That is what I say to myself when I look into my extra large
bathroom mirror every morning as I try to flex my muscles which
are buried under my blubbery "winter insulation." No
matter how much I like to think I am God's gift to Man, I am shot
down by my own self-actualization that I am simply: Average.

Like most men, I enjoy the finer things in life: beer,
home-theater, and a good steak. I won't kid anyone into thinking
that I enjoy long talks, walks on the beach and romantic
comedies, because I don't. I like my chili hot, my music loud,
and sitting on my butt watching made for TV movies at two in the
afternoon.

Somewhere along the lines of man's evolution into the modern
age, the pure and simple beauty of being
your-lazy-good-for-nothing-self was degraded into a happy,
touchy-feely, "I'm sorry" wuss of a man. One moment a
guy got the chicks if he toted a gun and a 5 o'clock shadow, the
next moment he is eating granola and drinking cappuccino's while
watching Mad About You. Once men tuned up their muscle
cars on Sunday afternoons while drinking half a case of beer, now
they get dragged by their leashes to shopping malls and actually
look like they might enjoy looking for that 40th pair of shoes
with their wives.

What has happened to embracing that which we men hold dear? Is
it the Twilight Zone? Unsolved Mysteries? Invasion of the Body
Snatchers? Only primetime TV provides the answers to the
disturbing reality that man is slowly becoming... woman.

After leaving a budding career as a surgical technologist, I
chose to do what I like better - the Internet and sales. The
Internet for obvious reasons like sitting on your butt for hours
and sales for what I sell: electronics. Yes folks, by night I
edit and publish The American Partisan, by day I manage
a Radio Shack.

I love working for the Shack. For starters, I get to play with
lots of cool toys, get paid very well, and get a nice employee
discount. But I am going to go a bit deeper, perhaps even a
little sensitive here--you see, we save lives at Radio
Shack.

Malls are Hell on Earth for real men. Between the endless rows
of women's clothing stores and the swarms of mall-rats spreading
the Plague, Radio Shack is a virtual Mecca. There it stands,
alone in the cold abyss like a life-raft in an endless sea of
anti-man merchandising. Name another guy store in a mall... try
it. Oh sure, you can find a Big 5 Sporting goods store or
something along those lines. Many point to Eddie Bauer as a guys
store, but what real man shops there?

At the Shack, guys can breath the fresh, unscented air and
talk about RF modulators and CB radios. We watch the game on
satellite TV, play handheld poker games and listen to classic
rock on 18 different radios. This is our version of crying on
each other's shoulders about how much we hate being dragged by
our testicles to the mall. In this small way guys are
allowed to be just "dudes" as opposed to
"wussies."

Being a single guy, I enjoy the luxury of dirtying every dish
in the house with cans of pork 'n' beans mixed with BBQ sauce. I
can leave my smelly socks in the middle of the living room floor
with only my roommate to add more. But most importantly,
the toilet seats stays up! And why do we need to put toilet paper
on the roll anyway? It's just fine on the bathroom counter.

Men need to embrace this. Why? Because that is
what we are, and those who won't 'fess up must have that whip
cracking just bit extra hard or be a bit feminine themselves.

I am not suggesting in becoming such a slob that your house
becomes unsanitary. Yes guys, there is a time that you should
clean the pubic hairs off the toilet bowl rim (or kitchen
counter...) - do it sometime around the 15th of the month. Yes
guys, you should wash dishes at some point - usually about the
time that you run out of clean ones. Although I know it is tough,
every chore has it's time and need. I may even create a
"Man's Guide to Chores" in a future issue.

We are not alone in our struggle for equal rights of the Man
Lifestyle. TV programs like The Drew Carey Show and The Man Show
has furthered the cause and has gained recognition for the
problems facing the possible extinction of modern man as we know
it. The NFL still exists in some form and beer is still legal. We
have hope and there is still a faint light at the end of the
tunnel.

There is a fear of being ourselves. We must come out and
say "YES! I am a man and I am proud! Accept me for who
I am." We need to stand together as the entity of sloth.

Overcome the fear, my friends, I will be there to guide you
along the way.

The Everyman's Must See Movie of the Week

The X-Men... beautiful women, lots of action, stuff exploding,
and beautiful women! Oh yeah, there is a message in there
about equal rights or something.