StrongHer Youhttps://www.strongheryou.com
Know, Love and Be YouThu, 08 Feb 2018 11:35:17 +0000en-GBhourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.4The Truth About Perfectionism and How to Overcome Ithttps://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/30/the-truth-about-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it/
https://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/30/the-truth-about-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it/#respondTue, 30 Jan 2018 14:55:34 +0000https://www.strongheryou.com/?p=31878I’ve always wanted to be PERFECT. I was always searching for it in my life in my relationships, in my body and in my career.

So many women I speak to KNOW the feeling…

You have an aspiration, a feeling of how things in your life SHOULD be. Standards that are set day in and day out by the media, our family and the judgement of others. That ISN’T REAL.

When you’re looking at yourself OR something you’ve worked on and the self-doubt starts to creep in. From that moment of pride in something you’ve created and bought to life.

The self-doubt starts flowing in and builds up, gathering momentum.

“What is it’s not good enough?”

“What if THEY say it’s rubbish?”

“Who am I to do this?”

“I can’t do this, it’s too scary.”

“I don’t why I bother I’ll only fail anyway.”

Even on my Wedding Day

… 10th August 2002 back in the gorgeous motherland in Cornwall. I was the beautiful young bride of 24, about to marry the man who took my breath away with how he loved me and could life forever in his arms. A radiant bride in her dream white dress, about to go to the wedding I’d dreamed of since I was young.

My parents cried when they saw me that morning. They said they’d never seen me look more beautiful. I didn’t see it.

For me I looked in the mirror and saw a scared and timid girl. One who would awkwardly that day begrudgingly be the centre of attention.

I was sure of getting married BUT so unsure of myself. I saw the imperfections and the flaws not the BIG smile and huge heart. It showed in my posture, the way I looked down and not being able to hold people’s gaze.

And NOW.

I stand TALL, shoulders back, belly in and boobs out as I say to my ladies.

I speak LOUDLY and confidently from my heart, my laugh can fill a room.

I hold people’s gaze and enjoy that eye to eye connection with people.

My Belief About Perfectionism

In fact I don’t think perfect exists, apart from in the eyes of other people. What is perfect for one person is the nightmare of another. So there’s no PERFECT as such.

And man I am so much happier AND healthier for ditching the perfectionism.

I’m NOT the most in shape I’ve been not by a long shot but I’m the happiest I’ve been with my body and how I look.

I don’t judge myself or link my self worth to the numbers on a scale or how my jeans fit BUT I do love being in shape and having energy.

^^^ You try to get me out of a bikini when it’s hot I DARE YOU!

I’ve made some great and some BAD business decisions but I wake up each day and make small steps forward to my vision.

I’m growing StrongHer in the way I’ve wanted to, creating my own dream and helping my clients in a deeper way even when it’s not perfect.

I forgive myself more quickly when I feck up, its just learning at light speed and let go when others have hurt me.

I don’t see my worth at the money I have in my bank account but instead get my rocks off when clients make HUGE realisations or tell me what StrongHer has done for them.

I care for ME first, each day starts with ME, which gives me the energy to serve others.

I take relationships as they come into my life and embrace the whole person not the idea of perfect, I don’t try to change or mould anyone.

I show up every day and try to just serve and help as many women as I can.

I’m closer to my family and so proud of my lovely parents, our relationship isn’t perfect

What Changed? What’s my “Secret”?

So how did I overcome my need for perfect in my life? It was a realisation over time. As I got to know me more.

You don’t need to be PERFECT, just be YOU. We all get it, when we’re paralysed by not being PERFECT.

When you feel that whatever you do it won’t be ENOUGH so why do it at all. When you give up on making progress and just slip back.

I’ve been there.

Not having a PERFECT body,

he PERFECT house

he PERFECT partner

he PERFECT diet

he PERFECT hair

^^^^ Just look at my uncontrollable lion’s mane now I LOVE IT.

I was living by a definition we’ve given to the idea of being PERFECT. We’ve led PERFECTION to mean …flawless, faultless, best, exemplary, absolute.

If you actually look up the history of the word perfect it does not mean what meaning we give it now ..

The old meanings were “finished, completed, ready.”
^^^ You can be READY and not have to be perfect. StrongHer isn’t perfect but it is changing lives in a hugely powerful way.. It will grow and evolve as I breathe more life into it.

What Perfection Really Is

In Reality Perfection is:

A Myth
A Trap
A Lie
Unachievable
A hamster wheel we throw ourselves into, day in day out.

That we set measures against that shows no fairness or kindness to truly being YOU.
“I’m not going for that job until I know more.”
“I won’t ask that guy out until I’ve lost more weight.”
“I’m just going to work and have no holidays until I get the business bigger.”
“I want to wait until I get that promotion before having a family.”

PERFECTIONISM is the fear of not being enough dressed up. It’s just not enoughness dressed up in a fancy heels. It’s what holds us back and lets us hide away.

It’s even Stronger in women

From the women I talk to it’s even more for them than men.

The fear of not being PERFECT shows in holding back their ideas, ambitions, dreams, talents, ideas, leadership.

Instead they stay waiting, staying in a holding pattern with their life and then feel frustration and regret when others take the opportunities destined for them.

Shying away from greatness and refusing to thrive, choosing a lesser life.

No One Is Perfect

Yet none one is PERFECT, none of us are without our flaws, faults in fact they are what make YOU, well YOU.

Or if you want to use a cliche. We’re all PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.

They make up YOU the lovable, goofy, big hearted bundle of complications and contradictions that people fall in love with.

I’m not PERFECT.

I can take on too much and not get everything done

I can talk too much and not listen fully

I can take things so personally

I can hide away and struggle to ask for help

As much as I think I am organised, I can be disorganised.

I can start ALOT of things and not consistently get them done.

I fall in love quickly and hard.

I laugh VERY loudly

I’m filthy and a bit rude.
^^^ So I’m fallible, but lovable but all these flaws make me ME.

Instead of perfect KNOW and BE YOU

Knowing and being you means you don’t have to chase PERFECT. You don’t need to compare or judge. Instead you can smile and feel safe in yourself. It gives you:

The peace and certainty of knowing who you are, it centres you

The compassion and COURAGE to love ALL that you are and your body

And then create the FREEDOM to be who you are.

So instead of chasing PERFECT, that soul destroying myth that doesn’t exist. How about you chase YOU?

My Invitation to You:

DITCH THE MYTH OF PERFECT

INSTEAD …….

——-à>>>>>>BECOME AN EXPERT YOU.

What are your VALUES … Let these lead your life, be your true compass.
What are your BELIEFS … Do these serve you? Do they need upgrading?
What and who you LOVE … do more of it, let that LEAD your diary.
What you don’t LOVE … Do less or STOP it.

And a few other things that work a treat for me. A few little hacks and tips to overcome it:

Look in the mirror every morning and pick something nice to say to yourself.

You may think that this is ridiculous and obvious, but we spend more time looking in the mirror criticising than honouring ourselves. Make this a daily habit.

Write an awesome list —write down all the things that make you wonderful and read them. Even tougher, read them out loud.

Another tip toward self-love is meditation. This is scientifically proven to change the chemistry in the brain, reduce depression, and change negative thought pattern among other things.

Spend time with people who lift you up, that are maybe a little further on than you or love you just for YOU.

It never ends but it’s the most powerful and fun thing you can do. It helps you see all you are and why you are where you are. And just enjoy life.

And let me tell you NO ONE CAN DO YOU LIKE YOU. So embrace it.

Big love

Nic x

PS Whenever you’re ready …here are 4 ways I can help you to Know, Love and Be you to be confident in your own skin and love your life.

Register for this private training … The 7 Day StrongHer Self Love Challenge is a great start point with a short challenge for each day that you can do when it suits you. Over 250 women have now been through this 7 Day Kickstart to knowing and loving themselves, with results as varied as they were AMAZING. CLICK HERE.

Join the StrongHer Revolution free group of amazing women who are starting to put themselves first and get to know who they are and what they want. It’s the StrongHer Facebook family where busy, successful women learn to at last know themselves and create a life they love. CLICK HERE.

Join our StrongHer Revolution Programme. Over 125 women in the last year have now gone through my beloved group programme, with HUGE changes in their lives and how they feel about themselves. Between them they’ve found more clarity, belief and confidence to make HUGE courageous changes in their lives. To create new businesses, change careers, leave or start relationships, moved countries, taken up lifelong passions and there’s even been a wedding and a baby. Would you like to be the next StrongHer Success story? If so … just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer Revolution” in the subject.

Work with me and my team privately. If you’d like to have some closer support, my latest thinking and weekly nudges from yours truly to take you from where you are now to having clarity, confidence and belief. Join my limited group of incredible VIP clients to take you from being lost and confused to living a truly happy life and be confident in your own skin. Just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer VIP” in the subject line, telling me a little about your current challenge and what you’d want to work on together.

^^^ Oh and all of these are invites which you are free to say FECK yes to or bear in mind in the future. Either is good with me

]]>https://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/30/the-truth-about-perfectionism-and-how-to-overcome-it/feed/05 Secrets For All Women to Love the Skin You’re Inhttps://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/28/5-secrets-for-all-women-to-love-the-skin-youre-in/
https://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/28/5-secrets-for-all-women-to-love-the-skin-youre-in/#respondSun, 28 Jan 2018 11:58:23 +0000https://www.strongheryou.com/?p=31875“I hate how I look”, my mum said this to me at the end of last year and it broke my heart. Despite how amazing she is and how much love she gives she to the world. She still judges herself on how she looks.

And this is sadly the same for so many women that I speak to and work with. That they judge themselves on external factors, from how they look to what they weigh, their dress size or the success in their career. When it comes to it none of these make them, well THEM.

It seems society still judges us on how we look. We see so many images of these tiny models, airbrushed to point that they don’t even look how they look. And from politics, to relationships and even our careers there have been many research studies that shows how someone looks influences our initial thoughts in seconds before they have even spoken.

In fact, I asked the ladies in my Facebook group last year to give one word to describe their body and the results really shocked me and touched my heart.

