May 31, 2006

A BIG BIG LOVE

I interviewed "Big Bill" for Genre's last issue on Health and Fatness--I mean Fitness.

A Big Big Love

I first met “Big Bill” at WIgstock, as oversized drag queen Jennifer Snackwell. He delighted audiences by bouncing around the stage in a psychedelic mini mumu with his nuts swinging out gaily underneath, but, offstage, a fat queen receives a much chillier response, and is often at bottom of the gay cruising totem. We sat down over rolls with butter (High carb! High fat!) to “gut” some of the issues faced by a self-proclamed, fat fag.

BUNNY: It strikes me as odd that the gay movement asks straights for tolerance, yet we are so intolerant of physical attributes that vary from the “himbo,” white, muscle god image. Why do gays have such an intense dislike of heavy people?

BILL: (Sarcastically) Uh, maybe self-loathing? The key is diversity. It takes different people of all shapes, sizes and colors to turn different people on and I'm a big man.

BUNNY: After working with a bunch of gorgeous strippers recently, I realized that these guys were so physically desirable that they didn't need to bother developing any people skills, and were mostly selfish, stuck-up assholes. (In other words, they wouldn’t let me blow them.) But for people who do think outside the stereotypical box, is there a certain type of person who is attracted to bigger people?

BILL: Yeah, there is a type—there is a non-type. For the people I let into my life, I qualify no image. I'll take anyone in my bed. As long as they take me out to dinner first! Or afterwards.

BUNNY: Amen, sister! As long as they have food. Is there a preconceived notion about what sexual role heavier people will play?

BILL: Many people expect me to be a bottom, but it's the complete opposite. I'm a top.

BUNNY: They' d better have strong backs! I have a theory about why people expect heavy-set guys to be bottoms. The gym culture is all about striving for this hyper-masculine, chiseled, not-found-in nature physique…

BILL: A lot of them are big bottoms, Bunny.

BUNNY: Not to mention they often have no dick and shriveled up nuts! There’s this idea that many guys feel inferior because they're bottoms, so they need to bulk up in the gym to overcompensate for the fact that they throw their legs up at night to get plunged. Senselessly, gays look down on bottoms, too!

BILL: A lot of times, you notice that muscle gods are looking for someone more masculine than they are to screw them. All that masculinity just folds right up when they're gettin' it in the ass.

BUNNY: Do you think that bigger people are considered bottoms because their softness hints at an ineffectual and therefore passive male?

BILL: A lot of times when I'm having sex, men will grab my fat. They wanna touch it and feel it. And I'm like, “OK, you're a chubby-chaser”, but that's alright because I'm fucking them. Do what you want, because I get to get what I want, too.

BUNNY: You pig!

BILL: But you really hit on something with the idea of this overcompensation. Some gays are so controlling and self-absorbed with their weight that in bed, they want to feel the complete opposite, which is fat. They’re being so obsessive about their own image that they feed on their obsessiveness by grabbing my gut. It's like aversion therapy. Their brain is telling them to constantly monitor their appearance and then in bed, their brain rebels and tells them to grab what they spend their lives avoiding--a big gut. People look at me in either two ways: either disgusted or they're a little frightened. I'm a big man. 6 feet and kind of wide.

BUNNY: When they are disgusted, how does that manifest itself? You summer in Provincetown, which for those of you who don't know, is a very white, muscular and wealthy.

BILL: Well, I struggle there for a lot of attention from gay men. Why should they go with some big fat guy when there is so much eye candy? But I kind of like being there because I'm different.

BUNNY: What would you say to someone who questions your ability to be healthy and so large? Doesn't carrying a lot of weight stress the heart and have other health problems associated with it?

BILL: I manage my blood pressure. My cholesterol is ok. I work out a lot and a stress test has proved that my heart is ok. If anything, it's my joints that might be a problem. But that happens to everyone with age.

BUNNY: You don't have to tell "Lady Bunion".

BILL: I'm still working towards a goal and that's to stave off death. We all have to enjoy our journey and age gracefully. The best revenge is living well, and those gym queens who are suffering are depriving themselves the pleasure of the journey. Would you like one of my rolls?

May 30, 2006

DO IT AND PASS IT ON!

Dear Friend,

During the week of June 5th, Bill Frist, in an attempt to appeaseextreme right wing elements of the Republican Party, has promised thatthe Senate will vote on the Federal Marriage Amendment and attempt towrite discrimination into the Constitution for the first time in 230years.

