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Saturday, 28 March 2015

A most unfortunate chain of events unfolded yesterday, resulting in the loss of a CFC stratop fleet after a misclick from critically acclaimed pilot Dabigredboat caused his titan to open a bridge rather than jumping.

The incident occurred when a 200-man Dominix fleet and a couple of titans had gathered on a POS in preparation for a CTA. Five minutes before the due departure time Raegalan, the FC of the fleet, slipped off for a crafty wank, leaving the fleet unattended at the POS.

While preparing to go on a separate supercapital fleet with his titan, Dabigredboat accidentally warped to the main staging tower due to a mixup with bookmarks. He proceeded to accidentally press bridge instead of jump. In his frustration at this delay he hammered his fist down on the F1 key and activated the bridge module.

A line member in the fleet noticed the bridge effect. Due to a graphical glitch on his computer, he noticed the bridge was emitting a strange green glow, in contrast to the usual blue. "The bridge is green", he said, which caused the most of the fleet to take the bridge and jump onto a hostile deathstar POS.

With the CFC's super fleet split up through the system simultaneously reinforcing multiple POSes, the Dominixes found themselves alone, unsupported and leaderless. They followed the standard routine of dropping drones and waiting for primaries, but the primaries never came. After 20 seconds panic began to overcome the fleet. A young skirmish FC stepped up and told the fleet to warp off, but the fleet was now bubbled by two Sabres who had been sitting inside the forcefield.

Chaos reined in mumble. The POS batteries were now being manned and were systematically shooting and destroying Dominixes. Some Goonswarm members took advantage of the anarchy and turned their drones on members of FCON and FA. The Bastion drew on their expertise as a rapid deployment alliance to rapidly deploy into pods, and SMA lost hope and self-destructed their ships.

Two Dominixes who thought to use their microjumpdrives were the only ones to escape the massacre. On eventually returning to his computer, Reagalan asked where the fleet had gone. After being told what had happened, he closed Mumble and logged off without saying a word, and has still not been seen.

Fortunately for the CFC the objective was still taken; BRAVE were hired by N3 for three million isk but got lost on their way to the system, while N3 and BL continued their work towards a research paper on the differences between the four Captain's Quarters.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Unconfirmed rumours today stated that a member of the Bastion, the CFC's prized elite rapid-deployment force, was removed from the coalition when he appeared to be too euphoric on a CFC stratop.

After removing an SBU in Fountain, the anonymous member reportedly said 'so proud of you mates, you're doing gods work keep it up' on Mumble, barely able to contain his joy at adding another structure to his killboard. Coalition kingpin Mister Vee then noted the name of the misguided, elite PVP loving fanatic.

Vee passed on this information to Valiant and Noble Defender of the CFC Digi, who performed counterintelligence work on the renegade. After spending 19 hours on the case he passed on his findings to Bastion leader Carneros. With a tip of his fedora and a 'm'lady' to Goonwarm leadership, the rogue member was gone.

Later in the day The Mittani revealed he was personally insulted by the lack of effort put into invading Fountain, and talked of his urge 'twist the knife' in someone. He later expanded on this a little more, saying "Just to be clear: this time we're not going to stab them in the heart over and over again until they stop moving; we're just aiming to cut the index finger off N3's left hand, then maybe we'll give that to Pizza."

Meanwhile in N3 DARKNESS. and The Kadeshi members have been advised to train Advanced Docking to a minimum of level 3 and preferably to level 5 in preparation for the war. The leaders of said alliances have reportedly been spotted lying down by the side of the road in a bid to make it as difficult as possible for them to be thrown under an approaching bus.