Wednesday, 28 December 2016

'THEY DON'T DO ENOUGH - THEY JUST SEEM TO SIT THERE'

THE Professional Footballers’
Association should work harder to help members who are going
through troubled times.

So says Ian Wright in his hard-hitting
autobiography, A Life in Football.

He states : “A lot of players or former
players don’t know what help is available to them or aren’t capable of finding
out for themselves.

“This is where the PFA should come
in. I don’t think they do nearly enough to ensure the wellbeing of footballers after they have finished playing

“We pay enough to them in our
careers, and they get a cut of TV money,
but they don’t instigate the sort of help so many players need.”

“The PFA just seems to sit there.

Gordon Taylor has been chief executive since before Iwas playing, and I don’t know what he does
apart from turn up at functions every now and again, show his face and do his spiel.

“The PFA
doesn’t seem to offer help unless you
phone up and chase them.”

Originally from Brockley in South London, the author (52), is a hero to many fans - especially
those of the two clubs with whom he enjoyed his longest periods in the game, CrystalPalace and Arsenal.

But unlike most footballers’ autobiographies,
his book is less a catalogue ofcolourful
and light-heartedexperiences and
morea serious narrative about how his
life and career have developed - the downs as well as the ups.

Along the way, he provides insights
about various aspects of football, including the role of agents for whom, by
and large, he seems to have little time.

“There are more bad ones than good,”he
says. “On the purely practical side, nobody needs an agent - they do nothing
that a solicitor or accountant can’t do.

“When a player gets an agent, all he is doing is giving that person the opportunity to be a middleman to make money for himself
which, in the majority of cases, is all he does.

“Agents are like glorified hotel
concierges. They answer the phone and fix up little things, but they do not
necessarily advance a player’s career or make sure he still has one.”

Elsewhere in the book, the author is
warm about many past playing colleagues, including Tony Finnigan and Mark
Bright - with both of whom he was closeat Palace - but he is red-hot in his admiration for former Arsenal team-
and room-mate Dennis Bergkamp, both in the way he played and in the manner he
conducted himself off the field.

This fascinating book also includes
many tributes - including a whole chapter of dedication - to another Arsenal
player of yesteryear, the later David
Rocastle (who also happened to be a Palace fan).

Managers who earn plaudits include
Steve Coppell, George Graham and Arsene Wenger, but he was much less keen on
Bruce Rioch whose rigorously disciplinarian approach tended not to bring out
the best in players.

There is very little in the way of
score-settling, but Wrighty reveals that when he first joined
Palace on a three-month contract in 1985, he had a bad time at the hands of a
clique of older players led by goalkeeper George Wood, Micky Droy and Jim Cannon.

“Jim Cannon was the worst,”he
maintains. “The big Scottish centre half had been at the club forever and behaved
like the playground bully, always ready with a little dig or snide remark.

“It seemed like every time I thought
I was making progress, he was there to knock me down.”

Friction between the pair boiled
over one morning in a training ground spat which involved punches being thrown.

Another episode came after a match
at GrimsbyTown where visiting players always used to receive a parting gift of a large
fresh fish to take home.

In the hope that it would placate Cannon,
Wright acceded to a request to hand his fish over even though he knew the gift
would have delighted his mum

To no avail. “Jim Cannon took the fish, then
on Monday was back to his regular, miserable bullying self.”

Memories of another player, Liverpool’s Steve McMahon, are also less than happy because of the poor welcome
given to him on his first day training with the England squad following his call-up.

“He was really horrible - he went out of his way to be nasty.”

Later on duty for their respective
clubs, there was an unpleasant clash between the duo resulted in the midfielder requiring
stitches for a studs injury to his groin

For a while, near the end of his playing
career (when he was on the books of West Ham), the author xsimultaneously enjoyed a spell as
chat show host on ITV’s Friday Night’s All
Wright which introduced him to such entertainments stars as singer Lionel
Richie and actors Will Smith and Denzel Washington (but brought criticism from
another chat show host, Michael Parkinson).

