I would propose coming up with a similar list to guide future decisions.

This sounds like an awesome way to approach it. Why not sit down with her and say something like, "I appreciate your concerns about the inspector, but when I got DD home, she was totally fine. I think maybe there's some disparity between how you were seeing how she was feeling, and how I saw it. Why don't we sit down and come up with a list to help us determine if I need to come get her? It ended up being very inconvenient for me to get her on Friday when she wasn't actually sick, just tired, so this can help up avoid that in the future."

That way, you're telling her straight out you know DD wasn't sick, but you're framing it as her being overcautious, and not a liar. And then if this happens again, you can point to the list and say: "When we made this, you were comfortable with keeping DD in your care as long as she wasn't showing these symptoms. She's not showing then, so I'm going to ask you to keep her the normal hours today. Please feel free to call me as soon as she exhibits one of these."

I think the PPs have some good suggestions as to how to handle this situation (I would be annoyed too). But I also want to put out there that since this is the second incident in a month (?) or so where she's taken the opportunity to close up for a bit, it sounds like Bonnie is getting burned out. If there's a chance she will end up taking a long break, you might want to check out other options now. I think the odds are good that the next time your DD is the only one present, Bonnie will find another pretense to send her home - her excuses this time were thin to begin with.

The first incident was she desired time off that hadn't been previously negotiated, let the poster know who expressed her dissatisfaction and they worked out a mutually beneficial solution. We all have lives and I would not react by pulling my child out of a situation where there had been 3 years of happy care over a misunderstanding. That said, if the arrangement isn't working any longer, may be time to look elsewhere. I would just give it careful consideration.

So, there are guidelines for when a child should be sent home in our contract packet. (I just looked it up, as I had scanned it in after we started going) and they are generally in line with was said here. "Extreme fatigue" is on that list.

As for the first incident, I don't want to call that an "issue" as once I talked to her and mentioned that while she's entitled to paid leave, I am entitled to the proper notice, she fixed it. Her mother is watching DD at no additional charge to me while she is out (next week).

But, there is a point in her getting burned out. I can feel it a little bit. I don't see it compromising the care of the kids. DD talks about the "fun" they have over there. She is good with activities and takes them on field trips often. I know she needs the income and can't afford to close down permanently, but I also know that she has some personal things going on right now that may just be stressing her out to the point that she feels she needs a break. I care about her as a person, but I also want to make sure that DD is in a good environement. So, now I'm thinking this afternoon, I should have a conversation with her about this (vs the whole lying to get a day off incident).

DD is starting preschool in the fall. That would be a good time to transition her into alternate care if necessary. DH and I have already discussed that timeline as well.

We went through issues like this when our daughter was small. It was a huge relief when we changed providers.

Bonnie wants the money from caring for children, but she doesn't understand that this will necessarily infringe on her freedoms. She is devious, too, and I think rather selfish.

If you stay with her there will likely be one issue after another. You don't need the stress. If I were you I'd look for another daycare right away.

We had the best experiences with a licensed daycare run by an agency. The children were fed snacks and meals according to nutritional guidelines, and there were set standards for illnesses. If a teacher was sick and couldn't work, they had a sub list.

We went through issues like this when our daughter was small. It was a huge relief when we changed providers.

Bonnie wants the money from caring for children, but she doesn't understand that this will necessarily infringe on her freedoms. She is devious, too, and I think rather selfish.

If you stay with her there will likely be one issue after another. You don't need the stress. If I were you I'd look for another daycare right away.

We had the best experiences with a licensed daycare run by an agency. The children were fed snacks and meals according to nutritional guidelines, and there were set standards for illnesses. If a teacher was sick and couldn't work, they had a sub list.

I agree with this. It's not so much how many times she has done something like this, but the way she went about it. I wouldn't want to stress over whether or not she's lying to me. If she's lying to you about this, what other things is she lying about or keeping from you?

So, there are guidelines for when a child should be sent home in our contract packet. (I just looked it up, as I had scanned it in after we started going) and they are generally in line with was said here. "Extreme fatigue" is on that list.

