Joke of the Week

Joke of the Week is the place where you get the best joke - each week. It will bring a smile on your face, and all jokes will be ones you can send to friends and families without ever offending anyone. Joke of the Week is your ultimate source for decent jokes

Thursday, May 10, 2018

A mother was preparing dinner in the kitchen, and could hear her son playing with trains in the living room. She noticed the train stopped, and her son said: "All you lazy SOBs who need to get off better hurry, and to all the idiots who are getting on board: get your asses moving. We need to move on."

She was shocked, and hurried into the living room and said: "We don't use that type of language in this home. As a punishment, you can go to your room for an hour. You can then play with your trains when you can speak decently!"

An hour later, the boy is playing with his train again. The train stops, and she hears her son say: "To all passengers leaving us, I want to thank you for travelling with us, and please do remember all your luggage. We hope you have had a pleasant trup." She heard her son continue: "To our new travellers I want to wish you welcome on board. We shall do our best to ensure you have a pleasant journey. Please find your seats before we take off."

The mother smiled with pride, when she suddenly heard the boy continue: "And if any of you assholes are disappointed that we are delayed an hour, you can go talk with the fat lady in the kitchen!"

Saturday, December 9, 2017

He was complaining to his friend that sex with his wife was boring, and the friend said:
- You need to be creative, think new thoughts, break the routine. Play doctor for an hour. That's what we do.
- Sounds exciting. But how do you get it to last for an hour?
- That's the easy part. Put her in the waiting room for 55 minutes...

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

The boss was talking to his employee before his wedding, and was curious about the length of vacation he needed for his honeymoon. He starts by asking: "Now that you are getting married, how long do you plan on being away for the honeymoon?"
The employee answers: "Well, how long would you suggest?"
The boss answers: "I can't say. I haven't seen the bride!"

Friday, October 14, 2016

The lawyer had just read the will of the late millionaire.
The widow asked whether he had misread the will, and the lawyer replies: "No, I didn't misread his will. He gave his fortune to the hospital, and his brain to you."