LPP #84 Growing Up in An Alcoholic Home & Healing From Dysfunctional Relationships with Melanie Short & Holly Homan

Posted on October 24, 2018

Today I am speaking with both how Melanie Short and Holly Homan both of whom are licensed clinical social workers . And together they are they founded JRNY Counseling with two locations in Indiana.

Melanie Short MSW, LCSW and a Love First Certified Clinical Interventionist, who has specialized in the fields of addiction and mental health, for over a decade. She is all about empowerment and love helping people figure out how to thrive. Holly Homan LCSW, LCAC has over 15 years of experience working with long-term recovery for teens and women. She thrives on providing support to people to heal after standard “treatment” has ended. She specializes in addiction, trauma, PTSD and family conflict.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

Mental health issues such as addictions, are often portrayed in media as an extreme

Varying degrees of addiction exist

When did it become your solution?

Rock bottom and bringing the bottom UP

Melanie shares her personal experience as an Adult Child Of an Alcoholic (ACOA)

You can grow up in an alcoholic home without alcohol being present

Traits of growing up in an alcoholic home (the same characteristics can be present if you grew up with someone with depression or high anxiety):

Tension, stress, and perfectionism

Unspoken rules in the home: Don’t Talk, Don’t Tell, Don’t Feel

As a child you felt like something was wrong, but everybody acts like nothing is wrong → so you learn not to trust yourself

Learn to be hyper-vigilant

You don’t learn to ask open ended question

You don’t learn how to get what you need (because the idea is to just MANAGE)

Marry someone you can save, so you can have more power than you did in your childhood

Have difficulty setting boundaries because we want to avoid hurting others the way you’ve been hurt

Codependent & enabling roles

When a child learns to be hyper-vigilant, it increases your stress level to a higher level than it should be. This changes the chemistry of a child’s brain. Later on in life this can contribute to high levels of anxiety and an affinity for control

The cycle of abandonment and the role of victim

Victim mindset & identity: I am helpless. Things happen TO me.

When you have a reaction that is disproportionate to a situation

Recovery & getting better does not mean you will never get triggered again, it’s about how you respond to the situation

Just because we have emotions doesn’t mean we need to act on them

Asking our emotions: what is it that I really need to do?

How to determine the root cause of our emotional triggers

Taking the pressure off when it comes to therapy and thinking we need to implement it a certain way, for it to be “right”

Why we tend to be triggered more easily by the people we are closest with.