Okay, Denizens, Part Deux of “Rip A New One For The Jackass Who Posted A Comment In An Old Thread” commences here with a post in the same thread as before, this time from someone going under the handle of “GWB”..

MERLIN: Oh, isn’t he just sooooooo clever…???

KORRIOTH: Too clever by half is more like it.

OZY MCCOOL: Really, m’Liege, can we not attract a better class of troll than this?

LSIK&T: (shrug) Eh. Maybe if I were a little more tolerant…

KORRIOTH: SNXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!! Damn, Admrial, how about a spew warning next time?!

MERLIN: You? Tolerant? That’ll be the day…

OZY MCCOOL:

LSIK&T: Awright, already! You guys can have your 10% raise!

ALL: (raucous cheering)

…who goes on to write

i agree with u sayin u’ve been throwin your vote out for lies u were given…

OZY MCCOOL: What, did e.e. cummings get reincarnated or sum’pin’?

MERLIN: Not unless I was drunk or Lancelot somehow got hold of my eye of newt.

OZY MCCOOL: What does Speaker Gingrich have to do with this…?

LSIK&T: Kor…?

KORRIOTH: (thwocks McCool upside the head)

OZY MCCOOL: Ow!

My last hope is Ron Paul cuz if america does not vote for him or if he gets elected and he turns out to be a lier like others also…

LSIK&T: I think I’d rather let you have unfettered access to the Romulan ale…

then base of this country is going to be in a great danger imposed by its own actions… consequences are going to show themselves for EVERYONE in this world not just americans… there will be hard times ahead of us if another lier gets elected to the office this time…!

KORRIOTH: Awright, in the first place – who’s this “lier” to whom this moron’s referring…?

Okay, boyz & girlz, it’s time once again to play His Rudeness’ 17th-favorite game, “Rip A New One For The Jackass Who Posted A Comment In An Old Thread”!!! (And no, I still haven’t found the list of the first 16.)

Today’s first contestant is a lame-assed loser from Corvallis, Oregon named “Ralphus”, who…

OZY MCCOOL: Sounds like vomiting to me.

MERLIN: Hell, if you spent your whole life in all that patchouli, you’d vomit too.

KORRIOTH: Can he help it if all he’s got up there are the Portland TrailBlazers?

Denizens, your homework assignment for this weekend is to read this essay by LC & IB Guy S. over at the Cigar Intelligence Agency (it’s crossposted at Snugg Harbor if for any reason the CIA link doesn’t work).

As you know, the Perfect Football Weekend, or PFW for short, is a weekly event whereby I track four or five of my favorite teams, from “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) to the pros. A PFW is scored when all of my teams win – or, in the case of some teams (Turner Gill, call your office), at least manage to cover the spread.

2. The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs. Season six of the enigma that is the odyssey known as the Gary Patterson Era begins September 1st when Baylor returns the visit that the Froggies paid ‘em last year. Patterson’s crew is once again picked to win the Mountain West Conference – but then, they were picked last year and went 0-for-Utah. Considering that the TU Shortdicks are on the schedule this year, 9-3 doesn’t sound too terrible.

3. The University of Oklahoma Sooners. Bob Stoops still loves to win and hates to lose. But he’s no longer the pompous ass this scribe took him for several years ago, so he’s again on my favorites list. He’s having to replace two-thirds of his 2006 starting backfield, but Malcolm Kelly will return at WR, so that’s bound to help. Look for a second-place finish in the Big 12 South.

4. The Louisiana State University Tigers. As long as Bo Pelini is still their defensive coordinator (as opposed to being Nebraska’s head coach, which is where he should be), this scribe will follow that team. Geaux Tigers!!!

5. The University of Buffalo Bulls. Coach Turner Gill (with whom I went to school Back In The Day) returns for his second season as UB head coach. Buffalo went 1-10 last year, and didn’t much cover the spread in that many of ‘em.

Hence, we change the rules a bit regarding the UBers: A victory will be scored for the Bulls when they either win, or come within 14 points of the spread (which will be posted on PFW Fridays). ‘Course, if they do as crappy this year, I’ll replace them with the Sisters of the Deaf, Halt & Blind.

6. The Dallas Cowboys. Wade Phillips (yeah, that’s Bum’s son) begins his tenure as Jerry Jones’ Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread. Tony Romo is now starting for the ‘Boys, so there’ll be no further posts entitled “Starring Drew Bledsoe as Vinny Testeverde”. I’m gonna go out on a limb and predict an 11-5 finish. (However, as long as they go 4-0 against Phuckadelphia and the Warshington Foreskins, the final record could be 4-12 for all I give a shit.)

