Inside Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom's Golden Globes Flirtfest

Last night, two of the more unexpected Golden Globes attendees, Katy Perry (who presented the award for Best Original Song) and Orlando Bloom (where have you been, mate?) were spotted catching up and, if these photos are any indication, looking flirty, at the Weinstein Company/Netflix after party.

But looks, and even photos of looks, can be deceiving! Luckily, ELLE.com got hold of the totally real transcript of the not at all imagined conversation Katy and Orlando had last night:

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"KATY PERRY! Come here, let's have a chat!"

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"So look, I've been dying to know for like a year: All that 'Bad Blood' stuff...You? Not you? Real? Not real? Come on, I've gotta know."

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"What did you say?"

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"Oops, I didn't mean to offend you, I've just been...wait..."

"Listen Orly, I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath, but..."

"Wait, wait, what is that smell? That sweet, sweet scent―is that your hair?"

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"Oh."

"It's like...[breathes deeply] a unicorn rolled around in a pile of jellybeans or something?"

"Oh, yes. Yes, it's me."

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"It's intoxicating, do you mind if I just get in closer for a deeper sniff?"

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"Of course. And you were close―it's actually the essence of cotton candy fumes mixed with the dust from ground up troll bellybutton gems and happy puppy tears."

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