My Beloved Wife, You Are The Reward For Everything I Did Right In My Life....My Beloved Wife, I've Crossed Oceans Of Time To Find You....My Beloved Wife, You Have A Lyrical Soul, You Can Love Under The Best And Worst Condition....My Beloved Wife, I Want To Be The Most Beautiful Dream In Your Sleep. Isteriku Tercinta, Aku Ingin Menjadi Mimpi Indah Dalam Tidurmu....Isteriku Tercinta, Inilah WASIATKU: Apabila Ku Mati Kebumikanlah Jenazahku Di Kelantan Karena Ku Ingin Senantiasa "Dekat" Denganmu....

In 1994, nearly 23 years ago, I (Khairul Hisham Hassan) graduated from The University of Sheffield in the UK with a Bachelor of Laws degree or LLB. And one of my core subjects was International Law.Hence,together with my 3 Jakarta friends who come from Indonesian legal background and who graduated 15 years ago from Fakultas Hukum of Universitas Trisakti in Jakarta, I have set-up an international consulting firm in Jakarta which provides 'Consultancy on Doing Business in Jakarta' comprehensive services. Currently, most of our clients are Malaysian companies and factories which set-up their PT PMA branch company or Representative Office in Jakarta. These companies were referred to us by Matrade in Jakarta which is part of the Embassy of Malaysia in Jakarta. Having said that, at the end of the day it is purely and entirely up to those Malaysian investors to select or appoint any consulting firm or legal advisor of their own choice for their "Doing Business in Jakarta" matters.

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January 2015 photo of my 2nd DAUGHTER (Not my wife) i.e Intan Nur Qistina Khairul Hisham (Left) with my 4th kid, Mehmed Al Fateh Khairul Hisham (Right). Intan Nur Qistina is 20 years old now. She is now studying at University of Malaya (UM) after completing her SPM at an Islamic boarding school in Kelantan while Mehmed Al Fateh in this photo was 4 months old newborn son. Now Mehmed Al Fateh is a two years old active 'young man'

THIS IS MY LIFE PRINCIPLE (KHAIRUL HISHAM HASSAN)(A 47 YEARS OLD REAL MUSLIM FUNDAMENTALIST)(i.e PROGRESSIVE, HONEST, HARDWORKING AND ROMANTIC MUSLIM)

As a Muslim I believe that the day will DEFINITELY come when my helpless dead body or jenazah finally will be carried away to the grave. As a Muslim I also believe that the day will DEFINITELY come when I will be in my Liang Lahad alone, dealing with Malaikat Munkar & Nakir. And that will be the day when anything else does not matter anymore except my good deeds, my amalan and my amal jariah that I have done when I am still alive. At the end of the day it does not matter anymore whether or not while we are living on this Planet Earth we have a big business empire or a beautiful wife or a big house or a big car or a high position in a big company etc. Does not matter anymore, my friend. Does not matter.

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On 28 January 2017 my age will be 47 years old. By the way, my eldest daughter is now 22 years old. She is currently studying at International Islamic University (UIA) Malaysia. My second daughter is 20 years old and she is now studying at University of Malaya. And my third child is a 13 years old son. He is now studying to be a hafiz at Pondok Moden Saadah Addaarain. Alhamdulillah after a gap of 10 years, my wife who was 44 years old at that time delivered our fourth child on 24 September 2014 (Photo Above). Well...I do not call myself 'The Descendant of Majapahit Palace Warrior' for nothing, right...? :-) Syukur Alhamdulillah my wife has a smooth and safe delivery. Actually I have told my wife that if our newborn child is a baby girl I will name her 'Intan Nur Iriana'. The meaning of Iriana in Greek is 'peace'. Iriana is also the name of the wife of new Indonesian President Joko Widodo. However, it is our destiny to have another son, not daughter. Hence, I name my newborn son 'Mehmed Al Fateh Bin Khairul Hisham'. Sultan Mehmed Al Fateh is the Muslim Chalip whom at the age of 21 conquered Constantinople which is the modern-day Istanbul. He also brought Islam to Bosnia, Albania and Southern Europe. It is said that Sultan Mehmed Al Fateh has never failed to perform Solat Tahajjud every single night throughout his life from the age of puberty (akil baligh) until the day he died on 3rd of May 1481. It is my wish and also my wife's wish that our son, Mehmed Al Fateh Khairul Hisham will be a brave and pious Muslim like Sultan Mehmed Al Fateh and will never fail to perform Solat Tahajjud each and every night. Amin Ya Allah.

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These are my two beloved daughters: (Left) Intan Nur Farhana Khairul Hisham. She is my 22 years old eldest child. She is the one who is now studying at International Islamic University (UIA) Malaysia. (Right) Intan Nur Qistina Khairul Hisham. She is my 20 years old second daughter. She is now studying at University of Malaya (UM). Yes, both are my lovely princesses! Or shall I say my Javanese and Kelantanese princesses because I am a Javanese warrior and their mother is a Kelantanese lady! I have 4 kids. Apart from two daughters, I also have two sons. Their name are Mahathir Khatami Khairul Hisham who is now 13 years old who is now studying to be a hafiz at Pondok Moden Saadah Addaarain and Mehmed Al Fateh Khairul Hisham who was born 15 months ago on 23 September 2014.

The above photo was taken by my wife near our rented house when both of us lived in Sheffield, north of England 24 years ago. I publish this photo here in my blog just to share my sweet memory with my dear blog readers only. Not to show-off whatsoever. That time I was doing my law degree at The University of Sheffield. It's Winter 1993. Being newly married I just wanted to impress my wife with some steps of my Pencak Silat during the snowfall. Maybe, just maybe, I was the first Malaysian man to perform Pencak Silat (an Indonesian and Malaysian martial art) during heavy snowfall in Sheffield. Well...I do not think Hang Jebat or Hang Tuah dares to perform Pencak Silat during -5 degree Celsius snowfall just by wearing their thin Baju Melayu. Yes, no doubt that Hang Jebat was a brave and hot-tempered man. Yes, he was also the only Malay who was not afraid to tell the cruel Sultan of Malacca more than 500 years ago: "Wahai Sultan Yang Zalim, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry". But I am sure this -5 Celsius degree snowfall will melt whatever spirit left in this great 'Incredible Hulk of Ancient Malacca Kingdom' who loved to run amok here and run amok there.

And...what about Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat? (For your information, Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat was a Majapahit Palace Warrior who failed to assassinate Hang Tuah. He was also a hot-tempered Majapahit Prince with a significant high blood pressure problem who could not accept any slightest criticism on his style of leadership. His sister by the name of 'Gusti Putri Retno Dumillah' eventually became the legendary 'Puteri Gunung Ledang'. Legend has it that even after 500 years, Gusti Putri Retno Dumillah is still residing at Gunung Ledang in Malaysia although the Malaysian Immigration Department has never granted her any Expatriate Visa, Permanent Residency or even Spouse Visa). I guess Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat would easily win 'Mr Bean Of The Year Award' if he did perform his Pencak Silat here in Sheffield just by wearing his traditional shirtless Majapahit warrior's costume. But one thing for sure..., no matter how sakti this Gusti Adipati Handaya Ningrat was, the -5 degree Celsius temperature would make him shivering non-stop to the extent that the English people would think this shirtless Majapahit Palace Warrior was high on drugs or narkoba while performing his Javanese Pencak Silat!

Who's that guy in the above photo snapped by my wife during Winter 1993 when we lived in Sheffield? Is he Dicky Zulkarnaen The Indonesian Famous Actor? Wrong. Is he Si Pitung Macan Betawi? Nope. He is just 'Si Khairul Kucing Malaysia'! A blast from the past. Look at the background of the photo. Oh! I love living in England. For me, the Victorian style houses in England make it so picturesque. It's a romantic place to live especially in the northern part of England like Sheffield which is near the lake districts. That Winter 1993 was the most memorable winter because I just married in that year. So that Winter 1993 was the first Winter that I had a halal companion sleeping next to me, as husband and wife during long cold night. My wife said I was her 'Natural Winter Heater' that kept her warm and comfortable throughout very cold -5 degree Celsius Winter night.

PHOTO: THESE BAMBOO TREES FORM A MIND-SOOTHING PANORAMIC VIEW AT THE ENTRANCE OF THE PONDOK PESANTREN AT DESA KERTARAHAYU. I SPEND EVERY WEEKEND AT THIS PONDOK PESANTREN; LEARNING TAFSIR AL QURAN, CONDUCTING MY FREE ENGLISH CLASS TO 'SANTRI & SANTRIWATI' AND MAKING A CONTINUOUS EFFORT TO BE A HAFIZ AL QURAN BEFORE I DIE. AMEN YA ALLAH...

No doubt I love every single minute running my own consultancy business from Monday to Friday at my Jakarta office located not far from the Embassy of Malaysia. BUT for me, the most beautiful thing about living in Jakarta is being able to spend my time every weekend at a Pondok Pesantren Tahfiz Al Quran at Desa Kertarahayu in Kecamatan Setu. This Islamic traditional learning place is located at a panoramic remote village which is a two-hour drive from Jakarta. This is my Paradise. This is my 'Heaven on Earth'. The Pondok Pesantren is located in the middle of a green aromatic ginger and sesame farm, surrounded by paddy fields and green hills. During my weekend stay at this Pondok Pesantren, I diligently learn in-depth about Tajwid and Tafsir AlQuran directly from a charismatic ulama by the name of Pak Kiyai Sarno who is very religious and very well-versed inIlmu Fiqih, Tafsir Al Quran and Ilmu Hadith. Every single of his explanation is substantiated by the relevant verses in Al Quran and Hadith Sahih.

PHOTO: THREE BEAUTIFUL MUSLIMAH AND HAFIZAH OF PONDOK PESANTREN AT DESA KERTARAHAYU WHO WON THE “MUSABAQAH TAHFIZ AL QURAN SE-JABODETABEK" RECENTLY. THEY ARE ISTIQOMAH IRSYADIAH (LEFT) AND AMATULLAH ASSAATIRAH (YOUNGEST DAUGHTER OF PAK KIYAI SARNO)

Pak Kiyai Sarno is a Hafiz who has memorized 30 Juz of Al Quran and could recite the Al Quran verses from memory. His wife (Ibu Rachmah Julaeha) is also a Hafizah. And the 3 sons of Pak Kiyai Sarno are Hafiz Al Quran too. They are Mas Salahuddin, Mas Muhammad Al Fateh and Mas Mujahid. By the way, Mas Salahuddin and Mas Muhammad Al Fateh are now studying at Al Azhar in Egypt while Mas Mujahid is assisting Pak Kiyai Sarno to run his Pondok Pesantren. But Pak Kiyai Sarno plans to send Mas Mujahid to further his study in Sudan in 3 years time. Pak Kiyai Sarno's 10 years old beautiful youngest daughter (Amatullah Assaatirah) so far has managed to memorize 10 Juz of Al Quran.

Actually this is not so much about how many verses, chapters or Juz of Al Quran that a Muslim has managed to memorize. Having said that, it is indeed a proven fact that in order to succesfully memorize all 6,666 verses or 30 Juz of Al Quran, a Hafiz needs to observe his behaviour, akhlak and ibadah strictly based on Islamic rules and regulations. They must also lower their gaze. It is extremely unlikely that a person can eventually be a Hafiz or Hafizah if he or she is not humble. And for a Hafiz or Hafizah, patience is definitely a virtue. They also need to ensure that they do not use their mouth to talk bad about others or insult other human-beings or cause hatred among human-beings. These underlying principles which actually have shaped a Hafiz or Hafizah's behaviour or akhlak to be a very well behaved human-being or 'manusia berakhlak mulia' that makes our Planet Earth a better place to live. Since they have to put in practice in their daily life all the life principles outlined in the Al Quran verses that they have memorized, they ultimately become 'Al Quran Bergerak' or 'The Moving Al Quran'.

PHOTO:THIS IS THE VILLAGE ROAD OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER WALL OF THE PONDOK PESANTREN. FOR ME, THIS IS THE ROAD TO MY 'HEAVEN ON EARTH'. FRIDAY EVENING IS MY BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK BECAUSE EVERY FRIDAY EVENING I WILL TRAVEL TO DESA KERTARAHAYU TO SPEND MY WEEKEND AT THE PONDOK PESANTREN. FROM MY OFFICE, IT TAKES ABOUT 2 OR 3 HOURS TO REACH THERE. I CAN'T DESCRIBE TO YOU THE NATURAL SENSE OF HAPPINESS IN MY HEART WHEN I SEE THE ENTRANCE GATE OF THE PONDOK PESANTREN, THE PADDY-FIELDS NEARBY AND ALSO THE VERY MOMENT I SEE HIJAB-CLAD MUSLIMAH STROLLING AROUND THE PONDOK PESANTREN AREA. AND USUALLY 10 TO 15 MINUTES AFTER I HAVE ARRIVED AT THE PONDOK, THE MUSLIMAH OR HAFIZAH WILL SERVE ME DELICIOUS INDONESIAN VILLAGE DISHES. OH DEAR! I LOVE THE 'SUASANA AL QURAN' AT THIS PONDOK. I LOVE THE HEAVENLY BEHAVIOUR OF THE PEOPLE AT THIS PONDOK. I LOVE THE VILLAGE FOOD SERVED TO ME AT THIS PONDOK. WHAT CAN I SAY...I SIMPLY FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS PONDOK PESANTREN!

The truth is I am a 47 years old man. So, I asked Pak Kiyai Sarno whether it is too old for me to start memorizing all 30 Juz of Al Quran, slowly but surely, during my weekend stay at this Pondok Pesantren and Insya-Allah eventually become a Hafiz Al Quran. Pak Kiyai Sarno answered that no, it is not too old because he has seen a 50 years old man successfully memorizing the whole 30 Juz of Al Quran and became a Hafiz at that later stage of his life. This true story really inspires me. Yes, Monday to Friday I am an International Law Consultant who run my own consultancy business at the heart of Jakarta City Centre but that does not stop me to start learning to become a Hafiz Al Quran during my weekend rendezvous at this Pondok Pesantren. I told Pak Kiyai Sarno that no matter how challenging it will be and no matter how long it will take to become a Hafiz Al Quran, I will persevere and I will istiqomah because I want to die not just as a businessman. In fact I want to die as a Hafiz Al Quran. Yes, I do. This is despite the fact that I come from British law education background and not from Islamic studies background. Indeed this is my new personal ambition. Amen Ya Allah... By the way, to read the 12 benefits and prerogatives of being a Hafiz Al Quran please scroll your mouse to the bottom left of my blog. Each prerogative is supported by the relevant Hadith and verses from Al Quran.

PHOTO:THE MUSLIMAH AND HAFIZAH OF PONDOK PESANTREN ARE IN THE MIDST OF PERFORMING MURAJA’AH OF THE VERSES OF AL QURAN. THESE KIND-HEARTED MUSLIMAHS ARE BEAUTIFUL, SOFT-SPOKEN, POLITE, RELIGIOUS, OBEDIENT AND NO DOUBT THEY ARE SMART

Each timeI am at this Pondok Pesantren, the Muslimahs ('Hafizah' or future 'Hafizah') who are learning Islam at this Pondok Pesantren would happily serve and cook for me very delicious Indonesian village dishes for my breakfast, lunch and dinner. These kind-hearted Muslimahs are beautiful, very soft-spoken, very polite, religious, obedient and no doubt they are very smart (what can I say, they memorize 30 chapters of Al Quran). These virgins have the discipline of performing Solat Tahajjud and Solat-Solat Malam every night. For me, it is an honour and a privilege to conduct my free English Class to them every Saturday and Sunday during my weekend rendezvous at this Pondok Pesantren, learning Tajwid and Tafsir Al Quran from their Guru (Pak Kiyai Sarno). And I must confess that by looking at their mind-soothing face alone is enough to make the work stress of my consultancy business in the heart of Jakarta City Centre from Monday to Friday simply gone with the wind. Oh dear...no kidding. And I am very sure this such a soft-spoken Pondok Pesantren lady can definitely make even an extremely violent man like Mike Tyson or Incredible Hulk purrs like a kitten. Yes, you hear me right, purrs like a kitten...

