Deaf or hearing impaired? You or in the family?

I grew up with a father who went from partial hearing loss to completely deaf by the time I was in school. Many times this caused confusion and rudeness from others including stores owners and employees. This also meant that my brother my sister and me had to learn to take responsibility on communicating things since most owners didn't sign and writing a message was usually not a logical way to communicate.

My father will be 90 this year he has lost most use of his hands from arthritis and most health care workers don't sign or read it. We shift him around 2 months at a time for all 3 of us since a home would be unkind. Are there others here who have had to deal with this kind of thing both with what you grew up with and the problems now?

Or if you are hearing impaired or deaf how has this impacted on your life?

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It must be awful for your father to suffer from arthritis now, as that will reduce his ability to communicate even further. It's a shame that more people, especially those whose work brings them into contact with deaf people, don't learn even the basics of sign language.

I'm not deaf, and nor is anyone in my immediate family, but I do have a few deaf friends and part of my work focuses on deaf and blind people. I'm always surprised at how rude people can be to a person who is disabled. It's not as if their disability makes them stupid, incapable or invisible. It just means that a little more effort may be required to communicate. In fact, the basics of most forms of sign language are pretty obvious and logical. I was taught how to finger spell in school. It took a few minutes to learn the alphabet, and since then, I've learnt basic BSL, which means I can communicate well enough in social situations.

The frightening thing is that a person can become deaf or blind in a very short period. One woman I met woke up one morning and thought she had a wax buildup in her ears because everything sounded fuzzy. Over the next four days, it became progressively worse until she was totally deaf. She was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, but the damage to her ears was irreparable. It cost her her job and almost her marriage. At least if something happens gradually, it may be traumatic, but you have some chance to prepare yourself for it, but when something happens suddenly, it can destroy your life. I've heard of people who've committed suicide as a result of becoming blind or deaf, because they just couldn't handle such a catastrophic change in their circumsances.

It must be awful for your father to suffer from arthritis now, as that will reduce his ability to communicate even further. It's a shame that more people, especially those whose work brings them into contact with deaf people, don't learn even the basics of sign language.

I'm not deaf, and nor is anyone in my immediate family, but I do have a few deaf friends and part of my work focuses on deaf and blind people. I'm always surprised at how rude people can be to a person who is disabled. It's not as if their disability makes them stupid, incapable or invisible. It just means that a little more effort may be required to communicate. In fact, the basics of most forms of sign language are pretty obvious and logical. I was taught how to finger spell in school. It took a few minutes to learn the alphabet, and since then, I've learnt basic BSL, which means I can communicate well enough in social situations.

The frightening thing is that a person can become deaf or blind in a very short period. One woman I met woke up one morning and thought she had a wax buildup in her ears because everything sounded fuzzy. Over the next four days, it became progressively worse until she was totally deaf. She was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, but the damage to her ears was irreparable. It cost her her job and almost her marriage. At least if something happens gradually, it may be traumatic, but you have some chance to prepare yourself for it, but when something happens suddenly, it can destroy your life. I've heard of people who've committed suicide as a result of becoming blind or deaf, because they just couldn't handle such a catastrophic change in their circumsances.

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My father has always remained a positive man even now he is accepting of his additional ailment even as it restricts him more from interacting.

Growing up it was the rudeness of stores and other businesses, owners and employees which caused me the most distress. My father even then would tell me not to be upset at their lack of civility.

It is my firm belief that all people should be taught and learn the basic elements of signing.

My 16 yr old son is profoundly hearing impaired (not PC to say deaf nowadays) in his right ear due to a serious condition that almost killed him.

He lipreads though can hear a little bit in his left ear.He never learned to sign.

Through my job i learned Makaton (sp) and use it too if need be.

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I am sorry to read that your son has lost hearing. While good that he can read lips try to encourage him to add signing since it can help in some places like when with another person who has hearing loss and can't speak but has learned to sign. Being unsure of your son's entire condition let me add even if your son has limit or no use of his hands he can find a way to respond with nods or eye blinks if he has learned to read the signing.

I am sorry to read that your son has lost hearing. While good that he can read lips try to encourage him to add signing since it can help in some places like when with another person who has hearing loss and can't speak but has learned to sign. Being unsure of your son's entire condition let me add even if your son has limit or no use of his hands he can find a way to respond with nods or eye blinks if he has learned to read the signing.

