1.28.2008

Behold, the first in an occasional series that was conceived years ago when I saw a Yahoo! News headline that read something like "Carter busted for DUI." Carlene? Deana? Jimmy? Turned out it was Nick, whom I hadn't even considered, and which made the story completely uninteresting to me. Was the vagueness of "Carter" meant to rope me in? Do the people at Yahoo! News like to tease? Could I make a better story in my head? I only know the answer to one of those questions. Thus, I present Yahoo! News Reimagined.

Fresh off an explosive victory in South Carolina, Barack Obama's presidential hopes got another blast this weekend from Tommy "The Machine" Gunn.

Former heavyweight champion and "Rocky V" star Tommy Morrison threw his support to the Illinois Democrat during a lull while signing autographs at a celebrity convention in Burbank, Calif.

"Senator Obama has the heart and fire to knock out the competition on his way to the White House, " Morrison said. "He has the soul of a champion, just like Rocky."

Morrison, seated next to currently undecided Tonya Harding at the Showstopper Stars Spectacular, decided to publicly announce his support for Obama in an attempt to counteract recent criticism from former President Bill Clinton and give the senator momentum heading into Super Tuesday on February 5.

"When you look at that final fight between Rocky and I at the end of 'Rocky V,' you can't discredit the impact that the crowd at the bar had on that brawl. They willed Rocky to victory," Morrison said. "I hope to do the same for Senator Obama."

When a reporter pointed out that Morrison seemed to be having trouble separating fact from film fiction and that it sounded like the Obama campaign was feeding him lines, the former boxer took issue.

"I'm nobody's puppet! Nobody's boy!" Morrison screamed, catching the attention of several people on line to meet film legend William Zabka.

A member of Morrison's entourage quickly calmed him down, and Morrison apologized for his outburst before excusing himself to attend to a gentleman holding three "Rocky V" action figures.

Carl Weathers and Lawrence "Mr. T" Tero are expected to reveal their endorsements before next Tuesday. Burt Young could not be reached for comment.

1.23.2008

On my recent excursions with my Sirius Stiletto radio, I've been listening to an unhealthy amount of the Big 80s channel, which is my go-to music channel until Outlaw Country agrees never to play a Jimmy Buffett or Eagles song ever again. Because the Stiletto lets you record songs as you hear them, I've been filling up my library with songs that strike my fancy. And my fancy was struck hard when I recently heard Robert Palmer's "Simply Irresistible."

I'm guessing that if you think about Robert Palmer at all, you think about the videos, and the robotically swaying women that populated them. But I would like to declare the moment in "Simply Irresistible" right before the title is sung in the chorus as a genius moment in music. It sounds like steel hitting steel, and there's really no musical reason for it to be in the song, but hot damn, it's my new favorite 80s music moment.

I think we need more steel-like sound effects in songs. Maybe the Arcade Fire can work that into their next CD.

And you also have to give it up for "She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went."

1.22.2008

Desperate for a hockey blog to fill that hole in your life? Head on over to The Palm Isle, where I will occasionally be contributing and others will, if the first few days are any indication, be contributing a lot more than occasionally. Rangers fans welcome, provided they shut their stupid mouths.

1.15.2008

Back in the heady days of 2006, Tinsel and Rot inducted its inaugural class into the Tinsel and Rot Hall of Fame. Our Board of Governors took 2007 off. They were exhausted and didn't feel like inducting anyone. You got a problem with that?

Anyway, the Board of Governors has decided to induct another 12 lucky folks into the prestigious Tinsel and Rot Hall of Fame (location of actual physical structure TBD). But why induct them all at once? (Are you enjoying these rhetorical questions? Are you?) So, Tinsel and Rot will be inducting one person a month in 2008. Exciting!

Since I really only knew Roger Miller from "King of the Road," I'm not sure why I picked up the cassette with the green cover at J&R Music World in the late 1990s. I'm sure a low price had something to do with it, and I'm guessing that the fact that Side Two had songs called "My Uncle Used To Love Me But She Died" and "You Can't Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd" probably gave it the edge over the other Roger Miller cassettes in stock. Whatever the case, I wore that tape out (and maybe the patience of anybody who had the pleasure of driving me around in the months that followed my purchase), rewinding furiously and listening over and over to "Chug A Lug" (Track 1, and, coincidentally, the first one I became obsessed with), "Dang Me," "Do Wacka Do," and the aforementioned two on Side Two. It was probably the last cassette I listened to obsessively.

I bought a few other cassettes after that (most memorably, "King of the Road: The Genius of Roger Miller," a three-tape boxed set), a bunch of CDs (including the eternal road trip go-to "The Best of Roger Miller"), and even some LPs. And I find it difficult to declare any song on any of those a clunker. The man does no wrong in my eyes. My general aversion toward musicals prohibits me from judging whether "Big River" was any good, but I bet it was just fine.

When I went to Nashville for the first time, I didn't really have a lot of info about hotels in the area. Then, while poring through Travelocity, I discovered a fact that sealed the decision. The current Days Inn by the stadium used to be called Roger Miller's King of the Road Hotel. I booked immediately. Sure, I rethought that decision when a guy threw a can at my head down the road from the hotel and when the people in the room next door were in the middle of a particularly boisterous sex session. But I was still oddly pleased that I had stayed someplace that used to have Roger Miller's name on it. Yes, I'm weird. But so was Roger Miller, so at least I'm in good company.

