If I’m getting back on the horse I might as well do the thing properly, right?

Duvet by Heather Desserud: Lovely stranded color mittens. My only problem is that I, like someone on a bboard I read, don’t like afterthought thumbs. My thumbs are on the sides of my hands, not on my palms below my index fingers. But the pattern’s great and the color choices appropriately wintry.

Fiddlers Three by Amy O’Neill Houck: Why in the name of all that’s holy would you knit gloves in worsted at less than 5spi? The decorative touches that are supposed to be part of the pattern’s appeal look clumsy at that scale. Also I don’t understand why anyone would do crochet cast-on by crocheting the chain alone and then picking up; it’s both easier and faster to crochet directly onto the needle where you don’t have to worry about picking up the right bumps. Fine idea, terrible execution.

Anqut by Laura Bryant: The good old sontag in modern form, beautifully executed in a set of gradient yarns. Those yarns are in fact the only quibble I have; apparently the set of eight colors used is on the order of $150US. Which is not completely out of line for 1,500 yards of hand-dyed laceweight, but it’s a bit of sticker shock.

Farrand by Audrey Knight: At first glance I thought this cowl was crocheted; the pattern used looks from a distance like some relative of the old reliable granny square. But it’s not, and the color choices are quite nice. “CO 200 with long-tail” is…sigh, but it’s not the designer’s fault that long-tail is a pain in the arse.

Erin Goes to College by Grace Akhrem: Holy gigantic stitches, Batman! But for a nifty scarf, that’s not a bad thing, and the construction here is interesting enough to be worth the knitting. As I don’t really wear scarves I’m not sure how practical it is, but it sure looks cool. Maybe in a slightly less dull color, though.

Snowberryby Amy Christoffers: OK, I know I said big stitches were OK, but I think 2spi is where I start drawing the line. Also, white pompoms on a winter outer garment seem like they’re just begging to get dingy, and why are you bothering with brioche in only one color? Go with Erin instead, this one is bleh (and would it have killed them to get a pic in which it didn’t look like the thing’s trying to strangle the model?)

Ashwood by Callista Yoo: I love the cables on this, but I admit I don’t see the logic in pairing that huge cowl-neck with short sleeves. Either it’s cold enough for the neck or warm enough for the sleeves; you can’t have it both ways. Worn over a long-sleeved t-shirt might work, I guess, but the model’s just got her bare arms hanging out. And look, designers of the world: it’s a valid choice to do a rolled edge, OK, but it has to look like you meant it to be a rolled edge, not like you just didn’t know how to stop stockinette from curling like that. Especially given that the edges of the sleeves thus completely fail to match the hems on the main body. This is not a total fail of a pattern, but it would need some serious tweaking.

Libertyby Sarah Louise Greer: Nice solid basic sweater with fun-to-work cables. I never argue with waist shaping and having neckline options is a great touch.

Colorado by Benjamin Krudwig: I really want to like this for the interesting details, but it honestly looks to me like the example garment doesn’t fit the model. It’s in danger of falling off his shoulders while simultaneously pulling at the buttons, not all of which appear to actually button–like the sweater was meant for someone 6 inches taller and 40 pounds lighter. (Speaking of buttons, why is one a totally different color?) It’s impressively difficult to screw up a classic raglan this badly.

Crockerdile by DH Morris: Tying with Pantashrooms and the very last pattern for “Most Knitty-Like Pattern In This Issue”, this one’s adorable. I’d never wear it myself, but for people of the correct bent it’s hilariously cool, and I really quite like the thumb-loops to make the sleeves into semi-mitts at will.

Cooped Up by Pam Sluter: Classic yoke sweater, though those chickens are a little less chicken-like than they’d be in my ideal world. Still, a perfectly competent, quirky interpretation of a wardrobe staple. One note: when you’re twisting yarns at the back to avoid long floats, don’t do it between the same two stitches every row or you end up with a little column of the contrast color showing through. It’ll probably work out with time and washing but it’s easier to just avoid the issue altogether.

