I hate the line, "I have a bf." Why do we have to decline an advance with that? Why do we have to be attached as a reason to decline? Why not, "hey man I'm not interested!" "Hey man, I'm just here to dance, not looking for company." "Hey man, if you touch me like that again I'll make sure you'll never be able to reproduce." "No, I won't give you my phone number, because I'm not interested to have any contact with you." Guys are not used to those responses. If the shock value doesn't work, find staff help to drill the point home.

Own that shit. Own YOURSELF. Be assertive as hell and if someone bothers you too much, let staff know. Guaranteed not a single female server will let that shit fly, those girls are TOUGH and hate bullshit, because they get it in droves, even if they call on someone else to do the deed.

I absolutely agree with you, but this doesn’t happen only in bars/clubs/restaurants. Where I live catcalling is endemic and men make advances on women everywhere, even randomly on the street as you walk without stopping. (There’s also a femicide every 30hs so this is just the tip of the iceberg).
When the environment is safe enough I never use the “I have a BF” line. As I said in my comment, men should respect your wishes and not the perceived possession of another man they don’t even know.
But if I get approached on an empty street and the few faces around don’t look like possible allies, I assess my chances. We all do. Pepper spraying or kicking in the groin a guy for being annoying would likely land ME into police custody (in fact where I live it’s illegal for civilians to use pepper spray or taser weapons, for example. I still carry it, but I must consider when to use it). So saying “I have a BF” usually grants me an unpleasant feeling but releases me from the unwanted advance.

Reading this makes me so sad. It's a fair point but it's also an unfortunate one.

I'm a competitive weightlifter and honestly, I'm a huge advocate of strength training or self defense or most any sport for women because it gives you a certain physical presence but also confidence to act a bit stronger in these sorts of situations. Not that you have to use the skill set, but you know you have something to lean on. (Granted my skillset is picking things up and putting them down again/throwing them overhead but when I joke about my only defense being picking someone up and throwing them everyone agrees that's pretty adequate).

However, it still sucks that we need to have some kind of physical defense to feel safe about verbally denying interest in someone.

Absolutely. I don’t do weightlifting, but I do stay in shape and am confidently strong physically (my dad LOVES to see people’s faces when he asks me to push his car or do other stuff like that because I look very small and “girly” but I handle stuff like that with not much effort). I also took self-defense classes years ago so I have the basic skill set to try and avoid a physical attack or an attempted kidnap. But I am fully aware of my physical inferiority as soon as the man is a whole foot taller than me and about 15kg heavier. My advantage at that point is I can run really fast (for an average person) for a considerable time.
It’s terrible how aware we are of this. But I agree with you that training to be stronger is at least a temporary solution for this disadvantage.

I will never be able to overpower the average man. I'm a girl that does weightlifting, has a history of several martial arts, but I'm also only 5ft3.3 and 125lbs max. I'll avoid, ignore, walk away, verbally reject anything they say or ask, and only if even that doesn't help, initiate physical contact just to keep them at arms length, literally. I've only had to resort to that once in my life, and it caused me to be cussed out, spat in the face, and hit in the upper arm. So then I ran.

Now I put running before physically keeping them at a distance. I no longer care whether I hurt someone's feelings or whether "people" will say I overreacted. If I'm feeling unsafe and someone doesn't listen to me verbally telling them to leave me alone, I'll get the fuck out of there.

I might know how to fight, but I also know that it only takes one decently serious hit in the head from a man for me to be dazed to the point of being useless in a fight. I can't run after being hit, but I can hit after having ran.

(Heels would obviously complicate the matter, but I don't wear those often)

I used to go out without my (ex) boyfriend and some guys legitimately thought I made him up so that guys wouldn't hit on me. I was shocked that they really assumed I was lying, he just did not like going out.

