Do not wear a tube top when visiting Voroneț Monastery

Listen up people: the stunning Voroneţ Monastery was built in only three months and three weeks in the year of 1488. And if that wasn’t remarkable enough, it’s colorful exterior frescoes are magically well-preserved. This is a world famous UNESCO World Heritage Site and you absolutely should not visit while wearing a tube top and jeans shorts. SHOW SOME RESPECT.

And while you’re at it, leave any cameras and cell phones from the 90’s at home as well.

Good, now that we’ve established the ground rules, on to Voroneţ Monastery.

Stephen the Great, who was prince of this area of Romania known as Moldavia, build the monastery to commemorate a victorious battle with Turkey. It is one of eight Romanian Orthodox Churches in this area, collectively called The Painted Churches of Moldavia.

Voroneţ is justly acclaimed for the jewel-like shade of blue that dominates it’s frescoes, known as—wait for it now—Voroneţ Blue.

If you have a limited amount of time at Voroneţ, I recommend focusing on The Last Judgment fresco on the West end of the building.

Don’t you hate it when you’re in line to go to heaven and everyone just jams in there like it’s Lollapalooza or something and all your halos turn into a bubble bath?

Oh well, at least it’s better than being pulled down naked into hell by a telephone cord.

S’up, door-eared elephant?

Getting even weirder…

Saint George caught some little black devils smoking at the monastery and chased them out.

You can tell who the bad guys are by their turbans.

The Garden of Earthy Delights and Dr. Suess Trees.

That one time Mary gave birth on an island, wrapped baby Jesus up like a joint, and smoked him.

Visiting Voroneţ and two other painted monasteries was an enchanting experience, but we were rushed and had no chance to picnic. At the end of our whirlwind tour I wished I could have been like this horse with a bag on snacks under my hungry mouth.