Mini Bio

I’m 38. I live on the outskirts of a small Montana town — one that has three stop signs, two bars, a blacksmith, and no grocery store. Sharing the hovel I call home is my husband, Brian, and our dogs, Levee and Wicket.

What’s a Suzzerpuss?

I have no idea.

My grandfather (Pappy) called my sister and I Ralph, Clyde, or Charlie, depending on the day. My grandmother (Nanny) called us both Suzzerpuss.

When I told her that I’d picked Suzzerpuss for a webpage name, she asked me what a Suzzerpuss was. So, I guess no one knows.

All the Lights Are on the Tree

December 9, 2017/

Right now there is a moth the size of a toddler’s pinkie nail in the office with me. Every time it lands on my screen I am legitimately startled, and I physically jump. One itty bitty moth and suddenly I’m sobbing in the corner, waving a back scratcher wildly in the air.

Muggabee hasn’t been around for at least two months. I just heard you say, “Shut up about your cats!” Rude.

Oh my goodness, it almost touched me.

Christmas is right around the corner, as it often is this time of year. We were late buying gifts. We’re usually finished by Thanksgiving, but luckily they’re all finally here. Fortunately, I still have about a week of wrapping procrastination left before I absolutely have to cut the paper just an inch too short and find every possible way to rip the fragile corners. I used to admire my aunt’s wrapping abilities. She worked for a local candy store, and they’d gift wrap chocolates around the holidays. She’d crease the edges and line up the pattern, twist a ribbon around it all and use scissors to curl the ends. I cut my purlicue once while snipping bacon with kitchen shears, so I’ll call any present wrapping a success if I’ve at least covered the picture on the box and haven’t made myself bleed.

Our tree is up. We bought it the Saturday after Thanksgiving from the Knights of Columbus, who had them chopped down a week before they even started selling them. The last year we bought a tree they were all dry, and the needles started falling off in the first week. This one isn’t quite as bad, but they really should stop cutting them so early. We had to buy it when we did because last year we waited a week after Thanksgiving, and everyone was sold out. Everyone. Every. One. So, for fun, we bought a sparkly tinsel tree with pastel lights that couldn’t hold any of our ornaments. I don’t know yet how the ornaments will fare on this one since we’ve only gotten as far as the lights and the topper.

I think I just saw fluttering out of the corner of my eye.

My poinsettia, Phyllis, was struggling for a while. Brian suggested I just throw her away and get a new plant, but I couldn’t. I’ve named this plant. I’ve talked to this plant. However, because she was doing so poorly, I didn’t hesitate to close the blinds on her window for a few days for extra privacy. I knew you could put poinsettias in darkness to develop their red color, so I wasn’t concerned about her being denied sunlight. Unexpectedly, there was a huge improvement in all her leaves in a very short time. She isn’t back to her previously gorgeous state, but she’s not nearly as twiggy and dead. I have hope.

If we’re being honest with each other, the likelihood of me posting again before 2018 is roughly the same as me befriending this baby-sized moth of terror. So, have a Happy Hanukkah, a Merry Christmas, a joyous Kwanzaa, a beautiful December, and a safe New Year.