Monday, April 25, 2016

This is gonna be great. No one will mess with me after this. Let me just drop this casually.

"I'm gonna be out tomorrow. I have to go testify against Mrs. Grubelwitz at her 3020a hearing. What's that? Oh, that's when we fire a teacher."

Heh. This one's a blabbermouth. She's gonna tell everyone.

Once this gets out, no one is gonna miss another voluntary mandatory meeting. That old bat Feinstein missed one last week, and I want to put a letter in her file. But that bastard Chapter Leader keeps saying that if I call the meetings voluntary people don't have to come. Doesn't he know that they are voluntary mandatory? Why does he keep harping on the voluntary part? Once we fire Grubelwitz, I'll put letters in anyone's file if they miss a voluntary mandatory meeting. Let me stop this new teacher.

"Hey I'm gonna be out tomorrow. Send me an email if you need anything. Yeah, I have to go and testify against Mrs. Grubelwitz. Yeah, we're gonna fire her."

It's all finally coming together. I used to have to worry about bulletin boards but now, with almost everyone going to voluntary mandatory meetings, I have the bulletin boards full of all sorts of crap, with rubrics and everything. That damn mock election was a gold mine. I mean, here I am in New York City, with all those liberals, and I have all the bulletin boards covered with the life stories of just about every Republican candidate for President. I mean, sure most of them have lost, but where else is there an entire bulletin board full of stuff about Carly Fiorina?

The only thing is people keep talking about that bastard Walsh. Why can't he just go away? He looks old enough to retire. Everyone here is all, "Oh, why didn't you go to his ceremony?" The next time someone asks me that, I'll just say, "Hey, I had to prepare my testimony so I could support firing a teacher, and maybe you'll be the next teacher we fire." Screw with me, will you?

Look at them out there talking. They're starting to look worried. Yeah that's right, you could be next. Look at me the wrong way and I'll have you up on charges, you bastards.

I wonder what they have to eat around that place. I'm thinking Mexican. Maybe I can grab some enchiladas around lunchtime. Yeah, that would be good. Maybe I can get home early and take a nap. Here's another one I can tell.

"Yeah, I have to cancel our meeting tomorrow. Yes I know I've canceled five times, and it's been two months since I observed you, but I may be popping in again next period. Or maybe not. Who knows? Anyway, yeah I gotta testify against old Grubelwitz. Two strikes, and she is outta there! You like baseball don't you?"

This will be the talk of the department. They will tremble as I walk by. The voluntary mandatory meetings are gonna be full. That stupid Chapter Leader can shout that the sky is falling, but he can't stop mandatory meetings as long as they're voluntary. Jeez that guy is a pain in the ass. I hope the sewers of Rangoon back up in his breakfast. Wait a minute, let me strike up a casual conversation.

"Oh, hey, listen, Mr. Washington, I won't be able to attend your mandatory voluntary meeting tomorrow, but could you please take copious notes and post them on Google Docs? I'd like to check them out in between testifying against Mrs. Grubelwitz. Oh yeah we're gonna fire her. You see what happens to people who don't do voluntary mandatory meetings? Could you be next? You never know. Nah, just kidding. Or am I?"

Keep 'em guessing, that's what I say. This is gonna be a great week. And next year I'll get that bitch Feinstein too.

This is gonna be great. No one will mess with me after this. Let me just drop this casually.

"I'm gonna be out tomorrow. I have to go testify against Mrs. Grubelwitz at her 3020a hearing. What's that? Oh, that's when we fire a teacher."

Heh. This one's a blabbermouth. She's gonna tell everyone.

Once this gets out, no one is gonna miss another voluntary mandatory meeting. That old bat Feinstein missed one last week, and I want to put a letter in her file. But that bastard Chapter Leader keeps saying that if I call the meetings voluntary people don't have to come. Doesn't he know that they are voluntary mandatory? Why does he keep harping on the voluntary part? Once we fire Grubelwitz, I'll put letters in anyone's file if they miss a voluntary mandatory meeting. Let me stop this new teacher.

"Hey I'm gonna be out tomorrow. Send me an email if you need anything. Yeah, I have to go and testify against Mrs. Grubelwitz. Yeah, we're gonna fire her."

It's all finally coming together. I used to have to worry about bulletin boards but now, with almost everyone going to voluntary mandatory meetings, I have the bulletin boards full of all sorts of crap, with rubrics and everything. That damn mock election was a gold mine. I mean, here I am in New York City, with all those liberals, and I have all the bulletin boards covered with the life stories of just about every Republican candidate for President. I mean, sure most of them have lost, but where else is there an entire bulletin board full of stuff about Carly Fiorina?

The only thing is people keep talking about that bastard Walsh. Why can't he just go away? He looks old enough to retire. Everyone here is all, "Oh, why didn't you go to his ceremony?" The next time someone asks me that, I'll just say, "Hey, I had to prepare my testimony so I could support firing a teacher, and maybe you'll be the next teacher we fire." Screw with me, will you?

Look at them out there talking. They're starting to look worried. Yeah that's right, you could be next. Look at me the wrong way and I'll have you up on charges, you bastards.

I wonder what they have to eat around that place. I'm thinking Mexican. Maybe I can grab some enchiladas around lunchtime. Yeah, that would be good. Maybe I can get home early and take a nap. Here's another one I can tell.

"Yeah, I have to cancel our meeting tomorrow. Yes I know I've canceled five times, and it's been two months since I observed you, but I may be popping in again next period. Or maybe not. Who knows? Anyway, yeah I gotta testify against old Grubelwitz. Two strikes, and she is outta there! You like baseball don't you?"

This will be the talk of the department. They will tremble as I walk by. The voluntary mandatory meetings are gonna be full. That stupid Chapter Leader can shout that the sky is falling, but he can't stop mandatory meetings as long as they're voluntary. Jeez that guy is a pain in the ass. I hope the sewers of Rangoon back up in his breakfast. Wait a minute, let me strike up a casual conversation.

"Oh, hey, listen, Mr. Washington, I won't be able to attend your mandatory voluntary meeting tomorrow, but could you please take copious notes and post them on Google Docs? I'd like to check them out in between testifying against Mrs. Grubelwitz. Oh yeah we're gonna fire her. You see what happens to people who don't do voluntary mandatory meetings? Could you be next? You never know. Nah, just kidding. Or am I?"

Keep 'em guessing, that's what I say. This is gonna be a great week. And next year I'll get that bitch Feinstein too.

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Views expressed herein are solely those of the author or authors, and do not reflect views of my employers, the United Federation of Teachers, or any UFT union caucus.

Stories herein containing unnamed or invented characters are works of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.