Celebrating Victories – Big Apple Style…

This past weekend, I took the trip I’ve been talking about and anticipating for months – a trip to New York to see Cyndi Lauper and friends in a holiday concert to benefit homeless lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered youth. It. Was. Amazing. And I’ll tell you all about it, but first of all, the trip started as I left home for work on Friday morning, and weighing in that morning was a great way to kick off a weekend of traveling! I weighed in at 223.8, a FIVE POUND loss from the prior week!!! That’s a 34.8 pound weight loss since July, and about 91 pounds down from my highest weight a few years back!!! This is the lightest I’ve ever been as an adult. It’s really pretty amazing. I’m beginning to really like my body, and see myself as sexy and attractive! That’s huge progress for me, as viewing yourself as a normal size person takes a lot of mental work! It’s been a shift that’s happened over time, along with confidence being built up in other areas of my life, as well. Which leads me back to New York…

I traveled with a friend from work who is also gay and a huge Cyndi Lauper fan like me, and we met up with one of my best friends who lives in New York. True Colors had such intense meaning for me when I was coming out a couple of years ago. Not to sound too dramatic, but on the nights when I just wasn’t sure I could do it, I’d lay in bed listening to True Colors and cry – but knowing that I was building the courage to finally live authentically. My friend from work and I both figured we’d get emotional at the concert, and it actually happened at the very beginning, when Cyndi sang Time After Time with Sarah McLachlan and came out on stage for the first time. I’ve never been a celebrity follower or concert goer, but this woman’s music had touched my soul, and to be at this event totally filled me up with an appreciation for how far I’ve come, how I am being true to myself finally, and it was just an amazing experience. Some of the others performing were Terri Nunn (the lead singer of Berlin who sang Take My Breath Away), Roberta Flack, Carson Kressly, Andy Cohen, Adam Lambert, Rosie O’Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg, and a surprise appearance by Jason Mraz!!! Incredible. There were so many amazing performances and duets with Cyndi, but my absolute favorite was when Cyndi took the stage alone with her dulcimer and sang True Colors. My heart was full. A few years back, I would never have attended a “gay” fundraiser, now I’ve been on the board of two gay-oriented non-profits, come out to everyone in my life, and traveled to New York for this concert. What a victory it’s been. Words are inadequate. A fellow concert-goer posted their video of the True Colors performance from Saturday on YouTube, and I’m going to put that video at the end of this post.

Other than that, we enjoyed great food (if you go to NYC, visit the basement Food Hall at the Plaza Hotel – it is truly my new favorite place on the face of the planet), and I gave myself permission to enjoy without going absolutely crazy. We did lots of walking to keep things balanced, and we did a good bit of shopping on Fifth Avenue and at Time Warner Center, too. Which brings me to the other victory celebrated on this trip. We went into the H&M on Fifth Avenue on Sunday after attending the Catholic mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral (and believe it or not, these two gay boys did NOT burst into flames upon entering), and they had these really nice winter coats with a fur trimmed hood on sale for $30!!! What a deal. At my highest weight, I was wearing a 3X. Most of my adult life, I’ve worn XXL’s, and occasionally in my thinner days, XL’s. So I went over and tried on the XL coat. It fit…..sort of……but it felt and looked a little loose. I knew if I continued to lose weight the coat would swallow me whole soon. So I tried on the coat in a large. That’s right a large – “L” – not a single “X” in sight, much less three of them! As I put my arms in, and tried to close the coat in front, I was positive I wouldn’t be able to get it zipped, but it was worth a shot. And then…….I realized……it zipped! And it fit perfectly!!! In disbelief I asked my friend if it looked too tight, and I sat down in it to make sure I wouldn’t split it open, which in my mind, is of course what would happen with me in a size Large coat. But nope – none of that; it really, truly fit me!!!

I was beside myself the rest of the day. Wearing the coat proudly everywhere, and enjoying the hell out of my changing body. When I got home to Atlanta late that night, after an evening of flight delays and travel headaches, I stood in my kitchen thinking about the coat in awe of my progress. So much so that I started to think maybe I’d misread the label. Maybe it was an XL, and I had just looked at it wrong. So I walked into the closet, pulled the coat I love so much from the hanger, found the tag, and carefully examined it. “L,” not “XL,” not “XXL.” I went to bed that night proud of my victories. On the scale that week, in the changes in my body, and most of all, in finding the courage to shed my armor that had been on for so many years, and be vulnerable to letting my true colors shine through. And this weekend in New York was the absolute perfect celebration of the Reconstruction that has truly taken place in my life.