WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?: If 2015 was the year of the grumble about a possible extended term for European Parliament President Martin Schulz (above left), then 2016 is the year of the roar. Opposition to Schulz holding onto the office — which anchors the grand coalition between the European People’s Party (EPP) and the Socialists and Democrats (S&D) — has started to solidify among the center-right. German MEP Herbert Reul (above right) — leader of Germany’s 34-strong Christian Democratic Union (CDU) and Christian Social Union (CSU) delegation in the EPP Group, the largest national delegation within the Parliament’s largest political group — declared at the CDU annual party conference last month that the party will not agree to let Schulz have another term. Reul referred obliquely to Schulz’s plans to find a job for himself “in Berlin.” In prior speeches, Reul has accused Schulz of abusing his office by politicizing it and interfering in areas where the EP president has no role. “We believe the same rules apply to everybody, even Socialists, even for Mr. Schulz,” Reul said. “Nobody is irreplaceable, not even Mr. Schulz. There are good candidates in other political groups who can do the job.” Joseph Daul, chairman of the EPP, made similar remarks at last month’s EPP Political Assembly meeting in Brussels.

EUROCRAT JET-SETTERS: European Commission staff showed restraint in 2015, taking just 97,318 work trips, down from 101,919 in 2014, according to new figures provided by the EU executive body to the Parliament. Given that most staff of “assistant” (AST in Commission-speak) grade never travel for work, that leaves 13,590 staff at the higher “adviser” (AD) grade who must have taken the bulk of the 97,318 trips. That’s about seven work trips per adviser.

THE SPAM THAT KEEPS ON GIVING: Last month we reported on MEP assistant Emilia-Elena Roatis’ rise to fame after she sent out a blast to the entire European Parliament about her lost earring. The latest absent-minded assistant to lose her earring at least had the bright idea to ask her boss — Bulgarian MEP Georgi Pirinski — to send out the annoying missive. “Has anyone found a pearl earring which is very dear to the heart of my assistant Martina?” he wrote. At least someone seems to care.

IT’S GOOD TO BE ALIVE … IN EUROPEAN TAX HAVENS: The CIA has published its 2015 life-expectancy estimates, topped by Monaco at a whopping 89.5 years, fully five years ahead of Japan. Four of the next nine positions are filled by European tax havens.

CAMERON SQUEEZED ON LIVE TELEVISION: David Cameron faced a musical protest by the band Squeeze during a TV appearance on the BBC’s Andrew Marr Show Sunday. The band, playing in the studio, altered the lyrics of the song they were playing to accuse him of “destruction of the welfare state” as Cameron sat watching from a nearby sofa. Front man Glenn Tilbrook sung: “I grew up in council houses; Part of what made Britain great; There are some here who are hell bent; On the destruction of the welfare state.”

DAVID CAMERON PRONOUNCED DEAD, OOPS DAVID BOWIE: Sunday and Monday weren’t a good run for the British PM. First he destroyed the welfare state, then he was pronounced dead by Heart FM’s Fiona Winchester as she read the morning news bulletin. Better luck next week, Dave!

MOLENBEEK IS LOOKING FOR A CITIZEN OF THE YEAR: In a desperate attempt to clean up its image, the Belgian government is trying to shine a light on Molenbeek’s residents who are not on a terror watchlist. Feel free to nominate yourself or your neighbor if you haven’t been to Syria in the past year. The deadline to send an email explaining to mer@molenbeek.irisnet.be is January 20. A jury, which will also propose candidates, will pick the laureates in late January.

RENZI — YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MEN WITH BIG PLANES: They have big budget deficits. But perhaps the strangest element of the story from Corriere Della Sera about Italy’s newly leased (from Etihad) government plane is that anyone feels the need to justify it. The previous plane, an Airbus 319, could not even make it across the Atlantic without a pit-stop (where? Bermuda, the Azores, Newfoundland?). Yet Italy is a member of the G7. So what do you think? Is he a meglomaniac or finally demanding the self-respect necessary of a G7 country?

TIMMERMANS and the TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD WEEK: The silver tongue of the Commission’s first vice president is catching up with him, facing criticism on four fronts this week.
1. His Turkey migrant deal is tanking.
2. He dodged giving an on-the-record testimony on the British question to the House of Lords.
3. He was dissed by the Polish government for being too left wing.
4. He had to concede that trade diplomats wouldn’t get an exemption on his famous impact assessment process regarding changes to China’s trade status

THE COOKIE MONSTER: The EU’s much-hated e-privacy directive — the one that forces you to “accept cookies” every time you open a website so that it works properly — is now achieving unexpected levels of annoyance. Fraudsters are taking advantage of the notification requirement to place fake notifications on websites that then redirect to third-party advertisers. But don’t worry, a consultation will be launched after Easter about whether to continue the law. Playbook confidently predicts a rejection rate of more than 90 percent.

IF ONLY SHE USED UBER … Poor Agnès Saal. The former president of the French National Audiovisual Institute is in trouble because she racked up a €40,000 taxi bill in just 10 months as the head of the taxpayer-funded body, including letting her son spend €7,000 zipping about. That €40,000 comes on top of the chauffeur that taxpayers already paid for (Saal claimed she couldn’t make him work 15-hour days and was therefore forced to use extra taxis), and follows on from €38,000 she spent on taxis heading to the Georges Pompidou modern art center, from 2013 to 2014. President François Hollande sacked her personally. At the maximum tariff of €1.56 per kilometer, the bills means she must have driven at least 25,000 kilometers in taxis, which is more than 100 kilometers per working day of her employment.

OBAMA’S STATE OF THE UNION BY THE NUMBERS: Zero = Number of times he mentioned “Europe” in his final State of the Union address Tuesday night. Number of times he mentioned “EU” (unless you count the two letters as part of the word “entrepreneur,” in which case three)