Here I am at the library sitting in front of the PC.I wrote 3 sentences - constant struggleIt's cold - the air-cond. right on my face I hate itWhy should I feel cold in this summer! I can't write - I am shivering My sentences are suck - I hate myself.I'm feeling sleepy & tired - I can't do it more.I am useless

Got up from my chairTook my book and went into the Quiet-Study AreaI can't write - I better read Theories for Chapter 2Here is nicer - it is not too coldBut I must get back to that cold PCRead 6 small pages I am bored againHow to incorporate these into my thesisThey are not connected - as I see nowI'm feeling sleepy & tired - I can't do it more.

How if I sleep for 5 minutesNo, I can't My mind wanders aroundI must be writing by nowWhat the girl next to me would say about me?I hate myself (again)

I got a call Its Saif from Sydney wishing me Happy Birthday for the second timeI am walking out of library Finish talkingWent straight to Uni Bookshop"May I have a look at that Polar Fleece S size please"Put it on and looked at the mirror - GreatNow I have a good reason to grab this AUD49.95 UniSA sweaterthat I wanted for so long(though it also means I can't pay my electricity bill today)

When you think you start to like someone and open your heart to him, he suddenly takes on your role – playing hard to get and giving you “I’m busy with my work today and will only talk later, sorry dear” messages; one occasion after another.

And then you start to wonder – again.

* If you have made a wrong decision after a long consideration of every possible avenue that he is definitely into you and would not let you down and what more hurting you.

But that is exactly what he is now doing – hurting you.

And then immediately your systematic negative automatic thoughts run over places –

* Why you let yourself vulnerable and then hurt by a person that you have just thought of giving a little chance to be placed in your heart?

* Why the same foolish mistake?

And your negative thoughts wander further:

* That you are not good enough (and he only figures it out when you are about to say ya… I may consider you);

* That you are not that attractive anymore soon you give a sign that he may be accepted;

* That you are no longer interesting to be pursed;

* That you start to look needy;

* That suddenly he is not that into you!

And despite your desperate want to tell yourself that it is him…

You always come to an unconstructive conclusion that it could be you (until proven otherwise … or until a time come when you manage to get over him …)

…This is sucked!

* Truth is – you know nothing than playing hard to get; when the game turns around; you have a role no longer and eventually loose…