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Working as a lifeguard last year, I got called into the bathroom because a girl had thrown up in the sink. The drain had small holes in it, and the puke was so chunky it didn't go down. Literally, by looking at it, you could see her entire meal. And so, being that I was the one on duty for that, I had to grab gloves and scoop it all out into a wastebasket. So, I completely agree with this unwritten rule. Plus, the toilet has more capacity and is less likely to clog.

On a trip to DC I shared a hotel room with three other guys and one of them puked in the sink, toilet, tub, and floor in the middle of the night while we were all asleep... Oh and he put all the towels in the tub to try and clean up.

Elbows out, brace your shoulders and walk forward while glaring at the fucks trying to push on (it's good to be much bigger than 99% of th people here). Sometimes I yell "FIRST OFF THEN ON!" in Chinese while I do it. So sick of the pushing, going home in a month! YAY!

Last night one of my good friends got completely trashed at another friends party. It was a fancy event with an open bar. She ended up vomiting all over the patio of a country club, and attempting to swim in the pond that was outside. I had to go in and save her because her boyfriend left (asshole). After getting her out, she stripped naked and ran around the golf course. I had to chase her. Was not a fun night.

It's amazing how much this simple act can completely change one's outlook toward other people. Cut in front of me and I will want to destroy you and everything you ever loved. Give a "thanks" wave and suddenly I think you're actually a pretty cool person.

The main cause of road rage is that people cannot show proper body language in a car.

If I'm walking down the sidewalk and bump into you, I can say sorry, put my hands up in defence showing it was an accident, or even hunch my shoulders and stare at the ground away from your gaze. As long as I'm not arching my back and staring you down, you probably aren't going to get mad.

In a car, if I cut you off, chances are you'll never be able to see my body language at all. So, you automatically assume I was trying to be an asshole.

Maybe cars ought to have politeness lights. If you want to say "please", "thank you", or "sorry", you push a little button and it turns on a little white light in the middle of the bumper or something.

When I was a kid, I always thought that cars should have a set of light up hands on the back bumper next to the tail lights. Each of the fingers could be turned on or off individually, allowing the user to give a thumbs up, a peace sign, an* ILU or even a middle finger. No guessing involved.

One time I saw a girl in an elevator who couldn't have weighed over a hundred pounds, and she had a HUGE belly, looked like she was ready to pop pregnant. I though, there's no way she's not pregnant, so I make conversation. "So when's your baby due?"

Turns out it was a massive tumor. Only time in my life I regretted something.

I deal with this all the time. My favorite being in the last few weeks:

// sorry you might have to rewrite this I was a little drunk at first
//this works. If a catastrophic bug happens down the line, check here first.
//This can't actually work can it?
//sorry
//todo: refactor this
//deleting while counting

I like this. Fulfills your obligation as a female without going overboard: can be given apologetically to a friend ("That's all I have!) or spitefully to a foe ("Enjoy that grainy 80-grit cardboard, you boyfriend stealing...") Good work.

I'm not even a woman, but if a total stranger woman grabbed my arm from the shadows and said she needed me to run into the store and by some pads, I'd do it. It's just basic human decency to help out when someone is bleeding from their vagina.

Edit: For people who are saying you should help anyone who is bleeding. Obviously, but random strangers usually aren't going to tap you on the shoulder to ask you go into the store and buy them some pads for their sucking chest wound.

I teach middle school and one of my girls came up to me, completely desperate. I searched through my purse and all I could find was a tampon. I held it up and then noticed a look of complete horror on her face. Guess she's a pad girl.

Understandable. I was pretty terrified of tampons until after high school, mostly because I heard them being referred to as 'thirsty white albino penisis', and because of my ignorance at the time when it came to TSS.

I hereby pledge...
1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it's just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!)
2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I'm a major tramp who's just asking for it.
3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina's freshness seal and make me totally unlovable.
4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises.
5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn't want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding.

This was something I found on some weird little corner of the internet once and it kills me every time.

A family friend thought it would be an interesting (fun) sociological experiment to see of he could, simply by looking and acting official, remove furniture and whatnot from hotel and bank lobbies. He would show up in a jump suit and a clip board and ask whoever was there to sign a piece if paper and would proceed to clear everything out. Chairs, fake plants, spittoons, etc. He'd even get their help holding the door for him. He even hit the same lobby twice. He was finally busted when a cop knocked on his apartment door asking about drug activity in the area and saw wall-to-wall furniture and rubber tree plants in his apartment.

EDIT: To answer a few questions ...

He was for busted and served some time in the county jail, though this happened before I was born, I believe. It was a surprise for me, as a kid, to learn that he was ever in prison.

This happened in the early '60s and the way my parents always told the story, there were spittoons involved. Apparently a thing in Colorado bank lobbies in the early '60s.

