It’s Draft Day And I Don’t Care

For the last several years we’ve looked forward to draft day in a big way. When you have a top 10, hell, a top 5 pick, it’s easy to do and a welcome party as one of the few times that your silt-sucking franchise gets to be the belle of the ball. Two years ago it was in Los Angeles and we had such a ball sitting around, cheering for Derek Forbort even though we had no idea who the he was, booing Gary Bettman as is perfunctory for the home town crowd when he appears for any other reason than to present the Stanley Cup, booing the Ducks was particularly amusing, even though it was a bit cruel for Emerson Etem’s first NHL experience to be one of supposedly undeserved venom.

Last year was the first year of Dean Lombardi’s tenure that he didn’t have a first round draft pick, and boy were we sore at that, having wasted it on that lump of batter Dustin Penner. Much would have preferred to have that first round pick.

When the Kings traded for Jeff Carter, they threw in another 1st round draft choice, however we didn’t know which one. If we were to make the playoffs then Columbus would have the option of taking our pick this year or next. At the time of the trade, this was a big deal. I mean if we missed the playoffs AND had no first round pick for the second year in a row, boy howdy, another reason we all had Lombardi’s place in the unemployment line reserved with ass tattoo-scented candles leading the way.

And then we won the Stanley Cup. How many of you have randomly turned to a friend, family member or stranger in the last week and said out of the blue, with zero context, “We won the Stanley Cup.”? I do it daily. I make a point of having people read to me the information my glorious hat informs.

Since the puck dropped against Vancouver in the first round, all thoughts of the draft fled my mind. I thought once the playoffs were over for the Kings that my attention would refocus on the draft. It was after all, such a delightful time in recent Kings history. Well, the draft is today and frankly, I don’t give a shit.

Will we select 30th today, or will Columbus opt to take our pick? Don’t care.
Will there be a lot of trade action going on, Rick Nash, Bobby Ryan, first round picks being swapped more generously than Doughty’s spit with Hemorsa Beach floozies? Not my problem.
Will I even watch the damn thing? Probably, but only to hear 29 general managers say “First off we would like to congratulate the Los Angeles Kings on winning the Stanley Cup.”

I couldn’t even tell you who the top prospect is in the draft this year. Wait, that’s incorrect, I remember reading about some kid named Nail. No idea who he is or what position he plays, but the name stuck with me because I couldn’t help but muse at the redundancy of a broadcaster exclaiming ‘Nail scores!’.

Normally Scribe or myself would have broken down some of the hot prospects. Our winning the Cup doesn’t take away from the excitement of potential a fresh group of victims for the NHL slaughter promises, but we’ve just been feeling a bit too… Championy.

So let today come and go, let Hammond write about it with the same enthusiasm that he wrote about the Kings winning the Cup (known colloquially as “zippity do da”), let whichever fan base of whichever team that sucked so bad as to have a top five draft pick get all riled up and thrilled.

When a man is poor and strikes it rich people say that he should remember his roots. I used to believe in that. That was before we won a Stanley Cup.

19 replies

“I couldn’t help but muse at the redundancy of a broadcaster exclaiming ‘Nail scores!’.”
Surly, you had damned well better be impressed. This guy is a goalie (surprised you didn’t know that) and yet has scored goals. Fricken incredible.

See what happens when I get on this site?!! It brings out the quirky in me full force.
You guys are not a good influence……. but I’ll keep coming back all the time just the same.
Happy Draft Day!!

… Oh I see. You’re fucking with me. I was willing to believe because I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve payed exactly zero attention to anything regarding this draft. But damn you for forcing me to do my first google search about it.

Ah, the spectacle of new blood arriving into the viens of the NHL. The throwing of lavish amounts of cash to young kids that live in bedroom number two or three at ma-ma’s home. Watching some of their girlfriends since age 13 holding hands with their hockey giant of a man, but only probably going to lose that man in 12 months. Noticing how these kids still have a couple of inches to grow in height, waist, chest, and biceps. The smiles from ear to ear when they are finally selected, even those that were bypassed and bypassed way beyond their expectation. The team of tables full of busy nonsense and banter and intrigue as if a Sherlock Homes mystery was dramatizing on stage, yet the reality is that it much more like a beauty contest or horse auction.
Yeah, I will watch what needs to be watched for the sake of being a fan too of the NHL, but, my trusty Direct TV controller will be often used to allow me to get to the meat of it all to complete my duty of being a hockey fan.

At first I wasn’t going to watch the draft. But then I realized there was no hockey on (duh) and no basketball on (which is a poor substitute for hockey but has miraculously managed to hold my attention the last 27 years) and I simply refuse to watch baseball on tv. So here is my proposed solution: Make a drinking game out of the draft!
Every time someone congratulates the Kings on winning the Cup – take a drink
Every time someones name is pronounced incorrectly – take a drink
Every time Matt Greene’s helmet comes off – take a…oh wait, this isn’t a game, it’s the draft…oops
Every time you see a toothless grin appear on your tv screen – take a drink (bonus drinks for each tooth that is missing?)
Every time Bettman appears on your tv – take a drink (and try not to throw your drink at your tv. Television screen + alcoholic beverage hurled at it = sad Kings fan with a broken tv)

Yo man, we be on the same wavelength. Fuck the draft. As a matter of fact, fuck everybody but Kings fans. Especially, fuck the hockey writers from the east coast, and fuck those fag crybabies in New Jersey (apologies to fag blog readers). This time of year past would include scouring bullshit blogs (EK-the worst waste of bandwidth) and anything mentioning Kings. Now, I don’t care either. BUT, I will also tune in for the congratulatory quips from the GM’s who didn’t win the Stanley Cup like our bad ass hockey team. Also to see if we can pick another Hall of Famer at #171. It’s a good luck number for us. Fuck Yeah. We won the STANLEY CUP.