Musings of an Almost Ignoramus

Monday, March 9, 2015

You are, in a sense allowing me inside
your head right now. It is quite likely I am using the voice of your
internal narrator for my own. Meaning these words, which I have
written, are forming in your mind with the very same voice with which
you form your own thoughts.

Though these are merely abstract
symbols on page that have no meaning but what you apply to them, they
can not only convey emotions, but evoke them.

You are an accident, a happenstance,
the product of only a random sequence of events. There are a billion
more like you, with lives filled with no meaning, you fight to live
but then you die, all that is you will one day very soon pass away.

You disappointed them, yes, you know
who I'm talking about. You may even remember their face at that time,
that time you profoundly let them down, didn't come through, weren't
enough to save them or fulfill them and that's why they left or died
or didn't show up. How could you do that? Why are you so weak? How
can you be so cruel? Why are you so broken?

You are a treasure, unique in all of
space and time, there has never been a one of you and no you will
follow. You are not your father or your mother, your brother or your
sister, or even your identical twin. You may have 97% of your DNA in
common with the stranger down the street, but were you to share 100%
your experiences and what you do with them have created and are
creating YOU.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made
and, even if you do not believe you were purposefully made, you are
still a masterpiece; for not only do you exist, but you know you
exist, know that you can effect your environment, affect those around
you, have dreams and pursue them, believe in a cause and make the
conscious decision to fight for it. You have self-awareness, can
develop an attitude of self-sacrifice, you have the potential to not
only give yourself in defense of your young (which many animals will
do) but also to chose to die defending a helpless stranger, to rob
death of the weak one nature seems to demand.

Did the previous paragraphs make you
feel anything? Make you doubt or smile or smirk? All of that was
communicated by squiggles on a page, typed in a messy room which may
be very far away from you. All of that was conveyed through a few
simple, written words.

Audible speeches inspire passion, can
rouse crowds into a riot. Writing can do the same, but I think it's a
slower build, more internalized and deliberate; perhaps more often
brings about a lasting change in thinking. I wonder if a part of why
this is so is because it is the aforementioned voice of your internal
dialogue which is filtering the thoughts you read. Through the filter
of this voice, those thoughts are at some level mistaken or taken as
your own thoughts or, if they are in stark contrast to what we
believe, to “hear” them uttered by that familiar internal voice
is revolting, for that sentiment surely is not a part of us. Maybe it
is for this reason that, sometimes, “the pen is mightier than the
sword” for it more directly speaks into your mind and touches
places a sword never could, that part which makes our self.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

First, in order for you to “buy this”
I think I may need to point out some things about Heaven which you
may not have thought of before. Do you realize our longest and most
detailed view into Heaven is during what is perhaps the most
important ceremony to have ever taken place? It is the revealing of
The Lamb that was Slain and the opening of the seals which only He
could open, it is “The End Times,” which are just that “times”
that are temporary.

Now think for a moment about the most
important ceremonies which go on in your church, for instance
weddings or funerals, if someone were to only be present during those
times would they have an accurate picture of what your church
normally is? Would they not likely come away thinking it's rather
formal or somber rather than a mixture of formal, somber, joyful,
fellowshiping, and all the other circumstances which happen in your
church's walls?

Keeping the above in mind, now read the
rest.

I watched a recent interview of Taylor
Swift. As she came out from the back and then periodically throughout
the interview the cameras would pan the audience. In this video and
in others I have seen throughout the years of different stars, I was
utterly amazed that anyone can get so excited merely to be in the
presence of another human being that, in reality, they don't even
know. To have one of your biggest wishes to be that famous person
just touch your hand or (gasp!) give you a hug; to have one of the
things you want most in to have a picture made with this person
standing next to you.

You've been around those types of
people, those people whose excitement is infectious; who though they
may not quite convince you to show as much enthusiasm as they, still
cause you to show more than you ever would otherwise. If nothing else
you smile at their antics and their delight. Their delight in seeing
a friend's baby for the first time, of seeing a long-lost loved one,
of going on a trip, to a concert of their favorite band, or even
going to a place you've gone with them a hundred times before.

