Posts [ 11 ]

Topic: Five Best Horror Transports

It's not easy being a horror movie killer. Not only do people refuse to just stand around politely and wait to get slaughtered in an organized fashion, but you typically have to either travel to their location or chase them around yours. Frankly, after awhile, the whole thing wears thin. What's a ruthless maniac to do? Well, if you're clever, you find yourself a decent mode of transportation to help you get around. Listed here are five of the coolest ways to get around ever featured in horror films.

5- Tow Truck (Wrong Turn)Okay, I'll admit that a tow truck isn't exactly high style, but it does have its uses. When you're lurking around the backwoods, killing and eating anybody who drives by, you'll need a way to move their cars out of the middle of the street so as not to blow your cover.

I understand this isn't exactly rocket science, but you have to take into account the guys who were able to think this up. None of those dudes will be receiving invites from Mensa anytime in the near future, so I think we need to grade on a curve (a very deep curve) and give them some credit.

4- Armored Truck (Jeepers Creepers)This might seem similar to our tow truck driving friends listed above, but there are some notable differences. First, the Creeper isn't trying really all that concerned with leaving your car in the middle of the road. Indeed, he's probably trying to run you off the road just for fun. Second, the Creeper gets mad style points for having, not only a sort of cow-catcher bolted to the front of his ride, but for having a cheesy vanity plate that works even if you read it wrong (“Be eating you” or “Beating you”). Third, the Creeper can fly.

It says something about your commitment to being awesome when you're willing to bother tricking out a ride you don't even need, just because you're simply that cool. You don't see that kind of dedication from your garden-variety butcher.

3- Dimension-Jumping Horse (Sleepy Hollow)Now we're taking it up a notch. It's one thing to ride a horse in a time when using a horse for transportation was normal. It's another thing entirely to ride it through dimensions. It's certainly not the most subtle entrance but, when you're already missing your head, I doubt the first thing people will notice is your horse.

Not only is this the sort of mount any self-respecting killer would love to own, it's also practical. You'll never lose another foxhunt with this filly on your side.

2- Flying Potion (Warlock)So, there you are. Hurled into the future, with no way to get around. What's a hex-hurling heretic to do? Well, if you're so inclined, you make a flying potion.

The flying potion is pretty great but, by itself, wouldn't have made the list. No, the reason it's here is because of the amount of effort and knowledge required to even make it. The Warlock is strapped with magic out the wazoo, but rather than simply force someone to drive him around, he takes the time to slaughter some kid so he can harvest his fat and boil up a flying potion. That's called craftsmanship, friends.

1- 1958 Plymouth Fury (Christine)You know what's wrong with a lot of potential psychopaths? Lack of commitment and/or competence. Sometimes, you've just gotta take matters into your own hands. Instead of trying to find a killer ride, you just become a killer ride.

Point blank, there's nothing greater than a murderous, self-controlling car. Sure, there's something to be said for pacifist self-controlling cars, but we all know what we'd rather roll with. Seriously, if you had a choice between KITT or KARR, which one are you going to choose?