As a school counselor, the one thing I wish I could give my students more of is confidence. I work in a middle school, and one of the most awkward moments in adolescence. Girls compare themselves to other girls and boys feel bad if they don’t have the newest tennis shoes.

Here are a few tips on teaching kids to lovethemselves:

Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment

Tell the child what part of what they did was good.

Example: You showed good manners when you said excuse me after you burped! Wow, I like the way you colored in the lines on that picture!

Thank you for apologizing when you hurt your sister’s feelings. That was kind of you.

Immerse Them in Diversity

Now I know some of you are thinking, I live in a small town, how can I do this? Easy! Take your kids to a museum.

Read about a holiday in another culture (Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, etc) Try some foods at an ethnic restaurant. Step outside of your comfort zone together as a family!

Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore

The older your children get, the more they may become aware of race relations in the news (school shootings, Black lives matter movement, racial tensions around the world, religious homicides, genocide).

No matter your stance on these touchy subjects, talk about them with your children.

They may not need a long explanation, but hearing from you gives them comfort.

Read, Read, Read

I cannot say this enough, especially to parents of young children. This is your opportunity to instill a love of reading in them. Find out what your child’s interests are.

Read books about those things. As your children get older, find a chapter book to read together. Read a book, and then watch the movie that was adapted from the book.

As you can see from this picture, we started early. We wanted our children to develop a love for reading. Our daughter was 7 months old in this picture. My husband was reading one of our favorites, Black is Brown is Tan.

Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others

When I say others, I mean others with disabilities, handicaps, or from other cultures. I grew up on an Air Force Base, and this makes me more tolerant than most by default.

You don’t have to understand everything about a person to be kind. Teaching your kids to be kindto people will help them navigate our diverse world.

If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)

Their peers may try to force them into a racial box they don’t belong in solely based on their skin color. They will need you to validate that their mixed heritage is unique, and they are special the way they are.

When they are little, help them focus on the similarities they have with you, rather than the differences. For example, I tell my six-year-old that she has brown eyes and curly hair like me. I also tell her that she has brown hair like her daddy.

Now she’ll point out the similarities that she has with both grandmothers and her sister on her own. When we discuss skin color, it isn’t a taboo subject in our home. It doesn’t have to be in yours either.

Someone once told me that if parenting wasn’t the hardest job I’ve ever done, I was doing it wrong. I’m here to tell you, it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever done! For those of you without children, some of these same tips can apply in your school, church or community.

Maintaining friendships becomes more difficult as seasons in life change, especially the season of becoming a mother.

The way I see it, there are 3 kinds of friends: single, married with no kids & married with kids. There are definite advantages to each.

Single

Single friends keep you from being boring. They make the best shopping partners! The downside is that you can’t just hit the road and hang out like in the old days. You have to find a babysitter first or clear it with the hubby.

You text more than talk so you won’t have to deal with the constant interruptions. They tag you in funny memes on Facebook and Instagram.

When you do get to talk on the phone, you rush off the phone when you get home. Your friend may not understand, or they may become annoyed at you yelling at your kids in the background. Hands down, they make great Godparents and babysitters.

Married With No Kids

Your married friends understand the balance of friendship and marriage. They don’t take offense when you need to check with your boo before a girl’s night out. You can vent about your hubby, and they understand that your world isn’t coming to an end.

However, they do look nervous when your kids are running around the living room, and you have to rearrange things in their living room because it isn’t baby proof. They ask you lots of questions about pregnancy and babies. These friends have a tendency of being judgmental.

They see you struggling with your toddler at nap time, nursing after age 1 or give you that annoyed look when you are late (again) and they tell themselves their child will never be like that.

How do I know these friends are judgmental? Because my friends, I used to be one.

Married With Kids

This group of friends is great for play dates.

You can take turns fussing at the kids, sharing funny stories and commiserating about the embarrassing ones. You swap tips about baby products and what to bring to class parties.

They don’t get offended if you text more than talk or if you have to scream mid-sentence.

