Heeeelllllp! Hhheeelllpp! Helllllllp! Another buddy movie! Another buddy movie where one buddy is black and the other is white! Another buddy movie where one buddy is black and the other is white, and everyone uses four letter words all the time!

I have this recurring nightmare in which I am watching Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte, Danny Glover and Mel Gibson, the Lone Ranger and Tonto, the Green Hornet and Kato, Siskel and Ebert - no that's another dream - Bill Cosby and Robert Culp, Tony Curtis and Sidney Poitier, and they're all yelling at each other: "Get me outta here!"

That's exactly the way I felt while watching Damon Wayans and Adam Sandler in "Bulletproof."

Wayans plays Jack Keats, an undercover cop who has partnered up with unsuspecting petty thief Archie Moses (Adam Sandler). They've become best friends and have been stealing cars together for a year or so when Moses offers Keats the chance to get in on a little more lucrative action. Moses has been raking it in on the side by working for a major drug lord who is a used car salesman by day called Frank Colton (James Caan). But the moment Moses introduces Keats to Colton, things go wrong. The cops bust up the drug operation, Moses discovers he's been set up and Keats gets shot in the head.

But Keats is a resilient guy and with the help of a beautiful physical therapist (Kristen Wilson), he gets back on his feet to go after Moses again, who is now in custody in another state and about to turn State's evidence.

Keats is angry because Moses shot him and Moses is angry because Keats betrayed him. While they are working all this out, Colton, who has an informant close to Keats, is sending assassins after the daring duo every step of the way.

Where to begin to diagnose this movie's illness? Wayans is a funny guy, but he has nothing funny to do here, owing to a truly vacant script by Joe Gayton ( "Uncommon Valor" ) and Lewis Colick ( "Unlawful Entry" ). The closest thing to humor here is school yard stuff. Keats says to another police officer with extremely dark skin, "Anybody ever tell you you look like a struck match?"

Sandler is a little less irritating than he was in "Billy Madison," but that isn't exactly a raving endorsement.

Ernest Dickerson began a distinguished career as cinematographer for John Sayles and Spike Lee. No matter how you feel about Lee's movies, at least they have interesting ideas at their cores. What a step up it must be for Dickerson to be out on his own now, directing junk.