We Went Ahead and Wrote the Alanis Morissette Jagged Little Pill Musical

One of the biggest albums of the '90s alt-rock scene, Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill, is coming to the Broadway stage.

In the latest sign that Gen X culture has gone totally mainstream, Morissette announced on Friday that she would be turning her landmark 1995 LP into a Broadway musical, debuting in workshops some time in 2014. The concept is similar to other "jukebox musicals" based on hit tunes by diverse acts such as The Beatles, Billy Joel and Green Day among others. The difference? Morissette's anthemic tunes were mainly about being an angry grrrl with a lot of bad boyfriend baggage.

"I look forward to taking the heart of Jagged Little Pill and expanding its story, fleshing it out into ever deeper layers of emotionality, specificity, humanity, power, physicality, spirit and fabulism," Morissette said in a statement.

The show, also titled Jagged Little Pill, will reportedly feature all of the album's 13 tracks, as well as songs from Morissette's later albums and new songs written specifically for the show. Tom Kitt, who composed American Idiot with Green Day, will help Morissette with the composition and arrangements. Little else is known about the show at this early date, which allows us the ultimate opportunity to indulge in a favorite pastime – you oughta know – writing it ourselves.

ACT I: JAGGED LITTLE PILL

SCENE 1: HAND IN MY POCKET

Meet Glynnis Lafayette, a young, rebellious musician living the wild life north of the border. Her unconventional style rattles the fakes and phonies of her small town, but she refuses to let them define her. Glynnis instinctively knows that everything is going to be fine, fine, fine.

SCENE 2: IRONIC

At a party, our heroine meets Dan Cavalier, an older comedian fresh off a successful stint in Hollywood. He makes an instant impression by correcting her hyperbolic usage of the word "ironic." Glynnis is smitten, even after she meets his (beautiful) wife. He is likewise captivated by her youth and charm. They begin a messy, ultimately doomed affair.

SCENE 3: YOU OUGHTA KNOW

For a time, Dan lies and emotionally manipulates Glynnis to keep her happy. Eventually, she comes to suspect his true nature and confronts him. He swears he will run away with her if she gives him the chance. Glynnis relents, only to see him go right back to his wife.
A (young) woman scorned, Act I ends with an emotional outburst as Glynnis publicly reveals Dan’s "supposed crime" while performing at the local coffee shop.

INTERMISSION

ACT II: SUPPOSED FORMER INFATUATION JUNKIE

SCENE 1: UNINVITED

Heartbroken and alone, Glynnis feels more lost than ever before. She adds a "Dear Dan" letter to her growing pile of unsent ex-boyfriend correspondence-turned-vengeful-songs and orders a chai latte to help drown away her sorrows. Bryan Breynolds, a local barista and aspiring actor, tends to her hot beverage needs. He is handsome and kind-hearted, but she is still too damaged. She brushes off his attentions and suffers from musical writer’s block.

SCENE 2: HEAD OVER FEET

Bryan is persistent, and Glynnis’s icy exterior towards men begins to melt. Our warbling Canadian songbird is surprised to find herself so happy with this sweet new boyfr… er, best friend with benefits. She writes a love ballad for him, which he finds, and they begin a hesitating romantic duet.

SCENE 3: HANDS CLEAN

One night while Glynnis is biting off more scone than she can chew, Dan walks into the coffee shop – with a new young lady friend. Glynnis is upset, but refuses to let the anger overpower her again. However, Bryan learns of the affair, and a rift grows between our lovebirds. Disappointed by his double standards, Glynnis breaks things off.

SCENE 4: YOU LEARN

Glynnis muses on her fate: She's dated a bad man, and a good one, and each relationship ended the exact same way. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, she thinks ("Reprise: Ironic"). Still, Glynnis resolves to soldier on in the face of heartbreak and focus on her music – solo once more.

SCENE 5: THANK YOU

The musical ends with Glynnis choosing female empowerment and career fulfillment over relationship drama. She leaves Canada behind, seeking to find herself and inner peace abroad in India. Glynnis envisions herself as a prophetess whose influence will inspire confessional young women like Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift one day.