Category Archives: Joshua’s Corner

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What makes a good show great? Having a awesome theme song! Just look at Lost. That show was pretty……Ok, Lost sucked. Here is Joshua’s list of his favorite theme songs ever and as always if you don’t agree you can go fuck yourself.

WKRP in Cincinnati:

I don’t even remember what this show was even really about but I do remember watching this show when I was home cause I was “sick” and couldn’t go to school.

I think 1380 should cover the theme. I found the full song for you. If you don’t like it then you’re a liar or deaf.

The Rockford Files:

Hey! It’s the dude from The Notebook! Rockford was my brother’s favorite show so that means that I hated every second of it. However the first 2 minutes I did enjoy jamming out to this tune. I like how the music matches up great of video of Rockford getting his ass kicked.

Sesame Street:

Sunny days are here. The song is a bit outdated now cause you don’t need to sing a song to find out where a street is, you can just use your phone. I do find it funny how nobody answers this chick. Help her! She needs to buy some drugs from Oscar.

Charles in Charge:

A male nanny?! Sure ok……Charles in Charge was on tv for a long time for some reason. My only guess is a lot of that is due to the ratings the show got when it started every week. The song is great.

The Sopranos:

If you ever needed a song to get you pump to smash someone’s head in with a pipe this was it. The Sopranos was a iconic show. It also give me the cool idea that anything that has the letter “r” in it I can spell it with a gun. A lot of people knock the last episode for just cutting to black however I think it was pretty…

The Dukes of Hazzard:

Lets get in our cars and jump over things! These good old boys knew how to have some fun. The show was the best thing for white trash/rednecks ever made. I mean man alive their car was named The General Lee! LIKE WTF?! Why in the hell would you get a car that doors can’t open?

What’s Happening!!:

This is a very loud song! You have been warned

The X-Files:

Still gives me chills. The show kind of went downhill when T-1000 took over but still one of the greatest shows in the history of t.v

*in the history of Fox shows

( I wasn’t allowed to share the X-Files theme. But look it up it’s great! Trust me!)

The Brady Bunch:

So what happened to the father and the mother of the Brady kids? You never heard from them or anything about them? Seems odd. I think they were murdered…..anyways here is a great tune!

The Greatest American Hero:

A lot of you probably never heard of The Greatest American Hero. Unless you’re thinking of Stone Cold Steve Austin. The show was trash. I dare you to watch a full episode. The theme to it however was f’n great! George even used it for his answering machine. Watch below.

Welcome Back Kotter:

Johnny T was in this show! This song is so great that one of the best rappers ever Mase cover it! (It was awful) Here is both of them for your listening enjoyment.

The A-Team:

If you can find them, please tell them that their theme song is great. If you can’t find them just call The B-Team. They’re easy to find and they got members like Mr.s and Head.

Night Court:

Court is never fun. But have it at night and then it’s pretty ok.

Laverne & Shirley:

These dikes were the best thing from Milwaukee ever. Their theme song is pretty catchy as well. Still not sure what they were saying in the start of it but it probably means something about strap-ons.

Mr. Ed:

Did you know that Mr.Ed was on tv for 5 years? How in the hell did they keep this going for 5 years? Just awful. Here is one for fact they had a spin-off called Mr.Glue. It was about talking glue. It only was around for 3 years.

Sanford & Son:

Junkyard funk at it’s best!

Knight Rider:

The last one is the best one! Knight Rider was not only at kick ass show about a cool dude with a leather jacket who drives a talking car (Who sounded a lot like the principal from Boy Meets World) but it also had the coolest theme ever! I can listen to this for 17 hours at a time. Sit back and enjoy this classic.

Well there you have it. Joshua’s favorite tv themes. If you think I forgot one or something please comment below. If you don’t like my list…..well make your own list so I can whine like a bitch about that one. THANKS!

Are you making a cover band and having a hard time naming it? Just use this chart. The name on the left is the band you are covering and the right is what you should name your band. It is so simple!!!!! You’re welcome!!!!!!!!

From The Lion King to Toy Story, Disney has a lot of great songs that we all know and love. Here is a list of my favorites. If you disagree……well you can go Hakuna Matata yourself.

