A reader asked: “I have a very good friend who expects me to drop everything when she calls me to do something for her. I find it hard to tell her no even though I am unable to get my stuff done because I am always doing things for her. Even if I tell her no I feel guilty and end up doing it anyway. How can I tell her no without feeling guilty?”

It can be hard to set boundaries with others who are in our lives.

We all have an innate need to be liked by our friends and family. You may never be able to tell her no without feeling guilty; however, the key to managing your guilt is by setting boundaries and keeping those boundaries.

Individuals who are not able to set and maintain boundaries with others often find that it is harder to meet their own needs. Setting boundaries is important in maintaining healthy relationships with friends, family and co-workers. Boundaries can prevent misunderstandings, awkward situations and hurt feelings from damaging your relationships.

When your routine consists of meeting the expectations of others, you may feel uncomfortable setting personal boundaries. However, boundaries simply make others aware of the fact that you need time to rest and refresh yourself. In setting boundaries, you are able to give and do for others those things that you choose. With boundaries in place you have time to pursue your interests, which will only make you a happier person to be around.

Some ways to set boundaries with others include:

• Know how you want to be treated. Growing up we have been taught that being selfish is not good, but I am here to tell you that it is. We all must be selfish at times when dealing with others by setting boundaries. Let others know how you expect to be treated and then follow through with maintaining those boundaries.

• Do not feel the need to give explanations for your boundaries. When you are doing for yourself there is no need for you to explain your needs to others. Offering explanations may give the impression that you don’t believe that your wants and needs are important.

• Practice saying no to unreasonable requests. You cannot please everyone all of the time and attempting to do so will only cause you undue stress. Realize no matter what you do or don’t do you can’t please everyone in your life, the only person you have control of pleasing is yourself.

• Respect other’s boundaries. It is important to remember that if you want people to respect your boundaries then you must respect theirs even if you don‘t agree with them.

Setting boundaries with yourself and others will take time and practice. Don’t get discouraged if you fail to keep boundaries you have set. Make note of requests from others that cause you stress and vow to yourself to set a boundary with that person and do your best to enforce it. Keep in mind that if you don’t take care of yourself then you are unable to help anyone else.