True Confession (1937) Movie Script

Mrs. Zimmerman, Tony Krauch. Mr. Zimmerman's wife's cousin Tony Krauch. Tony Krauch. Mrs. Zimmerman's wife's cousin. Mrs. Zimmerman's maiden name is Durphy. Tony Krauch. Tony Krauch, Mr. Zimmerman's wife's cousin. Meat bill. Meat bill. - Kenneth Bartlett's office. - Hello, Ken, I got one! - I got a case for you. - Yeah? Well, who is it? What's it about? You know Zimmerman's Meat Market, two stores this side of the corner? You know the Zimmerman that's gonna sue us if we don't pay? Well, it's not Mr. Zimmerman, but it's Mr. Zimmerman's wife's cousin. - B-But what's happened? - I'm telling you. Tony Krauch is in trouble. He's accused of stealing a carload of hams. Mrs. Zimmerman knows that you're a lawyer, and she thinks maybe if you handle the case for Tony Krauch, we'll be able to pay her husband for the meat. - Isn't it wonderful? - And he didn't do it, did he? He didn't really steal the carload of hams, did he? Oh - I forgot to ask, but probably he didn't, Ken. Well, I'm sure he didn't. But even if he did, you've got to take the case. You just can't represent people who aren't guilty. You can't afford to. If he didn't do it, I'll be glad to represent him. But if he - if he's guilty, I won't touch it. You know that. He's on his way to your office now. Mrs. Zimmerman just called him up. If you get Tony Krauch acquitted, Mrs. Zimmerman has another cousin, a lady cousin, who wants a divorce. Ken, this is the biggest break you've ever had. Will you let me know how it comes out? Will you let me know just as soon as you've talked to Tony Krauch? Sure I'll call ya. I'll let you know what happens. And here's hoping. And will you please take the case, even if he- I mean, will you let me know right away? Yes, I love you too. Good-bye, honey. Good luck. H- How- How do you do? I'm Tony Krauch. Oh, y-yes. My wife, Mrs. Bartlett, uh, phoned that you were coming here and- They can't prove nothin'. Fine. Naturally, when a- when a man is innocent- Mr. Krauch, I'll admit frankly I'm far from being a prominent attorney, but I do have certain principles and a code of practice to which I strictly adhere. ['m, uh - Well, ['m a stickler for honesty. Okay by me. What I mean is I must know right at the start whether you stole the hams or didn't steal them. Of course I didn't steal no hams. Well, then that settles everything. I'll be glad to represent you, and I'm certain we shall prove your innocence in a court of law. You tell 'em. I got alibis, plenty of alibis. Good. Uh, now, Mr. Krauch, before we delve into the facts, I think we should have a perfect understanding. I'm very happy to represent you, and I'm going to ask a fee of one hundred dollars. Okay by me. That's fine, Mr. Krauch. Now, of course, you gotta wait. Wait? Yeah, for your dough. I mean until I sell the hams. Mmm. Hello. Hello. Oh, Ken. Ken, what happened? - He stole the hams. - But what happened? - You turned him down? - In a way. I mean, I threw him out. You threw him out? Ken, doesn't it mean anything to you that you've just thrown out the cousin of our butcher's wife? Where are we gonna get our meat now? And where are we gonna get the money to trade any place... if you won't take a case when it's offered to you? Oh, Helen, how can you talk like that when I've told you the man is guilty? Well, I don't care whether he's guilty or not. Somebody's got to represent him. Who are we- Helen, listen. I love you, but I'm not going to argue with you about a man... who promises to pay me out of the money he gets for selling the hams. All right. I love you too. See ya tonight. Good-bye. Hello? Mr. Krayler, please. Helen Bartlett. Oh, yes. Hello, Mr. Krayler. Yes, yes, I've been thinking it over. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't take the job. Thanks. It's awfully nice of you to offer it. Oh, certainly, Mr. Krayler. Tomorrow morning? Thank you. Good afternoon. Mr. Davenport's office. Oh, Helen. Daisy, I want you to come over right away. Yes, I have to see you. Say, what do you think I am? I can't get up and walk out of the office in the middle of the afternoon. - What's it all about? - Well, I can't tell you on the phone. Come on over. I told ya, I can't leave. Anyway, I have a date later. Well, what is it? If you can't tell me over the phone, I just won't hear it, that's all. I have to stay here and finish some letters and take care of the office. You won't come? Oh, Daisy, then I'll have to tell you. I went to the medicine cabinet, and I was dizzy. I got the wrong bottle and- Oh, Daisy! The wrong bottle? Helen! Hello! Hello! Helen! She's poisoned! Where is she? Helen.! How do you feel? What was it? Which bottle? Hmm? I said- You were lying again. You didn't take poison. Oh, that. I just had to see you, Daisy. I suppose it doesn't mean a thing to you that I practically have heart trouble from rushing over here. I'm sorry, but you have to help me out. Oh, what is it this time? Another of your fairy tales? No, honest, Daisy. Ken isn't doing well. My stories aren't selling, so I - Well, of course, they aren't selling. The people you write about - they're crazy. Who could believe 'em? I believe them! I live every story with them! Why, those publishers- Oh, but like I said, we aren't doing well financially, so I got a job. No. Yes. And what'll Ken say? He won't say a word, 'cause he's not gonna know. Oh, that's grand. A wonderful insurance for a happy marriage. Got any cold water? Uh- Helen, if you think you can hold down a job six days a week without Ken knowing it- It's five days a week. Well, all right, five. I still say that you can't- And $50 a week. And three hours a day. And guess what I am. No, thanks. Well, I'm a private secretary to a broker. Are you serious? Of course I am. And who thought to offer you a proposition like that? Mr. Krayler, Mr. Otto Krayler. He was an old friend of my father. Mmm, five days a week, three hours a day, $50 a week, private secretary to a broker- And you can't even take shorthand. Well, I can learn. That's not all you're gonna learn. Helen, you're stark, staring mad. I am not! Well, all I can say is, it was nice knowing you... while you were happily married, and I'll be seeing you. You don't need me. I do! I'm all excited, and Ken will notice if we're alone and ask questions. You know how lawyers are- asking questions, practicing. Well, I still have a date, so let him pract- Ooh! Hello. Hello. Who's that? Well? I'll pay you next week. Don't make me laugh. You owe me $12, and I'm here to get the typewriter. You got your nerve! Get out of here. Don't make me laugh. Nothing could make you laugh. Listen, I really mean it. I'll pay you next week. Will you please leave the typewriter here until then? I- I need it for my business. No. Good-bye, baby. [f your business wasn't bad, you wouldn't owe $ 12 on the typewriter. Don't touch that! Why not? All right, go ahead. Why should I worry about what's gonna happen to you? Huh? Huh? I said go ahead and take it. What do you mean about ''what's gonna happen''? I was talking about my husband. Go ahead and take it. Maybe he won't see you. Your husband? I'm not afraid of your husband. Don't make me laugh. That's