Other programmes included Surviving The Kalahari in 2002 which was
“just frightening” - not least because it put him in peril from lions,
hyenasand elephants.

“Me a boy from Brockley - camping
close to a water hole that wild animals were going to head for,”he recalls.“It
was terrifying, but I loved that sort of thing because it was a test.”

But this line of stardom of proved
to be a cul-de-sac, and the author much prefers doing what he does now - providing
football analysis for various TV and radio companies.

When he started, he was encouraged by
producers to be something of a studio jester, but this brought criticism from
viewers so his style now is much more measured and serious.

“In the world of punditry, being on Match of The Day is the equivalent of
playing in the Champions League,”he says.

“There is a Caribbean saying that luck is what happens when opportunity meets preparation

“I’ll work as hard as it takes to
stay on top of being the best pundit out there.”

*Ian Wright: My Life in Football is published by Littlebrown at £18.99.

Monday, 19 December 2016

WHENEVER he hears the song, Going Underground by The Jam, high-profile BBC and ITV
sports presenter John Inverdale is transported back to Lincoln coach
station.

That was the Top 40 song he heard being played as he was
preparing to make his way back home to Bristol after landing his first job in
journalism - as a cub reporter on the Lincolnshire Echo.

It was
in the early 1980s, and Inverdale, who had just graduated with a history degree from
the University of Southampton and a diploma in journalism from Cardiff
Institute, had been finding it particularly hard to land his first reporter's
job in the wake of turmoil in the newspaper industry following a showdown
between the print unions and the new Thatcher government.

"I wrote to
every UK newspaper listed in Willings Press Guide, but to no avail," he told an
audience in Cleethorpes, North East Lincolnshire. "I even got the cold shoulder from a title in
Stornoway."

Then, from out of the blue, came an interview offer from the
Lincoln-based newspaper.

"The first question, the Editor asked me was:
"What does Market Rasen mean to you?"

"Horse racing,"
I said.

"You've got the job,"came back the reply, after which the rest of
the interview was to settle the formalities.

Unusually for a young man,
Inverdale had been a racing fan since teenage years - partly because of a
sustained period of illness which kept him off school (like John Cleese, he went
to Clifton College).

In those days, racing was the only programme screened on
daytime TV, so he used to follow the action from Kempton, Sandown, Thirsk and
elsewhere.He became so enamoured that, some time later, he bunked off lessons and
caught a train from Bristol to the Cheltenham Festival, praying that he would
not be seen by anyone who knew him.Opposite him in the carriage was a man whose face was hidden behind the broadsheet racing
newspaper, The Sporting Life. When he lowered it, horror of horrors,
who should the man be but his English teacher?Master and pupil were equally embarrassed but they struck a pact - "if you
don't tell, I won't tell" - that they sustained to the rest of Inverdale's time
as a schoolboy.To this day, he remains a racing enthusiast and rates National Hunt racing his
second favourite sport after rugby union - with the Six Nations rugby tournament
and the Cheltenham Festival as the highlights of his sporting year.

For
Inverdale, a pretty mouth-watering annual calendar it is too, starting with the
Australian open tennis in January and taking in other top events such as
Wimbledon, athletics and Ryder Cup golf.

This year has proved particularly
special because it also incorporated the Rio Olympics and scintillating Ryder Cup
action where the fervour of the crowd brought out the best in some of the
players, with two particularly memorable matches.

There was an audience of about 100 for the highly entertaining pie and pea
supper event held at Cleethorpes cricket club.

Inverdale spoke highly of
the inspirational on-field leadership of the likes of Michael Vaughan (cricket)
and Martin Johnson (rugby union), plus the entertaining laugh-a-minute
personality of Boris Becker (whom he predicted, may no longer be coach of
Novak Djokovic for much longer).

