Suit of the Week: Boss

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I’m in love with this twist detail that Boss is putting on several of its blouses and dresses — it’s so sophisticated, yet different from what else I’ve seen out there. Still, the cons: some reviewers note that the twisted fabric didn’t lay right on them — and I’m not sure I’m in love with the twist effect beneath the suit jacket. I first spied this suit over at Bloomingdale’s, but Nordstrom has it marked 25% off, so huzzah! The jacket (Jimelana Stretch Wool Suit Jacket) is $431, the pants (Tamea 1 Straight Leg Stretch Wool Trousers) are $213, and the dress (Dimesa Twist Front Stretch Wool Dress) is $413. All regular sizes are 25% off, while all petite sizes are full price (alas!).

Looking for something more affordable? This light gray suit we featured a few weeks ago is now 33% off; meanwhile Express has a similar color option in sizes 00-18, and Talbots has a similar option in four size ranges.

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I agree. I always like to have sleeves whenever possible, because Frank loves my elbows and he’s always touching them. FOOEY! He has a wife; let him touch her elbows! Anyway, I hope the hive had a good day. I’ve been extremely busy.

I got some at Gap a few years ago. Looked like he*l on me (which didn’t stop 1L me from wearing them without really realizing how terrible they were), but may be a place to check. I got them….early fall?

I used to get facials from a lady who would remove the peach fuzz with a knife (I think?) as part of the facial. Basically gently scraping it off my face, if that makes sense. I didn’t think I needed it as mine was very blond and (I thought) unnoticeable, but I liked the result.

It’s different. Because you’re cutting the hair off, when it grows back it does have a different feel to it than it would if you never did anything. But my hair grows so fine that it doesn’t really bother me and I don’t think it’s any more noticeable than just having the hair there before I did anything about it. I’ll post a link to a video that I thought explained exactly what happens really well and finally gave me the push to do it. I don’t regret it for a second.

I use it on my lip, chin on my darker/thicker hairs. It is wonderful. And so easy to use.

No it doesn’t come back with a lot of stubble… just occasionally you will notice it is time to touch up. It is part of my Sunday routine … when I remember. It literally takes less than 1 minute. I keep a razor with my make-up.

For BigLaw parents, can you chime in with how old your children are (roughly: not in school, grade school, middle school, high school, college, “I am a grandparent,” etc.).

I know one grandmother in my BigLaw firm. She is awesome and who I use as a model. Unfortunately, she isn’t in my time zone. I am the oldest parent I know (or: female attorney of the oldest children I know who is still practicing at a firm) and all my older kid can do is read chapter books.

It’s bleak, no? If you are still in the trenches, what is the secret? How do you make it work? I know of no one with older kids *unless* husband is stay-at-home or there are 4 local grandparents who are old enough to be retired but young enough to keep up with young kids.

I wish I knew – the only mom I know like this (only child is in high school), the father works part-time at most and did for most of the child’s childhood. When the child was in elementary school, they also utilized a nanny part-time. They did not have family nearby.

Another family I know where both parents work full time (the lawyer-mom is in-house in a demanding role but not biglaw-demanding) hired after-school help. This person picked up both children (elementary and middle school age) from school, did some basic housework, grocery shopped, and started dinner. I’m not sure what their extended family situation was.

I have two preschool aged children and another on the way. I am an income partner at an AmLaw 100 firm, but it is a lifestyle firm. I love my work, but I wish I did have time that was not kid or work focused.

In my group, two women equity partners each have two kids (one set college aged and one set mid-elementary).

Hi, pregnancy buddy. I sincerely wish there were more of us, but I very much understand why there aren’t, unfortunately.

I don’t know if to be upset that I’m working till midnight this week while pregnant or glad to be in my second trimester and able to actually do that work instead of staring at my screen trying not to throw up…

A ton of partners at my biglaw firm have high school and college-aged children, but most of them are men. There is one female partner with something like five kids ranging from college to elementary school. She’s married to another high earner and they have round the clock nanny coverage. (She’s also just an amazing human being and fantastic professional role model!) Not sure that amount of nanny care is feasible for even the average biglaw person, but they seem to make it work.

But if I am spending 3K/month (for me: nanny has to be on the books) on child care until the youngest can drive, that is more than my mortgage. That makes me sad.

I would just have to blow through more money to make $. I’d rather make less and have enough free time that I could actually be with my children (the key thing: one of them is really struggling; if they were both fine, I’d be with outsourcing a bit more).

Excellent question! I’ve got a 5 yr old (finishing preK) and a 2 yr old (nanny). I’m 75% time and a senior associate at biglaw firm. I’m really just treading water. I don’t see a future at a firm and I haven’t been able to make the jump to in-house based on my niche practice/industry combined with geography (dictated by DH’s career). It’s disheartening.

