TRUE CONFESSION: "I" am 'that' guy . . .

THIS IS ME. KENNETH AVERY. SEE HOW WEATHER-BEATEN AND WORN-DOWN THAT I LOOK. THIS IS FROM ALL OF THE STUPID ACTS I HAVE DONE OR FELL VICTIM TO. AS IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

Let me start off by saying

Probably the most feared, shunned, and respected, if you will, feeling that is common all human beings, to the bone, is looking stupid. In public. Or private. Am I right? Or are you of that special, unknown breed of man or woman who literally thrives on looking stupid, doing stupid things and worst of all, being gullible to the point of being talked into doing stupid things by friends.

Okay. I'm not a prima donna. I do not live in an ivory tower. I am not perfect. Never will be. I wanted to, as 2011 draws to a close, get some things off my chest that I have been, well, keeping out of the public eye for a long time. And especially since becoming a member of HubPages six months back. Hey, if I had started off with 'this' story, you would have already drawn the conclusion that I had a death wish, or plainly didn't know right from wrong. Come on. Tell the truth. You would have called your best friend who lives in North Dakota to tell him or her that you have found 'the' most-stupid man in the United States. Okay. The world if you want to go that far. I know it. You know it. And I am not offended. We are all human. Flesh and blood. Prone to mistakes, but sadly, the things I want to confess are not merely human errors, but things that I was either talked into or just wanted to try, but not taking time to think them through.

NON-THINKING STUPID ACT #1

THE LOVELY, TALENTED, AND VERY HOT MARISA TOMEI.

My "good buddy," Dwight

told me in the hallway of Hamilton High School, Hamilton, Alabama, in 1971, that a girl, who we will call, "Julie," was a dead-on Maria Tomei look-alike. And Dwight was right. Kinda. And "Julie" did halfway smile at me as she retrieved her math, science and health books from her cluttered locker that was near where Dwight and I were standing.

Dwight was, at that time, a trusted ally. Buddy. Friend through thick, but not thin, as I had little enough sense to act on his statement, "Ken, go over there and tell Julie just how much like Maria Tomei she looks. Don't worry. Julie is a cool chick. She will appreciate your compliment." So after I moistened my lips, gathered my courage, I stumbled, in an awkwardly-nervous fashion, to where Julie was standing, looking so hot on this Friday morning as I recall.

"Hi, Julie," I said. "May I tell you something?" I asked to a stunned Julie with huge, brown eyes.

"Yes, Ken, but hurry. I need to head to my next class," Julie cooed. I felt faint.

"I think, now don't get uptight, that you look a lot like Maria Tomei, the movie star!" I blurted out with the confidence of a King Cobra pouncing on its prey.

Okay. Julie wasn't known for using "gutter language," but in the next five minutes, she did. Use words that would shame the roughest Green Beret member. Her eyes flashed fire from God. Her mouth spewed out harsh words to fast that I thought I was being shot at by a machine gun. I didn't know that Julie hated Maria Tomei. A female competition thing. I guess. But the kicker was, Dwight DID know that Julie hated Marisa. It took weeks to live that stupid act down.

I know that you time is valuable.

So I won't waste your time with a lot of writing, so I will just head this up, with photos and a brief explanation I call . . .

"I" Am "That" Guy Who . . .

TRYING TO PROVE MY MANHOOD, I DRANK SOUTHERN COMFORT WHISKEY STRAIGHT. I WAS A MAN AFTERWARDS. A VERY SICK MAN.

I WAS THAT GUY, OR KID, WHO GOT HIS HEAD BASHED IN BY A BASEBALL BAT IN 1961, ON THE FIRST DAY OF FIRST GRADE IN MY FIRST BASEBALL GAME.

I WAS THAT GUY WHO, ON A DARE, LET A BLACK CAT FIRECRACKER EXPLODE IN MY HAND. THE FEELING CAME BACK. EVENTUALLY.

