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I once made the mistake of assuming the blinis weren’t exclusively for grown-ups and was treated like a pariah for the rest of the party.

I wonder how the Queen’s dogs manage to behave? I’ve heard there’s blotting paper and a bottle of soda in every room in Buckingham Palace, but U-M says that’s just gossip.

My personal claim is that I have wonderful diagnostic skills, which is lucky because, for a start, I’ve been able to save U-M from going blind.

As a writer, her eyesight is vital, but it took a while before she listened to me and did anything about it.

I’d heard that dogs in America are trained to sniff out cancer and doctors find this invaluable.

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Some owner's claim their dogs have wonderful diagnostic skills

We have a very powerful sense of smell, many thousands of times stronger than that of humans.

When something about U-Ms eyes didn’t seem right I decided to examine her more closely. Frankly, my instincts had told me that something had suddenly gone wrong.

Not that she seemed bothered. She plastered the eyeshadow and mascara on every morning without a care in the world.

I knew she’d had cataract operations several years ago and she’d been thrilled by the results.

Supposing she lost her sight?

I also knew she went for an annual check-up and wasn’t due to see the ophthalmic surgeon again for another six months.

I have to admit there was a certain amount of self-interest involved here. Supposing she lost her sight?

She’d have to get a specially trained guide dog and what would become of me? It didn’t bear thinking about.

I had to get to work, and fast, so every morning I stood over her as she lay in bed and I examined each eye carefully and with great concentration, keeping just a whisker away as I sniffed and sniffed.

Undoubtedly, whatever it was had affected her right eye more than her left. “What are you doing, Toffee?” she’d ask, amused.

This went on for several weeks. “You funny girl,” she said one morning as she stroked my silky ears, while I examined her eyes with growing concern.

“What are you planning to do to me? Brain surgery? Or a facelift?” I snorted with disgust at her frivolity and turned away. Something was wrong and all she could do was tease me.

I had to make her understand, so I sat down and thought hard about it. “Toffee, what is it?” she inquired. “Why don’t you go out on to the balcony and direct traffic?

You know you love doing that.” She was right. I like to put my head through the curly wrought iron railings and bark like mad if a lorry tries to park right outside our house. Or a van.

Or a flashy car with a revving engine. How dare they? This is a Regency square with a big garden in the middle. If I was a warden I’d only let horses and carriages come this way.

I glanced at U-M despairingly. I used to regard her as fairly intelligent. Now I wasn’t so sure. The situation was getting very frustrating.

To let off steam I went over to my toy basket and, selecting a squeaky rubber bird, I endeavoured to kill it.

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A dog's sense of smell is a thousand times stronger than that of humans

However, later that morning I heard her on the phone making an appointment with her eye surgeon’s secretary. At last! I went over to her, hoping for a pat on the head.

She not only stoked my coat but she gave me a dog biscuit as well. Wow! I was gratified that she’d finally listened to me.

When U-M returned from her appointment a few days later she looked fairly stunned and kept glancing at me with a puzzled expression.

“It is the most extraordinary thing….” I heard her say as she talked to her daughter, Baba, on her mobile.

“You know how Toffee has been sniffing my eyes every morning in a weird kind of way? Especially my right eye?” I perked up and jumped on her lap to hear more.

“Apparently,” she continued, I’ve recently developed glaucoma. Yes. And it is especially bad in my right eye. How strange is that? What?

Oh, I’ve got to have eye drops and perhaps laser treatment to bring the pressure down but it is nothing to worry about because we’ve caught it in the early stages.”

I noted the “we”. It was me who raised the alarm, thank you very much.

U-M stroked my ears and then I heard her say, “I was asked why I’d gone back so soon after the last appointment.”

There was a pause, and then she started laughing. “Well, I could hardly say the dog sent me could I?”