Tina Fey Knows the Real Reason Hillary Clinton Lost the Election

Tina Fey, ever the multitasker, managed to sneak a few jabs in at President-Elect Donald Trump while accepting an award on Wednesday. During the comedian’s thank-you speech for The Hollywood Reporter's Sherry Lansing Award, Fey acknowledged her close friends, like fellow comedy stars Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph, by noting they're all “a little less thirsty” than they were in their early days. “We’re adults now, and I think we’re really starting to ask ourselves, 'What’s next for me? What is my role in this business going to be once nobody wants to grab me by the pussy anymore?’ ”

The Trump joke comes right on the heels of Fey's new T.H.R. cover story, in which she and David Letterman grumbled about the recent election and slammed the businessman turned politician’s behavior. “In a world where the president makes fun of handicapped people and fat people, how do we proceed with dignity?” she asked.

The comedian couldn’t help but talk about the election during her speech as well. Mainly, Fey said that she thinks she knows the real reason Hillary Clinton lost to Trump: not enough celebrity-filled music-video P.S.A.s. Also, she’d rather not have this speech covered by Breitbart, because she's got an even better story for them. Here's how she explains it:

“I promised myself I wouldn’t get up here today and talk about the
election, because when I get written up in Breitbart, I want it to be
because they’re mad that I’m making an all-female Hitler biopic. But I
have to say, I think the real reason that Hillary lost—and it’s the
thing that people are afraid to talk about: not enough celebrity music
videos urging people to vote . . . I just think if there had been,
like, one more funny rap, or like, another Hamilton parody, or
something. Just like a little more hustle from Liz
Banks, and we coulda
taken Michigan.

I bring it up, actually, because the structure of those celebrity ‘get
out the vote’ videos always brings me joy, because you start first
with the dedicated people who agreed to show up for, like, a full
weekend at the studio and then, like, record the whole thing and film
it, and then by the second verse you get the people who agreed to
participate, from, like, the steps of their trailer. Looking at you,
Jane Lynch. And then it always just ends with Patti LuPone singing one line from her basement into a phone. And I feel like
that's the career trajectory we all want, right? We’re all just
punching the clock until we can be basement LuPones.”

Since the event was part of T.H.R.'s Women in Entertainment Power 100 breakfast event, Fey also got in a few timely references about what it means to be a powerful women in the industry, and what kind of power she wants to have.

“Whether it’s writing a pilot for a bad actor, or the butter scene in Last Tango in Paris, or telling Roger Ailes to put his hamburger meat back in the freezer, feeling like you can say 'no' without any negative repercussions is an important kind of power," she said, per T.H.R.. “And it’s one that we can help each other have—by believing and supporting each other.”

Here's a transcript below, provided by T.H.R., of the majority of Fey's lengthy speech:

I have been thinking over the last month, how can we
proceed with dignity in these increasingly ugly times. And it occurred
to me that Sherry [Lansing] is the perfect role model. Talk about someone who
remained graceful and effective in what must have been an incredibly
misogynistic environment. She’s too refined to ever say, but you know
Sherry Lansing has witnessed some nonsense and encountered some
behavior. Things that the young people today would call ‘triggering.’
And yet she was able to flourish and lead, with all her humanity and
femaleness intact. Maybe we can all make that our mantra over the next
four years. ‘What Would Sherry Lansing Do?’ [To Stephen Galloway,
THR executive editor] When does your book come out, Stephen? I need to know how Sherry did all this?

And you know, I promised myself I wouldn’t get up here today and talk about the election,
because when I get written up in Breitbart, I want it to be because
they’re mad that I’m making an all-female Hitler biopic. But I have to
say, I think the real reason that Hillary lost—and it’s the thing that
people are afraid to talk about: not enough celebrity music videos
urging people to vote . . . I just think if there had been, like, one
more funny rap, or like, another Hamilton parody, or something. Just
like a little more hustle from Liz Banks, and we coulda taken
Michigan.

I bring it up, actually, because the structure of those celebrity ‘get out the vote’ videos always brings me joy, because you
start first with the dedicated people who agreed to show up for, like,
a full weekend at the studio and then, like, record the whole thing
and film it, and then by the second verse you get the people who
agreed to participate, from, like, the steps of their trailer. Looking
at you, Jane Lynch. And then it always just ends with Patti LuPone
singing one line from her basement into a phone. And I feel like
that's the career trajectory we all want, right? We’re all just
punching the clock until we can be basement LuPones.

