Wednesday, January 11, 2012

OHHH, MEXICO (*also titled: melissa's gratuitous complaining)

Warning: It's a long one. Maybe it's because it's a new year and people tend to reflect during this time, but I have been doing quite a few wordy introspective posts in between the regularly scheduled visual inspiration pieces in 2012. You guys will have to let me know what you think, because the last thing I want is for you to be so bored with these lengthy ruminations that you fall asleep mid-post and get drool all over your pretty little laptops. I guess I've just been in the mood to share my thoughts. You guys are just so awesome that I feel comfortable doing so, and that rocks. xo, m

In less two weeks, I'm heading to Mexico for a week with the husband's band. They play a music festival every winter that takes place down there (and Jamaica, in years previous to 2011). And although he and the boys have to work for much of it, it's an awfully nice break from the midwest winter for us wives and girlfriends who tag along. That said, I could sit here and tell you guys how overwhelmingly excited I am. I could go on and on about all the cute little summer dresses I'm going to pack and how much I'm looking forward to fun in the sun and all that. In theory, I probably should go that route, because who wants to put their feet up with a nice hot cup of tea and read a blog brimming with unnecessary whining? I really do prefer to stick to blogging about positive things, because in the end, focusing on the positive is the best way to live. I also like to think of Bubby and Bean as a special place where people can come and get inspired and leave feeling motivated and cheerful. I must be feeling a little sassy today though, because instead of being all glass-half-full, I'm just going to be honest, and cross my fingers that I don't come off as a brat. Because I'm not a brat, I promise. Except when I have a migraine or the temperature drops below 20 or I'm stuck in traffic on I-90 at rush hour or I catch someone littering. But other than that, I think I'm a pretty grateful person who is lucky to have, for the most part, a really awesome life.

So here's the truth. Even though I am warm weather's #1 fan, I'd rather skip this trip completely, kidnap Robbie from work, and go hibernate in a cabin for a weekend. Or even take a long day trip, just the two of us, to go antiquing or something equally boring to most people. I'd even happily settle for a staycation with blankets, fondue and movie marathons. Don't get me wrong - I very much appreciate that I have the opportunity to accompany my husband to a resort in the Caribbean. I'm just not feeling as enthusiastic about it as I should be feeling.

I can't quite pinpoint any one reason for this aloofness. I do know that I'm a little sad about the reason for which I'm able to go on this trip in the first place. I was supposed to sit this year out to take care of Bubby dog, and when he passed away, we managed to find a last minute flight and squeeze me in. This isn't the main reason for my lack of excitement though, because Bubby was pretty much the happiest creature that ever lived, and I know he'd be psyched that mom was getting away to somewhere so sunshine-y after having to say goodbye to him. Maybe it's partly the fact that it's another work trip (albeit a very cool one), and deep down I know that it's technically an obligation rather than a choice. I'm very lucky in that I've been able to travel to some seriously incredible places (hello Australia and France!) because of Robbie's job. But for me, the most amazing trip I could possibly take at this point would be pretty much anywhere, as long as it was just the two of us. Keep in mind, we spend six months out of the year apart, and almost every holiday is spent either together at his work, or apart. We've been together for over 5 years, and have never had a "normal" trip or vacation together. (Side note: I know a lot of people don't get to take vacations at all. We're both wanderlusters though, and travel was a huge part of lives even before we met, so it's really important to us. Add to this the whole half-the-year apart thing, and it would be extra appreciated to get spend some of the time we do have together doing something we both enjoy so much. Just sayin'.) We didn't go on a honeymoon because his work schedule was too crazy, and we wanted to save money, and we didn't want to leave Bubby alone. And that's okay. But when I wish upon shooting stars or blow out birthday candles, I always hope for a little downtime with my favorite boy away from our house, doing something simply because we enjoy it - for us.

I guess if I really had to identify one main cause for my indifferent attitude, it would be my very strong desire to go somewhere where I could actually relax. I'd do just about anything to get away to somewhere simple, and peaceful, and quiet, and good for the soul. It sounds easy, I know, but things are a little more complicated when you factor in our abnormal work schedules. (What's a weekend?) I daydream about sitting on a porch swing with Robbie, easing our weary minds through silence and wine and good food and books. You know - just a modest little vaca with no late night work schedules, no large groups of people around at all times, no music 'til the sun comes up, and no screaming drunk people barfing off balconies at 4 AM. (Please do not be offended, fans of the band and/or festival goers who may be reading this. I was once a young, barfing music fan too, and we want you to have the best time ever, I swear.).

Maybe I'm just getting old.

