Quotes from ‘The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization’

When Sheldon and Leonard are asked to present their work at a physics conference, Sheldon unilaterally decides not to. Leonard and Sheldon feud when Leonard decides to present their work alone in spite of Sheldon's objections. Penny's attempts at reconciling the pair only make matters worse.

Howard: The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv.Sheldon: You may want to put on slacks.Penny: What? Eww! Stop it! No! Leave me alone.Leonard:Who's running the red Corvette?Howard: That would be me!

Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?Sheldon: Well, there's always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam's Razor would suggest that someone threw it out.

Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned: "Me and My Girlfriend"?Howard: Uh oh, here comes "The Talk"!
*Penny tries to blow up Howard's head.*

Howard: Gentlemen, I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local ISP racing down fiber optic cable at the of light to San Francisco bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal, where the data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables terminating in Halifax, Nova Scotia and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our ISP and the external receiver attached to this...lamp.

Leonard: Are there any other honors that I've gotten that I don't know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?Sheldon: Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassles on flying carpets.

Penny: What is this?Leonard: Oh, careful. That's my original series Battlestar Galactica flight suit.Penny: Oh, why didn't you wear it on Halloween?Leonard: Because it's not a costume, it's a flight suit.

Leonard: A joke. Okay. How about this, um, okay, uh there's this farmer, and he has these chickens, but they won't lay any eggs. So, he calls a physicist to help. The physicist then does some calculations, and he says, um, I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens in a vacuum.

Leonard: Okay, I'm going ask you one more time. We did the work together, let's present the paper together.Sheldon: And I'm telling you for the last time, it's pandering, it's undignified, and bite me.

Leonard: Kandor was the Capital city of the planet, Krypton. It was miniaturized by Brainiac before Krypton exploded and then rescued by Superman.Penny: Oh, nice!Leonard: It's a lot cooler when girls aren't looking at it.

Sheldon: If I'm not taking credit for our work, then nobody is!Leonard: So, you admit that it's our work!Sheldon: No, once again I'm throwing you a bone. And once again, you are welcome.Howard: Oh no he didn't!