7 Common Emotions You'll Feel After a Breakup and How to Cope

Dealing with a breakup can feel impossible, but that's all part of the process. | Source

How Am I Supposed to Feel After a Breakup?

Going through a breakup can be very difficult and stressful, and there's no one way you're supposed to feel about it. Often, you are filled with many confusing emotions at once, and you may wonder if what you're feeling is normal. For a while, you might even become overwhelmed with emotions, but don't worry—it's absolutely normal to feel this way. It's quite a process to let go of a person you really loved.

In this article, you will learn about the complicated emotions people commonly experience after a breakup, and—more importantly—how to cope with them.

The Emotional Stages Most People Go Through After a Breakup:

Shock and denial

Desperate need for answers

Fear, loneliness, and sadness

Bargaining (a.k.a. the "crazy" stage)

Anger

Peace and acceptance

Forgiveness

Everyone will go through different stages at different times, so don't worry if you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss. Sometimes, you might even repeat a stage that you've already gone through. Continue scrolling to learn more about each stage and how to cope.

The end of a relationship is bound to leave you reeling, but you will heal. | Source

1. Shock and Denial

Shock and denial go hand in hand. At first, you will feel like you are dreaming. Even if you knew that the relationship was in trouble, you never actually thought that a breakup was possible—your significant other loved you too much to leave. Despite all the bad times, there were many good times. You shared so many wonderful memories that this cannot be real.

You tell yourself that your significant other will soon realize that they are wrong and come running back. You can't believe that this is happening to you because you were once "the perfect couple." You tend to forget all the bad things or see them through rose-colored glasses. You continually tell yourself that you guys will fix things, and everything will be okay.

You're constantly be staring at your phone, waiting for the caller ID to say their name. You believe that they will call soon; they must be busy. At this point, you still will not be able to refer to them as your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. You tell people that you are not really broken up—you both just need a little time.

2. Desperate Need for Answers

Once the shock of your breakup has worn off, you will likely start asking yourself lots of "what if," "why," and "how" questions, such as:

What's wrong with me?

Why didn't he/she want to try to make it work?

How could I have fixed things?

After a breakup, it's completely normal to feel a burning desire to understand why things happened the way they did. This is a very painful stage, as many of the questions people ask themselves after breakups reflect profound feelings of rejection and inadequacy. You may find yourself fixating on things you or your ex said or did—replaying the memories over and over in your head and trying to pull a rational answer from them.

You may feel like all you can think about is your ex.

The pain and confusion that stems from heartbreak can consume every part of your life, becoming all you think or talk about. You will likely find yourself seeking answers from your coworkers, family, or friends, going over every aspect of the relationship and trying to find logical explanations for why things shouldn't have ended.

Agonizing over memories of your relationship, both good and bad, can even cause you to dream of your ex. This, in turn, can affect the quality of your sleep and cause you to wake up feeling sadder and more exhausted than you were when you went to bed. Unfortunately, there's no way to fix this—you must simply let it pass with time.

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3. Fear, Loneliness, and Sadness

The phone has not rung, and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and starting to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. And that's when fear starts to kick in.

You fear that you will be lonely forever. You fear that you will have nobody to talk to. You fear that you will not be able to make it in this big, scary world without them. You fear that when you are sick, there will be nobody there to comfort you.

Sadness and depression often kick in when the initial shock wears off.

While you may have felt some initial sadness mingling with the shock of the breakup, it truly hits when you start to understand that the split is real. You'll likely want to stay in bed and hide under the covers, feeling lonely, depressed, and sorry for yourself. Talking to friends and family is not an option, and you want nothing to do with what is going on around you.

For some reason, you will torture yourself. You will sit and cry and listen to “your song” a million times, to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures of your ex over and over again. You'll tell yourself that you will never be able to find a person who will love you the way that they did. You'll question if you're good enough and if someone else could ever love you.

Know When to Get Help

Sadness is a necessary step in the grieving process, but if you ever start to have thoughts of self-harm, reach out to a crisis counselor immediately.

4. Bargaining (a.k.a. the “Crazy Stage”)

This stage is a little bit of everything mixed into one. It is the stage where shock, denial, fear, loneliness, and sadness kind of come together. I know that many of us have gone through the crazy stage. This is when you have realized that the breakup is real, but you are not going to let it stay that way. You are going to do everything you can to try to make this person come back into your life. You are willing to do anything if it means being with them again.

You may feel compelled to contact your ex and beg to get back together.

While this may seem like a good idea, there are many benefits to the no-contact rule. But it can be very hard to resist getting in touch with your ex. They haven’t called, so you decide to call them. They haven’t written an email, so you plan to write them one. They haven't texted you, so you tell yourself you'll text them.

Unfortunately, most people in this stage don't do these things one time and move on—instead, they bombard their ex with calls, texts, emails, and letters and beg for them to respond. You promise them that this time will be different. You promise to make all of the wrongs right. You try to remind them of all the good memories and make them see that it wasn’t so bad after all. You promise to do anything to make it work.

You read articles and books and watch TV shows on “how to get your ex back.” This is now war. You tell yourself that you're going to make them love you. The outcome of this stage can vary. Because you are setting yourself up for disappointment, when you don't get the response you were looking for, you might revert back to one of the above stages. Some people will be in denial or feel lonely again, while others will experience more anger.

While you may be tempted to contact or keep tabs on your ex, it can often lead to more pain than good. | Source

You may obsess over monitoring their social media.

If you decide not to contact your ex, or you do, and they don't respond, you may resort to obsessively checking their social media accounts. After all, you want to make sure that there are no other significant people in their lives, and the only way you can do that is by constantly looking at their online activity.

If you do go down that rabbit hole, remember that the way people portray themselves on social media isn't always an accurate representation of the way they really feel. So even if it looks like your ex is carefree and living their best life just days or weeks after you break up, that probably isn't the case. In fact, people often post these kinds of photos for the express purpose of making their exes jealous (regardless of whether they are the dumper or the dumpee).

Sometimes, bargaining can lead to relapse.

You may be able to convince your ex to try again (especially if yours was an on-again, off-again relationship to begin with). While this will temporarily ease your pain, it will only make things worse if you break up again. No matter how much you wish it were possible, you can't make a relationship work if you're the only one who wants it to. Healthy relationships require effort from both partners, and you can't blame yourself for not being able to uphold a relationship on your own.

5. Anger

Now that you have been crying for a while and have not moved from your spot on the bed for weeks, you start to think about all the things that you did for this person.

You tell yourself things like:

I don't understand why they left me.

I was such a good boyfriend/girlfriend.

Nobody else will ever do what I did for them.

Good luck trying to find somebody who will do the things I did for you.

At this point, you need to blame somebody. You are tired of blaming yourself, so it suddenly becomes their fault. You are sick of hearing that song and turn the radio off every time you hear it. You want to rip their picture into a million little pieces and burn it.

Though this stage can be emotionally taxing (as if all the other ones aren't), it can also be empowering. Anger—whether it's directed toward your ex, yourself, or the situation in general—can put an end to the numbness and make you feel alive again. It can also give you positive direction and help you lift yourself out of your slump. For many, anger is the first step toward healing.

Note: While anger can be a healthy stage in the healing process, it's important not to take it too far. Resist the urge to badmouth your ex to his friends and definitely don't pull a "Before He Cheats" and vandalize your ex's car (or anything else they own). Burning a picture is one thing, but damaging property is going too far.

6. Peace and Acceptance

Even though you feel as though you will never get to the point of peace, you will. One day you will sit back and realize that you have made it! In spite of the heartache, tears, anger, and fear, you are still alive! Thinking of this person will bring about happy feelings instead of feeling like a knife is cutting through your heart. You will be much stronger than you were before, and you will have learned a lot about what you need and want.

A key shift occurs in this stage—instead of looking back, you will start to plan for the future. For the first time in what feels like ages, you will be excited about life and other people again. You will come to the empowering realization that you don't need your ex to be happy because only you can make you happy. You will realize that you are capable of loving again and that you are worthy of being loved. This is a major breakthrough, so you should be proud!

Forgiveness will set you free. | Source

7. Forgiveness

There are many benefits to forgiving your ex (and yourself), so as soon as you feel like you can let go of those last traces of bitterness, let it happen. For some, this last step can be difficult because that anger—no matter how toxic—can feel like the last connection with your ex. But cutting that final tether will truly free you and give you the strength to rebuild yourself and move on.

Sometimes it can take quite a while to reach this point. Accepting the breakup and coming to terms with why it happened is very different from actually forgiving your ex and—more importantly—yourself, so don't rush it. You will get there, and when you do, you will know that you have well and truly moved on.

Ways to Cope With Your Breakup

Nobody can predict exactly how long it will take for the pain to go away, and every person is different, but here are some general tips to help you get through your breakup.

Remember the good times and all that the relationship taught you.

It is really hard when you have created so many memories and shared so many important details of your life with another person. Letting go is not an easy thing to do. The main goal is to understand that yes, your life will change, but this does not mean you have to forget all the good memories and times you shared with a person. This is a part of you and always will be. Remember what this person has taught you and be thankful that you were able to experience the things that you did.

Make an effort to stay healthy throughout the "letting go" process.

You just have to make sure that you keep yourself healthy during these stages. You need to try your best to get advice and support from the people around you. Eat properly. Try to get out of the house and socialize a little.

Don't jump right into another relationship (or rebound sex).

Many people suggest jumping into another relationship or simply seeking rebound sex right after a breakup to get your mind off the other person. I do not suggest that.

At this point, you have many emotions built up, and immediately starting a new relationship will not allow you to heal from this one or give the new relationship a fair shot. So give yourself time. Get to know yourself. Discover what makes you happy and try to be strong. Many times after a big breakup, we discover things about ourselves that we weren’t even aware of.

Find a new hobby.

Now's the time to test out that new activity you've been dying to try. Be it baking or boxing, diving into something new can really take your mind off of your ex. Learning something new stimulates your brain and helps start the rebuilding process. It will also boost your self-esteem because you will realize that you are capable of anything you put your mind to. Here are some of the best hobbies to try after a breakup:

Listen to music.

Lean on your friends and family.

