Cower in your air-conditioned house for the next month or you will get heatstroke and die.

It’s nice out early in the morning. I went for a bike ride around dawn (6 am) today and it was almost cool out, and there was a layer of dew on everything.

When photographing in the sun, stand with your back to it. If your subject is 5 feet or closer, turn on your flash — it will make the shadows less harsh.

Scientists have recently discovered that contrary to popular belief beer is too (yes it is) a good way to stay hydrated. Sure the alcohol de-hydrates you a little, but the effect is more then offset by the actual beer. If you don’t have beer, try water.

Take your car to your mechanic and have them top off your freon.

Be one of those cool people walking around with an umbrella. When people chuckle, chuckle back. You’ll get the last laugh.

Get a tan, but do it gradually, with short exposure building up over time. Once you’re tan you can stay in the sun longer.

Try going to Bogotá (elevation: 8,661 ft, and right off the equator) for a few weeks and walk around. The Miami sun will start to seem like a weak, distant light bulb.

If you’re out and you’re really hot and you suddenly stop sweating or get feverish, congratulations: you’ve got heatstroke. Call 911 (seriously) and get as cool as you can as fast as you can while you wait. A bath filled with ice would not be overkill. See here.

Alesh: marathon running was used as an example. If you would prefer, we could substitute your epic 1-hour bike rides instead.

Exertion in hot weather to any degree, whether it be running or mowing grass, requires the replacement of fluids that are lost. Both caffeine and beer are diuretics that causes one to expel more liquids at a rate less efficient than water or other replacement fluids.

Hey, but don’t take my word for it, you who has more knowledge and experience in everything. Grab your parasol and your beer and sashay down Washington Street. It will suit you perfectly.

“ . . . at a rate less efficient than water or other replacement fluids.”

Rick, I didn’t have you pegged as one of those efficiency-obsessed Americans. This’ll be like talking to a brick wall, but there are actually people out here that value things other then efficiency. Fun, for instance.

As for my bike rides, I’m good for about four hours on the weekends; I prefer red wine with those. For the weekday 1-hour jobs, it’s usually bourbon. 100 proof — 80 is for pussies.

kingofrance~

What kind of beer was it? I’d think something light like Modelo Especial, or the champagne of beers, Miller High Life?

Rick/Alesh: The way I get around losing water while mowing the lawn is to do it barefoot, thus absorbing water from the cut grass through the bottoms of my feet. Of course, that won’t help marathoners running on paved circumstances. Perhaps they mkgut try those rubber astronaut diapers instead, keeping lost fluids closer to the body.

Miller High Life Light (not Miller Lite or Miller High Life) works very well, but last Saturday, doing the lawn, I tried that ghastly Mexican working class beer, Tecate, in cans. Excellent, except afterwards I had an urge to pick lettuce.

This thread is a joke? Now you tell me. And here I was about to tell you all about my grandpappy’s special bourbon-and-espresso heatstroke remedy, which has saved me on numerous occasions during my daily 4-hour midday runs in the Everglades.

Having run a couple of marathons, I can say that drinking alcohol and/or caffeine are two of the worse things you can do when exerting yourself in hot weather. — Rick (#4)

I’ve been suffering guilt pangs for correcting the spelling of “Bogotá” in the post without acknowledging Rick’s pointing it out. I’ll let it go with just mentioning that when you’re making fun of a guy for missing a ‘t’, it’s funnier when you don’t miss t’s yourself. Truth that throws some meat to the dogs is no less worth telling for doing so.

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