Monday, December 31

XXX

Just kill me, please?

Nobody knows how lonely I am at this very time of the year except me, myself and I. I just feel like it's a normal day... well, night. Except that it's not this noisy every time.Well, it happens every holidays - Christmas and New Years. I've never been so happy for those days. I'd probably be if I won't celebrate in this deep shit, null and worthless house. I can't call this a home. Y'all know how different those terms are, right? The only ones who may probably know the reasons why I act this way are those who are close to me.

As a preview, I'll tell a little background about me and my family. I'm an only child. Some people say that it's the greatest thing ever, but for me, it isn't. Never. Being an only child gives me some perks of having some (not all) of the things I want. But that's just it! Being an only child gives me hell. All the fucking attention are on me, on everything I do or say. It's not funny. I didn't have a childhood. I remember some memories when I was still a kid but they're of no value, really.

That sneak-peek is probably enough for me to show how rubbish and hideous my life is. Anyway, this is all about this holiday so this is gonna be real quick.

Fuck new years because nothing's really changing in my life. I'm still celebrating in this dark house and all of this is fake, fake, fake and FAKE. I'm just not that happy, you know. I've been so bitter, acting and pretending like everybody else saying a Happy New Year to each other online. Do these people know what's happening here inside our house? Does
anybody know? No one. It's just the three of us and you won't believe it
until you're one of our neighbors or relatives.

I'm acting tougher and tougher every time, but I know how messed up this life is for all of us in the family. Yeah, they can put the blame on me but all my curses are on them, especially him. It's hard to be tough but there's no room for the weak here.

And, for the record, this holiday is so far the most OK.

But there's one thing that's really bothering me most... where's my baby? No sign of her. You shouldn't be an addition to my heavy loads this new year. You should be the one calming me down, but where the fuck are you?