I am excited for the four-day weekend the holiday brings, and part of me is really looking forward to the food. But here is the kicker; I am stressing about hosting the holiday at my house. Granted there will only be 6 of us, I am worried that our dog will act up and make things a little uncomfortable. He is generally good when we have people over, but he still has issues with having to get on people. And playing board games is almost impossible with him around. We have a crate but if we put him in there during the party all he'll do is whine and bark because he wants to hang out. Because 3 of the six people will be strangers to him I am worried about that. He tends to be overexcited about meeting new people so he jumps and acts up more. I really need to train him to not do certain things like that.

So I am going through some stressful feelings right now. But I know as the party progresses it will be okay as it always is.

Another thing I am stressing about is all the food! I am trying to lose weight but it is hard to do when there is so much around. I keep telling myself to let go for this week, but I feel guilty as hell. I haven't done not even one situp since last Thursday! *ugh*

I am happy that I at least have Friday thru Sunday to relax and enjoy the long weekend.

This weekend was nice! I spent lots of money and dh cringed a little along the way. But I haven't spoiled myself rotten in a little while so I don't regret it at all.

I got my eyebrows waxed so now they look nice and cleaned up, I bought new boots from Famous Footware (they are called Kailyn from Sporto) nice. Here is the link to see them for yourself: MyBoots

I also bought a nice outfit for the company Christmas party and for any partying we do on New Years. Yes, the same outfit for both occasions. I like to spoil myself, but I am not made of money.

Sometime soon I plan to get some nails for the first time in my life. I am wanting the French tips so that I can wear them in any setting. (casual or dressy occasions)

Also, sometime in December I need to take my old braids out and get new ones put in. I should start planning now because it takes one weekend to take the braids out and another weekend (5 hours) to get the new ones put in. I could possibly take the old ones out on the 4th and get the new ones on the 11th , but we'll see.

For this week, I need to focus on my workouts. I have been slacking the last couple of weeks only doing a few minutes of exercise twice a week and no abs. And I've been eating like it is my last day on earth. So I need to hunker down and focus or this weight is never coming off.

I finally found the negative side with working in the same office as your spouse. My dh and I have worked together off and on (mostly on) for the past 9 years. During that time I have never noticed anything bad about us working together, until recently.

It seems that to our co-workers, our quality of work and our abilities should be exactly the same since we are a married couple. They forget that I am not the same person as him. We are not twins.

But there is one job duty that he does well and I do just the bare minimum. He goes a little bit above and beyond in this area where I just do what is expected of me and no more. Well a couple of people who are directly effected by this job duty have "hinted" me about how well he does his job and that his being so good makes their jobs soooooo much easier. How am I supposed to take that to mean?

So I say they can kiss my ass. I am not going to go "above and beyond" just because my husband does. I do what is expected of me and that is that.

None of this is his fault but I did tell him that when he raises the bar at work, I am expected to follow along since we are a couple. What he does with this info is his business.

I can honestly say I was really feeling bad that we won't be working together anymore when we move to New Jersey because he has a "manly" outdoor job and I refuse to do something like that. But for the first time I am actually looking forward to not working with him just to save my self-esteem and sanity.

Last year I was always in need of straws at work, but I never had any. I would buy milk in the morning from the vending machine, then I might buy orange juice later in the day. I prefer to drink juice and milk from a straw unless I have a cup. But for months it never failed, I would buy milk and come back to my cube and not have a straw. A very good friend of mine used to have a stash of straws at her desk so I would always get one from her. She no longer works here so I was stranded in the way of straws.

Until one day about 9 months ago I finally decided to end this crazy situation and I bought a huge bag of straws for my cube at work. (250 straws to be exact)

Well, out of 250 straws, I have used maybe 5 the last nine months. Huh??

It seems I don't buy milk and juice as often as I used to. Mainly because I am sick of getting charged an arm and a leg for things from vending machines and partly because I am trying to not keep money here at work since that usually means I snack all day when I have vending machine money around. Instead, I've been trying to drink 64 ounces of ice cold water every day at work. That doesn't require a straw since I drink the water out of a 64 ounce monster mug with a hard plastic straw attached.

