In A Birth Mother’s Words – Reasons For Placement

In domestic adoption, a birth mother chooses the parent(s) she wants to adopt her child. As an adoption attorney, prospective parents often ask me why birth mothers place their babies for adoption. I have compiled a small sample of responses to this question, written by birth mothers in our program. These honest answers shed light on why a birth mother places her baby for adoption.

“I got pregnant unexpectedly. I have 3 beautiful children already and need help taking care of them. I didn’t want to get an abortion but I can’t afford to keep the baby. I decided this was an opportunity to help a wonderful family who, for some reason, can’t have children. I want to fulfill their dreams of having a family.” – Mandy

“As a graduate student, I have neither the time nor financial resources to raise a child. I do want a family with children one day, when I’m ready, but in the meantime I view this pregnancy as an opportunity to help a couple complete their family. I want to be able to provide my children with every resource I can. My hope is to find an adoptive family willing and able to provide a stable, nurturing environment for this baby.” -Jennifer

“A child deserves the best of everything including a loving and caring family with parent(s) seeing them as the most precious thing. With what I’m going through now, that’s not something I’m able to offer. I believe a child should be raised by a close and loving family which only creates better opportunities for the baby to grow into a loving, compassionate, respectful, responsible, secure and happy person. I can’t provide any of that for my baby at this time.” -Dee

“I feel that I am not financially stable enough to provide for a baby on my own. The baby’s father lives 3 hours away from me. He would also not be able to help me take care of the baby. We aren’t in a stable relationship and we don’t want our baby to be raised by teenagers.” -Alexandria

“I can’t give this child the life he or she deserves. This child deserves to be with a family that can give them the world and won’t have to struggle. I love this child with all my heart and that is why I am placing he or she with a wonderful family.” -Danielle

“I’m currently a freshman in college and I feel that I would be an unfit mother at this time. Although I would love the child immensely, I would struggle with furthering my education, working and raising the child. Also, I would not be able to give the child all of the opportunities that adoptive parents would.” -Emma

“I know people say it’s not about the money you have, but the love you give. But love won’t feed a child, it won’t buy them coats to keep them warm in the winter and it won’t keep a roof over their head. I saw my parents fight over expenses and I saw the hurt in their eyes when they couldn’t even afford to buy us dinner. I don’t want that for my child. This baby should have all of the best opportunities – a good childhood, schooling, college if they want and a loving family. I can’t even be sure I could give the baby 3 meals a day. I have love but this child deserves more than that.” -Rebecca

“I am not ready financially to be a parent especially if I have to do this on my own. I want what’s best for this little girl and I don’t believe it’s fair to bring a child into my situation. I know there is a family that is ready and stable and wants to have a child. I’m not in a place in my life to raise a child properly and give them what they need.” -Elizabeth