We’ve got a big weekend ahead of us, boys and one girl who reads this site, and while I unfortunately can’t highlight everything, I can help you pick out what will be worth your while. And yes, that’s my way of saying that I will shortly be telling you what time the Oregon game will be on tomorrow so you can sit in your favorite recliner with a pizza box on your lap.

Women’s Volleyball: Florida State at Miami – 7:30 PM ET on ESPNU

I know, it’s not football, but for those of you who follow me on Twitter – at least through the Olympics – you know how much work I do to raise awareness for #volleyballbutts. It’s a very serious issue in this country. Don’t believe me? See for yourself…

Exactly. Support amateur #volleyballbutts.

WWE Smackdown – 8 PM ET on SyFy

Who is on Smackdown these days? Tune in tonight and find out, because I don’t have a f*cking clue.

NCAA Football: Utah at Utah State – 8 PM ET on ESPN2

On one hand, you can complain about this being a boring matchup. On the other hand, it means football on a Friday night. Maybe you should be like me and stay in and rest before crying for 3 hours as your favorite college team gets split like a prison snitch tomorrow.

Not bad.

Gruden’s QB Camp – 2:30 AM ET on ESPN 2

For the drunks who don’t know much about football and would like to know less.

NCAA Football: UCF at Ohio State – Noon ET on ESPN 2

I have a bet with my friend that UCF will lose by at least 42. I know, I’m the best fan ever.

If you have questions about your fantasy team, you can always Tweet at me and I’ll tell you what my gut says. Or you can watch this and do the complete opposite.

The NFL Today – Noon ET on CBS

CBS, the lesser of 4 evils.

NFL: Miami Dolphins at Houston Texans – 1 PM ET on CBS (Regional)

Obviously, you’ll watch whichever game is available in your market, unless you have the NFL package, in which case, OOH LA LA YOUR MAJESTY! But I have a feeling that I and 95% of the people who had the No. 1 pick in their fantasy drafts will be watching the beginning of this game with atomic blood pressure.