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Diagnosed with depression earlier today.

How was your hallmark holiday everyone?

Well, I open my eyes and I see things. I've seen spirits moving through the walls. I've seen a vortex coming through the wall. I've seen amorphous little balls of light bouncing all around in the front yard through the window. I've seen giant bugs on the floor. I was in a hotel room in Amarillo, Texas, and all I remember is standing on the bed and seeing the whole wall in front of me filled with lights that were [makes popping sound] popping like popcorn out of the wall. Then I'll wake up and I go "Wow, I was standing on my bed and staring at this wall."

Okay. I've been pondering what's happened to me today and where I'm going to go with it. After the appointment, it took me a while to even remember why I had bothered to get a professional opinion in the first place, because I was never going to take anti-depressants (even if they were prescribed to be); I'd be terrified of the general potential side-effects; having my creativity impaired; having my personality altered or just (as I've seen happen to some friends of mine struggling with depression) becoming a zombie.

I suppose it was two reasons. One, I needed closure for my erratic behaviour over the last eighteen months. A lot if if is conveniently explained by a serotonin deficiency, which is a much better hypothesis for acting out socially than just me losing it completely (although to be fair I'm pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown midway through 2013). The diagnosis feels a lot more surprising than I think it should, considering I sort of already knew I suffered from depression. The only good thing that's come from this in the immediate aftershock is the second reason: my novel. I mentioned in the other thread that it deals with social isolationism in the advent of the technological age, which is true, but it also touches on the world as viewed by one of its depressed inhabitants... who doesn't know he's depressed. The problem with the story was it ended on its tenth chapter with no real resolution, a rather French ending. I love those types of tales, but I don't think an approach like this would do it justice. Truth be told, I simply hadn't lived long enough to write the eleventh, final chapter. I know how the novel ends now.

I'm dealing with another social crisis. Namely who I should tell I have depression. My best friends - the ones who had to look after me during my worst moments - probably deserve to know, as well as all of my various love interests whose hearts I've broken over the last few years (and vice versa). But I don't know if I should tell anyone. I don't want to be labelled 'that guy'. I've always had depression, it's only official now - I don't want people treating me differently, you know?

Originally Posted by Kelsh

Same. But I also have been diagnosed with Bipolar, Anxiety, OCD, and heart issues.

I had dinner at some French wine bar and got a massage then smoked. It was nice.

Aw that's tough, Kelsh, your posts would never have given me the idea you have to deal with so much.

I work part-time now, and I'm worried it's doing more harm for me than good. Last week I convinced my friend to go to the university bar with me. We had a few pints and I suggested we go back to his house with a shoulder of vodka in tow. We downed it in about twenty minutes and headed back to the bar to meet up with some friends. Everything is a blur after that.

The night after, I went to a girl's nineteenth birthday party (I've had sexual relations with her before). We had been snap chatting during the week leading up to it (she's attending university in another part of the country so we couldn't get together when we got together) and I assumed I was in, but when I went, I just got twisted and pulled her best friend instead, presumably breaking her heart. I really need to hit her up and apologise. Her best friend is in my college course; she texted me to apologise the following morning. I didn't even bother responding, haha.

It's not easy being slightly above average in the looks department guys.

Its hilarious to think that officially the only thing wrong with me is a slight learning disability.

Anyway, I say this with all ignorance, but is there perhaps an underlying reason for your depression? I don't know if I was clinically depressed, but I was 'sad' for a long ass time and it was only once I embraced my trans-ness that I felt better and like I was starting to get control of my life.

Is there perhaps something you keep on purposely pushing into the depths of your mind Lord that is eating you up inside?

Well to be honest Lotd, you've always seemed to be a bit if a pompous ass and I'm sure the depression only serves to excacerbate the most negative aspects. Just do what the rest if the world does. Your a smart guy and can figure out when it's socially expected to act a certain way so just fake it. Just push down all your unhappy thoughts, bury em deep like the British and keep up appearances. People have been doing it for hundreds if years why stop now? Oh but look in to doing something about your rampant alcoholism. I know you're Irish but damn man.

