Antigay youth activist Mike Ensley — along with his “ex-gay” colleagues at Exodus International — has spent years encouraging same-sex-attracted persons to stay in the closet, refrain from calling themselves “gay,” and falsely tell their churches that they are “heterosexual” people with an attraction issue that, surely, some prayers and reparative therapy can fix.

So when an ex-gay tells his youth pastor that he’s still “struggling,” Ensley feigns shock that pastors respond with feelings of betrayal. Ex-gay activists have made churches unsafe for persons who experience predominant and persistent same-sex attraction, and now Exodus needs someone to blame.

I thought that stunk. In fact, I was pretty ticked that Josh even had to be a part of my little group over at the Exodus ministry where I volunteered. Not that he wasn’t a good guy to have around ‚Äî always has been ‚Äî but all he needed was a safe place to be transparent and find acceptance and support. It saddened me that he felt his church couldn’t offer that. Knowing that a real community was what he needed, and not a special ministry group, I often encouraged him to open up to someone in his life that he felt was safe. Maybe just the youth pastor to start.

When Josh finally did tell his youth pastor about his secret struggle, things drastically changed for him. He wasn’t allowed to be in student leadership anymore, or participate in the worship band. For some reason, the youth pastor felt it necessary to enact almost every level of church discipline on Josh, despite that he wasn’t in rebellion and didn’t want to be. Worst of all, he added insult to injury by asking Josh to refrain from any contact with children on church premises.

Through misleading marketing about “change” and “freedom” — not to mention the parroting of far-right hate propaganda about homosexual child molesters and about uppity gays who dare to protest votes against their freedom — Exodus has made celibate gay Christians unwelcome and feared in the nation’s conservative churches.

Ensley continues that misleading marketing when he connects the plight of “Josh” to that of Christian singer Ray Boltz, who came out as a former ex-gay earlier this year.

Ensley falsely states that Boltz “has now chosen to embrace a homosexual identity in defiance of Scripture’s clear teaching.” False, I say, because homosexuality is a state of attraction, not an identity. False, too, because the Bible does not teach against sexual honesty — but it does teach against the lies and deceit of people who claim to be orthodox believers but — like Ensley — are not.

Ensley blames Boltz’s newfound sexual honesty on the inadequacy of ex-gay books and the absence of well-funded, well-armed ex-gay community groups. Ensley reasons that such groups could have helped reinforce Boltz’s self-deception and sexual dishonesty.

To his credit, Ensley criticizes the conservative Christian tendency to demand that church leaders be paragons of moral perfection — Ozzies and Harriets.

And we want our leaders and icons to exemplify that ‚Äî to be the ones that “made it.” Then when they finally reveal to us that they are not, we condemn them, we cancel their legacies out, we pretend they were never the real thing.

Can I just say, as someone who works in full-time ministry, and knows people who have been doing it much longer, that this is all crap? There is no magic bridge you cross or mystic fog you walk through that transforms this life into some ethereal existence. Being in ministry is not like working full-time with Jesus as your boss. I do not bask in His loving glow from nine to five, ensconced in signs and wonders.

Unfortunately, after that glimmer of insight, Ensley resumes his failed ex-gay strategy of demeaning people in order to coerce “change” from them. Ensley damns Boltz to hell; rejects sexual and spiritual honesty as an illegimate peace compared to the “real peace” of dishonest ex-gays; and finally, blames churches for pursuing a logical response to Exodus’ characterization of gay depravity:

Ray Boltz has also finally found a community where he feels at peace. I’m not going to say it’s real peace ‚Äî but it’s at least the inevitable relief that comes from giving up a years-long conflict. It’s still saddening to learn that anyone has chosen a path contrary to what Christ has saved us for. It’s worse to know that one of the engines of their rebellion has been our unwillingness to be the safe and Christ-like community they needed in their darkest moments.

We all want those brothers and sisters to come to their senses and repent. That’s their choice, though; we can tell them the truth but we can’t change their hearts or minds. But maybe we can at least show them what it looks like.

Exodus is in no moral position to show people what truth looks like. Nor are self-satisfied pastors who gullibly believe whatever antigay hate propaganda comes their way.

Ensley’s conclusion — “So let’s pray for repentance ‚Äî for ourselves first” — would be most welcome — if he had really meant it.

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28 Comments

Wayne BesenDecember 15, 2008 at 6:21 pm -

It seems like Ensley is trying a bit too hard to convince himself to remain “ex-gay.” He seems a little jealous of the peace that Boltz has found and envious that the talented singer now live openly and honestly. I’m just jealous of Boltz because I can’t sing, but that is another story.

