I have people to kill, lives to ruin, plagues to bring, and worlds to destroy. I am not the Angel of Death. I'm a fiction writer.

Coming Out of the Closet

Instead of writing, I’m writing a blog post about cleaning out the closet in my office.

First thing, the closet is filled with empty containers. No wonder I don’t have room for anything in here. I next encountered three alarm clocks still in boxes, funny since I’m always late.

Just found my Gramms’ old photo album perfect distraction. I can flip through these for a while. Ah, my eyes! There’s a picture of my Gramms in her industrial brassiere and a man’s tie around her neck drinking whiskey from the bottle. No, it wasn’t taken yesterday, she looks about twenty. I see what Gramps was attracted to, but I wonder who’s taking the pciture?

Four beanie babies I’ll set those aside for the kidlings.

Cloth grocery bags I never take to the grocery store. Perfect for storing the twenty plus empty containers.

Something in a box from IKEA called Rationell. Don’t know what it is. The only picture on the box is of a man throwing away trash. Those Swedes are so neat. Opened it. Put it together. Still don’t know what it is. I’m using it to hold notebooks on my desk.

Lots of trash, extra wrapping paper. Huge matted balls of cables for who knows what. Pictures that were never hung.

Oh dang it, Blind Dog made off with one of the beanie babies. Think it was a grey dog. Too late, Blind Dog’s chewed the nose off.

My apologies to Blockbuster. Apparently you didn’t lose that movie several years ago. My bad.

That’s about it. Wait somethings in the very back. Okay, no clue how this got back there. Tucked in the very back behind the vacuum and several large pictures is a lasso, a green lasso. I have absolutely no idea where that could have come from.

Check your closets. If you find a stray cowboy, send him round for his lasso.

you always make me laugh i cannot wait to be able to afford to hire you as a writer.you have a voice that just says listen .happiest of new years to you hope all your wishes for the new year manifest.
orin

Funny! organizing in a closet mess is always an adventure. I spent most of the time deciding IF I really need the things or IF i throw all away. The time remained i dream looking at the stuff…. At the end of the day i am messy or tearful or sad or covered in unsorted things i wanted to clean….

Thank you for the ‘likes’. Every time I have gone into a closet..physical, mental, whatever I have found a surprise. CC usually manages the ‘storage factor’ so when we look in there we always find something fun..esp since we have both taken to the ‘safe and clean with no memory of where’ type packing..your post is a gas..Peace Tony

LOL! Funny as always…as I’m packing a house to move, it looks like ALL my damn closets vomited in unision…sigh…this is gonna take SO long to clean up! :o) Have a great new year…BTW, I DID find several pairs of cowboy boots…Happy New Year Deidra! Thanks for the smile.

Loved this post….and the comments are hilarious! Also loved that you started the year without a “New Years post” but with great humor and fun! Since my word for the year 2012 is JOY, this fits perfectly! THANK YOU! xo

lol I also didn’t write my list of ‘new things to try’ when I should have been doing it – like you I was too busy clearing out my office. I want to be able to have somewhere work focussed to sit this year (rather than the sofa as I am currently doing) and we have a whole room as a dedicated office space – but even though we moved in a year ago it has remained a junk room – not any more! New Years Day was spent blitzing it – things for the loft and lots for the charity shop and skip and finally a room we can use, just a small amount of odds and ends to home now 😀 I think this clearing space is a good goal in itself to set us all up for achieving our other goals for the year ahead – decluttering always leave you feeling more free to focus on other things! 🙂
Happy New Year!

This opened up some old wounds. As I finished reading, I sat here staring at my home work space, remembering how I’d decided to clean it up and make it more efficient. Alas, this memory has not yet come to fruition. However, with your post, I did feel a slight tug in that direction. So thank you for that. And thanks to Selena for the nudge to come check out your space. Awesome! You have a new follower.

Closets, attics and basements are great for reminiscing. They hold remnants of our past lives, much of which we have forgotten.
This paragraph made me laugh out loud – “Something in a box from IKEA called Rationell. Don’t know what it is. The only picture on the box is of a man throwing away trash. Those Swedes are so neat. Opened it. Put it together. Still don’t know what it is. I’m using it to hold notebooks on my desk.”
Thanks for this!

