the monsters inside:

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

So, it definitely took some concerted effort this year, and even a couple of back-up plans, but I finally got my little April Fools!!

Cellophaned the Entrance to their Bedrooms

And put a sign on the floor on the other side to distract them enough that they (hopefully) wouldn't notice the shimmering. Was actually hoping they'd wake in the middle of the night to go pee, but they totally slept thru. Of course. Then my alarm goes off this morning and the dawn begins shining through, and I'm thinking that I'm completely screwed because now I have to leave all the lights off instead of 1-2-3'ing their lights on for their regular morning wake-up call. AND nevermind that I can't go into their rooms to kiss them awake because...yes, I've saran wrapped myself out. They're totally gonna figure this one out! Good thinking there, Mama.

So, I called them awake...a couple of times...from the hallway...from the kitchen. And they both just yelled at me from their beds that they thought I was playing a previous year's joke on them again where I moved all the clocks forward but it was really only four in the morning, so everyone refused to budge! Ugh. Finally convinced Saia to confirm the time on her iPod and she took the plunge, and like a giddy toddler on Christmas morning, I waited patiently in the dark hallway between their two rooms with my hand over my mouth as she turned her light on and stumbled toward the door.

It worked like a charm. She reached for the note on the other side of the invisible "door" and brushed up against it with her bedhead. She jumped back with a squeal, the delicate curtain static-clinging to her arms, legs, and head, as she tumbled backward onto her chaise, arms flailing about as though she were caught in a giant spiderweb. I nearly peed my pants. I had to rush in to cover her mouth quickly, laughing under my breath and whispering in her ear, "Happy April Fools' Day, babygirl!" but pointing down the hall to alert her that her brother hadn't yet fallen for the prank. Then she was all in!

The two of us danced on our tippy toes with our hands wringing at the thought of the boy plowing into the saran wrap on his sleepy way to the bathroom. We sprinted down the hallway as I faked hollered for him to hurry up and come to breakfast. And when his light went on, finally, we both nearly squeeeeeed. And then he says, as he carefully maneuvers his way off his bunk, "Hey, what's with the plastic curtain thingy?"

Ugh. Darn boy. Onto Plan B.

Baking Soda in the Potty

Once he hobbled his way to the kitchen, I realized in all the excitement and retelling of Plan A that he hadn't yet gone to the restroom, so I hurriedly poured some baking soda into my hand and casually went down the hall to drop it into the toilet bowl. About 30 seconds later, he remembered, and click-slide, click-slide, made his way back down the hall. As soon as he shut the door, I told Saia, and then we both stood outside the bathroom door...listening. (I know, I know. So not right.) But when he didn't react right away, even though the...er...sound clearly indicated that the chemical reaction should be in full effect, I scooted back towards the kitchen and yelled, "Everything okay in there?" Very inconspicuous like. Shut up. Yes, it was. But he just said, "What!? Uh, yeah, mom."

Darn oblivious monkey. Onto Plan C.

Extraterrestrial Cereal

Zooming back into the kitchen, I reached for my food coloring and stealthily added a few drops of green and blue at the bottom of their cereal bowls. Once they sat down (him first this time, thank goodness) and they poured the milk in, about 10 seconds later their cheerios, bananas and strawberries were all swimming in an ocean of teal colored milk.

"Hey!" he said with a huge smile on his face. "What in the world happened to my cereal?" :)

Okay, okay, so it was definitely something, but I still wasn't completely satisfied. Better throw in Plan D.

Salty Toothbrushes

By the time they finished breakfast, they were suspicious of every move I made. So, of course, I played it all cool and nonchalant and told them it was snowing outside (which is one I've used on them every single year since they were 2 and really thought it would just throw them off my scent). Surprisingly, because of the hail we had yesterday, they both rushed to the window to see. Too distracted to revel in that mini victory, I slunk down the hallway with a handful of salt, took their toothbrushes and rubbed it in. But good.

After the disappointment of no snow fell away and they began to believe that maybe they were safe again, I pounced into our 15-minutes-to-get-out-the-door routine, which drove them instantly to their toothbrushes. And then...ahhhh...music to my prankster ears..."MAAAMMMMMMAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"

Gotcha, babies! :)

But just for good measure, I carefully opened two leftover ringpops from Halloween, replaced the rings with baby carrots and broccoli florets, and superglued them closed to pop into their lunches this afternoon. Because duh!

