Recently, the Aurora Fox Theatre performed its rendition of the classic musical Hairspray on the Green in Stapleton. The Stapleton Green is not a perfect venue for a musical piece, however, the Aurora Theatre group performed wonderfully and entertained the hundreds that showed up to enjoy the show. “We are happy with the performance tonight,” said Aurora Fox Theatre Director Sylvia Aguilar. “The group did a great job, and we couldn’t be more pleased with the audience reaction here in Stapleton.”
“I thought they did a great job,” said audience member Trevor Chickerneo. “The singing was tremendous, and they really brought the characters to life.” Other audience members agreed. “Great performance, and even though my kids didn’t understand any of it, they really had a great time,” said Angela Fisher.

According to University of Colorado lead Atmospheric Scientist Brendan Davis, not everything about the show was positive. “Although I am certain the wonderful performers from Aurora Fox Theatre put on a good show, I am just as certain that show put a little bit of hurt on our ozone,” said Davis. “They may have not used actual hairspray in the performance, but just talking about it, or glorifying it, can actually hurt the Ozone.

Davis does not have any immediate solutions for the issue. “I guess you could change the name, but it may take another ten years before people just call it the new title. My hope is that they maybe rename it, ‘Baltimore: Formerly Hairspray,’ and we can eventually just drop the ‘Hairspray’ portion. Overall, theatre-goers agree that the collateral damage to the ozone was worth the great show they saw.

Editor’s Note: This ridiculous story was published in honor of my dad, who outside of my immediate family and some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins, may have been the only other person who appreciated the relevance of this article. To Dad (1949-2011)