Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 0: I heard it might snow!! I feverishly tell my kids, who whoop for joy. I immediately go to Costco, Publix and the wine shop. Not even in that order. That night, I'm so excited I have trouble sleeping.

Day 1:

Morning: Wake up to a winter wonderland. School is canceled. Yay!! Throw on two pairs of pants, a sweater and my rain boots. Freeze my ass off but don't care because we are having so much fun!

Afternoon: First fight breaks out among the kids over mitten ownership. Have to google medical information on how best to treat chapped cheeks. Can barely feel my feet, due to mild frostbite from running around in plastic shoes that have zero insulation.

Night: Knock back my evening cocktail like my life depended upon it. Rinse and repeat.

Day 2: Unbelievably, the girls who normally have to be pried out of bed with a crowbar in order to make it to school in time have woken up at 5:30 in the morning and are downstairs fighting over who gets the last of the Special K. The fact that there is another full box in the cupboard is, somehow, irrelevant. Curious.

The 5 year old is exhausted from playing in the snow yesterday and has peed about 10 gallons in his bed. The laundry room was already brimming with super absorbent clothes that are inappropriate for snow (but were worn anyway because it’s all we have). Perfect. Massive amounts of time are spent not making a dent in the laundry.

Day 3:

Morning: Playing outside has lost its panache because all of the snow has grown a crust of inch-thick ice that hurts to fall on and will literally cut you if you touch it wrong. This is bad news for the parents who might actually need to accomplish something beyond resolving the never ending disputes over which kid left her sopping wet scarf on the floor.

"It wasn't ME, Mom. It was HER. I know this because I left MINE upstairs behind my bed where we won't find it for months so you and my doctor can worry and wonder if there is a mold infestation in our house because my allergies don't seem to go away."

Afternoon: I see the following quote on Facebook, "five asses in the house, you're stranded for three days with two rolls of toilet paper, you do the math." I think this is hilariously funny until it occurs to me that I, too, have five asses in the house yet have absolutely NO idea how much toilet paper we have. Panic ensues.

Evening: The countdown to happy hour began before lunch was digested. The school just announced that there will be no school tomorrow, either.

Oh my holy hell.

PS I have absolutely why this post switches up the font. I've spent tons of time* trying to fix it and blogger won't let me. It keeps accepting my change but keeping the funky font. So I've officially decided to say FUCK IT and let the weird font stay.

2 comments:

Hey, Jason! I actually did fall off of the earth for a while there...but I'm back. I've started a company...still have several kids milling about, not to mention the occasional husband. It's good times chez moi.