The "Terrible" Run

So, in two weeks, I'm supposed to be running a half-marathon. I had tried to run one last fall, but was sidelined with IT band syndrome from overdoing it. I came back a lot slower and (hopefully) a bit smarter, but I'm holding my breath lest something go wrong so close to my race.

Last week, my husband/running buddy/Man With The Golden Garmin wasn't feeling too well, so I went out to do our easy three-miler by myself. I figured I'd just run half an hour and that would be about right for where our easy pace is.

I set out at what seemed like a nice, slow pace, but I was just not feeling it. My legs felt tired and heavy, my breathing wasn't as easy as it should be, and while I was running tall and keeping good form, my body just wasn't doing what I wanted it to. I was feeling worried and discouraged -- what if I'm getting sick? What if this is the prologue to some new injury or ache that will keep me from finishing the half-marathon AGAIN? What if I can't even run three miles tonight, when I know I can run four or five times that distance? I tried to banish the negative mind-chatter and just finish my run, but it wasn't easy. My heart rate felt too high, my breathing was too heavy, and I just didn't feel that great. I decided that I would cut myself some slack, compromise, and stop running at 28 minutes.

When I mapped out my run the next day, to my shock, I discovered that my "easy three-miler" in 28 minutes was REALLY nearly 4 miles, because I had measured it wrong. I SMASHED my 26-minute 5K PR, probably by at least 4 minutes, in the course of what I thought was an "easy" training run, while being down on myself for having such a hard time on my easy run!

I'm going to try to stop making assumptions about my performance or capabilities -- I wonder how many times I could have done better in races, or in any other aspect of my life, if I hadn't held expectations about what I wasn't capable of. Although I compete in running races and triathlons all the time, I think of myself as an unathletic person because, until recently, I WAS an unathletic person. But something about knowing that it's in me to run three miles at nearly 7-minute-mile pace makes me think differently. It makes me think that I AM an athletic person even if my times aren't stellar, because I do athletic things.

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