I FOUND OUT THAT GIRLS DO NOT ALWAYS WANT TO SHARE WITH GUYS WHERE THEY ARE GOING.

I WAS THAT GUY WHO BELIEVED THAT GIRLS WOULD CHASE ME IF I WORE HAI KARATE.

ON A DARE, I TRIED TO CONSUME A DOZEN HOTWINGS WITH THE "MOTHER OF ALL HOT SAUCES," DAVE'S INSANITY. I GOT LAUGHED AT FOR DOING THIS.

REMEMBER CHIC JEANS? I DO. I TRIED TO TELL A GIRL HOW SLIM SHE LOOKED IN CHIC JEANS AND SHE GOT ANGRY AND SAID, " SO I USED TO LOOK FAT???"

CATS MAKE WONDERFUL PETS, BUT CAN BITE AND SCRATCH IF PEOPLE LIKE ME TRY TO PICK THEM UP WHEN THEY ARE ANGRY.

PABST BLUE RIBBON. A GOOD BEER FOR INTELLIGENT DRINKERS.

PICKLED EGGS, GREAT FOR PEOPLE WHO DO NOT EAT BUT A FEW.

TO PROVE MY MANHOOD

I drank a lot of Southern Comfort Whiskey on a certain Saturday night. My brother-in-law, Tim, his real name, and a rough. Tough. Hard-drinker at this time, told me that Southern Comfort was, "the Kool-Aid is whiskeys," and I bit like a Large Mouth Bass. Tim wasn't around when I drank almost a fifth of this "smooth" liquor. He also wasn't present when I visited the bathroom, on my knees, and woke up in my bedroom floor feeling like I had swallowed a pair of men's work boots. Yes, I was stupid. Very stupid to have done this. I feel better already at unburdening myself of this secret stupidity.

IN MY FIRST BASEBALL GAME

in 1961, my first day of first grade at New Home School. Someone asked me,"have you ever played catcher?" Of course I was too carried away with just being asked to play with the guys at New Home School, I never thought of what a cather's job involved. So I hunkered down behind Charles Deline, a new friend, and great batter. Bobby Stovall, a sixth-grader, hurled a fast ball and Charles 'got all of it," as legendary sportscaster, Harry "Holy Cow" Caray was prone to say, but in an instant I felt my head snap backwards. Deline had threw the bat as he went for first and my forehead was introduced to the big end of a Louisville Slugger. I wasn't the star of the game, but friends, let me tell you, I saw plenty of stars--blue, red, yellow. Stupid thing. Not knowing the positions and duties of positions of a baseball team.

ON A DARE FROM ANOTHER 'BUDDY,"

Ricky Stidham, his real name, "here, hold this firecracker in your hand. It won't hurt!" Stidham said with a sly look on his face. This was years after the baseball bat incident. I thought that Ricky was my true pal. Boy was I stupid for believing that. I did let the Black Cat firecracker explode in my hand--blowing my hand wide-open sending fire-like pain up my arm while Stidham rolled on the ground laughing at me. I haven't forgiven him of this dangerous act. I don't really think that I am able to forgive such a heinous act.

BACK AT HAMILTON HIGH SCHOOL

A couple of buddies and I were just 'hanging.' Not doing anything productive. Okay. We were loafing. Then 'she' swayed by us making us almost drool with appreciation. "Margena," I will call her. She was blond, friendly, witty, and so pretty that she could make boys' hearts stop. One of my buddies, not Dwight this time, but "Donnie," not his real name, whispered, "I bet you $2.00 and a hamburger that you will not talk to her," and it was on. I jogged up behind this blond beauty and then my brain betrayed me. All I could manage to say was,"Hey, where ya' going in such a hurry, Margena?" She stopped in her tracks. Put her hands on her hips. Glared at me and in a voice that could pass as a PeaVey public address system said, "to the girls' rest room! Do you want to go?" Silence. The only sound I could hear through the waves of humiliation was the sound of "Donnie," and the other two guys heaving with laughter. At me. On second thought. I am not feeling that healed at this time. But I'm not finished.

