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sobota, 27 sierpnia 2011

And again...

Yeap again this day.. Not sure If I'm happy or not.

This is my band from hospital - "C" means córka/daughter. Now fits on my two fingers :)

I don't remember my bdays. I'm envy of these who remember. How this is possible? Well I remember some of them. Like my 7th, 18th. And some which I remember what happend, but don't remember when it was. Oh and one when I was drunk first time and last time drunk like this, but this one wasn't happy Bday. I don't have any alcohol now at home, so probably not drinking today.

I don't look at my age. Couple years ago somebody asked me if I'm still in highschool. Yes, I was in highschool...working there. In my work was really cold in winter, and for couple of weeks I was in some kind of hibernation, so this probably stopped ageing process. I consider that I'm looking older now, but this is probably matter of the clothes, teenagers have different style today. But honestly this kind of look isn't a blessing. This is real curse. And really better to look on your age than not. Sometimes I have to show my ID, because people don't believe me. You can't just meet someone in your age, because when You are going somewhere, they are thinking that You are much younger and are not interesting of talking with You.

And... sometimes when I'm looking at me in mirror, I'm asking myself: "Is this really me?". I'm not feeling these all years. I don't know who said this, maybe Jung, that some people are born old, but some like they are not born yet. I'm feeling like this, like my body is here, but mind and soul are somewhere, in different place, in past. Like I'm not belong here. I'm just living, but not exactly feeling this time. I'm making decisions and I try to make all set, but ... yes but... I'm not sure why I'm doing these all things. Maybe this because I was born after term. Like I wasn't sure If I wish to be born. I was in breech positioning, not even head down. Which is very rare. My term was at 20/21/22 August..Yes I know... ;D

But I'm feeling that everyone of us has their own work to do on this world and in this time. Maybe this is some serious task, or maybe we are to help others be better, and others are making us better. Or just to be to understand what happend here, to not making mistakes in next life.

Some are saying that in time of death they can see all their life. Wonder what I will see? Maybe real life begin not when we are born, but when we are in some age. When we are really ready to life.

Pictures

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