Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Sarah and Richard made a video honoring babies who are in Heaven. It's just perfect. They are siblings who have a very special place in their hearts for those of us who have lost a baby. They wrote babies' names on flower petals shaped in a heart. To see the video go here.

Reese's name is in the middle to the left.

Such a beautiful gift. Thank you!

This is one of my favorite pictures of Jason with Reese. It takes my breathe away. He used to do the same thing with Zach when he was a baby. It's like Jason is simply taking in the sweet smell of Reese and her soft skin. Savoring every second. A father's love. Stunning.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Jason and I took Z to a pumpkin patch and amusement park on Saturday. The weather was gorgeous.

On a mission somewhere...

Found one!

Fun in the leaves

Z & Jason

This ride was hilarious. Since it is a kiddy ride, we expected it to go fairly slow. Oh, no. It jerked him around and around in circles! It surprised us all, but I don't think Z minded. ; )

Choo choo!

All done.

People are so good to us. GOD is good to provide such love and support (above and beyond!) through our families, new friends, and old friends as we fumble through all of these emotions. I've been amazed at how many of you are just "enough." You know when we need time, you know when to call, email, or just pray. It's such a blessing, and I am confident that it's the LORD impressing you one way or another. Thank you!

Some of you are concerned about talking with me about Reese. Please don't be! Just think of it as if you were asking me about Zach. It should be that normal because I don't mind, I promise. She is our daughter just like Z is our son. I want to make this comfortable for you, too, because I know you love us and are desperately trying to understand and walk with us through this pain.

You will not turn a good day into a hard one if you ask me about Reese. I'm thinking about her anyway, so it won't take me by surprise. Everyone responds differently to death, but it is healthy and healing for me to talk about her.

I am a curious person, too, so I understand. If you have any questions about Reese, don't hesitate to ask me. If you wonder things like if I have gone through her closet yet (no way, not for a long time), what it is like for me to go into her nursery, if her marker has come in yet (no), or what I think about having more children, it's ok to ask.

Every day is different. If you feel the need to hug me, then do it. ; ) If I'm having a "good" day, it will make it even better. If the day is a hard one, then you'll lift me up a bit.

It's a breathe of fresh air for me to talk about Reese. I love it. I truly value those friends who can talk with me about fingernail polish and in the next sentence talk about Reese. I know all of this takes time, but you'll find the more you do it the easier it will become. ; )

Jason and I love the LORD from the bottom of our hearts for providing us with friends and family who make us feel safe. Who seem to understand even though you've never been where we are. You help ease our pain. Thanks, LORD.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Right now I seem to be still and feel as if this is just how I need to be. My emotions, my thoughts are so full it's difficult to express (thank you, Lord, You know). But I feel my spirit is still. I am numb to most feelings because the pain crowds out everything else. My heart is bleeding.

I switch from being mad that we do not have our Reese to waiting expectantly and full of hope for GOD's redemption. I am not angry at GOD because He has filled our lives to the brim with blessings. Jason and I have each other. Zach. Family. Friends. Strangers who are reaching out. A loving and holy GOD. He is not abandoning us.

I don't know how it feels to be lighthearted anymore. Jason and I will carry this burden forever. I praise my GOD who is carrying it with us and so are our family and friends. From now on our happiness and joy will be tainted with the loss of Reese (yet Heaven's gain!). It is a difficult reality to face.

A woman at the gym today asked me if I had had my baby. I told her yes but she did not make it. I dread these conversations and feel sorry for the people who ask me! Who expects an answer like the one I give them? Bless their hearts.

Life is going on. Has been going on. Others are hurting, too. Jason and I go through all the motions of life, but I am longing for Heaven. For Jesus. For my precious Reese.

More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ...

Monday, October 19, 2009

Over the past few weeks we have had family and friends visit us, so I wanted to share some of our normal everyday life.

Zach & my niece "Abba" brushing their teeth ; )

I can't believe Mandy and I didn't get a pic together. Shame on me!

Pappy, Bunny, Abby, and Z at our neighbor's farm

Z with David on one of his tractors

This is a dream for Zach. ; )

Allie (my oldest niece)

Meredith & me

Of course, Zach had to try on his duck costume for Halloween for a practice run. Isn't he the cutest ducky you have ever seen!? Love it.

A woman recently emailed me with something GOD placed on her heart. She had been reading about thisprecious family. She felt GOD gave her the image of this sweet new mom rocking Reese in Heaven. What a gift GOD gave her to pass on to me. I am so thankful she was sensitive enough to His voice to respond. Isn't He good like this even in the midst of heartbreak and tragedy?

Sara didn't have a lot of time with her baby girl, and I didn't get enough time to hold Reese. This vivid picture blesses me so. I will never forget it. Even though I would give anything to be the mom rocking Reese, I'm happy this mom can hold her. What a beautiful picture in my mind!

The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have...Am I not sending you?"

About Me

GOD is good, and I'm saved by His amazing grace. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, two precious boys, and a beautiful daughter who is in Heaven. I have an amazing family and fabulous friends. Enjoy these little snapshots of our family's life!