Sunday, 26 January 2014

Single Celebrations and Whoo Hooos

I have been single for more of my life than I have been taken and for some people this would be upsetting stats, but being the glass half full kind of person that I am, I instead rejoice at the fact that being single means more time for me and I am my favourite person. I have also embarked on a weight loss journey and as part of that I have said no to dating until I have lost at least 10kg so I thought I would take a moment to reflect on reasons why it is awesome to be single. Here they are, in no particular order

You don't have to share your bed - I like my space, I am also pretty tall and wide so I need more space than your average person and I don't like people touching me when I am trying to sleep. I laugh when I think back to my first boyfriend, we used to share a single bed. WTF!!! how did I ever manage to do that when now days I take up a full double bed to myself, there isn't even room for more than one pillow.

Dating is Expensive - I know that people think that boys should pay for dates but my dad raised me differently and I am from another school of thought so I like to pay my way and/or shout them so dating can be pretty hazardous to your bank account. If you don't go on dates you can stay home and eat tinned soup and save the money you would have spent to go towards your Cat Lady Starter Kit.

Hair is Ok - When I am between boyfriends I don't have to shave my legs or wax my vagina which is a big time saver. No one will care that my legs are sporting their own winter coat because no one will see them or have to feel them. I think some of the time the main reason I go and get waxed is because I genuinely like my Waxer (and if she reads this, yes I know I am overdue for my next appointment, I will get onto to that ASAP), I always used to get waxed and be like YEAH, I am going to totally get laid. But then I never did. So really whats the point?

Rotunder Pants - I will admit that I like to wear sensible large cotton underpants. Wearing lacey little somethings are great for making you feel sexy when you are going out and for special occasions but I find it tiring for every day life. Being single makes it acceptable to wear Cotton Rotunderpants that are maybe a bit faded and possibly have holes in them. No one is going to see so everyone can just celebrate the fact that I remembered to put underwear on today. And if I do get hit by a bus having clean jocks on is probably going to be the least of my worries.

This lady put out a fire with her underpants, no fire would start in mine.

No need to hold it in - I don't know why but I am always shy about farting in front of other people and I most certainly would never think about doing a poo when anyone else is around. When I was dating the army brat I used to drive home to poo just so that he would think that I was pure and didn't defecate (as a medical professional I am sure he knew that I did though). Holding Poops and Farts in is probably detrimental to your health and aint no body got time fo that.

Not in the Mood, No Worries - It happens sometimes when you aren't always in the mood when your partner is. If you are single that doesn't really matter and there is no guilt involved in saying no to yourself. This one is a bit of a double edged sword though, when you are in the mood, well you just gotta sort that shit out yourself.

Crushing on crushes - Being single gives you all the time in the world to day dream about your latest crush, its a nice feeling to feel those butterflies in your stomach constantly, even if most of the time they are unrequited and don't go anywhere. Its still nice to day dream. You also don't need to think that the grass is greener on the other side because to many you are on that greener grass.

No Talking, Roger - It might come as a surprise but sometimes I just don't like talking. I will happily come back to my little house and not speak to anyone for days. Being single allows you a sort of selfishness, you don't need to contact that person (whether it is through obligation or desire). The single life caters to the hermit in me.

Look I fully understand that if you have a great relationship all of these things come along with that as well, when you get settled they wont care about your hairy legs or your giant underpants and you will probably start pooping with the door open but that all takes time. Until I find someone that is worthy of that time I am sure as hell going to celebrate the life of singledom, its not a bad living and it always leads to adventure so how can I complain? Beyonce wouldn't have made a dance about it if it wasn't cool. Just you think about that...