And even if you were lying they should understand that you are absolutely not interested in them and give up. Who hears "I have a boyfriend" and thinks "maybe she's just lying and if I expose her I'll have a shot "

As a guy, I've used this line but never for pure physical attractiveness. If I'm saying that line its because I like the girl enough that I'm thinking long term and that naturally comes with baggage and bumpy roads.

It just bugged me as a question because most of the time, the men are basing that question on the way I look. I do have what one might call a cute face and do not look my age. Lots of curves there for the boobs and bum lovers. But I know deep within why I am single. I am hard to love. I always have been. My mental health has ruled my life. I just hate anything that is only skin deep when there is more to a person than looks. I know this because I think of the men I have dated. No oil paintings, it was largely driven by personality.

I’m ginger, I can’t tell the number of guys who feel the need to ask “does the carpet match the drapes” 🤦‍♀️.

Also - whilst I don’t mind talking about my tattoos - a surprising number of guys ask me either “are they real” or “did they hurt”. Yes they’re real, and kinda they hurt. But what answer are you expecting!?

Oh and, yes I wear leggings as pants, yes I know that guys can see my ass (my leggings are not see through) but I’m also 30. Don’t ask me what my mom/family/etc think of me wearing that. They don’t care and wouldn’t stop me even if they did!

Bwahahaha I have pink/purple/teal unicorn hair and cheeky bastards constantly ask me if the carpets match the drapes.

So one day I decided to start making it happen. I wax most of it but keep some fuzz and it's dyed hot pink to match my hair. Sometimes I even do the purple and teal as well. It honestly doesn't take long and I do it once every few weeks while I'm sitting around watching a show or putting on makeup in the morning. I use punky colours, typically.

I once went on a date with a guy off a dating app and he asked that question in the middle of a pretty nice but very busy bar. I said nothing, stood up, unzipped my pants, and flashed him some fuzz. Pretty sure nobody else noticed as we were at a corner table, but power to them if they did. I knew I wasn't interested to see him again but I guess that made him fall in love a little because he was relentless after that.

In other news- people have opinions about you wearing leggings?! Where do you live that people care about your clothing choices so much??

Omg, that’s hilarious. I’d never be that sassy! I generally shave it all off and once tried coming back going “well how you know I’ve got a carpet and not just floorboards”...thy went places I didn’t want it to go! Hopefully you managed to ditch the creepy dater without much fuss 😊.

Yeah, enough people feel the need to tell me that wearing leggings makes my ass really revealing and do my bf/family/etc mind I have so little self respect. It’s not just guys either. I live in the UK and wearing leggings is super popular so 🤷‍♀️, it’s not like there aren’t many other women wearing them!

It's a universal known fact that tattoos hurt, so why do people always ask that? Like, someone repeatedly dragged a vibrating needle across my skin... Of course it hurt! Some hurt much less than others, but they all hurt. But then again, I hate it when strangers ask me anything about my tattoos at all.

Ugh, I hate that too. I also have a few that mean nothing, and I feel like it's usually met with condescension, like I must just be young and reckless and will probably regret that when I'm older. And then the ones that do have meanings, are all meanings that I don't care to share with a stranger at a bar.

I have one that means nothing, and I have one that means very personal things that I don't intend to share with people I barely know. The ones I don't mind talking about are usually met with derision, though (I've got two that are based on romance novels).

Exactly. Everyone who knows anything about tattoos knows they hurt. Yet people still have to ask. Personally I don’t mind talking about them a bit. But some people feel like by having them I somehow owe them a detailed explanation and they can grab/pull/poke me to look at them without asking...just no!

I can’t tell the number of guys who feel the need to ask “does the carpet match the drapes”

As a guy I never got the need to ask this. I'm very much into red's but still, this always seemed stupid to me. If I'm not gonna find out in person, then it's not worth me knowing. And I'd be super pissed if someone asked my GF that.

And to be fair, I sometimes ask the "did they hurt" question incase I decide to get one some day. I've heard different body parts hurt to different degrees. And something I've noticed over the years, if you ask 20 people you get varying degrees of yes/no.

