Ignorant criminals have themselves to blame

Carol Moore

By Carol Moore

Published: Sunday, July 28, 2013 at 12:00 PM.

One of the best things law enforcement has going for it is that a lot of criminals really did just fall off the turnip truck. There have been plenty of dumb ones in my own careers, but none of the people I slapped cuffs on come even close to some of the ones I found while poking around the news.

One of my favorite recent stories about a dumb crook came out of
Melbourne
,
Australia
. News reports say that the senior citizen was arrested sometime last month following the carjacking of a vehicle during which it took him so long to load his walker and luggage into the car he was accused of stealing that police were able to get there before he could drive off.

From a carjacking gone awry to criminals who drop their identification at the scene (so considerate of them not to make the police have to actually stoop to running their prints), criminals sometimes make life easy for law enforcement simply by being themselves, even when the “inner them” is fairly evil. Take, for example, the South American television host who decided to boost the ratings of his reality-based crime show by killing off people. The TV show host would claim to receive a tip on the murders and rush to the scene with his cameras rolling, arriving before the police and getting an exclusive in the bargain.

Over in
England
where they’re celebrating an heir to the throne that we couldn’t wait to get out from under, a drunk driver was arrested, tested and determined to be three times over the legal alcohol limit. But that’s not what got her in the most trouble: She was also blind; so much so that she had to use a cane to get around. Oh, and she didn’t have any insurance, either.

And, although he didn’t actually leave behind any identification, a would-be Virginia bank robber had a string of bad luck that was nothing short of amazing. First, he left the bank trailing hundred dollar bills all the way to his rented getaway car. When he tried to open the car door, he discovered he’d locked his keys in the ignition. While trying to figure out how to get into the car, a couple of witnesses chased him down and started fighting with him. In the ensuing melee, the robber accidentally shot himself in the leg. During the fight, one of the witnesses — both civilians — also shot him in the leg. By the time the man was caught, he had sustained two gunshot wounds to the leg and had left enough evidence behind to put him in jail for two decades.

One of the best things law enforcement has going for it is that a lot of criminals really did just fall off the turnip truck. There have been plenty of dumb ones in my own careers, but none of the people I slapped cuffs on come even close to some of the ones I found while poking around the news.

One of my favorite recent stories about a dumb crook came out of Melbourne, Australia. News reports say that the senior citizen was arrested sometime last month following the carjacking of a vehicle during which it took him so long to load his walker and luggage into the car he was accused of stealing that police were able to get there before he could drive off.

From a carjacking gone awry to criminals who drop their identification at the scene (so considerate of them not to make the police have to actually stoop to running their prints), criminals sometimes make life easy for law enforcement simply by being themselves, even when the “inner them” is fairly evil. Take, for example, the South American television host who decided to boost the ratings of his reality-based crime show by killing off people. The TV show host would claim to receive a tip on the murders and rush to the scene with his cameras rolling, arriving before the police and getting an exclusive in the bargain.

Over in England where they’re celebrating an heir to the throne that we couldn’t wait to get out from under, a drunk driver was arrested, tested and determined to be three times over the legal alcohol limit. But that’s not what got her in the most trouble: She was also blind; so much so that she had to use a cane to get around. Oh, and she didn’t have any insurance, either.

And, although he didn’t actually leave behind any identification, a would-be Virginia bank robber had a string of bad luck that was nothing short of amazing. First, he left the bank trailing hundred dollar bills all the way to his rented getaway car. When he tried to open the car door, he discovered he’d locked his keys in the ignition. While trying to figure out how to get into the car, a couple of witnesses chased him down and started fighting with him. In the ensuing melee, the robber accidentally shot himself in the leg. During the fight, one of the witnesses — both civilians — also shot him in the leg. By the time the man was caught, he had sustained two gunshot wounds to the leg and had left enough evidence behind to put him in jail for two decades.