Saturday, October 28, 2006

I was the janitor of HalloweenI crowned Rob Cockerham The King of Halloween (click here for that story.)I doubt anyone can take his title, but if you come in second to Rob you'll still be our winner. The prize is dinner for two at a Sacramento area restaurant, courtesy of Zimmerman Roofing. Send photos of your best costume(s) to keithlowelljensen at gmail dot com.Please do not send attachments, I may not get them. Put your photos up somewhere online like photobucket.com or myspace and send me a link. Good luck.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Watch for The King Of Halloween contest Tomorrow. Sponsored by Zimmerman Roofing, meaning there'll be a prize other than glory.

This is the full interview I did with Rob Cockerham of Cockeyed.com, part of which is in this week's News and Review. I don't bother to note when Rob is laughing because Rob laughs non-stop, except when I make a joke and then he's dead silent.

KLJ: Rob Cockerham are you the King of Halloween Costumes?

Rob: Probably not the king but, um, I’m in the royalty, I’m up there. I try really hard.

KLJ: How long have you been at it?,Rob: Since ’91 when I did my first big Halloween costume. I was going to school in Santa Barbara. [I went as] a kiosk. They had these kiosks all over campus, a six sided phone booth size building with bulletin boards on all six sides. I was covered flyers. People went crazy they loved it.

KLJ: Did people put flyers on you?

Rob: No. It was so fun. I was completely covered. I had a little slit for my eyes to see out. I could see that everyone who saw it started laughing

KLJ: What are you favorite costumes?Rob: I loved one, Paparazi, in that costume I was a photographer but it was made up of other photographer's faces, plastic faces, all holding cameras, all bunched together. All the faces had cameras, I think 12 or 15 faces. The cool thing was all the cameras had flashes. You could unleash all the flashes, so it could give the experience of paparazzi to anyone who looked at the costume.

KLJ: How did you end up at the Industrial Light and Magic Halloween party?

Rob: I had a friend that worked there. They have very strict rules about whose allowed in but I convinced someone to take me as their date. It was my second year going. The first year I had a pretty good costume (see the fish picture above).I got a good idea of the caliber of costumes theres. One guy came as Iron giant. He was on stilts with a head mounted above his he was about 9 or 10 feet tall.

KLJ: Did you have a good feeling about Paparazi? Did you feel like you were going to win?

Rob: Yeah. I did. Having the flashes go off, I really got the feeling I’d created something like I’d never seen before. I never had a toy like that or saw that on tv. I knew I was going to create a really cool experience for anyone who saw.KLJ: Did you worry that you'd give people siezures? Like that Japanese kid's show?

Rob: No, I should have bought anti-siezure insurance.

KLJ: So tell me about the contest.Rob: They narrowed down to the top eight and then the audience decided by their applause who the winner was. I will admit the competition that year was thin, but I beat out some transformers for first place. It was just extraordinary.

KLJ: Were the ILM guys bent that an amateur won?

Rob: Yeah. That was kind of awkward actually.

KLJ: You should've asked for a job.

Rob: I think they have a regular old application process.

KLJ: That sucks, not magical at all. What other costumes have you enjoyed?

Rob: I really liked the California costume. I made an 8 foot costume in the shape of California out of foam rubber, with just my head poking out around Fresno.

KLJ: Why Fresno?

Rob: That’s just how tall I am.KLJ: How'd that go over?Rob: Great response. People loved that one too.KLJ: What do you do with these costumes when you're done with them?Rob: Um, a couple different things. Sometimes I give them away. I sold the last two on e-bay. Some of them get destroyed in crowds, especially drunken crowds.

KLJ: That's a-lot of work for one night.Rob: Usually I can milk it for 2 or 4 nights. Because I’m taking pictures of it, I’m really milking the project for more than one night.KLJ: How much work do you put in to each costume?

Rob: About 30 or 40 hours.KLJ: Tell me a bit about this years costume. (Note, I want to be surprised like everyone else so I asked Rob NOT to tell me what his super secret costume this year is.)

