to wonder who gets the final say re: choosing the house?

Simply put, I want a homey, cozy house where I can have a cat or two, H has found an 'interesting' flat which suits his dream, it doesn't do ANYTHING for me or how I want to live. There's no compromise... he shouted me down when I showed him details of a few that I liked saying he didn't like small rooms, etc, the truth is he thinks that he's earned the money so he should have final say and I should go along with it.

Aside from our relationship issues (he's controling in other ways) I wondered who generally how others handle it? In my mind...the woman should have the final say or at least a free hand decorating etc. Would I come across as a foot-stamping princess if I LTB because of this?

Having said that, I have chosen our houses, albeit with strict instructions re garage/workshop space, which is DH's key requirement. I would not suggest a house that did not meet that brief. In fact, DH only viewed our current house. The rest I visited alone or with my sister... He would have had right of veto though.

This is one of those (rare) times when you both need to agree. To my mind - we're going through this too - each person has a realistic list of requirements, and you look for properties that work for you both. Bit that requires both of you to be honest about what is a must-have.

Joint. I saw our current house a few times before dh came to see it, and with our last few they were always my 'find' but he fell for them too. We wouldn't buy unless we both agreed, certainly not my decision as I am female or his because he earns. You both have to live there!

DH (fiance at the time) and I kept looking until we found 'our' dream house - as opposed to his or my dream house.

You would not be unreasonable to leave because he's controlling, that is only likely to get worse unless he chooses to change. His willingness to shout you down is an ominous sign, you should be equals.

It should be a joint decision. Shouting you down is unacceptable and it is called BULLYING. I feel sorry you have to live with such behaviour.

You should have a shortlist and decide together. If it is not YOUR home as well from the outset, it never will be. Put your foot down. If the flat is horrible, just say a categoric NO. If he goes ahead and buys it - that is your sign to leave.

There has to be a compromise. Can't you find a cosy house with an open plan living arrangement? Some flats have gardens.

I have lived in 4 homes with DH. The first one, I chose completely.The second one, was a rental, we chose it together, but actually DH let me have the final say between a choice of two. The third one, we built and DH designed the layout - I had only minimal input after giving my wishlist. But I decorated ALL of it. The layout wasn't perfect but it had all the things on my wishlist and I made it a beautiful home .The fourth one, a rental, DH chose it completely as he arrived in UK ahead of me and I only saw it the day I moved in - when I arrived from overseas. But he made a brilliant choice.

No idea why owning a particular set of genitalia would help you decide which house you should live in? What happens when you are both the same sex? Would it be smallest willy for men and biggest vulva for women?

You are both going to be living there so you both need to agree and/or make compromises. Its not like going out for dinner where if you don't like it you can pick the next restaurant.

It also sounds like you need to have a serious conversation about how your finances will work, if he thinks that you need to agree with him because he makes more money ut sounds like he isn't planning on giving you a say in how the money is spent, ever.

Oh women should have final say on the house, and definitely on the decor.Because homemaking is for women and we're better at choosing curtains because we like pretty things.We like them even more when men pay for them.