Why staying away from FIFA's presidential election means sweet FA...

The popular wisdom is that the
Football Association should simply abstain from the FIFA presidential
election, refusing to choose between Sepp Blatter and Mohamed bin
Hammam. What would be the point of that?

There is a reason ballot papers are
spoiled. It is a stronger message than simply staying home. The end
result might be the same but at least it demonstrates that you were a
potential voter and not simply lazy or apathetic.

Indeed, you had the motivation to go
to the polling booth and be part of the electoral process, despite a
rejection of the available options. In some ways, deliberate ballot
spoilers are the most passionate voters of all.

Were the FA just to abstain it would
mean nothing. The stance would be quickly forgotten or dismissed as sour
grapes over the failed World Cup bid (which it is, to some extent, as
had England secured the 2018 tournament the same FIFA executives now
being denounced as crooks under parliamentary privilege would have been
lauded as allies and friends).

Secret handshake: FIFA members must choose between current imcumbent Sepp Blatter (left) and Mohamed bin Hammam for its presidential election

If the FA abstain, they must do more
than merely gripe wordlessly from football’s equivalent of Eeyore’s
lonely place. At the time of the vote they must produce the equivalent
of a spoiled paper in the form of a detailed statement, explaining
precisely why they have reached this decision and denouncing the
candidates proffered by the governing body.

Sensitive souls may wish to skip the
next two paragraphs, but you will find the echo of this FIFA election in
an episode of the libertarian cartoon South Park,
in which the school is made to vote for a new mascot. As a joke, the
boys submit crude suggestions which end up proving most popular.

The democratic choice must then be
made between a douche and a turd. Look, I did warn you. When one of the
boys refuses to vote for anything so gross and stupid, the process is
explained to him by an older man.

‘But, Stan, don’t you know, it’s
always between a douche and a turd. Nearly every election since the
beginning of time has been between some douche and some turd. They’re
the only people who suck up enough to make it that far in politics.’

This election is most certainly like
that. In one corner is Blatter, presiding over years of FIFA corruption,
surrounded by familiar cronies such as vice-president Jack Warner,
whose hold over the CONCACAF region is arguably football’s most enduring
scandal.

In the other, Bin Hammam, the figure behind the deeply dubious Qatar 2022 bid, now beset by bribery allegations.

This is what must be publicly made
clear by the FA. Why should it choose between these men? Can football
not provide better leaders?

How are this tainted pair the only option? Do we trust the FA to be so bold? Hardly.

Alex Horne, the general secretary —
itself a title that toadies to the Swiss-based governing bodies —
supports Bin Hammam’s idea for a live television debate between the
candidates, as if FIFA executives need any further encouragement to
behave in a presidential fashion.

Meanwhile, David Dein, who could so easily have been FA chairman and has long been regarded as English football’s prime political mover, told a parliamentary Select Committee he would talk about the World Cup bid in private, not public.

Dein is clearly too worried about jeopardising his cosy relationship with those at football’s top table to be seen blowing the whistle. Very brave.

Yet now is not the time for whispers and slimy, off-the-record briefings. We’ve had enough of those already. It is what got us here in the first place. If the FA abstain, nothing should be done quietly. Spoil the ballot paper; then spoil the party. It really is the only honourable thing to do.

FA'S LUCKY ESCAPE

The Football Association got away with it this year, because Manchester United had already as good as won the league against Chelsea. Next season, they might not be so lucky.

If the FA Cup final is overshadowed by a swathe of Premier League fixtures again, there will be nobody else to blame. The governing body must demand fair play from the Premier League, who should switch all matches to Sunday.

If this tiniest concession cannot be secured, there is no point playing nice anymore.

A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR BIG MAN McCARTHY

A certain former Ipswich Town manager aside, there are a great many people really hoping Mick McCarthy steers Wolverhampton Wanderers to safety at home to Blackburn Rovers next week.

And do you know why? He’s a grown-up. Witness his response when asked if he would complain if Manchester United fielded a weakened team against Blackpool on Sunday.

‘I’m not bothered,’ said McCarthy. ‘They slapped Schalke for four in a Champions League semi-final with a weakened team. I don’t know if Manchester United have a weak team, to be honest; 10 changes doesn’t make a weak team.’

McCarthy is talking from bitter experience here, with Wolves having received a suspended fine after making considerable changes for a game at Old Trafford last season.

Give him a hand: Mick McCarthy is refusing to look for excuses

Indeed, he could easily have adopted an attitude of wounded outrage. Many in McCarthy’s position would have attempted to place pressure on United and the Premier League by saying they would be studying the team sheets with interest.

Many would have mined a rich seam of victimhood by wondering whether the big club will be treated as sternly as the small one. McCarthy preferred realism.

‘I can’t do anything about it,’ he said. ‘I’m sure if United could have a fresh team for the Champions League final, a 25 grand fine would be worth it.’

Now imagine — oh, name at random — say Neil Warnock in similar circumstances. You don’t have to. Warnock is still bleating about the weakened teams fielded by Liverpool at Fulham and Manchester United against West Ham United in the season that Sheffield United went down. No mention of the below-strength Sheffield United side he put out in that campaign at Old Trafford.

That is why, while some are already eyeing Warnock’s return to the Premier League as manager of Queens Park Rangers with trepidation, McCarthy will be genuinely missed if Wolves go down.

