Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Concerts, cruises, and crack? Really????

Hi again everyone, and thanks for stopping by to visit with me. This has been a real strange day for me, some real ups and downs. My work week was actually very nice, but I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping during the daytime lately, even with the melatonin I take before laying down. This has presented a problem at work as it takes all my might to get through the hours of four am to seven am. If anyone has any suggestions I am open minded to your ideas.

Now back to today. Some of the ups have been Carnival Cruise Lines, which back in January offered us a twenty percent discount on a future cruise when we missed two ports. Well the corporate office had no knowledge of said discount and didn't want to give it to us. After one of the parental units sent about a dozen emails they have decided to honor their captains offer, in fact due to the inconvenience they also offered us a fifty buck on-board credit per person. You know what that means, time to announce......... December 4, 2011 Carnival Glory to Nassau, St Thomas, San Juan, and Grand Turk...TITS!

We shall be celebrating the fatherly parental units bicentennial... I mean birthday. The only problem is I know about the dates just WAY to early and will probably freak out waiting for this.

Today was also had a great thing happen, some of you will remember me writing about a concert I went to a couple months ago...you know

I thought that would jog your memories. Well the band FURTHUR did a pay per view web cast tonight from TRI studios in San Rafael, California. My roommate and I sat in the living room, iPad hooked up to the flatscreen and enjoyed a two and a half hour show, and it was great. I most enjoyed the fact that happy face guy wasn't there, nor was the overwhelming scent of dope in the air.....just great music!

Now life isn't a bunch of roses and mine is no exception. Job number two has been really draining. We were full for exactly four days, since Friday it has been a downhill slide though. We have lost three since then, and then came today. Now I am going to be nice, not because who I need to vent about reads the blog which he does, but because he is my friend and because I understand exactly where he is in that cranium of his right now.

I like to sit down and break bread with all the people under my roof regularly, it promotes a family atmosphere and helps us bond together. Well Tuesday night was my night to cook and I was making a favorite, tacos. Everyone seemed like they were looking forward to it, as was I. We were going to eat at 6:30, it was a plan. Well at 6:15 one of the guys wasn't home, I tried to call him and no answer. I called his business partner also no answer, they must be in a meeting right? Made sense to me, but he is getting leftovers because the rest of us had plans for the night and I finished cooking. After dinner, I am setting up for the concert, my phone rings...it's his business partner. We talked for a bit, but I didn't ask about my friend at this time, I just figured he was on his way home. The concert starts and honestly I forgot about him until it became curfew time. I was getting texts from others asking about late night meetings and it dawned on me, this jack wagon isn't home yet. I call again, no answer. I text, no response. I am pretty darn street smart and know this isn't good news. I call his business partner again, this time he is subject of conversation and we both know it can't be good news. Shortly thereafter he comes home, tweaked. He, like I have so many times before, decided to numb reality and went out and smoked crack after work. I called the owner of job number two, discussed it at length with him, called a house meeting and asked for suggestions. I asked what he did and the response was drive around and get high. I couldn't help it, the words just blurted out...that sounds like a bunch of fun. He looked at me, obviously riddled with guilt and asked if I thought he wanted to keep doing this crap. I told him obviously he did, because once you get on a path to recovery, you have to make a decision to go back to that crap. I believe that to be true.

I had a painful decision to make, and had to make it on the spot. I write about this because I think I made the wrong choice and am really struggling with this. I have always believed in this environment, if you get high, you get out. I make this decision without batting an eyelash every time it comes up. He was even expecting it, but I didn't. After speaking with the owner and the other people in the house I told him I was giving him exactly one get outta jail free card. You see this guy is a friend, for six years this guy has been a big support to me in my personal recovery. He introduced me to my sponsor for christ sake. And when no one else objected I didn't either, but I should have. Giving him a freebee in no way helps him and that pains me. I will never, I mean never give someone else a free pass, this I can promise you.

I know you have to take a hard line in your line of work, but you know this person well, so you made a judgment call. Don't beat yourself up over it, and if he blows it again, you know what you have to do. (But hopefully, it won't come to that.)

Hi Chuck, I was reading your blog and saw the problem you were having with sleeping during the day. I worked many years as a 911 dispatcher alternating days and nights each week. We all swear by Excedrin PM. Usually just one (normal dose is 2) about a half hour before you want to sleep. Works well and you don't wake up feeling drowsy. Flaxenqueen

Reading about your situation was difficult but try not put so much pressure on yourself. You made a decision and at the time and accept that. As humans we make many decisions and what is wrong with us is that we question just about all of them. Why? I believe that God is with us when we make those decisions and therefore stand tall even though later we question that decision. Chuck, you made it and that is it. Just making that decision was difficult but you did it. I give you a lot credit for what you have to do. Keep it up. You're doing the right thing. Just don't question yourself so much. God is with you,right next you, and is within you.

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About Me

A 21 year old guy who has been alive for 41 years. I have been characterized as slightly sarcastic but they under estimated me. I am also smart enough to know you should bury the body over the septic tank so the grass doesn't look out of place... Oh shouldn't have told you that... Keep the secret