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How I Came to Krishna

Allow me to share with you how I came to become a bhakta. I am sitting in a cell on the close custody level of the Fourth Avenue jail that is in Maricopa County, AZ. I am currently awaiting trial for a capital death penalty case. And in all honesty, I may very well spend the rest of my life on Death Row. But that does not hold the anxiety for me that it once did. Allow me to share with you what changed in my thinking.

I was a lost soul wandering in this material world. I remember thinking, ‘I can’t find my way home.’ I didn’t really know the deep meaning of this, but that’s what I used to think as I would lie in bed suffering throughout the darkness of day and night. Though wanting help, needing it, searching for it for years, I had nearly given up my efforts to find assistance along the way. It was then, at my lowest point that I came into contact with Srila Prabhupada’s books.

My life was crazy, something out of a Hunter S. Thompson book. Chaos is a word barely suitable but the closest of one word descriptions. In every aspect of my life action brimmed to its fullest. Work, friendships, girlfriends, even leisure was a fireball of activity in a constant state of flux. I told myself I worked better under pressure, with as many pokers in the fire as I could grasp…and then a few. Add to this hectic lifestyle a strong pursuit of carnal pleasures and mind-altering substances and my life was a ticking time bomb; WAY out of control, but not a minute out of character.

It was in 1973 when I first came into contact with Krsna’s pure devotees. I was five years old and traveling through the Frankfurt airport with my parents and older brother. In thinking back on the experience it’s really odd, in a way, that I remember it so clearly now, especially as it became covered by other experiences of conditional life and remained forgotten for some thirty-two years.

For so many years I was strung out on different chemicals thinking it was the way to cope with life and that it would bring me peace and joy. But I found out that it only gave me peace and happiness on a temporary level and the more I used the more I wanted. I was never satisfied. I was always looking for that quick thrill thinking I could find it I booze, sleeping around, partying, doing risky behavior or whatever else would be a turn-on. I was happy on the outside, but deep down inside my inner soul something was missing.

“I would like to tell you how I came to Krsna. When I was sent to prison I began searching for my true original self and sought to find myself in the Bible and later in the Qur’an. I kept reading about other faiths as well and read some books on the history of Hinduism and wrote down some quotes from the Holy Scriptures. I loved those books.

“Although I was born in 1956, I was never anything more than remotely aware of Krsna. A long time ago, in a prison chapel, a Christian prisoner burst in with George Harrison’s “My Sweet Lord” on cassette tape. The prisoner made his case against demonic lyrics in rock music as subliminal psychological manipulation, when he suddenly announced, “Aha! Listen to this!” and proceeded playing the tape so the background singers suddenly changed from “Hallelujah” to “Hare Krsna”. We had all loved that tune and sung along. We were all guilty of sin and going to burn in hell!

The following is a letter to Candrasekhara is from an inmate who had found one of Srila Prabhupada’s books about 2 years ago, which had been sent out to the prison 15 years prior. This is a wonderful example of how Krsna, in the form of His books, goes where He wants to go, waiting for the person who will read the book and take advantage of the knowledge. After finding the book and contacting the Prison Ministry, Sarva Laksmi Mayi, (then Maureen), started chanting japa, reading everyday and preaching to other inmates. She desired initiation and Bir Krsna Maharaja gave her Hare Nama Initiation.

I know that this response has been sometime coming things has been kind a tight with me on the financial side. This is first time I have had to have extra envelopes to write you back. I wish to thank you for books.

I am sorry I could not write in time to be a part of (Vyasa Puja), but I am still very eager to write you and bring in contact with what has happened in my life from reading two books you gave me.