Where Everybody Knows Your (Brand) Name

Monthly Archives: June 2013

When we left off in yesterday’s Part I post, Sam was trying to warn Diane that her old friend Heather was hitting on him: “Listen, sweetheart, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, because you’re pals and all that, but she’s coming onto me, gangbusters. And I’ll tell you something else. I need a little help here because I don’t have that much experience saying no to women. The closest I’ve ever gotten is: ‘Not now, we’re landing.'”

But Diane doesn’t believe him, so she invites them both over for dinner. But when Heather pulls out all the stops with her next outfit, Diane starts to falter.

Heather: “Well, what do you think about this dress? I just bought it today. I saw it and I just had to have it.”Diane: “Why did you buy a dress today of all days? You come into the bar, you meet…everyone, and you go out and get a ‘come-get-me dress.’ Explain yourself.”

In this installation of the Sam’s Women series, we focus on Season 2, Episode 11, in which Diane receives a visitor:

Diane: “Hello, everyone. This is Heather Landon, my oldest friend.”Carla: “Meet her this morning?”Diane (to Heather): “That’s Carla. She likes a little witty repartee, she just isn’t capable of it.”

They may have met in fourth grade, but Heather is grown woman by the time she walks into Cheers. And I mean grown. And she looks good.

Unfortunately, Sam notices. And Heather starts flirting…

Below are expensive and inexpensive modern versions of her day-to-evening outfit. Rag & Bone vs. Uniqlo, Kelly Wearstler’s vs. Topshop’s takes on cupro pants, and two nearly identical black ankle boots for two very different prices.

In Episode 10 of Season 2, “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Call You Back,” Sam and Diane dance circles around the eternal dating question: “What are we doing” aka “Where are we going?” aka “Do you love me?” (of course, it’s Diane’s idea to discuss it in the first place). In one of the rare times that we see Diane’s unbottoned side, if you will, Sam goes to Diane’s apartment to find her a few wine bottles deep.

Sam: “Wow! You’re drunk!”
Diane: “Wow! You’re stupid! I’ll be sober in the morning.”
Sam: “You’re upset about my not thinking about our relationship. I will start thinking about our relationship. Maybe we should take some time off, not see each other for a while. That way I’ll just have one thing on my mind the whole time.”
Diane: “That’s one more than you usually have.”

After pointing out his lack of intelligence a few more times, they decide to meet back up in a week and have the talk. The DTR (“Define the Relationship”), as my friends and I have always called it. Throughout the episode Diane wears a few short-sleeve knit sweaters.

Of course, Sam mucks the whole thing up because he keeps choking on the word “love.” If you’ve dated a dude in San Francisco, this might sound familiar:

Sam: “Obviously the only reason that I’m with you is that I luh–”
Diane: “What, Sam?”
Sam: “I said the reason that I’m with you is that I luh.”
Diane: “You luh?”
Sam: “You know what I mean.”
Diane: “Well what’s the matter? Can’t you say it?”
Sam: “Of course I can. I luh–I luh–I luh.”