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September 03, 2015

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Hello, and welcome to Good God.
I'm God, and this is my show.
Today's show is bought to you by ants.
Ants, they're tiny. They build colonies.
They're fascinating. Check them out.
And today's special guest on our show,
the great one, I love this guy,
Steve Jobs. Hello Steve
Hello.
Great to have you in Heaven.
Great to have you on the show.
Great to be here God.
We're here together, because they're
about to unveil some new Apple products,
and we're both into Apple products, you know.
I think they're really funny. Steve, you know, you
made a lot of them, so...
I made a lot of them. Apple really is my baby.
So Steve, what do you really think about the
iPhone since you left...died, came up here,
moved, whatever you want to say,
is it going to be a success, 7? Who knows right?
I think it's going to be a success. That would be
my guess. I'm very excited about it.
Do you have an iPhone?
( boop )
Look at that.
Yeah, I got one right here.
Oh, do you like it? How do you feel
when you're using it?
I think this things are so funny--
What do you mean funny? I don't know
what's funny about these.
People are staring at them all the time.
They are running into things, and not looking up.
So you're just laughing at everyone using them?
I'm not laughing at them. Hopefully
I'm laughing with them.
I don't know if anyone's laughing.
I can see right now that at least
thousand people are laughing.
At the iPhone?
Yep. It's just because iPhone's are funny.
One of them has a two headed donkey--
There's a person with a two headed
donkey laughing at the concept
of the iPhone right now?
Yeah, this guy is great. He just gets it.
Do you like me?
Yeah, I like you a lot.
I love that you wear the same
thing all the time.
I think that's great.
Bill Gates sucks right?
No, Bill Gates is great. You hate Bill Gates?
How many iPhones would it take
to make sure that Bill Gates
goes to hell? All the new ones
whatever they're going to be--
Steve, if you're in heaven right
now, and you're trying to bribe
me with iPhones to try to get
another human being into hell,
that is almost cause for you to go to hell.
It's not a bribe.
This is an interface
that we're talking about.
An interface between me and you,
that's very simple to use,
it's very elegant, where I give
you whatever Apple products you want
and Bill Gates goes to hell.
You're talking about a bribe as
an interface--
I'll give you 1000--
A thousand is all you said?
You think that you could
bribe me to send Bill Gates to
hell for a 1000 iPhones?
That's right. And Bill Gates
has to be in hell forever.
Oh my God.
Do we have a deal?
No we don't have a deal.
No.
You want the Apple Watch don't you?
I love it. I think they did a great job
with the Apple Watch.
Wow, that's surprising. I actually thought
you were going to talk some major
poop about Tim Cook, and his iWatch--
Are you saying that, because Tim Cook is gay?
And you're a homophobe?
Whoa, Steve. What? No.
Tim Cook is gay? It's impossible
for me to be a homophobe,
because I accept all, and love all.
That's not what your book says.
That book has so many weird things in it.
There's a part in that book where
two girls get their dad drunk,
and have sex with him to make babies, okay.
Do you think I signed off on that?
But you just let people just make that book,
and say you wrote it?
People can make whatever they want. It's
free will.
A lot of people say they did stuff, because
I told them, and I didn't say anything.
I never say that. I never say that you
told me to do anything. It was
all my idea.
Everything in Apple, none of it had
to do with you.
It all had to do with me. I'm
the creator.
That's not true though, you know.
I'm the creator.
I'm the creator.
Well, Steve, thanks for coming
on the show.
I don't think we talked very
much at all about what's going to
be unveiled, but that's okay.
Do you have any last words
of wisdom for the people out there?
Remember me, always, at every
moment of the day.
I'm the creator.
Okay, great. That's not wisdom at all.
That's really just a desire to be remembered,
but that's fine. We all have that.
I guess even I have that, and I'm God.
And once again today's show
was brought to you by ants.
Ants are tiny. There's fire ants.
There's tree cut ants.
There's all types of ants.
It's wonderful.
Check them out.
And have a fantastic day,
a fantastic night, and a
fantastic existence.
God out!