Features » November 6, 2003

Knowing What’s Nice

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Author’s note: I’m working on a novel, If God Were Alive Today, about a fictitious man, Gil Berman, 36 years my junior, who cracks jokes or whatever in front of college audiences from time to time, something I myself have done. Here are excerpts from some of what I myself said onstage at the University of Wisconsin in Madison on the evening of September 22, 2003, as we touch off the last chunks and drops and whiffs of fossil fuels.

—K.V.
September 24, 2003
Sagaponack, New York

It must be kind of spooky to be a student or teacher in a university as great as this one, with its libraries and laboratories and lecture halls, while knowing it is within the borders of a nation where wisdom, reason, knowledge and truth no longer apply.

I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, “If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”

But actually, to practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it. Dance on your way out of here. Sing on your way out of here. Write a love poem when you get home. Draw a picture of your bed or roommate.

And hey, listen: A sappy woman sent me a letter a few years back. She knew I was sappy, too, which is to say a lifelong northern Democrat in the Franklin Delano Roosevelt mode, a friend of the working stiffs. She was about to have a baby, not mine, and wished to know if it was a bad thing to bring such a sweet and innocent creature into a world as bad as this one is. I replied that what made being alive almost worthwhile for me, besides music, was all the saints I met, who could be anywhere. By saints I meant people who behaved decently in a strikingly indecent society. Perhaps some of you are or will become saints for her child to meet.

————–

And now I want to tell you about my late Uncle Alex. He was my father’s kid brother, a childless graduate of Harvard who was an honest life insurance salesman in Indianapolis. He was well-read and wise. And his principal complaint about other human beings was that they so seldom noticed it when they were happy. So when we were drinking lemonade under an apple tree in the summer, say, and talking lazily about this and that, almost buzzing like honeybees, Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

So I do the same now, and so do my kids and grandkids. And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

That’s one favor I’ve asked of you.

Now I’ve got another one, a show of hands. How many of you have had a teacher at any point in your entire education who made you happier to be alive, prouder to be alive than you had previously believed possible? Now please say the name of that teacher out loud to someone sitting or standing near you.

OK? All done? “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

————–

I’ll be 81 on November 11. What’s it like to be this old? I can’t parallel park worth a damn anymore. Please don’t watch when I try to do it. But no matter how bad things may get for me, the music will still be wonderful. My epitaph, should I ever need one, God forbid: “The only proof he ever needed of the existence of God was music.”

You and the police are entitled to know, since I am going to spend the night near you, that I am both a Humanist and a Luddite. I may hold a Black Mass in the parking garage of the Best Western Hotel, if I can find a neo-conservative baby to sacrifice.

Do you know what a Humanist is? I am honorary president of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov in that functionless capacity. We Humanists try to behave well without any expectation of rewards or punishments in an afterlife. We serve as best we can the only abstraction with which we have any real familiarity, which is our community.

We had a memorial services for Isaac a few years back, and at one point I said, “Isaac is up in Heaven now.” It was the funniest thing I could have said to a group of Humanists. I rolled them in the aisles. It was several minutes before order could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, “Kurt is up in Heaven now.” That’s my favorite joke.

Do you know what a Luddite is? That’s a person who doesn’t like newfangled contraptions. Contraptions like nuclear submarines armed with Poseidon missiles that have H-bombs in their warheads, and like computers that cheat you out of becoming. Bill Gates says, “Wait till you can see what your computer can become.” But it’s you who should be doing the becoming. What you can become is the miracle you were born to work—not the damn fool computer.

Now you know what a Humanist and a Luddite are. Do you know what a Twerp is? When I was in high school in Indianapolis 65 years ago, a Twerp was a guy who stuck a set of false teeth up his rear end and bit the buttons off the back seats of taxicabs. (And a Snarf was a guy who sniffed the seats of girls’ bicycles.)

And I consider anybody a Twerp who hasn’t read the greatest American short story, which is “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,” by Ambrose Bierce. It isn’t remotely political. It is a flawless example of American genius, like “Sophisticated Lady” by Duke Ellington or the Franklin stove. “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge,” by Ambrose Bierce.

I consider anybody a Twerp who hasn’t read Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville. There can never be a better book than that one on the strengths and vulnerabilities inherent in our form of government.

