"Greetings," Kei says, "I am Kei Ayanami. I am, in accordance with the cover story you have swallowed as the sheep you are, Rei's long lost sister, recently adopted by the Ikaris. I will let you draw your own conclusions."

From the back of the room, one of the students emits a high pitched, girlish scream despite being on the men's soccer team. Several follow in suit, before Kensuke Aida, faithful minion that he is to the Ayanami line, jumps onto his desk and executes the rest of her opening gambit.

Sorry, with the site being locked off from work (and non-work internet now being a firing offense thanks to the younger workers abusing it), the commute, the job search, kids and the beta invite, I'm not around much.

Flight to Peru: £1000Camping gear: £200Native guide: £50Sledgehammer to break down stone door: £12.99Awakening one of the Great Old Ones: priceless.

There are some things man was not meant to know. For everything else,there's Mastercard.

The past is a gaping hole. You try to run from it, but the more you run, the deeper it grows behind you, its edges yawning at your heels. Your only chance is to turn around and face it. But it's like looking down into the grave of your love, or kissing the mouth of a gun, a bullet trembling in its dark nest, ready to blow your head off.