A Lot Like Yesterday, A Lot Like Never

Posted on April 9, 2012

What a gloriously busy, delicious, satiating long weekend I’ve just had. It was filled with sun-basking, bike-riding, hot-tubbing, wine-drinking, funny-story-telling, German-feasting, French-feasting, Easter-feasting, and one small but glorious nap. Man, am I happy, and full. And now, as it winds to an end, I stare at the piles of laundry, the dirty dishes, the empty fridge, and my never ending to-do list. Those three days of blissful busyness, the kind of aimless, joyful distraction we all crave in our structured day-to-day lives, is enough to make me revolt. No gym! No cleaning! No errands! No writing! No work! I want to grab a crusty baguette, a bottle of vino, and throw myself onto a grassy knoll. And I don’t want to get up until Labor Day. But get up, I must. Get up, we all must, if we’re going to accomplish anything important. We have one shared commodity in this life, and that is time.

If you’re anything like me, struggling to order the million tiny tasks that take you from Point A to Point Z on your list of aspirations, you’ll find Steven Pressfield’s breakdown of time management incredibly useful. In his book, “The War of Art,” he proposes that the key to successfully managing one’s time is to differentiate between the urgent and the important. And to do the important first. Laundry is not really important. It’s urgent. So the equation goes something like this:

Meaningful Work > Basking in the Sun > Laundry

Laundry is the least important item on this list because it is the most urgent. “Really?” you ask. Yes, really. And yet, time and again, we tend to the urgent before we get around to the important. Ironing, catching up on TV shows, preparing well balanced meals—these all seem like important, necessary tasks we undertake in order to remain happy and sane. But the fact is, if we’re fully engaged in meaningful work, we’ll probably be content with a piece of toast and a wrinkled shirt. The important thing is to get down to work. It will fill us up faster than any thoughtfully prepared meal or sudsy reality show. Yes, we will eventually need to wash our clothes and eat some salad. But getting the ball rolling means sacrificing, in the short term, what we think is important in order to do what truly is.

The ugly truth is this: we can daydream about what we want out of life until the cows come home, but the chances of us falling into a bucket of success are about nil. We have to pick up a pen, a hammer, a phone, write the code, schlep the novel, launch the company. Solitary, ego-less work is the most important rung on the ladder to success. It’s a simple concept that’s taken me thirty years to truly understand. For too long, I invested my energy in the immediate instead of the long term, in what I could or should be doing instead of what I knew was right, deep in my bones. I’d like to say I was a slow learner, but I know people twice my age who still haven’t come to terms with this reality. Good things, they’re sure, will happen to them. One day, they will finally write that opus; they just need a bit more time and breathing room. And then there are those who believe nothing good can ever happen to them because they’re not smart, rich, or fortunate enough. Whichever side you tend towards, it boils down to the same thing: time. And just like a pretty face, it’s not about what you have–it’s how you use it.

There are countless things we choose to do with our time: fall in love, pay the mortgage, watch “Modern Family,” feed our babies pureed organic yams, learn to Hula Hoop, read “The Hunger Games”. These are worthy pursuits. But the people who succeed at turning their dreams into reality are the ones who understand the precious nature of time. They funnel it in the right direction. Some of them, like my theatre professors in University, never have children. They understand what a huge commitment kids are, and choose instead to parent their art. They make room for what is important to them, and it’s not pureed yams.

But before I mislead you into thinking that you must sit at home, childless and eating toast, in order to enjoy a fruitful creative life, let me make something clear: perfect work conditions aren’t a necessity, they’re an excuse. Last fall, I was pretty much knocked over the head with my own time-management ineptitude. I was taking a writing course, and the topic of finding enough time to write inevitably arose. Our professor, very quietly and matter-of-factly, explained how he managed to compose his first book. After a full day of work, he would go home, spend time with his children (whom he was parenting solo), do some admin, put his kids to bed, take a nap, wake up in the middle of the night in order to write for several hours, take another short nap, and then get up and do it all over again the next day.

In my apartment, the laundry pile is growing. It will get done, eventually. But first, I start with the work. I tackle whatever is most daunting. Then I move down the line. Soon enough, there will be time for another blissful weekend devoid of obligations. But for now…..

“Work is hard. Distractions are plentiful. And time is short.” —Adam Hochschild

*”A lot like yesterday, a lot like never” is a quote fron Tim O’Brien’s “The Things They Carried”

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33 Comments

I have not followed your blog for long, but I believe this to be the best so far and that is saying a lot.
My stroked, almost 2 year ago now, woke me up to the very facts you are talking about. Combined with having to resign my “career” in February (I worked very hard and overcame a lot just to start it a decade ago), I saw the importance of “life” and how time gets lost so much as we simply drag through it all. I have begun to wake up to the call; I enjoy each day (even the ones that are not so much fun) because I see in them the hand of God helping us move to a better, more fulfilling life here on Earth. And, you are right, it is not necessesarily laundry, nor work that is of most importance…it is our dream, tempered with a bit of reality so that we can reach it.
Thanks for the thought processes you have started…
Namaste,
Scott

Hi Scott, thanks for your take on this subject. Your experiences seem to afford you more clarity than the average person. You’ve had to learn to slow down and see things from a different angle–we can all learn so much from you. Love your latest post on getting back behind the wheel. Take care!

