The true story of four North Perth residents and their quest to dine in every restaurant on Beaufort Street.

16 April 2009

Mykonos Greek Restaurant

To be on the safe side, the Brains thought she’d ring Mykonos to book a suitable table for the Bloggers. The friendly waiter told her that 8.00pm would be fine, and confirmed that he would put a table aside, close to the footpath, with plenty of space for Stinky’s pram.

At 7.45, the Bloggers quickly popped into the Beaufort Street Merchant, picked up 4 bottles of their new favourite cheap Chardonnay and a 6 pack of beers, and set off across the road to enjoy a whole lot of meat, a shitload of chips and something, anything, with garlic sauce. We were very much looking forward to Greek grilled meat feast.

On arrival it was clear that no table had been put aside. Interestingly our names were on their booking sheet, but there were just no tables available. So, our Greek waitress (cleverly disguised as a Japanese backpacker) directed us to the shitty mezzanine floor that’s decorated like a State prison and furnished like a 1960s bus port.

And, alone, from our lofty position high above the humming crowd at Mykonos, we waited. And continued to wait. And for 15 minutes we received none of the following:

1. service

2. wine cooler

3. bottle opener

4. cutlery

5. wine glasses

6. menus

So, we walked downstairs and fetched another Greek waitress, this one in ingeniously disguised as a Chinese English student, and asked her to help us out with the 5 items listed above, as all we had so far were 3 tumblers. After a couple more trips downstairs, and another 15 minutes, we procured ourselves 4 mismatched wine glasses and some menus. The menus were interesting, a half a page of the menu was dedicated entirely to setting out the strict terms and conditions attached to ordering, eating, paying, drinking, etc - like we were entering into some sort of Deed of Eternal Disappointment.

Items 1 to 4 never arrived, leaving the Deliberator and the Sponge to crack open their beers using the side of the chipboard table we were sitting at, and Bito and the Brains drinking wine that was positively sweating.

After reviewing the terms and conditions on the menu, we ordered the trusty tasting plate for entrée, with a large portion of calamari. The pickled octopus on the platter (a team favourite) wasn’t bad, and the dips were fine and the calamari was crispy and fresh. Everything else was a greasy, cold, oily mess. There was also a lot of garnish dressed up as salad on the plate, which was largely inedible and a giant waste of space.

When our mains arrived, we hadn’t finished the platter, so the Sino-Hellenic waitress simply popped our mains ON TOP of our platter and entrée plates. This was quite stunning, and something we’ve never seen before.

It’s hard for us to discuss the mains themselves as they were completely and utterly inedible – and generally, we eat anything. We each left meat on the plate, and plenty of it. This has never ever happened before to the Deliberator and the Sponge. But really, the food was foul. The meat could have been used as a shotput, the spices were completely wrong, the fish was ok, but only just, and the sauces lacked any flavour whatsoever. All in all, it was unbelievably, horribly bad. Which was very strange considering we’d all had very passable kebabs from Mykonos in the past.

We eventually went downstairs to pay the bill. By now, we were unhappy, spiteful and really really pissed off. And to just really hammer home the general shithouse nature of the night, we were charged double the corkage for the privilege of us getting our own wine glasses, and having our wine left sweltering in its paper bags on the table all night. Mykonos, if you’re reading this, you are by far and away the worst restaurant we’ve reviewed on Beaufort Street for service, produce and cooking. At least the Peking Chinese Restaurant had the Chinese Dragon counter.

In summary:

Service: We had a waitress come up twice in 2 hours – once to deliver the entrée, and once to deliver the mains. We were otherwise completely left to our own devices.

Food: So bad its outrageous. And what’s with all the good reviews on eatingwa.com?

Ambience: While the mezzanine floor is awful, the rest of the restaurant has a cheerful, casual Greek-restaurant style ambience.

Highlight: The new curse-words we invented to describe the food. And the calamari wasn’t bad.

Lowlight: Everything else.

Rating: half a lamb kofta (although only beef kofta is available at Mykonos) out of 5.

Will we be back? Sadly, we probably will end up buying more kebabs from Mykonos. But we’ve promised each other to try our best not to.

Details: It’s not even that cheap – about $40 a head for crap. We won’t bother you with a phone number, as we strongly suggest you don’t go. Oh, and it is also worth mentioning that the owner has appeared in the local rag a few times over the last few weeks for allegedly not letting a guide dog in the premises.

We just get the kebabs and take them home and eat them half soggy becuz it's even that bad to sit in their "take away" section. I knew they had the place up for sale last year so it's obviously changed management.

If you go anywhere on the basis of a rcommendation from the peasants that post reviews on eatingwa, you are out of your cotton-pickin' mind. They dress up in furs and pearls to go to Sizzler. Seriously. You'd get better advice from those silly pretentious girls who "write" "reviews" for that awful dining out in Perth magazine that I've forgotten the name of.

I also booked a table for a friday's lunch (week or so before christmas) at Mykonos and when we turned up there were no tables and our name wasn't even on the list. So we were shown upstairs next to an office party where we couldn't hear each other talk. the food was expensive and not even that good.

Awesome. Hey while we're on the topic of Mykonos you should check this story out - http://www.news.com.au/perthnow/comments/0,21590,25244058-2761,00.html

in particular the final few comments posted by "digusted", "I don't buy it", "skeptical" and "get it right".I have a sneaking suspicion all four of those comments were posted by someone directly involved with the restaurant.

Roshy - that's what we're here for. We hope you took your friends to the Merchant instead.

