Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50.

Standing next to the cage the man asks, “I wonder why he is so cheap?” “Because I am defective,” came the reply. “I’ve got no legs.” A little surprised the man asked, “Well how do you stay on your perch?” The parrot draws him closer and whispers, “I have a big penis. I just wrap it around the bar and stay put. Go offer the owner 30 bucks for me. He’ll take it.” The man walks out of the store with the parrot and takes him home. They become best of friends. They talk sports, politics, current events. The man could not be happier. One day the man gets home from works and the parrot beckons him over with his wing…”Psst…come here. I need to talk to you.” “What?” “It’s about your wife.” “Yeah, what about her?” “And the postman. Today he knocked and she answered the door in a skimpy black negligee.” “What!” “Yes. And then they embraced in a long passionate kiss,” the parrot went on. “Holy shit…that can’t be possible.” “It is. Then they went over to the couch and she slipped him out of his uniform and then things started to get really steamy.” “Well,” the man asks,”what happened next?” “I don’t know,” said the parrot. “I got a hard on and fell off my perch.”

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**A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing.”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'” the woman said embarrassingly.
“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why you are embarrassed.”
He thought a minute and then said, “You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I’m sure your parrots will stop saying that…that phrase in no time.”
“Thank you,” the lady responded, “this may very well be the solution.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”
There was a stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, “Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!”**

A woman was walking by a pet store and sees a parrot in the window being sold for $10. She went inside to ask the owner why it was so cheap. “Well”, he said, “The poor thing was raised in a whore house.”
“Hmm that can’t be that bad”, she said. “I’ll take it.” So the woman brings the parrot home and sets him up in the kitchen for the night. The next morning the woman comes downstairs and the parrot says, “Good morning, Madam.”
“That’s cute, he still thinks he’s in a brothel and I’m the owner.”
Then the woman’s son comes downstairs and the parrot says, “Oh, it’s the first customer of the day.” The woman thought that was a little strange, but not too bad.
Then the woman’s husband comes downstairs and the parrot says, “Hi, Bob!”

Man goes oversees for business leaving his wife and kids behind. As he’s traveling he sees a talking parrot that’s the smartest bird ever. He decides to buy it and send it to his family as a present. A few months later he comes back home and asks his wife what she thought of the parrot? She responds that it was a little tough but tasty. “What!?!” Says the man, “you are the parrot! That was the smartest bird in the kingdom” the wife responds “if it was so smart it should have spoken up before it got to the butcher”