Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yes, it is that time of year again. The lonliest time in a Mistress' calendar. For those of you in love with an MM (thankfully I no longer qualify for that role) then it is the most emotionally crucifying time. (Note to my "American Mistresses" - you will have already had to deal with Thanksgiving, so I feel for you. I have been there, done that too!).

(*And, NOTE to any wives reading: - Make sure that the only thing your husband is stuffing this Christmas is, the turkey and you!!)

This is the time of year when the man you love is with another woman, and making Christmas arrangements with HIS friends and family, not with you and yours. I beg of your sisters, do NOT get sucked in by his excuses of how "he will leave his wife in the New Year," or, how he is "only staying with her because it's Christmas," and the icing on the cake of course, "I have to be there for the sake of the kids!" (He doesn't think of that when he spends the rest of the year lying to them!)

I do hope you will all be savvy enough to at least try and get out and meet new people, and bag yourself a single available man for the Christmas season, as well as the New Year!! ... Don't sit at home eating a turkey meal for one, followed by lashings of mulled wine, pontificating over 'what he is doing.' Get out there and start doing it for yourself. (Of course, do let your MM buy you a nice big juicy Christmas present first though :-))

I am hearing from so many of you now - as I always do at this time - as Christmas is the benchmark in a Mistress' diary; a chance to contemplate all that has gone on previously in the year, a time to take stock of it all. Some of your emails are heartbreaking, especially the one from Mistress E who is pregnant by her MM!!

So ladies, I pray you will find some comfort and joy this season. If you are having a tough time, remember, there is a chapter in my book called, "How to Survive Christmas as a Mistress." That will put it all into perspective for you. I wrote that from the heart, after the 'crappy holidays' I always spent being with Mr. X at Christmastime. An awful time of my life (and, even all the gifts couldn't take away the pain.)

Upwards and onwards though. Please keep sending me your emails and stories, and of course, feel free to share your comments on my blog where you will meet plenty of other 'other women.' I do read all of your comments and post them on site, so remember, if you want to remain anonymous, do not leave your name with your comment.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I just wanted to thank you for the multitudes of letters, emails and blog comments of support at this time - as well as now - all those from men too! I'm taking a minute to publish a few of the emails I've received that have particularly touched me, ironically two of them are from men. Obviously I am publishing these anonymously. Thank you all.

Sarah J. x

Hi Sarah,

I'm sure you get tons of emails about your book, both good and bad.

I started having an affair about 3 months ago. First and hopefully the last for me. I think I got the courage to do it when my girlfriend told me she was having an affair with an MM herself. She's older, social butterfly, happy, accomplished and I look up to her.

I actually have become "friends" with my MM. We have gone away on vacation, received jewelery, flowers, dinners, and have stayed in fancy hotels.

Thanksgiving just passed and everything you said in your book was to the point... jealousy, etc etc. His birthday is next week and Christmas and New years around the corner!! Boy I got hit with everything at once!

I wanted to thank you for writing this book, because Im not thrilled doing what Im doing. Im at a bad point in my life with my career, dead end relationships, recession, and family drama. It was supposed to be fun, carefree and to some point it was supposed to bash men. In a weird turn of events he has become a great friend, someone I can depend on emotionally and care deeply for. I look up to him and his success, his family life and his love for life. Im jealous of all that he has (including me).

Your book is a great eye opener and a rational logical, realistic hot metal prod to the ass about what an affair is. Its an AFFAIR! If I am going to have one, I need to treat it like a business. I need to separate my personal feelings from the situation.

I also heard from the news about your affair with the celebrity chef, hope everything works out for you. Most people would see you and me as bad bad evil women but I dont.

Do I feel for the wife? I do. She has never done anything to me, yet I am to her. Maybe I can learn from her mistakes when I get married.

Have a great holiday season! Stay strong as well. Your book is like my new "bible".

Anonymous

Hello Sarah, I am a guy, just writing you a short note to offer support for your recent press appearance and also to say that I think you are an extremely attractive lady who has my utmost admiration.

I hope the press treat you well over the Gordon's issue from here on in - I am envious that I too am not a top Chef with a companion such as you.

I just find you wickedly attractive and as we only have one stint on this planet I could not let the opportunity to write to you pass by.

Have a nice day

M.

Hi Sarah,

I just wanted to drop you a line, as your situation and some of the less complimentary press you have received has got me thinking about my own past.

When I first started seeing my current girlfriend (of 4 years) she was still married so I guess I was 'the other man'. Although our affair was discreet while she was married and sorting out her issues with that relationship, when we started openly dating after her divorce I was of course not the most popular person with her friends and family. Anyway, I am not really sure what my point is, other than to say that sometimes a relationship is what it is and while it can be complicated and lead to people getting hurt, that does not make anyone a bad person. It is human nature to find people outside of your relationship attractive, to want something more and to pursue that interest.

