Saturday, November 14, 2009

If you don't know by now, then you OBVIOUSLY don't listen to the news.

And it's not this whole, 'finding water on the moon' thing!(which HAS to be true... SPACE.com reported it was. That's the official website of outer space!)

Yesterday will be forever locked into history as...

Vinny Testaverde's Birthday

Vinny T.Gah, what a guy.

Three cheers for him:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Why?

The man played 21 years in the NFL. I'm sorry, what?!

Don't think that's impressive? Let's look at this at a different angle then.

Let's say you marry this chick (or boy for all our female readers) the night Vinny T. wins the Heisman Trophy in 1986. By the time he gets drafted first overall by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, you find out you're wife is 4 months preggers (I don't know why you wouldn't find out any sooner? Too caught up in Vinny's poor showing in the 1987 Fiesta Bowl, but we won't talk about that) which means you guys are having a honeymoon baby!

By the time Vinny T. starts his first season with the Buccaneers, your beautiful son is born.

It's now August 1988. Look at that, Vinny T. is getting the first of many career starts in the NFL and your son is one year old. Gotta love the 80s!

In his first year, your son poops a lot, wakes you up from deep sleeps crying, and just annoys the crap out of you. Ironically, Vinny Testaverde does the same throwing for 13 touchdowns and 35 interceptions with a 47.6% completion rate.

However, as the years went on Vinny T. begins to mature, as does your son.

In 1992, after your sons 6th birthday, Testaverde improves to 14 touchdowns with only (I say that lightly) 16 interceptions. It is after this year that you and your family decide to move to Cleveland.

Ironically, so does Vinny T. (Small world!)

He signs as an unrestricted free agent in 1992 with the Browns.

In 1998, you move to New York and your son, after turning twelve, makes you the most proud you've ever been of him. Vinny T. also makes fans the happiest they have ever been of him. He throws for 29 TDs and only 7 INTs with a 101.6 QB Rating.

The next year, Vinny tears his Achilles tendon and is out for the year. Your son? You send him to boarding school for the year.

Speaking of school, as the years went on you son slowly starts to do worse with his grades. Especially in high school starting in 2002. Of course, it didn't help that you and your family were moving every few years! He couldn't get settled.

Same for Vinny. From 2002 to 2007 he played for four different teams.

Since your son's grades were slipping, he wasn't able to graduate high school. He stayed in high school a lot longer than he probably should have. Just like Vinny in the NFL. In 2007, when he finally retired, Vinny was the second oldest starting quarterback in NFL history at the age of 44 years old.

Your son also had a record in 2007, at the age of 21 he was the second oldest person to still be in high school. Second only to Billy Madison. But heck, your son was able to make a a lot of friends since he was the only person in the high school who able to legally buy booze.

Aren't you proud of your son? You raised him to become a 21 year old high school student and mimicked his life after the career of Vinny Testaverde.

So all this to say, Vinny Testaverde had 21 years in the NFL.

Vinny, we here at Korked Bats appreciate you and all you have done for the game of football. You are probably asking: "Korked Bats, what the heck has Vinny T. done for the game of football?"

What The Heck Is 'Korked Bats'?

Literally:In one word, korked bats are a misspelled rendition of something that is illegal. People cork the inside of their bats to make the ball travel further upon contact.

To Us: In just over one word, Korked Bats is the correctly spelled title of a blog that is so good it ought to be illegal. Korked Bats is a blog dedicated to not only sports, but to help bring out the comedic side of sports.

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Korked Bats Disclaimer:

The writers and owners of Korked Bats do not condone or support corked (or korked) bats in any way. The idea of corking a bat is wrong and should not be done by anyone of any sport... This includes you, Sammy.