2 under 5. My husband has enough seniority to have flexibility (not law). I’m PT and am not doing the things one needs to do to make partner, so my schedule isn’t crazy. I wish high-level legal work that is truly PT existed.

Biglaw at the non-home office. 2 kids – young elementary school and preschool, husband is lawyer at a regional firm. Used nanny and grandparents until recently, switched to elementary school/aftercare/daycare + grandparents this year. We still barely manage some days and are looking to make changes.

Elementary school seems to be the great divider — while I see people leave when they have young kids, very few people seem to last thru elementary school. I do know some female partners with teenagers & adult children, but most have/had husbands with considerably less demanding careers &/or extensive household staff.

No kids and no longer in biglaw, but at my AmLaw 100, in the largest practice group in my office, only two women partners had kids. One I had no idea for two years she had kids because she had no photos of kids and was always at the office and never brought it up, even in the excruciatingly awkward “women’s group” meetings. Turns out she outsourced everything- from cooking, childcare, laundry, even vacations for her kids. Her husband was another super high earner at another firm. The other partner had a stay-at-home dad… and was somewhat looked down upon by the male partners because of their role reversal. We had very few women partners to begin with and nearly all the men had kids, except for one that I can think of. I can only think of two men whose wives didn’t stay at home with the kids and they had part-time gigs. It was a really miserable place to be a woman/lawyer.

Wow, that’s depressing. Most folks around here seem to think of my kids as an outside hobby, which is itself depressing, but at least there’s no outright hostility. (Well, there has been outright hostility or at least extreme indifference to kid emergency situations a few times, but there is not outright hostility to the idea of having kids… This is a pretty low bar.)

Extremely. One of my favorite senior associates/partners was a man who had the gumption to want to see his kids during the week and would honestly tiptoe quickly out to make it home in time for bathtime/bedtime with them and then log in again at night because he left for the office before they woke up in the morning. One of his kids had to get stitches once and he kept apologizing to me profusely that he had to go and I reminded him to stop because being there for your kids — especially in a medical emergency — is an important line to draw, and even set boundaries for the rest of us.

Ugh. One time, my kid was throwing up at preschool and I was the only one who could get him. I tried to ask the partner I was working with to cover for me on a call that was happening about an hour later with like 15 other people, for which I could easily get him up to speed, and he basically said, no, this is your thing, I’m not up to speed. WTF. (I managed to get my mom to pick up my kid, but still, WTF.) And it’s not like I’m doing this often — my husband and mom are the defaults in these cases. This was like 9 months ago but I’m obviously still not over it. Nothing productive to add here, but thanks for listening to me vent!

At my Amlaw 200, we have a women partners who have kids, but only 1 (one!!) has kids who are younger (i.e., not in college). One woman associate has young kids. (I’m in our flagship/largest office; there may be others I’m not aware of in smaller satellite offices). Presumably the older partners made partner when they had younger kids, but they all seem to have stories about having to navigate weird part time arrangements or something while their kids were younger.

My firm is sorta known for pushing out pregnant women/women with young kids. Place is a nightmare. On the whole, we are about 25% women.

Not biglaw but demanding regional firm, senior associate. I have a 5 month old and it’s already hard to make work. I’ve had a few days where I’ve left before kid got up and got home after kid went to bed. My firm is mostly men and only two of the few female partners have children. Depressing.

BigLaw, just made partner (we only have one tier). I have a preschooler (who goes to a childcare center) and two elementary-age kids (part-time nanny – she picks up the preschooler as well). DH has a more predictable but relatively demanding job (8-6ish plus travel). I have been part-time for years. We outsource quite a bit (nanny, cleaning person, gardener), but we also drop the kids off at school every morning and have dinner together almost every night. What helped is that my group has been extremely supportive of my asks (leave at 6 every day! part-time schedule!) while still staffing me on interesting deals and getting me the experience I needed to move up. Also I am a specialist, so I work on many projects at once instead of one or two all-consuming projects (and so many people outside my group don’t realize that I’m part-time).

I have a gardening question that seems like the reverse of many asked here. I recently started gardening with a new partner, and he has yet to successfully finish. Everything functions properly (hose is in good working order) and he always makes sure I’m satisfied, but I can’t seem to succeed at returning the favor. I’ve tried everything I know how to do and we’ve started experimenting with innovative gardening techniques, but his hose just kind of deflates near the end. Any tips from the hive?

Can he get to the end with you there? If so, maybe you can take part by being close, guiding his hand, brushing your hair over him, whispering dirty things in his ear…then you can feel more part of things and less like you are somehow “failing” (which for sure you are not).

It’s probably the independent gardening. You just can’t get that kind of friction from PIV and if that’s what he’s used to, that’s what it will continue to take unless he stops fapping.

