Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Slow Motion

I have been working all day. It has not been a lazy day. I did sleep late but once I got up I started cleaning and doing my "Mom" chores. Usually when I spend this much time cleaning and working, especially considering I do not have a baby to tend or toddler making messes as I clean, I can get LOTS done.

Today I did the following: about 5 loads of laundry washed and dried, 7 folded (I am making the other people in the house put the laundry away), clean and organize the nursery and all baby Noble clothes (I have already done this chore twice, but there were a few more things to put in order), cleaned our small laundry room.

Okay that may seem like alot as I write it down but when you consider that the machine does most of the laundry and I had already organized the nursery so this was just finishing the task, it really didn't feel like much. I did not get the dishes done or the kitchen cleaned like I wanted. I didn't get much of anything done downstairs other than pay a bill or two and make food.

I feel like I am moving in slow motion. Let me revise that -- I am moving in slow motion. I waddle around the house picking up here and there. Things on the ground seem impossible to reach. Small tasks, like going up the stairs, or running to grab the ringing phone are daunting. The scary part is that I have 5 weeks left and it is only going to get worse.

I remember feeling this way with Camille. It got to the point where I just could hardly do anything. I just hurt too bad. Then came the labor. The epidural only worked on half my belly. I had to wait 20 minutes fully dilated for the doctor to show up so I could push. It felt like the pain could never go away. When I finally delivered Camille the contraction pain was immediately gone. I was amazed. It was just so intense one moment and completely gone the next. The next night as we left the hospital with our precious little girl, I told Jon I felt like going dancing. I hadn't felt that good in months.

Maybe that is kinda how life is sometimes. We move in slow motion through the painful parts forgetting how it felt to be able to move free and unhindered. Some pains let up or heal in this life. Others never do. We all finish the "labor" of our life at some point. But in the end we are delivered. We are delivered to the arms of that Father which gave us life. And I have to imagine that all the pain of life is immediately swept away in that embrace.

The thing is, knowing that this pregnancy pain is temporary, I am basking in it. I know the more acutely I feel it, the more "delivered" I will feel when I have Noble in my arms. I don't enjoy the pain, but I do not resent it either. It is simply a part of this beautiful birthing process.

And the emotional pains of our trials are likewise a part of this beautiful living process where we gain experiences that tie us to our Savior and help us find our way to Home and Deliverance.

9 comments:

I went through the same thing with my last child. The epidural only worked on half of my body and I had to wait 20 minutes for my doctor to come too, but it felt like an hour. I can't believe you only have 5 weeks left. Thanks for uplifting us all!!!

great post:) I am sure these weeks will pass quickly even though it feels slow now. Such a great analogy though.There is a great article in the friend this month about a little girl giving a talk in primary...check it out:)

The last few weeks of pregnancy are always the hardest, the waiting the engorgement, the feeling like you're going to burst. The pains, the clumsiness, the overall uncomfortablenss of it all. You're amazing and you're doing so very well.

As a Doula, one of the things I say to clients is that the "waves"(contraction) will only come one at a time, and that's all you have to get thru--one at a time, and I am there thru each wave to help them stay focused. So it is with life, waves of joy and sorrow come to us, but we must let the sorrowful go thru us knowing we too are not alone in our trials...just as you have witnessed all these many months.

I'm a faithful blog reader of yours. I am just so happy that Heavenly Father is blessing you with a baby boy. It will be a whole new experience for you that you are unable to compare with anything else. I just cannot wait for you to experience the joy of motherhood with a boy!

I love the way you think, you totally put my thoughts into words. I have eight weeks left with my fifth child also and there is days I don't think I will make it to the end but I am truely enjoying every moment especially knowing she will be my last. I would love to send you some blankets for Noble, is there an address I can send them to, my email is 2drdmom@cox.net

beautiful analogy, you have a wonderful way with words. I've got 4 weeks to go in this third pregnancy & I'm comforted to read your post. I'm scheduled for another c/s & know full well the recovery, but after rough pregnancies, I too, feel like I could dance the minute I am no longer pregnant! I suggested to my doc that I wanted to leave the hospital a day early so I could see my DD's Mother's day show at school & he was surprised, but he's never been pregnant! Good luck to you, boys/sons are truly God's gift!!!

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Camille's Story

Our lovely daughter Camille, drowned in our backyard spa on June 13, 2008 and died two days later in the hospital. This blog has served as a tool for me to work through my emotions in this grieving process. If you want to skip back to the first post after Camille's drowning you can click on her picture below.