My new T is charging $120/hr, courtesy of my Dad, who's been trying to help me. Nothing is working. My attitude has not changed since the day I came here.

In a recent conversation with my Dad, he told me that he now notices something about me that he overlooked before. What he was talking about was the fact that I never developed an interest in ANYTHING when I was growing up, (except getting high/drinking/video games etc.) He said that he never ONCE remembers me asking him for a tool that I could use to work on something like a project or some kind of hobby. I NEVER DEVELOPED ANY SKILLS GROWING UP, NOTHING, NONE!

So now I'm TRYING to do something about it and it's just not in me, someone is going to have to step in and intercede because I simply can't run my life, I've tried, I'VE TRIED. But this ongoing failure to progress in life, combined with the realization that the window of opportunity to make the most of my life is closing FAST...............whatever...........thank you for your thoughts. I'm shaking my head in disgust right now.

Hey bro, really, ease up on yourself a bit. Let me introduce you to the world's greatest moron when it comes to tools of all kinds...me!!! I could never give a fuck about tools or anything like that when I was a kid. I wanted to read, burrow away in the library, dream about dinosaurs and Captain Kidd, sit on the swing out back and zone out, whatever. And yep, the abuse had me all fixed up to get into alcohol by the time I was 13 and drugs soon after that.

But you know what? The past is past and that's it. I can't change mine and your's is gone too. All we can do is look forward and work on where we are now. You talk about help, and sure, let's think about that. Some ideas of various kinds have been mentioned earlier in this thread. But I think it's really important to resist the temptation to tear yourself up. You have done nothing to shake your head in disgust at.

Much love,Larry

PS: Oh, I forgot. I just found out this weekend that a pixel isn't some kind of east European sandwich. I was talking to Eddie (EGL) and mentioned this, and he roared with laughter - thought I was kidding.....sigh. I was going to ask for mine with a pickle and fries.

_________________________Nobody living can ever stop meAs I go walking my freedom highway.Nobody living can make me turn back:This land was made for you and me.(Woody Guthrie)

Open source software can help you prove to yourself and the rest of the world that you have skills, dedication and can work well with some of the most opinionated and obstinate people in the world. Everything in free software development is based on merit and everything you do or write can easily be found on Google. This can be a blesssing or a curse, but I try to focus on the blessings. I learned a lot from open source projects, and now it fills the better part of my resume. I haven't made a lot of money doing it, but many people I know make a solid living doing what they love and having fun.

Right now I am in a situation similar to yours. In fact I consider myself largely unemployable at the moment. I spend a lot of my time bugged-out, anxious and crying. I really don't have the confidence for job hunting, let alone going being in public. I feel safe reporting bugs and nobody knows I spent all day writing one bug report between devistating waves of depression. And at the end of the day I actually did something. Maybe I didn't do much and maybe I am still broke, but I stayed safe and I contributed something to the world.

It occured to me recently that this recovery stuff is going to take a while. I want to heal and I really don't care if I make a lot of money any more. I know it may sound strange, but I had to lower my expectations in order to survive. My goal each week is to make it to the end of the week alive. And when I get there I am relieved and happy that G-d graciously hooked me up with another week.

Those things that you are looking for will come from actively participating in your own recovery, not by any other means.

Wow, THIS is cool. Get this: I called a former supervisor when I worked an all-too-brief temporary position as a LAN tech for EDS (the company the Ross Perot founded). I just wanted to remind him that he should expect a phone call from a potential employer.

Guess what? He told me that he had been looking for my email and that he was glad that I called cuz they NEED an entry level PC tech at the huge GM plant here in Grand Rapids. Wow. Is this real? They might actually hire me right in! Well let's see what happens in the next day or so!

Guess what? He told me that he had been looking for my email and that he was glad that I called cuz they NEED an entry level PC tech at the huge GM plant here in Grand Rapids. Wow. Is this real? They might actually hire me right in! Well let's see what happens in the next day or so!

That is a great example of the power of networking! VERY few people find jobs through the news papers, it's all about personal and professional relationships. I hope it works out for you!! Good Luck!

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