I left the X and the MH in Nov or 2011 (yes I know leaving the house was the worst thing I could have done), to date she has played gatekeeper and will only allow me to see our two kids on other weekends, nothing has been agreed to or signed, as such I continue only to pay her off-set CS as well as the schedule 7 items, she of course wants full CS as the kids are with her (very self serving argument here).
She has also decided that for the 10 yrs of our marriage she suffered abuse, to the point now where she will not speak to me for fear of her personal safety wtf?!

She also claims that I don't want the children but only not to pay full CS. Of course wants the MH and Pension thrown in as a parting gift. (i assume pain and suffering)

The Judges opinion at the case conference was that as we, the parents weren't communicating the children should stay with mom. I refuse to accept the role of weekend dad to my children. so i will continue to fight for equal access.

At what point though does a Judge say they've been there for XXX months/days/yrs as such they will remain with there with their Mother?

6 months to a year. You can make stronger arguments if you were equally involved with the kids while you were together, and can show it. You took them to the doctor and dentist, picked them up after school, took them to sports and rec activities. If the mom was stay-at-home and took care of all these things, then arguably the status quo extends from the marriage. If she worked and you split these duties, then you can argue 10 years of status quo.