The Bloggess is So Cool, Don't Touch, Don't Even Look Her Way!

For two solid weeks I have been reading and rereading Jenny Lawson's The Bloggess blog. It's a little bit like living in a blurry fantasyland at first, then you're woozy and then there's clarity. The first time I discovered this blog and read a couple of her posts, I thought OMG....WTF, but realized she's one of those kind of people where everything she says and does is COOL. And all her readers who comment ( now there are 100's for every post!) also have an element of cool. I have had several really clever comments to add, but I didn't type a thing because I was a little intimidated. Even writing this post, I am a little afraid that if she ever read it, she would be saying, "no Beth, that's not what I was thinking/saying at all". Remember in the movie, Spinal Tap, where they go to the guitar store and the salesman won't let them touch or even look at that one fantastic guitar? Well that's how I feel a little bit with this site. Only, don't go anywhere. Because her insightful posts are probably exactly what you probably need right now!

Jenny writes for the Houston Chronicle with this Good Mom/Bad Mom article (no, she's the good Mom and her good friend Mindy is the bad Mom). She wanted to add more colorful language and is very interested in all things about the vagina, so she needed a place to post where these areas could be explored (literally?!) more freely. Before this article, she had a mommy blog.

Apparently, Jenny has anxiety/panic attacks and takes medication to help her get through this life and perhaps this may explain why her posts can be off-the-chart funny. She often pokes fun of herself. She was a hit at last year's Blogher Conference when she wore her "confidence wig" for her Keynote Speech. And she wrote, "Oh and my anxiety disorder kicked in so I had to wear my “confidence wig” and I think everyone kept thinking there was a reason I was wearing it, and were waiting for me to do a Britney Spears interpretation or something but no, actually I’m just a weirdo and it turns out that most people don’t even own a confidence wig". (Jenny, I have two confidence wigs, one's curly, one's straight!).

Another favorite story involves taking her meds and what happens one day: "I was just in the office bathroom I saw this folded scrap of toilet paper on the floor and it looked like a perfect little man’s leg. Like the pant, knee, shoe…the works. And I was like…”Is it possible that someone made this little origami man leg out of toilet paper and left it here for me to discover?” And then I thought, “No. Probably not.” And that’s how I figured out that my medication was working."

Favorite Posts:

There is a whole post about these crazy, Lego plastic toys she received. It's hysterical where she takes the story (August 28, 08). You will be laughing so hard right up to the end when she writes, "Lego sent me this to celebrate their new line or anniversary or something and I honestly have no idea what the hell to say here except that this pretty much sums up my entire life. Other bloggers get invited to go on CNN or get free furniture. I get an angry transvestite army".

Many of her posts have a picture that she somehow handwrites her own comments and statements all over the picture. I have no idea how to do that, but they are alwasy great fun. One example of this is connected to one of my favorite posts and ongoing storylines...that of the mysterious tiny sasquatch sightings (click below after seeing two other examples).

She parties with other bloggers and tells us all about these fun-filled affairs. "It was one of those parties where you’re horrified to hear yourself confessing to strangers about that bustier you once stole from that dead whore, but instead of backing away slowly they’re all ”Well, who hasn’t stolen lingerie from dead prostitutes?”

One of the coolest things she's been doing for about a year or so now, is she selects one or two of the best comments of the day and places them at the end of her post. She has so many good ones, I am sure that it's hard to select just one! My favorite one isn't because of it's cleverness, but rather sums up Jenny and everyone's love affair with her writing and her blog:

Follow-up comment of the day: You know, dear Bloggess, the comments on your site remind me of a song by The Wreckers:

Only crazy people

Fall in love with me.

They come from all over

To be with me… ~Just A. Reader

In her own words, she defines her writing/blog like this: And maybe that’s the meaning of art; that the ideas and emotions evoked by the piece are so much more meaningful the piece itself. I’d like to think that this blog is like that.