Disgusting, I feel ashamed.

Fat and wobbly, with cellulite.

Not how I used to feel.

Ashamed, how could anyone love it.

Embarrassing, is that really me?

Revolting and ugly

Disappointing

Gross

Uncomfortable

Aging

And on top of that, these ladies push and force their body to drop the weight, return to health or become fitter. But the truth is you don’t get anything in life you want doing things you hate. Love can only comes from love … more to come on that.

My Relationship with My Body

And for me my relationship with my body has been a real experience, it’s all been part of me getting to know and love ME. All of me. Completely. And wholeheartedly. And loving my body for all it does and lets me do and experience has been a huge part of that.

Even a few years ago I did a video of me in my Mr Man pants … pointing out what I didn’t like about my body. A video that was viewed 5,000 times and over 250 comments. I wanted to share that even as a fitness coach there were parts of my body I didn’t like and wouldn’t let my then boyfriend touch.

I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror and didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Sex was firmly with the lights off so I didn’t have to see myself and I was scared what my partner would think of my wobbly bits. Shopping was a trauma as I’d judge myself on what size I could fit into despite different shops having hugely varied sizes, which does nothing for your self-esteem. And at times despite not being overweight when I didn’t feel good I wouldn’t want to go out or see my friends.

What changed for me to stepping on stage in words smallest bikini back in 2013, I was the leanest I’ve EVER been. Taking to stage in a wonderwoman style bikini, which I could only wear as I’d dehaired my ENTIRE body and at 14% bodyfat. Yet I wasn’t happy, I was desperately lonely, I was carrying the burden of my marriage breakdown and my body was in a very poor state after over dieting and training for the 8 week competition prep. So I had THE body, and looked amazing but inside I was hurting.

And now. I LOVE the skin I am in. I LOVE being physically close to my partner. I LOVE wearing a bikini, from my collection of over 20. I LOVE feeling strong and my muscles aching after a workout. I LOVE a walk on the beach and throwing the ball for my little hyper Charlie dog. I LOVE wearing clothes that I feel great in to run my workshops and events. I LOVE my big quads and bum, my lop-sided boobs and my giant hair. And I’m not the lightest or leanest I’ve been but that doesn’t worry me anymore.

What’s Changed?

And here’s the BIGGEST secret in loving the skin you’re in. Your relationship with your body reflects your relationship with YOURSELF. When I didn’t know or like me, I pushed and forced my body to do what I thought would make me happy. It NEVER worked.

So, from my own journey and from working with many clients who have been on diets ALL OF THEIR LIFE these are 5 steps you can take now to start to love the skin you’re in.

Accepting Right Here and Now

STOP the battle with your own body, you’ll never get a body you love doing things you hate. So, stop forcing, pushing and hating. believe that when you accept where you are, even if it’s painful and hard to do you start to change. It means you are no longer fighting against what you don’t want, losing energy, time and love fighting your current reality. You are no longer blaming yourself, judging your behaviour and beating yourself up for where your body is right now.

So, I invite you to:

Accept aches and pains.

Accept the wobbly bits.

Accept the extra dress size.

Accept the cellulite or the tiger stripes from your children.

Accept the tired eyes that are due to everyone else coming first.

Acceptance means taking responsibility for where you are in a powerful way. Not in a begrudging and if I must way. Accepting is the first step to change.

2) Be Grateful For Your Body

It’s my belief that you shouldn’t want for me in your life if you’re not grateful for what you have RIGHT NOW. Whatever you have is more than some people have ever experienced.

A tired face and bags might mean it’s time to slow down.

Children stretch marks = tiger stripes.

Scars from surgery your body has healed for you.

Weight something unhappy or unbalanced in life or body.

For me, I’m so grateful to my body have allowed me to do so many amazing things. Thank you for also allowing me to:

Be crazy puppy Nic with loads of energy

Give hugs and crazy kisses as I want to

Hug Sam on his way out of this world.

Speak and share my message with the world, daily.

Squat arse to grass like a ninja and be proud my bendiness

Adore being in a bikini on the beach and having my own supermodel strut

Meeting and welcoming amazing new people into my life

See amazing places and new countries I adore

Dance like a loon until I give myself whiplash, twice now at weddings lol!

Feel strong and like a bad ass in the gym, enjoying getting strong

Physically be close to my boyfriend

What are you grateful for your body has bought into your life, the people and the experiences.

3) Start with love

It’s time to stop punishing and pushing your body to create happiness. Don’t start changing your body from lack, proving, forcing, striving and bending your body to your will. To make it what you think will make you happy or to find a partner. No long-term transformation that you enjoy and love comes from the pushing and forcing is driven by lack.

Instead, lead with love and gratitude. Be appreciative of all your body does for you, just so you can function each day and most of its’ systems you’ll never truly understand. If you want to lose weight how can you do that in a way you love? Food you love. Training and moving you love. Working on your mind in a way you love.

^^^^ My life started to change when I began to lead with love, even small reminders each day made a huge difference.

4) Nourish and nurture your body

Listen in to your body and what it needs. It’s an amazing machine and intuitively knows what it needs it we let it and listen to it. We’re so busy in our lives and distracted that we don’t listen. Instead we live this life of business, we’re on the phone, taxiing children, grabbing a coffee to wake up, trying to shop when we’re hungry. We pay no attention to it, often until we become ill or develop some form of disordered eating.

Instead today I invite you to slow down and learn to listen. Ask yourself what does my body need today? Gym or rest? What sort of food? More sleep and a nana nap? Less work and more being outdoors?

^^^ Learn to listen and it’ll change your world as you change your body.

5) Watch your Language

What language do you use when you think about your body? Your language will reflect your relationship with your body and yourself.

How you speak to yourself creates your view of the world. The brain looks to reinforce what you tell it.

Language =Beliefs

Beliefs = Actions

Actions = Reality

So, if your language and how you talk about your body is negative, that’ll be reinforced in your actions and there won’t be the change that you want. Instead again start with love, and if love is too much start with neutral and start to become neutral in your relationship with your body.

PPS Whenever you’re ready …here are 4 ways I can help you to Know, Love and Be you to be confident in your own skin and love your life.

Register for this private training … The 7 Day StrongHer Self Love Challenge is a great start point with a short challenge for each day that you can do when it suits you. Over 250 women have now been through this 7 Day Kickstart to knowing and loving themselves, with results as varied as they were AMAZING. CLICK HERE.

Join the StrongHer Revolution free group of amazing women who are starting to put themselves first and get to know who they are and what they want. It’s the StrongHer Facebook family where busy, successful women learn to at last know themselves and create a life they love. CLICK HERE.

Join our StrongHer Revolution Programme. Over 125 women in the last year have now gone through my beloved group programme, with HUGE changes in their lives and how they feel about themselves. Between them they’ve found more clarity, belief and confidence to make HUGE courageous changes in their lives. To create new businesses, change careers, leave or start relationships, moved countries, taken up lifelong passions and there’s even been a wedding and a baby. Would you like to be the next StrongHer Success story? If so … just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer Revolution” in the subject.

Work with me and my team privately. If you’d like to have some closer support, my latest thinking and weekly nudges from yours truly to take you from where you are now to having clarity, confidence and belief. Join my limited group of incredible VIP clients to take you from being lost and confused to living a truly happy life and be confident in your own skin. Just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer VIP” in the subject line, telling me a little about your current challenge and what you’d want to work on together.

^^^ Oh and all of these are invites which you are free to say FECK yes to or bear in mind in the future. Either is good with me

We’ve all had those times in our life where we’ve feel lost and confused, where the brain fog never seems to lift but just get thicker. And for so many women they get no time to find that clarity again, hit pause and see how they’re feeling. Instead they’re stuck in the ground hog day of school runs, work and home life .. juggling it all with a constant stress and panic.

When we’re lost or confused it can lead us to being very stuck … so we beat ourselves up, start to feel more and more anxious, feel like time is flying by, procrastinate and resort to comfort eating.

And I see so many women who get so busy that they get lost in it. They fear stopping because of the balls they will drop if they do. Yet keeping going, leads to just a Groundhog Day life that don’t feel good about or connect with. And they say yes to people please filling ALL their time with what others want and need leaving nothing for them.

Does that sound familiar to you? I know I’ve been there and can still be there some days, when I just like I’m chasing my tail. And so many of my clients who join me, start with the symptoms of feeling lost and confused … they want more to life and that starts with clarity.

And for me the depression, stress and anxiety that is so prevalent not, even amongst the most high-flying women who make up some of my clients is all down to this. Lack of clarity on you and your life.

Sarah’s Story

A client of mine Sarah, was paralysed when we first started working together. She was stuck in the emotion of what to do about her relationship and that affected ALL that she did and meant she never felt enough.

Sarah didn’t know what to do so she just kept going, filling her time with being useful and doing what others asked of her. Making herself so busy that she didn’t need to think she just did. She felt constantly on edge, anxious and just so unhappy that it broke my heart. But over time we bought her back to herself, then we could start to find that clarity and then listen to her heart and see the truth of what was right for her.

Now she’s much stronger, more resilient and has a clear view of the future we’re working on together for her to create. For the first time in her life, she has clarity from within and the power of that for her life and her family is staggering.

What if you could see it a different way?

Here’s what I believe, feeling lost and confused serves a higher purpose. Here’s what I believe and teach my clients to help them get comfortable with a little confusion.

When you feel confused, it’s likely that you’re becoming more and creating a bigger life .. becoming more of you. It’s almost like a new glasses lens, how you used to think and perceive the world no longer serves you .. so it’s time to view things from a new perspective.

It is a sign that you are allowing your heart, mind, body and soul to make room for something that wasn’t there before. For a new view of the world and yourself, plus all that that brings to you.

Being confused is really being open to the light that follows the darker days. You’re taking time to be let into this new horizon. You are taking the time to open yourself to a possibility of something else.

To those who are currently caught up in the web of confusion, this may not make sense just yet, but stick with me. Give it a little hello and welcome.

