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help me in writing scholarship application

hi
im applying for a schoolarship , and i have to write about " why im applying to this schoolarship, and to talk about my self a little"
i wrote my own words , and now please i want from any one please to revise it to me ,, and to write any additional positive words to it...
here what i write :

----------------------------------------------------------------I was raised by a family with a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parents, I have always striven to be the best student. Thus my academic performance has always been at the top of the class, so being sedulous makes me always dreaming of making master and incites me to complete my study.When i graduated from university ,i sought employment and worked in a brilliant position; , the job caused me to postpone the pursuing my master for a while ,but nonetheless, the desire to take the master stayed with me.Now , and after two years of experience and working , i feet that this is the time to make this important step in my life , so i have decided to apply for this scholarship as i want to promote my self , to get more experince , to help my community and to to gain a better postion in my job.Besides, This scholarship will provide me with an opportunity to experience an international education. Being in a country with many students from different cultures and nationalities would be a great opportunity to get more experince and gain a better point of view which will be valuable and it will enrich my culture. This will improve my ability to interact with other people from different cultures and better my skills when communicating with people of different nationalities.To sum up , an ambitious person always needs to improve and consolidate his self and i guess i have an enough ambition to apply for this scholarship.
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Re: help me in writing scholarship application

I was raised in a family having a strong belief in the importance of education. Being highly motivated by my parents, I have always striven to be the best student, thus, my academic performance has always been at the top of the class. As a diligent person, I have always dreamed about earning a Master's Degree.
When I graduated from university, I sought employment and worked in a brilliant position as _______?? This opportunity caused me to postpone the pursuit of a Master's for a while, but nonetheless, the desire stayed with me.

After two years of experience and working, I feet that this is the time to make this important step in my life. I have decided to apply for this scholarship, as I want to promote myself and get more experience in order to help my community and to gain a better position in a career.

This scholarship will provide me with an opportunity to experience an international education. Residing in a country with many students from different cultures and nationalities would be a great opportunity to get more experince and gain a better point of view, which will be valuable and will enrich my own culture. This will improve my ability to interact with other people and better my skills when communicating with people of different nationalities.

I believe that an ambitious person always needs to improve and consolidate and I am sure that I have an enough ambition to apply for this scholarship and succeed in the academic challenge.

(You don't discuss the specific scholarship and how the Master will help you in the future. You should add a few sentences about that.)