Thursday, October 22, 2009

What if your loved one just isn’t all that into being passionate anymore?This is the #1 question sent to my inbox.

I have some ideas; but I want to start out by staying I’m not an expert on relationships or a doctor or anything. I started this blog to share ideas for passion in the midst of every day busy life (especially for parents). Because I think William and I are pretty lucky and have come up with some great ideas and often when I get to talkin’ with the girls they say “I never thought of that” and “you should write a book”

Question:1. Do you already know what the problem is? Because often people will complain about something (my husband doesn’t want to have sex) and say they don’t know what the problem is, when they already know what the problem is. Do you? Come on, let’s hear it… have you done any of the following:a. Insult your loved ones body?b. Insult his / her love making skills?c. Commented on his / her weight, body odor, or breath?d. Have you been the one saying “no” and now that you want a little, you love may be retaliating?e. Have you two been fighting about anything else?

Because, if you know the answer to any of the above….then you know how to solve this little issue without my tips, right?

For the rest of you, read on:

Tips1. Start with something else. Sure you want to jump in the sack. Your love has been putting on the breaks or avoiding it. Start by connecting in some other way. Go for a walk. Hang out together. If you are having a very difficult time getting your loved ones attention (she blogs too much? He’s gaming all the time?) stop whatever you do and join in with what your love is doing.

2. Compliments. Not insincere fast ‘hey baby, u hot, let’s get it on!’ But real and true telling of what you love about your love. Say it.

3. Believe what s/he says. Even if you think it’s a cop-out. If she says she has no time because of work, laundry, dishes, homework…HELP get that stuff done. If he says he has a headache…buy his favorite pain killer, research headaches, check and see if he needs to see his doctor.

4. Be willing to indulge your partner. Think about what s/he is saying ‘no’ to and what it would take to turn that ‘no’ into a ‘yes’

The SHOWER TRICKWait for your love to get in the showerWait a half a minute so you know that the water is just rightYour love is sudsy and soapyAnd then walk into the bathroomLock the door to keep the critters out Open the shower curtain or shower doorWait for the look of surprise on your loved ones face And then Quickly move your eyes to stare at their bodyKeep staring and say“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were in here,” and keep staring in a complimentary way. And then say, “You look (fill in the blank with what your love would want to hear). I’m going to be thinking of you all day.” And then let the shower curtain fall (or close the shower door) and walk away. Don’t go too far, I’m hoping that your love will call you back and invite you in the shower!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Yesterday I spent some time with my 13 yo niece. I haven’t seen her since summer and I was not prepared for the shock that met my eyes: black eye liner, eye shadow, slightly padded bra and when she bent over –yeah you guessed it – T-bars.

First off, I am all for style and letting kids express themselves.

I was just shocked because it seemed like a BIG change in just a few short months.

When I asked her about her new look, she answered like it was obvious, “I want boys to like me.”

My heart broke. This was my tree climber, pancake flipper, saver of lost dogs and threatened insects (she’s been known to try to capture all the flies in the house before her father wacks them)

I love personal style and unique looks. But shouldn’t a kid pick a look because THEY like it?

But tell me, do any 13 year old boys tell their classmates –I’d really like you better if you had a bit more eyeliner?

The boy

The flip side is my Ashton. He was sitting in the backseat with two buddies and we stopped at a red light. They all noticed a girl walking across the street. At the time, I thought she was 15 or 16, but maybe she was younger. One of the boys made a comment to Ashton and he said something to the effect, “I could never get a girl like that.”

I was pretending not to listen.

Half of me wanted to say – you are so special you can be with any amazing wonderful beautiful female

And the other half was thinking – girls are not meant to be ‘got’

The magazine

Last night I was in a waiting room flipping through a magazine (it was a couple of years old) and there was an article about guys telling their greatest turn ons. One guy said (paraphrasing) I knew I was going to dump my girlfriend soon and decided I should have sex with her one more time. I was just uninhibited and let myself go and it was the best sex ever.

!

His best sex (and the only time he was himself in bed with her) was with someone he didn’t want to see again?!

