This February 17th, get ready for The Art F City Art World Roast Auction and Awards (AFCAWRAaA): a night of crowning the worst and auctioning off the best. (Basically, it’s like the art prom but everyone is Carrie.) Prepare yourself for roasting and ass gadgetry; this year, our gilded awards will take the form of golden butt plugs. Public voting is open through midnight, February 14th, and our auction is underway on Paddle8.

We haven’t announced all the details yet, because we’re not sure if the person in the giant butt costume will be distributing awards and buttplugs or awards as buttplugsUPDATE 2/14: The awards will be buttplugs. In the meantime, here’s what we can tell you:

Jaimie Warren, the woman who has dressed up as a piece of lettuce, a flattened piece of pepperoni, and a lasagna will host. She will probably be wearing a costume.

We will have CK Swett from Heritage Auctions. If you’ve seen Swett in action, you know this: Of all the world’s charity auctioneers, in one hundred years only the name C.K. Swett will be remembered. According to NBC, he is the “The Mad-Hatter” of charity auctions.

General Admission

$100 each

Admission for one (1) human. You’ll get food, drink, entertainment, and the opportunity to witness the mockery of others. You will receive one (1) unit of fun, distributed evenly over the course of an evening. You’ll also be supporting the work we do, and the cause of art criticism more generally, so that as you exit Postmasters into the assuredly frigid night you will be warmed from within by your own kindness.

Five Ticket MEGA PACK

$400 each

Ten Ticket MEGA MEGA PACK

$700 each

Admission for ten (10) instant best friends. You’ll get food, drink, entertainment, and a party heavily stacked with your friends; not only that, but you’ll be paying for a ton of independent art journalism..

I want artists to party, too!

$50 each

If you can’t attend yourself, you can sponsor a ticket for an artist; we’ll make sure they have a good time. Include the name of the ticket recipient in Paypal’s “Additional Information” area, or else shoot an email to paddy@artfcity.com.

My heart is too big.

If you just can’t stop yourself from giving, we’re happy to accept additional donations. Give $500 or more, and you’ll get a private lunch and tour around the New York neighborhood of your choice with AFC’s own Paddy Johnson.