About Me

Saturday, June 18, 2011

There are better ways of standing up for our freedoms than parading around in small, tight clothes

Okay before we get into all this ‘Slut Walk’ business, let’s get two things straight.

One: a woman’s right to refuse sex is – and must remain – undisputed. It doesn’t matter what she is wearing; how she is behaving; how much she has been drinking; why she came back to a hotel room with the guy in the first place; or even, why she allowed him to kiss and fondle her.

If she wants to say no – no matter at what stage in the proceedings – she has an absolute right to do so. And any man who ignores that is guilty of rape.

That is something that we are all agreed upon: Yes means yes; and no means no.

It doesn’t matter if she is provocatively dressed. It doesn’t matter if she is walking down a rough street alone. It doesn’t matter if she is drunk. It doesn’t matter if she is out late at night. It doesn’t matter if she is sexually active. It doesn’t matter if she is ‘promiscuous’. It doesn’t matter if she is a sex worker.

No woman ever ‘asks’ for it. Never ever.

But my question is this: do we really need to parade our streets in small, tight clothes to reinforce these two messages?

In case you have been living on a different planet for the last month, this is how it all began. A policeman in Canada suggested that “women should avoid dressing like sluts” in order not to be victimised. This led to widespread outrage and a world-wide movement to reclaim the word ‘slut’ for women who wanted the freedom to dress the way they wanted.

Women organised Slut Walks all over the world, during which they walked the streets wearing short skirts, bikini tops and the like to assert their right to dress provocatively – and to reinforce the message that this did not justify rape.

Well, duh, of course it doesn’t. But if you ask me, all this ‘slut talk’ (not to mention Slut Walk) seems to be missing the point somewhat.

Let’s assume for a moment that a woman has the right to dress like a porn goddess if she so desires. That she has the right to cavort in public all day long, dressed like that. And that if the men around stare and leer or treat her as a ‘sex object’ then they are infringing on her right to dress any way she pleases.

Now, let’s turn it around. Let’s also grant men the right to display pornographic images wherever they please – at work, at home, on public transport – because, well, they enjoy looking at them. Let’s allow them to crack dirty jokes all day long or make sexually explicit comments because, hey, they love doing that. How long do you think it would be before the ladies start complaining?

Okay, maybe that’s a bit extreme. So, let’s take a step back and allow men to put their own flesh on display if they feel so inclined. They can whip off their shirts at the office; show the crack of their bums on the streets; and go dancing in nightclubs sporting just their underwear. Yes, I agree, it won’t be long before the women start crying foul.

So, what we are effectively saying is that women have the right to sexualise their environment if they feel like it. But the men around them must do nothing of this sort – for fear of being dismissed as Neanderthals and hit with a sexual harassment action for good measure.

Double standards, anyone?

Let’s look at this another way. Let’s say you decide that it is your right as a law-abiding citizen to leave your front door unlocked when you go out. Is this likely to attract the attention of your friendly neighbourhood burglar? Probably. Is it more likely that you will be robbed as a consequence? Of course.

Does this mean that the thief who robbed you is not guilty? Of course he is. Does it follow that you bear no responsibility for what happened? Of course you do.

You turned yourself into an easier target because of your actions – and you have to take the rap for that. Every choice we make has consequences; and we have to keep those consequences in mind every time we make a choice.

So, no one is denying women the right to dress any way they feel like. But if you dress to be noticed, then don’t complain when you are noticed. If you dress to attract attention, then you must be reconciled to the fact that you can’t control what kind of attention you will attract. None of this can be used as a justification for rape – but yes, freedom does come with responsibility.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how the best way to target a woman was to attack her sexuality. And one of the words thrown around by such people was, yes, you guessed it, ‘slut’. So pardon me if I see no reason to adopt the word as a badge of honour rather than slam it for the sexist abuse it is.

