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Saturday, 8 October 2011

X Factor: the best of the twitterverse

It's a fact of modern society that television is no longer just a moment to be shared with friends, flatmates and family - we now have a new internet friend base - Facebook and Twitter. There's a certain amount of fun in reading people's tweets whilst you watch 'Event Telly'.

I follow a lot of funny, funny people who live tweet X Factor so I present to you, with pleasure, the best of Saturday night's tweets!

Here's the twist -each judge has to make a sock puppet of the act they want to see killed by public stoning #xfactor---

Amelia Lilly is first up - singing Michael Jackson's Billie Jean. Wearing a pair of shorts cut so short that the pocket is hanging out (is this the new fashion?) and a short red leather jacket, she's not doing so well. The light pink hair clashes horribly.---

I'm happy with changing gender of songs etc but this one is specifically about paternity...---Tulisa thinks it's a brilliant performance. Gary thinks it was great. It wasn't amazing though. He comments on her age - amazing that she's opening X Factor Live.

Amelia's getting amazing feedback from the audience but I'm not convinced. I'm also not convinced that she's really 16. She looks about 28!----

Jonny Robinson is up next. The underdog who would never win in a million years is enjoying the thrills of a pseudo celebrity style. But has Louis made the right decision to put Jonny in his final 4, as a 45 year old wannabe pop star? We'll find out.---

Tulisa's first up to judge. "You are 100% my guilty pleasure". Kelly "I wanted you to come a little bit closer for me". Not sure what she means by that. Gary: "Every time you've sung for me I've been blown away". Gary says he is disappointed by the transformation of Jonny into a circus act. It's Wagner all over again.---

OH MY GOD THIS IS AWFUL. And, not in a funny way. How the hell did Louis let him do this? Jeez. #xfactor---

Gary thinks Jonny's act is too cheap. "It costs a lot to look this cheap, Gary" retorts Jonny. Whilst I thought Jonny's appearance was camp and awful, I hope he survives this round, unlike Kitty and Frankie who I want to be consigned to hell.---

"He loves the Pet Shop Boys" is the new "he manages Boyzone" in the euphemism stakes #xfactor
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Now it's time for Rhythmix who've had their locks chopped or shaved off in the name of pop fame. They look awful. Any originality they've had is gone. Singing Nicki Minaj's 'Super Bass', it wasn't great.

Tulisa - "you stand up for all the women across the UK". Really?
Kelly thinks the chemistry and dance moves need to be made better. Gary thinks they're already the best girl band ever to have graced the X Factor stage. I can't remember any past ones, so he may be right.
---

"It's week one, you're already the best girl group that's ever performed ten feet from me in the last five seconds." #xfactor

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Frankie Cocozza is next up. I am not afraid to admit that I loathe him, so I shall be judging him harshly. "Gary wants me to do my best", he says. He admits that he's lairy and cocky. At least he's self aware, eh? Singing Ed Sheeran's 'A Team', I'm disappointed. I love this song. He seems to emit a little breath at the end of every utterance. It's being a real irritant. He's not actually singing. He's speaking in (almost) tune.

Louis thinks he's got a great voice, Tulisa thinks it's a great song choice and he has great energy. One negative - not keen on the guyliner. Kelly thinks he exudes artistry. I'm going off her already.

Gary thinks Frankie is 'a real artist'. So far, I'm not impressed with any of the acts.

You made that song your own, in the sense that you murdered it and wore its skin like a demented serial killer. #Xfactor

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Sophie Habibis is singing for the girls. I have high hopes for her. She's sitting on a beautiful white grand piano, against a backdrop of a moon. Singing Katy Perry's 'Teenage Dream' in a different arrangement, she's all class. I don't like the new arrangement, but there's no doubt that she's got a lovely voice. I'll be interested to know what the judges think of her song choice.

Is anyone liveblogging the twitter feed of the twitter liveblogging of #xfactor
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The tweets are dying down as people get more into the show or.. more appropriately... switch off in droves.

Johnjoe Kerr (does he have a brother called Juan?) is next up, singing Kinks classic 'You really got me' with a real lack of passion. Unfortunately this song is always dull and doesn't show much of a range.

Tulisa starts off with a feedback sandwich - build up how he looks amazing and how he has lots of energy then slams him with his disappointment. Kelly wasn't impressed either.. Johnjoe agrees that the song choice was wrong. Shame. Gary thinks he will being going home - apparently he'd made Louis' decision to drop someone very easy.
---

It's now the turn of the 'totes amaze' (what, Tulisa?) Two Shoes. One of them is pregnant. They both wear rather a lot of makeup. But how will they sing? Will they be very, very camp?

