husband troubles - 38 weeks

Different than the other Jan posts but I am feeling hurt & depressed & can't get over it - due in 2 weeks. am having a very hard time with my husband. (I am 37& he is 42) Last week I discovered that he had googled pictures of a coworker/employee& bookmarked one of them on his phone. I am not stupid so I confronted him about it& basically he admitted to jerking off to the pic. He tried to say it was no big deal but has not apologized, explained, or tried to make the situation any better. Obviously there is more to the situation, an existing attraction at least, because you don't just look up someone you are not attracted to& get off sexually. I am about to have our 3rd& last child and now that is all I can think about. I am not getting any support/concern when I could go into labor any day. I worry every time he goes to work now.I am 2 weeks away from having our baby& honestly do not even want him there. We are not speaking, because he won't talk about it& I want explanations& apologies. When I look at him I am disgusted& hurt so I do not want his support at the birth because I can't even look/think about him without getting upset. I know my hormones must be crazy but I think I would be just as upset even if I were not pregnant. Please sound in, I would love to hear other people's thoughts. Thanks.

Different than the other Jan posts but I am feeling hurt & depressed & can't get over it - due in 2 weeks. am having a very hard time with my husband. (I am 37& he is 42) Last week I discovered that he had googled pictures of a coworker/employee& bookmarked one of them on his phone. I am not stupid so I confronted him about it& basically he admitted to jerking off to the pic. He tried to say it was no big deal but has not apologized, explained, or tried to make the situation any better. Obviously there is more to the situation, an existing attraction at least, because you don't just look up someone you are not attracted to& get off sexually. I am about to have our 3rd& last child and now that is all I can think about. I am not getting any support/concern when I could go into labor any day. I worry every time he goes to work now.I am 2 weeks away from having our baby& honestly do not even want him there. We are not speaking, because he won't talk about it& I want explanations& apologies. When I look at him I am disgusted& hurt so I do not want his support at the birth because I can't even look/think about him without getting upset. I know my hormones must be crazy but I think I would be just as upset even if I were not pregnant. Please sound in, I would love to hear other people's thoughts. Thanks.

If my hubby did that I'd slit his bloody throat. Wouldn't bother me if it was a picture of somebody who is absolutely unattainable but a co worker that's wrong just wrong. I'd have his bag packed and waiting outside the front door.

If my hubby did that I'd slit his bloody throat. Wouldn't bother me if it was a picture of somebody who is absolutely unattainable but a co worker that's wrong just wrong. I'd have his bag packed and waiting outside the front door.

you have every right to be upset. because it is a difficult time I wouldn't make a snap decision or give an ultimatum, but I would tell him your actions make me question you.I don't know if I can rely on you and your support with this pregnancy and birth and beyond. I am torn up over this and I don't feel like you are trying to help me understand or feel better. this is someone you see daily and you've shut me out. i think if you are that honest and he says nothing then you tell him you would prefer your mom, sister, etc at the birth. I am so sorry you are going through this. let us know what he says if you feel up to it later. good luck.

you have every right to be upset. because it is a difficult time I wouldn't make a snap decision or give an ultimatum, but I would tell him your actions make me question you.I don't know if I can rely on you and your support with this pregnancy and birth and beyond. I am torn up over this and I don't feel like you are trying to help me understand or feel better. this is someone you see daily and you've shut me out. i think if you are that honest and he says nothing then you tell him you would prefer your mom, sister, etc at the birth. I am so sorry you are going through this. let us know what he says if you feel up to it later. good luck.

Hope you don't mind but I just read this to my husband. His response was that guys are morons and not to read too much into it. He could have just been bored and jerked off to that pic - yet have zero intentions of cheating on you or pursuing a relationship with the coworker. I guess it's similar to going to a random porn site. I would probably be upset that he looked for a pic of a coworker but, like my husband said, guys can simply be morons and have no ill intentions. If just let him know that you were upset by it and that now you will think about it everytime he goes to work. He should at least be able to assure you that there's nothing to worry about.

Hope you don't mind but I just read this to my husband. His response was that guys are morons and not to read too much into it. He could have just been bored and jerked off to that pic - yet have zero intentions of cheating on you or pursuing a relationship with the coworker. I guess it's similar to going to a random porn site. I would probably be upset that he looked for a pic of a coworker but, like my husband said, guys can simply be morons and have no ill intentions. If just let him know that you were upset by it and that now you will think about it everytime he goes to work. He should at least be able to assure you that there's nothing to worry about.

You are thinking too much into this, it's not worth the trouble. You obviously don't trust him to begin with. Men can want a lot of things, doesn't mean they get it. If this co-worker is attractive, chances are that she is nice to him and all but she more than likely has standards and doesn't get involve with men who have 3 kids already, thus he has to jerk off to her pics. If he wasn't jerking off then you have a problem sweetie. As far as an explanation, don't wait for it. Even counseling won't help you find it.FYI. I know by experience. Relax, hormones don't help at all. My husband moved out after I went on a jealousy rage for him talking to a co-worker I didn't know, had the cops called on me and everything. It wasn't easy but in less than 3 months he moved back after counseling for myself and some couples counseling. I'm due next week and the relationship is different but it works. I'm not stressing or snooping around for what I don't want to know because even if there is nothing to find your brain will make something simple look sneaky and all that.

