Mom Answers

With almost everyone going through this has anyone stopped to ask 'why?'?
I believe a lot of the issues we experience today are due to the changes we have made with advances in our social structures. Thousands of years ago we lived in tribes as a close community. Children, like other young animals, would wrestle and learn consequences of hurting others. Now, in today's society, we expect children to respect each others space, share (an interesting concept since adults would find it strange to have to share with a stranger who demanded to use their belongings), and never hit or show any other exploratory behaviours that involve personal space. I too have a two year old experiencing similar issues. I am also a child psychologist specialising in the neuroscience - physiology of behaviour (how brain chemicals effect behaviour). I am also interested in how nutrition effects behaviour and learning.
I am considering setting up playgroup that gets back to basics. Allowing children to naturally interact, and teaching parents how to intervene constructively and effectively. I am not sure if parents would be interested in such a class. But please let me know if it would be something you would consider joining. And questions you would have before joining. I think this is a problem that so many people are at a loss to get through.

Since John could look at us and purposely do something he was not supposed to do our no was accompanied with a finger flick to the hand. First a warning, then a finger flick. Now Sometimes the finger flick doesn't stop him if he is really determined but 2 or 3 almost inevitably does. When he started hitting, I tried fake crying, which worked for 2 days. Then redirecting by saying gentle which works like 60 percent of the time. But now, when redirecting doesn't work I say no and flick his hand. Or show him the finger flick "signal" he has always backed down. In this way I feel John is learning a healthy respect for limits, he is a little too young to understand time out. This has also prevented him from getting into dangerous things like electric a ockets or someone else's cabinets. Most of the time I just have to say no and he gets it. If he is really interested, then just the flick hand signal works. Now flicking is only used for his most determined times. It sure beats yelling.

My wife and I have had these problems from our 3 year old boy. He would repeatedly run up and hit my wife in the face and tell her to shut up. It got to be a every day thing. It got to the point that when we would go to the store if he didnt get what he wanted he would throw a fit. He would hit her in the face, and look right at me and tell me to piss off. Listen time out and ignoring does not work for all kids. I love my little boy with all my heart, I said enough is enough. So what I did was I had him pick out 10 out of his toy boxtoys 5 that he like the most and 5 he didnt. When he would throw his fits. I would pick up the 5 toys that he like the most and put them in a trash bag and sit them by the door. If he kept the fit up they went "in the trash". If he was good he got 1 toy back. I had to show tough love.

this isn't a answer but I know how you are feeling my toddler is 26 months ( two years and two months) and he spits on me hits, scratches, pinches, slaps, punches, kicks, and pulls almost everything. And in our culture kicking is a great sign of disrespect. I sometimes get so frustrated with the hurtful hits I sometimes hit him back and say "no! stop!" but all he does is laugh. I've been thinking about therapy but -he is- just a 2 year old and he just likes to abuse people. Though I don't find it amusing. I agree that I do spoil him because he always gets his way or he won't stop crying so I give him everything he wants. I think that's one reason to blame this hitting that goes on daily, it's gotten so much worse to wear he is screaming in my face just to get his way. I really have gotten so annoyed with this, that I'm thinking I should take away toys and things I'm "okay" with him doing. Hopefully this will solve some problems.

I think it is ridiculous that people actually criticize others for giving their experiences. I think that not every child responds the same way to spanking, talking, stern nos, time outs....please do not criticize. if you have something to add or some advice to give that is helpful great. If not, keep your trap shut. That is my 2 cents. To everyone else...thank you for sharing. It is nice to know that good parents have the same problems.

I've read through a bunch of these replies and it seems like most of your children started the hitting phase around 18 months, has anyone had it start earlier? My daughter only just turned 1 a few weeks ago and this has been going on for at least a month or 2. My husband and i tried the light tap on the hand a few times but it was counterproductive, she just hit more, we've tried the firm "No" and she laughs and will generally hit again, we've tried holding her hands but she gets angry and screams and doesn't calm down until she's free from our grip...and generally hits again, her pedi recommended putting her down right away if we're holding her or moving away from her and ignoring her for a few minutes, our lack of attention being the punishment, but, she doesn't seem to care at all, she's too young for timeouts...any suggestions???

My 17 month old has been slapping us and everything since about 2 months ago. The past month has gotten worse with us. I am starting to get rele worried that he has an anger or behavior problem. We've always played a little roughly with him cus hes a boy and he loves it. Wut I believe started it was wen I taught him to "high five" and "low five" ever since then he thinks its funny to slap. The first few times he hit me in the face I thought it was a joke n nothing big so I would lightly run my hand down his face n laugh, so of course I kno the source of it cus now he thinks its funny. He hits everyone n everything now. Especially us and cats. He hits his toys, especially cus most his toys r like drum type things (could toddler toys b a source too?!???) I only joked with him about it a few times til I noticed it being an issue now I try to grab his hand wen he hits and say no we dnt slap. Hasn't improved yet but hoping it will with consistency and age..

Hitting back causes more hitting? That doesn't make sense at all to me. A baby horse learns by following it's mother, however, if the foal bites the mother, the mother will bite back. It's fair, and makes perfect sense to the baby. Any other species that learned by mimicking it's mother has the same thing happen if they try biting. Totally unemotional cause and effect, and predictable as a shock fence.

I am not sure what really works! I have a 19- month- old who hits constantly. I have tried holding his hand, sitting him on my lap, looking him directly in the eyes, using a stern voice, tapping his little hand (lightly), making him lay down for minutes at a time, but to no avail. He hits me when I tell him no or when I takes something away from him that he shouldn't have in the first place. He runs up to me with such force and hits me, throws himself down on the floor and kick, and sometimes even hit the furniture or whatever is before him. Just Sunday, he hit one of our church member just because. I really don't know what else to do and I don't want to let him just do whatever, because if I do, then he will think that he can exhibit that same behavior no matter where he is or who he's with. As soon as you figure out what really works, please let me know.

my daughter when she was 8-9 months old, started hittting (anybody including herself), i tried the same ..holding her hand and looking into her eyes with a firm no... once she cried but after that she controlled herslf. however, of late (she is 1 yr old now) she had fever (change in weather), after that her hitting has restarted.... now the holding hand and looking into her eyes is not working.... she hits herself also... wht should i do :(

This Internet site provides information of a general nature and is designed for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your own health or the health of your child, you should always consult with a physician or other healthcare professional. Please review the Terms of Use before using this site. Your use of the site indicates your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use.

This site is published by BabyCenter, L.L.C., which is responsible for its contents as further described and qualified in the Terms of Use.