Victoria Jackson, Allen West Still Suffering From Wingnut Vocabulary Disorder

Hey, lissen up, guys, Michele Bachmann is being THREATENED and we need to PROTECT her! Darn it, no matter how much we disagree with someone, we certainly don’t want them to be threatened… So tell us more about these threats, former weakest member of the 1986-1992 SNL cast Victoria Jackson, on your sloppily formatted webpage:

Sign this petition to keep Michele Bachmann in Congress.

Ann Marie Murrell writes, “What’s the point of having a gov’t committee that tries to root out things like Islam in America if you’re not allowed to say, “They’re here!” without being threatened?

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has been one of the few American politicians who’s dared question our dealings with Islam worldwide. Instead of applauding her, people like John McCain denigrated and ridiculed her for speaking out. NOW, a radical group has given Speaker Boehner a petition with 178,000 signatures demanding the removal of Congresswoman Bachmann from the House Permanent Select Committee. Rep. Bachmann has been one of the only truth tellers on the committee–so what are they covering up now??

Such were the gentle murmurs of Ms. Jackson. How can one woman pack so much stupid into just 121 words?

Victoria, dear, a “threat” is when someone says they are going to cause someone else harm. A “petition” is a request for someone in government to do something. It’s actually right there in that Constitution thing that you and your Tea Party pals are constantly E Plebnista-ing about. So unless this radical group is petitioning John Boehner to shoot Michele Bachmann in the face like a common quail-hunting lawyer, it is not a “threat.” You know, like your link to a dumb counter-petition at David Horowitz’s blog. For that matter, the verb you want is “support,” not “protect.”

And while you’re at it, the petition is not asking to remove Bachmann from Congress, it’s asking to remove her from a committee. Those are different things. The group that ran the petition is People For The American Way, which is not “radical.” And while you are simply following Teabaggar Grammar and using all-caps for emphasis there, it also makes it look like you’re saying that the National Organization for Women circulated the petition.

Finally, while a petition is not especially radical OR threatening, we would suggest that wanting to “root out Islam in America” probably does fit both definitions. Say, you know who else wanted to “root out” an entire religious group from his country? The exact phrase was “Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten.”

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single wingnut in possession of a small factoid must be in want of a conspiracy. As several responses pointed out, poor Mr. West probably lost his Congressional seat because he kept saying dumb stuff, not because mean ol’ Progressives tried to silence him. But sure, if he thinks that having a bunch of Facebook friends means he really truly won, then he is welcome to think so.

Say, you know who else was convinced he was winning, even after he lost?

About the author

Doktor Zoom Is the pseudonym of Marty Kelley, who lives in Boise, Idaho. He acquired his nym from a fan of Silver-Age comics after being differently punctual to too many meetings. He is not a medical doctor, although he has a real PhD (in Rhetoric and Composition).