Tag Archives: musica!

Sometimes its just like that… You are sitting at your favorite place for potato juice then you realize you don’t even fucking drink that anymore. So you order some bourbon and start to relax when you just can’t. There is tension… so you do some social media bullshit. Then it hits you what a mistake that is because the world seems to be going to hell in a handbasket- oh wait just us.

After the bourbon settles and I stop looking at news, I am actually thankful. I force people to listen to whatever I want on the jukebox by using my phone to override the next pick. It’s the little things. It dawned on me as I usurped some slash-my-wrist 80’s emo bullshit with some Rage that holee shit! 25 years ago when you were doin whatever the fuck you were doin like oh ya trying to finish high school while navigating teenage motherhood-ish…oh wait, I didn’t have my own kids but I had some my parents made so that was just me. Anyway a pivotal moment in music happened. I can always count on this album to tap my feelings with all the intensity I feel. I don’t need to know the same exact things, that happened – I just need the Rage.

Is it just me or do the holidays start earlier and earlier every year? It seems to me that if Samhain has not yet passed, then stores should not be allowed to put up decorations for magic baby day. If I haven’t even given thanks for the pilgrims giving smallpox to the indigenous peoples yet, then that shit ain’t right. Maybe if it were Fear’s Fuck Christmas, I wouldn’t be so offended. But i’m not likely to hear that while picking up diabetes in a bag for the neighborhood ghouls. Why don’t stations play a better selection of holiday shit? Why must they always go with ye olde golden christmas oldies a la bing? Why can’t we get some hard rock or punk or ska or Queen???

Make a list, or better yet, a youtube playlist of your favorite holiday tuneage. It can be traditional if that’s your bag but the angrier, the louder the harder…. the better!! I expect a shitload of variety. A minimum of 5 songs would be appreciated but knock yourselves out… Go big. Give me a playlist that will make me the shame most awesome ever of my office when I “accidentally” play it at the company holiday party.

In fact let’s make a contest out of it. I shall challenge myself as well and have mine up within a week. I know my friends don’t like to pass up a chance for free shit so here goes.

My favorite list/playlist will get a shiney gift wrapped goodie from me. Sent directly to your door. Go forth, play music and be merry bitches!!!

I do not like pop music. This may seem like a little thing, but it isn’t. For me pop encompasses a wide range of shit (really, SHIT) and none of it appeals to me. You can have all that candy coated teenage bull shit and I will take a hard driving baseline. I will have some Tool with a side of Iron Maiden and enjoy some Rage Against the fucking Machine for dessert. I’ll take some soul, some rock steady, old skool awesome shit to make me shake my groove thang. Some Ray Charles, some Etta James, some Al Green, some Otis with a side of the Specials, the Skatalites, Mighty Mighty Bosstones and some Gaylads (no pun intended) and Johnny Nash for a finisher. I will admit I have become a huge fan of Mumford & Sons, Florence and the Machine, The departed, and XX. But, you can keep your Bieber and Taylor Swift your Beyonce your bull shit boy bands and wanna be’s fakin’ the vibrato (I’l keep Justin Timberlake though. He’s fucking hot and well, do I need another reason?? okay, he’s talented too). I have tried to give this shit an honest go but I can’t do it. Give me Master of Puppets and some Zeppelin IV. I’ll take some Holy Diver, In the Absence of Truth, Mondo Bizaro and some Danzig. And anytime you can give me Tool, hit me hard.

Tool… Parabola
“…Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing.

This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal.
All this pain is an illusion.”

This will not be your typical barstool musing. This will not be a standard issue rant about drunken bitches falling out of their shirts or frat-boy douchecanoes plying said bitches with drinks to take them home. No, this is a Tuesday. Tonight DJ’s play in the old school way, from vinyl and an outline of a playlist and a bit of what’s in their head. tonight’s set starts and well…

“You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.
The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox
In 4 parts without commercial interruptions.”

