An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,”Seven Points.”

His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”
The old man replied, “It’s fart football!”

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says – “Touchdown, tie score!”

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says – “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7!”

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, – “Touchdown, tie score!” Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says – “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!”

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, “What the heck was that?”
The old man replied, “Half-time, Switch sides!”

This is a true statement from an old fart: Benjamin Franklin wrote a short book called “On Farting”. He was experimenting with substances that could give a pleasant scent to farts. I have the book in my possession.

A drunk was still sitting in the bar after not drinking anything for about 30 mins. The guy next to him recoiled and asked, “Did you fart?” to which the drunk replied, “Nope.”. Moments later ,the guy asked, “Well, did you shit?” to which the drunk replied ,”Yep!”. The other guy asks, “Why didn’t you go to the bathroom?”. The drunk replied,” ‘Cause I ain’t through yet.”.