“Being Human” (Syfy 7 p.m.) A ghost, a vampire and a werewolf rent an apartment together. ... No, it’s not a joke. It’s an Americanized remake of the BBC hit. Because Americans don’t like accents. And need sexier casts than Britain has to offer.

“Heavy” (A&E 8 p.m.) Oh, goody. Another show about fat people losing weight. Because there aren’t nearly enough of those on TV.

“Retired at 35” (TV Land 8:30 p.m.) Buoyed by the success of “Hot in Cleveland,” TV Land tries out another new sitcom. George Segal (“Just Shoot Me!”) and Jessica Walter (“Arrested Development”) star as the parents of a successful New Yorker (Johnathan McClain) who quits the rat race and moves in with them at a retirement community in Florida.