"I" WAS 'THAT' GUY WHO

bought into the television ads for Hai Karate that "pulled the wool over my young eyes," telling me, and millions of other young guys, "Hai Karate is so powerful, you will have to beat the girls off of you," yeah. Some fighting off of girls. What girls? And I was at the age of a beginner shaver and I loved the smell of Hai Karate. I could just see myself being attacked by cheerleaders. Majorettes. Fast girls. Slow girls. Any girls. I used about two handfuls of Hai Karate after each morning shave. The only thing I had to fight off was the urge to run off somewhere and hide for being so gullible. Stupid, to be exact, for believing the ad for Hai Karate in the first place.

"I" WAS 'THAT' GUY ON A DARE

from a still-good friend, Chad Clark, his real name, who laid down a friendly gauntlet for me to eat as many hotwings as I could, but I had to use something called Dave's Insanity, "a special sauce," Clark said, to make the hotwings taste better. In front of my wife, Pam, Chad, my daughter, Angela, her husband, Michael, their little girl, Alexis, and Lenn and Paula Holloway from the church we attended in 2001, I devoured, or tried to devour an entire platter of hotwings because I had heard Chad tell our mutual friend, Shane Nowlin, how great hotwings were with Dave's Insanity hot sauce. I give Chad credit. The hotwings WERE hot. So hot that they paralyzed my lips, mouth, and I couldn't talk for fifteen minutes. Everyone laughed heartily at my lack of sense. And judgement. Is this confessing of stupid things supposed to get easier?

"I" WAS 'THAT' GUY

who, when Chic Jeans were the rage for young women, had the gall to walk up to a girl in the office where I was working and make a friendly and harmless (I thought) remark, ,"Say, Sally, those Chic jeans sure make you look slim," and tried to walk away. Was it me? Or do most girls hate compliments? I thought girls loved to be told how slim they looked. Not Sally. She snapped like an angry Florida gator in the Everglades, "So last week, you thought I looked FAT???" Now this was in front of staff members. Just like high school all over again. Me. Not thinking. I have always thought that it wasn't as much 'what' was said to Sally, but 'whom,' and that could be why she grew upset at light-speed. As far as I can recall, Sally and I never talked again.

"I" WAS 'THAT' GUY

who didn't take time to study the behavioral patterns of cats. I had a beautiful calico named, "Coco," and I loved her. She loved me. Kinda. One summer day, while I was out of school, I was watching my black and white television my dad had bought us from Fred King and Sons store in Hamilton, and with it just me, Coco, and The Beverly Hillbillies on television, it was the perfect summer morning. Until. Coco began to figit. Squirm. I never knew that (some) cats hate to be held like babies. Coco was that kind of cat. I tried to soothe her. Calm her down. And before I could say, "wellll, doggies," I was bitten on the arm. Scratched in the chest. And growled at like a hungry puma in the Nevada mountain lands. Even cats took advantage of me.

"I" WAS 'THAT' GUY

who wanted to fit-in with my co-workers at an office that shall remain nameless, took to the idea of drinking beer just like 'the big boys,' I worked with. So, my wise and caring wife, Pam let me buy two six packs of Pabst Blue Ribbon. I couldn't wait. I had seen television ads for Pabst where blue collar guys. Steelworkers. Miners. Have a cold Pabst at the end of a hard day. On a certain Monday night when I got home from the job I had at that time, I told Pam, "let the beer drinking begin," and she did. One frosty mug after another. Hey, this was fun. I felt great. No pain anywhere. No stress. An hour or so later, Pabst and I went our seperate ways. Talk about sick. I didn't drink Pabst anymore. I think that Pam enjoyed seeing me heave like a man possessed.

