The California Hamster Organization (Suggested alternate name: Hamsters, Motherfucker™) have accused Justin Bieber of animal cruelty after he gave his little buddy Pac away to a particularly enthused fan. Their objections are that hamsters "often succumb quickly to illness and death," especially when faced with "sudden environmental change," adding solemnly, "The moment that hamster was handed off to a screaming girl in a harsh, frenzied environment was likely the moment it gazed at the short path to its doom." THE VERY MAWS OF DOOM, Y'ALL.

Back in October when Bieber got Pac, a concerned soul at MTV voiced her own objections to letting B33bo bring a new animal into his life: "I have some concerns about Justin's new friend. I mean, Justin did auction off his last pet, Johnson the snake."

Happily, the hamster is fine and healthy under the care of the lucky Belieber, an 18-year-old girl named Tori who treats Pac like a "god." [TMZ]

First those pictures of Coco
—one half of the holy matrimonial unit that is Ice-T
and Coco—emerged of her being all sexy with rapper AP.9
at a nightclub emerge, and now this, which is just no, what the fuck, I hate it:

"AP.9 has been bragging that he has photos of Coco with him in a private room in Vegas, and that in some of them she's on a bed, totally naked! He's been putting feelers out to see if people want to buy the pictures and he's claiming they're really salacious and that a LOT more happened with Coco than just them posing in a night club."

Lindsay Lohan, who at this point everyone should know is anathema when free stuff is concerned, agreed to appear on Bravo's Million Dollar Decorators in exchange for $200,000 worth of new furniture. Of course, she didn't show up for the taping, and now everyone is pissed. Also, this, from designer Kathryn Ireland: "I didn't know who [Lohan] was when I met her. It was only when she said to her sister, ‘Wouldn't you love a mother like her?' that I thought ‘How rude' and turned to someone and [asked]." God, that feels so right.

Every time someone talks about celebrity homes I think of that guy who did the Robin Leach knockoff voice on VH1's The Fabulous Life Of... ("HOW MUCH DOES IT COST FOR AN OTTOMAN MADE OF COCAINE? TWO HUNDRED—MILLION—DOLLARS.") [Page Six]

The New York Post would have you believe that this is how Katie Holmes flirts: "twirling her hair with one leg up." And this is who she was supposedly flirting with: a "finance type" in a Cole Haan jacket to whom she was saying "a long, long goodnight, talking and looking pretty romantic in [her] lobby around 2 a.m." However, the rumors were quashed as the guy turned out to be her gay best friend. I think that happened on Will & Grace on one episode. Or like, every episode. Whatever, I'm really just in it for the hamster journalism. [NYDN]

Jessica Simpson wants you to know that Weight Watchers makes you feel "so in control, and so free at the same time." Being skinny makes you want to twirl around in the desert until you fall on a cactus. That's just science. [NYDN]

Also, no word on whether Simpson has met her goal weight and received that promised $3 million.

Tim Tebow and actress Camilla Belle, are le fin. Their reps had a flowery, verbose statement on the matter: "It just didn't work out." Oh wellllll. As Alvy Singer said, we need the eggs. [Us Weekly]