Aunty Bella: Mr. Tit For Tat

Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers.

A BN reader left this message in the comments section on one of the posts published today. We decided to share it. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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Hello Bn Family! Greetings. I Had/hv a situation in my relationship, my girl saw a message in my phone where I told another girl that “the sex we had was dope”. We argued over it and she told me about how she has been sleeping with other guys too, calling names I thought was her relatives. I know I made a mistake but I feel she’s truly not in Love with me cause I bought her gifts and was there for her but sometimes she acts like she doesn’t care about me and the next minute she’s texting that she Love me… She told me in hot argument that she was using me to pass time… I allowed her spend the night, and she tried to apologize before sleeping but I ignored her… Pls FAM, what should I do?

Luckily for you she has told you her honest truth. So whether she apologizes for her actions or not, you should know that if and when she finds a ‘better’ man, she would leave you- that is if she has not already. Please do not go into relationships without your brain functioning a 100% In any case, you both cheated but she seems to be way ahead of you in this game. Shine your eyes

You feel? Love?……. my dear the both of you are not in love with each other. You are both users. So because you buy her gifts, she should love you while you cheat on her? You see mugu? The babe has seen that you have got a problem. She might even be lying about her sexcapades so that you can feel the same thing you want to put her through. Some guys sef

Well the next time you try cheating on her..remember she is probably doing the same. Your relationship has balance. …..Hehehe . Carry go…. btwn its possible she said all those things to hurt your feelings like you hurt hers…

Silly boy, you are just sorry that you got caught. So you think that because you buy gifts for her, she should become your personal didirin and take your cheating. Typical naija guy mentality. You better let her go so she can find a better man and you go and learn what it truly takes to be a man.

Ugh Nigerian men annoy my soul!!! Just look at this idiot, after getting caught cheating youre mad that shes said hurtful things to you even though you bought her gifts and was were there for her? And you genuinely feel like youre a victim here? You have issues mate, anyway I blame her for staying with you cheating-ass. Kmt

You both suck. Obviously you deserve each other. Do the world a favour and stay together instead of inflicting yourselves on unsuspecting partners worthy of love and respect. I hope you’re both using condoms. And yes on this post I am judgmental as hell. *hiss*

I’m sorry o, but I don’t seem to understand d ‘koko’ of this post, and I’m trying my best not to allow the dumbness of it get to me. Haba Mr Poster, ahn ahn! You cheated on her, u bought her gifts, she is ‘cheating’ on u blah blah blah. What exactly are u seeking advise for? How not to cheat on ur girlfriend? How to be sorry if it happens? How to value ur relationship? How to be a good man?? When u figure it out pls come back and post something more sensible.

Ps: by the way, I cannot believe that lady apologized, but then again to each his own.

You see men!! Smh u cheated she cheated nd u re pissed? I laugh at ur stupidity,it didn’t cross ur child like mind that she said all that cos she was hurt u had sex with another lady. Break her with her abeg cs u re obviously stupid. Funny how most nigerian men are like this, they can cheat but the ladies can’t. Rada rada.

Yes they say the decisions we make can either make or mar us guess mine has a way of slapping me back in the face over and over again and I’m at that point where I have given up. My new slogan is “Que cera cera”.

Like every normal lady,I dream of marriage,kids,the joy of having your own family but it seems like it would never happen. The question is what am I doing too right or not doing right?

kola was my all,I thought I had found my missing rib.I was in love that opposed to what I wanted,I decided to take a job in Ibadan just to be close to him. Though the pay was not too good I was satisfied.The relationship went on for over 6 months and I was over the moon,we see almost every weekend,I visit him at work and he does same but I observed he never bothered to come into my house each time he dropped me off,I was concerned and he kept saying its not yet time to meet my parent and i really didn’t want to look desperate so I didn’t push further

On a fateful day,i had to travel to Lagos for an interview ,finished the interview early so I decided to travel back to Ibadan to spend the weekend with him.I didn’t call him till i got to Ibadan. I got to his house,cooked dinner ,we ate but i observed he was very uncomfortable ,i asked him but he said he was fine. The following morning which was on a Sunday morning around 6:15am,I was cleaning and preparing for Church when someone knocked ,I opened and saw a lady with a luggage in her hand,kola was right behind me so the lady just went straight to hug and kiss him right in my presence.I was dumbfounded,I went into the room while he ran after me,it now became clear,the lady was why he was so uncomfortable the previous night.

Before I uttered a word he was already talking gibberish ,I wasn’t listening,i went to the living room saw the lady laying on the couch feeling so relaxed,she had gone into the kitchen to make tea . Kola took her outside ,I stood by the window to hear the conversation and I could hear the lady screaming she is going nowhere,she has come to visit the father of her unborn child and has taken two weeks leave from work.My knees went weak, I couldn’t cry,couldn’t shout,I was emotionless.All i remembered was going into the room to pack my stuffs,called a cab and Kola begging me not to leave that the lady would leave .

A whole year wasted again!Kola still claims he loves me ,I have forgiven him but I don’t think it’s wise for me to go back.All I want is true love but does that really exist?