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SexyPrime's Taboo Survey

November 27, 2011

In January 2010, I ran the results of SexyPrime’s Taboo Sex Survey—the most popular sex survey I’ve done. New readers are still finding the survey and sending in their responses. I’m putting together an update for January 2012. (If I’m not able to complete it, TinaMarie Bernard will finish for me, post here and on her blog, Modern Love Musings.) Tinamarie and I have very different voices and styles, but we share a reverance for sexuality and respect for our readers' privacy.

If you haven’t filled out the survey—and even if you have, but want to report on new practices, a shift in attitude—forget the Christmas card list and do it!

Maybe there should be a new category for Acting Out Porn Fantasies. Some of the stories about attempts at DP, double penetration, are hilarious. (Wait, was that supposed to be a hot game?)

And maybe another category for Double Lives, the cowed husband using a fake name on Facebook and other sites to engage women in heated fantasies and explicit picture/video exchanges. (Yes, I wrote about that firsthand. See Diary of an Affair.)

Over a decade ago, when I wrote KINK: The Hidden Sex Lives of Americans, I noted that kinky practices were out of the closet and into the mainstream. That is even more true now. Tell me your dirty little secrets, readers. You know I love to hear them.

For inspiration, read the individual stories from the Taboo Sex Survey--

July 23, 2011

Take your mind off the heat by getting hotter, reading about taboo sex.

Oh, is it Hot, Hot, Hot on the East Coast (and Midwest) this weekend. Where is the suave Buster Poindexter, drummer Tony Machine and their conga line when we need them?

The Taboo Sex Survey remains the most popular survey done on SexyPrime. Men and women are still sending me their responses to the questionnaire. I think I'll do an update soon.

The survey results post also has links to the sex taboo stories that ran all that week, beginning with my own, "Sleeping with my Cousin." (Since I have recently sworn off writing about my own sex life, consider that piece a vintage.)

Pour something cold, turn up the AC--and enjoy.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

January 31, 2010

“Taboo?That’s a perfume, isn’t it? Or a men’s fragrance?Oh, you mean sex stuff that’s forbidden. Yeah, I’ve heard about some of those,” white married man in his forties.

“Taboos?No.I have a set of personal rules I sometimes break,” a “hot Latino babe, 28.”

SexyPrime readers aren’t pushing the sexual envelope. That envelope is open. Of the 312 respondents to theSexyPrime Taboo Sex Survey,a mere 25 made censorial comments as their answers to some questions. (“…anal sex is disgusting”, “people who use whips should be locked up”, “Isn’t group sex against the law? It should be.”) Most of you said, I like this, I don’t like (or have an inclination to try) that. Exactly. I don’t eat sushi, but I don’t judge you if you do. Once again, three-fourths of respondents were age 22-44—but two of my most articulate and adventurous regular survey-takers are men in their fifties, one white and one African American. Overall, the answers to the questions were so similar that breaking them down into sections laced liberally with quotes—my usual survey report style—didn’t seem like the most interesting way to cover the topic.

A few observations and conclusions:

33% said they have “personal rules” not taboos—with the number one rule being “No sex with bosses or co-workers,” a rule that is violated every day, of course. Other rules concerned protecting their partners from discovering an affair, using condoms and codes of conduct for BDSM or group sex play.

Women overwhelmingly said: no sex in another woman’s bed, no sex in the kid’s beds.

Forty percent of white men said they had paid for sex at least once—typically on business trips. Twenty percent of black men, thirty percent of Asian-Americans and only 10% of Latinos had. Fifty to sixty percent of male respondents from Europe, India, Australia, the Virgin Islands and Africa have paid for sex. No women in the survey had—though one woman said, “If you are Sugar Mama to your man, you are paying for sex; you just don’t call it that.”

Only three white women admit to having sex with a relative. {“But reading about your experience with your distant cousin has convinced me to pay more attention to the cousins at the next wedding.” “Maybe my Catholic upbringing comes in a little here but I do love incest erotica even if I’ve never met a cousin (or other close relative) that seemed to turn me on. Maybe I just have not-all-that-attractive relatives—and maybe I’m a bit of a frog myself.”)

Twenty-five percent—mostly white women and black men— have had interracial sex. But another 60% said it wasn’t taboo. (“I haven’t had the opportunity yet, but ladies of color, I’m a young white man in Iowa who would be very receptive to your charms.”) Eighty percent of African American women said: Yes, it is a taboo.

