Sunday, November 30, 2008

Tomorrow we go to the dr as a follow up to the call I placed Wednesday night because of the bleeding. For the last two days, the spotting had seemed to go away. Today, it's light, but it's back. I trust everything is going to be okay so I'm not really nervous, but I know the ultrasound will give me extra piece of mind. I guess we'll also find out how many babies there are. I know twins run in my family, but I just don't feel like there are two of them in there. If there were, I'd feel a little better about my pants feeling tighter ;)

At what point in time does it become ok or acceptable to start buying maternity clothes? I have a cousin who was pregnant the same time last year as I am so she said I could use her clothes since they are for the same seasons I'll need. I'm wondering if it's too early to call and come get them. My shirts are fine, it's jut my work pants. I'll hold off as long as I can, but I'm wondering when that will be.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

After I went to work yesterday the spotting stopped. I didn't even have a hint of anything. Thank God!!! I did, a lot! After work I stopped by Hobby Lobby to get the iron on for the shirt I wanted to wear for Thanksgiving. It was our way of announcing to my mom's family our wonderful news. After that, I went to my sister's house so she could cut my hair. She wanted to give me a "Mommy cut" which to me was just cutting it shorter than what it was. We stopped by Target beforehand and when we got ready to cut my hair, I had to use the bathroom. At that point, the spotting started again, but it wasn't all brown, it was a reddish brown. Luckily, I have a sister whom I am close enough with she was willing to look at the color so I wouldn't freak out. She saw the brown had a red tint too. I called James, told him and the only thing I could do was monitor it. We decided to go ahead and cut my hair. After she finished, I immediately went to the bathroom to check and this time there was blood. Not bright red blood, it was more of a brownish red but it was clearly blood. Kelly checked it again and she agreed, it didn't look like spotting, it was blood. I called the dr's office to have the on call dr paged. 45 minutes later, we called again and she called me back within another 5 minutes.

This conversation did not go well. She basically said I could be miscarrying, but if I was, there wasn't anything they could do. Sitting in an ER all night wouldn't help. She recommended I "sit tight" monitor it, if it was more than a pad an hour, go to the ER, but if not, wait until Monday and they'll bring me in first thing for an ultrasound. This was not comforting in the least. I have never been so sad in my life. We couldn't be losing this precious gift we waited and prayed for? James came to pick me up from Kelly's house and when we were getting ready to leave, I went to the bathroom again and it was almost all gone. We got home, I checked again, barely anything there and it was brown. I woke up this morning and just the tiniest bit but there hasn't been any since. I'm so happy that it's gone, but still very cautious. I know spotting is common, everyone has told me that, but it still doesn't take away the worry. I am calm today and I feel like everything is going to be okay, but I will feel much better after the ultrasound Monday. I just pray the baby is healthy and growing as it should.

Needless to say, I stayed at home today, on the couch, laying down with my feet up. I didn't want to take any chances and the dr did say to lay around as much as possible. I didn't get to tell my family like I had planned. My mom told them instead, to explain why we didn't make it for Thanksgiving. That was a bit of a bummer because we were very excited to tell them, but I will do anything I have to do for this baby!

"Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place." From www.thebump.com

I'm finding that the morning sickness I experienced at the end of last week and beginning of this week is gone. When I get really hungry I have the worst hunger pains, but not so much nauseous. Once I'm finished eating, I do feel a bit nauseous but it's faint and goes away quickly. I'm still very tired and food still doesn't sound good. I did manage to get some turkey and potatoes down today. You must eat turkey on Thanksgiving and it actually tasted pretty good. Food still doesn't have much of a taste so I was excited. Speaking of food, I'm starting to get hungry, AGAIN :) Time to eat.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

We had our first and hopefully last scare yesterday. When I went to the bathroom there seemed to be the faintest hint of what I could only assume was spotting. When I went back a second time, there was more. There was more the third time so I called my dr. When they called back, she told me as long as it stayed brown, it's okay. Well that's so comforting. Of course my reaction is to call around and ask a few people if they spotted early on in any of their pregnancies. They all said no, but it was common and not to worry about it. I know this was coming from a good place, but it didn't help one bit. The internet just had a bunch of scary information. Alicea told me it could just be the baby burrowing down further in and that made perfect sense and I calmed down some. It seemed to come in waves, just like the morning sickness. It would lighten up then get a little more, then ligthen up. After laying down most of the night, it seemed to have gone away. I called Holly, a mother of triplets and a nurse, and she said the baby was probably just implanting and it's totally normal, not to worry but keep her updated.

