We were all set to do our usual mean-girl “FINE. WHATEVER, AMBER HEARD” routine for the crime of forcing us to look at another plain black dress, but we suppose if you’re going to get draped with some diamond-encrusted snakes, you should keep the rest of the look toned down. Unless you’re doing Cleopatra drag, we suppose. Then all bets are off.

Come to think if, that’s exactly what she should’ve done, considering how vulgar those pieces are.

Honey, if you’d asked us, we’d have had you in a cobra crown and beaded headdress, lounging in a see-through tunic, eating grapes, on a divan carried in by a bunch of bodybuilders in gold loincloths and King Tut head scarves. You’d have been splashed all over the internet for the next 48 hours.