Same with beer. Even with the HUGE craft beer scene in Minnesota (there are hundreds of breweries here, I can’t even remember how many), I still get comments for ordering an IPA at some bars/restaurants.

Ha for ordering an IPA?! So weird. I think they’re making excuses to talk to you.
I work for a brewery in NC. People would often comment on light beers being “girl beers” and I cannot tell you how many times these babes came up and genuinely ordered their stout or porter and their buff boyfriend ordered the blonde or Lager. Every time in my head I was like HA! But I never said anything out loud because it’s normal. Some women like dark beer and some men like lighter beer. Or maybe it just depends on what mood they were in that evening. Stop putting people in boxes!

I hate that they think it's a conversation starter or complimentary but it's patronizing. Oh wow, you don't fit the stereotypical girl.

I work at a bar. With the exposure I have my palette is going to be different than your typical drinker but again, drinks aren't gendered so me drinking something like Ardbeg Supernova at a bar isn't that novel.

So, I met a guy on Tinder. Go to his place, watch a movie, then hook up. He hasn't been with anyone since his divorce, though, so he cums super fast. Thankfully he's old enough to care about me, too, so he starts to use his fingers.

He went to town on my clit for, I swear to all the gods, an hour straight. I have never had that many orgasms in a row before. I was literally trying to get away from his because it was just too much!

After he finally stopped (because his hand started to cramp!), he looks at me, apologizes for stopping, and asks if I came. O.o

Sometimes they're not as obvious as others, I've been with people on both ends of the spectrum so I could kinda see where he would be confused, but then again I don't know intimate details of your sexual behavior lol

THIS! Fuck off with your enquires about my ethnicity. I understand it might just be a talking point, but I get it ALL the time (multi-racial girl in a predominantly white country. You are not the first person to ask me, it’s not original. And NO, you can’t touch my hair. Usually the next question asked.

This. Ughhhhh. And not even your own appearance. I got men asking me if my SO would approve when I was buying my fucking laptop and phone. Like hell if I need his approval to buy personal devices with my own goddamn money, wtf.

While less common, I've also gotten it for running errands by myself. What, do I need a hall-pass to go about my life? What kind of creepy ass dictatorial boyfriend/husband do you have to be to think that your girlfriend/wife needs permission to have basic adult autonomy? I'd say get fucked, but with an attitude like that, fucking is likely off the table.

"Sooooo would you be down for a threesome with my girlfriend ?"
I might look slightly lesbian to people that associate lesbians with clothing stereotypes but it's not the case, 100% hetero here, just tomboy. Must be really annoying for real lesbians too.

Same goes for dating apps. The pictures show a woman only, but at some point they drop the "oh by the way I have a boyfriend who wants a threesome" bomb.
I'm all for trying new things and exploring your sexuality, but if the only purpose of creating a dating app profile is to get a threesome, then why does it not show or mention your boyfriend?

I have a good friend that was a virgin until 27. It did her no favors, it scared off a lot of guys when she mentioned it and then asked for respect that she wasn't ready for intimacy and to allow her to initiate that. Why they ask it at all is beyond me if in fact they freeze when faced with it in reality.

When I get the "magic number" question, I typically respond with, "More than 5, less than the number of members in congress." Because honestly, I have no fn idea. I'm 42, and I'm lucky if I know what day it is!

For the "How are you single?" question, well I do two things; show them the fistful of meds I take on the daily, then tell them that I haven't found a man strong enough to put up with my bullshart.

For the douche canoes that ask, "why don't you xyz like other girls?" I would tell him, if he wants a girl that does xyz, then go find one of them, cuz I ain't it, and I respect myself enough not to change for some guy.

The part about this that bothers me especially in America is that not only is it a cop out but they also never let it go either. Because if you say “fine, how are you?” in response like you are socially supposed to, they respond to it literally and go “just fine?”

inb4 they offer to come over and “cheer you up”. Like... could you fucking not?

