Thursday, February 03, 2011

Here I am again in Akron, Ohio, USA. My first Zen teacher used to say that Northeast Ohio was like a black hole. No matter how far away you get from it, it sucks you back in.

It's freezing cold outside. Intensely, unbelievably cold. But the sky is blue and the sun is shining. I can even hear a few birds. Are there birds insane enough to stay this far north at this time of year? I guess there are. Someone is even colder than me.

If you're anywhere near any of these places and you miss any of these talks/retreats, you will suffer.

I've moved out of Brooklyn. I've heard enough people say "I told you so." If you want to add your restatement of the same sentiment, be my guest. But the truth is, I already knew so when I went into it. I just thought maybe it could work. And maybe it will at some point. I just saw a video in which Akron-native Chrissy Hynde says about Akron, "I can't stay here for long. I can't live my life in a car." I have the same problem. I like to walk and if I can't walk places, I get too sad. So I'm gonna see if I can make this work. Akron will be my base of operations at least until all the Midwest stuff is done.

It's always intriguing to see what gets people going as far as my writing is concerned. Saying anything against reincarnation is sure to cause an uproar (see below). Same with anything I say knocking koan practice or Zen on the Internet. What's the common ground?

I don't know. But I think it has to do with investing a lot of your sense of self into a specific idea. When that idea is challenged, you have a tendency to want to fight back. For example, I've noticed that if I say anything negative about what some call "koan introspection practice" I get comments here that express personal anger. It's as if I have directly insulted the commenters and they want to insult me back. From this I can guess that these commenters have made the practice such a part of their ego structure that anything negative said about it feels like a personal attack.

The comments I made about Zen in Second Life have caused some ruckus, I hear. That's also interesting. I think perhaps some have assumed wrongly when I say bad things about the Internet. They think I'm saying, "Look at me! I'm not on the Internet like you nerds! You should be a cool guy like me! Not an Internet-bound dweeb!"

But this is not the case. I tend to believe that's glaringly obvious. But perhaps it's not. So for the record, I'm on the god damned Internet all the time! I can see what a time suck it is because IT SUCKS MY TIME. I am precisely the type for it. I'm generally anti-social. I'm not a "people person" at all. I know it's easy to hide here in cyberspace BECAUSE I DO IT.

I also know it's the wrong way to live. It's terribly damaging. I can see how it fosters a lot of the kind of behavior that makes me miserable. I can see how hard it is to break those habits. I can see how attractive the Internet can be. It can seem like a friend, a companion. I know you can mistake chats and Skype conversations for real conversations because I do it myself. This is all from personal experience.

When I tell all you nerds to go outside and play, I am telling myself to go outside and play. Talk to real people right in front of you. Don't hide here.

Which I shall now do, in spite of the bone numbing cold. I need to go deliver some books to Square Records so they can sell them on consignment for me.

130 comments:

Anonymous
said...

"I know you can mistake chats and Skype conversations for real conversations because I do it myself."

Again, Brad, please, just because you can't have real conversations in Skype doesn't mean no-one can. I've had some of my most deep and profound conversations with friends over the internet. And as far as I'm concerned, I don't really make a distinction between what's being said in Skype and how I interact with them when in touching distance.

Brad, when you comment that many people seem to get angry at your writing and at other times you say how people percieve you as angry when you're not, have you considered you might be making the exact same mistake interpreting other people's true emotions from their writings?

Perhaps they are not actually angry even though it seems so to you, like you claim you are not actually angry even though you appear so to some.

Sorry New York didn't work out this time around! It must be good to be back home though. Thanks for talking about how Zen practice can be assimilated into the ego struicture. I've had problems with that.... feeling insulted when "zen" is insulted.... or examined.... or questioned.... I needed someone to point out the contradiction there. It was very good medicine. Attachments are nifty! and yes, you should still go when you can: http://www.dharmadrumretreat.org/

For example, I've noticed that if I say anything negative about what some call "koan introspection practice" I get comments here that express personal anger.