Tinsel and Rot is pleased to induct Roger Miller into the hallowed (virtual until the fundraising campaign reaches its conclusion) halls of the Tinsel and Rot Hall of Fame.

Five Roger Miller Songs You Should Hear:

"Kansas City Star""I've Been a Long Time Leavin' (But I'll Be A Long Time Gone)""In The Summertime (You Don't Want My Love)""It Happened Just That Way""My Uncle Used to Love Me But She Died"

1.09.2008

Fresh off his co-starring role on this year's Holiday Greeting, Gary Coleman (or someone in Utah who has access to Gary Coleman's wardrobe) is selling a signed pair of his pants on eBay.

Let's examine the three most frightening aspects of this eBay posting.

(1) Gary Coleman's pants (purchased at Gap Kids) are being auctioned off on eBay. I don't think we need to examine that any further. Stands on its own.

(2) In the picture accompanying the posting, Mr. Coleman looks very scared, even more so than either the time Arnold and Kimberly were kidnapped while hitchhiking (it now occurs to me how ridiculous that episode was...who hitchhikes in Manhattan? Am I forgetting some important detail that explains that?) or, well, you know, the time he and Dudley were in the bike shop guy's apartment. I hope he has not been captured by a renegade Mormon.

(3a) Bids are currently at $41 with a week still to go.

(3b) This is the second Gary Coleman Pants Auction. The first pair went for $203.49.

Diff'rent strokes indeed.

(By the way, mad props to The Ithacan's Big Spoon blog for alerting me to the initial Coleman Pants Auction. I knew there was a reason I still read my college newspaper. Ithaca Forever!)

1.08.2008

Tinsel and Rot congratulates Richard "Goose" Gossage on his selection to the Baseball Hall of Fame. His autograph is the only Yankee autograph that has ever held a place of honor in my apartment. Why? Because it was next to a printout of this tirade (WARNING: Wow, there's lots of bad language coming your way if you decide to watch this. Lots. I'm not kidding. Not suitable for work, unless you work for, say, Kevin Smith.)

Maybe the greatest minute in the history of the English language. He deserves a spot in the Hall of Fame just for that.

Hats off to Goose. Down with all the f***in' negative motherf***ers who say he doesn't belong.

Now when does Lee Elia get in? (Remember what I said before the Gossage clip. Keep that in mind before you follow that link.)

1.07.2008

I didn't know Drew Glackin. I might've talked to him once or twice after a Mary McBride show, or said hello at any number of other shows where he was either playing or just watching as a fan. He always seemed like a good guy, though, someone you'd want to know. And from what I've been reading for the last couple of days, that assessment seems like it was right on the money.

Glackin died at the age of 44 Saturday afternoon. According to a statement released by his bandmates in The Silos, Glackin had an overactive thyroid condition that led to severe heart damage.

Friends have shared better memories (see Roscoe's Blog), but I can remember Glackin ripping away on his lap steel at Great Lakes in Brooklyn while backing Mary McBride and Dan Baird as they traded songs. That was probably the first time I saw him play, though I'd seen him around at other shows. And every time I saw him, whether on stage or off, he always seemed to pretty much be having the time of his life. It's a shame that the world won't get to see that anymore.

1.04.2008

Tinsel and Rot headquarters has been alerted to breaking news regarding one of the celebrities we need to hear from before deciding who we want to be President. International superstar Corey Feldman recently posted the following on his website (NOTE: reeeeeeally bad music plays when you go to the site):

"Also, I would like to endorse Senator Hillary Clinton & ask that everyone voting for the Iowa Caucasas to do the same. Our country is in big trouble & I do believe that we as a country are in desperate times, and as we all know, desperate times call for drastic measures. I feel that Senator Clinton is the best idea for a positive change in our economy, our environment, and stopping the bloodshed in Iraq, and around the world. The idea of a female President and having Bill Clinton behind the scenes in The White House again, will motivate the world to look at us through a new pair of glasses. I do not feel that the country as a whole is ready for a President like Senator Obama and may sway voters from voting democrat if he were to win the nomination, therefore losing democratic votes and allowing the Bush policies and way of thinking to remain in power. Please consider this strongly as you make your decision. Thank you and God bless."

After this inspiring summation, I'm inclined to lean toward Hillary, despite her poor showing in the Caucasas. (For more aggressively non-spell-checked fun with Corey, spend some time at his blog.)

1. Kirk Rundstrom telling Wayne Gottstine that he physically couldn't do an encore2. The everybodyfields' Jill Andrews crying as she sang "Lonely Anywhere"

Three Really Really Good Moments from Older or Dead Guys on CDs Released in 2007

1. John Fogerty saying "Pocatello" on Revival's "Somebody Help Me"2. Warren Zevon telling his road manager (and the audience), "Get up and dance! Get up and dance or I'll kill you! And I got the means!" on Stand In The Fire's "Poor Poor Pitiful Me"3. Paul Anka swaggering through "Time After Time" on Classic Songs: My Way

*Maybe Pete/Mike June and the Dirty Doves/Mark Linskey, Clash Bar, Clifton, NJ*Juno offering the proper assessment of Sonic Youth*Hayday (Luna Lounge) followed by Public Enemy (Warsaw), Brooklyn, NY*The willingness of people with cars to drive me places