Saturday, February 16, 2008

At first I was a little unimpressed by this; after reading The Dirt a few years back not even detailed diaries of Nikki's drug use could compare to the disgusting sexual stuff that went on in that band- (which was easily more disturbing than anything Nikki shot into his arm). But the more I read the more I admired him for writing it. He really must have been lonely even at the height of his fame. People were using him, he didn't have a wife or family, his parents completely failed him, etc., etc. I just feel so bad about all of it, thinking of him as a little kid wondering where his mother was or when she was coming back to him and not knowing anything about his dad. I just want to find that little kid and try to make it better or play with him or just give him a big hug......poor kid. The best, most positive come-uppance I think is concerning his birthday---at the height of his drug use he wrote that it was his birthday (december sometime) and no one called him or even came by and that he was completely alone with his drugs and nothing else......later after he got sober and had all his kids he came back from being on tour during his birthday to be surprised with handmade birthday cards from his kids.....this is the sort of thing that breaks my heart, in a good way.

I know it's foolish to try to identify with celebrities, but sometimes we forget they were peoples' babies; many of them don't have happy memories of their childhoods. So Nikki, kudos for getting it off your chest and putting it out there for the world to read. You had a hard time--probably the hardest ever, but you picked yourself up and that's awesome. And if it would make any impact at all, I would sing you a thousand songs, bake you a thousand Christmas cookies, give you a thousand hugs, and color you one thousand birthday cards.