Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Apparently RTFR and I have found a hole in fabric of the hit TV show 24. Not only does Jack posses the ability to talk on his cell phone for 8 hours and not lose a single call or charge the battery (he obviously does not have Sprint), but he also has superhuman speed.

If Jack was soley blessed with superhuman speed, then the show would amount to nothing more than regular episodes where Jack changes clothes on the fly, gets to locations in amazing speed, and disposes of bad guys with ease. All that would be missing is a cape and laser beams coming out of his eyes. No, everyone on 24 has superhuman speed.

The biggest abuser of the superhuman speed is ex-President Palmer, who is now acting like the real president by starting a war with China and then telling informing the real President, who was only the Vice President until Air Force One was shot down by a stolen F-117 Stealth fighter. President Palmer used his speed to go from watching Fox News at home, to becoming acting president in less than 13 minutes. In the past few hours though, he has been on overdrive because he also does Allstate commercials on the side. This is one busy guy: he is waging war with China, trying to find a missing nuke, and has time to warn us about chop shops and what Allstate is doing to combat them.

The second biggest abuser is Jack Bauer. In this week's episode he was rushing back to CTU and made it there in less than 5 minutes, changed into a suit (complete with a Windsor knot), and brushed up on terrorism threats against Chinese embassies abroad in order to come up with an alibi for CTU's panty raid of the Chinese consulate. So at 3:41am, Jack was busy talking to a Chinese investigator (still in a suit) and at 3:51am, Jack was getting his men into position to raid Marwan's hideout. In that 10 minute span, Jack changed out of his suit, dressed for battle, drove across LA, and got into position. RTFR noted that "Have you ever driven in LA? It takes ten minutes to go 3 and a half blocks, yet they regularly cross the city in 10-15 minutes".

The final abuser I will mention is the Chinese investigator. He is not so quick when it comes to seeing that CTU agents are a bunch of lying hacks, but he can drive to CTU from the Chinese consulate in less than 5 minutes. Back to CTU, these people are supposed to protect us but they cannot hire non-moles and can only come up with the "Jack was doing data entry" alibi?

One person that does not use superhuman speed often is Edgar. I see him only using the skill to take the last doughnut from the cafeteria and to use the bathroom.

Next week: The missile is in the air, where it lands nobody cares. Heller's son is back and the last time we saw him, the hippie was being tortured by Curtis. Curtis used the Pink Floyd Laser Light Show treatment on him which produced no results. Heller's son was immune from this technique because of the amount of bong resin accumulated in his nervous system. Jack may be called in to use his patented finger breaking technique.