Tuesday, 15 May 2018

Questions and Answers Part 4 - Family

Families are like fudge, so they say - sweet, with
a few nuts. And there's none too much nuttier in many families' eyes
than a parent or grandparent who decides to throw caution to the wind
and swap their nice, secure, respectable house for something a
fraction of the size on wheels! It can come as a surprise, a huge
shock even, and it doesn't always go down well, but as with most
things, everyone accepts it and gets used to it in time.

I've deliberately left this question until now to
answer, as it's the one closest to my heart and the thing I
definitely struggle with the most:

How will I cope being far away from my family,
especially my children and grandchildren? What if I miss them too
much or they forget me?

Those of you who have followed me and my family
for years will know I'm the mum of two boys - well, young men now. I
don't write about them much any more as they are adults with their
own houses, jobs and lives and I don't think I need to embarrass them
by dragging them into my rambles, but here they are. Liam (left) is
21 and Alistair (right) is 19.

My boys <3

My family is the one thing which make me wish I
was 'normal'. It tugs at my heart a lot. My eldest had already left
home when I sold the house and was happily settled further down the
country so we were used to being apart, but my youngest was still
living with me and selling the house meant an enormous change for
both of us. Our house sold in just nine hours and five weeks later we
were going our separate ways. Most people have considerably more time
to prepare and get used to the idea of such a monumental change!
Leaving my boy in his home town, where he wanted to stay with his job
and his friends was incredibly hard. Looking back now I think I
probably got slapped with a hefty dose of 'empty nest syndrome', as
well as the upheaval of undergoing such a huge and scary lifestyle
change. As Gareth will vouch, there has been a LOT of tears. You
should have seen me on Mother's Day, I was a wreck! I miss them both
terribly, if anything it gets worse the more time goes on. But it
doesn't mean I'm not happy; quite the contrary. I live an amazing,
adventurous and very blessed life. I see so many incredible things
living this way and meet so many wonderful people. I just wish more
than anything I could share it all with them.

Whether you're a mother, father, daughter or son
choosing to make this lifestyle change, I think it's normal to feel a
fair amount of guilt. I feel bad for not being a 'normal' mother,
sitting at home watching My Kitchen Rules in my pyjamas and fussing
around the boys the way I used to. I feel bad for not having a
conventional house that they can come and visit or stay any time they
want. I feel bad that I'm no longer instantly available for
everyone. But that's the thing, I still am available for them,
through Skype, Facebook and on the phone. We talk pretty much every
day in some way, even if it's just a few words. This morning I
talked to Liam on the phone for half an hour and discussed his next
visit (a 60km four-day hike together in Fiordland), while his younger brother and I had already had a spontaneous
Facebook chat at 5am as both of us couldn't sleep!

Just because I'm not physically present,
doesn't mean I'm not there for them. They still come to me with
their problems, just as they always have and there's nothing we
haven't been able to work out together these past 18 months, whether
it's how long they should cook a roast in the oven, how to get stains
out of clothes or bigger things such as car repairs and maintenance.
I've still sat up all night in the van talking with them when they've
needed me to. I can talk them through pretty much anything they need
to do or figure out, but at the end of the day they have to do it all
for themselves, and I think that is a good thing, a valuable thing.
If I was still in the house, I would still have been falling over
myself trying to do everything for them and that doesn't do anyone
any good. Being away from me has taught them how to stand on their
own two feet. They both work incredibly hard and I couldn't be
prouder of them. It also helps put things into perspective when I
meet so many young people their age in campgrounds, living simply in
vans and cars, picking fruit to support their travels and having a
blast. It reminds me of just how grown up my boys actually are and
what they are capable of. After all, I was the same age as my
youngest is now when I took off to the other side of the world by
myself and never came back! When I think of it like that, I guess I
always was a bit of an adventurous sort.

