lover and hater

Snow Town Blues

Now that I’m just some schmuck living in this forsaken college town, I get so agitated this time of year. My office has beautiful tall windows through which beautiful light floods my workspace, but these days, it’s pitch black by 4 p.m. and there is nothing cute or funny about it. On top of the darkness, there is the chipper music student, or even faculty member, prancing through every day counting down their workload until break when they get three glorious weeks off. And even though we are going on a honeymoon in January, and there is good reason for no vacation this season, I still let myself get down.

Wow…just saying that really put the kibosh on my pity party. There are just too many unfortunate things happening right now for me to complain about being the only one stuck at work over break. It never stops amazing me how stressor upon stressor can really make one’s perception skew negatively. But when you break up all of the little pieces, you see that this is all manageable. “We are intrepid, we carry on.”

Either way, with all of my sour moods, I’m in Christmas mode HARD over here. I can’t wait to wrap presents, I’ve decorated the house, and pretty much finished my shopping, as long as everything arrives in time.

Also, I have the third issue of Filmme Fatales and have been slowly curling up with it, trying not to devour it too soon. I savor these babies. Brodie Lancaster is my sole female motivating voice right now. She inspires me every day because she is funny, brilliant and incredibly hard working. I started following Brodie’s blog two years ago and it opened me up to a new world of insight. I especially learned that not all Tumblr accounts have to be vapid, shallow, trite pieces of shit.

When she debuted her zine, Filmme Fatales, I pre-ordered a copy. Three pre-ordered issues later, and I will never stop supporting this fantastic ladybird. She has a wonderful taste in talent, and hand selects women to write about cinema and the feminine mystique. But in reality, when you read them cover to cover, each issue has an astute way of encompassing all issues while paralleling a scenario we can all relate to. I aspire to one day meet her. My heart swelled when she announced she would be working with Rookie Mag and Tavi Gevinson. Yet another reason for my mood to lighten, because I have never had such a large pool of women in the business who I can relate to and who inspire me. One day, I will submit a piece to Filmme Fatales, and that motivation is something I completely owe to Brodie.

And finally, cruising wedding pictures wishing I could spend endless moments with my loves that came far distances to be there with me. Emily. I miss this girl like crazy.

Chris went to Walmart in the middle of the night before the wedding to buy us snacks and junk food. There was no way my wedding would have felt right without him there right along with me.

And Kim, the perfect flower girl. If I could, I would enter Kim into pageants and we would win. We would win.

After the winter solstice, the days will only get longer. Then we go to Hawaii and by the time we return, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel in this snow town.