The unending chronicle and personal ramblings of a LA actor facing the challenges of living as an ex-smoker, eating a plant-based diet, and exploring life as a Nichiren Buddhist while STILL daring to dream that success in Hollywood is still possible after the age of 29.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Man, it has been a challenging 2013! We are knee deep in pilot season and the auditions have been slow coming. To a degree it is to be expected as this is a business of relationships and I am slowly building those with casting agents. It's early on that front but that doesn't mean it is easy. I am getting a bit stir crazy.

Sometimes it is hard to be positive but I'm working on being a bit more "Zen" in my attitude. I can focus on the negative or I can use this time to focus on the unending process of strengthening my craft. Thank God for my acting group! I have been digging into my work and that is where I have been finding my joy. I guess it is like getting back to basics. Remembering that I'm in this thing because I love to act has been what pulled me out of my mini funk. I can't focus on what I can't control but I can focus on getting better.

I had lunch with my buddy Larissa at Paty's, a restaurant nearby in Toluca Lake, to catch up. We started talking about our lives and after listening to her venting, I did a little of my own. It's funny how when you talk things out with someone you get a different perspective. The great thing about talking with Larissa is we vent and are close enough friends to be able to ask one another questions that allow each other to snap out of our funk and see things with real clarity.

I took a good look at my current situation and saw that even though things are slow, I can still be doing more. No one but me is going to get my butt to the gym. No one but me is going to get me to turn off the television set I use as company and work on my craft. I forget sometimes that the habits I had when working my old 9to5 does not translate to pursuing an acting career. I am basically running my own business. I am my own brand. I am my own small business/start up company. I have to work day and night to make this "company" a success or the success will never come. The good thing is I am doing what I love so with that as my focus, I can't sweat the small stuff. I have always been that guy who works 150% for someone else but drop the ball when I am only accountable to myself. You would think that it would be the reverse but I must admit it is not. I motivate my friends like crazy but my self-motivation skills ebb and flow.

Sitting at the table with Larissa admitting that I have been lazy with my own career was a bit humbling and definitely new territory but I hope it is a turning point. I need to be my own best friend, my own coach and my own source of motivation, keeping my eye on what I want and not settling until I get it.

Ahhhhh! It sucks not being able to blame the current state of things on someone, anyone but me. Yet, if I am the problem, I can also be the solution. However successful this "small company" grows, is up to me. Yes, I need others. It is the others who will provide the work I need to make a profit but those others mean nothing if I am not ready to make the most of each opportunity they provide.

It is good to take inventory. I am in this for the long haul. No turning back. Time to take action day by day. Seeing myself as a businessman as well as an artist is not a concept I have embraced with much success. Intellectually yes but in practical application? Not so sure. Maybe I need to see my career as the business it is with action steps I need to do daily and not this personal dream of achieving success. Gotta figure out a realistic action plan.