…things are never what they seem…

Sorry, this is one of those emotional, gut-wrenching “outbursts” that I hate to post.
I am sitting here, watching what is left of my relationship (if you could ever call it that) just fall apart…I really hate what happens to me emotionally at the hands of those who claim to love me. I am so upset…and confused…is it really so difficult to consider me and my feelings or what I think before going out and doing something that you know is going to hurt me? Isn’t that what you are suppose to do? Isn’t that what I do with others?

I don’t know why this is happening…this is some twisted expression of love? No, it’s not. The trust issue we have had between us for well over a year now has exploded into something much worse. I didn’t need for him to provide confirmation in the form of naked pictures of some bitch in my room, on my bed, in my clothes, while I was at work no less…

And now, that one issue is causing all kinds of problems. How do you fix something like that? Can you honestly say you love someone when you are doing something like that behind that person’s back…hiding it? And he won’t talk to me about it…acts like it didn’t happen…or like it doesn’t matter…

And all these women calling all the time…and he acts like I have no right to wonder about it…actually, I’m just starting to get it…I guess I don’t…I guess that and everything else he hides from me ARE NOT my business. Why? Because I am still on the outside looking in…where I have been since I initially tried to get back with him almost 3 years ago. I guess it’s where I’ll always be…

Daily Tarot…

I am going to post a Tarot-related tidbit here for your enjoyment every day. I have been reading the Tarot since I was about 12. My mother read, she could even read just ordinary playing cards…with incredible accuracy.

She was kinda spooky, you know…she was a clairivoyant…having her first experience when she was only eight. Her gift operated through her dreams for most of her life…she had a dream that she was looking at a body floating in a bathtub, and it terrified her. She woke up screaming and woke up the whole house. Of course, as so often happens, my grandparents told her that it was just a bad dream, got her calmed down and back into bed.
But, according to my mom, she knew that it was no dream…that it was real…she felt like she had been looking through a large window…into the immediate future.