I feel like hell. I’m in a very bad mood tonight, without really knowing why. I think things are beginning to take their toll on me; there are too many conflicting interests, goals, and values all happening at the same time as twelve-to-fourteen-hour workdays.

My computer is too slow.

I have a headache.

I don’t feel like I have enough contact with my friends or family.

I’m short with them when I do have contact.

I don’t like coffee shops, but I am spending nearly every non-working hour in them.

I told J— recently that I felt like I was disappearing, and tonight I feel it more acutely than before.

—

Someone just brought to me a portrait of me they’ve been doing while I’ve been sitting here working. I bought it for $3.00. His name is “Llloyd with three L’s.”