Category: Marriage

The last book I read, well listened to, compliments of Audible, was Jackie Bledsoe’, “The Seven Rings of Marriage”. The entire book was excellent and I’d recommend anyone married, engaged or hoping to someday be married, read it. The final chapter of the book, “Marriage Mentors”, got me thinking about my own marriage mentors and the value they’ve played on my understanding of how relationships work.

I’ve never seen my parents kiss. I’ve seen them hug at funerals or roll out of a hug when they heard me walking into a room, but I’ve never seen them kiss. Never! I should mention that they are happily married and have been for almost 40 years.

The thing about motherhood is that you discover this new spectrum of love and pain you never knew existed. You never knew the capacity of love could stretch so far nor the depths of pain. It makes your heart raw, exposed. It’s terrifying. But once it’s happened, once you know this new depth of love you can’t unknow it, you can’t unfeel it, you can’t unwant it.

With the birth of my son came 3 life changing love lessons:

#1 You are stronger than you know

“He’s tangling in his umbilical cord,” the doctor said calmly. “I know you didn’t want a Cesarean birth, but this is what we need to do right now”. Eight or nine doctors rushed into the room and quickly wheeled me down a hall. “Will I be awake or asleep? Awake or asleep?” I mumbled as doctors lifted me from one table to another and strapped me down. This is the last thing I remember before waking up in a new room to my mother and husband. Continue reading →

Originally I wanted to title this post, “how to succeed in an interfaith marriage” but it’s only been 7 years. And that’s the tough thing about marriage, right? It’s til death do us part. We don’t call it a success until it’s over! LOL!

I however, did date my husband for 10 years and we’ve now been married for 7 years. After all that time I do believe I’ve learned a lot about being in a relationship with someone of a different religion.

Some people would say “life is already so hard, don’t complicate it further by marrying someone of a different faith”. And you know what, in some ways, I agree.At 19 I didn’t care about that and I didn’t understand the importance of it. By the time I was thinking about marriage I was already in love with my husband and I couldn’t just walk away. I suspect that if you are reading this, then perhaps you are in a similar predicament. Maybe you are asking yourself …”Am I doing the right thing? Can an interfaith marriage really work?

I’ve thought about this a lot and I believe there are 7 major questions/ideas you should consider when you’re debating marrying someone of a different faith.

Why do married people say that marriage is so hard? This is the question I asked myself repeatedly before getting married. Were they all just in bad marriages? Surely mymarriage would be different. What could be so hard about spending your life with your best friend? Shouldn’t that be easy?

I have now been married for 1 year and 7 months. I think marriage is a gift from God. It is the best thing I could have done, and I love my spouse more than words can express……BUT….. MARRIAGE IS HARD. In this article I will share my opinion of why I think people say marriage is hard. To all my married readers who have been in it for much longer, I hope you will share even more perspective in the comments.

Today’s article list 12 Dating Mistakes I made and what I learned from them. If one in particular stands out for you, be sure to click on the linked article to read even more on the topic.

#1 Investing too much too soon

In my early to mid 20’s my life was a mess. I was not financially independent, I bounced between apartments and jobs. While I should have been spending all of my time investing in myself, I thought I had time, money and effort to invest in men I was dating. For example: After only 2 dates, I agreed to do a pro-bono project for a guy. When the project was finished so was the guy. I was pissed with no one to blame but myself. Furthermore the project did not lead to future paid work. Are you fixing the right person? How investing too much in significant others can be detrimental to your own growth.

Before getting married I was eager to be married. But I gave little thought to my own preparedness for marriage. Now that I’m married there are things I’m grateful I experienced and things I wish I’d spent more time developing. Here are 6 things I recommend everyone do before getting married.

Pregnancy is an exciting time for a couple, but it can also be a challenging 40 weeks. If you are the supporting partner here are 10 things you can do to help your spouse.

1. Book prenatal massages

Midway through the second trimester everything begins to feel uncomfortable. By the third trimester back pain is ridiculous, restless leg syndrome may set in, the hips begin to hurt from the extra weight and etc etc. Sleeping through the night requires the perfect juxtaposition of body pillows which is then interrupted every 20 mins. for potty breaks. Giving your partner daily back massages helps a lot. Additionally if you can afford to, book your partner a few professional prenatal massages. At 31 weeks my husband booked me a prenatal massage and it was the most comfortable I’ve felt in the entire pregnancy. I can not emphasize how grateful I was.

My husband and I had a short 4 month engagement and an under $6,000 wedding. As a former wedding videographer, I’d attended hundreds of weddings. I’d even seen couples storm out of their receptions in separate cars, furious with one another under the heightened stress of too much spending and the imperfections of the big day. Wedding photos were beautiful but behind the scenes a lot of shit went down. I always knew that if I ever got married, I’d keep things simple, small and drama free. I didn’t want the frustration of a year of wedding planning to stray my fiance and I away from the ultimate goal of marriage. Unfortunately, some drama is harder to avoid that we think. Patiently Waiting to Get Engaged

This past week a friend of mine got engaged and left this comment in her status,

“the MINUTE you stop nagging…the ring appears!”

This led me to reflect on my own engagement and the journey to getting engaged. My husband and I dated for 2 1/2 years before getting engaged. At the one and a half year mark I brought up marriage.

Initiating Marriage Talk

I remember reading an article that stated that women in long term relationships WOULD need to bring up the topic of marriage. Even in healthy happy dating relationships men get comfortable and unprompted to push things to the next level. Women would need to be the ones to present the idea.

This week’s Perspective Wednesday piece is a guest post from BeThatWoman from the Women’s Empowerment blog BeThatWoman.net.

Life after divorce can either be exciting or scary. It really depends. If you wanted the divorce, it may serve as a relief and an opportunity to start over. But if you were caught totally off guard you may feel devastated by the idea of having to date again. For me, it was a little of both. The reason for my divorce was that I got sick of the abuse. After the divorce a mixture of mental, emotional, and physical abuse left my self-esteem in the dumps. While I felt a sense of relief from getting away from that toxic marriage, I was also terrified and dreading having to put myself out there in the dating scene, especially with four kids.

I was given advice by several people to take at least a year to be by myself before I tried dating again. “You need to find yourself.” they would say. “I don’t want to wait. I have been through hell and I am ready to be loved. I want to meet someone who is going to treat me right and love and respect me like I deserve.” I would reply back.