As usual, I must issue the disclaimer that I follow my teams, and I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about yours. That’s what the comments are for (talk as much smack about your fave teams as you want), and as long as the libtards are cordial, they’re invited to talk about their teams, too.

First preseason games are in about two weeks, so let’s everyone gear up for F’ball, You Bet!!!

Tammy Faye Bakker Messner has passed at age 65. Her ex-husband, Jim Bakker, personified everything that was is wrong with the genre we know today as teleevangelism, when he single-handedly (single dick-ed-ly?) destroyed an entire industry with one single extramarital affair.

For five years thereafter, she portrayed the penultimate stand-by-her-man woman – the type that Queen Hilarious pooh-poohed in 1992 before becoming that type of woman herself. (Bill brings in that campaign cash, y’know.)

Spatula City BBS! extends its condolences to Tammy Faye’s family. You guys have our prayers.

You’re a star. A Big Man On Campus, as it were. Have been since your college days. You have endorsements running out the wazoo. Hell, your endorsements have endorsements.

People worship the ground on which you walk. You don’t have mere stardom predicted for you – you have superstardom virtually guaranteed. At least two or three publications have already annointed you the greatest to ever do what you do, you’re that good. It’s only a matter of time before the championships, the trophies and even more accolades begin to flow for you like champagne.

You have it fucking made. I mean, we are literally talking set for freaking life here. You could live off the interest from the interest from your endorsements alone.

Moreover, all competition for your job has just recently been removed, banished to the dregs of the underworld of your industry. In short, you couldn’t script your life any better.

So what in Cthulu’s fucking name are you doing pissing it all away by engaging in criminal activity?!?!?!?! Why the Hell do you risk it all by doing something you know to be illegal???

I tell you, Denizens, our society’s going down the tubes at warp speed. When people to whom we enjoy looking up – folks like Vick and Chris Benoit – begin falling by the wayside and letting us down, it’s bleak days for all of us.

(Incidentally, guys, while I said previously (and still say, for that matter) that I don’t think steroids as we know them had anything to do with this, the Benoit link states that Benoit had “steroid testosterone” in his system, as if testosterone is now some sort of anabolic steroid. Hell, I guess that means that I and the rest of the Right Side of the Blogosphere are at risk for ‘roid rage?)

They’re calling for a minimum one-year suspension of Vick. Sorry, but that’s too fucking lenient, IYAM. I’d be in favor of a lifetime ban for this. These allegations unequivocally point to a network of organized crime here. Perhaps not the Tony Soprano-type mob activity of which you & I think when we hear that phrase, but organized crime nonetheless. And to let Vick ever play in the NFL again would allow people to link the two – which is the absolute last thing the NFL should want.

PETA, much as I despise them usually, has it right on this one: Sack Vick.

[SCENE: Aboard Pegasus. Ozy McCool and T-Bone McManx are reading an article about The Hawtest British Couple In The History Of Ever, Ever!. Huge pools of saliva have formed on the deck of the bridge.]

Well, Denizens, it’s been two years now, and the pussy still hasn’t shown up.

That’s right, sportz fanz. The Right Douchebag Reverend of the Church of the SubTarded, Michael “Mykki Chickenshit” Cortese, late of Alexandria, VA (or was it Arlington, VA? We still don’t know), was called out for his ripping of those of the Christian faith, calling them “cowards”, invited to spew his bullshit to my face – and he’s never showed.

He bitched long & loud about my living in a gated community, whereupon I moved to a complex that has no such gate – and he never showed.

He posted videos of himself playing with his inflatable dolls – dolls that couldn’t fight back – but he never grew large enough balls to show up on my doorstep.

He posted on Slashdick and everywhere else that liberal pussies congregate – but neither he nor any of his needledick-sucking sycophants ever showed up.

He, through his sockpuppet “Von Vockerman”, offered a meager $66 to “reimburse” me for a trip to Tennessee for a supposed “showdown” (we’ll forget for the moment that it costs a helluva lot more than $66 to go to Tennessee, never mind coming home) – then never sent the money (the guess from here is that he never planned on showing up, either).

Two years after bleating to the world what a hot shit you think you are, Cortese, you’re still a fucking douchebag content to hide behind the skirt of that skank to which you’re married (or are you just shacking up like the rest of the ’60s hippies rejects?). You’re nothing but a son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch who doesn’t have the balls to back up his big talk. Nothing but a huge pussy.

But then again, I suppose you have your reasons for not coming down. It would, after all, be a terrible shock to the regulars of the Alexandria (Arlington?) bathhouses if you were rendered ball-less and could no longer “service” them.

ESAD, Cortese, you fucking limp-wristed coward. Do the world a favor, shove that M-1 of yours up your piehole and pull the trigger.

Assuming you haven’t somehow managed to break it, maybe there won’t be too much of a mess.

It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)