I Hope This is Developmental

When my hubby called to ask how my day was going, I responded, “The two-and-a-half year old is in rare form.”

“That’s the third time you’ve said that this week,” he responded.

I think rare form may be the new normal.

And I am scared.

My son said the other day, “Mom, you’ve had two 2 year olds before, you know what to do. Right?”

Good question.

But my 7 and 9 year old traveled thru the 2’s unscathed. They were typical, but they didn’t get into things like their little sister.

And by things I mean, just last week, I’ve caught her painting her own toes, busting an ink pen in her mouth, stuffing gobs of toilet paper down the potty, spreading sunscreen on the floor and playing in paint.

Believe it or not, I do watch her. But the girl is quick and quiet, which turns out to be a messy combination.

She’s also chosen “NOOO!! My do it!” screamed at the top of her lungs, as her new favorite phrase.

That wouldn’t be my first choice.

There also might be some hitting and kicking going on.

So. basically, what I’m trying to tell you is the 2’s are kicking my butt.

I’m doing my best teaching her character, trying to be consistent with discipline and showing her who’s the boss.

Comments

You're not alone! My 2yr old's fave saying right now is "No waaaaay!" whenever she doesn't like what she's hearing. Your girl may get into mischief, but she also sounds like she's creative and independent and those are great qualities in a little lady (even though said qualities drive Moms a bit crazy sometimes…)

Yes, it's developmental. She's testing boundaries. She's also learning how things work. Consistency is the key, and related consequences will help a lot. By that I mean that if she makes a mess, she either has to clean it up (with your help, probably), or sit in time-out and watch you clean it up. That kind of thing.

Also, pay attention to what kinds of things she's getting into. You might be able to curb the behavior by showing her things she IS allowed to do. Like, if she is making a mess with paint, give her an area where she can paint all she wants on big sheets of paper. And look at what else is going on when she gets into these things. Does it happen more on days when you don't play outside as much? (That's a big trigger at our house.) Does it happen more right before naptime, or while she's waiting for a meal? There might not be a pattern, but if there is, that can help you get ahead of her before she gets into something.

Hang in there. She'll outgrow it. In the meantime, it might help to think that all this means she's going to be incredibly creative and independent when she grows up.

No real advice just a big ((((HUG))). One book I found especially useful during this stage with my daughter who we termed "Denise the Menace" was "Making the Terrible Twos Terrific" by Dr. John Rosemond.

Don't get discouraged! I remember praying that my daughter would have strong character and be sure of herself … that stage (and yes I assure you it is one!) was a part of learning to manage those very good attributes!

And, when all else fails … just join the craziness and scream out "My way!" It will at least cause her to stop and look at you for a minute like you are crazy.

When my little girl was 2 I had the hardest time! I had another one 16 months younger and my husband was deployed to Ieaq. During the course of a couple of weeks, she painted a wall and her sister, drew on herself with a sharpie, opened a child proof lid of glaze for the wall and washed the carpet with it, washed her hair with sunscreen, fingerpainted with ranch dressing, and I know I have forgotten some things. I too watched her but she found the moments I was cooking or using the bathroom to be as destructive as possible! She is 6 now and not nearly as in to everything! Just wait it out!

This sounds like my house…2 boys – 7 and 9, and a daughter – 3 years old instead of 2. She is way more "into things" than her brothers ever were. I think 3 is way worse than 2. She is more stubborn, more mouthy, and more independent.

Sorry…I guess I have no words of advice…I'm still trying to figure it out for myself! Hang in there!

Oh yes – the adventures in mothering. BOTH of my girls have been like this – at different times. And now one will egg on the other… Quiet and fast – and my mommy radar has been slower of late. Praying for you – with you. =) My philosophy: Keep the cleaners & sharp things locked up and most of the rest just needs to be cleaned up… Or plunged. Or thrown away…

I take such a different approach to the two's than anyone else I know. I guess for those that know me, that's no big deal. I love the two's! Yes, they make messes, they start talking back, but they are learning. I'll tell you right now that I am not a spanker, but that does not mean that we do not discipline. I want to make that very clear. Our children are really awesome, but they are children. Our approach to parenting is one of attachment parenting and Grace.

I think as far as your two year old goes what you have is a very tactile child; she must do and touch and experience to learn. That does make for some very rough times during the two's. It will get better. I promise. We are on our 6th two year old. Our second child was my hardest and the one I shared many tears over, but he's a really awesome young man. He's on his way to being an Eagle Scout and is really awesome with his hands and doing/making/creating things.

