For me, there is something wrong with masturbation. It causes and caused me to "stay inside myself"...and to learn to bury my emotions. My compulsive behavior became a substitute for learning to live life....maybe not where you are but definitely what I have just discovered about myself. Please feel welcome to share anytime. Not sure how long I will stay on this site...but thank you for your response.

Yep, get that totally. I know a lot of people take the, no big deal, nothing wrong with it, stance, and if that's how it is for them, then good for them. But for me, well it's pretty much what you posted there. Keeps me from dealing with the causes of the fears, and stress, and anxiety. Keeps me stuck. Keeps me isolated. Realistically, it only happens when I'm not in a healthy place, the thoughts and fantasies that accompany it testify to that, so if it's happening all the time... well what does that say about where I am currently?

I am trying to understand what you mean by " compulsive" Which before I incorrectly and ironically first spell "cumpulsive" , sometimes puns just present themselves.

I was in a SAA group for a while and one guy masturbated about 5 times a day. That's pretty compulsive. So he went to group 5 nights a week and sometimes in the day too in an effort to stop. That's really compulsive.

The reason i ask if its ok to ask is - is it the amount of times your masturbating that feels compulsive or the subject matter of your thoughts that has you concerned?

Masturbation is normal of course for many mammals. As has been stated, MB is problematic if its keeping you from things you have to do. You sort of allude to feelings of stress relief with MB although later you talk about the diff between sex with a man and woman. Just to help understand, Is it that you are MB to thoughts of sex with a man that gives you relief yet has you feeling like this is the "Last Hurdle" to overcome ?

To paraphrase the best definition of "compulsive" i know of is that a thing( MB, risky sex, gambling, porn, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gaming, (all the good verbs - I can't help myself sometimes) becomes compulsive is when you have to give yourself a PERMISSION STATEMENT in your head cuz you already know its not right for you and you have exceeded what your original intent was. i.e. betting the farm or MB'ing to the point of rawness.

cheers and thanks for sharing

Edited by 1lifenow (03/21/1404:27 PM)

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The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

It seems like we would understand each other. I did not realize what was happening and why I seemed to be void of the "feelings" others have. I am not void of them but I suppress them via Masturbation. I believe that now. I am not a therapist...but this is what I believe. I wanted normalcy in my life, relationships, sex. Yes, all men most certainly have masturbated at one time or another, but not for the reasons I did. Sometimes it seemed punitive, not a sexually relief at all, but almost mad at the world. while "doing it", things seemed better but immediately afterwards, that feeling left and I was not happy with myself.

There is sort of a movement going on where guys are working to give up porn usage. I have also read that for many this means MB as well. Not sure if it is helpful, but here is one site that has some info: http://yourbrainonporn.com/

"Sex with men has been just that, a sexual relief. Sex with women is love making to me."

Ditto. 100%. Couldn't have written simpler and better myself.

I was molested at 13 by a man and then other men following that. Compulsive masturbation was the part I've had the hardest time letting go of. I go to a 12 step fellowship and I do the work and I'm getting relief.

I'm glad you wrote this. The masturbation piece has driven me crazy. It's funny that the old wives tales about the harms of masturbation can be true for some of us.

Edit: I just read another comment about what "compulsive" might mean. In my opinion, it merely can mean a behavior that is hidden, separate from the rest of my life, attached to negative thinking, against my true values, etc. It is not the number of times daily or weekly or monthly but the fact that the "compulsion" to do it arises in order to alter one's mood. It is used as a drug to not feel one's feelings.

Sexual thoughts or activities with men for me is solely about addiction. There is no love, no seeking of love, no bonding. It is an illusion of those things through use of sex and the fake intimacy that it brings. For a boy being sexually abused, it feels intimate but it is anything but intimate. That is where the compulsion takes root and it was too much for my boy brain to make sense of and there was no one to help me make sense of it besides. Now as an adult I can say what it was and what resulted from it. Compulsive masturbation, no matter the frequency or lack thereof, keeps me tied to a boy's way of trying to cope with life. Letting go of it allows me to grow up and move on.

Edited by EdfromNYC (03/23/1408:16 AM)

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And more, much more, the heart may feel, Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.Winthrop Mackworth Praed

You spoke it well and exactly how I see this problem. This addiction. It keeps me locked into the "boy I was"...in a weird way. Yes, I am a Man now, but that "boy" somehow failed to grow up in the normal way. So you have tacked this and put it behind you?

I hate hearing that you too seem to be struggling with "this thing" too. After so long. You leaped ahead of me though by marrying and having kids. I grew up saying I didn't want to get married nor have kids....be careful what you ask for! I got my wish. Now I want both. I am right there with you if you are being totally honest. The masturbation has to stop to move forward. No once or twice here or there, it just has to stop. My intimacy, sexual and non sexual, was affected by this. Trusted teacher. I don't trust anyone, at least not for a long time. But I am truly tired of being who I am and must change. you my friend? what do you want? why are you on this site? what are you looking for from here?

I'm in the process of tackling it. It is getting better and has less of a pull in my life. I am making peace with it and letting go of it at the same time. It is possible. There are other men with compulsions, some rooted in abuse, some not, but what matters are ways to change my thinking and acting around sex and sexual acting out including masturbation.

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel, Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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