When dealing with the roller coaster of emotions involved in recovering from a breakup, it's key to rely on those around you. Whether you reach out for a shoulder to cry on or someone to scream from the rooftops with, spending time with your friends and family can really boost your mood when you're feeling low.

While it can be tempting to spend your time alone, and you may even avoid your friends because you don't want to be a "downer," your true friends will be there for you through thick and thin. They'll understand your pain and want to do anything they can to make you feel better.

Your friends will always be there for you, so don't hesitate to ask them for help. | Source

Let yourself cry.

Crying after a breakup is totally normal, so if it feels like the tears need to flow, let them. Keeping your emotions bottled up can often make things worse and lead to an uncontrollable outburst at a later date (like the first time you see your ex after the split—yikes!). Having a good cry can be extremely cathartic even when you aren't dealing with something stressful like a breakup, so it's even more helpful when you are.

Know that you cannot make someone love you.

After all is said and done, if you still feel that this relationship has a chance, then maybe you and the other person can work on it. But remember you cannot make another person love you.

Give them the time and the space they require to get their head straight as well. They have gone through this breakup too, and I am sure they are feeling a whole bunch of different emotions. We have to remember that. We tend to be selfish when it comes to these things. This person might be going through the same thing as you. Being overly persistent and clingy is just going to push them away even more.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Just because a relationship did not work out does not make you a bad person, and it's important to avoid negative self-talk that reinforces that belief (or ones like it). Going through a breakup does not mean that nobody will ever love you again.

Maybe you did try your best to do all you could for the other person. When you are with another person, remember you are part of a couple. A couple is two people, and you are only one of the two. You can only do what you can do, just like the other person can only do what they can do.

If you truly love a person, you should want what is best for them. It would not be fair to make a person stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling to them. It does not mean that you are lacking something (maybe they are lacking something within themselves) and no matter how many things you did for them or no matter how much you loved them, they will never find the satisfaction they are looking for.

Allow yourself time to heal.

Unfortunately, there's no magic number when it comes to breakups—no one can say how exactly how long it will take to process your thoughts and feelings. It could take anywhere from weeks to months to heal completely, but it's important not to rush yourself.

Give yourself the time required to heal. Let your emotions out and address them. Do not try to pretend like you are okay if you really aren't; this will just prolong the process. Remember that time heals all wounds!

Tell yourself you deserve to be happy (and really believe it).

This is the most important piece of advice I have for you, but it's also the hardest one to follow. Letting go of feelings that you aren't good enough or that you aren't worthy of love can be almost as hard as letting go of your ex, but it is absolutely necessary. Just because someone might have stopped loving, you should never stop you from loving yourself. So tell yourself—every day—that you deserve to be happy (and believe it!).

In your opinion, what is the hardest stage of a breakup?

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

Questions & Answers

Questions must be on-topic, written with proper grammar usage, and understandable to a wide audience.

Question:

My husband left me on March 15, 2019 after 17 years together. My main problem right now is I’m still crying a lot, almost every day and I want to stop. I want the crying to stop and I don’t know how. How can I stop crying over my ex-husband?

Answer:

It is natural for you to still be crying. You spent many years of your life together. This is a very new break up and you need time to grieve. Give it time. Make sure you're taking care of yourself and doing things that you love and the crying will stop when you are naturally ready.

We were best friends. I can't fathom a life without him. I don't know how to deal with the fact that I will never speak to him or see him again. It feels like death but worse because it is voluntary withdrawal and rejection. How do I deal with these feelings of rejection?

Answer:

I know exactly how you feel because that happened to me. It does feel like the end of the world and you cannot imagine how life will go on now that he is out of your life. Nothing that I am going to tell you right now will make the pain stop right at this moment because we need time to heal and deal with the fact that our lives will change, but I know for a fact that you will survive and you will get through it and like any pain one day it will be a distant memory and you would have forgotten how bad you were feeling. Just know that there is so much out there in the world and you can and will find something even stronger and more fulfilling than what you have now. I know that you probably do not believe that now, but with every breakup, you learn something about yourself and it becomes a growth experience. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and adapt to your new existence but know that this is just temporary and that you need to take care of yourself mentally and physically.

Hello, I am sorry you are going through this. It is completely normal to sometimes feel that we are the main cause of a break-up. Truth be told that is not what is important at the moment. Both you and your partner are going to hold some responsibility in the break-up. I am sure neither of you is perfect. Obviously, something was not right in the relationship which caused the split, but you should not feel guilty about that. There are always going to be problems in a relationship and staying in a healthy relationship requires work on both parts. Communicating your problems, issues and concerns are what keeps the relationship growing and going strong. If you feel that you played a bigger part in the reasoning behind the breakup, try to figure out why and try to work on that part of yourself. Sometimes these situations can help us to grow and learn more about ourselves. Do not beat yourself up about this breakup. We live and we learn, this is the truth, Good luck to you.

My boyfriend of 5 years ended it 3 weeks ago because he thinks he’s gay. I had no signs anything was wrong. He was always the perfect partner in every way. I feel angry because it feels like he’s lied for the last five years. How do I stop feeling angry and upset?

Answer:

It seems as though your boyfriend is trying to figure something out within himself. I understand the anger you may be feeling but just because he thinks he may be gay it does not mean he doesn't love you or that his love was not true. We sometimes have to accept letting go for the benefit of the other person. Give him a little space and allow him to figure his feelings out. It will be better for both of you.

My wife left me a month ago after 14 years of being together. I’ve spent the last month agonizing, crying, feeling guilty and feeling the lowest ever. I had some good news about a new job & I feel a lot more optimistic. It is normal just to feel your mood improve even after you’re the one who’s been rejected? I was also upset about my wife potentially meeting someone else. This is fading a bit too. Is this normal?

Answer:

We all grieve on our own terms and our own time. Initially I think what gets us the most is the rejection and the shock of the split. It usually hits us all pretty hard. I am not sure the circumstances of your relationship, but maybe you had your chance to accept the fact that this relationship is over and now you may realize that it could be for the best. It may have just happened that you received your good news during the same time you were coming to this realization. It probably also lifted your spirits and help you to realize that things will be okay. If you accept that the relationship is over, you are also going to accept that your wife will most likely find someone else just as you will most likely find someone else as well. Sometimes when we split it is actually for the best. It does not mean that we no longer care about the person, but maybe things just are not able to be worked out and best for both people.

Me and my boyfriend have been together and co-existing in the same house for 12 years. I finally put him out now I feel like I want him back. Do you think this is because he is talking to another girl or do you think its just me feeling a certain way because I know he is really gone? Every time I think about him I get this bad feeling like I miss him but when he was here I paid him no attention.

Answer:

I think that you are probably feeling some jealousy because you were so used to him being yours and him being with you. You will definitely need time to adjust to the change. Obviously there were issues in the relationship. I am not sure what your issues were but change is always hard and always an adjustment. If things were not working before they will not work now. They will not work until you fix the issues and work together to rebuild the relationship if that's what you want. Give yourself some time to try to decipher if what you are feeling is jealousy or if you really want to put in the hard work and effort it takes to rebuild the relationship.

My husband has left twice in 1 year, and now he wants us to buy a house together. How can we when I don’t trust that he will not bail again?

Answer:

I totally understand why you would question this. In my opinion I wouldn't go ahead and purchase a house together until you feel secure in the relationship again. Definitely do not rush back in. He should understand this and your concerns.

My girlfriend of 9 months left me on 8 October 2019 because she thought I cheated on her. Then I told her that it was a joke. I didn't cheat on her. But she doesn't believe me. Should I be angry or should I be understanding because I lied to her?

Answer:

I totally understand why she is upset. Usually, people do not lie about something like that. She probably doesn't know if she should believe you. If you really didn't cheat on her and want her back you will have to prove it to her. You shouldn't be angry with her. When someone is cheated trust is lost, same with lies. Give her time to trust you again.

My ex left me for someone else and lied to her about a lot of things. If she knew it would end their relationship - I don’t want my ex back but I have this overwhelming need for “revenge” - why should he get happy ever after?

Answer:

Though you may feel the need for revenge getting in the middle of their relationship probably would not work out the way you are hoping. More than likely she will think you're just being spiteful. I would let it go because if they are meant to be then they will be. Sometimes we don't realize that the end of a relationship is really a blessing and allows us to find the relationship that is really supposed to be. Relationships don't always work out but they always teach us something. So though your ex did not turn out the way you had hoped revenge would not solve anything. Just focus on yourself and let him be and good things will happen for you.

I actually broke up with my boyfriend because he doesn’t have time for me. He works every day and rarely speaks to me but I’m still finding it hard to move on even though I wanted the break. What can I do?

Answer:

You have to think about the reasons why you broke up with him in the first place. You were obviously not feeling like things were going the way you would have liked them to be. But you cared for this person so if course you will feel sadness. You just have to take your time in healing ai you can then be able to pursue what you want in your next relationship.

I'm a woman. I was married to another woman for 3 years, she was my best friend, we always hung out, did everything together, but because of circumstances, we realized that we couldn't give each other what we needed, and I'm finding men attractive, she however lives with me and it hurts seeing her cause i want to hug her. Will this pain end?

Answer:

Yes eventually the pain will end but in my opinion living together is probably not the best idea when you are initially trying to move on from each other. Maybe in the future you will be able to have a friendship but you need time apart in order to heal and understand your own feelings. The pain will take much longer to end if you are in this situation.

Comments

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AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

6 days agofrom West Palm Beach

Hello, thank you for sharing. I think that maybe because you expeceted him to come back after a little bit, and becausen he didn't you may have felt even more hurt. I know that it hurts, but as more time goes by and you start living your new norm, you will start to feel better. The relationship was not healthy to begin with if you guys broke up 8 times. You are better off grieving, and then making yourself strong enough for a new healthy relationship. Break ups usually are a great time for us to learn about ourselves and to realize what we want out of a partner. Good luck to you.