What if you saw being lost and confused as a warning bell, a big old nudge in the ribs from the universe to you that it’s time to change. It’s a great catalyst to great and powerful change if you pursue the simple truth and clarity.

The External Pressure

In our fast-paced society, it seems that faster, bigger, more and pushing harder is the way to go. It’s what expected and then in turn respected in society. How often do you ask a friend how they are and the answer is in line with this “hectic”, “frantic” and my own personal favourite “busy but good.” Well if you were good would you need to state it?

And exhaustion almost becomes a badge of honour for filling your time with things and stuff to prove your worth to above anyone else YOU. Is a full to bursting diary truly a sign of a loved life? Not unless it makes you happy? And to me a completely full, jam packed diary is NOT freedom. Instead it is a sure fire way for me to feel confused and resenting what I am doing.

And when I do that it doesn’t matter how fast I run BUT I’m likely to run in the wrong direction.

Instead now I chose to SLOW down and go in the right direction, that feels good and exciting for me. Instead of the rush to join society’s need for speed.

AND the beauty of slowing down is I get to enjoy the journey more, the small milestones along the way and the magic moments. If I was rushing forward then I wouldn’t get to see or applaud all of those. In my point there’s no reward in reaching a certain point only to realise it’s not where you want to be anyway.

Here is what I believe to be true about coming out of your confusion and intro your truth, then creating a happy life.

1) Acceptance

Acceptance of where you are right now is incredibly powerful. I believe that when you accept where you are, even if it’s painful and hard to do you start to change. It means you are no longer fighting against what you don’t want, losing energy, time and love fighting your current reality. You are no longer blaming yourself, judging your behaviour and beating yourself up.

Instead think of acceptance in a different way, in a grown up and responsible way. Kinda like a sat nav system I want to go from here to there, so I need to work out where I am first. … I created all that I have and experience SO I can change it. The acceptance stops the fight within, what Byron Katie calls loving what is AND the focus can then move onto what you want to do about it.

2) Hit pause and STOP

STOP. It’s so underrated in our fast-paced society that demands we keep going until we just get to the point of it all being too much and our life implodes. There’s no point in keeping going, keeping to give out energy, love and time if your heading in the wrong direction. AND when you stop you change your brain waves and move from the frantic everyday ones, where it’s hard to think and create ideas to the slower paced calm ones where we can have those BIG ideas. Hence why the big ideas happen in down time.

AND to help with this create certainty in the fog, I know that I’m feeling a bit lost so stopping will help me to see my way again. Almost like when you’re lost I the car, keeping going isn’t going to get you back on your route, stopping and checking is likely to AND be less stressful.

3) Check in and feel in

Cut yourself off from all the noise in your life and check in with YOU. We have so many ways of being connected now, we’re the most connected we’ve EVER been. Yet I believe the most disconnected from ourselves. Our phones and tablets mean that we can numb and distract ourselves in seconds and lose who we are in everyone else’s lives and drama.

And also feel in, ask yourself how do I feel? Why do I feel lost? When did I last feel clear? Our feelings are our truth and there to show us something. “Oi you, you need to look at this.” And they’ll keep nudging you until you DO listen and look at what’s going on.

4) Data and drama

Split out the data and the drama, what do I mean? Split out the data of the truth of what is happening in your life right now. AND then the drama so the stories that you’re telling yourself. I’m not calling you a liar but we all at times lie to ourselves when we let our stories run and run. AND our lives will only ever be as good as out stories.

Stories = Thoughts = Actions = Life and so the circle begins again.

So empty your head and brain dump ALL your thoughts that are keeping you lost AND then split into the data and the drama.

Oh, and a little extra
Oh and one extra for free because I LOVE you all. An extra little hack about setting yourself up to succeed. Think of the right pace for you, when you’re feeling lost and confused a slower pace to start might feel good for you, action = momentum = BIG change. The pace of change that is right for you, doesn’t need to be the same as anyone else just what feels right for you and not to fast or too slow.

]]>https://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/18/4-ways-for-busy-women-to-find-direction-when-youre-feeling-lost/feed/0New Year, New You … NO WAYhttps://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/07/new-year-new-you-no-way/
https://www.strongheryou.com/2018/01/07/new-year-new-you-no-way/#respondSun, 07 Jan 2018 17:35:53 +0000https://www.strongheryou.com/?p=31848Ladies welcome to the REAL 2018. Tomorrow sees the first full week of 2018, with the kids back at school and the first full week of work. The start of another year naturally brings a time of reflection and taking stock of where you are it can be a time of year that’s a real mix of feelings.

The New Year, New You Pressure

On the one side the excitement of a new year and a clean sheet, the opportunity to leave behind what’s happened and start over. New opportunities, new challenges and a natural restart.

But that then comes with the usual buzz and chatter about self-improvement and change, that comes laden with a mix of shame, expectation and expensive gym memberships. Especially for those ladies who still feel stuck, “I can’t believe I’m still in this.”

If us ladies all believed the ads, all it would take is the first month of the year the clarity of January to change your life and If you believed the ads, all it would take is the cold clarity of January to nudge you towards a newer, better, dress size smaller, organisational champion. All the year’s plans, hopes, optimism and ambition pinned on these few weeks.

But the reality is that 85% of New Year’s Resolutions are just memories lad to the side within the first 3 months of the year. And when you “fail” you feel frustrated and disappointed in yourself.

When you don’t lose the weight.

When you don’t grow the business as quickly as you’d like.

When you don’t spend more family time and relax more.

When you don’t get that new job?

When you are STILL in that relationship that just doesn’t feel right for you.

Do you even remember what you New Year’s Resolutions were for last year? Well you’re not alone; you’re in the majority. It’s how we’ve been conditioned. ”I’ll do that next year.”

Why Resolutions are DESIGNED to FAIL.

And as for Resolutions. WOW! They’re hard, right? As soon as we set a resolution, you either succeed or fail. There’s no room for progress or moving towards hitting a goal. It’s ALL or NOTHING. And your also asked to publicly share them and commit to them, the societal pressure of the annual question “What are your New Year’s Resolutions?”

And they fail year after year after year, they’re not designed from our hearts and within our own frame they’re more of what society thinks we SHOULD be doing.

And are they even realistic?

Are they based on the truth of where you are right now? The REAL truth?

Are we in dream world with our vision boards and unicorns?

Are you living someone else’s dream?

Or the true thing you REALLY want?

Do they excite and inspire you? Do they fire your heart up with passion?

Or do they pressurise make you feel stressed?

Think of all your discarded New Year’s Resolutions. Do you even still remember any of them?

Much of this is obviously rubbish. Happiness certainly isn’t found in new beauty treatment, diet plans or a new gym obsession. Besides, we’re changing and shifting all the time – constantly in flux as we learn, make mistakes, and carry on with the business of growth and setbacks and negotiating the world around us.

Yet There is Something in This January Thing

However, there is something to be said for the potential of a new year. The word January stems from the Roman god Janus. A god of beginnings and endings, he had two heads: always looking backwards and forwards. Sneaky bugger. But there is always diamonds in our past history.

A new year is an opportunity to start again with a clean slate. To start to write a new chapter in the book that is your life. You’re the author and you can create whatever you want. THAT is cool. And I’ve worked with hundreds of ladies now who have made some BIG life changes, from new careers, to new relationships, new countries and falling in love with who they are.

So today I wanted to share a different way, a way based in Noggin Knowledge and the neuroscience of change that is proven and designed to work. And that also takes inspiration from Daniellie Laporte’s Desire Map, as we lead with FEELINGS rather than goals. As each goal is simply a search for a feeling it makes sense to focus on the FEELING first and then create the goals.

Why? Because the feeling will hyper drive your goals, as every goal is truly a search for a feeling. It sets of a process in the brain called reticular activation eg hyper focuses your brain on what you want, finds new linkages, opportunities and connections you’d never thought of.

5 Steps to Your Best Ever Year

So here we go my 5 super simple steps to create goals with soul, as Danielle calls them or Passion Plan as I love to call it.

Pause and reflect

Start with hitting the pause button and reflect back at 2017, to find the diamonds of learning and knowledge and what you learnt about yourself.

Think of it like a sat nav we’re starting from where we are right now and finding clarity before moving onto the what’s next.

My biggest lesson for 2017 was that for the first time in my life I can truly say with certainty that I AM ENOUGH, I spent the whole year living knowing that. How do I know this … because I’ve had the courage to get to know who I am and really fall in love with all that I am.

You don’t need to be slimmer, more intelligent, more successful, have money, know more, lose weight, stronger, fitter just be YOU. But first you have to know YOU. Being YOU is a gift to the world and to those who love you.

>>> You don’t need to be MORE than you are just ALL that you are.

It wasn’t a year of unicorns and rainbows, there were challenges … financial pressures at times, the focus on a new business, people close to me leaving my life and some haters and doubters. Here’s my 20 biggest lesson of 2018, in all their raw and authentic detail.

2) Know yourself

This year I set up my dream business, in my dream life and then as I was happily enjoying my life my dream man appeared. Not too shabby right.

BUT above all this year, I’ve learned a lifelong lesson that I have my own back. I’ve had many challenges in my business, some amazing months financially and some tight months watching the bank balance, some health challenges and also lost a key mentor and supporter after a difference of opinion. But through all that, I know now with certainty. Nic “you’ve got your own back, you’ll always be good.”

And alongside this, the most powerful lesson of all … that to be true to who I am and what I want, I have ALL the answers within. That when I’m in deep in the sh*t and don’t know where to turn, to pause and listen to how I feel.

And I invite you to join this amazing secret world within YOU. To know what lights, you up and makes you heart feel full. Become the world leading expert in YOU. The leading authority on this planet in you.

The beauty of this is everyone is different and that what I LOVE will be different but I wanted to share to invite you to create your own list.

The things that light me up, that I LOVE:

Going to bed with a happy heart and thinking of the magic moments for that day.
Breathing, feeling into my heart and pausing when it all gets too much.
Waking to the sound of the sea, some days with no alarm and looking out of my Mordros window.

A walk on the beach with the sun high and shining, wrapped up warm with Charlie at my feet.

