Power of Silence

I cleaned the dreaded room. I’ve asked her to do it from times too far to stretch my memory. The doors of her built-in were bursting, waiting to fall down. I pulled out all the stuff that were sitting on the floor of the robe and asked, very politely mind you, if she would mind sorting through the mound and discard anything that she does not have any use for anymore. She said “ok”

Next,the whole pile was back inside the cupboard. That was one weekend not so long ago.

I thought enough was enough when a friend’s four year old daughter expressed shock at the state of the room. With the child’s expression came the reinforcing factor I needed to do something about the room but had gotten accustomed to. What the culprit had to say when told the reaction of a four year old, was “how dare that little brat come into my room”

Yesterday I thought ‘I’ve had it’. I pulled the whole pile out again and sorted through it myself and discarded all she has grown out of or the things I thought she will have no use for and neatly arranged the rest.

I thought it was worth the long face I’d have to deal with and the music I’d have to face when the time came and she descended home

And you might say “serves you right, it’s her room and it’s her right”

And I’ll say “tough” It should resemble human habitat not a pig sty.

But guess what? To my absolute amazement I didn’t hear a peep out of her last evening except to find her bedroom door closed when she left this morning. As that was unusual when she is not inside, I opened to investigate the mystery behind. There was a chair barricading the wardrobe doors with a whole pile of stuff on it.

Her silent and powerful message was like the clank of gates being locked. Though silent, it was loud and clear. I was waiting for the “how dare you go through my stuff?” “Where is the privacy in this house?” ladi ladi la, to clean the rest of her robe next free time I had.

Now in all honesty I can’t even fathom opening the doors to tidy except to put her clean clothes in.

I am still reeling from the impact of her tacit message.

I think my daughter is smarter and mature than I give her credit for!

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23 comments so far

What might look like a pig sty to you might be perfectly neat for someone else , I also have this problem with my mom , she always say its messy and I never seem to understand why ? 😦 ,As long as I can find the things I want quickly It doesn’t matter how the things are arranged.

I saw this show of Dr. Drew a few nights ago. It said that we parents need not worry too much about kids privacy, since well, it is our home.That really made sense, in that, we do over do it ourselves don’t we.Sometimes, they want us to just be their mom ,not their friend, and just get on with the job.Friends…there are plenty…a mom….just one!

Ever heard of a wonderful concept called organised chaos? Its actually known to be a standard state of mind for young people. It reflects on the multitude of things that are randomly running through their heads @ any given time. What seems a jumbled mess to the untrained eye is in fact an intricate network of interconnected ideas and thoughts that express the inner workings of the young mind which is carefully crafted by the sub-conscious.

My Mom used to do that to my room despite my insistence that I knew where everything was. The day she stopped was when she tidied up without my asking and lost some important papers.

I always ask, if noones hurt and everything gets done, who cares how its done???

Wow. I’m torn in two on this, on one hand it IS her room so she has the right to get all territorial about it, on the other hand you’re right about the pig-sty conditions. Was it just mess or was it ‘unhygenically’ messy? As in just clutter and a bit of dust or month-old leftover pizza that’s gone green? If the mess was just bothering you aesthetically then I guess the solution would be to turn a blind eye to it and bear with it as best you can (although I do feel sympathy for you, I can’t stand mess!).

hmmm… that sounds like something normal…
There were times when my mum would arrange my stuff if there’s no sign of me doing it..and then when I get home, it would annoy me to the core coz I hate it when someone arranges my things in a different way!!!

I tend to be messy too.. but try to find time to clean up sometimes..
after my room got painted, I discarded a lot of stuff.. which gives me more room…and well.. I hope it doesn’t get messy again…:)

Nishadha,
Judging by the answers I think I am out numbered and I know when I need to zip it. So I won’t say anything 😛

Indyana,
I don’t know if I agree with that just because it was said by a psychologist (?). That is her/his opinion not necessarily the right one. I believe in privacy be it called “me time” some time to be with our thoughts” space” whatever. I believe we all need that. I never considered me as their friend I never believed in that concept. I believe in being open for them to talk about any issues but fundamentally I am their mother even if she borrows my jewellery etc (more like pinching them. I never see them again)

Agni,
Yes agni and I give it to her 🙂

Dili,
Do you by any chance know my daughter? :-O She always say “mum it is what you call organised chaos” BTW I am fascinated by your detailed explanation of the intricacy of it all. I have read and re-read your first comment and I am still amazed at how beutifully you explained it. : )
For the second comment 😛

Darwin,
No it is not unhygienic. it is just messy. I mean absolutely messy. Papers, clothes all over the place.I can post a pic but then again if one of her friends see it then I am gone. I think I am going to turn a blind eye from here on. Her tacit message really did have an impact on me even I am shocked by how it affected me. I was always a very tidy and organised person. oh well Thank for wishes 🙂

Out of interest, would it have been difficult to ask her to set aside 15 minutes so you can ask her politely what she wants to do with the old clothes and you can listen and try to understand what she has to say when both of you are calm and relaxed. Or would she have been passive aggressive? 🙂

I used to be pretty messy, but now, i’m waiting for my brother to move out of my room so i can tidy it up. There’s nothing wrong with setting standards for your offspring. The room may be hers, but the house is yours. 😉

L,
If I am to go by every conversation I have had about the state of the room then she would have said “no, I’ll do it” and pushed me away and it would never have been done. I have tried to do it with her.

Jerry,
Hmm… …I don’t know if I agree with you there. I know lots of parents love to say “as long as you are under my roof you have to go by my rules” to their children. I don’t like to take that approach. I believe whatever the ownership of the house is, it is their rightful lodgings as well. The basics would have to be to come to some sort of middle ground to appreciate that sometimes we have to consider other people’s concerns as well.

my mum nags at me and esp my brother to clean our rooms but she never actually does it for us. i think it’s to do more with the fact that she can’t be bothered doing our dirty work for us than it is about letting us have our privacy 😉 she does however, go berserk if the communal areas of the house are messy.

I wouldn’t take a psychologists advice just like that either! But, what I got from that show was that, we do not always have to walk on egg shells regarding invading their privacy,when it comes to doing what has to be done.But, thats obvious ,I guess.And, yes, I believe in privacy too.

PP
He he wouldn’t you have a problem if she actually cleaned it herself though?

Look up Jerry and see other responses, except you and Darwin the overwhelming majority are messy ones so I guess in the future it is more than likely there will be more messy sorts and together they will lead messy lives 🙂

Indyana,
IT is not walking on eggshells as such just respecting the other and putting yourself in their shoes. don’t forget this is a 19 year old I am talking about 🙂

That’s why I have a minimum set of clothes. Do you know how many combinations you can make with 3 tshirts and 2 denims? 6 combos. Exactly enough to last week coz I wear shorts around the house on Sundays 🙂

Dili
Shouldn’t we focus on ‘chaos’ as the key word and throw ‘organised’ to the ether? 😛

Jerry,
John had just written that he only has few pairs of clothes so is it your own clothes you are wading through? 😛

Indyana,
I wasn’t worried or confused I was gobsmacked by her approach to the whole thing. I was so waiting for the lashing you know. She really took me by surprise, that is all. I never expected silence from her. 🙂