New Stock Market TermsCEO – Chief Embezzlement OfficerCFO - Corporate Fraud OfficerBULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.P/ E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use. # # # # # If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlinesone year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIGone year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothersone year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beerone year ago, drank all the beer,then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,you will have received $214.00.Based on the above, the best current investment planis to drink heavily & recycle. It's called the 401-Keg