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Ladies, it’s time to let go of your porn inhibitions

Published in the University of New Mexico’s student newspaper, the Daily Lobo, on April 14, 2010.

Sex doesn’t have to take one form or be done one way, and neither should porn. But it seems that a lot of porn is produced and made a specific way and there isn’t much variation. You’ve got your stars, who are cast for specific traits, and you’ve got your plot (or lack thereof), and you have the specific intended desires of the viewer, such as lesbian porn or anal porn. But most mainstream porn producers are leaving out a key demographic: women.

Not to say there is no porn for women, or that the porn that does exist is anti-woman. It’s more that a lot of women feel intimidated, shocked, embarrassed or maybe disgusted when they watch porn.

Ladies, let me assure you: There is good porn out there that women can watch and get hot over. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be something you watch. Romance novels are God’s gift of porn to women. And, yes, while romance novels can get a little cheesy, they can give you the same benefits that men might get from mainstream porn.

Why do people watch porn? I’m sure there are lots of different reasons, and I’m guessing those reasons vary between genders. Lots of men have been raised on the idea that porn is OK and makes masturbating more fun. And I, a woman, happen to agree with that idea. Masturbating is fun. Masturbating while watching naked people have sex? Double fun.

Many women might have been raised on the idea that watching porn is bad, gross and socially unacceptable. And that’s where I think we went wrong. But I also understand why some women don’t like porn. Porn stars aren’t a good representation of the general female population. Most of us don’t wax our ass holes and get fake nails once a week, bleach our hair every month, get breast-enhancement surgery or spend our days in tanning booths. But porn stars can, and, what’s more, many productions companies require female stars to do all those things.

So how are us natural beauties supposed to keep up? We’re not! And that’s the beauty of it. If your sexual partner wants you to look like that, they can try dating a porn star. Or if that’s your cup of tea, you can start your waxing regimen tomorrow. So don’t compare yourself to a porn star. Instead, focus on the individual differences that make us attractive. If we all looked like Jenna Jameson, sex would be boring.

Porn has benefits. It’s a great way to get ideas if you want to do something new with your partner or yourself. If you don’t know what squirting is, a porno can tell you, although there are more accurate sources if you want educational info.

Women are getting on the porn bandwagon, and now we have the evidence to prove it. According to a 2007 survey by Nielsen NetRatings, 13 million women admitted to watching online porn at least once a month. Also, an excerpt from Violet Blue’s article on Oprah Winfrey’s Web site said, “In a 2006 study at McGill University, researchers monitored genital temperature changes to measure sexual arousal and found that, when shown porn clips, men and women alike began displaying arousal within 30 seconds. Men reached maximum arousal in about 11 minutes, women in about 12 (a statistically negligible difference, according to the study).”

So if you feel uncomfortable watching porn, there are a few things you can try in order to feel more comfortable. The first thing is to think about what you do and don’t want to see in a porn. Second, do some research about directors and stars that have a reputation of being women-friendly. There are plenty. Also, don’t confine yourself just to movies or clips. Some people just like looking at sexy pictures or anime. Don’t limit yourself to full-length movies — maybe free online video clips are easier to digest. For your first time, try watching porn by yourself before watching it with a partner. If you are really uncomfortable with the idea of watching people have sex, try something like NudeMaleDancers.tv, which is a site that streams footage from a male strip club in Canada.

There are Web sites that offer reviews of other porn sites, such as RabbitReviews.com. I like this site, because they give you lots of options for erotic viewing. One of my personal favorite sites is called Darling Erotica. Most of the pictures on this site are of women who look real with curvy, beautiful hips and even a wrinkle or two.

Whether you’re finding free porn online or going to a sex shop to rent, good porn is out there. You just have to dig a little deeper to find it.