And hence, I say to all the ladies who have been sending me invitations to participate in the Delhi Slut Walk: Go take a walk if you want to. But I’m no slut; and I will be damned before I ever refer to myself as one.

i agree with the point raised by this article but am clearly not buying ur words as i quote "You turned yourself into an easier target because of your actions – and you have to take the rap for that. Every choice we make has consequences; and we have to keep those consequences in mind every time we make a choice".. this kinda made me uncomfortable or rather angry.. i know u dont support such view ..it was just focusing on point that slut walk was mere raw retaliation. but yes certainly no, never means no, never no matter at any point

I find it curious that so many women are defending the world wide rape cultural attitudes by saying things like "Rape is never ever a woman’s fault...BUT"

http://www.womankind.org.uk/about/why-women/statistics/

I get the impression that how people dress and the word Slut are far more objectionable and unacceptable to some people than the violation of human bodies.

Clothes will never stop a rapist, as those who have been raped wearing burqas, saris,or jeans and jumpers, will testify. Men, children and elderly people are also raped.

Human beings are not 'things'. You cannot lock human beings in safe deposit boxes, or expect them not to walk in the street. Women cannot stop criminals being violent towards them any more than a man can.

If a man shows his penis, at what point does it become public property to damage if anyone wishes? Our human bodies belong to us from the day we are born.

If you leave your front door unlocked it never means that you are inviting burglary. You commit no crime. You are not responsible for someone elses criminality. As upsetting as having your home intruded upon is, and your stuff taken never to be seen again,there is no comparison to someone invading your body. Things are things, people are people.

How do you think it feels to be raped? How would you cope if you were raped right now? How would it feel if you were then accused of causing your own rape, and excuses made for the perpetrator? This is what happens to victims all over the world. Victims are silenced because of these attitudes, not just because of our justice systems, but because of the pervasive attitudes of ordinary people. We are all percieved as sluts by rapists, and all treated as if we are sluts after rape.

I think perhaps you have missed the point of the Slutwalks.

There are many influences in our society that contribute to rape culture and attitudes like victim blaming. A world wide system of impunity is one of them. It doesn't mean that the system is right...just destructively pervasive.

People often dress up for protest marches ~ carnival style,but don't usually dress this way from day to day. Evidently you have not looked at many of the photographs of people on the Slutwalks as there are plently of people dressed in perfectly ordinary clothes.

However you feel about dress and the word Slut, I hope you can get past them and become able to focus on the central issue that you yourself say you agree with.

I'm surprised, is it really you? Wow, you're one lady and an author I simply admire. This very morning I had echoed my admiration for you after reading this article in Brunch, "she is so amazing. So straight-forward in her expression". Total 'in-your-face' stuff, bound to leave the target speechless. And this particular piece of writing made for total bliss, since I finally found in it the exact words for my own opinion on this 'slut walk' business. Kudos.I am a blogger and a decent number of people follow me, this, however shall be the only blog I'd like to follow. (pardon the lack of modesty, please:P)

I agree with you Seema, and the point you are conveying through this article. Somehow I feel, we have started using liberty too much in our favor that such slut walks or anything of this sort will not help much in the cause. Here, I am not only specific to girls but even guys. Just that for guys, there are always a lot of criticizers ready to jump in with their comments.

Nice post Seema. It is not necessary to walk in skimpy clothes and start calling yourself sluts just to prove your point. Next thing you know is we are on the streets to legalize incest and calling ourselves god knows what.

.. and a reply to the comment above me by some 'Anonymous':

first of all, if you have something to say (especially something strong) and have the audacity to call yourself a slut, have guts to mention your name and come forward. besides you said, "If you leave your front door unlocked it never means that you are inviting burglary. You commit no crime. You are not responsible for someone elses criminality."

OF COURSE YOU ARE !!! You cant blame just a thief because you knowingly left your door open and valuable available to be carried away in your unlocked car outside your home. Why dont you just just blindfold yourself and run in the streets and when a car hits you, just blame the driver saying, "It is your right to walk blindly and its not justified to blame you for driver's 'ciriminality' !"

