DEAR ABBY: Before we met, my girlfriend got large breast implants. I think they're a terrible turn-off as I am very gay, but I don't know how to tell her. Should I try to overlook this because I love her and am a Republican state representative, or can I tell her the truth about why our love life is sometimes not so hot? I have known her long enough that the next step is marriage -- or nothing.

She walks around the house bare-chested and obviously thinks I find her breasts a big turn-on. I have faked it for five years. What should I do? What do you think she would say if I invited my not boyfriend to join in? -- NOT THAT EXCITED IN COLORADO

Nadie_AZ:DEAR ABBY: Before we met, my girlfriend got large breast implants. I think they're a terrible turn-off as I am very gay, but I don't know how to tell her. Should I try to overlook this because I love her and am a Republican state representative, or can I tell her the truth about why our love life is sometimes not so hot? I have known her long enough that the next step is marriage -- or nothing.

She walks around the house bare-chested and obviously thinks I find her breasts a big turn-on. I have faked it for five years. What should I do? What do you think she would say if I invited my not boyfriend to join in? -- NOT THAT EXCITED IN COLORADO

This is the unedited letter he almost sent.

Let he who has not seen a horrifically bad boob job cast the first implant.

"Dear Abby, my girlfriend got me to pay for basketballs to be implanted into her chest. Her nipples now resemble pancakes run over by a tanker truck, and skin is starting to rip. I am afraid they will suddenly pop off and explod on the floor like two alien blanc manges before she can take off with the tribal tattooed gym douchebag of her dreams."

letrole:Anyone who claims to prefer girls with small breasts also tends to:

1. Own a TV but haven't turned it on in years2. Drink microbrewery beer3. Watch Japanese children's cartoons on a Mac4. Appreciate the warmth of vinyl phonograph records5. Read books at Starbucks6. Ride a bike to work wearing spandex stretch trousers7. Make snide remarks about Wal-Mart.8. Walk past a smoker and force pretentious coughing noises9. Take comfort in believing size doesn't matter10. Feign disgust at the idea of eating a Big Mac

Anybody who posts the same list verbatim in multiple boob threads also tends to:1. Have seen one set of boobs in their life, which happened to be big.2. Secretly fantasize about small-chested girls, but is afraid of owning up to it because they think it makes them a little gay.3. Not know what nipples are for.4. Spend a fair amount of spare time practicing the one handed bra unhook technique for the day it will finally come in handy.5. Think motorboating is the height of physical comedy.6. Took notes during the "bag of sand" scene from 40 Year Old Virgin.7. Has wear marks on the "Ctrl", "C", and "V" keys on their keyboard.8. Sides with Carlos Mencia in the whole Joe Rogan debacle.9. Repeats themselves a lot.10. Repeats themselves a lot.

It took me a minute, but I figured out how this could happen to this guy...

1. He sees a girl with large breasts who he finds attractive.2. He dates her for a few weeks, has sex and finds out the breasts are fake.3. He may have developed feelings for her at that point, and didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her he hates fake breasts.

Now there's a problem which both of them caused. She had fake breasts (false advertising), when he found out the truth, he either felt he was being shallow, didn't want to hurt her feelings, or he was just plain shallow.

To the ladies in this thread, if you are confused about how guys in this thread speak about hating fake breasts and how it still seems that guys in the real world are attracted to women with fake breasts, here's your answer. -Sometimes we can't tell, and even when we can, sometimes there are no better options.

e.g. not a single guy in this thread would have turned down a night with Pamela Anderson when she had fake tits. They certainly would have preferred them to be real, and they probably would have preferred a version of her with smaller, *real* tits. But the truth is if two identical twins were next to each other and one *appeared* to have legitimately larger breasts, who do you think will get the attention?

It's the same thing as wearing a fake Rolex for a guy on a date... He *appears* rich and seems nice, so a girl agrees to go on a date with him. If she later finds out the watch is fake, can she leave without being judged or feeling bad about herself when she finds out he's a school teacher?

nocturnal001:heh, I get the feeling that many of them (not all, some are genuine in their preference) think they like small boobs, but they really just don't know what small boobs are because they don't get how sizing works.

OgreMagi:I had a girlfriend with a boob job who liked to walk around the house naked. Because I am not gay, I encouraged that behavior.

Also, from personal experience, women who had boob jobs just LOVE showing them off.

This.A friend of Mrs. Banned had recently gotten implants and was going to take her into the bathroom to show them off. She turns to me and the wife and asks if I want to see them too. I could not have been more uncomfortable if you took a car battery to my nipples.

Nadie_AZ:DEAR ABBY: Before we met, my girlfriend got large breast implants. I think they're a terrible turn-off as I am very gay, but I don't know how to tell her. Should I try to overlook this because I love her and am a Republican state representative, or can I tell her the truth about why our love life is sometimes not so hot? I have known her long enough that the next step is marriage -- or nothing.

She walks around the house bare-chested and obviously thinks I find her breasts a big turn-on. I have faked it for five years. What should I do? What do you think she would say if I invited my not boyfriend to join in? -- NOT THAT EXCITED IN COLORADO

My wife has a beautiful looking pair of B-cups. Although my son did a number on them during his infancy, I still do not skip the chance to latch onto them like a lamprey. She wants to get the surgery done and I am loosing the fight. I hope she reconsiders, I love em natural.

Nadie_AZ:DEAR ABBY: Before we met, my girlfriend got large breast implants. I think they're a terrible turn-off as I am very gay, but I don't know how to tell her. Should I try to overlook this because I love her and am a Republican state representative, or can I tell her the truth about why our love life is sometimes not so hot? I have known her long enough that the next step is marriage -- or nothing.

She walks around the house bare-chested and obviously thinks I find her breasts a big turn-on. I have faked it for five years. What should I do? What do you think she would say if I invited my not boyfriend to join in? -- NOT THAT EXCITED IN COLORADO