Want a taste of that great book? He says, and he said it 168 years ago, that in no country other than ours has love of money taken stronger hold on the affections of men. OK?

And many of you, if not most, have surely at least dipped into that great book. But I can hardly call you Twerps, or even Snarfs, if you have never even heard of the next book I want to celebrate. Practically nobody has, since it is basically a medical text: The Mask of Sanity, first published in 1941 and written by the late Dr. Hervey Cleckley, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the Medical College of Georgia.

Some people are born deaf, some are born blind or whatever, and this book is about congenitally defective human beings of a sort who are making this whole country and many other parts of the planet go completely haywire nowadays. These are people born without consciences. They know full well the pain their actions may cause others to feel but do not care. They cannot care. They came into this world with a screw loose, and now they’re taking charge of everything. They appear to be great leaders because they are so decisive. Do this! Do that! What makes them so decisive is that they do not care and cannot care what happens next.

————–

Now then, there’s a good news and there’s a bad news tonight. The bad news is that the Martians have landed in New York City, and are staying at the Waldorf. The good news is that they only eat homeless man, women and children of all colors, and they pee gasoline.

But seriously, if you read the supermarket tabloids you know that for the past 10 years a team of Martian anthropologists has been studying our country, the only country worth a damn on the whole planet—forget Brazil and Argentina. Well, they went back home last week because they knew how really awful global warming is about to be. Their space ship wasn’t a flying saucer. It was more of a flying soup tureen. And they’re little, only six inches high, but they aren’t green. They’re mauve.

By way of farewell, their little mauve leader said there were two things about American culture no Martian could ever understand. “What is it,” she said in that teeny-weeny, tanny-wanny, toney-woney little voice of hers, “what can it possibly be about blow jobs and golf?”

That is stuff from a novel I’ve been working on for the past five years, about a standup comedian at the end of the world. It is about making jokes while we are killing all the fish in the ocean, and touching off the last chunks or drops or whiffs of fossil fuel. But it will not let itself be finished.

Its working title—or actually non-working title—is If God Were Alive Today. And hey, listen: It is time we thanked God that we are in a country where even the poor people are overweight. But the Bush diet could change that.

And about the novel I can never finish, If God Were Alive Today: The hero, the standup comedian on Doomsday, not only denounces our addiction to fossil fuels, with the pushers in the White House. Because of overpopulation, he is also against sexual intercourse. His name is Gil Berman, and he says to audiences like this one, “I am a flaming neuter. I am as celibate as at least 50 percent of the heterosexual Roman Catholic clergy. Celibacy is not a root canal, and it is so cheap and convenient. Talk about safe sex! You don’t have to do or say anything afterwards, because there is no afterwards.”

Gil Berman goes on: “When my tantrum, which is what I call my TV set, waves boobs in my face, and tells me that everybody but me is going to get laid tonight, and this is a national emergency, so I’ve got to rush out and buy pills or a car or a folding gymnasium I can hide under my bed, I laugh like a hyena. I know and you know there are millions upon millions of good Americans, present company not excepted, who aren’t going to get laid tonight.

“And we neuter vote! And I look forward to a day when the President of the United States, no less, who probably isn’t going to get laid that night either, decrees a National Neuter Pride Day. And out of our closets we’ll come. And we will go marching up main streets all over this great land of ours, shoulders squared, chins held high, and laughing like hyenas.”

What about God, if He were alive today? Gil Berman says, “God would have to be an Athiest, because the excrement has hit the air-conditioning big time, big time.”

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Kurt Vonnegut, the legendary author, WWII veteran, humanist, artist and smoker, was an In These Times senior editor until his death in April 2007. His classic works include Slaughterhouse-Five, Breakfast of Champions and Cat's Cradle, among many others. The last book by him published before his death, A Man Without a Country (2005), collects many of the articles he wrote for this magazine.

