing happen to her and she and her baby lived to tell the tale, I'd really appreciate it. I haven't talked to anyone about this besides the internet and my doctor. I was so happy to hear the nurses say "congratulations!" the other day and I'm so worried that the next time I go in won't be as exciting. Thanks.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.287467Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:49:50 -0800kat518What To Expect When You're Totally Neurotichttp://ask.metafilter.com/283173/What%2DTo%2DExpect%2DWhen%2DYoure%2DTotally%2DNeurotic
I'm in my first trimester of pregnancy (Week 7) and making myself miserable worrying about all the ways I might be injuring the baby. How can I return to a more balanced state of mind about this? I'm worrying about things like, the fish oil in my old omega-3 pill fish oil came partially from tuna; what were its mercury levels? I have cats but didn't get tested for toxoplasmosis; might I have a recent infection? Do our eco-shampoos really omit all problematic chemicals? Should I be eating only organic foods? What if our municipal water isn't filtered enough? Could I have gotten listeria from those frozen berries I didn't wash? What about the fact that I walked past a road construction project for a block and breathed in some bad-smelling fumes when I couldn't hold my breath any longer? Did the hot chocolate that made me completely wired have more than 200 mg of caffeine? Should I really be eating any salmon at all? Our basement is under construction: how bad is my infrequent exposure to wood dust or the off-gassing from new cabinets? I'm trying to develop an exercise swim routine; is all that chlorine (breathed, swallowed accidentally) bad for the baby? (Oh look, yes, <a href="http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20020408/pool-water-risky-during-pregnancy">it actually might be</a>. Guess I won't go swimming today.)<br>
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Worst was that I drank some alcohol in weeks 3-4 before realizing I was pregnant. That was its own special 10-day shame spiral. I gave serious thought to terminating the pregnancy solely for that reason, but three doctors, including a "high risk specialist," very strongly emphasized that this was not what the medical profession would advise and that it was sufficient to simply not drink any more.<br>
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I follow all the rules I've been able to learn, but I feel like I'm always learning something new when it might be too late. Example: yesterday I had heartburn but needed to eat something with my vitamins, so I got a brilliant idea, organic frozen strawberries! But halfway through the bowl, I realized I don't know if frozen strawberries are safe. I'd just assumed because I hadn't heard otherwise. It turns out, in January, there was a recall of frozen berries for listeria -- one of the main germs that all these rules are designed to keep you away from! (It was for another brand, but still!) I felt awful, and I was really bummed to have to stop eating them. Or, last night, I decided I'd address my fear with education, so I read a bunch of webpages about the causes of this or that birth defect. Instead of feeling like "okay, I finally know what I need to do," instead, I found other major sources of worry that I can't really control, like air pollution from auto exhaust and our proximity to a major roadway, and like "don't take too much Vitamin A," which makes me worry about that day I probably took two prenatal vitamins. <br>
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All this worry has me wanting to lock myself in a hermetic vault at least until the baby's major organs are formed! That's a really unhealthy kind of paralysis, which can't be helping my mental health. I'm especially terrified, but also relieved, that the most critical stage of development seems to be weeks 5-10, which I'm right in the middle of. What if it takes me another month to finish educating myself, and by then it's too late? On the other hand, maybe in week 11, I can relax a bit and eat something non-organic or whatever.<br>
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Did you go through this? Have you overcome something similar? Are there any comforting thoughts or facts you could share? How does anyone live with waiting 8 months, or 8 months + 5 years, to find out if she's done permanent damage to her unborn child?<br>
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I am in therapy. It helps. I'm just wondering if you guys have other ideas. Thanks a bunch for anything you can share that might help.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.283173Mon, 20 Jul 2015 08:32:36 -0800AnonymousPregnancy and manual laborhttp://ask.metafilter.com/281793/Pregnancy%2Dand%2Dmanual%2Dlabor
I'm six weeks pregnant and I do manual labor outside. I'd like advice on how to do this well. I live in a place that has hot humid summers. I regularly lift more than 60lbs. I do lots of bending over, walking up and down stairs, moving things around. I'm also known for being an idiot and doing more than I should and hurting myself so I'd love it if there were some good guidelines for this sort of thing so I won't end up being an idiot and hurting myself or the kiddo-to-be. <br>
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I work in a male-dominated workplace where my immediate boss is good to work with but the rest of the employees are going to either be jerks or super-paternalistic. I'd love advice on dealing with this as well.<br>
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So far the morning sickness thing is just light nausea and wooziness in the mornings.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.281793Fri, 19 Jun 2015 22:56:24 -0800AnonymousMother's Day and Father's Day for parents-to-be? http://ask.metafilter.com/279631/Mothers%2DDay%2Dand%2DFathers%2DDay%2Dfor%2Dparents%2Dto%2Dbe
Is it normal to celebrate these holidays before you have a baby? Partner and I are expecting. We're excited but this was a surprise. Baby is due in July.
