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spark

Over the past month or so due to some major detachment and some other serious shit going down I’ve realised that there’s more to life than online dating. I barely swipe anymore, and I have no enthusiasm talking to tinderfellas.

Why is this I hear you ask? I realised I’ve already found my soulmate (on a completely non romantic friendship level of course!) actually I have two ( shout out to you mrs Jones!) But I’m going to focus on one today.

Readers of this blog know who I’m talking about so there’s no need for names, you probably also know what’s happened between us over the years and I ll never be able to explain that part because our friendship is more than that.

He gets me 100%. He knows I’m a self destructive nightmare, that I feel as though I don’t deserve him so will constantly push him away and will give him a fuck ton of shit but he accepts that, he’s not a walk over though, he frequently puts me in my place and reigns me in he’s the only man who I allow to hand me my bollocks (after a lot of arguing!).

I’ve had intense friendships with the opposite sex before (I’ve even got the tattoos to prove it!) but this is different. It feels like I have to cherish it and never take it for granted.

I have to admit our friendship does affect relationships. There’s no telling some people that were just friends. I get asked frequently why we’re not together but it’s never been about that. Our friendship is way more important. Do I compare him to other guys? In all honesty, yes. It’s hard not to! I want someone who’s always there for me like he is, who doesn’t judge me, who accepts my crazy who wants to play ridiculous games and answer silly questions and looks out for me. I also want someone who I would take a bullet for because I know (and he knows!) I would for him. He literally means the world to me and it’s taken me long enough to realise I do to him. Also his hair and fashion sense on a tinderfella would be great but now I’m just being picky!

Recently sex and dating has become so empty and boring for me. I can’t stand one dimensional sex talk anymore. It’s not fun. But you know what? it’s not important! If I’m meant to fall in love this year that will happen, it’s ok not to get a million messages a day and get thumb burn from all the swiping and you know why? I’m happy and fulfilled with the people I’ve already got in my life, my soulmates.

So last night I had a date with…let’s call him ginger #4. We went for a moonlit drive in his Mercedes Benz (not into cars at all so not sure if that’s a good one!) he was really nice to chat too but there was zero chemistry. I ve got nothing bad to say about the guy other than he just wasn’t for me.

He was my third POF date, we’ve only been speaking for a week and we had a few conversations. I kinda felt the spark wasn’t really there on message or on the phone but I’ve learnt not to be judgemental after hot but dull so I gave it a go and went anyway. I’m glad I did as I like meeting and learning about new people. Just wish it had ended in huge orgasms and not huge hugs!

So Mr hot but dull messaged me asking if he was Mr hot but dull and I had to tell him that he was.

He said I was rude and selfish to write that about him, ok I get the rude part but personally I see it as being honest. As for selfish, this is a blog about my life…so duh.

The thing is I didn’t say it to offend him, he does seem like a genuinely nice guy but looks will only get you so far. I need a spark and personality and more than one word answers when we’re whatsapping. Maybe in real life he’s a hoot and im judging him but until I met him all I have to go by is text message and I need to connect with someone via that as that’s what makes me want to meet them.

I also did my phone call test with him, I spent 15 minutes talking at him and trying to joke about and all I got was one word answers and yes some people are shit on the phone but come on poppet give me something to work with!

Anyway he said ‘fuck you’ when he recognised himself from this blog (I’m guessing that if he knew who he was he’s heard it before?) awkward that he finally showed a little bit of fire when it’s too late.