February 08, 2011

Gripe of the Day Elevator Etiquette

Elevator etiquette is pretty simple.

If you need to get on an elevator, make sure no one needs to get off of it first.

Elevator doors open.

Stop.

Pause.

Wait for person(s) to exit.

Enter.

Do you know how often this rule is broken? It drives me insane. I literally have to jump off of the elevator so I don't end up taking an unneccessary ride with some idiot who doesn't have common sense.

This post reminds me of a list I once read. These are 'Fun Things To Do in an Elevator' by Adam Sandler.

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. Crack open your briefcase or purse and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
6. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
7. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
8. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
9. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
10. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
11. When at least 8 people have gotten on, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
12. Meow occassionally.
13. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "Oops!"
14. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
15. Stare at another passenger for a while then announce, "You're one of THEM" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
16. Start a sing-along.
17. Say "Ding" at each floor.
18. Lean against the button panel.
19. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
20. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
21. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
22. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
23. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."

I've read that list before and it totally cracks me up. I just started laughing at my desk thinking about it...I may try a few on my way down to the car later. I'm thinking #1, #17, and #25. They all seem to go together. Dontcha think?

People really do need to learn some elevator etiquette! Top o' the list...no farting.

Omg I agree! With spending a month practically at the hospital and all of the doctors appointments I took alot of elevator rides and without fail every time some clueless person would try to run into me while I was trying to get off! And I was pregnant! Not a fun thing to run into. :)

heheh, I read this list in high school and wanted to do them. We used to jump in the elevator at the right moment to get that "floating" feeling in college. We were usually wasted. That list reminds me of Elf, where he presses all of the buttons. "Ohhh it looks like a christmas tree!"