Month: November 2014

Long gone are the days when Saints Row was just an apparent Grand Theft Auto clone. You’d get a slap for saying that now. Probably with a dildo…

I managed to grab m’self a cheap copy of Saints Row IV on Steam with a load of DLC accompanying it. I’d been meaning to play the game for a while, but after the disappointment that was Saints Row the Third I just kept putting it off. The original Saints Row was pretty good, but at the time did just seem like a slightly worse version of Grand Theft Auto – it was released a few years after San Andreas on ‘the next gen’, but just couldn’t compete IMO. Then Saints Row 2 was released. I loved this game. A massive improvement on the original, and it was competing with the grainy Grand Theft Auto IV, which, whilst a great game in itself, didn’t seem to have a classic GTA humour that Saints Row 2 adopted. It managed to combine the sandbox gang warfare, car stealing gameplay that GTA is known for, whilst providing utterly ridiculous side missions. Not to mention a pretty compelling story that could be completed in an order that you choose. So, to me anyway, Saints Row the Third was a bit o’ disappointment. The game got sillier – which is totally fine – but tried to retain a somewhat captivating story…which it failed to do. The result was a bit of a mismatch: a game that didn’t really know what it wanted to be. It was still fun, but forgettable. Now, Saints Row IV seems to have dropped any notion of being a ‘serious’ game…and is just, well, super fun.

Saints Row IV is one of the best sandbox games that I have ever played. The reason? Because it’s a true sandbox. Once you get past the opening prologue, the world is pretty much your oyster. The Saints have ascended to world dominance level, and the Boss (you) has been elected President of the United States. After deciding whether you want to cure cancer or end world hunger, aliens attack. The Boss is imprisoned in a virtual reality of Steelport (the city from Saints Row the Third) and must complete various tasks to, ahem, fuck with the system. That’s the premise. And that’s good enough. I haven’t progressed that far in the story, because throughout my six hours of play time I have blown more things up than I can count.

Pretty much everything is unlocked from the get-go. As with previous Saints games, there is a plethora of side-missions for you to do, ranging from insurance fraud, to blowing stuff up in a helicopter, to races, to blowing stuff up on foot. The big different that Saints Row IV introduces however is that you have super powers. Why? Because you’re in a virtual reality, and you can do anythiiiiiiiiing. The result is that your character is super OP, and no one really stands a chance against you…which is good, because I have ye to figure out where exactly the health bar is. But it’s also hilarious. You unlock abilities such as super jump, super sprint, and elemental powers such as causing massive (you guessed it) explosions, or freezing enemies where they stand. The only downside of this is that due to the super sprint ability – of which an infinite variant for is unlocked quite easily – there is no real need for you to drive cars. I mean, the cars are all mega slow in comparison, so why would you? But there are some awesome looking vehicles roaming Steelport, particularly with some DLC…but there is just no point in driving them really.

As with any Saints Row game, you have the option to customise your character. The Boss of the Saints is whoever you want to make him or her be. This includes facial alterations, penis size, skin colour, physique, voice (three male, three female, and Nolan North. Because), and a deviant smorgasbord of clothes and costumes. The possibilities are nigh endless. Sexy hooker with massive boobs? Old lady with massive boobs? Blue-skinned-buff alien with massive boobs? Superhero with massive boobs? Whatever your salacious little mind can conjure. I personally began with a large cockney fella to whom I referred to as Big J (privately). Later, after noticing a Nolan North voice option, he became a Tesco’s own version of Deadpool. Soon after that, he had a sex change into a very large, buxom woman wearing nout but dungarees and a cute little bonnet. Most recently, my character is a disgusting old lady who doesn’t seem to understand that she is passed her prime. It’s fun to pretend.

Saints Row is known for utilising celebrity cameos, such as Burt Reynolds in the Third. IV is no different, only this time Saints veteran Keith David joins the fray. Keith (mind if I call you Keith?) has appeared in Saints Row previously, but as a character. Now he plays himself, as your number 2. So whilst you’re going around sticking penis-swords up mascots bums, you can listen his sweet, soothing, warming voice. Due to some DLC, I am also now able to summon the cast of the fantastic Hey Ash Whatcha Playin’? series as homies. They come will full voice acting, and interact seamlessly with one another. You know, just to add more humour to this game.

So, all in all, Saints Row IV is a great addition to the franchise. It’s just madness. The addition of superpowers provide constant entertainment, as you can spend your time just running around suplexing innocent people (but they’re only virtual people so you don’t feel guilty, right? In fact, they’re virtual virtual people. Ahaaa!). Whilst I personally wouldn’t spend more than £20 on this game, it’s well worth a gander if you can find a cheaper copy. It’s manic, ridiculous, light-hearted and boobs.