Thursday, June 30, 2005

I Dream In Sci-fi

Last night I had the strangest dream. It was awesome. It went something like this:

I was at church and we were playing tag in the big yard behind it. I tagged someone and ran as fast as I could into a teeny white building that would've had no business being there if it had been reality. There were two security guards and I ran right past them into a white jail cell. There was a little girl there and in the cell in front of me was Tara from school. This lady was holding a scalpel and drill and doing something to a woman in a chair. When she was done, the woman had three eyes and her stomach was scooped out. She told us she was going to practice on us sooner or later. I frantically tried to think of a way to escape. Every once in a while, they'd open our cell doors, so I thought I'd run out and hopefully there wouldn't be many security guards. Also, in the back, the wall was a lot like a bathroom stall. There was a big gap at the bottom and on the other side, it was a big empty room with a red door on the side. There was a chair in the middle with a person tied to it. They had no head. I was afraid the door might be locked so I decided to go with the first plan. One of the guards opened the cell door and I decided to run. The girl in my cell was too scared to come, so I ran out myself straight past the security guards. The lady said she was going to get me. When I ran home, I found my mom. She had three eyes and her face was messed up. So I ran to the house next door. There lived a 6-year old boy and his mom. The security guards came in and the boy and I ran away. We went to the next house, and the lady who lived there told us to leave as the security guards came in and started to deform her as well. The boy said we should go to the forest, where they'll never find us. He said the forest was completely dark and you'll hear sounds in it once in a while. I literally "swam" through it. He was right. It was completely dark. Every once in a while, I would see colorful letters in front of me that spelled ROAR, HISS, etc. Then they'd all disappear and it would be dark again. I lost the boy and decided to "surface" to see where I was. In front of me the forest was burning quickly. On the left was an old farmer in a cornfield who muttered something like "It's about time." The flames came and passed me. I now stood on a field of logs and pieces of wood. I looked back and there was the inside of a Seven-Eleven outside, along with a concession stand. My friend CQ was over there. I was afraid to go, maybe the security guards would be there. I had nowhere to go, I couldn't go home. So I went to the farmer. He said he'd give me a place to stay and he'll teach me instead of having me going to school. I thanked him. CQ came over and I asked her if they had food with Star Wars stuff inside it. She said no, then she said she'll live here with me. And it was cut short because that was when I woke up.

If you actually read the whole thing, I'm proud of you. I wouldn't've. But either way I felt like writing it down because that's the wierdest (also the only) dream I've had in a long time. Man, that's a pretty long post.

Another one of my freako stories

Once Upon KetchupDedicated to Vooki, for her curious (and disgusting, some might argue) way of eating ketchup.

Once upon ketchup, a girl emptied the bottle of ketchup over her hamburger. She made those traditional big wavy lines on it. She loved ketchup, and ate about a bottle a day, sometimes practically drinking it straight from the bottle. Her masterpiece looked just like the hamburgers on those pictures they have in places like MacDonalds, the ones that tempt you to order one right before finding out the real deal is a piece of crap between two loaves of bread.

It was a long day at the Heinz ketchup factory. Teresa ordered her minions, not giving them a moments rest. "It's your fault that I'm not First Lady," she shouted at them. Secretly, the workers had been planning their revolt...

The girl took a bite and savoured it. Something tasted strange in it, as if it were not qite right, but it was good just the same. She realized it was the ketchup. It was somehow runnier and... richer.

Mr. Edwards always tried his best to keep the workers from causing trouble, but this time, it was different. Being a snitch among his fellow workers, he told Teresa everything he was suspicious of. This time was really different. Teresa was still taking her lunch break when one of them, supposedly Mr. Stevoking, pushed Edwards into the large tomato-grinding machine. Blood was spilled.

The girl finished her hamburger. No doubt, something was different about the ketchup. She checked the expiration date. Nope, it was still good. Oh well, she shrugged. It was delicious, perhaps even better. "Mom," she shouted, "Can you buy more of this ketchup? I want to eat this kind every day..."THE END...Check this out:Grades For ArsonI can't believe they still have school.