This morning when I woke up, it was gone. As I moved around and stood on my feet to get ready, there is a little bit there now. I'm going to try to do what everyone is telling me and not worry about it because it's still brown. There's nothing that I can do except pray and trust. We waited a long time for this blessing and I just pray that everything is ok.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

"Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate." From www.thebump.com

So apparently at 6 weeks morning sickness kicks in. I've had a moment here or there where I felt a little sick and I've had several food aversions. However, today it felt like it came out of no where. Food doesn't sound, smell, or taste good at all. I do not want anything sweet at all, which is the total opposite of how I normally am. Food in general just doesn't appeal to me. Someone told me they really knew I wasn't feeling well because I said even pizza sounded gross. That's a big red flag for anyone that knows me. This being said, it's kind of cool. The feeling sick part isn't, but experiencing pregnancy is. It's truly amazing what's going on in there and how it affects me. I know I have a long road ahead of me and I'm sure it won't be easy. I'm going to take one day at a time and appreciate every moment of it. This is truly a blessing, a beautiful and wonderful gift and I will not take it for granted. I will take whatever comes my way. I, of course, will document it and be honest about it, but it will not be complaining.

On a side note, I'm totally jealous that my stepmom and sister are going to see Twilight tonight at midnight. I hope I get to see it this weekend!

Monday, November 17, 2008

We had our first prenatal visit today. It's official, confirmation of pregnancy! YAY!!! They confirmed the due date of July 16, 2009. We talked about a few things with the dr and then we got into the part I guess I need to get used to, the exam. Apparently they due a pap smear at your first visit. It was a little more uncomfortable than usual and it caused some light cramping that I normally don't experience after. The most unusual part of it, James was right there the whole time. It was an interesting experience for both of us. I go back again Christmas week to hear the heartbeat. She said if we can't hear the heartbeat, she'll do an ultrasound. We're very much looking forward to that!! I'm hoping to find out if there's just one or two in there :) I've always been teased about twins since dad is a twin, but the other night dad told me there's twins on my mom's side too. WOW. I guess we'll find out soon enough. Overall, it was a good appointment. We did get a lot of information and we're very excited to learn!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Griffin was the first family member we told. He had come over to the house when my prenatals were sitting around so we thought me might have had a clue that we were trying. We taped Uncle over the daddy part of "My daddy can arrest your daddy" and put it in a bag for him. When he pulled it out, he laughed. When we told him we were going to have a baby he said "Are you f'ing serious?" Then he laughed and said it was awesome. We were very happy that he was excited.

Telling his parents didn't exactly go the same way. They seemed to be in shock from the time we told them until the time they left and we hope they will adjust to it quickly and become excited.

Wednesday 11/12 was my dad's birthday. When we found out, I knew that I wanted to tell my dad on his birthday. I knew it would be the best gift ever! Since my parents are divorced, I had to devise a plan to surprise them both separately but on the same day. I also wanted to tell my sister badly so we decided to tell them all on dad's birthday. Here was the game plan: Back in February we bought "Why I love Grandma" and "Why I love Grandpa" books to give both sets of grandparents as the announcement. I wrapped dad's book since it was his birthday, left mom's in the bag from the bookstore and to tell Kelly, I made her a t-shirt that said "AUNT KELLY". We went out to dinner Wednesday night and went back to dad's house for birthday brownies. After Kelly left, I gave dad the book and when he opened it, he seemed a little confused. I had written, "Happy Birthday Papaw, We love you" on the inside and when he opened it, his face lit up. In the same high pitched voice James used, he asked if I was pregnant. I told him yes. He asked if I was serious and again I said yes. He asked really and again, yes. He started crying. It was so sweet. He gave me a hug and of course I started crying. He was so happy. He later called me and told me it was the best present we could've given him.

