Spinning Vigilante Victorious!

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Okay, this just in: New York is officially still awesome. We’d had our doubts — what with all the glossy bank branches and frozen-yogurt places — but the fact remains that this is, above all, a town where a man can be acquitted of assaulting a member of his spin class because the dude he assaulted was fuckin’ irritating. “He was just outrageous,” Manhattan Criminal Court juror Marybeth Roman said of Stuart Sugarman, the hedge-funder and Upper East Side Equinox member who exhorted his spin classmates with shouts of “You go girl!” and “Great burn!” until the day Christopher Carter, a fellow Wall Streeter and spinner, got up off his own bike and silenced Richard Simmons No. 2 with the power of his meaty paws. The jury didn’t buy Sugarman’s story that the injuries Carter caused him meant he could no longer spin — or perhaps they were glad. In any case, the verdict on this case should be hung over the bridge and emblazoned on our license plates: “You annoy, we destroy” or somesuch.