Cavit: I'm dynamic, exciting, brilliantly gifted and creative and i never sit back and ignore when my captain's being irrationalHarry: Well lets hope nothing bad happens to you and you get replaced by a spineless stereotype

Tuvok sending text: Talaxian is an idiot, lol, smiley face

Janeway: If you see anything on your away mission that vibrates and is about this big.....Torres: gotcha

Tuvok: I do not see the logic in creating a game called "point at the Vucan"

Chakotay: God, she's awful....i hope i don't end up spending roughly seven years with her

Cavit: Hi, I'm Lieutenant Commander Cavit. Obviously I die early as I'm being a jerk and wasn't even given a first name.Janeway: [thinking] But he still has more character than Mr Kim ever would in seven years.

Neelix never suspected he was leading the march for his firing squad.

Janeway: It was so cold in my ready room this morning--bing--nipple town.

Neelix would forever remember this as the day he lost a finger. For Tuvok it was the only decent thing he ever had to eat in the mess hall.

Harry (thinking): Wow, I can't wait to tell my parents about this! My last name is Kim although I am clearly Chinese. Cavit (thinking): Suspicious...my name wasn't on the opening credits. Well, at least I won't have to battle the Borg!Tom (thinking): Force a smile...you don't want to go back to prison.Janeway (thinking): God, I have to pee SO bad...

Chakotay (thinking): This desert is drier than Janeway's coochie. Wait, why am I thinking about the Captain's coochie?!Tuvok: Captain, my scans indicate the Talaxian does, in fact, need a shave.

B'Elanna: You're sure it was that big!?Janeway: Yes, I saw it with my own eyes! Commanding a starship isn't the only thing Chakotay is skilled at...B'Elanna: Damn, I should have gotten with him while I had the chance.

Tuvok: If this is your feeble attempt at initiating a mating ritual, Mr. Neelix, I'm afraid I will have to decline.

Janeway: Chakotay, you'll have to change your outfit if you're going to be my first officer.Chakotay: No, I am a Maquis!Janeway: Not for long!Chakotay: Ok, Captain. Hand me the onesie.

"Ah. Mr. Kim. Welcome aboard. Do me a favor. I'm looking for a no good burnout named 'Tom Paris.' Our observer. If you see this son of a bitch, you send him to my office. The only thing he's going to be observing is my foot up his ass. He's standing right next to us, isn't he?"

Janeway: I'm looking for a coffee mug about yay wide. Preferably with a wide rim, and handles on the side. It's got to be able to take extreme heat, and make it a pleasing symmetrical shape so it looks the same from every angle.

Torres: And why not add the ability to cook the coffee beans right in it?

Janeway: Yes! Can you do that for me?

Torres: Sure. You want a coffee wok.

Janeway: Hello Chief Engineer.

Neelix: I said I was a scavenger, but I forgot to mention it was the teeth-cleaning kind.