When . . .

When I turned 50 my body
Hit me over the head and said,
“Pay attention to me.”

Actually it was my back.
After weeks of pain, the message came on the massage table.
“When I disparage my body
I disparage God
When I disparage others,
I disparage God.”

So I set about to stop “disparaging” my body
I took seriously it’s messages of pain and discomfort,
It’s need for exercise and care.

When I turned sixty,
I felt better than I had at 50.
I smugly said to myself,
and anyone who might listen:
“I want to age gracefully.”

I’m kicking and screaming approaching seventy.
It doesn’t help that in the last two years my body
has been trying to get my attention, again.
A fall on the bike: Be more careful!

But it’s been the headaches, ocular migraines.
They peaked last March.
I heard myself say,
“I feel defeated by my body.”
Then I really listened to my lament and heard,
“What is my body trying to tell me?”

I listened over several months and with it came awareness
And an interior place needing healing.
A deep wound came to light on my recent retreat.
All my life I’ve been trying to prove that I am worthy to be here.
Then Divine Mystery said to me,
“You are here because I sent you.
I need you to be Anne.
I need you now to stand up to your full height,
To share the wisdom from your years of struggle
That stills wants to come through you;
That god-given creation that is your body.
Celebrate it now and as long as you have breath.

My spiritual director offered,
“Listen to your body as though it were the voice of God.”
That’s my plan.

Thank you Anne for listening. You leave hope in your wake and you are remembered. I have emailed you this morning as you have come back to me in your beautiful presence that it is time to connect with you. Your words are my words… I cannot believe how much they speak to me as I prepare to turn 60!