Pigeons vs. St. Paul: The flying rats win!

​
St. Paul declared war on pigeons long ago and now those nasty flying rats have effectively won the battle. Those freaks will never die, even when they have Mayor Chris Coleman after them stuffing birth control down their throats. How hard can it really be? An epic fail for St. Paul.

We've got an idea: Hire an expert pigeon egg punter (we know one, actually) to scan buildings for eggs ready to hatch. Take some kind of tool and send those suckers flying. The pigeons won't ever reproduce there again. And they'll probably fly over to Minneapolis to coo us into insanity.

The St. Paul City Council is about to give up their fight and instead force business owners to take care of the poop. The pigeons win the war and now their neighbors will spend the rest of their days scooping and scraping the bird shit from their property. One City Council member said it might be time to learn to coexist. Sounds glorious.

After a series of failed or stalled initiatives aimed at reducing pigeon numbers, an ordinance was introduced at Wednesday's council meeting that would require property owners to clean pigeon droppings from their property.

Many buildings in the city already clean their properties of pigeon poop, Safety and Inspections director Bob Kessler said. But the city would enforce the new ordinance with those that don't, a plan that has raised the ire of some downtown building owners.

There was once a plan to poison the birds by hiding birth control in their food. They even considered trapping pigeons and sending them to target shooting practicing places. Classy.