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Woman in love with gay man must begin to look elsewhere

DEAR ABBY: “Myles” and I have known each other for five years,but have grown really close over the past three. We tell each other everything, and I have fallen in love with him.

A few months ago, Myles sent me a text saying he needed to tell me a “secret.” He went on to say the guy he had told me was his brother, “Jeff,” is really his lover. Needless to say, that bombshell floored me.

We have discussed it in person, and I have never told him how I feel. I visit them a couple of times a month and always go home feeling hurt. I want Myles for myself, even though I know I can’t have him. I don’t want to lose him as my friend, but it hurts seeing him and Jeff together. How do I resolve this? — GIRL LEFT BEHIND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT BEHIND: Start by being as honest with Myles as he was with you. Tell him that over the course of your friendship you fell in love with him — and that you wish you had known he was gay before you became so emotionally involved.

If you want romance, you will have to look for it elsewhere. In order for you to find it, I cannot stress strongly enough that you will need to feel good about yourself. Stop torturing yourself by visiting the two lovebirds and take a break for a while. A LONG while.

DEAR ABBY: My friend “Maggie” is getting a divorce. She has been living with my husband and me for four months. She pays one-third of our utility bill but pays no rent.

My husband feels that since Maggie is living with us, she should pay something — even if it’s only $100 a month. She’s a lifelong friend, and I don’t know what to do. Maggie is very upset over her messy divorce. Should I ask her for rent money? (I don’t want to fight over this with my husband.) — ONLY FRIEND IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ONLY FRIEND: It depends on Maggie’s financial circumstances. If she has the money, it’s certainly OK to ask. If she doesn’t have the resources — or a job — she should consider finding one so she’s not completely financially dependent on others.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 36-year-old woman who has never been married or had children. For the past two years I’ve been seeing a man I’ll call Frank. I love him deeply, and I believe he feels the same about me.

Frank is still married but legally separated from his wife. They have one child who lives with his mom. Frank lives with me, and Frank’s wife lives with another man and has a second child by yet another guy.

My problem is, Frank’s wife calls ME whenever she has a fight with her boyfriend. She confides in me like I’m her best friend. I have never talked to Frank about divorcing her, but I’m at my wit’s end over this whole circle. Sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time with him. Abby, I’m a longtime reader who needs to find a solution to this soap opera. Please help me. — GETTING DIZZY IN EAST BOSTON

DEAR GETTING DIZZY: You need to talk to Frank about his degree of commitment to you. Two years is a long time to live with someone who’s married to someone else — let alone be trying to solve his wife’s love problems. Perhaps it’s time to distance yourself from both of them and figure out what you want to do for YOU.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.