Tantric Lovemaking and Intimacy

by Kerry Riley

Tantra is a spiritual science from
ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism from China.
Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and have
an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra
encourages one to explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of
sexuality was included, not only included but in fact revered.

Making love was seen as a gift to God.
So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It taught that when a man
approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if he were going
into a temple. The art of sexual love was the noblest of arts to study. As a
young person in ancient India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught
lovemaking secrets by Darkas and Darkinis, the priests and priestesses of
love. The study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of
Tantric rituals date back nearly five thousand years. So there is an
incredible wealth of knowledge we can draw on and use in our own lovemaking.

Tantric lovemaking can add to the ways
you make love in three major areas: Firstly: It gives you ways to reach
heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms of normal sex.

Secondly, it teaches you ways to open
to more love so that your heart opens even more to your partner and you
remember how great it feels to be deeply, passionately "in love."

Thirdly, it teaches Sacred Sex -- ways
to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience which will touch you on
every level of your being, body, heart and soul.

A male can increase and expand the
amount of ecstasy he can have and at the same time increase the length of time
he is able to make love so that his partner has a chance of reaching higher
states. Ejaculation control is an essential skill to master so that during
lovemaking, instead of ejaculating at the first peak of energy which a lot of
men do, they can learn instead to peak with that energy and use techniques to
spread that energy throughout the entire body. Then as the urgency for
ejaculation subsides, continue to make love again until reaching another peak
- much higher than the first peak and then he can use techniques to peak and
spread the energy again. As he Continues to do this, reaching higher and
higher peaks of ecstasy and at the same time his beloved is feeling that
energy and is being warmed up to higher orgasmic states.

In Taoist sexuality writings they say,
the woman is like water and the man is like fire. What normally happens is the
water puts out the fire too quickly, the man is left exhausted and the woman
is frustrated. They say there are in fact nine levels of a woman's orgasm,
nine levels that she goes through before she's fully nourished sexually before
her Shakti, her sexual spiritual energy is fully awakened. Most women have
their first orgasm at level four; the man ejaculates and the other five levels
are rarely reached. We as conscious men, as extraordinary lovers need to be
able to make love as long as necessary to satisfy our woman and at the same
time reach higher orgasmic states ourselves.

There are two exercises, two
techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C. Muscle
exercises and the other is the breath.

These exercises are also beneficial
for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more pleasure for herself
and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle
of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases
sensations of pleasure.

The P.C. muscle extends from the base
of the spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to the front of the body
where it is connected to the pubic bone.

A good way to locate the P.C. or love
muscle for yourself is that next time you are urinating try to stop the flow
of urination in mid stream. This will give you the feeling of activating the
muscle. Then later on in your own private space practice tensing and releasing
the muscle several times so that you get the sense of how to do it you can
know. It is a good idea to incorporate these P.C. Muscle exercises into your
daily routine, associating them with some particular activity you do
independent of your lovemaking sessions. Then these exercises will become
habitual and you won't have to set aside a special time to practice. For
example you can practice while you drive or travel too and from work. No one
will know you are doing it and it can be quite enjoyable. One of our friends
in fact, Helen said she started doing this every day for a month while driving
to work but unfortunately she had to stop because she said the sensations were
getting so strong that she couldn't concentrate at work because she couldn't
think about anything else at work other than sex and she couldn't wait to get
home to her lover.

And once a man has a strong P/C he can
spread the sexual energy up and through his body during lovemaking so he can
experience wave after wave of peak pleasure without coming so that he can make
love for as long as he chooses, maybe even hours!

Another secret is working with your
breath. What most men do as excitement builds up is hold their breath as they
get close to climax. If men are to reverse the flow of sexual energy the best
way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

For women to enhance your own ecstasy
you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You can do this at peaks
of energy to spread the orgasmic energy throughout the body. Another way you
can enhance your pleasure is to mentally trace or visualize the energy running
up the inside of the legs through the calf, the knees and thighs up into the
vagina. This is especially good to do if the mind is wondering off onto other
things while making love; it helps focus the energy.

Some women need to focus it rather
than to spread it and this can amplify the orgasmic response you already have
and is especially good for women who find orgasm elusive. What you do is to
keep squeezing the P.C. Muscles without spreading the energy. To squeeze the
muscles and to feel the charge building up and keep squeezing the P.C. again.
It is important to release and bear down as well; this also acts as a focus.
Playing with these elements of breath, P.C. Muscle, visualization, as well as
movement and sound you can extend your orgasmic potential to one, two, three
or even more orgasms. All women are capable of extending their orgasmic
potential. The woman's Shakti is unlimited. The Shakti is the sexual spiritual
energy of which women are the custodians. As the Shakti awakens so does the
priestess, the healer, the empowerer and the goddess of love within.

A woman's sexual awakening can propel
her on a spiritual path. Men may practice celibacy and achieve spiritual
enlightenment, but according to the Tantric texts women's enlightenment is
facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature.

