Anyway, I want to thank Jason Gay for taking the time to write a kind article about me, the people quoted therein for taking the time to talk to him, and the Wall Street Journal for deigning to publish it. I also want to un-thank and revile the Wall Street Journal's rival newspaper, which got wind of the article just before publication and attempted to execute a last-minute "cockblocking" maneuver yesterday wherein they ran some half-assed piece of their own. Most of all, though, I want to thank everybody for reading so far, and for hopefully continuing to do so. Obviously, in a few days I will reinvent myself and switch the focus of this blog entirely to gardening, but until then I remain,

Very truly yours,

Moving on to far more important matters, while the mainstream media was busy "outing" some low-ranking member of the "doucherati," a high-ranking judge made a landmark legal decision that may very well negatively impact the world of cycling forever. So significant is this decision that it makes the whole New York City Critical Mass parade rule thing look about as important as the "Fixie Crew's" decision to buy cockles at Whole Foods. I am referring to a case that recently aired on the television show "Judge Judy" ("Judge Judy" is the Supreme Court of the eating-Cheetos-on-the-sofa-all-day set) in which a driver (the Plaintiff) is suing a cyclist (the Defendant) for running into his car:

As it happens, this video was actually forwarded to me by a friend of the Defendant, and I watched it with interest. Here's the Plaintiff, a 23 year-old named Justin Stern, who claims a cyclist hit his car and whose spectacles-and-no-tie ensemble marks him as a "doucherati" aspirant:

And here's the Defendent, the 20 year-old and mellifluously-named Clark Harney, decked out in formal beige for the occasion:

Anyway, at first it seems that this is going to be just another case, but then Harney does something that will soon change the world of cycling irrevocably: He blames the collision on the fact that he was forced to take evasive action when he encountered a "salmon" in the bike lane. Here is Harney's digital (that's "digital" as in finger-based) reenactment:

And here is the actual "salmon" that Harney is attempting to finger:

(Indignant salmon does not find Harney's fingering pleasurable)

To my knowledge, this is the first time that somebody has attempted to invoke the so-called "Salmon Defense" in such an auspicious venue, and such a defense is sort of like a CO2 inflator in that you'd better be sure everything is air-tight before you use it or else it's a total waste. Sadly, Harney's case is not air-tight, and the CO2 cartridge of his defense instead explodes in a burst of gas and careens wildly about the court. Here's Judge Judy gesticulating dismissively with her thumb:

Here's a nonplussed Harney, whose caption has been downgraded from "Bike Rider" to "Admits he couldn't see what was coming:"

And here's the salmon again, looking shifty, scheming, and untrustworthy like all her kind:

In the end, Judge Judy rules that Harney must pay Stern a whopping $1,900 to cover the repairs to his car, which prompts me to wonder what kind of damage a diminutive-looking fellow like Harney could have possibly inflicted on a big hunk of metal. It seems to me you'd have to be riding a Surly Pugsley (complete with handlebar-mounted battering ram) at Mark Cavendish-like speeds to break the $1,000 barrier, and I doubt very much that Harney can unleash a sprint anything close to that of the "Man Missile." But while I smell corruption (as well as a hint of salmon) I am more concerned about the fact that Harney has effectively squandered the "Salmon Defense." Had he argued his case more effectively and the judge ruled in his favor, a legal precedent would have been set and the rest of us could successfully blame everything on salmon too and they'd become our all-purpose legal scapegoats (or scapefish). Instead, thanks to Harney's hapless finger gestures, we now can't use the "Salmon Defense" at all. I guess we'll just have to blame everything on Rollerbladers now.

Apparently, these preternatural multitaskers are called "supertaskers," and they're real-life superheroes who can perform incredible acts of schmuckery like placing calls while driving and accepting calls while driving. Unfortunately, even though "supertaskers" only make up 2.5% of the population, the remaining 97.5% of the population will now also conclude that they are "supertaskers" and, like that guy with the yogurt franchises, continue to drive around endangering the rest of us. First, salmon are allowed to run with impunity; next, you get hit by some yogurt slinger on his cellphone who taps a bevy of "experts" to testify in court that he's a medically certified "supertasker" and that he was not responsible for crushing your hopes, dreams, and bones into so much walnut topping.

