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The Comfort of Real Friendship

Olaf Isaachsen once said, “I like you to the extent that I’m comfortable with myself in your presence.”

If we look at our close friends – not business contacts or acquaintances, we know their real gift to us is the comfort they bring us. True friends are rare treasures. We often overlook issues with them we would never tolerate in acquaintances. Everyone needs this safe harbor to thrive in the world. We can face the challenges out there if we have people near us who love us as we are and as we are not.

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thought nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”

Perhaps all our relationships should start with a disclaimer: “As is.” That might save a lot of marriages! If we knew we weren’t there to change our beloved, but simply there to witness their life unfolding, we might get along better. Many relationship conflicts come from unmet expectations. Communicate the expectations, negotiate the important things, and let the rest go.

Yes, we do have to adjust ourselves a little to fit our significant other’s needs, but we shouldn’t have to raze the building and start over. if that’s what you want, find a different partner. The rest is just process.

It takes many decades to figure out most of life is smoke and mirrors, fluff and vanity. A clearer inner vision is the gift as our outer vision dims. We may lose the sureness of our youthful physical beauty, but we find ourselves growing and celebrating inner beauty — both our own and the beauty in those around us. It’s a process of learning to celebrate who we are, as we are, where we are.

At the end of the day, the most important friend we can develop is the one who stares back at us in the mirror.

About Beth Terry

Beth Terry, CSP, is a speaker, coach, writer and cowgirl. Her audiences are from around the world: she has spoken to almost half a million people in 6 countries. Her passion is watching the "popcorn popper" go off in people's heads when they 'get it.'

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