Thursday, September 17, 2015

eViL G's Weekly Picks - September 19th

These uniforms were YOUR idea Taylor? MOTHERF#$%&@!!!

Greetings
people.

I considered taking another week off, resting up so I’m 100% healthy and ready
for Tennessee week. Outside of Hate Week it’s the busiest weekend around here,
so I can’t let down the good people at Volnation.com and GoVolsExtra.com.
That’s their football team’s job.

There’s
just too much ammunition to work with this week. I don’t know where to start.

For
the record, I wasn’t offended by Jim McElwain’s Hate Week inspired tirade over
Kelvin Taylor’s unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. After all it was UF’s second
personal foul following a touchdown that night. Coach Mac was justified for
going off, even if his delivery was a tad over the top. I doubt you’ll see
another excessive celebration penalty from UF this season.

I
maintain the referee misinterpreted Taylor's gesture, which was simply Kelvin's
way of saying "all this orange makes me want to slit my throat."
Makes perfect sense right? In defense of Taylor and Joey Ivie (who got flagged
for UF's first excessive celebration penalty), our football team isn’t used to
scoring touchdowns.

That's
all I got...the Chiefs-Broncos game just ended and I'm getting sleepy.

PICKS!!!

Florida State at Boston College

UF
alum Marco Rubio made waves this week, essentially calling FSU the Plan B
university of choice for high school seniors lacking the academic credentials
to get into Florida. Obviously Senator Rubio hasn’t visited UCF’s campus
lately, the student dorms look like a Disney resort. Ditto for UNF in
Jacksonville. UNF has a gotdamned lazy river ON CAMPUS. We had to drive 35
minutes to Lake Itchetucknee to go tubing. USF is next door to Busch
Gardens…wildlife, roller coasters AND beer samples. Depending on your major,
FSU might be Plan E. Next thing you know they’ll start scheduling football
games on Friday night…wait, what?Noles-27Eagles-20

Auburn at LSU

With
apologies to LSU super fan Nall Gearheard up in Atlanta, this game slipped
under my radar. Sorry Nall. Jacksonville State exposed Auburn as national title
contending frauds, which pleases me greatly because F Muschamp. Auburn QB
Jeremy Johnson has been hereby dubbed “Black Driskel” based on his knack for
completing passes to the wrong team, seemingly on purpose. Meanwhile LSU looks
like an upgraded version of Georgia. Fournette is slightly better than Chubb
(both are studs), LSU’s no-name QB is more talented than UGA’s nameless,
faceless QB. LSU’s defense is stacked as usual. LSU needs to start off strong,
because their schedule is backloaded and brutal. Given how Auburn’s playing LSU
should roll.

Geaux Tigahz – 31

F Muschamp – 14

South Carolina at Georgia

The
Gamecocks look like ass, losing at home to Kentucky, and barely squeaking by
North Carolina. UGA looks as one-dimensional as those Vince Dooley-Herschel
Walker teams from the early 80s, minus any national championship aspirations
whatsoever. Both QBs are garbage. Spurrier looks like he's ready for a Farewell
Tour. Why am I wasting my time picking this game? F both of these teams...

Ole Miss at Alabama

Now
THIS is what I'm talking about. Ole Miss looks like a Spurrier-led UF squad
from the mid-90s, laying beat downs on opponents like Carly Fiorina bitch
slapping Donald Trump a couple nights ago. Bama looks, well, boring. Their QB
situation is worse this year than last, and Amari Cooper isn't around to bail
them out. This Bama squad looks like those 1990s Gene Stallings-coached teams
Spurrier used to get the best of...great defense, but outside of a single stud
tailback, not much in the way of game breakers. Ole Miss looks like the better
team, much better in fact.

Rebels
– 38

Tide
- 21

...and finally

Florida at Kentucky

The
last time Kentucky beat Florida, eViLG was a 17 year-old UF freshman living on
campus in Simpson Hall. Our games weren’t televised due to UF being on
probation for doing the same shit Alabama’s done for decades. Back then ESPN
and CBS didn’t pay conferences billions of dollars to air football games, and
as a result the NCAA doled out sanctions a bit differently. I think a group of
us went tubing at Lake Itchetucknee that day, but I’m not sure.It was 29 years
ago.

Coach
Mac named Will Grier the starting QB Saturday night, to which Gator Nation
collectively said, “Well, duh.”Nothing
against Treon Harris, but anyone paying attention can see Grier is the long
term answer.He has a stronger arm and
reads defenses better.I’m very bullish
on Grier, hopefully he proves me right.

As
for Saturday night, I always expect to beat Kentucky, regardless of how bad we
appear to be or how great they appear to be. This year is no different.

My
first and only trip to Lexington was 2007, when UF won its 21st
straight over Kentucky.Our winning
streak was finally old enough to legally drink.

Fast
forward to 2015…our winning streak graduated college, got married 3 years ago
and is expecting its first child in February. It’s also put on about 20 pounds
since getting married, and it may or may not have a profile on Ashley Madison.

3 comments:

Guys, no reference to the Auburn LSU game? Come on, the SEC East can't hold the West's jock. Who cares about USC, UK, TN, GA, and UF? They have sucked for a decade. Go West young men, uhhh, I mean old timers. Your day is done, long gone. Go West.

Thank you. Like your analysis. Of course, the Hat and Cam Cameron can screw up a wet dream, so we'll see. I like our chances, but it is going to be hard fought. Hey, have a great weekend of SEC football. Go Tigers and Gators!