The eleven worst songs of 2004. Narrowing down the worst songs of 2004 to a mere eleven was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. What, with Jessica Simpson's "ReJoyce" Christmas-exploitation album, Lindsay Lohan's aural holocaust, "Speak," and Celine Dion's pretentious bullsh*t "Miracle," and by the way, I didn't think it was possible for me to hate Celine Dion anymore than I already did until I saw the cover of her newest album and accompanying calendar for the modern "grrrl power" super-b**** who finds solace in Dion's brash self-righteous smuggery. Alas, I used some restraint and narrowed the list down to eleven. Here they are:

1. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Vertigo

The only thing worse than U2 is a snobby U2 fan. They think they're so hip now that U2 has their own iPod commercial. Wow, you're on an iPod commercial?

Other than the sh*tty song (which I'll get to shortly), the U2 Vertigo commercial uses the same black silhouette style as every other iPod commercial with one exception: Bono's face (the lead singer) is visible along with the rest of the band. Every iPod commercial was the same until U2 came along and took a sh*t on convention.

As sanctimonious as U2 tries to be, the reason their faces are lit during the commercial isn't because they're larger-than-life rock stars, but rather, because they're not. When was the last time U2 had a hit? Or a flop? Or anything for that matter? Their last major release was in 2000, an album which was so inconsequential that merely labeling it as such bumps it into a lesser category of sucktitude (but just barely, so eat sh*t). If their faces weren't lit up, nobody would know who they were except for the most diehard U2 fans, and nobody cares what they think.

As for the "Vertigo" song itself, it's a mix of twangy guitars, unnecessary spanish, and Bono's stupid glasses. By the way, just because a singer wears stupid goggles doesn't mean that they're suddenly cool or hip. Oooh look! Bono the rock star is wearing redneck Nascar goggles, let's all fellate him for being so rebellious; take that Hollywood! They're still the same goggles that dumbass Nascar fans wear to every boring Nascar "event." Man I hate Nascar. And while I'm at it, here's a quick open letter to the NASCAR community: quit writing poems about Dale Earnhardt. Nobody cares. And no, it wasn't NASCAR's fault for not making the tracks wide enough. Nobody would watch NASCAR if it weren't for the wrecks because it's BORING. You love the wrecks because it gives you people something to talk about in your boring lives; don't get all teary eyed when one of your redneck heroes bites it, you hypocritical turds. The wall won, get over it.

Anyway, back to Vertigo: this song sucks so much because of the unique tag-team trio of sh*tty music, the forced chic of iPod ads, and its stupid fan base. I looked around on some U2 message boards to see what the fans were saying about this song and its turgid lyrics, here's what fan member "Bob" has to say:

Vertigo actually has some seriously heavy lyric - but I bet most of mainstream radio listeners will never know what they mean - I love that! It makes me feel priviledged [sic] to know what the man has to say - there are so many invaluable messages in their albums, certainly this one will be another thought provoking and life influencing scripture. Here's a sample of the "seriously heavy lyrics" in Vertigo:

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah,Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.Click here to listen (96k mp3): Yeah, real heavy lyrics, dipsh*t. When Bono's not mumbling like an idiot, he's trying to be emotional by flailing his arms in the air like he's so overcome that he can't help but bellow out a limp-dick line like "I can feeeeEEEEEEeeeeeel." girl private.

2. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Miracle Drug

Coming in at #2 is "Miracle Drug" from the same album. When this album first came out, people wouldn't shut up about the hype that "U2 has made a triumphant return to its rock and roll roots." Triumphant? What exactly has U2 "triumphed" over? The only thing triumphant about U2 is their uncanny ability to produce the same cookie cutter sound that's slowly crippling originality and innovation on airwaves around the world. Congratulations you hacks, you've made FM radio unlistenable.

Bono is 44. He's too old to "rock." I know people have been saying the same thing about Rolling Stones for years now, and every time the Rolling Stones go on tour, they prove their critics right. Give it a rest. I don't even blame U2 for this, it's you stupid fans. Maybe they'll stop annoying us with obnoxious commercials if you morons would stop lapping this sh*t up like anti-freeze at a petting zoo.

Yet another fan on a message board had this to say about "Miracle Drug:"

I think that Bono turns pop culture upside down with the line "I've had enough of romantic love." Wow, how profound. Look out pop-culture! Bono has had enough of "romantic love." Here comes Bono and his idiotic fans to make ambiguous jabs at you.

3. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own

zzZZZZZzz.... YAWN. So let me get this straight: U2's "triumphant return to its rock and roll roots" includes a teary song about his dad's struggle with cancer? Rock on you frauds.

4. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Love And Peace Or Else

If there was a list of things a pacifist should never say, "or else" would probably top it. Everything about this song is stupid. Love and peace or else? Or else what, you girl privates? What are you going to do about it? Sing another crybaby song for your crybaby fans? Tough sh*t b****es, war kicks ass.

Can't you hippies just p*ss off and surrender somewhere quietly for once without singing a song about it?

5. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - City of Blinding Lights

New age mystic bullsh*t.

6. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - All Because Of You

This is the one song on the album that U2's arrogant fans can't come to a consensus about. Some believe it's a song about life, some death, and others God. One thing I think everyone can agree on is: nobody cares.

7. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - A Man And A Woman

Great song, if you ignore the ho-hum music and the fact that "romance" doesn't rhyme with "distance." This song exemplifies the reason I hate songs with lyrics. Listen you dolts: if a song has a "message," then it probably doesn't matter because more often than not, song writers compromise their message for the sake of making a song that sounds good, or they compromise the music for the sake of pushing their shallow agenda. Maybe U2 wouldn't suck so hard if they stopped preaching and started rocking instead. Of course, that's difficult to do with Pantera holding a near monopoly on all things that rock.

8. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Crumbs From Your Table

This song is about how America and its wealthiest people don't do enough to help solve world hunger. The title suggests that crumbs from our table could help starving people in Africa. Bono indicts America for being hypocritical with these lines:

Would you deny for othersWhat you demand for yourself? Bono could not be reached for comment as he was stepping off his private jet and into his limousine.

9. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - One Step Closer

This sounds like the soundtrack of a coma.

10. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Original Of The Species

This song was supposedly written about the daughter of guitarist "The Edge." Yeah, that's his nickname: The Edge. I used to think names like "The Edge" or "Spike" were cool, but then I turned 12.

The only way I could ever respect him is if he shouted some stupid catch phrase before every concert like "WATCH OUT! THE EDGE WILL CUT YOU!" That might almost be stupid enough to be cool again with the dumbass hipster crowd, until the next stupid trend shows up at Hot Topic for you to oversaturate and ruin.

11. How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - U2 - Yahweh

This quote epitomizes U2's pious, holier-than-thou attitude:

"I don't know why, but we always had this belief that there was something sacred about our music, that it was almost holy."

That wraps up the list of the top 11 worst songs of 2004. I wanted to list a few honorable mentions, such as "Maroon 5" and their crappy synthesized vocals, but I don't have the time or the patience to listen to any more of this garbage. p*ss off.

Honestly, I think George was probably saying it in jest. He wasn't exactly the type of person to put down others. I put the quote up cuz I thought it was funny. I'm one of the ones around here that actually like U2. Some people keep saying how much they can't stand them then talks about the albums/songs they like. I think they have a lot of decent stuff. Especially considering most of the bands that came out of the 80's are long gone.

I didn't read the whole thing yet Mairi, but it's kinda funny. This is sort of how people react to the Beatles. Even when they hate them, they can't stop talking about them! Obviously there's something there. Not that I'm in anyway comparing U2 to the Beatles though!! Cuz I'm not! I like some of U2's stuff and could do without a lot of it too. They're okay. I honestly don't think they're overrated though, because they really don't get any credit for doing anything other than surrviving all these years.

I don't know, I think Bono can get pretty deep. Pride, Angel of Harlem, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Bullet the Blue Sky, you know what they're about right? Oh, and God Part II. That's a follow up to John's song God. I love that song. They do a lot of Beatles covers by the way. It's pretty cool. I think most of U2's lyrics have a lot of meaning actually.

God Part II (part of it anyway) Beatles reference!

Don't believe in Goldman His type like a curse Instant karma's going to get him If I don't get him first Don't believe in rock 'n' roll Can really change the world As it spins in revolution It spirals and turns I...I believe in love

I don't think people who talk of an "aural holocaust" can go on to accuse others of "pretentious bullsh*t".The main complaint about U2 seems to be a lack of depth. Would someone please provide me with a "deep" Beatles song and why it is so.( Apart from A Day in the Life and Tomorrow Never Knows-I'll give those)It's all just rock and roll baby

Well, I think if he's being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize he can't be that much of an arse. I mean they don't just nominate a person for just talking. Here's some info:On 10 December 2003, the 102nd Nobel Peace Prize will be awarded in Oslo, Norway. The award will be conferred on the individual and/or organization that the Nobel Peace Prize Committee feels contributed the "greatest benefit on mankind" during the year.

Bono is nominated this year (as he has been for the last several years) to receive the Nobel Peace Prize. With his highly publicized trips to Africa, the establishment of DATA (Debt, AIDS, Trade, Africa), his work with the International Jubilee "Drop the Debt" campaign, his advocacy for human rights and democracy in Burma and the very successful passage of the Global AIDS Act in the U.S. Congress earlier this year (in which DATA had a major role in its creation and passage), Bono has an excellent chance of finally receiving this most prestigious award.

George W bush was nominated as well, so I wouldn't read too much into it.I saw Bono interviewed on Jonathan Ross. He said going all eco was the biggest mistake of his life (or words to that effect) because now it's consuming him.at least he's tryin g to do something.Remember Johns bed-ins and acorns for peace stuff. They laughed at him too

Logged

don't follow leaders

Wayne L.

George W bush was nominated as well, so I wouldn't read too much into it.I saw Bono interviewed on Jonathan Ross. He said going all eco was the biggest mistake of his life (or words to that effect) because now it's consuming him.at least he's tryin g to do something.Remember Johns bed-ins and acorns for peace stuff. They laughed at him too

Giving the Nobel Peace Prize to Yasser Arafat was ludicrous as well as Jimmy Carter because one is for violence & the other started the mess we're in now.