We stopped by mom's next and woke her up. I handed her the bag and told her we had picked her up a book at the store. She took it out of the bag, looked at it and said she needed to find her glasses. She walked out of the room and James and I stood there laughing. She walked back in and was like, "What's this?" I read the title out loud and she was like ok. I said it again, Why I love my grandma and it still didn't hit her. So I said, "you're going to be a grandma!" She asked if I was serious and when I said yes, she started screaming and jumping up and down. Then she hugged me and cried. The tears were running down my face too. She was so excited asking me all kinds of questions. We just asked that she not tell anyone, at least until we went to the dr.

After mom's we went to Kelly's. I had put her t-shirt down in an Old Navy bag that had 2 shirts in it that I had picked up for her. She pulled it out and kind of looked at it puzzled. Then it hit her and she asked if I was pregnant. When I told her yes, she gave me the exact reaction I had predicted. She screamed. Oh did she scream. It was so cute. She immediately started talking about planning a shower. She asked if it was a surprise or if we had been trying. She was the only one that night to ask and we told her it had taken a year. Then she walked up to my belly and started talking to it. Very cute.

I couldn't have asked for better reactions from any of them. Honestly, we got the reaction from each of them that we expected. Lots of excitement, tears and screams. It was clear my family is very excited.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

On Wednesday November 5th, we got the best news of our lives. We're having a baby. I took 3, yes 3, tests to make sure.We couldn't be more excited!! At this point, we haven't told our families yet so it's just our little secret. We know just how thrilled they'll be to find out they're going to be grandparents. We're very blessed! I can tell this is going to be an interesting ride and I hope you'll be there with us, but I think you should know how we got to this point.

Last fall we found out our friends were going to be parents. That started us thinking and discussing when we'd like to try. We'd never really had the baby conversation other than that we both wanted kids some day. Luckily, when we sat down and had that discussion, we were both on the same page and wanted to start trying right after Kelly's wedding in October 2007. That night, after the wedding, we talked again and decided that night we would no longer use any form of birth control. It was a huge decision because we knew our lives would change, but we both felt ready. James and I decided that since this was such an intimate decision, we really wanted to keep it just between us and not tell our families. That was very special to us.

The first month was exciting. It was the thought that we could've made a baby. However that cycle ended without a positive test. The first month was very disappointing. We knew it probably wouldn't happen the first try, but it still hurt. The second cycle had the same result and at this point, I started to think maybe this isn't going to be as easy as we thought. So I decided to join TheNest.com's message board Getting Pregnant. The woman on there seemed to know a lot and were a good anonymus support group for each other. They recommended I read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". It opened my eyes to quite a bit on how my body worked and just how small the window is to actually get pregnant. I honestly think that people don't realize how small that window really is and how lucky they are when it happens quickly.

At this point I decided to start monitoring my Basal Body temperature to make sure I was ovulating and to get an idea of what my cycles looked like. I seemed to fit the text book cycle, 28 days with ovulation on day 14. Of course every cycle was a little different, but the majority of the time, I followed that pattern. At the end of each cycle, since I knew how many days I was past ovulation and could tell which day I should start, I started to be overaware of my pms or what I was hoping were pregnancy symptoms. I think every other month I convinced myself I was pregnant. Each month was more disappointing to find out I wasn't.

