Sunday, November 01, 2009

i have no idea how i'm going to make it through this without weeping. not because i'm sad. (well, actually, i am sad. but that's not why i'm teary tonight.)

big h. you're six. and i absolutely could NOT be any prouder of you. my buttons are going to pop.

what an amazing young man you are and have become.

dad and i have been doing some spring cleaning (in october), and we came across something that was really tough but also really great. tough to read because of the content. but great. to read how far you've come. :) it was two days before you were born and two to three weeks after. it was rough. period. we had a tough time. a really tough time. your dad and i got a LOT closer. wow, God is good.

last year, when i wrote this letter, i told myself, "i can't believe that next year i'll be writing a letter to my little man who will be in KINDERGARTEN!!!!!" and this year is here. and you are in kindergarten.

{moment of silence for me}

so, an update on kindergarten. big h, it started off rough. people may have noticed that i never really put up anything on the blog about the beginning of your kindergarten experience. there was a reason for that. you had a tough start. you are so sensitive. which is one of your best character traits. but in a sea of boys you don't know, that didn't help you at all. dad and i finally went and talked to your teacher during the second week of school to talk with her about partnering with her in making your kindergarten experience a good one. we found out that mrs. b knows Jesus. and i'll be honest...i cried once i got in the car after learning that information. we prayed all summer long for your teacher and your classmates. that God would be gracious with you/us as He handpicked those people. and wow, He was. we adore your teacher. and you like her a lot, too. and word on the street is that she thinks you're pretty great. :) you've made some good friends. but most importantly, you've been kind to others. you experienced others calling you names and others throwing rocks/sticks. but we talked through those behaviors and how they weren't kind. we talked about the golden rule. you amaze me with your reasoning and your logic. the boy who threw a stick at your face during your first week of school got in trouble, but you seemed to spend time with him at the beginning of the year. you said two things that struck your dad and me as so incredible. first, (after a lot of rotten things happened to you on the playground) you said, "mom, you know...i just don't think recess is for me." and after spending time with 'boy who threw a stick at your face and constantly gets in trouble,' you said, "you know, mom. i was going to be best friends with C, but i'm not sure best friends throw sticks at each others' faces. huh?"

i couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. wise, little man.

the shows you like right now are: spiderman, amazing spiderman, the sweet old 70s classic spiderman and his amazing friends, batman (sensing a theme, here?), max and ruby, penguins of madagascar, wow wow wubbzy (specifically wubb idol), transformers (which i don't let you watch, but dad has. twice.), olivia (you LOVE olivia), harold and the purple crayon, and martha speaks.

you have always been our early riser. but this year has been tough, even for you. i get you up, or you're already up, by at least 7. you watch a show in our bed (usually martha speaks or harold and the purple crayon). i love martha speaks and really wish i could lay in bed and cuddle and watch it with you. but i'm sad to say that those days are gone. not because you don't want to cuddle anymore. but because you have school. and i have things to do to get us ready to be out the door. :( (one reason i would contemplate homeschooling)

i bring you breakfast. your favorites are any member of the eggo family (muffin tops, regular eggos, etc) or sausage biscuits. you eat them in our bed, which really grosses me out, but i love knowing that you start your day cuddly and warm, doing something that gets you ready for your day. or i'm a pushover. whatever you want to call it.

i pick out your clothes. you can do it. but honestly...it's something i still like having control over. plus, if it were still up to you, you would wear a lego batman or a captain america t-shirt everyday. no, seriously...EVERY. DAY. so because you don't argue about it, i dress you. thank you.

