Memories of Luke: 'He'd be looking at the final year at school'

Rosie Batty is an incredible woman. Since the death of her son Luke in 2014 at the hands of her ex, Batty, 57, has devoted her life to saving victims of family and domestic violence.

Her son Luke, 11, was murdered by his father after a prolonged legal and custody battle with Batty. The man had a history of mental illness and police were aware of the danger the mother and son faced.

It later emerged that Rosie and Luke Batty had been let down by law enforcement and the legal system multiple times, as are tens of thousands of Australian women and children.

Since her only child's death, Batty has incredibly managed to find the strength to continue to share her story and fight for women and children still living in incredibly dangerous situations.

Her latest move is to try and influence change in the Victorian legal system by partnering with the Women's Legal Service to recommend urgent reforms that are needed to support victims of family and domestic violence.

Luke Batty was murdered by his father in 2014 at a cricket ground in Melbourne. (Supplied)

"I guess for me, I'm not a lawyer, I don't work with the family court system and I rely on advocacy and knowledge and experience," she tells 9Honey. "The Women's Legal Service is on the front line protecting and advocating for women and have been for decades.

"This really is their area of expertise."

Batty is urging the government to adopt the proposed changes that have to happen NOW that focus on "safety first" when it comes to protecting women and children from family violence.

Ensure family law professionals have real understanding of family violence;

Increase access to safe dispute resolution models

Overcome the gaps between the family law, family violence and child protection systems.

Batty says over the past five years since her son's death she has received hundreds and hundreds of letters and emails and messages from women caught up in the system, unable to protect themselves and their children.

The funeral notice from the boy's funeral in 2014. (Supplied)

"It's really helped me understand the scale of the problem," she says. "The main thing failing these people is a system that is overwhelmed, underfunded and under-resourced."

Batty explains that the vast majority of matters that end up in family court are those that can't be solved through mutual agreement or mediation, which means they are complex.

"And approximately 70 percent of them have included family and domestic violence," she says.

"We have a system that is unable to cope with these complexities and people who don't have the professional training and experience to deal with them, which leaves women and children at risk," she says.

"Unfortunately it's the people who the system has failed who reach out to me, who are compromised and despondent and broken, and in some instances they've spent tens of thousands of dollars," she continues. "I don't know how people can find that sort of money.

"The main thing is failing these people is a system that is overwhelmed, underfunded and under-resourced."

"Usually they have to borrow it from family members or take out a loan or a mortgage which puts them under significant financial pressure," she says. "The worst outcomes are for those who can't afford legal representation.

"For those with money to have more success, it's very unfair."

Added to the financial strain is the fact the average family court case in Australia takes up to three years to even begin from the point of separation.

"That's a significant part of a child's life," she says.

Batty as partnered with the Women's Legal Service in Victoria to recommend the changes. (Supplied)

She adds that the psychological impact of having escaped a violent situation, and then struggling through the legal system in order to keep themselves and their children safe, can be severe, leading victims to seek help for anxiety and depression as they struggle to cope.

"This is then used against them in court, to discredit people," she says. "It's a really alarming consequence of a system that becomes part of the abuse."

For her children

Sandra* is a single mother-of-three who has been fighting for custody of her children in family court for years. She says she has felt unsafe during family court proceedings on multiple occasions.

"I've felt unsafe going to and from the family court, after parking my car and walking into the court," she tells 9Honey. "Once inside I asked for a 'safe room'. I didn't feel safe during the mediation session, which we were forced to attend to receive the Section 60I Certificate that would enable us to pursue our matter in family court.

"I was forced to sit in a room with my ex," she continues. "I was in the corner of the room and my ex was sitting by the door. I was shaking and crying for the duration of the session and the court reporter didn't write anything about it."

So far, Sandra estimates she has spent in excess of $150,000 or her fight for her kids.

The new reforms put the safety of women and children first. (Supplied)

"This doesn't take into account my loss of earnings after he decided to stop picking our children up after school forcing me to reduce my work hours," she says.

Sandra has been in the legal system for over four years and says the trauma of the process has impacted her mental and physical health.

She says some days are harder than other but she tries to focus on the fact that each day brings her a step closer to the end of the abuse she has dealt with for years.

"The proceedings in the court have worn me down and have taken a toll on me," she says. "It feels like a form of mental torture."

"I was shaking and crying for the duration of the session and the court reporter didn't write anything about it."

