Collections of Resources on Education for Sustainability and Green Living

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Harvard psychologists have been studying what it takes to raise 'good' kids.

A lot of parents are tired of being told how technology is screwing up their kids.

Moms
and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition
for their children's attention, and they're bombarded at each turn of
the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound
worries for raising great kids.

But beneath the madness of modernity, the basics of raising a moral child haven't really changed.

Parents want their kids to achieve their goals and find
happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn't have to come at
the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a few
tried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold your kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans you want them to be. Here are six practical tips:

1) Hang out with your kids.

This is, like, the foundation of it all. Spend regular time with your
kids, ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world
and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only
will you learn all sorts of things that make your child unique, you'll
also be demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another
person.

2) If it matters, say it out loud.

According to the researchers, "Even though most parents and caretakers
say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children
aren't hearing that message." So be sure to say it with them. And so
they know it's something they need to keep up with, check in with
teachers, coaches, and others who work with your kids on how they're
doing with teamwork, collaboration, and being a generally nice person.

3) Show your child how to "work it out."

Walk them through decision-making processes that take into
consideration people who could be affected. For example, if your child
wants to quit a sport or other activity, encourage them to identify the
source of the problem and consider their commitment to the team. Then
help them figure out if quitting does, in fact, fix the problem.

4) Make helpfulness and gratitude routine.

The researchers write, "Studies show that people who engage in the
habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous,
compassionate, and forgiving — and they're also more likely to be happy
and healthy." So it's good for parents to hold the line on chores,
asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the
day. And when it comes to rewarding "good" behavior, the researchers
recommend that parents "only praise uncommon acts of kindness."

5) Check your child's destructive emotions.

"The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame,
envy, or other negative feelings," say the researchers. Helping kids
name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict
resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a
caring individual. It's also important to set clear and reasonable
boundaries that they'll understand are out of love and concern for their
safety.

6) Show your kids the bigger picture.

"Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of
families and friends," say the researchers. The trick is getting them to
care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically
outside their circles. You can do this by coaching them to be
good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people's
shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments in news and
entertainment.

"Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard
work. But it's something all of us can do. And no work is more
important or ultimately more rewarding."