Hello Pussy

Last night I was standing on the train platform waiting for my train home in the subzero British weather and my phone rang. Before I had the chance to say hello… My ears witnessed an emotional torrent. It was Ruth, shrieking down the phone in an incensed manner, “He said Hello Pussy… can you believe it??? HELLO PUSSY!!!”

I had left her a few minutes previously and in this short space of time a random man took it upon himself to bestow upon her a “Hello Pussy” greeting. I mean can you call “Hello Pussy” a greeting? What kind of man greets a woman like this? Is this the greeting for unattainable pussy? Attainable pussy? And if neither then what kind? From his point of view what could be the possible responses from the woman?

a) “Hey! Hello Dick… how you doing?”

b) “Fuck You Dick!”

c) “You want this Pussy?”

d) “My name ain’t Pussy… you better watch what you say!”

e) A crazy stare

How does a man choose a woman to give this greeting to? Is it every woman that crosses his path, women picked at random with no special criteria or do certain women just look like they have special pussy? In fact maybe some women just look like their names are Pussy. Just like one can look like a Helen, Maria or Simone, perhaps one can look like a Pussy. Although I must say… I’ve never ever in my life met a woman called Pussy, or even Kitty for that matter.

It is my belief that this man had been thinking about Pussy. Perhaps he had just been in bed with his girlfriend and as things were heating up they got into a fight and he decided to leave the house. Maybe on his wonderings about he came across Ruth who resembled his wife somewhat and in his attempt to woo her with a polite and formal “hello” the “pussy” bit just slipped out.

I mean if you are going to address someone as Pussy why stick in the polite and formal hello? Why not just yell, “Yo Pussy” or even better “OI pussy” Hell! May as well even shorten the pussy to puss… “Oi puss-puss!” would be most appropriate. If you are going to offend someone, offend them properly don’t be half assed about it. I mean calling someone pussy is offensive isn’t it?

Sane women do not wish to be called pussy by random men do they? Or do they? Maybe this man is a product of his environment? Do some women like to be called offensive names in the street? Had he got a good response from others? Maybe a chick named Kitty dropped her panties in the street for him after being called Pussy? Maybe he was a man on a mission, a man scarred by being called Dick, Willy and Cock too many times? Maybe he was just getting his own back for all the times he had been treated like a piece of ass?