You’ve Got A Friend In Me:

The thing that makes song so fun is Randy Newman’s voice. It makes you feel that you can also sing. Also I like this song cause it makes people think that Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are friends. There is no chance in hell that Mr.Gump is friends with Joe Somebody.

Bear Necessities:

Hey it’s the bear from Tail Spins! Bear Necessities is just one great song! I can really relate to it as well. Like I eat ants all the time. Looking back on this movie kind of makes me question the “friendship” between Blaoo and his boy slave but whatever a bear needs to do what a bears needs to do, I guess.

Hakuna Matata:

The best thing Billy Crystal has ever done! I can’t start to tell you how much this song helped me out in my life. Like that one time I hit someone with my car and took off. When the police told me that the woman died and asked me why I ran, I said “HAKUNA MATATA!”. We had a good laugh and I served 15 years in jail.

Heigh Ho:

The hardest working men in Disney. These 7 little people made a great song about their favorite way to say hello to Snow White.

Under The Sea:

“Listen to me. The human world, it’s a mess.” Sebastian is a great promoter. He made me want to live under the sea. Detroit should hire him, so that people would want to move there. They new slogan could be “Detroit is the bubbles!” and by bubbles I mean shit.

Let It Go:

I got to be honest if you. I have never saw Frozen or want to see it. However I got to say this song is f’n great! I don’t even know or care what the other lyrics are. I just wait until I can yell LET IT GOOOOOOOOO!. I’m 30 by the way.

A Whole New World:

Aladdin taking his bitch for a ride. I wondered what Aladdin is up to now. He’s probably enjoying his life leading The ISIS

*Fun fact: Aladdin is voiced by D.J’s boyfriend from Full House.

Circle Of Life:

One more for The King! Circle Of Life is a great song but the title of the song doesn’t really match this video. I don’t think a monkey and a lion would ever be friends. I’m calling bullshit! It’s one of my favorite Elton John songs…….I don’t who in the hell this whore singing is.

When You Wish Upon A Star:

I’m a real boy! I never got into Pinocchio. The whole plot seems a bit off to me. We got some old dude making little boy sex dolls and then one of his wet dreams comes to life when one turns into a real boy? That’s sick! I guess it really doesn’t matter who you are when you wish upon a star. #Sandusky

Ugly Bug Ball:

Here’s a random one for you. Not even sure what’s this from but it’s great. I think Cee Lo Green should check out this ball. The dude looks like a ugly beetle.

I said “forget you”! You damn bug.

Never Smile At a Crocodile:

Christopher Walken hates crocodiles!

A Goofy Movie’s soundtrack:

A Goofy Movie is probably one of the most underrated Disney movies ever. Not sure why. I mean it won like 87 Oscars! (Not sure about that number) here is 3 great songs. Eye to Eye, Stand Out and On The Open Road. Enjoy!

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo:

You know listening to these songs back to back like this, make me realize that most of these songs just make up words. Walt Disney was just a poor man’s Dr. Seuss

The World Greatest Criminal Mind:

Love this song! The Great Mouse Detective only had 2 songs like this on it’s soundtrack. The other songs were just background music. But hey when you have such a classic like this who gives a shit about the other shit you have on your shity soundtrack.

*Fun Fact: The dude singing is Edward Scissorhands father.

Oogie Boogie Song:

I can’t even start to tell you how hard it was not to fill this list with Nightmare Before Christmas songs. So I just picked this one. I like Oogie Boogie…..still not sure what he is. Maybe a potato bag or something? Also is he some type of casino owner? But he sure can sing! The thing I like most about Nightmare is that it’s one of the few Tim Burton movies that doesn’t show his gay love he has for Johnny Depp

Well there you have it! Please keep in mind that this is called “Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs” and not ” Some Random Asshole’s Favorite Disney Songs” so please don’t flip out if you don’t see one of your favorites on here but please comment below to tell me your list.

Hello there! Welcome to 2015! The year of you. Like most people you probably made some type of resolution. Also like most people you probably will give-up on it by the 7th. Well worry no more! Here are some easy resolutions you can have this year. Your welcome!

