Reform, grief and a special child

An interview with Brent and Kelly King

On their message to other families that might not be so lucky ...

KELLY: I would say know your child, know what they need, listen to them and be there for them. Whether you’re in a home where there’s divorce or you’ve lost a parent, you need to be there for your children and make their world as safe and secure as you can while teaching them how to survive in a world that’s not safe all the time.

BRENT: And never forget what it’s like to be a child. Never forget. Because, you know, just because we were fortunate doesn’t necessarily mean we came from fortunate situations. We never forget what it’s like and how fearful it could be and how joyful it could be. When your parent plays with you, when your parent listens to you, when your parent reprimands you, they’re doing it for a reason. But never forget what it’s like to be a kid.

On where they get their strength for the political battle for reform ...

BRENT: I think we both get it from the same place. We get it from our daughter. We get it from our daughter and our son. The last thing I want to do is provide my son a bad role model. I want to show him what’s right and I’m trying to do what’s right and I think that Chelsea’s trying to have us do what’s right.

KELLY: And to do anything less would be to dishonor Chelsea and what she would want. But it would also disappoint every kid out there who has had this horrible tragedy occur ...

It would be much easier for me to crawl in a hole and curl up in a ball and disappear. It’s not who we are. That’s not who Chelsea would expect us to be. So when that occurs, by the grace of God, we’re allowed to step outside of that hole and do it.

BRENT: And every morning, you just start over. You wake up and you don’t want to wake up. You’re raw and you want to crawl in that hole. But there’s a little part of you that says, well, what about the other families that would suffer this terrible thing. What about the other kids. What about Chelsea – and you force yourself to do it.

KELLY: And most importantly, our son Tyler.

On parenting Chelsea ...

BRENT: We allowed her to become who she wanted to become. So when she chose to play the French horn – that was in the fifth grade. We didn’t direct her to an instrument. We didn’t say, “Oh, well, mom played this or dad played that.” She liked the French horn and the teacher said, “Oh, that’s a difficult horn, you know, that’s a difficult instrument. You sure you want to try that one, Chelsea?” She said, “Yeah, it’s great. Yeah, the more challenging the better for me.”

KELLY: And we instilled in both of our kids that whatever you can dream you can be. And I think that that’s something that every parent should be able to instill in their child.