Jocelyn C

2 weeks ago

He broke up with me 3 months ago for the 8th time. Normally, he would come back a week or two later, now he didn’t. I seemed to be doing ok the first month in a half but now I feel so depressed and sad, can’t stop crying. I’m afraid of never feeling better. Not sure why I feel this way instead of feeling better. I feel like my world is falling apart

harmony bonner

2 months ago

My family has ruined everything for me and I mean everything my mum and her husband Paul they are both slackers and threateners and I have been raised by a really horrible family because with every boyfriend I have had so far I had to break up with because of the age diffrents and my surrport worker and people at my work and my horrbile demon family which I don't have a boyfriend anymore me and him are just friends now and because they all have been slacked and threatened by these two horrible Pepole in my family and they are mum and her horrible husband Paul . Everyone else can have one but I can't and it is really unfair I am really sick if it now and mostly I am sick of the slacking and the theatening it has it stop and plus the name calling too . By Harmony Bonner

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

4 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hello Mike you have to understand that she may want to make it work but she may still have some insecurities and issues with trust since you were acting cold to her. If you want it to work you both are going to have to put in the work to bring back that spark. It is not just going to magically happen because you are back together. You have to prove to her that you want to be with her and that you are willing to make her feel special and worthy. If you are not interested in doing those things then maybe it is time to move on and let her move on as well. But if you want to be together, put in the effort, it will be worth it.

Mike

4 months ago

So I got my wife to give us another chance after a separation and she’s basically been extremely cold and distant to me. I should mention the cause of the separation was I had grown distant and became cold to her. My question- is she simply just out for revenge or should I give her more time we were separated for about a month and have bin back together for two weeks

Not a mutual "breakup," but I got dumped after a 2-year relationship. She found another man and "fell for him," and we have been doing our split mostly via text, which I think is horrible. After going round and round with blame and anger for a couple of weeks, I have made it clear I want no more contact. She will send messages saying she's sorry, still loves me, and misses me. It elicits an eruption of hope, which I know is false and would be foolish to pursue. The hardest part for me is knowing that she essentially put another character in my role, and her movie just keeps going. She's very cavalier about it, and it hurts...badly. I don't have a question so much as I was shocked to see how accurately these steps of grieving have described my thoughts and actions. I haven't begged or tried sabotage, but the outline is spot on, and it has helped me see where I am "normal" and where I need to discern the line of going "too far." Thank you for this. It's been priceless. Now I need to cry and watch a good Ryan Reynolds movie or something.

Joe

4 months ago

My spouse gave up on me after one argument

Todd

8 months ago

I am working through he steps here myself right now and I'm again surprised how much of this is resonating with me now.I dated a woman earlier this year and it was the first time in a serious relationship since my divorce almost 2 years ago. I completely fell in love with her and we started spending a lot of time with one another - trips - every weekend essentially. Basically lived at my house. A few months in after some really strange occurrences on evening we were apart, I learned that she had an alcohol problem.As I learned more I found out this was not just a "problem" she was a full blown alcoholic.

We split up briefly but always kept in touhc and ever since she's been in and out of my life for months now. I think we are finally through but I haven't been able to get over her. Shes the first woman I have totally come clean with about being truly in love with and now she's gone. I cannot get her back and honestly that's probably best but I'm so scared that when and if she comes running back again that I'd actually take her back and again self destruct.

This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with when someone continues to tell you over and over how much they love you and need you then the next day turns their back on everything you thought you had together.

As I read more of this article I learned this really isn't me, it's her issue and no matter what I say, no matter what I do, no matter what I try this is over. I have to let this go, despite the pain I'm still feeling.

Never knew this could be so hard. Sad to say too but this is 10 times worse then my divorce ever was.

Anonymous

8 months ago

This is my 4th break up I feel like crap he hurt me and I want to move on have no friends where I live what can I do feel do lonely

Anonymous

12 months ago

I've just gone through a second break up in a short space of a year. I ended my previous relationship and four years because I found out she was cheating. Got into another relationship 3 months later, found her flirting with guys and also fooling around but forgave her. A year later she is still flirting with other guys. I put an end to it but feel like crap. Life feels so unfair. I feel like I won't ever find the right partner. I keep blaming myself as this is the second failed relationship.

Anonymous

12 months ago

I've just gone through a second break up in a short space of a year. I ended my previous relationship after

four years because I found out she was cheating. Got into another relationship 3 months later, found her flirting with guys and also fooling around but forgave her. A year later she is still flirting with other guys. I put an end to the relationship but feel like crap. Life feels so unfair. I feel like I won't ever find the right partner. I keep blaming myself as this is the second failed relationship. Any advice for my situation?

Hailee

13 months ago

I am still friends with my ex and i don't know if I should mention the relationship to my ex at all. Should I, or not?

Shane1251

14 months ago

I dated a girl off and on for almost a year. She was a recovering addict and had a lot of manipulative tendencies. She would give you the silent treatment if you upset her, she got mad at you for apologizing or explaining yourself, she projected a lot of the bad things she did on to you and made you feel like you did them. I was really in love with her, but knew it was unhealthy and kept getting back with her.

We would date for 2-3 months and then she would usually have a freak out about it getting serious or get mad about something completely bizarre I didn't understand. Then we'd usually do a month off and I'd reach out and we'd start hanging out again.

I would often ask her to hang out and she would say that she just didn't feel like hanging out with anyone didn't have to do with me, then the next day she would hang out with someone else.

We broke up the 2nd time in October and started talking again in December. She said she was having a rough time and needed a friend and pressured me to being her friend. I was unsure, and told her she really hurt me and I'd always want to get back together.

Eventually we started hanging out again in January. We exchanged birthday presents and she got me a great gift and I was overwhelmed with feelings. I then told her I still have feelings and I want to be there for her but I want to get back together, she refused to say whether or not she had feelings for me and got angry that I'd even ask. She kept saying she wasn't interested in dating ANYONE.

We did this dance for about a month and a half and then it came to a head. I got back from vacation and asked her if she wanted to do something. She suggested getting ice cream, I said okay. The morning of she suggests we go to pilates instead. I say I'd rather do ice cream the original plan cuz I wanted to talk and catch up. She's pissed. Says we will talk about it at ice cream. I show up and she launches into calling me manipulative, making us do what I want, that I'm not nice I just pretend to be nice and it makes her feel icky. Then she tells me she's been seeing someone else.

I was devastated and at first angry, but then got pathetic and desperate to win her affection. I told her my therapist said to write a letter (I didn't ask my therapist) and then in my later I just Gave in to her every whim. I said we should have gone to pilates, that I am manipulative etc. Even though it's not true. She had manipulated me.

She texted me 2 days after I sent the letter and said she wished me well but we shouldn't talk to each other ever again.

I know it's for the best but I feel weirdly guilty about my lie about my therapist saying the letter was a good idea, and I feel so much shame and embarrassment about my pathetic letter. I'm embarrassed that I lusted after someone and tried so hard for someone who probably was never that interested. I went to meetings with her, I read about addiction, I listened to all the music she wanted me to, I sent flowers and presents, and just went crazy. She clearly took advantage of me, but here I am feeling bad for her. I've started to go back to therapy and talk through it. But I'm worried I'll never feel better.

Joe

14 months ago

I dated a girl off and on for almost a year. She was a recovering addict and had a lot of manipulative tendencies. She would give you the silent treatment if you upset her, she got mad at you for apologizing or explaining yourself, she projected a lot of the bad things she did on to you and made you feel like you did them. I was really in love with her, but knew it was unhealthy and kept getting back with her.

We would date for 2-3 months and then she would usually have a freak out about it getting serious or get mad about something completely bizarre I didn't understand. Then we'd usually do a month off and I'd reach out and we'd start hanging out again.

I would often ask her to hang out and she would say that she just didn't feel like hanging out with anyone didn't have to do with me, then the next day she would hang out with someone else.

We broke up the 2nd time in October and started talking again in December. She said she was having a rough time and needed a friend and pressured me to being her friend. I was unsure, and told her she really hurt me and I'd always want to get back together.

Eventually we started hanging out again in January. We exchanged birthday presents and she got me a great gift and I was overwhelmed with feelings. I then told her I still have feelings and I want to be there for her but I want to get back together, she refused to say whether or not she had feelings for me and got angry that I'd even ask. She kept saying she wasn't interested in dating ANYONE.

We did this dance for about a month and a half and then it came to a head. I got back from vacation and asked her if she wanted to do something. She suggested getting ice cream, I said okay. The morning of she suggests we go to pilates instead. I say I'd rather do ice cream the original plan cuz I wanted to talk and catch up. She's pissed. Says we will talk about it at ice cream. I show up and she launches into calling me manipulative, making us do what I want, that I'm not nice I just pretend to be nice and it makes her feel icky. Then she tells me she's been seeing someone else.

I was devastated and at first angry, but then got pathetic and desperate to win her affection. I told her my therapist said to write a letter (I didn't ask my therapist) and then in my later I just Gave in to her every whim. I said we should have gone to pilates, that I am manipulative etc. Even though it's not true. She had manipulated me.

She texted me 2 days after I sent the letter and said she wished me well but we shouldn't talk to each other ever again.

I know it's for the best but I feel weirdly guilty about my lie about my therapist saying the letter was a good idea, and I feel so much shame and embarrassment about my pathetic letter. I'm embarrassed that I lusted after someone and tried so hard for someone who probably was never that interested. I went to meetings with her, I read about addiction, I listened to all the music she wanted me to, I sent flowers and presents, and just went crazy. She clearly took advantage of me, but here I am feeling bad for her. I've started to go back to therapy and talk through it. But I'm worried I'll never feel better.

GDK

14 months ago

IT"S MOB AROUND HERE

Amy P.

14 months ago

I can't cope with the pain of my break up. Can't eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can't sleep without sleeping pills or wine. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

15 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Olivia, thank you for responding. I am happy that the article gave you encouragement. I know it must be hard to still have feeling for each other, but if he is married to another woman now I think it is best that you let him go. Since you have children, you will have a bond for the rest of your lives, but unless something changes in his home situation, pursuing anything more would not be fair to his new wife or to you being the other woman. My best advice is to leave the romantic part in the past and eventually you will find a new love. Good luck to you.

olivia

15 months ago

Thank you for such advises .you have encouraged me .mine is now 5yrs we broke but both us still have the feelings .he married another wife but he always send reconciliation messages.i feel pain and we have two beautiful girls.what should i do.

