Well. It’s official now. The Atlanta Braves did the worst thing they could do during a slow news cycle. They offended the easily offended and gave the lazy journalist an easy column to write. MLB released the logos for the batting practice caps for 2013. The Mets have Mr. Met on the cap.

Baltimore has their silly Oriole on the cap.

The Atlanta Braves did the UNTHINKABLE…they also brought back one of their retro logos, the Screaming Brave.

This has sent sites like Uni Watch, Yahoo Sports and USA Today into a tizzy. How DARE the Braves bring back such an offensive, racist logo in the 21st Century? Before we get into the nuance of that argument, let me tell you about another offensive logo. One that FAR surpasses the Braves’ retro logo. This depiction is one that almost every person in America sees every week or so. Sometimes you can see it twice a week. This logo is seen at children’s birthday parties, church functions, government hearings, business meetings, weddings, funerals and bat mitzvahs. You see it in schools, hospitals and offices all around this great country of ours. I speak of course, of the racially insensitive pizza box cover.

This atrocity has plagued our country for well over 75 years. The depiction of some goofy, dim-witted, mustached Italian man on the boxes of MILLIONs of pizzas is uncomfortable at the minimum and is wholly and unequivocally offensive to any right minded person. As someone of Italian decent, I take umbrage to every single one of these images. These Italian men depicted in what I refer to as “pasta face” is so disturbing that I haven’t had pizza since 1996. We, as Italians, have overcome so much in our rich history. It took us years to overcome the stereo type of Italians as gangsters because of the Godfather movies. Only to have The Sopranos destroy all of the hard work we had done on that front. We convinced America that we were more than lust filled, vain, macho muscle heads only to have the Rocky movies persuade every Italy guy to nickname himself the “Italian Stallion”. Yes, it’s true. We love our mother’s cooking, we have all owned or knew someone who owned an I-ROC Z, Cutlass, Monte Carlo or Firebird, we love gold jewelry and we tend to spend a lot of time on our hair. But the depiction of the typical Italian man as some bozo with a handle bar moustache running feverishly in a kitchen to make sure that some jerk gets his pizza on time is simply ludicrous. We must ALL come together and protest every pizza box maker and pizzeria until they cave to our demand for a racially sensitive box that ALL Americans can agree to. The voice of Italy will NOT be muted!!!

Ok, I hope we all see where I’m going with this. Paul Lukas (Uni Watch), Kevin Kaduk (Yahoo Sports), Chris Chase (USA Today) and the like need to get a grip. Yes, some things are offensive. And yes, there are things out in the big wide world that we need to curtail. The Braves retro logo isn’t one of them. As some people read the above column, I’m sure they thought I was off my rocker. I’m sure some knew I was illustrating how absurd this whole logo argument is. But some may have said to themselves “yea, that box IS kinda offensive, someone should do something about it”. You know what we should do about it…nothing. Let the market decide if the pizza box needs changing and let the market decide if the Braves logo needs changing. Unless your name is William Winthrop IV and you’re a 50 year old white guy, you most likely hear, see or read something you find offensive to your gender, race, religion, sexual origin or creed. And I bet if you ask the 50 year old white guy, he’d say he’s getting hit too. So please, can we all just agree that everything in the world is offensive to someone? Because if that’s the case, we will just have to live and let live. And by the way…I’m TOTALLY getting one of those hats and I just might order a pizza.

For more of my shenanigans, follow me on Twitter at @YourDailyVinnie. Thanks!

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