Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Digression into Zombies...

It's a wet day out there. It's usually light by the time I get to the office but since the sun hasn't come out, it's still only a rainy twilight. It makes it seem much earlier than it is. It's going to be a quiet day today, I hope. Several of my coworkers are out of the office today for a meeting so it promises to be a little more peaceful.

It's supposed to rain for a few days. In fact on my iGoogle panel, there's nothing but rain clouds for all the days that are displayed. There is a chance of snow but not so much for me, more for people north of me...it's rain and snow. I was going to try avoid mentioning that to my mother who despises snow but since she reads this blog, that might be hard. Uh, sorry mum. It's only a chance of snow though. I did not do the snow dance with Sausage. As much as I adore snow, even I know it's too early for it. Snow belongs in the months of November through March. It does not belong in October. We can have frost....that, I don't mind.

I was scrolling through my past blogs to see where I'd mentioned the snow dance and I just realized that tomorrow is the one year anniversary of starting this blog. It's amazing how quickly it passes by. I love to blog. It's become one of my favourite things to do. I'm also grateful to all of my readers who keep me going just by reading and commenting. I love to get comments, it means people are responding to what I'm writing and that's a nice feeling.

Over the year, the blog hasn't really changed in its format; I still blog about whatever pops into my mind. I think there have only been a few blogs that I've planned. Most of my planned blogs have been rants which I don't actually plan, I just know I want to blog about them. For example, my DMV rants, Stephanie Meyer rants and anything else that gets me riled up.

I've realized that, really, my blog is the electronic equivalent of having my own little newspaper column. The realization came after watching "Marley and Me," this past weekend. In the movie, John Grogan, a reporter, is given a column that eventually becomes his full time job. He gets to write about whatever he wants although many of his columns centre around his dog, Marley. I can't help but think that has to one of the most awesome jobs in the world and he got paid for it. I actually like that film although I hate the ending. If there's one thing guaranteed to make me sad, it's when bad things happen to good pets. Take, for example, the silly film, "I am Legend." The whole movie is pretty much Will Smith and his dog. A bad thing happens to the dog and it was sad. When, in the end, a bad thing probably happens to Will Smith, I was just relieved that the movie was over because I just didn't care about his character nor the zombie-things that try to bite him all the time.

That's the thing with zombies. I'd like to know why they're constantly trying to eat people's brains and things. Zombies are sort of en vogue right now, even in the mainstream. I say that because in the world of horror-geeks, zombies are always cool. Yet now thanks to books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and The Zombie Survival Guide and movies like "Zombieland" and "Shaun of the Dead," zombies are giving vampires a run for their money as the horror creature du jour.

Except there are very few people who explain why it's brains that they eat. I'm sure there's a whole mythology out there as to the evolution of a zombie but as a lazy Monkeypants, I'm not going to really seek it out. No, what I'd like to see is, simply, "Psychology of a Zombie." Don't just tell me it's a virus that creates zombies which seems to be one of the more common theories. Tell me what the driving need to eat someone's brain is really about. I mean, is it because they believe by eating brains, it makes them smarter? If so, that doesn't explain why the zombies keep going after brains even after they've eaten one. Is it because they just crave brains as part of their zombie-ness, kind of like people crave chocolate?

I don't get it. While we're on the subject, why is it that you can kill a zombie by destroying its brain? Isn't the point that it's a zombie mean it's brain really isn't working anyway?

I just did a quick search on 'How to Kill a Zombie." I'm a little alarmed at how many resources there are out there. People...you just have too much time on your hands. There's a fine line between funny and disturbing and the amount of people who are preparing for a zombie attack is just a wee bit disturbing. If it were me, I'd be targeting squirrels. Those are far sneakier and realistic than zombies. I mean, take Nutley 2.0 who, by the way, now has three companions who run around my yard. He's multiplying. So are the holes in my yard.

Yes, if anything were going to stage a coup and try to take over the world, my money would be on squirrels. They're sneaky little buggers and they're seemingly quite clever with their hickory nut mindgames. They also have sharp teeth and they're gutsy. Thus, I think we should have more of a "Squirrel Survival Guide" rather than a zombie one. I mean, has anyone actually seen a zombie? And I'm not talking about any of the following: drugged out people, really stupid people, really tired people or really distracted people.

How did I get on this topic, anyway? Oh, yes, sorry. I was discussing how I wanted John Grogan's newspaper columnist job. I do digress, don't I? My apologies. One minute I'm talking about sad dog movies and the next, I'm talking about zombie invasions. Like I said in the beginning, I never quite know what I'm going to blog about. Obviously, I just proved my point.

Still, tomorrow, it'll have been a year since I decided to do this and you'll see from the word cloud to the right that I've discussed quite a few topics. I'm always open to suggestions, however. I can pretty much ramble on about anything. It's a talent. And a curse. Because sometimes...I can't stop. I just keep going.

In the meantime, I better get to work. I can see through my murky basement window (which is more like one of those makeshift windows with blocks of glass to make it seem like we have a window,) that it's light now. There's no sign of the sun. I expect it'll be like that for a few days.

About Me

I am a writer living in Ohio, by way of Los Angeles, Indiana and the UK. I'm frightfully British though I've lived in the States for over half my life. I work for a software company but would love nothing more than to spend all day writing and using the part of my brain that works best.

Captain Monkeypants is a writer/computer-type-person who lives in Ohio by way of the U.K., Indiana, California and Ohio.

She is a fan of many pop culture-y things particularly Harry Potter, all things Joss Whedon and good TV shows as well as music, soup, cheese and brussel sprouts. She is the author of another blog entirely about TV that can be found athttp://captaintv.blogspot.com/.-----------------------------------In case you're wondering, Captain Monkeypants is not a kinky name, it's mostly because a) I always wanted to be a pirate and thus a Captain so...now I am one and b)I love monkeys and c) because I love Buffy The Vampire Slayer, particularly this bit of dialogue:

Oz: So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going, 'Hey, man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity.' And you know, the monkey's just, [with a French accent] 'I mock you with my monkey pants!' And then there's a big coup in the zoo."

Willow: The monkey is French?

Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?"

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Comments, questions, discussions and non-spam/non-junk/non-hate can be emailed to her at essex24@gmail.com.