because you don't know what's wrong with him. Why? What is wrong with him? He's insane. Helen! Well, never mind, Daisy. He mightjust as well know. You mean your own husband is nuts? Absolutely nuts. Ohh. All right, your husband's batty. So what? Is he locked up? No. We're trying to get him away quietly. He's been insane ever since we lost our baby. But- Oh, I'm sorry, lady. Mmm. First time I realized he was insane was about a week ago. It was 2:00 in the morning. I woke up and I saw a light in here. So I got up and I tiptoed in. And there was my husband- my own husband- smiling at that typewriter and talking baby talk and patting it. Patting it? Like this. It was heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking, when it dawned on me what had happened. He thinks that typewriter's our baby, our little Harold. But- That's a cute- cute name- Harold. Take the typewriter. Maybe you can get away with it before he comes home. If you meet him, though, you'll never walk through that doorway alive. Do you remember what Ken said last night? You mean when the three of us had gone to bed? No. About the baby. He stood there patting it, and he turned to us and said, ''Do you know, I love my baby more than life itself. And I'll kill the first person who tries to harm it.'' Oh, that. Why, a guy like that oughta be locked up. But- Why, a guy like that can- can cause a lot of trouble. Well, we can't take him away too suddenly. He becomes violent. We'll have to pretend some Sunday we're going to his uncle's farm to pick hazelnuts. Ha- Well, the best thing for me to do is to get this baby- get this typewriter out of here right away. Well, suit yourself. It's your own risk. Hello, there. How's my baby? Baby? Oh, hello, Daisy. Hello, Ken. Didn't know you had guests. Oh, Ken, I want you to meet Daisy's friend, Mr. McDugal. This is my husband, Mr. Bartlett. Daisy's friend? Mmm. Eh- - How do you do? - Oh, how do you do? I'm glad to know you. Mr. McDugal was just leaving. He brought Daisy over. Well, uh- What in the worid? ''My Loved One.'' Who put it over there? Oh, I put it there. It was tired. [t was what? Yeah, as the lady was saying, I was just about to leave. Oh, don't hurry off. Sit down there. ['ll go out and mix up a batch of poison. Poison? He's not gonna poison me! What happened? What was he yelling about? Oh, uh, I-I don't know. Yes, you do, Daisy. You told me he goes crazy... every time he hears the word ''poison'' on account of he got drunk one night on some bad liquor. Remember? Of course. I'm sorry. I was talking about cocktails. How far does he usually run? Oh, uh,just to the corner and back. He usually waits for me downstairs. I thought he was a queer sort of duck. Where did you meet him? Uh- U-Uh, well- She, uh - They went to school together. Oh, we went to school together. Say, what is this? What's what? Well, I have to leave now. Mr. McNoonan is waiting for me. No, he isn't. His name isn't McNoonan. It's McDugal. Well, that's what she said. That's what I said. Good-bye. Hey, wait a minute. Daisy! And I hope you choke. It was- It was too bad about the client today. Yes, it's too bad he was dishonest. Oh, yes. I can't stand a liar. You know that. Mm-hmm. Who was that man? What man? Who was he? Oh- Oh, you mean Daisy's boyfriend, Mr.- M-Mr. McCormack? McDugal. Oh, yes, Mr. McDugal. Why did he run out of here? Oh, I told you. He ate some bad, uh, lettuce once, and it- Someday, right in the middle of one of your lies, I'm gonna put on my hat and walk out that door. I'm going to walk all the way to China. Who was that man? Well,just because Daisy brings her boyfriend over, a crazy boyfriend that- that she met in her office, I- At school. That's what I meant. All right. He came to take the typewriter away, and I didn't want him to take it. And so what did you do? Well, I told him that you thought the typewriter was your baby, and if he took it, you'd kill him. In other words, you told him I was crazy. Well, yes. See? Now I've told you the truth, and you're mad. I'm not angry. I was just thinking I could wring your neck, that's all. I don't blame you. I didn't mean to tell him that. It just popped out. As usual. Like the time I walked into the room... and discovered you'd told people I was a reformed bank robber. That was only because all the other women were bragging about their husbands- And that time I met the Ralstons on the street after you'd told them... we couldn't play bridge because I was in the hospital with kidney trouble. Well, you know we can't play bridge at all well together. And that butcher - the day he saw me after he'd canceled our meat bill because you told him I was dead. Get mad at me. Let's have it over. Oh, what's the use? I've done that. I'm living a nightmare, th-the darnedest nightmare a man ever lived. And someday, uh- Can you reach the cigarettes? Ken, I wouldn't have had to tell the typewriter man you were crazy... if- if I'd had the money to pay him. Thanks. Oh, I don't mean it's your fault. I mean if you'd only let me go out and get a job. I'm taking care of you. A lot of wives work - even millionaires' wives. Oh, but that's different. They work because they're bored, and not as a signal to the rest of the worid that their husbands need help. If you went to work, I'd be a confessed failure, and I'm not that... yet. Huh, of course you're not. I mean if I had a job secretly. You know what I'd do if you went out and got a job behind my back? Yes. Are you going to try it? No. Are you telling the truth? Yes. Ken, from now on, I'm gonna tell the truth, so help me. I'm going to be proud of you for what you represent, and I'm gonna manage on our budget and have money to spare too. Good morning, madame. Good morning. I'm Mr. Krayler's new secretary. Very good. Very good indeed. This way, please. Do you wish breakfasts? No. Am I supposed to eat here? Do you wish to go to the office first, or shall I show you to your room? What room? Say, what kind of a place is this anyway? Your hat. Is this his office? Well, doesn't Mr. Krayler have any other office? I- I mean, in an office building? Yes, madame. Well, where does his secretary usually do most of her work? Huh! Ahh. Good morning, my dear. Good morning, Mr. Krayler. I- I'm late. Aren't we all? And you can call me Otto. After all, an old friend of the family. Yes, uh, Otto. You're going to work out all right. Thank you, sir. If I only knew- Otto. Otto- if I only knew how to get started, I- You're, uh, married, didn't you say? Yes, sir - Otto. Uh, what sort of a man is he? Fine. How do you mean? Bring your chair a little closer. A little closer. That's better. For instance, suppose we had some work to do on a weekend, out of town. Oh, I couldn't do that. Everything's all right. We'll find a way. Well, well, another day. Take a letter. Oh, I can't. Remember? Oh, that's right. Do you know any word games or anything? No, Sir. But all the while I'm working, I'm going to be learning shorthand. I'm gonna get one of those little books with all the funny markings in it. That's fine. Maybe if you talk real slow. I think you should be getting something for your money, don't you? Yes, indeed. You're going to