Tag Archives: learning

That stab. That cut. When you realize past faults have not been forgotten or forgiven.

It’s that sting only a loved one can give you. When they take your past and hold your heart hostage with your transgressions.

“I don’t trust you.”

“It’s just like when you…”

And you know to shrug it off, because, it’s a low blow, below the belt, they meant it to sting like hell… but they forget you’re not as stone as you seem most days. They just wanted to jab, they forgot they were throwing a punch to the gut.

They forgot.

But all you can do is remember.

So you try and grow, and build, and learn. Because that’s all you can do. You know who you are now. Shaken, but steady. You won’t crumble, you’ll fortify, and hope not to become so absent minded. You hope to never deliver the same sorts of blows. Never. Don’t stoop. Stand Tall. Chin up. Keep on, Keeping on.

Thank God for those faults that made you fall, made you learn, made you grow, and made you better. Thank God.

“When you show me, when you actually have something physical to hand me, then I will be excited.”

Those words are stuck in my mind, never mind who they came from. My celebration of finishing the first round of edits on 1/4th of my novel came crashing down. I’m only 1/4th through my FIRST round of edits. Just 25%. Only .25, lots to go, before it ever becomes a “novel”.

And then if you continue the math, really, I’m most likely only 2% through the editing phase before I’ll have that demanded physical proof.

Who knows, still, if any of this is worth it. And I want to be down and discouraged, I want to whine that everyone (okay not everyone, bust most) is shrugging off my excited non-stop talk on “Hey I have two young kids, fifty million animals and things to do, and I still got over 6 hours of work in last week!!!” But I won’t, I get it, the proof will be on the paper, and maybe, MAYBE on a shelf one day.

appropriately today I stumbled upon one of my new favorite blogs by Robb Grindstaff and in his article of 10 Writing Lessons, he nailed what was in my head:

Lesson #9: Never, ever, ever give up.

You need to write. Your soul requires it of you. There are readers out there waiting to read what you have to say. They need to read it. The quality of their lives depends on it. But first, you must learn to write it the way it’s meant to be written.

He doesn’t ever mention that “Hey you moron, you can’t write.” Or, “If you don’t have this list of skills or experience you should probably give up.” He says, “You must learn to write it the way it’s ment to be written.” Learning is okay. Struggling is great. You just have to do it. After all, “The quality of their lives (future readers) depends on it.” even if today the work in progress is enough to send an english professor into an early grave.

It’s time for me to not allow other people’s non-excitement and disbelief to discourage me.

My “soul requires it of me.”

What’s your soul requiring of you? (or did you sell your soul off to the millions of cookie pushing crack dealers girl scouts this weekend?)