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Saving money and the Way Ahead

In an effort to improve our military and reduce overall costs, the following “best practices” from the last decade are recommended:

- Replace all communications systems with cell phones. The bad guys routinely informed hundreds of other bad guys of our approach within seconds of us leaving the gate. Screw the Harris radio….go with Roshan!

- Adjust weapons acquisition to emphasize the development of low-cost, multiple grades of IEDs, sized in Sm/ Med/ Lg/ OMG. If these things could keep a high-tech force cooped up in rolling armored boxes or on large FOBs, we should do the same and keep them cooped up in their ubiquitous mud-brick huts.

- Expand the ongoing program of equipping our local police forces with MRAPs…..and throw in the occasional Ford F350 mounted with a .50 cal HMG. We can reduce the size of the Army and Marine Corps and deploy local cops armed with vehicles and weapons completely unsuited for law enforcement but great for war!

- In order to mitigate anymore Edward Snowden’s which can jeopardize future military operations, do away with all orders (WARNO/ OPORD/ FRAGO/ CONOP) in favor of hoarding information and informing units of missions 5 minutes before execution. This can be enhanced with vague & nebulous answers to questions regarding who you work for, what your purpose is, etc, etc……less paper, less emails, less computer BS, & more information security.

- Reduce the willingness of bad guys to engage the US by adopting the “death-blossom” method of responding to enemy attacks…..very effective with nuclear missiles if a bit over-the-top.

- Minimize and/ or eliminate maintenance on vehicles, weapons, etc. Use until they stop. Talk about a cost-savings there!

- For no reason in particular, replace coffee with chai.

- All personnel must have a mustache and/ or beard. Not only do our new friends wear these but our SOF bubbas wear them as well….and if the Black Beret was good enough to steal from the Rangers, then so is the concept of facial hair while in uniform (this may not be popular with our female troops).

- Ensure all commanders and staff officers have a door-bell ringer on their desk since a “runner” seems to be a more effective method of communications than email.