Gove “We’re going to sack all the birds and the lefties”

Education Secretary Michael Gove has confirmed today that the removal of Baroness Morgan as chair of the education inspectorate for England is just the beginning of a new policy of sacking anyone who votes Labour and isn’t a bloke.

Speaking on the Andrew Marr show this morning, the Education Secretary assured voters that in future all senior public positions would continue to be appointed on merit alone, as long as they “didn’t vote Labour or wear a dress”

“I appointed Baroness Morgan myself. And now I’m sacking her. And that’s just the start of it. We’re going to work our way down the ladder until we get to lollipop ladies. They’re notorious for being birds and guiding children across the road in a socialist fashion.”

Allegedly under orders from Number 10, Mr Gove’s recent attempt to sack Harriet Harman as Deputy Leader of the Labour Party resulted in a show down on live television this morning, with Ms Harman arguing “You can’t sack me. You have nothing to do with the Labour party.”

Mr Gove then responded “You’ve done a great job Harriet. But you’re a bird and a lefty. So you’ve got to go.”

A spokesperson from the National Association of Lefty Birds told us “Number ten are absolutely right on this one. We’ve had a good innings but now lefty women account for 6% of Britains top jobs. It’s all gone too far and it’s time we left. That’s why I’ll be stepping aside myself to make way for a right wing bloke.”