I will take a shower at least once a month

I will drive by a gym every day on my way to KFC

I will not shoot anyone this year (Darren Wilson is using this one!)

I will buy all of Kesha’s albums

I will stop smoking but start smoking meth

I will only spend $4000 on porn this year

I will stop drinking…….on Tuesdays

I will get rid of my David Hasselhoff Pandora channel

He’s huge!*Huge in Germany

I will learn how to spell mispelled

I will promise not to punch that annoying neighbor in his stupid face. FUCK YOU TED!

I will buy a fish and not eat it this time

I will stop trying to use normal stamps to buy food

Yo, I will stop starting my sentences with yo

I will throw out all of my Limp Bizkit shirts

I will finally do a whole connected the dots all by myself

I always get lost after 14

I will stop acting like I live in London and drive on the right ride

I will travel more…..like to and from my bedroom

I will learn how to play the triangle

I will stop calling bitches dumb whores. LIKE TED’S DUMB WHORE WIFE

I will read a book

I will lie about reading a book

I will stop drinking R.C cola cause it’s not 1979 anymore

Liquid lead

I will not burn any churches down…..however Churches chicken might get it

I will stop crying when I watch the movie Click

I will stop using bed sheets as toilet paper

I will stop calling the suicide hotline for tips

I will learn all of the lyrics to Stupid Hoe

I will get ebola this year

I will stop retweeting ISIS

I will stop breaking people’s windows…..besides Ted’s

I will stop bringing real guns to play laser tag

I will give money to a homeless person

I will steal money from a homeless person

I will become the crazy cat lady in my town

I will change my name to Tom Hanks so people can give me Oscars

I will stop giving out used gum as gifts

I will start muti-tasking. Like I can save time if I take my naps while I’m driving

Lets review the things that sucked in 2014 and get ready for 2015 the year of Kesha!

1. LeBron James:

What do you call person who would move from Miami to Cleveland? Answer: A idiot also LeBron James. The King thought it would be a great idea to return to his home state. He is now the 3rd biggest star in Ohio. (#1 Johnny Football #2 Drew Carry)

2. ISIS:

Everyone likes head. Well the ISIS love heads! ISIS took over the internet for a few months in 2014 after a few beheading videos. I watched them for their great pro-wrestling promos at the start of each one. They acted like “bad guys” from the 80’s. Also I’m still convinced that the ISIS were just huge fans of The Governor from The Walking Dead and just wanted a fish tank of heads.

3. The Dad from 7th Heaven:

In his defense Jessica Biel was really hot when she was 13.

4. Malaysia Airlines Flight 370:

David Copperfield made his huge return in 2014. He was trying to top his Statue Of Liberty trick and I think he did a great job!!!!!!!!

*He had Ukraine shoot the plane down for him. Sorry if I ruined the trick for you. Also David Copperfield made-up Santa and God

5. Donald Sterling:

What’s the best to hide your racism? Own a NBA team. Donald got banned from the NBA for life. Which for him is only a few more weeks. So now there are 2 people banned from a league. Donald Sterling and Pete Rose. You see that betting on your team is just as bad as whipping your team.

6. Dennis Rodman:

Man a bad year for basketball….. D-Rod flew to North Korea to play basketball for some reason with Kim Jong Un. The North Korea Post reported that the game was a close one. The final score was 168-0. Kim Jon Un aka Jordan 2.0

7. Ebola:

Tony Romo was the second worst thing in Dallas in 2014. But don’t worry Tony, I think you will be back a top in 2015!

8. Robin Williams:

R.I.P Popeye. The Genie probably wishes he could change one of those “rules” now. For real I will miss Robin Williams, he was really great in Old Dogs.

9. Kim Kardashian’s butt:

Adding #breaktheinternet to a picture of your ass doesn’t break the internet. Kim must think she’s Kesha or something. If you really want to break the internet just break up with your second biggest ass you have.

*Mr.West

10. Happy:

If I hear this song one more time I swear I’m going to go on a mass shooting. This shit was up for a Oscar! A Oscar?! I mean come one! Only great people win Oscars. Like Three 6 Mafia and Eminem.