Variations on Chart 429 by Merri Fromm: For all the source of the patterns is said to be “old”, this looks very modern and I’m very fond of the tailored neatness of the hems and other edges. There are, again, some visibility issues with catching long floats, but overall this is a great pattern.

The Werewolf ofWestportby Les Tricoteurs Volants: On a purely style note, someone needs to put a better eyeball on the thumbnails before posting, as this one manages to make it look like the model’s vomiting. That said, I have mixed feelings about the pattern itself. On the one hand, it’d be great fun to knit and it’s great for using up small lengths. On the other, it never feels unified. It really kinda looks like the designer just picked up whatever yarns were lying around and threw them into the mix. A valiant effort, but I’m calling this swing and a miss.

Rock Creek Canyon by Rachel Brockman: I hate that acid green with the tonal brown-gray; instead of looking like an accent, it seems to be trying to take over. With some other contrast color this is a good quick project.

Pantashroomsby Motoko Takahashi: Oooookay. Look. Quirky and whimsical are great, and if bloomers covered in vaguely-phallic mushrooms are really what you want, you do you. But really, what?

Toilet Paper Toilet Paper Cozy by Christine Olea: I have never understood the point of cozies for anything other than teapots where you want to physically keep the thing warm (hence the name), but hey, when the designer comes out and says “I love useless things”, rock on. It is at the very least funny.

I understand what Knitty is trying to do with their new format, but seeing an issue come out a day and a half after the Summer Solstice that has the word “fall” in the title is still a little jarring. But we work with what we’ve got, so here goes.

Creekbedby Stephen West: I am not a big fan of scarves, as a rule, because I tend to lose them (see also: hats, gloves, mittens…). However, purely as a piece of knitting I like how this works. And if I were in the mood to appreciate autumnal colors, I’d like those too. Anything in fingering weight is nice. So all told, a cute piece of work.

Dunes by Gena Wich: I don’t understand introducing your knitted piece with a paean to the fiber you spun for the yarn to knit it, but hey, perhaps I’m behind the times. It’s a perfectly nice shawl with an interesting, not too open lace pattern.

Rhodion by Elizabeth Freeman: Wow, so, first of all huge shawl is huge. The lace is incredibly complex and would be a heck of a challenge and a lot of fun to knit if I had any interest in having the shawl itself when I was done; perhaps what I need is to make more friends who wear such things? If for no other reason than you have to love something that starts from a provisional CO so it can be knit from the center out for perfect mirroring, and lace and cables in the same row, sometimes even the same stitches, is too cool.

Kuusk by Ashley Knowlton: Cute, pink, and handspun. I hate handspun in patterns, because it means I can’t have what’s in the picture if that’s what I want. Still, nice complex lace, so it’s not exactly pandering to the lowest common denominator.

Dragon Wing by Patti Waters: I don’t know. The shape of this thing is so weird, it will either be a smashing success that stays exactly where you put it, or it’ll fall off the instant you move, and there’s no way to tell before someone knits one. That someone is not going to be me, however, because I just don’t like it. I’m sure lots of people love it.

Pretty Twisted by Cat Wong: I…I’m torn. Clever way to use up short lengths it may be, but something in me just can’t warm up to the idea of a knitted bracelet. Perhaps if I think of them as fancy pulse warmers I’ll be able to deal.

Darrin by Laura Chau: OK, now, this is a nice basic sweater. I’d go for longer sleeves, but then I almost always do; short sleeves tend to leave me chilly. The color is kind of uninspiring, but that’s both easily changed and not necessarily a bad thing in a wardrobe staple. The only thing I really don’t like is the lack of any front closure besides the belt.

Leaflet by Cecily Glowik MacDonald: Oh look, more short sleeves. Still, a nice piece, and in this case I don’t mind the lack of front closure as much; the shaping will cause it to lie flat much better in this case. Now, that particular shade of yellow would make me look three days dead, but if I wanted to knit it anyway I’d just pick a different color. More short sleeves, alas, which probably means I won’t be worrying about it.

