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Hello CDAN fans! Jax here. Enty is on a flight and asked me to post a little something to get you through the rest of Friday until quitting time. Buckle up!

So last night I'm checking out some of the latest tweets and I come across what can only be described as inane ramblings from Lindsay Lohan. Wow. I know there is New Jersey bound flatbed of dysfunction in that family, but damn girl, keep it to yourself! What purpose does it serve to tweet for hours about how your dad is a dirtbag and that the paparazzi are lying scumbags? Tell us something we don't know, Lilo. Actually don't. Don't tell us anything more. Keep it zipped. Close your twitter account. Stop Twitterbating. It's self indulgent, self serving and unhealthy. And it might make your palms hairy.

Can you imagine if Daddy Spears had allowed Britney a cellphone and free access to her twitter account? Or a bra? We would have had these gems to look forward to:

"Hey ya'll! @Adnansuxballz!" or "@JamieLynn is knocked up at 16, you owe me $10, Mom! #babydaddy" or the gas station classic "@velveetammm it goes well with @cheetos and @fanta #chestercheetorocks"

I mean really. I love the celeb follow list like everyone else. And if I'm being honest, I only signed up in the first place to see Courtney Love attempt a 3rd grade writing level, but this is getting a little out of hand. At what point does it go from being entertaining and networking to watching a train wreck in under 140 characters? And better yet, who's bringing the popcorn?

Seeing that video earlier this week of the guy jumping from the outside of Stratosphere in Las Vegas got me to thinking about scary things and the most scared I have ever been. I would love to know what is the scariest thing you have faced.

The wonderful people over at Lane Bryant wanted to run an ad featuring their new line of lingerie. They wanted specifically to do this during Dancing With The Stars and American Idol. ABC gave them a big fat no, and FOX made them cut the ad three times and then restricted them to the final ten minutes of the show. Lane Bryant does a great job explaining the double standard and you can read what they say here.

Radar Online says that before Charlie started hooking up with his current escort that he was spending time with a friend of the escort. Charlie was having sex with her in hotels and at his friend's house and even at his home when Brooke wasn't there. It doesn't say if his kids were there or if he made the nanny watch, just that he didn't care where or when as long as he got to have sex with the escort. Apparently Charlie sleeps at rehab and Brooke sleeps at home while completing her home rehab.

Taylor Momsen is in the new issue of Entertainment Weekly. I will say this for Taylor. She knows how to speak bluntly when she wants to and also knows how to spin like the best PR person around. In the interview she basically admits that she doesn't hang out with any of her Gossip Girl cast mates and they probably don't like her and vice versa, but she does it very smoothly.

"I'm not really close with my cast. We're all cordial and nice to each other, but we're not really friends outside of the set."

She also explains why you never see her in pants or very much clothing.

"I don't really like pants, man. I like tights. I'm not really a pants person... I choose not to wear pants."

I choose not to wear pants to, but unfortunately my mother requires that I do so only in the basement and never in front of her house guests. Long story.

I don't think I have read Women's Health lately but I read this month's interview with Jillian Michaels. In case you don't know who she is, she is trainer on the show Biggest Loser. She is also being sued because of claims her diet pills don't work as advertised. In the interview she doesn't really talk about her pills but she does say she won't ever get pregnant because she loves her body so much. Knowing she sounds conceited, she tries to make up for it by then saying it is better to adopt. I think adoption is great, but if you are doing it because you are self centered than maybe it is best if you just don't become a parent.

"I'm going to adopt. I can't handle doing that to my body," she told the magazine. "Also, when you rescue something, it's like rescuing a part of yourself."

She also says that she dates both women and men and has been in love with both. Interesting.

Did you ever watch Party Of Five or 7th Heaven? If you did, you may remember Jeremy London. He gave Kneepads an interview where he said that because of drug abuse he has almost lost all of his money, he is getting divorced from his wife, and he is estranged from his 3 year old son. Pretty typical People story about a possible redemption project. It is hard to believe the guy could have blown through that much money so quickly, but he did. He says that he mainly abused prescription drugs and blames it all on being treated like royalty.

It is an interesting piece of gossip but I also wonder why he chose to make it public at this time and why he chose People. Career comeback? Publicity?

