Common Sales Ailments — DeWese

Both prizes have secret selection committees and the winners get big cash prizes.

No one has ever won both prizes in the same year. I will be the first.

“Mañana Man’s Anatomy” is the print salesperson’s version of “Gray’s Anatomy” for physicians. “Gray’s Anatomy” is all about the human anatomy and has pictures of various body parts! It’s now in its 39th printing. Wow! That’s the kind of popularity I’m seeking.

There is also a TV show called Grey’s Anatomy. I have never seen it, but maybe it’s as good as the book. Perhaps somebody will make a TV series out of my book.

“Mañana Man’s Anatomy” is the result of my research on print salespeople to learn what causes their

failures. Many of these failures are now employed elsewhere but, just maybe, my book will help the remaining potential failures. I have identified many diseases that afflict salespeople and found that most of them are mental.

Here’s a sampling of what you’ll find in the “Mañana Man’s Anatomy.” I have given all these diseases scientific names to impress the Nobel selection committee.

The first disease, Mañana Procrastinitis Noworka (MPN), is the most prevalent. MPN is easily diagnosed by observing the salesperson’s car sitting in the company parking lot every day, ALL DAY LONG! Frequently the vehicle arrives well after 9 a.m. and departs well before 5 p.m. Company payroll records will indicate that the salesperson has never earned commissions in excess of his beloved draw.

Not-so Busy Work

This salesperson can be seen at his desk making lists, creating new file folders, surreptitiously working crossword puzzles and, even more furtively, reading cheap paperback novels.

A careful analysis of this MPN salesperson’s past will reveal that he has never possessed ambition or any semblance of a work ethic. Selling printing is just too hard for a MPN. He should either be shot or given a job as a border guard protecting the border between North and South Dakota.