men try to fuck anything

when its kinky sex stuff like kenneth starr described in the oral office, i have no understanding of it i
can find any sense in, so instead of trying to use my imagination to conceive of things i know i don't
even want to know, i approach it from a purely statistical description, and the first thing that seems
entirely plausible is that humans, and other animals, too, have probably tried out fucking in any and
every possible and impossible way, just to see what happens, and then maybe there would be some surprise
nobody ever thought of, and some kind of twisted rationale or reason could take root from that so-called
surpise effect, like guys who asphyxiate themselves at the edge of orgasm, because if some oxygen
deprivation short circuit in the nervous system makes their brain feel like their genitals are exploding,
or whatever. i'm sure men have tried to fuck just about everything... phone books, loaves of bread,
baseball gloves, iron fillings and shattered windshield glass, goat livers, tiger balm ass crack silly
putty fishing lures, superglue ora-gel for dummies and hairlipped dipshit donut dipstickers, humping
crotch-rotted couch pillows soaked in habanero flavored monkey snot... all the way to michael jackson's
inner sphincter ass-teroid video game scab nodules. of course little boys and girls had to be high on the
earliest known lists of "people, places, and things i'd like to try and fuck someday". it makes one
shudder to even hear terms like duct tape-nology and psycho-sexual eye-socket isometrics, much less
really obvious loser ideas like fence hardware genital piercing and IED-IUD colonoscopy nachos, dripping
with freshly squeezed suicide cornholer's lotion, and festooned with a plethora of totally disgusting
kumquat come-squats, etc.