Friday, October 18, 2013

Being a Better Parent: Confront your Kid's Disobedience

Sometimes parents get tired of being the bad guy or of saying the same things over and over again. Just this morning, I heard myself say things like, "Did you finish all your chores", "Keep your hands to yourself"," Stop yelling at your siblings", and "Hurry, you don't have much time". All though not all of them were discipline terms they all left me feeling like a broken record. If you are like me take a look at Part 2 of the series: Being a better Parent!

Confront Your Kid's Disobedience

This is part 2 of the Series: Being a Better Parent. Read Part 1,3,4,5.

No matter how tired we get their will always be discipline that needs to be done. We need to correct children's language, their behaviors but most importantly there sins and disobedience. When we fail to discipline things only get worse, not better. If you don't have children you will see later on that confronting disobedience doesn't stop with our children it extends to your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Lets look at a biblical example. Hopefully our kids are not doing something as extreme as what David's kids did but all sin is equal in God's eyes and deserves our attention.

2 Samuel 13:1-4: In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man. He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me? ”Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”

Deal with the sin early before it becomes a sin of action. Sin starts with the mind before it becomes an action. For our younger kids it might be something like "I want to get him back for hitting me" or "I'm angry enough to do him/her harm."

Although anger is not a sin it will often to produce sin. Even Jesus experienced anger. Anger can be very dangerous if left unchecked. It produces bitterness, hot tempers, malice, murders and even slander.

Mark 3:5: He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.

Lets return to the story:

2 Samuel 13: 10-15 Then Amnon said to Tamar, "Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand." So Tamar took the cakes which she had made and brought them into the bedroom to her brother Amnon. When she brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, "Come, lie with me, my sister." But she answered him, "No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing! "As for me, where could I get rid of my reproach? And as for you, you will be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you."However, he would not listen to her; since he was stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with a very great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Get up, go away!"

2 Samuel 13: 20-21 Then Absalom her brother said to her, "Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now keep silent, my sister, he is your brother; do not take this matter to heart." So Tamar remained and was desolate in her brother Absalom's house. Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry.

See King David (aka daddy) heard of what was going on he was angry but he did not do anything to confont or punish his son for the horrible act. Often times we as parents do the same thing. We get angry when our children call someone a name. We get angry when our children hit each other. We get angry when we tell our children to do something and they don't. However, their has to be an action with a consequence. Sin has to be punished.

David wasn't the only father that did not discipline his children. What happens is that Absalom

2 Samuel 3:12-14: "In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. "For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them."Therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever."

When sin isn't confronted things only get worse. Not only do we have Anger we now have murder, a runaway son and later betrayal.

2 Samuel 3:28-34: Absalom ordered his men, “Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Haven’t I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” So Absalom’s men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king’s sons got up, mounted their mules and fled. While they were on their way, the report came to David: “Absalom has struck down all the king’s sons; not one of them is left.” The king stood up, tore his clothes and lay down on the ground; and all his attendants stood by with their clothes torn.But Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother, said, “My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s express intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.” Meanwhile, Absalom had fled.

Absalom did not respect his father he let his brother get away with sin against his sister. He became bitter and resentful and would later take his fathers throne. It goes back to part one: Maintaining personal integrity. David did not manage his house hold and did not deal with sin in his house.

Because we are Christians also we are responsible for our brothers and sisters as well as our children.

Galatians 6:1: Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted

Deal with anger quickly. Be a peacemaker. Inter-vein at anger between children. Teach them how to work out a situation. Show them how to talk to each other. These are skills they need to learn when the become older. Don't sit and let anger stew. Same goes with your brother and sister in Christ. Inter-vein, don't just ignore it.

Ephesians 4:26-27: "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

James 1:19-20: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.