ON HIATUS, SORRY. Summary: After Harry's 5th year, he is given an unexpected surprise. He can finally live the life he's always wanted, but is this really what he wanted? LJ alive fic- mostly Harry and James.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. All locations, items, spells, charters, ect. are more likly property of J.K. Rowling.

Author's note: I'll try to update as much as possible, but I do type quite slow and have been rather busy lately. I will never abandon the story though unless I absolutly have to. If you review, please be honest if you think my fanfiction is terrible so far. Also, I already have almost 2 notebooks full of writing for this fanfic, I just am getting lazy on typing... Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, it's my first fanfiction.

Chapter 1: Back to Grimmauld Place

It was a sunny July morning at Number Four, Privet Drive. Harry was awoken by the sound of his uncle screaming, "ENOUGH RUDDY OWLS! ONE MORE PETUNIA AND I'M SENDING THAT BOY OUT OF OUR HOUSE!" Harry was used to his uncle's screaming, but thought it would be much wiser to wait awhile, before going to get some breakfast. He was also quite angry at the moment and didn't want to have a row with his uncle, knowing of course it may cost him his meals that week.

Before he was awoken, Harry was having a wonderful dream, which was a very rare occasion for him as a fifteen year old boy. He dreamt he was playing quittich, not at Hogwarts, but at a house. Harry had no memory of a house like this, but he felt as though he had seen it somewhere or been there before. Across the pitch, Harry saw what looked like his father on a broom, the golden snitch between them. However, before Harry could find out who caught the snitch, he was awoken. Harry was now laying on his bed thinking about the dream, pondering who may have caught the snitch, also thinking about how much he looked like his father, James.

Then a brown barn owl swooped in carrying a piece of parchment. The owl landed on Harry's bed and he pulled the letter off. He opened the letter and noticed it was from Dumbledore. Harry felt a little angry that Dumbledore had not contacted him with any information since before the summer break at Hogwarts. Last year, Harry heard the prophecy made about him and Voldemort and Harry now knew that he had to duel Voldemort during his life and one of them had to die. Harry felt that he should get to hear all the information the Order has, but for some reason no one was telling him just like last year. Maybe this letter would have information; Harry picked up the letter and read:

Dear Harry,

The members of the Order and I are beginning to think your aunt and uncle's house may not be the safest place for you over the summer. We have decided that you would be much safer at Headquarters- Harry stopped reading and though about Sirius, and if he, Harry had not been so dumb as to fall for Voldemort's trick, Sirius would still be alive. He defiantly did not want to return to Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, the one place full of memories of Sirius. He picked up the letter and continued to read:

where they will be wizards to help protect you. - Great, Harry thought, now everyone thinks I'm a little child that needs protection and can't watch out for myself. He continued to read:

A few Order members will be arriving at your home later today to pick you up, so try to be packed by then. I have already notified your aunt and uncle, so they don't worry- "Like they would really care I something happened to me, they'd probably be happy" Harry muttered to himself.

We may answer a few of your questions when you arrive. We also have a surprise for you, but you will have to wait until you get here to see it. See you soon, Harry.Sincerely,Professor Dumbledore

Harry picked up the letter and re-read it. I'm defiantly not looking forward to returning to Grimmauld Place he thought to himself. But on the plus side he was going to get to ask some questions and Dumbledore said something about a surprise, plus he would be leaving the Dursleys for the summer, which was always a great thing.

Harry looked around his room and noticed everything was already packed and Hedwig was sitting in her cage. Harry pulled on a pair of Dudley's old jeans and a t-shirt and walked downstairs. Harry walked into the kitchen and grabbed a waffle off the plate on the counter; there was no syrup though because Dudley was still on his diet. No one seemed to notice Harry and he was actually quite used to it. He walked back upstairs eating a second waffle, glad that he didn't have to talk to the Dursleys.

Around five, Harry heard his uncle yelling, "Potter! Get down here right now!"

"Oh great, now what did I do?" Harry muttered to himself as he walked down the stairs.

His uncle was in the living room and motioned for Harry to come into the kitchen. His uncle spoke first, quickly and quietly.

