Susan Sparks: For Harry and Meghan: 10 Lessons on Love

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May 18, 2018 at 12:05 PMMay 18, 2018 at 12:05 PM

After 15 years as an ordained minister, I’ve concluded that the most likely time for anyone to suffer a blood pressure spike is while preparing for a wedding. Add to that scenario dysfunctional family dynamics, a feeding-frenzy press core and a royal line dating over a millennium, and you have a recipe for disaster.

I feel for Harry and Meghan; I truly do. But there are 10 simple lessons that they (and we) can remember to avoid a stroke and increase their (and our) chances of having a long and happy relationship.

1- Love takes time. I once did a wedding for a couple who were 12 years in the making. While many people would have given up long before, they stuck it out. When asked why they did it, one spouse said, “We think of ourselves like a great wine. It’s the years together that made our relationship mature into something unique and beautiful.”

2- Love does not come easy. A long-term relationship doesn’t just happen. You have to work at it. That means always being attentive at all times to what is required. Some days that means laughing; some days that means listening, and some days that means exercising a boatload of patience.

3- You never know where love will bloom. I once married a couple who met after one saw the other hit by a cab (the person wasn’t injured). A conversation ensued, and five years later they walked down the aisle. Don’t give up, because when you least expect it, love will sneak up or slam right into you.

4- Do your research, but at some point, you have to commit. Dedicating time to making sure relationships are right is important. But eventually, you must decide. If it’s right, go for it! If not, then cut your losses and move on because . . . (see #3).

5- Once you commit, write it on your heart. The book of Hebrews 8:10 says, “I will write on their hearts and I will be their God and they shall be my people.” We should all write our commitments — our loves — on our hearts because when something is held truly close, it affects all we do.

6- Take off your mask. A marriage should be should be your physical, emotional and spiritual home — a place of refuge where you don’t have to fake, or pretend, or be anything other than who you are at heart. As the old saying goes, “Masks make shallow what God has intended to be deep.”

7- Squeeze every bit of joy out of every second. Life is short. We have the opportunity to choose joy (or sorrow or anger or hatred or sadness) every single day. Go for the joy. As Proverbs 15:15 teaches, “a cheerful heart has a continual feast.”

8- Celebrate your differences. I once did a wedding in New Mexico where I talked about relationships in terms of chili peppers. Like people, chilis come in all range of spices. The world needs both mild and spicy to go around. The best marriages are the same.

9- You need to serve up the real thing. One of the more ironic weddings I performed was one with a prohibition theme — in my Baptist Church. In that ceremony, we talked about “bathtub gin,” a concoction people literally brewed in their bathtubs during the Great Depression. People didn’t really want it, but they’d take it if that’s all they could get. One of the worst things that can happen to a relationship is that it becomes like bathtub gin: at best functional, but not the real thing.

10- Love can outlive most anything. My parents were married for 67 years. Their relationship spanned WWII, the invention of television, the Civil Rights Movement, Vietnam, 9/11, and Lady Gaga. What lasts like that these days? Nothing . . . except love.

So, here’s to Harry and Meghan. I wish them (and you) and long and happy life!

— A trial lawyer turned stand-up comedian and Baptist minister, Rev. Susan Sparks is a nationally known speaker, preacher and author specializing in the healing power of humor. Contact her through her email at revssparks@gmail.com, or her website, www.SusanSparks.com

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