Advice for Applying to College with a BF

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[Email from a Seventeen Reader]

I just read your first blog post on Seventeen, and I just wanted to let you know that I can't wait to start reading about your experience through college! I'm in a similar situation. I'm a senior in high school, and I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years. It's difficult, especially since I'm getting hammered by teachers and parents to start applying and visiting schools. Plus, I have everyone telling me I'm an idiot for wanting to go to college with/nearby my boyfriend. Do you have any advice for me about the process?

-Maddie, 17, Hood River, OR

I remember being in your situation, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through.

This may sound crazy, but I applied to 19 schools in order to have some overlap with my boyfriend. We were both looking at smaller, more selective schools, so the chances of getting into the same school were very small. He applied to 16 schools, and we had 10 schools on our lists that overlapped. We were only admitted to two of the the same schools: the big university in my town (University of Kansas) and Grinnell College. We got really lucky that Grinnell worked out, because it's the perfect place for each of us.

Before you go through this process, I need to ask you (and you need to ask yourself) a few questions:

1. What do YOU want out of college? This is very important. Know what you want out of a college experience before you factor in your boyfriend. Decide if you want a university or a liberal arts type of education, a rural or city environment, a private or state school, and any other personal preferences about college. Make your own list before seeing his.

2. Are your goals and your boyfriend's goals similar? Do you want to go to any of the same colleges, or would you be compromising your own college ideals for each other? If you truly don't want to go to the same schools, one of you could resent the other for where you end up. Remember that a bigger school means a better chance you'll both get in, but a smaller chance that you'll run into each other on campus. (A bigger school also means that if you break up, you won't HAVE to see each other much.)

3. What about a long-distance relationship? What have you and your boyfriend discussed? Do you have the same views on an LDR? How far away is too far away? Is there transportation available between the schools with which you would consider this option?

4. How much work are you willing to put into this? It takes many more hours to apply to more schools (more essays, more letters of recommendation and varying admission requirements), and often it costs more money as well (to apply and to visit). Make sure you are totally sure that you truly want to go to school with your boyfriend because it's a difficult and emotionally draining process.

5. Will he inhibit your growth as a person? You need to make sure that your boyfriend wouldn't keep you from achieving your goals or meeting new people. I cannot stress enough the importance of mainitaining your individuality. College is a chance to reach out to new people, try new things, and morph into a better version of yourself. You must have the freedom to be your own person and change at your own will, and if you think your boyfriend will hold you back, you need to split up for college.

You're not an idiot for wanting to go the the same school as your boyfriend. While my parents,friends, and everyone else expressed their concerns, I knew that going to school with my boyfriend was what I truly wanted, and when everyone realized how serious I was about it, they learned to accept and support me. I spent lots of nights crying and stressing over whether or not my boyfriend and I could make our relationship work, but now, being here with him at college, I know it's all been worth it.

Have any other questions about going to college with your boyfriend? Let me know in the comments below!