Category Archives: Sex Education

Viagra commercials notwithstanding, are couples in their 50’s still having sex and, indeed, still sexy? I’d love to take the advertising route and paint a picture of hot and horny passion, still-optimal sexual function downstairs, and a wife heating up my libido like in our dating days; however, the truth may dismally disappoint. Sorry, dear readers, but sex in our 50’s is nothing like it was 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Menopause, erectile dysfunction, stress, raising a kid, and financial issues have all conspired to turn our marriage from hot, to… Continue reading →

In 2000, we began this website as an ongoing exercise in keeping our relationship fresh and exciting – sexually – by seeking to expand our relationship boundaries (though stopping short of exceeding monogamy) through sex toys, BDSM, watching porn and reading erotica, role playing, love making experimentation, and education. Looking back over the last 15 years or so, it would be an understatement to say we’ve tried just about everything a long-term marriage could bear in terms of intimacy, and it goes without saying that many of our forays resulted in spectacular sensual highs we continue to enjoy sporadically – anal sex, vibrators, spanking, to name a few – while others fell flat and faded over time (porn watching, BDSM, and reading erotica). Indeed, whereas we once gauged our sexual health by high frequency intercourse, we’ve now become satisfied with once or twice per week, enduring long stretches of inactivity without the need to seek marriage counseling or panic because we think it a sign we’ve lost our physical passion. Our own assessment finds our sex life has settled into a pattern of boring predictability; however, rather than recoil at this undeniable cooling of our once mighty libidos, we find plenty of excitement in our lust for both each other and the remainder of our lives together. Continue reading →

They say variety is the spice of life, and provocative new research by scientists in Ohio suggests that that holds true in the world of human sex and reproduction.

With the help of 21 men and some porn videos, The College of Wooster researchers showed that guys ejaculate faster and produce more, higher-quality sperm when they masturbate to a “novel female stimulus.”

In other words, they really get off with a hot woman they’ve never previously encountered. Continue reading →

Few cultural symbols have as much heft as the “traditional” nuclear family. You know the one: two heterosexual parents, two kids, one dog, two tablespoons of white picket fence, whisk gently. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that—it’s just not how I was raised.

My parents are polyamorous, a Greek/Latin mishmash word meaning romantic non-monogamy with the consent of everyone involved. As a kid, I lived with my dad, my mom, my mom’s partner, and for a while, my mom’s partner’s partner. Mom might have up to four partners at a time. Dad had partners too. I was raised by an interconnected network of grownups whose relationships weren’t exclusive but remained committed for years, even decades.

There are a lot of Tantra and sexuality teachers out there teaching strict rules about sex…

– Woman: Don’t you dare have a clitoral orgasm! It’s so immature, and you’ll become grumpy and disconnected

– Man: Don’t ejaculate or you’ll end up energetically depleted

…

– Both of you: Don’t even bother to orgasm at all, you’ll have a dopamine crash and end up personally destroyed

I think rules like these are like “fad-diets” – they sound sexy and like they’ll work. And you might even get some quick results, until you crash and it probably isn’t even all that healthy to begin with.

A lot of these teachers become notorious and get a lot of attention, just like “fad-diet” gurus.

People love rules – they give a certain comfort – they make you feel like you’re really getting somewhere.

Just as we’ve battled with our addictions and use of food, we’ve been battling our addictions and use of sex.

The answer isn’t crazy control, it’s balance, and the simple choices day in and day out.

When it comes to sex, it’s just like diet. Eat real food. Not too much. Mostly Plants.

When it comes to sex….Make real Love. Relax and Be Present. Breathe deeply and follow your Impulses.

I think a lot of “spiritual teachings” actually end up setting us on a path for war with ourselves.

Kill your ego. Stop desiring so much. Let go. Surrender. Either be celibate, or at least stop ejaculating or orgasming so much.

For God’s Sake: WHY?

Do you really think the creator set you up so that all of your natural impulses are the path to destruction?

Where does going to war with your humanity make you more real, more present, more alive?

Because if it isn’t real and present and alive, then it isn’t spiritual.

Same goes for sex.

If you find yourself controlling, battling and restricting your sexuality, it’s just sending you down another rabbit hole.

I believe the only true redemption comes first and foremost from being fully in love with and fully at peace with our humanity – and a huge part of humanity is sexuality.

Anything that isn’t arising from that kind of deeply self-loving foundation is a masked escape.

After reading a recent HuffPost article about post-menopausal sex that struck me as somewhat depressing, I started to wonder how sex as I knew it would evolve once I crossed over to “the other side.” Was the reality for most women really as grim as what the media tells us is true? Or can sex after menopause morph into a richer and more nuanced experience? And if it does, why aren’t we reading those stories? L

iam is a 65-year-old man who wrote to share his experiences with steady sex partners from ages 50 – 68. If his sampling is an accurate gauge of the range of post-menopausal sexual response, then many of us perimenopausal ladies can look forward to enjoying robust sex lives, possibly in more creative ways than we’d ever imagined — especially for those of us fortunate enough to have a lover as sensitive as Liam.

I had a lover who began menopause at 51 with no other symptoms than the hot flashes/end of menses.

Her very strong libido was unaffected. We did not center intercourse in our practices, so I can’t recall if there was any effect on that. She was accustomed to having endless and sometimes ejaculatory orgasms from non-genital stimulation of various sorts, so we mostly didn’t notice menopause’s effects. Continue reading →

We could run down a litany of (warranted) excuses. We were not only still recovering from a 2012 severe financial crisis, but we had made the decision to move our mother into our home for her final exodus into death. Her Parkinson’s disease and dementia had finally taken their toll and she declined continually throughout the year until her final breath on November 7th. The remainder of the year brought visitors, paperwork, the holidays, and every distraction imaginable – not to mention the onset of menopause and the simple process of aging. Our 50’s are upon us and our collective libido is getting harder and harder to coerce into intimacy.

“You are responsible for your own orgasm,” my boyfriend told me. He was the guy I lost my virginity to, the guy I had my first orgasm with, and the guy whose words would one day become my mantra: I am responsible for my own orgasm. I believe that literally and figuratively. In bed, I play an active role in getting what I want. But I also take charge of getting what I want throughout my sexual life.