Perhaps, we will see Ensley follow in Boltz footsteps, so he too can end his needless and painful conflict. One can only feel bad for Ensley, who is wasting his life repeating fundamentalist propaganda – that he knows deep in his heart is not true.

What do you expect, from an adult male “ex-gay” who allowed his parents to lock him up in his bedroom, with somebody keeping an eye on him?

With Mike Ensley, God keeping a watchful eye on him isn’t enough. It’s like he’s a big baby who requires parental supervision at all hours.

As unstable as he is, I’ll bet when he goes potty, he still shouts “I’M DONE!!!” when he’s expecting mommy to wipe his behind.

Michael AirhartDecember 15, 2008 at 11:33 pm -

Scott, do you have links to substantiate the information about Ensley’s parents?

I disagree that Ensley a “big baby” but I agree that he and his colleagues at Exodus want government bureaucrats and church tyrants to act as Americans’ substitute parents, so that people need not make moral or religious decisions for themselves.

“Meanwhile, my parents discovered my secret life and tried to end it. They tried to monitor me every hour. They took me to Christian therapists, most of whom were on my side! I remember one Christian counselor who would not see me after just one session; he said I was born gay and that was that. But my parents wouldn’t accept that. Eventually they took me to New Creation Ministries in Fresno to talk to a woman named Donna who was a former lesbian. I hated the idea, but somewhere deep inside there was still a small boy who didn’t want to be gay.”

And he’s STILL a small boy who doesn’t want to be gay. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be associating himself with X-men and other comic superheroes to draw kiddies in his direction.

I am not sure that MIKE ENSLEY Ensley “damns Boltz to hell”… ROMANS 8:1 states the “There is therefore now no condemnation to those which are in CHRIST JESUS”…

“Going to heaven or hell” is a matter of being identified with CHRIST…not a matter of what I do or don’t do. MIKE ENSLEY knows this.

What happens when we disagree as to what is sin? And that disagreement must be posited on the foundation that the only sin that condemns is the rejection of the finished work of Jesus Christ. Over and over the clarion truth echos “whoever comes to ME I will in no wise cast out!!!” I hang all of my life and eternity upon that truth. To me that is the discussion.

Janet BloderDecember 18, 2008 at 1:13 pm -

Hi, I just wanted to say that Satan will use whatever he can to make people that have maybe some weaknesses in an area to believe a lie… that they have a certain sin that cannot be overcome. It is a lie, the blood of Jesus Christ can wash anything from us… we need to believe and receive this cleansing and washing every day…

The problem is… people will sometimes let satan put “feelings” on them… I really think this is where people go astray. Believe and receive God’s cleansing and healing. It does work… Don’t let “feelings” get in the way of what God wants to do… feelings are feelings. The blood of Jesus is eternal and stronger than any sin condition that humanity has. Come back to Jesus, Ray Boltz… he loves you and wants you to stop living by feelings…

Michael AirhartDecember 18, 2008 at 1:43 pm -

John Mark Trent:

Thank you for your alternate interpretation of Ensley.

Ensley said: “I’m not going to say it’s real peace ‚Äî but it’s at least the inevitable relief that comes from giving up a years-long conflict. It’s still saddening to learn that anyone has chosen a path contrary to what Christ has saved us for.”

I interpret that statement to be an implicit attempt to ostracize Boltz from Christianity and salvation. The statement also asserts, somewhat presumptuously, that Ensley’s own path is the (singular) Christian path when it is not.

I welcome your further thoughts.

Janet:

You are in no moral or religious position to kick Boltz out of his chosen faith and then presume to invite him back according to your own morally-corrupt and prejudiced conditions. Legitimate religious faith calls people to live honestly — not to lie about their feelings, and certainly not to proclaim false miracles as a result of harmful and unethical lies about the nature of sexual orientation.

Janet BloderDecember 18, 2008 at 2:56 pm -

Michael, I know what I am talking about because I have believed Satan’s lies at times … I know what a good liar the devil is… I have not kicked Boltz out of his chosen faith, I am simply stating that Satan will use lies to keep a person in bondage and by the way, I do not know who you are that you would say that I am in any kind of condition to say what I say. I am what the word of God says I am. I am not a perfect person but know that God’s word is true… and has to be appropriated into a person’s life to have it work… Living free is a battle that a person has to fight. The bible literally calls it “warfare”…

I also am stating what Christ said about Satan that he is a liar and the father of lies. Lies can be used against a person to keep him in bondage.

