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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Hey, remember when clowns were funny, endearing creatures that delighted young children with their crazy antics and playful innocence?

Yeah, me neither.

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."

Believe it or not, I used to BE a clown. I'm talking face paint, balloon animals - the works. I realize that automatically makes me creepy and terrifying, but as a five-foot-tall, pigtail-wearing geek girl, I'm actually Ok with that.

"FEAR ME!!"

"Oh, and could you grab the Cheerios off the top shelf? I can't reach."

You're probably wondering how children reacted to me as a clown, since everyone knows clowns only exist to obtain your internal organs in as bloody a method as possible - which they will then juggle in front of you, cackling, while an out-of-tune calliope churns slowly in the background and you're surrounded by fun house mirrors and porcelain dolls with empty eye sockets who somehow seem to be getting closer... and closer...

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, right. The kids.

To be honest, I spent my clowning days way more scared of children than they ever were of me. You see, children are very small. And fast. And when you present a pack of them with a single defenseless clown holding an excessively large bag of free candy, children can make the Hunger Games look like an episode of Mister Rogers.

Little Known Fact: clowns bleed squirty flowers.

And if you think a headless clown is unsettling, imagine a huge pile of nothing but clown heads.

Or better yet, just look at this:

(Ok, so maybe "better" wasn't the right word...)

Now imagine it slowly rotating, while a music box tinkles in the next room, and the door behind you creeeaks open to reveal a pale little girl with black, staring eyes, who suddenly shrieks...

"MAKE ME A BALLOON SPLEEN!"

O.O

Thanks to Anony M., Liz M., Dena R., Kristina K., & Carrie M., who dare you to look at this clown I found in a local arcade here in Orlando. That's right: THEY DARE YOU. Me, I'll just be whimpering over here in the corner...

Reader Comments (22)

“You're probably wondering how children reacted to me as a clown, since everyone knows clowns only exist to obtain your internal organs in as bloody a method as possible - which they will then juggle in front of you, cackling, while an out-of-tune calliope churns slowly in the background and you're surrounded by fun house mirrors and porcelain dolls with empty eye sockets who somehow seem to be getting closer... and closer...”

1) The first clown is a bit scary. I can hear it now. "What big teeth you have, Bozo!". And is that a yellow snake draped across his collar? That would add to the creep factor.2) and 3) I don't think these guys are too scary. They look like they're either dead or just dead drunk. 4) Looks like they took a page out of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Either that, or Marie Antoinette had enough of his antics. 5) Hey, looks like we found out where the headless clown's head went. Why does this remind me of what Sid from Toy Story might have done if he was a baker?

Just remember kids the immortal words from Wacko - "A clown will not bite you or throw you in the basement!"He might, however, scare the "IT" out of you!

Not clown-related (thank goodness) but this Atlantan wanted to wish you and yours a wonderful time at DragonCon. A trip on MARTA to the east side (Decatur/Avondale) is worthwhile. So much more to Atlanta than downtown! Have a safe and fun time. Lots of cosplay pics, too, please!!

OK, so while these were creepy (as usual; is it even possible to make a non-creepy clown cake? Why do they HAVE to be so horrible?), they had nothing on your Mr Stinky video! I have to agree with a commenter that he must have been a real person at one point who unfortunately knew a taxidermist...

When my husband and I got married, he quietly moved an old suitcase from his garage into ours. About a year later, I opened it as I was cleaning out.

IT WAS A SUITCASE FULL OF PORCELAIN CLOWNS. Who had I married that kept a suitcase full of clowns?

in his defense his grandmother had given him one for a birthday and Christmas present for years...so he hated to toss them...and he’s apparently mentally stable enough not to need therapy. We did the only thing we could do...wait for my brother and sister in law to leave town, then we hid them all over their house. We heard the screams from across the road (and it also took them about a week to find them all)!

I never had coulrophobia. First heard of it from Animaniacs, where I thought it was a joke. (The clown in question wasn't scary at all.) Only in adulthood did I learn that it's serious. I still don't get it. Clowns can be MADE scary, but how are they inherently any scarier than, say, ducks? Did people not watch McDonald's ads in childhood?

Being from a generation when clowns were funny, the concept of a scary clown seems strange to me...EXCEPT this one:https://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/krinkles-the-clown-the-most-terrifying-cereal-mascot-ever?utm_term=.wk6oxp8bA#.haKlVkqYKLuckily for me, I was grown when this clown showed up. But I still think he dines on the bones of the innocent.

So many great and wonderful clowns out there. But people dont want to take time to do a little research. They would rather go along with the "clowns are scary and creepy" crowd because its easy. Louis CK went on a rant about unfunny and creepy clowns yet he was the one who did creepy stuff with women. Clowns are good people..its the people who judge without taking time to get to know something who are creepy

Classic Steve, that McDonald's clown is the original scary clown! Putting on a disguise and trying to trick kids into eating deep-fried sugar by packaging them with cruddy toys? Evil.

I recently had to dress all the actors in a fancy-dress ball set in France, so I dressed one of the actresses as Pierette. (The least scary clown ever, usually elegant and tragic rather than buffoonish.)

The actress loved it. Some of the younger cast members asked to be MOVED from their places on stage so they weren't close to the "creepy clown". Like the person they'd rehearsed with for months would suddenly go for their throats? People are so weird.

Bon, that is the funniest thing I've seen all day! The manic expression trying to make "Sugar-coated rice!" sound appealing. I can hear him thinking "This isn't going to work, I'm going to get fired, I'd better try harder, gotta sell more sugar-coated rice! Oh man, this is bad..." Poor guy. Clowns? Not scary.Advertising people? Very, very scary.

I grew up in the sixties and seventies. I’m sad that they have turned clowns into something scary. I went to several birthday parties with clowns and pony rides as a child and I have to say I never needed therapy lol. BTW, I think the baker of the headless clown forgot to put the plastic clown head pick in the top of the neck, that one I have to agree is a little on the frightening side. :o). LOL