Since being introduced to Kurt's writings in high school (Harrison Bergeron sp?) i have been deeply influenced and touched. His writing is sincere, mocking, and maniacal. I strive to one day achieve these things in my writing as well. It is largely because of Kurt Vonnegut that i aspire to be an author, but credit must also go to my two great teacher, Dr. Mary Theresa Hall and Dr. Mark Delmaramo have instilled a love of literature, writing, and life in me that rivals that which Kurt himself has done. I thank him and look forward to his new book. Godspeed. Thanks for everything Kurt!!!Posted by Ben Roberts on 2004-02-08 20:56:31

I also luv knowing what is nice. How often I have asked my children to take a moment and reflect on the blessings we truly have, such as our legs that walk, our eyes that see, our hearts that can still luv. Well what you focus on grows, yes ? Unfortunately, we cannot ignore the shadows that remind us that night is cold, and our blankets may be thin. I luv Kurt Vonnegut - he is like a trusted friend that the universe gave us.Posted by Rebecca Hale on 2004-01-25 08:36:41

APPENDIX (cont.)
C. "For my part, I make no doubt that a track of some sort must have existed in very remote times, as Pundit asserts; for nothing can be clearer, to my mind, than that, at some period -- not less than seven centuries ago, certainly -- the Northern and Southern Kanadaw continents were united; the Kanawdians, then, would have been driven, by necessity, to a great railroad across the continent."
from "Mellonta Tauta" by E. A. Poe
D. "He paused; his bent form grew erect with conscious power; he spread out his hands over them in the attitude of imploring a blessing upon his children; but those were the same hands that had thrown poison into the stream of their lives. Giovanni trembled. Beatrice shuddered nervously, and pressed her hand upon her heart."
from "Rappaccini's Daughter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne
[I had always considered Poe's "Mellonta Tauta" to be one long joke poking fun at women, with the signature at the end as the punchline. I only just became aware that this story first appeared in "Lady's Book." I am now certain that I was correct.]
Posted by wolfrim on 2004-01-11 01:18:29

APPENDIX
A. "We have the Parenthesis disease in our literature, too; and one may see cases of it every day in our books and newspapers: but with us it is the mark and sign of an unpracticed writer or a cloudy intellect, whereas with the Germans it is doubtless the mark and sign of a practiced pen and of the presence of that sort of luminous intellectual fog which stands for clearness among these people. For surely it is not clearness -- it necessarily can't be clearness. Even a jury would have penetration enough to discover that. A writer's ideas must be a good deal confused, a good deal out of line and sequence, when he starts out to say that a man met a counselor's wife in the street, and then right in the midst of this so simple undertaking halts these approaching people and makes them stand still until he jots down an inventory of the woman's dress. That is manifestly absurd. It reminds a person of those dentists who secure your instant and breathless interest in a tooth by taking a grip on it with the forceps, and then stand there and drawl through a tedious anecdote before they give the dreaded jerk. Parentheses in literature and dentistry are in bad taste."
from "The Awful German Language" by Mark Twain
B. "They require that the author shall make the reader feel a deep interest in the personages of his tale and in their fate; and that he shall make the reader love the good people in the tale and hate the bad ones. But the reader of the "Deerslayer" tale dislikes the good people in it, is indifferent to the others, and wishes they would all get drowned together."
from "Fennimore Cooper's Literary Offences" by Mark Twain
Posted by wolfrim on 2004-01-11 01:17:50

I've never known a man to bitch about semicolons as much as Vonnegut. Come to think of it, I've never known a man to bitch about semicolons at all except Vonnegut. I, personally, have always enjoyed using semicolons (of course, I also suffer from what Mark Twain referred to as "the Parenthesis disease" [see quote, appended]). They serve a purpose besides showing that one went to college. They connect sentences, taking the place of conjunctions. I learned this long before college--in the first grade, as I recall.
I should like to point out that some of our greatest American authors used semicolons (see quotes, appended). I feel that I'm in good company.
I don't wish to seem disrespectful to Mr. Vonnegut. He's one my favorite authors. I actually think "Galapagos" is one of the most insightful things I've ever come across (frightening, I know). And when I wax evangelical about the population explosion (I despise evangelism and view it as a serious character flaw, but I'm afraid I tend to get carried away on this subject), I often bring up "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow." It just bugs me that he's so down on poor, defenseless semicolons. Oh, well.
Posted by wolfrim on 2004-01-11 01:16:58

