Before he became Colorado’s securities commissioner, before he
became executive director of the North American Securities
Administrators Association, before he became a high-powered lawyer
with Rothgerber Johnson and; Lyons in Denver, Phil Feigin was a folk
singer.

After 28 years of regulating and lawyering, Feigin has finally
released a CD. It’s called “A Pain in the A$$ets: A Musical
History of Financial Fraud.”

Feigin – who tooled around Madison, Wis., in the 1970s as a singer
and actor – said his father wouldn’t pay for acting school so he
went to law school instead.

But he never abandoned his music.

Feigin, 56, has been writing and performing parody songs since
1985. He’s been an annual sensation at the NASAA, a Washington,
D.C.-based organization for state securities regulators. And he
says he’s available for conventions, weddings and bar mitzvahs,
too. He can be reached at apainintheassets@msn.com.

On his CD, the singing securities lawyer skewers CEOs, accountants,
analysts and brokers from three decades.

Remember the scams of the 1980s? No matter. History repeats itself.
Sung to the tune of “Feelings,” Feigin originally intended this
verse for rogue trader Ivan Boesky, then developer Bill Walters
from the Silverado S&L debacle, and now Tyco’s Dennis Kozlowski :
“Stealing, nothing more than stealing; shareholder investments;
Oh, they’ll never know.”

In Feigin’s hands:

Neil Sedaka’s “Breakin’ Up Is Hard to Do” becomes “Companies Are
Hard to Sue.”

Carole King’s “It’s Too Late” becomes an ode to the late-trading
scandals at mutual funds. And Merle Travis’ “Sixteen Tons” goes:
“You sell 15 funds and what do you get? Another subpoena, and
they’re not done yet.”

“If I Were A Rich Man,” from “Fiddler on the Roof,” becomes
“If I Managed Enron.”

And who could resist Martha Stewart? This one he sings to a Frank
Sinatra tune: “That’s Why This Lady Is a Scam.”

Feigin’s heyday as a securities commissioner came as he pursued the
notorious penny-stock king Meyer Blinder in the late ’80s and early
’90s. Blinder died in 2004. This song Feigin sings to the tune of
“Fire and Rain” by James Taylor:

“Just yesterday morning, they let me know you were gone.

“Seems like the game you played put an end to you.

“I woke up this morning, and I wrote down this song.

“Don’t know which federal court I should send it to.

“Oh, I’ve seen Meyer, and I’ve seen pain.

“I’ve seen 10 appeals that I thought would never end.

“Ain’t an honest soul left that you did not offend.

“But I always thought that I’d sue you again.”

Feigin also sings to the ditty “YMCA” by the Village People:

“Young man, there’s no need to disclose; I said, young man, we
don’t have to count those. … Just need to leave it to my CPA.”

And here’s my favorite, sung to the tune of “American Pie” by Don
McLean:

“A long, long time ago, I can still remember how my statements
used to make me smile.

“And I thought this would be my chance; for a villa in the south
of France;

“A trip to Paris for the latest style.

“But March and April made me shiver; with every margin call
delivered.

“Bad news on the Nasdaq;

“I couldn’t get my cash back.

“They told me I should let it ride;

“So I held and held into the slide.

“Then something gripped me deep inside, the day the market died.

(Refrain:) “Oh, why, why did the analysts lie? Drove the prices
through the roof, and then they told us to buy.

“Them good ol’ boys were takin’ cash on the sly, sayin’ this’ll be
the stock you should buy.”