You see, I thought I had won the lotto in husbands. Caring? Check. Attentive? Check. Loyal? Well, un-check.

It only took one text message to change my life. That’s when I discovered my loving husband had been unfaithful. His infidelities ended our marriage.

The shock was like a freight train hitting me. The pain was unimaginable. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to exit my body like a character in a cartoon.

I had so many questions. What happens next? Do I stay for the sake of the kids? Do I stay because, well, that’s what some women do? And oh my God, what do I do with all of this anger?

This wasn’t my first rodeo. Unfortunately, I’m no stranger to divorce. My parents split up when I was 3 years old, and I lived with my mother. (In those days, you lived with one parent, and I didn’t see my dad throughout most of my childhood.)

Then, my first marriage to Oliver’s father didn’t work out. But I still clung to my dream of having an intact family. I wanted it more than anything.

I realized part of my self-esteem was tied to being a wife. But ultimately, I made the decision to leave my marriage. It was especially tough because I adored the idea of a whole family — but I love my children way more than I hate his betrayal.

With the help of therapy, time and some books that gave me the courage to face my pain, I found a way to cope with my divorce. More importantly, my ex and I put our love for our children above everything else. We have even come to a place where we can hang out together with our boys to make sure they have a solid, stable upbringing.

Jax and Jaid – Courtesy Garcelle Beauvais

It hasn’t been easy. I repeat — not easy. And I admit that at first, my rage threatened to break my spirit. You may have heard about the angry email I fired off to some of his colleagues and friends of ours. (I did it hours after I found out the truth, and I never expected it to leak to the press. But in the digital age, I guess nothing is private. Lesson learned.)

After that, strangers — women and even some men — approached me in public. They told me I was so strong. But I didn’t want to hear that I was strong because I felt like it negated my pain. And pain overwhelmed me.

Adultery is the ultimate deal-breaker for me. I would rather be alone than in a relationship that doesn’t honor me. My mom had taught me to be strong. I come from a long line of women who can hold a grudge — and if my ex and I didn’t have children together, he would be dead to me! I joke, but this was one dysfunctional family tradition I had the power to break.

First, I had to mourn for the marriage I thought I had. My wonderful family and friends were there for me and did everything in their power to distract me from my sadness with hundreds of bottles of wine, spa days, and girls’ nights out.

I will appreciate them forever for taking such good care of me, but I knew that the only way to get better was to endure the rollercoaster of emotions that came with the situation.

Being still was the hardest thing for me. It meant that I had to feel, that I had to cry. This book gave me permission to sob so much that my stomach hurt. On the bright side, those crying sessions were some of the most intense workouts I ever had in my life!

In Linda Salazar’s Awaken the Genie Within, she wrote, “Forgiveness is about you, not the other person.” That was the hardest thing for me. Usually, I associate forgiveness with forgetting and lessening my hurt. (Remember, I wanted to hang on to my pain. It was all I knew.)

As it turns out, forgiveness helped me. I had to forgive him, but I also had to absolve myself for not seeing the warning signs; for choosing this man. Achieving forgiveness lifted an enormous weight off of my shoulders. It made me light in the best way.

Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship was another great read. It taught me to own my life and take control. I was especially struck by this advice of his: “Heal your half and you’re going to be happy. If you can heal that part of you then you’re going to be ready for a relationship without fear, without need. You can only heal your half.”

The profound words helped me take responsibility for myself. Divorce isn’t one-sided, and I am by no means perfect. Becoming accountable for my role in the relationship was very empowering.

After doing all this work on myself, something miraculous happened. I found my strength. I found my voice. I found the real me that I hadn’t realized was lost.

One day, Jaid said to me, “Mommy, when I’m with Daddy, I miss you, and when I’m with you, I miss Daddy.” It broke my heart. That’s why we spend time jointly with our boys.

We throw them birthday parties together. We both go to their karate lessons and soccer games. (Now we even sit next to each other — something I wasn’t able to do when things first fell apart. You see? Progress!)

It can take years to recover from a divorce. I still have times when I struggle with the hurt of everything that happened. But my kids are my reason for working so hard to get to the other side of this. They inspire me every day.

My ex and I put our boys first. When you have a lot of love from both of your parents, you feel confident. We’re both there for them. When I look at the boys, I know they’re okay and that’s the most important thing. They’re okay.

I hope that other moms out there who are coping with a similar situation are finding peace and enjoying their children. Please share your stories with me in the comments.

Have a great month,

– Garcelle Beauvais

P.S. Next time, we’re going to have some fun. We’ll talk about dating as a single mom!

I really feel for you Garcelle. I was also cheated on and am now a single mom as the father not only cheated but left our family. It is so hard and seeing you and how you handled it is so inspiring to me. I hope you can continue these blogs to give women the strength and courage to move past their pain. I needed this, thank you.

barbara b
on July 24th, 2012

Been in the same situation. My x and I usually can get along fine. His wife (the one he was cheating on me with) and I are pretty great friends. You do what you gotta do and I trust her much more than I trust him.

Jennifer
on July 24th, 2012

It takes a strong woman to move from betrayal to sitting next to her ex at soccer games and throwing birthday parties together. You’ve obviously grown in so many ways!

Good for you!
Jennifer

Crystal
on July 24th, 2012

Wow! Thank you Garcelle for being so open and honest. I know the transition has been tough but you are handling it with dignity and grace. Anger has a way to consume us and make it hard to move forward. However, through therapy, family/friends support and the love and trust in the Lord you will get through it. You are living proof of that.

I admire your strength. Good-Luck as you continue this journey because it definitely is a journey! :)

Rebecka
on July 24th, 2012

Thank you for your honest heartfelt blog. A single mother after a 13 year relationship – I can relate. I’m going to read the last book you suggested – I need to heal some pain so I don’t run the garbage in to a new relationship : )

Amy
on July 24th, 2012

My husband of 11 yrs left me about 7 months ago for a white trash woman he met in a bar. I’m sure she is tons more fun than me considering she chain-smokes, drinks like a fish, and only sees her 3 and 6 yr olds four days a month.

He moved out on the day we had the first ultrasound for our 5th child, so in a month I am suddenly going to be a single, unemployed mother of 5 kids. Talk about your life veering off track!

I still have a lot of bitterness, working past it is so hard. I want to find a way to get along with him but he is a real Jekyll/Hyde type. It is inspiring to read about another mom going through the same struggles.

Meg
on July 24th, 2012

I have yet to see a celebrity post here that was like this: honest, touching, and unafraid that what she says may be unflattering. It was not self-congratulatory. In fact, this was so real and so helpful to others who may be in a similar situation.

While I’m not in the same boat, I recently had a stillborn son and can relate to the feelings of anger and hopelessness and will take her book recommendations. This will make me read the celebrity posts here again.

Good luck, Garcelle! What a beautiful family you have.

Pamela
on July 24th, 2012

Thank you for posting this blog this month. After reading this I think I’m going to try my hardest to just enjoy my kids. I am going through a similar situation but their dad is only around when he feels like it. I wish I had the money to go buy books or go to counseling or even had friends to take me out. All in time.

I have a 1yr old and in two weeks my oldest will be 4. I just hope I can get to a point where I don’t feel like I have failed my kids. I’m glad to read your post and hear that things do get easier in time. Thank you again.

Pamela

Jen DC
on July 24th, 2012

Thank you for your honesty – it’s refreshing to see it admitted that it takes WORK to grow, and that all of us, even though we are adults, still have growing to do!

And good work for forgiving yourself. We often forget that.

Julianna
on July 24th, 2012

I loved this post. Heartfelt, honest, genuine. Garcelle is an inspiring woman.

Seriously?!?
on July 25th, 2012

This post gave me goosebumps. Garcelle, you seem like an amazing woman. Thank you for being so open and honest. Refreshing!

victoria
on July 25th, 2012

best blog i have read on this site- honest= open and heartfelt-

good for you!!! and THANKS!!

Marky
on July 25th, 2012

My friend, a single dad who went through the same thing as Garcelle, has made a huge effort to get along with his ex for the same reasons as described by Garcelle. His children mean the world to him and he has chosen to stay single until they are grown, rather than cause them to have to deal with too many relationships. The kids are growing up very well, and he will be able to do all the things he wants to in a couple of years. In the meantime, everyone has done really well through the years, thinking about what the kids need without them ending up self-centered.

Garcelle is doing the right thing by getting along with her children’s father and working with him to raise them the best they possibly can. If he isn’t all he should be, the kids will catch on and they will not resent her for having kept them from their father.

JM
on July 25th, 2012

lovely blog. those boys are absolutely adorable.

luckily i have never had to deal with something like this, and i trust my husband completely, but as you say, you can never say that you won’t ever be in that situation yourself. my friends have been at the receiving end of infidelity and i know it is heartbreaking. it is wonderful that you have managed to put everything aside to ensure that your children have a peaceful childhood and contact with their dad.

all the best to you!

barbara
on July 25th, 2012

If you don’t have money to buy the books try your local library. You can check them out to read for free!. Good luck in the future.

Birdie
on July 25th, 2012

Thank you for being so open and honest! (I thought it was great back then when you sent an e-mail to his colleagues, it shows you take no bs, just my opinion.)

It must have been hard, but it is nice to see you came out of this situation stronger and you try to be a good parent.

Danielle
on July 25th, 2012

Thank you so very much for being honest. Thank God for giving you the strength to do this for yourself and your boys!

I am so proud of you.

Tajuana
on July 25th, 2012

I am in tears as I read..Not because of the pain but because of the joy your kids bring to your life and the woman that emerged as a result of…

Sherry
on July 25th, 2012

Wow–how honest and profound. Thank you for sharing b/c many women (and men) either have or will deal with this at some point in a relationship.

I honestly believe there’s no right or wrong–you have to do what’s best for you. Many can get past infidelity–that’s ok, it doesn’t make them weak. Many CAN’T get past infidelity and that’s ok too, it doesn’t make you unforgiving.

Steffanie
on July 25th, 2012

Oh my, do I know how this feels…I found out my husband was cheating on me when my son was 6 months old. Her words are the same one’s I’ve said over and over…

“They told me I was so strong. But I didn’t want to hear that I was strong because I felt like it negated my pain. And pain overwhelmed me.” SPOT ON!!

“Divorce isn’t one-sided, and I am by no means perfect. Becoming accountable for my role in the relationship was very empowering.” AGAIN, SPOT ON!!

My ex and I now have a great relationship for the sake of our soon to be 4 year old son!

Raini
on July 25th, 2012

I would like to commend you for working towards getting along with your ex. As a product of extremely bitter divorced parents I can tell you that you are saving them a lot of pain and heartache by doing so. My mother, who was cheated on as well, hated my father so much that she couldn’t even call him by name and I wasn’t allowed to see him.

It was not easy growing up around that much hatred so please know that what you are doing is selfless and I applaud you because it can’t be easy. I would like to say thank you for taking the higher road for your sons. I doubt they will ever know how hard it could have been for them but thanks to your hard work they won’t have to.

Well done and keep up the good work!

Leslie
on July 25th, 2012

Way to be brave Garcelle. Great blog.

Shannon
on July 25th, 2012

So sorry you had to go through that. Stay strong. Hope you find love again.

Shine
on July 25th, 2012

Thank you! I needed this!

Judy
on July 25th, 2012

Garcelle, reading this almost had me in tears. I read this blog daily and never felt compelled to actually comment until today. Your candid and raw emotions touched me to the core. I fortunately have never been in your situation (and I hope to never be) but as you’ve said it can happen.

You are being the best mom to your boys and that’s all your children could ever hope for. I agree that forgiveness is about you and not the other person (which never made sense to me before). I wish you continued peace and strength. You are amazing.

Marky
on July 25th, 2012

Raini, thank you for giving the “child’s” point of view! So many times the adults involved can only think of themselves and the child gets lost in their bitterness. Again, thank you for sharing!

Elisa
on July 25th, 2012

how can men do that after a decade being together? seriously these women they’re with are even worse!

at first the title was weird and made me wonder what she was going to say, but after reading it I felt it was a great testimonial… some people forget their children and try to drive them against the other parent and that does so much harm to the child’s personality! great that even though her ex is a piece of garbage he’s still the boys’s father and that won’t ever change….

Crystal
on July 25th, 2012

Garcelle, what a beautiful blog. Your words were so encouraging and eloquently put. I’m happily married, and pray I’m never faced with what you’ve dealt with. But God forbid if I ever do, I’ll remember your words of wisdom and encouragement. God bless you!

I understand how you feel
on July 25th, 2012

Kudos to you Garcelle. I know it can’t be easy to accept the disappointment of your fairy tale coming to an end. As a woman you want your marriage to work, especially when you have kids.

I don’t know why people are ok with carrying on a deception. If you don’t want to be in the marriage then leave, don’t cheat on someone and lie to them everyday for years.

God Bless you and I hope that you find a man that loves, cherishes and RESPECTS you and the relationship that you have.

Deb
on July 25th, 2012

I appreciate you sharing your journey thru betrayal and divorce. The very same emotions you described; it was as if you were speaking of mine, as I too am working thru betrayal from my soon to be ex and someone who I thought was my best friend!

I look forward to reading more…its very helpful to somehow have another voice that is experiencing the same and sharing ways of coping!

Peace always

slawson
on July 25th, 2012

Wow…Thank you so much for sharing your heart openly and honestly. I was cheated on by my first husband, so I completely understand your pain. What growth and wisdom you share for others to learn from. I appreciate you sharing through your pain.

Kay
on July 26th, 2012

Thank you for sharing your story, the good and the bad. You are a beautiful and amazing person. God Bless!

Monique
on July 26th, 2012

Thank you. I am going through my third divorce. I don’t think anyone could feel like a bigger failure than me.

My friends also want to distract me from my pain. Why do people want to do that to someone who is grieving? My only answer is because it makes *them* uncomfortable. Who can tell someone how to feel? How to grieve? How they must cope?

