All-All American team

Now that our nation has returned to reality after its brief dalliance with a sport called futbol, the arrival of July 4th reminds us it's time to get back to what truly matters: a sport called football.

To help get you in the mood, we've made like Betsy Ross and stitched together a roster from the NFL's stars and stripes (or, more accurately, stripe-jerseyed stars). Feel the patriotism…then go eat a wiener, drink a beer, and play sports that require the use of your hands.

23 Photos Total

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Aaron M. Sprecher/NFL

Quarterback: Tom Brady

America is about shooting for the stars…and there’s simply no better example of aspirations achieved than Brady. Sure, he’s Hollywood-level handsome, but a sixth-round pick who rarely started in college who winds up winning Super Bowls for a team called ‘Patriots’, then marrying a supermodel? Congratulations, Tom…you ARE Captain America.

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Charles Rex Arbogast/Associated Press

Quarterback: Brian Hoyer

Then again, maybe a slightly built bald man who only gets to start after every other option has been expired is the American dream. He’s at least worthy of a spot on our team.

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Paul Sancya/Associated Press

Running back: Reggie Bush

Will he run in 2016 to keep the Bush Presidential Dynasty going? Time will tell. Meantime, Lions fans will settle for him continuing to run like he did in 2013.

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Timothy T. Ludwig/USA TODAY Sports

Fullback: Frank Summers

What’s more American than a frank(further) at a summer barbecue? (That was a rhetorical question. The answer is ‘nothing’…as long as you don’t overdo it like those competitive gluttons on Coney Island.)

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Michael Perez/Associated Press

Wide receiver: Larry ‘F Scott’ Fitzgerald

If sharing the surname of the author of the Great American novel isn’t reason enough, it just makes good football sense to have that pair of hands on the team.

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David Goldman/Associated Press

Wide receiver: Pierre Garcon

Befitting of the American melting pot, a French-named Floridian who went to college in Vermont and Ohio and now plays in our nation’s capital belongs on this team.

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Jeremy Brevard/USA TODAY Sports

Tight end: D.C. Jefferson

Not 100% positive if ‘DC’ stands for ‘District of Columbia’…but I think it’s safe to assume it does.

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James D. Smith /Associated Press

Offensive lineman: Doug Free

Francis Scott Key gives him the ultimate name drop at the end of his patriotic diddy. The least we can do is put him on our team.

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Ron Chenoy/USA TODAY Sports

Offensive lineman: Winston Justice

First name: cigarette brand; surname: the American legal system (theoretically).

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Al Golub/Associated Press

Offensive lineman: Lincoln Kennedy

Might need some work to get back in game shape, but two presidential names is good enough for me.

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University of Michigan

Offensive lineman: Gerald Ford

He was a president who played football. Enough said.

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Greg Trott/Associated Press

Offensive lineman: Tyler Polumbus

His surname is one letter away from matching Christopher Columbus’. (Alright, fine, it’s a reach…But so was hanging a “Mission accomplished” sign.)

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Bob Leverone/Associated Press

Defensive lineman: Star Lotulelei

Star Lotulelei – Now if we can just find 49 more, the blue square on our flag will be all set.

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Darron Cummings/Associated Press

Defensive lineman: Ryan Pickett

A home with a white picket fence is the American ideal. Pickett’s as wide as a fence in front of a ½ acre house, and when fits the rest of the equation when the Packers are in their road jerseys.

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Aaron M. Sprecher/NFL

Defensive lineman: Vince Wilfork

The body double of our plus-sized 27th President William Howard Taft is a must for this team.

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Elaine Thompson/Associated Press

Defensive lineman: Jackson Jeffcoat

Don’t know what a Jeff Coat is, but it’s gotta be better than a red coat.