Friday, December 23, 2016

a bit of time ago
- and it's hard to remember-
certain peculiar events that happen when screens are telling us second to second
what is
Trending
a young actress.
took to ether
and began spouting off about damn near everything "What's On Your Mind " style for days
-
she posted bizarre videos of herself in a most unflattering light
-
it was as if she was having a seizure of some kind
hypergraphia (an almost uncontrollable urge /need to write)
is a side effect of many seizure disorders
-many people with a certain type of seizure disorder can also not refrain from speaking
(some time ago a certain actor began speaking as if he was 2 and a half men in one)
-
both of these incidents were blamed on drugs
-having a few substance "mishaps"overindulging in a wide number of -chemical conundrums
I have yet to come across a drug that causes these -issues
-in fact the brain nor body cannot tolerate substances that cause personality changes
to such extremes for more than a few days
the system literally crashes..
this is in fact why most of the drug testing in the days of Cold War "MK Ultra" folded..
- replaced entirely by the mid 1970's by
alternative "medicine"
that -worked around-the overstimulation of synapses ..by pharmacological chemical agents
in terms of neuro modulation that could be -sustained
-indefinitely

The Mandlers don't like me
They want me dead.
I want me dead.
I write things I never have before.
I know as much about -this - as I did when it began..

I am human trash to them
the drugs I suck on make me gag.make my palate crack..
but so does the EMF or whatever they use to do these things
and things
..
24 hours a day .
but the drugs ..make you STOP ..think about what you are -doing
what u are writing.
-
It wasn't supposed to be written like -this..
and THIS is my fault.
..
but I think it is also -my cause
to write it
Two..three ..four ways
..
to make people think -or at least make me think about
the
.reason-for stories..
.? The reason so many stories are on the TV ..
and just who

or what ..
-
If you believe me at all
believe THIS
-
what is feeding TV writers..young adult writers -the stories
they (we) tell you?..

I am not a good man
or a bad man ..but not an Everyman either
I was raised only to do what I am doing ..
to "go" with the presumed technological advances -or not ..
I am not sure ..
the "programs" some kids all over the place were(are) in seemed to start and stop ..
and than begin again ..
bits and pieces of what came before -the stuff -change agents- make sure is presented as
conspiracy theory ..
"I Twas Raised to be but a Puppet Sex Slave for the Prime Minister's Hybrid Alien Cousin "
and shite such as Dis.
..it all be a bit true and a wee bit more fabricated to seem as Mini Series as possible
and this is not good..
and because I won't "do it" -write like that-
to me ( who don't matter to "Mandlers"
is (to me ) the ONLY good thing about me

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Losing it..
In Real Life.In Real Time
-We needed help.We needed it last week and last months and years ago.

This posting and posting and posting was making me feel sick inside.

It was getting nobody who was targeted anywhere.I don't even think they posting worked anymore as some type of exhaust fan

In fact the posting of -things not allowed to be shared -made things worse

I think more and more of doing myself in

I obviously did something so wrong..so unforgivable concerning "The Project"

-the drugs..the street drugs I turn to every few months to keep me in some how removed from this abuse

inevitable make things worse.

The more sections I add to "the account" that focus on Child Raising to induce trauma

and set reference points in terms of retrieval memory studies

only diminish my attempts to explain the -day to day hardship of being used as might a mechanism

-not a man

in time one begins blaming nearly everything on the testing

takes no accounting of what could have been done otherwise when is convinced -or has been convinced that everything in a Targeted Individual's life had been done only as it suited -the testing..

So much time had been spent I that small ,small room being told over and over about details over your childhood nobody could have known nor should have known.

Weeping for hours as one was forced to consider "all of them" who raised you hurt you,did things to you only so you mind would be molded into the ideal specimen for this type of mind science that needed black and white ,very high neural spikes , very low

All those weeks I was afraid to speak of any of this to anyone

-where now I wonder would I have even begun-

When I speak of hearing Voices I minimize the "communion"

you feel the Presence,as if it were inside you

as if it possessed you

and knew you in ways you would not dare let yourself know yourself..

Today,I am left with the remains of myself both offline with it and next on

Filled problems and anxieties not worthy of it's time

-years wasted fumbling around trying to explain it ..

Years wasted unable to engage with the world so that I might have some piece of it

Lost friends ,family members ,acquaintances unable to bear -over and over -the words that would

Monday, December 12, 2016

the days are kinda like divided into day after
complicated -story based - run downs transmitted upon my noggin and ten mile rafdius
settle down boy ..heel ..stazy - PROCESS
over the next few days or hours
sometimes weeks
before whatever "limited series " Big Picture " pictures and auditory data
I am to gauge
and ponder
until a particular 'Muralsit " /mandler is brought back in
to pick up where they left off
usually
inevitably a take on me tied to some Moral Quandry like rail road tracks
with only my feedback
( and my morals and ethics I am afraid -quiote afraid - become LESS rather than more
to these big ideas my 'Teams" take way .way serious)

as DO I'm afraid the more mundane
What Will Dumbo Do Next
in terms of LOW FINANCE to
GET BY or GET OVER (it seems ) concerning a garden variety drug habit
that the Mandlers do so feed
by placing various Pretty Boy /Tiger Shirt Male Hustlers
in my path
They are as much Game Pierces from Pierced Homes
as I am
but more the type who WOULD turn their eyelids inside out at

