The Opal Deception Code (rewrite)

Below is the original code from “Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception” decoded into English. The code is originally written in Gnommish.

The Code

There has never been a regulated scientific study of dwarf’s special abilities. What we know about them is based on folklore and hearsay. The most famous of these abilities is the dwarf tunnelling method by which they eat dirt and air, before expelling them out the other end.

Though the actual force of this expulsion has never been measured, several witnesses have reported windows breaking more than twenty metres away. It is said that a master recycler can finetune his gas emissions so that instead of a widespread blast of flatulence he shoots out a concebtrated volumn of wind. Legend has it that one such master recycler (a certain Blurt Miggums) was so accurate with these columns that he could turn on a light switch from the other side of the room.

Dwarfs themselves use casual terms to refer to the strength of their gas emissions. A “shirt flapper” is a gentle emission that would barely inflate a child’s balloon. A “pants ripper”, a sturdier blast and would certainly blow a hole in even the sturdiest material . A “nought to sixty” is a right whopper and could accelerate whoever dropped it to dangerous speeds. A “strap yourself down” is about as strong as it gets and could help a dwarf achieve flight. And finally the legendary “dark side of the moon” or simply “dark side”. If released on a mountain top it could put a dwarf into orbit.

There is no evidence that a dark side is anything more than a myth. All the same if you see a dwarf on a mountain with a red face, take cover. You can’t be too careful around dwarf wind.