Study Habits

Pure Slush 2013 Australia

This past Friday afternoon I saw our Rabbi in Barnes & Noble. A large coffee table book, THE KABALA, MOSES & THE CATSKILL TUMMLERS, was resting on the table as he held it upright with one hand and wrote furiously with the other.

He had three hours before services began and I figured he lost track of time. I scurried around the book aisles like Elmer stalking Bugs until I came up behind him. I wanted to see what he was writing. I separated books on the shelves and peered through, but while I couldn’t read off his pad from this distance, I noticed that he had another book inside. I’d seen a flash of yellow and black just as he closed The Kabala book.

He left and I went to the table and found OLD TESTAMENT SERMONS FOR DUMMIES inside the closed book. This was great! I had the goods on the Rab man. I knew I could use this to my advantage, but what could I get from a Rabbi that was worthwhile—an Aliah, a mention in his monthly column, “Words From Wisdom”?

Realizing that I had something to sell that no one would buy, like spats, depressed me, so instead of going to Services I took my wife to the movies. If I’d gone to Temple I would have heard his sermon, “EVEN RABBIES GET WRITER’S BLOCK AND HOW I RESOLVED MINE IN TIME FOR SHABBAT”.

But the truth of the matter is that if I’d gone and heard the sermon I’d been sure that he’d seen me at the bookstore and was covering his tracks.