Funny Things Your Kids (or others) Say. Let's Hear 'Em.

As many know, I have two wonderful daughters, who are ten and six. Watching them grow and learn new things has always been a high point of my life.

Sometimes some of the things they come out with just crack me up though. This evening I was out for dinner with family and friends at a local pub. My
mother had ordered cottage pie for dinner. During the course of eating, my youngest daughter wanted to know what her Nanna was eating. The
conversation went as such;

My mum; "This is a cottage pie. It's meat with peas and vegies with mash potatoes on top. Do you know why it is called cottage pie?"

My daughter; "because it is made in a cottage. That's why." This is only one of many things she comes out with.

Another was my eldest a few years ago. We had just gotten in the door from being out, and three seconds after, my daughter says,
"dad can you do (insert generic task)?"

In a sarcastic tone I replied, "we just got home. Can I at least get in the door first?"

"You are in the door dad. See? You even shut it."

So, to you, the collective ATS family, does your child or children, or even friends or family members come out with this kind of humour? Do they ever
say something so priceless it just leaves you in stitches?
Have at it

My eight year old boy, given homework to use various words in a sentence. One of the words was "bottomless". His sentence construction was, "If you
have an accident and lose your bottom you would be bottomless"

Another from a friend's little girl on being asked what she'd learned at school that day, replied, "Odd and evil numbers"

I have a large 9 year old male German Shepard who like to sun himself on my front porch, laying on his back. One day my 5 year old Grand-daughter came
to visit. As she came on the porch she saw my dog laying there on his back, and she said "Look Pa Pa he's laying eggs".

My sister rang and asked what to do when the oil light came on in her car. I went through what oil she needed where to get it and how much to put in
how to check it etc.

She rang back a bit peeved because I hadn't told her to buy a funnel. When I told her to use the big black one she replied, "Don't be bloody
silly, even the little kitchen one wouldn't fit down that tiny little hole."

Im probably a bad parent for this but I use the “F” word to express disagreement, amazement, difficulty, inquiry, satisfaction....whatever,
because it is the most versatile word in the English language and I love it. I have a 6 year old girl and I never use the word in ANY conversation I
have with her and would never use the word or any other cuss word towards her, not right now anyway. lol She hears me use the “F” word and she
knows she isn't supposed to use those kind of words and she never has. So about 6 months ago, she starts saying things like, “Is it time to eat yet
cause Im soakin hungry?” “Mom, my soakin bath water is getting cold.” “I wish I had my cool dude shades cause the sun is soakin bright and
hurts my eyes.”
I just wondered why she kept using the word soakin lately and I didn't figure it out but after about 3 days go by, she said something in front of her
mom using the word “soakin” and I said, “Yeah she's been saying she's soaking this and that lately, what's up with that?” My girlfriend
immediately said, “I think she found a way to swear and sound like you but not actually swearing.”
We laughed so hard and then we asked her about it and obviously It's cause she has heard me saying something that sounded like soaking. As far as Im
concerned, she can ask for a soaking drink whenever she wants. I trust that she won't use curse words til she's older if she chooses.
Every once in a while she says “soakin” and it cracks me up and she gets away with it just because of the fact that it was pretty clever on her
part.

When my daughter was 5 (man was that a while ago) we were watching a family members dalmation and had to leave so we put him, with our rotweiller, on
our enclosed porch on the backside of our house. When we got home my daughter heard the ruckus and went and looked out the window onto the porch.
Next, she came screaming through the house and after calming her down we asked "what was the matter". She replied, "there's wolfusus on the out
back porch!" We laughed for a couple hours over that! Still chuckle thinking about it!

My five year old, upon me asking why he got in trouble in music class: "I was a vampire, and I wanted minions. So I tried to convert the other kids,
but the teacher didn't like it."

My son, upon getting mad at another child: "I'm going to kill you!" I explained this was a bad thing to say, so he replied, "I'm going to shoot
you!" After being told this was also inappropriate, he asked, "Well, can I at least taze him?"

