Day 26

On Sunday we went to Nana and Grandfather’s for lunch. We also visited the Mississippi River for the first time!

Last Friday, when Critter and I were walking outside, I had this overwhelming feeling of finally feeling normal. Not in the sense that my life had finally sorted itself into pre-baby order, but in the sense that everything was finally Okay.

We sort of have a routine. Even if it is awkward at times. I will confess that I still don’t find that he has particularly different cries, but he continues only to fuss when he is hungry or when his diaper is wet. Or sometimes when we’re changing the diaper or sometimes when we are getting into the car seat. We’re doing just fine.

Yesterday was the day where he and I were both crying at the same time. He cluster fed for probably 10 of 12 hours (the other two being a 40 minute nap, the drive to and from mom group, and a walk around the neighborhood in an effort to get him to fall asleep). I had a headache and I have found that I am really good with powering through until I am in pain and the moment pain strikes me, I Am So Weak You Guys. He finally went to sleep at 6:40 PM and when he was out, he was OUT. And then I was out too.

Critter slept for four hours straight on Sunday night which was also the first time that I have slept for four hours straight in 24 days. It was a miracle of God. I still have no idea of what to expect from him in terms of evening sleep so we are just going to keep sleeping when we can and letting it go from there.

Exercise. Like, you’re not supposed to do fitness or whatever until you’re cleared to do it at your six week appointment. I haven’t run yet (even though we’re only about 2.5 weeks away from that!). But I have been walking. I’ve been hopping on the treadmill intermittently for some SLOW 30 minute walks over the past few weeks and finally last week I made it three times. It feels good and gives me time to have my communion with the cast of Vanderpump Rules and the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Critter and I have also started taking walks outside. He’s bundled up, we only go for 10-15 minutes, but still it’s something! I also cheated and started doing yoga on Saturday. It’s a quick 15-20 minute practice and I made a bunch of modifications because I haven’t done it in eight months and I know my organs are still finding their way back to their proper places but it felt So Good!

I’m not doing any of this to shed baby weight and am doing all of it because frankly moving my body is essential to maintaining my mental health.

I packed away all of my maternity clothes over the weekend. I also unpacked all of my old shirts which at the current moment seem deeply impractical because I’m only wearing nursing camisoles. All of that said, I would like you to know that I own many garments. My old leggings and jeggings also fit once again and that is really just 11/10 because they are so much nicer than the maternity ones. Good God I am so happy to be wearing them.

I’ve lost 29.5 pounds. I told myself I was only going to get on the scale once per week, but I can’t resist. It’s too fascinating.

We’re going to start back with cloth diapers again with the caveat that if he gets another yeast diaper rash, we are out. I’ve disinfected them thoroughly (and the cloth wipes too) so we should be in a good place to start from scratch.

Reading. The tots are supposed to hear five million words by age five or something like that. We have many books to work through in Critter’s extensive library but we have also started reading aloud from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, just to get some variety in there. We have just arrived at Gringotts for the first time.

I went back to mom group. I really think I’m done now. This time it was actually nice to see the other moms (besides the one that glared across the sharing circle from me the entire time) but once again he ate for 45 minutes and was overtired because he hadn’t really napped all day. We ended up leaving after hour one of the two hour meeting. The group leader tried to tell me that it is empowering to feed your baby in places that are not your home, like on the group outings I have not attended. Honestly at this point, my concern has nothing to do with publicly breastfeeding and 100% to do with the fact that when we are not in the nursery, neither he nor I are really comfortable with the positioning. Which really wouldn’t be a big deal except for the fact that we end up in these situations where he has marathon feeding sessions. Or to put it in layman’s terms, it’s like trying to run 26.2 miles wearing shoes that don’t fit properly. I won’t do it, you guys.

I love Harry Potter, and it makes me glad to hear that you are sharing it 🙂

As for mom groups, I always felt less-than whenever I attended one. I was hoping for a sense of community, but it didn’t play out that way for me. Perhaps I just didn’t find the right group, but honestly, it felt exhausting to try and look presentable and get the diaper bag packed and make conversation. And the feeding thing took a long time to get comfortable with. I am “busty,” so nursing was never straightforward and required propping for comfort.

As Andrea stated above, it mostly gets easier from here. My kids are now almost 12 and 10 (!!!!!!) and, happily, no longer require diaper changes, bottles, or regular naps. They usually sleep through the night (nightmares happen) and feed themselves. Heck, they even make us eggs, pancakes, or cupcakes sometimes.