Many people think that your body’s physical desire for sex motivates sexual activity, which leads to sexual arousal and then orgasm. Although this may be true for most men, it’s not necessarily true for most women. Many women have different motivators and stimuli that make them feel aroused and desire sex but they also have different factors that dampen their desire.

For many women, particularly those who are older than 40 or who have gone through menopause, physical desire isn’t the primary motivation for sex. A woman may be motivated to have sex to feel close to her partner or to show her feelings.

What it means to be sexually satisfied differs for everyone. For example, some women say the pleasure of sexual arousal is sufficient, while others want to experience orgasm. If you have concerns about your sex life, or you just want to find ways to enhance it, a good first step is talking with your partner.

It is not always easy to talk about your sexual desires; however, your partner can not read your mind. Sharing your thoughts and expectations about your sexual experiences can bring you closer together and help you experience greater sexual enjoyment. To get started:

Admit your discomfort. If you feel anxious, say so. Opening up about your concerns may help you start the conversation. Explain to your partner if you feel a little shy about discussing what you want, and ask for reassurance that your partner is open to the conversation.

Start talking. Once you begin the discussion, your confidence and comfort level may increase.

Set a time limit. Avoid overwhelming each other with a lengthy talk. By devoting 15-minute conversations to the topic, you might find it easier to stay within your emotional comfort zones.

Talk regularly. Your conversations about sexual experiences and desires will get easier the more you talk.

Use a book or movie. Invite your partner to read a book about women’s sexual health, or recommend chapters or sections that highlight your questions and concerns. You might also use a movie scene as a starting point for a discussion.