Monday, December 20, 2010

I'm sorry, but this is perhaps the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life.

Rather than Christmas, I think more appropriate gifting opportunities for this particular item include:

A "get out" gift for that special someone

A little something to leave behind for the person who called out a name other than yours during sex (with you)

A heads-up for your parole office that you've skipped town

A token to nail to your ex's front door to show you stopped by...with your hatchet.

The catalog calls it a "driftwood angel." Really? In that case, I'm inspired now to realize my dream of opening an Etsy shop for my handcrafted Used Burrito Wrapper Potpourri Wish Flingers.

Please Note: This is not a craft project assembled by underprivileged children in a struggling nation or the like. Because that wouldn't be funny at all. Nope, this is just a regular old item being sold in a regular old catalog...for $35.00.

Just so you know - my Wish Flingers are priced to move at a budget-friendly $29.99, so come on by the storefront and finish up that holiday shopping! I will not be undersold!

In Other News...

I will be taking a little BlogLand breaky-poo over the holidays, so let me take this opportunity to wish ALL of you...

AND

Cheers, friends, and may the new year bring nothing but joy to your doorstep. See you in 2011!

Fricking Scary Stick Thing indeed! That looks like something out of the Blair Witch Project. The first one, that scared the bejesus out of me, not the second one, which was laughably lame.

*shudder*

On another note, may I please order a set of Used Burrito Wrapper Potpourri Wish Flingers? I just signed up for Margaret's White Elephant party over at NGIP and I think these'd be perfect. I only wish I'd learned about your awesome craftiness in time to get my present for our extended family's White Elephant exchange on Saturday. Instead, I was forced to procure a different (yet potentially equally awesome) gift:

squirrel underpants.

No, seriously. Here's the link for them:

http://www.squirrelunderpants.com/

On a much more serious note, I'm wishing you and yours the happiest of holiday seasons!

Truly LOL, but w/shame, as I recall times when I've considered buying such "rustic", overpriced, & artsy-craftsy things. The voodoo angel from hell, though, baffles even me... Fortunately, usually Just In The Nick Of Time I usually recall my mother's famous words every time I looked at something interesting and asked for it: "You (or we) can MAKE that at home"! And on that note I think I'll go get a glue gun & make something frightening & repulsive!Squirrel Underpants made me snort coffee thru my nose, too. Happy Festivus!

Merry Christmas to you too! And don't even think about sending that"angel"over to the Chronicle. I've got enough trouble with the plush Snuggles bear someone sent me last year. That thing scares the crap out of me.

It so nice when those catalogs advertise crap your kid could make for a lot of money. If they're making money on this I may need to get in on the action. I can glue driftwood together. Have a great holiday!

Every time I see something like this, I get really mad at myself for not figuring out a way to get rich yet. Obviously some people will buy anything. It shouldn't be too hard to start the next fad. Maybe I could fashion earrings out of roadkill bones or something.

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Anna Lefler is an award-winning writer and humorist and the author of THE CHICKTIONARY: FROM A-LINE TO Z-SNAP, THE WORDS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW (Adams Media, November 2011). Her work has appeared online at Salon.com, McSweeney's, TheBigJewel, MyPheme, FunnyNotSlutty and HumorPress. Anna's essays on modern motherhood have been nationally syndicated and her fiction has been presented onstage by WordTheatre Los Angeles. She has performed standup comedy in Los Angeles clubs including the Hollywood Improv, the Comedy Store, Room 5 Lounge and M Bar. Anna can also be found at www.annalefler.com, where she is trying to stop referring to herself in third person.