GROW UP !!!You dont need to call yourself a slut to give out a message. Rape is a sensitive thing and you should think about it more sincerely than just being worried about what a lame ass cop in some stupid country called you. People will keep calling everyone everything... will you dress up as everything as you will feel offended to??

You want to wear short clothes, no one is asking you not to. Just because a few people have a narrow mentality, you dont have to get all worked up and do something stupid.

I love your articles in Brunch...that's a definite must read on a Sun morning for me...I'm glad there are people with sound common sense in this world, still! I really think common sense is a fast depleting attribute, these days!

I must tell you that I have immense respect for you and that is why I am astonished to find you of all women reading "Slut Walk" in these lines.... The very fact that why slut walk (Besharmi Morcha ) is going to take its course is to demean the word SLUT. Your take on the word SLUT seems to be disturbing as it is a heavy word for you to reconcile with! Well, Ms. Goswami, what more can be said that a woman who has the power to influence others' opinions is actually not realizing the importance of such a protest and is treating it as a sham or a mere baywatch!

My thoughts exactly. There is no doubt in my mind that any act that goes beyond the consent of one party (yes, it could be the man too, at least theoretically :-)) is NOT ALLOWED and anything after the consent is withdrawn IS force and rape. However, the example that you have given in your post is exactly the one that comes to mind. It is my FUNDAMENTAL right too to leave my door unlocked but I don't in recognition of the fact that I can scream myself hoarse that it is the thief's fault and he/she is the criminal, but we are dealing with human nature and all the years of civilisation and legal evolution have not curbed all the basic instincts. OK, if my material possessions are not as precious as my body (as one comment pointed out), lets take another example. How often have we felt angry at someone violating a traffic law and putting your life in danger with some rash driving? And yet, we have always been advised not to join issue cos you never know what sort of physical violence the other person may indulge in. There have been cases of people being shot at in a fit of rage. So in spite of being in the right, it may not always be wise to exercise the right. Hasn't it been said that Discretion is often the better part of Valour?

Such protests are not going to rid human kind of commiting crimes, as much as my being cautious is NOT a justification or condoning of someone's criminal act.

I also believe this issue is much more complex than it seems cause at the end of the day we are dealing with the vagaries of the human mind, which by its nature is difficult to control. Suppose for example, a couple begins engaging in a consensual act, but mid-way one of the partner's wishes to discontinue. But say the other partner cajoles and given the moment of passion, the first party relents, maybe even reluctantly. Does this become rape the next day, when the first party reflects on the act? Should he/she be allowed to accuse the other party in such a case?

At the end of the day, it's all about drawing a balance to ensure we all live safer, healthier lives. It's not always about right or wrong, fair or unfair.

You almost remind me of Dr. Helen Smith and Amy Alkon Seemaji. The way you put yourself in the shoes of men to see their point of view and to bring out the double standards in the treatment of men and women(harshness towards men and softness towards women) is really admirable. Very few women in India actually have such a fair mind.

Hi, I am an advertising professional and am trying to look at slut-walk from a campaign point of view. In my mind its nothing but an advertising campaign to get the point across. Some campaigns have to be provocative because the issue on hand is quite grave. 'Slut-walk' in my mind is such a provocative campaign that is achieving 2 objectives at one go 1) Discussing the issue of whether you should leave your home(bodies) open and let a burglar run amok2) Discussing the campaign itself which invariably leads up to the discussion of the issue for the campaign.The very fact that so many people are talking about it means it has been a successful campaign. Not every campaign can change behaviour or attempts to change behaviour. Some are meant to just generate talkability and make people realise the seriousness of the issue

I read your article carefully, did something else, returned, read it carefully again. I don't want to react, but respond.

I think your article misses the whole point of a slutwalk. From how I understand it, the slutwalk challenges precisely this kind of thinking. It is so ingrained in us, that we see nothing wrong with it.

