Journeys of a flight attendant who got married and added my husband to my flight benefits. After traveling the world together one open seat at a time for 3 years we had a baby girl named Charlotte. Now we have a whole new world of adventure to explore together......

Thursday, January 24, 2013

To Shower or Not?!

Showers. That’s the subject that’s been on my mind lately as
I move full speed ahead into the last few weeks of my pregnancy. Not the type
of shower that involves soap and water and checking to make sure you can still
see your feet but the one that involves cupcakes, a gathering of friends and
registering for items one supposedly needs to care for a baby. I’m going to let
you in on a little secret, I had a full on cry session about my shower at the
beginning of the year. I was having various people come up to me and ask me,
“so who’s throwing your shower?” and all I could answer was, “I don’t know…”
Which was the truth because I had several friends who had mentioned that they
would like to throw me a shower but that’s as far as the conversation had gone
at that point. Realizing as I entered the New Year I was now on the downward
slope towards becoming a parent (for real) I began to panic. Wasn’t I supposed
to have a baby shower? When would this take place? Who was supposed to be in
charge here?

Weddings are a lot easier to navigate when it comes to
social cues and etiquette. You pick your bridesmaids and those ladies are in
charge of making sure you are taken care of right up through your wedding day.
Best case scenario they throw you an awesome bachelorette party and lingerie
shower, they help you get ready on your big day and they ensure you do not
worry about the little things. Personally my husband and I were made to feel
beyond loved where our wedding was concerned. It seemed people were coming out
of the woodwork to throw us showers and parties and we ended up having three
total; two of which were couples showers. We also both had our respective maid
and man of honor throw us amazing bachelor and bachelorette parties. I could
not have felt more love and support where our wedding was concerned.

Being pregnant has been a different experience entirely.
Neither my husband nor I have family that lives in town for starters.
Fortunately I have had a drama free pregnancy which has resulted in the bare
minimum of ultrasounds and midwife appointments. While there is love and
support abound from my husband and family, for the most part I have realized
most friends just aren’t as jazzed up about babies as they are weddings. Unless
that friend has had a baby. Your friends that have had children will, without a
doubt, be the most excited to welcome you into club parenthood. But, for some
reason, creating a human life, having a miracle living inside your body and
going through the pain of childbirth just isn’t as much fun for others as two
people who may or may not stay together forever throwing a big drunk fest.

After my initial panic of, “what if no one throws me a baby
shower,” I took to the internet to research and see if others had the same
experience. As it turns out, I found message boards full of women who shared
their concerns that either no one was going to throw them a baby shower, or
that they had children and had never had a baby shower with any of their kids.
This saddened me beyond belief (and believe me I’m already weepy enough these
days) and shocked me to some extent as well. Here these women are about to go
through one of the biggest changes in their lives and some of them were
completely looked over apparently by their friends and family. Unlike a wedding
you do not have a group of friends appointed to make sure these social
functions are carried out if you so desire. There will be no group of people to
go shopping with you when you outgrow your regular clothes and need maternity
pants or bras. No team of best friends to precede you down the hall at the
hospital on your big day and tell you that you look beautiful and toast with
you after it’s all over. While giving birth, to me, is a much bigger deal than
a wedding day (which let’s not forget anyone from Kim Kardashian to strippers
in Vegas can have) it’s met with much less enthusiasm and fan fare from those
who should matter most.

I understand baby showers are not the most fun social event
to attend. I myself, had anxiety attacks when I went into Babies R’ Us to buy
gifts for others. That is because, for the most part, baby showers tend to be
lackluster. But they don’t have to be. For myself I envision a coed baby shower
that isn’t about the gifts or tiny onesies or guessing “what’s in the diaper,”
it’s about a gathering of friends one last time before our world is forever
changed. I just want a showing of support from those that recognize the journey
and how far we have come in the last 7-8 months. Anyone can plan a wedding, but
have you tried growing a human? It’s hard work! You can’t hand the task over to
a planner or throw money at things that you need done.

I am blessed in that I have some wonderful friends who did
indeed step up and offer to throw me a baby shower. I know it is a difficult
thing to coordinate and plan and it involves money and time. I am grateful to
these ladies because they have been supportive of me from the start of my
pregnancy and have been excited with me at every step of the way. I realize now
that is not entirely common. There is no way to predict who will be there for
you when your time comes. I am in an in-between point in my life where a lot of
my friends have not yet had kids so they do not feel the connection to me and
what I am going through. I was the same way when I was on the other side of the
fence. I’ll admit I dreaded baby showers and sitting in a circle watching the
mom-to-be open gifts and playing games- oh the dreaded party games! But I
realize now I was missing the whole point of the shower – to congratulate the
woman who may or may not have struggled to embark on the journey of motherhood.
To buy a gift off the registry of carefully chosen and researched items that
may have taken hours or days to pick out. Most of all to be a friend and be
supportive because for many, now that I look back, that would be the last time
I’d see that person without a child. It’s not like a wedding where you see your
friends on Saturday then see them again the next week and they are still the
same. No, this may be your last opportunity to talk with them freely and
uninterrupted so enjoy that time.

After all that’s what a shower is really all about – giving
your time, support and love to someone and wishing them the best on the road
ahead whether you chose that road for yourself or not. And by all means set
yourself up for some good karma and if a friend who is having a baby says that
no one is throwing them a shower then just offer and mean it and see the offer
through. You never know when the day might arise that you would like the same
consideration and love extended to you.

*In my subsequent blog I'll be letting you know how I did, indeed, navigate the world of registering for the baby shower. It's a bigger pain in the ass than you might think

Costa Rica

Navy Pier in Chicago

Walloon Lake, Michigan

Vail

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Notre Dame

South Beach Miami

Mesa Verde Cliff Dwellings

Honolulu

Durango

Estes Park

Vegas

washington DC

About Me

I'm lucky enough to travel the world and get paid to do so. My office is at 38,000 feet with plenty of windows and great views. When I'm not above the clouds I still live a mile high in a great state where I can ski in the winters and hike and tube down the rivers in the summer. I share my life with my dog and my husband and in-between my crazy adventures I find time for myself on the yoga mat. Yoga is definitely what keeps me grounded in my otherwise crazy life.