Red Bull Rising

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Red Bull Park saga has generated lots of heat, and more than a little heartburn, but according to the San Diego Union-Tribunehelp is on the way. Erik Stover, the 35-year-old manager of Qualcomm Stadium, who recently distinguished himself by "converting the facility to an evacuation center during October's wildfires," has reportedly accepted a position as "vice president of operations and general manager at Red Bull Park in Harrison, N.J."

Here's the full story, but any guy who chipped in during the chaos of the Southern California wildfires by "trying to track down DVDs to play on the Jumbotron for the kids," is alright by us. As long as his former tenure as assistant VP of Ops at Giants Stadium didn't include any of this nonsense. We want Red Bull Park to be loud and enthusiastic, not crude and misogynistic.

In other news, Red Bull Sporting Director Jeff Agoos has come up with a plan for the upcoming MLS Draft that includes finding players who are "driven," "professional," "innovative," "humble," "self-confident," and "decisive." Goose would also like "people who understand what the vision is, who want to be winners and are good people." Alrighty then. We'd settle for someone who can play the ball into space for Juan Pablo Angel and/or Jozy Altidore, but that's just us.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

"The reality of MLS budgets is that teams don't have the money to go out and become Chelsea or Arsenal." -- MLS Deputy Commissioner Ivan Gazidis attempting to obliterate the Stating the Obvious Barrier in an otherwise interesting breakdown of the new Major League Soccer rules.

"Some mistakes I feel like I made as a 15, 16-year-old obviously I wouldn't repeat now, because I learned a lot from it and it helped make me a better person." -- Maturing Freddy Adu getting all philosophical and stuff in an otherwise straightforward feature on the former MLS, current Benfica prodigy.

"We are investigating as to whether the policeman was justified in taking out his firearm and discharging it, and also why he had it with him during the match." -- Malaysian official employing dry government-speak in an otherwise extraordinary report regarding a soccer referee packing heat and making like Yosemite Sam in a recent game gone bad.

Friday, December 21, 2007

By now, you've already seen the official, updated design release for Red Bull Park. In fact, you've probably already stumbled upon the website with the three rotating photos of what we hope the future MLS Cathedral in lovely Harrison, New Jersey will look like.

In the spirit of the season, we here at Red Bull Rising are posting seven additional, possibly illicit, but certainly tasteful, snapshots of the future Red Bull Park, inspired by LA-based Rossetti Architects, the outfit currently tasked with ... er ... erecting ... our fabulous new Beautiful Game Basilica along the banks of the pristine Passaic River.

It's Like Rio Carnival, Only in Hudson County!Check Out That Box!You Come Here Often?GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAL!Even The Signs Are Cutting Edge!You Don't Own Red Bull, You Only Rent ItDude, I'm SO THERE!

UPDATE: Billy Buzzkill in Comments notes the photos are not brand new. Oh, and another thing, Angelina Jolie's smokin' hot bod in Beowulf is computer-generated, and since we're all about balance and fairness and inclusion here at Red Bull Rising, Becks stuffs with socks.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

On the first day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meA suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the second day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meBruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the third day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meStadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the fourth day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meFirst round exit,Stadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the fifth day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meClau-Di-O Stinks,First round exit,Stadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the sixth day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meThe Cletus Returning,Clau-Di-O Stinks,First round exit,Stadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the seventh day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meJuan Pablo A-Scoring,The Cletus Returning,Clau-Di-O Stinks,First round exit,Stadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the eighth day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meBeautiful dreaming,Juan Pablo A-Scoring,The Cletus Returning,Clau-Di-O Stinks,First round exit,Stadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

On the ninth day of Christmas,The Red Bull sent to meMore First-round losing,Beautiful dreaming,Juan Pablo A-Scoring,The Cletus Returning,Clau-Di-O Stinks,First round exit,Stadium Plans,Bruce Almighty,And a suit named Marc de Grandpre.

Jozy Altidore, playing out of position on the wing, had a very strong game, including a poacher's delight open headball goal off The Big Easy, Dave van den Bergh's terrific cross, and appeared 100-percent healthy. A fit Jozy paired with Juan Pablo Angel will be real trouble for the Revolution next week.

Dane Richards also had a fine game, continuing his late-season push for rookie of the year, which sadly, will probably be in vain due to Toronto FC's Maurice Edu's strong debut for the US National Team on Wednesday in Switzerland. Voters will likely flock to Edu's cause after he helped Team USA to a rare victory on European soil.

Chris Leitch looked shaky again. Nope this is not a typo or editing error, we did not mean to place this point in the NEGATIVE category. This is a good thing, because Arena would have to be nuts to pencil this guy into the lineup on Oct. 27 after another sub-par outing.

Despite the absence of Francis "Grandpa" Doe, Claudio Reyna and Clint Mathis, the Red Bull were dangerous offensively. Putting aside (for now) grievances against or allegiances to these guys, it's an indication of good team depth that even without them on the field, the Galaxy had difficulty covering their own third of the pitch.

NEGATIVES:

The last thing any squad wants going into the playoffs is a shaky goaltending situation. Landon Donovan's cross was superb and Troy Roberts' header was solid, but Tim Conway's stagefright was the star of the show for the lone Galaxy goal. And the petulant, ill-timed retirement announcement by The Walrus doesn't improve matters.

The Big Easy, Dave van den Bergh, limped off the Home Depot pitch on Thursday, a DoublePlus NotGood for the Red Bull. Defensively DVB has been outstanding, solidfying the left fullback slot with poise and skill. Offensively, The Big Easy's natural tendency to overlap has successfully unbalanced the opposition and could also allow for Grandpa's inclusion into the starting lineup as a pseudo-left winger, but actual freelancing withdrawn forward, thanks to the cover provided by DVB. The Red Bull need The Big Easy against The Revs.

