Monday, October 12, 2009

NEW YORK — In a press announcement that shocked the pop music world to its core, Lady Gaga told the world that she has internal testicles.

Lady Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta, has been one of the biggest musical artists of 2009, selling over 20 million digital singles and 3 million albums worldwide. She garnered critical and commercial success with the release of her album The Fame released in August of 2008. Since then she has been nominated for and won many awards and accolades, making herself one of the biggest names in music.

Lady Gaga told reporters that she compelled to come clean after witnessing “the whole [Caster] Semenya mess.” Semenya, a South African world champion middle-distance runner had questions raised about her gender after taking the gold medal at the 2009 World Championships in Athletics. “I just saw the way she was treated and how the whole thing has been blown way out of porportion,” Lady Gaga told her audience.

Lady Gaga said that she would return her TMF award for Best Female Artist. “I have internal testicles,” she said, “and the increased testosterone may have given me an unfair competitive advantage that allows me to jump higher, run faster, and earn more money on average than my truly female counterparts.”