But there is still hope for cyclists, and fortunately, famously car-centric Los Angeles is continuing to become more bike-friendly. First, the LAPD Chief declared his commitment to protecting cyclists. Then, the city entered into the embarrassingly ebullient "demeaning yourself" phase of its cycling evolution by playing host to a "Tweed Ride," as forwarded to me by a reader:

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of the "Tweed Ride," it's basically when a bunch of people ride their bicycles around a city while dressed as Victorians. Here's one "Faketorian" drinking from a period-correct paper cup:

So amid all this faux-gentility, one might be tempted to ask, "Whither street cred?" Well, here it is, and it can be yours, thanks to this Craigslist ad forwarded to me by another reader:

This bike is apparently all you need to be the "Fixie King:"

It's also got a lengthy, formidable, and borderline "epic" pedigree:

MAKE ME AN OFFER FIXIE KID.

IM FRICKIN OVER IT, BUDDY, AND SO NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. EVERYONE WANTS THIS BIKE AND IF THE MONEYS RIGHT ITS YOURS.MY MESSENGER PALS HAVE OFFERED ME BIG BUCKS COUNTLESS TIMES FOR THIS THING AND IVE ALWAYS TURNED EM DOWN, BUT I NO LONGER GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT TRACK BIKES.SCORE FOR YOU, YOU TIGHT PANTS ELECTRO SHOW PBR CHUGGING GIRLS HAIRCUT COKE SNORTER.

THIS BIKE HAS BEEN RACED ALL OVER THIS FREAKIN PLANET AND WON MORE CRAP THAN I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO GET RID OF. IT BEAT THE FASTEST MESSENGER IN NEW YORK (THATS RIGHT ROOKIE, IM TALKIN ABOUT FELIPE. LEARN IT. LIVE IT. KNOW IT.) IN THE FOURTH OF JULY SPRINTS AND HE WAS ON ACID AND I WAS JUST DRUNK SO THERE YA GO, COOL GUY, ITS FAST.

RIDDEN IN THE WARRIORS RACE, NYC., WINNER, BEST COLORS.

RIDDEN IN HALLOWEEN ALLEYCAT THROWN BY SQUID, NYC. TOOK MUSHROOMS, PUKED. GOT PART OF MY COSTUME IN A QUEENS BOULEVARD HOOKERS' MOUTH.

KHS AERO TRACK ALUMINUM TRACK RACING FRAME 57CM AND FITS LIKE A 54- 55 (SLOPED TOP TUBE, GENIUS. IT'LL FIT ANYONE WHO CAN RIDE A 53 TO A 59.),IN ORIGINAL RED COLORWAY WITH ORIGINAL LOGOS AND ACTUAL BIKE MESSENGER STICKERS PLACED LONG AGO BY AN ACTUAL WORKING WORLD TRAVELING ALLEY CATTING RACING MULTIPLE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS AND NACC ATTENDING 6 YEAR VETERAN SF BIKE MESSENGER,ULTEGRA HEADSET BECAUSE IT CAN STAND THE ABUSE, SMART GUY. YOUY CAN RE-TUNE YOUR VINTAGE C-RECORD ONE EVERY DAY OR RUN THIS ONE AND NEVER TOUCH IT. AND ITS LIGHTER SO YOUR ARMS CAN LIFT IT, SINCE YOUVE NEVER WORKED A DAY IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU HAVE A HANGOVER.CAMPAGNOLO 165 MM BMX CRANKS FILED TO PREVENT BREAKAGE BY A REAL ACTUAL GENUINE BONA FIDE WORKING NON ROOKIE O.G. VETERAN SAN FRANCISCO BIKE MESSENGER (NOT JUST DRESSED LIKE ONE) SO THEY WILL NOT BREAK NO MATTER HOW HOT YOU GET TRYING TO IMPRESS THAT FIXIE CHICK IN YOUR ROOMMATES FRIGGIN ALLEY CAT.BRIGESTONE KEIRIN FORK, GREY COLORWAY, RACED ON THE KEIRIN TRACK, PURCHASED AT BRIDGESTONE KEIRIN FRAME FACTORY, KYOTO, JAPAN.CAMPAGNOLO SEALED CARTRIDGE BOTTOM BRACKET. ONCE AGAIN, YOU CAN JACK WITH YOUR C-RECORD ONE EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO RIDE, OR RUN THIS ONE AT A WEIGHT INCREASE OF 6 GRAMS AND NEVER HAVE TO TOUCH IT AGAIN. YOUR CHOICE, BIKE EXPERT.GOLD KEIRIN CHAIN. BLING FRIGGIN BLING.UNOBTANIUM SEAT POST COLLAR. PHYSICALLY LIGHTER THAN AIR. ACTUALLY REDUCES WEIGHT OF BIKE BY 3 GRAMS.

