Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Being non egoistic is so hard. Well I dont like to bring up the past but for this blog sake I feel its okay. Anger can be so hard to not let go at times. Trying to be enlightment is hard when you feel like your sorround with many people who don't understand or simply condition in the way that they are. I believe anyone can change but it is a work in progress. Like this past Cambodian New Year this Sunday even though I try my best to comincate to my sister I feel like they are not in the same boat. Yes they try but I feel not enough. What happen was she call me and left me a message that she meet at my mom house since nan is picking her up over their, they say nothing about that they going to the temple, they didn't left anymore message after that first message either. I have a miss call but what is that suppose to tell me exp. they don't have cell with them they could at least call to tell me that they are leaving, so I could of drive straight to temple but no cuz i thought im suppose to meet at my mom house.They were taking picture outside( pregnant women forgetful sometime i tell ya) Well i call my mom cell phone too but no help their cuz she said they are not their. I also call nan house lots of time includes mom house but no one pick up. I must of call hundreds of time (not really) but it feel like it. Well turn out they left to the temple already. Comincation is key i tell you. I feel like they do this alots of time to me. I feel like Im always the one trying hardest to comincate to run things smoothly, then the anger got the the best of me. I was feeling piss even at a temple setting which shouldn't be that way. I guess I just expected an apology, not like well it not a big deal get over it it your fault that you didn't pick the phone.They left a message (yeah the wrong messgae), but yeah I cool down pretty quick though, I dont feel any grudge or anything but just want to emphazie that communication is important expecially if you dont have a cell phone. Thank goodness it not far off in seattle somewhere.But it all good i did let it go and i feel like we had fun. My daughter love playing with the water that were bless including Trocon. All in all a good experience and a good day. For me though as for myself I just felt a little let down that the anger happen but atleast I except it and do get over it you cant make or expect situation to go they way you want, expecially if you are condition that way. Positive= Well today though me and my husband work really hard organize and getting work done around the house. lately Im in an organize mood. Well anyways lets start of with the good stuff we did. I sweep the back of the house ( we had cemet back thier and forests) then clean the house and organize the whole house basically. I clean the the living room because we got this nice paino that my mother in law friends give to us. It look really nice and work well with the decor.Im so thankful for the piano I love it and Raejeny love it too. She already trying to learn it hehe. Earlier from that I took Raejeny to play outside riding on her new bike. She cant really peddle it yet though. Then my husband Danny took all the big cardboard boxes to the recycle place and it's a lot, from all the item we ordered expspecially lots of big item, Then he organize our garage and it look nice now, not all cluttered like before. We also getting rid of some old funiture like the tv stand and my makeup vanity. Also Danny put our entry way chubby shoe bench and coat up. Really nice to organize the shoe in the entry way bench. Instead of having the shoe all over the the front door area.Also he had put up the new TV stand that we ordered from walmart and with his brother help move the old TV stand up to the room. I also move the bookshelf upstairs and we use the new ladder bookcase for down stair living room. That also what Danny build. Negative= well I don't know if it just the wrong timing or if its all the hard work Danny been doing lately,which I'm really thankful of, because he only have Monday to do anything and I should not nag or complain but maybe it's the sensitive that in him or negative set mind he project( he do have positive in him exp with Raejeny she mean the world to him) it he just kinda blow up at the fact that I asked him to look at the chubby shoe organizer that he just build. I was putting the shoe in the chubby hole place and was trying to tell him is this the shoe that he wear often because the one that he don't I just put it somewhere else because only the shoe we use often well be their in the chubby hole. he got mad because to him it felt like I kinda nag about the situation. He wants the boots shoe he wear most not in the chubby because the fact that it easier not to bend down and take it out of the chubby hole, I was like how lazy could you be that's just defeat the purpose. He fanaily say okay he do it but brought up past situatution which didn't help and he explain that he was stress and blew up because of his dad. Then i made the mistake of talking about the future of changing his future but it's not easier said then done not with this economy.Then i told him why are you so negative lots of time. Why cant you look at life in a positive way. He try but he more condition to be negative , exp the way he was raised, he look at the bad side of things rather then good and make little thing become big(kinda anal of things exp people being late) and I see that he gets that from his dad , but their should be a time when you can break out of it too. Maybe it's not his time , I try my best to support and love my husband but it hard sometimes when your nothing alike. he doesn't seem to have faith. Although he say he was raised as a christian but he don't go to church or even have it it him. I can only support him but i cannot change him. He have to change him selves. At the end though he would always apologize and feel bad and I think that what all it take for me to be happy again and also why the relationship last because we forgive.Also I hate and do feel guilt arguing in front of Riri which I should let my ego go and just ignore the situation till he calm down. Although my temper is much more patience and tamer then before Im still learning to let the ego go . What happen in the past you cant change just forgive and move on. Just let it be and be present.I'm feeling happy as I'm typing now and hopefully my positive energy will effect my husband and the friends around me.After all it's not a big deal and we accomplish a lot today and Im proud, and this is today experience not tomorrow Peace!

0
comments:

About Me

Talking about my Love for Shopping, my baby Raejeny Laiyah Yuna Pak, Learning about Religion but not Converting. Just interested in life in General.Talk about Movie Fashion, Beauty, Cambodia ,Music my daily life that I encounter.Drinking all kinds of Tea.I like open minded individual who open to debate in a civilize manner.
I try to be simple but yet my life get complicated at time.I strived to be healthy, eating organic food as much as possible.Artsy girl at heart,loving the sunkiss glow look.