At the beginning of next month I am going to have to move this website over to a new hosting provider because the current company hosting this website charges a lot of money for the amount of bandwidth I need every month. I have tried to negotiate some give and take with these guys but I can’t get anyone to return my emails.

So I’ve been talking with Jon — that’s what married people do sometimes, talk. More often than not we finish each other’s sentences and have an amazing ability to understand what the other is talking about when asked about the thing that goes with the thing over there on the thing. I’ve come to the decision that I want to do a redesign of this site in conjunction with the hosting provider move. I want to make a lot of improvements, add more features, and make this website an even better waste of your time.

Some of the things I’d like to see here include:

1. Search functionality
2. Better/more categorization of posts
3. A daily photograph
4. A monthly round-up of hate mail, love mail, and could take me or leave me mail, and my commentary on all of it
5. Adding back to the archives all the older posts that I have deleted
6. Lengthier descriptions of music, books and websites I’m enjoying
7. A site FAQ section, including an explanation on the tools I use to build this site

Now here’s where I talk about the possibly controversial part: I want to try and make money with this website (Gasp. Sigh. Please alert the sell-out police.) This may seem too ambitious, and it may very well be too ambitious as this is a personal website that talks a whole lot about poop. But Jon and I have given this a lot of thought, and generating any sort of revenue from the site, however meager or paltry it may be, would help relieve at least a little bit of the burden Jon carries in supporting this family financially.

I’ve considered taking a job outside the home, but that would mean that I would probably have to give up this website. I don’t possess the juggling skills to raise a baby and work a full or part-time job and maintain the amount of writing I have done here. This website brings me much happiness and joy, and it has been the most therapeutic part of my treatment for postpartum depression. Why not try to make a living out of it?

I’ve thought about getting a job writing a column for a magazine or newspaper, but I would inevitably be subjected to an editor in those circumstances, and editors always seem to suck the life out of whatever I’ve written (no offense to editors out there, you’re good people, except for the one I dated in Los Angeles who used to proofread Honda brochures, my god, did he need to chill it on the correct usage of apostrophes, plus there was that one time he LOST IT when he couldn’t watch a Notre Dame game, and I had to witness the near-choking of the bartender at an Irish bar on Fairfax because THE IRISH BAR WASN’T SHOWING THE NOTRE DAME GAME, OH MY GOD HOW COULD THEY CALL THEMSELVES IRISH?)

Unfortunately I’m not quite sure how to make money doing this. I applied for Google AdSense and they rejected me because of “Inappropriate language.” Yes, that’s right. Google wants nothing to do with me and my motherfucking fucker fucks, my poops and penile diseases, my nursing bras and engorged, cabbage-wrapped torpedo boobs. Here’s what they actually said:

“We’ve found that your website contains content that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense.”

Somehow I feel rather proud.

I don’t want to be edited or censored, and I would never alter the content of this site to qualify for an advertising program. My stance on this may leave me moneyless, but at least I’ll have my dignity and you’ll have my cabbage boobs.

Here’s where I ask for your feedback on the idea of a redesign. I want your input. What would you like to see here?

(NOTE: NUDE PICTURES OF ME ARE NOT AN OPTION. DON’T EVEN ASK. Nude pictures of Chuck, however, coming soon!)

Related:

1. Yes on t-shirts. I don’t know what cafepress is, but I could see you having a few at a time, perhaps with your distinctive dooce.com on the back and a snarky saying on the front? I would buy one. Or seventeen.

3. I would buy any book you wrote, sight unseen. If only I were a publisher I would “discover” you and make three billion dollars.

4. Reminder/thanks to donors, like they do daily over at http://www.themorningnews.org. I finally got around to donating to you recently, but would have done it sooner if you’d asked directly.

5. Anyone want to pay you to be a guest blogger/reviewer?

6. Your layouts are always clean and refreshing. Design a few for sale, $5-10 each? I have no idea how you’d keep people from just ripping them off, but think of the growing MT/Blogger that wants to look as cool as you. Oh, and I’ve long tried to figure out how to make galleries like yours. I suppose I’d pay $5 to use your code.

Suzette

I would pay for your site. I enjoy reading it daily. You could possibly make a little money if you linked to other websites(ex. I pay a buck a month to have you link my site).
I would also LOVE to read the hate mail you get. I would pay for that.

http://photoengrave.blogspot.com brenda

i as well would pay to view this site. i agree that last week was mundane with no dooce. i think creating some merchandise would be a good sell. i would be PROUD to wear a dooce shirt or have a dooce mousepad (please include chuck). i think i might even pay to get a response via email from you..seeing as i have written several times and it seems like you have taken one of my suggestions into consideration. i think there are a lot of people who will pay to read your site and i cant wait for the changes.

http://www.warehouse6.com Brent S

Like everyone else has said…shop yourself for a book deal. You already have the content. Someone will pick it up and they will make a lot of money.