Though a small part of you may think
they're ridiculous and silly, you still may cherish a memory where
you caused that excitement in them, when you made it to the luggage
area and where gathered in their arms or when they saw your first
child and they seemed to really realize it was the most perfect baby
in the world (unlike some other friends and family). One of my very
favorite memories is from an “overly” enthusiastic greeting that
I received from one of my best friends in college after she first saw
me after break; she caught sight of me as I came around a corner, ran
to me and almost knocked me over by jumping into my arms.

Some of us, when we get to Heaven, are
quite likely going to fall down on our faces before the throne or at
the very least hang our heads a little bit, because we can't quite
accept that we're allowed to look into the face of God, need reminded
we're perfect enough to actually be in the presence of Perfection.
Likely, it will be Christ who approaches us and gently lifts us up,
or raises our chin and looks us in the eyes with a smile on his face
to assure us that we are, in fact, wearing his perfection and that it
has become our own.

Then there will be the other type. The
type who in death, as in life, have enthusiastically embraced their
newness, who truly know they are perfect in Christ. I believe this
type will burst into the Throne Room, oblivious to all the solemnity
and almost bowl Christ over in their embrace. I suspect that the
first few times this occurs after a more somber soul has just
recently arrived, there is a sense of shock until they realize that
this approach to Christ is just as perfect as their own.

Now, I know that some of you may have a
hard time buying into this interruption thing but, if you allow
yourself to think about it, can you really imagine Peter or Mary
Magdalene first greeting Jesus in any other way? On earth Peter threw
himself out of a boat (in his excitement maybe he briefly thought he
would again be able to walk on water) in order to get to Jesus sooner
and Mary wouldn't stop clinging to her Lord when she first saw him.

I can see Peter running towards Christ
yelling, “I made it! Thanks to you I made it!” and Mary embracing
and maybe even kissing Jesus (in a purer way than we can even
understand before we are given new bodies not made of flesh) saying,
“Now you have ascended, is there any reason now I cannot cling to
you to show my thanks and love?”

If you still do not believe in these
interruptions which I fancy sometimes happen, perhaps my last
thoughts will convince you. Have you had anyone in your life who,
though grown, has the mind of a child? Who has held onto a child's
enthusiasm? Who never developed past a certain point? Have you seen
their excitement when they successfully tie their shoes or button all
their buttons all by themselves? Or finish a race (and it doesn't
matter what place they come in)? Do you really think these innocents
will care for propriety when they see something beyond their wildest
dreams? See the one who created them and are finally able to
understand how he has used their “imperfections” to make them
into exactly who he wanted them to be and how their differentness
help to shape so many others in their lives for the better? Do you
think they will hang their head? No, they will probably shout “I'm
here, look at me!” and demand high fives of the Heavenly Host on
their rush to their Heavenly Father's throne.

Speaking of innocents. What of those
children who knew no real family on earth, who left life early
because of neglect or war or famine? While on this earth Christ said,
“Let the children come to me for Heaven belongs to such as these.”
Will he not say the same in Heaven? When one of those young souls are
welcomed home, will his lap not be waiting? I think those starved
souls will see Him seated and know exactly what he wants, for it is
part of what they were created to want, to be loved and touched and
cherished.

Yes, I believe Heaven is about worship
and praise. Yes, Christ and his Father are more majestic than
anything we can begin to imagine, more awe-inspiring than our minds
can now comprehend. But also our God is Love and we are reminded
again and again that we are the Bride of Christ. The Church's
relationship to Christ is compared to the relationship of a husband
and wife and I firmly believe that we are called to try to work on
and perfect our relationships here because they can better teach us
how to relate to our Creator and will allow us to have a better
relationship not only here but also There.

I do not think I will run into Christ's
arms or run to hug my Father's knees but I do not think I will be too
shocked when I see some of my Family do those very things. Then I
will know some of God's biggest and most enthusiastic fans have just
walked or rather ran through Heaven's door.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

This is going to be more a “how I
felt about the book,” than a real review, not because there isn't
much to talk about or I didn't like it much (I thought it was great
and want to buy the trilogy) but because I just don't think I can
write much, if anything, about the plot without giving away major
spoilers for the first two books.

