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28. Developing My Spiritual Genealogy

Purpose: The purpose of this session is to discuss various selection criteria that have been found to be effective in choosing the person to be involved with in discipleship.

Objectives

1. The disciple will understand that faithfulness is extremely important.

2. The disciple will understand that time is an important factor and will schedule sessions that are consistent with schedules of both the discipler and the disciple.

3. The disciple will see the value of “openness” in learning.

4.The disciple will understand commitment more fully, and will commit himself to discipleship.

Scripture Memory

And entrust what you heard me say in the presence of many others as witnesses to faithful people who will be competent to teach others as well.

2 Timothy 2:2

Agenda

1. Prayer and sharing.

2. Discuss readings.

3 Mutual sharing of Scripture memory verses.

4. Discuss new concepts for discipling.

5. Discuss thoroughly plans to begin meeting with the new disciple.

Considering Whom to Disciple.

Discipling takes time and I am commanded in Scripture to "make the most of the time because the days are evil," Ephesians 5:16. Whatever else this Scripture might mean, it does mean that I am to make the best use possible of my time.

I. I have only 24 hours a day. Some of this time is needed to survive in the world—to sleep, eat, exercise, etc. I need to support myself which supports my ministry. I can't personally help everyone.

II. The way I can approach helping everyone in my limited way is to be quite selective in relation to whom I disciple. Many people can become enthusiastic. A full-orbed ministry of discipleship tends to attract others who want to get on the bandwagon. Always remember, we want those who are faithful first of all. If they are also enthusiastic, this is fine.

III. To know who is faithful, I need to know them more than simply in a casual way. I must know them well. I must spend time with them in many areas of their lives.

IV. The process of getting to know people is somewhat time consuming. Be willing to spend this time simply for the purpose of not wasting time later. Remember, the one who becomes your disciple must not only meet the criteria of a disciple, but must also develop to do the same thing you are doing and share your heart’s burden for an entire area, indeed for the world. Consider the following:

A. Jesus spent all night in prayer before He invested His life in 12 men, Luke 6:12-13.

B. “Do not lay hands upon anyone too suddenly” 1 Timothy 5:22. Consider for a bit of time and pray.

C. Can the person I am going to commit myself to be faithful in the basics, and will he be able to "teach others also?" 2 Timothy 2:2.

V. Follow-up and Discipleship.

A. Follow-up is the process of helping a Christian grow personally in the basics. I follow-up a new believer, John 15:16.

B. Discipleship is the process of helping a Christian grow and help others grow in the same way. This involves the Lordship of Christ.

C. Follow-up can be done one-on-one or in small groups. In some cases, small groups may be better because of relationships that are built.

D. Discipling is best done "one-on-one."

Discipleship Evaluation

Questions to ask about future disciples:

1. When did the person trust Christ?

2. What is his/her educational background?

3. What is his/her work experience?

4. What major decisions have they faced?

5. What is the nature of their interpersonal relationships?

6. What ministry experiences have they had in the past?

7. What gifts or abilities do they have?

Present Circumstances

1. What areas are present struggles for him/her?

2. What are his/her present goals?

3. What are his/her ministry skills?

4. How is he/she doing in their work responsibilities?

Questions to ask yourself:

1. What gifts am I going to help him/her develop?

2. What kind of training situations have I considered for him/her?

3. What ministry skills will I be able to help him/her with?

What to Look for in a Timothy

For Man to Man (Follow-up as a Primary Focus)

1. With whom do I have a heart relationship?

What are the evidences of this?

2. Who evidences spiritual hunger?

What are the evidences of this?

3. Who demonstrates a heart for God?

Indicate evidences for this?

4. Who is available to receive personal help?

What makes you think this is true?

5. Who will respond to my modeling and leadership?

Why do you believe this?

6. Who is teachable?

List indications of this.

For Man to Man (Training as the Primary Focus)

1. Who demonstrates faithfulness to the basics?

Write those demonstrations.

2. Who demonstrates a heart for people?

What makes you think so?

3. Who demonstrates willingness for commitment of time to the ministry?

How is this demonstrated?

5. Who makes themselves available to help others?

How do they do this?

Remember, the person you spend time with must be able to "teach others also." 2 Timothy 2:2

Minimal Expectations for a Timothy

In anticipation of our discipling relationship, there are some minimal expectations I have which I will share with you right up front. These are the following:

I. I expect to see the characteristic of commitment demonstrated overall in your life. This includes your being willing to do the projects assigned to you, the memory work (this is an absolute must), a willingness to learn how and engage in active discipling yourself, and to read the assignments given you.

