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Saturday, January 24, 2015

SHOULD CHILDREN SUPPORT THEIR OLD PARENTS

Rama Ananth in my previous post under the heading WHAT IS
LIFE wrote this excellent comment which I am reproducing below=

QUOTE

I feel we are responsible for bringing our children to this
earth and we should realize that however much we want our children to be with
us, to love us,and support us, we are wrong in expecting those things from our
children.

Nowadays children are so matured in their thinking that we
can surely learn a few things from them. They feel that neither they have the
time nor proper care to give their kids nor the relevant support system, so
they choose not to have any kids. I can understand their point of view, and
fully support their thinking in this manner, for life today is not what it was
years ago. It takes so much effort to finish their studies and settle in some
good job and then finally getting married to an equally busy wife----- time
just flew past them they are too old by the time they can even think of being
responsible parents.

Plus they have realized that they have come alone to this world and would leave
alone from this world, so the question of
having children to support them in their old age does not even arise for
them.

They want to achieve their goals and be happy and free for
the rest of their lives. I feel they deserve it, if that is what they choose
and we as parents can support them and feel happy that they are not doing the
mistakes we did in our life time.

Life is always changing and we should also change our
thoughts according to changing times, for there is really no right or wrong in
any thing.

UNQUOTE

RAMA ANANTH is a fantastic blogger and I recommend that you
visit her by clicking here. I am sure she will be delighted and will certainly reciprocate.

This is an interesting issue which has many sides and I
would like to present my point of view in my next post.

In the meanwhile, I would we very glad to know your
views in as much detail as possible. There is no need to hold back your thoughts and let it flow.

46 comments:

Though I will hardly be able to state my thoughts as eloquently, I think it is a gift for children to be able to care for their aging parents. I realize that it isn't always possible, for children do sometimes move away. So I do not mean to imply that children who cannot do this are somehow less loving.

I have watched my own parents care for my elderly grandmother. For a time, she lived with them until she recovered enough strength to live alone again. But even still, my dad diligently takes care of arranging appointments and driving her wherever she needs to go. I think she is proud to have a son that cares for her.

While the author's position seems quite selfless, I think perhaps it might be robbing her children of this blessing. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Inconvenient? It can be. But it can be a beautiful expression of gratitude for giving them such a good start in life.

This is a complicated issue. I think family should help one another as much as they can. These days, it isn't a given that the younger generation will be able to help the older one, although they might wish to... Interesting thoughts to ponder and beautiful photograph of the women and the baby.

it is an interesting perspective...i think that it comes to personal choice on having children...and each should make their own decision...i would hope we all have someone to care for us at the end of our lives...it is sad to end this life alone...or even have to live it truly alone without community....

can't wait to hear your views. I am a very responsible sort of person, so I feel a certain duty toward my mom, even to sometimes undeserving siblings. My kids mean the world to me, I will help them as long as I can. So life is not easy all things considered, lots of needs to fulfill! I don't think much about what my own needs will be. Each to their own views, being more traditional I feel it's good to have your own kids if you can, even adoption is a good thing.

Namaste.....It is a natural course of reciprocity however having children is no guarantee that they will reciprocate care.

In the Caribbean (Trinidad) where i grew up this was a natural course of life although with the majority there were some that did not.

Life is what it is and we, our parents, grandparent should not take it for granted that because we/they care for us that it will be returned. It is why we must strike a balance between caring for our families and caring for ourselves and enjoy we make previsions for when we get older if we are blessed with many years.

Hello Joseph,I would also like to add that these days with the availability of Retirement Homes, and that too good ones, and even affordable ones, there is no need to burden our children with responsibilities of looking after us. Now a days parents themselves don't like the idea of tagging along with their children, want to be free themselves, and let the children also be free.The world has evolved to make way for such things. I have friends who are happy to lead their retired life in such homes which are really a boon in these times. Previously we did not have such homes, and such concepts, and also we didn't have people living so long, and there was still the system of joint family where there was always somebody to take care.I feel if we thought about this matter a little unemotionally, we will be able to understand the view point, put here.Of course everybody wants t o live independently till it is possible for them, but when time come to have some support system, why not take the support system offered by these institution, which have trained people to give us the support for a nominal price, instead of expecting our children to give us.Also with children living abroad, it is preferable to continue living in a place we are used to living. I am not saying living with kids is not possible,it is possible if things work out to be of satisfaction to both parties, but to force ourselves on them/ expect them to look after us as duty/ making them feel guilty for not being able to look after us/ or we being forced to be with them to look after their house and their children, when we ourselves don't feel like etc., is not right when there are other options to be looked into.Even I would like to read what your blogger friends have to say in this topic. Thanks Joseph.Happy Republic Day!

