Funny Health Quotes

Live each day like you have a significantly better health insurance plan… If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport – you will get a free x-ray and a breast exam and; if you mention AL QAEDA, you will get a free colonoscopy… I am not crazy, i prefer the term mentally hilarious… Your skin isn’t paper don’t cut it. your face isn’t a mask, don’t cares it. your size isn’t a book, don’t judge it. your life isn’t a film, don’t end it. you are beautiful… I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it’s health benefits. the other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves… An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit… People say you can’t live without love. i think oxygen is more important… I failed a health and safety course at work today. one of the questions was: “in the event of a fire, what steps would you take? “big ones” was apparently the wrong answer!… That one hour spent in the GYM is important. but the key to seeing results is how you spend the rest of your 23… Some people are ill because they care too much about their health…Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which ones to surf.

But When I DO

I don’t always go to the GYM but when i do, i don’t know what the hell i’m doing.

Becareful About Reading

Be careful about reading health books. you may die of a misprint.

I’m Just Special

I’m not crazy i’m just. special! no, wait maybe i am crazy, hmmm, one second. i need to talk to myself about this .. hold on.

Health Insurance

Wouldn’t it be nice if retail therapy was covered by health insurance?

Warning Shot

Do i need to fire a warning shot into your head?

My Medication

Boy, i say boy.. you’re about to exceed the limitations of my medication.

Prepared For Marriage

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

We’re All Crazy

Relax, we’re all crazy, it’s not a competition!

For All Of You

For all of you who gossip about me: thanks for making me the center of your world!

Dream Big

When you dream , dream big

Eat Less Sugar

Sat less sugar , you’re sweet enough already.

Clearly Explain

You must clearly explain your problem.

Everybody Else Does

Laugh at your problems , everybody else does.

Mental Health Day

I think the idea of a ‘mental helth day’ is something completely invented by people who have no clue what it’s like to have bad mental health.

The Best Activities

The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.

The Word The Lazy Use

Obsessed is the word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.

They Forget

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons they forget to mention morons.

Not Caffeine

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

If Your Dog Is Fat

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.

To Get Rich

To get rich never risk your health. for it is the truth that health is the wealth of wealth.

When People Suck The Life

When people suck the life out of you, wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat too?

Being Normal

Being normal is boring.

I Recently Applied

I recently applied for a part-time job at a mental hospital. now i’m there full-time and they won’t let me leave.

Feed Your Muscles

Feed your muscles right and they’ll come back for more.

Wake Up

Wake up with determination. go to bed with satistaction.

Doctors Make Mistakes

Even doctors make mistakes, mine asked me to undress.

There’s A Place

So you’re telling me there’s a place called GYM, where people pay to do hard work?

I DId It For

I did not become a vegetarian for my health, i did it for the health of the chickens.