THIS THING IS SET UP HOW A REAL MESSENGER SET IT UP. I KNOW BECAUSE IM THE ONE THAT BUILT IT, NOT VALENCIA CYCLERY, AND NOT CAUSE I HANDED EM 5 GRAND OF DADDYS MONEY AND SAID MAKE ME LOOK COOL.AND SO NOW YOU CAN TAKE THAT MONEY THAT YOUR DADDY GAVE YOU FOR ART COLLEGE TUITION AND BUY THE BIKE THAT IS GUARANTEED TO GET YOU UNPROTECTED SEX IN THE BATHROOM AT THAT FIXIE HIPSTER BAR ON 16TH.

I GOT WHEELS AND TIRES AND SEATS AND SEATPOSTS AND PEDALS AND STEMS AND BARS AND ALL THAT OTHER CRAP LAYING AROUND SO IF THE MONEYS RIGHT I'LL LET YOU SET THIS THING UP AND I'LL EVEN ASSEMBLE IT FOR YOU SINCE YOUVE NEVER TOUCHED A WRENCH IN YOUR LIFE. CAMPY CAMPY CAMPY. ALL THAT CRAP IS PHIL WOOD AND KEIRIN AND CAMPY AND IT'LL GET YOU NOTICED ON VALENCIA.

SO THATS IT. YOU FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH YOU WANT THIS THING, ADD TWO ZEROS TO THE END OF THAT TO GET CLOSER TO REALITY AND EMAIL ME.

At first, I really wanted to know the Snob's true identity just because it was a secret. As time went on, I actually decided that I'd rather not know, and wondered how he would promote the upcoming book without outing himself.

Well, eben a while since the Times article, and now we know. Harken back to that fateful night 36 years ago when his mom, still groggy from the anesthesia, misspelled "Evan" on his birth certificate. The rest, as they say, is history.

In retrospect, all the signs were there. We just did not see them.

Did not the great John F. Kennedy famously declare "Eben ein Berliner?"

Most nights, CommieCanuck shares a beer with his neighbor, Ben, after work, and he's always saying "Eben, pass me another Molsons, woodja?"

This comment board has long been looked at as a Garden of Eben of sorts.

And there are those who long suspected Mr. Weiss's alter ego.I wonder if he's eben in fear of being unmasked. They would say to him, " You're the Bikesnob, don't eben deny it."

for 3 years i've read, speculated and hoped...knowing your identity has created a new void, but i'll persevere. thank you so much for the 10s of minutes of reading every day! i look forward to the book.

So when did Jason Gay move from the NYT to the WSJ?!? Or is he the FREELANCE F-ING KING! (not to be confused with the "Free Lance F-ing King".

Also Snobby, that Craigslist ad is freaking brilliant. You need to hire whoever wrote it as intern #2. And by 'hire' I mean have work for no money and pay them in free swag that you get sent to review.

Eben Weiss?! Sounds like a song from the Sound of Music! Snobby, how could you throw it all away? I feel like I just found out that Superman is Clark Kent, Batman is Bruce Wayne, Dame Edna is some Aussie transvestite!And to the Wall Street Journal of all papers?! Did you want Ann Coulter to find out first?Well, there is nothing left now but waiting for the inevitable BSNYC merchandising. Can't wait to buy my official Rapha Epic BSNYC handlebar mounted book holder for mobile editors.

