this world is not my home – i'm just passing through

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Confusion

Some people talk, some people draw, some people do sports.
Some people think and some people write.

To write is by far my favorite way to clear up my mind, but it’s also by far the hardest things to do – except for the few times the words just effortlessly appear on my screen, as if there’s a direct connection between my brain and the computer.

Some of the things I write appear on this blog, a lot is added to my journal, but most of what I would like to write never makes it to the paper or to the screen. It stays in my head and just circles around in my thoughts till it settles, or till I just decide to stop thinking about it cause I can’t make sense of it. And I don’t write about it.

Because I want the things I write to be ‘complete’. To make sense. To be logical. If there are questions, I want to finish with an answer. I want a point, a conclusion, a life lesson perhaps. I don’t like open endings.

I don’t like all question marks and no full stops.

The truth is, I have way more questions than I have answers. And if I wanna become a better writer, I have to be transparent and I have to be myself. Not everything can be smooth and polished.

But there are times that I just wanna grab people by the shoulders and shake them and ask them ‘why, why, WHY!
Tell me why it makes sense to you to have a ceremony for the wedding of two TREES.
Tell me why it makes sense to you to pray to a god you don’t even KNOW.
Tell me why you pray endlessly for your forefathers souls when you don’t know how to get to heaven.
Tell me why you don’t recognize the chains around your hands and feet when the One who owns the keys is RIGHT in front of you.

I’m not here to judge, but what am I supposed to do with this confusion?