Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Owning Your Greatness

I’m delighted to have Brad Yatesas my guest today. I’ve posted several of his Tapping (EFT—Emotional Freedom Technique) videos that he has on YouTube. While we’ve never met, I feel like he’s my friend as I watch his videos so often. Brad is trained in energy psychology and is an expert in Tapping. The hundreds of FREE videoshe puts out cover almost every issue you could possibly need help with. Doing Tapping has significantly changed my life and Brad’s videos are my favorites! He also offers all sorts of wonderful programs for making positive progress in many areas of your life.

Perhaps, at some point in your life, you’ve expressed a desire for something more than what you already had, and were met with the harshly intoned question: “Just who do you think you are…?!?” The underlying message was likely that you must be mistaking yourself for something better than you were. While it is unfortunate that they felt compelled to do this, one thing is certain… they were the ones who were mistaken about you.

As a matter of fact, chances are pretty good that, like so many folks, your esteem of yourself was actually less than what you are truly worthy of. And may still be so. Maybe it’s time to change your mind about yourself.

“I am” are two of the most powerful words there are – be very careful about what you attach to them.

Unfortunately, too many of us define who we are by what we do and what we have. But your circumstances and actions don’t accurately define you. Rather, your circumstances and actions are the result of how you’ve been identifying yourself. A bird doesn’t wait until it can fly to know that it is a bird… it learns to fly because it knows it is a bird. Okay… so… birds probably don’t have that kind of conscious self-awareness. “Bird-brain” isn’t exactly a term that denotes intelligence, but I think you get what I mean. But, even though the innate ability to fly is in there, a bird isn’t likely to fly if it thinks it is a fish.

Then you get the auk, which flies AND swims… but let me get back to the point. Being leads to doing which leads to having—not the other way around. Most of us can think of things we’d like to see change in our lives, improvements we’d like to make. But in order to get different results, we need to do different things, or, in some cases, do things differently.

As they say, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.”

But let’s face it. Trying to change what you do without changing how you see yourself is difficult, if not impossible. 80-90% of our behavior is unconscious. If you are not seeing yourself as successful, you will not naturally take successful action. You can try to consciously compel yourself to do something not congruent with your self-identity… but only 10-20% of the time. Then you’ll go back to your old ways of thinking and feeling, which lead to your old actions, which lead to the same old results. Perhaps you know what I’m talking about…?

Whether it’s exercising, making sales calls, managing your finances… if it doesn’t fit who you think you are, if it is something you hate doing but feel you have to, it will always be a chore—if it gets done at all. You will never outperform your self-image. So… maybe it’s time to see yourself as someone who can be—and thus do and have—what you really want!

When you authentically see yourself as capable of and deserving of success, successful actions feel like “want to’s” rather than “have to’s.” And you will find yourself naturally taking them! What you currently have is indicative of how you are currently seeing yourself. If the gap between what you have and what you want is uncomfortable, you basically have three choices:

One: Keep suffering. This is the option too many people chose, albeit usually unconsciously.

Two: Change your desires to match what you are already experiencing. While I can appreciate the wisdom of the statement, “It’s not about having what you want, but about wanting what you have,” there’s the danger that this can be used to justify not only having less than you could have but also being less than you could be, and thus giving the world less than you have to offer.

OR

Three: You can decide you can be, do and have more. You can transform what you see showing up in your life – personally and professionally – by transforming what you see in yourself.

Too many people resign themselves to the notion that it isn’t their decision, stating, “That’s just the way I am.” Nonsense! I can’t argue that all opportunities are as readily available to all people. Some folks start out with some definite advantages. But I’m convinced that the resources to live your best life possible are inside you – no matter where you came from.

And there are plenty of folks who have succeeded in spite of seemingly overwhelming obstacles. The truth is, you have a natural tendency towards success. It’s in there. As Mufasta tells Simba in the Lion King: “You are more than what you have become.” But you can’t wait until you see it before believing it. You will see it when you believe it. And you can learn to believe it (just as you’ve learned to doubt it).

Part of you may be saying at this point, “I can’t see myself as successful. There’s too much evidence to the contrary!”

Evidence-schmevidence! I’ll say it again: Whether you are looking at the numbers in your bank account, or the numbers on your bathroom scale, your circumstances don’t define you – your circumstances have been created by how you’ve been (often mistakenly) defining yourself. I think it’s time for you to start thinking more highly of yourself. But admittedly that’s somewhat selfish on my part. I’m confident that you defining yourself more favorably will not only benefit you, but rest of us as well.

So, start doing what you can to cultivate a very positive self identity, so that when someone asks, “Just who do you think you are?” you smile confidently to yourself, and then go out and make wonderful things happen. In the immortal words of John Lennon:

“Who on earth d’you think you are?
A superstar? Well right you are!”

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Check out Brad Yates and all the resources he offers. You can sign up for him free newsletter on his site.
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About Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Welcome to my self-empowerment blog. I used to be a wimp and never got taken seriously. When I became one of the first women to start a record label, I learned to navigate the male dominated music industry and earned respect, without raising my voice or getting overtly tough. I transferred those skills into all areas of life and now get what I want from most people. I'll share those lessons here by talking about my observations of situations and habits that hold both men and women back from being as empowered as possible. I'll also give tips for more effective communication, handling yourself with more confidence, and in general, how to come across as more serious--whether it's at work, dealing with an annoying phone company, your mother, a romantic partner and anyone else you want to feel more in control with. Everybody can use more tools for taking control of their lives, like in my latest book, Nice Girls Can Finish First.