They also don’t look at you like someone died if you are having an off day and only wore one earring. They validate that you don’t have to be superwoman and kids will be kids.

Sometimes these friends get on your nerves. Your version of discipline is different from theirs.

They let their kids run amuck and you can’t enjoy the playmate because you are concerned about their safety. Or they only eat vegan & organic food and it stresses you out when they come over because you have nothing to feed them.

Each friendship has a place and adds balance and value to your life. You can relate to each friend because at some point, you were in their shoes.

What do you think is the most challenging part about maintaining friendships after becoming a mother?

Today on the blog I am welcoming Brittany Muddamalle from The Almost Indian Wife. She’s sharing her story about identity.

I’ve always wanted to be a parent, but in all my daydreaming I never could have expected what my life would look like after I had kids. Motherhoodisn’t what I thought it would be. In my head, it was all about monumental firsts, cute little babies, and life changing moments.

In reality, motherhood is all the good moments and the exhausting ones…

Motherhood is your child getting kicked out of swim class because he refuses to listen to the teachers…

Motherhood is staying up all night with your sick baby…

Motherhood is trying to figure out how you can help your kids to actually like each other…

Motherhood is getting so lost in your kids that you start to ignore your spouse…

Motherhood is feeling out of touch with your friends because you don’t ever get out of the house…

Motherhood is starting to forget who you are as a person. Not as a parent or spouse, but a person…

Motherhood is a full-time job. You’re raising kids and it happens in the early hours before the sun rises, during lunch time, and in the middle of the night. As mothers, it’s our responsibility to be there for our kids at all times so they know we’re here for them. We want to be the person they depend on through it all. However, if we’re not careful we start to only identify as a mother and forget the rest of our identity.

I Got So Lost In My Kids That I Started To Lose My Identity

I love being a mother. I have three boys under 6 years old. Most of my days consist of grand superhero battles, sword fights, making messes, Disney movies, and snuggling my kids on the couch.

I can’t imagine life without my boys.

The problem I’ve encountered like many other mothers out there is at times I’ve been so lost in my kids that I started to forget who I am. I almost lost my identity.

I put my kids before everything else for three big reasons.

Survival

After I had my last son, I learned how to simply survive. I was exhausted all the time, but my to-do lists were only getting bigger. I now had three kids to get dressed, three kids to make lunch for, three kids to take grocery shopping, three kids with attitudes, three kids with boo-boos, and three kids to raise.

Last year things got even crazier. My two-year-old started to get febrile seizures and it meant that everything else in my life had to be put on hold until he was better. It meant I had keep him as healthy as possible so he didn’t get sick. I became one of those crazy germaphobe parents that wouldn’t let my kids touch anything.

Control

It didn’t help that my husband was traveling for work over the last few years. When he was gone, I became a single parent. I had to develop a new routine so I could make it work.

I got used to doing things on my own. My routine became second nature and I didn’t want anyone messing with it. Even if it meant they could help. When my husband came home, I had a hard time letting go of the control. I think part of me felt like I had to be able to do it all one my own to be a good mother to my kids.

It didn’t matter that I was working myself to the bone.

Kids are exhausting. Some days it takes every ounce of energy I have in me just to get the kids through the day and dinner on the table. Kids need you every minute of the day. They don’t understand what it means to give momma some alone time.

Time

At the end of the day, all I usually want to do is climb in my bed and go to sleep. That doesn’t leave much time for a social life or a good relationship with my spouse. I didn’t intentionally put those relationships to the side, it just started happening.

I’d tell myself I’ll have time for it later.

This is what causes marriages to fall apart after their kids are raised. We get so caught up in the kids, we forget to date our spouses & we forget how important it is to work on our relationships.

We Don’t Have To Sacrifice Everything To Motherhood

As mothers, wesacrifice things to be better mothers. We sacrifice sleep, showers, time for ourselves, and so much more (including our identity) so we can help our children grow up into responsible and loving human beings.

Over the last 5 years, I’ve learned so much from being a mother. It’s taught me humility, compassion, exhaustion, and just how much you can love a little human being. While being a mother is a large part of who I’ve become, it’s not everything.

