Tag Archives: mother’s love

I wrote recently about wishing that I’d been more confident when Harley came home. Not about how to do things, that comes with time, but more that I wish I’d had the confidence to know that I’m the best mommy for Harley, that I’m doing the right things for her and that I really do know what’s best for her (at least for now). While part of that comes with time and experience, it’s also aided or hampered by the people around me – just having people I know and trust tell me how they see I’m a good mom makes me feel more confident. Contrarily, when people question my decisions or outright undermine them, it can make me wonder if I’m a good mom or if they’re right. I’ve heard many people talk about signs that you’re a good or a bad mom, and I thought I’d throw my two cents in (or maybe a bit more).

It’s hard to know if you’re a good mom, mostly because everything we do as parents is so long term. Sure, your kid might thrive developmentally, or might show signs of being well adjusted, but you just won’t know how you did as a parent until months, years or decades down the line. There are some things you can pick up on along the way, and hopefully these help you when you have those moments of doubt. Or, at least I’ll have a post to come back and read when something makes me wonder it for myself. You know you’re a good mom if… Continue Reading

A year ago today, I was very pregnant, very uncomfortable and (unbeknownst to me) very sick. Tomorrow, we will celebrate Harley’s first birthday. It’s bizarre to think about, crazy to think back and wonder where the year went. I have so many things I want to write about her, how she’s changed and grown and all the rest to celebrate her birthday. But, on the anniversary of the last day I was a woman and not a mommy, I want to look back on all the ways a year of motherhood has changed me, but I think I can sum it up in one story.

Last night, I baked. This is a big thing for me, because I don’t normally bake. I’ve made the odd baking mix thing, and I’ve made cornbread/muffins from scratch, but I’m not one of those amazing women who knows how to whip up pancakes or scones or cakes or any other kind of baked goods. But, I knew I wanted a smash cake for Harley’s first birthday, and I wanted to be the one to make it for her, to introduce her to sugar and cake and all the rest. However, because I never bake otherwise, I figured I should test out the recipe I found so that her smash cake wouldn’t be a flop on the day. So, there I was last night, figuring out this whole baking thing, mixing and reading and wondering if I was getting it right. Harley started crying in the middle of it, so I was cracking eggs and measuring sugar while holding her on my hip. That, my friends, is motherhood. Continue Reading

When people ask, I say that my mom and I have always been close. It’s funny, though, when she and my father were going through their awful, drawn out divorce, we had tearful conversations about how hadn’t felt close when I was growing up. But then we went back and read our diaries and found at the time, we actually had always felt close – both writing about going for coffee together, visiting museums, and all our funny jokes that just we shared. Obviously, we had the usual dramas and tears that adolescence brought; at one point I even shouted “you don’t know me and I don’t know you” during a fight, only to laugh about it a couple hours later.

As I’ve grown into adulthood, we’ve stayed close. At some points growing closer together and at others further apart. But we always spoke, we always shared pretty much everything, and we have always based everything on the foundation of loving each other no matter what. Even when we disagree, we can usually at least see where the other person is coming from. We get each other in a profound way, and our relationship has been such a solid part of my life. And having Harley made things even more meaningful for me. Continue Reading

I have been staring at a blank screen for 5 minutes now. I had all sorts of thoughts and ideas that I wanted to write about what it feels like to have a 9-month old baby. But I managed to get her to take a nap, and instead of working furiously as usual when she sleeps, I’ve just been enjoying the quiet for a bit. Which I suppose is the biggest change, the biggest shift in who I am and how I see the world. Nine months down the line, and it feels as if Harley has brought a new version of me into the world.

I keep thinking about one aspect of time, over and over again. Harley came eight weeks early. I didn’t get the full nine months of pregnancy, I didn’t get to go into labor; I had a very unique jump into motherhood. And yet, in my head, pregnancy still lasts nine months. In my head, this month-iversary is an important one because it would normally mark a point when Harley would have spent as much time outside my body as she did inside. Of course, we already hit that point a couple months ago, Still, this feels like a milestone celebration. Continue Reading

On Thursday, it was time for the annual Disney Africa showcase. This is one of my favorite events every year. Sure, there are amazing game launches throughout the year, and an overseas trip for work is amazing, but staying local and doing the local event scene, Disney Africa has this down to an art. The Venue in Melrose is ideal for it – big enough to accommodate everyone without feeling too crowded or too empty. Plus, there is great food and a cool brand showing their stuff. It was to be my first morning out without Harley for more than half an hour or an hour.

Leading up to it, I was so nervous. Harley has been super clingy lately – it’s about the right timing for her to have intense separation anxiety as she understands that we are separate people now and wants me to always be around her. We play lots of peekaboo, and I always tell her that even when I go away, I always come back. I’ve been doing everything I can to try and help her understand this, but I’m not too sure it’s actually working just yet. Continue Reading