Your Almanac Cover Page

Yeah. See, I couldn’t think of anything clever to write in that space. So I thought maybe I could buy myself a little time if I just wrote in a URL, and then I could come up with something later.

Well.

This is what I came up with.

Oh…no, “this” refers to what you had already read. I imagine that you spent a certain amount of time extracting the image so you could get the URL exactly and you were so disappointed by what you found here that you thought “Oh! I bet this ‘lame’ page is just the first link in a magnificent chain of puzzles and perlexments that will lead me on a wonderful journey! With some sort of prize at the end!”

Geez, I wish!

So if you spent any amount of time option-clicking on the punctuation in the lede paragraph, or using your browser’s developer tools to look for surprises in the HTML or PHP or CSS…I’m so sorry. Maybe I should have put this disclaimer at the very beginning. I know when I’m hooked on a puzzle I sometimes jump right in before getting the entire picture.

And now I’m thinking that I’ve belabored the point so completely that you’re convinced that this is all a double-bluff and that all of these things I’m advising you not to do are, specifically, the things that you must do if you want to be one of six lucky winners of a brand-new 2017 Kia Optima PHEV plug-in hybrid.

Aw, why did I do that?!?

I guess I began to feel so self-conscious about disappointing you that I tried to at least entertain you with a little joke. But I only dug myself into an even deeper hole! Right now, you’re totally dazzled by the Optima’s powerful hybrid engine, smart and robust telematics system, exterior design and interior refinement, which all combine to deliver a superior hybrid drive experience and to underscore Kia’s commitment to sustainability and their philosophy that you shouldn’t have to accept compromises when making a green choice! You can’t even see the obvious sarcasm!

I bet you’re not even concerned about the disclaimer that all applicable taxes and licensing fees are the responsibility of the winners!

I should quit right now.

Oh, man, I’m totally going to get sued, aren’t I?

Seriously, you don’t want to sue me. I have no money. My car is an fifteen-year-old fleet vehicle with a stock cassette stereo. It can’t hold a candle to the outstanding audio experience of the Optima’s available Harman/Kardon QuantumLogic™ Premium Surround Sound Audio System8, which includes 10 speakers, Clari-Fi™9 technology and an upgraded 630-watt digital amplifier.

Please. Let’s all have a good laugh about this — not at your expense, I assure you — and then just forget all of this even happened.