creator

Today when I woke up I experienced a resistance to getting out of bed mixed with a depression energy. I decided that I would speak some Self Forgiveness on my drive to work and see if I could open up within me what this experience was all about as it has become something of a familiar experience recently in the mornings, particularly when I work.

Initially when I started speaking Self Forgiveness I wasn’t really seeing anything specific and the Self Forgiveness seemed routine and the same ol’ points. However I decided to continue speaking the self forgiveness and after a few minutes I started hitting on points that were more specific and I began seeing and understanding my experience, or at least understanding the point that I was seeing in that moment about my relationship to my own inner experiences and my relationship to my work.

One of the main dimensions that I was seeing within me in relation to my work was that I was stuck in a kind of perpetual blame cycle towards my job where I had at some point decided that “it was my jobs fault” that “its my job that is causing and creating my experience”, “it was my jobs fault that my life is the way it is”

So within the Self Forgiveness I came to understand that I was making my job “more than” me, blaming my job for my current experience and so me not Standing as THEE point within myself as the Source of who I am and my experiences, rather I was in a point of allowing myself to say that it was my job that was the main thing, that “I” was doing everything right and nothing wrong and that it was my job that was causing and creating my experience, and if my job would just change or be different, then I could go back to an experience that I would prefer, in other words, I was effectively disempowering myself.

So yes, totally giving my power and my responsibility away to this external point within my reality. So the speaking of Self Forgiveness really supported me to see what I have been accepting and allowing of myself in relation to this aspect of my job and I also saw that, how could I reap the fruits that I desire or want from my job if I am constantly blaming and judging and angry towards my job?

That is like having a child and wanting to have a deep, fun, and enjoyable relationship with the child but then raising that child through blaming it, judging it, criticizing it, being angry at it, ect… eventually you are going to create a resentment within the child towards you so in essence,

How can I create the success I am wanting with my job if I am in direct conflict with the very thing I am wanting to support this end. It’s a contradiction. So this was an interesting dynamic to see in the my relationship with my job and realizing here that It’s up to ME to establish a more effective supportive relationship with this particular part of my job that I was in conflict with, beginning with stopping that relationship where I was giving all my power away through blame, by saying “its your fault” so rather, now accepting, and realizing, I am the ONE, I am the SOURCE of my experience and I am the SOURCE of the relationship I create towards, with, as my job and so I must start working with my experience, like that experience I have of resistance and depression in the mornings that I seem to wake up with where for instance if I see this experience coming up again, I know that its connected to and based on the points of blame and abdication of my Self Responsibility in relation to my job and so can support myself to change this through for example, speaking some self forgiveness and correct myself in those moments and Direct Myself to Stand as the SOLE Creator of experience and so 100% responsible for them and my relationships that exist as me within my life.

So now going forwards after seeing this today, I am now going to practice identifying that ‘blame signature’ of this particular experience that has been coming through lately so that I can make sure to ALIGN myself according to Supporting myself and Standing as SELF RESPONSIBLE for Myself and my Experience and my Relationship to my Job so that I can stop and change this experience and see how I can support myself to change my relationship to/within my job so that it is Supportive!

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For the past month I have been doing a lot of work online re-doing my art website along with aligning different social media points related to this as well. What I have been finding within this is that I tend to become distracted by all the new threads of information that I have opened up and began to give attention to. Actually, I become Possessed by them! I can’t stop thinking about them.

I have been managing more information than usual and I have been finding myself overwhelmed by it where I get sucked into it and at the end of the day It seems like I have wasted a lot of time engaging with extraneous information that isn’t necessarily integral to what I need to do.

What I have noticed also, is that my mind becomes quite busy where I am processing different bits of information and calculating numbers in my head, and just basically scanning over all the things I am doing and still would like to do where even when I am supposed to be doing something else, like sitting down to read a book, or eating dinner, or doing to sleep, or talking with my partner, I find it difficult to concentrate without my mind wandering back into the other points that I have been looking at.