Would it be normal or customary to celebrate a partner on Mother's Day or Father's Day in these circumstances? We won't really be a mother or father until next year. Am I likely to disappoint my partner if I don't get a gift or card or something this year? What have you done or seen done?
I could ask them, but this seems like one of those things that would lose its luster if I have to ask. I'd rather just get it right.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.279631Sun, 03 May 2015 22:05:21 -0800Anonymousdoctors and midwives and doulas - oh my!http://ask.metafilter.com/278160/doctors%2Dand%2Dmidwives%2Dand%2Ddoulas%2Doh%2Dmy
I'm pregnant - do I really need a midwife or doula? 5 weeks pregnant, yay! Hadn't been wanting to get too invested in it in case it took longer than I hoped, so I hadn't done a ton of investigating into every little detail, like prenatal care... still processing.<br>
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Speaking of which, my family doctor told me she's closing her practice in July (boo!). Major disappointment. She says she's trying to find a female doctor to take on her patients but who knows if that will work out. I've applied to get another family doctor already. There are other avenues to get prenatal care in my city if my GP situation falls through, too. I'm seeing her next week for my first prenatal checkup and to get the low-down on the situation there.<br>
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My work-friend has been lauding the awesomeness of midwives, and she told me to apply for a midwife right away, so I did last week (4 wks!). Heard back from two groups, which told me I'm on their wait list. One mentions if I haven't heard back from them by week 20 (!?!?) then I ain't gettin' a midwife. Looking into it, midwives are so in-demand here that there is a very strong probability I won't get one. I've also applied for a doula this week though I'm less interested in that (I would feel more reassured with the medical training of a midwife), but again the demand is high enough to not get my hopes up. <br>
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Really, I'm feeling pretty chill about the whole pregnancy thing (for now anyway). Read <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/0143125702">Expecting Better</a>, I have some apps on my phone, I know they offer prenatal yoga classes at my local studio, and I'm taking care of myself. And things may work out with the midwife or a doula. <br>
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Thing is, I've applied because I have to do it NOW - yet I don't know if midwife or a doula is really for me, I don't know what the experience is actually like. I'm not sure where my needs lie on the spectrum of medical expert vs. mother-like caregiver. Maybe I'd prefer just a doctor after all.<br>
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Are midwives and doulas the be-all, end-all of pregnancy? Is having continuous care from your family doctor so very essential? Be honest, especially you people with multiple children who have experienced variety in your prenatal care. Thanks!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.278160Wed, 01 Apr 2015 19:44:32 -0800lizbunnyLooking for poems about birth.http://ask.metafilter.com/277771/Looking%2Dfor%2Dpoems%2Dabout%2Dbirth
After many years of ambivalence, two years of infertility, some surgeries, some IVF, and 9 months of actual pregnancy, I am about to have a BABY. Due to placenta previa, it will be a scheduled c-section, which is great because most likely me and baby will end up alive! But sad because I'd hoped for a natural childbirth to balance out the scientific conception. My hospital does "gentle" c-sections, so I'm allowed to do immediate skin-to-skin, play music in the operating room, and even "read a poem or a story." That was my midwife's suggestion, and I'll admit I found it hokey. But as the date nears, I'm thinking, eh...maybe that would be awesome? SO I TURN TO YOU. Give me your favorite poems about motherhood/fatherhood/babyhood/bloodbaths/etc.tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.277771Tue, 24 Mar 2015 13:25:38 -0800apostrophehow is babby gift formed?http://ask.metafilter.com/275393/how%2Dis%2Dbabby%2Dgift%2Dformed
I want to give some dear friends the MOST AMAZING omg-you're-pregnant present. But I don't look at baby stuff and so I have no idea where to even start. Requirements: super cute, expressive of how happy I am for them. This is the first baby in my close circle so I have no go-to gifts. It's a long-awaited, much hoped-for baby. Mostly I want to fete the mom but a couple gift or something with components for both would work, too. They also have a tiny dog who I would love to include if I can!<br>
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They're a smart, arty couple, both in creative fields. She's classic/cute but down-to-earth; he's a shaggy artist type. They're at three months. Are considering buying a house in the next year, too. <br>
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She's been super tired and having a hard time with cooking/eating/chores, so I'll definitely send them some housecleaning and meal delivery at some point, but right now I want to give them something tangible. No knitting/crochet ideas, please—that base is so ridiculously covered.<br>
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Is there like a site I should go and look at? Or A Thing that all newly pregnant ladies covet? Or just—what in early pregnancy would have made you feel like a warm cozy family unit beloved by your friends? <br>