1.)I LIKE MR.Vonnegut's Jokes.
2)Suicide is not painless.
3)I reccommend all go back & look at films:
A.)Soylent Green
B.)Logan's Run.
C.)Fahrenheit 451
D.)Wild In The Streets
E.)The Mad Bomber
F)THX 1138
G.)Silent Running
JUST for starters.
Sci-Fi is now over-taken by "reality".
It's history.
"Randi"
[Randi0088(at)CollegeClub.ComPosted by Randi0088 on 2003-11-25 20:40:37

I have loved KV for forty years and
known of his occasional depression.
He has reached a point that goes
beyond that state. Bitterness is
seldom tasty. And without the
sweetness of optomism; never.
Make a happy book Kurt. Or at
least try. It's easy to rely on
the tried and true ... write out of
your box. God bless you Mr.
Rosewater.
SteelPosted by Steel Turman on 2003-11-19 20:44:17

Happy birthday, Mr. Vonnegut, and thanks for the tears.
What's naughty, what's nice... it's your language of farting and tap dancing I understand best. Having been brained a time or two with a golf club, myself, I can relate.
Love may fail but courtesy shall prevail... I submit for your approval (I think Rod Sterling used this line in introducing Twilight Zone stories) school teacher, Miss Belle McKenzie,
who in nineteen hundred and thirty one was supportive of her student, Francis Farmer, who won a national prize for her controversial essay: "God Dies"
[url=http://www.geocities.com/~themistyone/multimedia3.htm]http://www.geocities.com/~themistyone/multimedia3.htm[/url]
The rest, as they say, is history.
PS: Chinese fortune cookies -- in bed.Posted by T Christopher on 2003-11-17 13:26:52

Do you think retirement homes will be playing REM, The Pixies, Ramones and such in the future?
Without a doubt!!! ;o)
Glad you survived the celebration! Sorry you had to put up w/that smoke, Neil...at least it was just for a while. (the bar owners are crying in their beer, but we are quickly becoming "no smoking indoors" state!)
But that's another topic all together. [Just wanted to say hi, and didn't have your e-mail.]Posted by amolibri on 2003-11-15 15:14:33

I was about half way thoough this article before I had the feeling that I was in touch with someone I knew and liked. It is an all too rare jem to find a person that will do the "right" thing for the right reason - or no reason other than it is the "right" thing to do. I've read some of Mr. Vonnegurt's works and found them memorable and thought provoking. I'm happy that he still has that same effect on me. It is good to have that capacity and someone who can remind me of it.
--Eamonn KeanePosted by Eamonn Keane on 2003-11-15 04:29:57

Thank you, amolibri, that was nice.
New Yorkers--love em. Pennsylvannia and Jersey on the other hand.....
40 was spent inhaling a year's worth of 2nd hand smoke. You had
to slice a doorway through the film and peel it back to enter. Ha. Now I sound old.
Do you think retirement homes will be playing REM, The Pixies, Ramones and such in the future?
Posted by neil on 2003-11-14 00:46:33

Neil, belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you.Welcome to the "life begins..." club!!! ---and of course to Mr. Vonnegut...many more!
Your last post (to Sam) was awesome.
(talk about pretentiousness!!!)Posted by amolibri on 2003-11-13 23:14:23

The voice of God is heard through so many people these days. Kurt does an excellent job of paraphrazing for him (or her or it)Posted by George St.Amour on 2003-11-13 11:17:26

No.Posted by neil on 2003-11-13 03:26:47

Doesn't anyone else think he's a jackass? Funny at times, yes; but a pretentious jackass through and through.Posted by Sam Kean on 2003-11-13 00:27:34

Nothing will ever change until every human being on this planet has had enough and is no longer willing to stand down and allow every thing we are all grumbling about to continue. the sad truth is there will never be any changes that really matter. Best to have a sense of humor, live the best you can, laugh a lot and remember, here come the next bunch of imbeciles.Posted by Jaci on 2003-11-12 21:50:34

Nothing will ever change until every human being on this planet has had enough and is no longer willing to stand down and allow every thing we are all grumbling about to continue. the sad truth is there will never be any changes that really matter. Best to have a sense of humor, live the best you can, laugh a lot and remember, here come the next bunch of imbeciles.

