Show Recaps

Obstacle Course: The Bachelorette Recap

This week on The Bachelorette group date contestants participated in an obstacle course and basketball match with the help of Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

OBSTACLE COURSE

Rachel was forced to stay at a Holiday Inn in the Valley while the contestants lived in a lap of fraternity-style luxury.

Most of the dudes were pleased with Rachel, sighting the way she smelled as a reason to stay engaged in this process.

“Lucas (wa-boom weirdo) is not here for the right reasons, he’s here to be on TV.” – Blake, Aspiring Drummer also on national TV.

A “husband material” themed obstacle course forced the group date contestants to fix a crap diaper, buckle on a baby bjorn, operate a 1950s vacuum, unclog a drain, and set a table. Lucas won the challenge, which gave him the opportunity to sit beside Rachel on a couch. She was surprised and delighted he dialed down the wa-boom, but to the concern of some of the contestants within earshot. “Don’t worry,” said Kenny, “she’s a smart girl and can spot that right away.” He was wrong, because it looked like she was digging him.

Blake informed Rachel that Lucas wears bronzer.

Rachel and Peter bonded over a mutual love of dogs, having a space between their teeth, and the fact they had both seen a therapist.

After a long practice and inspirational words from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar group date contestants participated in basketball match in an auditorium filled with high school girls. DeMario was rewarded for his swift pivots, three-pointers, and the fact he didn’t dance in the middle of the court.

After the basketball game a young woman pulled Rachel aside to notify her DeMario was her boyfriend. “We were talking one day and then he disappeared until he showed up on my TV screen.” Rachel DeMario was surprised and delighted to see his girlfriend and then immediately pretended he had no idea who she was, since he was, after all, on a national TV show. As with most guys who secretly date several women at the same time he claimed she was “psycho” and he barely knew her. “If I ask her to show me her cell phone will it line up with what you are saying?” Rachel asked. DeMario began to stutter. He suddenly remembered he had sex with her, mailed back her key, and broke things off with her in person. Once Rachel began to read through the strange woman’s phone messages he began to sweat through his headband.

“Can we discuss this off-camera?” asked DeMario, “because this is some personal life stuff.” Rachel wondered if he was familiar with the concept of the show. “This is personal and my life,” she had to explain to him. “I believe you want to be here, I just don’t think you want to be here for me. Let me tell you something: I’m not here to be played. I’m not here to be made a joke of, which is what I feel like you’re doing right now with me, so I’m really going to need you to get the f— out. I don’t like being f—ing embarrassed, and I can’t even look at you right now.” A mic dropped somewhere. DeMario was sent home in a shuttle bus.

Josiah won over Rachel’s heart by expressing that he would protect her and by shoving his tongue down her throat. One guy read a poem. Someone sang a song in Russian.