[glstn.openly.gay.teachers]
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UNDERSTANDING THE EXPERIENCE OF OPENLY GAY AND LESBIAN EDUCATORS BY KEVIN
JENNINGS, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, GLSTN
This article synthesizes themes that emerged from a study based on
thirty-six autobiographical essays by openly gay and lesbian teachers from
thirteen different American states as well as Australia. It begins by
situating the gay teacher within the context of a traditionally homophobic
society in which schools have transmitted dominant heterosexist ideology to
the younger generation, thus imperiling the careers of gay teachers. It
examines the data for the study and its advantages and limitations.
The article then examines what contributors reported as to the factors that
compelled them to remain closeted, including fears of job loss, adverse
reactions from parents and administrators, and negative student responses,
and it addresses the impact that being closeted had on contributors
professionally and personally. The next section deals with the consequences
of their individual decisions to come out at school as gay people, and the
impact this had on participant self-esteem, relations with parents,
students and colleagues, and classroom performance. A conclusion addresses
the historical importance of the increased number of openly gay teachers.
The essay is 9,115 words long.
"We are probably the most deeply closeted group in the gay community. You
all know THE BIG RULE for Being Out. 'It's okay as long as you DON'T FLAUNT
IT.' For us there is a different rule: 'It's not okay. You are not fit to
teach children. You are fired!' Being so deep in the cloakroom is not
healthy for us as individuals, but by far the most damaging effect of the
'NO GAY OR LESBIAN TEACHERS ALLOWED' rule is how it perpetuates
stereotyping, bigotry and fear by controlling the perceptions of the young.
For the vicious cycle of prejudice and bigotry to be broken, all young
people, no matter what their affectional preference--or even if they don't
know what that means--need to know adult lesbians and gays who are whole,
healthy, happy, courageous, and respected by their communities!"
--Pat McCart, Minnesota independent high school principal (p. 55)
THE CONTEXT: A BOLTED CLOSET DOOR
Gay teachers have traditionally been among the most closeted of all gay
people. As Griffin (1992) put it: "Lesbian and gay teachers often lead
secretive lives in school because they believe that identifying themselves
to colleagues, students, and their parents would result in one of two
unacceptable situations: They would either lose their jobs or their
credibility in the school community." (p.25)
Due to their desire to remain invisible, gay teachers have consequently
been the subject of little research. The bulk of the research that has been
done (Olson, 1986, 1987; Sciullo, 1984; Smith, 1985; Woods, 1990; Harbeck,
1992) has then been forced to focus on the experience of closeted teachers.
Summarizing the findings of this research, Griffin (1992) reports:
"Several patterns emerge from these studies. Lesbian and gay teachers:
--believe, almost universally, that to be "out" in school would cost them
their jobs;
--think that it is necessary to strictly separate their personal and
professional lives;
--live with a daily fear in school they will be discovered;
--isolate themselves from other teachers to avoid detection;
--resent the injustice of having to maintain a double life, lie to
colleagues and students, and endure the anti-gay attitudes and actions they
encounter in schools;
and
--hope that being an excellent and conscientious teacher will protect
them if their sexual identity becomes known at school." (p. 27)
Teachers who remain closeted do so out of a clear sense of the traditional
role professionals in their position have been expected to fill. This role
is situated within the context of a society that is "heterosexist," i.e.,
one that posits the heterosexual model as the only or proper one for all to
follow. As Khayatt (1992) put it in:
"Heterosexuality is normative. It is hegemonic. It is also institutionally
sanctioned, ideologically affirmed, and socially encouraged and expected.
It is not surprising that the majority of heterosexual people presume that
theirs is a 'natural conception of the world.' Conversely, homosexuals in
general realize that their sexuality or lives or politics do not conform
with the norm." (p. 205)
A primary mission of schools as institutions is to transmit the society's
dominant values to the younger generation. As Khayatt (1992) writes:
"Schools, as institutions, are part of the much larger social context of
culture, politics, and the economy.... Schools also reproduce some of the
ideologies that dominate the policies and structures of our cultural,
political, and economic life...They transmit it tacitly as well as
explicitly through the curriculum." (p. 145)
The experience of gay teachers, then, must be considered within the light
of the role of schools as institutions that transmit dominant values and
the attendant expectation that teachers will uphold those values. In such a
context, a gay teacher is inherently problematic. If, as Khayatt (1992)
says, "teachers are hired, not only on the basis of their professional
competency, but also as models of the ideological values they represent," a
gay teacher hoes a very tough row indeed. Intrinsically set outside the
boundaries of normativity in a heterosexist society, gay teachers
transgress a key boundary with regard to the values they are expected to
inculcate in their students, by the very fact of their existence. As
Khayatt (1992) writes of the clash between the values female teachers are
expected to uphold and those that lesbian teachers inherently represent:
"The notion of a lesbian teacher would obviously run counter to any
intended sociocultural reproduction in the school system that would
perpetuate the concept of women as wives and mothers." (p. 146)
Thus, gay teachers, by their very existence, seem to contradict a central
function of schooling in society.
Furthermore, gay teachers face a special onus. Many in our society
question the appropriateness of interaction between gay adults and
children, a questioning based on two premises: first, that homosexuality is
something to which one is "recruited" as it is a chosen behavior; and,
second, that homosexual are especially prone to prey on children. Both
premises are false: scientific evidence increasingly disproves the former
(Burr, 1993), while statistics consistently show that heterosexuals are
over-represented in studies of actual incidents of child molestation--one
study found that heterosexuals were responsible for at least 97% of all
cases of child molestation and that a child is one hundred times more
likely to be molested by the heterosexual partner of a relative than by a
gay adult. (Elias, 1994) The persistence of these is misperceptions, which
continues despite the facts cited above, puts gay teachers especially as
risk, as Wallace (1995) reports:
"Coming out as gay or lesbian in any mainstream profession can be
challenging but, as they work directly with children, school teachers may
face even harsher scrutiny from anti-gay critics. As primary role models
for children and young adults, gay teachers are often attacked under the
worst (and fallacious) stereotapes: child molester or recruiter. Some of
the most 'tolerant' people may 'just not want them teaching my kids'." (p.
