What started painfully (as I figured it would... being on the same medicine for almost a decade only to rip it out and replace it with something modern), has grown to "more" of me.

I know that sounds odd, and I admit it sounds just as odd to me as well.

But I feel "more". I'm also thinking that this means the unique "psychic wall" that I've had that's prevented me from being able to astral travel is being lifted.

IF that is true... then as soon as my meditation cushion gets here along with my tone bell I'll be ready.

The tone bell is A above the musical note of middle C.

For me, I dunno about others, this tone can induce trance in me.

It's 440 Hz. Also known as "concert pitch" or A440.

Although thoughts differ on the subject, I believe that's somewhere either with the vibration of the 3rd eye or the crown. Perhaps it's the value in between where the pineal gland forms a triangle with the 3rd Eye Chakra and the Crown.

I'm not sure but it works for me.

Now the best news of all: feeling "more" around me makes me think that whichever medicine was making it impossible for me to astral travel is now gone.

You've been warned (lol :P).

I still have to learn how of course. I've been like this for 10 years so I'm starting from scratch.

The less stellar news is that I'm still going to be unable to pursue a career in any meaningful way. Perhaps I can chase my spiritual dreams and aspirations piecemeal.

My bipolar is still too unpredictable to really function as a 9-5'er (and I do miss that to a great degree... it gets boring as hell and there's no social life living alone disabled), BUT... the hidden blessings are that I believe I'm going to be making some spiritual leaps soon.

I have new desires as well.

No, not those desires.

The main desire is to learn more, as always, but to couple that with sharing somehow.

I'm starting to pull things together into a semi-cohesive school of thought regarding spiritual things and I'd love to share them in a more effective way than this blog which is specific to succubi pretty much with the odd theory thrown in.

I'll have to think about it a while. Not sure how I desire to make and impact and I'm not sure how it would affect things (if any), nor exactly what I want to do. Or have the capacity to do.

I became ordained a few years ago through ULC Monastery, then the ULC Seminary. I then became ordained through Open Ministry, and finally through my school the University of Sedona.

Might dust those off I'm not sure.

What's my goal? To share.

To become rich and powerful, drive a sports car and get lots of hot tail.
"To cwush my enemies, to see them dwiven before me, and to heah the lamentation of the vimmenz."

Just kidding. That last line was from Conan the Barbarian, lol. My goal is to share, nothing else.

Although it would be fun to hold the Bible and never open it while preaching like Joel Olsteen. Maybe it'll be SuccuChurch ™. Lol. He's worth 40 mill now. Crazy bastard. Works for him well I guess :) I'mma get a big Bible so I can smack people who rush the stage overwhelmed with love for me.

It could happen :P Hahaha.

I couldn't resist. Sorry, Joel.

I'll be thinking about this (not the big Bible), as well as thinking about continuing my metaphysical education.

I've got a master's degree program just sitting here because I'm a bit worried about the thesis requirements. Maybe I won't be so worried about it once the new medicine I'm on takes effect.

I have free will... so do they. Be nice to see her again soon. Bunny, too.

And who knows... maybe they get scarce so I'll do my own thing. The addiction that comes with a succubus is a hard thing to manage. I guess in this case a succubus and a younger version of the same qualifies as two maybe? I don't know the answer to that, either.

I don't have an answer to these wonderful critters, either after 3 years.

But I still write about them and try to figure 'em out.

You know, Bunny might help me with all this stuff. I'd really like to help others in a more direct way, or in a way that has more impact as I've been alluding to in this post.

After all, Meridiana was a famous succubus in that she was the succubus (is the succubus) of Pope Sylvester II.

You can google her story, find it on Wikipedia, or can read about it here in this interesting post:

One unrelated thing I've been thinking about today, but sorta succubus oriented I guess.

I've been thinking that people, and in my case women, offer sex to gain material resources, or protection, or SOMETHING. That's great and all for nature (I get that the need to resources is instinctual to allow her children good environment), but I want to have sex with a woman who wants to have sex with me because she loves me and for no other real reason than to experience intimacy with me (or sex for other reasons, like sharing her lust with me because she loves me), which is exactly why I want to have it with her.

And even if it's a horny kind of thing (haha... succubus... horny... get it?), I'm wanting to fuck her silly because I love her... I want to be horny with her, just her.

Love is the key to my heart. Not resources, not protection, not this or that (yes, those things are nice, but not what I primarily want). I want love. I want love, and sex, and lust with her, and intimacy with her that others only dream about.

I've found that with a spiritual lover (da sweet Bunny she is... oh, yes she is *tickle tickle*)... it's a shame that I do not believe that this exists in the material world with a woman. It's nature you see and I don't think that can be helped. It's an instinctual drive. Hypergamy instinct perhaps, I don't know what it would be. I don't blame women, it's hard coded. A lot like men's need for sex and greater sex drive perhaps. Maybe women lament, "He just wants sex all the time while I just want attention"... and I understand that complaint, too.

It's too bad nature rules us to such a large degree that it's in our very DNA coding.

Really... what a shame. If only people would just learn to open their hearts and to "make love not war" so to speak. Even though that was from the 1960's it's as true today as ever.

Make love. Stop fighting your heart. Stop the war.
Overcome what you were programmed to be (as best you can) and free yourself to what YOU want to be. Easier said than done I'm afraid.

Nothing makes me happier than seeing a man or woman figuring out how to do this for themselves. I hope to join their ranks one day at least in spirit while on this Earth. I salute those such as these.

If not, then I guess I'll figure it out like everyone else in the next life. Sooner or later.

I've come into a new theory (not mine... Swedenborgian) that reincarnation is for those who are across the veil... death is different there... less of a mystery and more looked forward to as a graduation of the soul through greater knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.

And of course, the greatest thing is growing into a greater love relationship with? I don't know, I'm not dead yet, but I'm working on my relationships here daily.