The Port

Today my dad got his port installed. It is the first step into starting the long, arduous process of chemotherapy to kill the cancer that is growing in his body. I had a hard time falling asleep last night as I was drowning in that dark, tense, dreadful anxiety. But thankfully I remembered to do my yoga breaths and finally drifted off into sleep with no bad dreams.

Today marks the start of a long, roller coaster journey which I’m feeling mixed emotions: Fear, anxiety, relief and hope. I’m scared that I’ve realized it is really cancer. Yet I’m relieved that we can finally begin chemo in one week and start killing the bad cells out of my dad. I’m hopeful in his amazingly powerful attitude and perseverance. If anyone can beat cancer, my father can. He is the most optimist person I know and his certainty and inspiring attitude keeps me moving forward.

Am I scared? Hell yes. I’m terrified. But at long as I step back and don’t think about the “what ifs” and the worst case scenarios, then I feel energized in my hope and faith that he will get through this and will beat cancer. I’m going to have to really work hard at remaining calm, positive and anxiety free for the coming months. It is going to be a long, exhausting ride but I’m thankful that I’m able to be there to help him fight and win.

Vanoise National Park, France.

I leave for Arizona next Tuesday, the first day of my dad’s chemo. From all I’ve heard, he should feel pretty good for the first few days and then we it is really up in the air how he will feel later. Everybody is different in how they handle chemo. Some are sick, some are depressed, some are tired all the time, and most loose their hair.

I’ve also learned that every single person’s body is different in how they handle cancer. It is like tossing the dice and taking a guess. The cards are in my dad’s favor as he is incredibly strong, fit and healthy save the cancer cells. I am amazed by what a role model he is as well as how much I love him.

You and your family will stay in my prayers Nicole. Having a positive attitude is such an important part of this journey for your father, along with being physically fit and practicing good nutrition. It sounds like he is in good hands and has the very best chance of defeating this insidious disease.