I used to work retail, and I've had some real winners. Don't get me wrong, I loved some of my regular nice customers, including one who knew I was vegan, and had some raw dinner somewhere, and brought me in leftovers, but some people have bring crazy to a whole new level.

I've had a lot of people with problems with their debit or credit cards, and treat me like it's my fault they weren't working, or try to pay me with a check, and refuse to give me their phone number or show ID. Or they would argue with me about sale prices or store policy, and when I can show them right where it says that's our policy, they would tell me it's never said that before, even if it had been there forever. Or they would turn it into a personal thing. I've been called racist among other things, though the racist thing always struck a nerve.

Oh man I could have written this. The one time I was called racist was particularly awful because the day before I had my asparagus reamed for accepting a check that turned out to be stolen and of course I got yelled at for not checking the ID. So the very day I had my asparagus handed to me by my boss this lady tries to pay me with her moms check and it was like a 20 minute battle with me, her, and the manager ending with her calling me racist and storming out.

Whee! The customer who thinks I'm a bisque isn't getting his loan. 'Cause it turns out that when you write off everything conceivable so that your income is negative a quarter million dollars and you don't have to pay taxes, then lenders will think your income is negative a quarter million dollars and that you will therefore be unable to reasonably repay a loan. Don't feel bad for him just because he can't refinance his $1.2 million dollar home... he obviously has income but, buddy, you can't have it both ways. I'ma be so warm and fuzzy when he comes in to pick up the steaming pile of dog shiitake he dumped on my desk.

when you write off everything conceivable so that your income is negative a quarter million dollars and you don't have to pay taxes.

how... is that possible? *brain explodey*

Yeah, I don't even get it. The people who bring these kinds of returns to us are clearly not hurting. Nice cars, nice houses... Obviously their ventures are generating income/cash flow. But they can milk a million different loopholes for all they're worth and then bring in a negative-income tax return and ask for a huge mortgage with a straight face. He's got money and property all over the place and he paid 0 income tax last year. And I'm the bisque, heh heh.

This wasn't one of my clients, but a Very Special Customer in Dunkin Donuts with me. I stopped to grab a small black coffee on my way someplace, and as I was trying to confirm my total & pay the woman who'd been in front of me came back with her drink and got her aggro on:

VSC: "UM HI. I asked for unsweetened iced tea, with two sugars. This tastes sweet."poor DD person: "yes, it's unsweetened with two sugars."VSC: "Well it tastes sweetened. I asked for unsweetened, with two sugars."pddp: "that's it-"VSC: "Because it tastes SWEET, and I ASKED for UNSWEETENED. Are you SURE?"pddp: "...yes, with two sugars, it is..." *totally running out of responses* *this went on for SEVERAL MINUTES.*me: Maybe it tastes sweet because of the two sugars, you gigantic dolt.*

*I did not say this out loud, but I so, so wish I had. NEWS FLASH: SUGAR IS SWEET. Especially when it's granulated slowly dissolving at the bottom of a cold drink, and you're drinking from a straw, getting a big mouthful of sugar each time... How do these grown adults with zero sense or problem solving skills survive in the wild? I still don't get it.

_________________...I am an opinionated prick not a problem solver. -matwinser

Now I remember why I try to keep a continent between me and New Jersey at all times. -torque

We'd get people like that in DD all of the time. Always with the sugar! "Are you sure you put Splenda in this and not real sugar because it tastes like real sugar to me...are you really sure? Really, really sure?"

_________________"...anarchists only want to burn cars and punch cops."- nickvicious"We'll be eating our own words 30 years from now when we're demanding our legislators outlaw aerosol-based cyber dildo-wielding death holograms."- Brian

We'd get people like that in DD all of the time. Always with the sugar! "Are you sure you put Splenda in this and not real sugar because it tastes like real sugar to me...are you really sure? Really, really sure?"

To be fair, real sugar can really mess some people up, and servers get it wrong pretty often. I'd never ask a server to add splenda to my drink. I'd rather put it in myself and be sure.

This wasn't one of my clients, but a Very Special Customer in Dunkin Donuts with me. I stopped to grab a small black coffee on my way someplace, and as I was trying to confirm my total & pay the woman who'd been in front of me came back with her drink and got her aggro on:

VSC: "UM HI. I asked for unsweetened iced tea, with two sugars. This tastes sweet."poor DD person: "yes, it's unsweetened with two sugars."VSC: "Well it tastes sweetened. I asked for unsweetened, with two sugars."pddp: "that's it-"VSC: "Because it tastes SWEET, and I ASKED for UNSWEETENED. Are you SURE?"pddp: "...yes, with two sugars, it is..." *totally running out of responses* *this went on for SEVERAL MINUTES.*me: Maybe it tastes sweet because of the two sugars, you gigantic dolt.*

*I did not say this out loud, but I so, so wish I had. NEWS FLASH: SUGAR IS SWEET. Especially when it's granulated slowly dissolving at the bottom of a cold drink, and you're drinking from a straw, getting a big mouthful of sugar each time... How do these grown adults with zero sense or problem solving skills survive in the wild? I still don't get it.