Sandra says the legal system fails to keep victims of family and domestic violence safe.

"You cannot protect your children during the proceedings, or after them," she says. The court struggles to see the psychological affect on children in these disputes.

"There is a constant fear that my ex will harm my children," she continues. "There is also so much instability and confusion while the matter is 'in the queue' that the effect on the children can only be described as chronic insecurity."

Sandra would like to see every family court case that includes evidence of domestic and family violence to be handled differently, and for the perpetrators to be denied access to their children in order to stop the cycle of violence that continues in Australia.

"Men who perpetrate domestic violence, are not good dads," she says. "Even if their violence was never at their children."

Sandra says she often wonders if she made the right decision to go to family court to retain custody of her children, or if she should have walked away.

"I know some mums have had to do this, though a lack of financial or emotional resources," she says. "90 percent of the time I know I am doing the right thing for them but the other 10 percent of the time I really do struggle with it.

"Walking away would have meant walking away for good - as he would have alienated them from me entirely," she says.

She's also been a victim of stigma and judgement, with doctors, teachers and others asking why they can't just "work it out", that it "would be great for the kids if you could get along" and "you two should put the kids first".

"This assumes both parents are willing participants and there is no victim," she says. "Now I stand up to those comments and take my power back.

"I never wanted to be in this situation and I never thought he would follow through on these threats he made," she says "I wish I knew then what I know now, but more than that - I wish he wasn't choosing to perpetrate domestic and family violence on me or my kids."

Rosie's mission to save lives

Since Rosie Batty lost her son to domestic and family violence in 2014, she has struggled to cope, particularly when she receives so many stories similar to hers that serve as a constant reminder not enough has changed to protect women and children.

"To be honest I have to say it has really overwhelmed me," she says. "It has been really difficult at times and has really affected me deeply.

Batty is still haunted by what happened to her son. (Supplied)

"I think one of the things that did contribute towards me stepping away from the public eye last year was because so many people have nowhere to go and feel totally powerless, so they reach out to those who they feel can advocate for them, people like me, and hope for change and difference," she says.

"The burden is my limitations when it comes to this," she says. "I can advocate for systemic change but do very little if anything to intervene in these situations."

She ultimately understands that these women are reaching out to her for support, not change.

"Who is listening? At end of the day, who is advocating for change in this system? Many people and organisations who have been campaigning and lobbying for a very long time don't seem to penetrate. Why?

"We are all dismayed, " she says. "Societal change takes a long time and one woman a week is being murdered due to family and domestic violence.

"We need even more focus on a political level," she says.

Memories of Luke

"When I started speaking out about Luke when he was murdered, family and domestic violence was really a dirty secret that happened behind closed doors," she says.

Now, she feels progress has been made when it comes to discussing family and domestic violence. What she hopes for now is real change that helps save lives.

'Every day something reminds me of him.' (Supplied)

"I remember Luke all the time," she says. "I'm always reminded of him, from when his friends learn to drive or are looking to leave school and getting into teenage mischief.

"Every day something reminds me of him."

Batty still lives very close to where her son attended school.

"When I drive past the school I reflect on how much he enjoyed it," she says. "I've realised it might be a different story.

"He'd be looking at the final year at school and having to knuckle down to study for his exams which may not have been his forte," she says. "He was smart academically but a bit like me, he struggled to apply himself.

"I don't think he would have had the self-discipline to study and my role would have been to encourage him to do that," she says.

"Part of the problem is we can only create change on a state level but there's much more to be done across the country to appreciate the violence that is happening against women and children," she says.

"The statistics are irrefutable, but I do think we are still uncomfortable discussing this."

She also sees gender inequality as a major part of the problem.

She has written a book about her devastating loss. (Supplied)

"We still need to understand the significance of gender inequality and see how important it is for more women to be in parliament and government and law enforcement," she says. "We need to understand that for societal change to happen, attitudes need to be adjusted.

"We need to continue this momentum and continue to push," she says. "More people are coming forward and speaking out and demanding support and interventions which will place additional strain on courts and police and the many organisations that work to protect women.

"It's important for us to be better informed about family and domestic violence and how we respect each other and what we all we can do to ensure that women and children are safe."

You can join the conversation on Twitter via #safetyfirstinfamilylaw.

If you or someone you know is in need of support contact1800RESPECTon 1800 737 732 or in case of an emergency call Triple Zero (000).