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its all about me and my life.

Happy 40th Birthday.

Today is her birthday. Her 40th birthday which she isn’t there to celebrate. We will sit in silence; no party, no mischief, no alarms going off at 12 a.m., nothing.

I miss her. I miss the way she told me I was her little baby, I miss the way she hugged me and kissed my forehead before I slept, I miss the way she woke me up early in the morning, I miss everything about her, absolutely everything. I don’t know whether to cry or laugh or just be happy or silent, I am lost.

I want her to be with me at this very moment, because I need her. I need her beside me to teach that life ain’t going to be easy. I need her here to teach me all that I would need to know. I need her to be my support, I am incomplete without her. I don’t want to be lost in life, and so I need you, mum.

The words still ring in my ears… Don’t ever be afraid, my baby, I will always guide you from here, from above. I will support you with each step you take, I will correct you, help you… But I never be afraid because mumma loves you, darling, and I always will.

I sat there, wiping her tears, caressing her face, trying to be strong, trying to prepare myself mentally for what was going to happen in a few days… I held her hand, afraid it might hurt her. My heart pained. It still does.

I’d do anything for her to come back. It’s her 40th birthday today. I wish she was alive for us to celebrate it. I miss you, mum and I love you. I just hope you are happy wherever you are. I love you. Happy 40th Birthday.