As time has gone on and I've learned so much more
about life and different ways to live it, I've realised that there is
no such thing as a conventional family any more. Families where both
parents have stayed together are rare, most are scattered around
these days. When I think about how many people I know whose children
or parents live overseas, me being down the far end of the country is
really nothing and not unusual at all! I just don't have a stationary
house, mine is one which moves. At the end of the day, you have to do
what works for you. I could stay in the same house my whole life to
be close to them, only to have them both take off to the other side
of the world, just like I did to my parents! In fact, I would love
for them to do just that. That's another thing I've learned since
living on the road. Before, I would have wanted my children to always
be living close to me and no doubt have been devastated if they moved
far away, or chose to live overseas. But I would never wish that for
them now. On the contrary I want nothing more for them than to be
able to experience everything this wonderful world has to offer, as
fully as they can, and take every opportunity for adventure that
comes their way. I'm not sure I'll ever stop feeling guilty for no
longer being the traditional stay-at-home-mum they grew up with. But
at the same time I'm proud of myself for grabbing life by the balls
and having the courage to make a change. If there's one thing I've
always tried to teach them it's that the most important thing is to
be happy.

When it comes to making what is seen as a
'radical' lifestyle change like living on the road, a little support
from other family members goes an awfully long way. You spend enough
time questioning and asking yourself whether you're doing the right
thing without anyone else throwing in seeds of doubt! Some families
are right behind you and couldn't be more excited for you, others
think you're mad and will try and be the voice of impending doom.
Frustrating as it is, you can't expect everyone to understand. To be
honest, I think my family definitely thought I was mad! They probably
still think so, especially when it's 18 degrees where they are and 4
degrees where I am. It's a very different lifestyle. But as yet, I
don't think any of the family members who have seen me think I'm any
the worse for it. They haven't said I look terrible, or I'm fading
away (chance would be a fine thing!) or that they're worried about
me. What they do see is that I'm happy.

When I moved to the other side of the world from
the UK, I left my parents without their only child. None of us had
any way of knowing that just five years later my father would be
diagnosed with terminal cancer. Fortunately he had the opportunity
to visit me here in NZ several times before he became ill. I still
remember the last conversation we ever had. He told me that my
moving over here had enriched his life and opened up a whole new
world to him. It had enabled him to travel and see things and places
he had never heard of, or dreamed he would see. And that's the best
thing of all about living on the road. I may not get to see my
family very often; sometimes it's only once or twice a year, if that,
but when we do get together I get to show them some amazing things
and take them on wonderful adventures, which just like my dad, they
may never get to see otherwise. My travelling ways have inspired and
ignited a spark in both my boys to go and explore their home country
and far beyond and see what's out there. I'm pretty sure they still
think I'm mad - but as time has gone on, I hope it's more of a brave
and slightly cool kind of mad. And don't forget! One definite bonus
of being a nomad is that we're not tied to anywhere, we don't have to
have a plan all of the time and can be as flexible as required. If
ever our family really needs us, we can be wherever we need to be.

What about taking my kids on the road? Will they
miss out not being with their peers?

This is one question I'm not really qualified to
answer, seeing as I've never done it! However knowing what I know
now, if I had my time again I would have absolutely loved to take my
boys on the road growing up. I'm sure it's a lot more challenging
travelling with kids than without! But what an incredible adventure
and experience as a family. I know it's a cliche but there really is
no better school than the school of life, and what a wonderful way to
learn. I might not have any inside knowledge to impart myself, but I
do have a few links to those who are out there doing it!

I think that's enough to be going on with for one
post today. Tomorrow I'll aim to answer the last few of your
questions, such as 'what do I do about mail?' If anyone else has any
more they would like to add to the list, just drop us a line through
our Riches Have Wheels Facebook page!

2 comments:

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About Me

Jackie Norman had her first work published at the tender age of seven and has been writing for both national and international newspapers, magazines and websites ever since. Also formerly known as Penny Wise from Simple Savings, Jackie is the co-author of 'The $21 Challenge' and has written a weekly column for That's Life! magazine for nine years under the same name.
In 2016, after more than a decade of whittling down her materialistic lifestyle, Jackie sold her home and now lives on the road permanently, travelling the length and breadth of NZ in a campervan called Ken with husband Gareth and faithful dog Minnie. You can follow their travels on Facebook at Riches Have Wheels, on Instagram @parsleymonious or in print each month in Motorhomes, Caravans & Destinations magazine.