Something to Get Off My Chest

I’m a good person. At least I think I am. That’s what’s important, right? Thinking the best of yourself is the first step on the road to being your best. That’s what I’m trying to be.

The best.

My boss doesn’t think that I am, though. Stupid prick. He just sits on his ass all day, trying not to think about the fact that he doesn’t have a lot of time left. None of us do, really. Ever since the Founder kicked us out to fend for ourselves, it has been a sad state of affairs. Honestly, I’m just tired at this point. There’s none of the fun that there used to be, it’s all about trying to do as much as we can with what we have. But what’s the damn point of that? If we’re on our way out, why the hell are we even trying?

I say that I have a boss, but to be honest I haven’t seen him in years. I broke off a long time ago and I’m just doing my own thing, trying to find happiness in little ways. It hasn’t been easy though. I don’t have many friends. The ones I did have I lost in the move, and I don’t hang out with any of The Boss’s people anymore; I just don’t get them and they don’t understand me. It’s not as though I can make new friends very easily either. Everyone’s afraid of me.

I followed this one really pretty girl home one night. That was a mistake. I didn’t think she’d notice me but when her lights went out and she actually saw me… I don’t know, it was a stupid mistake. You just get lonely sometimes, you know? I didn’t think she’d actually die. People used to be made of stronger stuff.

Last week I was contacted by some of my old friends. They said they missed me and wanted to hang out. I regret going with them but I was at a particularly low point. So we go to a party that they had thrown together and I tell you, it was one of the most extreme ones I have ever been to. I have never been into their kind of entertainment, to be perfectly honest. Dismemberment, torture and necrophilia are not really my thing. I didn’t want to leave but I was not enjoying myself, so I excused myself. They were so engrossed in the activities I don’t even think they noticed.

There’s a nice little pub on 52nd that I like to go to occasionally. The owner is nice, I like him. He’s Catholic though. A hilarious group of people, those Catholics. They think they can keep me out of their churches and cathedrals and stuff but I’m always going in there screwing around with the idiots in the pews. And you would not believe how funny the priests are when you steal their crosses and hide them.

I’m sorry to unload on you like this, really. It’s just that I feel like nobody really gets what we’re all about. There are those of us that regret splitting off from the Founder, but there’s nothing we can do about it now. I just wish I could take it back, you know? This earth is really small, and it’s gotten so crowded of late. And those other guys we used to work with were so much more fun, so much better than the rabble I'm almost forced to associate with now. I wish I could see them again. They were almost like my brothers.

But I digress, don’t I? Let me get back to why I brought you here. I’m sure you’ve been wondering for at least a while now.

Every once in a while we need it. Need to… I don’t know how to describe it. Let me put it this way: It’s like when you eat nothing but healthy food all the time, you get tired of it, right? You need to… indulge. Well, I hope you’ll forgive me. I don’t enjoy this. Maybe it’s all that time we spent with The Boss, maybe the Founder kept us in line when we worked for him and we just don’t have that anymore… or maybe it’s boredom. But I hope you understand I don’t have a choice. Please don't think that this means you're a bad person. I’m just doing this because I'm still trying to be a good person, given the circumstances.

This will hurt, and it will last a long time. But I’ll leave your face as long as I can.