And thus, the winner of “The Happiness Advantage” is none other than…

Okay. Here goes. The Reader’s Digest version of a blind date with a Miserable Bastard (MB) that ended up in a marriage proposal from hell.

The MB in question was a pompous ass lawyer. My friend set me up with him. I immediately began questioning my judgement in friends. During our first date all he could about was talk about:

1. himself
2. how much he hated the town we lived in (my home town, his new town)
3. his former girl friend who was of Nordic descent (I’ll call her Icelandic Dream Girl)

I thought it was a “one and done” kind of an evening, but he wanted to see me again for dinner, not just drinks, explaining that he only asked women out on first date for drinks because he didn’t want to waste his time and money for a whole “dinner thing” if the woman wasn’t his type. Charming, huh?

I accepted his dinner invitation. Why?

Because I was:
1. drinking heavily at the time
2. lonely
3. drinking heavily at the time
4. had low self-esteem
5. drinking heavily at the time
6. didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone

We dated for several months, during which time he berated me every chance he got, which was a lot. He even forced himself on me (like in rape) and blamed me for not liking it, which I apologized for due to (see above list).

After the rape thing, I kind of knew he wasn’t the MB for me. I tried to avoid him by making excuses not to see him. Clever MB must have figured out what I was up to. Icelandic Dream Girl must have pulled something similar.

In a moment of weakness (see above list), I agreed to go with him on an outside adventure. I’m not the outdoorsey type. He fancied himself an Olympian in canoeing. Out we went onto an angry lake in a yellow death trap. I sat on the floor of the canoe which was swamped due waves cresting over the sides, my hands were claws gripping the edges of the damn boat/likely casket. I thought his plan was to drown me. Imagine my surprise when he proposed marriage to me. I told him I had to think about it, wanting to be on terra firma when I told him to screw himself. Which I did.

The end.

Congratulations, Lorna! I’ll be in touch to award your prize. And a martini.

Any new run-ins with miserable bastards? Um, any plans for spring? Talk to me. I love you.

Recently, as part of a huge work conference I coordinated (okay, helped coordinate), we booked an external guest speaker. A guy named Shawn Achor.

I may have geeked out a little.

Apart from having a viral TedTalk, Shawn is a New York Times bestselling author who’s even caught God’s Oprah’s attention. (If you do one thing today besides pretending to work, I hope it’s clicking that link.)

Why’s he so popular? Well, he’s super cute he studies happiness, for starters. And who isn’t obsessed with happiness but the most stressed out, miserable population since 1936 (I may have made that last part up)?

Shawn grew up in Texas, all set to become a firefighter, when he got accepted into Harvard on a full scholarship. As he tells it, no one was more surprised than him. He got to campus in awe, but eventually depression snuck up and bit him in the smart, adorable tuckus. Though he struggled, Shawn ultimately succeeded, and was even invited to stay on board as a resident adviser after graduation.

Over time, he noticed a glaring trend: He wasn’t alone. Every year, within a couple of short months, a huge percentage of freshman went from exulting in their good fortune to lamenting their overwhelming workloads. Gone was the excitement and gratitude they felt when they first got to Harvard; in swooped a laser-focus on stress and perfection.

What was happening to these kids? And why? And most importantly, could it be helped?

Through some truly fascinating and entertaining research, Shawn discovered -and forgive the cliche as I oversimplify- that happiness comes from within.

Or you could just wait for your friend to give you a lucky bamboo. (DUDE. THIS THING WORKS.)

How many of us tell ourselves, “When I get that promotion, I’ll be happy”? Or, “When I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be happy”? Or my personal favorite, “When bacon goes on sale again, I’ll be happy”? When we constantly define success as a goal that lies ahead of us, we never feel truly satisfied.

The good news is: There’s something we can do about it. And we can do it now. In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn outlines simple Happiness Habits we can all adopt to reverse our negative thought patterns. By putting some of these practices to use, in 21 short days, you’ll report improved levels of happiness in just about every aspect of your life.

If that’s not convincing? Wait’ll you read about how companies embracing positivity are hiring. They’re not wasting their money. They have proof: Optimism yields results, and staggering ones at that.

Shawn does not like this book cover. I know this because we’re best friends.

Wow, I just really, really can’t imagine a world without avocados. I mean… why bother? With even one more day?

No, no. I’m not giving away Rache. Nice try. She’s mine.

