"A majority taken collectively is only an individual, whose opinions, and frequently whose interests, are opposed to those of another individual, who is styled a minority. If it be admitted that a man possessing absolute power may misuse that power wronging his adversaries, why should not a majority be liable to the same reproach?" - Tocqueville, Democracy in America

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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

1 Squat Toilet

The Malays do their big business in the toilet by squatting on two pieces of whatever is available. In modern times, these toilets are called squat toilets. That is, I believe, the accepted Malay custom when it comes to the act of releasing one's excrement.

Nowadays, I am appalled by the fact that many Malays have abandoned this custom. They have now opted for sitting toilet where they would sit on the toilet seat and do their big business. This is so not Malay enough.

I am even more appalled that hotels, restaurants, shopping complexes, office complexes, air-planes, buses and whatever have seen it fit to do away with squat toilets. This robs me and other Malays - and even the non-Malays - from practicing the Malay custom. If nobody could practice the Malay custom in its entirety anymore I am afraid there wouldn't be any Malay left in this 1 Malaysia. The Federal Constitution defines a Malay as someone who, among others, practices the Malay custom. So, without being able to do my big business on a squat toilet, I wouldn't be able to practice the Malay custom. And I am afraid I would become a non-Malay under our Federal Constitution because of that.

I am appalled.

I am therefore proposing that a law be enacted pronto to address this problem. Doing business on a squat toilet must be made compulsory to all and sundry, especially the Malays. Anybody who is caught sitting on the toilet seat while poo-ing shall be guilty of an offence. Anybody who is found guilty of that offence shall be subject to a fine of RM50000.00, imprisonment of not more than 5 years and 6 lashes on his or her bare buttock.

All buildings, be it shopping complexes, office suites, hotels or whatever and all vehicles, be it air-planes, - whether normal fare or cheap fare - trains, express buses, ships, submarines etcetera shall be absolutely required to have squat toilets in the ratio of 30:70, namely, 30% sitting toilets to 70% squat toilet.

If not, the building or vehicle owner shall be guilty of an offence which is punishable by a fine of RM100000.00 per toilet and an imprisonment of 50 years per toilet and 12 lashes.

Meanwhile, Imams, or their assistants, with the help of RELA members or members of any resident association are legally permitted to, without warrant, break into any premises, or stop any vehicle or break into them, public or private, regardless of the time of the day, to inspect whether there are sufficient squat toilet in that premises or vehicles or whether any Malay person is poo-poo-ing on a sitting toilet or otherwise therein. These people shall have the power to arrest. They also may use force to carry out their duty as such. It shall be within their absolute discretion as to the intensity of the force or what force to use.

I hope with this proposal, a very important part of the Malay culture and custom shall be preserved. After all, in Slovakia, anybody who does not poo-poo under a tree - which is their custom - is guilty of an offence. So, what others do, we must do too. No matter what. Otherwise, we would be left out.

Art,You are so cruel ...How could you neglect to even mention the bonding that the Rela and Mat Skodeng fellas can achieve with the "oneness" with their victims?Isn't that supposed to be what Mr. 1-Malaysia/Mongolia envisions?

Meanwhile, Imams, or their assistants, with the help of RELA members or members of any resident association are legally permitted to, without warrant, break in any premises,or stop any vehicle or break into them, public or private, regardless of the time of the day, to inspect whether there are sufficient squat toilet in that premises or vehicles or whether any Malay person is poo-poo-ing on a sitting toilet or otherwise therein. These people shall have the power to arrest. They also may use force to carry out their duty as such. It shall be within their absolute discretion as to the intensity of or what force to use."

Does look like 1Malaysia is not Malay too , as it shoulda have been called satumelayu. how about eating burger n drinking coke ? That is so americano and not Malay ! als0 speaking/writing in inggrish for a Malay being not a Malay custom should also put you behind a Malay Custom prison la

Ya I agree, seat toilet should be banned and squat toilet should take its place.....for hygiene reason. Almost all seat toilet are manually converted to squat toilet with the poo-er climbing on top and squating on the seat. So the BN govt being a smart alex will come up with this reason....a seat toilet can be a seat or squat toilet as one desires. NFA

oh no no no. its not malay its indian tradition, this squat toilet thingy. go on any indian railways either on the train or on the track you see indians baring their buttock proudly squatting down doing this indian thingy. malay if i m not wrong do their business standing up before indian introduce this squat toilet thingy technology. if i m not wrong it must that munshi abdullah fella who introduce it to malaya.

I totally agree with you that we should make it compulsory to preserve the 1 Squat Toilet as our Malayness custom.

Can you please write to our cultured Minister Rice Hitam (or something like that) and ask him to apply to UNESCO to patent the 1 Squat Toilet as our Malayness custom before the Indons start claiming the squat toilet at their own.

Also please write to our Tourism Minister Yen Yen (or something like that) and advise her to place photos of 1Najis and 1Moooheedin squatting over the 1 Squat Toilets on all our Truly 1Malaysia promotion billboards all over the world reflecting the Truly 1Malaysia custom.

Please Mr. Art Harun, you and I would have no problem practising this Malay's custom because we have lean bodies. But what about other people like Rosmah. Have sympathy on her. Her body is already packed full a heavy load of shit. Imagine if she's trying to squat. The result might be that her beautiful backside ended up in the shit hole!

To refer on your proposal at the 4th paragraph , I assumed that such law should be enacted not just on the 'silly' toilet issue but to all other Malay practices especially which is clearly stated on the Federal Constituition that Malay is Muslim.

That means Malay women (and some men) will have to squat on erections of dubious construct.

As Malays are not major milk drinkers, osteoporosis sets in to the older generations including MPs, politikus etc so you are condemning them to be disqualified as members of the august chambers. Then there is not going to be many Malay MPs so how are they going to preserve the 'ketuanan'? Hmmm ... you created a coup with your shitty ideas .. brilliant ..

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About Me

Art Harun believes that he is a failed government experiment, abandoned and left alone to roam the streets after all remedial efforts yielded no positive result. He calls himself a non-governmental organism, practices law for a living and tries very hard to play guitar, sing, race cars and write some stuffs to stay alive.