October 9, 2014

Public computers

I’ve never had my own computer. So I regularly use the public computers. And one thing I’ve learned from this: There are a lot of strange people in this world.

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Like right now, I’m at the library and I’m using the library’s computers. Along with about 50 other people. The general lot of humanity. So, just by the law of averages, there are bound to be a couple of, ahem, characters. Like the guy who’s sitting right behind me. He’s clacking away at the keyboard of his computer, incredibly loud and at an incredible speed. It’s quite a racket, actually. So I looked over his shoulder to see what he was typing. And he’s not typing anything. He’s just banging away on the keyboard. Almost like he’s playing drums (gets a nice, wild rhythm going, often ending a beat with a grand flourish). And as he types, he keeps shaking his head back and forth, and gesturing wildly with his arms like a conductor leading an orchestra. Every now and then, he’ll stop typing and stare intently at the screen, as if studying it with great import. . . . Makes me a little nervous that this guy is right behind me and I got my back to him. But I guess as long as I can hear him clacking away, I’m safe.

There’s another weird, old guy who’s sitting across from me. He’s a regular at the library. What’s distinctive about him is; at all times, indoors or out, he’s not only wearing a batting helmet or crash helmet on his head, he also has the Darth Vader kind of protective visor he wears on his head. You can only see his eyes through the slits, and wisps of gray hair. And his demeanor is that of the classic Grumpy Old Man. Almost like a cartoon character. The other day I was sitting at the computer right next to him. And this young black woman was sitting at the computer on the other side of him, with her one-year old baby. And the baby keeps crying. Now I, personally, have no problem with the sound of a crying baby. I even find it kind of soothing; it’s a natural sound and it’s kind of like hearing somebody singing the blues. But I can understand how other people might find it annoying. The Grumpy Old Man keeps complaining about the baby, and the two of them keep jawwing back and forth, arguing and bitching at each other. Old Grumpy goes to the front desk and complains to the librarians several times. Finally, the black woman has had enough, grabs her baby and her stuff, stands up and prepares to leave. But before she goes, she spits at Grumpy, a direct shot right to the face. Fortunately, most of it just hits his protective head-gear. . . . And I couldn’t help wondering: Maybe that’s why he’s always wearing the crash helmet. Because other people are always trying to bean him on the head. . . . Just another day at the public computers.

Course, I’m one to talk. This one time I was using one of the public computers on the Berkeley campus. And nobody was noticing me. So I couldn’t resist. I clicked on this porno site. And on the site is this big color photo of this woman in, well, let’s just say it was a particularly crude and graphic pose. And then — wouldn’t you just know it? — the screen of my computer locked up and froze. I guess they had the computers rigged to specifically do this, to prevent people (like me) from going on porn sites. So now I’m sitting there in public, with all these people milling around, with this hideously obscene image frozen on the screen of my computer. So I’m in a panic. And I’m frantically pecking away at the keyboard to try and un-freeze the screen. But nothing works. So I’m draping my jacket across the screen in a pathetic attempt to try and hide the image, but that only calls more attention to the situation. I can sort of feel people giving me side-long glances out of the corner of my eye. . . . So I quickly decided to do the wise and prudent thing. I grabbed all my stuff and skulked out of that room as fast as I could. I didn’t go back to that computer for a long time.

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Most of the time I have no issue with street folk in public spaces. As far as I’m concerned, they can sleep on the train, panhandle in the park, wash in the port authority restroom or whatever. For some reason though, the sight of every computer carrel in the library being taken up by a homeless person who has been there all day causes a kneejerk reactionary reaction: “let them get a job if they want a @#$% computer”. Maybe if they had 500 computers instead of 20, I’d feel different, but the sight of some layabout watching hockey fights or checking facebook enrages me. My wife is a librarian who is involved with this kind of issue and she says I’m a heartless jerk.

I think if I were in charge, I’d institute some kind of time cutoff, and beyond that you’d have to either demonstrate non-indigent status or help clean the bathrooms or sweep up to earn time credits.

Every library I’ve been in has a time-limit on the computers. Usually one hour or two hours a day, max. There was no such time limit on the campus computers. And, of course, not surprisingly, a lot of street people abused the privilege. This one idiot used to hog this one computer for hours playing stupid video games, completely oblivious to the students pacing back and forth behind him who needed to use the computers for school-related business. Which was the main reason the computers were there in the first place. There used to be a dozen different places on the campus that had public computers. But one by one they all got shut down .

And yeah, I’m with you. We need to find ways for street people to be constructive members of society. As much for their own sakes as for society’s.