Yeah, Unreal got the damn Barbie e-mail. Everyfuckingone got the damn Barbie e-mail. But Unreal didn't write about the damn Barbie e-mail. Because Unreal had seen the Barbie e-mail before. Like, years ago. Because, you see, the Barbie e-mail has been making its way around for a long, l-o-n-g time.

"If Barbie lived in your 'hood, would she look like this?" doesn't inform readers of the staleness factor. But that's about the only stone Cynthia Billhartz Gregorian leaves unturned in her 800-word opus, which, as it wends its merry way, accosts a Mattel spokeswoman, a Maplewood resident (and, to balance the Missouri-Illinois variation factor, one from O'Fallon on the east side) and -- are you sitting down? -- an emeritus professor of sociology and public policy administration.

If you're reading this and you are partly responsible for making "If Barbie lived in your 'hood, would she look like this?" one of the week's most e-mailed P-D stories, well, we pray for your poor lost soul.