Porn Hedge Fund Sics Half-Naked Models On Apple

The story goes that there is no such thing as bad publicity. Smutty hedge fund shop AdultVest is certainly putting the old adage to the test.
The firm, whose Priapus Investment Fund invests in the adult entertainment industry, has a new mission for its iPorn girls: Convince Apple to approve its iPorn application for the iPhone.
Until now, the iPorn girls have been charged with titillating attendees at Apple’s Worldwide Developer’s Conference and participating in hot-body contests. But now, AdultVest is sending at least five “open-minded”—and no doubt scantily clad—iPorn girls into Apple’s boardroom to handle the, uh, touchy task of negotiation.
“The visit with Apple is being coordinated and is expected to take place in the next few weeks,” iPorn claims in a press release. “Due to the honed negotiating skills of the iPorn Girls, the company fully expects Apple will be convinced of how mutually beneficial a partnership with iPorn could be.”
AdultVest complains that being forced to download the iPorn app from BiPorn’s Web site is simply “too much of a hassle” for the lascivious.
“The whole world is waiting for Apple to stop controlling the type of applications its users are allowed to access,” iPorn claims. “The approval of the iPorn iPhone app would be Apple’s first step in the right direction—NO MORE CENSORSHIP!”
Despite feeling the need to resort to all caps, iPorn says it has no doubt that its busty bargainers will make quick work of the Apple board.
“A person very familiar with the matter said Apple execs are likely to respond favorably to the iPorn girls’ high level of motivation and willingness to bend over backwards in order to close a deal.”
Priapus was named Institutional Investor magazine’s “Hedge Fund Launch of the Year” last year. But sources close to the firm told FINalternatives earlier this year that AdultVest founder Francis Koenig was looting the fund to pay for his lavish lifestyle.
“There is almost no money left in the fund,” an investor said. “Koenig has an American Express black card through the company that he uses on partying, girls and high living. Most money is missing and iPorn.com is not worth what he says it is.”
Koenig has denied that there is anything untoward about AdultVest, other than its smutty investments.