Friday, July 12, 2013

Those untreated feeling that was kept long ago now seems to surfaces. I've kept them hidden for all this while. But of course sometimes they would come out without I ever realising. It was a rage, a grudge, a resentment. Being with people you've known for so long yet you don't even know them. More like strangers. Miraculously I feel more at ease being with a total real stranger than I do with them. I barely open up my mouth and they don't even give a damn! And I keep thinking; was I always this quiet here?? I thought that I am the quiet one with my friends too but I don't think I would be to be in this lowest level of silences like I am here.

I am confused too.. why did I turn out to be this way? What it is that made me this mad, that turns me to this rebellious act, which I can't help but to adhere to it.

It all lays on my childhood experiences which I can't even remember. And I know you tend to forget every painful event that happens in your life in order for you to move on. And so here I am, unable to figure out what is it that made me hate them sooo much. With only the feeling of that resentment still there.