I saw her on Monday (we have totally taken our friendship to the next level), and you canshould must check out the rest of our adventure on her fabulous blog.

She gave me a fantastic Christmas present (see? Next. Level). “The kind of gift,” I told her, “that makes every day better!”

Booya.

Those are custom ‘stache glasses tile coasters! Yes! Handmade just for Go Jules Go! For when I put down my vodka / champagne / beer! Well, ha ha, I’m sure I can find another use for them!

I “mustache” you to admire these coasters.

Rachel explained that she worked with Julie Maida, a talented artist out of Fredericksburg, VA, to make these coasters. Julie owns the best first name evermaidasomeart, and specializes in wedding gifts and nursery art. She describes her work as “affordable, (mostly) utilitarian art.”

I took one look (okay, lots of looks) at my new coasters and thought, “Wouldn’t it be amazeballs to give away something like this on my blog?” I contacted Julie and here we are!

The Prize

Custom artwork from Julie Maida (value: up to $40 US incl. S/H). That’s right! Work with Julie to design something that’s allll you, baby. Coasters, wine charms, jewelry, wall art, bowls, sculpture, trivets, etc. Once you decide what you want, Julie will work her magic and then ship your prize to you!

How to Win

Tell me, in the comments section below (or email me), a favorite “drunk person” story – you don’t have to be the drunkard. If you are, it’s okay, because you have a chance to class it up with some custom art.

Mine involves a couple of unruly chipmunks who stole the key to the liquor cabinet. Obviously.

Deadline

12 NOON EST, Wednesday, January 30th.

I’ll announce the winner on Friday, February 1st, 6am EST.

Thanks, Julie and Rache!!!! (I’m sorry. That fourth exclamation point was uncalled for.)

Last Thursday, I asked you to submit a comment describing a sibling rivalry or ridiculous parental rule, and of course, you didn’t disappoint.

It’d make sense for me to now tell you some memorable sibling rivalry stories, but who wants to hear about the time I crushed my brother’s finger in the sliding door of Babs’ van, or when he sent me to the ER by hurling a baseball cap at my face and scratching my retina? I’m sure you don’t want to see the scars my sister has from both of us. Nah!

It’s time to announce the winner! This lucky guy or gal ‘munk gets a free 11 x 16-inch canvas print from Printcopia.

A print like the one I just gave my sis for her birthday:

Wait, you’re probably thinking, what’s going on in that picture?

Oh, well, thank you for asking.

Babs asked Peppermeister and I to leave Uncle Jesse at home on Saturday for my sister’s birthday celebration, because my niece would be there and she’s allergic to dogs.

An abomination!

Obviously, we couldn’t have him missing out on the festivities.

Isn’t he so cute? That pic is life-size, too, because he’s a li’l nugget. Wait…what were we doing again?

Oh right – the winner of the canvas print!

In typical blonde fashion, I forgot to find out if I could award the prize to non-U.S. residents, so I’ve selected a winner and a runner-up. If the winner can’t cash in on the canvas print, I’ll personally send them Sun-Staches ‘stache glasses instead, and the runner-up will receive the canvas print. Otherwise, the runner-up will receive the ‘stache glasses.

The Winner

asoulwalker!

I like the way you operate, my friend. And might I suggest your long-awaited revenge include a bag ‘o back hair?

This month is EXTRA chipmunkalicious, because Sun-Staches sent me ‘stache glasses to give away for free! That’s how awesome you are!

They’re just…they’re just so…I can’t even…

To win a pair of Sun-Staches glasses, tell me in the comments section below about the funniest way to quit a job. What would you say? How would you make your grand exit? Whether or not you’re a disgruntled employee, I encourage you to go all out, and use some part of a current or previous job as inspiration. Extra points for puns and creative use of office supplies.

I’ll choose a favorite and announce it on Monday, October 1, 2012. The winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses from the below and I’ll have them shipped faster than you can say, “Does polygamy really only apply to multiple wives? Because I’ve looked this up and frankly it’s unclear. And, P.S., polyandry is not nearly as fun to say.”

Nicki’s the first person to let me pick a pair for her. Annnnd probably the last. But seriously. They’re beautiful.

Deadline: Midnight EST, Friday, September 28, 2012.

