Just to clarify: it was my friend who wanted the olives, not the OOT guest. It's a fairly normal occurence for somebody to run out and get a special topping or ingredient if they want one.

Next time somebody asks to bring an additional guests, I'll let them know to communicate to their guest what the arrangements are. Also, in the future I'll be sure to reassure add-on guests that they don't have to help, and are welcome to sit and relax with a cool beverage and laugh at the chaos.

that's a great solution - it will cut down on miscommunications quite a bit, I am sure. good luck on your next dinner party!

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Buffy2424

I'm irritated on your behalf. Someone should tell him that a good guest comes and accepts what is offered. It's annoying when people are rude, but it's worse when people are so rude in claiming to be the polite one. Too many people just don't know what's up anymore.

For a formal dinner party it is rude to request items in addition to what the host has provided. The host hasn't provided olives, you shut up and politely eat your oliveless pizza.

It's also rude in a formal dinner party situation to email the host and ask if you can bring someone with you, so by his rules he was being rude by even attending.

It can also be considered rude for one person to continually host without the guests ever reciprocating.

You should also never offer to help unless you mean it. The whole argument that it's polite to offer but rude to accept is just silly.

But what you had wasn't a formal dinner party. It was a weekly get together with friends, which is held at your house because you have a kitchen and space to host. I'd have been seriously tempted to either laugh at him, or get him his coat.

How pathetic is he if he feels simply topping the pizza with his toppings is being put to work!

Me and DH host these gatherings for our friends too and it works the same, if you want to help you come before dinner and help us chop and chat with us over a glass of wine, if you don't want to....just show up when the grub is coming out. Most people tend to come early to hang out and help though

It would also be rude for guests to attend several of your formal dinner parties and never offer to reciprocate in any manner. If one were to be picky about etiquette. Clearly this isn't a true formal dinner party - it's a cross between a dinner part and a potluck.

I wouldn't worry about it because I am the rudest person on earth. My live in BF's sister and BIL come over to grill with us sometimes. We have a long standing bring your own meat and booze agreement at either house.

Somehow we ended up discussing the next get together while hanging around with some of BIL's friends. They are really snobby and had ignored us all night so I was shocked when a woman turned at scolded me for asking what Sis was bringing to my house since I was the hostess and it was my job to feed everyone. I was so fed up with being treated like a second class citizen because they were all lawyers and I was amere secretary that I told her that was fine since she wasn't invited anyway.

Mmbored, you sound like a wonderful hostess, and a wonderful person: warm, generous, and open-hearted. The "guest", in his obsession over a perceived slight, was not only too blind to notice the difference between a formal gathering and an informal one, but he also missed seeing your kind and giving nature.

twinkletoes

Just to clarify: it was my friend who wanted the olives, not the OOT guest. It's a fairly normal occurence for somebody to run out and get a special topping or ingredient if they want one.

Next time somebody asks to bring an additional guests, I'll let them know to communicate to their guest what the arrangements are. Also, in the future I'll be sure to reassure add-on guests that they don't have to help, and are welcome to sit and relax with a cool beverage and laugh at the chaos.

Ah-ha, OK. This makes more sense. I thought the OOT guest was rude from the get-go - waltzing into a party and asking for olives on the pizza. (I know that that's how you all roll, but it's different for a newbie to walk in and say "what? No olives?!?" versus an established member to say "oh, no olives? Mind if I buy some?")

I definitely think the friend should have briefed his friend on the party at some point - either before they initially arrived, or while at the store. I can see, though, how the OOT guest was taken aback. If I were to go to someone's house for dinner, where I wasn't told the "house rules," and I was then told "here are the veggies, and grab a cutting board from the sink," I'd start to think it would be a good story for the ehell site. (Of course, I wouldn't be so rude as to verbalize what I was thinking.)