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I’m jumping in just a bit late here (OK 10 months late) because a: I just discovered these prompts and b: if I don’t start now, then when?

#1: If you have been to a foreign country name those you have been to?

I have skirted around Cuba and the Bahamas but the place I actually spent considerable time and never wanted to leave was Quintana Roo, MX. It was on a honeymoon cruise in 1997 and we entered Cozumel through Playa del Carmen. Admittedly, I was disappointed at first because it felt no different than being in Miami. The first thing I saw off the boat was a Burger King and a Daquiri bar popular in the ‘States. Liberating ourselves from the tourist trap however, we were transported into a whole new world of single lane dirt roads, quiet villages, and some of the nicest people I have ever met. Even with a language barrier, there was still understanding, kindness, generosity, and genuine welcome.

#2: Is the glass half empty or half full? What type of glass is it and what is in the glass?

This question has always irked me because it forces one to be judged in such a closed-ended, black-and-white manner that really isn’t realistic. Our moods change, our personalities change, our momentary stimulus changes and the answer can be different every time, leaving us wrongly judged because we are just being judged in the moment.

I see it this way: The glass is halfway to whichever direction the contents were traveling. If it was in the process of being filled, then it is half full. If it was in the process of being drank or poured out, then it is half empty. It isn’t about what *I* think. It’s about the facts happening around the situation and leading up to it. There are always other facts to consider. Is it half full or half empty? “It’s just half.”

Incidentally, it should contain a good, hearty, merlot.

#3: If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would you get?

Sushi, hands down. It’s a dish that can be created endless ways under one label, it’s fresh, it’s clean food, and can be nutritionally dense. I could easily live off sushi.

List: List at least five places worth shopping.

As one who doesn’t shop often, this will be difficult…

1. Local farmer’s market (downtown, Saturdays)
2. Nelson Family Farms
3. Local artisans
4. Local art galleries
5. Any small business with a quality product or service

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful I got to spend some quality time with my daughter, especially now that she is getting to the age between being a little girl and wanting her teenage freedom. This week coming up will be hella busy at work because open enrollment for Medicare Part D is starting, so we are gearing up with parties and all types of goodies for the crazy time ahead.

Despite the gorgeous sunrise and freshly fall weather gracing the coast, this week seems to be quite dark in the events that are coming up. Back in May, my landlady who I lived with at the time had a very unsavory man living with her. In 6 months, he had not paid rent so she had me – of all people – serve him his eviction notice. Eventually, the police had to come and remove him the hard way. The next day, my brake lines were mysteriously cut. She had a restraining order against him but despite numerous violations against it, he continued to stalk and harass her. Most recently, she found her two outdoor cats had been killed and left in a bag on her front lawn. This is the type of person we are dealing with. On his first violation of the night he was thrown out, she and I were sitting on the front porch and saw him come back onto the property. We called the police and filled out witness reports. Stupid, stupid move on my part. This week, I have to go testify against him in court as a witness even though I have been telling the prosecuting attorney for months that my life is in danger from this man. He is not sane, he is not to be trusted. A text from his ex wife to my landlady early on said it plainly: “You don’t know what he’s capable of.” This single chilling text has stuck in my mind ever since and on many occasions, he has indeed proven what he is capable of. Now even though I no longer live at her address, he can just as easily find out where I live if I go testify against him. What happens next? I’m afraid to find out. Just pray that he does land in jail for a substantial amount of time finally without bail or that if he does manage to go free that he doesn’t find me. Ever.

After spending the majority of this year out of work and the most recent 2-3 months couch-surfing after I lost my apartment, I am finally starting to get settled in at my new home. It is 2 ½ hours from where I have been for the past decade, but St. Lucie County had just completely run out of opportunities for me. After my old boss passed away and the company closed behind him in January, I simply could not find work that was enough to take care of my basic needs. I’d found temp work here and there, but nothing permanent came through. With my apartment several months behind, that was it. I started another temp job and put my stuff into storage, staying between my car and a neighbor’s house (which quickly became very abusive situation). I approached people that I trusted and no one was willing to let me stay with them until I got back on my feet so without an ounce of help from my friends and no family in the area, I had a choice to make: continue being homeless and unable to care for myself much less my daughter, or make a change in my life.

