Greek Retailers Stocking Up On Shutters In Case Of Riots, Alcohol Inventories Plunge

While America may be experiencing the occasional zombie apocalypse breakout, probably due to the absence of easily available edible iPads, Greek retailers are preparing for the retail version. “British electrical retailer Dixons has spent the last few weeks stockpiling security shutters to protect its nearly 100 stores across Greece in case of riot. The planning, says Dixons chief Sebastian James, may look alarmist but it’s good to be prepared.” Why Dixons? “Europe’s No 2 electrical retailer Dixons owns Greece’s market leading but loss-making Kotsovolos chain, which has a 25-percent market share selling iPads and laptops as well as washing machines, televisions and air conditioning units.” There we go: Bill Dudley’s edible iPads. The question is what happens when this easily digestable piece of plastic is thoroughly looted after local rioters dispense with the “shutters” supposedly protecting their wares. What will be on the menu next? Sadly not booze: “Diageo, the world’s biggest spirits group and the name behind Johnnie Walker whisky and Smirnoff vodka, has reacted by slashing its marketing spend in Greece, reducing stock levels and pulling cash quickly out of the country after it saw its Greek sales halve in the last three years to less than 100 million pounds.” So: no food, no booze, no cheap 99 cent iPad aps: this is the way the world’s most miserable monetary experiment ends.