This Blog is Dedicated to the Investigation, Transformation and Correction of the Human Constitution as the Entity of Separation that it has become - to Shape, Manifest and Establish a Physical World and Reality that Ensures a Dignified Life for All Living Things from Birth till Death

Pagina's

vrijdag 30 januari 2015

Thisis a continuation of my journey of changing
an emotional experience of feeling left out in real time. After having walked
the initial step 1 and 2 I am now again investigating and having a look at
how I experience the emotion of feeling left out now in my daily living within
my participation with the people around me, compared to when I first started
walking this process.

A first
thing that I have realized is that I don't so often access the experience of
feeling left out anymore and when I do, it is not nearly as intensely as I used
to when I started my process of changing the experience of feeling left out.

Within this blog I will be sharing how I have walked and applied a Third Step
within facing and changing an emotional reaction of feeling left out. In the
event within this third step as I mentioned the experience of feeling left out
was not as emotionally overwhelming anymore as it used to be. In fact this
time, I could within the moment that the thoughts and emotions activated within
myself, already take a step back and look at what was busy happening within my
own mind - whereas before, I would go into an absolute emotional
overwhelmingness to the point that I often went to isolate myself somewhere to
cry my eyes out. This time, I actually within myself remained relatively stable
as I observed this mind-program of feeling left out activate within my mind,
which also made it a lot easier to then direct the emotional reactions that I
would still ever so slightly go into.

So a few
days ago the experience came up when I was together with a group of people and
there was one girl who went to stand close to another girl to give her a hug.
It wasn't like a real 'hug', she was more just with the one side of her body
wrapping her arm around the other girl and leaning in to her, while placing her
head on the girl's shoulders. Which within my mind I defined as an expression
of two beings who are absolutely comfortable with each other, where their
embrace is something that is casual and 'natural' and 'flowing'. For instance,
the one girl didn't specifically say 'I need a hug' or ask for a hug from the
other girl, she just went to stand next to her and in a very natural way, as if
the other girl knew and expected that she was going to do that, and embraced
her in a casual, nonchalant sisterly fashion.

In that
quantum moment, I created a comparison in my mind and a thought went through my
mind that 'I don't have that' and 'I can't experience that' and 'I never
experience hugs like that'. I mean, there were in fact lots of thoughts going
through my mind seemingly all at the same time. Because, what I was
simultaneously also thinking, together with 'I don't experience that' and
'nobody ever hugs me like that', was 'nobody feels that comfortable around me',
and 'if I tried to do that, then people would not accept it and they would
resist me' --- with a general red line running through these thoughts being 'I
am so alone'.

The 'I am
so alone' point being basically my conclusion from all those previous thoughts
that in a quantum moment ran through my mind as I was observing these two women
expressing that intimacy with each other. And what is actually fascinating when
I have a look at those thoughts of 'nobody ever does that with me' and 'if I
tried that, people would resist me and push me away' and 'I never get to
experience that intimacy' - and I look for actual examples of those statements,
as in real-time events wherein people actually physically pushed me away or
rejected me when I approached them,by
looking through my memories, then I cannot actually find any examples and so I
cannot find any actual evidence to back up those statements in my mind.

I mean
all that I can see and find, is a pattern of this emotional experience of
feeling alone that I have been experiencing within myself all throughout my
life. I have always only felt alone and within that experience of 'being
alone', I 'felt like' other people would reject me or resist me or push me away
if I were to approach them. But, I never actually did approach people, so I
never actually found out whether or not there was any validity to those
statements and beliefs in my mind. And, I also cannot find a real event that
happened in my life that may have been an activating point for believing that
people will reject me -- meaning an event that happened where I actually was
rejected by people and where people did actually resist me, for instance within
being bullied or something like that. There was just this seemingly isolated
experience inside of myself of being disconnected from the people around me and
of being 'alone' within and as myself. And, simultaneously with the feeling of
'being so alone' within myself, I experienced a yearning for connection and
intimacy with the people that I saw around me - with my family, with my
friends, and with everybody else in this world.

So it
looks like this is a sort of 'personality system' that I have accepted to exist
within myself as the 'who I am' in my mind, which is basically a structure of
specific thoughts, backchat and emotional experiences that I go into in
relation to specific situations - which is where it will in a way 'show itself'
and 'come out' - and which essentially constantly exists within myself as a
'foundation' of my entire moment-to-moment existence, experience and expression
of myself. It's just some specific situations and moments that 'draw it out' to
the forefront where I will actually become highly emotional within myself and
in those moments is where I fuel and regenerate the personality system within
myself so it can continue existing as a constant foundational experience within
and as myself.

And this
is quite an interesting point to realize for me in relation to how the mind
works, in that the thoughts and emotional experiences that I define myself
within don't necessarily have a 'purpose' to them and aren't necessarily based
on any valid 'reasoning'. As with this personality system of believing and
experiencing myself to be 'alone' within myself in relation to people for
instance, wherein I cannot find the source point of why and how it is that
those thoughts and experiences exist within myself. They just kind of do,
because of the simple fact that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify
myself with them.

I used to
always have this tendency within myself, whenever I discovered a specific
personality construct within myself such as this general experience of feeling
left out in relation to people, to want to find a 'source' point within my
memories. I wanted to find the specific event that occurred in my life that
triggered it so that I could 'make sense' of what is happening within myself
and so that I could in a way find a 'reasoning' behind why I feel the way I
feel and experience myself the way I do. However what I have come to realize
about the mind is that it doesn't really have any other purpose to it but to
generate energy through thoughts, feelings and emotions, which means that it
doesn't need to have a 'logical explanation' behind what it brings up for us to
generate the energy it needs - as long as there exist the belief and appearance
of a 'reason' behind and 'logic' to how we experience ourselves within and as
our mind, enough for us to accept it as ourselves.

