Big FAT loser

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The princess decided to go with me on my trek this morning with her constant companion, Noodles the Chiwienie, in tow.

Things started out swimmingly. We cruised the neighborhood and even ducked down the trail by the river. All in all, an idyllic start to a beautiful day.

Inspired by nature's bounty and fueled by the endless energy of youth, it was determined that a girl vs. beast footrace was in order, with VGFatboy a decidedly laggard third place contestant.

At the sound of ready, set, go the princess was off..a leash complication gave her a decided head start over the dog, but he made up ground relentlessly and by the time they reached our front yard he was literally nipping at her heels.

Suddenly, and without warning, he stopped and began nuzzling the ground and to our horror it was discovered that he had stumbled across a newborn clutch of rabbits...

This didn't end well, an no amount of consoling or counseling about natural selection and the like could set things right with my youngest child. I know that life is hard, but the end of a perfect walk with a beautiful young lady somehow doesn't seem like the appropriate classroom for such harsh lessons.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Driving through Philo yesterday and I saw a young woman out for her daily run. In 30 degree weather. In the middle of that lovely Central Illinois combination of rain, snow and sleet that we sometimes get when Mother Nature's being indecisive.

My initial feeling of admiration was soon replaced by something else. Something uglier. Envy. Why, I wondered, can she find the motivation to get out and go on such a crappy day when I struggle to do ANYTHING health related?

I think we all need to find that trigger. My cousin Chops found it to the tune of an amazing yearlong transformation. She's a day or two older than me, but is cut and ripped, and I am very proud of the commitment she's shown. My nephew, Jeremy? Same thing. 90 lbs, gone since last summer. He looks great, feels great and I couldn't be happier for him. And then there's me, same as always.

I did give up, but I will start over, so I guess maybe there's some sort of honor in that persistence, anyway.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

So did you hear the one about the guy whose pants split at the crotch right before his big presentation in front of the MCB advisors? Channeling his inner mcguyver, he first tried to use his office stapler to stitch the seams, a plan that seemed to be inspired genius until the staples started to come loose, thus giving the wearer of said pants the sensation of having 1000 fire ants in his fruits of the loom. In desperation, and having not a shred of dignity remaining, he went to the brains of his organization, the fabulous front office staff, for assistance. There was hatched a plan so brilliant that it was sure to succeed. DUCT TAPE! That's correct, a strategically placed piece of the silvery miracle product saved the day! The guy gave his speech to a rapt audience, finding some new peers in his work as a nursing recruiter, and all was well.

No. Me either.

In fitness news, Fatty is in free fall, and I have nothing positive to report. I will try to climb back on the horse for the millionth time.

Friday, February 8, 2013

J-MO, one of my good buddies, has suggested that I'm not really divorced from Illinois sports, but rather going through a trial separation, and he could be right, because I do check up on them pretty frequently. However, as with all breakups, the good things, if any, that your soon-to-be ex brings to the table are no longer made readily available to you when you split.

I am, therefore, forced to admit that like that special casserole that a former flame makes every week, I didn't get to taste and savor the Illini's epic comeback and last second win over the hated #1 ranked Hoosiers from Indiana last night. Oddly enough, I'm ok with that. I guess maybe the years of disappointment can't be easily erased by a crazy one night stand. I'll continue to monitor them from afar for a while...not too high, but more importantly not too low.

In Fatty fitness news, I'm down 1.5 pounds since Monday's weigh in, which is as I've said before roughly the equivalent of a flea jumping off the ass of Jumbo the Circus Elephant.

Friday, January 25, 2013

I had ESPN on while i was working out this morning, watching Murray vs. Federer, and I had to stop and admire the sheer magnificence on display. Those two men were crafting shot after shot, and it made me reflect on how I need to do a better job of appreciating excellence where ever I see it. From the short order cook who folds an omelette just right, to IRO and his mad skills with a geetar and vocals to Mikey & Tom and their superior IT skills, I am surrounded by surpassing talent and beauty.

As for me....I'm pretty good at drinking beer. I am not sure if there are any overt skills that I could rate myself as excellent at, but then again maybe it's all about the pursuit so I'll keep trying.

Got a good dumbbell workout in today. Can't wait until the weather breaks and I can get back out on the road.

Friday, January 18, 2013

One of my resolutions for 2013 was to not let myself be involved in negative relationships if i could possibly avoid them. Life is too short to continually feel like you're the only one who's really trying to make it work. So after last night, I've decided that it's time for a divorce.

That's right, I'm ending my lifelong relationship with Illinois athletics. For more years than I can remember, I've put my heart and soul into our relationship, only to be left disillusioned and disconsolate. The 84 & 08 Rose Bowl trips, along with the flying Illini and 'Dee for three' were fun, but really just weekend flings when compared to the heart breaking timeline of being a lifelong Illinois fan.

I'm sure that little J O E and the rest of the team will bounce back and do well without me, but I can no longer afford to let things that are outside of my locus of control affect me like last nights' crushing defeat. I wish you well, Orange and Blue. Farewell, and may we part as friends.

In fatboy fitness news, Anthony Ewing and I went 2.5 miles in 41 minutes this morning in the cold and I must say that it's always better to walk with a partner than solo.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Living in a small town like I do, I am always struck by two strong emotions whenever I see firetrucks springing into action.

The first is dread, because chances are pretty good that I'm going to know the person or family whose world could be changed irreparably by the flames, and also because fires are dangerous and those guys dragging the hoses into tight spots are my friends and neighbors, which leads me to......

Pride. You see, we don't have "professional" firemen here in bucolic VG or the surrounding bergs. These guys are all volunteers. They're exterminators and teachers. Truckers and farmers. Guys and gals who are willing to put their personal lives on hold for the common good and I am proud to call them my buds.

So give them a big cheer the next time you see them in a parade, tossing out candy with sirens blazing. They've earned it.