She waited for me

This Site is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you might remember that a year ago last February, I flew out of state to attend my grandmother’s 90th birthday celebration. It’s a BIG deal to turn 90, and though she tried to convince her family that she didn’t want the attention, she really enjoyed seeing people come out to show her how much she was loved (lots and lots of people came).

I drove my kids out to Utah last summer because they hadn’t been in several years, and I wanted them to have a feel for what my childhood summers consisted of. My grandma lives on 5 acres with a red barn, and since I can remember, has had horses roaming the field–most recently, my uncles’ horses.I remember finding gum in the drawer of the RV in the barn, being taunted by my cousins to touch the electric animal fence, wading through the flooded backyard due to irrigating, ping pong in the basement, picking fresh raspberries, and swinging from the tire swing in her yard.

Since my kids are such city kids, it was fun to share with them a little bit of country that I call my roots. My uncle is a cowboy–ropes in rodeo’s and such. They got to hug my grandma–their great grandma–and wander her home and slide down her laundry shoot to the basement.

Just two months ago around Thanksgiving, my dad told me that my grandma fell and broke her pelvis. I suddenly felt an instant urging to go visit her. When my medically trained husband informed me that when elderly break their hips, heart failure generally occurs, and they often go downhill from there.

I felt several urgings to book a ticket from Texas to Utah to visit my grandma. She went into the hospital a few different times, and with the holidays, a date just never seemed to work to fly out. I had faith she’d still be fine to visit after the holidays. I talked to her on the phone about once a week, and she’d say, “Krissy, how are those cute kids of yours?” She’d get short of breath after a minute or two and we’d say goodbye. When I realized my parents were going out for a visit, I thought I’d tag along for just 2 days, so that I didn’t have to rely on others to get me around town. A week and a half ago, I found an amazing deal ($250) to fly out for just 2 days. I booked it right way, then shortly thereafter realized I booked it for the weekend AFTER my parents were going to be there.

Ugh, what to do? I could go later in February, her health had stabled out. She was doing well, and I felt anxiety about my uncle, cousin, whomever to pick me up at the airport and tote me around. Maybe I wanted the crutch of my parents being there, too. Who knows. My sweet husband urged me to just go, because I’d never find a perfect time to go.

I flew into Salt Lake City last Sunday, the 20th of January, and got to my grandma’s assisted living facility around 7pm. I’d heard from my dad, uncle, cousin, that she was so excited that I was coming to visit. I entered her cute little room (smaller than my dorm room) to see her watching TV in her recliner, and it made me happy. She carefully stood up, and we gave each other a big hug. Still short of breath, and with the oxygen tube in her nose that I’d become accustomed to the past few years, she said she wanted to show me the fireplace out in the common area, to keep me warm, she was worried about my Texas blood.

We walked out to the fireplace, and she wanted to sit on the stone hearth to get extra warm, and I cozied up next to her on the couch, holding her hand (though mine were cold) as we talked. Grams introduced me to the elderly friends she’d made in the past few weeks (until Thanksgiving, she was living unassisted at her home of 50 years), told me about the staff, and asked me about my kids. She said she wanted to see a picture of the front of my house because she’d never been to this one. I searched through my phone and couldn’t find one, but I showed her pictures on there of my kids at Christmas, Halloween, and other random pics. We even rang up my fam in Texas and had a little Facetime session with them. She mostly just watched at the craziness that is my home life unfolded, but the kids were excited to show off for her. “Krissy, they have a lot of energy, don’t they?” she mentioned.

While we sat out by the fireplace, a nurse came to check her oxygen levels on her finger with a little clippy device. She mentioned it was low, but no one seemed to be overly concerned. My uncle put her oxygen tank on continual flow (it normal puffs every 10 seconds), and they figured they should get her to bed. He and I were coming early the next morning to take her for a doctor’s visit. We hugged as we parted at about 8:30 with plans to see her bright and early.

I slept well in the warm bed at my Aunt and Uncle’s home amidst below freezing temperature’s outside. I set my alarm for 7:30am, and at 7:15, my uncle opens the door, and as I sat up all confused, he told me Grams had passed away. “Are you serious?” very disoriented from the abrupt awakening, “I wouldn’t joke about something like this” he said in his standard Uncle Mean country lilt. I said I’d be ready in 2 minutes.

