We're not having babies says Will

London, England. His Royal Highness, Prince William, has strenuously denied that he and the Duchess of Cambridge are preparing to establish a family. Recently seen nursing a subject's babe, Prince William was adamant that this didn't mean that he was becoming "clucky". "Look, for the millionth time, we're not, I repeat, NOT having a family. Well, not in the mean time. When I say mean time, I mean not within nine months or so, give or take a month. Okay, we'll have a family when we're good and ready. Not just now! Alright!!"

The Prince would not be drawn on the fact that they have been married a year now and should be considering extending the line of succession. "Really, you people have got little to do but annoy the bejesus out of us Royal folk. C'mon! Get a life!!" he complained.

The Duchess, for her part, refused to add anything to the conversation and just stood there knitting booties quietly.

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