A couple of years ago the BBC probuced a documentary titled "The Hunt For Britains Paedophiles", and an up-dated version of this two part, three hour documentry was shown a few months ago.

The documentary was made with the full co-operation of New Scotland Yards Paedophile Unit, and closely followed them as they hunted, arrested and charged some of the most predatory perps this country has ever seen.

The resulting programe was some of the most distressing and triggering TV I have ever seen. But I have taped it and watched it since.The dedication and professionalism of the police is astounding and more than compensates for the hard to watch parts. ( And there are many )

So when I saw the book of the series in the bookshop I hesitated before I bought it, I figured the book would be far more graphic than the TV documentary.But I bought and read it, and yes, it is much more detailed and graphic.But the general feeling of "being there with the good guys" as they smashed down doors and arrested some truly evil people, makes the read worthwhile.

Written jointly by the Producer Bob Long and DCI. Bob McLachan this is not an easy book to read, but the detail and insight into every aspect of child abuse, the abusers, the police work and the survivors, is all covered with respect and authority. It never falls into using the subject for the sake of a good "cop story".The interviews with some of the paedophiles are remarkable, deeply disturbing, and confirm our long held views.

this book will possibly be of more interest to profesionals, and those with a need or desire to understand paedophiles, although the Police story is a thriller in it's own rightIt's a good read, but you have to be prepared for it.

The perp is molesting a 12yo boy, through his clothes, and grabbing for more. The boy tries to resist but is overpowered. Because technically the clothes stay on, there is no "blackout square" and you see exactly what's happening - and you know what happened after.

That boy trying to defend himself was 4 years older than I was during my abuse. I was frozen by fear and obeyed all the perp's orders, going along I guess with the reflex that if you do what a grownup says it will all be okay, especially this guy who I'd known for years. Even my therapist has asked me why I didn't scream. I would have if I'd known what was going to happen, or maybe I'd still have been too scared. But this other boy was 12, in 7th grade, likely into puberty, probably thought of himself as mature and tough. And he tried to defend himself. And it DIDN'T WORK.

I wish I hadn't seen. I wish I didn't have to think about fighting back and still being overwhelmed. I wish none of this had ever happened.

Hey Mat,please take care for yourself, it sound like extremely triggering so look how do ground yourself and stay in present.You are safe now, there are no abusers around you and boy that was so young and so much hurt now have adult you - strong and brave man capable to protect him against any threat.

I probably have no right to complain since you did post a trigger warning. But I had no idea they were going to have pictures of actual kids being abused. I feel like months of work just got undone in 10 minutes. I'm sure they could have made the same documentary without showing graphic pictures. Why did they put them in? It's bad enough thinking about sick people on the internet looking at your pictures, but imagine having them broadcast to the whole world. I don't care if they blanked the kids faces out. It's still wrong and I feel like they just put them in to make more shocking tv. Victor, please consider taking down the videos, maybe just tell people they can find them on youtube. I don't think it will help anyone to watch them. Not to be overdramatic but it almost pushed me over the edge. Its not like I feel less bad about it today either.

The worst thing is, all those sick fucks will now be free. Or back in jail for re-offending. I hate people.

Thanks. Sorry if I seem like I'm over reacting. It's kind of stupid of me to watch the whole thing then complain about it after. We even had a power cut half way through, you'd think I could have taken that as a sign that I shouldn't watch it. I always thought it would be helpful to get some idea of what was going on in the mind of people who abuse kids, like maybe it could help me understand better what happened to me and why. But this just really depressed me. All of them were completely deluded, like when people get pulled over for speeding and they're all "Don't you have any real criminals to catch?" They don't even seem to think they've done anything wrong or they're able to make out it wasn't that bad. It doesn't really help me to hear that they're not even sorry and probably don't feel bad about it.

They are amoral sociopathic mental-defectives, and the strongest emotion they feel is anger and indignation that anyone could ever criticize them for fucking kids. You can see how helpless the victims would be: there is no basic human empathy anywhere, no second thoughts, no honesty, there is no saying "no" to them as they just bulldoze everything, and as the video showed, you can't even fight them off.

That part is really, really sticking with me. That even if I'd been older and tried to punch or just hold my clothes on, I still would have lost. Nothing could have saved me.

The pics and videos were horrible because time and again the officers said they can't locate the victims, and time and again there are MS members who've said "they made movies, they made pictures, I don't know where they are or what to do..." Like, I feel like I know some of those kids, that they could be some of the friends I've made here. Feel like I've invaded people's privacy by seeing them at their worst moments.

Also, even WITH a blackout-box covering the genitals and blurring the faces, you still very very clearly see that dad doing his 6yo daughter because they show all the rest of their bodies and how they're moving. There's no mistaking what it looks like when a guy fucks someone, the way things move. It's extremely alarming and they could never have shown something that graphic on American TV.

I saw a few other triggering documentaries, including one by Louis Theroux about child abusers, and it really did bring my PTSD to a very inflammed level. Anxiety through the roof. It is almost like my PTSD is a rash or viral disease that can have calm stages without any symptoms, but on occasion certain stressors, environmental or health conditions, or pure spontaneity cause it to break out. These type of programmes or even news stories covering child sexual abuse do this to me. Yes, I do feel some feeling of closure or appropriate revenge being on the side of the "good guys" (i.e. law enforcement, social workers), but at this stage in my recovery journey, such stuff triggers me for days and weeks.

