I was wandering around the Twitterverse today and came across this picture, posted by the always popular @MrsVolpatti (She was previously known as MrsDruken and then MrsMurzyn before that.)

Here is Kevin Bieksa, munching away on hockey tape, while he works on his stick. Innocuous enough I suppose. But I knew I could do more with this. Much like how Chris “Mother Bird’ Higgins was born, I knew photoshop could help get me more out of this situation. It would allow to answer the one question that goes through everyone’s mind when they see this picture. What else does Kevin eat?

At first, this was an easy task. As with all projects I begin, I started off easy.

Perhaps instead of pre-game soccer, the Canucks play a rousing game of “fetch” with Bieksa. Bieksa would be proud of catching a trophy and would probably want to keep it on hand when taping his stick.

It’s the holiday season, maybe Kevin jumped the gun on getting some turkey roasted. I could see him chowing down some turkey while taping his stick up. The grease stains on the tape will give his shot that extra bit of oomph.

It was at this point I knew I would start to do the “crazy” photoshops. The photoshops that maybe aren’t that realistic, but still make us laugh because let’s face it, we can be very immature people. But I was also very concerned that maybe I lose people when I go “too crazy” with my ideas. So this time, I decided to leave it in the hands of the readers. I wanted to let you guys decide what Kevin should eat, so at least I could keep things somewhat normal.

What I discovered was that you guys are just as sick as me, if not worse. Below are 7 of the suggestions provided by my readers of “What can we make Kevin Bieksa eat?”

Twitter user @conniewchang (She once shot and killed a rabid tiger using only three elastic bands, a beer, and two chop sticks. She finished the beer after.) had one suggestion. Turducken. I guess the logic here is that Kevin refuses to eat anything that hasn’t killed something else in the last 24 hours. Dead or alive.

Twitter user @PabloP74 (He once at 87 tacos in a row in order to pay homage to Sidney Crosby. The meat was from Burger King.) suggested “Lembas Bread”. What is Lembas bread? I had to google it as well. Lembas bread is special food made by elves. Most commonly found in Lord of the Rings movies, and LARP sessions in Jay Feasters basement. As you can see, this lembas bread was delivered by friend of the blog Elijah Wood. Hi Elijah!

Twitter use @Steve_May (He once ordered “shotguns and cocaine” at McDonald’s by accident when he simply wanted a hamburger) suggested “A bucket of Towes tears”. I assume he meant Toews Tears but I’m not one to bend the truth like that, so I am letting it stand. What are Towes Tears? Google tells me TOWES is Test Of Workplace Essential Skills. So I assume this is a welfare joke. During the holiday season. For shame Steve, for shame.

Twitter user @TucoSalamanka (Who once got too involved with his own meth product which ultimately led to his demise) thinks Bieksa eats X-Rated cakes while he tapes up. Solid. At first I thought this was crazy, but something about this fits perfectly. I assume on games where Bieksa looks extra angry it is because he didn’t get to eat his man cake.

Twitter user @kesrows (He once saw a Kevin Costner film. ALL THE WAY THROUGH.) is positive Kevin Bieksa eats souls while taping his stick. There is something comforting about knowing Kevin is munching down on souls before games. This explains what happened in the Marleau fight during the playoffs, I could have sworn I saw Kevin swallowing a rainbow tinted orb during that scrap.

Twitter user @beerleagueorr (He once drove his car backwards so fast that he went back in time so he could high five himself driving backwards to go back in time) thinks we are all wrong. He believes it’s obvious that Bieksa doesn’t eat at all, for he is not of this realm. “Have you seen this boy?” (Terminator 2 reference if you didn’t get that. I hope you got it.)

And finally, our friends over at @passittobulis (They once had a BBQ where all they cooked was Lays chips covered in Mark Messier sweat.) suggested one that a lot of people agreed with. Babies. While I think this makes Bieksa look monstrous, apparently it intimidates the crap out of new dad’s playing on the other teams. “If I eat my own kid, imagine what I’m going to do to you.”

Thanks for the suggestions folks. If you didn’t get picked this time, please try again next time when we play “What can we make Kevin Bieksa eat?” Or as it is most known as “I wonder what I can photoshop….”

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