Grumpy waiting day

This is going to be a vent. Somewhat pointless, but it needs to go somewhere.

In April, on my birthday, after we had been discussing wedding, engagement, ring stuff, my SO gave me a birthday card that promised “some fun surprises” in the year ahead. There aren’t too many options for what that could mean in our lives other than getting engaged.

In May we went on a romantic trip to one of our favorite places. Nothing.

Now, we seem to talk about our hypothetical wedding and kids a lot, but nothing is concrete. My schedule is bonkers and I won’t be able to be home much except for weekends for the rest of the summer and into the school year (grad school internship and classes), so other than the last week of August there won’t be any time we can go anywhere fun, or even be home together for more than a few days at a time. He suggested vaguely that we do something fun (like, go somewhere) that last week of August between my internship ending and school starting. When I asked him is he had anything in mind, he didn’t have any ideas. So that’s no good (though we probably will go somewhere different for a few days).

So basically there is no possible time for anything interesting to occur. Add that to the problem of when could he see my parents to ask their blessing/whatever, since he almost never sees my family (I don’t think any of them would be comfortable with him calling them and asking over the phone), and I’m left wondering. I suppose if it happens sometime between now and next April it will be after some holiday when my SO and my parents see each other. Unless he asks my dad out to dinner/lunch or something, which I doubt he would do considering past history/circumstances/distance.

I guess I’m grumpy about it because last night had one of those perfect moments when you think it might happen, and it didn’t. I tried to push the idea out of my head and just enjoy things, which I mostly did, but now it’s annoying me. GRRRR.

Plus my favorite Etsy jeweler has a new ring design that I WANT and I want to show it to him, but I don’t want to seem like I bring it up all the time. Garumph.

@Creiddylad: I’m of the mind that a man will propose when he wants to and the more a woman nags, the less likely he is to do it. It doesn’t need to be a big, elaborate, grand gesture. I would have married my FI if he had asked me in the kitchen. It’s the meaning that’s important, not how it’s done (just my opinion of course).

For me, I lived with my FI and I knew I had a commitment of his heart before I got my ring. That is the most important part to me. There are plenty of married folks who are not committed and plenty of folks who live common law who are. The nature of every relationship is different so I don’t care about the “status” of mine so long as we are happy and committed.

Also, for me, asking my parents wasn’t important. The only person FI needed to get permission from is me. I am not a piece of property transferring from my dad to my FI – I’ve always balked at this “permission” thing. I got engaged after 3 months of dating and I never brought it up once. I think that’s why I got engaged after 3 months to be honest 😛

@MrsPanda99: As frequently happens 😉 I agree with you! I don’t care where or how a proposal happens (as long as it’s not on a jumbotron or in front of our families), I’d be happy with being proposed to in our kitchen, and I’m trying not to talk about it too much because I know how it drives men crazy. . . and we’ve been living together for 3 years, so it’s sort of like we’re married even though we aren’t. Part of me is really happy to just have that, but I’m fairly traditional in some ways and I really want to get married within the next couple years, living together or not. Somehow not being engaged after this long makes a tiny bit of me feel disrespected, like he doesn’t REALLY want me because if he did, well, things would have happened by this time since we’ve been together for 4 YEARS. I know he doesn’t mean to or want to have me feel that way, and we are very committed to each other, but I want and need the formality.

Honestly, I don’t give a crap about him asking my parents. I fact I detest the idea. BUT I happen to know that my father feels strongly that it’s a respectful thing to do and would be really upset if it didn’t happen, and since my parents had trouble with my choice of partner (cultural problems), I think the blessing-asking has to take place, unfortunately. Just to maintain peace and sanity in the larger family! Blecccchhhhh!!

@Creiddylad: I was venting before. Argh… same thing about the parents. We will see my parents in two weeks and then perhaps one year later. they live very very far away, so aasking dad for the hand might mean the proposal is immediate or can be months. He might suprise you. In my case i think he mught ask my dad for the hand but then I will have to wait for a proposal which is stressful. I even thought about ordering the photograher for engagement photos when we are visiting my family, but i did not mentionthis to SO as it seems very desperate. Proposals usually happen and are nice when couple is away but he might plan something. I started wishing for a proposal in a baloon! Crazy 😉 I fear the propsala might be not as exciting as I would hope for… been waiting for so long

@nycsa: That’s a good suggestion. I don’t know what my parents would think of that though. Honestly I think it might piss them off, and with what I’ve been through because of them, I’d rather not do anything that would make them more difficult to deal with.

I certainly have time to think it over. (Sorry, I’m just getting in a worse and worse mood today– I’m stuck at work and tried to go for a run outside for a break, but it is so hot and humid that I couldn’t do more than walk, and I have a headache).

I was caught in left field when it happened. My friends and family had money on it but I did not think for a second it would happen.

We were in the midlde of buying our house so he was stressed with that, he was waiting on hearing if he got a promotion, he had two out of town trainings he was preparing for. I thought he was too occupied to even think about doing it.

@Creiddylad: I don’t think you should feel disrespected at all. In fact, I believe actions speak louder than words and he is already living with you, acting like a husband (I assume), and showing you he is committed. That means so much more than a ring or the “will you marry me?” ever will. I think a lot of times gals are fighting to get what they already have!

The formality is important to my FI as well (though I could care LESS), so I am going to have an “official” ceremony even though we are already legally married (common law). I can understand that it is nice to make the formal vows, but to be honest, I’m just excited for the vacation! We are doing a 2 week weddingmoon and who doesn’t want to be at the beach for 2 weeks? 😀

@MrsPanda99: I like the idea of my boyfriend asking my dad’s permission. My dad’s raised me alone since I was 3 years old, and we’re extremely close. Everyone knows the proposal is coming. My boyfriend and I just met with a jeweler yesterday to design my ring, and he’s putting a downpayment on it next week. I’ve sent pictures to my dad and everything. But there’s still something about that bonding moment of my boyfriend formally asking for my hand, and my dad giving the blessing. It’s pretty deeply rooted in my partciular culture, so that could be it, but I still really love the idea that they’ll have that moment together.