On Monday, July 27, 2009, my son, Micah Robert Wessman, went to his eternal home in Heaven after only 9 short months here on earth, his temporary home. This blog is a journal of our grief and how I am trying to lean upon the promises of God and my hope in Jesus Christ in order to meet the great challenges of grieving my son.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I have recently reflected upon how our grief following Micah’s
death has begun to rid us of certain religious pretenses—certain misconceptions
of God that, in light of all that has happened, need to be thrown out.Our conception of how God works, and who He
is, has changed by reason of Micah’s death. Before Micah died, we would have
pat “Sunday school” answers whenever faced with a potential trauma.Intellectually, I would (wrongly) take
comfort in the (false) belief that God’s purpose in difficult personal
situations would be to “rescue” me so as to avoid personal discomfort.

In the intervening years since Micah’s death, I think our
relationship with God was marked, in large part, by shock.While we have depended wholly on God, we’ve
also not really thought a whole lot about leaning on the same God whose
kindness and mercy took our son away from us.

Now, as we emerge more and more from the “fog” of shock as
part of the grieving process, we ask these questions once again.This time, however, we can’t give the pat “Sunday
school” answer any more; not only is this conception of God too superficial,
but it just doesn’t work.In speaking
with other grieving parents, the result for many of us is a huge intellectual
“void” in our lives. We don’t question the existence of God or even that He is
involved in our lives.It is that we cannot
provide an answer to the deepest, most significant questions in our lives, a
question that is at the forefront of the minds of most grieving parents I know.The question, “why did God allow this to
happen?” is often met with just silence.

We answer it with a Job-like silence, a silence that (I
pray) brings glory and honor to God.We
don’t know, and all we can do is keep trusting in Him, changing whatever previous
conception we had of God that is demonstrably false.Recently,
I’ve tried to encourage myself that having a changing conception of God is a
good thing.After all, the Pharisees had
a very wrong conception of God, and if the Pharisees had listened to Jesus and
become His disciples, their conceptions of God would have been dramatically altered.Job’s conceptions of God changed; certainly
the friends of Job who gave him “counsel” had an altered conception of God
through Job’s sufferings.

The downside, of course, to a changing
conception of God is that we can’t control God.I can control a God (or, at least I thought I could) who works to
provide me with good things when I want in the manner that I want.For all of us humans who endure suffering, God
uses this suffering in our lives to move us beyond the “pat” Sunday School
answers to open up our minds to increase our understanding of our Great God, a
God whose means are “beyond our tracing out.”

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Brett and Mandy Peterson are friends of ours and fellow
grieving parents.One of Brett and
Mandy’s four children, Chase, died tragically a few years ago.One of Chase’s striking physical characteristics
was his red hair.Just recently, Mandy
gave birth to their fourth child, a son, Tanner.Brett and Mandy were surprised and humbled to
discover that Tanner, too, has red hair, just as like his big brother
Chase.It seems that through Tanner’s
red hair, God has reminded Brett and Mandy of his continued presence and
blessing even after unspeakable loss.

During Heather’s pregnancy with Micah, she had no less than
three separate ultrasounds. Based upon at least two separate ultrasounds, we
were told that our little Micah would be a girl.As a result, Micah was known as “Haley” in
those months immediately preceding “her” birth.Heather had a number of “pink” baby showers, and as of the moment of “Haley’s”
birth, our home was filled with a lot of pink clothes and baby items.In God’s unsearchable humor and wisdom, the
ultrasound machines (or technicians) were wrong, and “Haley” turned out to be a
boy. Through Micah’s birth, death, and two more boys, we’ve held on to all
those pink clothes.Now, with the
expected birth of our baby #4 just weeks away, Heather and I have remarked at
God’s sense of humor.How we’ve come full
circle with those pink clothes.In God’s
plan, a plan that is certainly his, not ours, those pink clothes will be
used.

As we have endured the grieving process together, we have
tried to look for some of God’s blessings to us in and through our grief.Since we believe there are no such things as
“chance” occurrences, we can attempt to discern meaning in the “small things”
of life.God is sovereign over all
things, whether wars and famines, nations and calamities--even the gender of
our children, their hair colors, and faulty ultrasound machines.I think that God sometimes uses these
seemingly “small” circumstances in life to provide us with a sense of irony
(perhaps humor?) and to remind us of who really is in control. For that, let’s praise Him all the more.

The Story of Micah's Last Days on Earth

During the week of July 20th, 2009, I (Cory) hired a roofing company to re-shingle our home in South Minneapolis. On Thursday afternoon, July 23rd, Heather went to her sister's house in Edina to avoid the noise and allow Micah to nap per his normal routine. In the early evening, Micah had his usual dinner. He sat in a plastic high chair that was secured on top of a regular table chair. After enjoying his finger foods of chicken and peas, Heather went to the sink to get a cloth to clean up Micah's face and hands.

During that time, Micah was accidentally unbuckled from his chair. As Heather walked back to Micah to wash him up, she watched as Micah leaned forward to touch his toes and tumbled forward, falling head first onto the ceramic tile.

Heather was within feet of Micah and immediately picked up Micah from the floor. Micah cried loudly for about 30 minutes. After about 30 minutes of crying and wanting to be held by his mother, he calmed down. Micah developed a bump above his left eye. Micah also developed a strange cough immediately after the fall.

Heather made several calls to the pedicatrician and to the Children's Hospital emergency room to determine if Micah should be seen and evaluated by a doctor. After conflicting suggestions, Heather decided to take Micah down to the ER to be evaluated. Micah was seen by a resident and a doctor and was checked over for any signs of head injury or other injuries. The doctors determined that Micah exhibited no signs of a concussion or other head injury, and so no head scan was taken. Heather and I informed the doctors of the cough, but the doctors felt that the cough was unrelated to the fall. Heather, Micah and I then went home.

