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It's Fun to Play the Piano ... Please Pass It On!

Here's something to peruse and amuse over coffee on a Friday. Jodi suggested sharing these with y'all.

Regards,Joy

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New Words......

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asksreaders to take any word from the dictionary, alter itby adding, subtracting, or changing one letter andsupply a new definition. Here are the 2001 winners:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, whichlasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for thepurpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic witand the person who doesn't get it.

Thanks for your friendly greetings. I miss you guys too. And so many of the good-hearted folk here as well.

A colleague sent me the following Kid Quotes. These really happened. Caution, a few of those pesky asterisks may appear.

Incidentally, I NEVER utilize asterisks in any of my own graphic design work. Why? To my eye, they look too much like a certain anatomical feature that is spelled with SEVEN asterisks at this Forum. Ironic, yes?

Cheers,Joy

Why We Love Children...[/b]

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I ****ed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the childinnocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and itdidn't move."

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A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in andout and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in hertummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

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A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom.." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition.." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Here's one. It's a story I used to tell when I would give motivational talks. It deals with not being afraid to express your own creativity - not limiting your creative horizons by worrying if someone will laugh at your efforts.

Sunday school, a room full of preschoolers. The Sunday school teacher tells the kids to take out some paper and crayons and draw a picture that expresses what they like most about going to church.

All the kids are happily drawing, out on the tops of the tables, except little Suzie. She's got her hand wrapped over her paper so no one can see what she's drawing.

"Why are you hiding your picture, Suzie?" the teacher asked. "Can I see what you're drawing?" "Not til I finish," Suzie replied. "Well...what are you drawing, Suzie?" asked the teacher.

"God." came the reply.

The teacher laughed and said "that's going to be a little hard to do, isn't it Suzie? After all, no one has seen Him. They don't know what He looks like."

Suzie looked up with total confidence in her eyes and said,

"They will when I get done with this picture."

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Life isn't measured by the breaths you take. Life is measured by the things that left you breathless

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.