Francis

16 months ago

Still feeling empty and looking for answers. The worst part is that she went right into a new relationship with a person that works for me. Don't ever date someone you work with or are in a position of authority over. I have to make decisions that directly effect them. Sucks!

Sagat

16 months ago

All the information is correct i gone through this and still miss her alot

But the worst part is my friends left me after i had depression and my family ignore me all the time because they are busy living their own.

big chungus

16 months ago

you missed the part about big chungus

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

16 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hello, I am sorry you are going through this. In my opinion it is not fair to you to be in a relationship like this. You do not deserve to feel the coldness and emptiness that he is showing you. If I were you I would break it off for now and figure out what you both want and if you decided to get back together in the future great, but you can't just sit there waiting and hope that he decides he is in love with you again. You could be in another relationship in which you have all the love and respect you deserve and desire.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 6 months now. Our relationship has been rocky. I felt that he could me more empathetic and less dismissive. It felt like he was unaware, unable to or just doesnt care. He then expressed to me that he is loves me very much, but not in love with me,but that he doesnt want us to break up. He hopes with time he can fall in love with me again. His lack of empathy, inability to compromise and his coldness makes me feel empty and unhappy. I'm not sure if I can stay in hopes of him falling in love with me again. He said it has been months that he has lost the feeling of being in love, and it definately shows by the way he interacts with me. I feel like I cant compartmentalize my thoughts and I cant make sense of what is the best option to make for my happiness. I love him so much. Advice?

Darren1970

17 months ago

Hi there.

My wife and I have been married 5 Yrs this July. We split up 2 days before this new year's eve and it's absoloutely killing me. She told me she wants no contact and she will never go back with me.

I was in a relationship for 21 years before, wasn't married and have 2 lovely daughters and 2 lovely grandchildren. My wife was in a abusive marriage for 21 years and when she divorced him she was single for 5 years till she met me. We got married within 2 years. We have split up 4 times now and I've always pleaded her that things will be different. But after a while always went back the same. But our family's got really involved my mother and sister fell out with her and I never stood by her like I should of done. She has 5 kids which youngest is 23 and 2 eldest are 31. The 26 year old who lives with us and the 23 Yr old and he's partner live there as well. The 26 Yr old has 4 kids lives with us and pays no rent or anything. He works nights and supports he's family who live in Devon. He's lived there 2 Yrs and its been non stop arguing all the time. She said I've chipped away and she told me time and time again that she would just finish it if I carried on. And that was 2 days before New year's eve when she had enough. I've left her messages and missed calls and she phoned me 2 nights ago after listening to them and was crying on phone saying she feels dead inside and she doesn't believe a word in saying and doesn't think I can change. I love my wife to bits and am truly heart broken. I can hardly eat. Can't sleep properly. And then this morning I drove to her job and spoke to her for 5 mns and told her ill change and be a decent person she wants and more loving. She said go doctors. Get counselling then she might talk in a few weeks. But there is no guarantee she'll go back with me. Cos her kids hate me and she's sticking by them..

Shankumar

17 months ago

Thank.You.Good post

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

17 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Yaroslav thank you for sharing your story. I see that there is a lot going on. It seems as though she is not sure how she feels at the moment. I think that you may need to step back for a little bit and give her time to figure out what it is she really wants. If you are together and she is not being faithful and giving you her all, then it would not be fair to you. If you can not trust her then the relationship will never work. Again, I think give her some time and space and then talk and figure out what it is that each of you want and expect from the relationship. Good luck to you.

Yaroslav

17 months ago

Hey! I was dating with my girlfriend for 2 months, but we knew each other for a year and 3 months before, and both of us felt, there was something between us, but because of distance we tried it really late. During that time I was falling in and out of love with her, but when we finnaly started dating, I felt, thats the person I want to spend my lifetime with, have family and children. I gave everything I could in this relationship. But at some point, I started feeling, like I give much more than I receive and I started being jealous and remembering her about her past relationships, that happenned during time we already knew each other and I knew, that she liked me. I told her, that she probably loved that guy more than me, because when I wanted to kiss her, she refused me, because she had a boyfriend, and during our relationships, when she went out, I was calling, texting her, trying to reach her out by any possible means, until 4 a.m., but she told she was at a party and didnt check the phone, this was the first time we had a big fight. That night she kissed other guy, but never told me about it. On our Skype call, she told me, she is not sure, that she wants to be with me, even though 1-2 weeks ago everything was perfect, and she texted me she misses me so much and waits for me to come to visit. Then we met after a week and had a deal to try to work it out. But then I found out, that on that night, she didnt respond, she actually kissed with a guy, that she liked from before and it wasnt just a stupid drunk thing, but rather a plan, that she implemented, even though she told, she didnt feel much and that she shouldnt have done it, but I was very angry and I told her, that its over, when she tried to talk, I just turned my back on her and left, telling her, what do you want from me, to ever love you again? But the fact is, that I have never stopped loving her. After another week or two with no communication I decided to have a final talk with her, to give our relationships another chance, but she told she isnt sure about her feelings and the same story can happen again, and she doesnt want to hurt me again. I can not understand why all of this happenned, I tried my best, but she wanted to stay with a guy, who previously dumped her, even though she told me that it was not even a relationships, but rather fun, with no future, but with me, person, she told we are meant to be together, because we fit so perfect to each other, she refused me after a couple of little fights and stupid things from my side and made out with other guy, because she allegedly fell in love with him, but then she told it was just something irrational she had done, which she lack in our relationships. How can you ever exchange our love story and the way how I treated her, with all the support and love for a stupid kiss? I am still confused, I already understand, that we are not going to be together anymore, even if she will agree to try some things out, after all of what I have lived through and all of those quarrels. I keep on checking her whatsapp status, last night she stazed up until 3 a.m., and my crazy mind automatically build a picture of her to have sex with her coworker she kissed on that night, even though she told me she never meant to have anything with him, just a stupid kiss, but I feel like I am person she loved the least, with doing it for the first time in her life (cheating on somebody) and I loved her the most out of everybody. So thats why I am hurt even more. What if she still hangs out with him and has sex? I want to clear things so much. I am so down, I dont know what to do

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

17 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi J. I think that one day maybe you can be friends again because you have the mutual love and respect for each other, maybe even more than that again one day, but for now being friends would just be too hard. It will not give either of you the time you need to heal. Though it feels like right now you are just trying to do things to keep your mind off of your ex, day by day it will get easier.

J

17 months ago

My boyfriend and I broke up almost a month ago. Tomorrow would have been our 1 year anniversary. We broke up because he's going through some serious mental health issues, and he needed some space. I saw him today, and I asked him if he thought we'd ever date again. He said, "No. It's over between us." He said that he'd just fallen out of love with me. But then he also says that he misses me tremendously, and I can see in his eyes how hurt he is...

We're trying to be friends, because as much as this break-up hurts, we didn't end on bad terms and we both very much enjoy each other's company. I'm just feeling so sad, alone, and confused. I don't need him to want to get back together with me, but it hurts to know that my lingering feelings of intense love and care aren't reciprocated.

I don't have a lot of other friends where I am (I have tons at home, but I'm away at school right now), so I feel even lonelier. I've been trying to socialize, but the people I consider friends here are flaking on me despite knowing how badly I need this right now... I'm having trouble keeping myself busy right now, and all I can think about is the next time I'll see my ex. This is hard, and it's my first serious break-up. I'm so lost.

Ash

17 months ago

Hi. I’m a little taken back. I dated a guy for 2 months.. started falling for him... we spent the whole weekend together and he said he felt like we were getting closer.. smiles laughs hugs... deep conversations.. intimacy.. between the two of us... he texted me telling me I was beautiful... then hours later texted me saying the thought he was ok and over his ex.. but he’s not.. then he blocked me from messaging him back and unfollowed me from Instagram... I messaged him on Instagram asking for clarification and he said he wishes he had met me before his ex and that he hadn’t seen or heard from her.. he just isn’t over her.. it just hurt so much because I thought he was the one! Just feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I’m trying to focus on me but it’s so hard to focus on anything but him and I feel dumb for feeling this way. I wish we could have talked about this in person... but I really feel he didn’t want to lead me on... and didn’t feel he was strong enough to tell me in person which might be why he didn’t also block me on Instagram... the following day I messaged him on Instagram.. no response.. he hasn’t even read my message!! I’m just hurt

Chinese girl

17 months ago

i am going through the same right now. My bf left me few days back because he believes too much in astrology and religions and his grandfather said i will not be a good match for him as they may suffer financial problems if we marry and then one of us may die. We both still love each other a lot and we both cried post breakup but he says he is leaving me because we dont have a good future together according to his grandfather.

After two years of being together its very difficult for me to accept that he left me for such reason.

Please help me as inspite of knowing that i will have to forget him now but i cant stop going back to him.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

17 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Good advice Nicole, thank you for sharing.

Nichole

17 months ago

Feeling not good enough after a break up is normal. You can cry anytime you want. But after that, you must love yourself, take care of yourself. Do whatever you love and enjoy life. Because you are enough, we are all enough in God's eyes. Thanks for sharing.

Miodrag

18 months ago

I am really confused. About a month ago i broke up with my girlfriend, we agreed we wouldn't hear or see each other for 2 months so we can think about our relationship as a whole and decide whether to continue or put a stop to it. A month has passed and im confused about not feeling anything, it's like im stuck in one place and can't move, don't know what to think. I hate feeling nothing, i don't understand why im not hurting. Maybe because i don't think the relationship is over or im in shock. What do you think ? Thanks in advance.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

18 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Fay, I am sorry you are feeling sad. Sometimes we just cannot understand why someone else feels the way they do. All we can do is assure ourselves that we can move on and find happiness again. You may not see it now, but if he is acting like that so early on in the relationship then you probably saved yourself a lot of heartache in the future. Open yourself up to meeting new people. Good luck.

