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"What, for goodness sake," asks a confounded reader named Phil, "is the secret for turning a pleasant encounter with a woman into a next meeting?"

It seems that Phil, like millions of vigilant male observers of the female mind, has strained with eyes peeled to decode the complex array of signals required to negotiate the hostile terrain of the initial ask out.

Like Phil, we have stood before doe-eyed enchantresses in bars, malls, offices and grocery stores exchanging flirtations while searching for that tilt of the head, that inexplicable quality of gaze, that sonorous lilt in the voice that invites promise.

Should it appear, our brains scramble to find the right combination of words that will speak to the heart. Or at least avoid personal humiliation.

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Knowing no more than Phil about how to accomplish this, we have consulted the experts. Their wisdom ranges from the ridiculous to the revelatory.

Among the volumes of published literature on the subject are such esteemed titles as How To Succeed With Women by Ron Louis and David Copeland. In a chapter called Flirting Without Disaster, the learned authors advise us of a big hurdle.

"A woman's first concern is that you are going to assault, rape, or kill her."

Sheesh. This may be harder than we realized.

Next, assume an adversarial position.

"Some women want to fight, and will do almost anything to provoke it," the authors advise. "Women who are very `into' women's issues and who love to talk about how much men have hurt women will want combat with you....Get rid of her and move on."

In How to Pick Up Beautiful Women, John Eagan, a self-proclaimed "expert who has studied the mating rituals of men and women for two decades," provides a top 10 list of opening lines, including: "I've never really said this to anyone before but I just felt I had to tell you – you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

This is to quickly followed by "May I join you?" spoken strictly for rhetorical purposes.

"Don't' wait for her to answer the question," he writes. "Her mind is now in the `yes' mode from your compliment. If you actually give her time to think about it, you will lose the edge."

And if you have any trouble undertaking such subterfuge with sincerity, he provides another "secret" – learn the skills of good acting in order to "enhance your expression of sincerity."

The literary dating message is clear: Machiavellian cunning and duplicity are key.

To probe further, we sought the input of about a dozen female consultants. Their overwhelming response: Everything stated above is condescending nonsense.

The real secret, they agree, is to be genuine and specific.

The typical go-to guy query – "Can I call you sometime?" – is rubbish, they say, unworthy of the breath required to utter it.

"Thumbs-down," deadpans Laurie, 36. "My answer is `no.' I want to hear from a guy, `I want to see you again. Can I take you out Thursday night?' My answer to that is always `yes.'"

And why does simply adding the word "Thursday" to an invitation change the game so dramatically?

"It's irritating to have to wait and wonder," Darla, 30, says. "And I hate the last-minute invite. We want security. And we want to look fabulous."

Cinematic insights from female-targeted romantic comedies appear to back this up.

The generally painful He's Just Not That Into You, for example, includes a bar room scene in which a business chap concludes an encounter with a lovelorn single woman with the old "I'd like to call you sometime" default.

Burned before by such unfulfilled propositions, she chases after him, probing when that call will happen and the specific protocols for who is responsible for calling whom.

Predictably, it goes south from there.

Michelle, 38, says she actually held on to a doomed relationship much longer than she otherwise would because her then-boyfriend had mastered the art of concrete, specific date making.

As confusing as this minutia might be to the male mind, the act of making a reservation also seems to carry shockingly disproportionate impact.

"If a guy makes a restaurant reservation, even if it isn't needed, wow," says Nayla, 33.

"It makes you feel like he made the 10-second effort of calling. It's nice."

Ten seconds well invested, it seems.

Beware, also, a move we shall call the premature invitation, defined by 29-year-old Anu as an ask out that comes within minutes of meeting.

"It can't happen that quick. There has to be some sort of conversation and connection. "

A better approach, she says, is a little ditty we shall dub the temporary mission abort: Establish an engaging connection at a bar or a party, then leave her to mingle with others at the very moment she suspects you might pop the ask out.

"We don't want to get something too easily," she concedes. "Leave us thinking about it, then come back later to close the deal. If there's something there, we'll be waiting your return."

Other miscellaneous observations from a withering array of female dating complaints: Never speak ill of mom or well of exes.

Accordingly, the absolute worst thing you can say on your first encounter is: "I can't stand my mom because she won't shut up about how much she loves my ex."

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