Friday, April 27, 2007

Rick Santorum Should Have to Raise Kittens

Welcome to "The Gods Are Bored," mourning the death of four kittens tonight.

It has been our practice for more than four years to take kittens from the animal shelter who are too young to be adopted, raise them, and take them back for adoption.

Last year we fostered five litters, including one charmer named Casey Jones who came to us 10 days old. We didn't lose a single cat.

This year we have had seven kittens from three different litters. Only two have survived.

Last Saturday we picked up four kittens who were just at the weaning age. Their mother was at the shelter, but every time the cat lady put them in the cage with the mother, the mother tried to kill them.

When we first brought them home they seemed fine, but they sickened. If you've never seen a slowly dying kitten, you must be Rick Santorum. Today my daughter The Heir and I carted four skeletal sufferers to the animal hospital to be euthanized.

Better that their mother had handled them. Right to life, indeed. Rick Santorum isn't fit to kiss my daughter's footprint in the pig stye.

I am so sorry, hon. I wish that I could promise you that there was a giant field of catnip in the sky, where they would frolic and wallow in big soft pillows and lap up sweetened condensed milk all the live-long day, but I can't. But that doesn't mean that we can't hope.

We've got a litter of 5 that made their first public appearance outdoors here at L'Hotel du Fucktards, as they are on the weaning end. I've been trying to capture that Queen O'The Sluts mama of theirs for FOUR MONTHS, and nothin' yet. Well, the one time that I *did* catch her, one of our resident crack whores distracted me, I dropped the trap (with the going-batshit cat inside) and she got away. And I've never gotten her ornery ass since.

Did manage to trap & neuter two this week, and found out that "Miss Sissy," an ostensibly-spayed female at The Myrtles plantation is actually "MISTER Sissy," a neutered male who now has a Brazilian-wax shaved area and a really shitty attitude, not to mention some very colorful souvenirs on my arms.

Tomorrow, I get to go out to the boonies to meet a woman who has 26 acres and 50 feral and semi-tame cats. I've done been kidnapped by the cat ladies and volunteered against my will!

Just know that you and yours do really really important, meaningful work and that the universe will reward you. Mostly with more kittens to foster, but most times, that is the reward in and of itself.

All my love to you & your family. It's been a HELLACIOUS week for cats, hasn't it? First Smudge, then Mentis Fugit's family cat, now this. Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are behind this somehow, 'cause they're the most evil motherfuckers in the universe, and only the truly evil could perpetrate such horrors upon the most intelligent, gorgeous critters on the planet.

No, Santorum didn't do it, we all know that he doesn't have the sense to pour piss out of a boot with the toe & heel cut out, and instructions printed on the sole! He's just here to slowly kill US with his overweening and seemingly superhuman stupidity.

Sorry about the kittens. They are really hard to bottle-raise depending on when you get them. My neice used to bring them home from the shelter and would have to set her clock to feed them at the proscribed intervals, wipe their little hinnies with a damp washcloth and all that. Sometimes they'd make it, sometimes not. I'm thinking of donating my spare goat milk to the shelter for rearing. It's really good for that.