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Funny satire stories about Coleen Rooney

Wayne Rooney has had a Brazillian - on his bonce!
The follicley challenged England and Manchester United star has given up the Battle of the Barnet.
Visits to London clinics to have his Loaf of Bread implanted with Orangutang's hair have led t...

Manchester - (Coochy-Coochy-Coo): Has Wayne Rooney got a bouncing 8lb indiscretion somewhere that we've not been told about?
Categorically not!
However Red Top gush about a camera left behind at the Mad MEN Arena last year is full of 'Coleen: M...

A top London PR agent has sprung to the defence of Coleen and Wayne Rooney.
They have been in the glare of the media spotlight since their trip to Dubai during which they have been seen knecking expensive champagne and generally living it up.
A...

Lovely Colleen Rooney and her hunky husband travelled down to B&Q in their personalised Range Rover last week, and after examining the discounted items for sale, they decided to buy a new washing up bowl.
"It was like a dream come true" shrill...

The wife of the England striker Wayne Rooney has announced that she intends to open a new plumber's merchants in the Cheetham Hill district of Manchester.
The new shop is expected to provide the usual array of gold plated taps, designer radiators,...

An uneasy compromise was reached between UK authorities and the European Union yesterday over the extent of Coleen Rooney's bosom.
Following the publication of pictures of the Rooneys on holiday in Dubai, speculation about whether Coleen's breasts...

The size of Coleen Rooney's bosom is causing diplomatic tension within the European Union.
Pictures in the world's press yesterday of Coleen and Wayne on holiday in Dubai sparked speculation that Coleen's breasts had expanded recently.
While m...

While they've been sunning themselves in Dubai, Wayne and Coleen Rooney have obviously been under scrutiny.
The couple are trying to patch up their marriage and Wayne needs to get his head together after last week's bizarre series of events in whi...

Not to be outdone by the Daily Mail and other such high quality journals, The Bollocks News Agency will be covering the Rooney's hols in Dubai, in all the lurid detail one could ever possibly want. Whilst we can't run to the expense of sending a repo...

Wayne Rooney has been seen in central Manchester with his mother-in-law, Colette. Sources close to the family are saying that Coleen decided to send Rooney on a shopping trip with her mum, in an attempt to rebuild the bridges he destroyed, while he w...

There were sighs of relief throughout eastern and central Europe this week as Wayne and Coleen returned home from Prague without sparking a 30-year conflict.
As we reported last week, there were concerns that Coleen might exact a terrible revenge...

As Wayne and Coleen Rooney jetted to Prague, a top historian warned them to beware of the Czech Republic's capital.
Coleen is in the city for a fashion shoot and Wayne, who is currently out of the Manchester Utd side injured, flew to be with her i...

Liverpool - (Gonads): "Print that loada rubbish and they'll have yer guts for garters," Liverpool gynaecologist - er...geneaologist! - Rodney Blaggard said today.
"Lesser slurs than that started the Toxteth Riots and that was before Roo or his Mis...

Pau, France - (Holy Cow!): Will it be bell, book and candle next for Wayne Rooney if the missus's last ditch marriage-save caper bombs?
Coleen has fled to Lourdes, hoping an appeal to the Madonna will see a miracle turnaround.
The direct approa...

One of the prostitutes involved in the three-in-a-bed, piggies in blankets rumpus type sex romp with English footballer Wayne Rooney apologised on Sunday, saying "it was a mistake. I should have realised that being a vagina owner, I have great power,...

Becks has been a busy boy of late, he has been spotted running around wearing glasses and choosing push bikes for his ankle biters. He has returned to the pitch as well just recently for his footy team who play soccer, following a six month recovery...

Soccer RAT Wayne Rooney was found dumped inside a council wheelie bin yesterday and the culprit has been caught in the act on CCTV
Coleen Rooney, a local housewife stayed tight-lipped about the incident as she went shopping in Liverpool.
The 2...

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