When someone says we are ‘living’ our life ‘wrong’ they are implying there was a right way to living our life in the first place.’ This insight came to me the other day when the word ‘wrong’ popped into my mind.

When I talk about someone saying we are living our life wrong…I’m talking about those people in our life who are saying we should be doing this or we need to be doing that…we need to take that course or get this job….we need to say this and don’t say that….on the examples go. Those people are speaking from a place where they know better than we do. So many times this pattern is part of conditioning of some kind.

The conditioning I experienced was this kind of thing….I learned that no matter what I did, if it didn’t work out or there wasn’t some kind of award, it wasn’t good enough period. Conditioning then goes into adulthood where I would do the same to others. What I have experienced is not only was I doing that to the people around me….I was doing it to myself. As I become quiet inside of myself…I am hearing how the mind is commenting on the ‘should have done this and that’ kind of thing. There is judgment of some kind whether I’m are saying it to someone else or to my self. Becoming aware of what is taking place around all of this opens the door to more healing.

When we hear the word ‘wrong’ we may perceive there is an implication of ‘right’. In life there is no right or wrong way of living….there is only your way.

In our life, my husband and I are blessed with grandchildren to help us to learn and grow. Our granddaughter Calli, is now 4 years old. She is starting to express sentences with feelings in them.

The other day Calli came shopping with us. She came into the change room where I was trying on some clothes. In no time Calli had the contents of my purse all over the floor. She was quite busy seeing what interesting things she could find. When she got the lip gloss opened she started to use her finger to scoop out chunks of lip gloss. I dealt with that one and on to the dental floss she went. After pulling out what seemed like feet of dental floss, I had reached my limit of being ‘okay’ with her in my purse. I told her she couldn’t play in my purse and picked everything up off the floor. Calli left the change room and started saying, ‘grandma is mad at me.’

The next day I could feel the dynamics of what I was experiencing. ‘IN THAT MOMENT’ I was mad at what Calli had done…and I still loved her. In the next moment I was perfectly fine with Calli again…and I still loved her. With that awareness, I asked my daughter to remind me the next time I am with Calli…I could share those words with her if she feels I’m mad. Here is what my daughter shared with me… “Awe that’s such a beautiful way of putting it. Remember mom, she is experiencing emotion on a whole new level now too. When to use it to get what she wants, when and what she is really feeling, and how to change or express it. It’s a perfect time to remind her of that. I am also working on, she chooses when to be mad or sad or happy, no one else can make her feel the way she does, she can choose.”

I shared with my daughter I was going to put this insight in the newsletter…here is what she added: “Remind people too…even though their kids are grown up they can still learn, and change things for generations to come. Grand kids are a perfect vessel for change!!”

The words ‘in that moment’ applies to anything in our lives. In this moment we feel this and in the next moment we feel that. Do our feelings change…you bet they do. For children…in this moment…feelings do not have to mean for the rest of their lives. Play with that!

Sheila Unique

Thank you to our daughter Brittany for sharing her insights and wisdom above. Thank you to both our daughters and their partners for all the love and joy they have brought into our world through their greatness.

Every new day I learn more about the dynamics in relationships. Today was no exception!

I was talking with one of my daughters. We were chatting about different ways she could connect with her 2 year old son. We talked about how she could take a few minutes and just do what he wants, like pushing his toy cars around the house. In those few minutes of playing with him, she could use her creativity to show him different fun things he could do with the cars. As the little guy goes about exploring the new fun ways of playing, she may find a few minutes of free time for herself.

At one point in the conversation my daughter said she worries about what her daughter is thinking when she as the mom is being with her son. She added that her daughter watches her when she’s playing with him. My response was that her daughter is watching how her mom interacts with the people around her. In those moments of her interacting with the son, her daughter would be observing and learning how to treat her brother. Through her sharing I was reminded of how influential children are at that young age.

I personally feel this learning applies to all of us and contributes to the dynamics in our relationships as adults. What can be learned from watching people interact in relationships? We as children watched our parents and learned how to treat people, just like our children watch and learn from us. Not only do children watch, they listen and hear things as well. As we grow up and experience the different dynamics in relationships we may get a sense of what ‘works or doesn’t work’ when interacting with others. Getting a sense of what doesn’t feel right or what doesn’t work gives us an opportunity to grow. What we do with those opportunities makes all the difference.

Have you ever heard yourself say you weren’t going to say or do something ever again? Maybe you weren’t going to swear again and out of your mouth comes a swear word. Maybe you are trying not to worry about money these days and catch yourself fretting over money. Maybe you weren’t going to get mad at your partner when they didn’t do what you wanted them to do and all of a sudden you are mad. What do you do in those moments of realizing what just happened?

Allow me to share my story with you. The other day I made a few main dishes for supper. My husband Jimmy was working late and I wanted to have a couple of choices for him to choose from. When he got home I told him he could choose what he wanted to eat. He chose to have some of both main dishes. I said no, he could only have one or the other and he had to choose. As soon as I said ‘you choose’ for the second time, I instantly realized I was not okay with his choice. I also realized I had expectations of him only picking one or the other leaving us with leftovers for the next night. Here I was saying you choose and then I didn’t let him choose. In that moment of awareness, all I could do was laugh at myself. My reaction of not being okay with his choice was right there in front of me to see. Immediately I shared my learning with Jimmy and he enjoyed some of both main dishes for supper.

When I told Jimmy he couldn’t have what he wanted I couldn’t ‘take those words back,’ so to speak. All I could do was ‘work from there’. All I could do was work from that moment of becoming aware and that is the moment the healing inside begins.

Where is ‘there’? ‘There’ can be a moment of time presenting a window of opportunity to heal something inside you. In any moment of reaction there can be a potential ‘there’ which presents the opportunity to heal whatever is bothering you. For example, if you realized you just said something mean to your partner, once the words are out, you are ‘there’ in a moment of awareness. Can you start in that moment of awareness…and work from there?

Everyday life happens. If there are any reactions, these reactions surface reflecting unresolved feelings or incomplete experiences. What’s important is feeling whatever comes up, when it comes up and allowing the energy to move those feelings through. Once you connect to those feelings, they are already on their way to being resolved. This takes very little effort on your part.

Since coming back from India, I have experienced many times when I’ve had trouble finding words for what I’m feeling. In those moments of not having the words, I start to feel what is ‘there.’ It has been such a blessing to feel the feelings become still and then clear and be gone.

For you, there may be times where you don’t get any words, only sensations in your body. That is a perfect opportunity to just feel what is there and healing takes place…with very little effort.

As the globe is awakening, the energy around us now supports everyone moving through their charges very quickly. We are being called to work in the now.

You don’t have to believe me. Play with the concept of working from the moment of the reaction, feel the bother without knowing what ‘it’ is and be still in the clearing. Blessings to you always.