Freezing with fear

So many thoughts, so many ideas.

Been reading so many books and sites about writing and summarising and selling that my thoughts are a constant book marketing narrative now. I think in synopsis, in bylines, in taglines, in short sentences that are designed to intrigue, designed to sell, designed to make people give me money, that when I sit in front of the screen, my mind goes blank.

Deadlines, I need a deadline. One that comes from outside rather than within. I have ideas, I have stories, no, I have the glimpses of a story, but when I sit down and write, I find many reasons to procrastinate. It is not fear that holds me, I think, or is it? I’ve lived with fear for so long, I find the physical version of fear and horror to be a splash of cold water.

Fear.

It is possible for this insidious, sinister thing to come into your heart, into your mind, into your brain, and lodge itself there. It hides itself well, masquerading as love, as caution, as concern, but know it thus by its name.

Fear.

We humans are fearful creatures. We have to be, it is something that we have to develop in order to survive. So many years. So many generations. So many ways for fear to weave itself into our psyche, to corrupt everything we touch, to hide our own weaknesses and blinkers.

How did we come to this state?

No, that is not something I will answer. You need only to see the history of humanity as it is written to see that everything is motivated by fear. Not love, because love does not require us to move, to do more than simply accept and return that love, but fear moves us forward. It is ingrained so deeply into our psyche, that we build walls around us to love and only move forward when we fear losing that love.

Fear motivates most of us. The question is, will fear stop us from taking a breath and saying, “I am here. I can do this. This is what I want, more than the safety of my life, and the ones I do not want to disappoint”?