Friday, December 30, 2011

I really can not believe New Years Eve is tomorrow. The last day of 2011. What a year it has been!

It only takes a second for me to close my eyes and remember what the first 6 months of 2011 were. A lot of shots, appointments, co-pays, tears, bad phone calls, beta numbers, heartbreak, blood, transfers, embryos lost, and a string of hope that couldn't have been thinner. It still blows my mind when I think about what we endured to get this healthy pregnancy.

Little Man was transferred mid-June and although we were cautious and scared, we knew he would be our fighter. I haven't been emotional during this pregnancy.. don't think I have cried other than funerals. I think I am bottling it up for when I hold him for the first time. Every ounce of pain we felt for six months will be washed away when we have our angel in our arms.

I raise my glass of Welches grape juice to 2012. Cheers, health and happiness for all!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

After we got home from Toms Moms house, we got Trevor to bed as quickly as possible and started building. Tom was in charge of the big train table and I worked on the Thomas one for around the tree. We watched movies and hung out, wrapped a few gifts and the time flew by. Before we knew it, it was 2am!

Trevor slept until 8 and we brought him to bed for snuggles before checking out what Santa brought. This is what he found:

He loved the train table AND the Thomas train. He was super cooperative and enjoyed opening all of his gifts. He got some useful items..plate, bowl, utensils, cups. He got some instruments, a few movies, clothes, art supplies, a few books, etc. Oh yes, and tools for his bench. Those have been a huge hit! Tom bought me a Willow angel, a Pandora charm and pajama pants. I was very happy! Tom got an iPhone a few days before, so we ordered him his Bears case. I debated a lot of other items for him and decided on something I couldn't wrap. In his card, I wrote that I will plan a date once a month. Ill pick the date, arrange a sitter, make the reservations, etc. I will inform him of the plans on the 1st of the month. I am doing this because Tom and I have a hard time making time to be alone. Sure, we relax together after Trevor goes to bed. We enjoy our time with him and prefer to take him places we go. But, I really want to focus on our marriage in 2012, especially with the baby coming. We always have the option of a free sitter and need to take advantage of it more often! Thats my goal, I need to come up with something for January by Sunday. :)

We got a few gifts for baby brother.I had a book and teether and found a few holiday outfits on clearance a few days before Christmas. I cant wait to see him in them next year!

The rest of our day was LAZY! We had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, Trevor was tired early due to the night before and took a great nap. We went to see the Chipmunk movie, since Trevor loves them so much. It was a great day spent with our little family.

I mentioned Christmas morning was normal for us. As soon as Trevor woke up from his nap, we headed over to my parents house. Everyone was arriving and the kids were anxiously waiting for Uncle Tom to get there so we could start opening! I love Christmas at my parents. With all of the kids, its mass chaos. And we keep adding to the brood..little man is #7!

I wrapped a box and wanted to get this picture. Then, Mikey hopped in and we decided to do all of the kids!

Tom walked in the door and paper started flying. There are 4 of us siblings, plus my parents and my Aunt buy for all of the kids. Yep, they are totally spoiled that day. Trevor got some great toys, we got a pass to the Arboretum and my parents bought all of us adults Country Thunder tix.

Here are our little loves..Seriously, I am crazy about each and every one!

We had a delicious dinner, thanks to my brothers Italian girlfriend. We talked about our Florida trip. We laughed until we cried. I love my family so much..I always remind Tom how lucky he got marrying into it. ;)

Lastly, here is Rylan in her Christmas tutu. Of course, she needs one for each holiday. I bought her 5 bows for Christmas..the best part? I will get them back when I have a girl! Someday!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Most people are busy opening gifts and spending the day celebrating. We did our family Christmas yesterday, since Tom works today. Trevor and I had a normal morning and now he is napping. Ill write about Christmas later. My goal for now is to catch up until Christmas Eve!

I did my 1 hour glucose test almost 2 weeks ago and I passed it. I am a total sweet lover, even when not pregnant, so I was happy. :) I had an OB appointment that Wednesday. I am back to measuring on track and thrilled about that. I look small and feel small, so we were getting worried. It was a quick and easy appointment. I made the next 3, bringing me all the way to 36 weeks!

I haven't updated about our house purchase because..there hasn't been much movement. This process was a nightmare, I tell you. There was the offer and then the counters and then signing a contract and then getting the inspection done. Problems were found there and then there was the loan approval and an appraisal. Problems were found there. There was waiting and waiting and more waiting. Finally, this week, we told them to forget it. We are short on time and are pretty sure the house would need a lot of TLC and its just too much right now. We need to figure out how we do financially with 2 children and what my work schedule will be like. Luckily, we found a perfect rental! Its blocks from my sisters house as well as a downtown area with a library, shops, train station, etc. It has a full finished basement, tons of storage and a big fenced backyard. Its an actual house! We have been living in a small condo for so long, I am excited about hanging pictures and making a playroom and being able to buy in bulk because we have somewhere to put it! It looks like we will be moving the last week of Jan/first of Feb. That puts me at about 36 weeks pregnant, so I wont be much help. I cant wait to get there, get organized and make it our own.