I don’t want to love my grief process so much that I won’t let go when it is time. But, I also don’t want to be told that I can’t embrace it.

I feel like you. In order to heal, you must feel. Then let the tears wash away the effects.

I plan to look into some of the books you suggested.

God speed to you sister.

Marcella Fuentes
on July 26th, 2012

My divorce was finalized June 19, 2012. I filed for divorce after finding out my husband of almost 13 years and whom I thought I knew for 20 years, was cheating on me with a co-worker. I definitely relate to the pain of not seeing your children everyday, we have 3 together but only the last 2 go with him. The oldest is 18 and opts out.

My parents were married for 32 years until my father passed away, so this situation is very new to me. I am still living with the pain and anger as I’m continually finding out about my husband’s exploits while we were married. It angers me when I look at what he did to our family. The signs were there, but I wanted to believe what he told me, after all, he hadn’t ever given me a reason not to trust him in the 20 years we knew each other.

I have met his girlfriend, who was the woman he betrayed me with. For the sake of the children I am trying through prayer and my close circle to let the anger go. I’ve spoken to his girlfriend and basically called a truce for the sake of my children. It just angers me that it was my husband who caused all of this, but I’m the one making everything right.

Your blog has inspired me to keep trying and working to let my anger go. I’m in a new relationship and I don’t want any of this to seep into it.

A Coll
on July 26th, 2012

What an amazing story, which mirrors my life co-parenting with my ex-husband. We have two of the best children (4 and 3) and it really is about loving them to the max.

I laughed because my ex and I are able to sit together and watch our kiddoes play soccer too. It took a long time to get to that point, but we are there and it is so much better than being angry and upset about the past. The road to this point was long, sad and hard, but like you, being able to grieve, then forgive and move forward is a process I went through and needed to go through. I’m still learning and growing…will definitely check out those books!

Thank you for sharing.

crystal20
on July 26th, 2012

There are alot of bad me & women out there! My brother in law was married for eight years & his wife cheated on him. They also have a 7 year old son.

swb
on July 26th, 2012

garcelle you are truly a blessing. so rare for a celebrity to be honest, you are an inspiration. thanks for sharing.

pearl
on July 26th, 2012

Thank you for sharing such a personal and painful journey. Very inspirational!

Doretha
on July 26th, 2012

Thanks garcelle for such an honest blog. I had the same situation with adultry in my marriage and was a young single mom.

The hardest thing was forgiving myself for choosing to marry him. Over the years we co parented not as successfully as we could have but my daughter is now an adult herself and we are extremely close.

Hang in there ladies – it gets better.

MH
on July 26th, 2012

Thank you, Garcelle. You brought me to tears. Not just because of what you’ve endured, but because of how committed you are to your boys and how damn hard you’ve worked to do right by them — and yourself. In you, in who you’ve become, I can see the strong women you speak about in your family. Rock on!

Anonymous
on July 26th, 2012

Your email was really cool. He deserved it. I think he should feel very lucky about the fact that you tolerate him for your sons.

Patrisha
on July 26th, 2012

I almost cried, you said everything I needed to hear.

I want to be able to co-parent, 50/50, and able to enjoy time with my child and my ex be there with us. We can be in the same place together but he always throws some blows at me and compares me to his new girlfriend who is much younger than we are. I sit there quietly holding back anger, pain, and my opinion. Sometimes I wonder if I should put up with his harsh blows.

veronica
on July 26th, 2012

I am married and have a loving husband however Garcelle expresses some universal truths about how we learn to deal with internal pain and letting go or unable to let go of gut wretching pain. It really inspired me reflect on how open I am to forgiveness and how rage and anger can break my spirit. Garcelle did what I believe its the most difficult: Transcend the anger and look within to CHOOSE to LIVE with JOY <3

oly
on July 26th, 2012

This is the most honest, genuine post I have ever read on this website. You are a very strong woman.

This article is phenomenal, I am so moved by your honesty and transparency. Most celebrities divorce and move on so quickly like they never feel pain, hurt, disgust, anger, all of the things that one would rightfully feel when faced with such crisis!

I am proud of you for speaking the truth but my admonition goes with the fact that you have overcome a huge hurdle in your life. Keep moving forward like only you can, your sons will be the benefactors of your strength, and maturity!

Sara Jenkins
on July 27th, 2012

Garcelle,

Thank you for sharing that – I’m sure it wasn’t easy. I’m unmarried and with no children-yet. I know it didn’t work out for you but at least you sort of got to live out the dream? For awhile you had it all and that’s a lot more than most women can say these days.

I have a friend who is 38 and dying to have a family and she’s starting to realize it might not happen for her. I guess stories like yours are a reminder to all of us to count our blessings and enjoy the good, when it is good.

Take care!
Sara

Melisa
on July 27th, 2012

There is no pain that can equate for me than the pain my husband’s betrayal caused. I screamed, I cried, and I was so angry. It shook me to my core.

He is still with her, but after six months, I am at a point now where I have no emotion when I am with him. No anger, no love…nothing, which is bringing me peace. My priority is my children and ensuring what they need is provided.

Thank you for sharing.

Tara
on July 27th, 2012

You are an amazing woman Garcelle, good for you for coming out the other side.

It took me years to get over the pain of my childhood and I agree with the forgiveness part, you need to forgive for yourself not just the person who committed the crime. I forgave my past for what it was and the people that hurt and it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Good luck to you.

Chi
on July 27th, 2012

This post brought me to tears.. I’m glad the two of you were able to work it out for the sake of the kids. It’s not easy!

Mimi
on July 27th, 2012

Garcelle,

This was hands down the best blog on this site! Congrats on the growth you have made after the betrayal of your ex husband. I wish you and your boys all the best! Thank you for being so honest. Breath of fresh air on this site.

Amy
on July 27th, 2012

Wow! Just wow! You’re awesome.

Kate
on July 27th, 2012

I am not married but it seems there is so much infidelity these days and I am at the point that I just want a family, I don’t really care about being married anymore or finding Mr. Right. I am pushing 40 and it has been hard.

Garcelle has her kids, and she is not struggling financially to support her children either but she is not immune to being hurt by betrayal. It happens to so many of us and when the husband cheats, it’s usually with a woman who has nothing going for her and is very dependent on him-sometimes guys just want ‘someone else’- she doesn’t have to be a model, doesn’t have to be attractive, doesn’t have to be even a decent person,who knows why some guys leave their wives.

The point is, you need to come out better, not bitter, and move on. Don’t keep re-living what happened the day before-you will never get over it if you do that and then it defines you. I have friends, sisters, and co-workers who have all been cheated on, myself included. It sucks! But it shouldn’t be a life-ruiner, especially if you have your children.

In my book, children can replace a man anyday. Thanks for sharing your story

Sherae
on July 27th, 2012

Thank so much for your candor and honesty. Very heart felt and it sounds like you’ve found growth and peace. Kudos.

Jess
on July 27th, 2012

This was a beautiful, honest, heart-wrenching blog. I have no children but recently ended a relationship with a man I loved and thought I was going to marry — I had re-assess our entire relationship and come to terms with the man he really is.

I never comment on blogs, but your honesty really moved me — kudos to you. I can’t imagine seeing my ex (we nor I don’t have any children), your true strength amazes me!

Thank you for sharing your story and inspiring so many who can relate to your pain.

KATYA of KATYAMUSIC.COM
on July 27th, 2012

YOU ARE BRAVE AND STRONG!

Jennifer
on July 27th, 2012

Wow!!!!! Thank you. I can so relate. I found out on my sixth anniversary (we were together 13 years) that my husband had a girlfriend. I had a 3 year old and a 2 month old at the time. He had acted so horrible even at the hospital when our son was born. I found out later that he talked to his girlfriend for an hour on the day my son was born while I was lying in the hospital bed.

It was a very heart breaking and difficult time. But……sometimes things happen for a reason. We are good friends now and are able to co parent very well together. I am now remarried to the love of my life who adores me and my children. And……my husband and my ex are great friends. :)

Maureen
on July 27th, 2012

Unfortunately I can also relate to your experience ~ on May 21st (4 days after our 15th wedding anniversary) I learned through a 3rd party that the man I was married to was involved in a long term affair, with a former high school girlfriend, whom he had reconnected on Facebook.

We have two daughters together (ages 8 and 13), and I’m doing the best I can to create a stable and loving environment for them, with their father as my co-parent. We’re splitting custody 50/50, one week with me, one week with him.

My parents will be celebrating their 48th wedding anniversary in September, and I had always assumed that I would be in a marriage that would stand the test of time as well. :(

K.W.
on July 27th, 2012

@Meg – I am so very sorry for the loss of your child..we are nine years down that path – our son was stillborn in Sept. 2003. There is a wonderful online support group for grieving parents called The Miss Foundation. We have found much love and support on their boards – at all stages of grief – the early raw anguish, the emotional roller coaster of sub pregnancies to the present peaceful but still sorrow-filled hearts. Please know that there are many of us who walk this path with you and we are here for you to lean on – it does get easier.

Regards and Best Wishes,
Kristen

yellowsub68
on July 27th, 2012

Thank you for your honest account of your painful past. So glad that you came through the other side with an amazing attitude and courage. Keep up the good work – your boys are worth it.

mary
on July 27th, 2012

i can feel your peace through your writing, thaank you for sharing :0) look forward to more of you !

Cynnical
on July 27th, 2012

Such an inspiring and genuine message. I wish I could just reach out to her and tell her how amazing her journey has been and how touching it really is that she pulled through. I wish sometimes that something like this would have something positive on the other side, but you know, sometimes we just live through hard experiences and there’s no real reason for them.

Kate
on July 27th, 2012

Thank you so much for sharing. I’m going through the same thing, only my husband left me for my friend and our daughter’s best friends mom.

It has been a struggle everyday, sometimes just to get out of bed but everytime I hear a story such as yours, I know it is possible and I know my life is going to be better without him and her, for sure!

This is such a wonderful story and a true testament to how important forgiveness is to having peace and fulfillment in your life. I think for many people, our automatic reaction, when someone hurts us, is to want to hurt him/her back. It takes true courage to step outside of that angry and forgive . . . that is where the healing can begin. As women, we “shan’t” always play the role of the victim (even if we are the ones often mistreated and underappreciated in relationships), we must grab hold to our strength and resilience and PRAYER and emerge, even from the worst situations as victors! What doesn’t kill you DOES make you stronger!

Good for you Garcelle!

Rebecca
on July 27th, 2012

Just reading this made me realize how important it is to take the time to heal and really feel all the emotions that well up inside a person in a time of great personal trial. I am glad that Ms. Beauvais has done the work she has had to do in order to be a healthy human being. Well done, she is an inspiration to all.

mjaagr
on July 27th, 2012

My ex cheated on me and married the dreadful woman. 6 years later we don’t speak and he’s seen our two sons about a year in total. When we are able to be civil she ruins it and its bye bye to him again. The kids finally realized and asked not to see him anymore. It helps that for 3 years they have had my wonderful fiance there. He hasn’t left once. I couldn’t be more grateful. Until he came along I couldn’t let go of the past and the anger. It took a long time. But I see now it was for the better.

Katelyn
on July 27th, 2012

Dear Garcelle,

Thank you for sharing your story. I too was betrayed by my husband. We have been together for 18 years and decided he rather be with trailer trash. I struggled for many years with infertility and we decided to have a donor to help us make our dream come true. Everything was ready, I was taking my meds for 2 weeks, the girl was selected and when it was time to pay the fertility clinic the money was gone.

He literally dangled a baby in front of me and ripped it away from me. He broke my heart. It turned out he was hanging out with trailer trash all the time I was occupied with fertility doctors and donor agencies. Sadly, I can say it was a good thing I didn’t have that child with him because I would have been tied with him forever. I filed for divorce yesterday.

Good luck with your search for a real man!!!!

Anna
on July 27th, 2012

What a strong woman! It takes guts to open up like that! Best wishes to her and her children!

Thank you for sharing your experience. I too, am working my way through the grief and anger of infidelity that broke my marriage apart. I did not know that he was being unfaithful. He covered his tracks well. My friends tell me how strong I am, when really I’m a marshmallow inside. I cry to let it out. I work out to get it out of me. I allow myself to feel the emotions an unexpected break up comes with. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone and I will survive this.

lika
on July 27th, 2012

Oh get over yourself. You chose to give up on a marriage rather than working to find the reason that your husband cheated.

My husband cheated 5 years into our marriage. And I am in no way saying that it didn’t rock my world. But we talked about what changes need to be made in order to make our marriage that marriage that we thought we had. It wasn’t easy and we did separate for a time while we worked through the issues…and they are not all the cheater’s issues, believe me. And I have found that through counseling, group, partner and individual, that WE BOTH contribute to cheating.

Gabrielle seems to want to take no blame, including not knowing that it was happening. I had the feeling when he couldn’t answer questions, couldn’t explain things, there were changes in his habits, etc. I just wanted to catch him to let him know that he could not deny it.

And so we continue on, because we didn’t just throw our relationship away, like yet another woman did. Easy, easy, easy.

Valerie
on July 27th, 2012

Garcelle – Thank you so much for sharing your experience and story. Your words will be an inspiration to others going through a trying time. Since the books you read were such a helpful means of recovery, maybe you should think about writing a book yourself!

Thank you so much for your words. Although my experience did not involve marriage or children, my life too, changed with a text message. I reconciled with the man I thought I was going to marry because I realized I loved him more than I was mad at him, but love was not enough. Love was no substitute for trust and security.

