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A warped perspective on dealing with throat cancer treatment…….or…….Why am I the only one laughing?

Frustration

Aloha!

I hope everyone is well. Just a quick recap of the latest Dr visit, Dentist visit and upcoming big test.

Went for a bi-monthly check up with my chemo Dr last week. I’m not sure why I go because the same thing occurs every time. He asks me how I am doing, I tell him I’m doing ok but that I’m still having issues. He tells me that is normal. I tell him I am tired of having issues and am ready for a big show of progress. He tells me that I have to be patient. I tell him that being patient is not something I do very well. He tells me that I better get used to it, because this is the “new me”. I tell him I don’t like the “new me”. He tells me, “tough”, that I really don’t have a choice and so on and so on.

So my standard issues are: sore throat, still dealing with mucous, still 30 lbs underweight, diet/appetite still screwed up, still fatigued. I guess if I was forced, I would admit that there have been slight positive changes (?) My throat is not as sore as it was 3-4 weeks ago. I’m not hacking up mucous as much as I was. My diet is expanding slightly and I’m able to eat some things that I couldn’t eat 3-4 weeks ago. (Had pizza Sat night).

Where the frustration lies is, the changes are moving very slooowwwwlllllyyy and I’m ready for them to be done right now. However, there is not a lot I can do about that but grin and bear it. The missus and I had a long talk last night and she is concerned that my frustration will turn negative. That is a possibility but I don’t think that will happen. My internal motor or personal drive, if you will, has supplied me with the positive outlook I have had so far. It has been the driving force to keep me from feeling sorry for myself and for pushing myself to shake off any negative feelings that have cropped up in the past. That same motor, or internal drive, since it is pushing me, is also responsible for my lack of patience. I don’t necessarily see that as a bad thing, I just have to make sure it doesn’t chip away internally and cause negative feelings.

Whew! Too deep! Enough of that!

I had a dental appointment yesterday. I have acquired a new infection! THRUSH! For those that are unfamiliar, Thrush is an infection in the mouth caused by yeast. It is most common in infants and in cancer patients. For cancer patients, it is caused by taking antibiotics. The antibiotics kill the bad stuff but they also kill the good stuff. Thrush forms and causes lesions to form on your tongue, roof of your mouth, inside your cheeks. These lesions are painful and can cause difficulty swallowing and dry mouth.

So your mouth is very dry so you have to drink water but it hurts to swallow. Fun.

So I’m on a new prescription for that.

STRANGE SIDE EFFECTS – I’ve briefly mentioned some strange side effects but a buddy of mine wanted to know what they were so I will share them with you… (well, maybe not all of them…)

Facial Hair – I’m sure this is due to all the radiation that I received but I can shave, say on Monday, and by Thursday, the skin above my lip and on my chin is as smooth as it was on Monday. The only place on my face that grows hair is my sideburns. The good thing is it has stopped the hair from growing in my ears. (Thank goodness).

Hair on my head – growing verrrrrrryyy slowly. If at all. What is growing is coming in curly. (great). The back of my head, where it looked like Johnny Knoxville and the gang from Jackass! took a razor to me, is till bare. My hairdresser has done what she can to cut the hair around it to make it look as natural as she can (Thanks Deanna!) but still pretty bare.

Eyebrows – I have a Brezhnev thing going now. Eyebrows are growing fast and they are coming in hard and wiry and all over the place.

Zombie Breathing – I’m not sure what this is but the Missus tells me that sometimes at night, I sound like a zombie. She said it is not a snore and not a throat gurgle, but a very strange sound that emanates from my mouth/throat/chest. She has tried to record it but I guess I stop before she is able to get it.

Fingernails – This one I can’t figure out. I’ve never polled guys but I’m sure they are like me and have to cut their fingernails about every 3-4 weeks? I’m not sure why but I now have to cut my fingernails every week. I’m not talking about being anal about fingernail length and it has to stay a certain length. I’m talking about if I don’t cut them every week, they get long…. very long. (In case you were wondering, toenails are the same as they’ve always been.)

Dizziness – Again, not sure why but if I’m sitting and stand up to say … go into the kitchen… I get about 3-4 steps and have to stop because a wave of dizziness comes. I’ve had it happen before but now it’s just about every time. Again, have no idea why.

I’ll leave out some of the other side effects, especially those dealing with internal organs. You’ll thank me. :-)

As I’ve reported before, the next big test is this Thursday, 5/2. I have a CT scan scheduled for 8am with a follow up appointment at 9:30am. I’m guessing/hoping that the follow up appointment is scheduled so they can tell me the results of the CT scan to see if we were successful in getting rid of this cancer. Wish me luck.

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4 thoughts on “Frustration”

Headed to the Jimmy Buffett concert this Saturday evening here in Frisco, TX. Last time I went to a Buffett concert was with you, Lessard and the Dalls crew. You were still serving and protecting the metroplex. And of course Zahorik was trying to get you to let him hold your hand gun…. We’ll lift a cold one to your recovery!

Hang in there, my baby boy —your positive attitude has guided all of us through this, you can’t stop now! Patience has always been an issue with you – as in “Lord, give me patience and I want it right now”. So many prayers are going up daily for you – things will get better, soon, I hope and pray.