4.4 - In Times of Need

This past Friday evening, I made plans to hang out with one of my best friends. It had been a few weeks since we last hung out thanks to my job being a pain in the ass, so I felt it was important to take the time out to just chill with him. Sure, it was cold as Hell that night, and I wasn't feeling particularly well, but sometimes, priorities come into play.

Anyway, throughout the day my friend goes on like nothing's wrong. Everything's relaxed and chill. Finally we meet up, I get into his car and we start driving to the bar we're planning on visiting. For a few moments he's chill, but then he throws into the middle of the conversation.

"By the way, this has been a long day. I got a call from my aunt this morning telling me my grandfather passed away."

It was one of those moments where you just...freeze. I mean, I just got out of the cold, sat in the car, was expected some light conversation after a long work day, and...boom. I didn't know his grandfather very well, but it's really an awkward position to be in. Still, as a friend, you do what's necessary to comfort your bud, right? So I stayed with him, and we went to the bar. He didn't seem to want to spend much time on his grandfather. Well, he wanted to talk about him, but not be down about it. Like I said, it was...just awkward.

For a few days now I've been thinking about the whole incident, and how it went down. At first I felt like it was inappropriate, but then I remembered what I was like when my own grandparents passed away. My grandmother passed away while I was in Toronto. Just the day before, I had proposed to my girlfriend at the time. The roller coaster of emotions had never been so strong, and I was an emotional wreck. I ended up staying out there one more night before flying home, just because I didn't want to bear having to go and deal with the reality of the situation.

We all deal with tragedy in different ways. In retrospect, I can't really say much about how my friend is reacting to his grandfather. It's how he's choosing to cope. He's lost family before, too. He knows what this pain is like. As long as he's not being self destructive, I figure the best I can do as a friend is to support him. If that means going out and drinking and having a good time during what would be a period of mourning for others, so be it. Isn't that what friends are for?

Have you ever experienced a situation like this, either via your own loss, or indirectly through being around friends or loved ones who handle tragedy in ways that deviate from how you would expect?