It’s not bad enough that someone has died because of a domestic violence conflict, the prosecuting attorney’s office, because of the engendered politics of domestic violence, has to prosecute an abused husband.

As the story unfolds, we learn that Erlinda Adviento stabbed her husband six times in the stomach during some type of agitated domestic conflict. During the ensuing madness, Melchor wrestles the knives from his would be murderer and stabs her 16 times.

What convinces me about Melchor’s story is what his lawyer said; “”He thought he was going to die,” said Burge.” Then, “Before police arrived at the couple’s Kahaha Street home, Adviento slashed his own wrists in an attempted suicide, the defense attorney told the jury.”

From comments posted on the article, we learn that Melchor had three prior felony firearm convictions; prior conviction for 2nd degree reckless endangering; prior conviction for assault; and prior conviction for DUI. We can agree that the man lived a less than stellar life, and that Erlinda chose to spend her life with him while her ex-husband was in the slammer.

People commented that 16 stab wounds is excessive and proof that he’s guilty of murder. Wait… You mean six stab wounds to the Melchor’s gut is not proof that she wanted him dead?

I’ve been stabbed by my ex. The threshold is where the stabbing starts to hurt you back. After the anger and madness are gone, they stop stabbing. For me, it was as simple as looking at my ex-wife and saying calmly, “You just stabbed me with a pencil. It’s stuck in my arm. Help.” Sixteen years later, the lead is still in my arm.

Wilsgun comments, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she fought with him. I’m really sadden for the family’s loss for both their father (behind bars) and mother. I hope their kids are well taken care of.”

And now we get to the core of the story: Domestic Violence Destroys Families.

Once the stabber stops stabbing, there is no help in the world. Melchor’s survival instinct made him survive, but when he realized he was alive and she was not, that is not what he wanted. Why do you think Shakespeare wrote Romeo and Juliet? It wasn’t a story for smitten teenagers. If Melchor never read it, he was determined to live it.

I hope Melchor gets back with his kids as soon as this trial is over. I hope they can start to heal. I hope they learn to teach that Domestic Violence destroys families.

I hope his kids learn to reach out to people who can help.

Maybe these state prosecutors will even learn when to treat the family instead of convicting the victim.

To learn more about relationships like Erlinda and Melchor’s, domestic violence in Hawaii, and Family Education visit my web site at www.LiveBeatDad.com

The recent news stories about Lori Drew have brought attention to the harmful, even deadly, effects bullying can have. Drew is the mother of a disaffected friend who created the online persona, Josh, who first feigned affection for and then viciously criticized Megan Meier telling her the world would be better off without her. Megan was found hanged in her closet; a victim of suicide clearly brought on by Drew’s depravity.

The people over at cyberbullying.us have done a good job going over the facts in the well-publicized case. And they show that Megan is one of many who are the victims of cyber bullying.

The case against Drew was a long shot. The local courts could do nothing because cyber-bullying has not yet been identified as a crime. In Federal court, the prosecution tried to get the misdemeanor of a violation of the Terms of Service contract (TOS) connected directly to the Federal charges that would have implicated Drew directly in Megan’s suicide.

The connection failed and the judge was left with a decision whether to criminalize TOS violations; a decision that would have affected nearly every internet user–since it is likely that few of us actually read the TOS for each web site we enter and fewer still engage in misrepresentation with intent to harm others.

I believe Drew is a despicable human being who will never accept that she has had a direct connection to the death of another human being.

I believe that no one will ever heal the wounds inflicted upon the Meier’s.

But what happened in this case brought back too many memories of my own separation and divorce. I saw my child running from corner to corner of the school playground, harassing other children on countless occasions, and didn’t recognize what it was. I heard that my daughter was expelled from school and I still don’t know all the details about that incident. I heard that my son had stabbed another child in his classroom. These kids are less than 10 – 11 years old when these stories get to me several years later through the grapevine.

I try to understand. My kids were abducted in 2000. My son was 2.5. My daughter was 5. We had a solid family. My kids were not headed in this direction.

Then I remember my ex-wife’s sister; a pretty and amiable woman, who spoke to me on several occasions of her efforts to upset other people. On one occasion, she faxed a ream of blank paper to a business acquaintance. I know my daughter picked up a few tricks from this auntie.

Then I remember my ex-wife’s now-deceased grandmother; an aging flapper, simply beautiful in her day, but with a pristine Nazi flag in her hallway closet, a husband driven out of her life at an early age, an Irish, oedipal son marrying a Japanese Hawaiian victim of abuse and living in a hell of a marriage that my ex constantly complained about that it should have ended long ago. I see, now, how this one-time flapper helped destroy my family.