Posted by Jaci on 2003-11-12 21:50:34

"Uncle Alex would suddenly interrupt the agreeable blather to exclaim, 'If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.' So I do the same now, and so do my kids and grandkids."
In my family we say, "I wonder what the poor people are doing?"
(And none of us are financially well-off.) It's been said for generations on days just like you are describing, except we are on a riverbank, so it is more commonly said there. We are well aware of what the good things are in life and what makes our lives "rich."
You have an interesting site with an interesting viewpoint. We will spend some more time looking back through more of your writing.
We are trying to spread the word about the evils of factory farming. If you are interested in what made a chicken slaughterhouse worker turn activist come to our site at [url=http://cyberactivist.blogspot.com]http://cyberactivist.blogspot.com[/url]Posted by Cyberactivist on 2003-11-12 20:10:16

always uplifting.... Kurt vonnegut is one of the very last of those worth reading. i am somewhat of a humanist, but also a liberal christian, though many people on both sides would call that impossible--yet here i am, existing like all you normal people.... he's right oyu know.... about pretty much everything....cant wait for that book....Posted by Jon Bartholomew on 2003-11-12 15:57:53

VONNEGUT FOR PRESIDENT!!
(don't hate me for that Kurt)Posted by JBROOKS on 2003-11-12 14:54:18

Mr KV...you've always made me smile and think about what I was smiling about which at times made me wonder if I should be smiling...none the less smile I do and in the end there is hope. Saints preserve us...Happy B'day and stick around awhilePosted by Gary Roberts on 2003-11-11 23:13:07

Life would not be worth living if no one smiled honest smiles. Thanks Kurt for helping people smile & HAPPY B-DAYPosted by William Crump on 2003-11-11 19:15:05

This is a good-bye to No One from No Where. I hope you can find a nice feeling to settle into as you decide to die today. There are probably countless good things that you've started which will continue and for which you will never receive credit. These things will make people smile, even so. Thanks, and good bye. Enjoy heaven.Posted by Sophie on 2003-11-10 14:37:34

Kurt; I Love you! Please put me on your mailing list for a copy of your new book. Where can I sign up for membership in "Neuters of America", or whatever it is to be called? Thanks - Jack Posted by Jack Finn on 2003-11-10 14:15:33

God Bless Kkurt Vonnegut. He made my youth bearable and has given me a priceless giift for my old age. If I maanage to ssurvive living in New York with the Bushies out to blow us uup.Posted by Linda Hartinian on 2003-11-10 10:16:58

Great stuff as usual Kurt.
Pace Thom...US socialism is (increasingly) as Gore Vidal commented "socialism for the rich & capitalism for the poor"Posted by Glenn on 2003-11-09 16:32:55

Watch out, Northerns!!
Like ours, your country is becoming an idea of a good country saved for the future.
Become great now!!! Get out of the freezer, Humanists!!!!! Posted by Rodrigo on 2003-11-09 08:17:42

Kurt,
lately I have spent quite a bit of time thinking. I
know it is dangerous, schools, public officials, even
priests recommend against it. Ignoring all of that and
realizing I live in a decaying socialist country that
still allows squatting (so far). I moved or rather ran
from the US a week before the September eleventh plane
accident. I think perhaps or more to the point hope
that in your eighty years of life you have seen more
horrors than I hope to endure. born 1972
I have read, to the best of my knowlegde all of your
works. Written you perhaps once you would remember. I
have cried with your words, laughed with your words,
compared my invisible thought and dreams to
Kotzwinkle's for air between rib cracking boughts of
cough cry laughter. And or is that a place that a
semicolon should be. Thus I feel and a vague pull at
the sense of my being perhaps it is time I start to
write for real.
Not just letters to you, but fictional portrayals of
the beasts trapped in these souless contraptions that
we are. In years spent studying monty python and
history. I can find no irony more pure in america than
yours. I am; (there itis)however, not in america but
somewhere else.
awaiting your words of greeting
and hoping that after all
I can laugh and say
he is safely in heaven.
Greetings Kurt
and may you go softly into that good night
your words have so soften the inevitable plight.
thom
Posted by thom on 2003-11-08 16:48:23

I agree with almost every comment, probably for the first time.Posted by Andu on 2003-11-07 22:16:38