Group sex? Threesomes? BDSM? A quickie in a public rest room? Not taboo, just a matter of personal preferences. Extramarital affair? Younger partner after divorce? Sexually liberating experiences—especially for women. Readers, is nothing dirty anymore?

Several readers wrote about anal sex experiences that turned messy. (The two included in the posts below are funnier than the famous Tucker Max story.) That honesty is appreciated. (If you have anal intercourse after a big meal, you may be sorry.) Anal sex looks so good in porn because the women had one or more enemas the night before, ate nothing before going on set, squirted anal syringes of lubricant up their anuses and wore a butt plug prior to the action. Once again I say: Men, you just don’t roll her over and “slip it in” the way the actors appear appear to do. If you have missed the special Taboo Sex Week stories, here they are:

January 29, 2010

An African American woman, single and age 30, wrote this in her response to the SexyPrime Taboo Sex Survey:

"The two biggest taboos for women of color I would say is anal sex & blow jobs! For me, I'd say blow a cock once in awhile & try anal sex at least once or twice. The taboo in my opinion has a lot to do with social & "Cougar" status.

"Women of color that are in their "Cougar" status tend to be more close minded as oppose to the younger generation (ages 33 & younger). They do not feel its too taboo as they (some) will suck a cock & take it up the pooh in a heartbeat!

"In my experience, re: "up the pooh"(anal sex), it was painful the first few times we tried it as he was hung like a horse (which made it hard to relax)! We could only get the head in. I also liked him to do it dry and enter from the creme hole angle (sorta like what every woman/girl should know, wipe from back to front) but he wasn't going from the pooh hole to the creme hole. It was just a little easier for me. I liked it better without lubrication or wetness from the creme pie!

"The night it got thru, oh my goodness, I was able to relax my muscles and it was wonderful although we had to do it slow. As he was trying to ride the pooh hole like he was in the creme hole. The creme hole was getting wetter & wetter with each stroke. He notice I was enjoying it because I was throwing it back. He was kissing me on my neck from the back which was arousing me more & more, before I knew it, I was damn near riding it backwards as I was so lost in it that I didn't notice he was laying down as I took charged.

"He seemed like he fell I love. He was feenin' for another pooh hole episode but as I said before it isn't that easy so I would tell him, only once a month so if we did it now! Don't ask later in the month.

"The last time we did it in the pooh hole was when we were in the park after dark & wanted to be adventurous! We were getting it in heavy & I telling him to calm down as he was getting lost & before you know it I shitting all over us! Mind you, I had to go to work afterwards, I was so upset but also tickled inside because I warned him before that if kept going fast when I asked to go slow, he was going to have a shitty stick & I literally shit was on his stick. He eve had to laugh about it.

"I haven't done it in years but I was so surprised that creme hole could get so wet & learned that it made the sex better on occasions! Just has to be the right time.

"Giving head I learned how to give great head with the "hung horse". I noticed that when I was able to get it in the back of my throat without gagging it made my mouth more wet & aroused me too. At that moment, I notice I was sucking cock lover, which most women of color wouldn't admit to but just like other race of women, they love to give head too.

"That too I haven't done in a long while but for sure writing this brought back some memories."

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

January 28, 2010

The reader is a married man in his forties; and he was married during the affair he describes.

"Do I have any taboos?

"Only as a sort-of mental shopping list for things that I’ve heard or read about but haven’t had an opportunity to try yet. My experience is that kinky is good and sometimes the kinkier the better so don’t rule it out until you’ve tried it and found it un-arousing. Hey, what can I say, bodily fluids used to freak me out a little but I soon learned that a woman isn’t likely gonna swallow your come if you don’t show a willingness to go down on her right after you come inside her and/or deep kiss her while her mouth is still half full. Get over it! It’s a lot less icky than walking a dog in New York City or changing a baby’s diaper.

"Whips? Chains? BDSM? Been there. Done that. Freaked out the dog! And it was perhaps the single most loving, and most sexually intense, relationship I’ve ever had. If she called tonight, I’d probably be on a plane before I stopped to think about whatever work needs to get done soon.

