Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Only 527 Days until Election Day

Well, it's that time of year again. A new presidential race is getting cranked up and we, the citizens of the United States of America, couldn't be more excited about embarking on 18+ months of being bombarded with ads, speeches, mudslinging, news coverage, junk mail, robo-calls during dinner, yard signs, and televised announcements and debates interrupting our regularly scheduled programming.

As these politicians announce their candidacies, one by one, and coverage starts to heat up, I'd like to give them all a few, bipartisan reminders from us, the voters.

1) Always bring your spouse along with you and have them speak on your behalf on the campaign trail. We may be unsure about you, but we know we can trust them to tell us the truth. Oh, wait........scratch that. It may depend on what your definition of "truth" is. Anyway, throw in some well-behaved children and a grandchild or two and you'll really start to gain ground. Having your family dressed in flag colors also adds additional bonus points.

2) Always hold the babies. Don't lick the babies, Senator, but holding is good. There is something endearing to us about someone who will take time to hold our children for a quick picture, however awkwardly you may do it.

3) Be sure to remember that holding babies does not, however, carry over to holding other men's wives and teenage daughters. Ahem, Mr. Vice President. Let's not try to push the envelope with the holding a baby thing. Your definition of a "babe" is a little broad for comfort.

4) And for your own good, try to keep animated facial expressions to a minimum. They will find their way onto billboards and social media feeds, emblazoned with an unflattering caption before the light of morning.

5) Don't forget to remind us that you're just like us. You put your pants on one leg at a time. We like when we see that you, too, drink Big Gulps and eat at Chipotle. We like that you're down to earth like us.......we often wear our sunglasses at night to eat chicken burrito bowls, as well.

6) Let us see you in everyday life, so we can connect with you better. I mean....we like to know that you chug beer, dig footings, and run in fuchsia shorts like other red blooded Americans.

7) And never, ever pass up a chance to be photographed with a gun. You may or may not know what you're doing, but it could help you as we're partial to the second amendment. This will boost your poll numbers in the South, especially.

8) We like to see you get in there and do some good, old-fashioned hard work.....at least, until the cameras are gone. We favor a politician, who isn't afraid to get his/her hands dirty for a few minutes.

9) Eat everything that is put in front of you. Even if you have to eat things that would make your personal chef faint and fall over. It's gross, we know, but it shows the common people that you're not out of touch. You have to squeeze the bottle, Hillary.....oh, and it's called chicken, Mr. President......you don't eat that hard thing in the middle.

10) Always promise that you will put an end to government waste! We want to hear you speak passionately about how you're going to stop the out of control spending. Assure us that there will be no squander or misuse of our money on your watch.....and then we'll all have a big laugh and go home.

11) Never fail to mention global warming and reducing ecological footprints in your speeches......just before you get back on your private jets and fly back to one of your modest homes. We love that.

12) Don't forget to pack the flags. We love the American flag, so the more you surround yourself with, the better! We know that the number of flags around you directly correlates with your love of country. So, if you have a lot of flags on site, we know that you'd never do anything to harm your beloved America.............unless there was something in it for you or your career or your district or your party or your friends or your wallet, of course.

13) Always find someone in the crowd of factory workers or school teachers that you can pretend to know! This makes us feel like you rub shoulders with all walks of life. "Hey, Lisa! Haven't seen you since we worked at the Piggly Wiggly! How are you, girl?"

14) If your numbers start dropping in the polls, just send a friend out with some made-up gibberish about the other candidate not paying taxes for 10 years. We'll fall for that every time.....but be careful because, sometimes, what goes around has a way of coming back and smacking you in the eye.

15) Never let a good disaster pass you by. Be the first on the scene at any sign of calamity. You'll be all up in the way and a serious distraction from where the attention really needs to be focused, but it will do your numbers a world of good. Never forget.....it's all about the numbers........I mean the people. Yeah, the people.

16) We implore you to cut down on the gaffes. It tires us to have to listen to endless recounts, clips, and analysis on every channel of what you said and what a sexist, anti-American, bigoted, out of touch, uneducated fool you must be. We do receive some enjoyment from the SNL skits, but, please, measure your words carefully for the love of all humanity.

17) And let's try to keep our scandals to a minimum, shall we? These things always have a way of coming out eventually. Just ask Herman and John......and Bill and Anthony and Newt and Eliot and Gary and.......well, we don't have time to list everybody. Al didn't make the internet big enough for that. You know who you are.

