30 August 2011

Last night I had the opportunity to drive about 2hrs away to worship with Shane & Shane. Super blessed my girl Tristan could come with me on the drive...and she got a break from her three kids. Figured this time around my camera worked, so I might as well stay around to take a pic.

Super anointed worship! I recommend you check out their new CD - The One you need.

23 August 2011

I excel when I work out with other people are with me. Specifically, I love workout classes. Seriously. It's like, motivation for me to go workout. I HAVE to go. Or something. I dunno. But I like them, and I hope Ft Campbell has some... and when I get back to Hawaii and only have a couple weeks... it'll be sad because I'm sure fitness will go out the window.

Time for bed. G'night.

PS-I needed to shout out. My good friend Natasha bought this for me for Christmas. Well not exactly like the one posted, mine ALSO holds a race bib...but she bought it because she knew one day I would do another race, and my old race belt was dead (hand me down from Neil). Anyway. This belt...rocks my socks. I use it EVERYTIME I do my Ct5K workout. You can put a LOT of stuff in that stretchy little pocket. One time I put my ipod, sunglasses, ID, & car key inside. Impressive. And it fits perfectly in the small of my back. Thanks girl. I really love it. :)

16 August 2011

Howzit. It's been a while. I find myself fighting to go to bed early, and somehow still go to bed around 10pm, but trying to get up at 430 (not likely, usually like 455/5am) and rushing in morning to get to class. Anyway, so I always want to write a blog before bed, but I know it'll only add lots of time before I get to sleep. So I don't.

But today, thankfully I'm not as crazy tired as I normally am... so at lunch instead of taking my little siesta, I've opted to buy some songs on ITunes (Thanks Lei for gift card from long time ago!)... and then I thought, "You know, I am useless with my time in the mornings and don't have QT, so today at lunch, I'll be productive... and I read Jon Courson's devo for today. Holy. Smokes. After I tell you about my afternoon yesterday, you'll understand God's perfect timing on this devo.

August 16

O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand.

Psalm 95:6-7 (a)

Here, the psalmist says, “Let us bow down. Let us kneel.” Clapping hands, standing in awe, lifting the head are all spoken of in the Scriptures as ways we can demonstrate worship. Although worship is stimulated in the heart and can be demonstrated through the body, I have found that sometimes demonstration through my body works stimulation in my spirit. That is, when I’m dry and I don’t sense the Lord’s presence as I once did, I find that when I bow my knees before Him or lift my hands to Him, something happens deep within me and my heart is stirred.

In the morning - when my mind might be foggy and my body might be tired - if I’ll kneel down before the Lord, if I’ll lift up my hands and praise His name, if I’ll sing loudly in my study, if I’ll worship enthusiastically, even though my spirit may not initially be on board, it doesn’t take long for it to respond accordingly. That’s why the psalmist doesn’t say, “Do these things if you feel like it.” He says, “Do these things, period.” Worship is not based on feeling. Worship is based on who God is. And He is merciful, generous, wonderful, and loving.

When the wise men made their way to Bethlehem, bearing gold, frankincense, and myrrh, Jesus was not yet two years old. Thus, they obviously weren’t hoping to get anything from Him. Instead, they brought their gifts to Him simply because they realized that He was the Promised One, the King. Whether they felt anything or not was irrelevant.

All things were made by Him and for His pleasure. Therefore, when I am pleasing the Lord by worshipping Him, I am actually fulfilling the very purpose for my existence (Revelation 4:11).

What a hit on my heart about worship.

Let me tell you about yesterday, and then you'll see the perfect timing in this all.