"It started with a mutual admiration for the literary qualities and arousal power of The Story of O and some herbal relaxation of inhibitions. She liked to be spanked (but not with the lack of style that the Zola man seems to exhibit). She asked me to pull her hair while we were fucking. No, harder, really hard! We went shopping in a hardware store and she tried on dog collars in the aisle. We ended up deciding that leather beat metal cuffs for us. She asked me to slap her face while we were going at it, not hard, not to leave marks, just enough to get her off even more than she was already getting off. When she asked me to use my belt, she did want marks on her backside and she wanted me to fuck her from behind while her ass was still burning from the stripes—and she said she loved it that way because it made her feel like I was using her and that got her off even more.

"She liked to please. She liked not having to decide. She liked to suck cock. She liked to take it deep and she liked it when I took control. I hadn’t really ever seen myself as the Master type (and still don’t, really, although I know that I can do it and I know what it can really arouse me) but I do like the woman I’m with to get plenty of whatever gets her off and she got off on submission, some pain and surrender of control and so that’s what I gave her. It turned out that it got me off really well, too, but I think that was as much about seeing her powerful response and feeling a sense of power at being able to take it further and further the more she showed she wanted. She liked being played with, feeling a little used, obeying orders and getting off thereby. I liked fucking her while she was getting off and it was a marvelous mutual feedback arousal and release system while it lasted.

"Was it taboo? It wasn’t like anything else I’d ever done but it evolved completely naturally and it didn’t feel transgressive—although it didn’t strike me as material for casual conversation or revelation. It worked, very well, for both of us and we liked it and we kept wanting more of it.

"It ended for reasons completely unrelated to our physical attraction and activities and I miss her still and I love her still. One of the great regrets of my life.

"Taboo: Causing emotional pain. Hurting the one you love."

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

January 26, 2010

“I’ve harbored a secret rape fantasy for years.It is all about unbridled lust—unlike REAL rape which is a power trip for some asshole.

“Come on whose ego wouldn’t benefit from knowing a frustrated (trusted) man couldn’t control the animal urge to push you against the wall, raise your skirt and have his way???

“Really, ladies?

“Since the divorce, I’ve also learned about silk ties and blindfolds—and oh, it’s so delicious.

“There’s something about being at his mercy—not knowing what’s coming next—anticipation, baby!”

--Reader, “white female, divorced, in 40s.

Women do fantasize rape—but, as this reader makes clear, not the brutal crime of rape. The fantasy is the erotic extension of the fairy tale myths of our girlhood.Sleeping Beauty.Cinderella.Snow White.They do not choose; they are chosen.They do not act; they are acted upon.The Prince awakens them.In our big girl fantasies, he wants us so badly that he rips off our panties.(Read any romance novels lately?)

But he is the Prince, always the Prince, who satisfies us completely—not that icky troll living under the bridge.

According to a report on Slate on an article in The Journal of Sex Research, between one-third and more than one-half of women have experienced the rape fantasy with one in ten fantasizing sexual assault in a pleasurable way at least once a month.

Meredith Chivers, a psychology professor at Queens University and famous for her studies of bonobos, suggests the fantasy may be rooted in the “split of female sexuality.”

“Men’s minds and genital were in agreement,” she says, referencing studies of men and women watching sexual videos.“But among women, genital blood flow differed sharply from self-reported arousal.”

Consistently in studies our vaginas report more arousal than our brains claim to be experiencing.Some experts have an evolutionary explanation for that:in eras when all sex was rough sex, women’s bodies vaginas lubricated in self-defense.Others posit that female desire is driven by ‘being desired”—and the powerful rape fantasy is the ultimate in being desired.

Whatever its roots, the rape fantasy creates conflict in some women.I think I’ll put together a quick survey on that subject alone.Meanwhile, relax and enjoy—and know that fantasizing romanticized rape does not mean you want to be attacked.

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

January 24, 2010

“If a couple have to use sex toys, something is wrong,” a young husband in his early thirties told me.

Shocking but true: Some couples—and often the younger ones—regard using sex toys (unless one is alone and desperate) as taboo. In their minds, vibrators are for aging spinsters or perhaps a faithful wife when her husband is out of town. What limited imaginations these people have! My mission is to help them open their minds.

I lectured him soundly about his sex toy misconceptions and un-adventurous erotic spirit and sent him off to BN to buy a copy of Tristan Taormino’s new book The Big Book of Sex Toys (Quiver Books) and then to Babeland to shop. Tristan is a talented writer, sex educator and adult film director who also teaches sex and relationship workshops all over the world. I am one of her biggest fans—and I promise you will find this book (and her other books and DVDs) more than worth your money. Put this one on the night table next to The Sex Bible and The Sex Bible for Women.

