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I started wearing red lipstick when I dyed my hair black last year and pink lipstick looked too slutty on me.

See? Trashy vs. Classy! (NB: if trashy is you’re thing, more power to you! That’s a look in itself.)

A red lip must be worn with a purpose. You’re communicating to the world that you are responsible enough to care and maintaint this perfect, red pout and are therefore confident, classy, put together and a paragon of virture. Yes, that is the power of a red lip. This is because the red lip is as high maintenence as fuck. You can’t just slap it on sans mirror at 7pm and expect it to look the same or okaish at midnight. No, No, No. Like everything else French, the red lip must be cultivated with care. The application must be precise and the re-application timely. Red is so pigmented the colour will never disappear, but it will look patchy and faded. You must have the discipline to stay away from most food and drink (maybz that’s why the French are so skinny?).

My all-time favourite red lipstick is MAC’s Ruby Woo . It’s a classic shade that looks good with EVERYONE and has amazing staying power. It’s completely matte. I’ve tried drugstore one’s from Revlon and they slide off my lip way faster. I always use it with with MAC Cherry lipliner. Lipliner is a must for a red lip or else it will bleed all over your face and people will be concerned you’re bleeding from your mouth.

Where its appropriate to wear a red lip:

Strolling down the streets of Paris

In a bio-pic of a 1940s film star

A black-tie event/grown-ass party

When you’re not wearing any makeup

When you’re DELIBERATELY wearing a shit-ton of eye makeup

After a breakup. A great alternative to bangs!

Where it is inappropriate to wear a red lip:

A date. A red lip can be a man-repeller. They just don’t get it! Also, if you end up making out, you don’t want to get it all over his collar and face now, do you?

When trying to seduce a man. In that case, a pale pink glossy lip will always win.

8 a.m class

A job interview, uness you’re a makeup artist or a clown.

When you’re binge eating. Pointless.

Out at ‘da club. All that drinking and screaming will make it shmear all over your face.