Tuesday, September 28, 2010

10/3--Commitment-Phobe as Bachelor? Sure, Why Not? No Dumber Than a Pilot Afraid of Heights

Recycled Cheese

Brad in a Can!

Some Hollywood wise-ass once wrote, "There is no such thing as bad publicity." and considering Kim Kardashian, Snooki, and Paris Hilton are all still rich and Lindsay Lohan still has people willing to pay her gobs of money to make movies, he must have been right. It's obviously a philosophy shared by Bachelor Executive-Producer/ villainous rat-bastard, Mike Fleiss as well. Fleiss pulled a P.T. Barnum moment out of his hat this past week when he announced that former Bachelor--dump artist supreme, BradWomack would be recycled as the the next Bachelor this coming season. Fans ground down their molars gnashing their teeth that last season's runner-up, Normal Guy Chris Lambton, had escaped their trembling clutches and instead of playing it safe with another milquetoast dweeb like JakePavelka, Fleiss decided to swing for the publicity fences and reappoint Womack as his next Love God. Fleiss ignored the fact that most of Bachelor-America still seethe at the very thought of Womack since he is the only Bachelor in the show's history to dump both of his final 2 and walk away alone. You don't really think Fleiss cares what you think, do you? Thinking is not what he wants from you. He wants only one thing from you, Dear Bachelor Addict, and he's got it: yourattention.

Fleiss' own lamprey, Chris "Wingman" Harrison, was refreshingly honest about the pick in a recent interview with TV Guide (at least part of the time anyway). "If we'd gone with a real estate agent from New Mexico, would anyone have cared?" Indeed. No, we wouldn't have. Which is why the hated-Womack is the Bachelor again. My own feelings on Womack have been mixed since his season ended. During the season, he was my favorite Bachelor--a guy with no Hollywood in him; a regular Texas dude; self-made millionaire, etc. But when he grabbed his throat, hyper-ventilated, and dumped both DeAnnaPappas and JenniCroft at the finale, I ripped the guy to pieces. That was dumb of me. Sure, Womack is a commitment-phobe. Anyone who watched his season finale could see that, but he was also honest about his feelings for the women and the more we have learned about the Fleissmonster and his criminal gang, the more we can now understand the enormous pressure Womack must have resisted to stick to his guns. Looking back and using the clarity hindsight affords, Womack doesn't look so bad now. Think of having to endure a return engagement with Stink-EyePavelka and whatever cheap stunt he would pull to stay famous for another thirty seconds if the thought of Womack gets you too down. Fleiss certainly threw Womack into the cauldron right away and the media opened fire like it was a shooting gallery. I think we can rest easy on one point though: there is no way in the universe Womack won't pick someone--anyone--this time. After last time, he swears he's gone into therapy and actually hid from the world for a year or two, feeling like a loser. If he has to propose to the limo driver this time, he will.

So, its with some trepidation and a little morbid curiosity that I await the return of the man I dubbed, TheTexasTool. Your pirate will be there when comes back...