The Tournament of Josh

As we all know by the rules of Highlander and Fringe, only one person of a given name can occupy the same space or the world will implode onto itself. No one wants that. It’s happened before on the blog, and we settled it with a haiku contest.

One of the Joshes proposed a list of challenges to determine who is the true Josh for the comments section. It included such gems as tiddly winks, dance off, bake off, longest drive contest (golf), shortest drive contest, hula hoop, and my favorite, acting interested in boring meetings.

However, this isn’t the “real world.” This is jameystegmaier.com, people! We’re not going decide things the way that Republican presidential candidates or Jersey Shore castmates do.

Thus, the Tournament of Josh.

The rules are simple: With the permission of Katie, mother of the lovely Charlotte (winner of the most recent Battle Royale of Cuteness), I sent each Josh the meme-ready friendly of Charlotte holding up a sign (the original sign said, “Be my Valentine”) and asked them to put their own words on the sign. I gave them no further guidelines other than to be considerate of the fact that Charlotte is a real, live little girl with a mother who reads this blog.

Specifically, I asked them each to create two signs. I’m not going to tell you whose is whose–I’d simply like you to vote on your favorite. Vote only once, and the poll closes on Sunday at 1:00 CST. Also, I’m going to do something tricky: I’m going to hide the votes until I post the winner on Sunday night. That way you can’t base your vote on what other people have voted.

These are HUGE stakes, people. The winner gains the right to use his given name in the comments section. The loser will never be allowed to use that name here again. May the odds be in your favor, Joshes.

(Also, if you think you can do better than these guys and you’d like to claim the name “Josh” for the comments section–even if your name isn’t Josh–the rules of the blog clearly state that an existing commenter must accept the challenge.)

Any chance tomorrow’s post can include a picture of the two Joshes face-to-face like boxers at a weigh in (however you can virtually make that happen) and interesting stats about each (like the vast quantity of movie theater popcorn Josh 1 can eat in one sitting or the fact that Josh 2 once suppressed a fart for 3 hours during a meeting with senior executives at his company)?

Surely there must be a more effective way than holding onto a fart for 3 hours. Perhaps let the pressure build up until you can projectile fart across the board room table and blame it on someone else?

Hopefully I don’t need to remind everyone why they should vote, and vote for me. I was a follower of this blog when it was on Live Journal (Live Journal, people, does that even exist anymore?!), have not only been a frequent commenter but a comment of the month winner, and have offered such charming contributions as the question of the day and JoshVision (If you’re unfamiliar with JoshVision check out this entry from ’09 – https://jameystegmaier.com/2009/02/joshvisions-top-5-ways-to-survive-the-economic-crisis/).

Search your feelings, readers. You know which entries are mine. Vote for me. Aside from my hot wife, big house, fun job, jetski, and cool dog, this is all I have.

Who doesn’t like an upstate? David vs. Goliath, Luke Skywalker vs. Darth Vader, Imposter Josh vs. Real Josh. You know you want to cheer for me.

While I admit that JoshVision is totally awesome, I only have a hot wife, this is the only other thing I have in my life (and an adorable son I suppose). I need this. Search your hearts dear readers and vote for the cutest entry, because it is mine.