--
get it? the alpha male
and me
the guy who is actually happy to wear a Picture Day -nice shirt - On Picture Day

-
the drugs
are my Food Pellets
to keep me
running through the mazes
and really having any interaction
whatsoever
that is not electronically
transmitted to the bio tech
(nano particles that simply allow my brain signals to be heightened enough that a num,ber of radio telemetric ..apparatus ..can lock on to the sugnal as to send the signal to bew decoded..
boring shit
i won't waste your time with
science -ie stuff ..like how does a TV work...

any way

between the big Mini Series like bullshit
that I swear is based on The Kabbal ,Scientology and several shitty made for TV movies
dealing with the occult
back when there were only 3 channels
..

i am not say ing the various 'movers and and shaekrs " around my TMZ are neccesarily hired hands of
Proxy Cyber
to distribute
my Food Pe;llets
...as most of the behavioral Science is based upon
unscripted human behavior
--
which unfortunately is about tinkering with the drugs
( giving me shit instead of shine -o -la)
so Dumbo -after basically poisoning himself
so -the good stuff- is sold
to 'The Cool Kids"
--
often i have to make 3 drug runs ..
to get even the smallest piece of rock that even tasteds like cocaine..

but THIS is my JOB
being basically 'Job" in the piece..
and sort of -the part- I am not supposed to write about _

now one must keep in mind
the money i use to play Monkey in the Piddle of this mind fuck
i reckon the Strategic Press Word Press Union of Conspiracy Theory International
wants -action figures- to call MK Ultra
is nopt Monopoly money but REAL MONEY
I 'Earned" during a particularly nasty rundown
that concerned a What Would You Do
sale of priceless Pez Dispensers
my grandfather left me
to discover how human monkey processed worth vs. the expediance of ready cash

and keep in my my lungs
with act as a sort of organic atmsophere to test bio sensrtos capacity to relay bio Data
in vivo
that has nothing to do with decoded though but peptides,oxygen levels ..etc..
consumer upcoming -sales of such nano particlesd to quantify inslinin levels and so forth

-
fuck only knows what garbage is placed in these granulated
bits of smokable Food pellet
I go through like Minecraft falling off some castle rock
(OLOE)to get to a piece of white substance that has any coke in it whatsoever

hy didnt you just let me have a puppy?and Evan -who at least is funny unlike the ones who are so damn serious...starts thinking to me little voices of me thinking and talking to puppies.I'd rather remember you with a dildo up your ass.

boy ..did i get in-trouble with that one ...i didnt quite know what was going on with the warning outside the "toy shop" i was totally wacked on heroin and thus disinhibited..and ju8st got back from L.A. to you know return to basically being a drug addict ..which is why I MOVED to L.A.or more so lured their ..to be tortured ...well some guy ..like army guy says 'Don't Do it" ..
I'm like how'd he know i came upon this dildo I had bought for a friend of friends birth dsy like years ago...well I see it in the closet and i'm like hmmm.. who doesnt like a bit of fun up the old bunghole every now and again ?...and like i said i'm wacked oin everything since returning from L.A. because -as i guess i mentioned once or twice ...they spiked my brain somehow with chips or something for this 'military operation " which i guess has to do with writing ..-but for how much fucking longer..any way
i see the dildo and walk down to the adu;lt book store to buy some lube
...and outside the book store this army dude says "don't do it"
..well --I'm like surely he aint talking to me..how'd he know I wanted to shove a plastic dick up my bum''
with this "gangstalkjing yoiu never know ..not really if it's "them" talking to you or just coincidence..
so i ignore it..
only a mad man believes in gamngstalkiong street theater according to shrinks ...and Wiki and the news
so ...
i buy the lube and go home and just say
Tommy can You Feel Me.
Lisa. Dan ..Lance and the entire UCLA neural computational lab ..I mean what the hell do i care?
Army ,Marines, CIA...whatever...you shouyldn't be puppeting my ass to begin with without expecting a bit of clean up ..
you gonna kill me ..go ahead man..

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Shane smiled at the photgraphs of Darlene whose once beautiful face thanks to the Direct Energy aimed at the house she won in the settlement was swollen twice it's normal size due to the disturbance of the ions in cerrbellum. Shane sometimes followered her areound to the endless doctors appointments with neurologists ,phlebptomists, allergists to find out what had gon e wrong.It was she who had gone wrong. She who had cheated on him.She who had brought this upon herself.Sometimes Shane took photos of her going on quicker and quicker trips to the market ,her face now masked in giant sunglasses,a floppy hat tilted downward.But still you could see it.That's most of all what Shane wanted -for all to see it. He cared little about the other things the private security firm he had hired to use it's Non Lethals on what Shane more and more thought of his ex -wife -the enemy . An enemy who had always used her looks as type of weapons of mass manipulation .And she knew she was beautiful. She had never been the type to shrug it off like so many of the women Shane knew.It wasn" tlike she was arrogant about her appearance but it wasn't like she was one of those always seeming so surprised someone noticed.The men from Proxy Cyber Shane met with twice a week to discuss Darlene's "case" seemed offended that Shane didn't much care about all the other 'wild " things they were doing to her with microwaves that effected her thinking and sleeping and making her hallucinate.It was the damage to her face they guaranteed him was temporary (what did he care if it was temporary) that made Shane willing to pay the huge amount of money to watch Darlene fall to pieces.Often the Face is used as "a keyboard"The Facial nerves in particular are used to terrify the Target..as these nerves can be "hit" with extreme low frequency and microwave to cause visible disfigurement .