And with my behavior also, I have noticed I am more sporadic with where and how I apply myself where I will jump around between doing different tasks instead of just focusing on one thing at a time. And this jumping around has become more accentuated than usual.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created myself into a point where I am easily distracted and moved off task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be “moved off task” by an inner experience of anxiety where I feel like I must, and have to get to everything like right now, and within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to slow myself down with each breath I take and to walk in breath, in Self Awareness and Self Directiveness, where I Direct me in the activities that I do, and no more accept and allow myself to just be easily distracted or pushed off task with the slightest nudge from some external stimulation point, like a thought popping up in my mind, or a notification popping up on my phone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be swept away by what seems like a frenzy of information that is swarming around me within and without of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anxiety if I sit and spend time on doing one task for a long time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not Breath whenever this specific anxiety emerges within me in relation to “information frenzy” and wanting and feeling the need to explore various different bits of information and external stimulation points all at the same time where I become distracted by all this instead of Standing My Ground Here within myself and making sure I do not become consumed by information and external stimulation points.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to “train jump”. Where in my own mind, I will jump trains of thought from information thread to information thread basically becoming discombobulated by all the information moving within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by information in where I get lost within looking at all the details and dimensions of information where I become emotionally invested in knowing or understanding or figuring out how to align information within me where I cannot just be HERE and Quiet within myself and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give information power over me, instead of me remaining the Directive Principle of the information that makes up myself and my reality.

Self Commitments

I commit myself to assist and support myself to move myself from the living of the word DISTRACTED in relation to all the information points that is here at the moment in my life, into Living the Word GROUNDED where I Commit myself to practice not allowing myself to be moved by information but to remain Grounded, Here, and Stable within it all, and to be Deliberate, and Directive with Myself where I Direct Information one point at a time, while supporting myself to remain Here, Grounded, and Stable within the Core of Me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Slow myself down utilizing my Breath, as an Anchor Point to support me to not allow myself to be overwhelmed and lost in all the information points that makes up my life and myself at the moment.

I commit myself to stop becoming emotionally vested in information to the degree where I become possessed with having to constantly go over it again and again in my mind, where I forget to Breath, and Be Here, and just be with the Silence of Myself without the need to constantly have information flowing through my mind or into my eyes.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to Transform myself from the Living of the word LOST in relation to how I experience myself in relation to all the information points in my life at the moment, into and as the Word FOUND as I am HERE, Grounded within and as myself where I can when I am starting to experience myself as being overwhelmed by all the information points that is here as my life at the moment, Take a Breath, and Center and Silence Myself as that point of Finding Myself and supporting myself to Walk One Step at a Time within all this information where I walk one step at a time IN AWARENESS, and support myself to move slowly and deliberately and support myself to stop being directed by Anxiety and this sense of urgency to have to move so quickly through it all out of fear that I will miss an opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become consumed by a kind of urgency within myself instead of walking deliberately, and Slowly, moving in reality at the pace of the physical and breath one step at a time rather than trying to take 10 steps at the same time.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to practice Living The Word Slowing Down, and Walking One Step at a time, where I focus just on that one Step at a time and support myself to walk that one step with clarity, deliberateness, and Self Awareness and to thus no more accept and allow myself to try and do 10 steps at the same time which I do not see as a practical way to do things.

I commit myself to realize that when I get caught up busy in my mind and only think about all the things I must do, instead of physically walking and moving them, that I end up creating anxiety where all I do is think about all the things I must do but nothing gets done, because I become preoccupied and caught up in thinking about everything but not actually Practically Physically Walking the Points in my Real Physical Reality.

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How do we make decisions in a way that they create the best possible outcome? This is the point that I would like to discuss and explore in relation to the new controversial TV Series on CBS called “The Briefcase”

Each episode features 2 middle class families struggling with their finances. Each family is given a briefcase with 100 thousand dollars in it and are told that “They have a decision to make”. They can keep all of the money. Give part of it away. Or give all of it away to the other family that is also struggling. Though neither family knows that the other one was also given a brief case and has to make the same decision.

At first as I was watching the show, I was thinking how manipulative it was towards the families where in only specific amounts of information was being released in a strategic way so as to elicit the most entertainment value possible during the 72 hour time frame in which the families had to make their decision.

Basically both families were experiencing financial hardship, but the details of each family was not being revealed to the other one so the decision whether to keep the money for themselves or help another family in need was in a way a blind decision. As the show progressed, more and more information about the other family was released.

At first I thought “That’s not fair” “This is not how ‘real life’ works” But what I have realized, is that this is in fact actually how real life works! I started to look at my own experience with decision making and how many times I faced moments where I had to make a decision where I still wanted more information but didn’t have it and still was required to make a decision.

