I like boy things

I have a friend whose little boy, age 4, is starting to want to play more with “girl” toys. According to my friend, when they go to a store, he’s been bringing over “pink things”, and when there’s a toy that has a boy and a girl version, he’ll opt for the Barbie roller skates over Buzz Lightyear skates, and for whatever reason, it’s causing her slight concern.

“Amanda. He insisted on the Princess Hopper over the Cars Hopper. He loves the movie Cars, but nope he wanted the purple Princess Hopper.”

“Princess Hopper? Excuse me?” I had no idea what it was, but I refrained from making a joke about how that sounds incredibly healthy for a boy to want.

“It’s one of those bouncy balls you sit on and it has a handle…”

Ohhh, OK.

At this point, I wasn’t sure if she wanted my non-parent advice, or a friend to just vent to, so I didn’t say much else.

I’m sure some people could go crazy one way or another — either probing her with questions that may attempt to label her — “What are you worried about…huh?!” or, telling her what she should do/say to lure him away from the pink aisles. But, honestly — I think this was one of the few times I had/have zero opinion. I felt myself just shrugging. I mean, I’m not a parent, so maybe that’s a big reason why, but that’s never stopped me before (wink wink), so I think it’s just that I don’t care.

However, it did get me thinking later on. Her son is an only child, and there are no plans for a second child. So, I know that growing up as an only child, I had to have an imagination. All kids do, or should, but I had to really use mine – a lot.

And, looking back at pictures reminds me just how well-balanced I was when it came to playtime. I loved Barbie — so much — but I also loved my race car track that I begged for one year for Christmas. I loved Punky Brewster and Rainbow Brite…but I also loved Nintendoand my RC car…both toys I asked for, and received, with no hesitation. I enjoyed talking with the neighborhood girls about boys and nail polish while we rode our pink and purple bikes…but I also had fun dropping my bike and running to play baseball in the field (even if I wasn’t very good at all).

37 Responses

I have twin girls…one of them is a girly girl all the way, the other, well, up until recently (like last week) she was the biggest tomboy I knew. She wore boys clothes (down to the boxers), plays sports, loves to grill with her dad, and gets dirty in the mud whenever possible. But like I said, she’s beginning to turn a corner and is trying to find middle groung between her boy self and her girl self. I don’t care which one she settles on, I jusy want her to be happy with who she is!!

Many “girl” toys encourage girls to turn out vapid, shallow and brainwashed into thinking they need babies ASAP. I was always gently encouraged to play with gender-neutral toys like dinosaurs or Hot Wheels, and now I have a hard time relating to lots of women – and that’s fine by me!

Your friend is probably worried about bullying and gay-bashing in school when he reaches that age, which is legitimate – no one wants their kid getting picked on.

I was an only child, too, and I definitely had a good mix of both ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ toys AND interests. I think that there is a huge double-standard when it comes to little boys wanting to play with girl things. When I was little, it was okay to be a “tom-boy,” as they called it. I played in the mud, got dirty, scraped my knees, and played with K’nex over Barbies. Why is it ok for little girls to get the blue race car and have no one think anything of it, but when a little boy wants something pink or purple, it’s a red flag?

People don’t like to admit it, but I this behavior is linked to the child’s hormone levels and hormone levels passing through the womb during certain times. And it wouldn’t happen if things were all in balance healthwise. Stress, environmental exposure, eating and exercise habits all impact hormones, and it is really something for pregnant mothers to think about…especially if they have a real problem with having a butch daughter or a girly son someday. Because if they do, it could very well be their own fault. Controversial, but true.

A: “their own fault”?! You make it sound like having a “butchy daughter or a girly son” is a bad thing. Funny, I don’t see people saying it’s their fault that they’ve had an athletic child or a sensitive child…which is often another way of saying the EXACT SAME THING. How about we love and cherish all children instead of analyzing what we “did” to “make” them turn out that way?

Wow… it’s a terrible attitude to think that is a situation where you need to lay blame somewhere, or that her son liking “girl” toys is anyone’s “fault”. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Anyway… I can understand that parents might have a hard time adjusting to behavior from their kids that isn’t typically expected of their gender. But I hope she gives him enough leeway to explore his own interests rather than try to push him in one direction or another. It’s healthier for kids to work out their own identity rather than try to shape it for them.

I second Nikki’s comment. Why are purple and pink especially such off-limits colors for boys? Definite double standard.
I forget where I first saw that youtube video of that adorable little girl getting mad in the toy aisle because everything for girls is pink, but this situation reminds me of that.

