Epilepsy is my own personal Demon

When you wake up, lost and confused in the darkness of night that engulfs you and a heavy weight presses on your chest. It’s panic. Panic and fear. But it only lasts a moment or two, until the thick foggy haze encompassing your head starts to lift.

That’s when you notice, your limbs are heavy like lead and your muscles are aching. Your head is pulsing and pounding, your neck weak and stiff at the same time. Your eyes are tired and watering, still rolling to the back of your head.
It’s on the next eye roll that you feel the pressure and the stabbing pain that is blinding you and making you dizzy. It’s then, that the sheer tiredness and exhaustion hits you and you realise you must have just had a seizure.

It feels like forever for this conclusion to occur, yet, in reality it takes mere seconds. Your world seems like it’s going in slow motion as the tears of frustration began to prick the corner of your eyes. You had been doing so well, there had been no large electrical storm in your brain for nearly a week. You had been doing so well, and now you had to start all over again.

Eventually the world goes dark again and your brain finally starts to relax into a deep slumber.

You wake back up a few hours later, and the confusion starts all over again. You’ve forgotten about the seizure but you’re reminded by the pain and the exhaustion. This time the frustrated tears manage to escape from their tightly bound cage. This time you can’t keep the self annoyance and hatred locked away as the depression settles down deeply into your soul.
Will this ever end?
Will I ever be seizure free?
Will I ever be just me?

Unlikely. So you wipe away the tears and continue with our life. It’s the only thing you can do. Just continue and not give up.

Epilepsy is my own personal battle.
And I will not let it win!

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Published by Seizure queen Vs Mama bear

Mama to a three year old little boy, Oscar and a baby girl, Florence. I love taking O to as many places as I can and experiencing new things with him.
I am studying English at university whilst obsessing over retro fashion, books, tea leaves, coffee, photography and writing.
I Write about my experiences as a student, mother and break dancer (Epilepsy sufferer).
View all posts by Seizure queen Vs Mama bear