I just realised I have the same relationship with IKEA as I do with KFC.

Like I know it’s both shit and I can go for a year or more without thinking about or wanting KFC (IKEA) then I have a brain snap and think “I need to get me some of that Southern (Scandinavian) goodness! Get some 12 herbs & spices (self assembly) into me. Look at the people in the ads – they’re all happy / having fun. This’ll be good.”

But then afterwards I’m left with that same empty, greasy, bowels not quite right feeling (wonky piece of furniture) that something bad has happened but I don’t know what – like a date with Bill Cosby.