Well if ABC actually wanted people to watch their news last night they succeeded wildly because I wanted to see if they had any more on Naomi Campbell and her accepting blood diamond from the former leader of Liberia, Charles Taylor. At his trial for crimes against humanity, Taylor says he gave Naomi a blood diamond. In an interview with ABC she says she didn't and got really angry. Nothing new about the anger. Oh, and my feeling is that she did get a blood diamond and doesn't care at all about where any diamond comes from or any other gift she has ever received.a

From cuddling to kissing to...well, hold your horny horses for a second.

You remember, Crescent Kumquat, we're sure. You know, that adorable B.V. star who can't quite seem to figure out his sexuality, but is having plenty of fun in the process.

Well, C.K. has taken another, more serious (as we predicted) step in his nighttime adventures with the fellows—isn't it just touching to watch him grow up? And by touching, we so mean in the crotch-grabbin' way that Cres loves.

So what's the down-low dude up to now?

We told you that Cres had taken a page from Topher Hairy-Tuchas' book and is using the Internet to pick out unknowing cyber-studs for some one-on-one fun. And Crescent has found the method quite rewarding.

Recently, C.K. chatted up a guy on a men-only website—according to the chattee—for an hour before the two finally decided to meet at the unsuspecting stranger's place. To say Crescent's potential conquest was surprised to see our hottie heartthrob is an understatement, but the online lover knew the code and pretended he didn't recognize Cres's so-famous face.

So what gets Cressy all hot 'n' bothered and ready to get down to action? Bourbon (tho our unprepared hookup had to substitute good old fashion H2O for the brown liquor) and a few puffs on a joint. Then it's time to hit the bedroom.

The action started innocently enough, with C.K.'s signature makeout session—which, at this point, he has down to a work of art—but things quickly picked up. Cres admitted to still being a virgin when it comes to going all the guy-on-guy way (which, we're so not surprised by) but there was still plenty more the two good-lookin' dudes could do to pass the time until C.K. skipped out in the wee hours of the morning.

And with all that spooning and cute-as-hell necking we're accustomed to, Cres has to be quite the gentle lover, no? More like, hell no—the dude is definitely into the rough stuff—hair pulling and member-slapping, included free of charge.

And then Crescent was gone. His e-profile was deleted and the number he left after his late-night rendezvous turned out to be a faker—as if he would leave his actual digits. Why not his publicist's cell, too, while he was at it, right?

What did titillate us is that C.K. told his hunky hookup that he was bisexual and the two had to be discreet because Cres has a GF (which is so not true). Looks like Crescent still has plenty of exploring left to do—tho we're sure it will be with more fellas than ladies, as we've seen C.K. in full-on party mode and he never seems to have any intention of heading home with a chica.

Hey, as long as we keep getting the dirty details, explore away—so much more exciting than Lewis and Clarke, don't you think?

I am still not quite sure why Child Protective Services has not visited Lindsay Lohan's house yet. Is Lindsay's sister Ali exempt from all things child related? Michael Lohan showed up yesterday at Lindsay's house with some police in order to check up on the welfare of Ali. I don't care if it is for publicity or if it was out of genuine care for Ali, but a 16 year old living with Lindsay and somehow pretending she is a responsible party is dumbfounding. Lindsay in charge of making sure Ali gets tutored or goes to school? Lindsay in charge of food? Lindsay in charge of medical help? Seriously? Both Dina and Michael should be in jail. If this is such a great system how come they don't let the youngest child live with Lindsay?

Lindsay said in tweet late yesterday that Ali is watched at all times by guardian. Really? If this is the case, then how come this guardian couldn't give Lindsay a ride to the deposition she missed for the second time?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

This A list movie actor is known for his many many sexual encounters with women. Well, it turns out that at some point our actor developed an STD that is so bad his doctor warned him he should not have anymore sex with anyone. He has complied but still pretends he is sexually active by hitting on every woman that crosses his path. All for show though. All for show.

Happy Earth DayQuite the collection of movies between these four. And gossip.Of course if you have Antonio Banderas somewhere then you know that Melanie Griffith won't be more than three or four inches behind.Pick a sports event and Alyssa Milano will be your celebrity de jour.Alan Ruck and Mireille Enos.Brad Pitt and the never ending beard.So, do you think Courteney ever talks to Brad?On the bright side, at least Corey Feldman didn't have that damn hair over his face.Randomness. Christine Taylor and Laura Dern.Daniel Cudmore, one of the rarely seen Twilight people.After seeing Dita von Teese in her jeans last week, this seems more natural for her.

