Living, Laughing, Loving, Loathing.

I am an adult now and still I cannot tell.

Today’s daily prompt challenge is,Tell us about a thing you’ll never write about.
What a challenge!
Is it possible?
How can you write about something,
that you refuse to write about?

Then it hits me like a brick.
Oh my God!
This is what I have been doing for twenty years.

Deep inside I have memories.
They bubble some days just below the surface.
I keep an eye on them,
ensuring they never spill over.

Sometimes it is a smell that comes my way,
as I pass a well groomed man,
or a glimpse of someone who reminds me of
the one I work so hard to forget.
Perhaps it is a friend who harmlessly hugs me,
or someone standing too close to my daughter.
All quiet reminders of what I will not write about.

Night time does not always bring relief,
as it is in sleep sometimes I cannot escape.
The memories relived as if in current time.
Real, loud and physical.
Causing me to wake up as upset as I once was.
And yet I rarely tell.

Those who live with me know what happened,
but they do not really know.
I have never told them anything.
No details, no account.
And they have been good enough to never ask.
Perhaps they sometimes wonder, I cannot be sure.
But I know I can never tell a soul what really happened,
Nor can I ever write about it.

I am well adjusted to my past now thank goodness. I did find this post hard to do, but as it says I can talk about it without really talking about it! I suppose I prefer people not to know because to some it might define me as a person and I would hate that to be the case. I am happy and well and lucky to have recovered so well. Thanks for commenting. Much appreciated as always.

Thanks for sharing this, done beautifully. I am still stunned by how many women tell me in confidence, in the safety of my office, of similar experiences…how many women (and men) live with these painful memories. I believe that sharing of it, as you’ve done here, helps others know they are not alone and creates some salve for the wounds.

Yes we are not alone. The actual figures are that 1 in every 4 children will be subject to some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18 and very few ever tell. 90% are assaulted by someone they know! Thank you again.

I think I do this too. I could have gone in a much different direction with my blog.
I have found it isn’t necessary to recount details ..but it is important to be with the hurting parts..to comfort, etc. Just to acknowledge like you have.
Blessings-
Laurie
I keep my eyes on people I don’t trust when around my daughter.

Yes I did not want to write this but I felt I should. I am still a bit odd about it all. I don’t care about people knowing but I hate the thought that people would see me as damaged or would feel pity for me. That is why I write my blog as I am in everyday life. Alive and kicking. You do a great job on your blog.

Yer think bit that got me most is when you mention how you are with your daughter. I’m same with my sons. And as trained counsellor should be better with this stuff but I tend to be ok when counselling but was not prepared tonight but good to remind yourself that only human and can have pain to. Hope you did ok writing it as that’s very brave

Thank you. I found this a difficult post to publish. I am good actually as I have worked through most of my pain, sadness and loss of childhood. I try very hard not to over react to innocent attention around my children but it takes effort sometimes. I think most people who know me would never guess how much I struggle. I wish you strength as you go on your own journey.