Students who dress up for 8ams ridiculed but still get the last laugh

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Arriving to her 8 a.m. sociology class in black heels and a semi-formal dress, F. Ort ’17 received incredulous stares from her sleep deprived, sweatshirt wearing classmates early on the morning of Nov. 15. She grabbed her usual seat next to Al L. Nighter ’17, dressed in a full tuxedo. Sources confirm that since the start of the semester, both Ort and Nighter have not once failed to dress meticulously each day for their earliest class.

“I honestly don’t understand how, or why, they do it,” Ort’s and Nighter’s classmate Lei Zee ’18 said. “I can barely put shoes on with enough time to make it to this class, and here they are every time, looking like they’re about to interview for a job or something. Unless, of course, they actually are interviewing for impressive, high-powered jobs after every class. Which wouldn’t surprise me, because they’ve clearly established their superiority through the sheer time and effort they put into their appearances, while most rational people are still asleep,” Zee said.

“Look, being awake this early is hard enough. The last thing any of us need is some perfume-wearing goody-goody tux-wearer to rub it in our disheveled, unshowered, makeup-free oily faces,” Pea said.

Ort was last seen blissfully ignoring the vengeful glares of her peers as she nonchalantly made her way to her 9:30 a.m. class to establish her superiority to yet another group of unshowered classmates.

As this article was about to go to print, both Zee and Pea realized the joke was on them after learning that Ort and Nighter had each received job offers from Deloitte, Accenture, PricewaterhouseCoopers, and Nielsen Holdings PLC.