"When will those… those Freaks be getting here?"

Harry was about to argue that wizards are not freaks, but noticed his uncle was already in a bad mood and just replied, "I'm not sure, all they told me is that they are coming today."

Harry could tell his uncles face was getting more purple than before.

"Well, will they be arriving the normal way?"

Harry thought about this first and decided his uncle meant the normal way for muggles- cars.

"I don't know." replied Harry honestly, although he figured they would not be taking cars.

Harry looked up at his uncle and could tell he was getting ever angrier.

"Very well, you can go!" said his uncle trying to remain calm.

Harry turned around to go when suddenly he heard a loud "Crack!" Then, he heard his aunt drop a plate with a loud "Crash!" and more cracking. Harry turned around and saw Remus Lupin, Arthur Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, 'Mad-Eye' Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt and to his surprise, Fred and George Weasley. Harry remained silent, quite unsure of what to say. In the other room he heard his uncle shouting, "Why can't they just come the normal way?" Harry laughed quietly and turned around to face the members of the Order.

"Er- hi," said Harry.

"He's alive!" replied Lupin.

Everyone including Harry laughed.

"How do we know this is really him?" asked Moody.

"Well, it looks like him to me!" screamed Tonks.

"Yes, but someone could be using a Polyjuice Potion," said Moody.

Moody started muttering to himself about what happened in Harry's fourth year.

"We could ask him something only him and the Order would know." suggested Fred and George in unison.

"Okay, a question only Harry and the Order would know. Umm…" started Lupin. "I know! Okay Harry, what are the names and animagi of the four marauders?"

Lupin could tell by the look on Harry's face that he was uncomfortable answering this question and regretted asking it.

"Well, that's not a very good question. I'll pick a new one." said Lupin.

"No," said Harry "I'll answer the Marauder question."

Harry regretted saying this, but knew he'd have to think of Sirius anyway when he arrived at Grimmauld Place later, and he didn't want the Order he wasn't mature enough to handle Sirius death. All the Order members present looked worried, probably that Harry would get angry and start yelling at he usually did, especially now with so many memories of Sirius.

"Okay," said Harry nervously "there was you, Remus Lupin and you animagi is a werewolf during full moons." To Harry's delight, no one seemed to think Lupin being a werewolf was odd. "Also," continued Harry "the marauders called you Moony."

"Then," Harry said "there is Peter Pettigrew, who the marauders called Wormtail and his animagi is a rat." Harry thought about Wormtail joining sides with Voldemort, how he sold Harry's parents to him and helped kill Sirius by giving Voldemort some information. This angered Harry, but he decided to cool down. He looked around and saw the Order looking very frightened, probably because they knew Harry would not want to discuss the next two marauders- his dad and Sirius.

Harry continued, "The third marauder was-was m-my dad, James Potter. The marauders called him Prongs, because of his stag animagi."

Harry was beginning to look upset now. The Order took notice and prepared themselves for Harry's reaction to saying Sirius as a marauder. They considered saying his answer was enough, but thought he should get a chance to answer hoping that it may make him feel better about Sirius' death.

"T-the l-l-last m-maurader w-was S-S-S-Sir--- I CAN'T DO THIS!" Harry shouted as he ran upstairs with tears flowing down his face. He ran into his room slamming the door shut and locking it.

The Order members looked around at each other frightened and confused

"I'm really sorry!" said Lupin. "I should have known better than to bring up a question about Sirius."

"It's okay Remus," said Arthur. "I'm sure you just thought Harry would be ready to answer it."

"Should we go up there and talk to him?" asked Tonks.

"No, not yet," said Arthur. "he needs a chance to cool down first."

"Shall I see an owl to Dumbledore and the rest or the Order?" asked Mad-Eye. "We are obviously going to be late."

"Yes, that would be a great idea." said Kingsley.

"Yes, and tell him Harry is upset about Sirius, so he doesn't bring it up like me" said Lupin sadly.

"Once again, Remus, it's NOT your fault!" said Kingsley.

Moody left the room and came back ten minutes later.

"I sent the owl." said Moody.

"Great, thanks." said the rest of the Order.

