Cougars, Kittens And Cock

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Perhaps it's the Easter weekend hangover or the fact that we've proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the mushy sugar clumps called Peeps really are nothing but brain-rotting foodstuffs, which seems to keep leading us to cite Biblical references in these reviews, but it's not entirely our fault. A couple days ago, we watched the classic film "Expose Me Now," which is nothing but a sexed up Cain and Able story. Even the most religiously phobic among us would have to be able to see that. And now Chris Streams, one of Jules Jordan's madcap posse of smut dealers, bring us "Cougars, Kittens and Cock," which any devout practitioner of porny-ism knows is the holy triumvirate of all things sex. Okay, let's call it the holy mono-virate and holy di-feminate if we're to be borderline faithful to Latin roots. What that means, for those who have no idea what the hell we're trying to say, is that this film has youth, experience and a big fat penis on which the two collide.

We begin this saga with the lovely, big-breasted Diamond Foxx and her co-conspirator Tristyn Kennedy. The two are trying on swimwear and lingerie when Diamond's hubby comes home. Diamond informs Tristyn that the two are swingers. Possibly feigning ignorance, Tristyn is invited to watch or participate. She decides to observe, but can't hold out past the deep blowjob Diamond unleashes on her hubby's giant dick. Soon she is inverted with her mouth on his tool and her pussy in his mouth as the two of them commit stand-up 69 to Diamond's delight. Diamond gets fucked as Tristyn gets eaten out by the boy, and the reverse is also true. The three get it on in all kinds of fucking/pussy munching combos, but join forces in a cum swap to conclude the scene.

Cutie Jessi Palmer is engaged in a tough workout. Though she should be concerned with her repetitions, she and her trainer, Mark Anthony seem hell-bent on repeatedly chastising Joslyn James for what seems to be a "stripper workout". Maybe the two could just ask Tiger Woods when they see him, as Joslyn was famously or infamously one of the golfer's many, many mistresses. Jessi is taken aback when she busts the fitness buff popping a chubby in his black jeans. A Romeo he's not, but he doesn't need to be when Joslyn busts out with an insulting jab at Jessi regarding her inability to know what to do with a giant cock. The feistiness between the two starts a sexual bidding war for the trainer's crotch barbell. The victor is not the highest bidder, but the deepest swallower. But the battle doesn't stop where the uvula begins. It wages on, covering the threeway, pussy eating and dual facial fronts. It appears all are winners.

Nicole Aniston is trying to drill formal English terminology into Puma Swede's head. Her conversational English isn't exactly poor, but she sometimes gaffes on words like "octopus" calling it "octopussy." Hey, if you've got to fuck up a word, why not err on the side of James Bond films? What's more glaring is her complete absence of fashion sense. She prances around in an ill-fitting swimsuit, but doesn't see the problem. Interestingly enough, she seems to have learned the best lesson possible when trying to survive in America: show skin, act dumb and prey on the first sucker you can find to give you every material wish while you lounge around the pool as your vocation. As proof, Puma calls over her boy toy and starts stroking his cock. As further evidence that she has learned the concept of hospitality, Puma offers it up to Nicole, who eagerly begins to swallow his swollen head. Nicole is a relative newbie, but her bob hairstyle, tan body and all-natural features make her an absolute doll. As with most dolls, she gets manhandled by boys and this case is no different. Her ass throbs beautifully as she rides that beefy dick. Puma's tits do the same when that thing slithers between her overstuffed boobs. It's almost a shame their faces are doomed to be ruined by cum when this scene is complete.

Holly Michaels is busy tweeting in class when she should be learning geometry. How else will she know what shape of cock will fit in her cylindrical pussy? Thankfully, understanding circumference is really all one needs to know and that can be done with the eye test. Like Puma before her, Holly has learned the true lessons of life that will get her far. Flash some skin, suck some cock and you're home free. Well, almost. She still has to contend with principal Rayveness, who doesn't take too kindly to educational slacking. Ironically, it's teacher Erik Everhard who needs to learn that lesson more than Holly. He should know that if he needs to fuck in school it's Rayveness who he needs to approach first. We last discussed Rayveness while covering her in the Smash Pictures release "Friends and Family 2," a really fucked up expose of the real life story of … Tristyn Kennedy, whom you may recall from scene 1. Rayveness is one of those stars who simply never seems to age. Her giant tits, shapely ass and lovely face are damn near impervious to wrinkles and dimples, though that does nothing to protect her innards from dick. Here she runs the gamut of threeway action, minus anal, including an oral daisy chain. Both girls split the serving of cum between them and all appear to be a little more educated than before.

And what film would be complete without the gratuitous pool boy scene? Jessie Andrews is anxious to get a closer look at how Ramon wields his stick. Tyler Faith puts an end to that really quick, sending Jessie to her room. Though she's living under her parents' roof, she is 18 and skirts rules all the time. That includes the rule that says she shouldn't jeopardize the pool boy's livelihood by sucking his cock when she's essentially under house arrest. But what good are rules if nobody tries to break them? She hunkers down on the bed with him and blows him like a pro. Her tiny natural tits are as adorable as her tight little body and juicy slit. If his pussy cleaning ability is any indication of his pool cleaning skills, then this guy is a keeper. Of course, the ruckus the two create attracts the attention of Tyler, who is up in her business again faster than you can say "You're not the boss of me!" The three go through the riding, sucking and cumshot rituals just like the others, though Jessie does finger Tyler's asshole while she sits atop Ramon's cock in CG.

Contrast is always nice for visuals and "Cougars, Kittens and Cock" has it in spades. There is youth versus experience. There are giant tits versus small ones. And there is maturity versus petulance. Add to it the contrast in settings and some smoking hot fucking and you've got yourself a winning porn flick, by God. Oops! There we go again!