Being out in nature and appreciating different views within the beauty of Cornwall.

Relaxing with my boyfriend and cosying down to a film in front of the fire.

My own space to create, think and be, I love my own company too.

Being in the moment at the gym, focusing on just the movement and being in it.

A client’s aha moment in a Breakthrough call.

The excitement of travel, new places, sights sounds, food and above all people.

Watching Charlie sleeping soundly and hearing him sigh.

Tea and cake in my favourite tea pot, or a Cornish pasty some little indulgences.

Sitting chatting with my gorgeous guy, switching from the profound and deep to profane and silly in a few sentences.

A long shower with no rush to leave the warm water, defo a water baby.

Learning, growing and then sharing with my tribe .. the more I can develop myself the more I can help.

Speaking and sharing my message, either in videos, events or blogs.

Serving and helping someone who’s feeling so stuck and relieving them of some of their pain.

Time with my family, our monthly lunch date and weekly dinner with the parentals.

What slows me and weighs me down:

Letting go of my routine for others, that’s been a huge learning in my relationship this year.

Lack of clarity and not knowing where I stand, LOVE clarity and the power it has.

When I don’t stick to a feel good for me diet.

The detail, detail and know focused on processes to outsource the detail, detail.

Taking on the problems of others and trying to heal the world, as an empath it can be real hard to switch off from others.

Giving away my energy and feeling good to easily, spending too much time with drainers and not enough with lifters.

Over committing and feeling like I have to prove myself, to clients and those I love.

What’s your list? This will help you with the next step and is the foundation for your best EVER year.

I invite you:

To become the world leading expert in YOU.
To get to truly and deeply know why you say, think, feel and do certain things.
To become the number 1 authority in YOU.
To know the light and the dark, plus all the bits in between.
To understand the amazing person you already are.

To see and appreciate the magic you have within you.
Kinda like embarking on a project for life, Project You.

3) Feeling First

What I have called Passion Planning. So here we start to create how you want to FEEL, all goals are search for a feeling so here we start inside out and start with the feeling to create the goals. You’re invited to be brave and honest here, the truth will set you free always so honour yourself by being as honest as you can.

And the more we lead with feelings, the more we start to trust our heart and will make more powerful decisions, say no more and keep clarity on what we want. Think of it like this, your yes and no’s should be a feck YES or feck NO all based on how you most want to feel.

For me, my key values are love, freedom and courage. So when I’m living from these I’m the most aligned and powerful version of me. I show up as the REAL me in all areas of my life.

Love – Love for me first, what makes my heart happy and full of love. The more I do of what I LOVE the more love I have to give out. And with my clients the more they KNOW who they are the more they can LOVE who they are, it’s difficult to love what we don’t know.

Freedom – Freedom of time, geography and financially but above all create freedom to be ME in what I say, think, feel and do. No compromises or people pleasing, me being free to be me. AND this has meant the end or putting on hold of some important relationships but I learnt so much from that.

Courage – Courage means to speak from the heart, so know I’m as honest and truthful as I can be in all areas of my life. I can still hide away and be scared of difficult conversations BUT I always know afterwards that I’ve been true to myself. And you might be following me now, from some of the courageous stories I’ve shared.

So for me 2018 is the year of FEELING and living in these values, simple as. From there I’ll shape my goals and intentions.

So for you how do you most want to feel? It can be aspirational and doesn’t need to be in the bag exercise.

4) Lead with Love

Not proving, chasing and pushing, proving and seeking approval as you might have done before. Where does this lead? To pushing and doing things we think we “should”, “could” or feel obligated to do. That leads to frustration and living someone’s else life, with your true life compromised.

And I see it in so many women, seeking love from others and people pleasing, over committing and living the busiest of ground hog days to feel worthy of love.

You are ENOUGH.
You are WORTHY.
You are AMAZING.
You are YOU-NIQUE just as you are.
^^^^ In fact you’re one in 7.6 billion, there’s only ONE of you so share that gift with the world. You are worthy of everything your heart desires, the world needs more women to chase their dreams.

5) Become a Woman of Action

Finally become a woman of action. You know now:
The nuggets and diamonds from last year.
A whole load of new intel on YOU.
How you would LOVE to feel. That leading with LOVE will bring you more LOVE.

So based on your feelings what would you LOVE to say, think, feel and do? Then pick 1 step towards these. Check in weekly with this and see where you are versus how you want to feel, then count your magic moments and readjust your course to feel more of how you want to.

And a REALLY important last tip, take this all at YOUR pace. That isn’t too fast so you feel overhwhelmed or too slow so you feel frustrated it’s progress at a feel good rate. That creates momentum and that in turn brings more progress.

The message here is simple and the message I want to share with the world throughout the entirety of my life.

Know
Love
BE you.

And in doing that you’re 2018 WILL be your best ever year. I promise you that, how do I know … I live and breath this everyday.

If you’d LOVE me to be your coach then I invite to book a Free Breakthrough call here. I give 5 hours a week to help ladies get a Breakthrough to overcoming their biggest challenge. And then we can see if there’s a good fit between us.

Big love

Nic x

PPS Whenever you’re ready …here are 4 ways I can help you to Know, Love and Be you to be confident in your own skin and love your life.

Register for this private training … The 7 Day StrongHer Self Love Challenge is a great start point with a short challenge for each day that you can do when it suits you. Over 250 women have now been through this 7 Day Kickstart to knowing and loving themselves, with results as varied as they were AMAZING. CLICK HERE.

Join the StrongHer Revolution free group of amazing women who are starting to put themselves first and get to know who they are and what they want. It’s the StrongHer Facebook family where busy, successful women learn to at last know themselves and create a life they love. CLICK HERE.

Join our StrongHer Revolution Programme. Over 125 women in the last year have now gone through my beloved group programme, with HUGE changes in their lives and how they feel about themselves. Between them they’ve found more clarity, belief and confidence to make HUGE courageous changes in their lives. To create new businesses, change careers, leave or start relationships, moved countries, taken up lifelong passions and there’s even been a wedding and a baby. Would you like to be the next StrongHer Success story? If so … just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer Revolution” in the subject.

Work with me and my team privately. If you’d like to have some closer support, my latest thinking and weekly nudges from yours truly to take you from where you are now to having clarity, confidence and belief. Join my limited group of incredible VIP clients to take you from being lost and confused to living a truly happy life and be confident in your own skin. Just hit reply to this message and put “StrongHer VIP” in the subject line, telling me a little about your current challenge and what you’d want to work on together.

^^^ Oh and all of these are invites which you are free to say FECK yes to or bear in mind in the future. Either is good with me

2017 you rocked …how was yours?

So it’s that funny time between Christmas and New Year. I’ve taken a few days just to be and relax with my family, but when I relax I get all creative and want to write. To share my story and invite you all to sit round the camp fire and listen to my stories. If you want to.

So 2017 WOW what a year. How was yours?

What went on?

The first year in my beach house.

An amazing man and our gorgeous boys.

An AMAZING 40th birthday with my family.

Created my dream business working in my magic.

Helped over 200 women Know, Love and Be Themselves.

Running 5 sold out retreats, 10 VIP days and 3 sold out StrongHer Revolutions and an amazing group of VIP clients.

Amazing clients, brave and amazing ladies in the growing ShRev tribe.

Launched StrongHer Radio that’s been downloaded in 26 countries.

Wrote and created my first book, the StrongHer Diary and Journal.

New friends and time with beloved ones.

A dream trip to Peru and seeing Macchu Picchu with my own eyes.

Supporters and fans … One hater and one stalker

Refound a love of training, weightlifting and Crossfit.

Health issues and a new appreciation of my body.

A naked photoshoot for my 40th, in the COLD Cornish sea.

My loving family nearer than ever and time with my parents.

Fun and giggles in bucket loads and a truly happy heart.

More sunsets and sunrises that took my breath away.

This year for the first time in my life I can truly say with certainty that I AM ENOUGH, I spent the whole year living knowing that. How do I know this … because I’ve had the courage to get to know who I am and really fall in love with all that I am.

You don’t need to be slimmer, more intelligent, more sucessful, have money, know more, lose weight, stronger, fitter just be YOU. But first you have to know YOU. Being YOU is a gift to the world and to those who love you.

>>> You don’t need to be MORE than you are just ALL that you are.

It wasn’t a year of unicorns and rainbows, there were challenges … finanancial pressures at times, the focus on a new business, people close to me leaving my life and some haters and doubters.

So how did I learn this, amongst my 20 most powerful lessons for this year.

1) You FIRST

It’s ALWAYS you first. If you don’t put YOU first then you just live on other people’s agendas and time that won’t give you the life you want. YOU first and being selfish gives a better version of YOU back to the world … Surely your partner, children, family and friends deserve that?

BUT above all you deserve that, to live a life you love in a body your proud of. I’ve done more of me first than ever before this year, 3 weeks in Peru and Miami being the biggest me first statement, even when I’d just starting dating my amazing man.

2) Find your FREEDOM

Do you know what freedom means to you? Do you have a clear dream of what you want? If you don’t how will you know what you’re working towards?

I have a clear dream … to be a mum, with a business that I love giving me that freedom and that motivates me more than anything it is my rocket fuel to keep me going even on days I don’t want to. So freedom for me means … structure, routine and financial freedom for the day to day to create my future.

3) It takes COURAGE to know who you are

Looking hard at yourself isn’t easy, trust me I know. It takes courage and is the work that most people aren’t willing to do. BUT it means that you have certainty and clarity on who you are and what you want.

It means that you can create prediction and response for yourself in this sometimes-crazy world. You can’t control other people and you shouldn’t try but you CAN create certainty within you.

You deserve that right? And I’ve seen so many ladies lean into this amazing, challenging and life’s BIGGEST journey. #project YOU what more exciting thing could you EVER work on.

4) Invest in YOU

I’ve spent over £5k this year investing in ME. Yes to grow my business but my business only grows when I grow. It’s okay to invest in YOU, to give yourself a huge vote of confidence and say YES I want more and I want to be more.