Like I said, not your average music night, and not your average night at a little local Irish pub. As is typical of this particular DJ’s way… he starts every set this way, then he eases you in to his sound roller coaster with some Rock Steady. The rest of this almost hour long set could include an over the map mix of The Miracles, Marvin Gaye, Ken Boothe, Gaylads, Slim Smith, The Supremes, Jimmy Cliff, Cock Sparrer and Stiff Little Fingers… And that is a scratch on the surface. Our Old-School DJ has a collection that would make other collectors bow. Maybe that’s why he’s the guy that can play Rock Steady, Soul, Classic Reggae, Original Punk and other stuff I can’t even remember. Did I mention all of this is on vinyl?

Then the punk fades out, (because just as he has his favorite way to introduce his set, he has his favorite way to end as well) up comes a sound that, while completely different, seems to flow like they were always meant to go together. No spoken word, this is Garage Rock baby… Our rock n’ roll DJ just plays it that way. In a set that will have no spoken word, few instrumentals and you are more likely to find a stack of 45’s than 33’s in his collection, it is a ride through the world of … The Ronnettes, The Crystals, The Mummies, The Shondells, Paul Revere & The Raiders and The Sonics. That list may not have a ton of names you know, but they were influential on the ones you do, but it isn’t even my point… You will spend the entirety of this set shakin’ your booty and having fun.

Then… they each get to spin again but still the music ends all too quickly. So you ask if they have this or that so they can play it next time. But if it isn’t 60’s genre on vinyl you’ll be out of luck… but you’ll be back anyway.

Oh, Did I mention this is all vinyl?? But people still make cool videos of The Sonics with Raquel Welch dancing… awesome.

This week, well the last two, have been about as much as I can take on this ride. But its fortunate I have a vast collection of music to shuffle through my mindPod (and actual shite too if you must know… between the collections is about two solid months of non stop tuneage) and I happened to land on Austin Lucas. Ahhh Austin Lucas. Not a well known musician, though he should be. And today, he is my hero. His style may not be for all but he was exactly what I needed. Most specifically his song Singing Man.

The past few weeks have been that of feeling weak and inadequate. Regardless of what anyone said or did I wasn’t going to get it. That is the nature of the little car that whirrs me round. But when its quiet and I can’t hear anything I tap my dbase of songs and here it is… Austin Lucas. So today was my dad’s birthday (dude! 69 – he’s gonna throw that around all year because he’s dirty… GROSS!). I hate family events for more reasons than I can tell you today but the short version is because my sister somehow – with her super powers (do you get those during child birth? if so I may have to rethink shit) – flip-floped me in the line of birth order and is now the oldest instead of youngest and has a complete vulcan mind-meld hold over my mother. I think its because she is married and has a child and I myself have neither, in fact I do not want child and I am divorced, thus I am broken. so there’s that… So I couldn’t go. I just couldn’t. I know I disappointed my bro, and I hate that. But to be fair I was unwell on Sunday but, it was made all the worse by my anxiety. I felt well…. weak and small and like I mattered little. My solution was to say hey, I’ll come over on his actual birthday! So the last three days I kept hearing the words…

‘I had followed her on
Until breathlessly she said
Here’s my hand, won’t you take it, won’t you?
Oh
You are not weak
And not small
In my eyes you are mighty’

I realized its only in my own eyes that I am weak and small. I may not be the singin man but I cause my own shit storm sometimes. I need to realize she is the youngest, I am the oldest, I am not weak and not small but rather a person who is mighty…

this is just him which to me is more pure, because if you are struggling within – you don’t hear harmony. I sing and I don’t hear harmony. Though the link above has the harmony’s with the female voice (who I’m ashamed to say I don’t know).

WoW: Exercise 22 – Select a piece of music that reflects the mood of writing you’d like to aim for. Press play. Start free writing. Write the first words that come into your head. When the music’s over, so is the writing. I’d recommend finding out how long the song is before you start the exercise. You may feel cheated in your writing time if you pick a song by The Ramones. Of course, if you feel like writing a short, punky piece by all means, go for it!

She worries about how cold it is and how lonely he must feel outside.
Every time she pushes him to that place and he turns from her.
She screams at him ‘let me in.’
And he stares at her with that blank look that says ‘…I just, I just can’t.’

