I didn’t run as an entire cold front dumped itself on Milton Keynes, and, after a couple of weekends a go when I ran 10k in the pouring rain. It didn’t appeal to me.

This made me realise.. I’m not motivated to run.

At this moment in time I dread every training run. My “go out and see how things are” runs are ok, because i literally just go and see how it is. But training runs with distances and pacing… well they are turning me into a bit of a nervous wreck.

So I’m pulling out of my half marathon at the end of September.

I started running to challenge myself and i ended up enjoying it. Now if i’m not enjoying it I don’t want to do it or finish any distance i’m on, or anything that happens on a run completely phases me, and i’m ruined. Then I feel like a failure.

Why continue to train for something you aren’t looking forward too?

When I was training for Paris, I was really looking forward to it. Yes I was scared, Yes I was nervous, Yes I didn’t think I would make it, but I believed I could, and I enjoyed pushing myself. That’s just not there this time.

I’ll get it back I’m sure! But right now It can’t be on the table.

So, I guess that means I can throw myself in my next annual goal of losing 10lbs (Half the issue with the Half was that it wasn’t really on my ‘plan’.. ).

CORRECT!

I really like this idea of “a pin a day” as well, something little to push me through the next few weeks.

My weight on my motivation board got to 186 pounds, which means to reach my goal i need to get to 176.

I just weighed in today and i’m back up to 191 pounds 😦

I can’t lose motivation again…

10lbs to go! That’s what I have to focus on… so I guess I have two goals, the realistic 191 – 181, and the ideal of getting it down to 176.

So lets hope my pin a day helps with it!

Today i’ve pinned the best butt workout. I’m gonna lay my mat out on my landing and have a good time of it 🙂

Yesterday I managed pretty much everything on my list, except the milkshake… but we ordered cookies so that’s still fun 🙂

For today I got to have the final check on my wedding dress to make sure it still fitted and I still liked it.

I had my chief bridesmaid come with me, for an emotional reaction test, I knew she was excited to see what it looked like, and I had some bits and bobs I wanted to try with the dress.

I had bought my veil online from www.lightinthebox.com, more as a test than anything else, for not nearly the price that veils were being sold at in bridal shops! And I loved it. I would have to attach the beads on more securely, but that’s something to do in the week leading up to the wedding, and it was the perfect length for me!!

I also tried out the glorious bridal shoes I bought from Debenhams, with associated heel grips to stay on!

I seriously couldn’t love them more, as when I tried on the dress, try we’re the perfect height for my toe to just poke out the bottom of the dress as I stepped forward. Couldn’t have picked a better pair!

And my CB was also ending the right emotional signals, almost crying at how pretty and beautiful I looked. It’s not often I get to blow my own trumpet at such, but I think there is a requirement on your wedding day! And I loved how I looked. And it just felt amazing to wear.

Today was also the day Charlie got his groomsmen suits sorted. It’s all coming together now! 60 days 🙂 and we have just signed our contract for temporary accommodation here in Cheltenham before the big move to Milton Keynes.

Today has been a good day. An exciting day.

I’m regards to the tan lines comment in the title, I became very aware, just as the weather perked up enough for me to consider leaving my hoodie at home, that I had a strapless wedding dress. Where the only part of my skin visible would be my shoulders, arms and head. The bits that are very sensitive to THE TSHIRT TAN. Now, not to be dramatic, but I’m now doing a rain Dance. Every morning, after I clean my face.

I have wisely invested in some strapless tops to wear if I know the jumpers will be coming off, I also wear no bracelets.

The only tan line I don’t mind being visible now is the one my engagement ring will make when I have my wedding ring put on my finger, but I think that’s an ok one to have on your wedding day!

Well I’ve suddenly got the wedding prep panic with just over 60 days to go (Ah!)

For the past few days I have been religiously sticking to a facial plan, to try and keep breakouts down, and make my skin as clear and pretty as I can make it!

Here are my tools of the trade as such, the full shabang! I don’t use everything once a day, but I use some twice a day.

Here is my routine:

Step one

This is my face wash (not scrub) and a scrubbing pad, step one! Ive never had an experience with a scrub that didn’t end in something going in my eye or me using half the bottle to feel clean, so the face wash and the scrubbing pad allows me to be as gentle or rough as I like, depending on if I’m wearing makeup or not. Once I’ve scrubbed the day of my face, I use a flannel to clean off the soap, none of this splashing face stuff! Luke warm water, and wipe off. Means I don’t miss anything.

