Make a Donation to my local Special Education PTA, SEPTAR!

Thoreau

I went to the woods becauseI wished to live deliberately,to front only the essentialfacts of life, and see ifI could not learn whatit had to teach, and not,when I came to die,discover that I had not lived.I did not wish to livewhat was not life,living is so dear;nor did I wishto practise resignation,unless it was quite necessary.I wanted to live deepand suck out all the marrow of life,to live so sturdily and Spartan- likeas to put to rout all that was not life,to cut a broad swath and shave close,to drive life into a corner,and reduce it to its lowest terms,and, if it proved to be mean,why then to get the whole andgenuine meanness of it,and publish its meannessto the world;or if it were sublime,to know it by experience,and be able to givea true account of itin my next excursion.

24 August, 2005

Call the pharmacy to see if the rest of Jake's medication is available. They will "call me right back".**

Call Health Plan of San Mateo (Medi-Cal) and finds out why Jake was denied benefits at the pharmacy (Co-Pay mind you... They don't even need to pay the whole thing anymore because we were so tired of all of the B.S.)

Get hung up on after 48 minutes.

Call back.

Get transferred to a generic voicemail box after 43 minutes.

Call an unrelated department at the same agency.

Get transferred to another department (maybe the right one?).

Talk with a person who speaks English...apparently there was a computer glitch on their side "It shouldn't have affected anyone externally. Hmm maybe that's why we are so busy today".

Discover that all will be set right within 24-48 hours after the nice lady puts a work order in to "change the screen that everyone outside of San Mateo Health Plan looks at".

Learn that I should "just pay full price at the pharmacy" and I can "get it reimbursed later".

Remind myself of how lucky I am that my child's medication is more often than not, less than $50.00 a month, and I can afford to pay that out of pocket.

Remind myself of how lucky I am that I speak English, am resourceful and have the time to navigate the system effectively.

Remind myself that I may not send hate mail to Official Public Agencies.

Make Jake lunch

Complete the asinine form for respite hour reimbursement. The one that is now being mailed to my house in an 8 1/2" by 11" envelope(vs. plain old #10) at an additional cost to taxpayers each month to thousands of people.

Decide not to place a note in the envelope telling Golden Gate Regional Center that they are wasting money that could be used to provide more people with respite, or a reimbursement rate closer to a wage we actually pay anyone who cares for our child.

Call San Mateo County Special Education Transportation

Learn indeed, that Jake's school day is one hour shorter and starts at a different time. 8:30-12:20

Call San Mateo County Office of Special Education to ask why the paper I was sent (4 days ago) has 8:20-1:10 as his school hours.

Get asked "Well, does he have a long day or a short day?".

Answer, as nicely as I can, "Well, I'm not sure. We've never been to kindergarten before".

Get told "Transportation sets the bell times".

My question: "Am I to understand that the transportation department determines how many of hours a day my child is educated?"

Flustered response from difficult-to-understand-and-now-wishing-he-had-never- answered-the-phone-on-his-lunch-break-man "I think he gets out at 12:20. The teacher probably knows and will let parents know on the first day of school."

Politely inform the important person at the Office of Special Education that perhaps this short notice (school starts Tuesday) might be difficult for parents who are trying to provide childcare for their children... and that perhaps those parents who don't know about the change in schedule might be up to an hour late picking up their children from school.***

Remind myself that I may not drink alcoholic beverages in the middle of the day, jump off the balcony or watch soap operas for the rest of the afternoon.

Go back to putting audio books on my new-to-me-refurbished ipod.

** It is now 2:17 pm and they have not yet returned my call.***Very important to share because I have a "save the world" mentality.

05 August, 2005

I am in love with FX. I went from not even knowing that this station really existed to having trouble keeping up with all of the series I want to record. We don't really watch anything at its regularly scheduled time anymore (except the Daily Show with John Stewart).

And possible the best Mini Series I have ever seen.. we just finished watching Into the West. I think that this series, and Band of Brothers should be required viewing.

02 August, 2005

Jake fell down the stairs tonight. He's okay. I heard him go down as I was standing in the kitchen speaking with my husband who is still at the office. Jake was still wearing his tennis shoes. This probably made him fall (because his rubber shoes stuck to the carpet when he dragged his left foot) and wearing shoes probably made it so he didn't break his neck as he fell (since his rubber shoes kept stopping him and slowing him down as he rolled).