I think your little one is trying her darnedest to find out how things work, what happens when she does this or that. She needs to touch and feel and learn by doing. It is these children that are the hardest on us moms because that means as moms we need to spend more time helping them develop that learning style in the right environment – with us, most of the time? In other words a lot of time needs to be spent with her. Don't misinterpret that: I am NOT saying you do NOT spend enough time with her; I am merely suggesting that the time you spend with her may need to be altered (just give it a try) – playdough, finger paint, sand box, add rice or sand to the finger paints and playdough, go to a fabric store and get some different scraps of fabric (sating, flannel, corduroy, fleece, etc.), get diff sand paper types and such other tactile things and make (with her) alphabet cutouts, and play with those. I could go one and one with various things, but this is long enough for a comment.

I've done all of the above listed suggestions and all I can say is consistency is the key! Easy for me to say I know. But we have one left to go through that stage and already at 16 months she's starting to assurt her will strongly. I'm afraid…very afraid. So I don't give advice from one mom to another…I give it as one who needs to hear it too. So consistency…that and take lots of pictures. That's my motto.

I tell everyone that had my youngest child been the first child that he would have been an ONLY child. I found him on top of the refrigerator one day and when I got him down he was screaming "No, me Spiderman!". Yeah, the 2's kicked my butt too!

But my girls all did things like that (my oldest one, in particular, had fun in the weeks before her younger sister was born–ink pads, light bulbs, glue, vaselineeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:-(All in a week. Lord, have mercy…).

GL. Hold on tight. And I hope you're not prone to seasickness, cause I think the circles she's spinning you in, might end up causing some serious motion sickness….

No advice. It's just so funny.You want her to be head strong.When my daughter was little the doctor said we should be able to reason with her when she was 3.I think that he meant 30 so I have two more years to go. Good luck!

My third is also 2 and he's giving me a run for my money. I can put my finger on what exactly is different about him, but he's more active, more curious, more stubborn, etc… But he's also the most cuddly :). Wish I had some advice, but I'm there with you. My 2-year-old also prefers nakedness to wearing clothing in almost every situation. That alone is turning all of my hair gray.

My youngest son is almost 2 and he's already into everything! He is pulling stuff out, like the toilet paper, or things from the pantry. He tries to eat lotion, and is naked most of the time. It's amazing how brothers can be so different. His brother was so much easier at this stage. But, eventually, it will pass, and hopefully we will survive!

oh man! she sounds JUST like my 2 year old!!!!! when i say just, i really mean it! mine loves to repeat everything, but with my name in it. she knows plugs are no-nos, but shes testing me- this morning she woke up before me and i awoke to her plugging in and unplugging my cell phone charger next to my bed. i said, 'no, don't touch!' and took it away from her, and she yelled, 'no mommy, don't touch it mommy!!!' she doesn't get that she has different rules from us!!! ahhh!!! i hope it gets better… give her baby wipes and show her how to clean stuff, and encourage her to wash her hands with squirty soap… that gives mine a release for 'messy' stuff sometimes! i don't care if she washes her hands 10 times and stands at the sink and uses up half the soap bottle sometimes if it means i can get the dishes done!!!! lol.

i have one like that… i feel like she is just extremely creative – she thinks of ways to get into things that the other kids don't. she is getting better now, finally, at 3 1/2 but it was really starting to scare me there for awhile.

I have no advice, but I'm SO with you. My four-year-old and 1-1/2 year old are constantly into something: no matter how vigilant I think I'm being, they manage to sneak under my radar. I feel your pain!

She sounds just like my 2 1/2 year old, who is currently singing a song about a "deep, deep hole" while using the couch as a piece of gymnastic equipment. I've caught her climbing the bookcases, sitting on top of the kitchen counter, and painting the wall with my nail polish. (This was all last week.) This is one reason she is currently my only child; I have to get her to a point where I can leave her alone for more than 30 seconds without an ER visit. She's also refusing to answer to anything except "Little Doggie" for some reason.

I have 4 children, 17, 14, 7 and just turned 3. The first three were pretty typically 2/3 year olds…but our 3 year old sounds just like your youngest. I have my ECE and I'm STILL flabbergasted at what she manages to get into!

She recently gave herself a mullet.

Nice.

The one thing I take comfort in is that all her mischief isn't trying to be 'naughty' but is being 'inquisitive'. She's the child who will take 30 minutes to walk one block because she's finding rocks and ants and leaves and birds and a ton of other stuff that I wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't pointed them out. She stops to smell the roses, so to speak. I love that about her!

