Police Log

9:10 a.m. A long-haired man in a jean jacket and rubber boots was seen releasing domestic ducks into Klopp Lake, a violation. Another citizen on scene said the man had let the ducks out to get water – apparently some sort of necessity for ducks – then “boxed them up” and left. »

4:42 p.m. Three snoopgaloots – those being slithy toves who forego cover of darkness and do their hunting for fungible items in cars during daytime – were reported rooting around in a Valley West motel parking lot. The caller opinied that the three were “no strangers to speed.” They wandered off before police arrived. »

12:45 p.m. A woman reported her landlords having entered her home without permission while she was away. Nothing was missing or disturbed, and there was no evidence of a crime, but the intrusive landlords “act” like they have been in her place. »

5:17 p.m. The one-wayness of the streets in the couplet at Foster, Eastern and Western avenues is not universally observed. One pedestrian reported that he always confronts cheaty-sneaky drivers on Foster Avenue who blaspheme traffic calming religion by not going The One True Way. »

9:31 a.m. A man with a heavy Slavic accent called a Spring Street resident, telling her she had won a large sum of money. When questioned, Mr. Peggy hung up, throwing the phone call’s entire premise into doubt. »