Since the New Deal, Republicans have been on the wrong side of every issue of concern
to ordinary Americans; Social Security, the war in Vietnam, equal rights,
civil liberties, church- state separation, consumer issues, public education, reproductive
freedom, national health care, labor issues, gun policy, campaign-finance
reform, the environment
and tax fairness. No political party could
remain so consistently wrong by accident.
The only rational conclusion is
that, despite their cynical "family values" propaganda, the Republican Party
is a criminal conspiracy to betray the interests of the American people
in
favor of plutocratic and corporate interests, and absolutist religious groups.

spin the rubes, Dreier is there on TV, virtually seven days a week. His skills as
a sophist -- he will shame-
lessly argue any Republican talking point, no
matter how transparently false -- ensure that his is a rising star in the GOP
apparat. We predict he will be drafted as a VP nominee, when Cheney's "health problems"
force him to decline.

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I always get a chuckle when I hear Dubya quoted about talking to "God" or his "Heavenly
Father." Those are his favorite nicknames for me (beats Turd-Blossum).

FB: Sweet, but what about Congress? The Dems will never go for it.

VP:
Don't worry about Congress. Karl can manage the political end. Hell, between
Karl and Tom DeLay, they could get a Republican majority to pass a resolution
praising child pornography. The Dems are amateurs -- much too disorganized
to ever mount an effective opposition.

ZM: What about the president?
He's on board with this?

VP: As I told you, this is strictly on a
need-to-know basis. We'll brief him when the time comes.

MG:
Won't this look like we're helping the Israelis? Won't this make those Arabs even
more pissed off than they already are? They've got the oil. What have the Kikes
ever done for us?

RS: The damn Jews are trying to take over
the world...

KR: Please! Try to remember that while the Christers
may hate the Jews, they just loooove Israel. Some hocum about biblical prophecy
or something. As for the Arabs, who gives a shit? The last time I looked
they hadn't contributed much to Bush-Cheney. Fuck 'em.

VP: Karl's
right. Keeping the Jesus lobby happy is essential to our '04 re-election strategy.
Don't worry
about it. They're too stupid to know when they're being
screwed -- we just throw some catnip their way once
in a while.
That's Dub's job.

FB: And you're certain that when the body bags start
coming home you'll be able to put a positive spin on
this? I can see
the headlines now; blood for oil, imperialism, fascism, etc.

VP: As a matter of fact, we'll be able to
exploit any domestic opposition to our invasion of Iraq in the '02 mid-term elections.
I'm assured that the invasion will be
a cake-walk. Our soldiers
will be greeted as liberators. Again, it's a win-win situation.

KR:
Picture this, President Bush in a flight suit doing a victory lap over Baghdad.
The propaganda value will be priceless.

ZM: That all great, but
with all due respect to you and Karl's PR expertise, how will you ever sell
this to the public?

VP: We've got that covered. I can't say more about
it
right now, but we've got a big event coming up this September that
will make sure that the American public
is clamoring for war.

RT:
Still, there's going to be a lot of dead Americans. Surely the president will
face some heat when the bodies of dead GIs start coming in.

VP:
That's what soldiers are for. That's what we pay them for. As Karl says,
fuck 'em.

ZM: If any of this ever leaks out, there'll be
hell to pay.

VP: That won't happen. As long as our friends on the
Supreme Court are there, we have nothing to worry about. Any questions?
Okay, thanks for coming -- we'll keep you posted. And remember, mum's the
word.

KR: Thanks, Dick. First,
and this
will make you happy Ken, we've got a plan to disrupt the California
economy by squeezing billions out of their unregulated energy market. All
we got to do is shut down some of their electrical plants "for main-
tenance"
(quotation gestures with fingers) and let the free market do the rest. We
calculate that this can result in escalating their energy costs by up to 1000%.

KL:
Hey, sounds extra good!

KR: Wait, it gets better. By
crip-
pling the California economy, we
can drain the Democrats' financial
base, since as you all know, California is overwhelmingly Democratic.

RS:
Can't we just accidentally nuke them or something?

KR:
I'd like that as much as you, Richard, but with this approach we can make billions
while hurting our political enemies. We can even spin this to blame the California
Dems -- maybe even stage a recall or something and get a Republican governor
installed.

RS: I'm not an oil man, what's in it for me?

KR:
Assume we can stage a coup
in California, we'll then have
control of their elections, and as you know from Florida in 2000, a friendly state
government can make the difference in a close election. With control of the
California election results, our
re-election will be virtually guaran-
teed.
Then you'll get your payday. Everything you want; a rollback of civil
rights laws, environmental regs, everything. It's a win-win for us.

KR: Furthermore, we're
working on another project that will greatly
enhance our friends in the
energy sector's profits and at the same time assist Bush-Cheney in 2004. Mr. Vice
President?

VP: Thank you Karl. I must again stress the need for
your utmost secrecy. I present to you Operation Iraq Liberation (laying out a map
of Iraq). We plan to invade Iraq and depose Saddam Hussein. As you can see from
the map, the oil concessions have already been allocated -- proportional to
oil
company contributions to us.