Today was unusal. I had some change so I broke down and bought Twinkies from the vending machine, got thirsty, saw that the Culligan man has not shown up to replenish our water supply, so I took the remainder of my change and bought a Tropicana Strawberry Melon juice drink for way too much money. I get back to my desk, realize I need a straw and voila! I find my stash of straws tucked away in my bottom drawer.

That leads me to this conclusion:

I either need to start bringing juice to work so that I can use the straws or I need to take the straws home where I do use them every now and then for milk, eggnog, soda, ect. OR I could make a piece of modern art with them called "Killer Straws". Maybe a figure of a crazed looking Jack the Ripper or something. Get it? Killer Straws... How cute... I won't quit my day job.

I loved the first book of the Bridget Jones' Diary hits. I even loved the first movie, but I have yet to read the second book which this newest movie is based on.

Having watched several previews for this new moving staring Renee Zellweger (who is reprising her role from the first movie), I am in constant internal conflict as to whether or not I will be watching it. The reason is simple but unique:

It really frustrates me that Renee can gain all this weight for a movie just to take it all back off again as if it were an old coat. While I am here spending years and years trying to lose weight and look sexy. My personal reasons for failure at this task has nothing to do with her. I just have issues with willpower as does most over weight people.

But it really makes me mad that someone like Renee can step into the role of a chronically overweight, single woman and just as easy she can shed the fat and go back to a glamourous, beautiful, thin movie star. Renee is a GREAT actress but I think the role in the first and this second movie would have meant more some of us if it was played by an actual overweight actress. I know it is only a ficitional character and the idea of casting is not to find someone who is like this character in real life, rather the idea is to find an actress that can play this character. But for some reason I just hate seeing Renee overwieght because I know it is not really her struggle. Many arguments can come out of my point of view both for and against it, but this is only my opinion.

I don't think I can stomach watching this movie with the knowledge that Renee only put on weight for this role and in a few months will be as thin and beautiful as ever as I continue to struggle with my real life weight loss. I know many actors and actresses have gained or lost weight depending on the role, but for some reason this particular movie is really bothering me.

Caterpillar to ButterflyAs a young child my mom used to have me dress in frilly dresses, colorful tights, and cute pig tails. By the time I was old enough to dress myself I resisted frilly dresses but my mom still insisted I wear them. I was also made to wear my hair with bangs even though I hated them. Around Jr high I was old enough to make my own clothing decisions so I started wearing more and more pants, tee shirts, and no longer in braids even though I still wore bangs.

In highschool I did a total make-under and I started hanging around kids who listened to heavy metal so I too started listening to metal. I also wore black pants, black metal band shirts, and my hair was curled, teased, and over done with hair spray. This was the early 90's. This phaze lasted until 1994.

From 1994 until about 2002 I wore blue jeans, cute tee-shirts with sayings such as "babygirl" or "cutie" on them and make-up. I always bought tees that were too small in order to have that Pamela Anderson effect. Since I was at a decent weight, I pulled off the look very well. But the last two years I have gained lots of weight so for the past two years I have lived with blue jeans, oversized t-shirts (I even wear my husband's shirts), tennis shoes, and no make-up unless I go out for a night on the town.

This brings me to my present metamorphesis. I am ready to face the fact that I love the compliments I get when I wear make up, I love the way other gals look when they have their french manicures, sylish clothes, and awesome smelling perfume. I want to be those girls. So now I am working out, taking better care of my skin, buying shirts that fit nicely on me and ones that won't get mistaken for a man's t-shirt, and I even bought a bigger, more adult purse. For the past couple of years I have had a small denim purse made for teens. It was time for me to grow up. I am 27 years old afterall.

My plan this year is to not only change my complete wardrobe from shoes to shirts, but I also plan to invest in some "expensive" perfume (I say that because I am the queen of those $2 body sprays from Wal-Mart) like Victoria Secret's Divine. I plan to get my brows waxed more often than twice a year, and I also plan to start getting my nails done. I have plenty of makeup since I hardly ever use it, but I do want to start wearing it more often than just on the occasional weekend. As much as I hate my job at times, I think my attitude will change if I came in feeling better about my self.

I am not turning into another person, I am just doing some physical and emotional makeovers that are overdo in my opinion. This isn't anything sudden because I have slowly been doing these things over the past year, but I only realized it recently. And since realizing it, the snowball effect has started and I can't tell you how happy I am that by this time next year I hope to be fully transformed!

