Friday, September 20, 2013

Hold That Camera , I need a Wedding DP

I want to take this opportunity to throw light on all those people who have been grabbing the spotlight on my Facebook Timeline (hopefully yours too) by posting innumerable amount of visual diarrhea . Only about a wedding.
I know it's the highlight of every Indian's life when she is married, lately men have jumped in the "band" wagon too.
An Indian Marriage is like a collective celebratory orgasm. Everybody in that wedding thinks the wedding is about them. It is that one moment in their lives when staring at one another and at the Buffet is considered mass culture. It is at this moment that people from all age groups become one soul, a 5 year old hungry soul.
If on one side we have the hungry lot, the other half is the hungry for attention lot.
If you're in a real wedding, there'd be those annoying salad-with-raita eating girls who'd be posing using their camera smart phones. First of all , how can you go to a wedding and have manufactured yogurt? Second of all, You think the heavily dressed bride wants to see you sport a backless choli while she secretly hopes her clothes catch fire just to get rid of them?
Every bit of that could be tolerated too you know, until it reached my Facebook timeline.
My time line looked like it could give any wedding album a kick in the nuts. Not just any regular wedding album, a wedding album comprising of indefinite posers. Girls had hijacked every filter there existed and while Instagram cried in pain, Facebook died in vain. (Micro poetry)
Being an Indian girl, like I do not have enough pressure on me to find a "suitable boy", you really bloody think I need your cosmetically evolved back pimping around my page? Best friend's wedding to some wedding, Seen them ALL, cursed them all. Let me clarify, I am not advocating an album less profile, but posting every single minute of your attendance to a wedding is something I just cannot torture my eyes with.
It's a known fact that women are constantly competing, mostly with one another. So if one girl posts a picture where she looks like Aishwarya Rai, be assured, Facebook will look as close to a wedding cat fight. This fight not only targets your face, it ranges from your attire to your hair and the best duck face that existed. For guys , this works a little differently. While girls would be busy ran sacking the washrooms with cosmetics, guys would simply act cool and head towards the bar. The only mission in their heads is to reach no phone camera and straight inside the bar table. That's how easy they are.
Finally, the after effects of such a blasphemy doesn't just end at you, the real deal is facing your parents. Mothers and fathers who joined Facebook and happen to be in their children's friend list stab the little remaining of you. The rest of the week is spent in discussing Lehengas, wedding decorations, the when-are-you-doing-it talk and a whole bunch of wedding crap I personally cannot stand.
So for the love of single hood and less-social humanity, do not let us know what you looked like in a wedding where nobody knows who the bride really is.

3 comments:

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