Mariah Carey Sits Upon a Throne of Lies

You can't fool your fans, Mimi!

Mariah Carey loves social media. I can't confirm this because I haven't talked to her (She won't return my calls!), but for an Elusive Chanteuse, she's definitely got a large social media presence. What I'm trying to say is that Mariah knows how to use the Internet (I hope). Why then, is she trying to pass off photos from 1997 as if they were taken today? And why does this make me love her even more than before?

Nothing too suspicious here, but the ace reporters at Buzzfeed made a startling discovery: If you click on the first photo, you will be treated to a vintage shot of Mariah from 1997, not a shot of her with her babies at all. A photo from Oprah! Someone call the Twitter police because this Internet crime will not stand and WWW justice must be served.

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Fans of Mariah seem oblivious. Many posted declarations of love in response to the picture and either didn't notice or chose to overlook the fact that the picture was so old that most of us were still on AOL dial-up when it was taken. Commenters on Buzzfeed have suggested Mariah might have been showing her kids older pictures of herself, but that seems implausible for two reasons. First, because that is boring and no one should ever subject kids to that kind of thing. And second, because Mariah basically looks the same (by which I mean fantastic), so there isn't any reason for her to show images of yesteryear to anyone, unless she's trying to teach her children about fashion Dos and Don'ts. (That is a very valuable lesson. Ratty jeans and a hoodie at the playground? Don't. Evening gown on the subway? DO! DO! DO!)

Buzzfeed has reached out to Mariah, but she has not yet responded and may be in hiding as we speak.