Shalrie "The Behemoth" Joseph and the Revs have patched up their contractual differences, removing a potential off the field distraction that many Red Bull fans (um...including us) had hoped would cut into the focus and commitment of the former St. John's University star's physically dominating game. Now, not so much.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Don't look now but the Beckham Rules are out of control. Check out the screen grab above. MLS is so hellbent on getting the Los Angeles Galaxy and David Beckham into the playoffs that they've awarded Team Lalas the first ever 1-1 "win" in league history. Readers may recall this isn't the first time The Red Bull have been the unlucky recipients of creative MLSnet.com "reporting" as only the valiant efforts of MetroFanatic prevented the league from excluding the Red Bull from their rightful place among squads who had indeed qualified for the MLS Playoffs. See Race for the MLS Cup Report.

The Not-So-Fab-Four scrambling for the chance to get hammered by DC United or the winner of Saturday night's delicious Houston Dynamo-Chivas USA tilt, mercifully slated to be broadcast by Fox Soccer Channel, are the Chicago Fire (37 points), the Kansas Wizards (37 points), the Colorado Rapids (35 points) and the Los Angeles Galaxy (33 points, but two matches left). Or as we like to call them, Blanco and the Hunchbacks, Erratic Eddie Johnson and The Wiz, FC Size Matters at Dick's Park and Team Lalas. Excellent, subsidized views of the various permutations can be found here, here and here.

Alternatively, here's our shoddy, unprofessional breakdown, flimsily based on the following criteria: Current form, Opponent, Personal whim, Oddsmakers, Underdog status and Telekinetic powers (cool!). Or The COP-OUT Factor, for short.

Blanco and the Hunchbacks -- The Fire didn't help themselves by scheduling a tough match with Cruz Azul Wednesday, which they lost anyway, leaving just two days recovery time prior to their 0-0 draw at DC United on Saturday. Chicago has only won twice since the start of September, but on the plus side, they've only lost once in MLS play, as they've been kissing their sister like they're the Appalachia Fire (five ties). If Chicago beats the streaking Galaxy Sunday, (Telefutura), they're in, but don't bet on it. COP-OUT Factor: Miss playoffs.

Erratic Eddie Johnson and The Wiz -- Kansas City has won just three MLS matches since the All-Star Break, including a brutal August (1-4) and bad September (1-3-2). Saturday night's loss to the Red Bulls was typically heartbreaking with two gaffes leading directly to Juan Pablo Angel goals and Erratic Eddie Johnson fluffing a PK attempt. FC Dallas doesn't have much to play for this weekend, so chalk that up as a positive for KC, and if you're really desperate for optimism, the Wizards have conjured up a single victory in the past two months, so if that spell holds, they're due for a win this weekend. COP-OUT Factor: Miss playoffs.

FC Size Matters at Dick's Park -- Here's the thing: The Rapids ain't good. We love Pablo Mastroeni, but he's the only guy on the squad above average in any soccer-related category (great tackler). However, here's the good news: The thrilling victory over Chivas on Sunday was the Rapids second straight win and with hated regional rival Real Salt Lake coming to town this weekend, the heralded Rocky Mountain Cup is also on the line, which should have both fans and players pumped up at The Dick. Plus, way back on Sept. 18 Red Bull Rising, based on our highly-scientific, tirelessy researched (for over half-an-hour!) Puppy-to-Giant Ratio, predicted a Colorado postseason berth. COP-OUT Factor: Make playoffs.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Juan Pablo Angel, Jozy Altidore, Dane Richards and Francis Grandpa Doe all started on Saturday night and produced the desired result: The Red Bull outscored the Kansas City Wizards 2-1. With the victory, The Red Bull put a hex on the Wizards postseason chances, and set the stage for a tantalizing Major League Soccer first-round playoff matchup with the New England Revolution. Get Your Tickets Now!

Angel initiated his first strike with a neat pass to the increasingly effective overlapping Big Easy, Dave van den Bergh, whose cross was handled in the box by ill-fated Wizard fullback Jose Burciaga Jr. Angel promptly buried his fifth PK in as many MLS attempts, hopefully putting to rest the irrelevant, lazy, "He had trouble taking PKs at Villa" talking point trotted out everytime the Classy Colombian approaches the spot before beating the goalkeeper.

Rookie speedster Dane Richards happily accepted Burciaga's second gift of the first half on the right wing and decided to Pay it Forward (Worst Movie Ever Candidate), squaring to Angel at the edge of the box for a sublime outside-of-the-right-foot settle and inside-of-the-same-foot finish past KC's Bad Hairdo Keeper Kevin Hartman. True the Wizards managed a quickfire Jack Jewsbury head-flick tally immediately after the spot kick, but when Grandpa flashed a strong header just inches too high and then clanged one off the crossbar right before intermission it was clear this would be a Red Bull night.

Thankfully, Arena wasn't content with offensive tinkering, recalling Carlos Mendes and Hunter Freeman at the expense of Chris Leitch (with Seth Stammler stepping into the suspended Joe Vide role) and extending a second act to none other than Carol Burnett Show legend Tim Conway, who earned a curtain call with six saves, including a nice PK stoning of Erratic Eddie Johnson. Plus, the addition of the Emmy-Award Winning Funnyman caused the cancellation of The Walrus Comedy Hour, which we can all agree jumped the shark several games ago.

Hopefully, Bruce Almighty will allow this winning lineup to take on the Revs in the 2007 MLS Playoffs (we'd prefer Clint Mathis in front of Dema Kovalenko or a healthy Claudio Reyna in central midfield instead of Stammler or Vide, but we won't quibble ... for now). In fact, injuries aside, Arena should allow this squad the opportunity to face the streaking Galaxy (and Beckham?) on Thursday night.