Inconvenient truth: Ben Foster

KEEPER CRISIS IS NOT A CRISIS

If Ben Foster was top class as a goalkeeper he would still be with Manchester United, not Birmingham City. Rob Green had his big chance when Fabio Capello made him first choice at the 2010 World Cup, but blew it within 45 minutes against the United States.

Paul Robinson was last seen making a daft lunge at Javier Hernandez to hand the title to Manchester United at Ewood Park on Saturday.

All three would be reasonable international understudies but Joe Hart is some way ahead of the field now. If Green follows Foster who followed Robinson in withdrawing from international football it will be an inconvenience for England, but no crisis.

WENGER MANAGEMENT

For the first time, the name of manager Arsene Wenger is on the letter to Arsenal fans announcing details of the most expensive season tickets in the Premier League next season.

Yet still the debate over the size of Wenger’s transfer budget continues. Does Wenger have money but elects not to spend it, or does the cost of the new stadium keep him in relative poverty?

We must hope it is the former, or he really is being played for a fool by the board, fronting up the unpopular decisions while carrying the can for failures.

BLANC CHECKS OUT

An investigation has cleared Laurent Blanc, manager of France, of racism for his contribution to a conversation about the imposition of quotas for black and Arab players in national academies.

Chantal Jouanna, the French sports minister, said Blanc was not organiser or pilot of the meeting. Nor is he employable in England, after this.

RINGHIO OF FIRE

Mediocre hard man Gennaro Gattuso faces a heavy fine for singing an obscene song about Inter Milan coach Leonardo, after AC Milan clinched the title last week.

His explanation? ‘I didn’t start the singing, I just joined the fans for a few chants. Should I apologise for joining in?’ That would be yes.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word: Gennaro Gattuso

WHERE IS DOOR?

The performance of Manchester United goalkeeper Tomasz Kuszczak on Saturday was not so much Manuel Neuer as Manuel from Fawlty Towers. Stupidissimo, as Basil would say.

BANGING A DRUM FOR THE CLUB

As sports films are again in the news, with the release of Fire In Babylon about the great West Indies pace attack of the 1970s, I am

going to take the opportunity to bang the drum once more for a little-known Australian masterpiece called The Club.

Made in 1980 by Bruce Beresford — before he decamped to Hollywood to direct, among others, Driving Miss Daisy — and based on a play by David Williamson, the club in question is an Australian Rules Football team called Collingwood, but don’t let that discourage you.

The Club translates perfectly to any sports organisation you care to name, with its cast of double-crossing directors, wannabe owners, unreliable players and salt-of-the-earth loyalists. It is a work of fiction that these days would be made in that cod-reality TV show style that has become such a cliche.

Beautifully acted, well-written and a lot nearer the truth than many imagine, there is still the odd DVD copy knocking about on Amazon, or petition the BBC to show it again, perhaps in a series of great sports films, because it is not as if that list would take up too much of the schedule.

DON'T TAR MARIO WITH ROONEY BRUSH

And, before the fuss starts, a foolish slip of the tongue on camera and a deliberately aimed stream of bug-eyed invective are not the same thing at all.

If the Football Association charge Mario Balotelli simply to appease Manchester United over Wayne Rooney’s ban, they will have surrendered all logic.

Close run thing: Kostas Kenteris (top) pips Darren Campbell to gold in Sydney

CAMPBELL'S GOLDEN CHANCE

The law caught up with cheating Greek sprinters Kostas Kenteris and Katerina Thanou last week: sort of.

A court in Athens found the athletes guilty of making false statements about a motorcycle accident, faked to avoid a drugs test in the build-up to the 2004 Olympics. It was the third test they had missed.

Kenteris and Thanou could have gone to prison for four years but instead received suspended sentences of 31 months. Quite where the IOC are in all this, heaven knows.

Thanou won the silver medal in the 100 metres at the Sydney Olympics in 2000, but although gold medallist Marion Jones was subsequently stripped of her title for admitting use of performance-enhancing drugs, the second-placed runner has never been promoted because her success is considered equally contaminated.

Kenteris, meanwhile, won gold in the 200 metres in Sydney with Darren Campbell of Great Britain second.

Should the British Olympic Association not use London 2012 as an opportunity to lobby for Campbell to be given his rightful place in the record books; and what better place for the medal ceremony than our own Olympic Stadium?

REF JUSTICE

So he was being complimentary. That was, apparently, Sir Alex Ferguson’s motivation for talking about referee Howard Webb before Manchester United’s game with Chelsea on May 8. Fair enough.

So what of his earlier comment that Chelsea were getting all the favourable decisions and Manchester United were being stiffed, particularly in major games?

Where did that fit in? Ferguson didn’t know Webb would take charge of the title decider at the time, but he knew someone would, and he wanted the pressure on the match official all week.

He knew exactly what he was doing, and the Football Association recognised this.

That is why he has been charged under rule E3 and why he should be warned that if he tries that trick again there will be dire consequences.

Webb had a good game at Old Trafford, because he is a good referee; a fact we can see without any further pre-match pointers from the United manager.

EL NINO'S ALRIGHT

It may be one of his final statements as manager of Chelsea, but Carlo Ancelotti is right about Fernando Torres coming good next season.

It is inconceivable that a potent player of his calibre could have faded forever, and at such dramatic speed. Do not forget some were thinking the same of Wayne Rooney a few months ago.

If properly rested and injury free through pre-season, there is every chance Torres will rediscover his spark next year.

He has considerable work to do to justify that £50million transfer fee, but do not write him off.