Death and children

When your a parent there is nothing more you what to achieve then to protect your children. You don’t want to cause any upset or harm. Sadly life is a bitch and death is there. But it is also part and parcel of life. Most of the time you can get so bogged down with the day to day stuff you almost can forget about the deepper stuff. Thenbl something happens and it brings you back to take note of what you have. For me particularly what I have lost.
I lost a friend and someone that was dear to me. She didn’t judge me even during my baddest times. I know people are judgemental but I was blessed some beautiful, simple yet meaningful nonetheless. This lady was 69 when she died suddenly and had a funeral this week.

Well I was devastared OK I cry a lot and I do cry in front of my children, I don’t hide away from that as I am quite an emotional person.
We try to be honest as we can with our boys. I tend to struggle so luckily my husband is clearer and more precise with answers. So my son anyway is exploring death as part of his development I have found out. We have answered as best as we can about what happens or though sometimes I can get away with myself.
One of the things we discussed and spoke to a professional was taken a small child to a funeral. It appears it is not the dune thing and has a risk that it can affect them for a long time.
Why do we need to cotton wool everything in our society. I mean just look at different countries that are more open tend to have less mental health issues and better communication. The more I read about child mental health issues it tends to correspond with not being open and discussing such matters with children. I even remember no one talked to me as a child about uncle being gay and aunty having mental illness. It as a very confusing for to make sense of that world.
I believe children become more curious because it’s being closed off to them, human nature I suppose.
But I digress I did take my son to thr funeral and some people disapproved but I think the deceased would be really happy they were there. We told our son as open as we can. I hope this builds a trust and he can be open with us in return.
Parenting is so hard making decisions as there is no manual. I hope I have given what was right for my son.

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20 thoughts on “Death and children”

I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. Taking children to a funeral is a very personal decision – you know your children best and can judge best whether it is appropriate for them or not. I have taken my eldest to funerals as a baby/toddler – whether I took her to one now would depend very much on whose funeral it was though and whether I felt it was appropriate. I tend to think that being open about these things is better overall – trying to hush these things up can sometimes create fear in itself. Hope your son was okay with attending the funeral and sorry again for your loss.

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I think only a parent can decide if their child is ready to go to a funeral. It is not for others to disapprove, it is not their call. I agree with Louise and I would tend to be open with them and for the same reasons. My thoughts are with you and your family. xxx #coolmumclub

I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend how devastating. I don’t think children should be shielded from such things. My toddler saw me breakdown over the death of my grandfather and if the funeral was in the same country I would have taken her. Everyone is different and you need to do what feels right for you. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x

Sorry to hear that you lost your friend. I agree with the other comments here – whether or not to take a child to a funeral is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. You know best whether or not your child will be able to cope emotionally. #effitfriday
Debbie

I agree stigma and taboo around death is more counterproductive than helpful. It’s a hard experience to understand as an adult let alone a child but there are lots of good books and resources out there to help.

Grief isn’t a bad word or something to hide. It’s how we show love for people that have died and how we keep their memories alive.

I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard to know when a child should attend a funeral. I think if it’s a close family member they should go but maybe not if it’s a more distant relative or friend. I guess everyone is different but you do make a good point about other cultures being more open with death. Knowing the reality of life & death is something from a young age could be helpful in the long run. I make a point to tell my kids where meat comes from because I wasn’t told & was shocked when I was old enough to find out. #JustAnotherLinky x

Thanks good point, it is so hard sometimes to decide on such a grey area. Like you said I think it is down to the parents to decide, I just hate that professionals make everything so cotton wool like. Yes we tell our boys all about the meat and show them the next counter with all the different cuts X

I am so sorry for your loss. I think that you are right, it is OK to cry in front of children – how do they know it is OK to cry otherwise? It’s OK to ask questions about death. To explain. And taking children to a funeral is the perfect way to say goodbye.