Comparsies

I think by our early twenties we’ve all come to the unanimous decision that comparison is the thief of joy, and I can honestly say I live by that motto (most of the time). I’ve never been one of those bloggers that gets too caught up in the comparison game. So “Blogger X” has a younger blog than mine and more Instagram followers? Whatever. So “Blogger Y” doesn’t know the difference between “You’re” and “Your” and just signed a book deal? Okay. I love blogging and social media, I’m addicted even but for whatever reason (thankfully) I’ve never fallen into the trap of comparing myself to other bloggers. We’re all on our own paths and just because one girl reaches internet fame while I’m over here like “Mom when are you going to start reading my blog?!” doesn’t mean I’m not a talented writer or a worthy blogger. We’re all on our own paths and I’m pretty much okay with that.

The same cannot be said in my “real life” all the time. Though I live a life I am proud of (and happy with), I go through times that leave me deflated and unfulfilled. I currently have two close friends staying in our spare bedroom. I understand the ins and outs of their relationship as much as you really can without being “in it”. I know their relationship isn’t perfect-no one’s is! I see their relationship and I can’t help but compare it to my own.

I think to myself “it must be nice to have a boyfriend who is home by 6:00 every night”, to have a relationship that must only withstand a 9:00-5:00 schedule rather than the nonstop workaholic ways of a small business owner (my boyfriend, not me). I think “how much happier would I be if I had someone to eat dinner with each night?”. I start comparing the aspects of my relationship that are lacking but fail to realize that there are separate parts of this other relationship that would not be ideal (or even acceptable) to me. As I spiral into a sad place where I am forced to dwell on eating pizza alone and falling asleep watching Gilmore Girls, I fail to recognize that I get to sleep next to my BFF every single night (even if he is stumbling in from the office at 1:30 in the morning). I fail to recognize that I have found someone who truly understands my soul, and as a self proclaimed “misfit” who feels misunderstood by practically everyone, understanding is key.

I say all of this not to boast “my relationship is better than yours”, because that sort of statement is just silly (and juvenile). However, I can say with 100% certainty that my relationship IS better for me. I think women have a much more difficult time comparing themselves (and their relationships) than men. Women share this emotional intimacy with our besties that allows us to be so open and raw and candid. The friendship I share with my best girl friends is amazing and I feel so thankful for these wonderful women. Yet, I think this idea of “twinning” in all arenas of life with my friends can sometimes be damaging. No matter how much I love matching my best friends, gossiping and falling asleep giggling in the same bed…our lives aren’t parallel universes. The older I get the more I realize I won’t ever be in the exact same place (or mind frame) as my best friends and that doesn’t mean we aren’t close, it just means we are unique people with unique experiences that form our characters. It’s okay that my dating life is different than my friends, and it’s okay that I’m okay with that. Just as with blog followers and sponsorship opportunities and Instagram fame, the right path for me in a relationship is different than the right path for one of my best friends.

Moving forward I’m vowing to stop expecting my life to look like a duplicate of anybody else’s! What fun would life be if we were all expected to travel the same journey? Have you ever become wrapped up in comparing one arena of your life to that of other people? How did you combat the negative emotions?

Wise words! I really like what you said about life being boring if everybody was expected to travel the same journey. I used to beat myself up about cross country when I was a competitive runner. I got so frustrated because so many people seemed to be running further, faster, and more frequently than I. Once I started to run recreationally, I developed a much more positive relationship with exercise!