INVEST IN YOU AS YOU ARE YOUR ONLY ASSET when it comes to it.

21 days in Peru and Miami, then the investment of time. Money and effort meant that I was INVESTED that I was focused on what I learnt and as a result my life changed.

That new car or new handbag all well and good BUT investing in changing YOU, that’s for LIFE. To have a better life, being more of YOU to step into happiness and fulfilment. That to me is what investing is all about.

5) Ask for Help

I have an AMAZING support network and ask for help when I need it. I have sought out the people I resonate with and believe in to work with. I know now that asking for help is STRONG, it’s a sign of knowing that there is someone there that has done what you want and that they can help you. Don’t suffer alone and be a martyr.

Stick you hand up and ask for help, support and love. Being an entrepreneur can be lonely and hard work, having my support crew helps me know I’m not alone … AND HAVE FUN.

6) Love starts with YOU

You can’t give out what you don’t have. So if you don’t have LOVE how can you expect to give it to others? It’s not arrogant to say I LOVE YOU … it just means you know who you are and accept all that you are wobbly bits and imperfections included. All the mysterious magic that makes you

I LOVE ME .. that’s not arrogance, that’s certainty from knowing you are enough and being at peace with who you are. I think that’s a great place to be BUT it takes work and a lot of the internal work.

7) Love is always HOPE

I started the year hurting from a failed relationship, but then a friend became so much more and I’m very happy to be truly and deeply in love with a gorgeous man. To me love is always hope. Would I do things differently, NO not really. Love to me is always how to lead your life.

I led from a place of love and that bought hope. Would I slow things down and not be so open and move at a slower pace. NO. I let love lead and be witness to where it takes me, I’ve been authentic and true.

8) Have FUN and be like a child

I’d let my life become so serious early in the year. Setting up the new business it was about numbers and income and WORK. I’d made it like that, I’d created that with my need for security. BUT Peru and Miami was 22 days of fun and giggles, sniggering like children and laughing my face ached. Whatever you are doing think like a child and make it fun.

There is not evidence to believe life has to be serious NONE so don’t live it like that.

9) SLOW DOWN

Life doesn’t need to be at 100 miles an hour. How does it feel to be caught in a rushed ground hog day existence to ALWAYS rush. NOT great right? So don’t make it so.

SLOW IS FAST, what do I mean? Well rather than rush in stop and think first, then find the pace that is right for you. It might not be as fast as someone else but that’s irrelevant. I’m building my business at a pace that’s right for me. As soon as I look at someone else and compare it’s NOT FAST enough. So find YOUR pace to build your dream life and body.

10) Comparison is the thief of joy

Comparing used to kill me at times and kick off a pity party, “Why not me” and I’d KICK my arse. Instead now I look for PROGRESS in ME and MY life. I look to bounce back a little more quickly when I’m not feeling great. Write a new blog. Create a new programme to help women. Improve something in my business … all of it is PROGRESS.

When there is progress there is less need to compare. When you are focused on your business, the need to compare to others just ebbs away.

11) It’s okay to experience the Dark Side

There can’t be light without dark, yet just like Star Wars there is a need to balance the two. You can’t know and step into the light without knowing the dark.

And after the dark there is ALWAYS LIGHT, so embrace the darkness. This year I lost my fear of the dark, I don’t LIKE the dark days but I know they lead to a brighter light afterwards.

^^^ A little bit Star Wars there lol!

12) Trust YOURSELF

Have faith and confidence in who you are and trust that inner voice from your heart. Trust your feelings as they are your truth speaking. I used to shy away from THAT voice and ignore it.

I used to live by the views and opinions of others and that WAS NOT my life. That was living a life by proxy. That was NOT a happy life. That was 3 years trying to leave a husband I no longer loved. That was staying in a corporate career that was killing my soul. That was creating my business as others felt I SHOULD

That was doubting myself and just led to a path of unhappiness. Trust yourself and your heart it will lead you to great things.

13) Build your DREAMs and stop feeding your NIGHTMARES

I’m still guilty of this one thing happens and that leads me to jump ahead and predict a whole future of what I DON’T want. STOP BEING A TIME TRAVELLER. I was SOO guilty of that I truly was. Eg a client leaves, means I have a shit business and no one wants my help … WRONG.

Instead focus on your dream. For me now that means focus on my business to make them what I want to support my dream of being a mum and having a family.

14) Your POWER is in your struggles

I’ve learnt that your struggles bring you POWER. If you can accept them, see them for what you’ve learnt and grow from them. Sound woo woo? It’s my belief that our struggles give us power.

Imagine this your dog, gets VERY ill VERY quickly and within 10 days you have to say goodbye. To recover from that was tough I have not bitterness or regret about it, just love for my Sam Sam.

So rather than wallow and be a victim to your past. Look at the power from your struggles, look at how you’ve come through them and what you’ve learnt. How much better you know yourself. Then YOU’LL GROWN, THEN THEY’VE GIVEN YOU POWER.

15) Chose experiences not STUFF

For me one of the things that means freedom to me is being able to travel. So this year I spent nearly a month in Peru, went skiing and to Marbella and nearly 3 weeks. I want to see the world, experience new cultures, food and have time to be ME. That is worth more to me than STUFF, so a fancy new car or shoes … I’d rather put that towards my next flight. 2017 is the year I do more of this and plan the year for ME and my gorgeous man to do more of this.

16) Find YOUR MAGIC

We all have magic in us, every single one of us. YES even you, don’t deny it. You might know it already or you might still be on the road to discovering it. BUT you owe it to the world to find it. Don’t shy away and play small there are people waiting to be helped with your magic.

My magic is helping women see that they are enough and stepping into their true power. It’s taken me 40 years and two trips to Thailand to find it but now it’s my mission and purpose.

17) Immerse YOURSELF

You can’t always find what you want and need from our day-to-day life. Sometimes it’s necessary to step away and immerse yourself in an experience to take those huge leaps forward. Time to focus on YOU away from pressures of the day-to-day, stresses of your life and your responsibilities.

BUT that’s okay. It’s not selfish to take that time for you. To just be, to focus on you and breathe. I immersed myself in Peru for 3 weeks and my life as a result is happier and more of what I want.

18) Live your VALUES

My values this year have seen me through the dark times. They give me consistency and certainty in this crazy world that I can’t control. So instead my values give me certainty within me. Imagine being at home ANYWHERE in the world, not feeling lonely and being so at one with who you are that you find that pride in who you are again. You walk taller, shoulders back and head up.

They are you compass and with them you’ll always know your way home. What does that mean? Well my values are:

Love – Love YOU first and then always come form a place of love.

Freedom – Create freedom within your life to be who you are.

Courage – Take courage to get to know who you are.

So I would always act from there first and think of them when I’m in doubt then I get clarity over time. They are NOT always easy to find, you might want to try them on and they might not always fit. BUT keep looking … they are one of your superpowers.

19) Upgrade your BELIEFS

Your beliefs are the storylines that you live your life from. They are so powerful:

Beliefs = thoughts

Thoughts = Actions

Actions = Reality

And so the circle beings again. So it they serve you and give you the life you want then AMAZING. BUT if you’re not where you want to be then they might need upgrading.

What do I mean? If you do what you’ve always done you’ll have what you always have. So think about your beliefs around:

Money

Health

Relationships

Success

See which ones don’t serve you and upgrade them where needed. Make them serve you. Again whilst away this Summer I saw how my money beliefs DID NOT serve me they kept me in fear and scarcity for so long. So I worked on them and worked them, new beliefs = more financial security.

20) Don’t ask PERMISSION

You’re an AMAZING, woman you DO NOT NEED PERMISSION from anyone to do what you want. To live your dream you need to start living from a place that is YOU first. Yes I understand you have:

A partner

A family

Friends and loved ones

Responsibilities

A career

But you need to need to stop asking for permission and living for them. Love for YOU so they get the BEST of you. They deserve that but more than that YOU deserve that.

What did you learn this year?

Oh and also .. small dogs rock, big dogs rock too, Wonderwoman is my new girl crush, people are doing the best they can, Star Wars is immense, falling more deeply in love with travel and freedom, knowing I will bring my daughter into my life and I WILL have the dream business to support that.

So I invite you to think of, what did you learn this year? What were you most powerful lessons? From what we experience we can ALWAYS learn, grow and become more of US. That to me is what life is about.

We all LOVE magic? Being able to believe in the impossible and not truly knowing how a magic trick was done. It’s entrancing and we LOVE that moment to WOW how did they just do that. In my mind it’s gives us all hope that there is more to this world than what we know and what can be explained.

We all have MAGIC within us we truly do. Whether we can see it right now or not. Not the doves flying, rabbits out of hats and being cut in half magic.

BUT how we make people feel, the combination of our skills, abilities and what we can effortlessly that makes others feel happy or loved or just a little better.

My mum’s magic is being a MUM and sharing her love in a way that makes others feel loved and nurtured. She’s amazing at it and can’t help but do it. It flows from here and those around her feel the LOVE. I’ve been lucky enough to have it all my life and now I can give more of that back to her and see what sort of mum I want to be. Truly proud to call this amazing lady my mum. J

My magic I only discovered in the last few years is threefold:

Meeting people where they are, sitting in the dark with them if needed.

Speaking and storytelling in a simple but compelling way to inspire others.

Creating exciting plans and strategy of creating what you want not need.

^^^ I never used to see it, I used to downplay it and in corporate world I was told that fi I could just be a little less of me and a little quieter I’d do so much better. And now I get rewarded, with finances and fulfillment

Why should you care?

Your life will be bigger for living in your magic and you will be more of you than ever. I believe that life is truly about being you and the experiences and what we live through is all part of that shaping process.

Finding your magic I believe gives you:

More of being YOU and less comparsion.

A happier life doing things you love and less chasing the next thing.

A BIGGER impact on the world and those round you.

More self understanding and self love.

So with all the above the magic in you is there just waiting to be discovered. Let’s go.

5 Steps to Being in Your Magic

So here we go 5 steps I’ve taken to finding my own magic and also for my clients.

