mend: to repair or fix something that has been damaged or broken.

Being a Single Parent… After an Abusive Relationship

Being a single parent is hard…

Being a single parent after an abusive relationship? Even harder!

As you all may know, and for those who may be new, I am a single parent. I have a daughter with my very first boyfriend ABUSER.

After gaining the strength to leave him while pregnant (after he tried to kill himself and throw me down the stairs of our second story apartment!) I knew one thing… if I thought breaking up with him was hard, this single parenting thing is going to be even harder!

I was right.

Parenting is by far the most challenging, stressful, adventurous, mind blowing, unpredictable thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life. Every single day is something new.

Just the thought that I am responsible for a tiny human, for the rest of its’ life blows me away.

Responsible for literally everything:

Food

Clothes

Roof over her head

Toys

Medical expenses

Kissing Boos Boos

Giving “The Talk” one day

Prom dress

Wedding gown

College tuition

Everything!

I found myself every single day of my pregnancy having anxiety.

How am I going to do this, alone?

How in the world am I going to provide for her all by myself at 19 years old?

What am I going to do?

When I began to constantly worry about the future I started to remind myself, If I could get through the abuse I went through and have the courage to leave, I can do literally anything!

It truly helped me to remember all of the crazy things I went through and how I overcame them!

I was still alive. I was healthy (somewhat). I was out of a dangerous situation.

All these things reminded me that yes I can do this alone and I will get through it!

Coming from a small town, rumors spread fast and before I had my blog people made up their own assumptions:

“I heard she had a baby with a basketball player at her school” (Uh, NO?)

“Wow, another girl knocked up and single!” (Wow, another low life spreading gossip)

“I heard she got pregnant then got dumped!” (Wrong!)

“She got pregnant and had to drop out of college!” (Wrong, again!)

I knew that being a single parent wasn’t going to be easy, so at first I chose to ignore the gossip…

Yet on my second Mother’s Day I decided, you know what? Let me address this once and for all!

I posted this on my social media:

You shouldn’t judge single mothers or fathers because you never know what they have been through!

After getting out of an abusive relationship I knew that I needed to go above and beyond in order to make this parenting thing work!

Here are many of the things that I do as a single parent!

Continued my education

I made sure to stay in school. If school is for you definitely stick with it, whether that be a four-year university, vocational/trade school, community college, or a certificate program. Any type of credential will help you in the long run.

Get government/financial assistance

Many people love to talk badly about those who receive assistance, who freaking cares! If you and your child/children need the help, apply for it! There are SO many programs that are out there meant to help single parents who are struggling to make ends meet.

Find affordable child care

Just like there are financial assistance programs there are also child care assistance programs. I was paying $225 a week for three days a week before applying for assistance, now it’s less than $100 an entire MONTH, for five days a week!

Other mom friends

Making mom (or dad) friends can help you as a person. Having that support system who understands the struggles of parenting as much as you do truly makes a difference.

Part time jobs/work from home

Although part time jobs don’t make big bank, they do come in handy. If you get to work from home? Even better! Set your own hours, work at your own pace, dream come true.

Make time for yourself

ALWAYS MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. As a parent, especially a single parent, I would lose sight of this. I would make everything about my child, about school, about work, about taking care of others, yet would never set aside time for myself. Just setting out 2-3 minutes out of your day to step back from your busy schedule and take a few deep breaths can help you relax and unwind.

Never give up!

This of course is the most important, never give up! Yes, it’s hard, really really really hard but it’s also rewarding! All your hard work and dedication as a single parent will pay off! You can do it!