18) And last but not least, we know that some of you are good, decent people and you head to D.C. with the best of intentions, but 99% of you, Republican and Democrat alike, lose your minds about 5 minutes after getting there. As soon as you drop your bags onto the floor, your ability to relate to us mysteriously vanishes. Your level headedness, straight thinking, and common sense all ooze out of your pores and evaporate into thin air, rendering you out of touch and part of the problem. We don't know if it's the intoxication of power, money, lavish living, the crony system, or the lack of transparency that causes you all to forget about the people you represent, but you do......almost every, single time.

I also want you to know that there is a hunger among us for integrity.....for bravery, honor, and honesty. We want leaders, who we can actually believe. At this point, we'd be happy with just one, single, truthful word that we could really trust. We want someone to have the courage to do the right thing.....to stand up against their party, if they have to, and fight for what's best for this ailing nation. Forget your career security, the next election, the polls, your party allegiance, your cronies, and just do what's best for America and our children and grandchildren. We want real leaders, who will have what it takes to make the tough decisions for a better future. Someone who will speak the truth. Someone who will speak for us.....who will be the voice for how we feel.

Most of us are hard working people, who get discouraged when we see the money coming out of our checks and then watch the news to see the IRS taking bubble baths and sipping champagne bought with it. Yeah, you have hearings and committees and subpoenas and horrible things are brought to light, but that's where it ends. Meetings are adjourned. People are reassigned or given paid leave. There's no accountability or integrity or consequence. Honesty is extinct. Taking responsibility is not necessary. It's enough to make the rest of us, who live in the real world, want to pull our hair out by the bloody handfuls and scream at the top of our lungs until we faint from exhaustion.

And though we're made to feel like we're the minority, my feeling is that most of us are God-fearing people, who believe this nation has been blessed so richly, because it was built on a Christian foundation. Most of us believe it functions most effectively and smoothly when we have a true, unchanging moral compass. More and more, each day, we're labeled as old-fashioned, out of touch, and narrow-minded. Tolerance for everyone and every group is stringently required......except for us. We see our nation drifting further and further from its founding principles and we are grieving.

It would do you and the rest of us a lot of good if, after you've shut the door to your new offices, you drop down to your knees and ask for divine guidance from the One, who is much more powerful than you. Yes, there is power greater than yours. Ask Him for His help, because He is more wise than you. Yes, there is wisdom greater than yours. Ask Him to give you discernment and to give you courage to stand firm on the side of right......not just firmly on your side of the aisle. Ask Him to guide you in the decisions that you make that affect millions of people, their present, and their future. You can't do this alone and expect good results.

In return, the Christians of this nation will pray for you......and for us. It's promised that if we assume a posture of repentance and humility and dependence before the One who gave us this great nation, then He will heal our land.

We want you to succeed in your jobs. We want you to make a difference. We want you to represent us. We're in this together.

Just, please, give us something. Let us see a glimmer of hope up there. Let us hear stories of sacrifice, self-denial, conviction, cooperation, hard choices, going against the grain, uprightness, fairness, restraint, strict standards, responsibility, morality.......anything good. Please, give us something in which we can gleam a little bit of faith in you again.

7 comments:

Excellent post Joni, you touched every topic about running for President, or any office. Everyone should read this post. What really concerns me is what's happening around the world with Christians. Kathleen in Az

Joni, your blog is actually the last I turn to each day because I save the best for last! I am never disappointed by what you have shared with us. What a God-given gift you have for expressing humor, wisdom, empathy, reflection, trivia--the list is unending, but the delight you give us in every post is immeasurable! I hope there is a book in your future, because I would be first in line to buy it. I would love a compilation of your blog posts, too! Your wonderful words bring me great joy. You make me believe that we would be friends if we lived closer! Thank you for sharing with us! (I just reread this and I think I sound like some kind of stalker, but I promise that I am just a mostly normal wife, mother, and grandmother who loves Jesus, my husband, and Auburn!)

jeejee, you just made my day! Thank you! That means a lot to me.....really it does! And I'm sure we would be friends if we were closer.....except maybe on Auburn/MSU game day :) Thanks again for the encouragement!

Awww.....thank you, Funky Kim! I'm so glad you found me, too! I hope you'll tell your friends to visit, too. And you are so right about the Palin quote. It's just what I found on Google images of political gaffes. Everything they say is scrutinized, exaggerated, and ridiculed. I don't know why anyone in their right mind would ever run!