Carter Barnett Sentence Revisions

Old:It wasn’t until 1890 when a man named Joseph William Foster began the commercialization of the idea of track spikes, improving on their design to better suit a runner and creating what began to look like the shape we see today (The Story of Reebok).

New: It wasn’t until 1890 when a man named Joseph William Foster began commercializing the idea of track spikes, improving on their design to better suit a runner and creating what began to look like the shape we see today (The Story of Reebok).

Is,it,this,that

Old: However these synthetic shoes are displaying the same characteristics because they have many different parts that have to be specially prepared, and it is largely supplying power to all of the machines needed to make the shoe that creates the emissions.

New:However these synthetic shoes are displaying the same characteristics because they have many parts which need to be specially prepared, and the generation of the power supply for the machines needed to make the shoes remains the largest source of the emissions produced.

Says or States:

Old: As one of the chief pages on their website says, “ Since we launched our Energy and Carbon program in 2008, Nike footwear contract manufacturers have cut energy use per unit in half, meaning today it takes about half the energy and emissions to make a pair of shoes compared to eight years ago.” (Nike).

New: As one of the chief pages on their website emphasizes, “ Since we launched our Energy and Carbon program in 2008, Nike footwear contract manufacturers have cut energy use per unit in half, meaning today it takes about half the energy and emissions to make a pair of shoes compared to eight years ago.” (Nike).