David T - thanks for the suggestion re street view, but not one of the Bloggers has the technical skills to pull that off. And as for photos, we intend to bring a camera every time we go out, and then forget every time we go out.

Not letting the guide dog in would be a the death knell for me - I think the real reason he wouldn't want a dog in the place is that being a guide dog it would likely drag its person out of the restaurant - away from danger!

Just visited this place the other night and it was as lame as your review of 2 years ago would have one expect. The waitresses were nice, but we got very little communication about our food, which came out super-duper late. And when one of our guests went to ask about the wait, the manager told her it was our own fault for booking such a large party and that we were warned there would be delays (no, we weren't). When the food finally arrived, it was hard to imagine it not having spent the 2 hour wait sitting on a shelf getting cold, waiting to be re-heated.

It was a bit disappointing. Had really high hopes for the evening, as I'd had an okay experience the previous 2 times I'd been there. This was the first bad one, but considering it was the dude in charge who was rude to our party, I don't have high hopes for a good experience next time.

Beaufort Street Bloggers

It has been a long held tradition for the Beaufort Street Bloggers to eat together on a Thursday night. After all, Thursday is the new Friday. To spice up Thursday night dining in 2008, a unanimous decision was made to eat at every restaurant on Beaufort Street, starting from the top of Inglewood and working our way down to the city. There will undoubtedly be some lowlights (think Dial-A-Chop-Stix and the Civic Hotel), but there is a whole bunch of good food around this part of town. The rules are simple, to qualify, a restaurant must have room for us to sit in and be open on Thursday nights. This blog documents the results of this lofty challenge. If you want to contact the bloggers, please email beaufortstreetbloggers [at] gmail [dot] com

So who are the Beaufort Street Bloggers?

The Deliberator

World renowned (he has excessively deliberated over menus the world over, to the chagrin of many a waiter), the Deliberator takes pride in his ability to frustrate even the most tolerant of wait staff, let alone his long suffering fellow Beaufort Street Bloggers.

Reflecting on himself (in a positive light as always), the Deliberator lists his favourite past times as pork belly, champagne cocktails and falling asleep on other people’s couches. Upon review of what lies ahead of him in the 2008 Beaufort Street Challenge, the Deliberator remained focussed on the year ahead, stating only that he was glad there were going to be a few budget Thursday nights ahead, as he has already committed 3 months wages to the purchase of a ring from Tiffanys for a certain pixie haired blonde within the team.

Despite still harbouring a love of vegemite on toast from his university days, the Deliberator prides himself on his culinary prowess and exacting standards. He has declared 2008 the year he not only finally drives a waiter to suicide and/or mass murder, but also establishes himself as the West’s answer to the Lygon Street gangster, tipping that before the year is out the name “Deliberator” will be spoken with hushed reverence in cafes and restaurants the length and breadth of Beaufort St.

The Brains

Aptly named because she is indeed the “brains" behind the 2008 Beaufort Street Challenge and also, because sometimes she just seems so smart the entire team prefers that she orders for them, the Brains is a complex character – lawyer by day, avid restaurant reviewer by night and frustrated interior decorator for pretty much all of the time in between.

The 2008 Beaufort Street Challenge came to the Brains whilst on her 7th glass of champagne just after Christmas 2007. Throwing caution to the wind, she drained her glass, slammed the table and declared to all and sundry in a rather agitated voice “2008….2008 we’re doing it. We’re starting at the top and we’re not stopping til the end!” Upon seeing the puzzled stares of those around her , the Brains went on to explain in more detail that what she meant was that 2008 was the year she and her fellow diners would begin at the top of Beaufort Street and eat at every eating establishment before the year was out. Needless to say her fellow team members were yet again left reeling at the sheer genius that is “The Brains”.

The Brains is also the long suffering partner of the Deliberator, having accompanied him on his most recent overseas expeditions to restaurants throughout Europe and Asia. Amenable in nature and blessed with the patience of a saint, the Brains only has to see a Tiffany & Co. advertisement to remind herself that one day, one day very soon, it will all be worthwhile….

Bito (Bun in the Oven)

Reformed party girl whose previous mantra was “Thursday is the new Friday”, BITO is currently at the 24 week mark of an alcohol free sentence known to most as pregnancy. Whilst BYO and corkage are no longer of concern to BITO, it is testament to her spirit and commitment to the team that she has committed herself to the 2008 Beaufort Street challenge in the role of designated driver.

Even before eating for 2, BITO was a committed fan of various Beaufort Street establishments and did not have to be asked twice when contacted by the Brains with regards to the 2008 Beaufort Street Challenge, stating only that there was no bloody way she was doing Jackson’s degustation menu sans alcohol.

Married to “The Sponge”, Bito is renowned in the team for her new found patience and tolerance of drunkards in her automobile.

The Sponge

Standing at the immodest height of 6 foot 4”, with size 14 feet, the Sponge has an appetite known to send many a kitchen into a flurry and a capacity for alcohol that has seen more than the odd sommelier rubbing his hands in delight.

Responsible for BITO’s current plight, the Sponge sees 2008 as the year he becomes a first time father yes, but more importantly, the year in which finally establishes himself as force to be reckoned within the Beaufort Street precinct.

When asked what unique attributes he thought he brought to the 2008 Beaufort Street Challenge, the Sponge declared that whilst he preferred to think of himself as a bit of an “all rounder”, he did think his world class background in spaghetti marinara and a capacity to calculate corkage in the blink of an eyelid were going to prove invaluable to the team in the year ahead.