So this show did in a way really exaggerate this decision making process, but I did find it interesting that I could still find examples in real life that were as manipulative as this show was being.

I mean, think of sales for instance where you have 2 people negotiating over the value of something, and one person says this price and the other person counter-offers and so on and so on, and its like a test of nerves until a value is arrived at. Meanwhile neither person is being totally upfront but is engaging the other in away to get the most for themselves.

Or like when you meet someone, and you are walking the whole dating ritual point only revealing so much information, and really presenting yourself in a modified and edited way and then the other person has to make a decision based on the information they have even if its not accurate and incomplete.

So in fact people everyday are faced with these such scenarios where the information is being manipulated, or simply that you don’t have all the information but still you must make a decision.

Now one point that came up in the TV Series was the whole point about “Doing The Right Thing” and both of the families really struggled with this point. It was interesting to see the turmoil that each family was going through trying to figure out and understand what the right thing to do was. Do I keep all the money for myself? Or Do I give it away? What is the right thing to do? And this was such a fascinating question to be faced with.

Fascinating because ultimately we are all faced with this question daily. “What is the right thing to do”

So here I would like to share a principle that has greatly supported me in my life in making these such decisions.

I was shown this principle when I was around 26 or 27 years old and its interesting to think that I wasn’t aware of this until then. And it amazes me to think that most human beings on earth are not actually aware of such a principle with regards to guiding ones decisions in life. No wonder we have fucked up this world the way we have.

So the principle that I was introduced to and that I have been practicing since, is the principle of “Doing What is Best For ALL”

It is actually a form of math equation to determine in each and every moment and each and every decision what in fact WOULD CREATE THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME.

So this has definitely taken some time for me to develop within myself because for the first 26 years of my life my decisions, as most individuals decisions are, was being governed by SELF INTEREST.

So when I am faced with tough decisions in my life, I simply look at it from the perspective “What would be best for ALL”

Due to conditioning myself to always make decisions in Self Interest, It is still a challenging procedure to now re-direct myself to make decisions based on the BEST INTEREST OF ALL, and not just for myself alone.

So in the case of “The Briefcase”, what I would suggest to the families required to make such financial decisions is I would suggest, to simply work with the information you have and to do what would be BEST FOR ALL INVOLVED.

To learn more about this principle, please read the JOURNEY TO LIFE BLOGS. Blogs written by a growing group of individuals endeavoring to live this principle in their daily lives. You can find these blogs at the 7 Year Journey To Life facebook page.

In this blog I am starting now with the “Back-Chat” Dimension as the continuation of the previous blog posts where I am looking at/investigating the point of Self Victimization as my Victimization Character.

Fuck why can’t I just do what I want
Man I have so much to do
I will never have any time for myself
I am a slave

