Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Someone told me there is a war. Where do I sign up?

Since that whole Ann Romney, Hilary Rosen bullshit, the "mommy wars" are back in the pages of newspapers and online magazines. Television media has launched stories about the “mommy wars” that portray women as feral cats on the prowl, clawing out the eyes of every other mother kitty they come across.

Recently, CNN ran an opinion piece where the author claimed the mommy wars do not in fact exist. Apparently, this bitch has not been a mother in recent years. Mommy wars do exist. It may not be an all out war, but it is definitely a skirmish.

Honestly, this article is great. It deals with true social issues in our country that involve family values and work/life balance. The fact we have mommy wars can be blamed on society as a whole. (If I somehow become smart and eloquent in the next few days, I’ll write more in-depth about how fucked up society is when it comes to family roles.) That aside, these mommy skirmishes are often found more online than in real life. I believe there is an elite mommy militia with specialized training in back-handed compliments that lead these wars. I mean seriously, there is no other explanation.

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Isn't this what we all want?

I’ll focus on working mothers since I am one. There have been many times when I’ve had people ask me who is watching my children when I’m at work. When they were infants, I said they were in XYZ daycare. They often reply with, “Awww, I bet they miss their mom.” That’s it. Simple, not offensive and possibly true (I’m quite certain my kids never miss me).

Online, this conversation would have gone something like this:

Online Asshat: “Oh you work?”

Me: “Yup.”

Online Douche Biscuit: “I can’t believe you can just leave your kids with strangers. Being a mother is the best job in the world. Kids who stay home with their mothers are more apt to become successful later in life. Working mothers become detached from their children and don't form the same bond as a stay-at-home mom does. I bet you could stay home if you cut back a little. Also, I read this story where a kid was killed at a daycare center. You can never trust people. That’s why babies belong at home with their mother. I haven’t left my child with anyone. Ever. Oh and he’s five. Little Aiyedein really loves me and knows I love him because I stayed home. ”

Me: *Utter silence*

There is no point in responding to people making up stupid shit on the Internet. I just push forward because I’m pretty sure those people will somehow be fucked in the future.﻿﻿﻿﻿﻿﻿﻿﻿﻿﻿

In real life, these conversations do not happen so freely. It is more passive aggressive. It goes a little something like this:

Real Life Asshat: “Oh, you work?”

Me: *With the inner eye roll because I know where this is going. “Yeah, somebody’s gotta pay the bills.”

Real Life Douche Biscuit: *Sympathetic look* “I know that is hard. I just saved our family $80 when I bought 100 bottles of shampoo with coupons.”

Me: “What? What the fuck does that have to do with anything? Do they have coupons for mortgages? 'Cause if so, I fuckin’ need one.”

Okay, so I made some of that up, but you get the idea.

People often don’t realize the sacrifices each mother makes to take care of her family. No family is the same. They all have different needs and wants that must be fulfilled in some way or another. That is why it is so difficult to understand this whole thing.

I hope we can collectively realize each parent plays a valuable role in their child's life. More importantly, I hope those Judgy McJudgersons who lead this mommy skirmish will eventually realize most mothers are trying their best to raise good children regardless of their parenting choices.

This video, while an extreme act of emotional terrorism,

captures the true essence of mommyhood.

Until you judge me, I don’t give a rip what you do. Start the judging, and I’m gonna judge the ever-livin’ shit out of you. So much so, I may just end up punching you in your gunt (If you don’t know what that is, Google it).

The point is, just mother your children (who will never be as good as mine anyway) and stay the hell out of my business. I may just stay out of yours.

In the meantime, read this. It says every thing my feeble brain can't: End the Mom War.