Article is total nonsense. I'm an engineer and i'm not cold or unable to love. I have simply made some remarkable improvements to my thermal efficiencies and introduced some dampening feedback to my emotional responses for improved stability and concentration.

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes that he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude.

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist."I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well..." says the balloonist. "Everything you told be was technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a Manager"

"I am", replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well..." says the man. "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met but now it is somehowmy fault."

/Not an engineer, even if my job title says so//Stupid BLS job descriptions

An engineer, a priest and a surgeon are playing golf one day, but they keep getting held up by a slow group ahead of them. Frustrated, they ask their caddie what's the problem with the slow group. The caddie explains, "Those are firefighters who lost their eyesight while saving orphans from a fire!".

Feeling chagrinned about his impatience, the priest says, "Oh, that's terrible, I'll pray for them." Not to be out done, the surgeon chimes in "I'll donate some time and see if we can repair their eyes."

Then, the engineer asks:"If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"

That is one of the first engineering jokes I ever heard. Wanna hear my favorite? ...too bad.

An engineer was talking to his buddy one day about a strange event that had happened to him.

"Man, it was bizarre. This amazingly beautiful woman rode up to me on a bicycle, threw it on the ground, tore off all her clothes and told me, 'Take what you want.' "

"So that's where you got that snazzy new bike from. Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit anyway."

Another great one:

Three engineering students were debating the existence and nature of the Almighty.

The first student, an electrical engineering major, argued that God must be an electrical engineer. "Just look at the human nervous system. The circuitry and neural pathways are astounding in their complexity and detail."

The second student, a mechanical engineering major, insisted that God was, in fact, a mechanical engineer. "Look at the human musculoskeletal system. Joints, loadbearing members, muscles pushing and pulling in perfect synchronization. It's poetry in motion."

The third student simply shook his head at the other two. "God is a Civil Engineer. Period."

"How do you know?" the pair asked.

"Who else would route a waste disposal pipeline through a recreational area?"

/Tip your veal, try the waitress.//Mechanical Engineer, happily married.///Still sometimes question my own sanity...I do think that engineers have a lower-than-average empathy score...we are just not people-person's by nature.//Don't think that makes me "dead inside..."/Unnecessary slashie to complete the pattern!

"You ever see an engineer's eyes? They have lifeless eyes,like a doll's eyes. Until they delete all your work, and the eyes roll over. Then there's the horrible scream,and the systems all crash. And despite all the pounding and hollering, all the engineers come in, and laugh at your pain."

I'm a mechanical engineer. I enjoy long walks on the beach, scratching trigonometric proofs into the sand with a large stick. I treasure the intimate conversations I hold with my computer, tossing my head back in laughter at the unexpected page fault error. And if it's warmth you're looking for, there's no one better at calculating thermal flux densities. So don't call me cold and insensitive, you four function math performing motherfarkers!

In the old days, if anything went wrong during an execution, it was taken as an omen that the accused was truly innocent, and he would be set free. And so it was that one day, a surgeon, a banker, and an engineer were brought to the town square to be guillotined.

The surgeon is led to the platform and strapped into the guillotine, and the switch is thrown... and the blade stops an inch from his neck. Taken aback by this clear sign from above, the executioner lets him go. Then the banker is led to the platform and strapped into the guillotine, and the switch is thrown... and the blade stops an inch from his neck. The executioner is weeping at this double miracle he has witnessed, but lets the banker go. Then the engineer is led from to the platform and strapped into the guillotine, and he cranes his neck around and says to the executioner "Hey, I think I see where the problem is..."

FTA: The computing students, once gender effects had been eliminated, actually came out basically the same as medical and caring types: they had turned out to be normal, warm, caring human beings. It was in fact the physics-based classical engineers who were dead inside.

"The computing students, once gender effects had been eliminated, actually came out basically the same as medical and caring types: they had turned out to be normal, warm, caring human beings. It was in fact the physics-based classical engineers who were dead inside. "heh./computer engineer/dead inside, mostly

AgriculturalArchitecturalChemicalCivil: Construction (with design standards for 2013)Civil: GeotechnicalCivil: Structural (with design standards for 2013)Civil: Transportation (with design standards for 2013)Civil: Water Resources and EnvironmentalControl SystemsElectrical and Computer: Computer EngineeringElectrical and Computer: Electrical and ElectronicsElectrical and Computer: PowerEnvironmentalFire ProtectionIndustrial (specifications for April 2013 exam) Beginning in 2013, the PE Industrial exam will be given in the spring. October 2012 was the last fall administration for the exam. See the news release for more information.Mechanical: HVAC and RefrigerationMechanical: Mechanical Systems and MaterialsMechanical: Thermal and Fluids SystemsMetallurgical and MaterialsMining and Mineral ProcessingNaval Architecture and MarineNuclearPetroleumSoftware (specifications for April 2013 exam) Administration of this new exam will begin in April 2013. See the news release for more information.Structural

you are correct, and look here kids Software made the list :D, wrong again IDW code monkies ARE engineers LULZ

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brains.Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. Engineer's brains sell for $1.50 per pound. He noticed with alarm that architect's brains sells for $10 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many architects it takes to get a pound of brains?"

Only 65.4% Dead inside, selling your soul to the oil and gas industry helps erase some of the deadness because of all the god damn fun I get to have...

"wait, so you're telling me, that you're giving me a multi-million dollar, several thousand barrel a day processing unit to play with?! and you're paying me?! YOU! Turn that valve.... :operator: Why?! :me: "just cause I can see what happens"

Pointy Tail of Satan:Funny but true in my case. Someone talking about "the weather" or their visit to the store is like nails on a chalkboard to me. And good luck finding a babe who wants to talk about neutron flux density or Wigner energy.