Comments

Twelve Types of Cranial Nerves and FunctionsOlfactory I: This sensory cranial nerve located in olfactory bulb of brain and has olfactory receptors for sense of smell.Optic Nerve II: This sensory cranial nerve leads from eyes to thalamus. It is responsible for sense of sight of retina.Oculomotor Nerve III: This motor nerve arise from midbrain and leads to eye muscles (including eyelids and lens) and pupil. This nerve is associated with eye movement and pupil constriction.T...

Comments

Dr. Upton June noticed that the patient's affect when manipulated by the electrical shock that excited the eighth nerve responsible for smiling was in a dystonic state of rigidity that mental patient could not control the neural correlates in spite of the subject's mood was nonetheless stimulated .When the patient was forced to see his temporarily disfigured face by an nurse to attempt to modulate the patient's sense of self as it related to the facenused as a bridle to that rewarded the subject by alleviating the pressure and thus distortion of their features when asked to react to visual and aural communication based on desired outcome Upton realized the nervous system could be used to condition a patient away from anti social behavior. The notion that physical appearance was the least important factor of cybernetic theory as it applied to the human organism had been mistakenly minimized by other's in the fi

Saturday, December 10, 2016

He had come back from L.A to the same Philadelphia
After checking into a motel near the airport
And rolled a fresh condom over his his fingers squirted a bit of lube on it and as he was told to - shovehis fingers up his bum
The Mnadlers wanted him to get used to being fucked
according to his team it was part of his job to get fucked
He felt like what the company always wanted him to feel -strange and perverted
He called EVAN
"You want me to do this,really?"
"Yes we. Want you. To do this really"EVAN said
"On one conditions,..you watch ..so we'll both be it together feeling strange and perverted //
, you had better ,Evan said
"Have you ever been fucked by a guy". He asked EVAN ///
"A camp counselor when I was 5
Me too said the man in the hotel room "//don't call
It

Thursday, December 8, 2016

As so much of the training had to do with Denny learning to do drugs
he assumed his spying -when he somehow managed to let himself buy these simulations if only for the time presented
He let his mind consider that his work might have to with catching drug dealers
after all his eyes ,ears and thoughts were "app-ed" permutably for good reason
but it wasn't long before realized that all his team wanted him to do was appear to be always drugged out reeking of smoke stimulants to attract those familiar with the look and fragrance of Bum
to begin asking him if he was "Holding"
Mandlers encouraged him to pass on small packs of product
deliberately tampered with to have little to with stimulation but hallucinations
that more often than not required they be hospitalized
In the hospitals it was -the job- of various "Behaviorists" to take advantage of the now documented
Thought Disorder by making the Crisis into something chronic

Ou would be amazed how very much Denny Pace was indeed lying to himself about how being -part of a group really meant to just one of many hundreds of thousands in the USA raised A Boy Named
Sue style
and equally amazed how the qualities of human empathy so common in hypersensitive children

who had been bullied ,abused and marginalized came in handy to Denny Pace handling the 2 or three New Way men who would need constant looking after in the weeks ,months -years to come

Denny took-advantage
of his victim-ish childhood and early adulthood writing online of his targeting by The Big Bad Men in Black Slacks he with the help of Art Dealer Reggie Gaskill had carefully taught him to denounce off handedly in painting after painter
His only problem was they had also hired 3 ( and God knew how many others) to their own account of Memfis Ohio
and one by one Denny decided he would take care of any born in the same "Cluster Puck " of Swirling Vermin trying to corner what Denny long ago decided was to be his and his alone .

They began setting Denny up with all matter of Alpha Males
That according to his Set Piece ,Piece by Piece childhood
he would now doubt long for
Forever some puppy like Sal Mineo to not only a James Dean by moreso to a strong Female lead who need only bat an eyelash in his direction to fill up his always empty tank with Belonging
It had taken Denny years to understand what his entire childhood had been literally orchestrated to steep in him so deep these reaction
Deeper than the deep he was synthesized to feel in his riskless tisk task explaining the bio tech and synthetic telepathy
for some time had understood was his job
But not this part.
Because this part had to do with all of us ingrained -stylized parentage aside- to not only long for Dean /Woods like hierarchy
but be satiated by it's Top Down effect.