like it here, Helen. And I'm going to like you. The first thing we must do is reach an understanding. You know what I mean? Yes, Otto, that we understand each other. That's right. Sit down. No- No, thanks. I mean, I'm sitting already. Oh, that's no way to act. Oh, come on. Don't you think we should start answering your mail or something? If you'll just go back and read those letters. Quit following me! I'm not following you. Now, don't get excited. After all, old friend of the family, $50 a week, three hours a day. Stand still! Now, Helen, nothing's going to happen. After all, you're new here. But I've been in business for 25 years. Let go of me! I quit! Helen, we're starting off all wrong. Uh- Oh! Oh! I- It's all right. It's my fault. Well, uh- ooh! Hey, listen, the next time a guy offers you $50 a week for three hours work, five days a week, and you decide that a new day has dawned for the working girl- This is it. Heh, you call that an office? It's both. He lives here too. Well, I wouldn't give you a nickel for the business he does in that layout. Well, go ahead in and tell him you've come for my hat, coat and purse. I'll wait right here. Oh, is that so? Listen, I'll do the waiting right outside the door. And if you know what's good for you, you'll-you'll just try and sneak in and get your things without his seeing you. Why won't you go in with me? Well, somebody has to be outside to call for help when, uh- when you don't come out. Oh, please. Please, look at me. I'm all upset. That's too bad. All right. Here's the end of everything. Try the door. Maybe it's unlocked. What's that? - Police. - Why? Well, how should I know? They're coming in here. Let's beat it. Howdy, sisters. What are you doing here? We, uh - That's fine. Bring 'em inside, boys. Hey, you! Keep the giris here. Go on. Sit down. What goes on here? I'm a stranger. Search everything. Why, the way they're acting, you'd think somebody's been murdered. Yeah. Hey, Prince. Yes, sir. Show the men around the house. Yes, sir. Joe, take the front. Harry, the back. And don't let no reporters in till you get word from me. Sure. Who's he? I don't know. What are you whispering about? Nothing. Don't tell me nothin'! I heard you whispering! You did? We were just wondering if that's your own hair. What were you doin' out in front? Nothing. Yes, we were. She came here to get her hat and coat and purse. And let's get 'em and get out of this joint. Oh, by all means. So, you come to get your things, huh? Would you mind telling me when you left them here? This morning, in there. Grand. Let's go get 'em. Certainly will be glad to get out of this place. Why I ever took such a crazy thing- See? They're- They're right here like I told you, and I put my purse over here- - What's that? - You wouldn't know, would ya, honey? Ohh! I- It's a man. Otto. Otto? A nice point. And through the carpet too. What happened? How's about you telling me? And how about you? Were you here this morning too? Let's get out of here, Daisy. I wouldn't leave. Let's go back to the other room and talk. Don't do it. You don't have to talk without a lawyer. Get Ken. What's there to talk about? I was here this morning, but I didn't have anything to do with - with that. No, of course not. But let's talk anyway, just for fun. You don't have to do it. Get Ken. I can't get Ken! I don't want him to know I was- Was what, honey? Nothing. And don't call me ''Honey''! You said ''was.'' You were gonna say ''was'' something. Right. Helen- Let's see. Why is your girlfriend with you? I asked her. I didn't want to come back here alone. Why not? Don't talk! I have to talk. I have to tell him what I know. Listen, it would be better for me if my husband doesn't know I was here. If I answer all the questions, is there any way of keeping my husband from hearing about this? Probably. Oh, that's fine. What I mean is, if you keep him locked in a dark room with no radio. All right. What do you want to know? Why did you do it? All I did was run out of here. Okay. Why did you do that? Well, I mean, I hit him first before I ran out. You hit him, eh? Two fist marks, eh? Right through the head! Is he shot? Where did you hide the gun? I didn't have a gun. No, of course not. Where's the dough? Where's the $12,000 that you took out of that desk? You know something? No, what? I think you're crazy, and I'm going home! Oh, no, you're not. You're going downtown with me later, honey. I am not. Oh, yes, you are. Don't talk. You don't have to talk without a lawyer. No, no. Never talk without a lawyer. Listen, honey, I- I hate to complain, but as long as you had to kill somebody, why couldn't it be her? Eh- There he sits! There he sits, the man that you thought loved you, but he don't love you anymore. He just told ya. So you stand, looking at this man- lookin'and hatin' as only a dame can hate.! All of a sudden, out comes your gun and bam! - Bam! Bam! - Bam. Bam. Uh, b- Huh-J- Uh, Krayler topples off the chair- Wham! On the floor, dead as a doughnut. You fly out on the lam, so excited you forget your purse and stuff!. There you are. Just as simple as that. You mean, I did it because he- That's it. That's it. Now, wait. Now, wait- Come on now, confess. We'll duck the electric chair. I guarantee that you get nothing worse than life! Life? Yeah. But I didn't do it. I said you did. I did not! If I did it like you said, where does the $12,000 come in? Uh- Oh, that, huh? Shh. Uh- Now I know what happened! All at once it's clear to me. That's fine. You don't love him, see? You never did love him! You don't love nobody. You're that type of a dame! Oh, gee. You know he's got $12,000 in that desk, so you wait around till he ain't lookin', and bam! Bam. You let him have it. Then you get the dough. Then you start to arrange Krayler so it looks like suicide. And all of a sudden you hear the butler coming. You get excited and you run out, forgetting your stuff!. Ah- How do you like it? Well, what do I get for that? The chair. They just found the money. It was in the desk all along, in a cigar box. Uh-oh. That makes you and your story kind of silly, doesn't it? Well, a man can't always be right. Gotta make a mistake once in a while. Well, that's what you get for picking on a woman. Oh, I didn't pick on you. Yes, you did. Oh, I'm - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. You don't have to feel so bad about it. There'll be another murder. An easy one, maybe. But I don't want an easy one! You know how I'd figure this thing out? No, and I don't want to know. Look at me,just a poor, trusting working girl, until I meet Otto at a gay house party. My husband's always been kind to me, but he's' away so often from home on business. Oh, on his last trip he's been gone over a year. Yeah? Yeah? I'm pining, literally pining away for companionship. Mr. Krayler- Otto- sees this and soon- you know. Oh, I'm sorry. That's all right. I go to Otto, ask him for help. He laughs at me. That's a guy for ya. There's only one course for me. I tell him I'll go to the newspaper, ruin him in business unless he helps me. Slowly he opens the desk drawer, takes out the gun. I reach for it. We scuffle. And suddenly a shot rings out! Uh, two shots. Two shots. And Krayler lies dead at my feet. