THE BEAT WITHIN * A WEI
would like to congratulate you for becoming the
44th President of the United States of America. You inspire me to
do many things. It givfes me hope to become something I thought
I couldn't be in life no matter what it is. / believe in you, that vov
ore going to fnake things right in this world. \ \
\ \ : 7
read the rest of Richard's POW on page 8 \
/// ' ////#/ ///.//
VVClCOIfIG Beat editorial note readers! We have a host
of solid writing in this 14.06 issue. Before you dive into this
issue, lets devote a few minutes to our friend and long time
colleague, Sheerly Avni, who not only has been an incredibly
dedicated colleague the last ten years, but so courageously
stepped up to write this editorial note...
Big love to all our readers, writers, first timers, poets preachers and
teachers. It's Sheerly here, long time Alameda Country Workshop
Facilitator, dropping in to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day
We've spent a lot of time talking about politics in workshops:
Between all the crazy problems in the economy, the excitement of seeing
a black man (AND first-generation American) defeat all odds and get
elected president, and the horrors of the Oscar Grant killings, there's been
so much happening out there that impacts you that we've been doing our
best to hit all these topics, so other people in the country could hear what
you had to say
But this week, let's talk about love.
Beat writers produce some of the best love poems we've ever read
- and they also tell some tragic stories. We've read about girls whose
boyfriends died in their arms, about young men who love their girls so
much that they raise the girls' children as their own, or young men whose
hearts get broken because their girl moves on while they're locked up....
We've seen people get punked by love, get lifted by love, get broken by
love, get made whole by love.
But then the question is, how do you know whether or not it's true
love? What if it's just infatuation? Or lust? What if you think you love
someone but he or she treats you bad, gets you putting in work, or cheats
on you? On the flip side, what if you love someone, and you know you do,
but you feel like most of the letters and poems you write always start with
"I'm sorry for all the pain we put you through?"
Well damn, we sure don't have the answers, but these did seem like
questions worth asking. So we found a quiz on the internet that's designed
to help people figure out if they are truly in love, in a strong, powerful way
that can help them conquer the world, and so we're reprinting it here,
for you all to check out (we switched up the language and added a few
questions on our own.)
TL in this case stands for True Love (What else?) Be sure to answer
honestly - this is not court, this is about your life and your happiness, and
no one needs to see your answers but you. . .
THE LOVE QUIZ
Answer Each Question with a T for True or an F for False
1. You know, because your TL told you so, that all your deep feelings are
returned.
2. Your TL makes you feel special and good about yourself
3. If and when you feel jealous, it only lasts for a minute or to - you trust
your TL not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
4. When you fight, you always make up quickly, say within a few hours,
and you always agree that nothing is more important than being able to
express your true feelings (even if it sometimes causes conflict)
5. Nothing makes you feel as peaceful as when you and your TL are
together
6. Your TL NEVER tries to get you to choose between him/her and your
family or friends. If you make that call, it's your decision, and yours
alone
7. You don't need to test each other, to make them prove themselves to
you
8. You can be the "real you" with this person.
9. If you are having sex nobody forced it on anybody, and no one is feeling
any kind of pressure to not use protection.
10. You don't need to be afraid of physical violence from your TL
11. Your TL is trying to help you stay OUT of jail
12. Your TL would still love you tomorrow even if you were suddenly
flat broke.
Now for scoring... if you answered TRUE to at least 9 out of the 12
questions, then there is a good chance you have found a deep and
meaningful love that will last forever... (But if you answered FALSE on
#10, then we gotta say, drop him or her NOW).
But if when you answered those questions, if you started to feel like
you couldn't honestly answer TRUE to at least 9 of them, then it might be
time to kick that ninja (ninjette?) to the curb.
Because at The Beat, when we read your pieces, we see and appreciate
the best in you — and this Valentine's Day, isn't it worth making sure you
are getting and giving what you deserve????
Peace to all, and Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks Sheerly! Lets get busy with sharing with you readers
the topics that were discussed in our workshops prior to the
writing that is featured in this latest issue.
The first topic, "Remaking America" - In Obama's inspiring
inaugural speech, he mentioned, "For the world has changed,
and we must change with it." "What is required of us now is a
new era of responsibility- a recognition, on the part of every
American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nations, and
the world, duties..." "Our time of standing pat, of protecting
narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions -
that time has surely passed." "Starting today, we must pick
ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin again the work of
remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be
done..." Obamas spoke about "remaking America." What does
that mean to you and your community?
Second topic, "Words" - The whole world relies on
communication with words, through writing or speaking. The
power of words is unbelievable, as in this excerpt from the
Bible: "So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it
boasts of great things. Behold how great a forest is set aflame
by such a small fire.. .no one can tame the tongue; it is restless
evil and full of a deadly poison." With that in mind, how have
words affected you, for better or for worse. Think about some
important interactions you have had, letters you have written,
and share with us the power of words.
Three, "Violence: nature or nurture?" - In this week's
inauguration of President Barack Obama, Senator Dianne
Feinstein of California made reference to the non-violent
protests that made the election of a black president possible.
Do you think nonviolence, as modeled by Dr. Martin Luther
King, Jr., can be more effective than violence? Digging deeper,
where do you think violence comes from? Some of you are
locked up for violent crimes, and many of you have committed
violent acts. Do you think people are inherently violent [are
born that way), or do you think good people resort to violence
because of outside forces? Where do you think young people
learn how, when, and why to be violent? Give us your history
of violence from where you sit.
Last but not least, the very popular, "A letter to the
president" - What would you like to say to the new president?
(We'll send him your letters too.)
Ok this is the last reminder of our current writing contest,
the question is... "Does President Obama inspire you?" How
does he inspire you? Send Beat editor Omar Turcios your
thoughts on how President Barack Obama inspires you, and
the top three pieces, voted on by the lead Beat editors, will be
given $50 money orders. The deadline for accepting pieces is
February 28, 2009. All the pieces will be featured in The Beat
Within publication the first week of March, 2009.
All right friends, enjoy the powerful wthin this Beat. It
is an honor to share with you all. This one goes out to Alex
Rodriguez, yeah right! Ok, Michael Phelps, nahhh.... All right,
how 'bout to all the people who have a hand in raising money
for The Beat Within. Their efforts mean the world and the
future of this unique and very special weekly.
The Beat Within
At The Beat Within, we go through a lot of trouble to censor inappropriate s<
remarks, foul language, and gang references. There is enough tension in our i
muities already-we don't aim to bolster it. It is in The Beat's interest to pro
peace and unitv. Our soal is to educate one another.
The Beat Within publishes the opinions and views expressed by the participants i
our workshops. This is simply the pure voice of the youth. The views you read d
not necessarily reflect those of the publisher, editor or staff. All rights are reservec
Nothing from this publication can be reproduced without our written permission.
To our writers: What you write could be hazardous to you. Your words have cor
seauences. and could be used to incriminate vou. Trv to illuminate vour feelings an
ry to illuminate your leeimgs an<
ammunition for those who mish
ise vour words against vou.
Co-founders: Sandy Close and David Inocencio
Senior Editors: David Inocencio
Assistant Editors: Michael Kroll, Omar Turcios
Graphics/Layout Editor: Manen Pau
Staff: Pauline Craig, Carolyn Goossen, Jill Wolfson, Allan Martinez, Patricia John-
son, Amanda Abies, Dennis Morton, Sheerly Avni, Hanif Bey, Brenda Navarro, Sa-
mantha Navarro, Johnny Le, Laura Vitaro, Karla Serrano, Ricky Rollins, Kendra
Davis, Anastasia Freeman, Demarius Brown, Mon'Kesia Butler, Michaela, Ava,
Danyal, Jeanette Beltran, Monica Carlos, Janet Lagto, Allan Tinker, Nic Reiner-
Parra, Laura Goode, Molly Patterson, Peggy Simmons, Kirstin Dan, Angel Ryono,
Siliva Mortenson, Kolby Hanson, Sam Peterson, Kim Nelson, Gwendolyn Hubner,
Oscar Pena Jr., Julia Scheinbeim, and Neela Baneriee.
The Maricopa County, Phoenix, Arizona, Juvenile Probation Department Beat
Staff: Joe Szulecewski, M.A., Lisa Donsker, M.C., Hillary Shluker, M.C., Lisa
Karczewski, M.A. The detention staff are: Carissa Allen, Antoinette Flores, Mr. B.,
Tammie Utter, D. Scott Herrmann, Connie Pyburn, Ph. D. Clinical Director, Ph.D.
Clinical Director.
Bernalillio County Juvenile Detention & Youth Services Center Beat Staff:
Steve Serna
Oak Hill - Washington, DC Staff:
loe and Gabriel Proddei
Fresno : Mai Der Vang, Rosie Wentz, Liliana Romero, Nigel Medhurst, Ashleigh
Rocker, and Cindv Jenson
Monterey : Sam Peterson and Sarah Damico
Art: Much dtods to evervone for the sreat art this week.
Spiritual Advisor:
Special Volunteer: Nancy DeMartini
Book Donor: Marisela Norte
Beat Supporters: The Beat Within greatefully acknowledges the generous support
of funders of Pacific News Service's Youth Communications Programs - California
Arts Council, California Wellness Foundation, Christensen Fund, Community Foun-
dation of Silicon Valley, Community Technology Foundation of California, Comp-
ton Foundation, Creative Work Fund, Cricket Island Foundation, Evelyn and Walter
Haas, Jr. Fund, Ford Foundation, James Irvine Foundation, Marguerite Casey Foun-
dation, Marin Community Foundation, Morris Stulsaft Foundation, Nathan Cum-
mings Foundation, Oakland Fund for Children and Youth, Open Society Institute,
Peninsula Community Foundation, Philanthropic Ventures Foundation, S. H. Cow-
ell Foundation, Monterey, Fresno, Solano, Oak Hill - Washington DCSan Francisco
Arts Commission, San Francisco Foundation, Shinnyo-en Foundation, W Clem-
ent and Jessie V Stone Foundation, Stone Circles Foundation, Stuart Foundation,
Surdna Foundation, The California Endowment, Tides Foundation, Van Loben Sels/
Rembe Rock Foundation, Vanguard Public I
Foundation, Walter S. Johnson Foundation, 1
Zellerbach Familv Fund and individual dom
oundation, Wallace Alexander Gerbode
Writers: Thanks to all the participants in our workshops in the San Francisco, Mari-
copa County Arizona, Santa Clara, San Mateo, Alameda, Bernalillio County New
Mexico, Santa Cruz and Marin County Juvenile Halls. If you have any questions oi
comments about The Beat Within, or if you would like to become a subscriber, con
tact us at: 275 Ninth St. SFCA. 94103 or call (415) 503-4170 or check us out at:
///////#/////,/// ////#///,//
fffftf'Sttft
P/MM fff fltt MM
tt-ffUU 0/Mt #^// //
StiMif/S
4/mM M
f/Jff/Jf/fff S#
SM/fff/fM //
JfMifil/M 41
fiifitfiZ //
Mitt //
ffflii //
to/m /# SfiM/sA fff
<
www.thebeatwithin.org
/EZ=2
Last Day
Verse 1
It was a hot late night when I remember kicking back
Bomping the oldies out the homie Dopey's Cadillac
Parked on the block drinking pisto, selling dope
Me, my homie Joker, Darky, my primo Locs
Watching out, keep an eye out for the black and white
Kicking back, spending days on a crazy-ass night
The block was rolling just like any other day
The only thing I didn't know — the homie was gonna get
sprayed
Damn Loco, a ranfla (car) hit the block
Fools hanging out, the next thing I knew my homie was shot
Damn, he fell, it seemed it was all a dream
All I kept hearing was the homeboys scream
"Look ese, don't die," they kept saying
He tried to get up, but in the homie's arms he kept laying
I look around and see my homies everywhere
Faces looking down on him
He tried to talk to the homie but he couldn't even talk
"Please dear god, don't let this be his last day"
I seen him close his eyes and go in a deep daze
Chorus
Somebody please give me just a minute, I never knew that this
would be my last day.
Verse 2
The juras came and they blocked the calles all up
All I kept hearing was the homie get shot
The medics worked on him, and the juras all around
Hitting up my homies all about what went down
He got rushed to the hospital, I guess to cut him up
Slowly he was dying, damn I know he is stuck
I hear the doctors running trying to save him
"There's nothing else to do," they said, "but wait and see"
Now he is stranded in a coma, on a life support machine
With his family around him, but no way to win
Mom starts crying, and his pops is holding tight
With tears in his eyes, telling him to fight
Everything went black, and he got cold as ice
When a big flash of light appeared before his eyes
It's a shame we die, for the game will never end
But now I know, now I understand...
Chorus
Somebody please give me just a minute, I never knew that this
would be my last day
Verse 3
Now he is gone, but that's the way it all goes
He's laying in a casket in some gangster clothes
Homies walking up, to pay their last respects
With tears in their eyes, dressed up in all black
("I just got something in my eyes")
"Rest in Peace homeboy," is what we all say
Soon he'll be burned, he'll be on his way
From ashes to ashes and dust to dust
It's pay back time, and in my homeboys I trust
An eye for an eye, that's what it's all about
I know my 'hood'll get back 'cause he had much clout
I guess this is it, now it's time to ride
In the big black hearse, with chrome SS on the side
Bumper to bumper all the way down the street
Down to the cemetery, rolling deep
Heading down the east side on my way
I never thought I'd come to see his last day
(RIP to all the comrades that have left this world)
-Temper, Santa Clara
From The Beat: And now we've just got something in our eyes. Temper,
Temper, Temper, how much pain you express in this ballad, this story
that happens over and over — an eye for an eye — though seldom has
anyone as gifted as you to turn the tragedy into art. But how will it
end? Will you ever feel the pain that your homies' revenge will put into
the broken heart of another mother, another father? Will you ever see
what that revenge will bring to another of your beloved homies? An eye
for an eye... Yes, RIP to ALL who have died way before their time, and
for what? We want to cry!
Feeling Lonely
Day by day, it's more impossible to cope...
I feel like I'm the one that' doin dope
Can't keep a steady hand because I'm nervous
Every Sunday morning I'm in service
I know the lord is looking at me
But yet and still he's offered me to feel happy
I often drift when I drive
Having fatal thoughts of suicide
I bang and get it over with
But still I'm worried free, and that's bullshhh
I got a little boy to look after
And if I die then my child will be a bastard
I had a woman who was down for me
But to me it seemed like she was down to get me
Now she's back with her mother
Now I'm realizing that I love her
Now I'm feeling lonely
-Dash, Fresno
From The Beat: That feeling of loneliness/ Can sweep over you and make
you feel hopeless/ But life is more than a picture of today/ It's more
than what you've done or what they say/ Your son needs a daddy, and
you need him too/ Take that responsibility seriously, and your life can
renew/ The past is the past, it cannot be undone/ But you can choose a
future that let's you walk in the sun
Asking Me To Get Caught Up Again
Man, what's up, Beat? I'm hella mad. I been thinking
about this for the longest. Everybody talking about when I
come back from Colorado, I should be different. Basically,
they're saying, sending me out there, they think I'm going
to change. I mean, it's nothing. I do want to change. I'm
ready to get my life right and do the right thing, feel me?
But at the same time, I'm thinking like this. Y'all
taking me from the neck of the woods, sending me
somewhere for a year, then putting me back into the neck
of my woods, sending me somewhere for a year, then
putting me back in the neck of my woods. I mean, to me
it's no point of taking me from somewhere, then putting
me back. You know that's basically asking for me to get
caught up again, straight up, because how I was raised, it
ain't all cookies an' cream.
I mean, basically, I take care of myself and I try to help
my family out when I can. But trying to survive ain't no
joke, straight up where I come from. That's how I ended
up getting my first case, 'cause I'm trying to survive. So,
basically, that shhh don't mean nothing. Even if I do go
somewhere and come back, I'm still going to be me, but
I'm be smarter and have more class in what I do, so I
won't get caught up again. Not saying that I'm just going
to go back to selling drugs. I mean I'm willing to change
and I'm ready to change, so whatever y'all throw my way,
best believe I'ma take advantage of everything.
Like big bra Darious and CJ said (RIP), everything I
do, whether it's good or bad, I'm still a beast and a ninja.
Can't knock me off my feet, ya dig, 'cause I'm out here.
But, yeah, that's what I been tripping off.
-Queen Bri, San Francisco
From The Beat: There is a lot to admire in this thoughtful piece, QB. For
one thing, we admire your desire to change, and your willingness to
leave your "neck of the woods" to fortify yourself with new knowledge
and experience for your future freedom. But we also admire your
analysis of a system that would take the time and money to take you to
a different environment only to drop you right back into the same old
environment where its like asking you to get caught up again. We hope
that one of the things you'll take away from Colorado is a new sense
of independence that will give you both the skills and the strength
to take yourself out of the environment that conditioned you for this
life. We don't want you to forget who you are or where you came from,
but only to able to live in a place that allows you to be who you are
without risking your freedom or your life. When you get to Colorado,
don't forget The Beat. We value the lessons you can provide.
/EZ=2
/////
"Wake Up Gall
As I sit here in the silence
Watching as time pass
Faces around me changin'
While I stay stuck to the surfaces, trapped
Until this water rises slowly
And I drown in my own tears
Reminiscin' on the good
And bad days over the years
Back in '92 I don't remember
Really being born
But my family always told me
I was the cutest little boy
As now I come to think
Why did my mother up and leave me
And my sister in the streets
To grow up without a father
And a lady who was fiendin'
If you love somebody
Won't you keep them close by your side
Instead of lettin' them go
And have others take the toll on their life
It's crazy how people tend to
Say they actually care
Until they strung out on drugs
Then everything disappears
-Crazy, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We don't know why children have to pay the price for
their parents' failures, and such a huge price! Drug addiction can wipe
out everything that went before it, like cancer. Both are diseases, so you
have to have some compassion for those who have the sickness, even
though this disease punishes the innocent. Now, you must be your own
parent; you must find that "cutest little boy" still inside, and nurture
him until he becomes the fine young man he was always destined to
Living In The Woods
My favorite place in the world today is to be in the woods
with my best friends and my dog. In my life — especially
within the last year — I have had many experiences in
the woods. Some of the best memories are sitting by the
camp fire in your sleeping bag with your arm around your
dog, and a cigarette in the other hand; or when you wake
up in the morning and find yourself staring straight up at
the trees and fog cover, and you lie there smoking another
cigarette trying to stay warm from the morning chill.
As you get up to start a fire, you hear your fellow
brothers playing "Fire On the Mountain" on the guitar and
mandolin. As the fire heats up, you begin to make coffee.
After you have drank your sugared-down coffee, you find
yourself venturing down deeper in the woods where all
the rest of the kids are hanging out, hack-sackin' and
playin' music.
I venture off with my dog to go get water. I turn around
and look at everyone having a good time and enjoying
themselves. I stand in amazement. I am finally proud of
what my life has become. I get a tap on my shoulder from
an old friend. He looks at me and says, "I know... I feel
the same way."
If there's one thing I learned it's to never leave the
woods. Only the bad things will be the outcome, thanks
for the woods and that special family.
-Sage, San Francisco
From The Beat: We love this piece for at least three reasons: first, it takes
us out of the mean city streets and the violence we are so accustomed to
reading about in The Beat; second, it captures the wonders of camping
so well, the fog-shrouded morning chill warmed by the "sugared-coffee";
and third, it is so well written! Where did you go camping? When will
you be able to enjoy this again, and how will you keep yourself free to
enjoy it over and over? Don't stop writing. You have a gift.
Who Am I
Who am I? I ask myself this question every day! I'm not
the me that first came in here no more. I found who am I.
I am Sunny C, son to my loving parents and a role model
to my two lil' brothers.
I have high expectations and goals for me when I get
out of here. I have high expectations to finish school and
go to college. My goal is to major in criminal justice and
become a social worker. I would like to become a social
worker and works with kids, because I been through all
of it, like getting locked up and catching cases from left
to right.
I would like to talk to kids an' give them advice about
things that they shouldn't do, so they don't end up like
me. Some kids may not listen, but some will, and that's a
good thing 'cause if they won't take my advice, they would
learn from their mistakes. And if they do, they will be on
the right track to a very bright future ahead of them.
Well, this is who I am and this is the real me, the real
Sunny C! I've found who I really am.
-Sunny C, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Thank you for introducing the real Sunny C to The Beat.
We are very happy to know the real you, because the real you has a
lot of promise for a bright future, not just for yourself, but for those
whose lives you touch. The most important lives to start touching, of
course, are those two little brothers who need the model of an older
brother doing what he would want them to do, and not doing what
he would not want them to do. We feel the pride in your self-discovery
(and we know your parents must also be feeling pride in you) and it is
well-deserved. Do what you need to do now, and never again lose sight
of the real you!
What's Learned, What's Earned
In this long, drawn-out journey, I've been issued some
tough cards,
but I've seen some raw things, some people have it pretty
hard.
I don't disregard my problems, but, still, like the substance
of a cure,
I see what others won't accept.
In circumstances where I'm sure, for instance, is where I
seem to self-neglect.
Then I'm aware of my mistakes, but I can't keep myself
in check.
Right now I bring things to the Lord, 'cause he's the one
who rules the deck.
I may be co-dependant, preferring to choose the truth
instead of lies,
the pain that's temporary leaves obvious remnants and
stains my eyes
with this free-flowing liquid that tastes of salt.
I spit it, words of purpose to keep my sanity.
It wasn't taught to me exclusively, but neither was
vanity.
Image deceives many, deception spreads and festers.
Ignorance becomes even harder to ignore.
I pay attention to the nonsense, but time won't wait.
I can't afford to look away from my own hurt.
The world moves forward and so do I.
It's feeling great, and to dwell here I can't afford.
I've learned my limits, memorized my boundaries,
and I know that things just may get worse.
But honest workers must give themselves a break and
take just what they've earned.
-Purple Hayze, San Francisco
From The Beat: There are some fine sentiments in this fine rhyme! It's
terrible to watch the world move forward without you, but it's "great"
to be part of that forward movement, as you clearly are. No, you can't
afford to dwell here, and the world can't afford for you to dwell here,
either. We're too much in need of the knowledge you are spitting.
/EZ=2
It's So Cold
(Verse 1)
Sometimes at night I can't seem to sleep (oh nooo)
Starin' at the wall when I start to think (I think about)
Seem like everybody know my name (they know my
name)
But they don't know me, they don't know a thang (no
they don't)
They don't understand and can't feel my pain (it hurts
so bad)
Lookin' for the summer, all I see is rain (and I feel like)
Feelin' like most of my life is gone
Ain't no peace in the streets and I can't go home
(Chorus)
I don't know what to do
Don't know what I'm goin' through
But it's so cold, it's so cold
And momma always told me to
Keep my head up and I'll make it through
But it's so cold, it's so cold
(Verse 2)
Mang, this game's insane, blood rushin' to my brain
Sacrificed many thangs, enough to bring my momma pain
But it's too hectic, I can't make it, I'm losin' control
The rain is pourin' and pourin', the sun ain't shinin' no
more
Now god bless my soul, it's trapped in a straightjacket
I'm tryin' to break down the walls, but somethin' won't
let it happen
I'm in a war and it's real, my scars won't heal
You don't know me, and I don't even know what I feel
Now if I die tonight, momma please stay strong
There ain't no peace in the streets and I can't go home
So many soldiers in the 'hood gettin' hit from the blind
Fell victim to the nine, left all their families behind
Right now, every day, I feel it's my time
The street flooded with fake things that be shooting with
cold eyes
So I'm livin' life just to hold the rose
Can somebody please tell me why this world is so cold?
(Chorus)
(Verse 3)
It's so cold in this world I'm facin' and I ain't ready for it
I'm breakin' down, facin' death, man I already know it
Pops left when I was born, like I wasn't in his business
Eighteen years later, he askin' for forgiveness
Should I forget him, should I forgive him, should I give
him a chance?
I don't know, I'm confused, 'cause I'm already a man
And those eighteen years he missed is what he needed to see
And a teen with a father is what he needed to be
Every night before I sleep, there's tears rollin' down my
cheeks
He could've taught me right from wrong and gave me the
strength to believe
'Cause mommas too busy tryna feed us all
So I blame you pops for never givin' a call
I know your baby momma got inside your head
And made you forget about me like I was already dead
So if I die tonight, family, please stay strong
There ain't no peace in the streets and I can't go home
(Chorus)
-Saetern, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We don't know if this ballad goes with music or not,
Saetern, but we hear it in our ears, [as we wipe away our tears...) This
is how the dictionary defines "Ballad" — "a poem or song narrating
a story in short stanzas. Traditional ballads are typically of unknown
authorship, having been passed on orally from one generation to the
next as part of the folk culture." The author if your wonderful ballad is
well known to The Beat, however, which thanks you for it!
Violence Is
I think that violence is both inherited and influenced.
Violence is natural for some of us. In my instance I wasn't
naturally born with violence flowing through my veins,
but I was raised into a society and a situation that cast
that shadow.
I think violence is caused by many things, such as
influences and built up anger. Nowadays, young people
learn their violence from society and entertainment. Over
the generations, people are resorting to crime more and
more and the image society has cast will blacken our
youth's future.
I was raised into a situation where I felt I had no help
and no way out, I never had my parents there to compass
me through my adolescent days. I believe non-violence is
a better and more useful way to protect and love life.
-Michael, Santa Clara
From The Beat: What a very raw and real piece, Michael. Our environment
really determines how we grow up and a lot of people don't realize
this or they turn a blind eye towards it. Sometimes our parents aren't
there to guide us in our life, it hurts but its true. We need our parents
there to help us with the decisions in our life that we are either too
young or too immature to make but when they aren't there then what
happens? We're forced to grow up too fast and make our own decisions
and usually that doesn't end too well. What do you think can be done
to set up a mentor system for kids and teens at home who aren't getting
the parental guidance that they need?
Violence And Material Madness
I think violence comes from people who has a bad life
style. They don't get the good things in life and so they
get angry, so they look to robbing and stealing. That's
what gets them in here. So then, when they get in here,
their whole life is starting to mess up. And when that
happens, they're in the system. Then they get even more
madder because they're missing out on a lot, so they get
to more stealing.
Some people grow up with anger, and some are taught
to be mad and act bad. Like some parents say, when
somebody hits you, you supposed to hit them back. But
sometimes that's not the right thing to do, so than they
get in trouble for what they parents taught them. But
when they get home, he or her mom says, "That a'right."
So than they keep getting' in trouble.
But some violent stuff mostly come from material
madness, so they try to steal and stealing ain't the right
thing. You should just get a job, have some money in yo'
pocket and that's go be you. And if that material thing is
really expensive, so that's when you save up and get that
thing for yourself, so than that's when you see you don't
have to look to stealing. When you don't have to steal and
you see that you don't have to do that no more.
-Speedy, San Francisco
From The Beat: You've done good job of explaining the cycle of anger
and messing up, leading to more anger and more messing up. We
really like the phrase, "material madness," because we think it has two
meanings: the first is what you mean — getting so mad that you commit
a crime to get something; but the second is "madness" meaning a kind
of craziness, the "insanity" of doing things that really only hurt the
person that's doing them. We like your advice, but what would you say
to a young person who cannot find a job? And what would you say to
the government about providing jobs for young people?
/EZ=2
My True Friend!
"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you're doomed
if you don't try!" I remember the first time I heard this.
I was hangin out with my bestie and we got to talking. I
told her how I need to do this and how I need to do that.
Finally she told me to shut up! Like those words blow my
mind.
She told me the only way to be successful or the only
way I was going to succeed was if I wanted to turn my life
around. Anything I set my mind to I can do. She told me I
can't dwell on the past, but live for the present, and hope
for the future. How whenever I fail not to let it stop me but
to keep going!
She gave me that quote and told me to think on it,
and use it towards everyday life. If it weren't for her sittin
there and basically telling me how it is, then right now
I probably wouldn't even be trying to get help. I would
probably still be doing what I thought was right, and I
would probably be having even more problems then I have
now. So I just want her to know that I LOVE HER and that
she's mine for life!
-LIT Skittles, Solano
From The Beat: You are lucky to have such a good friend who also gives
good advice! What is it that you would like to try? If you can be your
best self, what does that look like to you, what are you doing?
I Ain't Feeling This
Man, what's good wit' y'all? 1 mean, I ain't feeling so
good. Matter fact, I ain't feeling this jail shhh period. I'm
just so tired of forcing myself to be calm in here around
all these suckas. I ain't feeling this man, I ain't feeling
this at all.
I ain't feeling this food I'm forcing myself to eat. Man, I
ain't feeling this. Y'all just not hearing me, though. I can't
even begin to explain how I am feeling — this waking up
in a cold ice box cell, feet numb, having somebody tell me
to take a shower and when to get out. Man, man I ain't
feeling this!
Forcing myself to act like I find some joy in being in
jail when knowing ain't shhh in here or nobody that can
help me. I ain't feeling this — have somebody think they
know my future and scaling me to statistics. Man, I ain't
feeling this.
People telling me because I grew up this way, lived in
a certain place and didn't have a certain somebody in my
life, I'ma live a certain way. Man, I ain't feeling this.
At my window hoping somebody come visit me. Man,
I ain't feeling this. My mom told me I can't do time and I
went back to my cell and thought about it. I can't. No lie,
I ain't no snitch or complain in jail. It just ain't for me.
Man, I ain't feeling this. I ain't made to be locked up. It's
just not me. I can't be me.
When I call my mom, I hang up mad because don't
nothing change, specially because I'm in here. Don't
mean I'ma get out and the world gone change, for it still
gone be the same ol' shhh. I found out the only thing
done change is me, man. Man, I gotta change, not wanna.
Wanting to leaves too much room for failure. But man, I
ain't feeling this.
-Shawni, San Francisco
From The Beat: Even though you write that you can't begin to explain
how you're feeling, you do much more than "begin." You take us with
you. This is writing at its best! You've given us a lot to respond to in
this piece, which is both sad and hopeful. For example, you may be
tired of having to hold your tongue in here, but the fact that you can
keep yourself calm (to avoid the consequences if you don't) should tell
you what powers of self-control you possess, and how those powers can
serve you on the outs as well as in here. There's only one thing we take
issue with: you say that there's nobody in here that an help you. You're
wrong... You are the one that can help you, and you're doing it!
Skip's Broadcast: Shady Relationships
Wha's up, Beat? That charismatic young dude Skip
still hibernating behind the glass doors and sheet rock
walls. But I'm alive, though, right? But anyhoo, a certain
thing that has been eatin' at me is my relationship — or
anybody's, for that matter. I mean, bein' in here is one
thing that enrages me, but reading these books and
seeing these movies adds the stress, ya know?
I was watching this movie called "The Family That
Preys" and that shhh was gettin' in a ninja's head. Call it
insecure, but it got to me. Basically, ol' girl was married to
dude, and I can tell she was a little nervous and skeptical
about marrying bruh. But the fact is she married him,
and now, four years later, she worked for a construction
factory and her husband works as a constructor for the
same company, while the wife almost the head honcho
and shhh. But come to find out, wifey screwin' around
with boss man, and that's how she got the top position.
Her husband is just naive and blind to the fact of what's
going on. All the while, wifey tellin' him how he will never
be like her boss, and some mo' shhh.
Now grown man part of me like, Leave this cheatin'
woman alone," but the other side of me is like, "Slap the
mess out of this broad!" So when bruh do find out about
what's really goin' on (hearin' it from her mouth), he
slapped the mucous out of her, and I gave dude a standin'
ovation. (Now I know it sound cruel, but if you would've
seen how much shhh he had to endure, you would have
been ready to pull an Ike Turner, too).
But the point I'm gettin' at is this: it's ninjas in here
with females on the outs that's doing the same shhh. No
matter how good the ninja is to her before he got into
this predicament, it's that loneliness factor. So she gon
wait for a couple of weeks, maybe even a month, but six
months down, some of her mess-ass friends gone get
in her head, and like that, she's gone. She's gone. She's
gone. It is a few solid ones that hold us down, but they
are rare (like Mr. Clean with hair), but I salute them.
I'm in that same kind of situation right now. My sister
introduced me to this girl while I was in here, and I been
writin' her and callin' her, and all the shhh. We been
good for about two months now (a ninja get lonely in this
thang). So now I done got in her ear so much that she
dropped the "L-word" on me. Sho' did, mm-hmm. All this
over the phone, though, and me bein' the real ninja I am, I
can't say this back to her. It gotta be a mutual feelin', and
I'm diggin' HI' mama and all, but I can't say it!
She told me some things that no one knew, but that's
according to her. How do I know it's true? She coulda
made copies of this letter or had her speech down pat.
I don't trust that well, ya dig, so me sayin" I love her, I
would be lyin', and I can't do that to her or myself. It ain't
in my nature, kinda like that Kanye song, "Keep that love
(word) locked down." I can't be playin'. I'm a grown-ass
ninja that gotta kid.
-Skip, San Francisco
From The Beat: We don't know about justifying smacking anyone
around for any reason, but the reality, is that it's far more likely the man
is screwing around on the woman than the other way around. (How
long would you be "faithful" to a girl who lets herself get taken by the
system, leaving you behind?) Do you think that she should smack him
around if that happens? Maybe — putting Tyler Perry aside for a minute
— people your age should not tie themselves to one person, no matter
how good that one person appears to be, because you are both growing
in so many ways. Adolescence is a time of experimentation, of learning
by doing (and by making mistakes). We admire you for refusing to lie
to her, and we don't think "love" is the right word for her to use, either.
But that's part of what it means to be young. We "love" your honesty!
/EZ=2
My Favorite Day
My favorite day in my short life I've lived was when
my daughter was born on 8-8-08. It was a painful and
loving moment all in one. I grew a bigger respect and
understanding for all females in the world.
Before I had my kid, I was immature and selfish. I
went to parties all night, used drugs and hurt people. But
now I've seen the effect that I have on my kid and the
importance it is to be there for her.
This is my second time in here, and I've learned that
I have to handle my business to provide for my family.
My advice for future parents is to be there for your kid
because when you see they respect you and look up to
you, it will all be worth it.
-Nothin' But Time, San Francisco
From The Beat: Sometimes, a single event in our lives can change
everything, force us to see things in an entirely different light and to
make changes accordingly. It sounds to us like that is what happened to
you when your daughter was born. If you are able to build on this new
sense of responsibility, to keep the promise you're making to yourself
here, then your daughter will be lucky to have you for a father, and you
will be lucky to have her for a daughter. Too many young people think
that making a baby is what makes you a father. You have seen what is
truly required for that title.
The Power Of Words
Words are very powerful. I've said some things to people
that hurt them. People I really care about, but now they're
gone, and I can never take them back. I dwell on that every
day.
Some say actions speak louder than words. I hope
that is not true because I made some bad actions, but I
hope my words can fix the things that my actions broke.
I wish my words could fix my relationship with my ex-
girlfriend. She was the first love of my young life and I
messed that up. She really had love for me. She stuck
with me through my first incarceration. I still love her and
I'm going to do whatever it takes to get her back. I hope
she hears me out so I can get her back.
-Fro, Fresno
From The Beat: We hope she hears you out too. Fro, because we can tell
from what you've written that you are a rare and good man. Whether
actions speak louder or not, words count, so choose yours very carefully
and listen to hers just as carefully. If you cannot fix what's broken, you
may be able to build it again. Good luck.
Dear President
First of all, congratulations on being the first African-
American president. You really got a way on speaking.
That means you're a really good speaker. I hope that you're
ready to make a change in our nation because everybody is
depending on you to do the right thing.
I'm really looking up to you to try to make everybody
happy and try to be fair. This is history in making. Everyone is
going to remember what happened on 1-20-09 and everybody
is hoping it's a good thing. I have faith in you because I think
that everybody deserves a chance even if we don't know
them.
I hope that you start building more jobs and more
schools instead of building more prisons. It's real negative
to make more prisons than schools just because it's a bad
feeling knowing that it's a set up for failure. Once again, good
luck and I hope that you're successful in life and please try
to make a better change then the last president.
