Principles for Relationships from God's Word by Claudio Consuegra

Ways to build a resilient child – 3

We have a father, an old man, and la child of his old age, who is young; his brother is dead, and he alone is left of his mother’s children, and his father loves him. (Gen. 44:20 NKJV).

Justin Coulson[i] shares 18 things you might be able to do, starting today, to help your children feel cared for and heard and thus grow up to be resilient.

Bed time is best. Make the last few minutes of the day a precious bonding time with your children. Read to them, preferably a nice story book, pray with them, tuck them in bed, and give them a warm hug and a kiss. Your children will go to bed feeling loved and secure.

Give hugs, and touch them. When you pass by your children, or your spouse, make it habit to pat them on the back, squeeze their arm, touch their neck or hair, or put your arm around their shoulder. Your touch affirms them as a person, that you have seen them, and that their presence matters. It feels good to be noticed. It’s like a vitamin which, as research shows, can boost well-being. As Colson*** writes, “I also find that if a child is struggling, one of the best things we can do is hug them. In fact, the times our children deserve our hugs the least are the times they need them most.”

Stay calm. It is a parent’s main responsibility to stay calmer than their child. We teach our kids by example how to regulate their behavior. They can see and trust that we are stable, secure, predictable, and safe and they learn they can come to us no matter what, and that we will respond calmly and kindly.

One-on-one time is crucial. This is particularly important the more children you have. Kids feel important, heard, and worthy when we give them personal, undivided attention. This does not have to be structured meetings that look more a job interview. Instead, even short outings, walks, or individual play time may be the most important way we can show our children we care about them and that we want to listen to them. Fathers can take their daughters on a date and mothers their sons. These times are crucial relationship-builders.

Father God, if I am not already doing these things for my children, help to begin today to help them and strengthen them as they grow.