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How a Child Might Cope - Effects of Divorce on Children

Possible random thoughts going through your child(ren's) mind:

1. I just wish you two would stop fighting. When you fight I feel small and powerless. I have enough on my mind. It is not easy moving from home to home. I'm not always sure where I'm supposed to be – I don't always know where to tell my friends to call – I worry about leaving homework or books at the wrong house.

2. I wish you would not say bad things about each other. I don't want to hear bad things about my parents from you or anyone else. I don't even care if what you are telling me is true, I just don't want to hear it.

3. I hate it when you two want me to take sides. I DON'T want to take sides. I am not on either side. I don't know why you two are getting divorced and don't want to know. I don't want to be in the middle and please don't ask me to tell the other parent something. I am only _____ years old. Sometimes I think this is all my fault even when you tell me it isn't.

4. I don't want to be a messenger. If you two have something to say to each other just say them to each other and don't involve me.

5. I want my privacy. When I am talking to my friends or when I am talking to one of you I don't want the other one butting in when I am on the phone, I don't want either of you listening in or even to be in the same room.

6. I also don't want to hear about money problems. I know you two have to work that out, but I don't want to hear about it. It seems to me there is a lot of money being spent on fighting.

7. Lastly, I know you two are different and I accept the fact that there are different rules at each house and that you treat me differently. I don't see that as good or bad, I just think it is different. I don't like it when one of you tries to make me feel like what the other one does that is different is bad. You need to understand that it is just different. I know that when I grow up and have kids I may do stuff like Mom and some stuff like Dad, but I hope I don't fight like the two of you do so your grandchildren won't have to go through what I have had to go through.