First he copies me in being a tall, skinny kind-of-geeky-but- in-a-not-unattractive-way humorist. Then he copies me in devising a humorous persona who is an obnoxious blowhard to cover the fact that in real life he is, in fact, an obnoxious blowhard. And now he has announced that he is running for president, much as a certain someone else did a few months ago.

We’re not in direct competition, because I’m running for the 2020 election, but this is totally going to ruin my chances to build momentum over the next 13 years. My plan was to double my number of supporters every week until the election, so that by 2020 I’ll have (13 x 52) squared people in the Diesel for President organization. You’re probably wondering, “Why so many squared people? Why not round people or trapezoidal people?” Well, I am a Republican, after all. Squared people is all we have.

Here’s an idea, Steve. Can I call you Steve? Why don’t you create another character called Stephen Colbert and make him your running mate? Maybe we can call him Steve. Every presidential ticket should have at least one person named Steve. That way, when you don’t know the answer to a question, you can say, “I’m not 100% sure on that, but I’ll check with Steve.” Come to think of it, you could probably do that with other names too.

All work and no job makes Diesel something something. Really funny? Why yes! That’s exactly what I was trying to say, in my own pathetic-yet-well-meaning fashion! And thank you for filling in those blanks.

In truth, I’m guessing it will be significantly easier to write a review for this book after I’ve actually read it, but, since I’ve had the pleasure of reading at least ONE draft (maybe two?) I know “Antisocial Commentary” is filled with many words, most of them spelled correctly, and all of them in complete sentences. The fact that these “words” are well crafted, and often laugh-out-loud hilarious is but a bonus, but that’s beside the point. The point, which is working its way through my fragile little mind, even as I type, is that Diesel is that rare author, who manages to find humor in just about anything. And not just “regular” humor, but the much more difficult/rare Oh My God I’m About To Wet My Pants Because I’m Laughing So Hard, Help Me Jeebus! variety. You know, the really good kind. The kind you’d expect to find in a book written by someone like, say Dave Barry, a Pulitzer Prize winning author and close personal friend of yours truly. Now THERE’S a humorist… but I digress.

Buy this book, not just because it’s completely hilarious, but because Diesel is a decent fellow, who laughs every time I make a “diesel fitter” joke, even tho’ he has NO idea why it’s supposed to be funny. I’m almost positive most folks will enjoy each and every fun-filled page — and I have no doubt “Antisocial Commentary” will be that rare volume that finds a permanent spot in most households right next to the toilet. Yep, it’s just that good. Did I say “good”? I meant to say Brillaint. ; )

Take that, Steve!

*Our beloved Snuppy, if you couldn’t tell by the rambling-yet-infectious writing style. What, she steals stuff from me.

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That’s it! I’m naming my new dog Steven Colbert. Where’s a light sabor when I need one? Throws gloves down after smacking Diesel across the face – How could you denounce Steven Colbert the first chance you got when Snuppy wasn’t here? And as if that weren’t enough – posting her glowing review of your book to magnify her esteem and affection for you as if to say “Steven who?” That’s just…brilliant! Brilliant, I say and Snuppy would too if she were here and well, someone’s got to kick off the commenting.

Okay, where do I join your campaign? More roundish, than square but you know not like I haven’t crossed party lines before 😉

Lampsha – Actually, I have no idea if he’s an obnoxious blowhard. I just assumed that he is, because I am. Actually, reading his wikipedia entry, it seems we have quite a lot in common, except for him being WAY more successful. But then, he’s also older.

JACC – Maybe I’ll pick HIM! Or something.

Howard – I’ll bet he copies me. Wanker.

Patty – Pink Floyd is a ROCK BAND? Holy crap, I thought he was one of the original signers of the Declaration of Independence. My bad.

I’ll vote for you…so, does that make me square? I’ve always thought of myself as being more on the rectangular side, but I’ll do my best to be square. I don’t much like bees, so I’ll stick with Antisocial Commentary for my bathroom reading. 😉

For the record, Floyd was in the Muppet band with Animal. How people forget these things is beyond me!

Based on my first reading of Diesel’s book, I’d vote for him. Although it might get me arrested as I’m not a citizen or resident or such of the U.S. More, unwelcome occasional visitor, really. But absentee ballets are pretty simple to get. Especially by 2020.

I think the best compromise is for Mr. Colbert (hey, is that French!?!) to run as Diesel’s V.P. If they put in a serious race people would be too distracted by Colbert to notice that Diesel has no political experience.