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You Go Before Me

Monday, January 3, 2011

The road to Lakeland is one I have driven many times.While I was home on break, I was coming back from Lakeland and I was driving on what seems to be the longest road ever created. I had on music in the car that brings me back to such a sweet place in my mind, and I began to spend time with the Lord.I just began sharing how I am feeling about life and everything that has been going on in my head and heart. While I have nothing to complain about, and I am extremely blessed, this season of life hasn't exactly been what I thought it was going to be and it has been a challenge. There is nothing wrong with this, but I have felt in my own heart that some things just don't seem 'easy' any more and life just seems hard right now. I was reminded of the lessons I have been learning over the past 6 months and God has constantly been teaching me about seasons and the fact that He has the perfect time for everything.Surrendering the way I think things should be done, to His will, has become a daily struggle for me.As I was being completely real with the Lord, He stopped me and almost brought me back in my mind to this place. Let me share with you.I saw myself, in the car, 3 years ago, driving back to Southeastern going the opposite direction I was currently driving. Listening to the same music and spilling my heart out to the Lord, I could remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach. The hurt, the insecurities, the questioning, the impatience, and just the weary place I was at in life. I was reminded of conversations that I had with the Lord."What are you doing with my life? Where do you want me to go? When will I not feel this way? What do you want from me?"I was lost, confused, tired, and hurting, but trusting that the Lord knew what He was doing and even though it was nothing that I had planned, He knew exactly what He was doing with my life when He brought me to Southeastern.Now that I am out of that place in life, I know that I needed that year, no matter how hard it was.God was shaping my heart even when I didn't know it.Those memories were bittersweet, but the Lord wasn't finished talking to me.He then brought to mind everything I have done in the last 2 and a half years since I have been at Trevecca. He has blessed me so much since I have been there, and while I am missing certain parts of the things I have experienced since I was there, the Lord also reminded me that He has a season for everything and I need to be thankful for what I was given, but to trust what He's doing even now, in my life while I am at Trevecca. I couldn't help but smile thinking about how many blessings have been poured into my life since I moved to Nashville.

The Lord then moved on to tell me this. In my own words:

"Bethany, just like the many times you've driven that road in front of you, and you had no idea what I was doing, you were hurting, and questioning me, look where I've brought you. I knew what I was doing. And just like I brought you to Nashville, and I have given you things for a season. Life is always going to change. You may not understand everything that is going on right now, but I still know what I am doing. And just like the road ahead of you, it's long, and you can't see everything in front of you, but I can. And if you'll let me, I want to walk every step of this journey beside you. I have so much planned for you, just keep trusting me. I know what I am doing."

I felt like the Lord was sitting right there in the car talking to me.I wanted to stay in that moment forever, the ride home flew by.I am thankful for these experiences, and these reminders that God knows what He is doing with my life, and if I will continue to trust Him and follow him, He will walk beside me every step of the way.

I pray that in this next season of my life, as I go back to school to tackle another semester, that I will see God's plan unfolding in front of me daily. I want to be more aware of what He is doing in and around me, and I pray that I will become so in tuned with what He wants for me.

" You never said it would be easy, You only said I'll never go alone."