‘I couldn’t even walk down street without getting panic attack’

THERE have been a lot of changes since we last chatted to Ellie Goulding.

Back then, she was the girly singer from Herefordshire who picked up the
coveted Critics’ Choice Award at the 2010 Brit Awards.

Ellie has sold 1.6million albums and more than six million tracks worldwide,
including the US triple-platinum single Lights, which has also been an
airplay No1 on Top 40 radio in Canada as well as the US.

It was also at No2 in the Billboard Hot 100 after breaking Billboard records
for the longest ascent to the top end of chart.

Fast forward two and a half years and it’s a very different Ellie that SFTW
meets in a central London hotel.

Dressed in figure-hugging leggings and a vest, the girl-next-door image has
been replaced by that of a vixen and her folk pop music has got more
attitude.

Halcyon, out on Monday and Ellie’s second album, is a real step up, with
back-to-back electro-pop tracks and stylish vocals.

Ellie, 25, says: “I guess I was made out to be like a really good role model.

“Sensible, girly, flowery and blonde — but that wasn’t me.

“I’ve changed the way I look a bit but not intentionally. I’ve cut my hair.
I’ve got a bit of pink in it and lately I’ve become a bit monochrome,
wearing a lot of black and white.

“There’s definitely something switched in me in that I don’t like to wear
bright colours.

“I instinctively dress a bit tougher because I’ve spent a lot of time in the
US and I realised there was a certain image projected of me here.

“I’ve always been an absolute rebel. When I was in my teen years I had
piercings and wore all black.

“I smoked and drank and did what all my mates did around me. I was never a
‘sensible one’.

“And my lyrics have always been dark. It’s just that this time, the music is
more raw around the edges and varies from song to song.”

Lights launched Ellie internationally and, with a huge following in the US,
she was invited to sing for the Obamas at 2011’s national Christmas tree
lighting at the White House.

But that wasn’t the only high-profile event at which she found herself
performing.

In April last year, she performed the biggest gig of her career — at the
wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

She says: “I thought it was a joke. I didn’t think I was ACTUALLY going to
play..

“But I did and it was one of the things that is above everything. It’s such a
special thing to have done.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous but everyone made me feel so
comfortable. They’re perceived as very lovely people and they are.”

But Ellie was struggling. All the jet-setting, shows and attention was
difficult for her to cope with and she started to suffer from crippling
panic attacks that resulted in a trip to A&E.

She says: “There were times when I felt like I was having a heart attack.

“There was too much adrenaline and my heart was pounding. It’s just such a
horrible, horrible thing to go through.

“I hadn’t even released my first proper single when I started to feel the
strain of attention. But I don’t believe that it was the attention that was
giving me panic attacks.

“I think it was everything in my life colliding at the same time.

“It really did get to a serious point where I couldn’t even walk down the
street without getting the pain.

“I’d have a numb arm, a very strange lump in my throat and a really hot chest,
like my heart was on fire.

“I had to take Diazepam but I found it debilitating. I couldn’t do anything so
I had cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) instead and that actually really
worked.

“The other day I was in Germany and it was a really hectic day and I thought,
‘Oh god here we go’ but I laid down, started breathing, closed my eyes and
told people not to talk to me, and then I was fine.”

The panic attacks weren’t Ellie’s only struggle with success. When it came to
starting work on her second album, Ellie found herself lost and started to
suffer from writer’s block.

She says: “I just couldn’t write anything. You pick up loads of baggage with
your first record with reaction to it from fans and critics. So I went to
Ireland by myself for a couple of weeks with my guitar. I read lots of
poetry, I read Patti Smith’s autobiography and started words and phrases and
then songs started to take shape. I didn’t know at the time but now, when I
listen back to all the tracks, I realise it is more cohesive than I ever
thought it was going to be. I think it was because I’d managed to block out
everything else.”

Halcyon is a credible, enthralling record that is louder and darker than her
debut.

Ellie’s powerful vocals and the blend of electronic, orchestral and drumbeat
sounds are going to surprise those who were critical of Ellie first time
round.

Standout tracks are Figure 8, the tribal My Blood, new single Anything Could
Happen and the pounding Only You.

Essentially a break-up album following her split with Radio 1 DJ Greg James
last year after two years together, Halcyon is what Ellie calls a “journey
from dark to light”.

“But my songs are always about things I experience and my ex knows that and my
guy now knows that and even my friends know that — everyone knows that. Greg
and I are still friends. Yes, I was worried about what he’d think about
these songs but he’s heard them and is fine.

“He’s always been a fan of my music, that’s how we met. I don’t think he takes
it too seriously. That period in our lives has passed now. We’ve moved on.
He texted me the other day to say that he really liked Figure 8.”

Could this heavier sound be the influence of Ellie’s new boyfriend, triple
Grammy award-winning dubstep producer Skrillex?

She says: “People ask me that but no. They ask if I’ve copied his hair too but
I had mine first!

“I just met someone, fell in love with them and that’s it. He’s my guy and he
influences me but only in the way that any boyfriend would influence a girl.

“As for me influencing him, I read somewhere that I made him feel more secure.

“That was really nice. I felt a little bit like, ‘Ah’ because he’s never said
that to me.

“I think we’ve just been really good for each other and we motivate each
other. His lifestyle in general is pretty mental. He’s in a different place
every day and at parties, but I’m very happy.”

The pair met after Skrillex (real name Sonny Moore) emailed her asking if they
could work together. Ellie then sang on Summit from his Bangarang EP.

Ellie says: “We also worked together on the soundtrack of Spring Breakers, a
Harmony Korine film starring James Franco. Then there’s another song which I
think is going to be on another film. We’ll see.

“But I read someone comparing our relationship to when Kylie met Michael
Hutchence but it’s not like that — drugs etc.

“It’s absolutely not that. I did all that stuff when I was young.
I’ve always been bright and I’m sensible enough now to not be so easily
influenced by someone.”

Working with producer Jim Eliot (one half of Kish Mauve), Ellie wrote and
co-produced Halcyon.

She says: “I think my voice drives a lot of it. I sing in different ways and
techniques and really honed in on how I wanted my voice to sound.”

Recording the album in a converted barn in the Hay Valley near where she grew
up, Ellie says there was a lot of reminiscing about her childhood, which she
describes as “recreational”.

Anything Could Happen was partly influenced by these memories, while ballad I
Know You Care is about her absent dad who disappeared after he and Ellie’s
mum divorced when she was five.

Ellie says: “When I was talking about him when Lights was released, I was just
on the war path. Now, I try not to let it bother me so much — less
bitterness and anger.

“Now I’ve realised that I’m so fortunate and my life is so incredible, so he’s
not worth thinking about. If he wants to get in touch he can but I don’t
think he will.

“It’s quite a thing to say but I don’t think he’ll ever be a big part of my
life. If he gets back in contact, maybe we could be mates or something.