Queen of the Distracted

Imagine life in a house with 6 kids - now imagine if 5 of those kids and their father have ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) - that is our house! Welcome to an inside view of my life and our home dominated by ADHD... THERE IS NEVER A DULL MOMENT!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls!

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls!"

Those were our oldest daughter Rachel's first words, from the time she was a toddler she would belt them out proudly standing on the arm of the couch. At the time we had no idea what ADHD was or that it would play such a central roll in our lives.

Since then we have learned a lot, not the least of which is how many individuals and families suffer in silence. We have experienced first hand how misunderstood and misrepresented a disorder can be.

As a family we decided to take action - to risk embarrassment and labeling to get this important message out to the world. Come join our family, share in our lives, and see ADD/ADHD as we see it...A gift with a heavy price tag.

WELCOME to life in the ADD/ADHD House!

Monday, October 14, 2013

I was talking to the friend the other day who had a terrible day. One of those when life comes out of no where and sucker punches you leaving you a little breathless and reeling trying to find your footing. We talked for awhile but truth being what it was talking wouldn't change much. It was one of those, "it is what it is," situations that doesn't bend no matter how much we want it too. A struggle that takes long term coping mechanisms. In parting she said she was off to, "self-medicate." Normally this would have freaked me out a bit because when I hear or see or use the term self-medicate it has always had the negative connotation of using drugs or alcohol to escape or cope. But that's not what she said, not what she meant, because she didn't stop there. What she said basically was, "I'm going to go self-medicate by diving into to some creative writing."

roller blading

Self-medicating as a positive way to cope, I had never thought about it that way.

But it tickled my brain and as it settled I started to shift my own paradigm. Suddenly, I saw self-medicating in a whole new light. My own son came to mind. We have always made a point of making sure our kids knew they had ADHD and whatever co-occurring conditions that each of them have individually, no secrets here. In addition we have made a point of making sure they understood their conditions and how their brain works. So it wasn't a surprise one night when I overheard my son talking to his dad, "I am having a panic attack," he was vibrating with neurotic energy, "can I go roller blade? I need some dopamine right now!" A personal awareness victory for sure. A triumph for self-advocacy, he knew what he needed to pull his world back into balance and asked for it. Exercise would be the no-brainer on the list of things you can do to lift your mood, re-balance your life, release some dopamine, and feel better. Exercise is a quick way to get those happy chemicals coursing through the brain and body but certainly not the only way.

Engaging in a creative activity results in the same flood of chemicals. For my friend it's writing, we have some writers in our house. Writers, artists, musicians, filmmakers, actors the rush that they get from engaging in these activities is a powerful way to self-medicate. In addition to the chemical release in the brain that reenforces that these activities are good and bring happiness, these more creative outlets allow the individual to express what they're feeling. They're a form of release.

I remember a meeting with one of my daughters and our family psychiatrist. He was explaining to her the importance of having a pressure release. He compared it to air in a balloon. Life is crazy, demanding, hard and as we move through it we collect air in our balloons. If we don't let some of that air out on a regular basis eventually there is just too much air and our balloon pops.

Nai Da Zip

When we use creative releases we have a way of expressing our joys, fears, frustrations, pains, hurt, love, happiness, rage. It can be a beautiful and profound way of expressing, releasing, self-medicating. Sitting in the middle of my creative house I can see it manifest in many different mediums. My one non-ADHDer most recently created 2 new cartoon characters, Nai and Zip. A little creature, Zip, is full of energy and mischief. Zip's hair changes color with his mood. Zip is here and there and pretty much everywhere. When I asked her about it she told me flat out Zip was the manifestation of all her ADHD siblings in one little character. She is Nai. Nai Da Zip gives her an outlet. As I came to realize, by my friends comment in passing, it gives her a healthy way to self-medicate through the chaos of our lives.

With this new perspective I see

running lines for The Mighty Kubar

more clearly their thoughts, emotions, feelings woven into their pieces of art, echoed in the lyrics of their music, poured out in the emotion of their acting, recorded in the scenes of film, typed out in the words and thoughts of characters on the page. This new revelation didn't bring any earth shaking changes to our house, we were doing these things before and we will continue to do them. But I feel like I have a new tool in my tool box to help my family through the rocky, bumpy roads of life. A new positive release to encourage them to use when everything is overwhelming and troublesome, when they feel off kilter.

And one that works for me too, I can disappear for while into another
world, work out my feelings, express myself, get some positive brain
chemicals flowing, and emerge feeling better about the world.

What I came to realize, after I gave it some thought, was creative endeavors are a great way to self-medicate, maybe one of the best because they fulfill so many wonderful purposes at once. As I am writing, right now, there are several kids singing, guitar being practiced, drawing, a set being dressed to start filming on The Mighty Kubar tomorrow, and acting all at this very moment. And I think of my friend and her writing and the great coping mechanism it is to her. I'll never think of self-medicating in the same one-sided negative way again. In fact, now I think I can only think of all the great and positive ways we can find balance and happiness by self-medicating through positive ways.