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. There. What would I get for that? Oh, maybe five years. Maybe not five years. Maybe nothing, See? I know how to do it. You offer me life to the electric chair, and I give myself five years to nothing. Come on now. We'll get it down here on paper, and you sign. By the way, what did you do with the gun? What gun? Oh, the gun you were just talkin' about. The gun that you and Otto were fighting for! We weren't fighting over any gun. But you just said- Oh, that. That wasn't true. I was making it up like you were doing. Oh. Huh. Eh. They found the gun of the Krayler murder. Where did you find it? In her apartment in a bureau drawer, with two bullets fired. Of course, they found it. Why shouldn't they? Th-That gun belongs to my husb- Oh, your husband, eh? Sure. He finds another man is after his wife. No. He goes to the man. They argue. No. Husband pulls out gun. Wham! Bang! No. Krayler cold as a cucumber. No! Oh, yes. That isn't it. It couldn't be. Mm-hmm. Do you know what really happened? Uh- Oh, don't tell me! Where is he? Locked up. Locked up? But- But why? I shot those two bullets over a month ago when I was in the country working on my book. I shot them at a tree. Say, we can take 'em out to where you were and show them the bullets in the tree. But- But I didn't hit the tree. Oh. Hello, Ken. Hello. I- I- Well, won't you sit down, please? How can we talk if you're gonna stand there like a pallbearer? How else can I stand when my wife- my own wife- Go ahead and say it. Say it. It's not so bad in here. How's the food? All right, I guess. I haven't eaten any. Oh, you should eat. No matter what happens, you should eat. I'm sorry I yelled. I'm sorry they put you in jail. That's all right. I always wondered how it was. Did they upset the apartment much? Only the drawers in the cabinet. I found some socks I thought I'd lost. They were where you keep your manuscripts. That's good. How's the weather outside? Oh, fine. A little warm. Well, all I tried to do was get a job. I- I wanted to help. But I told you not to. But we needed so many things - Helen, there's no use discussing that anymore. What concerns us is that you're in jail, and they've a mile of evidence piled up against you. What evidence? They can prove you went to Krayler's house. That's right, I did. They can prove you struggled with him. I did. And then you ran from the house. They know because you knocked some man over. Yes, a little fellow. Then we might as well face the most important fact. They can prove the bullets came from your gun. What? Naturally our defense will have to be- How can they prove a thing like that? The ballistics expert. He says the bullets that killed Krayler came from the gun they found in our apartment. It hit me pretty hard for a while - Who cares what he said? What does he know about it? I said he's an expert. Th-That's his work, telling which bullets came from which gun. That's his career. Oh, what's his career to us? He can be wrong, can't he? Yes. All you have to do is hire another expert to prove that he's not an expert. People do that lots of times. Why, only last month I read about somebody- I- I can't remember now, but somebody- Helen, listen to me. You can't even think of trying to convince a jury you didn't fire those shots. Do you know what will happen to you if you try to enter a regular plea of not guilty? What? They'll- What? Let's not even talk about it. I know what'll happen. They'll prove I did it just like you said. They'll put me in prison for life- maybe even worse than that- maybe the electric chair! I said let's not talk about it. I'll have to sort of get my bearings again. Before I saw you, I thought we were going to plead self-defense, but now I- You mean killing him because he - That's it. A woman has a right to protect herself against a brute. And with the right sort of defense we'd be able to- Oh, but there's no use thinking about it. If you're going to claim you didn't do it, throw our case out the window, then- I didn't mean to talk like that. But I'm so mixed up and wondering. I know. I- I don't blame you. Helen, I - I haven't been fair to you, coming here like this with a chip on my shoulder, accusing you without giving you a chance to tell your side of the story. Now tell me what happened, exactly what happened, and no matter what you say, I'll believe you. Hmm? Weren't you listening? I said tell me what happened. What were you thinking about? You in court. I'd love to hear you fighting for a woman's life. Why, this is the case you've always hoped for. Your big opportunity to prove that you're the best darned lawyer in the country. Do you think you could win? Fighting for you? Of course I'd win. How? What would you say defending me? Well, I - I haven't quite figured it out yet, but for one thing, our defense would be honest and straight to the point. You killed Otto Krayler. We'll admit that. Yeah. But when I tell why you killed him, not a man or woman in that courtroom would dare to condemn you. Oh, I can see you standing in there pleading for me-your wife- whose only crime was defending herself against the brutal advances of this human wolf. Th-There was nothing else you could do. Th-They'll understand that. I'll make them understand. And in defending me, you'll be pleading the case of all womankind. It's wonderful. You'll be sensational. Uh, do you think so? Uh-huh. Oh, forget it. You're going to say you didn't do it. Pass this up trying to prove something that can't be proven? No. Huh? Ken, I killed Otto Krayler. Poor kid. I don't care what you say. You didn't kill Otto Krayler. Not so loud. I did too. I was with you when you went back. You were as surprised as I was. Oh, shut up. Here. As far as I'm concerned, you're right in the middle of one of your nightmares. I'm just gonna go straight to Ken - No! Why not? Why, if he ever found out- Found out what? Daisy, will you please mind your own business? No. I'm going to K- All right. I'll tell you. I didn't kill Krayler. I knew it. Why did you say you did? I don't know exactly. We were both so excited... about how we could prove I shot him for a good reason. And it seemed like the only chance to go free was to say I did it, and I- Gee, what a mess you're in. I know it. No, I'm not. Everything's gonna be all right if you'll just be quiet. But if you say anything, that'll be the end with Ken- you know how he is- and I'll go to jail for perjury. Isn't that better than going to the chair? Daisy! Oh. I didn't mean to scare you. You- You didn't scare me. Understand this, Daisy. It's too late to change anything now. You'd ruin my life. You'd spoil Ken's big chance. You'd put an end to everything. Are you ready in there? Just a moment. Is that clear? I guess so. Hey! I don't belong here... yet. Will you cut that out? You and those darned balloons. Afraid, George? Afraid of a penny's worth of rubber? You know, th- this is life, George. Uh, so, you try to live by blowing hot air into it. Year after year. Year after year... un-until... finally you're like this, with a fat, round body, and the skin tight