So, I noticed that you did a post on FWB awhile back, but I kind of have a bit different situation in regards to that. So, I feel that we are sort of in a relationship, but then kinda not. We talk everyday but we both have voiced how relationships are bad and we just want to remain close friends and FWB. I'm starting to fall for him though. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

JW

Dear JW,

Let me ask you… do you really think all relationships are bad?

You do realize that you and this guy are in a relationship, even if it’s not a “boyfriend/girlfriend” type situation. As you said, you guys talk everyday and are also FWB (a.k.a. intimacy without exclusivity). If you two think you guys are not in a relationship, you both are lying to yourselves.

And I don’t know him; I’m sure (I hope) he’s a nice guy. But he’s not stupid. He knows what he’s getting out of the deal. (I don’t mean to make him look like the bad guy either… because you both agreed on the situation.) But I don’t care how you cut it and I don’t care what year we are in, FWB is always better for the guy than the girl. Period. I will debate that with anybody any day of the week.

If I were you, I’d make it known that you have feelings for him and elevate the relationship in some way, shape, or form. And if he doesn’t return the feeling, then you need to make your exit. I don’t mean to be harsh, but you are cutting yourself short with this one!

From girl to girl,Natalise

p.s. SONG ASSIGNMENT – Listen to Coldplay’s “Careful Where You Stand.” Everyone wants to have an intimate and loving relationship with someone (at least, eventually). If this guy is worth the leap, then do it. If he's not, then bounce. But either way, don’t downplay the idea of relationships or cut yourself short because you’re scared.

Okay. I'll bite. Why do you think FWB relationships are better for the guy than the girl? Sure, there is a social stigma with a girl that hooks up w/ a bunch of guys versus a guy who hooks up w/ a bunch of girls but is it something other than that?

Everyone is different. But I will say that in general, girls are at a disadvantage. Generally girls get attached more easily. We are genetically made that way. That's just a fact. There's nothing wrong with that. It makes us great mothers/caretakers, etc. But let's even say that a specific woman does not get attached at all; well, she still runs the risk of getting pregnant... not the guy. Okay, and let's say she 1) does not get attached and 2) she's on birth control; well, she also runs the risk of having people call her easy, a wh*re, fast, desperate, etc. Social stigma is a b*tch and people will always judge a girl worse than a guy. Just the way it is.

Anyway, these are just a few (easy) reasons to start. I'd be happy to continue the conversation.

I agree with your points. I think in my mind, I was in this magical land where these biases didn't exist and that there was something else other than the opinions of society that caused you to say that FWB relationships favor the guy. I just think the girl has a lot more power than she knows sometimes but yeah, generally speaking, FWB sucks for girls...