It is the draw for the World Cup this afternoon. Lots of people are already predicting England to fail to progress past the group stage. I don’t know – if we are drawn against these three teams, I think we’ll be OK…

I shouldn’t really take pleasure from the misfortunes of others, but when I saw that Wales had failed to qualify for the next World Cup, I laughed so hard, that a little bit of wee came out.

I’ve nothing against the Welsh, or their fine country. The reason their nation team’s failure gave me so much joy, is because of their mockery of England, last summer, when we were knocked out of Euro 2016.

Gareth Bale claimed no Englishmen would get into the Welsh national side (conveniently forgetting that a large number of his team were English-born). We’ll, who’s laughing now?

England are pretty useless. They will be lucky go make it through the group stage in Russia, next summer. I have little doubt that it’ll be 3 games of disappointment… but it’s 3 games more than Bale will be playing!

Last night, England qualified for the World Cup, by beating some team at Wembley… I think it was either Slovenia or Slovakia. It could well have been Greenland, such was my lack of interest. I watched the final five minutes. It was poor, and listening to the commentary, it sounded like the previous 85 minutes had been just as boring.

England scored in injury time, to win 1-0 and qualify for next year’s tournament in Russia. I sighed. What is the point in even going? We’ve seen it all before. England will be crap. If they do make it through the group stage, they’ll inevitably lose in the first knockout round.

Before you could call me cynical, remember – England haven’t beaten any country in a knockout stage since Ecuador in 2006. They have been beaten by Portual (twice), Germany, Italy and Iceland. Not forgetting, that in 2008, they didn’t even qualify, and in 2014, failed to make it out of their group. Not good, is it?

I am looking forward to the World Cup, but only because I will be able to watch good teams… Germany, Argentina, Brazil and Spain, amongst others (not England).

As England have absolutely no chance of winning the damn thing, why not make their visit to Russia more entertaining? Instead of taking a squad of well-known players from The Premier League, England manager, Gareth Southgate, should run a competition. Inite Sunday League and pub team players to win a place in the World Cup squad. It doesn’t matter how old, slow, alcohol dependant, or obese they are – anyone can enter, and anyone can win a place on the plane to Russia!

If the regular England squad was to play World Champions, Germany, right now, they would probably lose 5-0. If a Dog and Duck XI faced Germany, they’d probably lose 50-1. A loss is a loss, regardless of the score line. However, watching Benson and Hedges try to stop Mesut Özil from scoring would be a lot funnier than getting depressed as Gary Cahill and John Stones struggle to do the same.

I use a crutch, so there is zero chance of me running, but the thought of getting an England cap and playing against Portugal – hopefully breaking Cristiano Ronaldo’s leg with my walking aid – sound appealing. When’s training, Gaz?

For years, I have watched England enter both World Cups and European Championships. Every time, I have believed that this will be our year, the players will gel, performing as well for their country as they do their club and lead our nation to victory. Every tournament – usually ten minutes into the opening match – my dreams go up in smoke.

Did I mention I was talking about the England men? You know – Wayne Rooney, John Terry, Ashley Cole – those useless gobshites.

Luckily, our country has a football team to be proud of. There are three differences between this new team and the one associated with the likes of Sven, Roy Hodgson and ongoing failure.

The differences are…
1) They really want to win for their country
2) They’re not shit
3) They are women

The Lionesses, who two years ago came 3rd in the World Cup, two years ago, have now reached the semi-finals of the European Championships, having beaten Scotland, Spain, Portugal and France. Imagine the men claiming victories against these teams – they can’t even beat Scotland!

It isn’t just the English girls who are a joy to watch. Players from all sides in the competition generally want to win. Remarkably, there is no diving, no theatrical performances, after a foul or mistimed tackle, and no surrounding the referee, after a decision is made that they don’t like. You would never see this in a match involving men.

In fact, the vast majority of aspects we all complain about, don’t seem to be present in the women’s game.

England play their next game on Thursday night, against the host nation – The Netherlands. I am sure that they will continue to do themselves and our country proud. Let’s all get behind them and give the girls the support they deserve!

Sean's Stories

On this website, you’ll find me blogging (almost) daily about everyday life, living in Bath, working with computers, and the occasional bit of football stuff thrown in.

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