Little Shop of Horrors

For as much as I truly appreciate the beauty and benefits of the plant kingdom…I realize that I do NOT have the gift of caring for them.

(instead I possess the incredible talent of executing them)

I don’t care what I do, what I read, or what advice anyone gives me about taking care of plants…within a few months they inevitably pass on to their next life.

I once even somehow destroyed an air fern…I kid you not!

And lucky bamboo are extremely UN-lucky when they live in my house.

I seem to go along just fine with my plant care and then suddenly turn into the Little Shop of Horrors.

I either forget to water them or drown them.

I try pruning, toiling, plant vitamins, sunlight, indirect sunlight, even talking to them - and all my efforts end in death.

One of the most devastating plant losses of my life, was an adorable aloe plant that I named Oliver.

Now tell me? Have you ever heard of anyone losing an aloe plant? I mean, they can live on one drop of water for six months!! And you literally have to take a machete to them in order to end their life.

Oliver past away last year, and I still have him in the pot - I refuse to dispose of him.

(he now looks like a raisin)

He sits on my windowsill as a constant reminder of my heinous crimes.

Some people have a green thumb…however, mine is a deep BLACK.

I think I’ll just be content to sit back and enjoy the talent of other people’s ability to sustain beautiful plant life.

Such as my dear friend Diana, who lives in Florida. I mean, the woman can grow popsicle sticks! She has the most beautiful garden that literally takes your breath away. I call it, The Secret Garden - she truly has a remarkable talent.

(love ya, Kee-Kee)

So remember…if you should ever decide to get me something for a gift, I implore you to never even THINK of giving me a plant.

23 comments

Tsk tsk tska black thumb ? mommy dearest! no little green babies for you!Sorry, i have a glowing green thumb, I have plants that have sprung up from citrus seeds one of my spawn has spewed into pots , growing and green.memo to me memo to me,no plants for Ron, oh Mr. Glyphosate!so...what happens to cactus?

Wisepersoninmylife handed me a plant and told me when I could keep that alive for three years, let him know and THEN we'd talk about whether or not I was ready for some intimate relationship with a human being.

Yep.Plant murderer.....that's me. LOL

Funny enough......I DID keep a plant alive for three years AND I ended up in an intimate relationship.Married him. LOL

Oh, Nitebyrd....your comment made me laugh so freaking hard, because as you were telling me about your thumb being the "finger of death", I look up and see your "bunny avatar" holding a bloodly KNIFE!!!!

Damn...that's FUNNY!!!

Don't ever get rid of that avatar...it's too cute!

Hey...I also got a great laugh out of your "plant picture" suggestion! It's even BETTER than a silk!

Thanks for sharing your wonderful WIT, Nitebyrd...you started my day off with a great SMILE!

Not to be inappropriate in any way, but what you just said reminded me of something. Before getting married my spouse told me had a plant once (read: the only plant he ever had that was gifted to him and he couldn't be rude and refuse) - and this plant he told me he had named Lazarus. "...thinking that he will RISE from the dead." You are not alone! ;)

Me too, I am a plant killer. But yet people continue to ask me to care for their plants when they go away. WHY WHY WHY would they do that? Even after I carefully point out the dead plants that I threw on the back porch or the multiple FAKE plants that I have all over my house, they still insist upon trusting me to care for their plants. Last summer I had to care for my neighbors plants for 3 weeks while she drove across the country, most of them survived. I really did kill her tomato plants and I have no idea how?? Now I have to care for my mother in laws since she is in Florida until April. We'll see how that goes.

And you're right...why are WE always the ones that are asked by others to care for their plants???

This place where volunteer at once a week on Tuesdays, ALWAYS gives ME the job of watering all the plants in the building. Everytime they do this I say, "Are you SURE you want ME to be the one to do this???" And the whole time I'm watering them, I'm so paranoid that just being NEAR them...will somehow make them croak over and die!!!

OY VEY!

Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your wonderful story. I'm finding out through this post that I'm not the ONLY one with this CURSE!

Ron darling...god love you. My sister-in-law is the same way..she tried the bamboo and cactus too. There must be one in every family. She is an excellent cook so I hope she stays in the family (our family struggles with marriages like you do plants..hee, hee)!

I do have a green thumb..I am like my Granddaddy..he could put a dead stick in the ground and something would sprout. That is a curse too though..because I can't let anything die..needless to say I have very informal gardens. In time I hope to have grape vineyards I can make my own wine! :) Like you I just discovered my love for wine on a trip to Italy a couple of years ago. Oops! Not sure how I got off on wine again. :OGood energy to you!

You, my friend are too funny. Your black thumb made smile and when you said you could not get the aloe to live made me tell the story to all who would listen. I am sure that there is something in your house you can aid in surviving; perhaps dust.Thanks for the smiles and the energy of a good tale.Time for me to germinate.

Yes!!!! THANK YOU...I CAN grow DUST...fast than you can say..."plant muderer." Living in a city, the dust grows like a WEEDS. I will usually dust every week, and by the end of the second day...it's like I NEVER even did it!!!!

SO glad you enjoyed my little "plant tale"...and feel honored that you shared it with others!

Yep...I AM the ONE in our family that DO NOT get the gift! But I also don't have much of a talent for cooking either (and can you believe that my father was an OUTSTANDING cook, and my brother is a professional chief????)

I'm a WONDERFUL house cleaner though (especially bathrooms)

tee-hee!

It's SO fabulous that you have the "gift"...my friend that's a Capricorn is ALSO outstanding with plant life...and animals! Must be that EARTH in your sign!!!

Oh my, God...your going to try growing a VINEYARD??? How WONDERFUL!!! I want to put in an order for your FIRST crop! Hopefully it will be RED!?

It's always so GREAT talking and sharing with you, Gypsy-Heart...thank you for always leaving your GOOD ENERGY...you add much here!