Undercurrent by Lisa Kay: Can someone explain the appeal of Noro yarns to me? The colors aren’t enough to make up for the feel of the yarn, which is invariably icky, and I’ve never seen a colorway that didn’t have at least one truly hideous color in it somewhere. Anyway, this is a nice basic cardigan pattern that uses a bunch of my least favorite tricks, including changing needle sizes for the ribbing. I hate that. Just increase stitches, for heaven’s sake. And it’s too bad it gets all its visual interest from the color changes in the yarn, because that makes it tough to sub something for the Noro. Ah well, the world is full of patterns.

Date Night by Nikol Lohr: I rather like the red version of this top, though I have no need whatsoever for a lacey tank. The two-toned brown-and-black version, however, is ugly, and having it on over a black tee does not make things better. I do like that she gives advice about what kinds of yarn to use to replicate the look if you want to sub.

Kindling by Terri Kruse: Hey, wow, a garment that’s not for adult women! Cute as all get out, too, though I imagine a lot of people would decide the cable and leaf motif made it “too girly” for a little boy.

Next up, no fewer than six sock patterns. Chasing Snakes, Gratitude, Lingerie and Inlay are just socks. Double Heelix has a neat construction method, but that’s all there is to recommend it. Bosnian is the kind of multicolored extravaganza I’d have a blast knitting, but then what would I do with the socks?

Tortora by Thelma Egberts: Cute hat. Despite the banner picture, there’s no dark yarn at the base of the bobbles; it’s just shadows. A neat effect, and fairly simple to knit for a lovely basic hat.

I Crocodile by Helen M Rose: Oh look, more Noro. In this case the colors are at least nice, but I can’t imagine wanting that stuff touching the skin of my forehead. If you can find another yarn to use, there’s no reason not to go for this hat.

Commuter by Stephanie Sun: I like the idea here, but something about these mitts looks a little off. Perhaps it’s because they’re in reasonably heavy yarn, and it’s my thin yarn snobbery coming out. I do like the bit that can be folded around the fingers for a little extra warmth when needed.

Morse Code by Kate Atherly: So, being the fan of steganography that I am, I really want to like the idea of a mitten with its name hidden in it. But I cannot for the life of me figure out the encoding for the dots and dashes, so my attempt to like is foiled by frustration. Still, nice warm mittens.

Victorian Baby Doll Ensemble, Part 1 by Franklin Habit: I am an utter geek about doll clothes, but I gotta tell you that is one unattractive baby outfit right there. Maybe it’ll look better once all the parts are done and on the doll?

Knitty went up yesterday afternoon, and didn’t get completely clobbered! Which is great. But the issue itself is…not so great, sadly. They’ve almost given up on articles, and the patterns are both relatively few and extremely uninspiring. Even Stitches in Time is, well, you’ll see.

Juliaby Jennifer Wood: I really want to like this. It’s got a sort of chiton, sword-and-sandal feel to it. Something about the execution is off, though, and I can’t tell what exactly the problem is. Perhaps it’s just that it’s so clearly a summer garment but can’t be worn alone; the neckline is way too deep, and the fabric isn’t opaque, so without something under it you’d be flashing the whole world.

Corrinneby Crystal Erb Junkins: This is the first of the patterns from this issue that is just boring. Not that there’s anything wrong with a nice, basic pattern, but usually Knitty is a little more adventurous and a whole issue full of nice basic patterns gets old. It’s a cardigan, with a yoke, in garter stitch. I shall wave a tiny flag.

Adelineby Heather Hoefle: A bolero for a coverup, OK, though it’s the second boring pattern of the issue. But I have never gotten the point of coverups with short sleeves. Maybe it’s because of my personal quirk, where I won’t warm up unless my elbows are covered, but I don’t see the point in something that’s going to leave me still chilly, especially given that the single button lives at about navel level and the thing looks like it’s about to slip off the model’s shoulders at any moment. It’s knitted in the world’s dullest off-white yarn, in stockinette. And just for fun, it’s in pieces and seamed. No thank you.

