It’s been 10 months since I ended my marriage. Biggest, hardest decision of my life. Since then, it’s been a loooong road toward recovery. Not that I’m completely recovered – I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely recovered. But I’ve come a long way. Over the past year I’ve learned so much about myself, so much about what I want/need, so much about relationships in general. I learned there’s a lot I didn’t know before I got married…

Also in the last few months, I’ve become the go-to person for all of my friends who have found themselves in similar situations: some divorces, some just regular break ups. Either way, breakups SUCK. Even when you know it’s the right thing to do, it’s still excruciatingly painful to end something you thought was not only going to work, but was going to last forever. I haven’t minded being the one people call on for advice in dealing and healing with their losses. It’s actually helped me in mine.

I don’t have an easy time talking to people when I’m hurt so I tend to hold things in and process slowly, on my own. I didn’t talk about my situation with very many people, but that’s how I roll. When I think it through, on my own time, I get my answer. When I’m ready, I’ll move on.

So for anybody that’s just split (or may be facing a breakup soon),here’s what I’ve learned thus far.

Hope it helps.

*You can’t help the way you feel. You can’t change what you feel… no matter how much you might try.

* You can’t help the way your partner feels. You can’t change them… no matter how much you might try.

*Don’t apologize for the way you feel. (Don’t be an asshole about it, but don’t apologize.)

* You have to do what’s best for you. You can attempt to please everybody else and put yourself on the back burner, but eventually it’ll catch up to you and you’ll have to deal with it then. Be true to yourself now.

* Be patient. You don’t have to figure out everything overnight. (This has been the hardest part for me.)

* Just because you two didn’t work as a couple doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Or them.

* Don’t try to “remain friends” right away. There’s a lot that needs to be dealt with, internally, on both sides. Give that process time. There’s always the future to catch back up, but let the healing happen.

i won’t go into any details, but my marriage to Conrad is over. he moved back to CA a couple weeks ago and i’m in the process of moving myself and Tango in with a girlfriend… so things are a little hard at the moment. my relationship with him was a wonderful time in my life and i’ll forever be grateful to have spent that time with him. i love him. i will miss him and his family (more than they know). but we will both be ok.

trying to figure out whether to post about this was difficult. it’s nobody’s business but ours, but i figure I may be discussing moving, my future roommate, and life after divorce, so this might clear things up a bit… and perhaps offer guidance to anybody that might be going through the same thing. if any of you feel like you want to chat with somebody, i’m here.

So I finished Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert on the plane this past weekend and LOVED it. Everybody that’s been married, getting married, or thinking that maybe, one day, they’ll be married should read this book.

Side note – If you’re about to get married, like in the next couple days or so, don’t start reading it unless you’re sure you can finish it before the Big Day. Some parts can make you freak for a second, but you’ve gotta finish the whole thing to get it.

Anywho, this book is kind of like the sequel to Eat ,Pray, Love. If you haven’t read that, you can still pick this up, no problem. But you kind of appreciate her story more if you know what she went through prior to getting to this place in her life.

As somebody who never saw myself actually getting married, I identified A LOT with the author of this book. There are a ton of things you have come to peace with in order to get married, or at least I did… Especially when you’re super independent. And partially just very stubborn and used to running your life without interruption. Oh, I always love fairy-tale romances and could watch chick-flicks every day of my life, but the real thought of getting married just never seemed to be one of those things I actually thought would happen. But I’m VERY happy with my hubs and VERY glad I’m married now.

So now that it’s getting colder out, grab a blanket and get cozy with this guy (the book, I mean). This is a quick read and sure to make you laugh. And maybe cry a little bit at the end… if you’re a sap like me.