I’ve been trying to think of what it means to me to be a Woman in
Hollywood. What my experience has been. And I think it’s been pretty
positive. I’ve worked with a lot of very evolved men—Lorne
Michaels, Robert Carlock, my husband Jeff Richmond. I’ve
always been treated like a valued peer in the writers’ room. And I
think I’ve had a pretty solid acting career so far for someone who is
‘PBS pretty’ and is not shootable from behind. But I’m not immune to
the pressure to look better. I was at a lovely fancy dermatologist
office recently. One I’m sure many of you have been to. And I asked
the facialist, I said Suzanne, what’s the best non-invasive way to
tighten your face? And she said in her sort of French Canadian lilt,
‘Well I think that would be the Ulthera’ — Raise your hand if you’ve
had Ulthera — and I said, yes I’ve heard of that Suzanne. I’ve heard
of Ulthera. Have you tried it, Suzanne? And she said, yes, I have —
I’m changing her name to Suzanne for the sake of anonymity. Her name
is really Elena — I said, I hear the Ulthera really hurts, though,
Suzanne. Does it hurt? And Suzanne said, ‘well, you know, it sort of
feels like you’re being stabbed and electrocuted at the same
time?’ Stabbed and electrocuted at the same time.

And the moral of the story is, I’m still considering it, guys! And
that’s what it means to be a Woman in Hollywood. And then I tried to
think about what it means to be ‘powerful.’ And am I a ‘powerful
woman?’ And I think having power means knowing you will be heard. Not
necessarily obeyed, but heard. It’s knowing that you won’t literally
be shouted down during the conversation. I have a little bit of that
power. I can get Bob Greenblatt or Donna Langley on the phone within .
. . forty-eight hours? But can I get my five year old to answer me
when Teen Titans Go is on? No, I cannot . . . I think power is
having a job where you’re allowed to go to the restroom whenever you
want. ‘Cause I’ve had ones where you can’t and I will never go back.

Power is having proven yourself enough, that people say ‘yes’ to you
when they maybe don’t want to. When we pitched NBC a comedy show about
a woman who was kidnapped at thirteen and held captive for fifteen
years, NBC didn’t want that show! But they had to say yes ‘cause they
were already paying me. And now that show is in its third
season. Somewhere else. And maybe even more important than getting a
‘yes,’ I think power is having the freedom to say ‘no’ to something
you don’t want to do. Whether it’s writing a pilot for a bad actor, or
the butter scene in Last Tango in Paris, or telling Roger Ailes
to put his hamburger meat back in the freezer — Feeling like you can
say no without any negative repercussions is an important kind of
power. And it’s one that we can help each other have. By believing
and supporting each other.

I am lucky enough to have a great support system. My husband Jeff
Richmond whom I have now officially mentioned twice. My wife Amanda
Peet. Remember when the Game of Thrones guy kept doing that at the
Emmys? I enjoyed that. My friends. I talk to my SNL lady friends
every day — Amy [Poehler], Maya [Rudolph], Rachel [Dratch], Ana [Gasteyer], Paula [Pell], Emily [Spivey]
— we talk every day by text and it is such an incredible support system to have. You may
notice that I didn’t invite any of them here today. That’s how much
I love them. Because asking comedy ladies to get up and put on a
dress at eight in the morning — they would genuinely be happier if I
pooped on their lawn. But as we all talk every day, what I’m
observing is we’re all a little less 'thirsty' than we used to be. We
love to work and to do good work. But we don’t need approval in the same way.

We’re adults now and we know who we are and what we’re good
at, and I think we’re really starting to ask ourselves, ‘What’s next
for me? What is my role in this business gonna be once nobody wants to
grab me by the pussy anymore?’ And there’s a lot of reassurance that
everyone’s pussy is still very grabbable. And there’s a little bit of
loose talk of giving it all up and making pottery, but I know these
women and what I think we will see will be some producing and some
directing and mentoring of young talent, and maybe, if we’re lucky, a
really successful Golden Girls reboot with all of us.

What are my goals as a ‘Powerful Woman in Hollywood?’ I want to keep making
things. I want to keep telling stories, mostly about women and girls.
I want to work with my friends whenever possible. I would like to
work less. I’m not gonna lie, guys, my dream is to work three twelve
hour days in the middle of the week and go to two award shows a year
for the free vacation. I would like to talk less. I imagine you would
like that too at this point. My goal is to be like Beyoncé and
never do interviews anymore. People ask me the same questions a
lot. They ask me, ‘What do you say to people who say ‘women aren’t
funny?’’ To which I say, it’s time to stop talking about that, and
start talking about how black people are funnier than white people.

They ask me, ‘What advice do you have for young women?’ And I say,
‘Don’t smoke. Wear a bra. Trust your instincts. Don’t date John
Mayer. They ask me, ‘How do you balance work and family?’ And I say,
‘on your mom’s back, that’s how.’ They ask me if I’m proud of Amy
Schumer and I say, ‘Yes, I’m very proud of Amy Schumer.’ And I
hope today she is proud of me. Thank you for this honor, now everyone
get to the office. There’s work to do.