Posted
by
michael
on Friday March 26, 2004 @03:33PM
from the bingo dept.

revtom writes "The WTO has ruled that the U.S. must allow online gambling or face trade barriers. My favorite quote from the article (Rep. Bob Goodlatte, R-Va), 'It cannot be allowed to stand that another nation can impose its values on the U.S. and make it a trade issue.' Pot/Kettle black?"

9/11 would not be stopped by making the world liek us. There will always be soemoen who hates us. Bin Laden would hate us no matter what we did. What stops 9/11s isn't making people liek you but watching your back and making peopel fear you.

And finally, New Rule: If we really want to stop terrorism, we have to get Muslim men laid. Five British Muslims who were recently sent home from our prison at Guantanamo, charge that their American captors brought in prostitutes to taunt them, because most had never even seen a naked woman before.

And it made me wonder how many members of Al Qaeda have even dated a girl? We should hire women to infiltrate Al Qaeda cells and fuck them. Things would change quickly because young Muslim men don't really hate America. They're jealous of America. We have rap videos and the Hilton sisters and magazines with titles like Barely Legal. You know what's "barely legal" in Afghanistan? Everything!

Young men need sex, and if they don't get it for month and after month after month, they wind up cursing the day they ever decided to go to Cornell. Personal.

Have you ever wondered why the word from the Arab street is always so angry? It's because it's a bunch of guys standing in the street! Which is what guys do when they don't have girlfriends, when they're not allowed to even talk to a girl. Of course they want to commit suicide! Unlike this country where it's the married guys who want to kill themselves.

But here we always have hope. You can at least talk to a girl. And one might be crazy enough to go for you. Or you could get rich and buy one, like people do in Beverly Hills. But the connection between no sex and anger is real. It's why prizefighters stay celibate when they're in training, so that on fight night, they're pissed off and ready to kill.

It's why football players don't have sex after Wednesday. And conversely, it's why Bill Clinton never started a war.

And so, to paraphrase the sign in Mr. Clinton's old war room, "It's the pussy, stupid."

We need the Coalition of the Willing to be really willing! We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks - a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who just can't say no. All under the command of Col. Ann Coulter. Who will be dressed in her "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS" uniform.

Forget the Peace Corps. We need a "Piece of Ass Corps"! Girls, there's a cure to terrorism, and you're sitting on it!