This will come as little surprise: survey after survey have pointed that workplace bullying is on the rise.

A VitalSmarts report released earlier this week found that 96% of their respondents – out of 2,283 people – experienced workplace bullying. Psychology Today refers to the increase as ‘silent epidemic’. Since 2003, 26 states have introduced Happy Workplace bills to help eliminate bullying at work. Unfortunately, none of those laws have been enacted yet.

Those studies and surveys, when taken together, cast light on the surprising dynamics of bullying – the belittling, reputational attacks, gossip and elbowing that make many modern workplaces unbearable.

Here's what the studies show: bullying is not random. It has reasons in the bully's mind, even if those reasons are unfair, skewed, and informed by their personal insecurities. That bodes well for handling bullies, in the workplace or elsewhere, because it means you can address the root causes – and it's absolutely essential to stand up for yourself, because bullies tend to prey on those they perceive as weak, and they have lasting power in the office. They tend to drive better workers away to remain the last man (or woman) standing, and they tend to turn on not just one person, but several at a time.

“We were astonished that in so many cases the person most likely to remain in his or her job was the bully,” said Joseph Grenny, co-author of the study and the book Crucial Conversations.

The scope of bullying is larger than most people realize. According to a 2012 CareerBuilder study, bullying included being falsely accused of mistakes, being subjected to the silent treatment, being the subject of unfair gossip or assaults on your reputation, having professional performance belittled or diminished in front of peers, and having someone steal credit for your work. VitalSmarts found that bullying included sabotaging others' work or reputation, browbeating and threats, or even physical intimidation.

Not surprisingly, given the extent of that list, bullying happens to nearly everyone.

Yet bosses are not the only ones guilty of bullying. Workplace bullies come in different shapes and sizes: a boss who can be mean for no reason, a co-worker who steals our spotlight, a co-worker who takes credit for our work, a client that knows no boundaries. While 48% of 3,800 workers nationwide were bullied by their superiors, 45% said their bullies were coworkers and 31% admitted to being bullied by customers, according to CareerBuilder.

Simply put, a workplace bully is someone at work who makes getting up on Mondays harder than it needs to be.

The problem lies within the companies that permit bullies to thrive within their culture, says Sharon Parella, a partner at the financial services group of Morrison & Foerster’s New York office, who has been outspoken on the issue.

“The companies are saying: ‘Leave us alone. Don’t regulate us. Let us police ourselves.’ But they aren’t policing themselves. They need to train their employees,” she says.

Only 51% of respondents said their company had a policy for dealing with bullies, found the VitalSmarts report. What's even worse, just 7% know of someone who used that policy and 6% say that it didn't work to stop the bully.

Grenny and his co-author, David Maxfield, suggest several techniques for dealing with bullies, including speaking up right away, sticking to detailed facts when talking about bullying, finding out what kind of legitimate concern the bully has, warning the bully of the consequences of their behavior, and holding boundaries.

Instead of punishing the bullies, many workplaces reward them. A research paper in the Journal of Managerial Psychology found that bullies tend to be very good at office politics - or at least, kissing up to the boss and using gossip through office social networks to attack those they consider rivals.

While victims are usually targeted due to their social incompetence, on some occasions bullies can possess high levels of social ability. Due to their social competence, they are able to strategically abuse coworkers and yet be evaluated positively by their supervisor.

Perhaps due to their elaborate strategies for sucking up while kicking others, bullies tend to last. More than half of workplace bullies, 54%, have been at it for more than five years, with no consequences. Some bullies have been with their company for as long as 30 years.

As for the excuses used by the bullies themselves that their victims are not as good workers: it's usually not the case. “There is never a good reason to bully,” says Parella. “Bullying is not the same as disciplining. Bullying might mean different things to different people, but it’s behavior that is severe and pervasive. It’s conduct that makes people uncomfortable.”

Dealing with a workplace bully can cost their victims 7-plus hours a week in lost time, found VitalSmarts. Photograph: LifeStyleKB/Alamy

Any of these acts listed above can and do pollute workplace environment, which in turn can lead to higher turn over rate. About 17% of those voluntarily leaving their job did so because of management and their work environment, Gallup found in 2008. About a third, at 32%, cited career advancement and promotion opportunities as their reason.

Having a bully for a boss is probably no career booster. After all, a boss who frequently belittles you is not likely to help you advance.

“There can be a very thin line between a bully and a leader,” warns Whitney Johnson in a blogpost on Harvard Business Review, Bullying is a Confidence Game. “[R]ather than doing what a leader does, which is to build on our strengths and compensate for our weakness for a greater purpose, the bully exploits our weaknesses and uses our strength for their own gain.”

Clearly, workplace bullying is no small problem and it’s not going away any time soon. To help us understand it better, share your experience with workplace bullying below.