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Who Is Keeping Score?

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Do you find yourself keeping track of who has done what to whom in your life? Perhaps you are still holding a grudge against your ex, or an in-law or maybe even a whole passel of people? I believe that keeping score and holding grudges can get to be a habit—we just tend to worry that we are somehow getting cheated or that we are not getting our fair share and keeping track of what is going on with others around us seems to be a reasonable anecdote. It isn’t. Instead of making us feel better, keeping score can make it so that we are stuck feeling victimized and bitter and we are unable to embrace life and move on.

Look over your life—are there areas where you are keeping score? Do you worry that your ex is making more money, living a better lifestyle, or that his or her new partner is “getting more” than you feel you ever did? Do you look at your children and feel as though they are not getting their fair share? Do you still feel as though you are competing with siblings or that you are getting passed over and victimized at work?

The thing is—there are always going to be injustices, especially if you are constantly looking for them. AND, it really only hurts you to be clinging and searching for reasons to keep score. Although I do think we can pass on that victimization thinking to our children—soon they, too, will be looking around and feeling like everyone has what they do not.

Keeping score is a way of fixating on the past and focusing on what is NOT happening instead of tuning in to what is actually going on in your life and what you can do to affect change in your own life. Instead of worrying about what is going on with all those people around you and keeping score of whom it doing and getting what—you can put that energy into positively influencing your own life.