Monday, June 28, 2010

So...my blogging life has been struggling. It's lame I know, but I have been wrestling with a few things with regards to blogging and life in general.

I know, I know - who wrestles with the philosophical meaning of blogs?

Well, I do. A little bit.

Let me just say - I love blogs! They are so inspriring and fun to see people's creativity played out in pictures, words, ideas, stories, recipes, etc. They can challenge you to be creative or crafty or eat better or do a variety of things in a different way:) They are just cool.

But as I read - I realized something about myself.

I started to compare myself to the people in the blogs.

"Wow her house is so much prettier than mine" or "Does this lady have the perfect marriage? or "Gosh, they have a lot more money than we do" or "She is so much more talented and gifted that I will ever be."

Ok - so there is a little peek into the ugliness of my soul. It's bad, I know.

Basically as I considered these things, I got scared to update my blog because just as I became wary of reading blogs that would cause me to feel envious of people's lives I began to think that I shouldn't write because, gosh, maybe a blog is just another way to focus on myself and brag about my new house or marriage or whatever.

I knew this couldn't be true for everyone - because clearly, some pretty Godly people have blogs. And update them. And people read them and are encouraged by them. And I knew I have been encouraged by people's writings and talents.

So in my confusion about why I blogged (and why others blogged) I just stopped. And to be honest - this goes waaaay beyond updating a blog. I've done this in many areas in my life. Just stopped because I wans't sure my motives were 100% pure.

In talking with my (super insightful) husband about these ideas and struggles he helped me see some things.

He has been reading a book called "Rescuing Ambition." It talks about how we as Christians have the tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater in a sense when it comes to our gifts and talents and ambitions.

I am starting to see that when I overthink my motivations and how I appear to others - sometimes I don't pursue the very thing God might be calling me to.

What if someone had an amazing gift of photography, decorating or writing but in fear that they were "bragging" about this gift, they don't use it? Is that really so humble? Is ambition always a wordly pursuit? I don't think it is. And in fact, denying your giftedness is probably just as bad as being prideful about your gifts.

Some people are more gifted that others. But we are all given something to use for the body of Christ. God gives us gifts in different portions. And I am beginning to see this and appreciate it in myself and others.

I guess I am seeing that we don't necessarily have to "tone down" our giftedness so that we don't appear prideful. True humilty will cause us to see that all gifts are given to us from God to be USED by God.

Hopefully we will not be seeking the worlds approval of our passions or talents - but pursuing our passions and hoping the world sees our God thru them.

Here is a quote Josh sent me to encourage me from the book he was reading.

"You see, I believe that ambition-godly ambition, that is-is a noble force for the glory of God...But the prevailing worldview in the West involves a distrust in big ideas and man's ability to achieve them and the firm belief that objective truth doesn't exist. But when we deny truth, we suffocate ambition. Without truth as a foundation and ideas worth exploring, meandering replaces meaning, confusion trumps conviction, ambivalence swallows aspiration-nothing really matters all that much."

Alright - so here's the start to my small attempt at rescuing ambition. It's not like I have some super secret gift I have been hiding - these are just some things I have been thinking about.

Hopefully I'll be a little more consistent on the development of gifts and talents without constantly looking to the left and right of me to see how much better other people are. I also hope to be encouraged by the gifts God has given other people - they just point to a God who is super creative. And who would have one very cool blog.

I love that you wrote this! I have the same exact thoughts and struggles on the whole blogging department. You are an amazing writer and I hope you continue that....it's one of your MANY gifts. You are Stammtastic....glad to have you in our family!!

Beautiful beautiful post Linds. I needed to hear it because I struggle with it as well. And I'm so glad that Josh walked you through it as well...I love how you write and I would miss it if I didn't see it. You have the ability to make me laugh and ponder in almost every post you write! Love you and keep on blogging. ;p