JUST MY SPECIAL NOTE:The purpose I disclose that I am now conducting free English class during my weekend stay at Pondok Pesantren is NOT to show-off or menunjuk-nunjuk. On the other hand, my ONLY purpose is I hope by sharing this story I can inspire all my other friends wherever they are, who have certain skills and specialization to infaq (donate) their skills for the benefit of others by giving their free services or free class during their weekend or free time. Pak Kiyai Sarno has taught me that infaq does not necessarily in the form of money or tangible assets only. Well...besides spending our weekend at Wet World, Taman Negara, Zoo Negara, Pantai Seri Tujuh, Genting Highland, shopping mall, restaurant or other entertainment centre, wouldn't it good if we can also do something and infaq our skills for the benefit of other human-beings during our weekend, right? Wrong? Of course 'right' lah, right...

PHOTO: IN FRONT OF THE 'KAMAR TAMU' ALLOCATED BY PAK KIYAI SARNO FOR ME AND MY KELANTANESE WIFE TO PUT UP DURING MY WEEKEND STAY AT THE PONDOK PESANTREN

Pak Kiyai Sarno has also allocated a comfortable Guest Room for me and my Kelantanese wife to put up during our weekend stay. What a romantic night at this Pondok Pesantren with extremely mind-soothing night breeze blowing from the nearby mountain and paddy fields. I always have a 'feel-good' feeling whenever I am at this Pondok Pesantren. It reminds me of the same feeling during the honeymoon time with my wife when we were newly married 20 years ago in 1993. At that time both of us were nothing but just a 23 and 22 years old young innocent couple who married at such a young age to get Keredhaan Allah. And what a feeling to have my bath here using very clean natural mountain ground water from the well. Oh Mammamia! Mammamia!

JUST KIDDING: But please do not have any slightest imagination of a gagah-perkasa man like me having a romantic private bath or bermandi-manda with a beautiful virgin Muslimah or Hafizah during my weekend rendezvous here. Sheesh...Tak elok tu.

PHOTO: THIS PONDOK PESANTREN IS LOCATED IN THE MIDDLE OF A GREEN SESAME FARM, SURROUNDED BY GREEN PADDY-FIELDS AND GREEN MOUNTAIN. INDEED IT’S MY GREEN PARADISE!

Furthermore, I can't find any word in any dictionary ever published on this Planet Earth to describe my happiness performing Solat Tahajjud and Solat-Solat Malam together with these 'santri-santri' each night when I am staying at this Pondok Pesantren. And what a satisfaction to conduct free English lesson class for themevery weekend at this Pondok Pesantren.The unique thing about this Pondok Pesantren is apart from Islamic studies, this Pondok Pesantren also teaches 'modern' subjectssuch as English Language, Mathematics and Computer Skills because for their school-age 'santri'they also sit for Indonesian Ujian Nasional which issimilar to SPM Exams in Malaysia or O-Level Exams in the UK.

PHOTO: PADDY-FIELDS AROUND THE PONDOK PESANTREN MAKE THE VIEW HERE VERY PICTURESQUE ESPECIALLY DURING SUNRISE AND SUNSET. INDEED THIS IS MY ‘HEAVEN ON EARTH’

Perhaps it's worth mentioning that it's my dream and also my wife's dream to spend most of our post-retirement time later in a Pondok Pesantren like this which is located in a beautiful Indonesian village surrounded by green hills. We also plan to contribute something to the Pondok Pesantren in term of our skills. I plan to continue teaching these 'anak-anak Pondok Pesantren' English Language and my wife can teach them Computer Skills. By spending our time at Pondok Pesantren, my wife and I plan to learn more about Tafsir Al Quran from the Pak Kiyai. It's also our dream to have the discipline to perform Solat-Solat Malam and Solat Tahajud each and every night together, as a husband and wife, at the Pondok Pesantren. And during day time we will enjoy doing some farming over here. No doubt, it is Heaven on Earth in whatever way both of us see it. Indeed it is.

PHOTO: THIS IS THE ACCOMMODATION BUILDING FOR THE MUSLIMAH AND HAFIZAH OF THIS PONDOK PESANTREN. THE SECOND AND THIRD FLOOR ARE STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION. PRAISE TO ALLAH, ALHAMDULLILAH I HAVE MANAGED TO GET MANY OF MY MALAYSAN FRIENDS TO TRANSFER MONEY TO THE PONDOK PESANTREN AS THEIR ‘INFAQ AMAL JARIYAH’. PAK KIYAI SARNO HAS TAUGHT ME THAT IN SURAH AL BAQARAH (VERSE 261) ALLAH HAS PROMISED THAT FOR EVERY 1 THING YOU INFAQ, ALLAH WILL MULTIPLY IT AND GIVE YOU BACK 700 TIMES. INDEED. ALLAH WILL NEVER BREACH HIS PROMISE. NEVER. NEVER. EVER.

PHOTO:THIS IS THE PONDOK PESANTREN MOSQUE WHICH IS USED AS THE CENTRE OF ACTIVITIES. I CONDUCT MY ENGLISH CLASS DURING MY WEEKEND HERE INSIDE THIS MOSQUE. AND EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT I HAPPILY WATCH ISLAMIC FILM INSIDE THIS MOSQUE BY USING PROJECTOR AND PORTABLE WHITE SCREEN TOGETHER WITH ALL THE HAFIZ AND HAFIZAH. WHO SAYS IN ISLAM WE CANNOT 'MENONTON WAYANG'? OF COURSE WE CAN. BUT WE MUST OBSERVE THE SYARIAH GUIDELINES. NO PROBLEM AT ALL. I CAN SEE THEY ENJOY 'NOBAR' AND THEIR WEEKLY MOVIE WATCHING SESSION...

PHOTO: THE PONDOK PESANTREN IS SURROUNDED BY PADDY-FIELDS ON ONE SIDE AND THIS JUNGLE GREENERY ON THE OTHER SIDE. BEING HERE IS LIKE SPENDING TIME IN OUR TAMAN NEGARA BACK IN MALAYSIA. DURING NIGHT TIME ALL SORTS OF MUSICAL VOICE OF INSECTS AND BIRDS CAN BE HEARD COMING FROM THIS JUNGLE. BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD THE SOUND OF TIGER OR LION ROARING. THAT’S GOOD NEWS BECAUSE COMPARED TO 20 YEARS AGO; I CAN’T RUN THAT FAST ANYMORE. FURTHERMORE, I MUST CONFESS THAT I AM A MAN WITH 3 MONTHS 'PREGNANT' TUMMY. THANKS TO INDONESIAN DELICIOUS FOOD SUCH AS ES TELER, BEBEK KALEYO, PECAL LELE LELA, AYAM BAKAR MAS MONO, AYAM BAKAR WONG SOLO, CHICKEN STORY, SOTO GEBREK, PISANG BAKAR, AYAM KALASAN, MARTABAK BANGKA, KONRO DAENG TATA, AYAM GORENG MBOK BEREK, GADO-GADO BOPLO, SOTO BETAWI, SOTO MAKASAR, SATE SENAYAN, RAWON SETAN, TAHU PETIS KEDUNGDORO, BEBEK SONGKEM, SEMANGGI DEMPO, NASI KRAWU BU RIDA AND MANY MORE. IT SEEMS THAT UNLESS AND UNTIL I CONSUME 'ALPHA LIPID SLIM DIET 2', I WILL BE FOREVER PREGNANT....

Friday, June 19, 2009

How Would Hang Jebat React To Sandstorm In Sudan?

My 15 Days Old Blog

My first posting in this blog was on the 3rd of June and today is 18th of June. This simply means my blog is actually just 15 days old. But I am touched and motivated by many positive feedback that I received either sent directly to my e-mail (khairul@pro-versatile.com) or written at the 'comment' column. Some of my blog readers suggested that I wrote more frequent instead of once a week so that in any one posting I do not have to write too long.

Time Is Really Gold!

The problem is I simply do not have enough time since I arrived here in Khartoum. I have really devoted most of my time helping my Sudanese partner to jump-start my branch operations here promoting 'Doing Business In Malaysia' and the other 2 services that I have explained in my earlier posting. Too many things to do at a very limited time.

The Best Cook In The World

Even now, my busy schedule here in Sudan has made me lost at least 2 inches of my waistline just within 2 weeks time because I hardly had time to cook for my dinner. My Sudanese partner (Mr Abdul Jalil Abujjoud) has been very generous to me by providing a nice accommodation complete with kitchen and various utensils for me to cook my Malaysian dishes. Actually even a simple room is already more than enough for me to be the place that I can pray, sleep soundly and have a complete rest after working very hard throughout the day. Hmm...The truth is at this moment of time I really miss my wife's delicious cooking and dishes. For me, my wife is the best cook in the world, not Gordon Ramsay and definitely not Chef Wan. I believe most of the husbands in Malaysia will say their wives' cooking are the best in the entire universe. Regardless what others say, I will stubbornly say my wife is the best cook in the world, at least from my perspective. Not only she can cook mouth-watering variety of Kelantanese dishes, but also some Javanese traditional cuisine that she learned from my mother, from the irresistibly aromatic to the succulently sumptuous. If not, how come my waistline exploded and expanded from 29 inches when we just married to nearly 45 inches now? Numbers never lie! Fortunately her body figure does not become like mine and she has managed to maintain her body figure more or less the same like the time we have just been married.

How About 'Masak Lemak Tayar Kereta' or 'Kari Tombol Pintu'?

My obsession towards my wife's cooking made her once jokingly said to me that maybe if she cooks for me 'Masak Lemak Tayar Kereta' (Car tyre cooked in coconut milk and spices) or 'Kari Tombol Pintu' (Door Knob Curry), I may say its delicious too! Oh Mamamia!

Preparing For Appointment With GM of Giad Company

One of my main mission here in Khartoum is to capitalize on my 15 years working experience to train my Sudanese local staffs about those 3 services related to Malaysia. It's very interesting to teach this energetic and full of enthusiasm Sudanese staffs. Yesterday one of the staffs (Badreldin), my Sudanese partner (Mr Abdul Jalil Abujjoud) and I have had big meeting with the GM of Giad Sudan, a big conglomerate and diversified company in Sudan.

No Soldier In The World Put His Grenades Inside His Underwear!

Prior to the meeting I stressed so many times to my staff how important a good preparation is. I also pointed out to them the need to put all the marketing materials at the right place so that during the actual presentation, they can easily locate the brochures or the CD or the write-up to be passed to the client.

I told them when we go to do presentation we actually go to a 'battlefield'. The presentation materials are similar to the machine gun, bullets, grenades and bayonette. The machine guns must be placed at the right place which is at the hand of the soldier, so are the grenades which should be put at the waist-compartment. So when the time comes, it's easy to pull it out from different part of our body or 'briefcase'. I went to the extend asking him the following question:

"Have you ever seen any soldier (whether a US soldier, Gambian soldier, Timor Leste soldier or even the Taliban) putting his grenades inside his underwear, instead of at his waist-compartment? And if he ever puts the grenades inside his underwear, can you imagine the difficulty he may face to pull it out when out of sudden he is under intense attack?"

The moral of the story is we need to put all our presentation materials (our 'bullets', 'grenades' etc) such as brochures, company profiles, CD and write-up at the right places so that when the clients request during our presentation we can easily produce it within less than 5 seconds time! I believe sometimes we need to use creative analogy or example to get our message across our staff's mind.

The Gigantic Giad Group of Companies

Giad Company is perhaps similar to Hicom in Malaysia in term of its diversification and mega size. It has many diversified subsidiaries including Giad Shipping, Giad Motor which assembles Hyundai cars, and even Giat Automative which supplies armoured vehicles to the Sudanese army.

I Prefer Tractor to Military Tank

However my appointment yesterday was with the GM of Giat Tractors and Manufacturing Equipments. I think for my appointment to sound 'friendly and peaceful', it was better not to deal with all the tanks and military equipments first. After 2 weeks of hectic schedule let me deal with tractors rather than with military tank. Its better to put all this 'tank-tank' things aside first. My warrior-blood has got no appetite for this tank-related thing, at least for now.

Located within the compund of its own huge Giad Industrial City, the security is rather tight the moment we entered the Security Post at the entrance of industrial city. We went to this meeting by using Mr Abdul Jalil's car. Finally three of us managed to locate the right building within the Giad Industrial City for our meeting with the General Manager of the Giad Tractors & Agricultural Equipment.

Secretary or Security Man?

There were a couple of times I confused with my Sudanese staff's English accent. So yesterday when he uttered the word 'secretary' to me, I heard it wrongly and I thought he said 'security' especially if the person he was referring to did not resemble any typical personality of a secretary that I have had in my innocent mind.

Upon reaching the car park of the building I could see a Sudanese man wearing light yellow long-sleeve shirt (not tuck-in) waited for us at the car part area. In my mind, surely this another 'security man' because when I did my research prior to this meeting I know that on 29th May 2007, Giad Industrial City was one of the companies that US Administration has frozen all their assets within US jurisdiction and U.S. persons are prohibited from transacting or doing business with them.

That so-called 'security-man' accompanied & brought us to the room of the GM for our meeting. Sitting inside the GM room has made me forgotten that I am currently in Sudan. It was very comfortable and cold. During the meeting I was served with a traditional delicious Sudanese drink called 'Helba' which is the Arabic word for 'fenugreek' or 'Greek hay'.

In Sudan and Egypt fenugreek seeds are prepared as tea, by being boiled then sweetened.After more than an hour discussion I was presented with a souvenir by the GM as a token that I have visited Giad factory. And then the same very friendly but stern-looking 'security man' accompanied us to visit the factory production area.

Do You Have a 'Born To Kill' Face?

After that he accompanied us back to Mr Abdul Jalil's car. Only later inside the car I finally came to know from Badreldin that this man who I initially thought was a 'security man' is actually the 'secretary' of the GM that he has called to make appointments!

They all laughed when I said even though he was such a friendly man, he certainly did not stand any chance to be a secretary of a GM in a conglomerate in Malaysia. I told them almost 98% of the secretaries in big corporations in Malaysia dominated by very presentable lady. No offence to this very nice man 'Mr Secretary', but I told my Sudanese partner that for me, a man is the last person on Planet Earth that I want to employ as my secretary who I have to face everyday. I can't imagine if I pass a draft-proposal to my 'bad mood' male secretary to be typed, I may face the possibility that he will stare back at me as if he wants to rape me. Maybe, just maybe.

Please do not get me wrong. That 'security man' treated us very well that day but...what a day, the 'security 'man is indeed the secretary! I think it is normal for anybody to expect a typical secretary should be a lady with a presentable face like Beyonce, not a stern-looking man with a 'Born To Kill' face. Having said this, I must categorically deny that never in any way I am trying to insinuate that secretary of the GM has a 'Born To Kill' or 'Born To Bomb' face. Never. Anyhow, that's alright. We learn from different countries corporate culture. I guess in certain way, in Sudan everything is possible..

My Visit To Chicken Farm In Sudan

On the way back from this appointment, we stop-by at a very big chicken farm owned by one of my 3 Sudanese partners, Mr Mutasim Osman. In my first blog posting I did explain that I met Mr Mutasim in London in January this year initially to provide consultancy services to him for 'Doing Business In Malaysia' but later it turn out that we agreed to promote this same services to the Sudanese business community. That's exactly the reason as to why I am now in Sudan for 3 months secondment or attachment.