Children will lean toward what they want, and they will play with it how they want.
We tried giving gender neutral toys to our kids. Didn’t work. He pretented the “squirt banana” was a gun. She pretended the dinosaurs were a loving and happy family. And they played with the cars & track, dominoes, games, ping pong table and such together.

My most requested toys were Barbies, books, & Legos. However, I have an older brother and older sister, so I was handed down equal amounts of toys geared towards each gender. I got a pink bicycle, but always wanted my brother’s black bicycle. There is a 5+ year span between myself & them, so I often played alone.

To this day, my favorite invented toy world as a child of 10 was to spend hours setting up my Barbie dream house & surrounding Lego village *just so* Prim, proper, pristine, pink, & purple.

Of course, I then proceeded to invade & pillage my perfect girly mansion village using my formerly brother’s GI Joes, Cowboys/Indians, Vikings & their assorted weaponry. They destroyed everything in their path (while Iron Maiden’s ‘Run To The Hills’ blared out of my brother’s stereo) The pink corvette did mow down a few of them, but they were zombie soldiers, so it was futile. Barbie & crew were POW’s with no access to glittery clothes. Barbie did get to enjoy her metal music & time alone with my Boba Fett action figure though.

Children are wonderful, no matter if they are gay, Down Syndrome, Aspergers, etc. And anybody can unknowingly be harming an unborn child. But, you know how people are about these things. It freaks them out.

Most parents who have a little boy putting on dresses all of the time are going to be harping on them every minute to play with something more boyish…probably ruining their childhood in the process.

Even though normal girls like cars and video games, they are not playing with the same fervor as boys do. Boys naturally tear around and slam their toys more than girls do. Sisters may pick up this behavior to copy the boys, but I don’t think they would be doing things like that if they weren’t constantly exposed to it. Also, girls might want to do “boy” things to be close to the boys…while boys have little interest in doing girl things to be close to the girls at very young ages.

My 4 year old son is all boy and loves his cars, trucks and dinosaurs. But when I picked him up at his preschool the other week, he was playing with a group of girls and was wearing a plastic necklace, bracelet, ring, clip on earrings and a tiara. I wish I had had my iPhone on me to take a picture because I thought he looked so adorable and silly. I don’t want to limit my son’s imagination or creativity by allowing him to play with toys that are only geared towards boys. You only have one childhood…let kids be kids!

Story of my life! My parents were very balanced in the toy department. Barbie was the absolute favorite (I’m still all about playing dress up today!) but we also had Tinker Toys and baby dolls and cars. I read Nancy Drew and loved video games of the Mario variety. Fun is fun!

People don’t let A. get you too worked up. Yes, hormone levels in the womb affect a child’s sexuality but no one quite knows how to control those factors. Plus to say that having a gay child is your “fault” (which suggests that it’s a bad thing and you’re being punished for something) is as nasty as it is untrue. That is so effed up, A.!

You’ve blogged a lot about parenting lately, and your perspective on these topics is great. I do have an opinion on this.

I know you’ve mentioned that you were a What Would You Do fan before on your blog. I’ve watched plenty of episodes and all of the scenarios that are played out are sometimes handled nicely by outsiders but mostly controversial. I remember the scenario when they had the little boy wanting to dress in princess clothes and do girly things while the father protested loudly at the toy store. I can’t find the clip online but I’m sure it’s on YouTube. Why not show the clip to your friend and say that it’s ok that your son likes girl things?

I think your friend is mostly afraid that her son will be teased about liking girl things when he goes to school. She should love her son, no matter how he turns out to be.

I used to watch Jurassic Park, Harry Potter, and other “boyish” movies. Doing things that normally guys ,or if you’re a guy- that normally girls, would do does not make you “different”.

When I was a child I wore my older brothers’ tee shirts, played baseball, and refused to wear anything close to resembling a dress. I played with dolls, but if I had my choice, I would have taken a nerf football over a barbie any day. I bemoaned that fact that there were not Mets tee shirts in the girls section at Caldor.

I still have tomboy traits, but I also wear dresses and make-up. Who you are as a child does not reflect who you will be as an adult.

Distinguishing between “boy” and “girl” toys is just stupid. There are only good (Lego, dolls, balls, stuffed animals) and bad toys (toy guns, cross-bows, transformer crap…).
I did have a big baby doll growing up and played with it a lot. The doll eventually was passed on to my younger (boy) cousin to play with. By that time I was more into stuffed animals which I still have today. My kids play with them now.

re “fault”…When the parent is harassing their child because they are different they should think twice.

