No pain. No disturbing thoughts of the past. No guilt from my recent actions.

Deep down, there is still a part of me that knows how screwed up I am. I don’t see a way out, not now. Tria’s gone, and the possibility of her forgiving me in my current state is exactly zero. I know I have to pull myself together, accept my responsibilities, and try to make amends, but I have no idea where to start.

No job. No apartment. I’m living on the streets with the other junkies. As little as I had to offer Tria before, I have nothing to give her now. The only way out is to come clean and tell Tria the truth about my past, but the idea of reliving the memories is so painful, I can’t think about it long enough to figure out a solution.

I’ve hit rock bottom, and I don’t even know which way is up any more.

Excerpt #1

I reached out and touched the edge of the pillow. It was insanely soft and warm. I stroked it, and images of Tria’s breasts crawled through my head, making me smile. I stroked my cock as I thought about her, but I couldn’t come.

I could hear a voice in the other room, but it didn’t concern me, so I didn’t move. Through heavy eyelids, I watched the piles of dirty laundry all over the floor. I found shapes of animals in the patterns, just like cloud pictures.

“The beans are gone.”

I rolled my head to the side and looked up at Krazy Katie’s face. I smiled and tried to say something, but my tongue wasn’t cooperating. I focused on her eyes as they stared down at me quizzically.

“Trains need an engineer,” Krazy Katie said.

“It’s okay,” I said. My tongue still felt weird, all numb and heavy. I twisted it around in my mouth, and it tickled my teeth. I blinked a couple of times before looking back at my neighbor. “I got the helm. I’m all good.”

Did trains have a helm, or was that just boats? I laughed.

Krazy Katie covered her eyes with one hand. I could see her chest rising and falling as she took long breaths. I started counting slowly in my head but quickly forgot the number.

“Left the station,” she said quietly. “No engineer. Kicked in the caboose. Nothing but tracks.”

She turned in slow motion, and I watched vapor trails of her dull blue T-shirt swirl around the room as she left. I heard the window slide shut and then silence.

“I’m all good,” I whispered.

There was no reply.

Even though my arms and legs were way too content to be bothered with moving, I shoved myself out of bed anyway. My rig was sitting on the kitchen table, all ready to go. I was still pretty high, but I could feel darkness closing in around me, and I didn’t want it.

I wanted warmth and happiness.

Plastic tube, arm slap, needle prick.

“Like a fucking pro.”

I lay my head on the table as the fluid sensations rippled through me. Tria didn’t matter. She’d forgive me in time. In fact, she was probably already over it. How could she not be?

“I’m good. Really, I am.”

I was never one to lie to myself, but it was getting easier all the time.

Excerpt #2

I watched Yolanda walk out of the cage. Apparently, I kept looking in her direction too long. I took a blow to the head before I realized the fight had started.

I stumbled back, shook my head, and regained my footing. I raised my fists up in front of my face, and danced lightly on my toes, waiting for his next move. We circled slowly, jabbing but not finding our marks. My head swam again.

I needed to put an end to this. I needed to get it over with so I could take my winnings and get more smack. I had come down too hard and too fast. I had to get straight again.

I rushed him, striking out with my right and then my left. I took an elbow to the face, and felt my neck snap back.

The next thing I knew, I was on my back, and the guy was straddling my chest. I registered my head being thrown from side to side with punches, but I couldn’t focus enough to get him off me. I jabbed at his sides, but it was ineffective.

With my head spinning, I slammed my hand against the ground three times.

“Woo hoo!” The challenger jumped off of me and started running around the small cage.

I could hear cheers, boos, and people screaming at me, but I couldn’t comprehend the words. I rolled over and pushed myself up before stumbling out of the cage.

“Jesus, Liam!” Back in the locker room, Yolanda fussed around the cut over my eye and my bloody lip as I tried to push her hands away and get my jeans back on. “What the hell is wrong with you tonight?”

“Just forget it!” I yelled. “I need to get going.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that? You got nothing waiting for you at home.”

I pulled my shoulders close together and bit down on the pad of my thumb. I didn’t remember telling Yolanda about Tria leaving, but apparently I had. I was afraid to open my mouth now. I tensed every muscle to keep myself from trembling. If Yolanda noticed, she’d figure out why.

If she figured it out, she’d stop me.

Is that such a bad thing?

Yes, most definitely.

I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t have Yolanda knowing what I was doing and dragging me somewhere to clean up. She would take back the cash she’d just given me, and I’d be royally fucked. I couldn’t let that happen.

“I gotta go,” I said again. I shouldered past her and out the door, ignoring her calls after me. I didn’t stop at the bar or acknowledge the fans around me as I left.

I took the cash I’d earned to Max and traded it for all the heroin I could get. I returned to my apartment and banged up.

Bliss.

Everything was perfect.

I started off really strugging with this series. I just could not get in to book one, Caged takedown. I struggled with it. So when I started book two, I was a little hesitant in reading it. While I liked the twist Shay threw in at the end of book one, I still wasn't all the way invested. Little by little in book two, I was invested and liked it more. By the end of book three, I really liked where she took our story, our characters, and how she wrapped it all up. I liked the growth in our characters, their struggles, and how they overcame them to find their happiness.

While this may not be my favorite Shay Savage book, it still ended on a good note. I gave the series 3 stars

Shay Savage lives in Cincinnati, Ohio with her family and a variety of household pets. She is an accomplished public speaker, and holds the rank of Distinguished Toastmaster from Toastmasters International. When not writing, she enjoys science fiction movies, masquerading as a zombie, is a HUGE Star Wars fan, and member of the 501st Legion of Stormtroopers. When the geek fun runs out, she also loves soccer in any and all forms - especially the Columbus Crew, Arsenal and Bayern Munich - and anxiously awaits the 2014 World Cup. Savage holds a degree in psychology, and she brings a lot of that knowledge into the characters within her stories.