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He's a almost 17 yr old lad and refuses to see himself as any different to other people and try as i might he just won't use sign language.Seeing as he was born full 100% hearing he can speak absolutely fine and in all truthfulness you just wouldnt know he was hearing impaired.The only give away is if somebody has their back to him when they ask him to do something and he doesnt do it (typical teenie:wink....including the circus that he is in.

He has 100% use of his limbs and is perfect in every way (to me he is anyway)

The condition attacks the mastoid,it is called cholesteatoma.He had 4 surgeries in total and **touch wood** he is alot better earwise than he was.

A neighbour where i used to live was born without hearing and and tried cochlear implants to no avail.Anyway,she lives a very full life and is a teacher at a school fotr the hearing impaired.She is married to a guy who has full hearing and they have 5 kids,2 of which have small hearing loss.Those 2 children are in mainstream school and are grade A students......including music which the boy (age 15) excells at:smile:

He's a almost 17 yr old lad and refuses to see himself as any different to other people and try as i might he just won't use sign language.Seeing as he was born full 100% hearing he can speak absolutely fine and in all truthfulness you just wouldnt know he was hearing impaired.The only give away is if somebody has their back to him when they ask him to do something and he doesnt do it (typical teenie:wink....including the circus that he is in.

He has 100% use of his limbs and is perfect in every way (to me he is anyway)

The condition attacks the mastoid,it is called cholesteatoma.He had 4 surgeries in total and **touch wood** he is alot better earwise than he was.

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I also have cholesteatoma. I started loosing hearing in my right ear at 13 the problem went undiagnossed till i was 43. I had a radical mastiodectomy 16 hours in micro surgery. leaving a hole just inside my ear canel for routine cleaning (surgery to remove growths) every 6 months. In most cases 90% or better reconstruction surgery can restore most of the hearing or the use of a BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid) or a cochlear implant. unfortunarly I am in the 10% that does without.

I have a 110db hearing loss in my right ear & a 60db loss in my left ear.
I rely very haevily on speach reading. many people talk to me as though i am stupid thier ignorance does not bother me. What truely bothers me is when those that I know speak softly then say NEVER MIND LOUDLY rather than repeating themselves a 2nd or 3rd time. My response is usualy WELL FUCK YOU TOO

My sister had that as a kid. They operated though and her hearing improved over the years. Now it is supposedly within the normal range, but she has been left with some 'psychological' deafness. ie. physically she can hear and she performs well on tests, but in practice there is a lot she misses. I instinctively look at people when I speak and move my mouth clearly, because she 'hears' better if she can see the words.

Gold Member

I have a 110db hearing loss in my right ear & a 60db loss in my left ear.
I rely very haevily on speach reading. many people talk to me as though i am stupid thier ignorance does not bother me. What truely bothers me is when those that I know speak softly then say NEVER MIND LOUDLY rather than repeating themselves a 2nd or 3rd time. My response is usualy WELL FUCK YOU TOO

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That really annoys me too. If they can be bothered to say "Never mind" at a volume you can hear, what's wrong with saying what they wanted to at that volume in the first place? However, from experience, it's usually something uncomplimentary about someone who's within earshot, which is usually why they're speaking quietly in the first place.

The other thing that annoys me when I'm with a blind person or a deaf person who can lip read and speak, is when sighted/hearing people ignore the person and ask me, "What does he want?" The usual response to that is, "Well, why don't you ask him. He's right in front of you." Oddly enough, they tend not to appreciate their ignorance being pointed out.

Gold Member

My 16 yr old son is profoundly hearing impaired (not PC to say deaf nowadays) in his right ear due to a serious condition that almost killed him.

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A couple of years ago, one of my friends lipread a guy referring to her as hearing-impaired when talking to someone else. She yelled across the room at him, "I'm not hearing-impaired, I'm fucking deaf!"

The PC brigade have been trying to get people to say hearing-/sight-impaired, but it's not working yet - or at least not among deaf or blind people. Perhaps the brigaders are of the opinion that you talk about blind and deaf people, not to them. The consensus among my friends and the people I work with is that the PC terminology is just another way to marginalise and discriminate against deaf and blind people. Euphemisms are just another way to avoid actually talking about an issue.

