3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
dreaming of having a son who might instead

4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section

5. You prefer later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops

6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46

7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like

8. Flicking through Heat magazine makes you too tired to go out

9. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
because they'll be all right for the garden

10. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it

11. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving
properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an
electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man
for the car to deter would be thieves.

12. You start to worry about your parents health.

14. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500

15. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child

16. Pop music all starts to sound a bit crap

17. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have
any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle
of house white

18. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture

19. You always have enough milk in

20. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and
franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents

21. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.

22. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.

23. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q

24. You wish you had a shed

25. You have a shed

26. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day"

27. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy young has some really interesting guests on, you know

28. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus,
you tut at school children whose diction is poor

29. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
baskets

Despite the Oscar and general popularity of Curse
of The Were-Rabbit it just didn't make enough money to break even. At
the time, forecasts from DreamWorks guessed that Flushed
Away was also going to cost them dearly.

And so it did. Costing over Â£70M to make but only drawing about Â£25M from the
box office is not anyone's idea of good business practice. It certainly does not
go down well in Hollywood.

Have you done the maths? That's only three of the original four film deal.
Crood Awakening has been co-written by John Cleese has a release date
for 2008. Whether either side will still risk the potential losses of releasing
it, is unknown and a wrangle over the rights of the production could keep the
project in development hell for decades.

Aardman and DreamWorks have both voiced their calm resignation over the
split. Aardman spokesperson, Arthur Sheriff, said, "We always knew America would
be a hard task for us â€¦ our strength is our English sense of humour and we want
to continue with that."

Comedy and celebrity, sometimes, don't work well together. As soon as a
comedian gets on the TV then that's his/her act used up; the set is old jokes.
Before TV and a comedian could get one set to last over a year doing isolated
stand-up gigs. That's why many comedians' longevity has been scuppered after
they got 'famous'.

It is an even bigger problem for those candid comedians whose material comes
from undercover work: Dennis Pennis, Brass Eye and Trigger Happy TV are a few of
the casualties of popularity. Now Sacha Baron Cohen faces that problem with
Borat.

The humour derived from people not knowing Borat is a fictional character
loses its edge after an international box office hit film, two Golden Globes,
threats of violence and death, and a nation threatening legal action. So Cohen
is prepared to say farewell to the naÃ¯ve reporter from Kazakhstan.

He said, â€œI think it will probably be impossible to do Borat again. I think
the days of me going undercover are probably over."

Well, they'll maybe be over after completion of the Â£22M film deal that will
feature his gay, Austrian fashion designer, Bruno. Get that hate mail ready,
steady, ...

Buddy 'Aces' Israel (Piven) is the top entertainer in Las Vegas. More
importantly, though, is that he's also head of a crime syndicate based on
connections he made in the Mafia.

The FBI have been cracking down on the mob and their last link to bring the
entire crime organisation down will be on the testimony of Israel. Agents
Messner (Reynolds) and Caruthers (Liotta) are sent to bring him in.

Of course the Mafia aren't going to take this lying down and a $1M bounty is
placed on Israel's head drawing interest from contract killers all over the
place.

There's a double team of young, sassy girls (Keys), a master of disguise, a
master of torture, a trio of gunblazing Nazi brothers and an unknown man simply
called The Swede.

Also in on the chase are a team of bondsmen led by Jack Dupree (Afleck).

Time is running out for Israel as all the elements close in to cash in on him
and all he's got in his defence are a heavily armed hotel security guards and
his own crew.

A diverse group of characters made up of an ensemble of charismatic,
action actors keeps the film rolling along easily with very little time to sit
back and ponder whether it's all a bit too clever or not.

Each protagonist has his/her own thread that cuts and interweaves through the
others' stories. The laughs are plentiful, coming from the ensuing confusion and
verbal exchanges. Probably playing the funniest cameo is Arrested Development's
Bateman thoroughly debasing himself as the room-bound bond agent sending Afleck
on his way.

There's a surprising comedy in the gratuity of the gunplay and variations
therein. Redneck Nazis that indiscriminately slaughter anyone in their path
without any consideration to their own safety are the most comical team and give
Afleck the opportunity for some Oscar worthy acting.

The fast paced, quick-witted story also benefits from unpredictable fates for
the characters. There's no real leading role here. You quickly see that star
status means nothing to the producers and no-one is exempt from being felled by
a hail of bullets. Each scene could result in the demise of anyone of them.

A very clever film that keeps all its strands flowing tightly together to
prevent loss of continuity and attention. If there was a downside then it's a
rather lack lustre 'twist' that didn't need to be there and comes as rather an
anticlimax after 90 minutes of non-stop action.

Larry (Stiller) is an unaccomplished dreamer. He has grand ideas but never
gets them to work out and with that has earned himself a divorce and a gradually
worsening relationship with his young son.

Determined to put things right he decides to take the first stable job that
comes along; night security at the Museum of Natural History. Three old timers
(Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney and Bill Cobbs) are being laid off and replaced with
one man because business has been slow.

But Larry wasn't told that one of the museums Egyptian artefacts carries a
magical curse with it that brings everything in the building to life from
nightfall to sun up. From the T-Rex bones in the foyer to an Easter Island head
with Huns, prehistoric men and miniature civilisation dioramas in between.

It's up to Larry (with a little help from Teddy Roosevelt (Williams) to stop
the animated displays from destroying the museum, themselves and, ultimately,
his life.

Stiller has surrounded himself with quite an ensemble of comedy talent in
this one. There's Williams representing the old school and Van Dyke and Rooney
in for the reeeeally old school. Stiller doesn't go far without bosom-buddy Owen
Wilson and there's also Steve Coogan who is slowly but surely edging his way
into the comedy fraternity. Also is Gervais making another movie notch for
himself (see: For Your Consideration coming soon!)

Each of these worthy names are given there moment to shine in their own way.
Gervais, specifically, delivers a trademark performance of inane ramblings with
aplomb and makes the most of a very understated role.

Setting itself up as a spooky film it quickly becomes apparent that it is
just going to be plain silly. Lots of slapstick, pratfalls, anarchic tomfoolery
and childish behaviour keep the story trundling along and actually take up more
time than the, otherwise, sycophantic plot of rubbish father lowering his
standards to try to make good.

Each set up for horror is twisted on its head to make it more appealing for
the younger audience from the T-rex skeleton up to the climactic encounter with
the Egyptian mummy. It's tame, it's innocent but it is harmless farm. A film to
just switch off and let these guys get on with what they're good
at.