Thursday, February 06, 2014

I’m a self-admitted Olympics addict. I download the apps. I check for updates throughout the day at work. I watch from the moment the Today Show anchors travel to the games to every single interview and this-is-their-life story post-games. I adore them. All. And for all the reasons you’d expect. For those same reasons, in fact, I follow NASA posts, Nobel Prize nominations, research and development discoveries, and humanitarian / political / agricultural / and environmental activism. Because these folks were blessed with something by whatever God or fate or chance you believe in. They’ve got skills and talents that I could never possess. And they know how to wield them. They represent the best in all of us. And the games themselves still encourage a healthy level of international competition that always makes me feel idealistically encouraged and globally connected to the whole human race in a way that the horror stories on the world nightly news just can’t.

That being said, I can hardly believe how horrific things are in Russia today, and I’m genuinely finding it increasingly difficult to support not only the host choice, but the financial benefits they and the sponsors will reap because of this event.

BUT...were it not for the Olympics, we might not all have seen the reality of the situation come to light there. The rug has been pulled back; the closet doors flung open, as it were, and all their inhumane and culturally tyrannical skeletons are falling out all over the place. So, with the spotlight squarely on them now, and all those truths no longer secrets, maybe now some level of global social awareness and political activism can and will lead to change?

But at what cost? To those in harm’s way. To our children. To those who signed up to be athletes, not soldiers, who are suddenly thrust into a dangerous and tumultuous situation. Who are knowingly and willingly standing up for what is right in spite of what terror may rain down upon them. They’re kids. And this isn’t The Hunger Games.

But it's hard not to recall Jesse Owens in 1936 or the Black Power Salute in 1968 (which Tommie Smith himself later wrote was actually a "Human Rights Salute"). How frightened they must've been. The courage that must have taken. And the strength they had to pull from in order to not only continue to represent their country with character and integrity, but still excel as athletes! It was impressive and amazing and inspirational. And our current LGBT athletes and all of their supporters and allies are no less of an inspiration. But the dangers should not be diminished by the pomp and circumstance of the opening ceremonies tonight.

The FAA terrorist threats are real. The Black Widow suicidal bombers are true. The brutal mass killing of stray dogs is absolutely reprehensible. But that's all really just a microcosm of the larger cultural dogma by which they govern their society. The constant, condoned, and public threats, the violence and the torture of the LGBT community in Russia is intolerable, unjustifiable, and impermissible. And it has to be stopped.

So, do we not watch the games? Does that stop anything? Does anyone care that I don’t have my TV on? No, of course not. Because we HAVE to watch the games. We have athletes to support. We have a country to support. We have to rise above the chaos and bigotry in our own nation, as well as others, in order to truly be the Americans represented by the Statue of Liberty. We have a great and powerful history of doing just that. But, and more importantly, we HAVE to continue to be vocal -- more active – louder, stronger -- and on social media, especially. No, walls haven't fallen because of Twitter, but we have more social activists now than ever before – with greater reach – and greater influence – and in greater numbers on a global scale than at any other time in history. And no, I don't know what the next steps should be or could be with Russia. Human rights tribunals? (at a minimum) An embargo? (oh, no, not the vodka!!), but something…SOMETHING…needs to happen...and will, with irrefutable certainty, ONLY happen if we raise our voices!

This is the most politically charged Olympics in some time. And while I agree that politics itself should not be the focus of the games, human rights and equality should -- always -- without a doubt.

Because the risks being wagered today are no less. And the message we were sending in ’36 and ‘68 is the same message we should be sending now. There are no sub-humans, no second-class citizens, no lesser thans. We are one in the same, and in many cases, yes, really terrifying versions of one another. But we. are. all. equal. And we won't be silenced.

Friday, January 10, 2014

So, after experiencing what seemed like an inordinate amount of illnesses and critical medical conditions and deaths this past holiday season and all the way into the new year, even, either too close for comfort, virtually through FB, or on TV, it's been sitting like a ball of acid in my belly, churning and grinding, hissing and spitting...