Albert Einstein had the words, "God may be subtle but He is not malicious", inscribed or posted somewhere in his office at Princeton University. Now that's faith, baby! I say a Humanist need not also be an Athiest...these, "ists or isms", are not mutually exclusive.
It always comes down to what people do to one another and the Earth, (who you, Mr. Vonnegut so readily identify as the real culprits), as do I that manifest this sick reality that's been going on forever, it seems. God allows us freedom enough to perceptually assemble a shit hole for a world if that's what we THINK we want rather than something a lot more liveable. And it all starts with reason chewing away at itself. And we know that reason without temperance by intuition and that part of us we haven't even identified yet is the recipe for insanity and psychosis, (no conscience), which, by the way infers that there is a God, does it not? What's dead is exactly what you mentioned about what your uncle was saying to people who are not full of joy and gratitude about those things that make life worth living, not God. Reason does that too. As Henry Miller always admonished and Don Juan Matus affirmed, you have to lose your reason in order to get in touch with that part of you that you don't even believe exists. I'd add Sherwood Anderson's short story, "The Egg", as a complementary peice to your choice which I now will find and read...just because you recommended it and because I am such an inveterate Twerp myself. God's creation is the ultimate democracy or anarchy, I can't decide which. That's why all the extant theologies, which usually pass for religion, have killed God for some of us. Theologies disguised as any of the world's religions would be bound to immediately crucify Christ, for example - read, "The Grand Inquisitor", chapter in Fyodor Dostoievski's, "The Brothers Karamazov". Posted by Dominick Mastroserio on 2003-11-07 19:56:29

Frank Freeman - you're right...it does show. He's 81, but he's still Kurt Vonnegut. In fact, in one of this non-fiction books (I can't recall offhand), Mr. Vonnegut notes a period when he was having family troubles while teaching at Harvard (?). Anywho, when confronted by one of his students, guess what thay said?
"It shows."Posted by Franco Vitella on 2003-11-07 18:16:30

Aliens who pee gasoline.
How funny!
People born without consciences? Ohhh thats why Bush can tell a bold face lie without a wink. Now I see.
About that neuter thing. Umm sorry but I dont think so. The whole world can go down the tubes but a good roll in the sack will always make me say "If this isnt nice, I dont know what is."Posted by Shawn P Murphy on 2003-11-07 17:12:19

he's 81. it shows.
Posted by frank freeman on 2003-11-07 16:54:37

hehehe i love kurt vonnegut...he is a beautiful human-being. Posted by lana on 2003-11-07 16:38:52

It is not only conscience that is becoming all too rare especially in these United States-------it is also sanity. Conan the barbarian is the governator, the criminals make crime and greed government policy, we suffocate in the evidence of distructive policy and we're supposed to be happy to live in a land where we are free to watch the rich get richer while the rest wonder why health insurance is becoming such a privilege.
Thanks Kurt. Thanks for the open window in the brick wall.Posted by Maria Elena Ramirez on 2003-11-07 15:40:13

Kurt, you've been one of my biggest inspirations, and you've changed the world for the better more than you know. We'd all love to see that novel, and if your ever doing any more college tours, stop by here at the University of Michigan! Oh, and have a great birthday KV.Posted by David Guzman on 2003-11-06 17:01:01

I, too, am a life-long humanist. However, perpetual projections have bankrupt me in all forms; and, as a humanist, I can no longer survive. Therefore, interestingly, I plan to die on your birthday. Strange how life works out in such ways. Posted by No One on 2003-11-06 15:44:39

if this isn't nice, i don't know what is!
kurt and all of you have made my day much better. thanks.
Posted by mike on 2003-11-06 14:34:51

Mr. Vonnegut, you make me cry. I fear that my generation (I am 24) will be worse than the one currently brainwashing themselves into power. We are even more susceptible--show it to us on TV and we'll believe it. My baby will join this world in February and what will I tell it? I will quote you, Mr. Vonnegut, and tell it to recognize when it is happy and to respond to attempted brainwashing: "Take a flying @*#% at a rolling donut! Take a flying @%#* at the mooooon!" There are people with consciences left and we must follow our true leaders, thinkers, inspirers--like you Mr. Vonnegut. Posted by Anastasia V. on 2003-11-06 12:58:36

Brilliant writing. "If God Were Alive Today" Kurt would have been given infinite life for sole purpose of keep us informed and entertained as well. Kurt, please complete your novel, I'm eager to read it. Have a happy birth day!Posted by Sohel on 2003-11-06 11:00:36