Truth is, you get comments that aren't made in expression of personal anger. Being that it's your blog, I'm sure you're well aware of the angry ones...but I don't pay much attention to them, because it's not my blog.

All of that said, taking your opinion seriously on koan practice would be a tiny bit like taking Michael Phelps' opinion seriously about the merits of ikebana.

I don't, and I don't see why your opinions on such things should upset anyone.

I'm here in Indianapolis, IN it is crazy cold here in the midwest!Would love for you to visit Indy sometime soon! Just wanted to say after reading your books (yes, I bought all 4 recently...ch-ching! LOL) I have a whole new insight on the philosophy/lifestyle of Buddhism. You have made a profound impact on my practice. Good luck with the tour and future residence!

Taking swipes at the excesses of koan practice is fine and all, but, while you're at it, why not take swipes at the dead-headed, zoned out dozing that passes itself off as Shikantaza (you know, like Dogen did)... Just in case people think it's just some sort of crap, even more boring, yoga or whatever.

"I don't know. But I think it has to do with investing a lot of your sense of self into a specific idea. When that idea is challenged, you have a tendency to want to fight back."

Excellent grasshopper! You are attempting to be aware. You are correct. When anyone attacks what we identify with, we can become angry. Now turn this newfound sense of awareness BACK upon yourself. Do you realize many of us percieve this same 'angry' reaction from you when someone here questions your opinion? You seem awfully identified with your own zen sect along with it's own practice, dogma and teachers. If you protest and say you aren't actually angry inside, then other's may well feel the same. Once more you are engaging in massive projection.

It would be interesting for Brad to make some substantive criticisms of Koan practice rather than merely dismiss it. Like Harry said, pointing out excesses is fine but when he rejects Rinzai language and techniques out of loyalty to his own tradition it's rather like a Southern Baptist rejecting evolution when he (or she) knows nothing about it. Perhaps his own inflexibility on that point represents a certain amount of ego-influence as well.

Why would you be interested in Brad's substantive criticisms of koan practice?

I don't think the Baptist/Evolution metaphor washes because one pretty much destroys the other on its own merits. I don't think (though I could be wrong) that Soto disproves Rinzai, or vice versa. Maybe the better analogy here is Kung Fu vs. Karate? Pilates vs. Yoga? Salsa vs. Waltzing?

They just aren't the same, though they seem like it. I'm no expert in ANY of the above categories, but I don't think that disqualifies my ability to talk about any of them.

Ooh! Even better--Brad dismissing Kenny G. I'm sure Kenny G is a fine musician, however, what the hell does that have to do with anything Brad talks about?

Anonymous said...I'm not sure you are interested anymore but I recall some postings about Genpo Roshi in your old blog so I thought I'd pass this news along. I witnessed this.

Tonight February 4, 2011 Genpo Roshi announced to his students at the current Kanzeon Zen Center in Salt Lake City that he had been having several affairs with students over the last few years, most notably his latest successor KC Gerpheide (Kyozen Sensei). He said he is in therapy for this and that he and his wife are divorcing. He said he and KC decided decided mutually that it would be best if she didn't teach at Kanzeon any more, but that he would carry on unless enough people asked him to leave. A board meeting has been called for this weekend.

I don't know. But I think it has to do with investing a lot of your sense of self into a specific idea. When that idea is challenged, you have a tendency to want to fight back.

The lady doth protest to much methinks.

I'm not convinced that many people feel 'challenged' by your comments on this blog Brad, I think they just like to highlight some of your more blatant misrepresentations of the Dharma...you know, just in case some folks are reading your stuff and believing it is actually what Buddha actually taught.

If you are feeling 'challenged' by peoples challenges of your non-dharma dharma talks then maybe you should just put a little caveat on the post saying this is your own personal opinion and has fuck all to do with actual buddhist teaching.