42)
Faced with such a special burden in a society already hostile to gay
people, it is little surprise that the patterns described by Griffin (1992)
above have emerged from studies of gay teachers. This is compounded as
teachers have few legal protections should they choose to come out. As
Bonauto (1994) writes:
"While coming out, that is, a simple statement of identity, should be
protected speech in the schools and elsewhere, that is not yet the law."
(p. 265)
Employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation illegal in
only nine states. (Bonauto, 1994) Even if protected, As Khayatt (1992)
found, many still feel vulnerable:
"Teachers I interviewed felt ... that even if boards of education
officially condemned discrimination against gay men and lesbians, coming
out in the classroom (or even among peers) would complicate their lives as
teachers...
They stood to jeopardize more than their job. They could forfeit their
'authority' in the classroom, their credibility with their peers, their
'appropriateness' with the parents, and their 'legitimacy' with the
administration."
Consequently, as Woods and Harbeck (1992) found in their study of lesbian
physical education teachers, "Participants most often engaged in identity
management strategies designed to conceal their lesbianism." Remaining in
the closet seems like the only viable option.
Recent reports in the media, however, indicate that time are changing,
albeit slowly (Jennings, 1994; Wallace, 1995; Farrow, 1995; Walsh, 1995;
Woog, 1995). The context of the larger society is evolving, and teachers
are part of that. As Wallace (1995) reports, the greater openness toward
gay issues which has taken hold in recent years has allowed some teachers
to take steps previously unthought-of:
"[T]eachers have been affected by the mainstreaming of gay and lesbian
issues. With the organization of National Coming Out Day, the introduction
of openly gay and lesbian characters in movies and television, the
establishment of gay organizations in nearly every professional field, and
the legislative support of pro-gay politicians (Republican Gov. William
Weld helped make Massachusetts the first state in the union to ban
discrimination against public school students on the basis of their sexual
orientation), people are coming out all over--and teachers aren't exempt
from that revolution." (p.42)
Wallace attributes this in part to an attitude shift that has occurred as a
new generation of teachers who began their careers in the aftermath of the
gay liberation movement has entered the workforce:
"Though many gay and lesbian teachers who grew up before the Stonewall
rebellion in 1969 say that most older gay teachers are closeted, younger
teachers are often optimistic about the future of the educational
atmosphere in America." (p.44)
More accustomed to openness than their predecessors, a younger generation
is challenging a taboo that has long held sway in their communities.
The experience of these teachers has been mixed. One well-documented case
is that of Rodney Wilson, a Mehlville, Missouri high school history teacher
who came out during a lesson on the Holocaust. Initially reprimanded by his
system, Wilson was targeted by school board candidates who ran on an
explicit platform of expelling gay issues from the schools. With the
support of his union, community groups, and several board members, Wilson
received tenure in April 1995 when the anti-gay candidates lost in the
biannual school board elections (Little, 1995). Not so fortunate was Penny
Culliton, a heterosexual New Hampshire English teacher who was suspended
after teaching gay-themed books that had been approved by her system's
curriculum review process, with a final hearing on whether or not she will
be fired pending at the time of this writing (Eklund, 1995). Although it is
still early, it is increasingly possible to examine the experiences of
teachers who have chosen to address gay issue openly rather than from
behind the closet door--teachers who are challenging an historic tradition
with deep roots in the norms, values, and customs of contemporary American
society.
THE DATA
The data for this essay consists of thirty-six autobiographical essays
submitted for ONE TEACHER IN TEN, an anthology published by Alyson
Publications in September, 1994. Various outreach methods were used to make
educators aware of the opportunity to submit essays for the anthology:
mailings to existing gay teacher organizations; networking through
community-based organizations such as gay community centers; announcements
at education and teacher conferences; and "snowball sampling," whereby
interested individuals were asked to recommend others who could be
contacted about the project. The call for submissions emphasized that
essays should focus on personal experience working in K-12 schools.
Contributors were offered the option of using pseudonyms if they wished.
The thirty-six selected contributors were a varied lot whose stories were
representative of the overall submission pool. Important characteristics of
the group include: a predominance of males (twenty-three men, thirteen
women); an over-representation of private school educators (twenty-three
public school teachers, thirteen private school teachers); an
over-representation of white teachers (thirty-four white teachers, two
African-American teachers, no other people of color); and an
over-representation of high school teachers (thirty high school teachers,
six elementary or middle school teachers). One contributor was from
Australia, with the remaining thirty-five coming from the following
American states: California (8), Massachusetts (7), New York and Washington
(3 each), North Carolina, Minnesota, Nebraska, Ohio, and New Hampshire (2
each), and Iowa, Colorado, Kentucky, and, Missouri (1 each). All but one
contributor chose to use his or her real name; four chose to use pseudonyms
for their school and/or the town in which they worked.
Both the content and nature of this data raise issues which qualify any
generalizations based upon it. The demographics of a sample composed
primarily of urban white male high school teachers indicates that large
populations are under-represented in OTIT. The range of experiences
represented in OTIT may not be fully reflective of the experiences of the
larger gay teacher community or even of the subset that has chosen to come
out. Furthermore, as a self-selected group, OTIT sample presents a
methodological problem. Those wiling to publish their stories, one might
assume, are willing to do so as a result of having had a generally positive
experience, and thus have fewer qualms about going public: those who fear
retaliation might self-select out of a similar project. Thus, it is
possible that an important subset of the population simply chose not to
submit their experiences for publication in OTIT.
