A window that invites a “borrowed view,” sharing a glimpse of the verdant beauty that lies beyond.

“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road;make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.” - Jim Elliot

Monday, June 20, 2016

You Have Stayed Long Enough At This Mountain

"...You have stayed long enough at this mountain."

Deuteronomy 1:6

Preface: This summer I am studying the book of Deuteronomy and I remembered this post I wrote six years ago. I have moved on from that mountain... but for sure there I times I try to circle back! Original post is here.

And that's when I felt the Lord say...

You have stayed long enough at this mountain, Sheri.

Time to give up that hope.

For me, my bondage has been to
affirmation. Positive affirmation. Now, please don't get me wrong.
Affirmation is a wonderful thing. Very necessary and life giving. We
need encouragement. But for me it can become an obsession. I can't
have affirmation from just some people. It needs to be from all. And
there are some people who need to give me affirmation exactly how I
expect it and if not I am distraught. And nothing else matters in
life.

In the Bible Study by Priscilla Shirer, One In A Million, I saw it as plain as day. Priscilla
was discussing when the Israelites were leaving Egypt and heading to
the promised land. They craved what they left behind in Egypt.
(Numbers 11:4-7) Because the Israelites had experienced the things of Egypt, they selectively only remembered the
pleasure of them and not the bondage of them. They felt that what they knew would have to be better than
anything else that could be offered. They would stick with what they
knew. It worked for them. And as I read the story I wondered how
could you ever desire slavery over freedom? But the truth be told... I
do it all the time.

Early on I would find affirmation however I
could. I wanted attention whether positive or negative made no
matter... just notice me. I grew up trying to find affirmation through
grades or guys. It became addictive. The Lord helped me to see that
the ways I was trying to get affirmation were destructive. They were
not fulfilling.

Then I began to find ways to fill my
need for affirmation in ways that were constructive. Positive
friendships. Trying to change my expectations. Affirming myself. And
yet, it wasn't enough. There would always be one or two people who I
felt should affirm me, but didn't... and I would be crushed.

I came to a crossroads. As I began mentoring some of my
younger sisters-in-Christ, the topic of affirmation would come up. And I
was stuck. I couldn't help them. I couldn't help myself. Some of
them were in the same situation I was. What was I to do?

So,
I decided to force the situation. That didn't work. I tried talking
to others about it. That became gossip. I tried to read books on the
topic... that helped... some. I started to pray for that person to
change. That didn't work. I started to pray that I would change...
now... I began to see some movement... in me.

And I
have felt much relief and freedom. But when I was doing Day Three of
Week One of Priscilla's study-- entitled, "Bound to a Memory" -- I realized I was not yet
free. Completely free. Because I had exchanged my immediate desperate
need for affirmation from a particular person into a future
fulfillment of that need. Meaning, I was finding comfort in the fact
that one day that person would affirm me. I was able to be content
today with that person... and with that need for their affirmation,
because I had finally resigned myself that one day... one day... they
would truly see me... and they would affirm me. And I could be
patient... and wait for that.

And that's when I felt the Lord say... You have stayed long enough at this mountain, Sheri.
Time to give up that hope. Time to not rely upon the hope that I would
ever be affirmed by that person. Not that they won't affirm me... but
that I was to no longer cover my symptoms. I still had that desperate
desire to be affirmed by that person... but I had covered it up... and
that was no longer good enough.

It is now time for me to stop looking back. Stop looking longingly
back. Again, let me reiterate that affirmation in itself is not a bad
thing. Nothing is inherently wrong with it. But I wanted it more than
what God wanted for me. God is offering me an abundant life in
Christ... free from bondage... free from insecurity... free from the
future hope of someone's affirmation. Free from the dependence on
someone else to meet my needs.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

Stand firm, then,

and do not let yourselves be burdened

again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

And
although there will be times, the allure of someone's affirmation will
tempt me... I have resolved to stand firm... and look forward to the
promised land of abundant living that Christ has set before me. And
now... as I move from this mountain... I pray my testimony of God's
faithfulness will encourage those I influence to do the same.