I am not saying that Ray Boltz should lie about his feelings…certainly there are struggles that people go through.. I am not condemning him but am saying that Satan uses untruth to keep a person from believing what God wants for the…

I like his music very much and have been quite inspired by many of his songs.

I think it is a tragedy when people feel that they can’t go to a friend in the church and get help. I believe that some strongholds in a person’s life can take a longer time to be free of…and the some of the battles are bigger depending on what they are and the bible teaches this. Having spiritual support around you and having people pray is important… probably more important than people realize. Perhaps the church has failed to reach out properly to those who struggle with these issues. I am sorry that you feel my remarks are inappropriate but I have been through believing Satan’s lies not struggling with this type of thing but other things and I know what I am talking about. I speak from experience.

I am not asking people to lie about their feelings or to proclaim false miracles… I believe that God’s word is true but some things are more of a battle than others and the issue of sexuality is a very big deal and bible talks a great deal about it. I guess the bottom line is… do we believe God’s word or do we believe our feelings? I have been through that one many times too.

“Perhaps the church has failed to reach out properly to those who struggle with these issues.”

**********

Ya think?

Sorry, but after two attempted forced genocides of American gay citizens in the 70′s and 80′s, the “turn or burn” message, among much much more horrible things, you pharisees calling yourselves “christians” are nothing more than psychotic.

Any gay person willing to run into “christian” arms is just as crazy.

Run, Ray, run! I think your music sucks, but you’ve been given a 2nd chance in life away from the pharisees.

JamesDecember 18, 2008 at 4:52 pm -

Janet Bloder,

Yes you are right, Satan will do whatever he can to convince others to sin and that sin can be forgiven. That’s why you are contributing to the destruction of gays’ lives.

I am not attracted to girls at all and never was, but only guys. I have forced myself to date and have relationships with girls, but they all fail.

When you have relationships with the opposite sex and realize that they are not working for you and the only way you can be happy is with a member of the same sex, then you’d know that no God would have it against you, and that being gay is not unnatural.

But see, you will never realize that because you are naturally straight.

Now what are doing here Janet? You seem stuck on this site and if someone says something to contradict what you believe, then you answer back. That’s called trolling my dear. Please go back to Focus on the Family’s website and voice your ungodly opinions.

Why don’t you do that instead? Oh thats right, you feel that you have an obligation to save my mortal soul. Well, I decided that I do not want to go to heaven if you’re going to be there.

JamesDecember 18, 2008 at 4:59 pm -

“…do we believe God’ word or do we believe our feelings?”

Janet,

Like I said, I have been with girls. It is unfulfilling to me. I have been in a committed relationship with another guy for about 4 years now (4 years exactly on Dec 12) and it has been more fulfilling to me than anything else in my life.

I don’t live by a book that has been used to justify slavery, that was used as grounds to arrest and torture Gallileo because he said the earth as round and it said it is flat, that says the mentally ill are demon possessed, where Jesus says that people who use the bible for legalistic value are wrong yet people today use it for just that and only pick and choose and follow whatever parts of the bible THEY want to follow.

Janet, you may think that you know it all, and you may only believe that because it is in a book originally written in a dialect that no longer exists, but the reality is, it’s psychotic what you are doing.

JamesDecember 18, 2008 at 5:06 pm -

Genesis 3:16 “…thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee”

So Janet, if you are in fact a woman, do you approve of men being dominant over their wives? How do you like that? You’re inferior to men!

Oh thats not because I believe it, but only because “The inerrant, inspired word of God” says it.

So believe EVERYTHING in the bible and stop cherry picking what verses YOU want to follow, or don’t believe in the bible at all. Fairest thing you could do.

Michael I think you are being unfair, the article is not able the Ex-gay movement, it is more about the need for Christian compassion. You may disagree with Ensley’s belief that living a homosexual lifestyle is a sin, but critique the article for what it’s purpose is not your grievances with his ideology.

Michael AirhartDecember 19, 2008 at 2:16 pm -

Joshua, thank you for the feedback. I will consider that possibility. I still think Ensley could have been more thoughtful and careful about his wording.

JamesDecember 19, 2008 at 3:11 pm -

“…..the article is not able the Ex-gay movement, it is more about the need for Christian compassion. You may disagree with Ensley’ belief that living a homosexual lifestyle is a sin, but critique the article for what it’ purpose…….”

