Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tech Suck My Dick

Most of us in the digital world have developed an unwanted new hobby: fucking around with tech. I'm not talking about the fucking around that involves angry birds and cat vids. I'm talking about the fucking around that you have to do if you want to do that more fun fucking around...or if, y'know, you're a traditionalist and want to do your job. See, tech must needs be everchanging else it becomes an izod shirt or bellbottoms or a pet rock (it always has been and always will be a pet rock, just remember). As Weird Al sez, tech is obsolete before it's out of the box. We just have to keep papering over all the shit on the web, adding new features, rejiggering the interface, creating new rabbit holes for people to fall into. You've gotta get those latest updates, and your office phone has to stop ringing like some fucking granny phone and emit instead soft jazz strains you won't hear. See, life is boring--but tech is boring, too. Most of us can't or won't upend our lives or revise our narratives to any significant degree from year to year, decade to decade. So we fuck around with our little machines, trying ever and always to make them better and usually failing--or at least failing to make them more compelling, more helpful. And that fucking around leads to the rest of us fucking around just to keep the machines working. We turn them off and on, call tech support, upgrade, reboot, curse, google for help, and suck tech dick to get it to do what it used to do just fine. But hey...at least we and they are doing SOMETHING before the plug is pulled on all the ones and zeroes surfing the earth.