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whether they knew
in my solitude
to the moon I talk…, and even if appears
to the stars, I complain…, and even if it blinks
with the chant of wind, I knit silence
and passed the time with a small candle glowing reluctantly

o how sad
this heart wrapped in bitterness thus not able to welcome love
these eyes were not able to gaze the world which clouded by hypocrisy
this tongue not able to spell the misery of soul which wallowed in loneliness
and they called me as
a cool breeze that touches the dried soul
harp’s string that calmed the rhythm of the heart
and my poem were the words of gods
their assessment was too high

gosh…., I’m just someone
whose befriended with night and sleeping in the cocoon of loneliness
whose thought and feelings were searching for the justification
of self and the greatest meaning of life

Like this:

if love is gone
from the face of this earth
no more smiling lips
no more hands to shake
ambition chasing one another
without shame
the dome of egoism created
full of lies and falsehoods
driven by pride
desires about love
spoken without words
as if chained by the tongue
drifting in the arid heart

Like this:

you leave without cues
like dust blown by the wind
the inside part of me goes
floating on the waves of my days
I love you best friend
longing to share
like stars with the night
like loyal dews to the dawn
every single moment has jealousy
how happy you are up there
floating among the clouds without load
while me….
collecting second by second
counting time to be with you

Like this:

your imperfection makes me understand you better
*
my imperfections make you understand me better
*
my friend
*
we are now sitting side by side
walking hand in hand
*
the imperfections have become perfect
*

cry my friend… please cry
release the heavy of burden
let the tears rolling away along with pain
dried by wind to take your sadness away

send your longing through prayer and praise
to purify your languishes soul
yet keep the beauty of memories
dancing in the deep of the soul

wish I could shoo your pain
wish I could stop it engrave your chest
wish I could be there for you
but you are too far away to be reached
I could only pray
‘Dear God …,
please give strength and fortitude
to my dear faraway friend…
for I believed
the trials that given would not exceed her ability.’

*
mei

***

the secret of lifetoo complicated to understandtoo high to be touchedtoo deep to be withdrawnhowever ended in death- nafaz-
***

Like this:

silently known
laying in the corner of each heart
the greatest honor that bestowed
love
a basic concept of perfecting the harmony of life
like music, echoed around the world
you…, me… everyone has love
everyone are entitled to live in peace
and sets us free to resonate in timeless harmony
speak the words of care to bring harmony to our earth
do not let it grow like a tree in the meadow
cluttered by the wind of ego
slowly dried the branches of feelings
or let them just go away
love is a word with deeper meaning of ideal reality
the example of bearer of the light
and be the admiration of all who follow
to shine like star at the dark night of hatred
there’s an inner voice whispering clear to our ears
there’s a sacred sense beating in our hearts
closer and true than we realize
love,
speaking for all creatures
speaking for all the living to shine together

Like this:

if this life is a game
whether I’ll be the player or spectator
if I’m a spectator
then I will sit in place yelling to support the players
but if I am the player then I should win
if life is a theater
whether I’ll be the actor or director
if I am the actor I have to act very well
but if I in charged as the director
then I have to responsible for the success of the drama
ah …. so complicated and confusing
perhaps life is not to choose
as well as it can’t be assumed
I guess I have to keep dancing
floating along the rhythm of life
and enjoy the elegance of its music

Like this:

….and I stay stunned
one other soul leave the body
a life changed to a death

if I die…. oh no
I’m not ready yet

suddenly my brain says:
“I knew, you knew… we all knew
every soul that breathes will surely die
because death is an ‘inevitability’
it will come to anyone, anytime, anywhere
no delay… no resist… no exception”

then my heart interrupts:
“it’s not to be feared
if you have enough charities
to get the key of the hereafter”

***

“Who are often remembering the death and diligently prepare to face death
will get the serenity of the world and the glory of the hereafter. “

Like this:

I crawled out of my skin
and curled into a ball
allowed the wind to kick me
down an endless winding road
along the way I witnessed
invisible claws dig
deep inside an open field
uncovering ancient treasures
as diamonds gradually
overwhelmed the sky
I unfurled my mind and
surrendered my spirit
to the next reality

Like this:

This incredible photo marks the end of Matador Torrero Alvaro Munera’s career.

He collapsed in remorse mid-fight when he realized he was having to prompt this otherwise gentle beast to fight. He went on to become an avid opponent of bullfights. Even grievously wounded by picador, he did not attack this man.

Torrero Munera is quoted as saying of this moment: “And suddenly, I looked at the bull. He had this innocence that all animals have in their eyes, and he looked at me with this pleading. It was like cry for justice, deep down inside of me. I describe it as being like a prayer because if one confesses, it is hope, that one is forgiven. I felt like the worst shit on earth”.

