Dear short shorts…

__________________________

I will admit, despite my love for you, this is not a Valentine’s Day love letter.

You see, I have a bit of a gripe with you. It isn’t just me either, all my friends can back me up on where you fall short (pardon the pun). I feel our relationship is strained and I am on an uphill battle to nowhere. When we first began our relationship, way back when we were so young, things seemed to be going well. Now? Well, that is a different story…

I have to be forgiven for falling for your cute and playful nature at such a young age, you put it out there for the taking, and it is just so darn appealing. Let’s not even mention the way you make me feel, the way you make my legs look. Ok, I will… AH. MAZE. ING. The length, the height, the comfort – I can’t deny that you do some wonderful things. But, don’t let it go to your head.

I digress, this isn’t a letter to tell you how much I love you. Unfortunately, there are some fundamental flaws in your making that deem it near impossible for me to profess an undying love. My love for you is wavering. Temperamental perhaps? Why? I will tell you why…

You don’t have my ass covered when I really need you. I thought a good relationship was about being there for each other through thick and thin, having their back at all times, and certainly being there to cover their ass in those times of need. This, ahem, ‘shortcoming’ has made it hard too hard for me to trust you. Can I be sure that we are right for each other? Can I rely on you to arrive on my doorstep ready to live up to your duties? I mean, I know my ass needs a lot of covering – I do carry a lot of junk around in that trunk of mine – but being there for me when I need you is a founding basis of this relationship. Without it, I don’t know if it can go on.

I feel that, in order for us to rebuild our relationship, there are a few steps we must take.

You must have more substance. You aren’t that bad all the time, but without enough substance, you are nothing but a rag flapping in the wind

Be aware of how much I may require my ass to be covered because, unfortunately, there is no minimising the issue on my end

Be a little more flexible. Things change and we all need some extra room from time to time.

I hope you can understand, and one day soon we can go back to the place we were.