Mr Mutasim is currently in London managing his other business there. So when we arrived at his farm, we were greeted by his Farm Manager or Caretaker. His farm has got tens of thousands of chicken producing eggs to be distributed all over Khartoum and its surrounding areas. This kind of business is definitely a lucrative business here.

Where Is Actually the 'Road?

This huge chicken farm is located nearly one or two kilometre off the main bitumen road. In order to reach the chicken farm we have to drive along the so-called 'countryside road'. But what amazed me is this countryside road does not have a clear road delineation, unlike in Malaysia. It is like crossing a huge empty area like a desert. You can drive which ways you like. So there is very, very little possibility of an accident with other vehicle except the driver of incoming car has a very high tendency of committing suicide by directly ramming his car towards your car. The 'road' is so wide. If you want to drive in a zig-zag manner there is nobody going to stop you to do that on this extremely wide road. But should you do that, you may risk appearing on the front page of local Sudanese newspaper:"Mentally-challenged Malaysian Driver Driving Zig-Zag on Sudanese Countryside Road"

Chicken in Air-Conditioned Barns, Human-Being Under 50 Degree Celcius

There are tens of thousands of chickens in that chicken farm. I consider these chickens as 'privileged-few' in Sudan. Why? Because all these chickens are living in a fully air-conditioned huge chicken barns, whilst the Sudanese in general has to endure the extreme heat of 45-50 degree Celsius especially during April to June every year. It is a practice in the chicken breeding industry worldwide to equip their chicken barns with air-conditioner so that the chickens will not die due to overheating. The moment I came out from the car and entered the chicken barn, I felt as if I wanted to stay back inside the barns. It is undoubtedly comfortable. When I entered the chicken barn, all the Sudanese chickens started staring at me but I looked back at all those chickens in an envious way. Can you believe it. For the first time in my life, I felt chickens have received better treatment than me, a human-being. Oh Chickens! How lucky you are..

The Chicken said: "You Want Us To Produce Eggs, We Need To Make Love. You Want Us To Make Love, We Need The Air-Conditioner"

If you see the photo of the chicken farm factory boy who manning the egg paper-plates machine, it's very clear that he could not stand the hot weather, thus he took off his shirt while working. But it's not the fault of the factory management that this boy took off his shirt. If I work there, I will take off my shirt too. Its just a natural reaction to the hot weather. Guess what? At the time when our fellow human-being was working in a relatively hot condition, those lucky bunch of chickens comfortably making love inside an air-conditioned barn. As if the chickens proudly said:"Don't you learn Biology in school? There is no chicken in the world that can produce eggs without making love first. Never. So, if you want us to produce a lot of eggs for you, we need to make love very comfortably. In order to to make love comfortably, we definitely need the air-conditioner. No excuse." How rude this ungrateful chickens!

You Kill Me, No More Eggs!

Since these chickens are bred for producing eggs, they somehow are not worry to be slaughtered, unlike those who are bred specially for its meat. As if these chickens are all saying to me: "If you dare to kill me, there will be no more eggs for you!"

'Poor Man Refrigerator' on The Middle of Mini Desert

After spending nearly an hour visiting the chicken farm, we decided to drive back to office. On the way back from the chicken farm towards the main bitumen road, we passed by a 'desert-type' of empty land. That was the time Mr Abdul Jalil showed me something that he called 'poor man refrigerator'. These 'poor man refrigerator' is actually water containers made from clay and as the water inside evaporates, all the heat goes with it. But this clay is not an ordinary clay because it is normally made from soil found near the riverbank. It resembles our very own 'Labu Sayong' which is famous in Kuala Langsar but it is bigger in size.

Is There Any Bacteria Inside the Water?

So if you look at the photo I attached, this 'poor man refrigerator' consist of many clay water-containers arranged nicely in the middle of nowhere, a 'mini-desert'. Any thirsty driver, or traveller can just stop-by and drink it using a small pot. According to Mr Jalil the water is normally been constantly supplied or filled by anybody who wants to do 'amal jariah' (good deeds). On daily basis this unknown volunteers use their car or donkey to bring the clean water and filled into the 'poor man refrigerator'. They asked me to try and drink it. So I drank it. It was indeed very cold and refreshing.

However, after the water flowed nicely through my throat, I initially wanted to ask this silly question: "Is there any bacteria inside the water?" You know, this 'poor man refrigerator' are left alone unguarded in an unoccupied vast empty land sort of like in a mini desert. But fearing this question may offend them I kept quiet. I said to my self: "What if they get angry with my 'uninsured mouth' for asking an insulting question, and they may just leave me alone there to find my way out and drove to the main road without me on board . The moment I visualized myself alone stranded on a mini-desert made my mouth automatically shut-up and I behaved like a good boy.

But...my mind kept on asking what if there was a 'katak puru' (frog) sleeping inside that 'poor man refrigerator'? Probably that frog also wanted to cool down his body and I innocently drank the water from that particular clay water container. Sheesh....

Even Brad Pitt Face Can Change To Rabuan Pit Face Under This Extreme Dusty Heat

Maybe some of you who have known me well may think how come Khairul's face in the 'poor man refrigerator' above photo became so dark, 'chomot' and not as a macho as his normal face used to be? Well my friend, trust me, under that kind of extreme hot weather plus the dusty wind keep on caressing your face, I have no doubt even my good friend Encik Brad Pitt's face will definitely turn to Rabuan Pit's face at that time. I am not saying Rabuan Pit (our Malaysian 100m sprinter who used to be the fastest man in Asia when he got gold medal at New Delhi Asian Games in 1982) has an ugly face, but I think you know what I mean. By using the same logic, no wonder my usual charismatic and macho face that many ladies said very much resembling President General Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono looks very much different in the above photo.

Sandstorm in Khartoum

Until this morning, never in my life I experienced a mother nature phenomenon called 'sandstorm'. Basically, sandstorm occurs when strong dry wind blowing over the desert that raises and carries along clouds of sand or dust often so dense as to obscure the sun and reduce visibility almost to zero. The way I see it, sandstorm happens when sand and dust unleash their fury and 'run amok'. Mind you, this type of 'amok' is definitely not a 'play-play' amok. This is a very real amok.

What the Hell is 'Haboob' Sandstorm? Is it a Kind of Boob? Sheesh...

Locals here call this sandstorm 'Haboob'. This 'Haboob' is a sandstorm prevalent in the region of Sudan around Khartoum with the leading edges of which often appear as solid walls of dust as much as 5,000 feet or 1,525 metre high! The told me that we can see the sandstorm looks like a mountain of sand approaching the house until it covered it. Huge storms like this usually come once a year. Wow! Once a year. I am so thrilled to hear this. I hope I can get a chance to see this big sandstorm and if I do, I will try to take photo from inside my room.

This morning (Thursday, 18th June) for the very first time in my life I walked through sandstorm when I went to the nearby grocery shop to buy my breakfast. The shopkeeper told me it is just a minor sandstorm as compared to the real sandstorm which is gigantic and huge in size.

I Nearly Naked This Morning. All Because of Minor Sandstorm!

Even though it is a minor one in the eyes of local resident, I can feel the strength of the wind blowing all over my body bringing a thick wall of dust. If I did not hold my long pant tightly, I'm sure Khartoum resident near Arkaweet area this morning may have a free show of 'A Naked Fat Sexy Man From Malaysia".

Even a Plane Crashed Because of Sandstorm!

The photo that I attached here is the huge sandstorm, not the one I experienced this morning. This huge sandstorm can be fatal. Your nostril will be filled with sand and you can become injured or incapacitated. In fact on 5 May 1996 a Sudanese passenger plane that was attempting an emergency landing during a sandstorm, crashed in a field, killing all 53 people aboard.

If you are caught in the middle of the sandstorm, no matter how strong you are, you will be helpless. Your visibility will be zero. In addition It will cause the drying of your mucous membranes.

How Do You Think Hang Jebat Will React in a Sandstorm?

Talking about 'strong man' I try to imagine what will happen if our Hang Jebat (the Malaysian ancient hero well known for his vengeful rebellion against the Malacca Sultan) is trapped in a sandstorm in Khartoum. You know'lah' Jebat...The only words he got in his life dictionary to resolve any problem is 'running amok'. For Jebat, there is no such thing as Nobel Peace Prize. I can visualize how my great Jebat run amok against this sandstorm and how he will try to stab every single solid walls of dust that keep on 'attacking' him. I am also very sure no matter how strong and well-built a bouncer from Kuala Lumpur nite club is, he will immediately be a 'scared little cute mouse' the moment he is trapped in 'Haboob', the infamous Khartoum sandstorm!

As for Hang Jebat, I believe his encounter with the Haboob sandstorm can be construed as the ultimate 'Battle of the Amok'. If Jebat is still alive today I will sponsor him to fly to Sudan. I will show him when the Sudan's sand and dust 'run amok', forming the formidable Haboob Sandstorm, his infamous 'Amok of Jebat' will look like just the amok of a kindergarten's kid!

Jumpa Lagi, Ma'as salaama, Salam, Permisi, Khoda Hafez, Pamitan, Bye For Now..(My next posting will be my story regarding the uniqueness of houses in Sudan and about the normal practice of Sudanese sleeping outside their house 'open-air ' while enjoying the nice night sky with thousands of stars)

Dear 'Lina', its good to read your comment again. As long as there is soul in our body I believe the idea will always there. It is up to us to 'stimulate' the idea. That's why we heard the phrases "bakat terpendam" which literally means our talent or idea are always there for us to unearth. Regarding what will happen if I really get naked due to sandstorm, let me respond this way: If I intentionally go to any Body Builder Championship and expose my body ('aurat') of course it is wrong according to the Islamic rules, but if it is done unintentionally, who am I to stop the Sudanese to see my 'sexy secretive' body design then. Thank you for your comment.

Hello Khairul, you never fail to impress me, man! Haven't I said before you got a very smart brain and you think differently from others? When you saw a factory boy manning the chicken-egg machine did not wear any shirt due to extreme hot weather and at the same time the chickens were all inside the air-conditioned barns (of course you are right, chicken has to make love first before producing eggs) immediately your brain know how to make a good, logic, funny, out-of-the box story related to that scenario. I am an old man compared to you (you are 39 right?) but I think you are smarter than me. Good..good..Keep on posting. God bless you!

Dear En 'Zamzuri', smiling is generally a manifestation or reflection of happiness except 'senyum kambing' (goat's smile?) which is more towards expressing cynicism. But undoubtedly I believe yours are 'senyum ulamak' and not 'senyum kambing'. Its indeed my greatest pleasure to know I have managed to make somebody happy. Take Care. Thank you for your comment.

Dear 'Anonymous',(Jebat Moden), jEBAT is definitely more hEBAT than Tuah. To Hang Tuah, this Hang Khairul wants to say: "Every human being is the same when we was born, when we die later and when we line-up in front of God on the Day of Judgement. So whether you are the King or author Stephen King, or even just a Burger King, we are all ultimately the same. Except Burger King, we are all accountable for what we did on this Planet Earth". Thank you for your comment.

Dear 'Michael KL', reading your comment has made me more determined to write better. When you said 'out-of-the BOX' , I automatically remember my dear old friend, Encik Forrest Gump used to tell me in 1994: "Mama always said life was like a BOX of chocolates..You never know what you re gonna get, Khairul". God bless you too, sir. Thank you for your comment.

Dear 'Adzam', I am humbled by your words of encouragement. During 39 years living in this world I'm sure we all have gone through sweet and bad memories. In 1988, the first time I met you during A-Level was indeed 21 years ago, not 21 days ago, not 21 months ago, but oh dear...it was a long 21 years ago. And this blog is the place we finally meet again. By the way, due to your "intellectual face-design", the first time I saw your face 21 years ago I thought you were a future scientist sponsored by NASA to study A-Level in Malaysia. Now after 21 years, I am still of the opinion that you have got an "intellectual scientist face". Fortunately not a face of a NASA scientist, but an Iranian nuclear scientist handsome-face with a new name "Adzamdinejad". Thank you for your comment.

Dear En. "HISHAMUDIN", Don't feel sad at all, sir. Do you need a shoulder to cry on? If you do, I am the man although if you really cry on my shoulder, people may think we are such a romantic gay couple. Well..sir, everybody has gotten some good and bad memories in life. Confirmed. No exception. This includes our beloved Prophet who lost his favourite uncle and parents. You wrote that your sad memory ('kenangan pilu') was just 10 years ago, but if I have ever chosen to live in the past, this happy 'Khairul' that you know now maybe already dead, dead, dead back in 1991, which is 18 years ago (longer than your 10 years ago sad memory), at least dead 'in the spiritual sense'. But let's forget about it. By the way, Susan Boyle and Obama are the classic examples of two human beings who were ultimately nobody 5 years ago (not even 18 years ago). Oh Yes! Let's celebrate life, by appreciating each minute of our life by showing our great love towards God, Prophet and of course towards our beloved wife, children and parents too. Regarding my hair, last time almost once a week I would "send my hair to the laundry"(Hahaha, The truth is last time almost once a week I regularly went to the Indian Barber to be shaved by my official friendly Indian barber either in Manchester or Brickfields). Thank you for your comment.

Dear 'Azura', as a matter of fact I am also a "Desperate Housewife" (DH) TV series fan. I have with me nicely downloaded into my laptop Season 5 of DH from Episode 3 to Episode 20. Some of the episodes even have not been aired by Malaysian TV yet. The way I see it, DH's strength is the plot of the story. The jokes are also natural and not slapstick. There are a lot of lesson that we can learn from watching DH. The characters that I love most are "Lynette and Tom Scavo". Why? Because this business-minded couple really fight tooth and nail to save their restaurant business but to no avail. Another character in DH that I also admire is "Bree Hodge" or her professional name "Bree Van de Kamp". Although just a housewife and a caterer, she managed to write her book entitled "Mrs Van de Kamp's Old Fashioned Cooking". Guess what? This "Bree van de Kamp" character in DH really inspired me, so much so I am now slowly but surely in the process of writing my own book which I give the title "From Malaysia to Manchester: A story of Promoting Malaysia in J.W.W Birch Country". This is my story regarding my struggle and my endless effort (with my other partners) trying very hard establishing a business from scratch in the UK. Due to my busy schedule, I do not know when will the book finally ready to be printed but all the 'flesh' and 'ingredients' are nicely there and ready, it just need me to be the 'cook'. Its for sure. InsyaAllah. Thank you for your comment.

Dear 'azrienazin', Oh Yes! "Tak Hilang Desperate Housewives Di Dunia". I think if we translate DH series to Gambian language or Bhutan language it will definitely become an instant favourite TV comedy-drama there. To make a film like "Si Buta dari Gua Hantu" or "Panglima Harimau Berantai" I think you can ask Badul to do it. He surely can do. He is smart. But to produce an excellent piece of art like DH series with its smooth story-plot and natural comedy, it needs a genius to produce it! Thank you for your comment.

Dear Hazwani Rabuan, I just realized that you have written a comment here because all this while I focus more on my year 2010 blog topics. BTW, yes...you are right about your dad (Encik Rabuan Pit) and Brad Pitt. Shall we say both your dad and Brad Pitt are indeed very unique celebrities. I have my genuine respect towards Encik Rabuan Pit. Your dad won the fastest man in Asia title in 1982 New Delhi Asian Games 100m final. That time I was just a standard six primary school boy and I still remember very clearly he really made all of us proud to be Malaysians! Please send my salam and best regards to your dad who is my great Malaysian hero, Encik Rabuan Pit. Take care Hazwani. Thank you so much for writing a comment in my blog.

Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank YouThank YouThank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You ThThank You BEAUTIFUL SONG DEDICATED TO MY BELOVED WIFEhank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You Thank You T

ABOUT ME: KHAIRUL HISHAM (khairul.hisham@ymail.com)

I believe I can fly. I believe Michael Corleone (The Godfather) and I share the same DNA. I also believe there is no 'permanent stupidity'. Learning or discovering something new whether new knowledge, new friends, or new opportunity is extremely enjoyable for me. Anything new is like a 'virgin-thing' to me. No man on Planet Earth can forget what Madonna said: "Like a virgin. Touched for the very first time!". I am a great believer in "What Goes Around, Comes Around", which simply means a person's actions, whether good or bad, will often have consequences for that person. If you do good thing to Mr 'A', it is not necessarily that same Mr 'A' who will return your favour. By the grace of God, you will be surprised to see that someday, somewhere, somehow, sometime later perhaps Mr 'E' or Mr 'Z' who will return the same favour to you. Believe it or not it has happened to me many times! But it will be the same if you do wrongdoing to others or even if you take other people's feeling for granted. Later at some point of your life it will be your turn or your family turn to be the victim and you or your family will suffer exactly the same. So my dear friends, let's do good to others..

MY BELOVED WIFE

MY ELDEST DAUGHTER

My Eldest Daughter, Intan Nur Farhana Khairul Hisham. She Is Now 22 Years Old. Currently Studying At International Islamic University of Malaysia (UIA)

MY SECOND DAUGHTER

My Second Daughter, Intan Nur Qistina Khairul Hisham. She Is Now 20 Years Old. Currently Studying At University of Malaya (UM)

MY THIRD CHILD

My Third Child, Mahathir Khatami Khairul Hisham. (13 Years Old) He Is Now Studying To Be a Hafiz At Pondok Moden Saadah Addaarain

MY YOUNGEST SON

Mehmed Al Fateh Khairul Hisham (Born 23 September 2014)

MY OFFICIAL ANSWER TO: "WHEN WILL I WRITE MY LATEST BLOG UPDATES"

To My Dear Blog Readers: Thank you so much for spending your valuable time reading my blog. I appreciate it. From time to time, I have received many queries via emails and also via my blog's comment as to when I will update the content of my blog like the good old days.

Here is my official reply:As a matter of fact, there are indeed many interesting stories about my consultancy business and daily life in Jakarta for me to write in my blog as updates.

And there are also wonderful stories to share with everybody about my mind-soothing weekend religious activities at a Pondok Pesantren in a panoramic remote village surrounded by green hills, located on the outskirts of Jakarta. It's Heaven on Earth. Yes, Heaven on Earth. The most beautiful place I have ever been in my life.

To spend time during my weekends listening to such wonderful Islamic teaching by the Pak Kiyai and to mingle with all the future 'Hafiz' and 'Hafizah' who are most of them orphans really has made me realize that Heaven on Earth really does exist. Indeed there is Heaven on Earth.

But after doing a lot of soul-searching, I have decided to keep a low profile and not publishing my life activities in my blog anymore.

Having said that, I will still continue replying any comment that is written at my blog's commentary section.

Apart from reading my reply to all the comments written at my blog's commentary section, you may also want to check out hundreds and hundreds of newspaper and magazine web-links from all over the world which you can see throughout this vertical column of my blog. All these newspapers links are updated daily. As for the magazines, the updates are done periodically.

I hope you will enjoy reading all the magazine links that I have laboriously and diligently put it one by one in my blog. Thank you again for visiting my blog. Take care. Bye for now..

SONG OF THE DAY(FRIDAY 3 MAY 2013)Song: Where Do I Begin Vocal: Andy WilliamsComposer: Francis Lai Lyrics: Carl Sigman

TO MY BELOVED WIFE:

My Dear Wife, I dedicate this "Where Do I Begin" song to you. With your first hello you gave a meaning to this empty world of mine. You fill my heart with very special things. You fill my soul with so much love...

WHERE DO I BEGIN"LOVE STORY"(ENGLISH VERSION)Where Do I BeginTo Tell The StoryOf How Great A Love Can BeThe Sweet Love StoryThat Is Older Than The SeaThe Simple Truth AboutThe Love She Brings To MeWhere Do I Start

With Her First HelloShe Gave A Meaning ToThis Empty World Of MineThere'd Never Be AnotherLove Another TimeShe Came Into My LifeAnd Made The Living FineShe Fills My Heart

She Fills My HeartWith Very Special ThingsWith Angel Songs,With Wild ImaginingsShe Fills My SoulWith So Much LoveThat Any Where I GoI'm Never LonelyWith Her AlongWho Could Be LonelyI Reach For Her Hand.It’s Always There

How Long Does It LastCan Love Be MeasuredBy The Hours In A DayI Have No Answers NowBut This Much I Can SayI Know I'll Need HerUntil The Stars All Burn AwayAnd She'll Be There

How Long Does It LastCan Love Be MeasuredBy The Hours In A DayI Have No Answers NowBut This Much I Can SayI Know I'll Need HerUntil The Stars All Burn AwayAnd She'll Be There

LIST OF NEW UPDATES

I have been in Jakarta since 10 August 2010. Jakarta is not a new place for me. I had the experience of working and living in Jakarta Selatan together with my wife and my children in 1998. But my mission this time is to set-up my own Indonesian incorporated company which runs my branch here in Jakarta.

Alhamdulillah, in September 2010 officially my Indonesian subsidiary company by the name of "PT Pro-Versatile BTL" was successfully incorporated with the Indonesian Ministry of Justice and the Investment Coordinating Board (BPKM). Currently my Jakarta branch office is located in Jakarta Selatan, less than 500 metres from the Embassy of Malaysia.

What a tedious process and bureaucracy to set-up a company in Jakarta. But I still love Jakarta with all my heart. For me, Jakarta is a paradise-on-earth. No doubt about that. The people here is definitely very much more polite and very much more soft-spoken as compared to citizens of other parts of Planet Earth, the food is very delicious and the countryside panoramic and beautiful view makes my heart cries and my mind blows...

Alhamdulillah, without any hassle the Indonesian Immigration has also approved my KITAS application which is a Visa that allows me to set-up my business and live in Jakarta legally.

LET'S VISIT MY BLOG DAILY!You are welcome to visit my blog everyday becauseall world newspapers link throughout the vertical column below are updated on daily basis. Oh Yes! The list of all newspapers and magazines website-links can be found below.

WARNING FROM BLOGGER KHAIRUL HISHAM:I must confess that I'm a deadly romantic fat man. Hence, my blog from time to time features romantic jokes. So, please kindly take note sometimes these jokes contain explicit language, but just a little bit roughly 3% of the whole ingredients.THEREFORE,(a) if you are a 6 years old innocent kindergarten kid who think such language offends you(b) or if such language makes your sensitive brain goes haywire(c) or if such language makes your "wild-horse" sexual desire goes mad(d) or if such language makes your extremely fragile religious faith easily plunges into a mental crisis,THEN, May I humbly and politely ask you to leave my blog and:(1) never come back until and unless you have grown up(2) never come back until and unless you can guarantee me that you are not a very weak human-being who is having a kind of "sexual volcano" embedded inside you, waiting to erupt just by reading a little bit explicit language jokes in my innocent blog(3) never come back until and unless you can positively assure me that you are also of the opinion that it is indeed an insult to our intelligence to conclude that just by mere reading a little bit explicit language jokes in my blog can make a smart and respectable reader like you instantaneously becomes a potential new "Jack the Ripper", the undisputed legendary rapist:-)

COLLECTION OF JOKES START HERE:

A man owned a small ranch in Texas. The Texas Wage & Hour Dept. claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent." "Well," replied the rancher, "There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board." "The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 per week plus free room and board." "Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night." "That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the rancher

25 thoughts to get you through almost any crisis:

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.2. You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.6. Sometimes too much drink is not enough.7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.10. Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.16. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.18. One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.19. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.21. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.23. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.24. Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.25. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a "do-it-yourself" thing.

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says."I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing 911, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten b...d," says the husband,"My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"

When you are in your casket, and friends, family, and congregants are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say?Episcopal Priest: "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."Catholic Priest: "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."Rabbi: "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

Murphy's Laws 1. An expert is the one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.2. Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.3. Assumption is the mother of all screwups.4. No real problem has a solution.5. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.6. Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.7. Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.8. Celibacy is not hereditary.9. The one friend or relative for whom you didn't buy a gift will arrive with one for you.10. The toughest thing in business is minding your own.

Israel's economy is in a bad way, inflation is getting higher and immigrants are flooding in from all over the world. Problems, problems, problems, but what should they do?So the Knesset holds a special session to come up with a solution. After several hours of talk without progress, one member, Yitzhak, stands up and says,"Quiet everyone, I've got it, I've got the solution to all our problems. We'll declare war on the United States."Everyone starts shouting at once,"You're nuts! That's crazy!" "Hear me out!" says Yitzhak."We declare war, we lose; the United States do what they always do when they defeat a country. They rebuild everything; our highways, airports, shipping ports, schools, hospitals, factories, and loan us money, and send us food aid. Our problems would be over. "Sure," says Benny, another minister, "That's if we lose - but what if we win?"

A patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said: "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.""That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally.Then he added,"Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change..."

A traveling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye.In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600. "There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days." "Yes," replied the clerk,"But your wife has been here a month."

A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one November day.The father says to the son,"I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce. I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hampton and tells her the news. The sister says,"I'll handle this."She calls Florida and says to her father,"Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We'll be there Wednesday night."The father agrees, "All right."He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife,"Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?"

For collection of the "Daily Jokes" posted on many other previous days, please read at the "Collection of Previous Days Joke" column below.

COLLECTION OF PREVIOUS DAYS JOKES

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice body," says the man, "where do you want to put these vertical blinds?"

If Airlines Sold Paint

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have enough.Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.

Customer: WHAT?Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a liter" signs?Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees". The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?" One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now you ate one developer and it got noticed. So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working!"

An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers.She had just finished saying 'In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,' when a man remarked,"Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died. "All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

Job Advertisment You are young and beautiful, have 2 university degrees, and are fluent in 3 languages.You have long blonde hair, long legs and a killer smile.Aand you want to earn a salary no less than 100 000$ per year.That's nice.But we need a plumber.

A man and his wife were driving through Arkansas on their way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, the man decided to stop and the next gasoline station and fill up. "What can I do fer y'all?" the attendant asked. "Fill it with supreme," the man said. While the attendant was filling the tank, he looked the car up, down and sideways. "What kinda car is dis here?" he asked, "I never seen one like it before." "It's a brand new Cadillac," the driver said proudly, "It has power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a CD player, an 8-speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes, leather interior, digital instruments..." "Wow," said the attendant, "That there's the fanciest car I ever did see." "How much do I owe you?" asked the driver when the attendant had finished. "That'll be $30.25," he replied. The driver pulled out his money clip and peeled off a $20 and a $10. Then he went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of change. Mixed in with the change were a few golf tees. "What're them little things there?" asked the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," said the man. "Goodness," said the attendant. "Them Cadillac people think of everything."

Question: "Milk from Freeze land cow or African cow?"Answer: "Um, I'll take it black"

Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"Answer: "With sugar"

Question: "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"Answer: "Cane sugar"

Question:" White, brown or yellow sugar?"Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead"

Question: "Mineral water or still water?"Answer: "Mineral water"

Question: "Flavored or non-flavored?"Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst"

A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such animal!" Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk and I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies!"

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly,"I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?""Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight.The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively; "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a Disability Insurance Pension."

Points to Ponder

1. Can you cry under water?2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?6. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?7. Why! is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?8. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?9. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?10. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?11. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?12. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose- fitting clothing. If I had any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!13. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?14. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.15. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at lover's point where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her, "Do you want to go in the back seat?" "No!" she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to go in the backseat?" "No!" she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty,and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she has to want it now. "Do you want to go in the back seat?" he asks again."No!" she answers yet again. Frustrated, he demands, "Well why not?" "Because I want to stay up here with you!"

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly asked,"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"The operator responded,"I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."The operator replied,"Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone,"Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."The grandmother said,"Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."The operator replied,"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."

If Airlines Operated Like Computers

DOS Airline Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again jump on again, and so on.

Linux Airline Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes and ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench, and a copy of the seat-howto.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Macintosh Airline All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

Machine Airline There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane, then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform them that they have arrived.

Newton AirlineAfter buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 46 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.

OS/2 Airline To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill our a form showing where you want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on the plane and the plane succeeds in taking off the ground, you have a wonderful trip... except for the time when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you will just have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.

Windows Airline The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, and easy access to the plane. After the plane arrives, 6 months late, you have a completely uneventful takeoff... then, once in the air the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Airline All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.

Unix Airline Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.

VMS Airline The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers. All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of 200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that the plane is too big to get through the hangar doors.

With a puzzled look on his face, a Red Indian boy asked,"Say, mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm??"She told him,"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."Then he asked,"Why is my sister named Cornflower?"She replied,"Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her.""And why is my older sister called Moonchild?"The mother said,"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."Mother Red Indian paused and asked her son,"Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

Bill and Tom are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Bill slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Tom quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill to the local hospital. Next day, Tom goes to the hospital and asks after Bill. The nurse says,"Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". Tom couldn't believe it, but here's Bill out the back exercising his now reattached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill. Couple of days go by, and then Bill slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw thing. So Tom puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Bill off to hospital. Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies,"He's out in the Rehab again exercising." And sure enough, here's Bill out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And Bill comes back to work. But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. Wearily Tom puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Bill to hospital. Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Bill is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says,"He's dead." Tom is shocked, but not surprised,"I suppose the saw finally did him in." "No," says the nurse,"Some dopey idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first American football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience."Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."Dumbfounded, her date asked,"What do you mean?""Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 each," says Green. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough," says Green.The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Green," he says,"You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.She said,"I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,"Mama needs new clothes!"Then she hollered..."Yes! Yes! I won!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed.The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?"The other answered,"I don't know, I thought YOU were watching!"

Truths about growing old

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Heaven and hell

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs are Italian, the mechanics are German, the lovers are French, and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the chefs are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians

Two guys were walking through the jungle.All of a sudden, a tiger appeared from a distance, running toward them. One of the guys took out a pair of Nike from his bag and started to put them on.The other guy, with a surprised look on his face, exclaimed,"Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"His friend replied,"I don't have to outrun the tiger, I just have to run faster than you."

A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see an "upturn." "I think you mean the intern, don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Yes," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination." "You mean examination," the nurse corrected her. "Well, I want to go to the fraternity ward, anyway." "I’m sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied, "Upturn, intern, contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months and I think I'm stagnant."

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,"Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"Father Patrick replied,"I am afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said,"I will go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"Father Patrick exclaimed,"Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons nor prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bill, the Wal Mart greeter, sees her difficulty and unplugs the horse.

Two Italians decided to take a trip to America for a vacation. When they got to America, a person in the airport was trying to get rid of some baseball tickets because he needed to fly back home that day.The Italians said,"What the heck, it is our first time in America and why not watch a good American baseball game."They read on the ticket that the game started in two hours so they had to hurry. They were going to grab a bite to eat first but then they decided that they would be late if they did and they could just get something at the baseball game. After getting everything squared away in their hotel, they caught a cab to the stadium.The Italians were starting to get hungry because they had not eaten since the breakfast on the flight more than 9 hours ago.They went to one of the concessions and to their surprise they saw "hot dog" on the sign. Both of them suddenly lost their appetite and decided to go get their seats.After about the ninth inning, one of the Italians says, "I am really hungry, why don't we just try this hot dog thing. Hey, it might be good too!"Both of the Italians decided to get two hot dogs. When they sat down, one of the Italians opens up the foil to look at the hot dog and then he quickly shuts it with a shocked look on his face. He then turns to the other Italian and says,"What part of the dog did you get?"