My son, after the above conversation, upset with another student at school: "Mrs. Smith, can we euthanize Jacob?"

I too have a 'potty' mouth at times & this reminded me of when my daughter was 2 having to go on a 4 hour drive to the city for a hospital
appointment.

Picture this-
Three fed up kids, absolutely peeing rain the entire freakin drive,roads closed, diverted traffic,getting lost, no street signs, now late for
appointment. The car windows fogged up due to everyone breathing, so we can't see jack!

I was soooo annoyed, I said "F**KING RAIN!!!".
I checked the kids in the back just in time to see my sweet 2yo cherubs face looking out the window while uttering "F**king wain"!!!

My son was about 12 when this happened and I will remember it for the rest of my life it was so cute!

We had just recently applied for his social insurance number (SIN), the letter and card came in the mail a few weeks later and I had it sitting on the
table, when my son came in he looked at the letter as it had his name on it, and he say's to me

"What they know how many sins I have done? How do they know?"

Needless to say I was very amused and explained to him what the letter really was.
He was relived as the SIN number is very large!

My husband is Italian, we met in London. Where he came from in Italy learning English was very low on the list of priorities at school.

When we met, he had completed a formal course in English and his communication was really good.

Apart from the night when he came home and told me his 'fiddle' is sore. After much laughter and little breathing he explained that he mixed up
'fiddle' and 'elbow' from the expression:'Fiddler's elbow.'

Oh, also when he jumped up from the peacful couch where we were sitting watching tellie, screaming: "close the windows! The moracs are coming
in!"

Moracs mixed up with moths!

Oh yes, then there was the time when, working in the Connaught Hotel's Grill room, a customer told him: "Young man, that meal was OUTSTANDING!" My
husband did not reply. He did not know if he should appologise or thank the guy, he did not know what outstanding means!

Well mine are 13 and 14 now, but i've had my fair share of funny comments from them. I love finding little notes that they've written in thier
bedroom. When the little one was 5, i found a note she'd left for the fairies saying, "Dear fairies, please help us by giving us money!"

The other day, i bought my daughters a vocal processor or "harmoniser" for thier music, however i'm now waiting for a knock on the door from either
the police or social services as my eldest told all her friends at school i'd bought her a TRANQUILZER!!!

Heard one young kid i used to look after having a serious conversation with a friend, saying that his mum who liked to drink a lot, got so drunk she
ended up coming home most nights like a "parrot alcoholic". He meant she was paralytic.

The lad he was chatting to just nodded along in agreement
lol.

I used to love helping at the local playgroup when my kids were toddlers, the kids used to dish so much dirt about the parents lol. One kid told his
"news for the week".....he stood up and said, "This week, mummy is having a lovely holiday....but daddy doesn't like it because she has gone with the
man next door!".

About two years ago, my ex-husband's new girlfriend moved in with him. Apparently, our 5 year old son (at the time) did not care for this. He told
me "I hate daddy's girlfriend. I hope she dies." I told him that it wasn't acceptable to wish death upon anyone ever, under any circumstance.
He sat there thinking about what I had said and then grumbled, "Fine. Then I hope her head falls off."

Right around this same time period, he had discovered Cartoon Network. Well, they were constantly running this pro-abstinence commercial in which
they said the word "sex" repeatedly. My son, being curious about this new word, said "Mommy, what's sex?" The dreaded question I thought I was
still years away from having to answer! So I answered "Sex is what mommies and daddies do to make babies." About a week later, he informed me he
had it all figured out: The mommy and daddy go to the doctor when they want a baby, and the doctor puts the baby in the mommy's tummy. Then, when
the baby is ready, they go back to the doctor and he takes the baby out thru the mommy's belly-button.

Now, about a month ago, he asked, "Mommy, what's a virgin?" Another question I didn't feel like it was time to be hearing! So I said, "A virgin
is someone who hasn't had sex." Again, he got real quiet and thought about this for a while. Then, he suddenly piped up and said "Hey! I'M a
virgin!!!"

Before my son, I didn't know I could cringe and bust up laughing all at the same time...

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