Kurt's a sage. Happy Birthday.Posted by The Mitando on 2003-11-06 09:36:05

If Kurt isn't Mark Twain's incarnation, then God is his Co-pilot.
May you have the best of 81 years, Kurt, and please finish your novel.!
Love,
Steve and Kae and Florrie GellerPosted by Stephen Geller on 2003-11-06 09:29:26

KurtPosted by Steve Cooke on 2003-11-06 07:50:52

"last whiffs of fossil fuels"
kurt what of your nissan commercial?
surely your endorsement of a multi million dollar corporaton which helps devour this resource was then a joke of some kind that i am too thick to comprehend?Posted by robin on 2003-11-06 05:01:41

Kurt, happy birthday! I'm turning 40 the day before your birthday. The older I get, the more of a curmudgeon I happily become.
Punk rock, 2nd City TV, Mad Magazine, National Lampoon, Rolling Stone, Woody Allen, living out in the country and reading Kurt Vonnegut were some of my influences.
We November children are warped indeed. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Posted by neil on 2003-11-06 02:03:59

KV _is_God. Anyone who can make intelligent folk laugh in this predicatment has to be GOD incarnate!!!!Posted by ryokan on 2003-11-05 23:17:32

Kurt, if your articlel isn't nice I don't know what is nice. It was really a treat to read you. I share your views absolutely and love your sense of humour. Best wishes on your birthday. I'll be 73 this month too so I'll include you in my celebration. Love you,
Maria LuisaPosted by Maria L. Etchart on 2003-11-05 21:52:55

Have you ever noticed how good we get when we get older? Some of us become saints. More original. No minced words. No time for anything but truth. Age itself demands greater compassion for our foibles as well as absolute disgust for anything less than humility. God's own ultimate invention of ourselves. There's something about the ripeness of the fruit before it drops. Muhammed Ali. Look at Robert Redford. No touch up's there. Eat one of Paul Newman's organuc pretzels in the name of charity. Read some more Kurt Vonnegut, chuckle, and thank God we got older and we're still around. Happy Birthday!Posted by Bruce Robie on 2003-11-05 19:24:05

Happy Birthday, Kurt! It was truly pleasing to read your article. Your perspective on the U.S. is dead on--we need more keen observers like you. Posted by Beth on 2003-11-05 18:41:13

I get a comforting feeling when reading Vonnegut. Perhaps because he paints a picture of the world being total hell and all the shit IS hitting the fan. And when we read one of Mr. Vonnegut's essays, "Technology and Me," in my college rhetoric class and all the other students bashed him beyond belief, that they think there is more than just farting around, and that television is all of their best friends - well, that just mad me sad. Armistice Day is still sacred, in the hearts of some.
Happy Birthday, Mr. Vonnegut. And I hope you finish this novel. We all need it more than you think.Posted by Franco Vitella on 2003-11-05 18:05:59

Dear Friends,
This was a most encouraging piece from Kurt Vonnegut, it is so true what he says.
Thank you so much,
Lonnie MaxfieldPosted by Lonnie Maxfield on 2003-11-05 17:37:00

Wow, KV still can discuss saintliness in these upside times. I had to send that quote to some friends. Too glowing.
By the way, "Occurence at Owl Creek" was a special Twilight Zone episode that aired at Cannes around 1960. It's amazing as the book, as well. It's on DVD, FYI.Posted by Kamalesh Thakker on 2003-11-05 14:51:34

Always love Kurt Vonnegut--and am getting on line (sorry Kurt) to my library pronto to read (on line) the books he recommended. Although I did read Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge while still in high school--so hopefuly my current status as computer nerd (sorry again) and writer will be vindicated and I won't have to be a twerp after all.Posted by Laurie Fosner on 2003-11-05 12:26:54

Good Old Kurt! I try to forget that he and I both went to the University of Chicago - which has lost most of its wits, along with its sense of humor! Neuters Unite!Posted by Ane Hanley on 2003-11-05 12:03:53

As a Humanist myself, I needed the laughs KV can still muster out.
Thanks and (Slap)Happy BIrthday, Mr. V.Posted by Lynne Babcock on 2003-11-05 11:15:52