Jenny is a great blogger for many reasons. First, she is a unique individual and her stories reflect her unique personality. Two, people are looking for an escape these days from the mundane and the regular, two things you will NEVER find on this blog. It really doesn't matter whether she's is writing about Ninjas, her husband Victor, about being falling-down drunk, cutting her cats toes off, bathing suit styles or blog ratings, you'll find for at least a few moments of your day, you are in a complete and happy place. Thanks, Jenny.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

100th Post and Being Thankful for the Important Things in Life

This is my 100th post (when you count all six pages that are together here at emtnester) and it couldn't come at a more appropriate day for an empty nest Mom!

This is the Thanksgiving break from school and we are lucky enough to have both of my college kids home for the holidays as well as Andy has the day off from his job at Ernest and Young. And I cannot get the smile off my face.

It all started last evening. To get home, my daughter took the City Bus to Harrisburg, the train to downtown Philley, another train to the Philadelphia airport, a plane to Chicago, a second plane to Phoenix and I picked her up in the car at 12:30 am! Talk about really wanting to get home. Usually I am in bed by 10 pm, but the adrenaline kept me up until it was time to drive to the airport. She was full of energy and stories.

Jonathan arrived an hour ago and his big brother picked him up from the airport. I am busy cooking and waiting to see him. The clocks in my house are apparently not working correctly as each minute is lasting about five minutes. No telling what they are up to. Laura is off to visit with her high school friends for a few hours, as well.

As is the case with many divorced/blended families, we hold our big Thanksgiving dinner tonight and then the kids go to celebrate with their Dad and his family on Thursday. Several times through the years, we tried to do both family dinners on the same day, but one of the kids almost exploded once, so we longer handle the holiday this way. I would not recommend that to anyone.

So as I write this post, I am experiencing the 'Quiet before The Storm'. It's so quiet you could here a pin drop. The dog is pacing the kitchen floor as the delicious smells are already beginning to fill the space. It's driving him crazy already.

I keep myself occupied as I anticipate the following:

Jonathan's loud, happy voice singing in the shower;

The boys hearing about Laura's first semester at college (laughing at her, being protective of her, admiring how she's really growing up)

Andy being interested in what I'm cooking and offering to help, then turn around and watch sports on TV instead;

Everyone playing fetch with Wrigley in the backyard;

Laura taking a million pictures of every detail of the day;

Chaos before the meal, trying not to make lumpy gravy again this year because no one's paying attention;

And finally, sitting at the dinner table, thanking the Lord for this food, our circumstances and mostly, this wonderful, wonderful family.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Single Blog Stalking Continues and Grocery Store Mayhem

I do not have my post ready from the single blog I am currently stalking. This particular person has been blogging for a long time so there's a lot of material to read. Plus, the comments she receives are as interesting as the original post, so I find myself reading all of them as well. I am completely consumed by her writing and her life, though. I should be done before Thanksgiving!

There are still a few moments a day I venture out of my little office and interact with real, live people. And I must say, that the people I ran into at Trader Joe's today were certainly lively!

I never got the memo that at some point in the day, all fresh turkeys would be gone, and possibly the yams and the chicken broth will also be unavailable. Apparently everyone else in the store had gotten the memo and the race was on to capture these final ingredients first. The 4'8" lady with the purple scarf around her neck chose the outside lane and began to make her bold move. She was speaking in tongues and I think she said my past was going to be exposed in a very public way, or something to that effect. I slowed down and let the evil, tiny woman pass me.

Wondering about what poor souls would be feasting with the scarfed woman, I must have stopped to a dead halt, causing a major traffic jam just short of the table with the remaining yams. I was being eyed by the mysterious and dark man to my left. He was holding a page printed from a recipe off the Internet, called 'Mini-Marshmallow Sweet Potato Casserole'. He appeared obviously flustered about something, and I suspect it was due to the fact that Trader Joe's probably doesn't carry mini-marshmallows. He wasn't going home empty-handed that was for sure, so he began to push through my stalled cart using his massive muscles and added adrenaline. "Hey buddy, stop pushing," I say. Maybe he doesn't speak English because he throws me a look that says, step away from the yams or else; so I turn left and face the dried peas and apricots that no one seems interested in.

