4.30.2009

Today, I got in Truck, started her up and drove to get fuel. About the time that I get on the main road, I notice that she misses a couple of times... I check the fuel gauge and she's not out, but she's low. The misses get worse and worse. I conclude that, contrary to the gauge, she's running out of fuel. However, she doesn't die until I get to a stop sign. Then I start her back up and she won't stay running. Restart while pumping gas and near WOT yields results but still runs like garbage. Roll into gas station, pushing the last 5 feet, and filled up. (13 gal)

Afterward, I start her and rev up... sounds like a lawnmower. Keep revving, hoping she'll get better... no dice.

Am able to limp home on WOT. Severe bogging followed by not-so-severe bogging all the way home.

4.14.2009

So, I've talked to the people I need to talk to in order to get the forms that I need so that I am able to petition for the opportunity to be re-admitted and potentially have last summer retroactively withdrawn.

It's a relief to know that the process is able to begin, but there is still much to do. Of course, as soon as I got this information and finished my meetings... Truck broke. It's the drive shaft carrier bearing... just like I thought it would be. However, I thought it would hold out a little longer than it did.

I got it all taken apart and put the new bearing from AutoZone on only to find that they gave me the wrong part. : ( I should have the new part in a couple of days... or so... but then I will still have to make sure that it is the correct part this time.

4.04.2009

[math talk]Math is the study of structure. That is the only thing it ever talks about. There is not an inherent context for math. Thus, when I say that by studying math I am studying everything, I mean that I am studying everything with structure. I believe everything has structure. Thus, I believe I am studying everything. In the math of 2 + 1 = 3 I don't care what 1, 2, or 3 mean. It could be that 2/3 + 1/3 = 3/3 or two people plus one person is equal to three people. In the relationship math of 2 + 1 = 3... a couple plus another person equals trouble. It would then follow, in that particular logic, that 2 + 1 = 1 + 1 + 1, usually. This explains why threesomes nearly never work. When they do, they tend to be 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 + 1 + 1. (with the occasional 1 + 1 + 1 = 1 + 2)

The Arts are a study of context only. To say that "a rose is a rose by any other name" is not the same as saying "a turd is a turd by any other name." The math works, but the aroma is different.

The real power of math, however, is when you marry the two together. It might be a lot of fun to talk about Eulerian Cycles, but it's more interesting to talk about a street sweeper who doesn't want to sweep the same street twice.[/math talk]

[The non-math recap: Math is about structure. Art is about context.]

So, this explains why I so thoroughly enjoy analogies and paradigms. They are my way of teasing out the structure from the context. I take something that is complicated and try to find a structure that operates in about the same way. Then I manipulate the structure and try to put the context back on. Then I try to find out if this new construct makes any sense. When it does, it's really exciting.

This explains some of the strange questions I ask. If someone said, "Women are like cars." I might ask, "So, if you stick something small from your pocket into the right place and twist... it turns them on?" That isn't really such a sexist statement. I am not manipulating the idea of Woman... I am manipulating the idea of Woman As Car. In fact, that question is working more from the car -> woman direction as opposed to the question: "Are periods then equivalent to oil changes?" That question goes woman -> car. But analogies always break down. That is because women may, in fact, be like cars... but they are not identical to cars. It might even be entertaining to say that a flat tire is like a broken heel, but I know that they aren't the same.

The benefit of analogies or paradigms like "women are like cars" is that it can make it easier for someone who is intimidated by the vastness of the topic "woman" to understand them better. Men who don't understand why a woman might be upset about a broken nail might understand better if they were told that it's like having a rock chip on your hood. Where trouble lurks is the place where you stop saying "like" and "similar to." When your girlfriend isn't feeling positive about her appearance and you suggest a hot shower... for two... then you deserve being slapped. It doesn't matter that you perceive that you car feels better after going through the car wash. When you cross the line between "Women are like cars" toward "Women are cars" and then to "Women are just cars" you will quickly be reminded of how wrong you are.

In the meantime, buy used. The resale value drops 60% as soon as you take her off the lot.

4.03.2009

It goes something like this: Binge and Purge. I was tempted to talk about it using the analogy of Feast or Famine, but I like the imagery of gorging and then releasing. Massive input which leads to massive output. Intense introversion followed by uncontrollable extroversion. It isn't a paradigm on how the world works or what people do or anything so grandiose, it's just me.

I get moods. One mood might be super creativity another near obsessive cleaning. But they are always predicated by a period of building, stewing, binging. This explains not doing laundry for 2 months and then washing everything. But then I'm tired of the cleaning idea and the clothes don't get put away. Follow through has always been difficult for me.

Ebb and Flow. Every ebb will have its flow. I'm learning to try to keep my head above water during the ebb and ride the flow as far as possible.

I think this feature(?) has led to a lot of stress in my relationships and family life. My friends seem to have accepted it as "just Stephen" but those who are closer to me find it hard to live with the ebb and hard to keep up with the flow. If I ebb while you flow and vice versa, then there is strong potential for getting shit done. On the other hand, if you're done flowing and I'm still ebbing, it would feel like I'm not doing as much work. Nearly any phase shift other than 0 or 90 seems like it would cause problems. In fact, being out of phase at all could lead to difficulties.

I don't see any way for my cyclic behavior to work out unless I can bank enough to cover my downtime. It seems like I have not done that in the past and I can think of no way to take care of that for the future. Help me.

4.02.2009

Please slow it downthere's a secret magic past world that you only notice when you're looking back at itall I wanna do is turn aroundI'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the oceanbecause I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sunpassing white daisies taking turnsclose the door walk into the streetcatching raindrops on your tongue

I have a new paradigm. Work tonight will distill it. After work I will serve it on the rocks.