Wednesday, 17 August 2011

' Thank you, Sam, for showing how my point of view has been so flawed. I assumed there was no God at all but now I see that’s cynical. It’s simply that his interests aren’t particularly broad.'

I apologize in advance if I already shared this with you. But I am totally in love with this guy.
Unfortunately, the video of Thank You God with subtitles has been removed because of some copy rights, blah blah. But I have found a link to a blog with the words...here.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

And, besides the naked dolls porn scenes or other silly funny moments, there was one particular joke I thought was very spot on. A UN representative of some sort was visiting North Korean Kim Jong-il kindly asking him to show all the areas of the palace so he could see if there were any WMD. If you don’t allow me, he said, I would have to....I would have to....go back!!!! And then, we will send you a letter, in which we'll let you know how angry we are with you!

And that is exactly what is so ridiculous in the western world right now. Look at the UK! Look at what is happening. The public is outraged...’Police are doing nothing!’ they are saying, 'Police are not protecting us!'

But how can they? If they beat those scumbags up, they would get in trouble. If they use the plastic bullets or water cannons or my favourite- CS gas-on them...how much would that same public frown upon them afterwards? Oh, those poor children were pushed into this behaviour by deeply rooted social problems, they will say. Oh no, we closed their youth centres! They had nowhere else to go, so they got bored, poor little....*&&^^%%%s.

So we see endless scenes of looting, where young guys lazily loot shops, taking new trainers, TV screens and whatever else they fancy, while the police are running after them with little sticks, which they can’t even use with enough passion.

At work, in a college, one of our directors said to me once, that things changed so badly these days, that the youngsters don’t feel any fear or respect for authority. 'A few years ago', she said, 'I would walk into a group of students fighting in the corridor and I could tell them to stop and they would listen. Nowadays, they would just tell me to f** off'. Because there are no measures left for the authorities to use against the offending youth. They are too young to arrest and jail them, so David Cameron’s statement, in which he claimed that If they are old enough to be committing this crime, they are old enough to be punished for it has no real value in it, whatsoever. If the looters are young enough, they will go free. They can’t be threatened with parents as parents are just as useless and stupid as their children. They can’t be told they would be expelled from colleges or schools as that would only make them happy. So the police will now spend months analyzing the footage from cameras, mobile phone messages and twitter accounts so that they would arrest these criminals, only to set them free shortly after. Probably with apologies.

And,of course, people already try to justify this mayhem that took over the country. It comes from ‘nothing to lose’ they said. Haven’t I heard this one before? Oh yes. Terrorist have nothing to lose either. It is because of the poverty. It is because of the racism. It is because of the university fees. Honestly? Pleeeeease.

It is so obvious what is going on out there that it is not even worth discussing.I personally am thinking of going to John Lewis for some middle class looting, as one Facebook friend suggested. I fancy some new curtains.

And I absolutely love the image I just saw on TV, of the Sikhs standing outside their businesses on the street, taking the matters into their own hands. Because they know there wont be any help from the police. Not because the police are useless. But because their hands are helplessly tied by the ridiculous liberal, pc bullshit.

So, yes. Let’s analyse why it happened, lets apologize for not providing them with more freedom and more opportunities, maybe give them something free to make them happy, and let’s send them a letter in which we express just how saddened we all are by their naughty behaviour. Let's just bend over, shall we.

Saturday, 6 August 2011

I was in the middle of talking to husband the other day when the baby let out a big cry. She was asleep in the garden in her pram, but something woke her up. I stopped talking mid-sentence and ran outside, jumping over the steps like a gazelle. Considering just how huge I am at the moment that was probably quite a shocking sight.

‘What were you saying? ‘Husband demanded, walking out in the garden after me. ‘You were in the middle of the conversation and you just ran out!’ But what he must try to understand is that....well, how do I put it so it is not too disrespectful...and so that it would not make me sound like a very primitive creature? I guess there is no other way to put it. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing else matters to me when my baby is crying. In fact, to be honest, not much matters to me at the moment. I know there are important events happening in the world. I know about the News of the World, Murdoch, the way the mayor of Vilnius tackles illegal parking, some Norwegian nutter killing young and strong people (who, for some reason, did not attempt to overpower him?)...Or Norwegian bears killing British explorers (what the hell is going on in Norway at the moment???!), the US debt palaver...AAA or AA+ or whatever...But honestly? None of it matters to me, as all I can focus on right now is this little baby, her needs and desires.

Being a mother changes you. You never know how it might affect you personally, until it happens. You may think it would not, or you might think you would remain as cool, as passionate at work, or as dedicated to whatever else in your life you had been dedicated to. (or as slim...) But then, this little baby comes into the world, and you are a different person.

Something unspeakably awful happened to a friend of mine. Her little niece went for a nap and never woke up. I keep thinking about this, over and over. Because all parents, and mothers in particular, become absolutely paranoid of something like that happening. When I first time heard of this tragedy, I thought to myself Oh, f**k. This is the worst that can happen to a parent.

But then I remembered a reader on this blog, whose child died from a disease the parents knew had no cure. Which is harder, not to know it might happen, or to know in advance?

I was thinking of various horrible accidents that we all read or hear about involving children. Every day there is something in the news. A 3-year old girl fell of the balcony in Singapore ... And Amy Winehouse?... At what age is it okay for a child to die? Is it any easier for Amy’s parents to cope with her death, because she was older and on drugs? The first thing I thought when I heard about her death on the news was 'oh, no...her poor parents!' There is no easier way, or age, for it to happen. Because it is not fair, not right, not the way it is meant to be. Never, ever should a child die before the parent.

So yes...Once you become a mother, you are no longer the person you used to be. All of us, parents, have this one thing in common. Hidden deep inside, indescribable in words, underneath all the daily routine, sleepless nights, happiness and smiles, lies this worry and vulnerability, which is there to stay...well, I guess, forever. Because I know, looking at my children, that I will always worry about them, whether they are babies, or young women dating, marrying, giving birth or travelling abroad....

I was breastfeeding my baby this morning when I heard of that boy getting mauled by a polar bear up in Svalbard. Now, you listen to me! I told her. When you come to me one day and say ‘mummy, I am going on an expedition to see polar bears!’ I will lie in that doorway and you would have to kill me before you go. But of course, I was not being serious. Of course, I know that we cannot protect them from living their lives. We can just do our best to raise them as safe and as healthy as possible, and hope (or pray- whichever works for you) that, whatever happens to us in this life, we will go before they do. That is not too much to ask for, is it. The most natural circle of life.

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About Me

Foreign here, foreign there...foreign everywhere.
Born in Baku, Azerbaijan, I then spent 12 years in a wonderful commuter village near London, and recently decided to try an expat lifestyle and relocated to sunny Doha.
Besides this blog, I run a regular culture clash column in AZ Magazine in Baku, Azerbaijan, and freelance for whoever pays me.