With each passing day the Pairs skating scandal grows, it has become blindingly obvious that the French judge's vote was fixed against Jamie Salie and David Pelletier. Justice must be done, and we can do it by invoking the Monroe Doctrine!

I was able to watch Jamie Salie and David Pelletier skate in the finals competition on my new, flat screen Magnavox with stereo sound, and I was quite entranced. Normally, I'm with the Americans all the way, being the patriotic sort, but since no Americans had a chance for a medal, I was rooting for Jamie and David, they're cute, and they're our Canadian natives, which makes them almost as good as an American.

Their performance was flawless, nary a mis-skate or flubbed landing to be seen. Their costumes were a little boring, but as most Canadians prefer understated things, it was to be expected.

Contrast this with the Russkis. While Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze had better costumes and perkier nipples (Elena that is), I noticed several landing flaws and a generally unsmooth performance. Any objective viewer would have rated them a silver.

But the fix was in. The dang French, eager for any chance at a medal, made a deal with the Russians to give the Russian a gold in exchange for support at a later event. What a crock, what a mockery of Olympic values.

Fortunately, the Olympics were held in America, so we have a solution, the Monroe Doctrine. In short, America has a long history of declaring the western hemisphere to be under the United State's sphere of influence, to be kept free of European meddling. France and Russia are both in Europe, and their vote-peddling sounds like meddling to me.

Due to President Bush's foresight, we have plenty of troops in Utah. I suggest with, using the Monroe Doctrine as precedent, occupy the Olympics, arrest the French and Russian skating judges, and award the gold medal to Salie and Pelletier. The international community may be a little upset, and even the Canadians may protest, but you know deep down those hosers would really appreciate our fighting their battles for them.

So, when a european nation holds the next olympics, does that mean we can do the same thing?
And this does tell us what you were watching the olympics for-
"While Elena Berezhnaya and Anton Sikharulidze had better costumes and perkier nipples"

The difference is.... (none / 0) (#5)

by Anonymous Reader on Wed Feb 13th, 2002 at 08:38:30 AM PST

We have the power to do two things. Both keep your out or arrest you here, and force our way into any Olympics anywhere else. I'm all for invading France or any other country that tries to keep us out of the games. In fact, perhaps that should be an event. Country invasion, sounds good to me.

As a brit with a keen sense of history, I've noticed this worrying trend: we were doing fine when we were at war with france, but when we allied with them we went to the shitter PDQ. And i reckon that if we had allied with germany in WWI, then the US would not have been attacked and brought into the war. Germany would have won, and the treaty of Versailles would not have been brought into force and WWII would probably never have happened. France was one our biggest mistakes. I don't think they're part of NATO, even

The French retain political membership in NATO (to be protected against 'unprovoked aggression') and coordinate some military activities with the Alliance. It's sort of a "enjoy the advantages of alliance membership without shouldering any of the responsibilities" deal. Typical? C'est pas a moi de juger...

If European history is any indication, some time soon someone is going to invade one of the worthless little countries over there and lay your cities to waste, might as well be the good ol US of A. At least you won't have to worry about paying back the loans we normally give you for the rebuilding effort, we will already own it all anyway.

Nobody cares what you, the people, think. What matters is the bizarrely contrived opinion of a small number of politically motivated judges. Sheesh. You'd think that USians of all people would have got the message on this one.

... the worst tempered and least consistent of the adequacy.org editors... now also Legal department and general counsel, adequacy.org

We Yanks are certainly used to being judged and treated unfairly because of our nationality, but just about everyone loves Canadians. I'm not screaming for justice on behalf of any American's that got robbed, because we have come to expect jealous foreigners to back stab, assault and ridicule us in an safe forum they have.

But Salie and Pelletier aren't Yanks, they're Canadians. Can you think of a more innocous, more polite nationality? I know that inside they're seething about this injustice, but are far too polite and sportsman to take the action that needs to be done.

So, as a good neighbor, I say we fight the Canadians battles for them, they'll be grateful on the inside.

gcc is to software freedom as guns are to personal freedom.

Of course we are. (1.00 / 1) (#13)

by Anonymous Reader on Wed Feb 13th, 2002 at 03:40:40 PM PST

America has been shagging us up the arse for years now. You're just pissed that someone else got to bitchslap us first this time.

