How NOT to come across as Passive-Aggressive when being Assertive:

A) Allow yourself to feel your anger – It is not a bad emotion.

B) Make clear, assertive requests: -Passive Aggressive example: “After you go to the gym or whatever it is you do all day, whilst I’m at work, would you mind picking up the dry cleaning for me? that is if you are not too busy.” – Sarcasm

How does that statement make you feel?

Possible response: “Can’t you take a joke!!”

Assertive way to make the same request: “Will you please pick up my dry cleaning for me on your way home tonight?”

C) Validate the other person’s feelings – Understand other peoples feelings and where they are coming from, however, it doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. E.g. “I know you are not happy having to miss the game/soaps, but us having this talk is very important to me and I really appreciate you doing it”

D) Be a good listener – “Good posture, eye contact, minimum interruptions or opinions, and paraphrasing” will make the other person feel heard and respected. – Turn off the phone & put it in your pocket

E) Be Collaborative – “Working together to find a common solution that suits all” – What will work for everyone

Most cases addicts will be both perpetrators and victims of both aggressive and passive-aggressive behavior.

Waiting for the other person to change from being an aggressor is pointless as they will continue to behave in the same way if not challenged. – Appropriately

By becoming assertive without being aggressive will challenge their behavior in a non-threatening way. –evoke change.

To Sum Up

Most importantly it will improve your own self-esteem.

To sum up, assertiveness increases self-worth and self-esteem, which improves the individuals day to day recovery which enhances the quality of life, thus empowering the person to be more assertive. So which one do I identify with Aggressive, Passive or Assertive?

It is a “Life Skill” that can be learned, so long as you believe and accept you deserve it, you can do it.

Do not ever let another person’s behavior & opinion dictate yours. You have your own brain and can think your own thoughts & make your own decisions.

My next article is on Belief, stay tuned.

The articles in “Recovery from Addiction” Series, are the opinion of the author and if you would like to contribute to it, please leave a comment in the comment box below. If you want to subscribe, for free, to any further blogs of mine please leave your email in the box below.

Recovery is about growth and everyone does grow at a different pace.

CTA

My advice to anyone in early recovery is to wait at least 2 years before making any major life-changing decisions that might have emotional ramifications. An example: get a mortgage, get married, change career, emigrate.

In light of this everyone has dreams and we all do want to better our lives in one way or another, so it is important in early recovery to start to put those dreams into reality by creating achievable goals which can be reached in time.

I found in my early recovery, although I had dreams, I wasn’t aware of creating goals and my life unfolded by default.

It turned out well for me but had I had clear goals, I do feel that it would have been even better.

I do try to learn from my mistakes, and that is why they are little miracles in themselves that happen for a reason. I am a growth-seeking being I will continue to seek change in myself.

What motivates me is the Pain – Pleasure, which moves me away from my pain points (a lack of finances, time & peace of mind) to my pleasure points (freedom of finances, time & peace of mind).

The way I have found to achieve this freedom and to move away from the “Groundhog Day” of life is through online marketing.

I have taken this step into the abyss, I’m not tech savvy at all, and with the support of Six Figure Mentors (SFM), I am working my way through it.

The internet is here to stay and is the future for all of us, so don’t get left behind because it is gaining momentum.