And as my Husband says, "At least she gives you lots of blogging material."

feeling your pain and I hate to tell you, but with our youngest, 3 was really worse than 2. I think they are all different and I do know that those children who don't "comply" with everything have something special to offer! Perhaps, she will be a great artist or inventor! Hang in there!

I read somewhere that kids that get into stuff like that are really smart (not that your other kids aren't really smart because it sounds like your son and my son could go into business together and be millionaires by the time they were 10). My oldest did the "No! I do." Drove me crazy. But, he was easily distracted and it was all about redirection. It'll pass. . . eventually.

I have a 20-year old son and a 17-year old son. When the oldest was a baby/toddler/young boy, he gave me no problems. He would wake with a smile on his sweet, little, serene face, and for a while would call from his bed and ask, yes I said ask, if he could get up now.

When the younger one was a toddler/young boy, he would rip paper, cups, labels, draw on furniture and cut up anything he could. I could not let that boy out of my sight.

The funny thing is, they have somehow reversed their roles. Not that the other rips and draws, but he's the one who can find trouble to get into and the younger, while he still has a penchant for ripping things every now and then, is the one who is more docile. Go figure.

So I say, hang in there. She may end up being most responsible one of the bunch.

I've got nothing for ya except to say you are not alone! I've got a 3.5 yr old (who said 2's were worse?) whose favorite things to say are "You don't tell me what to do" and "You're not my boss" and a 2 yr old who likes to say "Hush mama" and "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" all the time. How I'll survive these 2 and talk hubby into #3 is beyond me at this point!

Sorry…I can't help you. I have one of these little monsters…er, I mean CUTIES of my own! I swear that her ornery-ness is affected by the full moon! She usually has a 3 0r 4 day streak where I just can't keep up with all of her antics. Then she settles down (a little, not completely). Just when I think she is growing out of this phase, the moon is full again and my 2 yr old wherewolf/toddler rares her head again! Once, she not only tried painting her toes with nail polish, she also thought that bright pink color would look great on her feet, hands, face, mouth & yes, even her two front teeth! She is quiet and sneaky, too. It usually takes me a minute to realize that she's TOO quiet, and by then it's too late! Let me know if you figure her out…I could use some advice, too!

Oh yeah…and her favorite thing to say is "Mommy…I have a surprise for you!" while hiding something behind her back. Those are scary words coming from a 2-yr. old!!!!

Bless your heart! I have been there. With 4 children (the youngest 3 years old), they all are different. They have all done something different that really made me question. All you can do is pray! I can do that for you too! Praying for patience and peace for Mom and some self control for Mom's two year old!

so hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I'm just thanking God it's not only my 2 yo acting that way! This whole "messy" phase we're going through (fingernail paint, yogurt painting, spilling mild, etc.) is making me feel mediocre on my good days (and worse than that on the bad days!). . .it will get better. . .it will get better. . .it will get better. . .

I think each kid goes through a terrible phase. My oldest's was three. She was awful, but she was sweet as pie when she was two. The middle one hasn't been very terrible yet, so I'm thinking it might be three for her too.

My first was like that. She was THE easiest baby known to mankind. Slept all the time, was happy wherever she was. She NEVER cried. Then came the toddler years. She was a hellion. It began at around 16 months, right when #2 was born. I don't think that had a thing to do with it… that's just when her mobility caught up with her curiosity. She would nap happily, wake up dirty, and then strip… and get creative. I'll leave it at that. She was a tornado anywhere she went. And #3 came before she turned 3. It was an insane time. But 3 was the magic age for her. She became the best behaved little girl at that point and has remained it ever since (she's now 10). So there is hope

awwww!!! well, I "hear" it is just a stage!! we haven't hit that part yet, but i learned with my nephew he didn't have the terrible 2's he had the terrible 3's!!! so, i'm going to wait to see how we fair over the next year! LOL

Sounds like I'm not alone with my 2 1/2 yr old daughter! She has twins everywhere. So no advice from me just total empathy. Princess2 is so much more curious, adventurous and DANGEROUS than Princess1 (now 6). But I see so much talent – she's already an engineer, a gymnast and dancer. I just pray every day that she doesn't kill herself with these adventures of hers.

I would try to give her as many opportunities to play in messy things as you possibly can. Two of my three LOVED to get into everything. Here are some of the things I used to do:*spread shaving cream on the table and let them play in that*play-doh, play-doh, play-doh*run a sink of soapy water to wash dolls in*foam paint *bathtub paint and bath crayons*finger paint*bubble paint outside*salt dough clay*play in a dishpan of rice or beans

Providing tons and tons of opportunities to be messy when it is OK should help curb the getting into messy things that you don't want her to.

