Older Women, Younger Men

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By now, it's a Hollywood tradition for older men to pair up with younger women (think Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones). But even in the sexual playground of the movie biz, the reverse matchup -- an older woman with a younger man -- has always seemed somewhat shocking. "It challenges our basic, narrow perception of what a couple should be," notes Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a human-sexuality expert and author of The First Sex: The Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World.

Back in the 1970s, people were incredulous when Burt Reynolds, then a major sex symbol, had a four-year romance with singer and TV-show host Dinah Shore, who was 20 years older. Heartthrob John Travolta, then 22, similarly raised eyebrows when he proclaimed his love for actress Diana Hyland, 18 years his senior. After all, the thinking went, men that hot could have any young starlet they wanted. Today, few people would look twice at such romances, especially when they involve high-profile Hollywood women who date down in age. "These actresses aren't just beautiful -- they have money! And power!" Fisher notes. Goldie Hawn, 56, has happily cohabited with Kurt Russell, half a decade her junior, for 19 years. Geena Davis, 46, is wed to 31-year-old surgeon Reza Jarrahy. Julianne Moore, 41, has settled down with director Bart Freundlich, 32. Even Madonna, 44, the Material Girl herself, appears to have been tamed by 34-year-old director Guy Ritchie. "We all benefit from celebrity women breaking these barriers," says Susan Winter, coauthor of Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance. "Eventually our society may accept that you don't have to be young to have a man attracted to you." In fact, older women with younger men is a trend that's gaining mainstream momentum: The most recent U.S. Census Bureau figures show that in the year 2000, 12 percent of all marriages were between older women and younger men. Online dating services are also seeing the change: A recent poll conducted by the personals Website Match.com showed a majority of male clients were willing to date up in age. Of course, if an older woman is past her childbearing years, she and her younger man may miss out on being parents. And yet, in many ways, these pairings make biological sense: Women live longer than men and reach their sexual peak later. What's more, they often become financially successful as they get older. And with money comes freedom. "A woman who's financially secure can acquire whatever kind of partner she wants," Fisher says. In some cases, a younger man represents the chance for a woman to make better choices than she did earlier on, says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and sex therapist and author of How Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust After Betrayal. "Most women in their 30s or 40s have usually been with the so-called Mr. Right," Greer says, "only to find out that he wasn't ultimately right for them. These women go on to have a much clearer sense of what they are looking for in a partner, and they don't get discouraged if they find those qualities in a man who's younger." Fisher agrees: "We're seeing more of what are called 'peer marriages,' in which partners are marrying for companionship rather than for the traditional reproductive or economic reasons." As for an older woman's fear that a younger man will leave her, Winter says that the couples she interviewed had been together an average of 13 years. "If you ask me, you're more likely to be dumped if you're a trophy wife, because then you'll be traded in for an even shinier trophy," cracks Winter, who at 47 is herself involved with a man 16 years her junior. Greer puts it differently: "If you find somebody intriguing and he seems equally intrigued by you, don't automatically say no just because of a number." Here, a closer look at the female stars who are definitely saying yes.

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell

Kurt Russell was a dimpled, hormonally hyper 16-year-old when he first laid eyes on Goldie Hawn, then 21, on the set of a Disney musical film called The One and Only, Genuine, Original Family Band. The experience wasn't exactly blissful, according to Kurt. "It was torture," he has said. "They were making me sing and dance, do dumb numbers. I couldn't even drive -- and there was this gorgeous dancer there named Goldie Hawn."

Fast-forward 17 years to 1983 and the set of the World War II drama Swing Shift. By this time, Goldie had top billing, Kurt had his driver's license and their five-year age difference suddenly meant nothing. The couple fell for each other -- hard. "It happened instantly," Kurt has said. "She was just the most fun person I think I'd ever known." Soon they were blending their respective families. Goldie, twice divorced, had two children -- son Oliver and daughter Kate -- from her marriage to musician Bill Hudson; Kurt, also divorced, had son Boston from his marriage to actress Season Hubley. One child together (Wyatt, 16) and nearly 20 years later, Goldie and Kurt are still having fun. In the beginning, nearly every article written about the couple mentioned two things: their age difference and their strong sexual attraction. "I am a sexual object because Kurt loves me, and he's my sexual object too," Goldie once boasted. "I wouldn't have it any other way." Early on in the relationship, Goldie took Kurt to see the home she was having built in Pacific Palisades, California. When neighbors heard noises coming from the usually empty house, they called the police, who burst in -- flashlights drawn -- on Goldie and Kurt in an "intimate moment." Today, the two still hold hands and lock lips at parties and premieres with adolescent abandon (and they still live in that house). Over the years, there has been tabloid speculation about a breakup. But Goldie and Kurt have never pretended that their life is perfect. "No relationship is easy," Goldie told Good Housekeeping last year, "and nobody should ever think it is. The minute you start forgetting the needs of the other person is when you get in trouble." Which makes Goldie and Kurt, despite the age difference, not all that different from most couples.