This is fantastic, My husband and I just had a conversation about a similar topic the other night. I have a 6-month-old whom I love dearly, but she was unplanned, and sometimes I feel like striking the balance between being the mother I need to be and the writer I want to be is impossible. I’m going to try doing the work–the work of actively mothering and the work of writing what satisfies my soul. My house can look pretty some other day.

Happy spring.
Very well said Rian. feeling a sense of accomplishment as well as really enjoying life? hard. I’m afraid we’re not able to work hard and enjoy what we’re doing we end up like Sisyphus. . . doomed to do the same thing day after day for eternity/until we die. That’s certainly not what I want. But yet. . .I finally feel like I’m closer now than I was 10 years ago to being in the place where I feel fullfilled (I had to return and get my Master’s to do it). . . but still. .. something’s not right. Will I ever figure it out? Meh. Who knows. In the meantime I’ve learned alot, had 2 kids and started on a more satisfying job-path than I was when I went back to school. I think it’s more or less human nature to somehow be seeking something differrent. . . better. . .
I’m eargerly awating your next post.

I don’t know if we ever figure it out or execute our wisdom perfectly. I guess that’s part of the ride though–ups, downs, curves. It’s difficult to mark our progress because we travel so far from who we are at the start. Like you say, if we could put ourselves back in our younger shoes, we’d be pretty amazed at how far we’ve come. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Happy spring.

Fulfillment, so ellusive to so many. Part of that “grass is greener” thing. I know that as I get older I become more stubborn about doind what I want rather than what everyone else thinks I should!
Makes the Fashion Mister a bit crazy at times…but then…he loves me so he gets it!
Thanks for the great post!
Cheers,
Laura

Wonderful post! I think it can be hard to distinguish between what is important and what is urgent; it requires a lot of honesty and trust (trusting that gut instinct when you know it may not please other people, or be the “easy way” takes courage!).
Love the idea that looking for the ever elusive perfect conditions is an excuse!
Thank you for writing this.

Hi Marie, it can be tough to make the differentiation, no? The urgent sure does a good job of masquerading as important. Eating leftover Easter candy is seeming pretty darn important to me today! Thanks for stopping by, take care.

Good insight into how to make your life worthwhile. I was actually planning to read the war of art so your post is timely.
Our work is what people will most remember us from. So let’s make sure we do it and do it well.

Thanks Thruth&Cake. I’m really keen to go ahead with the book now.
One I would recommend as well that could fit in well with your themes is : “Only pack what you can carry” from Janice Holly Booth. It’s about how to deal with life challenges and counter your inner fears. A bit self centered but honest and informative. Hope this helps.
And btw, thanks for visiting my blog and commenting on one of my posts. That was very sweet of you.

I read this twice! Everything you’ve said is true. Personally, I struggle with differentiating between what is truly important and what I mask as important to stall doing meaningful work because I know it takes a lot more energy and risk to some extent. You’ve encouraged me to be more proactive and really focus on doing the things I love.

I’m glad you found it useful. It can be so tough to make the distinction between the two–mainly because we really want to tackle what’s immediate and easy. I struggle with this constantly. And I don’t always win. But I’m getting there ;) Good luck–I hope you have a productive week!

You’d think being a 40 year-old empty nester leaves alot of room for self-discovery. You’d think that huh? The truth is, I am strugglilng to make things happen for myself after I spent the better part of my life (age 16 to 37) raising 2 kids. I really want to start my own business- and seem lost in my endeavors. My husband is super suportive and motivating- but I hide in exercise and blogging- when I come back to reality, my unfinished life is stil there waiting for me to make it fabulous! Yes, time is short Mr. Hochchild. It seems harder to these days to tackle simple tasks when nobody else is watching me. Tomorrow I will start with the most daunting tasks and work my way down my never ending list.

It’s so easy to do the other things that are also good for you–exercising, working on your blog–instead of what you really know you need to do to get that big dream off of the ground. We need to do all of the other stuff (I don’t think I could give up my workouts), but sometimes we have to bribe ourselves a little–no blogging until I do “x” today. I hope it goes well for you this week and that you can check even one big thing off of that list.

I have been silently watching your blog since its incredibly (and deservedly) successful launch. I have been quite moved by your writing, like many others here. You have been able to tap into some universal pipeline of yearning and drive that we all have as human beings, and you also seem to tap into people’s better natures.

Well done.

As for this post, well: yes! Time is finite. It’s easy to get lost in busywork (like laundry and doing errands) and lose our focus on what’s most important to us. And, when we are too involved in busywork, we can forget to ask ourselves the question: what IS it that we want to achieve most and what is it that we want out of life? So, thank you for the reminder.

Sometimes, we need to make time to think about our dreams. And then, work on achieving them.

Thanks for taking a minute to say hello. I appreciate your very kind words and hope you continue to stop by for a little dose of truth. I write these things to remind myself as much as I do to remind others ;)

I’m glad that other people, like you, understand this issue of time too..but even then, sometimes it is hard to balance several things that are important…in my case, career and travel seem to be in conflict, both equally important to me…i guess it all comes down to choice..anywho, great article, very real!

Big ideas are important, because they are visionary. And visions are just that – visions, beyond our grasp, ambiguous and aspirational. They’re important too. But they’re also overwhelming, especially if you’re a goal oriented perfectionist. I think that’s what you’ve gotten at here. For those who think big and then very quickly follow it with thinking it has to be perfect, the sheer act of life can be terrifying. Thanks for reminding us to focus on today, and just get going on it.