"Dad, my math teacher wants you to come in to speak with her," said Billy after coming home on Monday.

"Why, what happened?" Asked his father.

"Well, she asked me to multiply 7 times 9, so I did and told her 63. Then she asked me to multiply 9 times 7, so I told her what's the fucking point if the answer's going to be the same."

"Well yeah, what IS the point if you already answered her question... Okay, I'll try to make it in after work if I can."

Tuesday rolls around and Billy goes to his dad, "Hey did you go to my school today?"

"No, not yet."

"Can you visit my gym teacher too? He wants to speak with you as well."

"What for?"

"Today in gym he told me to lift my right arm up, so I did. Then he told me to lift my left arm up, so I did that too. Then he told me to lift my right leg up, so I did that as well. When he told me to lift my left leg up, I asked him what the fuck I was supposed to be standing on if I did that."

"Well yeah, how are you supposed to raise both your legs? Okay, I'll have a talk with him as well."

Wednesday rolls around and Billy once more comes up to his dad.

"Hey dad, don't bother coming to school, I was expelled."

"What?! Why?"

"So this morning the principal calls me into his office. When I walk in the math teacher, gym teacher and the art teacher are all waiting there."

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island...

He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier... it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this...

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed... "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing..." the guy would say...

She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him...

"Really?, you'll do anything I'd like?"

"yes" she said "anything!"

"ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore"

"Ok..."

"Now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat"

"Wha... ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly.

"Ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it"

She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat.

"Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache"

"Ok... if this is what you want..." she muttered.

"Now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit", he said a bit excited...

She started walking... wondering... doubting herself... just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was h... suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won't believe who I've been fucking for the past 6 months!"

Last night, I went to a bar and started drinking alone. I was making eye contact throughout the night with this girl who was alone and sitting 2 tables away. I got up and was making my way over to her until I heard some laughing by a group of guys.

One of them was telling a joke and said, "You don't have to kill your rape victims. If you do it properly, they do it themselves". The group exploded into laughter. I couldn't stand for this, I piped up, "Hey fuckfaces, rape isn't funny and shouldn't be made into jokes. Now shut the fuck up". The group fell quiet.

I decided to pay my tab and leave the bar and started walking home pissed. All of a sudden, the girl from the bar walked up alongside me and said, "I really appreciate what you did in there. I think it's an attractive quality in a man to know there are just some things that shouldn't be joked about, I want to go to your place with you." I said, "Sure."

Once we got there, we both sat on the couch, and I poured some wine for the both of us.

I moved in closer to her and placed my hand on her thigh, "You might as well just take off those pants cause we're gonna have sex anyway, whether or not you want to"