My own misperceptions exposed and explained briefly

During this time with my dad's health, I have reconnected with both of my siblings.

I am too sensitive so I jump to wrong conclusions at times and many many times I jumped to the wrong ones regarding my siblings and what they thought or why they did things. I was way off base in many of my perceptions.

For this reason, I am not going to post about them anymore. I was so very wrong about both. Honestly, I am NOT being snowed...they are good people who I sometimes don't understand and sometimes they don't understand me. We are different from one another,but, really, I think we all have good hearts. In fact, I know it. I will leave it at that.

I will let you all know about the health of m y dear father. I am just home now from visiting and it was very rough in many ways and tiring and sad.

I appreciate your friendship and support and ask that you validate my knowledge that I have jumped to wrong conclusions and am at peace, although stressed due to my father's situation.

I appreciate your friendship and support and ask that you validate my knowledge that I have jumped to wrong conclusions and am at peace

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And I appreciate your friendship and counsel, Serenity.

Nobody else can validate or invalidate your conclusions, past or present. You have the right to change. I do not feel that it is necessary to invalidate past perceptions and feelings, in order to embrace new and changed ones.

I did not wish this. It just happened. And I found out, in the process of talking, that I read things wrong in so many areas. I am glad to know that now.

This does NOT mean I was wrong about my mother. Her deeds, more than words, showed her contempt for me. But it is true of my siblings. The act of her disinheritance and not calling me for a decade nor sending my kids even a birthday card showed her intent toward me. However, it is time to let it go. She has been dead a long time now. Now she is in a place where she can contemplate her deeds while on earth and I am at peace.

Serenity, people change. Circumstances change. It does not mean that we were wrong, that we mis-perceived. Especially it did not mean we were foolish. That is what I think.

We change when we see the need to, and the advisability of this. You, like every other person, is and was part of a family system. Everybody has their piece of responsibility in this. To believe that you are the fool in this, cannot be so. If there was foolishness, everybody has a part. You, I, everybody.

We can mourn the past. Like I did with my mother. And I felt my whole life to have been a lie and to have been lived badly. There was no way to go back and change that. You and Cedar, helped me see that I acted for all of those years, for good reason. I will never again betray myself by putting upon myself all of the "blame" or "foolishness." I was helped through this by you both.

These times as our parents die, bring up all kinds of horribleness, not just the loss, but loss of parts of ourselves. We need to stay present and try not to abandon ourselves. This is not what your father wants, and I do not believe you want that either.

You have worked too hard. Stay present. Try not to look back, and to judge. Yourself or anybody else. That is our task. Especially with our parents. Because after all they are us and we are them more than we will ever be able to know.