Kurt

The early 90's marked such an interesting and exciting time in music. The epitome of it all was MTV that had just arrived in Sweden on cable and this was long before there was a MTV for every country of the world, when most of the few, highly music-oriented shows like Yo! Raps would be produced either in the US or in the UK. A time when the channel was progressive and in your face with its grungy fuck-off feel à la Beavis 'n Butthead (unlike today's commercial and campy feel) and still stood for Music Television rather than Reality Television. Sure, the channel was avant garde in creating what could probably be labelled as the first reality show, Real World, before there ever was a Big Brother but still, there was so much undivided focus on the music.

The music videos were probably as rad as the music and often had an enhancing quality to whatever song was featured. Videos that instantly come to mind are Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun (where the doll was the object of, well, a little barbecue), Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer and Beastie Boys' Sabotage directed by Spike Jonze, preceding his later years as the masterful film director of Being John Malkovich. Still to date I remember how sort of naughty and undeniably cool Aerosmith's videos for Cryin' and Crazy felt, with young Alicia Silverstone in both and Liv Tyler (daughter of frontman Steven Tyler) in one of them. They truly came across as an ode to life. Later Björk would emerge dominating MTV with her screen time in videos like Army of Me. Although having more or less passed on exploring Nirvana's music à l'époque, their Smell like teen spirit and the artwork for the Nevermind album (displaying the swimming baby and the dollar bill) is still what is the most tied with this era in time. I remember Kurt Cobain being a God while still alive and in retrospect, I'll vouch for that and not so reluctantly.

Featured below is what is allegedly Kobain's suicde note in which he mentions both daughter Frances Bean and musician wife Courtney Love (Bless her, really. I don't care if she remains a crack hag the rest of her life, she may be whack but will always be Courtney)

"To Boddah,

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.Please keep going Courtney :)for Frances.For her life, which will be so much happier without me.