Write Down Awesome List

At the top of a blanket sheet of paper, write who I already am. Then write down all the wins you have in life, things you’ve achieved or got through.

Who Were You

Pick your top three and then consider WHO were you when you were doing this. What were you saying, thinking, feeling and doing.

Feelings

Add to that a dash of emotion so ho were you feeling when you were winning and at your best.

Fulfilment

Where are your biggest rewards? What gives you the most joy? And what makes your heart feel happy?

Do more of that

Yes really it is that simple, use the say, think, feel and do model and then do more of that.

Sounds simple, but simple isn’t always easy.

]]>https://www.strongheryou.com/2017/06/02/5-steps-to-being-in-your-magic-everyday/feed/0How to Stop Dieting Forever By Falling Back In Love With Food Againhttps://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/31/fall-back-in-love-with-food/
https://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/31/fall-back-in-love-with-food/#respondWed, 31 May 2017 13:55:55 +0000https://www.strongheryou.com/?p=31271

“I’ve been on a diet all my life.”

The brave lady sat in front of me was breaking my heart, sat red eyed from tears she described her relationship with food. It was a tempestuous and turbulent relationship, with comfort and emotional binge eating, self-hate and an obsession with the scales. It was a loveless relationship, full of regret, bitterness, misunderstandings and judgment.

And she is not alone from all the thousands of women I have spoken to and helped in some way, this relationship sadly is not unusual. From what I’ve seen food has become another battleground, another way of women not feeling enough and living in an overthinking world. Where each day they get confused about what and how to eat, if this week fats are good or bad and how many carbs are okay. If the latest celebratory diet will work for them or should they go back to Weightwatchers.

It’s a battle.

It’s a struggle.

It’s a fighting ground.

It’s about again proving you’re enough.

It’s not about love and care.

Al of this I see so much and it breaks my heart.

Here’s my truth for what it’s worth.

I believe that your relationship with food, is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. In my experience they get stronger and better together.

I had 18 months after a fitness model competition, of binge and disordered eating. For the competition I ate a very controlled and calorie restricted diet. I cut carbs and fats 3 weeks out from the competition, which sent my hormones and my emotions in a death fall that was awful to live through. I was constantly hungry and took no joy, everything was negative and I was on the verge of tears constantly. After the competition from the moment I got off stage I started eating and I didn’t stop, literally. I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and my weight when shooting back up. Where I ate either far too much or nothing at all and it took me another year to reset and create a good relationship with food again.

And now I LOVE food. It’s a huge part of my life, I love deciding what to eat and finding great ingredients then cooking and sit down to eat. I also love to find great new restaurants in Cornwall, with fresh fish and I LOVE a pasty or a cream tea. So that’s what I teach and coach my clients.

And within the StrongHer Revolution, the fourth of the StrongHer Principles is StrongHer Food. That’s where I teach women to fall back in love with food. To let go of obsessing over calories and the number on the scales. And instead to see food as part of self love. Part of connection, care and self love.

The thing is. The thing is NEVER the thing. What do I mean in this situation. Your relationship with food is NOT about the food it’s something deeper. So let’s start to find out

1) Stop making food a fight

The start to making a change is in accepting where you are right now. Buy deciding to make a change it. Think about the impact that your relationship with food has on your life right now. And all the areas that food impact on.

“Your life is shaped in the moments of destiny.”

2) The truth

Where are you right now? Write down all your beliefs about your relationship with food that you have now. ALL of them.

And then go through them all and write next to each one, true or false. And when I mean true I mean, you can prove to me it is true.

Then write down next to each one does it serve me. Does it help you have the life you want?

^^^ All of this will help you get some real clarity on what’s going on and your truth.

Then next up, what does this mean for your life? How does it affect how you feel? How do you feel when you eat?

4) How do you want it to be?

Think about how you want it to be? If you were to come from love how would it be? If you were to eat with love how would it be? If you were to prep food with love how would it be? What would you say think feel and do?

5) Step by step

Then think of it as a journey that you improve with the ebbs and flows of life. So think about one step and habit at a time. You can read my blog on how to create

Ready to make a change?

If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE StrongHer Breakthrough Session, worth £197 here.

60 minutes with the creator of StrongHer You, Nicola Buckley to find out why you’re not where you want to be.

Like what you’ve read and want to follow us:

Instagram: StrongHer_Formula

Twitter: StrongHer Formula

Facebook: Join the AMAZING family of SHRev ladies here for daily love, support and Noggin Knowledge StrongHer Revolution Free Group – Love, Know and Be YOU here.

]]>https://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/31/fall-back-in-love-with-food/feed/05 Steps for All Women to Be Happy and Confident in Who They Arehttps://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/31/5-steps-for-all-women-to-be-happy-and-confident-in-who-they-are/
https://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/31/5-steps-for-all-women-to-be-happy-and-confident-in-who-they-are/#respondWed, 31 May 2017 10:40:53 +0000https://www.strongheryou.com/?p=31266

“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” ~Maya Angelou

I was NEVER ENOUGH. And it’s something I see and chat to with so many of the women who ask for my help.

A story first …

I invite you to time travel with me back to March 2014. I was clearing out some pics over the weekend and found this one. One of my semi kinda smiles lol!

Before I went to Thailand …
I was so deep in worry and threat I felt like I couldn’t breath. Each day I’d wake up feeling sick about what the day would bring. Expecting a new drama or failure which in turn created a new drama or failure.

I was so worried and anxious I couldn’t eat much and trained on zero energy in the gym, to punish myself.

I was obsessed with money and the lack of, so would feel sick time EVERYTIME I paid for something.

I had a failing business that I attached my status to. A good business day was a good day for me AND a bad day was a AWFUL day for me.

I was ready to give up and just give myself up to staying in duvet world.

Why where did the NOT ENOUGHness come from?

I had a loving childhood in idyliic Cornwall with parents who gave me ALL they could. But I saw them work and work to support us and give us everything they could. A mum who would always put others before herself and beat herself up when she was “wrong”. A dad who never reached where he wanted to in his career as he didn’t get the support he asked for when he was younger.

It seemed that this conditioned me to FEEL I WASN’T EVER ENOUGH.

Good enough

Successful enough,

Happy enough

Toned enough

Clever enough.
^^^ Just not ENOUGH for me let alone anyone else.

Which meant any new relationships we’re ALL or NOTHING.

Ending in NOTHING time after time. I was unfairly putting EVERYTHING on someone else making me unhappy.
^^^ I can see that now/

What happened NEXT?
SO after weeks of procrastinating I bought tickets to Thailand. Even in this beautiful country I was still NOT ENOUGH.

It was ironic. Away in this amazing country with beautiful sunsets with a month on my own and still not feeling ENOUGH.

To be sat on beautiful beaches in the country I’d always dreamed of visiting I still felt:

I didn’t deserve to be there and felt guilty for spending so much money and time away.
I’d deserted my business and felt ashamed at where I was with it.

I felt let down by the men who I’d had relationships with and panicked that I wasn’t going to ever have a family. BUT in truth I’d put so much pressure on them to make me happy.

Scared to truly let go and love the experience fully.

It took weeks for me to relax into enjoying and appreciating the amazing experience I had.

To realise that I was ENOUGH. That I was WORTHY.That I DESERVED to be there, relax and spend time on ME.

Over that time away I went from lost, depressed, unhappy, alone, afraid, unworthy and quite frankly a ‘lifeless’ shell of a woman

INTO… with more work and still working on it now.
The most loving and happy version of myself that I’ve ever known…

Here’s the THING ….

It doesn’t matter WHERE YOU ARE or what YOU DO. You carry YOU with YOU. You have the SAME feelings. You have the SAME beliefs and stories.
^^^ They don’t change just with a new place no matter how beautiful.

Do you feel that you are ENOUGH?
For all women who don’t feel ENOUGH. It won’t be solved with:

Working harder and harder to earn more to buy more

Putting everyone else first, your children, partner and family.

More exotic holidays and escapes

Getting a new job that pays more and is the next step.

Another romance where you pin it ALL on the other person making you happy.

How do I know?

Because that was ME. I’ve tried all of the above and more.

I bought more stuff or new cars.

Worked hard for my next rung up the corporate ladder.

Had more lunches out and filled my wardrobe.

Worked harder and longer at the gym and beat myself up when I didn’t eat “right”

More dates with guys I thought would fix me.

Escaped to more exotic holidays.

Why do women NOT think they are ENOUGH?

Every day on TV, the media tells us how we should be and how we should look. From a young girl I saw these images of how I SHOULD look, for me I grew up at the time Kate Moss was the IT girl.

We are taught to identify with our physical body, how we LOOK and our possessions, the STUFF.

We are led to believe that if we look a certain way, we will be happier, loved more, and accepted by others. Women even more so I believe … if you’re PRETTY you’ll be fine. If you’re thin you’ll find true love.

OR if we become successful and have more and more money I the bank, then we’ll be happy.

How did I learn I was ENOUGH …

In November 2015, when I was finally able to be in a bikini with my shoulders back, belly in and boobs out proudly creating my dream programme … that was to help women KNOW that they were ENOUGH.

Over those 10 days with the world famous heart and head mentor Dax Moy I learnt who I was and what I wanted. I looked at the darkness of the fears and the light of my BIG dreams.

When asked I listed out 71 fears … 71 fears I was scared of and that I assumed were true as I lived my life by then.

But it all came back to one old belief.

I WASN’T ENOUGH ….. And it WAS A LIE.

And how has my life changed now?

Over time I began to listen to our body and become more aware, judging it less and loving it more.

Stress doesn’t go away, but the way I deal with it changed. I’ve become kinder to myself, kinder to others.

When we love ourselves, become compassionate and patient with ourselves, we are able to give it away freely to others.

I have learned over the years I am not my past. I am not what happened to me, and I am not my physical body, the number on a scales or a bank account balance.

I am so much more, I have so much to give, and I am perfect just the way I am. As I go through life there will always be someone who will criticize and judge. Let them I know who I am and that won’t change.

And as for YOU.

I want you to know that you are amazing and perfect just the way you are. Criticize yourself less, love yourself more, and you will be happier.