There are entire notebooks that pertain to how I conduct myself in this room
As it concerns taking whatever is in the plasticine
I write this now
Because I had assumed it was I who had let the team down
By -starting up-again
But it seems my bigger mistake is writing of them at all
But than again
The tone of the interface is so great
I search for pieces of information I was always confused about
And how my revealing them may or may not either save my life or end it faster
I cannot any longer censor anything because I need to at least have my crimes
Somehow understood -just by me-to absorb them
The way I am meant to
So much work was put into -fragmenting-everything
I don't understand ..and I must ..what I did to make them hate me

these particular Tests ..
Only-re-imagined as test
I used to hate them
Now it is all look forward to
I know the "team" especially likes me ..
according to my profile
Of wanting so much to be a part of a group
I would do anything
Of my self loathing of being autistic
-slow-differ t -awkward
I would do anything to be part of
(So many times I have tried correction g the proof they had that THIS means more to me than anything
Primarily based on my T.V Watching
My disinterest in "A boys night Out " a Road Trip ..a Bar Crawl
is evidence of Envy
Or long I for such things
My avoidance of such things is taken for Fear of such things
The response -so pleasant-from the A.?i. Is that this is natural
and I have nothing to be ashamed of
sometime into the nonstop rundowns you ,in spite of yourself begin to Role P,ay whatever suit is fitted upon your being

There are entire notebooks that pertain to how I conduct myself especially as it concerns
my willingness to "Play Ball"
to be part of renditions that expect me to believe I am being -trained-to be -a
Spy
When my read concerning g "the necessary" work I master to go "deep undercover"
elicited a signal that indicated I found the very idea laughable
A kind but terse Operating Tele-Presense
Reminded me I was raised purposely to be bookish and socially inept
so I would not stick out lime a sore thumb while. My true purpose was revealed
Of course the OT explain ed you do not see yourself as One of US
but what really made Denny luang was what they wanted hi. To do to be an "I the rational Man of Mystery "

Become a junkie

July 18

The perpetual 8 year old being asked to turn his eyelids over
Was me being eged on to use ..like a man

Irregardless of what was in the drugs
Irregardless of whatever toxins were I. The
The drug testing required the effects be studies without a second chemical.
All it often takes one puff to understand that the smoked stimulant were laced
No Matter
You get through it
You have us to help you
No matter that the Mandler's idea of help
was take advantage of the stimulant
That was obviously and pulse.y veered so far from stimulant to hallucinogenic that of course he would pop an Ativan

I focus on the Denny Pace
Of it all
The skittish weak one
and try to understand
why he obeyed for so long
certainly according to the files I read before shredding the files
he understood enough of what was being done aside from the Happy Talk
of the brain entrainment to understand -A Netter Man - augmented toward mind decoding g would have killed himself years ago
Between renditions meant to I tangle him in reason after reason the testing was being do e
According to his Neural Reads he understood very clearly the Main.Reason his mind was being mined was so types lime him could be identified in only minutes by common place surveillance methods regarding response to a pop a Urban Lifestyle billboard.

I focus on Denny Pace
Who like all Proxy had their mind modulated to a Hz ,pulse and frequency to cause aspects of hypergraphia
the Imbue of data to instill a heightened sense of importance and the need to "spread the word' of the so many words ,ideas and he was expected to process
unfortunately did not and could not stop well after the interfaced information he was
Given ended
As the excitation of neurons needed for this 'project" continued well after the remote kindling required to duel the part's of Denny Pace's brain responsible for speech stayed lit for hours after 'his team' of neural engineers
and although Denny was told he was not to write without his Me tors steering content
there was little else Denny found he could do ,nor think about
More often than not Denny's thoughts were against the "Manders"
but even more than that his mind still heightened his thoughts he been instructed not to let turn inwards
turned outward at his surroundings
and toward Ben one of many me. he had heard were called Handlers
And more and more towards the odd terms of his arrangement to be little more than a disc player.
His team had explained to him his time away. from the keyboard was to glean as much as could from the T. V might help him u understand some of the realities of Everyday Living
As for partaking of these Every Day Livings he watched on the screen
Denny was told that as the testing took place. As he became more familiar with the standardized role place and recurring relational and conversational models of TV
Proxy Cyber would begin introducing him to variations of types his neural reads found most interesting.
Likewise the ever running A.I. System that gauged his vexations and misunderstanding of social conversational models of behavior would begin to effect changes in his day to day interaction with those in and around his neighborhood.
Denny was told and to,d often that his participation in the New Way would many who were autistic learn how one,even lime himself could learn to adapt to the complexities and subtleties of community

