50 Shades of Hey

I am definitely a lot of things to different people. To some I’m strong willed, driven, independent while to others I am sweet, timid and… I can’t think of anything else! HAHA. I’m a pretty neurotic person to be honest with all of you and I function on sheer instinct and most of the time unnecessary emotions. Most of the time, I am my own worst critic (but aren’t we all?!) and I have a bad habit of creating non-existent competitions when in fact there isn’t any need for it at all. I guess I’m just hard wired that way when I really wish that I was more logical, mentally stable and put together, to say the least.

I don’t wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror thinking I’m such a great catch or that I make a significant difference to the society, usually it’s just me laying in bed wishing that I could just stay there for another 5 minutes more. I look at other people who have more than I do and think, “what am I doing differently?” or “I work just as hard as they do so, what gives?” but then I realize that my time just hasn’t come yet but in God’s time it will. I cannot cook to save my life, I do not know how to iron clothes or how to pick out the perfect bag for any occasion and my most recent thoughts are about me not being a very competent human being.

Don’t feel bad for me, I’m very much aware of the situation.

All these things aside, I see the good and the bad in this splice of life and I think to myself that things could have been a lot more crappier for me. Foundation would have ceased to exist, everyone would’ve hated me cuz of my bi-polarism (I totally made that word up) and the internet never would’ve came to be and you all would never realize how awesome I really am. trololooool.

When I was pitching photo shoot pegs to Jing Pascual, I told him how much I wanted to do a series of head shots because 1. I wanted to show off my vaping skills (errr…) and 2. lately, I’ve been inspired by up close and personal photo shoots because of it’s rawness and vulnerability.

As you can see in these set of photos, it’s pretty clear that I’m a whole series of emotions and I guess that’s what makes me the most human. Despite all of my weird antics and personalities, at the end of the day, I am who I am and I can either love it, hate it or change it. And isn’t that the greatest thing about being human- Being able to correct our own wrongs?

I’ve practically laid down my entire self for everyone to knit and pick at which is the rawness and vulnerability that I had initially intended.

As hard as it is for me to talk about these things, I actually find myself enjoying this. Maybe this outpouring of emotions was what I needed to pick myself up again. Life.can.be.so.hard.sometimes.

So if you’re anything like me and life is being a b*tch to you too or you’re just paying your dues to the world, please know that you’re not alone. And if I, crazy sensitive; melodramatic; probably undergoing some sort of nicotine withdrawal Issa, can talk about all these things with a grain of salt then you can too. Sometimes life just gets like this!