I Should’ve Gone…

This past weekend was my 20th year high school reunion. Of course I didn’t go. Why would you even ask me that? Have you not read the title of the blog? Acutally, I was out of town on a business trip but I probably wouldn’t have gone even if I wasnt on that trip. I just wasn’t prepared for the crowd of people, the questions, or the small talk. Mind you, I had plenty of time to prepare. I think they announced it and started arranging things maybe a year to a year and a half ago so really not having enough time to prepare is not an excuse. Basically, I just didn’t want to go. A part of me did but the biggest part of me didn’t.

After looking aka stalking some of the Facebook posts about the reunion I kind of regret not going. I mean, if anything it would have been a great time to network and talk to people that I know and feel comfortable around about my business. Opportunity missed. They had such a great time that they are thinking about getting together every two years. Yeah, I need to get this social anxiety shit under control because it would have been great seeing some of my old classmates. Even if I didn’t talk to them much.

I feel like, no take that back, I know that being an introvert is holding me back and hindering any progress that I could possibly make. I don’t drink or smoke so I can’t use that as a coping mechanism when out and about. I have to rely on myself and my own personality. This leads to me standing or sitting in the corner watching everyone else have a great time. Here’s the thing. I don’t really have a problem with crowds as long as I don’t have to be directly involved with anyone in the crowd. Make sense? Okay, let me explain. Here’s an example; I don’t have a problem going to a sporting event that will draw a large number of strangers, as long as I can sit in my seat, watch the game or whatever and not be bothered. Now the issue comes along when the people around me decide to be chummy and want to chat it up. That’s when the nerves kick in and I start to get a little anxious and/or nervous. I freak out, well not really, because I’m worried about my response. Did I say the right thing? Did I say the wrong thing? Did I respond to fast or too slow? Did what I say even make sense. Uggh.. I’ll just get up and leave before this person thinks I’m a total idiot. During the entire ride home I’m now regretting the whole decision to come out in the first place. So yeah, that’s how my mind works.

It’s hard outchea in these introvert streets, homie. It’s either pass or fail. Live or die. Ain’t no in-between. I don’t know why I typed that or what it means but I did so there’s that…

Anyway. If you have some suggestions on how you get over your social anxiety that you think could help me, pass them along. I’m trying to get myself prepared for 2018 now. Yep it’s September 2017 and I’m prepping myself for 2018. It takes just that long for me to get it together. See ya on the flip side.

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4 Replies to “I Should’ve Gone…”

Was it introversion or just plain old fear holding you back?
Fear of rejection
Fear of looking silly
Fear of not measuring up
Fear of not fitting in??
I ask because the implications of your post are either …
1. Theres something inherently wrong with introversion ..therefore it needs to be mitigated like the symptoms of a bad cold.
OR
2. Theres a pronounced weakness embedded in introversion that will keep one from experiencing life to the fullest.
But maybe….
3. There are just as many strengths in introversion as there are in extroversion. And Fear…false evidence appearing real…shows up in different ways.
Signed,
Black Female Introvert in a White Extrovert World , but Im good! Nothing to defend, nothing to prove, nothing to hide!

Good morning I wish your nephew Christopher was here. You too would get alone just fine. Chris is a lot like you. He would be by himself then to really deal with people. Yes he went military but that was hard for him. He has now come out of that shell were he can better deal with people. I would say he has came a very long ways. Take each day as it comes. Try going different places that would give you a crowd where you may have to talk to someone to get what you need. Dont stay long just long enough to get what you need and go. But you cant leave until you ask and receive what you need. The next week try it again until you are comfortable. Keep doing this and in 2018 things will get better.

Yeah… it was probably best that you didn’t come because I would have got you ALL out your comfort zone and been in your face! LOL
Maybe doing the things that make you most uncomfortable will slowly ease the anxiety of it all. Is this why I haven’t seen you as long as we’ve been in Atlanta together?