Wee Ginger Dug: The Tories' message is loud and clear – except on their own policies

THERE’S less than two weeks to go until Theresa May is hailed as the inheritor of the throne of Ming the Merciless, who will exert absolute power while parading about in a range of designer outfits, assisted by her minion Ruth the Tank Girl, leader of the lizard people and goddess of the drone army of Orangia.

Like Ming, Theresa’s goal is to wield her power unchallenged and unquestioned, although, to be fair, Ming the Merciless never proposed putting a tax on dementia or taking his planet, Mongo, out of the Galactic Single Market.

The Tories intend to attain absolute power in Scotland through the cunning ruse of not speaking about any policies at all, and by coming a poor second in the election, which will then be hailed by their cheerleaders in the British media as a stunning victory and a reversal for the SNP.

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An election leaflet from the local Tory candidate dropped through my letterbox the other day, and it managed to avoid speaking about any Westminster policies. It spoke about opposing another referendum. It spoke about local council policies. It spoke about Scottish Government policies. It blamed the SNP for actions being proposed by the local health board and which are opposed by local SNP politicians.

The leaflet mentioned the SNP six times, but didn’t mention Theresa May or Brexit even once. It mentioned the SNP more often than it mentioned the Conservatives, even when you count the Conservatives’ email address. It does make you wonder just who it is who has the obsession with independence.

Thomas Kerr, the Tory candidate here in Glasgow East, has – apart from opposing that referendum that the Scottish Government already has a mandate for – as one of his main policy goals the installation of a pedestrian crossing near a local train station. He could have a wee word with the Tory councillor who was infamously elected for the area recently. It’s the local authority which has the responsibility for installing pedestrian crossings.

Oh wait. Thomas is the Tory councillor who was recently elected for the area, so maybe he should take it up with himself. But hey, let’s talk about pedestrian crossings during a UK election campaign because it means we don’t need to talk about the proliferation of food banks caused by the axe that the Conservatives have taken to the safety net of the social security system. At least the new pedestrian crossing means people on their way to the food bank would be less likely to be run over by a Tory voter in a posh motor. Although, to be honest, it’s unlikely that they could afford the train fare so wouldn’t be going to the train station anyway.

Kerr also speaks about resisting “SNP attempts” to close down Lightburn Hospital. Presumably that means he’d be pretty blasé about Conservative or Labour attempts to close down a hospital, and it’s only SNP attempts that are worthy of resistance. The proposal to close the hospital comes from the health board, which isn’t controlled by the SNP. Ivan McKee, the SNP MSP for the area, is closely involved with the campaign to keep the hospital open. The SNP candidate for Glasgow East likewise opposes the closure of Lightburn. I wrote about that campaign recently for this newspaper as I have personal experience of the hospital. It was where my late partner spent the final weeks of his life.

I’m pretty angry that the Conservative candidate for Glasgow East is attempting to use the campaign to keep Lightburn open for his own selfish ends and to mislead local people by implying that the closure plans are somehow the fault of the SNP and that by voting Conservative, it’s a vote for a better health service. It’s all the more galling considering the utter disaster zone into which the Conservatives have turned the NHS system which they do control, the one in England.

The Tories stand for the creeping privatisation of the NHS. They stand for widening health inequalities. They’re a sick party who will make voters in an area with some of the worst health outcomes in the country even sicker. The concentration on policies which have nothing to do with Westminster can only mean that either the Scottish Conservatives are stupid and are utterly clueless about which responsibilities are controlled by which body, in which case they’re unfit for office, or that they believe voters are stupid and are utterly clueless about which responsibilities are controlled by which body, in which case they’re unfit for office. Admittedly, these possibilities are not mutually exclusive.

As far as the SNP in their local authority and Holyrood manifestations are concerned, the Scottish Conservatives are very shouty indeed. On the questions of what the Conservatives actually intend to do with the powers of the Westminster Parliament – what they’re going to do about benefits, about protecting Scotland from the negative consequences of Brexit, what they’re going to do about tax, about Westminster spending priorities – the shouting mouths of the Scottish Tories are suddenly very quiet indeed.

Since the Scottish Conservatives are fighting this election, just like they’ve fought every other election in Scotland, on the sole basis of not wanting another referendum, it’s quite appropriate that they don’t bother to inform the voters of what they’re going to do when they’re in power in Westminster. After all, why go to the bother of detailing what you’ll do when you’re the government in Westminster when the main plank of your appeal is a refusal to give the Scottish people an opportunity to say whether they want to be ruled by Westminster. The Tories are the “you’ll get what you’re given and you’ll be grateful” party. Resisting them at the ballot box on June 8 is a moral imperative.

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