a blog by wallace winfrey

Enough about the goddamn iPhone already

Seriously; I’ve heard enough cooing and fawning to last me a lifetime. I don’t give two shits about the accelerometer, the iPhone apps store where you can buy a $4,000.00 PNG image of a jewel or an overpriced MIDI controller.
I don’t care that you can watch YouTube on the thing. I don’t care you can switch from portrait to landscape. I don’t care about all the gee-whiz gestures. It’s a fucking phone. Get a hold of yourself. Get back in your goddamn Prius and drive yourself down to Barack’s speech on Thursday and call someone who gives a shit, cause I certainly don’t.
When it’s not $600 to buy that overpriced gadget so one can use it with a non-spying-on-your-shit cell provider, and when it supports UMA so I can make and receive phone calls over my wifi network at home in the mountains, and when it actually has a freaking keyboard, I’ll pay attention. Until then, all your stupid phone says is “hey look, I can spend money!”. It doesn’t say that you’re cool, or awesome, or have good taste. It just says you can spend $200 for the privilege of being ripped off on your monthly data plan for the next 2 years.
Note, if I happen to be fond of you, then please ignore everything I just wrote. I know I have some very good friends and very dear co-workers who bought these things, and for you, “Wow, that thing is SO cool!” Everyone else though, PLEASE SHUT UP. Everyone knows that your stupid iPhone is just a toy while all us people who REALLY want to get shit done with our phone are using Blackberries. Research In Motion FTW, beeyotch!!!!