6.14.2010

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of [free Internet dating site I will keep private for my mother's sake (besides, all the kids are doing it these days)] most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

Recently? Has the same photo recently become more attractive? Have a wave of similarly disillusioned 23-37-year-olds suddenly joined the Internet dating bandwagon? Seriously. Same photo. Since joining. I'm ashamed to admit how long ago.

The crux of the matter:Your new elite status comes with one important privilege: You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

Wait a minute, I haven't even seen the most attractive people so far? I didn't pay for this site, so I will instead ask for the time back that I spent on mostly awful to okay dates with apparently less attractive beings.