OK, so why aren’t you doing it, Joshua?

The “ex gay” ministries are useless. They do not work. Homosexuality is not anymore of a lifestyle than heterosexuality. It is no more of a choice than heterosexuality. Nearly all major mental and medical health organizations disagree with it and say it is harmful.

But people refuse to believe that. Yet people go into it anyway. Most come out distraught, suicidal, psychos. I know because I was there.

The religious really need to grow up, put up and shut up. Yeah they have a right to believe that homosexuality is wrong, but they should realize that gays are not going anywhere and they are fighting a lost cause that will eventually be uncovered and exposed for all to see.

dvaeDecember 21, 2008 at 8:32 am -

i would be alright with you gay people if i thought that was it but you guys want transgender stuff and bdsm stuff and i dont know what else. i read that dignity site and they talk about how the catholic church should except “leather men” i mean is there any kind of sexaul activity that you guys dont think is ok? i am not trying to be smart but if you think jesus would hang out in a gay leather bar your nuts. jesus thought sex outside of being maried was plain evil and so did ghandi. i know i am stupid but i took my daughter to see that gay pride parade in sf. i thought is was going to be like a real parade with a gay marching band or something. to say the least i was wrong, there where people having sex in the parade in the street. i wish someone would respond to this beacuse i use to be on your side i dont know what to think now

JamesDecember 21, 2008 at 12:10 pm -

dvae,

Not all of us are “leather men”, or are into BDSM. As for transgender, transgender is different from homosexuality. Transgenders are people who believe they are the opposite sex (a woman trapped in a man’s body, or a man trapped in a woman’s body).

Homosexuals are people who are comfortable with their own sex. Some may behave like the opposite sex, but they are not uncomfortable being the sex they are. So learn the difference.

As for supporting transgenders. You don’t have to support homosexuals OR transgenders, that is your decision. But homosexuals are like anyone else, they simply love the same sex instead of the opposite (most are like that anyway).

And not supporting transgenders because they are transgender, just shows that what is important to you about other people is their genitals and not their heart.

I don’t know where you get this idea that leather and BDSM is a “gay” thing. It’s just as popular with straight people, if not moreso (because there’s more straight people out there, than gay people).

The only leather you’ll catch me wearing is shoes.

You didn’t like the pride parade? Join the club – I’ve only been once, and likely will never go again. Those events are an excuse for beer companies, etc. to make a shitload of money, and nothing more. Pride parades represents the “bar flys” of the gay community, and nothing else.

And please stop associating gay people with sex. Have you heard of swingers clubs for straight married couples, where they swap spouses? Have you heard of strip clubs? Have you heard of ‘Girls Gone Wild’? I could just as easily associate straight people with sex – ESPECIALLY American straight people.

Don’t judge all gay people because of some idiots at a pride parade. While that mix of gay and straight people are partying and getting drunk, the majority of us are working or we’re at home doing something better with our time.

Do you find Lesbian sex “hot?” Because if you are revolted by male same sex practices but turned on by my own female-only sexual practices, don’t you see a conflict of interest there?

Gay people have their sex lives sensationalized because straights who don’t “Get it” get obsessive about it. As a result, ALL kinds of sex they consider “deviant” they lump together. So a**l sex (which is enjoyed more by straight women than gay men) gets lumped in with bdsm. But some gays consider bdsm to be “deviant” or undesireable, and that’s their absolute right to believe that.

Additionally, it is the gay male sexual practices that are most luridly obsessed upon, while the female ones are considered “not really sex” or just “kinky” stuff that’s “fun to watch.” It’s ultimately the c**k that people (especially men) just CAN’T GET OVER.

I’d also like to say, off hand, that if anybody thinks there’s only 2 or 3 ways for two men or two women to have sex has it very very wrong. Straight sex and gay sex – between two human beings alone – is wonderfully varied. so stop obsessing. And anyway, it’s really none of your damn business.

ashleyJanuary 9, 2009 at 12:01 pm -

i am so tired of being hated by not only a lot of christians (not all but there are a lot that totally do hate homosexuals) but also the gay community. if i choose out of my own free will that i’d rather not act on my same sex desires because i believe that my God has better things for me than that that’s my choice. why do you need to tell me that i have been “brainwashed” by the church or that i am repressing my feelings or lying to myself? i am not judging homosexuals that act on their desires, i am just choosing the lifestyle i want to live. homosexuals want to be accepted and given the same rights as heterosexuals, and so do i. so unless the gay community is willing to offer me my freedom in this area right along with there’s without judging me or my motives than perhaps the gay community isn’t fighting for something worth fight for.