Thank you for this post! Honestly, I needed this reminder so badly. Comparison is the thief of joy according to a Pinterest quote I saw! ;) But seriously, you’re absolutely right! I honestly have combatted some of the comparison bug by unfollowing blogs or instagram accounts that I felt would always bring me down when I compared my life to theirs. It’s actually been really helpful. xoxo

Deflated and unfulfilled. Two words that I’ve been feeling lately, not about anything specific, just my life. Everything is good, but I just feel like this for some reason. In a funk, I guess. Sadly, I still find myself at times comparing myself to others, especially when I’m scrolling through social media. I know it’s a bad habit and I remind myself this…yet my mind wanders there. I think all of ours do, so if you have that in check, you are ahead of the curve, by far. Being so immersed in everyone’s lives means that I need to practice more perspective and to remember we all mostly share the “highlight reel”. Great post and reminder for me…and probably all your readers! xoxo, ganeeban

I struggle with comparing myself to others too. Sometimes I think I’m not as successful as some of my peers, or my relationship is worse because it’s long distance and we are far apart all the time. But whenever I feel that way I always think that what I have makes me happy and that’s the most important thing.

I really needed to hear this tonight. I complain way too much about how I live an unconventional schedule and I hate it. I feel FOMO from seeing others being with their beaus or doing other things than work. I really needed this, thanks love.

Oh we’re opposites! I don’t mind too much about my outside life, but when it comes to blogging I’m always comparing. I feel like I don’t have enough klout, or that people don’t enjoy what I’m reading. I think that your optimism about the subject is good, we shouldn’t compare our present situations to anyone else’s! I know that Louie CK has a great quote about this, something about only looking into your neighbors bowl to see if they have enough – in other words not to compare. Plus, I think that you’re a wonderful blogger! I love reading your posts :)

I feel you girl! I actually do ‘comparsies’ in both parts of my life…blogging and in the real world. I definitely agree with you that it can very quickly completely suck up any joy you are feeling in that moment as you are taken up with comparing your life or blog to someone else’s. It resonated with me when you talked about how your relationship is 100% better for you. I like that outlook and want to start using it more when I get the urge to compare. Thanks girl<3

I have a terrible habit of comparing myself to others. I really need to work on quitting that because its not worth getting discouraged over. Everyone works at a different pace and I need to remember that. One of my favorite quotes that I feel fits well in this situation is “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” Totally fitting for this post, don’t you think?

This is seriously just the cutest! I fall into this in my relationship, too. My boyfriend is my best friend, and we’re perfect for each other- but I still fall into the trap sometimes of wishing he’d be all over social media sometimes like my friends’ boyfriends!

Amen girl. I used to be really bad with this, but I’m getting better. I wrote a whole post about how I deleted FB because I just didn’t want to worry about keeping up anymore (and then I started a blog LOL) with all the “oh look whose married, and buying a house and has 100 cute babies!” I’m on my own path and it is going to be different than anyone else’s, even if we are friends. It’s a hard thing to learn. Also, I hear you on the boyfriend coming home late. I eat dinner by myself most nights too. My husband drives me crazy because he is so invested in his job, and sometimes I wish that he wasn’t…but I also know that I love him for it and I’m proud of him. Thank god we have dogs right ;)

I am right there with you! I can’t help but feel a pang of jealously when I see that someone’s boyfriend sent them flowers “just because”, and I completely lose sight of all of the spontaneous little trips my boyfriend takes me on.

My boyfriend also works crazy hours, and it drives me insane, but I appreciate knowing that he’s doing it now so that by the time we have children, we’ll be financially stable enough that he won’t have to.

I compare myself to everything a lot! Sometimes I do my relationship just because I don’t live with my fiance yet. But we are saving for our first house, which also means moving to a new state. It’s rough but you are right, everyone’s journey is different. ENJOY your journey ♥

I have a really bad habit of comparing myself to other bloggers as well, but I just have to remember everything that I’ve achieved in my career and set goals for myself to grow in the future! And amen girl, your own life is fabulous — no need to be a dupe of someone else’s life!

I really liked this post! This is definitely something that I struggle with in my “blog life” but not so much my everyday life. I have to remind myself that my blogging life should be no different than the rest of my life in that comparison is just useless. It is like comparing two wildly different apple and oranges together and expecting them to somehow be the same. Just not possible.

I can relate to this post on so many levels. That is one of my biggest downfalls, I always catch myself comparing my life to someone elses. It kills your self-esteem. I have tried to stop doing it, but no matter what I always compare. It only makes me more miserable! I’m working on it though!