1. Start in the studio with a synthesizer, a drum machine, and auto tune. Make sure every instrument is a mechanical device. You want a fake, robotic sound where every note can be controlled

2. Get a song written by a committee so there is no heart left in it by the time they are done. Make sure the lyrics don’t mean much, never protest anything, and are watered down a lot.

3. Find a producer who can over produce it and bury any warmth or feeling, in excess layers of noise.

4. Take any soul out of the voice by over tracking it till it’s a pitch perfect robot sound.

5. Make a video where you spend thousands, so no indie can afford to match it. Best if it’s some weird surrealism that hides the song under flashy visuals that look like cotton candy tastes..

6. Give it to the press that praises sound alikes as if they are the best ever, and raves about generic music. Press release journalism is a must. Let them interview you where every question is a complement.

Sure hope the music stays the same as we’ve had for the last 10 years. We need 10 more years of that music that is always the same sounding electric keyboards, drum machines, and auto tuned vocals. What music could be more original? Nothing should change. Music should never change! Sure hope there is no progressive music to challenge this teen pop by the handful of wonderful aging teen pop stars that the music media talks about over and over and over and over.

And above all else there must be no mention of the music revolution sweeping the country out of Dallas. We need the sameness that keeps radio so good on every channel, concert tickets so low and fun to purchase, streaming payments so high, awards shows that award the most promoted, and reviews that praise this safe bland music over and over. What we don’t need is music rebels that want to change any of this for the better!
There must be no one to question why the music sounds alike, why 1% of musicians make 70% of the money, why 3 CEOs that control 80% of the music are all men, with no women allowed, and why the musicians most love are marginalized out of careers. We must support the music industry that keeps 99% of musicians making minimum wage at best by selling a few CDs and t-shirts to half empty clubs.

Continue to support the very few at the expense of all the rest! We all agree right? … or do we?

Local university professor of media, Dr. Nofakusheir, told a representative of zine Musea that he knows for a fact that all the DJs on KXT-fm are robots, mechanical voices.

Here is our interview”

Musea: Why do you say KXT DJs are robots?

Dr Nofakusheir: Four reasons:

1. Fake names – Alan Roberts? Why not Smith and Jones. Generic names, or two first names put together, fit generic machines. Real people have names that are unusual or hard to pronounce.

2 Fake voices – No humans lack all personality. These can’t be humans – these have to be manufactured. No real person has lived twenty years or more without developing some human characteristics.”

3. Show me the pictures. No one has ever SEEN a KXT DJ in person. Where do they live, in Digital Valley?

4. They say they are AAA format. Do you know what that stands for All Automaton Audio.

Musea: What if they are real? They show DJ photos on the website.

Dr Nofakusheir: These white bread generic models are strictly manufactured photos. Obviously these are doctored pix taken from some face recognition tech article or some robot how-to magazine.

But on the slim chance that these are REAL people, we have a bigger problem. The ‘person’ higher up, claiming to program the DJs to talk in such a bland generic way has to be itself a robot. No human has yet devised a way to wipe all personality out of a human being. That stretches credibility.

Musea: The follow, follow up question is this; did real people manufacture these higher higher ups, or did other machines? If other machines, where does this mechanical web end?

Dr Nofakusheir: Yes it’s turtles all the way down! And if machines did NOT hire them, and the DJs are not machines; then I ask this, why would any real humans play music so bland and generic, unless they too were programable automatons.

Further, no human with real personality and even a smattering of skill in music would ever RECORD this pretend music. (Note KXT refers to this pretend music as tracts, not music! Proof in the terms used!) No human with real personality would release such bland music unless under the pressure of all powerful despicable robotic overlords. No musician would allow his name to be used in such a disgraceful way!

Summing up, that means if the DJs are not fake machines, then it has to be the staff that are the machines programming the DJs. And that is why they only allow robotic generic music.

Musea: We have contacted KXT to deny or confirm the professors theory, but as yet cannot get beyond the mechanical digital phone and website menus.

This video by Pop Theory, by Roomie spells out why the music is so generic (and deserving of a music revolution against the 3 CEOs that run 80% of it – no women allowed BTW) This is insightful and spot on. Take a look.