Letters I'll Never Send

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We’ve had this thing going on for around five years now.. on and off. We’ve done things that would hurt others that we care about if they knew about it. We know these things about each other because we did it together. I think I’ve always loved you… since it first started happening. That is why I can’t be faithful to anyone else. You keep pulling me back in. The thing that hurts me the most is that you love someone, one of my best friends. I feel as if you’ll always love her more than anyone, even though you two are over. I pray and wish that you will come to love me more than anyone… this is pathetic but I think I do that every day. When we are together.. which is quite a lot, especially this past summer, it is so good. so so good. I wish I could be in a normal relationship but we are not normal. This is so frustrating, and I’ve even finally told you that I tried to keep feelings out of it and couldn’t. But you were drunk and couldn’t give me answers that would make me feel better. And I gave in again.

I hope that you do love me and just haven’t told me the extent of your feelings yet. There have to be feelings to have the connection that we possess, right? Wishful thinking…