John McEnroe is also a great raconteur, not just
about tennis but also about his other interests, including wine and music. But,
because he is so self-absorbed, he might not be best company if you were within
him for an hour in a stuck lift.

Inverdale spoke entertainingly (if
slightly ruefully) about an eight minute slot he had during one of his
BBC interview shows with footballer Sol Campbell, then captain of Spurs.

The
club's, Alan Sugar, had only just sacked Swiss manager Christian Gross, sohaving Campbell as a guest was particularly topical.

But the footballer,
who had earlier refused to share a sofa with the two previous guests,
Wimbledon. champion Goran Ivanisevic and gymnastics Olympic gold medalist Nadia
Comaneci, stonewalled all questions about Gross' departure.

"I don't want
to talk about it - these things happen in football." That was about the limit of
Campbell's responses.

Nor was he much more forthcoming about an
underwhelming England performance in a recent international against mediocre
opposition.

In response, Inverdale determined not to ask the footballer
about a. newly-launched DVD that Campbell was keen to promote.

Sol Campbell - uncommunicative

But, with
the "conversation" threatening to dry up, a voice on his earphone him told that
there was two minutes still to fill.

Inverdale found he had little option
but to ask about the DVD - at which point Campbell became suddenly loose-tongued
and effusive.

"I hated myself afterwards for giving him the opportunity," revealed
Inverdale. "I had given in and let him beat me. Thinking about it today still makes
me angry."

It is common practice now for TV sports coverage, especially
football programmes, to be hosted by past or present participants.

Inverdale acknowledged that their firsthand insider experience of sport
was invaluable, but he said there was also a role for journalists who, through their
training, knew how, why and when to ask the sort of questions that sports
participants might shy away from - the questions most likely to prompt revealing
insights.

Of the analysts he admired, he expressed particular respect for
rugby union's Jonathan Davies because he has a knack of seeing in advance what
is going to happen.

"If Scotland aren't careful, Ireland are likely to score in the corner," he
once said. And, sure enough, moments later, that is just what
happened.

During a lively question-and-answer session, Inverdale, who is chairman of Esher
rugby club, near his home in Kingston-upon-Thames, also spoke of his admiration
for England's head rugby union coach, Eddie Jones, the demise of England's
football team, the Allardyce affair, the corrosion of athletics and cycling by
drugs, security at football grounds and the future of sport in a TV-dominated
age.

He suspected that the decision of golf's governing body to award
broadcasting coverage rights to Sky may have backfired.

Although the transfer generated a short-term cash boost, the
profile of the game has suffered because events such as the Open are now watched by 800,000 viewers
compared with between three and four million when it was on BBC
TV.

Inverdale was quizzed about an incident when he
famously landed himself in hot water (especially with feminists) by
describing 2013 Wimbledon ladies'
singles champion Marion Bartoli as "not a looker".

The following day, he had the unsettling experience of having photographers
camped outside his front door - a case of the media turning on one of its
own.

"It was not a pleasant experience," he said. "Bartoli has since
become a good friend. My remark was misinterpreted.

"I was praising her for her determination. She didn't have the the
long levers of Maria Sharapova or the strength of Serena Williams, but she
showed what could be achieved through sheer determination."

More
recently there was an incident when Sir Steve Redgrave walked out of a studio he
was sharing with Inverdale during Olympic coverage of the rowing.

It was
reported in the tabloid Press as having been the result of a bust-up between the
two men, but, according to Inverdale, it was nothing of the sort - it was
prompted by Sir Steve's frustration that the rowing coverage would have to be
cut short because time was overrunning.

Of his time in Lincolnshire in the early '80s,
Inverdale said he loved the county's skies and always volunteered to carry out
reporting assignments in places such as Boston and Sutton-on-Sea because he
enjoyed the drive east from from Lincoln.

