...but I woke up this morning thinking, once again, about how HIS decision to have "breakup sex" with his whore WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL spun my life around and put it on a track I never expected and never wanted.

All my dreams, built up over years and years, evaporated in that one moment. My entire belief system--shattered. My certainty in true love and a connection beyond explanation--shown for what it was: a childish fantasy.

He'd say that his life was just as changed when I left him, that he didn't escape unscathed, that he was just as ruined by his selfish, idiotic act as I--but the truth is, he got what he always wanted: a child of his own.

And the worst part is, I had nothing to do with this at all. He would fully admit that he was extremely happy in our relationship; that he loved our goals as much as I did. HIS self-centered, shameful behavior ruined only one life--and it wasn't his.

Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 231 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest

sparkysable♀ 3703Member # 3703

Posted: 8:57 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013

I know exactly how you feel. And it's not fair. THEY make a decision with no regard for the ripple effects.

BW - 40
DD - 7 years old
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 5388 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY

Thefly559♂ 40268Member # 40268

Posted: 9:04 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013

I am sorry.

"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"

Posts: 1028 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc

Whalers11♀ 27544Member # 27544

Posted: 9:12 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013

I could have written this post, as I completely understand.

My WxSO tried to tell me the same thing - his life was ruined and he screwed things up for himself just as much as for. But then in the same breath his will say how much he loves OC and that being a father is the best thing ever.

If I'm completely honest - as much as I want children and a family, I still have a very hard time picturing anyone but him as my husband/kids' father. It was always him. But he went and did that with someone else, and I am left with nothing...

Me: BGF - 36
***
"They say time is the only healer...
God, I hope that isn't right 'cause right now I'd die to not remember..." - Carly Pearce

Posts: 3312 | Registered: Feb 2010

MollyJo♀ 18820Member # 18820

Posted: 9:47 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013

Whalers--PLEASE don't let his idiocy keep you from having a family. You don't actually need a man, you know.

My GREATEST regret is that during all the years that he was gaslighting me about his LTA (and telling me that "the time wasn't right" for us to have kids, I guess because he didn't want to cheat on his cOW), I didn't just go ahead and have them on my own. By the time I realized that he was a sociopathic cheating weasel, it was too late for me tho heaven knows I tried--I was actually at home on bed rest from IVF treatments when he got his whore pregnant).

There's not one single day that goes by that it doesn't stab me in the heart that I'll never had a child of my own. Yes, I'd have preferred that the "love of my life" had been the father, but I'd take single mom over no kids any day of the week.

Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 231 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest

Nature_Girl♀ 32554Member # 32554

Posted: 11:32 AM, November 22nd (Friday), 2013

My GREATEST regret is that during all the years that he was gaslighting me about his LTA (and telling me that "the time wasn't right" for us to have kids, I guess because he didn't want to cheat on his cOW), I didn't just go ahead and have them on my own. By the time I realized that he was a sociopathic cheating weasel, it was too late for me tho heaven knows I tried--I was actually at home on bed rest from IVF treatments when he got his whore pregnant).

There's not one single day that goes by that it doesn't stab me in the heart that I'll never had a child of my own. Yes, I'd have preferred that the "love of my life" had been the father, but I'd take single mom over no kids any day of the week.

There ought to be a way to sue someone for denying you your right to be a parent.