Okay, so this season of GOT has been unquestionably epic- anyone with a brain cell would agree. But if there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that the characters seem a little stressed and uptight. Granted, the battle for the Iron Throne and the looming threat of an eternal winter is pretty daunting, but these guys really need to put their feet up and have some ‘me’ time. What everyone needs is a god damn massage! Here are the best styles for some of our favourite characters:

Jon Snow
You know nothing Jon Snow… Except how to swing a sword and look gorgeous at the same time- and by god, don’t you do that well! He may well have come back from the dead once, and then somehow survived icy waters whilst surrounded by the walking dead, but no one comes out of that without a few knots in their back. Jon is an outdoorsy kinda guy- always on the go, rescuing wildlings and slaying White Walkers. But my main concern is: how many times is he going to bend the knee before he pulls a muscle? Without some serious muscle work, it’s going to happen. That is why Jon would really benefit from a Sports massage here and there. You know, something to warm up his (technically dead) body before battle, or to help him wind down after a long hike beyond the wall. You may be the King of the North, but you seriously need to look after those hamstrings more!

Brienne of Tarth
Let’s be honest, Brienne is a bit crap with commitment. I mean, how many oaths do you have to make before you realise you’re shit at keeping people alive? Whilst Brienne might be a quick to swear her allegiance to anyone who will have her, there’s no denying she’s resisting the affection of one particular (very hairy) admirer. However, there is one commitment Brienne should make. She needs to hurry up and change her status to ‘In a Relationship’ with everyone’s favourite Wildling, Tormund. If he gets his own way, Brienne will be pregnant with their ‘great big monsters’ in next to no time. But how is Brienne going to handle the stress of pregnancy when she’s off beating up hounds and being Sansa’s little bitch? The answer is- Prenatal massage. Whilst Brienne might need a couple of masseuses to cover her gigantic physique, prenatal massage will help with all of the aches, pains and discomfort she’ll certainly experience whilst carrying her monstrous off-spring. Who knows, maybe Tormund will be able to get involved when he’s back from working away, beyond the wall? Thank me later, Brienne!

Daenerys Targaryen
Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name… Right seriously, no one gives a shit Dany. That’s the fourth time we’ve heard that today.
But anyway, on a different note, it’s clear that Miss Universe Westeros isn’t as confident as her demeanour suggests. Aside from talking way too much, it’s safe to say that our white-haired dragon goddess has some serious anger issues. Fair enough she’s upset about one of her dragon-babies getting caught up in the Night King’s Javelin practice, but she can’t just burn everyone alive when times get hard. She needs to chill and get laid, so we therefore recommend Happy ending massage for our fiery little fox. They are sensual, relaxing and mega pleasurable- not to mention the fact they’re mega naughty (we all know Dany is a bit of a kinky bitch). She will feel like a new woman afterwards, and it’ll definitely get her pumped for eight inches of Snow. We don’t mean the winter either…

The Night King
Is it just me, or is everyone really hatin’ on the Night King? He’s rounded up a few of his mates for a lad’s summer holiday beyond the wall, and everyone seems to be kicking off about it. No one likes an exchange student, but maybe it’s just the Night King’s icy décor that him so hateable?! The Night King looks eternally grumpy, but that is understandable. At the end of the day, all he has is the company of some banter-less dead beats, with no White-Walker-Worldies in sight. The guy needs some action, ASAP- so let’s give him a Nuru massage and shove some boobs in his face. I’d love to see him resist cracking a smile during that! He might look fucking demonic on the outside, but he’s clearly a softie deep down. Have you ever considered that maybe he’s just a little traumatised after being stabbed in the heart by those leafy bitches, and is just in search of some sympathy? At the end of the day, if his session gets too hot and steamy and he happens to melt, it’s a win, win for everyone!

Jorah Mormont
Poor Jorah. What has this guy got to do to catch a break with Dany? He has dedicated his life to her, and even cured himself of an incurable disease, all to be with her- and what does he get in return? He gets pied for her god damn nephew for Christ’s sakes. They guy literally has no chance. Naturally, Jorah is going to feel a bit down in the dumps when he finds out his Moon and Stars has made sweet, incestuous love to another bloke. What he needs right now is a good old pamper; something to cheer him up and lift his spirits. What Jorah needs is some TLC. So for you Jorah, we recommend Tantric massage. This arousing style of massage is perfect for our sweet Jorah, because it’ll give him a much needed ego boost and will give his skin a much needed moisturise. Jorah will rediscover his self-worth, and will emerge from that massage table a free man who has broken the chains of love. Well, that’s until he sees her at tea time and falls madly in love again. It was worth a try at least…

See, torturing and murdering a load of people isn’t the only way to let off some steam!

The rituals of sensual massage in London, UK

Heard about sensual massage yet? Visiting London? What could be more exciting than having a beautiful asian girl pleasure you in your hotel massage London room for a sensual massage? If you’d like to enjoy the sensual hands of one of our sexy ladies in the privacy of your own room we can cater to your needs. Many of our Asia Massage babes offer erotic massage, outcall massage services. So you can relax and enjoy the erotic pleasure of a massage without having to dress and leave at the end.

