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Frog-in-cola with monkey recreation as advanced by paragraph-filling nut cultists.

SHQKV'Z'DHUM, Earth, Friday (UNN Science) -- A Fyrkwghi researcher has announced the rare find of a tiny tree frog completely preserved in a "Coca-Cola" formation, estimated to be 25 million years old.

The chunk of glass containing the 10mm frog was uncovered by a trash miner in Chiapas, North America City on stardate 25002005.

Biologist G'Rhyyyardu Cr'xbat, of the Chiapas Natural History and Ecology Institute, said it was the first such frog found in natural bottles around Chiapas. He would like to extract a sample from the frog's remains to see if they contain well-preserved DNA, in order to identify the frog's species and of course recreate dinosaurs from 80 million years ago, as is de rigeur for frog DNA samples.

Only a few preserved lifeforms have been found in Coca-Cola formations. These are glassy mineral formations found in natural trash formations around the world, of a curved bottle-like shape. The geological process for their formation is not well understood.

One sect of science cultists claims the Coca-Cola formations are too regular to be natural and are thus evidence of intelligent monkey-like lifeforms that lived millions of years before our giant lizard ancestors evolved to sentience, though this belief is widely derided and is only really used as filler in science news articles that are themselves filler in the silly season.