A Letter from a Fat Girl to my Young Friend

I see you looking at yourself in the mirror and hating the reflection you see.

I hear the words that are spinning out of control inside your head telling you that you are not good enough.

I can feel your heart breaking as loneliness consumes you.

I can taste your tears as they roll down your cheeks and touch your lips.

I can smell your fear when you walk into school bracing yourself for another day of murmurs and judgments from the kids around you.

I see and hear and taste and smell and feel all of these things and it makes me so angry. And heartbroken. And I just want to hug you and tell you that you are going to be just fine.

I also want to tell you right now that your senses are wrong. They are liars and they are not telling you the truth. Mirrors and stupid kids don’t know who you are and as such, they do not matter. You can not be described and understood through a reflection. Stop believing that.

How do I know this? Because I am you.

I was and still am the fat girl looking in the mirror.

I’ve doubted myself and felt like everyone hated me because of what I looked like.

I heard the names and the ignorant comments and I still hear them today.

I’ve been excluded from things because I didn’t quite fit in with my “friends” idea of what I should look like or how I should behave.

I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough based solely on the person I saw when I looked in the mirror.

I SO get where you are but I want to give you hope because it does get better. This is YOUR story, it doesn’t belong to anyone else so stop letting them write the chapters.

When you look in the mirror, you need to look past the reflection and look into your heart.

Who are you? What makes you great? What kind of friend are you? What kind of daughter? What kind of sister? What are your beliefs? What makes you laugh? What makes you happy? What are you good at? What brings you joy? How do you help others? What difference are you making in the world?

These are the things that matters. These are the things that make you who you are and they are the things that will draw people to you AND make them want to stay. These are the things that will help you feel your strength and know your worth. These are the things that will give you confidence and help you feel safe. These are the things that will help you change the world.

Your reflection in the mirror can’t do ANY of that.

If your friends aren’t supportive of you and love you no matter what, they are NOT your friends. If they talk behind your back and call you names, they are not your friends. If they tease you and/or don’t invite you to their events, they are not your friends. Frankly, you’re better off alone than being surrounded by fake, sad people. Don’t ever forget that.

If you can’t shop for clothes in the same stores as your friends, go to a different store. Who cares where your clothes come from, just put something on. If you can’t keep up with your friends in phys ed class, and that gives everyone a good laugh, oh well. They’re pointing out your weakness to make themselves look better, how sad it that? Try your best, that is what makes you great.

If boys don’t seem to like you, hang on, it will happen. Boys like hips and boobs, they’ll find you, I promise. Good thing is, they also like strong and confident women just as much, if not more, so work on becoming that. Boobs fall, bellies get round, and butts start to jiggle. Confidence and strength are forever, FIND THOSE and forget about the perfect reflection, cause Bah, that does not matter. WHO YOU ARE will always be more important and memorable than what you look like.

Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you because I can most definitely guarantee you that you don’t know all that’s going on with your friends. We all hide our crap and pretend to be perfect when more often than not, we’re all struggling and kicking our feet to stay above water. What you see is almost never true. Your perfect friends are hating what they see in their mirrors as well, you are so not alone in your journey. Don’t wish you were them, because you may not like the life that wish brings you.

Size 2 or Size 22, our greatness come from within. People will remember what you DID long after they forget what you look like.

So, the next time you look in mirror and you hear the nonsense creeping back in, turn your eyes and look my way instead because I SEE YOU. I see the girl that I once was and I know how freaking amazing you are. I found myself buried deep within this fluffy shell and I know you can too. Please look for that girl and let her out. The world really, really wants to meet her.

4 thoughts on “A Letter from a Fat Girl to my Young Friend”

I’m totally saving this one for when my daughter hits the teenage years. I think we all could have benefited so much by hearing this message, despite what our clothing size was, as girls in high school. Thanks for putting it in the perfect words!

This is SO good, April!!! You have such an amazing way with words!!! Every young girl should read this; not just the ‘fluffy’ ones!!! You seriously should write a book!!! I’m not kidding, you really should!!! I’d be the first one in line to read it!!