II. I expect you to be teachable. I also expect to learn from you in whatever ways the Holy Spirit sees fit to teach us. One of the ultimate goals is for both of us to have a servant’s heart.

III. I expect both of us to have a time commitment that is realistic. I will do my best to be on time for my appointment with you and I want the same from you. Time is of the essence in what we are doing. I am giving time— I expect it to be handled with care.

IV. I want to be a helper in your life. While we are involved in this kind of relationship, please be as open with me as you can. I will do everything in my power to help you emotionally and spiritually. I want to see you grow and reach the place where you will be able to reproduce your life in the lives of others.

V. Ask questions. Give suggestions. Help me know how I can be in your life in the most significant ways.

VI. I want to learn from you while we are in this relationship. Feel that you can share your ideas with me. I want to learn from what you think.

A Strong Suggestion

Be sure you discuss and elaborate all of these ideas with the person you are about to begin discipling. We should not, of course, be harsh. But we need to be "up front" and as honest as possible. Discuss them freely and openly.

Encouraging Optimum Growth

How To Set a Proper Climate for Learning

When we work with our first Timothy, many will be somewhat lost in knowing exactly how to proceed. This is, of course, a natural feeling. Most are not nor have they ever been teachers. The purpose of this paper is to give a few encouraging suggestions that relate to learning and the promotion of growth.

I. What is learning? Please consider that learning is not memorizing a number of facts and being able to restate them. Learning is the process by which we achieve higher forms of adaptive and creative behavior in our environment. It involves information that enables me to change how I function. Therefore, unless there is a change in my behavior, I haven't learned anything, even though I have in some way added some information to my present repertoire of facts.

II. What kind of atmosphere most encourages learning? Several things need to be mentioned here.

A. Acceptance is crucial. This means that I take my Timothy at face value as he is. He is unable to grow unless I accept him and his limitations now. As I create an accepting atmosphere now, he is enabled to grow more readily. This is "grace" as an attitude.

B. Closely associated with acceptance is the "right to fail" in a situation. Failure is not ultimate failure. Have we not heard of "trial and error learning"? Extending the right to fail will enable one to be more willing to tackle a difficult situation. And this is what we all need. It is simply the right or opportunity to try difficult things without being condemned if we do not succeed.

C. The above principle implies that there may be some anxiety involved in situations that result in failure. This is true. In many ways anxiety is crucial in a situation if true learning is to take place. Actually an effort without anxiety usually doesn't teach us anything.

III. Responsibility is an important factor if learning is to take place in a "one- on-one" session. It is the responsibility of the person being discipled to be accountable. It is the responsibility of the discipler to create a learning and growing situation in each session that takes into account the uniqueness of the individual being discipled—his needs, where he is in his walk with the Lord, and what his emotional state is. The discipler is to be willing to share his life significantly with the one being discipled.

IV. Remember! If you can help another grow emotionally and spiritually, you have achieved something significant for eternity.

V. Allow your disciple to participate. You are not giving a lecture. This might better be described as "interactive time."

VI. Be sure to set an adequate example for all that you want a disciple to do. Modeling is significantly important in this ministry. Set the pace!

VII. Be open—be transparent. Let your feelings show through.

VIII. Don't expect any failures or dropouts.

An Atmosphere That Encourages Growth and Learning

Those of us who have responded to the individual needs of another are often asked to do something in that process that is new and difficult. Most of us do not think during the normal course of our lives about facilitating growth in another person. We simply interact in the course of our daily involvements and some people grow, others remain quite the same, and there are those who leave us and our interaction from time to time "the worse for wear."

I am not asked in the process of discipling another to make that person or shape that person into something I think might be good, nor am I asked by our Father to shape him into a "little me." And, while it is true that I will model things for the person I am involved with, it is also true that this person has a uniqueness about himself, and is to ultimately be a "little Christ," not a little Emery Nester (God forbid!) or whoever we might be.

It is imperative to remember that the Holy Spirit is in this person, and He is the ultimate Shaper and Teacher of this individual. If there is any role I play in the life of this individual, it is that of a facilitatorof the Holy Spirit in his life. I am a very real person myself, in whom the Spirit of Christ dwells, and fellowship is a true human need. The disciple needs to know me as a human who can work in cooperation with the Holy Spirit and facilitate the ground made ready by Him for change. I need to remember that it is His will to bring to completion the work He has begun. Indeed, Philippians 1:6 strikes this note loud and clear: "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." And in the process of that ongoing work, He develops the person exactly as God has purposed, in order that he might fit into the Body of Christ most effectively and efficiently.