Still dark outside, he and I drove the 5 miles from his home to her care facility. My aunt wasn’t ready yet, and he didn’t want to wait for her. He’s lived down the road from his mother his entire adult life, and in the past years, has cared for her daily. My uncle is a tough cowboy, but he and I–we get each other. I’ve always called him Uncle Mean because as kid, I thought he was MEAN! As an adult, I see how much his outer gruffness has softened, and no better example than on this morning as we drove to see for our own eyes that she really had passed away. Through tears, I told Uncle Mean how wonderful he had been to take care of her, and to be her steady rock through all of this. He pushed it away as something that was no big deal. We shed some tears, and we laughed a little telling stories as we slid on the icy roads to Grams most recent home.

As we walked up, we met up with my dad’s sister and her husband (grandma had 3 kids). At that moment, I felt happy that I could represent my dad a little. He spent the previous week at her side, her near constant companion, but went back home a few days before.We were the family that lived far away, my other cousins grew up knowing Grams well. I never knew her like they did.

We stepped into her room, and it all became a reality. She was peacefully resting. It was only then that the staff informed us that someone heard Grams stirring at 5:30am, getting ready for the day since she was up and couldn’t sleep. They asked if she needed help, and she assured them that she was fine. Then checked again at 6am, and she had passed. The timing was shocking to us all, but also a blessing. Her body was failing her, and decisions had to be made that no one wanted to make (in the weeks before). She worried about a slow and painful death, and she was blessed that it was quick. She spoke with or saw everyone she loved in the days/weeks before, and I do believe….that she waited for me.

I look at her sweet face in that first photograph and am reminded of my own grandmother, who passed away a decade ago. Grandmas are something special. I’m so glad you had that time with her … it’s so clear that she DID wait for you.

i’m so very sorry for your loss kristen. i’m glad you made the decision to go and you got to see her. i have a very similar story although it didn’t require flying to get there but i made a decision quickly to leave work and see my grandpa one night. he was very sick and he passed that night. i thank god all the time that i went when i did. big hugs.

What a beautiful post and way to honor and remember your Grandma. How great it was that you were able to spend that time with her and capture it! Sending you warm thoughts and prayers as you say goodbye for now.

Kristen, this is such a touching story. It’s wonderful that you were able to see your grandmother before she passed and have such fun memories to warm you heart. My sympathies to you and your family. Donna

This is a very touching post. I am so happy for you that she waited for you. This made me miss my own grandparents and sad to realize that my children didn’t really ever know them. I pray that you and your family feel comfort in your time of loss and hope for a joyous reunion someday.

What a beautiful blog post. I’m so sorry to hear of your grandmother’s passing. I love the title — b/c it truly is how I felt when my grandfather passed away — he waited for me to come before he passed. {{hugs}}

Such a beautiful story! I’m so glad you had a chance to see her again before she passed. My Grandma suffered a debilitating stroke. She was not happy to be trapped in a deteriorating body. She too was a very independent woman who stayed in her own home into her 90’s. The last thing I said to her was, “I’ll see you on the other side.” She smiled at me. I miss her but I know I will see her again and for that knowledge I am truly thankful! May you & your family hang on to that knowledge as you travel through your grief…

Kristen, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Through your words, I feel like I knew a little part of your Grams too, and I can feel a little of the pain of losing her. It is amazing, though, that you were able to be there and share her last night with her. Thanks for sharing her story. I love how you put your heart into each and every blog post, and that is what makes me love reading it. 🙂 Miss you, dear friend.

Oh Kristen! I started crying reading this. My Grandma waited for me too. The story is so very similar. I was on my way when my other 2 grandparents died so getting to see one before she died meant the world to me as I know it did you.

I am so sorry for your loss but hope you find comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain and in a better place. Hugs!

Praying for you and your entire family. What a touching story and what a blessed life she had to have family so near and to care for her. We care for my 92 year old grandmother so this really makes me tear. Thanks for sharing this….

Wow Kristen! That was such a touching story!! I knew what was going to be at the end of it because I even opened my email. I am so sorry for your loss! I cannot even imagine what that’s like! But I am glad she waited for you and you were able to see her one last time and say your goodbyes.

So sorry for your loss. I am happy you were able to get up here and see her one last time. My Grandma is at that same facility, I recognize the fire place. I wonder if they were friends. I will go visit my grandma and find out.

[…] my mind, what I would do or how I would react if I’d experience something as gut wrenching. I lost my grandmother last year, but she was 90 and lived a good long life, we knew it was coming. I know that life is […]

Welcome

Hello! I’m Kristen, and I believe in creating intentional family fun, to build lasting memories for my children. I'm delighted to have you come along for the ride. Email me with any questions, I always reply if I see it! {Read More …}