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My wife doesn’t want to have sex

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Q: My wife is not interested in sex any more. It’s almost a year now that we had sex. She doesn’t enjoy any physical relationship. Her lack of interest is really frustrating me. At some point I might go out and have safe paid sex. This isn’t a solution, is it? What do you suggest I can do to change my wife’s mind?

A: There are many reasons why a woman might have lost interest in sex. Distraction, disturbed interpersonal relationship, antihypertensive drugs, thyroid disorder, tranquillisers, sedatives, hypnotics and sometimes oral contraceptives can lead to a decline in sexual desire. Pain at the time of coitus, whether it is due to vaginitis, pelvic infection or abnormal uterine positions may lead to frigidity of sudden onset.

However, unfortunately, the blame is always put on the female, which is not true in most cases, if detailed history is taken. Lack of foreplay and premature ejaculation are the major culprits for low libido in women. Bad body order, foul smelling breath is also responsible for turning down female sexual desire.

Try to spend at least 15-20 minutes in foreplay. Ask what she likes and give more time on it. Foreplay is extremely important. It kindles desire and marks the beginning of the interplay. Adequate foreplay ensures adequate arousal and promotes sexual compatibility. Often, a woman would come and report, “Doctor, sex is now far more satisfying, despite the fact that my husband is unable to achieve erection.” Perhaps he is forced to learn or devote more time to foreplay, which takes away the feeling of mechanical sex and at times when he is unable to perform there is enough warmth and affection.

Take a shower and brush your teeth before lovemaking. Try different positions, places and time. It will add spice. If you are suffering from premature ejaculation, then take treatment. Newer medicines can start effect within a week.

Take to her about what turns her off and try to resolve it. If nothing works, consult a sexologist.

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