Just some of my musings on life, the faces of the graces and the fickle finger of the fates...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The bell blues

I have been feeling kind of blue lately. Perhaps it is the post-wedding "back to reality" phase. The Hubs mentioned that when we were on our honeymoon and did not have to think about work and the stresses of being home, some things that we have been pushing aside have re-surfaced. Things that will affect our future that you do think about during the engagement process but it gets shelved. They are not bad but they are practical questions that we, frankly, have to consider and talk about. Things that freak me out and cause me to worry and consider the options (Kids, career, wills etc)

On top of this I am feeling somewhat bitter. I don't want to get into why I am bitter about a few things because it would be feeding into it and I just don't want to do it. I should be happy but part of me is still hurt and upset about a few things. Bitter and blue make for a not-so-fun combo!

So while this is swirling in my head, my issues with self esteem have re-surfaced as well and let's just say, I am not too happy with a few things (things that I can't change and things I can). I have to start my gym routine again (I decided to start in September) and slowly get rid of clothes and shoes to de-clutter and save for some better outfits. But in the meantime, I am still having my issues and I can't pass the hump.

I am really missing my friends and family who made the trek for our wedding. It is hard knowing that I will not be seeing them for the rest of the year and may not be able to see them until late next year.

I feel stuck in a rut so to speak, I have all this pent up energy that gets wasted since I used it all to work on favors, seating cards etc. Now I just go home, cook (sometimes) and vet out in front of the TV or read. The Hubs mentioned that he is feeling the same way. So we have decided to look at taking a few classes independently me beading and painting and for him classes in digital photography. Well we plan on this once the coffers fill up again.

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Who am I...

A native NYer who now calls Chicago home. I am a 30ish professional, part time grad student and a woman. I love to travel, to paint to read, and to wonder. My family and friends are my world and they are all over the world. Still trying to make sense of it all the good, the bad, the pretty and the ulgy. Still a bit cynical and skeptical-my New York traits but hope, dreams and desires conqure all-at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Mantra for now.....

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs