Tips for taking on a college roommate

Tuesday

Aug 13, 2013 at 12:01 AMAug 13, 2013 at 10:40 AM

It’s that time of year where students leave the comforts of home for college. Dorm and apartment living can bring about newfound fun and freedom, but it also can mean the potential for roommate conflict.

Andrea Honaker / Halifax Media Group

It’s that time of year where students leave the comforts of home for college. Dorm and apartment living can bring about newfound fun and freedom, but it also can mean the potential for roommate conflict.

For the many students who never had to share a room at home, the dorm experience can be quite a challenge. And according to a new study from the University of Notre Dame, roommates can shape each other’s personalities and attitudes in just three months.

To save your sanity and make your time in college as enjoyable as possible, here are a few tips for creating roommate harmony:

1. Best friends don’t always make good roommates.

Allan Blattner, senior associate director of housing at UNC Charlotte, said that living with someone is very different from being their best friend.

“It sounds like a great idea but because things change so much in college and people change so much, sometimes those old patterns that made them good friends become obstacles,” he said. “We see a lot of those end up in room changes and end up in unfortunate situations.”

Students should think carefully when deciding who they want to live with.

2. Get to know your roomie before you move in.

Blattner said that students in the dorm who are assigned roommates can choose to share their contact information before they arrive on campus. Many students get in touch with their roomies through Facebook to introduce themselves and find out who is bringing what items.

“Their relationship starts long before they get there. We encourage them to talk early and often,” he said.

3. Communication is key.

The best thing roommates can do is talk about important issues ahead of time, before they can become a problem, Blattner said.

“It’s much easier to solve a problem before it happens,” he said. “Living together, it becomes so personal.”

UNC Charlotte students living in the dorm complete roommate contracts to spell out expectations, Blattner said. It’s a good idea to discuss sharing personal items, managing guests, cleaning/chore schedules, sleep habits, study habits and whether the space is going to act as a quiet place for work or a social setting.

“It all comes back down to talking with one another. Even if you have the most self-awareness, if you haven’t communicated that effectively, it’s a guessing game,” he said.

The ability to negotiate through problems with people is vital life skill, especially since everyone has to share their living space or work space, Blattner said.

4. Texting is no substitute for a real conversation.

Some conversations are OK for email or text, but others need to be done in person.

“I think sometimes because they’re less experienced, they don’t pick the right avenue,” he said.

If a student is mad at his roommate, texting may be the easier route to take, but it is not necessarily the best way.

“If there is any emotionality behind it, nothing replaces a conversation,” Blattner said.

5. Don’t wait until the breaking point.

If a conflict arises, confront it immediately instead of ignoring it and allowing it to build.

“A lot of times, students will come to us when they’re at their breaking point, and oftentimes it’s too late,” Blattner said. “The earlier they can identify a potential situation, the better.”

Students should try talking to their roomie to work things out first, and if that fails, they can seek out a resident assistant, residence coordinator or staff member for help. Room changes can be made as a last resort if there are irreconcilable differences.

“Some things can’t be solved, but at least we can make it better,” Blattner said.

- Don’t complain about your roommate to other people or through social media or online diaries.

There’s an app for that?

RoomSync is a Facebook-based app that matches roommates. It has partnered with more than 100 college campuses and student housing properties to provide an alternative way for students to pick a compatible roomie. Visit roomsync.com to learn more.