I pitched a fit at work this week ("pitch a fit: Urban emotional outburst using verbal and animated expressions." urbandictionary.com -- oh, yeah, that pretty much covers it). I usually employ mindfulness in the workplace -- drop the story line, rest in the middle of the vicissitudes, adopt an attitude of "what do we have to do now, in this minute?" Remember to breathe.

But this day ... there were notes waiting for me on my keyboard about issues I thought were already settled, people coming up to ask questions about things I didn't have the information yet to answer and who were huffy about the preliminary answers I gave them, capped off by a computer that was reluctant to get moving.

That was all workable. But then I went to the spare work station (because we have backup plans for working with frequently uncooperative equipment) -- and it had no mouse. No f*ing mouse, as I loudly and repeatedly announced. The desk behind this one had a mouse but no computer, so the problem was fairly easily solved and my fit dissolved.

But I felt bad. A fit pitched cannot be unpitched; the energy alters -- and a couple of days later, at a going-away party for a colleague, a co-worker brought it up, not as criticism but as uncharacteristic and (my tag) discouraging. If you're driven to fit-pitching, he said (not in those words), what hope is there for non-meditators to hold onto their shit?

I like to think that one of the benefits of my meditation practice is that I try not to react as if everything is about me; this is most noticeable for me at work. If there is a problem, then it is something to be worked with, not avoided. Let's do what needs to be done rather than getting caught up in stories about who's to blame or why we are insulted or what we would like to be happening in this moment. It has made work more fun for me and for others who work in my wake.

The skillful thing to do when there is no mouse is to find a mouse. Not to yell about why would there be a computer with no mouse. Unskillful.

In Buddhism, when you break a precept, you confess -- not for absolution, as in the Roman Catholic Church, but to take responsibility for your actions. So this is my confession. In the Roman Catholic Church a priest would tell me what to do as penance for my sin. In the Buddhist tradition, I start over, knowing that every day offers myriad opportunities to behave skillfully.

Those who practice the precepts give freedom from danger, freedom from animosity, freedom from oppression to limitless numbers of beings, and in giving freedom from danger and freedom from animosity and freedom from oppression to limitless numbers of beings, they gain a share in limitless freedom from danger, freedom from animosity, and freedom from oppression.(The AbhisandaSutta)

Comments

thanks for this nancy. i haven't been the most mindful at work lately. here's my confession :) the other day, at the flea market where i sell, a guy asked me if i was selling the combs from a comb display from the 1940s. the combs are plastic. you can get them at rite aid. the piece was about the display. i tried explaining this pretty calmly a few times. then the last time i kinda lost it. and then melissa arra and patrick rolled into my booth :) what a reminder!! but i find when i "mess up" like this, like anonymous said previously, i have been quicker to forgive myself and that person. so i guess it's all practice :)

....but being in NY and working again has really been challenging me. I have already pitched a few mini-fits and have been feeling pretty guilty about it. When we (Buddhists) do it, it somehow seems worse, which is plain old ego logic.
Thanks Nancy!

It's good for others to see that meditators and those on the path are struggling human beings with problems and issues and imperfections. Then they can see when that you make a "mistake", you're able to show yourself forgiveness and compassion and humor and they can start demonstrating the same to themselves.