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I don’t know where you begin with a blog which is about a topic like this.

As a “survivor”, it’s taken me 12 years to reach a point in my emotional health where I feel I can finally start moving forward, and looking at the problem of sexual assault objectively. Almost overnight, I began to feel I could be part of the solution, and not just a hidden statistic. I’ve felt thoroughly supported by the Mumsnet ‘We Believe You’ campaign and all of the informed, supportive women who are actively believing survivors of rape and sexual assault – thus tackling one of the first problems a survivor will face following an attack.

At first I hid away from the campaign and wished it wasn’t happening. The word rape has been a trigger for me for a long time, and I couldn’t read or write the word without feeling a “shock” pain across my chest. I still can’t handle hearing or speaking the word in conversation or on television.

But as a little time has passed, the campaign has really helped me. I have started to type the word rape with more ease, and I read it regularly. I donated some money to Rape Crisis (despite having never called them, their existence has always given me some comfort) and today I filled in a survey for AVA about my experiences – something I would never have felt strong enough to do before. I joined a few groups on Facebook, which are regularly posting blog links and other media about rape, and I click those links and read them with a mixture of sadness, interest and determination. Although the campaign was not designed to help me, but instead to address a widespread problem, it has greatly increased my quality of life. I haven’t told anyone new “my story”, and yet I feel more supported than ever before as though out there in the world, there are people who know about rape, and know it is wrong, and will fight for a future where women shouldn’t have to go through it.

And although I am as furious with the rape apologists, sexists, “victim” blamers and of course, rapists themselves, I feel content right now knowing that given time, more people could be educated with the help of campaigns like Mumsnet’s and the world could be a better place for my daughter, and my daughter’s daughters.

I don’t intend for all of my posts to have a “me me me” vibe about them, and in the future, I will hopefully be able to post something more productive, objective, or constructive.

So, I decided to make this blog. And I will VOW to make a blog post every single day, even if it is just a short “I’m having a good day!”, because this is an empowering experience for me – to finally be able to write about rape almost in an “activist” way – and I don’t want to lose sight of this positive feeling which has taken me so long to find.