I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies.
I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing.
Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture.
Enjoy!

Monday, May 23, 2005

Till death do us part..

I spent this weekend at a cousin's wedding. It was one of those traditional Konkani GSB do's complete with the bride wearing the equivalent of Zambia's GDP in gold around her neck (and arms and waist and hair). I swear, most of Kimberley, South Africa's deposits seem to be in Konkani safe-deposit lockers. We're not a diamond/pearl-wearing folk though. Though every Konkani matron has her hexagonal diamond earings (and a pair for her daughter too..when she gets married).

Watching my cousin and his bride go through all the marriage rituals, I (as I often do) found myself imagining my future while making the usual non-comfirming indistinct sounds everytime some "pachi" or "mai" asked when I was planning on getting hitched. It was the usual self-pitying, depressing image that I get when I think of my life post-30.

Will I ever watch adoringly as my beloved gets dressed up for me? Will I ever be the center of attraction while my friends and family (all 1000 of them) watch approvingly? Will I get to perform time-hallowed rituals that send chills down my spine as I watch? Will I ever be allowed to promise undying love and partnership to the person I love with societal approval? Will I be blessed by my elders and blush as they talk about how many kids I'll have? Will I watch my parents beam as they welcome a new addition to the family? Will I watch my sister run around making sure everything is the way it should be? Will I watch her play around with my beloved teasing and joking? Will I smile at her when she lines my eyes with "kaajal" and offers me a sweet? Will I threaten to leave the wedding and become a monk and laugh as my in-laws lure me back with details of the pleasures of married life?

Will I watch the married women of the family gather around to bless the articles used in the wedding? Will I watch my mother hold pride of place? Will I get goosebumps as I walk around the holy fire making the most beautiful vows I have ever heard? Will I pledge to be a faithful and honest lover, partner and friend? Will I wait in expectation for the wedding veil to fall and to be able to garland my beloved to the sounds of applause? Will I be able to play silly, flirty games to shrieks of laughter of the younger members of the family? Will I be able to, with my partner, seek blessings form everyone older than me by touching their feet?

Will they bless me and be happy for me?

Probably not.

This is the burden I will live under till I become too old to care. I want to have a family and kids too. Yeah, it's probably not what most people think constitues a family...but I want to be happy too. I want my people to know me and love me for what I am and want. It's gonna be hard - the next 10 years of my life.

It's funny. Most people dread making a commitment like this. Yet, they deny people like me the choice to make the same commitment. Still, I suppose it's a good thing I'm Hindu. I love the philosophy of "Find your own path to happiness". I strive to....everyday.

Random website:http://www.time.com/time/2005/100movies/index.htmlTime Magazine's list of 100 Greatest movies of all time. I'm glad to see so manymovies I know and love among the list. New Monsoon plan - Watch all 100 of these by the end of the rains. What fun!

Current Music:Dhadak Dhadak - Bunty aur Babli(It's a crime how much I love this song)

12 Comments:

if at all i could tell you...how many times the same goes over my head....

but dont worry..as every thing else..this shall also lead somewhere.........

people blessing and having fun is not important...it would be great fun too if everything happens like that. But most importantly its important that your beloved gives you the vow..of undying love...societal approval of vow doesnt matter if the vows doesnt last.....

having the beloved is important and most importantly the beloved loving you is imoprtant. But in life you love the one whom u cant have....

But belive that you shall have your love ... the beloved...just smile on that. because if you are true..you will........

dhadak dhadak rocks.....if u were with me..i wud have sat in the front stall and whistled with the "dhichik dhichik" lights in a mumbai hall.....i like the kajrare song too...

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About Me

I'm tall, dark and handsome (OK..my mum says so..). I'm also
cheerful, talkative and wicked silly when I feel like it. I always pay extra at an airport for the emotional baggage I'm carrying. My attitude to life and love can be best summarized by the Pet Shop Boys song "What have I done to deserve this?". No I'm NOT Jewish.
I speak 7 languages yet can't answer the question "Where do you see this going?". I find myself singing old Goan *mandos* about unrequited love while I'm at a hiphop club. Yeah. I'm weird like that.