A Scotsman who was drivinghome one night, ran into a cardriven by an Englishman. TheScotsman got out of the car toapologize and offered theEnglishman a drink from a bottleof whisky. The Englishman wasglad to have a drink."Go on," said the Scot, "haveanother drink."The Englishman drank gratefully."But don't you want one, too?"he asked the Scotsman."Perhaps," replied the Scotsman,"after the police have gone."

A Scotsman who was drivinghome one night, ran into a cardriven by an Englishman. TheScotsman got out of the car toapologize and offered theEnglishman a drink from a bottleof whisky. The Englishman wasglad to have a drink."Go on," said the Scot, "haveanother drink."The Englishman drank gratefully."But don't you want one, too?"he asked the Scotsman."Perhaps," replied the Scotsman,"after the police have gone."

A man was pulled over fordriving too fast, even though hethought he was driving justfine.Officer: You were speeding.Man: No, I wasn't.Officer: Yes, you were. I'mgiving you a ticket.Man: But I wasn't speeding.Officer: Tell that to the judge!(The officer gives man theticket.)Man: Would I get another ticketif I called you a jerk?Officer: Yes, you would.Man: What if I just thought thatyou were?Officer: I can't give you a ticketfor what you think.Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

A guy walks into a post officeone day to see a middle-aged,balding man standing at thecounter methodically placing"Love" stamps on bright pinkenvelopes with hearts all overthem. He then takes out aperfume bottle and startsspraying scent all over them.His curiosity getting the betterof him, he goes up to thebalding man and asks him whathe is doing. The man says "I'msending out 1,000 Valentinecards signed, 'Guess who?'" "Butwhy?" asks the man. "I'm adivorce lawyer," the man replies.