I am a writer in search of my voice. Every now and then, the true Jenn peeks through the haze. Those are the best days of all.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Chocolate and stress....

Ok...most of you know that I gave up sugar years ago. And I eventually got to the point where I didn't even want it anymore (I know that sounds bizarre, but it's true). About 7 or 8 months ago (I lose track of time easily) I started a new job and a new phase of life. Although it's been good for me professionally and even personally - it has NOT been good for me in terms of sugar intake. Tonight I am baking my Thanksgiving pies (2 pumpkin, 1 chocolate pecan, and 1 raspberry cream) and I have succumbed to the lure of the semi-sweet chocolate morsels.(Mmm...isn't the word "morsel" delicious? I bet I gained 2 pounds just thinking of that word...)

Now - one night off of the bandwagon wouldn't be the end of the world, but I hereby confess to my blog-o-sphere that I have fallen off the wagon OFTEN in the last few months. I assume that it's related to stress and, to be perfectly honest, it generally happens after I've had a drink or two and my inhibitions are down.

So here's the question...is this sudden lack of willpower related to the new professional stress in my life OR is that just a convenient excuse for falling off of the wagon because (maybe, just maybe...) I wasn't enjoying the ride anyway. The truth is, when I allow myself to eat chocolate - even just a little bit of it - I am so happy and at peace. (For about 30 minutes, then I'm wracked with guilt and, often, a stomach ache.)

One of my dearest friends used to roll her eyes at me and tell me that I wasn't happy unless I was finding something to give up - something to sacrifice in my life. I'd like to scoff at that analysis but she pretty much hit the nail on the head. Even if I do have a moderate tendency towards asceticism, however, isn't it a valuable thing for me to give up sugar? Isn't it healthy?

I sort of hate the fact that I can't wear a few of my jeans anymore - that's way sucky. So...I suppose I need to recommit to this no-sugar decision. Ugh. Kind of like those church camps where on Thursday evenings you were pressured to "re-dedicate your life to the Lord." Man...I hated those Thursday night services. (Note: if you aren't a recovering Southern Baptist, you might not know what I'm talking about.)

Hmmm.......well - I don't feel like re-committing to anything right now. And it has nothing to do with the bag of semi-sweet morsels (oooo....morsels....) that is calling to me from across the kitchen...

2 comments:

Fabulous post! I actually think giving up processed sugar is a good thing. But there are studies that show that chocolate actually releases those "good feeling" endorphins. I can't see how that's a bad thing. I don't eat cookies, muffins, cake or processed sugar like that, but I still break off a square of dove chocolate when I need a lift.

I think the "everything in moderation" cuts both ways. That can mean using moderation in consumption but it can also mean moderation in cutting out. Right?

I don't think anyone should give in to everything all the time. (the end result of that would be me) but I also don't think anyone should deny everything all the time.