Elvish sunglasses

I beg of you, don't be cruel to these sunglasses -- they were forged in the ghetto by a couple of Pork Elves, elves with suspicious minds and blue suede shoes, forged from hunks of burnin' love and the finest jailhouse rock. You won't care if the sun don't shine, because you'll never be all shook up when you're wearing these. So love them tender! You can't help falling in love with them! It's now or never -- if you're lonesome tonight, get them stuck on you or mark them "return to sender."

Sorry, a little less conversation -- doncha think it's time you put them on?