Print that’s way less fun than this video (thanks, Darla!): This giveaway is open to anyone who’s willing to enter and provide their mailing address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a comment in the comments section below, you can enter via email: Julie(dot)Davidoski(at)yahoo(dot)com. One submission per person.

The Winner Is Winners Are…

When I was leaving my job to run away with my husband, they threw a little farewell party for me for my last day. One of the board members I barely knew shook my hand and said, “Nicole, just remember you’ll always be welcomed back here, should your husband hit you for any reason.”

By the way, if you’re not reading Nicole’s blog, you’re seriously missing out. Even the WordPress Editors recommend her blog on their short list, and for good reason. She makes absolutely amazing, handcrafted comics.

To win fame and fortuneSun-Staches glasses like these, tell me in the comments section below about a conversation bomb you’ve witnessed. I’m talking about those conversation-stoppers that leave everyone scratching their heads, unsure whether to laugh or cry. (If you’d like some examples, why, allow me: Click here or here.)

I’ll choose a favorite and make their wildest dreams come true on Monday, September 3, 2012. This winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses (by browsing here), and I’ll have them shipped as a gift, from my guilty pleasure-full heart to theirs.

Click this fine piece of chipmunk tail and you’ll be rewarded with an Alexha Sun-Staches bikini pic. You’re welcome.

Deadline: Midnight EST, Friday, August 31, 2012.

Print that’s way less fun than talking bears: This giveaway is open to anyone who is willing and able to enter, and to email me their address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a comment in the comments section below, you can enter via email: Julie(dot)Davidoski(at)yahoo(dot)com. One submission per person.

Which means the winner of the July ‘stache glasses giveaway is…

Chimidongha’s (a.k.a. AlexhA’s) Entry:

After thinking about this long and hard, and assuming that Dumbledore is out of the question, I’d have to go with Napoleon. No, not Dynamite– Bonaparte!

First of all, with a name like Bone-a-party, it’s pretty much implied that you’re going to have an amazing time hanging out with this guy. Second, he was already exiled to an island, so surely he must know his way around it. Third, he was pretty much the Capt. James Kirk equivalent of the French army, which tells me two things: 1) he will have no problem protecting me from rabid monkeys, acid rain, fireballs, or whatever else Katniss and Peeta faced and 2) he is allegedly chivalrous. And no lady can resist a man in uniform. Lastly, he’s French. And if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that the French worship wine. I’m an enologist at a French-style winery in Napa (nbd). By the transitive property, he will thus worship me.

I’m not sure what all that “hand under the shirt” business is, but I’m going to venture a guess and say it’s the ancestor of the now-abundant “weird angle in a dirty mirror” type Myspace photo, so… 200 years ago, I’m sure this would’ve gotten my ovaries quivering.

For the record, Dumbledore would have been both acceptable and wonderful, though with speaker7 planning to bring Voldemort to her island, things could have gotten ugly.

Alexha, not only do you get the coolest fashion accessory since slap bracelets, you get to see how your deserted island adventure unfolds (and please forgive the liberal use of your beautiful, and conveniently beach-y, gravatar image)…

If you’re interested, entering is as easy as falling in love with a second spouse:

In the comments section below, tell me what one famous person, dead or alive, you’d like trapped on a deserted island with you (and why).

I’ll choose a favorite and make their wildest dreams come true on Friday, July 20, 2012. This winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses (by browsing here), and I’ll have them shipped as a gift, from my guilty pleasure-full heart to theirs.

“I am now happily communing with the chipmunks! Sometimes it helps to go incognito. All the chirping and twitching can make me feel a little NUTS.”

I know. She’s great.

Deadline: 12pm noon EST, Thursday, July 19, 2012.

Print that’s as fine as some people think Channing Tatum is, but, really? What kind of relationship could you possibly have? Especially if he’s at the gym all day? And can he play the guitar or sing? I don’t think so! Get off my deserted island, Abs McIsActingReallyYourCalling! (Please refer to Second Husband and his nerdy tweets to understand my trapped-on-a-deserted-island tastes.)

Oh right, the Fine Print: This giveaway is open to anyone who is willing and able to enter, and to email me their address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a comment in the comments section below, you can enter via email: Julie(dot)Davidoski(at)yahoo(dot)com. One submission per person.

As a reminder, I am no way affiliated with this company (SunStaches). I’m just a giveaway junkie. Hey now. You just leave the judging to me.