The Past 10 Days

The past 10 days have been incredibly difficult for me. Two Fridays ago I received a call from my doctor about possible concerns with the baby’s health. Before I even got through the phone call, I broke down in tears.

By some grace of God, David was here that morning and, as always, immediately became my rock. At times like that, I’m not great at being logical. My emotions simply take over. I went right in for more blood tests, then was told results would take 10 days.

I cried, I kept largely to myself, I googled and learned more than I ever wanted to know. Then, I picked myself up and made myself busy. We went to the Renaissance Fair, we went hiking, we met up with friends at Great Wolf Lodge, I busied myself with taking Hailey out and about. It was the longest 10 days of my life.

Yesterday at 5:30pm, after I had given up hope I’d hear anything that day, my phone rang. It was one of my doctors, who happens to be a good friend of mine too, and the first thing she said was ‘It’s all good. It’s all good news.”

Again, I broke down in tears.

Immediately I felt a million times lighter. I felt humbled with gratitude. I felt like my world finally started spinning again. I realized how much I had been faking it, even to myself, that I had been doing ok.

It’s easy to take things for granted, even when we actively try to recognize how blessed we are. Perhaps in some ways I unknowingly took my pregnancy with Hailey for granted, but this one has, from the start, made me realize what a true miracle pregnancy, childbirth and even life itself is.

This morning I woke up, after a good night’s sleep at last, and felt alive again. I know that sounds dramatic, but I’m driven by emotions, not logic, and the past 10 days have been so emotionally taxing.

I’m ready to play, to cook and I guess to finally clean up the house and attack the laundry that has become a monstrous disaster over the past 10 days. I feel, well, I’m not sure, lucky isn’t the right word. I feel curious as to why my life gets to go back to a new, bright normal while there must be so many that get phone calls that don’t bring good news. I imagined myself in that position so many times over the past 10 days and my heart aches for those that have gotten those phone calls instead.

Tomorrow I will get life going again. I’ll write and catch you all up on the pregnancy, I am almost 15 weeks after all. I’ll get back in the kitchen and attack the list of recipes I’ve been thinking about. I’ll get my body moving and the wheels of our household spinning again.

But today is for reflection, for compassion and for overwhelming gratefulness.

About Brittany Dixon

Brittany Dixon is a former health coach turned stay at home mom of two girls. Her goal is to share her passion for healthy eating and natural living alongside the daily challenges and triumphs of motherhood. She is excited to step into the world of homeschooling and continue to share her life through recipes, anecdotes and future travels with her family.

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Comments

Hugs. I had a similar experience and though I only had to wait about 2 days I can relate to the “lost” feeling and just not being okay. I also got a call with good news and it has truly changed my life and my perspective. You’re right…lucky isn’t the right word, but I’m so happy for you and your family that all is okay. XOXOXOAmanda @ Sistas of Strength recently posted..Stress Balls and Balance Pads

Im so pleased for you. Had a sneeking feeling from as post a few days back that something was a-miss, but Im so pleased all is good. A friend of mine went through that with her 2nd pregnancy, they thought the baby might have downs (a 1 in 4 chance), but after a few weeks of tests and nerves, all was fine and she is now due on 3 weeks.

Its so easy to take life for granted. I was made redundant last week, and so ‘Im searching for a new job. I loved my job, and took it for granted that it would always be there. I was planning my life, house finished, then try for a baby, all the time thinking that my job was going to be there to support me. Now its not, and I feel a mix of emotions, berreved, sad, lonely, failure. I know its not the same as a baby, but it goes to show, we should all be a little more aware of quite how lucky to be here we all are, and that anything we get out of life is a bonus and a great honour.

Thank you for your comment Sarah! A job is different than a baby, yes, but it does not mean the amount of stress, frustration and disappointment you feel is any less potent. I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch, but you clearly are a compassionate and kind person and I have no doubt that things will work out for you. Good luck!!