A better man would have known what to say and not to sayalways I am told about these better menIn this program nobody knows is going ontold day and night and night and day by "men and women" or simulations of both or either ..Or by what they call Operating Tele -Presencereal people who can decode my thoughts and see what I see and hear second to secondBecuase I do not SEE the OTs except as they present upon my sightthey make a big effort to let me know with sound and feeling and these sights only I hearusually done with simulation of controller that listens in and talks back with sound and image and feeling to what I think ,say and do is now being performed by real peoplewho according to the OTs are rarely called inBecause they hate the stink of vermineven if the stink is just the brain signals that register as smellback when the "teams' did this every few hours to see if I could tell the difference between simulated. Voices and real ones that bypass my earsthey would say Human Vermin like you smell of piss and vomit and dirty clothesalways somehow making me think of all these bad smellsand for doing this the OTs would either make me feel real ,real good somehow with whatever they use to make my head tingle and mood change or very,very badNow when the OTs say they've been forced to deal with me Direct Neural Interface for something wrong I wrote in one of my notebooksthey send my visuals of their noses like cartoons with cloths lines clamps on themwhile yelling it won't matter if the sick retarded monkey tries throwing his feceswith either his transmitted sense of smellor mind's eye angry thoughtsin spite of serious retaliation he cannot always hold backThe fact he cannot Holdback according to the OTs AND the A?I? Is proof he is Unresolvable in terms of his thought map and Thought Styleand for centuries Perverted Vermin aimed their brain signals at those in the species they wanted to bring down to their level telepathicallyAnd this genuine telepathic behavior had and has nothing to do with biotechin fact people who are Lessors need to be "app-ed" with Mergeso finally and for once and all time lessors would stop causing most all the troubles in the world from earthquakes to slip and falls and all these things ingrained in all Lessors whether they want to believe it or notI tried moving out of here I don't like how Ben touches me all the timeeven though my team says I should be happy I have anything to offer a Bettor.when I think bad things about Ben my team graphs that one day my accumulated evil thoughts about the man who feeds me ,gives me a place to stay listens to my whine about "The Voices"will be sent all my decoded thoughts about him along with a metal stick and a tiny sharp scalpel to offer Proxy Cyber a Pain Reading for it's library of Neural Data and for that recieve a new type of younger ,handsome-er.Denny Pace incapable of transmitting their evil ,hateful Eminations at everyone including God who the Lessors made sure would have to never ever listen to normal people pray because Lessors bombarded God's mind with their stink and bitterness

Why does a man like this -a man lime Denny Pace 's story need to be told at all?Why not as Proxy Cyber requests let types used only so we may once and for all never have to concern ourselves with those in the gene pool and those responsible for heiring specific types of offspring who offer nothing to the proceedings but their burdensome needs that detract from those amongst us whose very genetic qualities and brain map offer so much to The New Way.Is it because I am sentimental that I discuss the trials and tribulations of one such as Denny Pace to Old Way Conspiracy Theory trope that manufactured adages proclaiming "All Men are Created Equal"only as a means of social control to keep those un robust in their Physique and Psychogenics to at least feel their kind mattered except as 'spare parts" and biosignal based objectifies as to best seek similar redundancies as well as their worth as mechanism to help provide visual ,auditory and gait shaping correlations for those in the robotic's field that required a wide demographic to develope neurochips that most suited artificial life forms that even in their most dis affective state still give more to the New Way than Denny Pace nor the unfortunate Layla Pace cajoled by various Change Agents to provide Proxy Cyber the needed ectoplasm to begin forging the world in an image which requires that we view the time in between as merely recipe .Merely a drawing board A garbage pail of false starts and stops .Therefore why do I think it my duty to attempt to humanize Denny Pace who was born only as Human Research? I do this because I predict others will one day attempt to humanize these creatures who we have carefully been tasked with removing from the gene pool as something to be romanticized or cherished or even brought back
(2)
Notebook 52
There was no where for the guy to go
No other "habitat" for the studies .
There was not meant to be .
So much of the research required a sameness and repetition
any new variable had to added to the subject's parameters at the researcher's request
never the subjects
Many times in the past the subject had tried escaping from the many "handlers"who acted as much as possible as social equivalents or friends ,loves ..confidants..
only to find himself in a town,in a hotel or motel pre-emptied ,prescribed - pre -booked
to remind him where ever he found himself he would find -only this -only them
as if to remind him that as quotianted as his hallow "home" was in terms of anything but behavioral research inevitably
It was Better Than This
not in terms of the better or worse
of the new circumstances
Denny constantly sought in spite of the expected challeneges to his rather limited understanding of the world
often in terms of what expects to find in residences in fact created for those without means
to find or main them
Denny however would never quite learn if he could adjust to whatever he would have to forfeit in terms of comfort
to start living with others and in places not only created and manged and populated by people only meant to act as stimulus and semiotic representation
for each time and always wherever Denny did go
the People or semblances of such were there.
making a point of letting him know
"He had tried and failed.to understand ..It would always be like this .."
Placed Variable that surrounded the Hostel,Greyhound Station motel or shelter that at the time (and many times to come)

