Crazy World

I had such a great time being back in Chicago for my book tour this week! I love visiting my Midwest fans! Next stop: Canada! Thank you all for supporting me and my cookbooks and Fabellini. I owe so much of my blessings to you and your love. Thank you, thank you, thank you! xx

I have to say, this week's episode was a lot easier for me to watch than last week's. Last week's was crushing to live through, and horrible to re-watch. Again this week everyone gives their opinions about me and my motives, pretends to know what I think and feel, and makes their little digs at me, but at least it's not a surprise any more.

So welcome to another week in Crazy World! I've been going in the same direction all season, but everyone else's constant circles and contradictions are hard to keep up with...

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I loved that when I invited Kathy to lunch, she brought little bloomers I gave Victoria when she was a baby to remind me that we're blood and we've been like sisters for over 35 years. I didn't so much love when she then said in her interview she's afraid having lunch with me might upset her friends Caroline and Jacqueline. Who she just met. The people I'd been friends with for 10 years that she was upset I treated like family over her...

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It was weird to me when Melissa said I "never tweet her" since she thanked me on Twitter for congratulating her on Twitter for her song and sending the link to buy it out to all my followers (which I happily did three more times). She says this while Joe and I are on the way to support her at the second party for her first song...

Chris Laurita says Jacqueline's just so hurt I would even think about Danielle, especially after the whole Ashley assault case. Five seconds later, Jacqueline is defending Melissa for actually contacting Danielle...(PS: Jacqueline and Chris know I didn't contact Danielle, I just answered a tweet from her that was read to me on Watch What Happens Live based on Caroline opening the Danielle Pandora Box the week before. The whole twittery history is in my blog from last week.)

Melissa's concerned I keep bringing up the past. Except me learning about Melissa talking to Danielle is not the past for me. It's my present. It might have happened two years ago, but I just found out about it a week earlier. You saw how upset I was when Danielle brought up my nephew at the Season 2 Reunion. Of course we spoke after that, and she never admitted to dealing with Danielle at all. And of course I believed her. Now fast-forward to last summer when Danielle tweets me and Melissa exchanges a few heated tweets with her too. I ask Melissa again about her relationship with Danielle and get an apology attached to a "well I was hormonal and hated you then." Um, what?

I would love to believe that Melissa has changed, has seen how contacting someone she thought was her own family member's "worst enemy" is really not right (she was mistaken by the way; Danielle was never my enemy, she was Jacqueline's), and wants to move forward. Except she keeps comparing her talking to Danielle with me talking to my own brother. Mine was a private conversation with my brother out of love like we've had many times with each other about each other's spouses through the years. Melissa's intent was to hurt me because she hated me. It's not even apples and oranges. It's more like Nair and Napalm.

But as my Joe says, it is what it is. And how do I handle this new attack? I'm proud to say, unlike how I might have handled it a few years ago, unlike how I handled things with Danielle, I let it go. I smiled, forgave immediately, and moved forward. I really do want to work things out with my brother, and getting along with Melissa is part of that. I would never do -- and never have done -- anything to intentionally hurt her, because I love my family.Say what you want about me behind my back. Guess what you think I'm like on the inside. But I think my actions speak for themselves. I am trying to work through my family's very public issues with as much grace as I can. I really do want my family to get along and love each other like they used to, like you saw at the end of this episode, and I wish the same for everyone's family, including of course the Manzos and Lauritas. I want the best for everyone. I know and my actions will always prove it.

If you've read my newest cookbook Fabulicious: Fast & Fit! you know I can't work out without great music to motivate me. My new favorite? Survivor by Destiny's Child. This is dedicated to all the lovers and the haters, those who always have my back, and those who want to eat my face off on live TV. Because "after all of the darkness and sadness, soon comes happiness." xx

I'm wishing you the best,Pray that you are blessed,Bring you much success, no stress, and lots of happiness.I'm not gonna blast you on the radioI'm not gonna lie on your and your family I'm not gonna be hatin' on you in the magazines I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity You know I'm not gonna diss you on the internet 'Cause my mama taught me better than that.

I'm a survivorI'm not gonna give upI'm not gonna stopI'm gonna work harderI'm a survivorI'm gonna make itI will surviveKeep on surviving.