Don’t be satisfied with just a compilation of blog entries. Pick the best pictures and have them printed on photo paper inside the book. Have the -ing’s in the book to give a nostalgic way of giving timeframes. You can create a whole new idea for a book with this.

I’d pay $40 for it. And I’d buy it for friends. And I’m a broke college student.

http://ladymadaysia.blogdrive.com Amber

Since you did originally ask what we thought would be good improvements to your site…I would have to say that all of us would love to see more pictures of Leta, Chuck, and Jon. Even crazy pictures. I love your picture idea. Also, you could host a few tutorials on how to build webpages and make awesome mastheads. You could also make categories for all of your entries..just some ideas.

http://www.crimsonabyss.org Liz

I’m all for revamping sites, I work on several sites of my own that go through almost quarterly changes depending on my mood and what I’ve been inspired by from other sites I’ve seen.

As far as making money, I’m all for merchandising. T-shirts, stickers, selling graphics/templates or stock photography, etc. What about using your fame and knowledge to start a blogger e-zine and then sell advertising space to companies and memberships to readers? That way you can be writing but still be in charge of the topics.

Just my thoughts.. your site always has inspired me.

http://www.maximumaardvark.com/ AJ

It’s been mentioned several times, but I want to register a vote for a dooce shop at cafepress. My fiancee and I would proudly pay to pimp dooce-branded merchandise.

http://davesbeer.com Dave

I hope this doesn’t sound mean, but I and about 3 million other bloggers fantasize about your popularity. If I got the traffic you do, I’d do anything to sustain it. I don’t understand much about marketing, but I can’t imagine a single banner ad (like Drudge) wouldn’t take care of bandwidth and give you a generous bit of pocket change. If it’s fee only, I’ll find another parent to commiserate with. Good luck.

http://ninotchka.squarespace.com Ninotchka

I applaud your efforts to try to earn a living doing something you love. I usually take the coward’s way out and get a “real” job but trust me, if I could find a way to make money from home, I’d be all over it! How about a premium daily subscription newsletter? That way you don’t compromise your “brand equity” and those who really like your writing could pay a small fee of $5/10 per year to receive a daily message/photo/etc. You could also feature a weekly sponsor. I’m SURE there are people out there willing to leverage your popularity to peddle their wares. Lastly, I also like the t-shirt idea. I think it would be a really easy way to make some extra $$$.

Good luck!
~ Nino
(I also like the compilation book idea…I self published, feel free to email me for more info.)

http://www.crimsonabyss.org Liz

I just read the post about the Dooce birthing book idea. Was thinking a ‘how to’ book like the for Dummies ones would be fun, could call it “Dooce for DumbAsses” LOL.

http://talpidae.diaryland.com Shawna

I haven’t read all 217 comments yet but I’m sure someone must have mentioned the idea of adding a paypal button for donations? Judging by the fact that there are 217 comments before this one, maybe you could charge for commenting. I think I saw this up top but I agree people would pay to have a banner randomly pop up to their journals/blogs. And yeah, I’d be tempted to buy the dooce.com tshirt too.

http://paralelo18.org clafina

Yep, I am also one of those who also read your site – from the caribbean, and have never posted before – and would be willing to subscribe or sponsor merchandise,just to keep reading your blog.

As for the ongoing t-shirt idea (hey, lots of people are already in line for them!), I think you have some wonderful entries which would make great quotes and could have your dooce.com adress printed somewhere. Like Annie comment #458!!!!
lots of luck!
claudia

I think whoever commented about selling link space to other bloggers would be good, too.

I can NOT wait to read the hate mail with your comments. Everytime you mention what people have said, I’ve thought you should put them up.

karen

can i say another boring comment like ‘i love your blog so much i actually have discussions with friends re your latest blog entry’? but i do. makes me laugh and thoughtful and bitchy.

um. re suggestions on money making…actually i dont have any more fresh ideas, or ideas that others havent thought of first. but cards and tshirts sound cool. and considering the volume of readers that you have (those who love and hate you), ads is a good option.

http://none stella

Love the idea of:

greeting cards,

premium membership
and

guest blogger

how about interviews with fans/other bloggers?

sell your pics, make tshirts

Hell, get the pharmaceutical companies in here, at the very least maybe you’d get free drugs!

keep going, girl!

http://www.rudderless.org slim

I like ALL of your ideas for the site. I don’t see anything wrong about trying to make a living at it. I would suggest maybe attacking it from a lot of angles with as little risk as possible and hope for the best. As others have suggested:

1. Ask for a yearly donation from readers. I think you’d have better luck getting a low fee from a lot of people rather than a higher fee from fewer people. Just a thought. Maybe a page that lists the name of donors with links to their blogs.