-Chow-Main, Solano
From The Beat: We appreciate the positive ideas of this president as
well, and share your high hopes. Already we see some change, in
many people— feeling more positive about what might happen, feeling
more willing to try to work together.. .so lets help him out however we
can! Education reduces the recidivism rate (how often people return to
prison) — so Better Schools for Everyone.
A Letter To The President
Dear Mr. Obama,
I think you should make certain things that keep
young black men busy for the weekends, so we could
stop killing ourselves. I also think that you should start
building new colleges for people who cannot afford that
type of money, so they could be something in life to take
care of their family, and get the majority of the tax money
every year.
I think there should be less education about African-
American people and more about other cultures so people
wouldn't have to feel down all the time by hearing the
word "Nigger" a lot.
People who's getting abused in their family should
be taken care of in a shelter that provides a little bit of
discipline, so they could grow up and succeed in life, and
keep innocent people out of the pen.
-Tae, San Francisco
From The Beat: We think you should be an advisor to the new President!
We love all of your suggestions. One thing, though, there are things that
we can do ourselves that can help without waiting for the President —
like not demeaning each other by using hateful words to describe each
other, like the "N" word.
RIP Dead Homies
RIP dead homies y'all left me by myself sad and lonely
some of ya'll was young and so it wasn't ya'll time to go.
When we was younger we would think about growing old.
I miss ya'll and I always will. Mentioning that ya'll gone
but ya'll don't know how I feel.
I don't feel right saying ya'll gone off the map. I miss
kicking with ya'll or in the studio doing a rap. I'm always
going to keep ya'll name in my mouth. How them people
killed you I'ma tell you that was foul. Ima have to forgive
em cause they a child of Job. I'm not a sucka it's just I'm
tired of seeing parents sob. On our part and theirs. It's
2009 I don't want to see no tears.
-Lil' Rolo, Alameda
From The Beat: We are sorry for your losses, and for the families who
have lost your friends as well. You are strong to be able to forgive. Look
to what is creative and has life, and leave the destruction alone.
Dear President
How are you Mr. President? I am writing from Santa
Clara juvenile hall. My name is Richard. I am facing a life
sentence for kidnapping, attempted murder, carjacking,
and 2nd degree robbery. I am 17 years old.
I would like to congratulate you for becoming the 44th
President of the United States of America. You inspire me
to do many things. It gives me hope to become something
I thought I couldn't be in life no matter what it is. I believe
in you, that you are going to make things right in this
world. I know when I go to prison I can try my hardest to
get my education and other things. I didn't think I could
at first, but with you as President, I have faith.
I know I am in here and might not get out soon, but I
know you will be there for those on the outside of these
walls. I know you will make a change. I hope the best
for you, Mr. President. Thank you for reading this, and I
apologize for taking your time.
-Richard, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We don't think you need to apologize for taking the
Presidents time. In fact, we think he would be proud to know that his
accomplishment has inspired you, and opened your eyes to the reality
that you can accomplish many things in your own life, whether behind
bars or not. Whether you know it or not, your own words can have the
same effect on those who take the time to read what you've written
and, like a pebble in a pond, the ripples of inspiration will continue to
widen. Get your education, as you know you can, and use it to continue
teaching!
/EZ=2
/////
To My Son
Every time my son comes to see me he looks sad, and
he wonders why I'm not at home like the other dads. All I
can say is "'cause daddy made a bad choice." He says
he's not, but I can tell he's mad from his voice. He starts
saying "no" every time he gotta leave. I watch him cry,
and wipe his own tears on his sleeve. He's only three but
he understands a lot.
He knows the police brought me here, and that is why
he hates the cops. I explain it's my fault, 'cause of what
daddy did. It's my fault that he barely knows what a daddy
is.
His mama tries the best she can but she's not a man.
She can't teach him the same things I can.
Lil' dude just like me- we act the same. That's my Jr.,
he has my first and last name.
I missed his birthday this year up in juvie hall. I
couldn't give him nothing but a collect phone call.
All I want to do is raise my son and live right. Selling
crack ain't the only way to feed my kid. I'm gonna get a
job and go back to school again. Play catch with him, sign
him up for little league. Teach him manners, how to say
thank you and please.
First thing I gotta do is get down on my knees, and
pray to God that my son will forgive me.
-B, Alameda
From The Beat: This is a powerful and heartbreaking piece B. It must
be incredibly hard to be away from your son, and see that he is missing
you so much. Do you write to him while you are in here? Even if he
can't understand the letters now, he will be able to read them when he's
older, and will know how much you were thinking about him when you
were locked up.
So Sick
Mayne, I'm so sick of tha shhh, all of it. Missing my loved
ones, missing the streets, missing the 'hood. You know,
I need some 'dro right 'bout now, to calm my nerves. I'm
stressing 'bout this so-called help I'm goin' to receive
from the city an' county of San Francisco. But in reality,
this shhh don't do nothing but make me worse. I sit in tha
halls for a minute, then I'm off to the next damn grouper.
This shhh instill hatred in me deep down, an' I ain't know
how to release it, besides smoking the 'dro. It's the only
way I can be numb from the pain.
Gots two parents that the state say can't have me,
and the Lord knows I don't deserve to be stuck wit' my
corrupt-ass grandparents. I plan to knock out this year of
day care in Sacramento, an' get back to the city. My pops
get released, and hopefully can get yo' boy back.
Pray for me, those who love an' know me. I plan not
to run, 'cause with the runnin', I'm doin' time to face my
shhh an' get my freedom back for good. I'm done with
this. I'm tired of bein' so sick.
Shout out to the special girl in my life. I'm countin'
on yo' support through this, Baby. Stand by yo' real-ass
ninja. Much love to those who have much love for...
-Lil' Unlucky, San Francisco
From The Beat: You know, if you keep the promise you make here not
to run, to face what you have to face, and to get your freedom back for
good, then you'll be able to change your name from Lil' Unlucky to Lil'
Lucky. It sounds like you have turned one of the most important corners
in life there is — from irresponsible childhood to responsible adulthood.
You may have some falls along the way (we all do), but you are ready to
stand up and keep moving forward each time, and that is a prescription
for a better life. We hope you get reunited with your pops and that it
all work for you.
Every time my son comes to see we he looks sad, and he wonders why I'm not at home
like the other dads. All I can say Is "'cause daddt/ made a had choice. "
Skip's Broadcast: Remaking America
What's goin' on Beat? It's me, the paper eater. Ha ha.
I'm grateful to be alive and well, seein' another day, ya
feel me?
But yeah, a new president just got inaugurated into
office, and he sayin' we gotta remake America. That's all
fine and dandy, you know what I'm sayin', but notice that
he said "we" not "I" — and that's going to be a difficult
task because "we" gotta work together as a unit. It's not
a feat that's capable of being accomplished by a sole
individual, because if that was the case, I would've been
attempted to make a change.
But, however, it is capable of being attempted.
Dr. Martin Luther King changed a lot of things in
America like racism. But unfortunately, racism still exists
to this day. So America was never remade. But in order to
remake or country, we got to change ourselves. We been
waitin' for a black president for so long, but now that we
got one, we gotta change how we live, how we eat, how
we treat each other and then America could be remade.
America has the title, "The land of the free and home of
the brave," but now I'm ready to leave America.
-Skip, San Francisco
From The Beat: You've put your finger on it. Skip. Without change within
ourselves, there can be no national change. Leadership like Obamas (or
Dr. King's, or yours) can help to move things forward, but that's all they
can do. The rest is up to all of us. By the way, we encourage you to
leave America, but only so you get a perspective outside the country,
experience other people and cultures, broaden your experiences. But
we don't want you to leave permanently, because thinkers like you are
exactly what the country needs!
Words Kill
You talk a lot of smack
But I don't think you know
All the anger and pain
That I refuse to show
I stand there and take it
Pretending to be strong
I hold in all my feelings
Even though I know it's wrong.
One day I snap
I can't take it anymore
I scram at you in anger
Bang! The gun falls to the floor
Suicide or murder?
Which happened tonight?
Which ever happened it doesn't matter
It still wasn't right
Words may not kill
But they might cause someone too
So make sure you watch what you say
Because next it may be you!
-Bumble B, Land Of Enchantment, New Mexico
From The Beat: Nice poem, and yes, each word spoken can have a
different effect by the way the words are used. It's just sad that such
violence has to be used by someone's words, whether they were used for
good or bad intent.
/EZ=2
Just Who I Am As Karmeisha
Chapter 1 - As I Know
Well let me start out by saying my mom is from the Bay
Area , Oakland exactly. My dad is from Houston, Texas,
which I still wonder why my ma wanted a country ninja to
be her baby daddy.
I asked my ma how she met my daddy, and she said
on BART. Also ,they had talked about having me. Though
my mom had me on March 13, 1992. Which is Friday the
Thirteenth. She said he thought she was going to die, since
she lost a lot of blood once I was born. Ma though did not
know that my dad had seven or eight kids which he never
told her about. My auntie GG was the one who name me
Karmeisha.
Chapter 2 - Almost Got Raped
As a kid growing up my grandma raised me. My ma used to
always drop me off with my grandma and run the streets,
smoke weed, and whatever else she needed to do.
I still think back to the time when I was five or six years
old when my ma had dropped me, my brother, and sister off
at her friend's house. My brother at this time was three or
four years old, and my sister was a baby.
My brother's name was Larry and my sister's name
was Kalisha. I guess my ma name her Kalisha because she
wanted her name to be like mine, which I hate. Though
they had the same daddy and he was from West Oakland to.
His name was also Larry. Well, back to me. As I was saying
my ma had left us at her friend's house.
Once she left Larry and me than had dinner. Her friend
had a lot of kids in her house that night., so when it was
time for bed me and my brother needed to share covers
and sleep on the floor. There was like four other kids in
the room. This boy was older than me. He lay in bed right
next to me, and he kept trying to have sex with me and was
feeling on all of my private parts.
I was afraid and said "If you don't stop my grandma will
kill you."
He than said "It's okay if we do it, I do it all the time
with my sister"
.My brother had said leave my sister alone while I was
crying. He then slapped me. Then an adult came in the
room and said "boy lay on the floor that's my bed. So I was
happy no more torture.
Chapter 3 - The Truth When I Told Ma
My ma had finally picked us up. I was so happy to see her
face, though I knew she would have been mad when I told
her what happened last night.
I said "Ma, I need to tell you something."
She had responded by saying "what?"
I then told her that the boy kept on touching me and
how I told him to stop. Also how he slapped me. My ma was
very upset and was like "Why you did not tell me as soon
as I came to pick y'all up?"
I just said "I don't know"
Ma then told me not to tell grandma, though I knew I
was going to tell her. She said that we would go over to his
house and she would tell his momma. As we got there she
told his mom and she had just said she would whoop him.
Chapter 4 - Grandma and Grandpa Out
Since my ma lived in Oakland she needed to drop me off in
Frisco. That is where my grandma stayed. We had moved
from the 80's in East Oakland when I was five years old.
My grandma used to love to go to Eastmont Mall to buy me
cute hair stuff, so when I finally got to my grandma I took a
bath. I called my grandma Momma, though, since she was
the one taking care of me, which my ma should of did.
When I got out the tub though I told my momma what
happened. She was mad and shocked at the same time.
I then knew she wasn't mad at me, but she was
disgusted with my ma. She then told my grandpa. This is
my step grandpa though he raised my ma and them when
they were kids to. My grandma had three girls and one boy.
My ma was the youngest he was now taking care of me. So
since he had a car we went to General Hospital.
Chapter 5 - At The Hospital
When we arrived at the hospital my grandma had then
explained to the nurse what happened. So then the nurse
had examined my private area. Come to find out nothing
was wrong with that area. Thank goodness. So that meant
I still had my v-card. Though the nurse recommended I go
through counseling, since what happened to me. So my
grandma got all the information she needed.
Chapter 6 - Going To Court
After all of what happened my grandma decided to take my
ma to court. So she could lose her parent guardian rights.
My momma (Grandma) told the judge everything: how my
ma is a unfit parent, smoke weed, and everything else the
judge needed to know then my ma had lost her rights. She
was then very mad and sad.
My ma had the rights to see me on the weekend and for
me to be ale to spend the night for a day or two. Though
sometimes when we met up downtown Frisco waiting for
my mama and grandpa she would never show up. Then I
would be sad and cry. She would always say she did not
have the money to get to Frisco or that my grandma said
that I did not want to see her. Which was both lies.
Chapter 7 - Me In The 1st and 2nd Grade
Well I had went to John Muir Elementary School. My
school was located in Fillmore on Webster Street located
in Fillmore. On Webster Street which was the Western
addition area. Though I have lived in Bayview, which was
a very bad area. My favorite teacher was my kindergarten
teacher Mr. Steve. He was gay I think, and I was one of his
favorite students. People use to always bully on me and
eat my food that my grandma had made me for lunch. I felt
stupid because I could not talk like normal kids, also not
that many people could not understand me. So I needed to
go to speech therapy in the 1st and 2nd grade. Once I got
better at talking than I was better at speaking and English
was my favorite subject in school then.
Chapter 8 - My Best Friends and 5th grade
When I was in 5th grade I had two best friends. They
names was Merry and Lynettne. I had met both of them in
kindergarten. Lynette and I used to always go to the Golden
Gate Park on the weekends. My grandpa used to take me
there and her mom used to take her. My grandma never
liked her mom. She thought she was a big time alcoholic
that used to drink Olde English all the time. Me, Lynettne
and Mary I used to talk on the phone all the time. They was
the only people who could relate to me on stuff. Though
one day me and Mary stopped being friends.
Coming Next Week: Chapter 9 - Ordering $1,000 Dollars
Worth Of Porn
-Karmeisha. Alameda
From The Beat: Thank you so much for sharing your incredible childhood
memories with us. Its so sad that you had to be separated from your
mom, but on the other hand, it seems like mentally she was almost a child
herself. Her love for you was strong, but she just didn't know how to be
that mom you needed. And your grandparents fought for you, but then
[as Beat readers will see in later chapters, they didn't always know how
to take care of you either.) Does knowing that you had the love - however
imperfect - help you stay at peace with your family?
/EZ=2
//// //
Don't know What To Do
Don't know what to do sometimes
don't know what's real or true cant rely on no one
not even your crew they can have you down
and blue and don't know what to do.
Things go down don't know where to turn
it's so hot you can feel the burn
it's so crazy like you seeing two hundred birds
you can be in a serious situation have a violent
confrontation
go to jail and get put in a placement
having family problems don't know how to solve em
you just don't know what to do.
-Young Boobie, Alameda
From The Beat: We like this song Boobie, though you're singing the
blues. Are you able to ever talk with anyone to try to sort some of
this out? We have to say that your own voice is becoming really clear
over time in your writing. You may need to listen to yourself for your
Remaking America
What's happening Beat? I would just like to let y'all know
I feel about the concept of "Remaking America." We can't
just rely on my dog, Obama, to make everything happen
for us. It's just not possible because us as blacks, whites,
shhh, just Americans period are a team.
At this point Obama is just like the leading scorer,
but we are still losing! So we people need to jump off the
bench and help the man out so we can bring home the
trophy. Barack Obama is taking the time out to help us, so
why can't we put in a little overtime to help ourselves?
I have a lot more to say on this subject, but you just
have to wait till next time to hear it.
-Dom, San Francisco
From The Beat: We love the sports metaphor you use in this piece. You're
so right. Unless we do our part (all of us) there's no way the country can
win the game. We can't wait to read the "lot more" you have to say on
this subject. You're a thinker!
My Tragic Life
When I was three, my adopted mom got killed. Three
days later I walked in my dad's room and found him dead.
I didn't know he was dead 'til I couldn't wake him up, so I
went and got my adopted brother. He the one that told me
he was dead. So I stayed with my adopted brother and got
beat and raped for nine years.
When I was nine, I got jumped into a gang. When I was
twelve, my brother and I was walking down the street, and
some gang bangers shot my brother in the head and chest.
He was only eleven. He fell back in my arms. I grabbed his
gun and shot three of them. They said it was self-defense,
so they only charged me on the gun charge.
I got pregnant when I was thirteen, had my son at
fourteen, moved in with my baby daddy on September 7,
'08. My son Ja'kevious Ja'Ray was murdered by two guys
because my baby daddy did something hella stupid. Now
I'm in here and my baby daddy in rehab. That's the story
of a real G.
-Stacia, San Francisco
From The Beat: Whether you're a "real G" or not, this is a tragic story of
a real little girl who didn't have a chance. There is no way you can sort
through these traumas on your own and try to make some sense out of
your life so that you can move beyond the dark past you have endured.
We are honored that you trust The Beat with this sketch of your life, but
we urge you — even beg you — to find professional help in the form of
a psychologist, counselor, or childhood trauma specialist to work with
so that the shadows of the past do not destroy your future. We want to
cry when we read your words, but our tears cannot help you deal with
what you are carrying around in your heart and soul, and neither can
you gang. For that, you need far more than we (or they) can offer. If we
can help you find that professional ear we hope you seek, we will.
Hell Of A Price Tn Live A Short Life
White boy say we gotta pay a price cause we aint livin right
now tell me is that being elegant and polite?
And they say we don't think before we strike
But they sentence our black — to 35 to life.
Now say that aint a hell of a price, damn all I
want to know are we living to live or are we living to die?
In the end you still pay a price whether big or small
we have to pay them all-like
my dead brah Daryus said "we ball till we fall but life
never get's put on pause cause one ninja want to die for
a cause
cause in the hood we got more statistics than major
league baseball."
Bye got to pack and get ready to go to Aunt Rita's house
tomorrow.
RIP Daryus Gone but not forgotten Killed by senseless
violence
-Son of God, Alameda
From The Beat: We hope you keep writing to the Beat. Take care of
yourself.
Growing Strnng
Violence is from nurture. You live by, you die by. We are
all like little seeds. If we plant ourselves in good soil, we'll
grow healthy and strong. And if we plant ourselves in bad
soil, we'll grow weak and immature.
-Steven, Fresno
From The Beat: What a powerful metaphor for growing up, and thinking
about the environment we live in! It seems like the key here is to make
sure we have plenty of good soil for all young people. What elements do
you think make good soil?
Will Ynu?
Will you ever do what you think is good?
Will you ever see what good is?
Will you ever get back that innocence you had as a child
?
Will you ever go to the pen and remember The Beat
Within
Will you ever think the hall as day care
Will you ever go to someone you hurt and say sorry
Will you ever point a gun at a family member
Will you ever ask why do you do the things you do »
Will you ever hate someone you really love ?
Will you ever go to a grace of a friend and spend a night
?
Will you ever go to sleep knowing you might die ?
Will you ever go to jail and make a smile ?
Will you ever go to your own house and sit there
And wish you could go in but know you will get got?
Will you ever sleep in a stolen car
Will you ever have to see your grandma through glass
Will you ever steal a bottle just to get drunk
Will you ever hurt someone to let your anger out
Will you ever be legit and be able to smile in 50's face
Will you ever be able to hold your son or daughter up
high
Will you ever know you are loved by your family
Will you ever be able to forgive your father for not being
there
Will you ever know how to say good bye
Or will you remain the person you are?
-Big Hungry, Alameda
From The Beat: These questions all pierce the heart, and they make you
think, and since we know they're really about you too, we hope you
answer each of these questions one by one, in your heart or for The
Beat! Either way, powerful and moving poem.
/EZ=2
Violence
Wha's up Beat? This the homeboy G writing from the
max. Like always I want give my respect to the homeboys
out there.
Well, I'm going to be writing about violence today.
About violence, I do sometimes think that when you are
not violent that things can turn out better. But it depends
on the situation. Like sometimes actions speak louder
than words. But that doesn't mean that you should do
violent things. Sometimes things just go in that direction,
though, and something violence happens.
I think that violence comes from people. Some people
can't control their anger. Some were just raised and taught
to be violent, or were raised in a bad neighborhood. To me
violence comes from how you were raised or what you
seen. So that's what you know and that's what you follow,
or that's how you go about your problems. It comes from
all the things that could have happened in your life, so it
just builds up and you snap.
I have a lot of history in violence. I am locked up for
a violent crime, facing life. I wish I could've took it in a
different way, but I didn't. So I'm going to have to make
the best of my situation. Well, until next time.
-LIT G, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We think your analysis of why some people are violent
is exactly right, and we're sorry that your models and conditioning
growing up led you to the violence that brought you here. But there
is hope, Lil' G, because if violence is learned, it can also be unlearned,
and non-violent alternatives can be learned in its place. This requires
a desire to learn other ways of approaching our problems, but others
have done it, so we encourage you to explore those alternatives (from
meditation to religion, from counting to ten before acting to talcing
deep breaths and relaxing).
Bad Influences
I first got with my lady at the age of 12. I'm 17 now, but
I was always hanging out with her brother, who was 10 at
the time.
Ever since then I have been like a big brother to him
because he only had his sister (my girlfriend) to grow
up with. He really looked up to me. He started dressing
like me and acting like me. But damn, that wasn't a good
outcome because I grew up as a gangbanger, straight from
the streets of my city.
Now my lady's little brother walks the streets with a
group of homies and flashes his "pano" hanging on his
back side, just like me. I took him to kick it with my
homies from the hood all the time, and he saw how we got
down.
I also used to come to my girlfriend's house late at
night, all beat up (either because I got jumped, or was in a
fight) and he saw all that. Now he's a solid little homie, all
because of me. He has been getting into some stuff, but
he's never been arrested. He's also come home "jumped'
too, and that ticked me off enough to retaliate on the
enemy. But then that would only pump him up more. I
wish I could have stopped him from banging, but it's too
late. He's hard headed, like me.
-Sadly Influential, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: It's not too late, for him, or for you. Clearly, you know
its wrong for him and wrong for you. If he still looks up to you, lead
by example. Show him that there's another way. We know it will take
courage. But all good things require effort, and courage, in one form or
another. What do you think it takes for a single mom to get up everyday,
take care of her kids, work, keep food on the table? For one thing,
it takes a lot of love - for another, a lot of courage. We don't know
what your family situation is like, but you surely know a lot of these
courageous women. So there's a model for you. Be courageous. Say no
to what's wrong. And in doing so, provide positive leadership for your
girlfriend's brother. By the way, thanks for sharing your story. It must
have taken at least a little bit of courage to acknowledge that you've
been a bad influence on someone you care about. Now take that next
step.
Words
I got some words I want to let out
But there's something holding me them down
And they just won't come out
So I say goodbye!
I'm going into this not knowing what I'll find
But I've decided to follow my heart and abandon my mind
And if there be pain I know that at least I give my all
And it is better to have love and lost than to not love at all
In the morning I may wake to smile or maybe to cry
But first to those of my past I must say goodbye
-Lavelle, San Francisco
From The Beat: Although you proclaim otherwise, its clear that you
have not abandoned your mind at all. Its still working in high gear. As
for your heart, it is as evident in your words as the emotions they stir in
us. Put these two wonderful gifts of birth — a big heart, a fine mind —
to a new purpose that benefits both you and the world you inhabit.
Violencia En Mi Vida
Bueno, yo voy hablar sobre la violencia. Yo estoy aqui
encerrado como todos por un crimen que yo hice la cual
en estos momentos me arrepiento dias tras dias y noches
tras noches.
Aparte de que perdi mi libertad, tambien perdi a mi
familia que ahora en estos momentos los necesito mas
que a la drogas. Por eso estoy aqui.
Yo no naci entre gente ratera pero creci entre golpes
de mi mama, insultos de todos. Si puenden imaginarse
que no pude aguantar mas. Me sali de la casa a los dose
afios y desde esa edad empece a vivir en la violencia de
Mexico. Dos afios vivi en las calles porque a los catorse
afios llegue a este pais. Me trajo mi papa q quiero con
todo el corazon. Bueno no les cuento toda mi vida para
tener mas tarde que contarles. jHasta la vista!
From The Beat: Nos encataria saber lo demas de tu vida. Sentimos
mucho que tu vida haya sido tan dificil desde temprana edad. Sabemos
lo que ha de haber sido de tu vida, vivir sin tus padres, y ser vfctima
de la violencia en tu hogar hasta vivir en la cartel. Queremos que sepas
que todos, en un punto de la vida, pasamos por etapas bien duras que
nos nos ensehan mucho y nos ayudan a ser mas maduros. Ahora ya no
eres un niho, tienes el apoyo de tu padre y no hay excusa para que sigas
viviendo una vida que ya no te pertenece. Vive una nueva vida y no
repitas la vida de Mexico.
Vinlence In my Life
Well, I want to write about violence. I am locked up like
everybody is for a crime I committed, which I regret it
day-by-day and night-by-night.
Besides losing my freedom, I also lost my family who
I need more than drugs at this moment. And that's why I
am here.
I wasn't born between bad people, but I was raised
in a world of beating from my mother and insults from
many. You can imagine that I couldn't take it anymore.
I ran away from my house when I was 12 years old
and since that age I started to live my life in more violence
in Mexico. I lived on the streets for two years because I
came here when I was a young teen. My dad brought me
here and I love him with all my heart.
Well, I'm not gong to share more of my life so I have
something else to share later. Until soon!
-Chino, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We would love to know more about you. We are sorry
that your life has been so hard ever since a very young age. We can't
imagine how hard your life has been without a father, being a victim or
the violence in your home and ending up in here. We want you to know
that we all, in some time in our lives, go through hard phases that teach
us a lot and help us become more mature. You're not a kid anymore, you
have the support of your father and there is not more excuses for you to
continue living a life that no longer belong to you. Live a new life and
don't repeat the same story.
/EZ=2
Barack Obama
First, I would like to congratulate you on being President
of the United States of America. Finally we have someone
with a good head on their shoulders that I have trust
in. And for that I know you will put at least an effort in
pursuing my request...
I would like to put your attention that I am a minor that
feels like I need more rights. For I am currently in Juvenile
hall for something I was not even tried for, therefore I had
no time to defend myself. I think that if they are going to
punish us like adults, then we should also have rights
like adults. I'm going to be 18 in a month.
That means I will no longer be a minor, but I want to
help our country as well. As you know the children are
the future so why not treat them fair. Thank you.
-Elena, Alameda
From The Beat: You make a really good point about minor's rights in the
justice system. There is a lot going on in the Supreme Court right now
about what is constitutional when it comes to sentencing for minors.
Standing up and fighting for your rights is so important. Just remember
to do it within the system, or else your point will never get across.
Word
Since I been here, I been reading lots of books. One book
I read made me think about my little brother. In the book
the older brother was kickin' it, and the little brother
always followed his older brother because he wanted to
be just like him. But once that his little brother followed
his older brother, there was a shooting and his little
brother got shot in his head. The older brother was savin'
to himself if he wasn't on the street, that would never
happen.
That made me think when I get out I'm planning to
change so something like they wont happen to my little
brother. That's my plan and I don't care what people think.
I'm doing this for my lil' brother.
-Alex, San Francisco
From The Beat: There are at least two reasons we think this is a fine
piece of writing and of thinking, Alex. The first is that it reminds us
that words matter; they can change a heart and change a life — both
the words you read and the words you write. But the second reason
is that you have seen what it means to really love someone the way a
parent loves a child — to sacrifice things you might want to do for the
person you love. We always say, think about what you would want your
younger brother or sister to do or not to do, and let that guide your own
actions, because they will surely follow your lead. We're proud of you!
Words
What words can do.
Words are very important in a day to day basis.
Words express how we feel and what we do.
Words are what make the world go around.
Words make people feel emotions,
make decisions and be confused.
Words have made me make decisions.
I have made good decisions
based on someone's words, and also bad decisions.
When people give me inspiring words I can do well.
If I receive bad peer pressure I'll do bad.
You either make more good decisions or bad decisions
depending on what kind of people your hanging around.
Making decisions also depends on how you feel.
Feeling a certain way causes different reactions
for different people.
-Jesus, Land Of Enchantment, New Mexico
From The Beat: Word, are, a very powerful tool Jesus, and yes they can
make people do things one way or the other. It all depends on how
people interpret the words that have been spoken. Never assume that
someone said one thing when they meant another.
Shot
I remember when the time I was shot I remember it just like
it was yesterday. I was walking down the street coming from
school and this black van pulled up and started shootin'. I
tried to run. A 22. Automatic hit me in the side I fell and
played like I was dead but blood was leakin from my side.
As I played dead they skirted off leaving black smoke. I
thought I was paralyzed but my cousin came and helped me
to my feet, put me in his car, and took me to the hospital.
They put me in the emergency, as soon as I got there.
-Lil* D, Alameda
From The Beat: Lil D, this sounds like a very frightening experience. Its
effective to talk about events like that. Writing about them is especially
helpful for figuring out how you feel about such experiences and where
you want to take your life. Did this event change your opinion on
violence? What do you think about the prominent amount of violence
that takes place in our city's streets? Try and answer these questions in
reference to your own personal experience. You must be a really strong
person, so, we want to hear more about you and your opinions.
Mao. Son
(Verse 1)
Man, son, I really miss you.
It's a vicious game. One shot.
It took a lot and it left pain.
I wonder - was it your mother, or was it me to blame
while I was chasing the streets' fame.
You wanted to change.
Is there a lesson here I am supposed to chase?
I got too much stress on my chest.
I hope that I can make it.
My son is gone. I can't embrace him.
Memories of you running round the house, naked,
looking in the mirror, seeing you, you seeing me.
You had a part of my humor and my personality.
A splitting image of daddy - a little young me
acting silly and laughing.
Things were always funny to you my baby boy.
You got me stressing.
I'm wondering if I should take my own life
with a Smith and Wesson.
My little boy - you got me guessing.
I know you're sending unconditional love above
for me in heaven.
(Chorus)
I guess this was a lesson for me,
but dear God why did you have to take my good from me?
I reminisce upon his love, giving daddy a hug.
Now don't forget - you'll always be a son of a thug.
(Verse 2)
My life was always messed up. The streets took my father.
Had no one to set the example, no one to follow.
Then my mission was strictly about chasing a dollar,
gripping a Henny bottle, looking for a female to holla'.
There's only one way out, and that's if you make it in.
I got no doubts about seeing my seed again.
Concrete, little boy much more than a friend, teary-eyed,
asking God why did his life have to end.
Feeling hopeless. I'm hopeful my hands delivered the
message,
but my heart wrote it. The sun shines,
so I guess it's a sign to cope with it.
Past times - they never fade away.
Now there's a lot on my mind.
I got to say my only option now is to wait and pray
so I can live my life in such a way.
(Chorus 2x)
-A son, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Sharp writing, clever rhymes, serious subjects. What's
the melody, Mr. Anonymous? Will we get to hear you sing it? Or have
you yet to write the melody to these well crafted lyrics?
// * ////// • // ' /// * «aaB
yy// //
mmffljfflM,0M D»iwtt&,Mi
ite
eat
My Life - Our Life
What's up Beat, Right now I don't really wanna write
on these topics, but don't get me wrong they are great
topics.
I'm gonna write about me almost being finished with
this program. I've been locked up for about for five months.
My release date is in March as of right now. I'm turning
a phase three this weekend so I'll start going home every
weekend. That's something that I'm looking forward to.
After this I'm not ever coming back to jail to sleep
to no toilet. It's a possibility that I may come back to
counsel or run some programs but not to stay.
Being In here isn ' t really a bad thing in a way. Especially
new foundations I've learned a lot of life lessons being in
here but it has also made me miss out on the beauty of
life.
People, especially my generation are moving too fast.
They are in a big hurry to be grown and they think that
money is everything. They are even too busy to "sit back
and smell the roses."
But everybody develops at a different rate of speed so
hopefully they learn as soon as I did, or hopefully before
I did. LoL It took me seven times and almost a year and a
half to learn. Well that's that for now.
-Poohda, Solano
From The Beat: Your thinking is good, and we hope the lessons you've
learned stick! Thanks for all your participation with the Beat, and good
luck — enjoy the beauty of life, the roses, cactus, and all.
,.
Dear President
You don't know me at all, but I know a little about you
I've paid attention to you the most I can, I've seen the
movie about you that helped me learn about you and I read
about you. My name is Marcus and I'm in California.
In December 2008 I feel I made the biggest mistake
in my life that ended me in jail for the third time and this
time in going to camp for 6 months. All I'm trying to get at
is you been talking about change & so have I. That's what
we have in common.
I'm trying so hard to change my life around just like
you are the U.S.A. I would write you more and let you I
know wassup but I know you will never get this letter
anyway. But can I say that I will pray every night that we
both accomplish our goals.
PS. I know you will be busy for the next four years,
but if you write me back in anyway, expect a relationship
between us you will never forget. I have a lot to talk
about.
-Marcus, Alameda
From The Beat: We think President Obama would benefit from having
this written relationship with you, we are sure he could learn from what
you have to say. Write it out no matter what— say it and who knows
who will hear it. Listen to your self on your journey to turn your life
around.
Remaking America
Remaking America means in my opinion to change our
perspective on domestic and foreign policies, and to
also have faith in your country, to do what's right for our
country and world. And also, for citizens to get involved
in things that they feel need to be changed, by getting
involved in your community, local government or any
other means that betters this country or world.
-Swoofy D, San Francisco
From The Beat: This is a wonderful statement of principle. All that it
needs to turn it into a Piece Of the Week is some examples of the kinds
of things you want to get involved in to make things better. Were you
doing some of these things before you came here? Do you want to do
some of these things when you touch down? Like what?
Skip's Broadcast: Words
Man, this my topic. Man, what's up Beat?
The tongue can be deadlier than the tongue at times.
You gotta watch what you say and be careful whose toes
you step on because they may be connected to the ass
you kiss tomorrow, ya dig. But words can reach yo' mind
and heart. Like my girl; she got to me. I asked her why
she love me. She told me I make her secure, even when
I'm in here. I ain't gotta be free to make her smile. That
made my day. Just her words touched me in a way that
actions can't, ya know.
But words can smack you in the face, too. I done seen
people get killed because of what they say so yeah, like
Wayne say, take them shoes off ya teeth and stop running
ya mouth.
-Skip, San Francisco
From The Beat: (You wrote — and we printed — "the tongue can be
mightier than the tongue at times!" Is this what you meant to write,
or did you mean to write the tongue can be mightier than the sword
at times?) Words are, indeed, powerful, and, like you wrote, they have
the power to raise you up or crush you. We're glad your girl feels like
that about you, and we hope you are able to continue to make her
smile when the real work or relationships starts, which is when you are
together.
Hard Life
What's up Beat? Just writing this letter. Tomorrow I have
court. Hopefully, tomorrow goes great at least. Everyone
has doubts on me just because my case is so-called
serious. But I used to put in work for the gang, but now
I changed my life around. But what I hate is that nobody
thinks that I did it... honestly.
If I never been here, I would never change my ways.
But anyway, the only good part about being here is that I
got a new life. Also, I can work towards my future. When
I grow up, I wanna be a wrestler, but everyone says nah.
But you have faith and always prove 'em wrong.
I know I'm ready to come out. They just gotta see
it. Also, every minor and staff still act little I didn't, and
I hate that. I used to be a psychopath killa, but I can
understand. It's hard to believe. Just nobody knows us,
only our self. Everyone calls me "Slowski" just because
I'm last doin' everything, but if they really know me, I
ain't. I just be slow on purpose because, why work fast?
Ain't going nowhere. Nothing's gonna happen, just the
same ya know.
Some people don't believe I was a psychopath because
they see how I act now, but I got my reasons. I did let
Christ in my life and I am working towards my future.
Now just ready to go back home to my loved ones. Already
I did change and I want to change. Everyone just has to
see it. Just gotta keep pushin', gotta keep movin'. Never
give up, always have your head up and work toward your
dream. Look at Martin Luther King and Obama! Wow, big
changes, huh?
See ya later Beat. Just have faith. You're gonna get
out. follow your dream.... I just always say to myself why
did I have to learn this way? Maybe god knows that being
in here is the only way I could change my ways. I don't
really know why, but I did change my ways.
Also, they have no right charging any teen as an adult
because we're young men, not young adults right?
