Ha ha, not really, but it looks that way at first glance, doesn’t it? This is actually just one of this month’s GQ covers, and Rihanna has one because she was named the “obsession of the year,” which sounds kind of flattering until you realize how creepy it is.

On art and slavery: “Sometimes a person looks at me and sees dollars. They see numbers and they see a product, ” she says. “I look at me and see art. If I didn’t like what I was doing, then I would say I was committing slavery. ”

On how she almost got a face tattoo: “The tattoo artist said nope, I’m not gonna do it,” she says, “because if you’re looking at your face, it’s right there staring at you.”

On what turns her on: “I like to feel like a woman,” she says. “I have to be in control in every other aspect of my life, so I feel like in a relationship, like I wanted to be able to take a step back and have somebody else take the lead. I could absolutely be dominant. But, in general, I’d rather… How do I say this in like a…non-X-rated version? Love makes you go places you probably wouldn’t ever go, had it not been for love. But I think everybody still has their limits.”

On that fight between Chris Brown and Drake: “There’s no proof of that being for my love. That’s my answer to that question.”

The interviewer also wrote that after the interview, he went to a club with Rihanna and Chris Brown showed up too. The guy’s kind of vague about it, but he says that Rihanna and Chris were giving each other “flirtatious glances” for a while and obviously “dancing with each other from afar.” He said that she looked “like she’s just getting started,” and then the article ends, probably because the writer didn’t want to be like “I think they went to the bathroom to bang, but I can’t verify that.”

But those quotes, huh? Face tattoos, honestly. She would. And “I look at me and see art.” I didn’t think Rihanna was that type of “artist,” but here we are. Ugh.

“Me and her have history, and me and her are definitely always going to be best of friends. We’re working on our friendship now. As far as our personal life, I think people just got to give it a chance — or not even give it a chance, but shut the hell up. It’s me. At the end of the day, whatever opinion they have ain’t going to change nothing I’m doing.”

Really, it’s just annoying that they keep saying this kind of stuff. They’ve been “working on their friendship” forever now, and frankly, I’m just sick of that phrasing. Working on a friendship does not mean oral sex. Please just stop.

Oh, and the latest real life event between these two? They have a song together on Rihanna’s new album. It’s called “Nobody’s Business,” which I think really just says it all. But just in case it doesn’t, here’s a little preview of the song:

And here’s what Rihanna had to say about the song:

“‘Nobody’s Business’ is basically the way I look at everything regarding my personal life. Even though you have to witness it as being documented at every second, it still is mine…When it [comes] to my music, I’ll give and I’ll give and I’ll give. I just feel like I need to keep a little bit for me that I get to decide.”

I know, I know. Another story about the mysterious, stupid romance of Rihanna and Chris Brown. But at least this one has horses and diamonds. That’s something, right?

Ok, look. The horses represent both Rihanna and Chris, see? And the diamonds she smokes, they represent their relationship, which is both beautiful and hard. And they got high a lot. Oh, and that mysterious tattooed arm in the video? That could actually be Chris Brown’s arm. No, his literal arm. Scandalous.

But in any case, the video has pretty water – doesn’t swimming in warm water sound just so perfect right now? – and lots of slow motion horse shots, so there’s something for everyone, now isn’t there?

No, but really, this is Rihanna on the set of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, where she performed and made sure to grab onto as many of the Angels as she possibly could. You know, kind of like this photo:

You can check out the rest in the gallery, which feature Rihanna’s undeniably hot body doing all sorts of things on the VS show runway, but before you do that, I just want to leave you with this picture right here, because guys, it’s a f-cking doozy:

“The family loved Chris Brown before they even met him. I always thought he was extremely talented. He always gave me great respect. Whatever makes her happy. I hope one day she will get married. Everyone adores Chris; he’s a super guy.”

I could seriously, seriously vomit. Is this, like, the Barbadian version of Michael Lohan, or what? This botard, publicly fellating Chris Brown and his TALENT and all of his SUPER-NESS and everything else … it positively reeks of a publicity dick-move. It’s like this guy wants nothing more than Rihanna to marry into (more) fame, and it doesn’t even matter what has to happen in order for this to … well, to happen. And that’s sad, guys. Pathetic.

“To the world, I feel like there’s no closure. There’s some obsession that’s continued even throughout when we weren’t friends or couldn’t be friends at all. Hated each other. The world hasn’t let go. They haven’t seen any progress in our friendship, because they don’t see anything, really. So now it’s a bit of a fascination, I guess. I don’t know if people will stop soon, but I feel like as soon as they have closure to it, they will. But they’re not on the inside. They can’t see what I see, unless they’re sitting in my point of view. I guess I’ll learn to accept that.”

In the same interview, she also said that she hasn’t been on a date in “like two years” because “no one asks.” Which she says sucks because “I have too many vaginas around me at this point.” LOL @ Rihanna.

But really, I don’t get this. I mean, I know it’s the whole psychology of the domestic abuse victim, so on and so forth, but it’s really, really hard for me to understand. We don’t need closure. We just want her to understand what a bad plan a relationship with Chris Brown is. We just want her to realize that you probably shouldn’t hang out with a dude who viciously assaulted you. And it’s like she doesn’t even get that at all, you know? I have no basis for this, but I assumed that many abuse victims realized on some level that their partner’s behavior is wrong, but with Rihanna is just seems like she doesn’t even know what everyone’s problem is.

So that’s what I would like to have closure with, Rihanna’s ignorance. With the whole Chris Brown aspect, I would just prefer for that not to happen at all, thanks.

And hey, how about that Vogue cover? And how about these photos from Vogue that I’m about to show you? Are you still having feelings about her new haircut?