I'm sorry for this long rant but I'm just so desperate. Sometimes the pain gets so bad in my lower back/groin, it makes me want to end it all. But I know I can't because my dad wouldn't be able to cope with another disaster. I don't know if it's just anxiety but sometimes I feel like I have a deadly disease like cancer, cause it really does feel like my body is giving up on me and I'm trapped here. I just don't get it. I see people who are 90 years old walking around, riding their bike without having any problems. And I'm only 23 years old and all I do is lay in bed most of the time because moving hurts.

Isn't there a way I could get a sign or information on what I should do from spirit guides in the afterlife?

I hate giving advice any more because my advice sounds so foolish... but the trick is to interact with it and learn about it, if you want some relief from something like this. And at first the only way you are going to know how to interact with it is to consciously will it to get worse. Then you watch what happens and learn as you go.

But that path is long and not for the faint of heart, you won't immediately get relief and on that path it may be hard to find any experience that others would value. Because of that you probably won't even want to be on it long enough to eke out the rewards. But still, it is a path that can be taken.

BTW it isn't a punishment in and of itself... in some sense it may be a blessing. You are getting a chance here to see something many others will never get. What makes it so punishing is the distance you are from other people and the kind of lives people are 'supposed' to live.