True beauty is found within. And you’re happijness and health will come from knowing who you are and what you want.

We have been brainwashed to think that perfection is outside of ourselves. The perfect house, car, family, and life. The perfect body. The perfect career.

We have been brainwashed to strive for perfection. All this striving makes us miserable. We can have goals, work toward them, and become better at things, but when we identify them with who we are, it steals our joy.

When we find our true nature, this is where happiness lies. Joy cannot be found outside of ourselves.

If there is something you don’t like, change it, but don’t identify with it. Every day be the best you that you can be by loving yourself.

5 Super Simple Steps to Knowing YOU are ENOUGH

1) Write a Win list

Write down all the amazing things about yourself, the things that make YOU … well YOU. From when you were a youngster up until now, things you’ve achieved, created or overcome. Whatever you decide to be a win. On days you’re not feeling enough look back at it.

2) Look BACK at your progress

Look at what you’ve DONE and ACHIEVED in life. If you’re struggling look back on this week and write down your weekly wins. Think about where you are now compared to last week, or last month and even the not so good is still progress if you learn from it.

3) When will you ever be ENOUGH?

This is the question that floored me. That I couldn’t answer, as I didn’t have a point at which I’d be ENOUGH SO I was never going to be. When will you be enough?

4) Look at ALL the reasons why you’re NOT enough

And ask yourself if they’re true. Be honest with yourself if you CAN’T PROVE it it’s not true. So LET IT GO. You are enough. You are here. You are breathing, living and wanting more. So you are ENOUGH.

5) Ask your loved ones what you do for them and why you’re ENOUGH for them. It’ll give you some amazing insights.

Ready to make a change?

If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE StrongHer Breakthrough Session, worth £197 here.

60 minutes with the creator of StrongHer You, Nicola Buckley to find out why you’re not where you want to be.

Like what you’ve read and want to follow us:

Instagram: StrongHer_Formula

Twitter: StrongHer Formula

Facebook: Join the AMAZING family of SHRev ladies here for daily love, support and Noggin Knowledge StrongHer Revolution Free Group – Love, Know and Be YOU here.

Having spoken to thousands of women during the last few years, I know the REAL reasons behind why they’re lost or stuck.

It breaks my heart that these women are caught up in judgement; self hate and blame for not being where they want to be in life.

Not liking what they see in the mirror

Not being happy in their relationship

Feeling self conscious when being intimate with their partner

Always working hard to prove themselves in the office

Trying to be superwomen running a business whilst having a family.

Suffering at the hands of low self-confidence and lack of belief in what they’re capable of

Not seeing what a beautiful person they are or what they’ve achieved

I get it. I truly do and it’s my passion and purpose now to help women FEEL AMAZING, love their lives and fee confident in their own skin.

How do I understand it so much??

I’ve been there. I suffered for 2 years from crippling anxiety and depression with the biggest daily battle being with the duvet. Where I drank and chased guys to numb the pain and not face what I so desperately needed to.

When I won I’d get out and live a normal day, I’d go to work and see my clients. On the days I lost I was stuck crying and struggling to breath for the weight of anxiety in my chest. I wouldn’t eat and I’d hide away and avoid my loved ones.

BUT what I’ve learnt. IT’S NOT MY FAULT. And IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT EITHER. Not in the way that you think. Not in the way you’re lazy, stupid or self sabotaging. It’s just that you don’t know what you don’t know and your brain is running the show.

Learning how to DRIVE your Brain

Knowing, loving and being you and leading the happy life that comes from it all comes down to learning how to drive your brain. We’re given the world’s most advanced super computer but given no idea how to drive it.

We’re not given an instruction manual or there’s not Apple genius equivalent to ask. Well there is me lol

MINDSET to me doesn’t exist. BRAINSET is where the magic and true transformation happens. This is the REAL work to make lasting changes in your life.

We all want to understand ourselves more, how we react and how we feel. How often have you thought or people told you , “it’s all in the mind.” Well here’s the REVELATION it’s not in the mind … it is all in the brain.

And from my £30k investment in ME, from studying neuroscience for the last 4 years and the last 2 years intensely and from my more than 500 clients I’m going to share the NOGGIN KNOWLEDGE I’ve learnt.

The ninja noggin tips that have led me to the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been at the age of 40. Now living an amazing life with an amazing guy in the best shape of my life, all in my dream house on the beach.

My Top 10 Noggin Knowledge Tips

1) “Why can’t I break those old habits that hold me back”

The job of the brain is pattern recognition; it’s a meaning machine. Based on our survival instinct our brain will look for patterns that it can predict as these are “safe” as it knows what will happen next.

This will happen even if they are not in your best interests. This shows that you are living in the brain stem of your brain, so the primitive part of the brain that’s only interested in fight, flight, freeze, f*ck and food.

E.g. for me when I was in corporate world, with a big launch fast approaching the going off track when I was under pressure. ^^^ Did that serve me. NO but was it a pattern my brain knew and felt safe with. YES

Action: Areas of your life that stress or worry you are lacking in a process or a structure … how can you change that? Areas of life that you overthink and can’t make decisions on you are simply lacking definition, again how can you create more of that certainty.

2) “Why do I always end up comfort eating when I’m stressed?”

The brain will create predictions to it has certainty. The brain wants to protect you and keep you alive above all. It will create neural pathways and habits in order to create prediction. This is called Hebbs Law, a trigger and reaction that is wired together.

These patterns are then stored in the Basal Ganglia and as babies we train ourselves that comfort is in food.

When you are in fear mode, the thinking, brainy part of our brain closes off and we cannot use it. We will act on past stories and experiences to keep us safe in that way the brain will get the prediction it’s looking for.

Action: Question hard-wired connections, e.g. I’ve had a hard day, I “deserve” a treat, a glass of wine. Ask does it serve my purpose? Beware of moral licence, justifying behaviours with “need”, “deserve”, “reward” watch out for these hard wired justifications. Think about the bottle of wine you’ve earnt after a hard day at work.

3) “Why do I get SO scared when I try something new that I know will help me.”

You will feel fear when you make a change If in doubt it will put you into fear mode. Fear can be triggered by a change that was too fast, too slow or something the brain is not sure of intent.

The reactions to fear, can include freeze, flight or fright. When in fear you can’t use the thinking part of your brain, you revert to past experiences and stories.

Action: Recognise fear in yourself and verbalise them to make them less of a threat. For others, be aware and try not to judge e.g. your partner being argumentative when you get home from work. What is their fear? What can you help them with? Being more aware in this way will make you less judgemental.

4) “Why do I always have a glass of wine when I feel down.”

You’re stories are fired and wired together. You are human, our brains are wired to work in a certain way. We evolved from cavemen where our fears were based on staying alive, feeding and sleeping.

We are still wired in that way, hence we like predictability and stories. With this comes wired and fired emotions leading into actions. Eg Hard day = I “deserve” a bottle of wine.

Action: Challenge these wired and fired links, ask yourself each time “does it serve my purpose” or “is it true”. If I drink that wine does it serve my purpose? Is it true it makes me a failure?

5) “I don’t know why I get so down and why I’m always so hard on myself.”

Negative like velcro, positive is like Teflon for the brain. Again due to our brain wanting us to survive, our brains cling to the negative as it is more likely to endanger us. It will also be drawn to negativity to give us the best chance of survival.

The brain wants to maintain the status quo and balance.

Action: Challenge your negative thoughts by asking “Is that true”, search for the truth and the meaning behind your words. And each day write down the great things that happened, or at least something positive for each day.

6) “Why do I always fail when I start a diet.” Speed of change

Again back to the YOU are unique, each of us have a reaction to speed of change e.g. for some it can be fast for others it can’t be too fast. Think about your own reactions and how you cope with change. How much can you create into small steps with your diet plan to then build from there.

Action: Put in place the small steps to change and take action it at YOUR pace. I am not going to make this a 10, 21 or 28 day diet but MY programme to take MY pace.

7) “I never see the good and the positive in myself or my life.” Self esteem bank account

Reward yourself and value what you have achieved not what you haven’t. Our brain has a goal seeking neurotransmitter called dopamine, it drives us onto a goal no matter what is in the way and measures our success only against that goal. Yet at the end when we get to that goal it doesn’t reward us with a virtual thank you, a serotonin fix the happy hormone.

Action: Reward yourself for the small steps you take towards a goal. Keep an achievement diary, write down, recognise and pat yourself on the back for what you HAVE done at the end of each day. Get that happy hormone fix. Think of it as adding to the self esteem bank account, each time you take a step towards a goal add a credit.

8) “I always seem to fall off track on Friday nights at home.” Where are you?

The brain has deep-wired connections between you and your environment. Are there places that you go and they bring back deep-seated memories that trigger happy or sad feelings? Your brain is reliving the experience and your hormones will do the same, triggering cortisol for those upsetting memories.

For example I recently split up from someone I really cared about and I’ve found it really tough. I had lots of memories about him and our time together. I have had to get rid of all messages and any evidence of our relationship as it doesn’t serve my purpose to revisit it.

Action: In your home sit in each room and think about how you feel when you are in that room, what feelings does it trigger? Do they make you feel good or not so much? If not so much what can you do to change that. How can you make each room somewhere you love being?

9) “I never get the support I seem to need as my husband doesn’t understand me.”

Who’s on your team? Your success in life will come easier with supporters and true fans in your corner. So ask yourself who’s on your team? Do you have your die hard supporters? What do you want them to do to help you?

For example when you reach for that bottle of wine after a hard day at work, that you “deserve” do you want them to ask you “how does that serve you?”. Or if you say “I am fat” is that true?

Action: Think about the people in your life, how will they help you? Are they supporters or doubters? What do you NEED your supporters to do? Ask them to do it … SIMPLES

10) “I always feel that I should be doing MORE Be authentic and the real you

You can’t feck up being YOU. Don’t be scared of showing emotion and how you feel, you think about your fears and threats. If you learn to work with these and share them they become less scary to start with. When you are showing your true emotion others round you will feel empathy and connect with you.