Fay

18 months ago

Hi. About a year ago i met this guy who was my colleague and it was love in the first sight i always knew he liked me but i couldn’t understand why he doesnt step up.. he showed me that he is into me by looking at me and getting my phone number and so on .. he was older than me like 17 years and he was divorced too .. but i really liked him and he shared those things with me as obstacles that he didnt step up sooner i asured him that its fine cause i like him and he admitted that he likes me back .. we went out twice and had great time by texting each other and so .. ive had the best time of my life but suddenly he stopped texting me .. it was all me who was asking about his day and..lately he was just telling me that we will talk later and so on.. finally i asked him is something wrong? Ithink i should stop texting u cause it seems like u dont care and out of nowhere he replied yes u can!!! And u should!! I wasnt sure what’s happening but he was so cool about it and i was so confused i told him that i dont know whats heppening so is it over and he said i guess!!! Just out of nowhere..

I really liked him and i knew that he liked me too but i cant understand what really happend and that felling is killing me .. he was so calm and so ok and i had no idea whats going on .. im really having a bad time right now and i afraid of future .. I thought he liked me..i dont know what to do im totally sad ..

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

18 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi hurt woman I know that it is so hard to understand but sometimes we just will not understand. What we need to do is realize that the breakup may have nothing to do with us and though during the healing process we will hurt, in the end you will be okay and able to love again. We learn something from every relationship and it sucks when we thought we found the right one, but you will see that you will find something even stronger in the future. Good luck to you.

Hurt woman

18 months ago

Hello, I'm still very heartbroken my ex broke up with me a week ago. We were together for 6 months. Had amazing chemistry, I met his family, he told me he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We made so many future plans together. Then for about a week or so I noticed he was distant but was thinking it was because he was sick. Out of the blue he broke up with me saying i wasn't the one. I asked him over and over what I did wrong and he said nothing, just after a while he changed his mind about how he felt about me. I tried asking him for us to work it out but he wouldn't budge. He was a great guy, but i was also the longest relationship he had in 10 years. There are a million things going on in my head, and i can't stop thinking about it, and the awkward last moment we had of walking away from each other.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

18 months agofrom West Palm Beach

@Broken, I am sorry you are feeling that way. It may help to talk to a professional if you have not yet been able to move on. The one piece of advice I can give you is that you cannot let your ex have a hold over your feelings like that. If you allow yourself to open up you will find that you can let someone else in who can and will love you, but that will not happen until you realize that you are able to love again. Good luck to you.

Broken

18 months ago

Two years after the breakup, and i'm still suffering

I have no left love or feelings for anyone else

I feel like my ex really ruined my life

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

19 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Sadness, thank you for sharing. It is normal and okay to think about a past relationship and remember the good times. That is what memories are about, but maybe you also have to start allowing yourself to realize that it is very possible to find happiness and love again. The first thing you have to make sure of is that you are happy with yourself. Being single and without a relationship is not a bad thing. It is a time to grow and learn about yourself. It is a time to love yourself and that will make you that much more ready for a new relationship. Figure out what you love doing alone, and then once you have that down you can start looking for that special someone. Hey you never know when that special someone will come along. Good luck to you.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

19 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Cho, thank you for sharing and I am so sorry you are going through this. Sometimes we just do not understand and nothing really will make us understand. But realize that sometimes we just cannot change the way a person feels. One piece of advice I have for you is to definitely give him his space. I know it is hard not to think about all of the good things and the what ifs, remember that is normal. Give yourself time to grieve. We cannot answer why this has happened or why he hasn't called. The important thing to remember is that you will get through this whether together or not and you will be happy again one day. I am sure of that. Good luck to you.

Cho T

19 months ago

My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago... We have been together for 7 years... I cannot cope with the pain I'm going through... We had our problems but I was already to be his girl forever.. I'm trying to get myself on track.. But I cant do it.. I lost my life, home and boyfriend withing 24hr... I cannot cope right now... I have times where I think I'm OK.. But then I crumble... We have 2 dogs togetherand he said I can see them anytime I want.. He did not want his key back... I'm really struggling to understand it all.. I've been thinking about our wedding.. I've pick our our first dance song. I'm absolutely breaking... I just don't know what to do... I miss him so much... The pain I feel I don't wish on my anyone... I really cannot cope.. Why has he not called... Why has this happened...

Sadness love

20 months ago

My ex-gf and i broke up about 2 years ago from a 1 year relationship. I had already gone through all the stages but i would start to miss her from time to time. I told myself that i forgiven her and accept that the relationship is long gone. Ever since the break up, i feel empty, numbness, emotionless, even after 2 years already. I feel like there's no love in this world anymore, like i dont want to love or be love by anyone anymore. I spent my day doing thing emotionless and sometime get a little sadness but that feeling go away within minutes. I still wonder to this day, why and how do i still feel emotionless, empty and cant seem to find happiness anywhere.

Alice

20 months ago

My boyfriend and I broke up last week. The process was long. One thing I learned is that you cannot control how someone feels. Even though the break up was tough, I don’t feel upset. Unfortunately we had to end and all in all letting go is the best thing. we fought hard and long but we didn’t save us. Letting go was hard but why don’t I feel bad? I’m not grieving or crying. I feel kinda empty but not really.I still love and care for him very much but I don’t feel sad. Is there something wrong with me not feeling the way i should?

Smile Stephen Monyror

20 months ago

I have experience this for the first time and I suffered a lot, crying,loneliness, stead of confusion, while I was sick.

I was feeling that I will not be alive again because I thought it had never happened to someone as it happened to me.

I spent two full week crying but now am suffering of DREAMING about her giving me sleeplessness at night.

Dani

20 months ago

The breakup was sudden. He messaged me in the morning saying he loved me so much then a couple hours later hes telling me we're done

Bruce_NZ

20 months ago

My partner and I just broke up, well sort of. I am feeling really sad. She still wants us to do things together, we were/are planning to ride a big bike ride next year for 6 weeks. She still wants to take me to her home country, doing weekend training rides. She just cant do " the couple" thing. This past weekend is the first time since we started seeing each other that I have not seen her. She is going away next weekend and wants me to look after her dog, cats, and fish. I normally stay at her place when I do that. I don't want to lose her, but I also not sure if I can cope with just being friends.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

21 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Mekia, thank you for your comment. Yes you will be able to let go. It takes some time and healing but will come. Stay strong and keep healthy. Talk to friends and allow yourself the time you need. Trust me, you will get through this. Good luck to you!

Mekia

21 months ago

I am going thru the stages now at first i thought something was wrong with me fir crying over a man like i was but i see now im right on track its hard losing someone you in love with but are you truely ever able to let go.

Ian H

21 months ago

I felt these emotions before, and going through them again right now. Though I seem to drift between the stages, but slowly moving down the list. But actually reading the stages, identifying and connecting gives me strength to feel that I'm not so unique and getting better. Wonderfully articulated. Thank you

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

22 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi thank you so much for your comment. Well it seems to me that you are already certain that this relationship is over. There is definitely no reason to keep her hanging on it will only hurt more in the end. If you are going to end it you have to end all ties because it would lead her to think that there is a chance and if you are sometimes hanging out and only make her feelings stronger. My advice would be to let her know that you respect her and want the best for her, though it is not you. And let her go for good or until at least she has moved on.

Bill

22 months ago

Hello Jenn, great article! I have an issue with my current girlfriend, we're together for one year but since I was in my country working she studied her masters abroad and things gotten worse since then, I know that she loves me so much as if her life depends on me, unfortunately I cannot accept that kind of love because we're uncertain about our marriage and if things don't go our way I know she will hurt so much. Currently our relationship is in very bad state because I told her that I'm focused on my work and need space not any relationship. So I said lets breakup (it was really hard to say that), but she refused, begging for another chance and I agreed in order to let her adapt in life without me (I told her we will not hangout often because I'm busy). For me, the relationship is already ended but she still thinks she has a chance and when the day comes to tell her it's over I don't know how she'll react, I fear she'll do crazy things like following me or hurting herself. Can you give me a piece of advice please? thanks in advance!

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

23 months agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Harper, I am happy you found comfort in this. It is hard to deal with, but it is true, sometimes these heartaches are blessings in disguise. We all grow and learn from our relationships. I wish you the best of luck.

Harper

23 months ago

After 3 year and looking at engagement rings it has come to an end. Thank you for this article. It has served me comfort that I have alot to look forward to and this shall come to past. If anything I think Im going to get some major energy, motivation and confidence out of this break up. It sounds crazy and weird but unicorns happens in the death of things.

John1067

2 years ago

Thank you for this. After 18 years and two kids, my wife broke the bad news to me that she was unhappy with me and decided/wants to part ways. I am going through all these emotions and got a hard road ahead. Hope thiis pain goes away and that If we both remaine apart, that we can both find happiness. I am now feeling, probley all the above about now, scared to death. Thinking about my kids in all this but yes, going through all the emotions.

Connie

2 years ago

thank you for this. I've been going through all the motions. I can relate to all of this. and some days I do revert back to previous emotions.

Roses

2 years ago

I know this seems kind of unrelated, but like I like someone and there’s a chance that he quite likes me back but I’m not going to see him for so long and everyday feels like my heart is dying..? Everyday I have to go to the places where we hung out and everything keeps flooding back. It hasn’t even been that long but I can’t do anything. I’ve tried motivational videos, uplifting music, but nothing seems to work as I think “Well we never had a completely solid thing nor did we admit nor did we deliberately break up!” I fell so horrible and I’m going out of my mind, and there’s literally nobody I can chat to about it. What do I do??? I’m going to see him at a party in a few weeks then maybe a few times in the next year. I know I should just wait until the party, but it’s only been one day of waiting and I feel like a mess. Talk about heartbreak...

