Menu

V.B. wrote:“I am a sexually submissive male, and have a lot of fetishes, all related someway to FemDom. I have been addicted to financial dominaton for a while now and I need advice. It is a dangerous fetish and it has made me broke, shy, and less confident. I think foot fetish and humiliation triggers me to want to spend, and it’s really hard to fight it. Even now that I am not “owned” by a FinDom I still cant resist to find a girl online to submit to.

I live in a tiny city in Norway and there is definitely not a sexual therapist here, and even if I would see a local shrink he/she would definitely not know what findom even is. And this fetish to me has all been online and in English. Talking to a real person in my 1st language would be too humiliating and terrible for me. I don’t think I can do that.

Do you have any advice for me?”

Liz says: I consulted Rob Peach, a psychotherapist in Toronto who has experience treating people with sexual fetishes (click here to visit his website). He has this to say about your dilemma, V.B.:

“I think that, ideally, VB should use a ‘harm reduction’ approach to coping with these compulsive behaviours. That is, find a ‘Fin Dom’ that is not exploitive or likely to cause harm, but still is directive and domineering enough to satisfy his desires. There are lots of websites that sex positive, mature and reasonable folks use to satisfy their own kinks and sexual urges and, while it might be an investment of time to find someone that is trustworthy, I am sure she is out there!”

Mr. Peach also had advice about finding a sex therapist:

“I can’t imagine how humiliating it would be share this fetish with someone else. But, allowing shame and humiliation to get in the way of finding a therapist that can help only reinforces VB’s feelings of being unable to control these fetishes. I would urge him to find an online therapist, who can offer safe, confidential and non-judgmental support. There are increasing numbers of therapists who work online, and the good news is that they can be anywhere in the (English speaking) world!”

So there you have it, V.B! Find a FinDom who won’t be abusive to the point that you feel “broke, shy, and less confident” and consider searching for a sex therapist who offers help online. And here’s a tip from me about finding a FinDom you can trust: if you see any who brag that they made a sub still pay her after he says he lost his job/his wife left him/he’s going bankrupt, completely avoid her!