"Did he cool off yet?" asked Moody.

"I'm not sure, but he's still up there." said Arthur and Kingsley.

"I think he may be cooled off a bit though." said Tonks.

"Shall we go talk to him now then?" asked Moody.

"I don't think we should all go." said Tonks.

"I'll go!" said Remus. "I knew his father and Sirius best, so I may be the most comforting to him."

"Okay, good luck!" said the Order members.

Lupin walked up the stairs and stopped when he heard crying coming from Harry's room. Harry was screaming to himself.

"It all my fault Sirius died!" -sniff- "Why was I stupid enough to fall for his trick?" -sniff- "I should have listened to Hermione!" -sniff- "THIS IS SO UNFAIR!" Harry yelled, "EVERYONE I LOVE DIES!"

"I hate my life!" Harry sobbed, "Why can't I be one of the people with normal lives?"

"I HATE BEING THE BOY-WHO-LIVED!" Harry screamed. "Crash!"

Lupin assumed Harry had just broken something. He walked over to Harry's door and knocked.

"Who's there?" asked Harry angrily.

"Remus" said Lupin.

"What do you want now?" Harry asked.

"To have a word with you" responded Lupin.

"Go away!" roared Harry.

"I heard you yelling." said Lupin calmly.

"Good for you," said Harry trying to remain calm. "but I don't want to talk about it."

"Look, Harry, are you going to open this door or not? Because I could easily open it myself, but I'd prefer it if you would open it."

"I don't feel like opening it right now." said Harry.

"Very well, you leave me no choice Harry," said Lupin. "alohomora!"

There was a "click" and Lupin opened to door and walked in. Harry was sitting on his bed staring at the ceiling.

Everything was swirling around, Harry closed his eyes and when he opened them he was in front of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. They all walked in, and Harry was greeted by Mrs. Weasley with a tight hug. Harry blushed of embarrassment.

"What took you so long?" she asked. "Well, it's not important anyway, you're here now. Dinner will be ready shortly. Fred, George, could you please show Harry to his room?"

"Sure, mum!" said Fred and George in unison.

Fred grabbed Harry's trunk and George grabbed Hedwig's cage.

"It's the same room you had last summer." said Fred.

"We figured you wouldn't want to get all mixed up switching rooms anyway." said George.

"So, did you two join the Order now?" Harry asked.

"Yup!" said Fred.

"But mum wasn't too happy…" said George.

"Said we were too young-" said Fred.

"But we're adults now-" said George.

"So we didn't need her permission to join." said Fred.

"Dumbledore promised her we wouldn't do any big or dangerous jobs though, and we need time to run our joke shop anyway." said George.

"Okay, this is your room." said Fred.

They opened the door and walked in. Harry was unsurprised to see Ron and Hermione sitting on the bed. Fred set down Harry's trunk and George set Hedwig down, then they disapparated.

"Harry!" Hermione screamed and ran to Harry giving him a bone crushing hug.

"Hello Hermione, hey Ron," said Harry.

"Hey Harry, great to see you, mate." said Ron.

"What have you two been doing this summer?" Harry asked.

"Well, I just got here today, but I read a few books over the summer." said Hermione sighing.

"I helped with cleaning this house." Ron told Harry.

"Sounds as fun as my summer." Harry joked.

There was a knock on the door and Mrs. Weasley walked in, "It's time for dinner, dears."

"Okay, thanks mum," said Ron and they followed her downstairs to the kitchen.

"Now, you three, try to be on your best behavior tonight, Professor Dumbledore is eating with us." said Mrs. Weasley.

"We will try!" said Ron, Harry and Hermione in unison.

Harry sat at the end of the table, across from Ron and beside Hermione. He looked up and noticed half of the table was staring at him, then he quickly turned away. They probably heard about what happened at Privet Drive and wanted to talk to him about it. Remus Lupin was sitting next to Ron and Fred and George were next to Remus, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Tonks, 'Mad-Eye' Moody and Professor Dumbledore were all dining at the Order Headquarters that night. Mrs. Weasley brought out four pitchers of butterbeer and set them on the table, then three giant roast chickens, mashed potatoes, buttered rolls, green beans, applesauce and pumpkin pie.

