Spam established relationship. Spencer comes home to Sam on his couch, and he is very, very excited to show her a new book he bought. Naughtiness ensues. Written for a challenge, rewarded with "Dirtiest" superlative.

A/N: Now normally, I blame my fics on something. But this one? I actually have to take the responsibility for. BUT - I only wrote it for the LJ community the groovysmoothie and it's first fic challenge entitled: Wacky Fun Stuff. And no matter how I much I love lj - it wouldn't be right to just let all my fics go up over there.

Warning: This is a really, really dirty fic. But nothing is explicit, so I believe it does not warrant a "Mature" rating. So either grow up, stop reading fics of this level, or don't read this story.

Disclaimer: I'm laughing. No, I don't own iCarly. No way. I'm not that awesome.

This is also a good spot to mention - once again - that I am NOT writing these characters in the "now" for ANY of my Spencer/Sam stories. For all but one it is pefectly logical for Sam to be eighteen or nineteen - even twenty! This story is no exception.

Please enjoy!

Spencer came home one day to find Sam sitting, watching television, on his couch. Pleasantly surprised, he greeted her, "Hey Sam."

"Hey Spence."

He carried a few grocery bags into the kitchen, and shouted back to her, "What're you doing here?"

She stayed where she was as he put various things away, "I was bored."

He smiled to himself, putting the now empty bags away, "So you came here." Picking up the only full bag left, he walked back into the living room. "Is Carly here?"

"No."

"Cool!" He sat down next to her enthusiastically. "I want you to look at his," and he handed her the bag.

She tried to hide the smile on her face as she set down the remote and dug eagerly through the bag, but her face fell as she pulled one item after the other out of it. "Spencer! These are all books about art. And building stuff." She let out an exasperated sigh, "Spencer!"

He rolls his eyes, and pulls another book out of the bag, "I meant this one."

She flipped through a couple of pages for a second before turning to Spencer and smacking him on the arm. "You got a book full of porn?"

"No! It's kama sutra."

"Kama sutra."

"Yeah. You know... different... positions. For sex. It's supposed to be more erotic or increase pleasure or something."

Sam looked steadily at him for a minute, and then said, "Are you trying to tell me we have crappy sex?"

"What? No." He took another, 'You're completely insane' look from her and pleaded, "Oh come on. Just look at it, tell me what you think."

She sighs, flipping through several pages, stopping at the pictures. She pauses, and to the first one she says, bored, "Not interesting," Spencer has to nod in agreement. "Uncomfortable," they both make a face. She tilts her head to one side, considering, "Com – pli – cated." Next to her, Spencer appears similarly confused. "Ew. Too cutesy." A nod. "Fuuun. I – think," a smirk. "Oh my GOD!!" Spencer helps her turn the page then. "Uncomfortable."

He chuckles a little bit here, "For you – not for me." She glares at him, and he goes quiet again.

"Completely wack. God – impossible to do if you don't do yoga. Also uncomfortable. Interesting…" her finger marks the page, and the other dog-ears it as she continues to flip through. "I don't bend that way." Spencer's soley watching her expression now, waiting for her to see the one he wants her to see. "Ew." She flips a few more pages, and she picks the book up, and tilts it opposite of the direction she's tilting her head, "Huh," straightening, she elaborates, "wacky." Sam rights the book too, as

Spencer bites his lip anxiously. "Fun, too." She turns to Spencer to make a sarcastic comment, but she sees his face, "What?"

"Nothing! I just – wanted to see what you thought."

She appears moderately taken aback, but replies without a hitch, "So you like this one?"

Spencer's grin widens wickedly, "Well, it's one of the better ones, I think."

"Did you want to …" she pauses seductively, "try it?"

He doesn't answer, and simply waggles his eyebrows at her.

A grin lights up Sam's face, and she looks back down at the book open before her for a couple of seconds more. "Spencer," she tries to reprimand, "you dirty little bastard."

He laughs a little at her, "Oh, c'mon – you can't tell me you don't like it." He stands up and dances backwards away from her, "I'm irresistible!"

She laughs out loud then, following him, "Oh yeah – " she mocks him in a high breathy voice, "how can I tear myself away?!"

Laughing, the pair manage to make it into each other's arms, and into Spencer's bedroom; the Kama Sutra book now hidden safely away. They smile as they kiss, continuing to laugh, giggle, or chuckle every few kisses, until the laughter progresses to moaning, and soft whisperings of the other's name.

When Carly walks into her apartment, she's surprised to see Sam's purse lying next to the couch, but no Sam raiding the fridge or hijacking the television. She is also confused by the sculpting, art, and painting books strewn across and around the couch and coffee table, but no anal Spencer putting them in their proper place. A few minutes later she sees Spencer walking out of his bedroom, and a split second later Sam follows him.

"Hey! What were you guys doing in there?"

Somehow, Carly misses the intense fear that crosses both of their faces at first, but she does hear Sam say, "Stuff."

"Yeah – stuff."

"Stuff."

"Wacky fun stuff!" Spencer says a bit too brightly for Sam, who elbows him in the side.

Carly simply shakes her head and smiles at them, "Okay. Well I hope you were having fun," she misses the grin creeping onto both of their faces at that, she's already thinking about something else. "Spencer – what's going on here with the books?"

At this, Sam manages to not laugh too loudly, walking to the kitchen, and Spencer manages to answer his sister with a respectable, straight face.

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