L.A. Stories: The "We Have More Sex" Edition

June 29, 2011

Image courtesy of Hooping.org.

Last week I took you to New York for some stories about lap dances being taxed and a woman walking the streets topless. Well, this week, my friends, we are heading across the country to the west coast for our next stop: the city of horny angels, Los Angeles. Where, according to a recent survey done by the Trojan condom company, people are having more sex than anywhere else in the country.

According to the survey, the average American over the age of 18 has sex 120 times a year. But the average Angelino gets busy 135 times a year. I did the math and that comes to a bone every 2.7 days. Well done, men and women of L.A. That isn't bad at all! Obviously, when I read something like this I start to wonder why people in L.A. fuck more than people in Philadelphia - who, by the way, average 99 times a year.

My first thought was that Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, David Duchovney and Arnold Schwarzenegger are distorting the averages. My second thought was that there is a lot of divorce in L.A. and since we know that married people don't have a lot of sex, more divorce means more non-married people, which means more sex. (The study actually found the averages to be 109 for married people and 130 for singles.) I think these are both solid arguments.

Now let's take a break to watch a gorilla break dance:

As an argument against the findings, I had planned on making a joke to the effect of how people in L.A. find the time to have all this sex when they spend so much time in their cars. (I didn't say it was a really funny joke. Just a joke.) Ironically, as I thought of it, I read the part of the survey that states 48% of Americans say that the most exciting place they have had sex is, you guessed it, in a car! Number four on the list was beach/sea and number five was hot tub. What sounds more L.A. than cars, beaches and hot tubs?

On a final note, for all you Philadelphians who might be feeling inadequate with your 99 bangs per year, let me point out something else the survey found: Philadelphia ranked number one in satisfaction level at 82%, while those rabbits out in California came in at number seven on the satisfaction scale at 75%. Is it possible that cheese steaks make you better in bed?