As a child I was always very anxious and used to worry about all kinds of things such as dying or having a terminal illness or a war breaking out etc....

Question

As a child I was always very anxious and used to worry about all kinds of things such as dying or having a terminal illness or a war breaking out etc.

As a teenager I used to get very anxious about physical things such as what if I stopped breathing.

This used to cause me to be aware of my breathing and I used to then get chest pains and feel all panicky.

I also used to worry about sleeping and how strange it was that people fall asleep and don't know what happens to them for all those hours at night.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

As I got older these feelings subsided although I used to get occasional bouts of anxiety during stressful times such as taking exams or finishing a relationship.

This led me to have panic attacks that I learnt to deal with after seeing my GP.

On the whole however I've been ok and been leading a fairly normal life until this year. I lost my father in March this year after a short fight against cancer.

MOST POPULAR

We were very close and his last few days were very distressing as he was in so much pain.

For the first few weeks after his death I coped fairly well, however at the end of June these awful feelings started coming back particularly about falling asleep and have not gone away for the past four months and I feel terrible.

I get very panicky at bedtime and on a few occasions have got so worried that I have actually vomited through panic.

Some nights aren’t too bad but others I lie there terrified of falling asleep thinking how scary it is that we have no control over it and don’t know what happens to us while we sleep.

It’s become a vicious circle because I get so tired due to being up late but am too scared to sleep. I feel embarassed writing this because it sounds really silly but it’s really getting me down .

I wake up some mornings feeling so down and find myself being really snappy or other times I just can't stop crying for no particular reason.

Please can you offer me some advice, I currently have a new doctor whom I don't find very approachable and feel that I can't burden my family with these silly anxieties as they are suffering and grieving too.

Answer

If something happens to us that echoes feelings and thoughts we had as children, it can affect us particularly badly.

Of course children do worry about inexplicable things like where we come from and why we die. But it sounds as if you had a greater preoccupation with these subjects than many kids do.

However, I note that as a young adult you learned to control panic attacks with help from your GP of that time. I also note that you have a new GP and that you don't find him/her very approachable.

So the first thing I feel you should do is to see if there is another doctor in that practice with whom you feel more comfortable – and you should ask to see that person.

If this doesn’t work out, I strongly urge you to change GPs. It is pointle both for you and the doctor – if that essential rapport isn't there when you are clearly in need of help.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

You see, I do feel you need some medical treatment. This might take the form of medication or of one of the talking therapies, but to get it you have to start with a GP.

So please try to work out how you can best do this. However, I also suggest that you contact Cruse Bereavement Care, which is the organisation for bereaved people.

They are the experts in grief counselling and I feel sure they'll be able to help you. They have groups up and down the country and they also have a phone help line.

By contacting the National Phobics Society you will be able to get a kind of refresher course in dealing with panicky feelings.

I also suggest that you might like to read a book by the highly respected agony aunt, Virginia Ironside.

The death of her father affected her very deeply and as a result she wrote: 'You'll get over it'. This book is published by Hamish Hamilton.

It is not a book that offers platitudes, instead it is a very honest portrait of bereavement , but many people have been relieved to read it and have found comfort as a consequence.

Please try to accept that what you are going through is very substantial distress. You say you are suffering from 'silly anxieties' – but nothing could be further from the truth.

You are so sad and distressed that I am sure many experts would classify you as clinically depressed. So please do see your doctor, and also please try these other self-help suggestions.

Finally, let me say that it is only eight months since your father died quite suddenly, You had a huge shock, and this will take time to get over.

In the meantime, it's important that you treat yourself and your feelings with great kindness and care.

The horror of this time will pass. I hope you will see it as the first step on your road to recovery. And hopefully the information and advice we're suggesting will propel you further along that road.

The destination of that road is somewhere you can feel happiness and peace again. I hope you'll arrive there before long.

The materials in this web site are in no way intended to replace the professional medical care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a doctor. The web site does not have answers to all problems. Answers to specific problems may not apply to everyone. If you notice medical symptoms or feel ill, you should consult your doctor - for further information see our Terms and conditions.

Getting healthy just got a whole lot easier

Don't miss out on the latest healthy living news and inspiration direct to your inbox.

Enter your email address:

this is a test error

We will also let you know about discounts and great offers from us, tick this box if you'd rather not know about these.
Hearst Partners would like to let you know about some of their fantastic discounts, special offers, and promotions. We promise you wont be bombarded. Tick here if you would like to receive these.