Two government employees, self-professed time travelers, give 'account'

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Forget 2012 prophecies, Mayan calendars and lurking planets that go only by the name "X" … there’s an even kookier conspiracy theory in town, and it has to do with our nation’s fearless leader and his teenage teleportation adventures on Mars.

Yes, you read that right.

It seems that two government employees and self-professed time-travelers — er, "chrononauts" — Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings have come forth and named President Obama as one of their own, along with the current head of DARPA, Regina Dugan.

(DARPA, if you don’t know, is the agency responsible for keeping U.S. defense up-t0-date with advancements in technology. Begun as a response to the Sputnik program in the late 50s, DARPA finds ways to integrate cutting-edge tech developments into stuff the military might want.)

Basiago, a Washington state lawyer, says that he was part of a time travel program developed by DARPA in the 1970s code-named Project Pegasus. He and Stillings claim that both Obama and Dugan were in their "Mars training class" at California’s College of the Siskiyous in 1980, part of a group of 10 young adults chosen to travel to Mars via a top-secret teleportation "jump room."

They also claim that the then-19-year-old Barack Obama went by the name “Barry Soetero”.

The two former chrononauts also said that they encountered the future president at secret U.S. bases on Mars, which he is said to have visited twice between the years 1981 and 1983. On one instance Basiago said he even exchanged words with Ob — uh, Soetero — en route to the “jump room” while on Mars.

"We’re here," Basiago claims the young president-to-be said to him.

And the supposed reason for the secret teen task force’s Red Planet expedition? To “acclimate Martian humanoids and animals to their presence,” according to Basiago.

You know, to make good with the locals so there’d be no trouble when setting up camp.

White House officials have denied all allegations of the President’s Martian travels, or the existence of a Mars training class. But, of course, they would.

And you thought the whole birther thing was a bit extreme? Wake up sheeple, this is some real crazy here. Chrononaut style.