Posts Tagged ‘Trust’

Whatever your goals are, I’m going to advise that you should do whatever it takes. However, this does not include doing things that are against the law or against your principles. Sometimes it appears that the only way to get ahead in life is to lie, cheat, steal and step on others. People who are willing to push aside ethics may have an advantage in terms of material success, but anyone who breaks the rules will ultimately be a failure regardless of how much money, power or luxury items they have.

We all know this is true. We’ve all seen examples of people who appear to have it all but yet we instinctively know them for the loser that they are. No amount of bling can cover a dark heart.

Throughout my life, I’ve been at a number of crossroads where I was given a choice between doing something I know is wrong to get a little further ahead or doing the right thing and deal with a setback. I always chose to do what I believe was the right thing. I don’t agonize over it and I don’t look back and regret it. They way I see it is that I don’t have a choice. I do what’s right no matter what the stakes are.

I’ve been accused of being self-righteous when I suggest that we always do the right thing. It’s not about “righteousness” – it’s about being able to appreciate and enjoy everything you’ve earned. If you don’t earn it the right way, you will always wonder if you could have achieved it without violating your principles.

Self doubt can be extremely difficult to deal with. We need every bit of evidence we can get to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of success. Every time you cheat your principles you are building a case against your self worth. You are providing evidence that you are a fake. On the other hand, if you take the high road and refuse to compromise on your principles, you can be proud of everything you have an earn.

I struggled for years with my principle based lifestyle. Some days, I would feel like a schmuck who was passing up on an opportunity while others did whatever they wanted to get ahead. Now that I’m older, I can look back and know I made the right choice. I appreciate all that I have and I’m proud of what I accomplished. I can raise my kids knowing that I am a worthwhile father. People who know me, respect and trust me.

Trust, respect and love are the greatest things in life. You only grow those aspect of your life by living within your principles. It take years to build trust and respect but you can lose all of it in a single day. Once you do something to violate that trust, people will question everything you’ve ever accomplished.

Trust is a commodity. It is the currency of any healthy community or relationship. If you cannot gain the trust of others you will not be able to establish a relationship. Marriages without trust ultimately fail. Employees who are not trusted will not succeed. Recently we’ve seen banks suffer a consumer trust crisis. The United States lost its triple-A rating due to lack of trust that its government can make decisions for the common good.

Below are some helpful ideas to gain the trust of others:

1. Don’t lie. This can be difficult to follow. Some would argue that it is okay to lie for the right reasons, but in almost all healthy relationships lying can be avoided. If you feel the urge to lie to spare someone’s feeling just remember the saying: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”. Once you get caught in a lie, trust is damaged even if the intent was good. Even if you don’t get caught others may still sense that you are lying and that can still damage trust.

2. Don’t make negative comments about another person – ever. To clarify this is not referring to constructive criticism. Constructive criticism by its nature are actually positive. Most likely you already know what kind of negative comments we are talking about. It is those comments whispered during office gossip or even telling someone to their face that they produce shoddy work. If you have an issue with another person you can have a conversation about the type of behavior you prefer. For example “Jen, thank you for the report I appreciate the effort but I was expecting more detail in section A. Why don’t we review it and talk about what we can do to improve it.”

3. Consider the feelings and needs of others. Whenever you are about to commit to a significant decision or action you need to consider its impact on others. If you are married you should discuss any major purchases with your spouse. If you are manager before you commit to having your team work over the weekend you should communicate with your employees and gauge its impact on their personal lives and commitments. If other people believe that you value them they will believe in you.

4. Keep your promises and don’t make promises you can’t keep. This is much easier to follow if you just avoid using the words “I promise”. However, occasionally we need to make promises to get others to commit to a decision, “If you get this project done by June, I promise to host a golf outing in July.”. If you are cornered to make a promise you are not 100% sure you can keep you need to be clear that you are not committing to a promise. “I will try my best but I just can’t make any promises when there are external factors I can’t control.”

5. Take responsibility for your mistakes. As soon as you are aware that you made a mistake that will have a negative impact on others you need to let them know and apologize. People are much more perceptive than we believe and they can usually sense when someone is attempting to shift blame. They may still get upset and angry but after things cool off they will appreciate your honesty. “Honey, I was talking on the cellphone and backed the car into a tree. I’m sorry.” is much better than “I have no idea how that dent got there but that tree over there always hated me.”.

Trust is earned over time. If you betray someone’s trust it can take twice as long to restore it as it did to gain it in the first place. Deceptive people are never as clever as they think they are and will eventually be found out. If you want to gain the the trust of others you have to be worthy of that trust.