Just finished reading through your chapters and I thought I would leave a quick review!

I am pretty fond of the normal vibe your story begins with, dismissing the traditional melodramatic vampire myth. Interesting choice following this up with a stark contrast - a seemingly very stereotypical goth kid who jabbers at length about vampires and introduces an element of genre music to the story. (Though I'd have to agree with the last reviewer about the lyric-heavy chapter.) You keep your character's voice straightforward and plain - this further adds to the impression that we're dealing with a normal person with average thought processes, vampirism aside. A learned person, of course, but still your general modern mindset. Nice job on this character voice.

I don't mind the short chapters - your story seems quite well-paced with these - but what think would best serve you now is more attention to descriptive detail. The last few chapters were rather dialogue-heavy, which isn't in itself a bad thing, but a story generally reads more professional if you pad that dialogue with description of scenery, characters, actions, etc.

Apart from that, no huge suggestions! I hope you keep going. (Though I might edit the summary a bit; I feel the "I don't care" element might be giving potential readers the wrong impression about your tale.) Best of luck, and I must also add - it's really great to read through this story and watch your writing style's subtle shifts and development. Congrats!

Alright, this chapter did in fact bring to life the setting of the club quite well. But unfortunately you can;t rely on that alone to describe a place. You had roughly four original lines in this whole chapter; I didn't click your story to read some Depeche Mode lyrics, however relevant they are to your story they may be