5 Signs it’s Time to Break Up with Your Job

Work, by its definition, involves some less-than-enjoyable demands. It’s impossible to delight in every single email, spreadsheet, and meeting where you should really be listening to 4th quarter objectives, but you can’t stop mindlessly doodling that flower pattern you learned in 6th grade. There are going to times when the last of your Sriracha is stolen even though you put your initials on it; when you need to just go home, drink some Pinot, and not see another human for 4 hours. But when amassed together, the experiences at work ideally bring you purpose, pleasure, and a sense that you did something worthwhile between weekends (besides watch TV). Not happening for you? Here are indications it’s time to break up with your job (preferably not over text though!).

1. When your alarm goes off, you want to smash it—and every sound-producing object in a 50-mile radius—with Thor’s hammer. (Yes, only a mythical blunt object will do.)

This urge is partly due to the fact that you’re allergic to time before 10 a.m.; partly because you’d rather get a colonic than face your desk at work.

2. The only reason to get out of bed is the prospect that there might be free bagels.

Unless they’re raisin-flavored. That’s not a bagel—that’s a PASTRY. (But you’ll still devour it boorishly without complaints, because freeeeee.)

3. At work, you log onto Facebook every 3 minutes hoping that clicking through your cousin’s girlfriend’s sister’s pics will open another dimension where work doesn’t exist.

Unfortunately, seeing everyone’s engagement/baby pictures only reminds you how behind you are in reaching life milestones. AHHH, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SETTLED BY NOW AND HAVE, LIKE, FANCY SERVING SPOONS.