key to women achieving orgasm

Orgasms can help reduce stress, improve your skin, and make you feel, well, great. However, for many women, orgasms — especially those achieved through penetration — can be just as elusive as the mysterious G spot.

It’s relatively uncommon for women to orgasm through intercourse alone. In fact, according to a 2017 study, only about 18 percent of women achieve orgasm through penetration alone — meaning no hands, mouth, or toys needed. More often than not, clitoral stimulation is required, or at least beneficial, when it comes to orgasming during sex.

However, even if you haven’t experienced a vaginal orgasm, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Some believe that the G spot may be the key to women achieving orgasm during penetration. But some researchers believe that vaginal orgasms don’t even exist, so it can be difficult to separate fact from fiction.

What is the G spot?
You’ve probably heard of the G spot, along with how it’s the “key” to achieving an earth-shattering vaginal orgasm. But is it real? Honestly, it’s complicated.

Known as the Gräfenberg spot, the G spot was introduced by Dr. Beverly Whipple after she discovered that using a “come here” motion along the inside of the vagina produced a physical response in women. She believed that this region could be the key to women achieving orgasm during sex.

However, it’s important to clarify that the G spot isn’t actually a distinct part of your anatomy. In fact, in a 2017 study, researchers attempted to find the G spot only to come up empty-handed.

Instead of being its own separate spot in your vagina, the G spot is part of your clitoral network. This means that when you’re stimulating the G spot, you’re actually stimulating part of the clitoris, which is much larger than we’re led to believe. Turns out, the pea-sized nub where the inner labia meet is actually only the tip of the clitoris and divides into two “roots” that can be about four inches long.

Plus, this region can vary from woman to woman which explains why it can often be difficult to locate. However, once it’s stimulated, the G spot can cause female ejaculation (yes, it’s real) and help women reach vaginal orgasm.

How can you find it?
Finding the G spot can be difficult, especially since it’s not actually on any map of the human body. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Instead of searching for it during partnered sexual activity, it’s easier to locate the G spot through self-exploration.

If you’re looking to find your G spot, start by relaxing. As you begin to explore your body, do what feels best to you. When you’re ready, begin massaging the opening to your vagina before inserting your fingers or a sex toy.

Then, using your fingers or a toy, lift upward toward your belly button in a “come hither” motion. Remember, you’re not trying to hit a specific button but rather finding what feels best for you in that general region. Repeat the motion as the sensation builds, and — instead of an in-and-out movement — you’ll want to keep focusing your attention on this area.

Your middle finger can still perform the magic just like the image below.

Like other erogenous zones, preferences can vary from person to person. In fact, a 2016 review emphasized that orgasms are not one-size-fits-all, so there’s no right or wrong way to orgasm.

Not all women will find satisfaction through G spot stimulation, and that’s fine too. Remember that masturbation is completely normal and it can be a healthy part of any relationship. By taking time to explore your own preferences, you can use that information to instruct your partner on what you enjoy most during sex.

The best sex positions to stimulate the G spot
If you’re hoping to experience G spot stimulation during sexual intercourse, there are certain sex positions that work best. Try positions that allow you a little more control over your movements so you can figure out what types of stimulation you enjoy most. While there are many sex positions that can help you achieve this, here are three to try.

Cowgirl
Have your partner lay on their back, then climb on top and straddle them. This position allows you complete control over the rhythm, depth, and angle of penetration so you can focus on finding your G spot.

Instead of bobbing up and down, try moving back and forth to stimulate the G spot region against your inner vaginal wall. Mixing it up can help as well, so don’t be afraid to experiment with different speeds and angles.

Doggy style
Doggy style is another great way to achieve deeper penetration during sex. It’s easy to vary the angle to hit your G spot.

Start on your hands and knees with your partner behind you. During penetration, try leaning down on your forearms or pushing your hips backward to change the angle until you find the position that works best for you. If you’d like, you can try a different variation by lying flat on your stomach with your legs hanging off the edge of the bed, allowing your partner to stand behind you and penetrate from there.

Closed missionary position
A variation on the classic missionary position, this position allows for greater stimulation without the depth of penetration. You’ll start off on your back in missionary position before moving your legs together. Then, your partner’s legs should straddle yours, allowing a tighter squeeze. While this shallow penetration that might not hit as deep, it does create a tighter feeling — and more increased friction against your G spot — which might be the perfect way to help you reach orgasm.

Find what works for you
Despite what you might see in movies, sex isn’t always quick and easy. Women are often led to believe that sex is shameful, which can make it harder to achieve orgasm and sexual satisfaction.

Don’t be afraid to take charge of your sex life and find what you like. If that means you’re able to find your G spot and rock it, good for you. If not? That’s great too. There’s no rule that says there’s one way to orgasm, and — for most women — it’s normal to prefer a combination of efforts. Finding what works for you can take time, so be patient.

The most important thing is that you’re satisfied. Exploring your body and your sexual preferences is a great step in making sure you have a happy, safe, and pleasurable sex life. You should never feel ashamed of figuring out what you like. After all, everyone deserves to have great sex.