The uniqueness of an individual in the Body of Christ is taught in Romans 12:3-6, where we are told that we each have different gifts and therefore different places in the Body. Hear the words as Paul says, "And since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let each exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; if service, in his serving; or he who teaches in his teaching; or he who exhorts in his exhortation…” Without a willingness to develop someone uniquely, we can be responsible in unusual ways for the crippling or abnormal development of the Body of Christ, as well as for an individual being aberrant in his own development and functioning. Having said these things, let's look for a moment at the nature of learning.

What Is It to Learn?

Most of us have the idea that learning is the accumulation of facts that we "learn" and are able to regurgitate effectively when we are asked to do so. This idea is related to Thomistic concepts of learning embodied in a philosophy of education called Perennialism. Most of us have experienced this as an educational procedure in our formal school experiences.

While learning usually does involve a body of information, its true nature is much different. Please consider again that learning is not memorizing a number of facts and being able to "recite" them. Regardless of the amount of information I have, if it doesn't change my behavior, I haven't learned a thing. Therefore, let us define learning as the achievement of higher forms of adaptive and creative behavior. It involves information that enables me to change how I function, and when this change takes place, I have then learned something and function more efficiently. This is certainly not said in a way that would purposely disparage the accumulation of information. Information is a basis for our becoming aware, and it is important to receive and increase our pool of information. And when we consider Scripture, it is even more significant. Jesus said, "The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life," John 6:63. In Hebrews 4:12, the writer says, "For the Word of God is living and active," and in John 15:3, Jesus says, "You are already clean because of the Word which I have spoken to you." It is doubtful (though theoretically possible) that many people could get the Word of God into them without that Word having some effect or impact for change in their lives. For this reason, memorization of the Scriptures is important. But true learning must result in more efficient behavior. Without the modification of behavior, very little learning has taken place though I may have added significantly to my present repertoire of facts or information.

Please allow me to illustrate this principle I have just been speaking of in the previous paragraph. I understand from Scripture that I am to be in relationship with Jesus Who is to be LORD of my life, Romans 10:9. "That if you confess with your mouth, Jesus as Lord,"… says Paul. I understand from Romans 6 that I died with Christ and have risen to newness of life. These are facts—truths from the Word of God. But just knowing these things does not necessarily make me begin to live under the Lordship of Jesus. I must make a decision with my will—an act of my own volition, if you will, and begin to live with Christ as Lord. As I do this, it might rightfully be said that I have learned something because my behavior is now changed in this respect.

Acceptance—An Overriding Principle

It would be ridiculous to ignore the centrality of the quality of the interpersonal relationship between discipler and disciple. Reviews of the literature that relate to effective learning and teaching indicate over and over again the importance of the interpersonal relationship between teacher and those who are considered students. Therefore, it is appropriate for us to look carefully at those things that will enhance the quality of the relationship. In the forefront of such variables is the matter of acceptance.

There is nothing that is as crucial as "taking a person as he is." My Timothy is a learner. He is not what he will be in the future. But he is at this very moment a real, live, and warm person with a heart for God and a desire to grow and serve. And I must love him for what and who he is, just as he is. When we look at Scripture, we see that this is descriptive of the love of God. Grace is receiving us without demands to be other than we are. And "grace" in the psychological sense is nothing more than simple acceptance. It is saying, "You are acceptable to me now," or "I receive you as you are at this moment." This kind of attitude must characterize the discipler or there will be very little growth and facilitation of the work of the Holy Spirit. Those we meet with must experience grace as an attitude and atmosphere if true growth and learning is to take place.

The Right to Fail

Throughout my sojourn with Christ, I have experienced failure. It is common to fall on one's face in dismay. But this is the experience of life and it has been true of everyone who is human. Failing is a sort of "right" we possess as human beings. There is an attitude relating to acceptance that has to do with failure. I have found that giving the right to fail—to be imperfect… to try again… to approach something in a different way, is a jewel in the entire saga of trying to learn and move toward maturity. Do we not know of "trial and error" learning? Does failure speak of ultimate failure? Are we attempting to teach that we should never fail in this entire process of growth and development? Having a somewhat unproductive meeting with a person because I did not think through well enough what we were to do does not mean that I will never try again. Nor does it mean that I am not nor cannot be an efficient discipler of people. It simply means that I must try another way to do what I want to do.

