The Best (and Worst) Things About the F*cking Fours

As mom to a spunky 4-year-old, I’ve come to realize that every age
and stage has been marked by some pretty intense personality shifts for my
daughter. Each year, I get to know who she’s going to become a little bit more,
and I really do love seeing her learn and grow into her own personality. But
I’ve also found that every birthday seems to come with a whole new set of
parenting challenges.

I know everyone loves talking about threenagers, but for us the
terrible twos really were far worse. Three was mostly a breeze. And now?

We’re deep in the f*cking fours.

Worst: The
Stubbornness

My little girl has always been
a bit strong-willed, but lately she has mastered the art of stomping her feet
in protest. She’s also got a lower lip she doesn’t hesitate to push out and an
eye roll you would think came straight from a little tween. She has opinions on everything these days, from what I’m
serving for breakfast to what route I take to drop her off at school (yes,
really.) And she’s not afraid to voice those opinions, or to stage her own
revolt if she thinks I’m in the wrong.

Unfortunately for her, she also
has a stubborn mama. And while I don’t have any intention of breaking that spirit
of hers, I do find myself wishing daily that she
wasn’t so intent on using that will of hers against me.

Best: The
Conversations

Still, one of my favorite
things about this stage is the conversations we have been having lately.
Suddenly my little girl is this little person with thoughts and feelings all
her own. And she’s actually capable of articulating those thoughts and
feelings!

We have conversations about
everything from superheroes to the homeless man she wanted to give her banana
to. She talks to me about Jesus, and her favorite movie, and what the other
kids were saying at school that day. And at bedtime, we take turns telling each
other bedtime stories, which is something she’s actually gotten pretty good at!

Worst: The
Offensive Observations

On the other hand, all her new
words and articulate responses have also morphed into horrifically embarrassing
moments over the last few months. She has, on more than one occasion, loudly
pointed out the physical attributes of strangers in public—commenting on “big
tummies” and amputated limbs without hesitation or any attempt to quiet her
voice.

I get that this is a pretty
normal thing for kids her age, and I’ve worked to turn those instances into
teaching moments. But I feel awful every time. And I kind of find myself wishing
I had a muzzle for my f*cking 4-year-old.

Best: The Affection

For as sharp as my daughter’s
tongue has suddenly become, she has also started vocalizing her love on a much
more regular basis. Whereas my 2 and 3-year-old would tell me she loved
me only in response to me first saying the same, my 4-year-old will now
crawl into my lap completely unprompted, wrap her arms around my neck, kiss my
cheek and whisper “I love you,” out of nowhere.

And yeah, it melts me every
time.

She’s always been
pretty big on wanting to do things herself, but it has grown to an epic level
this year.

Worst: The Feral
Nature

My kid has always been a little
wild, but lately that wildness is out of control. She stomps through puddles,
climbs anything she can get near, insists on yanking out any ponytail or braid
I try to give her, and rushes towards open bodies of water, stray animals, and
total strangers like it’s her job to forever be precariously teetering on the
edge of danger.

Still… I can’t help but admit I
love seeing that wildness in her. I love how fearless my little girl is
becoming, and the underlying personality I’m starting to see so much more of.
This kid of mine is sassy and funny and outspoken and bold. And for every extra
struggle those personality characteristics create for me as her mother, the
number of times I otherwise just find myself watching her in awe make it all
worthwhile.

Worst: “I do it
myself!”

The f*cking fours have also
ushered in the stage of independence for my little girl. She’s always been
pretty big on wanting to do things herself, but it has grown to an epic level
this year. She doesn’t care if we’re in a rush, she is dressing herself. And
choosing her own shoes. And how dare I even think
of putting her in the cart at the store. She’s walking. Duh.

To say that all this “I do it
myself!” tends to slow us down would be an understatement. If we’re late
somewhere, it’s because my kid no longer wants to be a kid.

Best: “I do it
myself!”

You want to know a secret,
though? All that independence is kind of working for me! I love that I can now
tell her to get dressed, and she’ll go handle that situation herself. I love
that she’s actually mastered getting in and out of her car seat, and that she’s
taken over wiping her own butt. Suddenly, at 4, my kid is pretty darn
adept at taking care of herself.

I joke about the f* cking fours
a lot, mostly because my little girl has become extra good at testing my
patience lately. But the truth is, this is my favorite stage so far. She’s
funny, and smart, and fiercely independent in this way I just can’t help but
admire. The person my little girl is becoming is a person I would actually want
to be friends with.