I begin to wonder aimlessly through the aisles (why are their aisles set on an angle, anyway?) looking for the organic chicken broth. Now, mind you, I'll probably mix this organic broth with other items that are chemically-enhanced but this is what I think I need. Aisle after aisle and I cannot locate the broth anywhere. Or any staff person to ask where they've hidden the chicken broth. Ten minutes past. I begin to sweat. I've run into the same athletic, and very shapely woman several times; each time she sort of flips her thick mane around and gives me that certain smile. It's the "don't worry old woman, you'll find what you are looking for eventually" smile. I grunt back at her and tell her to have a good day! I decide to hell with the broth, I'll get some at a different store. The real reason I came here was a friend of mine who's a personal chef, told me that Trader Joe's has excellent fresh turkeys. So, I head back to the store where a food demonstration is taking place.

It turns out that there is no demonstration, only angry people yelling at one of the granola staffers about running out of the fresh turkeys. Apparently, it is the young staffers' fault that all the turkeys have been bought and that the next shipment doesn't arrive until tomorrow morning. Shame on her. She's really getting it now. One woman asks her, "didn't they know how many people would be coming for their turkeys today?". Another woman and her seventeen children with the runny noses says that she doesn't have time to come back tomorrow. (Probably time to make another baby). I slowly back my cart up and try to remove myself from this ugly encounter. (Why didn't I speak up for this poor little worker bee and make all those mean people feel stupid for acting so childish?)

It's time to check out. I am feeling guilty because once again, I have forgotten to bring my reusable grocery bags. Standing in front of me is Miss Athletic Superstar with the thick hair and Nike sports ensemble. I have the urge to tell her I found the item I was looking for and hold up some item to prove it, but she never turns around.

Warning to all of you who will be grocery shopping in the next couple of days:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

What Do Rap Songs and Expensive, Private Schools Have in Common?

As long as you promise to come back and visit, you need to go directly to The Stiletto Mom ( her post called 'Notorious Dad') and watch the funniest you tube rap video from some funny Dads and Moms. Now I'm all rap happy and walking around the house rapping to that song, saying, "who's your Daddy?"

Which is what it's like being an empty nest person. One minute you are getting on the computer to write a little post about expensive private schools for elementary kids and who actually sends their kids to them....and the next minute you're reading someone else's blog and you are stuck in rap world. The first post idea is definitely coming soon, just not today. Because if I were to write the school post now it might come out a little like this: (say it in rap style, y'all)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Single Blog Stalking: Mrs. Fussypants Does It All with Style and Grace

I just spent my entire weekend in the lovely town of Nashville with a wonderful blogger named Allison Worthington. This is one organized woman! She has a house full of young sons, she blogs, twitters and does Facebook, too. She is editor-in-chief for Blissfully Domestic and has won a page full of awards, including a Best New Blog in 2007 and a 2008 Bloggie award. Now the interesting part: she began her blog in 2007!

The site is called Mrs. Fussypants. She has her past archives broken down into about 20 categories like 'Evil Republican' and 'Christian Living' and 'The Gentle Art of Ruling One's Husband'. By the end of the weekend, I felt like I knew this person and really enjoyed the humor she finds in all of life's experiences.

My Favorite Posts:

1) In October of last year, her husband had lost his job and they decided to wait until after the holidays to job hunt, sell the house, etc. It took 8 months to sell the house, then move in with relatives before the new job started. Through it all, Allison had a cheery outlook. I loved how she started her cool photo jewelry on-line business during this time. She is a real inspiration to me and all the other people who may be going through this similar experience soon. (She often has contests to win a piece from her jewelry collection). Seeing her house empty right before she moved made me cry. This post is in the Christian Living category.

2) I loved the title and the article about coming out of the closet as a Republican and that she may lose half her audience! The video she has on the site is about 11 minutes long but well worth listening to. Twice.

3) She does a 'Name that Inappropriate Picture' contest where her readers submit a title to the picture in the comment section, then everyone gets to vote the next week in a poll format. So far, I have not had any funny comments to offer...I just go blank. But, some of the comments are hysterical and I really appreciate the comments from the Southerns. Very funny stuff.

