The Milwaukee Brewers continue to outclass the rest of the National League Central — particularly that sullen goop currently residing in last place — but they're not resting on their laurels and ignoring their diehards. The Brewers truly care about their fans' well-being and longterm health, and to show it, today at Miller Park they're offering free rectal exams.

From 7:00 am to 3:00 pm at Miller Park, the free, private, confidential screenings will take place in a mobile clinic vehicle near the TGI Friday's restaurant in the northeast corner of the ball park. No appointment is necessary. All participants who complete the screening will receive a voucher good for two tickets to a future Milwaukee Brewers home game.

So wait ... a rectal exam AND we get two free tickets? Win-win! When's the next flight to Milwaukee?