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I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began running unexpected child processes and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn’t mentioned in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run. Also, the system crashes whenever I attempt to run Flirt 6. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 as a background task whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications.

I was wondering about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but have been told that uninstalling Wife 1.0 is a lengthy process requiring specialist professional assistance.

Please help.

Joe.​

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Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from the utilities and entertainment program Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that they are buying a similar package, whereas Wife 1.0 is actually an operating system designed to run everything.

You cannot run a simple uninstall to roll back to Girlfriend 7.0 as the new operating system automatically disables the process. It is possible to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but be aware these may cause even worse problems. All your system resources have to be examined and reallocated individually, and a permanent reduction in resources can result (see in Wife 1.0 manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees).

Having Wife 1.0 myself, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must avoid using the Escape key and instead run the utility C:\APOLOGISE. It may be necessary to repeat this a number of times, but eventually the operating system should return to normal. Wife 1.0, although having high overheads, can be rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying add-ons such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0, but do not under any circumstances install Secretary 1.0 (Short Skirt edition), as this is not compatible with Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly become unstable.