Rob: It’s a great idea and thats what a good costume is all about. People like to dress up but more than that they like to have an idea that’s original and funny.It’s better than paparazzi, but the effects aren’t as good. Everyone who see it loves and starts laughing and can’t believe I’ve done it.KLJ: How much money have you made selling your costumes and winning contests?

Rob: I got $50 for the Doctor Octogon costume [on e-bay]. I already won $250 in a costume contest for that one. The guy I sold it to wore it to a contest at the rage the next Halloween and he won $100.

KLJ: What do you spend on a costume?

Rob: I try to keep them under $100 in materials.

KLJ: So what's the plan for Halloween this year? You taking the kid out?

Rob: We’ll go out on the real Halloween. I’m gonna make her a robot costume.

KLJ: Any contests?

Rob: I’m going to the Zone’s exotic ball at cal expo.

KLJ: Oh man, isn't that "sexy" costume contest?

Rob: Well, it is pretty scantily clad but they also have a $5,000 costume contest. With a normal sized contest the prize might go to sexy drum major, sexy wet-nurse, sexy devil. When you get prizes that are that valuable the realy big extravagant costumes show up to complete. So that kind of knocks out any normal costume you might get at Evangeline’s.

KLJ: You ever wish you could just go pick up a cheap costume off the rack?

Rob: No, I’ll never buy a costume again.

KLJ: So what advice would y ou give to aspiring costume designers?

Rob: You want to appeal to as many people as possible. Use pop culture icons. And preferably something people really love.It’s okay if you just have a bunch of coat hangers and tape and Styrofoam and paint it’s supposed to look homemade.Even if you don’t know what party your going to be invited have something ready for when you do get invited.About five years ago I didn’t get a costume, I stayed home to give out to give out candy and nobody came.That advice is lame. Let me think of a better one...Make sure you have at least one hand free… to hold a drink.

Well that's it folks. Plenty of advice and inspiration from Rob Cockerham, the King of Halloween. Rob's website is one of my favorites. If you're not already a fan be sure to check out www.Cockeyed.com. You'll want to keep an eye on his site for the next week especially, to see if you can guess what his super secret Halloween costume will be and he has lots of pictures showing the process of constructing each of his past costumes.

Currently Reading /Listening To/ Watching: TV on the radio. Great album. I like it a-lot.

The democratic candidates are pinching themselves as the November elections draw near. They feel they must be dreaming as the Grand Old Party does everything it can to hand them the two houses.

Bush will not keep quiet about Iraq even comparing it to the 'Nam. Several Republican senators were trampled in the mad dash to put distance between themselves and their president. Democratic Senators sustained injuries as well mostly in the form of sprained shoulders as they repeatadly motioned the international fist pumping gesture for "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Things weren't good enough for the Dems so Republican mouth piece Rush Limbaugh decided to bake them a cake and then pop out of it. The pain killer addicted but otherwise healthy radio personality accused Michael J. Fox of faking it. He insisted that Fox was exagerating his Parkinsons in ads asking voters to support Dems who support stem cell research. Limbaugh later apologized for the faking it accusation but continued to attack Fox for "politiczing his disease." This is almost as good as Anne Coulture begrudging the 911 widows their fun filled public grieving.

Rush, a little friendly advice here; Don't pick fights with the sick dude in public. Do you really need me to tell you this? When you pick on the sick or disabled you do it in private. Catch Fox in the restroom at one of the country clubs that you no doubt both belong to. Bribe the attendant to look the other way.

The month draws to a close and the GOP's October surprise seems to be that they're handing the election over. I have a $10 bet with my boss that the donkey party will take both houses. I wasn't willing to bet $20, so there's still some room for doubt. As with past bets the boss and I have made over elections, any money he wins from me will contributed to the Republican party.

Monday, October 23, 2006

FIRST PLACERat Pack Fly by Mark LaheyMark Lahey did this beauty on the first day of the contest, which put the bar real high, and while everyone gave us their A game, they never did mange to knock mark out. Good work man. Go to the All The Entries page for more from Mark.

SECOND PLACE

The Last Swatter by Nick RobertsClick image to enlarge.

