FIL still in pain

Monday, December 09, 2013

We went to visit my FIL yesterday and today in his new place, the assisted living place. It's very nice. He is still thinking and hoping to heal and be able to drive again and go back to living independently. Right now we have to take it one day at a time and see how things go. He is still in a wheel chair although they do have him exercising his legs and such but he says the pain isn't where the operation was but under one hip. He says it prevents him from walking much. The latest MRI doesn't show anything. So we aren't sure what the pain is from or how to help him. He now has two doctor's opinions who looked at the MRI and both concur that they see nothing. So it must be muscular. Time will tell.

Loving being back in the sunshine. Had a ball watching out Philly Eagles on TV yesterday out by the pool with the sun. Don't know if any of you saw any of the game, they were playing Detroit in Philly and there was like 8 inches of snow. When the game first started you could hardly see the players as it was like blizzard conditions.
Fun game and thankfully the Eagles won.

If he hurts get medication to control the pain. It's about quality of life. I have MS and the Dr.s don't want to treat the pain I have. I went years without adequate pain control. Some days I feel like screaming into a pillow due to the amount I have. Pain can incapacitate you. It's not a made up pain in my head, I was injured in my back when the Dr. operated for a hysterectomy. They don't believe me, so they won't treat it. It makes it darn hard to move normally. It makes me pause when I walk. When I stand up it makes it hard to move, I have to wait for the pain to pass. Pain is so very worth treating.

Eventually the MS specialist believed me. I am only allowed two norco a day, which I rarely take. When the pain is treated, I break a norco in half, I can move so much better. I don't need a lot as my body reacts to taking a normal dose. The codine helps better than the regular over the counter pills. Pain is real.

I doubt that he is attention seeking when he is aware how bad pain affects his mobility. No one wants to be in a wheelchair, dependent on others.

I'm sorry about your FIL, aging is definitely not for the weak! But - and please don't take this wrong, I just offer it as a possibility based on my own experience with my grandmother - is it possible that his continued pain his mostly psychological...because If he is in pain he is getting a lot of attention, people visit more often, etc. .please don't think I am minimizing or dismissing what he has gone through because surgery is never easy and becomes less so the older one gets.

But I've been reading your blogs all along and the pattern I see starting is he was improving and improved, things were going well, there was lots of time spent with him...and then you went to the US, and no more very frequent attention. So a problem developed and was handled while you were gone...but now there is a lot of pain again (that was gone or fading before you left Mexico) and the attention and visits are resuming...

Again, I only offer it as a possibility because his condition seems to ebb & flow and because the doctors once again cannot find any physical reason for his pain. You are the one there and in the best position to know what is happening.

My grandmother craved attention so she would constantly manufacture illness or pain so that people would flock to her. Maybe manufacture is too harsh but at the least she would take something relatively minor and blow it completely out of proportion when she felt she wasn't getting enough attention...up to and including faking a heart attack. We know it was faked because I forced her to go to the ER (incredibly she didn't want to go even though she claimed to be having a heart attack) and the docs found nothing physically wrong other than some dehydration because she refused to drink much of anything and zero evidence of a heart attack.

I'm not saying your FIL is that deliberately manipulative, but at that age he may want independence but he probably also craves contact with other people even more than when he was younger and - perhaps even subconsciously - has realized that the more troubles he has the more contact he gets. So some muscle soreness from using the muscles again becomes a major pain that leaves him dependent, which means lots of visits from people.

Dear Sallie so sorry to hear about DFILs health. I completely emphatise with him. It is extremely difficult to cope with pain & curtailed mobility with advancing years. I believe that either living with the family if feasible or assisted living is the best option.

I'm jealous-- outside in the sun! Here in Iowa, we had a high of 9!Can't wait until Feb. When I get to spend a month in Mexico!Sorry to hear your FIL is still experiencing pain. Hope the reason is soon discovered and can be controlled!

I was hoping that you were going to find FIL much improved upon your return. Now that you are home maybe you and DH will be able to ferret out the reason for his pain. Glad to hear that you are enjoying the sunshine