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Baby Gender Disappointment: How to Cope

January 8, 2008

Gender disappointment is a controversial topic of parenting and is rarely talked about. And although many women may not admit it, it is quite common for pregnant women to have a preference when it comes to the gender of their baby.

Reasons For Disappointment Over Baby Gender

There are many reasons why women may prefer a specific gender and may feel disappointed in the gender of their unborn baby. One of these could be the fact they were once abused as a child. Some mothers who were abused during childhood may feel anxiety and unable to cope with having a boy especially if they were abused by a male. And if they are having a girl, they may feel that they won't be able to protect her from an abuser.

However, doctors say that once the mom gives birth to her baby boy, her feelings will go away and she should be fine. But in the case of the baby girl, these feelings may still last or even worsen because the mom may feel that she can no longer protect her baby girl. In these situations, doctors advise moms to remember that it is impossible to protect children 24 hours a day and that child abuse is not a result of bad parenting skills, but due to awful and inappropriate behavior from the abusers part.

Another reason why women may be partial to a specific gender is because they may feel that they cannot connect with a particular gender or they may have several children of the same gender already. Also, they may feel pressure from family members. But doctors say it is okay to feel disappointed over the loss of the baby you wanted. To get over your loss, doctors suggest writing a letter to the lost child explaining your feelings and thoughts. You might also want to write a letter to the child you are having and tell them that you want to have a child of the opposite sex. And after you have written your letters, have your own ritual where you burn the letters or bury them in the sand.