Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Funniest Things, Facts, and Jokes of Chuck Norris

In 7 minutes ago, I just was surfing and found something funniest things about Chuck Norris . and here I just want to share about the facts, jokes, and cool stuffs from a unique person, Chuck.Norris , Okay, Let's relax and take a coffee break with Chuck Norris's Jokes

Chuck Norris's Facts!

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Chuck Norris uses redhot lava to moisturize his skin.

Chuck Norris invented the apple.

Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.

Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it’s just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!

Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What’s that? You say there’s no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn’t think so either.

Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

“One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, ‘I’m Chuck Norris! SAY IT!’ Then he manipulates the deer’s lips in such a way as to make it say, ‘ChuckNorris’ … It wasn’t exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!’”

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris…Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT’s, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

When somebody yells “Last one in is a rotten egg,” Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.

Chuck Norris invented the question mark.

Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.

Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.

Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris’ beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.

The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!

Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those “some people” are now dead.