Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Is there a magic cutoff period whenOffspring become accountable for their ownActions? Is there a wonderful moment whenParents can become detached spectators inThe lives of their children and shrug, "It'sTheir life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties , I stood in a hospitalCorridor waiting for doctors to put a fewStitches in my daughter's head. I asked, "When doYou stop worrying?" The nurse said,"When they get out of the accident stage." MyDad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties , I sat on a littleChair in a classroom and heard how one of myChildren talked incessantly, disrupted the class,And was headed for a career makingLicense plates. As if to read my mind, a teacherSaid, "Don't worry, they all go throughThis stage and then you can sit back, relax andEnjoy them." My dad just smiledFaintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties , I spent a lifetimeWaiting for the phone to ring, the cars to comeHome, the front door to open. A friend said,"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry,In a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll beAdults." My dad just smiled faintlyAnd said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of beingVulnerable. I was still worrying over myChildren, but there was a new wrinkle. ThereWas nothing I could do about it. MyDad just smiled faintly and said nothing. IContinued to anguish over their failures, beTormented by their frustrations and absorbed inTheir disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married ICould stop worrying and lead my ownLife. I wanted to believe that, but I wasHaunted by my dad's warm smile and hisOccasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?Call me the minute you get home. AreYou depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to aLifetime of worry? Is concern for one anotherHanded down like a torch to blaze the trail ofHuman frailties and the fears of theUnknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtueThat elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritableRecently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've beenCalling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried."I smiled a warm smile.The torch has been passed.