After having a quick look at your blog I can only wish you luck with finding a single man to date, I imagine that most single men are intimidated by such a beautiful, intelligent and outspoken woman as you. Ah if only you were in the UK and I was single.... I would love a crack at the title! ; )I wish you luck in what you are doing, keep speaking out and standing up for the other women (and other men) and most of all I hope you have fun and play often!

Best, D.

P.S. Gordon is quite clearly an idiot! calling you a slapper when actually he should just feel blessed that he even managed to catch the eye of someone like you!

Monday, November 10, 2008

How many of you are out there trying to date 'single men only' now? (PLEASE don't tell me you are still trying to date married ones!!) How many of you feel like giving up on ever finding 'the one'? Don't you find it's so hard, and so time consuming? At least with the MM's we knew what they wanted (sex), and what drove them and stimulated them (sex), and when they would be available to make plans and meet up with us (for sex), but, these single creatures are another kettle of fish all together! I did write in an earlier blog, that I was 'having fun dating single guys,' well, that was yesterday, as we say in the business, and, this is today!

I even recently tried online dating (yep, I really was sad enough to succumb to it) because as you know, I too am trying to stay on the wagon and date ONLY single men. Trying to lead by example and all that. However, after a few more dating experiences since the last time I wrote, I am now convinced that all the best men really are married, or gay, or both!!!

At first glance of an online dating site, there is so much choice it's like being in a candy shop; However, as with candy, if you have too much of it you feel utterly sick. So, after sorting the online wheat from the chaff, I did meet a few nice chaps (in L.A.) whom I thought at the time had some potential....however, after doing some more D.D. (as I tell you all to do sisters) I realized I had been duped, and that they were misrepresenting themselves on every level (but not - as far as I know anyway - married at least!). I guess I should have twigged when some of them turned up looking nothing like their photos on their profile...I mean, if they were going to lie about their height (Note: ALWAYS take 2-3 inches off whatever height they say they are) and how they looked (by posting photos of themselves 10 years ago when they actually had hair) then why wouldn't they lie about other stuff too!

The most annoying thing for me, is wasting time, and I can see that dating single guys can be a colossal waste of time. Trying to navigate a single man's agenda can be a full time job - who needs that? (With MM's we know their agenda; yep, you got it, sex). Often with the single ones you can spend weeks getting to know them, only to find they turn out to be liars and waste-of-space-con-men in the end. Ugh! (At least with the MMs we know that up front, LOL)

We'll be coming up to the festive season soon - and 'all it has to offer.' Right now, all it has to offer is a few meals for one, and some emotional numbing chardonnay...(aka a vacation in a bottle - especially at this time of year!). But, maybe when I've got some party celebrations under my little Gucci belt, things will change. I like to think I am ever the optimist.

Send me some of your dating stories - whether disastrous or delightful - I'd love to compare notes. Since I am off men for a while, and certainly won't be trying online dating again anytime soon, let me live vicariously through you and your stories for a while.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Ok Sisters, I can see that the time has universally come to reclaim ourselves from the pain of dating an MM!!

I have had so many of you write to me to ask me about my renewal coaching services in these past few weeks, and I really want to get it going properly now, and give you the level of support you need. I am replying to all of your enquiries individually, based on where you are in your situation right now, and more importantly, where you would like to be.

Lets make this the thing of the future. You know I am the only one to be able to coach you, while feeling your pain at the same time, since as you all know by now, I have been in pretty much all of the situations you are in/or have been in.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Sisters, I now need YOUR support. Would any of you (who live in the states) be willing to come on a woman's morning chat show with me, on national TV, next Wednesday? Any of you want to tell your story, and help me break the stigma of misconceptions that surround the 'other woman?' Expose the depth of lies these men tell us to reel us in etc, and how the OW is usually the one to suffer and be cast aside? I'll take the bullets for you, and you can tell your side of the story anonymously if you wish.

Time for us to take centre stage for once, rather than 'waiting in the wings' for life to begin.

If anyone is interested, email me in confidence to sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com

Ps - Note to Mistresses: I'm dating only single men now, and it is actually really fun. More on that later. Hope to hear from you.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

What do you know. Another political affair scandal his the tabloids. This time featuring John Edwards - the charming man whose dear wife is famously battling terminal cancer. Interesting to see that she is standing by her man, but then, as with many wives, where else does she really have to go, especially under her tragic circumstances. Mr. Edwards must be feeling full of integrity right now. Do you think the 'love child' is his? Watch this space....