What if tomorrow never comes?

And although I'm not really emotionally ready to deal with the actual possibility of that all too inevitable reality, I decided that at the very least...

I could teach them how to cook.

Full meals. Great meals. Family meals. Because food is home. And sharing. And moments. And holidays. And love, and arguments, and weddings, and funerals. And that's what I want them to remember. All the levels and flavors and depths of love.

So tonight, Saita decided she would make Mama's Chicken Tacos. From scratch. On her own. And she did!! Three hours later, we're sitting down to the absolute best chicken taco meal I have ever had in my whole. entire. life.

It was an...I think that's an...oh, dear God, I think he actually set his alarm!

And sure enough, in one fluid movement, he pops right off his top bunk, slams the snooze, flicks on his light without a second's hesitation that we normally have to 1-2-3, snatches his book off his desk, and hops right back into bed.

"Uhhhhh...Bubba? What's going on, babe?"

"Morning, Mama!!" says Chipper Charlie.

"What are you doing, son? It's 5:45 in the morning!"

"Huh?" he says without even lifting his eyes off the page.

"Son!" I say. "What. Are. You. Doing?"

"Oh," he finally acknowledges, "well, I didn't get to finish my book last night and it's really, really good, and I only have *this* much to go, and..."

I put my palm up. Smile from every little place inside me and out. And go back to bed.

Thursday, December 05, 2013

Up at 5:30 this morning. To make tortillas. Which is great, you know, that they loved them so much that they requested them for breakfast...and lunch. But it's a time-consuming task. And I'm not really a morning person. And had I just thought about it last night (here's the planning issue rearing its ugly head again) while I was already making a batch, I could've just doubled it and been ready. So this was very much a labor of love. Or something.

Too much flour, shortening, and beans in little bodies that aren't getting as many fresh veggies and fruit as they're used to, begins to take its toll...

Feeling much less annoyed today, and more into the routine of things. Whatever the kids don't finish for snacks, they have to move to lunch or the next day's snack. Although no one particularly loves this plan, it really shed some unflattering light on how much food we let go to waste just because it didn't get "chosen" out of the snack bag that day.

Although I accounted for the lemon in our total, I actually picked it from our lemon tree. It occurred to me that I'm not doing enough home gardening, even with the small side yard that we have, and even though it's a rental. The kids and I will likely plant some herbs, tomatoes, onions, and leafy greens in the spring as a direct result of my realizing we're underutilizing the things we actually do have and can control. I acknowledge that many people won't have a lot of room to plant, but small urban gardens in pots and bowls can yield at least some injection of freshness into otherwise potentially lifeless meals. And community gardens, especially in cities with so many food deserts, should really be supported and encouraged at the local, state, and federal levels.

Finally, realizing that I'm not only counting the days until this challenge is over, but I'm now counting the hours. And then immediately grateful that I can say at least that.

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

I didn't wake up thinking about food today. I knew what I'd be making for breakfast, and the leftovers from last night were going to be a more than adequate lunch for all 3 of us. The relief I feel in just saying that is a bit of a surprise to me. But it makes a huge difference.

I decided, after a pretty lengthy internal debate, to make waffles this morning. On the one hand, the ingredients are mostly things I've already used since Day 1; but on the other hand, I'm fortunate enough to have an electric waffle maker. So, my rationale went something like this...if I didn't have a waffle maker, but I did have kids, I still would want to be able to make them waffles once in a while. So, maybe, I might even try to find a waffle iron at a thrift shop. I know I've seen them there before. And I don't think it's at all too far fetched of an assumption.

Of course, I recognize as I write these words, that at least half of you are thinking how very useless, in the grand scheme of things, a waffle iron is. But I would counter that it's precisely in the grand scheme of things where something as small as a waffle iron, which changes the entire face and feel of an everyday meal, and makes my kids smile and maybe feel as though they're getting something a little special that morning, is where it counts most. And maybe especially under these circumstances.

That being said, the ingredients I'm using could just as easily make flat pancakes. So there you go.

