It's that special time of year where we have holiday parties to attend. Before you collapse into a drunken pile of hair and shoes and whiskey smell after singing Boyz II Men with coworkers until the wee hours of the morning, you have to actually make conversation. Chat up the boss's wife! Thank the CEO for employing you another year!

But what, pray tell, do you even talk about? It's so easy to give into temptation and start texting or tweeting. Don't do that. Just talk about any of these things instead:

1) Christmas travel plans

2) Why in-flight Wi-fi sucks so much

3) Books you're reading

4) The Boeing 747

5) The invention of the steam engine

6) The evolution of ship design

7) Why you'll never go on a cruise

8) The sinking of the Titanic

9) That time you caught bird flu

10) That time you went to Brazil

11) That time you went to Tijuana

12) Weird tattoos

13) Is there such thing as too high a threadcount on bedsheets?

14) Gmail

15) Hip hop producer drops

16) The debt ceiling

17) Benjamin Franklin

18) Why powdered wigs went out of vogue

19) Circumstances that might bring them back

20) Leather daddies

21) Why people refer to assless chaps when no chaps have asses in the first place

22) Cowboys

23) The American West

24) Manifest Destiny

25) The Gold Rush

26) Goldmember

27) Goldfinger

28) That Bond girl who supposedly died after being painted gold

29) Urban legends

30) Dumb & Dumber 2

31) Movies you look forward to in 2014

32) Awards show season

33) Ryan Seacrest's hair

34) Why Carson Daly is still famous

35) White boy dreds and why we still accept them

36) Why most jeans rip in the crotch

37) Where in the city to get cheap alterations

38) Yelpers

39) Glam Rock

40) Plane crashes

41) Your most embarrassing moment

42) Past arrests

43) Why Spotify makes it hard to find the songs with curse words

44) Time's Person of the Year and how Rob Ford was robbed

45) Cool YouTube videos

46) How that "What does the Fox Say" video wasn't funny and people should shut up about it.

47) Doge

48) Uncle Buck

49) John Candy's untimely death

50) John Belushi's untimely death

51) Marxism

52) Where to get a good taco

53) Pocket breathalyzers

54) Risk behaviors and which ones are your favorites

55) The proper pronunciation of GIF being GIF

56) That guy that survived being eaten by a Rhino

57) The Elvis impersonator who mailed ricin to the president

58) The conclusion of Breaking Bad

59) Miley Cyrus

60) Craps

61) Gambling

62) Holiday lights

63) The new Corvette

64) Your experiences at summer camp

65) The selfie as art

66) Art Basel

67) Miami: worst place on earth?

68) RapGenius

69) How many times you've smashed your iPhone screen

70) Facebook's IPO

71) Mark Zuckerberg's fashion choices

72) Mark Zuckerberg

73) Snapchat

74) Instagram direct

75) The best Instagram filter to make you look less fat

76) The year in dick pics

77) Anthony weiner

78) Brett favre

79) Rob Ford

80) How Rob Ford is still mayor of Toronto

81) What Rob Ford ate for dinner today

82) What tie Rob Ford is wearing right now

83) How Rob Ford is the most anti-Canadian Canadian ever

84) Canadian Independence

85) Maple Syrup

86) Commonwealths

87) Australia: does it suck or not?

88) Drake's dad's Instagram account

89) Dads

90) The weather

91) The proliferation of Waffle House in the American Southeast

92) How Waffle House is superior to IHOP

93) Competitive hopscotch

94) Double Dutch

95) Frogs

96) Space Frog

97) The band Spacehog and its 1996 hit "In the Meantime"

99) The year 1996

100) Your high school prom date

101) Y2K

102) YKK

103) The rapper YG

104) Zippers

105) Zipper manufacturers

106) Bangladesh

107) Natural disasters

108) Your outfit choice for the evening

109) Local food

110) Kyle Wagner's outfit choice for the evening

111) Family heirlooms

112) Strange addictions

113) 9/11 theories

114) Global warming

115) The TV Show Alf

116) How Alf ate cats

117) Literally, cats

118) Whether Harry and the Hendersons was superior to Alf

119) Turner and Hooch

120) Tom Hanks' hair

121) Tom Hanks' facial hair

122) Tom Hanks versus a bear

123) The shutdown of the Space Shuttle program

124) The movie Gravity

125) Bears

126) Bears playing tetherball

127) Bears playing basketball

128) Kanye West

129) The artistic merits of the Yeezus tour

130) The return of Kanye West's fish sticks character on South Park

131) Manti Teo

133) The 1990s-era Dallas Cowboys

134) Jerry Jones

135) Plastic surgery

136) Types of wine

137) Sushi

138) Feminism

139) Betty Friedan's Feminine Mystique

140) All the books you didn't actually read in college

141) How most people lie when they say they've read Infinite Jest

142) Beyonce's new secret album

143) Beyonce's inevitable presidential run

144) Beyonce's month of veganism

145) Veganism: why?

146) Crossfit: why?

147) The Paleo Diet: Why?