We ended the relationship six months ago and I still struggle. I have issues with trusting others, and more importantly, with trusting my own judgement. Red flags. What are they? I had no idea this man would cheat on me. We didn’t live together and nothing seemed amiss. I am afraid to date again. I want to know, how it is that a man with no history of infidelity can cheat, yet there are men out there who have played the field and then they settle down and marry and remain faithful? How can you know who to give your heart to and who not to? How do you trust yourself after being hurt so deeply, and how do you work on yourself so that you can one day try again with someone new and not punish them for your past?

Angela
on July 27th, 2012

Wow! I am going thru the same thing. I struggle, but I force myself to put my anger towards my ex aside for the sake of our daughter. It is hard. I think as an average citizen, I’ve tended to think what could a beautiful, Hollywood actress know about this. Thanks for helping me see I’m not alone and that heartbreak and a mothers love for her children is not based on our looks, status, or finances.

And btw, I got so trapped in my thinking that I forgot to say that I admire your strength and willingness to put your children first. God bless you on your path.

Lisa
on July 27th, 2012

What an inspiring blog, and I admire you for sharing your story. I too am a newly divorced mother of 2 boys. I had given birth to our second son in September 2011, and in October 2011 discovered that my husband, whom I thought was 4 years sober, had gone back to drugs, both using and dealing.

With the strength of my family, friends, and discovering of myself, I left him, filed for divorce and moved myself and our boys into a townhouse closer to my family. Our divorce became final in May. I realize that this is a long journey ahead, and we are civil when he comes for his visits with the boys.

Thank you again for your bravery in sharing this difficult time in your life, it brings comfort to know that we are not alone and that days do get brighter. God Bless!

Terry Johnson
on July 27th, 2012

Wow! Thanks for sharing. I also went through a divorce because of infidelity, but we never had children. Nevertheless, the pain was the same.

Although I have no contact w/ my ex, I harbor no ill will towards him. I forgave him for my sake & sanity. I decided that he should not hold any power over my emotions anymore. I let it go & found new love in the process. My husband is everything I asked God for & more.

Thank you again for sharing this incredible journey with us. :)

MLS
on July 27th, 2012

My husband was unfaithful five years ago. He has been pleading for forgiveness all these years but I can’t find it inside of me. I stayed in the marriage for many reasons, mainly our 4 children and my fear.

I’ve had friends tell me that I’m lucky my husband wants to stay because alot of men leave. But somehow, I don’t feel very lucky.

Am
on July 27th, 2012

What were the signs now that u can look back?

Jan Sims
on July 27th, 2012

You go girl!!! After reading your message I know I can also find happiness.

Shawna
on July 27th, 2012

Thank you, thank you, thank God for you. I have just been healed by reading your words. Thank you! Bless you & the family.

True
on July 27th, 2012

WoW!!! This article was so truthful and beautiful! Thank you so much Garcelle!! I hope to hear more from you!

Kreme
on July 27th, 2012

Thank you for being so honest. Your story is inspiring and truly heartfelt.

I’m in a similar situation with 4 children. I hope one day I will have the courage to leave when I’m more financially stable and my girls are a little older. Never thought I would be stuck in a marriage because of my kids…but I am.

HIMOVALGIRL
on July 27th, 2012

Thank You for Sharing your Struggles and showing how you can SURVIVE the devastation of “Infidelity”. It happened to me too! My first thought was “OMG…my 3 kids would just become part of the statistic of coming from a “Broken Family”.

However, 7 years later I can truly say that our kids are Happy, Well Adjusted, Confident, Secure and Loving. I chose NOT to be bitter & hateful. It was ALWAYS ABOUT THE KIDS! They still have a Mom & Dad who put them first and we are still a family, only the dynamics have changed.

Joan
on July 27th, 2012

It takes alot of courage to admit such a stupid mistake and I applaud her for that wholeheartedly… take that haters!

Rainy
on July 27th, 2012

Thank you for the honest blog. I am on my second marriage and the first one ended because of betrayal. I now know that I would survive the loss of my second marriage, but it is my children that need to survive it.

You have set a great example of how to move out of the pain (selfishness) to the love (selflessness) for the children and yourself. Congratulations to you and your family.

JP
on July 27th, 2012

you are an amazing and inspiring woman and actress! :)

julie
on July 27th, 2012

This weekend marks one year of being separated from my husband. We became friends 18 yrs ago, dated for five years and were married for five years. We went through infertility treatments and had twin girls. When the girls were two, I found out he was cheating on me with our nanny, a girl I had chosen and had taken care of girls since they were four months old.

This past year has been so hard, an emotional roller coaster. I go from being okay to sad to anger. How come he can be so fine with it all??? I feel like I have grown over the last year but I have lost trust in so many people, family and friends. but my girls are such a strength and for them, I put on a happy face and we are doing well at co parenting. I never want my girls to feel anything but love from he and I towards them. We had a joint bday party for them and share time with them.

I just wonder when the pieces will fall back into place?

AunteeC
on July 27th, 2012

I felt like I was looking into a mirror while reading your blog. Kudos for moving forward, kudos for sharing. As with the other posts, I can relate. It’s very heartwarming to know this too shall pass..if you let it.

I have been divorced for 4 years now and each year I discover something more about myself and my ability to move on. It took me awhile to forgive myself for not seeing the signs, not because I was blind but because I trusted him the way I wanted to be trusted-totally. I’m cordial, I can sit next to him, but I choose not to think about him as a friend (My friends would never hurt me like that!)

As I said, it’s a work in progress. A couple years went by when I only spoke when something about our beautiful daughter needed to be discussed. Being a child of 2 households too, I knew I didn’t want my daughter to have to tell me to stop talking negatively to her about the other parent (I really had to do that). When I see the stories on TV about the drama parents take their kids through, I want to yell “What are you doing?”

Love builds up. When the marriage is over, it really becomes only about the children. Love your children enough to give them the best, the other half of their DNA without the guilty feelings.

I look forward to hearing more about your journey. Again, thanks for sharing.

Karen
on July 27th, 2012

You are strong because you were honest about the pain of being betrayed rather than the usual bravado and “It’s no big deal” attitude that some people faking strength project. You worked through the pain and have true hard-won strength and wisdom.

Frankly, your authenticity blew me away. You may not have the happy ending you wanted, but your putting your kids above your hurt will ensure them a bright future. Well done.

Ceele
on July 27th, 2012

@Lika … Once a cheater, always a cheater! Yeah, you may have worked it out, you husband has just found another way to have his affairs without your knowledge. Women always want to blame themselves for their husbands cheating. That’s not the case, it’s the person who makes the decision to go outside of his/her vows that’s responsible. No one can force someone to become aroused with another person.

You need to get over yourself because your husband has just put one over on you. When he’s supposed to be at the gym, or having a drink with the fellas, or working late, or during lunch … he’ll use those and other ways to cheat.

So stop trying to make women feel like they are the blame for their husbands bad behavior or making them feel as though they drove them into the arms of someone else. Or that they gave up too soon and didn’t give it a chance. You are just naive. Your cheater is still cheating.

Kim
on July 27th, 2012

My husband cheated 3 years ago and because we had a 5 yr old, I decided to take him back. I wanted to know that I tried because I didn’t want to fail my son. I truly felt as I was over it and any time I had doubts I asked him about it. He has never been able to get over the shame and guilt and so today he moved out. It is going to be rough but we both want what is best for our son. Just taking one day at a time and sometimes just a minute at a time.

Thanks for sharing your story. I just keep repeating to myself…this too shall pass and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. May peace shine on all of us in the minutes, days, months and years ahead!

giselleboston
on July 27th, 2012

thank you that was helpfull, hope you continue helping women out there who experienced the same.

LuvToWorshipGod
on July 27th, 2012

Garcelle….I know this pain of betrayal in marriage as well. It is such a difficult journey. Your story and the pain you experienced was very similar to mine. You are so brave to share your story like this and are such a blessing to so many. God will use your story to help so many other women walking through this.

As horrible as it is that we had to go through this, there is a sense of redemption that comes with helping someone else navigate these murky waters of grief and pain, and knowing your story at the very least helped someone else overcome as well. Be blessed. You will be an inspiration to many.

Tricia
on July 27th, 2012

This was a great blog and very inspiring.

Unfortunately, after almost 17 years of marriage, I am going through this same, horrible situation. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, especially watching what it has done to my 3 children, one of which just turned 16 and KNOWS what his Dad has done and sees his affair as his Dad choosing the other woman over his children.

I only hope I can be in the same place as her in a few years. Peace and happiness sure sounds good right now!

smarter now
on July 27th, 2012

I so admire your strength and peace. I wish I could say I have been as successful. I was married for eight years to my ex and and we had two preschoolers when I discovered his pregnant girlfriend. After months of denying his affair he walked out on us. He now has no relationship with the kids who are now teens.

I have long since gotten over the loss of that man but I will never forgive him for what he did to my kids childhood. Financial stress, time constraints on a single mom who had to work full time and often took them with me, and the absence of a strong male role model. I pray every day that I did right by them.

I would never stop either child from having a relationship with him if they chose but I could not. For me I would feel fake. I don’t have time to offer him forgiveness…..I’m up most nights trying to figure out how I’m going to get both of them through college. He’s going to have to work out his own salvation.

AG
on July 27th, 2012

Thanks for those words!!!! I just separated from my husband of 11 years and it was just three days ago… Obviously I have a long road ahead of me but it’s good to read other experiences to acknowledge that I’m not alone and that what I’m going through will pass someday…

Sandy
on July 27th, 2012

Garcelle,

Not only are you a beautiful woman on the outside, your internal beauty sets a high standard. I commend you for making your boys your priority and finding the strength within you to have a relationship with your ex even after you found out he was unfaithful. He is ultimately who lost the best thing that ever happened to him and he has to look in the mirror each morning knowing what he did.

Stand tall and proud, your boys will learn what an honorable woman you are. God bless to you and your family, wishing you love & laughter today and always.

J.
on July 27th, 2012

Strangely enough, shortly after reading on the Internet that you had sent an email to alert your husband’s friends and co-workers of his infidelilty (which I thought was a well-deserved gesture), I too found out about my husband’s affair. This “inspired” me to do the same thing. I had my ex-husband’s facebook access code and posted a message stating (in his first person voice) his infideliity to me and our 5 year old daugheter.

To this day it is not something I regret. My anger and betrayal needed an outlet at that moment – his betrayal affected not only myself, but also our little one – and perhaps in this context it was acceptable.

However, that moment aside, he and I do everything to ensure the happiness of our little girl. And, while I may never understand such betrayal on his part, I understand the need for closure and healing…for myself and my daughter.

tessa
on July 27th, 2012

So many of my friends have had difficulties with their ex’s, that I decided I would rather be alone than be with the wrong man. I’m glad I did – because I would have ended up like some of them or worse. God is watching out for me. You can never know if a man will be true to a woman, but hopefully the right one will come along and stay true.

Deanna
on July 27th, 2012

Deciding to divorce is not “easy, easy, easy”, especially when there are children involved. My husband cheated on me before we were married, and I chose to marry him anyway. And, now that I am stuck in limbo about our future, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the past.

It is about his choices and actions TODAY. Do I have a part in it? Sure. But, what looks easy on the outside doesn’t mean it is, and you can’t just walk away without some damage, no matter how cordially it is handled.

Every situation is different and I would hope that empathy can be given to those dealing with the loss of something they once held dear.

Jule
on July 27th, 2012

Lika, how can you suggest that a woman shoulder part of the blame for her husband cheating? That does not make any sense! The husband is the person who decided to betray his wife and marriage vows. This was his decision which he acted on. If he wanted to be with someone else then he should have asked her for a divorce. If you make a promise to someone and you cannot keep that promise, at least have enough respect to be honest.

Good luck with your marriage…it certainly sounds like you will need it!!

Michelle
on July 27th, 2012

My oldest son (5 years old) has said the exact same thing to me before “when I’m with you, I miss daddy, and when I’m with daddy…I miss you.”

The only time that the boys father is in the same room as me is during their birthday parties, and then when he picks them up or drops them off.

I think it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to co-parent and are able to both be there at the same time for the kids. Unfortunately, in my situation, that just isn’t possible.

hi
on July 27th, 2012

Hi! Welcome, you and your story moved me. So unlike HOLLYWOOD. I read about your remarks and followed them in here. I do recall the email leak you refer too. Oh sister if only when it was me had my rage not been 100% More transparent! You’ve come far but your honesty its not easy, you’re still raw if not numb…moves me. Your husband was a complete idiot as a husband period. So glad you didn’t stay I didn’t either. Bless you for it will become easier.

jessy
on July 27th, 2012

“I realized part of my self-esteem was tied to being a wife”

That’s a very insightful statement…3 years ago, my husband of 10 years started an out of the blue affair…He walked out on me leaving me and our 3 beautiful children without looking back. Three years later, he is happy and moved on, remarried and I’m still struggling to get past it. I can’t seem to find a way to move on, no matter how hard I try…Your statement about your self esteem makes me wonder if that’s my issue as well.

Thank you for sharing your experience, it’s given me something to think about :-)

Crystal
on July 28th, 2012

How well-stated?! She rocks!

lost
on July 28th, 2012

After reading everyones comments…its inspiring. I too am going thru the same situation, and it makes me feel like im not alone. Theres so much pain on this page, its really sad. But it shows me that im going to to get thru this too…thanks everyone!

Babs
on July 28th, 2012

=) good for you!!! Be very proud of the fact that as a single parent and going thru something like that, YOU were able to stand up and put your children 1st!! Kids dont ask to be born, They are a VERY BIG BLESSING indeed!!! I not being a mom at all, But been thru divorce is very MUCH harder on the children then the ADULT (I dont mean to offend U but that is my feeling).

Everyone wants their marriage to last, My parents were married 44 years when my mom passed away almost 5 years ago, And I am not proud of the fact that at 45 I am divorced 2 times. But, I am with a really terrific guy now! Everyone may not think so, But it is us who are in the relationship, not everyone else.