The holiday season is fast approaching. That means it is the time for gift planning and shopping. That also means that internet shopping will take a steep incline all over the world. I don't mind shopping online because it is usually quick, easy, and more convienant. But I always shop at established companies like Wal-mart or Land's End for example. I try to stay away from eBay and other places where I would be buying from unknown people and companies. Though I have been known to buy and sell on eBay in the past.

I decided to add my two-cents about shopping online for anyone who hasn't done it yet but is considering it:

- Research, research, research for the best prices and more importantly for the safest company. That is to say, I wouldn't suggest buying from a company that you have never heard of and who isn't listed in the BBB's website. Stick to major corporations like K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Dillard's, ect. If you can help it.

- If you are buying electronics (cell phones, dvd players, mp3 players, computers, ect) I would suggest you get familiar with the different brands, models, ect so that you can make the best decision possible. Then of course once you find the brand, model, ect, you can start looking for the best deal. I suggest going to www.epinions.com for the perfect place to start researching based on consumer opinions. I never buy anything electronic without going to that site first.

This list is called: Things I Would Never Buy Online No Matter What!

- A car (I like to test drive a car before I buy it and you can't do that if the car is 10 states away)

- A house (see reason above)

- Perfume or other scented things such as candles (unless I know what the scent smells like, I won't buy anything I haven't smelled before)

Just use your common sense when buying something online sight/smell/touch/taste not done.

That concludes my two-cents about shopping online. If I come up with some more nuggets of info, I won't hesitate to add more later.
Happy Shopping!!

I used to hate lists because it seemed everytime I wrote out a list things on it would never get done. For a while I thought that maybe writing down my goals would just serve to sabatoge them so I never wrote down my goals. Then one day I started writing lists and viola! The items on the list were getting done. So I decided the list-curse had been broken. Then more recently my lists have been 50/50. Some of them get done while others go unfulfilled. Is the list-curse coming back? We'll see!

So I won a Sony DVD Recorder RDR-GX7 worth between $350-700 depending on where you buy it. I won it after doing a research survey for Nielsen Ratings via email. I was invited to be a panelist for tv show viewing a couple of years ago for Nielsen. Every so often I complete a survey via email about which tv shows I am currently watching. At the end of each survey they ask if I would like to be entered in a drawing. I always say yes, because it won't hurt. Well one of my survey entries paid off!

In the mail today compliments of CBS and Nielsen I recieved my Sony DVD Recorder! That means that I can throw out my VCR and my DVD player because this baby doesn't only PLAY DVDs, it can record my tv shows on DVD now!!! YAY!!!! I spent most of the night setting it up. I had to run to Wal-Mart to pick up some blank DVDs and then I did a trial run of recording part of a show. I played it back to see the quality and I am very very impressed! Also, I can erase a show and record over it just like a VHS tape so that I can re-use a DVD over and over to save money. Those things can get expensive!

So if you don't hear from me for a while, I am probably playing back hours of shows that I can't ever seem to watch for one reason or another.

I am still reading that book of short horror stories from the Victorian and Edwardian eras. It is a thick book, but not THAT thick. It is just hard to get through since the English of that time is not the same. But I am breezing through the other book I have opened, "Fiend" about the youngest serial killer in America.

This weekend I plan to try to finish "Fiend" and then I want to hunker down and finish that short horror story book. It's good, but just so hard to read right now. I am worried about putting it down to finish it later because I probably won't ever finish it that way.

On to other artsy subjects:
My hot song for the time is "The Boogie That B" by Black Eyed Peas. It is the song that the cowboys/cowgirls are linedancing to in that iPod commerical. HOT HOT HOT! (the song, not the cowboys/cowgirls)

GO KERRY!Warning: Entry ahead is controversial and can be very offensive to some, but oh well!

If it is true that Bush is the winner, I only have a few words: If Bush wins, our country is going to hell in a handbasket.

He screwed up the war, he has taken so many jobs from Americans and put them overseas, he will select the most extreme right-wing justices for any posts that come open in the Supreme Court, and the way Bush is taking care of America's finances by giving a tax break to the rich, poor people have no chance. He also supports big business. Think Haliburton...