Her new book teaches everything you need to know about toys, including how to pick the toy that matches your mood or desire—and also how to incorporate them into sex play. Love you, Tristan. Keep up the good work!

January 23, 2010

She identifies herself as "a 37 year old married white girl." Her answers to the Taboo Sex Survey were so sexy, funny, surprising, audacious, provocative--and flat-out good reading--that I had to reprint the entire email letter, un-edited. Here it is:

Photo Credit: "Masked Woman" by vjones on Photobucket

"What sexual acts are taboo?

"Anal intercourse? Only taboo with a really large cock, which my husband has, sadly for him. We've done it before, but while it was good in the moment, it was uncomfortable enough in the ensuing days to become taboo in our house. Now, for lovers with more reasonable sized penises, it's negotiable. I had one lover with whom the first, last and only time we had anal sex, the sheets (and we) got rather nasty, so never again. He seemed fine with it, but I wasn't. Since I can't see what's going on, I think if it gets messy he ought to mention it, especially since we were in a hotel. I felt so bad for the cleaning lady.

"One lover also let me bleed all over hotel sheets. We'd been playing for an hour or so with me face down. I assumed I was just wet because he was skilled with his fingers, but then... no. It was my period. Blood everywhere. What an asshole. That was the end for him. I had to put up with him for the rest of that weekend but then that was it.

"And for me, it's the touching around the anal area that's arousing, not the penetration or thrusting itself. So it's not taboo for me, but I'm not really into it.

"Golden showers? Excrement has no part in sexual relations. Period. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people? What happened to someone that they get turned on by someone excreting on them? What kind of childhood do these people have?

"Bondage? Fun! Definitely not taboo, at least as far as I feel safe in it. Just the idea is arousing for me. Sometimes my lover will tipsily wrap his belt or tie around my wrists and miss actually tying it, and even that is lovely. Sometimes I like the feeling that what's happening to me is beyond my control, that I'm totally not responsible for the naughty, nasty things that I'm allowing to be done to me - because I'm a good girl, and good girls don't do those things, much less enjoy them and encourage them, or ask for them. Or beg, if I'm forced to beg for it...

"Spanking? Delicious! Not at ALL taboo! Necessary. I don't get enough of it. My husband says he doesn't have it in him. He's watched me spank women that we've shared and he doesn't mind that, but has told me he'll leave all that up to me. So it's only those very, very rare moments with my lover, who adores my ass and all the things I let him do to it, that I get all the spanking that I want. He'll beat me beautifully, starting early in the evening with a quick smack here and there to remind me of what's to come later. There've been a few times when we've been drinking a little harder than normal when he's lit my ass up before we even get to the bedroom... ah, the memories! He's so good with it. He hurts me, but never over the edge into true violence and always under control. It's an art with him and I admire him so much for that. In fact, right now I miss him so much as my body is remembering everything he's done to me as I write...

"BDSM? Light only for me... I experience inner terror just seeing or reading about people who get into choking and suffocation and the like. For me, sex is a celebration of life, not a way to play with death. I can kind of see how fear can escalate the emotional ride, but I'm talking about, "Holy shit, did you see how close the cab came to hitting that guy?" not "Holy shit, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't br..."

"That being said, there are some images that I find arousing for sure, images of acts in which I would never engage, but that stir my loins to see. One time I saw a picture of a woman in the stocks. Her head, hands and legs from the knees down were in the front, leaving her back and ass naked and exposed with her thighs slightly parted in the back. I get aroused by the idea of being treated like an object, (in a safe environment with someone I feel safe with,) so that image was incredibly hot to me. However, I feel pretty certain that I wouldn't enjoy what was being done to her in real life.

"I also like porn with soft-core rape fantasies and huge round glass butt plugs. It's the power play that intrigues me rather than the pain, though. Although I so like a little pain. My lover bites me so hard sometimes that I think I'm going to cry, but right when I get to that edge he backs off. And that turns me on even more.

"Paying for sex? I've thought about it. I don't think it's taboo. I pay good money for my masseuse to rub all my sore spots, so paying someone to rub some of my other spots wouldn't be much of a stretch for me. I'd like to just lay there and have someone do everything that I want them to do to me with no judgment or hesitation or day-after issues. However, I've managed to find that in my lover, so no need to pay for it right now in my life. When I no longer have access to him, anything is possible. I think I'd be skeevy about penetration, though.