Seems like a simple solution. Then you can carry on posting stuff about depression from your own personal experience and mistakenly think that it is the same for all sufferers of depression, or a post about your personal belief that the internet is not 'real' and mistake that belief for The Truth.

Brad said..I also know it's the wrong way to live. It's terribly damaging. I can see how it fosters a lot of the kind of behavior that makes me miserable. I can see how hard it is to break those habits. I can see how attractive the Internet can be. It can seem like a friend, a companion. I know you can mistake chats and Skype conversations for real conversations because I do it myself. This is all from personal experience.

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. It's been my personal experience as well. The problem is not that it is not real enough, but rather that it can pervade your life in very real ways, the extent of which you are generally not aware. Online interpersonal relationships are invariably severely distorted; it breeds falsehood, manipulation, hypocrisy. When this then occurs in a religious context, the potential offline damage to self, family and freinds of those involved becomes incalculable. In all seriousness, underestimating this is like playing Russian roulette.

"Pleasing everyone with our work is impossible. It wastes the time of our best customers and annoys our staff. Forgive us for focusing on those we're trying to delight."

The math here is simple. As soon as you work hard to please everyone, you have no choice but to sand off the edges, pleasing some people less in order to please others a bit more. And it drives you crazy at the same time.

On behalf of the other anti-social weirdos who haunt the net, thank you. It sounds like good advice, lets see if I can convince myself to take it...I'd much rather hibernate under a warm cat until April.

- A matter still related to the reincarnation one which I wanted to bring up since before it: -

It is not yet known to contemporary so-called “science”, but birthrights only fully develop at the age of 28. That takes place in 4 stages of 7 years each. As concisely as possible: - Through the first 7 years that which man has in common with what we might call “lifeless matter” is developed; - through the next 7 that which it has in common with plants; - (which was not included in what has developed in the first 7 years, - i.e.) through the third 7 years what it has in common with animals; - (which animals do not have in common with minerals and plants, - as I assume you understand) and through the last 7 years, - from the age of 21 to the age of 28 - you might say - what is unique to man.

The reason I am writing this is there is a point each person reading this should be able to examine for himself:

- Consider a characteristic or a feature which appeared within any person you know throughout the period from the age of 21 to the age of 28. - It could be either physical or mental.You will not normally find it among his family or relatives whom you might assume inherited the same genes, - where you might be supposed to find it had the common assumptions of the origin of such things been true.

Such a quality or feature does not originate in what one inherits from his parents. It originates in what one brings with him prior to birth. (or to fertilization, - i.e.)

Therefore a very shallow or undeveloped man might more or less complete his development by the age of 21.

- However - try and check. - You inherit the colour of your eyes and the colour of hair as commonly believed today, - as far as I know at least.

- But as for more significant qualities, - the situating is far different than those considering themselves scientists these days believe.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday's Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

About the Genpo Roshi comments, I have chosen not to delete them since I don't generally delete comments. But the anon poster who asked for links is correct. There isn't anything posted on this regard. At least none that my 7 minutes of half-assed attempts can find.

I don't know who is posting this, so I can't vouch for it.

On the other hand, I never criticized Genpo for having affairs. So it's totally beside the point as far as I'm concerned. Big Mind® is hogwash whether the man who created it cheated on his wife or is the most chaste person on Earth.

I obviously dig Brad's thoughts and his writing, seeing as how I follow this blog and stuff. I think he's a breath of fresh air in a culture/landscape where "gurus" are too often pretentious, phony, sick, creepy, holier-than-thou, deluded little weasels. However, one thing that rubs me the wrong way about Brad's approach is that he so often comes across--to me, anyway--as saying, "Yeah, I'm aware of my shortcomings and contradictions, but being aware is enough, I don't actually have to make any effort to do anything about anything because I practice zazen and am aware of it."

To me this is a bit of cop-out. One of the things I have learned from my own practice (which isn't Soto Zen)is that when you are aware of your shortcomings, it doesn't take much of an effort to do something about them, as long as you're accepting of them and see how delusional these shortcomings are.

