Hey kids! You know about the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny, right? Sure ya do! But whaddaya know about the Monopoly Man? Sure thing, the bespectacled top-hat-waving ol’ money grubber is just as 100% real as you or I or the bunny that brings you teeth-rotting sweets! And if ever you believe enough and have enough heart and are in biiiiiiiiig enough trouble with the IRS, just close your eyes and wish hard enough. He’ll appear with a couple big ol’ sacks of money, a new tune to whistle, and a whole lotta heart.

At least that’s what happened for hip-hop genius/legend Ms. Lauryn Hill. See, sometimes it happens that celebrities “forget” to pay their taxes, or have issues with giving money to the government or whatever. And this is pretty much what happened with Ms. Hill for the years 2005-2007, when she reportedly pulled in $1.8 million from film and music royalties. So the IRS got pissed. (But more than anything its feelings were hurt. Ahhhhh.) And the IRS threatened Hill with jail time and a $100,000 fine. Luckily, Ms. Hill had faith and a ton of really awesome hit songs, and when she clicked her heels and said his name backwards three times, Uncle Pennybags and his cohorts at Sony Music materialized in a cloud of magical smoke. Sony offered Hill a million dollar deal, plus money for studio time. The IRS offered Hill till May 6 to pay down some of that $$$ she owed. And Hill offered us, the people, the promise of five new songs. So how directly is Hill’s debt to the IRS directly related to her deal with Sony? Is it at all? No one’s exactly saying, but that’s how magical record industry fairies are — keepers of secrets, wielders of great fortunes. And in the end, isn’t it happily ever after for everyone concerned? The end.

George Jones, the definitive country singer of the last half-century, died Friday at a hospital in Nashville. He was 81.

He was hospitalized on April 18 with fever and irregular blood pressure, the Web site of Webster & Associates, his publicists, said in announcing the death.

Mr. Jones, who was nicknamed Possum for his close-set eyes and pointed nose, and later No-Show Jones for the concerts he missed during drink and drug binges, was a legendary figure in country music. His singing, which was universally respected and just as widely imitated, found vulnerability and doubt behind the cheerful drive of honky-tonk. With a baritone voice that was as elastic as a steel-guitar string, he brought suspense to every syllable, merging bluesy slides with the tight, quivering ornaments of Appalachian singing.

In his most memorable songs, all the pleasures of a down-home Saturday night couldn’t free him from private pain. His up-tempo songs had undercurrents of solitude, and the ballads that became his specialty were suffused with stoic desolation. “When you’re onstage or recording, you put yourself in those stories,” he once said.

The melodious forest elves behind Faun Fables have packed their tiny guitars in tiny magical seed pod cases and hitched their wisest rabbits to a tiny, enchanted stagecoach, which can only mean one thing: the Oakland-based duo are ready for a spring tour! Sylvan creatures Dawn McCarthy and Nils Frykdahl have shoved two kids (their own) and a nanny along with them in their tiny, enchanted stagecoach and the whole family’s literally taking the show on the road, traveling to venues across the US and the part of Canada everybody goes to. (Sorry, Saskatchewan, maybe next time.) Their last album, Light of a Vaster Dark (TMT Review), was released on Drag City back in 2010, so maybe there’s some new material on the way.

Then, later this summer, head faun Dawn McCarthy will be striking out on tour with Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy in support of their most recent release together, What the Brothers Sang. Released earlier this year, the album is a collection of covers of Everly Brothers tunes. The McCarthy/Billy tour sees the duo journeying up to Alaska and the Yukon Territories (!!!!!!) before dipping back down to the lower 48.

Bob Brozman was found dead at his home in Santa Cruz, CA in the evening of April 23, 2013.
Brozman, the steel-guitar innovator who got his start playing on the streets of Santa Cruz, died at age 59.

A legend in the world of blues and roots music who integrated styles from all around the world into his music, Brozman was one of the world’s most beloved musical figures. His uniquely bold playing style and banter with the audience at his live shows gave him the opportunity not just to
entertain with his sharp wit, but also challenge core assumptions about the function of rhythm and sound.

“Bob is beloved to me, and to so many in so many countries,” says longtime friend and pianist, George Winston. “His legacy will live on and will no doubt become the standard-bearer to musical innovators for decades to come.”

Get ready for some awkward conversations with your friends that end when someone angrily storms off to get more beer after saying, “No, no, it’s no big deal, I’m definitely not mad that we’re going to miss Grouper because you want to see some trendy garage rock band,” because Hopscotch has announced its 2013 lineup. Taking place in Raleigh, North Carolina from September 5 through September 7 and featuring almost 175 artists in 15 different venues, Hopscotch has a wide enough array of artists for anyone to get in a situation where they’re pissed at their friends for having such lame taste. Look forward to bickering over the costs and benefits of trying to get in front for artists like Big Boi, Sleep, Spiritualized, Foot Village, The Breeders playing Last Splash, Wolf Eyes, Pharmakon, Holly Herndon, John Cale, and countless others! You can check out the full list on the Hopscotch website.

In addition to more artists in one place than any one human could ever reasonably hope to see in a single weekend, there’s also going to be the big bonus threat of famed Japanese noise musician Merzbow lurking just out of your line of sight. The festival’s planners have reportedly already released Merzbow into the North Carolina countryside. He will spend the next several months stalking woodland creatures and hiding in caves, gathering his strength so that when he emerges in early September, he will be in peak physical condition to perform his duties as the festival’s “improviser in residence.” As the improviser in residence, in addition to his own solo set, Merzbow will wander around the festival collaborating both with artists and (probably) people standing in line at food trucks, which sounds awesome and terrifying. Awesome because I’ve always kinda wanted to hear what a Merzbow/Waxahatchee collab would sound like, and terrifying because absent any specific legal language, there’s really nothing to stop Merzbow from deciding that “improviser in residence” actually means “dude who runs around pranking everyone with shaving cream all weekend.”

But. Now it’s Thursday, April 25, and everything pretty much sucks again. Stones Throw has spilled the beans about the new Quasimoto thing, and it turns out that it’s not a new album by Lord Quas at all. It’s “12 tracks recorded over a roughly 12-year period” of rarities/unreleased stuff. Typical! But hey, at least it’s coming out June 18 on LP & CD (the LP comes with a bonus 7-inch), both of which feature some pretty cool artwork, including a “peel-off cover sticker revealing Quasimoto’s guts.” Oh, and pre-orders and digital versions are available right now from the Stones Throw site. Maybe that’ll make life interesting again for a couple hours? Or minutes? God, I hope so. There’s such a hole in my heart, readers.