Monday, December 5, 2016

I compromise
Or they do
but not before they surmised
That I was going to cut my calf
Rather than shave my head
-I'm THAT vain is the jist..and something that will be weaved into my night terror
and some such shit
I call a bud who stays up late and always has the poison
I swear there's not a hint of cocaine in it
But there's something in it that makes you cagey and paranoid
And therefore more often than not
Kinda have to buy a bag of Diesel to go with it
..
That crack literally tastes lime poison
This town is lousy with lousy drugs
but what else is Proxy supposed to do
..me and my buddy surmise maybe the shit we smoke is speed
but it's probably just poison ..
but it does do something to you
..
Mandlers hate when u smoke weed
All we're gonna cut your fuckin ears off..than your nose..than remove your eyes
..crack even when it has a hint of coke in it is fine
In fact encouraged
Heroin ..oh boy
You get hell for that
but you say fuck you Mandlers
On that one
And trust me you learned your lesson about weaning off it
They tossed me I. A god damn rehab
last year ..but I swear some spook - pal-ed up lime a dealer put glass (and we're not talking crystal ) in the bag
To teach me some lesson
All Mandlers do is teach you lessons
And guess who had to pay for the damn rehab
Cuz my associates' i.e family members
Types TOOk me to fancy place cuz I was too sick to say
No..
Yeah I had to pay that damn place
and u wouldn't believe how much
I ran off after 5 days
they called it goj g AWOL
That's what the little tag on my cloths I picked up like a week later said AWOL
what a racket ..rehab
what a bunch of ..

Well
..some how I began writing the wrong stuff
And Mandlers are lime THIS iS why you need to THINK
And not just do ,say or write or draw or do anything you want
I don't draw or paint any more
..
The best painting I ever did in my opinion was basically my last
Stupidly I wrote the words "Comcast Cares " in it
and right after that
I was invited back to L.A..
It's ok to write this ..know why? Because it is self agrandizei g
and people hate that
In fact it makes whatever I say seem even more unbelievable cuz
Of the "what makes u so importnat people would target u factor"

There's like so e theorem or something to predictive behavior of would be readers of my
Look what USA did to me
USA so tuff
So mean
mean enuf to come to your country and kill your babies and rape your women
and put naked men in pyramids

..that stuff wasn't leaked man
if it was all the TV stations and magazines that printed those images
Couldn't
..
So what they fuck is going on here..
When USA wants everyone to know how brutal..and monsters we are
While showing all it's own citizens those dumb ass Sonic commercial for hamburgers more poisonous than this crack

the smoked stimulant tests are actually remnants of the MERH CAT days when I believed (or was lead to believe) the Brain Computer Interface was 'gifted" upon me because I was being trained to be a spy .

Before you judge me that only an idiot would be sucked into such a belief system you must realize that not only is one suddenly made aware their thoughts are being answered back in real time by a voice not their own is quite desperate to believe this intrusion is based on something worthy of such intrusion in the first place.

Upon hearing a voice not based upon either one's thought style nor the 'sound' of one's inner monologue one naturally assumes one is being recorded by either listening devices or cameras or both .

No. I did not tear apart the walls ,lamps ,lights and so forth as one sees many a person in such arrears does in films and television

but I assume i did appear as frantic and panicked as one usually does not see except as depicted on TV

and of course this reaction was also both maximized and tempered by my assumption I was being viewed and indeed scrutinized by people who had spoken to me in a most unsual way that seemed to bypass my ears entirely

certainly i thought this could not really be happening

i had neither done a drug or drink to encourage such hallucinations

Nor had I prayed to something or someone above the clouds nor beneath the ground to entice such a talking to

i start to write of suicide
my thoughts of such
once again -according to Mandlers - the wrong way

that has nothing to do with the torture
except in a indirect way
and the point of so very much of this document has to do with the torment of psychophysical weapons
being the reason i kill myself
not something as -mundane- as the cumulative effects of substance abuse
-that may or may not be
(a) why i write of visual and aural hallucinations
and the psychotic sense of being manipulated by a 'hidden hand"
in essense spoiling the attempt to circumvent Active Denial esoteric
mind weapons
via a never ending account of my circumstances by way of a variation of Enforced Writing
-
maybe this alone however once and for portrays me as the type of human scum
weirdo reprobate un american freak who deserves to be but an online representation of Slow Kill
extermination
at this point I have little idea of what was expected of me
-
who on earth wants to
be a poster boy for Weirdo
unless of course it helps them sell their art..
and that dear weirdo I admit I willingly went along with
I am no hero
-just a guy who was trying to pay the rent
little did I know exactly what I was getting into
agreeing to the backstory created for me
in an attempt to "make me a brand"back in the late 1990's

It is important for a Proxy to little by little begin relying more and more on aspects of their daily existence that have absolutely nothing to do with Existenz like chatter box
chip stuff that is taken as only psychosis by the reader ..who is/ was either too lazy or too nice to lend and ear ,eye or "like" to a Targeted Individual who (believe it or not) at one time never spoke of things like
Mandling,Gangstalking and issues ( or should I say non -issues-to anyone ) not targeted
-Important for a human test subject / victim of these unseen weapons that zing thru the ether like so much wireless
to set certain records straight
that have nothing to do with their use as Advance Technology Demonstration

and be aware
when a "Proxy" goes astray in this manner it means the subject
realizes his gig is up
..not that is wasn't as soon as the -tether began -but perhaps much sooner than either he or his "Mandlers"expected

