I've had quite a week.

I've been good, I've been trying, but when I am not busy, I am not okay.

I am blaming myself. I said some horriable things about my pregnancy during my pregnancy while DH and I were fighting, and I feel so guilty. I say things I don't mean when I am angry, it is one of my biggest flaws. I know I didn't cause my miscarriage, but I also belive in Karma, and perhaps this is life's way of showing me I need help with controling my anger and watching what I say.

I know i'll get past this and learn for this. It is hard. Everyday is either a good day or a horriable day. My FIL is coming down for the holidays tomorrow and we are really close. This was going to be his first grandchild. He was so excited. He expierenced loss as well (DH is adopted) his wife lost a few pregnancies before having to get a hystramecty at 25. I know when he walks in the door I'm going to break down crying.

Comments (3)

Hang in there! The number of horrible days will grow fewer and easier to handle with time. So glad you have family that can relate to your loss and help support you.

Praying for you.

And thanks for sharing the article. I'm so glad that there is research being done in the field and doctors are becoming more sensitive to the issue. After a m/c, there is just no way to go into another pregnancy with the same innocence and unfettered optimism.

Thanks for the article! After 10 days i'm starting to feel a bit better and i realize that i was in a state of shock, like i held my breath for 10 days. This morning I woke up an smiled because it was a sunny day... It felt good. The pain, the disappointment and the anxiety of never having a child aren't gone. But slowly i'm enjoying the little things in life once again. I hope you do too soon.
And don't feel responsible for your loss. Whatever you said or thought didn't cause it to happen. Nature did what was best and your thoughts have no impact neither good nor bad on this.
Finally, If you feel like you can't overcome the sadness and the pain, like you are empty, like life isn't worth it, don't hesitate to get help. Meds may not be the only solution but they can help make this transitional time a little easier to bear so you can recover and have a healthy and happy pregnancy.

I can pretty much relate to everything you said, some days are good and some days i dont want to get out of bed, at my job we see alot of newborns and it can be hard to deal with, especially when the moms are 16...i broke down to DH the other day, i just kept saying over and over again how this isnt supposed to happen with your first baby, ive had friends that had m/c before and some how i just dont feel like they can relate, i mean i know they lost a baby too but it doesnt feel the same because atleast they have children, i am so scared out of my mind that i will never have children :/ everyone says "dont worry" or "it will happen" but no one knows for sure, its so frustrating and im so scared to get pregnant, i dont want to let everyone down again :(