A pink car. With 'shoe' above both the seats. Horrible. I can't even figure out what they're singing. I don't know this song and I can't focus on the screen because of the shine coming from their garish eyelids. Wait. It seems to be a mash up. Girls Aloud 'Something Kinda Ooh' by Girls Aloud.

'I grew up in a rented house': #XFactor is really short on sob stories this year

Louis is not impressed with the song choice yet Tulisa was 'blown away'. Kelly - "you look like an artist". That'll be the hat. Not the best song choice - Gary thinks he reinvented the song choice and congratulates him for using a real instrument on stage. James: "I tried to feel it in me heart"

No interesting tweets for James Michael. Says it all, really.

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Misha Barton is one of my favourites, so I hope she doesn't disappoint me. I think she's going to divide people - there's already a division in my household.

Singing Adele's 'Rolling in the Deep', she looks fierce and has some odd, adrogenous people in rubber suits. Dressed as the Queen of the Tabloids, apparently, she's added a 'twist' to the song. I don't like it. I want to but I think this is misjudged, given how popular Adele's songs are. I don't think this will go down well.
---

Are we entirely certain that Misha B isn't in fact Paije from last year in drag? #xfactor

---

Now we're back to the bands. Looks like Nu Vibe's had a lot of flack from the judges and the production team. Not expecting great things but they're singing 'Beautiful People' by Chris Brown. Sorry, did I say 'singing'? I mean murdering. But at least they've got the levels wrong and you can't hear them all that well. Veering between awful and remarkable, the only good part is the soundtrack, which is lovely.

I don't think I'll manage another hour. They're putting Kitty last to make us keep watching, aren't they? #xfactor

(I think the answer to that is YES - but she's the one I love to hate)

---
Now we have Marcus Collins. I quite like him. He's a hairdresser from Liverpool with an odd tattoo across his chest. It looks Latin. He's had a tough time in the press, apparently. He's wearing a bow tie and he's actually pulling it off. He's singing Maroon 5's 'Moves like Jagger'. I quite like it. I'm not keen on the ladies wearing rubber venetian blind dresses behind him, but he's got charisma and it's a good song choice.
---

Once again twitter is making #xfactor bearable. It's toe curling excruciating this week but the wife loves it

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Sami Brookes - "I should have picked her in the first place" says Louis. Yes, Louis, you should have. But you didn't. Because Goldie was the comedy act you wanted. I start to suspect that Louis is actually the fall guy, intentionally choosing stupid acts because the producers like to keep the haters interested. Louis is just the same as QI's Alan Davies in that respect.

The new Mary, Sammi Brookes is a brilliant singer. Tulisa gets "a strong female energy". "An overwhelming amount of putting it down tonight", says Kelly. Kelly wants her as part of her group. Apparently Louis and Sami have a great connection. Gary says that if she's not there next week, he's leaving the show. Louis has to admit that he chose Goldie over Sami. Sami's the one to watch in Louis' group. (Ultra Nate's 'You're free to do what you want to do', in case you want to know)

A nation waits. Poised to start hating on Kitty. The anticipation is palpable. #xfactor
---
It's now 'The Risk' - the supergroup Tulisa cut and shut from two previous, failed bands. How will they gel together? They seem to excel in singing into plastic water bottles.

They're singing Plan B's 'She Said'. They're doing an alright job, but Charlie sticks out more than the others. He's more of a lead singer than the others who just sound mediocre in comparison.
---

What they bring to the table is the fact that they're all the same height. Like chair legs. #xfactor

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Tulisa says that they are all credible musicians and reveals that some of them actually write, which is quite impressive and unusual for this show.
---
So the last boy is up - Craig Coulton. They've redone his hair which accentuates his ears. But I like it. He looks good. He's singing 'Jar of Hearts' by Christina Perri. It's a beautiful, haunting song and he's doing it justice. He looks like his confidence has grown and he looks really smart in all black. He's getting some real emotion into the song and he looks like he might burst into tears. That's real passion. Very, very impressed. "Formidable" said Louis. There was the inevitable weight comment. Typical. Tulisa says he's an amazing vocalist and he looks surprised. I really like Craig.
---

It takes a lot for someone to make Katie Waissel look normal #XFactor
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And.. finally, I'm closer to eating my dinner... Janet Devlin is last. The new Diana Vickers, Janet has coloured her hair and undergone a small transformation. Now she's a ginger. She's singing Coldplay's 'Fix You' - a perfect song choice for her. Beautiful rendition.
---

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