Rondeurby Mercedes Tarasovich-Clark: Very clever construction, but a whole lot of effort to end up with a not-very-flattering t-shirt. (Seems to me this is the same designer who had two of my least favorites in the latest Interweave Knits, too, which implies I just don’t like her style.) Short sleeves are a down-check, and I really don’t like the way the bust shaping hits on the model. Shirttail shaping on the hem is a cute touch, but it really doesn’t go with the rest of the look, in my opinion.

Daedalusby Jodie Gordon-Lucas: I can see where the designer was going with this, but it just doesn’t work. Way too much extra fabric hanging around; it might look nice when standing but it’s going to get all bunchy and annoying as soon as you try to sit down. It’s a great big rectangle with sleeves, about as wide as the wearer’s arm-span, and that’s just not practical; it’s an art piece, not a wearable garment. I do like the eyelet pattern and the lace on the collar and sleeves, though.

Make Up Your Mindby Julie Crawford: From the front, this is an OK piece, once you get around the fact that an openwork pattern on the bust means another ultra-summer garment that can’t actually be worn alone. I like the bands of different stitch patterns, though I have some misgivings about the wisdom of horizontal stripes on people who aren’t as petite as the model. But it’s a racerback, and I know of approximately three women who don’t hate racerbacks. (Also, there has got to be a prettier color in the yarn the designer used, but since yarn color’s easy to change I won’t complain too much.)

Amigaby Mags Kandis: The front bands are the interesting parts of this cardigan. They’re wider than usual, and pretty clearly picked up and knit perpendicular to the main body; the buttons are the kind where you wrap yarn around a ring. These things save the pattern from being boring as all-get-out. I don’t know if I’d want to use the suggested thick-and-thin yarn, but that is personal preference, and honestly the effect is quite nice.

OK, time for a digression. I get why people like knitting lace. It’s challenging, thus fun, and leads to a really pretty finished product. What I don’t get is the determination of designers that the finished product must then be worn, as a great big piece of fabric draped over the wearer. I am in the SCA; I have worn draped garments; you spend too much time trying to make sure that nothing falls off, gets caught in anything, or goes into your dinner to accomplish much that’s practical. Pretty lace pattern, great! Put it into a sweater. Or, you know, a doily. I guess a lot of people don’t have doily-type houses these days, but still. Sweater. If you don’t want to deal with fitting issues, there are ways around the problem.

Right. Digression over, back to your regularly scheduled rant review.

So Omelet’s pretty. It’s a pretty lace shawl. Next?

Lilahby Heather Storta: Another pretty lace shawl. I kinda like this one because the designer was inspired by a book I’ve read, and rather liked, that being the sequel to Sharon Shinn’s Archangel. And most people don’t do black for lace, so that’s a nice touch, and the manipulation of the lace motifs to give the desired effect is great.

Forest Ridge by Mary Formo: Lace, and not even big enough to have a prayer of staying on through its own weight. The yarn’s a lovely color, though.

Verdantby Susan Newhall: The technique on this one is quite cool. There’s a background yarn, with which you work all the stitches, and also a motif yarn which is only used where you want the motif. Therefore, on the motifs you’re knitting with both yarns at once; if you carry them correctly, you end up with the motif yarn mostly covering the background. It seems rather more fiddly than I’d want to deal with, but the basic idea is really neat. That said, I find the pattern kind of boring; it looks like rather like wallpaper from the era when stylized vines were cool.

Summer Neckerchief recreated by Franklin Habit: It’s a triangle. It’s so boring they don’t even show a picture of it laid out. And it’s intarsia to boot. I expect better pattern choice out of Franklin.

IK had a promotion about six months ago with a special price for a year of the magazine, so I said sure and sent them a check. Months later, I wasn’t even certain I had actually sent the money, because no issues of the magazine had showed up. Saturday, though, at long last–several weeks after the issue hit the shelves–my spring Interweave Knits finally arrived. So here we go!

The only article I found memorable is the one on picking colors for Fair Isles-type colorwork. It seemed like a pretty good overview for easing people in to the process without being intimidating. And it dispensed with all the color wheels and split complimentaries and rigamarole that your average color-basics source has; this is a mixed blessing, because it makes things simpler while also leaving all sorts of room for color schemes that just don’t go. Still, worth having.

