I hate Valentine's Day. Not the holiday — that's okay. I mean the movie by that purveyor of grotesque sentiment and smarmy comedy, Garry Marshall.

Why? Because it's full of characters who say things like "I hate Valentine's Day," and right away you know they're going to learn a lesson. Like the go-getter sportscaster (Jamie Foxx) and the lonely workaholic agent (Jessica Biel). Do you think they'll find each other? Who knows — love's a mystery.

But these folks don't all hate Valentine's Day — they just don't understand it. Like Ashton Kutcher's florist (how apt!), who's engaged to a career woman, and his best friend (Jennifer Garner), who's smitten with a heart doctor (the irony!). Could they be looking for love in the wrong places? Didn't any of them see He's Just Not That into You? If you love somebody, one lesson goes, you love every part of that person, not just the parts you like. I didn't like any part of this movie. I hate Valentine's Day.

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