How To Influence People In The Modern Era

Rod Berne is a student, writer, and thought criminal. His columns run every Saturday. Follow him on Twitter.

To Sell is Human by Dan Pink is a book about influence in the modern era. It combines interesting research with anecdotes about individual cases of people who have found success. Sprinkled throughout the book are exercises that will both amuse and stimulate you, links to online tests and assessments, and many book recommendations regarding social skills, improvisation, and influence.

Much of this book can be applied to game. It’s been said more than once that game is like sales, and learning about influence and sales can improve you skills with people in any situation.

Pink makes a convincing case that in the modern age we must all be adept at sales to be successful. He goes into detail about how even if we are not directly selling merchandise, we are always selling ourselves. This will be a review and summary of each of the three sections of the book.

Rebirth Of A Salesman

Dan Pink cites a study that shows one in nine Americans work in sales. However, he also shows that the other eight work in sales as well. We all work day in and day out to influence, persuade, and move others to act in a manner we desire. That is the main point of the book: moving others. Whether it be money, time, attention, or a decision in our favor, much of what we do amounts to moving others.

We’re all in sales now. Some people are uncomfortable with this fact, but Pink shows that in this new age of hyperconnectedness, we are better off in many ways. In the past, sellers had the power. If you went into a car dealership 30 years ago, chances are the salesman knew much more than you about the specs of whatever car you were interested in. Today with the internet, it’s not uncommon for buyers to know more than sellers.

Even if a seller screws you over, there are many platforms for you to let thousands of others know via social media and review sites to warn others to avoid a person or company. Everyone is a couple of quick taps on their phone away from leaving a review. We’re moving from Caveat Emptor (buyer beware) to Caveat Venditor (seller beware).

The New ABCs

Pink provides his version of the new ABCs (no longer “Always Be Closing”)

A—-Attunement

B—Buoyancy

C—Clarity

These are the 3 qualities one should develop have in order to be successful at either sales or non-sales selling in the new landscape of the 21st century.

Attunement means to enhance your perspective-taking

Attunement hinges on three principles.

1. Increase your power by reducing it. This means essentially seeing the world through the customer’s eyes.

2. Use your head as much as your heart. In a 2008 experiment at INSEAD business school in France, researchers simulated a negotiation over the sale of a business. One-third of the negotiators were instructed to imagine what the other side was feeling, one-third was instructed to imagine what the others side was thinking, and the final third was the control group. The group who imagined what the other side was thinking managed to make a deal that satisfied both sides 76% of the time. Perspective-taking is crucial.

3. Mimic strategically. Matching our mannerisms and vocal tones to the other person is fundamental to attunement; just make sure the other person doesn’t notice. A Dutch study found that waitresses who repeated diners’ orders word for word earned 70% more tips than those who paraphrased orders. The Dutch are cheap people, so this means a lot.

Buoyancy is the ability to stay afloat amidst an ocean of rejection

Anyone who sells must contend with rebuffs, refusals, and repudiations (and if you’re approaching women in the West, outright insults). Buoyancy is Pink’s word for dealing with rejection and maintaining your stride.

There are 3 components to buoyancy which apply before, during, and after any effort to move others.

1. Before: Self-Talk. We humans frequently talk to ourselves. The best form of self-talk is to move from making statements (e.g., I can do this, I got this, I’m the greatest) to asking questions (Can I do this? Can I make a great pitch? Can I talk to her?). There are two reasons for this. Number one, by asking the question you elicit an answer, it requires you to think about the question you just asked. Number two, this sort of interrogative self-talk may elicit intrinsically motivated reasons to accomplish your goal.

2. During: Emotion Ratios. Positive and negative emotions broaden people’s ideas about possible actions, expanding our awareness to a wider range of thoughts making us more creative. Studies show that positive emotions can expand our behavioral repertoires and heighten intuition. Pink claims that there is a ratio of emotions best suited for people which is 3-to-1 positive to negative emotions.