Join me in telling Senator Frist, "The Senate should be working on realissues - not writing discrimination into the Constitution" by visiting:

ELVIS!

CNN ON BATON BOB

It must be Atlanta drag day. CNN Headline News did a whole segment on the gender-fuck twirler from Atlanta! I just met it in Atlanta and it's a true sweetheart an what a breath of fruity fresh air in stiff, corporate Midtown A-Town. The video is a little hard to find. You go to this link for CNNVIDEO and then hit the OFFBEAT category, which will take you to "Baton Bob gives life a twirl."

Here is the direct link (Thanks to Jordy of VirtualMatter.com who often comes to my aid in computer matters!)

YOU'RE A GOOD WO-MAN, CHARLIE BROWN

Atlanta drag legend closing up shop at underground Atlanta! This after Charlie's legendary cabaret bit the dust along with it's host bar Backstreet. Every southern fag knows this drag empress. Yankees may remember Charlie from HBO's DRAGTIME. She is a hoot! And always billed as "Mr." Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown took the stage at Charlie Brown’s Cabaret in Underground Atlanta on Sunday night, just as he has so many times over the past 16 months, set to read the crowd with his cutting humor, then win them over with the ladylike charm that has made him a legendary female impersonator for more than two decades.

But the line that drew the most shocked gawks was when Brown announced from the stage that the club bearing his name closes after a final show June 4.

BOTOX AWAY THE BLUES?

From Newsweek:

Smooth the brow, brighten the eye ..." the pioneering psychologist William James wrote in 1890, describing a self-help technique for overcoming depression, "and your heart must be frigid indeed if it does not gradually thaw." In James's lifetime there was no easy way to follow this advice because Botox hadn't been invented. But today, smoothing the brow by paralyzing the corrugator supercilii muscles is the work of minutes—or so reasoned Eric Finzi, a dermatologist in Chevy Chase, Md. A few years ago Finzi got the idea of injecting botulinum toxin A—the compound marketed as Botox—into the foreheads of patients suffering major clinical depression. According to a paper published last week in the journal Dermatologic Surgery, it helped in nine out of 10 cases—nearly twice the success rate claimed for antidepressants.

PATTY FROM MYSPACE

Check out this twisted profile on myspace. Hurry. Something tells me they're going to take it down soon. Singer Pepper Mashay said that myspace removed her profile for posting a few anti-Bush political bulletins. And she's a grandmother who is not exactly abusive or foul-mouthed. Just angry.

May 24, 2006

THANKS FOR THE GREAT PARTY

YOGA MADE FUN!

May 22, 2006

THE DEVIL'S DAUGHTER

Eeeeew! Check out Dick Cheney's hell-spawn hawking her book on Letterman: CROOKSANDLIARS

It's mind-bogglingly enfuriating that a grumpy old straight entertainment talk show host is advocating gay rights and this soulless bullagger isn't. He even asks her why she's stating her position now when she wants to sell a book rather than during the election campaign, when bringing up gay issues might have made a difference. She's as repulsive as her dad. I hope he takes her hunting soon.

WASHPO article on Mary's book PR. God I'd like to style her. Wouldn't she look fab in feathers....and tar?

NEW YORK -- "Are the eyes too much?"

Mary Cheney is peering into the makeup artist's mirror in the early hours of the morning, getting "done" for her appearance on "Good Morning America" with Diane Sawyer. Taped to the mirror is the list of today's guest stars. The name Nick Lachey -- aka the soon-to-be-ex-Mr. Jessica Simpson -- she recognizes. Totally clueless on actress Emmy Rossum. Needs some prompting on Josh Lucas ("Sweet Home Alabama"? Hottie who ends up with Reese Witherspoon?).

Let's say she's a little bit out of her element. Mary Cheney, daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, had made it her business to fly under the radar. She's a pro at shunning the limelight. As the openly gay daughter of a man running for office in a party opposed to gay marriage, she took the hits and let them slide off her as if she were coated with Teflon. Kind of like daddy.

Alan Keyes refers to her as a "selfish hedonist"? No response. Gay-rights activists lampoon her by putting her face on a milk carton ("Have you seen me?")? No response. Her sexual orientation becomes fodder for a presidential debate? No response.

Protesters show up in her hideout home town of Conifer, Colo., and plant a "Bride of Satan" sign outside her house? Nope, not a word.

Until now, that is. Cheney's self-written story of life as a political daughter, campaign strategist and happily partnered gay woman is out this week, with a carefully planned media campaign surrounding its release.