Ashley, you are what some might call a “side B” gay Christian. (or same-sex attracted. whatever.) Being sexually honest while living celibately is perfectly fine, so long as you recognize your freedom ends where others’ begins. And it seems like you do realize this. So any person who would give you flack for living the way you do has no right to.

Michael AirhartJanuary 9, 2009 at 2:05 pm -

I know of nobody who hates people for choosing not to act on their same-sex desires. And nobody promotes discrimination or denial of freedom against people who choose chastity or celibacy.

However, people rightfully criticize those who deceive others about their same-sex sexual orientation, or who promote discrimination and unequal treatment of those who choose a path of sexual honesty. That isn’t hatred, it’s criticism. It’s integrity. There’s a difference.

Ashley is already free; she doesn’t need the “gay community” (whatever that is) to offer more of it to her.

“Freedom,” however, does not include a special right for anyone to promote dishonesty, disproven unfactual anti-scientific propaganda, bullying, or one-sided sectarian religious beliefs in public schools. Schools are for learning, not politics and proselytization.

JamesJanuary 9, 2009 at 2:40 pm -

Ashley,

You are more than welcome to not act out on your same sex desires. Afterall, not every straight person acts on their straight desires, but some gays do and that’s how it is.

Why would I feel this way toward other men and not women and God still forbids me to express those feelings? God must be cruel if he is like that.

But God is not cruel. The Christians who are much too ignorant to understand are the ones who are cruel. The bible condemns sexual practices we allow today and allows sexual practices that we do not allow today. Is there room for homosexuality to be accepted by the church? With all the overwhelming scientific evidence that homosexuality is normal for a minority, yes I think there is room.

All we’ve heard is excuse after excuse as to why we should not be accepted, Ashley. Most of us would accept you that you are celibate, but really, do you accept US for not agreeing with that and not living celibate?

ashleyJanuary 9, 2009 at 3:07 pm -

emily, thanks for your response and as for the freedom part i think that’s up for personal interpretation. you believe i am suppressing my freedom as far as i can tell by your statement, but i do not feel that way. i feel that this is way more freeing for me and i don’t regret my decision. as for living celibate, that may be the option i have now, but i also think marriage to a male is quite possible for me which would obviously end my celibate streak.

michael, i in no way think that people should deny there sexuality concerns, differences, or whatever or be dishonest about them. i find this to be something that many churches do fail to allow. honestly Jesus didn’t hang out with the pharisees He condemned them because of their selfrighteousness and hidden sins because we all know no is perfet yet somehow they thought they had it all figured out. no Jesus delved into the lives of people that were considered dirty, broken, evil, unclean, unholy, and sinners. He loved them all completely and despite who they were, where they were, and what they were doing. This is how the Christian church should treat everyone, but unfortunately there are a lot of pharisees in the church. i have lived the silent homosexual life without God, and i have now found a place of Christians that i can openly admit that i have these same sex attractions and be accepted. they forced no ideologies on me about homosexuality being a sin and me going to hell for being a homosexual. Instead they have loved me and the more i started to understand this love the more i realized that i don’t want to be a homosexual. instead i’d rather follow what God wants me to do with my life, and love people just like He loved me whether i fit the “stereotypical christian code” or not. yet you’re telling me i am denying my freedom and now even supporting a dishonest system of hate and oppression dealing with the “gay community”.(not entirely sure what term to use, so the gay community i think is safe enough not to offend anyone. if does offend you i apologize.)

I never said I thought you were not “free” or experiencing “freedom.” I said you DID have freedom; and that it ends where others’ begins. This is a legal/constitutional statement, not one about your sexuality. Maybe the following response, from Mike Airhart, said something you thought fit this.

Like I said before, if you are sexually honest, that is all that is needed in my eyes for someone to be respectable.

JamesJanuary 9, 2009 at 9:54 pm -

Ashley,

OK, well God accepts me for who I am and does not condemn me for being gay (nor for expressing those gay feelings responsibly). I know that because it took me a lot of praying and a lot of thinking about who God is, and why do I have these feelings for guys but not girls.

Why do I have these feelings for guys and not girls, but am still expected to keep them to myself and not express them?

Please answer Ashley, I’d really like to know because what you are saying does not make sense. It appears you don’t have the same understanding of God as I do.

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