all over you. You- This is life, George. And then what happens? Something happens. Anything happens. And - And this is what life does, George. Look, look. Look at what life does. Sad, isn't it? You're quite a fellow, ain't you, Charley? Quite a ''philosopholizer.'' Goin' to court today? I go to court every day. There's life for you, life with its back to the wall. You see the balloons there, all right, the ones that were fat and round and tight. Eh, but they're collapsed now. Just shrunken, shriveled shells, fit only for the laboratory of a great criminologist. A great criminologist. A great criminologist! Sure, I hear you, Charley. Take it easy. Eh. Take this balloon here, this, uh- this Helen Bartlett. Oh, yeah, quite a case. Her husband's defending her too. Look at her.! She's no murderer. Huh? Ah, any great criminologist could see that. She's full and round and tight, like she hasn't even begun to shrink. She's not full and round and tight. What're you lookin' at? You're blind. You're a fool. Yeah, but you're okay, ain't ya, Charley? - I am the greatest. - Sure. You're the greatest everything. What does it matter to you if a girl admits killing a guy? - You know everything, don't you, Charley? - I am a student of life. Now you're talkin'. Now you're talkin'. You're better than me, ain't you, Charley? You know I am. You're better than me and my whole family all piled up, ain't you, Charley? I don't know why I listen. Perhaps you amuse me. Thanks a lot. How would you like for me to buy you another drink? Go ahead, if you must. You're not crazy, are you, Charley? Of course I'm not. Then what makes you think I'm gonna buy you another drink? Would that life were all as simple as you. Hi, Charley. What do you think? She hasn't got a chance. She'll fry. One more. That's all. Clear the corridor. You can't shove me! I'm a taxpayer! Yeah? Where's your receipt? Oh! Will be called upon to use every fiber of your moral strength... in maintaining a straight and true course... on the well-chartered but tempestuous sea of reason. There is one thing that cannot be denied- law is law, andjustice is the accomplishment of that law. We must cling to this clear thought as this trial progresses... through the man-made maze of distractions, diversions, duplicities. For such is the nature of humankind to light a beacon and then surround it with fog! There will be cheap, tawdry, theatrical appeals to your emotions, ladies and gentlemen. The defendant's pretty eyes will be dimmed with cute little tears as she tells her story, and her dress will be a black, simple- Pardon me, Your Honor. With your permissin, I'd like to remove this coat. - The heat. - In view of the almost unprecedented humidity, I think the dignity of the court will suffer little by such an exposure. Permissin granted. Now, let's see. Where were we? Oh, yes. Her dress. Her dress- Oh, thank you, Your Honor. Her dress will be a simple, black little affair, with hat and purse to match, such as it is today. And you will wonder, as they want you to wonder, how such a pale, fragile, well-manicured hand... could drag out a gat and fire two slugs through a gentleman's head! Did you hear that? Why don't you pop him one? He isn't even warm yet. But facts are facts, and we will prove without doubt... that the defendant coolly and deliberately placed a revolver... in her otherwise harmless little bag, with the express intention of shooting two holes through Otto Krayler- that Helen Bartlett, seated before you in defiant calm, is guilty of ruthless, cold, merciless murder- murder in the first degree, murder that calls for payment with her very life! Order in the court.! Order.! Order in the court.! Order. Where did you first see Mrs. Bartlett? I caught her sneaking into Krayler's house with her friend Daisy McClure. She said she came after her hat and coat and purse. - I questioned her. - What do you mean, ''questioned her''? You told her, you big lug! Order in the court. Do you know her? She'll fry. Order. Miss McClure, one more outburst and you'll be held in contempt. Proceed. So I questioned her, and she confessed to the murder. Then she denied it, then she confessed again, then she denied it, then- Oh! I got the call about 10:00 Wednesday morning from the homicide bureau... and found the defendant- I mean, the deceased- laying- uh, lying face down on the floor- I mean, the rug. So I examined the rug- or the, uh, body... and found that death was caused by two bullets fired into his range- I mean, two bullets fired at close range into his lead- uh, head. Now, Miss Baggart, at the time Mr. Krayler was murdered... and at the same time, naturally, when Mrs. Bartlett told the butler... that she was Mr. Krayler's new secretary, by whom were you employed? By Mr. Krayler. And what was your official capacity? I was his private secretary. Oh, now, now, now, Miss Baggart. [ realize... you're stirred with a genuine grief over the untimely end... of an honorable, kind employer, but I must ask these few questions. He was a wonderful man, Mr. Krayler was. Yes, I know. Now, first, Miss Baggart, why weren't you at work on the morning of the murder? It was my day off. It was your day off. Mr. Krayler hadn't discharged you? Of course not. So, at the time of the murder, you were officially Mr. Krayler's private secretary? I certainly was. And what was Mrs. Bartlett's position? I don't know, sir, and I'd, uh, rather not guess. Mr. Bartlett, if you are ready, you may proceed. Your Honor, with your permissin, [ shall recall the witness, Suzanne Baggart. Proceed. Suzanne Baggart. [s Suzanne Baggart present in the court? Yes. Yes, ['m here. Miss Baggart, you say that at the time of Mr. Krayler's death, you were officially employed as his private secretary? Yes. Good. Now, Miss Baggart, as a demonstration of your ability, I want you to take a letter. Will you take a letter in shorthand? But, uh- Mr. Frank Butler, Oceanside Popcorn Company, Oceanside, California. Dear Mr. Butler, your last shipment of popping corn was inferior in size, weight- What's the matter, Miss Baggart? Isn't the pencil sharp enough for you? I, uh- Oh, don't be upset. You're among friends. Why aren't you writing? You know darned well why I'm not writing! I can't take shorthand! Order in the court. Order. Order in the court. Your witness. No questions. That is all, Miss Baggart. Thank you. How's your shorthand, toots? You took the job at 50 dollars a week? Yes, sir. And you can't take shorthand? No, sir. But you took the job in good faith? Yes, I did! And you can't type either. I can too! I'm a writer. What do you write? Fiction. You're telling me. What system of typing you use? What? Suppose there was a typewriter before you now. How would you strike the keys? Why, I'd- I see. The good old hunt-and-peck. Nice going for a private secretary at $50 a week. Mrs. Bartlett, could it be that you, in your charming way, shall we say, forced Mr. Krayler to employ you on threat of exposing your past relationships with him? How would you like a poke in that fat nose? What? Your Honor, I object to the district attorney's... unfounded and vicious accusations! And if he doesn't stop it, I'll knock