Christian Missionary ‘Hermey the Elf’ Killed By Remote Island Tribe

Christian missionary Hermey the Elf was killed by a remote tribe of islanders off the coast of the North Pole this week, sources say.

Hermey, a mid-ranking figure in religious leader Santa Claus’s workshop, had allegedly travelled to the isolated Island of Misfit Toys in the hope of spreading tidings of the Christian celebration of Christmas. After companions Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Yukon Cornelius facilitated his travel to the island, Hermey was taken captive by the barbarous tribe before being brought to their ruler, King Moonracer, to be executed.

“Hermey knew what he was getting into going to a place like that, but he felt it was his duty to spread Christmas cheer,” said Christian idol Sam the Snowman. “I guess he thought that, if he could teach the Abominable Snow Monster the Gospel of Claus, he could teach it to anybody.”

In a press release, Claus stated that other than adding the Misfit Toys Islanders to his naughty list, he would not seek retribution for their actions.