The next important element is the
heart. A lot of people have coined the term, 'Making love' whenever they have
sex but to me making love is a higher vibration a unique blending of your
sexual passion, the heat of your genitals with the deep love and intimacy you
feel in your heart. Men who are able to feel their love and share their deep
feelings will never have any shortage of women in their lives. The challenge
becomes how much love and deep intimacy both partners can bring into
lovemaking and a great secret for you to know is the way to a woman's
sexuality opening up, the way to her shakti, her sacred place is through the
heart. So how can we bring more intimacy into our lovemaking, more heart
connection?

Well one way to create more intimacy
is through eye contact, we often shut our eyes while making love and go into
our own space which can be really nice of course, but to be more intimate look
at your beloved a lot more while making love. Your eyes are the window to the
soul, look into each other's eyes and tell each other how much you love each
other, how much you enjoy being with them, how precious they are to you and
that's the second thing you can do to create more intimacy. Talk to your
beloved while making love. Tell them what your thoughts are: "I love you.
Your fragrance is like jasmine/musk, you make me feel so good." This is
very powerful to create more intimacy.

Another thing you can incorporate into
your lovemaking for more intimacy is romance. Romance is an important
ingredient to encourage intimacy, an atmosphere of romance is always conducive
to higher lovemaking experiences and women dearly love it. So in creating the
atmosphere see yourself as a great lover and let your creative self step out
of the ordinary and create something out of the ordinary and create something
magical, something extraordinary.

You can include things like creating a
special time where everything else is left looked after, a special time where
you won't be interrupted and a special space for making love. Maybe not even
in the bedroom, maybe going to a different place altogether but make it very
special. Prepare the room and prepare each other, bathe together, towel each
other down. Use things like massage, candle light, incense, special treats to
eat and drink, romance is foreplay to a woman and brings a male in touch with
his softer side.

So as a man if you want more
lovemaking you then learn to be more intimate because the way to a woman's
sacred place, the way to her yoni is through the heart - through intimacy.
Intimacy means In-To-Me-See. Allow yourself to be seen, create more intimacy,
and allow your inner feelings to be expressed.

Women can interpret any lack of
intimacy as coldness and the colder she feels you are in the heart, the colder
she becomes in the yoni. So what happens is she doesn't want to make love she
shuts down her sexuality and that's usually because she's not getting enough
attention, enough intimacy through the day or through the relationship and
because she shuts down her yoni he starts to close down his heart. He shuts
down intimacy. She then further shuts down yoni and it goes on and if it
continues long enough then a couple caught in this cycle may be headed for
separation.

Once you're aware of the fact that she
is coming from the heart and what she wants is intimacy, romance, and she
becomes aware that as she keeps shutting down sex she's never going to get his
intimacy, he can do something about it. Being in touch with your heart and how
much love you can feel is a wonderful aspect of Tantric lovemaking secrets.

Next time you're making love stop in
the middle of your lovemaking, stop the movement and just ask yourself how
much love are you feeling right now and open up your heart and try to feel
more of the intimacy, more of the love that the two of you are generating
between you.

The third aspect of Tantric lovemaking
is Sacred Sex. Tantric lovemaking can be a spiritual practice. In ancient
India lovemaking was seen as a way to god. When I tell some people that we use
lovemaking in our relationship as part of your spiritual practice they are
often shocked. So I ask them what their practices are and they often say
either meditation or prayer. Well both meditation and prayer can be brought
into your lovemaking and it's much more fun that way.

If you love sex and you like mediation
or you would like to incorporate meditation into your life then you will love
this practice.

One practice of tantric lovemaking as
a mediation I to sit opposite your partner, close your eyes, and imagine
energy moving up your spine on the inhalation with the squeezing of the P.C
muscle, and down the spine with the exhalation and releasing of the P.C.

Continue this practice for several
minutes and then open your eyes, co-ordinate your breathing with your partner.
Then start to exchange energy. As you release the energy down your spine
imagine it passing through your genitals to your beloved's sacred parts, then
moving up to their heart centre in the middle of their chest.

On the inhalation contract the P.C
muscle and imagine the energy that is now mixed with your partners coming back
to you through the same way. Practice this also while making love or kissing.
After five or 10 minutes of doing this practice called 'Red Tantra' you often
get a sense of merging into your partner, a sense of expanding consciousness,
of melting into the cosmos.

Eastern religions would call this a
state of samadi or bliss. You may have had experiences like this during
lovemaking but didn't know how it happened or how to experience it again.
Through the practices of 'Red Tantra' you can reach this state at will.

These are only a few techniques of
tantric lovemaking, there are over 2,000 years of tantric lovemaking secrets
and practices that you can explore to expand the already wonderful ways you
make love. Practicing Tantra as a couple can be a journey into love to explore
together brining more love, joy and passion to a relationship. Using Tantra as
a meditation focuses the mind on the present moment connecting the spirit with
the cosmos and the eternal now.

Kerry and Diane Riley have been
teaching Tantra and relationship seminars over the last 15 years in Australia
and Internationally. Their work is practical for modern lovers and was
featured in the video "The Secrets of Sacred Sex." They have a
series of Mp3s and a Home tantra course. Diane also conducts special woman to
woman workshops on shakti, and Kerry runs private consolations for men.