I seriously hope a miracle happens and Kerry wins this. The race is still too close to call, but I am praying hard that Kerry wins. I cannot believe people actually voted for Bush. I guess people like not having jobs and they also must like seeing us screw things up in Iraq because there is not enough financial support for our troops.

And when Roe vs Wade gets overturned by Bush's Supreme Court, be prepared for young women and teens getting dark-alleyway-abortions that cause infection and can kill the girl getting the abortion. Also look for victims of rape and incest having to either go to another country to get an abortion or having to get their abortions in dark alleyways done with a coathanger and a sleezy man with dirty hands. Am I being dramatic? No! That is exactly what will happen if Roe v. Wade is overturned. And ultimately that is Bush's agenda regarding the Supreme Court. So I hope Pro-Lifers are prepared to start adopting more children, paying more money to their health insurance to cover those un-insured women who get illegal abortions and wind up having to be hospitalized for infections, and I really hope the Pro-Lifers start opening their wallets to help women who have their children but can't afford it so they must go on welfare. You can't say no to abortion and then turn your back when a baby is born and put in an adoption home. If you do, then SHAME ON YOU!

It seems the ONLY reason Bush has so many votes is because he is "Born-Again Christian" and we all know how the South values that. That is a great thing, but why elect someone JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR RELIGION? While he is leaving so many Americans jobless I guess that is forgivable because he is CHRISTIAN. He can do NO WRONG since he is a Christian. No one seems to see ANYTHING wrong with this so I must be the crazy one here. I don't care what religion you are, if you take away my job, send my cousin to iraq to fight a losing battle, and then you have the balls to appoint justices that will be taking away my right as a woman, then you do not deserve my vote.

With all of this in our near future I can at least sleep well knowing that my vote did not go to Bush and his leading our country down a dark, slippery slope. Sweet dreams Bush supporters and Pro-Lifers!

Why don't they make Election Day a National Holiday? Not only would they get more volunteers to be poll workers and they would get more voters possibly. As it stands now many working folks can't volunteer to be poll workers because they would have to take off a whole day of work in order to volunteer. According to law, poll workers cannot be part-time or do split shifts. They can't even leave the building for lunch! So if you volunteer, you work from the start of the polling to the very very end. In many cases, that means working 14 hours that one day. If today was considered a National Holiday so you had off work, it would be easier to volunteer your time at polling sites. I bet there would be lots more volunteers.

I also hear people complaining that there are not enough people voting in elections. Well if they made Election Day a National Holiday, that might get more people to vote. They are home from work and every channel they turn to has election coverage. Since they are home anyways, they might as well get out there and vote! Also, if every state made it possible to register to vote on Election Day it would make it doubly likely that more people would vote. That way, if you are so inclined, you could get off your couch, jump in your car, register to vote and then vote in one fell swoop. I would bet the family farm that more people would vote in the national election if every state set themselves up in this way.

I wonder why no one has fought to make Election Day a National Holiday, there are so many positive reasons to do so. Any takers?

Tomorrow is the US election and everyone who can vote, should vote. Even if you are undecided, do some homework and decide because your vote needs to be counted. If you are a woman, a minority, or even a person of any race/gender who is below the poverty line, just know that so many people have given their lives for you to be able to vote. There was a time that only educated, wealthy, white men could vote. So many people went through hell and back to give that right to women, minorities, and the poor to have their say in our national election.

Don't throw your right to vote away by staying home. If you are still undecided once you reach the polling place, then vote for Nader, flip a coin, or vote for whomever you think has the prettiest eyes. I don't care how you decide on who to vote for, just VOTE!

I have my preference of candidates, but I am not here to change your mind. I just want you to go out there and vote! But if you want, you can listen to This American Life show on the elections: http://www.thisamericanlife.com/ra/276.ram It is very entertaining and has some parts that I was laughing so hard about!

Peace and may you find joy and a sense of good citizenship in the act of voting.

Quote of the time:
"The fine for falsely pulling the fire alarm in the dorm is $1,000. The fine for setting an actual fire in the dorm is $100. So, I figure if I happen to pull the fire alarm, I'll just set a fire in the hall and save myself $900. It's a great plan. "
Shaina