WEDNESDAY'S MENU

BREAKFAST: Waffles with Pork Sausage Links

3 c flour

4 tbsp margarine

2 tbsp canola oil

1.5 c milk

2 large eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract (generic brand)

½ packet of self-rising yeast

4 maple sausage links (generic brand)

2 tsp drizzled honey

Total for Breakfast: $2.89

Surprisingly satisfying leftovers for lunch

LUNCH: Leftover Chicken and Rice Bowl

3 servings of chicken and rice from last night’s dinner

1 apple, sliced and sprinkled with cinnamon for each

Total for Lunch: $0.30

SNACKS: Morning and After School

2 hardboiled eggs for each of the monsters

small snack bag of red grapes for each of them

4 graham crackers for each of the 3 of us

6 cashews for mama

1 small cup of bad work coffee in the afternoon for mama (YAY!!!)

Total for Snacks: $1.98

DINNER: Quesadillas

4 slices of turkey lunchmeat (generic brand)

1 dz flour tortillas -- homemade: so…

3 cups of unbleached flour

2 tsp baking powder

3/4 c shortening (didn't have lard available)

3/4 c warm water

2 c shredded cheddar cheese

Total for Dinner for 3: $7.27

DESSERT: 2 Scoops Vanilla Ice Cream Each: $0.28

1 Flintstone Vitamin each: $0.20

GRAND TOTAL: $12.92

TODAY'S OBSERVATIONS

As I work to change my perception of what I'm actually doing, I'm realizing that it's not completely different from things I do normally with regard to the children. I already cook and bake for them daily. I already make every single one of their lunches so that they don't ever have to ingest that sorry excuse for sustenance at their school's cafeteria. But it's definitely more structured, and requires so much more careful planning, and the variety of fresh fruit and vegetables has certainly suffered. I can't be as creative and spontaneous with what I feed them, but their overall diet and caloric intake hasn't actually changed too much, except for the elimination of all store-bought snacks. Which, really, was solely for convenience, and, truthfully, something I'm glad to see make it's way out of our daily routine.

But...it's me who's feeling the effects most. My usual -- nearly daily -- runs to Starbucks. My grabbing a quick lunch in the cafe at work, or splurging at the farmer's market on Wednesdays, or anytime I want to go out to eat sushi or Thai or Vietnamese or tapas. Gone. My afterwork drinks. My cheeses and salsas and chips. Gone. My midnight munching on chocolate covered pomegranate seeds. My glass of wine while making dinner. Gone. Gone. Gone. And that, as selfish and self-centered as it all sounds, is what's taking its toll the most.

I feel like I'm being punished for something, even though I should be grateful we have enough to fill our bellies. I feel like I'm being cheated out of something, even though there's nothing actually wrong. I feel angry and frustrated, and think about the vending machine up on the 4th floor way more than I should. And trust me when I say that I realize how horrible this all sounds when there are actually families who are struggling just to maintain some basic level of nourishment. But if I don't acknowledge how this is truly affecting me, then I'm not doing myself or this project any real good.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Woke up this morning with a headache and irritable from my unintended fast yesterday and my overall lack of caffeine. Did not plan appropriately (again) last night for today, so Day 2 of the Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge is turning out to be a bit of a bear.

After the monsters' recorded their video reflecting on Day 1 last night, my daughter pointed out to me that although they appreciated the fact that I wanted to ensure they received the majority of the food, they would prefer that I allotted myself a little more going forward in order to keep me from being so irritable and snappy at the end of the day.

I was really struck by this in a way that I wouldn't normally be because she was absolutely right. And it made me wonder how difficult it must be for parents who are always short on food to maintain a level state of emotion and thoughtfulness when you're just really digging as deep as you can to get the next task done and move on to the next day. But there has to be a balance. There has to. So, for the sake of their sanity and mine, I'm adjusting my portions a little today.

