Thursday, March 15, 2012

Stressed. Out.

Those of you who know me know that being a good teacher isn't good enough for me. I want to be great. I strive every day to be the type of teacher good enough for my own children. So when things don't go as planned, and I have an off day (gasp!), I get stressed out. Like, REALLY stressed out. And I don't handle my stress well.

Those of you who don't know me don't know what happened to me last year. So here's the condensed version in 1 sentence or less: I worked my butt off, got put in what I thought was a very unfair situation, felt as though my boss turned her back on me, started having some pretty serious anxiety attacks, started hating going to work, found out I had an irregular heartbeat, ended up visiting 4 different doctors, spent 2 months in physical therapy because I could no longer bend my neck, and had to get massage therapy twice a week. And here's the end result: the doctor told me to find a new job and to start doing more yoga. So here I am a year later: a budding yoga-lover who works part-time in a new job. I haven't had a single anxiety related symptom all year. Until yesterday.

Yesterday I revisited that ugly place that I thought I had left behind. I had one of the worst days I had had in a very long time. It was new and all-too-familiar all at the same time. And it sucked.

So I went home and did what I always do when I'm stressed- I ate. Whatever what was in reach. Some Pringles, a quesadilla complete with sour cream (low-fat!), a few spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream. But something was different this time. I was mindful for once of what was going on, and stopped myself dead in my tracks. With my stomach still in knots and my mind still reeling, I headed outside and took it out on my bushes. (Hey, my yard needed to get ready for spring anyway. Yesterday was as good a day as any to get it there.)

And by 11:00 last night, I was still a stressed out mess. (Yes, I realize it is neither healthy nor normal to let work affect me this way. But I did tell you I don't handle my stress well. I wasn't kidding.) After a night of not sleeping, I did something mildly crazy at the totally crazy hour of 6 AM. And I'm not gonna tell you until tomorrow, because it's an entirely different story. But I'll leave you with these clues: it did not involve unhealthy nutritional choices, and it is definitely NOT something I anticipated writing about. But it happened. And I felt SO GOOD afterwards!

About Me

I'm just a hot-mess mama trying to make sense of it all: my kids, my health, my fitness, my happiness... they're all important, right? Now, how do I keep it all together???? Hmmm... join me on my journey as I try to figure it all out!