That’s right, your lords and masters GWAR announced today that all humans who show up at this year’s GWAR-B-Q are guaranteed an orgasm. Of course, for most of you this will amount to a pathetic dribble in your already stained underpants as you die at the hands of GWAR, but all sales are final!

This year’s GWAR B-Q is a three day celebration of all things GWAR marking the band’s 30th year with a weekend long Birthday Bash on August 14th, 15th and 16th. As in years past, GWAR-B-Q is more than a rock concert, think of it as a field day of hatred and death, with a full program of special events and attractions designed to lure humans to their deaths.

This year will see the return of the “Spew-O-Lympics”, a semi-aquatic-flail-fest of despair! Wanna-be contestants are required to submit a short essay on why they feel they should be considered to participate in this hallowed event. Longer than 200 words ensures immediate disqualification (and dismemberment). The band themselves will read these essays while taking a dump, and judge the top selections. Find out how to enter at https://www.facebook.com/SpewOlympics. The winner goes home with a Blakhart BKT6FR guitar!!

Also returning this year is the GWAR-B-Q,Rolling Wheels of DeathSkate Park. In an effort to bump up the number of life altering casualties, GWAR has added a second half pipe that is 6’ tall and 12’ wide with a 7’ transition.Remember you must be 18 to enter the park and will have to sign a waiver to be able to participate.

The insane freaks from the FBM Bike Co. will also be back again with multiple bike ramps to propel hapless Bohabs high into the air, just to come crashing down into the inky depths of Hadad’s Lake.

Prepare to visit the “Crypt of Chaos”, the GWAR-themed horror experience! Combining Slave Pit’s demented artistry and the pedigree of Tim Bunch’s House of Horrors. This will be one of the sickest, most terrifying experiences of your brief and miserable life. Once inside, you will beg for release, and if you are lucky enough to survive, you will emerge a bloody, broken shell of your former self. Enter at your own risk!

Also, for the first time in its sordid history, the 6th annual GWAR B-Q will host a GWARRIOR Costume Contest! We all know GWAR doesn’t wear costumes, but they encourage you to show up to the event wearing the most outrageous and deranged costume you can come up with for the chance to win a variety of excellent prizes including a BKT6FR GUITAR from BLAKHART, tons of SWAG from MONSTER and a GWAR B-Q skate deck. The winner will also be presented live on stage in front of the festival crowd. The contest takes place on the Scumdog Stage and will be judged by Tony Foresta of local thrash metal masters, Municipal Waste. More info will be announced soon in the events section at www.gwarbq.com.

The Ultimate Bohab Guide has everything you need to know about celebrating GWAR’s 30th Birthday Bash weekend. From where to shit, where to eat and where to stay, The Ultimate Bohab Guide has it all.If you have a question about the weekend’s festivities, even if it’s a stupid one (which it probably is), this guide will have the answers.What kind of food is there? Check The Ultimate Bohab Guide!What kind of beer is there?Check The Ultimate Bohab Guide!Will I get laid at the GWAR B-Q!Check The Ultimate Bohab Guide (although the answer is probably No.)Will I have the best drunken weekend ever celebrating the 30th Birthday of the Eternal Masters GWAR?Fuck yes you will!But check The Ultimate Bohab Guide just to make sure!View The Ultimate Bohab GuideHERE.See you at the Q!

Presented once again by Slave Pit Inc. and sponsored by Ring Dog Rescue, GWAR is piling up the fun like bodies on a heap. Their 30th birthday bash will be the best thing to happen on earth since the wheel. The biggest and baddest event of this or any summer is drawing closer and Bohabs across the world are making plans to descend upon beautiful Richmond, Virginia for The 6th Annual GWAR B-Q! What was once a one day festival has mutated into a three day extravaganza and grown to a size barely recognizable from its previous iterations – now sporting eight heads and functioning male and female naughty bits.

Check out the brand new commercial that details the entire weekend’s events!

