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Yum Yums

Does anyone know what the H in “Jesus H Christ” means?? I feel obliged to find out because rightly or wrongly it’s my favourite profanity at the moment. I feel at moments of extreme exasperation and despair that this phrase delivers just the right amount of emotion and release of tension. It feels good on my tongue and I can inflect all sorts of differing inferences with it depending on the FFS situation at hand. It’s almost genius when coupled with a dramatic eye roll. Think Saffy from AbFab but not so square.

I do take care to mutter it under my breath when the children are in earshot but due to the kids being the usual source of my emotional frustration it is only a matter of time before I am found out. So I thought at least I should be fully knowledgeable about the said phrase particularly as my children go to the local village C of E school and my daughter strongly feels that Jesus is her absolute best friend and saviour of us all (even me) ……. It does appear however that no other B.gger knows either, not even Google. I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse about using it. I am slightly concerned that someone very ancient and high up in holiness is rolling in their grave if I cannot be sure of exactly what I am banding about willy nilly.

I must confess that I am most enthusiastic about comedy swearing too. I really find that a well-timed swear word can be most humourous and take the sting out of many charged situations. Infact I find it’s stress reducing qualities akin to yoga. A well timed “F.ck!” can be euphoric. I can’t get enough of those swearing emojis either….so easy to be outrageously offensive…who knew? I also get a surprising amount of pleasure out of using swear words and phrases as terms of endearment, obviously not with the children (not to their faces anyway) but with other grown ups of the same persuasion (sweary people). My favourite boy one is Kn.bhead and my fave girl one is B.tch or B.tches. So not too profane or offensive, a cuddly, colloquial swear word goes a long way in my world…….. Unfortunately I have a penchant for hard core swearing too. I am mostly undercover with it, a guilty secret only shared with a choice few but I would find it hard to desist. The stronger the swear word the more I bloody loves it. I belong on the railway……

So consequently, much like a friendly cuppa, I seek to use a literal litany of profanities in most of my general day-to-day life. It brings a skip to my step and a twinkle to my cloudy eye and by Christ I need it at the mo….My children are driving me battttttttttttty. Currently whenever they are together they are either attempting to fight each other to the death or psychotically obsessed to ensure that no item belonging to them or ever having belonged to them is touched by the other and if, god forbid, any of the previously or currently owned items is found in the other child’s bedroom/ territory then a screaming battle ensues that would give even an experienced FBI negotiator a big b.stard headache…….With an extraordinary amount of spittle flying and deeply flushed murderous faces I fear for my own life never mind theirs. Gee Whizzle it’s a scary place to be. It starts from their very waking moment and lasts until their little venomous heads hit the pillow. They can’t even clean their teeth together without supervision and a taser….. I simply have one choice it seems to me…..join the madness and scream like a banshee along with them or swear profusely under my breath constantly…another form of parental Tourettes……

I have been longing to make these Yum Yums for ages. Such a simple thing but so irresistibly delicious.I find that the main problem for me with this recipe is that one is NEVER enough. So BEWARE they are Clucking gorgeous.

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Yum Yums

These babies are so delicious,so moreish that they should come with a Beware sticker! They are so light and crispy they really don't touch the sides.That said every once in a while these should have pride of place on your table. They will ALWAYS go down a storm. This is a recipe for Danish pastry so feel free to go ahead and make the more traditional pastries with it.

Pour the water and milk into a jug and add the egg. Whisk together. Put the flour, yeast, sugar and salt into the bowl of the food processor and whizz once to mix. Then add the cold butter and whizz briefly to just cut up the chunks a tiny bit.

Tip the mixture out into a big bowl and then pour in the liquid contents of the jug. Mix to combine to a pebbly with butter mix. Don't overdo the mixing. It will look like a sticky mess.

Cover with clingfilm and leave in the fridge overnight. I am advised that it can sit like this for a couple of days. Imagine that!

When ready to rock and roll, take it out of the fridge and leave it to come back up to room temperature. About an hour depending on the warmth of your kitchen. Then roll out to a roughly 20 cm square.

Now fold the square twice.Once the top a third down and then the bottom up to meet it, like a letter. Then turn it so that the long edge is to your left.

Then roll it out again to a 20 cm square and repeat the whole process 3 more times. I ended up with more of a rectangle but I didn't sweat it too much.

Wrap in clingfilm and put back in the fridge for a further 30 minutes to rest.

Roll out once more to a rough square about 1 cm thick.

Using a pizza cutter cut out ten strips and then cut a line down the middle leaving about 2.5 cm of dough at each end.

Twist each strip and place on an oiled baking tray and cover until doubled in size and puffy. Near the end of this prove heat up your oil to 170 C. I used a deep fat fryer but you can use a large heavy bottomed saucepan. I strongly recommend that you use a thermometer to ensure that the oil is at the right temp or your yum yums may well soak up too much oil...a travesty.

Also make up the icing. I always use my food processor to make icing as it negates the need to sieve. Just mix the two ingredients together.

When ready to go get some kitchen paper ready to blot the yum yums thoroughly as they emerge from the oil. I fried 2 at a time for 2 mins on each side. As each batch is cooked and removed, I blotted the excess oil from them before putting them on a wire rack and brushing them liberally whilst hot with the icing.

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Omg they look just like the ones my mother used to ever so middle classly buy from M&S of a Thursday, before the late night shop in the precinct, as a special treat. Me & my brother used to pop them under a hot grill to crisp up before burning our finger tips & lips on the hot icing. 24 hour supermarket opening has taken the joy out of waiting for that once weekly late night shopping treat.

Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangent. I don’t know what the H stands for either, and to be honest I’ve never much thought about it as I tend to go for the shorter version of ‘jeez’, or the lengthier ‘Jesus f***** christ’ when I’m really mad.

Oh Helen that’s such a lovely story! I can so see you and Martin huddled round the oven in your dressing gowns!! always loved the bloody things but doing most of the hard work with the processor has opened a whole new world of Danish pastry to me 😆😆😆The first batch I even just used Clover😆😆I’ve become a bit obsessed since then.I’m about to make some for the school coffee morning tomorrow and plain Danish ones at the weekend.I bet I only manage to take 3 in tomorrow 🤣🤣🤣

Did you have to post this recipe. I want to make them now and after all the baking I have been doing recently my waist line says no but my hearts says go on.
They do look truely yum yum. Thank you for linking to #CookBlogShare (i think!)

LOVE Yum Yums but never thought they are actually doable 🙂 Thanks for taking the mystery away from Yum Yums for me! I will simply have to make them now, the secret has been revealed! No excuses. Thank God or Jesus H Christ for the food processor though cause there is no way I would be doing all the butter folding malarkey so many times 😉 These are truly gorgeous and can’t wait to make them now! xx

Can you believe I have never had a Yum-Yum! Not even once! Pop the kettle on Jenny, my shoes are on I’ve got the car keys and am setting of right now!
They look absolutely gorgeous, and even though i’ve not got a food processor they still look to be worth the effort ! Yum Yum!
Angela x

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About me

I'm a perimenopausal mother of two little ones with passion for good times and good food.I came to parenthood a little late in life so find myself exhausted and longing for my slippers most of the time.To this end I am passionate for recipes that are seriously simple but deliver on flavour every time,particularly for those moments when I really cannot be arsed and just want to sit and drink more wine and eat crisps. Read more

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