Letters I'll Never Send

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I know you constantly worry about me because I cut myself. But it’s honestly okay. I just need to do it sometimes. It’s not out of control sweetheart. A couple times a week. That’s better. It use to be a couple times an hour. I know you constantly worry about me because I have a drug problem. But it’s honestly okay. I don’t even care anymore. It doesn’t make a difference to me whether or not I have it right now. I never take enough to kill myself. I know you constantly worry about me because I don’t eat. But it’s honestly okay. I’m just trying to lose weight. That’s why I work out so much too. I don’t eat because it’s better than taking in calories. Plus everything kicks in quicker on an empty stomach. Then the drugs motivate me to work out. See? No need to worry. I know you constantly worry because I’m a whore. But it’s honestly okay. I don’t care about myself anymore. I just want those boys to be done. So if it takes me 20 minutes and a couple slutty moments then that’s what it takes. I cut, I take drugs, I don’t eat, and I sleep around. It’s just me, and I guess you’re right. Some of it is the reason I’m depressed, but I am so in love with my sadness. So don’t worry. I don’t worry. I just don’t care anymore.

Honestly, I want you to know I’m happy in a weird way. I have some really amazing friends. I also have some horrible ones. I have great grades in school, and I promise I’m not sleeping with any teachers! I have a really great partner, and an even better friend with benefits.

Honestly, I want you to know that I love you. But you have caused some of this. You’ve done a lot to help me to, but sometimes you make me so angry and sad at myself that I cut or drink or vomit or have sex with someone I shouldn’t.

Honestly, I just want us to be close again. I miss you. You’re my lover, my father, my best friend, my husband, you’re a lot to me. I miss you, and honestly, I need you.