Step two

Step two is the face mask. Not to be done everyday, but once a week. I love this No.7 mask! Simple and warming, I put about half a brazil but size blob, and rub in from the nose out, round the eyes, forehead and t zone, before doing cheeks and chin. Then again with the flannel and warm water and wipe off. Skin feels soft afterwards. I would avoid using it if you have any broken skin, as it can cause irritation.

Step three

Step three is the seaweed cleanser from the body shop. I use this to cool my face after the scrub and the face mask, I put a pea size amount on a cotton pad and work from the nose round the eyes, t zone, cheeks and chin. I will brush lightly round the eyes to take the flaky bits of eye make up and dust off. This is a very gentle clean and I would recommend if you are feeling a bit flustered and hit after being in the sun!

Step four

Step four is the camomile eye make up remover. Less is more with this product from the body shop, a couple of drops on a cotton pad and ensure you clean up and down the lashes. Works gently and well. Key purchase in my book!

Step five

Step five is the good old Clearasil deep cleansing toner. Gets all the nitty gritty dirt out, try not to go over the eyes as it stings a bit! Make sure you follow just below the jaw line as well and a sweep over and behind the ears wouldn’t go amiss as well! Only about 3 drops needed on a cotton pad again. A little goes a long way.

I tend to use the toner when I wake up as well, especially when it’s hot! I will only use a tiny bit of moisturiser in the morning as well, if I’m only wearing mascara anyway. If I decide on a full face of makeup I use the body shop primer. But the makeup will be for another blog post 🙂

In regards to showers, I will do my routine, except the moisturising. I have an old face scrub (boo), seaweed from the body shop, that I use to wash any shampoo and stuff off my face that may have got there. Just to try and stop my skin from drying out.

My skin feels amazing right now and I’m sure I will update you if I discover any other stages. But out of all the prep that’s going on, it’s nice to have a bit of routine to go on, which, when it comes to wedding nerves, can be very reassuring!

So since the shift in the Gulf stream North it has suddenly become like a hot sweaty bundle of pure joy here in Cheltenham. Which is fantastic for the mood and the tan, but not so good on the body image.

Why?

Well when things get hot they expand? I am sure that this is what has happened to my body. Everything is in proportion EXCEPT my stomach. it just seems to have expanded to the size of a balloon and it really doesn’t seem like it’s going down, I lose weight (3lbs so far) but it doesn’t go from there. I really don’t know how to cut it down.

I’m a firm believer in “targeted toning” but “non-targeted weight loss” ie, you can build muscle in specific places, but you cannot lose weight specifically.

Charlie and I are back on week one of the running challenge (check #sofato5k on twitter for progress) and we’ve done 2 days so far. I guess I have to just “wait and see” some results. Worst advice EVER. I hate just waiting around, I’m really to impatient, I guess that’s why I’m so up for having something to do everyday. I want to come home and do my DVD‘s, or try going for a run, or blog more. I think of all these things when I’m at work, I just guess that when I get home I just need to stop.

And however much Charlie comes running with me, sometimes I need him to go in the other room. He will go, after I’ve pushed him away and then I feel bad for telling him to effectively “sod-off”. I need to see progress quickly or I lose motivation. A bad thing I know, but as i’ve said before, I’m impatient.

That’s right. I went to WH Smiths and I went mad with some stationary.

An A3 pad of paper, felt tip pens, and star stickers resulted in the BEST star chart I think I have ever participated in. That is even better that the one which allowed me to have sweets at school.

New manageable motivation

I was told by a friend that I shouldn’t have as many goals at once. I can understand that, but I’m incredibly impatient and by having this star chart it means I can still have rewards, no matter how many times I manage to reach my 10 stars for each goal.

I still have to complete all goals 10 times to earn the elusive curry, but I will be one star closer after posting this blog post!

I managed to buy a couple of DVD‘s from HMV the other day, 10 minute workout ones, for pilates and hip hop. Which are the first 2 goals on there, every time I complete one of the 10 min work outs I get a star!

Saving 500 calories a day is the next one, that’s to keep up my diet encouragement. I’ve written the shopping list for next week so I can plan my dinners out a bit better, lots of veg and salad on the cards! as well as spaghetti bolognaise (home made) and some more fajitas.

Blogging covers the next 2 goals, one for my personal blog here, one for my Physics blog. Which is going to be a Physics applied blog for F1. Exciting!

