Creative Cell Phone Toting for the Fashion-Averse

Bad news for female iPhone users: there is no way your new phone is going to fit in the front pocket of any pair of pants you currently own.

I know this because I’ve owned the Nexus 4, which is about the same size as the new iPhone, for the last two years. So I’ve had a lot of time to explore solutions to this problem.

The upside, for me, is that things are about to get easier: every accessory on the market is designed for the iPhone. But I’ve looked around, and we’re not in big-cell-phone utopia yet, so check out these tips for helpful ideas.

1.Your hip pockets.
Not actually recommended, even if the iPhone 6 is not actually as bendy as early reports suggested. The problem is that if you sit on your phone, it’ll give you back problems. It probably will fit, at least until they release the next upgrade, at which point, who knows.

2. Vests.
The kind with pockets, obviously.

Available from King Ranch Saddle Shop, but please remember – if you wear it you are obligated to look wistfully into the distance.

In the winter, you can wear a fleece vest with zippered pockets; in the summer, look for gardener, photographer, safari, and “tactical” vests, all of which have abundant pockets and minimal weight. You could also try something called a “concealed carry” vest, which is designed to let you carry a handgun, though you may want to get the measurements of the pockets before you assume it’ll work. Guns are large and bulky, but shaped rather differently from an iPhone. Still, a lot of these vests provide additional roomy pockets and there’s no law that says you need a handgun in order to wear a vest that accommodates one.

3. Aprons.

There are “chef,” “gardener,” “tool belt,” and (of course) “tactical” varieties, or you can match it with heels and pearls for a full-on June Cleaver look and go “retro,” because even the frilly, 1950s-housewife styles of apron usually come with pockets.

5. Hip Holsters.
I’m not sure why they aren’t actually making these explicitly for cell phones yet. You can find a hip holster that’ll fit your new iPhone by looking for “leg wallets” (look for a large one; if it’s sized specifically to fit the old iPhone, it won’t fit the new one) or a “leg dump pouch” (look for a smaller one, these run large. Also, you’ll need a belt to provide additional support.) Leg wallets are designed to be worn under your clothes to foil pickpockets; dump pouches are designed to go over clothes and are also in camo-style colors because they’re actually a gun accessory.

ThinkGeek has an actual hip-holster-for-gadgets and it’s sized more to accommodate all the stuff you might otherwise put in a purse.

The artist appears to do custom orders, so with some cash, you can get the perfectly-sized iPhone carrier of your wildest dreams. Provided you dream in Steampunk.

6.Fanny packs.

Available in every color you can think of, as well as finely-tooled leather, handcrafted-in-Guatemala, and (of course), “tactical” varieties. If you’d prefer not to think of yourself as the sort of person who’d carry a fanny pack there’s also the “running belt,” which is basically a less-roomy, more-tightly-fitted style of fanny pack.

Yeah, everyone but me does this already. You probably don’t need to worry that this will give you breast cancer.

8.POCKETS, DAMMIT.
Look, my husband drops his cell phone into his pants pockets without a second thought and has room for a wallet in there, too. It’s not like we can just wear men’s pants; there are proportional issues here. WOMEN’S PANTS NEED POCKETS.

Come on, pants manufacturers of the world; I already buy unfashionable mom jeans. I have nothing to lose if you give me adequate pockets.