The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: That’s What a Wifey Does

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: That’s What a Wifey Does

All great stories contain recurring motifs: dancing, birthdays, and closeted homosexual urges are the through-line of this episode of The Foreclosure Variety Show, an orgiastic frenzy that's followed up with the inexplicable pairing of Melissa Gorga and Mike Tyson on Watch What Happens Live. I did not watch what happened, which is why I lived.

It's Melissa's daughter Antonia's birthday party, and nothing says "It's my daughter's birthday party" like ignoring your daughter and getting Photoshopped "IRL" by a male makeup artist with two first names (George Michel). As he smears product on her face, Joe Gorga inquires what she has planned for the party. It's "nothing crazy," she responds: just a cotton-candy stand, a hot-dog stand, face-painting, and a giant inflatable fort shaped like a caterpillar with sneakers on that made me think — as most things now do —of Human Centipede: Full Sequence. Read More...