Criticism discourages the feeling of acceptance. Description of a situation, on the other hand, encourages the atmosphere of acceptance. Disliking because of failure, devaluing the worth of someone because he fails to quote a verse correctly, or harshly reprimanding someone because his preparation was not up to our expectations is not biblical exhortation, nor does that kind of behavior edify, build up, or encourage.

It is imperative that I give my disciple the freedom to fail in aspects of the work we do together. As I give him this, there will be more freedom to be creative and develop areas in his own life that will otherwise lie dormant. Remember the words of the Psalmist, "When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand" Psalm 37:24. Are we to do less for a disciple who stumbles and fails?

Some may object to this and bring up the whole matter of excellence. It may be argued that to allow someone to fail is disregarding the goal of excellence. This is not true, of course. Excellence is not perfection. Nor is excellence the process, but rather the goal. If excellence for the Savior is a reasonable goal, surely it includes the development of our own uniqueness. I have been watching Kara, my granddaughter, begin to walk. She will stand for a while only to learn she is "bottom heavy" and down on her seat she goes. She will try again and go forward too fast and land on her tummy. Should there be a demand for excellence at this point in her learning to walk? Of course not. We laugh, pick her up and encourage her to try again. And she will eventually walk with excellence.

The Right to Fail and Anxiety

When the "right to fail" is talked about, it would be important to mention anxiety. When we try things that are new, there is almost always a certain amount of anxiety. Change produces anxiety, so growth which produces change in us spiritually and emotionally will also produce some anxiety, simply because it is new.

In many ways, this anxiety is crucial and important in the entire process of growth. For one thing, some anxiety calls from me more than I would ordinarily give to a new situation. And this is necessary, because if there is no anxiety at all, there will probably be very little change. One area where this is known to be true is in the area of self-concept (which is an area of concern in Scripture). Scripture tells me that I need to think of myself realistically,

Romans 12:3. And remember Jesus telling us that we should "love our neighbor as ourselves." This certainly suggests that we should not derogate ourselves, but rather think positively of ourselves, as if to place a premium on improvement in the areas of self-image. And how does this improvement come? Certainly not through "self-talk." Trying to convince myself of something that I have not experienced is absurd! But to experience something different that has some anxiety connected with it, will change how I see myself. Actually an effort without anxiety usually doesn't teach us anything. But the anxiety should not be overwhelming, nor should it be induced by the discipler.

The Importance of Cognitive Flexibility

If a situation is to produce learning to its fullest, there must be a willingness to meet the personal needs of the disciple. This means that although I have thought through what I am going to do for the session I have planned, it is going to be important that I be flexible enough to scrap those plans if my disciple has an apparent need in another area. This speaks to the need of our being "disciple-centered" rather than "discipler-centered." I will never say, "Let's shelve that and consider it at some other time." Interaction is important and it is crucial that I learn how to produce that interaction that becomes profitable for the growth of both my disciple and myself. Literature on effective teaching indicates that cognitive flexibility is extremely important in effective learning situations. So if I am to be an effective facilitator of learning, I must learn this spontaneous flexibility. And in this context, let me say that some of the most profound things I have learned as a discipler have been learned from someone I was spending time with in this kind of setting. The discipler is a learner as well.

A Word about Responsibility

Responsibility is a paramount factor in individual learning situations. It is important for me as a discipler to be responsible to get to know my disciple. It is crucial that I pay attention to him—to focus on him totally during the time we spend together. After all, what less could really be considered the sharing of my life? It is also necessary for me to be responsible for creating the atmosphere that will set the stage for growth to take place in the lives involved (his and mine).

In similar ways, it is the responsibility of the one being discipled to be accountable for what he has agreed to do with his life. Being a disciple is not a laizze-faire type of situation. It is "taking up our cross and following Jesus." If one is not willing to be responsible, he is not ready to have another share his life with him in this way.

Summary and Key Concepts

I have endeavored to present some ideas related to creating an atmosphere that will truly help one grow—one in which significant learning can take place. There are some summary ideas I would like to add that are for our instruction and mutual encouragement.

If I can help or assist in the spiritual growth and productivity of another person, I have done something that will be significant for all eternity. There is no ministry any more significant than the investment of your life in the life of another to the end that that person becomes a disciple for Christ. John says in 3 John 4, "I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth." In terms of investment, there is nothing we can do that brings greater satisfaction and joy, as well as lasting fruit for all eternity.

Our modeling is significant. Paul urged those he was involved with to be followers of him. This is a risky admonition. Few of us would dare make this suggestion to those we are discipling, yet we know the supreme importance of modeling. Water never runs higher than its source. I cannot expect those I am discipling to experience greater spiritual maturity than I have reached. On the positive side, however, my life lived in all diligence and faithfulness will have a positive impact on those with whom I am involved.

It is important that the discipler be transparent. No one can be well-rounded as a spiritual believer without learning to be honest—to be authentic. I need to be honest about my mistakes and failures and take responsibility for them. I need to let my feelings be present and under the control of the Holy Spirit. When I am sad, I need to be sad. When I am glad, I need to learn to jump up and down and appreciate the feeling of gladness. If I am angry, I may as well deal with it, because it will surely distort my life if I try to repress those feelings. Being in touch with these aspects of my life will enable me to live an honest life and teach my disciples to do the same. And in doing this, I help him know the all-pervasive attribute of God, TRUTH!

Learn to be a better listener than a talker. This means that I will allow my disciple to lead when we are together. In this way, I encourage his uniqueness and facilitate the work of the Holy Spirit as He seeks to develop this person. We are not to meet and give lectures. This is at best interactive time… a time of mutual sharing. This is extremely important to remember.

And finally, don't expect any failures or dropouts. Being a failure is not the same as failing. At this point we are talking about ultimate failure and never returning to the "plow." Somehow we can set people up by our expectations of them. If I just dismiss from my thinking that someone with whom I am meeting is going to be a dropout, it is less likely to happen. I eliminate "self-fulfilling prophecies," which are factors in the behavior of individuals.

Therefore, let us give honest and particular attention to "climates" that we create when we meet with another person. It is crucial that I involve myself in this as tenaciously as I can. All the preparation for meeting, excellent ideas to transmit, and the most eager heart can readily be neutralized by a climate that does not facilitate the work of the Holy Spirit and true learning.

Developing Your Spiritual Genealogy

In order to accomplish the task of total evangelism of an area, it is necessary to plan and organize for efficient movement toward the goal. One of the most important things needed is a plan to personally and efficiently give support to our developing spiritual “tree” which each will help bring into existence as our spiritual family enlarges.

When you become a disciple, you are a member of the spiritual genealogy of your discipler. Your discipler is responsible in many ways from this point for your spiritual care. When you become a discipler yourself, you are directly responsible to the one you are discipling for spiritual care, encouragement, exhortation, and anything else that might assist in his nourishment in the Body.

We want to list some things that are important for you to do perpetually. These are probably minimal. In whatever way you can creatively enlarge this list, by all means do it. Follow through with whatever you come up with. None of us has all of the good ideas concerning how to protect and nourish our spiritual genealogy.

I. We need to pray regularly for those who have been discipled and who are part of our family tree.

II. Keep in touch with them regularly and continue to help them in ways that will enable them to walk efficiently in the Spirit.

III. Encourage person to person fellowship. Invite them to a dinner or luncheon, or breakfast, or something that will enable them to have continuing fellowship.

IV. Write letters and use the telephone and e-mail.

V. Learn to listen to them as they talk with you.

VI. The needs of each person are unique. We need to learn to prepare special studies that will facilitate their learning in areas in which they have special need. An example of this might be the area of parent-child relationships as taught in Scripture, or the area involving relationships with the government of one’s own state or city. Every discipler should make a life-long project of adequately providing for the means of growth for each disciple.

VII. There should be opportunities for you to give ongoing help to anyone having difficulty in their own discipling process. As you look over your spiritual descendants, make yourself available to anyone having problems in their own unique circumstances. You will share in this with other disciplers because each of us needs to be responsible to another for such help. When a discipler is farther removed, he should continue to be interested and involved.

VIII. If you see a problem with someone you have responsibility for and do not know how to handle it, always feel free to ask someone else who is involved in this ministry. At some point, we are going to develop a “hot line” for disciplers. Until then, feel free to call Emery Nester or any of the board members or disciplers you feel might be able to help you.

IX. Above all, trust Philippians 1:6. The Holy Spirit’s interest in completing this work is much greater than our own interest and desires. He will bring to perfection and keep those in whom He has begun His work.

X. Develop a spirit of independence in the sense that you can find materials or make materials that can meet the individual need of those you are discipling.

On the following pages you will find a spiritual genealogy for you to fill in. It will be important for you to keep track of your children in the faith and pray for and encourage them. When you experience times of discouragement, remember your genealogy. Only eternity will reveal the full extent of your investment in lives.

“For who is our hope or joy or crown of exultation?
Is it not even you, in the presence of our Lord Jesus at His coming?
For you are our glory and joy.