I find I have the same reaction myself. It can come out of nowhere like a headline on the front page of a newspaper or some thing that I accidently tune into on the television. I appreciate JayBro relating how the PTSD seems to be so quiet for a period of time I think I have progressed completely out of it and then wham I am triggered by something and it can effect me for days. I can't formulate rational thought patterns and become afraid and somewhat Paranoid. I have stopped viewing most of the documentary's on the subject of CSA because it just isn't worth the risk. They could serve some useful purpose in shock value on society especially those who have not experienced what it is really like. Perhaps bringing it to their attention for the first time.

I remember years ago somebody pointed me to the film "mysterious skin", I wasn't in a great place and to this day I am annoyed that it was even suggested I should watch it, the triggers from that set me back months in my recovery, and although it isn't personal, I still don't forgive that suggestion. Since then I have been very careful about watching things like that unless I think I can handle it at the time. I generally avoid CSA documentaries too, there is nothing I can learn from them (although yes for other members of society they could learn something), but for survivors I agree they are just risky.

i think i can say honestly that i hate that film. came across 'mysterious skin' by accident.

i have posted warnings against it elsewhere on this site.there was nothing wrong with it technically or artistically. it was just too much, and then it got worse. i should have turned it off, but some part of me believed there would be some closure or justice but no. it was like being raped again. strongest flashback i have ever had in my life. i can't say how far back it set me, but it felt like starting from scratch.

in retrospect, perhaps i needed it, but i sure didn't want it.

i had no warning whatsoever. thought it was going to be a movie about alien abduction and WHAM!

I watched Mysterious Skin also. Specifically because you said not to Victor. I always have the urge to do things people tell me not to do. You know what's freaky about it? Someone we know was involved in the production of it. I didn't know that till I saw his name come up on the start titles. But yeah... I didn't think it was going to be so disturbingly graphic. I kept telling myself, this is not real, it's just acting. But it didn't really help. There was no closure at the end, I was just left thinking, and then what?? After I watched it I was really disturbed and I remember thinking I would call a friend. I looked at my phone and then when I looked back up I was in my kitchen taking something out the oven and 50 minutes had passed. That was really weird. Later I looked it up on Wikipedia and it said that the kids had a completely different script and no filming was done with them and the adults at all. I was still disturbed by that. What if you grow up and find out that film you were in when you were 9 that you thought was about UFOs or whatever was actually about your character being abused? I think I might actually feel kind of abused if that happened to me.

I think I really should be more careful with what I watch and take care of myself more.

I almost watched 'Mysterious Skin' just out of curiosity. Three things stopped me: (1)Warnings from fellow MSers.(2)The IMDB synopsis: When I found out that the two victims were EXACTLY my age, I backed away. Any reaction I have is always made even more visceral knowing the victim/character is my age. (3) Not only were these boys were 8 in 1980(just like me), they also played baseball---which I did too. My coach wasn't a perv, but this is WAY too close for comfort.

I appreciate JayBro relating how the PTSD seems to be so quiet for a period of time I think I have progressed completely out of it and then wham I am triggered by something and it can effect me for days. I can't formulate rational thought patterns and become afraid and somewhat Paranoid. I have stopped viewing most of the documentary's on the subject of CSA because it just isn't worth the risk. They could serve some useful purpose in shock value on society especially those who have not experienced what it is really like. Perhaps bringing it to their attention for the first time.

Abso-100%-lutely. It is almost like learning the skills to take care of myself and reduce my exposure to potential triggers. Sometimes they come from an indirect reminder of flashbacks. As as example, because my abuse was mainly online, sometimes webcams or looking at someone's pics on facebook trigger me to become paranoid and worried. Or other times seeing kids or older men triggers me. It is a tough gig having PTSD. You never know when the coast is clear...

The BBC has become more involved in bringing CSA & ASA into the mainstream of reality for all to see.

One i watched a few years back was called "The Chosen." and the ins & outs of having those abusers removed from their posts in dealing with young boys or as young daults. Those gallant gentlemen survivors decided to go on TV & bring their stories front & center in order to expose those particullar individuals (perpetrators) but very much like the Catholic church was doing by moving them around from place to place, totally ignoring the horrific emotional & mental damage they were doing to their victims.We all react in differing ways whenever we see things or are reminded about things from our shattered youth & lives.But personally i find in them a part of myself another step learning from others the courage to come out & speak about it, to learn from it and how to try and survive from it.We don't have to hide in secret in the depths of our heart & soul in assumed blame, shame & guilt of what happened to us.We have to learn how to remove that heavy burden of assumed responsibility & blame from our inner childs heart & soul & put it back on those adults whom in my case was someone whom this boy fell in genuine love with & thought that he genuinely loved me in return.And place it squarely upon the adult whom chose to betray him in the name of love.

Wishing my brothers here well on their particullar journey in healing.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight, forever into eternity." As he is me.Pete..Irishmoose.

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