Hard lesson to learn

Her own addiction helps her understand meth epidemic

Her own addiction helps her understand meth epidemic

June 13, 2007|IDA CHIPMAN Tribune Correspondent

ROCHESTER -- Deborah Moss has spent 17 of her 33 years as a dope addict. "I was 12 years old, living in Henderson, N.C., when I first smoked pot," she said. "My father was a user," she added. "He was in prison before my fifth birthday." It was almost like a family thing. Deborah's 17-year-old brother has lost his mind due to methamphetamine use. Her cousin and her stepmother both overdosed and died while high on heroin. When her father was released from prison after 3 1/2 years, he earned his GED, became a chef and apparently was on the road to recovery. Something happened, and he started using all over again. "Daddy introduced me to cocaine," Deborah said. "I began using both coke and pot on a daily basis." Deborah quit school in the ninth grade. She was 15 years old and pregnant. She and her boyfriend were both druggies. She married him when she was 17. "He wanted to quit, but I still wanted to party," she said. A second pregnancy ended in a premature birth at 4 1/2 months. The baby died. After four years, her husband, fed up with her addictions, left. Deborah moved to Hammond in June 1993. "I was still an addict, but I wanted to change my life. What I really did was just change states." She lived with her aunt and uncle, but things were no better. "I was smoking weed and drinking all the time," she said. She got a job cleaning motel rooms but was fired after she was caught smoking pot in one of the rooms. Deborah was dating a full-fledged addict at the time. She ended up marrying him and moving to Gary. Despite having two more babies, their marriage was rocky. "He battered me on multiple occasions," she said, "and was often jailed for it." "I knew I was doing wrong," she said, "and I talked to God about it. I always believed that sometime, somehow, He would heal me. "But just not right now." Seven years ago, on her daughter's second birthday, her daddy came over for the birthday party. He offered her some meth. "Just to try it," he said. Turns out, he was not only using but making the drug. You can get the ingredients, according to Deborah, at any Dollar Store. Many of them you have in your home. "Want to kill yourself? Stir well, using such household products as ammonia, starter fluid, cold medicine, lithium batteries, rock salt, muriatic acid, Drano, rubbing alcohol, camping fuel, Kitty Litter, windshield wiper fluid, Heet, cold tablets, lye, phosphorus. And more." Deborah said she would have sold her soul to the devil for meth. "I was out of control. I couldn't manage my cravings or my behavior. I had paranoia and didn't sleep for days. "My dog looked like he turned green right before my eyes." She tried to commit suicide twice -- once by drowning herself in the tub and another time with an automatic pistol. "I hated myself," she said. "I had no life, no spirit." "Lord," she would sob, "let me die. If you won't heal me, let me kill myself!" One night with both of them "tweaked out" on "ice," Deborah's husband had delusions that she was going to stab him to death. "He beat and choked me until I passed out," she said. She ran from the house. At the hospital, her injuries included a shattered cheekbone and the loss of sight in her right eye. She left her husband and fled to Rochester, where she lived with relatives before getting a house of her own. Deborah said then the Lord "stepped in." In a somewhat different way. She got busted for dealing narcotics. Tried in Fulton county, as a first offender, she was sentenced to 15 years, nine years suspended with six years to serve plus five years probation. Deborah spent six months in the county jail and 2 1/2 years in the Rockville (Ind.) Correctional Women's Prison. "It was not easy time. I was in and out of the lockup for fighting. My first attitude was, 'God, if You loved me, You would not do this.' "It took a while but when I finally confessed that I would try to live right, I accepted Jesus right then and there. "I thank God every day for prison. It changed my life." Released on Nov. 20, 2004, she went back to Rochester. She worked in a cabinet factory in Logansport, Ind., and later for a woman who had broken her leg and needed help in the home. "God did a lot of work on me in prison," she said, "and I knew He was going to use me." And so He has. Deborah is the group facilitator for the totally free faith-based Meth Support Group that meets every Monday evening at the Promised Land Church outside of Rochester. She has presented her "Meth in Your Back Yard" programs at Caston Elementary, Knox Middle School, Winamac High School and for the Drug Free Council of Marshall County. Deborah has given radio talks in Logansport, Plymouth, Kokomo and Rochester and appeared on local TV news broadcasts. "I am available for church events, school assemblies, seminars, youth groups -- anyone who calls," she said. There is no charge, although she does accept donations to cover the cost of the books she gives out to those who want them. Deborah met, fell in love and married her youth pastor, the Rev. Wade Moss, a single parent with custody of his three children. They live in a home with his trio and her two youngest. Her oldest son is in Marine boot camp in Parris Island, S.C. She is six months pregnant with her and Wade's daughter, Savannah Grace, who is due to be born on Sept. 5. At last, she feels safe. She feels drug-free. "I didn't know how to live until now," she said. "God has come to my side and sent me Wade -- he is my angel."