Wednesday, February 26, 2014

On Infinite Moments & Happiness

There are these moments in my life that I wish
I could just freeze and live in forever. These moments where all my senses are
in perfect harmony, the sounds, the smells, the sights all coming together in a
way that fills me with this sense of never-ending happiness. It is almost
indescribable. I love these moments, I call them ‘infinite moments’ and
although they are rare, they are perfect in their completeness.

This isn’t to say I am rarely happy. If
anything the reverse is true. I truly am a happy person. But these ‘infinite
moments’ almost transcend happiness, it is in these moments that I really am “living
in the moment” and experiencing all the best parts of life.

One of my favorite ‘infinite moments’
happened in 2001, at the end of my freshman year of university. Some high
school friends came up to make the drive home with me, heralding my triumphant
return to my parent's house, after successfully navigating a whole 9-months of
living on my own – albeit in a dorm room with 3 other girls.

We packed into my blue VW beetle, which was
stuffed with dorm remnants, two full-sized college boys and me. We were
cruising down 9th Ave., taking the back roads, when Summer Girls by
LFO came on the stereo. Immediately, our windows were down and our voices were
being carried through the orchards, creating an anthem of freedom and experience
and summer for us. We were grown-ups, driving in our cars, choosing our paths,
living our lives. It was amazing. I genuinely remember looking out the window
and thinking that this moment, with the radio blasting and the summer air
whipping around me, was one I would always remember, one that would live with
me forever, one that would be infinite.

Since then, and maybe even before then, I
have had more of these moments, although not many. Just a few, scattered
throughout 30 years of life. They always seem to have some poignant song that
comes on at just the right moment, adding the perfect amount of nostalgia to
the present, as it slips away becoming my past.

I had one of these moments just the other
day. B asked me to go on a boat ride in the gulf. I was hesitant because as
nice as the boat ride is, the set-up and cleanup almost never seems worth it to
me. I can totally see why owning a boat is not just simply buying one. But none
of this matters to B, all he cares about is the sense of freedom he feels when
he is out on the water; the wind, the waves, the hope of catching a fish, seem
to make him so much more content then anything else does. So I agreed to go.

We hooked the boat up, drove to the launch
and were ready in record time. B handed me the CD player and his phone and told
me to choose a song while he primed the engine. When it is just us, I almost
always choose a song by Kidrock or Roger Clyne, as those are the anthems of our
relationship, and this morning was no different. I scrolled though the music
and stopped at the first Kidrock album I saw, Born Free. I hit play and turned
the volume up. B hit the throttle and we shot out of the marina. And in that instance
I experienced another ‘infinite moment’.

There we were ripping through the waves with
Kidrock’s words ripping through the air around us:

Fast, on a rough road riding

High, through the mountains climbing

Twisting, turning further from my home.

Young, like a new moon rising

Fierce, through the rain and lightning

Wandering out into this great unknown.

And I don't want no one to cry,

But tell 'em if I don't survive:

I was born free!

It was perfect. B was driving,
savoring his sense of freedom and I was beside him savoring mine. We were
literally on the other side of the world from our homes, wandering out into the
great unknown. Kidrock was speaking to us, about us and if I could have, I
would have happily lived in that moment infinitely. But, of course, the song
ended, the boat slowed, and life continued. And although it is always sad to say
goodbye to something so wonderful, it’s happy too, because the only way I can
ever experience my next ‘infinite moment’ is by stepping out of this one.

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About Me

I love to wander. I have a fantastic new husband who is willing to go along for the ride. Our friends are scattered throughout the world, so there is always a smiling face to meet us when we land. I am very lucky and bursting with love. Someday (soon, I think) I will settle down, but not yet.