I Am Scared and can´t keep calm

I Am Scared and can´t keep calm

As a victim of sexual abuse my worst nightmare is that my child goes through the same and as we came to know the term ´´Narcissist´´ Now we have all the answers we have been so desperately looking for and we know they are the ones capable of doing those horrible Things to People. Once i moved out of our marital home that is where all the abuse is emerging and thinking to myself that i am totally crazy letting that happen to me and not ony me but my Son. I was so into myself and my Depression that i was fighting my own battle (God forbid) but i have no idea of all the fights my Son had to fight i feel sick to my stomach, ashamed and a useless parent please have mercy on me because i don´t even know if i will ever forgive myself for not protecting my child. This is the second week i am all bymyself and everything is clear as water in my head. for those who have children with them was there sexual abuse of your children and what are the signs. I call my Son and he is mad at me for me i know deep inside he knows am the only one who he can express himself freely and still be loved but everytime i call his father is Standing there beside him and we cannot have a free conversation. I have seen him twice in one week time and everytime we are hugging goodbye his father is Standing there beside us and we cannot hugg freely and it bothers me so much. My Son is Secretive, the Boy who was once filled with affection and silly Humors filled with life (oh how my Soul hurt) has somekind of Apathy and sadness. Is he a narcissist? had that Monster maybe abused my Son inapropiately? please Help! my blood is boiling right now