QUIZ: Is Your Markley Roommate 1,000 Cockroaches in a Trench Coat?

At this point in the semester, you typically think you know your roommate. But, some recent reports at Michigan show that some students in Markley actually have roommates that are just 1,000 cockroaches in a trench coat. It’s a classic cockroach move. So just to be sure, we’ve created this quiz that will help you crack the code before you have an awkward run-in with your assigned friend.

What does your roommate like to wear?

An Ed Hardy t-shirt and flip flops.

A trench coat that he never takes off.

Sweatpants, Timberlands, and a fraternity t-shirt.

Wire-rimmed glasses and a business suit.

Correct!

Wrong!

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What does your roommate do outside of classes?

Run the university.

Attend Rush events and tell people he's in Ross.

Smoke weed.

Scavenge for food between the walls.

Correct!

Wrong!

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What does your roommate look like?

A white boy with vaguely wealthy parents.

Like he needs a shower and sensitivity training.

A giant mass of cockroaches in a trench coat.

A grown man with a beard and a degree from Princeton.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Does your roommate have a significant other?

He is married to an environmental lawyer and has four adult children.

No, but they mate frequently as evidenced by the amount of egg sacs they carry on their abdomen.

No, but they claim to have “fucked mad bitches” in high school.

Maybe? He’s always texting girls and seems to be hooking up with one, but he’s terrified of “being tied down for the best four years of his life” so it’s pretty open ended.

Correct!

Wrong!

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Would your roommate’s species inherit the Earth should a nuclear blast wipe out all of humanity?