Super Bowl Suspense

The absolute best thing about the Super Bowl (for me) is a little wager I put on the game every year. The risk is minimal, but the payout is huge.

If I guess the team that wins the game, my wife lets me have one day where I get to choose everything we do.

Yes, everything!

And, she can't say no to any of my suggestions—unless they're too crazy—but I would never do anything like that. I know that if I abuse this power, she's going to take the bet away from me, kind of the way Hillary is taking away the man's role from Bill.

We started this in our first year when we were dating. At the time of the Super Bowl, we had been dating for 11 months, but had known each other for years before that, so I was not shy in making the bet. Kind of the way Britney Spears isn't shy about being crazy.

The past years' results are as follows:

2003: TAMPA BAY VS. OAKLAND

This was the first Super Bowl we made the bet on. This was not a tough Super Bowl to make a pick on. It was the number one defense versus the number one offense.

In those situations, the defense always prevails. At least that's my theory. And, dammit, it worked this year!

It was one of the best games I've ever watched, and I'm not a Tampa Bay fan. But, I was that day. And, she wasn't.

After the first touchdown Tampa scored in the third quarter, and the score moved to 27-3, her entire body slumped like Marcia Clark's did after the jury read the 'Not Guilty' verdict in the OJ Simpson trial.

I'll save you the details, but I'll just say we didn't leave the house the next day!

2004: NEW ENGLAND VS. CAROLINA

I make no reservations about my disgust for the New England Patriots, but in the face of having a day of whatever I want, I could still pick them to win a game. I might not be able to look myself in the mirror the next day, but I could definitely look at my wife while she's doing whatever I want her to do that day.

But, even with that said, I still picked the damn Carolina Panthers to win that game.

Bastard Adam Vinatieri had to make that kick, didn't he? Did he not know I had a bet riding on that game?

How selfish of him to choose a Super Bowl victory over me having a day of anything I could imagine up. I think I need to have a sit down with him about putting other people's lives ahead of his own.

That game was so up and down, with all the turnovers and close calls, I thought I was going to be sick myself. I wanted to puke in my friend's basement, much like Donovan McNabb was said to be puking in the huddle.

Only I was about to puke over winning/losing the greatest day of my life. He was puking over winning/losing some man-ring and a trophy.

Which one is legitimate?

That made two straight years betting against the Patriots. And two straight years not celebrating the greatest day of my life!

It was at this point that I warned my wife that when I win next year, I would be making up for the past two years that I had to miss out on.

She thought she was slick, and on top of the world, shrugging it off like I was never going to win another bet. She honestly thought I was the picking equivalent of the Chicago Cubs. I felt as though I'd had a taste of victory once, but I was never going to win again!

2006: PITTSBURGH VS. SEATTLE

Finally, a game I could pick, without being swayed by personal preference. This wasn't an easy choice, seeing how Shaun Alexander was still alive back in that season. I thought he would have a tough time against the Pittsburgh run defense, so I stuck with my guns and chose the Steelers to come out on top.

And, they did. Hallelujah!

If you thought she slumped after the Tampa Bay victory, you were mistaken! She completely fell apart during this game.

By the time the end of the game came about, she looked like she had picked up a cocaine addiction—her eyes were bulging out, and it seemed she had lost twenty pounds over the course of the game.

But I didn't care. Victory was mine. And, two years of missing out needed to be made up for—and they were.

This year however, we did leave the house. And, that's all I'm going to say about that.

If you want to know more, look up the police report.

2007: INDIANAPOLIS VS. CHICAGO

Yes, I'm from Chicago. Yes, I'm a bit of a Bears fan.

No, I was not stupid enough to think the Bears stood a chance against the Colts in that game. Rex Grossman versus Peyton Manning is sort of like asking me Star Jones vs. Jessica Alba—an easy choice.

Man, Jessica Alba is smokin’ hot, isn't she? What I wouldn't do to get a chance with her...

And no, I don't let my wife read my articles. But, she knows!

My wife doesn't follow football too much, but she knew that the Bears had no chance against the Colts. So she was preparing herself the entire two weeks between the Championship games and the Super Bowl.

She was ready this time. Or so she thought.

I pulled a good one on her.

She was expecting me to be the typical man in this situation. I mean, she even surprised me in the morning by thinking ahead of what she thought I was going to ask for. I didn't deny, but that wasn't the main objective of the day this time.

This time, it was personal.

For years, I had been asking her to go skiing with me. So I told her that I wanted her to take a drive with me to a nearby resort, for some skiing and snowboarding. Now she is not the most athletic person, so she had reservations about going and getting injured. I promised we would stay safe and that if she absolutely hated it, we would stop and just hang out at the resort the rest of the weekend.

Just so you know, that last paragraph is complete horsesh*t! Are you kidding me?! Skiing?! Hell no. We didn't leave the house again.

Now, for this Super Bowl, it's in the bag! She has been complaining the past week about how it's a given, and that the bet shouldn't stand. And that, if I get it right this year, it will be the last year for the bet.

I need help.

Should I pick the Giants to take a loss this year? I have to think about my future, right?

Should I deliberately lose one year to make sure the bet lives on in the future?