Saturday, February 22, 2014

I mean, seriously ........

But there is clearly a connection with things becoming suddenly serious, folks trying random solutions, and Global Warming.

Just when i was getting serious about this, I did come across this paper published in the Annals of Serious Stuff:

"An analysis of Item Number performances by Endorphins when faced with insoluble problems and the subsequent reactions of the Amygdala-in-law : a Five Star sweet study."

I mean , election year is very serious stuff. Sense often goes off for a toss. We have grown men, fighting for pieces of paper in Parliament, punching other serious folks, while some hyper types simply keep running to the well of the house in desperation, in answer to eye signals from some other serious types.

Very clearly, a rap on the knuckles is not the solution. Neither is a high pitched voice urging folks to sit down. Some think a glare might turn errant types into mush. It doesn't.

It needs Out of the House Cadburized solutions. Subsidized Five Star Chocolates for all MP's. Excessive shouting and fights, and the Speaker presses a lever, and chocolates spring up at all desks, and the Endorphinal Drool factor takes over. The ravaging of the wrapper, the first look, the political neurons going "Aiiyo" in the brain, and a gradual quietening of voices , as the sweet chocolate solutions make the endorphinas go "Ta Thaiyya ".

For the rest , it is easy. We have elected folks who do fisticuffs, who nod away to sleep due to possibly political hypoglycemia, or excessive financial hyperglycemia , and some who even take off their shirts to display their absolutely nonexistent abs. These are rudderless folks. Possibly undergoing a second childhood. They need a serious objective to work towards. As befits their exalted status. Like say, Five star.

Like any serious party would announce today "No wrapper will be left wrapped, unless we have covered all the members of this august house.".

Like Global warming, which is universally accused of raising tempers in the above mentioned paper, this solution is also universal. Applies across ages.

The solution is also a stress buster , as one learns from children.

Like a little girl of 5, who then, 20 years ago, went to Germany with her family, completely oblivious of the land and its language. While her folks were stressed initially over the new language, formal customs, etc, she went headlong into things. The solution was discovered when her mother went to make her bed, and found chocolate wrappers daily under her pillow. Clearly , she didn't know about the endorphins, but she didn't know the spelling of SERIOUS either. It also gave her lots of energy to fight a hefty classmate who threatened all the girls in kindergaarten and hogged the swing.

The same girl , recently got married. As you know, marriages in India , are serious stuff. At least for those directly involved and their families. Hundreds of guests, thousands of scrutinizing eyes. Some that bore deep, despite cataract vision, observing the adornments et al. An early departure to the wedding venue, and her mother, clearing stuff in the afternoon, and wondering why the daughter didn't appear to eat anything in the morning, suddenly comes across a half finished gift pack of 5 star chocolates behind a laptop.

Clearly, the stress busting continues. Seriously and Successfully.

Serious conditions, clearly being alleviated by the national chocolate solution. And it holds for quadrupeds too. Bovine visitors, original residents of the area where the aforesaid girl got married, clearly smelled the chocolate, despite the non existent fodder, due to certain scams. They were observed, ambling over to an area near the wedding venue, viewing the bride, and snorting in best political style, to the immense delight of all the little kids present.

And like so many things, that have become acceptable today, by virtue of they being excellent life solutions , we see this demolition of seriousness all around us. Unlike demolitions by the Mumbai Municipal authorities which are bitter and traumatic, these are sophisticated five star demolitions with no collateral damage. If life was a street, some would have insisted on naming a Five Star Chowk. (Garden maintained by Cadbury).

Like what happened at the evening wedding reception of the aforementioned girl.

Serious lights, serious photographers, serious poses, a stream of serious folks ambling across the stage wishing the girl and her family. And suddenly, there is a vision in white, that darts in, plonks herself between the couple, and envelopes the couple in a hug, decrying all the seriousness and generates one of the best five star chocolate photos of the day. Much like a rich cream sitting comfortably between two layers of chocolates, sometimes even emerging to cover them.

Many smiles. Many more grins, And some hearty laughs.

I am serious. About chocolate. I mean, I know Global Warming, and papers being published regarding item numbers and endorphins, and step-amygdalas instigated by stuffy hippocampuses. Or is it Hippocampi ? Who cares ?