It is part of being human, sharing real emotion isn’t weak don’t be ashamed or scared of it.

Action: Think about what or who has triggered your fear and what you small steps you can take to make the fear less scary. Or find a coach like me to help you find YOUR truth and coaching you to win in life. Watch this video by Brenegh Brown, vulnerability is power.

Final Noggin Knowledge

We are all unique, in fact unique EVERY single day. Yet we also human beings, and as humans our brains our wired in a certain way. Learn to work with it and understand it.

Remember it is not in your mind, mindset or you it is your brain and how your brain was designed to works to keep you alive. I hope this has helped you understand a little about how your brain works.

Ready to make a change?

If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE StrongHer Breakthrough Session, worth £197 here.

60 minutes with the creator of StrongHer You, Nicola Buckley to find out why you’re not where you want to be.

Like what you’ve read and want to follow us:

Instagram: StrongHer_Formula

Twitter: StrongHer Formula

Facebook: Join the AMAZING family of SHRev ladies here for daily love, support and Noggin Knowledge StrongHer Revolution Free Group – Love, Know and Be YOU here.

]]>https://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/30/10-most-power-noggin-knowledge-truths/feed/010 Simple Ways to STOP Making Your Life So Hardhttps://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/18/10-simple-ways-to-stop-making-your-life-so-hard/
https://www.strongheryou.com/2017/05/18/10-simple-ways-to-stop-making-your-life-so-hard/#respondThu, 18 May 2017 14:37:33 +0000https://www.strongheryou.com/?p=31252

“Why’s it SO hard,” I used to be trapped in this thinking that life was a STRUGGLE and really HARD. So guess what my life was:

HARD

STRUGGLE

CHALLENGING

I spent 18 months with on anti depressants crippled by anxiety and depression. My biggest success in a day would be to get out of bed and get dressed. In those days I NEVER thought I could be a woman with complete freedom and run a business I LOVE.

BUT I was so ingrained in the habits, behavior and patterns of someone with depression guess what I was … a DEPRESSIVE. From a brain point of view those patterns and habits had kept me alive and the brain’s main job is survival it doesn’t really care if you are happy. If you wake up the next day the brain has done it’s job,

I’m not trying to sound flippant and that you can change your thoughts in a minute. BUT you and your life is the result of how you think and feel. So if you think life is a struggle and hard … GUESS what? It WILL be.

You are what you think. So become the writer of your own story and start to change the storyline from a nightmare to a thriller.

Okay Nic that’s all great BUT what does that mean. Don’t worry I’m not a woo coach who gives BIG sweeping statements like STOP making life so HARD but instead I want to give you steps to get there.

From what I’ve learnt and from working with more than 500 women in the last 2 years here are my simple steps to STOP making life so hard.

1. We Never STOP, we just DO.

If you are always in DO mode then you never get or make time to just stop and BE. If you’re so busy being a mum, partner, career girl and business leader you’ll never get time to breath and reflect on if your life is what you want. I get it you think the world will fall off it’s axis if you stop. Newsflash it won’t and those around you might just end up fending for themselves a little more. When you just keep going you’ll become frustrated and then start to resent those you put first. How do I know I’ve been there.

My Invitation: I invite you to stop and spend some time on YOU. Even if you make it a cuppa first thing or a longer dog walk before the kids. Give yourself time to BE rather than just DO. Check in and feel how you feel. Think with some clarity. And that is when the light bulbs flash up.

2. We Lack Clarity and a Vision

I was guilty of this for many years after my divorce my life path changed. For the time being my dream of being a wife and a mum, creating a home full of love and warmth was no longer. I was too busy living as I thought I SHOULD to take the time to get clear on what I wanted. I created a great life, a successful business based on what I felt I SHOULD be doing. Then I woke up to myself and as I got stronger and clearer I realised that I’d chosen the well trodden path of other’s success. NOT MINE. And that had made it a struggle and hard work. Leaving me stressed and anxious on a daily basis.

My Invitation to You: Spend time to create your BIG vision, your perfect day that you could live over and over again. This gives your life and YOU focus and clarity.

3. We’re Always Searching

We make life hard when we keep searching for that feeling of contentment and acceptance. You always feel like you should have, be or strive for more. I always thought it was in the external things, stuff and other people:

The BIGGER business

The GUY

The BABY

The next HOLIDAY

More MONEY

More TIME

But really I was searching for was ALL within me. I just didn’t realise it. And many of my clients when they have time to think see how they’ve made life hard by SEARCHING for that thing and the relief and pleasure when some of them realise they have ALL that they want in life already is HUGE.

My Invitation to You: Before you strive onwards to the next thing in search of your “happy”. STOP and truly appreciate all that you have and are RIGHT now. You can’t find your path to where next when you don’t know where you’re starting from.

4. The Negative Story

So our brains are designed to stick to the stories we have. When you’re stuck your just caught in your old stories and your brain wants to keep you there as it’s “safe”. Safety and happy are different things, the brain is ONLY designed for safety and we need to nurture our happiness.

For example I used to have a story when I split up from a partner that I would be on my own forever, become a mad dog woman and end up penniless and alone. It now makes me smile that I used to think like that. It was ALL a story. If you’re telling yourself that life is hard guess what will happen? Your life will be HARD, you’ll find evidence to support this and then the story will become more engrained and harder to shift.

My Invitation to You:

If you keep finding the same challenges and hardship coming up in your life. Ask yourself one of the most powerful questions you can:

Is it true? And I mean can you PROVE to me what you think is true? So often we lie to ourselves and not in a manipulative way but in a letting old stories run way.

5. We’ve Got Bad Habits

Our brains are designed to be efficient and part of that is reliance on habits and routines. Again to your brain this means safety and survival. It may mean that old habits of finding things hard and difficult. I had a habit of NOT looking at my numbers, now I check my bank balance daily on an app so I have awareness. So the great news is that your bad habits are NOT your fault and also you can follow a process to change them.

My invitation to you: Start to become aware of the habits that are keeping you stuck and finding things HARD. Read my guide to understanding habits and how to create new ones.

6. The Addiction to Perfectionsim

Women especially feel that they need to be perfect. The perfect, wife, mum career woman and businesswoman. I truly believe that there is no such thing as perfect it’s just about knowing, loving and being you … that to me is perfection. And unless we define perfect we’re not giving ourselves a chance to get there. I’m not perfect BUT I know I have an amazing gift to help women know, love and be themselves. To help them I don’t need to be perfect BUT just be me. And I learn everyday about how to enhance my magic and become a more and more powerful coach.

My Invitation to You: Let go of perfect, if you can do, be or create something to help people and leave them as a better person then truest yourself and do it. Create a legacy there are people who NEED you’re help, your searching for perfection is stopping them having your help.

7. A Lack of Scale and Perspective

When you stuck in overwhelm and it all feels so hard and difficult, everyday feels like hard work. Really?? Think about it and be honest, so you’re phone has run out of charge or someone cut you up on the way to work or you forgot your child’s PE kit. Where’s your perspective and scale? You open the key to a warm house, you open the fridge door to food and you can call anyone you love in an instant. Life isn’t too shabby in reality. Life happens TO YOU, NOT FOR YOU. It’s about your attitude and keeping a sense of perspective.

My Invitation to You: Get some perspective by practicing gratitude, each day list 3 things you’re grateful for in your life. And when life chucks you a curve ball, ask yourself will it matter in a day, week, month or year. If it won’t don’t let it matter now.

8. Always Saying YES and People Pleasing

I used to people please and live my life for others, I did that for the first 38 years of my life. It meant I was reactive, living off emotion and followed the path others thought I “should”. It was only when I got to truly know me that I started to live for me and enjoy life. There’s nothing easier in life than following your heart, but we’re so scared of the reaction and judgment from others all too often we shy away and veer away from what we truly want. Therefore we’re always on the road to somewhere we’ve not chosen and that makes life hard.

My Invitation to You: Learn what YOU truly want and start to take small steps to get there. And learn to say no, if it’s not a feck yes then it’s a no thank you. A moment of awkwardness halts the resentful feeling of being put upon and trying to please everyone. But truly you please no one, especially not you.

9. We Live in REACTION

Before I knew about Noggin Knowledge and what my brain was trying to do for me I lived in a world of reaction. Reaction is where the old stories and we go into autopilot mode we have play out which will keep us stuck in hardship. What we should look for is to consciously respond not react.

Eg someone would say something at work that I should tone myself down, it would trigger an old story of not being enough and then I’d stew all day about it and let it fester. Sound familiar? If it does you’re not alone we find things hard when we’re in constant reaction mode, when we always DOING and not letting ourselves stop for air. That normally doesn’t stop until it all gets too much and we have a feck it moment when we just can’t carry on. Many women I work with are already here when they reach out to work with me.

My Invitation to You:

Take that time to slow down and stop, even it it’s 5 minutes over a cuppa or go for a walk. When something happens here’s my Feck it process to get you back to responding and not reacting.

10. We’re Always ON and Never Off

We’re always ON, our phones are constantly with us and we’re always looking to see who needs us. I’ve been a phone addict and spent so much time procrastinating looking at my phone. Searching for connection so much so I tuned out of the here and now into being at the mercy of the next message or Facebook notification.

My Invitation to You

Switch off an unplug, be with your family, be out in nature, be with you loved one. But the key word is BE just slow and breath it all in, in the moment and the here and now is all we truly have so savor every last feckin drop of it.

Oh and one more whilst we’re here as I’m now in flow on my soap box. BUT if you’re finding life hard and difficult and aren’t clear on what you want.

Start with what you DON”T want you know that stuff inside out. Your brain id wired for the negative so work with it, you’ll know what you don’t want from how you feel. In the end I saw that I didn’t want my gym business, I loved my clients and my team BUT I didn’t want the stress and worry, I wanted freedom and more focus on ME.

If you’re really struggling and need some help but don’t know where to start and feeling a little lost. You can book a FREE Breakthrough Call with Nic, worth £197 here.

30 minutes with Nic herself, to find out why things haven’t worked for you before and get clarity on what you’re goals are.