Every parent needs a break from time to time—a few minutes to prepare dinner, do the laundry or quickly check e-mail. That's when the television suddenly becomes the best invention ever—an instant free babysitter that enthralls even the youngest infants and might, fingers crossed, even teach them a thing or two. But a new policy statement published today by the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that not only do children under age two probably learn nothing from the television, but that watching too much can actually delay language development and cause attentional problems...

I wonder what they mean, exactly, by "delay language development?" I was certainly watching television from before the age of two, and I did have a horrible speech impediment. However, I started speaking on schedule (it might actually have been a bit early), and am now quite adept at the use of the English language. As for attention problems...I'll give 'em that one.