So my final words will be this, Stay STRONG! and just continue to love your children and go after the GREATER things in LIFE with them. CHERISH them everyday. God Bless U.

Bsar
on July 28th, 2012

Well said! Wow! This part of life just stinks! We’ve all been there (at least most of us). The way you handled this is amazing! You are an inspiration to all of us. It is extremely hard to move past the hurt in a relationship to the point where you are civil to each other. It can happen.

You are so right when you said, “what do I do with all this anger?” Been there, done that. The bottom line is that you must learn to forgive and deal with the anger and come to a medium not only for yourself but for the sake of the kids. I know people who have held grudges for years after this happens. It is just killing their spirit.

I come from a home where my dad cheated regularly on my mum, but they stayed together and kept up appearance of a happy home. So I did not know anything till everything burst in my twenties and then it became tough to be at home,the bitterness at home was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

If there is anyone staying with a cheating spouse ‘because of d children’, please don’t. You are not helping them at all, you are keeping up appearances. The effect on the child when the bubble bursts is very, very damaging.it is better to go your seperate ways and try to work together in bringing up the kids.

Garcelle thank you for this inspiring blog. I look forward to reading more. I pray that you eventually find someone else who will complement you perfectly. Your boys are adorable.

me
on July 28th, 2012

those are, without a doubt, the most gorgeous children i have ever seen. what a beautiful family you have! i pray that you continue to experience happiness and healing. :)

Stacie
on July 28th, 2012

Such an inspiring, honest post! I found out my son’s father was cheating on me through a text message also. The pain of him being with another woman was so intense and heart wrenching. His betrayal shattered me for awhile, but I was determined not to let it ruin my life. I worked with a spiritual mentor who helped me through the darkest days.

What you said about forgiving yourself for being with a man who would betray you really hit home for me because I don’t think I’ve fully done that yet. I’m going to check out the books you suggested because I’m truly working on becoming whole and strong within myself, and also acknowledging the part I played in that relationship being unhealthy.

Diana
on July 28th, 2012

Thank you for a beautiful and heartfelt first blog. Our society seems to think that celebs have the best of everything and your story has shown that you are a woman like many others-dealing with heartbreak but rising above as a strong woman. Thank you for being so honest in your feelings as well as what helped you heal and find peace. Cannot wait for your next blog!

Denise
on July 28th, 2012

You so hit my life right on. Thank you for sharing. I was also cheated on while pregnant with my 3rd.

Years later things are worse for me than that first few months. My ex doesn’t even speak to our oldest and the other two are bounced back and fourth like ping pong balls even though they do not like going with him. I know he loves them but he is the one that after all these years is angry. He and the new wife (cheater) refuse to do joint things like parties and dinners since it confuses their younger children, yet mine had no choice to accept that things were different.

I pray daily that one day we can all just live and enjoy the wonderful children we share. Thanks for sharing that it can happen.

arygem
on July 28th, 2012

I think you have come full circle, u have forgiven ur ex and are co-parenting. Everyday is a struggle but human beings are amazing creatures of reselliance.

I didn’t see the tell tale signs and I chose to trust my husband, since he hadn’t given me any reason to distrust in our 5yr long marriage.

I knew he had a tendency to lie when we were courting, but I somehow thought he wud never lie to me.

The first time he brought up the topic of wanting to leave the marriage, he stated many reasons for I was found wanting as a wife. He sent me on the guilt trip and I grovelled and made promises and was willing to go to any lengths to ‘fix’ the problem. He clearly told me there was no one else. A month later I discovered the betrayal and it was heart wrenching, ‘cos I has this dream too, loving husband, happy marriage, no kids yet (but I hoped they would).

My husband isn’t sorry for what he has done, he insinuates that I am the reason he sort refuge in another lady!

We are staying separately, I’m learning to forgive him & myself. I’m learning to be still and choosing God’s peace and joy. I’m also living in the hope that he would realise his mistake and come back to me.

Many people tell me, if I had kids my husband wouldn’t have left, but I know that’s not true.

I will know in my heart when its useless to wait, till then I want to be strong.

I commend what you are doing G, you are a very brave woman and your boys are so beautiful, I can see where you get your inspiration from :)

Thanks you for the book references and the courage to write about a very intimate and painful experience. I am going through divorce now a year after finding out my husband had started an affair while I was pregnant with our first (and only! No more kids with him obviously.) child.

I reconciled with him for the sake of our daughter and the disrespect and betrayal were too much to bear. We do our children much more of a service to model self-respect alone than to stay in an unhappy relationship with their other parent. Bravo, Garcelle!

Stephanie
on July 28th, 2012

Thank you so much for your honesty. I don’t know how someone you loved and cared for and thought you were so lucky to have could do this to you. I really don’t understand. If you’re unhappy, say so. Don’t lie to someone’s face every day. Putting your faith in someone and having them betray you makes you rethink everything you know and leaves your heart broken. It makes you feel like you never knew them at all, almost like you imagined the relationship.

I’m sorry you were hurt this way. I’m glad that you have joy back in your life.

My husband left us for the other women. To this day I really don’t know why he left for that piece of garbage. We got back together after the other women died. God know I wanted to dance on her grave for all the pain she caused to her children and mine. I raise her children with him. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done but my children have their dad so I do it. And 2 yrs ago I had this light of my life he’s amazing and adorable.

stacey
on July 28th, 2012

Wow, you are such a wonderful, heartfelt writer. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.

I so agree with you about people telling you that you are strong does end up doing the opposite of what they intended it to do which is make you feel worse because it dismisses the enormity of your pain. I think people need to learn to sympathize, show love first before trying to make the other person feel “better.”

Without realizing it people who try to make you feel better instead of heard and validated end up doing the opposite because you end up feeling so alone because they are trying to rush you through you feelings as if there is some sort of time line and you are late. Everyone deserves to be allowed to heal at their own pace. If we have broken arm, people wouldn’t rush us to feel better soon, why is a broken heart any different? I don’t mean let you stay broken and never move on, but first let the person feel heard, then allow them time to grieve before helping them to move on.

Anyways, I look forward to reading more blogs from you. I’m glad that you’ve been able to turn your pain into gain (more wisdom, self love, and compassion for others as well as yourself, and more).

Kathe
on July 28th, 2012

I chose to stay and believe me, that road isn’t easy either. Not only did I have to deal with the same anger, resentment, hatred etc, but I chose to continue to live with him. He had to deal with my daily hurt and anger. I had to come to a place and he had to help, where I realized it wasn’t my fault.

After 2 1/2 years, it still hurts, but not nearly as bad. We have a close, unique and at most times a wonderful marriage now. There is ALWAYS pain in no matter how you handle it, infidelity sucks.

Marcy
on July 28th, 2012

Lika there is no need to be rude and bitter. “get over yourself” really? That wasn’t necessary. Garcelle is just sharing a chapter from her life like the rest of the people who are posting replies. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions.

And like it or not many women and men who have been cheated on are grateful for people like Garcelle, who have been there too and share positive advice and energy that gives us a little bit of hope that this pain will go away.

I really do hope your enjoy marriage is a long and happy one for your children’s sake.

Garcelle thank you for sharing a little part of you with us.

Marcy

susan
on July 28th, 2012

Marcella Fuentes I don’t know if you are seeking out this information or if really unfeeling friends are giving it to you but the saying ignorance is bliss is truly a great thing to live by in your situation. If I was you, however great the need may be to find out all the horrible details you know enough already. I would not seek out one more piece of information no matter how hard that may be and anyone offering it to you I would politely decline the informaiton as long as you continually hear new information you will never be able to move on.

I am in no way trying to hurt you or say what you have been doing is wrong but coming from someone who has been cheated on in the 2 most important relationships I have had I would have been way better off if I did not know all that I do. Good luck!

Ann
on July 28th, 2012

Being cheated on is not a easy thing to accept especially if one knows the other person but life goes on. Divorce laws now make it so easy because adultery is now no big deal…….forget about the loser and move forward.

Guðrún Geirsdóttir
on July 28th, 2012

What a genuine, true, beautiful soul and a woman you are! Thank you for this honesty, and it’s amazing how you’ve worked out your sorrows in a such unselfish way.

Best wished, and look forward to your blogs, Gudrun/ Iceland.

loyal reader
on July 28th, 2012

Your story was very inspiring. I find myself after 20 years of marriage starting over with 2 children.

So much of what you said was is so true. I immediately found myself a counselor because I felt as if i was blaming myself for infidelity and my biggest concern was our children and how this would affect them so i needed to find them someone to be able to confide in and that could maybe explain better what was happening to their “perfect” family but that could also neutral. I mean lets face it in the beginning after finding out about having been cheated on it hard to be fair.

The love i have for my kids is what inspires to move on, i wish my and ex relationship was better because that would mean The World to the kids and i have tried but onlyto have to have backfire. Until he is able to really accept what his part In all this unfortunately i dont see us moving forward.

I gave him 20 years of my life and I dont regret one minute of it and for that i havetThe two most wonderful children which health & happiness is primary focus in life as it always has been.

Anonymous
on July 28th, 2012

Dear Garcelle, thank you for sharing such a private part of your life. This was so helpful to read because while infidelity is my greatest and most paralyzing fear, it helps to see someone come through the dark side into a manageable place. Thank you for the book recommendations and thank you again for sharing your struggle and strength.

Cathy
on July 28th, 2012

Definitely kudos to you for being able to do that; I wish I could have had that.

Two years after our son was born, my ex said it was time to focus on him; he’d already started pulling away, but something clicked in me when he said this, as if it were the beginning of the end.

He started hanging around the wrong people and doing drugs. He talked about strange things and buying a gun. After I finally left him, he stalked me and ended up in jail and later prison for a number of things. He hasn’t paid child support and now has AIDS.

I have our son, who makes me laugh almost every day. At 17, he’s growing up to be a fine young man who actually likes his mother.

One thing I will say: if you suspect your spouse of cheating, protect yourself.And if you find proof that he’s cheating, get tested. My ex never even bothered to tell me he was HIV positive. I’m fine, but don’t take that chance.

Laurie
on July 28th, 2012

“Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together” I heard that the other day …
It has given me hope !

Grisell Ariana
on July 28th, 2012

Your words are encouraging. My husband of 8 years walked out on our 3 children and I in March. Our marriage was in trouble after I discovered him cheating in my own home, but I forgave for the sake of my children I did not want to leave my kids w/o a family. In the end he dug his own grave and walked out on us.

After being tossed into a stressful nightmare and even getting physically sick I realized that I was doing my kids wrong staying in a loveless, volatile relationship. I changed my outlook I live those who love me and I wont spend another day pondering about the one who didn’t. I didn’t lose a family, my family is my children, myself and all my support system and it is truly better. I live each day to the best, I work hard and play even harder with my kids.

I never sign up for celeb blogs bc I can’t relate to their life but thank you for being honest and strong. I look forward to your next post.

Johnathan'sMomma
on July 28th, 2012

My husband just walked out on me and my son 3 days ago after 9 years of marriage. He moved in with his girlfriend, and her 3 kids. I think he left us because our son was just diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, and I didn’t give him the perfect child he wanted. It hurts to know that he left his wife in child behind and is now with his girlfriend and her kids being a happy family. So I decided to read your blog and I hope it will help me along with therapy I’m going through.

Great honesty here. The Visions Anew Institute (visionsanew.org) in Georgia is one of the few non-profits that assist men and women facing divorce with information and support. One of its strengths is helping people navigate the process – including the mourning of the marriage – with dignity. While there are many post-divorce and divorce recovery programs, VAI is one of the few that tackles the issues that arise before a decree comes down.

Kei
on July 28th, 2012

Thank you for sharing and being transparent. That message really inspired me and offers good advice on how to handle a situation like that.

Daisy
on July 28th, 2012

This is, by far, the best celebrity blog I have ever read on here. You rock! Your boys are so blessed to have you!

Tyesha
on July 28th, 2012

Lika you have some nerve being so high and mighty just because you decided to stay with your cheating husband!!!! Who do you think you are? Were you living in their house? What do you know of their marriage outside of what she shared and what was in People magazine??? Before you take that road of I’m better than you because I stuck with my cheating husband, make sure he is not cheating on you again!!!!!

Liz
on July 28th, 2012

Lika, if you’re this judgmental of a celebrity blog, I can imagine the part you played in your husband’s cheating. Plus, how do you know the repercussions of her husband’s actions? I know of people who were infected with STDs, including HIV, due to infidelity. Lastly, I’ve known cheaters; therapy and time doesn’t always help or heal. Sometimes they just become better at pulling the wool over the over confident spouse’s eyes.

Jennifer
on July 28th, 2012

GREAT blog!!! Thanks so much for sharing. Your blog is fantastic and believe it or not, it’s gonna help a lot of women especially divorced or single moms!!! :)

So inspiring to read of a another strong woman who is/has been dealing with what has become so common in today’s society. I am also one of these women. After some gut wrenching decision making I opted to keep him around and work on what we once had. We respectively have become stronger and better people for the pain we endured.

I have never and will never accept responsibility for his choices to fix what was wrong with him, with somebody other than me, his wife. I experienced anger, pain, betrayal, disappointment, hurt and the whole gamut of emotions that go with infidelity. Early on my journey has had its ups and downs but our relationship now is better than ever. He had to own his own problems and deal with them personally. He became a “healthier” spouse for it.

To stay or leave is a deeply personal decision for each individual involved. Spoken promises mean nothing if a man doesn’t deal with the problems that make him feel insecure enough to ‘trade down’ from the woman he is in a relationship with. Forgiving him empowered me and the whole experience has made me who I am today, a woman who has found herself. There is life beyond cheating.

Blessings and hugs to you Garcelle.

nicole
on July 28th, 2012

Thank u for sharing your story. I am currently dealing with a similar situation, but I have decided to try to mend our marriage. Some days r better than others, but I’m coping with the help of my faith in God. I would encourage u to read the book captivating by staci eldridge. It helped me tremendously! I appreciate u for being real. God bless!

