Ummm...Please Don't Steal My Craziness...Okay? Thanks!

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Saturday, April 17, 2010

Yeah...puhleeze...raising a barn has got to be soooo easy compared to what we did today!

Really?

REALLY?

Well then, why did it take all freaking day? Huh? HUH???

God, I really hope it's called a Barn Raising...or else this post seems completely ridiculous...oh wait...it's going to be ridiculous either way. By the way, the answer is yes...this is how I think and speak in everyday life. I have no friends.

So, we got up nice and early and complete the following tasks (by "we," I mean I got up nice and early and Husband completed the tasks) :

Emptied existing shed.

Took care of remaining paint from previous owner (thanks, loser).

Discarded numerous shitty things that were left by previous owner (thanks again, loser).

Took out shelves with holes left by previous owner (you're so awesome, loser).

Organized all tools and lawn crap and threw out crap that didn't work anymore.

Uprooted two trees by hand (He-man...granted, they were dead, but it's still cool to watch).

Cut back evergreen tree for fence lady to measure.

Waited for shed people.

Called shed people to confirm.

Watched Wife weed while trying to keep Crazies out of the road.

Waited for shed people to arrive.

Waited.

Ate lunch.

Waited.

Had to go to shed place to make sure it was right (they thought they had the wrong doors).

Met with deck guy.

Met with fence lady.

That's where it got interesting...see photo layout for details.

Our old crappy dilapidated shed. Notice the lovely moss growing on the North side (that's the only side the moss grows, right?) as well as the water damage that is clearly occurring on the bottom. Lovely...what an eye sore!

It's here! Wow...look at that big red truck. TRUCK! TRUCK! TRUCK!!!

At this point, the driver (a.k.a. Wussy Boy) goes into the backyard to see our old crappy shed. He says that it costs extra to have a shed removed and he's not even sure he's going to be able to do it at all b/c he's afraid that it's going to fall apart when he drives it away (wuss!!!!!). I was so pissed...Bill handled the guy and our fence lady showed up to measure for the fence (she thought the whole thing was ridiculous b/c women are smart and strong and men are wimpy). All of the sudden, the big red truck pulls away and we're left with this...

That's right! Our new lovely shed left on the side of our road...our very busy road. The guy said he had another delivery and would be back later. WTF?

He did came back later...got our old crappy shed on his truck. It didn't fall apart...all this for the extra cost of $25 (the owner of the company...some Amish guy**...yes, I would have been mean to an Amish guy...said the driver could probably do it for an extra $50...and that he would split the cost b/c the salesperson screwed up). Whatever, but really? You couldn't have done this earlier in the day??? You really had to cause us all of this stress?? We were going to give you a $20 tip anyway, Wussy-Boy!*

So, this is what he leaves us with...totally uneven ground and a little bit of clean up (and by "us," I mean Husband b/c it was freaking freezing out and by this point the Crazies were up from their nap demanding food and drink).

He also left this...haha...freaky little squirrel***.

Finally! We're not leveled or anything, but we have a shed and we can put our crap away. Our next house has GOT TO HAVE A GARAGE!!!! I don't wanna do this again (and by "I," I mean Husband)!!!

* In Wussy-Boy's defense, he was a genius at getting this thing placed appropriately and getting it turned around. He worked that flatbed like Wayne Newton works a room in Vegas. I was pretty amazed (yet still cursing him for his wussy ways).

** Had to add: The guy delivering the shed wasn't Amish...the owner of the company was Amish and the poor delivery guy (a.k.a. Wussy Boy) drove all the way down from Lancaster to do these deliveries. It really wasn't his fault at all...the salesperson screwed up and told us that they could take the old shed away...free of charge (yes, we got that shit in writing)!

*** Had to add: I held the bag open while Husband shoveled the squirrel into it. I was so freaking afraid that his taut little tail was going to brush against my hand! Yuck!!! After that, Husband put the bag in the trash...I just found this out and I'm slightly grossed out. The dead squirrel is with our trash...gross.