A final qualification is taken from the nature of the essays.
Autobiographical in nature, these essays do not lend themselves to
quantifiable analysis, as a formal survey would. Contributors determined
their own content, which means that important issues that traditional
social scientists may have wished to investigate with hard-and-fast data
may have been unaddressed by many contributors. Rather, themes investigated
in this article come from a more impressionistic interpretation that draws
from recurring motifs in the collection.
Despite these qualifications, OTIT is an important document for those
seeking to understand the experience of gay and lesbian educators. No
similar collection has ever been published. The breadth and depth of this
sampling of teachers who, with one exception, have all been willing to
write under their own names is extraordinary. Given the prevailing cultural
myths that portray gay and lesbian people as predatory child molesters,
such "coming out" takes extraordinary courage and involves great risk,
particularly for the twenty contributors who work in states without legal
protections against discrimination for lesbian and gay people. The value of
looking closely at the experiences reported in OTIT cannot be
over-estimated, given the paucity of resources and research currently
available on the experiences of openly gay teachers.
WHY TEACHERS STAY CLOSETED: COMMON FEARS AND EXPERIENCES OF GAY AND LESBIAN
EDUCATORS
"I have always wanted to teach, to dance, to act in the theater, and to
write. But these were things that "faggots" did. And I was not a faggot. So
I chose careers that were strong, tough, and highly principled, like
accounting, law, a and computer sales ...
Since childhood I have longed to teach, but every message I received
reinforced the notion that respectable men did not become teachers. If men
taught at all, men became professors, and only as a second career. If they
taught high school, they became principals. So my real desire to teach
grades four, five, and six was dwarfed by these capricious standards and my
fear of parents accusing me of sexual abuse or statutory rape because I
hugged some young boy." (pp. 73-74)
-- Bert Hunter, New York public high school teacher
Fear is pervasive among gay teachers. As the above quote shows, this fear
can even affect the decision of whether or not to go into teaching itself.
Particularly for men (and especially for those working in elementary
schools), it is not only the stereotypes about child molestation but also
the "sissy" image of the profession that provides a powerful disincentive
to enter this, and other traditionally-female, field. (Rofes, 1995) For
women (especially in areas such as physical education), similar stereotypes
are at work. (Woods and Harbeck, 1992) OTIT contributors refer repeatedly
to various fears which paralyze many gay and lesbian teachers into
believing that being "closeted" is the only option available to them.
The most common fear expressed is one of the most obvious: that of job
loss. This is an obvious and real fear for the twenty contributors who work
in areas without civil rights protections, but even those teachers
protected by anti-discrimination laws feel at risk. Robert Parlin, a
Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote about his own coming out
that:
"I was also filled with fear about confronting homophobia at my school.
After all, I might be putting my job on the line if I came out as part of
this process. I knew that the Massachusetts gay rights law made it illegal
for me to be fired, but with no seniority in my department, job security
was a major concern." (p. 220)
Such fears are not unwarranted. Gretchen Coburn, a New Hampshire public
elementary school teacher, faced real discrimination after her divorce and
subsequent "coming out":
"My partner, who by this time had quit being a [school] bus driver and had
become a full-time member of the school community, was fired by my
ex-husband [the school board chair]. Her car was vandalized at school. Hate
notes were stuck on her door, foul messages were left on her answering
machine, and false rumors were spread by certain hostile staff members. She
changed the dead bolts on her house doors.
My job as a thirteen-year tenured teacher was threatened. I was
blackmailed by my ex-husband during our divorce process. His lawyer told my
lawyer that I could probably keep my job if I agreed to certain custody and
financial stipulations. Furthermore, my school principal kept nervously
warning me about the spreading of hostile sentiments among a few
townspeople." (p. 226)
Coburn's ability to survive these attacks rested largely on a track record
of distinguished classroom performance. For those without such a record,
feelings of vulnerability increase. A first-year independent high school
teacher in Rhode Island tells a story that illustrates this as well:
"The Headmaster took me aside after our first faculty meeting, a look of
concern on his face. He said "I'd like to talk with you about that piece of
metal in your left ear." I had gotten an earring that summer but, not being
sure how I wanted to deal with being gay in the high school setting, I had
made sure to have my left ear pierced, remembering the dictum "Left is
right and right is wrong," to throw off any suspicions that this was a
statement about my sexual orientation. It soon became clear that I had
failed to throw this particular blood hound off my scent. "If you're going
to wear that tomorrow on the first day of classes," he continued, "don't
bother coming in." Stunned and cowed, I took it out that night at home."
(p. 22)
Faced with a direct and real threat to job security, many gay teachers
simply do not feel able to "come out" at work.