JASON MECIER

Just look at these stunning portraits by Jason Mecier, a myspace buddy. More great pics of his work at MYSPACE.COM including Tammy Faye Baker, Sissy Spacek, and PHYLLIS FUCKING DILLER! I think they're brilliant!

SHADY HAIRCUT

May 21, 2006

STELLA AWARDS

It's time once again to review the winners of the Annual Stella Awards."

The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck of New Mexico who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's. That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year's winners:

7th Place: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running around inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

6th Place: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

5th Place: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

5th Place Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place: T his year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.

IF YOU THOUGHT BJORK'S BIRD DRESS WAS NUTS...

May 20, 2006

GO 'FIGER!

Did you see this insane story about Tommy Hilfiger attacking Axl Rose at Plumm, a new club around the corner from my apartment? There goes the neighborhood! I don't like The Post's politics and there has been a recent scandal about their gossip-brokering techniques, but I'll be damned if I didn't enjoy reading this story. Can you imagine if Axl presses charges against the all-American designer?

PRICELESS

FILTHY GORGEOUS TRANNYSHACK

Filthy Gorgeous: The Trannyshack Story In The Flesh and On The ScreenOne Night Only – June 8th 2006 The Slipper Room (167 Orchard St. @ Stanton) AMC Loews 34th St Theater 13

Once upon a time in a land, far, far away, the legendary Trannyshack was born. Now, after ten years of packed nights at the infamous Stud Bar, international notoriety and talk shows galore, San Francisco’s one-and-only Trannyshack will hit New York in the flesh and on the screen. Filthy Gorgeous: The Trannyshack Story plays Thursday June 8th at 10:15 at AMC Loews 34th St Theater 13 as part of NewFest 2006. In conjunction with the New York Premiere. Trannyshack the club will relocate to The Slipper Room (167 Orchard St. @ Stanton) for a one-night-only star studded extravaganza.

Conceived by drag queen Heklina a decade ago as a way to honor friends lost to AIDS, Trannyshack has become an institution for its city and a fertile testing ground of creativity where performers combat tired old ideas of drag with outrageous acts of art. After so many fantastic years in San Francisco, it is only natural to want to spread the love…among other things! Trannyshack has hosted packed houses in Los Angeles, London, Reno Nevada and now New York!

In The Flesh: Join Trannyshack creator Heklina and co-host D’Arcy Drollinger as they usher in the glamour and the depravity. Performances by Trannyshack veterans as well as local faves include: Ana Matronic, Sherry Vine, Electro the Pop & Lock King, Faux Pas, Renttecca, Miss Trannyshack 2005 Coco Canal, Tai Chi, Christy Love and of course Heklina and D’Arcy. With Special guest DJ Seth.On The Screen: Filthy Gorgeous: The Trannyshack Story, Directed by Sean Mullens. Produced by Deena Davenport is a portrait of a place and a high-concept – The film recounts the history of Trannyshack, with performances from fabled theme nights such as the delirious “Cracked Out Divas,” and “Weapons of Ass Destruction,” not to mention the horror show “Serial Killer Night.” Scores of performers past and present, including Justin Bond from Kiki & Herb and Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters, comment on their experiences there, and tons of shocking clips give us all a taste of this unique drag haven (87 min).The Club: Thursday June 8th at The Slipper Room 167 Orchard St. – Doors at 10PM – Show at 12:30 - $7The Film: Thursday June 8th at AMC Loews 34th St Theater 13 @ 8th Ave. 10:15 - $12www.trannyshack.com – www.slipperroom.com - www.newfest.org

THE THREEPENNY OPERA

MICHAEL LUCAS AND ALAN CUMMING CELEBRATING BACKSTAGE AFTER A PERFORMANCE OF THE THREEPENNY OPERA

Despite poor reviews, I have a few friends in the show so I went last night with Michael Lucas, who was kind enough to get tickets for us. The bad reviews certainly didn't put a damper on the attendance, which seemed to be sold out on a rainy Thursday night. Of course I was excited to see my drag sisters Edie, Flotilla Debarge and Hattie Hathaway on Broadway, but nothing could have prepared me for the appearance in the audience of one of my favorite all-time divas, ANGELA LANSBURY! (I know the photos crap, but she's in it and I love her!)