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Sisters - for any of you needing to vent and needing some support on withdrawing from your MM's - go to the link www.mogulus.com/uk2la to see a video of a Mistresses Anonymous meeting I recently held in Los Angeles. This was filmed with four of my wonderful and inspirational mistresses, Mama Cat, Karen, Brenda and Lisa. A huge thank you to them again, and hopefully more of you will join me for the uprising as the M.A. meetings develop. I plan to visit as many states as I can to meet with you all. Mistresses Anonymous ROCKS. Of course we need to keep the guys anonymous, but this is our turn now to be the leading lady. We have been a secret for too long. Lets make up for wasted time and reclaim our lives and our spirits.

Hugs, and thank you for your support and blog comments, and emails as usual

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Sisters, some exciting news here from Hollywood. Today, the cover of my book was used as a prop in a feature film being shot. I was on location with them, and the name of the film is the title of today's blog...but the chances of some men 'fine-tuning' their technique is a whole other ball game right? (no pun intended.)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

This is something I get asked all the time, and so to reply to a comment from one of our sisters of the mistress-hood (posted under "Circumstantial Mistress") regards "How to Fall Out of Love with an MM?" - I have a simple solution to that question. To fall out of love with your MM, you need to empower yourself, and get your self-esteem back, and to help you do this, just think back on all of the lies and empty promises he has ever fed you, Think of all the soul destroying 'waiting' you have allowed yourself to endure by being his secret woman. Think of the number of times you have told him you were in pain, and how he still went home to his wife anyway, but more importantly, think on the most basic of truths here, he does not love you, or he would have changed his world to be with you. So don't belittle yourself enough to love someone who does not love you, who has lied to you (and is lying to his wife, and his family) and who you have no chance of a future with.

Hope this helps this particular mistress who wrote in with her very candid, and all too familiar, story (and by the way sister, the guy you write about sounds like a very nasty piece of work, and a manipulative bastard to boot; so the fact he is married and a cheat, should be enough to have you running for the hills?). I hope this will help empower all other mistresses reading too. I know it is a daily, uphill struggle, to get over this type of emotional scarring, but you will get there. Don't give in. Live the life you DESERVE, and don't accept to be second best any longer. And, it is ok to be alone you know.

For this sister - and any others who are currently trying to beat their addiction to the WRONG man - I do offer intensive coaching sessions, that will help you love yourself, and reclaim yourself. I call this service, "renewal coaching," as that is literally what this process is all about, renewing yourself. If you are interested to know more, then write to me at sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com for more information. I have helped countless women, including myself, to move on from this VERY toxic environment which I understand all too well.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Well here I am out in sunny California, still heeding my mission to spread the word and exposing the depth of lies men tell when they decide to cheat on their wives.

I did a very interesting interview today for a show called "Mom Logic" - and I spoke directly to wives, letting them know what some men, some husbands, were capable of, and alerting them to some of the signs they should look for if they suspect their hubbie is cheating on them.

Thats my job. To empower the 'other woman' to get out of her affair with her MM, as well as to wake up wives to the fact that so many men are cheating and the types of stories we, as the mistress, hear on a daily basis.

Rock on sisters. Lets make it as hard as possible for these guys to cheat, and to hurt us in the process, as so many of you still write to tell me they are!

Live from Hollywood, this is Sarah J. x

(P.S. SISTERS - I DO APOLOGIZE FOR POSTING THE SAME REPLY COMMENT TO ONE OF THE SISTERS OF THE MISTRESSHOOD FIVE TIMES BELOW...IT WAS A TECHNICAL ERROR, OR...PERHAPS I WAS JUST SO FRUSTRATED BY HER MM AND WANT YOU ALL TO LEARN FROM HER STORY...)

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I just finished watching the Oprah Show today, to hear Barbara Walters admit to a two year affair with the first ever African American senator, and Oprah sympathizing that she also had been in an affair with a married man years ago.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sisters, first of all my apologies for not writing my blog for a while. I have been so wrapped up with traveling from London to L.A. and preparing to hold the first ever Mistresses Anonymous group meeting that I have let it slip for a while and I'm sorry for that. But I am back now, and with a passion!

I am happy to report that I held the first ever meeting today. As of today, 4th May, at 4pm, history was made and a taboo was broken. We now have our own support group, and I am determined to break the stigma of the "Other Woman." Ultimately, if married men didn't choose to break their vows by cheating on their spouses in the first place, then there would not be a need for us to provide this community service. I am sick to death of the other woman being the loser in all ways, financially, mentally and physically. We give all of ourselves for very little in return - least of all commitment!

