Tag Archives: Television

They’ve lied to us. High school was not as positive as Degrassi or as fun and good-natured as Sabrina the Teenage Witch. There was no usual “hang out” that wasn’t full of angry looking 12 grade boys trying to buy Chinese food at lunch and scaring away the local families (it happened. There were complaints. Our students were assholes.)

No. My high school was in the middle of no where, overcrowded, and run by people who thought it was more important to ensure students weren’t on their cell phones at lunch than worrying about actual learning.

No one gave a shit about the football team (this is Canada, after all, where we have yet to build a 60 million dollar football stadium for a high school) and what is school spirit? Our colours were grey, silver, and black. What a cheerful-looking crowd we would have been.

So, whatever, TV never depicts real life, unless you live in the American South, where I assume every single high school on TV is modelled after.

University matched up slightly better, taking into account the majority of students at my school commute. We have pub nights and things, woo!

Now I just hope Friends wasn’t a lie. Or GIRLS, just…you know…without the awkward nakedness.

or the awfully unflattering outfit choices by Dunham

Well, actually when bus passes in your city cost a student $106 a month and rent is at least $700 with a few roommates…it looks like my parents are going to be roommates for a while.

Hopefully no awkward nakedness.

And maybe, if I work really hard and score an actual full-time job after I graduate that’s not the retail hell my peers are stuck in, I’ll be able to almost afford a shitty apartment with a bunch of roommates. We’ll see.

Last night, after a stunning episode of Mad Men* that left me with my jaw on the floor, I decided to tune into MTV to catch some of the Movie Awards or whatever they are.

*insignificant “spoiler” photo at the bottom

I kind of half-watched Jennifer Aniston tell me how awesome it was that she got to be evil in Horrible Bosses (a movie that inspires a ridiculous amount of rage in me, but I’ll save that for another day) and win an award for it. Then there were a few awards and a guy from The Hunger Games or something. Eventually, out comes the “best kiss” category.

Oh, Ron and Hermione’s kiss from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is nominated? No contest.

Skip to 1:08

These are two characters my generation has grown up with. The first movie came out when I was in fourth grade, the last one when I was just finishing up my first year of university. We’ve followed and loved these characters for years, and finally this scene gives the viewers what they’ve been speculating about and hoping for. I repeat, no contest. That is, no contest when you’re polling people over the age of 12, but…

…but then they called out the actors from Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 and I shut the TV off and went to sleep.

In other news, Mad Men was amazing and terrifying and devastating all at the same time. Not all was lost on cable that night.

I’ve been spending a lot of my downtime passively watching Radio Canada while I’m doing other things (mostly looking at pictures of cute cats and wasting time, but that’s beside the point.)

Sometimes I pay attention and learn something, but lately I seem to be wishfully thinking that if I absorb enough French dialogue I’ll magically find myself bilingual the next time I try and order just coleslaw and wine at St-Hubert.

Occasionally I’ll look up, usually while my computer has decided to rainbow wheel during the loading of an adorable hedgehog video, and find something weird/awesome.

There is a game show called Privé de Sens which is kind of fun to follow. They’ll throw up a word on the screen and one person has to give a good enough one-word hint for his partner to guess what the word is. Simple, but a pretty good tool when you’re trying to learn the language.

And then there is this segment:

What I can only guess to be a giant bag of Saskatchewan cocaine.

Arguably the best thing on TV, the poor contestants dress up in ridiculous costumes and act out even more clues. I still can’t understand enough to know why they need costumes for these clues, but I feel like being kept in the dark makes it much funnier.

If you didn’t grow up watching Seinfeld reruns, then this might go a little over your head. I apologize, and I recommend you take the time to fully appreciate the peak of 90s sitcoms (and Jerry Seinfeld’s hair).

Remember this scene? George, having lost another job, is trying to figure out his next move. He sits down with Jerry, who takes pity and suggests new careers. The whole sequence is hilariously sad, but something most of us can probably relate to at one point or another.

After I quit nursing school, there was a period of a few months where almost every career seemed like an option (aside from engineering and nursing, of course).
Trying to narrow down my interests was next to impossible.

I think I’m a little past this, now. I know what I don’t want in a career, and most of these revelations have come from my soul-crushing current job.

I’m even highlighting majors in university books I’d like to take. Majors! I’m slowly narrowing it down.

My parents were never too strict about the “14A” ratings on various TV shows. And for that, I am thankful. I grew up watching The Simpsons with most of the jokes flying over my head, but I still loved it. Every night at 5 on CBC they used to play an episode. Missing it was not an option.

Sure, we can argue all night about if the new episodes are still as funny. But we can all agree on one thing, the first seasons were just so great. I mean, have you ever met someone who claims they don’t like The Simpsons? Well, I’ll tell you something. They’re lying through their pretentious, veneered teeth.

Here are my favourite moments from The Simpsons to distract you from all the stupid new shows on TV now. (If I have to watch another commercial for “Whitney” I am going to go Elvis-style on my TV.) Have a look back and remember how the world used to be, before they had to add a stupid “this show contains violence, coarse language, etc” warning before each episode. Kids have been watching TV for years, but apparently only recently parents have been wanting the TV networks to do the actual parenting for them. Hmm.
(I’m sorry, but if your 6 year old child is watching sitcoms at 3am and you are unaware, those warnings are not going to help anything and you should probably be a better parent.)

5. “Canyonero”

“Can you name the truck with 4-wheel-drive? Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five.” Yes, yes I can.
If this clip doesn’t make you think of all the overweight soccer-moms who nearly run you off the road on their way to Starbucks, then please, tell me where you live. I want to move there.

1. “Monorail”

A good, ol’ fashioned sing along about a burlesque house. Pure goodness. This song, one of the best, unfortunately is lacking a full upload on YouTube. I figured each song on my list should at least have a fair representation in their videos.

Now, is it possible to have all of those songs stuck in your head at once? Good luck. *evil laughter*