Sep

Calling All Ugly Ninjas

Last night, around midnight, I saw a mysterious figure putting up these posters around campus. When I asked her what they were all about, she said that she likes to “jump around the roofs of Hartley” and is looking for a sidekick to accompany her. When I asked her how she even got up there, she said “I have secret ways that I can’t tell you unless you end up becoming my sidekick.” Then we had the following dialogue:

Figure: It’s hard because, well, the problem is that your sidekick really has to be just a little bit less attractive than you are.

Tipster: Is that why you’re requiring pictures? To make sure they’re uglier than you?

Figure: Maybe.

Since then, every single poster that I saw has been taken down. It is possible that there are others that I have missed, but last night, I saw three different ones that are now gone. I don’t know if this implies an overwhelming interest, or a change of heart on the part of the post-er, or that the pre-existing Ninjas are upset by the prospect of competition and have sought to discourage it. Perhaps this is simply the business of the night.

I don't think the sidekick *necessarily* has to be less attractive than the main ninja. The whole point of the master - sidekick dynamic is a degree of sexual tension: witness batman and robin, or chip and dale.

The thing is, a morbidly obese person would not be able to ninj well anyway, and, if they were, they would be a spectacle to behold - the wonder at seeing an enromously fat person walk silently, leap 10 feet into the air, and climb walls would easily overwhelm any unplesantness caused by their unnactractive figure.

I confess to taking down one of the posters on saturday night in a drunken stuper, with the intention of sending it to found magazine. i wish the dark figure luck in her search and assumed that she had put up enough other posters for my transgression not to make a difference.