“Boy, you actin’ so corny like Fritos,” is a sentence that the great Mariah Carey sings in her latest single “Infinity.” Do you think Mariah even eats Fritos or is she more of a Doritos type of girl? These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me up at night. Mimi put on her chef’s hat for a Funny or Die skit called “Cooking with Mariah,” where she makes Frito pie that looks nothing like the ones I used to get at my high school’s carnival. Those were basically just chili and cheese dumped into a bag of delicious corn chips. As Mariah massages lettuce, M&Ms and a glass of sangria into the Fritos while wearing latex gloves and a diamond butterfly ring, she remembers an old Italian lover named Frito who stole her car.

Mariah’s Frito pie reminds me of the recipe that Elvira made on Mistress of the Dark which caused all the stuffy townspeople to become super horny. We don’t get to see if it has the same effect because director Brett Ratner, who makes an appearance to sample the dish, ends up spitting it out. If there ends up being future installments of “Cooking with Mariah,” I hope she uses a George Foreman grill to create some culinary masterpieces in honor of the lyrics to her song “Obsessed” where she sings, “Why you so obsessed with me? He’s all up in George Foreman.”

Miley Cyrus is launching an organization called the Happy Hippie Foundation that will help benefit homeless and LGBT youth. She has also revealed that her past romantic relationships were not all “straight, heterosexual” ones. The singer also said, “When you have all eyes on you, what are you saying? And that’s what I had to ask myself a lot. It’s like, I know you’re going to look at me more if my (breasts) are out, so look at me. And then I’m going to tell you about my foundation for an hour and totally hustle you.” Proceeds from the foundation will help create digital support groups for LGBT youth and their families.

In other child star news, remember Kevin Jonas? The other Jonas brother? He wants us to know that he is NOT jealous of his brother Nick, who’s recently had success as a solo artist and has big ol’ muscles. Jonas said, “I don’t know how many times I literally hear this. It’s the worst pun in the world from some idiotic frat guy. It’s like, ‘You must be ‘Jealous’ of Nick!’ … Constantly! It’s like, why? He’s doing his thing. I’m doing mine! He’s happy. I’m happy.” Hear that, everyone? Please leave Kevin Jonas alone.