Friday, May 16, 2014

I’ve been looking for a seasonal job since I don’t work at or
get paid from the school during the summer break when kids aren’t in attendance. I
didn’t go to college so my options are limited to summer jobs that pay minimum
wage. Perfect for a teenager. Not so perfect for a single mom trying to support
a family of 7. Still, you gotta do what you gotta do, so I started filling out
applications. Almost all of them required me to upload a resume. I don’t have a
resume. I don’t think I’ve ever made
a resume. How do you write a resume???

I searched online for templates and chose a simple-looking
one. Okay, now to fill it out.

CONTACT INFORMATION: Piece of cake!

Dawn Meehan, address, phone number, dawn@dawnmeehan.com

JOB OBJECTIVE:To make enough money to pay my bills while doing pretty much anything (as long as my responsibilities don't include cleaning up puke.) Perhaps I could be paid
for surfing Pinterest?

To make a 6 figure income doing something I don’t hate.

EDUCATION:Well, I
didn’t go to college. Should I list high school? That was a million years ago.
It looks pretty empty with just high school there. How about junior high and
grade school? That’s probably not really relevant to my current job search,
huh? How closely do you think they check these things?

Harvard University, class of 1992

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY:Hmmmm, how to describe my current job?

OCPS Middle School. Duties include nagging lazy kids to do their
freaking work, listening to excuses as to why students are tardy, trying to
decipher writing that looks like it was done by trained monkeys, listening to students complain "Why I gotta do this? My teacher be trippin'. I been done this", and endlessly explaining why it’s important to get a good education to kids who
think it's pointless to go to school.

SKILLS AND ABILITIES:I can type 75 wpm. That's not very much to write, is it? I'm sure I can think of a few more skills. Hmmm, let's see . . .

I can communicate
without sounding like a moron, I can juggle lots of stuff, I can use (and have a sizeable following in) social media including Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook, I can read
music, I can put medicine on a squirming
Guinea Pig, I can hit my snooze a dozen times, wake up late, and still get to work on time, I can name all the states in alphabetical order, I can quote any episode from The Office, Seinfeld, or Friends, and I can balance a spoon on my nose.

ACTIVITIES AND HONORS:I don't have time for activities and I haven't done anything worth honoring. What can I come up with so this section isn't completely blank?

I'm the team mom for my daughter's cheer squad, I got a first place medal for a duet I sang in 8th grade, I won a Young Authors Contest in 5th grade, and I’m on level 244 of Candy Crush.

REFERENCES AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST. Boy, I sure hope they
don’t request.

I can see my prospective employers right now.

“I know she doesn’t have a degree in business, nor does she
have any experience, but I want to hire her for the manager position simply
because she is capable of putting medicine on a squirming Guinea Pig!”

“Well, she may not have gone to medical school, but I think
we should hire her for the Chief of Surgery position based solely on her Candy
Crush accomplishments!”

Dawn, if you can type 75 wpm and multitask, contact a temp agency to see if you can get some office positions. Data entry, receptionist, filing, typing, etc. in air conditioning (with regular hours) might be OK work for you. Temp agencies helped me get through college and grad school. I found them good to work for.

Tailor your resume to the job, i.e. if it's a job where you think your abilities to write come in handy, emphasize that aspect. If it's one where dealing with the public is important emphasize your abilities with getting kids to do what they are told (lie if you have to ;-)).

Hi Dawn,If you are still in need of assistance with your resume I would love to help. One of our Career Coaches would be happy to help you achieve your success. Check us out at www.trifectacoachinginc.com or call 617-506-7248