I had to gush, "I have your MURDER SHE WROTE cook book!" and she jollily shot back "Don't try any of those recipes!" What a joy to meet her. If you're young and only saw her in MURDER SHE WROTE, rent her in the original THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE, an all-time favorite of mine, even though I hate Sinatra. Angela had presented Alan Cumming with an Olivia award in London years ago, Alan told us in his dressing room later. Alan is a true sweetheart and I don't want to diss the play or his adaption of it. My problem is that I probably would not have appreciated the original. Let me put it this way: I'm a lot more familiar with Breck than Brecht. I'm not a big musical fan, and this one is a little too artsy for my taste. Oddly, the two times a cast member urged the audience to sing along with the chorus, I, like the rest of the crowd couldn't remember either hook. These dissonant Kurt Weill songs are really complex in arrangement.

Of course, with Madonna's ex, Carlos Leon's family jewels (Good Lourdes!) bulging out of grape-colored latex hot-pants, it was a little hard to concentrate!

CARLOS IN HIS DRESSING ROOM--TOO BAD I DIDN'T CATCH HIM CHANGING!

This version basically seeks to update the classic by usng fetish-y club kiddy looks with a hint of ye olde thrown in. In other words, the (Isaac Mizrahi) costumes looked like they'd been grabbed on a tour through Jackie 60's creators Johnny Dynell and Chi Chi Valente's closet! Alan explained that the same things aren't shocking today as when THREEPENNY was originally performed, so Wallace Shawn's new translation threw in many references to pussy, fuck and other curse words. Naughty (if weird) choreography upped the outrageous ante, with a gay kiss and the character of Lucy played by Brian Charles Rooney in drag with a fantasticly fishy operatic belt.

BRIAN CHARLES ROONEY, WHO DRAGS UP FOR THE ROLE OF LUCY BROWN AND SINGS THE HOUSE DOWN

I was pleasantly surprised by the singing voices of Alan, SNL's ANA Gasteyer and of course diva Cyndi Lauper could sell any tune. She does a beautiful job with the haunting SOLOMON SONG. And she's wearing a fab frizzy wig with roots. Ana wears an impressive french twist bouffant as well, and who should I catch in the hallway but wig mistress Stephen Perfidia, who left the famous Patricia Field wig counter for Broadway years ago.

PERFIDIA WITH THREE PENNY'S WIGS: YOU KNOW THAT OLD DRAG QUEEN TRIES THEM ON WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING!

G-STRINGS NOT FOR EVERYBODY

US PORTS SAFETY SHOCKER!

NEW EVIDENCE THAT US PORTS ARE STILL UNSAFE

The Dubai Ports Deal was roundly rejected since it was percieved that a transfer of power to the United Arab Emirates might leave us vulnerable to seaside terrorist attacks. True or not, the appearance of a shady-looking veiled muslim character, rumored to be a man, was seen lurking around the vicinity of NYC's South Street Seaport on Monday. The outrageous figure didn't even raise an eyebrow from Bridgewaters' security as "it" entered a glitzy, celebrity-filled benefit for Village Care NY, a grass roots AIDS assistance program. Why, I could have been a drug smuggler, illegal immigrant, exposive packer, or packing a pocketbook full of anthrax! In that disguise, I could even have been..............................................................................

OSAMA "BUN" LADEN!

OK, OK, so it was me! I'll be sporting this veil for quite a while since when I get electrolysis, I'm unable to wear make-up from the nose on down and this veil is a perfect concealer. Everyone seems to love it and I'm getting the creepy notion that the more I cover up, the better I look! (Any of my many Afghanistani (sp?) readers out there have an emailable burqa pattern?) Plus, those cab-drivers just love that I'm tipping my hat to their culture! And cabbies ain't all. I was stunned when I heard a "Yo ma!" emanating from a voice behind me as I scurried to work, late as usual. Behind me was a 20-year old papi in a light blue and white track suit with blinged-out earrings who wanted to "have" this mystery lady!! (You're all like "Bunny, you of all people don't need a fucking veil to mystify us!") If only he could have caught a glimpse of what was underneath that veil! I'm not sue the redness, swelling and scabs would have get his interest "up." Since continued electrolysis has prevented me from seeing Freddie, I may have to take a friend's recommendation and cut a hole in the "glory-veil" before he loses interest!

Just to put an end to any pesky rumors:

I am not using this veil to conceal plastic surgery wounds. Trust me, you'll soon see me without the veil and I won't look any better!

I am not using the veil to cover up herpes sores or syphillis chancres. I've had these for years--why would I suddenly need to conccoct a veiled ensemble to hide them?