I bought reusable grocery bags a year ago and still haven’t used them. I don’t know how to make myself remember, other than to store them in my car. Oh wait, I do that and it still doesn’t work. Maybe that will be my new year’s resolution.

Good luck figuring out the origins of the lasso. Let us know if you do, I’m curious.

Great post. Always good to start with a laugh and a clean closet to boot! I know I sometimes decide to clean or organize something when I am feeling overwhelmed. Helps me focus I guess. Happy New Year!

Hi Deidra. That is one funny article on the closet. You do have a sense of humor worth writing about. I was recently critiqued to watch my spelling. Being dyslexic I sometimes miss seeing the transposed or left out letters. I noticed a few in your article also. Perhaps we as Bloggers are not as sensitive to this as much as editors are. Just a heads up. Keep writing. Mary Ellen Ryall, author.

Thanks Mary. I think there is also much more rush put on getting a post out than a manuscript. I review things I’m sending to editors 10 or 20 times and have many friends review first. A blog post can’t take that amount of time and effort or I would never get anything posted. I appreciate specifics when you find them. I don’t mind making improvements. Thanks.

Love it! In the process of organizing my craft stuff – I wonder what all I will find that I forgot I bought? My only problem – – – I keep stopping to do that craft project I find! I’ll never be through! I need someone to keep me on track – – – and away from the glue!!!!

Could you please come clean my storage cupboard out? It’s been on my to do list for 10 days now but every time I open it, stuff leaps out and attacks me so I slam the door shut and get back to reading everyone’s blogs instead. least here no one attacks me .. !!

Deidra, I’m glad that you are out of the closet. I have always loved hearing about lost things found in unexpected places. I loved the picture of your grandmother. It reminded me of the stories about my grandmother being the best hooky-bobber in her area. She even broke her arm on her wedding day. For those that don’t know, hooky-bobbing is tying your sled to a vehicle and then being pulled.

As for the lasso, have you checked your other closets? You might find the rest of the set.

I just became your “like # 69” and there will be no further comment on that. I’m very glad that you’ve come out of your closet, because in doing so, you’ve reminded me that I need to get back into mine. (me being out of the closet was starting to upset my wife – she’s very sensitive) A green lasso, huh? I’d like to say it’s mine, but that wouldn’t be true – and with all these comments and likes here, I’m sure that at least several someone elses have already tried to claim it, whether it’s really theirs or not.

And hey, you look good as a Lakota Sioux Chieftess! That got an immediate and appreciative laugh from me. 🙂 And thanks for liking my post with the title that’s very long and I’m too lazy to type here right now. How’s that for shameless non self promotion? Lol 😉 Happy 2012 Deidra! You’re a talented and entertaining trip, and a trip that I’d like to make. (Will the cocker spaniel read this? Oh the suspense! lol)

Wow..I randomly read this after I had just finished wading through a sea of crap in my apartment…ever wonder why one would need a foam plumeria hair clip, a glue bottle with a Japanese panda on it, and an instruction manual for a coffee maker no longer in one’s possession all in the same box? 0_o??!

In short…you have an awesome closet. And props to the IKEA Box of Mystery.

Nothing beats a good old spring clean…except when trying to write a dissertation or do something actually useful and you find yourself playing with the board games your younger brother got for christmas 5 years ago…Yes, that was me 😦

Sounds like it is time for a yard sale. We plan on moving in about 18 months and started last winter…cleaned out the attic. Well, maybe organized it better and managed to clear about half of it would be a better description. Had a yard sale in the spring….still have a lot remaining that we will add to THIS spring’s sale…after we attack the garage! MY personal goal is to get rid of so much of the clothes I have that I can get it all in one dresser!

And now that I’ve spent so much time on your post, I feel like I can ask, “Seriously? You found a picture of your grandmother partying in a bra? You do know that must be enlarged, framed and prominently displayed, right?”

I love uncovering evidence that our predecessors were real people too.