The women who joined me today were amazing women, who just happened to be, or have been, MM addicts - settling to be with someone who can never put them first, and suffering from the emotional trauma that comes with believing in the lies, and procrastination, that a married man will use to keep you in his life - as was the case with me. I hope to empower all women to not accept being second best in life any more. It is ok to be alone you know, and isn't it better to be alone and lonely, than with the wrong guy and lonely?

I am still in recovery from my experiences which have scarred me more than I can ever tell you. Nobody held a gun to my head to stay with the man hurting me, but I was so deep into this emotionally crucifying pattern that I had not the strength to get out. That is why I will never, ever, judge any of you, whatever your circumstances. (What's next for us? Our own recovery happy house for reformed other women? Our own dating agency to help us meet decent available guys who WILL put us first?).

As women, we have to want to get out of this toxic environment for ourselves, not because someone tells us we should. Sadly, this usually means you have to hit that brick wall of pain first, to make you wake up and realize you cannot continue to live the life you are. I call this the 'wake up call,' and will be using it a lot from now on. Oprah has her AHA moment that we can all relate to, but now us mistresses have the "WUC" moment (a.k.a wake up call!) which I officially launch here on my blog as of today. I really hope that all of you will experience the WUC very soon!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I heard a sad story today, and whatever part of the world you are in, you are bound to have heard it too by now: - the story of the 7ft 'Grizzly' bear, named Rocky, that mauled it's trainer to death in Southern California. What a tragic, but very real story.

I was lucky enough to be a guest, a few years ago, to the exact site of this tragedy - that of the "Predators in Motion" holding of wild animals - a gated community of wild, essentially man-eating beasts, expertly trained for stunts and movies by the absolutely awesome Randy Miller and his crew. I would liken Randy to a modern day Tarzan, really I would, both in his exquisitely exotic looks, as well as his hardened persona. They just do not make people like Randy any more, weird and wonderful as he is, he is an amazingly fearless human being, and drop dead gorgeous to boot! I remember how, during our visit to Randy, his proud father, Alan, had us all sit in front of Randy's big TV screen to watch the scenes of him wrestling with tigers in the movie "Gladiator," when he acted as Russell Crowe's stunt body double. Us women gathered were in awe of him. I for one was besotted, and as we sat on his simple porch, eating the wonderful feast he had cooked for us, I had to wonder how he could be so brave and seemingly so gentle too.

All that said, a human life was lost today, taken by an animal who we humans may try to placate, but can never own. It's instincts obviously kicked in, and who knows why. But as the saying goes, live by the sword, die by the sword.

I alerted my friend, who had taken me to Randy Millers compound for that BBQ, 6 years ago this June, about the tragedy, and he summed it up in his own spiritual way: He said, "Sarah, I now it's sad, but that was his own choice on how to live his life, and his father would know one day how he would die. He would be happy in his life, because he made his choice."

Friday, April 18, 2008

Dear Sisters of the Mistress-hood (SOMs?) if any of you are current mistresses, living and operating in L.A. or past mistresses still in recovery, please email me in confidence to sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com. I would love to talk to you about an upcoming project I'm working on to finally get our voice heard in society!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Sisters, I would like to ask all of you, how many of you actually chose the "lifestyle of a mistress" and how many of you fell in to it purely by accident? Did you set out to make it happen, or was it thrust at you through a set of circumstances that presented themselves?

Let's try getting the ground breaking "Mistresses Anonymous Forum" going here, via my blog. And remember, if you do not wish to post your real name with a comment, make one up, or be sure to go under "anonymous."

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Well sisters of the mistresshood, I wasn't sure what I was going to write today, but I just took a look at the reviews listed by my readers on amazon.com, and came across a new one written by a lady, who entitled the review, "Initforlove." She basically has castigated any mistress who expects, or God forbid desires, to be spoiled with nice gifts and good things in life by her MM - further saying that my book pretty much related only to 'other women' who acted like prostitutes... adding that she, like many others, only used married men for sex and good company (err? isn't that just an unpaid prostitute, hmm...)

So now, first of all, let me clear something up here: - I am not (and I quote) "under the impression that women only use men for money and gifts" (unquote). Any real mistress, especially one who is in the middle of getting her heart broken, or is recovering from intense heartbreak and wasted years of empty promises and lies, will know that while an MM selfishly uses his OW for sex and good times (purely to help the longevity of his stale marriage) the wife, whom he is cheating on, is benefiting from ALL of his new found happiness (which his OW is providing remember) as well as from his financial security in general (that's if you're involved with a wealthy MM of course - and if not, WHY not??). I hear from my mistresses all the time, how they are "annoyed their MM never helps them in any way, yet shows-off about how he has bought the wife (whom he doesn't love and who doesn't make him happy) that new car, or a trip to the Caribbean...."