Katie
on July 28th, 2012

Thanks for the heartfelt and inspirational post. Your description of the utter devastation and pain when learning about the betrayal was perfect. I chose to stay with my husband of 20 years after learning of his infidelity. It has not been easy and I still question whether I made the right decision.

I applaud your ability to share custody of your children, however it is not something I am willing to do. Everyone has to make the decision she feels is best for herself and her children and I appreciate the way you expressed your opinion without casting derision on those who take a different approach.

Janelle
on July 28th, 2012

Thank you for this honest column. I am about to go through a divorce and experiencing a range of emotions. It’s good to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope one day I will get to a place that I can co-parent with my soon to be ex in a healthy way for our children.

nan
on July 28th, 2012

Wow, it’s so nice to see a celebrity blogger sharing real problems. Usually they just seem to be competing with each other for most perfect life. Despite the social class differences, I felt I could relate well to your admissions.

My husband left me for another woman several years ago. I’m still dealing with the pain, humiliation and damage to our child. Things do get somewhat better, though, and I 100% agree about putting the bad feelings aside for the sake of the children. Basically it sucks, but the better you deal increases the chances for a better outcome.

It’s great that you sharing these experiences on such a visible forum, because celebrities can help inspire social change and those who get cheated on are often unfairly portrayed as neglectful spouses. We the betrayed need all the good PR we can get! Thanks!

Tan
on July 28th, 2012

This was a great and informative blog! As one who has experienced the same, it feels like you’re so along when dealing with adultery. Whereas some people admired my strength to leave and deal with it as I had to in front of a lot of people, some called me weak for not staying.

I did decide to a 50/50 custody…one week with me, one week with my ex…Some thought I was crazy. This was also almost 9 years ago, so it was fairly new. But, you have to think of the child and just because my ex was a horrble husband, he was a great father.

We can communicate as it relates to our son, and even other matters now. However, it took a while, and it’s still work.

Kudos to all men/women who can move forward!

AnAverageMom
on July 28th, 2012

First of all, your boys are sooooo cute!

I was in a similar situation. My ex-husband was not only cheating, but secretly agreed (and succeeded) to have a child with another woman immediately after our baby was born. After I went through hell for one year, I moved on. That was three years ago and I have no memory from that one year. I don’t remember how beautiful my baby was.

I cannot be as forgiving as you and I’m currently fighting for the sole custody, but other than that, I’m a really happy person now, which I think is important for my child. This ordeal taught me many things. And I learned a lot from your blog too!

Thank you for sharing your private story with the world. It’s inspirational and encouraging for anyone that’s in this type of situation. I look forward to reading more of your blog posts.

Tarsha
on July 28th, 2012

I love you Garcelle, you’ve always insoired me because you’re beautiful, classy, smart, very stylish and strong. I’ve always followed your work and you’ve inspired me to follow you even more, I love you and I pray that you continue to strive, empower, motivate, live, love and learn. May God bless you and your boys.

maha
on July 28th, 2012

so beautiful. i wish you would share more of your sessions, the steps you took to get to that place of healing and enlightenment. it made me cry to see that forgiveness is for you as a person more than the other person who needs to be forgiven. so true and wise.

restored
on July 28th, 2012

Highly recommended read for this type of situation: WHEN IT ALL FALLS APART by RIVA TIMS.

Rose
on July 28th, 2012

Many blessings to you and your’ family especially your’ GORGEOUS (!) boys :) Im sorry about the pain and loss you’ve had to endure. Your’ boys are lucky to have such a great, loving and generous mother as to put them first, even ahead of her own pain and anger. You’re a real life hero as we mom’s are the beacon’s for our children. Be Well, Rose

I would like to say to Garcelle an the other women who open up and shared their horrible experience THANK YOU.

We as women want the best the FAMILY/MARRIAGE. Garcelle I know as a popular woman like ur self it took a lot of guts to come out an open about this. I experienced being cheated on it hurts for sure an the first thing that comes to mind is WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO? WAS I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? But as time goes on it has nothing to do with us it is the MEN they have issues wit there self an we can’t help them. An we are just fine. I have to 2 kids myself an I learned to focus on them more than my self.

Garcelle you are amazing woman an thanks for doing this cause it jus showes that we are all human an we all go through this mess. But you did a lot for us women to exhale to get back to where we need to be . You did the best thing to forgive I know that was hardest but your boys will love u even more for that.

Thank u sooooo much. An u are the best take of u an ur boys. From Ratasha T.

Mia
on July 28th, 2012

Thank you. When my marriage ended I felt like a failure and a disappointment to my kids. One of the hardware things I had to go through short of the loss of my mommy.

Thank you for your strength. When I read about your email I felt that was strong on your part to expose a short coming in your relationship.

You survived and are still here with joy in your heart and your boys. Thank you again.

lisa rae
on July 28th, 2012

Dealth of a marriage is always heart wrenching and painful beyound words. But beyound this it dose take to people to make a marriage and I found I was so focus on what he did I forgot what my part was. I had to learn this lession the hard way. When I learned to look past my pain and focus on my children I realized they were hurting too. My anger and pain was hurting them. So I stopped, they are my focus. I can now say that we have joint birthday parties and have even gone camping together and by me focusing on them. I learned true forgiveness In myself and in him.

Cindy
on July 28th, 2012

Oh Lika, silly rabbit! Tricks are for people like you! My first husband left me several years ago for a “friend” of mine, which devastated me and my young son. Just like Garcelle and the majority of women commenting on this blog, I went through a whole string of emotions and assumed that it was all me. I did a full, painful assessment of my behaviour and sought out couple’s therapy (in which he had no interest) before seeking therapy for myself.

My marriage was not a fairytale and I never once painted it that way; but therapy taught me that what one chooses to DO to deal with what’s within a marriage reveals their true character. Mine was to stay true; his was to stray.

I’m happily remarried now and was not surprised to learn recently from common friends that the woman my then-husband left me for (and with whom he has two children) was dealt her own blow upon learning that he has been cheated on her and is now expecting twins with another woman! (double trouble!). So, again, this proves that character is for a lot.

You chose to stay: that’s your prerogative. But some of us care more about the other side of the medal. Turns out, I’m enjoying a much greater love story now than the one tinted by someone whose character will always be questionable.

Natalia Jones
on July 28th, 2012

Garcelle you are human. You are not made out of rubber. I’m glad you are able to speak about how you felt and how you are currently dealing with your divorce. Separating from a loved one means that you lost not only a partner but also a friend, and that cannot be easy. Women go through sooo much, we sacrifice sooo much, especially when we have children.

Just keep moving, everyday that goes by it would get easier and easier. One day you WILL get up and it’s not going to hurt as bad…Just keep praying… You are created to be a STAR. Stay amongst the clouds :)

Wow…this celebrity post is so refreshing! As I read, I briefly revisited my times of immense pain and betrayal. Some men and women can’t handle having it all, the whole fricken cake! Garcelle is really helping people to manage and overcome their pain. I will check out some of the books, especially, Miquel Ruiz, I like his book “The Four Agreements.”

Everyday I see how fake we are, everything is a gimmick, media sensationalism, people famous for no reason “superstars,” because anybody can identify with them, there’s no integrity, leaving us with an identity crisis. Well, this post did help to quench my thirst for integrity. Instead of a world of celebrity photo-ops, PR stunts, entitlement, quiet desperation and deception beneath the smile and seeming kindness, manufactured humanity and fake humility, Garcelle lends hope for all of us to be more real and feeling in our own lives!

ro
on July 28th, 2012

Beautiful. Change is so difficult and your words can be applied to many situations including death the ultimate separation from a loved one.

gil
on July 28th, 2012

@Lika,the one who has the problem is you and not other women,if you choose to go back, Good for you but i doubt it since you have the presumption it is the fault of the other women who refused to work on theirs.let us put it this way if you were the one who cheated would he be there with you?.think about it and maybe you are the one who is fooled all along.i prefer to leave than subject the children to an atmosphere of hostility as my mum could not forgive my dad for it and constantly reminded him of the past ,so i hope your kids if you have any are not the ones to suffer?

jerseymom
on July 28th, 2012

Wow… thank you for sharing such a private & painful part of your life. I did hear about the email but I didn’t know the story behind it. Been there done that! Acting out feels good for a sec but then the guilt/shame follows. We are HUMAN.

All our paths are different. Some women have commented that they stayed after the infidelity and worked it out. Others couldn’t. I pray that regardless of the choice you made that you have wonderful lives.

Reading the responses made me realize once again…women ROCK!

God Bless

Dionne
on July 28th, 2012

Wow, I was so into your story, I almost forgot to breathe. Your story reminded me of my very own. The betrayal, the pain, the forgiveness, and most importantly the strength to get past it all with a child involved.

It has been 5 years since my painful divorce and betrayal. The other woman was a friend of mine, that he had an affair with. Throughout the years I sought counseling, books, my family, my friends and most of all my God. Like you, I realized I had no choice but to face the pain and face it dead on. No hiding it, no masking it, I even refused to get into another serious relationship that came my way, until my mind, body and soul were fixed. Those dark years, brought a bright light of a new independance, a new confidence and a new awareness that although I hated hearing “you are not alone”, that I wasn’t.

Most importantly, through my struggles and new found strength I discovered I helped others. I always tell people, if I knew before I said “I do” to the man whom I trusted and loved with all my heart, that he would betray me and leave the way he did, I would still have done it. I don’t regret marrying him, I got the best part of him, our son. That is something I will NEVER regret.

The situation changed me, and it changed me for the better. I am truly a better woman because of a bad situation. Those are the victories in life I say, “Hell yeah, no one can break me now. In your face”. ;)

You are inspiring Garcelle. I look forward to hearing the next steps of joy to come in your life.

ps, I am now engaged. :)

Strong
on July 28th, 2012

Hello…thanks for being a woman first before a celebrity. i was cheated on too by my ex…we all worked together and it was so hard to move one because I saw them constantly and reminded of the betrayal..I read self help books and one of the best was SHANIA TWAIN’s book especially the chapter on her betrayal was inspiring and I related to her because no matter what we do in life and we have, we all hurt the same way…today Im able to say thank you for doing what you because I love my life now more than I ever did before.

thanks for sharing…you’re awesome

Anonymous
on July 28th, 2012

What a beautiful honest, open, and empowering entry. Definitely refreshing, compared to most.

Once to Many
on July 28th, 2012

I am currently a single parent. My spouse left my two kids and I. He didn’t leave due to infidelity but for other reasons. It is tough being a single parent 24/7. I am hoping my marriage can be salvaged because I still love him and I know he is a tough place mentally right now.

On the other hand, my friend, who has 3 kids has a husband who cheated on her in the past and just recently was caught texting as well. She ask me what she should do. I told her I can’t tell her what to do but that she has to understand that since he has cheated on her more than once and always caught, odds are he will keep cheating on her. I told her that she has 2 options but ultimately its not my decision. Told her that if she stays with him she is going to have to live with her decision and live with learning to ignore his indiscretion if she wants to be married to him. That she is condoning it. She can’t change him he has to want to change. (Of course in my mind, adultery is not acceptable period).

Told her that basically complaining won’t do her any good if she is still with him so in away you stay then you have to accept it. He’s going to know that since you are still married to him you are willing to put up with it. Other option was to of course divorce him. I told her that in her situation those were the only possible outcomes and ultimately any decision she makes is hers not mine or anybody else. I told her I will be here anytime she needs me to listen or talk to but to understand the reality of her situation.

Maria
on July 28th, 2012

We love you, Garcelle! You are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Ever article I see this referenced under, there are so many people saying how beautiful and smart you are, and how well-written this was. I will never understand why men will cheat on someone as beautiful, smart, and sweet as you. Hang in there and I hope that your life comes out on top. You are role model to me and all my friends.

Molly
on July 28th, 2012

That was very inspiring. I think it’s amazing when women who have been betrayed the way you have by their husbands can still find a way to put their kids first because kids do need both their parents. Thank you for sharing. :)

Joelle
on July 28th, 2012

This happened to me as well..with a mutual friend of ours…. We both moved on with our lives, he married the woman he committed adultery with…and I married the man who absolutely is the love of my life… I realized a couple of things along the way… you can only control you and your behavior…and sometimes things fall apart (and are painful) to bring wonderful things into your life…hugs and continued healing…. god bless

Karen
on July 28th, 2012

He’s attentive, the perfect husband, kind and loving, a good father and a kindred spirit, and you love him for 10 years…until he makes a human mistake and you leave him and split up your family. He would be dead to you if it weren’t for the children? He’s probably better off without you. Yes people, this is great advice and a brilliant way of getting over something (not). :/

meghan
on July 28th, 2012

Lika, odds are he’s still cheating on you right now. He’s just gotten better at covering his tracks. Many people cannot trust a person once a betrayal has occured. That doesn’t mean they won’t work on their marriages. Don’t act like your better because you took the loser back.

meghan
on July 28th, 2012

Lika, nobody is perfect, but suggesting that ones behavior as a wife is what leads (in part) to infidelity is disturbingly close to saying “if I were a better wife, he wouldn’t beat me”. Not a healthy mind set.

Brooke
on July 28th, 2012

As a (now adult) child of a broken home caused by my father’s infidelities, this blog touched me so much. It took many years to forgive my father, but we have a great relationship now. This blog was beautifully written and honest. Thank you so much, Garcelle, for your contribution to this site; it’s the best blog I’ve read here.

Shawn
on July 28th, 2012

I don’t usually read blog post to be honest. I feel most times they are superficial, self-serving and unnecessary. I may have read 2 in the last twelve years. I feel like people glorifies celeberty and there lifestyles, having a baby, getting married, etc.