I myself am not perfect, and I seem to find new things about myself every day that aren't my favorite things about myself. But I find that most of these things are relatively easy to change, once I'm utterly honest about them. In fact, I think it would be more accurrate to say that they change themselves. I don't use my awareness of a problem or my pseudo-acceptance as an excuse to not actually do anything about it.

'But I find that most of these things are relatively easy to change, once I'm utterly honest about them. In fact, I think it would be more accurrate to say that they change themselves.'

Yes, you might be right. Who knows how and why things change?

And yet you say:

'[Brad] so often comes across--to me, anyway--as saying, "Yeah, I'm aware of my shortcomings and contradictions, but being aware is enough, I don't actually have to make any effort to do anything about anything because I practice zazen and am aware of it."'

That's not how Brad comes across to me. Has he ever written that's how he deals with the shortcomings and contradictions he identifies in himself?...If he has, I missed it...If he has, it may be that he's right - if you are right that things change themselves ;)

"the American Dream has always been a nightmare. There was no golden age; even in the 1950s, the middle class lived in fear of losing their precarious status. This has never been a society that fostered happiness."

- “But I think it has to do with investing a lot of your sense of self into a specific idea. When that idea is challenged, you have a tendency to want to fight back.”.

If there is any truth in that, - it's about the idea that a spiritual teacher, in particular, should give his audience a true account of what he knows. In case many knew that which you truly know about the subject, as any master does, inevitably, - they would also not so easily comprehend the fact that you choose to speak otherwise. - Denying what you know to be true in order to suit the poor vision of the ignorant and the rough minded.

There is much more to be said about this, it is possible to go much further than the point reincarnation does take place, - but I wouldn’t want to do that too, for reasons similar to those making you take your questionable approach.

I understand from comment above and other blogs that Nishijima is not that close to his family (wife and daughter I believe?)Doesn't he live by himself?

Do his sangha members or any of his ordained priests attend to him, check in on him?

I know his circumstances are a bit different in that he did not have a temple, but was supported through a corporation as a kind of 'corporate zen priest' and that employees went on company sponsored zen retreats...at least that has been my understanding based on things posted in the past.

Why aren't his students, his senior students, his dharma heirs keeping in contact with him and supporting him in his old age?

I've no idea what the current situation with Gudo is, but the last time he was unwell I recall reading that his family (mainly daughter?) looked after him and kept the dharma heirs in the dark as to his condition.

"Do his sangha members or any of his ordained priests attend to him, check in on him?"

If the answer to that is "Yes", then the answer to this:

"Why aren't his students, his senior students, his dharma heirs keeping in contact with him and supporting him in his old age?"

I'd be surprised if a few phone and email enquiries hadn't been made. But perhaps I'm wrong. It could be that all his students are a bunch of heartless shits...Or don't believe in enquiring after dying people.

...I read Brad's answer as: *Gudo's students don't attend on him because his family don't want them to.*

"Doesn't it seem kind of strange how 108 seems to always take it upon himself to speak for Brad?"

What I wrote @12.47 and 12.45pm comprises MY opinion formed from MY experience only; I see no attribution of opinions to Brad. My only mention of Brad was to clarify how I read his answer (it was relevant to the question and to my answer), and to make the point I made @1.40pm - a point not confined to Brad ("...Brad, or anyone...").

..."a tone of contempt for other commenters who have the nerve to ask such questions."

It's clear that an anon or two regularly make thinly-veiled, contemptuous snipes at Dogen Sangha, often in the form of "such questions", perhaps hoping to stir the shit. It's a feature of this blog's comment section. If I've misunderstood his/her/their intentions in this case, then they s/he/they have received a straight and informative answer - just read what I wrote in a non-contemptuous tone ;)

The Tel Dan inscription is also often cited to "prove David." Yet few also mention DWD appears in the context of what is states: "I destroyed the house of DaWiD. I laid his lands to waste. His seed is no more (no men, no boys)."

