Moose and the Darkness walk into a room…

I wanted to write about something a little more lighthearted than I sometimes do here. This is something that I’m sure the internet needs more of, namely cats. What’s that? You’ve seen cats on the internet before? You must be a veteran.

This is Artemis, our little monster. She has over time collected a series of nicknames. For a while we would say her name by stretching out the syllables which became “Ar-tea-moose!” Then over time the general stupification that comes along with having a cat left us just shouting “Moose!” like we had had a few too many to drink.

You’d think by all these pictures of her napping like an angel that she was, in fact, and angel. But oh no, you would be very wrong. She is most certainly an adorable little monster. She figured out that the quickest way to wake up her father when he’s sleeping on his back is to leap up onto the bed and falcon kick him in the balls.

This along with my general love of tummy sleeping is what leads me to never feel safe when I’m on my back. The monster is lurking and she will strike when you least expect it. Moose is a very audible cat, singing to nothing in particular, arguing with her reflection in our sliding glass doors, or just chirping like a crazed bird whenever she wants to play and even while she is playing.

Naturally Artemis is a little huntress. She loves to murderize all sorts of things like toys or…you know, her fathers socked feet. Sometimes I’ll come home and slip my shoes off just to have her bury all 10 of her front claws deep into my feet, kneading them with great delight as her tail goes full peacock.

Another of her nicknames is Marshmallow, for the simple reason that when she hides all her legs under her body she looks a bit like a slightly burned marshmallow. I don’t actually have any pictures of that on hand, after a quick glance the vast majority of pictures I have are of her sleeping on or around me.

She is not our only cat, most certainly, there is another that follows me like a shadow.

This is Venus, our little slice of darkness. Occasionally I call her as much “Come here Darkness” I’ll say, which surprisingly she’ll listen to quite often. Then again sometimes we merely need to lock eyes, or I can stretch, or the chair can squeak, or I can yawn.

Honestly she doesn’t need much reason to come rub up on me or to figure 8 around my legs. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve nearly fallen down the stairs because she bolts out to rub my legs and forms a wall just at tripping height for me.

Oh sweet mother of god where did she come from! [The cardboard is to protect my PC cords from these two. They >love< munching on electronics. Kind of a problem.]

That’s a situation that happens all too often. She’s utterly silent most of the time, letting out little chirps or squeaks of excitement when she sees we are up for giving tummy rubs or even just a little bit of cuddle time. Otherwise she lurks, hiding in any crevice of darkness available.

Sometimes you’ll look out into pitch black and see an even darker spot, in that spot two little golden orbs will begin to glow and that is when you realize…you are being watched.

Other times she’s not as stealthy. Taking the more blunt approach to wanting to hang out. These are some of my favorite times. Games are fun, movies are neat, and music is nice. But there is never a time when I wouldn’t rather be giving Venus a good cuddling. She’s my little sweetheart.

Occasionally when I’m rubbing her belly she’ll get really excited and start to bunny kick and give me a nice chomp. If I flinch in any way she’ll immediately stop and start licking the spot she hurt. It’s cute and I appreciate her concern.

Artemis by contrast will go in for blood and flaunt her success after the fact.

Venus has a few nicknames naturally, just like Artemis, I call her Darkness, Shadow, Black Bean, Venusaur (oh so clever), and occasionally I call her Scoots.

Our little hole in the floor has an unfortunate condition that makes her very susceptible to stresses. She’s not dissimilar from me in that respect but she has to content with very long fur. So if her digestion goes wild and we aren’t there to help her clean up, our floor suffers the consequences. It’s very very rare and the orange pet cleaner stuff seems to take care of it in a jiffy.

I knew this when we adopted her and I’m glad she got a home with humans that understand. She’s so painfully sweet that I couldn’t imagine her being with someone mean.

Both of our cats despise any kind of combing. Helping groom them is about as easy as shaving a grizzly bear. They will try to eat whatever comb you are using and will kick and punch the crap out of you until you stop. The tantrums are adorable.

Venus sheds a bit like a Husky, large patches of fur leave at one time. They’ve both been to the vet and have clean bills of health but I must admit long haired cats are incredible shedding machines. If we could figure out a way to convert cat hair into gasoline I suspect we’d be set for life.

I’ll leave you with a couple more sleeping pictures of our kids. Venus in her default “Here’s ma tummy” stance and Artemis in her “I love my tail more than anything.” stance.

She is such a long kitty cat. She’ll take belly rubs for basically as long as you’ll give them. [The shiny thing is my 3DS Stylus. I was playing Etrian Odyssey 4 and Venus told me it was time for belly rubs.]

Moose is incredibly attached to her tail. She will groom it for ages on end and it never seems to be perfect enough for her.

So there you go. That’s my little cat update. Artemis, Moose, Marshmallow, Monster, Venus, Venusaur, Darkness, Black Bean, Scoots, or whatever other random word flies out of our minds while playing with these two, their names might change but their sweet crazy quirkiness maintains.