I Am Canadian (2.50 / 2) (#25)

by Anonymous Reader on Fri Feb 15th, 2002 at 08:11:26 AM PST

I am canadia french person who like raunchy pussy. I fuck much moose and beaver anus and cunt holes. We all like to watch hockey, even moreso if they is naked. We invented the computer and stapler and thoes american fucks stoled our inventions.
Fuck Them~~~~
You havent had real sex till you've layed into a beaver and shot your jizzum into it's tiny little cunt or anus hoe.

The French are a disgusting people. (5.00 / 3) (#4)

by Anonymous Reader on Wed Feb 13th, 2002 at 08:35:48 AM PST

We should have seen this coming. It is a sad comment on civilization that they are allowed to have a "country" --which from my evidence is nothing more than a muddy hole where the French Wallow.

True ! (none / 0) (#21)

by Anonymous Reader on Fri Feb 15th, 2002 at 02:15:37 AM PST

And I would give a special mention to La Fayette and Tocqueville.

as a lesbian ... (5.00 / 1) (#8)

by Anonymous Reader on Wed Feb 13th, 2002 at 11:07:47 AM PST

i envy female figure skaters for never having to fend off sexual advances from their male skating partners.

That is all. Except that I dont see what the brouhaha is all about; the French certainly deserve to control that sport.

The most disturbing factor.... (4.00 / 1) (#11)

by Anonymous Reader on Wed Feb 13th, 2002 at 11:58:27 AM PST

There is no mention of Tony Hawk in this whole thread. I know from watching MTV all 14 years of my post-womb life that he is the greatest skater on the face of the planet. He won the X-games like I dono 400 times. Where was he? Was he letting other people win? I dont think so...
I think this goes much deaper than some vote sharing. I think the French have Tony locked up somewhere and they are feeding him horrible rotten cheese and old grape juice. Basdards!

Figure Skating SUCKS anyway (none / 0) (#14)

by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 14th, 2002 at 12:19:55 AM PST

OK, first of all, Figure skating is lame. Skiing is KIND OF a sport. Snowboarding is fun, but NOT a sport. Fotball is a sport. Baseball? A sport. Soccer is also a sport, just like rugby and basketball, and swimming (kind of).

Do you see a patttern here? None of the activities I talk about are lame. It's you against the clock, or your team against their team, maybe with like a referee just to call fouls and stuff, make sure nobody's kicking anybody in the nads (notice I didn't say NUTS, as I am enlightened and am like giving props to chick sports).

OK. So. Figure Skating: No teams, no like foul lines or finish line or like penalty box. Figure skating is like you have JUDGES who vote on who does the prettiest pirroette and like sissified crap (notice I didn't say GAY cause I'm not a homophobe, some fags are cool and stuff so don't go accusing me of being all narrow minded) like that. That's NOT SPORTS: that is like a dog show or something. Forget figure skating. It doesn't count. It's like getting a medal for having the hairiest schnauzer (which is like cool and stuff, I'm not prejudiced against like DOGS, but it's not sports).

So OK? No need to get 18th century on anybody's ass. We just need to IGNORE the lame non-sports like figure skating or gymnastics, and we can then pay attention to real sports like biathlon and hockey. And short-track speed skating: that sport RULES. God, I could watch that all day: those 4-man pileups, ha!

Why figure skating is not a sport (none / 0) (#17)

by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 14th, 2002 at 12:40:56 PM PST

>>Figure skating is like you have JUDGES who vote on who does the prettiest pirroette

Figure skating is NOT a sport, IMO. Nor, as you mentioned, is snowboarding. Why? I think a sport must be measured objectively -- not with JUDGES who make subjective calls. Who scored the most points, jumped the highest, ran the fastest, lifted the most, etc. Figure skating doesn't count.

Bah. You call those "sports?" (none / 0) (#18)

by Anonymous Reader on Thu Feb 14th, 2002 at 07:09:09 PM PST

Those effete activities you refer to as "sports" are mere children's games, governed by "referees" and "umpires" prancing about in silly little uniforms and fussing over "official rules." How can you watch that crap?

Give me real sports, like Duelling, Bare-knuckle Boxing, Big Game Hunting, or Cockfighting. The "sports" you praise are lame, dude.

I used to enjoy the fine sport of Warfare until they adopted that ridiculous "Geneva Convention." I mean, War with rules?

Go on, go lap up your "sport" of soccer, where the "players" can't even use their hands. You make me sick.

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