Her explorations are a wonderful sign that she will be incredibly creative!Samantha

WOW..I just had this same conversation with my niece last week!I have four children…two were typical as you described of your older children…and two were as you describe your youngest.What you have is "the strong willed child" it is exhausting…but it is also a good thing. I bet you will find as she gets older that she is has above average intelligence and is independent. It will get easier as she gets older…but you will have to find new, interesting and different things for her to do….otherwise she will explore on her own and get into things you do not want her to get into. You will also have to pick your battles.Here are a few sites about the strong willed child. There are also quite a few books out there that might help as well. Hang in there.

I she your 3rd? If so, then that's the answer. The 3rd one always kills you. I didn't believe it till I had mine. But they do grow out of it and make great companions when the others leave you.She IS a cutie (sure, like THAT helps…).

Well, I have a couple of different ideas. #1 is that the "No, my do it!" type behavior is more than likely typical 2 yr old rebellion. #2 is like that of a couple other comments above. She is extremely tactile/kinesthetic. Moreso than most toddlers. And needs lots of stimulation. You may want to try using some of her other senses, not just touch, such as hearing. Use music to encourage her to dance/move. Let her play on a small keyboard. Give her books that have bright colors, textures, noises, & smells. And pray for wisdom. James 1:5 is my parenting verse. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."

Ok. I am going to be no help! HA I have twins entering into the terrible 2's in full force. THey are my 4th and 5th children but none of my others were so sneaky, quiet and rotten. Am I geting slower? I Have no idea but yesterday they took permanent marker to the piano and ATE my sponge to my clinique makeup!!!!! I used to hear moms tell these stories and think they must be terrible parents….now I'm the terrilbe parent! HAHAHA

I've had two previous 2 (2 1/2, whatever) year olds. They are now almost 19 and 16. BOTH girls.

But this new one is different. Completely different model. I said it long ago on the blog, she has knocked me right off my pedestal. My rule book is shredded. I'm still scratching my head.

Strong-willed. Acts like she's 16. She has even planned her "Three" birthday in which she claims she will be "16". You can read all about that in my post Sophie the Party Planner.

She argues about EV-ER-Y-THING! It's like having a teenager in a toddler's body. She tries to fix food all by herself, wants to bathe and wash her hair ALL BY HERSELF.

She tells us we are stressing her out, we are rude, NO, NO, NO! ARGGHHHH! I was an in home sitter (Nanny, as I liked to call myself and the kids did as well) for years. But again, knocked right off my pedestal.

Would you like to start a support group? Because I'm thinking we could use it. I AM SERIOUS! There's a pic somewhere on the blog with her covered in black marker. HEAVY sigh! I really think she's plotting to overthrow me.

I have no advice…he's 10; I've forgotten it all. But I remember this…his preschool teacher told me that she always thought the "odd years" (don't know if she meant 1 & 3 or 3 & 5) were actually worse than the terrible 2's. Sorry.

I love the insight from your 7 and 9 year olds. Nothing special here to say. I hope it passes quickly. My oldest had terrible 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 and has calmed down every year since. He was also a VERY easy baby. I figure you can't have an easy baby and an easy toddler and no toddler is that easy.

I have one that sounds just like yours–quick and quiet. One morning while I was in the shower and his dad was sitting in the recliner in the living room, he slid right past Daddy into the pantry and got virtually all of the carbohydrates off the shelf–bread, rice cakes, breakfast bars, cereal…and started eating!

My first said, "SELF!!! SELF!!!" all the time. It was a crack up. The reason I think she was easier is because she was my only one. I had much less on my plate. I never promised dinner, I didn't clean the house until after she was asleep, I had no other children, and I didn't do any paid or volunteer work. Now that I have more on my plate, plus two kids, I give them more opportunities to get into stuff. I'm more distracted.

In the end, I agree with other moms who say give them lots of opportunities to be messy. Mine is particularly fond of filling the sink with water and soap. One time I found an inch of water on the bathroom floor as a result of her enthusiastic splashing. At least it was a clean mess. But she's eaten markers and painted the couch too.

For me, I hate the mess, but I hate the attitude more. And for me, that's the difference between 2 and 3. Can't trust them at 2…but want to smack them at 3. So I'm trying to earn some good karma by not complaining about 2…I wan't to avoid the attitude of the 3s. I'll keep ya posted.

