Disclaimer/Author's
Notes: Kim Possible and all the characters of the show are owned by
the Disney Company. All other characters can be blamed on the author
(he, however, is not responsible for all of their actions at all
times, being barely responsible for himself most of the time….).

This
is a strictly not-for-profit, just-for-fun work.

This
is not a part of the (shameless plug) Blue Eyes, Shining stories or
the JadeKimVerse. I'll be back to it soon, but enjoy this: you can
blame Cindy for this story (yes, it's the same Cindy that sent me
the ANC picture that spawned "Merry Christmas, Momma" and "Paint
Me a Christmas Memory").

A/N
Forward:

Questions:

What
is Hell?

Answer:

Read,
and decide if the answer is correct….

-----

Define,
Hell

-----

Professor
Steve Barkin had dreaded this moment, but he looked at the student's
name one last time on the blue book cover:

Ron
Stoppable.

He
sighed, and opened the Blue Book and picked up his red pen.

-----

15
minutes later, Steve was in shock.

Ron
Stoppable had actually studied all year, even though he'd missed
several lectures and labs because of his Team Possible work.
Regardless, he obviously had studied, because he had only missed one
question in the entire 200-question Chemistry test.

Steve
turned to the bonus question, and he was even more shocked that
Stoppable had even attempted it: he had missed this entire lecture
and lab week. Ron had been in Central and Southern Africa, on a
mission with Kim, fighting Monkey Fist, again, but this time they had
actually caged him and delivered him to the South African
Intelligence Services and the monkey ninjas to the Johannesburg Zoo.

-----

Bonus
Question:

Is
Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most
of the students had written proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.

Ron,
however, had, of course, taken a slightly different path and written
the following:

-----

Answer:

First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time. So, we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that, once a soul gets into Hell, it will not leave (Hotel
California). Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now,
we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell, because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
souls are added.

This
provides us with two possibilities:

1.
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until "all Hell breaks loose."

2.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until "Hell
freezes over."

So:
which is it?

If
we accept the postulate given to me by Bonnie Rockwaller (during my
high school freshman year) that, "It will be a cold day in Hell,
Ron Stoppable, before I sleep with you," and take into account
the fact that she enjoyed my bed all of last night, then number two
must be true; therefore, I am certain that Hell is exothermic and has
already frozen over.

The
corollary of this theory is that, since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven; thereby, proving the existence of
the Divine. This explains why, last night, Bonnie continually
shouted

"Oh,
My God!"

"Ron
Stoppable, don't stop!"

"I
love kosher!" and

"yes...Yes...OH,
YES!!!!!"

Of
course, a third item to consider is the following:

If
Kim finds out about last night, I will be sent directly to
Hell via multiple versions of King Fu attacks by an angry green-eyed
redhead whose temper will surpass the explosion and subsequent
destruction of Mt. Krakatoa. At that time, I will provide you with a
direct response to the bonus question; assuming, of course, that the
Internet is indeed installed everywhere (which, likely it is: with,
of course, computers will all be 286-based systems with 14.4 dial-up
modems and no spam filters or virus protection).

-----

Steve
smiled and wrote the grade on the cover. He then ripped the bonus
question page from the Blue Book and scanned it into his computer and
saved the document. He then put the page and one question that he'd
written on a separate piece of paper, clipped to the back of Ron's
bonus question answer page, placed both documents in an envelope that
he then sealed, wrote Ron's name on the outside, and clipped to the
inside back cover of the Blue Book. He then slipped the entire
package into a large envelope so the contents would not have to be
folded.

-----

"So,
Ron, how did you do on the Chem mid-term?" Kim asked him as they
walked back to their co-ed apartment building. They didn't live
together, but the building was, at least, co-ed, even though the
floors weren't, officially.

"Read
it, and weep, Kimila," he smirked as he pulled the blue book
partially out of the envelope.

"An
A+!" and she grabbed and hugged him, and then planted a passionate
kiss on him that earned the two of them hoots and yells from the
students walking from the building.

"Yea…,"
Ron grinned his goofy grin, and pulled his shirt collar. "I got
the extra points on the Bonus Question."

"Really?
Let's see, Ron," and Kim pulled the blue book out of the
envelope.

"Can't,
Kim: Sorry, but Barkin pulled my bonus answer out of the book; he
said he liked it so much that he was going to share it with some of
his colleagues.

"Don't
you think it's odd, Kim, that our high school principal is now
teaching Chemistry at Go City University?" Ron asked as the stepped
inside the building.

"No
stranger than anything else that's happened to us, Ron," and they
were slammed, hard, by someone coming in from behind them.

"Oh,
it's the losers," Bonnie said sarcastically as she pushed her way
between the two of them.

"BONNIE,"
Kim growled.

"Shove
it, princess: you're still dating the loser, so you're a princess
loser, or is it loser princess?

"Huh,"
was her final comment as she flipped her hair and walked away, but
not before turning away from Kim so that only Ron could see her and
mouthing "call me" to Ron, who promptly blushed.

"What's
wrong, Ron?" Kim saw the blush.

"Just
remembered something, Kim: gotta call Mom! See you for dinner!"
and he ran to the stairwell and headed up the flight to the second
floor and his apartment.

-----

Ron
slammed into his apartment, slammed the door closed, locked it, and
then pulled the large, brown envelope out of his backpack, carefully
pulling both the test and the separate envelope that Professor Barkin
had included.

He
opened the envelope and pulled out his bonus question answer page and
found the paper clipped to the back.

Ron
read the question written by Professor Barkin and smiled, then
grinned, and then broke into a full-blown falling-down laugh session.

When
he recovered, he went to his computer, pulled up the faculty email
page, selected Steve Barkin, and wrote a quick response and hit
'send,' still chuckling.

-----

Steve
was packing to leave his office and head to the airport for his trip
back home with his fiancée when his email beeped.

Stoppable.

He
opened the email.

Professor
Barkin:

I
enjoyed the class.

I
really enjoyed your question.

Answers:

A1:
yes, quite pleasing, but she bites.

A2:
Nowhere near as good as Red: the main course, but a great side dish,
nonetheless….

Merry
Christmas!

Ron
Stoppable

-----

Steve
logged out of his email and LAN connection, turned off the computer,
headed to the door and hit the light switch, turning out the lights
to his office, and closed and locked the door, whistling the entire
time.

-----

Author's
afterward:

A
very special set of thanks go out to the following:

A
whole slew of writers for allowing me to bounce this idea off of
them, and to CajunBear73, Chaosengine, King in Yellow, and whitem for
their humorous, insightful, and useful responses.

Thank
you, to all of you, for continuing to support me and provide me with
a sounding board.

Thanks
again for reading, and please review.

-----

For
all of you Jade fans:

I'll
be back: "oops…" is next!

-----

The
Fannies are over, but who won? Stay tuned for the awards ceremony…

-----

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.