I am writing to express concern over our latest encounter at Norfair (or, as many people are calling it, “No Fair!”).

You see, you are simply too fierce an opponent. I know, I know, it is your job to challenge the player but you’re tricks are just plain mean. I know you don’t have a health bar, but if you did I assume it would have 270 different layers.

You seem to be able to withstand my entire arsenal of Missiles, Super Missiles, and Power Bombs. Not to mention, you can even attack me when I am using the Screw Attack. Your tail is neigh but invulnerable, and you use it like a pogo stick which is terrifying, if not somewhat funny to watch. Furthermore, you can fly. Granted, I have Space Jump and unlimited jumps, but there is no way I can keep up with you in the air.

And as if your strength, speed, and wings weren’t enough, did you really have to fill the bottom of the room with lava? I mean seriously, lava! Isn’t that a little cliche’? Do you know how easy it is to fall into that stuff while you are hopping along the tiny strip of land? It’s really hard!

Furthermore, I thought my last suit upgrade was supposed to make me invulnerable to lava! What the heck?! What is this magic lava?! That is just plain evil!

And don’t even get me started on the fireballs coming out of your mouth. What is this, an episode of Scooby Doo? Did you just eat a spicy pepper before this battle? You are the most difficult second hardest boss battle I have ever encountered!

Though, to be honest your sheer level of difficulty would not be so bad if not for your great distance from the nearest save spot. I have to transverse 5 rooms to get to you, including one room with two silver space pirates. They are hard enough, but then I have to stand infront of one of those spawn pipes and shoot little enemies for 5 mins to regain my health and ammo! I spend longer preparing to fight you than I actually spend fighting you!

Granted, I do like that you lost the armor. It is nice to not have to aim for your mouth any more. I also appreciate the awesome background music that plays during our fights. But it would be nice if you could just take a chill-pill. There is no need to be so cranky.

I shall be returning tonight to try to kill you. I would appreciate a little more cooperation this time around. Ok? Thank you!