Pointing and laughing encouraged.

funny classroom stories contest

i asked and you’ve started to answer. vote on your favorite in the comments. if you want to add your own story, email me at erin@durtbagz.com and put “classroom story” in the subject. it could get you free durtbagz. here we go…

1. “I was teaching Missouri History in the third grade.This was a title one school where most students had never been out of the town we live in.We were discussing the capital, Jefferson City, I said”Has anyone ever been to the capital city?”One little boy who had nothing including food most of the time, waved his hand in the air. ” I go there all the time. ” I said “Really”,I didn’t believe him and I’m sure he knew.He said”I go there every month to visit my dad in the “big House”.Needless to say everybody wanted to know what the big house was and I have never ask students again if they have been to the capital again.” -Ginger, Missouri2. “I was meeting my students on a one to one basis, getting to know them etc. we talk about things they like to do, foods they like to eat etc in order to create books for them to read. Sometimes we find things we have in common.. on this particular day it was dogs. I said to the student ‘i like dogs too! I have two dogs at home. how many dogs do you have?’ she says ‘just one’. me: ‘oh really, i have a border collie and a beagle. what kind of dog do you have?’ she says ‘it’s part chihuahua and part bastard’.” -Manden, Missouri

3. “It all started with my best intentions. The lesson was a culminating activity following a month long study of genetics. My 5th grade students would be paired up and given a list of inherited genetic traits i.e. curly hair/straight hair, and told they would use a dice to determine whether their “child” would express the dominant or recessive trait, roll an even number or a one and they would express the dominant one, roll an odd number and they would express the recessive trait. Once they had gone through all of the traits, they would construct a model of what their “child” would look like. Sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Simple yet demonstrative.

The trouble began after I had explained the project when I stupidly announced “OK, if everyone understands the directions, we’ll pair up and make some babies!” I had forgotten my audience. My 5th grade boys were rolling on the floor and the girls were red faced! Oops, at this age I should have known that any hint of the big S word was enough to wreak havoc.

After ten minutes they settled down enough for us to go on. I went around the room pairing up partners by ability levels. I was trying to make sure I had a stronger student paired with one who might not be clear on the directions. Unbeknownst to me, in the process of pairing up couples I had made the wish come true of one boy. As I paired him up, he said to his partner “See I told you I’d make you my wife one day and here we are about to have kids! Thanks Mrs. T!” he called after me.

I also wound up making a few pairs that were of the same sex. This started a whole other conversation I had not thought about when planning my lesson. I was pleased to see that the girls involved weren’t fazed at all. Quickly, I redirected the others and they all set to work.

Seeing how diligently they were working. I wanted to give the last instruction about how to determining the sex of the child. “Since I see some of you are almost done, I want you to stop what your doing and look up here. I’m going to tell you how to roll for the sex”. It took me a minute to understand what was going on, as the room exploded in laughter. “What?, what is it?” I asked. “Roll for the SEX! “Get it?” whispered one of my girls. I could just see the pile of “please phone” messages I was going to get, once these kids got home and someone asked them innocently,

“So Sally, what did you do today in school?”

“Oh nothing, Mrs. T. just paired us up to make babies and then roll for sex.”

I hoped MacDonald’s was hiring.

As I sat at my desk, head in hands, trying to convince myself that a life flipping burgers could be a full and joyful experience, I heard my classroom wise guy say to another, “Mrs. T is the strangest teacher I ever had!”

“Yeah but you have to admit she is funny!” replied the other.” -Lisa, Pennsylvania

4. “Tinted Spectacles vs Tinted Testicles– 8th grade English class, Mr. Iverson- I was reading outloud to the class and the sentence was “The man cleaned off this tinted spectacles.” I read, “The man cleaned off his tinted testicles.” Didn’t realize my mistake until the teacher the teacher said, “You were a little off on the last sentence, but I don’t think I want you to repeat it.”- Brian, Iowa

5. “Richie spends the afternoon in the hallway– 6th grade Catholic Elementry- Mrs. Balvanz – Lunch menu called for baked beans and Richie, tall-skinny-freckles, ate about 4 portions. He lets an SBV (Silent But Violent) around 2. Makes the teacher gag and ask who had the problem. Richie admits to it and is taken into the hallway. I over heard the conversation and she tells him every time he has to do that to leave the classroom and go out into the hallway. For the rest of the day until about 3:00 pm, he exited the class about 5 times. Every afternoon before school is let out the entire school spills out into the hallway for final announcements and a prayer before dismissing us, usually taking 5 minutes. It smelled so bad that there were no announcements and the prayer was “God Bless, be safe, see you all tomorrow.”- Brian, Iowa

6. My most memorable teacher was Mr. Dyke, my 5th grade teacher at Noah Wallace School in Farmington, CT. Mr. Dyke was a cool teacher with the exception of his serious dandruff problem and a penchant for wearing dark shirts and suit coats….

He was wacky… he was creative… he had cool hair… and he threw chalk.

Yep, I don’t suppose you could do that anymore but if you talked when he was talking, fell asleep at your desk, misuse the “silly putty” type stuff that we’d make in class for various projects, etc. he would whip a piece of chalk at you. He never hit anyone… but man, he was so good at getting that chalk on a trajectory that would scare you into good behavior and then explode against the back chalkboard. You knew it was a bad day when tons of chalky explosion marks dotted that back wall.

Secretly, we’d chuckle on the inside because it added some excitement.

Our class gift to him at the end of the year? A bucket of much fatter, heavier, and easier to throw sidewalk chalk with a note, “This is for next year’s class”.- Malcolm, Arizona