-Moe Joe, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Some people never come to see what you have come
to see — that change is not only possible but necessary, so it doesn't
matter how you came to see it. The good thing is that you do see it
and as you act it, others will see it, too. We agree that it's not right to
treat juveniles like they treat adults in the criminal justice system, but
unfortunately, they do "have the right" because that's how they defined
the law. So, just don't do anything that gives them the power to judge
you at all, and you'll be all right.
// * ////// • // ' /// * «aaB
yy// //
mmffljfflM,0M D»mni&,Mi
Mom's Cancer is Worse
■■
Last time I was here I told y'all about my mom and her
cancer condition.
Well it's worse now, because my sister is causing
drama in the household. She blames my mom for stuff
she didn't do, and then on a school day while moms at
work moves all her stuff to my grandparents house.
It's stressing my mom out and making her sicker.
I'm scared that I'm going to looe her while I am in here
and I don't want that to happen. Like two year ago right
before me and my mom moved to Texas my sister and
brother were living with my mom, me with dad. My mom
decided to let me back into the household and they left
(my brother and sister) I stayed ....which saved my mom
from killing herself. Knowing I still cared, saved her.
-Haley, Alameda
From The Beat: We never knew about that early time with your mom
- and man, that must have been a heavy thing, knowing that you
were responsible for saving your moms life (usually it's the other way
around: The parents do the heavy lifting so the kids can stay kids and
not worry). We hope your mom gets better - but we also hope you don't
blame yourself (or your sister) for her health problems.
Becoming A Man
Beat, man I got to be real. I'm not feeling these topics.
But I got to say some things about what's been on my
mind.
Well, I really don't know where to start, so I guess I
will start on the thought about my family. I been trying
to be strong for them. Also I look at how I hurt them. If
I could go back to the day I started to hurt them, from
the day I got locked up and the pain I put them through,
I would go back in time in a heartbeat. I been through
it all, and I noticed the things I put my family through,
plus I used to feel like a punk because if I was a man
about things, I would've been there for my family and gave
them a helping hand. So I realized a lot by being here and
opened my eyes. So I'm ready for a change and to be a
real family member, not just the type to come and go. I'm
ready to step up to the home plate and be the man of the
house since I'm the only guy in the household, and the
only son.
Well, about the next thought, I been thinking about
my case. But I really be thinking about my wife. I wish
I could've thought about what I was doing and not have
been selfish. Also, I did my crime on our anniversary.
Man, Love, forgive me. I realized my wrongdoings. Also I
been thinking about my future life with my wife. It's been
hard to know our situations that we are both in, but I'm
going to be strong and hold it together.
Well, I'm locked down in this max unit, but last and
not least, I have my thoughts of being a success in the life
I lead. I'm a victim to the system and streets, but that's
not going to stop me. I got goals and they're going to be
completed. That's a promise to myself and my wife. Plus
my family.
One love, one life to all. God bless and love you,
Precious. Also to the people who think life's a game, take
it serious and think twice about the family and loved
ones. Be the one to make it in life, not the ones to be
saying I could've did this and that.
Well to all, stay solid and be strong... Gone.
-Peanutt, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We're sorry it took losing your freedom to give you
the time and opportunity to think about how your actions affect the
ones you love, and why being an adult requires some sacrifices. But
some people never give up their selfish ways, so it encouraging to us to
know that you now understand what you owe to those that have stood
by you, and that you take those responsibilities seriously. You have
graduated from childhood to adulthood. Congratulations!
Dear President
Hey, what's up? I'm writing a letter to you just to hear me
out. I'm in juvi, but believe me, I did and I wanna change.
I lived 15 years a hard life, so I have my excuse. Check it
out.
When I'm 18, I wanna join the World Wresting
Entertainment, WWE. But I wanna spend time with my
loved one before I bounce. Everyone deserves a second
chance in life, and I only used one.
I promise you, I will never come back here again. Just
understand what I've been through. Call my sister; she
lives with my mom. They know I changed. They know
I'm ready. They just have to see god's child and not a
criminal. I'm now a Christian. So I beg of you help me out
and understand.
I've changed, so please check out my life and know I
deserve a second chance. Please, I'm only 15. Please call
my parent Monday-Friday at 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday
anytime. Please trust me. I'm not a waste of time. We all
have dreams and it's not in here. Thank you.
-Joseph, Santa Clara
From The Beat: This is a very heartfelt piece, Joseph, and we believe
you when you say you have already changed and plan to change some
more. But President Obama cannot help you, even if he took the time
to call your sister or your parents. In our system of government, we
are divided between state power and federal power. The President can
intervene in federal prosecutions; he can pardon federal prisoners. But
state prosecutions (like yours) are out of his hands. Its up to you to
follow the new path you're on, even if there are some valleys you have
to walk through before you begin climbing up again. Don't give up your
dreams!
Every
Everyday is another day kicked off of my sentencing.
Everyday I'm telling myself I'm innocent.
Everybody judge me but doesn't know me from a can of
paint.
I'm a innocent black man so everybody need to get it
straight.
Life is like a puzzle and everyone trying to solve it.
Like I said life's a puzzle but call it what you call it.
Everyday people telling me how my life should be.
I live a thug life but I don't know what direction it's in
and I don't feel like myself so what reflection I'm in.
-Young Arco, Alameda
From The Beat: Maybe you can use your time to get to know yourself
better. ..listen to yourself and what you think about and find is really
most important to you— until you feel like yourself no matter where you
are. Each day closer to freedom.
Bring Peace Tn America
What's good? Y'all asking what "Remaking America"
means to me. Remaking America means basically
dying down the violence, including the war. Build more
schools, affordable housing, jobs, is a part of remaking
America. Basically fixing our cities and communities up
and bringing us blacks together so we can stop going at
each other's necks. Basically bringing back peace to the
states.
A big thing to me about "Remaking America" is us
as citizens, taking care of our responsibilities and not
running from them, because in the end they still going
to be there when it all boils down. So, yeah, that's what I
think "Remaking America" is.
-Bri, San Francisco
From The Beat: The most important part of this prayer for a better
America is recognizing that change for the better does not just come
from leadership at the top, but from our own individual efforts at the
bottom. We can tell that you are ready to make your contribution to
"Remaking America."
// * ////// • // ' /// * «aaB
yy// //
mmffljfflM,0M D»mni&,Mi
Natural High
Diabolical is how my state of mind is denned
Knotted and twisted, with no intent to unwind
Inhale, exhale, tasting madness with no repeal
Hypnotic temptation, like a black magic spell
It hits the ultimate depths directly at the core
Confirms the target and lets every last drop pour
Just like an assassin out to settle the score
Proceeding 'til that firm knock on diablo's door
Mi mente's been turning ever since I was born
Y mi corazon bled its way to a deathful torn
Since a youngster by the pafio mi alma sworn
Striking like a sniper who never once cared to warn
Addicted to violence, I'm the one who mocks the silence
Simply walkin' with the dead, as if we formed an alliance
Enemigas draped in fear is a melodic tune to my ears
So I can't help but laugh at the fall of blood-washed tears
I'm on a permanent trip held by a far-from-loose grip
Hit and run, something slick, when them clowns steady slip
Remorse isn't found, even if the darkest corner
surrounds
My pride is profound, even if embattled on rival grounds
A silent alarm is bound to sound, signaling another
round
More madness is downed, bloodshed adding to the
mound
If the pinta should call my name, I'ma hold it down the same
'Cause only a fool perceives gangbangin' as fun and
games
-Grumpy, San Francisco
From The Beat: There is really nothing "natural" about the high you
celebrate in this poem. It's all learned behavior. Except for the pure
chance of where you were brought up or who reared you, you could
just as easily be celebrating the high your enemies feel about you! We
know we cannot shake you from this mad love you have for the code
that was handed to you (though the pinta is far from the only fearful
outcome that could lie just ahead), but we can tell you this without
fear of being wrong: however "hypnotic" and no matter having "no
intent to unwind," even you cannot predict the future. There is only
one certainty in life (besides death itself), and that is the certainty of
change. Nothing remains the same. Count on it!
Misconception
\
I was born in this world declare D.O.A
that god for the doctor that helped me see today
I want to know how I'm suppose to live like this
I never knew I could feel like this.
Time is bad cause of the past but I got to make it
I have to say thank God for every breath I've taken
I love my Gramma, she was there when my mom was
gone
God made sure that I had her, I couldn't be alone
she is wise and I know it she hold'n on strong
I'm 17 years young, mature and my mind is grown
it might be hard to see cause my poor decisions
my whole life been hate my momma's love I'm missin'
and the system thought they know me better than me
but they don't think how I think see how I see
a young man and I gotta develop my senses
so many young people tryin' independence
I'm held back by a rope its hard for me to breathe
tryna find my own purpose who I'm suppose to be
look in the mirrors and I see my reflection
different mirrors different image with the same
complexion
why can't I be me!
-Tae Dump, Alameda
From The Beat: Keep writing and listen to yourself and what you have
to say. Use your time to get to know yourself better, be clear about
what's most important to you. Look for what reflects your inside.
Do Something Productive!
What's really good in the 'hood?
Obama just moved in the White House and they made it
truly understood
They in there and I believe it's gone be for eight years
We need to stand strong and unite as a nation 'cause we
ain't going nowhere
This day is historic and trust we're going to have many more
We have come a long way and I'm truly proud to say I'm
a strong black woman
This place needs to get shut down and we need to help
our people stay out of the mix
It's ridiculous! We need to use our knowledge and start
building
Today is a beautiful, brand new day
Black people, start acting like it! Get off the street!
Do something productive! Ya understand me, maine?
By speaking to y'all, I'm reflecting, so take in the truth
Don't be blinded or fooled
-Kirstin, San Francisco
From The Beat: Its inspiring to read so many pieces by young black
men and women (like you) who see that Obama's election as the first
black president of this country is a call to change from the inside out.
Wouldn't it be a miracle if he brings changes from the top, and y'all
bring changes from the bottom? What wonderful advice you give:
'Don't
be blinded or fooled!'
"X
I Been Really Thinking
I been really thinking while I been locked up
I been really thinking like man this life sucks.
I been really thinking while my social worker trying to
play me
I been really thinking my social worker is boosie
I been really thinkin' do my ma love me
I been really thinking that I'm going crazy
I been really thinking when I gonna have a baby
I been really thinking what the world is coming to
I been really thinking that sometimes love ain't true and
will hurt you
I been really thinking about my life I been really thinking
what I will sacrifice
I been really thinking when I'm gonna die
I been really thinking when I die who will even cry
I been really thinking everyday.
I been really thinking sometimes I got to cry
Maybe I been really thinking about my future
I been really thinking why people got to hurt I
been really thinking everything
I been really thinking that what I will say
I been really thinking all my life
I been really thinking I been really thinking I been really
thinking.
-Karmeisha, Alameda
From The Beat: You're thinking about the mysteries of your own personal
pain and situation, but you're also asking about the deeper mysteries:
Why do people have to suffer? Why is that love is sometimes untrue?
The Beat doesn't have the answers, but we join you in pondering the
questions.
Believe
Barack Obama made history! He is strong. When John
McCain was talking about his wife and kids, Obama kept
his head up and played basketball with old friends around
the country. He is also a leader by telling other races they
can be what they want to be; just believe. He is an idol to
kids. All he want kids to do is believe. I'm gone!
-Hunter, San Francisco
From The Beat: Is Barack an idol to you? What do you hope he can
accomplish? What do you think he hopes you can accomplish?
// * ////// • // ' /// * «aaB
yy// //
mmffljfflM,0M D»iwtt&,Mi
es,
Violence Gomes From Violence
I think violence comes from people who have experienced
violent acts that has happened towards their loved ones,
or who has been taken away. And kids blame this world
for what has happened, like if a family was to be taken
into the afterlife, they take their anger onto people they
dislike or get random people, so they can feel the same
pain you're goin' through.
-Leave One, San Francisco
From The Beat: We agree with your analysis, but wonder if there's a way
out of it. If violence produces only more violence, then war produces
war, the death penalty produces death, family violence produces more
family violence, and street violence produces more street violence. Is
there any hope to change this picture? Any ideas?
\
A Letter To President Obama
If I had a chance to write a letter to president-elect
Barack Obama, I would ask him to please stop the war.
And I would ask him to please help the kids and families
with food and shelter who needs it.
I would congratulate him for being the first black
president. I'm not a racist person, but that's good because
we finally have a black man running things for once.
About fifty or sixty years ago, a black man or a white man
couldn't even drink from the same water fountain. And
on top of that, we couldn't even eat dinner together in the
same restaurant.
-Jb, San Francisco
From The Beat: It is exciting to see the country mature enough to
put race aside, at least enough to elect the best man to be President,
regardless of his color. The "Jim Crow" laws you talk about (making
separate drinking fountains for white and black, for example), were in
the South, but prejudice against blacks has been part of every states
history. We also hope Obama ends the war and helps the poor.
In Reality
What's good with The Beat me chillin'
I'm just getting tired of all the police killin'
talking 'bout they scared
in reality they should be prepared
they killed my cousin shot him six times in his back
that's messed up how they dropped him like that
I'm tired of taking chances
runnin' the streets mess around
get knocked up get a life sentence
I ain't tryin' to be like my Uncle Mark
go to the pen and have to hurt somebody.
-LIT Dre
From The Beat: You're right, you deserve a better fate than what you
describe! Now take this gift for rhyming and tell us a version of your life
story as you WANT it to end up.
Choices And Life
As you may know by now, we have all made some bad
choices that we regret. Everything we do is a choice.
Anger and violence is not an excuse, it is a choice. Yeah,
I know life gets hard sometimes — not enough clothes,
money, food. You know, some of the same things we teens
go though in the ghetto,
I know you got that greasy dude that always got
something to say out of pocket. Now just think before you
start to smash, think he might like you... Choices then in
his shoes. It's a loud-mouth girl, breath stanking and all,
but think before you hurt her face. Think choices.
-Dorothy, San Francisco
From The Beat: If you see the choices you made that led the system to
make its own choices (to put you here), what new choices do you see
making when you touch down?
The Outs
I miss the outs and I miss my family too. I haven't been
to my hometown in so long that I forgot what it's like out
there. My mom won't come visit me so I don't see her at
all. But I still see my dad. It feels like I'm tapped in the
system and I can't get out.
I've been here eight times and ever since I started
going to placements I've been coming back, My group
home staff treated me wrong, so I left and I'm in trouble. I
know the homies miss me but they can't come visit me.
So far I've been here for almost three months and I
still have no idea where I'm going. My PO never comes
to talk to me or my parents. It seems like my PO doesn't
care at all. I've been waiting so long. I just want to get
out!
When I go to my placement I'm going to work hard so
I can get released because the sooner I get out the faster,
I got to see my family and my homies. It feels like I'm
getting struck down every time I call somebody and they
don't pick up. That just pushes me farther away from the
outs.
I know that my family is getting hurt by my actions,
because they have to pay for all my actions since I'm still
a juvenile. Hopefully I'll get out soon within a month.
-Froggy, Alameda
From The Beat: We really feel your pain in this piece, lockdown loneliness
can break a persons heart. But you write so well, and it sounds as if
you're gaining real wisdom in here. What specifically are you going to
"work hard" at, to help you stay out of the system?
GOILEtl!
\
Dear Mr. Obama,
My name is Ericka. I am so happy you are our New
President, because it has been very hard for us black
people to go to certain college, and I want to go to
Spellman and become a doctor.
I want to help kids with ADHD problems, because they
need some one to really talk to instead of just doping them
up on a lot of medication that they really don't need.
And it's hard for us 4.0 students to get into certain
colleges because we are either not good or we don't have
the money to go there . A person who can play ball good
can get a scholarship to go to a good college but a 4.0
can't. That's wrong but I hope you will change that soon
thank you.
-Ericka, Alameda
From The Beat: Good point Ericka. College tuitions just keep rising and
rising , and we hope that Obama can help fund scholarship programs
while he is in office. As for helping people with ADHD - tell us more -
what do YOU think of as a better alternative to drugs?
My Problems
So much anger up inside me, I'm startin not to care.
Trust nobody because I'm in a negative state
Mind so sick I just rob, kill, and hate
Stuck in that mentality, all I know is the block
How to chop down zips and bag them rocks
How to get that money, cause this shhh don't stop
How to duck the police when the block get hot
How to stay away from the fake, and ride wit the real
How to live in the hood and still stack a mill
These just my problems, but I gotta stay cool
Cause I'd rather die a beast, then live like a coward.
-Austin, Solano
From The Beat: These problems sound like a deadly trap and you might
need that beast energy to overcome them. You call them problems, so
we wonder if you can ride with the real part of yourself, using all your
courage — what kind of life you could come up with.
// * ////// • // ' /// * «0K
yy// //
mmffljfflM,0M wiwtt&Mi
Time For A Change
It's 2009 and its time for a change
I remember them days on the block
Pushin' cocaine
It ain't that I'ma bad kid
I just needed some money
being broke you a joke
And I ain't never been funny
The hall ain't coo it be drivin' me crazy
In my room can't sleep, thinking bout my baby
It's time for a change like Barack Obama
If it ain't for myself I'ma change for my mama.
-Lil' Fred, Alameda
From The Beat: We hope you keep this wonderful poem with you so you
remember the promise you make in it forever! You write here that you
did what you did because you needed money, so does that mean you are
going to look for a job first thing?
An Ugly Day
Today was an ugly day. The reason why I say that is
because I saw my mom limping . It hurt my heart to see
my mom limp. I wish I could take the pain away from her
and it can come to me.
I was happy to see and hug my mom for the first time
in six-months. But to see that made me hurt inside. I pray
and hope that God blesses and times her leg because it's
terrible. I love you Mom. Pray, stretch, stay strong.
-Elton, Alameda
From The Beat: On the one hand, what you're saying hurts to read
because yes r that must have been terrible to see. On the other hand,
what shines through here is how deeply you love each other: Her
because she came to see you, even with her hurt leg, and you because
you took your mind off your own pain to worry about hers. That is what
love is all about - caring for others. Peace.
Is This The Life I Want?
Is this the life I want to live?
To sit here wandering if I am going to see my kids?
Sticking up for other people,
Fighting for others,
This world is stupid for fighting over colors!
Blue and Red, and now black and white,
It's like they have OJ and we have Barack.
It gets crazier as days go by
But being in JJC time never flies
So now I am growing, because I'm not a kid,
And I am asking myself what kind of life I want to live.
-Terrance, Fresno
From The Beat: There are so many things we do not notice as children,
things that seem ridiculous as we get older. We are glad that you see
them now and want to know what you will do next.
Hard Questions for Obama
,.
What makes you think you could stop the war that is
going on right now in the middle east? America went to
war because they wanted to find Saddam Hussein and kill
him.
Now you guys have accomplished that. Besides Bin
Laden who's the next person you want to go after that you
think is a threat to the United States?
Now that you are the President are you going to make
the jail system strict and have people do a lot of time? Or
are you going to make sure the jail system gives kids and
adults probation release and parole releases more often?
-Farhad, Alameda
From The Beat: We chose that title because you pull no punches - It's
true. It's one thing to make promises, its another to actually clean up the
mess, both domestically and internationally. Do you have suggestions
for what you think he SHOULD do?
Violence...
There is a lot of violence in this world
You get it if you're cold
Blooded on these streets but
It ain't the way to go
Go on with your life
Live it happy and be nice
Cause if you make one wrong movie
You might get 25 to life
Life isn't worth it
I bet violence hurts your heart
Because MY insides are hurtin
So stop all this violence
Cause this ain't the place to be
Same thing everyday
I'd rather be with family
Just think of what I said
And keep violence out of your head
I'm not suicidal but I'd rather be dead...
-Tork, Fresno
From The Beat: Your poem is deep. It got us thinking about our own
situations in life. Keep your head up. Once you get out, you can make
a fresh start. Remember too that in order to get to a place where you
feel happy, you first have to go through a bumpy road. Life is worth
everything, and like you said, "go on with your life, live it happy and
be nice."
I Wish Dr. King Could See His Dream
Us black folks been slaves since the 1500's.
In 2009 we got our first president. I wish Dr. King was
here so he could see his dream, but I forgot he could he
lookin' down on us right now. So Rest In Peace Dr. King,
we all comin' together and we got a new black leader.
Barack Obama.
I'm proud to be here in 2009, another day another
shine my name is Spiderman and I'm proud to be black
but most of all I'm proud to be alive.
-Spiderman, Alameda
From The Beat: Beautiful homage to Dr. King - and it's good that we
remember all the people like Dr. King who paved the way for the election
of a black president. You are the next generation to carry the torch. Tell
us what you plan to do!
Mnre Violence Decause
I think it's more violence than nonviolence because
where we live people always want to show people that
they aint no mark or no punk. So they always are trying
to fight and buss people, it ain't going to ever change.
Violence is going to be around for a long time.
Sometimes people are born violent but must of the time
they're not born that way. It's just the people who raised
them or the people who they grew up with that got them
that way.
Living in Oakland everybody should know what
violence is like, because we all lost most of our family
and friends to violence for example: a good kid with good
grades who is growing up in Oakland will hang around
the wrong people one of his friends might give him a gun
and tells him to buss somebody and most likely he will
do it, so he wont feel like a punk. So say he does and
kills someone, just 'cause his friend tells him to. That's
another person gone because of violence.
-Young Leader, Alameda
From The Beat: Its definitely a problem that others can dangerously
pressure people into doing things they don't want to. Your example of
the "good kid" is really powerful. Its a perfect sample of how quickly
peoples' lives can change. Also, you discuss the intense influence that
friends have on friends. You say that it's never going to change, but do
you think there's any way people can stand up to this pressure?
mi/ //
What Needs to Change
The government is slowly dismantling the constitution.
People don't see how it's happening but it is, and
that's what's going to need to change. They say that the
FBI can issue a warrant and don't even need evidence,
that's violating our civil rights.
The police on the streets are doing these illegal
searches, shooting people for no reason, that's enough
that needs to change.
Violence needs to end, people need to stop killing.
The end.
-Lil' Al, Alameda
From The Beat: A lot of human rights have been bent or violated by the
government in recent history. It seems that this is soon going to change
with Obama as president - he's already taken measures to limit instances
of abuse of power. But on the flip side of the government abusing their
rights, people who rob or use violence towards the innocent are also
abusing their rights. There are two sides to this battle.
To Obama- Make Every Unit An Honor Unit
I think every unit in juvenile hall should have the same
every unit in juvenile
privileges as the honor unit. For example the honor unit
can have cd players and get to have their own soap and
own shampoo and their own food sometimes.
The other units in juvenile hall do not have the
privileges that the honor unit has. The regular units have
to use the Alameda county goods.
Also the honor unit has visiting for four days a week.
And the others unit only has visiting 2 days a week. I
think all the units should be equal.
-Chris
From The Beat: This is an important issue you are raising. The whole
concept of "jail" is that it is a terrible place that no one would want to
go to, and therefore, people change their ways so they don't have to
come back. Do young people in the honors unit hate jail less than other
inmates? What impact do these priviledges have on the youth in here?
We'd love you to write more on this topic...
Non Violence Speaks To Me
I think nonviolence is more effective because less people
die or get injured. That would make a huge difference in
the world. Everybody would stop dying.
Violence comes from anger, money and respect.
Some people have anger problems which cause them to
act violent. If someone wanted money they'll try to get
it in a violent way. Or you could owe somebody money.
People act violent just to seem cool or do it because they
don't have nothing else to do. Young people learn how to
be violent from hanging around in the wrong crowds or
being in the wrong place.
I don't have a history of violence because I'm a caring
person. I don't believe in violence. I learned that you can
solve your problems without fighting.
-Kilunta, Alameda
From The Beat: We're glad you choose nonviolence. The more people
that choose that path the better it is for everyone. What do you think
you can do to spread this belief around? What can you say to people to
convince them to give up the violence?
Damn!
\
What's crackin' Beat? Damn, they got your boy still up
in the max, just postin' and waiting for court tomorrow.
Hopefully they drop the fitness, so I can stay being in the
juvenile system and just go to the Y and start my time.
Damn Beat, I was trippin' out the other day when I
heard my boy P came up in here. I was just like damn these
cops must've gotten all out on that case. But whatever! I
just hope he plays it smart and just takes what he gets
and does his time.
Damn, Beat I basically grew up in here. Now that I
think about it ever since I was very young comin in, out,
through this hell. It's kind of funny now that I think about
it. I was in 8th grade and very young, I thought I was the
shhh. No one could tell me what to do. I thought.
I felt I was on top of the world. Stealing cars is how my
criminal career started. Damn, imagine that I didn't even
know how to drive, could've died a good couple times, but
I'm still here doin' my thang.
I remember the first time I heard those words "the
youngest from the hood." It felt like I know anything and
everything about anybody ha-ha.
Damn I wish I had someone to put me in check
through out my life like an older brother or a constant
father figure something.
Maybe someone would've taught me how to survive
instead of learning the hard way, but sometimes the hard
way is the best way to become wise.
Hopefully this court goes well tomorrow and I get
sentenced to my number, and be out around 2012-2014
approximately if everything goes well for me, who is trying
to maintain.
Well right now I'm just tryin'to get my mind and body
right so whatever does happen I'll be ready.
Hopefully I don't get more than five years, so if I do
get a 5 years, that means I'll probably have to do a 3 year
minimum to be eligible for parole, but whatever happens
I'm ready for it. Well I'm out...
Truly and respectfully
-Eagle, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Well, whatever you did in the past, should stay in the
past. Now, you're not "very young" anymore. You are facing something
serious -possible adult time. And if we were you, we wouldn't be saying
this as if it wasn't a thing. Your childhood was dumped away. Don't throw
away what's left of you. Ok, you didn't have a positive guidance in your
life, but what about now? You are wiser from your own experiences.
You're not longer a kid, you are just a few steps away from becoming
an adult, and possible in the court's eyes you are an adult! Damn, you
should start acting like one! Life is only one. Once it's taken away, it's
over. There is no coming back. Get it?
// * ////// • // ' /// * «aaB
mmffljfflM,0M wiwtt&Mi
Violence Is Life
My life is violent but violence is life,
why you so quick to pick up the knife.
You think you're a 'G'
'cause your dickies sag and you locked up.
They ain't no need to brag.
ou think you're a badass 'cause you dropped out of
school,
but in reality that ain't even cool.
You want to be an OG in which you thrive always.
Packin' heat, to stay alive,
Flyin' your colors
tryin' to keep it real.
Sooner or later you gonna get killed.
Tip ya hat sideways, always stayin' true,
you got black shoot'in black, white shoot'in white,
we all in this position man.
Think about the words I just said
'cause your time is running out and soon you'll be dead.
This is young Wedo and I'm telling you all the truth. You
need to change your life before it's to late and it is only
too late if you're dead, I'm out.
-Wedo, Land Of Enchantment, New Mexico
From The Beat: Good advise Wedo, but remember to follow your own
advice when you get out. Keep in touch on how your doing when you
get out.
Remaking America
It's all about change,
it starts within the people,
being of one mind frame.
Peace on earth is what most people want to live with.
Obama is president and is on the lure
to bring together all nations lure to stop immigration.
Lure to stop racism,
to stop white and black 'cause deep down there's
something we all lack.
Lack to get along 'cause the color of our skin tone,
all people have 226 bones and at some point everyone
wants to be left alone.
Obama is for change,
white or black,
we now have a president that doesn't lack,
doesn't choose sides, America is now on the rise.
-Lil' Dizil, Alameda
From The Beat: This is a really good piece - thanks for sharing with
The Beat. You have a talent for writing phrases, now see if you can
translate that into whole poems that really flow together.
\
Letter To The President
Dear Barack Obama
I feel like we can improve our United States. As a
individual I feel like we shouldn't have to pay so much
money to go to college. I think most of our hopes of going
to college is lower by the cost of the school term. Some of
the ways to improve it is to work down our cost.
I want to do something with my life but if I don't get
a scholarship my chances are pretty much over. If I don't
get all the money my chances are over.
Knowing that you are our president I want to consider
lowering our cost for college. If you can help some people
I want you to help me so I can do something with my life.
Thank You
-Marqise, Alameda
From The Beat: We agree education should not be costly! Education
should be free. You need to find an advisor who can help you find
scholarships and assist you in the application and financial aid
process.
Man...
Man, Beat, being free, no cell feels hella better than
sitting in this cell, looking at a window you can't be in,
plus a toilet and sink mixed with a mirror made of steel
and a hard steel seat with a steel table thing.... four hooks
and two vents and a eighteen-inch shelf!
What kind of shhh is this. I been through the old hall
time and time again: Six times, and now I'm back in the
new hall for my sixth time and I'm just starting to see
this ain't cool. If I would have seen what I see now I would
have never come back.
Now that I'm here it's like they're making it more like
Rita. They got commissary! What the hell!! What does the
government want to do, they want you to feel at home so
you want to come back. Next there going to allow cell
phones or something stupid like that ...man the system
is twisted they all about money they don't want you to do
good, they want you back and back and back until you hit
Santa Rita or the pinta
-Big Hungry, Alameda
From The Beat: If that is what they want, then what are you going to do
about it? Are you going to let yourself get caught up again, and become
a victim of the system? Time to live up to your name: Bigger than the
system, and Hungry for a better life. Peace.
Violence
Violence comes from a community that has a lot of gang
members. Violence builds up a lot and keeps on going
throughout the community. It starts by older people and
passed down to the younger generation, and it keeps
going.
We aren't born to be violent, but we live through it,
and we keep on going through it. Maybe we are abused
and we have to take control some way - and we just go
through it and take charge.
Well, violence is everywhere and there is no stopping
it. Maybe one day it'll happen.
-D, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Thanks for this powerful piece. When you observe that
violence is passed down from older people to younger people, maybe
you've hit the key. What would happen if you didn't pass the violence
on to those who are younger than you? You already seem to recognize
that violence is not a good thing. That "one day" you mention in your
last line might be up to you. Don't pass it on, D. And walk away from
it in your own life. Talk with your friends about it. Your friends aren't
the beasts that some adults imagine. They hurt. They bleed. They have
emotions. Start a movement. The biggest movements start with one
person, then a few, and finally, many.
Sitting in the Hall
Sitting in the hall
Looking at these four white walls
When I lay down I see my dreams
And see me delivering my new broh baby boy
Loving him and holding him
At the group home that my probation officer placed me
Staying clean off crack and being the young black queen
I can be
Going through my days with my head up high
If anybody wants to ask me questions about my life
I will answer you and I will not deny
How I feel down but I got back up fighting for my dreams
and my goals
I know if I put my mind and heart to it
I know I will achieve
-Ella, Alameda
From The Beat: This is an inspiring piece, thanks for sharing with The
Beat. You can be a great parent if you follow through on all that you
write about. Don't lose sight of these goals and you'll come out on
top.
y/////
Crazy Weather
At night, by the fire, the rain is heard beating against the
window pain.
I'm all alone and going insane.
I can hear my heart hitting the inside of my chest, like a
hammer.
I ask myself: why is this happening? What's the matter?
Alone, alone by the fire with nothing to do, but feeling
tired.
The only thing keeping me calm is the relaxing
sound of the winter wind, and tree branches snapping
like bones.
Hmmm... weird, a crow standing outside, on the window
sill.
I ask myself - is he going insane, staring at the fire with
his beady black eyes.
The clock is ticking. Just a matter of time before he
dies.
There's a storm in some human form.
Is it God making this weather, from heaven, on this day,
December 7?
-Sammy, Santa Cruz
From The Beat: Nifty writing Sammy. Those branches snapping like
bones make us wince. And we're feeling bad for that old crow. But we're
glad you've been struck with writing fever. May you never recover from
such a healthy disease.
Dear Mr. President
..
I watched your inauguration on TV, the other day. You had
had really good speeches. We even had a little function in
here for your inauguration. And we don't really celebrate
much here.
I really like your willing to help the juveniles and the
juvenile system because I believe that we as teenagers
still have long lives to live. When the system charges
us as adults, it doesn't give us a chance to try and get
rehabilitation. That's why I am interested in your beliefs.
It feels good to know that someone is willing to help
out big time. And ever since the election was going on, I
realized a lot of stuff is possible, and it also opened a lot
of doors for me. So I just want to let you know that you
have a lot of supporters.
-D, Santa Clara
From The Beat: You're rightl! When we are young, we all make mistakes
and we all need a second chance in life. We hope his views on changing
this country get to become reality. As a supporter, how are you going
to support his ideas to become a reality? We hope he gets to read your
appreciations about his plans for the nation. Like you said, everything
is possible. So, what are your plans?
Dear Mr. President
Hi, my name is Elijah. I just wanted to say that I am proud
of you becoming the first African American president.
I told my whole family to vote for you. I can now look
up to you. You have changed history in the whole USA.
I had to write an essay about you and Dr. Martin
Luther King, Jr. About the comparison and differences
about you two men. You two got a lot of similarities and
differences. I hope there will be a holiday after you. I
watched your inauguration. It was really cool. I think you
will be a great president.
-Elijah, Alameda
From The Beat: That essay sounds really intriguing, Elijah. Tell us some
of the similarities and differences you found in Obama & MLK. We're
sure that essay was packed with interesting ideas, we want to here
them too!
Loves & Kids
Love is a word that is so easily skims across or lips.
Rucas (girls) cut their wrists for it.
Vatos try to fill for it.
Notes professing devotion are passed in the hallways,
dropped are passed in the hallways,
dropped on desktops
or places discreetly inside school folders.
It doesn't take much: a women brushing her hair,
the sniff of a vato's cologne and after school walk,
and we're in love.
Babies are easy too.
Many homegirls become mothers,
although they are unfinished children.
Whatever comfort and warmth they lack at homies
also withheld from their babies.
Girls drop out of school.
Homeboys become fathers even in their early teen.
But there's nothing at stake for them;
at the most, having a baby is a source of power, for rep,
like trophies on a mantel.
-Chuko, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Great peace Chuko! What inspired you to write this? Are
you speaking form experience?
Violence: Nature or Nurture
Violence comes from a lot of places. Sometimes it comes
from households. Some people come from dysfunctional
families with a lot of drama in their lives. As a
kid you don't know much and when you see someone
close to you acting up and doing a fool, you want to be
like them, especially if there isn't a positive rule model
around. Some are born that way. Like if you was born and
later on in life everyone realized you have a short temper
that could result in violence. Because when I get mad I
want to do harm to the enemy but in situations like this,
being in the hall, I have to think.
Some young people learn violence from their friends
or are pressured into doing violent acts. The bottom line
is that violence is going to always be around. Mainly
because they're not getting what they want from family or
cannot get a job and don't have enough money or cannot
find a way out. So they want to hit licks to make money.
Well that's it for now. Shout out to all my southern
hommies.
-Loony, Alameda
From The Beat: Loony, thank you for sharing this thoughtful piece
with us about all the reasons people commit violent acts. Do you think
people can learn how to be less violent? Have skills like improved
communication, anger management and meditation helped you feel
more peaceful?
'smnonuTSi
//<?/ //
America Needs Change
\ Words
Remaking America what that means to me it means that
they are going to make America way better than today's
America because America needs change.
I think that words are more powerful when you are
outside and not when you are locked up because when
you are locked up they won't really believe nothing you
would say because they say you are locked up for a reason.
So that's why words are more powerful on the outs.
I think that people learn violence. I think that violence
is not good in this life because it gets you no where. The
only place that violence takes you is jail and you don't
want to be in jail because you feel really lonely and sad.
Because you don't have your family with you.
-Rigoberto
From The Beat: Do you plan to make the changes you need to make
to stay out of jail? If we all change, then America would have to be
different.
.
Remaking America...
By Obama being president now and him stating that he is
going to bring change into the world. I feel that he brought
forth strong words to this world to make more changes in
society and change for us younger people like bring more
programs to the community and giving chances to these
kids that didn't have that type of opportunity in making it
in life. That's how I feel about Obama saying he is going
to make changes.
-Vaikele
From The Beat: Yes, we hope for more opportunity and strength in
communities as well! We have to be part of this change.
