Thinking differently!!!

A few days ago I went to Nicole’s classmates house. I went there to ask some questions from the mother of her classmate. I guess one day last week Nicole had no class because the class coordinator had some meeting to attend to. He told his students that they can go to school the next day, just go to the other section and stay there for the class, but they’re not obliged to do it. Just a few students showed up at all. One of them was Nicole, our youngest daughter. Well, I guess instead of attending the class Nicole our daughter and her classmates decided that they would rather go to one of their classmates house, whose house was just walking distance from the school.

Nicole with DJ

The problem on that situation. We have rules in the house that whenever the kids go somewhere they have to inform us where they will be going. That’s why everyone in the house has cell phone. If cell phone is dead, they can go to the office in school to call from their land line phone there to our phone in the house. Or use a pay phone. So Nicole had a problem, she went somewhere and she did not inform us. So a few days ago I went to the house where Nicole went. I want to know the parents of that kid and we want them knowing us too. Nicole can also invite classmates to our house sometimes, but we want the parents’ approval.

So when we went to the house (me, my niece and Nicole). I asked to see the mom of Nicole’s classmate. I guess she went somewhere and would be back in a short while, which she did after awhile. The person there at the house was the grandmother. I guess she usually takes care of the kids sometimes since they were living in the same house. She could tell on my face that I had some concerned. Just then the mom showed up. So I talked to the mom in-front of the grandmother. Honestly they’re nice people but we just had different views in life. When I told them about my concern for Nicole. My statement: “Just asking did Nicole come here a few days ago? My husband and I don’t have problem with our kids going to their classmates house, only thing they have to inform us and let us know where they’re going to and whose house and who are the people in the house? Also is it okay for the parents for them to be there?”. The reply of the grandmother to me – “it’s okay they came here no problem since its just a walking distance from school anyway. Also they’re just kids they want to hang out where they want to hang out.” I told her it’s not okay for us. Nicole has to inform us first before going anywhere. She has to follow what she was told.

The mom of Nicole’s classmate told me that her daughter did the same thing. Went to her classmate without permission. She said they had to close their shop (store) to get their daughter. I told her the concern that she’s feeling when her daughter went without asking her, that’s how Bob & I felt. So I know she understood how Bob & I reacted. But I could tell that the grandmother thinks that I over reacted. I felt she thinks that I should let Nicole go somewhere without telling us since she’s just hanging out with her friends. I told her anything could happened on the way to there house. Nicole could have an accident while walking there. So many jeepneys passing by on the way to there house. I continue on telling her that Nicole is 10 years old. We will guide her and show her that being a concerned parent show her that we love her so much. To be honest Bob and I will continue what the rules we have here in the house.

I’ve seen parents here let their kids be out late at night during school days. Bob & I don’t want our kids (that goes to school) to be partying or hanging out with their friends during weekdays. Our students here at the house have a curfew. Our 2 teens (Aaron & Jean) now are allowed to hang out during night time with their friends during weekdays here at the house as long as they toned down their voices when our other kids (the students) are in bed.

Like Bob told me after talking what happened. We don’t give rules to other kids. But we let our kids know that we have rules to be followed here in the house. It’s just simple and easy. We let them go somewhere with their friends as long as we know where their going. Bob & I even encouraged them to bring their friends here at home. Sometimes they eat dinner here. No problem. We know the feeling, we’ve been students before too.

Anyway, Nicole knows now that she has to follow the rules and she learned her lesson. I think. 🙂 Hopefully she will not be influenced by her friends. We don’t want to be too strict too.

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.

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About Feyma

Feyma Martin is a Columnist here on the Live in the Philippines Web Magazine, she is the wife of site Publisher, Bob Martin. Feyma is originally from the Philippines, but went to the USA for 10 years after marrying Bob in 1990. Bob & Feyma moved to the Philippines to live permanently in 2000.

Comments

Hi Feyma, we’re still living here in the States and the kids are grown now but your rules make perfect sense to me. Maybe the young girls Nanay is thinking of how it was when she was young, less traffic, less strangers and less dangers. Whether here in the States, or Europe, or there in the Philippines, things and people are changing and it’s no longer safe to let little ones wander around with no supervision.
SteveC

I understand completely where you are coming from. I wish there were more parents who would keep tabs on their children. Part of our job as parents is to protect them. Boundaries and rules are needed. I used to do that with my son when he was little. I would create an out of bounds area. I’d tell him you can’t go past this point or that point. This way I could watch him from my patio door.

I was a stickler on rules but only to keep him safe. As he would become older and show responsibility then he got more rain, but he was never able to go someplace without first consulting with me. Your kids are very lucky to have you both as parents.

The precautions you both take are protective and loving in nature. Kudos to you both!!!

Feyma, I know how you feel. While my wife and I do not have children, we have nieces that spend a lot of time with us. They are constantly not following our rules, and I am always reminding them that they exist. Just yesterday we went to the mall. It was just me and four nieces. Three of them took off on me up the stairs while I was waiting for the ATM machine. When they returned after my insistence, I brought them close and told them they ahd to stay nearby me.

When we were in the car, I told them that we have rules for their safety, not because we are trying to be mean. I reminded the youngest about the man that tried to get her to go with him for 5 pesos. Luckily, 5 pesos isn’t much to her since I give her more than that. 🙂

But they need to know that it is a serious thing to violate rules. There are consequences to it. Sometimes the consequences are VERY bad, and might lead to them being kidnapped or killed.

I know that it is a lot for a child to know, but it is for their own protection. Some might not agree with my views, but it is from the eyes of someone that has seen more than I care to remember. And I don’t want anything bad happening to these kids.