Not earned the right to walk her down the isle! :(

dissapointeddadOctober 28, 2010

My daughter is getting married very soon and she has informed me that she is having her mother walk her down the aisle and not me. I had to ask before I got this bombshell dropped on me, I donÃ¯Â¿Â½t think she was going to tell me until I showed up and found out the hard way.

Her mother and I divorced when my daughter was three and then her mother moved her nearly 600 miles away from me with an entire two weeks notice to me and a week before Christmas. I eventually moved leaving a very nice career to be closer to her but she still managed to pull away from me emotionally. I was never a deadbeat dad always paid my support and always tried to be there for her but she would always make excuses to not come and visit me or when she did she would make excuses to cut the visits shorter and shorter each time until the past two years she just refused to come because she was "too busy". I have also been helping her pay for her college.

When she graduated High School I was in a class for a new job that I could not miss any time so I found a private pilot to fly me to her graduation so I could get there without being fired. One month later I have completed the six month training for the new job and there was a very elaborate graduation ceremony and she refused to come because she did not approve of my career choice when it was the very same thing I was doing when she was a child. Then she meets this guy who I am told is a very nice guy but for some reason she/they keep making excuses not to bring this guy around for me to meet him. I have tried to carry on conversations with him online but he is very short in his responses and not making it easy to get to know him. Now they are getting married and I am told that I have not earned the right to walk her down the aisle and that her mother has. After I voiced my opinion about that I was told not to come to the wedding at all. So I send this guy an email telling him that if he has any desire to get on my good side that he should convince my daughter to invite me to the wedding again. The very next day I get a phone call from my daughter apologizing and blaming her actions on hormones and wedding planning stress and that everyone is yelling at her for her decisions. So I'm thinking that she has changed her mind and ask her what she needs to finish paying off the expenses and I send her enough to do so. A couple of weeks later I ask about the rehearsal dinner and about me being there to walk her down the aisle and I get "I told you mom is walking me down!"

I'm feeling pretty used and disrespected right now. Any suggestions or comments? Am I being used?

Given that there are two sides to every story and we are hearing only your side, it still appears that your ex has poisoned your daughter's mind against you. If all that you have done has not demonstrated that you are other than what she believes, it may be time to disengage. Perhaps she will grow up enough in time to see the situation for herself. If not, seek happiness elsewhere and stop beating your head against a brick wall.