11. The Expendables 3:

Remember those ISIS videos I was talking about? This was a lot harder to watch.

12. Bill Cosby:

One more childhood hero of Joshua is ruined. Dr.Huxtable must have gave out a lot of day after pills back in the day! I feel like with all of that free Jell-0 and Kodak products he got for free made for a lot of really sick sex photos.

I hope I never find out that Sinbad or Jerry Seinfeld had sex.

13. Beating people in your family:

Hey we all hate our families sometimes. But punching your wife in the face (on video) or beating your son with a stick isn’t going to help any. It also doesn’t help when you’re getting paid millions of dollars to play a game. You may come off looking like a asshole. So hey Tom Brady, if you’re reading this and you really want to punch your wife or beat your kid…..just hide it better.

14. Ferguson:

Well someone had to bring it up. It would be very hard to make any list about 2014 without having Ferguson on it. Unless if that list was named “Best Places To Live In 2014.” For those who forgot the plot. Here is what happened. A white cop shot and killed a young black teen. The details of shooting are kind of questionable. So the people of Ferguson thought they would show how much they hated the police by burning down a beauty store and a Little Caesars. FUCK THE POLICE!!!!!!

Here are some honorable mentions on things that sucked in 2014 but didn’t suck enough to make the top 14:

Maroon 5

Diet orange soda

The New York Jets

Wonder Woman

Joshua Proctor

Iowa

Books

South Korea

Kid Rock

White cops

Sorry guys!!!! But I have a great feeling that some of you will be on the 15 Things about 2015 That Sucked list……IOWA I’M LOOKING AT YOU!

It’s Hanukkah season!!!!! You know the holiday that everyone forgets about. Well here are 8 fun/real facts about The Jewish Christmas.

1: Hanukkah celebrates the victory of the Maccabees or Israelites over the Greek-Syrian ruler, Antiochus about 2200 years ago. It is not about other great victories in Jewish history like:

The New York Yankees winning the World Series over The Mets

Bill Goldberg beating Hulk Hogan

Seinfeld winning a Emmy

Mel Gibson dying of cancer

Being undefeated at the game Monopoly

2: Each night of Hanukkah, an additional candle is placed in the Menorah from right to left, and then lit from left to right. On the last night, all the candles are lit. Also if you lit more then one candle on one night you will be sent to Jewish hell when you die. Jewish hell is also known as Germany.

3: During Hanukkah, families eat latkes(potato pancakes) and sufganiot (jelly donuts), or other foods which are fried in oil, to celebrate and commemorate the miracle of the Festival of Lights. On the other days of the year they eat potatoes covered in jelly.

The Festival of Lights is also a name of a Jewish rave they have each year.

4: In Yemen, children went from house to house, tins in hand, to collect wicks for the Hanukkah Menorah.Unlike in the Adrian Peterson household where children go from house to house to collect switches.

5: In Germany, the eighth and last night of Hanukkah used to be very special. All the leftover wicks and oil were lit in giant bonfires. People sang songs and danced around the fire, often until the small hours of the night.

The key part in that first part is “used to be”. I can’t figure out why they stopped doing this. It may have something with the combo of Germany,Jewish people and giant bonfires.

6: Traditionally, Hanukkah is a time when children are encouraged and rewarded for their Torah studies. Consequently, it became fashionable to give the children Hanukkah money and presents during the holiday. What’s Hanukkah money? You might be asking. It’s money they get so they can go out and buy Christmas presents lie normal people.

7: Except in times of religious persecution, the menorah was placed outside the front door or, as is the custom today, displayed in the window of every Jewish home. They did this so people would know which homes not to break into cause they had lame Hanukkah gifts.

8: Hanukkah is celebrated in the home beginning on the 25th day of the Jewish month of Kislev. Kislev is of course better known Novdecember. A Jewish year has 24 months. Like Junly,Sepocttember, Macpril and Janbruary.

Welcome back! Part 2 of 4 of the worst WWE gimmicks ever. These 15 might be my “favorite” of all 4 parts. A lot of “what in the hell were they thinking?!” and “How high was Vince?” So lets get to these losers. (Once again I would like to remind people that this list is in alphabetical order. So if you don’t see someone like Nailz or Xanta Claus don’t worry.)

