Hope You’re Sitting Down, Because Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Are Reportedly Married

Remember where you are and what you’re doing right now, because you’ll need to know in ten years when you tell the story of where you were when you learned that Kim Kardashian and Kanye Westwere married… on paper… according to a report from Life & Style. So maybe we shouldn’t freak out just yet. Not that I was freaking out or anything. Stop looking at me like that, I really wasn’t.

According to an obviously very reliable anonymous source, Kim and Kanye are officially married ahead of their fancy wedding ceremony, which is rumored to be happening in Paris on May 24. This is in line with recent reports that they would be getting their license in the coming days. Here’s what the source had to say:

“Kim and Kanye are now married on paper. They got their license in California over the past few days,” the source said. “Kim and North are on their way to NYC now.”

According to a report from TMZ last week, Kim and Kanye were planning to get married legally in California before having their wedding ceremony overseas. They were reportedly planning to obtain a confidential marriage license, which means they wouldn’t have to go to a courthouse to make it official. Rather, “an official from the court will actually go to them and perform the ceremony privately in their home.”

Or perhaps the report is wrong and they’re not actually married at all and we’re running around screaming for absolutely nothing. I’m not doing that, of course. I already made that clear. But some people might be, and I don’t want them to get worked up over nothing. No matter what, the fancy ceremony hasn’t happened. And if Kim’s description of it to Vogue is any indication, it’ll be ridiculous:

“People are probably assuming we’re going to have this massive wedding, and I think it will be – but intimate,” Kim told Vogue. “Two hundred people – just all of our closest friends – a special night for us and all the people that really love us and that have supported us.”

Kim Kardashian lives in a world where a wedding can be both “massive” and “intimate,” and where people can have two hundred close friends. Jeez, and I thought Taylor Swift was excessive.