What America Has Tn Offer
I take a shhh I wipe my ass with America
ninjas think I'm hysterical but I'm just lyrica
I been in this world looking for a miracle
'cause I sell this white snow tryin' to feed my son on the
go
I've been in struggle but ninjas never know the trouble I
go thru
tryin to get my son and some food so we can have a
feast
but ninja's look at me like I'm a animal like I'm a beast
so they lock me in a cage but they can't feel me rage rise
but when I look into my son's lonely eyes
the only thing I could possibly do is cry
that's why I sit back and refuse to listen to lies.
-Momo
From The Beat: This piece just breaks our heart, Momo. Your skills are
still dazzling, and we KNOW how much you love your son. Of course
you want to give him the best life you can, but what he needs most is
to his daddy, free. So it's time to find a legit grind - can you do it? Have
you talked to your PO about help finding a job?
Violence: Nature Or Nurture
I think that violence comes from scary ninjas because
the scariest ninjas will kill you first. Most people use it
to prove that they bad but when you ask them why they
did what they did they be like cause so and so told me
to, they be snitches too you can't trust em. They hear
of the next ninja and try to be just like 'em. Most ninjas
just came off the porch they wet behind the ears. That's
confident I keep what I do in the streets to myself.
-Lil' Marv
From The Beat: We too think it's scary that someone will kill because
someone told them to. This makes the streets more dangerous it seems...
whether you keep what you do to yourself or not.
Words get people hurt. Words get people killed. Words
can make people feel good. Words can make you feel bad.
Some words you can ignore and some you can't. Take it
how you want. Words are just words.
-Profit Means Money
From The Beat: You say they are "just" words, yet also acknowledge
they have the power to hurt and kill.. .or bring pleasure. What does
"prophet" mean?
Didn't Give Up un His Dream
If I had a chance to write the president I would say how
proud I am of him he has came a long way and he didn't
give up on his dream. I'm glad he made history, the first
African American president-and I hope he makes the
economy better so I can get a job when I get out of jail.
I know his dad's country is happy that someone
from their country has made it. I hope he buys them all
houses and just do better than Bush and yes it is time for
a change.
-John
From The Beat: What kind of job are you going to be looking for when
you get out? We hope the economy gets better too— and that there will
be more opportunity for everyone.
In The Dux
Sick of being locked up, and man I gotta get a job.
Mom's and my kid is all that's running through my
thoughts. C
ouldn't do it myself so I guess the system is demanding
me.
Gotta learn to survive and provide for my family.
I struggle to keep my sanity and happiness I guess I never
really had it.
Growin' up in the streets I took my freedom for granted
But I stay solid To God I keep my faith, 'cause in the end
he got a plan
and I know I'ma change.
So I walk tall 'cause I'm solid. Yeah I bang what I bang
so I follow my structure. Man I'll never drop my head.
It's crazy how much that lil' box can 'cause so much
stress
-Mousie
From The Beat: Great poem, and as hard as it is to see you back in here,
we do welcome you back to our pages. Now how you going to balance
wanting to stay loyal to what you bang and also stay loyal to the plan
for change you have in your heart. Can they go together? Are they in
conflict? Is there a way to do both?
Obama
I think Obama is going to be a great president he is truly
going to change America a lot of people gone hate but hey
that should make him do it more.
Man I've been thinking bout my love for so long only
she can make me change. What I really want is a baby I
guarantee I slow down in everything I do cause I would
be with my girl and my baby— shh my momma can't even
make me change she in jail her self. Well I'm getting mad
so let me end. To everyone that know me I love ya'll and
stay up.
-Lil Tonio
From The Beat: We can't wait for change ourselves, and are determined
to be part of that change. On the personal note: kids are beautiful and
really can help you keep perspective about what's most important. It's
hard to be parents though, and you owe it to any kid, and your self to
get yourself well situated before you have a baby. Then yesi make a
family and start a new life.
'smnonuTSi
//// //
Dedication
\ To The Fullest
This dedicated to Irv. '
'Cause if I give you this then this fifteen you gone served
locked down in yo' room, no books, bright light
its called wall therapy four walls all night
this is the unit where the adults tell the kids what to do
I'm going home tonight I don't know about you
I got the coke white air forces and an orange shirt on
we teach education so put your thinking cap on
-Carlos
From The Beat: It's good you can joke around with staff - it shows that
its not all bad, even on loclcdown. But now that you have your thinking
cap on, what are you going to think about?
Dear President liana
\
I want to congratulate you for being our new African
American president.
I would like to change my community. I would like it
to change by not committing crimes, not robbing people,
being respectful, being there for our families and children.
You can help us to do that by putting more activities out
there for us instead of us going to jail and doing crimes
like after school programs, etc...
Thank you and good luck President Obama.
-Baby Thickness
From The Beat: We're seeing a lot of Beat writers express this request.
Having positive things to do will definitely help you stay out of trouble.
But since this doesn't exist right now in your community, what can you
do on your own? Look for a job? Read? Teach yourself about things
that interest you?
Don't Do Drugs
People be bout actin' hard when they be off that bulooshy
poppin' pills
lookin' hecka stupid when they can't find they grills
smoking on grapes feelin' hecka dumb when they money
ain't straight
sippin' on bo' lookin' lightweight mental movin' all slow
so don't do drugs if you can't handle 'em just sit back
...and stack.
-KeeKee
From The Beat: You and The Beat are of the same mind/So long as you
stack on a legit grind/cause dirty money is another kind of drug/turn a
bright young star into a burnt out thug.
Violence: Nature Or Nurture?
Violence can happen no matter what.
Violence can be necessary, but at times it shouldn't
happen.
Violence comes from anger.
People are born with tendency to commit violent acts.
They learn it from other people and from what happens
around them.
-No Violence
From The Beat: Man, we wish there was a name on this, so you could
get credit for your very wise insights. Next time, be sure to write your
Change
Change my life and the way I do things. Change some of
my friends change the way I live. Change da people I be
around. Change is when you change yo life and start to do
things different in yo life.
-Devonte
From The Beat: We hope these changes will bring you more opportunities
to become the man you can be!
„
\
\
Live your life to the fullest
People always stuck
On some stupid
Sugar honey ice tea
You say you want to be like me
But why can't you be yourself
You quick to be like someone else
But when you start to act like
That person that's a hero in your eyes
You have nothing to show for yourself
I'm trying to help you
You want to be everybody but you
So let me tell you the truth
You look like a damn fool
You know, I know, and everybody around you know
That's not your true you
Live your life to the fullest
And stop putting yourself through this
Live it to the fullest and do you
But promise me this
It will be your best
Live it to the fullest
-Tekiiya
From The Beat: Its not good to lose yourself while trying to be like
someone else, but it can be a good thing to aspire to be like something
external. If you admire qualities in others and want to own them
yourself, that can be a good thing. As long as you don't lose yourself or
your beliefs in the process, you're good.
Back In The Mix
Yeah man it's Jb we back in the mix on that shhh
Free my ninjas man I'm up in this thang
getting nightmares like Freddy
I ain't trippin' I know my ninjas out there rockin'
I'm a bounce back until then, I'm written in this Beat.
Expressing my appreciation for what they're doing
To help me get through this time.
-Jb
From The Beat: And The Beat appreciates you right back, so keep the
words flowing and we'll printing them!
~
DIP Emmit
To my brother Emmit we miss you and we gone start
mobbin for you and we not gone stop the squad gone stay
and I'm gone see you when I get up there I love you bra.
-Lil' Chuck
From The Beat: We are sorry for your loss. What would he say to you,
if he could?
Me
Yea my name Shay
I need to hurry and find my dream mate
Life so real
My wounds still aren't heal
No one knows how I deeply feel
To hide my emotions I stay off pills
When I think of my life I get chills
Please take me far away up the hills
this the end
The Beat's friend.
-Shay
From The Beat: Great poem. Shay. You tell so much about your life in
just a few lines. Will you write us some more, about whether being off
pills has helped or hurt you, about the "chills" in your life, about your
deep feelings. This is like an introduction to "me" and now we want to
read the whole book!!!
'smnonuTSi
//<?/ //
Tired
>
Free Lil' Purp, I been here 9 months. It's cool I
I'm still mobbin' and stayin' away from trouble.
The judge tryin' to play me so I'm gonna keep cool,
knock this lil' 'time out, get my education up in school.
I ain't gone trip off the time, I'm gonna knock this out
So I sit up in my room and meditate and think
and keep my head up as I sit down and blink.
Free the kid man 'cause I'm tired of this stuff
as I do one hand push ups and continue to get buff
-Lil' Purp
From The Beat: You get your physical workouts in, but it also seems
like locked up you are trying to give yourself a mental workout too -
get your mind strong for the upcoming challenges. What does "mental
strength" mean to you?
RIP Ethers
\
Man, my ninja Ether was a beast. Some haters knocked
my ninja down 'cause he was movin' real mean. But he
ain't gotta worry about nothing, he's in a better place
shinning in paradise. But my ninja live through me. Just
know I'm gonna hold you down 'till I join you.
-Lil' Sani
From The Beat: We are so sorry to hear about the death of your friend.
You say that he continues to live through you— what is the best way
that you can preserve his memory? What would make him proud? Do you
think he would want you to live as short of a life as he did? Or would he
want to see you become a grown man, with a good life?
Black Panthers
.
Words have brought people together for good and
bad. Better or worse. Words can cause fights and start
destruction through out the world. They can start
movements and bring different cultures together.
-Lil' Dough Boi
From The Beat: Clearly you know the power of words. How can you use
them to improve your own life?
A Better theeee
\
I think its great to have a president that a minority. That
means it's a better chance to change. The End
-Fat Boy
From The Beat: We agree with you, and share your hope and desire for
change.
Back in the Hall
What's up Beat, this is Young Money , back in the hall
again for the ninth time. Most likely I'm going to ROP
hopefully not CYA. I'm not likin' this unit. You only get a
phone call on Saturdays and I don't like how certain staff
is runnin' this unit. I can't wait 'till I start workin' here
in a couple years. I can't wait until I go to wherever I'm
gonna go so I can pimp that, fast!
Maybe if I write the judge a letter he will let me go
to camp again and graduate that placement again. It has
happened to other people, but I'm not too sure it's going
to happen to me. I'll see on the 6th of Feb. I'll make sure
to write The Beat so you all can find out what happened.
-Juan
From The Beat: What worries us most is that this is your 9th time. You
want to work with youth one day, that's a great thing - but before you
help others, you need to help yourself. What kind of things could you
do, this time around, to get a different result?
Violence Second Resort
I believe violence is the second resort. I do not think
violence is instilled in people from birth because if that
was the case everybody would be violent, and everybody
is not violent.
For example, Dr. Martin Luther king Jr. People bombed
his house and he kept the peace. Babies aren't violent.
What I think is that people who are just all out violent all
the time are the ones who can't control their anger. It's
just the fact that some people who are just all out violent
all the time are the ones who can't control their anger.
Everybody has anger and violent ways about them,
that much I do believe. It's just the fact that some people
have more self control and know how to channel their
anger in a way that it doesn't hurt others.
-Rikki Baybee
From The Beat: Sounds like you really do believe we all have violence
in us, its just that some people have learned how to control it while
others haven't.
Bullets Is Flying
Was real young, a lot of young life dying.
Bullets are flying,
leavin' a lot of lives crying.
He posted on the strip with forty cals on his hip.
Money he flips
so every girl never trips.
But if that boy slips
his body will get filled with the tips.
By that young gun
his big brother is my son.
Done nothing but sell coke.
But even though I sell drugs I be praying for some hope.
Brainwashed forever
'cause your boy wants some dough.
And since I sell drugs I should never go broke.
When the bullets fly I pray to God I don't die.
I'm still alive with nothing but God on my side.
I was raised by the gun
I pray that God tell me why.
So when God sees me in heaven one day
he's gonna say that every time they got to shooting
that I made the bullets fly away.
And to the Lord I should pray that happy days come
today.
You know what young Laden say Rest in Peace young Jay.
-Dirt Laden
From The Beat: We are sorry to hear about what happened to young
Jay, it is a tragedy. Tell us Dirt Laden— how do we make the bullets stop
flying? Also, tell us how God became apart of your life!
The Kiss
It happened so quickly
The world must have shook
I'd always hoped it would happen like it does in a book.
He looked at me softly and then touched my hair
I felt so special like he really did care.
He leaned over slowly my heart upped its pace
Right at that moment we were face to face.
When his lips touched mine I though I would melt
His kiss was the sweetest thing I ever felt.
-Lil' Pooh Bear
From The Beat: This is a beautiful image of the joy of that first kiss. If
you wrote it with a specific person in mind, we hope that he continued
to bring you happiness and treat you well. Because the sweetness of
true love lasts beyond the kiss!
'smnonuTSi
Wfff //
When It's On Sight
When it's on sight
you gotta watch your every move,
because that one wrong move can cost you to lose.
When it's on sight
please try not to slip because if you do you might get
flipped,
a lot of lost blood can make you sick
unless it's death on sight you lose your strength,
you lived that life for the fame
but when you gone they don't even remember your
name.
So every move I keep my thing
unless I'm incarcerated
fighting the pain.
While others throwing money like it's a game
I'm killing for mine and that's a shame.
I wish I could leave the streets
but I gotta do what I gotta do so baby Lay can eat.
Tired of watching his every step
I'm trying to have like four houses that cost some mills
I'm tired of settling for less and that's real.
Grown man, not a kid, it's '09 its time to do it big..
So live your life and don't let life beat you
'cause when you're down
the love of your life might turn into a stripper and that's real.
People change when you're behind a cell
so live right and that's real.
-D Lay
From The Beat: D Lay— how do you YOU live your life, so that life doesn't
beat you? What does that mean to you?
Me & My Girl Together
Man me and ma girl— I really can't even talk to her and
that shh messing me up but we gone bounce back real
fast. One thing for sure we down right now swear to god
we gone bounce.
-Nuttso Savage
From The Beat: It must be frustrating to be separated from those you
love. Support each other in making positive changes for your lives.
My Love Life
I could love to a limit until it ain't right.
I can love her forever 'cause she in my love life.
It's this one girl that I really see who won't never leave
me,
'cause she got me going crazy.
She said I was the best but what you do it just amaze
me.
You will always be my heart and my heart belongs to you
I'll say them great three words "baby I love you."
I think about you everyday 'cause you stay on my mind,
you should be Mrs. R. 'cause you so damn fine.
I won't never lie to you 'cause you keep it solid with me
I
I don't care about them girls man, it's just you and me
I'll get you what you want if I can't
I hope you understand as you say "Baby it's ok
You'll always be mine man
This is my life hope I repeat it twice
'cause its just me and you going with my love life.
-Lil' Quail
From The Beat: Just in time for Valentines Day! We hope this love poem
comes from the heart, and we DEFINITEY hope that you're not speaking
to a real life Mrs. R. - i.e. someone too old for you!
Grandma's Strong Hold
Strong hold, is what my grandma got on me
I use to hate that strong hold
Now I've come to see
That's she's only protecting me
As if I were her own child
She calls me her child
And says with the success she know I will have
She will jump and shout so loud
She will draw hundreds into a crowd
Just to hear her say
Look what success my strong hold
Has brought for my child
She lets me know she has no doubts
She lets me know she's proud
And that she'll never walk out
Not because I'm her grandchild
But because I am her child
And she knows as long as she got
A hold that strong her child
Can and will never go wrong
I'm glad my grandma's got a strong hold on me
-Poetically Misunderstood
From The Beat: Sounds like you've got a really great relationship with
your grandmother. We all need someone to believe in us, and push us
to do better. This is what your grandma does for you, so be thankful
you have her!
With Them
I'm tired of this Jail shhh I can't wait to get out, when I
get out I'm gonna hop on my little brother three wheeler
and ride around all day slappin' music! Then I'm gonna
slide to my grandma house and get me some homemade
Mexican food that I miss. Most of all I miss my family and
I can't wait to be back with them.
-Roland
From The Beat: After you eat and ride that three wheeler what are you
going to do to make sure you don't come back?
As I Sit In A Cell
As I sit in a cell I think
As I sit in a cell I hate life
As I sit in a cell I think why
As I sit in a cell I ask how
As I sit in a cell I'm not well
As I sit in a cell I feel like I'm in hell
As I sit in a cell I realize I messed up
I As I sit in a cell I can't see outside
I As I sit in a cell it makes me ask why
I I protected myself and hurt everyone else
As I sit in a cell I can't tell whether I'm going to heaven
or hell
As I sit in a cell I count down how many days I got left
in this place
As I sit in a cell the calendar and time is my best friend
also my worst enemy.
Beat can you feel me?
I'm thinking a lot right now and don't want to stay in here
for this BS.
I need to go home and be with my family and do what I do to
make every thing come back to normal and go to college.
I have stuff to do... I'm a man now I need to act like one....
-Big Hungry
From The Beat: We want to see you free too, but from what you've
written about your life, it doesn't seem like you've ever had much
'normal'. So its like you are going to have to get out and totally reinvent
yourself, and that means finding those positive influences we all need.
Where are you going to start looking?
'smnonuTSi
Fire and Water
\ Words
I feel the fire in my veins
It's hard to stop 'cause under my skin I feel the rage to
hurt
But the water put me out and let me cruise like a boat
If the boat sink then the fire is back
Then I feel I been played never the less fire always stay
strap
I can go the right way but the water will always wear off
Then I get dry and hot then the heat pisses me off.
-Moe
From The Beat: Sounds like you feel out of control, with a fire inside
you that can only be stopped by something external. Try searching
inside yourself for something to cool you down - what calms you, what
helps you vent? Maybe running or doing pushups or listening to music
- find your calm within.
Words
)ks
The power of words is big but I have learned to appreciate
them more by reading in my room here at juvie. Books
help me do time and expand my thoughts give me different
thoughts. Like books about people doing 25+ to life. I
compare that to me and thank the Lord.
-Peep Game Tae
From The Beat: Are there any books in particular that have made a big
impact you since being in here? And once you get out, do you think you
will continue to read?
Iir 2101
\
What I'm excited the most about the year of 2009 and
having an African American president is that it gives me
a chance to believe that I can do anything I set my mind
to, and that anything is possible. And each morning I will
wake up encouraging myself, telling myself, yes I can!
- Da Baddest
From The Beat: That is a great way to wake up every morning! If only
we could all get up and face the day this way, our communities would
be in much better shape.
Words are very strong.
There's lies, compliments, racial slurs, hatin'
all kind of shhh.
But when you say the wrong shhh to a ninja like me
"words"
I get you knocked down straight like that.
Shhh like "what you looking at," or "what's up" with a
mug on yo face...
that's when I'm a get it popping.
I don't let words make me mad because that gives the
other person the power.
But certain words be making it seem like a ninja tryin' to
get on you
so I won't hesitate.
-Nature
From The Beat: This may not be what you want to hear, but you just
totally contradicted yourself. You say words don't get to you, but
becoming violent towards someone just for saying "what's up" is exactly
what that is - you letting words get to you hard and very easily too.
The Best President Ever!
I think Obama is going to be the best president we ever
had. I don't want him to get assassinated. I think he
is going to change a lot of rules to make this country
better.
If I were president I would help schools and make the
pay in this country higher. A better and safer place where
kids could play and get a better education.
I pray he is going to do what he says he is going to do.
He has a wife and a nice family. He has been though a lot
in his life, he has been to Juvenile Hall before, just like
me. Thanks Obama.
-Lil' Monster
From The Beat: We're all hoping for Obama to stay safe. Its great
that you look up to our President. Do you consider him a role model?
President Obama is working hard to reshape America by improving the
aspects of the US that are not so great. Change can't happen all at once
though, little things build up to it. Do you think there are things in your
community that you can do to help the process?
Remaking America
Change has to start with individual people wanting to
change for the better.
No matter how good of intentions the president has
there will always be a group of people that will try their
hardest to bring others down with them, but they only
succeed if you let them get the best of you.
-Chris
From The Beat: There will always be those who hurt and those who
help. What do you think you can do to be one of the people that helps,
especially in your community?
X ITThink Of You
Non-violence/ Violence
\
Non-violence is what some want but for others, they
were raised up in a house with mom, dad, brother fighting
so that's all they know.
When he/she have a problem they result to violence
and guns but later wind up in jail. That's all they know.
Guns, knifes, fights are what there use.
But Americans want change but you can't change the
only way of life that someone knows. Somehow maybe
in few years maybe America can change but it'll take a
couple years.
-Demarcus
From The Beat: You raise some good points Demarcus. How do you think
we can stop the idea of violence being normal?
\
Locked down, late night in my cell I think of you
I thank you for loving me and staying true
I can't lie I miss you too much. You got me feigning for
your touch
Ya keep ya boy doing strong while I wait to get free
I can't wait for you to see the new and improved me
No more staying out all night, leaving you all alone
No more taking you for granted, pretty soon, I'll be coming
home
Then I can hold you in my arms again and give you real
kisses
I want to thank you for giving me all your love
From the minute I got to know you I knew God blessed
me from above
Baby girl your smile shines brighter than the sun
I'm proud to tell the world that you're my only one
I think of you so often, it's kind of pathetic
Stay with me my lady and you won't regret it
But until the day I get free and hold you all I can do is
think of you.
-Scotty
From The Beat: This is such a heartfelt piece, clearly you care a lot
about this special person. If she cares as much about you as you seem
to care about her, you've got a really great thing going. Don't lose her
by doing stuff you know isn't worth it - commit to making a change for
you and for her.
'smnonuTSi
//////
Mother's Love
Remaking America
From when you born 'till when you die your mom is the
first one to show love. She the first to tell me to wear a
glove when I mess up and go to jail. My mom is the first
one to know. My mom always has my back even when I'm
wrong. When she show love, her love is strong. When I be
in the streets she is always worried. When she tells me to
come home that means she loves me.
-Savaughn
From The Beat: Lots of young people think that when their parents
punish or keep you close to home that it means they don't care, but
usually its the exact opposite. A mother who lets you run around and
do anything you feel like any time of day or night doesn't care about
your well being.
Violence
Violence happens in a lot of places like the streets and
war.
People get killed over violence every day.
They need to take guns off of the streets.
If people need guns they should have it with a license to
protect their family.
People get robbed with guns and deal drugs with guns.
I think we have alot violence in America.
-RoShawn
From The Beat: It's upsetting that guns are so easy to come by. It also
seems that its hard for people to be responsible with such a dangerous
weapon. Besides licenses, what do you think our government can do to
assure that people are responsible gun owners?
1
RIP Skrilla Mike
Man you know that's messed up
How they did my big homie
Man they hit my ninja up they can't even do nothing
He just broke a fight up next thang you know he's getting
picked up
Don't trip I got yo' fam yo' mama and my grams.
-Dre
From The Beat: What at tragedy. We're sorry your boy got caught up -
have you got an update for us? Is his family doing OK? We're glad to
hear you're thinking of them. Our apologies for the misspelling last
week.
Dear President
.
I'm so happy for you Mr. Obama. I feel having you as a
president will help our society. With you I feel change.
I'm hoping you will create more activities to reduce
criminal activity. I have hope in your decisions in being
our president. Congratulations and thank you.
-Valentina
From The Beat: A lot of people are hopeful that Obama can make real
change. Creating after school activities is a really good way to help
keep youth out of trouble. Good suggestion!
A Letter To The President
Barack Obama,
I'm wondering how long do you think it will take
to change the big mess that Bush made. Barack do you
think you can make a change in America? I want to know
what you gonna do about the war up in Iraq or about
the economy or schools. And what about killers or the
Oakland streets or prison centers?
-Lamont
From The Beat: You are asking a lot of tough questions, and that's good.
We'd love to hear you get more specific though— what are the issues
around schools or prisons that you think need change?
Remaking America means to me is that by keeping it
cleaner by stopping the littering and stuff like trashing
the ocean.
Obama will also change the community by making the
public more safe and by making more cop cars patrolling
around cities.
Obama will give out more jobs to people and hopefully
Obama will bring the economy back up, so people will
not lost their jobs or houses. He will also be giving some
money or food to the homeless so they won't starve.
-Obama Nation
From The Beat: The environment is in desperate need of attention and
care, so do the homeless! Luckily these are two things that Obama hopes
to change. You can also help with keep our streets clean and assisting
those in need. These sound like important issues to you. What part of
America do you think requires the most significant transformation?
Change The World
Obama is going to change the world by stopping the
war that they are having in Iraq. He is going to give more
money and going to build more homes for the homeless
or give them more food and water. He could give them
more money and give schools more books and money and
stop the stuff going on the streets by taking more time
out of his office to create more jobs, raise pay checks and
raise taxes.
It's 2009, things need to change, we've got to change
this world because if we don't do nothing stuff gets worse
and more black people going to Juvenile Hall. People are
going to get mad because Obama is not going to build
more give schools more money. People think Obama is
not going to help healthcare and the homeless.
-Denzell
From The Beat: You definitely understand that you have a future
ahead of you. Its possible that Obamas presidency can guarantee you
a great adulthood. Some people don't have faith that Obama can make
his promises happen. You seem to be confident he can tackle each of
I his goals. Why do you think some people don't have the same faith in
Obama as you do?
Me and My Choices
From my point of view violence comes from one and only
one person. And that person is me. You decide what you
want to do. Nobody tells you to do something you don't
want to do.
So when the judge asked me why I cut my ankle
monitor I said that it was because I had family problems.
That was a lie because deep inside I know I did it because
I wanted to have freedom, I wanted to kick it with my
homies, do drugs, and be around girls. I know I did a
bad thing and that's why I am facing my time in Alameda
County Juvenile Hall.
I know I can't go to my room and cry I just have to
wait until they tell me, "Ivan get all your stuff ready you're
going home." That day I am going to be happy and go and
spend some time with my loving Mom and family.
I know it would be hard to lay off my hood and my
homies because I feel like they are my family but in order
to be something in life I have to make some sacrifices so
I know it's going to be hard but God and me only know if
I am able to finish what I haven't started.
-Ivan
From The Beat: Its great that you recognized the mistakes you made in
the past. You understand what you did wrong and it appears that you
are paying attention to the things that are most important to you. When
you get out, spend the time with your family and begin taking the steps
that will keep you home forever. The people you surround yourself will
influence your decisions. It'll be good for you to spend time with your
loved ones, we're glad you know this. Keep reflecting on your past!
'smnonuTSi
Remaking America
That means to me and to my community that we need to
stop this violence, stealing, and killing. We need to start
fresh and get our minds right, get off the block and get
jobs. And never say never.
-Dwight
From The Beat: It's upsetting how much violence surrounds us. It seems
like you want to see a change in your community. Maybe there are
things that you can do to assure that the violence can begin to end.
Think of some ways that you can urge productive change!
Dear Barack Obama
Hello President, my name is Kumonee, I'm 15 years old
and I believe in everything you said you're going to do to
change the world, I never thought we would have a black
president, it's a "first", I think you're a good President,
and I'm ready for a change.
-Kumonee
From The Beat: It is pretty incredible that we have elected our first black
President. To believe that it may never happen and then to witness
Obama winning the election, is an astonishing experience. Do you think
that there are other "impossible" things that can become possible?
Life
Man it 2009 we got Obama as president but a ninja still
in jail but if he can become president then I can stay out
jail and get my life together. We just got lock down when
he become president so all I can say is we can do what
you want this yo boy lil chuck comin' from max 2 and to
all... stay up.
-Lil' Chuck
From The Beat: We like that.. .if he can become president, then you can
get your life together. What do you need to do first?
Dear Barack
>>
I am in juvenile hall in San Leandro, CA. I am writing
this letter to let you know that I'm glad you're President
of the United States of America. I hope you're going to
do what you say you're going to do for America. Like
lowering taxes and healthcare and also ending the wars
in Iraq and Afghanistan.
-Antwon
From The Beat: It feels good to be proud of your President. What do you
hope he can change in our country that would impact you the most?
Think about your future. What can President Obama do to assure you
a successful life?
\ Letter lo He Presileet
\
*lf
Dear Obama,
I want to say "congratulations" on your election.
You are the first African American president. You made
history. I want to wish you good luck with your future
tasks.
Also I hope you are going to do those things you say
you are going to do. I hope you accomplish everything you
wish too. I hope you bring the economy back up. I wish
you the best of luck with your years in the president's
chair.
Tj
From The Beat: Its pretty amazing that we all got to witness history
take place. The next four years we're hopefully going to see all the
changes President Obama promised. What specifically do you want to
make sure our President accomplishes?
Boom!
In my own words violence comes from what you see and
what you hear and if you see something you don't like or
hate you will have anger and you will hold it in until you
cant take it anymore and it comes out and something bad
happens and you BOOM! Explode. I am speaking about
this from personal point of view.
-Dwight
From The Beat: Emotions are powerful and they can definitely force
people to do things that they don't want to. Anger is especially
dangerous. You seem to think that anger and violence are strongly
related. Since you are speaking from personal experience, do you have
ways of tackling your hatred so that it won't lead to violence?
All The Life
Boy this hall shhh is weak
Every morning they tell us to fold up our sheets
When all we go do is go to our room and go to sleep
I swear they always have us in our room
It's torture from doom.
I always have regret.
-Marmar
From The Beat: Try and expand on some of your ideas though. What is
the most frustrating part of being in Juvenile Hall? Talk about what's
going on in your head; what are you thinking? We want to hear more
from you, because this piece is a great start.
Violence
I think not all people are born violent but others are
for example non-violent people if you attack or yell at
them they wont react in a violent way they will react non-
violently. Like walking away or ignoring you. And if you
attack a violent person they'll attack back or if you yell at
them they'll yell back.
-Domonic
From The Beat: There is a strong distinction between those that are
violent and those that are not. What kind of person are you? If you walk
away from attacks, that's great. You are avoiding conflict. If you are a
violent person, what are some ways to avoid confrontation?
Bear Obama
I am a fourteen-year-old kid and I hope you do what you
said you were going to do, because my mom voted for you
and I would like you to help Oakland, CA. And can you
write me back?
-Youngster For Obama
From The Beat: You're pretty young and have your whole life ahead
of you. In four years you are going to be able to vote just like your
mother. What are some of the things you'd vote for in order to see
change happen in Oakland?
smnonurs,
MSJMi
//// //
Jus' Keep Doing My Program
\ Don't Pot Me In A Dox
Wha's good with The Beat? You know it's the same ol'
same ol' wit' me. I just knocked out a tenth of this time
up here at the Ranch. If ya reading this, then y'all know I I
knocked out another tenth, so that mean I got eight more
to go. Time flying faster then I thought it would. All I gotta
keep doing is a straight program an' this gone all be ova.
All the lil' homies doin' time, just know that nobody
got a L by they name. An all my females, leave the reckless
shhh alone. Just be a lady, 'cause that what attracts me.
If you down for me, you ain't gotta prove it. Jus' keep the
love strong, feel me?
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot, to all my fans, I'm halfway
done writin' the album, so get ya concert money ready for
when I jump out this G-thang.
-Fresh
From The Beat: You're doing it just right, putting one foot in front of
the other day-by-day and walking toward that light that you see at
the end of that tunnel. The advice you give to your females is just as
important to apply to yourself: "leave that reckless shhh alone." If you
do that, you'll truly be able to enjoy the fruits that will be coming your
way when your album is done and out, like you! Keep striving!
Good To Witness History
It was good thing I here to see history when Obama
became the 44th President. He is black and I think he I
going make a difference in the United States of America.
He talk about making change and stop war.
-God Ali
From The Beat: We hope he does stop the war. What other differences
do you think he is going to make for this country? What changes would
you like to see?
Crackers Can't Hold Me!
Wha's poppin' with The Beat? Me, just thuggin' this
Ranch shhh out, ya heard me. But anyways, I'm tired of
these crackers trying to control me. They can't hold me
down forever, ya heard. You can lock me up, crackers,
I'ma get out and do the same thang. I'm out.
-Cb
From The Beat: Same old nonsense. Are you so blind that you can't
see that if you "do the same thang," so will the system? We hope you
don't figure out that they can hold you forever after its too late to do
anything about it!
\
Doin' Me
What's good, mayne? You know this ya boy, Ulala.
Haven't wrote in this thang in a hot minute. But, check
it... Up heah at the Ranch, doin' me, as usual, still stayin'
solid, ya dig? Still livin' life to the fullest. But as of right
now I'm on pause.
But peep this, homie, ya boy's mind is gettin' situated
right now, thinkin' this, thinkin' that... Or, should I, or
should I not?
But for me, things done changed. It done flipped that
otha way around. So watch who you associate wit', homie,
'cause ya closest homeboy could be the one... You ninjas
know what I mean.
But check it: to all the homies, keep ya heads up,
'cause you know the sky limit. Homie. Love ya! Trust no
one!
-Ulala
From The Beat: You've been on a pause for quite a while, Ulala! When
do you plan to press the "start" button and move your life in a new
direction? You can't get through life trusting no one. The trick is to pick
the right friends. Are you trustworthy? If the answer is yes r then you
know there must be others who are trustworthy, too. With this change
you write about, how will your new life be different when you're back
you vi
home
Don't put me in a box
Full of bricks and tiles
With locks that make living
Not worthwhile
Wanting to see someone else
Tired of seeing the same dudes
I'm disgusted with myself
Don't put me in a box
Because it makes me hungry for the grind
Not trippin' because
I'm gone have another chance to shine
-Sp
From The Beat: Who put you in the box, SP? What were the steps that
led you to the box? We ask that question so you look very carefully
at the steps you have to avoid so that your steps don't lead you back.
Being "hungry for the grind" could be a ticket right back, so be very
careful how you define "the grind."
I'm At The Ranch While My Son Is Home
What's up, Beat Within? I remember the first time I got
locked up. I just turned into my teen year. The second
time I was a year older. After that I came back, fifteen
years old, with a son already. Now I'm seventeen years old
at the Ranch, and my son is a year old. I'ma get out when
I'm eighteen years old, and my son two years old. So, late,
Beat Within.
-BigD
From The Beat: We hate reading about the babies that are brought
into this world by babies who cannot yet take care of themselves. It's
irresponsible, especially when pregnancy is so easily prevented! It only
keeps the circle going. When you get out, will you try to be a father to
your own son who has really never known a father? If not, where do
you imagine he will be when he is a teenager? Has losing your freedom
so often led you to any conclusions about how you want to change the
way you live on the outs, or will there just be more of the same, except
as an adult instead of a juvenile? What have you learned? What can
you teach?
Yoo A Trip
Now I'ma tell ya like a man, I don't owe y'all shhh
An' I'ma say this shhh again, I don't owe y'all shhh.
But before a ninja had somethin', I ain't have nothin'
(My kids), yeah, they still love (my friends), I had couple
of 'em
But wasn't nobody tryna bust it, tryin' to see what was
up
When my shoes was bent up with a hole in the front
And I'll get mad at E and put a hole in the blunt
When my daddy lost the house, we moved wit' grandma
fo' a month
Then that month turned into a year, and I turned straight
to them streets
Then my dog got caught with that heat
I ain't seen him since I was a teen
When I was a lil' boy, I used to look up to grown men
My dad used to tell me I need some new friends
I guess back then it just didn't make sense
Come now, keep it real, you be knowin' me since I was
lil'
An' you ain't even kept it real
Man, that's why a ninja feel like you a trip
-Cal
From The Beat: Whether you owe him anything or not, do you understand
what your dad was trying to tell you when he said you needed new
friends? If it's not your father you're writing to, then whoever it is you
"don't owe shhh," who do you owe? Has anyone sacrificed for you?
What do you owe yourself? Has losing your homie (who "got caught
with that heat") made you see things in a different way, or do things in
a different way? How will you avoid his fate? How will you be different
from your father?
smnonurs,
MSJMi
//// //
What Remaking America Means
Remaking America mean to me that America will change
for the better now that Obama is the President of the USA.
Obama say that "the challenges we face are real. They will
not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know
this: they will be met!"
Obama's words are true to me. What he said in his
speech today is true to me. He can and will make the
better for America. Don't matter what other people think.
I know he will change America.
