It's what I do. It served me well in the scholastic setting. Its benefits are questionable in real life. If it gets on your nerves, you're not alone. Most of the time it gets on my nerves too. But I'm stuck with me, so I decided to exercise some of it here.

8/22/11

Customer Service Lady at Kroger who insisted on "helping" me do the self-checkout lane, acting as if those lanes are in any way helpful or suitable for a pregnant mother of a toddler: When are you due?

Me: End of September

Kroger Lady: There's no way you'll make it that long....

Me: (In my mind)--thanks for your expert opinion--how 'bout you put a little hop in your step and help me get out of your 100 degree grocery store quickly...

Later the same day, I went in to grab more Tums at Walgreens....

Walgreens checkout lady whose tone was very kind: How are you today?

Me: I'm doing okay (with a smile).

Walgreens lady: You don't look ok.

Me: Another smile

Walgreens lady: You look miserable....

Me: I am. (I don't know why, but I smile again).

And finally, the YOUNG checkout lady at Hancocks who both greets you and checks you out

Hancocks girl: (As I'm turning around to walk down the aisles, toddler-free in a store and reveling in it) I mean, from the back you don't even look pregnant. You don't have any fat rolls or anything. (She turns to the lady who walked into the store after I did) Isn't she cute? She doesn't even look pregnant from the back....

Me: (You can be sure I've turned back around to face the girl seemingly obsessed with how I look from the back. I glance at the random lady who has been pulled into this awkward conversation): Care to take a look? (I'm smirking more than smiling by this point)

I finally manage to walk off only to encounter her again when I check out.

Hancocks girl: When are you due? Can I touch your belly? I just love pregnant bellies. Where's her head, I can't tell what I'm feeling.....

Me: Oh, um, sure. That stuff smeared on my shirt is my toddler's snot. He has a cold--fair warning. I think she's actually down here...

Hancocks girl: Oh, I'm doing my nursing school clinicals. A cold is no big deal to me. Oh, yeah, there she is...ahhh.

Me: (To myself): Wow.

If I were following the writing rules, I'd have to stop here, and save my mini-"discussion" below for another post. It doesn't contribute to my topic sentence / thesis statement / title / or whatever you want to call it. But, no one is paying me to write correctly, and no one is grading this, so today, I'm writing incorrectly. Now that I have that out of the way:

A nurse who works with kids, who we'll assume understands the germ theory, thinks it's no big deal for her to catch a cold. Does she get it that she can then give it to the kids she is working with in her clinicals? Not comforting. I bet their parents don't feel as laissez faire about it. I guess she hasn't heard the one where the kid gets a cold, gets a sinus infection, takes an antibiotic, gets C-diff, spends the next month and a half on a strong antibiotic to get rid of THAT infection, fighting digestive distress and diaper rash the whole time. Clearly not dying of cancer, but not a fun day either way.....

I guess she never gave birth to a child while she had a cold. I didn't think it was fun. I'm hoping not to do that again. I had to be on oxygen the whole second half of my labor / delivery when S went into respiratory distress, I'm still convinced that part of it was because I wasn't getting any oxygen because of my horrible "just a cold." Not to mention cold meds aren't exactly recommended for a solid foundation of you and your newborn's nursing relationship.

I should have asked what nursing program she was enrolled in and if they have completed the part about "how germs work" or co-morbid disease issues. Pregnant moms of toddlers don't want to be told any illness is "just a fill-in-the-blank"--especially the ones who have a little experience with those ailments.

...And apparently during her OB rotation they taught her that back fat rolls indicate pregnancy "from behind."