Archive for March 15th, 2011

I had dinner with my friend Sara recently and as we reminisced about years of working together, the conversation turned to relationships. She and her husband had recently celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. It was her husbandâ€™s second marriage, but Saraâ€™s first. I asked her the secret of their success.

She had a twinkle her in eye as she told me about Tom.

â€œHe made me feel comfortable right from the start,â€ she said. â€œI knew I could be myself and he would accept me for who I am â€“ both the good and the not-so-good. It seems to work for us. Heâ€™s easy-going and Iâ€™m a little intense, but he just lets that roll.â€

Iâ€™ve watched them together. They kid each other often. They laugh and show respect for each other. Sara is somewhat of a caretaker and Tom likes this. Yet he knows how to make her feel loved and cared for, too.

And heâ€™s a big flirt! Though I donâ€™t see them often, a few other mutual friends and I have observed that Tom is generally focused on women and freely expresses his appreciation of their beauty, bodies, sex appeal, etc. Sometimes we think itâ€™s icky. But Sara has never once complained or expressed discomfort with it.

So why do some people become jealous of every tiny bit of attention a partner pays to someone else, while others donâ€™t mind this a bit?

I think it depends on the strength of the intimate relationship — a strong loving relationship, shared mutually, leaves no room for jealousy. If each partner is truly being kind to the other (as the Regular Guy purports) and if they often are doing little things to enrich the relationship, then a little flirting shouldnâ€™t rock their world. It might even enhance it! Itâ€™s nice to see that other people appreciate your date/mate.

What happens outside the relationship can only become significant if nothing is happening inside the relationship. (A topic for another post.) It takes a committed pair to turn a budding romance into a 25-year marriage. Cheers to all those who take it seriously and succeed, and especially to Sara and Tom!

While the Regular Guy provides a forum for men toÂ vent and discuss commonalities, Â I sayÂ gals should also snatchÂ the opportunity to spew forthÂ our feminine perspective!Â I may not be as witty as Carrie Bradshaw,Â but I am in the newspaper business and I’ve always had a thing for writing, soÂ my goal isÂ to inspire some discussion here.Â Think of it asÂ group therapy for the regular gal (and guy)… those of us who constantly ponder love, career, family, health and fitness, beauty, creative expression and how to juggle all at one time and still remain at the top of our game. Not unlike the Regular Guy who might obsess over sex, sports and sitcoms, the Regular Gal is no stranger to obsessions.Â “She Says” will expose that all of these topics transcend gender. Depending on who starts the discussion, some are just a little more sugar-coated than others.