I went to Marks and Spencer yesterday for a spot of lunch and bought this Deli antipasti stuff:

Most of it was OK but the olives were really weird and I felt the need to complain to M&S customer services but I couldn’t find an email for them so instead wrote to Mr Marc Boland, Chief Executive, as he was probably on the ball with this kind of stuff.

marc.bolland@marks-and-spencer.com

Subject: Bitter olives

Dear Marc

I was in one of your shops in Glasgow and I bought a packet of antipasti olives and they were really bitter and I was all like “by Mark’s and Spencer’s unusually high standards, these olives are very poor”. So I thought that you, being Chief Executive, would like to hear about my experience.

When I went back to the office, I wasn’t sure if it was just me being all hyper sensitive because I’m a world class food blogger, so I gave one to my boss, Dave, who’s face contorted into a painful mass of anger, fear, confusion and revulsion. I asked if I could take a picture so you could see just how bitter the olives were but he wouldn’t let me.

Instead I got him to draw a picture of himself being all repulsed by the olive menace:

“I haven’t tasted anything this bitter since Paul Gascoine scored that jammy goal against us at Wembley”

I think this is a very important matter to draw to your attention; as a loyal customer of the salad bar section I admire your impeccable attention to detail and fine taste in dressings (not dresses, oh Mark! haha, lol)

Any feedback in this matter and a refund of the £2 I paid for the item would be great.

Right food fans, they’re having an office bake-in (or bake-off, I dunno which) next week and I need ideas for what to bake and feed my colleagues. Must be edible, interesting and not likely to get me fired.

ps, have some er, very colourful music from Japan that isn’t Babymetal