Homer: I'll have this sweet blood pudding.Bart: The secret ingredient is blood.Homer: Blood!?! Ughh... instead I'll have this sweet brain and kidney pie.

Monday, June 27, 2005

...

Tubing

I went tubing yesterday with my friend Kris, her dad and her brother in Lake Erie. Did you know that all the Great Lakes except Ontario touch Michigan? Anyway, it's where you hold on to a big inflatable raft, called a tube - even though it looks nothing like a tube - and it's conected to the boat. Then the boat goes really fast and you hang on and scream for dear life until you let go. It hurts your head and legs like mad, but it was fun. There were cranes and these big black birds and tons of dead mayflies and dead fish everywhere, it was so cool. And I got seasick on the boat. I didn't throw up, but I sat through the ride back half asleep. So yeah, it was a ton of fun.

Lisa : Dad, where are the backseats?Homer : I had to sell them for gas money.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

The Goonies

I saw that movie the other day and Sean Astin and Corey Feldman were really cute kids. What's wierd is that Martha Plimpton (I think she's the one in the glasses) once dated River Phoenix who worked with Corey in Stand By Me. It has so much in common with Stand By Me, like the beginning whe they wouldn't let the fat kid in. And in the end the bad guys tried to steal what they were looking for from them but they didn't get it. So anyway, that was a really awesome movie, except you shouldnt pay too much attention to detail because it's kinda confusing. And that Andy girl was a slut. You could see her underwear in every scene.

Lisa : Dad! You can't just leave us by ourselves, we need a babysitter!Homer : Lisa, haven't you seen Home Alone? If some burglars come it'll be a hilarious situation.

Friday, June 24, 2005

ROSS: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, ok? You can literally see them evolving through time.PHOEBE: Really? You can actually see it?ROSS: You bet. In the U.S., China, Africa, all over.PHOEBE: See, I didn't know that.ROSS: Well, there you go.PHOEBE: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?

"Dinosaurs" don't exist. They're just little rocks that people puss toghether into awesome shapes that look like T-rexxes and turtles. But why stop there? They could also use them to make kitties, seals, and pigeons. But they choose dinosaurs because it's traditional to make giant lizards out of rocks. It's a culture the world shares. And when the revolution comes, rocks will pelt the Eiffel towers who criticize your government bang bang goes the broken glass and kill all the fags that don't agree trials by fire setting fire is not a way that's meant for me just cause just cause because we're outlaws yeah!

Homer: Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.Marge: What's that?Homer: ... A dinosaur

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wenn eine Katze stirbt, wohin gehen die neun Extraleben? Gibt es eine Bedeutung zum Leben?If you go skydiving while holding a seashell against your ear, do you hear anything?If your house collapsed while there's a fire in the fireplace, would it go out or catch everything else on fire?When is "night?"Do fish drink their own pee?How can Sauron die just because his finger got chopped off?I've figured out what Goofy is! If you've read my old post, called What Is Goofy, I said it doesn't matter because it's a cartoon. I know I'm going back on my word but I figured it out! Actually a while ago, like in May or something. But Goofy is the embodiment of goofiness, which happens to look like a dog! Ha! In your face, Vern Tessio and Gordie LaChance and Teddy Duchamp and Chris Chambers! Mwahaha! I win! Redo!

Also, check this out... AFI's Top Movie Quotes Star Wars made 8, Animal House 82, and Lord of the Rings 85. Forrest Gump (40) shoud've gotten one for "Stupid is as stupid does," it's way better than "Life is a box of chocolates."

