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WHO SHOULD I MARRY

8:05 am

As the world marked St. Valentine’s Day on the 14th of February 2015, a group of over 50 singles gathered at the basement of St. Andrews Anglican Church Kubwa under the supervision of the Vicar, Canon Samuel Akale and his assistants, Canon Babatunde Oyesina and Rev. Melford Ewurum to be enlightened on spirituality, relationships and career development.

The program tagged Singles Roundtable, the first of its kind in the history of the church is meant to introduce the young men and women to the basics of successful relationships thereby directing them on critical decisions to take in their spiritual lives, career and in considering who to get married to.

Welcoming the youths to the gathering, which has as its theme; Who Should I marry? Vicar, Samuel Akale drawing example from personal experience advised the gathering on the importance of pursuing their vision in the form of their careers early in life to avoid regrets later.
He described the present generation of young people as privileged as they are more likely to have the right education targeted specifically at their chosen career path unlike the older generation like him, that more or less embarked on their career journey on a trial by error basis.
Guest speakers, Mr. and Mrs. Friday Akpata were also present at the no holds barred meeting as several questions on the right wife and husband were deliberated and some conclusions reached.

First were the critical questions of who are you? Who should you marry? and why and when should you get married? As raised by Mrs. Akpata.
Various answers were thrown up by the singles, but let’s take a look at what the presiding officials had to say, first to answer was Canon Akale; according to him, marriage is consummated for the purpose of fulfilling the scripture, as it was instructed in the Bible that a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife.
He also said that marriage helps in the continuation of lineage as is believed in most African settings, he concluded by saying that marriage is the will of God, hence it is necessary that a man must get married.
In his reaction to the question, Rev. Ewurum agreed that marriage is the will of God and added that it is for men not boys, insisting that marriage is meant for only those that have come of age.

One of the guest speakers, Mr. Friday Akpata said marriage is not an all comers affair as there are standards to be met before a couple can get married, such as defining who you are before deciding on the kind of wife or husband to get married to, he posited that while fulfilling the will of God, companionship is also another major reason why a Christian should get married, the other being the satisfaction of sexual urge which he said is a natural phenomenon.

Mrs. Akpata rounded off the first segment of the interaction by giving her personal experience which she said is her reason for getting married; “I needed a companion, because I observed that I thrive more when I have a companion just as the bible says that it is not good for a man to be alone.
“There came a time in my life when I got tired of being alone, I was so bored that I prayed to God to give me a partner whose company I would enjoy, I am naturally a short tempered person and I needed a man that is patient, understanding and forgiving and that is exactly the kind of man God gave me” she concluded.

At the end of the first half of discussion on why should I marry? Several conclusions were reached as enumerated by Canon Babatunde Oyesina, the first being that it is the will of God that marriage be consummated, second being that it is the fulfillment of the word of God, it was also agreed that one should be matured both in age and character before contemplating marriage.
Companionship was also agreed as a major reason for marriage because by so doing, loneliness can be overcome, the last but not the least, it was agreed that satisfaction of sexual desire is a good reason why it is necessary that people get married, Canon Oyesina however sounded a note of warning to the singles that sex is only allowed under the institution of marriage.

Moving over the context of who should I marry?…One of the guest speaker, Mr. Friday Akpata narrated an experience of how he suffered two heart breaks from women he wanted to marry from a particular section of the country, now, the lesson in this was that he was led by personal desire in deciding who to marry and like he found out later, all that glitters is not gold.
When deciding who to marry, two key issues were raised; you should marry your FRIEND and a God fearing individual, this is very important as Canon Akale insisted that arranged marriages by parents are not always the best, speaking further, he said; “a broken courtship is very much better than a broken marriage”…this simply means if you don’t have a friend and a God fearing person as partner, then there is absolutely no reason going into marriage.

On his part, Rev. Ewurum believes that when a man is of age to get married, that is a very critical time to seek God’s face on the choice of a partner, according to him, when the face of God is diligently sought in this crucial time, God will certainly minister to the individual on the way forward.
In summary, it was agreed that when getting married, one should consider a friend who is a child of God, falling in love with an unbeliever is at the person’s risk.

Economic stability was also considered as a very critical factor, in as much as the youths were advised not to put money first in their choice of a partner, Canon Oysesina said that a man might not necessarily have the wherewithal in terms of finances to get married, but the fact that he has a job and prospects is enough to take the plunge.
Just as important is spiritual stability, Canon Oyesina went ahead to say that people who are not spiritually stable are like loose cannons that can wreck havoc not just on their families but on the society at large, he described spiritual instability as a situation where a Christian repeatedly deviates from his calling and tends to misinform people on whether he had been spoken to by God or just using his own intuition.
Last but not the least is emotional instability, this is a situation where a person tends to have mood swings (being happy and sad in a short period of time) sharing a home with these kind of people could result to mental torture and lead to a disastrous marriage.

At the end of the event, the obviously enlightened young men and women were poised for the next edition of the programme scheduled for the 18th of April 2015.
And on a lighter note, the best dressed couple award went to Miss Chinyereugo Juliet Berekwu and Mr. Shekari Amako, both led in the cutting of the programme cake.
Prizes were also given to the first twenty singles to arrive the venue of the programme.

Great advice all round!Great reasons to get married, they didn't mention the first one though, marriage is for more than companionship and sex, they are great, but when God brings two of His great people together, its for a mission, to fulfil purpose. To be formidable armies in His kingdom.If one person had been touching lives for God before, both persons will spread forth more of God's light.Mr Tobi of ijustmetme.com says correctly that every couple must have a mission statement. What will your marriage achieve in God's kingdom? In the grand scheme of heavens will on earth?

I wrote on couples and purpose before, you can read it below, it would help...

Thanks ify, this is really wonderful. Two things got my attention, the first is how do you know true christian born again as every body now claims to be one but when you get close to them you will prefer to be a pagan. The second is this issue of claiming to hear from God when the person is only hearing him of herself. So please how can one truly and sincerely know who is who and who is hearing what?

Firstly, when it comes to knowing a Child Of God. The Bible says that by their fruits you shall know them. You know people by their character, if they speak the word but do not live the word then you can question their claim.

Secondly, the issue of hearing from God varies from person to person. The truth is God speaks to us everyday, and most people believe that it is only in the issue of marriage that God speaks. The real question should be has this person ever heard from God in other aspects of life. The person might just be hearing himself or herself.