I love how she photoshops her head in that adorable big hat and pearls onto all kinds of people and sometimes it's too big or not in the right angle. My two favorites: Mrs. Fussypants getting a massage and the Sex in the City shot (go find them yourself).

She gives a lot of credit to the ProBlogger site for teaching her how to do her blog well and get recognized, so I'm off to get schooled myself. Thanks for the tip, Allison.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Blog Underworld Secret Code Language

As a newbie to this blog underworld, I read as much as I can about how to get more readers to my blog, how to get a higher page rank for better advertisements, etc. Many of the articles I read seem to be in blog underworld secret code language, but not wanting to admit I don't know what the hell they are talking about, sometimes I just play along. I figure it can't hurt, and just maybe this empty nester will someday see the light!

Listed below is an attempt to get backlinks from Technorati, if I understood what the blogger said. This is step one. Now I must go back and follow steps 2-5 and see what happens. There is some strange level of excitement when you're delving into something that is difficult to understand. Wish me luck.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Just a Thought, Mr. Obama

Hello, Mr. Obama. Congratulations on the election. I know you've been busy picking your staff and that's probably why you haven't responded to my post yet, dated November 5, 2008. And I know you have the middle class and the lower class people to respond to first; as you have said many times, they need are the most important groups to you and your party. But don't worry, we in the UPPER CLASS are patient and understand the difficulties of your new position.

If I may, I have another thought you may be interested in exploring. The subject involves the housing crisis and the future uses of the Federal stimulus packages. I do not wish to debate who started this mess in the housing crisis as I feel we may come to very different conclusions. Let's just say we are both in this together now and I'd like to propose one solution to the problem.

It seems to this blogger that we need to first correct one of the original problems of the housing crisis. Anyone who paid attention to their Economic teacher in high school has an understanding of supply and demand and how that effects the prices of homes, and as you know, we have a glut of homes sitting on the market. There are so many reasons why people are not in the mood to buy right now that without your (Federal) help, we are just not going to get the ball rolling, if you see what I mean.

The banks and the Federal government has done a decent job with some foreclosures recently by altering existing mortgages and that has cost a lot of money, but that's money well spent. This alone won't stop the spiraling drop in housing prices so I ask for you to consider the proposal that is going before Congress now that has been presented by this nation's builders.

The proposal is called "Fix Housing First" and basically for any house bought over the next year a tax credit of up to $22,000 would be given to the new homeowner. Also, there is an interest rate buy down on new regular 30-year fixed mortgages to 2.99% for the houses purchased through June 30, 2009. People smarter than me can give you the details of this proposal and I would even go so far as to suggest doing this Federal assistance prior to assisting the auto industries and providing money for infrastructure.

My favorite quote of the day was listed in yesterday's Wall Street Journal, by Chief Executive at Toll Brothers Inc., Robert Toll, when he said, "We certainly need new tunnels and bridges, but they will be bridges to nowhere if they lead to places where there are empty homes".

I look forward to your comments on my post and hope you are resting up prior to your big inauguration celebration.

Monday, November 10, 2008

My Weekend with Mary Anne at The Stiletto Mom

On Saturday morning, I woke up, made coffee and selected one blog to read from "cover to cover" so to speak. Starting from the first post until the last post, I stalked this one blog for the entire weekend. I have to say that this is a really fun exercise and I think I will continue to do it again and again each week. I really had such a hard time choosing who I wanted to stalk.

Since I've decided to do this again, I choose Mary Anne's The Stiletto Mom. This is an obvious choice for me for several reasons. First, she is the first person who reached out to me on an email and told me a few things about commenting and getting more traffic/readers to my site. Second, she added me to her blogroll and I think this was the first person to do so. Third, her blogroll introduced me to some of my very favorite sites, like Steenky Bee and i am bossy. Finally, I entered her Oy Vey contest and actually won (see her Sept 22nd post) a $25 gift card, making this my "first paycheck" for the blog.

I have no idea how I found her in the first place, though. Maybe I just liked the name as I really adore shoes (that's one wall in my closet).