Also, he might have a p orn habit (and would totally lie to you about this) and can’t finish unless he has that level of visual stimulation, which, if he’s escalated into some of the edgier stuff, he’s not going to get in loving relationship type gardening.

He should read nofap on Reddit. This is actually a pretty common issue but most dudes don’t talk about it.

This. Death grip or independent gardening are almost always the issue if he can finish gardening alone but not with a partner. The good news is there’s help all over the internet if he’s serious about addressing it.

Replied below as well, but he’s agreed to stop the independent gardening for a while. P*rn is an issue we haven’t talked about, but he’s been so great about everything else that I’d be comfortable bringing it up the next time I see him.

The “death grip” thing is a huge issue, as is extreme p* RN. If I had to bet, I’d bet it’s a combination of those two things. That’s not the kind of thing most guys talk about with anyone, much less someone they’re in a new relationship with.

I’m the type of gal who was always like “let’s just get everything out there,” so I would ask him about it (think you said you already will, so, that’s good). There may be elements that you can bring into gardening (they make toys for guys too) that will help. But please don’t feel pressured to go outside your own boundaries or do things you’re not comfortable with (or don’t like) because he says he “needs” that. Ultimately, this is his problem to solve.

No advice but this reminds me to tell the hive of a recent study I read about. Scientist were testing the microbiome in womens’ nether regions and the second most predominating type of bacteria is actually called Gardnerella vaginalis. I had to chuckle when I read that!

I’d ask if you’re dating the guy I dated for 5 months in college, but he’s married now (so I hope that’s not the case, anyway!). He could finish on his own, but never with me, and we tried soooo many things. It was quite frustrating for both of us, which probably didn’t help, and eventually I wondered if we just didn’t have the chemistry, so I wasn’t too upset when he broke it off.

It’s not you. The problem is 100% his solo activities, as others have pointed out. He’s going to have to change his habits or this won’t improve.

And this wasn’t your question, but I’m going to take this opportunity to vent about men who whine about garden gloves because “[the hose] just doesn’t work with them!” when really the issue is the solo activities.

Yeah, it really seems like the frequency of this is getting worse. It isn’t you.

I see this as another side effect of the internet/easy access to lots of porn. This plus the need for me to look like a porn star in terms of personal care is a bummer these days. Wasn’t always like this!

From the link, I was prepared to be all shruggy guy about it, because I regularly toss my hair up in a bun mid-day or put on or take off a jacket. But changing her hair color in the middle of the day? That is bananas.

I actually agree with the advice. I’m guessing Michelle is African American and getting a new weave every once in a while. This is not the hill I would choose to die on. It’s sort of cultural and the manager should be sensitive to that.

She sounds like a hoot. I love that kind of confidence and sense of fun in appearance.

This. I think there’s more at play here. It’s okay to have curly hair in the morning and pull it into a tight bun for the afternoon, but not okay to have curly hair, have it straightened over lunch and pull it into an updo?

This seems awfully close to “natural hair just isn’t professional” so I think AAM’s advice is pretty spot on. If it’s not affecting her work, and it’s always within dress code, you need to examine why someone doing something different would impact your professional opinion of them.

It does sound odd, and wouldn’t fly in some workplaces, but I thought the advice was valid. Make her aware that people might not take her seriously, and ask that she not do it on days she’s giving presentations, otherwise let her be her wacky self! She’s young, she’ll probably get tired of it and pull back after a while.

This is weirdly coincidental for me today since I came to work with my hair freshly washed and super curly…and then my new Conair InfinitiPro Paddle Brush arrived from Amazon and I obviously HAD to try it out immediately. So I emerged from my office with my hair straight.

As a product plug, I think this gadget is going to be a game changer for me as I got awesome results in 15 minutes without a mirror, so I think it will work perfectly at home without the hour it usually takes me to flatiron my long, curly mop.

So bizarre. I would be so confused- I even thought about possible mental illness. The changing clothes (and donating the clothes she wore just to donate?!) was absolutely “….She’s doing WHAT?” to me. The hair, ooookayyyy, sure. But clothes?!

Honestly, my first thought was she’s an escort and has to change clothes because she showers after appointments. The hair, of course, is accomplished with wigs. I haven’t figured out the nails, yet. ~shrugs~

Sounds like a class/race issue. The references to public transit and malls make it seem like the company isn’t in a major city like NYC, or if it is, Michelle lives in a pretty remote location. She might have to take a couple of buses to get to work and probably has a pretty long commute. Going to the mall on the weekend would take basically her whole day, so she gets her hair and nails done on her lunch break once a month. She needs to build her professional wardrobe but it’s a huge PITA to drag shopping bags (particularly suits) on and off however many buses she has to take. So much easier to wear whatever you buy for the day. No wonder she knows exactly what she’s going to get before she gets it. It sounds like Michelle is doing the best she can to develop and maintain a professional image while she has a less than ideal living situation.

