"A Dangerous Son": Why We Shared Our Story

Interviews have been condensed and edited for clarity.

Source: Interview photos featured originally on Zimbio

On Monday night, HBO released director Liz Garbus' documentary,A Dangerous Son. The 90-minute film features three mothers who struggle immensely to find proper help for their emotionally disturbed sons. Audience members who had never dealt with children facing severe mental illness described the piece as heartbreaking and difficult to watch. However, parents of mentally ill children displayed a very different reaction; they felt a sense of validation and hope. They believe that this film could serve as the first major step in changing the public's judgmental perception of children with mental illness and their families. Parents should be supported, rather than shamed, by their communities.

Director, Liz Garbus first became inspired to produce A Dangerous Sonafter reading Liza Long's controversial essay, "I am Adam Lanza's Mother." Long wrote the blog post two days after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, in which 20-year-old Adam Lanza murdered 20 first-grade students, five faculty members, and his mother. Long's essay detail her family's endless struggle to find proper help for her son, Eric, who would later be diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder.

"This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options...I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza’s mother. I am Dylan Klebold’s and Eric Harris’s mother. I am James Holmes’s mother. I am Jared Loughner’s mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho’s mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness."

Garbus described feeling heartbroken after reading Long's blog post. "I knew there was another side to the story that needed to be shared. These mothers needed help and had nowhere to turn," she explained. Garbus believes that aA Dangerous Sonwill open up the door to a much-needed dialogue about the way we mistreat those with mental illness. Long term, she hopes the documentary will promote political changes that will result in greater allocation of state and federal funding toward mental health facilities.

A Dangerous Sonaddresses the general sense of apathy, and more often condemnation, that other families display towards parents (particularly mothers) of children with mental illness. When any child, regardless of his or her psychiatric well-being, acts out and hurts another person, the community's natural response is to assign blame.

Stacy Shapiro, whose son Ethan was featured throughout the film, explained that other parents are often uncertain about how to react to her son's temper, which often results in severe emotional outbursts and physical violence. She described how this can become increasingly complicated when mentally ill children have a partial understanding of how their behavior affects others.

"[Other parents] assume that simply because Ethan can differentiate between right and wrong, he has the ability to control his actions. Therefore, if he can control his actions, he is choosing to behave the way he does. Self-awareness is a double-edged sword. It is necessary for him to develop as person, but it makes other people less likely to give him the benefit of the doubt when things happen."

Shapiro explained that Ethan's cognitive deficits result in his being unable to control himself in the moment. His emotional drivers overwhelmingly override his short-term decision-making skills.

"Simply because he can recall his behavior after an outburst and recognize that it is wrong, does not mean that next time the same situation arises, he will have the ability to deal with it differently. It's a symptom of his illness. This is something that becomes increasingly confusing to the community as he becomes older."

Edie Cooper, mother of William, described a similar sense of anger felt from other parents every time her son had a traumatic reaction to a seemingly mundane situation. She explained,

"Every time William acts out, the first question asked is Where is the mother?...The best thing parents can do, looking from the outside in, is to understand in their look, in their smile, in their empathy that I am doing the best I can do."

Stacy and Edie were both very grateful for the opportunity to be featured in the documentary. They hope that A Dangerous Sonwill allow other parents of children with mental illness to realize they are not alone in their struggle. Additionally, they believe that telling their stories will highlight the inadequacies in the mental health system families in the United States face when trying to get their children help. Stacy and Edie's optimism, despite their being let down by the system so many times, was commendable.

"There are so many pieces to this puzzle—from the parents, to the school to the hospitals," explained Edie. "Every time there is a break in the chain, which prevents William from getting the help he needs, it causes him to feel as if I betrayed his trust....My hope is that one day we will have a [unified] system in place that will not require parents to be geniuses in order to get their children the help they need."

I agree. Just because you are a mommy, you aren't necessarily smart, a good parent, or a decent member of the community. Nancy Lanza gave her very troubled and violent son knowledge to use danger assault weapons and access to those weapons. He killed 26 people because she made it possible. She is rotting in hell.

okay but this article is about all the other parents who try their best and try everything and society still blames them. I have a son we have tried everything we can -- up and moved to where there was more services, spent a fortune trying to find help, spent hours and hours at oublic health appointments and at the schools and nobody has empathy for you or even wants to know you if you are the mom to 'that kid'. you are effectively ostracized from everyone. please have sympathy

I Regarding you post about lack of resources, i totally agree with you and I am sympathies with you. I am going through some behavior issue badly and i reach out to so many agencies, juvenile jail and so much more and everyone will close the doors on you or will said that "If he has not done any crime" there is nothing they can do to help!!! What is wrong with that type of answer we parent are trying to help our child BEFORE he gets to harm himself more or anyone else!! But then yet child protective services is in your back and you get to be blamed for mistreating your child when all we doing it preventing the situation from getting worse!!!

Within the first few seconds of this movie, we see a woman (the mother) permit another (her son) to beat her little girl. That is an assault, and the little girl should be safely secured from the boy. The mother should have parked the car, got out, and removed the boy to the side of the road. She should have restrained him until he acquiesced completely. The little girl should be moved to the front seat, and the boy behind the mother, or as far back as possible from the little girl with the little girl in the position of receiving all of the attention. By allowing the boy to get in so many blows, or even one, the mother is permitting an assault on her daughter, who will grow up with post traumatic stress disorder. If the mother is unable to stop the boy, then the girl should live with someone else, or the boy should live with someone else. Honestly, however, very specific responses could gain control of the boy or more accurately teach him to gain control of himself; which should be the goal, but first things first, That little girl should never experience her brother beating on her. He will do far worse when Mom isn't watching, and the behavior should be extinguished or the girl removed from the boy's presence.

If one sibling is cognitively or emotionally disabled and is larger, aggressive, and impulsively violent then the smaller children need very badly to be protected from their sibling. I would think that the disabled child who can’t control their impulsive violence needs to be relocated to a residential care facility. The chronic anxiety created by sudden, unexpected physical attacks from the disabled sibling will definitely have a long-term negative impact on the smaller kids. PTSD, for sure.