My special promise to every performance poet under the age of 29 that I respect

Whenever you use that awful late 90s slam poet move where you roll your shoulders, close your eyes, and put your hands out like you’re riding the wave of your own genius, or when you use that awful imposed rhythm and the strained pleading voice, I am going to run from the audience and tackle you, shake you, and cry, yelling “you are better than this, you are better than this” until you repeat it with me and you never do it again.