Quinoa-crusted Chicken Fingers

Is there anything worse than going over to your friends to watch the game and all they have for ‘healthy snacks’ is that lame ass platter of carrots and fucking celery.
It’s like, really?

What she did have though was everything I needed to make this quick gameday snack and having already made it a couple weeks ago, it was super easy to redo.While the chicken strips were baking, we ended up watching something on her kitchen TV.

One of the sickest stories ever and we’re like, dude this has to be a fucking movie.

It was this fucking show, this like, documentary about serial killers, so of course we’re gonna watch it right?

———————————————————————————————————————————–DISCLAIMER: For the life of me I cannot remember the name of this show.
I made the mistake of not saying this ahead of time and I think I lost some followers because of it.
———————————————————————————————————————————–

So we’re watching this thing about this serial killer yet the whole time they’re talking about this drug dealer kid.
But they keep cutting to this serial killer guy.
And we’re like how the fuck does this come together!?

They’re showing the drug dealer who’s now older and not in jail, so of course we’re like well what the fuck happened.

So basically what happened with this kid right, he played football.

And he was so good at it they actually called him The Assassin.Because every football game he played in high school, he like took someone out.And just movie star good looks right?

He was the star of the football team and the way they’re interviewing this guy, there walking around his high school and their like, “So you were uhh, you were basically a legend here.”
And he was like, “Yeah I was. They retired my jersey, they have pictures of me on the wall…”

And of course all the women loved him.

But his biggest Achilles heel was that he didn’t have a lot of money and he wanted to keep up with the rich kids.

So he started dealing drugs and he ended up being really good at it.
By the time he was like 20 years old, this fucking guy was making like a million dollars a year.
Fucking crushing it right?

He’s got a fake wall in his walk-in closet where he keeps all the money and a safe full of more drugs.
He’s throwing all these crazy parties…it almost seemed like this American Greed type story as opposed to a serial killer show, like the show was all about him.

But they kept going back to this serial killer fucking piece of shit who’s killing all these teenage girls.

So long story short he’s laying in bed one night and he’s thinking, I got to get out of this life, I got to get out of this life. I’m so sick of looking over my shoulder, how my gonna get out of this?But he’s addicted to the money, he’s addicted to the life and all that type of stuff.

And he hears a rattling on the door and I’m watching it thinking oh fuck, it’s the serial killer and he obviously fought the guy and won – so what the hell happened?

All of a sudden the door fucking blasts open and the ATF and the DEA burst in.

They come flying in his room with AK47s and shit and haul him off to jail.
Just like that, the whole thing was over.

He disgraced his family name and I’m guessing….they never said it but they probably took his pictures off the wall in the High School.
The trophies, all that shit.So it’s over right?

So he’s sitting in jail and they try to get him to flip.
Like this is just some fucking kid from the suburbs so I’m thinking well he’s obviously out if he’s on this show, this documentary.
So he must have ratted somebody out.

But he never did.

He was like I’m not telling on anybody.

So they’re like alright well fuck you, you’re not going to help us out, we’re going to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.

They gave him 10 years.I know, I know…

The guy gets 10 years and they’ve got him in a minimum security prison because he was not really considered a threat.
He was just getting people addicted to drugs, no biggie right?

So he goes to jail and meanwhile the serial killer is out there and he’s still killing all these girls.
And I’m like, what the fuck is going on here?!

They kept going to commercial and my friend and I are looking at each other like we don’t know what to make of this show.
Like how the fuck are they going to tie this fucking thing together??

Long story short, they end up catching the serial killer guy.I forget how he fucked up but they ended up catching him.

But he had this thing where he wouldn’t admit to all the killings and if you came at him too hard he was just clam up and wouldn’t say shit.
So he ends going to jail for like one or two murders, sentenced for life, this guy is never getting out.

Meanwhile there’s all these parents whose daughters were killed by this guy and they just want closure.
They just want to know where the bodies are so they can bury their daughters and get some damn closure.These parents are just tortured by this fucking thing right?