A very interesting post and representative of the changing world we live in. It is hard to imagine though missing out on the absolute joy of being a parent and holding that precious bundle in your arms for the first time. It does require work and sacrifice and each parent and child is different, it all comes down to choices!

I think parents should plan their retired life well in advance with no expectations from their children. Children have their own lives to lead without being encumbered by aged parents. I also feel that the State also has a responsibility for taking care of old people in terms of providing homes & old age pensions to to those who require support.

This topic is interesting to me since my elderly mother lives with me. I'm happy to be able to help her and she contributes to our household financially, so the arrangement works out well. However, I don't expect my children to take care of me in my old age. If they are busy, I don't want to burden them.

Thanks for the visit to my blog, Joseph.I have amazing and wonderful children and they give me lots of love and support but like Joy I never want to be a burden to them in 'my old age' and hope I will be able to take care of myself to 'the very end' I do not want my children to take care of me if I get sick, all I need is their love!

The premise here should depend on the idea that the family is a basic unit of society whose members genuinely care for each other. Taking that into account, priority should be placed on the well being of each member. If old parents need help, I.e. Financial support, why should their children be selfish enough to provide what they can? In my country, it isn't even imposed. It should be a given concept. Family members help out each other.

One negative mentality of people is to think that having a lot of children will actually make their future lives better as they will be taken care of. However, the children that they need to raise cannot even finish school nor attend one because of poverty. So having a lot of children becomes a burden rather than a blessing.

And will they lead better lives? It all depends on many factors. The parents of these children will then pass the obligation to the eldest and to the other children, to raise each other and support their parents when they are older. And this cycle will never end. Wrong mentality, growing poverty.

This topic has got many angles...first thing children are living in a competitive world where they can't take easy for a minute. I am seeing the youngsters, well, most youngsters, always running. As Rama says, they don't have time to have children and bring them up, well, most of them. Some of them plan well and bring up THEIR children well, but the number is dwindling. And taking care of old parents is out of question. So, it is better for us, parents and the grown up children too, plan saving for their retirement so that they can live in a comfortable retirement home and have medical insurance and money for hiring helpers, when needed. Since joint family system is gone, we have to make up our mind to take care of ourselves till the end. If the children reside locally, they can live in a nearby house. For people who are living abroad, now support groups are there and we have to take their help. And old people should try to help each other, when needed. No burden on children and they will be happy to know that their parents are well and are not dependent on them. Rama's analysis is very good.

Hello Joseph, you raise a very topical question and having lost my mother this past December, it is one I find difficult to answer. My mother lived alone in her own home by her choice. My brother and I would have liked if she lived in a residence where she could have been looked after should any medical emergency arise, and there were several the past few years. Fortunately, my brother lived in the same state and not too far from her home, so he most often would go there to help. I lived 6 hours away and while we would visit as often as possible and also brought her to our home several times, it would not have been possible for her to live with us for many reasons. So I always felt that I was not doing enough to care for my mother. Yes, in years past, families did live together and cared for one another in doing so. I do not feel that living apart means less caring, but it is still difficult at times.Thank you for your recent visit and comment on our recent blog post.

I have several thoughts. My first is that anyone who does not wish to have children for whatever reasons they have should not have children. These people should not be ridiculed or pitied. Children should be born into families who want them. Those children should be loved and cared for by their families. They should feel secure. They should be taught to gradually take more responsibility for their own care until they can do it on their own when the correct time comes. No parent is owed by their children. They need not expect to be supported by their children. That should not have been the reason for having children. At the same time family is a strong unit. Each member has some responsibilities to the unit. These include being pleasant to each other and as available as possible to support each other emotionally when needed. They include not making unreasonable requests of each other such as loans of money or free lodging while on vacation. Most children want to make sure their aging parents are properly cared for. But that does not mean they HAVE to support them or provide them with a place to live. However they can if they so desire.

i don't think anyone should expect children to look after their elderly parents, but i do have much more respect for people who do this. it isn't an obligation and not everyone has the character or will to do it. but, for example in my family, my mother has already asked if i would look after her when she gets too old/if she gets ill and i've said i will do it. in addition to this she has said that i should do it only as long as i feel like i can, and doesn't have an issue with the possibility of being out in a home if i don't have the strength to take care of her. but like many have said, it isn't an obligation and only a way to get back what parents have given to us. x

Interesting post, Joseph. I have three children and all were married but one chose not to have children. I am happy to say that she and her husband just celebrated 25 years of marriage and don't feel any loss because they give so much time and love to others. I guess it's a choice that only the couple can make ...that is if they live in a country that allows open thinking.

