Homophobia is the glue that holds society together, claims Catholic Church

A letter by the Catholic Church’s two most senior archbishops outlininghow being a homophobic bigot is the only way to stop society being reduced to a sinful post-apocalyptic wasteland similar to Mad Max, but with more gays, is to be read out loud in 2,500 parish churches.

The letter, which was apparently written in all seriousness by Archbishop Vincent Nichols, the leader of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales, and Archbishop Peter Smith, the Archbishop of Southwark, tells Catholics that allowing same-sex marriages will have a damaging effect on children.

In one passage the Archbishops wrote: “We must think of the children, but this time we must think of them fully clothed.”

“The introduction of same-sex marriages that we won’t have to have any involvement in should not distract us from our moral obligation to tell people that they’re going to suffer eternal torment in the fiery pits of hell.”

“Some people are determined to live their own lives, and this is something that we have a duty to try and stop.”

Catholic same sex warnings

Last week Cardinal Keith O’Brien, the leader of the Roman Catholic Church in Scotland, warned that the plans would shame the United Kingdom in the eyes of people who are okay with the covering up of child sex abuse.

Pope Benedict XVI has also hit out at the plans in a speech to US bishops, in which he also described premarital sex and cohabitation as “gravely sinful” and “damaging to the stability of society”.

The speech has since been proclaimed a miracle due to the fact that it was delivered with a straight face and no sense of irony.