Monday, August 11, 2014

Friday, June 10, 2011

The following tale is 99% based on actual events, 99% inspired by actual events, and 99% was written by Lhorenzho's alt who unfortunately was not present when the events transpired.

PART 1 - Part 2 may or may not be submitted.
"There's a killer on the road
His brain is squirmin' like a toad
Take a long holiday
Let your children play
If ya give this man a ride
Sweet memory will die
Killer on the Road"

I could hear the sinister lyrics of that haunting old tune playing on my wakeup device even as I languished in that nebulous ethereal void between sleep and arousal. As I slowly regained my senses, I reached up and rubbed my chin, noting the 3 day growth of stubble. There was blood on my fingers, a foul taste in my mouth that only a cocktail of booze, blood, and clone vat fluids could create, and my head was pounding.
How long had I been asleep? Goddamn that Ronen Marin*. No wonder my 3'rd ex wife couldn't stand his ass. Everytime we get together we end up either in the brig in some out of the way shithole or passed out with no memory of what had transpired until the authorities showed up on our doorsteps with warrants and paternity test results.
I hadn't seen the dude since his promotion to CEO of Hope and Change corporation and I was hoping this latest reunion would be a little more tame than our previous meetings but the disarray in my cabin told a different story. What the hell happened in here. It looked like my string of never getting my cleaning deposit back was gonna continue.

I know I was supposed to be doing something important today. There was that eery feeling again.

As I rolled out of my bunk and stepped onto the cold floor, my foot kicked an empty bottle of cheap bootlegged Amarrian whiskey. It careened off the bedstand and came to rest loudly against the door of what passed as my indoor latrine. Fuckin primitive Minmitars. They would shit on the ground if they let em. How I longed for my more civilized Caldari accomodations. The last remnants of rotgut slowly ebbed out on to the floor from the now partially cracked bottle.
Fuck, did we drink that swill? It was the same brand that had been the centerpiece of a lawsuit last year due to hundreds of deaths attributed to some alleged production irregularities. Shit, I think thats the bottle we pried out of the hands of that passed out drunk last night. I damn sure wouldn't pay for it.
Where the fuck was Ronen?
I stood up slowly and noted the magazine on the floor. It was the latest issue of that sensationalist rag put out by Pandemic Legions propaganda arm, the Celestial Enquirer, and I had to chuckle as I read some of the headlines."Where are they? Amelia Earhardt, Camilo Cienfuegos,Jimmy Hoffa, and Wensley?""I was not breastfed! - Aggression, Hulkageddon and Exposing The inner demons of Helicity Boson!""Shut your durty litl whor mouef. Sard Caids' campaign against profanity in New Eden!""Don't get high on your own supply -Kane Rizzel opens hospice for battered capsuleers""Two Times the Charm? Miura Bull to re-spawn his Rifta Rebels yet again""Lady Shaniqua pRim susPeK in RoBree uff likKer sTor"

Why do I feel like I am forgetting something?

Suddenly it hit me! My Caldari Diety what the hell is wrong with me?
We had OPS today! Holy crap!!
I nearly fell over as I rushed to the communications console on my desk.

There was a message from Zodiac Black. Damn that kid was always a step ahead of me!
The dude had a way of making me look bad in the eyes of our chief. And now this.
I made a mental note to find a way to undermine the kid.

I turned the volume up on the unit and listened as I geared up."Where the hell are you Lhorenzho? We need your help. We are station camped""Get over here as soon as you can!"
I picked up the handset, pressed the speak button and replied.
"I am on my way kid. Just let me prep my shit."

*Ronen Marin is head of Hope and Change. Any potential recruits are advised that they could not do better than to sign up for a tour with that entity. See Ronen Marin for details.

Note 1: The above endorsement of Hope and Change corporation does not violate the "Non-Compete" provisions of my contract with Black Rebel Rifta club. I am allowed to make tempered comlimentary commentary about other corporate entities in New Eden as long as they stop short of routing recruits away from BRRC.