Harsh: For These Naughty Priests, Grindr Now Forbidden At The Dinner Table

As we reported earlier this month, St. Patrick’s College in Maynooth, Ireland — which has been around since roughly the advent of fire — has become such a sexually-charged environment that even the archbishop of Dublin is loath to send students there, so wary is he of all the frantic Grindr usage that’s been taking place on the premises left and right, and right under all of our noses.

Now, higher-ups at the scandal-besotted school are taking matters into their own hands, implementing a far stricter regime that includes, but is not limited to, not using Grindr at the dinner table, which is against the teachings of Jesus and also just plain rude.

Effective immediately, priests-in-training can no longer scurrilously eat their supper in a sorrowful cubby of their choosing, but must instead enjoy their evening-porridge right there in the college, supervised by hawk-eyed senior staff, who, from now on, will make sure nothing more subversive than seconds takes place at their table.

Also effective immediately, evening rosary attendance is now mandatory for all of these wayward priests — no ands, ifs, or buts. This is a last-ditch attempt at effectively boring homosexuality out of these naughty trainees.

Also announced this week: there will be an in-depth review of “appropriate use of the internet and social media,” since college trustees are deeply concerned about an “unhealthy atmosphere created by anonymous accusations.”

As Pink News reports, higher-ups are deeply concerned about “some social media comments which can be speculative or even malicious” in regards to their trainee priests.

A few weeks back, Dr. Diarmuid Martin, the superiorly named Archbishop of Dublin, stated he has every intention of boycotting St. Patrick’s College in light of rumors that homosexual acts were running rampant through students and staff, including compulsive use of Grindr and other hookup apps.

Dr. Martin insists the “poisonous” atmosphere at St. Patrick’s has forced him to transfer several students to the Irish College in Rome, despite the fact that the architecture and men are distractingly beautiful there.

Anonymous allegations accused priests of all kinds of wanton frivolity: getting sexy with one another, raking in Grindr messages, and other interesting activities not befitting of a priest.

Dr. Martin, not done speaking, said that Grindr use “would be inappropriate for seminarians, not just because they are trained to be celibate priests, but because an app like that is something which would be fostering promiscuous sexuality.”