On to projects.

Echoby Kristin Omdahl: Three cables, with dropped-stitch ladders between them, in a really really bulky yarn. It’s reversible, which is nice, and has buttons rather than being fastened in the möbius configuration. A nifty piece, and probably fun to knit, but not even kinda my style. You’d have to be way more boho than me to get away with it.

En Pointe Pullover by Alice Tang: This is close to being a nice sweater. It’s a fuzzy laceweight, which means it’s great for warmth without adding lots of bulk, and almost anyone looks good in coral so the color choice was good too. It even makes some stabs at a flattering shape. But there’s a huge drapey thing right over the center of the torso that ruins the whole effect unless you’re really skinny. And the drapey part is not optional; it’s knitted into the sweater and as it’s a pullover you can’t even unbutton or whatever. I think the designer decided to go for “interesting to knit” over “useful finished product”. Plus it’s cuff-to-cuff, which is just asking for all sorts of stretching out of shape in loose stockinette–though the fuzziness of the yarn might help avoid that.

V-Yoke Cardigan by Amy Cristoffers: In both the shots of this one, the transition between the front hem and the back is hidden by the model’s arm. I have to wonder if that’s deliberate, because the back is rather longer, like shirttail length, and it might look funny at the sides. That said, it’s got a nice deep V-neck that’s flattering for those of us of the ample persuasion, and the yoke construction looks neat from what I can glean out of the picture and schematic. Having points on the sleeves is a nice touch, too. I’d go with a color other than ashes-of-roses, myself, but I’m weird like that.

Gathered Front Tank by Mercedes Tarasovich-Clark: No one will look good in this. The construction is very clever, so that all the stitches radiate from a central half-length button band; that means that it’s all nice and baggy in the front, just where no one needs it. Nice green, though.

Heliotropic Pullover by Mercedes Tarasovich-Clark: I’m not sure how many people look really good in a very wide boat-neck with a broad yoke; the model’s doing an OK job but you get the feeling she’s reluctant to move her arms lest a shoulder make a break for it–SCAdians, think “really extreme cotehardie neckline” and you’ll have the idea. It looks as if that neckline might be impressively wide on me, and I’ve got shoulders like a three-quarter scale linebacker. I imagine it’d be salvagable with a little tinkering to add a few rounds at the beginning. Nice flattering orange, too, for those who can wear orange.

Swirl Crop Jacket by Andrea Babb: OK, again, coral is a good color, and a short jacket for transitional seasons is not a bad idea. I happen to hate big floofy necklines, however, and this thing really has one. If you don’t hate floofy necklines, it’s worth looking at.

Garden Plot Dressby Victoria Myers: A very cute dress for a little girl. Sleeveless, and I think I might carry the cream from the lace panels in the skirt up into the bodice a little more, but very cute. The shirt they have her wearing under it does not match in a really epic way, but she’s about 7; who cares? In the summer, it’d be wearable without a shirt under, but for spring the extra warmth is handy.

﻿﻿﻿Cranberry Island Throwby Amanda Scheuzger: There’s no actual intarsia going on in this, despite all appearances; you knit a central circle, then knit fairly short rows (but not, you know, short rows) around the edge of it, then do actual short rows to fill in the corners to make squares. Very fun construction. I might consider it, though I’d have to do something about the colors, which are painfully dull. (Also, as an aside: I possess a fairly epic last name, so I feel for the designer here. After a while you get to feel like your last name is “Scheuzger, that’s ess-cee-aitch…”)

Hourglass Pillowsby Daniela Nii: These are actual intarsia. Nifty mod effect; I don’t like them, because I don’t like mod. Others’ tastes may vary.

Rain on the Prairie Scarfby Maureen Hefti: I admit I don’t see the point of scarves that are so short they’re always in danger of slipping off. However, this one is a simple, pretty openwork pattern that I’m sure could be expanded if you liked it that much. The yarn’s very pretty, too, in shades of gold and brown.