And he walks away.
So she stands there… spent. For what seems like days.
Waiting for something, anything.
Crying tears that leave sandpaper trails on her cheeks.
Wondering if this was too far to push…
this time.

They are both hurt, scared, alone.

The mirror shows the blinking clock by their bed, it’s late.
But he’s across the house, alone in another room, hurting within himself.
The tears have dried, their mark only visible in the bags beneath her eyes and when she looks in the mirror.
Softly the rain begins to fall.

She goes to him, lying there in the dark, listening to the sound of the rain.
Beside him, she hopes for tomorrow, and the sleep comes.
Finally the sleep comes to them.

[youtube]http://youtu.be/jcgunQft0Tc[/youtube]

3am performed by Rob Thomas (I don’t like the video but this is the acoustic version from story tellers where he gives the real background… kinda defeating the purpose. but for those of you who need the eye candy find him here.)

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 16:
Hadge says: Take a favorite (or even random play) song and write the story behind the lyrics, not something inspired by the lyric, but the flesh on the bones of the story. It gives lots of scope for interpretative writing. Use the lyrics or theme of a song for a piece of flash fiction (50 to 200 words). To clarify, write your version of the story behind the lyrics in a song

~I don’t write fiction, though this is not entirely true. Of course a bit of a departure from my usual style as its a rather prose-ish piece. ( I really only write poetry when I am at the bar with um a glass of potato juice…) so I am open to anything anyone has to say.

So I stumbled across Write on Wednesdays. I’m gonna make an attempt to sharpen my skills and get some writing done. We’ll see how it goes…

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 5: Write the Music – A bit of choice this week: Pick your favorite song and write down the first line of lyrics OR turn on the radio and write down the first line of lyrics you hear. Then set your timer for 5 minutes and write the first words that come into your head after your writing prompt. Stop when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish.

“Mark out anything that takes no time….”

I was reading one of those psycho-babble, analyze yourself and then you can fix your own bullshit books. I sort of think of those like chose your own adventure, but I’m not sure that they ever really help myself. Today, however, I think that one of the things I read may have merit. (please do not fall off your chair, I will deny all liability) The passage had to do with whether we seek instant gratification, delay gratification or have a healthy self-discipline when it comes to what satiates our own needs. All this is illustrated by how we eat cake – frosting first, frosting last or with the cake simultaneously. When I first read it I decided I was a self denier but enabler of others (I don’t usually eat the frosting at all, but give it to the person who likes it. This usually corresponds with a person of girth, thus the “enabling”.) This may be partially true, but really, I think I have been living with my speed lever switched to 45rpm, even though I should be running on 33rpm. Its like this intense desire pushes me to make sure everything is done as quickly as possible so that everyone is taken care of. (Did you hear the ah-ha and see the light-bulb?) I do not delay or deny, I bypass completely!! There are things that take time that I’ve not completed for myself. I’m too busy. Until I sat and really thought about it, I didn’t give weight to the idea that the reason may very well have nothing to do with my own gratification at all… but more that I don’t like cake! Okay maybe I need to finish the book and get a better picture or listen to the rest of the song…

Sitting at the pub while the man read the paper, I wrote what I thought was a decent post for today. I actually put it down on real paper with a pen and everything. But as is par, on my way home I got sidetracked. When I turned on the car and headed back, it took a few to realize there were no sounds coming out. I was deep in thought about a friend of mine and the bull shit she is being forced to deal with right now. So I turned up the volume…

“Just don’t waste all your years Believing in the fearYou’ll choke out what’s alive and makeWhat’s wrong be all that’s real

I can see you’re weakened at the seamsAnd trying to swim upstream but can’t find a way”

It didn’t actually take the whole verse for me to know the song. Hell it didn’t even take more than a couple words. My friends face was flooding tears to my eyes because the whole song was in my head. I had to re start the song.

“…

I’m sure you’ll learn to dance and drink and dreamBut you might still feel lost

And I see myself in you my friendBut I would break where you would bendI’m calling on what you defend and tonight I won’t hold back”

This song has significant meaning to me and honestly got me through some darkness. But hearing it now, all I could think of was my friend and her life. I could see her over the last few months and how the fear and stress has built upon itself layer by layer. I see her fighting in a constant swim upstream to keep what’s most important to her. I thought of how hard she works to prove to some douchenozzle what the rest of us already see, how he fights her and threatens her and uses fear as a tool to manipulate her. Fear is a powerful tool.