"You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?"-Homer Simpson

Monday, June 20, 2005

That was fun. At first I didnt want to go on anything but Wildcat, the one that looks exactly like the small one at the Spree. I remember almost crying the first time I went on the one at the Spree because it was my first roller coaster and scared me half to death. But Kris talked me into going on Raptor first thing in Cedar Point and we were the first ones in line from Frost! It was cool but it hurt a lot because it like bends you the whole time. It wasn't as scary as I thought they'd be, and neither were any of the other ones. The only one I thought was scary was Demon Drop, but we didn't go on Top Thrill Dragster and Millenium Force, so yeah. After Raptor, I wasn't really scared of anything, even the machinery breaking and us falling to our deaths, or falling off the lines that go up into stairs. I guess I just kinda blanked out during the whole trip. Also, the whole time, I was thinking of that part in the beginning of Attack of the Clones when Anakin was freefalling. I kept thinking, this is nothing compared to that. And after each ride, I'd forget completely everything about it, like I'd left part of my brain on that ride.Rollercoasters steal your brains!

"Come on, Marge, I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls. I'm sick of eating hoagies. I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero... I want to LIVE, Marge! Won't you let me live? Won't you please?!"-Homer Simpson

Sunday, June 19, 2005

I'm going to Cedar Point tomorrow, I'm scared like hell. I've never been on a roller coaster besides the small ones at the Livonia Spree. I'm guessing I'll use my camera to do a recording of the ride, then another one of my face as I'm on the ride, just for laughs. But I'm afraid the camera might fly out of my hands if I sweat too much and off my neck, then crash to the ground and smash, so I might not bring it on the ride.Have I told you about my dream? When I first found out we were going I had a dream where the guy sitting next to me never put our bar on. When we were going down, the guy whooshed clean off the ride and I stayed safe miraculously. When we got down, there was a big red splat on the ground. Isn't that great?So, peoples, if I die of that, or a heart attack or go insane, Jenna gets custody of Chewie (but don't feed him cheese, Yoda says it's bad for him), Olivia gets my Obi-Wan (feed him Cheetos), Crystal gets Pet Sematary (you have to read Stephen King sometime), Kristi gets credit for creating and directing the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and last but not least Vicky gets my locker and the beautiful exravagance inside it and also the rest of my Stephen King books.Now that I wrote that I feel much better. But I don't wanna part with my Lord of the Rings trilogy! Why o why? I can't wait to go tomorrow! I'm gonna die! Why was I programmed to feel pain!? I'm gonna buy so many souvenirs! I'm too young to die! I can't wait to see Snoopy there! Aw screw it. I do not fear death, to wherever it may lead.

"You know that hard look I get in my eyes? They saw that and ran like school girls with tails between their legs."-Homer Simpson

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Hey

Some people are afraid of spiders, but in different ways. When someone with a fear of spiders sees one, they might either scream and run away, or utter in disgust and quickly step on it. As for me, I'm not scared of spiders and I don't get why people freak out at the sight of them, but I am grossed out by maggots. I can't really explain it, but I guess it has something to do with the fact that they're soft, fleshy, squirmy, moist, twitchy, burstable... I could go on but I won't. Or maybe it's because of the time I kept all those acorns in my pencil box. The next day, my stuff was crawling with them and all the acorns had holes in them.*shudder* Anyway, I made a list of my worst fears I just felt like sharing.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Last day of the wORLDDDDDDDD

Today was the last day of school. This morning I went to the orchestra room to ask for sheet music for Lord of the Rings from Mrs. Butler. I volunteered to help her later during the 8th grade party. So later, when my friends were singing karaoke (i think i spelled it right!) (who remembers brian dylan mato josh and some other kid singing I feel like a woman?) Okay, so when they were singing, I went to help take stuff off from bulletin boards and Claudia helped. (thanks Claudia, you're the best!) When the bell rang, I had to go, so I hugged Mrs. Butler and said "you're the best teacher." (and she is) That's when it hit me. I was never gonna see any of my teachers here again. I felt like crying. No more nice teachers who let you suck up, no more fooling with friends like immature kids, no more perverted tree Shenonah, no more black, brown, red and white building, no more plant with big orange flowers, no more funky tree that needs watering, no nature trail (we still never got to go!), no playboy bunny in my locker, I could go on and on. Maybe I'll come back sometime next year and help with orchestra. I know some 9nth graders who did this year. Dammit, these past three days were supposed to last forever! What happened, Jenna? I was sure we could do it. How'd we let time just slip like that? I hate time! Despite the comments in my yearbook, something tells me I'll have a lousy sad summer. Just gonna be starin at my ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall. Then I'll go to Churchill High and I'm gonna hate it. Someone said you rarely get to see your friends there. Eff this.I LOVE FROST MIDDLE SCHOOL!I am so depressed right now.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Why do I love you?I! HATE! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!WHY DO IIIIIIIIIII LOVE YOU!?I have low-functioning autism!