Before commenting I did some research, LexisNexis has no case citations or briefs relating to the Salmon defense. Neither does westlaw; not the REstatement of Torts; however if you Google "Salmon Defense" there is an actual listing for a NGO called SalmonDefense.org which relates to saving the fish. The 3d listed result is this very post.

I do agree that establishing cycling-related precedent with Judge Judy was probably ill-advised.

I was really hoping to see Snob on tour wearing one of those Mexican wrestling masks and Prolly would come running in and rip it off. Frilly, jumps in with a folding chair and smacks Prolly with it, grabbing the mask and rushing it to the Barnes and Nobel mens room....

Wouldn't you agree that the attempted use of the "Salmon Defense" was misdirected? What was Judge Judy supposed to say, "OK, Ms. Salmon, I order you to step into the shoes of Mr. Defedant because you were negligent"? Perhaps Mr. Defendant could sue Ms. Salmon for causing him to incur the wrath (and $1,900 in damages) of Mr. No-Tie, in which case he would be able to re-use his handy-dandy visual aid and by doing so establish "Salmoning" as an actionable tort. Better go forum shopping, however, as I doubt Judge Judy will want to see him again. I think an earlier commenter said Judge Joe Brown was a cyclist (unless he rides a recumbent in which case I would just chip off the $1,900 and be done with it).

Wouldn't you agree that the attempted use of the "Salmon Defense" was misdirected? What was Judge Judy supposed to say, "OK, Ms. Salmon, I order you to step into the shoes of Mr. Defedant because you were negligent"? Perhaps Mr. Defendant could sue Ms. Salmon for causing him to incur the wrath (and $1,900 in damages) of Mr. No-Tie, in which case he would be able to re-use his handy-dandy visual aid and by doing so establish "Salmoning" as an actionable tort. Better go forum shopping, however, as I doubt Judge Judy will want to see him again. I think an earlier commenter said Judge Joe Brown was a cyclist (unless he rides a recumbent in which case I would just chip off the $1,900 and be done with it).

I agree with Bad Lawyer. Getting an adverse ruling from Judge Judy will only hinder the filing of future salmon injury lawsuits on other faux trial shows. The best thing to do now is have the salmon classified as "endangered" so Japanese fishermen will deplete their schools.

Oh dear:Mr. Armstrong, who is competing in the Tour of Flanders in Belgium on April 4, also learned the Snob's name early on, and has ridden with Mr. Weiss on visits to New York. "He's really smart and well read," Mr. Armstrong said. "I have no problem spending four hours [riding] with him."

So...Mr. Armstrong is saying that is the Snob wasn't smart and well-read, he WOULD have a problem spending four hours with him? And isn't the WSJ assuming something there--maybe Mr. Armstrong doesn't have a problem spending four hours with someone smart and well-read, but riding, well....

So, the Snob and his wife are expecting. Soon we'll see posts on bike trailers...

Gordon Gecko you are not, I think Rupert Murdoch is the man to save the tarck bike.

"Mr. Armstrong, who is competing in the Tour of Flanders in Belgium on April 4, also learned the Snob's name early on, and has ridden with Mr. Weiss on visits to New York. "He's really smart and well read," Mr. Armstrong said. "I have no problem spending four hours [riding] with him."

I guess Lance felt the same way about Contador. Ok maybe he thinks Contador is a douchebag, and that is why he cant play with team Radio Shack.

At first, I wanted so badly to know who you were. After a while, though, I became nonplussed with your identity. I figured you'd share at some point. I'll look for you at the races. Maybe you can sign my chest or something. I'll never stop reading, though!

Hey Snobby, good to put name to a face. GREAT post today, I laughed several times. I also read most of the comments and your fans came up with some good quips. I will buy the book, 'cause I'm a sucker for buying more bike stuff then I need. BTW, my new avatar is yours truly worshiping the lobster god at dinner.

I'm going to pretend this didn't happen. I don't care about your book, or your baby, or your wife. These are all fine things in the real world I guess, but I prefer you to be an anonymous and faceless oracle of bicycle related sarcasm. the CL ad a classic example.

