1. When she knows how to fight right. When you have what should be a big argument and she resolves it calmly and with both your best interests in mind.

2. When she takes care of you when you’re sick. When you’re messy and disgusting and she’s still by your side, that shows you she’s someone you can count on.

3. When she’s intelligent. She asks you a thoughtful question that you’ve never considered before, or challenges your assumptions, or talks about a subject you know little about but she’s clearly spent time studying.

4. When she’s thoughtful. If she does something nice for you just because — not because she wants you to do the same for her or because she needs a favor in return.

5. When she makes you a better version of yourself. She could rag on you for one of your faults but instead she believes in you and helps you be better. She inspires you through her own self-care and supports you in whatever positive changes you decide you want to make.

6. When she’s there for you when you’re at your lowest. One of the most important parts of deciding to be with someone forever is knowing that when you lose your job, when there’s a death in the family — whenever anything terrible happens — they’re going to be on your side, there to support you through the whole thing.

7. When she demonstrates how caring she is. You can witness the amount of energy she puts into her relationships with her friends and family, or how much she cares about the kids she volunteers with. When you can see how she puts her heart and her time into something you can imagine her spending it on you and your hypothetical future family.

8. When she’s kind to you even when you’re in a bad mood. If you two both have a short fuse and blow up at each other, that’s not a good indicator of a peaceful future. If she helps settle you down instead of riling you up, she’s a keeper.

9. When she meshes perfectly into your life. When she loves the same music you thought no one else was a fan of or has the same idea of a perfect Friday night, you know living with her won’t be a challenge.

10. When you could talk to her forever and still not be bored. This doesn’t happen with just anyone.

11. When you’re still attracted to her when she’s at her worst. You think she looks super cute, even when she has the flu and is wearing sweatpants in a pile of her own tissues.

12. When she shows you how responsible she is. She gets up early to let her dog out even though you know she’s tired. You know she’s the kind of person who takes care of what needs to be taken care of.

13. When she loves you as much as you love her. You find yourself, for the first time, not worried about who texts first. You’re relaxed because she makes sure you know she loves you and is willing to put in as much work as you are.

14. When she gives you the warm fuzzies. She does sweet things to make you feel good, for no reason at all.

15. When she doesn’t try to change you. She doesn’t mold you into whatever idea she has in her head about the perfect guy. She loves all the things that make you you — not just because she’s ready to settle down and she’s there.

16. When she cooks you an amazing dinner. She has “adult” skills, and you can see that she’s someone you can grow up with, and grow old with.

17. When she curls into you just right. You’re cuddling together, and you just know.

18. When she makes a terrible situation manageable. She has a great mood even when all the details of your perfect vacation go to shit. She’s nice to a customer service agent when you’re about ready to pull you’re hair out. She brings out the best in you because she manages to find the best in the worst situation.

19. When she’s up for anything. She has a zest for life and makes a random Sunday afternoon doing errands fun. You can picture her being your partner in crime because she’s always down to have fun.

20. When she’s your biggest fan. She believes in you even when you don’t believe in you.

21. When she’s independent. You’re confident that she’s with you because she wants to be, not because she needs to be.

22. When she’s genuinely interested in you. She wants to know your family and what it was like for you growing up. She reads your favorite book and reads up on your career. She makes an effort to be a part of your life.

23. When she makes you really laugh. She’s lighthearted and doesn’t take herself too seriously. You can tell she is going to make every day a fun adventure.

Depression is real. Anxiety is real. PTSD is real. ALL mental illnesses are real. Don’t believe anyone who is trying to tell you otherwise.

Every time I’m stressed I distract myself with doing something nice for someone else and it’s the best thing on this planet to watch someone’s eyes light up because they weren’t expecting something nice to happen.