I love to cook. I love to eat. I can't use the toaster without making a mess.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Tarta de Chocolate y Cafe

I've changed the first sentence to this blog post six seven times. I've tried writing it in a coffee shop. I've tried writing it in my bed. I try again and again but yet each time I sit down at my laptop, I feel n-o-t-h-i-n-g. I feel uninspired, and that is not me.

I like to write; no, I love to write. I put my fingers on to the keyboard and just flow. It is how I live my life; I like to live in a constant flow.

I despise roadblocks. When I see what I want, tunnel vision kicks in and I begin to obsess. Though I usually feel somewhat patient, I become ravenous for what is yet to come. Whatever is standing in my way is the one thing separating me and the rest of my life. It's like I keep waiting for it to begin.

Right now, I am three weeks away from a master's. Once I have my master's, I think, it will all come together. Right now, I am itching to move out of my parents house and into my independence. Once I am on my own, I imagine, I can be free. Right now, I am at a job where I am loved, but I am intellectually bored out of my mind and searching for more. Once I find my job in Boston, I avow, I can begin my life.

But what is that? Why am I always waiting for the roadblocks to move and then start? Why not now? Why can't I understand that life, as my dad always says, is about the journey, and not the destination?

When I come to these roadblocks, I forget about the things I love because I am plagued by the things I want. I forget to spend time with friends because I don't think I have time. I forget to blog because I'm writing a final manuscript. I forget to live because I'm so busy trying to figure out my life. And it's got to stop.

This recipe for is one I made for a tapas birthday party for my friend Rachel. I remember when I first tried it, I was disappointed. It is not sweet enough, I protested. I almost didn't bring it to the party. I felt shameful because I'm the food blogger. I was expected to at least bring something tasty! How could my dessert not be perfect?!

But then a few people reminded me that Mexican chocolate isn't necessarily sweet. And that sometimes dessert isn't a one-size-fits-all type of thing. I gave it another chance. Subtle, I thought. I dove into it more. A hint of strong coffee, a crunch of an espresso bean, the silky richness of the cake. I liked it.

I'm reading this over again and I see how silly it was. How stupid that something as small (literally) as mini cheesecake would get to me. I'm almost embarrassed to tell you all. I hope that this post maybe hits home to some of you. Maybe you get too caught up in the roadblocks like I do. Trust me, it's probably not as big a deal as you think... if only I could listen to my own advice.

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line muffin tins with 24 baking cups. Combine the butter and cookie crumbs and press a tbsp of this mixture over the base of the each baking cup.2. Meanwhile, Beat the sugar with the vanilla extract and cream cheese. Add the eggs, beating well after each one. Add the espresso and flour and beat again. Transfer half of this mixture into the lined pans and sprinkle half the grated chocolate over it. Spoon the rest of the mixture on top.3. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until tops of mini cakes are somewhat firm. Top with remaining chocolate and top with 3-4 chocolate covered coffee beans. Chill for at least 4 hours.

1 comment:

Good luck with your masters. I wish I could tell you as someone with a PhD that it will get you a job but I can't because that would be a lie. So don't give up, keep working at it and maybe you'll be lucky and get the job you want in Boston. If not, take what you can and don't stop looking until another career comes up. I gave up on academia after there were no jobs in my field last year but I had book published before then so I just turned my energy into full-time writing. Now if it actually paid like a regular job, eh?