I've never seen or heard of that show before. I don't watch TV. Sounds like a fun show, tho. Apparently his "experiment" wasn't all that original or unique.

My parents and their other college friends also did other "experiments". Notably, robbing a fake casino night of its fake money with fake squirt guns. I'm kind of envious of that one.

In New York City, Troy would visit Central Park carrying a park bench he had bought. Police, suspecting he was trying to steal it, arrested him a number of times. He always presented the bill of sale and was released. Hugh got his revenge by coordinating with a number of friends to take the park benches all at the same time. Because the police thought it was "that guy with the bill of sale" again none of the bench thieves were stopped as they walked out of the park.

I have to wonder at stories like this, because I know that it can happen, but it still blows my mind. Like, yeah, the ex is a huge asshole for doing that, and I can imagine how embarrassed your boyfriend would be as well.

But doesn't it reflect on the business (or the manager or whatever) incredibly poorly that they'd fire a presumably valuable, respected employee over something they arguably have no control over?

I mean, forget about being an actual relation--look at it this way. I could walk into any fucking business as a complete stranger, and just straight up lie, claiming to know employee X and saying he's been stalking me and assaulting me, and I could get really hysterical and cause a giant scene. And just because of that, the employer can simply fire the employee without any further looking into the matter?

Aren't there laws against shit like this? Couldn't you sue your employer over the fact that it's ridiculous to assume that you can prevent disgruntled people from coming to your place of work? Call the fucking cops and have them escorted out, and if you need to then you get a restraining order so they can't come back. That should be all that's necessary.

All of my friends have fuckin iPhones while I have an older no-name phone. It works just fine for texting and calling... But when someone on an iPhone texts me, they do it one

word.

at.

a.

time.

Which sends me separate messages.

Fuck you people. Seriously. Just type out what you're going to type instead of putting it in instant messenger format.

Edit: If you're sending something asinine like "Hey, what's up? You wanna hang out?" you can use your fancy shmancy voice recognition. If it is a message you don't want other people around you hearing, or if you have to be quiet, just slow down and ease up on that send key.

My sister is a freshman in high school and this has got to be the biggest source of drama between her and her friends (except on iMessage instead of Facebook). They don't seem to know that they can turn it off either, or think that it's "weird" to do so.

When you're watching someone else's baby you have to follow the rules they set word for word.

EDIT: Since people are asking, one of our baby's grandparents would consistently ignore the sleep schedule. Their reasoning was I didn't let my babies sleep during the day and it's the key to getting them to sleep through the night. I'm not saying that didn't work for her but the true key to getting a baby (and yourself) to sleep through the night is a consistent schedule and she was working against ours. Then she came up with this weird Trust me, I know how to raise this baby because it's my granddaughter defense. We're her fucking parents and when a parent sets a rule about watching their baby there shouldn't be any further discussion of the matter.

Someone my parents knew had a baby that couldn't be put down to sleep on its stomach (I forget what the exact reason was), and they made sure to tell every babysitter this. One babysitter did it anyway and the baby died.

If you pick up an item in a store. Place it back where you got it, not the closest shelf to you when you decide you don't want it. Because then some $40 hoodie is sitting on a table with some $15 tees and some idiot bitches at the cashier that because some other idiot set it on the $15 table then we should let them pay $15 because suddenly it is our fault for falsely advertising the price of said hoodie.

Yes this happens almost every fucking day. People try to get away with this shit.

Grocery store people who do this -- Pick up cold thing from actually refrigerated area, an item like Lunchables or milk, then stick it in the freezer or even on a shelf! I've seen people stick it next to bread and cereal. It's one thing if it's misplaced, then it is just restocked, but on a small level it feels like theft or vandalism if you let perfectly good food go bad because you couldn't walk back three more aisles and return it where it's being kept.

I saw people that I thought were in the act of doing this once, and they looked like they were headed out of the store, so I was going to grab their stuff and put it back (Say what you will about me but it really bugs me), and then come to find out they just wanted sodas from a cooler by the door and returned not thirty seconds later. Glad I didn't grab their stuff.

There are exceptions, but I cringe every time I am walking by canned vegetables and see a TV dinner or some popsicles out in the middle of nowhere.

It really sucks from a store standpoint too. I used to work in a meat department and we would constantly have things brought back to us that had been left on random aisles. Such an incredible amount of meat was simply thrown away because we couldn't sell it anymore. It was so irritating.

Really it happens within all departments that have temperature sensitive items, but I only personally experienced it in the meat department.

If you are having sex with someone and they queef, don't be a dick and laugh at them; keep going. If they laugh, laugh a little and then get things back on track. Human biology during a passionate encounter is a terrible thing to mock and laugh at somebody for.