I don't wish to counter this point by point because it would take a full article, but I want to share one protest that happened in the northeast, where activists stripped naked in front of Army soldiers to protest rapes. Do you consider this to mean that the activists were saying that the women had the right to seduce soldiers?

If not, then how does the logic in your article come about?

There is a very concerning disregard for the well being of a woman and strong moral judgments about their intent. Is it true that the women walking in the slutwalk from kids to grandmothers and men are all being provocative? Or do you only see the women doing that, when all people are invited to do the walk?

Concerning because you are a woman. In holding these beliefs, I wonder what you do to yourself. The conditions to deserve respect that should be unconditional.

Absolutely enjoyed reading this piece. One of the more sensible writings on this whole topic.

All I have to say is, it is not your fault if a shark bites you, it is the shark's, but that does not mean you should go swimming in shark-infested waters expecting that you'll be all right.

While rape is undoubtedly the crime of the rapist, it makes no sense to invite trouble upon yourself and then cry foul if a cop points out the truth.

Theft is the thief's fault, but will you invite theft upon yourselves when you step out, by leaving your front door unlocked? People must take what precaution they can. Drunk rapists will undoubtedly target a 'sluttily' dressed girl in a dark alley, whereas it is possible that they'd have let a conservatively dressed one walk by.

What is the masculine word for a slut? A word as derogatory. A word so dehumanizing it makes rape possible. A word that makes excuses and moral judgement of the victim by decent people who condemn rape possible. There isn't one. A sexually provocative man is never dehumanized; a sexually provocative woman is. If society wants a separate word for a sexually active and provocative woman, its welcome to coin one, but it has no right to give derogatory and dehumanizing connotations to the word. These women march not to assert their right to 'sexualize their environment' but to be sexual in their environment without being raped, eve teased and morally judged.

You say that No means No, women shouldn't be raped no matter what they wear or how they behave but then you equate a woman dressing sexily to "an unlocked house which will be robbed and its the owner's fault for not locking it properly"

Do you really think that it is okay for men to make women feel uncomfortable and ashamed for wearing mini-skirts, tank tops and the like as long as they don't rape them?that if a woman doesn't like being center of attention she should avoid wearing "short clothes"?

I feel sorry for anyone who accepts this to be right in the name of "society" or "way of the world" the fact is we live in a country where women are teased, rudely gawked at, and harassed irrespective of their clothing. Wearing a "salwar-kameez" doesn't ensure a girl from being the victim of ogling and eve teasing let alone rape. so yeah to use your analogy of the "burglar and the house" in our country the burglars will keep burgling even if you build a moat around your house.

The problem is not how women should dress or act to protect themselves, the problem is how do we create a society where women feel safe and are respected no matter what they wear or how they act.

"If she wants to say no – no matter at what stage in the proceedings – she has an absolute right to do so. And any man who ignores that is guilty of rape."

google "30 second rapist".

"Well, duh, of course it doesn’t. But if you ask me, all this ‘slut talk’ (not to mention Slut Walk) seems to be missing the point somewhat."

lmao, all feminism is missing the point.

"No woman ever ‘asks’ for it. Never ever."

asks for what? rape? rape rape? What antiquated notions are we dealing with here?

---------------------------------

"What is the masculine word for a slut? "

What's the feminine word for loser?Or creep?

"The problem is not how women should dress or act to protect themselves, the problem is how do we create a society where women feel safe and are respected no matter what they wear or how they act."

Why not men too? And no, I won't respect a woman wearing anything she wants. As a matter of fact, I won't respect her even if she wears the most respectable dress there ever can be, if she has a mind comparable to yours.

How do we then create your ideal society? Castrate all men? Or include "don't judge me, you neanderthal" sensitivity courses in school curriculums?I think castration is the solution!!