-Bri
From The Beat: The new president gives us all hope for a better
tomorrow, Bri. But what are the changes you hope he brings about. And
what do you think are the changes he wants from you? In other words,
what do you expect from him, and what does he expect from you?
Change Police Tactics
Born With Violence
\
I feel like people was born with violence because they
grow up being bad at school. That's how it first starts.
Then they start picking up guns and stuff like that. That's
when they end up in jail.
-Ronald
From The Beat: Do you mean that some people are born violent but
other people are not, or that we are all born with violence? Do you
believe that "all men are created equal?" If so, why do some act out
violently and others do not?
Stay From Around Me
Yeah, let me say what's up with The Beat. I'm gon spit
this rap.
.,.
Wnrds
What's good with The Beat? It's yo' Low Boi Acie up in
here. Ain't nothing goin' on in this thang. A ninja just
doing his time so a real ninja can get back to them streets
and my son.
I want to write about words 'cause the wrong words
can get you hurt, trust me 'cause if you running yo' lips,
you ain't about yo' shhh. So the best thing you can do is
keep yo' mouth closed and it's go be all good.
-Acie
From The Beat: We can't keep our mouth closed 'cause we have to say
this: when you get back to the streets, we hope you really are about
your shhh, which means we hope you're about taking care of your son.
You can't take care of the street and your son. You're going to have to
sacrifice one for the other, trust us. The only question is, which one will
you serve and which one will you sacrifice. Think about it.
That boy' name all through that thang, black and white
He told them crackers shhh they ain't even like
Went fed and got out, and act like it's all right
Shhh, that ninja you snitch on, they my ninja life
And you running with that shady ninja like that ninja
right
Birds of feather flock together, y'all just alike
You conversate with dude, but how you break bread with
a ninja dog and you know he trife
They go from real to fake ninja over night
You can't flip it now, you a police for life
Stay from 'round me. Damn, ninja, you ain't my type
-Rocket
From The Beat: This piece comes dangerously close to being a threat,
and almost didn't make it in The Beat — even though your rap skills
shine through. We hope whoever you're addressing does stay away from
you, but the reality is that this whole system is built on the backs of
snitches, and it always will be. The only way to keep it from happening
is not to do anything that someone else can exploit for their own
benefit. Don't do the things that someone can trade for his own benefit,
or you'll be facing this situation again.
,„,[
What's up with The Beat? It ya boy Opps back in this
hole fo' some shhh I didn't do. Man, I wish Obama would
change the way police act, and the way they do things.
-Opps
From The Beat: How should Obama bring about the change in police
attitudes and actions that you want to see? What kind of changes do
you think Obama would like you to make?
I'm Really In YGG
Aye, let me tell y'all something. I got caught up in some
stuff with my cousin and friend. We all came to the halls,
and they let them go, and I still in here. I'm hecka mad,
because I want to go home to my dad or may grandma.
Man, I can't believe this. I'm really in YGC. And a
couple of days before I came in here, I was talking to my
cousin and telling her I don't know what I will do if I come
in here. But I'm not tripping, because when I get out this
thang, I'm not coming back.
-Lay Lay
From The Beat: Tell us what you plan to do differently when you get
out so that you can keep the promise that you'll never come back. (It's
easier to make that promise when you're locked up than to keep it when
you are free.)
Wnrds
Man, what's good with The Beat? This ya boy Daddy-0
writin' on this topic words. Man, words a really get shhh
poppin', fo' real, 'cause if a ninja say the wrong thing,
I fo' real, anything could happen. Fo' me if a brother say
the wrong thang to me, I'ma get on his head. Words a
I get somebody killed, fo' real. Fo' real, words start
everything.
This ya boy, the one and only Daddy-O, until we meet
again.
-Daddy O
From The Beat: We wish the one and only Daddy-O would have put
in some examples of what the "wrong words" are. But what you said
about words starting everything is exactly what the Bible says: "In the
beginning was the word..." (John 1:1)
Dear Obama,
I'm glad you are in the White House. The main things I
would like to ask you is to please bring both my brothers
and all my friends home from Iraq.
-Stacia
From The Beat: This is really too shot to publish, Stacia, but it carries
such an important message that we violated our own rules and printed
it anyway. If President Obama could ask you for something, what do
you think it would be?
Mnving With The Jungle
Yeah, it's young Lando tryna get my game tight 'cause
I refuse to come here again. I gotta get real mafia in my
movement. I'm not playing no more games. I'm on a
mission to get this money. I'ma try to be a rapper 'cause
that a free mill ticket.
But yeah, I gotta get back to the money. So I'm moving
with the jungle or I am not moving at all. I am so solid it
ain't funny.
-Lando
From The Beat: What will it take for you to realize that there is no such
thing as "a free mill ticket?" Everything has a cost, and the one you are
paying now should be warning enough that the fast lane to riches leads
to a fast end — adding riches only for this system that has control over
your life.
smnonurs,
MSJMi
//// //
I've Been Down
(JJC Mac Dre Remix)
I've been down
For oh so long
Starin' at these brick walls
Same old song
At six in the mornin' I'm up in the shower
Staff on my intercom talkin' some shhh 'bout work
detail
It's seven in the morning, he must be sicko
Or just plain stupid for thinkin' I might go
I cuss him out
He gave me distance an' called a condition
Now these shady staff wanna do it the rough way
Six peace officers is what it takes to cuff me
Tell me, grab my shhh an' send me for twenty-four hours,
aDRB
Damn, I've been down for oh so long
Starin' at these brick walls
Same old song
I wanna go home
I wanna go home
I said "Go home"
Not no damn group home!
-I Don't Know Her Name
From The Beat: You've done a good job of remixing Mac Ore's lyrics to
fit your situation, but the situation itself makes us wonder about your
choices. Why would you cuss out staff for telling you it's time for work
detail? Well, if you think a 24-hour ORB was worth the cussing, then so
be it. The hard truth is that when you did whatever it was that gave the
system power over your life, this is what you invited!
A Letter To Obama
.
Hi! Can you make more libraries for the young, so we
have less violence and more reading to help out the mind?
More jobs for the youth to keep young kids off the streets
stealing? We trying to make it less people jail and more
people out here, getting their education, so they would
have a good job when they get older.
-Mason
From The Beat: Obama is trying to create more jobs, and we think that's
exactly what he should be doing. You're also right that education is
the key to your own future success, but you don't have to wait for the
President to accomplish that. You can make sure you go to school every
day, even when you don't want to, and build the foundation you need
to move past where you are. Good luck.
The Beat Ain't Real
\
Man, this Beat don't want the real beat, so I'ma give y'all
a pound. Y'all ain't ready for no real shhh, so y'all let the
fake and phony holla that phony shhh. Y'all know who
y'all is. Freak The Beat since I can't curse, (lol)
-Robert
From The Beat: Is it possible that people can have different experiences
and different ways of looking at the world, different ways of acting
without one being "real" and the other "fake"? If we "ain't ready for no
real shhh," why don't you enlighten us.
^^^^_^^^^_
Ain't Trippin'
\
What's up Beat? It's ya boy Isaiah still up in here. It's
going on five months still in this G-thang. But I'm not
trippin'. They can't hold a brother for long. I'm doing my
time. Just one thang is don't let time do you, you do time.
That all. Lata.
-Isaiah
From The Beat: We're waiting for when you start trippin' about giving
up any part of your life to this place. That'll tell us that you're ready to
put yourself in control of your life, and not leave it to others.
Silent Tears For A Black President
Hey, Beat. It's ya lady, Lil' Lady T. I'm still in this thang.
Damn! Dam! Damn!
But, yeah, though, we gotta black President, yo!
We gotta black family in the White House! Seeing the
inauguration damn near brought tears to my eyes. But I
couldn't cry in front of all these females in the halls. They
gone think I'ma sucka, LOL.
But anyhoo, seeing that made me realize that we as
blacks can do anything. So I'm looking forward to seeing
what Obama promised us — change! An' when I get out,
I'ma try to do that, too — change!
-Ladie T
From The Beat: Maybe that's one difference between childhood and
adulthood — we didn't do anything to hide the tears that streaked our
cheeks as we watched our new President being sworn into office! What
we like most about this piece is that you realize that the change Obama
has promised comes not from him, alone, but also from you (and from
each of us). What do you hope he changes? What does he hope you
change?
Gettin' Out This G-Thang
What's really good with The Beat? This the kid, Yung Von,
gettin' fed up with this juvenile hall shhh, yamsay'n'? I'm
ready to just beat this trial an' get back to doin' me, but
this time play ma cards a lil' smoother. Like Rihinna and
Ti said, I'm just tryna live my life. The kid tryna get this
papa, an' at the same time, watch out for these haters,
yamsay'n'? But it straight Yung Life an' the kid gone
shine 'til the casket drop. I'm outie.
-Yung Von
From The Beat: If you think you can get your "papa" by doing what
you've been doing — "doin' me" — without paying the same price, then
you're still thinking like a child. You won't "shine" until you realize that
shining requires some sacrifices that come along with the slow and
steady route that starts with getting your education. We hope you don't
learn these truths the hard way.
I Don't Believe Him
Hey, Obama made President. How do you feel, 'cause I
feel all right. But hey, first black President.
But I don't like him because he was talking about
his struggle, and how do you struggle when you go to
Princeton and graduate on top of your classes and
struggle? And Princeton, though not many blacks go
there.
-Derrell
From The Beat: We're not sure why you don't like him just because
he didn't share your struggles. Being smart, graduating from a good
university, and even becoming the President of the United States
doesn't mean he didn't have to struggle — especially as a black man in
America. Give him a break!
Wnrds
Words words words...
I say don't speak it if you ain't 'bout it
And don't think it if I can't pronounce it
Me, I'm just me, I don't act
Don't be anotha person and get blapped
But cha know what I'm sayin'
When I say when I say it, though, dawgie
Check me out, though, puppy
I see you, you see me...
-Jabba
From The Beat: Does this mean you never front, never tell an adult
(cop? counselor? Judge?) anything but the whole truth? Sometimes,
we'd rather people speak about the dirt they really didn't do, than do
the dirt and keep silent about it. Which is more important, the things
you do or the things you say?
smnonurs,
MSJMi
Don't Be Now
What up with The Beat? This your boy, Cenious. In the
halls, waitin' for me to get out.
Why these ninjas out here act like they with the shhh
and they not? Ninjas is window talkers. Ninjas do all that
talk behind the back, but smile in they face. Ninjas ain't
with the shhh.
I got with the shhh a few years ago. Nowadays you
gotta have a watta for protecting. Ninjas is fresh off the
porch, try to say they bein' with the shhh. When you in
the beef, you have to watch your back. This shhh ain't
cool. To be in the beef, you have to watch your back and
have a watta. If you ain't with the shhh, don't try to be
now. Stay up 'til next week.
-Cenious
From The Beat: Why do we read this same thing so often? The Beat
wants some original thinking! Stop worrying about anyone else. We
care about what you are planning with your own life, not what you
think others should be doing with theirs. The idea that having a gun
will protect you is another thing we read every week even though you
know other young men who are no longer with us even though they
were strapped. No, the protection you need can only come from your
head, and we'd like to see a piece that shows that you're using yours!
The "shhh" you are apparently so proud of is what put you here. No one
can escape the consequences of their life's choices, so put that brain in
gear and let's see what comes out the other end!
Livin' Out In The 'Hood
Man, dis ya boy, Vernon. Livin' in the 'hood is tough.
Shootin' every night. People go to jail. Man, I got in the
beef when I was twelve, because ninjas thought I was a
soft young ninja, and I was not goin' for it, so I started
bustin' my gun. Then I started robbing people and got
locked. F
My PO told me he want me to change, but it ain't
happenin'. He tried to move me out of my 'hood to a
grouper; then I ran and went back to the 'hood. He said
he want me out the beef, but I can't, 'cause it's go be
someone you played or jumped that you go' bump heads
wit'. I told my PO I'm not go' stop grindin' 'til ma casket
drop.
-Vernon
From The Beat: So, is it bustin' a gun that makes someone tough? Any
child can do that, so what's so "hard" about it? Some might even see it
as a weakness that you have to rely on a weapon to measure who you
are, rather than on the tools that you were born with, your hands and
your brain! The only certain thing in life is change, so even though
you believe you won't change, that is not possible. The only question
is whether you are in control of that change or whether you hand that
responsibility off to others.
Schools, Not Jails
If Obama made a phone call and said what would we need
to make life better, one thing could be better schools. I do
not believe kids are born violent because of their family
and friends. The only way a kid could be violent is by
showing them how to be violent, not because of the same
blood.
I'm happy to have a black President, but I see that
Barack Obama isn't helping to have more better schools.
Instead Obama, is building more prisons and jails for
people. But what I would do if I was President? I would
build more schools instead of building more prisons.
-G Tooth
From The Beat: We agree with what we need, which is more education
and fewer prisons. But both schools and prisons are part of the state's
responsibility (the governor), not the federal responsibility (the
president). Of course, he can send a powerful message, but building
schools or prisons is not really in his power. Can we ask you a question,
though: when you're on the outs, are you going to the school that's
there for you? It doesn't matter how many schools we have if students
aren't attending...
Violence
Where the violence come from depends where you live
or who you kick it with. Like your friends be showin' you
how to kill people or rob, or do some other violence. But
Obama got to stop all this. Young people know violence
from their families, like brother or video games.
-Omar
From The Beat: We agree that young people learn violence from what
they see and what they're exposed to. But how can Obama stop it?
What part can we play (you and us and everybody) in reducing the
violence?
led Up
This the kid gettin' fed up with these walls
Same shhh e'ry day up in juvenile hall
Brothas talkin' hard but Yung Life make bodies fall
We don't soowuup, we dada doe call
Unit go bad, 'rybody gets on lockdown
Conditions is called, brothas gettin' slammed around
Je'ts gettin' thrown up, all you hear is the door sound
Brotha steady howlin', they on the streets bustin'
rounds
Get from out these walls an' don't make a sound
Gettin' room time for stupid-ass shhh
Wasn't even involved, but I got 24 hours up in this ditch
E'ry mornin' gotta fold ma beddin' up
Same shhh e'ry day, that's why I'm gettin' fed up
Fed up Dada Doe
-Yung Von
From The Beat: It's a two-way street. You get fed up with the system's
treatment of you — juvenile hall — and the system gets fed up with
brothers "bustin' rounds" on the streets. We're guessing that you when
you are really tired of this place, when you're truly fed up, you'll stop
giving the system power over your life to put you here.
On My Way To A Grouper
What's up with The Beat? You know who this be. If not,
my name is Yung Dri.
Anyways, what's up? Man, me? Nothing. Still in this
thang, ready to get out this thang. I'm tired. I'm ready to
go back home, but I can't. I have to go to a grouper and do
six months. That phony as hell, though, but, hey! I rather
go there than go to YA and do ten years and four months,
so I'ma just handle my business, like my cousin said.
Love you, cousin.
-Dri
From The Beat: Maybe the grouper won't be as "phony" as you expect.
Maybe you'll meet new people you like, and learn some things about
yourself and the world that you don't know now. Keep an open mind,
and things will go a lot smoother than if you expect the worst. Good
luck.
My Painful Life
\
All in my painful life
My mother neglected me all my life
I know she my mother
But she was not there for me
I have nine siblings
I went to a foster home
And then I went to my foster mother
She is my cousin
For three years I was happy
Now I am in jail
-Lissa
From The Beat: These things that caused you so much pain were outside
your control, Lissa. But now you have some control of your life, so we
hope you read as much as you can, learn as much as you can, and get as
much education as you can. We wish you good luck with your case.
smnonurs,
MSJMi
//// //
Back In This Hell Hole
\ Another Week In Here
What's up with The Beat? This yo' boy Lil' Junk back in
this place. But yeah, a ninja was out there doin' his thang.
I'm 'bout to be missing the action 'cause I'm about to
tuck my pumpkin. While I'm out there I'm gone stack ma
dip and see what these females hollerin'. I'm on a whole
'nother hype when I touch down. If you ninjas think y'all
big dawgs, then holla at me.
Lil" Junk new and improved get with the movement.
What can I say. My pops got me this way. A ninja like me
tired of these young ninjas acting like they with the shhh.
Slow yo roll lil' dawg. Gone. I'm one of them ninjas.
-Lil' Junk
From The Beat: Keep doing "your thang" for the 'hood, Lil' Junk, and
keep expecting the system to do its thang. It's time to connect the dots!
The "new and improved" system waiting for the "new and improved"
Lil' Junk. Your pops may have made you, but it's time for you to make
yourself! That's what's called adulthood!
I'm Gettin' Sick Of Life
When life gets to be too much, I pop a pill, smoke a
blunt, an' kill myself slowly. I'll neva kill myself, because
there's always a chance that it can get better. I don't talk
to God, 'cause he don't eva talk back. I don't talk to my
mom about it, 'cause she don't understand my life.
My life is too much for one ninja, but fo' some reason,
I still keep my ground. I got too much on my mind, an'
always keep thoughts of the past with me — the people
I've lost spiritually and physically. I can't even keep track
of what I be stressin' ova. It's too much on my mind to
stay focused on any one thing. But when I get on, I'ma get
back on this, but I'm out.
-Cam
From The Beat: Maybe God is trying to talk to you, but you're not
hearing it. Maybe every time you find yourself locked up for something
you did, that's God talking. We're not saying that it is, only that it is
possible. To be honest. Cam, you have more life in you than you realize,
despite the burdens that are weighing you down. We wish we could
offer you an easy way out of your stress, but, of course, nothing worth
having is easy. Do you know any meditation techniques? Some people
find meditation very useful when they have so much on their minds
that they can't focus. You have a great spirit that animates you, keeps
you in this world, and keeps you wanting to stay in this world. If you
can tap into that spirit, you may be able to feel some of the weight
lifting from your shoulders. Killing yourself, fast or slowly, doesn't seem
to be working for you.
M
What's up with The Beat?
This ya boy, B-Reed.
They tryna make me do time for another whole week.
When I get out, I'ma have to stay cool and stand tall on
my feet.
But I'ma be out and I'm sure I'ma get a whole lot of
sleep.
Being in the halls could make a person flip out, but it
gives me the creeps.
But when I'm out y'all know where I be
And y'all know where y'all could find me
But I'm in right now, so holla at me
In the unit where I be 'til I'm free
-B
From The Beat: Is it hard to sleep in here? We'd hate to be locked in this
place, so we hope you hate it enough to hold onto your freedom when
you walk out!
To A New Girl
Yeah man, this D-Mac. No, I still got my street in me, lol.
But about my new girl, you know she definitely the one.
Y'all all know I had to step it up for the '09. Come on man.
But you know she tryna hold the D-mac down up an' all
around.
-D
From The Beat: We're happy for you that you have someone that's worth
stepping it up for. (We had to take out the direct communication at the
end.)
What's Coming?
\
Yo! What's up with The Beat? It C-Rider, I been down in
YGC for seven months. I got my hearing in March. Hoping
everything goes good. I'm hoping to beat my 707. Hoping
to get out to my family and move on in my life. But while
I'm in here I'm gonna keep handling my biz to the fullest.
Trying to get my first girl ever.
-C
From The Beat: There's a lot of hoping in this piece. Lets say you get
everything you hope for, then what? Besides getting your first girl (we
can't put her name out there), what do you hope to accomplish with
your freedom?
Remaking America
We the people of America must change for the good of
ourselves, our communities and our country. Barack is
now the face of America and his face is a nice peaceful
one.
-Fro
From The Beat: This is a wonderful beginning. Fro, but you could do so
much more with it. We don't like publishing one or two sentence pieces
because they can't say what needs to be said. Can you take this piece
and expand it to a page or more?
Almost Home
Wha's up ? What it do? This ya boy coming from the
Ranch. I ain't wrote in a minute, but it all good, ya dig?
I get out in three weeks, you feel me? I did this time
and knocked it out. It was nothing, you feel me? Twelve
months up here and out in three weeks. A'ight.
-T
From The Beat: Congratulations for almost completing your program!
How do you think your family, your neighborhood, your homies will
have changed when you get home? And what changes can they expect
in you? When you say twelve months locked up is "nothing" we get
worried, because it suggests you don't yet appreciate how precious your
freedom is. Don't jeopardize it.
Ohama
\
Obama brother, what's going on? I hope you doing what's
expected. The white people still giving more time because
of your black/white ass.
-Lil* Goo
From The Beat: We almost didn't publish this because we don't know
what you're trying to say. Why not give a try to explain what you mean.
What's "expected" of Obama by you? Which white people are giving who
more time for what? Come on!
Finnah Dip Out This Place!
Chea, Beat. What's good? It's ya boy, Lil' Rob, up here at
the Ranch, just chillin' and shhh! Well, I'm finnah dip up
out this place. It's been a long journey. It's fifteen months
down! Now it's finally over!
A'ight, then, Beat, this is the last time y'all Anna hear
from Lil' Rob. Touch down finally!
-Lil' Rob
From The Beat: We hope you never see the inside of this, or any other
place like this, Lil' Rob. But we also hope that this isn't the last time
we hear from you. Write us when you get home and tell us how you're
moving your life forward, and how each positive step away from here
takes you closer to your goals. We appreciate what you've written for
The Beat over these last months. Thank you.
smnonurs,
MSJMi
The Street Is Part Of Me
I'm not proud of some of my choices in the past, but
what can I do 'bout it? Shhh, it's the past...
A lot peoples want take me out from the streets. Ha
ha, ninja, street is part me. I want to see you try! Anyway,
I'm still looking forward for my future. Hope to be free
soon!
-Free Me
From The Beat: Like we said, you can't just wait for the President to
make changes if you're not going to make some on your own. You will
be free soon, but then what? If you plan to do the same things as
before, you'll find the same consequences. Don't let the President or
yourself down.
Getting Away
Life in this shhh really crazy, for real. People ain't solid.
These dudes nowadays will tell on a squad killer real
quick. People act like a ninja snitchin' ain't a bad thang.
To me, that ninja just broke the most important rule and
that's not telling. When a person send the next ninja away
because he too scared of the time, he need to think hard
about it. Anybody I catch telling on one of mine, I'm gone
deal with dude personally.
-Shotty
From The Beat: Can you see why responsible adults night find the
"squad killer" someone to stop, someone to keep away from others,
or is the thing you do, no matter how bad, never as bad as saying
what you did? You can yell about snitches 'til the cows come home, but
that's not going to stop snitching. If there were no snitches, the entire
criminal justice system would collapse, from juvenile hall to death row.
Land nobody in the system is going to let that happen. So, there's really
only one solution to your problem, which is to stop giving others power
over you that they can trade for their own benefit. If you keep doing
dirt, count on someone cashing in on the information.
Exercising In The Rain
Rainy cold day
Just came from the class
It's raining outside
They're tryna made us exercise
So heartless and cruel
We are not wild animals
So I'm writing this to The Beat
So I won't get docked
Don't come to the Ranch
If you don't want to exercise
-Sunkist
From The Beat: There are a lot worse things than exercising in the rain,
so think "heartless and cruel" are slight exaggerations! Why don't you
just surrender to it, and enjoy the drops bouncing off your face? You'll
dry soon.
College Bound
\
What's really good with The Beat, though? Britt-B
speakin' on behalf of all the people locked up for some
dumb stuff. Mayne, I know I'm tired of looking at these
same four walls and wearing these same purple and khaki
outfits. If I could go back to the day I went down, I would
have neva made the same decisions...
I gots to stay away from the drama, 'cause we got a
new black President, Barack Obama. I'm not no sucka,
please believe me, but I'm tryna stay focused and not let
these hatas displease me. I'm college-bound, 'cause that's
my goal. Like, my baby daddy, LI1' Wayne said, "I know my
role."
-Britt
From The Beat: What is your plan for getting from here to that goal of
college? What do you have to do first, etc. (and what do you have to
stop doing first, etc.)? What would you like to study in college? What do
you want to do with the education you get?
Since I've been behind the wall, people have been
assassinating my character, kicking dirt on my name, and
I'm not around to wipe or clean it off. Behind these words
from others' tongue, I've lost one of the most important
females in my life (Grams and Moms come before her).
People have placed thoughts in her mind that I was
cheating in her before I got locked up (which is fasholy
not true). So she pulled the trigger and shot me in the
back while I'm already on the ground, face down. Since
I'm here, I know it's not too much I can do. So I'll ask The
Beat this: what's a man to do?
Ya boy turned 18 on Jan. 17, just to put it out there
for the record. So I'm shouting myself out.
-Ballard
From The Beat: Well, happy birthday you old man! Sorry that your girl
believed lies about you, but all successful relationships are built on
trust, so if she didn't trust you enough to know they were lying, then
maybe she wasn't the girl for you anyway.
W'asn Wit' (la
Man, they done grabbed a young thug again, but it's
smooth. I'm just chillin' like we say on tha block. Chea
though, they can't hold a goon foreva. I go to court on
Friday and I'm hoping they let me go. If they do, I'm see
my baby mama. She laughing at me, but she know w'as
up when I touch down. I ain't missing shhh though. All I
was doin' was holdin' the block down, somethin' tough.
Yeah, the gang movement gettin' shut down.
-Top Ranka
From The Beat: We don't get the "they can't hold a goon foreva"
sentiment. First, it's just wrong! More than 200 people who committed
crimes under the age of 18 are serving life in prison without parole in
California alone. But even if it was true, why would you be cool with
giving any of your life away to a bunch of strangers who tell you when
to talk, what to wear, who to shower with, what to eat, etc? Never mind
about forever; stop giving your freedom away even for a day!
Congratulations, Obama!
Congratulation to new president, Barack H. Obama...
I believe in him. I believe he can make change that
America desperately need to be changed. I believe he can
make changes of something I can be proud of, being an
American. I believe he can solve the economic problem
we having right now. In his Inaugural speech, he said
more jobs will be open and spend less money on the war.
I really like that.
That's all I can say right now about him. Ha ha. I still
think Obama should hook me up and free me...
-Free Me
From The Beat: One thing for sure, the new President has already
brought a lot of hope that the last president crushed! We hope that
your belief in the changes he can bring will also lead you to make some
changes yourself, without waiting for him. After all, one man can't do it
all by himself. He needs you, too.
Read 1m Before You Mess Wif'Em
Man I'm sick of these females hollerin' hella bullshh,
hella lies. Shhh that will get a ninja killed in a heart beat
rumors. Lies, sayin' somebody got killed and really they
locked up or at the house got ninjas stressin' for no
reason. But I ain't trippin'. Like pops said, don't mess
with females before you read 'em. So if female hollerin'
that bullshhh, they to the curb. I focus on gettin' my
dough. Man.
-Pancho
From The Beat: Forget the females and the doughty and start focusing
on your education. It lasts longer than both!
Letter to The President
\ Words And Pictures
Dear Obama,
I am glad you are our president. I hope you change a
lot of stuff for example, the economy, global warming. I
heard some other stuff.
But anyways, my name is Ceaser, I'm from California,
that's off the subject. I hope you take off the Three Strikes
Law then make weed legal. If not, then I know you're going
to do something for the world.
So thank you for your time, President, have a good
time in office. And believe me, when I'm able to vote 4
years, I'm going to vote for you. And I hope you are in the
office for the next 8 years.
-Ceaser
From The Beat: Why do you think President Obama should change the
Three Strikes Law and make marijuana legal? Do you think you could
come up with a detailed explanation about why you think these things
should change?
J I
I have no words, to speak about words.
But painting a picture is easier to observe.
Words are powerful, but so is visual
Words end up forgotten for this individual.
Life it self could be one big photo
Other then life in a book, that I'd one day let go
A picture in my mind that I could always look at
Alone speaks a million words, so I'd stick to Kodak
Words become misinterpreted and people become
Offended while a pic' depends on the viewer and what he
or she comprehended.
-Jon Jon
From The Beat: Yes, every picture tells a story don't it? WE all interpret
the pictures differently too. AS for words we find them equally
important, especially given the power they hold where you sit tonight,
be it the letters you write, or the paperwork the courts deal with on
the daily.
What I Hue
\
Q-vole Beat? Well I'm writing to this vato the new and
first African American president. Well I hope this guy
Obama makes good changes and help the Mexican people
out.
-L
From The Beat: We hope so as well. Speaking of changing, what are
yours?
Where Violence Comes From
Where I think violence comes from? I think it is just
human nature because like when people get mad, they
act in a way that wants to hurt people.
Also, when you get mad, you don't really think about
things before doing them, you just do it. So that is how
violence happens.
I also think violence happens when people can't
get good affordable jobs and live in frustrated lives, like
not being able to pay for things you need in a house, so
that's how a lot of people end up being dealers and doing
other things to get money. A lot of violence comes from
money.
-Thoughts On Violence
From The Beat: Can you relate to the examples you gave on how violence
is created? Are you one of those who get mad, and act without thinking
of what the consequences may be? You gave us good examples of what
are the causes that creates violence, what about some solutions? Do you
any in mind that we can use to reduce violence in our world?
Thanking The President
I would like to thank the president for everything. He has
already changed a lot of people. I would really like you to
come to San Jose. I think it's great that we finally have a
black president. Thank you for changing the world.
-Javaris
From The Beat: Through your point of you, how has he changed the
world? We know what you mean though.
Words, Hmmm
What's cracking? The topic this week is on words. Words
to me honestly ain't shhh. But when someone says some
shhh that's offensive to me or the homeboys then that
persons gonna get fudged up.
-Cp
From The Beat: You can't walk away? You have to get violent over
words? Why is that?
Violence: Nature Or Nurture?
In my opinion, I believe that both violence & non-violence
can make a difference.
For example, in Durango, Mexico, the drug cartels in
most cities in that state have taken over the cops. They
have kidnapped & murdered many of them.
I believe they had made their point clear to let
everybody know they run things.
-A violent example
From The Beat: What do you think the people in the cities think of the
drug cartels taking over? Do you think the cities here will ever come
to a point where the gangs become the law and the police have been
driven away?
My Letter
Dear President of The United States,
What are your plans and thought towards
immigration? What would you do to make it different?
Are you against immigration or for it? Are you going to
help the immigration?
I think you should help immigration because people
want to get a job and have a better future for there
children.
-Sergio
From The Beat: These are some great questions to ask President Obama!
Maybe you could come up with an argument of why Obama should
support immigration?
Dear Mr. Obama
\ Chased
I am glad you are our new president! I was happy when
you got elected and some people think you will fail but
they don't mean anything! You are going to succeed and
no matter what I am going to think and pray and hope
everything will go well.
Just try to achieve something and think about what
you trying to achieve and you will. No matter what I will
always think that you are going to make a change and you
should change the economy so the messed up system
would release people like me.
Sincerely...
-Bryon
From The Beat: This is a great inspirational letter to The Leader of
Our Country. You seem to have a lot of faith and some pretty high
expectations for Mr. Obama. What is it about him that makes you have
your expectations so high? Does Obama give you hope and inspiration
that there will be significant change to the way not only the economy
but the direction our country is going?
In My Prayers
\
Hey Beat! Well, happy news to you all. Well, I just want
to write a couple of linias to let you know that I haven't
talked to any of my family in about a month, almost two.
So yeah, there's only one person who's been writing me,
and that's my girl. So yeah, I try not to cry, but it's hard
to not think about your familia. So stay up. Everyone's
always in my prayer. Much love and respect.
-Malae
From The Beat: And you're in our prayers, too, Malae. One of the worst
things about giving up your freedom, even for a short time, is that life
on the outside goes on without you. Don't forget that painful lesson
when you touch down so that you never have to shed these tears
My Loss
^\
I'm not really feelin' the topics today, so I'm going to
write about what's on my mind. Someone in my family
died a few days ago. It got me hella upset. It also got me
worried about my mom because I know it hurt her a lot to
see that person die.
Well I just hope my PO lets me get a OT to spend
time with my family for a few hour well that's all I have for
today's writing.
-Mark
From The Beat: We're sorry for your loss. We hope you get that OT. Your
family needs you so much. Make an effort to get out and stay with your
family at all times, like this one.
Violent Acts
t>v
I think violent thoughts or tendencies are committed by
those who are weak-minded, and are afraid of reality or
the thoughts of perfection.
King Phillip II said something like "Perfection is
only possible to those who can see beyond their own
blindness." I think this is a powerful message to those
who are lost.
Another quote, I think means something of similarity,
is a couple meaningful words Sun Tzu said is: "To use
weapons of hate, torture or pain is the cause of a man
driven joy ill omen."
-Cody
From The Beat: Why do you think people commit violent acts nowadays.
There are reasons why people do things, and you're right maybe because
they're scared, and it doesn't necessarily mean they're weak-minded.
Sometimes peoples reactions are different because of the environment
they were raised in, and some of us were taught things that we shouldn't
have been taught. But as we get older we start distinguishing right
from wrong and its up to us to make the correct decisions.
Few years ago, I got chased by two cars with guns, so I
got scared and I started to run down a hill. The guys got
out of the car. I was getting chased so I ran to my friend's
house...
-Fernando
From The Beat: Damn that sounds scary ass hell! Why do you think
those guys were after you? Do you think they mistook you for somebody
else?
A Letter To The President
It's amazing that an African American can run for
president just 50 years ago they wouldn't be able to drink
from the same fountain as a white. But now you kick
down a lot of doors in not just America but the world.
I believe you will make America a better place with
terrorist, drugs, and get violence out the way. I believe in
you and what you can do with your chair in presidency.
Well good luck with being President.
-Lil' Dreamer
From The Beat: That's a good point about not only kicking down doors
in the USA but all over the world. This is history and all the petty
differences that we creative amongst ourselves can only be taken down
by us. So it's up to us to kick down doors and be more open minded to
all the different cultures and people that are around us.
Good-Bye, Beat!
Hey Beat readers. Jacklyn hea once again for the last
time. I'm finally being released on the 18th. Yeah baby!
Four and a half months, and I'm finally bouncin', goin' to
a group home. But it's good I'm out! Hecka sick birthday
present!
I'll miss you Beat! You really made Thursdays exciting
for me. Ha ha! Well, yea, no more locked doors. Ha ha! See
ya Beat! Xoxo
-Jacklyn
From The Beat: Congratulations, Jacklyn. We hope when you see us r
it's out there and not in here! By the way, this doesn't have to be your
good-bye piece. Even when you're out there moving forward with your
life, you can always write to The Beat and we will always publish it!
Good luck.
A Letter To The President
I would probably tell him to go through with legalizing
weed. The second thing would probably be to start making
the economy better. So they will start releasing people.
They're keeping people detained because the economy
is messed up right now. So they're keeping people so they
could make money.
-David
From The Beat: You're probably right, they're probably keeping people
detained to make some money. But also you have to not let them take
your freedom away. How can you do that? By not putting yourself in
positions where you have to break the law.
All I Know
They say people learn violence but I was born with it.
Through out my life I was always seeing violence as a
child. That's why I'm here because that's what I know and
nothing more then violence and anger.
-Chincz
From The Beat: We can understand that sometimes you're raised up in
a violent environment and that's the only way you know how to act.
But as you grow up you can learn how to act a different way. Obviously
your violent angry ways can land you in jail so you know those are the
ways you're trying to avoid. There are other ways to deal with your
anger besides violence, and that way you don't have to jeopardize your
freedom. It's your choice.
I Don't Belong Here
Dear Barak Dnama
What's up Beat? I ain't feeling any of these topics, so I'm
gonna tell you a 111* something about my criminal mind.
Sometimes I feel like I don't belong in the hall, but if I
was in the outs, I would have been catching more cases
besides my 2-11 and 2-45.
I got a few months life skills, but I ain't tripping. I'll be
out soon in my 'hood not slipping up to no good, you feel
me. And other times, I feel like I belong here for the fact
that it ain't nada to a criminal minded.
-Mopfin
From The Beat: You are lucky to get that program after all the mess
you've caused. But, it seems like you haven't gotten the point of what
brings you back in here. You mentality is what will always bring you
back in here. If you don't change it, you will always be part of a hold
up from the system.
See Ya Later
vo
This is that one homie, just posted in this hell with two
more months left. By the time this is even in the Beat I I
will already be out. So to all stay up there's a saying that
I heard today and I like it. It goes like this, "death before
dishonor."
