Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Korea Times says it has uncovered evidence suggesting that Koreans may be suffering from such severe nationalism they might even be considered Jewish. Despite suffering from a long and well-documented history of persecution, the news is likely to shock Koreans who had always regarded migrant workers as the Jews of Korea, not themselves. It will also embarrass customers of South Korea's Nazi Bars, and possibly stop Korea's Nazi fashion wave in its Panzer tracks.

The media has long portrayed successful ethnic Koreans who hold a foreign citizenship such as the golfer Michelle Wie as actually full Korean citizens, while categorizing Koreans who live in other countries and commit crimes as Korean Americans. Meanwhile, ethnic Koreans who come to Korea to teach English and commit crimes are merely referred to as "foreign English teachers" or "foreign criminals".

Koreans in America who commit mass murder are clearly immersed in the dark side of U.S. popular culture. But what if the opposite is true, and Koreans in America who succeed do so because they have escaped from the dark side of Korean popular culture, especially prolonged exposure to K-pop which has been shown to erode intelligence by foreign scientific studies which were never taken seriously before now? The explosive suggestion is that Koreans succeed not because they are Koreans, but because they leave Korea and live outside its corrupting influence.

Even the notion that overseas Koreans are still pure-blooded has been called into question recently, after a 34 year-old Korean man who returned to Korea following a serious car accident was blocked from re-entering the country when airport scanners found he was no longer pure-blooded after receiving a blood transfusion in an American hospital. While he was legally deported for traveling on what had effectively become a false passport, it raised the question of how pure-blooded Koreans who lived in foreign countries their whole lives could really be.

It has always been thought that even if Koreans living overseas were no longer pure-blooded Koreans, they would still represent Korean interests as to not do so would be simple treason. But the K-logic of all of this was thrown into disarray last year when ethnic Korean Sung Kim was made U.S. ambassador to Korea, and people were shocked to discover that he actually intended to represent American policy in Korea, even when it was at odds with what Koreans believed, which didn't make any sense.

According to 53 year-old Professor Kim from Dokdo Korea University in Dokdo City, Koreans have long since developed a severe case of severe nationalism, which could have a negative impact in the global arena. What's more important now is to embrace those foreigners who become Korean citizens and live here, not just regard the phenomenon as a mental health issue, he said.

But if Koreans - the Chosen people - are ultimately found to be Jewish - the chosen people - it would solve one of the enduring mysteries of how Jesus could be both Korean and Jewish, because the two would be one and the same. It would also mean that Jerry Seinfeld, America's most successful comedian after Sarah Palin, could be claimed by the Korean people as one of their own, alongside many other successful Americans who have previously been dismissed as Jews by Koreans. An excited spokesman for the Ministry of Culture told reporters earlier today that "if Koreans really are Jewish, the Korean Wave is far more successful than even we suggested it was."