Transitioning from a Regular Life to one with an Invisible Illness

Tag Archives: dealing with illness

One night, after I finished eating dinner, I was bored and lonely and decided to call my boyfriend. We had been going out over a year, but during this time period I went from being a healthy independent career woman to someone with an invisible illness that had sucked the life and energy out of me. My relationship was strained as a result of becoming sick, as my boyfriend was uncomfortable being around old and sick people. I knew this before I became ill, but at that time it really wasn’t an issue.

It was a Wednesday night and usually we tried to see each other once during the week and then we spent the weekend together at his house. I was isolated living in NYC with my illness and he really was my lifeline. He’d pick me up on Fridays and drop me back home after the weekend, as at this point I was working from home, trying to sort out my health situation.

We had settled into a routine, although neither one of us was all that happy with our situation at this moment. He wanted more from me and I really had no more to give. I was like a battery on it’s last charge, puttering a little, but not completely dead. We had bickered a lot during the previous weekend because he didn’t want me to go home on Sunday and I said that I have no more to give, I’m completely exhausted and bone tired. If you need more, then you probably should start dating. He had said much worse to me and in a tone, that I became all too familiar with.

So on this Wednesday night, as I picked up the phone to speak with him, I wanted to smooth things out and figure out a way to avoid having the same situation occur the next weekend. But to my surprise, when I dialed his cell number, I heard him pick up and I said, “Hello”, but he wasn’t on the other end of the phone. Instead, what did I hear… I heard him talking to another girl, yes he was on a blind date, with someone for the first time.

At first I couldn’t believe what I heard, I was in disbelief. I didn’t know if I was more shocked that he was on a date, or that somehow the Universe was letting me know he was on the date and letting me listen in. I heard all about her, that she was a widow, with 2 grown kids and that her parents recently died.

I heard him suggest his favorite Italian entree and I immediately knew what restaurant he had choosen. We had been there many times together and I was picturing him sitting there with this woman. I heard him describe his situation, his children, his ex wife, his job and I felt like an intruder, yet I just couldn’t hang up the phone. I was in shock. How could he find someone to date in 2 quick days. Was he dating all along, since I became ill? Would I ever know the truth or be able to trust him again completely?

I feel that you should never ask a question that you won’t believe the answer too. So my mind was racing, was I going to ask him about this date?, was I going to pretend I didn’t know? or was he going to own up and tell me that he went on a date?

At this point, 2 hours had probably gone by and I had my headphones on. Yes, I probably should have hung up, but I couldn’t. The dinner was coming to an end and he paid the bill and they exchanged pleasantries outside the restaurant. Was he going to kiss her? Well he didn’t, instead the conversation switched and they started talking about cell phones. And what does he do, he reached into his pocket to show her his new cell phone and he sees that he’s connected to me on the phone.. OMG, I panicked and quickly hung up.

Now thinking back while writing this post, I’m laughing and have a big smile on my face, but at the time I wasn’t laughing or smiling. I knew he would start calling me when he was alone and I really didn’t know if I was prepared to speak to him right now. Sure enough 15 minutes later, the phone starts ringing and I don’t pick up. His personality, is such, that he won’t stop calling until I answer, he had displayed this behavior before, so I gave in and gave it to him!! We had an argument and then I hung up the phone and tried to sleep, but I didn’t sleep.

I couldn’t shut my mind off. I was hurt, very hurt, that 2 days after I told him to start dating if he needed more, he did. Really what hurt me the most, is that I realized he must have been planning on dating way before the past weekend when we bickered a lot and he had this girl waiting in the wings.

The next day, he showed up at my door and apologized profusely, over and over again. There was no connection between them, he doesn’t want to see her again and he wants to be with me, even though I’m ill. It took me a while to get over the hurt, but I did forgive him and we did give it another try.

What happened that night, has always stayed with me, as one of the funnier situations that have occurred in my “off the wall” dating life. I have many of these stories, but this one is close to the top of that list. Maybe the one that’s at the top is when I was on a blind date myself, after the meal, I had to go to the rest room and when I came back to the table, my date was gone. He left the restaurant. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I don’t remember what we talked about, or else I could have used that story for my post!