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Guy Secret: What It Means to Be Cold Cut Combo-ed

You’re going to hate this. And before I even tell you what it is, know that if “bro code” actually existed, this would be a major betrayal of its invented principles. Have you ever heard of the Cold Cut Combo? Yes, it is a delicious sandwich option at Subway restaurants, but it is also a devious strategy employed by guys to get you to go out with them. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Befriend This is the most crucial step in the CCC. If you like a girl, you make friends with her, but only friends. Start hanging out, invite her places, just like you would a guy friend. Don’t talk about other girls, but don’t give her any indication you’re interested. No hints. No sexual playfulness. No extra affection. She’s just a friend, who you make laugh. A lot.

Step 2: The Cut Tell her you can’t be friends any more and cut her off. Tell her you have fallen for her and you can’t hang any more. And then, that’s it. No phone calls. No e-mails. She is a rat and you are a mafia don. She’s Oliver North to your Ronald Reagan.

Step 3: The Inevitable Come Back Devastated at how empty her life is without her best new bud, she will inevitably come to her senses and tell you that the two of you should be together. Case closed.

My friend who told me about this move (which he has employed many times) claims it is nearly 100-percent successful. Now, he is also a charmer and a bit of a dreamboat, so throw in some cold calculated manipulation and I have no reason to doubt this is a killer combo. I’ve debated trying it, but frankly I neither have the stones nor the patience. I decided some time ago that, while not showing all my cards as soon as the hand’s been dealt, I’m not great at pretending not to like the people I do. I can’t really do games.

Case in point. When I finish writing this, there’s a great girl on my couch, wrapped in a blanket, watching films with subtitles. I’m not saying I did anything particularly suave to get her there, but I asked her for her number, asked her out, and the rest is, well, present.

Have you ever been cold cut combo-ed? Has a guy ever pretended to be your friend but secretly wanted more? Have you done the cold cutting?