Ego Cleanse

by Sam Parker

My wife and I had an argument before work.

It was the kind of argument we could easily let bleed into the evening and the next day. We've been married 25 years so you'd think that might not happen anymore, but I can be a little Sonny Corleonish* with my grudges ... the hot head you can't talk business with.

My wife texted by 8 am to keep the line of communication open ... a kind attempt to minimize the bleed (Loving Her Person). I reluctantly texted back to do my part.

Around 11:30 am, I heated up my leftovers from dinner the night before and dug in. So good!

I thought, “Man, my lady can cook! I am so lucky.”

Then I remembered, "I can't tell her that. We're in an argument.” And, my intention was to hold onto that argument.

But, I'd been thinking a lot about our egos and how they get in the way of those 'more enjoyable days' I encourage so often and thought, “Why would I want to keep my wife from having a more enjoyable day... sooner?”

At the same time, it was like a breeze came through and made me acutely aware of the impermanence of our lives. Perfect timing, except I got called into a discussion and couldn’t let her know how I felt until about an hour later.

I texted: Thank you for your cooking. I was eating the leftovers from last night and had a loving thought about you. I should have told you earlier.

Pleasantly shocked she was. (I sound like Yoda.) Not my track record to say something like that on a day that begins with an argument.

From that point forward … a more enjoyable day for everyone … my wife, my family, myself, and everyone I work with.

But even better, that experience led to what I’m calling my ego cleanse … a
focused and attentive effort on practicing my self-awareness and removing my ego from every aspect of my life (the 'inflated sense of self-significance' ego) … personally and professionally.

I've been practicing daily but it started with the following 48-hour loading dose of DumpTheMego (it's available over-the-counter ... that's supposed to make you smile). It hasn’t been perfect but I know I've been more productive and less of a drain on others.

Maybe you're doing okay with your ego. For those who need a little work...

How to do an ego cleanse...

1. Choose to commit to the cleanse for a minimum 48 hours no matter what.

2. Remind yourself you want to be an inspiration to others rather than a drain on others. Do it once every waking hour of both days ... thoughtfully ... resting with the idea for a focused 5 seconds. Set an alarm if you need it ... a
Be No Ego alarm. (inspiration > drain ... that picture above is my little homemade all-the-time reminder sign)

3. Remind yourself of the benefits of a world with no ego (read below). Do it at the start of each day, midday, and near the end of each day of your cleanse ... again, thoughtfully for about a minute each time. That's 6 times total over the 2 days.

4. After each benefit review, take 1 more minute to reflect on each of the 5 principles to eliminating/minimizing ego (also below). In 2 days, you'll have reflected on those points 6 times.

5. During the 48-hours, do what you can to practice the Be No Ego activities below.

6. Throughout, when something happens to you or someone says something to you, remember there's a gap between that ... and how you choose to respond. During your cleanse ... commit to the gap and choose to respond without ego. This is very important.

7. At the end of each day, invest another 5 minutes reviewing how you did with the day.

All of this can be done on your own, with a group of people at work, or at home with your family, spouse, or significant other.

If you find the cleanse valuable, you can make it a monthly or quarterly thing (just like you might do with a dietary cleanse).

A more enjoyable day for everyone ... that's the goal.

ego:noun: 1. the self 2. an inflated sense of self-significance

Ego can get in the way of a lot of good things.

Imagine a world without it. There'd be no...

Toes to step on

Feelings to hurt

Fair shares to grab

Territory to defend

Fault to allocate

Back to watch

Last words to get

Ideas to hold back

Embarrassment to bear

Battles to win

Knowledge to prove

Entitlement to have

Encouragement to withhold

Credit to seek

Grudges to hold

Jealousy to feel

Revenge to take

Hidden meanings to construe

Things would get done so much faster and the day would be so much more enjoyable.

Speak no ego. Be no ego...

BE HUMBLE. Understand you are a (small) part of the world. Service and patience should be top priorities.

BE TEACHABLE. Focus more on what you can learn and less on showing what you know. Remember that much of what you know began with the work of someone else.

LISTEN MORE. Make every effort to truly understand what others are saying (beyond just words). It makes for better connections. Allow a gap of silence before responding. Ask questions (and listen, again).

Be No Ego practices...

Here are 6 specific things you can do during your cleanse. Add other practices as you think of them.

The intent is to raise your awareness of other people and minimize your awareness of you. The problem here, of course, is that doing things for others might make you feel good about yourself. Don't let that concern stop you ... just enjoy the win-win.

Eagerly accept any requested favor.

Do one thing each day that's typically handled by someone else.

On the road, yield to everyone else’s schedule … happily let them pass, merge, and make non-accident causing mistakes. (You’ll likely be a little safer … although this isn’t about you.)

Park farther away and leave close parking spots for others. (You’ll get extra exercise … but again, it's not about you.)

Let someone who looks like they’re in a rush go in front of you in line.