So they’re trying to figure out… because he won’t talk to them or anything, they’re trying to figure out how to get this guy to tell them where the bodies are at.

Because he’s also in denial.

He keeps going “…actually I didn’t kill anyone, blah blah blah or maybe I did I must have blacked out I don’t remember a fucking thing.”
The guy was just a creepy goddamn mess right?

So they end of coming up with this idea that they need a charismatic person to talk to this guy.
To befriend the serial killer.Gain his trust and then maybe he’ll reveal where the bodies are and all that shit.

So they go to this kid, Captain America.The football guy who fucked up his whole life up because he got involved in drugs.

And they approached him and asked him to go from his minimum security prison to this maximum security prison where there’s murderers, rapists…just fucking maniacs.

And they said if you get this information for us we’ll erase the rest of your sentence.
We’ll set you free.He’d been there for like 3-4 years so far.

Meanwhile Captain America’s dad had a series of strokes in those 3 years.
He wasn’t doing so well and you know, was basically going to die.
So of course he wanted to go see him before that happened.

This shit was like a movie, I’m telling you!

So he says I’ll do it but I want it in writing that you’ll erase my sentence and let me go.

So they say alright but here’s the deal; “We don’t want you making contact with this guy when you get in there for at least 6 months.”
They continued, “…because he’s very cagey and if you come at him the wrong way, he just fucking walls himself up and that’s it, alright?”

So this kid goes in there but he’s like I don’t have 6 months, my dad may die any day now.

So within the first 2 hours he’s in there, he finds this serial killer guy and he sort of on purpose, accidentally bumps into him.

And he immediately apologizes.
He goes, “I’m sorry about that buddy, I didn’t see you standing there. I’m new here, do you know where the library is?”

The guy tells him and he says thanks man.
Then he said something to the effect of, “you’re a good guy” and he give him a little slap on the shoulder.

But they set it up where his cell is right across the hall from the other guy.
And so when Captain America runs into the serial killer again, he says to him, “Hey man, where are you staying?”

He tells him and he goes, “Oh that’s crazy! We’re right across from each other! Imagine me being with a good guy like you…” and blah blah blah blah blah.

So then one day the serial killer guy goes, “Hey you want to get lunch with me me and my friends?”

At this point, me and my girlfriend are laughing our balls off going this kind of social commentary happens in jail too?Like hey, me and my friends, some of the other serial killers and murderers, we’re going to go grab lunch, maybe grab a frappe or something, you want to join us?
You always think its people getting shanked and try not to get raped right?

Anyway, so he goes, “Yeah sure.”

Long story short – I know I keep saying this, I’m almost done I promise.
So he gains this guys fucking confidence.

One time he actually invites the football guy into his cell and he sees this map with these like red dots all over itThe guy starts opening up to him, telling him these stories of all the women he’s murdered.
He sort of kind of gave him enough information about where the bodies were buried.

But Captain America kind of fucked up.
Because he thought he had enough information to find all the bodies and get himself out of prison.

Oh wait I forgot the best part!!!!

Another way to gain his trust, this is like a Tarantino movie where I’m jumping all over the goddamn place.

Another way he gained this guys confidence was one day they were sitting in the TV room watching TV.
He’s sitting next to the guy and this big fucking giant of a man just gets up and turns the channel.
Without talking to anybody.

And as he turns the channel, the serial killer guy, who’s this like this meek little guy, he kinda said under his breath, “Hey, I was watching that.”
To like nobody.
He just said it kinda powerlessly.

But the Captain America dude immediately stands up, walks up to the big guy and knocks him out.
Just beat the guys ass.

Hit him with an uppercut, forearm shiver, just sent this guy flying through chairs.

And when he came out of the hole (tell me this doesn’t sound like a fucking movie, I almost don’t believe it myself), when he got out of the hole, that’s when he got the guys confidence and he started to open up about all these girls he killed.

And the second he tells him, Captain America flipped.

He just couldn’t hold it in anymore.He was like dude your a sick fucking piece of shit, I know what you did, blah blah blah – just flipped out on him.

