KKK’s Newest Recruiting Tactic: Bags of Candy

Residents of a northwestern South Carolina town awoke over the weekend to find bags of candy on their driveway. Sounds harmless enough, right? Just some casual stranger road candy. But the road candy quickly took an offensive turn when it was revealed that the bag also contained a piece of paper imploring the people to join the Ku Klux Klan! Can’t a person enjoy some discarded street candy these days without being bombarded with racist propaganda?!

The piece of paper said, “Save Our Land, Join the Klan,” and listed a number to call for KKK recruitment. Robert Jones, a KKK member with the whitest name possible, said that the effort was part of their thrice annual recruiting event.

Here’s where Bob Jones led the KKK astray – all the candy in the bag was white; Smarties and peppermints. BIG time botch here by the KKK. Anyone who knows anything about candy knows that the best candy is going to be brown or black. I understand their commitment to all things white, but when it comes to candy, I think it’s okay to bend the rules. You’re not gonna influence people’s worldview with Smarties and peppermints.

While I’d stick to my progressive beliefs if Smarties and peppermints are the bait, the same cannot be said for dark chocolate covered gummi bears, Ferrero Rochers, cherry cordials, Milky Way Darks, or Reese’s peanut butter cups. I’d be willing to contemplate going racist for a haul like that. Step your game up, KKK. Either evolve your candy choices, or let this country continue its downward spiral. Your call.