I’m not just a mother. I’m a daughter, a wife, and a friend. I love photography, getting pampered, having dinner made for me, writing, reading, traveling, and so much more.

If we let ourselves get so caught up in our motherhood journeys that we forget who we are, it only ends up hurting those around us. We will eventually get burnt out and resent those around us.

It’s vital for us to remember who we are. We need to take time for ourselves. Whether it means going out and getting a pedicure, going to Target alone, or getting coffee with a friend. Make time for yourself.

Sit down right now and ask yourself, Who am I?

What have you neglected in your time as a mother that you wish you had more time for? My challenge for you is to make time for it again. You will be a better mother if you teach your kids how important it is to know who you are and make time for yourself.

Motherhood is a beautiful and life changing journey, but it can’t completely make up your identity. You’re more than who you are as a mom.

My question to you today… Who are you?

Want to hear more from Brittany? Be sure to follow The Almost Indian Wife for more!

So many parents feel guilty about having to work because they aren’t present with their children. They feel guilty about wanting to take a break when their kids want some quality time (me included)

What’s the solution? I have a few ideas about how you can fit some quality time into your everyday routines.

Come Up with a Morning/Breakfast Routine

Say a prayer after breakfast. Listen to your favorite song on the way to school. Find a way to foster bonding in the midst of morning routines. The morning sets the tone for the day. Use this time to sow positivity into your child instead of frustration. This may require getting up a few minutes earlier.

Leave a Note in your Child’s Lunchbox

Everyone loves having a visual reminder of how much they’re loved. Don’t you? This is a simple way to communicate with your child while you are apart. I can guarantee it will put a smile on their face.

Eat Dinner Together

This can be tough if one parent works late, or you’re running around to and from athletics practices and after school activities. Make sitting down at the table a priority. As kids get older and begin to share more with their peers and less with their parents, having a time of open conversation becomes absolutely necessary to keep the lines of communication open.

With all of the negative influences that the world has to offer our children at such a young age, we can’t afford to not make time to talk to our kids.

Bath/Bedtime Quality Time

If you have toddlers, make this time of night fun!

I get it, you are ready to whisk them off into bed so that you can unwind yourself. Use tools like bubbles, bath crayons, foam letters & numbers to use the bath as a mini classroom. Teach your little ones colors using colored bath bubbles.

After bath time, use story time as a time to wind your children down and educate them. Want to teach them about telling the truth, getting along, or about an important historical figure? Use a book!

When my daughters were babies, my husband and I used the time after bath to teach them how to count their fingers and toes in Spanish.

We are a musical family, so we also used this time to sing & dance with our children. Quality time can be spent a variety of ways–it just about setting aside time with your children & making them feel important.

Everyone has 24 hours in a day. Some of us work longer hours than others, but it’s important to set aside time for our families. Remember, whether we make our kids a priority or not, we are still educating them.

They tell you in school that if you pick a job you love, you’ll never work another day in your life. That’s mostly true, but with any job, you will face challenges that aren’t fun.

I have worked in education for nearly 10 years. I love helping students and families. The kind of work I do can be very fulfilling most days. However, whenever I have a significant time off work (Thanksgiving, Christmas or Spring Break), I go into full mommy mode.

I have the pleasure of sleeping in, cooking dinner for my family every night, catching up on laundry and actually keeping my house clean. In other words, I don’t feel like a failure.

Her Home Looks Perfect

Her house is always clean, and I instantly get jealous. I envy her organized desks and pantries. I immediately think of all the things I need to run home and do.

She never forgets to ask me if I want something to drink, and she seems to enjoy baking. She even has time to make Pinterest worthy photo backdrops for her kids every holiday. Me, on the other hand? I’m good to remember to send things for class parties.

Her Kids are Smart

Since she’s at home, she has time to teach them to count, write & read before they ever start school. I did great with my first child, but with #2, I constantly have guilt about how much less time I spent doing educational things with her.