Like this:

*
Every time I pass the hospital’s gate to visit my brother, I saw a young woman begging
while cradling her baby. As I know beggars usually looks slouchy with faces to be pitied.
But this one is different, she looks clean and smiles the time receiving the alms.
It’s inviting my attention.

One other day after the visit I have to wait for the heavy rain at the bus stop.
Then I saw her again sitting in the corner but looks gloomy.
I approached her and try to open a conversation, “Hi my name is Mei what’s yours?.
She answered reluctantly, “Kartina”.
“You have a beautiful name, how old your baby is?” while observing the baby.
He was so thin, yellow and his eyes glazed.
She looks at me with a rather wide-open eyes “He is not my baby!” she said firmly.
I was a bit surprised, “Oh I am so sorry…, I thought he is your baby because I saw you
cradle him every day!”.
“I rent him!”, she said with a barely heard sound.
This time I really shocked but try to distract her attention by offering candies.
She took and straightly eat it.
I asked her again, “I often seeing you smile, but today you seem gloomy?”
She replied without hesitation “I only get Rp. 12 thousand since this morning while
the rent of this baby is Rp. 25 thousand for one day”. she stopped, look at me with hope.
“He should be returned at 19.00 every day. But tomorrow they would not let me bring him
if I do not pay today’s rent” she sighed.
“Why should you bring the baby, isn’t that even a hassle ?”
“Well…. by carrying him my revenue could be tripled”.
“How much is your income in a day?”
“Not necessarily, but at least Rp.140 – 170 thousand !” a little pride splashed at the look of her face”.
Speechless …. didn’t know what to say….. wondered what was happening in this world.
Left her a little box of candy then said goodbye.
Went home in the cold rain yet the inside of me burning.

After the incident I never want to look at the place she was begging, I don’t have
heart to see the baby in her arms.
I would never know, whether the human moral has been slumped or this life that ruthless.

rain began to fall
like silver needles pierce my veil
I sheltering in front of a store
wishing I was with you*

waiting for the rain to stop
the memories about you venturing
you was the one who sow the seeds of love
you let grow large with leaves of longing
but then you left it drought
the tree of love languish*

in this solitude
I wondered
why we met if then have to split
why should there be love
if it only makes us miserable
oh God wish I knew your purpose*

Like this:

I can see the sun
but
why can’t I see my shadow
pouring prayer and praises into the cup of faith

*

I can see the dark
and
I can see my shadow
sipping the wine of pleasure from the cup of sin

*Oh Allah …..,
I am just a grain of substances
which was allowed to stop by and enjoy life
but tend to choose pleasure than piety
I’ve crossed the ocean to the edge of universe
to correct the mistake of my shadow
turns
it has to come from the fibers of this self
to kneel below Thy splendor

Like this:

It starts with typical tone in a minor which is a sign, that this is it.It is calling me. Like hypnosis. In the moment it lifts my spirit.
I jump from the chair with ease into a soft dance.
These Arabic rhythms are so natural to me. They are so wild and so tender… everything at once. They are uncontrollable. They are free. I am free to merge with God.I turn together with this music around the Sun.

*

*

I am this music.I feel it in my solar plexus, I feel it in my heart,I feel it in my head and in my blood.I breathe music.I am in love. In a trance.I am Scheherazade who is flying on a carpet through the Universe with the speed of light.I am high. I am peace.I have super powers. I am full of energy. I am powerful like a Gods.I am really me. I am turning and turning. Music is my engine. I am turning and turning like I am not from here. Music are actually words from God changed into songs, so that we can all understand Him.

Like this:

the music been played, the song sung why you just silentwandering away in your mindwhich flew in the quasi beauty

*

everybody dancing, they are laughingbut you …, o dear you just remain silentinfiltrated deep into the pastburied in the mud of misery

*oh dear friendwhere the hope that holdwhere the dream to achievedwhere the hell is your worldwhy hiding from realityor maybe this is the destiny that enjoyed if my friend…., if I could take you watch the sun crawls from the horizonwatch the red dusk reaching the nightstrode across yesterday to meet tomorrow

Like this:

I’m just an old singerthough blindI will always sharing cheerstill this voice lost

I’m just an old singerthough frailI will not stop singingtill this lips stop moving

then
when the voice was lostwhen the lips was stop movingthe clouds creeping weakthe birds flying marchedthe leaves sighing sadlydrove her to the last placeand the wind blowing gently
exhales the promise in her song

Like this:

that nightwhen the night was silentwhen it felt sweet as honey the moon hungcrawled slowly like turtleas watching from many angles

*

that nightwhen the night was quietwhen it felt so peacefulthe moon hungcrawled slowly like mothsas creeping into the mind

*sudden disappearedhiding behind a cloudthe night seemed darker than usualwhile the inner of self could be seen clearlythe blood poisoned by winethe body overpowered by pleasureand the soul tainted by sin

*that nightwhen the moon has been gonewhen the night became darkerthis abject self was creepingsearching for the antidoteto dissolving the world’s poison