"I" WAS 'THAT' MAN

Who again, on a dare from another buddy in my past, Gary Taylor, his real name, said to me while we were enjoying some cold beer at my home. This was years after my 'bad experience,' with Pabst Blue Ribbon, "See those pickled eggs, Kenny?" I nodded yes. "Bet you a beer that you can't eat nine of them!" Taylor said in a clever voice. Long, embarrassing story short, I had six. Just six. And with the beer already taking up residence in my stomach, it didn't take long before my insides were in sheer turmoil. Pain. Discomfort. Yes, more than one trip to the bathroom. And yes, Taylor laughed as I tried to walk from the mens' room back to the bar stool where I had been sitting. Do you see a reoccurring pattern here?

One final thing.

May I ask you, the friendly, talented, writers on HubPages a sensitive question?

Well, make that two questions.

1. was it just me that was so stupid that I was destined by the universe from birth to do stupid things and to be talked and dared into stupid things?

or,

2. is there an invisible, flashing sign on my forehead that says, "Hello, I am a sucker,"?

Be honest with me. I need to know. And do not try to talk to me over Pabst Blue Ribbon, pickled eggs, hotwings with Dave's Insanity, or with Margena, Julie or Sally. No baseball. No Southern Comfort. Hai Karate. or Black Cat firecrackers.

Just face-to-face. And please, try not to squint.﻿

So what . . .if

I got sick on Pabst Blue Ribbon

Burned my insides on hotwings

Got bitten by an angry cat

Got cursed by a pretty girl in tight jeans

Got told off by a Marisa Tomei look-alike

Got my head bashed-in with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat in the first grade

I would wager, if YOU, the READER, were honest, much of the same things happened to you when you were younger.

Comments

No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

sending

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Thank you, Sincerely, Levertis, for your kind remarks. Appreciate you taking time to read this hub and comment. Highest regards,

Kenneth

Levertis Steele

6 years ago

Great hub! Unique!

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Nov. 30, 2011

Dearest Susan, "Thank YOU so MUCH for your very-kind remarks. I treasure what you say to me for I feel that nice thoughts, words and expressions are some of the gifts we share as we go through life." "And you are the one who makes me feel confident in this writing project and the one who makes me feel like it's worth firing up my PC everyday. God bless you, my DEAR friend." KENNETH

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Nov. 30, 2011

Dearest Susan, "Thank YOU so MUCH for your very-kind remarks. I treasure what you say to me for I feel that nice thoughts, words and expressions are some of the gifts we share as we go through life." "And you are the one who makes me feel confident in this writing project and the one who makes me feel like it's worth firing up my PC everyday. God bless you, my DEAR friend." KENNETH

Sueswan

6 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

You deserve the votes without a doubt and thank you for your kindness and making me feel special. :-)

Goodnight

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

11/28, Dearest Susan . . .I know that. Now. LOL! I will remember this advice from you, IF, another "Sally," enters my pathway, but I really do not expect that. And thank you, sincerely and seriously, for your comments. Making you laugh makes me feel good. And no thanks required. My treat! And thanks for the votes. Susan, you are a truly-special person!

Sueswan

6 years ago

Kenneth, Kenneth Kenneth!

Telling Sally she looked slim in her Chic jeans was plain stupid. If Sally was actually slim, you wouldn't have made that comment. Right?

A compliment would have been, "Sally those jeans look really good on you.

Years from now I will look back and remember that you were the man that always made me laugh.

Thank you my dear friend.

Voted up, up and away!

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

11/26/2011

Hello, htodd! Thank you for stopping by and sharing this commment. It made me smile and yes, not at once, but later, I DID feel better at confessing 'these' embarassing shorcomings. Believe me. There are more. But I think they will remain with me. Thanks again, htood. Have a wonderful weekend.

