Army worried terrorists may target ‘NCO Development Town Hall’

WASHINGTON — US Army Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) officials are concerned about Wednesday’s scheduled town hall style meeting on Facebook and Twitter, after reports of a planned terrorist attack have surfaced.

Sources say that “chatter” indicates ISIS and other Islamist groups may be threatening to unleash an Improvised Chat Device, or ICD, to disrupt the planned event.

Of particular concern to command leadership is the tactical hashtag “#talk2TRADOC.”

“We’ve just learned to use social media,” said a spokesman. “This hashtag was shared with Iraqi security forces and somehow wound up in the hands of ISIS. Now that it’s been released, it’s difficult to estimate what kinds of questions will be asked, or the damage that could be done by individuals with malicious intent.”

Army National Guard and Army Reserve sources are denying reports that the “terrorists” are actually just fake Twitter handles and Facebook profiles being created by American soldiers.

“In spite of Big Army’s persistent neglect and marginalization of the Guard and Reserves, and the total, utter lack of sincerity in the ‘One team, one fight!’ motto, this is simply not the kind of stunt we would pull, no matter how completely deserving TRADOC is of such a thing,” said an anonymous Guard NCO who was passing out slips of paper with “Use #talk2TRADOC March 3rd to sext the Army” on them at a local high school.

Command Sgt. Maj. David Davenport of TRADOC, who will lead the livestream, maintains that the discussion will go on “or the terrorists will win.”

“I think this will be a wonderful opportunity for most non-commissioned officers within the Army to have a chance to have their voices heard,” Davenport said. “Without us having to travel or actually meet with them.”

“We’ve made a lot of major changes in NCO development, and we want to hear how great it’s going, ISIS twits or no.”

Davenport says the changes “really came about from the feedback we received from NCOs that were handselected by their officers to ensure that we heard from the best sergeants.”

A source in IT at TRADOC who requested anonymity said they have developed a “very robust” filter to block “dick pics.”

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The Wolfman has been a military policeman in the Army since 2002. After multiple deployments, he has now been placed in a glass case that says "Break in case of war... Or zombies." He does escape from time to time to get you some hard hitting news and moonlight as The Punisher around Nashville, TN.