Thursday, April 18, 2013

Ever so lacking, yet still trudging onward. This Great Lent has challenged all I know up to this point. Words come from my lips that I ought to heed and still I tarry. We have been weathered in all ways we have struggled up to now, though the mercy is swift.

Nothing quite compares to Great Lent in the Orthodox faith. It is as though my life goes before my eyes yearly. I see how it could be, how it is, and how it might have been. Every twist and turn I am reminded of how my choices effect those around me, my struggle to keep on track with what I ought to be doing, and the byways I take in between. It appears my running theme in life is gratefulness, struggle with loved ones having illness, and becoming the fulness of myself in this entanglement that is life. Oh, that I could be all that I should, but my pitfalls regularly captivate my focus and so little time is truly devoted where it should.

I need to remember what a priest once told me, that I need to remember that caring for my husband and daughter is the work of God, in caring for the sick and being a good mom. I often find that I seek to help others and go outside of myself to fix and work with that which I need to conform in myself, but find that all I need is right here at home, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. My work may not always appear the way I want it to, but my lessons will come the way I will best understand them, no matter how I approach them.

Each year, just before the coming of the Resurrection, I am borne into the faith on forgiveness sunday, as though the preparatory weeks have been my gestation, and I grow bit by bit through this fleshy life, replete with ebbs and flows, trials and triumphs, crests and falls. What a blessing to live ones entire existence in a number of weeks, but also it is like a life crash course.

Life is about our love for one another, our ability to reach out, and the way we are able to realize that each of us is in need of great compassion and understanding. I am still learning, but I truly hope to bring much of this to fruition before God calls me from this life and into Eternity. Please, if I have ever treated anyone with less than Godly love and compassion, forgive me, my humanity is broken and bound to my Pride and numerous shortcomings.