School's almost over. It's so sad. I think I'll whine about that some other day. Probrably tomorrow. Brace yourselves, peepls. Today we had "camera" day. I'm surprised my pictures all came out pretty good, or at least decent. Can't wait to post all the embarrassing ones. A bunch of people made faces. Can't wait.Check this oot:http://www.snowcat.co.kr/toon/film/LOTR.gifIf it won't show, just try going to the site and click "cartoon" then LOTR vs. Star Wars.I think it's comparing Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. I dunno. It looks cool. I wish I could read Japanese or Korean or whatever.

"M is for Moe, the owner of Moe's Tavern. O is for the O in the middle of Moe's. And E is for acceptance which I felt at Moe's."-Homer Simpson

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Once upon spagettti (Do you spell it with an H?) a teensy maggot crawled out of a meatball. "It's hot in there," he said. He looked at himself. "Why am I all cooked?" He shrugged and started munching on the spaghetti. From above, hot spagetti sauce rained all over everything. "Oh golly, how very queer," he said. A whole bunch glopped all over him. He screamed. Like a girl. It was funny. Finally, something cold came down. It was shiny and silver and felt refreshing against his back, already scorched into mush. It dug in. And come out the other way.The girl ate her spaghetti. "Mmm... chewie..."

Monday, June 13, 2005

I recognize you.You're that little person who thought you did everything right, praised yourself when you were filled with pride, ignored your mistakes like that hungry stray dog you sent to death in the shelter. Yes, I know it was you. I know everything you did. And you're no different from everyone else. That's right, everyone ends up here, didn't you know that? Or did you think there was a heaven? Heaven is only a dream. A lie to the innocently gullible. Everyone is here and you're no different. So get ready for pain. You think you've been through "hell" but you know nothing yet. You're about to get it soon. You don't know when I'll strike, when I'll send It to murder you, so get ready. And one more thing.Hate eases pain.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Bored

Sometimes I talk to myself. I never realize when I start, but I always talk to my reflection. What is it doing there, following me, copying my exact move? It's bound to me, forever my slave. You never do what you want, you have no will. Even if you do have one, it's pointless. You do what I do, never what you want. Well now it's your turn. Come, and I will go. I will be your reflection now. I will copy you as best I can. It's your world now.God, I'm so bored.Watching Return of the King for the 11nth time. I remember when I saw The Fellowship for the 11nth time. I thought it was the twelfth time and was disappointed when I found out it wasn't.Wierd, eh?Check this oot:http://www.milkandcookies.com/links/6998/http://img-nex.theonering.net/movies/gollum_mtvawards_BbandLo.movwww.bigfurryoaf.blogspot.comI like the word "oot."

Also, check oot me new poll at the very bottom of the page. Be the er... third one to vote!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Check it oot

I know I support animal rights but if those cats were mine I'd toss them onto the street and lock them oot until they cried. They're so annoying, I actually hoped they'd died. And check out the next story. It's supposed to be sad, but it's awesome. They mention OJO!

What if leaves were blue? Then the sky would be red, which means strawberries would be white, which makes clouds yellow and that would make yellow notepad paper green! It all makes sense! Nature is just a big cycle! I've figured it out! Holy crap, I'm gonna be famous! Come on, support me, peoples and I'll make you a star! Toghether, we can Let The Hobbit Happen! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood! Cookies for blood!Hey, I just figured out... If you flipped the W and H in WHICH, it would spell MHICY! Isn't that wierd? I'm done. I don't think that made any sense, did it? Did it? Huh? Huh? Who do you think you are, givin' me lip like that? You want it for yourself, don't you? Bilbo Baggins, do not take me for a conjurer of cheap tricks! Tricks tricks in making the flicks! I'm not trying to rob you, I'm trying to help you. Help, I'm drowing! No, I'm good. Crap, I'm drowing again! Wait, no, never mind. Seacrest OUT!

