When all the open barrels of Nuts get pushed to the front of the store. Where the smell of hazelnut coffee and holiday drinks fill the air! Where people are always eating and handing out chocolates and sweets and oh so many wonderful things!!

All of which can kill me.

I have a severe nut allergy. VERY severe. Where the smell CAN kill me. I’ve had too many close calls before and it resulted in me having to wear a mask and gloves through most of college. It’s a black, neoprene, filtered mask.

It keeps me alive.

But cause people to stare. To call security on you. To treat you like a threat or a freak. They think you’re demanding attention and when you ask them not to eat anything with nuts they get offended that you are trying to take away their rights.

…

I was getting better. It was getting less severe and I could grocery shopping on my own. But something has triggered it again. I’m not sure what, but nearly dying in the mall has reminded me once again just how dangerous it is.

And I’m not just talking itchy rashes and hives, or being sick to your stomach. I’m talking, throat closing up and stop breathing. It’s like drowning, but you can’t figure out where the surface is so you have no way of getting up for air.

And then after, you’re in the hospital. The epi-pen that saved your life is causing your heart to race and the allergy medicine is wanting to put you to sleep. Your body is in complete confusion! And by the time the doctor gets around to see you, he yells at you for wasting his time, since you are not showing any symptoms he’s familiar with. And you can barely form words, are still shaking form a near-death experience and can’t fight back.

So they leave you in a bed, hooked up to machines for eight hours. All alone and then send you home…

So, this holiday season, can you just be allergy aware? And if you know someone with a food allergy, be kind? It’s horrid to have.

And I’m dreading stepping outside today because I know, the mask and gloves have to come back on and I hate it.

But living is a little more important to me…

Just know I’ll be a little out of it for a few days. It takes a while for my body to fully recover. So if I act weird or go silent, that’s why. Sorry.