On summer weekends, he played
cricket for Lincoln on both Saturdays and Sundays. "No wonder I didn't have a
girlfriend," he quipped.

Then, when he did get a girlfriend (by now he was working for
BBC Radio Lincolnshire), he was heartbroken when the relationship
ended.

To help him get over it, he went with a group of pals to
Cleethorpes - his first visit to the resort - where they succeeded in their dual
intention of watching the carnival and getting drunk.

"It was a
blisteringly hot day in August 1983," he recalled.

Now married to Jackie
and with two Chelsea-supporting sons, aged 24 and 22, plus a daughter who works for Nike, the
59-year-old follows Southampton and Lincoln City, but he also has a soft spot for Grimsby Town.

He
said he was full of admiration for fans who would be getting up at 6am the
next day to make the long trip for match at Yeovil.

"Even if Town lose 2-1 to a hotly-disputed goal in the last minute, fans
won't regret having made the journey,"he said. "That's the passion of sport for
you."

Inverdale also had an amusing anecdote about playing in a celebrity
cricket match against a team captained by Eric Clapton in what the legendary
rock guitarist had announced would be his last match.

Inevitably most of
the crowd wanted Clapton to score plenty of runs in his final innings, but he
skied the second ball to cover where Inverdale was fielding.

"The ball
was so high that the broadcaster had time to ask former Test player Mark
Ramprakash, fielding at mid-off, what he should do.

"Drop the ball!"came back the reply.

The advice was taken, allowing
Clapton to prolong his innings till he reached 20 or so before losing his
wicket.

Inverdale acknowledged that he had been very "lucky" in his career, but
there was one misjudgement for which he is still kicking himself.

He
turned down an offer to cough up £5,000 for a half-share in the racehorse, Make
A Stand.

With its winnings approaching £1-million, it was a decision he
came to bitterly regret - not least when he found himself commentating at the
1997 Cheltenham Festival, when the horse was running in the prestigious Champion
Hurdle.

Although the horse was owned by his close friend, Peter Deal,
this was a race that Inverdale did not want the pocket-sized chestnut to win -
it would have been rubbing further salt into the wound.

"Even as I was describing the action, I was inwardly praying for it to
fall."

But Make A Stand, trained by Martin Piper, surged to a famous victory,
further enhancing the sour lemons taste in Inverdale's mouth.

"I try not
to think about that horse too much," he said. "But If only . . .

Saturday, 17 December 2016

"I sometimes dreaded my stints on the pitch. I often spent that 90-minute period wavering between fear and loathing. . . for me too many games would be endured, not enjoyed."

Astonishingly, this is the reflection on the last days of his refereeing career of Howard Webb, the man who was so highly regarded in the middle that his numerous high-profile achievements included the most illustrious appointment of all - a World Cup final

Of his last season in the Premier League, Webb says the "vast majority" of matches wore him out "mentally and sometimes physically".

He found his enthusiasm of earlier, happier times being sapped (especially after "a bad decision or a poor performance") by the flak that inevitably ensued - "mobbing by players, taunting from the terraces, intimidation by managers, pastings in the media and lost sleep".

On top of that there was the toll, not least from constant travel home and overseas, on his domestic life.

When he was making his way in the game and climbing the refereeing ladder, the benefits outweighed the disadvantages, but now it seemed the balance had shifted.

Ironically, almost from the days he quit, moments of regret set in.

"I found it tough," he confides."I struggled a lot."I missed the spirit and camaraderie.

"Sometimes I found myself yearning for my old life in middle."

Webb's candid revelations come in his deservedly-acclaimed autobiography The Man in The Middle.

What shines through, in a world of sports celebrity ego, is his personal modesty, his refusal to blow his own trumpet, his willingness to admit to mistakes and regrets, his gentle humour and his generosity in speaking highly of others - not least his parents, Billy and Sylvia, and his own family - wife Kay and children, Lucy, Jack and Hollie.

