Wolfe’s Woofer: Taxidermy

Sunday, November 30th, 2014

“Becky and I will be coming back in February,” my friend Bruce Anderson said, as we talked on the phone. “I want you to do me a favor if you can.” “Sure.” “When I was in Belize in June I caught a barracuda that was the biggest fish I ever caught in my life. I wanted to get him stuffed and mounted so I could hang him on my wall at home but I didn’t think there was a taxidermist in San Pedro so the fish spoiled.” “I saw a sign for a taxidermist yesterday,” I told him. “I’ll go check it out.” The sign on the little shop on the back street said, “FISHING BLUES IN BELIZE.” A smaller sign said, “GREY’S TAXIDERMY.” “Do you do taxidermy for fish?” I asked the man behind the counter.” “We sure do,” he said. “We can stuff them for you and put them on a plaque to hang on the wall. We can also have them mounted on a wooden stand.” Just then a little old lady entered the shop carrying a suitcase. I stepped back and let her go ahead of me. “I understand that you stuff animals here,” she said. “Well, we stuff mostly fish,” the proprietor said, “but we can handle just about anything. What do you have?” “I have my two pet monkeys,” she said. “The male is Georgie and the female is Lupe. I have had them for fifteen years. Georgie died yesterday and Lupe died this morning.” “That’s sad,” the shop owner said. “I think Lupe died because they just couldn’t stand to be separated,” the lady said. “They were so close that sometimes I could barely pry the two of them apart. I would like to get them stuffed, if I can.” “Why, certainly,” was the answer. “Would you like them to be mounted?” “No. Just holding hands will be fine.”