"Other?

"How often do you engage in any of these taboo behaviors? As often as I get access to my lover. Sometimes a couple of times a month. Right now, not in the last six months. He's going to be in trouble when I finally get my hands on him again.

"A threesome? No, not at all taboo. I think that's like third base for this new generation, isn't it? Like adultery, there's a risk involved because if two of the people in the threesome are a couple, there can be a lot of expectations to manage. Each person has their idea of what it's going to be, and each person has their ideas about the other two people both separately and together, so it can become a big mess the morning after without good prep. But not taboo. Not at all.

"One of my favorite threesome was at my lover's going-away party. We "went hunting" together for girls in the past, but this night there was one girl he wanted, and he wanted her with us together. She was half black, half Eskimo and a fitness model and she was gorgeous. He could get any girl he wanted, but this one had gotten into his head as out of his league, so he was crazy about getting her. We each stalked her covertly at the party, with a fellting caress here and a lingering touch there, until finally he told her that he wanted her. And that he and I were a package deal. She stared at us for a moment and said, "We'll see..." which to both of our experienced ears was, "Yes." Right then and there, in the middle of the party with a house full of people, he led her to his room and I closed the door behind us. She started calling us predators, but she stayed right where she was and enjoyed herself thoroughly. It was the hunt with my lover that was the most fun for me - our most successful "kill" yet, and the perfect present to send him on his way to New York.

"Group sex? Not taboo. Again, can be lots of expectations to manage, but if everyone's on the same page, it can be lots of fun. I'm not much into it anymore, but there was one summer with some neighbors where the four of us were constantly having sex together. We thought we were very circumspect, but years later, another neighbor told me that when they'd moved in, someone told them that we were swingers. I have to assume that we weren't as careful as we thought we'd been! Or, that someone could have been stone cold lying just to be an ass. Who knows.

"Sex with a much younger or older partner? Nope. Not taboo. I've had sex with men half my age and half again as old as I am and I'd do either one again. My little cub was so cute... When I wouldn't tell him my name or give him my number, he got this look of understanding and loss on his face all at the same time - "You mean this is only a one-time deal?" Poor baby! He was so sad! His seduction was clumsy but we had fun anyway. One time was enough.

"Have you violated your own partner taboos—and with whom? I think my only partner taboo is any of my friends' sons. My brothers aren't married and even if they were, they wouldn't be marrying anyone for whom it would be an option for me anyway, and I don't have sons of my own, so there's no issue there, either. So no. No broken taboos here.

Sex Places

"Is public sex taboo? I don't think it's taboo, but it doesn't excite me. Groping under the table at dinner is fun, though.

"Which places are most taboo? Anywhere there are children.

"Is doing it at your parents’ house taboo? No, but I haven't done that in almost twenty years. Not taboo, but not exciting, either.

"In a friend’s bed? Nah, go for it. But keep it clean or clean it up after. Don't be an ass.

"Your marriage bed with someone else? it's a bed, not a sacred alter.

"Your kid’s bed? Okay, that is just disgusting. That being said, I had sex on a friend's kid's bed when I was 18 or 19 and drunk off my ass. Apparently, it didn't matter to me then.

"Have you violated any of these taboos?

The Big Questions

"Is taboo sex hotter? not for me... what's hot for me is feeling safe with someone I trust to be myself and who I can ask for what I want without worrying about judgement or repercussions

"What taboo won’t you violate? Anything I've said here that's taboo is taboo for me, period. Anything else I will or have tried.

"Or relish—or regret having violated? When I was younger, I always said no anal sex because that's an out-hole, not an in-hole. I'm glad I relaxed on that one. Figuratively AND literally!

"Do you keep pushing the taboo envelope? As long as it's what I consider safe, it's not taboo. So no."

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

January 22, 2010

Lying sated in my lover’s arms, I remembered something, sat up and said, “Oooohhh…champagne…” and then, as I curled his damp chest hair around one finger—and I do so love chest hair—while he refilled my glass, I said: “Next week is Taboo Sex Week on SexyPrime.”

Teasingly, he replied, “And you thought of that now because…”

“Darling, really I don’t think of us as a taboo! It’s not like we grew up in the same city…”

“No,” he said, “or like our great-grandfathers were brothers….Oh, wait, they were!”