So please, do explain why, when the cheating MM is buying his wife those "guilt gifts," taking her on family vacations, and out for nice dinners (just so she doesn't suspect him of anything of course) that he cannot treat his wonderful, caring, and attentive other woman in the same way, if not better? Cos, I'd LOVE to know.... (Note to MM's: We OW don't all just live to give you blow jobs you know!)

I do, however, admire the reader for being so detached, and so cold in her emotions toward her MMs (which is what I tell ALL you mistresses to do - protect your hearts, i.e. NEVER let yourself fall in love with him!!) yet, her title of, "Initforlove" seems to contradict that whole attitude. The only thing I can assume is that A). she is an extremely wealthy, older woman who enjoys male company but can't find any single ones - if so, then bravo sister - it is certainly better than paying for a gigolo! B). She is a youngster, and is happy being gratuitously used for sex at this stage - to that I would say, keep reading my blog, you will soon learn....

Sisters, I want to be spoiled by any guy I am dating, whether he be married or single, and I sure do spoil him back in return. You all know my mantra by now, which is, "better not to date an MM at all, but if you are going to, then hell, don't you be the loser, as the other two people driving the relationship are in it to win it! Get out of it - or, get the MOST out of it - I always say."

I will end by saying that I do so appreciate any and all readers who purchase my book, and who do take the trouble to leave reviews, both good and bad. They are your opinions and I respect them.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Ok Sisters, it's official! There is a drought of decent SINGLE men in London (but lots of naughty married ones!!). I gave it my best shot at singles - but nearly ended up falling off the "ex-mistress wagon" again...yikes!

Send me your stories. Have you more success than me, in whichever city you live in..?

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Well, since I am here on business anyway, I thought I'd try and throw a bit of pleasure in to the mix too....? They forecast rain in London tomorrow, but will it bring a light sprinkling of testosterone with it too?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Well, tonight really IS Pillow Talk, as I am writing today's blog, horizontally from my bed here in the UK, where the time is the stroke of midnight - my bed, with the delicious leopard print sheets, and the feathered satin throw cushions, is a joy to behold and is my favorite place to be. I do have this 'thing' about animal prints in general you know, and anyone who knows me, well knows that. My friends try to outdo each other with the sassiest little leopard print gifts possible...I love them all (the gifts not my friends LOL) especially the underwear! I once had an MM who even bought me leopard print car mats (it was a shame he didn't buy me the car to go with them too!)

I do feel like a diva here, but why not eh? After a long day of coaching my mistresses, each with stories of their MM's that make my blood boil, what better way to wind down than in the leopard skin sheets, with a large Gordon's gin and tonic in hand, and my laptop as company (Carrie Bradshaw, eat your heart out sister).

This is my idea of bliss, and who needs men anyway? (yes well ok, it would be nice to have the option) but in the meantime, we have to live our lives and savor each and every moment - whether we have a man or not, and judging by some of the stories I have heard today, we may well be better off without them (at least the bad ones anyway).

So sisters, I urge you too to go and purchase leopard sheets, or even satin ones as I had in L.A. (satin sheets are GREAT in hot weather) and spoil yourself in every way possible...and, look at it this way, if you do get lucky, and bring home a hot (unmarried??) date - then boy will he be in for a pleasant surprise! That is always the benefit of dating a mistress (or an ex-mistress) as we are sexy women, and we know how to be hot in every possible way, especially in the bedroom.

(IMAGINE a cougar mistress too - now thats hot! Let me know if you are one.....Prrrr!)

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Thank goodness April is here, and spring is blooming. The perfect time to flush the wrong men out of our lives, and welcome in the new. I'm looking hard for a good one in the month of April I can tell you. I'll keep you posted of any hot dates - and I will try to make them with single guys only :-)

I write today, in reply to a comment I had, from one of my adorable anonymous mistresses, yesterday - wanting to know more about her MM's motivations of trying to keep in touch with her (even after she exposed him to his wife in, very, pointed emails.) Now, as I always tell you sisters, it is very simple: the MM wants it all his own way for as long as possible. If you bust him to his wife (as this particular mistress did, and as I did with mine too) you have to expect he will stay with his long suffering other half. It is a given. However, as I always tell you too, he WILL come back and you do need to be ready with your M.O. when he appears.