Julianne Moore and Bart Freundlich

If there is one common Hollywood lament, it's that there are so few parts for women over 40. Except, it seems, for Julianne Moore. At 41, the two-time Oscar nominee has hit her professional and personal stride.

In 1997, Moore appeared in an independent film called The Myth of Fingerprints, the first effort of Bart Freundlich, a young writer and director. By the time the film hit the big screen, she and the director -- nine years her junior -- had found love and started a family. And no one was more surprised than they were. "I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, Don't even think about doing this!" Bart has said of their beginnings. But the mutual attraction was strong, and before long, the actress and the director were an item. At first, Julianne was troubled by the age gap: "It was a huge difference! He was 26 and I was 35! But he seemed much older than his years, and age evaporated over time." In December 1997, Julianne and Bart's first child, son Cal, was born. Last year, the couple, who live in a loft in New York City's Greenwich Village, collaborated on another film -- The Map of the World -- and on another baby, daughter Liv, who was born in April. The nearly decade-wide gulf in their age seems easily spanned. "Sometimes you'll see Bart just looking at her with a huge grin on his face," says makeup artist Scott Barnes, who works with Moore on her ads for Revlon. "Age isn't an issue. She's so young and vibrant. You know that energy you see from her on screen? She's 10 times more so at home."

Geena Davis and Reza Jarrahy

Geena Davis has crammed a lot of living into her 46 years. A 6-foot-tall beauty with a loopy sense of humor, the Oscar-winning actress is a known risk-taker -- whether she's wearing a see-through dress to the Emmys or trying out for the Olympic archery team (she almost made the cut). So it shouldn't surprise anyone that last year Davis, despite three failed marriages, took another shot at wedded bliss, this time with a handsome surgeon, Reza Jarrahy, M.D., who is 15 years younger than she is. Not only that, in April she gave birth to her first child, daughter Alizeh Keshvar Davis Jarrahy.

After three divorces, some women might swear off romance, but "Geena's got a tremendous resiliency and passion for life," Jane Greer notes. "That's the main reason she was able to marry a younger man." The couple met in 1998, introduced by mutual friends when Jarrahy was 27 and the leggy actress was 42. Soon they were a couple, with Jarrahy playing gallant water-fetcher during archery practice for her Olympic tryout. Over Thanksgiving weekend 2000, the young doctor popped the question, presenting her with a beautiful square-cut diamond. The couple married the following year in a low-key ceremony on Long Island, New York. The age difference seems to be a total nonissue in their life together. "If they don't mind, I don't mind," says Geena's father, William Davis, 88, a retired engineer. And Jarrahy's mother apparently doesn't blink at her new daughter-in-law's age. "She's the most fantastic person," Toory Jarrahy said at the time of their engagement. "My family adores her." New baby Alizeh has brought joy to all. Says Geena's dad: "This is the first time as a grandfather for me, and the first time as a mother for her, so it's been a wonderful experience. Her mother and I just came back from visiting them, and the baby is happy as can be -- and so are Geena and Reza."

Madonna and Guy Ritchie

Considering all the boundaries Madonna has crashed through in her more than 20-year career, the age of her second husband would hardly seem worth noticing. But that didn't stop the tabloids from blaring headlines such as "Her plot to get toy-boy lover to altar."

Plot or no plot, English director Guy Ritchie, 34, doesn't seem like anyone's plaything. He first met Madonna, 44, four years ago when, as the red-hot director of the film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, he attended a luncheon hosted by Sting and his wife, Trudie Styler. There followed a year of cross-Atlantic, off-and-on courting that Madonna later termed long-distance angst; in 1999, they got serious. And then she got pregnant. In August 2000, Madonna gave birth to son Rocco Ritchie, who joined her then-4-year-old daughter, Lourdes (dad is former flame Carlos Leon). When the proud parents brought their son home, Madonna found a crumpled paper bag with a small box inside. "It was a diamond ring," Madonna recalled, "and I screamed." Four months later, Madonna and Ritchie had a five-day-long, $2 million wedding at 21-bedroom Skibo Castle in the Scottish Highlands. If the wedding seemed lavish even by celebrity standards, it's partly because the bride had waited a long time before giving marriage a second shot. Her first go-around, to actor Sean Penn, ended in 1989 after four tumultuous years. "He loathed her career and the endless intrusions on their privacy," says celebrity columnist and longtime Madonna pal Liz Smith. "The divorce shattered her and made her determined that if she married again, it would be for good." "Guy's an alpha male and she needs that," Greer notes. "I think his age is irrelevant to her. It's more that he has the backbone and presence of mind to know who he is in the context of her life and fame." Clearly, Madonna likes it that way. "I have no interest in being in a relationship with someone who is a pushover," she has said. Certainly a two-generation, two-continent, two-career, two-kid relationship won't be a piece of cake. But as Liz Smith says, "If it were easy, Madonna wouldn't want it. She does it the hard way."