That was a long time ago. We are “distant cousins” (the Northern side of the family’s take on things) or “kissin’ cousins” (the Southern side). Some people, however, are shocked to learn that we share DNA as well as lust for one another—and a few whisper the “I” word: incest. No, it doesn’t feel incestuous, merely somewhat transgressive—especially when I glance at his family portrait gallery. Is that my Grand-Aunt Maude staring accusingly down at me? Why, no, it’s his Grand-Aunt Amelie….

“Second cousins can marry in every state,” said my lover, my cousin, my lawyer and then he swirled the tip of his tongue around my nipple and made it stand up all over again…

Incest is defined as sex between two persons who cannot legally marry because of their close relationship. Parent/child sex or any kind of adult/child sex is beyond taboo—it’s illegal and immoral. Incest, in all its forms, from the illegal to the mildly transgressive, is a recurrent theme in film and literature. Here are some of my picks if you want to get into the taboo mood:

One of 2009’s best literary novels, The Blue Bedspread by Raj Khmal Jha is an intense emotional and intellectual journey into the lives of two siblings in Calcutta. The story begins when the narrator’s sister dies in childbirth. After making arrangements for her baby, he writes the family’s history, all the secrets of a brother and sister who found shelter in one another from an abusive, alcoholic father and grim poverty. It is a beautiful book and one that led me to reflect upon other books of incestuous (illicit?) love. Have you noticed how often tragedy ensues?

V. C. Andrews wrote of incest in the best-selling phenomenon Flowers in the Attic. Many close relations have sex with one another, including an aunt and a nephew, in Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s classic One Hundred Years of Solitude. In Arundhati Roy’s God of Small Things—one of my favorite novels—fraternal twins have a singular and healing sexual experience. (Indian writers seem to handle this concept of healing sex between siblings better than others.) Another sister and brother are more than close in The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving, a favorite writer. Ian McEwan, James Ellroy, Jeffrey Eugenedes, Penelope Lively and so many other authors have pulled back the covers of the family beds.

The seething and searing incest film is surely the late director Louis Malle’s “Damage,” starring Jeremy irons and Juliette Binoche, based on Josephine Hart’s novel. But who can forget the scene in “Chinatown” where Jack Nicholson slaps the truth out of Fay Dunaway: “My sister, my daughter, my sister, my daughter?” Or Angela Lansbury’s incestuous relationship with her son in “The Manchurian Candidate?” And first cousins married in both “Gone With The Wind” and “The Godfather"—not to mention the royal families of Europe. Sex with your closer DNA. It’s everywhere.

“Phedre,” my lover/cousin/lawyer said, his hand caressing my vulva. “Helen Mirren as Phedre, lusting after her stepson Hippolytus and destroying her life and his. Magnificent!”

Yes, only the Greeks could turn a potential cougar romp into high tragedy. They channeled desire into melodrama—but, of course, great melodrama that still engages us.

“Netflicks this weekend,” I said.

“How about anal sex…” he asked, “…as long as we’re feeling transgressive?”

copyright 2008-2011, www.sexyprime.typepad.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to original article on SexyPrime

January 14, 2010

I’m willing to bet you broke a taboo (yours or society’s) in the experience. Illicit sex is the down-and-dirtiest. Why else would sex advisors tell married couples to pretend to pick each other up in a bar?

I had an interesting discussion on this subject with a stranger on a plane. Sometimes I tell strangers I write about sex and sometimes I don’t. It doesn’t matter. They tell me about their sex lives.

The man, who looked forty-ish, said that he and his wife are enjoying better sex since he started traveling two weeks out of the month. “We really want each other when I get home.” His best friend, on the other hand, recently returned from a business trip early and found his wife in bed with another man.

“In our bed,” the friend said. “I will never get that image out of my mind. I could forgive an affair, but not in my own bed. He was lying on my side of the bed when I walked in the room.”

His soon-to-be ex-wife violated his ultimate sex taboo by cuckolding him in his own bed. I’m with him. I might sleep with my second cousin, twice removed, or have sex with another woman’s husband, but not in her bed.

What is the sex taboo you won’t violate—or relish having violated—or regret having violated?

I eagerly anticipate hearing from my readers in these surveys. What an open and honest, smart, sexy and witty group SexyPrime readers are. Have I told you lately that I love you?