None of those. The thing I have is a small long wooden base with metal hooks in one side.
And yes, I really found a picture of Gramms in her undies, man’s tie around her neck, and whiskey bottle in her hand.

Come on over, I have three closets that you could mine. Fair game to keep anything you find unless it’s an old photo album. How do empty closets manage to acquire do much junk?

Some hold vintage clothing that should be back in style next year, so maybe I should hang onto them a while longer. Oh, there’s that cute jacket with the moth holes, maybe I can figure out how to fix that. The kids’ high school year books they promised to take but keep forgetting, a daughter’s wedding dress she wanted to save for her daughter. The daughter is 5’3″, her daughter is 5’11” most unlikely it will ever be worn again.

So just wave a magic wand and make them all disappear and we will all be good.

Just started my Springfling: It always comes on the heels of attempting to tuck away Holiday gear…headfirst into closet, arms whipping whatever odd items have somehow escaped storage and comes to my hand over my shoulder out of closet onto dresser, bed and floor to be sorted after flung. The finds: Grandpa’s boyscout scarf (which I now use as hair accessory) and bunch of matchbooks collected from little girl years to teenage years, stuffed in crumbling shoebox to be forgotten until today (which contents include a little bag of ashes from Mt. St. Helen eruption tied inside matchbook from a stay in the region) There! What’s that fuzzy pile sticking out in all directions? Oh. My son’s snow hat from his first ever snowboarding trip in first grade, a bright blue and black, tri-tipped-jesteresque affair…hmmm, he might want that back…but he is twenty-one years this January 2012. I think I’ll just hang onto that jester hat for a while longer. I love a good Springfling, thanks for sharing yours.

Thanks for the Like:-) Much appreciated. This post is brilliant and the theme is so familiar- we moved from a shared house; during our tenure, our under-stairs cupboard bred 6 duvets, a pogo stick, a hamster cage and a pair of roller blades a size smaller than anybody who ever lived there. Baffling.

So glad you ‘liked’ my blog (Thank you!) – it lead me here….where I’m delighted to find a like-minded soul! I’ve just spent the last two days clearing closets; sorting, gathering and finding new homes for all my treasured bits and pieces (art materials, memorabilia, books, crafts, fabrics etc which were previously scattered all over the house). It was all too tempting to sit and reminisce, pouring over long lost items but I kept up the pace and I now have this immaculate, super-organised space – my new ‘studio’ (well a tiny room in the attic actually) – and a door! I can finally shut out all worldly distraction and get down to work……..Well that was the plan, only problem is, everything’s SO tidy now, I can’t bring myself to mess it up! Also, I now have a view…. over the roof tops of Central London, with its ever-changing light and cloud formations, which I just can’t seem to tear my eyes away from…….I keep telling myself to get a grip and make a start…..but then just head back downstairs….for yet another cup of tea……..

A stray cowboy! I will certainly keep my eye out for one of those. My entire bedroom is my craft room. It is a disaster. I have no idea where to start. Ok well that’s not entirely true. A few weeks before Christmas I did start with all of my photoshop books. I moved them from side of the room to the other. That was it.

I am a pro at keeping the most random bullshit thinking that I’ll need it one day… granted once I finally do, a few months later I inevitably think to myself “now where the hell did I put that lasso…?”

Great story… but sorry, I don’t think I have your missing cowboy. When you remember why you have the green lasso, you must let us know. I think the strangest things I have in my office closet are catnip and an old Boys II Men Christmas CD. 😉

Wow, you’ve got a lot of (fun) stuff in that closet, or else it’s just really big. I love to clean closets and organize. I’ve even done it for my friends. Thanks for stopping by my blog and ‘liking’. As you could see, it was my first post… I’ve got lots more up my sleeve!

A charity collection bag was posted by some good-hearted soul over the weekend, so I decided to get rid of jacket I have only worn once, about 5 years ago. I was on a roll. In the end I had to tip everything out to organise it to get back into the bag. Then I filled in the document for the charity to claim tax back. My halo was positively glowing!

