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30 June 2011

Responsibility is a big word. Six syllables at least, you could make it Seven. You're a terrible liar, but you can talk yourself into anything. You are terrified of all the people staring at you, not because they are looking but because of what they might see. The rumourmill is running hard and fast. You've always been a fan of a scandal, especially when you're the last to know what you were involved in. You are not afraid of your reputation. You are afraid of how it will effect those you care about most. You've dropped the ball once. More than once. You can't stand to drop it again.

You're standing on a carpeted stage and there are so many earnest faces. They are eager and confused. They'll believe what you tell them, so you'd better get it right. You can't decide if it's a shame or a good thing that you lost my poker face years ago. Lady GaGa would be so ashamed of you, but Christ would be proud. At least of this. There was a time where you forgot how to spell. And you didn't realize responsibility could be a Seven syllable word.

One. Make good decisions. It's five-thirty in the morning. Typical. Count the hours of sleep. One one thousand, two one thousand, thre- "Hello?" You put on your cape and rush out the door. Windswept you show up on the scene. There are worse things than romantic heartbreak, we forget that. It's cold and you listen to the anger pour from the lips. You are angry with those lips, but squeeze the hand. Forgiveness. Grace. Sigh.

Two. Set the standard. Be on your best behaviour, now. This moment could change everything. Be courageous. This could be your only shot. Be transparent, but appropriate. Be strong when others can't be. Be a listener and give sound advice. Be honest. Be truthful. Be patient. Be kind. Be trustworthy, be trusting. Be calm. Be outgoing. Be hopeful. Be faithful. Be everything good. And do it well. The lives of others depend on it. No pressure.

Three. Recognize. You don't realize that you're on a carpeted stage, do you? But you are. You're standing there with eyes of every color looking at you, through you. The less you realize it, the more in danger you are. Scream at the top of your lungs and hope someone hears you. But even if they do, it's unlikely they'll come to your rescue. Be aware you're in a glass cage. You're held accountable for every action. Not just in theory this time, love, not just in theory.

Four. Carry the burdens. Being loved comes with strings, but not the kind you always think of. More dangerous, invisible strings. The kind that tie you to someone, maybe even permanently. You earn the privilege to be burdened with others issues. You earn that. Trust is not given freely, it does not flow from one human to another. It takes time and energy. And it comes with a burden.You are looked up to and with that privilege comes great responsibility. All Seven syllables.

Five. Take initiative. Go out of your way and make yourself uncomfortable. Struggle. Suffer. Don't ever fake it. Come honestly and openly before others and yourself and, most importantly, God. Maybe you can't do it on your own, but you must do it. There are lives that depend on this, on you. It's terrifying, isn't it? Red pill or blue pill? You decide. Take that first step. No one can make you do it. Seek out people. Seek out answers. Seek. This is where wisdom sleeps.

Six. Live Out Love. Actions speak louder than words. Show people. Live out the love that is shown to you on a day to day basis. Live it. We are called to this important decision every moment of every day. It's possibly the most crucial one you will ever make and it's happening all the time. You can always change your mind, but which will you choose? Live Out Love.

Seven.

Shhh, quiet now. Breathe. The Seventh syllable is to just breathe. The Responsibility is yours and you can choose to let it shape and define you. To chisel you out of stone and make you into something more solid. But you can also be still for awhile and know that you do not have to dwell on it. It does not have to make you anxious or worrisome. It may hurt. It may change you. It may make you exhausted. But these Seven syllables are a gift, a blessing in disguise. They are teaching things you never knew about yourself. Holding you accountable. Shhh...

and he knew me better
than the closest friend i've ever known
this is that moment
of clarity
you'll know it when it hits you

And you know me and you know me.

i don't love you
so don't ask me to
maybe someday
when i can better see the stars
from where i'm standing
i am apparently not as transparent
as i think i amAnd man is a giddy thing oh man is a giddy thing

it's dark outside
but i'm inside your warmth
despite the distance
without the knowledge of the future
rehab of desire
and we're back at square one
or something?Oh man is a giddy thing oh man is a giddy thing.

trust is a bit of a grey area
and i don't speak well
it makes for a fun game of hideandseek
crop circles in the carpet
and everything meant in that
i have no idea what the future holds
but i think that's why i believe in God
i'll sing upper harmony with you
i'll sing upper harmonyLove, it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you

i won't ever say something for your benefit
being honest as i may
but i might not say it
and aren't those the same thing
hearts are easily cut out of paper
it's harder to give them dimensions
and once you do
it's hard to remember
each of the chambers you put things inIt will set you free.

lost
reward of unparalleled unconditonal if found
but then the question remains
is it something you actually want
my answer is yes
at least i think it is
but i don't worry nearly as much
as i most likely shouldBe more like the man you were made to be.

i've got my head in the clouds
my feet in the water
and both hands clinging to the trees
i am always more than willing
to play in the dirt
just don't mistake me
for being grounded
i am still working on staying stillThere is a design

i'll write it on your back
between the thread
i'll say "thank you
i am glad of you
and i hope you know
all you mean to me"
there is more i have to say
i'm sure
but i'm not ready yetAn alignment to cry

i can place the sunshine in my hair
and it makes my eyes so green
i'll never settle for less
than exactly what God has for me
i am standing
i'm just not sure if it's still
i am waiting
i'm just not sure if it's patiently
the music slows down
when life speeds up
dichotomyOf my heart to see

there is a line
the question now
is whether it'll catch anything
i'm down by the river
rocky shores
and poor misunderstanding
under a bridge
over the water
this is where life happens
where are you in itThe beauty of love as it was made to be.
the truth is this
i don't know
i cannot know
but this is more than
well
more than i ever knew
i've never been one for expectations
but mayhaps
this will be the exception