This is an amazing piece by Nick Roberts, a local Sacramento cat with many nick names. I had the picture up on the site for days before it occured to me just how sick and wrong it is. And then a few days after that I noticed the little piles of poo on every plate. I'd definately have to call this a close second. Hey Nick, send me your website info. so I can link you.

THIRD PLACEThe People's Fly by Brett WilsonFrancois, being the staunch capitolist pig that he is was not so crazy about this one, but I love it and insisted it find it's place in the top three. Great work Brett.

Currently Reading: Louis Riel by Chester Brown. This graphic novel biography is simply amazing. Chester Brown is one of the best of the genre for sure. I give it four stars.

My lovely fiance was flipping through a "Woman's mag", a fashion oriented one with a bit of gossip and sex advice thrown in for good measure. She discovered a gruesomely, fascinating article. If we'd been on the freeway, and an accident had been this grisly we'd have felt guilty for slowing down, but we'd have slowed down.

The article featured women whose husbands were fighting in Iraq, you know, for freedom and stuff. These women, who spent every day wondering if they'd get their husband back or a small pension and a folded up flag instead were invited in to the studio to try on dresses that they could never afford to own no matter how many husbands they lost. They were made up and lit well and photographed all pretty and glamourous and sexy even.

It reminded me of the old TV show Queen for a Day, where poor housewives told of their hardships. The one whose life was deemed the suckiest got a washing machine.Looking at these women, standing in designer dresses, next to almost teary eyed, big smiling stylist, I had to wonder, if one of their husbands does die out there in the desert, do they get to keep the dress?

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Madonna Goes ShoppingThe big media event of the week is Madonna’s adoption of an African boy. As an impartial would be journalist I would hardly dare take sides on such a sensitive issue of such pressing international importance, but I am glad that it is at least being talked about; the days of rich white people being able to purchase poor African people is supposed to be in the past.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Rewatching this Chaplin masterpiece with my nephew. I'm explaining to him the historical context so he'll understand the scenes dealing with strikes and worker's marches and the many scenes of people worrying about having enough to eat. "No, those aren't bad men. They don't want to steal, but they're starving. That's why he's crying." Pretty heavy stuff to be explaining to a 9 year old.

Chaplin's socialist leanings are not subtley expressed here; Modern Times is as much a propaganda film as it is a comedy, but it works brilliantly on both fronts.

Amazing that this film is so funny while dealing head on with such subject matter. This is comedy at it's best.

I can't wait to crack open the bonus disc which features several documentaries including a 1967 short capturing the reaction of peasants in Cuba seeing their first movie ever when a travelling projectionist shows them Modern Times. There's also a promotional musical film commissioned by that king of the assembly line, Ford himself. That should be pretty funny.

(Seattle Hostel)We woke up early, moved our car to a pay lot, and then a couple more hours sleep before grabbing breakfast. Someone at the hostel recommended a cafe in Pike's Place Market. The view at the place was great, looking out over the sound, but the food was standard greasy spoon fair. They made a decent americano.

Once breakfast was done our geekfest began. We went to the aquarium and caught Caesar the Octopus in an entertaining mood. He played with the wolf eel, changed colors, climbed about and we came back to his tank to see him feed. I've seen many an octopus in many an aquarium, and this was the first time I found one in such a fun mood. All the volunteers were gathering around as it was indeed a rare site. The Seattle aquarium is tiny, but expanding. I can't wait to visit it again in a few years when the construction is done.

The geeking continued with a trip to Bodies, the display featuring real human bodies, preserved and disected every which way. Before heading in we wanted to grab a bite to eat. If we'd not been in a hurry we wouldn't have gone into an internet cafe called "Cyber Dogs". We were so glad we did. Tatiana, the owner is a hillarious and charming character. She makes a great butternut squash soup. She also makes her own vegan cheese, and serves a variety of vegetarian and vegan foods in her cramped little cafe full of computers.

"You will have to pardon me if the music is too much." she told us as we walked through the door. "It is French Day here. I'm playing French music all day and it gets a bit dirty." She spoke in an eastern European accent with maybe some east coast mixed in.

