12 GROSS Things All Couples Are Guilty Of Doing In Secret!

Couples are a weird species of their own. They have their own language, a set of traditions that are exclusively theirs and a universe in which they revel in each other’s comforting presence. Once couples get comfortable with each other, they start doing things that would freak anyone out, if they got to witness it. In fact, there are a host of gross things couples do, that they would never admit to, but are always guilty of.

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When you are in a new relationship, you are anxious to present your best version to your partner. However, once you get comfortable with each other, you begin to open up and be more relaxed in each other’s company and engage in some unnaturally gross things that single people would not understand for the life of them. We spoke to a number of couples who have managed to stick with each other over time, and came up with a list of gross things that all couples seem to do all the damn time.

You know you have reached peak comfort level when you start brushing and doing your business in front of each other in the bathroom. There are no doors and no boundaries for couples who have been in a relationship for quite some time. They don’t have shame, embarrassment or anything of the sort and are totally comfortable going about their morning routines together with each other in the bathroom. Even though this might sound gross, it actually goes to show how much at ease a couple is in each other’s company, and of course, it saves a ton of time.

2. Pimple popping for recreation

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Honestly though, it couldn’t get more gross than this. Popping pimples and zits is regular recreation activity that long-term couples engage in, surprisingly often. To be honest, I understand the satisfaction one gets from popping one’s own pimples and watching gross things ooze out from your body and marvelling at the wonderful secrets you didn’t know your body was hiding from you. But what joy couples get from doing this to each other is a little hard to understand. It is nonetheless, one of the list toppers of gross things that couples do.

3. Sniffing each other

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Couples who have been together for approximately forever don’t have to worry about embarrassing themselves in public because they have each other to check for odd smells that they might be exuding. Before going out, after getting up from bed, before an important meeting, or any random time of the day, you might (or might not) catch couples getting a sniff of each other to check whether they are presentable. Even though this is gross AF, couples love it, because love is weird and for them, even the stinky boos are still their boos.

4. Burping in front of each other

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Couple’s land is essentially the land of shamelessness, where even burping in front of each other in the most uncouth manner is considered super normal. Even if particles from last night’s Chinese takeout come out of the mouth, their partner’s are likely to tolerate it with a pinch of salt and unflinching love for their gross, but adorable lover. It is truly a talent to be able to reach that kind of peak comfort level with another human being.

5. Super causal period talk

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Even though periods themselves are the most natural thing ever, talking about them is a whole different ball game. In fact, I don’t think I know of a single person who has a pleasant period anecdote to share. The description can get pretty graphic, but if you are in a long-term relationship, your partner is totally used to it. No matter how horrifying your periods are, discussing the flow, texture, symptoms, craving, cramps, etc. is totally normal with them.

Farting is also a natural bodily process that people generally tend to be ashamed of doing in public. This is why they are as discreet as possible. Even during the first 18 months of your relationship, you pretend like you have never farted in your life, because you are beautiful and you are not capable of such things. However, one night of spicy Indian food later, you can’t really help it, after which it becomes a totally normal thing in front of each other. Even though you are embarrassed at first, passing wind is funnier than a lot of other things in life. Weird, but true.

7. Kissing with morning breath

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Morning breath takes some getting used to, if you or your partner have the misfortune of getting it. However, for those who have been together for literally forever, it is just another endearing thing about their partner’s which other people are likely to get super grossed out by. In the beginning of a relationship, you sneakily get up before your partner, brush your teeth and go back to bed, so that when they wake up, you have miraculously minty breath when they kiss you. After a while, you realise that it is just too much effort, and they kind of dig it too.

8. Sharing a toothbrush

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A totally accurate Google search will reveal that you exchange about a gazillion germs when you kiss, which hasn’t discouraged people from making out vigorously with people on a daily basis. However, couples who have been together with each other for a really, really long time tend to do things that are even more gross, like sharing each other’s toothbrushes. I mean, in hindsight, I guess that’s okay because there are much grosser things you could do with each other, but sharing the toothbrush is definitely a couple’s thing that normal people would find super, super weird.

9. Picking each other’s teeth

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Okay getting food, lipstick, other weird things stuck in between and on your teeth is an everyday thing, which is why contraptions like toothpicks and floss exist. However, long term couples are in a league of their own, and they don’t need all these sanitary products, because they have each other. Picking things out of each other’s teeth is a pretty common thing, and doing so with their bare hands is even more normal for them (probably because it saves time). It is nonetheless an action that stems from love, because you wouldn’t your partner to embarrass themselves in public, even though you are totally okay with stuff on their teeth.

10. Body hair is a conversation starter

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In the initial dating phase, body hair is a real issue. You don’t want hair on your legs, arms or face, you don’t want your beard to be too matted or too much hair on your chest, etc. etc. However, since you get comfortable in each other’s presence, you start giving less of a fudge about it, and it becomes an interesting topic of conversation. Whether it is hair in your underarms or hair down under, your bae has seen it all, and loves it all, without judgement.

11. Getting sick in front of each other

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Okay, this is a pretty gross one, but it definitely made the list, considering every couple in a long term relationship has seen their partner’s get sick. A normal cute sickness, like fever, is okay, but when it comes to the liquid sicknesses like barfing and diarrhea, it gets pretty challenging. I feel situations like these truly test your love, and if you have seen and survived one of these then you are truly meant to be. For couples who have been together for real long, helping the other person through a sickness, despite the rancid smells that are pretty inevitable, it is totally normal.

Even though there is nothing particularly gross and unhygienic about giving each other nicknames, it is still something couples do exclusively. In fact, the more time they spend with each other, the more senseless, meaningless and random these nicknames get. These are names and sounds normal people cannot even begin to comprehend, and must not try to, even if they witnessed it firsthand.

No matter how much single people make fun of these typically couple things, there is no denying that they are jealous of the fact that couples have their very own people to be gross with, and not get judged because of it. The best thing about this intensely gross list is that couples who stick with each other develop a bond that is so unique to them, that to other people, it all feels like idiosyncrasies. The moral of the story is, gross couples love each other completely, without inhibition and judgement. Never change, gross couples.

Couples are guilty of doing a lot of gross things with each other. Here are some really gross things couples do when they have been dating forever!

Aishani Laha

Bibliophile. Feminist. Unreasonable optimist. I am dangerously obsessed with the English language and the stage is my second home. I still believe in fairy tales and happy endings, and more importantly, that there is nothing that good music and a cup of coffee can’t fix.