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Less than super

by Randi Rhodesposted Mar 7 2012 6:05PM

Well that was quite a Super Tuesday. Happy Stupor Wednesday! Congratulations, Republicans—you’ve created a process to make everybody despise your candidates... especially you. You’ve got two incredible losers. Why can’t one of them just lose? I guess that’s impossible, as long as neither of them can win.

Mitt Romney outspent Rick Santorum over 10-to-1 in Ohio, and barely beat him by 1 percent. If Mitt Romney didn’t have tons of money, he wouldn’t have a chance. Of course, that’s true about Mitt Romney for life in general. Look at the map of who won Ohio by county. Mitt Romney only has the major cities. They look like a few defensive forts in a territory controlled by hostile forces. Here’s a question for Mitt: if all you can win are the major cities, what happens in the general election... when black people are allowed to vote? In fact the entire Republican primary process just answers the hypothetical question “What if there were nothing but white people?” None of this will have any connection to the reality that will be November.

Mitt Romney killed in Massachusetts, which is appropriate, since what he did as Governor of Massachusetts has killed Mitt Romney for most conservatives. Mitt got 72 percent of the vote in Massachusetts! The big question is—how is he going to explain that to the base?

And then there’s Newt. It’s like the Deep South is saying “We don’t care how bad your two main candidates are. We want somebody worse.” And they’ve found him in Newt. Once again, the Deep South goes off the Deep End. In his Georgia victory speech, Newt said “There’s lots of bunny rabbits that run through. I’m the tortoise.” Yes Newt, you’re just like a tortoise—you live in your own little world that you carry around with you. But once you get outside of the Deep South, you’re a tortoise whose been turned over on his back and is totally helpless.

This GOP primary is the greatest I’ve ever seen—and I can’t stand it anymore. I actually want to throw my hat in the air, and then start tearing my hair out.