My terrible 2's are now 26, 30 & 35…my opinion (and I REALLY believe it)is this little gal is going to be very creative like her Mom and if her Mom channels her character in the right direction(and you show every indication of doing just that)she will stand firm in what she believes in. So instill in her those important lessons…drugs are bad, sex out of marriage is not an option…etc…and her strong will, will make the correct choices. s You are doing a great job…this too will pass more quickly than you can even imagine!!

Kristen. . .that sweet little blonde headed 2 + yr old is experiencing her world and, combined with the home filled with love that God delivered her to, she will be EXACTLY what God created her to be. Keep doing the wonderful job you are doing!!!! Can't wait to see her when school starts back up.

Yes, it's developmental. She'll become a smart (although "busy") girl. And eventually not do quite as much destruction. My 2yo causes trouble when he's hungry. I've been trying to keep on top of that (he eats A LOT!).

Ha Ha – I had to have a whole heap of kids before I got a real "Kick my Butt" kid… My #6 has whipped me into shape better than all the rest put together… She spent her first year bringing wild animals into the house – a flock 9 wild ducks at ten months, snakes, a crow and so on… She shaved her hair off at age two (honestly only the right half of it) and just well keeps keeps on going. Just turned three and vanished into the garage for a couple of hours where she carefully took the wheels off every single bicycle. I am watching but I am thinking of lashing this one to my side until she is 18… and then heaven help the world.

with my first i thought 3 was far worse than 2 and i felt strongly that the "terrible twos" was just a myth. boy was i wrong! my number 2 child is 2 and we are in the thick of it! we spent 45 minutes this morning in and out of time out. it seems as soon as she paid the price for her infraction, she committed another. i'm exhausted and it's 9am!

Montessori activities may help…get a tray, an old silver cup, some toothpaste and a little cloth or old toothbrush and let her clean the cup. Leave the tray on a shelf that she can reach and work on when she wants…show her how to put it back when she is finished. You may have to "clean" up the tray for her next use until she "gets" it.

Another activity..two small bowls with raw rice and a spoon…show her how to move the rice from one bowl to the next (not A LOT of rice). Include a little whisk brush and dust pan for her to clean up what she drops.

Find a Montessori book with activities for toddlers. I love Montessori; it helps little ones to focus on activities and feel accomplished!

My daughter just turned 2 on Sunday. She's pretty easy so far, but she's an only child until October, so it's easier for me to focus all my attention on keeping her out of things.Although she does give herself pedicures fairly regularly.

Yes, it IS developmental! Did you know that the "2s" are the equivalent to your baby´s teenage years? Some kids just have less (or more) trouble with those, so take heart, with this as in any other stage, it, too, shall pass.

Yes, it IS developmental! Did you know that the "2s" are the equivalent to your baby´s teenage years? Some kids just have less (or more) trouble with those, so take heart, with this as in any other stage, it, too, shall pass.

Don't have much advice for you, but you are NOT alone. I guess we could be sharing shoes because my 2 yr old is fast, quiet (or really loud), and in the "can do it myself" stage, too. If I don't let her do it herself, I am in BIG trouble. Thank you for the post because I feel better knowing that I am not alone!

Wow! My 3 1/2 yo daughter is the same way. Sneaky and quiet – She flushed her diaper down the toilet last week! I saw the suggestion about play dough, but my girl eats it. Actually she used to put everything in her mouth, lately it's just stuff like gum off park benches, or a half-eaten lollipop she found on the slide… I also caught her jumping off the top of her dresser the other day. Her older brother never did any of that, so I was completely unprepared. Now I am pretty much humbled. Which is a good thing, right? She IS getting better, so hang in there. There is hope!

My little tow-headed (now 13 year old ) looked like that at 2 and opened (very discreetly) a small bottle of red paint while in the buggy at Michaels. The clerk thought it was blood. We went back to that Michaels (in disguise) a few year later and there was a buggy still with red paint on it!! So embarrassing! When they are small, they physically 'wear you out', when they are teens, they mentally exhaust you!

Im praying its developmental! My 2 1/2 year old is a handful. We went over to a friends house (now my friend has a 3 year old and a 2 year old boy) and she told me she had a perfect way to keep my girl off of the stairs and stacked two gates one of top fo the other.. Basically made a gate taller my her 6 ft tall husband. So, Im sitting nursing my baby on the couch and I hear an oh darn from the hallway. My daughter had climbed up and over both gates..

Couple of days later she got into my nail polish and painted her tails and my baby's nails.. Yea, this kids going to drive me batty.

HI! I'm Kristen. I'm here to encourage you as a wife and mom and remind you there's a little bit of THAT family in all of us. I write books, run Mercy House and try to remember I am third (God first, others second). I'm glad you're here.