Among those in the game, past or present, who receive his plaudits are Glenn Hoddle and Ian Wright.

Wright, for example, is described as being "among the nicest people in sport - a top, top fella".

Meanwhile, he says that Hoddle is "ridiculously friendly, humble and down to earth".

Other notably good guys in the game, at least in Webb's book, include Patrice Evra, Per Mertesacker, Phil Jagielka, Scott Parker, Frank Lampard, the late Gary Speed, the Italian goalkeeper, Gianlugi Buffon, and (to a extent!) even Robbie Savage and Joey Barton.

Of the hundreds of footballers he has met, he says "the vast majority" proved to be "decent people and model professionals".

He notes: "They did their job and I did mine, and we tried to work together as best we could."

But Webb is particularly glowing, repeatedly so in his praise of two unsung assistant referees, Darren Cann and Mike Mullarkey, who ran the line for him in many matches, both domestic and foreign, including the Spain v Netherlands World Cup Final on July 11, 2010.

He reckons that it was their ability, professionalism and moral support that helped propel him to the pinnacle of the game.

Unlike other referees who have penned their autobiographies, Webb mostly holds back from the temptation of settling scores - except in the cases of David Moyes and Craig Bellamy.

He recalls how the former once described him as a "f-ing disgrace" in the tunnel and how the same manager "appeared to have a deep loathing for refs and would often send in his assistants to harangue us on his behalf".

Bellamy, meanwhile, once yelled at him "you, f-ing sh-house" in full earshot of everyone in both technical areas.

Says Webb "I remember thinking, at the time, there weren't many more obnoxious players around than Craig Bellamy."

Other tricky characters, probably for all referees, include Neil Warnock and Steve Evans - both of whom, ironically, have managed Rotherham United, Webb's hometown club which he has supported since childhood (and of which he is now an honorary ambassador).

He also recalls an "awkward" moment once while shaking hands with player-turned-pundit Alan Shearer in the Match of The Day studios. "I noticed that while his mouth was smiling, his eyes were not."

What also makes the book so impressive - valuable even - is that the author "comes out" on his ongoing struggles with the part-psychological/ part neurological disorder OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Had it it had been known about by the domestic and international football authorities during his time as a referee, it is quite possible this condition - possibly reflecting inner insecurities - would have delayed or even halted his career.

He describes how negative thoughts which would intrude into mind prior to matches could generally (but not aways) be banished if he tapped on doors, walls or floors or even kept removing and replacing his shirt, sometimes as many as six or more times.

Recognising that this was potentially distracting to his assistant linesmen who were themselves geeing themselves up for the match, he would even lock himself in the loo while performing his strange rituals.

He says: "Given time and inner strength, I'm sure that I will be able to talk publicly about my OCD.

"I am aware that there are thousands of fellow-sufferers who may identify with my situation, and I think I'd like to help raise awareness of what can be a much-misunderstood and much-maligned condition.

"I spent years believing I was a crazy weirdo, and I'd hate to think that others with similar symptoms are feeling the same."

Webb's frankness, albeit preliminary, in describing his strange disorder, which he may never totally overcome, will doubtless encourage others who face the same challenge and may also lead to progress in how it can best be treated.

Throughout the book, the author has only the warmest words to say about the support from his mum, Sylvia, and his ex-miner father, Billy, himself a former , who encouraged Howard to take up the whistle, aged 18.

An undercurrent of the book, of which Webb is probably unaware, is that much of his motivation may have been prompted by a desire to please his father, a collier who spent a decade underground.

Webb was not always kind to his son when watching him play for such boyhood clubs as Bethel Rovers.

Unimpressed by his lad's readiness to shy away from tough tackles and shirk headed challenges, Webb Senior would describe him as a " big girl's blouse" - hardly the best way to inspire a young player.

"I hated getting stuck in and tended to shy away from crunching tackles,"confesses Howard. "Unusually for someone so tall, I was pretty cr-p in the air and dreaded going up for headers."

