Sunday, May 31, 2009

Read Roald Dahl's autobiography (Boy and Going Solo) and was struck by a depressing realisation - I haven't lived! Sob!Never left home after school to work in a strange, primitive country - Mumbai was just a different city and hardly primitive compared to Cal! Never commanded an army while I was a teenager. Never did acrobatics in a fighter aircraft, let alone flew one. Was never chased by a German fighter plane. Never broke my nose repeatedly in separate accidents - though I did stick a pea up my nose out of curiosity (to check if I could still breathe normally - btw, I couldn't!) and had to have it surgically removed. Never suffered from temporary blindness - however, I did smear Vicks Vaporub on my eyelids once to find out what it felt like to be blind. Heck, I've never even be caned!The things that happened to him may not have been nice, BUT adversity (if you manage to survive) gives you such richness of experience. Sigh. I'm just another deathly dull and boring hamster on a treadmill. I don't even deserve a name - people like me should just have impersonal numbers.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Parents were here for a few days - with three daughters contesting for their affection in different ways.1. Me: Drill Sergent: Planning their every movement with annoying precision. VERY unpopular but got stuff done, innit? Going to inherit a bad debt, most likely.2. Sis 1: Very pleasant but we have learnt something new here. Never ever attempt to socialize with her when she's had only 4 hours of sleep. A rottweiller would be cuddlier and way more charming. An asterisk in the will is called for. Most definitely.3. Sis 2: The potential star of a Karan Johar Bollywood flick -'Mommy, Daddy, nobody lurves you more than I do, gasp, kiss, hug, gasp, kiss. Mommy, Daddy, nobody lurves you more than I do, gasp, kiss, hug, gasp, kiss.' Can't bring up the will here. Heck, she's been this way since she was born. Mum used to call her the Lap-lander because she always contrived to land up in their laps till she left home an aged person after college!We looked at each other and groaned, 'Chee! Can't believe we share the same genes!' Yet we hope that we all gave them a good time in our own wierd ways.Mum was in nostalgic mode. She's lived all over the world but her best memories were of the years she spent in Sierra Leone with cool mist shrouded hills and sunny beaches to choose from. Thank god she hasn't ever heard Bryan Adams or she may well have broken into 'Those were the best years of my life.' The three of us would have vomited together. Ah, those genes show up when you least expect them.My fav anecdote: M.K. Gandhi was assasinated. My grand-dad held a small service at home, where not 1 but 5 minute's silence was called for. Mum and her siblings broke into giggles during the solemn occassion. My grand-dad glared ferociously, broke the silence, and gave them a scathing lecture on Gandhi's sterling virtues. Mum defended herself staunchly: 'Sorry Daddy, but his ears are ever so funny!'Those damn genes again!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

This is it. No more American Idol for me. If the best singer/performer of the season doesn't win, why am I wasting my time? The music is crap anyway - Adam lifted it like never before, but evidently a majority of the voters prefer safe, boring, earnest shit. So upset, I have the urge to hit the bottle - I mean literally hit it on their stupid heads ! Bah! Boo! And the punchline of the joke in the post below too!!!!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

When I think of Amar Singh, my all time fave joke (heard it abt 20 years ago) always pops into my head:Young African-American family in Noo Yawk. Their baby, Ernie, has just uttered 'mother' for the first time.His mum gets very excited and calls her husband.Mum: (Gushing) Guess what? our Ernie's learnt half a word!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

They were wrong - terribly wrong, thank god. They were wrong about the 2004 elections too. Boo! So next time round I refuse to listen to them witter on and get heartburn in the process. I will get poll predictions from my sabziwalla in future instead. He rang my doorbell while I was still doing my victory dance."The Congress is winning," I screamed, instead greeting him with my usual polite namaste. He broke into a broad grin and did a sort of victory dance too. Well, more of a jig. And then he told me that in UP (where he's from), people are sick of caste politics. They believe that the Congress is an inclusive party, and they've begun to prefer that.Second highlight of the day: Watching the BJP (Arun Jaitley) admit defeat in public. YAY!!!!Third highlight of the day: The Congress may not ask the SP and oily Amar Singh to join the UPA fold. Hooray!Fourth highlight of the day: Watching an ashen-faced Karat mumble some rubbish about the party getting into introspection mode. What's to introspect, dude? You're the biggest problem in the party!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh yes! Oooooh yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And if the trends prove right and they win (looks likely), like bloody wow - India gets a secular, sensible, stable government with an intelligent man at the helm!A question for Mr. L.K. Advani: So who's weaker then? Manmohan Singh or you? Hah! BTW, the poor old weak dear (Advani, not Singh) hasn't emerged from his house to face the TV cameras yet. He's probably moaning with an ice-pack on his head - his last chance at becoming PM has been ground to dust - YAY!!!!!A question for the Left parties: Why the hell did you let Karat behave like an eejit? He's to blame for your sad showing. Make him stand in the corner - or throw real eggs at his face!BTW, over the last few days, I saw TV footage of a smug Jayalalitha smiling graciously while receiving 3 bouquets (Modi, Karat and can't remember who else). Today, looks like no wooers will be lining up outside her door. Tsk.Oh joy!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Shivering in my shoes -the election results will be out tomorrow. Have been spending sleepless nights of late, shuddering at the unpalatable possibilities. Karat's Monster (the third front bogey) has made things messier than before - oh how I'd love to meet Prakash Karat in person and give him an earful!!!! If the weasley NDA comes to power, the usual cry of anti-incumbency will not hold true. I don't care what the analysts say - as far as I'm concerned, Prakash Karat alone is the man to blame. jutamaro.com , here I come!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

This here is a glowing testimonial for American Idol. Last year it gave me the chance to watch Andrew Lloyd Webber (sigh) at work and this year the show gave me the opportunity to see Slash's face. Like, bloody wow! For years and years and years I've wondered what Slash looks like - only caught brief glimpses of his face through his curly mop while he was playing guitar god. I mean, come on, that guy is so hot he even made Michael Jackson acceptable (to me) when they did the song 'Give in to me' together.

So yeah, now that I've got an uninterrupted look at Slash, I can die. It would be nice though, if someone told me what Meatloaf meant by 'that' when he sang 'I would do anything for love but I won't do that!' Then I'll die with a wider smile on my face.

And omigod, did you ever imagine that someone would do Led Zep on Idol? Adam did just that last night and he was good! Better still was his duet with Allison the rock chick. Gosh, this has just got to be the hottest season on Idol!