Finding the right words…

I find myself looking for the right words to say today… I find myself searching my inner soul, reading the fine print of text that runs through my being like a never ending novel. Looking for the words that will make it better. Looking for the words that will ease the pain and the hurt. I find myself looking for the super glue that makes me super. The inner bond that I have within myself that I have had to rely on so many times in the past.

I have told you the story of my accident. I have told you about Steve. I have opened up to the world a very personal side of me, during a most vulnerable time in my life. I was physically broken and emotionally broken. I did not do this to seek “pity”. I did not do this to have anyone look down on me and say… “Poor Cheryle, that girl can not catch a break”. Nope, I did this because I needed to heal and put myself back together. I have never used my journey no matter how hard it has been as an excuse. That will never change about me.

I guess I have not told of another important time in my life that has shaped the person that you see today. The person, that inspires people not to give up’ the person who looks for the silver lining in each gray cloud, the person who will try to make each situation positive. I am often asked how do I stay so positive? How do I stay so strong? I stay so positive, and I stay strong because I have no other choice.

A few times in my life I have been broken on an emotional level that required me to dig down deep within my soul to find the superglue that holds my being together. In my mind’s eye, I envision a little bottle of glue, the strongest super glue ever made. This glue is what keeps the smile on my face, the warmth in my heart, and the passion that keeps me going. It’s no secret that I have always been given the harder lessons. I have always been measured to a higher mark. The times that this happened to me, I lived in a very dark place for a time being. Each time I dug myself into the light, promising each time that I would not allow myself to be put in the dark again. Each time I find the bottle of super glue and piece myself back together, changing, a bit during the process. Building new wisdom, a new sense of self and a different view of the world and the people who live in it.

I have taken the times in my life that this has happened and put them in a catalog. In their own collection of mini-novels that when needed I am able to open and remember not to dwell on the past but to remind myself not to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Sometimes you have to remember the hurt you felt, betrayal, the loss of friendship or loss of love in order to grow.

When we are babies and learning how to navigate the world, we are taught to speak. We are taught how to say words and what they mean. What we are not taught is that the words we speak are a powerful tool. We do not realize that the way we use our words should be chosen very carefully. Words can cut deeper than the sharpest blade, burn hotter than the fastest bullet and kill faster than the quickest assassin. I often say “be kind to each other, and yourself…” When I speak those words I mean it with every fiber of my being. When I say “I want to be the one who inspires someone not to give up…” I mean that with every fiber of my being. When I say, “I am an open book” I mean that, deeply and truly.

I have been put down for the words that I say, by those who simply do not know me, understand me, or who simply have no intention to ever want to know me. I have had to deal with this many times in my life, with people who simply at the end of the day are looking for the biggest kid on the playground, to beat up to prove themselves to the rest of the class. What the person does not realize that even if they choose me because I show confidence and strength, they are also choosing someone who really cares more about that person than they care about me. They have chosen a person, who is not in this for the “who can I compete against to be awarded the “gold metal”. I am the person who will go the end of the universe and back for my fellow man. I will go without, and become the sacrificial lamb for the greater good. I am the person who will have your back, even if you don’t realize it.

Now before you ask…”what happened now…” Or “Oh, I know what you are talking about…” Or “hang in there…” “You got this…” I am not looking for any of that. If you know me at all you will know that this blog is a double meaning. The words that I choose very carefully to say here today for my message to the world are for more than just me. I have readers from around the world who visit my page because they say it helps them.