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Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012) Review

“Jesus probably had a big penis.”

For those who managed to carelessly wade into “Bloody Bloody Bible Camp” without any knowledge of the film, the creators have been kind enough to leave an early warning sign – the tide will come up to yay high. If the above line – which is the first line of dialog in the film – offends, then this film is not for you. Following a discussion of how, given Jesus was well endowed, it was only logical that he would condone sleeping with dudes who are also so blessed, we get this choice line: “So I saw Star Wars. Sucked. Gonna bomb.”

Clearly, comedy comes first in “Bloody Bloody Bible Camp,” and it’s comedy of the puerile, toilet variety more often than not. Which I’m totally down with – “Bloody Bloody Bible Camp” is an often-hilarious mashup of Friday the 13th and a teen sex comedy.

If you’ve seen a camp slasher, you know the setup – flashback to a scene of terror where our killer first struck, then cut to some years on and we’re hitched up to a poorly thought out sojourn to the site of the original slaughter. In the case of “Blood Bloody Bible Camp,” it’s Father Cummings (Reggie Bannister) leading his flock of horny teenagers for a week of bible learnings out amongst the pines. It’s not long before Sister Mary Chopper comes a-calling, and the heads start to roll.

The jokes are strong and flow freely, the level of camp is high, and blood bursts from every vein – this film aims high on its tiny budget, and it nearly gets there. There’s a few scenes where the audio quality goes haywire, some of the acting is a little suspect, and I wasn’t sure why Father Cummings buddy’s wig was so poor – maybe it was all part of the joke. For the most part, though, more jokes stick than those that fall flat, the cast gives its all, Sister Mary Chopper has a cool mask, and the kills are pretty great. It can also look quite good, with some nicely shot candle-lit scenes of Sister Mary acting freaky to remind us she’s about to unleash heavenly fury upon our sex-starved campers.

If you like your films campy, the cheese thick, the jokes lowbrow, and the deaths over the top, check out “Bloody Bloody Bible Camp.” In fact, order it on VHS – yes, it is actually available on VHS – roll out a sleeping bag in front of the TV and pretend like it’s 1980 all over again.