his teeth out! Order! You'll knock whose teeth out? Yours, you big clunk! Order! Quiet! Quiet! Order in the court! Order, I say! Quiet! Number 22. You told them you had to see me. Why? I am Charles Jasper, criminologist in the utmost. You are a specimen under my microscope. And you'll fry. Get out of here! You're crazy! Sure. You're getting lots of publicity, aren't you? Big articles, pictures in the papers. You like it, don't you? It's the nectar of the gods for fools. And whether you killed Krayler or whether you didn't, you're going to look very pretty fried. - Get out of here! - Sure. Very nice to have seen you. Au revoir. We go down soon, Helen. How do you feel? I don't know. Sometimes just sitting there and listening, I want to see myself electrocuted! If I feel like that, how will the jury feel? Oh, don't worry. Please. Remember, I haven't started yet. I can't help being scared. What do you think they'll do to me? Helen, don't talk like that now. Because if I feel I haven't your confidence - Oh, you have, Ken, honest. But I'm scared! I told you to stop that. But- Ken, there's something I should have told you a long time ago. What's that? This is a mistake- a big, crazy joke! I didn't kill Otto Krayler! I was lying, and- I know how you feel, Helen. Lots of people get that way during a trial. You're nervous and excited, worrying about what might happen. But it's not going to happen, because we're fighting openly... and honestly when we admit that you killed Otto Krayler. And if we can't win the right way, the honest way, we don't want to win. I want to thank Your Honor for permissin to have the scene... in Otto Krayler's home reenacted for the benefit of the jury. But first, I must have the defendant and her motives... clearly established in their minds. We shall make no attempt to cloud the issue. Helen Bartlett is charged with murder in the first degree, meaning that she did willfully and premeditatedly take a life. To that charge, our answer is not guilty. But in an effort to convince you of our sincerity, I shall call upon the defendant to stand and face the jury. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Helen Bartlett, my wife, who on August 8 killed Otto Krayler. Be seated, Helen. So now it is the morning of August 8, and I am Otto Krayler, and this is the office in his home. What follows is an honest reenactment of what happened that morning, as related to me by my wife, Helen Bartlett. I'm ready, Helen. Well, here's what happened. The butler is supposed to- supposed to- to let me in the front door. I follow him down the hall, and he a takes my hat and coat... and hangs them behind a thing. I go to the desk, and in a minute, Mr. Krayler comes in. Good morning, my dear. Good morning. Well, well, another day. The first thing we must do, Helen, is reach an understanding. Is that clear? All I know, sir, is I'll work hard and study while I'm working. Why work hard? Because that's the only honest way to make a living. You have a lot to learn, Helen. At this point, in order to avoid the clutches of this- this- Human wolf. Human wolf, Mrs. Bartlett tries to get away. Krayler follows. Can't we start answering your mail, Mr. Krayler? Won't you please go back and read those letters? No! Let me alone! You have no right to touch me! Oh, yes, I have. You're working for me! Isn't it enough that all the while I'm working, I'll be learning shorthand? Must a woman put up with this just because she needs a job? Take it easy, Helen. We're going to get along fine, just as soon as you realize I'm a friend of the family. After all, five days a week, three hours a day, $50 a week- Don't you dare kiss me! I'll do as I please. Be quiet, you fool! Your Honor, must we submit to this three-ring circus in the guise of drama? What on earth can they possibly prove by these rank, cow-barn theatricals? With every ounce of decency in me, I object. Give them the gong. Mr. Hartman, your violent outburst is in the worst possible taste. These people are trying sincerely, uh, albeit too strenuously, to present their defense as best they may, so hold your tongue. Proceed, Mr. Bartlett. And, uh, the quieter, the better? Mm-hmm? Thank you, Your Honor. Help.! Help.! Ooh! Oh, Ken, I'm sorry! No. Go on. Go on. You'll pay for this. No woman can do this to Otto Krayler. Stop! I'll kill you for this! Bam, bam! Oh, I've killed him! Oh. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the true picture of the death of Otto Krayler, the depraved merchant prince who believed gold could buy... womankind's most priceless possessin- her honor. What is that? Think of this, all of you: Helen Bartlett is not Helen Bartlett alone. Helen Bartlett is womankind. And when the terrible moment came, she faced it, afraid but unflinching, defending that which is womankind's prime heritage. Has not womankind the right to work so that there shall be bread in her home? Has not womankind the right to repulse the evil advances... of a man who has bought her services so that he may satisfy his greed? Has not womankind the sacred right to protect herself at any cost? The answer is yes! And I am thankful indeed that seated here today in this courtroom... are honest, wise, unsulliedjurors... who recognize Krayler's kind for what it is worth, and who must know in their hearts that they must set this woman free- a woman whose only crime was the protection of her soul... against the avarice of this man. [ rest my case. Her plea is self-defense- self-defense, I presume, as illustrated by a hunter shooting a jackrabbit. But we have this fact: She entered his office unfit for the job she had forced him to give her, with a loaded gun which she wants us to believe... she had taken to pawn for lunch money. Mr. Davis, may I have my coat, please? As I said, ladies and gentlemen, with a loaded gun... which she wants us to believe she had taken to pawn for lunch money. Ha, ha, haa! Thank you, Mr. Davis. There can be but one decisin, ladies and gentlemen of the jury: Helen Bartlett, despite her attractiveness, despite her bad acting, despite her wide, beautiful eyes... is guilty of murder in the first degree! Those were crazy instructions that judge gave us. If we think she did it and meant to do it, then we gotta find her guilty. But if we think she did it and didn't mean to do it, then we gotta decide that she didn't do it. - What kind of talk is that? - That isn't what he said. That's what he meant, didn't he? Yes, only in legal words, so it sounded better. So what? You're saying she didn't do it if you say she's not guilty, and she already says she did it. You heard what the judge said, didn't you? That's what I meant. All right, all right. It's the law. Shut up. Quite a show, isn't it? Yeah. Swell fun. I still bet she fries. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how do you find the defendant- guilty or not guilty? We find the defendant not guilty. - Oh! Oh, Ken! Ken, I wanna tell you- - Mrs. Bartlett, please! Please, Mrs. Bartlett, right over here. Ken, I wanna- Ken! Mr. Bartlett, put your arms around her, please. Oh. Yeah. Ken, I wanna tell you how wonderful you were! Mrs. Bartlett, this way, please. And if it weren't for you, I- Mrs. Bartlett, this way. Yeah, I know what you're trying to tell me. - A statement, Mrs. Bartlett? - A statement? Yes. Uh- She can't think of a thing! Whew! Huh? Got you that time, didn't I, Charley? You think you're smart, don't you, huh? You bore me. Fill my glass. Yeah, where's your money? What is money? Pathetic scraps of metal, paper crawling with germs. Fill my glass. Yeah. As soon as you toss a few germs my way. All right. If you insist, I'll open an account. What with? See that? - Okay, one drink for it. - One drink, fool? That wallet is worth $25,000. Yeah. Not 24.50, eh, Charley? Twenty-five thousand even. That's a nice wallet for the money. - You think I'm crazy? - No, not crazy. Just a little high-priced. You, uh, found a customer for it yet? Naturally. ''My Life - My Struggle By Helen Bartlett.'' Oh,your girlfriend.! The one you said was gonna fry. Life. Death. Life. For what? She made a pile of dough writing her life story, delivering lectures, stuff like that, but I don't think she's ready to turn over no 25 grand for no wallet, even if it is real leather. She'll buy it, all right. The drink. You forgot the drink. Yeah. Please. Pretty please? Look at me. Here I am, begging drinks from an idiot... [ shouldn't even be speaking to... while she spends the summer in a fancy house at Lake Martha. That hurts, you know it? That hurts. Yeah. So, I'm an idiot, am I? Just an expressin. Yeah. Uh, you want it full? Uh-huh. Yes, I guess we better fill it up. Here's how. Where's mine? Right there in front of you. Drink up. There's nothing in it. As far as I'm concerned, it's full. But, of course, as you say, I'm an idiot. You know, there are three things requiring my immediate attention: to sell the wallet, buy this rat hole... and throw you into the street! Good day, sir! Hello. Oh. Come on. Let's have a swim. No, not now, later. Where were you? I told you. I had tea in town with Dorothy. Martinis. I had one-just one. Ella's mixing up something for you now. I wish you'd gone with me. No, thanks. What are you doing tonight? I'm gonna dictate some more of the novel to Daisy. She's coming up this weekend to help me. Oh, reach me a cigarette. That's one I owe you. How are things at the office? Good, I guess. More business than I can take care of. Ken, did you ever think all this would happen? What do you mean? Everything. The apartment in town, this house, your business, my novel. All we've ever wanted, we have. And I'm so happy, I'm afraid it's just a heavy dinner. I thought you were gonna kiss me. Is there anything wrong? No, of course not. What could be wrong? I'm making money, you have what you want, you're doing what you like. You're the happiest you've ever been in your life. You just said so. Well, I'm sorry, but I can't be like that, because I can't help remembering why all this happened. That's what I can't understand about you- how you can ever forget that we wouldn't have any of this. And I'd be happier if Otto Krayler were still alive. Oh. I guess I shouldn't have said it. You're right. Here I've killed a man, and I'm happy. It doesn't make sense, does it? Maybe it does. Maybe I just don't know how to act in a case like this. You can give me that cigarette you owe me. Wouldn't it be perfect if everything were just as it is, except the other thing hadn't happened? More than perfect, but it's too late now. Remember the day in the cell when I tried to tell you I was innocent? Well, what if I hadn't killed him? What would you think? What difference does it make what I think? I mean,just pretend. Pretend that anyone would lie about a thing like that? That she'd make a mockery of justice and a fool of the man defending her? Leave an unsuspected criminal at large already plotting against his next victim? Why, that would be worse than murder! I guess it would. Helen! What? Oh, nothing. I guess the heat's got me. Frankie and Johnny was lovers Lordy, oh, how they could love True to each other Thank you, Ella. You're welcome. Well? Uh- Uh- Mr. Bartlett, that man of mine - What about him? He's took up with some no-good gal in town... and spendin' all the money I makes takin' her out Susie-Q'in' and such. That's a shame. Susie-Q'in', huh? Yes'm. And, uh, Mr. Bartlett, I was wonderin'. Well, speakin' right to the point, if I lets go with a few well-aimed bullets, does you think you can get me off with the law okay? I'm going swimming. Kind of touchy, ain't he? Ken! Ken! Oh! Oh, Ken! Ken! Ken.! Oh! Oh! Ken, help! Ken, help.! Help, Ken! Oh! Stay up, Helen! Stay up! I'll be there! ['m here, Helen. Take it easy, now. Don't fight. Say, you weren't drowning. Yes, I was! Stop! Help.! Ken! Ken! Help.! Oh, gee, Helen. I'm- I'm sorry. Here. Take it easy. Take it easy. Now, don't fight. There. There. Oh, I didn't mean to push you so hard. Oh, that's all right. How do you feel, better? Yes, much better. That's good. Oh, Helen, I'm- I'm sorry about- about everything- the way I acted before and all that. Will you forgive me? Forgive you? Oh, Ken! One ticket to Lake Martha, please. Come on. Come on. One more? One more, huh? Here you go. Go and get it. What's the matter? Don't tell me you've dried up right in the middle of a novel. I'm so happy about having everything settled with Ken, I can't get interested in the darned thing. Settled? Why, he still doesn't know that you- Shh! I mean, he's had something on his mind for a long time, and now he's said it, and he feels better, so I feel better. You know, this is the first time I've felt right since- since- Since. Yeah. Since. Well, let's get started. Oh-oh, here it comes. McCormack... enters Yvonne's room. Yeah. Yeah, McCormack enters Yvonne's room. Hello, my house. Let's see. A certain confidence that he'd find her there, he opens the door cautiously, like this. The door is locked. So what? Unlock it. You got that fixed? Yeah. Now, where were we? Oh. What do you want? Mrs. Bartlett. She ain't here. Oh,yes, she is. Who is that, Ella? He won't go away. - Who won't go away? - I. That's the one- - Well, what do you want? - Hmm! Nice little place we have here. Get out of here! It's really very, very nice. Hello, bumpkin. I said get out of here! I, uh- I'm selling wallets. We don't want any wallets. Get out of here! You'll want this one. - Where did you get this? - What are you so excited about? Let's see it. I asked where you got that. Where do you think? I killed Otto Krayler. Y- Y-You killed him? I, Charles Jasper, utmost in criminologists, committed the perfect crime. And who stole the glory of my deed? Who writes childish articles, gives stupid lectures? Who has lived to see her husband grow sleek and fat... upon the fruits of the stolen crime? My crime! Thief!. I- I didn't mean to take anything away from you. All I did was- Where is our liquor? Not the guest soup, the private stock. Oh. I'm going out and find Ken. No! Whatever you do- Mr. Whatever-your-name-is, after you've had a drink, will you please go away? Certainly. After you have purchased the wallet. With that bit of leather goes my entire interest in the crime. Don't pay any attention to him. How do we know he did it? Yes. Yes, how do we know? For that matter, how