I have a question about quantitative finance. Use one of the online forums including my bulletin board.

Can I do a masters in financial engineering at Melbourne? No. You can do one at Monash, however.

Are you taking PhD students? I have too many already. I may take some
more but only if some of the current ones graduate and you are really
really good.

Is there funding for PhD students? Yes. If you have a good first class
honours degree and are Australian you can get an APA. If you have a
very good first class honours degree you can get a Melbourne Research
Scholarship.

Do you take long distance masters or PhD students? No.

Do you take part-time PhD students? No. The completion rate for such
students is too low for it to be sensible.

Do you still teach at Oxford? No.

When will your next book be finished? I am not writing any books at the moment.

Can I be your facebook friend? If we haven't met in person or you are
taking one of my classes become a "facebook
fan" instead.

How many children do you have? I have 5 sons born in 2003, 2005, 2006, 2008 and 2010.

How do you interface C++ with VBA? I have no idea. Search the software
forum on wilmott.com.

I have worked out how to interface C++ with VBA, would you like to see
the code? No.

Why do you recommend wannabe quants learn C++? This is what most quant
teams use.

Are there any plans to release your books electronically? No.

Why do you work in a university and not a bank? It's more fun working
on long-term projects that interest me than doing short-term
firefighting. I still do consultancy and so I am somewhere in between.

Why do you live in Melbourne? My wife is from Melbourne.

Is a PhD necessity for a quant? No, but it's very hard to break into
quant without one.

What sports do you like to watch? None.

What do you do in your spare time? I'll let you know when I
have some.

What do you drink? Good champagne when I can get it.

Can you give me an internship? No.

Were you surprised that things went badly wrong at RBS? No, but I was surprised that it went as badly wrong as it did.

Could you have stopped things going so badly wrong at RBS if you had stayed? No! Anyone who asks this vastly overestimates my influence. (This probably belongs on the jokes page!)

Will you reply to my message? You can increase the probability of a response by following these instructions

make sure my e-mail address is the only one in the To box

start the e-mail with "Dear Mark" or "Dear Professor Joshi"

write in English using no text-speak. (If you are Francophone and know little English, French is acceptable.)

make sure that the FAQs above do not direct your question elsewhere

message me precisely once -- do not send your e-mail to multiple addresses

have patience, sending me multiple e-mails on the same topic without waiting for a reply sends you back to the bottom of my priority queue

message me only by e-mail sent to mark at markjoshi.com, do not use other addresses or private message systems on online forums or networks

include your full name and affiliation

Why is your FAQ list so fearsome? properly directing queries saves both of us a lot of time. It is not intended to apply to people who know me personally. It has successfully reduced the amount of inappropriate e-mail that I receive.

Who do you support in the boat race? As a holder of degrees from both Oxford and Cambridge, I only celebrate when both boats sink!

I am one of your students and I'd like to buy you a present to say thank you. That's very kind, but please don't buy me any presents until you are no longer a Melbourne University student and please familiarize yourself with university's gift policy first.