Month: October 2011

In years past, I haven’t realized how much I hate candy… I mean, what it does to my son. Now that he’s 3, he’s obsessed with it. He can’t stop talking about it. He whines and begs and pleads for it before I even have time to pour a morning cup of coffee. He wants it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I. Hate. Candy. (right now, when it comes to him, not when it comes to me, I’m eating an Almond Joy at this very moment, nom)

Which is going to make the coming months SUPER fun. Basically, from now through December, with a brief break in January, and then right back at it again for Valentines Day, my kid is going to be in a perpetual state of hyperactive whining, cracked out on sugar.

Most wonderful time of the year, indeed.

I had a great idea.

It wasn’t an original idea. I heard about it from a friend last year. They employed a little Halloween magic in the name of The Switch Witch.

For those who’ve never heard of this, here’s the scoop:

You create some imaginary figure (Switch Witch, Candy Fairy, etc.) who will come to your home the night of Halloween, pick up all your child’s leftover candy, and leave a toy in return.

Lying to my kid about reality, stashing some of my favorite candy in our closet and getting rid of the rest? I kind of freaking love it.

“Tomorrow, after you go Trick or Treating, you can eat lots of candy. And I’ll even let you pick some of your very favorite pieces to save for later. But then? We’re going to gather all the rest of the candy, and you know what we’re going to do? We’re going to leave it for the Candy Fairy! And you know what she’s going to do? She’s going to take it and LEAVE YOU A TOY!” I gave it my best sales pitch.

His face began to crumple, his brow furrowed, “NO, I don’t want the Fahwy to take my candy!! I don’t want a toy. I want all my candy!”

Shit.

“Well, what if she brings you sports stuff! What if she brings you a new baseball bat?!” I retaliated.

Very matter-of-factly, he composed himself and replied, “Uhm, we can just go to the sports store and buy a baseball bat, momma. I don’t want the Fahwy to bwing me a bat. I. want. my. candy.”

Of course he does.

So the plan was to gather up most of his candy (save the stuff we really want, and a few extra pieces for bribes) and donate it to our local dentist, as part of their Halloween Candy Buy Back program to benefit Operation Gratitude, which sends care packages to the U.S. Military.

Well, that’s still the plan. I’m hoping if I let him indulge in a little too much candy tonight, it won’t be hard to convince him to give up the rest in exchange for a shiny new baseball bat while he writhes in pain from his belly ache.

That’s totally evil of me, I don’t care. ::insert evil mommy cackle::

Anyway, if you’d like to donate your candy, you can check to see if any dentists near you are participating in Operation Gratitude and buying back candy by going here and entering your zip code in the top right corner (shout out to Straight Talk Jess for telling me about this program).

And if you don’t want to make up a whimsical, candy-stealing character, check with the dentist’s office to see if they pay for the candy or offer any cool treats. I’ve read that some are giving out stickers, t-shirts, and of course, tooth brushes.

(That last bit was typed with the sound of a sad trombone in the background because what kid wants to give up their candy for a tooth brush? I mean, really.)

Hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween!

Kendall is 3.5 and Leyna is 10 months old, and I *just* thought about what a PITA it’s going to be to keep big brother from feeding candy to his sister. Swell.