Putting Each Other First

Putting each other first. It’s a highly talked about topic in marriage and parenting. I remember reading an article about Giuliana and Bill Rancic and how they strongly believe in putting each other and their marriage first before their baby. But what does this mean? I feel like there’s some grey area involved. I’m not an advocate for doing one or the other because I don’t really know where the defining boundaries are, but I do believe that you must consciously think about your partner when the baby comes. I’ve been guilty of being so exhausted every night that I just want to crash right when I put Noah to bed. Sometimes I have to stop myself and realize that maybe Dylan and I should put on a movie, set our phones aside, and have some “us time”.

It’s a guarantee that when your first baby comes into your world your life is going to change in a big way, but that doesn’t mean your relationship should change. This has been on my mind lately because I’ve noticed more little arguments and tension between Dylan and I since Noah has come along. We’re under a lot of pressure because we own our own business and we do contracting work. Nothing about our current work situation is stable and if we don’t hustle everyday we may not be able to continue doing what we’re doing. We sat down last night after putting Noah to bed and had some time to talk about how all of this is affecting us. Being aware of your situation and your partner’s feelings are huge when the baby comes. Sitting down to talk and be open about how you’re feeling is so important. After our talk I decided I was going to blog about the topic and share 3 tips on how you can continue to show your partner your love after baby. I thought this would be beneficial for my readers and also for Dylan and I.

1. Schedule a weekly date night.

Let’s be honest a real out of the house date night may not be possible every week, but you can still have a date night. Plan something fun that you can do one night after you put the kids to bed. For Dylan and I this would look something like making a huge comfy creation on the floor in front of the tv- full of blankets and pillows, cooking up our favorite late night snacks, and putting on a new movie that neither of us have seen. If you can get out of the house once a week by having a babysitter lined up then get out and do something fun that you used to enjoy before baby arrived.

2. Do little things for each other

This doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. Sometimes just offering to rub your partner’s shoulders is enough. Doing the dishes, helping with the laundry, letting your partner get out of the house and do something fun for them while you watch the little ones. These small gestures can go a long way and make your partner feel loved and appreciated.

3. Think before speaking

This is pretty huge, especially if you’re stressed out. Maybe your trying to get something done for work, the baby is crying, and you snap at your partner because the tension is high. When you’re in this situation try to take a deep breath and think before you speak. There’s nothing worse than speaking out of stress and frustration.

Have any tips for continuing to show your partner love after baby? I’ll be implementing these into my life and I hope you do too!

This is such a wonderful and much needed article! We have a 6-month-old (also Noah!) and for the first 3 months I feel like my husband and I were strangers. We didn’t have time to talk and when we did it was about Noah. We couldn’t figure out how to schedule simple things like meals together. It started effecting us dramatically. We sat one night to talk about it and came to the conclusion that while Noah is OUR number 1, his life will be effected if mom and dad cabt get their you know what together. It has been so wonderful since then! Great post!

I think doing little things for each other is a big one. I mean, spouses are the only ones who should be doing the little things for each other. We sleep together, have pillow talk, massages, even taking out the trash is a huge deal because no one else is going to do it. Great post, thanks for sharing!

I definitely agree that it’s important to focus on the marital relationship even after becoming parents, but I have found that it works much better for our family to do family time. We do family dates and enjoy the time as parents and as a couple Dresses & Denim

Such a great post! I just had twins, and already have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old so much husband and I scarcely have time alone. But doing little things for one another and communicating has always been our way of making sure the other knew we put them first in our minds and always had them in our thoughts even if we were surrounded by kiddos.

Thanks so much for sharing these tips! We have a 19 month old and I still need to remind myself we had each other before her and if we didn’t have each other she wouldn’t be here. It’s really hard to put eachother first. I was so caught up in the new baby it was a struggle. I agree with your date night. And having one in Is just as good as going out. For me it took me a long time before I was ready to leave her with someone. We also like to leave eachother notes in the morning and that is nice to wake up too ;). Just saying we love eachother or to have a good day. Also remembering alone time is ok too. You get out or let Dylan go out for a few hours with his friends or play video games like my husband likes. The newborn years are the hardest. You e got this!!

This is such great advice. We are constantly working on improving our relationship and what it looks like being parents of two young boys and still being “us” as a couple. A lot of parents with grown children have emphasized the importance of continuing to focus on your marriage because at the end of the day, you’re left with each other. Not the kids, but your spouse who you started this journey with in the first place. You can never lose sight of that.

This is always a good topic for couples to keep in mind! I admit that my husband and I struggle quite a bit with finding couple time and I don’t know that while the kids are young that it will ever be easy. But the tips you share are great starters to at least get the ball rolling, and of course, the key is to do these things consistently. We don’t live anywhere near close family members, so unfortunately, real date nights for us are few and far between because babysitting can be tough to wrangle. Great reminders, though!

Great post!! We also have crazy work schedules, so it definitely takes some conscious thinking to make sure that you are putting the effort into your relationship with your spouse. All I can add to your list is that this type of attention does not end when you baby is no longer a “baby”. We have a 4 year old daughter and we still implement all of these things to make sure that we are caring for our relationship as well as parenting our daughter. Husband/wife should always come before baby. You will be teaching your child what a good marriage looks like, and, once your child is grown and out of the house, you and your spouse will still be connected and have a healthy relationship for the rest of your lives. So many couples focus only on the kids until they are all grown and out of the house and they neglect their marriage. This results in the parents no longer really knowing their partner and their marriage is not as strong as it once was. So bottom line is that you need to put in the effort with your spouse while you are raising your kids to keep a happy, healthy marriage 🙂