Monday, I had a jam-packed schedule. A trick at 8:30AM, then jury duty, then 3 hours of electrolysis beard-burning with the requisite double dose of valium and xanax to knock me out, and then jumped into springtime muslim drag for a dj gig at the annual Tulips and Pansies Headdress Ball to benefit an AIDS organization called Village Care.

Thankfully, my drag sister Jesse Volt of Lips fame was on hand to entertain me. She'd been hired to impersonate Joan Rivers at the entrance, complete with a dummy mike, and to aggravate attendees with "Who are you wearing"-type questions. I didn't see her in action but the whore has a big mouth and I'm sure she was a hoot. Jesse also impersonates Cher. She's done both Cher and Joan for years--can you imagine how expensive that must be to keep up with their respective surgeries? From the looks of this pic, Jesse obviously economizes for her own surgeries by buying cheap wigs!

JESSE VOLT AS JOAN RIVERS OUTSIDE THE FULTON STREET FISH MARKET (An evil queen might make some "There's a troll under that bridge!", but this is a classy site, as you know.)

Thought I'd include a glamor shot of Jesse without the Joan glasses, as well. I know this pix a little blurry, but at Jesse's and my age blurry's a good thing!

Jesse takes his impersonations seriously, and in addition to the clothing and wigs he must buy for each character, he's had to have keep up with Joan and Cher in the cosmetic surgery department as well! I met Cher at a Kevyn Aucoin make-up line launch several years ago and I knew that Kevyn done her make-up for the festivities. I was all prepared to run up to her, study her face for a sec and suggest "You really should have Kevyn do your make-up sometime", just to read them both in a friendly way. But as soon as she saw me, her eyes lit up and the goddess enthused "I saw you on HBO's DRAG TIME!", seeming very excited to meet me. She thrust her hand out for me to shake it and I was so stunned that I was only able to remove one of her rings. I know she's gone overboard on the surgery in most people's eyes and many cling to her Sonny and Cher-period beak and crooked teeth period, but I must say, she looked radiant up close.

JOAN RIVERS WITHOUT MAKE-UP

Ms. Rivers has had some procedures which give her a "Joan from the Black Lagoon" effect. It's an amphibian look quite common with sex changes who chop their noses down so far that their brow ridges appears more prominent next to a button nose, with pooched-out trout pout to complete the resemblance. But I have to say, that though Joan looks unnatural and totally surgerized, she DOES look prettier! I remember seeing those RABBIT TEST publicity pix and thinking "This gal is a real dog." Her hair during RABBIT TEST was also a crazily high-lighted, badly damaged fried frizz. After the 1978 flick bombed, I think she must've said "Bring on the fags to start doing my hair and styling me", cuz she looked great during her 80's talk show. She's no longer a dog, she's an attractive amphibian freak. And at least she jokes about her surgery, ya know. Not only was that hilarious commercial recently where Joan's unmistakeable voice came out of an old woman's body hawking I don't recall what, but I once co-hosted a Barney's benefit with her where she literally walked with a floppy-brimmed hat covering her freshly-lasered mug AND NO MAKE-UP. She was hilarious and usual and even got in a jew/nazi joke about the cosmetic procedure. "Oh! It hurts like hell! My doctor--I think he's a German!"

But back to the benefit! I don't normally recognize socialites, but a few downtown types fell through:

MOTHER FLAWLESS SABRINA AND TWO CO-WHORE-TS

THE TRES CHIC UNIDENTIFIED PIANIST FROM THE PINK CHAMPAGNE ORCHESTRA. SHE LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE PALOMA PICASSO, YES?

SOME BEDAZZLED, BEGUZZLED ROYALTY FROM THE IMPERIAL COURT OF NEW YORK

AND THE COURT'S EMPRESS OF LAST YEAR, ROBIN KRADLES

Though you rarely spot one in a club, these imperial gals often attend higher end charity functions that I've dj'ed for, like BOATHOUSE ROCKS and such. I guess they feel at home at ritzy affairs with live bands, crystal glasses and gourmet h'odeuvres. Trash like me has given up on finding a rich husband and prefers to ogle the help, like this intoxicating morsel, who came complete with free booze!

AND CHECK OUT THIS TEMPTING PIECE OF MEAT! NO! THE ONE ON THE RIGHT! SLURP! SLOBBER! SLOBBER!

I popped backstage before my dj duties began to find the dressing room abuzz with last minute preparations, including the finishing touches being placed on this show-stopping rosy oversized cowboy hat.

