Still Here, 2015

You know how the longer you take to speak to a friend you’ve not been in contact with for a while, the harder it gets? Months or years pass, and then it’s too late. A blog can be a bit like that too. I’ve wanted to post something here many times over the last 18 months, but I’ve not really known how to get things started again. So much has happened, and very little of it terribly pleasant, but I think if I just post pretty much anything here, it’ll make it much easier for me to post again.

So. First of all, I’m still alive. There were a few times in 2014 when I wasn’t sure I’d make it to 2015, but here I am, so that’s good.

As folks noticed in 2013, my videos became further and further spaced apart. My energy levels were dropping, and the pain was getting pretty intense, and then, in late August, the doctors gave me some spectacularly unpleasant news which had the effect of sending me into a rather dark place of despondency. My kidneys weren’t just unwell. They appeared to be dying.

By early 2014, after a biopsy, they turned out to be necrotic. It’s a rare form of kidney necrosis that is poorly understood, and the only treatments are rather experimental and unproven. In the meantime, my kidney cells are dying off, one by one, sending me, alongside the side-effects of the many medications I have to take now, into a world of weird things I never knew my body could do.

I might write more about those experiences at some point. I don’t have a sense of privacy about such things at this point, but it does get pretty gross, and I am conscious that folks come here to hear about gaming or science, rather than to hear me moan about grisly body-fluid-related tales.

At any rate, I don’t feel better than when I stopped blogging. I actually feel rather worse, but you do get used to it after a while, and there is a limit to how long you can sit around struggling with your sense of mortality before it gets a bit boring.

Oh, in other news, I got a cat!! I’m pretty much house-bound at this point, so little Tinkerbell keeps me company. I got her from the RSPCA, and due to her allergies, she has to remain indoors, so we’re perfect for eachother. I’m immunosuppressed, so it’s good she can’t be bringing any exciting new germs into the house. She’s a little bundle of joy who takes very good care of me.

There. With this first post of 2015, I hope my own mental log-jam that has been stopping me from getting on with things here has at least been weakened, if not entirely demolished. I’ll try not to wait another 18 months before the next one.

5 comments to Still Here, 2015

It’s lovely to see a post, no matter what it is about. :) I’m very glad Tinkerbell is taking such good care of you (and you her), but saddened by how rough things have been. Still, by outward appearances you take it in the calm stride I have always seen. If you ever need someone to lean on, give a shout. :)

Wow I had been aware of your leg problems in the past but didn’t realise you were in that much trouble. The thing with animals is they seem to instinctively know when you need cheering up and expect nothing in return – other than grub and water!

Hope things work upwards from here and the rest of 2015 for you Ark =)

Thought I’d check out your channel like I do every month or so to see if there had been any updates and I must say its great to hear from you and I for one would love it if you became more active again, no matter the subject. Im sorry to hear about your health problems and one of my friends friend recently just got out of hospital after a long stretch in there, they had necrosis too (not of the kidneys however) and apart from some surgery they came through it ok, so try and keep some positive thoughts. Hope this year is much better for you and hope to see another post soon :)

Hi there, first time I visit your blog. And I am so sorry to hear about your health. I hope you will get better asap. And as for the blog, that it is mostly about gaming, don’t think of that, use your blog! It is your blog, write about whatever you need to. It might help to cope with things, getting things out there. Having some people to talk to etc. And it makes you more human, people will connect with you more. It’s not a bad thing to write about personal stuff with the gaming. Just makes it easier for the reader to see you more as a person. Wish you the best.