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17/01/2015

I was getting ready to go out for some tea last night and, after much deliberating about what to wear, decided on my skinny jeans and a nice knitted jumper. Every girl will know that the first wear of the skinny jeans when they've come out of the wash is not the most comfortable, and the 'skinny jeans dance' is needed to wriggle them on, but this was something else.

I wriggled, I jumped, I pulled and I swore and, after they were on and fastened, I realised I probably wouldn't be able to sit down without my muffin top cascading over the top.

Dammit. Here it is, I've arrived. The comfortable stage.

During my many years living in Singletown I struggled to comprehend how people got too 'comfortable' - I couldn't understand how you could put on a bit of weight and let yourself go that little bit when suddenly someone was going to be seeing you naked all the time. To me, surely that's the time you should be eating healthier and spending more time in the gym?

Well, apparently not. Granted we have just had Christmas so a bit of post-Turkey podge is expected, but it wasn't just the tight nature of my, now, super skinny jeans that made me realise we've arrived in comfortable city...

1. All inhibitions have gone, it would seem.
Conversations of topic over breakfast, and any other meal for that, are not limited. Tom is quite happy to talk about poo as I tuck into my Weetabix and doesn't shy away from a graphic story while we eat tea. But then again, neither do I. Last weekend I got some pretty nasty blisters after our walk and took great pleasure in describing them and whacking them out as we tucked into our casserole. Isn't he lucky to have me?!

2. Locks on the bathroom doors are just irrelevant until we have other people round.
In fact, most of the time the doors might as well not even bother being there.

3. Shaving is not such a pressing need.
I don't care, he doesn't care. I only have to shave now if I want to and, let's be honest, the last thing you want to be doing in the cold, winter months is spending an age shaving off the fluff that keeps your legs warm.

4. Period talk is not a shock.
It was met with some objections at first but, when he realised I wasn't going to stop bringing it up, he gave in. He does know when is appropriate to broach the subject, though. Never has he (and will he, if he knows what's good for him) said: "Jesus, are you on your period or something?!" - that would open a whole can of worms. No, it's more a case of do not speak about it unless spoken to.

5. You pop each other's spots and pluck stray hairs.
I was so not down for this one when Tom decided to surprise me by popping a spot on my back one morning. A few expletives were heard echoing around our house and I developed a few new names for him. But, after I realised I liked plucking his hairs, I learnt that I couldn't do that without letting him have a go on my spots. Wow, we are actually disgusting.

6. Farting becomes as normal as breathing.
There's no need to even do the whole 'oh my god, did you just fart?!' - it's just accepted, dealt with and moved on from straight away. The 'girls don't fart' myth is a distant memory.

7. You can pretty much just order for each other in a restaurant.
Predictability isn't always a bad thing.

8. You start to dress the same.
And not intentionally, which is even scarier. The other day me and Tom both went to work in matching outfits - and we didn't even realise until our friend pointed it out! I was in a nice plum, midi skirt while Tom was sporting an equally lovely plum jumper.

9. Underwear has lost all erotic significance.
It's hardly ever paid attention to and acknowledging it is just a means to an end. Matching underwear is only for really, really special occasions and, even then, is probably not even noticed.

10. You start using your pet names for each other in the company of others.
It's not just a nickname any more, it's etched on your brain and deemed appropriate to call him in front of other people.

11. You are quite happy just sitting there, not talking, each scrolling through your Facebook and Instagram feeds.
There's no such thing as an awkward silence any more. In fact, sometimes you actually enjoy the times you can sit there in complete silence together.

12. Weight gain is only an issue to you.
The whole reason that made me look at how comfortable we are - but it's only an issue to me. Let's face it, if my jeans hadn't been a bit snug yesterday I wouldn't have even noticed anything different. And if I haven't noticed, I highly doubt Tom would have.