I don’t ask for much in this life, other than an ageless super model girlfriend who poops million dollar bills, but if Houston Texans RB Arian Foster could grab me about 160 yards and 4 touchdowns against the Jets’ horrible run defense tonight, that would be groovy like a disco movie.

They're winning games with a third string quarterback and have overcome at least 14 key injuries every week to advance to the playoffs for the first time in history, but as good as it gets, it gets just as bad.

Welcome to another installment of Wild Card Wednesday, as I try to cram together all of the awesome, random things that we've been missing out on in favor of the big stories and half-naked Marisa Miller.

Remember when LaDainian Tomlinson was in his prime, just an absolute beast like a second coming of Marshall Faulk, and everyone thought he was this quiet, reserved, and classy athlete that never spoke out in a critical fashion, but then he lost to the New England Patriots and we couldn’t shut him up.