Leaf and Picot Cardigan by Laura Grutzeck: There are no good shots of this, but the overall impression is reasonable. It’s hard to go wrong with a basic cardigan in an attractive lace pattern. The only thing I don’t like is the color; it’s yellow, which is hard for many people to wear. But color is probably the easiest thing to change in a sweater.

Rose Lace Stoleby Susanna Ic: Pretty lace, though the motif is nothing particularly rosy; I think she went with the color rather than the look of the lace. Knitters wear shawls; it’s a thing I don’t get, but that doesn’t make it unworthy.

Tatiana’s Sweaterby Raye Schwartz: There is something just off about this sweater, and I can’t tell you what. Maybe it’s just the way the model is standing, which, as the Samurai Knitter would say, demonstrates that she knows how to work it. I mean, the texture pattern is very interesting, and it really ought to look nice, but it’s just…off. Maybe I don’t like the neckline? Too open to be a V-neck, too deep for a boat neck, I dunno.

Drop Mesh Tee by Cathy Carron: If there’s a total loser in this issue, it’s this. The body’s a mesh, created with deliberate dropped stitches; the sleeves are solid. The combination makes the raglan decreases look sloppy and the sweater as a whole seem unfinished, plus what good is a light, summery garment you have to wear over something to avoid indecent exposure? And the color is a really unattractive yellowy green.

Curvy Squaresby Bonnie Paul: I’m torn. Entrelac is fun, and seems to be used to good effect here; on the other hand, it makes the model look like she has no waist. And it has cap sleeves, despite being knitted in a fairly heavy yarn. All in all I’m gonna have to go with a thumbs-down.

Hexagon Petal Teeby Maria Leigh: I want to love this one, because the fuchsia yarn makes me so very happy, but it has many of the same problems the entrelac one does. The yarn, at least, is cotton, so having no sleeves is less of an issue, but despite the model’s efforts to the contrary it’s clear the hexagons it’s constructed of left no way to make a waist. Still, the rail-thin could wear it and look good in it. And hey, now I know Cascade Ultra Pima comes in fuchsia.

Diminishing Gore Skirt by Gwen Bortner: Nifty and neato, with the increases for a full skirt hidden in the entrelac construction. Assuming one can avoid the pitfalls of knitted skirts, it’s worth a look.

Pinkerton Shawlby Susan Dittrich: This would probably be all sorts of fun to knit, with funky direction changes and stuff…but then you have a smallish scarf in an awkward shape, and what do you do with it? I’d expect this kind of thing in Vogue Knitting, where no one cares if it’s practical.

Lara Bubble Top by Faina Goberstein: OK, for one thing the Samurai Knitter would call this “big butt length”, and to make it more fun there’s a nice tight band at the bottom. Sleeveless boatnecks are not flattering on anyone, and to top it off the body drapes in the perfect way to make the wearer look pregnant. Heck, even the schematic looks like a 30s cartoon of a really curvy woman. It’s not the unmitigated disaster of the mesh thing, but all the same no thanks.

Draped Vestby Carol Feller: A racerback vest, that doesn’t meet in the middle? We can tell the model’s hands are the only thing holding it closed, thanks. And I dunno what’s up with the yarn, but it looks like it’s only half-spun. Bleh.

Ruched Yoke Tee by Annelena Mattison: Comes in sizes suitable for a little girl as well as an adult, there’s some waist shaping, and the yoke is neat. I wish it had sleeves, it might be worth knitting.

Gossamer Smocked Tunic by Shelley Gerber: I don’t quite like this one, but it’s not actually ugly; just not to my tastes. Sleeveless–sigh–but the color’s pretty and there’s some semblance of a waist even without the model bending. It’s transparent, though, so it’d have to be worn over something.

I watched the first few episodes of the SyFy¹ channel’s Dresden Files last night. I was dubious. I really like the books, and there were a number of cosmetic changes that annoyed me in what I’d caught of the show when it was running–Murphy, for example, is Latina and her first name’s Constanza (I assume Murphy is her married name). Bob isn’t just a spirit; he’s the ghost of someone old and at least formerly evil, and he can manifest a visible though intangible body². Harry carries a hockey stick as his staff, a drumstick as his wand, and his office seems to be a desk set up in his living room–that kind of thing.

