Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but cheese can be served at any temperature

I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing (though I’ve missed so much)

November 11, 2017

I love that my kids have a sense of humor. I guess almost every kid does. And although my kids laugh at passed gas as much as the next guy, they also find the funny in so many other ways. This week, the silliness came in spades, so I thought it would be great to remember a few of these moments.

Episode 3

Sometimes I like to pun with my kids at the dinner table. You know, like normal dads do. So I asked Alice the following question: “What kind of hat does a grizzly wear when it goes to Mexico?” Alice was a little stumped, so I gave some clues. “What do you call a hat that someone might wear in Mexico?” That’s when Elliot jumped in.

E: A som-brero?

Me: Yes! So what would you call a hat that a grizzly might wear?

E: A som-bear-o!

That was probably the first time that Elliot really got a pun, and definitely the first one he has gotten before his sister. He seemed pretty proud of himself, or maybe that’s just me projecting.

Episode 2

This week was parent-teacher conference week. In between my meetings, Sara and I met with Alice’s teacher. We let the kids wait in my classroom. I set them up with the scratch paper to draw on, not thinking what was on the other side.

When we returned, Alice was very excited about showing me the paper. I assumed she had made an interesting drawing of a Catstronaut or a fox, but instead she was showing me a page with writing on it. Apparently, I had given her some of my extra literature worksheets. She had taken the time to fill out answers to the questions from one of my sixth-grade books. Here are some examples:

Question 2: Why was Neftali so nervous about talking to Uncle Orlando?

Answer 2: Because he was a Minion.

Question 12: In the final scene of this chapter, the author ends with these dramatic words from Neftali: “Nor will they silence mine.” Based on this scene and your reading, write down a specific prediction.

Answer 12: The world will turn into a paper towel dispenser.

This is the kind of thing that I loved to do in middle school (and probably the main reason why I was so popular then). I would still do it now under the right circumstances. Aside from her absurdity, I was also impressed that she seemed to have a basic understanding of the questions.

Episode 1

Sara recently purchased two giant beanbags for the kids. They like to move them around the house and jump on them. On this particular Saturday, Alice had the idea of acting like something falling into something else. For example, a raindrop falling into a puddle, with the beanbag being the puddle. She did a few herself and then asked for suggestions. So then I just started giving her these weirdly specific scenarios. We did them rapid fire, one after the other. Elliot was extremely delighted by her theatrics, and he eventually joined in on a few himself. She never once hesitated. She asked for more and more until we had probably done at least 30. Most of them just involved her using a loud voice and falling face first, but there were a few that stood out. Here are a few of my favorites:

A baby falling into a toilet

This sounds darker then it was. She just fully committed to the urgency of the moment and then her brother joined along. The fall and the screams for “Mommy!” were pretty great.

A hairdryer falling into a bucket of orange juice

This one was one of Alice’s suggestions. The sound effects of the hairdryer were pretty great to start, and then she ended with the line “These are definitely clogging up some of my systems!”

An alien falling into a high school Spanish class

Fortunately, my daughter doesn’t know much about immigration, since I intended this to be about a space alien instead of the pejorative term used to describe someone from another country. Alice walked over with making loud noises while gesticulating like a disco enthusiast on a caffeine high. Then she fell on the bean bag and proclaimed, “Hola!” Like she saw all the kids staring at her and wanted to try and act all casual.

So there you have it. Just an attempt to make something that could be ephemeral into something memorable. Like when the world becomes a paper towel dispenser, dispensing three sheets at a time.

Like this:

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Oh, Ronn! You know I so love these peeks into your days. It is a gift to see the ways you delight in those two lucky kids! What a great read to start my morning. Please tell me you were not really up posting this at 3:30am