2. T-shirts
3. Ads

How did mighty girl’s T-shirts work out? Maybe she would be someone to bounce some of this stuff off of. Good luck.

http://jane.squarespace.com Kat F.

tshirts!

Dee

Right there with you — but you have to write daily! I did the suggestions offered (would buy a t-shirt LOL)…and will support your decisions

http://bornfamous.com lavonne

Heather, you are a born writer and I think you need to focus on your gift. Don’t waste time scattering your money-making efforts all over the place. Write. Sell what you write. For a quick buck, turn your baby blog entries and photos into a book and self-publish it. Then take your sales numbers and Dooce.com stats to a literary agent. Read “How to Publish and Promote Online” by M.J. Rose/Angela Adair-Hoy for more ideas. Rose has turned more than one online book into a bestseller. I think you can, too.

Of course I will pay for swag and premium membership, but I’d rather contribute to Leta’s college fund by buying your books–because you belong on the bestseller lists, and I want to say I read you when. ]

KIm

I’d buy a tshirt or a wonderfully designed coffemug. Can’t you link to cafepress or something like that? I’d donate (like on thenorm.com. I’d ignore the ads.

Whatever you do – don’t stop – write more. You write what I feel and don’t have the brains to put so eloquently. I Laugh out loud all the time reading your blog. Just call me “dooced”

Branden

Heather,
I’ve never been able to write before, as I am a newer reader. I sooo enjoy reading your columns and you frequently have me cackling in my cubicle. I can’t add any more ideas to all the good ones I’ve already read above, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing Dooce.com! I’m looking forward to whatever incarnation comes next!

The Former Inmate

I actually like that idea in #478 where you have a list of donors. But how about you take it further by appealing to the human need of peer recognition? I have no clue how hard it would be to implement, but how about actually giving people a status within the site that is linked to how much they post/donate? Then of course the person would need to register with the site, or you could just assign the status based purely on a name-match….you and Blurb are the code monkeys, you can figure it out best. I’m thinking that if it works for Amazon, why not here? I bet a lot of people would like their posts to say “Top 50 Donor” or “Top 10 Poster”. You get the idea.

cheryl

I know I for one would pay big bucks for a shirt with your masthead on it…cracks me up everytime I visit this site.

Bill and Tracie Williams

I would not like to see you leave the site on the side of the info highway, I don’t know what I would do. I might even go to some high bridge and see if I can spot any jumpers, then come home to my cozy chair and remote and watch for the replay on TV.

1. Amazon.com book store links. You get money when poeple buy books through your site.

2. Ebay items for sale. My sister, raising 3 young boys has made of $2k in one month spare time since I got her hooked up on ebay back in 99.

3. Sale Phote prints and framed prints. You’ve got some nice ones.

4. Auction off argument you will start with Jon without his knowing it and then post the response. Think of it as “Reality Blogging”.

5. Become a member of Elance.com and develope websites out of the home. Big expensive ones. Get the grunt work done in India for $10/hour, you charge $90 and Project Manage and QC the work over on this end.

Let me know how things go and good luck. Don’t shut down Dooce.com

Bill

Laura

I’d be proud to wear a dooce.com T-shirt from cafepress or the like. Further advertising! Whatever you decide, I am completely happy to start paying you back for the hours of entertainment you provide all of us. And think, you’ve actually made me want to have my own kids! Remarkable!

ranae

cafepress.com allows you to upload your own images and create products like tshirts or cups or even thong underwear with your own design on it. you set the price, then make the difference between that price and their set price…there is no inventory involved so you can’t take a loss. with the photography you guys both produce you could do really well with no monetary risk…i would by a tshirt with pasta on chucks nose or a mug with a pretty picture on it and i bet a lot of other people would too. check it out!

http://www.digitalcatharsis.com The Mighty Jimbo

girlfriend, your shit is digital crack.

they’ll pay for their fix.

ranae

sorry..i’m an ass i didn’t read the other suggestions to see 20000 other people already suggested cafepress

http://photographerlori.my-expressions.com/ Photographer Lori

Wanted to add that is you want to self publish anything Lulu.com is a good site. I’m sure there are more. They handle everything for you and you decide how much you want to get paid per book…you can do calendars, novels, photo books, all kinds of things. Take a look. Also people go directly there and order, so you just collect a pay check…What about selling “Making a Family” Or turning your other stories into books like that. I know the illustrator would get a cut, but I think those would make GREAT baby shower gifts! A funny/crazy/tragic look at mommyhood. That would have a “girlfriend’s guide to PG” kind of feel…I like that idea…I just got invited to a baby shower…I wish you had one now to buy!

