JOURNAL

This year's Holiday season was much slower than I'm used to, and it was a welcome change. I find myself with clear eyes and a full heart, but slightly fearful of the year I feel God leading me toward.

As you know, my life in the past couple years has been all about stacking experiences to the height of my too-bushy eyebrows. As opportunities presented, I snagged, grabbed, went after each one in an effort to "gain more experience" and "grow while I'm young."

Well, let's be real, that made me feel downright old and crotchety at the end of it all. This holiday season and last, I found myself gasping for air beneath the weight of all the great things from the prior year.

I'm tired of running. I'm tired of stacking. I don't even have more muscular calves to show for the tip-toeing and tight-rope walking of my recent past. I mean, what is that all about?!

Last year I aimed for more, more, more, thinking that would translate into ABUNDANCE, but instead of abundantly more, I got excruciatingly more. I got too much, and ended up with not enough space to soak in the abundance that was already there.

So this year, I'm slightly fearful because I'm aiming for less. I'm aiming to CHOOSE--artfully, ruthlessly, intentionally choose the things that will build a life for the Kingdom, the life I've always dreamed of living. Oddly enough, choosing is scary because it will involve a lot of saying "no," and the no's have already started. I fear that my vision of God is too small to recognize the beauty and magic He can create when I do less, not more.

What do you fear this year?

JESS, XOXO

P.S. I just read back through this post, and it's almost like I sound like a sane grownup. When did that happen?! (Oh no. I'm a quarter of a century old already.)