questioning my relationship

I know that I am in love with my SO but now that the time has come to move onto marriage, I can't help but question the differences we have. Different religions, (he has no belief in god at all and that has caused much distance between us), standards, education, just complete different outlooks on things. Would you marry someone that you felt could potentially have a strenuous marriage with because you are in love and have a child? Should I follow my heart or my head? Just so lost and scared.

I know that I am in love with my SO but now that the time has come to move onto marriage, I can't help but question the differences we have. Different religions, (he has no belief in god at all and that has caused much distance between us), standards, education, just complete different outlooks on things. Would you marry someone that you felt could potentially have a strenuous marriage with because you are in love and have a child? Should I follow my heart or my head? Just so lost and scared.

How long have you been together? What is it about him you are so in love with? I am on my 2nd marriage (you are describing my first!) and we are virtually on the same page about everything - of course some things required much discussion and agreement making but fundamentally if you have big differences (faith, education, standards) it will not work in the long run - IMHO. Marriage is the ultimate partnership and in order for your team to thrive you both have to be working together synergistically. So NO I would not marry him. It's a heck of a lot harder and expensive to break up.

How long have you been together? What is it about him you are so in love with? I am on my 2nd marriage (you are describing my first!) and we are virtually on the same page about everything - of course some things required much discussion and agreement making but fundamentally if you have big differences (faith, education, standards) it will not work in the long run - IMHO. Marriage is the ultimate partnership and in order for your team to thrive you both have to be working together synergistically. So NO I would not marry him. It's a heck of a lot harder and expensive to break up.

We have been together going in four years. We always had a "fun" relationship because we were young and high school sweethearts. Things are different now that we have a daughter because I am more mature and have a mothers outlook. I want the best for her which means I need to be my best. I am just sad to think she won't have her mom and dad together and because I honestly love him and he is an amazing man. It's so hard.

We have been together going in four years. We always had a "fun" relationship because we were young and high school sweethearts. Things are different now that we have a daughter because I am more mature and have a mothers outlook. I want the best for her which means I need to be my best. I am just sad to think she won't have her mom and dad together and because I honestly love him and he is an amazing man. It's so hard.

Direct answer to your question "Would you marry someone that you could potentially have a strenuous marriage with because you're in love and have a child?" - YES! You love him, you say he's an amazing man, he's the father of your child, why would you throw him away and break your family up over a few differences in perspective? My husband and I have been together since we were 20 and we have both changed and grown together over the past 7 years. Marriage is work and compromise, we don't go through life looking to marry our clone. Unless there's some huge underlying problem that you haven't described in your posts, I think you can get through all the rest of it together.

Direct answer to your question "Would you marry someone that you could potentially have a strenuous marriage with because you're in love and have a child?" - YES! You love him, you say he's an amazing man, he's the father of your child, why would you throw him away and break your family up over a few differences in perspective? My husband and I have been together since we were 20 and we have both changed and grown together over the past 7 years. Marriage is work and compromise, we don't go through life looking to marry our clone. Unless there's some huge underlying problem that you haven't described in your posts, I think you can get through all the rest of it together.

I suggest you get into some serious counseling to get your future sorted out. It sounds like you are young? Until then, I absolutely would not get married. What kind of relationship do you two want to model for your daughter ? A healthy happy dynamic or one that is oppositional and stressful? You both will "teach" her (by your actions and interaction) as to how her family of origin is supposed to be. What kind of things does he say about you ? How ambitious and driven is he to create the best possible life for you? How functional and strong is your constructive communication and abilities to create agreements for your relationship and child? I think you mentioned a lack of God feelings or belief on his end? That would be a deal breaker for me. No God = empty life.

I suggest you get into some serious counseling to get your future sorted out. It sounds like you are young? Until then, I absolutely would not get married. What kind of relationship do you two want to model for your daughter ? A healthy happy dynamic or one that is oppositional and stressful? You both will "teach" her (by your actions and interaction) as to how her family of origin is supposed to be. What kind of things does he say about you ? How ambitious and driven is he to create the best possible life for you? How functional and strong is your constructive communication and abilities to create agreements for your relationship and child? I think you mentioned a lack of God feelings or belief on his end? That would be a deal breaker for me. No God = empty life.

You already have a child together. You can marry, you can divorce, but you will still have to deal with each other until your child is (at least) 18 years old.

You will have to discuss religions, standards, education, to co-parent your child... so if you love him, try your hardest, and go to counseling if needed. Someone from the outside can help mediate your differences.

Why has the time come to move onto marriage ?

