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So, it’s December and officially time to panic. You have just three weekends to try to cram a year’s worth of thoughtfulness into a single gift. Ugh…and a card. AND WRAP IT (brothers/male readers: a paper grocery bag with the receipt still in it is NOT WRAPPING PAPER). Oh, the humanity…

Luckily, I’ve been kind enough to create a list of last-minute gift ideas for those of you who were thinking about giving your younger sister nothing but a bag of old mushy fruit again…

Top holiday gifts of 2011:

A Giant, Radio Controlled Flying Shark
I was about to organize the gifts according to “who”…you know, Moms, Dads, siblings, co-workers, etc., but I said screw that. Who doesn’t want a remote-controlled 4’7″ inflatable flying shark? The title of this video says it all.

…Okay, so I didn’t gather any more Top Holiday Gifts beyond that. However, I do think that about sums up what’s on most people’s wish lists, whether they knew to ask for it or not.

But if your loved ones are afraid of sharks, there is one other thing I’m recommending for friends and family, besides boatloads of inflatable sharks: a boatload of Spartacus and the Circus of Shadows‘s.*

Yeah, I said it–don’t say you didn’t see it coming! And I don’t feel bad about saying it either because think about it: if you gotta buy someone something AND you gotta buy ME something–might as well hit two birds with one stone, right? I promise I won’t ask you for an inflatable shark if you buy a book for a friend (besides, I bought myself three of the sharks already). Oooh, that means, you buying my book is MY gift to YOU. I love how this is all working out.

There will be no sharks, but there will be lion tattoos.

* * * * * *

* Sure, there is, uh, one shark in Spartacus. But he’s really mostly a man. But kinda a shark. And really, there aren’t any pictures of him…well, besides this one…and another I can’t show for copyright reasons. But–hey, you can’t go through life being scared of things! When I was little I was scared of…well, I mean I could imagine being scared of, oh, say the apocalypse or something. Of course, I wasn’t, but I’m just saying I can see how someone might be.