The big shocker: She started writing on on her blog on August 1st, which is exactly when I started. She seems so much more "in the know" than me with the blog world. And it's probably a good thing that I started this single blog stalking with someone relatively new as it actually takes a long time to read each post. I started reading with wine around noon on Saturday and when I was done reading, I had quite a nice little buzz going!

My Favorite Post(s): Okay, I narrowed it down to 4 posts:

1) Sept 2nd: Mary Ann observes a crazy family in a Sushi restaurant, where she hears the Dad say to the kids, "Here's the deal, if we go to a restaurant and you don't like it, STARVE". Very funny story unfolds....

2) Oct 14th: Mary Ann has potty training memories where she tells her son that "The Poo-Poo's have hands" and The Man (her hubby) can't believe this is what's she's telling her son. Brought back many PT memories of my own.

3) Oct 8th: Best Post Pictures! Mankinis in Cabo...need I say more. But my favorite part was how her friends were helping her to get the pictures discreetly (and there's some danger involved, too).

4) Sept 7th: This is the post that when I first read it, I laughed so hard and immediately added her blog to 'My Favorites' list: Mary Ann and The Man were having a difference of opinion about her trash can being left out in the open, so she decides to decorate the can with various themes. My favorite was the 'library look'.

Final Thoughts: I think it's amazing that Mary Anne can work full time have 2 children and write consistently on her blog at the same time. Kuddos on being the Super Mom. I like the way she constantly is upset with Google and the ads they have placed on her site. I totally agree with her about waiting for Christmas decorations going up everywhere before Halloween and Thanksgiving! This is a fun blog to read, so head on over there right now and find your own favorite posts!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The 4:00 pm Date Phone Call

Bill: I'm just finishing up and wondering what you are doing.Beth: I'm on the computer and the dog is sleeping.

Bill: Is there anything you want to do tonight?Beth: Hmm.............

At this point my answers fall into 3 separate but similar suggestions which almost always get the same response from Bill. Sometimes, I throw in a doozy like, "let's dressed up and go clubbing!" for which there is silence on the other end of the phone, so that doesn't count.

Our choices are: Go out to dinner somewhere; Exercise, get food, grill out and watch TV (movie or sports) Go to the Movies (pretty rare, though)

WOW. Sounds fun. Can we fall into such a rut so easily?

When I was younger, I used to complain or plan our lives so that we would already have plans to attend a function or meet friends somewhere but wait to tell Bill when he called and asked me at 4 pm on Saturday afternoon. Imagine this...but Bill didn't appreciate this which sent the rest of the weekend on a sour note. (How he ever dealt with me, I'll never know).

Now, to be honest, I kind of don't mind the laziness of our Saturday evenings. We've kind of settled into this routine and now it's pretty darn hard to get ourselves out. It probably just a phase that has lasted for about 6 years now. I think it just seems different now because of the empty nest situation. Have you gotten yourselves in a rut you'd like to share with me so I don't feel like such a recluse loser? (Feel free to make something up if you're running out the door to some wonderful party!)

Friday, November 7, 2008

Single Blog Stalking

It's not like I have a diet and exercise plan or anything to attend to, or a life off the computer, for that matter, but this weekend I am going to devote all my attention to one blog site and read every single post the author has written...from beginning to the end. On Monday, I will unveil which blog site I choose and share my favorite post from that site. I have not decided which blog to do yet, but come Saturday morning, I'll select someone.

I got this crazy idea from reading a post from The Stiletto Mom. She didn't feel much like writing a post that day so she pulled up an old post about an annoying neighbor and squirrels. It was cute, but it made me think, how did she choose that particular post? Is this one of her favorite posts?

I know even in the short 3 months that I have been writing posts on my 6 pages, I have some posts that I either think is well written or came across in a way that made me feel good afterwards. Of course, no one else might agree with my selections, but that's just the way the world turns!

There are so many great writers in this gigantic blog world, one can easily be humbled. I am so glad to have found many great ones and always wonder who I am missing.

