If Kate Has Twins, Will Our Next Monarch Be Picked by the Royal Doctor?

07/12/2012 11:32 GMT
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Updated
05/02/2013 10:12 GMT

Amidst all the delicious speculation about the Duchess of Cambridge and her pregnancy, there is one scenario which is utterly mouth-watering.

And, even better, this is not the most outrageous fantasy. There is a possibility, a sporting chance even, that this might actually happen.

What if... What if Kate is currently pregnant with twins. Apparently, given Kate's severe morning sickness, it is more than a little possible.

Let's coin a new term for the Royal Twins. Let's call them... The Pwins (Trademark pending).

What if these twins happened to be a healthy little boy - and a healthy little girl... And now - the last and most wondrous step of all: What if the babies were delivered by Caesarean Section?

Just imagine it: there is the royal doctor, the dishy Mr Alan Farthing. The scalpel has been wielded. The cut has been made. Now - not that I know the slightest thing about C-sections, but since we are still in the realms of the hypothetical... Then: What If Mr Farthing sees the two little babies; sees that there's one little boy and one little girl.

Which one's he going to choose, knowing as he does, that the hand of history is upon his shoulders; knowing that thanks to the latest changes in the rules of succession, first-born trumps all; knowing that Britain's destiny is, quite literally, in his hands.

There's the boy, and cuddled in tight next to him is his sister: which baby will Mr Farthing decide to pluck first from the womb?

He's got perhaps a minute to weigh up the situation.

It's like the central dilemma in the movie Sophie's Choice - only even better. In Sophie's Choice, Sophie only has to choose who's going to live between her son and daughter - a tough decision, obviously, but it's not something that's going to shift the world on its axis.

But in Mr Farthing's Choice, well... There he is, looking at these cute, adorable Prins, and does he want to be a King-Maker - or a Queen-Maker? It may be the Archbishop of Canterbury who actually crowns the Monarch, but in that moment, the British Crown will undoubtedly be in Mr Farthing's hands.

And let's not forget that Mr Farthing is undoubtedly a gentleman who would naturally insist on Ladies First...

If he does pick the girl over the boy, well, just for starters, he'll have ensured that he's made his indelible mark on history.

He'll have struck a glorious blow for women - and primogeniture - the world over.

And for the law-makers in the Commonwealth. Won't they feel chuffed? Since they've just passed this brand new rinky-dink law on the rules of succession, it would be such a waste not to use it.

Or - one last scenario...

Another equally delicious scenario that is also entirely possible... What if Kate is pregnant with twins - The Pwins - of which one baby looks perfectly healthy, and meanwhile the other... well he's not looking quite so good. There is Mr Farthing doing his C-section. He needs only the briefest of glances to be able to tell that one of the babies has some slight physical handicap.

And he weighs it up, and he thinks to himself - Why the hell not pick the kid with the handicap?

After all, the lad's going to need all the help he can get in life.

With one scoop of his hands, Mr Farthing could do more to change our attitudes to the physically handicapped than even the London Paralympics...

I can see it now: one small baby for Mr Farthing - one giant leap for mankind.