TUESDAY'S MENU

Cinnamon Oatmeal

BREAKFAST:

Oatmeal

1.5 c generic oats

1 tbsp generic brown sugar

1 tbsp margarine (cheapest I could find)

1 tbsp honey (from farmer's market jar)

Chunky Applesauce on the Stove

2 small diced over-ripe apples I was about to throw out

2 tbsp margarine (already beginning to realize I use this too much for it to be one that's so bad for us)

1 tsp sugar

2 tsp sprinkled cinnamon (grated stick)

water for both

Total for Breakfast: $2.11

LUNCH:

sliced chicken breast (the whole chicken I boiled will last for several meals, including the broth)

4 slices of wheat bread for 2 sandwiches

mustard for her

for me: leftover oatmeal the kids didn't finish at breakfast (almost 1.5 cups cooked, which was actually very filling, and which I ate over the course of 2 hours between breakfast and lunch), and, of course, lots more water

Total for Lunch: $1.22

﻿

Celery and carrot stix with peanut butter

and homemade chunky applesauce

﻿ SNACKS: Morning and After School NOTE: This is where we found we were lacking most yesterday.

cut-up carrots and celery sticks

1 heaping tbsp of peanut butter for each

2 tbsp chunky applesauce from breakfast

1 string cheese for her

1 snack bag of chex mix for him

Total for Snacks: $2.10

﻿﻿ ﻿﻿ ﻿DINNER: Chicken and Rice and Veggies

diced half boiled chicken from Monday

re-use 4 c chicken broth from the boil

re-use 2 egg yolks from Monday to thicken the sauce

﻿﻿

Chicken and Rice with a Side of Mixed Steamed Veggies

﻿﻿

2 tbsp yellow onion

2 tsp ground comino seed

1/4 c diced bell pepper

4 crushed cloves garlic

1/4 c chopped cilantro

3 c white rice

1 tbsp flour

1 bag frozen mixed veggies (steamed)

Total for Dinner: $5.45

DESSERT: 2 Scoops Vanilla Ice Cream: $0.28

1 Flintstone vitamin each: $0.20

GRAND TOTAL: $11.36

TODAY'S OBSERVATIONS

We had $13.68 to spend today. I only spent $11.36. That leaves $2.32. But I actually don't consider that a savings. I view that as an opportunity to maximize our spending and do better with my meal planning so that all 3 of us feel satisfied from morning until bedtime. Or, it could also mean I get to factor in a cup of coffee tomorrow. :)

Although dinner ended up being a pretty expensive meal, it was because it made so much that I was able to eat a full dinner myself, and we still have leftovers for all three of our lunches tomorrow.

By far, though, the biggest observation made today was that, as a parent, I still and always have to put the mask on myself first before taking care of my children.

Monday, December 02, 2013

This week, the kids and I will be participating in the Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge in order to bring awareness to the challenges faced by so many families just like ours all over the country who, for whatever reason, have found themselves in the situation where they must attempt to nourish themselves on the current government allotment of $4.56 a day.

Although we could never truly understand the circumstances and the full weight of living day to day in that situation in just seven days, this challenge is really meant to help stir discussion and shed some light on the fact that this is a reality for many -- and, as I explained to the monsters this morning, that may very well include some of their friends and they don't even know it.

Shockingly, this meager daily allotment for food stamps is actually decreasing in 2014. And this is something that, no matter your position on the politics of it, needs to be considered. These are our neighbors, our friends and family, our community, our countrymen.

Could you sustain yourself, your family, and attempt to also eat nutritiously, spending just $4.56 per person, per day?

That's $13.68 per day for my family of 3 -- breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, dessert, and all beverages.

So, this week, we have a total of $95.76 to spend, including condiments, oils, baking goods, and spices, which, when you add it up like that, actually sounds pretty reasonable. Until you think about what you spent the last time you went out for dinner. And all of our beautiful Thanksgiving leftovers have gone into hybernation in the freezer for a week. (But the fact that I can even complain about any that makes me immediately recoil with embarassment at our exorbitance.)

NOTE: Our budget is only $13.68. That only gives me a savings of $1.79, which wasn't really a savings at all considering I didn't eat more than a half a banana for breakfast and a half an apple for lunch. Will need to make adjustments accordingly or Mama may hit road rage status by Tuesday afternoon...

TODAY'S OBSERVATIONS

- Found I was actually hungry first thing in the morning even though I never usually am, and am wondering if it's just because I'm suddenly hyper food conscious

- Found that I took smaller bites of my food and chewed slowly to try to make it last longer

- Realized the morning rush to prep for work and school makes it that much harder to pack smart lunches for all of us. Planning is really critical.

