Arise! Arise! The British Are…Acting!

On screens big and small, the juicy Yank parts are going to people with names like Day-Lewis. How to fight back

Rob LaZebnik, a writer for "The Simpsons," explains to WSJ Weekend Review editor Gary Rosen how the U.S. can fight back against the insidious threat of British actors playing all the great American heroes in movies and on TV. (Photo: AP)

Daniel Day-Lewis, the son of an English poet laureate and a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company, just won his third Academy Award, this one for a stunning performance as Abraham Lincoln. I didn't think twice about a Brit playing our most American of presidents because Mr. Day-Lewis had already been our last Mohican, led our gangs of New York and drained our California oil fields.

But when Ulysses S. Grant appeared in "Lincoln," alarm bells went off: That actor, Jared Harris, played Lane Price, the persnickety Brit in "Mad Men." Don't get me wrong: Mr. Harris is "brilliant" (as his father, Richard Harris, would have said as Professor Dumbledore). But have we come to this—an Englishman playing not only our finest president but also our finest drunk?

The truth is that British actors are quietly taking the best roles away from Americans with all the effort of picking raisins from a scone.

We have long been comfortable with our villains snapping off dire threats in the King's English. Jeremy Irons, Alan Rickman and Malcolm McDowell are the founding members of this club. But now that the Brits are hoovering up our actual American icons, I must protest.

Whom do we call to turn back those Virgin Atlantic flights filled with actors from the Royal Shakespeare Company? Not Batman or Spider-Man—both are now played by Englishmen. Surely Superman will come to the rescue? Sorry, the new Man of Steel, Henry Cavill, is fighting for Truth, Justice and the British crown dependency Isle of Jersey—his home planet.

Even television dramas—once the gridiron of profoundly American actors like James Garner, Tom Selleck and James Gandolfini—have succumbed to a Queen's Guard: Stephen Moyer on "True Blood," Josh Bowman on "Revenge," Charlie Hunnam on "Sons of Anarchy." Last year's Emmy winner, Damian Lewis, plays a U.S. Marine hero harboring secrets on "Homeland": He's also hiding the fact that he's the grandson of the lord mayor of London.

Three stars on "The Walking Dead"— Andrew Lincoln, David Morrissey and Lauren Cohan—honed their Georgia drawls in the U.K. But surely "Andrew Lincoln" is an American name? Sadly, this rail-splitter was born in London as Andrew Clutterbuck. The only more Dickensian name on screen today is Benedict Cumberbatch—who will play an Oklahoman in the movie version of "August: Osage County."

Our poor Americans are even getting their arses handed to them by the U.K.'s former penal colony. From Simon Baker to Poppy Montgomery, Aussies are pinching network roles as well. Even Steve McGarrett on the new "Hawaii Five-0"—an American TV icon if ever there was one—is played by Sydney native Alex O'Loughlin.

Why is this happening? In the casting office, Hollywood producers are seduced by actors who toss off chitchat in beautiful English accents. The Brit walks in saying, "I don't mean to whinge, but traffic on the 405 was beastly," and then flawlessly shifts into his Royal Academy-trained American accent. The subconscious message is that underneath this stoic zombie hunter flows a river of complexity and charm. "Cheers!" he says, departing under a faint whiff of Earl Grey—and our folks are gobsmacked.

How do we fight back? It's up to the handful of remaining American stars to win this revolution. We need them to leave behind their huge salaries and SoulCycle classes in Los Angeles and head to the U.K. to nick iconic English roles. Brad Pitt is starting to develop the jowls to play Winston Churchill. Let's slap some foundation on Angelina Jolie's tattoos and give her a go at Queen Victoria. Show us Adam Sandler's Hamlet, Tina Fey's Jane Eyre and Matthew McConaughey's Martin Chuzzlewit.

Finally, the day may come when a Mark Wahlberg or a Paul Rudd or a The Rock is cast as James Bond. Then Prince William, as head of the British Academy of Film, will have no choice but to call his Yankee counterpart and ask for a truce: Brits will be played by Brits, Americans by Americans.

But the clock is ticking. The truce must arrive before a movie is made about President Barack Obama. Our casting directors will surely be tempted by Idris Elba, the fine actor who played a Baltimore drug lord on "The Wire," but who hails from East London. Or by David Harewood, the CIA counterterrorism boss in "Homeland," who's actually a member of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire.

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