Crap. Me too. My wife will blather on about her day and all the utterly insignificant things that happened to her and how they made her feel. I have to sit there nodding my head like an idiot and pretend to care; beneath the surface, I'm screaming in pain and slowly dying from the soul-crushing mediocrity.

Engineers come in three flavors, Scotty, Geordi and Data. The Data ones are the best at sheer technical prowess, but the worst at dealing with others.

Doctors come in three flavors, Dr. Crusher, Dr. McCoy and Dr. Bashir. Bashirs are a little arrogant, Crushers have the best bedside manner, and McCoys typically wind up being the surgeons.

I.T. professionals are either Klingons, Cardassians or Trill. If your I.T. person is the kind of person who will irritatedly shove you out of the way, fix it without telling you how and then head back to the office, that's the Klingon variety. The Cardassian variety will block or disable stuff if you mess it up and takes great glee in having authority. And the Trill, being a joined species, is typically a person who started in I.T. but has another skillset, and is thus markedly more chill and fun at parties.

The receptionists, who seem to always be female, are also always Betazeds. Ever notice how a pudgy, middle-aged lady whose skillset includes phones, faxes, copies and typing somehow always knows everything that's going on with a staff of engineers, doctors and I.T.? It's because she's the team mom and everyone brings their problems to her, much like Counselor Troi. Same goes for the tendency of some younger receptionists to be quite busty.

An engineer, a scientist, and a mathematician are riding on a train through Scotland. Out the window, on the hillside, they see a black sheep. The engineer says "I guess the sheep in Scotland are black!". The scientist scowls and smugly corrects him; "All we know at this point is that SOME sheep in Scotland are black."

Finally the mathematician can stand no more and says; "All we REALLY know is that at least one sheep in Scotland is black on at least one side at least some of the time.

An engineer, a priest and a surgeon are playing golf one day, but they keep getting held up by a slow group ahead of them. Frustrated, they ask their caddie what's the problem with the slow group. The caddie explains, "Those are firefighters who lost their eyesight while saving orphans from a fire!".

Feeling chagrinned about his impatience, the priest says, "Oh, that's terrible, I'll pray for them." Not to be out done, the surgeon chimes in "I'll donate some time and see if we can repair their eyes."

Then, the engineer asks:"If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"

Yeah...love that one.

Three friends were reminiscing about their love-lives, and whether it was better to have a wife, or a lover.

The first, a lawyer, expressed his love and appreciation for his wife. "She is the mother of my children, and we have made a fine place for ourselves as cornerstones of our community. I couldn't be where I am in life without her."

The second, an artist, insisted that his mistresses were preferable. "They keep me young, and vital. They are my muses, and my inspiration. My art would be much the poorer without my mistresses."

The third, an engineer simply said this. "I have both."

His two friends looked incredulously at him. "Why would you do that? What reason could you have for insisting on both?"

"Well, each one naturally assumes that I am with the other, which leaves me free to go to the lab and get some real work done."

An engineer, a priest and a surgeon are playing golf one day, but they keep getting held up by a slow group ahead of them. Frustrated, they ask their caddie what's the problem with the slow group. The caddie explains, "Those are firefighters who lost their eyesight while saving orphans from a fire!".

Feeling chagrinned about his impatience, the priest says, "Oh, that's terrible, I'll pray for them." Not to be out done, the surgeon chimes in "I'll donate some time and see if we can repair their eyes."

Then, the engineer asks:"If they're blind, why can't they play at night?"

Optimist = The glass is half fullPessimist = The glass is half emptyEngineer = The glass is too big

An engineer works in a factory, keeping the machines running. After many years, he retires. A few weeks later, one of the key machines breaks, and no one can figure out how to repair it. In desparation, they ask the retired engineer to consult. He comes in, takes a look, marks a part with chalk and tells the "replace that part and it'll work." They replace the part and all is well - until the engineer's bill arrives - for $50K!!

Outraged, the company asks for an invoice, so the engineer sends this:$1 for chalk to mark with$49,999 for knowing where to put the mark.

oldfarthenry:littlett's: oldfarthenry: Mrs. Henry HATES it when I put my calculator on her back to determine the thrusts required to get the job done.

She expects you to be able to do the math in your head. She is just upset that she married one of the slow engineers. :P

A good engineer NEVER does math in his/her head. We don't even trust our own brains.

This is so true. I use three calculators from different manufacturers, then verify the results in Excel. Finally my intern confirms that both our eyes are reading the same numbers, before I commit to an answer. After that I round to the nearest round number, because you know... I'm an engineer, not a goddamn scientist.

CheapEngineer:WhippingBoy: Do they mean real engineers? (e.g. those with bona-fide engineering degrees?) Or those useless douche-nozzles who use the term "engineer" loosely because it makes them seem more accomplished than they actually are? I farking hate those tourist bastards.

Do they mean real engineers? (e.g. those with bona-fide engineering degrees?) Or those useless douche-nozzles who use the term "engineer" loosely because it makes them seem more accomplished than they actually are? I farking hate those tourist bastards.

And then when no one is watching, the people in medicine acted like total dicks and the engineers went back to giggling at videos of kittens.

Actually, a lot of people that apparently come across as warm, empathetic, and friendly to most seem terribly fake to me. They're all big smiles and "Hi! I'm a friendly happy person! I'm lovable! You should love me!" to which I respond "No," like that grumpy cat.