This incident reflects a great sense of trepidation about possible
administrative reaction that many OTIT contributors shared. Given the
enormous power of administrators over teachers' careers (especially in the
independent school world, where union safeguards do not exist), teachers
are wary of alienating heads of schools. Many fear having their work held
under heightened scrutiny as a result of coming out. Tony Prince, a
Kentucky public high school teacher, experienced just such intense
examination within weeks of his "coming out":
"I was informed by my principal that she was implementing 'the significant
deficiency process' with me. This is a very serious and threatening
evaluative procedure which can result in dismissal. She mentioned to
me...that one of her reasons for instigating this process was that she had
observed me showing "cartoons" to my class. The "cartoons" she mentioned
were a video of Animal Farm, which I was showing as a review of the book,
which we had just finished reading. In the official deficiency notice
presented to me on May 24, I was no longer criticized for showing
'cartoons' but because 'the audio was high' (?!?) and, according to her,
six students had their 'heads down.' The principal, at a later meeting
arranged by my union with the assistant superintendent of schools, elevated
this figure to 'over half of the class.'...As part of the 'significant
deficiency' procedure, I was to be assigned two people from the school
system to 'visit' and 'assist' me." (p. 143)
Prince's observers first visited his class on the last day of the school
year in June. Despite such obvious attempts at intimidation, Prince was
rehired, as his observers could not find any "deficiency" in his teaching
despite over two dozen class observations in a three-month period. Many
teachers fear that they would lack Prince's fortitude in combatting such
harassment, should they themselves come out.
The reactions of colleagues are also problematic for gay and lesbian
teachers. OTIT educators feared damaging professional relationships with
colleagues if they come out, and indeed some have experienced this to be
true. New Hampshire public elementary school teacher Gretchen Coburn writes
that, after her coming out:
"I stopped going into the teachers' room for about two years. Why did I
decide to do this? Anytime I walked into the room the conversation ceased.
My allies let me know that I was the brunt of disdainful remarks. Most of
the staff chose to be cool and distant when I passed them in the
halls...there is nothing like being stared at in silence..." (p. 226)
Harassment can often extend beyond silence and "dirty looks." Gary
Campbell, a California public elementary school teacher, reported the
following incident:
"I was talking to another teacher when I overheard her say, "Did you hear
about the miracle of AIDS? It turns fruits into vegetables." I was stunned,
but before I could even think how to react, the bell rang and everyone left
for their class...I resolved that I would talk to her after school... As I
signed out, I told her that I was shocked at the joke... and that I didn't
understand how she could joke about people dying of such a horrible death.
She smirked an "I told you he was" look at another colleague and proceeded
to defend herself by saying she was just repeating a joke her husband had
heard at work. The smirk on her face enraged me even more than this
ridiculous defense. I don't remember all that was said, but it was a loud
and angry exchange. As I stormed out into the main room of the office, I
noticed there were numerous other teachers who had heard our conversation.
They, along with the three office clerks, just stood there with their
mouths open and their eyes bulging. They all appeared stunned and did not
utter a word." (p. 134)
Campbell's experience symbolizes the worst fears of gay teachers in terms
of their relationships with colleagues: not only will these relationships
be damaged by "coming out," few colleagues will speak up in their defense
when harassment occurs. Teaching, an already-isolating profession, can
become unbearable under such conditions.
Equally powerful was fear of community and parental reactions. Aware that
parents pay teachers' salaries (either in the form of public taxes or
independent school tuition), educators feel extraordinarily vulnerable in
taking stands which they perceive as running counter to parental desires.
Few such stands are as loaded as is coming out as a gay person. Karen
Keough, a Massachusetts independent high school teacher, describes an
incident which every gay teacher fears:
"During the 1992-93 school year shortly after I came out, I heard that an
'anonymous' parent had been in to complain that I should be removed from my
coaching position because I am a lesbian. This was after I had been
coaching at Milton Academy for five years and not ever hearing a complaint
about my coaching. When it was explained to this parent that my orientation
had nothing to do with my coaching ability, the targeting went more
underground. All of a sudden my performance was being questioned, even
though my teams have been successful and no one has ever quit a team I have
coached. In fact, to this day, I am the only coach who has taken both a
soccer and a basketball team to the New England championship tournaments."
(p. 174)
As was the case with Gretchen Coburn, Karen Keough retained her position
because of her outstanding performance record and the support of her
administration. David Bruton, a North Carolina public high school teacher,
found that some members of his community were more extreme in their
reactions to his coming out:
"My classroom windows were shot out and broken with stones and pop bottles
several times, and on one occasion, a dead 'possum was thrown through the
broken window. Bruton's a faggot. Fire Bruton! was spray-painted on
buildings, parking lots, sidewalks, and ten school buses that made their
rounds with the graffiti intact. Several small buildings and a truck were
set afire and burned." (p. 180)
Particularly for those gay teachers working in geographic regions where
anti-gay bigotry is expressed more openly, the fear of such potential
reactions is paralyzing and terrifying.
Another powerful fear reported by OTIT contributors was that of
negative student reaction to the public identification of a teacher as gay.
Massachusetts public high school teacher Robert Parlin wrote of this:
"I imagined students running by my room yelling "faggot" through the open
doorway. I expected to return to one day to my car in the faculty parking
lot to find my tires slashed. Even worse, I feared losing my effectiveness
as a teacher, with my relations with students becoming awkward and
difficult as they avoided looking at me or responding to my questions with
sincerity." (pp. 220-221)
Such fears are once again not without cause. Jacqui Griffin, an Australian
public high school teacher, reported the following experiences after her
coming out:
"Over the next three weeks I recorded twenty-two incidents where the
lesbian issue was raised, ranging from kids wanting to verify that I was
indeed a lesbian, to insults like "I like lemon juice" ["lemon" being an
Australian epithet for lesbians] being whispered as I past, to mere hissing
of the word "lesbo." For the remaining nine months that I taught there,
there was an average of two incidents a day that happened, though I was
blessed with a total of three "lesbian-free" days." (p. 160)
Obviously, teachers choose to enter the profession out of a desire to work
with young people. The endemic fear that coming out will harm that
professional relationship is a major factor in convincing many teachers to
remain closeted.
