Thursday, 23 February 2012

Deadlines and guilt-free blogging

I haven't blogged in a few days now. Main reason is probably that I've spent my blogging time working with my other blog and the time not spent in front of the computer reading blogs, searching for jobs, looking for things to blog about (on my other blog) and so on, I've spent either thinking about my challenge designs or rereading War and Peace. Good book -- before I began reading those old russian "tomes" I'd heard so much about them being heavy, unbearably long, having too many characters, being so complex etc etc, but really it isn't tough to read and the stories are interesting. Though, on the other had I read a lot of epic fantasy as a teenager so I guess I got used to complex plots, huge amounts of characters and really long books before tackling Tolstoj and Dostojevskij.

But I'm digressing. One reason I haven't blogged much is that I haven't had the time or energy to respond to comments or comment on blogs I follow and that leaves me feeling guilt. Pair that with guilt about not doing that TAST post I keep postponing yet (have postponed it til the weekend/Monday when doing this week's post) and the fact I'm slightly stressed about re-doing my challenge jewellery yet again and you get the picture. This blog is all about guilt-free blogging: I blog when I want and about what I want. It means being prolific sometimes and rarely writing at all other times. Sometimes I give myself "good guilt", which is kind of deadlines I impose on myself in order to fight my tendency to procrastinate when not having any set dates to comply to. That is not a negative thing, that's all about pushing myself to do things I know I'll be pleased with once finished. Comments and being social, now those are the things that make me feel "bad guilt". Guilt about not thanking for comments, being nice in return, interact etc, but just pushing it ahead of me day after day because of lack of energy, disinterest, guilt for not focusing on my work instead of being online and so on. So by not blogging, I can eliminate some of that guilt.

But one of the things bothering me right now is not so much that but instead the frustration I feel trying to work with my challenge pieces. Before it was just worrying about time and meeting multiple deadlines withing a few weeks, especially considering I hadn't been that poductive lately. Now it's a purely creative frustration. I've made half a dozen beaded beads for my bead soup necklace and now I'm ready to give up that idea! Which was just "half an idea" to begin with, i.e. I had beads picked out and ideas for parts of the design, but no whole picture. And not having been able to merge the parts into a working whole, I have to abandon the idea -- at least for the time being -- and find a new approach. I just hope my new design won't be in need of the beads used in the beaded beads because I don't want to frog them now... They are simple but I really like them and don't want to rip them up. I'm working with supplies in my stash, can't buy anything new right now and that's part of the frustration as I imagine using beads in a gorgeous colour that would match this or that component perfectly, but I don't have it. Or, I have the colour but in the wrong size beads -- or there are too few of the beads. Or I have the beads but nothing to add in between them, making the parts into that elusive whole I'm chasing.

Good news is at least that I've found some beads and a colour palette I like for the Challenge of Music. And that of cause also means I've settled for a piece of music to work with. Yay! Now the design just needs a nice focal, fitting the theme and atmosphere of the music I chose. Wish me luck with that!

I've also thought about entering a little swedish seedbeading contest with deadline in between the bead soup party and the Suddenly Spring challenge. Would be fun as I haven't entered any contest in ages and have an idea for what I'd like to do (no design, but ideas about materials and techniques). But with the blog hopping and race against the clock finishing my challenge entries, I just don't feel like I have inspiration and time to come up with something good for that as well. So keeping my fingers crossed I'll have a surge of creativity and energy soon so I can realise my vague ideas (and have a chance to win some much wanted beads).

PS! The pic is from my bead table -- i.e. bedside table -- last night. I often bead in bed, days and night, and enjoy looking at my WIP:s and latest bead purchase before going to bed.

2 comments:

Dear Maneki! I have a feeling that you are having a depression. You don't need to be feeling like that. Maybe you should try and get some help in order to be yourself again? A big hug to you and good luck with your beading!