Whether it be by msn, text, a mutual friend, or whatever - when he comes back - after his boring marriage has been patched up for a few months, what will you do? In my opinion, you at least have to see him for what he is. He did choose to be with his wife and family, not you, so make a mental note of that and act accordingly. Whatever he said you meant to him (yawn!) it obviously was not enough for him to make the life changes he promised you.

Only you will know how to exact your next move. Whether it be revenge or romance - do let me know.....

Monday, March 31, 2008

An anonymous mistress has posted a comment on my blog of last week ("Text Book MM") saying how her affair with an MM works for her; that she keeps her emotions in check, and sometimes doesn't even answer his calls - bravo sister.

Reading her story has given me an idea for today's blog - since there are so many SUW's out there (a.k.a single unmarried women - for anyone who hasn't read my book) let's talk for a minute about the single life, and the benefits of living it. And as I always say, being the 'other woman' is pretty much like being a single woman anyway, since your guy is never around when you need him, especially on holidays and special occasions. But, the upside of that, is why many of us have affairs in the first place. We want a man in our life (especially if he is the drop dead gorgeous, unavailable type eh) yet we don't want to give up our freedom, nor become tied to domestic duties for a significant other. (In fact, many (savvy) mistresses think and operate more like men than they realize.)

As an SUW, think of the pleasure of coming home to a calm, restful space, that is undisturbed. Of talking on the phone to your friends all night, or watching re-runs of Sex and the City in bed with a large bottle of shiraz, all without the worry of anyone telling you what to do, how you shouldn't drink so much, or changing channels etc. Come on girls, we have heard it all before...

However, whilst I think that the SUW and OW should make the most of being home alone, I don't want you to get all dark and despondent about feeling lonely: so here are a few tips to make sure the single life is worth living:

Do revel in the fact that you can watch whatever you want on TV, whenever you want to

Don't find yourself still on the sofa at 2am every morning watching the 24 hour news.

Do enjoy a drink alone of an evening, it is ok to drink alone you know

Don't get sloshed, nor rely on alcohol as company!

Do have a dog or a cat as a house companion

Don't treat your pet as a child, or ever refer to it as you 'baby' (ugh!)

Do revel in the fact that you can have long, relaxing, scented baths

Don't ever get so happy being alone, that you forget to go out and have some fun!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Dear Sisters of the Mistresshood....I am still wading through emails from you all, asking for my advice on what to do with your MM's. Too MANY of you are telling me you have fallen in love with your married lovers, saying that they are hurting you (which is why I tell you NOT to fall in love with them, hello?!) and recently, I've had a flurry of emails from other women who want to phone their MM's wives to personally expose them (as you know I did) that's how emotionally intense an affair can become. While I reply to you all personally, and I do read every word of your amazing stories - detailing your secret lives - I wanted to write today on a positive note about being a mistress, and how to be a damn good one!

If you are being a savvy mistress (if not - read my book, urgently) you will know exactly why you are choosing to have an affair with this needy married man, the one who is not having his needs met at home (or so he will profess: - and remember here, my rule, "to never believe a thing he tells you!"). You will be either dating him as a stop gap until you find the right single guy, and apparently they are out there (yeah right). Maybe it is just for the great sex (affair sex is always great isn't it sisters) or maybe it's just because it suits you not to have a regular relationship with a full time guy - and that's ok, but just make sure to keep your emotions in check, because the minute a mistress wants to be the wife, there is trouble ahead.

So, to keep this married man that you are enjoying having an affair with (sisters, please, no more crying over him - either enjoy him - or move on) you do have to treat him properly, and make it a joy to be with you. After all, thats why he came to you in the first place - for TLC and good times.

Below, I list some tips on how to show your MM you care (wives may get some pointers from them too).

Have a nice (VERY SIMPLE) dinner ready for when he comes over to you - served of course, wearing nothing more than an apron, and some very sexy stilettos.

Prepare yourself (NOTE: Always take longer on your preparation than the meal preparation). Be refreshed, smelling great, and looking fabulous! Always remember, you are in competition with the wife.

Be happy to see him, greet him warmly, and show sincerity in your desire to be with him (fake the sincerity if you ever need to).

Make sure your place is an oasis of peace, order, and tranquility. Where your married man can feel relaxed and renew himself in body and spirit.

When he leaves, revel in your time alone, get on the phone to available guys who will be free at the weekend, and slap on your night cream and old pajamas - all the things you must NEVER let him see. Let him think of you as a perfect goddess, and he will always be back for more. Of course, over the dinner you have (lovingly prepared, and served with a warm smile) make sure to talk about what's in it for you, so - plan that next trip abroad, the next swanky dinner at the hottest place in town, or mention those designer-shoes-to-die-for that you have seen; basically, whatever is important to you. It is all about the balance after all, and if you keep the affair working equally for both of you, you will have a far better time of it, I guarantee.......