Regardless of the reason, I'm going, and I know that I'll have a good time. (Venting to my readers through sarcasm and attempts at humor helped; thanks guys!). I may be sick of only getting to leave this city these days if it's to accompany my husband to his job, and I may be sad about why I'm able to go, and I may need to buy extra strength earplugs and dark sunglasses to block out my surroundings so I can pretend I'm in a Corona commercial, but I'm going to look at the bright side of things (literally) and enjoy myself, damn it. Also, let's face it. I don't HAVE to go. I could sit here in this empty house, and cry myself to sleep while watching videos of Bubby, and bundle up in five layers of clothing each time I trek outside while my husband manages a stage on a beach in between eating mangoes and working on his tan. (For the second time this month, mind you. Did I mention that as I type this he's working a festival on a cruise ship in the Caribbean? True story.) In the end, I'm going because we want to be together, and late work schedules/loud wasted people aside, we're going to get to wake up together each morning, and walk outside (barefoot) to be greeted by palm trees and tropical flowers. It's going to be nice, even if it's not exactly what I want or think I need right now. And maybe in the spring when the band has some time off, we can take a nice long drive to the most boring little town we can find, turn off our phones, and take our first real vacation alone together. A girl can dream. :)

Before I conclude this novel, I wanted to point out the pictures dotted throughout this post. Last year, we were able to leave a couple of days early for this festival, and met some of our besties in a town about an hour away. It was pretty awesome to get to explore outside the strange confines of all-inclusive resort land, especially the Mayan Ruins. We took hundreds of photographs, and I thought it would be fun to include some of them in this post, as reminder to myself of how beautiful the area is. Plus, I figured that pictures of pretty places would make my whining slightly more bearable for you guys. Hopefully it worked!

Have any of you been to Mexico? Do you like taking big group vacations, or do your prefer quiet trips closer to home? Anyone else have a partner in the music industry? ;)

My husband and I just got back from Jamaica (just the two of us) and your post got me craving that Caribbean sun again- I want to go back!! While we were there we talked about how much we loved having just the two of us time but also talked about how it would be fun to travel with some friends. I decided that if we ever did do a trip with friends I would just have to warn them- some nights, or maybe even most, I just might not feel like going out- and that's okay. We spent almost every night in, watching movies together and just enjoying us. I felt guilty about it for about 2 seconds- we should be exploring the night life! But then I realized this was how WE did vacation, and I couldn't have been happier.

As much as I loooove your DIYs and inspiration posts I've also really enjoyed reading your reflective posts!!! Your writing is fun to read and I think it's a good mix, it shows your personal side and it makes me feel like I can relate!! I don't think you're complaining in the post, I'm not sure I could handle so much of my life being my husbands job or always music stuff. Sure it super fun and exciting to other people but we aren't living it!!! I totally think you deserve a relaxing trip with your man and I hope you get to take one soon. :-) :-) :-)

I freakin' love mexico. While I understand that the "work" part of it makes it seem like it's not a vacation (i've had my share of them) just remember that you get to do it with your husband. Most people don't get to take work vacations with their loved ones! Also, it's Mexico! (It's like my favorite place, cheap beer! beaches! salsa!)

i have been on ONE little weekend trip with my boyfriend of 3 years, so i feel u on needed some alone time with your man. try and schedule something, even if it's far in advanced with just the two of you. it is important to have alone time! i am sure you will love mexico tho, i am pretty jealous of that!

Thanks for the comments guys! I think more than anything, it's such a different lifestyle to have a partner with a career in the music industry. Our life is fun and unique, but we are apart for 6 months out of the year, and every holiday, trip, etc (with the exception of christmas) is spent either together at his job while he works, or apart. So having some downtime with just the two of away from the house is a very rare occurrence. I love our life - it is exciting and interesting, to say the least! The initial sparkle of such a crazy lifestyle does fade though, and any little bit of "normal" you can get it so appreciated. :)

The funniest part about this post is that you actually sound a lot like me. I am SO into stay-cations. I love home and I love relaxation and it seems like very "vacation" that I have been on was fun but NOT relaxing. I feel you - really. Your tremendous loss is probably playing a part in your feelings of wanting to be home and that is totally ok. More power to you for being honest and recognizing your feelings.

Hugs - Brandi

PS - thank you so much for stopping by my blog. It was super cool to hear that you enjoyed my post!

