"It takes a certain kind of personal-injury lawyer to look at the facts of this glittering night and wrest from them a plausible plaintiff and defendant, unless it were possible for Travis Hughes to be sued by his own anus."

Not a bad opening paragraph. Really. But it's no better than second place.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"

...he would shove a bottle rocket up his ass and blast it into the sweet night air. And perhaps it was an excellent idea. What was not an excellent idea, however, was to misjudge the relative tightness of a 20-year-old sphincter and the propulsive reliability of a 20-cent bottle rocket. What followed ignition was not the bright report of a successful blastoff, but the muffled thud of fire in the hole.

I will say, I'd have judged the tightness of a 20-year-old anus to be sufficient too. Especially if it was in near proximity to an imminent explosion. To say nothing of a rectum being shallow enough.

cirby:Not a bad opening paragraph. Really. But it's no better than second place.

We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?"

This is about 1/1000th as sad as the dickhead who was playing fetch with his dog with a lit cherry bomb and when it went off in the dog's mouth it injured it so badly it had to be euthanized. What kind of dumbass forgets there's an explosion at the end of every bottle rocket?

Mentat:I liked the details into how the national organizations protect the houses from liability by hanging the individual members out to dry.

That part was interesting. I am amazed that they can get insurance in the first place, but I guess banding together against the naive idiot frat boys allows them to limit their payout costs.

Moral of the story, if you are dumb enough to do some of the stuff that would get you in trouble with the law/policies, plead the 'Fif and lawyer up. Don't compound the stupidity by trusting a shady national organization or your institution. Those people are not on your side!

DiggidyDan:Mentat: I liked the details into how the national organizations protect the houses from liability by hanging the individual members out to dry.

That part was interesting. I am amazed that they can get insurance in the first place, but I guess banding together against the naive idiot frat boys allows them to limit their payout costs.

Moral of the story, if you are dumb enough to do some of the stuff that would get you in trouble with the law/policies, plead the 'Fif and lawyer up. Don't compound the stupidity by trusting a shady national organization or your institution. Those people are not on your side!

They couldn't, which is why they set up their own organizations and insured themselves. Then they hang the members out to dry by diverting the litigation to the member and their parents.

semiotix:...he would shove a bottle rocket up his ass and blast it into the sweet night air. And perhaps it was an excellent idea. What was not an excellent idea, however, was to misjudge the relative tightness of a 20-year-old sphincter and the propulsive reliability of a 20-cent bottle rocket. What followed ignition was not the bright report of a successful blastoff, but the muffled thud of fire in the hole.

I will say, I'd have judged the tightness of a 20-year-old anus to be sufficient too. Especially if it was in near proximity to an imminent explosion. To say nothing of a rectum being shallow enough.