do I know you didn't do it? Because I did. Oh. And as for this wallet, unless you buy it from me, you shall be revealed as a perjurer, a common liar, and the prison gates shall clang behind you. No! How much do you want for it? Your husband doesn't know, does he? No. I mean, why? Well, it simply means I'll want more now. The price, complete with crime, is $30,000. Thirty thousand dol- I told you he was crazy. Don't give him a cent. He can't expose you without putting his own pants in the chair! Oh, yes? Did you get the chair? No. Will I get the chair? Likewise, no. I have a wife. Krayler tried to give her a job. She turned him down. He insulted her. I shot him. - I don't believe that. - Believe what you want. I have an airtight defense, and I am ready to test it at any time. But [ haven't got $30,000. Can't we talk about- Oh. H-Hello, Ken. Good evening, my dear fellow. Pull up a chair. Who's that? I don't know. He- He- Oh, what's the use? Ken, this is gonna be the worst thing you ever heard in your life, and you're gonna leave me and walk all the way to China or something, but I don't care what happens. I still love you. That's why I do things like this, I guess. Oh, I love you so much! What are you talking about? Do you really wanna know? Of course I wanna know. Well, I didn't kill Otto Krayler. You didn't kill him? No. He did. She'll be all right, Ken. Hmm. Cute kid. What's her name? The way it happened with Mr. Krayler was- It seemed I'd have a better chance if I said I did it than if I told the truth. Even you told me that. Remember, Ken? Remember? She'll be all right, Ken. So I did it. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. And now he's here and wants money - Be quiet. What happened? Here. Take her outside and walk her around. She needs fresh air. I'll take care of him. I was only trying- Go on outside! I beg your pardon. You said you killed Krayler. Prove it. He's gonna leave me. Just wait and see. Did you see that look? Oh, Daisy, what am I gonna do? Hey, come back here! You're asking me what to do with an imagination like yours. Why don't you tell him today is yesterday... and nothing has happened up to now? That doesn't make sense. But what you've done does, I suppose. Say, Helen, it's never been clear to me exactly why you didn't kill Krayler. I mean, when you told Ken you did, which you didn't, of course- Well, why did you? I mean, if you said you did, which you didn't- Well, I mean you did say it, but you didn't do it. Why did you? I mean, why didn't you? Oh, well,just let's walk. And what if I tell you to go chase yourself? I'll go to the police. After all, I know a little law myself, young man. Do you know what will happen to your wife? Ten years or more for perjury. And what will happen to you? I will go free. On the strength of that lie about your wife? I think not. You were after that money they found in the cigar box. Was I? Listen, you might as well get this straight from the start. You can't reopen this case. Why can't I? Because only the condemned person or his representative... has a right to do that, and there is no condemned person. Nobody was convicted. What? You mean that's the law? That's the law. Are you trying to tell me there is no justice? Justice and the law are not always the same. But in this case they are, because I'm going to call the police. W- Why? Because you're an admitted criminal, and you're at large. But they can't reopen the case. You just told me. That's right, but you've just attempted extortion. You threatened my wife and demanded money. I did that? What- What kind of a country is this? Do you realize you're sending your own wife to jail just to report me? We'll see. Now, wait, wait, wait, wait, my boy. Whatever we do, let's not lose our heads. Hello! Put down that phone. Oh, fudge! Hello! You know, there's no need to call, Mr. Bartlett. Unfortunately, I didn't kill Otto Krayler. You didn't kill him? I - I'm sorry. I am sorry, but really, I didn't. Then who did? Now, control yourself, please. I- It was my brother-in-law. I found the wallet in his room, and he confessed to me. Then where is he? Dead. Killed the next week in a holdup. An amateurish chap. He couldn't find the money after he, uh, disposed of Krayler, so he attempted a trivial holdup in broad daylight. Lost his head, sort of, and- - It was in the papers. - I don't believe it. I don't care what you believe, actually. I can prove my statements in a court of law. Shall we drink? Get out of this house! Certainly. You know, there was a moment when this was almost mine, when my destiny came within one iota of being fulfilled. But that is life. Good day, my dear fellow. Good-bye, my house. Oh, for the life of a gondolier Hi. I think I'll go lie down. Daisy, don't leave me alone! Oh, that sounded kind of silly, didn't it? Don't leave me alone with my own husband. Well, he's gone, and he won't bother you anymore, because he's just as big a liar as you are! He didn't commit the murder either. He didn't? His brother-in-law did, and he's dead. That's the only thing that saved you from 10 years in prison. Because mark my words, if the murderer had been at large, I'd have gone straight to the police! You would have done that to me? Oh! But that's right. That's what any honest person would have done. You're leaving, aren't you? Of course I'm leaving. What's left for me? You've made a farce of our lives, you've ridiculed justice, my professin, me! This is all a nightmare to you, and you're wondering how and why everything happened, and I don't think I can explain it so you could understand. I want to say I tried to tell the truth, but it seemed everything would work out better if I lied. And it did too, up to now! Yes, everything worked out beautifully. Here we are, both successful, standing on the biggest lie in the history of mankind. ''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Helen Bartlett is not Helen Bartlett alone, Helen Bartlett is womankind.'' Ain't I the pretty one? ''And when that terrible moment came, she faced it, afraid but unflinching''- laughing at you,Judge, laughing at me, laughing at Otto Krayler- ''defending the principle which is womankind's prime heritage.'' Banana oil! Ken, I- Go ahead and defend it. Think up some more hot ones... for your life story and your cockeyed books. I'm going so far away, I won't even know what year it is! And despite everything I've just said, Helen, I still love you, but I'll be darned if I can live a life like ours! Yeah. If it's a boy, I'll name it after you! What? Helen! Helen, why didn't you tell me? I wanted to surprise you. Well, when's it gonna be? What? I said, when's it going to be? Why, I don't know exactly. Well, what did the doctor say? What? Oh. Oh, the doctor. This is the last straw! Even that wasn't true! Well- Well, it could be true! I suppose this is the price of life with a liar- happiness, misery, one after the other until you don't know which is which. I suppose I'll walk out on you and come back and walk out again. I have a feeling I'm still going to leave you tonight. But first, I'm going to make one last attempt to teach you not to lie. Ken, I think I've told my last one.