TWO HOURS and 15 minutes later, we walked out with more questions than answers.

There is still a dumb stupid spot on the screen. It’s not supposed to be there and I’ve realized that the only thing worse than a confused radiologist, is a confused wife.

Stoopid “c” word. Don’t mess with us. We will

take.

you.

out.

(and in true Once Upon A Miracle fashion… the above photo was taken .14 seconds before the signal reached my brain and my left hand jerked sideways and I started screaming, HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT OH SWEET ROCKIN HOTTIE MAGNUM DADDY THIS THING IS HOT!)

So I’m sticking to the funny. Or embarrassing. Or embarrassing to me and therefore probably funny to you.

The kid was happily clutching his Star Wars Lego set that he picked out with his chore money… so I decided to speed shop for a summer shirt.

Knowing I was already on borrowed time, I grabbed nine shirts in a matter of seconds and dashed toward the fitting rooms.

I kid you not. The employee made eye contact with me, spun on her heel, and walked off. Leaving me with a row of locked doors.

(And one bored husband waiting for his wife, who suddenly started paying attention to the scene).

Scene? I didn’t make a scene. Of course not. Who do you think I am?

Nevermind. Don’t answer that.

With a “shh” face to the not-so-bored-anymore husband, I whispered to Itty Bit. He looked at me incredulously.

And in two seconds flat, he had his face pressed to the floor trying to shimmy under the dressing room door.

People… it was six inches off the floor. He squeezed his precious little head in; then I thought it was going to be terrible, just terrible if his poor little butt got stuck.

But after he wriggled through and disappeared… I suddenly had an even more terrible thought.

WHAT IF SOME POOR HALF-DRESSED SUNBURNED PACIFIC NORTHWEST LADY WAS WRESTLING WITH A ZIPPER AND MY NINJA KID POPPED IN LIKE AN UNSTUCK CORK AND WAS STANDING THERE TELLING HER THAT HIS MOMMY SENT HIM..??!

The little stinker stood there and likely admired his reflection for a full 12 seconds before unlocking the door for his very worried momma.

He must have sensed my almost-freaked-out relief to see him in there alone. As I tore through the first three shirts in quick succession, he sweetly smiled up at me…

“Momma? You’re pretty”.

Awwww…. melt. Gimme a hug.

“Momma?”

“Yes Honey?”

“Why are you fat?”

Now… I didn’t exactly hear the not-so-bored-waiting-husband snort, but I have a feeling he was enjoying the entertainment.

18 comments:

I'm pretty sure I never called my mom fat, but I would giggle loudly (and snort) when she tried certain things on. I always gave all the other people in the fitting rooms something to chuckle about. ;-)

Ahhh those amazing moments in public with children, when Mommie is standing on one side of the door while your children speak loud enough from the other side for anyone in the room to hear. Yes, I remember such a moment myself... it became known as the incident at Oak Meadow Park. My 3 year old announced a crtically urgent bathroom need, and we raced into the park's ladie's room with a long row of stalls. My child leaped onto the toilet while I stood diligenly holding the door. (She was always sure that even if she locked the door, some stranger could come in, if I wasn't holding it - so I knew my job without being told and faithfully stood guard) Just as some nice, quiet lady came in to wash her hands my daughter announced from behind the door, "Mommie there's corn in my poop!" The nice, older lady smiled a knowing smile, which I returned and shrugged. What can you do?! These moment keep us human... :)

That is why Mr. Daddy stays with you, aside from the fact that he is kinda sorta crazy about you, but because you keep him laughing. I would have cracked up had there been someone on the other side of the door. I am glad there wasn't can you imagine the trauma Itty Bit would have had from it, let alone you?? Mr. Daddy however would have been in the floor in the fetal position laughing till tears rolled and the threat of peeing himself in public became a very real possibility.

Forgive me if this posts twice. I already commented once and it got lost somewhere in cyberspace. Just wanted to say that judging from your pictures, you don't look fat. My daughter once told me my stomach looks like bread dough.

the other day while getting my oil changed with the kiddos in the truck too, we had the windows down and all the other bays were full. Sawyer and Brynn started bickering back and forth, he being the instigator this time, and Brynn just had had enough. and with a loud, sassy voice she called him a boobie!

Lol! Oh Itty Bitty. And yes just last week Alex asked me in public why I had gotten fat again. And no I am not pregnant I just have not been exercising since my kids have revolted and don't want to go to exercise class with me anymore.