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Disclaimer

Babes Love Baseball credits each source at the end of every post and points you in the direction of other blogs with useful and sometimes comical information on the topic you've just read about. All box scores, stats and highlights are property of MLB. We didn't take any of the photos, either.

6.02.2007

We met up with Michael Barrett at the hospital this morning - his face barely recognizable: misshapen and swollen from the pounding fists of fury that is Carlos Zambrano. He reminded us of a battered housewife.

Barrett: "You know ladies, if I may get the first word, I've been in brawls before. And I've always emerged the glorious victor. Take Exhibit A for example. Here is a photo montage of me punching A.J. Pierzynski in the face."

Lizzy: "Michael, lots of people have punched A.J. Pierzynski in the face."

Sooze: "Yeah, and I would think it wouldn't be that hard to do either. He's not all that brilliant."

Barrett: "Hey, don't discount my ass-kicking."

Sooze: "The one you received last night?"

Barrett: "No! The time I beat up that asshole A.J."

Lizzy: "Michael, please stop changing the subject. We're here to talk about why Big Z beat the crap out of you last night in the dugout and later in the clubhouse."

Barrett: "First of all, he didn't beat the crap out of me. I just bruise easily."

Sooze: "Of course. Was it the passed ball that upset him? What did you say to provoke such anger?"

Barrett: "I called his mama ugly."

Lizzy: "Ooooh. Don't ever call a man's mama ugly. Especially on his birthday. The result is a royal beatdown nine times out of ten."

Sooze: "Case and point."

Barrett: "It was my birthday when I pummeled A.J. Pierzynski!"

Lizzy: "No. No it wasn't, Michael. I think it's time you put that glorious day behind you and come out and admit what a sissy you are."

5.22.2007

As the season progresses and Soozy and I have become more well-known for not just our hotness, but our vast baseball knowledge, Jonathan Papelbon called us up and asked for the opportunity to let America get to know the hot ass brain behind the next Mariano Rivera.

5.02.2007

We caught up with John Kruk's hair this afternoon to find out what the hell happened to it.

Lizzy: Hi.... hair.

John Kruk's Hair: Helloooooo ladies.

Sooze: Would you please enlighten us as to why you've grown so unmanageable?

John Kruk's Hair: It all started when Orel Hershiser's hair and I were hanging out on the set. We were reminiscing about Eric Byrnes' hairstyle he was sporting during his appearance on Baseball Tonight during last season's playoffs.

Lizzy: Of course.

John Kruk's Hair: We were talking about how fun it would be to grow long and luxurious before going completely bald.

Sooze: You do realize how ridiculous you look, right? I mean, it's rather distracting. Viewers have a hard enough time taking whatever comes out of John Kruk's mouth seriously without -

John Kruk's Hair: Oh, his mouth is a different story. I have no control over that bastard. When the mouth and brain get together, it's totally out of control. Especially around lunch time. And dinner. And breakfast and...

Lizzy: We get the idea.

Sooze: So, the whole gelled-mullet thing is in nowadays? Cause I wasn't aware.

John Kruk's Hair: No, but Orel's 'do and I feel it's making a comeback!

Lizzy: Highly unlikely, but we'll make a note of it.

Sooze: That's all the time we have left for today. Thanks for your time, Mr. Hair. You're truly bold and unpredictable.

4.20.2007

We caught up with Mark Buehrle after his recent no-hitter to ask him how it felt to be a star for a day.

Sooze: Hey, Mark! Thanks for sitting down with us.

Mark: Have you guys ever met my friend A.J. Pierzynski?

Lizzy: No, we haven't had the pleasure.

A.J.: I'll give you the pleasure.

Sooze: So... Mark, how did you feel after your no-no?

Mark: You know, it was really great --

A.J.: Have you girls ever "done it"?

Lizzy: Done it?

A.J.: You know, with each other?

Sooze: Wouldn't you like to know.

Lizzy: We've actually never met each other, Mark.