And the guy backs up, the serial killer sorta backs up and he goes, “Who sent you?”
He goes, so and so sent you right? And he names the prosecutor.

And after that, the serial killer guy just goes into isolation.

He kinda disappears. And so does the map.

So they don’t get the map and now they’re back to trying to figure out how to find the rest of the bodies.
But Captain America got him to admit to murdering these other girls so we know that they’re at least dead and all.

Basically he did enough where he was still able to get out under the original agreement even though it wasn’t really the happy ending we were expecting.

But dude, when I say this documentary was absolutely riveting.…like I guarantee they’re going to make this a movie.

But if they make it a movie, they’re probably not going to show the guy flipping out at the end.
They’ll probably do it so that they find the map and the bodies.Because that’s Hollywood right?
Everyone likes a happy ending.

Speaking of which, we were so wrapped up in watching this show that we almost forgot about the chicken fingers in the oven.
Saved them just in the knick of time and they were soooo damn good!

Quinoa-crusted Chicken Fingers

What I Used

What I Did

Pre-heat the oven to 400F.
Line a baking tray with parchment paper and spray lightly with cooking oil.

Cook the quinoa, then set it aside to cool a bit while you prep the chicken.

Rinse and pat-dry the chicken breasts.
Then cut them into thick, horizontal strips and season lightly with salt & pepper.

Beat the eggs in a bowl and set aside.
When the quinoa is cool enough to handle, mix in the panko breadcrumbs and a little more salt & pepper.

Dip the chicken strips in the eggs then into the quinoa mixture.Do your best to coat the entire strip but don’t freak out if you can’t coat every square inch.Place the coated strips onto the baking tray, keeping them spaced apart and place in the oven.

Bake for 20 mins or until the quinoa is nice and golden brown.

Serve with the honey mustard.
And I apologize for the way the story came out, without any real paragraph breaks so the words were kinda running into each other.

There’s like some kind of bug in the WordPress algorithm where it looks good when I’m in draft mode but in preview mode it’s all squished together.

I’ll hit up the WordPress hotline later today and figure this shit out.

I honestly don’t even know how to cope with this post. Like, I was sucked in because of the chicken fingers, but I found myself reading as fast as I could to find out what this damn documentary was called and how it all ended! But… but……. you didn’t even TELL US!??!?!?!?!? LIKE WHAT IS THIS DOCUMENTARY CALLED??? I can’t even freaking deal with this right now!

Holy crap! I seriously thought you were going to say in the end that this was a movie, I can’t believe this was a documentary. Someone seriously needs to make this into a movie. I would watch it for sure. By the way, what was the name of the documentary?

Ha. Cake. I had to read the end because I am one of those people who HAVE to know what happens at the end. The husband isn’t however, he can watch a whole movie then go to bed five minutes before the crucial ending. I mean…really??!! Anyhoo, I was more than satisfied with the ending and wish I had a few of these to munch on right now. Even though it is 9.15pm and I am in bed. A plate of these would be grand.

Really!?! Your husband is goooooooood. I can’t do that. I’m like you, I have to make it to the end, no matter how slow it gets.
And that bedtime feeling you’re talking about? That’s what it’s like when I read your blog. Any time of the day.

As I was reading this story all I could think was, MeeeeEENNNN, I could really do with snacking on those chicken fingers…juicy story needs juicy food helllooooOOOOO! And dont get me started on Killer Ish on Tv in Nigeria, somehow I kinda get addicted to Wives with Knives, Killer Kids, Who the hell did i marry….I mean who conjures up these titles!!!! x

Best post I’ve come across in a while! I seriously though you were my girls sitting in the kitchen being distracted by some insane show! haha hilarious voice in your stories, I LOVE it!
But on another note, this recipe looks great, definitely going to give it a try.

Also, I’m obsessed with serial killer documentaries! Literally obsessed. There’s one about this British gay guy who would pick up one night stands every weekend and kill them for company for the week and it just blew my mind