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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Like all of you, I am simply in a TIZZY waiting to see the royal wedding tomorrow. Or, more accurately, the royal wedding cake.

I mean, think about it: this is the cake that must end all cakes. It has to outshine, outdo, and outhouse every dream of every girl who has ever dreamed of being a princess! [sigh]

Plus, just imagine the unbelievable stress the poor bakers must be under at this very moment. The agony! The suspense! The weighty sense of impending doom, should their one shot at world-wide glory, fame, and adoration fail! BWAHAHAHAAAA!

Er...I mean...

Wishing you the best of luck, guys!

So, what do you think it'll be? Something colorful?

Something modern?

(And...drippy?)

Of course, whatever it is, you know it'll have to be an upstanding specimen...

...with just the right emphasis on the fact that they live in a castle, and you don't:

Hey, maybe it'll be inspired by Kate's wedding dress!

Or maybe it'll just show the couple's deep love and affection for one another:

("Pardon me, your lordship, but would you care for a slice of chocolate thigh?"

"Ruddy good, yes! Tally ho! What what!*")

Well, whatever the outcome tomorrow, I'm sure so long as the bakers don't give the happy couple the cold shoulder, they'll be fine.

*Yes, I know all British people do not sound like this. But the really cool ones do.

Note from john: For some reason, the comment section is acting all wonky today so if you don't have a Google account, you can't leave a comment. With any luck, the Google Overlords will fix the problem soon. Wreck On!

Note to moderator: If this is a duplicate, ignore it. Blogger is toying with me.

#1 I get it -- Harlequin Romance, right? No, I don't read them, I've seen them advertised. The best literal is one that makes ya work a little for the reference.

#2 A tad warm in there, was it? Suddenly I want hamburgers -- the good kind that drip everywhere.

#3 I don't buy this being accidental -- the center of gravity is spot on. (Oh dear, it's spreading.)

#4 Just maybe the intent here was to evoke Hearst Castle; you know, the early, early design phase when young William Randolph was down at the beach at San Simeon, playing in the sand and dreaming...

#5 This one actually has potential; I wonder what it looked like when it was completed. (Zing!)

#6 Aww. The touching finale to '(Making) Love on Poo Mountain', the timeless tale of two naked volcanologists who discover just a tad too late that they have the hots for each other. I could ask what happened to his other leg, but I'm more concerned by her seeming lack of a head. Maybe she should have followed his example and kept her helmet on.*

#7 His effigy looks like 'Butt-Head'. Someone obviously put a *lot* of time into getting way fanatic with the details -- at least on her -- so it may be that time didn't allow the arms to be included. I hope it's something like that, because my first emergency backup theory is that the wreckerator is a fan of Sam Peckinpah. My second EBT is that the wreckerator went literal with the phrase, 'off-the-shoulder'.

*Yes, I know it's a representation of a Rodin sculpture (and am frankly surprised it didn't trigger an EPCOT volcano of its own). I'm just having something called 'fun' with it, m'kay?

This world of the network is fantastic, I found your blog from one to another despite the distance that separates us, I love your designs and your cakes are an authentic sculptures, no doubt that I often go to see your wonders. Greetings from Spain ;)

Wow...that last one is so...(impressive? ambitious?....disturbing?). :)

I was going to get in the Wedding spirit today with some cupcake fail of my own - my mother baffled me by mailing me a Union Jack flah teatowel, Union Jack cake cases (both not exactly considered cool here in Scotland, except possibly as a joke...) and some really worrying little pots of red and blue glitter that say 'EdAble Art - coatings brilliant and transperentnontoxic' that she claims we can put on cakes? If I stop being baffled long enough, I might try and turn these into something today...which will probably be worthy of a future Patrotic Cake Wreck post!

Sadly old bean, I don't believe you will get to see the Royal Cake today as the reception is not televised (nobody wants to risk Prince Harry's best man's speech getting out into the public domain).

Do you yanks not make your wedding cakes from fruit cake? It's always fruit cake, marzipan and icing - better structural integrity for balancing multiple tiers. Plus it lasts forever, and you are supposed to save a slice for the christening of your first child, apparently! (NB, I don't know anyone who's done this.)

N.B. I've just eaten a piece of the actual royal wedding cake - see, they do last forever! - and it was lovely! I'm not a great fan of fruitcake (although I do love marzipan and icing) but this was great. The box it came in was even better, a lovely little white tin box with their coat of arms, names and the wedding date printed/painted on it with swirly gold lettering... Really nice!

I am Welsh. Welsh as can be. I HATE THE ROYAL FAMILY AND EVERYTHING THEY DO!!!!! WHICH IS NOTHING!!!! GAAAAAHHHH!!! RAAAAGGGGGE!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! *takes out anger on wall* *wall implodes* GGAAAAHHHHH!!!