When I was about 9 years old I distinctly remember asking my mom what an orgasm was. All I got was, "Uh, I don't know." I reminded her about that a couple of years ago. We had a good laugh on that one.

This is one of those moments. You know the ones. The ones where I sit back and laugh at your story and pat myself on the back for choosing not to be a mom. I mean they are entertaining and cute and all, but I so do not need to answer questions like this. Glad that you are. That way I can believe future generations will have humor and grace when they first hear these questions from their kids.

When my brother was about 2 or 3, we were in the grocery store in the produce section, and my brother very loudly asked my mom "what's masturbation?" Every head in the entire section turned to hear what my mom was going to tell him. (She said we'd talk about it when we got home.)

My boys found their dad's stash of old Playboys a few weeks ago. "Why does dad have magazines with naked women?" Because men like to look at beautiful women. "Without their clothes on?" Yes. "That's weird." I know. But it's okay. It's normal. Just don't expect any of the women in your future to look like those pictures. Because real women? Are not airbrushed.