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Friday, August 6, 2010

eH linked me up with a certain frog and we hit it off, meeting for the first time for coffee. We sat and talked for about two hours there on the patio. Once that was over, he asked to see me for a movie that Saturday and I agreed.

Saturday came and he calls to say that his twin brother is coming along to eat and see the movie with us. Ok, cool. The more the merrier! What could happen with twins in a movie theater? Shhh...don't answer that!

I head to the mall and meet the guys at the food court. I have to admit that the brother was cuter than the original twin I was matched with ;). We all eat dinner together and to my suprise, the brother is asking more questions about me than the original twin. I think, well, he's just testing what his brother has already told him.

At the theater, I sit in between the two of them! I guess I should take the time to describe them so that you get the full effect. Both 6'4", brown wavy hair, blue eyes, nice frames, gorgeous arms, raspy voices, funny, and they don't look exactly alike...I could definitely tell them apart. Ok, so I'm sitting in between the two feeling like a real pimp. I rested both my hands on each leg waiting to see if one would grab my hand. And I waited and waited. The original twin sat with his arms folded while the brother was sitting pretty comfortably, legs out and open, arms rested at his sides. It was tough to pay attention to the movie! Am I a bad person for liking his brother more? His body language is saying "no way I'm into her". He can't be THAT cold! I'm a chick in a short sleeve T and I freeze in theaters...except for this time when I'm blushing head to toe wondering if I'm the object of two brother's affection.

After the movie, the original twin walked me out and hugged me. Said he would call the next day (blowoff). Hmmm...ok, "can your brother call tomorrow", I thought.

A couple weeks go by not hearing a word. Did I fail the twin test? Just then, the phone rings! It's a text from an unknown number asking how I liked the movie. It was the movie we had all seen together. So I ask who it is. I get back the name of the brother of my match. Then, a phone call comes in! It's him! He's asking me to come out with the original brother and watch UFC for the evening. I'm in!!!

I throw on my new spagetti strap dress, braid my bangs back, throw on some perfume, and of course some rocking shoes!! I meet the twins out and watch UFC. Again, twin brother is sitting closer and talking to me more and more, making sure that I'm comfortable and have anything I want. The original twin's zoned out. Got it! He's just not that into me. But what's the deal with the brother hitting on me so blatantly? Is this their game? Am I still being tested? The twin who likes me sure is cute!

After the fight, the cute twin asks me to stay and hang out with him a little longer. The original twin jets, but gives me a hug and is very nice leaving. I got out of twin frog that the original twin frog was seeing a bunch of people and was interested in a few of them more than me. Cool! No harm, no foul.

For a couple of weeks, twin frog and I hang out quite frequently and get along great! One Saturday night, I invited him to come over and stay so that we could go to church early in the morning. I had two rules for my place which I made VERY clear to him: 1- he is not to go into my refrigerator. I had not cleaned it out and it was stacked with leftovers and general nastiness. 2-he was not to go into my laundry room because that is where I kept my overflowing trash. Don't judge! I'm a single girl living on the third floor and I HATE, HATE taking out the trash!

Anyhow, he's up early Sunday and says that he's going to get coffee and breakfast for us. We eat and get ready for church. While I'm in the bathroom getting ready, he comes in and suddenly has to leave and go home. Says that he needs to check on his dog and will meet me at church. No biggie, I understand.

Well, parking at church is a mess that day! I have to park across the street, probably half a mile (no lie)! I'm wearing my brand new peep-toe, strappy, nude patent leather shoes that I just got. I named them my "congratulations on your new job shoes"...yes, my shoes my names sometimes...no judgment! I am none to happy by the time I get into church! It's 95 and I am already sweaty and blistered from the half mile walk in my new shoes! He texts that he's already in a pew. WHAT? How am I supposed to find you in a congregation of over 3000 people? FINE! What row? What are you wearing? He's in a back row wearing a blue shirt and black pants. Guess what day it is at Stonebriar church? Blue shirt and black pants day!! So, I'm standing there scanning the crowd looking for a wave or a friendly smile. The ushers are hurrying me along and probably are praying for my soul since I look so upset and in pain from the shoes!

