Gordon Brown aims to win Chelsea by-election

Prime Minister Gordon Brown believes the Labour party has a good chance of winning the job at Chelsea after the departure of Avram Grant.

The embattled PM needs a win under his belt after defeat by Crewe And Nantwich threw his hold on the premiership into doubt.

"Chelsea is a key constituency for us," said Brown, "and I feel that if we put up Tony Banks as a candidate we could win the job. We are listening to the fans and we are planning for the long term."

David Cameron, who has many friends in Chelsea and surrounding areas, said Mr Brown was deluding himself. "His time has come. He doesn't have the support of the dressing room, and he would only waste Roman Abramovich's money on consultants while cutting back costs and putting up ticket prices.

"We, on the other hand, are a new improved Conservative party. We wear blue, and we are inclusive - we really don't mind associating ourselves with oiks, riff raff and darkies."

Bookmakers have laid odds on the job going to a foreign immigrant.

Make Angus McFiddle's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The Secretary General of the United Nation, Ban Ki-moon, announced at a UN assembly that the United Nation has officially classified Texas as a totalitarian government after the state government refuses to respect the U.S. constitution.
The state...

Odessa Tx:Sen Ted Cruz(R)TX has a secret, and he is about to expose it in an upcoming issue of "Horse and Hound" magazine.
Cruz has been busy doing a cover shoot for the equestrian inclined mag since April. "I'm sooooo excited about this cover...

Cyberspace - Online satire publisher The Spoof has begun encrypting bits of its website to make it harder for hackers and cyber spies to monitor the stories its readers are enjoying.
"We want our users to feel real secure," the virtual Editor exp...

After decades of intense hostility, the United States and Cuba have finally agreed to let bygones be bygones and have a fresh start to an era of civility between the two arch-enemies.
Diplomats from both countries signed a treaty stipulating the...

The first ever match between a Sunni and Shiite boxer will take place at Nomadison Square Garden Tent in Baghdad this fall. Kamul Jawkhee and Reghed Saniger will take to the ring in a bout that will determine who will be the next heavyweight champion...

Krak des Chevaliers, Syria - Cops have taped a phone call from a top ISIS commander on the blower to his Mom in the London suburb of Barking, Isle of Dogs, moaning about the theft of his crack stash.
Jihadi John, a.k.a. Mhamed Emwazi bin-the-Khaz...

Saying goodbye to the euro, and not wanting to reintroduce the dreaded drachma, Greece has named its new currency the "big gyro."
Stefan Poopadoopalot, spokesman for what's left of the government in Athens, outlined exactly what goes into a bi...