How to put thrills and spills in politics

They are not like us, Americans; for they revel in their democracy. Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee won caucuses by enthusing vast swaths of the public to vote. They appealed over the heads of disapproving party establishments and sent Iowa into the kind of voting tizzy we save for reality TV.

So why not have primaries in Britain? Why not let the public vote for the candidate they want to see represent their party at the general election? Parties could restrict the selection to those who register as their supporters or be really radical and open it to anyone on the electoral roll in a given constituency.

Prominent local sorts - not just activists - could also be encouraged to stand. Politicians bemoan public indifference to Westminster, but what effort do they make to entice us in?

All British parties have stars, but also their intellectual black holes. And this is because their closed selection processes could hardly be better designed to reward dogged so-so-ness rather than challenging talent. Red or blue, their shared colour is vanilla. I know a brilliant candidate who was rejected for a seat as he was 'too much of a Tristram'. In their different ways, Obama and Huckabee have extraordinary charisma, which shone through as they engaged with real voters.

Would either have made it past the selection panels that aspiring MPs of major parties face here? If not, would a safer, more conventional, candidate have the Obama magnetism that inspired 100,000 citizens to brave the cold, let alone the Huckabee zeal that triumphed, despite being massively outspent?

With the early primaries, the rules are simple: the candidate that makes most effort, with most ability, galvanising most local support, wins. What better test could parties have of a candidate's appeal at a general election than how they go down with actual voters?

Improbably, it is the Conservatives showing most enthusiasm for primaries. A few associations have held open primaries, rounded off with an interview by Michael Portillo at a public meeting. Shouldn't our progressive parties follow?

And primaries are just the start. Citizens need to be allowed - and cajoled - to open schools, run police forces, hold local referendums. Yes, modern citizenship is exhausting. But as America shows, if you want democracy to work, it's you that must work for it.

At least someone still rates our police

Touching that Pakistan should call in Scotland Yard to solve the Bhutto murder. It has become the fashion for former colonies, as in the Bob Woolmer case. For all their understandable wariness of anything that smacks of British interference in civil life, they seem only too relieved to hand criminal cases to the mother country. So while Britons suspect PC Plod is rather too keen on speed cameras, striking for pay and shooting innocent South American electricians, abroad he is as revered as Sherlock Holmes. Sir Ian Blair should put in for a transfer.

Only a cad would spurn Angela

When Gordon Brown was forced to admit he didn't have a big idea, he took to trumpeting a little idea: competence. But how competent is he? If we can believe a minister who left office with Tony Blair, the truth is that, for a technocrat, he is not very, well, technocratic. Over lunch, I was regaled with examples of how the nail chewer in chief is even less managerially minded than Blair.

My companion claimed to have it 'on impeccable sources' that on the eve of the Lisbon summit when European leaders sought to persuade Brown not to be such a dummkopf by boycotting the signing ceremony, Angela Merkel, phoned twice and the PM failed to return her call; a message to ring the Portuguese premier was treated with similar disdain. The president of the European Commission was at least informed that Brown would deign to speak 'in a minute', but after hanging on for nine, he slammed down the receiver. Brown contrived to upset both Europhiles and Europhobes and didn't even garner a single positive headline. Sure, stories such as these might be the bitter ravings of jealous colleagues, but then Gordon could hardly grumble about that, could he?

With friends like these, Britney ...

Britney Spears is carried off to hospital after police forced her to hand her children over following a court-ordered visit. In the photos, she looks shocked. But should we be?

Her gaze in the paparazzi shots may be the same as the one we saw in the naughty-but-nice video that made her famous, in which she danced in a school uniform, but the nightmarish journey from teen innocence to tabloid car-crash has been longer and harder than those taken by either Amy Winehouse or Pete Doherty. She is clearly no longer in control.

She locked herself in a loo with one of her sons and was apparently hauled out only after a 'friend' broke down the door with a hammer. Who could these friends be? It wasn't her estranged husband. He was elsewhere - his 'security team' had turned up to collect the kids. In such a world, it's sad, but hardly surprising she's in such a mess.

· Prince William follows Prince Andrew by learning to fly with the armed forces. But while his uncle served in the Falklands, princes are no longer let anywhere near a war. Harry was ordered to avoid anything more lethal than shots of vodka in Boujis. Still, at least William has got himself a trade should demand drop off for suitably qualified kings. He and Andy could set up an airline - easyJetset.