Some marriages are confronted head-on with an obvious and devastating conflict, creating a crisis situation. But many marriages erode from within, fueled by debilitating lies. These lies are rooted in ignorance, selfishness, and fear. Assumptions about your mate and his or her intentions can produce bitterness and frustration in your heart. Left unchecked, they will rob you of joy and erode your marital bond. But for lie, there is a corresponding and liberating truth capable of sparking a marriage renewal.

Five Lies

Your internal dialogue shapes your heart and actions. Can you relate to any of these thoughts?

Your spouse doesn’t care about you or your needs – Seeds of bitterness are in your heart.

Some relationships just aren’t meant to work out – Doubt creeps into your mind.

There is too much pain and bitterness to renew your marriage – Defeat overwhelms your spirit.

Making a fresh start with someone else would be easier – A glimmer of false hope entices your imagination.

If your spouse would change, then everything would be better – Self-centeredness blinds you to the real problems.

Bitterness, doubt, defeat, false hope and self-centeredness will exchange your gentleness for gruffness. Overtime, a wedge can be driven between your hearts and a widening gap appear in your relationship.

Five Truths

The lies that you rehearse in your mind, must be counteracted with truth. Consider the following statements of truth about your relationship.

You and your spouse are both children of God– Identity comforts your heart.

The Power of Marriage Renewal

The battlefield in your marriage is not an obvious one, it is a battlefield of the mind (Ephesians 6:11-12). You must counteract lies with truth. Throughout your relationship, you will encounter multiple times when you are in need of marriage renewal. Your marriage will need reflection and refreshment. During these times, you are faced with a choice:

Choice 1: Believe lies that set my heart against my mate and toward my own selfishness

Choice 2: Assume the best about my mate and embrace the truth of God’s goodness, marriage’s value, and the hope and power of marriage renewal.

Truth sets you free from the lies (John 8:31-32), equipping you to pursue marriage renewal with vigor.

The content in this post is adapted from our upcoming book (available on Amazon September 2014):

The Phoenix Marriage– Your most important earthly relationship can be restored, renewed, and reborn.