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WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE…GENE SIMMONS

I was never a fan of KISS, but I am totally hooked on Gene Simmons’ “reality show.” I know this soundscliche, but look up “cool” in the dictionary & I bet you’ll see a picture of Gene Simmons. The man has got swagger (or is that “swagga?” I gotta brush up on my Ebonics). And you can tell it’s not an act, he doesn’t have to try, he just IS.

I mean, the man is so cool, that even his kids are cool. If I were a teenager, I’d be trying to hang out with Nick & date Sophie. They don’t seem like spoiled stuck-up celebrity rich kids a all. They’ve got their heads on straight.

And he’s “happily unmarried” to SHANNON F***IN’ TWEED! Oh man, when I think of all those nights I used to stay up late to watch various movies she was in on Cinemax or Showtime…

Okay, so there was that little sex tape scandal earlier this year but, whatever. She knew
what was up when she met him.

But the thing I love most about him is thathe is so unabashedly & ashamedly capitalistic.
The man is all about making money. That’s hismain motivation. Anything for a buck. None ofthis highminded “artistic integrity” junk. Leave the saving of the world to Bono. He epitomizes what I’d say, 90%, of guys who ever picked up a guitar, bass, or drum set first thought of: making money & meeting women. That’s what it’s all about, baby. Gettin’ paid & gettin’ laid.

He’s come out strongly against digital downloading, & gotten criticized for that. But he’s like, I’m not even going to bother making new music if I can’t make money for it. I love that! Call him greedy, if you want to, so what? It’s his world, & we’re just
living in it.