Hit the jump for the very real talent involved in this very unreal fiasco sure to sing and dance its way to the depths of FAIL.

Really, you have to admire (or perhaps that’s pity) the folks involved in “Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark.”

The musical will have none other than Tony Award-winner Julie Taymor (“The Lion King,” “Across The Universe”) directing as well as sharing writing credits with Glen Berger. And because it wouldn’t be a musical without some choice ditties, U2’s Bono and the Edge will cough up craft music and lyrics for this “Bye Bye Birdie” for the Marvel U.

Too bad you could put Bono himself in the webs and swing him over the stage like Sandy Duncan and you’d still be singing the Spider-Man theme to an empty house. Seriously, I doubt even Tony-award winning Wolverine himself Hugh Jackman could save this Titanic in tights from sinking.