BRIDESMAIDS making my life INSANE!

History- been engaged 3 years. Only 3 BM’s. One my BFF for 25 years. Has good job, no real bills, lives far though. 2nd is my close cousin. Single girl, great job doing LOTs of OT. 3rd very good friend- she’s disabled with 3 kids and has little income. My main concern has been the 3rd as to how she will pay for anything and tryig to make life easy as possible for her because I don’t want her to struggle to be part of things and I love them all. She is the only one on top of things though. She has money in hand and ready to buy her dress. My MOH- #1 is happy with whatever I want and says she is going to get the dress. However, I keep reminding her to make her appt. and she hasn’t. 3# who I was least worried about turns out shes being attitudy and my FH’s family feels she is very jealous and difficult. I’m taking offense to anyone saying anything bad about someone I love but #3 is making it very difficult. Now she’s saying she needs to spend less on the dress cause she’s in like 10 weddings this year. I’m her only family though getting married and I DO feel bad but should I give up the dress we all love (even #2 who I thought couldn’t afford ANYTHING?) I don’t know what to do. I can’t get them all in one room together to have them do diferent dresses for teh sake of price ranges so I found a dress that happens to be at a discount through a reputable place near ME and it literally $16 over what #3 said she wants to spend. Everyone else is VERY happy with this. However, I can’t get her to go try it on already. My MOH is all happy n smiles but procrastinates and if they don’t order thru the retailer I found, they need to order their dress by FEB 19 to get it without rush fees!! I have been hounding them for 6 weeks. I feel like the biggest pain in the ass. I still have SO MUCH to do on my own to have to worry about them. I am literally the one concerned about them spending more. I want to save them whatever possible but if they don’t go soon it’s on THEM for paying a rush fee. I’m so stressed it’s driving me nuts. I’m not comfortable with #2 ordering her dress without everyone else at least telling me when they are going to try theirs on. I don’t know what to do. Is this supposed to be so difficult? 🙁 I’m trying to be really flexible without compromising much of my vision ya know. We are having a NICE wedding and everyone’s known this from the very beginning. I’m not asking for a $400 dress or anything like that but I refuse to do $20 dresses at a formal/black tie wedding. I swear I AM being flexible and helpful. I even called around and my #2 found 6 places by #3 who have the dress and gave her all the info so all she has to do is go and try it on. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@StarIzInkd: Whoa there wall of text. Paragraph breaks would make this much more readable.

It seems like you picked a dress that was over your bridesmaid’s budget. I understand having a vision, but if you are going to adhere to your vision you can’t expect other people to pay for it. I would offer to either pay for the bridesmaid’s dresses, or throw in the extra $20 to have the dress come in under budget.

Cause I’d be paying off their dresses too and I’m struggline paying for everything else on my own. Aren’t they supposed to pay for their own unless the couple is well off? I don’t work. She makes near 6 figures. The other 2 girls have no problem with it at all. I’m just being put in like last place and everyone around e keeps saying maybe she wants an out. I don’t know. I’d rather not have anyone at all I guess. I thought this was going to be fun not difficult.

@StarIzInkd: Honestly, you can’t expect your wedding to be a priority for anyone other that you and your groom. It’s mean spirited to criticize her spending on herself because she’s not spending it on you. I mean, you’re probably spending more on your wedding (ie yourself) than you’ll be spending on gifts for her this year, but it would be crappy of her to judge you for that.

@StarIzInkd: Super confused – did you mix up your numbering? Having a hard time following this….I’m not sure who the difficult one is.

Tell them, this is the dress. Period. It’s in the budget, needs to be ordered. My sister was my PITA, she didn’t get me measurements in time so we’re hoping for the best (She’s the only one who actually got to try the dress on at all)

@Polygon: +1 Mentally counting other people’s money is not a good look on anyone. If it’s important to you to have them in a particular dress, then buy it for them. If they have budget constraints, then adjust your expectations or give them a color and let them pick out a dress on their own.

Yea I now. It’s so uncomfortable worrying about other people’s budgets and money. VERY awkward. Thing is this was all fine. Of course everyone has the right to spend on themselves but I just wouldn’t promise something to someone and then book expensive things to where I can’t afford what I promised. Then I don’t think I should have to change my dresses and have the other girls start over 🙁

I’m told by my one girl that the difficult one isn’t complaining about the $$ now. So I’m now just waiting on them going to get it done. I hate thatI can’t snap my fingers and have it done. I’m trying to save them from rush fees.

@StarIzInkd: They will always wait until the last minute. They will tell you they are having money problems, are in a bazillion other weddings, have no vacation after months of going along with it and after months of making the commitment to you. Honestly, it puts into perspective who actually gives a sh*t about you.

Perhaps that’s being harsh and perhaps I have high expectations of friends, but I would rather be surrounded by people who support me than flakes.

Sorry you are dealing with this. I’d put my foot down and be a bitch about it until the dresses are ordered. If they are having major budget restraints maybe meet halfway and pay for part until she can pay you back.

i paid for half of everyones dress to make it less of a budget thing cause some people had a disposable income some didnt. they all apreciated that we like 120 dollar dress and 60 dollars for them to buy a dress they wear once was an okay amount.

they all need to get measured- would the store measure them with out putting some money down or does the entire amount have to be given at the time of measuerment… i think you need to be very blunt in telling them they are have to get measured now and order the dresses before they have to pay rush fees which will make the dress not fit everyones budget even more so

i understand you completely. There is only one of my five girls who i thought wouldnt be able to afford a dress, but yet none of them are even making an attempt to get one even though i didnt dictate the dress, i let them choose and find one. My MOH has hers but it needs serious alterations and thats not being done either. So i understand what you are going through. Unfortunately i cant offer any advice though becuase mine arent doing what they are supposed to either. Im also struggling to pay for the wedding, i cant help them.

Thank you guys. I ALWAYS bend on everyone and everything and let everyone have their way over mine for the sake of being easy and I’ve already changed my WEDDING DATE for this girl! I’m just sick of always being the one bending and never the one getting my way. I hate to be the bitch and not sure I even can. I feel like I’m being annoying as hell and what else can I do.

I even said I’d help them resell the dresses on ebay after since I did that from a friends wedding and got 1/2 my $ back on my MOH dress. My girl who has kids and is sick and has $ probs if the only one on board and she offered to pay the diff in the other girs dress so they can all have the dress they want and be happy. I told her absolutely not! Of all people I don’t want her paying anything extra and its not her concern. Very sweet f her but just no. I just can’t wait til this part is all done with. I hate feeling like 2 of them are ditching me/ignoring me.