A blog about my life and transition from male to female. My worries, hopes and dreams.

Monday, April 30, 2012

A Life Now Rich

I was sitting at the dinner table with my Daughter. She had made a dinner of baked salmon and rice. She poured and served me a glass of white wine. As I looked at the wine, I realized that my life before was extremely narrow. I rarely enjoyed a nice meal and quiet conversation. I never enjoyed a simple glass of wine. In the growing time I've gone through these last almost three years, I've taken road trips and camping trips by myself. Trips alone I had only taken once in all my life before. And these new solo trips were as a woman alone. I have gone on weekend trips with the Daughter-of-my-Heart and will go on trips with my precious "niece.". I have had get-togethers and dinners with my friends that never happened before!

I have come to love more. I love a young woman as my daughter. Another young woman has become my favorite niece, her mother has become the sister I never had. And a big sister at that! I have many new sisters and friends that I love dearly. Another young woman told me I could be her honorary mom. I have family I have never known before!

What surprises me, befuddles me, confounds and confuses me, is how much and how fiercely I am loved! Confused, confounded, and befuddled because I have never!... never!... felt worthy of anyone's affections let alone their love. And I hear from my dear ones over and over and over again, "It doesn't work that way." And I hear again and again and again, that I deserve this love, that I deserve really good things in my life. I have been told that I am loved fierce because I love fierce!

I cannot measure the depth nor the breadth nor the height of the riches I have in my life now. It feels like fine velvet, soft yet full, a texture that is rich. A texture that is Love.