'Hitman' Getting Rebooted with Paul Walker as Bald Guy

Denying their reviled Hitman the quick, merciful death we all assumed it had been quietly dealt for its offenses, Fox has decided to instead give the video game movie another chance, because they are in no way professionals.

The studio's 2007 Hitman attempt ended up somehow grossing nearly $100 million, though it's worth noting that less than $40 million of that came from the U.S. box office. Fox is apparently blaming the lackluster domestic performance on original star Timothy Olyphant (right), because while original screenwriter Skip Woods is being brought back to reboot his own tepid work, Olyphant is being replaced, leaving him open to play whatever handsome cowboy television needs next. In his place as the bald, stoic, UPC-branded killer will be Paul Walker, the Fast/Furious series star whose second-hand contact with inexpressive depilation is second to none. Production on the film will begin in June with commercials director Aleksander Bach making his feature debut. Calming diehard fans' bald cap concerns, Deadline assures, "Walker will shave his head." So method.

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'Hitman' Getting Rebooted with Paul Walker as Bald Guy

\n\nDenying their reviled Hitman the quick, merciful death we all assumed it had been quietly dealt for its offenses, Fox has decided to instead give the video game movie another chance, because they are in no way professionals.