"This looks great, Molly." replied Tonks and Dumbledore.

"Yes, very delicious, honey." said Arthur.

"Thank-you," said Mrs. Weasley blushing.

Molly started putting food on her plate and everyone else followed. The adults were deep in conversation about the Order and the Ministry. Harry sat silently staring at his food. He remembered sharing meals with the Order when Sirius was there. Harry missed Sirius' jokes and sarcasm at the table. Harry heard his name and looked up, pretending not to hear. Mr. Weasley was whispering to Dumbledore.

Harry stared back at his plate thinking, what am I not ready for yet? Haven't I already proven myself against Voldemort many times and completed many tasks no one else my age has done?! I'm ready for whatever they are talking about! Harry was getting angry with Dumbledore about this.

Harry heard Mrs. Weasley's voice and look up, "Harry, dear, it there a problem with the food?"

Harry looked around and noticed everyone else was almost finished with their food and his plate was full.

"What? …Oh, no, it's wonderful, Mrs. Weasley," said Harry "I'm just not as hungry as I thought I guess."

"Harry, are you feeling okay?" whispered Lupin.

"Yes, I'm fine," Harry lied "but thanks for asking."

Everyone at the table looked up and started staring at Harry. Harry looked back down at his plate.

"Are you sure you're alright, Harry?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"Yes," Harry lied while pretending to eat his mashed potatoes.

"Harry, can I see you in the hallway?" Dumbledore asked.

Oh great! Harry thought he knows I'm lying and now he wants me to 'talk about it' How does he always know? Harry got up and followed Dumbledore into the hallway.

"Harry, it appears to me that you are lying to us in the kitchen and you are not fine." Dumbledore said, "Am I correct?"

"I'm fine…" Harry lied, staring down at the floor.

Dumbledore put his hand under Harry's chin and forced Harry to make eye contact with him. Harry's emerald green eyes were not shining, they showed sadness as they locked with Dumbledore's bright blue eyes. Harry's eyes always told his feelings, just like his mother's did.

"Are you fine?" Dumbledore asked him.

Harry tried to look away, but Dumbledore stopped him. "Can you honestly look me in the eyes and say you are fine?"

Harry didn't answer, his eyes just filled with sadness as he looked into Dumbledore's eyes.

"Harry, your eyes don't lie, they show you are upset. Is it Sirius?" asked Dumbledore.

Harry yanked away from Dumbledore as hard as he could and stared at Dumbledore, his eyes were full of fury.

"Do we have to discuss this?" Harry asked coldly.

"Yes, I think we need to," said Dumbledore, "unless, of course, you'd rather be depressed about it your whole life."

"Well, I'll be going now then." said Harry.

"Hold on, Harry." said Dumbledore, "I'm not done speaking with you."

"I thought we concluded already that I'm not going to discuss Sirius with you." said Harry.

"Ah, so it is Sirius that is bothering you," said Dumbledore, "and no, you aren't just going to walk away from your problems like this. It is obvious that we need to discuss this tonight."

"Well, we aren't gonna get anywhere, especially in this house." Harry muttered looking around the hallway.

"Too late, Harry. We are getting somewhere. So you are upset about being in this house because it brings you too many memories of Sirius?" Dumbledore said, "Am I correct?"

Harry just stared down at the floor.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'" said Dumbledore. "I understand-" no you don't Harry thought. "-I wouldn't want to be here either if I were you after my godfather just died. Would you like to discuss this somewhere else?"

"No, it does not matter where we go, because I'm not going to discuss this." said Harry.

Harry turned around and walked towards his room. Dumbledore followed him.

"I thought we concluded I was not going to discuss it!" Harry roared.

"No, Harry. You concluded that. I concluded that I'm not just going to let you walk away and take this the easy way."

Harry walked into his bedroom and locked the door.

Dumbledore laughed, "Ah, Harry. One would think that by now you have realized that locking doors is useless around wizards."

Dumbledore waited a moment and sighed, "Alohamora!"

The door clicked and Dumbledore walked in.