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Today I dedicate my blog to the lovely Anonymous Mistress who sent in the comment on my last blog entry below. Thank you sister! Now, I am assuming that after you called the wife, she DID of course stay with him right? - and just out of interest, will you be accepting your ex-MM's advances to try and come back in to your life - or has your other man filled his void :-)

Proud of you sister for following the rules, by dating other guys at the same time as your MM. That way you are never left alone, and at least he fills the time until the MM tries to come back to you, which he always does. What you do at that point will be your decision, and, as they say, 'may the best man win!' (And, note to sisters, if you have any trouble finding a spare MM, go straight to ashleymadison.com or ashleymadison.co.uk, where you will be totally spoilt for choice.)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Dearest "sisters" - I just want to thank you all, so much, for the daily deluge of emails and letters you send, asking for my advice on how to best conduct your affairs - or often - how to get out of them while still remaining sane! Sadly, this past week, I have been hearing from too many of you who have been 'dumped' when your MM's wife has found out about you (or when you have told his wife about the affair yourself, as I did) and you are breaking your hearts. Well DON'T - he is not worth it - and this is why I tell you NEVER fall in love with your married man.

I do read all of your emails and I answer each and every one of them as quickly as possible, personally. Thank you for so candidly sharing your stories with me. Some of them heartbreaking, many of them frustrating, most of them familiar! I have been through a lot and have come out the other side. I can help you, as I know how you are feeling, and I know you have no one to talk to about this. The other woman has few sympathetic ears to turn to!

I'll need my own radio show soon, just as I had in Los Angeles, to be able to deal with the amount of juicy information that comes to me. I'm working on it sisters. Stay tuned. We need a support group - and I am here for you to make it happen. After all, this is such an intriguing topic, and since writing my book, I have uncovered a whole secret society of "other women" who need me. I will be the "Peoples Mistress" for all of you who don't have a voice.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

To all my moribund mistresses who are alone this Easter weekend (due to the loves of your lives spending quality time with their wives and families) I wanted to alert you to an article I read today, which stated that 'being in a bad marriage is dangerous for one's health and can cause more stress than being single.' Apparently, being unhappily married can cause high blood pressure, so you might want to check your MM's general health and well-being when he returns to you after this long weekend spent with his family. You may need to administer extra TLC.

But at least you don't have to hold back on the Easter Eggs though - as chocolate doesn't give you high blood pressure! I also recommend reading chapter 11 of my 'handbook for the other woman,' which tells you how to survive such important - often lonely - social holidays as a mistress. Hopefully, most of you will have made other plans to be with an available, highly-testosterone-charged, stand in of a man this weekend. I know I have!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Well, well, well. What a story about The Governor of New York eh? The exposure of Eliot Spitzer's secret life has caused such a stir that it's consistenly being covered on the news, and TV chat shows daily. I am amazed why we are all so surprised though. The only thing that surprises me is that he was actually caught (oh, and that his wife's name is so near to the name "Tilda.")

However, I was beyond thrilled to learn that today's episode of the Oprah Show, was the repeat of the show I was privileged to be a guest on last October, called, "I'm the Other Woman." (Now - what's that saying about an ill wind blowing somebody some good?)

Saturday, February 23, 2008

For any of you who read the story about me in my local newspaper this weekend, entitled, "Jetset Mistress writes Bestselling Book" - (www.southwalesargus.co.uk) - although there was a photo of my parents and I in the article, the story omitted to mention the fact that they had just celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary this week (which has to make you wonder where I came from with my infidelity issues then eh?...)

Congratulations Jean and Mike Symonds - and thanks for putting up with a daughter like me!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Well well well, good ole Tilda Swinton, my hero. I am sure you have all heard her story in the press recently. How she is traveling the world with that handsome young hunk of a chunk, and how her husband lets her get on with it as he stays home to mind the kids. What a wonderful agreement they have all reached - and who are we to judge?

(quite how she was able to bag her hottie is another question though, I mean, did you SEE what she was wearing at the Bafta Awards? hmmm.....)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Hello my little rose petals. Before we go any further, let me raise my crystal flute, full of pink champagne, to all my readers in a toast, whomever you may be with today (and even if it is with someone else's parter!! :-)

Due to recently relocating to the UK for a while, in conjunction with my exciting new position of, "Spokeswoman for ashleymadison.com and now, ashleymadison.co.uk," I am currently between affairs, so to speak. But I am interviewing candidates for the role of my new MM, and will let you know how I get on. You all know my criteria by now, rich, old, and lots of fun!!!

