Thursday, September 13, 2012

I go up.
I lose.
I fall down.
I lose.
I walk away, and still lose.
I do what I am asked and remain in the Dog House.
I love, I break promises, I apologize, I give in.
I lose.
I speak, communicate, open up, shut down, close up, and still, I lose.
I get insulted, yelled at, demeaned, hurt, broken down, and treated like some kind of floor mat.
I can't win for doing what is asked, what is wanted, what is needed or un-needed.
So I push.
I lie.
I pretend it doesn't hurt.
I'll take the pain if it heals someone else.
I'll take it all.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Life is interesting. We have ups. We have downs. We float high up in the clouds, and we sink far to the depths of hell. And through it all, somehow we manage to endure. To tread on. To keep our heads up and continue forward on the paths we choose.
2011 brought about many changes. In January I got to bring home our preemie, Draikaiden, after his 3 months stay in the Sunrise NICU. For those who don't remember he was born 15 weeks early at a mere 1 pound 6 ounces. He's pushing 22 pounds now and almost walking. He's amazing. Brother and Sister love him to pieces, and sissie just cannot keep her hands off him.
Easter time brought about a low time for me, as 3 of my discs in my cervical spine began to bulge out, creating excruciating pain and immobility.
I said good-bye to a large part of a family who only ever dragged me down, including my mother. Lost a few friends. Gained and amazing one who lives next door.
Spent the first ever Holiday with my Dad's family, getting to know the people my mother spent so much of my younger years keeping me from. I've developed relationships with many of them.
The monkeys have grown like wild flowers, they are full of wonder and life!
In December my cousin broke her back in a car wreck. I spent a week in Missouri with that part of the family. Also made it through Denver to make some amazing business partners.
Once I returned from MO, we learned my husband's grandmother passed away. So we drove out to Colorado to be with family, and finally meet family I've only heard of for the past 13 years. They loved the kids, we got great photos, and had great times!
The year wasn't all bad, but it wasn't very good. There was heartbreak, loss, fear, loathing, hate, love, gain, tears, stress, laughter, joy, and sadness. It was a year of success, since we all made it out OK. But I am happy to be rid of it.
I started college last summer, hoping to complete my Bachelor's in Digital Design and Animation this fall. So between school, 3 monkeys, and a very exciting new business venture, Life will most definitely keep me on my toes for yet another year!
I hope everyone has a blessed year full of positive beginnings and love!
~jes