Julie

2 years ago

Hi Jenn, great article. My ex of 7 months broke up with me 2x in 10 days. The first was over an issue I brought up more than once because it wasn't resolved for me. It was nothing horrible, my approach was not horrible, but he got up and left my house, not wanting to discuss it (I had been feeling a lack of affection/attention from him for apprx a month). He called the next day and ended it, saying it was a bad sign of things to come. FIve days later he called and wanted to work things out, that he has always run from problems and he wanted to change his reaction to issues that may arise. He also said he could probably put more effort into surprising me (I'm guessing he meant like little gifts, flowers, etc. He is not romantic). After our talk that day, he left the country for work (he travels a lot). I was not comfortable with this really, because he is not the best at communicating while gone, and I was still feeling a little insecure from how he had just ended things. However, I really wanted to work it out. So, 3 days into his being gone, I heard from him in the morning and nothing more all day long. By 11pm his time I was upset. I figured he was most likely busy, but a quick text telling me so would have meant so much. I typically don't reach out when he is working, but it got the best of me and I texted him and said that maybe I misunderstood our conversation and that I didn't think I'd hear less from him when he left. Well that did not go over well at all. He came back with he was very busy and he is not going to text me every 4 hours to make sure I am happy in this relationship. That stung! I do not expect that and he knew that. He also said he doesn't think he can meet my communication needs in this relationship. I was pretty hurt with his response and told him I have never asked that of him, but it would have been nice to let me know that he was super busy and we could talk tomorrow. It takes 2 seconds. I went off a little, nothing horrible. I just said if he wants to make this work, let's make it work otherwise go and don't look back, Then I apologized and said I still wanted to talk this out. He texted the next day and ended it again. What could I do? I just said, I agree. That was 2 weeks ago. I miss him, I still want him. There has been no word and I've not contacted him either. I'm just sad but maybe it is for the best.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

2 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Vic thank you for sharing. I know this is a very hard time. The first love is probably the hardest emotionally I would say. It is even twice as hard when we did not even see it coming. There is no easy fix or solution to make you feel better right away. The main thing to think about is that you love the other person and want them happy no matter what. We have no control over how another person feels so sometimes we need to be strong and just let them go. Sometimes they will come back and sometimes we will have learned a lesson and move on. By not messaging her constantly you're actually giving her what she needs so if time is all she needs to think you're better off not contacting her right now. If you contact her while she is asking you not to she will get upset and maybe even frustrated. I know it feels like it's the end of the world, but no matter what happens between you and her you will be okay and you will find somebody else to love. I don't think you have to start a new relationship right away but definitely go out and enjoy yourself. When the time is right you'll either find somebody new or reunite with your ex if that's meant to be. Good luck.

Vic

2 years ago

Hey Jenn, this is an amazing article. My (first ever) girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me yesterday. I am 19. I thought it would be forever. Though we had problems, it really came out of nowhere - I was ill, and busy, and one day she came to my dorm and said that's it. Since then, I have been alone, shocked, shaking, crying, having panic attacks, my heart physically hurts. Of course, reading this piece and others, I realise it will get better. She was such a huge part of my life - my best friend, my only best friend - the closest person to me, who knew my personality, feelings and life inside out. I am willing to give here time - I've said that I won't message her until she wants to talk. I'm just afraid that with each second that goes by, I am drifting further and further away from her life. I made mistakes in our relationship, but of course I still love her. She is my first kiss, my first lover - if anything, my first real friend. I never imagined this would happen - or that it would be this bad. I read things online but my situation feels unique. This year we started uni - she has made new friends, we haven't seen each other as often (though we're still fairly close and saw each other usually once every couple of weeks). I am willing to go through the whole process of healing and ultimately accept the break up and move on - but should I give it one more go? Should I move on, leave her alone, meet other people, but at some point try and try and reintroduce to her the person she once fell in love with? I can't imagine her with someone else. That will honestly kill me. I, as a man, having one life and this being my first love, am not willing to give this easily - in my head it could still work - please some advice and supporting words would be amazing. Sorry for the extremely long story. Vic

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

2 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi lostalone thank you for sharing. Has he given you any reason as to why he left? He does sound pretty confused or not being truthful. If you're going to work it out , he is going to have to at least talk to you and tell you what's going on. It's not fair to have you caught in between without the ability to move on. If he needs some time that's fine but let him know that you're feeling mixed emotions and that it's not fair to you. Good luck.

lostalone

2 years ago

hey my boyfriend decided to take a break from living with me after 5 months i feel happy then sad then happy i dont understand whats going on im afraid i will never get to see him again he keeps saying he misses me and he loves me but is very emotionaly unstable argh this is waring me down i just want him to come home

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

2 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Kathleen, thank you for sharing your story. I know that one day in the near future you will find the right one and when you do you will see how strange the world works sometimes. But even though we go through tough times and hard relationship, I believe they are stepping stones and experiences to help us build something more solid and stronger in the future. Good luck to you!

KATHLEEN

2 years ago

All I know I think that my ex of almost 6 years is self centered. I don't think he gives one thought to me or could care less if I am dead or alive. He, always thinks of himself. Everything has to evolve around him. I have grown to learn that I made a huge mistake staying with him. He did a lot of things that hurt me. He ssid I was the first and only woman he had ever loved. He asked me to marry him and 2 months later, he is packing up all his things and movingg out of state. This seems to be his M.O. no matter where he has lived. He gets fustrated, he can't take it anymore, he needs to get out and move out before he goes crazy. He needs helps and has refused it. At 17 yrs old he last his leg, its his fault driving on the freeway loaded on 20 plus valium, he deserve what he got. I never felt pity on him. Drinking and driving, I lost count on how many D.U.I he has had. He gets addicted to everything and he's proud of it. Its all I ever heard about. He worn me down with the same stories for almostt 6 years, his Sister got Murder, he lost both of hos parents not to much longer after his sister was shot 10 times in the face, so he says. I cauught changes in his stories, I caught him doing things when I would get home from work at 2:00 a.m. I walked into are room and I couldn't believe what I walked into. It killed my trust in him snd I knew I made a huge mistake moving in with him. Yes, I loved him and I do not have any love in my heart for him now. I will never trust him, he's a liar and I always felt and knew he was being sneaky behind my back when I wasn't around. He left me march 4, 2017. I cut off all communication for 6 months, I decided to reach out and say hello. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. He hadn't change at all. I had been working a lot on myself and I will meet the right man and give that msn my heart in due time. Not right away. It will take time and patience. I will not jump into a relationship. Right now, its better to have a friend or friends to go out and do things with a special friend, but not to step over any boundaries that have been set. Time is needed and getting to really know each other and making sure that this is the right person. If they are excepting of the terms and respect my feelings that will be the guy I fall in love with and who will win my heart and all my love. But, Putting 6 years into a person, its going to take some time to work through it all and I am doing that and I am so much happier having him out of my life. He was a real pill to live with and I never got any sleep. Now, I am sleeping a bit better, but now I thinking about School and making a career from home. Going to move into my own place and start completely fresh and new. I think its important I get away from all thee negativity he left in my house. So I am looking for an apartment and so far have found a few that I really like a lot. My family will only know whete I live. Thats it. Anyways, i have grown, change and moved on and I look forawrd to meeting someone to go out to do things with. I am ready for that step and I will never talk about my ex to a new man in my life and I don't want to hear about there ex and either of us tell a bunch of sad stories but to focus on us and our future. Thants whete I am at and I'm proud of myself. There are plenty of good men out there. I'm just going to be smart and the right one will come along. Who is looking for the same thing as I am. I live in San Diego, CA. And it will happen in time. That felt good to write. 100% Honesty...Kathleen

Greg

2 years ago

I am 2 months down the line from a very difficult breakup. My girlfriend of 8 years said she needed space to 'find herself' as she felt lost in our relationship. I found out 1 week later she was seeing another guy (and they are now together). To make things worse he lives across the street and our young children are friends with his young children. I had to leave my family home who I shared with her and our two young girls to get a flat on my own. I now feel very lonely and disconnected from everyone because I have disappeared into my shell and don't want to come out. The fact that this all happened during the Christmas period has made it even worse for me. What I find difficult to accept is how she can move on so quick after 8 years and 2 children together, when I'm still sitting here struggling through every day thinking I will be lonely forever. I will admit we became distant maybe for the last year or so of our relationship but I didn't think it was this bad. If I knew there was ever a chance we would breakup I would have put in a lot more effort to save us but not getting the chance to do that because she had already moved on in her head was / is so heartbreaking. My head is telling me to move on and start enjoying what I used to enjoy however my heart isn't letting me as I just feel so miserable all the time and can't find the energy to even leave the house. I question myself whether it is actually her that I miss or do I just miss being in a relationship? I know myself I have slowly come to terms with it but I feel a long long way off from ever moving on as not a day goes by where I don't feel sad, lonely and anxious.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

2 years agofrom West Palm Beach

I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully she just needs some space. Sometimes when something really emotional going on close to home, people clam up and don't know how to react. If you say the argument was over nothing and your relationship is strong just let her know you will be there for her and let her have her time.

Billy

2 years ago

Im sure this is me right now ,

I broke up 4weeks ago , i feel very lost , sad ,cant eat, sleep, cry, i really miss my ex a lot , we had a littie bust up over notthing , her dad is sick , & she said she wanted time & space on her own ..

Just really want her to come back , so i can say sorry ...

Chanel

2 years ago

Your article was amazing. Thank you for that. Exactly what is happening with me

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

2 years agofrom West Palm Beach

I am sorry you are suffering. Please talk to a person you trust, it will help.

BILAL

2 years ago

I AM SUFFERING

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

2 years agofrom West Palm Beach

7 years is a long time and you do have children together. That being said you have to go with what your heart feels. Do you want to work it out? Do you think that you would be able to fix the issues? Maybe you are relived or maybe you are just pushing your emotions aside. Give it a little time. It is possible that your heart is not in it anymore, and that is okay. But the best thing to do would be to discuss your emotions and feelings openly with him. If you do not neither of you will ever be happy.

Sheila

2 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past 7years and we have two handsome boys. We broke up on Saturday because I feel less appreciated and disrespected. I wanted us to talk about it but when I told him I was tire of his behaviour towards me he said that we can break up since well I am tired. We never spoke to each other until this morning wen he called to check on the boys. My problem is, I want to cry about it and let it go but I am feeling empty inside. my head tells me I should grief, phone him and try to fix things but my heart doesn't feel a thing, it is numb, dead empty I have no emotions at all. I worried this might affect me in the near future. What should I do or how should I handle this situation?

samantha a.

2 years ago

me and my boyfriend was offcial last saturday but eventually i feel like there is no love surrounding us anymore.

Hazel

2 years ago

My partner left me,as she thinks she has cancer.