It’s been a very difficult change to make. 150 miles away, a previous boyfriend was willing to take me in and provide food and shelter while I sought work and recovered my losses. His family (3 kids of his own plus two extended family) has been welcoming and friendly as I try to find work here in a much bigger city and try to adjust, settle in and find my way around. I am still looking for work, but do have some calls coming back for interviews and I am hopeful something will come through soon. I have so much I need to catch up on – vital bills that can NOT be ignored but right now there isn’t a damn thing I can do about them. I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that I am 2 ½ hours away from my daughter until I find work and get a couple paychecks in to be able to get back for visitation, the fact that my belongings are being auctioned off at storage because I couldn’t pay for it, and the fact that I lost two pets in the process, Topper and Moppit, my cat and my dog. I have very little clothing with me, and only one of my journals – the most recent one – even though I had kept every one of my journals since I started writing them at age 9. I had to leave when I had to leave, and that meant coming up with only what would fit in my car. This is the third time in my life I’ve lost it all. Isn’t it about damn time something other than being shit on becomes permanent in my life?

Well, with nothing to my name, here I am starting over yet again. Praying to God something permanent comes in so I can once again have gas and food (it’s still scarce here in a household of seven), proper clothing, personal bills paid, and a little to live on. After those basics are taken care of, I look forward to being able to fix the A/C in this house, as it’s got a bad circuit board and was 92F inside today and my asthma is suffering BADLY for being stuck in this hot, humid air and I’ve no means to get my medication. Internet would be great too! Right now my only reliable connection is at the library. It’s sad, the things we take for granted when we have them constantly. When not having certain things begins to affect one’s health however, I think there is justification for bitching a bit when trying to change the situation that wasn’t working isn’t itself immediately working. My life has turned upside-down this year and fallen out from under me. It is HARD. Bear with me if I’m angry or depressed or bitter. All that pretty hope and happiness idealism isn’t always possible.

Hello, friends. Please bear with me while I vent. Maybe you can even relate a thing or two to your own experiences and silently lend support with a shake of the head and a sighed, “Been there…”

So yesterday was a MONDAY. It was a Monday to the extent that I tweeted an exasperated:

It took no less than a half hour to get my sleep-through-a-nuclear-annihilation child out of bed in the morning. No matter how early she is sent to bed, every Monday morning is still a battle, some worse than others. We ended up running late in getting her back to her dad’s house but after we’d left, it came to realization that she’d forgotten her notebook of homework so we had to turn around and get it.

I barely skidded into work on time and no sooner did I sit down at my desk to log into the phone did my team leader come by, “I’m sorry, I have to send you home to change.” What the? See, during the summer, the dress code is pretty lax, with shorts and hats allowed in the call center. Friday however, apparently an e-mail had gone out notifying staff that we had corporate company coming this week and were on a “business casual” dress code – no shorts, jeans, hats, etc. This notice went out at 4:45 p.m. on Friday – my shift ends at 4:30. Brilliant. Trying not to miss *too* much time, I lead-footed it home and ended up getting stuck waiting for one of the Tropicana trains that snakes slowly across several intersections in the neighborhood, leaving no way around it. I get home, I change, RUSH back to work, log in 32 minutes late and start having trouble breathing.

Rummaging through my purse, I cannot find my inhaler (I have chronic asthma) – Ok, I’m thinking, I’m going to drop dead at my desk. Calls are pouring in, I’m trying not to sound like a pervert breathing heavily on the phone and trying to basically meditate myself out of this asthma attack between calls. I make it through to lunch and call the pharmacy who has been trying to reach my doctor for an inhaler refill for two weeks now. They still haven’t gotten a response but the pharmacist offers to try calling her directly to get an emergency refill. I only made it until 2:30 when I could no longer talk on the phone and had to flag down my team leader to tell her I needed to go get a breathing treatment. She said I could leave but would have one “occurrence” against me. This is essentially their writing me up. We are not allowed any time off for anything, period. Screw it. Breathing is kind of important. I drive myself to the hospital and decide to take one last look through my purse, dumping the entire contents out onto the passenger seat. Wouldn’t you know it, there stuck in the *lining* of my bag is my inhaler. I contemplated going in for a treatment anyway because by then the asthma attack was so bad the inhaler wasn’t working fast enough but I eventually did get it under control. As I was pulling out of the hospital parking lot, I get a call from the pharmacy that my prescription is in. Of course, the price of it ended up being too much for me to afford this week so I would have been screwed anyway.

