Losing Myself

Since childhood, I have never much cared for introspections as they have never come across my priority list. When my mind would race against the conflicting thoughts, I would cower behind my tears too afraid to face the truth.

Something strange was building itself up inside me, and was gaining strength out of my weakness yet the uncertainty and the immaturity of the situation made me stay still remain rooted to my position, craving for all the real-world things that took the reality away from my eyes.

It is time for winters once again. The season of deafening silence that renders you helpless at times and sometimes like a harsh reality would sting your skin until the pain, anger and the conflicts flows out of your veins. But behind all this there is a subtle beauty that escapes our eyes amidst all our sufferings.

The feeling of emptiness, which was once not so strong, has grown out of ignorance until there was no escape. Now, it was time for me to get lost in it. The silence within a silence. But this time, it was not deafening rather so much palpable that some days I could feel that, if I extend my hand a little further, I would reach out to the silence that was protecting me from the nature’s discrepancies. And then in that moment of enlightenment I would feel the pain and sorrows of my past coming back to surface——not to hurt me by their presence rather to bless me by their occurrence.

I close my eyes once again and find myself in the labyrinth of time, unaware of the situations ahead. Yet I knew that it was the darkness inside me that would help me sail through the nightmares and keep me afloat over all my fears. And on some days I could imagine that gigantic waves of fears crashing against the darkness disappearing into the emptiness, yet protecting me over and over again.