I think flowers are a common if not required theme to the headdresses, so we saw all kinds of effects from the enormous gravity-defying seven-foot headdress worn by Flawless (she was mock-staggering as if struggling to maintain her balance) to this next creation. I'm sorry, maybe this guy, who was very pleasant, enjoys showing off his hot body and cute smile at every opportunity, and if he's showin' 'em, then he's happy.

But how would you feel if you were an aspiring model, hoping to be noticed by the right power-broker, and you arrived to find that what you were to be wearing down the runway was a mess of curling twigs with a McDonalds' hamburger box woven in? Don't get me wrong. That's the vision of a designer who took their time to donate their design to a very worthy cause. Maybe the McDonald's part was just too high concept for a country girl like me to appreciate.

More successful was this stunning oversized brimmed affair trimmed with fresh flowers and chic matching suit.

YOUR HOSTS

The proceedings were emceed by the above EXTRA's bubbly Tanika Ray, shown here with the warm head of operations at Village Care, Celebrity judges inclued a soap star and a fashion columnist who watched dazzling creations from Bill Blass, Marc Jacobs, Heatherette and Kenneth Cole. But what really stole the show was a black orthodox monk with AIDS, who'd been a recipient of Village Care's services. Tears rolled into his beard as he told the crowd the heartbreaking tales of his illness and of his battle to reconcile his homopobia (he was straight) with the church and his desire to help others with AIDS, even those who were gay and who he'd previously denounced. Standing in font of a crowd of fancy folk and describing how as an AIDS victim, Village Care personnel sat there with him as he was, in his words, "shitting himself", took our minds off the colorful creations on the runway and back to the sobering real reason we were all assembled there. Scat porn! Seriously, you gotta tip your hats to these socialites who attend AIDS benefits. It's that old noblesse oblige thang. The government sure as hell ain't takin' care of the AIDS victims (do I hear Katrina victims either?) and has slashed the budgets of prevention and care programs nationwide. So somebody has to look out for them. Moved by the spirit of togetherness and the noble notion that we all must pitch in to fight this battle for the sick and down-trodden, in an unscheduled moment, I myself leapt to the stage for an impromptu modelling session.

You may notice from the abundance of empty seats that my "runway" made the guest run away. But it's the thought that counts, right? I was just eager to help, and since I've noticed on their website that they offer mental health services, I may well be strengthening my ties with this organization in the future. VCNY.ORG

May 18, 2006

MEET THE NEW TWIGGY!

HOLLY DOES MIAMI

Holly hooked up with South Beach's reigning drag diva Elaine Lancaster at a film festiva in Miami, where Holly was born. I keep hearing reports that Holly is ailing, but she looks fantastic here! Thanks, in part, to hairdresser and make-up artiste to the pageant stars and all around cuban mess, Miss Derbis! Thister! And thanks, in part, to Elaine's airbrushing skills, which she likes to refer to as "kissing" a photo.

May 16, 2006

5 FACTS ABOUT OIL

1. Record-high prices paid by consumers have fueled the $342.4 billion in profits enjoyed by the major oil companies since Bush has been president.

2. We'll never be able to produce our way to lower prices, because America is already the third-largest producer of oil in the world. The United States produces more oil every day than Iran, Kuwait and Qatar combined. The problem is that we consume more oil than any other country; every day, we use one of every four barrels of oil consumed in the world.

3. On average, it costs a company like ExxonMobil about $20 to extract a barrel of oil in Nigeria, Alaska or elsewhere. The company then sells it to American consumers for $70 a barrel.

4. A new income tax on these windfall profits could be dedicated to funding clean energy fuels, renewable energy, energy efficiency and increased investment in mass transit.

5. Strengthening fuel economy standards will make news cars more efficient, allowing them to use less gasoline. Improving fuel economy standards to 40 miles per gallon over the next decade will reduce our oil consumption by one-third.

Ready to take action? Demand to know why energy costs are so high. GO TO: ACTION.CITZEN.ORG

THOSE ZANY HAMBURGERS!

A GANG of anarchist Robin Hood-style thieves, who dress as superheroes and steal expensive food from exclusive restaurants and delicatessens to give to the poor, are being hunted by police in the German city of Hamburg.

The gang members seemingly take delight in injecting humour into their raids, which rely on sheer numbers and the confusion caused by their presence. After they plundered Kobe beef fillets, champagne and smoked salmon from a gourmet store on the exclusive Elbastrasse, they presented the cashier with a bouquet of flowers before making their getaway.

The latest robbery is part of a pattern over the past several months, suggesting that the thieves deliberately set out to highlight what they perceive as the inequality inherent in German society.