I mentioned a while back that this year, 2016, is a nine year; that is, if you add the numbers 2 + 1 + 6, you get nine. Every year has its own vibration, just like every day, every moment, etc. We don’t have to narrow it down quite that far, but I wanted to explore the nine theme a bit more. For me, the first thing I think about nine is that it’s a multiple of three, which is my number. My birthday is on the 12th of the month which reduces down to three and if you add all the digits in my entire birthday, you get 30, which again reduces down to three. So, threes have big meaning for me. The address of this place, if you add in the flat number, is 18, which is a multiple of nine and three, so there you go. I wasn’t specifically looking for a place based on what number the address reduced to, but when I did add it up, I confess to getting a little tingle of meant to be. After all, this was really the only place I looked at before I moved.

Personally, I can already see how the negative aspects can come forward. Living alone, working from home, being off at unconventional times, it’s easy to fall into isolation, easy to just watch that one more episode on Nexflix instead of getting out and going for a walk or a swim, etc. and telling myself it’s perfectly okay. Sometimes, fetching and carrying Eli to and from school is really the only thing that gets me out of the house, so I completely understand how powerful the pull to isolation is. I’m not depressed or agoraphobic, but it’s just an easy routine for someone who’s already an introvert to fall into. Let’s focus instead, the self-reliance, attaining goals and magic aspects of the number, right?

The other day, I pulled all the nine cards out of my Zen deck and they’ve been sitting on my dresser where I pass by them multiple times a day. Lots of information there if you take a moment to absorb it, so I thought this was a good time to start. I hope I can take some of this to heart going forward in this year (now with a second beginning after the Chinese New Year on Monday). Sometimes I feel like all of my thoughts and energy are just so wrapped up in getting through each day that I’ve left a large piece of myself somewhere and I can’t quite figure out where to find it. I keep telling myself it’s okay, that I have been through a major transition and it’s fine to take as long as I need to process it, but the Protestant work ethic part of me gets a little impatient with that. It’s so nice to have such lively inner dialog…not!

So, let’s move forward with the nines. The first card it the Major Arcana card, IX, Aloneness:

Well, now that’s a feeling I can relate to. I think if I had to sum up a feeling that has dominated my entire life, it would be aloneness. I know that some of you reading this might think that sad, but I don’t. When I was younger, yes. It was often difficult being the new kid, the different kid, the smart kid with the glasses who just moved in, the tall kid, the big kid, the kid that people couldn’t tell if he/she was a boy or a girl (yeah, got that a lot). But now, it’s a big strength for me. I don’t fear change. I don’t fear the future (well, maybe if the Comb-over gets elected President ::::shudder::::). I know that some people get freaked out if they think about going forward without a partner or family, or whatever makes them feel whole and secure. Me, I have always felt more insecure in a relationship than out of one. I’m just now realizing that. In fact, I may have just realized it only as I wrote that sentence. I’ve always felt stronger alone than in groups, because I know I can count on myself and I’ve never, ever really been able to count on other people when push came to shove. So this card resonates deeply with me.

Again, turning to Greer, this card, also called The Hermit in more traditional decks, speaks to, “Withdrawal, solitude. Turning away from or abandonment of convention…” Oh my, now you’re speaking my language. Turning away from convention. Well, let’s see. Not buying health insurance. Not buying a house. Not buying into a lot of the ideas of how someone my age “should” be or live or act. In fact, not buying. I’m already downsizing more from what I brought with me from G’s. If I left today, I would take considerably fewer than twelve boxes. The “stuff” of life is becoming less and less compelling to me. Additionally, the card speaks to “a need to plan and take things slowly, feeling your way carefully.” Yes, so much yes there. Going forward, yes, but in my own time; the way I want to do it, not the way anyone else does. That works for me.

So, now I turn to the Zen deck meaning and this hits me, “When there is no significant other in our lives, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues. If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your ‘aloneness’ and take responsibility for the choices you have made.”

The Buddha said, “Be a light unto yourself.” If you look at the image above, you see that there is a soft light emanating from the solitary figure. That’s what I want. That’s what I want this year to be about. I want to find that light within and let it out a little bit. I want to push the darkness back just a bit, just me, just my own truth and power.

See? So much information here, so much good stuff. And that’s only one card. The other nines are waiting and we’ll explore them soon.