Monday, August 04, 2008

Back Again?

Over and over I say that I'll start posting again. Each time I have some excuse like life is too busy or life is not blog-worthy and then 6 months have gone by and I feel like it has been too long to start back up.

So here I am, whether I have blog worthy material or not.

While I have numerous finished knitting projects to share, wedding pictures I have never posted, and a trip to Greece I have yet to document - I lost my hard drive and do not have access to any of our pictures on my new computer. Now that we've eliminated all potentially interesting content, you're just stuck with me and my thoughts.

Lately I've been tormenting myself over what I am doing with my life. I have a tendency to over-analyze things and somehow it seems to keep coming back to analyzing myself. Most of these thoughts end with me resolving to stop thinking so much and just take a risk and move FORWARD. Yet, I seem to manage to end up back at the same starting point over and over again.

The general thought process goes something like this:

I am not fulfilled at my job. This job is not what I want to do with my life.

But I don't know what I do want to do with my life, so what is the alternative?

Maybe I should go back to school.

But in what? Isn't it a waste of tuition to get a degree without knowing what you want to do with it?

Maybe I should find another job and try something else out.

Begin researching jobs online.

I need a masters degree in something to get the jobs that actually sound interesting. Everything else is just what I am doing now with either (1) less responsibility or (2) worse hours.

Maybe I should take a government job doing what I'm doing now where at least I'd be better compensated...

If I never take a risk at a new career, I'll never have the opportunity to make it better. Sure, it might be worse, but that is a chance you have to take!

Maybe I should go back to school to really look at new careers in a new field. Maybe I should take a chance that I was right about the degree I wanted to get 3 years ago.

Maybe I'm just not interested in working at all. All I want to do is go to school and have a family. I don't have any real career goals.

If I don't have any goals about how to use the degree, wouldn't it be better to not have the debt?

Rinse and repeat. Now think about that about 10x per day, everyday, and you'll understand a little bit better how it is to live inside my head.
Luckily, I have a very understanding husband who pretends that he is not tired of hearing the same discussion over and over again.