Honeymooner Ditches Bride, Goes Duck Hunting

This is the story of a man so committed to duck hunting that he planned his Mexico honeymoon to coincide with flights of bluewings and cinnamons. It's a tale of bravery, logistical genius and careful manipulation of the female psyche. What you're about to read will no doubt be studied by duck hunters and psychologists for years to come.

It begins at the wedding reception. Rather than the usual numbered tables, our hero selected various waterfowl species to denote the seating arrangements. For instance, I was seated at the bluebill table:

At first I was offended that I wasn't at a more sophisticated duck's table; however, upon discovering that a friend of the bride who I used to date was sitting at the canvasback table rather than with the coots, I realized we were not seated based on personal attributes.

The reception was one of the best I've ever attended, but weddings don't just happen. They require time and effort to pull off, which played directly into the groom's plan. While his bride-to-be was busy with wedding photographers, flowers, dresses and all that happy over-priced nonsense, he was researching duck guides near his honeymoon resort and carefully crafting talking points to discuss with his fiancé.

After ensuring she was in a good mood, he brought up the prospect of duck hunting in Mexico. He stressed that the outfitter was just a couple miles down the road--he could be back in time for a honeymooners' breakfast; it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to kill a prime drake cinnamon (isn't fulfilling dreams what honeymoons are all about?); and he wouldn't hunt all week, just three quick mornings.

Earlier today the groom sent me the following email:

Managed my 20 birds with 45 shots (lead shot rocks!) in an hour and a half. All decent to good drakes except one hen bluewing that fooled me. 2 prime spoons, 6 cinnamons, and 12 bluewings. Could've shot 20 great spoons in 30 minutes easy, but I am after teal.

He has pulled it off! Has anyone else out there hunted during a honeymoon? Let's hear how your grand scheme came together (even if it simply involved marrying a hunter) so that we may learn from you. As for me, I'm off to talk to my fiancé about the merits of late-fall weddings. I hear Arkansas is beautiful that time of year.

7 Responses to Honeymooner Ditches Bride, Goes Duck Hunting

@Katie Wow, the groom is even more impressive than I thought. He actually convinced you that you WANTED him to go duck hunting!

Katie (Bride) wrote:March 10, 2011

Hello, it's the Bride here...just wanted to point out that I went duck hunting with my husband two of the three days and it was amazing, and also went fishing :) Don't be jealous Kyle :)

KyleW wrote:March 07, 2011

You included your father-in-law in the honeymoon activities? I can't believe that didn't end well.

Brian Lynn wrote:March 07, 2011

I was married in Maui and put together a fishing trip for myself, dad, soon-to-be father-in-law and uncle. We only caught one mahi (my rod) and because I over-indulged at the $1 happy hour the night before, I became seriously seasick. On the upside, I only vomited on my father-in-law...

jimmy rabbitt wrote:March 07, 2011

Glory be to god! This almost makes me want to renew my vows!

KyleW wrote:March 05, 2011

Well, Rob, I suppose fishing is the next best thing to hunting. Nice job... you know, aside from getting your bride seasick!

Rob wrote:March 04, 2011

That is pretty good! Persuading my wife to let me go duck hunting on our honeymoon probably would not have went over well, but I was able to talk her into going out marlin fishing which was a first for her (and likely last do to her becoming extremely sea sick).