Some people especially from different countries have different perspective about this matter. I'm not very particular about their opinion but it is theirs'and I respect it. But for me, I strongly believe that children should support their old parents. The same that parents should always support their young children. Other things do not matter to me as I only do what I think is right using love as my driving source. I love my parents so I will never leave them and I will always support them, like how they supported me :)

It is embodied in the New civil code of the Philippines that a family member should help and support each member of the family. But i think even such obligation weren't written in Laws, children should help and support their old as it is their moral duty to take care of their old. That, in time when they get old their children will take care of them too..

Just my cent of thought. Thank you very much for dropping by at my blog :-Dhttp://www.atimelineofdestiny.com

In some ways, it is understandable that parents expect their children to take care of them. It takes a lot of time and effort to raise children up. However, sometimes it is better for both (as for example when there are serious health problems with the elderly) that someone else (a professional) is hired to take care of them.

Every case is always different. Sometimes children want to take care of their parents, want them to live with them but it is simply impossible because of the work hours or something else.

I had not even considered that such a shift in thinking might have taken place. I am childless myself but I do find myself concerned about the possibility of being alone in my old age and it frightens me a bit. I think if I had children, I would be disappointed if they chose not to help me in a time of need, but I can understand the barriers they might have to that. Good stuff!

I think kids should always try to help make their parents' life better in some way. It depends on the degree of need their parents have. You should always help your family as long as your family has been good to you as well.

A very different perspective which makes me think...I think that children must support their parents - emotionally (mandatory) and financially (if required). They must understand that parents have spent most of their days in taking care of children. Challenges arise when parents become possessive, obsessive, adamant and resist change. If they accept their child's growth and also decide to embrace their child's decisions, life would be good for both the parties.

I would help and support my parents however possible. They were the ones that gave me life, paid for my good education, dealt with me through all of my teenage drama and stood by me when I was a right little terror... they fed me every night and paid for college. They gave me a car and blanketed me with safety and love all my life. I think there comes a point where the favor must be returned.

I think children should help their parents and take care of them as they age. They are family and family should come first if at all possible. It seems only right to return the love and care to the parents that the parents gave to the children when they were small.

Awww I wrote such a long comment and then my internet timed out and I lost it all!! Can't stand it when that happens.Basically I mentioned that I definitely think there comes a time where the tables turn and our folks are in need of our support...and after them being so lovely to us over the years, supporting us through thick and thin and being hard on us when it was needed.. we need to give back. Even if your folks werent the best parents in the world...

The topic itself is only a folio of the youngsters' life history book.There are a good number of subjects for them to be attended to.Which one to be prioritized or what to be prioritized remains unresolved in their life. They accept what comes on their way and reciprocates or resolves as per their minds' condition at that time.We cannot blame them because everything has attained speed leaving no free time to look back or introspect their deed.As Rama said oldsters shouldn't expect much from them and if a little they do,that itself is great.

Nice topic and nice views.O! That image really paining.I feel like writing a line on that old lady.'With no worry and hurry, sits she with her paper pals.keeping aside her age-old umbrella, her sole property'.

I had written something like a poem(ode) on 'What is Life?'.It just reflected in my petite mind.Knowing not how good it is I worded it. If time permits pl.go through. not great

I absolutely understand Rama Ananth's point of view and I'm sure a lot of people share it. What I'm wondering is if it's the right thing not to want children because everything has changed so much. I do not like the changes and I wish we could go back in time where it wasn't all about the career and about adding more and more stress and goals to accomplish in our lives. I wish it was all more about compassion and love - and that includes children for me. People need to wake up to realize that we're making ourselves unhappy with how things are now.

Beautiful posts on this subject! Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog so I could find yours :)

hi! dropping by here again..I agree with the quote: "Life is always changing and we should also change our thoughts according to changing times, for there is really no right or wrong in any thing". True, Life is a constant change and we must have to adapt with the changes in order to get along with our present situation. We must embrace the here and now to get less regrets of the things done and gone.

About Me

Hi, my name is Joseph Thomas Pulikotil. I hope you will find my blog interesting, informative and thought provoking.Please feel free to post your comments, opinions, appreciation,improvements, suggestions or whatever you feel. I will surely visit your blog and we will be good friends.