When I heard about our dictator President firing the person investigating him, then citing the absence of an investigation in the termination letter, my mind couldn’t help but draw breakup parallels. Can you imagine dumping someone because you were scared they might find out you’d been cheating…..and then when you dumped them, making sure to double down on the fact that they hadn’t caught you yet? (I couldn’t even type that without aggressively planting my face into my palm.) Oh and also, they find out they’ve been dumped on TV Twitter — they actually think it’s a joke at first, LOL! Oh and then just to add insult to injury, you resurrect your crazy aunt PeggyAnne from the dead to go on CNN Facebook and comment on the whole thing. AND let’s not forget that this person you just shat all over helped you get your job by crucifying the other candidate! I mean, can you just IMAGINE being that big of an asshole?

But of course, we’re not talking about silly, superficial things like bf/gf relationships here! We’re talking about the leader of the free world unapologetically abusing his power in an attempt to save his orange face and prolong the confirmation of his collusion of Russian just a teensy bit longer. Say it with me now: Who’s your Vladdy!?

Anywho! Here’s what the termination breakup letter would look like:

And here’s Drumph’s masterpiece, in case you haven’t heard it on CNN 8 million times committed it to memory yet:

Sure, there’s a tiny detail that doesn’t exactly line up in my comparison (new boyfriend vs. new FBI director), unless Trump elects Putin as the new FBI director of the United States. Obviously that’s not humanly possible, but then again, I think we can all agree humanity has been out the window for a while now, so you really just never know!

As if I even need to say it for the 675th time this year….WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!