The pre-party kick off starts Friday August 14th with the B4BQ. The B4BQ takes places at The National in Richmond, VA and features a full day of the best face melting head banging metal bands around anywhere, including the entire Summer Slaughter Tour Lineup, Fear Factory and Coal Chamber! Doors at 2:00pm. Tickets for the show are available for purchase HERE.

The main event, the GWAR B-Q, showcasing punk and heavy metal royalty, takes place at Hadad’s Water Park on Saturday August 15th. Advance tickets are available now:

And the Saturday fun doesn’t end. Once GWAR B-Q security catapults you off Hadad’s premises, more drunken depravity awaits at the GWafter Party held at Hardywood Park Craft Brewery. Indulge in some of Richmond’s best locally brewed beer and listen as the Creep-A-Zoids, Today’s the Day, and if you’re lucky, Occultist provide that night’s soundtrack to your miserable life’s existence.

And lastly, drench your hangover on Sunday, August 17th with more sauces and libations as GWAR throws a thank-you bash with the inaugural BRUTAL BRUNCH in Abner Clay Park. Experience the best of intergalactic cuisine right across the street at the new GWARbar located in Richmond’s flourishing art district, Jackson Ward. It all reeks with the class of a morning after pill…er, chill. Morning after chill.
Of course this astounding weekend and the GWAR B-Q itself, could not take place without the following amazing sponsors… all open-minded entities brave enough to support your Lords and Masters, GWAR, who have graciously decided to allow them all to live:

Ring Dog Rescue: GWAR B-Q’s Keystone Sponsor: Ring Dog Rescue is a rescue group dedicated to the “Pit Bull type dogs”, which is defined as any dog having bulldog lineage. They are a 501 (c) 3 nonprofit organization. Visit http://ringdogrescue.org Ring Dog Rescue to see a current listing of adoptable pit bulls from our own rescue as well as other rescue friends and those who have opened their door to an orphaned pit bull in private rescues.

Pabst Blue Ribbon-Sponsoring the Scumdog Stage: Home of GWAR. Pabst Blue Ribbon has long been the unofficial drink of punk rock in Richmond, Virginia. Numerous fancy pants beer companies spend their money on multi-million dollar advertising campaigns, but PBR is about putting out a good product and bringing true value to consumers. In their own words: “We want to be there when you’re having fun, which is why PBR believes in supporting the communities that support us. Our distinction as the fastest growing American lager in the country tells us we’ve found a pretty good recipe.”

Cigar City Brewery: A specialty batch of Oderus Ale is being brewed exclusively for the 6th
annual GWAR B-Q by Cigar City Brewing from Tampa FL. Food, Fun, Babes, Sun. Life’s not like that. Oderus Ale, when life gets a little too real.

Monster Energy Drink: The Official Energy Drink of GWAR. Kill! Kill! Kill!!! They have their own stage too… not coincidentally known as the Slaughterama Stage!

Mt. Baker Vapor: Home of the Official E-Cigarette “GWAR Fluids” and MVP Wraps.

bBd’s: Beer, Burgers, Desserts imported all the way from Long Island, New York!

IndieMerch: An industry-leading merchandising company for bands and brands with some of the most advanced manufacturing capabilities and distribution.

Jak Prints: Jakprints is your friend in the print industry with high-quality, affordable, eco-friendly products in Full Color Printing; Label and Sticker Printing; Embroidery and Apparel Printing; and Large Format or Banner Printing.

Blakhart Guitars: Raising the most brutal family in music! The only guitars Pustulus plays!

Tatuaje Cigars: Makers of the CiGWAR and the finest handcrafted tobaccos manufactured at the El Rey de los Habanos factory in Miami, Florida, and at Tabacalera Cubana S. A. (TACUBA) in Estelí, Nicaragua.

