Basically, I’m stuck in a chain of cars behind a lanehogging dick. The right lane finally opens up and several of us merge right to undertake. The first guy in line decided an aggressive undertake wasn’t enough and brake-checked the lanehog. Maybe “brake checked” is the wrong word. It wasn’t an aggressive stop, more of a slow and unrelenting deceleration from 65 to 40mph. Hard enough to make a point, but nowhere near hard enough to get rear-ended. So while the lanehog had plenty of time/space to react, the guy behind him was busy admiring the scenery or perusing Instagram or something. He brakes and swerves partially into my lane, missing my front bumper by about three nanometers. Fortunately, nobody crashed, but damn.

I’m honestly not sure who to be mad at here. The lanehog deserved it, and more. Fuck that guy with a rusty cactus. The brake checker? I’m torn. Yes, brake checking is bad, but this was the safest brake check I’ve ever seen. And a lesson needed to be taught. Yeah, I know, it’s the cops’ job to enforce the law, not ours, but the cops don’t enforce the left lane law, so someone has to be the hero we deserve. Anyway, it’s not his fault some oblivious asshole two cars back isn’t paying attention (and he clearly went out of his way to ensure he made his point without getting rear-ended). The swerver? Fuck this guy. Sure, nobody expects a sudden stop on the highway, but as I said, this was more of a gradual deceleration and he had about 32 years to react in time. And it’s not like he “didn’t see my car there,” because I drive a canary yellow Corvette with racing stripes/numbers all over it.

So, yeah, don’t brake check. Because a fellow Jalop may become collateral damage.

Anyway, here’s a picture of an Aye-aye. They have inguinal nipples, which are located on their groin!