When we received a reminder from the NHL about last night's NHL 36, a docu-reality show featuring Patrick Kane, the nice PR person predicted that we would make fun of him. (I can't imagine why!) Before we had a chance, Kane scored a shootout clincher that makes us want to take back every joke we've ever made, and replace it with a headline reading "Patrick Kane sought for rape of Niklas Backstrom."

Oh Kaner. We take a lot of shit for giving you shit, but you keep giving us shit to give you shit…
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We saved you the time of counting the moves. After he crossed the blue line, it's 14 stick handles and then the shot on a wide open net as Backstrom can do nothing but weep softly for the injustice of it all.