I'm hoping all of you are being loved up today - and if not, why not? For anyone suffering the acute physical, and or, emotional rejection in their relationship or marriage - which so many of you write to tell me about - you do know you have options now with the Ashley Madison on line dating service catering to attached people who want to meet other like-minded adults. You no longer have to be ashamed about having sexual and emotional needs beyond your current relationship. Who needs that? Life is too damn short as it is...

And, in my experience, having a romantic affair can actually allow a person to have their needs met, while maintaining their otherwise healthy and happy relationship with their partner.

So, until tomorrow, have yourselves a great day - and try to have sex with somebody (even if it is your partner) to mark the occasion. And ladies, I hope that you will be so 'wined and dined' tonight, that you will be reading tomorrow's installment of the 'pillow talk blog' with a huge hangover (and some nice trinkets of course :-).

Sunday, February 10, 2008

So many of you tell me you are not looking forward to Valentines Day. You say that, if you are alone, you are depressed because you have no love interest and nobody to "spoil you," and many of you tell me, that although you have a partner, or a married lover, you do not get the attention from him or her that you desire. I ask you though, what is enough??

I have no worries about Valentines Day, as whether I receive anything or not it doesn't matter to me, as I will be buying myself some roses, and definitely some champagne, to celebrate all I have achieved this year. I believe that if you are content with what you have, you will always end up having more. If you always concentrate on what you dont have, you will never ever have enough in life....

(Jon - email me to sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com, if you are still in London? I'm intrigued...)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Thank you for all of your continued emails on your situations with your "MMs," asking for advice:- all of your stories are so different, but always remember that he is the one having it all not you. Wise up to that and you will be ok...

I write this blog from New York, where I celebrated my birthday yesterday.

With regards to the angry wife who sent me a comment to my blog, in relation to the article that appeared in the Sunday Express Newspaper in the UK yesterday, two things: 1). I am proud of you for actually divorcing your husband when you found he was having an affair - so many wives don't, but 2). The anger you show toward me, and "other women" would be better directed at your husband, or rather, ex-husband.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Hello my little blogettes - I am sorry for not writing my blog every day; It had been one of my New Year's Resolutions, but between my diary, my "Mistresses Anonymous Support Group," and a novel I am writing, I hardly get any time to spare - (and definitely NO time for an affair these days, phew - I don't know where I ever found the time or energy!)

You will see the title of my blog today is "Princess' Day," as when I was traveling in Colorado over Christmas, I was told a story, by a very happily married wife. Her story made an impact on me. She and her husband told me that every Sunday is the day he spoils his wife, lets call her Patty for the sake of this story. He gushed about how he will do "anything Patty wishes, and give Patty anything her heart desires, all day on Sundays" (typical treatment involved running her a bath, bringing her breakfast in bed, etc.) So much so, that they had officially named Sunday as "Princess' Day," in their house!

I have no regal title, and no husband to spoil me, but I have to say that I have adopted the cause myself, and today, Sunday, I treated myself like a Princess!! Today was all about me - and I ended a wonderfully indulgent day with dinner and a movie. I saw the "Great Debaters" - it was totally brilliant, and a MUST SEE! Not only because it is produced by my favorite person, Oprah - but because it's message is all about, not quitting what you believe in, and not caring what other people think, but following your dreams and knowing you are as equal, and as good as, anybody else in the world. I think this movie would empower and inspire, anyone who watches it to want to be better! - and for the record, I though Denzil did some of the best acting I have ever seen him do.

Ok well, must shoot now, as I only have a short time left of Princess' Day - must go and finish indulging myself. Leave you with this little thought though - does this spoiling situation mean that EVERY DAY should be called "Princes Day" where men are concerned? considering how much we pamper them and look after their every need? (especially our MM's!) - and secondly, if I ever did get married, I would like to think the poor guy would spoil me every day, not just on Sundays!

Send me your comments. I get them all, but for some reason they don't get posted. Keep sending though, and I will get that fixed. In the meantime, feel free to email me to sarah@havinganaffairthebook.com, that way you are guaranteed a reply!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Hello to all my wonderful "anonymous adulterers" everywhere - this is your year!

Happy 2008, and I hope you, have all, made some wise decisions about the coming 12 months - I would love to hear from you, as to what stages of an affair you are in, and how you plan to proceed with it. I am here to help!

About Sarah

As the World's first and only Infidelity Analyst, you can imagine that I'm a pretty busy girl. A real life mix between Carrie Bradshaw, Dear Amy, and a smidge of Jackie Collins thrown in. I look forward to analyzing with you soon.