Wednesday, May 9, 2012

09052012

I suddenly feel empty.

Empty from the inside, like a glass bottle with only a white marble whirling within, making the kind of sound that irritates, yet captivates you. I braced myself for this feeling eight months ago but I never knew that I would need a heavy-plated armour to take all the blows, and still have something to fill the shell of the armour with. An armour without a man inside is a forgotten relic, an unknown soldier and a dignity without a person.

I wonder if someday as an old man I'll find these texts from an archive and think to myself, Oh, what a foolish young man I was back then, worrying about the way of the world without a worry in the world. Why is that always the worries of the youth are considered as just 'part of youth'? Does becoming older grant you the power to judge who has the right to worry? Is there so much wisdom in being old that you can consider yourself an authority in everything emotional?

I've been told that due to emotional immaturity and the lack of a phenomenon called the experience of life, young people can't advise their elders, can't write books to be taken seriously, can't give perspective on issues. I firmly believe against.

From what I've perceived, it's mostly old people who are the empty shells of their former selves. They are the ones who look back on their mistakes and gaze at the past with sorrowful eyes. Is that wisdom - to know what you did wrong in the past, to realize where you made the mistakes? Is it not wisdom to be able to foresee the mistakes you might make and avoid them?