Dear Antwaun: What I Would Say If I Were Fantasia

In the new issue of Sister 2 Sister Magazine, singer Fantasia candidly discusses what went wrong in her relationship with Antwaun Cook. Their very public relationship has been played out in the media from day one—how she fell in love with a married guy, how he left his wife for her, her pregnancy, an alleged suicide attempt by her, the break up, his admission of cheating on her, and now her explaining why it won’t happen again. It’s almost like she feels she let her fans down and she’s making it up to us by promising that she’s learned her lesson.

She says she’s learned from her mistakes and has discovered that importance learning to love herself before loving others.

But what about Antwaun? What if anything has he learned?

Here’s a young man from Charlotte, North Carolina who after beginning a relationship with Fantasia gained instant celebrity status. The former T-Mobile salesman reportedly left his wife and child to pursue a life with someone who offered him an immediate upgrade….and no long-term contract.

Was he wrong? Absolutely. I don’t know anything about his home life, how he grew up or what role models he had or didn’t have. But I also know that you don’t have to be a 20-something dude from the south to get caught up in a highly publicized extra-marital scandal.

Antwaun is in good company, From high-ranking politicians, to pastors and priests, to school principals and TV stars, Antwaun and others have been given a template of how to break moral codes, ignore marriage vows and live double lives.

The boys will be boys wink and nod attitude only works when you look at the small picture. The big picture includes lots of casualties…in the Cook/Barrino case: his ex-wife, their child, Fantasia and their child, and even her older daughter. Throw Antwaun in there too. He’s a celebrity now but without the income to provide for his current two families. If you Google “Fantasia’s Baby Daddy, his name pops up more than 14,000 times. You can read about who he’s currently dating and his new job as the owner of a bail bonds company.

A lot of love and support comes Fantasia’s way as it does to any woman whose heart has been broken, especially by a married man. I do hope that she learns to love and value herself and to discern who she can and cannot trust.

But the Antwauns of the world need to hear that same message. Some of their behavior is also a result of self-esteem issues and them not really understanding their self-worth. As mothers of sons, it’s never too soon to let them know our high expectations are of them. Before they begin dating we should put as much scrutiny on their prospective girlfriends as they most likely will place on our boys. Let’s not spend our entire investment on girls and leave it our boys to figure things out.

In case Antwaun has never heard it, it isn’t too late for him to become the man, the father and husband he’s destined to be. And it isn’t too early to let our boys know they are expected to do the same.