I found your blog to be extremely profound. You took responsibility for your actions and behavior. You saw what you needed to change and did it. You looked beyond your pain-not ignoring it, but beyond it and saw the well-being of your children as a priority. To me that just equals being a parent. I applaud you, I suffered the same fate a few years back and it was hard to look beyond the pain. I think it was harder to see my part in it, learn from it and move on. I heard a saying once that the word “Mother” should be like the name of G-d on the lips of our children.

Good luck to you, you’ve grown extremely and your well adjusted children are the product of that. Good luck to you and your lovely family. I hope you and Mike continue to raise Jaid & Jax in a healthy environment.

mareesa
on July 28th, 2012

I was in tears reading this. I recall when the news broke of your husbands infidelity. My marriage imploded the exact time Sandra Bulloks did and Elin N’s & Tiger Woods. I am so happy I stumbled across this. Your blog and post will help so many!

It’s been nearly two years and I am still going through the motions. The hurt, anger and pain. It is certainly not easy. I try to co-parent with my sons father but it is definitely not easy.

I intend on picking up the books you suggested. Thank you for sharing your words. Your honesty is appreciated. . . & your story is inspiring. Wishing you and your family continued blessings always!

meghan
on July 28th, 2012

@K, it turned out that Michael cheated for the majority of their marriage. It wasn’t one little mistake, ten years in. It was nine years of deception while his wife was struggling with fertility treatments. So yeah, he’s dead to her and he should be.

What an amazing article! U rock girl. I am raising a 5 year old son now by myself. Since his father choose drugs and other women over us. It blows my mind how men can just walk away without a care in the world. I am the one who listens to my son cry at night asking” where daddy is”

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I wish you and your boys all the best. I know it is tough but at least your sons have their dad in their lives. My son doesn’t . I found out he has moved across the US with his new girl. Without a goodbye.

God bless

mary brown
on July 29th, 2012

Hey Garcelle! What a great read! I understand completely as I was blindsided by my husband of 3 and a half years, where he was listening to his mother and decided to move back home. He was younger, a fifteen yr difference, but was still an adult. My family accepted my relationship and him, but his mother never liked me; all because of our age difference and kept saying negative things. So when he moved back home, he ultimately had abandoned our marraige and I filed for divorce. His mother wanted him to date someone his age, that he was under my “spell”.

So we have been divorced for over a year and a half and now he want to come back. He says he made a mistake. That I was his happiness and he should not have forfeited what we had listening to his mom’s negativity. Well me? I like being single now and we have been going out to dinner and spending time, but I am not in love with him anymore because there are those trust issues…….how do I know he wont listen to her again?…..

So I truly understand what you felt. I was in mourning…..it was the death of my marraige……I had lost my partner….became depressed……..but Now…..totally different……I wont give him control. My heart is not bound to him. I love going to dinner and movies, but that’s it. He definitely wants to be back married, but Im over that! Thanks again!

Claire
on July 29th, 2012

My story is so much like yours. I divorced a year ago after learning that my husband of 10 years had been unfaithful throughout the duration of our marriage. I also believed that I had “hit the lotto” of husbands, and my friends and family did as well. I was in complete shock when I discovered his affairs, hidden accounts, money, etc.

We have two children, and I did not want to lose our family. Our family was my everything. So I went to intensive therapy, with my husband and without him. I tried to reconcile, but as the lies piled up and his behaviors continued, I decided to leave him for good, although he did not make it easy.

If it were not for a wonderful counselor and supportive friends and family, I would not have been able to get past my hurt and anger. I too, read every book I could nad participated in group therapy as well. I recently received my Master’s in Counseling because the help I received made me take a look at myself, and why I ignored various signs and feelings I had. I want to give the help I received back because I feel an obligation to share what I have learned.

Thank you for sharing! Cheers to forgiveness, self-discovery, and love.

lisa
on July 29th, 2012

I identified with your story so much. I have a 14 year old son by another man, and a 1 year old baby with my ex husband who i thought was my soulmate. After 8 years of marriage I became pregnant, and at 8 months pregnant discovered he was having an affair with a girl half our age…. he was obsessed with her. Deal breaker!

Fortunately for me, he does not want custody. He’s not even in our lives really just a memory and I’m still sad, still not ready to forgive. But I did come the realization that forgiving him will be better for me in the long run. I’m just not there yet. I’m definitely sure God sent me my baby to help put sunshine in the hole in my heart my ex left. I just need to keep working on me and be the best mommy to my kids!

God bless you and your beautiful children! XOXO

frenchflies
on July 29th, 2012

What an awesome perspective! I enjoyed reading this and look forward to more.

I’ve read this post ten times today. I could have written it. I physically react to your genuine words. Bless you, sweet girl. Thank you.

Rhonda
on July 29th, 2012

Your blog could have been written by me….about 7 years ago I thought my life had come to an end…..I found out that my husband was cheating on me and the other woman was pregnant with his child. I too like you wanted to jump out of my body; it felt like a train hit me dead on and I couldn’t breathe….It was only the though of my 5 year old son in the other room that saved me.

At first I was sooooo angry and it took some great therapy, the absolute love of dear friends and family that helped me to survive. But my greatest survival tool was the love I had for my son. I wanted him to grow up happy and whole. Well, after a bit of time I met the other woman and hers and my soon to be ex husbands child. It was like an outer body experience because once meeting my son’s half brother changed everything for me. This little boy was half of my son….

Now today my ex and I are actually friends. I forgave him but more importantly I too forgave myself for missing the signs, feeling like what did I do to drive my ex to be with another woman…I didn’t realize that I needed to forgive myself for thinking all of those things and to love myself.

Today our son is a beautiful healthy well adjusted 12 year old who sees his parents together with him at his ball games on holidays and at his birthday parties….

Annie
on July 29th, 2012

Garcelle, way to be REAL and not another celebrity trying to paint life as picture perfect. I admire your strength, ability to be so honest and to move on with your life and focus on what’s best for your adorable sons.

I have a little girl who is now six. My ex and I didn’t split up from cheating but I had a lot of anger at him and for being left alone to be a single mother. He is a very involved dad, which is great. It’s still not easy though.

Kudos to you! I wish you every happiness with your children and in your single life. I hope you eventually find someone who will cherish you, love your kids as well and HONOR you.

Julie
on July 29th, 2012

It does take a strong woman to leave this “wonderful marriage” she thought she had. It takes an even stronger woman to stay and honor your vows and make the marriage work. Been in your shoes before. And found out through a text. But…in the end I never doubted my love for my husband nor his for me. People make mistakes. BIG mistakes. We have worked through the how’s and why’s, and now we are stronger than ever. It just came down to love for each other. Nothing more complicated than that.

Anonymous
on July 29th, 2012

I have been with my boyfriend for close to 4 years now (but I have known him for over 10 years), he is a divorced father of 2 boys ages 10 and 8. His ex could and still never takes responsibilty for herself. When their marraige broke down she claimed to everyone that it was because he had cheated on her, which was absolutely false. She even asked me if I had cheated with him, and she did so as casually as you would ask how the weather was outside. In the first few years of our relationship you could see how when she spoke to him she was clearly still trying to contol his actions, she would still make excuses as to why she needed to come into his house, and she would use her children as a means of ‘getting back at him for leaving their family.’ I even heard her one time saying to the children, ‘he left us, he left us.’ as she was crying. He tries to show them and tell her that he left her, but she cannot seem to disinguish the two. Anything and everything was to be blamed on him, if the boys had a headache it was because he did or didn’t give them medicine, or feed them enough or had caused them emotional trauma. If the talked back to her, that was his fault. If they lied, which children do just because, their lying was never without fail linked to him in some way.

She used to continually ask him why he wouldn’t co-parent with her, and in the same sentence make some comment about his poor parenting skills. Let me make something very clear, he is an excellent father. He has them 3 days a week, and he also makes a very steep child support payment without complaint because he wants to provide for his children. She has not worked at all since she has had the boys, something that is very hard for me to get past, as it was instilled in me that everyone has to work and earn what they have. Also, because to me she is taking away from her own children, but I digress.

Even though she should have gone to couseling, she has not. But even still, things have gotten a little better as time has gone on. It’s sad that it took her learning that she can be under scrupilation from the courts as well, for there to be a sort of peace among them. They both attend the boys baseball and football games and go to their school funstions. But it doesn’t matter how we got there, it’s good for the two boys who were and are caught in the middle. The peace though is mostly due to the fact that my boyfriend always takes the high road and puts his childrens needs first. He will always switch days to accomoate her wanting to do something fun for the boys, even though she will not reciprocrate, because after all those are ‘her’ days to have them. (Just recently he asked to take them to a Packer game on a Thursday to replace the Saturday she took to take them to Chicago for family night, and she refused saying that Thursday is her day).

It’s not easy to take responsibily for yourself and to look at how your own actions affect those around you. I think that it is amazing that you are able to do so, and your story is so inspiring because you didn’t sugar coat it. We cannot control the actions around us, but we can control our reactions to it. (Well, most of the time.)

Gianna
on July 29th, 2012

Bravo, Garcelle. Well said. Your boys are too cute. We as woman have to remember that we as individuals matter, whether we have a man or not in our lives, being at your best self is better than any relationship with a man.

a.
on July 29th, 2012

there is a way to healing, and that is through looking at everything honestly – the good, the bad, the ugly as it were of both the offending partner and yourself.

you have chosen to end the cycle of pain, not the easy choice, but the right one for yourself, and for your children; this will pay off in dividends, in both mental and emotional health, ultimately it will play out for generations of your family.

thank you for being honest about this process so to inspire others, it makes you a hero of the human experience. if only everyone could let go of the ego, pride, etc. to move on in humility, love and dignity … you inspire with your light.

Felicia K
on July 29th, 2012

Ive never been married. but i have been cheated on and hurt. that was a honest inspiring story. thk u so very much for sharing.

Anonymous
on July 29th, 2012

Sounds like your husband is going through a mid life crisis. There’s a great site called The Heros Spouse. It really helps you understand what is going on in their heads.

kassandra
on July 30th, 2012

Very eye opening and well said!!

LaShawn
on July 30th, 2012

WOW! Garcelle, your words are my words too! Your candid blog brought me to tears when you stated your son said, “Mommy, when I’m with Daddy, I miss you, and when I’m with you, I miss Daddy.” ***tears***

I also co parent 50/50 with my ex husband and I know my son feel the same way. It will get easier as the kids get older and understand this is now their way of life. It took me a long time to heal from the infidelity, accepting that the “idea” of marriage that I always wanted no longer existed and forgiving myself. I managed to forgive him sooner than I forgave myself. I blamed myself for choosing the wrong partner and putting my son in this situation, which I didn’t grow up in. Six years later, I’m at a better place. Thank you for sharing your story.

Mary
on July 30th, 2012

Garcelle, thank you for this honest, heartfelt message. I’m glad you took responsibility for how you got there, left something unhealthy and let go of the anger and bitterness. I love that you shared these painful lessons with us – you are strong and beautiful and full of light.

K
on July 30th, 2012

It was so nice to read this blog and then all the heartfelt comments instead of everyone trashing. I am currently going through a divorce and every decision I make I try to put my daughter’s feelings first. I know my soon-to-be ex does the same and that is why she is doing so well. If you can split time 50/50 it really does seem to be the best way. We always sit together at her events and sometimes it is incredibly painful, but it is what is best for her.

Another great book I’ve read is Surviving Crazy Time. Thank you for your honest words and to all of you who have commented….you are not alone.

Tasha
on July 30th, 2012

Very inspiring story about strength and forgiveness. I have recently gone through a similar situation and it’s amazing what peace you have when you learn to let go of the pain and work towards raising your child. Kudos to you for handling this negative situation so positively! Looking forward to additional blogs.

melissa
on July 30th, 2012

Garcelle…I remember when this happened to you…having no idea that it was about to happen to me. My husband left me for another (married, childless) woman when my kids were 4, 2 and 10 months.

I am trying so hard to get my life back together and move past the pain. The other woman divorced her husband, too, and they are still together. I struggle daily with the reminder of the most painful thing that has ever happened to me. I, like you, try to take the high road and keep the pain of my husband’s rejection away from my children. My friends have been wonderful to me as well, however, I am on the outskirts of life as all of my friends are still married.

I do take solace in the fact that I know my ex is still lying and cheating on the adulteress as well. I KNOW that I am better off without him emotionally, and I am working to be as healthy as I possibly can and get over the dream of what I thought my life would be. Since I was a stay-at-home Mom, it means starting my life over from scratch, and it is hard not to be angry about some of the financial hardships. I am working daily on removing the negativity that I have felt for the past year and a half from my life! He has taken enough from me!

Anonymous
on July 30th, 2012

That’s such an awesome story…I wish Madame Thora Serrant could read this and learn something from it!!!

j
on August 1st, 2012

I applaud you for coming out and detailing the most intimate and painful experience that you have gone through in order to help others. Your words and actions are inspiring! The way that you have put your love for your children above all else demonstrates what a great mom and person you are. It’s a shame that a man’s careless, selfish action can ruin a family in an instant. He is a fool to have cheated on someone as beautiful as you.

Tanya
on August 2nd, 2012

wow..such a touching story to read..I found myself a single mom 7 years ago because of the same situation..got cheated on and he totally just walked out on us..the feeling of hopelessness I remember well often blaming myself u see I was only in my 20’s and thought everyone was like me..innocent , & faithful,but I was wrong.I held alot of anger but I thank God everyday that He helped me channel that anger and get on with my life..3 years later I met and married the love of my life..puts his family first..I always heard of that phase when one door closes another opens and I didn’t realize what it meant until I married my love with all our children over looking a waterfall in Jamaica..everything I have ever wanted..it took me a long time to realize I was worth much more then someone walking out on me..thank you for telling your story and letting woman young and old know that u can come back from heartbreak..

