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I had an abortion. And I have never stopped grieving UPDATE #3

I had an abortion right when I turned 18. (2005) I feel that the choice I made was absolutly the wrong one

The child was planned, but after I had concieved my then bf ( we had married but it was just a religous ceremony) decided that he did not want the baby. His family was totally against me having the child. I caved under the presure and had an abortion. I felt betrayed by the people who were suppose to love and protect us. I also felt like I had betrayed who I was, as a woman and a mother to have killed my child.

I have felt so bad about it so many years later. And I ALSO feel guilty for grieving. Thought the years I have struggled. Sometimes are better than others.

When I was at the clinic everyone sold the idea to me like it was a reset button. That having a baby is a lifelong choice, and that having an abortion is not. They didnt tell me that I would grieve for the rest of my life though. I really feel that there was a miscarry of justice. That clinics are not being totally honest. That the only negative side effect from an abortion is not just the possiblity of an infection.

I tried to feel really empowered by my choice. Look how free I was after all!! But it didnt work.

Truth be told. My choice did not sink in until my sister gave birth to her child. Then it hit me " I had been pregnant with a baby! I should have a 7 month old right now!!

Purpose of this post: To connect with others who have had had this experience? Got an abortion that they later regreted? Has anyone felt guilty for grieving? What have you found helps bring comfort, clousure, or honors the memory of your child? This post is also a causionary tale. So feel free to share it with anyone who is thinking about an abortion

*PS this post is not about weather or not abortion should be legal, or if its wrong etc etc etc. ALL of that is for a DIFFERENT post (that you gotta make yourself)*

*PPS I am NOT looking for any sort of sympathy! I am trying to connect to other mothers who have been in the same or simular circumstances*

OP, I'm pro-life, but I wont shove that down your throat. You made a choice that you now realize wasn't for you. It was for others. Now, you know abortion isn't for you. Take care in knowing that that baby will always be in your heart.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yup. abortion is a death penalty for you and the baby. maybe next time you will think twice before opening your legs

Me either! We were in love and had been recently married (just a ceremony not registared with the state) We had wanted the baby soo bad. When I had concieved though my bf/husband thing told his parents. They said that we were to wait. That we could have a "real" baby later and that this baby was a mistake. That this baby was just going to bring our lives down.

I felt so hurt, confused and betrayed. But I tried to get on board with it.

Quoting Anonymous:

just saying. I'm not sure how an abortion could ever be empowering when the pregnancy was originally planned

by Anonymous 1
on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:41 AM

7 moms liked this

harsh? no. harsh is planning a pregnancy. succeeding. and then sentencing the baby to death becuz the boy changed his mind. I'm pro choice. but in certain circumstances only. And this isn't one of them.

Quoting maryjmom:

Bit harsh there Anon, don't ya think?

OP, I'm pro-life, but I wont shove that down your throat. You made a choice that you now realize wasn't for you. It was for others. Now, you know abortion isn't for you. Take care in knowing that that baby will always be in your heart.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yup. abortion is a death penalty for you and the baby. maybe next time you will think twice before opening your legs

by Anonymous 2
on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:42 AM

1 mom liked this

If you ask God to forgive you he will, now you have to forgive yourself. That doesn't mean you won't forget because you never will, but can go on with your life and hopefully never get anther abortion learning from this very hard lesson.

Our relationship did not last. 2 years later I left him. I could never get over the fact that we had aborted the baby. ESP since his mother had spear headed the whole thing. As a woman and a fellow mother why did she say so much nonsense!

Why didnt he protect us? Why didnt I protect us?

I would NEVER let that happen to me again. So I guess I learned a vaulable lesson. But to me the cost was too high.

Quoting mommamaggi:

I felt guilty for a while, but the guilt subsided. My circumstances were much different though; I was raped, you were in love. I was depressed, you were happy. I didn't want the baby, you did. It was my choice, you were pushed.

I am so so sorry that you were guilted and pushed into giving up your baby; no one has the right to tell a woman when to or not to have a baby and it makes me so angry that you were pressured into doing something you didn't want to do.

*hug* Time will help you heal, just please, don't ever let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do ever again. Good luck.

by Anonymous 3
on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:44 AM

Well, I almost got an abortion 3 yrs ago and I'm glad I didn't. I'm sorry you feel that way. You were young and had no support. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I just wanted to say I am very sorry. I volunteer at a Womens Center and what you are feeling is very normal.

by Anonymous 1
on Jan. 31, 2013 at 3:46 AM

2 moms liked this

sorry. no sympathy fir you. I'm pro choice for certain situations. but believe mostly in giving birth. but this ifs definitely not a circumference i am forgiving in. adoption would have been better. abortion in my opinion ifs for rape incest or to save a mothers life. not a girl who is playing house. its not an escape for irresponisible women. we didnt kill u fir conceiving. why kill the baby for doing exactky wha u wanted it to do.

Quoting EachNewBreath:

Me either! We were in love and had been recently married (just a ceremony not registared with the state) We had wanted the baby soo bad. When I had concieved though my bf/husband thing told his parents. They said that we were to wait. That we could have a "real" baby later and that this baby was a mistake. That this baby was just going to bring our lives down.

I felt so hurt, confused and betrayed. But I tried to get on board with it.

Quoting Anonymous:

just saying. I'm not sure how an abortion could ever be empowering when the pregnancy was originally planned

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