Healing from drug and alcohol addiction, as well as depression

A. K. (42), Kassel (Germany)

In the year 1986, at 27 years of age, I began to smoke hashish. Two years later LSD was added. After my divorce I was with another woman for two years. When that also came to nothing I became very depressed. I was listless, irritable, always tired and often felt dejected. Before I had completely come to terms with the first separation the pain of the second one came along. During this period I got to know some people who dealt in hard drugs (heroin, cocaine). After awhile I, too, sniffed a noseful of cocaine. This first contact with cocaine broke down a kind of fear barrier, and shortly thereafter, I was sniffing heroin. Then I got heroin, opium and cocaine on my own. Since it was too expensive in the long run for me and I didn’t want to become criminal, I grew my own opium (opium poppies) as well as psychogenic mushrooms (Psylocybin), thorn apples and marijuana in nature and water conservation areas.

Out of the hard drugs, then, I was also taking heroin (sniffing and smoking but not injecting) and cocaine as well as downers (the tranquillizers Mandrax, Diazepam and others) and uppers (the stimulants Captagon and Ritalin). I always took the chemical substances when withdrawing and when I didn’t have any heroin or cocaine on hand.

I was completely beside myself

It went on like that with the drugs until 1991, when I was completely beside myself after my usual morning drug consumption. I saw myself twice and didn’t know which one was real. I started getting afraid. I had only one thought-"I want to live!" It was clear to me then that I had to make a decision right at that moment. I did it, threw all the drugs away and went through a six-day cold-turkey withdrawal in my flat. After that I moved and separated myself from my old friends. But I felt totally apathetic and could no longer enjoy anything. I had no goals in life and just vegetated. I lived with my grandparents. When my grandfather died in 1995 I took care of my grandmother around the clock-for the next five years. During that time-from 1995 to 2000-I worked five days a month in 24-hour shifts with the severely handicapped. Through this hard work and caring for my grandma I lost all my inner stability and soon had no more energy for my own life. At the time I was smoking hashish again and felt totally burnt out after those five years. As for the future, I saw no prospects at all. I knew that I would start with the hard drugs again after my grandma died. I started to drink wine regularly in the evenings. After a short time I switched to whiskey because of the quicker effect. Thus at the time, I needed on average 10 water-pipes full (about three grams) a day of hash and drank up to half a bottle of whiskey in the evening followed by six or seven cans of beer. After that I would feel tolerably well and could sleep.

In spite of everything I had a very strong connection to nature. I had always felt drawn to nature religions. I even spent two weeks with some Indian people and came onto the spiritual path whilst there. I perceived a power there similar to the Heilstrom but at home I didn’t have the energy to put the knowledge I had gathered into practice.

I fell into an unbearable hole

In March 2000 they threatened to fire me if I didn’t stop taking drugs. So I went on sick leave and seriously wanted to stop smoking pot and drinking. I knew that I had to decide. Out of fear of an enforced stay in a clinic for alcoholics, I found the energy to at least stop drinking. This caused an unbearable hole in me. I was always restless, couldn’t read anymore and suffered from severe mood swings. When something went wrong I would get so furious that I would break in doors and destroy things that I happened to come across. I often injured myself in the process and during those three years I had to have seven new doors installed in my flat because I had ruined them all. Then in the evening I would run around in the woods until I fell into bed completely drained. I blamed myself and swung between feelings of hate and self pity. Finally I suggested to a girlfriend that we try out a nearby Indian sweat lodge after all.

During the introduction I felt satisfied

During the sweat lodge ritual in May 2000 I got to know a lady doctor who told me about the Bruno Gröning Circle of Friends. Later on the telephone she told me more about the teaching of Bruno Gröning. It moved me so much that I couldn’t sit still anymore. I was flooded by strong feelings and inwardly I let everything go. There were streams of tears. The crying had a redeeming and cleansing effect. Then the lady doctor asked whether I wanted to be introduced to the teaching of Bruno Gröning. During the introduction three days later I felt really good; I had a pleasant physical sensation and felt satisfied.

All the bad is coming out now!

A day after the introduction my soul and body began to cleanse themselves from the long years of drug addiction. I had a feeling as if something was being pulled out of my head and out of my chest. The whole thing was very painful. I thought, "All the bad is coming out now!"

After that I didn’t want to have any more drugs in the house and five days after the introduction I incinerated all the drugs I had stored in the attic in the back yard. Since then I have been free. I no longer have any desire to take drugs. I have found my natural inner peace again so I can also calmly read a book again. I am even training at evening school to become a healing practitioner.

During the whole time from the introduction until now I have taken no drugs of any kind. I no longer have the feeling of having to fill up a hole in myself since I have felt filled by the Heilstrom. In the Community I feel understood and in good hands for the first time.

The depression and aggression have disappeared since the introduction. I attend the Community Hours and conferences of the Circle of Friends and therefore am always filled with good energy. Through this, I experience happiness and an inner peace that give my life a whole new feeling. Even when something goes against the grain I no longer feel compelled to destroy things. Today hindrances are something positive for me-an opportunity for growth.

Through the newly-found energy I now have the courage to tread new career paths and because of this I have good prospects for the future. As mentioned, I am training to be a healing practitioner. In addition, I am being trained in Shiatsu and other procedures.

Through the intensive contact with the teaching of Bruno Gröning and the daily absorption of the Heilstrom my belief has become stronger. It has become a good counsellor for me in all matters. After a long odyssey I have finally found the divine energy for which I had been searching the past 20 years.

Psychologist's Commentary:

Mr. K. normally looked to drugs in order to cope with stressful or fearful situations. On top of this he had strong mood swings and depression. This is a typical picture of an addicted personality.

Mr. K. had no further need to consume drugs or alcohol as a result of his contact with the teaching of Bruno Gröning. It is amazing from a psychologist's viewpoint that he now does einstellen to take in the Heilstrom in a disciplined and regular manner. Such an enormous change in the whole structure of a personality cannot be attained through individual psychological actions. It can only be explained through the holistic effects of a spiritual healing.