All this may seem a bit odd to folks who have never had to deal with crappy suburban/rural public transportation, or who have never lived so far away from the nearest mall that going to the mall is an all day event. But it’s really not that strange if you live in many parts of the country.

Fully vested today…all the employer contributions to my 403(b) are now mine and the match goes from 100% to 150%, up to 8% of my salary. So now I’m getting 20% of my salary into my 403(b) each month…pretty psyched.

If you’re like our university, you might just need to be there for three FYs. I won’t hit three full years until August (and I took FMLA maternity leave in there), but still got vested for our FY started July 1!

I’m in the same boat. We automatically get 7% of our salary as an employer contribution to the retirement plan and 7% of our salary is taken as a personal contribution (this is mandatory), but it takes 5 years for the employer portion to vest. Given the academic schedule, that actually means you need to be there 6 academic years, which makes for tough decisions at year 5…

I have wanted these for like three summers now, so I think it’s more than a whim. Ready to pull the trigger but I can’t decide between silver and antique lace. Does anyone have them in antique lace….I can’t tell if it’s a metallic champagney-gold or what.

I have them! They look more white in person than they did online, but with a warmer undertone, kind of like a winter white (but without being a winter white, if that makes sense). They don’t identify as metallic from a distance but they’re a little shimmery. Love them.

I have these in several colors. Antique lace is a cream color with a slight shimmer. It’s a great neutral, particularly with the cork/brown footbed. The silver is a nice choice, too– can’t go wrong with these.

I have a bronze color, which I find really versatile, but I find the shoes themselves horribly uncomfortable. The leather rubs and the cork footbed gives me crippling toe cramps. So if you are still on the fence, my vote would be avoid!

I have 2 pairs (black and gold) and have born them regularly for a few years. They’re the only flats I can tolerate and get more comfortable with age. I definitely wear the gold ones more. Depending on your size, the silver ones are on sale at Amazon.

I remember someone here mentioning a particular type of professional who works with families/individuals to set up senior services. I can’t remember what the term for this is, or how to locate one. It’s not a lawyer, not a social worker necessarily…but what is it?? Anyway, I have an elderly relative on the other side of the country who needs help locating and moving into an assisted living facility, and possibly arranging other types of assistance. Big thanks to anyone who can jog my memory on this.

Oh, meant to add that many of them have social work degrees, some are former nurses, and some are former lawyers. But you’re right, this is a specialized area of professional practice that touches on all of these disciplines.

I also want to add- be wary of the senior placement agencies like “A Place for Mom.” These brokers don’t charge you money, which they remind you of frequently, but they get kickbacks from the agency where they place your senior. In my case, they didn’t tell me about better, more affordable options for my mother that didn’t offer them an incentive.

I posted in that thread and recommended looking into a certified care manager. I have a client who is using one right now to make just the sort of transition for a relative that you described. The manager the client chose has an RN and a social work degree, plus experience in elder and home care. She is pretty terrific and has facilitated my firm’s accomplishment of the necessary legal processes to get everything done.

I concocted this last week and have been making it daily. It fulfills my no added sugar requirements and reminds me of Cherry Garcia. Considering how little imagination I usually apply to my core staples that I eat day in and day out, just thought I would share.

This is my first week at a new job. Yesterday, my supervisor asked if I wanted to buy PowerBall tickets for the $375mil jackpot. I laughed, said no, and didn’t think anything of it. Then she brought it up in the morning department meeting today and it turns out I’m the only one not participating. She went to buy the tickets at lunch, so all morning she kept asking me and saying “but no pressure” each time. After she bought the tickets, she walked them all around the office saying stuff like “this could be our last day here!” and kept asking me if I could “handle things” if they all won. How should I have addressed this? I don’t have money to spend on lottery tickets and even if I had paid up, I had no desire to fake excitement about this all day.

Yeah, I think as a newbie it would be a good idea to chip in a buck. You’re putting a big sign on yourself that says “I don’t fit in” and why would you do that your first week in order to save a dollar?

Another The Skirt post – I just sent mine to ThredUp (apologies, didn’t occur to me to post here as I hadn’t seen anyone talking about it for so long, I figured it was over). Anyway, one of mine is on sale apparently – here’s a link:
https://www.thredup.com/product/women-polyester-halogen-black-casual-skirt/23739079

They come up pretty regularly, in all sizes and colors (esp. the plum and black though -maybe Nordstr*m just sold more of those?). If you are interested, I’d keep on eye out there. Searching by brand for “Halogen” is the easiest way to find.

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