-Animal
From The Beat: We hope you had made this saying cleared to us, the
meaning of it.
Por Villa
Que onda, Beat? How you guys doin'? Well, this is that
solid-ass por vida soldado (soldier for life), Littles, comin'
at you from the max — not the imitator, but the real
"porvideoso."
Today, I would like to rap a little about my situation.
First off, I'm locked up for a pc 211 (robbery). I've been
down for seven and a half months now. So I took my case
to trial 'cause these K-9s weren't offering a homeboy any
kind a deal. So I went to trial. And I lost. They found me
guilty, an' I get sentenced on the 26th of January.
But check this out, these foo's are sentencing me
with 12 years! One strike! Crazy shhh, huh? You know I
never thought I would be doin' tiempo like this, especially
for a robbery. These punks dropped that Proposition 21
on me, plus gun enhancement. They tryin' to have my ass
hauled off.
The good thing is I got hella support from my familia,
my 'hood, and most of all, I got a good, strong stable
mente (mind). You know I'm looked upon as a solid street
soldier and I am, don't get it twisted! But my scenery is
changing. I ain't going to be on the streets for at least ten
years. I'm going to be putting it down behind the walls.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is this: "porvideoso"
ain't ever going to change. It's por vida till the end of time.
The only thing that has changed is a solid individual like
myself getting taken off these San Jo' streets an' getting
stationed behind the walls.
Well, I got two months till I leave to county. To all my
comrades and solid homies, stay up. This soldier for life
is out. "Another Day Gone is Another Day Strong..."
-Telly
From The Beat: So let's see if we've got this right. Telly. You robbed
somebody, took your case to trial, lost and got sentenced to state prison
for twelve years at this young age, but THEY are fools? The only positive
we can make out of that is that maybe some other youngster will read
it, and see that losing twelve years out of your life isn't worth it! As
for promising never to change, that's just more blindness. Change is a
certainty; its only what kind of change and who will be directing it, you
or someone else. We do feel sorry that you will have to spend time in
the cesspool of our adult prison system, but we hope all who read this
understand the consequences.
My name is Tristan, I'm from New York City. I came to
San Jose at a very young age. The mentality that I have
had for the past 5 years barely changed.
Right now I'm 17 turning 18, I feel that your
inauguration helps me see that there is no more excuses.
There's a minority in the white house!
All my life I thought the streets was the only way for
me, that quick money, hella girls on me ,and smoking
trees. I though that was life, that's all there was to it.
But keep it real I want to change, like Obama's
campaign was about "change". Right now I'm currently
attending school. I have 185 credits. I should graduate
high school in like March. Honestly, high school was
never a problem.
Now when I get released, I'm going to attend Evergreen
Junior College, get an associate degree and move on. This
is some lil' kid shhh. I'm a grown ass man and it's time to
start acting like it.
-Tristin
From The Beat: That's the spirit we like to read from you. You're right!
It's time for you to start acting like a young man. Get your education,
get your life back on track and start living life like you're supposed to.
Violence Is Normal
Que Onda Beat! This is your homie Chino once again. I
think that violence it's normal because I grew up where
every body it's crazy and don't really care about a thing.
So that's why I think I am like this.
-Chino
From The Beat: So, you're saying that you're life would be a different if
you had been raised in a different environment?
In This Hell
_^^^^^^^^^^^^_
Check this out Beat. This yo' boy Dre back at it again.
But shhh I'm up in this hall tryin' above C level, but other
that they tryin' to play me like a lil Atari every time I'm in
this hall. You feel me? This system is messed up.
I hope Obama is going to help us out because out
here shhh is getting hectic for yo' boy. I'm in this hell
because people be hattin'.
-Dre
From The Beat: Through the way you express yourself, we can see why
you're in this situation. Are you sure its the system that got you held up
in here? Or is it the way you're handling things?
On My Mind
What's good Beat? Your boy Mousie, writing what's on
my mind. I've been here for a couple months now, but it
ain't nothing to me. Some detectives trying to bust me for
some dumb stuff that went down, and people pointing to
me. Now they waiting 'til I'm 16 and they gonna give me a
strike if I get convicted - for stuff I didn't do.
I'm sick of people running their mouths about stuff
they don't know, just to save their own selves. They can't
handle the time and think they're playing the system, but
end up playing their homies. It's bull. Anyway, I'm out.
-Mousie
From The Beat: You can't control what other people choose to do. It's
obviously difficult enough to try to control your own behavior. You say
2 months "ain't nothing". Well, what does matter to you, if your own
freedom doesn't? What do you care deeply about? Acting tough is easier
than doing the hard work that could turn your life around and make you
deservedly proud of yourself. That's the kind of work that would make
your family proud, too. We ask you to consider focusing your energy
on your own life. Ask yourself hard questions. And respond honestly.
That's the beginning of a life you can be proud of.
Eventually You'll Push Back
No, I do not think nonviolence as modeled by Dr. Martin
Luther King Jr. can be made more than violence. I think
violence can come from anybody. Someone just has to
keep on pushing him or her around and sooner or later
they will fight back.
No, I do not think people are born violent. No one is
born a sav. They are made into a sav. People probably
resort to violence because they grew up around it at a
young age, so they think it is ok when their role model in
life are violent person and I feared by all.
So they want to be just like him and impress him by
fighting. Or they just want to make people fall at his feet.
Well I have to go Beat, late.
-The one and only Monkey
From The Beat: Do you consider yourself being violent? If so, are you a
person whose become violent due to violence that you've experienced
in your surroundings? Can you think of a solution that can eliminate
violence?
Viulent Tendencies
What up Beat! This would be Sneaks. Well in what topic
I'm gonna speak mind about is violence.
Violent people are sometimes that way 'cause of the
way they where raised or the people they were raised
around. And others are violent 'cause outside forces.
Outside forces for me are friends, family, rivals and
many others. It may or not relate to this, but I think
the violence I have is because the anger I hold for them
enemies, the anger I hold for the father who hasn't been
there for me, and the anger I hold for them messed up
cops.
Cops are cool, but other cops are racial profiling just
because the color of skin, clothing or the style of clothing;
when they should be messing with them chomos (child
molesters), people who are stealing, and them tweakers.
But, the hell with them cops .
The family, well my dad and mom use to fight in front
of me and that was because my pops was always drunk.
Well he got deported and ever since then he didn't try to
call or write us. For get him.
-Sneaks
From The Beats: It's obvious that you've lived a uncontrollable life ever
since you were very young. But, that's the past. You're no longer a child
anymore. You have everything in life and you're capable of making a
better choices to take you to a better life. You need to find a way to let
go of that hate you've been caring. OK, we understand that you didn't
have father there for you, rivals hurting yours and vice-versa, cops
always intervening; however, you still here, alive and got everything
you need to change your life around. Drop it and move on with life.
Mature up!
IP.
\
Dear President, Barak Onama
Ever since I was a child, I have seen and heard of racism
in America. But people like you give me hope. I hope
that your presidency changes people's perspective about
minorities in the years to come.
Because my incarceration, I was attending a school
called CCOC in San Jose, California. I was taking backing
and catering and I was also the student body president.
Although I have made some major mistakes, I still have
hope. For you have proved that no matter the challenges
you're up against. Any goal you have can be achieved if
you put your mind to it.
-Dlt
From The Beat: It seems like you had it going on in high school. What
happened? If you were the student body president in school, that shows
how smart you are. What's your plan?
I wish I was on the out's because I need to be with my
family especially my Dad. My dad is very sick and he
needs me to step up as a man and take his responsibility
for my family. Pretty soon, I might not have a dad now, but
I I need to face my fear and step up and do what's right.
Well stay up Beat and face your biggest fear.
-Lil' Green Eyes
From The Beat: We're sorry to hear this. It must have been hard to have
this in mind all the time. Be with him. Make his last days happy and full
of pride, happiness and love. He and your family need your support. So
do what's right! Stop being selfish!
Talking About Violence
What's cracking? It's this Troubles from Gilroy once
again. Well on tonight's topic about violence, I don't think
people are born violent we become violent.
We react out of anger and it results in violence. Most
people don't think about it. They just do it and afterwards
they regret it!
Also some people may see nothing, but violence
through out their whole lives. They just do what they see.
That's all I got for now. So till next time. This abstract
minded vato is gone.
-Rancho
From The Beat: Are you one of those people who would do something
and regret it later? Do you have an idea on how we can't get rid of
ana
viol<
violence once for all?
Update
Warm greetings once again. It's that Pachuko also
known as chuko. Where should I start? On Monday, I got
the words that I'm going down to a Youth Alternative in
Southern California by San Diego, that's if they except me
to the program.
Ain't that something? I am from San Jose going to
Southern California Well I have court this Friday 23rd and
I that's when I find out if I get excepted to the program.
Well to all the locked down in the regular units, just
remember you have an exit date to those in the max keep
your heads up one love.
- Pachuko
From The Beat: What are your plans if you get accepted in that program?
Are you going to follow it through? Maybe a new environment can make
a difference. Use this chance to fix your life. This might be it.
Mom
\
What up Beat? Well it' that homie coming out this unit.
I just got transferred here from another unit. It's good to
be here that unit was getting hella wack!
Well today I'ma talk about my mom because she
motivates me to get through this time. I am proud of her
because a couple years ago, she wasn't in the right state
of mind. She was always doing drugs and all of a sudden
she started to get her shhh together. She finally snapped
out of it and she started taking responsibility to take care
of my little brother and sister 'cause she was always gone
doing her thing.
Now to this day she has a job and she's doing good
and also taking care of my little brothers and sisters. Well
that's it for now Beat until next week.
-The Son
From The Beat: Great for your mom. We're glad things at home are
getting better for your family. You got a perfect example at home that
shows that a change is possible. Now, you're the one who needs to
make a difference in your life, home and in your family. We're proud of
your mother. Quitting a bad habit such as drugs is really hard and it
requires a lot of support. Yours!
Powerful Words
To Mr. President
What's up Mr. President?
I just want to say you're the coolest guy ever because
there is going to be change. It might not happen soon,
but I know it's going to happen and you let everyone else
know that they can be a president no matter what color
they are. Until next time Mr. President.
-Young Uso
From The Beat: Will there be a change in your life as well? What are you
thinking of changing?
A Better Place
To me remaking America means fixing our economy and
providing more jobs for our people. It also mean giving us
a better and affordable education.
-David
From The Beat: How should this happen?
Words
Words are very powerful. It could determine your
emotions, sad, mad, or happy. It could also have strong
feeling like the simple few letter word that is really hard
to express (love).
Another that is easy to say, but can cause a lot a
damage and hurt someone is the word hate. Well that
what I wanted to say word are very powerful.
-Paul
From The Beat: Nice expression! How do you relate to those hard saying
words? Have you ever used them towards someone? Who? If so, are you
glad to say it or do you regret saying them?
Words affect you in one of the strongest ways.
If they are hard, they affect you mentally.
They do not hurt you physically,
but they go deeper inside of you and punish you
in your mind.
If they are good they can activate something inside of you
that thought you never had.
Words unlock different chambers of your mind
and allow you to raise or sink your ego.
Words can take you higher than the sky
and let explore the unknown
in order for your mind to grow
and become what you want it to be.
-Matias
From The Beat: Yes, words are magical for better or for worse. Thank
goodness for words! Every thing starts with words!
.
Them Words
\
What is crackin Beat readers? This is the homeboy Shrek
coming from the max unit. Still here waiting to bounce.
Today I'm going to write about the topic "words",
words are no joke they are very powerful. They can get
someone killed, beat up, stabbed, shot etc. or they can
hurt someone's feelings. For example the B-word could
get you slapped and so on and so forth. The word "hate"
can offend someone also. All I'm trying to say is watch
out how and who you talk to. Because one person might
not trip, but the next person might. Well I'm out one love.
Stay up...
-Shrek
From The Beat: That's why we always have to be careful when we are
shooting from the hip in conversation, 'cause not everyone relates the
Time goes on and on
It doesn't wait, it doesn't slow,
It doesn't replay, it just flows.
Time goes on and on
When you miss out, there is no rewind
But never lose hope, never decline
'Cause time goes on and on.
Sometime we forget what we have in life,
Sometimes we just let things slip out of sight
But time goes on and on.
Life is precious so stay afloat
There's always good, no reason to mope,
Times goes on and on.
Don't get left behind, don't live in the past
Because the good moments I've had I know they here to
last...
Time goes on and on
-Cisco
From The Beat: Wow, what a great and true poem! We know that The
Beat readers will find inspiration in this piece, as did we. We look
forward to reading more of your pieces and we look forward to reading
what you write after you're released.
Violence
Some people are born in certain household ways. Like
how your parents acted or your neighborhood. Your brain
is like a sponge.
Some people grow up to be violent by the people you
hang out with, which affects your life.
-Not Sponge Bob
From The Beat: You're right, our brains are like sponges. What do you
think parents can do for their kids to protect them from picking up
things that aren't necessarily good, like fighting or stealing?
Angel De Mi Vida
What's up Beat? This is Chino from Sunnyvale once
again. Well this poem is for that special someone, she
knows who she is.
(Intro)
You're my angel (You're my angel)
I need you (and I need you)
You're my angel (You're my angel)
Sent from up above...
You're the angel de mi vida (my life)
sent from above,
I never thought this pandillero (gangster) could ever find
love,
when we met I though gang-banging was my life
and that was my destino (destiny)
but then you came into my life
and gave this chino to carifio (caress),
you made me realized that a good jainas (girls) are hard
to find
by taking a chance on me
with the fire in his eyes.
So please don't do me wrong mija (girl)
you know that you're my wife,
or I will turn into the devil and gun powder will ignite.
(Chorus) Angel de en mi Vida
We are always gonna be together 'cause I need you in my
life.
-Chino
From The Beat: Nice! We like this poem. We hope she gets your message
as well, and that you start living life that won't jeopardize your
freedom!
Violence Is Evil
My Letter to The President
Violence, it's one of them evil ass words. When I think
of that word I have flashes of people doing crimes and
people forcing others to do things that they don't want
to do.
V I think violence comes from family traits and it's
natural but when people get more into society meaning
TV, friends, neighborhoods, etc. and that level of violence
rises and some people learn violence when they get
abused or bullied.
Others learn violence from street gangs and little kids
see that and they think that's the way they should behave
in the society. There are many ways people learn violence.
I learned my violence the way I was raised and the hood I
live at.
Well, my time is short so I am going to end by saying,
until pencil meets paper.
-Bin Laden
From The Beat: Why do you think society thinks its okay to show
violence on TV and in movies and music but when people are faced
with actual violence coming out the hood then they don't know how
to handle the situation? Do you think if violence in entertainment was
discouraged then the violence in our neighborhoods would cease to
exist? Do you disagree?
Violence
„
Well Beat, I don't know if anybody is born violent. All
do know is I was taught to be violent or be known as a
sucka.
I don't know but that's what everybody in my hood
was taught, if anybody gives you shhh just smash on
them. I guess that's just how every Californian gangster
is raised.
-Izzy
From The Beat: It sucks when your only two choices in your neighborhood
is to fight or be a punk. We're forced to fight for our place in our
neighborhoods and it shouldn't be this way. What do you think you can
do in your neighborhood to change this fact?
Convincing Words
What's up Beat? This week's topic is words. Words can
mean a lot and they can also not mean shhh. Words can
be very powerful.
Obama uses very powerful words. Words that make
people believe he's going to be good president. Words can
lead to good and bad things. Well that's all for now till
next week.
-Mv
From The Beat: When have you used words for your convenience? Can
you think about time when you said some of those powerful words that
convinced someone and that person agreed with your speech?
.
Io llm
\
I would like to say to President Barack Obama, "I think
that it's great that we finally have a black president, but
what are you going to do for all of these black communities
in San Francisco like Fillmore or Hunters Point? Come
visit us for once, get San Francisco back alive.
I heard that you came to the Fillmore District, but I
know you can come to the other side too, and get some of
these crack heads off the streets and in to some program,
so they can do something in their lives instead of getting
high.
-Reggie
From The Beat: We hope he gets your message. In reality, there are
alot of things that needs to be changed to make this place better. The
question is, "are you willing to cooperate in changing your community?
Little by little, a difference can be made. Do your part!
Dear Mr. President,
My name is Keymonte, but that's beyond the point.
If I would had been 18 at the time, of course I would
have voted for you, but I wasn't and my mom voted for
you and step dad.
Sir, I really hope you can change America and save
us 'cause we aren't doing that great and even the people
that voted for you are kinda doubting you can change
America. They say it's too much of a load for you, so I'm
done arguing with them.
So please make a change and play your cards right.
Also, I'm African American so I hope you don't think I like
you 'cause of that, I agree with a lot of your thoughts.
-Keymonte
From The Beat: This is a great letter, Keymonte, we hope that President
Obama is able to hear our voices (unlike our last President) and see what
we really need. Remember, you too have to play a part in change!!
To The Good President
Dear Obama,
I think you are going to be a good president. At first, I
didn't realize that you becoming president was that big an
idea, but now I realize that it is 'cause you gone through a
lot to become president.
On top of that you made history 'cause you are the
first black president. Congrats!
-Obama Believer
From The Beat: We're sure that Obama will greatly appreciate this
letter.
To The Beat
\
What up Beat? This is your boy Jose from the hall. Well
I've been in here for two months, but I had court today
and I'm going to advent for 90 days.
I'm a try to change my life, finish probation and try
not to come back.
That's all for now Beat lates.
-Jose
From The Beat: Good luck and we hope you get to achieve all your plans
for a better tomorrow for you and your future. Think about getting an
education as well. It's really important.
It's A Risk For A Thug
What's up, Beat? This is Lazy, I'm firme off these topics
so I'm going to write about the risks a gangster or a thug
take's on the daily basis, so here I go.
For the gangsters, they take a risk everyday because
of what they rep and the color they love. Also, they gotta
watch out for the cop's because the cop's hate on a bald
headed Mexican and that's right, when do you ever see
I them hate on the opposite side of a Mexican?
For them thugs, like me and my homies, we risk
everything from freedom to our lives because we love
I to steal. It's addicting, if I come across an open car or a
wallet on a table it's mine. I risk it, no joke. If it has to
do with money and thieving I'm there, that's right, I'm
there.
Well Beat, place me up, don't hate. I'm out for now
much love.
-Lazy
From The Beat: Why do you think you steal? Wouldn't it be more
satisfying to get your money and cars legitimately? If you got your
things legitimately then you wouldn't end up in the halls for it. There's
much more to life than a gangsta or thug lifestyle, don't limit yourself
to a life that's already limiting in the first place.
"She Got It"
Verse 1:
Shorty knows she got it, she got it out of all them other
girls.
She be the flyest, quit being foolish and ride with the
tightest
'Cause I'ma Titan sittin' in the drop top with the nicest.
Shorty knows in life I'll take her the furthest.
My lyrics always come out the hardest
But haters hate, that's why they talk their shhh
But I'll love you no matter what regardless
And I won't do you wrong baby I promise.
Our love will proceed only with progress
So who the Hell care about all that gossip?
Can't understand them anyways 'cause they talk in
gibberish.
Shorty, let me take you to my world where we'll live lavish.
Baby, I've never heard of the word expensive
'Cause everything to me in life is priceless.
Shorty, get with me go ahead and take the risk
I'm so addicted to you like a fiend is to narcotics.
Now don't you think that's a little ironic?
Jump in the jet so we can fly super sonic.
My sexual desire for you is so erotic,
Your body so beautiful it's hypnotic
And shorty knows she got it she got it.
Chorus:
Shorty I love the way you shakin' them hips
Shorty I love the way you lickin' them lips
Shorty love's the way I be droppin' them hits
Shorty get with me we out let's dip...
Verse 2:
Shorty know she got it, she got it.
She's fine, a dime piece 10 out of 10
Ride or die chick to the very end.
Our love is true, there's no equivalent
We'll last forever I'm so confident.
You know jealousy got suckas talking but they ignorant
I ignore them 'cause they speakin' irrelevant.
What a hater says is never important
Disrespectful, yup, they're so insolent.
Shorty the only thing I got in this life of sin,
When she's not by my side she got me thinkin'.
This girl is everything I represent
Go ahead and quote anyone of my statements
You know I tell the truth it's so evident.
The whole world is my testament
This love is real, I ain't got to pretend.
Shorty's been with me through thick and thin
And she's more then just a girlfriend.
Without you my love is so immanent
And shorty knows she got it, she got it.
Chorus:
Shorty I love the way you shakin' them hips
Shorty I love the way you lickin' them lips
Shorty love the way I be droppin' them hips
Shorty get with me we out let's dip
Verse 3:
Shorty knows she got it, she got it.
Shorty, you just don't know the things you do to me.
Don't be blind open up your eyes so you can see
That you're the only one that I want and need.
So baby, swear to me that you'll never leave
'Cause I think I'll go crazy if you did.
Mentally, you're the only who makes my heart skip a beat
Just by the way that you kiss me
And I ain't bein' soft because everybody bleeds
And right now I'm bleeding out the love for you and me.
But damn this shhh too good to believe,
I must be stuck in some kind of dream.
Shorty, wake me up from my fantasy.
Shorty, bring me back to reality,
'Cause you know love couldn't hide or cover up these
streets.
They're corrupt and they'll kill you by any means
But I try to cope with all this insanity.
I use to drug myself up with coke and weed,
Used to take me to another world, it used to help me
But now I got a new drug and it's love.
Lil' shorty is my everything, my everything
Shorty knows she got it, she got it, she got me, she got
me.
-Chico
From The Beat: What a piece Chico! Maybe you can channel everything
you've been through, through your music? Instead of getting in trouble
again once you get out why don't you focus on your music?
To My Lady
As the days goes by
I think about the better times
that we spent together,
me and you forever,
as I dream of the past,
I knew that they weren't going to last,
but I stood by you 'cause I already know that I love you
forever and ever.
But ever turns into never
even though you already know that I want you by my
side
'cause them lonely nights
just ain't feeling right,
girl just know that I need you.
-J
From The Beat: How do you know it wasn't going to last? Well, you
know what you need to do to get her back? Being here, won't help you
at all.
If I Had a Perfect Life
What's up Beat? I am going to write about a perfect life.
If I had a perfect life with my family most of my life
I would have a perfect life because they are always there
for you when you need them they are there.
If you need a friend or a homeboy they are not always
around to help you but your family will be there for you
through every step of your life.
Your homeboy will only help you mess up your life
and help you pick the wrong way down the road and in
the juvenile hall or to jail and to your death because you
listened to them and they make your choices for you.
-Justin
From The Beat: This is so true. There is a big difference between a friend
and homie. A friend will try and lead you on the right track and a
homie? A homie doesn't give a shhh about what happens to you, s/he
might write to you while you're locked up but when you get out what
does that same homie do? S/he tries to get you to smoke or drink or do
something that could get you back in the hall. A real friend would never
do that because they would respect your freedom.
#/////
Time ticking away
X
First off, Is your time ticking away? Because mine is, I've
been to this juvenile detention center too many times. All
I'm doing is watching my life pass by, looking through the
foggy, tagged window wishing I could get out.
It seems you don't wanna change, or realize you
wanna change until you're locked up, and the worst thing
is when you don't know when you're getting out. So you
just stay at the correctional facility until your time comes.
When you get out you want to smoke some weed, drink,
or whatever you wanna do, but it ain't worth it if you ask
me.
You have your whole life to smoke, drink, or whatever,
but when you get out and you smoke, or whatever, you
lose trust.
You're just asking to be put back in jail, the nasty
food, the early bed time, people telling you what to do. It
sucks! And when I get out I want to change but we'll just
wait and see what happens.
-Grizzly
From The Beat: Change is all about each person. The question to you
is, how bad do you want this change? How bad do you want to stay
out of detention? How bad do you want to keep your freedom? It's all
about a choice.
Things I've always wanted to do is
One thing I've always wanted to do
is be with my family.
One thing I've always wanted to do
is to have things the same way they used to be.
One thing I've always wanted to do
is to have my baby niece with me.
One thing I've always wanted
is to have my girl Sandy with me.
One thing I've always wanted to do
is to try and be a better auntie for my niece.
-Amanda
From The Beat: Its time to start thinking about the things you miss and
want, and compare it to the "fun" you've been having. Are the decisions
you've been making worth what your missing?
//// //
Violence
Violence got me time
Counting the bricks in my room
Hoping I get out of here soon
I committed a violent crime
I couldn't keep my self in line
-Was Out Of Control
From The Beat: One question to you, was it worth it?
The Value of One Life
My life is what you call hell
Every time I'm walkin'
I'm takin' a vacation
To the underground
Fools always trippin'
'Cause I'm a classy, girl
I ain't never give it up first
I have one life
Take care of my baby boy
He is the main thang
He keeps me movin'
Day by day
The hood is takin' over
Drugs -and- sex don't mean nothin'
AID's comin' up quick
Young people dyin'
-Diamond
From The Beat: And you should take care of your baby boy, keep in mind
it's not about just "You" any more it's about your baby boy and you now.
Yes, there is a lot more to life then just "sex", but if you do please make
sure it is with protection.
My Life
I got locked up at such a young age, and I didn't really
care.
Never wanted to change
now I'm sitting here trying to rearrange,
to find a better place
to have a better day.
-A new me
From The Beat: Its good to hear that you're trying to make a change.
That alone will start you in the right direction for a better day.
'smnoauTSi
Hello
I'm The One Who Knows
I would like to send my positive salutations to The Beat
Within and the family within us. I'm back once again for
some insubstantial reasons.
I just graduated from a program called Rites Of Passage. I
did a year and I was out for a month, trying to enjoy life and do
something productive with myself. But nothing was coming
my way. I'll be gone for another eight months at a ranch up
in Redding. Then I'll be eighteen. I'm looking forward to
consolidating myself, as well as getting my diploma. I'll leave
it at this, for now. Hope this gets out there.
-Listo
From The Beat: Next time, if nothing is coming your way, keep looking.
Don't give up. It cost you an extra eight months this time. Next time, if
there is one, it could cost you a lot more. Don't let that happen. Work
hard. Thanks for your piece.
One Thing
One thing I've always wanted to do is just fly away to
a place where it's just me, myself, and I - a place where
there are no problems or things to worry about, like court,
and stuff like that.
-M
From The Beat: We can dream M, but eventually we have to wake up.
Problems are a part of the price we pay for the gift of life. Its how we
handle our problems that makes all the difference. Maybe you'll decide
you want to start handling your problems in a different way. There are
people who can help you, if you ask.
One Thing...
One thing I've always wanted to do is become successful
in life. I've had dreams of having kids and a wife, making
money legal. But right now I'm single and ready to
mingle.
From The Beat: All good goals. You're young and life is long enough
to do all sorts of things. But remember you can be single, mingle, AND
make money in a legal way - all at the same time!
ey would
An Honest Appraisal
If my family would tell me everything honestly,
like them to tell me. Something that I think they
say is that they love me and they want the best for me.
Also for my faults, they probably would say that my
drug problems and alcohol abuse is bad. These are some
of the things I think they would say.
-Alejandro
From The Beat: Being able to hear honestly what the people you love
think about you is a very brave thing. It sounds like your family might
tell you exactly what you need to hear: That they love you, but that
they want you to change your lifestyle. Is there something that you
would like to tell them?
Influence
\
Influence is what you make out of it and how you
incorporate it.
It could be your hood and your family and outside role models.
Staff in incarceration can be an influence, as authority figures.
But influence is a habit and could be evil and good from
different ways.
It's a bad habit to follow bad examples, like tweakers or
negative suckas.
But I don't get influenced. I win and influence people
myself. I'm very seductive.
-Andres
From The Beat: You say there are two types of influences, good and bad.
You also say that you are a strong influence over others. What type of
influence are you? What makes a good influence?
J
When a boy falls in love he thinks over one girl. He
wants to try to get a little thing going. Strange expression
on his face is showin'. He gets an old rag and he shines
his shoes, and passes the girls in his favorite shoes. After
school he walks her home. When he gets home, he gets
on the phone, tells his baby he misses he soul when he's
just seen her five minutes ago. He talks an hour, hangs
up, then picks up the phone and calls her back again.
-Brenton
From The Beat: So, that's how it's done. We've always wondered. Thank
you.
What I Want, And Don't Want
I hate this place.
I want some fast food,
to see my boyfriend,
and my dad.
I just want to be able to walk somewhere not
in a rectangle court yard.
And I definitely don't want
to go back to Florida.
-Vigilante
From The Beat: You've listed some of the major motivators for getting
out. Getting to choose what you eat, who you see, and where you walk
are some of the simplest rights taken for granted. Try to remember this
feeling.
The Best Times
The best times I had were when my man and I used to
spend time together and he would hold me and we would
just watch a movie.
I have been living with him since the age of fifteen,
and I have not regretted any of it. He is everything to me.
When I found out he was incarcerated, I was shocked,
because he's being charged with various things that will
put him away for awhile. I'm sad I haven't talked to him. I
hope he's fine and I hope to see him soon.
We had so many plans, like a nice apartment, decent
jobs, and other things. I wish I was out so I could go to
his court, but I'm stranded in these halls for I don't know
how long. I wish I could tell him how I feel, but I have to
wait, do my time first.
I wish I could go back to him, even though my family
hates him because he's a gangbanger. I'm going to wait
for him. I'm going to stay true to him and his love, always
and forever.
-Diana
From The Beat: Its important to have someone we love in our life, but
how do we know if this person is deserving of our love? You write
that your family doesn't like him, that he is locked up, and that he is a
gangbanger. Do you think any of these aspects of your relationship will
change? Do you want them to change?
Sitai
I'm the angel of musk.
It's bad language that I speak.
My attitude and rude appearance scare all of you.
You fear my name,
acknowledge my authority as temporary ruler over this
world.
I've got the money, power, and all the girls.
If it wasn't for me, there wouldn't be freedom of belief.
No more grief. Just walk with me.
-S
From The Beat: We'd like to take some time to think about your generous
offer - like maybe a lifetime, (if you don't mind, of course.)
smnonurs,
Mur
\ I Wanna Have Fun
Outside living is a vision in my grasp. But can I do it
good? Can I handle myself being free? Of course I can,
but it's my head that doubts my feelings of my heart. I
want to have a life and live drug free one day but I'm not
going to stay off or away from drugs I already know, not
for a while will I become sober.
My head says one thing and my heart aches for
another. This continuous argument must be growing up.
I don't know what to do. I'm going insane, but I'm not
going anywhere. I think I need a break from everybody.
A vacation away from human beings, just no stress or
people to worry or think about.
I guess I can't take that vacation because I need to
work on my life. Work, Work, WORK! That's all it ever is.
All work and no play makes murmur a Dull and frustrated
kid. I don't need stress. I need a good life.
-Murmur
From The Beat: It sounds like you could use some help figuring out
how to cope with stress. Some people write, some skate, some play
basketball. ..It doesn't matter how you do it, but it does sound important
to learn some way to find some peace for yourself. Maybe you'd like
meditation. Somehow it would be great to find a way to groove more,
so that everything doesn't feel like work.
\
Violent Spirit
I'm a violent person. I was brought up around violence
and it amuses me. I watched Menace to Society when I
was six with my older partner. It boosted my violent spirit
up. When my friends are hurt, it makes me want to do bad
things to bad people. I go straight to revenge.
-John Doe
From The Beat: Just like John Doe could be anybody, we all have the
potential inside of us to be violent. Some say it's like a beast you
must tame, and not feed with things like movies that excite that. Be
aware of how you really choose to live, and plan out how you can live
according to that.
What's up Beat? Man I got like two more months. I can't
wait to hook back up wit my boys and finally be free again.
Ima just celebrate everyday and make up for everything I
missed. Just relax and live my life and have fun wit my
patnas and some pretty girls. I miss my ninjas I can't wait
to get money and have hella fun.
-Juice
From The Beat: Well everybody likes to have fun. We edited your piece
though because we weren't sure whether some of what you're planning
is legal. It can be a challenge not to do some things in the moment that
seem like a good idea, because you're keeping your eye on long term
goals — and one of those goals is not living in prison. Build a real life
while you have fun, finish school and get a job!
Good Life
I just wanna get up out of here. Make it safe on the
streets. Be there for my baby when it's born in June.
Maintain at school, graduate, go to college get a good
degree and make some money.
I want to get out be there for my mama. Set goals for
myself like to succeed. To stay out of jail to accomplish
something like being a good father. Be there for my baby
to provide food, clothing, and a safe spot. To inspire my
siblings to do the right thing, don't follow my mistakes.
I'ma have to figure out how to be a good Dad and how
to stay out of trouble so I could work on that. Try to find
God in my life and in my kid's life and start praising him
and giving him thanks for putting a baby in my life and
I making me understand how to be responsible. Set goals
for my baby when he grows up.
-Young R
From The Beat: Congratulations about your baby! Young ones really can
help us realize what is most important to us...and because we care for
them every day we remember that they need us. Good luck with your
goals and family!
Dear President Barack Onama
I think you will do a very great job. Considering the
situation Bush put us in, we need a good president and I
think you're going to be a good one.
I also think it's going to be good to get a little color in
the White House. I think we need all those jobs back too
and all those lost homes. I think you can do it.
-Jesse
From The Beat: We share your confidence and high hopes!
Tn The President
.
Dear Obama, I was just thinking about if you had the
power to make Mexico America because I don't really
know anything about like government stuff but I want
Mexico and Mexicans legal because they benefit America
by being good workers. Like who harvests fruit? Who
builds a lot of houses? And who runs a lot of fast food
restaurants?
The answer is it's mostly Mexicans and when they
do they get discriminated for it like calling us border-
hoppers and stuff and they want to actually work and have
a better life. That is why most of us come here, but I'm
just making a suggestion/statement. So I'm just hoping
you really read this and really think about it.
-Pantoja
From The Beat: This is an issue the president will be thinking about and
working on. They will probably never make Mexico America, however
they may revise immigration laws. We hope the revised laws will be
more fair to those who contribute so much to our society.
Vinlence Gnin' On
Wassup Beat whats crackin? This your boy coming out
of Vallejo tryna see whats up wit ya you feel me well I'ma
talk about violence. I think violence is gonna keep on
going on. I don't think its ever gonna stop because its
pretty hard for people to stop using violence, that's one
way you could deal with a problem. Alright then I'm gone,
keep you head up to all that are doing time.
-Your Boy
From The Beat: Even though it's hard for people to stop using violence,
we could still stop it if it's harming people and not effectively solving
anything. Street violence seems to create a cycle of revenge.. .that has
no end. Could you stop using violence, even if it was hard?
Tn Onama
I feel I'm not doing good in the juvenile place. I feel like
it's unfair. I can't stand it. I get in trouble for nothing
and that gets me angry so then I get mad to where I can't
control myself and then I really get in trouble for being
mad.
I just don't know what to do. Today I got mad and I
started to punch the wall and now I can't come out of my
room for today and tomorrow. That's not fair.
-Raysheem
From The Beat: We hope your hand has healed by now. Obama was a
young man too, who had to figure out how to handle his anger. Sometimes
people need help to learn how to control themselves, sometimes you
can do it on your own. It is not easy, but it is possible. Now that you're
in juvenile hall you have to live by their rules. Remember not to come
back if you don't like the rules! Don't forget to breathe — you have a
long life ahead of you...
smnonurs,
My Letter To Obama
Freedom Is Coining
I wanna have marijuana legalized because I think it
would do lots of good. For one it would stop people tearing
down forests because marijuana grows in 4-6 months and
produces 4 times as much paper than regular trees and
regular trees take 20-40 years to grow.
Also it would stop people from selling it on street
corners because everyone would be able to have their
own plants in their homes. And how is it that alcohol and
cigarettes are placed on the shelves of our local stores
which are America's #1 killers and a simple plant is
treated like a threat to mankind when it is scientifically
proven impossible to overdose on marijuana.
But smoking is not the only reason it should be
legalized we all know that hemp is very helpful plant in
making strong materials that last longer than most things
used today. Also it causes less pollution. But that's all
the time I have right now. I really hope you take time to
consider what I've said and consider legalizing the plant
that will help America's people and end lots of worries.