Oh Brittany – I can only imagine how you were feeling! I’m so thankful that everything is ok for you and your family. I had a friend go through an incredible scare at 20 weeks and it was heart wrenching to watch. Thank goodness theirs turned out well too! Thinking about you.Madeline @ Food Fitness and Family recently posted..My Birth Plan

This post brought tears to my eyes. I’m so glad everything is ok! I’ll be praying for you and the family! So glad this weight has been lifted!Liz @ I Heart Vegetables recently posted..Spontaneous Dates & Weekend Adventures

I went through a similar experience with my little girl. She measured really small through my whole pregnancy and at 16 weeks after we had the AFP done, we received news that she may have a chromosomal disorder. That was the longest week of my life waiting for those results. Fortunately nothing was wrong with her, but I ended up having to go to the doctor every week for 8 weeks of my pregnancy and 2 x a week for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy. It was rough and I feel as though I never got to be really excited about being pregnant b/c I was always worried what the doc might tell me the next time I went, but when my little girl got here 4 weeks early she was absolutely perfect even though she weighed in at only 2 lbs 12 oz. She spent 3 weeks in the NICU and even though at the time it felt like an eternity, it seems like just a distant memory now almost 20 weeks into her life.

Again I am so happy you got good news and I hope it is smooth sailing from here on out!

Wow, what a stressful and scary time pregnancy must have been for you! I’m so sorry you were robbed of the innocent joy that a pregnancy should bring, but I’m thrilled everything is now a distant memory and you have a beautiful daughter to hold and love! I’m sure the experience made you even a stronger better woman and mom. So glad you have a happy ending!

I hear you clearly. A week and a half ago, I found myself going in to see a breast surgeon for a lump that was found a week prior. It was the longest 5 days of waiting, I lost 10 lbs because everything I tried to eat did not stay in me, and I could hardly function at all. Granted this was my life and not my baby but I feel like it’s the same pain. My husband and I were so tired after a week of no sleep we came home from that appointment knowing everything was ok and slept all afternoon. Thankfully everything turned out for both of us and we can get on with life. Prayers being sent your way:)Karen recently posted..Another Few Miles Geocaching on the Ahnapee State Trail

<3 <3 So happy to hear everything is good!! I wouldn't even know what to do after getting a phone call like that. I feel so bad you had to go through that, and am glad you are able to relax and take a day to yourself to feel better! I can imagine you had so much stress you didn't even know you had!Heather @fitncookies recently posted..Extra Boost Workout

I have never commented but wanted to commend you on a lovely, genuine blog. I just found your blog a few months ago and it had quickly become one of my very favorites. You are REAL and readers are hungry for that.

I could only imagine how you were/are feeling right now but I am SO happy things are much better now. It’s sad how we take everyday life for granted and it’s great that you are taking today at relax and reflect, everyone needs to do it. I’ll be thinking of you.Karen recently posted..Thankful For…

I went through this too. Not sure if it was the same thing, but my baby’s risk of down syndrome came back very high and I ended up having an amnio. Though I only had to wait 2 days for preliminary results (and a week for full), those 2 days were agonizing. I honestly felt like my entire life depending on those results.

I read your post during our waiting time and it made my heart ache for you, but also gave me hope knowing you had a wonderful outcome. I’m sorry you had to go through it all, but thrilled you had great news! I appreciate you sharing your story!

I am so happy to hear that everything is okay! It brought tears to my eyes to imagine the fears and anxieties you must have been going through. Sending you and your family a big hug and lots of happy thoughts for smooth sailing from here on out.

Also, thank you for sharing this tough and vulnerable time with us. I think it is so important for women talk about their pregnancy struggles– my mother, mother-in-law, and sister’s mother-in-law all had miscarriages and/or pregnancy complications, which blew me away when I found out. I feel like we never hear about how difficult pregnancy can be, which makes it that much harder when and if we struggle personally. So, thank you 🙂Lindsey recently posted..Turmeric & Rose Water Lassi

Lindsey, Its a shame that the women in your family didnt share their difficulties with you till much later… but it just wasnt talked about much back then. Im 56 & never knew till after I had my first child that there were family members that had problems. My husband had a sister that was probably profoundly mentally ill. She never talked & was functioning at the level of a small child. She was “sent away”, institutionalized & then later put into a group home environment. She lived there into her late 50s & died a few years ago!! It was a deep dark secret that they never talked about !! I simply cannot to this day understand how that could have happened…. but in the early 1950s that was pretty much the “solution” for “those type of children”… I didnt find any of that out till I had a miscarriage between my 2 kids. I had amnio done for my second & everything seemed normal.