Our sensual masseuse will come to your hotel room and perform a relaxing full body massage, sensual massage with a mind blowing happy ending. Leaving you to relax afterwards however you like. This private service is £120 per hour, plus return taxi fare. Feel free to contact us to arrange one of these special outcall massage visits, and be pampered in the privacy of your own room. Our therapy is just like a magic spell, you can’t explain the sensations… You can only experience them.

Sensual Spiritual Bond

The Direct contact of skins during the sensual massage session creates a spiritual bond between you and the masseuse. In the sensual massage, the sensations will indeed be a surprise, in turn amplifying the entire experience.

Our sensual massage ritual will lead you towards a state of sensual enlightenment. Gentle movements of the massage session create a sensation of internal joy and serene happiness in a world where a gentle touch possesses us, invades us, fulfills us and recognizes the deepest part of our being.

Our masseuse will perform the most erotic, sensual massage teasing you with scented oils, while gently stimulating your whole body. Leading to intense sensations and multiple long erotic tingles leaving you in a state of complete peace.

With all the benefits you can reap, the fact that sensual massage therapy is very popular amongst our clients is no surprise at all. Book your sensual massage session today and give in to a world where your senses come alive. Experience just how amazing these massage treatments will be for you! Especially when they’re performed by our beautiful, skilled massage therapists. Therapists who focus entirely on providing you with the ultimate pleasure.

If you’re interested in experiencing the most amazing outcall sensual massage you’ve ever had, then you’ve come to the right place. Oriental Tantric Hotel Massage is an Asia-based massage service that specialises in sensual, tantra, nuru, body to body, happy ending and other forms of erotic massages.

Are you aware massage therapy could be excellent medicine?

Massage therapy is good medicine – If doctors knew the true causes of health and healing, they’d be prescribing massage therapy to most of their patients rather than prescription drugs. Massage therapy is good medicine, and it’s a far more potent healing therapy than most people realize. In fact, I believe that every person, healthy or otherwise, should receive a this treatment at least once a month.

Why is massage therapy such good medicine?

It is such a good medicine because it helps move lymph, blood and oxygen to the various organs and tissues in ways that normally don’t happen in the bodies of most people. This is especially true for those who don’t exercise: for them, massage therapy is critical for maintaining any degree of health.

There’s also the “touch factor” of massage therapy that I believe to be remarkably healing. There’s something almost magical about the human touch, and its qualities can’t be measured with scientific instruments (yet), but researchers know very well that it has powerful physiological effects: touch calms people. It reduces blood pressure, it boost immune system function, and it makes people feel loved. These are very important for those seeking health and healing. (And if you don’t believe me, just volunteer at a nursing home some time and offer free hand massages to the patients. I’ve done this, and you’d be amazed to see the different it makes in the people you’re touching.)

The human touch is powerful medicine, which is why I find it so bizarre that doctors seem so afraid of touching their patients. But you don’t need a doctor for this kind of healing: find yourself a good massage therapist and get some healing on a monthly basis.

Immediate Relief with Massage – If you suffer from aches, pains, or stiffness, you might assume you have two options: spend a fortune on a massage therapist or just live with it. But there’s a third option to achieve immediate relief with massage: self-massage. Foam rollers, lacrosse balls, tennis balls, sticks — they’re all cheap, convenient, simple to use, and incredibly effective. Use them for just ten minutes daily, and you can reduce muscle pain and tension while increasing your flexibility.

Self-massage tools increase blood circulation and smooth out “knots” in your muscles and connective tissues caused by dehydration, overuse, and injury. When these adhesions go untreated, the tighter the surrounding muscle becomes and the more pain you feel. Here are six ways self-massage can help.

If you’ve never experienced lower back pain, you’re one of the lucky few. The lower back is a prime target area for pain because the spine, made up of 33 small bones called vertebrae, must carry the weight of your whole body. Lifting weights, running, jumping, and chronic sitting all place stress on the lower back.

One highly effective way to reduce lower back pain is to massage the quadratus lumborum (a back muscle) and the erector spinae (muscles running along the outside of the vertebrae) with a small, dense ball like a lacrosse ball.

Do you slouch at a desk all day?

Do you slouch at a desk all day? Do you feel stressed out and overwhelmed? If so, you’re a prime candidate for throbbing tension headaches. Tension headaches are often caused by muscle contractions in the head and neck. They can be relieved by kneading the upper trapezius muscle (located near your neck and shoulder) with a massage stick.

Why do you need stronger, more flexible hips? Well, if you’re a runner, you’ll run faster. A cyclist, you’ll pedal with more power. If you lift weights, you’ll lift heavier. If you don’t do a lick of exercise, you’ll be able to bend over to pick up a dropped pen without groaning.

Plus, if your hips can move every which way, you’re less prone to injury and better able to perform basic movements like squatting and bending. Yet most of us have limited hip mobility and flexibility. That’s because our quadriceps (upper thigh) muscles are tight; so are our iliotibial (IT) bands, the bands of connective tissue that run along the outside of the upper thigh. Foam rolling the quads and IT bands will loosen up this tissue.

Massaging the soles of your feet with a tennis ball can remove adhesions in the plantar fascia that can’t be stretched out. It also sends blood flow to your feet, warming up your foot muscles for additional exercises you may do.