Running is the next one. For every 10 mins I complete RUNNING, none of this interval walking stuff, I get a star. This will be the goal that holds me back from the curry for the longest, but it means I can actually track my progress more!

The final one is for every 200 sit ups I complete with my frame sit up machine thing. gotta have a toned tum!

I’m feeling more motivated now, I’ve put things in perspective, and I have to make sure I make some time for me. Not the house, not Charlie but me.

I say let down, not because I have let people around me down, but I have let myself down. Or at least that’s what it feels like.

I have been sticking well to the eating part of my diet, cutting down and having things on moderation has meant that I’m used to not eating much now, and its only a week and a half in.

Exercise is another matter unfortunately. As soon as I get home from work its like I just need to stop. Which means I dont do anything but housework or maybe popping to the shops for dinner. Which makes me feel quite disappointed with myself, because I was doing so well with my running, and I’ve only been out once since we moved in and it was so demoralising that I just don’t want to go again.

I also miss science, I really miss being in an environment where I learn new things everyday, or when I put my knowledge into practice.

Charlie and I have been planning starting a new website, aimed at gcse revision that uses current news stories to relate to topics. I get really excited and motivated to do it when I’m at work, but then I get home and I just want to crash out!!!

The blog site is set up, its just not live and has no content as of yet. I need to motivate myself to do about an hour a day when I get home, of the website that is, then half an hour of exercise in the home. Maybe I should get a workout dvd, or a kinect for the xbox.

Thing is, It’s all well and good me saying this when I am at work, its carrying it on when I’m home. That’s also a reason I haven’t blogged on here much!! Maybe I should get a star chart or something…

Has anybody else suffered through this type of lacking motivation? It just seems the more goals I miss the less motivated I become.

This is a countdown post, after 11 sleeps of not seeing my man Charlie, I will never have to have a sleep without him again. I really can’t wait. So what is going to happen in those 11 days? well…. here we go…

Phew, what a list. I miss him. More than people probably know, It’s worse at the beginning of the week and does ‘get better’ ie, easier to deal with. These will be the most painfully slow days of my life. But the outcome is forever, I know it’s only 11 days, and I know he is only 100 miles away, but it’s still not next to me, so I can bury my head into him and snooze.

I will run it out. I WILL. I will run the full distances. Even it means pausing my workouts to stretch, I will do it. I am determined to be productive in this area in these 11 days.

As per the request of the aforementioned ‘Charlie’, I am going to write (show off and brag) about the new toy-boy in my life. Conveniently named Charlie.

Where to start?

The beginning i think.

Why am i writing about this?

Well, since my blog is called ‘I did that’, he found the thought highly amusing to just put ‘Charlie’. shocking. It is also the far too commercialized day of love on Monday – Valentines day. A good time to introduce this current sweet heart of mine.

The good stuff

Charlie decided to pop into my life after a rather unfortunate day at uni, I may have blogged on here (but i don’t really remember) about a comment i heard from my supervisor about me not being organised enough for my project, blah blah blah. In a step of desperation i decided to get so drunk i could forget that day ever happened. So me and my friend Nat decided that we would get very. very. drunk. No shame was to be felt as we would most certainly do something stupid that night.

After our spell at the pub we decided to run to Cardiff Student Union, a tradition which has led to numerous grazes and bruised feet over the past year, At the union we did continue in our quest for drunken bliss. Which i happily reached somewhere about the Jaegerbomb number 2 mark (after the vodka’s, the shots, the pints….. ow).

Next thing i remember?

Waking up…..

*insert generic roll over thinking ‘o balls’ remark*

Charlie is a good friend of Nat’s, so we both rang her to find out what happened – nobody really knows…..

Moving on we brushed the week aside till we got to the Sexy santa party that happened the next week. Which resulted in (a less drunk version) of the week before….

Being that it was near Christmas, i figured i could ignore this entire situation and everything would fizzle out by January and nobody would be worse for wear.

Boy i was wrong.

Follow up texts, drunken christmas eve phone calls, New years conversations and an irritating feeling that i actually wished to see this guy again led to an early return to Cardiff. Charlie did the same and we decided to meet up.

Have seen each other everyday since. 🙂

And considering i got sprung by his parents today (no warning there…. i looked a STATE) I’m still pretty attached i think!

I’m also sat next to 12 beautiful Yellow roses which got delivered on friday

12 of the most beautiful roses ever

(for Valentines day…. better early than late!) so i think i’ll keep this toyboy going for a while yet.