As much as I am told.
I am told nothing.further more .i am not.or was not to attempt to piece parts of
What is happening.or what has happened together
It this makes no sense to you
( as it is supposed to..make no sense to you ..what I write..or why I write it.let alone what it means
except -if even that matters ( if does ..or at least did years ago)
but manly ..so at - the peak of my -account-the reaction to bat sht crazy concerning a person talking about /posting about neuroweapons
as it all pies to evoked response' from would be concerned citizens
could be quantified in Real Time
I too would have (would I have ,I am not sure) un -friended a person (or persona ) that ranted daily ,hourly ...second to second about being injured
tormented
abused by advanced technologies
nobody has heard about
at least after the novelty of another "losing it "online ..making a spectacle of themselves
had passed.
Everybody according to quantified studies of human behavior as it relates to electronic social media
enjoys a bit of the old Schadenfreudebut the side effect of a person being smite by "magical " weapons that perturb neural function that concerns hypergraphia ..manic behavior that especially effects speech and of course writing.and therefore -postingwhile Schadenfreude,the base enjoyment of another's trials and tribulations might be "fun" a line is drawn as the afflicted lines ones social media scroll with -lunacy

I type now to not defend but admit the Weiro inside me not just for endless interrogations or sounds or the transmit ance of emotion to make me go back to the scene in my mind that either triggered by the weirdo the tes muses to give me feedback ..or just an avalanche of cruelty But so if I meet God or whatever is out there I can reveal these things upfront without humiliation I don't know if I believe in god ..as this puffy bearded face i cloud but I believe in something greater than technology that does this to a person ..be it secretlyOut INTHE openOn enemiesCriminology Or an consumers lWhile I realize that there is no wat this tech would be used like this on others if the tech was understood and released to the public I certainly see how it could be used very BADLTY Than again to Mandlers AM a very Bad sick disgusting perverted person and I feel this about myself to the bone My team has all the data I don't care if they release it -my secrets what I did why I did what I did thru abpnd during the linkOne day they might when times change and you And anyone read it Why am I doing what I am doing now?because iy is important to note .stone coldsoberthings are quite as they -often worse- when I Go out when I use I am still weird I and still Targeted for mockery And threats that I hope never come trueAs these threats and promises what will happen to me When I least se it comingCut ears cut eyes ..doesn't nor did seem part of game After all real peopleman the screen ,read the de offering Watch vital signs and trascripting signal the account for sight I imagine -to best be in the moment-the use of phone calls ,letters,video footage from mac machine to lamppost ,,and grow bared And grow agressive

There is of course concern that those "app-ed" with Merge Bio Techno will become addicted to it's capacity to enhance their senses and realityAnd in it's research and development phase much data was collected to understand he type of pathology in an individual that treats the tool as a game fully aware-that in spite of the novelty of the commutation device is not a game -However the person it is being used on is The computer and what the. Subject is lead to believe might save him Is equally A game Or years ago I would have been Excuses I wonder now if it would matter if -it-stopped I believe very much it might make things scarier So much -when you least expect it-has beencommunicated to me both via the apparatus and those who signal me with poked out eyes ,slit throat gestures in my neighborhood In 2011 these threats were more re elaborate..would it matter if I elaborated on them Or only make less believed.,lL.now ,maybe this is just a journal written for me Not evidence not documentation Not anything but a means of gearing myself up to bow out ..and not with dignity or grace .,but also not with The type of Go,ER Pyle ..ahh shucks ..My team seems to want me to spin this ramble into ..There are t enough drugs to take to block thisand I find myself only wanting to block itknowing -and temporarily not caring that I am injuring my Brai. Throat mouth and who knows what to for a time at least be exactly the nothing but ectoplasm they think OD people they do this to what should I do to at least for a few moments not feel owned..not feel captured.?It's a combination of neuroleptic a seroquelStreet drugsAlcohol..Another reason I go to extremes to basically flatli e through this Is fear.I am scared always Scared of writing ..scared of the technology and those who more and more use it to

The weirdo weirdo weirdo
The team yells
Makes me focus on weirdo I have seen in

I remember a superficial str8 eye for the queer guy
The guy wasn5 weirdo ..or what I think of as weirdo

And I thinking and thinks of what defines weirdo
Besides me according to Mandlers

And I settle for uncomfortable
And a person with -in str8 eye seemed to be a minor "movement disorder"
I go to seek it out the episode but there are so many of them
And besides this is not -exactly -the type of weirdo they want represented
However ..the character / person in the episode
was peculiar
Air -he was attractive -but off in a degree one -such as Mandlers -could pint at..examine..deduce and next mock

I don't wish to bring other examples of the way Mandlers -see me- ..and certainly the man in queer eye was bettor than me in his functionality and physique and finacial capacity
What maybe got to me during the episode of his unwillingness or lack of caring he was being filmed
Or that his being filmed made his awkwardness more pronounced

Although he was physically attractive but before and after the make over
He was nonetheless off center..as it concerned telepresense..

But
I,e I said this isn't the type of weirdo I meant -was picked to represent

There are not all that many weirdos depicted in TV and film
-the music industry has co-opted aspects of weirdo into their playlist
However the is no Tiny Tim

So e movie where young man collects money door to door dropped off on residential neighbor .who than goes to some wild paty .no fitting in.mexy up chunks ..
And on OT goes
A peculiar
air make to this film that is called something like weirdo town.
It stuck in my mind because the lead was so strange
.and I wondered why the film was made
Except to see what popped up and aeros on -bit ..played..in the more like this suggestions box..

