Here there be rants. There will be Freeman stuff, Lawful Rebellion stuff and Random stuff. I am rebelling because I want my country back. My lawful obligations are as follows: “together with the community of the whole realm, distrain and distress us in all possible ways, namely, by seizing our castles, lands, possessions, and in any other way they can, until redress has been obtained as they see fit…”
Article 61 Magna Carta 1215

March 12, 2011

Little Bastards

It's a conspiracy. Nothing else explains it.

Every time I go out looking for them they seem to know I have my camera. When I don't have my camera, they appear in large numbers and sit looking at me, taunting me, from less than three feet away. It just happened again as I scarfed a pizza and a couple of bottles of the local beer. Kadji, it is called, and it is a clean, crisp lager. But I divest.

Anyhoo, I have given up. I am growing obsessive and the hotel staff are giving me funny looks. There may also have been complaints from other guests. Apparently, leaping out of bushes screaming "AHA!" and "GOTCHA!", then falling to one's knees and bursting into tears, is not acceptable behaviour.

In despair, I turned to Mr Google.

This is a picture (of a relative) of the elusive, camera-shy little bastards:

I did get a picture of another type of lizard on my Blackberry but my provider, Vodafone, who have roaming agreements with Orange, cleverly avoid enabling GPRS on my BB. Which means that I do not have normal email facilities which means I cannot email the picture of the lizard to myself which means I cannot show you that I have actually managed to snap one of the little bastards.

I know there is more going on in the world more worthy of a blog entry but right now, the lizards have had consumed my life.

Normally, cameramen risk being eaten by lions or sharks. Few, if any, have ever been arrested or carted off by the men in white coats. Although one or two of them might be a little odd by now. Standing in a swamp for a fortnight waiting for a particular creepy-crawly has got to have some effect on the human mind.

Much as I love the lizard pictures you should avoid being the first to try to explain this in a court room.

"All that most maddens and torments; all that stirs up the lees of things; all truth with malice in it; all that cracks the sinews and cakes the brain; all the subtle demonisms of life and thought; all evil, to crazy Capt Ranty, were visibly personified, and made practically assailable in that lizard..."

I once caught a lizard by the tail while on holiday in Yugoslavia (I was 13) and was left holding the tail while the lizard escaped. I promptly burst into tears because I thought I had killed the lizard but apparently it's normal and is their built in escape mechanism. The tail grows back.

I'm not sure if it was just that particular type of lizard that had a detachable tail but I thought I'd warn you not to try it lol.