Virgin, hymen? Pain...

I am 22 years old and still have my hymen intact. I never used a tampon because I could never insert one (believe me, I tried). A few years ago I had irregular periods so my physician inserted a finger into my vagina. She said I was really tight and that my "first time would be really really really painful." Just recently, I decided to try and use a tampon. So, I know this sounds stupid, but I laid down on my bed and used a mirror to find my vagina. Here's the thing. I can't find an opening. It looks like a cherry just decided to situate itself and completely block my opening. I do get my periods regularly now so I KNOW there's some opening...but I seriously can not find it. I always have to tell my boyfriend to stop when he fingers me because it hurts really bad. My friends have told me to see a gyno and have him/her point out my vagina hole. But I would feel stupid making an appt just to ask "hey, I can't find my vagina." Here's the thing. I was listening to the radio once and heard a doctor saying something about how virgin vaginas are the size of a pencil point. Is this true? Also, has anyone else experienced the same problem I am currently having? I would like to have sex someday before I die, so, this whole 'where the heck is my hole?' problem is starting to get on my nerves.

I've got a friend with sort of the same problem. She's been working to do more - i.e. more fingers inside, etc. But it's still unbelievably painful. So we talked to my doctor and she said either use these dilator things that will slowly make you wider or surgery. With her, it's not the hymen. It's the way she was born. She had no opening, so the surgeon had to cut one for her and now it' very very small. With you, I'd just ask if maybe your doctor could cut it for you or recommend someone who could. It's definitely your hymen right?

Your doctor said you were "tight" so I assume she was talking about your hymen. Some are thicker than others. There is a surgical procedure that your doctor can do to quickly take care of it. Wasn't that suggested to you? I'd rather have that done than have painful intercourse. And yes, you'd still be a virgin afterwards.

As for where your vagina is, there aren't that many places where it could be (smile). Get out that mirror again and have a look. When I first tried tampons as a teen, I was surprised that it was closer to my anus than I had originally thought. Part your inner lips.. it's in there.

OK, this is my particular "slant" on it, believe it if you will, or believe everyoe else - it is after all you who will wear the consequences.

Your inference chain is correct - you have periods OK, and the doctor knows where to find your vaginal opening, so it is there, works perfectly well, and it is findable. Whether you find it yourself, or whether the doctor finds it for you - if he would not be perfectly happy to do so, he's not worth going to. Maybe the cost of a doctor's visit daunts you, but you would need to consider it money well spent - you want to be taught, go to the one who knows - how much simpler could it be?

Next, what you do now, depends on what you want to do with the informnation - do you a} Want to sexually explore your vagina? If so, you find out where it is, perhaps with the help of the doctor, and take it from there.

Do you b} Want to use tampons? If so, take the tampons with you when you go see the doctor, and take some lubricant which is recomemnded for learning with tampons and particularly if you are practicing without blood - of course.

Do you c} want to have sex? If so, then I do submit that you make the immensely straightforward decision of - waiting until you have a man with whom you intend to have sex. Finding your hymen and stretching it is part and parcel of having sex.

If you think sex merely consists of a guy thrusting his penis into your vagina, then I suggest we part company here. I prefer to see it in the far broader sense as total exploration and enyoyment of your genitals together, which includes looking, touching, stroking, carefully penetrating, having an orgasm and maybe, just maybe sometime down the track, having penis-in-vagina intercourse.

So, traditionally, part of sex is the stretching or "overcoming" of the hymen. Well, why not? But equally, why should it be anything other than slow, gradual, careful and loving. Why would you want to do this other than sharing with your partner? What sense would that make?

And a hint - at that stage, of sharing it with your lover, you might use some vaginal dilators together - I happened on them during an Internet search a few days back, little plastic torpedoes in sets of progressively increasing size. Of course, fingers work really good for most people, but the dilators are an alternative. But consider - would you (and if so, why would you?) want to go to a doctor and ask him to cut you?

The first few times I had sex was EXTREMELY painful. Thats because the hymen was thick. Infact, my boyfriend (now husband ) couldn't even go in the first 2 times because how intact the hyman was. And I couldn't handle the pain. It was painful enough to make me cry. Thats why I would suggest for you to look into having the hymen surgically removed. In my opinion, if I'd know then what I know now, I would of chosen to have it removed by a doctor.

Well,When i had sex for the first time,it hurt very badly,because for one,it was forced,and for two my hymen was thick. I suggest you don't have it surgically removed though,i know it'll be painful,but let your boyfreind or husband,or whomever you have chosen to take it,it is precious. I think that you might be looking at your ****...personally...lol. Try looking down FURTHER towards your anus. And e-mail me and let me know what happens.

Thanks for all your responses. As for the 'where is my vagina' problem...I know I have a good idea where it is. I'm in the medical field and so I have a very good idea of the female anatomy. Despite this, I can not find my hole. Isn't that ironic. So I'm assuming my hymen is very thick but am incredibly afraid of having my boyfriend break it. He's been around the area and has exerted pressure on it but it hasn't budged. I'm just confused because my physician was able to insert one finger...okay, now I'm just being dumb because there's probably no way to help except by making a diagram or something...and that's just too ridiculous. Maybe I should join a convent or something because my threshold of pain is fairly lame. Arggg.

For some reason i am very interested in further talking to you about this,but not on these boards...LMAO...would you like to IM me on AOL or yahoo IM or E-mail me or something? Oh,and by the way,if you could,could you please take time to post a answer on my board about "tonight i tried female ejaculation..i have a question" THANK YOU!!!

Ok I had a lot of problem with inserting tampons for the first time and GOD having sex hurt the first several times too. Maybe what works for me will work for you too.

Ok, so you know that you've got your urethra, then below that a bit, I'm assuming you can see your intact hymen. Well, go right to the bottom of the hymen, and wat I guess is the end of the vulva, where there is that stretchy curved piece of skin that ends the vulva. Lube your finger up, then press it against the part of the hymen that is right near the end of your vulva, where it seems the opening to your vagina must just end. Press against the hymen here, and press down a little bit as you do it. Maybe your finger will slide into your vagina.

Although the actual opening to my vagina was obviously a lot wider than what I described, the opening to my hymen was right down the bottom of my vagina opening, and it was sort of hidden. It can also help if you sit in front of a mirror, and push your vagina outwards. You can achieve this by pushing out the muscles that you use to stop yourself from urinating. If your hymen has a hole in it, this can help separate the skin on the hymen, and push open the opening of the hole. I really hope this helps you a bit!

Originally posted by Literati: So I'm assuming my hymen is very thick but am incredibly afraid of having my boyfriend break it.

Then you do it I know you say you can't find your opening, but it's there. Just get out a mirror and look. Then stick your finger in a little at a time (YOU control any pain) and stretch it. Or just have your doctor do it. I find it hard to believe that people still think an intact hymen is some kind of "gift" you give your husband or boyfriend. Having them be your first could be considered the gift, not a silly piece of tissue. Why not get it over with so you won't have to worry anymore?

Last edited by Mod-S4; 05-20-2005 at 05:59 PM.
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