3. After: Explanatory Style. At the end of a day, how you think about it can go a long way in determining whether you succeed. Explanatory style is a form of self-talk that occurs after an experience. In one study, researchers found that salespeople with an optimistic explanatory style sold more insurance and kept their jobs longer.

Clarity means to help others identify problems they didn’t realize they had

This third quality hinges less on problem solving and more on problem finding. In research done at the University of Chicago, researchers found that people most disposed to creative breakthroughs in art, science, and other endeavors tend to be problem finders.

Pink gives a quick example. Suppose fifteen years ago you were in the market for a new vacuum cleaner. You would have had to go into a store and speak to a salesman who likely knew much more than you about the product. Today, you can hop online and research the vacuum model you want. But what if you’ve gotten your problem wrong? Maybe your real aim isn’t to buy a vacuum cleaner, but to have clean floors. Maybe the problem is the screen on your windows aren’t keeping out the dust, maybe your carpet collects dirt too easily and you need a new one, maybe you shouldn’t but a vacuum but instead join a neighborhood cooperative that shares appliances, or hire a cheap cleaning crew.

There is one interesting exercise in this chapter to clarify others’ motives using 2 questions.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 meaning “not ready at all” and 10 meaning “totally ready,” how ready are you to [insert difficult task]?

2. Why didn’t you pick a lower number?

The second question catches the person off guard. The person moves from defending their current behavior to explaining why, on some level, they want to behave differently. It allows the person to clarify their motives.

Adapting To The Modern Era Of Sales

This section focuses on three key abilities concerning what to do in sales: to pitch, to improvise, and to serve.

The purpose of a pitch isn’t necessarily to move others to immediately adopt your idea. The purpose is to offer something so compelling that it begins a conversation, brings the other person in as a participant, and eventually arrives at an outcome that appeals to both of you. This chapter zeroes on in new alternatives to the elevator pitch, some examples include.

Question pitch (Are you better off today than you were eight years ago?)

Rhyming pitch (Easy to remember)

Subject line pitch (Regarding e-mail)

Twitter pitch (Cuts through PR nonsense and forces companies to summarize what they do in 140 characters).

Pixar pitch (Once upon a time…).

The book emphasizes the role of improv in moving products today. The old method of sales relied on stable scripts (if the customer says this, you should say that) but today it has given way to complex and unpredictable conditions that favor improvisation. This chapter delves into how to listen to offers and make your partner look good in the process.

The book closes out on saying that service is the most important quality. It’s a feel-good ender, and it mostly works. He writes that sales and non-sales selling are ultimately about service. If you believe in your product (or yourself, or your company, etc.), you will be more likely to move others to believe in it too. Pink speaks of service in its best form—improving the lives of others and in turn, improving the world. This can happen if we follow two principles: Make it personal and make it purposeful.

The secret to sales is to remember who we are serving and why we are serving them. In sales, we do better when we move beyond just trying to make a sale and remember that we are serving a person.

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37 Responses

Clarity is indeed the big thing in modern sales techniques; if you can sell somebody a solution to a problem he doesn’t even know he has, he won’t be going to the competitor.

Just this week I was out intent on buying a TV, both at a larger store and a small, family-owned place. The large store staff would’ve sold me the TV I wanted, with the nice image quality. The owner at the small store took the time to explain that image quality wasn’t dependent on the TV, but on the signal, and took the time of explaining what I should be looking for in a TV. Take three guesses who got to sell me the TV…

From ‘How to win friends… to this book , its the story of men’s degeneration. The rise of sissy values and the rise of selling. Selling anyhow, by deceit, by smiling, by agreeing to the non sense of the other person, by letting down our pride, our free thinking and independent opinion, sell like women do. Selling themselves.
Because you are no more a man, you cant have a group of men along side you …all are women under men’s bodies. so what is left for you to survive… Go Sell yourself.

It’s key to know your market for your product or idea and sell to it. For example, you are selling your idea here and not on Jezebel. Anyone who has made money knows you have to swallow your pride but not your dignity. Meaning, you have to compromise. You have to find a close enough match where you can sell a little bit of your pride but not your full identity. Being an adult is doing the not so fun stuff you have to do to pay the bills.

