Fig and Honey Granola

There are a few things in life that may never make sense to me. The popularity of the Kardashians, bedazzled jeans, and the allure of Justin Beiber rank high on that list. Also included, perhaps to your surprise, is store bought granola. Why, oh why would you pay five bucks for a teeny bag of fossilized oats and nuts when the real thing is so easily attainable in your own kitchen at a fraction of the cost?

It mystifies me, people. You all fucking mystify me.

Seriously. Do you have any idea how versatile, flexible and low maintenance granola is? And so, so humble. It's the Daniel Day Lewis of your pantry. You can throw pretty much anything into this recipe and it will be fantastic. In place of honey, use maple syrup or brown rice syrup. Add in oat bran or flaxseed meal instead of flour. Don't have any almonds? Fucking please. Any nut will do. I like to add in chopped dried fruits at the end- apricots, blueberries, cherries. Whatever. It takes one bowl, whatever you can dig up out of your pantry, minimal stirring, and about an hour in your oven.

So tell Whole Foods to take their hippie marketing elsewhere- here is the best, easiest granola recipe on planet earth, adapted from The Country Cook.

Our granola begins its life as shit you already have in your pantry. A little sugar, a little grain, a little nut and bada boom. Granola.

Okay. There might be some pouring involved. But seriously. You can handle this.

Looking purdy and it's mighty tempting to just dig in, but an hour in the oven is going to transform all that sugar and grain into something toasty and crunchy and entirely magnificent. So do not succumb to temptation. Not yet.

See. Aren't you glad you waited for that. Because that? It's a bowl of awesome. Crunchy, sweet almond granola sprinkled with chopped figs and drizzled with honey. Getting your daily serving of whole grains never looked so gorgeous. Stop buying shitty $8 boxes of flax dust with slivers of nuts too small to identify with the naked eye. Just stop. And dive into the best decision you've made all year.

Microwave until butter is completely melted. Stir well and then add in vanilla extract.

Pour melted butter mixture over oat mixture. Stir well to combine.

Spread granola mixture onto baking dish. Making sure it is spread out as much as possible.

Bake for about 75 minutes. When it’s finished, take pan out of oven & give it all a good stir (if you’re using any dried fruits like raisins, etc., add them in at this point) and then allow it to cool. I’ll stir it a couple of times while cooling.

Once it’s cool, you’ll need to go through and break it up into little clusters. Deposit into mason jars because that's what cool people do.