Wednesday, June 17, 2009

anticipation

Anticipation.... it kills me. do you know what anticipation means it is an expectation!!! AAAUGHH us addicts are not supposed to have expectations, yet it is a close to me as that hot dog on the puppies nose and i really, really want it. If surrender is better that denial what do you get for awareness? some of the things i ponder are really simple when you look at them and my issue is staying in the moment. looking down at my feet and being right where I am supposed to be is absolutely a very difficult thing for me. and i anticipate, i anticipate tomorrow and the next day and go over things in my head like the area business meeting and i find myself not where i need to be and that is in the moment. i did look up the definition and it also means hope, which my little addict brain could easily twist up into something i don't need to be thinking. So i went to a womens meeting tonight and it was really refreshing i checked out a new home group on monday and i think it will be great. oh and i went to the healthcare information workshop. i looked up the organizing for america and found this event to see about getting involved. now this is funny because this little addict never goes outside her comfort zone, now i am going to someones house whose address i got off the internet, Have I Lost My Marbles!!!! NOOOooo, i googled the lady and it turns out she ran for city counsel last year, locally. she was middle aged and looked very elegant on the political page. so i figured it would be ok, then i put my happy little ass into my mini van and drove over to this upscale neighborhood in cut offs and a tank top. I thought i may be a little under dressed but it was 100 degrees out so it would be ok. so i knock on the door and no one answers, so i ring the doorbell and still no answer. well by now i am like, "Damn it man i want to make a difference answer the door!" so i gave one last ring and here she comes to answer the door in her t-shirt and panties!!! no kidding and i thought i was under dressed!! she forgot about the workshop!! so she invited me in and said she was going to get a shower and would i just answer the door, then she pulls out this folder and we start talking and next thing you know an hour goes by and she never even put her pants on!! I had a blast, we got a little work done and i came home and emailed her some information i had about the medical plan and we will go from there. and here i was anticipating this whole formal affair thing and i thought i was going to be like the ghetto one or something but it was really fun and she was a real neat gal and i think i made a new friend today, we both have a belief that everyone deserves equal medical coverage, we both believe we can help to make a difference and we are going to try, so how cool is that!! Try something new you might just like it!!Gratitude list- 5 things1. today i am grateful for the YMCA and going to the swimpark with the kids.2. today i am grateful i got to see my haley learn to doggy paddle- it was awesome!!3. today i am grateful i reached out to a newcomer. i hope she is still clean.4. today i am grateful that my vehicle is in good working condition.5. today i am grateful for the two little jalapeno peppers growing in my garden, they are so cool!! Todays thought; "As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."- Henry David Thoreau

About Me

I am a 38 year old mother of 3. I am also an addict. I have a lot of thoughts and ideas that I feel are important to living life on life's terms. I am also very opinionated on the state of the world today. This blog will help me clear my mind, I hope it will help you too.