Speaking of Xanta Claus……..

Merry Christmas from Xanta Claus!!!The Disciples Of Apocalypse:

Back in the late 90’s WWE had a lot of gangs. Representing the whites was D.O.A. Lead by Mr.Heart Punch himself Crush. These dudes would ride their bikes down to the ring which was a pretty great idea cause the noise would wake the crowd up. Not a big impact on pro-wrestling but I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for D.O.A there wouldn’t be a S.O.A.

Doink:

Clowns are creepy. They’re also make for awful wrestlers. Truth be told Doink was my favorite guy to be in WWF Raw back on Genesis. However I look at Doink like those Ernest movies. Yea they were pretty funny when you were 7 but didn’t really stand the test of time. Doink and the D.O.A’s Crush did have one of my favorite Wrestlemaina moments ever. Watch video below.

Duke “The Dumpster” Droese:

The Duke of trash made his debut back in the early 90’s. The fact that his gimmick was about trash was pretty ironic. (Cause he was trash) Duke had a feud with Triple H. One of those 2 went on to become one of the greatest wrestlers ever and the other one went on to become a pretty ok asst.manager at Radio Shack.

Eugene:

A special-needs wrestler………….oh do I need to go on? I feel like whoever thought of this gimmick had special needs. Sadly Eugene won the tag titles with William Regal. That was the high point in his very low career. He caught the small bus out of the WWE in 2007 and has never seen again.

Executioner:

It’s crazy who these last 3 jobbers had feuds with. Triple H had feuds with Duke and Eugene and Executioner made his debut by attacking The Undertaker at a In Your House. That was about it for him. After Taker beat him at In Your House: It’s Time The Executioner’s career was sentence to death.

He had his own toy!Farmer Pete:

I just put this midget wrestler on here cause he looks like a pedophile. Think about that for second this pedophile looked like a child. Talk about your ice-breakers!

Flash Funk:

Double F is one of the main reasons why a lot of wrestling fans hate WWE. Better known for being the great 2 Cold Scorpio in WCW and ECW, he was made into a very bad joke in WWE. I always will look at Flash Funk as one of many Vince’s middle fingers he gave wrestling fans………HOWEVER GREAT THEME MUSIC!

Friar Ferguson:

Speaking of looking like a pedophile…..Friar Ferguson has in and out of WWE only after a few weeks. Some say he went back to preaching the good word and others say they don’t give a shit. Friar is one Ferguson I wouldn’t mind watching burn to the ground.

*Talking about his height cause that’s all anyone remembers about him. Oh yea he also feuded The Undertaker. Man, Taker had some pretty lame feuds.

Gillberg:

Who’s next? Who cares?! We wanted to know who’s first! Gillberg was a parody of Goldberg and a lot like how Hot Shots was better than Top Gun, Gillberg was better than Goldberg. He held the Light Heavyweight Title for 15 months!!!!!!! Which speaks more to how much of a joke that “title” was.

The Godfather:

I know! We all loved him but come on. It was a bit much. The father of the Ho Train is what the Attitude Era was all about…..over the top racism.

Goon:

After being kicked off of every hockey team he played for Goon came to WWE to bore people to death. Just like most NHL players nobody wanted to see Goon. His god damn finishing move was a him checking people into the ring post. He would win all of his matches by count-out! (Not saying he won many matches.) Goon went on strike and hasn’t been seen since.

The Headbangers:

Headbangers were made so that fans of Marilyn Manson and Korn would have someone to root for. But just like Marilyn Manson and Korn they quickly got old and easily forgotten. The Headbangers did what they said they would do. They made people bang their hands against a wall questioning their life.

The Heart Throbs:

We go from Korn to BSB! Antonio and Romeo made up this classic team. Making their debut in 2005 The Throbs quickly became a fan favorite………but that ended by the time they made it to the ring. The only good thing about these 2 is that they went bye bye bye only after a few months.