You are thinking too much into this, it's not worth the trouble. You obviously don't trust him to begin with. Men can want a lot of things, doesn't mean they get it. If this co-worker is attractive, chances are that she is nice to him and all but she more than likely has standards and doesn't get involve with men who have 3 kids already, thus he has to jerk off to her pics. If he wasn't jerking off then you have a problem sweetie. As far as an explanation, don't wait for it. Even counseling won't help you find it.FYI. I know by experience. Relax, hormones don't help at all. My husband moved out after I went on a jealousy rage for him talking to a co-worker I didn't know, had the cops called on me and everything. It wasn't easy but in less than 3 months he moved back after counseling for myself and some couples counseling. I'm due next week and the relationship is different but it works. I'm not stressing or snooping around for what I don't want to know because even if there is nothing to find your brain will make something simple look sneaky and all that.

I disagree completely with you, pit. Jerking off to someone you know is different than crazy jealousy over talking to someone. I believe what he did can only cause emotional damage in a marriage. Mentally, he's having sex with that woman and gets to see her every day. I do believe marriage counseling is a good idea. I'm so sorry OP has to go through this :(

I disagree completely with you, pit. Jerking off to someone you know is different than crazy jealousy over talking to someone. I believe what he did can only cause emotional damage in a marriage. Mentally, he's having sex with that woman and gets to see her every day. I do believe marriage counseling is a good idea. I'm so sorry OP has to go through this :(

He has issues. Please don't think you are the cause of them. When men do horrid things like that, our tendency is to blame ourselves. It's also a shame that he did not have the fortitude to apologize. I hope he does.

He has issues. Please don't think you are the cause of them. When men do horrid things like that, our tendency is to blame ourselves. It's also a shame that he did not have the fortitude to apologize. I hope he does.

I would be hurt as well. I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say you can get through this and I'm sorry your dealing with this. My husband has not had sex with me in months but I think he takes care of himself. It hurts my feelings to think about but I also know pregnancy can be stressful for them as well. If it was a co worker I'd be crushed and very upset with him.

I would be hurt as well. I don't have any advice. Just wanted to say you can get through this and I'm sorry your dealing with this. My husband has not had sex with me in months but I think he takes care of himself. It hurts my feelings to think about but I also know pregnancy can be stressful for them as well. If it was a co worker I'd be crushed and very upset with him.

Sorry to hear this. I had a very similar issue with my first pregnancy, my husband was talking and flirting with a coworker. He even went as far as to make plans during my baby shower and tell her about a sex dream. I took of my ring and left an note giving him a choice, then went to stay with a friend. Hang in there and explain how much it hurts you.

Sorry to hear this. I had a very similar issue with my first pregnancy, my husband was talking and flirting with a coworker. He even went as far as to make plans during my baby shower and tell her about a sex dream. I took of my ring and left an note giving him a choice, then went to stay with a friend. Hang in there and explain how much it hurts you.

Write him a letter explaining how much this hurts you and tell your feelings. Sometimes when they see it in paper it makes a big difference. And don't be there when he reads it so you can't argue.. Good luck hun!

Write him a letter explaining how much this hurts you and tell your feelings. Sometimes when they see it in paper it makes a big difference. And don't be there when he reads it so you can't argue.. Good luck hun!

I feel horrible that you are going through this at such an exciting time. I would be just as upset, as pp said, the fact that he sees her every day at work makes it so much worse. Hopefully he comes around and realizes how rude and insensitive he's being. Good luck and stay strong and positive.

I feel horrible that you are going through this at such an exciting time. I would be just as upset, as pp said, the fact that he sees her every day at work makes it so much worse. Hopefully he comes around and realizes how rude and insensitive he's being. Good luck and stay strong and positive.

I have to agree that it is different when it's someone you know. I am very understanding that DH is a man- well human really- and will have sexual thoughts about other people. I get that he may snoop around sites and such, fine. Whatever. But it is unacceptable and unhealthy IMO to search for and bookmark a picture of someone you know and see everyday for the sole purpose of jerking off to it. Dear god if I was that insanely attracted to someone at work that I was tempted to masturbate to their photos behind DH's back I would probably block them on social networking sites just to avoid furthering the infatuation. Looking up pics of her kinda makes it seem like he doesn't recognize that it's an unhealthy level of a crush that he probably ought to not feed into. I mean, I could even get a hot waitress or cashier that you see occasionally but a flipping coworker? Hey hun it's no big deal that I jerk off to pics of a woman I spend almost as much time with as you gosh let it go. Pft. Hell no. I am so sorry that is super ****ty. :/

