Turned on but Confused

I came to this site because of the direction my relationship has gone over the past year. I have been with my girl, R, for about 13 years. I had started to get bored with the relationship and wasn't spending much time with R even though she had made a huge effort to maintain our relationship. In short and in retrospect, while she never stopped loving me I had started to treat her pretty poorly. It had gotten to the point that we were likely going to break-up. R, who is very sexy was pretty depressed about the situation and the idea of being in her 40s and single after so long. At the suggestion of a friend R put a profile on Tinder and very quickly met someone, P, who took a strong interest in her which is exactly what she needed. Unbeknownst to me at the time they met a few times over about a month at various hotels for sex and companionship.

After they had been together for about a month, with the thought of being alone and missing R and her companionship I decided I wanted to give our relationship another try. She agreed. And within a week or so I discovered that she was seeing P. While I was really hurt by the affair I understood it given how our relationship had deteriorated. When I confronted R about it she said she was not going to stop seeing P until she was confident that our relationship was back on track. I was angry but strangely turned on. R had never asserted herself in our relationship like this and the fact that she chose this issue to do it on was mind-blowing.

She also laid out other conditions... which was essentially was the boss and I would do what I was told. Throughout our entire relationship I was entirely dominant both in and out of the bedroom so this new assertive and confident R was entirely new for me. The changes started to slow but the biggest thing I had to get used to was R telling me she had a date with P and she wouldn't be home until late. I couldn't (and still can't) believe that I am in this situation right now but it has proved to be an amazing turn on for me. At first she had a rule that she wouldn't have sex with us both in the same day but that quickly changed. One night she was out on a date with him (in a hotel) and she texted me that she wanted me to wait up for her. She got in at about 2 am, came into the bedroom and told she wanted me to clean her pussy, I was a little confused for a moment, and she just matter of factly said "eat it." And as I started to she started telling me all about fucking P that night and all the things they did together - it drove me wild. The changes in her were unbelievable and I had a feeling P may have been putting ideas in her head. That started to be a regular thing. She'd come home, I'd clean her up, she'd come one more time and simply go to sleep leaving me unattended.

At some point shortly after this she took the collar and nipple clamps (that I used to make her wear) and put them on me and she gave me a cock ring. At first, she told me I needed to wear them to have sex with her. As she continued to assert her dominance in this way she would always do it while reminding me how terrible I had been to her in our relationship and this would show her my commitment. So I went along. Even out of the bedroom she would command me (simple stuff like serving her dinner, showering with her so I could wash her etc.). One day after about 2 months of this she told me that P was coming over for dinner and I would cook and serve them. That night after dinner she told me to make up the room for them and they went in and I could hear them fucking. This started to be weekly thing.

One night R told me that I would serve them dinner naked with my collar, clamps and cock ring. I was stunned by it ended up being an amazing turn on and it became a regular thing. Then R told me after dinner one night that I was to watch P fuck her. Again, I couldn't believe this is where my relationship is now but I feel powerless to stop it. For a few weeks I would sit on a chair by the bed and watch R suck his cock, ride him, and watch him fuck her. He would often pull out and jerk himself off on her and R would tell me to get a towel and clean her up. After he left I was still to lick her pussy clean.

The most confusing part of this for me came about a few weeks ago when R said that from then on I was to also do what P said, if he wanted anything, needed anything I was to just do it. That night, they fucked, I watched, he pulled out and came on her belly. He rolled off her and said "clean her up" and I reached for the towel and he said "with your mouth." I've never done anything like this before and I looked at R hoping she would say I didn't have to and she was just laughing and she said "do what he says." So I licked his cum off her with both of them laughing and rather than feeling humiliated I was again so turned on. The next night he also came over and the same thing happened... after I licked his cum off her, he said "you want to taste her pussy?" and I said yes and he said well you can suck it off my cock. And I did. Again, I have never done this before and don't know how I got here or where it will end. I have come to realize that P is bi-sexual so my role here is a huge turn on for him.

The last time he was here (last week) R had him pull out and come right in my mouth with her holding my head down on him. I feel like this relationship is nothing like what it was, I don't think I want this, but I am so turned on by it I don't see how I can leave. Originally I didn't want to end the relationship because of R but this is not who we were. I feel like a cuck slave in my own home.