When a man went to sit at the one computer with a screen that faced away from the dining room, giving some privacy, she called out, "Oh good, you get the porn computer. That's nice." We got a picture with Tatiana and then on to the bodies.

The bodies looked more plastic than I thought they would and so at first it's not as strange standing next to a corpse as you'd imagine it would be. By the third room full of bodies and body parts though, the reality sinks in and it is a bit strange. That the display is real presented as educational rather than artistic helps. I highly reccommend the show if it comes to a town near you.

We thought we were done geeking as we made our way to my cousin's house. We stopped at a beautiful community garden that I'd discovered the last time I visited Seattle and then, on our way to the car, we spotted a sign reading "Bug Safari." Bryna (my sweetie) and I had talked seriously at one time about starting a bug zoo. I was real excited to find someone doing just that. The front of this shop is a gift shop with bug related toys, science kits, even edible crickets and meal worms. The back room is a bug zoo. We gladly paid our eight bucks and enjoyed "The Ferocious Water Bugs", along with the local millipedes, several varieties of centipedes, some tarantulas, a pair of rhinocerous beetles (my favorite,) some dung beetles and much more. The owner seemed almost weirded out by our geeky enthusiasm. We may have been a bit overwhelming. He told us a cute story about meeting his wife and on their first date talking bugs with her for two hours. His friends thought he was an idiot, but it worked out perfectly. After hearing the romantic tale I picked up a beetle paper weight for Bryna, my own geeky sweetheart.

We stopped for sushi and ordered a chef's plate. Much to our surprise and dismay the plate came with Octopus. Not wanting to waste, Brett ate the two pieces, thinking of Caesar over at the Seattle Aquarium and not really enjoying himself much at all.

Somewhere in all of this Brett discovered dog penis. While visiting Bob and Irina we met their charming friend Laura and her dog Peanut. Peanut had distemper as a puppy and it caused some nerve damage and now his little red rocket will not stay in it's silo. Brett opened his phone to make a call, and there was a photo of Peanut's penis set as the background image. He's stuck with the photo because the prank was, in his opinion, to funny to just be deleted. Everytime he used the phone after that I heard, "Goddamn Dog Penis!"

We visited my wonderful cousins, Tim and Isa and their wildman of a son Kolya. Brett entertained their dog, something he's very good at. Brett speaks dog, fluently. He hits this certain pose and the tamest, most reserved dog in the world is instantly his insane best friend, an absolute riot. We left a bit later than planned for Vancouver.

Part three and photos and links coming soon. I Promise.Read part one HERE

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Brett arrived late Sunday and then stayed up till the wee hours of morning gabbing with my sweetheart Bryna, while I tried to get some sleep. I woke everyone up at 6am Monday, we had coffee and by 7am we were driving I-5 toward Portland.

Talking, playing great tunes on Brett's new I-pod and stopping of for Thai Food in Ashland, the drive was fun and gorgeous but soooo long. By the time we reached Bob and Irina's place in Portland we were slap happy, drunk on driving, giggly and silly and not fit to be out in public. I had a shower, called my friend Allegra and we all went out to eat, more Thai food.

Allegra was delightful. I was worried that Brett and I would be a bit much as we really were quite obnoxious after being caged for so many hours, but we all had a fun time Bob told a hillarious story. It seems the first person they ran into that they knew after relocating from Sacramento to Portland was a girl who had been in one of Bob's early films. She'd been in a scene with another girl, and a naked Bob. Now, Bob makes no budget art films, no porno, in case you were getting the wrong idea. He may as well have been a porn director though from the "Oh my god, I so don't want to be running into you again EVER." reaction he got from the girl who was out with a man, possible a boyfriend or even husband. Welcome to Portland Bob.

Portland is such a pretty town. I woke Tuesday up with a bit of a headache, (a glass more wine than I need the night before which will surprise those that know me, as I rarely have more than a half a glass these days.) After doing a bit of writing (See North Korea and Live Links below) I made everyone else get up and we went out for coffee. Bob and Irina then took us out clothes shopping and book shopping and Maya Bar Shopping. I'm completely addicted to Maya Bars now.