She has downloaded all the perfect educational apps on her Ipad and monitors screen time, while I let mine play aimlessly some days so I can cook and keep the kitchen clean.

She Can Nap in the Middle of the Day or Sleep In

Napping is one of the maternity luxuries that I miss the most. Raising kids is utterly exhausting some days! Recently I’ve instituted family nap time on Saturdays so my kids & I can recharge at the same time.

When my stay at home mom friend tells me that her kids don’t rise until 9 or 10, I feel a twinge of jealousy.

She has More Time

I feel like I’m always pressed for time. After work, I’m in a rush to get dinner on the table. Then I’m rushing to get the kids from bath to bed. I’m rushing to get a few loads of laundry done while listening to my husband vent from the day.

By the time I lay down to go to sleep, my mind runs through a list of things I didn’t have time to complete. She, on the other hand, can space out projects throughout the day. She can run errands while businesses are still open.

But then we sit down and chat…….

And I realize that she hasn’t had a break all day. When her husband gets home, she longs for some alone time, but her husband tells her what a long day he’s had and how tired he is.

She tells me that she cleans to keep from going stir crazy. Oh, and that she cleaned the entire house right before I came over. She tells me how much she loves picking the kids up from school, but she misses real, adult human interaction every day. She asks me to tell her funny stories from work.

They weren’t funny when they happened, but they are funny now that I’m sharing them with her. We laugh about the things our kids have in common, and that we both say crazy things when we’re mad.

We talk about the tough stuff and get a little teary eyed. As our time together comes to an end, I realize that she’s a little jealous of me too.

*I received these products free through a partnership with Oriental Trading Company. Even though the product I received was free, all opinions are solely mine.*

Planning a multicultural festival is a great way highlight the cultural diversityof your community through music, dance, art, storytelling and more. Want to plan one at your school? Read below to find out how!

Form a Multicultural Festival Committee

The committee should be comprised of teachers, school counselors, an administrator, and parents.

Assign Duties to Committee Members

Committees work best when people are assigned duties in their area of expertise. If there is an artist in the group, assign that person duties like making flyers and signs. The administrator can be responsible for making the call home alerting parents of the festival.

Involve Community Stakeholders

If your school is low on funds, then this is a must! You would be surprised at what community members are willing to donate. Many are willing to donate supplies, money, and even their time!

Draft a letter on school letterhead describing the event (location, purpose, time & date). Bring the letter to various community vendors & businesses at least two months in advance. Clickhere for a sample donation letter.

Before you visit the business with your letter, call in advance to find out the name of the manager and what days and times they will be available.

Calling ahead of time ensures that you will be able to talk to someone when you bring the letter.

Publicize, Publicize, Publicize

Publicizing your event is a great opportunity to get the students involved. If you have a Student Council at your school, have the Student Council advisor present this festival to them.

Get them involved in making flyers and announcing to the school. The president may be in charge of making the morning announcements. Draft an announcement that can be read daily.

If the school has a website or a social media page (like Facebook, Twitter, Remind 101) put out a social media blast about the festival. Flood your school and community with information.

Pick Countries & Assign One to Each Classroom

The world is a big place! Count the number of classrooms you have in your school, and pick the countries you will assign to each classroom. You may choose to combine smaller classes together.

Each classroom will be responsible for making a class flag and cultural dress. Students will enjoy being creative and making their own attire. Teachers can be as elaborate or simple as they choose based on their comfort level. Oriental Trading Company has several materials that are perfect for multicultural activities!

This will make your social studies teachers very happy because it will align with their standards. ELA teachers could even assign a writing assignment about the country that could align with their standards.

Assign Duties to Classroom Teachers

Announcing your event and assigning duties should be presented in a faculty meeting, followed up by an email.

Have a spokesperson (counselor or administrator) explain the details of the Multicultural Festival to teachers during a faculty meeting. This allows for questions and suggestions.

Explain to everyone the purpose of the festival and at that time, assign countries to each classroom. Have each classroom responsible for researching their country’s flag, music, traditional dress & cultural norms.