I don’t think they know all of the reasons why the hormones get messed up, but they know some. I think by talking about it and investigating it more, they think they’d be setting the gay rights movement back a few decades. The problem is that sometimes there are medical conditions associated with these hormonal disruptions, and they should be studied more. Some studies even say excess testosterone in the womb is responsible for autism and ADD.

I was the girliest girl on earth as a child. Everything was pink and I went through a phase where I would ONLY wear dresses, preferably ones with “twirly skirts” — where the skirt part with woosh around if I twirled in a circle. I threw a fit at my fourth birthday party because I wearing a dress made of denim and was “underdressed.” Apparently I got it all out of my system then, because I grew up to be a total tom boy and am SO not girly now at all.
During my teenage years I hated having to babysit for families with girls because I hated playing house, or doing other girly things with them. I was able to relate to the little boys games, and had more fun playing with them.
I don’t think anything anyone is doing at age four is worth stressing out about. Things change. A lot.

My opinion is that your friend’s little guy is probably drawn to the purple color more than the “princess” aspect of the toy.

My now 23 year old son had a variety of toys as a child, including a Cabbage Patch doll who happened to look like him and have his initials. He also played hockey, video games and read books. He was allowed to have any toy I could afford except for guns, knives, or weaponry that was not “Nerf”.

For me, I don’t remember my toys as much as playing outside, climbing trees, playing baseball, kickball, and touch football in the field behind our house. It was “kids” playing, not boys or girls…

When my son was around 4 he loved Ariel from the Little Mermaid. He used to go around “singing” like her and asked for an Ariel doll. We got it for him. He carried it everywhere for about 3 months. He then moved on to Pokemon. He is now 16 and loves basketball, video games and music (he’s a big Dead Mau5 and Skrillex fan).

Your friend should not worry about it. Kids go through phases and at that young age they do not invest as much in gender “roles” as adults do.

Let him play with whatever he wants to (as long as it meets your other requirements – age appropriate, safety etc.)

My older son went to a preschool where the toys were never labeled girl or boy. They were encouraged to Play with everything. We were ok with it. When mcDonalds does the kids toy, he will ask for the girl toy sometimes. I asked him why and he said, I’m tired of getting a car or truck everytime. The girl toys are stickers, drawing pads, a stamper or a bag to put his Pokemon cards. My older son is very bright, his mind is always going, so the truck goes back and forth, no challenge. His favorite color has changed over the years, currently its dark purple. I’m ok with him. He thinks Selena Gomez is pretty and has a crush on her. I’m not worried. As long as he grows up healthy and feeling secure, I’m happy. My sister and her husband didn’t agree with whole neutral toy thing, no neutral toy playing. My boys are passive and good boys. Hers fight like hell with eAch other. So I think letting children have a variety of toys is good.

Confused, you are over-simplifying. There are different stages in development of a fetus where different things are ya know…being worked on by God or whoever. Hormone fluctuations at key times…especially in those who are more sensitive (genetically or via other factors) to these fluctuations can bring about various different things. Just like we know certain things cause cancer, but for some reason, some people exposed to these things don’t get it.

Amanda, remember in this society, girly boys are looked upon badly, but girls who are tomboys are not looked upon badly. It is a horrible thing that a girl can play with boy toys without being ridiculed, but a boy cannot play with girl toys.

You handled the situation very well. It is clear that your friend loves her son, but is worried about the ramifications of having a boy who plays with girl toys. She may not care, but most people will make comments.

in support of A, or to reinforce or whatever and not really contribute anything to the blog topic… My wife is due in August. We had an OB/GYN appointment this past tuesday. We talked about stress because my wife has been busy with work The OB didn’t bring out journals or cite sources, but she very confidently told us that mom stress levels have shown a direct correlation with sexuality.

also, to stir the pot and, again, not actually contribute to the topic at hand. We are choosing NOT to circumcise. It’s 100% unnecessary and I can’t imagine surgically cutting off a functioning, biological part of my baby’s anatomy. I’m cut, but my baby will not be. To each his own, but when you start to read up and educate yourself about it… circumcision is weird.

Not only that, but it is well-established that inactivity and poor eating habits (too many carbs) can cause elevated testosterone levels in women which inhibits ovulation. I don’t see why those same bad habits practice during pregnancy would not have the same testosterone-raising result. And yes, stress as well. The field of medicine would rather medicate you and charge you for IVF than emphasize these issues and walk you through them. And again, talking too much about this would hurt the gay rights movement. Imagine treating “gayness” as a physical ailment that can be prevented.