A.J.: He brought me along cause he's shy around girls...

Mark: Shut up dude, you practically begged me to come along.

Lizzy: Back to that no-hitter --

A.J.: I totally called that no-no. I was in the dugout talking crap to Jim Thome and I was all, "Burly's totally gonna have a perfect game." Then he walked Sammy and Jim hit me in the face. He hurt me, see? (points to his misshapen melon)

Sooze: Let me see that (smack!)

A.J.: Ouch!

Mark: You're always such a baby.

A.J.: Nu-UH! Did you see me take down Eckstein on Pay-Per-view? I kicked that midget's ass!

Lizzy: David Eckstein is not a midget.

Sooze: That's right, he's just vertically challenged.

Mark: Ahh, plus that whole thing was set up.

A.J.: Whatever.

Mark: I felt great after my no-hitter. But what really matters is that we won the game as a team.

Sooze: So, talk a little about your relationship with Derek Jeter. You were quite distraught when he stopped inviting you to sleep over, and you seem to really miss the tight relationship you once had. What happened?

A-Rod: Soozy dear, your guess is as good as mine. I mean, he used to get really mad at me when I left the seat down. I never used to get mad at him when he'd wear my underwear or forget to pull out! I mean, it's devastating.

There was this one time that we stayed up all night before a game, drinking Smirnoff Ice. He threw up all over my "My So Called Life" DVDs and I FORGAVE him. I couldn't stare at Jordan Catalano's sweet ass for days after that! I let that boi get away with so much. (bursts into tears)

Lizzy: There, there, Alex. Time heals all wounds...

A-Rod: BUT LIZZY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I left Texas for him. I picked up my life and sacrificed playing shortstop, all for the love of Derek. The first few months were great - spooning on the team bus and playing Girl Talk by the light of the fireplace on cold nights in Manhattan.

But then, he decided he needed to start dating whores that work for MTV. I showed that Vanessa Minello tramp! She showed up at our place in her Jimmy Choos and Gucci dresses and I slapped that bitch square in the mouth for trying to stick it to my man. Why else do you think she ran screaming into the arms of that jackass who used to be married to Jessica Simpson?

Who gently wiped the blood off of his mouth when he took that face-first spill into the stands? You think he could even have come to my defense when that brut, Jason Varitek punched me? I don't care that he sometimes forgets to change his socks or that he refuses to shave his special parts. And trust me, that boy may have a face soft and smooth like a baby's ass, but his groin is like the black fucking forest. (bursts into tears again, grabs bottle of Xanex and pops a handful of pills)

Lizzy: Oooookay, thanks for sitting down with us, Alex. We really appreciate it.

A-Rod: You girls want to play Mall Madness? Or maybe go see Phantom of the Opera? Derek and I used to do that, he'd cry like a baby during "Music of the Night." We used to role-play to that, too. I'd put on a long blonde wig and pretend I was Christine...

Rocket: That's Rocket Man, as the title of my autobiography clearly states. (hands a signed copy to Lizzy)

Lizzy: Sweet... So, are you ever going to retire, or what?

Rocket: Yeah, probably until June or so. Then we'll see what happens. For now, I'm thinking about starting up my own blog. I'm gonna call it "What's In Rocket's Pocket".

Sooze: Interesting.

Rocket: Go ahead, ask me what's in my pocket.

Sooze: No, that's okay.

Rocket: Really. Ask me. C'mon.

Lizzy: (sighs) What's in your pocket?

Rocket: (pulls hand out of pocket to flip the bird)

Sooze: Very nice.

Rocket: (falls over in a fit of laughter)

Lizzy: Hmm. Speaking of things that are hilarious, I understand your wife, Debbie, has made quite the name for herself with her Bedazzling website. Lots of butterflies, creepy music and plastic rhinestones for denim hats and jean jackets.

Rocket: Yeah, those things are AMAZING! I wanted her to bedazzle my glove, but she said my teammates would just make fun of me.