Prince Michael Jackson And The Goo Goo Dolls Will Appear On ‘90210’

So close. So very close. With the additional of two simple little commas, this headline could have read “Prince, Michael Jackson, And The Goo Goo Dolls Will Appear on ‘90210.’” Think about that. It would mean either (a) We’ve all been transported back to 1995 and three HUGE musical acts are about to play at the Peach Pit, or (b) Prince, Michael Jackson (Hologram? Zombie? SECRETLY ALIVE?), and the Goo Goo Dolls are all getting together and appearing on a ratings-challenged remake of a teen soap from the 90s. That would have been my favorite story of the year so far. Especially the part where the Goo Goo Dolls weaseled their way in there with the other two.

But alas, there are no commas, and this story is somewhat less exciting, albeit almost as strange.

First of all, Michael Jackson’s son, Prince Michael Jackson (fresh off the announcement that he’ll be a “celebrity reporter” for Entertainment Tonight), will be guest starring on the season finale of the CW drama. According to THR, he will play “a trauma victim who bonds with [Erin] Silver (Jessica Stroup) over the realization — at a very young age — how precious life is.” OH. OKAY. THAT’S NOT WEIRD AT ALL. IN FACT, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I BROUGHT IT UP AND AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS NOW. JUST THE CHILD OF A LEGENDARY POP STAR — WHO SUFFERED TRAUMA AT THE HANDS OF HIS OWN FATHER AND GREW UP TO BE WEIRDER THAN AN OCTOPUS IN A COWBOY COSTUME, ALL IN FULL VIEW OF THE ENTIRE WORLD — PLAYING A TRAUMA VICTIM ON A TV SHOW. NBD, EVERYBODY.

And speaking of things that are weird if you put, like, a single second of thought into them, 90210 has also booked the Goo Goo Dolls to appear in an upcoming episode. Apparently Naomi — who is a high school student, and was therefore no older than three when “Iris” was released — books them to play a relief concert. Seems like an excellent way to raise money and awareness in trendy, hip Beverly Hills, if you ask me. I hope Lou Bega opens for them.