but my pregnancy was much harder then my first one (that i sailed thru w no probs & have a wonderful daughter that is 31 & she has a 2 yr old & one on the way !!) I had some bleeding problems & my son was born preemie just over 2 months early w some complications. They dont know why it happened & after a bit of a rough start he is now almost 26 & in law school…. perfectly normal & wonderful… except he still has 2 small scars on the side of his ribs from having had chest tubes inserted. a very small price to pay for his tough start in life.

I do talk about it & am so glad things are more open today. We didnt have the internet or blogs to read back then 😉 Having “problems” or miscarriages is just so common, it happens all the time…. considering the journey from egg to fetus to newborn, its an amazing tribute to the way the human body works & “survival of the species” !!

So glad everything is good with your new babe! A friend of mine just got a pretty heavy diagnosis related to her unborn daughter and it really does make you realize how precious and miraculous pregnancy is. Even how blessed we are to have medical advances to combat some issues (my friend may have prenatal surgery on her baby). Many blessings to you and your sweet family!

I held my breath through almost your entire post. I am beyond happy for you that all is ok. It’s amazing when something like this happens its as if you get a glimpse of another reality..one that unfortunately hits too close to home. I think of it when I see parents with with sick or disabled children- how they were just like all of us at one point where they planned for a healthy pregnancy and didn’t think twice about it until they got that call. I think one thing to remember is that if news had not been good you and David would have risen to meet any challenges together.

I’m so sorry you had to experience that and I cannot imagine how difficult (and long) it must have been to wait to hear something. Happy to hear that the little girl/guy is healthy and I’ll keep you in my prayers for a relatively low key and easy pregnancy going forward. Email me anytime if you need to just let it all out – that’s what I’m hear for!Maria recently posted..Yosemite Birthday Weekend: Lodging

BIG hugs to you and your sweet little family today! I can’t imagine what that must have been like, but so relieved to hear that things are OK. Life is precious–enjoy each moment, big or small!Lauren K recently posted..Lauren & Sadie

Wow! Sometimes I feel like our lives our so similar. I have a 2.5 year old daughter and a 3 month old daughter. My first pregnancy was instantaneous. With number two we had a surprise pregnancy that resulted in an early miscarriage but then I got pregnant again right away. I had an early US because I was so paranoid about having another miscarriage. There was a heartbeat and we told our families at Christmas last year. At my 12 week ultrasound last January we found out our baby had a high NT rating (increased risk of chromosome abnormalities) this news alone would have been difficult however the radiologist also over diagnosed the issue as cyctic hygroma with hydrops (words I never knew but will now never forget). We waited 8 days to get into a specialized medical centre thinking our only option would be abortion. We then discovered the error that was made. We still had a long road ahead but thankfully our amnio results came back normal and I now have a three month old perfectly healthy baby girl sleeping beside me. I struggled a lot too with “why us”? First with the wrong diagnosis and then with everything being okay. I am grateful. When I have overwhelming Mommy moments I actually feel really guilty because I am so lucky she is here at all…..I’m working on that one. Anyway I am sorry for the stress you and your husband went through but so glad to hear the good news. I love reading your blog since our lives are so similar but you are also my healthy eating inspiration! You have really opened by eyes to a lot of things. If its any consultation I have a theory – My first pregnancy was a breeze but labour and delivery was a 20 hour nightmare. With my second, the pregnancy was horribly stressful but labour and delivery were shockingly quick. I had a natural birth which give me a sort of hormonal high that lasted right through the new born phase and a calm baby who slept through the night at 8 weeks! I wish that for you as well.

