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So, after seeing the messages to my best friend which said he would take care or her with his tongue, I'm really tempted to change my status on Facebook from married to separated. Is it too early to do that? He wants a 3 month separation but after those texts I don't want anything to do with him. Dumb......

Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

Posts: 184 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Minnesota

LadyQ♀ 32847Member # 32847

Posted: 9:50 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

I removed my status when I realized he hadn't ever stopped contact. That way I didn't have to worry about what it was at any time. My status just doesn't exist...

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011

Nature_Girl♀ 32554Member # 32554

Posted: 9:53 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013

Change it to whatever YOU want. That level of public indecency, a married man publicly telling a woman who is not his wife that he will use his tongue on her, is a clear indication of his dismissal of his marriage vows. What do YOU want to do about it?

I agree in general about FB statuses... but think anything you do now to reinforce your separatedness is a good thing. Who cares what he wants? Don't work to his timetable.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

Posts: 1463 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK

million pieces♀ 27539Member # 27539

Posted: 7:35 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013

When I blocked him, it automatically took him off as my husband. Evidently there was some notice about that because that was one of the million stupid things he got mad at me about (I blocked him because he told me he wasn't coming home, ever via FB ).

Yes, blocking him on FB is sooooo much worse than fucking a whore for 6months behind my back.

I don't get the attitude about Facebook relationship statuses being attention seeking behavior. Do people hide their status when they get married, so no one will accuse them of seeking attention for changing it? You see, the real problem here is that we have a cultural norm that says we aren't allowed to talk about anything "negative" and if we do, we're accusing of being drama queens or attention whores. Changing it from married to single or divorced or separated is no more attention seeking than changing it from single to married! We are allowed to talk about our lives, and we shouldn't feel ashamed of just telling the truth.

I think everyone needs to read the book Dance of Deception. It's written for women, but men could benefit from it, too. It goes into a lot of detail about how society shames women into keeping men's secrets and into keeping anything negative hidden away, to protect others from feeling discomfort. But it's not my job to keep anyone else from feeling uncomfortable because something bad happens to me. That's absurd. If something bad happens to me, I'm the one who needs protection, not everyone else (except my kids)!

All that being said, I didn't change my relationship status. However, when I'm divorce, I'm changing it, and no, I will not hide it just to prevent other people from feeling awkward or being judgmental. Why should I?