Ferguson Police: Look! A Squirrel!

“Everybody look over there, in the opposite direction, away from the town!” adds Missouri police department.

FERGUSON, MO Local law enforcement personnel conducted a press conference today in response to an overwhelmingly negative national dialogue critiquing the misconduct of police forces following massive protests in the wake of the fatal shooting of an unarmed teenager.

“I can’t believe how cute that squirrel is,” said Police Chief Thomas Jackson while excitedly pointing out a window. “It’s got a huge acorn stuffed into its mouth and it’s hopping around,” he added, while a SWAT team in full tactical gear and armed with assault rifles quietly escorted from the room members of the press who were attempting to record the proceedings.

“Aww, look, now it’s frolicking with one of its friends,” said Chief Jackson, his voice rising to disguise the sound of tear gas canisters landing amongst protesting citizens.

“Or maybe it’s a boy squirrel and a girl squirrel,” said the Chief as a mine-resistant armored personnel carrier rumbled down the sleepy streets and reminded residents of the on-going curfew.