me and mr. allen morgan are dating again!!! yayaya. im so freakin happy. i wasnt even expecting it to happen right now. but im so damn happy it did. and im glad to know that allen does truely love me. and im not going to screw him over! <3

i just woke up like 30 min. ago. but i got dressed fast. man, im like tired or something. but, its ok. i dont want to go to 1st period because we have this happy hyper teacher. omg she is driving me crazy. if you know me then you know how i do that point my thumb up then down and stick out my tounge and make a noise? yea well i did that yesterday and she was like 'KOURTNI!!!!! BE A YOUNGE LADY!!' i was like what am i being? i younge man? haha i dont know. stupid yea. but oh well.

i love my hair now. but, i hate how i cant pull it up. argh. it pisses me off so bad. like yesterday was the perfect time to pull it up. and guess what!?!! i cant pull it up because its gay! eh. oh well.

allen morgan : i love you.

im going to straigten some shit out today. man, screw everyone at the middle school except for some people. because all they do is lie. and they had the nerve to call ME two faced. and im not the one talking shit about people behing their backs.

my sister wants to leave the house early this morning so she can go and read to her class. lol!! i am not leaving like 20 min. early and be the only at the middle school. pshh. screw that, buddy.

people are so freaking immature. just because you cant have the guy you want and i can, doesnt mean you can lie about me. and talk shit about me. thats not effing cool. i havent done one thing to you. and you think you have the right to try to screw us up? get over yourself, grow up, and stop being so damn immature. i hate people like that. they cant say something to someone's face because they know its not true. but they can talk shit about them behind there back and try to get something started. well, at first i just let it slide. but this has gotten way to out of hand. dont lie about me, and you wont get your ass told off. like this morning. woah i was fucking pissed off. and this girl was just sitting there saying she was so sorry. but she goes and does the same shit again after school! what a bitch. well, fuck you!!!!

school is getting out at 12:45. yayayayaya!!!! =D i think im going over to marys house after school. but i dont know. i hope i can. my mom is being a anal biatch. i dont know what her problem is. but she needs to get over it. lol idk.

but im in computer lab right now, and im bored. so i looked up some lyrics. <3

City of blue tile.Figure in Ceramics.Where we reach out.Grab for Porcelain.

But it's too fragile to hold.And it shatters in our hands.In time the seasons will seal these shards.Into the slits that denote your wrists.

Death is the answer.To calculations composed of motions that are the same.And secret and different (secretly the same).A missing alphabet with a message for us.

When people die.They leave a piece of us with them.And holes in clouds are minutes passing.Rescind this line and several ties.The skyline unfolds into explanation.

That sometimes words give up.And silently walk off the edge the edge of the page.And here the cry opens up and reveals the word inside.The crack in the porcelain.

The silent line of sky-lit eyes show.Death up there shine more brightly than lives down here.Try and live.

my goodness. this weekend was crazy. i cant really type it all in here because i dont have time right now. but, you can just look at mary's eljay. but, this is crazy. allen and kirk like just popped out of nowhere. and im happy that allen feels this way. me and jesse are threw with. i couldnt handle the shit he was putting me through. it just hurt way too bad. and if you know what i went through with him you will understand. but if you dont, please dont be a asshole about it.

allen- you know how i feel. and i guess i know how you feel. but, people are telling me different things. like how you still like tori, but you told me something different. you know that i want to be with you, and you know what i did to be with you. so just please, dont screw me over. i know you never have and i dont think you will. but im just asking because im hearing alot of different things and i dont know what to think. i love you and you know that. i just wish you would know how you feel, and tell me.

tori- i dont appreciate you talking shit about me one bit. i did NOTHING to you then you started saying shit? yea really fucked up. argh. whatever im through with you for now.

well, yesterday mary came over and we dyed our hair. i cant say what color mine is because i want it to be a surprise to everyone. =D and mary's hair is like a aburn color [sp?] lol oh well. but it looks effin awesome. i love her to death. <3

i talked to jesse last night, and well we didnt really have such a great conversation at first then i started crying but then he made me feel so much better. he can make me smile when im in the worst mood. and he said the most amazing things to me. my God. you just dont know.

but a awesome thing is... i get off restriction on saturday. yayayayayaya!!!^^$%!$%@$$! i cant wait. im going over to mary's house at like 12:30 and i dont know what we are going to do but i think im gonna see my baby. yea, be jealous. ;D God. i love this boy. no joking.