Ah, there he is! Excuse me, Excuse me! I sit down next to him and pat him on his leg whispering, "it's hot out there". Not a look over or a response. Ok, fine, don't talk in church! The remainder of the service goes on this way. As we're leaving, I decide that I'll walk as quickly as possible and if the frog can't keep up with my blistered stiletto-wearing legs, he is a le-who-se-her! He manages to keep up, probably because I couldn't walk any faster than a snail on a skateboard and he explains that he's tired (wah) and wants to spend the day alone. Ok, fine! Go be alone and sleep!

I make the trek back across the street wanting to remove these shoes and cry on the way back to my car. I manage to make it back without doing either until I sit down and he drives by and waves. WTH? You were still here and didn't offer to give me a ride? I'm no princess-type, but that's no way to treat this lady!! I was P-I-S-S-E-D. I had a paper to write that day, but instead I decided to head out to my parents. I could cry on the way and then chill without having to be alone.

About halfway through the trip and 3 sessions of "Nothing Compares" by Sinead O'Connor, twin frog is calling. I try and will myself "NO answering. He's tired (wah)". But my inner evil twin answered. Of course nothing good came of the convo. He explains that he was tired (again...rerun) and wants to know if anything is wrong. Like any woman with a grudge, I reply "no, I'm fine".

Monday comes and it's my first day at my new job! Nothing from Mr. Frog. Interesting! Not how I'd act if my new interest was starting a job. That night, he texts "we need to talk about your refrigerator" out of the blue. In shock because I'm in the middle of writing a paper about Management, I reply "You looked in my fridge when I specifically told you not to? What else did you get into?"

We go back and forth and he's trying to turn it around on me that I'm "assuming" that he looked in there. Finally, I say "there's nothing wrong with my refrigerator magnets. We wouldn't be discussing those. I can't trust someone that can't respect me or my boundaries, rules, or privacy."

What's the most ridiculous response you can think of? See if this compares..."How can I help. Do you have a problem with hoarding or depression?" Yes, that's right! The frog thought since he snooped and saw some stuff that I had a problem. I guess he expected me to just fall into his arms begging for help. Instead, I said that it was nice knowing him but that I was over it and not to call me anymore.

I wish that was the end of that frog story! Instead, I gave another chance. I often do, but this time I was hesitant. For good reason, but I listened to others who thought "everyone deserves a second chance." A saying that I knew from experience wasn't true. Some people just don't!!! So, here's my second chance, meeting him for dinner and a massage from him. He was a massage therapist! I wasn't just gonna' get some frog action from him people!

Well, that day comes and goes without hearing from him. I send a few question marks via text and I get a return text that says "Question marks are childish! If you want to talk to me, you can call."

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You asked me out! You were begging ME for a second chance! I should call you? Oh no, no! No sir! He calls a little while later and gets on my case about not coming over. Hold up, frogs-a-lot! You asked me out and then ditched me! When, exactly, was I supposed to assume that that meant come on over? I gave in and went over. That would be my last straw, my last hoorah and I would know for sure!

When I pick up my phone in front of him, the most logical explanation (for him) is that I am seeing another guy. He proceeds to accuse me of seeing other men and states his reasoning. Pretty good reasons, but I can't say that they're true! Most importantly, THERE'S NO WE! We aren't together!

As he's sitting watching the movie, I quietly get up, get my purse and leave. I didn't say goodbye. I didn't hug him. I didn't throw the bird up even. I was out! No tears, no looking back. As I like to say lately, you can't fix crazy! Apparently, leaving in that fashion wasn't clear enough for him and he continued to text and call for up to a week later until he finally "got the hint" and texted that he'd "leave me alone." I wanted to respond SO BADLY, "thank you" but I withheld my joy.

I learned afterward that a friend of my mother's was married to a twin when I was younger. She said that she would never date or marry a twin again! They have a connection to each other like nothing else. I can understand that! They share a uterus, or at least a womb together and then grow up their whole lives possibly being dressed alike and doing things together all the time.

These twins still lived together in a house their parents bought for them. They drove matching Toyota Priuses. Apparently shared eH dates. I hope they shared their anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, too!