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2/24/2012

Of Anger and True Friends

I asked my beautiful friend Jenny to pray for my character area of anger. She told me to study Ecclesiastes 7:9.

Eclessiastes 7:9

Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,

for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Right on point!
Anger resides in the lap of fools. A fool I am.
Thank heavens, ,the Lord gives a way:

Jeremiah 17

14 Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed;

save me and I will be saved,

for you are the one I praise.

Indeed heal me, Father, from my foolishness. You can't be the one I praise while my anger displays my foolishness around.
I am not one to tackle the symptom but the cause. Lately, my anger has been uncontrolable and ever present.
I lash out my anger at work, at home, alone to my husband, my peers, my computer (mainly), even politcs, myself through my grimace, my tone, my words, my actions and reactions, facebook.
I get angry at every little thing that doesn't go the way I want it: the computer program doesn't do what I programmed it to do, the meal didn't come out as I planned it, the tv or videogame doesn't work, the house isn't as clean and organized as I wanted it, the husband doesn't do things as swift as I think he should, the traffic didn't move as quickly as I had hoped, I'm not as lean as I wish I were, I didn't rest as much as I needed.. The list could go on.

"Little things." Seriously, they are and my mind knows it.
With the issues my family and I have been dealing this the past months, this is nothing.
Why am I so angry?

Jeremiah 17

9 The heart is deceitful above all things

and beyond cure.

Who can understand it?

10 “I the LORD search the heart

and examine the mind,

to reward each person according to their conduct,

according to what their deeds deserve.”

I am before You, God, asking You to reveal what is in my heart and examine my mind.
Tell me, Lord, the cause of my anger.
This little things turn me mad in the split of a second.
I haven't realized I'm angry when my tone already changed to exasperation and meanness.
I can even feel it move from my heart to my fingers, all the way down to my toes.
I try to fight it.
I hear my mind tell my heart to calm down, yet my heart already told my fist to clinch.
It's a disease in my heart that has infected my body.
I do feel it beyond cure.
What is causing it?
I shameful acknowledge I am known for being short-tempered, but not to this extent and for this reasons.

Today my beautiful daughter, Adina, sweetly admonished me for my anger lashing on facebook towards our government authorities and the desicions they take that really make our life worse. Corrupted and injust as they might be, I am still commanded to honor them.
I am not used to having friends willing to help me grow in the character areas where I'm lacking.
I wish I had more willing friends to confront this scaring angry girl.
I'm glad I have her in my life willing to give me Word and correction.
I have been pondering on my anger outbreaks (specially since my computer is going nuts) and keeping them checked.
I decided that listening to Jon Foreman's soothing and edifying song would help on the task.
As I heard Baptize my mind, I prayed the lyrics for myself and wrote them on my facebook status:
"Baptize my mind. For this seeds to give birth to life, first they must die."
I really prayed "God, help me just die to myself."
A little later, I snide commented on a status talking about the wonderful job our politics are doing with the city's streets and the traffic problem. (Linda, if you ought to grow on anger control, be rid of sarcasm :P)
This is what she wrote: (Bear in mind that she sent this via text message. How loving of her to take the time.)

" 'My dear friends, don't let public opinion influence how you live out our glorious, Christ.originated faith. Listen, dear friends. Isn't it clear by now that God operates quite differently? He chose the world's down.and.out as the kingdom's first citizens, with full rights and privileges. This kingdom is promised to anyone who love God. Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in ragas and half-starved and say 'Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!' and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup. Where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That's just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them?' (James2:1-5, 14-17,19 MSG)'
We can't say: "God, baptize my mind" and at the same time say otherwise. I'm sorry if I'm harsh, but Linds, know I love you and I also wish to grow on this area."

(This was sent at 12:45 am. First thing in the morning. :P Am I blessed or am I blessed?)

Oh, how she gets me! :)
My anger felt a hard blow to the core with this text message. My anger? My pride? Same thing.
And how transforming her words and Your Word!
I just hope their effect is not short-lived but a permanent impact.

Jeremiah 17

5 This is what the LORD says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who draws strength from mere flesh

and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

8 They will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.”

Adina and Jenny as bridesmaids at my wedding. Always there beside me :)

I'm an overanalyzer.
There must be a reason for me being so vulnerable to anger beyond things not going how I want them.
I confess I've even considered my hypothyroidism having a hand at this. I haven't gotten checked in almost a year and I should have gone 5 months ago!
I have been feeling it's symptoms surging and I must take action.
But I refuse to believe the cure to my heart is none other than God.
Here's my prescription from my true Healer then:
Half hour of prayer and meditation in the morning and an hour of prayer and thankfulness in the evening.
Higher dosage of Word study and memorization. Three to four chapters of reading a day and five verse memorization a week.
Asking friends to pray for me and call me out on my foolishness.
More christian music listening while at work!

Dear Father,
I'm sorry for my behaviour. I am sorry I have anger issues. I am grateful for them for I believe Your Word when You say that when I am weak, You are strong.
Thank You for my Adina and Jenny and many other wonderful friends. Thank You mainly for my husband and all the patience and love You bestow on him. Might I learn to honor with my eyes on You and let my anger pass over without sinning. May I also learn forgiveness for it is the counterpart of anger. Give me the capacity to let it go and to seek harmony, love, and compassion. Help me pursuit You way instead of the me, me, me pursuit. Whenever the "I wanted this like this" thought come to mind, remind me the right though is "Did I do it or did it turn out the way You wanted it. Thank You for Your mercy, grace,and love. You are forever wonderful!