Roy Hodgson appointed Brexit Secretary in Cabinet reshuffle

Roy Hodgson has been appointed Minister for Brexit in Theresa May’s Cabinet reshuffle, the new Prime Minister citing his “outstanding track record of exiting Europe”.

The former England manager, whose full title is expected to be Secretary of State for Bowing Out of Europe With Tail Well and Truly Between Legs, was handed the role after losing to David Davis in a penalty shoot-out.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hodgson remained non-committal on when he planned to trigger Article 50 but confirmed that, when the time comes, it will almost certainly involve Jack Wilshere somehow.

He said: “Obviously I’ve got a lot of experience in terms of overseeing exits from Europe, and I’m glad Theresa has recognised that.

“People will look at how I managed to lose to a team made up of Gylfi Sigurðsson and ten of his cousins and think, ‘Wow, he’s really good at this sort of thing’ – but I’m equally proud of my 2012 exit from Europe, when Andrea Pirlo played the part of Andrea Leadsom.

“I’ll try my damnedest not to let Theresa down, but at this stage it’s hard to legislate for just what might result from Boris Johnson being made Foreign Secretary.

“That’s the kind of unpredictable wildcard I could do without right now. You have to ask yourself: what was wrong with Jordan Henderson?”