For my own peace of mind, I have to imagine that this person was pulling some kind of complex practical joke on the server, like with a hidden camera on their hat or something, because the idea that someone wouldn't understand the sugar=sweetened connection is too mindboggling for me.

Ok so the special gym member I mentioned before is now my special coworker, as she is working a few hours a month in return for a free membership. Anywho, yesterday this other member told me that its ok that I'm getting a divorce because I'm 'so pretty', that all I need is a 'good toy' and I'll be set. Oh dear. Someone old enough to be my grandmother should not tell me that. Oh and then tells me how her nephew murdered his girlfriend then shot himself a couple months ago and thats why she had been out pf toen for a few months because she was embarassed. So sad! :(

We'd get people like that in DD all of the time. Always with the sugar! "Are you sure you put Splenda in this and not real sugar because it tastes like real sugar to me...are you really sure? Really, really sure?"

To be fair, real sugar can really mess some people up, and servers get it wrong pretty often. I'd never ask a server to add splenda to my drink. I'd rather put it in myself and be sure.

I don't think it's fair to chide a worker like a child because you asked for us to put something in it and now you're too sketched out to drink it. Either take the responsibility into your own hands or just ask to make sure once. There's no need to stand there harassing a worker because you don't trust them.

_________________"...anarchists only want to burn cars and punch cops."- nickvicious"We'll be eating our own words 30 years from now when we're demanding our legislators outlaw aerosol-based cyber dildo-wielding death holograms."- Brian

A nursery school director called the police because "there is a hawk flying around outside". As if that wasn't terrifying enough, the hawk then sat on a lamp post. The caller wanted something done about this. (My mother was a nursery school director for over 20 years, and she says, "If there was a hawk flying outside my school, I would point it out to the children so they could see it, and then we would go research hawks and learn cool things about them. What a missed learning opportunity!")

The second call was someone reporting that there was a deer grazing by a local pond, and "it looks lost". Okay. Let us go direct it, then.

We'd get people like that in DD all of the time. Always with the sugar! "Are you sure you put Splenda in this and not real sugar because it tastes like real sugar to me...are you really sure? Really, really sure?"

To be fair, real sugar can really mess some people up, and servers get it wrong pretty often. I'd never ask a server to add splenda to my drink. I'd rather put it in myself and be sure.

I don't think it's fair to chide a worker like a child because you asked for us to put something in it and now you're too sketched out to drink it. Either take the responsibility into your own hands or just ask to make sure once. There's no need to stand there harassing a worker because you don't trust them.

I'm not talking sketched out. I'm talking, could possibly put someone in the hospital. And I agree that there's no reason to be rude about things, but it is a very serious question for some people. It can be hard to communicate that to someone who just thinks you're an idiot on a diet or a picky customer.

So, our shipping policy is kinda funky, but it's the cheapest for a small company that has only one warehouse on the west coast. A woman ordered a bathing suit on the east coast, and saw the 7-10 business day quote and needed it in 5 business days. She called on the 4th business day worried and angry that it wasn't there yet. I pulled up her tracking number, and it was all the across her state with the delivery date set for exactly the 8th business day.

She started FREAKING OUT, and yelled at me for about 10 minutes about how much the company STINKS. She said Amazon NEVER takes 8 business days! And neither does online store x, y, or z!That we need to get our act together and stop sending out packages via the Pony Express!That if we're going to advertise to people on the east coast we need to bring our "A" game and upgrade shipping policies to match that of those BIG companies, or go back to Texas! (where the company is not even based.)That she doesn't even NEED the bathing suit, but the pictures in the catalog look so cool with happy ladies jumping off sailboats - and she has a sailboat, too! (Don't ask why that even matters... I have no idea why.)

It went on... and on...

Then the next day, she actually received it earlier than the estimated delivery date - on the exact day she needed it. She called back and apologized for her behavior, which was nice, but highly unusual. She was also extremely pleasant-sounding and I thought she was a completely different person.

So, canvassing for a rape crisis center; I lose the top button off my dress. I'm pretty busty, and the result is a bit more cleavge a than I'd normally show at work, but nothing spectacular as compared to stuff I'd wear in my free time. I knock on the door, an older woman answers.Me: (my spiel)Woman: you lost a button.Me: oh, yeah, oops. I'll have to stich that up when I get home.W: It's sort of a double edged sword... Talking about rape an then walking around like that.M: I'm not sure what you mean ( more spiel)W: I mean, you're showing all that cleaveage. It sort of defeats the purpose of talking about rape prevention programs. You're asking to get raped.M: Well, no. As an organization, we believe that only a rapist can choose to rape someone. There is nothing a person can do that makes them at fault for being raped.W: No, I don't believe that.So at this point, I try to leave, but she seems to have genuine questions about our programs. She wants to know if we're affiliated with a church. No, I say, we're not involved with religion or politics, we like to keep ourselves accessible to all survivors of sexual assault.W: so what sort of qualifications do these folks have?M: who?W: the people the rapists would call.M: the rapists?I don't understand.. w: the people who have been raped, how do they know what sort of qualifications the people at your office have?M: well, our crisis hotline is staffed by volunteers who go through rigorous training. The counselors are therapists, that's their profession. It's what they studied at university.W: it doesn't say that here. Where did they study?M I don't know where all of our counselors studied. It doesn't say there because that's a general information sheet about our programs, not our councilors' resumes. The free and low cost counseling is just a service we offer to the community. If a survivor doesn't find a good fit with one of our therapists, they're welcome to go elsewhere.W: (more whacked out shiitake)M: ok. Well I have to go. Thanks for your time.W: if you're going door to door, you really should fix your top. Just take a bit off your hemline and stich it up there. You really can't talk about preventing rape dressed like that. It's counterproductive.I left. Remarkably, she did not give me any money, nor sign up to volunteer.