Going on along with your theme: "WYD". Like WTF does it matter what I'm doing? What the fuck do you want? Which is usually followed up with something like "I'm just trying to get to know you". By asking me questions that 13 year old boys ask their crush once they finally get her/his number? If you're in your 30s and don't know how to communicate with a woman in her 30s, maybe you need to go live in a gotdamn forrest with the rest of the animals.

I wish I were female for a day just so that I could see what you women see on a daily basis because I have genuinely never done that. However, if so many women say it, I am sure it probably happens frequently.

I think it's like other types of sexual harassment or assault, where it's not that most men are doing it, but most women have experienced it. For the men who aren't doing it, you can still be an ally and believe women and not make excuses for perpetrators, though.

I was in Iraq, and this girl from my platoon asked me to go with her to the better chow hall because she felt uncomfortable there. I didn’t get it because she’s carrying a rifle and bayonet, but I heard the food was better there so I went with her. As soon as we walked in the door about 300 guys looked at her standing right next to me. It was creepy as fuck. All these dudes looked at her like hungry zombies. Like that movie 28 Days Later. Ever since then I’ve wondered why women don’t keep a sawed off shotguns in their purse.

Ive been this girl. In fact while I was in Afghanistan, one particularly sexist MSgt thought it would be funny to punish me with chow hall duty (sitting at the entrance and making sure everyone signs in). It was like a never ending line of horny assholes trying to get my attention and one up the last guys failed attempt at flirtation.

It's not daily for me. But there have been multiple guys here on Reddit that have asked me to look at pictures of their penis and tell them that it's normal or acceptable. To which my reaction is always WTF?

i think it's the younger generation or people who more heavily use social media. it hasn't happened to me but then again i don't post in any media with my pic attached which allows strangers to message me.

if i were a conventionally attractive young woman on the internet and strangers were allowed to message me, hell yes i would see them. i've experienced what men will say in real life, i can't imagine how much worse it is with anonymity

I get asked for fwb and they always try to pressure me into sending pictures it pisses me off so much. I get the wow you're so lame card thrown at me every ten seconds. Yeah I'm lame for not getting forced into doing sultry favors for you cry me a river.

From men, working, at their job. I've had a real headache with my car battery lately. The tow truck driver who came to jump start the car asked me this. And I don't know what to say, because my husband is in prison. But the truth would lead them to think just because there's no dick in my house, it obviously means I'm deprived and some cheesy porno situation is about to go down. And saying I'm single leads them to the same train of thought. Then going to the auto parts store to buy a battery and get asked the SAME FUCKING QUESTION by the cashier.

Like....I called your company for a car issue. Not for a personal life interview. What the fuck business is it of yours anyways. Unhook the cables and begone, sad one.

Sex questions. I don’t know why you think it’s appropriate to ask really sick, really weird, or really personal questions when you barely know me. It’s not original. It’s not sexy. It’s not cute. And it’s not appreciated. And I don’t understand it as a flirtation tactic because most women I know aren’t into it.

I know this is a lighter answer, but goddamit honey I will express a preference if I have one without you asking. Because here is what I really want.

Steak and rolls from Texas Roadhouse
Loaded curly fries from Arbys
Cooked carrots from Bob Evans
And an eggnog milkshake from McDonald's, even though they are out of season
And that one wine I like from Olive Garden whose name I can't remember

“Why are you wearing that?” In a rude tone... probably because I fking want to... it’s usually my brothers.... they think all women should wear dresses.... I can’t remember exactly what I said back but I was pissed....

Anything that is asking me to compare them to previous partners. I hate it, because the only options are to lie and save their ego (what I did in my 20s) or tell the truth and crush their souls (what I do now).

One time a guy I was chatting with asked me if I was "also into girls" followed by the drooling face emoji. As if my sexual preferences were his business and exist for his pleasure/entertainment/fantasies! Gross!

