Divorce is a highly emotional event in a person’s life. It would be ideal if the parties could separate amicably, fairly and respectfully, especially if there are children involved. And in truth, about one third of couples actually have a friendly divorce where they comfortably share parenting.

But when a couple can’t resolve their differences in at least a business-like manner, it can become a costly war monetarily and emotionally. The effects can ripple out through the immediate family and intimate circles of friends into the community.

The narcissistic type of person who usually initiates a high conflict divorce has control issues. They can’t see beyond their own feelings and empathize with others. They’re right and everyone else is wrong. So any solution presented to them is greeted with criticism and negativity. Even if one party tries to empathize with the controlling person in an effort to create a win-win solution, this is just not possible.

Many with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder also control the resources, the money, community prestige, and perhaps even personal relationships with local authorities. They use these to exert undue pressure to get their own way. Generally, healthy people will quit the conflict when they see that they’re throwing away their money. On the other hand, those with narcissism will struggle to the death, trashing reputations and alienating the children from those who love them.

While it may be tempting to give in to avoid conflict, it’s not the best solution. The more ground you give, the more the narcissistic person demands. You must correct false statements about yourself; otherwise they may follow you throughout your life, possibly even creating future legal problems.

If you hate conflict, you need to consult with a professional to help you change the way you meekly respond to blame and criticism. The Court doesn’t have much time to form an opinion, so you must give them a true impression of yourself. If you’re a win-win type of person, you need help defending yourself against the attacks of the controlling person.

Anyone going through a life changing experience like a divorce should seek the support of an objective therapist, your church, and other support groups. If at all possible, work with a mediator to craft a good solution to your divorce. Be willing to compromise and to walk away with whatever you can get. Even if it seems like you’re losing, you get the freedom to start a new and much healthier life.

If you live near Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA please contact my office and schedule an appointment to gain the strength and support you need to walk into Court with confidence.