...for the coming out, ehhh, not so much (ya, ya, book sales, i got it !!!...sheesh, now i gotta pay $17.00 for the kibitzing...oy vey) but for you & the good ms goodman w/ a little one on the way, a kine-ahora......w/ babies n' book signings, i see no idle-weiss's around 'snob manor' this spring...

You're not the only one. But I'm not one of you. What difference does it make to you who he is? Do you know him? The man can write, and I doubt any salmon will stop their push aginst the flow if they see him with camera at the ready.

the salmon chick looks just likes jolene and its kind of freking me out

id say dont get mad just get eben but you is probably getting tired of shit like that

dam ifn they didnt cancel one of my comments at the uppity yankee express times or whatever the fuck they call that paper

yankees was shitting on snobby for sitting with his feet in the water but i tolt them it was becos he was gaitering but hadnt figured out your supposed to use your hands instead of your feet but i was given him credit for trying and then i ast if i could get a free autograffed book for jolene

i think when i added the sentance fuck you yankees we shold have kicked your asses at getiesberg they might have took ofense at that

...as the only person incarcerated on alcatraz, i don't get out much...& hey, dammit, technically i wasn't sentenced to "the rock" but a sight seeing tour went askew but try & explain that to one's parole officer...she has no mercy...

anon 5:17, I believe Mr. Snob/Weiss actually was, like me, a proto-hipster, or bike riding punk rock dork, as we were called back-in-the-day. Since the hipster "scene" wasn't even open until 2005, and by then we had been listening to Blackflag for about 20 years, I don't think he even "tried".

Perhaps the greatest irony in all of hipsterdom, is that the dorkiest styles of 20-25 years ago, are now the pinnacle of cool. How did that happen?

Snob, if I have missed the mark on this, I apologize. I may be the last punk rock retro dork here.

and here i was thinking you were some unemployed stoner who lived at home with his mother and her menagerie of cats. hopefully we won't see you in any upcoming episodes of "celebrities gone wild" where you are caught on camera puking PBR all over a fixed gear you snagged of craigslist

Who? Eben Weiss? Oh, you mean Bike Snob. Yea, I was into him, back in the day, you know that he was anonymous before he sold out? I was into his stuff like twenty-oh nine or was it 08? Yea, practically the dark ages. He used to be pretty hip except for rubbin' with Armstong who said it was better than reading. Not that Armstrong reads. I guess it was pretty hip to slum it with Texan jocks back in the day. Anyway, that's old flat brim hat and knuckle tats. Yea, his stuff is still pretty solid these days, but I haven't been following since his outing in the WSJ and the Mellow Johnny appearance. Ewww. But I'm happy for him, I mean the guy is well read and all.

Wait a second! Are posing next to you bike, positioned sideways, forcing all those other cyclists to swerve, veer, and otherwise change their line of travel just so he can drop "Blue Steel" on the WSJ photographer? I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume you're just waiting for all those other cyclists who happen to be traveling the wrong way to clear out.

Snob,I don't understand the animosity between you and the NY Times, and if I'm missing something here, please set me straight. Did the City Room reporter breach a promise not to reveal your name? If so, then I understand your anger. Otherwise, I don't see how you can expect any publication or blog to hold back your identity until you authorize its release. That's not up to you. You're a blogger and author, and that makes you fair game.

eben weiss as snob is old news sorry. any fool who really wanted to figure this out could have pieced to gether the logistics like i did a couple of years back: he likes cyclocross, so look for races on days he takes off from the blog.then factor in some obvious inferences: probably white, late 30s based on cultural references.then the fact he lives in brooklyn.punch all of this stupid crap into the us cycling site and theres your man. i have actually just posted his name one on the comments, and within monutes it was removed by writer or what not...he looks a little like squiggy BTW...

It doesn't really take much to amount to $1,900.00 in damage. I once barely nicked a bumper on a pickup truck, caused literally a dime sized scuff through the top coat and it cost me $1,800.00.