once you finish breakfast and your show, it's usually time to go. you put your lunch box in your backpack, and we're out the front door. dad stays home with goo so you and i can walk together. your school is two dinky, little blocks from our house. so unless it's raining, we walk. and big h, please know that this tops out as one of the best parts of my day everyday. we walk together, talking about what you are going to do at school that day. or who you think you'll play with at recess. or how there was no one absent the day before. we talk. and that's all that matters. and just when we reach the last stop sign before the school, i ask you "what/who should we pray for today?" your answers make me laugh or tear up. sometimes, it'll be that no one throws sticks. or that everyone obeys the teachers. or that lunch is fun. or that you'll get to do cool stuff at center room. other times, you'll say that you'd like to pray for certain friends because they have been sick or absent. you pray a lot for that same boy that threw a stick at you at the beginning of year. that he would make good choices. and one day, i even picked you up, and the first thing you said was, "mom. C had a great day. didn't get his folder signed!" (folder signed means you had a "behavior issue.") i walk you all the way up to the front door, and we say amen together. then, i hug and kiss you because you still let me. and i tell you i love you, and you say it back. and i walk away either overjoyed or teary. and teary only because i'm going to miss you.

no, i don't have co-dependency issues. i just miss being together sometimes.

you are getting to be SO MUCH FUN as you get older. it's bittersweet, though. because the toddler years were so hard for us/me, and you and i were together ALL THE TIME. and now, you are so much fun, and we are together a lot less. and so i've realized that i make the most of our time in the mornings and afternoons.

goo misses you like crazy. she's only come with me once to walk you to school. there's a reason she's only come once. it didn't end well. she cried so hard. so we decided not to do that again.

every so often, i bring you mcdonalds for lunch at school, and it is always the highlight of my day. i meet you right outside the office. you come out of the kindergarten hallway and run towards me and hug me. i love it so much. we either sit at the parent table or the table that you normally sit at. we sit with your friends, and i get to talk to them.

now, i know why your lunch doesn't get finished sometimes. you are quite the chit chatter at lunch. wonder where you get that.

goo and i pick you up from school right outside your classroom door. you are considered a "walkup" kid. there are different ways the kids at your school leave. they either go in a line with a teacher out to the bus. or they go out to the back to the carpool line. i've always heard such horror stories about carpool lines. and since we live so close, i decided against it. i pick you up with normally a snack. usually pretzels and some form of juice box. on the days goo is in school, i pick her up from school and then head your way. we park at the school and then walk up to get you.

and everyday you run to me, almost knocking me down. and the reason i keep noting these cheesy things is because i just know there will be a time where you don't do these things. so i want to remember.

in the afternoon, we do your homework and you play legos or play with goo. or sometimes we'll run errands together. nothing major. and then when i start making dinner, you and goo get to watch two shows together. you ALWAYS let her pick at least one of her shows. and you never really watch. but you sit next to her anyway. dora, diego, etc. and then i let you pick one. and you NEVER pick any of your superhero shows because you say "they might be a little too scary for goo. we can watch something we both like."

and i pinch myself.

and go on about my business.

you are an INSANELY picky eater. but here is what you like. popsicles. which is new. pasta. really any kind of carb. but pasta. a friend introduced us/you to pasta, olive oil, and parmesan cheese. and it is a STAPLE in our house. has been a staple in your lunchbox since you started going to MDO. (yes, i sent you with heated lunches at MDO.) pizza. hamburgers with mustard and LOTS OF PICKLES. quesadillas with cheese and black olives. couscous. though we don't call it couscous around here because i'm afraid you'll decide you don't like it. hot dogs. blue things on babysitter nights. (blue things being kid cuisines frozen dinners.) you like absolutely NO FRUIT. none whatsoever. you like strawberry banana smoothies from the mall (and only from the mall), but no fruit. weird. and really? as for veggies? carrots (raw) and corn. you like grilled cheese and chicken nuggets. if we tell you you can pick where we eat for dinner on a saturday night, you ALWAYS say chipotle. which is funny because what you get there is rice and cheese in a bowl. and the rice has cilantro on it. and you don't bat an eye. you call it rice with green stuff. ?? you like most juices. you don't do a lot of milk anymore. you love chocolate milk and you like white milk, but as for asking for milk on a regular basis? not so much. you like juice, and you love sonic's apple juice slushes, even though you don't ever finish one. you've been known to go to sonic or anywhere else and order "a ice cold glass of water. mmmm hmmm. delicious."

you wear mostly size 6 clothes and size 13 shoes.

