(A journey through life set in Japan)

A stone weighing me down…

If you’ve been following the gallstonesaga, you’ll know that I’m still being bugged with a rather large gallstone. So I waited two weeks from the ER visit for an appointment with the doctor at my local hospital to consult about surgery. The appointment was yesterday and since Mamoru couldn’t go with me as he had an appointment (like he has an appointment every fucking hour it seems), one of my friends accompanied me to the hospital. Two hours an thirty minutes later, the doctor tells me that they cannot schedule surgery because there is a waiting list for this type of surgery (fuck you old people in Japan). Maybe you know that I quit my job at Company H, so I’m not working right now. This means I have a lot of free time, but also I’ll be starting a new job at Company K in April, so I need to have surgery in March especially since the doctor said I would need to be hospitalized. For that reason as well as to get rid of the nagging pain. I was so angry I almost started crying. Two weeks of waiting for this appointment for nothing. The doctor told me something I didn’t know actually. He said this gallstone has been slowly growing for about 5 years to get to its current size. I’ve been referred to another hospital which hopefully can cut me open this month. Tomorrow morning お父さん will take me there because Mamoru has gone to Tokyo. I thought he went there on business, but apparently he’s gone to meet an old coworker. He says he told me that, but I don’t remember him saying so. Anyway, I was kind of annoyed to be left like this considering my condition.

This whole ordeal is wrecking my mental health. Every day I feel so helpless because I can’t do anything about this pain, and I had hoped to get this cleared up quickly but as of right now there is no end in sight. Today I’m feeling so lonely. It’s making me feel sick. Of course, there’s no one to talk to. No one is around. I’m so exhausted by everything. The doctor yesterday had the gall (see what I did there) to tell me that the pain I’m feeling isn’t caused by the gallstone, but my mom (a nurse) and everything I’ve read on the internet says it is. Fuck Japanese doctors right now.

Also, it turns out I was mistaken about the wait time to adopt. Once our application is approved at the judge meeting, we can adopt any time after that. Of course, they’ve said many times it depends on the child, so we don’t know when we will be able to but at least there are no more government imposed wait times. This week I went to meet Mimi and her baby who is now 7 months old. Mimi was so super supportive about the adoption and she even said she wants me to hurry up and become a mom so we can be mama best friends. She’s seriously the best. I love her.

I guess that’s it. I’m gonna go to the supermarket and buy some food, so I have things to eat while Mamoru is gone. I hope you’re doing better than I am. Be well.