Notes included in Vol. 3:• When life hands you tape, make tapenade.
• Imagine if you just had one nostril. Crazy, right?
• Rednecks would get a lot more respect if they drank espresso.
• No matter how old I get, I’ll still feel like a big boy when I finish my vegetables.
• “Chlamydia” is a pretty name for a sexually transmitted disease.• Plus five more!

About the author:S.H. Carlyle is a humor writer whose work has been featured on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, American Public Media’s The Dinner Party, and various other places. He has been described as “off-putting,” “creepy,” and “please just pay your bill and leave.”