So from
that perspective it is entirely possible that these seemingly random
personality systems exist within ourselves without any particular 'reason', as
in memories to back it up - but that the system only exist within and as
ourselves because we never questioned it and because we blindly accepted it
into our beingness to become a part of who we are.

So to get
back to my practical application In that moment where I saw that I reacted
emotionally to the image that I was seeing of the one girl hugging the other
and the 'intimacy' and 'comfortableness' that I was seeing within that image
and in the relationship between these two people - I started applying
self-forgiveness in silence within myself. The following is an excerpt of those
self-forgiveness statements which I spoke in that moment and which assisted and
supported me within stabilizing myself and releasing the emotional experience
of feeling left out that I was facing within myself in that moment. And then
the next step will be to take on the 'I am so alone' personality systemthat I have discovered as the driving force
behind the emotional experience and reaction of feeling left out.

Self-Forgiveness Statements

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feeling left out
to seeing X hugging Y

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from X and Y
and from the image that I am seeing with my eyes by reacting to it with
emotions instead of remaining stable within myself and not allow what I see
with my eyes to move and influence who I am within myself

I forgive
myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for
the desire within myself to experience what I am seeing with my eyes because I
have assigned a positive value in my mind with the image of two people hugging
each other connected with the word friendship

I forgive
myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and
understand that I am feeling left out as a negative emotional experience within
myself in reaction to what I am seeing with my eyes because I have accepted and
allowed a desire to exist within myself of being part of and belonging with and
experiencing friendship and intimate relationships with other people

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X and Y for 'leaving me
out' and 'not including me' and so blame them for the emotional experience of
feeling left out within myself as how I am reacting to seeing them hugging each
other - instead of taking responsibility for the desire within myself to be
included and accepted and embraced by other people

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire experiencing belonging
with and being accepted and embraced by other people within and as intimate
relationships - and that I have therein created a point of 'lack' within myself
as the opposite polarity of feeling left out and alone and rejected

And so I
forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to take
responsibility for myself as the creator of the experience of feeling rejected
and left out and alone in relation to specific images that I see in my world
and reality of for instance two people hugging - by having accepted and allowed
myself to blame X and Y for why it is that I am reacting within myself with
feeling left out and alone to seeing them hugging --- instead of seeing,
realizing and understanding that X and Y don't in any way have anything to do
with how I react emotionally within myself as my emotional reactions are my own
creation due to my accepted and allowed participation in energy within my mind

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately separate myself
from the world and reality that I see with my eyes by having accepted and
allowed myself to define myself within and as the desire to be included and
accepted and embraced by others -- instead of seeing, realizing and
understanding that no matter if I am being physically touched or embraced by
others and no matter how others behave and express themselves in relation to me
- in physical reality I am already existing within and as inclusion and
acceptance as I am here in this world and reality as a part of this physical
world and reality wherein all that exist is made up of the same matter and
substance and we are all one and equal within and as ourselves

And so I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from
inclusion and acceptance by defining inclusion and acceptance within and as an
image of people hugging and touching each other and standing and talking close
together -- and that I have therein accepted and allowed myself to create the
idea and belief that If I do not have that sort of contact and relationship
with people, then I cannot experience inclusion and acceptance --- instead of
seeing, realizing and understanding that I have essentially created the belief
and experience that who I am within and as myself is not already included and
accepted and that I must thus long for and desire for inclusion and acceptance,
thus creating an experience of lack within myself

I see,
realize and understand that I am busy blaming X and Y for me feeling left out
and alone within myself while I have created that experience by myself by
having participated within positive energy experiences as a desire to 'have'
specificrelationships with other people
because I have separated myself from acceptance and intimacy by projecting it
within specific images and ideas in my mind - and that within that blame I am
in fact further separating myself from my own creation and victimising myself
to my own emotional reactions

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself inferior to what
I am seeing with my eyes by connecting a positive value to the image that I am
seeing of two women hugging, by defining that image within and as friendship
and by having accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a
desire to experience the positive energy value that I have connected in my mind
with the word friendship

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to what I
am seeing with my eyes by reacting to what I see with thoughts, feelings an
emotions - instead of being stable within and as myself within and as the
realization and understanding that what I am seeing with my eyes in my world

I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my value away to an
image that I see with my eyes and an idea of friendship that I have connected
with a positive energy value within my mind --- instead of standing within and
as self-value in every moment

I forgive
myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for
the separation that I have accepted and allowed myself to create between what I
am seeing with my eyes and who I am within myself by having accepted and
allowed myself to define myself within and as a desire to experience friendship
and to belong --- wherein I have in fact created an experience of lack within
myself

Self-Corrective Statements

I see,
realize and understand that I am creating this experience of feeling left out
and disconnected and separated from what I see with my eyes by myself by having
accepted and allowed myself to define myself within and as a desire for
friendship as specific images in my mind - rather than standing one and equal
with my reality that is here and the beings around me in every moment of breath

I see,
realize and understand that I am blaming X and Y for my own reactions that I
have created within myselfby
participating within points of desire and I see, realize and understand that
within and as the point of blame I am projecting my responsibility towards my
participation in my mind outward

And so I
commit myself to take responsibility for myselfand for my creation as the experience of feeling left out by not
accepting and allowing myself to participate within desires of being accepted
because I see, realize and understand that that is how I am creating the
experience of feeling left out within myself

So I
stand as the point of responsibility in relation to feeling left out and I
commit myself to embrace myself firstand to create a relationship of intimacy and connection with myself
first before I go and blame others for not accepting or embracing me