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MELBOURNE—With the Melbourne Tigers contemplating the re-inclusion of Sean Lampley in their lineup to cover the loss of Ben Knight, the Tigers seem prepared to recruit yet another component of the All-NBL Most Hated 1st team. With Anstey locked in at centre on the Most Hated team for the rest of his career and Worthington’s Most Hated stocks rising rapidly at power forward, the Tigers already have two of the most hated players in the league. Lampley, universally renowned as a complete tosser, would automatically take the small forward position on the All-NBL Most Hated 1st team.

Not since Chris Anstey has there been a more widely despised player than Sean Lampley. Lampley’s antics in the 2008 Grand Final series against the Sydney Kings raised the ire of Sydney fans, flaming anti-Tigers sentiment around the league. "Lampley's behaviour in the Brisbane semifinal series and his gestures to the Sydney crowd in the Grand Final series were that of an A-grade wanker," said Professor Thomas Yardly of the School of Psychology, Psychiatry and Psychological Medicine at Monash University. "Apart from Clinton, he's the only person to ever score a perfect ten on my newly devised 'wanker scale'."

Lampley's choice of playing number, number 1, is no coincidence, says FIBA Board member Yalou Canfi. "Traditionally, it's not been allowed to use the number 1 in domestic leagues, but we decided to allow it to highlight to the refs who is likely to be the biggest dickhead on the court. Turns out there's an even bigger correlation than counting tattoos."

The recruit is likely to make the Tigers clear favourites to take out the most hated team in the league award. "The Sydney Kings are long gone now. We need a new universally despised team," Tigers co-owner Seamus McPeake confided to our source. "After already recruiting myself as part owner, Westover as our coach, Anstey as our centre, and Worthington as our power forward, who’d be the best recruit to make us even more hated around the league? The answer is even more obvious than our past salary cap transgressions."

With starting shooting-guard Kendall the subject of a substantial amount of online hatred, particularly during his Kings years when he managed to make every Boomers team regardless of his form, the addition of Lampley would make the Tigers just one piece away from assembling the All-NBL Most Hated 1st team as their starting five. "We only now need the most hated point guard," McPeake commented. "I wonder if I can entice Shane Heal out of retirement."

What a coincidence. The photo is courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/kevy47/

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A Higher Authority

25/10/2009 09:34:42 pm

Brilliant as always!

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Democrat

25/10/2009 09:54:23 pm

I can understand Lampley's unpopularity but was it really necessary to compare his "Wanker Scale" score to that of Hillary Clinton? Granted, she is hardly Ms Personality, but surely Lampley is on a whole other level of ... oh, SNAP!

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A team of well-connected Australian hoops aficionados report on stories you won't read about in the mainstream media. We swish the scoop when they airball it.