Also, Harney...not too smart, fingering the salmon....very funny & the craigslist guy? Holy crap I'm not sure what's scarier that he thinks that someone thinks that all that crap is important or that someone might actually think all that crap is important.

hahahaha!!!! that is so awesome! the only thing I worry about is...what will become of the blog. After nearly three years of insightful thoughts from the snob...well I hope it doesn't fade away to fast

Ant, Yeah, I thought of that after posting.I'd not be surprised to find out all the regulars are Snob's relatives.

Frilly, you deny...but until we see solid proof, such as photographic evidence that the lovely Sara G. lacks any road rash scars on her posterior, well...

On the other hand, if it were true, that would ruin the second greatest secret on this blog. Snob'd identity being the first, the second being the question, "Is Frilly single?".I guess we'll find out when you get a book deal, eh?

...any truth to the rumor that 'someone' @ the ralph m vincinanza literary agency has arranged a book deal w/ st martin's press for anyone & everyone who has ever posted on the bsnyc/rtms/ab/ew blogsite ???...

The Wall Street Journal has a Sports page? Articles featured are the “Identity of the Bike Snob” and “Top bobsledders and lugers race on cooking woks”? This has a Ripleys’ Believe-it-or-Not quality. It is very close to April 1st.

In the bastardised words of Judge Roy Schneider "I herby bestow upon you the name BikeSnobNYC together with all his wordly poossesions including his helper monkey Vito. And no one will ever speak of this episode again... under penalty of fingerbanging"

For the past years Bike Snob has written about the things he has seen around him in his life. In May Baby Snob will have his or her own Coming Out Party.

Please don't tell me your Blog will then be about your life experiences. That would mean your Blog will be all about Poop (insert your favorite word, it doesn't matter what you call it, it will still stink.)

Ha ha, I bet Nogocyclist will not leave his laptop unattended again. Don't tell him his helper Eagle knows how to type.

Funny story today, I'm at an office and not yet gotten my daily dose of snark when I pick up the very wsj sports page to see mr weiss (whom I knew the secret identity as many others have posted about, plus my teammate did the art for the book). And I'm stunned the public outing has finally occured but I have no opportunity to celebrate that the best cycling/snark blogger is a real person with featuresway with totoal non-bike dork strangers. Fail!

Snob , you may want to order this from ( the late) Sheldon;s websitehttp://www.sheldonbrown.com/carrababy.htmlSorry, too dumb to figure out how to link.Wow, a bike tyre explodes for no reason, two days after a ride, I saw a real Fred( tan, slightly unshaven,15,000 bike, good legs and a sneer) and snob is outed.

Snobby! Congrats on (finally) coming out! (and not of the closet). Although I don't think your commute over the Big Skanky will be as solemn as you're used to now. If I see you on the street I WILL try and race you. Also congrats you're going to be a dad. I can totally see why you're "selling out" got mouths to feed now!

Of course it's fair game, but I don't have to like the way they did it. The NYT could have done that months or even years ago; maybe even with my participation. Instead, they did it when they did and how entirely to screw a rival publication, which nearly killed an article with actual up-to-date information.

Of course, in the end it worked out for me--I got articles in the WSJ and the NYT on the same day--but as a newspaper reader does it bother you a little bit that some schmuck with a bike blog is getting way too much coverage due entirely to a reporter's petty agenda?

Comment deleted by author means that the person writing the comment deleted it. People who post Anonymous or just with name under the Name/URL option do not get the little trash can under the post option.

I could be wrong, I have never deleted a user's comment on my blog. I have only had two people comment on my blog, so why would I remove them? I think I read that if this happens, there is no comment and no evidence there ever was a comment.

Just saying what he says is fishy, for if it happened, his comment would simply disappear, not say removed by author.

Snob, I have invested in Photographic equipment to take photo's of my helper eagle and her husband. I have a 300mm IS lens for taking photos of these two. They are very camera shy and will not let you close to them with a camera.

Since I have this equipment already, I am headed to NYC for some paparazzi action. I will get a shot of you and I will reveal to the whole world that knuckle tatt' you have on the hand you are hiding.

Sponsored Linkway:

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!