Friday, November 19, 2010

Hillside's Journal: November 21st, 2010...

I'm not a loud, flashy, overbearing fan.

I know what you're saying, "Dude, you and your buddy have a blog, and a strange one, about the team, and you refer to it as 'The Ranter'. Not overbearing? Riiiight." Okay, point taken, but I meant more in the sense that I don't own a ton of Packer clothing, I don't have a jersey, never have, I don't have a giant Packer sticker on my El Camino, I don't have an enormous Packer flag in my back yard, I don't go out of my way to find opposing fans to talk trash to (they seem to find me), and I respect that people may cheer for other teams, as pointless as that may be for them. I've got a small wind sock on the deck, a 2007 NFC North Champs t-shirt covered in paint stains, a beat-up hat, and an 8x10 Greg Jennings autographed photo on my desk courtesy of Robert and Friend of the Ranter, John Johnson. That's about it...oh, and I may have a Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood t-shirt somewhere...okay, okay, fine. I may talk some minor trash on Twitter, but I just figure that since no opposing fans follow The Ranter on Twitter, I'm just entertaining other Packer fans...or at least we're trying to entertain them.

Some cynics out there would claim that I'm embarrassed or even scared to get all Packered up because I live in Minneapolis. I assure you, my friends, that is not the case at all, it's just not my M.O. Plus, in true Ranter-style I tend to spend too much money on beer and food to have any left for other stuff, I set my priorities and stick to them. I've lived in Minnesota for quite a few years now, and I've heard it and seen it all. One thing I've heard from Vikings fans is, "Why do you live here? You're a traitor." Or from Wisconsinites, "How do you put up with all those Viking ass-clowns?" Well, usually I have a good time laughing at the absurdity.

Well, I've decided that that may change this weekend. Why? I'm not really sure, maybe I've seen a few too many purple Favre jerseys, or maybe I've heard a few too many Vikings bloggers refer to Packer fans as "hillbillies" (which is a freaking joke because I've been to rural Minnesota...), or maybe I just had one too many fingers of Scotch tonight. Regardless of what set me off, I plan on adorning myself with every piece of Packer paraphernalia I own, and I may go find some more on Saturday afternoon to be even more annoying to Vikes fans. Then, Sunday, I'm going to the Mall of Ametrodome Field or whatever that dump is called this week. Yep, that's right, I'm going wander the wasteland of violet tailgaters, find a ticket, and attend the game. I plan on being loud and extremely obnoxious too...and I plan on rolling solo.

Having shared this plan of action with a good friend (one who is, in fact, a Viking fan), I was vehemently warned against it. "I wouldn't do it, Frank." "The crowd is brutal." 'The meathead quotient is incredibly high." "There is nothing Vikings fans hate more than a Packer fan...especially a loud one." "At the very least, you're going to get beer thrown at you." "Seriously, man, I know you after a couple tall-boys; you're going to get your ass kicked." "It might be bad for you, like pummeled to a pulp bad."

I contemplated his warnings, knowing he was well-intentioned, but I only responded with THIS.

You get 2-3 cheese heads, Vikings fan hate those things in the MetroMallDomeAmericaPurpleDumpFeil.Glue them one on top of the other but make sure you rotate them as you build up. This will create more of an obstruction for the guy behind you and hopefully poke the guys on your left and right in the face. OK Franklin, you're our warrior up there. God be with you. You're already a hero, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

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