Mission #25: Mend Your Relationships

There’s no question, life is about human relationships. There is no escaping the influence our relationship to a significant other, family, friends, colleagues, and our community can have on us. Yet, in the pursuit of happiness, we often sacrifice relationships first. If you have experienced a feeling of disconnectedness that seems to keep you from moving forward in your projects or career, shift some attention to your relationships and watch things begin to stabilize. Even if you have lost touch, you can resolve issues within yourself. It may take a change in perception or you making the decision to release an old resentment. The choice is 100% yours.

For years, I was clueless as to the true source of my chronic unhappiness. I thought if I could figure out why I was so messed up, I’d be whole again! As a teen of course, the blame went to Mom for “taking away my voice and forcing me to conform to the rules”. I now know how strong and how ugly the words are — but I have to use them here to emphasize how deep it ran — I hated her! And, I made no effort in hiding it. As I matured, I saw Dad’s contribution. Though in my eyes, he was the perfect father; I learned “he wasn’t the model husband.” So, when I found my voice and confronted Mom for being a “*itch” and Dad for being a “fraud”, I found I was still miserable!

Learning that Mom’s voice had been stolen by my Grandmother and that Dad had been orphaned at age four didn’t magically transform my unhappiness either. In fact, it made it worse for me, because “I wasted my life resenting people who were merely acting out on their own misery.” And, guess what? I was still miserable!

In the end, I learned the reason for my chronic unhappiness had less to do with what happened in the past and more to do with what wasn’t happening in the present. So, 1) I released my resentments; forgave my parents for “messing me up” and 2) started focusing on the positive outcome of our interaction.