Thank You Psych Central and ADHD from A to Zoe

Thank you so much to Pysch Central for hosting our Mother's Day webinar and to Zoe Kessler from ADHD from A to Zoe for inviting me to talk with her about parenting ADHD kids. I had a wonderful time! I am excited to offer those who didn't get a chance to join us the chance to listen to the recording by following this link

Quote of the Day

"I love the jaws of life, you can cut through the hinges of a car door easily. I want to get some and keep them in my trunk, just in case!" --says the boy who says he has 'safety issues'

"A post hole digger?" said to Hunter as he rolled by on roller blades towards the side yard...he was trying to dig a fire pit and couldn't find the shovel.

"There's a snake in a boot on the freckle in the hole at the bottom of the sea!"

"Trust me, Mary, I am the King of unrealistic plans and if I say it can't be done, it can't be done!"-Mark, my husband and truly the King of Unrealistic Plans

"I am tempted to dance, BUT I won't"- Hunter (while working on school)

"You tell me NOT to do it but that makes me want to do it MORE. Now I HAVE to do it!"-Rachel (regarding licking the laptop screen)

"Processing thought - please hold and enjoy the music while your party is being reached."- Mariah (when she lost her train of thought -- don't know how she will find it while she is humming elevator music)

"SAFETY: Not an Option"(huge sign on the gates of a cement company...I think it belongs on my gate...do you think that they meant Safety: not optionAL)

"His middle name is "danger"? Man, I wish my middle name was Danger!"- Jaren

"You're making the left side on my brain hurt." -Rachel

You Might be ADHD if......

You might be ADHD if when you clean out your pumpkin on Halloween you think, "This is a big pumpkin! I wonder if I can fit it on my head?" and then TRY!

You might be ADHD if you try to hypnotize yourself with a set of ear buds by swinging them back and forth, back and forth in front of your nose. (Hunter)

You might be ADHD if in the middle of breakfast you run away from the table screaming, "Wait a minute while I get my plasma gun!" (Hunter)

You might be ADHD if you plan to have a huge statue of a garden gnome made with the eyes carved out so you can sit in it and watch people. (Rachel)

You might be ADHD if you think, "what did you do this weekend?" is a private and personal question. (Mariah)

You might be ADHD if you bring out the lawn chair, a glass of ice water and binoculars to stare at the sheriff who is clearly doing paperwork in your cul de sac, occasionally waiving. (Mariah)

You might be ADHD if you think fairy wings and a wand are good accessories to any outfit - and you are 17. (Rachel)

You might be ADHD if you want to hire a gospel choir to follow you around and sing highlights of everything you say.(Rachel)

You might be ADHD if when you find out the lamp is on/off touch sensitive you HAVE to touch it, then touch it with your elbow, then your forehead....then YOUR TONGUE.(Hunter)

My husband says I have a hard time committing to anything. I think it is a learned behavior. Like a lab rat that gets zinged by pressing t...

Box? What Box? Where?

"Are cannibals omnivores?"

"Hey, I came up with a new bathroom game! ...whhhhp... You throw the suction cup frogs...whhhhp... at the mirror to see if they will stick...whhhhp...I call it Tactical Froggy...whhhhp..." (Jaren 9 yrs old)"If you swallow gum will you blow bubble farts?" asked with a sincere desire to know...disturbing.(Hunter 11 yrs old)Jaren's (9 yrs. old) 2009 Christmas Wish List

Mini cactus from ThinkGeekHolographic keyboardWind tunnel to do tricks inCrash mat for when he can't use the wind tunnelPocket watches for his collectionLaser pointer with a clock on itA portable lie detectorand a bag of chips so he can say, "I'm all that and a bag of chips"

THE VOICE OF REASON

"I think I possibly might be considering going to regular HS." - Hannah throwing all caution to the wind

"Can we drop her off in a field...with a rod...and hope for a lightening storm?"

(directed to Mariah who had been pestering Hannah about eating more iron rich foods)

-----"Sometimes I wonder then I remember I don't want to know!"-----

"6160- the NEW 5150"

(6160 is our street address and for those that don't know 5150 is the legal code for INVOLUNTARY PSYCHIATRIC HOLD!)

-Hannah's NON-ADHD comments

OH YES... SHE DID JUST SAY THAT!

"I know its none of my business, that's why I have to be a part of it! If it was my business I wouldn't care. Everybody else's business is so much more interesting"

"You don't have to worry about having bad friends if you don't have any friends. HA! I win!"

"You keep interrupting my threats! You never let me get to the crocodile or the dental floss!"

Mariah: Did you know that if you say dolphin fast enough it sounds like gullible?Younger brothers: Doooooooolllllph.....hey.....Mariah!-----Rachel: Mariah get up and help you are just sitting there!

Mariah: I am NOT just sitting here - I am SENDINGPOSITIVE THOUGHTS!-----"I have a weakness, I feel it is my personal responsibility to let people know when they are idiots. After all, what if they go their whole life thinking they are intelligent and no one tells them they are not."- Mariah - said at church in front of visiting authorities

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About Me

Who knew? Though I planned on having a big family I certainly didn't plan on most of the members of the family having ADHD. I didn't even know what ADHD was back then but here we are and I can honestly say I would not change a thing even if I could.