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,"OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies,"Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says,"Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says,"I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."The young rooster laughs,"You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM! He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,"Dang it...third gay rooster I bought this month." Moral of the story: Don't mess with us old folks....age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Two blondes are vacationing in Australia.One blonde asks the other,"Which is further, London or the Moon?"The other replies,"Helloooo, can you see London from here???"

Betty and Barbie, two blonde sisters had promised their uncle they would bury him at sea when he died. Their uncle had been a seafaring gentleman all his life and it was to be his final wish. Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the two blondes kept their promise. They cast off from Fort Lauderdale with their uncle all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto his rowboat. After rowing for quite some time, Betty says,"Do you think we're out far enough?" Barbie slips over the side and almost immediately says,"No, this will never do, the water is only up to my chest." So they row on some more, and Barbie slips over the side once again and disappears. Quite a bit of time goes by while Barbie is under water and poor Betty is really getting worried. Suddenly, Barbie breaks the surface, gasping for breath. "Well is it deep enough yet, Sis?" Betty inquires. "Yes,finally! Hand me the shovel."

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress."She slept with nearly every man on the ship" his wife reported.The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife."She was a real lady," his mistress said."How so?" the encouraged man asked."She came on board with her husband and never left his side."

The Laws Of Ultimate Reality

Law of Mechanical RepairAfter your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.Law of GravityAny tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.The Law of probabilityThe probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.Law of Random NumbersIf you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.Law of the AlibiIf you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.Variation LawIf you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)Law of the BathWhen the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.Law of Close EncountersThe probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.Law of the ResultWhen you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.Law of BiomechanicsThe severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.Law of the TheaterAt any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.The Starbucks LawAs soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.Murphy's Law of LockersIf there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.Law of Physical SurfacesThe chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.Law of Logical ArgumentAnything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.Brown's Law of Physical AppearanceIf the shoe fits, it's ugly.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing StrategyAs soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.Doctors' LawIf you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan!Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?Caller:I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.Operator:Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?Operator:I'm Saw Ree.Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!Operator:That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.Caller: Oh my...

The blonde reported for her university final exams consisted of yes/no type questions.She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes for Heads, and No for Tails.Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.But during the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on."I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.The doctor gave the man a jar and said,"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked,"You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied,"Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."

A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow."Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the Duke. "I must find him!"After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets."You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the Duke worriedly."No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy.""That is truly astonishing," said the Duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely."But I must ask one favor in return," the Duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot.""Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree... and then I paint the target around it."

A crusty old Marine Corps Colonel found himself at a gala event at a posh hotel, sponsored by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely attractive, idealistic young women in attendance. One of them approached the Colonel."Excuse me sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time? Or is there something that's bothering you?""No, I'm just serious by nature."Looking over the Colonel's ribbons, the young lady said,"You seem to have seen a lot of action.""Yes, a lot of action," said the Colonel rather curtly.Finding it hard work trying to start a conversation with the colonel, the young woman said,You know, you should lighten up a little...relax and enjoy yourself."This didn't seem to move the Colonel, who just looked at her very seriously.Exasperated, the woman said,"You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?"The Colonel replied,"1955."The woman commented,"Well no wonder you're the way you are! You really need to chill out a little and quite taking everything so seriously. I mean, no sex since 1955 is a little extreme!"The Colonel responded,"I don't think so, it's only 2130 now. Not even midnight"

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says,"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube for me."The man says,"Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack.""Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample.""I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death.""Well, then we'll take a urine sample.""I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar.""Alright, then I need you to come out here and walk along this white line.""I'm sorry, officer, but I definitely cannot do that.""Why not?""Because I'm drunk."

A young teenage girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma.One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic. Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously,"What are you lining up for, dear?"NOT WILLING TO LET GRANDMA IN ON HER LITTLE SECRET, THE YOUNG GIRL TOLD HER THAT SOME PEOPLE WERE PASSING OUT FREE ORANGES AND THAT SHE WAS LINING UP FOR SOME. Grandma responded,"Hmm...that sounds lovely, I think I'll have some myself"She continued as she made her way to the back of the line.A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered,"But you're so old... how do you do it?" Grandma replied,"Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice. He had always hated Math, so he asked his secretary for some Mathematical help.He asked her,"If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?"She replied,"Everything but my earrings."

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said,"You use to hold my hand when we were courting."Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said,"Then you used to kiss me."Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said,"Then you used to bite my neck."Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked. He replied,"To get my teeth!"

A Texas Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher.He told the rancher,"I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."The old rancher said,"Okay, but don't go in that field over there."The Water representative said,Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out,"Your card! Show him your card!"

The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired,"What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly,"We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father,an Evangelist, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father took him into his study and said to the boy,"I'll make a deal with you, son. You get your hair cut, then we'll talk about the car."The young man paused a moment. Then he said,"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."His father replied,"You're right, son. Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?"

Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s. One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor.She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water and in the water floated a condom.Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was, seeing the condom. Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something!When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer. So he asked,"Sister, I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the condom inside the crystal bowl located on the top of the old organ)She replied,"Oh, yes. Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last autumn and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask,"Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies,"Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're amazed, but continue to ask."So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles and says,"No, I told her I was 90."

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up.The brother hesitated then said,"I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."The man was very upset and yelled,"You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away."The brother thought about it and apologized."So how's Mom?" asked the man.The brother paused for a minute and then replied,"She's on the roof and won't come down."

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery and was astonished to see a $1200 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone."No, not at all," the doctor said calmly."Well," said Margie, "That's awfully costly for knocking someone out.""Not at all," replied the doctor, "I knock you out for free. The 1200 dollars is for bringing you back around."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.The first doctor said,"She's incredibly mixed up. She does everything absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"The second doctor said,"That's nothing. Earlier this week I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!"Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.The first doctor immediately yelled,"Oh My God! I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr Smith's boil!"

One Sunday a pastor told the congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering.He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.A very quiet, elderly and saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor.He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said,"I'll take him and him and him."

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight. Now, please sit back and relax...Oh My God!!"The passengers sat in silence, waiting for terrible news.Then the captain came back on the intercom and said,"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"A passenger loudly responded,"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,"What are the grounds for your divorce?"She replied,"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."The judge said,"No. No. I mean what is the foundation of this case?"She responded,"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar." The judge continued,"I mean...What are your relations like?"She replied,"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."The judge said,"Do you have a real grudge?"She answered,"No. We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."The judge tried again,"Please...Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"She said,"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."The judge asked again,"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"She responded,"Yes. About twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."Finally, in frustration, the judge asked,"Lady, why do you want a divorce?"She replied,"Oh, I don't want a divorce. I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning.He complained,"Nobody in school likes me. The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school."His mother countered,"But you have to go to school. You are healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you are forty-five years old and you are the principal."

A young Asian mother had just given birth to a baby boy. Her name was Ting.When her husband, his name is Wong, arrived to see the newborn, the nurse brought in a blond-haired-blue-eyed baby boy.The nurse said,"How do you like you new son, do you have a name for him yet?"Wong looked at his wife Ting and at the nurse. He then replied,"Yes. I name him SOME TING WONG."

She was so blonde that...1. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said: concentrate.2. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.3. She told me to meet her at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK.4. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.5. She thought a quarterback was a refund.6. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you would get change back.7. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.8. Under education on her job application, she put Hooked on Phonics.9. She tripped over a cordless phone.10. At the bottom of the application where it says sign here she put Sagittarius.11. It takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes".12. If she spoke her mind, she would have nothing to say.13. She studied for a blood test and failed.14. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.15. She sold the car for gas money.16. When she saw the NC17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.17. She heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, so she moved.18. She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Phone Company.19. When she was on the highway going to the airport and saw a sign that said airport left, she turned around and went home.

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four Catfish.He told the supermarket fish salesman,"Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"The fish salesman asked,"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"Jim answered,"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."The fish salesman said,"Okay, but I suggest that you take the Spanish Mackerel."Jim said,"But why?"The fish salesman replied,"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take Spanish Mackerel. She prefers that for supper tonight."

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.One remarked to the other,"Windy, isn't it?"The second man replied,No! It's Thursday."And the third man chimed in,"So am I. Lets go and get something to drink."

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut up."

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her,"Father, may I ask a favor?"The priest said,"Of course my child. What may I do for you?"The woman explained,"Well, I bought an expensive, woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened, and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Perhaps under your robes?"The priest answered,"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."The woman said,"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.The official asked,"Father, do you have anything to declare?"The priest replied,"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer was strange, so he asked,"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor, Father?"The priest said,"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said,"Go ahead, Father. Next!"

As we age, our priorities change...The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, I tied her up and went golfing.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, could you plan a surprise birthday party for them?If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?If you take a shower, where do you put it?If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?Is it possible to be totally partial?If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?Why is abbreviation such a long word?Why is it called a TV set if you only get one?If its zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, Would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife that she is, she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says,"Yes! Lot's of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"The wife replied."I did, they were in your tackle box."

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a palm tree when one turns to the other and says,"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you' re about my age, how do you feel?"Slim says,I feel just like a new-born baby.""Really!? Like a new-born baby!?""Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."

An elderly couple was attending a church service. About halfway through the wife leans over and says to her husband,"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"The husband replies,"Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink."Why of course," comes the reply.The first man then asks:Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.The first man responds,"You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.""Of course," replies the second man.Curious, the first man then asks,"Where in Ireland are you from?""Dublin," comes the reply."I can't believe it," says the first man, "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.""Of course," replies the second man.Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks,"What school did you go to?""Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62.""This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar."What's been going on?" he asks the bartender."Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions."Davy, what noise does a cow make?""It goes moo.""Alice, what noise does a cat make?""It goes meow.""Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?""It goes baaa.""Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?""Errr.., it goes.. click!"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."His mother heard what he was saying, shocked and gasped,"What are you doing?"The little boy answered,"I'm doing my math homework, Mom."The mother asked,"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?""Yes," he answered.Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,"What are you teaching my son in math?"The teacher replied,"Right now, we are learning addition."The mother asked,"And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"After the teacher stopped laughing, she then answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH is four."

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked. He replied,"I heard the nurse says: "It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" The other man said,"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" He said,"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."

One Christmas, a parent decreed that she was no longer going to remind her teen age children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given...The next year things were different, however."The children came over in person to thank me," the grandparent told a friend triumphantly."How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused their change in behavior?""Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."

A wife proudly says to her husband one weekend morning,"We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied,"Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded,"But we've never subscribed to any papers!"

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a "great" writer.When asked to define "great" he said,"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

The divorce court Judge said,"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully. And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." The husband said,""That's very fair, your honor. And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

An office executive was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality. So he asked,"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"The blonde replied,"I'd have to say the living one."

The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers.

Selecting new employees Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.If they are counting the bricks - Put them in the accounts department.If they are recounting them - Put them in auditing.If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks - Put them in engineering.If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order - Put them in planning.If they are throwing the bricks at each other - Put them in construction.If they are sleeping - Put them in receptionIf they have broken the bricks into pieces - Put them in IT.Ifthey are sitting idle - Put them in human resources.If they say they have tried different combination, yet not a brick has been moved - Put them in sales.If they have already left for the day - Put them in marketing.If they are staring out of the window - Put them on strategic planning.And then last but not least.If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved - Congratulate them and put them in management.

"Don't laugh!" said Ed the patient. The doctor said,"Of course I won't laugh. I am a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure and the doctor said,"I am so sorry. I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" Ed replied,"It's swollen"

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied,"Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."The man walks up to him and says,"I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. "So, really? How long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together.After the examination, the doctor then said to the man,"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?""In fact, I do," said the man. "After I have made love with my wife the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have made love with my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." The doctor replied,"This is very interesting. Let me do some research and get back to you."Then after examining the elderly lady, the doctor said,"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"The lady replied that she had no questions nor concerns. The doctor than asked,"Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after making love the first time with you and cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"She replied,"Oh that old buzzard! That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December."

A man goes to a shrink and says,"Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" The Doctor replies,"Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her 21 year old roommate."Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.""Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?""He was the original owner."

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30am, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line,"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!"

"That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend.""I know, but I don't hold any grudges.""I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her.""Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double.""Wow! Is that true?""I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age."

The new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and breathe in the aroma of chocolate milk. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.She thinks to herself,"Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," so she pushes him back onto the seat.A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again.Finally, the man says,"Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm twelve blocks past my stop already."

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone,"Get me a coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No," replied the trainee. "It's the CEO of the company, you fool!" The trainee shouts back,"And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!" "No," replied the CEO indignantly. "Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said,"Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and asked Obama,"What would you like to talk about?"Obama replies,"Oh, I don't know. How about 'What Changes I Should Make To America'?" and he smiles.She says,"Alright, that could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"Obama visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says,"Hmmm...I have no idea."To which the little girl replies,"Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know shit?"

This so-called tragic event happened before Obama became the President. An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.The first passenger, George W. Bush said,"I am the President of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being leader of nearly 300 million people and a superpower."So he takes the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.The second passenger said,"I'm Antoine Walker, one of the best NBA basketball players, and the Boston Celtics need me so I can't afford to die."So he takes the second parachute and leaves the plane.The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said,"I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am New York's Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world".So she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.The fourth passenger, an old man, says to the fifth passenger, a 12-year-old Boy Scout,"I am old and frail and I don't have many years left. So as a Christian gesture and a good deed, I'll sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."The Boy Scout said, "It's okay, there's a parachute left for you. The world's smartest woman took my backpack."

Several weeks ago, we hired a new blonde secretary who wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. One day when she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said,"I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"The other secretary responded,"Just use the copier machine paper." With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said,"I hate all the blonde jokes people tell."The brunette replied,"Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."They went outside and hailed a taxi driver."Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said the brunette.The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said,"See! That guy was really stupid."The blonde replied,"No kidding. There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. So the young wife went to the pet store and said,"I need a good guard dog."The clerk replied,"Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate." The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog,"Karate that chair."The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces.Then he said to the dog,"Karate that table."The dog went up to the table and broke it in half. So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog. When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he was very annoyed and said,"What? Karate? Well, Karate my dotdotdot!"And to this very day, he is in the hospital.

One day, a blonde wife, roughly 25, wanted to prove to her husband that not all blondes were dumb. So she decided she was going to paint the house while he was at work.When her husband got home,he noticed that she was digging through the closet,looking for something.When he asked her what she was doing, she excitedly said,"The instruction on the can stated: For best result, use two coats."

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.The first surgeon says,"I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."The second responds,"Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded."The third surgeon says,"No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."The fourth surgeon chimes in,"You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed,"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

Cindy McCain was in her front yard watering her roses when John McCain came out of the house and rushed straight to the mailbox, opened it, looked in,then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.As Cindy was getting ready to prune the roses, John came back out to the mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back,and then slammed it closed harder than ever.Puzzled by her husband's actions Cindy then asked him,"Is something wrong honey?"To which he replied,There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.Pure Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.Capitalism: You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.Anarchy-Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.Olympics-ism: You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. In conversation, he asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says she surrounds herself with intelligent people who helps her to make wise decisions."Allow me to demonstrate." She phones Tony Blair and asks,"Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"Tony Blair responds,"It's me, ma'am.""Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says,"Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"Bush replies,"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. So he summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says,"Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.""Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?""Hmmm, so like...your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"Helms ponders the question for several minutes and finally asks,"Can I think about it and get back to you?"Bush agrees, and Helms leaves.Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem,"Now look here Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?"Colin answers immediately,"It's me of course, you dumb ass."Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims,"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"And Bush replies in disgust,"Wrong you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouie DeweyDonaldGoofy When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading 'A Tale of Two Cities' and she gave birth to twins." "That's funny", the second man remarked, "My wife was reading 'The Three Musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets." The third man shouted, "I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading 'Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves'!"

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come in to the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor..."