I feel I'm drowning

John tuinei

2 years ago

I broke up with my gf last Wednesday since then I have not contacted her at all it's been 6 days yeah I was ready to move on and begin a new journey to be single for now yeah

Kayla's Ex

2 years ago

this was helpful. although i don't understand Kayla's speed of dropping her panties to her ankle and bending over for her friends brother. she told me to my face, "I love you" and "I want to have your baby" it's like Dr. Jekyl Mrs. Whore....

evan

2 years ago

this article is me right now, thank you ... thank you , I thought that only me going through the steps , really I am going through these steps one by one ... I am going thorough those stages after my breakup two month ago... it is really me, thank you Jen

Someone in hear

2 years ago

Thank god this was here

Mayra

3 years ago

Just reading most of these comments and I know how you feel. ..wow let me say that backwards and again .....Wow ! Lol great words of affirmation and solution for everyone who is going through a relationship struggle.thanks for your time and help . God bless us all.

Mr why am I wasting time

3 years ago

I left my girl friend on Friday night. Her friend left vodka at my place and wanted me to bring it to her. She asked multiple times and each time I was busy. Eventually I told her I'm not a delivery guy and I'm not going to drive it to your place when you also have a car. I called then texted my now ex saying that we needed to have a serious talk about some of our communication issues (among other things) and instead of returning my call she shows up at my door telling me they want their alcohol. I asked her to come in and talk to me first and she said no just give us the booze. I said I'm not giving it to you and then she demend money for it so I said no again. It felt like she was literally trying to bottle up all our problems. I said is this really how this ends and she said I guess so. then I shut the door in her face, and say in my room while she kicked our front door. removed her on all social media and told her not to contact me. If I'm not worth half a handle of shitty vodka then she's not worth my time. How could i love someone who won't let me in. she did exactly what she said she wouldn't do and she lead me on for months, always saying it takes me a LONG time to open up to someone. I honestly think she was still hooked on her ex and I was just the sucker who got played. I Hope you feel like shit Kellie

FindMyaway

4 years ago

My boyfriend of 11 years became angry after I confronted him for cheating... I was so confused on why he became angry. He told me to stop calling him so I began to cry and feel angry. I went to his house at 12am to tell him a piece of my mind and he wasn't there so I waited and parked my car to see who he was with when he came home he was with his friend and he began to ask me why I parked my car in someone else driveway, he said I was stalking and he cursed me out then told me to leave... Yes I was wrong for showing up but I know him whenever we give each other space he cheats. This time I was going to call him out on it; only to look like an idiot because I began lying about why I parked at a different driveway but he knew I was lying.. I apologized but he just looked at me.. I want to text him but I decided to just let go and heal because I'm becoming insane; I've lost my way : ( I'm hurt

Johnk28

5 years ago

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Mike

5 years ago

Hi. Well I've been with my girl for around 10 months we had a wonderful time. when we first met she was so shy but anyone could tell that it was love from the first sight. we used to talk all night long, even watch movies online while talking on the phone. I was her first kiss and first deep love. And I told her from day one that Im serious about her and won't be playing around. We used to fight sometimes, but a single miss u msg would sort thing out. Last December was her birthday, we fought 2 days before it and she said hurtful words so i didn't text her or call her on her BD. I went back home and she started texting me after a couple of days, I accepted her apology and even spoke to my parents that I love this girl and really considered getting engaged. When she knew about it she was so happy and said that even if we don't get engaged soon it's ok as long as I'm serious and my parents know about her. She even started talkin to my mom as sisters. 1 week after we had another fight and kept NC for 10 days, then she suddenly came to my work and I was so happy that I even introduced her to my boss as my future fiancé. The next day we had a silly fight, she started shouting then she didn't pick up my calls , I changed my FB password we remained NC for 10 days. Then I tried to call and she said that everything is over, I told her no it is not we have to talk, she refused. I tried to contact her after some days and she didn't answer, I even sent her flowers to her work and she refused them. Suddenly after 2 days she texted me that she's gonna get engaged soon and that I shouldn't call her and cause her troubles ( 2 weeks after the silly fight !!). I was shockeddd , I tried to call her maybe 60 times and sent like 10 messages and no answer !! I didn't beleive her first as i thought she's playing me. I kept trying to call and text for 1 week I even texted a lot on valentine's eve . Then on my off day I went to check her sister's FB page to find a picture of her in the engagement part. I paniced, felt knives cutting my heart. I texted her saying that she is such a cheater and doesn't deserve my love. 2 days later she called crying saying she made a big mistake and she only got engaged to tease me and that she still loves me too much. I cried as well but said I couldn't take her back. next day we spoke and texted and i still refused. After 2 days I called her to say that in case we could go back she should call the engagement off. She said yes but she can't bcz her father will get mad and i should propose directly after she leaves the other guy. I refused sure and told her that we should wait a couple of months before we get engaged to cool the fire and for the sake of both parents. She refused and went to say that she would stick to the other guy and that she left me bcz of this and that I always tease her. I tried to call later and no answer. Until one day i texted her and she replied that i should forget her and she's gonna get married. I saw her that day for 5 mins in a mall i hold her hands with tears in my eyes. She promised she will try her best to convince her father to leave that guy, but deep inside me I knew that won't happen and the father will refuse.

My doubts were true he refused and she told me we should forget each other and that she loves me and hates the other guy. I felt shattered, lost and wished to die. she kept calling every week saying that she loves me but her parents are pressuring her, and i kept saying that if she loves me u will rsik everything for me cz I will do the same for you.

2 months ago i felt i miss her i called and she was like as if she is in control of me, she spoke in a mean way she even said the guy's name instead of mine and said she will try to speak to her dad for the last time, I told her to tell him everything and that Im serious and ready to propose. 2 days later, she called saying he said noo and that she has to change her number and asked me not to call her. I knew it's over so I planned a vaccation with friends to Thailand but though before I leave I should see her. I went to her work stared at her for 5 mins and she said that I shouldn't be there. I left with tears and she called me before I boardeed tha plane and said she loves me and would never forget me in her life, but said that she would never regret anything cz she tried her best with her father, I said that this is not true and if she loved me how can she take a big decision like that knowing that it will end everything and even I asked her to come with me and run from everything and she said she wishes she can.

I left to thailand , first 4 days were nice. Then I suddenly started to imagine her in every nice place I visit . Last 2 days were horrible, I even started having dreams of her making love to the other guy and that killed me big time.

So I went back decided to talk to her for the last time. So I went to her work and she told me not to come inside. She called from her office asking why did I come to see her. I told her that i still lover her and that she should fight for our love and I would do anything to be together, she said there is no hope, and that she started to get annoyed from my visits and that if I didn't stop she will call her parents and tell them. I even felt worse that day, took another 1 week off work and went to my home country. I was s down even my family were concerned, I had dreams every day checked my mobile for any msgs. but nothingg !!

Well to cut it short It has been 49 days since I last time saw her, and i got to know that she got married 2 weeks ago and strange enough 1 day before her wedding she was logging in my FB acoount as she knows the password ( she did that all the time which killed me knowing that she still has feeling for me) . I still have bad dreams of her making out with the other man on a daily basis.

And I think of her whenever I see any couple or any love related pictures.

Note: the other guy is totally not her type but he is financially good as her parents tell her. Im a good looking guy as many say with a decent job as well.

Can she really love me and take these decisions and spend her life with another guy eventhough she says that she loves me !!?

I thought we had many things in common and we used to say that eventhough we fight a lot but our love is stronger than all. I mean I don't deserve to be treated like that I get angry sometimes but 1 text from her would solve it all.

I feel I lost the loveof my life and can't thing about getting soon with a girl other than her. Sorry for the long story but it was even tougher though.

Gaby

5 years ago

My lover has ended our 10 year affair. I understand is not an ideal relationship but both of us were not happy in our marriages and it just happens. All of a sudden he told me he can't do it any longer, live two lives and called it quits. I am devastated, he was a very big part of my life and now I want to be dead.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

6 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi gp, thanks for writing. I know that is a hard situation and I know there is a lot of pain involved. It is going to hurt for a while, I will not lie. Sometimes life is strange and things happen for no apparent reason we think. There is no magic that will make the hurt go away, and it sucks but just remember that the time you spent together was special. These times will always be a part of you, but one day you will find love again and create new memories, maybe even your own family. It does not mean that he did not care for you, maybe he just feels he wants to be with his children. Make sure you give yourself time to heal, if you need to cry that is ok, but make sure that you stay healthy and keep yourself busy. Take the next few months and learn about yourself and what you want out of life. Sometimes people in our lives hold us back from what we really want and these events can be a blessing is disquise. I wish you the best of luck.

gp

6 years ago

I am struggling right now.My bf left me and get back with his ex gilfriend the mom of his kids. We commited ourselves for nearly 2 years and had a lot of plans together. He met her after 2 years and just like that they got back together and shut me out of his life like a blink of an eye.all plans and promises are gone. That happened last dec 27 and I saw him for the last time last 12 days ago but I knew his decisions wont change so I let him go telling him to be with them and now Its just 9 days since the last time I talked to him and he is happy with his family now.Pain is killing me everyday and am having a hard time right now.I know he wont coming back all i want for him is to be happy and for me to move on without him in my life.I dnt know how to forget him but I know I can i just need more time.

angel29

7 years ago

thank you so much for the reply @ms.jennshealthstore.. i really appreciate it, it helps me analyze things and thank you for sharing your story as well. this might be really painful especially because i never imagine this will happen to me. and because we are in the midst of planning for wedding already before things change. but you're right! i need to think positive and love myself more.

i went through a lot of setbacks in our relationship. and it seems like i'm already stuck in it because i got so attached with him. i reserved myself for him. only to find out that the only constant thing in life indeed is changes.. and i just have to go with it and keep in my mind, that there's always a good reason why things are happening this way. its just so hard for me to start again on my own now without him again and this time, it might be final. only god knows.

i'm just confused whether to hold on or to let it go. from the time he asked for space. that was a month ago already. it hurts me that he really mean it and he never even try to check on me even just for once. but now, i'll take your advice.. little by little, if i need to crawl just to move forward. i will. i hope i can move on as well like you and the rest of the people who wrote here. god bless u more. thanks again.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