I saw my GYN in June for my annual exam and talked to her about it. She said it can just take some couples longer than others to get pregnant and since we were young, just relax and if it hadn't happened after one full year of trying, call her. Ok, so we kept trying. While working at Humana I stayed stressed all the time so when I was able to quit and start at Frazier, I was so happy. I thought that with that big stressor gone, surely it would happen. Wrong again. After we bought the house, we thought ok, this is what He was waiting for. We have a new house, room for a baby, surely it will happen. The September cycle ended without a positive test. James and I were starting to get very discouraged. Why, if I'm ovulating regularly, were we not getting pregnant? Was there something wrong? We kept praying and I just couldn't figure out why He wasn't answering our prayers.

After finishing up cycle 11, I had a very very hard time. I cried a few times a week. Seeing pregnant woman and even being around kids was hard. I went to the zoo with our friend Holly and their triplets for Halloween trick or treating. I love those kids and love spending time with them, but that night was difficult because everywhere I looked, it seemed like I saw a pregnant woman. At this point, I felt empty. Eventhough I was praying, I don't think I was fully giving it up to Him. I prayed for peace and He gave it to me. I prayed for the pain to be gone and He took it away. I prayed especially hard after I called my HR department and found out infertility was completely uncovered. Infertility is unsuccesfully trying to conceive for one year. Here we were about to reach the end of our one year and we were faced with having to pay for testing and possibly treatment on our own. I prayed so hard that this cycle we would get pregnant. Last Sunday in church, I cried as I prayed with all I had for God to bless us with a pregnancy and child. He heard. He was no longer silent. He gave me such a peace that day that I honestly can't describe it. I had tremendous hope. Sunday night I noticed my boobs were sore. Typically, that is not a pms symptom, but the very few times I did experience that, it was gone at least 3 or 4 days before I was supposed to start. In keeping with my 28ish day cycles, I was expected to start Monday or maybe Tuesday. Monday came, boobs were sore, I did not start. Tuesday came, my boobs were very sore, I did not start. I still had this peace about it all. I just felt like when I decided to test, it would be positive. Wednesday came, boobs extremely sore, I still hadn't started.

Wednesday on lunch I decided to drive out to the dollar tree and buy a test. James was working overtime from 3-6 so I knew I had enough time to test and set up how I would tell him. Right after work, I went to the bathroom and took the test. I was prepared to wait the 3 minutes but I didn't have to. The wonderful pink line showed up almost instantly. I stood there in shock. I knew it was positive, but after trying a year and waiting to see one of those tests say "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT", it still had to sink in. After it hit me, I started crying and was incredibly shaky. I started praying THANK YOU!!! That moment made all the pain, disappointment and heartache we'd gone through over the last year worth it. God had a plan for us and we had to wait for His timing and His will. When I left work (driving through the tears wasn't easy) I listened to a Barlow Girls cd that had a song with a verse in it that said exactly what I needed it to say. I listened to the song over and over the entire drive home. The verse says "Praise to God on high, He has heard our cry!" It's that simple and true. I went to WalGreens to get a First Response Early Results test. I wanted to make sure the dollar tree test wasn't bad. I also bought a Clear Blue Easy digital test and a card. The kid who checked me out probably thought I was crazy. I went home, took the other two tests, saw the digital say "PREGNANT" and anxiously awaited James to get home. Back in February I bought a little onesie to give to James that says "My daddy can arrest your daddy". I filled out the card, wrote Daddy on the outside, tapped it to the front door, and set the onesie on the banister just inside the door so he wouldn't miss it. When he came home, we had the most precious and special moment of our marriage. I know that moment will change with the birth of our child, but when he came in and realized what was going on, it was wonderful. Such a blessing!

Now we are going to tell our parents and go to our first doctor's appointment. I know you're not supposed to tell people right away because you don't know what could happen, especially early on. However, we've been waiting for this moment for a long time and we want to enjoy it and share it with our families. Dad's birthday is Wednesday so we plan to tell my parents Wednesday and his parents Thursday. I'll let you know how that goes. We have our first doctor's appointment Monday Nov.17 and we're excited. Please pray for everything to be healthy.

So this is where we are. Our journey to pregnancy wasn't easy and I know pregnancy won't be easy, but we're so happy and as ready as we can be.