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand how the back-chat statement of “Fuck why can’t I do what I want” is related to the point of self victimization of how I build up the point of essentially disempowering myself within my reality which is what occur when I accept and allow myself to participate within my victimization character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend more time thinking “fuck why can’t I just do what I want” than it would actually take to direct the point I am facing where in essence I exert more time/effort/energy in the end in trying to avoid directing myself and taking responsibility for my world than if I were to actually just move myself practically straight away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the back-chat statement “fuck why can’t I just do what I want” is indicating how I have still accepted and allowed my mind and the back-chat within my mind to direct me and “have a say” when clearly such a statement is not valid within the context of everything that is going on the world where my life is basically built on the abuse of others and that to speak such a statement of “fuck why can’t I just do what I want” is making the statement that I in fact am not interested those that are suffering under my foot, and so thus here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the automation of me as a mind where I allow the automation of such back-chat of and as “fuck why can’t I just do what I want” where eventually in allowing this statement within me build up a particular experience within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to source the back-chat statement “fuck, why can’t I just do what I want” to see where such a statement originate and come form and within this seeing how I have just accepted and pre-programmed statement that is in no way an “original” self created statement but in a way a pre-packaged statement that I have accepted and integrated within and as me and now speak as if it is me without in fact being certain of the origin of such a statement and understanding exactly what each word imply and the structure of the words together and tonality and in essence really understanding what I am really speaking and activating and accepting and allowing within speaking such a statement within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have seen/realized/understood that “fuck, why can’t I just do what I want” comes from a “mentality” of self interest, where one is only “out for oneself” and not at all caring or considering other life equal to self, and within this I forgive myself for not realizing that I must in fact stop who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become which is the image and likeness of self interest and thus to Re-Create myself to exist equal and one with and as all life, and thus this will require an actual deliberate changing of self which imply that I can no longer simply accept and allow myself to keep running automatic programs of back-chat statements that only created and build and perpetuate self interest but that instead I must in fact deliberately STOP such statement and assist and support myself to in such moments Align myself to Equal and One Living where I consider everything within a point of equality and do unto another what I would want done unto me and so walking breath by breath and stopping my accepted and allowed existence/behaviours/mind participation that was indicative of my “self interested way’s”.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that the word “fuck” at the beginning of “fuck why can’t I just do what I want” implies that there has already been an inner battle and inner conversation within myself where I am in a way fighting with myself in relation to what I am doing or/and what I must do, where what I see coming through is a point of “obligation” which is in itself implying that I have “missed the point” as “LIFE” should not be an obligation, it should be an expression based on understanding where it is obvious how I direct myself in every breath, where this is always done in the interest of what is best for all, but that I see that I have never done that and so will require me to assist and support myself to stop accepting and allowing my back-chat to determine how I direct me and start Changing me in moments of back-chat where I instead of just accepting the automated back-chat to direct me, I look at the back-chat and check how and where a particular back-chat statement within me is existing in self interest and thus I rather in such a moment where I would previously normally allow my back-chat to direct me – I Direct ME as the point of changing me to align myself within and as equality and oneness with what is here within the principle of doing what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I have never existed within and as what is best for all, and also within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to in fact SEE me as the true nature and beingness of me and the extent that self interest has saturated me and become who I am.

In my next blog I will continue with the Self Corrective Statements

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– Here in this Blog I am starting with the SF on the various dimensions of my “Giving Up Character” in relation to work/Career, specifically looking at what came up in relation to looking at the point of being an Art Teacher.

Thought/Picture Dimension See myself in a classroom at the college where I went to art school standing in front of a class introducing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by a picture in my mind in which I form in relation to possible career paths.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide my future based on a picture that comes up within me of me seeing myself in a classroom at the college where I went to school standing in front of a class introducing myself as the teacher.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself in the image within my mind as a teacher, to the teachers that I had and thus looking at me in relation to them in terms of how my life will be.

Imagination Dimension -Me explaining to the students about my teaching methods and philosophy and how the class will be different from normal classes. -See myself lecturing to a large audience. -Seeing allot of paperwork and me shuffling papers in an office and papers piling up in piles around me and its messy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my imagination where I start to wonder who I will be as an Art Teacher where I start to create a personality of “who I will be” to my students where I start to form a definition/personality of who I will be that is one that would be considered in a way that is seen as a positive or good thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pictures/imaginings within my mind of “paperwork piling up” where I have in relation to this picture saw myself as incapable of being a teacher as I have defined myself as ineffective with “that kind of stuff” and so in accepting this as myself stop any idea I have come up about being a teacher because I have accepted that “I am not intelligent enough” to be one. And thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Keep in place the idea I have about myself as “not being intelligent” through accepting and allowing myself to “react in fear” to the idea of having to do paper work if I were to be a teacher where this fear is linked to this idea of me “not being that type of person” and not good with that kind of thing.