Yesterday I had an orthodontist appt here at Keesler. Huge blessing, they don't normally see students, but because I pleaded and told her I basically just need my bands changed so they don't get crazy gross, she agreed (part of it might have been because she's new too :D bwahaha, but still it worked out). My appt was at 3pm, I didn't get back to my room until 4:30. Because there were some conversations about my jaw, my previous surgeries. One of the more discouraging things was seemingly she was telling me that my muscles will always be like this, and my natural relaxed state for my jaw will always be crooked (how my bottom jaw drops down to the left. That was depressing. Then she was telling me that the TMJ pain (now called TMD since TMJ stands for Temporomandibular Joint and Muscle) is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life and that there are alternative ways to treat it...blah blah blah. She went to tell me that I should take 800mg motrin, but I told her I already take that at least once a day, to include my flexiril twice a day...and then she said I would need to see a pain clinic. That... was one of the most frustrating things someone can hear. For me, someone telling me to go to a pain clinic means, "This pain will never go away..." because I had already been to a pain clinic for back issues earlier in my life.

I was frustrated. Helpless. Hopeless. Thinking that a 26yr old would live with this pain for the rest of my life (my frustration was exasperated because my jaw started popping yesterday for whatever reason).

Then I heard this little voice, "Aren't I enough?"

In brokeness I sighed, "no." No God, I want these doctors to make me better. I want these doctors to do something that made the pain go away.

And He reminded me... "Be perfect as I am perfect." Perfection isn't just without sin... it's to be whole.

That's all I wanted. I wanted to be whole. Have a whole mouth of teeth. Have a whole body that works...

But God in me, the Holy Spirit in me...that makes me whole.

So you see... I was reminded yesterday about being fulfilled in Him. And today, reminded about worshiping Him. Not because of me, or anything that has happened, but because of who He is.

06 August 2011

Being in MS without the family (well, without the kid) has proven to be a double-edged sword. Although it is nice to not have to worry about being home so he can take a nap, and not having to take him in and out of the carseat when I run errands, I do miss him immensely (even as much as he has turned into a terrible two toddler). However, since he is not with me, I am trying to make the most of my free time here. That means working out (practically every day, for up to 2-2.5 hrs a day), and on the weekend, enjoying the mornings of sleeping in, and the search for a nice coffee place to have quiet time (and for this weekend only-finish my Masters HW).

Yesterday I was reminded to be on the lookout for the adulterous woman (or man in my case) in Proverbs 5..."pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of the adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil." (vv 1-3). It was a timely reminder that in my developing relationships here on my TDY, I needed to "Guard [my] heart, for it is the wellspring of life," (Prov 4:23). I was reminded that I needed to keep my heart with all diligence, because "out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander..." (Matt 15:19).

But this morning, there was a serious heart check as I read:

Do not lust in your heart after [his] beauty or let [him] captivate you with [his] eyes.

-Prov 6:25

Some of you may know that I did a devotional a while ago during a womens' event for our church. And I challenged the girls with one thing-to be honest with themselves (and an accountability partner), because lust, is NOT just a guy thing. We (girls) struggle with it too. But hardly anyone will come out and say, "I'm a chick, and I struggle with lust." So I did. In front of how many girls. It was good, I think.

Anyway. I think I started to get prideful, thinking that I had "overcome" that struggle, or had moved past it somehow. But God knew better, and the Spirit convicted me hardcore this morning. I studied the verse more...

Lust: To desire; to take pleasure in

Heart: Inner man, mind, will

Then I started to read Keil and Delitzsch Biblical Commentary and it read, "imagination of the sinful act exhausts the body even more than the act itself." And I started reading, and I read through all these commentaries, and I started to cry.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. I love him a lot. He is a great man, an amazing father, an awesome cheerleader and supporter. But my heart is deceitfully wicked (Jer 17:9), and this is a struggle that I have. I have an adulterous heart. And Jesus said, "everyone that looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart," (Matt 5:28).

I have not been deeply convicted like this in a long time. I suppose that shows my relationship with God, how distant I have been, attending church, being shallow in conversations... but this. Was deep. This was the Spirit, putting me in the fire and allowing my impurities to rise to the top. And it was ugly.

But our God is faithful.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me... Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; and broken, contrite heart, O God, you will not despise..."

I can hardly type it without crying. How great is our God! He sees my wickedness, and yet he still loves me. "If we confess our sins, he is FAITHFUL and JUST and WILL FORGIVE us our sins and PURIFY us from ALL unrighteousness." (1 Jn 1:9).