BOSTON, Mass. (CAP) - Researchers at the University of Massachusetts in Boston have released the findings of this year's study on human attitude management. The results show both bitching and moaning up a considerable amount over last year's survey, while moaning with associated pissing is down slightly.

"People just have more to complain about these days," said lead researcher Dr. Rex Lucent. "And with the advent of internet-based technologies, they also have more means by which to do that complaining.

"We've really entered a new age of bitching and moaning," Lucent added.

The six-month study involved interviews with and observation of 756 people and focused on six high-profile methods of complaining: grumbling, whining, bitching, pissing, moaning and groaning. Social psychologists said the results continue to follow yearly predictable trends.

"Back in the '70s, we whined about things. And then in the '80s, we got kinda bitchy," said psychologist Dr. Lars Nelson. "But by the time Clinton took office, we began complaining so much we had to combine methods. Since then it's been a constant battle to see what goes best with moaning."

The study also broke down some of the top areas of complaining, the list of which was topped for the tenth straight year by the weather. "It doesn't matter what time of year it is or where in the country you're located, all people do is complain about the weather," said Lucent.
Other high-volume topics included spam email, traffic, reality TV, and "people who just don't get it." And while one subject has been noticeably absent from the list for a few years, another is taking its place.

"Back when President Bush was in office, he was consistently number one," said Lucent. "In fact, we had to more or less retire him to our little honorary hall of fame because he was so far off the top of the charts that it skewed the rest of the results.

"But now President Obama is rapidly climbing toward the top," Lucent added. "For his sake, it's good to see him doing well in some sort of poll, even if it's about how bad people think he's doing."

According to the study, so-called online "social networks" have taken over as the number one vehicle for complaining. Instant messaging in the corporate setting remains a close second, while texting enters the list for the first time at number three. The telephone, once a staple of the complainer, fell to a distant eighth.

The study will be published in the next issue of the journal American Behavioral Scientist.

SATIRE

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The man credited with inventing the "Safety Is My Goal" and "How Is My Driving?" bumper stickers that spoke for a generation of livery drivers succumbed to injuries sustained after being rear-ended by a box truck «» The newly revamped tourist attraction will feature a gift shop, a food court, and a stack of three-ring binders with pictures of fish that visitors can thumb through «» Federal government's plan to release thousands of non-violent prisoners contingent upon them to "remember what Uncle Barry did for you" and make sure they vote Democrat in the next election «» New education reform bill replaces D's and F's with frownie-face stickers to soften the blow and help kids "feel successful even in their failures" «» Congressional oversight committee says it has "new information" and is reopening Iran-Contra investigation, will have Oliver North testify as soon as Hillary Clinton is done «» Judge Judy to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Supreme Court as part of effort to bring more wit and sarcasm to proceedings and appeal to 18-49 demographic «» President Obama invites kindergarten student to White House whose finger and thumb were mistaken for a gun at recess, but Secret Service has him wear a mitten on the hand "just in case" «» Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis now refuses to offer marriage licenses to straight couples, saying after three divorces she just doesn't believe in marriage at all anymore «» State Department investigation finds Hillary Clinton did email secret family recipes from her server, but either withheld or encrypted key ingredients «» Experts say the best way to combat this is to make Aunt Midge sleep on the pullout sofa which will wreak havoc on her sciatica and eventually force her to seek a better night's sleep at a local hotel «» Experts say terrorists have been hording coupons for Bell's stuffing for months, forcing many Americans to either pay full price or go with bland, dry generic boxed stuffing «» The limited-time only beverage is available in Rancid or Sludge flavors mixed with one or two scoops of yesterday's coffee grounds and is served in a black cup only to those who verbally denounce all organized religions when ordering «» Inspired by their Missouri brethren, Wolverine players refuse to take the field and will "focus solely on their studies" until the University retains more attractive cheerleaders «» The ACLU is fighting the company's decision to pull the popular t-shirts from store shelves, saying it will unfairly force society's outcasts back to shopping at K-Mart for their apparel needs «» Critics say while the shake is indeed delicious, it's too soon after the Russian airline disaster to try to capitalize on it and note the company should "give it another month or so" «» Instead, half a dozen moderators will take the stage and fire barbs at each of the candidates and then see who can provide the most sarcastic response in their absence «» Both Hewlett-Packard companies announce they're each splitting into five new companies to create a voicemail tree so complex that none of them will actually need any customer service reps to answer phones «» Jasmine V confirms she was knocked up by alien abductors, plans to keep the baby to help fight stereotypes of young Latina women who are pregnant with extraterrestrial offspring «» The Conservative Liberals In Transition Outreach Intervention Society announces its support of Hillary Clinton; CLITOrIS members say she brings "the right amount of vagina" to the table «» New Halloween app Treatr allows kids to tap pictures of neighborhood houses to trick or treat, saves "all that time walking" and increases candy acquisition rates by 72% «»