What my cup size is, and asking anything about my perspective on literally any subject because I'm a woman. EG questions about what a guy should get for his girlfriend as a gift. Man idk her, idk what she likes! I just want some buffalo wings and Pokemon cards!

"So, would you like to maybe get our kids together for a playdate?"
After reading my dating profile that flat out states, "I have two kids. That is all you need to know. You will not be meeting them I don't want to meet yours either. So don't suggest we get the kids together to play, because my kids already have friends. I am looking for someone to hang out with when I am not in mom mode."

If you are looking for something where you can become a blended family, good for you. But leave those of us not interested in that alone.

"But why not?"
In an incredulous manner that needlessly challenges things I say I don't like, don't want to do, don't have, etc. Why tf should I have to defend my preferences or factors of my existence simply because they're not what YOU THINK I should like/do/be/etc?

(for clarity, things like not feeling up to a night out sometimes, not wanting a specific type of alcoholic drink that's being offered, not having a boyfriend, not liking a certain food item... I'm not even a hard to please person, I just don't like my autonomy being challenged over things that involve my body or well-being! "No thanks, I'm good" should suffice without a freaking doctor's note).

The frequency heavily depends on environment. At work guys never mess with me, but at clubs they might, on video games it's frequent, and on social/dating apps it's really really bad.

Notice that the latter two are where it happens the most and its also places you're not likely to be around to see it. It's very frequently that women are bothered without witnesses (or witnesses who actually care), hence the desire to be taken at our word and the fear that we won't be.

Yes, thanks for insulting me. I am very clearly not a model, and asking me if I am one is the laziest approach a person could make. Congratulations on fucking up 8 different ways in one sentence, though.

Honestly, I now have a response that mostly dumbfounds them: “No, I do a lot more with my life than living off my image, walk in straight line and have my picture taken, thanks”. Then I might add what I actually do for a living.

I don’t disrespect models per se, but I noticed guys say this as a compliment so learning they’ve actually offended you leaves them off-side. I kind of enjoy it, admittedly.

Damn, the guys who call you a model sure are lucky to get slapped with a red flag the size of China in the first few seconds of meeting you.

If being called a model - a person who literally looks so good they get paid for it and who's image is so appealing, it's constantly used to sell you shit you don't even need - is considered an insult.. Boi, I don't even want to know what you consider a compliment.

I'm multiracial and for some reason guys love to ask "Are you adopted?" and "So what are you?" And then when they learn what my mix is its "No wonder you're so pretty, mixed girls are always the prettiest", its gross.

I work with a guy that asks me everyday what style and color underwear I have on. It was cute at first but it’s starting to creep me out a little. I wear skirts or dresses mostly and he always mentions when he can see a panty line. I have a feeling he may be masturbating in the restroom

Why dont you smile more? You look sad or like you are really upset. As I am trying to calculate shipments walking by big groups of people and making sure my releases get done. Not to say I dont have time to smile but I work on third shift in the quality department.

When am I going to go [insert somewhere convenient for them] and meet them? Or if I want to do that. Admittedly this is also because it triggers an emotional baggage but I generally think it's a pretty big turn off when the default is one side (me) doing all the work.

After reading the responses from women, 1- Why in the hell would any guy ask some of these questions? 2 I am now afraid of asking a woman any question! Most men I know would never ask most of these questions!

You’re all being far too sensitive, give the dudes a break they’re just trying to start casual conversation. I could understand being annoyed with, “send nudes” or “wanna fuck” or something disrespectful, but most of the comments here highlight questions like, “Are you a model?” And other flirty questions. You can’t condemn men for trying to initiate a non-threatening conversation. If they’re being disrespectful that’s one thing, but just a flirty question or comment? Don’t be so goddamned tight

Guys don't talk to me because I am intimidating but there are guys that once they discover I'm actually nice then they want me to fucking hang out. And they'll ignore my declines and will keep asking it another time. Hmmm.... I feel so heard thanks.