-Krazy
From The Beat: This is a well written letter, well argued and thought out.
Hemp is different from marijuana though right? Our understanding is
that hemp does not have THC levels that would even make people want
to smoke it. We also wonder why hemp has been so shut down. What
is your personal connection to this?
I've been here for 3 months. I've been trying to go to
New F. but they've been lagging it. I've been here for 90
days and a month I'm trying to get over there to finish
my sentence. It's a new year, I'm looking forward to the
summertime and the beaches and barbeques and freedom
and being with my family at the house and hopefully be
out for my birthday.
-Juan
From The Beat: We're glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
You make summertime sound great. Good luck.
Waitin So Long
J L
I've been waitin so long for a ninja to plot on me they
think they gone ride on me I've been waitin patiently I've
been waitin so long for a ninja to try me you ninjas than
seen you know where I be I've been waitin so long (x2)
Dear momma if I go don't cry I'm in this game momma
do or die
-Shawny D
From The Beat: We had to edit most of the verse because we don't print
glorification of violence or illegal activity. Shawny, this reads like a
song about death. ..is this how you want your life to end? Is it true that
if you die you don't want your momma to cry?
Uiilence is Leiriel
\ r
I think people are only violent if they learn it. You can't be
born with violence. The syck can't transfer violence from
genetics, you have to learn to fight--you have to observe
violence to learn violence, then you have to process what
you've observed, put it into effect, and see what you can
do.
You have to have heart to be a violent person. You have
to have the courage to get hurt as well as the courage to
hurt someone else or to kill. Some find it hard to hurt,
some find it amusing, and others just can't handle it and
those who can't handle it, then they're weak!!! And aren't
prone to violence.
-Ace
From The Beat: We agree that violence is learned. We have also seen
"heart" used the way you speak of it,. .and it no longer emphasizes
kindness.. .or love. We think violence requires a coldness to feelings, an
ability to turn off— which we think is also learned. Sometimes it takes
courage and great strength to find another way besides violence— and
that doesn't necessarily mean weakness.
"iTee What I See AnTneel What I Feel ^\
I see what I see and I feel what I feel. But the love that
I give you, is good to be real. I make you angry, and I I
make you sad. But really I'm just lovin what I never had,
in Love.
It was a cool winter night the stars were shining bright
love was in the air the fragrance everywhere, her name
calling through the rain drops. Her beauty quite divine
pressed against mine I removed all fear as I whispered
in her ear "I'm madly in love with you oh yes, baby it's
true" I let out a sigh as I gazed into your eyes staring,
until - death do us part you and me one hundred percent
of my heart. I will scream it from the highest mountains I I
will scream it from the tallest trees so that everyone shall
know that I'm in love with you.
-Lovin*
From The Beat: Definitely one of the best reasons to be a free person
is the ability to express mad love in all its various forms. We like your
line "her name calling through the rain drops," and wish you much love
in the future.
Locked Up
I What it do Beat, here we are, another week, I'm stuck
in here till next month. I got court three days before my
release date. And might be looking at a new placement
either in the hall or I'm graduating to county. Hopefully
I'm headed out this place. If not, then shh I'm doin time,
I I can't wait to get out this system. It's always draggin you
down. Anyway Beat, I'm out till next week.
-Ali
From The Beat: What do you want and plan to do once you are out of
the system? How can you plan your life so that you can stay out of the
system?
What's Crackio' Beat
To all doing time it ain't nothing. I live this life. I was
raised in the streets. Brought up to be real on what I
represent. I got these thoughts that stay in my mind. I
ain't afraid to do this little time. When I get back to the
streets, I don't know what's going to happen.
I'm not leaving, judge told me this the last break.
There's a 99% chance I'm going to prison at the age of
eighteen. My risk is high. It's not like I'm not coming
back to jail, so I'm not going to lie. When you walk the
streets day in night there's that risk you're going to die.
That's fine with me. I got die for something.
The streets are cold got play for keeps. My mind ain't
based on money. I ain't a shame on what I do. Most people
don't like it. They would have done it too if they lived my
life. People like the president can do what they do. But it
don't affect me or help me. I still live.
-Stunkey
From The Beat: We don't want to give up on you. We are not sure why
you have given up on any kind of life besides prison. Many people have
left this life and have gone on to have a family, a job, and a life they
wanted to be living. We're not saying it's easy, especially if everyone
around you is living this life. You have written about when you were
a little guy you did not want to go to prison. ..you are still that person,
and still have the potential for a life that little person had— before you
even knew about all this type of life. Why are you so stubborn? You
are being loyal to death, why? It doesn't care anything about you, living
or dead.
smnonurs,
//// //
Stop The Violence!
\ What Matters
I think violence shouldn't be used at all, because it's
better to talk things out. If everyone were to talk things
out, the world would be a better place and most of the
deceased would still have their lives. I think people use
violence to show off and earn respect from their peers.
That's not how you earn respect!!! Yes, I've used violence
before but look where it got me? I've learned from my
mistakes and when I get out, I'm going to talk things out
with the people who don't like me. I'm ridding myself of
all the violence in the system. So there you go, don't use
violence in any situation. Just learn how to calm yourself
down when a situation goes bad. Thanks Beat, for listen-
ing to my opinion!
-Tork
From The Beat: Thanks for writing Torlc. We agree that violence is not
the answer. People often use violence for the wrong reasons, it's as
though they use violence to solve their problems because they saw
someone else using it too. We're glad you've chosen the path of non-
violence to solve your problems, and we hope you stick with it.
Violence In The Hood
I think you have to live up around violence to be violent.
If you come from a good neighborhood you probably
won't need to fight. In a bad neighborhood you need to be
violent sometimes to get what you want. I think the only
way you can change things is to be violent. If someone
is disrespecting you, you can't just tell that person to be
quiet. If they're disrespecting, it's probably because they
want to fight. But if you respect each other or are from
the same place, you probably don't need to use violence.
-Munchie
From The Beat: Hi Munchie. It's true that living around violence can
make a person violent. Sometimes in order to stand up for themselves or
others, people resort to violence; however, it is important to remember
that violence is not always the answer. People may act disrespectfully,
but it's only human nature. Violence doesn't have to be part of human
nature. If everyone could give respect and get respect, then maybe we
can end this cycle of violence.
More Food In JJC
\
Dear President Obama,
What are you doing? Me, just chillin with The Beat
Within and I'm going to write to let you know that here in
JJC, the food is never enough. We should get more food
because they don't feed us enough so I was wondering if
you could put more food on the table for us.
-Anthony
From The Beat: Sorry to hear the food is never enough. Young people
need lots of nutritious food so they can grow up healthy and strong.
No promises, but we'll try to get your message to Obama and see what
can be done.
lave Of lie Peiilt
\
Dear Mr. Obama,
I am glad you have become president. I would like to
start by saying good luck with your first term in office. I
am confident in saying I think you have the smarts, talent
and the love of the people. All those things you must have
to be a good president and be loved by the people. I hope
and pray that you can turn this economy around. I will
pray for you. Please don't disappoint our nation.
-Bradley
From The Beat: Its a great feeling for many people to experience this
change in our country, this lift in morale and spirit. We'll hope and
pray together that our economy, and other issues affecting our nation,
will turn around for the better. We can also get involved in helping
President Obama by talking with our loved ones educating ourselves
about the issues and encouraging our community to continue to vote
and help to turn these important changes into reality.
Twenty years from now it won't matter what shoes or
what style you had your hair in. What will matter is how
long you lived and how much you learned.
-Joshua
From The Beat: Great words of wisdom and insight! What inspired you
to come up with this thought?
Obama Is Changing The World
\
Our world is a big disaster, but ever since Obama stepped
into office, people are living happily ever after, gas prices
went down, and every lady is happy in town. From schools
to gyms, stores to lockdown prisons, Barack Obama is
changing the world. Nobody is missing and homeless
people are roaming the streets where Obama is finding
a place for them to sleep. So when you hear Obama is
coming to town, don't sit on the couch and frown, get out
and see him.
-Kevin
From The Beat: Yes, a change in our country's leadership has come.
Some people fail to realize how wonderful it is to see the first African
American president take office. But like you said, a change has come
and we should go out and greet change.
It Sucks Here
It sucks in here because I am not going to be home with
my family and because the staff always has to tell you
what you do, like when to do your PT. I hate it when you
have to wake up really early and do the PT, and if people
sound off then we have to start all over. I really miss my
family. I went to court yesterday and they were going to
let me out but my mom and dad didn't show up to court.
That shhh was not cool. I wanted to cuss out my family
really bad.
To be honest though, when I get out I will probably
be dead. I know that God put me here for my own good.
It really sucks in here. I want to be out with my family so
that I can let my daughter know that I love her and to tell
her not to worry about me while I am gone because I will
I be home soon.
-Peanut
From The Beat: We are glad that you see that your actions have
consequences and we hope that you do get to see your family soon. AS
I a father, you owe it to your child to do the best you can for her and for
yourself so good luck.
My Opinion On Violence
I do not think people are inherently violent. People resort
to violence for many reasons depending where you live or
how you are raised and so on. I think if you grow up in the
ghetto, you're chances of joining a gang or committing
a violent crime is much higher, compared to living on a
richer side of town. Nobody is born violent, it all depends
on what you see, what is done to you and your reaction.
Most kids act violent cause they know nothing else. They
weren't taught right and it's hard to readjust from what
you already know, like being on the block all day.
-Anthony
From The Beat: Growing up, we sometimes become products of our
environment. If you grow up in a violent neighborhood, most likely
you will be violent. But it takes self-will to decide to rise above the
negativity. We often choose to stay the same, and it can be a challenge
to change for the better. Even though many of us grew up surrounded
by violence, gangs and drive-by shootings, we can still decide to defy
all of that and choose a better path. We do agree that environmental
pressures are overwhelming sometimes. We hope that you or some of
your peers will help continue to tell about the cycle of violence and help
change the environment for young people in the future.
smnonurs,
//// //
Lover, Not A Fighter
Stand Up To Violence
There are better ways to solve issues instead of doing
something dumb or violent. You can take a deep breath,
go for a walk, or talk to someone about it.
I have let my anger get to me and I hate it. Then I do
something stupid that will get me into trouble and that
I will regret. It gets my mom, brothers and sisters sad.
I hate when I do this because they all love me so much.
They help me a lot. They are there for me all the time and
it makes my mom stressed out and cry.
As for me, it makes me very sad and stressed out
because I love my family so much and I hate having my
mom see me like this. I hate myself, seeing me like this.
Because my mom does not want me here, and all she
asks of me is to do good and go to school and stay out
of trouble and be quiet. She doesn't want to see me live
this lifestyle. She doesn't want me to be here or in jail or
prison, and I don't want to live that life.
All I want is to learn from my mistakes and then go to
college to help out young kids like me, to let them know
it's not worth messing up. There are better things to do
then be in trouble.
I want to do good and show my dumb dad's side of the
family that I'm better than them. I will show them that I'm
not stupid like their family. I'm a smart, loving kid. I'm a
big lover, not a fighter. I love to love. All I want is to make
my mom, brothers and sisters happy for me and keep the
family together. I want the whole family happy.
-Roman
From The Beat: Your words are strong Roman. You can do this; you just
have to try. You seem like a very caring and loving person, and you just
have to stop doing what makes you bad. Keep writing instead of being
in the streets. You can show your family and prove them wrong. Speak
up and do what's right. Just by writing this piece, you've shown us that
you don't want this life. You can have a better life.
Home \
I want to go home really bad. I miss my mom and I am
tired of worrying about visits. There is nothing I can do
about it though but to pray to God to let me out because
I wish that they would set me free.
-Nick
From The Beat: Freedom comes with responsibility. If you want to be
free on the outside it is important that you respect others, yourself and
the laws around you.
Think Within The Beat
There are many people locked up for violent crimes and
some that are locked up for minor crimes. But in the
long run any crime can get you locked up. In a tiny cell
for nineteen hours a day, being told when you can do
something. Missing out on your family and friends on the
outs. Hardly ever get to see the sun, only the light that
you can see through a tiny window. No matter where you
go always behind locked doors.
No one was born to be this way, it is just the path you
take in life. You are the only one that puts yourself behind
all these locked doors. So if you are someone reading this
who has not experienced this, think twice before you act.
Put your family before the actions that get you locked up.
If you want to have a good life, stay off the streets. Think
within the beat.
-Lucky Charms
From The Beat: Your words are strong and we hope many young people
take your advice. We know someone who was locked up for eight years
straight, and that didn't go well. When he finally came out, everything
changed. He lost many friends who were close to him. His family forgot
about him. Because of his actions, he lost the connection with many
people. Being locked up is scary and lonely, and no one wants that.
Violence has been around on earth for as long as Adam
and Eve. As soon as Eve bit the forbidden fruit and sinned
against God, that's when violence entered earth. When we
look back into history, Cain killed Abel, his own brother,
out of jealousy.
Many Romans found it entertaining to watch as others
battled for their lives. Violence is all around in this world.
It's on television, in music, at schools. Everywhere we
turn, we are faced with violence.
The real problem is that parents aren't teaching their
children how to deal with peer pressure and what to do if
you are violently approached. This results, in my opinion,
fuel for the flame of violence. People are scared to stand
up and look violence in its eye and stand firm.
-Jerome
From The Beat: Jerome, thanks for writing. We are impressed with your
historical knowledge and the way you try to look at human patterns
from the past. We agree with you, but we also think its not only the
parents' fault. We have to be able to listen to the little voice inside
ourselves that says "don't do that, be careful." But yes, many parents
do need to step up to the plate. We all have the ability to change, and
it might be as simple as changing the channel on TV. Violence exists,
but we have to try to do everything we can to not nurture and kindle a
flame that shouldn't be there. Just by writing this piece, you've taken a
stand, and we hope more young people do too.
Getting Straight
The days in this Hall are going by fast, but I still do not
feel like being here anymore.
I miss my mom, my family, and my son.
I really can't wait to get out of here and to do good by
being a father to my son.
I want to graduate from high school and go to college.
-Numbers
From The Beat: We are glad that you are open to change, but it is easier
said than done when you don't make a plan. So what will you do first
to get what you want?
What's Up Prez?
What's up new president? I want to say I am happy for
you to be the president. I just want to tell you also not
to stress off things. I know you can do it because I heard
some of your speeches. I think you are going to make
change. For reals, like something in my brain told me that.
You may think I am crazy, but it's for reals. Hopefully you
can write to me so we can chop it up, like talk. Maybe you
could give me some advice on life. It's cool if you don't
want to though. But yeah, take care, and make some good
decisions. I know I don't have to tell you that because I
know you will.
-Nino
From The Beat: Yo, we think it's real cool that you took time out to
write to our new president. Just like you, we have faith in him and it's
wonderful how you look up to him. Maybe if he doesn't write back, you
can always listen to him talk because he always has inspirational things
to say. Stay strong, and if you do get the chance to talk to Obama, tell
we said "what's up" too!
-^_^_^^_
Getting Messed With
Some kid in my pod socked me in the head. But I want
to say Mom, that I know how to avoid all of the fights. I
just talk to my fellow friends in here and tell them that I
have faith, and they help me tell people that I don't want
any problems.
-John
From The Beat: Way to be brave and stick it out. Most times when people
are violent in the Hall it is because they need a friend and don't know
how to be one themselves.
smnonurs,
//// //
Fixing The World
Changing For Her
Dear Mr. President,
I think you did a good job on your speeches. I know
you will fix our world's problems.
-Devor
From The Beat: Our country is facing a turbulent time. We'll need to
actively support our new president so he can begin to address the many
issues that face our country and world. Together, lets hope for the best
to come.
An Unfinished Story
I really feel like I messed up. Now I am in here in the
Fresno JJC, stuck. I've never really been in here before
and I guess I thought I could get away with just about I
anything. Reality kicked in real quick though and now I I
am in here.
I miss being able to do stuff that I like, like playing
video games, watching movies, reading good books,
eating a hot meal and especially writing. Before I was in
here I was writing a book. I really wanted to get it done
and publish it soon. Now it seems like that dream has
faded.
Hopefully I will get to continue it but I don't know. I
just can't seem to get any motivation anymore. It's like I
hate everything! Do you think you can help me?
-Jacob
From The Beat: Sometimes when we have goals in mind they have to
be put off because other things become more important at the time,
but sometimes we don't realize that we can use what is happening
around us to reshape our goals and make them new. So how can you
use this experience to help you do what you love, to write a book?
We understand that you are experiencing difficult emotions right now.
However, your emotions, whether positive or negative, can be great fuel
for finishing your book or to start another writing project. It seems like
you've already figured out how to discipline yourself to write something
as major as a book, keep going in that direction.. .see your book and
positive goals in life to completion.
To The President
To the President Barack Obama, how you been? Well, I
just want to tell you that you have to be a good president
and I also want to tell you congratulations for being the
first African American president. As president, I wish you
the best and remember do what you said you would do
when you were running for office. Be a real president and
I want to get out here and never come back and do my
best out in the streets.
-John
From The Beat: Thanks for your letter to President Obama. It's too bad
you couldn't take part in the process of electing him. But hopefully he'll
live up to your expectations. It seems that his success has inspired you
to do your best in life. We have faith in you and encourage you to try
hard and reach your goals. Good luck!
ier.
Why I Am Here
The reason I am in the JJC is because I was ditching
school because I had a class that I didn't like the teacher.
So my friend and I left the class and started walking the
halls at school saying bad stuff to the other teachers as
we passed by other classrooms.
A CA at our school caught us after a teacher reported
us, and we both got expelled from the school. I was
already on probation and wasn't supposed to have any
police contact and this event violated it, so they locked
me up.
-Daniel
From The Beat: It sounds like you have a lot to learn about respecting
others. We hope that something in you sparks an interest in your own
education before it is too late, and you begin to regret your decisions.
I miss her smiles, her cute giggles, and I miss the way
that she would wake me up in the middle of the night. I
miss her beautiful blue eyes and the way that she talked.
She was born in august of last year, and she is the most
important thing in my life. She gives me the push I need
to keep going. I have already changed my life for her and I
will be the best father that I can be. Nobody understands
the hurt that I feel. If I could speak to her I would tell her
how sorry I am. I would tell her that I will be there for her
every day.
-Jeremy
From The Beat: Being a parent is the best joy in life, but it is also a lot of
responsibility. How can you show her that you mean what you say?
Violence
\
When I was little my family was having problems with
drugs, which caused a lot of problems in my life. When
I was younger there was a lot of violence that taught me
how to be violent too. I used to be really violent and it
caused me a lot of trouble. My opinion is to control your
temper because violence can have you end up in jail or
even dead.
-Seth
From The Beat: Being exposed to violence is often not a choice we make,
but is made for us? And it takes a brave person to realize that you do
have a choice whether you want to keep that violence going and expose
others to it through your own actions. Keep your head up.
Obama & Change
\
I think Obama will make a good president. He had better
ideas than McCain. Obama's ideas for change were to help
the economy, and the environment.
-Valden
From The Beat: We think so too, and we know he'll need the support of
young people like you in order to carry out those changes.
Not Born To Hort
I think people are violent because of outside forces all
around us. There are neighborhoods around us that are
very violent. People are not born to hurt other people. It
depends on the environment around us.
-Francisco
From The Beat: Ones environment plays a big role in determining
how violence gets used. What factors contribute to making a good
environment for young people?
Reunited
I am not feeling the topics today so I am going to write
about what is on my mind, my girl. Before I got locked up
we broke up over some drama. But I let her know the truth
about that situation and how I really feel about her.
She forgave your boy and then we got back together.
I can't help but to think about this old school song that
keeps running through my head, the chorus goes...
reunited and it feels so good... And it is so true. I love this
girl so much that my words are indescribable. She is my
soul, my world, and my love. I love her unconditionally.
We just need to keep it bonded and don't let anything get
between us.
-Joey
From The Beat: Being separated from those you care about is hard, but a
relationship cannot grow together when you are not whole yourself. We
hope you work on yourself while you are in here too. Oh, the song you
mentioned is "Reunited" by a singing duo. Peaches and Herb.
'smnoauTSt
//<?/ //
The Good Times
How I Fell Today
I am 11 years old and I am locked up. I remember when
I was at home and I was having fun. I used to play soccer
and eat lots of good food. Most of all I miss my family
because when I am at home I have a big smile on my face
and a little dog names princess.
-Bernadino
From The Beat: You are so young still, we hope that you remember what
it was like to have consequences to your actions and stay out of trouble
at home.
Back Again
I just got done doing fifteen months and I had told myself
that I was going to calm down when I got out of here, but
only two months went by and for some shhh I am back
here. But I am not trippin' because this is the block to be
on. They can't hold me here forever, so watch out.
-LIT Izreal
From The Beat: It doesn't sound like you want to change this time
either. It will just keep getting harder and harder each time you come
back until you give in and learn to respect yourself!
A Letter To God
,
Lord, I have done wrong in my life, but I have also done
good too. I pray to you because I believe in you, I trust in
you, therefore I have faith in you.
I am a sinner, I have sinned, but in this letter, as I
do every day, I ask you to forgive me. This time that I
have been confined, I have realized my mistakes, and I
am willing to change. I pray and ask you to help me to
change.
You know everything that I have done and I am sorry.
But that night that I came here I was doing a good deed
and not a crime, please help me to go home and continue
my life with my mistakes fixed. Thank you Lord, you are
my father, savior, everything. Help me and be with me
now.
-Zack
From The Beat: Your faith in a higher power is strength in you. Use it to
figure out you can help yourself and have as much faith in yourself to
be the change you want to see.
Doing Good
I wanted to get out of here and not come back. I don't
want to do bad, I want to do good at home. I don't want to
get in fights or they will give you more time.
-Bernardino
From The Beat: Your definitely thinking the right way, stay positive.
Remaking America
Remaking America means to me to build a faster transit
system in Fresno. It means to stop building homes so that
all the ones in foreclosure can get sold first, or rented
out. It means to give the homeless homes so that they
are not on the streets. Also, we should be giving bigger
paychecks to the disabled. I also think that Liaisons
should get better paychecks too. They should not charge
families either, for their kids having to spend time in Juve
either. They should also provide better food in the jails
and the prisons too.
-Cody
From The Beat: These are large things to accomplish that will take lots
of hands. How can you help to get these things done that you seem to
care a lot about?
Today I didn't get to play basketball with the pod for
something and it made me really mad because I had
to stay in my room and didn't get any fresh air. I have
court on the fifth of this month and will probably have to
transfer to boot camp. It sucks because I want to see my
family and my girl, and especially all of my nieces and
nephews too. I miss them all so much when I am in my
room thinking. To everyone reading this, stay up and stay
out of here!
-Timmy
From The Beat: WE wish you luck wherever you go next and hope that
you learn to appreciate what you have on the outside the next time you
have big choices to make.
Dear President
\
I voted for you in November, because I think that you are
looking out for our youth. You have promised change and
we all know that it will take time.
-Hopeful kid
From The Beat: Not only will it take time but it will take the help of
many others, and we want to know how you think you could help too?
Froi
mar
Getting Out
Well, I am finally getting out of here at the end of the
week! I gotta get my life together; I am going to be 18 with
no probation. I can't wait to go to Florida to play football,
but I need to get a job first. These topics are crazy this
week, but I understand them. My life is going to be a lot
better when I get out. At least I hope so.
-Crazy Boy
From The Beat: We wish you luck in seeing your goals through. Remember
to take your change one step at a time and be responsible for yourself.
No Lo Greia
Le dijiera a mis seres queridos que los quiero mucho
especialmente mi mama.
Cuando mi amigo fallecio no lo creia. Fue algo muy
triste para mi porque siempre pasaba con el y siempre lo
tengo en mi corazon y en mi mente.
From The Beat: Sentimos mucho tu perdida. Aveces las cosas pasan por
alguna razon, que nos ensehan una leccion y aprendamos de ella.
I Didn't Believe It
I would say to my loved ones, especially my mom that I
love her.
When my friend died, I couldn't believe it. It was
something sad for me because I was always with him and
I'll always keep him in my heart and mind.
-Carlos, San Francisco
From The Beat: We are sorry for your loss. Sometimes things happen for
a reason, to teach us a lesson that we can use to learn from it.
Lo Que Dijo Obama
Obama el mensiono como el mundo ha cambiado,
tenemos q cambiar el mundo. El quiere ayudar a todas
las familias que necesitan ropa y comida.
From The Beat: lEstas dispuesto a cooperar con el cambio de este mundi?
iComo? Recuerda que el no lo puede hacer solo.
What Obama Said
Obama mentioned how the world has changed, and how
we have to change the world. He wants to help the people
who need clothes and food.
-Edgar, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Are you down in cooperating in changing this world?
How? Remember that he can't change all this on his own.
Un Pooo Triste
Que onda? ^Como esta la raza? Me encuentro ahorita
en la juvenile.
Cuando me vine de Honduras, me vine un poco triste
porque mire a mi mama y me dio tristeza decirle que ya
me venia. Se quedo preocupada por mi, pero gracias a
Dios llegue bien a este pais.
Ahorita estoy preso en este lugar y me van a deportar.
Le doy gracias a Dios porque voy a volver a ver a mi mama.
Estoy un poco triste pero tambien gracias a mi Senor
Jesus Cristo voy a volver con mi mama y mi familia.
From The Beat: Para la proxima vez, deberias de consultar con ella antes
de tomar una decision. Si vas a hacer algo que traiga mucho riesgo,
hazlo por algo que valga la pena. Gracias por tus palabras.
A Little Bit Sad
What's up? How are you? I find myself in juvenile hall
When I came from Honduras, I came here a little bit
sad because I saw my mother right after coming here,
and I got sad to tell her I was leaving. She stayed worried
about me, but thank God I made it to this country.
Right now I am locked up in this place and they are
going to deport me. I thank God I'm going to see my
mother. I am a little bit sad, but thank my Lord Jesus
Christ I'm going to see my mother and family.
-Chele, San Francisco
From The Beat: For the next time, you should consult your decision
with your mother before making one. For the nest time, if you're going
to do something risky, do it for something that is worth it. Thanks for
your words.
Soy De Honduras, Pero
Hola, no soy de este pais, pero espero que les vaya
bien con el nuevo presidente. Ojala que sea sierto lo que
prometio con las promesas que les ha echo. Yo se que
este pais va a tener un nuevo cambio.
From The Beat: Eso esperamos tambien. iY cual sera tu cambio?
I Am From Honduras. But
Hi, I'm not from this country, but I hope everything turns
out well with your new president. I hope he keeps his
words he promised. I know this country will have a new
change.
-Luis, San Francisco
From The Beat: We hope so too! What will be your change?
Para Ella
Con toda el alma asi quisiera amarte siempre asi con la
alegria q le has devuelto ahora a mi vivir.
Apesar de que me digan ,que no me pude enamorar tan
pronto asi de ti, estoy enamorado y eso me hace feliz
Robarte un beso, una caricia y despues tener tu cuerpo
te lo confiezo tambien quisiera tener todo eso luego hacer
una cancion
que parezca una oracion
para pedirle a dios que te deje aqui en mi corazon.
Amor, amor, amor con toda el alma te amare
de mi siempre tendras lo q no pudo darte alguien mas,
amor amor amor con todo el alma te amare
llegaste con tu luz treyendo paz y calma
por eso prometo amarte siempre asi con toda el alma.
From The Beat: Que linda dedication! Para la proxima nos gustaria
un poema sobre tu vida. Si le vas a escribir algo diriguido a otra
persona, hazlo en otro momento y directo a ella. Nosotros tenemos otro
proposito.
For Her
With all my heart,
I would love you always like this with much happiness
that you've brought to my life.
In spite of what they say, that I didn't fell in love so soon,
I am in love with you and that makes me happy.
To steal a kiss, a caress, and after that have your body
I confess I also want to have it all, and make a song
That can sound like a prayer
To ask God to leave you here in my heart
My love, love, love, I will always love you with my soul
From me, you will have everything other couldn't give
My love, love, love, I will always love you with all my soul
You came to me with your light bringing peace and calm
That's why I promise to love you always with all my soul.
-Arias, Santa Clara
From The Beat: What a nice dedication! But next time, we would love
if you write another poem about your life. If you're going to write
something directed to another person, do it on your own time. We have
a different purpose.
El Peligro
Buena aqui les va otra de mis historias. Yo he salido
muhas veses de mi ciudad porque mi vida a corrido
peligro y para proteger ami familia. ^Te imaginas como
te sintieras que a unos pandilleros locos te buscan, que
no te encuentran y que se quieren vengar de tu familia?
Por eso piensa bien las cosas antes de salir de tu hogar y
proteje a tu familia.
Yo tengo una foto que la llebo en mi corazon. Esta mi
madre y mi hijo. Por eso haz bienla cosas y portate bien.
Cuida a tu familia y trata de dar un buen ejemplo.
From The Beat: Entendemos que te sientas preocupado por tu familia.
Tienes que buscar la forma como ser diferente y tomar decisiones que no
perjudiquen a las personas que quieres. Creemos que esta experiencia te
ayudara mucho cuando estes cerca de cometer otro error.
Danger
Well, here goes another of my stories. I've ran away from
my city many times because my life has been in danger
and I also needed to protect my family. Imagine how would
you feel if some gangsters were looking for you and don't
find you, and want to take revenge on your family. That's
why I suggest you to think about things before you leave
your city and have to protect your family.
I have a picture I carry in my heart. It's my son and my
mother. That's why I'm telling you to think about thing
well, and behave well. Take care of your family and try to
set a good example.
-Catracho, San Francisco
From The Beat: We understand that you are worried about my family.
You need to find a way to become a different person and make decisions
that won't affect the people you love. We believe this experience will
help you a lot, so don't for get what's more important when you get
close to make another mistake.
Dios
^Que seria de mi si no me hubieras alconzado?
^Donde estaria si no me hubieras perdonado?
Tendria un vacio en mi corazon, vagaria sin rumbo
Y sin direccion
Si no fuera por tu gracia y por tu amor
Siempre cuando te encuentres en estos momentos pidele
a Dios que El es grande y te va ayudar,
te va dar paz en tu corazon y todo te va salir bien.
Dios es amor y paz.
Villa Franca, Tegucigalpa, Honduras.
From The Beat: iCrees que estes aqui porque perdistes el rumbo? iCual
es tu destination? Gracias por tu mensaje. Tambien deseamos que Dios
te de fuerzas y buena vida en tu mundo.
God
What would have been of me if I hadn't reached you?
Where would I be if you hadn't forgiven me?
I would probably have an empty space in my heart, and
travel without a heading or destination
If it wasn't for your grace and love
When you find yourself in hard moments, ask God
To help you, He is big, and He will help you
He will give you peace in your heart
and everything will go well
God is love and peace,
Villa Franca, Tegucigalpa, Honduras.
-Chele, San Francisco
From The Beat: Do you think you're here because you lost the guidance
of your destination? What's your destination? Thanks for your message.
We also hope God give you the strength you need and a new heading
to a better life.
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
£ J^^ 7mg m jW' LJLLL « fJJJf-.ZJ-
'£T/?ffXG MCnffL,nr/< BK0 HK'
Forever
My eyes are shut still I see you so clear
I stare in your eyes and the whole world disappear
Leaving us together so no one can see
That me and you could really be
Maybe now or the life after, if it was meant to be
No matter what happens
My love for you will live for eternity
That's the truth, really that's real
But you can never really understand how I feel
Until you decide to listen to what my heart has to say
I would just let yo' heart get away
I'll chase it for miles
And if stealing yo' heart is a crime
Tell 'em I'm guilty, I'm skipping the trial
It's nothing
I'll do life for you
Shhh just lock me down
'Cause I might be within you.
Your Life
Your life is worth more than that click or that block,
that's gone be there when you die, with new dudes doing
the same thing you did.
Your life is worth more than that pistol charge or that
murder case.
You wanna know something? A gun don't make you
a gangsta'. Killing somebody or selling drugs don't make
you gangsta' because a nerd could carry a pistol. A five-
year-old boy could pull a trigger and kill someone.
Man, yo' life is worth more on the street than in
prison. And the dude you did your crime with, you think
he solid because he say he gangsta'? But he's the one
telling on you.
If you only knew what kind of pain you caused your
mama, grandma, and whoever else loves you.
Your life is worth more than what you think it's
worth. Everybody has a positive purpose in life. It might
take long to find out what it is, but it may make you rich
one day. Once you learn, you live, because darkness soon
comes to light. So what's yo' life worth?
Hie has been a long time contributor since way back in the days
when we found him locked down in a Maximum Security Unit, at
Alameda County Juvenile Hall. He was always delivering thoughtful
writing, as he was occasionally getting POWs (Piece Of the Week). Now
HK, who will soon be 22 years old, is back with some more insightful
writing and wisdom to dish out to all readers young and old. Writing
from a California Youth Authority in lone, CA, our old friend HK brings
us some words of motivation and encouragement!
I'm Focused Now
I remember around the end of 2004, The Beat Within
asked me, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Well
I'm still in the "Y" right now. That was almost 5 years ago,
and people are still asking me questions. Well next year
I'm out. Five years from there I'll be graduating college.
Why? It's because I'm focus now.
There are so many kids and young adults in here
that's not focus. So many catching time add-on's for
stupid reasons. But me, I'm focus now because of the
time I spent behind these walls, I gotta work extra harder
to get where everyone else is at.
It's nothing though. I'm focused now. So when
someone look you in yo' eyes and lie to you telling you,
you gone be just like yo' dad, or you never going to be a
success, or you ain't gone be shhh. Tell them straight up.
I'm focused now. Man, you young ones in the hall right
now, step that game up and get focused. I'm out.
'DffniBL LrBinSZ'
The Beat
Greetings, from within to you and all your staff. Well I wanted
to give credit and respect to you all for giving a voice to our
troubled youth and for giving them positive guidance. Man I
trip out when I read their articles and poetry. I can relate on so
many levels. I also grew up troubled as a youth and chose that
street life and pursued that criminal fame.
I now realize the sad reality of this life style as I did it all,
but got no where in life. Most real G's in the game are busted
in maximum security or dead. I ended up in maximum security
at the age of "17." I'm now soon to be "29". I wasted so many
years of my life in prison, "Where you learn to mature quickly."
I have benefited from the trip in two ways.
One: I matured as a person and took the opportunity to
educate myself.
Two: I got to see the truth behind the glamorized image of
that thug life/Vida Loca. It's a rough road to walk down. And
most of the OG's will tell you. If I only had another chance, I
would do it differently. It breaks my heart to see the youngsters
choose the wrong path. Soak up some game from a real gee
Our next writer is trying to put you up on some real game. So we'd
advise you to not skip this piece, get your snack out, or kick back
on your bunk, and read this. Do not miss this opportunity and let
someone from deep inside these prison walls let you know what they
would do different if they had another chance. Sending us his OG game
from deep in California Correctional Institution in Tehachapi, CA, who
wants to let all you readers know a little a secret about this game!
that's done it and survived many struggles and wars.
This ain't living! Like Pac said, "We giving you jewels, use
them like tools." Do something positive with your life. You
only live once. Help reconstruct your community. Remember
one hand washes the other and if you ain't part of the solution,
you're part of the problem. I wish you all the best on your
journeys, and no matter what happens keep your head up. God
Bless!
Well Beat I hope you can get my message to those youth, if
at least one listens then we made a difference. Thank you for
your effort in the struggle. God Bless You All. Thank you.
Respectfully and Sincerely,
A friend and supporter...
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
£ 7/r7Wl£7MM/IWmffl / / * */ / • / / / V
'MB. DBnXBLS'
Be A Leader
When one, is at his/her lowest, you can do one of two
things: accept defeat or dig deep within yourself to strive
for embitterment. So choose wisely because from that
point on you have only yourself to blame for everything
that happens in your life after that.
Stick to the basics and change the things that you
have control of now (your thoughts, actions, beliefs,
etc.). Don't worry about that which is out of your
control. Ain't nothing going right for a reason. So instead
of dwelling on that, figure out a way to get around your
problems. Learn the lesson from your mistakes, and push
for embetterment.
Humble yourself and accept reality. Get out of that
fantasy world and keep it real with yourself. Strive to be
the best that you can be. That should be your motivation.
Give your all and stay firm in your beliefs and actions.
There is never enough learning for you. You can learn
something good from every person you meet. Either it
can be something you keep and use in your life, or it can
be something you would never do. Life is your teacher.
It's not how you die, but how you live while you are
here that will be remembered. Some of the best then been
worse than anything you can imagine and prevailed to
accomplish great things. Stay focused, positive, and be a
leader.
Our next writer has been gracing the pages of our publication
for quite some time now constantly delivering piece after piece of
inspirational and motivated writing. Mr. Daniels is never hesitant to
speak his mind and calls things exactly how he sees them, never sugar
coating anything. Sending us these powerful pieces from California
Corrections Institution in Tehachapi, CA, Mr. Daniels digs deep within
himself to deliver some great knowledge for us to grasp!
Fooled or Betrayed
As a child growing up, you don't know none of the
wickedness of the world. You only mimic what you see
done or what is taught to you. Children have no faults.
What you see in a small child is their innocence in the
newest form. As parents, we much be the protectors,
providers, etc. So you are responsible to install in the
kid morals and values, which you know are righteous.
Life is a struggle from first breath to last. To really enjoy
life, count and cherish the moments in life that truly take
your breath away.
You can't expect for things to be better for your
kid's future if you aren't practicing good yourself. You
alone are the real role model. Not the person they see
on televisions. Watching T.V. is escaping reality, watching
you is reality. Life is a constant learning experience. So
it's no reason for you to not teach your kid the truth. If
you know, then you are held responsible, whether you
like it or not.
This time away no matter how long or short your stay
may be should be spent taking advantage of all that's good.
There's positive that comes out of every struggle. So find
it, whether it be education, life experiences, solitude, etc.
Try to spend all your time, learning as much as you can.
This is time with little or no distractions.
History repeats itself because we continue to let the
next generation fall into the same traps and lies that we
fell for. Break the cycle. Children cannot be fooled, only
betrayed by adults.
Tlie ASllBS Of a MemOry the ashes of a memory
Living behind a mask of
misery
In reflections of lies I've
shed blood
Falls around me
Yet their concerns not on
my head
Day and night the
pain burns within
contemplating the lies
I've lived only to find this
is not who I am
Chorus
So hold me don't fear me
Love this child that scares
me
Don't hate me
Just listen to these tears
I shed
So change me
And help from becoming
Realizing these dreams
that haunt me
The nightmares of who I
am
Only wanting to be loved
yet recognized from within
Screaming out loud as the
pendulum swings again
Oh cant you find me as I
call no more being alone
So hold me now baby
don't let me fall
Chorus
So love me
Don't mistrust me
My heart's separating thin
Just help me don't judge
For my past burns within
So hold me now, and help
me from becoming
The Ashes of a memory.
'JffMES CBfmiZ'
Some of us know how hard it is being away from Family and loved
ones. And we're not talking about vacation, we're talking about
doing time for something that we probably regret doing. All the anger
and frustration builds inside and we look for ways to try to release it.
Some choose a negative way, by fighting, and taking it out on others
that have nothing to do with it. But some people can vent out their
frustrations through writing, as our friend James does for you today.
Sending us his song from Deuel vocational Institution in Tracy, CA,
James chooses to let his hand take control of his emotions.
Shadowed By The Pain
I look into your eyes you turn and walk away
Never another glance it seems there's nothing left to say
The past was a beautiful thing each memory by love
Now every moment is shadowed by the pain
Knife wounds that slowly heals each betrayal
A burning bridge and a void
Neither can fill with the loneliest word's goodbye
I turn to walk away
Finding a different road before me as we go our separate
way
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
£ Jl£?^ mg m *:, f ,{JJ 'fJJJJ /J.
'PffnFESSnff KLffEKMZnO'
First Entry
As I lay on this stiff bunk wishing I had a desk to write
this on I think about where I've been and where I'm going.
Looking around this cold prison cell, wondering how can
other convicts have lied on this bunk and put pen to paper to
get out their thoughts and express themselves artistically.
I'm trying so hard to block out of my mind how much I hate
this place and how I can't do much about it.
My heart and respect goes out to all these strong men
in here with long sentences to do. This place is hellish and
being here day to day can really deteriorate a man's soul.
The way CDC has this set up is to be a revolving door. You
can't win without losing. They place you in a prison with
hardened criminals for long periods of time expecting you
to get out and be a better person that you were before you
went in. That's crazy. This place only makes things worst
and they know it. It ruins lives and kills off hopes of what
could've been. Parole is a load of CDC crap. Your PO tries to
help you like a crocodile tries to kiss you.
I thought the county system was screwed up but now
I see where its whole infrastructure come from and who
makes it like it is. I don't want to get into prison regulation
politics or quote the Title 15, so I'm going to keep this
personal.
This is my first entry into my prison life journal and I
just wanted to say that I made it safely to Deuel Vocational
Institute Reception Prison on December 8, 2008. This is my
first bed and I'm beginning to get used to the program and
how things are regulated. I must admit that I was glad to
be in Sacramento Country Jail and on my way here to start
my half time. Tired of being locked down all the time. I was
Our next writer, is the very faithful Professor Blaclcmind, who in
recent weeks has truly shown the readers of The Beat Within lots
of love. His latest entry, titled, "First Entry" is actually an entry from
his personal journal, as he takes us on a journey through his mind,
sharing his opinions on the CDC system and he also gives us a glimpse
to his first day at Deuel Vocational Institute Reception Prison, back in
December 2008. He sent this piece from his current home, Folsom State
Prison in Represa, CA.
almost excited about having a change of scenery. We rode
over here in a small van. I was seated nest to a friend who
was going to start his life-sentence. I could hear sadness in
his voice as he told me about his case and how he intended
to program once he left the mainline.
I listened to others tell their stories and it was all
depressing. After waiting eight hours in a crowded holding
talk, I grabbed my state-issued bed-roll and made it down
the long hallways to my new living quarters, C-Wing. Seeing
some familiar faces, I sent out greetings and headed to my
cell when I first met my celly.
I knew he was an outsider before he even opened his
mouth. I noticed the NY tattoo on his neck and then his
accent when he said, "Yo, what's up? I'm Claude, but you
can call me C-Money." I must admit, there was something
about his swagger that I immediately disliked. He was cocky
and somewhat self-absorbed. But giving him the benefit of
the doubt, I reserved judgment and listened to him brag
about all the money, cars, and women he has.
It makes me wonder, are all urban New Yorkers like
this? Why tell a total stranger all of our business? I don't
get it. After listening to all of Mr. Money's wondrous tales, I
feigned a yawned and excused myself to read my Beat then
go to sleep. Day one in prison was over as quickly as it
started. I prepared myself for day two.
My Time Doesn't Have To Be Your Time
Maximum is Minimum
Or so lately it seems
They got me locked up in the SHU
Allowed not property
So with this little pen filler
That hardly holds any ink
It's my voice as I spit verse
On this sheet of loose leaf
I contemplate creatively
My time in this cell
My time in this hell
My time spending all by myself
My street wealth
Well, it don't mean a thing in this box
I used to rock the freshest fits
Now I walk with holes in my socks
Girls on my arm were top notch
As I flossed a platinum watch
These days my wrists are hand cuffed
And cop escorts me
But that be the knocks
Yo' these are the shots
That hit your chest with a bang
Soon it takes just one stray
For the judge to give you all day
I pray ya'll learn from my mistakes
And put the street dreams away.
'THE JPSBL,. ML/DD'
Our next writer is quite a character, as he's been writing for our
publication for a while now, but since we are so backed up we hardly
get to print any of his writing. So this one is for Mudd as he comes
through with some real thoughtful writing. He speaks from his heart
as he tells you what kind of mentality he was in and how he regrets
the mistakes he made. He doesn't want a lot of you young readers to
make the same mistakes he made so he intends to give out a little
advice. Writing from The SHU in Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, CA.
"My Time Doesn't Have To Be Your Time" piece is simply letting all you
readers know that you don't have to learn the hard way. Learn from his
mistakes that way you won't find yourself saying the same things he's
saying ten years from now.
To The Youth
Check this out youngsters, here's some knowledge
learned the worst way. A man won't put his hands on me
without feeling the repercussions. I'm no punk, mark,
or victim. Still that doesn't mean I have to put hands on
some loud talker for running' his mouth.
Once you act on someone else's' words, you're letting
him control you. Take control of yourself and try to stay
out of the situations that will end up putting you in a
position where it's time to square off. Even if the fights
where I never got his, my knuckles still hurt and the loss
of privileges (yard, canteen, phone visits) hurt more.
I fought to get a name and ended up with a prison
number for ten years. One good hit equaled one more
strike. I know that when you're in the cage there's going
to be a time you have to fight. Do what you have to for
survival, not glory.
///////#////#/// ////#///.////////
£ J/?fWj £7MMMmW / / ' #//////
'Tnffnxnnn'
Paranoia Part 2
Chapter 5: The Fear
Brian Caine decided to catch a bus home. He looked around
and saw many people. He saw a high school girl listening
to her IPod, a man in a business suit repeatedly checking
his watch. You know the usuals you probably see on any
bus. A man watching the rain outside, a woman with a black
umbrella, and...
Oh no, no it can't be, he thought.
It was. James Ellwood was sitting next to the woman
with the black umbrella.
But that can't be him, it just can't.
Unfortunately it was, and now he was wearing the same
heavy black raincoat.
Brian stood frozen in terror and then though: he must
have been watching me, laying low until he decided to reveal
himself. Hiding in the shadows watching me, studying me
like an experimental monkey in a laboratory, covering his
tracks so I wouldn't draw suspicions.
Well played James. Brian then pushed the button next to
him signaling his stop, knowing very well that his real stop
was three stops from this one. The bus came to a halt and
the doors opened up. Brian then proceeded down the three
steps in the front of the bus. The rain started pouting now,
and Brian looked to see the smiling bus driver. The driver
was James Ellwood. The bus drove off and Brian saw that in
fact every single passenger of the bus he had gotten off of
was James Ellwood. They all smiled their creepy smiles and
they waved at him, their black raincoats making them look
like vampires.
Overcome with fear and terror Brian Caine ran down the
street and bumped into a man.
"Sorry," he said, looking back to see that the man was
James Ellwood.
He then walked backwards, still staring at the man, and
then he stumbled backwards. Many people around that saw
it now circled him and they were all laughing and they were
all
James Ellwood, he thought.
Countless swirling faces of James Ellwood were
everywhere, laughing at him. Brian Caine felt he didn't have
the strength to get up and when he did he struggled not to
stumble again.
"Get out of my way! Move back! All of you right now!" He
screamed at the top of his lungs, and when a path was clear
he ran. He ran as if he was running from Satan himself. To
him, it felt like he was.
Chapter 6: The Conversation
He walked into his house and then slammed his door shut
then locked every single lock. He didn't turn on any lights.
He just followed the neon glow of the bar sign next door.
He's everywhere, Brian thought, he's watching me.
The phone in his house began to ring.
You already know who that is Brian, don't answer it.
It rang again and he did answer it.
"Hello, who is this?"
"Hi, Henry Worthington? You probably don't remember
me. My name is Stella Landry."
"Of course I remember you Ms. Landry," he said,
beginning to relax.
"Well, I did what you said, and he's in prison now and I'm
living in Emeryville."
"Good for you, Ms. Landry."
"So, how are you doing, and more importantly, what are
you doing?" she asked a little playfully.
Our next writer, Torriano, a Berkeley High School student, who
happens to be a new Beat intern, has given us a special treat, given
his love for writing and author, Stephen King, as he wrote us a short
story for us to enjoy. If y'all don't remember last week we published
Paranoia Part 1 of this two-part sequel. " " ' "
borrow last weeks issue 14.05 from your Bunkie, cellmate, or yo' homey
and read Part 1 first. Its a very entertaining story that will have you on
the second part of his thrilling story - "Paranoia" Part 2.
"Well, I'm... hey, wait, why are you asking?"
"I'm in San Francisco. I wanted to know if I could see
you. I know it's late but -"
"You're in San Francisco? Why?"
"I told you, I wanted to see you."
"I know, but why?"
"Well -"
"Don't answer that question. I know exactly what you're
doing." he said, cutting her off sharply.
"You do?" she asked, sounding astounded.
"Of course, I'm not blind, you're working with him!"
"What?"
"Don't play coy with me you stupid broad, I know that
you're working for James Ellwood."
"Who?"
"James Ellwood. Look, I know that he is using you to get
to me."
"I don't know what you're talking about Henry."
"That's not my name! My name is Brian Caine and James
Ellwood is using you to get to me!"
"Why are you telling?"
"Nice try James but I won't fall for it! Brian Caine will not
die today!"
"Henry, Brian, whoever you are, stop! You're starting to
scare me..."
"I should be scaring you, because I'm not afraid of you,
James Ellwood. You'll have to try harder than that to get to
me. I'm a therapist, remember?"
Brian Caine slammed down the phone on the receiver,
then threw it out his window.
That'll show him.
In her car Stella Landry listened to the drone of the dial
tone and then began to cry. She wiped her tears and though
to herself I don't know what's wrong with him, but I'm going
to find out.
Brian walked through his house and got the other house
phone, then threw it out of the open bedroom window.
The sound of plastic meeting pavement made Brian smile.
Suddenly, he felt something in his pocket.
My cell phone, of course.
Brian looked at his cell phone to see who was calling him.
There, in bold black backlit letters: James Ellwood. Brian
went to look out of the window, then threw the cell phone
out it. He watched as the expensive RAZR exploded into
hundreds of pieces of plastic that flew in every direction.
He is not going to get to me, I will not allow it.
Although what Brian Caine didn't know, or at least didn't
admit to himself, James Ellwood had gotten to him. He had
infiltrated Brian's thoughts as soon as he walked into his
office.
Chapter 7: The Dog, The Officer, and The Mailman
Brian woke up, not even remembering going to sleep last
night on his bedroom floor. The time was now 10:30 and
his doorbell rang. He got up still wearing the clothes from
yesterday. He opened his front door to see a young white girl
who may just be graduating high school. She was holding at
least six leashes with a dog attached to each. The dogs all
continued on next page
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
£ 7/?7Wl£7MffllWmffl / / ; # / / / / / /
* Tntpninnn canr. '
looked tame, well- trained, and healthy as well.
"What do you want?"
"Hi mister!" the girl said in a bouncy, cheery voice. "I'm
looking to give homes to homeless dogs, so..."
"Look, little girl, I don't usually do these kinds of things,
but I'll take the German Shepard you got there."
He fished into his pocket, hoping his wallet was still
there and gave the girl a twenty.
"Here, take it."
"Thank you mister!"
"Now get off of my porch!"
He closed the door as the girl and her dogs walked off to
another house. The German Shepard stared at him and he
stared back.
"Sit."
The dog obeyed.
"Roll over."
He obeyed again.
"Play dead."
The dog rolled on its back and whined.
"Not bad, little Cujo."
He's very well trained, a little too well trained, he thought.
Suddenly, something came back to Brian, something he said.
(I have the tools, the skills, the smarts, the technology, drive,
and perseverance.)
"The dog. "(I could be right next to you and you wouldn't even
know.)
The dog's wired. There's some sort of radio transmitter or
something in his nose.
"So, you think you're smart, James. You think you can
send your dog over here so you can listen to all the things I
say, huh? Well, you thought wrong! Come here, little Cujo."
The dog followed Brian, who led it towards his bathroom.
Brian told the dog to stay and then he ran some water in his
bathtub.
"That's right, little Cujo, we're just gonna give you a nice
little bath, now aren't we? Yes, that's because you're such a
dirty little dog, isn't that right?"
Brian stopped running the water, then seized the dog by
its collar and forced it into the water. It was a difficult task
indeed, the dog put up a good struggle, but in the end, it
succumbed to his will. Within twenty minutes the dog was
dead.
"All clean," Brian said with a mischievous smile. That
devilish grin didn't leave his face for quite some time.
Stella was talking to Officer Hutchinson from the San
Francisco Police Department.
"So, let me get this straight, Ms. Landry, you talked to
Brian Caine, and he said that you were working with James
Ellwood to try and kill him?"
"Yes."
"And you're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"I don't believe you."
"What! Why not?"
"Because your story makes no sense."
"What about it doesn't make sense?"
"It's just not possible."
"Look, I told you what I know, officer, and I want some
answers."
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but there is no way that your story can
be true."
"Tell me, why not?"
"Because James Ellwood had been on death row for at
least two years now."
"Wait, what?"
"Yes, the man you are referring to had no chances of ever
seeing the real world again, he was too crazy."
"Wait a minute, Officer Hutchinson. You said he was
on death row. What happened to him?"
"He was sentenced to death by lethal injection,
sweetheart. James Ellwood is dead."
"I-I-I don't believe it, but then what was Brian talking
about?"
"Come down to pier 39. 1 have something to show you."
"Ok, officer."
"I'll be waiting."
Brian Caine sat by his tub, the dead dog in his lab,
drinking a beer. A knock on his door made him jump. He
shoved the dog off his lap and raced towards the front door.
He swung the door open to see his mailman Lenny holding
his mail in his hands.
"Hi Mr. Caine, got your mail for today."
"Come inside Lenny."
Lenny stepped inside and looked around.
"Nice place Caine."
"Thanks Lenny. Sit down on that couch over there."
Lenny sat down while Brian tossed him a beer.
"So, Lenny, how's it going man?"
"I'm doing okay, Brian."
"Ok, alright, you like your beer?"
"It's good, man."
"Yeah, savor it. You never know when it might just be
your last."
"True man, you know, it's like they say: life is too short,"
Lenny said while laughing.
"Not mine."
"Huh?"
"Quit playing around Lenny. I know what evil you brought
into my house."
"Huh?"
"I know that there are bombs in those letters you brought
me."
"What!"
"You can't fool me!"
Brian sprang from the couch facing Lenny and began
to smother him with a cushion from the couch. Lenny was
strong and struck Brian very hard many times, but Brian
didn't give in, but Lenny was eventually forced to. Brian
removed the cushion and moved Lenny's lifeless body to his
hallway closet. Brian then decided that he needed another
beer, so he went to his kitchen refrigerator. He popped the
top and tasted it. It tasted like victory and pain.
Chapter 8: The Basic Facts
"Ms. Landry, I wanted you to meet me here because I want
to tell you some things you may not know about Mr. Brian
Caine."
"Officer Hutchinson, what kind of information are you
talking about?"
"I mean information regarding the man named James
Ellwood."
"Let me have it then."
"As you wish Ms. Landry."
Officer Hutchinson opened a folder and began to read
from one of the papers inside of it.
"Ms. Landry, I'm sure you remember the storm of October
the thirteenth, the day made famous for the murders."
"The Friday the Thirteenth Massacre, at least what the
headlines called it, right officer? How could anyone forget
such a terrible day? 37 dead or fatally wounded, 12 officers
and 44 civilians, horrible."
"The man responsible for that was James Ellwood, who
continued on next page
/ zg mnnnnmanMim
1 /77WH7MMMBMM / ; # / / / / / /
////#/ //. // //// //
' Tntpninnn canr. '
was actually a cop. You see, before he went on his little
rampage, he stopped by his house. There, he caught his
wife, Katharyn Ellwood, having relations with her therapist.
Guess who the therapist was, Ms. Landry?"
"Brian Caine?"
"Yup, he had been seeing her for almost a full year and
she was calling herself Katharyn Jacobs. You can imagine
you would've done the same thing if you were in his position
though. Anyway, Ms. Landry, I'm going to tell you everything
I know about these three people to the greatest extent of my
knowledge."
Chapter 9: The Past
Brian Caine waited outside of the home waiting for his love
to answer the door. She opened the door wearing a pink
bathrobe with a pair of matching fuzzy slippers. She was
smiling, flashing her perfect white teeth, and the scent of
the angels themselves had been captured perfectly by her
perfume.
"Come on in Brian," she said, leading him into the house
and removing his jacket.
"Are you sure you don't mind me being in your house
Katharyn?" he asked worriedly.
"Of course not. I'm just getting ready for bed. Go wait
there for me while I dress."
Brian obediently went to the room and sat on the edge
of her bed, waiting for her. Brian Caine was in love with this
dark brunette haired goddess. He wanted to marry her, to
be with her for the rest of his life, the rest of their lives. She
came out of the bathroom wearing a red satin nightgown that
was thin enough to see right through. She got on the bed and
then took off his shirt, beginning to massage his back.
"What's the matter Brian, you're so tense."
"Katharyn, honestly, I'm just nervous. I mean, here we
are, you know, and I just don't know what to think."
He turned to face her and her light caramel colored eyes
gazed into his icy blue orbs, penetrating to his heart.
"Don't think then, act."
"I love you Katharyn."
She continued to stare at him, stunned by what he just
said. Tears were welling up in her eyes. A flash of lighting
went off and Katharyn screamed and jumped into Brian's
lap.
"What's wrong Katharyn?"
"Nothing. I'm just a little scared of the storm. It's pretty
intense."
"Don't worry, it's okay."
Brian couldn't help but smile and laugh, he thought the
whole thing was too cute.
"Hold me Brian."
"I'll never leave you, Katharyn," he said as he did just
so.
Then the two of them kissed, and once he tasted her
lips he was sure it was a sensation he would never forget.
Strawberries. Red-hot passion had now swollen inside both
of them. They were interrupted by the opening of the bedroom
door. In the doorway was a tall man wearing a black raincoat
with the hood up, covering his face. There was a gun in the
man's hand.
"James?" Katharyn said, amazed.
"Katharyn?" The man replied back through tears.
"Who?" asked Brian, confused.
The man looked at Brian, or at least Brian thought he
did, and said, "I'm her husband, mister."
The man lifted the gun and shot Katharyn square in the
middle of her forehead. She died without making any noise.
He aimed at Brian who ducked while the bullet pierced
through the bedroom window. Brian leaped out of the
broken window and narrowly escaped the third shot.
He ran all the way back to his house, the storm raging
on, tears flowing as he ran.
Katharyn's dead body was still in bed, legs sprawled out in
front of her, her dark brown hair flowing everywhere. She
looked like an angel and smelled like one too. A tear rolled
down James Ellwood's cheek as he draped a cover over his
dead wife.
"Goodnight forever, my sleeping beauty."
He bent down and kissed her cold lifeless lips in sadness.
He painfully turned and walked out of his front door, still
holding the loaded gun.
Chapter 10: The Present
"Brian Caine went into a deep depression after that. Saw him
again at the funeral. A lot of people wondered if he was ever
gonna go back to work. You imagine having a job like his can
only make things worse, you know."
"Yeah."
"Look, Ms. Landry, James Ellwood is dead, he requested
death himself, so there is no way your story can be true."
"Officer, do you think that Brian Caine could have been
as greatly affected as James Ellwood by Katharyn's death?"
"It may just be possible, miss."
"Love makes people crazy, officer. To quote the great
Elvis Presley, 'I get so lonely I could die."
"Heartbreak Hotel," he replied.
She nodded her head in agreement, wondering if Brian
was crazy.
Chapter 11: The Restaurant and the Ice
Brian Caine was now drunk. He was also hungry. He decided
that he may as well go get something to eat, because it was
hard to order pizza without a phone. He changed clothes and
walked out to his car to drive down to a new restaurant that
just opened up.
He looked corpse-like for the most part. There were
heavy bags under his eyes and the shadows under his eyelids
looked like marks from charcoal or army war paint. He
ordered his food looking carefully so he didn't get anything
with almonds in it, for he was terribly allergic to them. He
thought his salad was good and then he had the feeling he
had to use the bathroom. On his way to the bathroom he saw
James Ellwood sitting in a booth drinking a martini. Then,
he looked to the kitchen to see James Ellwood holding fresh
almonds in his hand. Brian had it and sat in the largest
stall, the stench of used toilet paper and cheap generic air
freshener permeating his every breath.
(He's here.)
Brian leaned forward and he saw it. There were no feet on the
floor but there was a shadow cast along the tile. He heard the
click of the hammer being cocked back on the gun.
Brian pulled up his pants and bolted out of the stall, then
dashed out of the bathroom door. He tried to stay calm as he
walked back to his table.
"Brian Caine?" said a voice from behind him. The voice
was familiar but he couldn't quite remember where he had
heard it. It wasn't a threatening voice. Instead, it was friendly.
Brian turned his head and immediately recognized the man.
"John Walters, is that you?"
"In the flesh."
John Walters was Brian's toughest client. He was
depressed, suicidal, a drug addict, and a wife beater. He was
also Brian's greatest accomplishment as a therapist. When
he first started his career all his clients knew him by name.
It wasn't until after the supposedly single Katharyn Jacobs
continued on next page
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
£ f^fp7Mmm^fi/ / /*#//////
* Tntpninnn canr. '
entered and exited his life that he started to use names other
than his. That is why John actually knew his name, unlike
clients such as Stella Landry. He was one of the firsts.
"How are you John?"
"Doing good Brian. Me and Martha are fine. I'm still off
the drugs, pills, and anti-depressants. I'm working on cutting
down the alcohol too." Brian looked down for a moment and
saw the shape that bulged from John's pocket. It was a gun.
(He's working with James.)
"So, he's got you too?"
"What's that Brian?"
"I see that gun in your pocket, John. You're working with
James Ellwood, aren't you? He's trying to get you to take me
out, isn't he?"
"What are you talking about Brian?"
"I won't go down that easy, no sir."
Brian got to his table and looked down at his salad.
Someone had put almonds in it. Someone here knew he was
allergic to almonds.
"Who did this to my salad!"
Everyone's head turned to face Brian now.
"So, James, I see you did your homework. Nice try but no
cigar for you this time, dear friend."
Brian Caine then stormed out of the restaurant all the
way back to the car.
It was in his car he had the craziest thought so far. Could
it be possible that James Ellwood was watching him, tracking
him somehow?
(I have the tools, the skills, the smarts, the
technology, the drive and perseverance.)
(He could be tracking me through my body heat somehow.)
(I need ice, now.)
He pulled over to the nearest grocery store and grabbed the
gun he always kept in his glove compartment. He walked
through the doors and held up his gun to let off a shot in
the air.
"Stay calm, I just want your ice, keep your money. The
ice is all I've come for."
Nobody even tried to do anything to stop him, people
just watched him carry out his bags of ice. He drove off back
home, his entire backseat filled with ice.
He burst through his front door and tossed the bags of
ice into his bathtub. Then he himself got into the tub when
he was done with that task. He shifted the ice around a little
and then placed bags on top of himself. The entire time there
was a devilish grin on his face. He slept very peacefully that
night.
Chapter 12: The Storm
Brian woke up with a headache. The ice around him had now
melted and soaked through his clothes. He was indeed very
cold.
(Look at me covered in melted ice. What has become of
me?)
He already new the answer to that question: James
Ellwood. It was raining outside. A storm was coming. History
was repeating itself in some ways. It would be settled tonight,
in this house, it had to be. He knew James would come
tonight to settle it all. Brian still had his gun in his pocket.
He would need it when the time came. He grabbed four beers
from his fridge and sat down on his couch. He cracked one
open then took a sip. There was nothing left to do but wait.
Time moved quickly and the creeping darkness seemed
to rapidly spread over the never-sleeping, never-tiring city of
San Francisco. The storm had now escalated. The wind was
screeching in agony as it pounded on his windows. The roar
of the thunder sounded like the war cry of some ancient and
terrible beast. The rain came down hard and the lighting
seemed like power surges from God himself. The scenery
was perfect and almost poetic. Brian Caine still say on his
couch, his gun now in his lap, waiting. Just waiting.
The front door opened and there stood James Ellwood,
standing in his black raincoat and smoking a cigarette.
"Brian Caine."
"James Ellwood."
"I think maybe it's time we finish this business. Write
the final chapter in this book and then close it forever."
"Sorry to disappoint you, James, but Brian Caine does
not die today," he said triumphantly.
"My dear Brian, all things must come to an end."
James advanced towards Brian while he rose from the
couch and lifted the gun in his hand. He cocked back the
hammer and then pulled the trigger. The blast of the gun
seemed to silence the storm.
"It's finally over," Brian said, relaxing a little, his eyes
closed.
When he opened his eyes he stared in horror, not
believing what he saw.
James Ellwood was still advancing towards him. There
was no blood, no wound, no bullet hole in his raincoat,
nothing. It was as if the bullet just passed through him.
Brian fired three more times, moving backwards with
every shot. He discovered that, to his horror, that the bullets
were passing through him.
(What is he?)
"I am no ghost, Brian. In fact, I am quite real."
James then knocked Brian onto the floor and took his gun
from him. He then picked Brian up and dragged him into his
home office, then forced him to sit in his chair. He forced the
gun into Brian's mouth, then took it back out.
"Say your last words and choose them wisely."
"Ok. I'm sorry things happened the way they happened.
She never said she had a husband during sessions. She used
the name Katharyn Jacobs. I never knew about you at all. I'd
fallen for her. The love I had for her was one I never thought
I could have for anyone. She invited me over to her house
that night. We had been on many other dates before, though.
I was completely unprepared for that night. I'm not sorry I
met her. I still love her with all my heart. I'm sorry for you,
James. I'm sorry for the monster that you have become, for
the monster that I made you. Did you know I was thrust into
depression after that night? It was because of you, James.
You took her from me but that was my fault. I'm so used to
helping people that when I destroyed you..."
He now looked into the eyes of the beast that he created
himself. The hateful eyes saw through him, penetrating his
soul.
"...I destroyed myself. I deserved to lose her, and now I
deserve to die."
Brian Caine leaned back in his chair and felt the gun
being forced into his mouth. He didn't bother closing his
eyes. He already knew what was coming next. The couple
of seconds, which would be known as his final moments
stretched out for what seemed to be hours. He saw the
woman who called herself Katharyn Jacobs, then he saw the
sweet smile of Stella Landry. He saw the menacing face of
James Ellwood and the dark shadow cast across his face
from the hood of the black raincoat. Then, finally, he saw
himself, in his own mirror. What he saw in the mirror was
himself and nobody else. There was no one in the room with
him. The hand on the trigger of the gun was his own.
The sound of the gun silenced the storm. For Brian Caine
it silenced everything else. His cold dead finger slipped loose
form the gun and fell into his lap. The gun, however, stayed
continued on next page
///////#/////,/// ////#///,////////
£ 7/?7Wl£7MffllWmffl / / ; # / / / / / /
* Tntpninnn canr. '
in his mouth. Even though he was now dead, Brian Caine
could feel a weight lift off his shoulders and he could truly
rest in peace. The storm outside now began to calm down
and the rain splashed against the windows while the wind
seemed to whisper secrets untold, secrets of the past that no
man should know. Some of those secrets are very similar to
the human mind.
Epilogue
Brian Caine laid silently in his chair behind the desk of
his home office. The blood, which once flooded out of the
corners of his mouth had now dried on both of his cheeks.
His icy blue eyes stared mindlessly off in the front of him
resting on nothing in particular. His hands - and the rest of
his body for that - were cold and dead, showing no signs of
movement whatsoever.
Brian Caine is dead, and so is James Ellwood.
James Ellwood had a lot to do with Caine's death, but it
wasn't he who killed him. The prints on the gun were Brian's.
He was the only man who touched it that night. James
Ellwood had been dead for at least two years. Also, everyone
knows that fun-loving ghosties and ghoulies don't exist,
right? Any scientific study of the man named Brian Caine
would point out it was all him, it was all in Brian's head.
A scientific study would say that the depression and
mental trauma of the night of October the 13th coupled with
the overall stress of being a therapist killed him. It would
say his mind got so screwed up it would make him see or
hear anything it wanted him to believe. It would say how
his days and nights were haunted with thoughts of James
Ellwood coming back for him. It would say that because he
was so paranoid and afraid his mind actually acted out that
scenario, leading to his eventual death.
All's well that ends well, right? Stella Landry now has
a house of her own in which her loving boyfriend lives with
her. As for Brian Caine, his grave rests next to Katharyn and
James Ellwood.
Now don't think that what happened to Brian can't
happen to anyone else. It can happen to you, your family,
friends; it can even happen to me. It could be happening
right now. Because, the truth is, we're all a little paranoid.
My Letter To The Beat
What's up Beat? This is Quintin from Fonky Town, Texas
and I'm currently on Texas Death Row. I'm a 29-year-old
brotha who's going on my 10th year of incarceration, and
my 8th year on the row. I was given one of your issues,
Volume 13.43, and after I read it, I asked if there was a
Texas version of this (just an idea!)
Anyways, I'd be honored if you could do two things
for me. Number one, could you put me on your mailing
list? You can use the info that's outside of this letter. And
number two, could you please publish this lil' piece for
those young cats (young ladies & young men) who still
have a chance at life and freedom still before it's totally
taken away from them for real, 'cause just maybe by
reading something from someone who's been there and
done a few things, then maybe they'd think twice the next
time around and take heed to things. When they touch
down from this warning sign they're being blessed with
at an early stage of the game.
Prison is no place for our youngstas to keep on going
to because there's enough of us here already just so they
can do better than we did. And even more important,
"Death Row" sure ain't no place for nobody 'cause it's for
real and trust that these folks are planning for keeps no
ifs ands, or buts about it. So if they could really see and
understand that "Hey we're still able to avoid this then
maybe they'd want to try to at least see what the other
side is about, 'cause they already know what one side will
get them, you feel me?
Well Beat keep up the good work 'cause our youngstas
need all the help our communities can provide from
whatever angle available nowadays. Later.
Respectfully,
Lastly, There's nothing I said in my piece that I haven't
already been charged with. So, it can't hurt me anymore
than it has already.
'nuxnrxn unnBS'
Our next writer just happened to stumble across our publication.
there. Quintin is one
and done it. r~"
is saying. He had opportunities and chances but he didn't take them
seriously and ended up catching some serious charges. Serious enough
to be put on Death Row, Quintin has grown from this experience and
we can clearly see it through his writing. Sending us these golden words
of wisdom from Polunslcy Unit on Death Row, in Livingston, Texas,
Quintin gives us everything that he as to offer - wisdom at its finest!
Open Your Eyes n Take Heed
If a lot of us would take a second to open our eyes and take
heed to certain thing. Then maybe a lot of us wouldn't be in
our current situations. I used to think I was lucky, Beat, that
I never really caught any major cases and got sent to TYC
(Texas Youth Commission) or the Pen like a lot of my homies
did or even worse, get crippled or murdered. Yet I did Juvie
and probation stints (twice) or when we'd get jammed by the
laws I'd be set free (in a sense) because I wasn't a noise talker.
Because I was dirty in one way or another.
But now, as I sit here on Texas Death Row I realize that it
wasn't really luck at all (take my word for it). It was God (or
whomever one may believe in) steady giving me chances to
get away from the lifestyle I was leading. Yet like those before
me, I didn't pay it no mind, and went right back at it and
charged it to the game, as I kept getting lucky over and over
again.
Since I didn't take heed sooner, in one-year time span (19
to 20 years old). I caught four major cases, two dope cases and
two capital murder cases in a three-month period. Now, I'm
not complaining because we all have choices and I chose my
lifestyle, so I accept to a point where I'm at because I chose
drugs and gangs. But if I can help stop another youngsta from
ending up on somebody's Death Row then I did something in
life worthy.
So if you'd just take a second to open your eyes and take
heed to those so called "lucky warning signs" then just maybe
you can save yourself a life of "heartaches if I would've" before
it's really too late for real. With that said, stay up, don't give
up. Yet most importantly want something better out of life for
yourself. But this time try it the right way. You feel me?
Lastly, just something simple to really think about while
you've still got some sort of chance left in and outta life.
Y
our life is worth more than what
you think it's worth. Everybody
has a positive purpose in life. It
might take long to find out what
it is, but it may make you rich
one day. Once you learn, you live,
because darkness soon comes to
light. So what's yo' life worth?
read the rest of HK's BWO piece on paeg 52