- Realized school snacks are actually going to be the hardest part for us; partly because the monsters are so picky and partly because it's harder to be creative with something that needs to be super quick, portable, and a dash of fast energy

- Recognize that much of what I did today and have tentatively planned for the rest of the week assumes that I have a working stove, oven, refrigerator, and freezer at my disposal. This revelation was a bit of a jolt.

- Found myself looking at the clock more often. When could I have another graham cracker? How long before I could eat my apple?

- Recognized around 1pm that I did a terrible job planning my own meals because I was so concerned about ensuring the kids got the lion's share of the $13.68. Hoping to plan a little better for tomorrow.

- Acknowledge that totalling up a cost per serving is not really necessarily the same thing as having to go out and spend per meal unless you're truly able to purchase, prepare, and store the majority of your items for re-use.

- Thinking that a glass of wine would be really, really great right about now...

To hear from the monsters' mouths exactly what they thought about their Day 1 experience, click HERE.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

"Oh," he says, "the guy, you know? That guy who jumped from space?" gesturing skyward wildly with his hand like the good mini-me he is.

My eyes dart towards the upper lefthand corner of my sockets, clearly indicating I am stretching my 43-yr-old brain to try and uncover that little tidbit of info I used to be able to recall at the drop of a hat for a good Friday night trivia game, even after a couple of glasses of wine, but now can only seem to use tp form the best possible SEO sentence to plug into the googler.

"guy who jumped from space"

The results of which then sent me unexpectedly into tears for the next 10 minutes as I read him the whole story about how an 84-yr-old retired Air Force Colonel, Joe Kittinger, was essentially Felix Baumgartner's mission control and Jiminy Cricket, talking him thru some seriously intense moments on the way up as well as down, including an outer stratosphere out-of-control spin that nearly killed the very same Colonel a half century before.

And by the time I read about how the Austrian daredevil stood at the edge of his capsule, saluted, and marveled at feeling so very small standing there looking out over the entire world, I was literally heaving.

He plummeted at over 833 mph, released his parachute 1000 miles above New Mexico, and landed on his own two feet.

The data his crew of scientists and engineers were able to compile will be used for years to come, and only open up wider the inevitability of tourist space travel. And THAT idea just makes every hair on my body stand on end. Can you imagine? It would be like standing next to the first successful open-heart surgery. To be able to experience that, to feel that sense of hugeness and smallness at the same time, to actually be taking steps forward and beyond and into the infinite...

I was just a big bawling mess at the breakfast table this morning.

So...I'm either pregnant, which isn't really gonna happen without my research, order form, and signature of the FedEx delivery of the nitro tank, or I'm just pms'ing...

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

"I don't think I wanna try out for the Spelling Bee this year," she said.

"Oh no? Why not?" I ask her.

"I just don't like being up there in front of everyone," she replies, which, in Saia language, means I'm not gonna set myself up for disappointment by showing how much I want to be selected, so I'll just feign disinterest instead.

But she couldn't really suppress her excitement when she was chosen to be an alternate and then went to bed last night secretly wishing the girl with the fever wouldn't show up for the competition this morning.

But she did. And Saia did a great job of being a good sport and supporting her classmates and, a little less enthusiastically, her brother.

The boy, on the other hand, makes no bones about his love of words and has been itching and raring to go for weeks. Despite his prep work, he sat unusually still on stage and looked uncharacteristically nervous. When he passed his 1st round with "honest," he let out a visible sigh of relief. Then came "huddled," which is not a difficult word, but it's hardly ever a big word that takes you down in the Bee, you know. It's a forgotten d or a missed double letter or a transposed l and e, but he took his time, and paced himself, and knocked it outta the park.

And it was on to round 3!

There are only 14 children left, and it's at this point that you find yourself, in spite of yourself, wishing not-so-well on the remaining pack of 9- and 10-year-olds. Just a little slip here. Just a little too fast there. Just a minor flub anywhere...

COME ON, ALREADY!!!!

And then he got "transatlantic." And I'm pretty certain I stopped breathing.

But he aced it, and is now TOP 8 OF THE 4th GRADE CLASS and moves on to the school-wide finals!!!!!!!! And, based solely on the number of exclamation points I've already used in this post today, I may just need to take a mild little sedative before that one.