On Friday, July 24th, Micah seemed happy and acted normal. Micah engaged in his normal Friday activities, including going to music class. In the evening, Micah developed a temperature following his normal bedtime. He woke up fussy and was not acting life himself. Heather called the pediatrician and the ER triage nurse. The nurse indicated that the fever was unrelated to the fall, and that if his temperature rose to 105 to bring him back to the ER. After several hours of trying to consol Micah, we decided to bring him back to the ER for further evaluation.

At the ER, the nurse practictioner who was assigned to Micah determined that Micah had developed pneumonia. The chest x-ray showed pneumonia but no signs of further complications. Micah was given an IV antibiotic. He was discharged and given instructions to meet with the pediatrician for an antibiotic shot the following day. The issue of the cough was brought up again; it was determiend that he could has aspirated some food (i.e. swallowed food down his lung) because of the fall. The doctor was not overly concerned about the cough.

On Saturday, July 25th, Micah was seen by his primary pedicatrician. He was given a shot of antibiotic and was further evaluated. It was determined that no further treatment was necessary, but that Micah should be seen by the pediatrician the following Tuesday for an x-ray. The x-ray would determine if the pneumonia had improved. If it had not, the pediatrician should that it would be necessary for a doctor to sedate Micah and use a scope to remove the foreign body from Micah's lung.

On Sunday, July 26th, we were hoping to attend the 11:00 am service at Bethlehem Baptist Church in downtown Minneapolis. Before church, I headed to Target around 9:30 to pick up a prescription for Micah. Micah woke up from his nap while Heather was drying her hair in the bathroom. Micah let out a terrible little cry, and Heather immediately ran into his run. Micah then started chocking, and immediately turned blue.

Heather called 911 and started CPR on Micah. I arrived home and tried to relay CPR instructions from the 911 operator to Heather, who was attempting to resuscitate Micah. Within 1 minute of my arrival, the fire department arrived. The fire department personnel attempted, to no avail, to resuscitate Micah. Within 2 or 3 minutes, the paramedics arrived. They, too, were unsuccessful in attempting to resuscitate Micah.

After about 25 more minutes, Micah was transported by ambulance to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. Heather rode in the front seat of the ambulance. I rode with a police officer in his squad car behind the ambulance.

Once at the hospital, a team of doctors and nurses continued their attempts to resuscitate Micah. We were met almost immediately at the hospital by a social worker and a chaplain. During the next 20 minutes or so, we continued to receive updates that the doctors and nurses were not able to resuscitate Micah. At that time, we were told by one of the head doctors to go into Micah's room and say goodbye to Micah.

As we were walking into the room, the doctors stopped us and indicated that they had been able to finally get a pulse going again. They were also able to incubate him and, with the assistance of machines, get him breathing again. The head doctor apparently made hard chest compression to restart Micah's heart. The doctors immediately cautioned us, however, that because of the length of time that Micah went without oxygen to his brain (about 1.5 hours), he would have permanent brain damage. Micah was then moved to a room in the instensive care unit in South Minneapolis.

Later that afternoon, I was in his room when an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist placed a scope down Micah's lung. There, he found a pea that had collapsed his right lung. The E-N-T specialist was able to remove the pea. At this point, the doctors believe that Micah suffocated on a combination of this pea and the flem material generated by his lung as a result of the pneumonia.

That evening, I asked the nurse in charge of Micah's care whether we should be praying for his recovery or praying for his "going home." She responded, without hesitation, that we should pray for his "going home." Heather and I did not sleep at all that Sunday night. We (along with many others) lifted up many prayers to the Lord asking the Lord to spare our Micah's life.

On Monday, July 27th, Heather and I, along with our families, Pastor Kenny Stokes and our pediatrician met with the head doctor in the intensive care unit to discuss Micah's situation. He indicated that Micah had little to no brain activity, and that he had no chance of recovery. They provided us with the option to remove Micah from life support at any time. At that time, it appeared that he may have had enough brain function to breath on his own if he were removed from the ventilator.

The Lord provided Pastor Kenny with the verse, "Away from the body, present with the Lord." We determined that because Micah would never have any brain activity, it was time for us to say goodbye to our only son, Micah Robert Wessman, so that he could go home to be with Jesus.

All of our extended families gathered in Micah's room. Due to all of the lines and cords coming from his little body, several nurses had to assist in transferring Micah from his bed to my lap. Heather sat in a chair next to me. We sang a number of hymns together, including "Children of the Heavenly Father" and "Jesus Love Me." Heather then kissed Micah goodbye, telling Micah, through tears, to "run to Jesus, sweetie, run to Jesus."

For the next hour, we waited for a local organ donation company to arrive and review Micah's status for organ donation purposes. (We later learned that a child benefitted from receiving Micah's heart valves.) During that time, the doctors determined that Micah's brain functions further deteriorated, and Micah was not able to breath on his own. Apparently, Micah had listed to his mother one last time, and he ran to Jesus.

After meeting with the organ donation company, I went into Micah's room. Also present were my parents, my brother Scott, Pastor Kenny and Tim Gilbert. The doctor and the nursing staff removed all of Micah's tubes. Within a few minutes of having his tubes removed, Micah died in my arms. After a few minutes of holding the body of my son in my arms, my brother read from Romans 11:33-36.

We love our son very much, and always will love him. He will always be our son. It is our strong conviction that after he died, he was received directly into the arms of our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

About Cory (Micah's Dad)

I am 35, a Christian, married to my beautiful wife Heather, and the father of three sons, Micah Robert Wessman, born October 30, 2008, died July 27, 2009; Owen , born May 14, 2010; and Brendan, born August 9, 2011.