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely, The Cat

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

A man was carpeting his living room, and once finished, he couldn't find his pack of cigarettes. Then he saw the lump in the middle of the carpet. He decided he didn't want to pull up the new carpet for one pack of smokes, so he took his hammer and pounded the lump flat. His wife came in the room just then and handed him his cigarettes. "I found them in the kitchen," she told him. "Now if I can just find our pet hamster."

Walking past the Royal Courts of Justice one day, a man spotted a friend of his sitting on the steps outside, sobbing loudly with his head buried in his hands. "What's the matter?" he asked of his friend, "Did your lawyer give you bad advice?" "No - it's worse than that," replied the friend between sobs, "he sold it to me."

I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruelest disease." "Crueler than cancer?" his friend asked. "You bet," the first codger replied, "It makes every single one of your joints stiff, except the right one."

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?!"

A man went to his lawyer and said, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer says, "Don't worry. I know how to do it. Leave it all to me." The man looks somewhat upset... "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice - but I'd like to leave a little to my children too!"

The judge summoned the opposing lawyers to his chambers.Confronting the lawyers, the judge said: "Each of you has presented me with a bribe."The lawyers squirmed uncomfortably."Mr. Hearnski, you gave me $15,000. Mr. Joy, you gave me $10,000."The judge then handed a check to attorney Hearnski."Now then, I'm returning $5,000 to Mr. Hearnski and we'll decide this case solely on its merits!"

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones."Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death. We thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?""Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

A cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents?" "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no! That dang varmint bit me on purpose!"

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made."Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?""There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze.""What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily."Gold of course," says the man proudly.The wife responds,"Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together." "How dare you," said the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!" "Well then," said the beggar, "What are you doing in my bed?"

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her."I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is.""OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?""I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed, "That's my business!""Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it."

A Jewish man was riding on the subway reading a Nazi newspaper when his friend stepped aboard and was shocked by the sight. He said,"Moise, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading a Nazi newspaper?" Moise replied,"I used to read the Jewish newspapers but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing from assimilation and marriage, Jews living in poverty. So, I switched to the Nazi newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews rule the world. It's so much better."

Tom and and his blond pal Harry go to the theater. Harry gets up to leave after the curtain closes for the first intermission."Where are you going?" asks Tom."It's not worth the wait," says Harry, "Look in the program. Act Two: One month later."

A blonde was driving down a highway and all of a sudden a cop sitting on the road side turns on his flashing red lights. The blonde seeing the red lights pulls over to the side of the road and waits for the cop. When the cop gets there he says to the blonde,"Lady you were doing 43 miles per hour in a 30 mile an hour zone." The blonde says,"No I wasn't. The sign back there said 43." To this the cop snaps back,"Lady, look ... that was a highway number sign, this is highway 43 and your doing 43 miles an hour in a 30 mile an hour zone." The blonde repeats her story again claiming she was not speeding. The cop scratches his head and returns to his car to ask his bald partner what he should do. After telling his bald partner the story, his partner says,"Bill, you better give her a ticket. The 401 is just up ahead and then we'll never catch her."

A guy walked into his friend's office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking depressed."Hey, what's wrong with you?" he asked."Oh, its my wife," replied the man with a sigh, "She's hired a new secretary for me.""Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?""Neither. He's bald."

A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the gift store to send it, hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit. In due time he received a note:"Thanks for the vase. It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."

Thoughts To Ponder 1. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?2. Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?4. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?5. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?6. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?7. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?8. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?9. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks studying for the final. The day of the exam arrived and they were more than ready for the test. The teacher pulled out a chart, and on it were different pictures of bird's legs. The teacher said, "This is your exam. Name these birds by their legs."After ten minutes one boy stood up, absolutely furious, and slammed the paper down on the teachers desk."Dammit!" he hollered, "You knew I needed to pass this exam to graduate. How could you do this to me?"The guy begins to leave the room and the teacher yells at him,"Hey you, boy, what's your name?"The student pulls up his pants, revealing his legs, and says,"I don't know sir. You tell me."

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site.The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy,"You're in charge of sweeping."To the Scotsman he said,"You're in charge of shoveling."And to the Chinese guy,"You're in charge of supplies."He then said,"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that pile."The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched.He asked the Italian,"Why didn't you sweep any of it?"The Italian replied,"I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and he said,"And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."The Scotsman replied,"Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled..."SUPPLIES!!"

3 prisoners are captured in the war, and are about to be executed. They are asked what they wish to have for their last meal. The Italian asks for Peperoni Pizza, which he is served and then taken away.The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and also taken away.The Jewish man requests a plate of strawberries. The captors are surprised and reply,"Strawberries?" "Yes, Strawberries." "But they are out of season!" "I'll wait..."

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in. Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family!After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Bill found a place that was ideal.The landlord asked him,"How many children do you have?"Bill answered with a deep sigh,"Seven... but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."He got the apartment!

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. She goes in and hands the man her clock.The man says,"Madam, I don't repair clocks. Indeed I am a Mohel. I do circumcision."She says,"Why all the clocks in the window?"And replies,"What do you think I should have in my window?"

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year the young bride gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "Well, well, well! You certainly are quite a man!" He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil. This one is black."

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife."Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went.""Well you're 75 years old now, Jack, why don't you take my brother Scott along?" suggested his wife."But he's 85 and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack."But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," his wife pointed out.The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway."Do you see it?" asked Jack."Yup," Scott answered."Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance."I forgot."

"You are my heart. Could I live without my heart? Could I? No, never. Don't even think about that, it's impossible"George Jung (Johnny Depp)Film: BlowI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Beloved Wife.

“If you got to have a dream, you may as well dream big.”Millie Harris(Rachel Bilson)Film:Jumper I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Macho Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Beautiful Daughters (Farhana & Qistina). My Dear Children, You Know I (Your Big Daddy) Not Only Have A Big Tummy But Also Big Dreams And Big Heart. So I Want You To Have A Big Dream Too. Even Bigger Than Mine. Set A Super High Target. Set A Big Dream. The Good Thing Of Having A Big Dream Is Even If Later You Fail To Fully Accomplish Your Big Dream Or Hit Your Super High Target, At Least Whatever You Have Managed To Hit Is Definitely A Higher Achievement Than Others Who Set Up Lower Target. "Big" And "High" Are Our Preferred Words And Our Battle Cry In Life. Big Dream. Big Money. Big Ambition. Big House. Big Car. Big Company. Go For It. Don't Forget To Delete "Small' And "Low" From Your Dictionary. The Only Small And Low Thing That We Want To Have In This Life Is Small Debt And Small Ego. That's The Only "Small" Thing We Can Accept. The Other "Small, Small"? Nope. Never.

“You can have a headful of the best ideas but if you can’t make the right moves in the world, they’re worthless.”Mr Banks(Dennis Boutsikaris)Film:The Education Of Charlie BanksI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To All The "Theory Man". For Me, The Best Idea Is Just Like An Expensive Adidas Ball In The Game Of Life. If You Just Have The "Ball" (Great Idea) In Your Possession Without Kicking It The Right Way Or If You Just Stare At It, Trust Me Nothing Will Happen. Absolutely Nothing. No Goal. No Success. You Have To Kick This "Ball". Not Only You Have To Kick It. You Have To Kick It Right. You Have To Bend It Like David Beckham. Yes, David Beckham. Don't Bend It Like David Copperfield The Illusionist. Don't Bend It Like David Blaine The Street Magician. And Never Bend It Like David Carradine Who Could Have Killed Himself Accidentally During An Auto-Erotic Sex Act As A Rope Was Found Around His Neck And His Dotdotdot. Kick And Bend The "Ball" Like David Beckham. Only Then Will The Ball (Great Idea) Enter The Net For The Most Beautiful Goal! Confused? Well...That's My Idea About "Great Idea"!

“Sometimes you really can’t listen to what anybody else says. You just got to listen inside.”Miss Riley(Laura Dern)Film:October SkyI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who ThinkToo Much What Others Are Saying About Them. As Long As What You Are Doing Is Not Against The God Rules, Why Bother About Others Want To Say? May I Know When You Want To Go To Toilet Why You Never Bother What Others Say About It But When You Want To Do Some Other Things In Life, Why On Earth You Are So Concern What Others May Say. If You Have To Go, Then You Have To Go. If You Have To Do, Then You Have To Do Even The Whole Malaysia Or The Whole World Are Against You As Long As God Is Not Against You. So My Friend, Promise Yourself That From Today, You Will Be A Free Man. Be A Truly Free Man. As Long As What You Want To Do Is Not Against The God Rules, Just Do It. Yes, Do It. And Do It Now.

"Fairytales might not come true but dreams do"Sam (Hilary Duff) Film:A Cinderella Story I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Are Very Extremely Wrong Accusing Me Of Being A Traitor To My Own Malay Race. Listen To Me You Misguided Poor Soul: Yes, With A 100kg Body Weight I Am No Cinderella The Fairytale Character, Not Even 'Chandrarella'. But I Have A Very Big Dream. Big. Even Bigger Than My Big Tummy. I Dream A New Malaysia Which Is Free From Misuse Of Taxpayer's Money. I Dream A Malaysia Whereby Everybody Including The Internal Security Act (ISA) Detainees Have The Right To Have His Day In A Court Of Law For Whatever Wrongdoing He Is Allegedly Committed. I Dream A New Malaysia That My Own Race (Malays) Have Bravely Deleted From Their Dictionary The Words "Political Cable", "Quota", "Special Rights". And I Also Dream A Malaysia Whereby The Malays Proudly Shout To The Whole World That They Can Stand On Their Own Feet And Deserved To Be Awarded Any Projects, Government Contracts Or Whatever Based On Their Own Capability. I Am No Traitor To My Own Race. I Am Just A Malay Who Want My Race To Be Respected And Highly Regarded By Others.

“Why is it people who want the truth never believe it when they hear it?”Yentl (Barbra Streisand)Film:YentlI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Think I Exaggerate The Misuse Of Taxpayers' Money Problem In Malaysia. The Recent Auditor General Report Has Indeed Proved Many Things Are Not Right When Our Hard-Earned Taxpayers Money Were Misused By This Daylight Robbers. From The Little Napoleon In Kolej Kemahiran Tinggi Mara Balik Pulau Who Paid RM84,640 For Two Laptops Right To The Scumbags In London Who Misuse Taxpayers Money In 'Pampena' Ministry Of Tourism Scandal. RM84,640 For Two Laptops? What Kind Of Laptop Is That? Is It A Magic Laptop That When You Put On Your Lap Within 3 Minutes It Will Automatically Make You Reach Ultimate Orgasm? Seriously, I Ask You, Is It? What About The Northern Corridor Launch That Cost Taxpayers RM11 Million During The Era Of 'Corridor-Lover' a.k.a 'Sleeping Beauty' Abdullah Badawi? RM11 Million Taxpayers Money Just To Organize The Launching Ceremony For Northern Corridor. That's Enough To Make My High Blood Pressure 'Went Upstairs To 88Th Floor'. Not To Mention The Port Klang Free Zone (PKFZ) Scandal That Cost Taxpayers A Stunning RM12.5 Billion. Hello. Hello. Excuse Me. It's RM12.5 Billion Of Our Hard-Earned Taxpayers Money. Billion. Billion. Not RM12.50. Not RM1200. Not RM12500. It's RM12.5 Billion. It's Not UMNO's Money. Not BN's Money. Its Our Hard-Earned Taxpayers' Money! My Money. Your Money.

For collection of the "Daily Quotes" posted on many other previous days, please read at the "Collection of Previous Days Quotes" column that can be found below.

COLLECTION OF PREVIOUS DAYS QUOTES

“There may be tyrants and murderers, and for a time they may seem invincible, but in the end, they always fail. Think of it. Always.”Mohandas Gandhi(Ben Kingsley)Film:GandhiI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Iraqi Freedom Fighters. Let Me Assure You The End Result Is Very Crystally Clear That These Illegal Occupying Forces Will Have To Leave Your Country. They Will Have To Back Off. They Will Have To Go Back To Where They Belong. Definitely. Just A Matter Of Time. Thus, Continue Fighting Back. Teach Them A Bitter Lesson. Make Your Suicide Bombing Open Their Eyes That The Era Whereby A Sovereign Country Can Easily Been Invaded By Foreign Forces Is Over. Over And Over. Kick Them Out From Iraq With Full Of Humiliation. Inflict Maximum Force. Maximum Force. Show No Mercy To Them. Remember How They Torture Your Brothers And Sisters In Abu Ghraib Prison. Definitely No Mercy To Them. I Am Basically A Loving And Romantic Malaysian But When Facing Any Foreign Forces Who Come To Invade My Beloved Country, I Will Automatically Delete The Words "Humanity" And "Mercy" From My Dictionary. I Will Bite Their Ear. I Will Swallow Their Heart. I Will Dig Out Their Eyes. I'll Do It. Joking Aside. I'll Definitely Do It. All In The Name Of Chasing Away Invaders And Defending My Motherland.

"Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss and I love you until the end of time."Christian (Ewan McGregor) Film:Moulin RougeI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Beloved Wife.

"You don't have to live forever. You just have to live.”Narrator Voice(Elisabeth Shue)Film:Tuck EverlastingI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To All Drug Addicts At Chow Kit Road Kuala Lumpur. Nobody Live Forever. Not The Doctor. Not The Gold Medalist In 100 Meter Sprint. Not Even The Healthiest Man. Nobody. And Nobody Expect You The Drug Addict To Live Forever. Unfortunately You Are Also Not Really Live Either. So What Are You Here In This Planet Earth For? You Do Not Die, You Do Not Live. At Least Rubber Tree Is Useful Because It Produces Rubber Latex. At Least Palm Oil Tree Deserves To Live Because It Produces Palm Oil. But What Benefits That You, The Drug Addicts Can Give To Our Country? Hmmm...I Can Be Very Patient With People Who Are Very Stupid But I Cannot Be Patient With People Like You Who Are Very Proud Of Your Stupidity.

"You don't throw away a whole life just because it's banged up a little.”Tom Smith(Chris Cooper)Film:SeabiscuitI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Broken Hearts. The Truth Is Life Is Like A Car. No Matter How Perfect Your Life Is, It's Banged Up A Little From Time To Time. No Matter How Good A Car Is, From Time To Time It Will Experience Punctured Tyre. If It Is Perfectly Guaranteed That The Tyre Will Never Puncture, Then Why On Earth Every Car Has A Spare Tyre Compartment? Excuse Me, Even Ferrari F1 Car Also Need To Rush To The Pit Stop To Change The Tyre. Have You Ever Seen Jenson Button Or Lewis Hamilton Driving Continuously Without Having To Change Tyres At The Pit Stop? Have You?

“Finding out the truth is only half of it. It’s what you do with it that matters.”Zach Taylor(Tristan Wilds) Film:The Secret Life of Bees I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To The Malaysian Anti Corruption Commission (MACC) Officers. So...Have You Ever Read The Auditor General Report Released Recently? Have You? Yes, Finding The Truth Is Just Half Of It. The Other Half Will Not Be Accomplished If You Do Not Do Your Job. There Are So Many Misuse Of Taxpayer's Money Expressly Stated By None Other Than The Auditor General Himself In That Report. It Is Not Rumours. It Is Not Gossips. It Is Not Hearsay. It Is Clearly Manifested In Clear Writing By The Auditor General. It Is 1000 Times Easier For You To Nail Down These Culprits As Compared To Your Investigation Against The Others. All The Wrongdoings Contained In The Auditor General Report Are So Obvious, To The Extent If You Appoint A Degree Holder Gorilla As The Investigator, He Can Build A Strong Case Just Within 13 Minutes. I Am Deadly Serious. 13 Minutes. That's All This Gorilla Needs. Wake Up You Poor Soul. Wake Up From Your Very Long Sleep. Long. Long. Nothing But Long Sleep.