I currently take 100mg of Zoloft for my OCD/anxiety/depression/etc., and while it's helped me at least a little bit, I still have a long ways to go before I get to a position where it isn't totally affecting my life. I actually went to see a psychiatrist because my mom thought he'd help me out like that other psychiatrist did at Sloan-Kettering, but he ended up recommending me to see a psychologist instead because what I have wasn't very serious, especially considering I've been taking Zoloft since last September.

i'm depressed and they've given me 100 mg of sertraline. it prevents my body from absorbing serotonin too quickly, thus having it in my system longer throughout the day. i've also been given Prazosin for my nightmares. it lowers my blood pressure and lowers anxiety (which could be causing my nightmares) it's been helping but the Prazosin prescribed at 1 MG cap. i was suppose to take 3 every night, but shit was way too strong.
now i take 1 capsule a night, but doesn't work well with my nightmares.... it keeps me in a nightmare and i don't feel that rested... oh well.

well, you should see how you actually are on medication and then tell your psychologist what you don't like about it. s/he should be able to find another drug to prescribe that would work better for you.

We at war with the army of haters And when we kill em we just smoke 'em like papers.

Join Date

Apr 2006

Posts

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Originally Posted by Lord

Aw that's tough, Kelsh, your posts would never have given me the idea you have to deal with so much.

Your night sounds lovely though.

Yup I also was kicked out and am homeless. But life goes on. Seriously don't worry too much man life is life. I was hospitalized for depression/anxiety and seeing the others there made me realize my life is 10x easier then others. At least I have a phone and car. It's all I have but it's pretty good.

We at war with the army of haters And when we kill em we just smoke 'em like papers.

Join Date

Apr 2006

Posts

11,033

Also I've learned alcohol does not help. I used to drink myself to sleep. I'm not even legally allowed to buy alcohol yet lol. But seriously it causes more harm then good unfortunately. It caused me to lose friends and lose my virginity to some pig and I don't even remember losing my virginity. I drink on occasion now and smoke for my nerves. Also I take sertaline and hydroXizine (tranquilizer/anti anxiety) for my panic attacks and it's wonderful

Like I said Altmaster, you're a smart guy. If you can do the no fap challenge you can do the no booze one, and Leo's right. It make take a couple of tries to get a medication that doesn't fuck you over. We went through about 6 different things before we got the right thing for aloras ADHD

Also I've learned alcohol does not help. I used to drink myself to sleep. I'm not even legally allowed to buy alcohol yet lol. But seriously it causes more harm then good unfortunately. It caused me to lose friends and lose my virginity to some pig and I don't even remember losing my virginity. I drink on occasion now and smoke for my nerves. Also I take sertaline and hydroXizine (tranquilizer/anti anxiety) for my panic attacks and it's wonderful

Honestly though Kelsi I wouldn't get so hung up about losing your virginity to a nobody. I'm not saying you are all torn up inside about it but I'm just saying I wouldn't put all that much mind into it. We have all been sexually "impure" for a VERY long time and the only thing even close to virginity having any meaning is that it is a physical symbol of "purity" which is already arbitrary. The whole idea, in my opinion, of having that physical act done the first time in a special context really doesn't hold all that much value anymore if you have already done things with people you cared about in past.

Honestly guys I'm sorry you are all going through some nasty shit right now. I mean I'm dealing with a crappy break up and all but it's a little easier to get through my day with having a stable job, income, and female company at nights and the weekends. All that being said I hope all your situations improve because regardless on how big of a d-bag I can be on the net I honestly do wish you all well and believe truly you have value and deserve respect and deserve to be loved.

Your an absolutely wonderful man, any girl that is yours is lucky and I know that from personal experience. ~KMT