You already have a child together. You can marry, you can divorce, but you will still have to deal with each other until your child is (at least) 18 years old.

You will have to discuss religions, standards, education, to co-parent your child... so if you love him, try your hardest, and go to counseling if needed. Someone from the outside can help mediate your differences.

We are 21 so to some it is young but we already have a child. The religion I would say is the biggest issue. I want my daughter to have faith and if he steps on that I would divorce him. He acts like he does not care if I raise her with religion but if she sees that he does not live to a certain standard that I believe in, then how can she believe in it herself? So many feelings ladies. :/

We are 21 so to some it is young but we already have a child. The religion I would say is the biggest issue. I want my daughter to have faith and if he steps on that I would divorce him. He acts like he does not care if I raise her with religion but if she sees that he does not live to a certain standard that I believe in, then how can she believe in it herself? So many feelings ladies. :/

I will say it again - do not get married with so many un resolved issues. 21 is way young and just because you are parents does not mean oh now we should do this...What are your expectations of a husband ? I ask this because settling for less will eventually lead to resentment. I can not believe the pantloads some women are dealing with on this site! Trust me, you don't want to get married only to get divorced in a few years because you didn't do some hardcore looking at the true compatibility of your relationship.

I will say it again - do not get married with so many un resolved issues. 21 is way young and just because you are parents does not mean oh now we should do this...What are your expectations of a husband ? I ask this because settling for less will eventually lead to resentment. I can not believe the pantloads some women are dealing with on this site! Trust me, you don't want to get married only to get divorced in a few years because you didn't do some hardcore looking at the true compatibility of your relationship.

Me and my SO are getting married next year. He has a career, not just a job. I am unemployed and looking at over 6 more years of college. He wants to go to church every week, when I would rather spend my Sundays doing other things. We are different, but if we did not have things in common or anything we like about each other, we would not be together in the first place.

Me and my SO are getting married next year. He has a career, not just a job. I am unemployed and looking at over 6 more years of college. He wants to go to church every week, when I would rather spend my Sundays doing other things. We are different, but if we did not have things in common or anything we like about each other, we would not be together in the first place.

I think deferences in a relationship is very healthy. Take me and my hubby. He's been to university and has a career, I never finished high school and I stay home with the kids. I'm religious and he is an unmoving atheist. He drinks, I don't, I've smoked, he never has. He's very antisocial and I'm outgoing and pretty social. But.... in six years of marriage (7 years together), 3 year old twins and a baby due any day now we have never had a fight. We talk, we compromise, and we get it done without being hurtful to each other. It doesn't matter how you differ from someone it matters how you love them and how you communicate with them. I say if you want to get married go for it and be happy in that choice. Don't let the little things stand in the way of your family.

I think deferences in a relationship is very healthy. Take me and my hubby. He's been to university and has a career, I never finished high school and I stay home with the kids. I'm religious and he is an unmoving atheist. He drinks, I don't, I've smoked, he never has. He's very antisocial and I'm outgoing and pretty social. But.... in six years of marriage (7 years together), 3 year old twins and a baby due any day now we have never had a fight. We talk, we compromise, and we get it done without being hurtful to each other. It doesn't matter how you differ from someone it matters how you love them and how you communicate with them. I say if you want to get married go for it and be happy in that choice. Don't let the little things stand in the way of your family.

There's no need to get married at 21. You're already committed to each other and raising a family. Personally I'd rather teach my daughter that everyone is unique and entitled to their own perspectives. I'd marry the person I love. Things won't always be easy but how boring would life be if it was?! You should compromise, learn and grow together...that's what love is IMO. I love my SO even tho we are extremely different; it keeps me on my toes and gives our children a lot of different ideas to learn from :)

There's no need to get married at 21. You're already committed to each other and raising a family. Personally I'd rather teach my daughter that everyone is unique and entitled to their own perspectives. I'd marry the person I love. Things won't always be easy but how boring would life be if it was?! You should compromise, learn and grow together...that's what love is IMO. I love my SO even tho we are extremely different; it keeps me on my toes and gives our children a lot of different ideas to learn from :)

Every person is unique in there very own way. My hubby is totally the opposite of me, but I love him and we respect each other. I would never leave him and same vice versa. If you love and respect him, and he does the same your child will see it and do the same, and then it doesn't matter I his opinion differs yours because you guys have respect for each other. I personally don't see why you got to rush and break up when you love this guy. I have a friend she is totally religious but to the extreme and her hubby is totally not. They have a family, there is respect and love there, she wants her kids religious and he is cool with it. Try the best you can!!!