Havana Connections: Virginia’s number one tobacconist. With five locations, they offer the largest assortment of puros and are the exclusive seller of the CiGWAR. Be on the look out for CiGWAR No. 2 to be released at the 2015 GWAR B-Q.

We are now a little less than two months away from GWAR B-Q 2015. GWAR’s 30th birthday bash is shaping up to be the most insane party of the summer! VIP Tickets for the event are Almost Sold Out! There is still time Bohabs!So, what are you waiting for? Word in Antarctica is that Phil Anselmo, one of the only humans brutal enough to hang with GWAR, will be on hand for an exclusive celebrity signing for VIP ticket holders ONLY!! Phil will be joined by a lavish list of other artists appearing at the VIP Meet & Meat such as, Clutch, Cro-Mags, Ghoul, Goatwhore and many more. But that’s not all, in addition to the numerous other benefits, VIP’s will also enjoy exclusive indoor bathrooms in which to void their hideous waste. Why poop with the plebes in the port-a-potties when you have the cash to assure your turds a place at the top of the pile? And if escaping the chemical toilets isn’t enough, VIP’s will also have a refuge from the sun and chaos while enjoying the shade from their very own private VIP Pavilion!

Always one for charity, GWAR’s manager, Sleazy P. Martini has further sweetened the pot by adding the Express Band; a special wristband that grants access to Express Lanes throughout the festival, providing shorter lines everywhere from the entrance gates to the merch booth, and lines for beer tickets and port-o-potties.

“That’s right Bohabs, now you you can experience for one day the awesomeness that is my entire life. You’re welcome.”

To make sure things run smoothly, numerous staff will be in place to monitor lines at all event booth locations including the entrance gate, merchandise, beer sales and port-o-potties. Express Bands are included in the VIP and Deluxe Ticket packages, and this is retroactive, so if you have already purchased a ticket package, you will still get your wristband at the festival. VIP ticket holders will already have all of their credentials prior to the event for the easiest of access. Deluxe ticket holders and Express Band purchasers will pick up their Express Bands at the gate through the express lane. VIP swag bag and Deluxe official GWAR B-Q event t-shirt will be picked up at the Merchandise booth. Express Bands can also be purchased à la carte online ($19) at gwarbq.com/buy-tickets or at the door on the day of the festival ($25). All sales are subject to availability. In order to keep lines short, a limited number of these express wristbands will be available, so get them while they’re hot! Don’t miss out on all of the killer benefits and new additions. Get your Express Wristband and Tickets HERE.

But despair not intrepid Bohab! Even if you can’t afford the upgrades, there are several changes this year that will ensure the event runs smooth as a porn star’s pussy. Lines will be more manageable thanks to the addition of Cash Lanes at all event booths, including entrance gates, merchandise and beer ticket sales. As in years past, it will be hot as fuck at the GWAR B-Q, and when it is hot as fuck people want to keep cool and stay hydrated. This year GWAR B-Q will be providing plenty of FREE GWATER for everyone in attendance. Of course, the main concern of most booze addled Bohabs is ready access to gallons and gallons of BEER! Thanks to our friends at Pabst Blue Ribbon and Loveland distributors there will be 3 Beer Trucks on site and 4 GWAR Beer Kiosks selling the cherished nector of the gods, Oderus Ale, brewed by Cigar City. So rest assured Bohabs…WE WILL NOT RUN OUT OF BEER! And finally, where oh where will you piss it all away? No less than 50 portable crappers at this years event are guaranteed to cut down the number of drunken idiots waiting cross-legged to empty their beer bloated bladders. All this is to say; GWAR-B-Q 2015 will be bigger, better and wetter than ever!

As an added bonus, we’ve created The Ultimate Bohab Guide to all things GWAR B-Q. This all-encompassing checklist and guide will ensure every Bohab’s maximum pleasure while attending the legendary GWAR B-Q. Answers to any and all of your questions can be found at gwarbq.com. All Habs should pay particular attention to the handy FAQ page.