The majority of my bad day ended there thankfully. I did leave out one bit that I didn’t think needed to be aired here, but still… yesterday was one of those, “Enough already!” moments when I just wanted to break down and cry and be held. But of course crying would only give me a headache and there is no one to hold me anyway, so I just kept pushing through it all begging for it to end. Anyway… signing it off here, writing off yesterday as just another day in hell and waiting to see what kind of mood the roommate is in once he wakes up. Then again, with him just staggering out of the bedroom, my asking him, “How you feeling?” and his response being a sinister, “Don’t. Talk….” I can see how this night is going to go.

Four gruesome months of unemployment finally came to a close in May when I started a job as a Paralegal. It pays very little (net has been about half what I need to meet my bills, which have already been trimmed down to the bare minimum) and it’s practically out of town for me, but it’s work. I’m only hoping that I do well enough for the promised raises to come through as indicated when I started otherwise I don’t know how I’m going to make it. Well, the truth is, I’m not. So hopefully those raises come through!

I’ve started a 9-part pre-RCIA line of coursework with the Catholic Home Study Service in preparation for my RCIA classes starting in October. William has been a wonderful guide to me in my studies though I quietly wish he’d give me a little more crap when I don’t go to mass. No nun-pun intended, but I’ve got to work harder on getting into the habit. It would be easier if my church had services on Sunday nights, but there’s really no excuse for me to miss the 10AM mass. I’ve slept in the past two Sundays though. Shame on me.

A couple weeks ago, a new kitten came into my life, a very friendly little long-haired silver kitty. We named her Bellamina – the name is bigger than she is, but not bigger than the ball of energy that she brings into the house. She’s a bit codependent which is fine by me as she lays sprawled across my lap as I type, hugging my leg and just purring away. The big silver and white pouf of a tail reminds me of a squirrel, all fluff that constantly looks as if it’d been rubbed by a balloon and static took over. The cutest thing about her is when she’s being petted, she blows kisses. It’s not a post-weaning suckling kind of thing, she literally just smacks her lips and blows kisses as a person does when calling a cat. It’s more of a mimicry, and I’ve never seen another cat to do that. She’s also got enormous paws which give her a comical lope during play, like a puppy who hasn’t grown into his feet yet. She truly is a treasure.

This Memorial Day, I’m not sure I’m doing anything. It would be nice to have a cookout or something but I don’t have anyone to invite or join at one. Going to the beach would be a full on nightmare with the traffic. I tried in vain yesterday, couldn’t even get close. Actually had to back my car out of a parking lot because there wasn’t even enough room to turn around where all the spots were full and people had parked in non-spots essentially gridlocking the entire lot so that no one could pass through or out.

We’ll see how this day pans out. I’d hate to spend it just doing housework!

Trying to come up with some radical new idea (ok, maybe “radical” in this day and age was a bad term) – a BIG new idea for research for my next FME article. With everything happening in the news, I should not be at a loss for a topic, however my fear is that I will just come across as repeating the same news we’ve been hearing every day. What would YOU like to read about, or hear a fresh view on? Tell me in the comments!

Just to drop an update on myself, ever since my boss passed away on December 28th and the company subsequently closed on January 2, I have been seeking work. For 3 1/2 months, I have been living on my tax return and the grace of friends and charity however that is all running out quickly. If I don’t find viable work *this month* I will be facing very dire circumstances.

The stress of this has caused my blood pressure to shoot up as the worry is constantly there, 24/7, and I have rarely been able to sleep at night for the past couple months. A week and a half ago, I ended up having to break down and go to the doctor with the joints in my right wrist severely inflamed – I was unable to move my wrist, hand or fingers at all. The wrist was treated and cleared up in a matter of days with a brace and a prescription anti-inflammatory but we still don’t know the cause of it. X-rays showed no fracture, blood tests showed no elevated uric acid and therefore no possibility of gout, and the doctor also ruled out arthritis. It remains an excruciating mystery but at least I have leftover meds to treat it should it recur.

While at that doctor visit, whereas the wrist was treated quickly enough, the focus of the visit quickly turned to my blood pressure when my vitals were taken. Back to that – my BP was 210/140. YIKES! The doc immediately gave me a Clonidine and told me to go to the emergency room however if you’ve ever read my previous post about Lawnwood Regional, you’ll understand why I was loathe to even consider stopping in there. In the end, I did not go to the ER, taking the prescription for Clonidine and hoping that would start to lower my numbers.

Like an idiot, I started right in on the full prescribed dose. Had I remembered the problems I had when starting on another BP med several years ago (heart rate below 60, fainting, inability to walk more than a few feet without severe difficulty in breathing), I would have started small and worked my way up to the full dose. The first 3 days of full-dosing this time, same thing. I was fainting, could barely breathe due to very slow heart rate, and (thankfully this was over the weekend) was barely able to stay awake for more than a couple hours at a time. My thinking and reaction times were very slow so driving anywhere was NOT an option. By that Monday, I was vomiting and fainting and I stopped the med completely (another stupid thing, but I did consider how my BP would shoot up in doing so). I called my doctor and told him I *have* to do this my way. By stepping the dose up slowly over the next few days, I was fine on the prescribed dose. Hitting my system all at once though is something my body just couldn’t handle.

In taking my BP every couple days over a week and a half, I saw the numbers were going down but not nearly enough. I called the doc and reported the latest readings and he still *insisted* that I go to the ER. It was either that or drop another $60 at his office to be seen for another reading and a dose adjustment. I did not have $60, I’d just dropped my entire unemployment check at his office at the initial visit, so this time I had no choice – I had to go to Lawnwood.

Checking into the ER, my initial reading put the staff on alert: 240/120 – Hypertensive Crisis. The previous afternoon’s reading was around 203/116 – I am willing to bet that just the thought of having to go to this hospital spiked it. Immediately, I was in a bed hooked up to a monitor, getting about a dozen vials of blood drawn, the works. The odd thing is, I *felt* fine, but this is why they call hypertension “The Silent Killer.” They ended up doing a chest X-ray on me and an EKG. Bloodwork came up clear, X-ray came up clear, I don’t know what the EKG said. After receiving additional medication, 3 hours later my BP had reduced to 174/91 – the lowest it’s been since this whole ordeal started. That was enough for them to discharge me with two new medications in a combo pill to be added to my original one.

Because of the urgency in getting those numbers down to stay, I have gone headfirst into the full dose of the new med(s). Since I lack a way of checking my BP at home (can not afford a home device), I have to go to a pharmacy or a fire station to get it checked for free. Driving right now is not an option, so it’ll have to wait until my head clears from the new med. What a headache this has all been, especially thinking of all the medical bills when I’m trying to survive on a tiny unemployment check that pays my rent but nothing else 😦

Never underestimate the rejuvenating benefits of just sleeping in. Looking for a full time job has been a full time job in itself, as has been catching up on housework (starting my Spring Cleaning early while I have the time). So this morning I wanted a break and didn’t turn my alarm on, just woke up when the body wanted to. Fed the fur-kids, played out back with the dog a bit, made myself a little breakfast and took my oatmeal, coffee and Kindle out to the front porch to just read the news and relax at my own pace. Came back in, washed the breakfast dishes and lit some incense to settle in at Ol’ Reliable (my 10-year old dinosaur of a computer) to just… write 🙂

Unfortunely, sleeping in did mean that I missed a very early message from a friend inviting me to breakfast (Sorry Alyn!) but I’m hoping I can see him later today since thanks to a foot injury (I’m a clutz), I ended up missing out on the reef volunteer work yesterday. The poor foot is still quite swollen and red and there isn’t a whole lot of movement in the outer toes. That happens when you somehow dislocate a toe.. then drop the edge of a desk on it that you’re relocating to a different room, THEN end up inadvertently kicking the corner of the bed that you’re balancing to make. Tellin’ ya.. I need to start wearing steel-toed shoes wherever I go. This foot has exactly three days to heal up proper though – at least enough for me to get decent shoes on – as I have two interviews coming up this week Wednesday and Thursday. Flip flops or fluffy slippers are NOT a viable option! (Actually, even the flip flops hurt at this point.)

