Turning From Abortion to LIFE

Here we are at Noah’s first checkup at a few days after birth. You can see his eyes are still bloodshot from shoulder dystocia.

I had the second letter all prepared for the abortion doctor before Noah was born, aside from what was supposed to be a brief update about Noah’s birth. Of course that had to be written after I gave birth.

In contemplating this element of the letter, my heart and mind were whirling with what had taken place in the delivery. It was an extreme and deeply emotional experience. How could I summarize the significance of these parallels that I was only beginning to comprehend?

During Noah’s first weeks I attempted a few unsatisfactory drafts. I worked very hard on one which grew to be much too long.

‘Too much.’ I thought, ‘This doctor doesn’t even know me. But what should I share of this miracle with him?’

I kept trying and finally, a month later, I settled on the amount of detail I felt could be comfortable and appropriate for both of us. I even included the story of the cumbersome but special purple heart painting I had carried to the clinic. It was the story of a real dream I had that represented the glimpse of the promise the Lord had shown me for him.

Everything was fresh, and even at that time I didn’t realize some of the most astounding details of what the Lord had demonstrated to me through Noah’s birth. It was continuing to transform my prayers and motivate me.

Below the video is the second letter in written form some pictures are repeated from the previous blog post because I included them in the letter I sent.

Here is that first half of the second letter (the video contains the letter as well),

The second part of the birth video:

Dear Dr. ——,

Hello! I hope all has been well with you and your family these past weeks. Along with the letter I promised to send, that I wrote four years ago, I have included the short story of why I made the great big purple heart painting, and an update about Noah’s birth.

Noah Cedric made his entry into the sunshine on April 18.

He was a week overdue and there was quite a bit of drama when it came to pushing him out. He was stuck due to shoulder dystocia, a frightening and unpredictable complication where the shoulder gets stuck on the pubic bone after the baby’s head is delivered. The doctor who delivered Noah expertly reached in to twist him free within under a minute of identifying the problem. If he had remained stuck there for even five minutes he would likely be brain damaged. If she had tugged too hard, or even my pushing could have damaged his nerves resulting in losing the use of one of his arms. He was unresponsive and rushed over to where the NICU team was waiting to work on him. Moments later we all rejoiced as we heard his strong cry. After that we all had a good cry. Noah was completely unharmed!

Imagine the surprise in the room when they announced to me that I had given birth to a “toddler”! Noah weighed 10 lbs 9 ozs! While they worked on Noah the doctor had to stabilize me because I was postpartum hemorrhaging.

This doctor saved my life and Noah’s life too!Isaac and Lily are meeting Noah shortly after his birth. (Just look at Isaac’s happy face!)

As they wheeled Noah and I to the recovery room I was in shock. I thought about the cost of choosing life. Unpredictable, dangerous, excruciating, and we were unharmed, but what if things had turned out differently? I looked at beautiful baby Noah in my arms and the weight of my responsibility to him was not lost on me, costly. But is there another way? No, not without destroying Noah.

What an honor to be a vessel that life can fill and flow through. I would go through it a million times to choose him. We are thankful beyond measure.

Dr. —— and the Purple Heart

(A True Short Story That You May or May Not Have a Chuckle About)

It was sometime during the Fall 40 Days for Life 2015 campaign when I had the dream of painting a new heart, one for you Dr. ——. (Bear with me, this may seem a bit silly to you.)

The red heart painting I carried to the clinic with me each business day I painted a few years ago with specific intentions. I had painted one large heart for myself and others varying in size for each of my children to hold, along with a tiny baby heart. I had hoped that they would speak of the value and beauty of life at all stages, and most importantly that we were standing in love.

In the dream I caught sight of a heart painting for you. The painting was quite large, almost as tall as me plus a few times wider. The background was brilliant; many colors of the rainbow were blended together perfectly. Now, in the dream, I was supposed to paint this heart for you. I set to work on a blank canvas. Try as I might I just couldn’t replicate anything like the one I had seen. I blended colors and tried, but failed with just the background.

When I woke up I had a good laugh at myself. I am not a skilled painter so I wasn’t surprised that I couldn’t blend colors magnificently, even in a dream. I contemplated the dream for days. ‘Why don’t I paint a new heart for Dr. ——? I could at least try. I could purchase a large canvas like the one I saw in the dream.’ I thought.

So that’s what I set out to do. I bought all the colors to blend, a special paintbrush, a huge canvas. Then I set to work. Carefully squeezing out the colors, I worked slowly. Sure enough, just like in my dream, I couldn’t replicate any splendor. Again, I wasn’t surprised.

“I guess I can paint the background silver,” I told my children who were in the living room with me, “but I still don’t know what color to paint the heart because all I remember from the dream is the beautiful background.”

They all began to chime in with suggestions. “Purple, it has to be purple!” my oldest, Kaitlin, was the most insistent.

“A purple heart for Dr. ——?! Isn’t that kind of girly? Why would I paint him a purple heart? I think that’s a little silly.” I laughed. “But it would look nice with silver.”

I considered this for a minute. Of all the colors purple was the only one that made sense for some reason. Weird. So purple and silver it became. Then, I began to lug the enormous painting to the sidewalk when I was able to, even though Fulton St. wind threatened to carry me off when I held it, and moving to allow a safe exit from the clinic became a little awkward. I’m sure you have seen this a few times in passing!

It wasn’t until months later in thinking about the painting that the purple made sense. I know full well that all my intentions, love, prayers, standing, painting, and writing – any action I take, I cannot paint you a “new heart”. Matters of heart are strictly between a human and God. It is a matter of CHOICE. God will not force you to receive this new heart I caught sight of in a dream. He is love.

I have been praying for the courage to choose life for yourself to fill you. In the last letter I sent you I wrote about a new eternal legacy of life that will not be taken away from you. I believe the Purple Heart represents that legacy. Purple is a color of royalty, wealth, authority and kingship. All that you are invited into and God desires for you. A new life He is able to give to you.

Despite the fact that I cannot choose for you, I have faith that you will receive this promise. I have hope in Christ that one day I will be able to meet you as brother, shake your hand and rejoice with you. I hope that the letter I wrote four years ago speaks to a truth you have kept silent deep within your heart. That you have seen the same tears of the women who choose abortion, even more than I, that you have cried your own tears and desire peace for your own heart even more that I can desire it for you …