“If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good.”Dalai Lama(Jamyang Jamtsho Wangchuck)Film: Seven Years in TibetI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). Yes, Whether The Problem Can Be Solved Or Not, Being Worry Too Much Will Do No Good At All. Worrying Is Not Considered As A "Family Member" Of Action. Thus It Is Not An Action By Itself Towards Resolving Any Problem. The First Step Towards Resolving Any Problem Is Not By Feeling Worry. Is Not By Crying. Is Not. Is Not At All. But The First Step Towards Resolving Any Problem Is By Admitting There Is A Problem. That's The Right Step Towards Resolving Any Problem. Worry Or No Worry The Problem Is Already There. So Why Worry? Admit There Is A Problem. Then Take Remedial Actions. Why Headache. It's Simple. Really Simple.

“A good shepherd doesn't desert his flock when the wolves are prowling.”Reverend Samuel Sayer(Robert Morley)Film: The African QueenI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). Never. Never. Never In Your Wildest Dream That Ayah Would Ever Desert You When Any Of You In Trouble. Remember What Ayah Always Said: I Will Fight Tooth And Nail For You. I Will Hammer, Chase Away, Shout, Use My Powerful "Majapahit Palace Punch" Or Even Showcase "My Fat Man Unique Flying Back Kick" To Any Human Being, Ghost, Animal, Alien or Robot That Dare To Harm You. No Joke. No "Play-Play". I Will Do. And Do I Will.

"Every morning I still wake up and the first thing I want to do is to see your face."Gerry Kennedy (Gerard Butler)Film:P.S I Love YouI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Beloved Wife.

“What is necessary is never unwise.”Sarek (Ben Cross)Film: Star Trek I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Fellow Malaysians. It Is Necessary To Educate Our Malaysian People That There Is No Such Thing As "Government Money", All Are "Taxpayers Money". Yes, All. Even Government-Linked Company Such As Petronas's Initial Paid Up Capital Was Funded By Taxpayer's Money. Once Malaysian Understands That It Is Indeed Our Hard-Earned Taxpayers Money Being Used To Fund All Kind Of Government Contracts And Projects, Only Then Will They Feel A Deep Sense Of Belonging Upon Reading How Those Taxpayer's Money Is Misused And Robbed By Corrupt Politicians. Hence, It's Extremely Necessary To Educate Malaysians About This "Taxpayers Money" Issue. Only Then Will They Make A Wise Choice When The Time Comes For All Of Us To Go To The Ballot Box!

“I believe one should fight for what one believes, provided one is absolutely sure one is absolutely right.”Mark Thackeray(Sidney Poitier) Film:To Sir With LoveI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To All My "Brothers & Sisters", The Iraqi Freedom Fighters. I Have No Doubt Whatsoever That Your Fight To Eliminate The Illegal Occupying Forces And Foreign Invaders Is Absolutely The Right Thing To Do. Fight Them. Fight Against This New Colonization. These Illegal Occupying Forces Do Not Have Any Moral Right Whatsoever To Ask Why You Keep On Sending Your Suicide Bombers To Get Rid Of Them From Your Homeland. These Invaders Are The Wolf Whom In The Name Of "Regime Change" Invading Other Sovereign Country. They Are The Rapist Who Raped The Freedom Of A Free Nation. Shame On Them! A Wolf Has No Right To Ask Why The Sheep Hates Him So Much. The Rapist Must Not Feel Shocked If The Rape Victim Want to Kill Him By Any Means Necessary! Chase Them Away. Make These Illegal Invaders Know That They Are Not Welcome In Iraq. Not Even As A Tourist!

“It is your duty to change the world, if you can. Not by violence, peacefully, individually, not as a mob.”Mark Thackeray(Sidney Poitier) Film:To Sir With LoveI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Dear Fellow Malaysians Who Want To See A Better Malaysia. By Mere Shouting "We Want Change, We Want Change" Will Not Change Anything. It Will Not. It Will Not Even Move An Inch A Box Of Crocodile Brand Underwear. Instead, Take Action. Contribute Your Time Educating The Voters About Their Rights Through Whatever Tangible Means You Possibly Can. Mobilize, Persuade, Seduce The Voters In Your Area To Attend Your Continuous Briefing Session Exposing Many Wrongdoings Committed By This Government Of The Day. We Will Not Use Force. We Will Not Use Violence Because We Are Not Joey Zasa. We Are Not Moe Greene. We Are Not Don Tattaglia. We Are Not Don Tommasino. We Are Not Don Stracci. We Are Not Luca Brasi And We Are Definitely Not Stupid Fredo. We Are Not Those Mafias. We Are A New Breed Of Young Educated Malaysians Who Despise Corruption And Misuse Of Taxpayer's Money!

“When you light a lamp for someone else, you brighten your own path too.”Minister (Mac McDonald) Film:TranssiberianI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). Remember What Ayah Always Told You; "What Goes Around, Comes Around", Which Simply Means Your Actions, Whether Good or Bad, Will Often Have Consequences For You. If You Do Good Thing To Mr 'A', It Is Not Necessarily That Same Mr 'A' Who Will Return Your Favour. By The Grace Of Allah, You Will Be Surprised To See That Someday, Somewhere, Somehow, Sometime Later Perhaps Mr 'E' Or Mr 'Z' Who Will Return The Same Favour To You. Believe It Or Not It Has Happened To Ayah Many Times. But It Will Be The Same If You Do Wrongdoing To Others Or Even If You Take Other People's Feeling For Granted. Later At Some Point Of Your Life It Will Be Your Turn To Be The Victim And You Will Feel Exactly The Same. So My Children, Please Do Not Forget This. Do Good Things To Others Without Expecting That Same Person To Return The Favour. In Allah We Trust.

The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations.”Stella (Linda Hunt) Film:SilveradoI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Love To Blame Everybody, Everything, Everyone But Themselves For Their Unhappiness & Misery. Look! Shut Your Mouth. Think. Think Carefully. You Reap What You Sow. Everything That Happens To You Is A Result Of Your Own Actions. If You See Your World Full Of Happiness, Then There Is Happiness Everywhere In Your Life. Sadness Or Happiness. Satisfied Or Dissatisfied. Love Or Hate. Like Or Dislike. It's All A Matter Of Perception. A Matter Of Your Personal Opinion. Change The Situation Around You If You Can. But If You Can't Change, Adapt. If You Can't Adapt, Resign. Yes, Resign From The Situation. Resign From Your Job, Or Even Resign From Your Current Way Of Life! Simple Mate. Change, Adapt, Resign. That's Life.

"What is it with you people? You think not getting caught in a lie is the same thing as telling the truth?”Joseph/The Condor(Robert Redford) Film: Three Days of the Condor I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Corrupt Malaysian Politicians. Every time You Involved In A Corrupt Dealing, You Have Actually Lied To Your Oath. You Have Betrayed The People's Trust. You Have Committed The Heinous Crime of Robbing Our Hard-Earned Taxpayers' Money Through Questionable Projects & Corruption. I Wonder How You Can Sleep Peacefully At Night Knowing Fully Well Your Children Flesh & Blood Built & Grown From Corruption Money. Surrender. Confess. Repent Now Or Else May God Curse You, Corrupt Politician!

“If you was to make a real strike, you couldn’t be dragged away. Not even the threat of miserable death would keep you from trying to add ten thousand more. Ten you’d want to get twenty-five, twenty-five you’d want to get fifty, fifty a hundred. Like roulette. One more turn, you know. Always one more.”Howard (Walter Huston) Film: The Treasure of the Sierra MadreI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). Perseverance Is The Key To Your Success Towards Achieving Your Dream. Always Put In Your Mind That Perhaps One More Effort Is All That Needed To Be The The Turning Point For Your Success. That Way You Will Not Retreat, You Will Not Surrender, You Will Not Back Off. Always Whisper To Your Heart "Just One More Try, One More Try", Until You Can See The Light At The End Of The Dark Tunnel!

“I like people who think in terms of ideal conditions.”Leopold Dilg-Joseph(Cary Grant) Film: The Talk of the TownI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Question Why I Am Always Dissatisfied With Most Of The Policy of The Present Malaysian Federal Government. In One Way, Yes I Agree That To Complain Too Much About The Worldly Life Would Make Us Ungrateful Of Blessing Given By The Almighty Allah. But We Must Also Not Forget Our Role As The "Khalifah" (Leader) In This World To Right Whatever Wrongdoings That Are Happening Around Us Through Whatever Means Necessary As Long As The Means Are Not Against Allah's Rules. Yes, There Is A Thin Grey Line Between Complaining Due To Ungratefulness And Complaining Because Of Performing Our Duty As The Allah's Khalifah In This World. But One Thing For Sure Is My "Nawaitu" (Intention) Is Always Correct!

“I used to worry a lot about not being a big success….I've made peace with myself somewhere between my ambitions and my limitations. It’s a step backwards in the right direction.”Capt. Fisby(Glenn Ford)Film: The Teahouse of the August MoonI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Feel Pressured By The "Corporate Rat Race". Life Is Too Short To Feel Worry Too Much About Not Achieving Your Target, Your Ambition, Your Blah...Blah...Blah. Listen To Me, You Professional Slave; It's Very Simple. Just Make The Best Effort That You Possibly Can And Then Pray Hard. After That, Enjoy Your Life. Spend Time With Your Children. Make Love Passionately With Your Wife. The Reality Is You Are The Master Of Your Own Fate And The Captain Of Your Soul. So Act Like A Master. Act Like A Captain. Don't Let Anybody Dare To Force The Master, To Pressure The Captain. Liberate Yourself. Be Your Own Boss Now. Yes, Now!

"Through all of the chaos that is our history. Through all of the wrong and the discord; through all of the pain and the suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage."President (Stanley Anderson)Film:Armageddon I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Think Life Is Full Of Difficulty And Impossible Things. You Need "Courage", Not Just Carrot Or Cabbage. Believe Me With Courage (And Prayer To God) Everything, Yes E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G is possible. With Courage You Can Sell Sand To The Arabs. With Courage You Can Even Persuade Paris Hilton, The Sex-Predator To Be A Nun Or A Female Buddhist Monk Or A Good Muslim Lady Wearing A Veil. Only With Courage!

"Show them no mercy... for you shall receive none!"Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) Film:The Lord of the Rings-The Two TowersI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To All Iraqi Freedom Fighters. Show the Illegal Occupier Soldiers No Mercy Because We All Know If You Are Captured And Sent To Abu Ghraib Prison They Will Show You No Mercy. They Will Sodomize You. They Will Make You Naked. They Will Let Their Dogs Bite You. They Will Torture You Day And Night With No Mercy Because The Truth Is They Are Not Human-Beings. They Are Not Your Saviour. They Are War Mongers. Fight Them Till Your Last Breath. Free Iraq From This Illegal Occupation. Shoot At Them. I Am No Terrorist But In The Name Of Defending Your Pride And Dignity As A Free Nation, Try Your Level Best To Inflict This Invaders The Maximum Injury So That They Can Be Potential Candidates For Their Home Country Paralympics Contingent. Better Still, Pack Them Home In Body Bags. All In The Name Of Protecting Your Country Sovereignty. In The Name Of Defending Your Motherland

"The saddest thing in life is wasted talent."Lorenzo Anello(Robert De Niro) Film: A Bronx Tale I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To All The Drug Addicts At Chow Kit Road, Kuala Lumpur. All Of You Are Wasted Talents. If Not Because Of Your Drug Addiction, Some Of You May Already Have Become Real Doctors Who Administer Injection To Your patients, Not Stupidly Injecting Yourself With Those Drugs. If Not Because Of Your Drug Addiction, Some Of You May Already Have Become Real Scientists Who Use Bunsen Burner (Penunu Bunsen) To Conduct Endless Scientific Experiments In Modern Laboratory Throughout The Country, Not Heating Those Illegal Drugs Over A Bunsen Burner Until It Melts, At The Dirty Back Alley Of Kuala Lumpur. What A Waste Of Talent!

"But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer."Sam (Sean Astin) Film: The Lord of the Rings-The Two TowersI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). As I Have Always Told You, There Is No Big Flood That Lasts Forever. Not Even The Prophet Noah Big Flood. There Is No Tsunami That Ongoing Hitting The Shore Forever. Not Even The Aceh Tsunami. There Is No Hurricane That Attacks New Orleans On Daily Basis. Not Even Hurricane Katrina. In Short, Whatever Difficulty, Whatever Problem, Whatever Hardship That You Will Face Is Just Temporary. Not Forever. Persevere. Fight Back Tooth And Nail. The Rainbow And Sunshine Are There, Waiting For You.

“I just happen to think people are better off doing something they actually like.”Frank Wheeler(Leonardo DiCaprio) Film:Revolutionary RoadI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Are Still Wondering What Kind Of Career Or Business Venture Suits Them The Best. Venture Into Something That You Really Love To Do, Not What Others Instruct You To Do. You Love Travelling? Open Your Own Travel Agency. You Love Kids? Open Your Child Care Centre. You Love To Be Beautiful 24 Hours Per Day Even When You Are In Toilet? Open Your Own Beauty Saloon. You Love Massage And Reflexology? Open Your Halal-Massage Centre. You Love Punching Others? Open Your Boxing Training Centre. You Love Seeing Beautiful Ladies Keep Coming To Your Office? Open A Modelling Agency Firm. You Love Getting Paid For "Bullshitting"? Be A Consultant. You Love Driving, Driving, Nothing But Driving? Be A Taxi Driver!

“Without struggle there is no progress.”Professor Maurice Phipps(Laurence Fishburne) Film:Higher LearningI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Fellow Malaysians Who Think Malaysian Political Landscape Can Be Changed Without Any Struggle. Listen To Me! Abraham Lincoln's Assassination Is The Price To Pay For The Abolition Of Slavery. Malcolm X's Assassination Is The Price To Pay For The Fight Against Racism. Nelson Mandela's 27 Years Imprisonment Is The Price To Pay For The Abolition of Apartheid. Hang Jebat's Death Is The Price To Pay For The Fight Against Blind Loyalty To The Cruel Sultanate. Teoh Beng Hock's Death Is The Price To Pay For A More Transparent Investigation Procedures By The Malaysia Anti Corruption Commission (MACC). Thus, For Every Progress, There Is A Price To Pay. Who Say We Can Progress Without Struggle? Who Say So?

"If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail.”April Wheeler(Kate Winslet) Film: Revolutionary RoadI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). Yes You Can't Fail If You Don't Try At Anything. But This Also Means You Can't Achieve Anything. The Reality Is There Are Always Boys And Girls. Rain And Shine. Black And White. Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt. Romeo And Juliet. Sweet And Sour. Obama And Osama. So It's Absolutely Normal To Have A Possibility Of Either Success Or Failure When You Are Trying At Something. Absolutely Normal. Just Plan Well, Work Smart, Pray Hard And Do It Wholeheartedly. That's The Ingredients To Chase Away "Mr Failure Bin Gagal"

“Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.”Katherine (Lindsay Duncan) Film: Under The Tuscan SunI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote ToThose Broken Hearts. Well...In Order To Repent, We Can Feel Regret For Whatever Things Happened In The Past But Too Much Regrets Is Worse Than Cigarettes. Stop Regretting. A Past Is A Past. Don't Cripple The Present By Drowning In The Ocean Of The Past. No Retreat, No Surrender. No Regret, No Cigarette.Move Forward. Not Move Backward. Think Forward. Forward. No Rewind!