Sienna
on August 2nd, 2012

Can I ask you (Garcelle) and others if the ex’s have helped with some of the healing at all? To be able to sit next to the ex, after what has been done, does being able to do this come mainly from your own healing and will or do the ex’s ever give some heartfelt honesty about WHY the situation happened or an apology of some sort, that helps to forgive? This is such a great blog entry, as others have said, the honesty truly is “refreshing”, much luv to all who can understand the pain.

That was a courageous story, thank you for sharing your experience with us. I am the child of a broken home due to my father’s infidelities.

And to those thinking about staying with a cheater, think of the damage it will do the kids in the long run. I was on to my father’s cheating way before my mother chose to see it and I was only 11. Kids at school would comment about seeing my father around town with another woman. This hurt and strained the relationship between me and my mother because she chose to turn a blind eye to it. Kept giving him ultimatums to leave her, and my father would take his frustrations out on me. Even after the woman called on my 14th birthday looking for him, it was MY fault for getting upset.

Years later I found out that this was not an isolated incident and I may have a half-sister a few months older than me by another of my father’s “women”. Wish my parents had been able to be as selfless as you and put us kids first. Maybe my brother and I would have had an easier and happier childhood.

Daisy
on August 8th, 2012

What is wrong with men? No marriage is safe these days.

Mary
on August 9th, 2012

Wow! My son told me the same exact thing one day how he missed me when he was with his dad and how he missed his dad when he was with me. It crushed me and made me cry. But im glad Im not alone. Its hard to deal with hurt and betrayal and still focusing on your children. I can only imagine doing it as a celebrity. Thanks for sharing

JD
on August 10th, 2012

your story was so honest, and uplifting. I have not been through that situation but I know so many women who have been. To be able to face the betrayal, grow from it, share your story and what you learned is amazing. I am truly inspired as a woman. I look forward to your future blogs.

Tiffany
on August 10th, 2012

This happened to me yesterday. My whole world just imploded. Of course I haven’t slept a wink all night but something made me surf the web and I found this blog. I can’t thank you enough for your honesty and I can see I will be stopping by the bookstore today. Wish me luck…Hopefully I can be as strong as you.

Game, set, match: Garcelle! (just joking – i know, it’s not a competition!) But we all wanna pick a winner, don’t we? So when we can’t inspire the Chosen One to be our prince (or princess), we feel like total failures.

I guess i can’t force my guy to be my prince if he’s determined to be a toad and FRiTTeR (?) away that precious mojo which i freely, unconditionally helped him maximize. “That was meant for you and ME, baby!” i rail, panicking that all my adoration, devotion, respect and va-va-voom –boosts to my man’s worth and SELF-worth– have been smuggled out the door and wasted on some worthless P.O.S. instead of cherished as priceless gifts for just the two of us (as they were meant).

But ~too late~ looks like i’ve lost him to that toothless tramp already, left to fend for my freshly-crippled self without so much as a crutch or a “thanks for everything, honey!”. Why? Because –as days then weeks go by without a peep out of him (but many sightings from ‘friends’ eager to impart impending doom) it dawns on me– my newly-no-good CHEATER doesn’t care he’s hurting me so much i wanna die, ‘FoRgeTTiNG’ all the good stuff that i’ve given him and treating that whole sweet decade of togetherness as a BLiP not worth acknowledging — or a bad bet that i must pay! LIKE i haven’t paid the highest price there is –my heart and soul– but not enough to prevent descent into the depths of HeLL…

Who knew i’d suffer so at what turns out to be my OWN LOVE’s heartless hand? Certainly not i, seething and suffering through every pore while trying to wrap my head round H.O.W. my love could bring himself to TURN AGAINST HIS OWN so ruthlessly, without letup or relief or one teeny tiny bit of comfort…?

i CAN’T just ‘accept’ such degradation from the man i’ve always treated with respect and loved with all my heart — or ‘take responsibility’ for these insults which AREN’T my 50% (tho i wish i knew what part IS mine!). Having had an illness entailing excruciating physical pain, i can say a breaking heart is much much worse — because there IS no pill to take that pain away. Even my dreams are full of heartache…

I admit, the dearth of karmic satisfaction reported here (in the article or comments) CONCERNS ME –eg. the ex ditches his trailer tramp, disgusted; the kids can’t stand their sloppy stepmom; the ex’s girlfriend cheats on HIM… THAT kind of thing! Doesn’t happen? Is there NO vindication for the virtuous?!

One burning question, Garcelle: has your ex ever expressed sorrow or regret for cheating on you –or opened up to you at ALL as to WHY he did it?

PeTunia
on August 14th, 2012

I wish I could let go of the anger. :( Eight years later and I’m still angry. I’m so tired. Good for you, girl! Your quality of life will be so much better.

marii
on August 16th, 2012

Wow…that’s crazy im reading this right now in my life, just happened to come to the website and browse on my ‘break’ at work and now im sitting in my office tearing up! haha, im going through a break-up right now-he cheated on me, and she’s now pregnant with his first bio child.

i have two children, not his-but he has been there since my youngest was a baby and is the only person they know as ‘dad.’ We were planning on having one this year…and then the woman told me in march she was having his baby in aug (this month) so she got pregnant LAST nov. we were going through a hard time but i never thought he would cheat. now im stuck b/c i let this man…allowed him into my kids’ life and they know/love him as dad and as little of a MAN i think he is, he is a good father to them.

we’ve talked about how this was going to work–and honestly i still do not have a clue. but i do know that my kids dont deserve to be without their dad b/c im feeling a certain way..but it is sooooo hard to deal with the pain…

thanks much for sharing. i needed this.

Mother of 2
on August 17th, 2012

I, too, went through a painful divorce from an unfaithful spouse 13 years ago. I learned early on how to put my feelings aside to better our daughters life. I was committed not to interfere in their relationship and despite the fact that my 14 year old no longer has a relationship with her father and worked through the adoption process to have my husband adopt her, I still hold no ill-will against my ex.

I see my friend’s children growing up with their mothers’ negative attitudes toward their ex’s and their ex’s current spouses and it is so much of a burden for the children, I was committed to NEVER do that to my daughter. She didn’t even know my ex was supposed to pay child support until recently! I applaud this mother for going above her own feelings to recognize the love the children’s father has for them and she puts their needs before her own.

Jen
on August 17th, 2012

You go, girl! My ex and I also have twins and he also cheated and betrayed me. He left his girlfriend’s car in our driveway! Forgiveness and co-parenting are what it’s all about. Not easy, really hard, but works for the kids.

Sam
on August 18th, 2012

Just one question to those who had infidelity happen to them out of nowhere. Why would you want to forgive him and give him absolution and satisfaction? Why give him that? He doesn’t deserve forgiveness and to have that burden of guilt released from him.

Katelyn
on August 18th, 2012

Sam,

All I have to say is……….your absolutely right!!!!!!!!”

Anne
on August 20th, 2012

Thank you for your honesty. I can imagine it was not easy to be that transparent, but you articulated beautifully, what happens when a relationship crumbles because of infidelity. You’re a strong woman & I wish you happiness & love moving forward. You have a lovely family. Be well.

Kimber
on August 20th, 2012

Amazing! I’m so glad I took the time to read this. I found your comments deep and though I am married and haven’t gone through a divorce, I think your experience is something every mother and wife can both relate to and gain insight from. Thank you!

Marina
on August 21st, 2012

What beautiful writing, and a real boost for those recovering from similar circumstances. It’s not just a diatribe, but offers hope, practical advice, and a first person account of suffering a life tragedy and coming thru it changed, but whole. I always loved Garcelle Beauvias, both for her acting, and for the positive role model she has always been for family life.

kathy
on August 21st, 2012

I went through the same thing i was married for 25 yrs, but luck would have it my boys were grown. BUT no matter how old they are it still affects them. I was very bitter, my ex cheated and disappeared for a week without any of us knowing. I was so upset over the cheating as i was what he did too my children the pain and worry he put them through with not knowing if dad was alive or dead.

It took me a year to get past it, but i have always encourage my boys to have a relationship with their dad and mend fences, otherwise it would affect them in their relationship! Its so great to see you put your feeling aside and put the children first, after all they are the innocent victims.

smama
on August 21st, 2012

Garcelle,
If you are reading this I want you to know… this is some of the most moving writing I have read. How you are able to articulate your feelings helps so many people. Thank-you.

Dawn
on August 22nd, 2012

I too found out the hard way of my husbands infidelity, you truly do feel an out of body type experience. We have 3 beautiful children, I struggled with teaching the kids to be forgiving, or by leaving teaching them to not forgive. It was a struggle I dealt with for years. 8 years after the fact we did divorce. My kids are dealing with the issue in different ways, but all to some degree were hurt. Hindsite is 20-20.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It doesn’t matter if you are a famous personality or a suburban mom, it hurts all the same.

crazydi
on August 23rd, 2012

Reading this article really made me cry from the inside as well as outside…..As a divorced mom for 10 yrs, I never had a cheating husband to a human but rather “the bottle” and I one day realized that I was “enabling” my husband and didnt want my daughters to become enablers so after 2 yrs of being back/forth on whether to end my marriage I did ….

We remained friends, even after he had a heart attack while on vacation with our daughters, I was at his side and albeit he has remarried, he and I remain very cordial and still shoot the breeze because he KNOWs that ill always have his back because he was an AWESOME husband/father to our children!!

God Bless you Garcelle for being so courageous/strong and putting your childrens emotional stability ahead of your personal feelings because far too often children become pawns for a hurt womans revenge and the only people who pay the price are them!

carolyn
on August 23rd, 2012

Wowwwww Garcelle….your story moved me to tears, thank you so very much for sharing. So amazing you are.

Iliana
on August 23rd, 2012

I never comment on this blogs because I finds most celebrities to be self-absorbed and too congratulatory. Your rawness and willingness to be brutally honest struck a chord with me.

I also was betrayed by my ex (although I did not find out until we were separated and had already filed for divorce). His family has not been supportive of me and my own mother rolls her eyes every time I attempt to analyze what went wrong, or when I feel vulnerable and need help. In her own words, my dream of ever having a family and getting married are “a dream, and dreams are stupid”, and she hates the fact that I am “not strong”.

Thanks for showing me the strength in accepting your own fallibility and the fact that you are human. God bless you.

anah
on August 23rd, 2012

Dear Garcelle my heart goes out to you. Be strong.

I am married to a man that promised me the world, gave me a lot but with it he also gave me an immense amount of pain. His betrayals have torn me apart over and over. I find myself looking for myself. I have three amazing little boys and I am lost, lost in a broken relationship.

There are times that I can’t breath, the pain is so intense I walk away from my children so they don’t see me crying. I keep going back and forth, should I stay or should I go? What will happen next? How can I make it as a single mother of three boys? So many questions.

Now, when it comes to forgiving, well I forgive but I can’t forget. And, forgiving me? for what? I didn’t do anything wrong. I have been the wife in every way, I felt head over heels for him and I married him for life. He crushed my world, my dreams and all my beliefs. I am a broken soul and I don’t trust love.

Thank you for sharing your story and for your list of books. Be well.

Driggy
on August 30th, 2012

Garcelle….a very touching and uplifting story into your personal life. You proved the old saying….”We can’t control what happens in our life (well, for the most part)…but, we can control how we react to it.”

While most people out there have been cheated on (or been the cheater in some cases), you’ve been honest that relationships aren’t perfect….in fact, they’re LOTS of HARD WORK sometimes (not just marriages, but, also relationships with friends, with families, with coworkers, etc.).

You’ve given people a glimpse past that pain of betrayel, that hurt to your spirit….and showed them that if they want it, they too can see the light at the end of the tunnel (and that it doesn’t have to mean that it’s a train coming at them…LOL). Sorry about that last line….I tend to always try to find FUNNY in any and every situation (even during the worst moments, if you can find something to make you laugh….it lifts the spirit a little higher (and for you out there reading this…trust me, if you can find something to make yourself laugh, you’ll be a little happier each time….in spite of yourself…Haha)).

I admire and respect you for working so hard to still have a relstionship with your ex…not just for your kids, but, for yourself as well (after all, you and your ex are always going to be a part of one another’s lives because you share children). That says more about you and your ex than your divorce ever will!!!

Anne
on August 30th, 2012

@Karen, cheating on your wife and kids for 5 YEARS of your marriage (which was more than half the time they were married) is not a “human mistake”!!!!!!!! If thats what you tell yourself in order to feel better about staying with your husband, then more power to you. But you have to wonder, would he have continued to cheat until she found out? I don’t even think he deserves her forgiveness for what he did to their family.

And to the girl who was talking about her boyfriend’s ex crying to their kids that their father left them, HE DID! When you make the CHOICE to cheat, you are also cheating on your kids. I could never imagine being with another man then coming home and kissing my kids goodnight. That would feel disgusting to me. They love their father and it would devestate them if I betrayed the family that way. I’d leave before I’d cheat.

Amina
on September 2nd, 2012

Wonderfully written and inspiring!

mqs
on September 8th, 2012

ur blog is very inpirational. i too found out my husband of 6 years was cheating on me for 6 months we have a 4 yr old n a 16 mos old. we have been seperated since 12/31/11 and he went to go live with his “girlfriend” since that day, however after 4 mos he left her n moved to his moms. now he wants to “work it out “…but i dont have love for him.

i cant see myself with him anymore, i too think still now what about my kids? should i stay for them ? but when im upset they r upset so i learned forgiveness was key to help ME move on n i forgave him immediately so that I COULD HEAL..we honestly get along great as friends..sad how he so easily ruined everything in his life before turning 30..im however scared to file for divorce because i feel my boys will say “mom didnt try”

Seanshine
on September 9th, 2012

Garcelle I really admire you! Than you for sharing your story, it takes great courage to do what you’ve done. :)

Maria
on September 10th, 2012

Good Bless you Garcelle! By putting the love of your children above everything else, you’re simply a spectacular human being! You are blessed! Life is too short to waste on anger! Live, Live, Live and be joyful! Much happiness and blessings in your future!