"Can't you take a hint, Professor? I don't wanna take about it right now! Please leave me alone!" Harry shouted.

"I think you do want to discuss it, Harry," said Dumbledore calmly, "would you like to discuss it here, in the hallway or in the kitchen with the rest of the Order?"

How about nowhere, Harry thought.

"Here is fine, Professor." Mumbled Harry sadly.

"Where shall we start then?" asked Dumbledore "We have already concluded that you are upset because you miss Sirius and are uncomfortable being in his old house. Am I correct?"

"Yes," muttered Harry.

"Well, is there anything else you'd like to share with me?" Dumbledore asked.

Well, let's see, I wouldn't like to share anything with you, so no, but you won't leave until I say something. thought Harry.

"I don't really have much of a choice," said Harry glumly, "you aren't going to leave me alone until I tell you."

"That's true," said Dumbledore, "Just tell me whatever is on your mind if your more comfortable with that. I'm willing to wait and listen to you for as long as you need me too."

"Well, I'll just tell you everything on my mind then. Just promise not to get offended if I let out any rude comments." Harry said.

"Another thing, my uncle's screaming this morning disturbed a really good dream I have having this morning where I was playing quittich against my father and now I'll never know who got the golden snitch-"

"Ah, I remember James playing quittich. He was no doubt as good as you are-" Harry smiled for the first time that night. "but he wasted his time nicking the snitch all the time. I think he thought no one noticed, but I assure you I knew he took it." Dumbledore laughed, "Anyway, back on topic. Please continue, Harry."

"Err- yeah," said Harry, "I also feel like everyone thinks I'm incapable of handling things myself and looking out for myself-"

"We figured you might think that, Harry." said Dumbledore. "We know you are capable of handling yourself though, but you have to understand that we are trying to keep you safe and away from having to look after yourself all the time."

"I don't like being overprotected…" Harry muttered.

"Oh, so you have noticed that…" said "Dumbledore. "We didn't think you would. Very well, I'll speak with the rest of the Order about giving you more freedom."

"Thanks," Harry said, "Also, no offense or anything… but… your bright blue eyes and calmness are scary sometimes and can be a little disturbing… I mean, last year when I was in your office, I broke your stuff and was demolishing your office and you didn't yell at me or get angry at all." Dumbledore laughed and Harry joined in too.

"Well, I'm sorry to say I cannot change my eyes for you, Harry," said Dumbledore still laughing, "but if you really want me to quit being calm and start being angry I'll try."

Harry and Dumbledore both laughed hard.

"Err- no, that's okay professor," said Harry. "I'd hate to see how angry and how much you'd yell at me if you weren't so calm about things."

"Harry, I don't get angry with you!" Dumbledore said shocked. "I understand that you usually have a good reason for it when you argue, especially with me. From what I've heard, you seem to respect me a lot as I respect you."

Harry remained silent not knowing how to respond to that.

"Well, you may continue with what's on your mind, Harry." said Dumbledore.

"Right… umm… well, I think Professor Snape hates me." said Harry.

Dumbledore gave a small laugh.

"Well, I'm not going to take sides when it comes to teachers," said Dumbledore. "but if Professor Snape hates you, it may just be because you looks remarkably like James, and Professor Snape and your father hated each other."

"Yes, that's true." said Harry. "I'm going to assume you are waiting to hear what's on my mind about Sirius now, because I'm running out of other issues and you have not left yet."

Dumbledore laughed. "Yes, you are correct. You are as bright as your friend Hermione," said Dumbledore smiling, "go on, please."

"Well, I- err- still feel like Sirius' death is my fault…" Harry mumbled.

"Oh… I should have known you would not be over that yet. You always seemed to want to take responsibility for things," said Dumbledore sadly. "but I assure you, Sirius' death is not your fault. It is Bellatix Lestrange's if anyone's completely, see her spell knocked him into the Veil. Also, it is my fault for not telling you the prophecy sooner. You have always been a curious boy, probably one of the most curious students I have ever had. You have curious about the Sorcerer's Stone, the Mirror of Erised, the basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, you also have a habit of looking in other peoples pensives if I might add. Need I go on?" Dumbledore laughed.