Olives, that whole exchange.... There are no words. I know emoticons are discouraged here, but o_0 pretty much sums it up.

raspberrycomplaint wrote:

Two animal control calls today:

A nursery school director called the police because "there is a hawk flying around outside". As if that wasn't terrifying enough, the hawk then sat on a lamp post. The caller wanted something done about this. (My mother was a nursery school director for over 20 years, and she says, "If there was a hawk flying outside my school, I would point it out to the children so they could see it, and then we would go research hawks and learn cool things about them. What a missed learning opportunity!")

The second call was someone reporting that there was a deer grazing by a local pond, and "it looks lost". Okay. Let us go direct it, then.

When I was volunteering for the animal ambulance here, we'd get calls like this. One guy called because there was a stork on the roof of the building across the street. There was nothing wrong with the stork. He just didn't think storks belonged on roofs.

_________________Ain't no guarantees in life, and nothing that comes out of my vagina can change that. - Erika Soyf*cker

(Customer making faces at me through the window, I walk over to her).Customer: Are you open?Me: No, we don't open for another 20 minutes. (Mentally - half the lights are off, the chairs and tables are stacked inside, the doors are shut - does it look like we are open?)Customer: Oh, but can I just get a cup of tea?Me: We only just turned the urn on. The water isn't hot yet.Customer: But.... isn't there a kettle over there? Can't you just boil that?Me (sounding pretty grumpy by this point): Well, that water is actually for something else, but I guess you can have some of it. It'll take a few minutes.Customer: Oh, I don't mind waiting.(Customer sits in a chair in the corner whilst I make her a cup of tea).

If you don't mind waiting, why couldn't you just come back when we're actually open? I should have just pretended I couldn't see her gesticulating wildly at me through the front door. I realise this is pretty minor, but the entitlement of just thinking you can waltz in whenever and demand whatever you like really shiitakes me.... a cup of tea wasn't that hard, but people just do it far too often for my liking. Luckily I'm not shy about being really cranky.

_________________If I chew on garlic that's been in a vagina, isn't that exploiting SOMEONE? - coldandsleepyAfter all, you can't spell Richard Dawkins without "dickwad". - EmperorTomatoKetchup

Woman opens the front gate, brings in her car, opens the shop door, comes in, says her car is outside, can we maybe look at it please?

Mr T, mouth full, says, "you realize we're closed for lunch?""oh yeah but i'm very busy and I won't be able to come later.""our mechanics have gone home for lunch.""but can't you look at it?""I'm the electrician.""but the problem might be electrical."She eventually went away but not happy.

Now we have started locking the gate too. The clients will sit there and honk til someone opens the gate. it's amazing.

Olives, that whole exchange.... There are no words. I know emoticons are discouraged here, but o_0 pretty much sums it up.

raspberrycomplaint wrote:

Two animal control calls today:

A nursery school director called the police because "there is a hawk flying around outside". As if that wasn't terrifying enough, the hawk then sat on a lamp post. The caller wanted something done about this. (My mother was a nursery school director for over 20 years, and she says, "If there was a hawk flying outside my school, I would point it out to the children so they could see it, and then we would go research hawks and learn cool things about them. What a missed learning opportunity!")

The second call was someone reporting that there was a deer grazing by a local pond, and "it looks lost". Okay. Let us go direct it, then.

When I was volunteering for the animal ambulance here, we'd get calls like this. One guy called because there was a stork on the roof of the building across the street. There was nothing wrong with the stork. He just didn't think storks belonged on roofs.

Well of course, storks only belong in designated storking areas!

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

This isn't too bad, but an American tourist asked me if I've ever heard of Ohio the other day. I decided to be jokey and say "yup, but only because I watch Glee," and he thought it was hysterical. But he then proceeded to ask me if I've ever left BC, and when I told him I actually grew up in Alberta (ONE PROVINCE OVER FROM WHERE HE IS VISITING), he thought I was talking about an "African state". Because, you know, Africa has states. When I told him I'd lived in England and California, he lost all interest, and told me I should really visit Ohio.

*Gym member, standing on treadmill. Pushing random buttons and looking confused*Me: Can I help you program that treadmill?Gym Member: No, I'm not going to use it. I don't know how to make it work!Me: But...I...can...help...you...?Gym Member: Thanks anyways!