However, watching the episodes has made me feel better about the whole enterprise. For one thing, Paul Blackthorn (which is a perfect name for someone playing Harry Dresden) has a great ability to come out with the kind of corny lines Harry’s always spouting without sounding like a moron; he sells the character brilliantly, if with a little less wisecracking than I’d like. Even when we first meet him, Harry is not perhaps the most stable of individuals; Blackthorn makes that obvious without making him seem dangerous…at least to people who don’t deserve it.

The show plays down Harry’s antagonism with Morgan. In the books, most of Storm Front involves Harry trying to stay one step ahead of Morgan’s insistance, in the face of all evidence, that he’s the one murdering people; in the show, Morgan has just showed up in the fourth episode and while he’s still a suspicious bastard he’s not completely irrational on the subject of Harry’s evilness. He’s not giving the benefit of the doubt or anything, but he’ll take reasonable proof.

One change I thought interesting: Harry’s evil mentor, Justin DuMorne, has been morphed into Harry’s evil (maternal, naturally) uncle. Also he seems to have survived Harry having “self-defensed him to death”, which as of Changes he hasn’t done in the novels.

I suspect that by the time I’m done I’m going to be sad that Skiffy cut this series, because it’s shaping up to be interesting.

1: At the time, it was still the SciFi channel. And should have stayed that way.

2: I’ll grant that the fact that the visible body’s being played by Terrence Mann does a great deal to alleviate my annoyance on this score.

I just listened to most of Les Miserables for the first time in years, and…wow. It’s no wonder I loved the show when I was a teenager. Someone took the melodrama knobs, turned ’em up to eleven, and then ripped them off because they wouldn’t turn any farther. It’s that kind of show.

The guy playing Valjean (this is the original cast recording) is so earnest and dedicated to selling his anguish it about makes you ill*. The song “Lovely Ladies”: the hookers are all about their job and their depravity, but no! they really hate it and are so sad! “And tell Cosette I love her and I’ll see her when I wake–” *dies*. Javert is trying to make up for having been born in jail by being Lawful Stupid. The Thenardiers, milking Fantine for money until she turns to prostitution.

It’s all just a bit much.

*: I cannot imagine backstage life with that kind of actor in the ranks–although I could be being unfair; it’s possible he was just hamming it up for the recording, or that he’s a perfectly nice guy when not onstage.

No holds are barred; I’m going to be very very explicit about the movie and why it angers me.

Yet more spoiler space.

Don’t read it. Really.

OK, I warned you.

So Joss Whedon, the one-trick pony, has done it again. Let’s make a list of characters who committed the cardinal sin of not being indispensable enough: Doyle. Joyce. Tara. Anya. Fred. Wesley. Book. Wash. Goddamnit, Wash. I’m told that Ron Glass, who played Book, came back to do the movie on the condition that he be written out. He didn’t want to do it anymore, which I can sort of understand, though it’s too bad we’re never going to get any more of that character’s back story. But I have not heard anything along those lines from Alan Tudyk, AKA Wash. Wash had to die because Joss, every once in a while, needs a pointless death just to show us that he’s not some pussy who lets his characters live because people like them. There’s something in his little brain which insists that if someone the audience cares about doesn’t die, they won’t take him seriously. And it can’t be a death that means something, a death that accomplishes anything, oh no–it has to be “Oh look, a sharp pointy thing just rammed through the front viewport for no particular reason, just when we thought we were down and safe.” Only Tara had a death so completely pointless, though at least Joss drove plot with it. Wash doesn’t even get that. I can’t say that I’ll never watch anything Joss produces again; I know myself better than that. But this movie has finally driven home the concept that it’s not safe to get involved with the characters on his shows; it’s not a good idea to invest any emotion in them, because the instant Joss feels he’s not being appreciated as an artiste, down they go. It’s a cheap trick, but it seems to be the only one he’s got. He should be ashamed of himself.