Spend a little more time listening than speaking all the time. What a person says and does will show you quickly whether they are someone you can really open up to.

Too often we only think of intimacy as sex. But honestly if that’s all we see as intimacy many of us have it wrong because so many don’t even treat sex as an intimate experience. We’re sharing it with anyone and everyone who winks at us, but I digress. But the other day when I spoke as a part of the UPPN mixer and conversation on love and relationships, another form of intimacy was touched on – vulnerability.

Oddly enough, it’s easier for many to just have sex with a person than to actually be able to be vulnerable with them. Kind of crazy at least in my little head. But vulnerability takes trust and we trust others more with our bodies than we do with our real feelings and authentic selves.

I touched on it a little in a previous post, but most of us tend to discard the trust that it takes to be vulnerable. As my pastor says often many of us approach relationships with the “You ain’t getting me” mentality. Our guards are waaay up. Most often based on not using a spirit of discernment at all when it came to previous relationships and so by the time we get to something authentic we have no idea how to receive it. Thus we have a bunch of guarded folks claiming to be in love with one another.

But I am here to tell you that if you have not learned to be vulnerable in your relationship, you have only really scratched the surface of the true connection that love brings. We think of vulnerability as a weakness instead of a strength. It’s easy to be guarded that’s why most people are. Our strength is in our ability, like the famous quote says, to give someone the power to destroy our heart, but trusting them not to. That takes GUTS! That is a scary place!

So how do we get there? Well in any relationship, trust takes time to build. So you have to let it happen. The person on the opposite end has to prove that they are trustworthy with you inner most thoughts and feelings. You can’t run around being a vulnerable mess with every person you encounter. It reminds me of our relationship with God. As new believers, we still have one eye open during prayer. Lol. It takes us time to really pour out our hearts and desires to God. But over time, he proves that he is worthy of our trust. Same with someone you are in relationship with. Get to know them. Spend a little more time listening than speaking all the time. What a person says and does will show you quickly whether they are someone you can really open up to. And if they’re not, it just may not be a good look to continue courting with that person.

In my own relationship, I know what scares him, I know what makes him uncomfortable, and I know what he is passionate about, his dreams, goals, and different desires of his heart. That is what truly will bind you to another. He trusts me enough with that. Even though at times I have screwed it up and shared too much with a friend or something like that and he still trusts me enough to say, “Hey don’t share that with anyone.” He’s given me chances to get it right.

That bond, that intimacy that we share is deeper than sex. And cool, people like sex, but let me tell you, sex is easy, it’s a dime a dozen and it’s all over the place. That connection, that bond will help all the other areas of your relationship flow. True intimacy. That is when you know it’s something real.

Are you afraid of letting go? Is your guard always up? What got you there? How can you begin to remove those walls to really open your heart enough to let love in? But really let’s talk about it in the comments!