But despite the brickbats, a strong bond always prevailed between father and son, such that the former would often travel with him to matches, later dispensing post-match encouragement in times good and bad.

On one fateful journey, Billy fell asleep at the steering wheel and their car ended up in dyke at the side of the A1 road near Worksop.

The book will be fabulously helpful to other referees especially those starting out in the game because the author is so forthcoming about his stinkers and about the challenges of managing the pressure (and often downright spitefulness) from players, managers, fans, media pundits and sometimes even from fellow referees.

He recalls a "particularly troublesome" match in December, 2004, at Goodison Park between Everton and Bolton where he allowed himself to be swayed by the febrile atmosphere.

At around about the 30-minute mark - often a critical point in a referee's match control - he found himself "starting to hide which is a cardinal sin for my profession".

He says: "Rather than being intimidated by my surroundings, I should have. maintained the courage of my convictions, but I failed to do so.

"I was, to coin a phrase, bottling it. The game went from bad to worse, and I just wanted to go home."

Later, Webb refers to an observation from a respected Scottish ex-referee, Hugh Dallas, who compared refereeing to "riding a horse you've never met before".

Either it will prove docile or it will misbehave - and only experience will tell you how to handle the reins.

Advice from another referee,George Courtney, was along the lines of "to succeed as a ref, you've got to be prepared to be a b-stard without being a c-nt".

He notes that the midpoint of the first half can be a good time to show a first yellow card and he emphasises the importance of alertness from the very first second of the match - otherwise a situation can "slap you in the face when you're not ready for it".

Another referee, Graham Poll, also offered wise advice. In European matches, players tend not to respect referees who seek to communicate too much. They see it as a sign of weakness. What they respect is a card.

"If I was to keep UEFA happy, I needed to adjust my style and adapt my mode of communication,"says Webb. No more blah, blah, blah, essentially."The author is also revealing about the cliques, factions and rivalries that existed in the refereeing world in his early days as a Premier League official.

On the one side, there was the so-called "red wine club" consisting of southerners such as Graham Poll, Paul Durkin, Rob Styles, Mike Dean and Andy D'Urso, while, on the other side, were (from the Midlands and the North) Jeff Winter, Mark Halsey, Mike Riley, Neale Barry, Steve Bennett and Barry Knight.

In the middle were the likes of Webb, Alan Wiley, Dermot Gallagher, Matt Massias and Uriah Rennie.

On one occasion, simmering tensions between Poll and Halsey turned particularly nasty, resulting in an unseemly ruckus between the two which only ended when Rennie dragged them apart.

Mike Dean is revealed to be something of a "prankster" while Lee Mason is a joker with a knack for impersonating players, managers and officials.

However, at the referees' Christmas party at St George's Park in Staffordshire, the latter tends to specialise in impressions of Bruce Forsyth and Leslie Crowther.

For much of his career, Webb combined refereeing with serving South Yorkshire police, first as a constable, then (he was promoted in June, 2000) as a sergeant.

On his first day on foot patrol, based in Doncaster (the most enjoyable period of his policing career), he recalls his attempts to restrain a drunk which, until back-up arrived, culminated in both men grappling on the ground in the town centre - watched by onlookers, many of whom were cheering on the drunk!

On another occasion, there was even more danger when he was part of a team dealing with an armed robbery.

Often, his police training helped him on the football field. As he says: "I don't think it's a coincidence that many refs are coppers or teachers adept at managing discipline resolving conflict and enforcing rules and regulations."

What is required is the mettle to make quick decisions within tight frames, the self-control to keep calm when the heart is thumping and the capacity to take action without dithering.

Between school and joining the police, Webb also had a five-year spell working for the Rotherham branch of Yorkshire Bank (where he first met Kay whom he married in July, 1995, at Whiston parish church).

