Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Of Greek Coordinates

After the GammaState, it was soon a matter of time before I would just try to explore other states, starting, clearly, with the very opposite one. I’m calling the Gamma’s opposite SigmaState. Unlike the GammaState, when the Flames prevail, the SigmaState is the portal through which the Scourgers can attack me and spread their terror.

Following there is the ZetaState, the neutral state of my mind when I seem to feel nothing either positive or negative. It could be a gate guarded by Noekk (or another gate-keeping entity). Seems like a pretty basic lineup. Gamma as positive, Zeta as neutral and Sigma as negative. Still, there are several, several other states of mind, and it could go from five to six, or eight states. But that would seem too clunky to come up when I would try charting my emotions. So I thought about having it no only as up and down, but a full Cartesian chart. However, I’d have to find what the other axis would be.

So one day I realized how this horizontal axis could work like. I named them Omega and Alpha. It’s all part of alphabetical impressions, the name-choosing: Alpha has vowels like Gamma, while Omega has syllables like Sigma. And that’s how they’re paired. Regarding their meaning, I’m afraid it was fruit of analytical wisdom. I don’t know how to describe precisely what they mean, the axis just came up. Maybe they represent a sense of purpose, or an axis from confusion to clarity. For instance, whenever I’ve been feeling the lead lately I’ve been considering it an increasing Omega state.

OmegaState has this interesting quality of defining my inability to define what I am feeling. It doesn’t give me the excuse of not trying to define what I am feeling, but rather serves the purpose of making me perceive how dangerous it is for me to be confused and entangled. AlphaState represents then this feeling of determination and strength. For instance, the awareness of confusion could make me feel coming to an Alpha increase.

The chart goes with Gamma and Sigma as the vertical axis, with Gamma siding up, and Alpha siding right on the horizontal axis. There’s also sometimes trying to know if this positive feeling is more Alpha or Gamma, or then if this negative distress is Omega or Sigma, but it’s a matter of being more in touch with them to learn of the differing shades.

Regarding combinations, Alpha-Gamma is the most positive one, while Omega-Sigma is the most dangerous one. Alpha-Sigma represents a determination for recovery or revenge. It’s mostly when the character Trygve starts getting his power. The Omega-Gamma represents when I’m trying to reach trances before reaching Alpha, so there’s lead responses and also malfunctioning trances, full of nonsense realizations.

Being out or answers or being disoriented shows increasing Omega, which is the first sign of decreasing Gamma and heading to Sigma. Finding hope again is an increased Alpha, and is the way to get to Gamma, though there’s causal consequences that prevent this cycle from happening, as getting to Gamma from a recovered Sigma sometimes feels blocked by Causal Adherence and Assumption.

There’s a cut on the Omega-Gamma and Alpha-Sigma corners. As they are divergent, I couldn’t possibly reach 10 with both states. Those summit levels only happen with convergence states, such as Omega and Sigma, or Alpha and Gamma. The divergent states can lead to one side or another, such as high Gamma levels not letting occasional Omega occurrences to bring me Sigma.

By the way, I’m trying to be careful with degrees, such as reaching 10 in Sigma would be the worst I could reach. And even my most suicidal tendencies are to border 9. Highly depressive or delusive moments are around 7 or 8. One or two is just around the Zeta State where each state doesn’t seem to show much of their characteristics, and it’s where I spend much of my time, around 2 or 3 each side.

As I’ve been trying to chart my emotions I suddenly noticed my emotions are highly unstable. There are several skirmishes between Gamma and Sigma state (or Flames and Scourgers). Still, as much as I’m noticing this pattern, I can see there’s also one I’m showing a tendency, and so there’s small peaks of Gamma (in first braudelian level) during a Sigma phase (in second or third braudelian levels), or then small falls towards Sigma when I am feeling strong Gamma levels.

It seems to me like a chart with good foundations, but I am not sure it’ll work, even if it seems very solid. These thoughts I’ve had on them was when already using it, and it didn’t show many cracks, so I think I’m ok to practice more advanced coordinates for pattern-finding. As I’m not really well-trained with them yet, I’ve been only trying vague coordinates, as it requires some triangulation skills I’ll mess with if I try to make it too specific too early on. The key here is to be really honest to myself with whatever I am feeling.