Getting kids to listen

11/28/2008 at 09:49 PM.

For almost 10 years now I have sepatated from my children's father, he is still active in their lives but in the mean time I have given in to almost everything they want in fear that they will tell their dad(who is extremely controlling) and he would take them from me.

Well of course now as my kids are getting older getting them under control has been quite difficult to put it mildly.

Is there anything that I can do before I lose total reign in my home. PLease help.

Unfortunately you have not required your kids to listen for the last ten years. You stated that their father was "controlling", as if somehow this is a bad thing. Step back for a moment and take a look at your comments. You claim that you have given in to their almost every whim as a way to keep them happy so their father does not take them from you. You have neglected your parental responsibilities in order to keep the kids from their father, and somehow he is "controlling"? What is it that he does that is so controlling? Does he expect them to listen to him? Does he give them responsibility? There is something you can do to help your children to become disciplined and well behaved kids, send them to live with their controlling father. Their controlling mother has failed her children long enough.

I'm curious why this mom feels so insecure in her abilities as a parent? What does her ex have over her that makes her feel she cld lose her kids to him? Letting the kids have free reign is in no way helping them. This mom needs to take charge and do her job, not tiptoe around her children b/c she feels her ex will take them away.

Ok, but what does that have to do w/ you as a parent? If anything, your ex shld be the one who's afraid of losing his children, not you. Be strong, and stand up to this man, not just for yourself, but also for your children. I know you said there's more to the story. When you write back, please explain so we can better understand your situation.

Your comment, that the dad is not afraid of anything, caught my attention.

The way for you to get control over this situation is for you to take control. People who have courage are people who carry on in the face of fear.

I can't promise that everything will work out fine. You need to take the risk, and take control. You made a good beginning by reporting the credit fraud.
Keep standing up for yourself, with your children as well as your ex.
I think you should write down your dream situation, how you wish your children would respond to your expectations for behavior at school and home. Knowing what you want is the first step to getting what you want.

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