While remaining closeted can be appealing in a society where anti-gay
discrimination is pervasive, it is not without its costs. Gay teachers
report feelings of extreme isolation resulting from being closeted, which
in turn undermines their sense of self-esteem and belonging within the
school community. The ever-present fear of being "found out" causes
teachers to constantly feel "on guard" and under pressure, lest their
identities be uncovered. Teri Gruenwald, a California public high school
teacher who felt compelled to mask her identity at work due to these fears,
wrote that:
"I am consciously collaborating in my own misnaming. It leaves me feeling
bereft, alone and weak. My identity as a strong prideful lesbian cowers
behind my fear of being found out." (p. 155)
This sense of isolation is echoed in Australian public high school teacher
Jacqui Griffin's account, wherein she describes the impact of being
closeted on her first work experience:
"Being closeted turned out to be far worse than getting harassed had been.
I desperately avoided any conversation not based on school issues, and
succeeded so well that a song in the faculty's year-end "review" mentioned
me as the teacher about whom the least was known. My isolation and
loneliness was extreme and, after two years, I was tired of spending all of
my energy in avoidance and hiding." (p. 157)
As these quotes make clear, being closeted inevitably brings with it a
profound sense of isolation and alienation.
Many OTIT contributors found that this stress caused them to leave
their jobs, even if their sexual identities are never discovered. Kirk
Bell, a Washington independent middle school teacher, wrote of his
experience of being a closeted teacher in a small town:
"I was frustrated that my life was again split in two--a closeted life in
Orting, and visits to gay life in Seattle. My intuition consistently
indicated that it was appropriate to keep the closet door closed most of
the time. My colleagues at the school were nice people but there were only
three with whom I could be at all open and honest about myself...The
teaching staff relished social events-- wedding and baby showers and staff
and family picnics. It was socially expected that I participate in the
rituals and in the purchase of gifts for such occasions. I never felt
comfortable bringing any of my gay friends from the city to such events,
even though many others brought spouses and other friends.
I continued to work in that town for five years for professional
reasons...My sense of strong, personal self-esteem, however, was held in
limbo...I was devastated and angry...The following year I took a job back
in the city."(pp. 114-15)
Bell's experience mirrors my own of working in Rhode Island independent
high school:
"I desperately wanted to be able to say that I was gay ... But I couldn't.
By the end of that year, I could no longer tolerate the tension this
created, so I left the Moses Brown School in Providence, Rhode Island." (p.
24)
Thus, while being closeted seems to offer a short-term solution to the
problems raised by anti-gay discrimination, its presented problems for
contributors who used it as a long-term coping strategy. The toll it takes
in anxiety, diminution of teacher self-esteem, and isolation makes it
difficult for many teachers to manage it for an extended period of time.
Despite validity of the fears expressed about the possible consequences of
coming out, contributors reported that being closeted presented real
problems as well.
NOTHING TO LOSE BUT THEIR CHAINS: THE EFFECTS OF COMING OUT ON GAY AND
LESBIAN TEACHERS' LIVES AT SCHOOL
"Mr. Wilson,
I am sitting here thinking about what you said in your class today.
Mr. Wilson, I have always had respect for you. But after today's class, I
have seen a different side of you. I see the courage, bravery, and valiance
that you deserve.
Today's class made me understand some things I've never had to think
about. Mr. Wilson, you are a great role model for anyone, Black, White,
Gay, or Straight. Your extreme talents to teach should not be based on your
sexual preference.
I just wanted to drop you a line in case you are feeling alone. Don't
ever feel alone. You will always have a friend." (p. 204)
--letter from a student to Rodney Wilson, Missouri public high school
teacher, on the day he came out to his classes
As seen earlier, gay teachers have tremendous fears, many of them
well-justified, about possible negative reactions once their sexual
identities become known. However, many find the stress of living a divided
life intolerable, and choose to come out and weather the consequences. Many
are also motivated to come out because of a sense of obligation to their
students who are themselves gay. Jim Bridgman, a Massachusetts public high
school teacher, wrote that:
"There was another reason I wanted to come out at school. I was a gay
student at Northampton High School twenty years ago, and I remembered how
scared I felt, how isolated and lonely, and how much I hated myself for
what I was. I didn't want those who followed me to go through their teen
years as I did, frightened and confused, with no one to turn to for
support. I wanted the Northampton High School I taught at to be a
different, better school that the one I had attended as a student." (p.
124)
This desire to see conditions improve for gay students is mentioned
repeatedly as a motivating factor for teachers to come out. Driven by these
hopes for greater personal happiness and an improved climate for gay
students, an increasing number of teachers have decided to risk the
discrimination and stereotyping that is pervasive in both our schools and
society at large.
The surprising result of these decisions is that, even for those teachers
who have experienced significant negative backlash, the OTIT contributors
reported that their lives improved, both personally and professionally, as
a result of coming out. While harassment sometimes occurred, the sense of
self which contributors gained by facing this forthrightly, rather than
hiding in the closet, positively affected their self-image. Jacqui Griffin,
the Australian public high school teacher who faced an average two
incidents of verbal harassment daily for a nine-month period, wrote that:
"While I have found being "out" in the last three years difficult at times,
I have noticed my confidence in dealing with harassment has improved
enormously. I am much more comfortable talking about lesbian and gay issues
with students in a matter-of-fact way." (p. 163)
"Ruth Irwin," a Midwestern public high school teacher, reports similar
feelings of empowerment after confronting student harassment:
"The harassment had stopped, and more importantly, I had stood up to it in
a way that preserved my integrity. The class also understood that not only
was I going to enforce my expectations regarding bigoted behavior but that
I had the vice-principal on my side as well." (p. 103)
Some contributors spoke of the important modeling effect for their students
of their decision to stand and fight harassment. Arthur Lipkin, a
Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote about an incident which led
to his refusal to attend school until a colleague's harassment had been
addressed by the school's administration:
"I regretted only the disruption I caused my students... But I knew I had
to take a strong stand. I welcomed public attention, especially in the gay
press. Even without a gay rights law, gay and lesbian teachers didn't have
to accept abuse. My students learned something from that, too." (p. 47)
OTIT contributors who faced harassment as a result of coming out reported
consistently feeling better when able to directly confront it (a difficult
thing to do if closeted), whereas they reported feelings of discouragement
and helplessness after choosing the closet as a way of avoiding such
treatment.