7 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Angel. Thanks for your comment. I know being away from the one we love can be really hard and confusing, but if I have learned anything is it is that no matter how how we try, no matter what we do, we cannot make another persons feelings change. So if he wants space right now then that is what you need to give him. Just remember even if he comes back to your right now without his heart fully in it, you both will not be happy and in a sense would be wasting time. Let him go for now at least. Try the best to do things for yourself and try to learn to start a life without him. Of course it will be different, but you will come through it. If in the future it is meant to be then it will be. Before the relationship could ever work again, both of you, on your own needs to work through personal issues you are having. Not to say that you cannot forgive him for cheating, but unless you are really able to get past that and get to a point where you can let it go, there will always be arguments about that. I was in a relationship for 10 years and when we first split I felt my life was ruined. On the contrary, I found another person who has made me feel like I have never felt before and my past relationship is just a memory of the past with no pain what so ever. You can be strong and will get through it. Good luck.

angel29

7 years ago

hi, everyone & @ms.jennshealth, i love this article..i can relate so much with the stages mentioned above.. would you mind to give me some advice for my current situation.

i am inlove with a guy for almost 10years. we started our relationship during highschool days. he is there with me on every phase of my life from that time. we saw each other grow & change. I gave him the kind of young love which is impossible to replace. For it happened on the age that we can never can get back. preserved by time that neither of us can touch. he is my first love, my first boyfriend and i always pray to god that hopefully he'll be the last because i sincerely love him & intend to love him for the rest of my life.

i swear to god if i will be given a chance to be his wife and a mom to his child. i'm gonna be the best one on earth.. everything for me, was perfect before until he cheat, we broke up & after a year i forgive him. then after that he broke up with me only because he has to leave the country and he told me it will be difficult for us. after that we came back to each other arms again. but again, we broke up because i just can't bear the pain of the past events. i found out i am not yet over it. i need time to get over it & to love him completely again.

after 2years, we rekindle our relationship again and promised to make it last, we even planned for the wedding already. but this time, we have to work on long distance relationship because i work abroad. Initially, things were ok. until i felt like we lost the romance & sweetness. he got so busy and he has no time for me at all, he always care for me and i never imagine that he will take me for granted. hours, days, weeks passed without any word from him. yet i still feel the same for him. i have love him all along for almost 10 years. and it's hard to accept that things will change suddenly. that his feelings will change. he then finally ask for space. i almost felt like i have no space in his busy life and yet he still wants space from me.. i have no choice but to let it be. i'm also tired but i'm still holding on. i need to know when i must set boundaries. the time when to stop and tell myself that its time to move on and give up. is there really a time to move on from the one you love or is this just another breakthrough in our relationship & i just need to be strong for us? how will i hold onto a love that is slowly slipping away from me?

i manage to keep my mouth shut for a long time..and not to talk about this on public but now i really need some advice.. thank you.

grace2121

7 years ago

This is so inspiring to know I am not the only one going through this phase. My bf and I were together going on 3 years, but we were the best of friends years before in high school. He was my everything, my best friend and most importantly apart of my family. I did not have a relationship with my family and his mother and family treated me like their own. We started our relationship doing the long distance thing. I was in California and he was in Louisiana. We would travel back and forth to visit one another and just invested a lot of time together. After about a year and half I moved back to Louisiana to obtain my nursing degree. We were both in college which made it a little more difficult. He always said I was a city girl and he was a country boy but I loved him because we were so different, which I felt made us right for one another.After about a year and a few months with me being in Cali, he wanted us to take a break because the distance was getting to him. However, we were still texting and communicating everyday. He then eventually told me, after two days of me moving here that he had been talking to someone else and they had kissed but he did not want to be with her because he genuinely loved me. I was so confused about the situation and did not know what to think. After a week, I decided that we could work past it and move on, so we began dating again. He then a couple months later around Christmas accused me of cheating because he saw an old photo in my room, which at that point changed the relationship. He wanted to be with me but he didn't know what to believe but we got over that situation, because I really was not cheating. He always said Karma is real but he didn't understand that I did not want to see him hurt. After the Christmas incident, he decided he wanted space again. However, we never gave it to one another. The phone calls, the visits, the web calls continued. Months passed and things just didn't see the same with us. I was so fearful to give him my heart again because I did not know his next step. I became distant and so did he. I finally said a week ago, we should let it each other go because I felt he just didn't want the relationship anymore.The texts were dry and so were the calls and time was limited. Throughout everything I still wanted to be with him. He agreed to let each other go, because he was feeling the same but he felt with time it would change. He kept saying the feeling was mutual but it wasn't when I told him that wasn't really what I wanted he just wanted to let it go. A week passed and he messaged me informing me that he wanted to meet and talk. However the talk, went downhill. He kept saying that I never went fishing with him except once and said that his brother's girlfriends go with them. I understood his love for fishing and I felt that was his time to be with his brothers and family. I told him if he wanted me there he should have said something, I would have loved to go with him if he would have told me. He argued me down and said he shouldn't have to ask it should be expected. He went on and said we have nothing in common, that he was a simple guy and I was above, how I showered him with gifts to show my love and affection for not always being there, and that cared too heavily on what others thought. I was and am still devastated. I told him that he knew all this about me prior to dating me. He said that the relationship wasn't the same for the past four months and still he never said anything until after we broke it off. While dealing with this his mother told me he was going through things with his dad, and within a year of him graduating from college he decided to drop out and join the army. I know he is going through a tough time and even through all the hurtful things he said to me, I told him I was there for him and I honestly wish him well. I have felt all the stages and still going through the stages. Its hard to let someone go who you truly love. I always wanted to make him happy and I went out of my way even with me being in nursing school to show him I wanted to be with him but I felt he felt that wasn't enough. I did what i felt was right. He said we didn't have anything in common but we traveled together, made dinners, went walking out to see the stars, the movies,bowling, anything you can think of we did. So for him to bring up just that about fishing, i was really upset. He made it seem like I never wanted to go with him when all he could have done was asked. He kept bringing up how i always wanted to shop and go to the movies, but I didn't. He made me seem like I was this high maintenance chick that never wanted to get dirty but I was. i told him all of the fancy gifts he got me I would have been perfectly happy with flowers or him surprising me at work because even I after I moved to Louisiana we were 4 hours away. His mother and my friends are saying give him time, he will be back and he would finally realize what he has was good but I do not believe that. He was so hurtful to me, and its definitely hard because when I go home during the holidays its to his mother's house and he is there. He has made sure to always check on me and make sure I was safe after my trips back and forth. Though we have broken up for a week now I am feeling so much, I thinking why did this have to happen? What did I do wrong? Did he genuinely love me? We were so close despite what he felt. I know i will be strong one day but I just keep wanting the pain to go away. I know eventually we will see each other but it will be so hard. I do want the best for him, I just wish he was honest with me a long time ago instead of holding it for so long. He said he didn't want to hurt me since I had already been through so much but at the end of the day he was hurting me by not telling me. I felt our only problem was mis-communication and fear, we never stated what we wanted. I guess I keep thinking there is hope for us but only time will tell. I just pray I can get through this because I do need to focus on my responsibilities, I know one day we will be friends but just can't be right now.

Justin

7 years ago

I lied to my fiancé of five years about not watching a certain movie when I did. She stormed out and refuses to meet with me or speak to me over the phone. This has been a week already. She will respond to texts but only with short answers. She tells me I lied and she can't forgive me for that. I have apologized and owned the mistake. I am at a loss as to how she can be so cold and distant when just a week prior we were making wedding arrangements. Any advice?

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

7 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Thank you oneclick. I am happy you find the information useful.

1Click DVD Copy Pro

7 years ago

This is so useful! I just wanted to tell you good job on the blog. You have a real niche on answering my questions.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

7 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Your welcome Tommy. I would just say that be proud of yourself for spoiling her on her Birthday, it was something very nice you did and I am sure she will remember it. No regrets!! Maybe your are right and another man will never love her the way you did. But just think, you may meet a girl that you love even more than this girl and you will start to wonder how much you really loved Kate after all. I am a strong believer of people coming in our lives for reasons, sometimes to teach us something and move on and sometimes forever! Good luck.

tommy7

7 years ago

Thank you so much for replying to my post. I think you are right. Even though Kate (who I dated for 6 months) never yelled or raised her voice to me on the phone during our final conversation, her hurtful words must be coming from her anger towards me. I only wish I knew that she felt being in a relationship was a hindrance to her personal growth before I spoiled and pampered her on her birthday (a Broadway show, dinner, flowers, and I started her day off with an hour massage that I gave her myself) which was a week before we split. I am still feeling hurt and lonely but I also feel like if someone doesn't care enough about me when I am down, I shouldn't waste too many more tears on them. It will take a while to get over her, I'm sure. But I doubt that any future boyfriend will love her and care for her as much as I did.

AUTHOR

Jennifer Maldonado

7 years agofrom West Palm Beach

Hi Tommy, I am sorry you are going through this. I know it feels really bad. I do not know her at all, but it seems to me like there is something going on because of the not so kind words she was using towards you. Maybe she just needs some alone time. There are many relationships that do not turn out the way we hoped or wanted, but it does not mean there is anything wrong with us. If you still feel in your heart you want to be with her then time is all you have to give at this point. Reevaluate your situation, your own wants and needs. I do not know how long you were together, but sometimes it can take a very long time to get to the point of getting back together. But DO not feel hopeless. Grieve all you need to but remember this is a great time for yourself. Relationships are about give and take, and we cannot change a person remember that. Also remember if we really care about a person, we would want what's best for them, with or without us!

tommy7

7 years ago

Thank you for writing this very helpful and insightful piece. My ex broke up with me right before X-Mas because I got mad at her for not being there for me one night (I called her in tears and she told me she was too busy doing laundry to let me come over). I wound up shutting her out and when we spoke a week later, instead of an apology, I got slammed with reasons why we should not be together - I'm not smart enough, we have nothing in common except going to the beach, and I don't act my age. I tried my best to be as supportive, understanding, generous and sweet to her as a boyfriend could be. But when she told me she always felt like being in a relationship got in the way of one's personal growth, I knew that we'd never get back together - I was viewed as an obstacle! It's 3 weeks now and I feel guilty, abandoned, and hopeless.

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