So, here’s the truth:

I don’t want my niece never to go out with boys

I don’t want my son to think an attractive girl won’t be attracted to him

But, more than that - - - I want them (and all kids) to grow up learning to form positive relationships. I hope they will have great friends of both genders and when they do have crushes and relationships it will be with people who they have a lot in common with, who bring out the best in them, and who they feel truly comfortable around.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

It’s basically just a variation on up-against-the-wall with the convenience of leaning over the sink.

Our favorite place for sink s3x is the bathroom, but the technique works anywhere –well, anywhere you have a sink… kitchen / laundry / wherever.

Some of the many advantages of sink s3x

1. Mirrors2. Doors that lock (in the case of bathrooms) to keep little monsters out3. Perfect place for the quickest of all quickies – you can even have sink s3x in the guest bathroom if you’re hosting a party (really, it works)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Years ago when Cassie was a baby and the boys were about 3 & 6, we moved.

It was a big move. I ended up in the new town with the kids weeks before William. We were holed up in a cheap hotel doing fun things like school registration and vehicle registration and trying not to lose my mind living with three kids in a hotel room, when William surprised me with a weekend visit. Surprise!

There was barely enough room for me and the kids in that room. And when they were sleeping, there was no way we could….you know.

So, off to the bathroom (one of our favorite places anyway). But we didn’t pick the shower or go for sink s3x. No, we made the mistake of reclining on the throne together.

All was well in the world, until William felt a pinch on his butt. Next there was a hard plastic snap . When we were able to inspect the surroundings we found the toilet seat was not as strong as our home model.

The lid was broken completely off.

Despite the butt pinch and the plastic snap , we had no complaints. The kids didn’t wake up. We were together for a weekend. Everything was perfect.

When we checked out, we admitted the damage. “The lid to the toilet seat came off. We’re responsible. We need to pay for it.”

This required the attention of a manager. He had to consult his list. We weren’t worried. It was a cheap-o toilet seat. It couldn’t cost much, right?

Manager: I’ll add the $65.00 to your bill

Us: ?! What ?!

William: That is not a $65.00 toilet seat. I could get a toilet seat down the road at home-fix-it-store.

Manager: They’re special, to fit on our toilets. You can only get them through one supplier.

I felt myself get tense, clenched my jaws, try to think of something to say ...

William said, “No problem” to the manager, like we go around paying damages to hotel rooms all the time. And he nudged me and said, “It was worth it.”

Friday, October 2, 2009

These difficult financial times suck for everyone....so I’ve come up with a list of 10 free ways to have fun.

Give some a try & please add your own ideas in the comment section for others. Let’s all save more money and have more FUN!

1. Go for a walk2. Play a board game – you still have board games, don’t you?3. Eat outside – you’re going to eat anyway --- go outside in the yard, balcony or bring everything to a park4. Go to the park – swing on the swings, slide down the slide, play tag5. Got dirt? Water? Have a mud fight. Yeah, really. I dare you!6. Pull out those old CDs, pin drives, (photo albums if you’re that old) and look at pictures together7. Massage 8. Stare at the stars, wake up in the middle of the night and go to a window or go outside and just enjoy the universe9. Cook together – make a great meal and share it by feeding each other10. Go on a long drive together (okay, not free given the cost of gas, so I’ll add another one to my list) but drive somewhere without being in a hurry, take time to talk, look around, make-out in the car. Ahhhh… making out in a car, how long has that been?11. Talk. Turn off everything – TV, computers, cell phones, etc…, turn out the lights, light a candle and just talk. Share happy memories from childhood. What did you love when you were a kid that you wish you did more of? Can you find a way to incorporate it into your adult world?

When I was a kid, I LOVED to climb trees. I lived in trees during the summer. Up in a tree away from the world, I'd read books, draw, sing and, of course, spy on everyone down below. Trees were my perfect place to be. I've climbed trees with all three of my kids throughout the years, but I don't think William and I have ever scaled a tree togehter. Maybe we should try that for our free fun!!