BackChat

-It will be difficult because I am not a good speller
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people might think I am dumb or stupid or inadequate or not take me seriously if they are a better spelling than me and are a student with me being the teacher.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from the idea/possibility of becoming a teacher due to accepting myself as “not good with words” and in this thus making the statement that “this is who I am” and to immediately give up on the point/idea of being a teacher due to seeing myself as not a good spelling and not good with that kind of thing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat in relation to being a teaching “It will be difficult because I am not a good speller.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of correcting my “bad spelling habbits” and so in relation to this aspect of defining myself as one who “struggles with languages” have “given up in areas related to education as possible avenues for myself to walk”, -I would not make a good teacher
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat statement – “I would not make a good teacher”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the back-chat statement within myself – “I would not make a good teacher”-I am not suitable to be a teacher because I am anti-social and have to many problems – I would have to change myself to be a teacher and I don’t see myself as being able to effectively do that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the back-chat statement of that “I am not a suitable to be a teacher because I am anti-social and have to many problems” and thus within this statement am accepting and allowing myself to in fact Justify “my problems” and who I am by implying that I am not willing to change me to walk into a specific avenue of life, but am more inclined to continue to live out “my problems” and never change them due to me holding the idea within myself that I am “incapable” of change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “Anti-Social” and defining this as a limitation and so thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify Self Limitation by Defining myself as “Anti-Social” when in fact I see, realize and understand that “Anti-Social” is who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as a particular Character that I live-out that is not who I really am as the Flesh as the Self but is me that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, as the mind which I have made a commitment to stop accepting and allowing myself to exist as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the statement “I would have to change myself to be a teacher and I don’t see myself as being able to effectively do that” within myself as back-chat that comes up within me when thinking about/considering walking the point of being a teacher.-I can’t do it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the statement “I can’t do it” in relation to being a teacher where in I start to accept each individual back-chat statement point that comes up within me to where when these accumulate enough simply Go Into the Statement “I can’t do it” and that I have accepted this statement as Having Some Merrit not seeing how I have constructed this such statement of/as “I can’t do it” in relation the decision I arrive at within and as my own mind after enough things compile within myself within my mind where it start to pile and so I just make the statement “I can’t do it” believing that this experience I have created as the points “stacking up” is real, when in fact the entire context of the situation I have just created within my mind and when this context get big enough, I then go into the point/statement of “I can’t do it”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the capacity to “do it” when things start becoming overwhelming, where within this statement “I can’t do it” I “Give Up” on myself, simply reaching the conclusion that I simply “Cannot” do it as a result of who I am, my intelligence and my ability to actually handle multiple points at once which when this starts to build I go into a point of giving up and just wanting to put an end to it all and so just say “I can’t do it” not bothering to actually investigate the points at play that I am participating in within my own mind, but instead of doing this go into “Giving Up” within and as the statement of “I can’t do it” and thus sweeping the entire point off to the side and never looking at what is actually going into or is behind that moment I decide “I can’t do it”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the statement “I can’t do it” whenever there is multiple points at play where when this happens I start to get flustered within my mind due to me not yet being effective at handling multiple points at a time, though I see that making the statement “I can’t do it” and giving up is not a solution but just ignoring the point all together. -I will never amount to anything
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat statement “I will never amount to anything” which is a statement I arrive at once I have decided “I can’t do it” and thus have accepted this ‘play-out’ of me not being able to do it in relation to the possibility of walking a specific point, in this case being a teacher and then from here move myself deeper into this “Giving Up/Giving In Character” where I then participate within the back-chat within me “I will never amount to anything” where I go into a point of starting to in fact manipulate myself within and as this Giving Up Character and thus accepting and allowing myself to disempower myself instead of Standing Up and Taking Self Responsibility for myself and not accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as My “Giving Up Character” which is showing clearly that as this character I am not in fact Supporting Myself in way that has value but only manipulating myself to accept Self Limitation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself to absolute diminishment within and as my back-chat dimension where the back-chat become progressively ‘negative’ and ‘diminishing’ and yet at the same time ‘unreal’ from the perspective of the exaggeration of the claims that end up moving into more extreme manipulation as having a more direct negative point of view, where the back-chat becomes more of an Attacking of Myself as this/My “Giving Up Character”

To be Continued With the rest of the SF on he ‘Reaction’ , ‘Physical Behaviour’, and ‘Consequence’ Dimensions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “go into” a reactive state when ever I am getting ready or now deciding to sit down and write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, throughout my day, worry about “what I will write in my daily blog” when the time comes for me to sit down and write my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that moment I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear “that moment” when I sit down to write my daily blog where in I am actually fearing the experience I have created within myself towards the point of that moment of when I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety when I write, or when I sit down to write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within participating in back-chat where I will think and question within me

“what will I write”

“Will I be able to find a/the point”

“Will I mess up and end up getting upset and frustrated with myself

“I hope this goes well”

“I hope it goes smoothly this time”

