stuck in Hotlanta. yeah, i've said i always wanted to visit, but not like this. NOT LIKE FUCKING THIS. i should be in Brasil at this very moment. but instead, piece of shit Dulles International Airport had some serious back up on the runway. missed my connecting flight by FIVE GOD DAMN MINS. so, Delta (which BLOWS SERIOUS DONKEY DICK) hooked me up w/ a 'discounted' price to a crap ass hotel that doesn't even have a fucking bar. can anyone else see how much i am in dire need of a god damn drink right now? shit.

so i get to the hotel late. it was nearly midnight. ask the front desk if they have room service. no ma'am, we don't serve food. WHAT... WHAT??!! WTF??!!! okay, fine. i said... i can wait until tomorrow for food. where's the alkeymahal, i ask. oooh... um, we don't have a bar, either?!

this is when i proceed to go ape shit, climb up on the counter and proceed to fling my own feces at everyone w/in my tossing range. okay... this is just my imagination letting this happen... but whatevah, it allows me calm the fuck down a little.

i wake up this morning. actually slept like a brick. and go for the complimentary breakfast the hotel says they provide. i looked at the food and said no fucking way am i putting any of this shit in my mouth. it was the cheapest, most trifling food i've seen. worse than school food. they didn't even have coffee, for christ's sake. they had decaf. fuck my life.

okay... so can i just get to the review about Zaxby's already? i know, i know. i'm doing it wrong.

so... go up to the front desk again and ask... do you know where i can find some semi-healthy eats in walking distance? long silence. she (the manager) finally responds with... there's a zaxby's. they supposed to be pretty good. okay, kewl. i'll go there. i'm starving!

good and healthy do not equate to the same definition as i soon gathered once i stepped into this joint. it looked pretty similar to a McDonald's minus the alarming red/yellow colors and the entire menu was based round chicken.

fuck it, i said. healthy shmealthy. i'm on vacation and have had a bad day. one blackened grilled chicken salad w/ blue cheese and Mediterranean dressing on the side w/ a small order of fries and an iced tea.

it came out. salad looked decent enough, but it came w/ two slices of grilled cheese w/out the cheese. i looked at it funny and the cashier noticed. what's wrong, she asked. oh nothing, i said... just wondering if that's bread grilled w/ butter? yes, ma'am. she replied.

wow. this IS the South. didn't bother eating that unnecessary artery clogger, but did get down on the salad and some of the fries since i really needed some carbs. the salad was okay. the fries were pretty boring and tasteless, though. iced tea was fantastic and just what i needed to give me a little caffeine boost.

but as far as food goes, meh... i'm a fucking snob and prefer health over being a fat fuck. i won't be back."

Traci Lords goes on a journey of vengeance and squibs while making the same stupid face constantly.

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