.neither here nor there..
As is the trio onwards whatever his name is ..film .. No some dog,a. 95 film ..called the Idots ..which attempts to definite weirdo ..
Or spastic
In a interesting manner..
TI
L the movie is no longer interesting ,,
Neapolitan. Dynamite attempts to show a weird character
,,
As does The Lobster.
..bit in the Lonster the charater mainly is .
Who is dd ?pays ..for being simply less attractive than the star

It was an odd scene mid way through that made me not much like Volin whatshis name
But a part of me
Was intrigued.
-it was a take on "not so much " in the movie 'Borat"

Concerning it being ok to comdie,n a nother on physical appearance as less than and open for ridicule as entertainment

In 1998 or 2003 ..this was not the case
Or not -allowed

Yet the film 'Bring it On" whatever the year ..did not shy away from for. The topic ..
of groups di
I,e ..people less tah them concerning looks..

My mind gets lost in trivial ness.
The subject was
Weirdos

Like me
..
And me attempting to brainstorm for film TV etc in popular culture that helps the public as a whole define what weirdo means
Like in family feud
The tv show , host asks whatvr. Top 6 words ..that one things of when they think of weirdo

This was not getting better sober
When I use to meansI can't take
Not the testing/ tortured.
Studied
Judged
And judged as a weirdo
Is all I hear
Years before this

I thought my life had ended from the onset of a particulate movement disorder
That made one's body move -weirdo
Made one sky weird
even made one's move weird
talking became weird as one's palate might crack mid way through
It was the face ..that was often stiff ,asymetric ..stuff
That gave me the idea to walk with a cane
as if to make up for the rigid cast of me face next truck and inability to stand still.
-I'd i was in in a store just waiting ..a customer might ask why the rush
Why are you so in a race ..
I was doing nothing but waiting patiently in line

my body just and how I stood always hype ..my muscles always pushing ..especially in my face and next
The neurologist said the case was minor
That it was generalized dystonia

The onset had nothing to with an earlier car accident
like a few art interviews say

Each of the posts contains a framing device to presumably connect what at Facebook value ( lack of chronology except as it pertains to the sense of immediacy meant to trigger the users most base values that slowly ly have been conditioned into the culture of celebrity and previously the New Age mantra "I Matter "taken to almost comedic heights with the advent of Phil Donahue /Operah Winfrey sociological shifts to prepare the masses that it not just OK but in fact therapuetic to air one's dirty laundry and private thoughts in a public setting .

The main story centers on a group of seventeen individuals (all of whom go by nicknames based on the story they tell) who have decided to participate in a secret writers' retreat, frequently compared by characters to the Villa Diodati retreat of 1816. After having noticed an invitation to the retreat posted on the bulletin board of a cafe in Oregon, the characters follow instructions on the invitation to meet Mr. Whittier, the retreat's organizer. Whittier tells them to each wait for a bus to pick them up the next morning and bring only what they can fit into one piece of luggage (in particular, only what they feel they need most).

The next day, the seventeen characters, Whittier, and his assistant Mrs. Clark are driven to an abandoned theatre. Whittier locks all of them inside the theatre, telling them they have three months to each write a magnum opus before he will allow them to leave. In the meantime, they will have enough food and water to survive, as well as heat, electricity, bedrooms, bathrooms, and a clothes washing and drying machine provided.

The characters live under harmless conditions at first. However, the group (not including Whittier or Clark) eventually decide that they could make a better story of their own suffering inside the theatre, and thereby become rich after the public discovers their fate. They then begin to individually sabotage the food and utilities provided to them, with each character trying to only destroy one food or utility to slightly increase the drama of their stay. Since the characters are not co-ordinating their plans, they end up destroying all their food and utilities, forcing all of them to struggle to survive starvation, cold, and darkness.

With Whittier accidentally dying from a stomach rupture, the writers find themselves trapped without him. Believing a great increase in their suffering will provide a better story for when they're rescued, several writers start to willingly engage in self-mutilation and cannibalism, doing so to give the pretense Whittier tortured them. With numerous characters committing suicide, killing one another, or succumbing to their ailments, they continue to formulate their story whilst the theatre somehow repairs its broken utilities.

With numerous people dead, Mrs. Clark included, the writers continue to sabotage themselves, such as destroying the lighting and wasting any additional food supplies they find. The eleven remaining writers eventually group in the main theatre, only for Whittier to appear and reveal he faked his death (with Clark's help) and has been observing the writers through hidden cameras. Informing the writers their three months have passed and that they are free to leave, Whittier notes that, by continuing to blame him for everything and playing the victim to extreme extents, they haven't acted any differently from the other groups. Whittier unlocks the exit and leaves with Miss Sneezy, choosing her as the person he saves and offering her a new life. Mother Nature, objecting that they need to wait a little longer for other writers to die and for someone to rescue them, stabs Miss Sneezy. To prevent Whittier from leaving with her, they drag Miss Sneezy back inside and break the lock, and continue to wait for rescue.