Boards

I keep buying open returns into London, but no one ever checks my ticket on the way back. There's no barriers at the station either, so I've got a bunch of return tickets valid until the end of April or whatever. Next time I go into London, can I just buy a single and use one of the return tickets again on the way back? So long as it's valid and no one's stamped it, it should be fine, yeah?

Tickets have special microchips built into them which "know" when they've been used. If you try to get on a train with it again the ticket will emit a high frequency noise and the train dogs will get you.

Handy hint: Even if your ticket does get stamped, if it's not too imprinted, get your fingers greasy (I discovered this whilst eating McDonalds chippers, but you could probably get enough off your hair) and that pesky purple will slide right off.

i was thinking about a train ticket-related ruse the other day (i commute into cambridge from king's lynn every day). It involved:

- making a fake annual season ticket from kings lynn to cambridge;
- buying a real annual season ticket from waterbeach to cambridge;
- keeping one in my season ticket pouch for presentation to the inspector;
- keeping the other in another pocket for putting through the station barriers.

but (a) i'd be bound to fuck up and present the wrong ticket and (b) it's a tad on the fraudulent side (and would probably result in a criminal record and prison sentence). So yeah, I decided that it was a bad idea.

and would buy an open return each way once a month and just keep reusing them, thus essentially having a monthly season ticket for 60 quid. if they mark it you can get the ink away easy by wetting or greasing your finger. If the imprint is notciable screw it up in a ball as if it was in your pocket then flatten it out again. Also always keep it in one of those little wallet plastic things and just flash it, they are too lazy to be arsed to take it from you or mark it usually. Further to this train guards are creatures of habit and always do their ticket check at the same time. Southampton to London fast trains always check between Winchester and Basingstoke usually if not just after, by knowing this and sitting at the back end of a carriage facing the way the guard will come with a toilet just behind you on the new fgangled trains you can see the buggers coming thusly jumping in to do your business as they pass. Two birds, one stone.

i probably owe a lot of money to South West Trains. Side note, is what I have just described stealing? i did this for about a year.

and a look round to the other people in the queue (who are obviously in a rush and looking pissed off with you) and a sort "amirite? I made a funny peeps" type expression and chortle it would be awesome.