And also here to throughout my day participate with such back-chat and other back-chat of this nature with regards to when that moment finally arrive where I sit down and write my daily blog, and thus to through-out my day create an experience of anxiety and anticipation within myself as I move closer and closer to that moment where by the time I finally reach the moment when I will write, I am experiencing allot of tension and stress within me due to having constantly been thinking about the moment of when I would sit down and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into participate within an experience of anxiety when I write, instead of slowing myself down and being here with myself where in I breathe and Slow down when I am writing to assist myself to “take my time” with my blog and allow myself to slow myself and breathe and see the points I am working on, instead of ending up having my blog be a product of a reactive state of self that I created throughout my day in continuously allowing myself to “think about my blog” where I would go into anxiety and fear literally in the middle of the day in relation to a single thought within thinking about what I will write for my daily blog here I participate in such backchat as “what if I can’t think of anything”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing my daily blog as a nuisance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define writing my daily blog as a nuisance due to the length of time it takes and also because of the experience I have within and as me when I write my blog, and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to support me in stabilizing myself when I sit down to write my daily blog, so that I am not going into “states of anxiety” which I create as me within accepting and allowing myself to “backchat” and worry and think about not only the “what will I write” but also the experience of myself within writing where in I am actually fearing facing that experience of me being frustrated within the writing process, and so in projecting that I will/may end up going into this experience of frustration actually start to create more resistance and tension and stress in relation to the point of writing and so thus as I move closer to that moment the anticipation build but that the anticipation is actually anxiety and stress, instead of realizing that my experience of should not change when I move through different tasks within my day but that I should simply be here as breath where I am stable and constant within my expression and self presence and pace as I move through each task I have including writing, and so thus this shows me that I have created and constructed a specific experience around and that I have connected to the process of writing as that moment when I sit down to actually write my daily blog.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to throughout my day notice/identify the moments within my day where I will have a thought about writing my blog, and to within this check to see if any experience /reaction comes up within me and if I see reactions come up assist and support myself to remain here and not “going into” in the mind and participating/fuelling such experiences and so also in such moments look at / investigate and identify the particular reaction/experience and in this and within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application assist and support myself to deconstruct and become aware of what these reactions and experiences are linked to and thus to assist and support myself to find practical solutions to bring myself back to here so that I am not without my knowing it creating a future experience for me to walk into as the experience of anxiety and frustration that I see I am actually creating even when I am not even writing but only thinking about it.

I see, realize, and understand that sitting down to write does not have to be a point where I am filled with anxiety and that the experience of anxiety I have often experienced and also feared facing is related to actually creating this and fuelling this throughout my day where I will accept experiences of fear and anxiety to come within me without me actually investigating how and why I have created such a fear/anxiety point in relation to writing where this is then Me Influencing Me where I will instead of investigate the fear/anxiety in the moment it comes up in relation to that future moment when I will be sitting down in the evening to write my daily blog, I will suppress it and push it aside which only support in building up anxiety about the moment and thus more fear and thus more suppression not wanting to face that moment/fear and end up frustrated or caught up in some emotional reaction which in itself I fear, but in not effectively/practically investigating how I create that emotional state but just suppressing the fear when it comes up, I am instead more creating that emotional state.

I commit myself to realize that I do not have to go into an emotional state every-time I write. I see, realize and understand that I am able to assist and support myself to stabilize myself within my writing process so that it actually become a more enjoyable process and that I “get more” out of it from the perspective of allowing myself to be Here in and as Self Presence and Self Patience as I walk through a point and thus am more able to support myself and develop clarity which does not happen when my daily blog becomes a “nuisance” or something I just want to go over with or trying to run from and so