Every person is unique in there very own way. My hubby is totally the opposite of me, but I love him and we respect each other. I would never leave him and same vice versa. If you love and respect him, and he does the same your child will see it and do the same, and then it doesn't matter I his opinion differs yours because you guys have respect for each other. I personally don't see why you got to rush and break up when you love this guy. I have a friend she is totally religious but to the extreme and her hubby is totally not. They have a family, there is respect and love there, she wants her kids religious and he is cool with it. Try the best you can!!!

About the faith part in your post. My husband was raised catholic and I was raised baptist. We are not super religious but I try to go to church on Sundays. If he is ok with you teaching her religion then go for it, when the time comes and she questions why her dad doesn't believe that gives you a chance to talk with her about other religions and that some people don't believe. It's not a bad thing. As long as you two can discuss how you are going to parent and teach her about things then there is no reason why you two can't get married. 21 is young, I got married at 21. My son was the ring barrier (sp?) at the wedding. I don't regret my wedding I love my husband, we do have our differences but that's why I love him and many other reasons. Get married because you want to and are in love with him. You don't have to rush down the aisle just because you have a child together. Good luck!

About the faith part in your post. My husband was raised catholic and I was raised baptist. We are not super religious but I try to go to church on Sundays. If he is ok with you teaching her religion then go for it, when the time comes and she questions why her dad doesn't believe that gives you a chance to talk with her about other religions and that some people don't believe. It's not a bad thing. As long as you two can discuss how you are going to parent and teach her about things then there is no reason why you two can't get married. 21 is young, I got married at 21. My son was the ring barrier (sp?) at the wedding. I don't regret my wedding I love my husband, we do have our differences but that's why I love him and many other reasons. Get married because you want to and are in love with him. You don't have to rush down the aisle just because you have a child together. Good luck!

My DH and I have different views on religion. I'm Catholic and he's not really anything. Although when we got married we found out that he's Lutheran. Anyway, I go to church. Always have. We agreed that because I have always been a part of my faith and he hasn't that our LO would be baptized catholic. Some compromises....we were married in my church but not a catholic ceremony. Which was great, I wasn't going to force him to convert and I was haut happy to be in my church. And our little one would be baptized and attend catholic grade school but we agreed that once LO is old enough for high school that she can decide whether to continue in catholic or public school. You can't force your religion on your SO but at the same time he should compromise and support that its important to you. Hope that helps!

My DH and I have different views on religion. I'm Catholic and he's not really anything. Although when we got married we found out that he's Lutheran. Anyway, I go to church. Always have. We agreed that because I have always been a part of my faith and he hasn't that our LO would be baptized catholic. Some compromises....we were married in my church but not a catholic ceremony. Which was great, I wasn't going to force him to convert and I was haut happy to be in my church. And our little one would be baptized and attend catholic grade school but we agreed that once LO is old enough for high school that she can decide whether to continue in catholic or public school. You can't force your religion on your SO but at the same time he should compromise and support that its important to you. Hope that helps!

You have a good relationship, why throw it away over philosophical concerns? It's better to be flexible and compromise. That is what marriage is about. If you can't compromise you aren't ready to get married. Period.

You have a good relationship, why throw it away over philosophical concerns? It's better to be flexible and compromise. That is what marriage is about. If you can't compromise you aren't ready to get married. Period.

I wouldn't worry too much my dh and I have been together for 6 years... He's a muslim and from Palestine where I am canadian and catholic... Honestly it makes for good discussions we enjoy learning the differences and we do not criticize. Neither or us a strict in our ways but we have our standards... I have my college background he never finished. I have a wonderful career. He has a good job. I'm a perfectionist... He's more like "it's good enough"... I'm a neat freak and he's messy... But he's always treated me like gold... He's the kindest, sweetest man I have ever met... He comes from a very different place than myself and we've learned to compromise. It seems difficult at first but once you get the hang of it you'd be glad you did it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wouldn't worry too much my dh and I have been together for 6 years... He's a muslim and from Palestine where I am canadian and catholic... Honestly it makes for good discussions we enjoy learning the differences and we do not criticize. Neither or us a strict in our ways but we have our standards... I have my college background he never finished. I have a wonderful career. He has a good job. I'm a perfectionist... He's more like "it's good enough"... I'm a neat freak and he's messy... But he's always treated me like gold... He's the kindest, sweetest man I have ever met... He comes from a very different place than myself and we've learned to compromise. It seems difficult at first but once you get the hang of it you'd be glad you did it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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