Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Glee isn't a very good show, and other cutting-edge opinions.

I was home alone last night, and it was Tuesday. And Tuesday plus home alone tends to equal Glee. It's a guilty pleasure of sorts. Actually, it's a guilty... guilt? It's generally unpleasurable, so I dunno. It's sort of like some sort of non-addictive drug, that makes you feel ill and you don't like taking it, but if it's on a table you'll have some just 'cause there's nothing better to do and you instantly regret it. Ah, yeah, like at the last fancy dinner party you were at, and there was that cheese tray with the 'expensive' cheese that looked well and good but smelled vaguely of basement ass, and you ate it and said to yourself, "Damn, this tastes like an ass in a basement," and while you circle the crowd to find your friend and tell them about the cheese and its subterranean ass-funk, you pass round the snack table again and say, "Hey, look, cheese."

There was probably a faster way to make that analogy. Anyway, 'cause it's Glee, here's music to listen to while reading my uncoagulated opinion. It's robot music. It feels to me like a Tom Waits song if Tom Waits were a Danish nerd. [Skip ahead to 0:48, and then feel free to continue reading.]

So with that gently droning in the background, here's why I think Glee is not a very good show: There's no bad guy, and nothing is at stake. With no bad guy [in whatever form is needed by the show in question] there's no drama. Glee, far as I can tell, is utterly devoid of anything mattering. There's always this vague threat of the 'sectionals,' whatever the hell that means, but really. What are they? Don't answer, I prefer not knowing.

Sure, there's Jane Lynch. She's funny in most things, but her character in this show feels so... impotent. I mean, they'd like me to believe she's a delusional Machiavellian something-or-other, but she never actually gets anything done. Last night she brilliantly engineered the firing of Dr. Songster or whatever his name is, and within the span of a commercial break, no shit, he'd been hired back. All it takes is the phantom chorus to do one of those annoying "dun-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-NUH!"s and everything's back ship-shape and smoothly sailing again.

And here's the thing: in a show where everyone is so damned... gleeful, the bad guy has to be evil. It's about balance. And just when you think maybe Sue could be evil, in proper Glee fashion, they undercut her by popping her sister in there, and saying "Hey, she's not ALL bad." Well, Mr. Showrunner, if she ain't all bad, she ain't anything. [Does her sister still appear on the show? In case it wasn't clear, I'm not watching every episode. Or is Becky now functionally the same character?]

I think that's the core of my contempt. I mean, the song selection is wonky, but they know that and make jokes about it. They don't generally do anything new or interesting with the songs, which is boring, except the mash-ups, which, sorry, are generally unlistenable. Also, pre-recorded singing [to bring it all home] also sucks whatever other kind of drama they could get out of a musical program. If they were really there singing on set, I'd be far more impressed. Yeah it'd be harder to produce the show, but dammit, it'd be impressive.

So to close, get a good, lasting, and fully bad bad guy in there [and not the jock goober who has the crush on the boy, because you KNOW that shit's gonna get cleaned up super-quick once it finally happens], stop the obnoxious stunt-casting [it's obnoxious], and do a LIVE show. Go on, I dare you.

Now on to what you really came for: mildly embarrassing Lego photography!

Lego Advent Calendar, Day 13: Tiny firetruck. That about says it all.

I'll give a dollar to someone who can think up a pithy joke for this picture.

Day 14: Woman trapped in the late 70s. With bread. Loves me some Lego food.

Cette baguette est faite pour aimer, non?

Day 15: Dinette set. I think I'm definitely in the girl section of the calendar now. Not that I mind, because that little lamp is simply diVINE.

Chairs are a tad stumpy, though.

Day 16: Slick, sexy couch. For sittin'.

Insert some sort of IKEA joke.

So the house is getting pretty jammed full now. It's exciting. I'm always more comfortable in a space with lots of stuff. Stuff is comfortable. And with furniture you can make fun scenes like this, instead of looking for work or bettering your situation.

Lego domestic violence. That bread is HARD, yo.

Are you at the uncomfortable part of the song that's all off-beat? Mind blowing, right?

"You want chicks, Beardo? Get a guitar. Chicks eat this shit UP."

Anyway, if my calculations are correct, you should have about a minute and a half left in the song. Unless you're a faster and/or slower reader than me. Which is entirely possible, really. It'd be respectful to let the jam finish, but robots don't care. Not yet, at least.