“Why is this shit so expensive?”

Yesterday, I received a short yet courteous email asking Me about the possibility of buying My scat via mail order. I answered that I do indeed offer this service, with next day delivery and discreet packaging. I quoted My tribute as £100, pressed the send button, and thought nothing more of it. Then I received this:

“Thank you for the reply, i may shop as wierd as that sounds. I really wanted your scat especially because i want to sesion with you, also because its more likely to be safer from you in my opinion. Its a lot more than i expected you would quote me if im honest.I may contact you dependingthanks, chee“

Well, I though to Myself, this gentleman seems to be caught in quite a dilemma. It does appear that he cannot decide between quality and bargains! He clearly has a taste for the better things in life, yet he seems unable to justify spending the money on them. Being a truly kind soul, I sat down and began to type out an email that would hopefully allow him to see the light and maybe even help this poor lost soul enhance his life experience. As I was writing this email, it dawned on Me that it conveys many ideals that I have had trouble putting into words until now. So let Me share with you My response to dear little confused chee. I call this work: ‘Why is this shit so expensive?’

“Dear chee,I am glad that you are aware of the superior quality of My product. It is due to My high standards of work ethics and the lifestyle choices that I have made that I am able to provide such precious confections.The pristine state of My evacuate entitles it to be of higher monetary value than you might have desired it to be for your immediate convenience; a point of view that might also manifest itself when you are “shopping around” for other things such as a tailor, a bank, or a car. A cheap shirt will always have appeal when one first compares it to those in the shop with the carved and varnished wood window frames and door. Look at the cheaper of the two shirts. Hold it in your hands. Rub two layers of it together between your thumb and index finger. Now do the same with that from the boutique. Admire the seams, both their tightness and their quality. Look at the pattern of the carefully placed stitched accents on the second shirt. Feel the collar and enjoy the way it fits perfectly around your throat and chest. The fabric is so rich and smooth. Its thickness renders all underclothing invisible and it almost crinkles when you move. This is the shirt you must choose. It will last you a lifetime, if properly taken care of. The number of new cheap shirts that you will buy in your lifetime have probably already amounted to nearly a dozen of the sort that you consider abhorrently expensive.Like anything else of true value, I am an investment. Having chosen to devote My life to the pursuit of a gynarchic lifestyle, I am destined an Empress.I have built My Queendom on firm values that will serve as foundations for the construction of My greater Dominion. When you admire Me, it is not only My present that you see: the roots of My future are already growing deep within the soil under My feet.You may “shop around” chee, do so by all means. But you will come back to Me; if not this time, then the next. You came to Me first for a reason. You felt something stir inside you when you saw Me for the first time. Shop around as much as you wish. Look at the Fiat 500’s, the Mini Coopers and the Beetles… your heart will always pine for the Oxford green 1967 E-type.Sincerely,Mistress Evilyne” The moral of this story is: “If you want cheap shit, go to poundland.”

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2 Comments

Kent

I wonder what would be the price to be used as a toilet let’s say for a week? I mean, just eating a Mistress shit everyday, drinking piss and nothing more. I always wanted to try myself. Ideally it would be a month living just with shit and piss.

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