That David was destroyed is supported in the Merneptah Stele and at least one ancient Egyptian artifacts. No wonder Moab was slandered - he kicked David's ass into oblivion! The bastard.

I've re-read 11.13am's question, and it is quite possible that it was a sincere question. If so, I apologise to him/her for any snarkiness - which certainly was present in my answer.

What led me to assume otherwise was the final paragraph:

"Why aren't his students, his senior students, his dharma heirs keeping in contact with him and supporting him in his old age,"

which seemed to me to be a baseless dig at DS ["corporate zen priest" sounded like a dig to me, too].

But it may not be a dig...it may simply be a thoughtless assumption (and one which seems to render the initial enquiry: "Do his sangha members or any of his ordained priests attend to him, check in on him?" kinda redundant).

...All of which may be evidence of the prejudices, assumptions, identifications, attachments and insecurities which often cause me to rush to the defence of DS, but is also evidence of the difficulty of accurately reading the 'tone' of some of the comments posted on internet blogs, particularly when anonymous and unattributable.

So if I misread your sincere question, 11.13am - I apologise.

But if you are a shit-stirrer, 11.13am - I suggest you say what you mean or fuck off (and you 8.20pm).

I asked news of Old Gudo the other day from Peter Rocca. He then told me of Snesei's lung infection and hospitalization. He also mentioned that his family, having never been very supportive of Sensei's Zen activities, are barring the access to him. They release information only through a Japanese student of Gudo.

Besides, a friend of mine who is a doctor a works in a clinic for recovering people, and has a lot of elderly patients, told me that, if Snesei has a lung infection since December, at his age it is never a good sign.

Even if your criticisms of me aren't so relevant on this occasion, there is, of course, truth in what you say. Here's something I wrote a few posts ago, anticipating accusations of sycophancy (which didn't come). I've edited it:

"Just in case my comments here sound like that of a wounded fan-boy, I want to make it clear that Brad Warner plays very little part in my life. I've only read Hardcore Zen and those bits of the other books I can access for free on Google books. I find Brad's writing style alternately engaging and annoying. I don't read this blog in the hope of gaining deep insights into life and things Buddhist - and Brad has written that that's not why he keeps it going. I have my own practice and teacher in the UK and prefer to read Sanskrit grammar primers these days.

I read this blog and post stuff here because I broadly agree with Brad's approach to Buddhism, because it's the only completely uncensored Zen Buddhist forum I know of, because it's an education and an entertainment - on a good day, and because I like writing. I don't always like the sound of my own voice, but listening to it critically helps me understand what I do and why I do it.

As I'm sympathetic and supportive of where Brad's coming from and what he's trying to do, I sometimes rush to defend him when I think he's been misunderstood or misrepresented, which he frequently is. It's not something he can so easily do on his own behalf...not without attracting more accusations of defensiveness, insecurity and worse."

So-

"Fan-boy"? NOT GUILTY.

"...wish he'd throw me a bone kind of fanboy fantasy thing"? NOT the reason I sometimes clarify Brad, but a possible bonus. So GUILTY:

Although there are others whose admiration and respect I'd value over and above Brad's, I can't deny that I'd squeal with delight if Brad announced "Of all the commenters on this blog, I'm most impressed with 108. I don't think there's a single thing 108 has ever written that hasn't nailed it. The guy's a genius...and clearly enlightened."

As my ex-wife and current good friend observed, I display many (but by no means exclusively) "field-dependant" characteristics. I care what others think of me. It's OK. I'm not alone.

Well let it be known that I am a Brad Warner convert, and sympathizer as wel.

I came here a couple years ago as a complete skeptic, then I settled in, and eventually read one of his books (Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate).

That experience let me see Brad in a whole new light.

Along the way I have learned alot about myself, and other blog commenters here, and have gained much by my exposure to the various viewpoints.

