At Home with Christie – Building a House Will Likely Test Your Marriage

My husband used to tell me that we would never build a new house because “you build a house and then you get divorced.” That’s not actually a true cause and effect, but I can point to several couples in our circle at the time that did divorce after building. I just chalked it up to coincidence. Now I see why it does occasionally happen.

Going through the home building process will test your communication skills, your tolerance levels, your money relationship. It will clearly define priorities and require compromise. It is one decision and curveball after another. It requires long hours of going through question after question about types and choices of flooring, windows, light fixtures, cabinetry, door styles and hardware… You get the picture. Hours and hours, days upon days of this. And it’s the two of you and both votes count.

Building a house certainly doesn’t cause divorce, but it will likely amplify your marriage. If you are pretty in sync with each other on a normal day, it might go pretty smoothly. You could get to the end of the process and be happy with the house and a little closer to each other. If you’re frequently butting heads, you’re going to be even more frequently butting heads, and harder. There’s a chance you might not like the result and have some residual resentment.

My suggestion is to do a lot of homework before you build. Find an agent and a builder that will fully explain what is needed and work with you at a manageable pace. Keep perspective that this is just a short period of time, and seek marriage counseling, or buy a lot of chocolate. Cope however you can. This is certainly a case where a little homework and perspective go a long way in smoothing the transition. Maybe we can change it to “the couple that builds together, stays together!”

On any given day I’m a full time real estate agent, momma and chief wrangler of two kids and two dogs, married to a guy who essentially hunts and fishes for a living, and happy residing on the outskirts of Erie, PA. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I have superpowers, except my cape is usually in the laundry…I hope. It’s all in a day’s work.