you have the most BEAUTIFUL hair. in fact, everyone of your teachers has commented that they would like to bottle up your hair color and sell it. you have reddish brown hair, and it is awesome. thick and grows fast (unlike your sister, bless her heart.)

you sleep like a crazy person. it is rare to find you asleep in your bed with the covers on and your head on your pillow. you are ALL OVER the place. and you're still my earlier riser. and boy, do you break out all kinds of stall tactics at night. dad and i get quite a kick out of them. :) you are definitely a very heavy sleeper. different than your sister.

i can't believe you are starting to read. and you are having SO MUCH FUN doing it. i started putting notes in your lunchbox the first day of school, and you asked me what it said. i read, "hi H. have a good day. i love you. love, mom." and you asked me recently why i did that. and i said, "because i knew there would come a day this year when you would be able to start reading the notes." and you can. and you love it.

because this is my blog, and the only people required to read are me, your dad, and your two grandmothers, i'm going to brag really quickly. your teacher loves you. your music teacher and your art teacher and the school nurse :) and all of the other kindergarten teachers love you. they say that you say kind things to other kids. that you are excited when cool things happen to them. that you obey the rules. (not a big shocker...you LOVE rules and wonder why others don't love them as much.) and that you are just a very happy, easy going kid who everyone likes to be around.

i can't think of anything that makes me more honored to be your mother.

you love your sister. you are annoyed with her lately. (but shhh... so am i.) she's at a tough age, and it's sad when she can't reason as well. but even still you love her and you treat her with respect. you encourage her when she tries new things. you watch shows you don't like just so you can sit next to her (while playing with your legos). you constantly say, "who's my girl" like an old man. but i love it. and i never want you to stop. you say, "give your big brother a hug." and once in a blue moon, you'll put her to bed. you take her little trinkety toys to her, her little cup of water, and her muh. then, she asks you to sing the bedtime trifecta, which consists of twinkle twinkle little star (or frinkle frinkle yittle tar), abc song, and go tell it on the mountain. and you do it with joy (and quite a bit of gusto). :) and then (because we eavesdrop) you say, "ok goo, let's talk to jesus. dear jesus. thank you for this day. thank you for my sister. thank you that she had a good day at school and that she didn't get in trouble. thank you for her muh. that it's her favorite friend. thank you for her toys. and thanks for me. that i'm a really good big brother. oh, and for mom and dad. in YOUR NAME WE PRAY. amen. good night, goozer. sleep good."

and you come out and shut her door, only to find me crying.

(seriously...i promise i don't cry that often. just writing this makes me full of joy.)

you love singing. not many kid songs. you like to rock out. your favorite song is "dance dance dance and sing out loud" which is a song you learned at church and that now we have on CD. your other two favorites are brick house by the commodores and blame it on the boogie by MJ. and you can do the robot like nobody's business. you've got rhythm, dude.

i call you little man, big h, buddy, and dude. or hey usually works.

you always please and thank you and yes ma'am. which i love. you still give a lot of hugs. and wow, are you a great hugger.

you love your "sunday school" teachers. they are a young couple who are very hip in your eyes. you have really enjoyed kindergarten church this year. you're learning verses left and right, and you love to carry your bible to church now. most of the time you want to carry it in the box it came in. i love that.

you still love rules and structure. you love being prepared for everything. "big h. ten minutes until we get in the car." or "hey. after you do that, will you come here for a second?" you crave routine. and i love that.

you love dr. g. though, not as much because you got the flu shot at your last appointment. but at your six-year checkup, you made him a picture book of you two going to a restaurant to get something to drink. apple juice slush, i'm sure.

i probably won't write any more of these. at least on my blog.

but big h, i can't begin to tell you how proud i am of who you're becoming. what an incredible little man you are. you are thoughtful, joyful, and you love life to the fullest. like i said, it is a true honor to be your mama. happy six years. i love you little man.

*** unless you are nana/papa or grandma/grandpa, you are NOT required to watch this. i had no idea it was so long. but i love having to be able to show him later. ***