Oh wow, Kate, what a nightmare you had to go through with your second pregnancy! I’m am so, so happy to hear that your story has a beautiful, happy ending. I understand completely knowing more than you ever wanted to know. I hope to never read about nuchal translucency ever again. On a lighter note, I hope to have a similar second labor experience. Sounds incredible!! 😉 Thank you so much for sharing and for reading! <3

Oh no, Brittany, I am so sorry you had to go through this! Pregnancy complications are so, so scary. It’s crazy how much we already love them when they’re only the size of a blueberry. I’m so glad everything turned out OK. <3Jen recently posted..Pregnancy update: week 17

So glad that everything is alright with your baby. I’m sure that was very difficult to go through. I’ve also had some scares with my 2nd pregnancy where we thought I was going to miscarry but thankfully didn’t and am 14 weeks with everything looking and sounding good now.

I’m so thankful to hear that everything is good. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been for you!! I had friends who went through similar experiences, and I saw how much it affected them!Kristen @ notsodomesticated recently posted..(Almost) Seven months postpartum.

Wow, I can’t imagine how terrifying that must have been. So happy that everything is ok and that you had David’s support in the meantime. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers – here’s to a safe, healthy, and oh so happy pregnancy for Baby #2!Dominique @ That’s What Domi Said recently posted..What the Fox?

I don’t know exactly what you have been going through, but my heart goes out to you. I hope all continues to be well. As I navigate all the genetic testing myself – I’m a wee but older- it’s very nerve wracking. Feel free to email me if you feel like chatting! You are in my thoughts.

So relieved to hear that you’re ok. I can’t begin to imagine how the past 10 days must have been for you. I have two friends whose results came back rather grim, but both babies are absolutely well and healthy! Big hug xxGcroft recently posted..Holiday in Nice, Côte d’Azur

Britt, I read your post & was holding my breath till you wrote that “It was good news”. Thank god for you !! My daughter is preg with #2 (due date 12/23). her first Caitlyn is born the same day as Hailey. I had a late (13 wks) miscarriage & my son was born at just under 32 weeks. He is now 26 & in law school, smart & perfect !! But it was some rough going in the beginning… Im a nurse & worked in maternity for many years… I still think having babies is a miracle…. I pray your little one is as wonderful as Hailey is !!!

Looking forward to hearing all the details as they happen !! hugs for you !!

I’m so excited for you and your daughter! It won’t be long now. What a blessing! Thanks for sharing your experiences. It’s amazing how many women overcome obstacles and grief with fertility and yet how rarely it’s discussed.

Thanks so much Ashley. I’m sorry to hear you had to learn the hard way, but I love seeing pictures now of your beautiful daughter and your happy family. I’m doing my best to heed your advice and enjoy the rest of pregnancy. I think each day that passes helps me get back to that place of celebration and excitement!

This post brought tears to my eyes! Although I don’t know you personally and I don’t have children (yet) so I don’t know what it’s like to experience pregnancy, I can only imagine the anxiety and stress you experienced over the last 10 days and then the sense of relief once you knew everything was ok!Christa @ Sit-ups & Sequins recently posted..WIAW #7: Healthy Homemade Snacks

I am a little late but wanted to tell you that I am so glad everything turned out okay. Your comment about unknowingly taking some of your first pregnancy for granted resonated with me. While we struggled to get pregnant with our first and I never “took it for granted” I do feel like you have a different perspective as a second time mom. I look at my happy, healthy, smart, perfect, extraordinary son and couldn’t help but think that with everything that goes into the birth of a child that we could not possibly get so lucky again. I was so nervous for our NT and anatomy scans and am extremely happy to say that we have a healthy baby girl on the way!

I couldn’t be happier that things are looking good again! I hope that fear and uncertainty slowly subsides and each day you enjoy that beautiful little miracle you are growing! Congrats 🙂

So glad to hear that everything! A pregnancy is such a miracle but it’s one of the scariest moments of your life. To go through weeks of taking care of this being inside you and risking your baby and your life to do it- total miracle. We are on the same boat it seems with our due-dates. I will be 15 weeks on Friday 🙂

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Hi, I’m Brittany! I'm a former health coach turned homeschooling, work-at-home mom to two energetic girls. A Healthy Slice of Life is a place where I share how we live our best lives through the lens of food, family, and travel while hopefully inspiring you to do the same. I'm so glad you're here!

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