Lifestyle

The 12 biggest failures of 2012 and how they cracked the internet

The damn internet is making my head hurt. Picture: ThinkStock Source:
Supplied

Click Frenzy failed. But so did many other things

Including: James Magnussen, The Shire, Angel

Did we miss anything? Let us know

CLICK Frenzy's online sale bonanza failed miserably. As it soon came to be known, #clickfail was an unqualified disaster.

Which got us thinking. There've been some swings and spectacular misses in 2012. Here are 12 fails that cracked the internet (like an egg, which we just dropped on the kitchen floor at news.com.au HQ).

1. Your attempts to get away from Gangnam Style

Just remember, Australia, this dance is as cheesy and kitsch as it gets. Picture: Getty ImagesSource: Getty Images

"I hate that bloody song. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it." Oh, look, PSY is on Sunrise, and you're all doing the horsey-dance. You can't help it. "Actually, it's quite catchy I do admit". And just like that, you're hooked on the biggest YouTube sensation since Friday.

Dieter Brummer as Shane Parrish and Melissa George as Angel Parrish in Home and Away. Picture: SuppliedSource: National Features

It's simple: you wouldn't be who you are - walking your French Bulldog in New York and eating croissants in Paris - without Home and Away, Melissa George. So quit ranting about the Australian media's love affair with soap opera alumni, Melissa George. Follow the shining example set by Kylie Minogue, Delta Goodrem and Chris Hemsworth. In fact Melissa George, we're just going to call you Angel.

3. James Magnussen's attempts at humility

James Magnussen looks shocked after Australia finished in fourth place in the men's relay. Picture: Brett Costello.Source: News Limited

"Brace yourselves," we were told, as James Magnussen promised a world record at the Olympics. Magnussen also told us how thrilling it was to wake up every morning knowing he was the world's fastest swimmer. That's awesome and all, but like all great cocky champions, you need to back it up with results. Australia could have stomached Magnussen's Olympics "almost" had he shown a shred of humility. We might love to cut down tall poppies but we also hate a brat.

For the Sunday Telegraph. Pictured today is Sophie from new tv show The Shire at Cronulla Beach. Picture: Tim HunterSource: The Daily Telegraph

Well, this point could technically be "Channel 10 'reality' TV", but The Shire's mockudramality was the chief offender in 2012. The likes of Vernesa (really?) and Sophie and their plastic and their fat blaster and such turned people away faster than Being Lara Bingle. There's a reason Bondi Beach is more famous than Cronulla.

The nature of viral campaigning is its incredibly short shelf life. People had already moved onto ERMAGHERD and her Goosebumps novels less than a week after Kony 2012 exploded. Cover The Night, the centrepiece of the Kony campaign, was the biggest failure. It drew dismal crowds in Australia and proved Kony was a forgotten force.

7. Bath salt zombies

Ronald Poppo, left, was the victim of a horrific cannibal attack at the hands of Rudy Eugene, Miami police said Tuesday. Picture: Miami-Dade Police DeptSource: Supplied

IT'S A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. Actually, it's not. It turns out that Rudy Eugene, the maniacal Miami face-eater, was high. It was initially reported Eugene had a warped psychoactive compound commonly known as "Bath Salts" in his system, but it was synthetic cannabis. Kids, drugs are bad.

8. Mitt Romney's campaign mantra

Mitt Romney's remark about women during the second presidential debate was a gift to the internet. Picture: SuppliedSource: Supplied

Mitt Romney's not just that nice, handsome, clever Mormon who once governed Massachusetts. He's also a man of the people, a man who understands women. In fact, the Republican candidate for this month's presidential election had all the information on prospective female employees he ever needed. In binders. Binders full of women. An innocent enough comment, sure. But it came the Romney campaign mantra. Mitt Romney did NOT approve this message.

9. Apple Maps

Apple's new iPhone 5 may have been criticised for its glitch-ridden new maps program, but it may have inadvertently provided a diplomatic solution to China and Japan's ongoing row over the East China Sea disputed islands known as Senkaku islandsJapan, but claimed by Beijing under the name Diaoyu.Source: AFP

You're meeting for a drink in town. Apple Maps tells you it's in Sydney Harbour. Not on Circular Quay. Not at The Rocks. IN. The actual. Physical. Harbour. You should have stuck with Google.

10. Angelina Jolie's right leg
I'm no fashion expert, but this dress was a bizarre choice for the Oscars. It was, however, an excellent choice for every meme creator around the world. Dress: failure. Meme: success.

11. General Petraeus's affair

David PetraeusSource: news.com.au

You'd think the director of the world's richest intelligence agency would have more digital nous than to:1) Not only use a shared GMAIL account to communicate via the draft folder with his lover; but2) Send a confessional of said affair from that gmail account.We're not for affairs here but good god, man, lock it up.

When asked about his signature Bond move actor Daniel Craig says he'd rather 'suck pus' than perform on cue.

When your job is to promote a film, then you have to play the game. When that film is from the James Bond franchise, you have to play the game AS James Bond. You are not Daniel Craig on a press junket, you are the guy who happens to be lucky enough to play James Bond right now. So when you're asked funny, quirky questions about James Bond from entertainment reporters, you do NOT tell them you'd rather "suck pus from an abscess". You just, be cool. You weren't. You failed. And you're no longer our go-to man-crush.

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Comments on this story

Jack Posted at 12:42 AM November 25, 2012

Abbott has got to be the thirteenth and biggest failure for upsetting all the women in this country with his sexism and Bully-boy tactics.

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