This little experiment is kind of like reading one's biography. But stalking in this matter is not creepy, right? I just think jumping from one post one day, skipping a few days and then returning a week later makes you miss lots of good material. And maybe they have more than one channel or page, like my site, and you might not hit them on a "good day".

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Things Aren't Always as They Seem

I am wearing my little Republican underwear today, which might bring you to the conclusion that I am a Republican and was a supporter of John McCain and Sarah Palin. Then again, due to my on-and-off-again incontinence problem, maybe I am a supporter of Barack Obama and Joe Biden. My point is, not everything is as it seems to be. To really understand an issue, you must dig deeper and not just scratch the surface. On most issues, there is a no clear "blue or red" position and no side can claim the perfect solution to a problem. There really is no right or wrong way to achieve our most important of goals.

For the past two years, the media has fed us one-liners and a steady dose of simplistic statements about each party platform and the candidates running for the office of the President of the United States. In-depth discussions on the merits to the ideas each candidate had proposed were all but nonexistent and actually caused each candidate trouble when they tried to be comprehensive. I, for one, am thrilled the election process is over.

I do not pretend to be an expert in the political arena and therefore did not use my little blog platform to push my choice for President on anyone. Instead, I would like to share with you my thoughts about the Upper Class in America and what Mr. Obama may not understand about our lives.

I grew up in a family where my Father worked very hard. He left before the sun rose and returned after dark in the evening. He did well financially and invested well. My Mom worked relentlessly doing volunteer work at hospitals, Meals on Wheels, and programs for the deprived children from the inner city of Chicago, to name a few. I was brought up in believing we have the responsibility to help those less fortunate than ourselves.

I am married to the hardest working person I know. His college education was not paid for; instead he worked over 40 hours a week, missing out on most collegiate experiences. For the past 20 years, he has worked long hours, takes very little time off and has provided for his new family very well. Up until 4 years ago, I had also worked my way up the corporate ladder and made a decent salary, too. Then, I choose to take my Mother's route of devoting all my time and money to important charitable efforts, (Free Arts of AZ, Teach for America, Lost Boys of Sudan, safe, Graduation Nights for Seniors, Habitat for Humanity, Big Brothers and Sisters, Juvenile Diabetes, local Police and Fire efforts, Rise Up International, I could go on, but you get the idea). In addition, to these efforts, I tried to help individuals get them out of their desperate situations by taking them to court for suspended licenses and drove them to WIC's for diapers and supplies. It has been a very rewarding and valuable experience for me.

We currently give 33% of what we make to the government in the form of taxes, so "they" can use it for whatever programs "they" see fit. That's 33 cents of every hard-earned dollar. Once Obama gets in office and gets his tax plan in place, 40 cents of every dollar we make will be used for whatever "they" see fit. Just where do you think that extra 7 cents per dollar is going to come from? Well, unfortunately, it's the money that currently goes to the non-profit organizations listed above. Bill and me no longer will get to choose what organizations can benefit from our hard work and money. That's sad but it's not the real important part of the story.

You see, by taking out the personal, in your face, touchy-feely aspect to volunteering/donating, I think over time, we stop really caring and understanding the in-depth problem or issue at hand. And when our hearts and thoughts aren't with the people in need, I fear we (the Upper Class) will ask ourselves why are we working so hard, again?! My guess, many salaries will be lowered to, say, $249,000 for the 2008-09 tax season. The old saying, "we gave at the office" will be heard because it will be true. And finally, most of the best solutions to this nations' problems come from volunteers and money supporters who are actually feeding the poor or providing the shelter for the abused woman.

I am worried for the organizations that rely heavily on the Upper Class to financially support their efforts. I am worried for what this kind of hands-off system does to the moral fiber of this country. And, I am tired of politicians who spew the words 'Upper Class' as if we are all some kind of vile, dishonest collection of people, because we are not. Most of us give and give and give some more. We are not asking for a thank you or a pat on the back, either. Mr. Obama, please try to understand that things aren't always as they seem. We are the hard-working individuals that CARRY this nation along and devote our lives for the betterment of others.