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Monday, August 13, 2012

Slice of Life - Being Comfortable in Our Own Skin

Together things
happen that can never happen alone, which is a very important thing for an
introverted and socially anxious person like me to realize. I guess these days
this is a politically charged statement, but it seems to me manifestly true. You make nothing alone. Human beings
are not mere competitors, and human life is not merely competition. We are
collaborators. To be human is to catch the falling person.

~ John Green, author

I saw
this quote from John Green the other day and it stopped me in my tracks. First,
I love the quote. I think if more people in this world realized we need to
collaborate, that we are better off together, if they caught the falling
person, we’d be in a better place. This is what I want to teach my children and
my students.

The other
part I identify with is John himself. He’s been very open about the fact that
he’s an introvert and suffers from anxiety, and I share this struggle. It’s
funny, last year a student interviewed me for a writing assignment. Later the
teacher interviews hung in the hall. A colleague was reading them and trying to
guess who each teacher was. (They weren’t labeled until later.) I passed and
she asked me which one was mine. Glancing them over I pointed at one on the top
and she laughed and said I must be mistaken, that one listed that the teacher
was shy and I am obviously not. She couldn’t be more wrong.

Shyness
has always been part of my life. I’d much prefer staying home, reading a book,
to going out. I prefer my home to traveling, friends to strangers, keeping
quiet to volunteering. Growing up, I rarely spoke up in class to the point that many
teachers didn’t connect with me. Anxiety didn’t really kick in until I was
older, but it is ever present.

So how is it that a colleague didn’t recognize me and chuckled when I claimed
the page that listed shy? It’s something I have worked hard on. When I’m
comfortable, I now speak up. I try hard and do things that make me nervous,
require to me step outside of my comfort zone. In front of friends and family, I am myself
and completely comfortable in my skin. In front of students, I am in my
element.

And for the anxiety, I try and not let it hold me back. I get on the plane even
though it makes me feel like I’m having a heart attack. I speak in front of
groups of teachers though I know my face will be bright red, my heart will
race, and my voice will crack. I will write and put my writing “out there” even
though it feels like jumping off a cliff. Sometimes it seems easier, sometimes
it seems like the hardest thing in the world, but the motto I live by is that
in our family we do hard things (See this blog post for more). And I need to be that role model to my boys
who, I fear, will take after me.

This is
why I thank John Green, for being so forthcoming on the things he struggles
with. I am as well, especially with my students. It amazes me how many of my
students struggle with anxiety. I share my story, teach them some deep
breathing, and we connect. I want them to learn what I am still learning, the amazing feeling of being comfortable in our own skin.