“Just don’t waste all your years Believing in the fearYou’ll choke out what’s alive and makeWhat’s wrong be all that’s real

I can see you’re weakened at the seamsAnd trying to swim upstream but can’t find a way

So here we are again trying to hold back The tides behind our eyesLucky ones trying to drink from both the wells we claim are dryI guess I’ve found some freedom in Embracing every time they pry

We’re both the same You’re just like me”

The tears are rolling as I’m trying to sing along, and hit the back button again. I was reminded that I’ve been in this place, I’ve swam in this stream. I’ve been consumed by this fear and it’s sickening. For a moment I felt her pain and was crippled. I was in that moment and remembered my own fear. For a moment we were both the same.

For me it took the physical act of shaving my head to keep my heart, to lose my fear (or some of it anyway) and lose my head or analyze less (ain’t gonna lie – not a lot less but I’m trying). I needed the reminded that I did this… I went through the work so that my skin could be shed. I made it out of the stream in one piece. I’m not sure what will happen to my friend. I am not sure of how things will turn out. She is barely at the river’s mouth and there are bears waiting in the water to catch her. What I am sure of is that she is not alone. No one should ever be alone doing battle with people that have evil inside. I know that she is loved and I have bear traps.

Another year has passed, and we are one week from the magic baby day when the flying fur-beasts buzz about on the super-sonic, high powered, wonder-sled carrying the fat man that never seems to develop any kind of coronary disease… even though he spends his entire life gorging on the “four food groups” of candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup. Not to mention the 24 hour cookie eating binge that would cause even the Guinness World record holding cookie eating champ to turn and run. (Can you imagine some of the hockey-puck nastyness he must be forced to choke down?? So gross) Okay maybe the fat man and the magic baby aren’t bffffs, but if they were… maybe that would explain how the fantastic 24 hour world cookie tour of sooty cylindrical conveyances actually occurs. Maybe the star shining in the night gives the super-sonic sled some umf and maybe the fat guy isn’t fat at the beginning of the night – pre cookie binge… he just gets that way as he wolfs them down house after house.

Okay, so I don’t so much believe in magic babies or flying fat men. Whatever… that’s another day. I do believe that winter is wonderful in that the cold reminds us to care for each other… Reminds us to be good humans even if you can only muster it for a day. Whatever it is, believe in what you want, believe in something…. I believe I have been loved and cared for beyond what I thought was possible. I believe I am a lucky girl who has many things to be thankful for and much goodness to repay.
I have some friends to write good things about, some beer to drink (I believe beer is proof of life being great), some SRV to listen to, and some yule tide to make gay.
Happy solstice.

Last night I went to a show with my brother. This isn’t the first time I’ve been to a show with him, but it’s the first time we’ve made plans in advance and the first time it wasn’t going just to support a friend. We went to see Circle Takes the Square. I really like them, their music, the feel, their lyrics. They are… well, amazing, brilliant really. My brother and I have very different taste in music, but when he played this band for me I had to hear more. They take you from loud screaming crashing mania to melodic heart wrenching melody back up to the highest height then into a chant or ending in a round. Fucking brilliant.

As much as I loved seeing them live, it wasn’t the show that left me with a full heart. I watched the people around me, drank them in and took in their positive energy. And then I saw my brother. We weren’t near each other at this point as I dance in my place absorbed in my world and my own observation. He, on the other hand, dances with abandon completely taken by what he is hearing. So I watched him as I listened and moved to the music. I was in awe… I had tears in my eyes and at first I couldn’t figure out why. They just flowed down my cheeks. It wasn’t the music or anything like that… it was the sight of my brother, my best friend so passionate and free. If you knew him the passion part is easy, the free… not so much. I left the venue with raw emotions and a renewed respect (not that I’d ever lost any) for my brother.

This freedom is what I want. I want a passion that makes me dance with abandon. I want to run forward and never look back. I want more tear because of nights like this…