I
am a fairly successful man. I don’t make bank like Wall Streeters
back in the day, but I haven’t been hungry since college.
My girlfriend is younger. We met when she was in grad school.
Like many recent grads, she’s not steadily employed. She’s
in debt, and driving an unsafe car. So I support her, house
her, feed her, and pay her bills (medical, etc.). She needed
to pay off her credit-card debt—28 percent interest rate!—so
she took work stripping and later as an escort. Through escorting
she was able to pay off her credit-card debt in a month.

Now some guys would find this distressing, but I found it
kind of hot. Here’s the thing: After she paid off her credit-card
debt, she stopped escorting. I’d like her to continue part-time
until she finds a career. She’s mixed on this. We would like
to buy a house and make things more permanent, but our income
isn’t enough to do that if she’s making waitress wages. I
guess it boils down to this: I would prefer to be with a sex
worker than a waitress. I’d rather she make $200/hour on her
back than $10/hour on her feet. She says she has issues with
sex work. What do you think?

—Perhaps
I’m Mildly Perverted

I
don’t think it’s up to me, PIMP, or you. And I would hope
that your girlfriend, who’s financially dependent on you at
the moment, doesn’t return to sex work because she feels coerced.

But I can certainly appreciate your point of view. There are
men out there who’re turned on by the idea of their girlfriends/wives
having sex with other men; some men are turned on by the idea
of their girlfriends/wives being paid for sex. You’re clearly
one of those guys. And you’re within your rights to share
this information with your girlfriend and to try to convince
her to return to sex work. Because your fantasies of sex work—of
her doing sex work—turn you on. And, again, that’s fine. But
you could make a more convincing case, PIMP, if you were better
acquainted with the realities of sex work.

You should start sucking off strange men for money.

You’ll have to service men, I’m afraid, as there’s not much
of a market for male prostitutes who service female clients.
While lots of men fantasize about being paid to have sex with
women, there’s a fatal supply-and-demand problem. Simply put:
There are just too many men out there willing to give it away
for free. That created a glut on the supply side, which has
distorted the market, as there’s more than enough free straight
cock out there to meet the needs of straight women.

So you’ll be giving head to dudes, PIMP. And after you’ve
choked down a few hundred loads, you can go back to the girlfriend
and say, “Sex work isn’t so bad!” with some credibility. And
if you keep doing sex work after you’ve sucked off scores
of men you’re not attracted to—men who may or may not have
treated you with respect, men who may have very different
standards of personal hygiene than you do—that might convince
your girlfriend to continue to pursue sex work for your amusement.

Good luck.

Hello! I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend
for about a year and a half. It is amazing! We are both very
GGG, and it is by far the best sexual relationship that I
have ever had. But there is one thing that has been bugging
me, and it’s the only thing I feel like I can’t share with
him. My boyfriend really enjoys tossing my salad. I enjoy
it! We love it! Here’s the problem: He kisses me when he is
done.

Now I am not one of these people who is grossed out about
sex-related things. I love it messy and sloppy. If he kisses
me after eating my pussy, I’m fine with that. But kissing
me after he eats my ass? I hate it! It tastes awful! It ruins
the rest of the sex for me! I’ve heard the old “Well, imagine
what it tastes like for him” adage, but he really does enjoy
it, and I do, too . . . just not the kissing after. I’m not
sure what to do about this. I am afraid that telling him would
offend him and that he will stop doing it. (I do like having
my salad tossed!) Am I being selfish? Should I tell him? Suck
it up?

—Bad
Taste In My Mouth

One
never permits one’s boyfriend—or one’s youth pastor or one’s
president—to place his tongue in one’s butt if it isn’t clean
and fresh. Because when one allows one’s boyfriend to stick
his tongue in one’s butt, BTIMM, one is vouching for the edibility
of one’s ass. When one consents to having one’s salad tossed—are
people referring to anilingus in that way again?—one is saying
to one’s partner, “My ass is clean enough for your mouth.
Have at it.”

It is entirely reasonable for one’s boyfriend—or one’s youth
pastor or one’s president—to assume that if one’s butt is
clean enough to receive his tongue, his tongue is clean enough,
post-salad-tossing, to be received in the mouth of the person
whose salad he has just tossed.

So are you are being selfish? Perhaps you are. But we are,
each of us, allowed a hang-up or two. You should inform the
boyfriend that you’re not into kissing after anal-oral contact.
But you must present this news to him as your problem,
not his, as a hang-up of yours. If he likes you well
enough, and enjoys eating your ass as much as he seems to,
he may be willing to take a few extra steps—mouthwash on the
nightstand? A quick swipe with a warm washcloth?—to accommodate
your squeamishness.

What is the proper condom etiquette for threesomes?

In my case, I’m a guy and it would be with two girls. Do I
change condoms when I go from one girl to the other? It seems
like that would be a hassle. It’d kill the spontaneity.

—No
Clever Acronym

First,
a general point: Spontaneity is overrated. The best sex often
requires advance planning; the more people involved, or props
involved, the more planning required. Although threesomes,
for example, can sometimes “just happen” (often when three
young people “just happen” to get drunk), most threesomes
require some advance planning (particularly when adults want
to have them). Finding the third, vetting the third, establishing
the ground rules, talking about safety, etc.—all of that requires
advance planning.

On to your specific question, NCA: You are going to have to
change condoms when you hop from one girl to the other. Unless,
of course, you’re a total asshole and you only care about
protecting your own health and you don’t give a shit about
exposing Girl A to any sexually transmitted infections that
Girl B might have, or vice versa. Neither girl should sleep
with you if you refuse to swap out condoms, and you should
remind yourself that, just as Paris was worth the hassle of
a mass, realizing the number-one straight-male fantasy of
all time is worth the hassle of swapping out condoms.

But you do have another option: the female condom. It’s a
condom that she wears. I’ve used them—with dudes—and once
you get past the slightly creepy trash-can-liner aspect of
using them, they work fine. Stuff one in each girl, and you’ll
be able hop back and forth to your heart’s content without
pausing to change condoms. There’s more info about the female
condom at www.femalehealth.com.

Download
a new Savage Love podcast every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.