How did it happen? Well, Jake was ready for bed and I wasn't listening...so he went down on his own. I had just opened the gate to the stairs to actually walk him down myself..but then the phone rang, and we sold the Mercedes (finally) so I was trying to coordinate logistics with the husband and stumble bumble down he goes. I flew to the top of the stairs dropping the phone and managed to see him roll down the last three stairs.

I got to the bottom landing just as he did (I think I really did fly). He jumped up. I sat on the bottom step and held out my arms. He leaned into them and put his head on my shoulder...for a brief second. I asked him if he was okay. He said "hmm-da" (which means? Anyone? Anyone?). Then he looked me in the eye and yelled at me. I apologized for not helping him downstairs.*

After getting him into pajamas, he was crying...with tears (this rarely happens..he must be very, very sad or tired or hurt to cry with tears).I pulled him up onto me in the rocking glider thingy. He is really too big now. Much too big, but somehow we managed to snuggle up and I just started to sing.

He nestled into me closer, put his head up to look at me, then dropped his head and sighed..and went to sleep. The song that popped out of my head was one of my favorite camp songs.

I went to Camp Nawakwa in the San Bernadino Mountains every summer from the summer after first grade until the summer after eighth grade... or maybe the next summer. I was a counselor in leadership training when I ended, staying five or six weeks I think. I remember I went with Stephanie Jaeger that last year. Anyway. I haven't sung this song in over 15 years, and all of a sudden it was the only song in my head. I wonder why? Was it because I needed comfort too and this song is from a time when I was safe, and unburdened? From a time when I still didn't know what I didn't know? Was it because I can't believe I now have this much responsibility...that I am old enough to have a nearly five year old kid fall down the stairs...in a house that we own? and be really shaken by it. I'm not sure. It felt good to hear that song again. I remembered most of the verses too.

On The Loose

Have you ever watched the sunrise turn the sky completely red?Have you slept beneath the moon and stars, a pine bough for your bed?Do you sit and talk with friends though a word is never said?Then you're just like me and you've been on the loose

chorus (sung after each verse):On the loose to climb a mountain, on the loose where I am freeOn the loose to live my life the way I think my life should beFor I've only got a moment and this whole world yet to seeI'll be looking for tomorrow on the loose

There's a trail that I'll be hiking just to see where it might goMany places yet to visit, many people yet to knowAnd in following my dreams, I will live and I will growOn a trail that's waiting out there on the loose

Have you ever heard a whippoorwill singing to the morning dew?When you hear the bells ringing, do you know they ring for you?And when you look back on the past, all I really askIs to remember me when you're out on the loose

So in search of love and laughter I'll be traveling 'cross this landNever sure of where I'm going for I haven't any planAnd in time when you are ready, come and join me, take my handAnd together we'll share life out on the loose

As I sit and watch the sunset and the daylight slowly fadesI am thinking of tomorrow and the friendships we have madeI will value them for always and I hope you'll do the sameAnd forever we'll explore life on the loose

*as a side note I think that was a very typical response for anyone in our family. I fell (screwed up, made a mess of things etc.) and it is your fault for not supporting me. Can anyone take personal responsibility these days?

If you need to be reminded of all that you have try this website. in the WHY ARE WE DOING IT? Section of their website it reads:

We are obsessed with wealth. But we gauge how rich we are by looking upwards at those who have more than us. This makes us feel poor.

We wanted to do something which would help people understand, in real terms, where they stand globally. And make us realize that in fact most of us (who are able to view this web page) are in the privileged minority.

We want people to feel rich. And give some of their extra money to a worthwhile charity.

I do try to remember that there are more than 5,995,297,235 people who are poorer than I am. But I also live in an area where bread is $3.50 a pound and milk is $5.00 a gallon. Of course then I need to remember to be thankful because there is a store where I can buy the bread and milk. I wish sometimes that I could really go all the way with the "poor me" thing...but apparently I was raised in a way that has instilled in me the idea that, if I actually wake up in the morning and can get my own two feet on the floor with a roof over my head, I should feel lucky. If I can add the fact that I also have clothing, food and my wonderful family, then I should really just ah-hem, shut it. Because my life is great. And it is. My lifeis great. It's just that on some days it is so much harder than I thought it would be. But today? Today is good, and I am very rich. My kid is cute and wrestling with the dog, my husband is off enjoying his new job, and I might even get some writing done today. I have CNN and a fast internet connection, warm coffee (with milk and sugar, no less) and some sourdough toast if I ever get to the kitchen to toast it.