So that’s my morning, as boring as it is. The dog snoring under my desk chair has the right idea. But you know… sometimes “boring” is a good thing. No drama, no rushing… yes please 🙂

Just had to share some pics from Tuesday Morning… All that white iciness? Yeh – that was my windshield lol!!! I had to de-ice my frikken car – it was EPIC I so love the cold, don’t get near enough of it. But, now that it’s warming up, the giddiness has subsided and I’m all…. whaaa I want snow! Not like… tons and tons of it… just… enough to play in ^_^

Scored me a good one that is :p OK, so I sound like a high schooler – don’t care. Spent another amazing weekend with the Joe and he’s just awesome. *WE* make a great team! The love, the laughs, the affection, the playfulness, (ok the sex is great too), the talks and sharing, I mean it’s all there. I’m happy, Kari’s happy, it’s so good to have something like this come together and really happen. He dropped the L word on me Wednesday night, in my half-sleep, softly in my ear, and I swear I felt my soul spring to life. He opens doors for me, lights my cigarettes, does all the little things that other guys don’t even think about. He keeps every plan we make. He tells me I’m amazing, and how, and shows his love and appreciation. He says it, he *shows* it, I am loving this.

Had a pretty full weekend here for a change, it was nice 🙂 Friday, Joe had to run over to Tampa for a family thing, but practically rushed back late Friday night to be able to come over (and woke me up when he did lol, although he *did* demand I take a nap before he got here). We were up til 5:30, it was great. At one point, we were standing out front for a smoke and I in my skirt and tank top was literally shivering but didn’t want to battle the kitten and dog trying to run out just to go in and get my jacket. Joe actually took off his shirt and offered it to me. Well, I didn’t know what to think of that, so I just said, “no really, I’m fine!” A little more shivering and he kinda playfully glared at me, went into his truck and pulled out my favourite hoodie (his big grey one) and made me put it on. Oh man, I was in heaven – it’s too big for me and smells like him. Then he wrapped his arms around me and I was warm and cozy and held tight – I haven’t felt that good in so long. We did go back inside eventually to watch a movie, but that got interrupted by other things… finally went to sleep just before sun-up.

Two hours later, Littlebit comes ambling out of the bedroom to find us deeply passed out on the futon. She managed to wake me up long enough to tell her yes, she could get breakfast and go on the computer. (She loves making her own breakfast, it makes her feel self-sufficient. Many times, she offers to make mine too and she does great!) I made it out of bed around 10 and let Joe sleep in a little longer. I loved watching him sleep, he was so tired 🙂 Had to force myself not to crawl back into bed with him though, it would have been too warm and cozy, I would have fallen back asleep and we had things to do!

Alyn had invited us out to a Civil War Reenactment that he was doing Saturday, so we all got ourselves together and headed cross-county to the Boys and Girl’s Club where they had the event. It was small, not a big turnout, but then it was put together in a short time and wasn’t very well advertised. Also, the cannon crew didn’t show up, so that was a disappointment. We had fun though, and there were quite a few older Veterans there happy to share their own war stories, passed down through generations in their own families. Nelson Winbush (center, below) held Joe captive in conversation for a good half hour as they discussed the history of African Americans as soldiers in the Civil War. You can view the Wikipedia article on his Grandfather HERE. Joe was right at home in the topic, as he wants to work to become a History professor. Ashamedly, I don’t know much about history. My interest was always in the Sciences, so I found myself mulling over the medical table for quite some time, mentally conjuring up the uses for the varied powders still in their original vials. I did have to keep my eyes away from the double-edged skin/bone saw however… the thought of amputation in the field just gave me chills.

Here are some shots from the event, including Littlebit, Joe, Alyn and his uncle Jim…

After the event wound down, we three headed out to the island for a late lunch and I was thrilled to see the Hurricane was back open after several months being closed for renovations. We miraculously landed a parking spot over by the jetty side and walked over for a good meal, then took a walk down the beach and out the jetty. The seas were exceptionally rough on the north side of the inlet, and the kite sailors were taking advantage of the strong winds. It was beautiful out, but Joe’s back was starting to hurt pretty bad (he’s had a couple major surgeries on it in the past 4 years), so we headed back to the apartment after a full day running around outside.

Back at home, Joe was in a lot of pain so he needed to head home and take something for his back and get some rest. Alyn had stopped over briefly to bring us a loaf of homemade banana nut bread (yummy!) but he wasn’t able to stay as he had a sun headache and had to give his sister a ride to work, so we called it a night.

Today is looking to be our typically lazy Sunday (and much-needed). Laundry calls, as well as a good scrub down of the dog. Maybe if Alyn is feeling better this afternoon, we can have a little fire out back and I’ll make some Chicken Alfredo for dinner.