If you've read my review of the first
two books or read the books themselves, you know a major theme is
trust. In the third book this theme continues, with Vin and Elend
having to learn to trust each other even further in their
relationship and how they respond to situations around them. It also
deals with the flip-side, how some can develop a sense of trust only
to use it for their own goals benefit.

In my last review I'm not sure how much
I discussed that there is also a theme of self-sacrifice, especially
putting the needs of your followers/people ahead of your own.

The third book develops the theme of
sacrifice tenfold. Elend continually questions whether he is being
too ruthless, that he is requiring his citizens to give up too much
for “the greater good” but he gives up just as much in his own
life. He is compelled to use force to relocate citizens to where they
will be safer, asks his soldiers to expose themselves to a
potentially deadly enemy they cannot fight (but allows those who wish
to go the freedom to do so), and fears he is becoming like his
ruthless father or even the emperor he helped to overthrow.

There is also a strong theme of servant
leadership, with Vin, Elend, and Sazed (and other characters as well)
putting aside the selves they are most comfortable being, what
perhaps they even view as their “true selves,” to be instead the
people those they serve need them to be because of their potential
and the abilities they possess. This theme hit somewhat close to home
with me, there are some jobs/volunteer opportunities I know I would
excel at, in which I know I could do great good, but I shy away from
those things because I know they would hurt me (emotionally) and they
scare me (I'm scared I may break). The three individuals previously
mentioned give their all for others, for those they know and those
they don't. They know themselves well enough to know recognize their
talents and, though it costs them tremendously to use those talents,
they do so for the sake of others. And perhaps, as Christians or even
simply human beings who feel called to give the best of ourselves for
the benefit of humanity, the way we can most deeply fulfill our
purpose is to seek opportunities in which we can most fully use our
gifts...even if it will eventually use us up. I suppose the comfort
in being a Christian is that, if or when we break, God can put us
back together and, even if this world uses us up, we will be restored
and made new in another realm.

Yet another theme is hope. How people
can come to depend on you when you are the hopeful one when their own
hope is lacking. How it is easier to face trials when there is a hope
to hold onto and how it can give you strength.

As you can tell, though these books are
fantasy, they are deep enough to cause one to think and wonder. The
characters continue to grow throughout the trilogy, in themselves and
in relation to each other. I highly recommend them and venture to say
that those normally not particularly fond of the fantasy genre may
find enough depth and character development to reconcile you to this
fantastical realm.

A word of caution to all readers:
Sanderson isn't scared to kill off important characters, so if that
is a deal-breaker, consider yourself warned. Some authors kill
characters off in such a way that you feel cheated and empty but
Sanderson does it in a way as to leave you somber and thoughtful.

For those interested, here is my review of the first two books in the trilogy...also, it's a little more of an actual review. :) http://almostignoramus.blogspot.com/2013/10/book-review-for-mistborn-and-well-of.html

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

I don't think I'm the only one that
does this. I know at least one of my aunts told me she does (though
her often bought item is sauerkraut). You go to the grocery store and
get things you think you need and, even if you have a list, you pass
by that one thing and think, “I'm not sure I have any of that, I
think I may need it,” only to get home and discover you already
have not one but multiple boxes/cans/etc. waiting for you.

For me that item is refried beans. I
have not one but four cans of refried beans and, on the rare occasion
I use them, one can can get me through two or three meals. Refried
beans are about the least versatile food there is, it's basically
have them in a tortilla, on a tortilla, or with tortilla chips.

Why can't my item be something like
chicken? You can fix chicken a million different ways. You can invite
friends over for chicken and not have your living room be filled with
noxious odors if your friends stick around.

Or bacon? If it was bacon I could be
one of the manliest men around. “You guys want to come over later
to watch the game? Instead of chips and dip I'm serving bacon and
dip. I even made some cups...out of bacon.”

