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Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Contemplating the Infinite

Today, a sweet and dear friend lost their battle with cancer. I am devastated, and at the same time, I am inspired to consider the options we have in life and in facing the beyond. Those who know me know that I am not a religious person. I do not find solace in arms of any kind of savior. I believe that life is about what we do in it, not striving for some reward after it. The more good we do, the better we make the world around us, and that is what life is about: performing mitzvahs.

I really don't think I do enough, thinking about it objectively. I maybe do little things... donate quilts sometimes, let my son and dau-in-law live with us rent-free while they are seeking employment, let people into my lane when driving, all little things in the scheme of the bigger picture. I don't want acclaim for the things I do, they are indeed very small things. I know I can do more. I don't know really what I might want to be remembered for when I'm gone... I know I don't want people to shrug and say 'big deal' when I'm gone. I need to strive for more.

I know me though, and I'm afraid I don't know where to start. I'm not the kind of person who gives hugs to random strangers or hands out food in homeless camps... I sometimes do pay for the random car behind me at Starbucks, which is fine and anonymous, and that's how I frequently pay forward my gratitude for the abundance in my life - anonymously.

Still, not sure how to proceed with making the world a better place. I hope I can find a way, because we are all mortal and every one of us has an expiration date... I guess I just want to make a difference before mine comes due.

Having contemplated this now, I'm not sure where it's leading me... I hope I find a path and follow it while I still can. I know that for most of us, the love and acknowledgment of family and close friends is enough. My family is very small, and my close friends are a very small group as well... I guess I just need to know there is still time to make a difference to all I know.. and maybe a broader circle as well. When is it too late to remake ourselves? Maybe never?

Time is fleeting... Life is short... Live like there's no tomorrow... get it done today!