Marilyn
on September 18th, 2012

This was real inspiring.

Lee
on September 27th, 2012

When I’d been married for 9 years and had a 2yr and 3r old (conceived after years of inferility), my husband left me and the kids to live with and eventually marry his mistress who I knew nothing about. I too thought we had a good life and trusted him totally and was totally devastated in the wake of his deception. The more I found out (which of course I obsessively pursued), the worse it got. I was so good at putting on a brave face that people couldn’t see how broken I was. Sometimes I couldn’t even cry because I’d become so accustomed to holding it in and hiding my pain.I came to the same conclusion that I wasn’t going to get better until I mourned my former life and forgave them both. It’s been 3yrs and you are right that sometimes it can still be hard. The hardest is when my kids say things about missing their dad or when I’m handling something that normally would be his responsibility. My faith, family, friends, and counselor were all so helpful. Still healing but soooo much better and ever hopeful.

imani
on September 27th, 2012

I can’t fathom why she is so upset. Infidelity happens every day all day. She is not exempt. She should focus on her boys because they did not cheat on her. They love her unconditionally. And she should not have been so public about what her husband did, because no other man is going to want to be with a woman who will air their dirty laundry if things don’t work out.

Jasmine
on September 30th, 2012

I just found out about a month ago about my husband of a year and 3 months had an affair and the woman is 6 months pregnant. I honestly feel like I’m dying inside. Of course my first inpulse was to put him out immediately but I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to give up so easily what a failure I must would seem to everyone as this is my 2nd marriage. He says he loves me and wants to work it out that he felt like I didn’t love him and that I was cheating on him something that I never have done. We did go to therapy twice it’s not working. I’m still in shock and I’m living in agony. I know I have to make my own choice about what to do but the more I think about it I want out it and first his twisted words worked I felt like I was to blame but I know no one deserves this kind of pain. Thank you for sharing your story. I know from experience that it’s not easy for you to speak out on this. I am so ready to show him the the door so I can have a chance to live my life in peace the way that God wants me to.

Jasmine
on September 30th, 2012

My husband cheated on me while still newlyweds. We’d been married for a year and 3 months when his other woman contacted me to tell me they have a child on the way. They are both trash! He wants to stay with me and at first I was going to try. How can I admit to the world that yet again I married a looser. At first he was trying to put most of the blame on me saying he felt like I didn’t love him ok you could have left I did not make you go sleep with someone else. He’s been cheating our entire marriage as the woman an x of his is 6 months pregnant. The pain is unbearable I cry everyday. I’m living in agony and feel like I’m dying inside. We are still together as of now. If we separate now not only will I be mourning what he did to me but the loss of our marriage as well. I want to find peace and solitude but I don’t know where to find it. I’m lost and don’t know what to do.

Maudelyne Eliantus
on September 30th, 2012

Wow all I have to say that you are a very strong woman.I adore u May God blessed u and the boys.

Shaun
on October 25th, 2012

I know that this post is old but I needed to comment. I found out at 7months pregnant that my husband was cheating. When confronted, he blamed me for being too emotional during my pregnancy. He never said sorry. Then at 36 weeks my baby died. I left him last month. I moved out as soon as i left the hospital after delivering my dead baby. I cannot understand how the husband that sat by me during doctor visits while we went through a year of fertility treatments could just stop caring. I am just so hurt right now. This is my second marraige and I am 33. I want children but I can’t even see myself trusting anyone. I am just so hurt.

Katelyn
on October 26th, 2012

Dear Shaun,

I am so sorry for your loss. All I can tell you from my experience you did not marry a man……..you married a coward. I too struggled with fertility for many years and we decided (at least I thought)
to get a donor. Well to make a long story short everything was done selection of donor, I took all my meds to get prepared for donor cycle and when it came time to pay doctor…..the money was gone…he gambled it away!!!!! Can you imagine the state I was in when I had to call the donor agency and the fertility doctor to cancel everything. He never said he was sorry…….cowards never do! I filed for divorce….I deserve a real man….we all do. Best of luck

Evita
on November 11th, 2012

My story is a bit more difficult in that my husband of 10yrs cheated with my SISTER… It’s been a yr since however the pain & inner struggle continues to steal the air around me…

Evita, I can’t imagine the pain and betrayal you must feel. My husband is a college instructor having an affair with his student. I haven’t had the horror of meeting her yet. But he has left me to pursue “his love” for her. Your sister should be the one comforting you… I am so sorry for your heartache and I pray that God brings you peace that passes understanding.

80% of women want the same 20% of the men. There’s a price to pay to get them. Don’t hold your partner to impossible standards and you won’t be so devastated.

minnie
on August 13th, 2013

you are a perfect example that time heal all wounds I am so happy for you. your beautiful now call Jamie fox he can make you happy in many ways..

Safiya
on January 27th, 2014

Bravo! I have been divorced since 2001. I can identify with so much of what your experience. Mine did not end from adultery, yet I had to discover my voice nonetheless. I am very glad to see that you embraced your journey because therein lies the healing.

jennifer
on January 28th, 2014

I found out just recently that my husband who I loved and trusted had failed me. It felt like someone took the covers out of my eyes and revealed the cruel trueth. I never thought in my mind that I would ever be in this position. It hurts so much. It hurts to see my 2 year old asking for daddy. The family that I prayed so much to have is broken. I want this ride of emotions to end. Hopefully I can get to point where i can look at this differently

Jun Josh
on April 10th, 2014

Wow smh

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on May 30th, 2014

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Beautiful strong women. I think all women should stick together. Supporting one another. Just sometimes damn difficult to trust them. Ladies I am still coping with my husband’s betrayal. Guess what, we have been dating for 10 years. The 3 last years of that ten years things started to be not so pleasant anymore. We almost broke up. Graciously we worked things out, or so I thought. We were happy and in love. I got a job in another place about 500 km from him. Thought what the hell, we are fine and this could Be good for My career. I missed him so much however he visited me every weekend. We got engaged, i found out i was pregnant and we had everything going for us. When i was 8 months pregnant we got married. It was the best day of My Life. Our beautiful son was born a month after the wedding. When Joshua turned 4 months, exactly on the last Day of My maternity leave, (God works in mysterious ways), i tried to log on to access My emails, and he (husband) forgot to close his e-mails, i found the most shocking emails between My husband and his mistress. What i could gather from the emails was that they have been dating for almost 2 years. The warning signs was there, i chose to ignore them. I chose to stay with him. I still Love him. This happened a year ago. There is not a day passing that i dont think about it. We never went for counseling. We chose to follow God. We dont talk about it anymore. I take it one day at a Time. NB: Do not ignore the warning signs.

Angela
on June 29th, 2014

I’m going through the same things, but the kids are grown. But we have a 5 year old grand-daughter that loves us to death and she’s so happy when we are together. We have not divorce which all the B******* just happen. But my husband has been cheating on me with a lot of random women. It left me feeling less than a woman; my self-esteem is gone. I look in the mirror and ask myself whats wrong with me. I do not think I will ever be able to trust again.

Marian
on July 2nd, 2014

My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted Dr. OKORO LOVE SPELL and after I explained my problem, In just 3 days my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solved our issues, and we are even happier more than ever before Dr. OKORO you are the best spell caster. I really appreciate the love spell you cast for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work. Thank you once again Dr. OKORO. You can also contact Dr. OKORO via email address: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: dr.okorospelltemple01@ gmail. com AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

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Nate Maclean1
on September 6th, 2014

My advice to any one who might be thinking of contacting a spell caster,is to contact Metodo i know he the only real spell caster i think still leaves his methods will speak and make you believe. I am not really that kind of person that disclose much about myself experience especially on the internet but today i am going to make an to exception I really never intended to say to anybody that i used a spell to get what i wanted in life not cos i am ashamed of it but cos some may never believe cos its seem like something that can never happen. All it take is to find the real and right spell caster. Am that kind of person that have always thought that marrying a rich man will set me free in financially as a matter of fact i have been married to to four different men all for money i guess after every divorce with every one of them i didn’t as much as i expected even when there was no prenuptial agreement signed. But When i met my firth to be husband,i never expected i will fall for him so much i mean he was so charming cute and for the first time he made me feel safe like he will always be here for me not matter what happens. For the first time i was in love. Maybe i don’t know what love is cos i never felt it for any one my ex husband the only detail i can give is that my heart literally beats fast when he was around me, anytime he ran his finger through my hair. I always knew my past will come to hurt me no matter what i do but i never gave it to much thought cos i never thought i will meet this kind of man. At the time i meant him ,it was not a while before the relationship became serious cos i bet he loved me also. We moved in together and our relationship just blosoomed. He was gentle with me always i mean my life was a fairy tale for a moment. But then again my past life that was to be left in the closet got out. I was so much in love to not tell him about my pasted life i just wanted to left him know like this was the person i use to be but cos of him i changed .He brought me to the light. I guess that was not the case he grew mad at me and thought i was going to do the same thing to him just like my exes. I don’t know if it was that in the last 4 years i have been married four time to four different men cos of their bank statement that made him mad of was that i didn’t tell him all this while. All the same after a while of not speaking with me he moved out. I thought he was going to call i just wanted to give him space i mean my friends suggested i did that but time few by with no call no text the only time he came back to our house was to pick his remaining things. The first man i have ever loved was walking out of my life just like a mist that comes and go i wanted him back to show him that he changed me to show him with him am a different person,He kept saying he would not want the same thing to happen to him just like my exes i believed he still loved he though he never said but that thought made me contact Metodo the spell caster for help. I saw positive comments about him and someone said she has actually seen, that is come in contact with him during the time he helped her. Was not really sure what to believe i just thought i was desperate i need help right away or i was going to lose my dream man for life. Like honestly i was not going to travel for over thirteen hours or so to look for metodo in were he leaves cos one i din’t know anybody there and two my run my private spa so i had little all not time and it will be an expensive thing to do. I could not also get the materials he needed to cast the spell so i had to ask him to get them for me so i can give him the money to pay for them. Within the first seven week he sent me a some candle with some hand written don’t really know what to call it but will say words to recite at night at the right hour. At that time within the seven days, Stephen started coming around all the time i mean i don’t think it was coincidental cos really it wasn’t. I believed what Metodo was doing was working. Just after those seven day i received a parcel with something he gave me instruction on how to use. This is no lie in anyway Stephen and i are back together now he is no slave to anything cos of the spell he is just the way he was before the spell only made him love me more and never talk or think about my past life. Not everybody will believe this more over its just something on the internet but my heart knows every of this word that formed this entire comment is true. Living Metodo contact for those who believes me and needs help metodoacamufortress @ yahoo. com

Wow touching story very encouraging. I am actually in my marriage still after hearing my husbands unfaithfulness via over the the phone in action and seeing text messages to another women . Its amazing how one min. U can be up the next min. You can be down. rage was my friend and bipolar mood swigs became my cousin. Through it all only Gods grace can allow you to open up and really just forgive.it may be hard but bitterness will really rot your bones and make u sick. Things will get better for those who have endured these hardships with JESUS AND PRAYER everyday gets sweeter. yiur testimony is a life line to othothers .. people are dieing litein real life to hear it.. continue to let Jesus heal you the process in the end is beautiful

It’s also important to understand why affairs happen. Decades of research support this: a person commits infidelity in response to, or in escape from, his/her unaddressed emotional issues. It is NOT the fault of the betrayed spouse, the marriage, or the internet.

Thanks for this. Betrayal is so common, yet the pain makes you feel so isolated. I am still healing, dealing with an x who is inconsistent and untrustworthy. I can only pray my daughter will rise above this. I am blessed God has instilled in me to best the mother I can be… I trust God will give us double for our trouble.

Tasha
on December 12th, 2014

I was inspired reading your story and related to the parts about your emotions. I have not reached the point of forgiveness. Although we were legally divorced my ex-husband & I reconciled and had a second child. However, when I was 8 months pregnant he started a relationship with another girl. He wanted to be faithful to her that he would not sleep in the same bed with me anymore although I was carrying our second child. I hope to forgive him someday so I can be healed and go on with my life, but he is not a good man. He has drug/alcohol issues and committed domestic violence in the presence of our children. I understand God has closed a door I couldn’t, but the pain he continues to cause me with the threat that I could loose our children, which I have raised and provided for, sickens me. How can I forgive that? Anyhow, thanks for listening and I pray my children and I will remain together in the end of all of this. I am putting my children first before my emotions but the forgiving him and his 18 yr old girlfriends part in all this, is very hard right now.

My one and only marriage, in love and happy, 14 years together with a 1 and 2 year old after massive pregnancy health challenges…he had to go on the road for 5 months to take a high paying overtime job to pay down our hospital bills from that. After he got home I found out by accident he’d had a 5 mo. affair with a stripper there, and he was leaving me/us to move there. He left 20 hours after I found out. He moved 3,000 miles away from his babies. I had to move in with my parents at 40 y.o. with 2 babies and he is off living a party filled life with her. They are going to marry. It’s been a year since he left. I can’t get my head around the fact that I did everything I could for an intact family and it was stolen from me and my angels. I loved and served him like a king and gave him his beautiful new family. He should never have done this. I can’t come back from this. It’s just too big. I’ve tried everything. I believe there are just some things that are so fundamentally unfair and wrong that it isn’t possible. I will never date, I hate my body now, I distrust all men, I have rage and there’s nowhere for it to go. How do you hand someone the work and loneliness of the life of single mom and then just drive off into the sunset towards your romantic new beginning? He will never pay for this in the grand scheme of things.. There’s no justice here. There’s no karma here. There is just struggle and pain and unfulfilled longing for me and my kids forever. It’s more than the sensitive soul of a woman is supposed to bear. It’s HORRIFYING.