I pulled into the grocery store parking lot the other day and as I parked, I unwillingly came nose to nose with something quite questionable. Initially I thought that somebody had parked a chromed-out version of the Merrill-Lynch bull in the parking lot. However, upon further inspection I realized it was just a new Acura with it’s giant bumper and chrome grille. I thought about moving my truck because I didn’t want to leave it to stare into the Acura’s bulbous nose, but I didn’t want my truck to develop an ego either. Maybe I am being too harsh on the Acura. Should I embrace these futuristic beasts for being outside the box, or hate it for being 90% grille & bumper and 10% “rest of the car”?

Over the weekend I came across a vehicle that was clearly built for ultimate world domination. It is so tough and burly looking that it would likely make Chuck Norris nervous. I would imagine it was built for delivering mail or something very mundane, but I guarantee that somewhere in it’s exhausted memory, it has some great stories to tell. It would be impossible to own a vehicle like this and not test its limits (of which there likely aren’t any).

If I were to buy this as an early birthday present to myself, and it wasn’t irreplaceable, I would take it through mud, lots of it. Not shallow mud, the really nasty deep stuff, at high speeds. When I am done driving the beast, I would want to have a mud line near my elbows at a minimum. I want to get home, and have somebody think that the skunk ape just broke into the house. If I can’t find any mud, I would want to cruise up to a drive-up window with a top hat on like everything is 100% ordinary, and order a delicious iced coffee. Then cruise away leaving the drive-up window people wondering if they just had a really messed up dream.

A few weeks ago, I began preparing my truck for future upgrades because when I start making real horsepower I don’t want it to explode into a million pieces. Project #1 was upgrading injectors to larger ones (650cc). I won’t actually be using this extra fuel yet, so for now I had to tune out about 30% of the fuel to make it run at a normal air/fuel ratio. Once the injectors were in and tuned properly, I took it for a ride down the street. Much to my surprise, my truck felt amazing! It felt that way right up until the clutch started slipping and smoking. 🙁 I knew that I was getting close to the limits of my clutch, so I immediately started project #2, which is where this story really begins…. Read More

Yesterday, a co-worker asked if I had seen the new Armor All wheel protector stuff, because it looked quite impressive. I told him that I hadn’t, but I’d like to see it because cleaning wheels is the most miserable job ever. He pointed me in the direction of this video, which I found pretty darn impressive. Surely, neither you nor I will be spraying honey on our wheels anytime soon, but it’s nice to know that we can without having to use brake cleaner to get it off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkW0STlkDHw

Has anybody used this stuff before in real world conditions? Maybe I will buy a bottle of this and put it to the test….

Step one: Drive through a pool of maple syrup.

Full Disclosure: I have absolutely nothing to do with Armor All. I don’t sell it, I don’t get it for free, and I don’t have any reason to promote it other than it being a clever product advertisement.

If you are a member of an automotive forum / message board of any sort, you are no stranger to acronyms, abbreviations, and bizarre automotive lingo. Noob’s are often left overwhelmed and confused for weeks as they are hit with the automotive slang learning curve. Since I too was once an automotive forum newbie, I feel like it is my duty to share some of this slang with the masses. If you are so bold as to become a member of an automotive forum / message board, it will make your experience 10000x more fun and educational. Here we go…….

Engine names and sizes – Could be displayed in cubic inches, liters, or factory engine code. Engine code is typically a mix of letters and numbers.

Over the weekend I went to one of my favorite junkyards. It’s smaller than some of the others around but I feel like the guys that work there are friendlier than average, and 99% of the time, I can find what I need. So it is definitely my number 1 pick for yards…. This time around, I stumbled onto a late 70’s / early 80’s Corvette that had clearly reached the end of the road. It was rotted, crashed, crushed, parted out, beaten, and then disrespectfully smashed. Cars like that are sad to see because you know at some point, a person brought it home from the dealer and loved every single inch of it. They cruised the streets and showed it off to their friends , and now, all that’s left is rust and memories. You had a good run at it Blue Corvette, a real good run…

Before my short lived pre-teenage career in newspaper delivery, I had no idea that dogs could run 100+ mph. It turns out that every dog in my neighborhood could, and they chased me like my pockets were full of delicious steak. The highlight of every dog’s day was when I tried to sneak up to the front door with my GIANT yellow newspaper bag that might as well have said “attack me” on the side of it. Looking back, I think I spent about 10% of my delivery time actually delivering newspapers, and 90% throttling my BMX away from the fastest dogs in the entire universe. For years this traumatized me into fearing dogs and all other animals for that matter. For all I knew – horses, cows, sheep, Bison, and turtles could chase me down, knock me off my bike and bite my legs. Luckily for me, this all changed in high school. A good friend of mine got a dog that was the biggest, scariest looking, friendliest, most lovable dog you could ever imagine. This dog was the turning point for me & animals. So since cars are my passion and animals are just plain fun, I put together this animal & car – friendly photo collage for your enjoyment. Read More