**fuck It!!!**

I wanna so badly and i mean BADLY. I feel sick because im so close. I haven't fucking done it in over a month. I hate my arms, i fucking hate it. everytime i walk around in just a t-shirt i have to press my arm against my stomach or chest to hide it from everyone. My chest bloody hurts so bad right now. My throat hurts. I just wanna do it so badly, deep. Get it over and done with. Everytime i think i've sorted shit out another things bring it all up again.

I NEED TO SORT MY HEAD OUT!!! I NEED TO STOP THE FEELINGS!! I JUST NEED TO FUCKING STOP!!! AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS ONE WAY OUT. IT WAS ALL MEANT TO GET BETTER. I WAS MEANT TO FEEL BETTER AFTER LAST WEEK. BUT FUCK NO!! STILL END UP LIKE THIS! STILL END UP WITH A FUCKING KNIFE LAYING NEXT TO ME, READY TO JUST CUT MY ARM TO SHREDS AND TO BE HONEST I DONT EVEN GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE!!

Hey Vikki
you can do it!! its been over 1 month, WELL DONE! dont give up now.
you say you hate your arms, but that in tome can probally be fixed and making new ones is only going to make you have more scars and you will have to hide your arms more then now.
You can do it!!
take care hun

You can keep yourself from doing this vikki. You have made it this far and can go so much farther. Don't give in to these feelings. If something should happen and you can't, please do not view it as a failure, merely a setback that you can overcome. You have people here rooting for you hun, no matter what. Stay safe and take care. :hug:

Thanks guys, i managed to be calmed down by someone from here. Thank you Terry and all the other people who tried talking to me, sorry i wasn't in the mood to talk back. Something really got to me last night and it just blew up. But made it to another day unharmed. So thanks to you all.

Yeah guess i am proud. But then again today is another day. I got the feeling its gonna go the same way as all the other nights. But the distraction method seems to be working so guess i'll just stick with that :smile: