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The Key To Effective Communicating

Tag Archives: language

Have you ever been in an argument with someone and it seemed that they just didn’t get it? No matter how many ways you’d try to explain your side it seemed that you were speaking two different languages. Well guess what, you were.

This post is going to show you how to ‘win’ most arguments. The key is to first be a good listener. We all have modalities of communication that are unique to ourselves. They are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Although we all use some form of each, there is one that you’re prone to use more commonly.

For example: My modality is auditory, that means that I add weight to every word that a person says. I pay attention not to just what they say but how they say it. I mostly don’t look into the eyes of the person I’m speaking with because for me the visual is a distraction. I want to hear any changes in your tone and your choice of nouns verbs etc. It’s been said that if a person doesn’t look you in the eyes when they’re communicating…they’re lying. No, whoever said that was lying. Try this one day: Go to or find on TV, a live performance by your favorite artist. Listen to them with your eyes open, then with them closed. You will notice a distinct difference in the two. A person that uses the auditory modality will use phrases like, ” Do you hear me?” “Listen to me!” “Talk to you later.” They tend to have what’s called the phone head…that’s when they lean their head to the side as if to say I’m really listening.

The person that uses the visual modality will speak in visual terms. “Do you see what I’m saying?” “See you later.” or “Look, I’m trying to show you something. You will also find that they’re normally looking skyward as if they’re seeing a movie in their mind….they are. They will describe their point by ‘painting a picture’ for you to see what they’re saying.

The last of these modalities is the kinesthetic. This modality likes to touch. They don’t feel like you’ve gotten their point unless they’ve touched you in some way. They will use phrases like: “Do you feel me?” Let’s touch basis later.” or “You’re not in touch with reality.” Elaine from Seinfeld is a very good example of this modality.

When you have two people speaking in different modalities, it can be hard for them to truly understand each other because they’re speaking different languages. The argument can only escalate from there and typically ends up with one calling the other names or worse; all due to not understanding the art of language.

So, next time you’re talking or listening to some else speak, pay attention the key words they use and use them back with them. They’ll think you’re the best listener and sooo easy to talk to. Why? Because you’re …speaking their language.

Are always cutting the other person off in an argument because they’re taking too long to get it out

Have been accused of being too emotional and cry even during commercials

Have been accused of always talking too loudly

Have been labeled as Bossy

Take forEver to get dressed because you have to be casket sharp before you step out

Are just very passionate but everyone thinks that you’re always mad

You might be a PHYSICAL

If you..

Are the one that’s always ‘acting funny’ and not expressing your feelings

Are the one that brings up things that happened ten years ago to prove your point in an argument today

Are normally the cool or ‘quiet one’ but later explodes for no reason

Are the first to say ‘ok, fine’ but don’t really mean ‘ok, fine’

Think that putting work before everything else is the best way to show your family that you care

Are quiet during an argument because you’re thinking of how you’re going to get the other person back

Could careless about how you dress because you feel the real you looks good on the inside

You might be an EMOTIONAL

If you find that you fit into both categories equally, you just might be crazy and you need to seek help immediately…lol (No..seriously) Though each person’s level of these identifying characteristics varies, everyone falls into one of these two behaviors and should also fit a little into the other. Don’t add too much weight to the labels physical and emotional; it’s more important to realize the effects of being either one. Once you can identify the behavior types, you may then begin to assess how to best communicate with the other. The physical and emotional speak different languages and unfortunately this is what attracts the two and causes the most issues. Although it would seem that you’d want to be in a relationship with someone just like yourself, think about it. Would you really? No, you wouldn’t and I wouldn’t either. Anyway, the point of all of this is to shed a little light on alllll of the relationship issues you have ever had and ever will; personal or business.

Ultimately these behaviors should be looked at in a positive manner as they are merely our unique ways of communicating our thoughts and feelings. We should do all that we can to learn to speak the language of the person that we’re communicating with. That alone is the key to effective communication…i.e. less drama!