Monday, May 7, 2012

"How To Kill Your Imaginary Friends", and recent happenings

Hi everyone!

So
it has been a while since i posted anything in here, but a lot has
happened. I just got finished with a QCMFA group show at One Art Space
(www.oneartspace,com) curated by Michelle Levy of the Elizabeth
Foundation for the Arts, had my solo thesis show to cap off my time as
an MFA, and gave an artist talk/lecture at Hunter College as part of
their Focus and Motivation lecture series. As I prepare for things on
the horizon I felt it was time to put the conceptual aspects of my most
recent body of work, How To Kill Your Imaginary Friends, into a written format.

Let
me start by saying that I understand killing one's imaginary friends
might come off as confusing, counter intuitive, and over all macabre.
That in mind, theses "friends" are not the childhood inventions most of
us have used to prop us up when we feel lonely. Rather, they are
notions, fears, worries, and judgements arrived at seemingly from the
ether of society we live in. They are the personification of those
things we think about that cause us to be apprehensive, irrational, or
even inert when decisions have to be made and goals are set. Both in the
experience of art making, and really anything else that requires making
choices, honesty becomes an important factor.

Now, by
honesty I don't necessarily mean telling your mom that you hate the
sweater she got you for your birthday or sheepishly raising your hand
when people in the elevator want to know whose responsible for the
horrible smell. What I'm getting at is being able to make decisions that
are true to one's self, not marred by what we project other people
want, what their expectations are, or what makes us "good". The simplest
example that comes to mind is about subject or material in making art.
It isn't uncommon to ask a painter why they work on stretched canvas and
get an answer like "because that's what people buy, right?" Though to
most people that might not sound unreasonable, the real question is if
it serves the work.

On the heels of that, this body of
work has been about trying to make decisions based only upon what I felt
would make good work. Easier said that done for a young artist like
myself who has only recently had this epiphany. The voices would just
keep seeming to find a way to creep in there, and ruin everything (side
note, it should be explained that many of these things do come from a
place unaccompanied by ill intent). With these obstacles failing to
wane, I decided that I would kill off these voices the best way I knew
how- literally. So with that, I used paintings and sculpture to turn my
insecurities into physical beings that I would subsequently torture,
maim, or kill. I would treat them like insects, stomping them out
leaving foot prints in the ground. I would quarter them, crack their
heads open, and as a warning to the others that were to come I would put
their heads on pikes, boards, and hang them from fish hooks to keep
them as trophies.

At the end of it all, I found some
relief. I felt as though it was working, and that through my desire to
get to making good, honest work by getting rid of the internal obstacles
preventing me I was in fact making good work. When it came time for the
work to be installed and shown, I had one last revelation about this
body of artworks. A complete stranger came into the space, stopping in
front of a triptych title Waiting for the New Guy (picture
below). They turned to me and asked "so did you get them all?" At that
point I realized that the void on the pike in the center panel was a
symbol- I would never get them all. This was not simply a short term
project to keep me busy, or an answer to a finite issue. This was
something I, and really all of us, will always have to deal with-
constantly working to voice ourselves, make choices, and be who we are
unencumbered by the weight of judgement, fear of rejection, or all out
failure.