As you read this, Steny Hoyer's vacuum-packaged visage is smiling its way toward giving President Bush broad authority to wiretap probably you, because you're reading this (unless you're one of the many loyalists from Fox News), and me.

The NSA spies on my case detail will go bored out of their minds because half the contacts in my "phonebook" are too important to take my calls, and the rest are disgruntled former girlfriends stretching back to high school.

I'm disappointed that Hoyer is letting the Bush administration wiretap me. I oppose it on principle. I believe that "government transparency" was intended as a window into the senior levels of authority, not as a window into my private life for Republican Homeland Security perverts like Brian J. Doyle.

Wow, am I sounding like some kooked out liberal? I should just join the Republican Party and learn to tolerate their Pagan sex rituals, which extend to every possibly branch of government, eh-hem, Clarence Thomas.

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Hoyer has severely disappointed this country. On wiretapping, the coward has only promised that Democrats will not provide immunity to the telecommunications industry for rampantly breaking criminal laws. Ha, ha, ha! Yeah RIGHT!!!

Right now, lobbyists for the telecommunications industry are making sweet love to moderate Democratic Senators and Representatives. The implications are clear. Democrats promised change in Iraq, and Washington got to them. They promised accountability for the White House, and Washington got to them. They promised to stand up for us, and Washington got to them.

Hoyer has promised no immunity for the telecommunications industry. Well you can bank on immunity. And you know what else you can bank on? Democrats capitulating to Big Business and the flogging Republicans every single day they go to work.

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The fact that in 2007 we even have to read about Democrats passing wiretapping for President Bush is indicative of the misplaced and inherently flawed loyalties Democrats keep in Washington DC. They have no friends in this country. And neither do Republicans. They are completely out of touch with the 70 percent of Americans sick and tired of President Bush and his authoritarian policies.

I wish that they would for once wake up in any other part of the country, pick up the newspaper over their morning coffee and read, from an outsider's perspective, what they are doing in DC. I wish they would for one moment understand the utter hopelessness their capitulation brings to those of us who care about the future of this country.