A couple of parking tickets later and then back to our hosts' really cool new house. We put together some directions, said goodbye and headed off to The Farm, a restraraunt where Allegra waits tables. An awesom meal of Salmon and Greens for me and heirloom tomatoes for Brett. My god heirloom tomatoes are tasty.

Back on I-5 toward Seattle where we would stay at the downtown Hostel. This drive was much shorter, maybe three hours. After checking in, dropping off our luggage and checking my e-mail we headed out. I told Brett that there was a Lusty Lady right around the corner from the hostel and he was interested in checking it out. Brett's recently divorced and he was very interested in participating in some boy type activities, you know, hitting each other, drinking, looking at naked women, that sort of stuff.

The Lusty in Seattle looks just like the one in SF. Booths surround a main stage. You drop in a buck and you're granted a view of three or four women dancing about without their clothes. My window came up and an unattractive and quite clumsy woman made her way to my window. I felt bad. I wish I could find everyone beautiful but this woman was not someone I felt like objectifying, especially not when I was paying for the privelidge. A friend of mine has an annoying habit of telling me "All women are beautiful" whenever I mention that a specific woman is beautiful. Now when I see a pretty woman I tell him "She stimulates my breeding impulse." The woman almost falling down in front of me, smiling to show off missing teeth, did not stimulate my breeding impulse. I let the dollar run down, the window went dark and I switched booths.

Another dollar disappeared and a very attractive red-head came to dance in front of my window. The first woman moved over to a new window. The red-head danced, I smiled and then she looked down at my crotch and raised her eyebrows. I wasn't interested in doing anything down there. She looked again, cocked her head and smiling, raised her eyebrows suggestively once more. I smiled back and my hands remained at my side. To my surprise, she looked insulted and moved to a new window. I never even had the chance to give her the "It's not you, it's me." speech.

Waiting outside for Brett I got in some great people watching. A couple passed holding hands. The man slowed and looked in the door. His companion kept her head facing forward. He stopped. "Hey, you want to go in there?" he asked.

"No, I do not." She answered incredulously.

"I was just kidding."

Poor sap, afraid of his own wants. Brett came out, and it seems he'd had decent luck with his first dollar so he'd popped in a fiver. That's when she of the bad dental plan settled on his window.

"She stayed there through the whole five bucks! I looked a way, I tried to see around her, she refused to take a hint that I wasn't interested in her. It seemed rude to leave before the five bucks winded down so I was stuck there."

I laughed at Brett, whose bad luck was just beginning. Back at the hostel, where we were stayingin a dorm style room with at least ten beds, somebody was asleep in his bed, and it weren't Goldilocks neighther. He woke the guy up.

"Hey, buddy, you're in my bed."

"Yeah, somebody was in my bed earlier and I think they're coming back."

Brett was going to go down to the front counter, but he changed his mind. "You know, that's not really my problem. I have to get up early and I want my bed."

The man was agitated. "Yeah, I have to get up early too! I didn't want to be rude and wake the other guy up like you're waking me up."

It was bad enough he was being an ass, he was also flashing his ass. He backed off the bunk bed, his large white ass shining in my face and HE HAD TOILET PAPER SQUEEZED BETWEEN HIS BUTT CHEECKS!?!

"Oh Jesus Christ!" I said, loudly.

Brett was not happy at having to sleep in this bed now. He pulled the blanket over the top and slept on top of it, fully clothed, well tried to sleep anyway. Neither of us slept too well as a large man stomped in and out of the room throughout the night. I've stayed in many hostels, including this exact one, and I'd never had an experience like this. Unfortunatetly it was Brett's first hostel experience.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

It was late, past my bedtime at least. I figured one more refresh of Google News wouldn't hurt. The top headline informed me that North Korea had tested their first nuclear weapon. This was huge. I needed to talk to my fiance about this. I ran the short distance from the front of my apartment to the back, but my sweetie was fast asleep with the television on.

