Actress, model, dancer, and overall gorgeous woman. Stars in barelypolitical's The Key of Awesome as Lady Gaga, Tron girl, and other characters. So stunningly gorgeous and talented that it can't be expressed adequately in words. Her flowing blonde hair and deep transfixing eyes are those of a goddess, and when she speaks, the sound of her voice has the capacity to entrance and captivate, transforming even the most mundane life one could have into one of enchantment and excitement.

Guy 1: I was having a pretty shitty day, until I saw Lauren Francesca in the latest The Key of Awesome video. Then I had an awesome day!

2) Lauren Francesca sends a sign to evolution's amusement park that the train ride is over & the hot caboose is not the only attraction

3) Lauren Francesca proves that no amount of pain, misery or unhappiness is worth dying for, just think of all the times you prayed for merciful death prior to first seeing her

4) Lauren Francesca's banned from vacationing near the Arctic Circle for fear of resultant global warming

5) Movie set janitors tie razors to and flail brooms for dibs to sweep the cutting room floor while her movies are being edited

6) When Lauren Francesca cries those black tears in Los Campesinos! "Romance Is Boring" (dir Alex de Campi), licorice whip sales spike like an EKG during Jack Nicholson's electroshock therapy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

7) Lauren Francesca has to wear wide brimmed hats if doves fly overhead. Yhey're pissed she can tie an olive branch in a knot with no hands

8) Rumors Lady Gaga will go as Lauren Francesca for Halloween.

9) 1st week LaurenFrancescaFanClub.com was up requests for locks of her hair warranted buying a Sinead O'Connor wig.

10) With Lauren Francesca having two X chromosomes, it's impossible to get PG-13 rating for movies with her in it if script mentions DNA.

"Who did you like better in that Lauren Francesca short film CHASING THE KISS, Walter Masterson or Michael 'Pyro' Araujo?"

"I thought I saw some other people in that movie. If you say so. I sorta blocked a lot out when she gets lifted up and.. NO NO!!!! kisses!!! I'm down to two grief counseling sessions a week though. Still not allowed on YouTube, dammit.