Was with the article in the link (in the title)? Are they cancelling Sesame Street or what?!

"What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.""-Homer Simpson

Non-Fellowship People:Bilbo: Homer (I totally see him getting drunk on ale and being called Mad Baggins)Sauron: Kang or Kodos. (It's the eyes) Either one. Or fluffy puff marshmallows. heheRosie Cotton: Lisa (I can see her marrying "Sam")Saruman: JasperNazgul: Police (Yah, there's only three of them)Gollum: Mr. BurnsAnd Comic Book Guy would have to be here somewhere. I dunno where though.So yah, this was fun.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Almost every young male actor has been called gay. The only ones who aren't are real perverts, which doesn't make sense at all. The sickos are left alone while everyone else is called gay. I know how people hate when other people bring up the subject over and over again in their defense, so I'm not mentioning any names. I can think of four off the top of my head right now, but I know there are more. Anyway, I'm saying this cuz it's so stupid and people need to stop. These rumors start for no reason at all and spread like freek. To make it worse, people, including fans, believe them. I'm not saying gay people aren't people either but I'm pretty sure a gay guy wouldn't like being announced straight. It's sick and needs to stop.

Oh yeah, check out the link in the title. Looks like The Hobbit will happen!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Waz with the EII poster?

Okay, I know I'm bringing up old stuff, but this is really bothering me. The Everything Is Illuminated book is about three people looking for someone who survived the Holocaust and is kinda sad and funny at the same time. It has nothing (not yet, at least) to do with all the sunflowers. And "Leave Normal Behind"? What kinda tagline is that? It makes the movie look like its about someone going into sum kinda magical world full of flowers and the one guy doesn't like it so he's sad but mute at the same time so he can't talk and that's why he's got a sunflower covering his mouth. So yeah, I just felt like complaining. I mean, Elijah Wood isn't even smiling. What's w. the sunflowers!? At least show his whole face. Or Chewbacca. Either one. Fluffy-puff marshmallows! Right, I'm done with the complaining. I think it would be way better if they had a poster that fit. Like them driving in the car looking lost and Elijah with a cute expression on his face. Or like a diary with Elijah casting a shadow on it with a cute expression on his face. Or Frodo getting mauled by the dog with a cute (and hilarious) expression on his face.

That's me hitting my head against the wall. I don't remember why. Can you tell me? Or make something up for me to believe? Thank you. I can't stand not knowing why. You know that. But now that I know the horrible truth (if it IS the truth), I think I'll keep going.(BONK BONK BONK)This time make up a less disturbing explanation. Thanks.(BONK BONK BONK)And tell me the truth this time.(BONK BONK BONK)But if it's disturbing,(BONK BONK BONK)Don't say it.(BONK BONK BONK)Say what?(BONK BONK BONK)Why am I banging my head?

