This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i discuss whether “I suck” or not

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I remember being pregnant. It was awesome for me. At first I was worried that I was going to get even fatter than I was and that my boobs (already large) would get even bigger. Thankfully, not only did this not happen, but it turned out that for the first time in my adult life, I had an AWESOME metabolism. I could eat whatever I liked. M&M’s, a pint of ice cream a day, frozen yogurt, cookies, you get the picture. At any rate, I couldn’t gain weight for the life of me, had no physical limitations, and it was all good. Even the doctors were encouraging me to gain weight. So, as you can imagine, I really enjoyed the pregnant part of having kids.

The problems began after the childbirth. (I don’t want to gloss over the fact that the childbirth itself actually sucked, but that’s a story for another day!) They forced me to take the kid home with me. Now I was stuck with a kid, back to my shitty metabolism, and told to suck it up and deal with it. And this happened THREE TIMES!

Well, it was all good until they, especially the girls, learned to talk and by talk I mean talk BACK. So, now I get to the conversation referred to above. That’s right, where I discuss whether “I suck” or not. I know I haven’t told stories about the girls yet, but suffice it to say that they are 19 and 20 and not without their opinions.

So yesterday, I’m down at Duke helping Andie (daughter with a big mouth number two) move into her dorm room. I ask her if she’s following my blog. She says no but her roommate is curious and asked me to read an entry to her. I read her the mother-mother-daughter entry. Here are her comments:

Andie: “It’s not funny. Sorry, you’re just not a good writer. Not a funny writer. You never have been. Your Christmas letters weren’t even funny until I started helping you”.

Me: “Excuse me Andie, I’ve been getting compliments on my Christmas letters long before you could read and write. You’ve helped me with three of them and they’re so out of hand that they don’t even have a modicum of truth in them! I don’t just think it’s you that’s funny.”

Andie: “Sorry Mom, that’s just what I think. You just tell me what to say in the letters and then all the funny stuff is written by me. Are you really going to stick with this blog thing?”

Me: “Yes”

Andie: “Then I’m proud of you for actually following through on something.”

(I’m sorry but was that a totally backhanded compliment?)

Me: “You know Andie, I’ve been a screw up by choice, not because I’m incapable of being successful.”

Andie: “Yeah, whatever Mom.”

So, between that conversation where Andie basically tells me that I’m not funny and I suck and Keely (daughter number one with a big mouth) telling me she can’t read the blog “because your writing style makes me CRINGE. You have no sense of grammar and flow”, I’m having some serious issues!

Thankfully, I have been getting relatively positive feedback from all of you, my few, but trusty readers. Now, I have been informed that I will mostly only get positive feedback because people who hate it won’t comment, so I’m not sure how to take all this conflicting information. The good news is that tomorrow is my standing shrink appointment and I can explore all these issues with him then.

I’ve been writing this blog for eight days now. It’s a little bit of work which is mildly disturbing to someone who has spent her life avoiding that term, but I’m actually enjoying it! Therefore readers, here’s what I have to say. Even if I suck, I’m still going to do it because I’m having fun and feel that my stories deserve to be told!