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Bio mom and MIL?!?! Please give advice!

I am really bugged lately. I am newly married. My DH has 3 children with BM (my 3 Step kids). My MIL talks to BM ALL the time! I am pregnant and we found out saturday we are having a girl. So BM calls yesterday just to tell DH she knows what we are having. (BM is pregnant too and having a boy, which is what my oldest Step son wanted us to have) Anyways, MIL and BM talk daily and she knows all of my business because of it. It really bothers me and I don't know what I can do about it?!?! I mean I completely understand that is my Step kids grandma but does she really have to tell BM all of me and DH's business?? What is your MIL and BM relationship? And what would you do if you were me? Thanks ladies!!

I guess it depends a lot on what BM is like.... I know there are some couples you remain in a peaceful if not friendly relationship with the ex, and if that's possible, I think it's really good for the kids sake. Your MIL probably came to love her DIL, and that's her business. I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable with her telling the ex about you, but maybe she just expects everyone to be friendly. Is it possible your annoyance is unnecessary? Maybe it never crossed MIL's mind that it would bother you, and if you just told her really openly and honestly, she would stop?

I'm sorry that must not be fun.I guess it's not going to go away so ask husband to keep things between you & him & to please not talk about you to his mother?Have you told your husband how it makes you terribly uncomfortable, it may take some time to sink in for him but if he loves you he should get to the point of understanding what you are saying.After a little time.I mean why wouldn't he want to be a bit sensitive to your needs, ya know.' I think you should deffinitally mention it to him at a good time for the both of you.

Sounds like you need to stop telling the MIL stuff. right or wrong, you know that what you tell the MIL will go back to the BM.
So if you don't want the BM to know something, then don't tell the MIL.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 1:07 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

Do you want people in your life who love you & are interested in your life or no?

If you think you can have categories of 'yes' and 'no' people, you'll find that you spend a great amount of your time trying to figure out , right now when someone's being loving and connecting with you, if they fit in Box Z or Box J... instead of connecting with them and feeling their affection.

Please, don't let me suggest that you not wall yourself off from affection and connection with other people, go ahead. But when you do, you will do the world a favor by not complaining about feeling walled off from affection and connection, k?

You can't control other people, you can only control yourself. If you don't want people knowing things, stop talking. I mean, now *I* know you're having a girl, and I'm sure you didn't want that at all.

Be loving to feel love. Does it matter that she's someone's ex? Really? Why? Aren't you someone's ex?

i would tell my mil to EFF off... but hubby and i have never been married to anyone else or have any kids with other ppl, and this will be our first, but i dont like when my family talks to my ex's and tells them things.

In my life, it has been that my MIL is respectful of bio mom, she never goes out of her way to talk to her (I don't think she ever really liked her to begin with) I talk to my MIL everyday, I adore her!

It would bother me too - but since they are close there is nothing you can do about it other than learn to accept it. I'm lucky since my MIL is still angry with my husband's ex since she cheated and left him after 25 years of marriage. However, they will probably one day patch things up since my MIL has a forgiving nature and knows that she is the biomom of her grandkids. But I'll get over it. I also adore my MIL.

A couple of thoughts: If the BM isn't crazy or awful and trying to destroy your life in anyway then do your best to try to be open to good relations between you, her, your DH and even MIL, if for no other reason than the IMMENSE benefits this will have for your step children. Really, to have all of you getting along and behind them will change and impact their lives in beneficial ways. It takes a big woman to be capable of this, I understand.
Secondly, in regards to the MIL, maybe say something to her like, "Gee, it seems you are really close with BM. You know, sometimes I get jealous and feel a little left out, maybe we can spend some more time together the two of us" or "I am sure you can understand that it is a little hard for me to have my husband's ex around, and while I know she will always be in our life and yours I need a little more discretion on your part since you know things as my MIL I might not be ready to share