Great Debt forAutos, Adult Toys, and Elephants

Once credit card and student debt are no longer providing a high, it is time to move up to debt for autos, adult toys, and elephants. Review our great full-disclosure offerings.

DEBT FOR AUTOS

We sell up to
$100,000 of debt for your driving ambitions. That, of course, is a ridiculous
amount for a car, but we do it to match the other banks, and it does pay.

Don’t Pay Cash When You Can Splurge With Debt

Auto debt is not just for those who haven’t saved money for their next car. If you have saved, say $20,000, why pay cash for a fine new compact car when you can borrow another $30,000 for a rockin’ ride and expand our profits?

We Offer Low Rates, But Most People Won’t Qualify

We offer great rates, with APRs as low as 2.99%, although for that rate you must pay 40% down, have a perfect credit score, and prove that you don’t need the debt. Others will qualify for rates ranging up to 9% APR, only 18 times what we normally pay to borrow money. We never advertise those high rates because they would scare some sense into people, but once they have decided to finance a car, they will usually pay whatever it takes. Of course, there are additional fees, hidden in the fine print that nobody reads.

There Are No Easy Monthly Payments for a Car

The promise
of “easy monthly payments” sells more cars than all the ads on television. But
things are not as easy as they seem, because you will not only be paying the
auto loan but also the insurance, gas, maintenance and repairs, taxes and fees,
and perhaps for parking. The total cost for the first five years of new car
ownership is about twice the sticker price. (If you don’t believe us, check out “True Cost to Own®” calculator from Edmunds).

DEBT FOR ADULT TOYS

Why limit debt to life’s essentials when you can go into debt for fun? We sell debt for recreational vehicles, ATVs, boats, and jet skis. We actually make money from debt that customers cannot afford. That’s because we care only that they make the monthly payments, not whether they can simultaneously save for life’s unpleasant surprises, their kids’ education, and retirement. Those are their problems.

DEBT FOR ELEPHANTS

Why Elephant Loans? Mad magazine long ago observed, “The only reason a great many American families don’t own an elephant is that they have never been offered one for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.” We are the first bank to give this a try. Don’t scoff. Why would this be any crazier than debt for recreational vehicles and boats? That has long been profitable for banks. So we are bullish on the long-run potential for elephant debt.