Search Engine Terms: Post not suitable for children or work!

And apparently my blog isn’t either, what with some of these crazy search terms which directed people to this here blog. Seriously you guys, what does this say about me? And my character? I feel like my dignity is just sinking by the second, so please don’t let this tarnish your image of ME. I did not type these words ever, I simply am on the receiving end of someone typing them into a search engine, presumably Google (what else do people use these days?), and winding up at tristadawn.wordpress.com. So strange. So bizarre. So… disturbing. But yet… so entertaining, SO SO SO SO.

And so I present to you my dear dear readers, some of you who may have searched something nasty to get here, and some of you who are lovely friends, pretty wicked family, or just random Internet drones, a lovely compiled list of

How To Find My Blog: The Nasty Edition

maxi pad on my pussy – This was the newest one! I’m guessing because of the post yesterday, but still, c’mon now, so funny. I am wondering what the intentions were here? I mean, I always wonder what the intentions are, but this one just leaves me baffled…

realnipples [dot] com (searched 3 times!) – It may come as a shocker, but I have zero affiliation with this site or any pornographic/sexually-explicit site on the Interweb. Shocking, I know.

going pooping and a boys girl (searched 2 times!) – Looking at the list of Search Engine Terms, I totally realized that I must talk about poop a LOT. Seriously. This is not something to be proud of. Or is it?

falling asleep with barbie – Aww. I’m guessing a parent is concerned about this? I don’t really think this is a biggie, but what do I know? The closest I can think to anything I’ve posted that would come up as this in a search engine would be:

pictures and photos of nude girls peeing in the showers (whole body showing) – Ok, I don’t even want to go there. However, I do realize that by re-typing this out, my search results are probably going to get even WORSE. Aiy. Might have to do a part II. The worst part about this is, I know people Google weird, nasty stuff, and THIS probably isn’t even the half of it. Guh.

pictures of nurse holding a syringe – My only guess is that someone is trying to do some Cognitive Behavioural work and get over their fear of needles. If that’s the case, I commend you for taking your healing on.

insane crazy stupid people – Yup, pretty much sums it up. No no, you’re not stupid, I love y’all. Are some people stupid? Yes, yes of course.

girl letting dog sex vagina – And there is where they start to get even weirder. Thankfully, my blog only came up once via these search terms, and unfortunately, I’m willing to be Google has seen it’s fair share of these types of searches. Different strokes for different folks? Ugh.

grandmothers that are dumb – Hahaha. This one is just funny. Mom, I promise, I have not written anything that would lead someone here with those search terms. For real. Don’t go combing through everything, because I can guarantee you won’t find anything. <3 xo.

suck my milk tube – I guess everyone can have different nicknames for their special parts, right? Milk tube, eh. Hmm. HMM. I just… can’t see the sexy in this? I can’t.

“granny panties” – Even in quotations. I get it. We’re going for comfort over class. I get it, I do.

,bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark – This is one of my favourites! It’s just SO weird, SO weird. And so funny. I can’t imagine what they were trying to stumble on?

two separate ones but very similar – leggins poop and leggins child – What? Did your child poop in their leggings and you’re attempting to figure out the most convenient and practical way to take care of business? Again, I don’t get it.

There’s also been a TON of search engine terms that have led people here that are merely people looking for support or information. A LOT to do with breastfeeding and a fair amount having to do with being induced, which totally leads me to go want to do posts on these. I mean, I have before, but in a more concise fashion. I don’t think I’ve talked a lot about induction, and well, we all know birth and all things birth is a bit of a passion of mine (that would be an understatement) so I mean it’s only fitting that I write about it. I need to get my crap together and go for the gold and just DO. IT. For now though, enjoy the nasty, and expect a “cute” version of the same.