I have to agree that it is different when it's someone you know. I am very understanding that DH is a man- well human really- and will have sexual thoughts about other people. I get that he may snoop around sites and such, fine. Whatever. But it is unacceptable and unhealthy IMO to search for and bookmark a picture of someone you know and see everyday for the sole purpose of jerking off to it. Dear god if I was that insanely attracted to someone at work that I was tempted to masturbate to their photos behind DH's back I would probably block them on social networking sites just to avoid furthering the infatuation. Looking up pics of her kinda makes it seem like he doesn't recognize that it's an unhealthy level of a crush that he probably ought to not feed into. I mean, I could even get a hot waitress or cashier that you see occasionally but a flipping coworker? Hey hun it's no big deal that I jerk off to pics of a woman I spend almost as much time with as you gosh let it go. Pft. Hell no. I am so sorry that is super ****ty. :/

I was in a four year relationship with a douche bag who did stuff like that. its just as bad as cheating. men who are loyal and faithful shouldnt even want anyone else in that way. and to be married... I'm really sorry ): in my case, it only escalated from there and turned to cheating. so glad I'm out of there and married to my husband I am now. I hope this doesn't happen to you and that it can be worked out ): it is a big deal and he needs to apologize.

I was in a four year relationship with a douche bag who did stuff like that. its just as bad as cheating. men who are loyal and faithful shouldnt even want anyone else in that way. and to be married... I'm really sorry ): in my case, it only escalated from there and turned to cheating. so glad I'm out of there and married to my husband I am now. I hope this doesn't happen to you and that it can be worked out ): it is a big deal and he needs to apologize.

Wow... So sorry you are dealing with this :( you have EVERY right to be angry with him... Fantasizing about any other woman but you is cheating. He owes you a serious apology... I understand men are men and do have these thoughts, but just because he didn't physically cheat does not make mentally cheating ok... So sorry... Hope you guys are able to talk this out so you are able to focus on LO and delivery :(

Wow... So sorry you are dealing with this :( you have EVERY right to be angry with him... Fantasizing about any other woman but you is cheating. He owes you a serious apology... I understand men are men and do have these thoughts, but just because he didn't physically cheat does not make mentally cheating ok... So sorry... Hope you guys are able to talk this out so you are able to focus on LO and delivery :(

For those saying this isn't a big deal, that is so wrong. And pregnancy hormones have nothing to do with it. I read this to my husband and he was absolutely shocked that someone would say this was ok. You need to find a way to communicate with your husband and find out what's going on. There's no logical reason for your DH to be jerking off to a pic of his co-worker unless he was having an affair or wanting one. Jmo but something isn't right. :( GL.

For those saying this isn't a big deal, that is so wrong. And pregnancy hormones have nothing to do with it. I read this to my husband and he was absolutely shocked that someone would say this was ok. You need to find a way to communicate with your husband and find out what's going on. There's no logical reason for your DH to be jerking off to a pic of his co-worker unless he was having an affair or wanting one. Jmo but something isn't right. :( GL.

Ugh, sometimes men are so selfish and stupid! Gerrr. I feel like you are giving him the ultimate gift. You've put your body, your mind and yourself on hold for your family and he's jerking off to pics of coworkers. A$$hole, sorry, but in my opinion that is so selfish of him. My man did something similarly selfish and spent over 190k acting like a rockstar this year because this is our first baby and he "was scared". I too am having a hard time forgiving his actions as he obviously had no consideration for me when he was blowing our savings on toys for he and his boys (grown men). ANYway, that's my garbage. What I'm trying to say is I understand where you are coming from. I'd like an apology. Id like to hear "I'm so stupid, I made a mistake, I'm so sorry, it won't happen again". But his pride is in the way and he is not putting our family first. It's hard because I want to trust him, as I'm sure you want to trust your husband, but I'm very resentful he could disregard our family and put himself first. I'm so sorry I'm not of any help and just biotching in agreement with you that men make hurtful mistakes. I honest to goodness hope your husband makes this up to you and makes you feel like the prettiest girl in the room. You deserve it.

Ugh, sometimes men are so selfish and stupid! Gerrr. I feel like you are giving him the ultimate gift. You've put your body, your mind and yourself on hold for your family and he's jerking off to pics of coworkers. A$$hole, sorry, but in my opinion that is so selfish of him. My man did something similarly selfish and spent over 190k acting like a rockstar this year because this is our first baby and he "was scared". I too am having a hard time forgiving his actions as he obviously had no consideration for me when he was blowing our savings on toys for he and his boys (grown men). ANYway, that's my garbage. What I'm trying to say is I understand where you are coming from. I'd like an apology. Id like to hear "I'm so stupid, I made a mistake, I'm so sorry, it won't happen again". But his pride is in the way and he is not putting our family first. It's hard because I want to trust him, as I'm sure you want to trust your husband, but I'm very resentful he could disregard our family and put himself first. I'm so sorry I'm not of any help and just biotching in agreement with you that men make hurtful mistakes. I honest to goodness hope your husband makes this up to you and makes you feel like the prettiest girl in the room. You deserve it.

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