The Hurricane:

Stand back,there’s a Hurricane coming though! WWE’s favorite superhero (Sorry Steve Blackman) made his debut in 2001. His superpower? Oh it was being awful. There is no human that could have been as awful as he was. I mean his favorite superhero was The Green Lantern! Nobody likes that dude. Fun fact: Ryan Reynolds favorite wrestler was The Hurricane! Just joking nobody like The Hurricane. I’m pretty sure Hurricane Katrina had more fans.

Well there you have it! Part 2 of 4. Feel free to comment below for people you think should have been on one of the first 2 parts or people you hope to see in parts 3 or 4.

Christmas is the Kesha of holidays. It seems to start earlier each year. This year I think I saw a tree up on July 5th. It’s a huge deal here in America. The music however………..It’s not that great. The ones that are good get played to death. So I made a list of Christmas songs that you don’t hear every year or never want to.

R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas:

Now I’m going to try to not to tear each song apart but a Christmas Star Wars song? It doesn’t even make sense. Star Wars takes place a long long time ago. That means before Christ! I mean Kesha wasn’t born until the 80’s!!! Also fun fact about this “song”. It’s Bon Jovi singing it!

Barking dogs singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas:

After hearing this, I’m a huge Michael Vick fan.

I Think You Might Like It:

Remember that one Christmas when you got nothing you wanted? You thought that was the worst X-Mas ever? Well John Travolta is going to try his hardest to make you forget about that day with his gift of ear cancer.

How much money does he need?! I mean I hope he got paid and didn’t pay to do this shit. After watching this trash I can see why both of these dicks weren’t asked to be in Grease 2

Ring The Bell:

For those who don’t know. I LOVE WRESTLING! But even I have to say this is fucking awful. I do agree with the title. RING THE DAMN BELL! STOP THIS SONG!

A Very Sara Xmas:

There should be more Christmas songs like this……….

I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas:

This lil brat needs to get a job. Lets just look past her being a bitch and focus on the video. What’s with her dance moves in the middle? I feel like she may want to get that brain tumor taken care of for Christmas and save the hippo for Flag Day.

I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ For Christmas:

Back to back rotten kids. At least this one is gettin nuttin. The list of things this kid has done all year make me believe that this must be a young serial killer. The twist by the way is that the family is Jewish.

Funky,Funky X-Mas:

NKOTB! When I looked this up and saw that it was 5 minutes long I was pretty pissed but after listening to it I was ready to track down all 5 members and murder them. WTF was Mr.Wahlberg and the gang thinking?! They should have named this song Shity,Shity X-Mas.

Someday At Christmas:

Someday At Christmas is like the rich man’s War Is Over by John Lennon. That being said doesn’t Stevie sound like a chick in this song? Like my god. It kind of makes me feel even worse for him. Not only is he blind but he sounds like a bitch? Why does god hate him so much?

All I want For Christmas:

I know that this is a pretty famous Christmas song but man alive!…..The video! I don’t follow Justin Bieber but I thought dancing was one of his things. What in the hell is he doing? He looks like he has special needs. The whole thing seems like a very cheap J.C Penny ad. Which would make it a very rich K-Mart ad.

Come On Christmas:

Do you need a Christmas song to kill yourself to? Well I got one for you! Come On Christmas by Dwight Yoakam is just the song you need while you’re hanging yourself cause the only Merry Christmas texts you got were from a wrong number and the one you sent from your second phone.

The Christmas Songs:

You know what Christmas needs more of? The Hoff! David is such a genius. Instead of just making a new Christmas song he just took old ones and ruined them! Thanks Mr.Rider! I do dig his Han Solo look he is rocking in the video.

The Christmas Shoes:

Just voted the worst X-Mas song ever. Christmas Shoes is about some loser buying his mother some Vans for Christmas. The thing that makes the whole song sad is that she wanted Converse.

It Must Be Santa:

0: The number of fucks Bob Dylan gave while doing this trash.

Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas:

Best title ever! John Denver begging his dad not to get drunk is pretty catchy. Fun fact: John Denver’s dad was a drunk and he was also the pilot of John Denver’s plane.

Well there you have it! I hope you have a very Kesha Christmas and a Stone Cold New Year’s!!!!!!!