The plan is for me to watch children at the house starting in April. I have watched children at other homes with Trevor in tow and never had a problem. Now, I cant expect to bring a breastfeeding newborn and a 2 year old to work. I am hoping I am able to line up a few children before baby boy comes..or soon after. I hope I can fill the spots and relax while on maternity leave.

We've been busy having holiday fun this whole month. I wont lie, I already packed up a lot of our decorations late last night. Its a mix of nesting and being so anxious to move and have more space!

We exchanged gifts with a few friends. Trevor is a professional present opener and has been excited about everything. He was such a joy this year. Ill never forget him singing Drummer Boy, Jingle Bells and Santa Clause is coming to town. He loved Santa more every time we saw him. He always told him he wanted cars. :)

We celebrated Christmas with Toms family a day early too. Trevor got a few toys and we got some money as a family. We decided to put it aside and buy Trevor all of the outdoor toys he will need when we move! He has a water table, so we need a picnic table, playhouse and sand box! Oh yes, and Toms dad generously offered to buy Tom a bulletproof vest. Tom has been working one shift a week in a bad neighborhood for extra money. Vests are $500+, so we are very thankful Daddy will be protected!

Seeing Christmas through Trevors eyes was really something special. Add that in with being 30 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby boy and that is a real gift.

I look so tired..this was about midnight, after we set out all the gifts and put together the trains.

How far along? 30 Weeks. Really, THIRTY weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: Up about 12 lbs. Hoping to be up 20, just like with Trevor

Maternity clothes? Yep, got a few new shirts to look decent when we go out. :)

Sleep: Better, actually

Best moment this week: Christmas with big brother!

Movement: He is still very active, but I do think he is getting cramped in there

Food cravings: Still hot chocolate

Gender: A boy!

Labor Signs: Contractions here and there, nothing big

Belly Button in or out? Still flattening

What I miss: Being able to breathe! And getting up without it being a struggle. ;)

Saturday, December 17, 2011

I was planning on doing a post about how I am 29 weeks pregnant. About my OB appointment this week as well as my glucose test. I want to talk about where we will be living when baby comes. About my thoughts on 2011 ending and 2012 beginning.

And yet, tonight, I cant stop thinking about how much I hate infertility.

Yesterday marked one year since I had my first FET. I remember it like it was yesterday. I started meds for it on Trevor's 1st birthday. I was astonished by how easy it was compared to a full IVF cycle. Before I knew it, it was time for transfer. I was sure I'd be having the best Christmas ever. I had done everything right.

Ill never forget how much pain I felt as my wait went on. I knew pretty quickly that it didn't work. I sat in the car at the end of the night, Christmas Day, and sobbed.

Here I am, about a year later. I am baking a son and so happy about that. But, why was it so hard to get here?

I am dreading not being pregnant any more. I am fearful of what it will take to make a third child. Will we go through our 6 frozen embryos quickly? Will we need to use our final IVF cycle? Will I have another miscarriage or chemical pregnancy? So many questions..no answers.

I have not given up on my dream to have 5 children. I dont think I ever will. I look at Trevors face, amazed that Tom and I can make something so beautiful, and it hurts knowing we cant do it on our own.

I have always said, IF scars run deep. I dont know what kind of battle we will endure to get pregnant again, but I know I will do whatever it takes to make my dream come true.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Trevor had his 2 year appointment on Friday. My fave doctor was back from her maternity leave, so we were glad to see her! He weighed in at 28lb. 1oz. and was 35 and 1/4 inches! He is about 50% for weight and 75% for height. He got a great report and excelled in all of the developmental checkpoints. He was a little nervous when we talked about going to the doctor, but he was a total ham for the nurse and doc. He stayed so still when she examined him and listened to all of the instructions. We got him mostly dressed and waited for his shot. Once again, not a single tear. He didnt even wince or whimper..I think he has my high pain tolerance. They like to see the kids at 2.5 years, so hopefully we wont be back before then.

I did ask about about setting up new baby with their practice and she said someone will come see him in the hospital. We didnt have that with Trevor because he was in the NICU, so Im hoping she will be the one on staff that day.

Trevor has made huge strides forward with potty training the past week. He has been peeing and pooping on his potty every day, many times a day. We only do it while at home. He isnt quite ready to do the whole process in public yet. We have him wear his undies at home and make a big deal when he goes. He does this funny celebratory dance; Ill have to get in on camera! I am totally impressed with his progress and hope he stays interested.