IM SO EFFING HAPPY. YOU JUST DONT KNOW!!!!! i have so many good things going on in my life. i just dont know how to take it all in at once. im kinda scared to take it in really. i dont know if ill get hurt again, ya know? but, thank you to everyone who has stuck by my side when i needed someone the most.<3

no more wanting him. no more missing him. because i have him!!!! holy fuck! yes. jesse duke! i love him so fucking much. no kidding. i was laying in my bed about to fall asleep when i get this phone call from lindsey asking me to bring her a shirt, so i walk over there and i didnt see them at first but there was lindsey, JESSE, and ryan! holy shit. i stood there and held him and cried for like 10 min. i just stood there staring at him. and holding him. and him squeezing me. there is nothing more then i ever i wanted.

me and mary are getting closer. and it fucking rocks. and me and tori are getting back to our normal selfs. and i think everything is getting better. thank you, God. im starting to smile, and im starting to mean it. :D

wow. nothing is going good. i wish something could just happen, that would make me smile. well, atleast crack a smile. all i do is cry, watch t.v., eat, eat.... did i say EAT? goodness, im going to get so fat. and its really annoying me. all i wanted to do is go see my little sister alexis, and my mom said "NO!!! your not getting rewarded, right after you just did something horrible!!!" GOD. i just want to see my little sister. thats it. am i asking for that much?? i mean really.

does your heart ever hurt? to the point where you just want to rip it right out of your chest? well, thats how mine feels, right now. my head hurts, i feel like im going to throw up everything that i ate for breakfast. i havent ate since like 6:30 this morning. im not hungry, and if i do eat i feel like im going to throw it right back up.

i might have a smile on my face. but, that doesnt mean its a real one. i seem to be faking everything im doing lately. seem to be faking being happy. faking wanting to be with my mom. faking everythihng. and this morning when amber told me that stuff about him, that didnt make me feel any better. i just felt like i wanted to all of a sudden fly away. just to no where. nowhere at all. just be away from everything. everything that is going on. i hate life right now, but people keep telling me that it is going to get better. i sure hope so. i sure hope it will get better SOON! </3>he</b> is another thing that is making me sick to my stomach. but i just want him so much, it hurts. to event think about him. but she has him. and she doesnt deserve him. i do! i know i do! God, it kills me to know that she can hold him in her arms, and i cant even have the chance. because, i dont even talk to him anymore. [not gregory] she can kiss his soft lips, but i cant. she can talk to him, but i cant. -- i told my grandpa that he was back. and he sounded excited. well, not really excited. but, happy that he thought i was happy. sometimes i just hope that he wasnt here. just thinking about him being away and no one being able to see him, was better then him being here and me not being able to see him. i miss him so much. argh! i hate how i miss him. i just wish that i could erase him out of my life. just everything from him being in my memory.

but, mother says i have to get off. </3>what you do kills me, can you not see? are you really that blind? i just want you. and i know you can see that.</b>

im in ISS today, with amber. and im in computer lab only because i have a project to do infront of the whole class. just effing great. im not in the best mood, and i REALLY dont feel too well. amber told me some stuff about him today. and well, i just wanted to break down in tears and cry. but, i didnt. i stood tall. and i didnt cry, at all.

my stomach hurts. i feel like im going to throw up. i really just dont feel good at all, and i really dont want to walk home today. but, we will see. D;

You Pig747 [8:03 PM]: Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you companythrough those days so long and black.

ahh, jenn. you are my sunshine! lol, like always! you are so awesome, me and you= best friends for effing ever, bia!!!<3