TTC with husband and friend took advantage

Me and my husband have been TTC for the past 4 months. About 3 days before I ovulated me and him went out and drank at a friends house and he decided that he was done for the night but I wanted to stay. I ended up getting really drunk with a bunch of our friends.

I woke up the next day at our friends house, and I felt c*m inside me. My husband wasn't there and I was in the guesthouse. I feel very embarrassed and confused. I asked one of our friends if I went to the guest house alone or if anyone walked me there and she said that 2 of our friends went in to check on me that she knew of.

I don't want to accuse either of the 2 of doing something, but I just can't shake the feeling that I was taken advantage of.

Since we are actively TTCing, I went about my business like normal the day before ovulation and everyday during it we had sex, trying to increase our chances.

But now, I am grappling with these thoughts of, "what if I get pregnant and its not my SO's", "is it all in my head?" "was someone close to me, able to defile me in the worst way while I was knocked out?"

What is the possibility that I could have gotten pregnant from that night? Do I tell my SO knowing that he might never be able to look at me the same? Do I report this?

I am at a loss at the moment. I honestly wanted to take Plan B but was scared that it would make it harder for us to try and conceive. We've been together so long and we really want this.

I think it would have worked better if you had gone in that day and had something done and taken a Plan B, but you can't live life in regret. It is entirely possible for sperm to live 3-5 days and it could very well be another persons if they did indeed c*m at that time.

There isn't really much you can do at this point other than confront the guys, if you go to the police they really don't have any evidence unless you have one of them admit it. I would be honest with your SO though, it is not your fault this happened to you.

ETA:
I am sorry that it did happen but hopefully your SO understands, and will stand by you through this.

<blockquote><b>Quoting [JadeLee]:</b>" I think it would have worked better if you had gone in that day and had something done and taken a Plan ... [snip!] ... unless you have one of them admit it. I would be honest with your SO though, it is not your fault this happened to you."</blockquote>

:!:

user banned
17 kids; Boston, MA, United States9473 posts

6th Apr '13

yeah the cops would have been my first call, then SO.

how do you know it is seemen and not EWCM?

were you that drunk that you cant remember or do you think you were drugged?

ETA also...i should really hope your husband isnt the kind of man that would look at you any differently after something like this. i would hope he would stand with you and face it with you.

ETETA also, i would not have called the cops to file charges but if you couldnt shake the feeling you were taken advantage of they could exam you and tell you if you were. I hope nothing did happen. it must be hard to think that it did, trying to think of who would do that...not being able to trust any of those friends without an answer. im sorry...

Are you sure it was c*m and not a lot of cervical mucus? Not that I'm doubting your story, but was there anything else leading you to believe that you slept with someone or were taken advantage of? I really don't know what to tell you, I'm sorry that you think there's even a chance that someone might have taken advantage of you though. :( It's really tough because if you're not sure that's what happened, it would suck to potentially get someone in a lot of trouble or cause issues between you and your husband when nothing really happened, but on the other hand if something did happen I wouldn't want to let it go either. I really don't know, I wish you the best of luck with all of this though. -hugs-

<blockquote><b>Quoting cunning cuniculi:</b>" yeah the cops would have been my first call, then SO. how do you know it is seemen and not EWCM? were you that drunk that you cant remember or do you think you were drugged?"</blockquote>

Quoting cunning cuniculi:" yeah the cops would have been my first call, then SO. how do you know it is seemen and not EWCM? were you that drunk that you cant remember or do you think you were drugged?"

I blacked out, I definitely wasn't drugged I just don't handle alcohol well.

I know it was semen. My EWCM is nothing like that stuff. I don't leak it out and this stuff was.

Maybe it wasnt c*m and it was cervical mucous since you were ovulating? i hope so, I'd hate to think any of your friends would take advantage of you. I would have called the cops or went to the hospital. I would have told my husband right away too.

<blockquote><b>Quoting unsure an nervous:</b>" I blacked out, I definitely wasn't drugged I just don't handle alcohol well. I know it was semen. My EWCM is nothing like that stuff. I don't leak it out and this stuff was. "</blockquote>

Sorry OP- have you already showered? You can go try and get a rape kit done

Quoting Elliot Grace's Mama:" <blockquote><b>Quoting unsure an nervous:</b>" I blacked out, I definitely wasn't ... [snip!] ... it out and this stuff was. "</blockquote> Sorry OP- have you already showered? You can go try and get a rape kit done"

No, I didn't want to act like anything was different so me and my husband did the deed just like we have been. I didn't want him to tell that anything was different.

I think the reason why I'm so sure that I was taken advantage of is because at the guest house in the trash can there was a condom wrapper and condom. It kinda looked like the packaged was opened and then just tossed it, the condom wasn't even rolled out or anything.

But that could have been there already and I feel like I might just be making correlations that aren't really there.

OP, if you know who was there with you could you flat out ask them if you slept together? I wouldn't accuse them of anything because then they might lie, but maybe say that night is kind of foggy for you and you're just trying to put it together. Several years ago before I had kids I got really drunk and apparently slept with a friend's brother. I knew I'd done something because I woke up naked and gross but I had to ask what happened because I couldn't remember. From what everyone told me we were both shit faced and one thing just kind of lead to another. I went to the doctor and got Plan B and chalked it up to being stupid. Not that I'm saying you were being stupid, so don't think that. Just saying if you ask, you might get the real story. Or at least enough of it to know what happened that night.

Quoting ρiηkie ρie:" OP, if you know who was there with you could you flat out ask them if you slept together? I wouldn't ... [snip!] ... think that. Just saying if you ask, you might get the real story. Or at least enough of it to know what happened that night."

Thank you, I will do this. I hope everything works out. All this time TTCing to have it ruined by someone else would be devastating.:cry:

Quoting unsure an nervous:" Me and my husband have been TTC for the past 4 months. About 3 days before I ovulated me and him went ... [snip!] ... it harder for us to try and conceive. We've been together so long and we really want this. Any advice is greatly appreciated."

If you were raped you need to report it (if you were too drunk to remember it and a man -or more had sex with you knowing that you were that drunk, that is rape). And yes.. if you had unprotected sex and you 'felt c*m inside of you' then there is a chance you could get pregnant.
I would not brush something like that off :?. I would tell my husband first and for most what I thought may have happened, then get to the bottom of it. And if I found out I WAS raped then I would be going to the police!!