I would probably have a troupe of
man's best friend just waiting outside my door, because, well, one
man can only eat so much bacon before he starts to share. Just think
of all those wagging tails that could be waiting for me.

But no, my item is refried beans, so I
shall sit here all alone and contemplate how much methane I can
produce as compared with cows. And hey, I think the beans have lard
in them, which is kind of related to bacon. Also, according to that
wise old rhyme, they're good for your heart.

*Note: I actually went to my parents
house tonight and fried a bunch of fish and had a lot of other stuff,
too, so I'm not really sitting all alone with a can of beans...though
I may be some time in the future. I also never watch “the game,”
I'm just not that interested in any of them.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Apart from a long-time crush on Natalie
Portman (mainly based on roles from two of her movies) and an off and
on crush on Rachel McAdams, I have never really followed or been
interested in celebrities and watching their interviews. Even for the
previous two, I have very rarely watched interviews with them but
recently there have been a few celebrities whose interviews I search
out and enjoy watching and even enjoy learning some about their
lives. So here is my celebrity favorites list and what I would like
to do with each of them (spoiler alert, it's not anything dirty), in
no particular order.

Jennifer Lawrence. I think this
girl is one of the funniest, most ridiculous, and adorable actresses
out there right now. I've heard she can curse like a sailor, so I
know I wouldn't like that aspect of her, but I would like to find a
really really bad/corny movie and watch it in a living-room group
setting with her (with her providing plenty of narration of course).
I love watching her interviews and enjoy her acting but I can't
decide whether I would greatly enjoy hanging out with her or if she
would drive me crazy. I think we would get along great in small
doses. She would probably only tolerate me if she got my dry humor,
otherwise I would be too bland.

Emma Watson. I admire this woman,
for the character she got to play in Harry Potter and the woman she
is today. I would love to get coffee with her to talk about books,
current world events, and her work with the UN. I think she is
smart, charming, and lovely. The thing I think I would be most
nervous of is appearing a little ignorant.

Emma Stone. I think she is one of
the most adorable and charming girls around. I would love to spend
the day with her and Andrew Garfield (her boyfriend or past
boyfriend) hiking or kayaking. I think they are cute together and
genuinely think I would get along with both of them, especially if
they were together.

Logan Lerman. He just seems like a
sweet, likeable kid. I thought he was perfect in Perks of Being a
Wallflower and I'm looking forward to seeing him in Fury. I think
he, Andrew Garfield and I share similar personalities and think they
may be oddball enough for me to get along with well.

And lastly, Taylor Swift. At
certain times (especially when she does not have a lot of makeup
on) I have thought she was quite beautiful but, and I know may seem
odd, I never really developed a crush on her until I saw the video
for Shake It Off. I love that even with all her fame, she doesn't
take herself too seriously and isn't afraid to be a little dorky
(which is one of the things I like about Emma Stone and Jennifer
Lawrence as well). I also love that she is getting attention for
being so supportive of some of her female friends. Speaking of her
female friends, I think it would fun to make dinner with a couple of
them and Taylor and then watch a movie. In high school and college I
used to sometime be a part of “girl nights” and I think Taylor
would be someone fun to experience this with. P.S. One day one of my
sisters and I were talking about Taylor Swift and out of nowhere she
said, “Your not allowed to date her.” So even if I ever got the
chance, I guess I'd have to let it pass by. :)

A couple things I think all of these
people have in common is that they are all sweet and intelligent
people.

I know fame has a lot of advantages
(and I believe some of the above people are using those advantages to
help humanity), a lot of perks but I also know I probably would not
handle fame well. I am a very passive and laid-back person but if
paparazzi was getting in my face and especially in the face of
someone I care about, I may have a hard time not throwing a punch or
uttering a few threats. I know celebrity houses/estates are often
very excessive but I can somewhat understand why so many indulge in
that excessiveness. Those compounds are a refuge to attempt to keep
prying eyes and listening ears at arms length. I think I would have
to take the Johnny Depp approach and live in a place where not many
people care about my fame.

I feel like I should say that if I were
to make a list of favorite actors, as far as how well I like their
acting, it would be a little different. Note: some of these people I
do not like in “real life” I merely think they act well and
typically chose good parts.

