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Here’s the new episode of Quick Reviews, a quick essay on why I decided not to see Justice League in the theater. Warner Bros doesn’t want you to see it – they blocked it from YouTube – it’s the only episode that’s ever been blocked! First, they dropped a copyright claim, which, while ridiculous (reviews and essays are clearly covered by Fair Use and the video is less than six minutes long and doesn’t center around any one of their films, so it can’t be a footage issue) at least makes sense because YouTube policy allows them to collect ad revenue from said video (which is also dumb because I just don’t have much of an audience), but then they blocked the video entirely – probably because of my negative review of the DCEU.

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Justice League: War is based on the first few issues from Justice League’s New 52 reboot in the comics a few years back. I thought it sucked back then, and it sucks now.

And by sucks, I mean this movie is boring.

Seriously, it’s really boring. I’ve seen this movie within the last month and I couldn’t remember the plot. At all. I had to look it up and then it came back to me. That is not a good sign. Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradoxwasn’t great, but at least I remembered what it was about. This… I didn’t care. The movie totally failed at getting me to care about how the Justice League gets together, if anything bad happens to the people of earth, the heroes… I don’t care. The only really memorable moment in the movie is when Batman tells The Flash "You do clean, efficient work."

Justice League: War is a snoozefest – I give it a 2 out of 10. How do you screw up a movie where the Justice League fights Darkseid for the fate of earth. Like this.

I gotta tell yah, these DC Animated Universe Justice League movies have gone way downhill.

I love the idea of time traveling to the past creating a mishap in the future, but frankly, Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox just doesn’t work. Nobody gives a rats butt about The Flash’s mom. I did like what they did with Batman here, but ultimately, this movie is a few bagels short of a dozen… or something something metaphor.

The characters in this movie… Oy, The Reverse Flash… he looks like The Zoid’s evil brother or something. This guy gives Wario a lot of credibility… you know what I’m saying? I guess I’m saying that the movie’s antagonist sucks and I’m not even sure how he’s aware of the paradox or why The Flash himself can’t figure it out. It’s just… well, this movie is ass is what it is.

It’s not boring, but I can’t recommend Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox. I’m giving it a 4 out of 10. There’s no rewatchability here and it’s barely worth a look for even hardcore fans.

I feel I’ve seen more than enough episodes to weigh in on Disney XD’s Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes – frankly, I’m pretty happy with it. Sure, it’s melodramatic, doesn’t necessarily follow strict Marvel cannon and can be melodramatic at times, but it’s got all the elements of a good action-adventure show. Well… Captain America says ‘soldier’ waaaaaaaaaaay too much. Way too much. But otherwise, I’m pretty happy with the show – accept for this:

"Uhm..."

I already mentioned that the theme song is awful and they should have went with an instrumental like Justice League did (or Justice League Unlimited, for that matter), but wow… what does this imagine look like to you? Believe me, I understand that Marvel Comics in large part takes place in Manhattan. I get it! But does this awful image of lower Manhattan on fire really need to proceed the worst theme song imaginable? I don’t think so.