Some of them, including anon 108, Mysterion, Harry, Ran, Uku, Jinzang, and many others, have prodded me on to reevaluate my own pathless path.

I am very grateful for this blog, Brad, and what you have provided within its parameters, a forum unlike any other I've seen. I very much enjoy your posts and reading the comments.

After the death of my teacher of 20 years the bottom dropped out from under me. What had been a grounded practice floundered. I went "seeking" again.

What luck to have found this great bunch of fellow misfits!

Thanks to this experience, and doing almost three years of soul-searching, research, and legwork, I have found a teacher again, this tme in the Soto tradition. I am sitting with a group. I've come home.

And thanks to all of you, I've had so much fun doing it. This is really extraordinary.

Anybody’s got any idea what (tf) does Nishijima’s family have against his “activities”?

I suspect it has to do with the lifestyle of Japanese "sararymen": too many working hours, too few family hours, and worse if those few "free" hours are accaparated by the translation into modern Japanese of Dogen's Shobogenzo. I fear Gudo's daughter is bitter with her father having neglected her and "avenges" herself by barring those whom she feels have robbed her of her father.

"Along the way I have learned alot about myself, and other blog commenters here, and have gained much by my exposure to the various viewpoints.

Some of them, including anon 108, Mysterion, Harry, Ran, Uku, Jinzang, and many others, have prodded me on to reevaluate my own pathless path."

I would like to second that. Also to offer best wishes to Gudo.

My aim in lurking about this forum is somewhat different from those expressed here--I would simply like to learn a way to describe and discuss the principles and philosophies of zen buddhism without ever having to use the words "zen" or "buddhism."

It seems to me that finding an everyday way of speaking of such things would be of great use.

I understand Nishijima's situation pretty much the same as Michel Proulx does. N's family never liked him spending his free time doing all the Zen stuff. They considered it a frivolous hobby.

I never met any of his family. From what I understand, his wife used to help out with some of his meetings when they were at his house, perhaps 20-30 years ago. But she was long gone by the time I met Nishijima.

As to why we students do not support him... Nishijima is fiercely independent. He didn't even like people to help carry his bags for him at retreats. He did not accept donations. He kept his students well away from his personal life.

We don't support him because he will not allow us to support him. I think it was a damn good policy. One I feel lousy for having to be half-assed about in my own practice. The more support you allow students to offer the more they feel empowered to demand of you, and the more entitled they feel to insist you teach what they want to hear.

Now that Nishijima's wife has died and his daughter has taken charge of him, I think this is her way of finally cutting the Zen students out all together like she has long wanted to. I imagine she believes this is best for him. Perhaps it is.

The technique of meditation is the way to just do it. In meditation, life exposes itself to you, so you find yourself in the middle of a living situation. This requires an intuitive approach. Using your intuition in this way requires a positive attitude, a conviction that you are a basically healthy person and you are not condemned. Despite the shadow or the projections that may be cast on you, the point is to see through the shadow and just do it and live it. That is intuition.

Thought about Portland or Seattle? Portland doesn't have any jobs, but it's awesome and walkable. Seattle is bigger, but I think you could find work, and it is also awesome (though not as awesome as Portland).

Yes commenting is very viscous out there. There is a site that I visit a lot and I comment there. People get very upset! Its a new phenomena, total strangers never had these conversations before. I think of it like driving, you see a car and you don't really think about the person inside it. When we are walking we see the people and behave differently I think. This kind of interaction at a distance usually shows people getting a little heated because they know the other people would have a hard time getting to them physically, so they feel its safe to go trolling on the internet. At first I thought they were blowing off steam, but it seems like they build more and more rage! Interesting psychology to be sure!

The chapters "The Colors of the Mind" and "The Day They Shot a Hole in the Jesus Egg" from "Sit down and shut up", together with chapter "Attachment, Nonattachment" from "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" kinda answer my question :-)