Then there are aunties who, with derision, have sown seeds of discord. The cousins (who all seem to come from broken families) bringing their sense of family (deconstructing trust and love) into our family. And now my children have their grand-parents, a perennially bickering duo, as role models.

Bullying does not happen in a vacuum.

The family, the foundation of democracy in America, has to be broken for bullying to become a large-scale, community norm.

I would say we have reached the threshold.

Megan’s suicide was a clarion call. Women like Drew are increasing in numbers.

Women who use the courts to destroy families are increasing in numbers every day. If we do not recognize the crimes they are committing against our families and against our society, our culture will suffer and the American dream; a family, a home, and democracy itself, will fade.

To find out more about cyber bullying, visit cyberbullying.us and drop by my web site (LiveBeatDad) to find out more about the people who make cyber bullying so much more potent and destructive to our society.

Sahel Kazemi was just like any other young 20-year-old woman chasing after the sperm of an MVP football player, until Tennessee Titan’s, Steve McNair’s body was found riddled with bullets and Sahel’s was found near his with a single gunshot wound to the head; the weapon fallen near her body.

The Honolulu Advertiser picks up the story stating the most controversial point of view that the killing “raised questions today about his relationship with the 20-year-old woman.”

What questions?

We all know how often this has played out here in the islands. The one with the single gunshot wound to the head is the guilty party. HA has little to go on (so do I), yet the well-read newspaper places doubt where there should be none. Had the bullet wounds been reversed, there is no doubt that the dead man would have been convicted before the story was published.

When a woman commits a crime, it is too often because she is mentally unstable, she was protecting a family as she does the greatest harm, she is protected by American’s twisted system of justice, and she sucks down hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars devoted to domestic violence. The woman “victim” who perpetrates a crime against a family is an instrument of fear and democracy’s greatest weakness.

Something gets lost when stories like these clearly show the killer recently dumped an ex-lover, scored a high-income male, was arrested in her new Escalade for DUI, refused a breathalyzer telling the cop she was high not drunk, and her co-workers are quoted saying, “We talked about who had more fashion sense, and who was the cutest, and who could get more boys, you know some of the stuff girls do.”

A part of the story is not told when we learn that Kazemi was waiting for, possibly pushing for, McNair’s divorce to be finalized from a 12-year marriage when there were never any divorce papers filed.

Put together the drugs, arrests, a little jealousy, a loaded pistol…

Well, you get the idea.

Her sister is quoted “All she was trying to do was have fun,” Salmani said. …Salmani now fears McNair was using her sister, because she was a young woman with a pretty face. She fears jealous people in his life are the reason her sister is dead.” Did the Tennesean just allow a murderer’s sister to shift the blame right back on McNair?

To their credit, HA doesn’t immediately cast blame, “Authorities didn’t immediately say who was to blame for the killings, but they weren’t looking for any suspects. Police do not believe McNair’s wife was involved.”

So some of the stuff girls do is try to get more boys. Maybe trading-up to the richer, more successful boy? Maybe milk him for money, jewelry, cars, and a “fun” lifestyle. Maybe get married until the next “boy” comes along. She’s guaranteed money in the separation. Maybe have a child. She’s guaranteed child support for 20 years.

Today, this is what girls do.

Men are a commodity. Good men like McNair are hard to come by.

Girls like Kazemi don’t want to share these men with others.

And that’s the big secret of the Domestic Violence Advocacy Industry. Women like Krazy Kaz are a dime a dozen.

The smart ones don’t use guns. They use the court. Their parenting style is to call 911 when the father wants to see his children. A good portion of their lifetime earnings comes from child support agencies. And the children are used as weapons.

Ekholm’s story talks about low-income, black men in family cycles of self-destruction.

“The chances of seeing a parent go to prison have never been greater, especially for poor black Americans, and new research is documenting the long-term harm to the children they leave behind… At any given moment, more than 1.5 million children have a parent, usually their father, in prison… Scholars agree that in some cases children may benefit from a parent’s forced removal, especially when a father is a sexual predator or violent at home. But more often, the harm outweighs any benefits.”

As the world of fathers implodes in our uniquely American judicial system, women like Kazemi and her sister are still looking to place the blame on men.

It is long past time for American culture to recognize the threat.

Strengthen the family. Teach democracy to the youngest child. Practice good citizenship and exercise our responsibility as parents. And in divorce, protect the children from the harm of an alienated, incarcerated or dead parent.

McNair’s four children have a tough road ahead. For many other fathers, all it takes is a phone call to put the father back in the child’s life.