"In all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured!"~ Gordon B. Hinckley

Monday, April 29, 2013

Achieving #1

I could be doing a bit better at my New Year's Resolutions for 2013 than I am currently...shall we say. I'm further than I would be if I hadn't made them, but not as far as I want to be, and should be. It's been 4 months for heaven's sake! That's long enough to fail a few times and have a few successes and be getting this new good habits made and turned into regular routines, right? Oh well, at least I'm headed in the right direction, even if it's only at about the speed of a turtle.

I'm overdue for a monthly blog post evaluation of my progress, but what inspired this post is the words to one of my favorite hymns: "More Holiness Give Me".

More holiness give me,
More strivings within,
More patience in suffering,
More sorrow for sin,
More faith in my Savior,
More sense of his care,
More joy in his service,
More purpose in prayer.

More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,
More pride in his glory,
More hope in his word,
More tears for his sorrows,
More pain at his grief,
More meekness in trial,
More praise for relief.

More purity give me,
More strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains,
More longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom,
More used would I be,
More blessed and holy—
More, Savior, like thee.

One area that I haven't made nearly as much progress as I was really hoping is my #1 goal: To draw closer to my Savior, strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly
Father, and grow stronger in my personal testimony of the Gospel. Of course I go to church every week, I do my callings, I pray daily, me and Trevor are pretty good at having FHE, and we pray and read the scriptures together nearly every night without fail. Quite excellent habits if I do say so myself :) But my personal scripture study and pondering time really aren't what I would like them to be. I let too many other things clog up my evening and morning time and distract me. We could also be much better at attending the temple regularly.

Even though we're doing a lot of things right, I still feel like I had a more personal and familiar relationship with my Father in Heaven and my Savior back when my nausea problems were a much more significant daily trial. I guess partly because I always read my scriptures to get me through the rough hours sitting at my post by the toilet waiting for the nausea to finally subside. But probably more so because of the closeness I felt knowing my constant pleas for help were being heard and that even when my struggles felt like more than I could bear (this emetophobia is a beast!), someone was there holding my hand, comforting me, crying with me, and giving me the help I needed to make it through. Every time. My trust in the Lord, and faith that He does see the big picture even though I don't understand it, grew a lot through my experience as well. There is definitely something very beautiful that is born in affliction.

I do NOT want to repeat that experience, but I want that closeness again. While it may not be quite the same, there is no reason for my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior to not be every bit as strong, if not more so, now that I am more in my right mind instead of kind of falling to pieces.

So...I am instigating the course of action that I tried a few times during college. No facebook or internet until I have had a good solid 15 minutes (or more) of scripture study and pondering. If I don't have time for scripture study, I clearly don't have time to waste on the internet! And me and Trevor are going to the temple for our date this Friday :)