"A man can convince anyone he's someone else but never himself."Roger 'Verbal' Kint(Kevin Spacey) Film:The Usual SuspectsI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Hypocrite Politicians. You Can Say Something To The Malay Community But Then Say Something Else To The Chinese. Or You Can Bluff To The Whole World That You Enter Politics To Fight For The People But Then Misuse Taxpayers Money By Resorting To Your "Under The Table" Practice Or "Underwear Technique" In Securing Government Contracts. But In This Era Of High Technology, Just A Matter Of Time Your Hypocrisy Will Be Exposed. You Will Be Humiliated Like In The Case Of Romeo Chua Soi Lek, The Malaysian Former Health Minister Who Has Practiced Unhealthy Exercise Regime For His Knee By Screwing His Mistress In Katerina Hotel. I Think It's Holier To Be A Hippopotamus Than To Be A Hypocrite!

"There's no point living, if you can't feel alive.”Elektra King(Sophie Marceau)Film: The World Is Not EnoughI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To All The Drug Addicts At Chow Kit Road, Kuala Lumpur. I Know You're Not Really Living, Only Dreaming. Dreaming You Are In Heaven. Dreaming You Are Experiencing Orgasm Every Single Second, Every Single Minute 24 Hours A Day. In Short, You Can't Feel Alive In The Real World. Thus, You Are A Burden To Your Parents. You Are A Burden To Your Spouse. You Are A Burden To Malaysian Taxpayers. You Are A Burden To Malaysia. Hence, Please Get Rid Of Your Bad Habit Or Please Die. Either Way, We The Taxpayers Feel Nothing But Happy And Relieved!

"A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.¨Conrad Brean (Robert De Niro)Film:Wag the DogI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Love And Adore Procrastination Dearly. Don't Wait For Perfection Before Doing Something. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Economy. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Man (Except The Prophet). There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Lady. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Body. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Breast. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Weather. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Product. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Partner. There Is No Such Thing As Perfect Market. So What Are You Waiting For, Fredo? Do It And Do It Now. 1, 2 , 3 Go!

“I’ve lived for a very long time and the one thing I learned – fate doesn’t decide everything. People get to choose.”Mary Embrey(Charlize Theron)Film: HancockI Khairul Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Have Got Very Poor Judgment When Making Their Choice. It Is Your Choice That Decides What You Eat Today. It Is Your Choice That Decides Whom You Get Married To. It Is Your Choice That Decides Who Your Prime Minister Is. It Is Your Choice That Decides Whether You're Wearing An Armani Underwear Or "No Money" Underwear Today. Every Single Thing...Eventually Depends Upon The Wisdom Of Your Ultimate Choice. Indeed.

“You’re one person against the world unless you have someone. Then it’s only half as hard. At least you’re two against the world.”Mary Jones(Jean Arthur)Film:The Devil and Miss Jones I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). We Are One United "Khairul Hisham" Family. We Will Never Go Against The Family Whether In Public Or In Private. If In The Name Of Protecting Our Family For Whatever Reason We Have To Go Against The Whole Malaysia, So Be It. But Whatever It Is, We Will Never Betray Our Own Family. Never. Remember That.

“I always have a wonderful time, wherever I am, whoever I’m with.”Elwood Dowd (James Stewart)Film:HarveyI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Wonder Why I Always On The Move All Over Places On This Planet Earth. The Truth Is I Do Not Believe There Is 'Permanent Stupidity'. For Me, Learning Or Discovering Something New Whether New Knowledge, New Friends, Or New Opportunity Is Extremely Enjoyable. Anything New Is Like A 'Virgin-Thing' To Me. No Man On Planet Earth Can Forget What Madonna Said: "Like A Virgin. Touched For The Very First Time!"

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times when one only remembers to turn on the light.”Albus Dumbledore(Michael Gambon)Film:Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Feel That Everything That They Did Had Gone Wrong, Everything That They Did Ended Up In Failure & Everything That They Did Was Destined To Go Into The Dustbin Of History. Whether There Is Light At The End Of Tunnel Or Not Actually Depend On Your Own Attitude. The Moment You Decide To "Turn On The Light" Through Your Self Confidence And Self Belief, The Darkness Will Slowly Disappear, And Will Slowly Go...Yes It Will.

"Alone, you are mighty. Together, you are legends."TaglineFilm:X-Men LegendsI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Fellow Malaysians Who Still Refuse To Contribute Any Effort Towards Making A Better Malaysia. Come On! Don't Just Hope For The Better But Doing Nothing Except Picking Your Ugly Malaysian Nose. Trust Me, You Will Not Be A Legend By Picking Your Nose! Nobody Will. Even Gorillas Who Are Picking Their Big Nose On Daily Basis In The Jungle Of Zimbabwe For The Past 100 Years Have Never Become A Legend. Never

"Don't go back to the library. Go out."Evelyn 'E.M' Ashford (Eileen Atkins)Film:WitI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To To All The "Theory Man" In Muslim Organizations. The Society Will Not Change For The Better Just Because You Organize Endless Seminars After Seminars On Islam In A Comfortable Hotel Seminar Room. Don't You Know While You're Drown In The Deepest Ocean Of Theory, At The Very Same Time The Christian Missionaries Go Out To The Most Remote Jungle Preaching Their Religious Belief With All Their Love And Passion And Render Whatever Help They Can To Whatever Tribes That Meet In That Thick Jungle? Don't You Know While You Are In Deep Discussion As To Why Some Teenagers Convert To Christianity, Some Catholic Priest That I Know Of, Display Their True Caring Attitude By Going Out On The Street Genuinely Asking Teenagers That They Meet With: "How Can I Help You Today, My Son?". Don't You See The Stark Contrast? And Allow Me To Ask This Question: Do You Still Want To Solve Problems By Organizing Endless Seminars, Without Going Out On The Field, Do You?

“Make of our hands one hand. Make of our hearts one heart. Make of our vows one last vow. Only death will part us now.”Tony (Richard Beymer) Film:West Side StoryI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Beloved Wife

"I don't want to survive, I want to live!"Captain McCrea (Jeff Garlin)Film:Wall-EI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Ask Me To Be Grateful To This Malaysian Government. Yes, I Can Foresee Those Who Have Got "Just To Survive" Mentality Would Be Easily Influenced By The Mere Rhetoric That "As Long As We Have Enough Food On The Table And Peaceful Living Without Anarchy We Should Vote This Government Forever". How Naive Their Definition Of "Life" Is. For Me That Is The Mentality Of A Slave. Not A Freeman's Mentality. A Freeman Always Strive For Universal Fairness. A Freeman Always Fight Against Any Form Of Discrimination And A Freeman Always Despise Any Form of Corruption. Let It Be known That I Was Born Not To Survive, But To Live, Really Live, Because I Am A Freeman And Freeman I Am.

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.”Gordon Deitrich(Stephen Fry)Film:V For Vendetta I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Malaysian UMNO Party Politicians Who Claim They Really Fight For The Malays. The Truth Is This "Malay Supremacy" Mask Has Been Worn By Them For The Past 52 Years Just To Secure Votes From The Malays In Every 12 General Elections. However, No Mask Can Hide Their True Faces When They Make Use Their Political Position For Their Crony To Get Government Projects That They Do Not Deserve To Get. No Mask Can Hide Their True Faces When They Re-Sell The Taxi Permits Granted To Them, To The Greedy Towkay. No Mask Can Hide Their True Faces When They Trade-In The AP Permit Awarded To Them, With RM40,000 Per AP Just To Earn Fast Money. And No Mask Can Hide Their True Faces When They Without Shame "Auctioning" The Government Contracts Entrusted To Them, To The Rich Towkay Who Don't Deserve It. If You Think By Wearing This "Malay Struggle" Mask The Malays Will Forever See You As Their Superhero Batman, Superman And Spiderman Who Are Always Wearing Mask, You Are Indeed Wrong. Not Anymore. Not Anymore, You Robber Of Taxpayers' Money!

“Like Icarus we too have been given gifts - knowledge, education, experience. And with these gifts comes the responsibility of choice. We alone decide how our talents are bestowed upon the world."Todd Bowden(Brad Renfro)Film:Apt Pupil I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Dear Fellow Malaysians. Remember...You Are Gifted By God With Knowledge, Education And Experience Not For Nothing. Whether You Like It Or Not You Have The Responsibility Of Choice. So Be Responsible With Your Choice. Please Choose Transparency Over Corruption. Choose Fair-Hearing Over Detention Without Trial. Choose Honesty Over Misuse Of Taxpayers' Money. Choose Open Tender Over Cronyism. Choose Halal Source Of Income Over Haram Source Of Income. Choose Good Over Evil. Let's Translate This Choice In The Form Of Your Vote In The Next General Election. The Choice Is Yours And Yours Only.

“Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy.”Robert Spritzel(Michael Caine)Film: The Weather ManI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). It Is Not Wrong To Say Normally, Everything That Is Meaningful, Good And Right, We Have To Fight For It Because It Simply Does Not Come Easy To You. That's Why We Hear People Say "Fighting For Justice" Or We Hear People Are Called "Freedom Fighter". In Order To Get "Justice" Or "Freedom" They Have To Fight For It. All Are "Fight", "Fight", "Fight". If It Is So Easy To Get, We Don't Use The Word "Fight". The Same Reason Nobody Will Ever Call The Drug Addict At Chow Kit Road As "Drug Fighter"!

"It's easy to know what you’re against, quite an honor to know what you are for.”Damien (Cillian Murphy) Film:The Wind That Shakes the BarleyI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Islamic Party Of Malaysia (PAS) Youth Movement. The Truth Is It's So Easy To Shout That You Are "Against This" Or You Are "Against That". You Do Not Need To Be A Genius To Shout To The Whole World That You Are Against Beyonce Knowles Concert In Kuala Lumpur. Anybody Can Shout This Kind Of Disagreement, As Long As They Have Tongue And Lips. However, To Translate What You Are For, In The Form Of An Alternative Entertainment That Is Not Against The Islamic Principle, You Obviously Need To Use Your Creative Brain. So Please Use Your Creative Brain To Propose Alternative Entertainment That You Can Offer To This Young Generation Of Malaysia? Don't Just Say "This Cannot Do" Or "That Cannot Do" Without Proposing Any Alternative. It's High Time For You To Show To These Young Generation That Islam Is Indeed "Syumul" And A "Complete Way Of Life". Do It. And Do It Now. I'll Be Watching You.

"You wanna know what the problem is? You're the problem. Here you are pretending you care, pretending you wanna help, when all you ever care about is being popular. You and your hot-shot friends don't take jobs like this because you are great humanitarians. It's just another notch in your gun belt."Angela Delvecchio(Kellie Martin)Film:A Friend To Die ForI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To The UMNO Ketua Bahagian (Division Head) Whom In Their Mind Are Always Thinking What Else To Grab For Them And Their Family. Just Show Me One UMNO Ketua Bahagian Who Is Very Rich Because Of Their Own Effort In Business, Without Getting Some Government Contracts Or Projects Here And There, Including Through Their Proxy. Just One. Don't Show Me Jaswant Singh. But Show Me Just One Umno Ketua Bahagian Who Is Rich Through Their Own Marketing Effort, Through Their Own Genuine Sales Activity. No Wonder My Good Friend Jaswant Singh Instantaneously Agreed With Me When I Told Him That The Words Like "Sales Prospecting", "Focusing On Customer Needs", "Handling Customers Objections", "Sales Closing Techniques" Are All Big Words For These UMNO Ketua Bahagian, For What They All Know Are "Political Cable","Orang Dalam", "Pengeras", "Crony". These UMNO Ketua Bahagian Always Think Since They Are The 'Ketua Bahagian", They Deserve To Get Their "Bahagian" (Portion). Nevermind Its Tantamount To Misusing Taxpayers Money. Nevermind The Income Derived From This Corruption Is Sinful, Dirty And Absolutely Haram Income. Nevermind Their Children Flesh & Blood Built & Grown From Corruption Money. How Pathetic.

“The only thing important is where somebody’s going.”John Dillinger(Johnny Depp)Film:Public Enemies I (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To Those Who Are Still Failed To Achieve Their Dream. The Most Important Thing Is Not Where We Stand Now. On The Other Hand, Nothing Is More Crucial Than Determining In What Direction We Are Moving To. You Can Dream To Be In Rio De Janeiro But If You Are Still Bragging On The Mere Fact That You Are Now In Air Baloi Town Or You Are Only Proud Of Standing At Victoria Station London Without Moving Towards Rio De Janeiro, You Will Never Reach Rio De Janeiro. Never. Not In A Million Years. Or If You Are Moving Towards The Direction Of Zimbabwe, Chances Are You Will Also Not Reach Rio De Janeiro. Again, Allow Me To Stress It's Not Important Where We Are Now. Its The Direction That We Are Moving To That Really Matters. Simple.

“Fear is not what's important, it's how you deal with it. It would be like asking a marathon runner if they feel pain. It's not a matter of whether you feel it, it's how you manage it.”Photographer(James Nachtwey)Film:War PhotographerI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Son (Mahathir Khatami) & My Daughters (Intan Nur Farhana & Intan Nur Qistina). Throughout Your Long Life Journey, You Will Face Different Kind Of Fear. Some Are Artificial. Some Are Created To Stop You From Pursuing Your Dream. But Some Are Legitimate Fear And Contain The Elements Of Truth In It Like Fear Of Failing The Exams, Fear Of Loosing Money In The Business Venture Or Fear Of What Others Said About You. Whatever. But Remember What I Always Told You: Whisper Gently To Your Inner Heart To Throw Away Any Fear To Face The 'Fear" Because In Life It's Not Important Whether You Feel This "Fear" Or Not, It's How You Manage This Fear That Determine Your Future. We Do Not Need To Participate In "Fear Factor" TV Reality Show To Be The Captain Of Our Fear. Conquer Your Fear, Manage Your Fear Well, Only Then The World Will Be Under Your Feet!

"It's a choice that each of us must face; to remain ordinary, pathetic, beat-down, coasting through a miserable existence, like sheep herded by fate, or you can take control of your own destiny and join us, releasing the caged wolf you have inside."Sloan (Morgan Freeman)Film:WantedI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To My Fellow Malaysians. The Future Of Malaysia Is In Our Hands. The Choice Is Also Yours. We Can Choose To Be Treated By This Present Government Like Sheep Herded By Fate. Or Better Still We Can Choose To Release The Tiger Or The Dragon, Or The Wolf, Whatever, That We Have Inside Ourselves To Fight For A Better Malaysia. Use Your Vote To Vote Out Those Corrupt Leaders In The Government. Exercise Your Freedom Of Expression. Shout To The Government That We Will Never Condone Detention Without Trial Under Internal Security Act (ISA). Help Me To Educate The Villagers That There Is No Such Thing As "Government Money", Only "Taxpayers Money" So That they Will Be More Sensitive With The Rampant Misuse Of Taxpayers Money In Malaysia. The Choice Is Yours!

“We can’t retract the decisions we’ve made, we can only affect the decisions we’re going to make from here.”Nick Rice(Jamie Foxx)Film:Law Abiding CitizenI (Khairul) Dedicate This Quote To To Those Broken Hearts. Whatever Happened Has Happened. Let Bygones Be Bygones. Whatever Decision We Made, We Bear The Consequences. There Are Thousands More Decisions To Be Made Waiting For Us Throughout Our Life Journey. We Are The Jury Of Our Own Decision. We Are Indeed The Ultimate Judge Of Our Own Decision. Not Bill Gates. Not Bill Clinton. Not Osama. Not Obama. Not Hamid Karzai. Not Hamid Gurkha. We Are.

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BYE FOR NOW MY DEAR BLOG-READERS...HAVE A GREAT DAY! INSYA-ALLAH TODAY WILL BE A BETTER DAY THAN YESTERDAY! THIS WEEK WILL BE A MUCH BETTER WEEK THAN LAST WEEK! AND THIS YEAR WILL DEFINITELY BE A BETTER YEAR FOR YOU AND ME THAN LAST YEAR! OH YES! AMEN...TAKE CARE. LOVE FROM KHAIRUL HISHAM HASSAN.