Here’s Why You Should Stop Writing ‘RIP’ Posts On Social Media When Someone Passes Away

When somebody’s loved one passes away it is a terrible time for them and the family. Not only do they have to cope with the shock, but they have to deal with the doctors to discuss death certificates and autopsies, funeral homes, and so on. Real things, important things, time-sensitive, urgent things.

all images and quotes from Upworthy

One woman who lost her spouse was dealing with the grief and the stress when she received a phone call that made things even worse.

Immediately after the death she was in a haze. Tanya Dunn Johnson shared her story on UpWorthy. She said:

“At 9:47 a.m., while speaking to a police officer (because yes, when your spouse dies, you must be questioned by the police immediately), one call did make it through. I didn’t recognize the number. But in those moments, I knew I should break my normal rule and answer all calls. “He’s dead??? Oh my God. Who’s with you? Are you OK? Why am I reading this on Facebook? Taya, what the heck is going on?”

Facebook? I was confused. I hadn’t been on Facebook since the day before, so I certainly hadn’t taken the time in the last 90 minutes to peek at the site.

“I’ll call you back”, I screamed and hung up. I called my best friend and asked her to search for anything someone might have written and to contact them immediately and demand they delete it. I still hadn’t spoken to his best friend, or his godsister, or our godchild’s parents, or a million other people! Why would someone post it to Facebook SO FAST?”

She felt hurt, annoyed and betrayed.

Should their be rules for social media grieving? Why should the news of the death be reported on Facebook when close family and friends didn’t even know. Surely this is a little insensitive?

Via Google

It turns out there is actually a hierarchy of grief. This is something that is impossible to understand unless you’ve been through it…

A lot of people either don’t understand or understand it. But it’s actually really important.

There is a hierarchy of grief.

Hierarchy is defined as a system or organization in which people or groups are ranked one above the other according to status or authority, and an arrangement or classification of things according to relative importance or inclusiveness.

But when it comes to grief? How should we react?

Tanya says: “When someone dies — whether suddenly or after a prolonged illness, via natural causes or an unnatural fate, a young person in their prime or an elderly person with more memories behind them than ahead — there is one universal truth : The ripples of people who are affected is vast and, at times, largely unknown to all other parties.”

When somebody dies it often hits us hard and makes us think about how lucky we are to still have our own lives. Most people want to express their love for the the lost one by showing their support to the family and friends left behind.

Via Upworthy

Before Facebook and social media we would send phone calls, voicemail messages, and flowers – the whole thing was a lot more private.

Now these gestures of support come in the form of Facebook posts, Instagram photo collages, and short tweets.

However, after her own experience, Tanya says: “Give the immediate family or circle a little time to handle the immediate and time-sensitive “business” related to death. In the minutes and early hours after someone passes away, social media is most likely the last thing on their minds. And even if it does cross their mind, my earlier statement comes into play here.”

What do you think about this? Should we leave out the RIP posts and opt for a more private approach? Watch the clip below to find out more about the grieving process:

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