What will I find?
Some sacred thing to help me handle the tragedy?
Or did I once—Did I have it and lose it?

No one should ever have to walk through the fire alone.
No one should ever have to brave that storm. No,
Everybody needs someone or something.

And when I sing, don’t I sing your name out
Right at the same time that I sing my own?

Some days I swear I can feel you splitting the light through the window frame.
The shapes it makes are always warmer, always brighter than the rest of what comes through.

Some days I swear I can hear you sing to me or whisper my name in the slightest way.
It’s like the warmest light now laid across my bedroom floor is somehow actually you and
Not just sunlight.

I have the memory climb down the balcony.
I put a flower on the back of its dress.
It’s probably best to forget it.
It’s probably best to let go.
I paint it the shade of where the skin and the lip meet,
Only a moment after breaking the kiss. And
I blur out everything else.
That’s how I choose to remember it.

Some nights are a lot like the days, I lay awake too late, I watch the shadows casted
Trace your shape. Those silver slivers on the wall then on the bedsheets.
I hear your song in the trees. I finally fall into rest.
Often later when I’m sleeping you show up in my dreams.
Just doing simple things, like buying groceries.
And when I wake up I could swear you must’ve just left me
Like you got up to make breakfast or maybe just to get dressed.

But the truth is, you were never there. You won’t ever be.
Sometimes I think I’m not either so what do I do
When every day still seems to start and end with you?
And you won’t ever know, you won’t ever see,
How much your ghost since then has been defining me.

I leave the memory up atop the balcony.
I tear this flower from the back of the dress.
It’s best this time, I bet, to just forget and let go.
Paint it the shade of where the lip bleeds and blur it out.
I blur out everything else, just blur out everything else.
And let go, and let go, and let go.

Everybody has to let go someday
Everybody has to let go.

I wonder when I will. I wonder.

But if I still hear you singing in every city I meet
After I blur it all out, our every memory, if
You never fade with the days, your shape still haunting me then,
Should I not just sing along?
Should I not just sing along?

I will sing sweetly hope that the notes change but
I do not need it to happen. I’m not resigned to it. And
If they never do I’ll sing your name in every line.
Just like I did throughout this. Just like I’ve always done.
In every gun, the empty church, and every tortured son.
In all those giving up. In all those giving in.
Until I die I will sing our names in unison.

7 Comments

In my own personal opinion, it's about Dreyer keeping hope for his lover to return to him. Perhaps she had passed away, perhaps she had simply left; either way, he is mourning her departure, and is doing his best to cope with it. And yet, his memories still haunt him. They seep into every crevice in his mind, and consume him. It's not that he wants to forget her, it's that he can't, and he won't. He refuses to give up on his heart's captor. His hope will fight on.

General CommentI think this song is great because everyone relates to it in different ways. As soon as I heard this song i related it to the death of my best friend. It makes you feel like you're not alone, and someone else is feeling the feeling that makes you feel completely and utterly horrid and isolated.

General Comment"Some nights are a lot like the days, I lay awake too late, I watch the shadows casted
Trace your shape. Those silver slivers on the wall then on the bedsheets.
I hear your song in the trees. I finally fall into rest.
Often later when I’m sleeping you show up in my dreams."

Probably my most favorite part in this song, mostly because it's so relatable. I take it out of context though, and relate it to when I have to sleep alone. It's so relatable to me because I do the same things.

Second thing I want to say is how much i love this album.
I love how the entire thing tells a story and goes together.
I never realized it the billion times i listened to this song before but
this line:
"In every gun, the empty church, and every tortured son."
Brings it all together, King Park, St Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues, and Edward Benz, 27 times.

I love this album probably the most of them all but I don't like picking favorites.

My InterpretationWhat will I find?
Some sacred thing to help me handle the tragedy?
Or did I once—Did I have it and lose it?

( He's looking for a way to cope with the loss of someone or something. He's asking if one day he'll find something to make it better. Then, he goes back on his statement and asks himself if he had it and then lost it.)

No one should ever have to walk through the fire alone.
No one should ever have to brave that storm. No,
Everybody needs someone or something.

( Everyone needs that thing or person to keep them going. )

And when I sing, don’t I sing your name out
Right at the same time that I sing my own?

( He carries the decisions and mistakes of the other person as well his own. He bears the responsibility of both parties on himself.)

Some days I swear I can feel you splitting the light through the window frame.
The shapes it makes are always warmer, always brighter than the rest of what comes through.