148) Train etiquette

149) Concerts you attended this year

150) Ultrabooks

151) 3D printing

152) The world's largest pizza

153) Irrational fears

154) Cities you haven't visited

155) Why they should bring back the Concorde

156) The cost of fuel

157) Future and Ciara's engagement

158) Blood diamonds

159) Leonardo DiCaprio: why is he always squinting?

160) Gucci iPad cases

161) Clown cars

162) How you took a semester of French your sophomore year of college for some reason

163) The SEC Championship game

164) Navajo code talkers

165) The BCS bowl picks

166) Hitler

167) Favorite holidays

168) The end of the Auburn/Alabama game

169) What the hell is a War Eagle anyway?

170) The ridiculousness of NCAA recruiting

171) Your New Years Resolutions

172) Joint resolutions

173) Secession

174) The inevitable return of a McRib

175) The Hunger Games

176) Twerking

177) Da dip

178) Rick James

179) Dave Chapelle as Rick James

180) The merits of David LaChapelle as a choreographer

181) Sensitivity training

182) The best game of tag you ever played

183) Anchorman 2: why?

184) Sequels: why?

185) Why you're *over* will ferrell

186) The run in your hose

187) Gardening

188) Your hobbies

189) The best episode of Seinfeld

190) Electric cars

191) Steve Wozniak

192) Trinidad James

193) Jamaican dance hall queens

194) Spring Breakers

195) The Maury Povich Show

196) Yahoo!'s purchase of Tumblr

197) David Karp's drones

198) Celebrities that look like potatoes

199) Root vegetables

200) Urban farming

201) 1997 Oscar nominees

202) The Illuminati and why it's real

203) Record labels

204) Carl Jung

205) Your recurring dreams

206) Zombies

207) Why you think mid-90s SNL was the best era of SNL

208) Mistletoe

209) Toe rings

210) Public swimming pools as a breeding ground for disease

211) Will SARs come back

212) Cures for cancer

213) Cures for hangovers

214) Old wives' tales

215) Tall Tales

216) Jim Bowie

217) David Bowie

218) Bowie knives

219) Bows hunting

220) Duck hunting

221) Rollercoasters

222) The Sims

223) Sim City

224) Your first computer

225) Your first love

226) OJ Simpson

227) Colored contacts

228) The best SPF

229) Tom Brokaw

230) Brokeback Mountain

231) The difference between a bowler hat and a pork pie hat

232) Porky's

233) Weekend at Bernie's

234) The truffle shuffle

235) Childhood memories of fear

236) How many times you've been in love

237) Agoraphobia

238) Your favorite flavor of ice cream

239) Interoffice relationships

240) Your parents

241) Why you have a real Christmas tree and not a fake one

242) Douglas Firs

243) Frasier Firs

244) Balsam Firs

245) Christmas tree farms

246) Christmas tree stands

247) Plastics making things possible

248) Accidental inventions

249) Post-it notes

250) Craft beer

251) Craft whiskey

252) Crafts

253) Basketball season

254) Tom Ford

255) Jay-Z

256) Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

257) Opinions on gluten

258) Cat videos

259) What does a Pantone taste like

260) Gaddafi's hat

261) Famous hats in history

262) Why the liquor store by your house recently turned into a haberdasher

263) The word haberdasher and its etymology

263) The legalization of marijuana in Colorado

264) Medicinal marijuana

265) Countries where it's okay not to tip

266) Reality TV

267) Why it's a shame the third season of Teen Mom was cancelled

268) But why the second season is more popular

269) Flavor of Love: where are they now?

270) Flava Flav: where is he now

271) Beyonce, again

273) Rob Ford, again

274) What you think Lil Jon is doing right this second

275) What you think Fat Joe is doing right this second

276) What you think Twista is doing right this second

277) Usher's appearance on sesame street to sing the alphabet

278) Songs that prominently feature the word yeah, including Yeah!

279) Bee keeping as a hobby

280) Jerry Seinfeld's role in Bee Movie

281) Bea Arthur

282) Chester Arthur

283) Arthur Miller

284) Arthur Ashe

285) Tennis

286) Blackjack

287) Stock photography

288) Childhood trauma

289) Fruit baskets

290) How Edible Arrangements are a nice way of saying you dislike someone

291) The proper way to fold a hospital corner

292) Ghosts: do they exist?

293) Teapartiers

294) Bro coders

295) Fraternity parties

296) John Waters

297) Famous character actors

298) Sporks

299) Hare Krishnas

300) The prophet Muhammad

301) Domesticated foxes

302) What a holllaback girl is

303) Will Outkast reunite?

304) Hostile takeovers

305) Wolf Blitzer

306) Sick burns

307) The Treaty of Paris 1763

308) The Treaty of Paris 1783

309) Common household cleaning products

310) The First Continental Congress

311) The Second Continental Congress

312) The Berlin Conference

313) The fall of the Iron Curtain

314) Britney Spears' Las Vegas residency

315) Musical theater

316) Goddard

317) Waiting to Exhale

318) Who in the office you would want to keep around in a post-apocalyptic society