My mom who has ALZHEIMER'S has become my hero. She touches my heart each and every day. I am also her caregiver.
Fourteen years ago after she became ill I fell totally in love with her. It was not always like this, yet today, I am so fortunate to have such an unconditional love for her.
My newest book "Letter To My Mom" and my first book" My Mom My Hero" can both be found on Amazon .

Friday, October 25, 2013

YEARNING FOR YESTERDAY

YEARNING FOR YESTERDAY

As I finished another chapter of a book I am reading, I flashed on my mother and how she once loved to read. She described that when she was a teenager she could spend hours during the summer months reading under a tree. She imagined becoming some of the fascinating characters she read about. Besides her passion for literature she also adored watching movies.

Both of these joys no longer exist in her world. She is unable to read and she cannot follow the script from any movie. All of these pleasures for her are lost due to this horrific disease- Alzheimer's. This now makes me wonder what sort of existence she now endures.

I phone the nursing home at least 2- 4 times a day trying to either reach a nurse or perhaps catch a moment to speak with her. I usually am told that she is walking around the hallways, as she is strapped into her walker, smiling to whoever passes her by. Is she strolling or better yet wandering from being lost and confused ?

It's hard for me not to question what sort or life this is for her. Mom knows no difference, so in her universe she probably is fine. It is I who anguise for her and wonder how she really is doing.

Perhaps for me I need to adjust to her "new" life. Mom is now in her own world, and somehow I am the one left trying to find some inner peace. As each day passes my life is moving forward and mom's life seems to be disappearing .

Intellectually speaking, I realize that life does not stand still, yet I cannot help to yearn for yesterday. It's a yearning deep inside of me to bring my mom back to being a whole person.

15 comments:

Just wanted to say thank you for continuously posting about your experiences with your mother. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's a few years ago and not a day passes where I don't miss her.

Reading about your experiences helps me believe that there are people out there who truly want to make a difference. I admire your strength throughout your difficult journey with your mother... I hope you know that you touch a lot of people through your blog.

Dearest Jane,First I'm sorry to hear about your mom and that you too suffered living along side this horrific. Thank you so much for your supportive comment.From my blog I know that I have made a difference in many others lives. I also have a book and sometimes on Amazon I get reviews that are upsetting and other reviews that I know that I have touched others. Hugs to you. Lisa

this makes me cry. It was the life my mother had for so long until she passed away in March. Only for too many years, she couldn't walk-she was home in bed or a wheelchair. Oh, how I HATE this disease.I know you live in a different state than your mother but call as often as you can and see her as often as possible too. {{HUGS}}

I use to work with Alzheimer's patients and I believe they were mostly happy as they did not know what happened to them, quite a few would walk around the corridors and they loved it when they got to the next lounge where they would stay for a while before going off again.It is worse for the relatives and most would have liked to keep them at home but it is a 24 hours a day job so do not worry, just go and she her as much as you can and take her small presents that she may remember.

Elaineanne, thank you for your vision on what might be going on with my mother and thank you even more for the work and caring you did for Alheimer's patients. You must be another angel. It certainly takes a special person to be committed to the ill. xoxo Lisa

Lisa, thank you for sharing your life experiences and the love that you and your mother have for each other. My mother has Alzheimer's, as did her mother, her father and her sister. She never wanted this and feared getting it, especially after seeing it attack her family. And now, sadly, here we are. It is heartbreaking to see the horrible changes that happen to her everyday. She still lives at home with my Dad, but it is very tiring for him. We have home health care and we all pitch in, but he lives it everyday. My heart also feels so sad for you when I read about how difficult it is for you to be so far away from your Mom. I just know deep inside she knows you are there for her and love her and have her in a safe place. God bless you both. Thank you again for bringing us all together.

Alison my heart melted when I read what you just shared with me. I'm sorry about your mom and I cannot even imagine how difficult this must be on your family and especially your dad. My prayers are with you and your family. xoxo Lisa

I know all to well that the day is coming where mom will have to enter into a nursing home as well. When I get to visit her once a month, I watch as she collects buttons into little containers and sorts and sorts them. This is how much of her day is spent. I find ways to play this game of matching them or what they might mean to her. She had a container of pennyies...all shiny and new looking. She told me the man on them is nice looking and I found her a penny to add to the collection. It was so funny. She told me she hated those brown ones and to just toss it away. So I did. I tossed it across the room for us to find again and laugh about it being a brown one that needed tossed away. I know there will come a time when we can not laugh and joke as we do but for now, she is like having a 6 year old around and I just play whatever game I can with her in her world.

Hi Ellen, I think that laughter is so healing. I laughed alot with my mom over these last years. Silly and sometimes childish things. Yet the laughter brought joy to her and made me feel so wonderful to share it with her. Keep throwing those brown dirty pennies away and smile about the handsome guy on the shining pennies. These memories I'm sure will always hold a special place in your heart.Enjoy all that you still do have. Hugs to you &your mom . Lisa

My mother has dementia and I miss my mother very much shes here physically but her mind is gone I am mourning her now and really miss the time I had with my mother. Now all I can do is just be here for her and get into her world.

LETTER TO MY MOM -BOOK

MY MOM MY HERO

MY MOM MY HERO

My Mom My Hero

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About Me

Lisa Hirsch is a popular blogger with a worldwide audience who now is featured on Huffington Post blogs. She had a long, successful career in the fashion industry and had numerous articles published in the US, the UK, and Canada. She lives in Manhattan with her husband and has one loving son. Please visit her blog and see her on Huffington Post

When Lisa Hirsch found out her mother, Ruth, had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, her love, appreciation, and caring for her mother was transformed. To Lisa’s surprise, it has brought her and Ruth closer together than they’ve ever been. My Mom My Hero tells the story of this mother-daughter relationship through a series of entries from Lisa’s internationally popular blog. Ultimately this is an uplifting and inspirational book for anyone who’s going through the difficult and often lonely ordeal of caring for a loved one who suffers from this devastating illness.