"I understand Harry. You don't need to apologize, curiosity is not a sin. As I said, you are a very curious person, and I myself probably would have done the same if I were you. Anyway, as I was saying, I knew since your first year at Hogwarts you were a very curious boy. I should have known the black doors in you dreams would make you want to go there, to see what was inside them. I thought Occulemency would work-"

"I didn't practice it though." mumbled Harry.

"Yes, I understand that," continued Dumbledore. "but that is not your fault. I should not have arranged your lessons with Professor Snape. It is obvious that you two envy each other, so I doubt you could practice emptying your emotion with the professor you hate most near you. Also, another mistake I made was forgetting your curiosity. I'm sure you wanted to see what was behind those black doors before you closed you mind to Voldemort."

Dumbledore looked up and saw Harry had a very guilty expression on his face.

"But that is not your fault," Dumbledore continued. "I should have told you about the prophecy at that moment, so you would no longer care about what was behind those doors. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that you did NOT kill Sirius, it was more my fault for being too overprotective of you and not wanting to tell you the truth about why Voldemort had tried to kill you as a baby."

Harry looked up at Dumbledore astonished.

"So, Harry, what else do you have on your mind?" Dumbledore asked.

"Well, the last thing was pretty much it…" said Harry. "Except, I feel really uncomfortable in this house for some reason."

"I feared you would. We all do, but I'm sure the feeling is the worst for you seeing that you thought of Sirius as more than a godfather, but as father figure, brother and a great friend. You felt comfortable talking to him about everything, even things you kept from me and you friends. Losing someone like that is not easy to do, and being in their old house just makes everything worse."

Harry nodded, "It is hard, very hard. This house just has too many memories like the Christmas I shared with Sirius last year." A tear feel down Harry's cheek.

"Things will get better, Harry. I promise they will." said Dumbledore.

"I hope so," said Harry. "I'm just curious, how did you know Sirius was bothering me earlier?"

Dumbledore smiled, "I know when people are lying to me Harry, as I told you last year, I'm a very skilled legimist."

Harry laughed, "Well, then I better stay out of trouble for once this year if I can't lie. Wouldn't want another year full of detentions like last year."

"You won't have as much to worry about this year, I hope. Dolores Umbridge was fired from the Hogwarts staff."

"There could be people worse than Umbridge… though I doubt it." Harry replied.

"I think you will like the new Defense Against the Darks Arts teachers a lot better this year. Perhaps enough not to start illegal after-school groups again, I reckon."

Harry turned red, "It was peer pressure…" Harry said defensively.

"I'm not mad anyway, it was such a great group name you know." Dumbledore said proudly.

Harry laughed, "Ginny came up with the name. I just taught the spells."

"I heard Hogwarts had the highest OWL scores in Defense Against the Dark Arts recorded in a while, I think you did a good job, unless Professor Umbridge taught all those spells. Your OWL scores should be arriving this week I believe… so you can wait and see I guess."

Harry smiled.

"Well, you certainly seem to be in a better mood then you were earlier," said Dumbledore. "Is there anything else on your mind?"

"Yes," said Harry. "Err- thanks for talking to me about Sirius, it really helped."

Dumbledore smiled, "I knew it would. That's why I spent so long following you around the house…"

"I'm sorry I was being to rude earlier, Professor." Harry apologized.

"That's okay, Harry. I understand discussing your feelings about Sirius must have been a really hard thing to do. The important thing is that you did." said Dumbledore. "Oh my! It's already one in the morning. I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait until tomorrow to see your surprise, Harry."

Dumbledore saw a puzzled look on Harry's face.

"I mentioned it in the letter, Harry." said Dumbledore. "You'll see it tomorrow, it's much too late right now, and you should get to bed before Molly gets angry with me."

"What is it?" asked Harry.

"You will see it tomorrow, Harry. I must get going now," replied Dumbledore. "Good night, Harry."

"Goodbye, Professor" Harry said.

Dumbledore smiled and walked out the door. Harry laid down onto his bed without even changing into pajamas into a dreamless sleep.

Please review!

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.