“You guys know about vampires? … You know, vampires have no reflections in a mirror? There’s this idea that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. And what I’ve always thought isn’t that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. It’s that if you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves. And growing up, I felt like a monster in some ways. I didn’t see myself reflected at all. I was like, “Yo, is something wrong with me? That the whole society seems to think that people like me don’t exist?” And part of what inspired me, was this deep desire that before I died, I would make a couple of mirrors. That I would make some mirrors so that kids like me might see themselves reflected back and might not feel so monstrous for it.”

“And so, what you can do if somebody close to you is having one of these moments is, number one, is to remain solid and present with them. This is not a moment to ask them a hundred questions, or to give all the power of the situation to your person. This is really a moment to provide an architecture of safety for your friend. Offering a glass of water is a great thing to do, and also narrating what you’re going to do. Not narrating what you’re seeing the other person doing, but narrating what you’re going to do: “I’m going to sit here beside you.” “I’m going to breathe next to you.” “I’m going to open the window to get some air.” “ I’m going to sit with you here as long as you need me to sit here.” Just things like this to announce what you’re doing and sometimes that verbal announcement can also interrupt a feeling that a person is trapped inside their own head. So those are some things that I would suggest.”

“I’m willing to wager that the majority of eating disorders are experienced by folks with multiple marginalized identities. It’s likely that a lot of us aren’t able to talk about it because we’ve been denied representations of ourselves, and been denied in society. It’s also likely that if we came full circle and really stirred up some conversations about this painful experience in our communities, we would find mirrors in each other. It’s not that I want doctors to start diagnosing us left and right. Most of the medical industrial complex isn’t competent enough to deal with our bodies. Rather, I want us, and our communities, to figure out ways to nourish and hold each other, to make space for our truths. For whatever ways that race, gender, poverty, disability, sexuality, and whatever else make us too complicated for dominant eating disorder narratives. If for no other reason, than that we don’t need yet another way to mark marginalized bodies for shame and death.”