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

11/26

Hi, Jama! How do I THANK YOU sufficiently? I cannot. Your comment is not only appreciated, but much-needed. I thrive on the comments, bad or good, made by my followers, whom I value very MUCH. Thanks also, for laughing WITH me. That's why I like hub-writing. So my friends can be lifte up. And come on, Jama. Be bold. Brave. And courageous. Write YOUR version of this hub. It might be fun for you too. Sincerely, Kenneth

htodd

6 years agofrom United States

sometimes confession make you feel great

Joanna McKenna

6 years agofrom Central Oklahoma

Kenneth, take a bow! It's a brave soul indeed who reveals his worst moments of stupidity to all of Hubland. Of course, I had to wait till I stopped laughing to write this, but I was laughing WITH you, not AT you. (Note to my followers: I'm not even close to being as brave as Kenneth here, so there will not be a similar hub about my own forays into stupidity and humiliation, some of which are legendary in my hometown.)

Joanna

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Minnetonka Twin, you are very, very welcome for the laughs. I know that you are not laughing AT me. I DO feel somewhat relieved, but now I wonder should I publish MORE of these awkward incidents? Naaah. Maybe later. Thanks for the comment and come back again.

Linda Rogers

6 years agofrom Minnesota

Kenneth. I must thank you for the deep belly laughs that your stories gave me. I am not laughing at you but with you because we ALL have those stories. That was so refreshing and thanks for sharing. I bet your feeling much lighter now. LOL

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

YOU are welome, Sue B. I am glad that you read this hub. That cheers me right up. Sometimes, when I am alone, I find myself looking back at the road Ive travelled, and wonder, how did I make it this far? Then my guardian angel softly laughs and says, "remember me?" Then I focus on the future. Sue B., you are so sweet to comment on this hub. God bless you richly!

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Awww, that is so sweet, shea, the comment about my face. Are you sure you ARE talking about ME??? That has never been said to me. Not in this life. But thank you so much, dear friend. I will not forget your sweet spirit. Kenneth

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Hello, Pollyannalana...LOL, now I have STARTED laughing jus when you have stopped. Now remember it was very late (this) morning when this was written. I wonder. Maybe I should do all of my writing when I havent had any food, sleep, or rest. Hmmmm. That would make for some type of hub, right???? Thank you so much for your comment. I cherish YOUR remarks. Have a great weekend.

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Warm greetings, Giselle! Thank you warmly for your sweet comments. No, the Black Cat firecracker thing was NOT funny. But I do have the satisfaction of knowing that it did NOT happen again. Yes, a lot of crazy stuff, but would you believe that this is just a sample of the things I have done and things that have been done to me???? Life is adventerous. Please keep in touch, Giselle. I would love that. Good night.

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Hello, and a nice evening to you, Martie! I am humbled by your comment, but I want to give Our Father the praise for making you laugh. After all, He did create us. And this makes me so happy at just knowing that someone was made happy with one of my hubs. You cannot fathom how much this means to me. God bless.///Kenneth

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Hello, shea! LOL, Thanks for your sweet comments. You have the gift of not only writing great hubs yourself, but making me smile with your comment boxes. I believe that I have THE BEST Followers anywhere on Hubs. Friends who WOULD laugh WITH me, not AT me. And I in turn would do the same. God bless you, shea. And I am thankful that God did NOT give up on "us." Come back anytime when you want to visit. Kenneth

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Dear shanaya...A heart-felt THANKS for your sweet comment. Yes. I have most definitely, done these things. Sad to say. And as for Thanksgiving, had a quiet, peaceful day. LOVED it. And shanaya, thank you for the nice votes. YOU are so special that I cannot write it in words. May God smile on you NOW! Kenneth

Sue B.

6 years ago

This was adorable! You are very funny- and honest. I have to say- I don't think you've done more stupid things than the average person- you just seem to be admitting to it more often and highlighting it in articles on hubpages which makes you unique. Thanks for the read.

shea duane

6 years agofrom new jersey

BTW... you are not weather-beaten... you have kind of an angel face.

Pollyannalana

6 years agofrom US

OK I have stopped laughing now, almost. We are all ...well almost...that stupid at sometime. We just don't tell it. So relax, you were normal. Fairly!

