You say: "Cool, I was just folding my laundry and trying to figure out Lost. Anyway, you want to go to the movies or see a show on Friday?"

The problem: She can't be expected to turn attention away from her friends and make plans just because you happened to call. Hear a lot of noise in the background or have a bad connection? Ask if there's a better time to call.

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Bag the Bragging

She says: "I'm really looking forward to the summer."

You say: "That's funny, because I was talking to buddies from Princeton over the weekend about a trip . . . "

The problem: Gratuitously mentioning status-related details (alma mater/car/summer house) comes off as insecure and bragging, two qualities that don't exactly win over the ladies. Letting her stumble across your secrets (or coax them out in more personal moments) shows confidence, says Ann Demarais, Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of First Impressions. When she mentions summer, ask what she's most looking forward to . . . and more conversation will ensue. Questions show interest, a quality with melting power.

Find Common Ground

She says: "Yeah, I love music. I saw U2 last year. They were great."

You say: "Bono is such a tool. The only thing worse than his music is the windshield-sized sunglasses."

The problem: The point of banter is to find commonalities -- people don't want their opinions dissed. Stuck on a mismatch? Be positive and creative, and show humor -- the first things you say will be the filter she sees you through, Demarais says.

Better banter: "I missed U2, but I did catch Springsteen."

She says: "I've never been that into him, but I loved Bruce's cameo in High Fidelity."

You say: "That was cool. I'm a big Nick Hornby fan."

She says: "Oh my god. I love his stuff." (And that's how Bono can bring people together.)

Speak In Sound Bites

She says: "I teach high-school social studies. There's never a boring day at that place."

You say: "You know, I was reading an article in the Times about education policy, and . . . "

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The problem: Sounds like a lecture is coming. Bad move. Keep the back-and-forth banter flowing by speaking in short sound bites -- any less, you're boring; any more, you run the risk of seeming like a bore, says Robyn Landow, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City. Stay light on details and throw in compliments when possible. "I hear working with teenagers is difficult. How do you do it?" picks out something that matters to her -- always a powerful aphrodisiac -- while also moving along the conversation with a question, you suave devil.

The Medium: Voice Mail

You say: "Hey, it's me. Um, I'm just having some dinner and then chilling, so if you want to, um, talk, I should be around. So hopefully we'll talk soon. . . . Oh, yeah, I just rented Closer. You were right. It's good. . . . That's it, I guess. Bye."

The problem: You were rambling and indecisive. The purpose of voice mail is to make a point clearly and decisively. Go for brevity with a positive tone, says Demarais.

Better banter: "I had a great time on Thursday. I'd love to see you again. I was calling to see if you want to have dinner on Friday. Give me a call when you get this message and let me know what you think." Always be prepared to leave a direct, simple message when you call. Let her know you'd like to make plans, and tell -- don't ask -- her to call you back. "Nine times out of 10, if she has even a passing interest, she'll call," says Eve Marx, author of Flirtspeak. "Her subconscious is hardwired to respond to simple instructions."

The Medium: Texting

She writes: "How ya doin'?"

You respond: "Okay."

The problem: She's hoping you've been thinking about her. You're saying that you haven't, says Landow. If you actually care, try "Doing well. Great to hear from you. Will definitely call tonight." Her read: She made your day. There's a future.

You write: "Can't chat right now -- I talk to you too much anyway."

The problem: Sarcasm rarely translates between screens. "It's nearly impossible to convey nuance with 155 characters," says Regina Lynn, author of Sexual Revolution 2.0. Be clear now so you don't have to explain later.

She writes: "Whatcha doin?"

You respond: "Out w/friends."

The problem: Vagueness signals secrets, Landow says. Texting "At the Burger Shack with buds. Looking forward to tomorrow" will keep her anticipation high and her phone in one piece.

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