Did You Find Your Zen?

The only Zen you find on the tops of mountains
is the Zen you bring up there.

Robert M. Pirsig
from: The Little Zen Companion Book

Hello dear blogging community of friends!

I have been thinking of you and missing my blog. Missing to write and to shoot some photos but not making time for that.

I haven’t had time because I have been busy at work, doing things I also love. It’s been hard but it’s been rewarding. It’s not always that one can say that about work, right? And it’s been good because I keep facing challenges, making mistakes, and overcoming the obstacles with success, learning more every day.

I have lately caught myself thinking that 24 hours a day are not enough to live life to its full potential; and I’m thirsty to live more. Even if everything may not always be as happy as I wanted.

However, I had been missing that peaceful space in my head, that feeling of zen that I get when relaxed and humble. I haven’t felt like that often as my adrenaline has been on a high and running at full speed on a daily basis.

That’s what brought me to revisit the above quote about zen, that I had in my notes for a while.

My writing today is a bit rusty, so forgive me if I sound like a cliche. I probably am. Consider that I’m talking to myself aloud in public space, and not afraid of it. So be it.

Life is made of both, the yin and the yang, right?My zen is not always here if I don’t make space for both of it. That sentence is banging in my head. No matter how high the imaginary mountain I climb everyday, I need to bring my peace with me, and feel and see it also when I’m down in the valley of issues and challenges.

Not judging is the key …says my yoga teacher. Just observing. Not judging me nor others. Accepting that the unexpected is expected and doing the best one can to deal with it. How easy is to say this.

And then I sit here in my living room, drink a cup of green tea, close my eyes and observe. I hear my breathing, my heart, I hear the birds singing in a spring morning. I hear the sound of a plane passing far away, I hear the sound of a car breaking hard at the other side of the canal I live.

I open my eyes and observe. A mother arrives with a 10-12 y/o kid. A man opens the door. They don’t talk to each other. She is probably bringing the kid to her father. Divorced parents. The mother leaves and the kid runs frantically after the car. Then the kid returns and starts crying. That got me. Deeply.

I thought of my stepdaughter at that age. I thought of her now at age 17. How hard was to be that 6 y/o kid I met for the first time? How hard is to be the 17 y/o girl becoming a women? We haven’t seen nor talked to each other lately, so I cannot answer that.

Now you’re thinking? Where is she going now? Well, I was trying to meditate when this all happened. So I closed my eyes again. And meditated for some minutes. I focused on not focusing and to think or to do whatever. Then I gave up to focus and focused on nothing. At last.

My husband woke up and my meditation ended. We had a long talk about his daughter struggles and about my work. Busy times, not missing the obvious hurt, challenges, reflections and learnings. Lots of it. For both of us.

My search for balance becomes even more important to recharge and take care of myself and ourselves.

The image of that kid didn’t leave my mind.

That kid who is perhaps afraid. Afraid of not being able to express herself. Afraid of not being able to handle the situation. Afraid of making things even worse. Afraid of making choices.

That kid who is perhaps in conflict between dad and mummy. That kid who after all, made choices, and in doing so, hurt one or the other, and herself. That kid who is not prepared nor matured enough to understand neither.

That kid who is perhaps suffering and is perhaps not noticing that she is making others suffer. That kid that needs help but doesn’t ask for. That kid who just needs love. And who cannot see that both parents love her too.

Perhaps that kid gave me the answers I was looking for and helped me to accept reality for what it is. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. So be it.

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Sharing sights & insights captured with diverse angles.
Ex-corporate, now my own boss. Cycling, hiking, cooking, reading, yoga, writing and photography, are no longer only hobbies listed on my resume. It's what I do when I want.

Hi Debbie! Miss you. Thanks for reading and for liking it. I felt a bit rusty! I need to write more. At last for now the zen, which is acceptance, is there. Nothing more. I’m going to bed now. Thanks again. Have a lovely day! 😘

Acceptance, not judging… I find both hard to do, Lucile. But then, it’s not meant to be easy, is it? 🙂 🙂 Making time to talk to your partner, though- that’s important. Good to know you’re mostly enjoying life.

Hi Lucile. Welcome back. I enjoyed reading your post. I will be thinking about the child and her parents for a while to come. You wrote about it so well. Glad you’ve found your zen again. I think I need a GPS locator for mine!

Hi Su, thanks. It’s not really a comeback and more of a flashy visit! Sorry that I took time to reply. Hope you’re well.
And about my zen, I keep looking for it everyday too. Sometimes nowhere to be found. So don’t give up!

I thought zen was a 4-letter word…just kidding! So nice to hear from you, Lucile. Beautiful and thoughtful post (as per your usual), making us aware of the quietly mundane things around us, and perhaps the vexing moments as well.

hi ya’ i was just thinking about stopping by your blog today since i said i would. a lot of work things have kept me away too – i was coming close to a missing a whole year. but i’m working to find things that keep me coming back. we’ll see if the work pays off or at least pays me what i deserve!

Hi mcgyver. Nice to read your message. It feels good. It looks like we share the same reasons for our absence. Still is great that we connect no matter how often.
It should be ok to disappear sometimes from the blogosphere. Just like in life, we go through renewal sometimes.
I trust you will get what you deserve, though.

i agree, it’s nice to hear – or read – from you too! and if you couldn’t disappear from the blogosphere that would make it more a prison than an outlet. also getting away from something can sometimes give you a reason to come back. too true every one should get what they deserve, cheers!

Nice to see a post by you again, Lucile. I’m glad you’ve found your center again, at least for now. I think being centered comes and goes, but if you’re mostly centered most of the time, it’s a blessing. If we can at least realize when we aren’t centered, then we can work back toward that place.

I was in France earlier in the summer, but now I’m on vacation in the mountains of Wyoming, which is why I’m not blogging. I’m glad to read that things are going well for you. Where will you go for your vacation?

Dear Yoda,
I think we have all been and all seen that kid at one time in our lives. I guess the only thing to do is to follow Bob Dylan’s advice and “keep on keepin’ on…into our future moments, one moment after another. Namaste deer one that we all miss.

I know…just where in the world are you these days? Working? I’ve been MIA for a few weeks (work does get in the way some times, and life stuff along with it). I would love it if someone would pay me to blog stuff.
And yeah…Bob Dylan is always the answer. And Bob Seger.

Hi Tish, what a heartwarming message. The virtual encounters and connections we created here mean so much to me and that’s why I miss so much bring more present on the blogosphere. Thank you! Hope you’re well!

I love the zen quotation; it’s exactly the message I need to heed many times. I’m glad you had the chance to clear your mind and attain a smidgen of peace and understanding about all you have going on right now. I love adrenaline-filled days of testing and achievement, but we do all need to hit “pause” sometimes and find the still center. Happy to see you back here briefly! (I’ve been pretty absent myself lately.)

Hi Lex. I need this message every day. The search for clarity of mind and inner peace will continue being a life long practice, as it is not such an easy exercise.
Happy to see you here. I’ve been in and out but mostly absent.
My very best wishes to you.