Friday, August 31, 2012

My Mother's Death

Today is the seventeenth anniversary of my mother's death. It is hard to believe it has been so long. It is funny how as time goes by, and even though you have a lot of memories of the people whom you have loved, it almost becomes like a dream.

The longer you have been seperated from someone because of their death, your memories become more and more hazy. I hate that.

I remember seventeen years ago when my youngest sister, Delpha, called me to tell me our mother had passed away in her sleep, it was a Thursday. At first I didn't believe what she was telling me was true, not because I actually thought she wasn't telling the truth, but rather that she was mistaken.

My disbelief was so strong I asked to speak to the EMT who was still there at their apartment, to ask whether what my sister told me was true.

After I hung up the phone I collapsed on the floor crying hysterically for quite a while, I was in shock and disbelief. My Mom was not in the best of health but I had just talked to her two days before and I had no indication that she was in any imminent health crisis.

As it turned out I was in Indianapolis for the Labor Day holiday weekend, I had not been home for a visit for two years. I called my Mom on a Tuesday to tell her I was in town and that I was planning a pool party at my friend Mark's house on Saturday. I asked her to come to Mark's for the party, of course I offered to pick her up and bring her back home afterward.

On the day I had originally planned the pool party, we buried my Mother.

As I have stated in other blog posts I keep a picture of my parents hanging on the wall in my bedroom. I talk to the picture all the time.

I know in my heart my Mother is still with me but I can't physically see or hear her in our physical plane. I am grateful that neither one of my parents lived long enough to see me go through the loss of both of my legs, I know how hard if would have been for them and all of the subsequent worry that would have ensued.

My Mother lived a difficult life, the loss of a child, two divorces, numerous medical and mental issues, and I have known for quite some time that she is in a happier place, free from the constraints and hardships of this life.

I just wanted to take the time to acknowledge her death and to voice how much I miss her.

Mom, wherever you are I know you are always watching over me with loving eyes and loving thoughts.
Thank you for contributing to the kind of person I am today, I hope I make you proud.

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About Me

I am a 56 year old gay man. I am a bilateral above knee amputee. I lost my right leg in July 2008 and recently lost my left leg in Dec. 2010. I lost my legs as a result of hypercoagulation syndrome.(My blood is inherently too thick and consequently clots too easily.)I have created this blog as a suggestion from my nephew. I will be writing a book about my experiences in the future.I having writing this blog since February 2011,I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and feelings about my limb loss and hope my words have found a place in your heart.