When Lance Armstrong, left; Alex Rodriguez, center; and Richie Incognito don't fully come clean about their transgressions, they'll have to pay the price.

Photo: Matthew Stockman, Getty Images

When Lance Armstrong, left; Alex Rodriguez, center; and Richie...

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When Lance Armstrong, left; Alex Rodriguez, center; and Richie Incognito don't fully come clean about their transgressions, they'll have to pay the price.

Photo: Frank Gunn, Associated Press

When Lance Armstrong, left; Alex Rodriguez, center; and Richie...

Image 3 of 3

FILE - In this Oct. 20, 2013, file photo, Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito walks on the sidelines during the first half of an NFL football game against the Buffalo Bills in Miami Gardens, Fla. Incognito filed a grievance Thursday, Nov. 14, 2013, against the Dolphins over his suspension. A person familiar with the situation told The Associated Press that the guard filed it over his suspension for conduct detrimental to the team. The person spoke Thursday on condition of anonymity because the grievance has not officially been announced. (AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee, File)

Welcome to America's hottest game show, "Win Back Some of Your Reputation." And here's your host, Jose Canseco!

Thank you, Johnny Gilbert! Let's say hello to today's contestants - Lance Armstrong, Richie Incognitoand Alex Rodriguez. You boys will be competing to see which of you can worm your way back into America's good graces. And when I say worm, I mean that in the most complimentary way! (Canned laughter.)

All three of our contestants have taken an oath of honesty. Just kidding! We tried that before the very first show, and our Bible burst into flames.

You guys know how this works. The competition consists of three rounds.

First, each of you will meet face-to-face with a former fan, with points awarded on how long you can talk before your former fan either barfs or hits the B.S. button with his sledgehammer, opening the trap door on the vat of slime above your head.

Next is the talent competition. Each of you will have two minutes to rationalize or alibi for your crimes and misdeeds while tap-dancing to "Tea for Two."

Lastly, the lightning round! While hooked to a lie detector, you will answer questions from our Grand Inquisitor. Each non-truthful response will earn you a hilarious bolt of lightning, delivered via electrodes attached to your buttocks.

We'll begin the fun right after this commercial break. Folks, a reminder to tune in tomorrow, when it's Legends Day! We give Tonya Harding, John Rockerand Shoeless Joe Jackson a chance to (audience in unison) Win Back Some of Your Reputation!

Knucklehead of the week: Every NBA team owner and GM who won't consider signing Jason Collins because of "the circus" a gay player would bring

Many teams have zero interest in Collins for legit reasons. Fair enough. But some teams admit they steer clear because of what they call "the circus."

Right, can't have that kind of distraction. Never mind that the NBA is already a circus on steroids (figuratively), on and off the court.

We'll take Matt Barnesor Dwight Howard or Metta World Peace, but please don't make us deal with drama, however positive.

Hey, owners and GMs: Branch Rickey just called. He offered to loan you some character.

Deep thoughts, cheap shots & bon mots ...

-- The Guardsmen dumped Bob Sarlatte as master of ceremonies of the Big Game Luncheon after 32 years. Hey, the Guardsmen have the right to make a change, but oh, the timing. The replacement for Sarlatte at Wednesday's bash was (emphasis on was) Damon Bruce.

-- The criticism that Colin Kaepernick is not an elite-level decision-maker is being driven by ESPN's Trent Dilfer. He's an astute analyst, but worth noting: Dilfer has been close pals and golf buds with Alex Smith since 2007, when they shared QB duties and Smith was Dilfer's little grasshopper.

-- If you're still mad about Jim Harbaughmaking that change: Would you rather have Kaepernick in his 17th NFL start or Smith in his 17th?

-- In a Harris poll, Raiders fans were named the NFL's toughest fans. Since the poll was underwritten by Hanes, we eagerly anticipate TV commercials featuring Gorilla Rilla, Dr. Death, Raider Gloria and Violator in their underwear.

-- The Warriors' waterfront arena plans include a practice facility. Why? That's a big hunk of extra space to shoehorn into the neighborhood. Many teams practice far from their arenas. Maybe the Warriors' owners, as a lovely parting gift, could open a practice gym in Oakland where fans could watch the team they've supported.

-- No chance the team will ever become the San Francisco Warriors. That would be a dagger in the hearts of East Bay fans. But don't think Joe Lacobhasn't dreamed of that change.

-- How did the Raiders not know Terrelle Pryor had a sprained MCL? Did he get that diagnosis from an outside doctor? If so, how did the Raiders' doctors not render the same diagnosis? If only Al were still here to shine some light on all this secrecy!

-- Must be painful for Cal fans to see their football team ranked No. 114 in the Sagarin ratings, right behind Bethune-Cookman. At least the Bears are ahead of Sonny Dykes' old team, Louisiana Tech, No. 159.

-- Now frozen in time in the Warriors' book of great moments: Andre Iguodala's OKC-killing jumper, falling gently as an autumn leaf.

-- One of Jesse Owens' four gold medals from the 1936 Olympics will be auctioned off. IOC President Thomas Bachsadly referred to the medal as "a part of world heritage." Soon it will be part of some rich guy's man cave.