But, there is a point in her getting burned out. I can feel it a little bit. I don't see it compromising the care of the kids. DD talks about the "fun" they have over there. She is good with activities and takes them on field trips often. I know she needs the income and can't afford to close down permanently, but I also know that she has some personal things going on right now that may just be stressing her out to the point that she feels she needs a break. I care about her as a person, but I also want to make sure that DD is in a good environement. So, now I'm thinking this afternoon, I should have a conversation with her about this (vs the whole lying to get a day off incident).

It's good that you found the list of guidelines in your contract, but what you described doesn't even sound like "extreme fatigue." It sounds like a typical three year old that was tired after a night of little sleep. I agree that it looks like Bonnie was making a mountain out of a molehill to get the day off, which is seriously not cool.

I would have a conversation with her explaining the impact her actions had on you.

"Bonnie, I had to leave a very important meeting at work because you insisted I pick up DD. The only symptom DD displayed that is mentioned in the contract is fatigue, which is easily explained by the fact that our dog woke DD up last night and she did not get much sleep. If I have to cancel important meetings and leave work every time DD is a little tired, I don't think this arrangement will work out for either of us. We chose you to care for DD because we feel you are a reliable, responsible, caregiver, and yesterday I did not feel that way."

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Quote from: magician5

Quote from: Kinseyanne

In the bag was two cans of kitten formula

So now ... just add water and you get kittens? What will they think of next??

Our daycare provider (who is an in-home provider who is incredibly awesome and we love) goes by the fever over 100 or actually physically sick rule, for the most part. She has called me for my son when he was baby and was super duper cranky and not eating - both of which are NOT like him at all - which I appreciated. But she would never call because one of my boys wanted to take an extra nap. Even if they were tired and not really hungry, she will mostly just let me know so I can keep a closer eye on him. I think the fact that this happened when your daughter was the only one there is what makes it extra suspect. I would be really annoyed if my provider made me leave work thinking one of my boys was sick and the only symptom was wanting to lay down. And you had a perfectly good reason why she was tired. As to what to do, I think going over the guidelines would be a good start. But I think I personally would at least start looking for a new place so you can get an idea of what is out there/available. Because it really is a bad sign if she is willing to start lying to you to get a day off. (And if the picture of your daughter were really from that day - then she has a strange way of caring for "sick" children and that is concerning.) That is a pretty big deal.

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

This is the reason good centres have a written list of reasons to send a child home sick. DD might have the odd day where she sleeps more and the carers will let me know when I pick her up, usually just a heads up she was extra tired in case it might mean she's coming down with something. They won't send her home just for being tired.

I agree with others, I think she was after a day off and thought your DD being tired was her way out!

It is clear that this in home provider, that when given the option of free time over watching children in her home that she signed up to watch, will try and take the free time over her choice of a job.

And yes, there may be state guidelines that you should follow, but I am not sure if an in home provider has to follow those same guidelines. She might be able to follow her own guidelines in her own home.

I would look for a new provider. I had my older DD in a center, but it was a small family owned place, and they started having staff issues (high turnover) then I started getting calls at work to get her for all sorts of reasons...air wasn't working, heat quit working, they closed for weather (in their packet was going by school guidelines and the schools were open), she was sick (she wasn't) and my boss was NOT amused because I would have to drop everything because they said I had to be there in an hour and I had to run to get a bus). I was so happy to change to a place that was reliable..so was my boss!

I still can't get over the pictures she texted you that showed your DD having fun! When you asked "was this yesterday?" what did she say to that? Obviously, your daughter wasn't sick if she was outside playing.

Personally I would not be so quick to sever a 3 year child care relationship that appears to have been positive until this event. I would not assume the worst and instead assume she had an error in judgement that may have been influenced by the other children being ill. However I would point out that my child was fine and play it as a so next time, if there is no vomiting or ferver, an extra nap is a symptom of fatigue and nothing more and you are sure she wouldn't have you leave work in that instance.

Being a working parent is tough but if you feel she genuinely cares for your child and has provided quality care for 3 years, I would give that serious consideration.

This. I would not jump to ending the relationship at this point.

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If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,Five things observe with care,To whom you speak,Of whom you speak,And how, and when, and where.Caroline Lake Ingalls