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Thanks AskMe!!tag:ask.metafilter.com,2015:site.275393Tue, 03 Feb 2015 09:49:00 -0800peachfuzzNew "dream" job is anything but. Now I'm pregnant. What do I do?http://ask.metafilter.com/272123/New%2Ddream%2Djob%2Dis%2Danything%2Dbut%2DNow%2DIm%2Dpregnant%2DWhat%2Ddo%2DI%2Ddo
My new job is not the dream job I thought it would be. It's been 2 months and I'm miserable with the workload and how I'm being treated. Am I being unrealistic? Do I tough it out or look for a new job and claim bad fit? Complications: suddenly pregnant. I recently left a position I'd had for more than a decade when I realized I was stagnating. I am PMP certified and I took a new project manager position in a completely different industry about two months ago. I was super excited about the new job because I felt like it was an opportunity to step in and help this floundering department right itself. But the job's not at all what I thought it would be, or what I was told it would be. <br>
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Basically, they hired a PMP to do administrative assistant work and essentially supervise every person in the department. On my plate right now? Writing a new hire announcement for a new team member. Tracking down the holiday celebration budget. Scheduling interviews with prospective PhDs. Scheduling meetings with management that I'm not allowed to attend. And the best part, being everyone's unofficial supervisor. <br>
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Management expects me to be able to tell them what every single member of the 20-person team (spread out across 4 locations in 3 time zones) is doing at any given moment. Upper management has open contempt for the employees and do not trust them to get their work done, and the direct supervisors have been absolved of any responsibility to know what their people are doing too. It's all on me to make sure all of these people are doing their jobs. I've already been in trouble for someone else not doing their work.<br>
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To add to the misery, I'm never given enough time to do anything. They always want everything immediately, even work that takes time to put together. Then I'm interrupted all day, constantly, by emails asking "will you have that done by tomorrow?" and IMs saying "you know that's due tomorrow, right? will you have that done?" Instructions are always vague, but when I ask for guidance I'm told "it shouldn't be that hard" and "use your PM knowledge." When I push back, I'm ignored or told to do it anyway. <br>
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So, instead of what seemed to be a dream job where I'd get to come in and revamp processes and help people cope with all of the change that's been going on, I'm a glorified secretary and whipping girl who they have already decided needs constant monitoring or else I won't get anything done.<br>
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I'm hesitant to push back too hard, because I don't want to look like a complainer or a troublesome employee after only 2 months. But this is not the job I want and it's not the job I thought I had accepted. There's a difference between "PM who can do a little of everything" and "supervise all these people in their day to day work, and also be the boss's assistant." And a part of me can't help but feel like they would not be asking a male PM to do half of the things they ask of me. <br>
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And then I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I had just started trying and didn't expect me to conceive the first week of my new job. He's not working right now due to health issues, so I'm already the sole earner. I have no FLMA protection since I won't have been here long enough. <br>
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So, I ca't tell if the job sucks as bad as I think. I don't know if it will get better or not. I don't know if I was deluding myself about what it takes to be a PM and maybe I just shouldn't have a job like this. I'm disheartened at what feels like a failed attempt to assert control over my career. I know I'm full of pregnancy hormones and I'm already exhausted, and most days I cry about how miserable I am and how I've already lost the bosses' respect in my abilities. <br>
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TL;DR: What would you do if you were miserable at your new "dream job"? How do I stick it out at my terrible new job that makes me cry? Do I look for a new job even though I am pregnant?tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.272123Wed, 26 Nov 2014 10:39:35 -0800fanta_orangeMy wife is pregnant and feels like crap. http://ask.metafilter.com/264780/My%2Dwife%2Dis%2Dpregnant%2Dand%2Dfeels%2Dlike%2Dcrap
My wife is six weeks pregnant and feels terrible. She is experiencing nausea, lack of appetite, reduced energy and general queasiness almost all the time. She has about an hour each day when she feels normal. Smells are particularly upsetting for her. We understand that these are common experiences for women in their first trimester, but that’s not making it any easier for her to tolerate. We’ve read that many of these symptoms go away in the second trimester, but that’s about 6 weeks away and my wife is wondering how she’s going to survive (and go to work) until then. She’s miserable. We’ve seen the tips that are recommended online and in pregnancy books but my wife says they’re either unappealing or not effective.<br>
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How do people get through this? Any tips? At what point should she get help from her doctor? (Her OBGYN is saying she doesn’t need to see her until she is eight or nine weeks pregnant.)tag:ask.metafilter.com,2014:site.264780Mon, 07 Jul 2014 18:25:44 -0800Anonymous