Ferdinand loses court case to get model to kiss and tell

Rio Ferdinand today lost his high court battle to get a model who he claims to have had 'relations' with to tell all in the Sunday Mirror. It is believed that Mr. Ferdinand has told all his friends and team-mates that he has slept with the model, who can't be named for legal reasons, but they all refuse to believe him.

Rio Ferdinand's lawyer told reporters outside the High Court that his client "went to great lengths to pull the lady in question. It is only fair that a man can tell his friends of his achievement and get the back slapping and cheers he deserves. My client had unfortunate accident as a child involving an ugly stick which resulted in his strange looks. So to get in to bed with a pretty lady is something he is extremely proud of and something he believes his family can be proud of. But untill this lady sells her story and admits what happened, nobody will believe him".

A friend of the model told us, "She is not proud of her actions. In the cold light of day she regrets what she did and does not want everyone to know. If her name was associated with sleeping with Rio Ferdinand, her career would be over. Not even Max Clifford could help her"

It court it was revealed that Ferdinand's team-mates, including Ryan Giggs, had bullied him for being the only overpaid footballer not to have had an affair. Ferdinand even had to put up with John Terry and Ashley Cole gloating when on England duty. But the final straw came when granny grabber Rooney joined in. That's when Rio felt he had to do something, or someone. That is when the alleged sexual encounter happened, but due to his ugly problems, it is thought by most of his friends think he imagined the whole thing.

We asked for a comment from Ferdinand himself but he refused to comment. Alex Ferguson also continued his boycotting us after we outed him as a morris dancer