Giselle Maine

6 years ago

Wow! That is quite a lot of crazy stuff there! I totally agree with Martie that the firecracker was a really, really mean trick and was not funny. I think sympathy is more in order for that occasion.

Thanks for sharing your various crazy experiences!

Martie Coetser

6 years agofrom South Africa

Kenneth, this was a great read. You've made me laugh and therefor you are my hero of the day.

I think it is wonderful to have so many memories that can make you laugh. Most people's memories pull only tears.

Yes, that Black Cat firecracker was a mean trick - one cannot laugh about that.

Thanks for the laughs.

BTW - You were not stupid, but naive and gullible - like I was and sometimes still is.

shea duane

6 years agofrom new jersey

Sooooo funny. It's not stupidity, is innocence... and a never-ending quest for fun. I used to believe that all things should be just and fair; I was a fighter, and I have a very big mouth (I still do, and I've always been honest to a fault) so believe me, you are not the only person who has ever made a mistake. Although I used to be able to throw a punch, I had my butt whipped a lot, did I say a lot! And almost nothing hurts as much as having friends laugh while you're still bleeding. I'm so glad God never gave up on me... and God clearly never gave up on you my crazy friend!

shanaya

6 years agofrom Living in my Own Dreams:)

Hello My Dear Sir Kenneth! That was funny and awesome. OMG, Can't believe You have done all the above things. LOL

Thanks for sharing with us.:)

voted up, interesting, awesome.

(:???Happy Thanksgiving???:)

Pleasure to meet you here:)

with lots of Respect

from SHANAYA:)

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

leroy, you are absolutely RIGHT! Hai Karate and Axe...how could 'we' have not seen these sucker ads coming???? But like I said, I was gullible, lonely and I was willing to even DRINK Hai Karate if meant getting a date with a hot chick. Any chick. Thanks for the comment and have a Safe Friday. Kenneth

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Thank YOU for stopping in, Arlene. Haven't talked to you in a long time. Thanks so much for the comments and votes and I know, it might 'appear' painful, but being honest DOES have its benefits. And now, I can move on with more things I need to confess. Not bad things, just things. Take care, dear friend, Arlene. Come by when you can. Kenneth

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

11/24 . . .Thank YOU so much, Mary! And I mean it. That makes my job more-fulfilling to know that you and others could find time to read this and get a good, healthy laugh from it. This, I LOVE, for people to be happy. There is PLENTY, no, WAY TOO MUCH hatred and violence in our world. Have a safe Friday, Mary. Appreciate YOU. KENNETH

Brian L. Powell

6 years agofrom Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

I remember Hai-Karate commercials. I might have even used it. It did not work. The Axe products promise the same thing; but, they don't work either. I keep falling for that promise. Why in the world would you want to fight off women anyway?

How can we know something is dangerous if no tries it. Blame it on a love of adventure, if anyone asks. We are just the universes way of warning everyone else.

Arlene V. Poma

6 years ago

Geeeeez, Kenneth. You sure are honest. There are secrets even my hubby won't tell me. Shhhhh! The worst thing I've ever done was talk and talk on a road trip and say, "Do you remember coming here? We had such a good time doing this and that." I'd be happily talking away, and it would get real quiet on his side of the car. After I'm done talking, he'd say, "That was not ME." Oh, well. At least he waited until I was done talking. I've done this several times. Voted up and all the rest.

Mary Hyatt

6 years agofrom Florida

I swear, you crack me up! You constantly amaze me. You don't give yourself enough credit. You should write about all the RIGHT things you've ever done. I'm sure there are many of those, too.

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)

Google AdSense Host API

This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)

This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)

Facebook Login

You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)

Maven

This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)

We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.

Conversion Tracking Pixels

We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.

Statistics

Author Google Analytics

This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)

Comscore

ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)

Amazon Tracking Pixel

Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)