so i have 2 diff pairs that iv been trying to spawn, ill tr one pair then i swith to the other pair, then ill change them up, rotating between 3 females but every time i get the same results,

Either;
1) my male and female embrace and produce eggs, but within an hour my male destroys the nest and eats the eggs
or
2) the male and female just stay complacent and do nothing for up to 5 days before my male lets his nest fall apart

I'v tried many variations, switching partners and trying same pair 2 or 3 times and every time i get one of the 2 results above, im starting to think thats its not the fish but maybe im doing something wrong?? please give me pointers, i need some breeding experts to tell me the secret that im obviously overlooking

Some male never make good fathers and you may need to artificial hatch the eggs, however if the male is over stressed or disturbed too much he will eat the eggs for the protein so he will have the energy to spawn again later when its safe.....

I agree with Curly-give them a rest in separate containers none in the spawning tank and so they can't see each other then feed well-if you have access to mosquito larva offer that 2-3 times daily instead of processed food and you can get them ready in about 3-4 days otherwise feed processed food for about 1-2 weeks-allow them to see each other for about 5min 1-2 times a day-get the spawning tank ready-add lots of plants, get the water tanned etc.....

I agree with Curly and OFL, give them a rest, then try again. I know it's hard, but maybe give them their space, don't watch too closely. I know you want to make sure they aren't killing each other, but you can watch from across the room if need be.