Title: Iron lady of the wonderboltsAuthor: Flat spinMedia: TelevisionTopic: My Little Pony: Friendship is MagicGenre: Romance/AU/”Dark”URL: No longer available to the general publicCritiqued by Admiral Sakai

-WARNING-

This is yet another goddamn ‘fic containing potential flamebait in the form of military sexual assault and harassment. Also hazing. And drug abuse. And just plain disturbing content in the form of the murder and torture of innocent ponies for really no goddamn reason, let’s not forget that little detail… It may not be Celebrian, but it’s definitely not for the faint of heart.

Hello hello, all you patrons! No minions today as I figured the veterans needed some time off, and more to the point this was just sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing I decided to do on a whim. I know I said I was going to take a break from riffing for a while, but recent outside events have convinced me to take on at least one more ‘fic before I turn out the lights.

You see, ladies and gentlebeings of the Library, I, AdmiralSakai, am a brony.

I wasn’t so hot on the show at first- I thought it was fairly well-written and well-animated, but it was still just a kids show made to sell cheap plastic figurines, and I actually abandoned it entirely right around Season 3. Then a friend of mine (actually the same guy who has contributed to a large number of my projects as “Nick” or “Serketry”) made me sit down and watch the “Cutie Markless” duology, and I immediately fell in love with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Mostly it’s the endless conversations I have with Nick analyzing and theorizing about the bizarre (and beautifully detailed) world Equestria occupies, but I’ve also come to truly appreciate the characters as they have developed over the show’s run, and more to the point it’s just so incredibly obvious that everybody involved in the show’s production genuinely loves their creation and loves their fanbase. Have there been bad episodes? Sure. But there have also been incredible ones, episodes that show off every last bit of creativity and skill and perseverance of a really just exceptional group of people for the whole fandom to see.

*** THIS RIFF WILL FEATURE LOTS OF IN-FIC SACRILEGE. KITTY HAS BROUGHT IN A RINGER TO ATTEMPT TO KEEP HERSELF UNDER CONTROL, BUT THAT MAY NOT HAPPEN. FIERY RIGHTEOUS RAGE-RESISTANT BLANKETS CAN BE FOUND UNDER YOUR SEATS. ***

[Kitty enters the Snark Booth sniffling loudly between fits of hoarse coughing. Her hair is mussed, she’s still in her ratty pajamas, and she’s wrapped in a blanket scarf that doesn’t look very warm. She’s clutching a box of tissues in each hand.]

*A figure dressed in Archaeologist type cloths appears from the mists of the library*

Salutations dear patrons it’s me Seraphim, now known as FaeriesFrost! It’s been awhile hasn’t it? In case you don’t remember I was the guest riffer who took on the challenge of slogging through the shit swamp of a fic called A New World, penned by the infamous Locoattack1 author of the “great” story Dashie critiqued by GhostCat. Well, seeing as my Archaeological studies have come to close for the summer I have decided to take the reins up once again and continue to journey deeper into A New World.

*takes off Indian Jones style hat, puts on her cowboy hat and swings into the saddle*

It was sure nice of the Librarians to take care of my horse for all those months. Hm, I wonder how Marston is doing? I sent him on ahead but haven’t heard back from him in a while.

*begins to roll a cigarette*

In case you have forgotten, last time in A New World we met our whiny Gary Stu protagonist Danny. Danny is a miserable little whelp of a 14 year old boy who suddenly finds himself thrown into the world of Equestria sans family. Upon finding this out Danny decides the best form of action to take is to amble on down to Pony Ville with dubstep blaring in his ears. Of course along the way we are introduced to his love interest, no one pony other than Rainbow Dash. After being knocked unconscious Danny wakes up and lets Dash know he isn’t a threat and that his home world Earth is a complete shit hole and the “never plans on going back.”

*places cigarette in mouth, strikes a match, and lights the end of her hand rolled smoke*

Hello, my fellow Librarians. I have returned to amuse you all with my agonized screams, and guess what? This time it’s a My Little Pony fic!

…I know, I know, we’ve had quite a few of those here, but I couldn’t just leave it sitting like that. In this particular story, the main character is a misanthropic assbag. I think that’s all the introduction it needs, in fact, so let’s dive in head-first and hope our skulls break before our brains!

Good day Patrons, and welcome back to another exciting installment of locoattacks1 self-insert egotistical story A New World. Today we will be making our way through chapter 2 which is entitled Bbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and chapter 3 Interaction. As we ride our way further into this narcissistic void of nothingness the chapters unfortunately get longer, per his readers request, so for now I will tackle two at a time but as they enter into the double digits I may only be able to handle one at a time.

*pulls on her boots and swings into the saddle*

What’s that? Oh, where are we? Well you see when Danny-boy created a rift in reality for his story we sadly got sucked into the ‘nothingness’ that his narcissism created. So we are still here just a different there that is inside the here.

*glances around at the barren wasteland*

Looks a whole lot like the Badlands of New Mexico doesn’t it? But have no fear, Marston and I have a vast amount of experience navigating our way out of places like this. He has gone on a head and is waiting for us at OMFGWTF the 4th chapter so he won’t be joining us as we gallop through these two chapters.

*Snaps the reins of her horse and beings a slow ride towards a darkening horizon that is laced with the electric white of lightening*