Oh well, I'd least I'd have the TV to share this momentus occasion with me. But the local news' lead story featured a talking duck, who seemed to be asking his "mama" for some "cheese". It just sounded like quacking to me, but I'm no linguistics expert. Did they not know what had happened, I wondered. Was it possible my local news station didn't have access to the internet? Maybe they're on dial up. I was giving them the benefit of the doubt as I settled in to wait for them to become aware of the situation. The duck continued asking for cheese.

That's when Lisa came on the screen. She was a very pretty and well spoken woman with a beautiful smile and she was chatting on some kind of party line with a good looking blonde fire fighter and a dark haired sultry looking cop. The men too had wonderful smiles, but it was not tooth paste they were selling. Lisa paused her pleasant conversation to let me know that I could be talking to hundreds of attractive, successful singles, right now. I dialed the numbers on my screen and dug out my credit card.

Before I could find the stimulating conversation I sought I would have to record a greeting. "Hi, my name's Keith, I'm eager to discuss the North Korean missile crisis." I was too shy to do more than wait for someone to reply. I noticed the news anchors had moved on to a local shooting, but they'd check back in with the duck later. I think they were grooming him for a correspondant position. I hoped the duck had a good internet connection.

I was getting no responses, so I perused the outgoing messages. People were looking for all kinds of things, but a stimulating dialogue about North Korea moving ahead after pressure from a united China, Japan and South Korea had them seeming to back down, was not on the list of "kinks" being proposed. I did notice many messages specified a desire not to speak to any "chubbies". Had I inadvertently, somehow given the impression that I was a chubby? I re-recorded my message adding to the end of it, "I'm no chubby, but I'm perfectly happy to talk with any chubbies. I have no preference in regards to weight." Still no reply, not a one.

I considered adding that I had a lot of money, that I was good looking, that I was intelligent in a non intimidating way. It was late, and my credit card limit is none too high. I decided to call it a night. Surely the white house will have responded by the time I wake for work, and my girl and I can discuss it all over our morning coffee, I figured. I wish I had a way to get in touch with that duck.

Sunday, October 8, 2006

Brett, aka The World Famous Lizard Boy should be arriving late tonight. I'll let him sleep for a couple of hours and then we meet DJ Junior for coffee at 5:30am. From coffee we hit the road, heading North.

We'll stop in Portland to visit Bob and Irina and my friend Allegra who I've not seen in about fifteen years or so. After Portland we make our way to Seattle, maybe a visit with my cousin Isa and her lovely family. We'll stay in the downtown Hostel, one of my favorite hostels. We'll then decide if we have time to venture up to Vancouver. I LOVE Vancouver and I haven't been there in ages.

I wish we had more time. We were going to hitchhike, and we had nine days, but Brett can't say no to gigs, and he got booked for both weekends, before and after our trip so we now have only five days. With only five days it made more sense to drive and it's less likely that we'll make Vancouver but we're going to have a great time either way. I'm sure I'll be able to blog from the road, so, check in for road adventures.

All four items feature me and my comedy stylings in one way or another.

I wrote, directed and acted in "The Vagina Monologues; The Movie" which is included with the oh so hillarious splatter pic "The Undertaker and His Pals."

I wrote and directed "Bible; The Movie" included with the legendary and hard to find disabled Kung-Fu flick, "The Crippled Masters."

I wrote and acted in much of "ICBINC: Funnier Than God", a CD that my comedy troupe recorded with producer David Houston.

And I produced and even had the pleasure of doing some writing for the DVD Demo of my comedy hero Francois Fly, featuring Francois live at The Steve Allen Theatre and as a bonus, this DVD includes Francois' first show, EVER, at an open mic night in Old Sacramento.

AFCinema's DVDs are kept cheap with black and white covers but I promise you, they do NOT cut corners on production quality. They find the BEST prints available of each film, and then remaster them (when needed) to give you a good looking DVD with quality sound and picture. For real. This is why I love working with these guys. And it's great that they put short films as a bonus on each DVD.

So get yourself some fun and bizzare movies and audio and support some hardworking local artists. Thanks.