Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I don't know if there's some way to fully educate the public on the appropriate uses for the 911 emergency system, but then again, I didn't think that there needed to be a lot of instruction about how it works and what it's for. It's kind of right there in the name: 911 EMERGENCY. Thus, one should call 911 if it's an emergency. The problem arises when one person's definition of what constitutes an emergency is different from another person's definition of what an emergency is. When those two interpretations differ, the people involved can always be referred to as "the one who knows what 911 is for" and "the crazy one". See if you can guess which one is which in a scenario that involved Chicken McNuggets. Wait. What?

Naturally, this took place in Flori-duh. No surprise there. But it's there that we find a one 27-year old Latreasa L. Goodman from Fort Pierce. (Why is that important? Do I need to know where she's from to know that she's unclear on the 911 concept and possibly on the McNugget concept as well?) Latreasa had gone to a McDonald's for a delicious meal of 10 Chicken McNuggets and a small fry. As the police report, available at The Smoking Gun tells the story, Ms. Goodman says that she paid for the McNuggets and was then informed that they were out of McNuggets. It was then that Ms. Goodman, wanting the McNuggets and all, wanted her money back but for some asinine reason was told that all sales were final and that she could choose something else from the menu. (Why does using the term "menu" always sound funny when it's in reference to a McDonald's?) Now, I understand the "all sales are final" concept, but if she didn't get any McNuggets, I'm hard pressed to say that the cashier sold her anything for which to constitute a sale to make final! Was this cashier working on commission or something? Why wouldn't she just give her back her money?

(By the way, while I'm kind of on Latreasa's side with the principle of the thing, I'm in no way suggesting that she should have called 911 not once, but three times. Oh, did I not mention she called about the nuggets thrice-ly? Yeah, she did. So don't get me wrong, McNuggets are good and all, but they're not "Calling-911-Three-Times-Because-They-Were-Out good".)

In all fairness, the second time that she called 911 she was disconnected and that's why she called back the third time. Of course, that doesn't justify the first two times that she called. What goes through someone's mind when they're calling 911 about a deep fried poultry product that's meant to be dipped in your choice of tasty condiments?

I'd have to imagine that the answer to that question is similar to what Latreasa told the cop. "This is an emergency. If I would had known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given them my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one. This is an emergency." It's distressing. It's disappointing. It's frustrating. It is all of those things. It is not an emergency.

She wasn't backing down from that stance either. She maintained the entire time, right up through the cop writing her a citation and her signing it to agree to appear in court, that "This is an emergency. My McNuggets are an emergency." Again, a situation in which many adjectives could be used to describe it, but "emergency" is not one of them.

Seriously, did this chick not think of talking to the manager? Oh, wait. One of the 911 dispatchers asked her that. Her response? "She said she are the manager." She are the manager? Well then, who you be? Sweetie-pie, I think that if she really said, "I are the manager" that she probably should not be the manager, even if she "are the manager" at the time. (And I'm not apologizing for mocking those who butcher the English language. It sounds so uneducated. Oh, wait. I'm still talking about someone who called 911 because McDonald's was out of McNuggets, right? Uh-huh. Well, reaffirmation is always nice.)

I'd kind of like to know why the cashier didn't know that they were out of McNuggets in the first place as well as how a McDonald's runs out of McNuggets. They're quite popular! They're sold in over 100 countries! (I don't know why I felt the need to include that little trivia nugget. It has no purpose. Must've just been because it was a nugget.) Don't they know to stock up on those things? Always have plenty of nuggets! Always!

And I'd also like to know just a bit more about Ms. Goodman, starting with the highest grade in school that she completed (and if the number of said grade is of the double digit variety). Seriously, honeybabe, 911? Three times?! You couldn't have just come back during a different shift (without a gun!) and talked to that manager? You couldn't have gone to the McDonald's website and sent them an email? You didn't think those would work for you or what? Sadly, I'm guessing she just didn't think of them. Or wasn't able to think of them. ::::sigh:::::

Last month we had the asshat who called 911 because Burger King was out of lemonade. Now we have this woman calling 911 for not getting McNuggets. Both were in Florida and I don't think that's a coincidence. The disproportionate number of stories like these that come out of Florida compared to the rest of the country is quite disturbing. They might really be as low-functioning as I make them out to be, in which case I wouldn't know which is scarier, that they're that incompetent or that I was right. Either way, I have ten bucks that says another fast food related 911 call will be made within the next 2 months. (I have twenty bucks that says it will be made from Florida.)

Below is the audio of the three calls that she made. (It's just audio even though it looks like a video.) She's very calm for someone who is calling 911 about the non-receipt of 10 Chicken McNuggets. You'd expect the caller that sort of situation to be either a) on a sitcom, or b) screaming and panting and out of breath. I was hoping for "a", but was expecting "b", yet she was neither and was very calm and composed as well as clear and articulate in speaking. I had no trouble at all understanding everything that she said, including "she are the manager" and "my McNuggets are an emergency." Crystal clear, unfortunately.

2 comments:

They need to give a $140 fine to anyone calling 911 like that. They might think before they do it again.(don't include children). As for "your order will be wrong" MickeyD's, one time my son go so mad at a wrong order, he parked, went inside and shouted "Does your book tell you to get every order wrong?"