How to get along with your sister-in-law

Dealing with a snarky sis-in-law? We teach you how to create a harmonious relationship with her even if you can never be besties. Here's where where you could clash with her and ways in which you can learn to live with her and with a smile!

Controlling behaviourFrom deciding the new curtains to be bought to opinions on the car that your husband and you intend to buy, to her insistence that she be included in every family decision, her nosiness can be a pain. According to Delhi and Gurgaon based marriage and family counselor Dr Gitanjali Sharma, the way out of this crisis is to understand that she may just be feeling left out, especially if she is married and is no longer present to take part in her family issues. “You can make peace with her by allowing her to be part of the decision making process especially if it’s the smaller things,” says Dr Gitanjali. However, when it comes to the bigger decisions that concern finance, your children or perhaps marital issues, you must be assertive and subtly make her understand that it is not her place to interfere in your personal affairs.

Interference in your marriageIf you are living with your in-laws, it is natural that every marital issue and fight will not remain as private as you would like it to. And it might really irk you if your sister-in-law tries to sort out matters by offering her advice or taking sides (her brother’s naturally!) This is one area in which you should brook no interference because the only people sorting out your issues should be your husband and you. The more people get involved, the more complicated the issue becomes. Put that across to her politely and firmly that her advice is not needed.

Too chummy with your hubbyIt’s natural to want your husband all to yourself and it really gets your goat to see what a close relationship he has with his sister. But are you sure that you are being completely mature about the situation? His sister and you are not in competition for your husband’s attention. She has her place and you have yours. “Relax, let them bond. The more you get anxious and resentful about this, the more bitter it will become. You are not likely to gain your husband’s affections by behaving like a petulant child. And if you are really bothered about it, you could gently tell your husband that you feel left out and would like to be included in their plans sometimes. It is possible that he may not have noticed,” says Dr Sharma.

Negative vibesDo you find that your sister-in-law always has a bad attitude towards you and is usually nasty and unfriendly? Don’t let her nastiness put you off from continuing your good behavior. “Ignore the small things, be the beter person and continue to be polite and nice to her at leat for your husband’s sake. Unless someone has a psychological disorder, she is bound to respond sooner or later,” says Dr Geetanjali. Even if you find that you are not making any headway, your husband and in-laws will know that you have tried your best and will not blame your for the cold relationship.