( When he thinks about her or feels her presence, he's happy. If not happy, then less sad as he was before. What ever else goes on during the day, nothing compares to that feeling. )

Some days I swear I can hear you sing to me or whisper my name in the slightest way.
It’s like the warmest light now laid across my bedroom floor is somehow actually you and
Not just sunlight.

( He sometime imagines his love talk to him. It feels so real, that he no longer wants to perceive it as anything but authentic )

I have the memory climb down the balcony.
I put a flower on the back of its dress.
It’s probably best to forget it.
It’s probably best to let go.
I paint it the shade of where the skin and the lip meet,
Only a moment after breaking the kiss. And
I blur out everything else.
That’s how I choose to remember it.

( Remembering back to the past, he memorializes the good and decides to forget the bad. )

Some nights are a lot like the days, I lay awake too late, I watch the shadows casted
Trace your shape. Those silver slivers on the wall then on the bedsheets.
I hear your song in the trees. I finally fall into rest.
Often later when I’m sleeping you show up in my dreams.
Just doing simple things, like buying groceries.
And when I wake up I could swear you must’ve just left me
Like you got up to make breakfast or maybe just to get dressed.

( At night or in his dreams, he fantasizes about how it used to be. )

But the truth is, you were never there. You won’t ever be.
Sometimes I think I’m not either so what do I do
When every day still seems to start and end with you?
And you won’t ever know, you won’t ever see,
How much your ghost since then has been defining me.

( He's come to the realization that she was and will not be there. He's losing himself in perpetual thoughts of her. Since they're not close anymore, she's not there to witness the aftermath. He still does certain things in hopes that she's watching. )

I leave the memory up atop the balcony.
I tear this flower from the back of the dress.
It’s best this time, I bet, to just forget and let go.
Paint it the shade of where the lip bleeds and blur it out.
I blur out everything else, just blur out everything else.
And let go, and let go, and let go.

( Deciding to omit the past, he relives the bad and decides to forget the good, letting go. )

Everybody has to let go someday
Everybody has to let go.

( Everyone has something or someone they hold on to. Eventually, it'll have to go. )

I wonder when I will. I wonder.

( He thinks about when the time will come )

But if I still hear you singing in every city I meet
After I blur it all out, our every memory, if
You never fade with the days, your shape still haunting me then,
Should I not just sing along?
Should I not just sing along?

( If he can't forget, and the past comes back to haunt him, he's wonders what's the point. He's done everything possible to move on. If he can't let go, he's going to decide not to. )

I will sing sweetly hope that the notes change but
I do not need it to happen. I’m not resigned to it. And
If they never do I’ll sing your name in every line.
Just like I did throughout this. Just like I’ve always done.
In every gun, the empty church, and every tortured son.
In all those giving up. In all those giving in.
Until I die I will sing our names in unison.

( He hopes for change, but he's fine whether it happens or not. And if it doesn't, he'll still carry her in his heart. Throughout " Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair and The Worth of the World " and " Wildlife ", he'll continue to relive his past. The line "In every gun, the empty church, and every tortured son." refers to the songs on the album. King Park, St Paul Missionary Baptist Church Blues, and Edward Benz, 27 times all told a story of tragedy. For all those who have quit or is about to he reminds them they're not alone. )

General CommentWhile reading over the lyrics, I will say that I did shed tears... I think this song definitely is about loosing someone, with an emphasis on death. But more importantly, its about how impossible it is to escape the constant reminder of the him or her. How you can never really forget them. And I think after someone leaves us, at first we want to try and move on like nothing ever happened. But you can't merely let someone go, even after years and year. You're still reminded of them, especially in dreams like Dreyer says.... you kind of just remember someone gone in a dream, and when you wake up, you think everything's fine and the same again, but then it all comes back to haunt you, and you remember all the little things you were trying to forget. I think in the end, can't forget about the people you've loved and lost, but just try and preserve them.
also, i think that the "story" (i find all la dispute songs to be both stories within themselves c:) is about the idea of communication with a lost loved. the girl that left him is trying to keep him from forgetting her, so she tries to be present in everything that he sees (sunlight, trees, etc. )

i think this is really relevant, i lost someone very important to me almost 3 years ago, but there are still times it kinda settles in that she's never coming back. it hurts to think about it, but i just try and think that maybe she's looking down and seeing me grow up. i cant bring her back but i can preserve her energy and her spirt. overall i love la dispute and their songs really get you thinking about life... thank you <3