I think a lot of what you're feeling is just natural as you get older and settle down. Being at the party or in the scene or whatever gets less and less appealing. But it's better for you to go right now instead of staying home and missing Bubby. I'm sure you'll be able to find a little alone time together. And you could probably use some time to relax on the beach, even if Robbie can't be with you the whole time. xo

I can see what you mean, I suppose the way to do this is to reframe it. Rather than 'the romantic vacation that never will be' you could turn it into a solo photography opportunity, or find something to do in the town where you're going that's not resort/tourist related? Maybe find a cool intensive Spanish course or something like that?

Where are you going exactly? I've spent tons of time in Mexico, I went to two universitites, one in Colima and one in Veracruz, and have been to most of the big cities and surrounding areas, if you want to talk about things to do definitely email me (novaisawesome at gmail dot com), I can share some ideas.

Nova, it's in Puerto Morelos in the "Mayan Riviera." Unfortunately, we can't leave the resort unless it's for one of the festival's group excursions, but I like the photography idea, even if it has to be on the resort grounds! Last year was awesome because we went down a couple of days early on our own and met up with some other friends in Playa Del Carmen. So we did a ton of stuff in those 48 hours where we were actually able to experience the culture. All-inclusive resorts definitely have their perks, but they definitely lack the cultural experience of actually visiting a country.

I haven't been to Mexico, but would love to see it in all it's tropical glory. Any place that is on the ocean, has a beach with lovely weather, and a total tropical vibe is my kind of vacation spot. We haven't had a real vacation for quite some time either. I totally get you wanting to wake up next to yous hubs in the morning. Being apart just sucks. Been there done that, not fun.

dear melissa, you need a vacation, even if you anticipated, it won't be. whatever it will be, i can guarantee an adventure. i bet you'll be creatively stimulated. you may actually have some quiet moments, perhaps? won't it be ok to talk a walk alone, with your camera & sketchbook? it doesn't have to be about your fashion work. maybe it can be about being stimulated by color, texture, tastes, or sound. maybe it's time to get drunk again, though in no way, shape, or form do i think alcohol is the answer to the complexities of life, or as an effective coping mechanism. once in awhile, it might be ok to cut loose, break from the routine, or tell your blog reader teddi to ef off. <3 ya :)

I have been reading your blog for a while (I went to school with one of your sponsors, Stelabird) and I had to comment on this! My husband works in the music industry- from the time we dated until we were married, he was tour managing a band, and now he stays at home to full time manage said band while also working for a production company. We have gotten to do so much we wouldn't normally get to do- and while all my family and friends are so jealous of every concert trip, music festival, CD release event- I totally understand this post. Every holiday/weekend/special occasion is always spent at someone else's event. I am so grateful and wouldn't change it for the world, but it sure is exhausting!

I'm sorry to hear of your pooch. We lost one of ours (our first dog together as a married unit) back in June. Maybe a good vacation IS in order! But I can understand your want to stay at home. Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you smile. : )

Oh, how similar we are! I would usually much rather stay home or near home, cuddle in a cabin, or go antiquing. I went on a group vacation to the Mayan Riviera 2 years ago, and although I enjoyed the experience, I would've rather spent the money on a romantic vacation with only my husband. Now, in response to your worry that this is a whiny post, fret not! I actually respect the fact that you are honest about your feelings. If a blog's sole purpose is to beam with happiness, then I can understand your concern; but, if a blog is just as much about your ideas and projects as it is the feelings you're experiencing in the meantime, by all means, vent. I wish you a safe trip. I'm certain you'll have a blast!

I totally understand this post so, so much! And totally appreciate your honesty! My boyfriend (Nick) and Robbie used to work together (DSO). Nick is still the stage manager for the band, and can relate entirely to your feelings, as I get to feeling that way too sometimes. Sure, there can be perks like awesome vacations (Amsterdam x3, Mexico, Germany, Mexico, Jam Cruise, London!) and opportunities that a lot of people don't get to experience, but they definitely can start to lose their allure. Sometimes there is nothing better than just the two of us getting away for a day in the country with our dogs. We also have slowed down our traveling together in the past few months because our dog was was diagnosed with cancer and given an outlook of a few more months here with us. Like Bubby, she is defying all odds, but there is that knowing that it may not last long, that hinders any and almost all planning. Add to that, most birthdays and holidays and six months are spent apart, you begin to cherish and long for that 'alone' time, and those 'vacations' begin to feel a lot like work. So trust me, we have earned our right to whine! And to just be alone with no cares or worries for a day! To just want our men to make it home from tour, without an incident or an accident, or a delayed or cancelled flight! Sometimes all we need is just a hug from them after a cold winters day before starting the next! I could go on and on... But I'm sure you already know! It's ok to feel that way. You've been through a lot lately with Bubby, and he would want mom and dad to get a little sun and fun together! You've both earned it, and the right to whine too! :)