In no particular order:

Dakota Fanning. I've thought this
girl was an amazing actress since she was tiny (in I Am Sam and Man
on Fire)

Denzel Washington (good guy, bad
guy, good guy who's ruthless, he can do them all)

Tom Hanks (I may have thought
Castaway was boring, but he still did an amazing job)

Ashley Judd (she's so strong, I
love her in Kiss the Girls)

Morgan Freeman

Will Smith (well, minus that After
Earth or whatever one he recently did with his son)

Tom Cruise

Jennifer Lawrence (she made it
onto both of my lists)

Leonardo Dicaprio (there may be a
lot of his movies I don't really like, but he does a an excellent
job)

Natalie Portman (if you think she
always plays the same cute/adorable character then watch The Other
Boleyn Girl, actually don't, it's a sad, twisted movie that makes
you hate Ms. Portman)

Friday, October 17, 2014

In my last post I spoke of our life on
earth and how its significance pales when compared with the life that
is to come and, in a way it does, but it may also be that our brief
time here might be the most important part. Just think, something
about our experiences here are so significant and worthwhile that God
was willing to risk our eternal soul in order for us to have these
earthly experiences.

He could have (and did in the form of
angels and other heavenly beings) simply made us purely spiritual
beings, could have skipped earth and just had us in Heaven (that's
not to say that we couldn't have still rebelled, obviously some of
the angels did, but I think our rebellion would have been less likely
and maybe the angels rebellion as well). But he created earth and,
though he may not have originally created it with death, decay, and
temporariness, he knew it would become such. He knew that our bodies
would break down, knew they were fallible, and the world we live in
breakable but he was willing to risk it, risk us because there is
something here which we can gain.

I won't pretend to know what that gain
is, but I will attempt to guess. First, maybe it was just so the
God-head could enact the ultimate display of love through the life
and death of the Son on earth. If the world had never been created,
if the eternal Heaven was all there ever was, God could tell his
creatures “this is how much I love you, I would become temporal,
fallible, breakable, 'temptable.' I would be broken for you, allow
you to tear my heart to pieces, and then offer to save you. I would
be a sacrifice for your sake” and it would be no less true than it
is now, but in acting that out on this little ole earth I think it
changed something about reality, about how heavenly creatures view
the God they worship and creates a relationship for us to God that
otherwise would be impossible (and I'm not just talking about how
that Gesture solved our fallenness).

A life here on earth also perhaps
allows us to appreciate certain aspects of God which we would not
find as awe-inspiring had we not experienced decay, fallenness, the
breaking down of all around us, and pain. Perhaps through our seeing
so muchimperfection,
we will better be able to see perfection.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

A few months ago someone in our church
said something like, “I'm starting to wonder what God is preparing
me for, I'm getting old.” Meaning that they don't feel they have
accomplished a specific great work for God and they don't foresee
that great work in their future.

Well, I think sometimes God does have a
particular “great work” he is preparing us for, that he uses all
other happenings in our life to prepare us for and causes all things
to work together in such a way that we are “at the right place, at
the right time” and have been prepared perfectly for just that
situation, to accomplish that specific grand work.

But sometimes I think God “just”
uses this life to prepare us for our life in Heaven, that in some
lives there are no “great works” but just little, simple ones (in
man's terms) that still have eternal significance, that still echo
beyond time. And I think such a life is more than okay, for this life
pales in significance, is a “mere breath” when compared to the
Life that is to come. So all our preparation, even if it accomplishes
nothing of grand significance while we are here, is no less
important, indeed is even more important, than a preparation which
prepares us for anything here, no matter how grand.

About Me

I want to work in a public library (specifically in the youth services section), I want to someday publish a books, I want to put some more beauty in the world and draw attention to the beauty that is already here, I want to help extinguish some of the ugliness in the world, and help some people to untwist themselves from the ball of pain, despair, bitterness, or hate the world has twisted them into. Mostly, I want to leave the world a little bit brighter, more beautiful place than how I found it.