I also have cholesteatoma. I started loosing hearing in my right ear at 13 the problem went undiagnossed till i was 43. I had a radical mastiodectomy 16 hours in micro surgery. leaving a hole just inside my ear canel for routine cleaning (surgery to remove growths) every 6 months. In most cases 90% or better reconstruction surgery can restore most of the hearing or the use of a BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid) or a cochlear implant. unfortunarly I am in the 10% that does without.

I have a 110db hearing loss in my right ear & a 60db loss in my left ear.
I rely very haevily on speach reading. many people talk to me as though i am stupid thier ignorance does not bother me. What truely bothers me is when those that I know speak softly then say NEVER MIND LOUDLY rather than repeating themselves a 2nd or 3rd time. My response is usualy WELL FUCK YOU TOO

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My sons surgery didnt last quite 16 hours but it did last 7 hours but sadly the first 3 times the surgery didnt quite work as his ear got infection after infection.Moving over 200 miles south he went to a different consultant and *bingo* one more surgery and he hasnt had another infection since.

Nothing can be done for my sons hearing in that ear due to the fact that the bone was eaten away completely due to the repeated infections.

The school wasnt any help either as they repeatedly ignored my protests against them putting him in a seat with his good ear to the wall.He was detained after school umpteen times for 'ignoring' the teacher

It isnt any wonder he left school age 14 and went to do a performing arts course at college where he got along famously with the staff and students there.They allowed for his hearing loss and thankfully he passed his courses,inc the music part of the course,with flying colours.

One thing though.....the amount of times people exagerated their words when speaking to him and spoke soooooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwly was amazing....it was as if he was stupid and not hearing impaired.

A couple of years ago, one of my friends lipread a guy referring to her as hearing-impaired when talking to someone else. She yelled across the room at him, "I'm not hearing-impaired, I'm fucking deaf!"

The PC brigade have been trying to get people to say hearing-/sight-impaired, but it's not working yet - or at least not among deaf or blind people. Perhaps the brigaders are of the opinion that you talk about blind and deaf people, not to them. The consensus among my friends and the people I work with is that the PC terminology is just another way to marginalise and discriminate against deaf and blind people. Euphemisms are just another way to avoid actually talking about an issue.

It's interesting to see two differing experiences of the preferences of deaf/hearing impaired people, even though you live in the same country. Is it possible that the deaf/hearing impaired community as a group prefer one thing, whilst individuals prefer another? While the Deaf community here prefer the term deaf as a group, I have no doubt there are individuals who would prefer to see hearing impaired used instead. It would be interesting to see a US viewpoint on this as well.

Tasha, it's wonderful that your son succeeded despite hopeless teachers. My sister had trouble at school as well. They consistently seated her at the back of the room, then compounded the problem by putting her with a teacher who had a really thick accent. She had enough trouble understanding people with accents she was used to. Once she was put with this teacher she could understand very little of what was said and her academic skills plummeted fast.

Actually, here the Deaf community prefer the term deaf. They in fact call themselves the Deaf community.

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My father being unable to hear anything insists on the term deaf and so do I.To say hearing impaired would indicate there is some hearing therefor the word impaired which is what Princess Tasha's son is since he has some hearing. When there is no hearing that is deafness when there is sound even muffled that to me fits the definitiion of impaired. The same for visually impaired and blind some sight even shapes makes it an impairment no sight would be blind.

It's interesting to see two differing experiences of the preferences of deaf/hearing impaired people, even though you live in the same country. Is it possible that the deaf/hearing impaired community as a group prefer one thing, whilst individuals prefer another? While the Deaf community here prefer the term deaf as a group, I have no doubt there are individuals who would prefer to see hearing impaired used instead. It would be interesting to see a US viewpoint on this as well.

Tasha, it's wonderful that your son succeeded despite hopeless teachers. My sister had trouble at school as well. They consistently seated her at the back of the room, then compounded the problem by putting her with a teacher who had a really thick accent. She had enough trouble understanding people with accents she was used to. Once she was put with this teacher she could understand very little of what was said and her academic skills plummeted fast.

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It really is but i doubt that would have happened if i hadnt have taken him out of school and got him into college where he took the performing arts course as well as the 2 core subjects which are compulsory.Even when he lost his foot (RTA) he was penalised by school teachers and told 'it served him right for not listening out for traffic').