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Let Go And Trust

That’s what they told me when I learned to ride a bike and when I put on my first set of roller skates.

That’s what they said when I learned to scuba dive and drive a tractor and go up in a hot air balloon.

That’s the advice I got when I did any BIG thing in my life.

So I’m dusting off the phrase and embracing it anew on this eve of my Sweetheart’s carotid artery surgery. That’s all I can do.

Cuz, see, I’ve always believed “trust” was best achieved after lots & lots of hard work, much preparation, many kind fates, and much good karma. I’ve never been able to just “trust” without doing everything in my limited powers to assure a positive outcome.

But this cruel cancer, is NOT something you can do the homework for. It’s not something my detailed list making, well articulated planning, or considerable research and experience can help me with. I just gotta “let go and trust.”

It’s so hard for me! I want to roll up my sleeves, dive in, do the heavy lifting, make it better. I want, by sheer force of will, to help in a very “hands on, all in, no stone left unturned” way. I firmly believe that…

but I want a magic wand. I want a miracle. I want to believe I can

Fortunately, I have a wonderful support network.

Albert’s family is amazing!–his son Erik and his sister Karen are so full of love. My sister Kim is holding my hand across the miles. We have a great team of doctors and care professionals. Albert is brave, determined, and ready to get this done. You have all offered your prayers and good tidings. I am deeply connected to my own spiritual core. I have been through much in my life–I can get through this.

It seems I’ve been swimming up stream, against the current, all my life. I never take the easy way. I’m forever over-thinking, over-worrying, and under trusting. I have this very busy squirrel cage mind that keeps spinning all day and all night. But I learned this…

from my beloved sister Kim who taught me to kayak. The first thing she said, after we cleared the safe shallows, was “just let go and trust…go with the flow!” and I did and I had an amazing experience. I was in cold, deep water. Waaaay over my head. In the middle of a river. With few skills. But the only way to do it was to “just do it” and I did.

Sure, I drifted a little. Went in the wrong direction a lot. Got all wet. And scared my sister when she looked back and I was lollygagging behind.

But I saw nesting eagles in the tops of the pines and deer in the sun-dappled glades and young turkeys in a gaggle. I felt the sun warm my soul and the water glisten with golden light and the kayak was a lovely capsule for me to practice trust in. And I did.

So I’m working today on cultivating trust. And letting go. I’m calling in all my allies for prayers and good thoughts. I’m asking people for help–with the chores, the responsibilities, and the worry. I’m trying to

It’s gonna be okay.

I’ve had a complicated, challenging life but I’ve always managed to land on my feet. Albert has had a demanding, contributing, extraordinary life and he is a warrior, a survivor, and a brave soul.

We will be facing this hand in hand, heart to heart, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forever. We will

And I hope you remember, all of you who are facing health, relationship, family, financial, emotional, or other tangles of your own, that

Thank you for sending all the light and love and healing you can spare on October 31st at about 7 a.m. Arizona time. I will be holding your hands and resting my head on your shoulders. Together we can get through this. I trust. And let go.

P.S. I have posted classes and made grand plans for the other side of this surgery to give myself a safe harbor to look forward to after tomorrow. They are subject to change, of course, but I trust that my optimism and the prayers of so many will carry us over these scary rapids and into calmer waters…where I will celebrate life with you again soon.

Awesome piece, Kaitlin. May you find the wind under your wings to support you and carry you through the morrow. That trust thing’s a bitch. What can I say. Not my strong suit, at least not positive trust. You got it in you, your a raving optimist ( or at least have me fooled!). Gotta have positive trust in something to be optimistic. Best to you and Albert tomorrow. May your surgeons and their assistants be skillful and may thing turn out just as you hope they will Peace, love and bravery💞Kim

Oh my thoughts and prayers will be with you. Your posts have lifted me and helped me through some difficult days caring for my mother in the last chapter of her life. It came to me tonight it may be her last chapter but it needs a happy ending. I am wishing for you a happy ending to this difficult chapter and many more chaters to come!!

Whenever I am sad or stressed, I pretend I am with you two at beautiful Windsong Gardens, in the lower jungle, with a sip of blackberry brandy, the full moon pouring through the trees, and you two holding me safe. Thank you for offering me the beauty and peace of your compassionate love! Always in my heart, Kaitlin

> thundermoonstudios posted: ” That’s what they told me when I learned to > ride a bike and when I put on my first set of roller skates. That’s what > they said when I learned to scuba dive and drive a tractor and go up in a > hot air balloon. That’s the advice I got when I did any BIG” >