LORI

Lisa

Hi,

I love your writing and certainly support your trying to make money off the site. However, I would have to say that I couldn’t afford to pay a subscription fee. I think that there have been some wonderful ideas listed here. I especially like the idea of getting baby bjorn or nikon or some of the other products you have promoted to pay you or advertise on your site. I’m 20 weeks pregnant with twin boys and look to your site for support and a reality check as to what is to come, also for a good laugh and for cute Leta pics. Would hate to lose the site totally because of subscription fee, but hope you find another way to make money off all of your talent, work and dedication with this site.

http://nakedjen.blogs.com nakedjen

Adding to the chorus of dooce t-shirt wearing angels, I will glady pay to help you stay right here doing what you do so very well.

Just tell me how much and I’ll hit the pay button.

I also really like the idea of contacting small cool businesses and offering them a coveted “dooce” endorsement. Whomever mentioned that cool people want to buy what other cool people have had a great idea.

Hell, Nikon should be paying you big advertising dollars for all the pictures that you post.

Just don’t disappear. A day without dooce is like a day without “poop”. It makes you constipated!

Evelyn

Heather, I agree that selling ads to small businesses for prices they can afford is the way to go. Just take a look at the fabulously successful A WORD A DAY daily email post to its world-wide list of subscribers. There are always several small paid text ads at the bottom of the daily-new-word email post, and the ads are humorous, tempting and interesting! They must be making money for the advertisers, because their ads Don’t Go Away!

Seriously, target businesses that sell baby-related items to start, items that have made a difference in your family’s life, and more inspiration will follow!

And remember to create your Federally-required business bookkeeping system, and treat the venture as your sole proprietorship business, paying quarterly income taxes, right from the start. That will save needless headaches later. The bookkeeping system needed for such a small business is simple and straightforward. Be sure to save all your receipts, as you will be deducting all of your expenses.

Also, I would pay an affordable small fee to be a “premium” member of your site, if expanded content were there.

You are an inspiring and honest writer and a voice that our society needs to hear . . . uncensored!

Evelyn
in West Suburban Philadelphia

http://www.danfan.tk Amy

Heather,
I love reading your blog. It is one of the funniest ones on the net and I think the pictures of Leta are absolutely adorable. I support you 100% in trying to make the site better and if you want to make a few bucks along the way, there’s nothing wrong with that! Keep making me laugh!
Love,
Amy

http://www.lindseyandray.com/blog.html Lindsey (again)

Oh sweet jesus woman, for the love of god please warn us if the site is going to be down during the ‘changes’ I don’t think I could go on w/out my daily dose of ‘dooce-ness’

http://ciaosamin.blogspot.com samin

dear heather,
i think you’re wonderful, and though i’m not big on paying for online things, i’d pay to read your site. i vote for a premium membership section, which might feel a lot less like you are “selling” anything than if you move toward, say, inviting advertisers to your site.

i’ve read your blog faithfully over the past year, in quite a few countries with unreliable internet connections. i mean, you’ve gotta know that if someone is typing dooce.com into a browser in northern iran, you’ve got a loyal following.

i know you’ll do great, no matter what you decide. lots of luck,
samin*

http://casademorrill.com Kat

Heather,
I just want to say how much I love reading your site. I think it would be an awesome idea to take some of your posts and bundle it into a book. In fact, I got hooked on your site when a friend of mine found your site and how you were talking about being pregnant (like she was at the time) and told me to read it. Why don’t you bundle your memoirs of being pregnant? It would definitely sell!

Anyway, keep writing. I look forward to your posts every morning when I get into work. I wish I could be even half as funny as you are!

http://kkevents.com Katie

I for one agree with an earlier comment that getting companies to sponsor/advertise is the way to go. Your monthly hits must be through the roof, and I am sure you can find someone to advertis on here!

http://rulihe.boboki.com The Emailing L

All of the ideas above are great. I can totally understand the need for money, and, to that, the desire to not want to censor yourself. Cafepress is a great idea. I’d so buy dooce shirts. You’re a *wonderful* photographer. You might want to try going to http://www.deviantart.com, setting up an account, and sell prints of your photography. The whole tutorial idea, for some of your web skills is also a great idea. I’m sure we’d all love to feel the frustrations of tables!

