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Friday, November 07, 2014

So, the Patriots aren't playing this week. And I don't really have any particular topic on which I wish to rant and rail. SO, without further dudes, let's see if I can keep last week's momentum going, and string together my second straight week of wallet filling wisdom. Oh, and they'll be a buttfumble gif in honor of the return of Mark Sanchez. You know, because that needs to be recognized and celebraTed to the fullest extent of the Interweb. And I am here to do my part...

Enjoy...Week 10 Picks

Denver Broncos (-11.5) @ Oakland Raiders

So, the Patriots may not be playing this week. But the team they just cranked in the face is. And that aforementioned cranking is the reason why I like their chances of covering even this lofty numby. Yeah, that's a lot of points. And it's not like the Raiders have exactly been terrible of late. But Peyton's pissed. Or at least he should be. And that I'm expecting that anger will boil over into one of those 6 TD jump offs that he's so fond of turning in. You know, the same 6 TD jump offs that have him firmly ensconced as the best regular season QB of his era. AKA The ultimate backhanded compliment...

Pittsburgh Steelers (-5) @ New York Jets

I can't escape the feeling that Mike Vick is gonna screw me one of these weeks, and the Steelers seem primed to get their circus act knocked down a highwire or two. But the Steelers are clickin', guy. At least on offense. So that's why I'm taking them Besides, I can't get screwed by Vick if I don't pick against him. Unless I picked him and the Jets failed to cover. But then I really would have just been screwing myself. And you know what they say about screwing yourself. It's awesome! Wait...

New Orleans Saints (-4.5) vs San Francisco 49ers

Gronk's return to form in New England is getting all the pub. And rightfully so. But just as important has been the return to health of Jimmy Graham in New Orleans. He's not as dynamic as Gronk (and he's probably not as healthy yet, either), but he's just as important to what should still be a very dangerous offense. Oh, and finally having an effective Mark Ingram in the backfield isn't hurting their cause, either...

Buffalo Bills (+2) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Tennessee Titans (+10) @ Baltimore Ravens

Do you believe in miracles? No? Well, that's a picture of the Music City Miracle, up there. Figured I'd post it since I'm taking that game's two participants as underdogs this week coming out of their byes. And that's why I'm taking them. No, not so I could post the picture (but RUNNN YEAHHHH WOOO!). But because both are coming off their respective byes, and both are getting spotTed points. GranTed, I wouldn't be shocked at all if the Titans let Flaccid Joe go for 5 scores, or somethin'. But I'll take my chances with the points, and pray for a little miralce of my own. Maybe the "Sankey Panky"? Where RB Bishop Sankey throws some sort of pass? Because that would be fun to watch and laugh at for the 15 seconds it was on the Red Zone Channel...

Detroit Lions (-2.5) vs Miami DolphinsI like what the Dolphins have been doing, but I like the fact that Reggie Bush and Calvin Johnson are back for Detroit more. Just like with Gronk and Graham, Bush and Johnson are vital cogs to their team's offense. And having them back in the fold should prove enough for them to grab a home win coming out of their bye. Because apparently everyone now covers the spread coming out of their bye. Except this next team...

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+2.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

Man, remember that? When Devin Hester and the Falcons embarrassed the Bucs in week 3 on Thursday Night Football? 56-14. They smoked 'em. And everyone is going to be picking Atlanta to smoke 'em again. Especially since they too are coming off of the almighty bye. And especially since this line is so small. So, yeah. When the line looks weird, pick against the public. That seems like it could be a winning strategy, right? Sure it does. Now let's see if it works...

Green Bay Packers (-7) vs Chicago Bears

Yeah, and I'm not taking the Bears coming out of their bye, either. They're Ted in the water, at 3-5. With back to back losses (by an average of 25) heading into their bye. And while a rousing win in Green Bay would do wonders to turn their season around, they haven't shown anything over the past month that even suggests that they could get that done. Besides, if they really get blown out Brandon Marshall can leave early and get a headstart on this week's episode of his TV show...

And then there are these games. Usually there are more games that I don't touch on specifically. But between the bye weeks, and the Cowboys/Jags being pulled off the board (Romo status), I was left with fewer games than usual. So here we are. GO CARDS!

Arizona Cardinals (-7) vs St. Louis Rams

Seattle Seahawks (-9) vs New York Giants

Monday Night

Philadelphia Eagles (-6) vs Carolina Panthers

And finally, Mark Sanchez and his chance for BUTTFUMBLE REDEMPTION!!!

Nah, but he'll never be able to live that down. No matter how many touchdown passes he ends of throwing for the Eagles, and no matter how many wins he leads them to, he'll always be remembered first and foremost for this butt-fumbly piece of Interweb beauty. And for that, I'll be forever grateful...

Last Week: 9-6-0

Overall: 72-79-0 (.477)

In the college ranks, we're getting down to the nitty gritty. And I'm starting to catch fire! A trend I plan on continuing thanks to what should be a lot of close games. Unless it's a game where I picked a favorite to win big. In which case I hope that those games aren't very close at all. At any point. So yeah. Oh, and Notre Dame is going to lose...

NCAA Top 25 Picks(14) LSU (+6.5) vs (4) Alabama

(20) Utah (+10.5) vs (5) Oregon

(9) Kansas St. (+6) @ (6) TCU

(7) Michigan St. (-3.5) vs (13) Ohio St.

(11) Arizona St. (-2) vs (8) Notre Dame

(10) Baylor (+5) @ (16) Oklahoma

Kentucky (+10) vs (17) Georgia

Washington (+4.5) vs (18) UCLA

(19) Arizona (-16) vs Colorado

(22) Duke (-3.5) @ Syracuse

(24) West Virginia (-3.5) @ Texas

Last Week: 7-4-0

Overall: 45-36-3 (.554)

Well, that's it for me, Teds. So until next time, this is me telling you to keep your butts on the ground, and keep fumbling for the stars!