As Massachusetts public high school teacher Arthur Lipkin wrote,
though, "being an openly gay teacher was not all conflict and crisis." Many
contributors reported a positive reception to their coming out that
surprised them. Some reported no negative reactions at all, and others
spoke of unanticipated statements of support. Jan Smith, an Ohio public
elementary school teacher, wrote about the aftermath of her coming out in a
local newspaper story:
"I also got many letters of support. A retired teacher wrote, 'I want to
applaud you...It's not only a testimonial to your courage but to the
quality of your teaching. We look forward to a time when 'coming out' is as
old-fashioned as corsets ...' I got a note from a nun who teaches at
another school: 'I was glad you were willing to be open and up front about
your experience. I'm sure this will mean a lot to a lot of people.'
Another friend sent a letter:
'Thank you for coming out. It has to start somewhere. People must see that
gays and lesbians are not 'them'--they aren't strangers or ogres-- they are
people--just people everywhere in our lives. This is the only way to start
the process of the stereotypes being questioned. Thank you, thank you.' A
neighbor and former teacher wrote, 'I have young adult children aged
twenty-seven and twenty-four, and I wish they had been able to have gay and
lesbian teachers who were comfortable with their sexuality and able to be a
presence to others who might be fearful or questioning.'
People I didn't even know sent the following note:
'My husband and I read the article in the Sunday Enquirer in which you were
featured. I'm sure there are many reasons why this was a difficult and
frightening interview to give. We want you to know that we are Sands
parents who appreciate your honesty and courage.' In fact, most of the mail
I received was positive." (p. 216)
Such spontaneous displays of support came from not only outside the school
community but also often from within it. David Bruton, a North Carolina
public high school teacher who faced vandalism and violence after his
coming out, wrote of his school community's response to this targeting:
"The faculty was shocked and outraged, but stumped about what to do... one
of my colleagues, a well-respected, dignified, and very proper English
teacher suggested that the faculty have an old-fashioned, Sixties style
protest demonstration...her idea was enthusiastically accepted, the date
set, and the entire day planned to have discussions in every class about
the vandalism and its attendant intolerance.
The reaction of 1800 students watching their teachers walk out of class,
form a large circle in the courtyard, hold hands, and stand in symbolic
protest against intolerance was as unexpected as it was astounding.
Students poured out of the buildings and joined the circle, its diameter
expanding as more students joined hands with the faculty, and we soon had
such a large circle that the buildings defining the courtyard prevented it
getting any larger. Students formed another circle within the one they had
just swelled to capacity, and in a short time most of the faculty and a
large number of students stood together in support of tolerance and
understanding.
Throughout the remainder of the day, students, many of whom I didn't know,
came to me expressing sympathy for me and disgust for people who would
harass another because of, as several students said, 'being who you
are.'... several very impressive athletes...seemed [afterwards] to be
hanging around by turns wherever I was, and one, in a burst of passion,
vowed to 'take care' of anybody making my life difficult if I'd just give
the word. Students, parents, and total strangers wrote and telephoned with
messages of support and encouragement...I was totally unprepared for this
outpouring of human compassion, generosity, and love." (pp. 180-81)
Many contributors reported similar, if less dramatic, gestures of support.
Some found that they had projected homophobia onto colleagues and students,
who instead treated in supportive ways. Reggie Sellars, a Massachusetts
independent high school teacher and coach, reported the following incident
with the football team he coaches:
"I was still afraid of all the stereotypes the sport carried toward
homosexuals. I wasn't sure how to deal with being an openly gay coach...I
decided I would first tell the captains that I was gay. When I approached
them to tell them, they said they already knew from students who'd known me
when I had taught at the school the summer before...They said that
initially they didn't know what to expect but, as the season went on, they
had come to understand that I was a football coach who just happened to be
gay and had learned to respect that.
I then always wore a pink triangle, either on my whistle or on my cap,
at practice. One day, the largest player on the team, who epitomized
everything you could be afraid of, approached me, and asked what it stood
for. I held my breath and said that it was a pin that stood for gay rights
and that I wore it because, not only did I think that everyone should be
treated equally, but also because I was gay. He said 'Oh, I thought so. I
have a couple of pink triangles myself. My mother's a lesbian.'" (pp.
251-252)
Such affirmations were the rule, not the exception, in the experience of
OTIT contributors.
Parents, in particular, are a constituency whose reactions to coming out
are deeply feared by gay teachers. Surprisingly, contributors reported that
their fears proved largely groundless, with parents, both gay and straight,
often providing important sources of support. Robert Parlin, a
Massachusetts public high school teacher, wrote that:
"Even the parents of my students did not live up to my fears. When I
arrived to school the day after I came out to my classes to find seven
calls from parents waiting for me, I automatically anticipated trouble. But
the parents were not calling to complain. They were calling to thank me.
