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Just doing my weekly repertoire list (the six 'old' pieces to brush up on) and thinking of the old Patsy Gallant song 'Form Calais To New York, from New York to Calais). I actually did think it was Calais when I first heard it on the wireless in 1978 or so. It was on one of these old K-Tel compilations called Don't Walk, Boogie which I had.

A recent episode of 'Pointless' featured a whole round of misheard lyrics, some of which aren't mentioned on here. I never even thought of 'no dogs or cats are in the classroom' (Pink Floyd), 'it doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not' (Bon Jovi) or 'the ants are my friends' (Bob Dylan).

One that even Richard Osman wouldn't have heard of is 'God Is High' by Welsh singer David Wrench. It's a melancholic song with solo piano and voice and no, it's not on Youtube so no link to post, but it goes something like 'there's too much peace in here, too much peace, it's all too quiet, but the Jewish girl is leaving me......'

I made contact with David on Twitter and quoted the lyrics, he said I misheard Jewish, the actual lyrics were 'the Judas girl'.

There used to be quite a plethora of electronica on the Welsh (especially the Cymraeg) music scene in the early 90s but at that time Mr Wrench was singing with a band called Nid Madagascar, which was quite poor compared with mainstream artists of the time such as Pet Shop Boys and Depeche Mode, Erasure even.

God Is High was featured on a various artists compilation (again, there were lots of those at the time) on the mainly Cymraeg Ankst record label (it was the only English language song on the album), 'Ap Elvis', 'O'r Gad'....was on one of them.

Some silly Christmassy ones now that I've given one of my CDs its first airing in 2014. 'When the foreman came in sight' (Good King Wenceslas), 'No Ale, No Ale, No Ale, No A-le' (The First Noel), 'Hark the Herod angels sing', 'Gaylord we greet thee' (O Come...). And one from Sir Paul, Simply Had it, a wonderful Christmas time. When the song came out in '79, I actually did think the past tense were the actual lyrics!

Last year I said about 'Our Holly bares her bottom', in the same song is 'Our Holly bears her bu-um'. Substitute the final letter of Christmas cheer.

Talking of Paul McCartney's take on the Crossroads Motel theme in another thread, it got me thinking of another one by Wings from around 1973-ish 'Silly moo. Silly moo. Silly moo is she. Silly moo. Silly moo. Silly moo are we'.

The Baccara one I was mentioning elsewhere I always thought was 'Yes Sir, I can boogie, but I need a Southern song'. It was a certain song. Southern makes less sense than certain but how do you expect a seven year old boy to know that!

Love Is All Around by Elvis Presley's long lost cousin from Andover; 'It's written in the weigh-in, it's everywhere I go'. Thought of that one whilst I was doing my own weekly weigh in (up another half a kg).

'They told me last night there were ships in the offy - not southern but Blow The Wind Southerly. In case you don't know, an 'offy' is British street slang for a shop that sells alcoholic beverages for consumption off the premises. Like 'Bargain Booze' or 'Thresher' sort of thing.

I was saying on another music-related forum a while back (before I got excommunicated from it for the fourth time) that there's this cheap and brainless, but quite obviously big selling pop song I heard on the instore radio station in work that went something like 'I'm a cigarette, I'm a cigarette, I'm a cigarette'. It was on again yesterday and I've found out its title.

It is 'Single Ladies', or ' Put A Ring On It', by Beyonce, pronounced 'bee-yon-say'. Apparently, cigarette is single lady. Off to put my head down the khazi:

then how I wish it could be Christmas every day, when the kids start singing and the band begins to play, etc.

What empty words they utter between what they perceive to be 'the songs we love' takes some beating, especially the two who are on in the morning whose names are Dan and Lindsay and whose existence as humanoid robots is a very credible point:

Hello Dan!Helloooo there, Linzwell Dan, I bet you're glad you're not Ollie Murs?OOh, what's he been up to then, Linzweeelllll, he's only gone and....BLOWN HIS NOSE!!!!!

Its at times like this when I really wondered why I used to despise Derek Jameson in the mawnin' on Radio 2. 'well, what about that Gorbachev bloke eh, what d'ya fink of 'im then, eh?'

Gill the Piano wrote:What station are they on? Mental note to avoid that one...

The instore radio station at the Co-Op, 'Co-Operative Radio'. But please don't let it put you off shopping there. It doesn't put me off working there...in fact they used to play the Stone Roses on there until their (presumed) PRS agreement ran out.

It is so bad, it's Brilliant. The ads they carry for their special offers and deals are very useful indeed.

Asda have an awful one in there. At least Waitrose don't believe in piping braindead muzak to its shoppers.

Co-Operative Radio is nothing to do with the Co-Operative Group or any of the smaller Co-Op societies. It is produced by some retail music agency that may also produce automated 'radio stations' for other retailers - it's possible Dan and Lindsay could be regailing Next shoppers with their 'Radio Minus 1' drivel and cheap, unartistic, but sells a lot of copies music.

The sad thing about working on a Saturday morning is that I miss Record Review on Radio 3, thank goodness for BBC iPlayer.

There is an irony here. It was actually the Co-Op that pioneered the practice of playing classical music outside their stores in order to deter council estate youths on BMX bikes from hanging around their store entrances harrassing customers - and it was proven to work!