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Category Archives: Spider Mother

Andrew Hanibelsz: The first paragraph of Eve Ensler’s ‘In the body of the world’ describes what it’s like to be the daughter of a Spider Mother.

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D: Brutal reading… but I don’t get the spider connection.

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Andrew Hanibelsz A mother that is scared of her own body cannot ‘hold’ her child, but spins a web that entraps instead. Her grown-up offspring remain in a constant state of fear because they never had a ‘base’ from which to ‘begin Being’. Everything is an assault. Their only inheritance in the material world is paralysis. Seems unfair, doesn’t it?

Nothing is that simple.

In the spiritual realm, these children are Wounded Healers with extraordinary potential – similar to those deaf & blind masseurs that develop a near ‘supernatural’ tactile acuity in the absence of the predominant stimuli we are accustomed to; sight and sound.

Our treatment space is a de facto Mother. A safe and secure holding space where the terror of existence can be safely experienced.

Once a person has experienced the lifetime of terror that has paralyzed their Being, it’s possible to make changes.

I needed to be held in the safety of another person for over a year before I felt safe enough to admit I was terrified of my own existence.

Andrew Hanibelsz How can you know you are in your mother’s web BEFORE having the experience? In other words, how can you know that you may need help if, by definition, you are paralyzed and numb?

“If you are divided from your body you are also divided from the body of the world, which then appears to be other than you or separate from you, rather than the LIVING CONTINUUM to which you belong.

Absence of a maternal presence in early childhood results in a person that feels constantly under attack and unprotected. They are afraid of the vibrancy of life – including even their OWN sexual energy and creative rage.

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Worst Spider-Mother onslaught ever – almost 23hrs – 80mg codeine no effect – non-stop screaming – no vomiting this time but only because I was so exhausted – unrelenting terror. What scared her so badly this time? The realisation that she had no home (including her own body). Ever.

Recovering rapidly. Able to get up, wash and feed myself unaided.

Not sure why I’m receiving Spider-mother’s terror unmitigated other than as a ‘punishment’ for my lack of compassion, laziness and vanity. Love is the only way forward.

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Somatic counter-transference. I’m missing something fundamental in my understanding of the dynamics. The majority of energies I’m able to ‘receive’ and ‘translate’ – I’m able to impart coherence and form, so that the person can recognize and learn what to do with their previously unmanageable emotions.

The recent Spider Mother attack is an example of the problematic minority. I’m not able to ‘do’ anything with the energy. It just hurts. It’s debilitating. It constricts all high order functions. I’m knocked out.
It doesn’t make sense. There must be something that can be done.
Strengthening the core merely protects me, it doesn’t make it any easier to negotiate the energy if and when I let it in.
If it’s a blind spot. It’s one hell of a massive one.

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Spider Mother is feeling guilty and under attack but doesn’t realize it’s her own conscience and not me that’s doing the judging. Poor Spider Mother. She had a dream that I put my hands on her head and white light was released. This ‘blessing’ is what she doesn’t want to loose. It’s what I ‘represent’ to her, not what I actually am. I’m just a baba.

Sent her some love. Let’s hope it doesn’t frighten her further. Hard to work out the correct dose for someone so ‘small’.

Nb: Almost recovered from yesterdays attack after several ice packs and a good nights sleep. Mostly fine now.