One told me that my announcement had sparked one of the best dinner-table
conversations her family had ever had. Another told me that he felt that my
coming out talk had been the single biggest learning experience in his
son's life. Each parent wanted me to know that the appreciated how much
courage it took to come out, and that they fully supported me. Since that
day I have certainly heard murmurings of discontent from some people in the
city, but I have continued to receive expressions of support from students,
parents, former students, and alums who are grateful that finally the
school is beginning to fight the homophobia that made their adolescent
years so miserable." (p. 223)
Gay parents were also been vocal in their support of contributors. Numerous
teachers reported building new links to this population, which had been
previously hesitant to participate in school life because of the homophobia
they saw as implicit in the school's silence on gay and lesbian issues.
Patty Smith, a Massachusetts independent middle school teacher, reported
this reaction to her coming out:
"A mother of one of my seventh graders waves from across the field.
'I've been wanting to talk with you,' she says. 'My daughter jumped in
the car the other day. ' Guess what? 'she said, excited. 'I think Ms. Smith
is a lesbian!' I'm a lesbian, too, and my daughter was so relieved that
someone else she knew and liked besides me and my friends is a lesbian. She
knows the other kids like you, so maybe they won't be horrified if they
find out about me. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that this is one
family that is happy you are here.'" (p. 199)
Todd Morman, a North Carolina independent high school teacher, spoke of a
similar incident:
"One day, after class, a student asked if he could speak with me for a
second and then surprised me with some news. "I just wanted to tell you
that I appreciate you being out and all. I'm not gay, but my mother's a
lesbian, and only one of my friends knows, 'cause they'd give me shit for
it." We talked for a while but, when he left, I just stood there, amazed
that I hadn't even considered the likelihood that some of our straight
students would have homosexual parents. The next day, I asked a long-time
staff member if she knew of any gay or lesbian parents in the school and
watched as she silently counted off four students which she already knew
had gay parents. I later found out there were more. Denying the reality of
homosexuality, I realized, clearly hurts more than the ten percent or so of
the student body who are lesbian or gay; it also causes children, cousins,
nieces and grandchildren to suffer for their gay relatives." (p. 242)
Contributors reported that both teachers and parents benefitted from this
relationship: teachers, from realizing a new source of support and
affirmation they had previously not recognized; and parents, who felt that
they and their families were being affirmed by the school in a new and
important way.
Other contributors reported that constituencies whom they had previously
seen as problems, such as adminisitrators , turned out to be supportive.
Patty Smith, a Massachusetts independent middle school teacher, reports her
relationship with her Head of School becoming significantly stronger as a
result of her coming out:
"My Head of School says: I want my own children to grow up without the
fears I have. The kids at Pike would profit from the realization that the
teacher who inspired them to enjoy French, who was funny, and caring, and
fair, was also gay. They should know that...
[L]ater, the Headmaster says to me: 'At the Board meeting last night, one
of the trustees asked me if I would hire a gay teacher. '
'What did you say?' I ask.
'I told him all things being equal, sure. Then I said: you mean would I
ever hire another gay teacher?'" (p. 198)
Gretchen Coburn, a New Hampshire public elementary school teacher,
explained the end result of a period which had begun with her ostracization
by colleagues and friends in the small town where she lived and worked:
"I have become a more able, influential part of my school based on what I
have become rather than who I was. My peers have told me I am now a person
of courage, not afraid to face adversity. Of those friends and faculty
worried and hurt with my silence and distance, all but a very few are
closer to me. By sharing in my daily life and in my life with my partner
and our family, they have had to grow within themselves. They have been
forced to make a choice.
They have either had to choose openness and understanding or accept their
responsibility for the loss of a solid friendship, knowing full well that
their ignorance and arrogance would be the cause." (p. 227)
The most significant relationship teachers have is with students, and it is
here that the most dramatic expressions of support and better working
relationships were reported. A most gratifying reward for many was being
able to be a support for gay and lesbian students. Leslie Bartek, a
California public high school teacher, wrote that:
"In recent years, several high school students have come out to me. I have
gained tremendous personal satisfaction from knowing that they trust me
enough to confide in me... They know I will listen and offer them
encouragement, as I would for all students. But the key factor, I believe,
is that they sense that I, like them, am not straight. In years past I
would have been fearful of this recognition, but today that fear is
gone...Last year, for example, I was able to provide a supportive ear for a
self-identified lesbian who eventually became the first student to attend
our senior prom with a date of the same sex. I listened to her plan,
offered a little advice, and later received thanks from both the student
and her mother for "being there." Happily, she reported that the dance
chaperons and almost all of the students were as gracious and welcoming to
the female pair as they were to the other couples at the event." (p. 170)
John Heineman, a Nebraska public high school teacher, spoke of the reaction
of students to his coming out and founding "G.L.O.B.E.," a support group
for students dealing with sexual identity concerns:
"What was clear from their reactions was the lifting of limitations to
their personal possibilities. They could see their hopes and dreams lived
out in other gays and lesbians, something often missing from their lives in
Nebraska." (p. 211)
The ability to make conditions better for gay students was consistently
reported as one of the most positive side-effects of coming out for
contributors.
Relationships with the general student population seemed to improve as well
for contributors after coming out. Many saw it as a key factor in making
them more effective classroom teachers. Robert Parlin, a Massachusetts
public high school teacher, wrote that:
"The reverse of my fears occurred. I actually became closer to my classes
as a result. From that day onward, the level of thoughtful participation in
class discussions was noticeably deeper. Students began to take risks and
share personal concerns that had a remarkable impact on their classmates
and their own lives." (p. 223)
Similarly, Todd Morman, a North Carolina independent high school teacher,
reported that his accessibility to students was heightened as a result of
coming out:
"I'm convinced that I'm a better teacher precisely because I'm gay. Growing
up with a profound sense of being different...helped refine in me the
skills I used on a daily basis to communicate with students...I was
particularly tuned in to the need[s] [of]...young people..." (p. 243)
The richness of human connection built through this sharing, as well as the
sensitivity to student needs that grew out of their own experience of
oppression, were cited as key factors by OTIT contributors in helping them
feel more connected and effective in their classrooms than in the days when
they were closeted.