Having worked in sales – the best way is to evangelize – to have a solution to a problem or a dream you believe will really help make people’s lives better in a certain segment and sell it to them. For example, Trump is going to make SJWs life worse, so he can’t lie to them – they are not his market. The more he pisses off SJWs, the better actually. He zooms in on his market – and sells to that market – makes them feel heard.

When you earn a living, you are not free thinking, you being a responsible adult helping your boss feed his family, helping yourself and your colleagues feed their families. The importance is trust in your boss and loyalty – or if you have a bad boss, feigned trust until you can find another job while you job hunt – fake it until you make a change – and don’t bad mouth. Join the army – and it will make you humble, war makes anyone humble. The key is to be able to respect authority that pays your pay-check that deserves respect, and not respect those that don’t earn it. If they don’t pay your bills, their feelings are none of your business. And work in a business where the people who pay your bills are worthy of your respect. If you can’t find where that is and gradually work up to that level.

The ability to sell is the single greatest skill a man can possess. When you are working the retail floor, you are selling merchandise. When you are working on the board, you are simply selling your corporate direction to shareholders. When you are start a business and are seeking financing, you are selling your idea to investors. The fundamentals are all identical..

Your product or service doesn’t even have to be good, IF you are great at selling. On the flip, i’ve seen absolutely brilliant ideas tank because the founders were incapable of selling..

The main thing is I think being genuine in your message. Even if the message is deem “Bad” or “Risky” to the mainstream public.

People forget that what is “Mainstream”: at one time was probably deemed “Bad” in old times.

Someone had to push forward and take that chance. It helps pushes the world forward and creates new conversations and influences

People at the end of the day want bullshit but, we also want someone that stands by their word. Yeah, the person may be just filling up our time during the down periods of our busy lives but, hey. At the end of the day if he believes in his shit and knows he really is trying to help people than, fuck it. We’ll listen just because.

There is too much information out there so when someone actually says something of worth we listen. The best is usually the ones that speak from the honest place we all share despite the stories being different

“Clarity means to help others identify problems they didn’t realize they had”

Anyone who puts Wolf of Wall Street on a pedestal is an ignorant dickhead, moron was just slinging penny stocks with his rootless cosmopolitan druggie friend. BTW he lost it all via drug addiction and being a thief, look it up. Network marketing? You mean pyramid schemes? You selling Mannatech or what? Smells of an article written by a broke ass buying the hype. Come back when you can explain some options strategies bitch ass. Until then, go sling for Edward Jones or some such trivial shit.

What a load of shit, be a tradesman or join the military or something but selling shit to people they don’t need or whatever is a soul destroying way to make a living ,these guys who pride themselves on this shit are fucking women period.
Sitting in front of a screen with a telephone for 12 hrs a day get a fucking life ,justifying it with an above average salary well done ,it’s your life lol

Clue: The barter economy where people only traded necessities to get by and to continue existing in life are over. There is nothing wrong with sales and marketing as concepts, and people who buy things from a salesman many times end up enjoying the purchase and are glad they did it. I’m not and have never been in sales or marketing, btw.

I hear what you’re saying but I detest the snaky wall street types who insult your intelligence with their bullshit.
Not saying their all bad, but the scripted one’s whos only aim is to seal the deal and rip off vulnerable people with big words make my stomach turn ,

If you go into a trade and you are the best at what you do, you are going to get a rude wake up when the sales of your product suck. In today’s world, it is literally impossible for a great product to sell itself to the masses. Sure, maybe a few people will find the greatest products on their own but the fact is that if you own a business, you’ll find almost immediately that without at least a good sales and marketing effort, you will utterly fail.

Even in a one man business you will have sales. I own apartments. When i’m showing my apartments, I’m selling them. I’m also selling myself as the landlord and maintenance guy. Someday, when I get the banks paid off, I’ll farm that showing and selling job out to someone else. Everyone has used this article to rail on sales people. Why? They are just performing a function that used to be done by the business owner when the economy was mostly based on small mom and pop shops. As businesses grow, someone has to do that function.