Plan a Multicultural March & Feast

On the day of the festival, plan for a march around the school.

The multicultural march will allow each class to see what the rest of the school has been working on. Have someone in charge of playing It’s a Small World on the loudspeaker or PA system as the students march around the school.

Assign someone the duty of taking pictures of each country on display. After the march, have students and teachers return to their classrooms to enjoy a feast of multicultural foods.

Want to propose a Multicultural Festival at your school? Print this pdf and give to your administrator or counselor to get the ball rolling.

Looking for a deal at Oriental Trading? Visit their coupon page for the latest in sales.

Vacation packages, restaurant seating, and life in general, is geared towards families of 4. Large families seem to be something of the past.

I’ve even seen the look on the faces of some of my co-workers & strangers when someone announces that they are pregnant with their 3rd or 4th child. I can only imagine the assumptions they are making. Here are a few I’ve heard:

I have to admit, toddlers do and say some pretty funny stuff, but they also have some annoying habits.

Strangers often look at me when I’m with my kids and say aw, those (referring to toddler years) were my favorite. You look up, and they’re grown. I’d love to share their sentiment, but as they attempt to walk down memory lane with me, my kids are hitting and slapping each other.

Some of their habits are cute and endearing. But some are just plain annoying.

This post is sponsored by Jord watches, but all reviews and opinions expressed are uniquely my own.

Kids. Work. Messes. Husbands. Being a mother comes with great responsibility and at times can become overwhelming.

Moms needs time to unplug and unwind so they can return to the chaos that can overtake motherhood. Here are 7 ways moms can relax:

Booking a Massage to Relax

Who doesn’t love a good rub down at the spa?

I know I do! There’s something about a quiet stranger rubbing your aching joints in a quiet dark room (without screaming kids) that automatically sets the reset button and helps you relax.

Uninterrupted Nap time

As a school counselor, one of the perks of my jobs is being off for major holidays!

I use this opportunity to catch up on sleep. It’s my favorite way to relax!

Now that my kids aren’t babies anymore, they will occasionally play together, buying me uninterrupted nap time. My husband even cooperates at times and keeps them from busting in my room.

Date With Hubby

One way that my husband and I keep the romance alive is to have date nights. There’s something about being alone together that rekindles the romance that brought us together. Now that my husband is a farmer, date nights are few and far between and we’ve had to get creative.

If we can’t go out to eat, we have a nice romantic evening at home once the kids are in bed.

Dinner with Friends

My girlfriends and I have the tradition of going to dinner for our birthdays.

Being a mother, especially with little children, means little time to relax, let alone time alone with girlfriends. Sometimes you even forget who you are apart from your family.

The last time I had dinner with my friends was two weeks ago. We went to a Brazilian steakhouse. My husband was so sweet-he didn’t call me one time! It was a wonderful opportunity to unplug, look down at my Jord watch, and not have to worry about rushing home for bedtime.

Shopping Without Kids

Before kids, I spent most payday weekends out and about. Now that I have a 5 & 2-year-old, I cherish the times I can shop without whining, fighting, crying and all the other mishaps that may come along with shopping with your children.

Am I the only one who has left a store because her children were so acting so terrible?

Please tell me I’m not alone!

Go to a Concert

Back in February, I saw the amazing Diana Ross in concert. What a legend! I was definitely star struck.

My husband surprised me, and I was on cloud nine! Going to concerts make you feel young and free.

Yoga or Some Other Workout

Nothing compares to the feeling you have after a workout. Well, except maybe the satisfaction of indulging in your favorite food. Working out alone is a luxury not every mother is afforded.

I personally love yoga because it forces me to unplug from the world, get in shape, and relax all at the same time.

If you can’t sneak away by yourself to the gym, pull up You Tube, move the couch and get your work out on! Your kids will learn how to love physical activity from watching you, and you’ll have the satisfaction of keeping that mom body in shape!

This post is sponsored by Jord watches, but all reviews and opinions expressed are uniquely my own.

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Diedre Anthony
Lifestyle + Mom Blogger
Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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