Other contributors reported that their ability to teach
discipline-specific content was also improved by coming out. In a variety
of subject areas, the openness of teachers made them more capable of
conveying important messages in class. Raymond Saint Pierre, a New York
public high school teacher, spoke of how addressing gay and lesbian issues
allowed him to teach English as a Second Language better:
"Another student's comment about Roseanne Barr's kissing Mariel Hemingway
as a lesbian on her TV show led my class into a discussion of values. Was
it better to see two women kissing, or watch countless murders on some
movie or TV show? The import of that student's judgment and the class's
reactions have since led us into topics such as sexual harassment (both
male and female), homophobia, racism, and others. As a language teacher,
these of course become compositions, journal entries, debates, and stories
-- all impeccable means by which to learn English. By writing about
something which matters to them, my students acquire the skills that I am
charged with imparting to them, and learn other important lessons on the
way." (p. 165-66)
Eric Temple, a California independent high school teacher, found his
English classes similarly improved by the introduction of material which
spoke to him as a gay man:
"Teaching The Normal Heart was a turning point in my career and in my
personal journey to understand...I came out to this group of students, and
this year, as seniors, I am teaching them Tony Kushner's ANGELS IN AMERICA.
They enjoyed MILLENIUM APPROACHES (PART ONE) so much they demanded I order
and teach PEROSTROIKA (PART TWO). I am continuously amazed at their level
of understanding. They have certainly gone beyond my ability as a junior at
Woodlands High School to actually see and hear the "Other." For some, they
are no longer just accepting the other but instead are nurturing
differences. They have embarked on their own journey to understand
themselves, through understanding others." (p. 236)
Finally, Todd Morman, a North Carolina independent high school teacher,
reflected on how being out improved his ability to teach about the
controversy over biological research seeking to discover the "cause" of
sexual orientation:
"I can only imagine what dealing with the subject would have been like if
I'd been closeted. Fear of saying the wrong thing and giving myself away
might have led me to avoid the topic entirely, and a rich, teachable moment
would have slipped through my fingers. In this case, it was clear that
being out made me a much more effective teacher than I could ever have been
while in the closet." (p. 241)
The ability of these educators to teach their disciplines more effectively
was another somewhat unexpected result of the coming out process.
OTIT contributors reported multiple benefits from coming out. For them, an
increased sense of self-esteem, a new-found sense of connection with
parents, colleagues, and students, and greater feelings of classroom
efficacy combined to outweigh negative effects that were sometimes
manifested as harassment and discrimination. Contributors found that,
whatever the difficulties encountered, the rewards exceeded the costs of
coming out. Both as professionals and individuals, OTIT contributors
reported that, in general, their lives improved by leaving the closet
behind.
CONCLUSION
"It's certainly not been easy for me but, if you step out into the sunlight
where there's love and hope, you will discover, as I have, that there are
kind and loving people of all ages and orientations ready to support you
when you need them. It's within our reach and the emperors we fear, in
reality, have no clothes." (p. 146)
--Tony Prince, Kentucky public high school teacher
For gay teachers, the incentives to be closeted remain strong. Fears of job
loss, adverse community reaction, and harassment cause many to choose to
hide their identities even though being "closeted" takes a tremendous toll
on teacher self-esteem and sense of belonging. Many feel as if they face a
"choiceless choice" between being open about their sexual identities and
having to leave a profession they love. The stress involved in this
untenable position drives some to leave teaching altogether, or to make
accommodations that inevitably erode their feelings of efficacy.
The experiences of OTIT contributors, however, indicate that a new pathway
may be opening up for gay teachers. As more and more teachers successfully
come out in their workplaces, a greater range of possibilities for dealing
with gay identity honestly in the school setting is being created. OTIT
contributors reported discovering previously-unrealized sources of support
and, in some cases, are finding that anticipated negative responses failed
to materialize. Further, they found new, rich connections developing with
students, both gay and straight, as well as with parents and other members
of the school community. Finally, some found their teaching enriched by
being able to share their own identities with students and thereby address
curricular concerns which they would previously have avoided for fear of
potential "outing."
It is important to note, however, that coming out remains a step freighted
with risk in a still-homophobic society. For example, the paucity of
contributors to OTIT from regions such as the South (where only two of the
thirty-six authors teach) indicates that what might be possible in some
communities remains not viable in others. Anti-gay discrimination and
harassment are still commonplace in American society: gay people are
"probably the most frequent victims of hate crimes," and ninety-seven
percent of high school students in one study report that homophobic
language is common in their school. (U.S. Department of Justice, 1987;
Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth, 1993) One
cannot assume that, because the experiences of OTIT contributors were
generally positive, that such a reception will automatically be accorded to
all teachers who choose to come out.
However, a common themes runs through the experiences of OTIT contributors:
coming out made them feel better about themselves, their work, and their
place in the community. In an era when teaching is in crisis, the loss
and/or diminution of effectiveness in professionals because of pressures to
remain "closeted" simply can no longer be justified. As the experiences
cited in OTIT make clear, teachers can benefit significantly, both
professionally and personally, from leaving behind a place of fear (the
closet), and moving into the open as fully integrated individuals. The
implications for schools are clear. It will only lessen our profession
should we fail to heed the call of OTIT contributors to make schools safe
places for all faculty members (not just heterosexual ones) to "come out"
about their sexual identities, and thus feel as if they truly belong at
school.
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***** ***** *****
This document is part of THE GLSTN TOOLBOX, an online resource of
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