Catgirl

I think you could write a fabulous advice column. You could give advice with that witty, sarcastic, humorous edge you are so famous for. I for one would pay money for your advice on motherhood, love, or problems in the workplace. You’re an awesome writer!

cpr

I’m not positive, but at this moment in time, I feel I don’t feel it’s the right to make readers pay for blogs. If it’s necessary for a second income, probably better to get a regular job as a staff writer, or get a book deal based on your blog stories. And if you would like to continue your blog as your fans would hope, perhaps just writer fewer entries so that you would have time for them and not have to close the blog. Perhaps a once a week blog. For some reason in my mind I don’t have a problem buying a book of NEW stories, but I don’t feel right paying for online blog entries. Don’t know why. Maybe because a book is tangible, I can read it when I want, I can re-read it, it won’t dissapear, it’s just more enjoyable reading real books than online, etc… You could be the next David Sedaris! Your site has a refreshingly simple, clean, uncluttered, non-flashing look to it; I’d hate to see it all mucked up with stuff/ads. I love your writing though and would hate to see it go away. Your baby is so cute. She will have a full appreciation of her mother one day when she reads this. Not many people get so much insight into their parents, or get to think of them as “real people”. I think it’s neat. Thanks, cpr.

Brendan

First, what ever happened to the values of the 60′s, when brilliant creative types, rather than prostitute their arts and crafts would just sell drugs to make money?
Have we fallen so far?

Second, why don’t you just ask more clearly for people to simply send money to you if they are pleased? (The shareware model.) I have done, many would.

Third, is that comment above from someone who REALLY spells the name Branden? Of all the bastard spellings of my name I have tripped over like detritus on the nomenclatural floor this is a first. Hope it’s a one-off.

http://www.battybaby.com batty

As one of your (many) fans, I’d support dooce.com by buying the tshirt, photos turned into postcards, dooce bumper stickers, badge buttons or even just by clicking some ad links (though blogs ads would be better than google-type ads!). I really like the idea of subscriptions too, perhaps members could access all the extra features you want to add while everyone else gets to read text only entries? That would be cool. Then again, perhaps all you need is a Paypal button. I’d donate to the “dooce needs another cabbage fund”

Sharon

I would like to add my vote for you to pursue a book deal. Your writing is extremely engaging; I’m sure there’s a way for you to make a living with it. I’ve read Anne Lamott’s books as well — and Ariel Gore’s– you could certainly follow that route.
However, I would be sad to see ads on your site. Or product placement –the only exception being dooce t-shirts. Your design is always fabulous, and I think part of that is the lack of bunches of schlocky ads.
Good Luck, and Thank you!

http://acey7ride.blogspot.com acey

Hurray for finding a way to do something you love while still being able to be around to raise your baby! I don’t have any new ideas, but I’m hoping that one of them works out for you.

Jane

Well, I’m not patient enough to read through all the comments, so I bet a hundred of other people have already suggested this… BUT… I think you should definetely parlay your Dooce success into a book… not just any book mind you but a pregnancy one. I have never come across any other pregnancy preparation book that has such hilarious but informative stories as “the ten and two” or even the post pregnancy cabbage bra stories. My cousin and friend were pregnant with their second baby during the same time as you were with Leta, and I used to email her some of your entries while she was at work. She was absolutely thrilled with how funny and truthful they were. Pregnancy book all the way dooce! Pregnancy book all the way. Oh, and I often wonder if you’ve ever read “Just Checking” by Emily Colas? She has a similar witty writing style as you.

eb

Dooce, I’m there with the cash if you try to make a living at this. Keep the words a’comin.

KIMBERLEY

Holy Crap! I don’t think you should hesistate with all these people about to lap up your Dooce-y-ness! Screw the Juicy Coutouire (or however you spell it), go with Dooce-y Cotoure! Plus, I would SERIOUSLY pay to see what lame-ass fucks have to say about your fabulous-ness. Obviously, you have quite the flock to your site, so do it up Heather and see what happens! You can count me in on the shenanagans!

http://bryrrosea.diaryland.com Anne

Ooh, I’d be really glad to see the old posts come back. I want more Dooce! Vintage Dooce!

If you get more bandwith does that mean I’m no longer going to have to turn of my enire computer security system (which I do gladly, though it freaks my computer out) to view the seriously cute Leta and Chuck pictures?

Add me to the list of people who would gladly pay for a premium Dooce service, especially it included stupid emails. I love stupid emails.

http://always.ejwsites.net Lucy

The amazon.com affiliates program is pretty good. I get about US$200 a quarter on average, but that goes up significantly during the Christmas period.

http://ahsog.typepad.com Kate

I just wanted to let you know that I would absolutely sign up as a subscriber if you chose to go that way.

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