I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self correction and practical self investigation into and on the point of how I am creating my overall experience of myself within writing my daily blog, assist and support myself to transform Myself within writing from being an emotional, anxious, nervous, rushing Self, to being Here, Stable in and as breath the entire process of writing where I slow myself down so that I can actually follow my fingers on the keyboard equal and one instead of getting ahead of myself which I see is another point of when the mind takes over and so thus breathe and be patient with me as I slow myself down and write my blog so to support me to stop my pattern of becoming emotionally possessed leading up to and when I finally decide to sit down and write my daily blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts without knowing / being aware of what that thought is, and how that thought was created and how it function and what the consequence of participating in that thought is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automate my “thought participation” and within this automation procedure have accepted and allowed myself to define this as “Harmeless” where I am seeing my thoughts/the thoughts I have as “harmless” and defining them as “harmless” by default and not even investigating/ stopping to have a look at the exact precise nature of each and every single thought that come up within me and if in fact that “thought” and participating in that thought is “Harmless” or not.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my thoughts are creating my world, where in not realizing this, I justify participating in thoughts within myself, passing them off as harmless as if they are having not affect / consequence on my world what so every, because I cannot see the consequence(s) the thoughts I participate in, have on me and my life/reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how exactly my thoughts are influencing/creating me and my world and that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass off my thoughts as harmless because I see no immediate consequence in my reality that the thoughts I am participating within are having/affecting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought, without knowing the origin of the thought, knowing exactly what will happen as the consequence to myself and my world/reality by participating in such a thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate /engage in a thought towards another being, that I define as “just a little one” or “innocent” and in this not allow myself to realize that I am not looking at the actual consequence that particular thought will have as a consequence / manifestor within myself and my reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I actually do not know how “these seemingly innocent thoughts” will affect me or my world, because I just participate in them and pass them off as “innocent” where in doing this, I do not allow myself to See the Entire existence of that thought with regards to how I ended up with that particular thought within me anyways and what I must accept as myself and thus the world to participate in such a thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have “quick glancing thoughts” towards beings in my world where I do this “automatically” where in I have in essence accepted myself within a point of “blind participation” of thoughts, not stopping and seeing that “Oh fuck – these apparently glancing thoughts” are in fact Enormous from the perspective of the creative abilities of such a thought in terms of ALL the relationships as Networks that that one singular, seemingly innocent thought is connected to and engaged within, but I have not even bothered to stop and look and see this but have just passed off my thoughts as “small and insignificant” and within this in fact blinded myself from getting to know how I am creating myself and my world as I have within this “Automation” of my thoughts/some of thoughts “that I defined as small and insignificant” not accepted and allowed myself to stand Accountable for Each and Every thought within and as me and so thus have in essence extensively limited myself in my own self awareness and understanding due to firstly not Taking Responsibility Accountability for Every Single thought that I have where in Standing Accountable for each thought, that means I have a thorough understanding of Exactly that thought will influence / create me and my reality in terms of how that was created, what other thoughts that thought is connected to, what I must accept as myself to allow such a thought as me, and in essence know exactly how that thought “moves” / “Creates” within myself and my reality creating the world that is here – Which I do NOT currently understand know, especially since I have be employing thoughts as me “Automatically” to now realize – “Fuck – I actually have not stopped and looked closely/specifically at that particular thought, and thus have not idea really, how this thought is influencing /creating me and my reality – Even though I claim, I am wanting to understand how I am Creating myself and my reality and so I see A step within this is to No more accept and allow the Idea that some of my thoughts are seemingly “Innocent” which in by doing this I see/realize/understand that I have not yet come to understand how thoughts create reality/myself or how I am in fact Creating Myself and my World.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the ripple effect of every thought I have as how that thought create who I am and what is here, one reason being is that I have not bothered to investigate the entire nature of each thought within me but have just rather utilized them as these ready-made / pre-packaged sentences/words within me that “are what they are” and in this not allowing myself to see the entire history behind each thought as the massiveness actually that each thought exist within.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to “Direct Myself” within my reality where in I see/realize/understand how my participation/existence of myself in every breath is “creating me and my world from the perspective how “who I am” in every moment will ripple out into existence and how the dominos will fall to Make Sure that within this The Dominos will Fall/ Life will Unfold in a way that is best for ALL.