Halfway through the next morning, the bag was still in the hallway, it was raining heavily and the winds were too high to risk putting the bag out. My other half put it out later ‘just in case they haven’t already been round here’.

The bag is still in the hallway – just as well, as yesterday I found the tax document.

The charity has a shop in the next town, so the next time I go here, and it isn’t raining or blowing a gale, I will take it.

So for now, all I have done is move junk from one place to another, (which is what what my other half and my Mother have always complained about), and it is in way every time we pass through the hallway.

A year and a half ago we moved. I was supposed to do all that cleaning out stuff then…Nooooo! We ended up rushing so much I didn’t cleanse the junk and paid ridiculous amounts to have it brought to our new house. Now I have a garage and several closets that have way too much unknown stuff in them…perhaps that cowboy is in there somewhere 🙂

I just spent 3 days organizing my work space and after a week of work in that newly neatened room, it’s all aclutter, not as bad but not as neat. When you find out how it’s possible to keep it neat, let me know. And always, thanks for the smiles your posts bring.

I find all sorts of great stuff around this old house. The PO didn’t clear it out before moving. My favorite find so far-a fabulous desert painting! Oh, and then there were the playboys from back in the 60s I should have sold but was too afraid my littles would find them so they got tossed.

Very very me, I can live in chaos for days sometimes weeks (but never any longer) I always find it so therapeutic to clear out. Something I tend to do when feeling insecure or anxious or my creativity is lacking. Am I sad?! Thanks for like.

“Something in a box from IKEA called Rationell. Don’t know what it is. The only picture on the box is of a man throwing away trash. Those Swedes are so neat. Opened it. Put it together. Still don’t know what it is. I’m using it to hold notebooks on my desk.”

That made me laugh! I have encountered things that have no function that I am aware of, you just made it your own is all! Don’t throw it away tho, you will remember what it is AFTERWARDS! 🙂

Just hilarious! I must say that you certainly have an interesting way with words. I’m glad that you took a moment to drop by my blog. I have enjoyed exploring your blog. I wish you much success in 2012. 🙂

Excellent post. Got to love looking through a closet finding things you’ve lost or forgotten. Not to mention finding things that you didn’t realize you ever had or even what it is in the first place. I am really curious about the IKEA thingy. Wonder what it is…

When it comes to cleaning out the closet, I always find so many reasons to keep the things I need to throw away. It’s so hard to say ‘goodbye.’ Thank you so much for reading our ‘In Living Color’ post. Have a great day.

I have a closet as big as a room. At first so clean and spare but with all that space it seemed ok to store a few things there and there and there and now I know….I’ll clean it out tomorrow. Good reminder thanks. I’m keeping my cowboy stuff though.

Purging … a wonderul feeling once it is done. I make it a habit to do it every three months. I figure if I haven’t used it or need it maybe someone else will. I suppose that’s why you can’t remember where the lasso came from. I have a cowboy but I just looked na he has his lasso right around his neck where it belongs. LOLOL
Belated Happy New Year 2012 … my wish for you year ahead is below …
Isadorahttp://insidethemindofisadora.wordpress.com/2011/12/31/a-toast-for-the-new-year/

Organizing my writing room has been on my “To-Do List” for at least one year. I want to clear out all the junk in the closet and book in bookshelves. Right now, it’s filled with boxes stuffed with old manuscripts and other detritus from a writing life.

I have bags that seem to have no other purpose than to hold other bags, and bags that are too nice ever to be used to hold anything. I would clear my cupboard (I’m English,, we don’t have closets) but I’m scared that when I reach the back, the White Witch and Aslan will leap out at me.

Thank you for liking my blog post; I wouldn’t have found your blog otherwise, and you’re very droll.

You are a riot. I am also a writer – a journalist by trade – and there are days when I’ll do anything to keep my butt OUT of the chair. Wind yarn, clean out under the bed, put a toothbrush to the tile. Why do we do it? In fact, right now I should be writing a story and instead I am reading your blog!

Maybe it belongs to the guy whose boots I found when cleaning out from under by bed. I think it might hold plates. Now it holds mail, not male which would open up a new world of possibilities for naughty IKEA.