You know how good Play-Doh smells? How one sniff of a freshly opened container
can somehow just lift your mood and send your mind back to those carefree days
of elementary school?

Well, you will be just delighted to learn that a cologne company called Demeter
makes a Play-Doh Cologne Spray.

According to advertising copy at the company’s website, the fragrance is “meant for highly-creative people who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their
childhood.” Which I guess is better than saying that you’ll walk around all day smelling like a hygiene-challenged second-grader’s hands.

Doesn’t it seem obvious that there are things that most people think smell good, but
would not be a good idea for a cologne? I mean, what’s next after Eau de Play-Doh? Cologne that smells like a box of crayons?

Uh-oh.

Advertising copy at the same website: “Crayon cologne. Inspired by childhood...smells just like that new box of crayons
you opened on your first day of school!”

I can imagine, for guys who once had a crush on a kindergarten teacher, a woman
who smells like Play-Doh or crayons might be just about irresistible. Imagine
the romantic talk that these scents could inspire: “My dear, when I’m with you, I want to take a pair of dull, blunt-ended scissors, cut
construction paper into strips, and use Elmer’s glue to create a multi-colored chain of love.” Or something like that.

So maybe this crayons and Play-Doh thing isn’t so bad. I mean, it’s not like somebody walking around all day smelling like a giant Tootsie Roll.

Uh-oh.

From the same site: “Tootsie Roll Cologne Spray is a luscious and delectable combination of fudge,
caramel, chocolate and vanilla that brings back childhood memories of simple
and easy pleasures.”

Yessir, what lady doesn’t want the phrase “simple and easy pleasures” associated with her on a first date?

Now, it’s been a while since I’ve been part of the dating “scene,” so I may be a little “out of touch” to the point of being a “total loonball whackjob bozo,” but do wearers of cologne or perfume really want to smell like “fudge, caramel, chocolate and vanilla?”

That sounds like what somebody who works the counter at Baskin-Robbins smells
like before they change out of their work uniform.

Of course smelling like a giant Tootsie Roll could not possibly be worse than
the situation I find myself in every second or third trip to the grocery store,
in which I’m trapped in the checkout line behind a sweet older lady who has apparently just
survived a near-tragic plunge into a vat of perfume, was hoisted out by
fragrance factory lifeguards, and has yet to begin decontamination procedures.

This is why most supermarkets sell little packs of Kleenex by the register, so
you can grab one in a hurry when you start to sneeze in response to the
checkout line olfactory assault.

So here’s where I think Play-Doh perfume could be a good thing: if the overly-fragranted
supermarket ladies could be persuaded to wear it instead of the powerfully
flowery kind that they typically favor, it would be a definite improvement.

Or maybe even convince them to wear a perfume that smells like Junior Mints.

I just made that up. Such a product couldn’t possibly exist, could it?