I forgive myself that within not investigating/standing Accountable for each and every thought that come up within me, I have not see/realized/understood the uniqueness of each thought in terms of its specific lineage, and Nature / implications and what/how participating in such a lineage that activate within participating in the thought create as Who I am and the consequences that will manifest as the formation of my world/reality through in by engaging in a particular Lineage as History as Content of each particular thought at the very history that went behind the formation of that thought.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the Memories of My Life that are in fact connected to each thought that come up within me, where in I have thus accepted and allowed myself to perceive thoughts from a very one dimensional perspective as a kind of “what you see is what you get” where I have now realized that I have not been bothering to Know the Precise Existence of Every thought that exist within me because this accepted and allowed “approach” to thoughts as “what you see is what you get” just kept me from not ever Stopping Each thought that come up and having a look at the Nature and Existence and History as all the other thoughts this thought it attached to and other memories this thought is attached to and etc. And Ensuring That I Know in Exact Detail how that thought will play out in my world and what it will create, before I Move Myself as participating with that thought. And in this way taking responsibility for Myself and making sure that I am the one Directing My Creation of Me and My World – Something I realize I cannot do by just letting thoughts with me having no awareness of the exact nature of those thoughts flow out of me to the degree I have automated this process where each one of these thoughts that I accept and allow myself employ create myself and my world though I in essence have no idea about the thoughts I am participating in and thus in essence have not Idea what I am “putting out into my world” as the ingredients that will form the soup that is my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a thought because it immediately makes me feel good as I experience a positive energy charge in relation to the thought, but never actually look at the depths of that thought to see what it is exactly that I am Allowing as me and that will eventually come to fruition as the Actual Substance of the thought that is forming myself and my world that I have been unaware of and have not been bothered to look at because I just base the employment of my thoughts on the one dimensional qualification of does it make me feel good, and thus only concerned with that not ever bothering to look at the Mountain that remains hidden from me as the Actual Substantial Content of each thought that plays a much more prominent role in the creation of my life then the Instant Energy high that I get from participating in it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see only the 1 % percent of my thoughts when I participate within and as them / decide to employ them, not considering the 99% of the thought that I am not looking at as the Actual Substance of that thought , and thus have not been aware, made myself aware of how I create me and this world / what is here due to only ever looking at the very surface of the thoughts I participate in where there is massive mountains as each thought that I do not see that are below the surface moving/interacting and ultimately creating / forming who I am and the world that is here –but I have not bothered to get to know / investigate the Entire Existence of each thought so I can be certain how I am creating what is here so I can thus in fact be Self Aware and Direct myself in Self Awareness to Ensure My Expression will always interact in a way to produce an Outcome that is Best for ALL.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand my Actions, and so thus have not idea of the equal and one reactions it will create..

I commit myself to Taking Responsibility for Every Single Moment I am here as Where I place my attention to see/ensure that I am not accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that I am not 100 percent aware of in their entirety so I can be sure that my Actions as my Attention Produce / Creation an Equal and One Reaction that is best for all and Support Life.

I Commit myself to SEE Direct Here the End Result as Consequence that each thought I have/accept and allow has where in within this I ensure that I do not accept and allow anything within me that is abusive towards Life in any way.

I commit myself to Stopping my Automated Thought Procedure but instead checking every thought that come up within me to see the Actual Nature of that thought to within this assist and support myself to Take back my Power and Directive Principle of me Ensuring that I do not accept and allow myself to participate with that which is in fact only support my own self interest /Ego instead of what is best for all/Life.

I Commit myself to Seeing/Realizing/Understanding that I do in fact understand what I am creating/wanting to create by participating in certain specific thoughts, and thus I commit myself to Stop Hiding from myself that I am in fact Aware of What I am doing, and in this Stop accepting and allowing myself to Participate in thoughts that have a very specific outcome as the support my Self Interest.

I commit myself to Investigating Every thought that comes up within me until I know the Origin and the Nature of the thought in exact Detail so to assist and support myself within Stopping My abusive behaviours/patterns/ participations and correct myself to Live as Self Support.

I commit myself to Slowing Myself and To in Essence Stop within Each Direction/Change of Direction/Movement/Motion/ of myself and look at the Nature of the Direction/Change of Direction/Movement/Motion of myself and See if that Direction/Change of Direction/Motion Movement of me is What is Best for ALL and if it will Support me within my process of Self Correction and to within this Assist and Support myself to become more aware of myself and Effective in my Self Correction Process to Take Responsibility For Myself in Every Moment / Movement / Motions / Direction / Change of Direction to Ensure that I am Creating me Self Honestly Within and As What is Best for ALL as Actual Life Support.

I commit myself to slowing myself to down to see Each and Every thought that comes up to ensure that I am not “automatically” engaging/participating within the mind / thoughts but/and that my Direction is in and as Self Support to Effectively Support me to Transform myself to stand in and as Self Honesty.

I commit myself to getting to know myself by stopping my automated thought employment procedure where instead I Stop in each moment and check each Decision I am making and then thus Deliberately / Move / Direct me “away” from self dishonesty and towards Self Honesty by not accepting and allowing myself to participate in / engage within Self Dishonest thoughts that I am now Directing Myself to Check and See the Nature of The thoughts that come up within me as a point of Self Accountability so that I can become more effective at Developing Self Awareness and thus Supporting Myself to Become the Directive Principle of me in a way that is Best for ALL and is Based on Absolute Self Awareness of and towards this end.