Hey, Vook, if you're reading this, you'd better be in Taiwan now. How R u? Jet lag? Dyou throw up? I always throw up on planes. It's like once you land, the ground is like a barf magnet. What's the first thing you see in front of you? a cat? It's a cat, isn't it? Tell me it's a cat. Go on, tell me. Now pet it for me, 'kay? Nice and slow... nice - and - slow... It it purring? Make it pur for me, 'kay? PurrrrrrrrrrrrrYesterday I had a dream about where you went to school because I got the schedule messed up and you actually left in the middle of school on a Saturday.Okay, chances are, you probrably can't hear me right now since you're so far away. How aboot this? HEY VICKY! HOW IS CHINA??? DOES ANYTHING REMIND YOU OF CANADA THERE? DO YOU SEE THE CHICKEN YET? CHEWBACCA! OH, AND HI VOOKI!In case you're wondering, China on the map is in the shape of a chicken. Bawk bawk bawk! Cluck cluck bawk bawk bawk-bawk-bawrk-bawrk-cluck!Hey, a Madagascar video game! The zebra's name is Marty! And the hippos name is Gloria! I missed Rosses name. Yeh.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Revenge of the Sith was awesome. If you haven't read or seen it, just want to warn you, there might be a spoiler ar two. Anyway, I liked it. I don't love it because I hated it. How could this happen to Anakin? He was that kid who once shouted "yippee" when the fairy elephant thing let him go home. All he wanted was to protect Padme and he tried so hard to save her that he had to sacrifice everything else and in the end his plan backfired. What sucked is that you know that in the end Obi-Wan, Anakin, Yoda and Darth Sidious had to have survived or else the last three movies wouldn't have made sense. I also hate what they did to Anakin. I always wondered why he was bald. Was it because the mask was on too tight? No, way worse than that. You'll have to see to find out.The part where Dooku dies is just like Lord of the Rings. Christopher Lee dies in the beginning of the third movie of the trilogy. They meant to kill him, but he loses his weapon. And then someone kills him. But the hairy guy lives. I was surprised to see Chewie in the movie. Someone said they've read the book and the planet of Wookiees gets blown up but it doesn't. Does this count as a spoiler? Can't.Jar Jar was in the movie only twice, which sucks. In the beginning, you only see him in the shadow and in the end when Padme dies (gasp!) and they're all sad. He doesn't say anything either time! That sucks! He should have a talk show that's on every day. I'd watch it. Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar Jar JarGot bored for a moment. I actually saw this a week ago. huh

"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."-Homer Simpson

Friday, June 03, 2005

That movie was just awesome. I have to admit before I saw it I thought it was going to be a cheesy kids movie. But it is and it's an awesome cheesy movie. It was hilarious. Especially the the teensy annoying lemur. He's so cute. His name is Baby. And the part with the dead guy in a tree right by the crashed plane cut in half was just like Lost. At first the getting-stuck-on-the-island part made me think of it but that was just wierd. Anyway, it's an awesome movie. I still don't know their names. The lion was Alex, the zebra was... Zane? The hippo was Henrietta and the giraffe was... I'll just call him Ross. My favorite character was the lemur king. He had a gecko hat. He's so awesome. He had a gecko crown. Who else remembers:

Alex getting drugged up from the tranquilizer and him going "not again" right before seeing flowers?

"What big teeth you have." "Don't insult the freaks."

The lemur king talking about their secret test idea then going "now who wants a cookie?"

The beginning when we all thought the lion was going to catch the zebra and eat him

"This sucks"

The penguins typing swear words on the computer (i don't think the audience was supposed to figure out)

The Chicken Little commercial at the beginning was awesome!

These bullet points are creeping me owt.

Are they circles or little asterisks?

10.

11.

12.

13.

Whoaaaahhhhh...

Y'all right, I'm done. But that was a cool movie! I like to move it move it! He like to move it move it! She like to move it move it! We like to move it move it!

BTW, check out the link in the title. It's awesome.

Homer: The Simpsons are going to Africa.Family: Yay!(meanwhile in Africa, two tribesman dance around a fire. Suddenly, one of them stops)Tribesman: What is it, N'gungo?N'gungo: Evil is coming.Tribesman: What shall we do, N'gungo?N'gungo:(puts his mask on the other tribesman's head) You are N'gungo now! (runs away)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

If the moon were made of cheese, that would've been a WHOPPING bunch of cows. Also, cheese is orange and yellow and everyone knows the moon is white. It's just stoopid. Whoever made that up should go to jail. For half a day. Because then I'd feel bad for them and try to take it back. Anyway, if the moon were really made of cheese, it'd be rotting right now and would be green. Or yellow and orange. Or fluffy puff marshmallows. Either one. So it's impossible which leads to conclude that the moon is actually made of pickles.

"The song I wrote you is so schmoltzy, it'll make Moon River sound like an orangutan farting!"-Homer Simpson