Fisher: Why my son has ugly shoes

I can't remember how many years it has been since Cheetah Boy, 16, deigned to stick his feet into anything that wasn't made by Vans. He even wore Vans to his formal dance.

Not only were these shoes not manufactured by Vans, but they would probably win a contest for most unattractive shoes known to mankind. I've seen footwear from all over the world in the Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto, from chestnut-crushing shoes from France to bound-feet shoes from Imperial China.

And still, I must say, these were really bad, bad footwear.

If you know teenagers, right now you're asking yourself what possibly could have prompted this uncharacteristic adolescent behavior pattern.

Nuclear war? Earthquake? Alien spaceship attack?

None of these. My son is starting his first job today. At a Wendy's restaurant.

And one of the things the boss told him was, "Buy some slip-proof shoes."

If you're a regular reader, you might remember that I've written before about my son's obsession with Vans, and his assertion that he'd be expelled from school if he didn't wear this name brand on his feet every day. Other kids are Converse or Adidas fans, but at our school, it's all about the Vans.

Now, he'll try to experience life Vans-free, at least for four-hour shifts.

After an afternoon of shopping with him (and allow me to interject that shopping with teenagers is always such fun), I have decided that footwear designers scorn anyone so far down the food chain that they work a job requiring slip-proof shoes.

Obviously, such lesser mortals do not deserve to have Style. I say this as a woman who has worn the same ratty trail sandals every day since 1998.

I was shocked to learn that my son now apparently loves money enough that he was willing to go along with this abomination, especially after I assured him that no one would see his feet behind the counter anyway.

I'm planning to sneak over there later and document his first day photographically, when he's in his uniform, which he will probably seek revenge for later, especially if I put it in the newspaper. As the saying goes, be nice to your kids. They will pick out your nursing home.

The reason my son is so eager yet anxious to start work at 16 is simple: He wants to drive. I have made it clear that he needs to save up $500 to help pay for his insurance before I'll get him driving lessons.

That motivated him to start dropping off job applications at all the local businesses. I encouraged him to wear a nice button-down shirt to even pick up the applications, which was good, because he did meet a few managers. But nothing panned out until we were driving past Wendy's and I said, "Hey, why don't you get an application?"

He was in his school track uniform at the time, on the way home from a track meet, and ironically, that's what did the trick. The assistant manager saw the uniform, started chatting with him about their mutual interest in sprinting, and next thing you know, he had an interview with the boss.

During the big interview, the managers told him they like to hire athletes because they have a good work ethic. When they found out my son also plays football, the manager told his assistant, "Hire him."

That's what led to the shopping trip for ugly shoes, and his first day at work, after school today.

Of course when he gets his paycheck, he'll discover the cruel joke known as minimum wage. And the pleasure of paying taxes.

I really try to avoid fast-food places because they're expensive and nasty. But I do like the fact that he's working for Wendy's. It's a bit healthier. And Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy's, was adopted out of foster care, just like my son. And the Dave Thomas Foundation works hard to find every foster kid an adoptive home. So that's nice to consider.

I'm not sure how his bosses are going to schedule him around his sports practices, but I'm assuming if they like to hire athletes they'll figure it out.

By encouraging him to get a job, I have of course created a new job for myself as well: Mom Who Picks You Up From Your Job at Night. I'm going to try to stay awake long enough.

I'm hoping he can keep his grades up while he tries to juggle his new responsibilities.

I haven't decided whether or not he has to pay me back for the shoes.

Note to readers: Did you win the lottery for tickets to the "Antiques Roadshow" in Anaheim? Do you live in Orange County? If so, email me. I'd like to talk to you for a future column.