Musick

Amusing musings by a music industry insider from the outside

Friday, June 13, 2003

Did you guys see this bullshit?!?

This pisses me off! Is this big news there in the States? Check it out...

Authorities seek "Michael Jackson Bandit" in series of bank robberiesThe Associated Press
Last Updated 6:35 p.m. PDT Tuesday, June 10, 2003
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Police and the FBI are hoping to catch the "Michael Jackson Bandit," preferably before his next performance.
The bandit, so nicknamed because he wore a single glove during at least one heist, is wanted in connection with 16 bank robberies in and around Los Angeles that date to October 2002. The most recent was a May 16 holdup at a Citibank branch in Los Angeles. Two robberies took place in suburban Montebello.

The number of heists he's managed to pull isn't unusual for a Los Angeles bank robber, said FBI spokeswoman Laura Bosley.
"This is a large amount, but we have had several serial bank robbers," Bosley said. "We have some that have 40 or 50 robberies."

The man, described as black, 5-feet-7 to 5-feet-10 inches tall, weighing 140 to 150 pounds, and 22 to 28 years old, favors baggy clothes and a baseball cap or other hat, according to the FBI. He has an earring in his left ear and a light mustache and goatee, authorities said.

He walks into banks with a handgun and presents a teller with a threatening note demanding large bills, then flees on foot. He sometimes becomes agitated during a robbery, authorities said, and has been known to clumsily drop his weapon on the way out of the bank.

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Anyone with information about the "Michael Jackson Bandit" is urged to contact the FBI at (310) 477-6565 or the Los Angeles Police Department's bank robbery detectives at (213) 485-0780.

If it was April, I would have thought this was a fucking joke so, to go along with the sentiment of the article, I present the 'Fill In the Blanks with your own Shamed Celeb, Disowned Family Memeber, or even better, a Politician'!

Authorities seek '(enter a name here) Bandit' in series of bank robberies
The Assholeciated Press
Last Updated 6:35 p.m. PDT Tuesday, June 10, 2003
LOS ANGELES (AP) - Pinkertons and the yesmen are hoping to catch the "(enter name here) Bandit,"
preferably before his next performance.
The bandit, so nicknamed because he had two assholes during at least one heist,
is wanted in connection with 16 bank robberies
in and around Los Angeles that date to October 2002.
The most recent was a May 16 holdup at a Citibank branch in Los Angeles.
Two robberies took place in suburban Montebello
The number of heists he's managed to pull isn't unusual for a Los Angeles bank robber,
said FBI spokeswoman Laura Bosley.
"This is a large amount, but we have had several serial bank robbers," Bosley said.
"We have some that have 40 or 50 robberies and we're proud of the fact."

The man, described as (enter an exaggerated colour here), 5-feet-7 to 5-feet-10 inches tall,
weighing 140 to 150 pounds, and 22 to 28 years old,
favors baggy clothes and a baseball cap or other hat,
according to a Big Beige Guy. He has an earring in his left ear and a light mustache and goatee,
and could be bisexual authorities said.

He walks into banks with a handgun and presents a teller with a threatening note
demanding large bills from utilities, credit cards, misc. items
then, with fleas on foot, he flees.
He sometimes becomes agitated during a robbery, authorities said,
because of a low bloodsugar level
and has been known to clumsily drop his weapon on the way out
of the bank like any typical (enter racial slur).

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Anyone with information about the "(enter a name here) Bandit" is urged
to contact the FBI at (310) 477-6565 or
the Lost Police Department's bank robbery detectives at (213) 485-0780.