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I know I was busy with a lot of things, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to completely ignore my first love – to write. It’s my outlet afterall. I think this is the reason why I feel down and depress these days because I don’t get to sit down, think and pour out my thoughts. I feel like it’s suppressed. With all the events and happenings – the church activities and all, at the same time the company’s, I feel so not in touch with myself. I don’t get the time to reflect anymore. So this is the right time…

So what’s been going on? Let me list it randomly:

-The most recent – the Philippine holidays. Yes! There was a 2-day holiday last week due to Easter and I can’t help but mention, that after maybe 7 years, I only get to enjoy my country’s own holidays now. That’s what I get for working for BPOs for quite a long time. Although too bad, most holidays this year falls on a Sunday and P-noy made the business owners happy this year when he lifted the Presidential decree or whatever you call it about moving holidays to either Monday or Friday. No more long weekend for us. 😦

– The company I am working for… so far so good. I think I’m enjoying right now and liking what I’m doing. We had a company outing a few weeks ago, where we had some Pinoy games. It was fun especially when you used to play them when you were young, it’s so nostalgic!

– M. We talked a few weeks ago, didn’t turn out quite well but still I was happy I got to talk to him. I called. He did mention about missing me and wanting to talk to me everyday. But it still ended not quite well with him telling me, that although he wants to talk to me everyday, he is controlling that urge so that we won’t run again on circles again. *Sighs* I miss him really. Very and it’s so hard to breathe now. 😦

– My youngest sister getting married. I think aside from the unfavorable situation I have with my relationship with M, this is one of the things that occupies me too much these days. I have to admit, I do not like the guy she is marrying. And I have my reasons. But then again, it’s not my decision and my choice. I have to respect my sister’s. She’s old enough now. But the sad thing is, the influence that guy has on her wasn’t good… I felt like I’ve lost a sister ever since they got into a relationship.And now that they are planning to get married this year, I fear that that I will completely lose her and she will be so far away from us. I know I also have done wrong things, especially for not accepting that guy. But he still hasn’t done anything to prove his worth. He still hasn’t done any effort to reconcile. And he can’t even do it for my sister’s sake? I don’t know what to think… I know I have my faults too but it’s not mine entirely. I know it will never be the same again in our family after their marriage. It will be just mom, dad and me in the house. Although I still have my parents and I know they love me, I feel so alone sometimes. And I feel like I’m an orphan, especially that I don’t have M beside me. I think if he was just with me, I won’t feel like this. *Sighs*

– One of my best friends is on vacation for 2 weeks with his family. I am happy for him because he gets to enjoy with his family and rest. But I feel sad because there’s no one to talk to. No M, no sister, no best friend. What else could go wrong? *Sighs* Plus, before he left, we talked and it didn’t turn out quite good. But I hope to talk to him when he gets back. Hope and pray they will get back safe and sound.

– Migration. I don’t remember the last time I thought about moving to another country but I remember it started way way back and I applied if I will qualify to move to Canada. I was young that time and I barely have experience in life and I don’t have savings. Now that I’m older (and wiser), the Migration plan resurrected. I don’t know where yet but I’m eyeing SG or some European country, maybe Canada again, I don’t know yet but I’d like to prepare for that soon.

I guess that’s it for now. It really helps that I put these into writing because it’s been plaguing my mind. I know most of the updates are sad. But what can I do?

Oh yeah, this one last is a good one. I’m reading again… and I’m trying to finish the book Dug Down Deep. So far so good. I’m reading every morning, on the way to work. I wont let the bad things happening and my busyness interfere with my reading. It’s good news isn’t?

I admire my Mother. She got a pretty tough job. She may not have to address the problems of poverty like the president have to, but her ‘job’ is tough. Maybe even one of the toughest in the world. Imagine being a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a daughter, a sister, a Church Pastor to 9 churches with at least 200 or more members each, a leader, a government consultant, a counselor, and a friend to some. And all these, rolled into one.

What I specifically admire about my mother is that she’s the same person she is inside and outside our house. Meaning to say, she doesn’t pretend or have a multiple personalities. The compassionate, patient, understanding, helpful, kind-hearted person she is outside or in the church is the same person she is to us inside our home. And I think that is one of the traits of a true leader.

Growing up, I see how my mother shown these traits. I remember us being in the bus ride to Manila from Lipa, and on our way there was this young woman with her little brother, moaning for a severe stomach pain. Her motherly instinct kicked in. She wasn’t selfish to think that she got 3 young kids to look after to (I think my youngest sister was barely 4 years old that time) and let another person help. But she was quick to extend a hand, prayed for her and even took her to the hospital as soon as we got off the bus. She also began charity at home. Even though she is already married and have kids to support to, she, together with my father, helped her sisters and brothers fund their studies. She didn’t cease in helping them, even until now that they have their own families.

She is patient. Very patient. It will take time for her to get angry. And when she does, please hide, you wouldn’t like it. 😀 I think it’s true that when a patient person loses his/her temper, it’s going be like World War II. I’ve seen her pissed off. And unfortunately, it was because of me. Well, sometimes because of my sisters too. 😛 You don’t want to see her mad for sure. So you better not test her patience. Like any normal person she also gets angry, whether you believe it or not. 🙂

She is super nice and super kind. And “super” is not even the right word to perfectly describe how nice and kind she is. Serving the church as the Pastor, she has encountered countless problems, both personal and church-related. People come to her for advices, sometimes even for financial help, then there are some who questioned her ways, pressured her for something, sometimes to take their sides over someone’s or influence her decisions. But she won’t let it. She won’t give in. Instead, she prays for them and asks them to pray for those who hurt them. Sometimes, when the attack to her is personal (and sometimes even below the belt), it angers me, my sisters and father, but not her. She always reminds us to be gentle, to just pray for those who hurt us and just speak blessing to them instead. Sure, her helpfulness, kindness and patience have influenced us, but I don’t think I inherited it 100%. I am not as patient and kind as she is. Sometimes I complain to her for being super nice. If it was me, I would get even! Hahahaha…. Just kidding. 😛

She’s forgiving. Like I mentioned, she just pray for those who hurt her. She didn’t grow up in a well-off family, but she strove hard to succeed. And that means, working at her Auntie’s restaurant while studying in high school at around age 13 I think. She wakes up early in the morning to go to the market, go home and help serve and prepare the customers’ orders, then go to school (and because of that, she’s late to school most of the time) and then go home in the afternoon, help her Auntie again, do her homework after and sleep late. That was her routine everyday for at least 4 years. She wasn’t treated well by their family too but she didn’t have any bitterness in her heart. I cried when I first heard that story. I felt sad and furious to hear what she had to go through. But she was quick to tell us how grateful she is to her Auntie’s family because she was able to continue her studies and help her mother and siblings get out of poverty. For her, it was her stepping stone to success.

I know I hurt her also so many times in the past for being somewhat rebellious and so my sisters and my father but she didn’t quit on us, but instead she forgives us for our shortcomings and imperfections.

I could list a lot of things about how admirable my mother is. She is not perfect but I think she possesses the Christ-like character and that’s what makes her truly admirable.

Today is her 53rd birthday and I couldn’t think of a better gift but to put into writing what kind of a person she is – a loving wife, mother, grandmother, sister, daughter, a patient Church Pastor, a humble servant and a true Christian.

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