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Topic: A new project! (Read 37552 times)

Over time it's become more apparent to me that many newbies to not just the forum but the entire site are not really cognizant of Etiquette Hell etiquette. I'm not referring to the etiquette of how to behave on the forum but etiquette in weddings, business and everyday life. To really gain an understanding of Ehell etiquette, it takes considerable reading of stories and from reading numerous threads on Ehell, there seems to be a segment of the forum population who really doesn't know what Ehell etiquette is. So, I've thought it would be a useful project if we were to synopsize thousands of stories into a cogent guide of how to avoid getting cast into Etiquette Hell. For example, the wedding planning book, The Bride's Bible to Avoiding Everlasting Damnation, is a condensation of thousands of stories into a cohesive explanation of what is bad behavior and why. We're not going to use that book's format but the idea of condensing stories into understandable etiquette is what is the main point.

Basically what we will be creating is an online etiquette "book", located on the Ehell site, that can be easily accessed as a reference. One of the strongest points I've made to the media over the years is that much of Ehell etiquette is derived from a grassroots coalition of everyday people expressing what they find to be offensive. So, an online Ehell etiquette guide written, edited, and submitted by Ehell forum members is much more powerful tool to shape the culture by saying, "We find that offensive," than just one person saying it. Let me be very emphatic that this collaboration, in whole or part, will NOT result in a printed book.

How I thought this would be accomplished would be that individuals would choose an area of Ehell etiquette (and there are so many to choose!) that interests them, begin a thread on that topic and begin to draft etiquette "rules". Others contribute to the document, editing it until there is a consensus that the document reflects Ehell etiquette and values. It will then be uploaded to a new area of the Ehell site.

A few ground rules...

If you could start your thread with the main EHell category first, that would be helpful. Like this: BUSINESS: Baby showers for coworkers or Everyday: Shopping carts or Everyday: Snakes on planes

Do not quote entire stories but judicious use of quotes from stories is fine. Linking to stories in the archive is great. And there are 7,000 +- stories to choose from!

Any questions, ask .

Oh, and I forgot...can someone come up with a better name for this than "Ehell Guide to Never Behaving Badly"? My creative brain cells appear to be on vacation.

What an interesting concept. Just one question, tho. Won't bringing up contentious topics just rehash previous arguments/disagreements? My first thoughts were shopping carts and shoes in the house. How is a concensus reached when those threads are typically closed?

Love the idea. Especially since, as sparksals said, getting consensus on some of the rules is going to take advanced special ninja etiquette. We'll all get a workout.

Weeell, it might be a good idea to start with less contentious topics to get the feel for the process and then eventually move on to those more difficult topics. I suspect I'll be writing a few of them myself. For example, I don't care how many people think it is OK to host your own birthday party, it will never be an Etiquette Hell approved position.

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So we basically pick a particular issue, start a thread about it here, lay out what WE think are the EHell ground rules and then ask for comments/consensus?

Yep, pick a topic, draft what you would believe is the Ehell position on it and post to its own thread. It can be little snippets of a much larger topic or the entire topic. People can then input as to whether it should be tweaked or if it's just fine the way it is. The ultimate goal of each thread is to produce a finished statement that most people would agree reflects Ehell etiquette.

The reason I ask is because wedding etiquette is VERY different in Denmark and the US.

In Denmark it would be the height of rudeness to invite people to the reception who weren't invited to the wedding ceremony.In the US it would be the height of rudeness to invite people to the reception who weren't invited to the following dinner (at least that's what I've been told).

Explanation: A Danish wedding is split into three: wedding ceremony, reception, dinner.The ceremony is considered the most important thing, so unless there are room constraints (e.g. very small church) it would appear terribly gift-grapping'ish to ask people not to come until afterwards.Only the dinner is an RSVP event, and it custom to invite more people to the ceremony/reception than to the dinner - again, seeing as the ceremony is the important thing, and it's assumed that that's what you want to share with friends and family. The reception is typically at the same venue and there's served snacks, cakes, finger foods and different drinks.

Just thought that was interesting. I was totally surprised when I read that if I'd held my wedding in the US I'd have been thrown in EHell for keeping Danish etiquette

In the US, we don't have a reception AND a dinner. I'm sort of confused about the Danish custom of having a reception and dinner.

I'd love to explain it, if I can What confuses you about it? Perhaps it's the wording more than anything else? In Danish a "reception" is a very informal event... a bit like an "open house" type of gathering. People come and go as they please, there's no seating plan, no planned events, no meal, just time and space for everybody to mingle.

Using my own wedding as an example (as that's obviously the one I remember the best ):Wedding ceremony at 11am. We had around 150 there. About 40 of those had been invited formally, the rest by word-of-mouth or e-mail. Only the ones invited formally were expected to RSVP. The rest just showed up.The ceremony was over at 11:40am and we immediately moved into the hall beside the church for the reception. Here we had some wine/soda, some carrot/cucumber sticks and some chips and M&Ms - just enough to snack on.At around 2pm DH and I left to get our photographs taken.At 3pm we arrived at a local restaurant to meet the 40 guests who'd been invited for the more formal part of the event, and had a late lunch/early dinner together with them. This is where all the good food, speeches, songs and dancing comes in

I think the reasoning for this three-part wedding is that not everybody can afford to treat 100+ guests to a formal dinner, but as you'd still like to share the day with them, you invite them to the ceremony and the reception. It's not a gift-grabbing stunt, as it's perfectly within good etiquette to not bring a gift or even a card.

MariaE raises a good point. For example, hosting your own birthday party in the UK is perfectly acceptable but Ehelldame above has cited it as an example of what she would include. So do we agree we are talking US-specific etiquette?

And maybe have a separate section for 'international' etiquette, where it varies from US.