blade

In a recent Entertainment Weekly article (focused on Phase Two of Marvel's intertwined movie series), Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige casually dropped that the rights for two classic Marvel comics horror icons had reverted back to them.

Opening this weekend is the bizarrely titled but conceptually interesting "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". His notoriety instantaneously makes the 16th President of the United States the most famous vampire slayer amongst his peers.

Here's a new poster for "Unknown" staring Liam Neeson as a husband who visits Germany, gets into a car accident that lands him in a coma and then wakes up to find he's been replaced in the world. The horror of it? He has to stay in Germany to try and solve the mystery.

"Alien vs. Ninja" is a Japanese horror flick from the same producers of "Tokyo Gore Police". This means nothing to me because every Japanese horror film is the same, but I suppose it still might excite some. The film which revolves around a ninja who battles and alien hits DVD and Blu-Ray here in the US on February 22nd.

Anyone else remember those "Dorf on Golf" videos? Well Stephen Dorff apparently had nothing to do with those. He did however have a lot to do with "Blade" and is working on details for a prequel that would see him starring in the film as a sort of Scarface Vampire type. Still it would be nice if he did some golfing in a midget outfit. That crap was hilarious.

"There's Nothing Out There" is a movie I've never seen but it's from the gang at Troma so I can pretty much guess what I'd be getting. For those of you who have seen it, or if you want to see it, the 20th anniversary DVD will hit shelves on January 11th. Just in time for that special someone on your holiday list who you don't care enough to see before the actual holidays.

Did you know they were remaking “Pet Sematary”? I didn't. I just learned that, like, two minutes ago. It's apparently going to be rewritten by Matthew Greenberg, writer of the failed King adaptation “1408” and the failed “Halloween” entry “H20”. Who do you think they'll get to “reimagine” the catchy theme song, originally performed by the Ramones? I'm, hoping it's Justin Bieber, so at least I'll have something new to masturbate to. That sexy twink is pure rape-bait!

According to MTV, Wesley Snipes would like to see a “Blade 4”. Sadly, no one else does. (OK, that was mean. The truth of the matter is that I love all three “Blade” flicks and would love to see a fourth. Sometimes the prerequisite cynicism of this gig eats away at me, forcing me to do or say things I don't mean to. Mr. Snipes, please, if the offer arises, make a new “Blade” and I will be first in line, no questions asked. (This promise also applies if you make “Passenger 58” or “Jungle Fever 2: Still Cravin' That White Meat”.))

I know that, because you're an imbecilic horror fan, you probably only listen to bands like Magick Karkass and Devilwhipper, but, if you can expand your musical horizons for two Goddamned minutes, neo-outlaw country singer Shooter Jennings' latest album, “Black Ribbons” is out. Why should this appeal to the oh-so-picky likes of you? Because “Maximum Overdrive” director Stephen King narrates the anti-New World Order-themed album as radio DJ “Will O' the Wisp”, who is about to lose his job as the airwaves is overtaken by 'government-approved and regulated transmissions.' I'm taking a moment to be serious here: this is a damn good album and, quite honestly, better than anything you're listening to right now.