Thursday, 18 April 2013

Top 5 Terrible Torture Methods

Revenge. Think of it as a cake. It's naturally quite sweet, but obviously, more sugar will make it sweeter.

In the revenge cake, torture is the sugar.

Ignoring the ridiculous metaphorical revenge cake, torture is something I've fortunately managed to avoid for twenty years of my life. The closest I've come is sitting on the toilet after a nandos, and we all know how that feels.

Consider that feeling, and then look at some of these bad boys below. Ouch.

5. The Head Crusher

The name's pretty self explanatory. The offender's head would be placed under the cap with their chin resting on the bar beneath it. As they shivered, cried, wriggled, moaned and screamed, the screw would be turned.

Firstly, the teeth are obliterated and the jaw enclosing them splinters. The eyes are then squeezed from their sockets and in one big, messy finale; the contents of the skull would pour onto the floor.

4. The Saw

At first, the image looks like a scene from a quirky, sexual dungeon ... and then you see the saw. The criminal would hung upside down and two people either side would saw into their crotch. At least there's a grid underneath, we wouldn't want a mess now, would we?

3. Impalement Device

Like some sort of sick pole-dance, the offender would be forced to sit on a razor sharp pole. Body weight and gravity would them combine diabolically and the unfortunate fellow would slide down the pole as it impaled his/her organs.

2. Rat Cage

After creating my own rat from mounds of rotten, leftover food at University, I've grown to love the shit eating creatures. However, one wouldn't enjoy them eating their way into my intestines.

The 'patient' would be tied down and a bottomless cage of rats would be placed onto their stomach. With nowhere else to escape, the panicking rats would eat their way into the criminals stomach, desperate to break free.

1. Chinese Water Torture

On paper, it's the least painful torture method out of the five, but arguably the most effective. Water would be slowly dripped, drop by drop, onto the helpless victims head, eventually driving them insane. The droplets would also begin to induce pain as the nerve endings endured an endless assault.