Tom Cruise Suffering "Unrelenting Headache"

Inside sources say that Tom Cruise is suffering a headache that "refuses to go away". Paranoid wife Katie reportedly asks Tom, "Is it me?" Mr. Cruise is requesting the Scientology Church let him take "just two aspirin", a request as often denied as it is asked, resources say.

Spoof Reporter Assaulted by Mcconaughey

A field reporter for The Spoof! was attacked by an angry Matthew Mcconaughey as he ripped the reporter's camera from his grip. The celebrity accused the writer of "authoring untrue stories" while the reporter insisted he was only trying to get a photo of "the real actor" behind him.

Misguiding GPS Leads to Death

A California business woman met her death following verbal instructions of a fouled GPS system. Headed to a Beverly Hills meeting, she was found killed in her rented Mercedes, located in a gang-ridden area of the city. The voice of the mechanism insisted, "You have arrived at your destination."

Obama Challenges McCain to Shoot-out

In honor of the recent Supreme Court decision that banning handguns is unconstitutional, Barack Obama calls on John McCain to a shoot-out. McCain has not replied however sources say he has looked into obtaining permits along Pennsylvania Avenue.

Pharmaceutical Ads Regulated

Medication ads are facing new governing. Since overdosing on even aspirin can be fatal, most disclaimers that list "headaches, dizziness, nausea..." as side affects will now include "...and of course death".

Penn State Inmates Go Green

A group of inmates in Pennsylvania have organized a prison-wide eco campaign. They call upon their fellow felons to effort such things as recycling toilet paper and flipping the switch, hours before lights out.