going through the motions, and then deciding not to go through the motions...

revenge. may 30th.

i spent my day in a little sweet safe haven known as my-your.

luckily kit invited me over. i was on my way to her place when ever called to say we could just talk instead of meeting up.

of course, i was confused by this. i had texted him, asking if he had the info regarding the leases. because i wanted to get to the point and make it fast.

the main point of our meeting was to go over the leases for his roommate tenants and to discuss a mediator.

what he cared to share with me, for twenty minutes, while i walked to kit's and smoked a couple cigarettes was the following:

because i left the house, after 60 days, he no longer needs to include me in anything. it's his to deal with.

without using the word abandonment, that's what he was getting at.

and because he's there taking care of it and managing it, he doesn't feel that he owes me anything.

and because i left, he is only going to buy me out of my half of the house, as it is valued when i left.

which he obviously doesn't know. it was appraised a year ago.

and the kicker:

the rent checks are made out to his business. so it will count as income for him to qualify later to buy me out of it.

as for the legalities of these things, i don't know.

as for my rights, i don't know.

but i was shaking. i was so pissed.

i was really relieved to not have to see him in person.

he can't have all of these things.

he won't get them.

i have given him enough. isn't that the point? i'm done with the giving.

he has friends who are lawyers, apparently. like i have friends who are accountants. if he wants to split hairs with me about how much of the house i am entitled to, i'll fucking take him for every cent i ever let him borrow in my name. i'll show the paper trail of credit card receipts and our account statements that show the way we lived from my paycheck to my next paycheck for the majority of our seven years together.

i'll come and take all the equipment in my name on my credit card that is still on my name on my credit card.

and if he wants to be a dick and go this route, i'll put the bitch on the market faster than he can say appraisal. and watch him scramble to pull together money to try to pay for his legal fees.

i hate that he brings the worst out of me.

it's funny. just like our marriage, i explain shit to him repeatedly. and i don't know how, but he cannot wrap his head around it.

what he cannot understand despite my explaining is that he doesn't have to just come up with my half of the house money. and he won't just have to come up with the half that it is appraised at now.

before he goes adding value to it by painting and adding the deck and whatever other fucking ideas he has, he should realize that it's just going to make it harder for him to come up with the money to qualify for it later.

but it's not my place to tell him that. that's why he has a legal team. i'm kindof shocked he's putting so much into the house when he's going to be walking away from it defeated anyway.

i was fuming. i wrote this scathing letter to him. it's like five pages long in word. it was a writing exercise gone awry.

i mean, it's getting filed under the 'letters i'll never send' tag, but it felt good to write it.

kit had the perfect breakup soundtrack playing all day. i don't know how i didn't cry.

then we had falafel and later we had a beer and even later we had coconut cake.

if i'd been here at my place all day, i don't know what i'd have done.

my usual post-ever routine is: come home, freak out, call someone in my family, cry, write him a letter, and then feel better about the time the sun sets.

i tossed that all out the window today. i felt kindof dazed.

i told him that he can't collect rent, and have me stay on the mortgage without signing the lease, and paying me to stay on it as a rental property. that was not the agreement.

to think about how to proceed in light of that.

and reminded him that he had said $500 a month before.

which i don't think is fair necessarily. but i guess that is half.

oh, and he tried to make it so that he's looking out for me again. and said that he's not trying to be a shyster. that if i'm not on the lease and something happens to the house, that i wouldn't be responsible. that i could claim ignorance.