Thursday, September 18, 2014

Vampiress Review: "American Vampire"

The Gist: A teenager whose parents leave him unsupervised for the summer is in over his head when a group of vampires invite themselves to live with him.

Clarification: This is a comedy which really isn't very funny. The makers of the film realize this and use the alternate commentary feature on the DVD to basically rip the film Mystery Science Theater style which doesn't make it any more entertaining. In fact it just points out a lot of little errors in filming that otherwise wouldn't really be noticed. The premise is pretty straight forward, A rich kid named Frankie has the house to himself, and lets his buddy invite some random guy they met on the beach to his house who decides not to leave but it's ok because he has two extremely hot girls with him. Unfortunately all three turn out to be vampires. Eventually they pretty much take over his place including turning his friends and girlfriend so Frankie enlists the help of a vampire hunter to help him get rid of them.

Selling Point: Adam West has a cameo as the vampire hunter called "The Big Kahuna" who is pretty much just a surfer version of the absent minded "Mayor West" character from Family Guy (which says something since this film came out two years before Family Guy debuted).

Female Vampire Factor: Despite the fact that every version of the DVD's cover places them up front. The female vampires played by Debra Xavier and Carmen Electra are not focal points at all in the film and only exist for the occasional T&A.

Also the only female vampires that you actually see biting in the film are a pair that Frankie dreams about at the beginning of the film which is very random and not really explained other than I assume foreshadowing.

Frankies Dream vamps

and finally Frankies girlfriend Dee Dee (played by the daughter of musician Mel Torme, Daisy) gets turned in the film but does absolutely nothing. It is the most attractive she looks in the movie though.

So with that I give this film a Vampire Beauty rating of 1 out of 5. Three female vamps that hang out in the background of a very unentertaining film where the only thing that makes them vamps is glowing eyes (and in Dee Dee's case having her voice changed.