January 15, 2010

The Hub Discovery Brand Network Kids Hasbro Dynamic DNA Concept Fail

My first The Hub was the expensive, preppie men's clothing store in Raleigh when I was growing up. I got no beef with them. In fact, I still have my first three-figure handknit sweater, which I purchased there in 1984. Worth every penny.

My next The Hub, The Hub 2.0, was one of the Internet's first Hopelessly Uncool "Content For 20-somethings!" Joint Venture, a useless, idealess, synergy bastard of AOL and Time Warner's New Line Television. When they brought me in to interview to run it, the belligerent suit saw BYU on my resume, and scoffed that a Mormon might not be "cool enough to handle" The Hub. Then he pulled up a bunch of pictures on his monitor of--I shit you not--bikini babes posing with dial-up modems.

From the press release for The Hub 3.0, the toyed-up replacement for the Discovery Kids Channel set to launch this fall, I don't think there's much question which precedent they're following:

The Hub will offer young viewers and their families novel and compelling content, ranging from new comedies and animated adventures to live-action franchises and game shows -- all celebrating the core childhood concepts of fun and play. The network's tone will be thrilling, modern and dynamic, both on-air and online. These qualities are represented by The Hub's spiral logo, which symbolizes a catalyst of action and imagination. In addition, the network will benefit from the strong DNA of its two parent companies, Discovery and Hasbro, which share a 50/50 partnership in the venture.

First off, there's absolutely nothing thrilling, modern, OR dynamic about that logo, even if they say it's pronounced "Hoob." And the only "core childhood concept" The Hub seems set to catalyze is using 22-minute infomercials to launch the more Transformers- and My Little Pony-scale franchises into your kid's brain.