Psych Your Mind: A few questions you NEED to know the answers to

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One of the greatest and longest standing
scientific debates revolves around human
socialization and how much we can attribute
to nature versus nurture. In other words, are
we born with pre-existing dispositions to
certain kinds of behaviours, attitudes and
actions based on our genetic code/evolutionary
past? OR are we purely determined by
the environment(s) in which we’re raised? If
a combination of both, what role do one’s
peers, parents and other social influences,
such as the media, play in terms of bringing
out or repressing certain hardwired traits?
Interestingly, the very same questions can be
asked when it comes to the realm of psychological
maturity.

Are some inherently born with characteristics
more in line with psychological maturity?
OR does everyone come to the table
with the same capacity for developing psychological
maturity but one’s experiences
(and how one learns from and copes with
them) determine if/when said attitude is
embraced? Further, how much should one
allow him/herself to be influenced by factors
outside of the self (i.e., externalization) versus
listening to one’s brains (i.e., remember
there’s one in your head AND one in your
gut)?

I’m afraid there are no easy answers to
any of the above queries and, in fact, part of
your journey to establishing (and maintaining)
a psychologically mature perspective
may just consist of you attempting to find
solutions. The point in doing so, however,
would NOT be to come up with definitive
“end results,” but instead to evaluate and
analyze the process that took you there.

Yes, once again, my friends, it all comes
back to introspection: asking yourself what
makes you tick and understanding why/how
it all comes together. As I said in my very
first column, if any of your self-contemplations
result in superficial because “you’ve
been told to” or “that’s just how it’s always
been” types of answers, you’re NOT digging
deep enough. EVERYTHING, no matter
how seemingly mundane, has meaning and
motive behind it. Don’t forget that. Equally
important to remember is the fact that no one
enters your life unscathed or without baggage
of some sort trailing behind. So if you
find yourself feeling threatened by another,
instead of lashing out, ask yourself why –
it’ll serve you much better and help you
become a much more considerate, empathetic
individual – something I think we all
should strive to be.

Even those of you who’ve been practicing
the principles I’ve discussed this past year
for a long time – including minimizing
defensive reactions and focusing on longterm
gratification, among others – I’m sure
you still find yourselves in situations with
individuals who are “difficult,” to say the
least. You’ll come to realize that the biggest
dilemma you’ll ultimately face in life is the
fact that just because you’re reasonable and
willing to deal with situations in an “adult”
manner doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone
else is singing from the same songbook…
if you get my drift. Not to quote
myself unnecessarily, but the truth of the
matter is that “some people are just content
being assholes;” this obviously proves particularly
contentious when said individuals
are a necessary evil in your life (e.g., stepparents
and/or monsters-in-law). Of course,
this brings me to the topic of stress – something
else we’ve thoroughly discussed.

While some stress can be helpful and
motivating, too much can lead to emotional
overload and/or self-implosion. Life is all
about balance and honestly acknowledging
your limitations. There’s no cowardice or
shame in admitting when you need help or a
break. Confidence and a “can-do” attitude
will get you far, but too much pride is just
another issue waiting to bite you in the ass…
not to mention, as my online video interview
with Professor Olson of the University of
Western Ontario overviewed, arrogant people
aren’t much fun to be around!

As we revealed in our dissections of many
pathological “personality types” – such as
the “people pleaser,” “egoist,” “pessimist”
and “hypocrite” – insecurity as well as a lack
of gratitude appear to be two common root
causes. Considering we live in one of the
most privileged areas of the world, it’s hard
to think as to why the latter would be the
case at all. Priorities, people! As for the former?
Well, no two people’s situations are
alike, but it seems to me that bullying (by
BOTH authority figures and peers), along
with the promotion of unattainable social
ideals of what defines “happiness,” “success”
and “beauty,” are a serious part of the
problem.

In the end, everything comes down to one
simple, hard and fast question: Are YOU
happy? If you are, take stock of all of the
wonderful reasons why, never take such
things for granted and be sure to acknowledge
all of those who have or continue to
contribute joy to your existence. If you’re
conflicted, dissatisfied, stressed, sad or
angry more often than you think you
SHOULD be or more than you WANT to be,
it’s time to seriously start asking yourself
some deep questions: Who am I? Why am I
this kind of individual? Who do I want to be?
What do I want in life? What do I need to get
there? What drives me? What discourages
me? Who/what supports me? Who/what
stands in my way? Only YOU can ask and
only YOU can answer.

I’m sorry to say there are no magical solutions
or 10-step instructional manuals outlining
how one can obtain a life in which
they’re “living” rather than simply “existing.”
While many individuals will enter and
exit your life as your journey unravels (for
the better and sometimes for the worse),
remember it’s ultimately YOUR life – you
need to look out for YOURSELF first and
foremost – and that YOU have the power to
lead the kind of life you desire. It’s all about
your ATTITUDE, so, in closing, get out
your wrenches and start adjusting.

Interrobang

The Interrobang is published weekly by the Fanshawe Student Union at 1001 Fanshawe College Blvd in London, Ontario and distributed throughout the Fanshawe College community.