But he founded banking work humdrum and left under a cloud after a particularly foolish escapade involving what he scribbled in complimentary diaries provided for customers

But back to the football - specifically the World Cup Final.

Webb provides fascinating insights both into the pre-match preparations in the dressing room and into the match itself.

With four yellow cards in the first 22 minutes, it proved to be a difficult and draining match - one he does not look back on with any pleasure.

But, in his assesssment, he is almost certainly too hard on himself. Most of the millions who watched the match on TV will probably have felt that it was not the officials but the players, especially some of the Dutch, who let down both themselves and the integrity of such a showcase occasion.

The book is also full of amusing anecdotes - for instance, the occasion when Peter Walton forgot to take his disciplinary cards on to the pitch.

When it came to cautioning Jordan Mutch, then with Birmingham City, he flourished an imaginary yellow card - then continued the charade by putting the "card" back in his pocket.

He is also illuminating on the apprehension experienced by match officials (including assistant referees) in advance of TV's Match of The Day, especially if they have made one or more serious errors.

What about now? Webb could have enjoyed another couple of years in the middle but felt it was correct to get out while still at the top.

For a while, he worked for the PGMOL (Professional Game Match Officials Ltd) but found his role unsatisfactory because it was ill-defined. He used to find himself "mooching about like a spare part".

In particular, he says he became increasingly "hacked off" that officials were seen - and often verbally battered in the media - but were never heard. The PGMOL offered officials no platform, often for fear of ruffling the feathers of Premier League managers.

Webb is happier in what he does now, combining studio work as a refereeing analyst for BT Sport with working 12 days a month (he is midway through a three-year contract improving refereeing standards for the Saudi FA).

What about the future. Webb has twice been asked to stand as a prospective Labour MP - for Barnsley Central and for Rotherham - but declined

His ex-miner dad had been a paid up member of the National Union of Mineworkers, and the pair had always held socialist values, but he felt a life in parliament would have consumed his whole life and that nailing his political colours to the mast might have alienated some friends and colleagues.

This review of an exceptionally readable book would not be complete without a word of praise for Stockport-based ghostwriter Joanne Lake who played a key role in the project.

Her imaginative and colouful knack with words, phraseology and structure is impeccable - as evidenced in the opening paragraph of Chapter Nine where Webb is at pains to quash the rumour that he had a soft spot for Manchester United.

"Let's get something straight once and for all,"he says."Contrary to what you might have seen on the internet, I have never shared a bed with Sir Alex Ferguson. There is no statue of me outside Old Trafford. My kids are not called Rio, Wayne and Christiano. There is no Red Devil tattoo inked on my left buttock. The only United I have evcer supported - hand on heart - is of the Rotherham variety. And that's the whole truth and nothing but the truth."

Marvellous stuff! This title surely deserves to be voted Sports Book of The Year.

TOUGHEST MATCHAn FA Trophy match between Droylsden FC and Belper FC. "It was an unmitigated disaster from beginning to end.Within minutes of kick off I had lost total control. It became one of those games - all refs have had them - where my performance slowly, painfully and publicly nosedived. I was out of my depth. That match gave me cold sweats and sleepless nights for weeks afterwards."

FIRST FOOTBALL LEAGUE MATCHDarlington v Exeter City on Aug 19, 2000.PREMIER LEAGUE DEBUTFulham v Wolves on Oct 18, 2003.

LAST PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHHull v Everton on May 11, 2014.FAVOURITE PREMIER LEAGUE VENUEHull. He likes the people, and his sister, Claire, went to Hull University - and it is not far from his home in Rotherham. By coincidence, he refereed the last match to be played at Hull's former Boothferry Park ground and the first to be played at the KC stadium.

NUMBER OF PREMIER LEAGUE MATCHES REFEREED298.

BIKE OWNED AS A 13-YEAR-OLDRaleigh Grifter.

Howard Webb: Man in The Middle is published at £20 by Simon & Schuster: