… life is short, the love of a good purse is everlasting

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Wagon Meets Road

Nothing like the warm breeze of summer and an ill-fitting wardrobe to stimulate feelings of panic and dismay. Another year, another %$#@!! YEAR! of disappointing myself with regards to my health. Seriously, I cannot fathom why this is so difficult for me. I’m really tired of rehashing the “whys”, because, I know WHY. I love food, and I love my iPad. Ridiculous portion size of food + little activity = FAT

There, that’s the mystery solved.

So, rather than micromanage my self-image and lack of control, I’ve decided to just hop back on that wagon. Today. Not next Monday, or after the next holiday. Today.

Now, anyone that knows me IRL knows I am a lover of simplicity. I am not a fad dieter- I gave that up in my twenties. I’ve been a life-long member of the WW plan, because, well, it makes sense. And it’s the only lifestyle that keeps a lid on my bad habits. But… just like it takes x number of days to lose a bad habit, it really only takes me one day to reach critical mass when I blow it. So there’s the problem. The cycle that needs to be broken.

I stopped being a friend to myself.

So, last week. I woke up and did a terrifying thing. I stood in front of my full length mirror in minimal attire and RECOGNIZED that I have not been the best me as of late. I took two photographs, one front and one from the side. Then I cried (just a little). Then I enacted a plan.

Now, usually, I just trot off to WW and solemnly hand over my weekly pass and fess up. But the state of my being is different this time.

I am tired. Really, really dog tired.

I have no energy. I can’t sleep.

I am not sharp at work like I want to be.

I have no desire to do anything.

Is my mid-40’s catching up to me?Have I finally reached that wall that all the older ladies at WW lamented about? What is wrong with me (other than the fibromyalgia which is an entirely different conversation) and how did I let myself get back to THIS place? is there something else going on? So many questions.

The reality is I really can’t get to the bottom of my health until I put myself into a healthy state. I mean, imagine asking someone eating a donut about their health? Wrong setting, wrong time!

So I needed a jumpstart. I needed a way to clean my mind and body of the CRAP that has been festering. I googled, and googled some more. Then the Internet fairy (waat? sure there is one!) landed on a blog that discussed a cleanse. I was suspicious (naturally), but checked it out anyway. Then I happened on a friend- of a friend of a friend. She had completed said cleanse and reported that it was a great experience, and had a positive impact on her energy level and propelled her to continue her new dietary lifestyle. Huzzah! I’m interested.

I researched and decided this could be a great jumping-off point to get back to neutral and evaluate what I need to do going forward. For those of you interested to know, it’s the Purium 10-Day Transformation, and no, they are not paying me a dime. I am hoping it was just kismet that brought me to them.

I started today.

Will I make it the 10 days with no carbs, no sugar, no meat, no cheese, NO COFFEEEE? We’ll see. I made it to noon!

I’m going to try to journal my thoughts along the way. This a radical thing for me, but something I think is needed.