But with big corporations, every job is split up and they attempt to hire an expert for every job because it appears to be more profitable. So, if you’re really good at sales and you enjoy it, why not? It works in theory.

Now that said, the last one about sitting in front a phone for 12 hours a day. 9 out of 10 of those people are not good sales people and are just reading from scripts calling as many random people in a day as possible. That is a terrible job but it doesn’t mean the act of selling itself is terrible.

In fact, everyone seems to be missing the premise of this article. You are quite literally selling yourself every day weather or not you want to admit it to yourself. You are selling yourself to your wife. Maybe you are doing it with your confidence and authority, but you are selling your leadership to her. You are selling yourself to your dad when you want him to do something different than what he is doing or maybe something different than one of your siblings want him today. You doctor is selling himself and his opinion to you when he sees a health issue you have that is hurting you and he is trying to convince you to change your habits to help with this issue. This is all selling. And is that bad?

More than half of the responses to this article has made me think about half of our readership has stepped a little bit out of reality.

I actually picked up this book along with “To to win friends and influence people” by Carnegie. I’ve already found things in my own business that have been holding me back, mostly my attitude. I was assuming that people would just buy anything I put out without thinking am I really giving people what they want? You have to imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. Are you really giving me what I want? Great reads so far.

Selling is human?? No, selling is Jewish. We live in a Jewish dominated world, so all of us behave and think like the tribe whether we admit it or not, whether we know what the Talmud / Torah / Cabala are or not. In a more natural environment, “providing and building” are human.

If you and another guy both decide to build the same basic thing (like spears for instance) then you’re going to have to learn to sell, to get your spears in more hands than the other guy. Even if you’ve built a better spear, if the other guy is a better sales rep, or just has a better personality and is more liked in the tribe than you, you might not sell as many spears.

I can understand believing we live in a Jewish dominated world. It’s definitely true that they are disproportiately in control of the government, academia, hollywood, medicine, laws banks and other powerful groups, compared to the numbers of their population, and this is disconcerting. But to claim selling is Jewish and that selling is a bad thing is ridiculous beyond scope.. So I’m going to call bullshit on the Jews inventing selling.

Please, if you have proof that “selling is Jewish,” enlighten me with proof. I’m all ears (or eyes in this case).

fantastic but…i’m in a company that employs over 30 thousands people. we all have to toe the politically correct line. the men in my company are social justice warriors just to keep their big house their wife demanded so they’re basically inept. i haven’t met a man in my company like me so i just toe the company line until i can buy a sailboat and sail out of this sht hole.

30,000 people? There are at least a few others like you. They are all afraid to speak up though as they haven’t seen anyone else speak up and they are making the same assumption as you.

You should recognize them in the way they carry themselves, even if they don’t speak up. If all the men around you act like complete pussies, it’s not them. But there has to be some guys somewhere in your company that behave like men, even if they have to do it silently because they feel it won’t be tolerated.

Look for the strong and silent type. Those that get their work done without begging for praise and without needing input or help from everyone else and without getting involved in the ladies gossip around the water cooler or outside smoking area or whatever.

Or just start speaking up. What I do, is every time I get a guy alone, I say something I shouldn’t. Something that is sexist or anti-PC, but only slightly and gauge the response. If I get a good response, I up my sexism or other anti-PC statement a level. If I get push back, I write the guy off and say he’ll have to wake up later. I’ve been surprised at how many guys agree. it makes me feel like everyone is secretly reading this site and we’re just not talking about it.

Just last week a guy and I that i had just met a few days before discussed how the country would be better off if women just stayed home more to raise their kids. At first glance, this guy looked like your average blue pill, ass sniffing beta pussy. And really, he is. But he could see the forest for the trees never the less.

Not all of that go hand in hand with game. Women lack clarity, their wants are what other people tell then what their wants are.

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