"Do you really think that it is okay for men to make women feel uncomfortable and ashamed for wearing mini-skirts, tank tops and the like as long as they don't rape them?"

And how do we know that it isn't women who are the ones making other women uncomfortable?

"Violence against women and girls is a problem of pandemic proportions. At least one out of every three women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime with the abuser usually someone known to her "

Umm such kind of stupid and mendacious statistics are the real pandemics.

"There are many influences in our society that contribute to rape culture and attitudes like victim blaming. "

The so-called "rape culture" is a myth, something that happens when too many bored women are given a place in academia.

http://falserapesociety.blogspot.com/2009/05/valedictorian-of-uc-berkeley-tells.htmland oh one more statistic:

"Globally, 10 million more girls are out of school than boys"

LMAO look at the college gap in the so-called gender equal countries. BS upon BS.

Ms. Goswami, despite my criticisms, I liked your column. It's a shame that voices such as yours will be swamped by idiots believing in feminist gender theory and the lies it puts out. I wish I am wrong.

You said, "Let’s assume for a moment that a woman has the right to dress like a porn goddess if she so desires."And you said turning that around would be letting men display porn wherever they wish to see it.But even then, how would that be turning things around. Its emphasizes more on the fact that men are obsessed with sex and if given a chance would spend all day doing that. So the way a women pleases to dress has nothing to do with it.

And when you actually turn it around to say that when men display flesh, the ladies don't want to see it.So then again, how is that the women's fault. It just shows that a women is not going to sleep with a man just because he shows more skin.

Leaving a door open is not the same as women wearing lesser clothes.If the door is locked, there is a chance that the burglar won't be able to break in. But if a man has a dirty mind, the way a woman dresses (or leaves her door unlocked) can do nothing to stop it, right?

“What we are effectively saying is that women have the right to sexualize their environment if they feel like it,” wrote Ms. Goswami. “But the men around them must do nothing of this sort – for fear of being dismissed as Neanderthals and hit with a sexual harassment action.” . Ms. Goswami made the right point. These walks conflate a very serious issue (rape) with a very divisive one (a woman’s choice of attire.) Rape is to be condemned. But its pathology is manifold. Sexual provocation is increasingly one among the major reasons for it. In the perverse logical delusion that is the individualistic liberation theology, with its trivialsation of the concept of empowerment; cultures such as India, have allowed a minority of upper class and upwardly mobile women, to foist incongruent social standards and subversions on a largely conservative society. They have misconstrued liberalism to mean open licence to licentiousness. This culture is now visible in the corporate corridors as well as on college campuses. Not grounded in the sources and causes of Indic value systems and with an ignorance compounded by the facile internalisation of occidental social trends; this demographic of IT professionals, media consultants and ill informed social ‘activists’ have painted themselves as saviors of moral reformed. They are quite the contrary. Amoral at best, and immoral and prevaricating mostly, they have weakened the very foundations of Indian society. Not just by their advocacy of such dubious agendae, but also by not addressing the real issues that are exploding exponentially across India. The left inspired violence is not in isolation of this lack of foresight.

YOUR ARTICLE IS GOOD FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO UNDERSTAND. freedom MUST BE WITH RESPONSIBILITY. WE CAN NOT FOLLOW UNCHECKED FREEDOM. THE HUMAN BODY IS MOST PRECIOUS GOD GIFT, PRICELESS WORTH UNCOUNTABLE WEALTH, IF WE HAVE TO SAVE 50 RUPEES IN PURSE SO THAT PICK POCKETS CAN NOT TAKE AWAY, THEN WHY NOT SUCH A PRICELESS ONE.

First of all, nice comments Seema. I totally agree on what you are saying. I feel these youngster wants to promote nudity in the name of rape. They don't know what they are upto. Instead of promoting this stupid walk, I think people should work on the real solution. Its about time. These people are themselves saying that dressing is nowhere related to rape, then why the hell are they misleading people. Why can't they work on the real solution? Give punishment to the rapist in front of everyone(may not be death), this way even the illiterate would come to know about the crime done & the punishment given. Otherwise when you publish news in newspapers, the real criminal never come to know whether punishment is given or not. Because they are all illiterate. As simple as anything. Wake up and stop this publicity stunt.

