I took a very inappropriate nap today from the hours 4 to about 9. Now, of course, I am wide awake and without a great outlet to channel my energy. I should have resisted the sleep need for a few more hours than I could have actually had a good night sleep. So, here I am and blogging for the first time in a bit.

Pending issues of where to live, where to school and where to work are still present. (Most recent update)

+Salisbury, MD: Went for an Eastern Shore visit this past Monday & Tuesday. I had a wonderful time with 3 very close friends at 2 separate intervals. I saw some fantastic artwork & ate a fantastic lasagna. Found a place to my liking, if I can get a roommate. School is not an issue. Being close to my family, however might be. They stress me out, even with a minor interaction. So, lots to think about and not enough time to analyze.

+Washington, DC: If staying here my school life becomes a bit more unpredictable; however, there may be less stress overall. I have applied for readmission to the University of Maryland, just in case. I have a job that I rather enjoy overall, even with its bits of drama. I have a few interviews this week for restaurant/bar work & one with a company that randomly came about on Saturday, when I was called by a recruiter to fill a Purchaser need that they have. We'll see, kind of intriguing because it is good money. It is also a Monday thru Friday and may allow me the possibility of affording to live here, while attending school. The flaw in that being my lack of desire to attend classes at night.

This week all of this needs to be finalized and a game plan set. I have 4 and 1/2 weeks to move & I have no place lined up, just general ideas.

Well, not actually...but I am trying to cover all aspects of my future by applying for jobs, looking for apartments & just existing in general in 2 different locales. I long for the simplicity of having everything firmly put together and a general direction for my life. I have to get myself through school and with with as few blemishes as possible so I can get into and attend med school. People need my help, or so at least I feel this way. Ok, just a short one for tonight kids...but I will try better tomorrow :-)

1) I am incapable of lying to people, with the following exceptions. I can lie within the confines of a game, while I am working to garner more tips or while I am working to avoid your advances.

2) I can exhibit my emotions, but don't mistake that for weakness. I know the source of my emotions, I know how to keep them under control & I know how to set them aside when required by debate.

3) I never trust what a person flaunts. I have learned the more someone says that "A" is true about them the less likely it really is true about them. But, does that defeat my "Factoid #1"? I'll leave that for you to puzzle out.

4) I will not try to change a person. That is something that can only be done through time, experience or catastrophe. And I don't want to be the cause of the latter.

5) I have a low threshold for stupidity, cattiness, hatred, dishonesty, disloyalty & unnecessary provocation. People that exhibit these traits as a norm, really need to rethink how they are living.

6) I love music. I hate noise.

7) I sometimes have the patience of a 2 year old. I just mask it well.

8) I don't like to make advanced plans (unless it is for a big trip or event), because I never know if it is what I really want to be doing at that time.

9) I think that good debate is needed and healthy. I can not be allowed to run amuck with my opinion unchallenged, because I will and I can be a complete boob while doing so.

ARGH!--yes, an interjection fits my feelings well. I don't know where I am going to live come April 30th. I don't know when I am going to start school. I don't know if I should be looking for jobs for now or if I need to hold off for something in May.

I have a lot of questions and very little answers. Very frustrating. At least I have gotten past the depression aspect of this frustration and can feel more productive. But, to what end do I produce. Do I pack up everything, move to Salisbury even if it is to live alone? For the benefit of going to school sooner than later or do I take the risk of staying here with the hope of bartending in the near future, pick up a steady income and start school when I feel like I can afford it.

I do know that I have to do something and I hope that everything will sort itself out when I travel to Salisbury next Monday. I am not totally confident that it will, however.

So, I wanted to start a blog to inspire debate and friendly interactions on an intellectual level. The problem that came along was I have lost a certain creative flare for writing that I have always had. I have no idea where it went or why, just that writing feels forced now, whereas before it was just an easy flow from my mind to my fingers. Even now, it is taking a lot of thinking for me to have anything to add to this.

This is hard for me to deal with as this was always one of my easiest outlets for my thoughts and energy. Is it because I have someone that does debate ideas with me? Have I finally come to the conclusion of my original thoughts? I don't know if either or both are true, but perhaps in time I can gather some more insight and get past this lull.

Any ideas on how to get past this "block?" Anything that someone may have used in the past?

About Me

Me: I am simple. Not to say that I am uninteresting, I just am not unnecessarily complicated.
I like people who start a conversation with something other than "What do you do?" Ask better questions: Why? What if? How?
Don't tell me what you do. Tell me what you know, why you know it and how that has impacted you. Tell me about things from your past that have shaped the person that you have become. Tell me that you are happy with yourself and why. But, please don't define yourself or me by the jobs that we undertake. Then tell me that you are good with questioning your assumptions.
I enjoy good conversation with good people. People who exhibit kindness as a default, instead of criticism and anger.
I smile a lot. I enjoy laughter. I write for fun. I sing often. I prefer a hug as a standard greeting. I look at things from the outside.I am empathic & empathetic. I am direct. I love uncontrollably. I don't appreciate being over-whelmed by absurdity.