Saturday, February 6, 2010

...reflections on,"WOW...just, wow!"

as I move on past the miracle of God's last minute provision...the perfect timing of it all and the quiet way it came about...leave me filled with awe at the power of God...

I hadn't, for a moment, imagined that these funds could be available to me... I hadn't ever explored even the possibility...so when they were offered, it was so obvious that it was God's doing...and not something that I had somehow arranged or even considered...

and the timing...

it's not a usual thing for just the person I needed to speak with...to arrange access to the funds, to be "around" the day after they were released...and when he offered to cut a check that would tide me over...funds were moved, the check was written & signed and deposited into my account...where it would need a few days to "clear", before being, available...

less than a week after I made that deposit, a day or 2 after it cleared...my retirement check arrived in my account, but only half of the regular amount...they had taken 2 months premium for my health coverage out...just as I suspected that they would do...

and even thought the district "share" was there...I would have defaulted on my mortgage...besides having NO money to pay bills, utilities, etc...

I'd like to point out that I haven't seen the man... who took care of my check in such a timely manner since...

I went from a state of spending a great deal of mental energy...telling God that I trusted Him, completely... & chasing away the fear that the enemy was bombarding me with...

it was one of those moments when taking a step forward...will change everything... completely... forever...

it was a bit like the moment, 10 years ago... that my oncologist told me that all tests on the lymph gland they removed...were negative... the cancer had NOT metastasized...they got it all...and that I had a 99.997% chance of a full recovery, not just a remission...

I get an upset stomach & headache just trying to imagine...how awful it would be to lose everything...

but this path is calm & peaceful...

it has occurred to me that I haven't "found" a job...because God has "other" plans for me...that He wants me to spend His time...[time that He gave me when He cured my cancer]doing His work...

I know that all the "maybe" jobs seem to have drifted away...

I also know that any paying job I get will have His fingerprints all over it...

the funds that I have access to now, with careful stewardship...should last for at least 15-16 months...hopefully, the economy will have an upturn... & work will become easier to find before then...

but for now, I'm just trying to get my brain around all this...

and also rest...

all during my cancer diagnosis & leading up to the surgery...I was very calm & felt that God was protecting me...remembering that time made it easier to deal with this crisis...but just like it was, after the cancer verdict was revealed...I find myself calm, but exhausted...just wanting to sleep...

then, it was exacerbated by my reaction to the anesthesia...now, it's the allergies & my reaction to them...