I am a man, and I consider it deplorable that some amongst you think that I am so weak as to consider raping someone just because they are dressed provocatively. If I want to rape a woman, call her a bitch, a slut who was asking for it, the clothes she wore will be irrelevant. Her very act of walking on a public street will be enough to signify to me how much she was asking it. If I do not want to rape a girl, she could get naked and sit on my lap, and I wouldn't care.

Rather than keeping your door locked to prevent theft, shouldn't we focus on getting rid of the theives so that we can keep our doors open?

I congratulate you seema Ji, what an excellent expression you have given and made a very lgical points. This is what we need to understand, but unfortunately the this complete thinking process is rarely being appreciated by mass. Moreover it is also not being communicated in mass through TV channel or other media sources.

I agree with point one; but not entirely with point two. Also, I don't believe in anyone's "right to dress provocatively". We are a civil society and we should behave properly in public. In private, we can enjoy our right to privacy in whatever we way we want.

I very much agree with you the way you explained "double standards", and also the problems in granting the right to anyone to dress or behave like a porn-star, in public. And the idea of a "Slut Walk" by any so called pro-women group seems sad to me.

@Rover: Slut is used mostly when 'bitching'; but now the word has gained popularity thanks to the new form of 'walking'.

@Mr. Truth: You sound like the real pervert on the street. Scary. Hope there aren't many of your sort!

As most studies show men think about sex most of the time. This could be true about animals too (if only one could know for sure). The difference lies in the fact that man is a thinking animal, which makes him less dangerous or maybe more dangerous. It is definitely not the way you dress that's the problem, its perception. And only education and exposure to different lifestyles can change perceptions. A 'slutwalk' will definitely give a chance for debates which have very little outcome. Mother's, sister's and all women folk in general have to deal with their son's, brother's, husbands and boyfriends with more care and concern. The whole of society is in the hands of Women. A Society Reflects Its Women!!If women are treated with respect it shows. And there is no perfect setting anywhere in the world. Rapists are common in the free US as well as the not so free countries of the world.

Seema Ji - I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the article. Its good to know that some girl (like) you have mind.. otherwise I have always seen girls and boys following any damm shit which was produced outside India....

Good cause but wrong direction. Can't we Indians avoid to be copy cats. Is it necessary to tag that "slut" word to Indian women's. Is it the only word left to describe their identity.

Moreover, what kind of benefit this so called slut walk, gives to our society.Rather then walking together to Delhi CM house and asking her, whether she is capable of providing security to our city women's or not, and asks her to provide a security blueprint to make women's feel safe, they move on to no result destination.

From reading above comments, this slut walk started bec'z one policeman advices a women try wearing clothes in a proper manner to avoid unnecessary attention. Why he said so? May be just to guide that girl, as a senior person like father or else. But does it means he was challenging her authority to wear clothes as she like. No, not at all.

All this, somewhat seems to be looks like, when a reporter throws a shoe on G.Bush & later on it become trend. And here also it feels to be somewhat like that.

But I feel it is something more. No doubt about fighting against sexual harassment is right but here a organizer of this slut walk, is a student of Journalism. She may have thinked that ok, lets raise a issue which gets instant support and media attention, and hence add something to her journalistic achievements. Is there any one, who deny this girl, by next time she visits any media company for a job with this "slut walk" controversy in her profile? I feel no, bec'z she was succeeded in getting it controversial.

Anyway, being a man, I only able to support any good cause for our women respect but how to maintain it, is left with our Nation women, whether they like to called themselves as "Slut or Bhartiya Nari", as there r many great symbols or words to describe Indian women and we don't need any western name adding to it.