Eli Roth and Peaches Geldof still together. This time they brought along a drunk friend.Felicity Huffman and William H Macy with matching hair.Gin Gershon alone on the red carpet and thenis joined by Rob Morrow and his wife Debbon Ayer.Guy Ritchie and his new girlfriend. Hmmm. Who does she resemble?Heidi Klum and her new short hair.Jessica, it is ok. Please go ahead and buy the pants that fit. Yes, I know they would be in the junior section, but at least that way we won't feel like you are wasting away.A first time appearance for Josh Charles.My bad. I forgot I had Katy Perry in here already. Well forget she is in this picture with Jason Mraz.

Look at the mob of people in Brisbane who want to see Kim Kardashian. Am I missing something here? Why?I'm guessing Katy Perry didn't do much sitting in this dress.I think Marc Anthony and Tom Cruise go to the same smiling school.Maksim and Gerard Butler are turning into twins.How many people does it take to watch Mischa Barton open up her car doors?Does it seem like forever since Marcia Cross has been on a red carpet?Matthew Perry looks thrilled.Mark Ronson at the debut of his new clothing line.Meg Ryan on her way to yoga.Michael W. Smith and Amy Grant at the Dove Awards.r

Nicole Richie in one of her classic Mrs. Roper dresses. I like Nicole, but I really wish she would move away from this look.The newly engaged and impossibly good looking couple of the day, Odette Yustman and David Annable.Priscilla Presley at the opening of Chicago in LA. Lucky for her the Scientology Center is very close in case she wanted to do an auditing at intermission.First time appearances for Ryan Hansen & Martin Starr.Sarah Jessica Parker and her Indiana Jones hat.Thalia without her wedding ring? Tommy Mottola doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would let her do that.TobyMac - NashvilleTerrell Owens in New York after promoting his new show.And I bet that Zac Efron is thinking that whole Footloose gig might not be so bad now.This 18 year old escort started working two years ago, and charges $3000 a night. She claims that while she was 16 years old she was the personal escort to three French national soccer players who flew her to hotels all over Europe.

Ahh, it has been a long time since I wrote anything about Paris Hilton. Apparently though she is still the same shallow, vapid, good for nothing human being she has always been. She was at some charity event on Tuesday night and kept talking about Paris Paris Paris and oh, about breaking up with Doug. Now, before reading this quote from her, please recall she dated the guy for a year and broke up about ten days ago.

"I don't even remember that time in my life." Well, I wish I could remember a time in my life where you didn't exist, but due to the amount of booze I consume, my memory doesn't go back that far. Oh, how I wish it did. So, you would think that someone like Paris who will be the center of any relationship and also possibly give you the gift of herpes if you date her, would have no one lining up to date her. Well, you would be wrong.

"A lot of guys have obviously hit on me and I am getting thousands of calls, but I'm not ready to be with anyone."

So, she plans to spend the next six months staring in a mirror and posing.

Not exactly a Murder She Wrote mystery, but Vanessa and Kobe Bryant have settled the lawsuit filed by a former maid who had claimed that Vanessa had made the maid dig a blouse out of the trash can that was covered in dog crap. In addition, she was also repeatedly verbally abused and called such warm and fuzzy terms of endearment like "lazy, slow, dumb, a f***ing liar, and f***ing sh-t." TMZ has no idea what the sides settled for, but I'm guessing the maid was probably in the right or else this would have gone to trial. It has been dragging on a long time.

Which new editor of a fashionable British magazine is a terror to work for? Plus, she's so unstylish -- a crime in that position -- her tormented underlings joke that a movie about her would be titled "The Devil Wears Zara" .

WHICH executive at a morning TV news show was fired because of a "zipper problem?" The lothario was having sex with every woman in the control room, plus a married anchorwoman .

WHICH famous men are putting their scalps before their sex lives? Their hair-loss drug of choice has the unwanted side effect of reducing sex drive.

Not content with a regular cleanse, this week, The Gooper really gets spiritual in her newsletter and gives us a Chinese cleanse to help with our allergies. Oh, and if you don't want to do a cleanse to rid yourself of allergies you can follow this brilliant tip. "Try getting up just before dawn, when the black night sky slowly turns to blue. The sun rises in the East, and the blue color of dawn opens to our eyes and we experience the new day."

Oh, well sure, why didn't I think of that? Instead of reaching for the Benadryl, I will just wake up before dawn and the looking at the sky will make everything better.

If you want to cleanse for the 50th time this year, then here is her yeast free allergy cleanse which will shed all that winter weight. You know, like the one bite of a cookie you allowed yourself or couldn't spit out gracefully. Seriously, all this woman does is cleanse.

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