Reading to write again

From a very young age, I suspected there was more to my world than I could see: somewhere in the streets of Istanbul, in a house resembling ours, there lived another Orhan so much like me that he could pass for my twin, even my double.

I suspect that there is another Sam too. I used to call her Kalpana, like the rest of my family. But now she is Sam. Kalpana has ceased to exist, in almost every way except in my mother’s memories.

I don’t think she ever lived in a home resembling mine. She couldn’t have. If she had then she would have been left behind in Hyderabad in 1990. She would be the ghost of the little girl that haunts that beautiful apartment complex in the posh neighbourhood. No. She moved with me everywhere I went in my life. I knew she was there because I have been talking to her. She has an opinion on most things and I try my best to accommodate her views in my decisions. But my best has rarely been good enough.

She is my double. I use her to stand for me when called by the Grand Jury of Conscience. They seem not to be able to tell us apart.

After all these years of being used and stepped on; of being mercilessly silenced; of being a quiet spectator she wrote me a letter. I considered it. She had just the one request: write.

So I did. I didn’t realise it then that her simple need would make me question everything. She was having her revenge and eating it too.

I have decided to answer her back. I have decided to learn the craft of poetry and tell her, while using language in its most sophisticated form, that I WRITE. I need Sam to like me again. I am coming up for trial: the Grand Jury is bound to convene soon.

I start preparing for my online poetry course from tomorrow. I hope you will forgive my lack of attention to your wonderful blogs. I'll do my best to keep up with as many of you as time permits.
The starting line of the post is taken from one of my favourite creative non-fiction works, Istanbul: Memories and the City by Orhan Pamuk.

Love, love, love…I am so in love with your writing style (I know that statement sounds weird…promise I am not a stalker!) Your writing is beautiful and I can visualise what you are saying which is what makes it so real…Keep them coming!

“After all these years of being used and stepped on; of being mercilessly silenced; of being a quiet spectator …” What do you mean by this? this is Kalpana? I don’t believe!
So you come from my city 🙂 Kalpana, you spin magic with words, now you want to learn some more tricks to polish the craft. 🙂
I loved this post. Istanbul is in my bucket list. will try to get hold of the book, ” Istanbul: Memories and the City”, by Orhan Pamuk and savour it.

I meant my twin, my inner voice – Kalpana aka Sam, yes. She has been kept quiet by force for a long time.
🙂 I am not from Hyderabad. I just spent a few years of my early childhood there. It is a lovely city.
Thank you for your kind words. I hope the course helps. I am excited about it.
Please pick up the book at the earliest. It is a must-read in my opinion. 🙂
Thank you again for taking time to read me and comment. I really appreciate it.

Thank you Paula. I realised that I have been missing some of your recent posts – I haven’t been getting any notifications or emails. 😦 Sorry about that. I reentered my subscription preferences. It should be ok now I hope. I hope you are well. Bests, Sam.

Thank you Sid. I’m excited to learn formally what it means to write poetry. Till now I just wrote as it came to me which is ok but not great. I’ll keep posting my coursework here (if allowed; I need to ask the instructor).

Lovely post!
Since starting my blog, I have realised how much I like poetry. I’ve never really bothered to be interested before, I’m ashamed to say, but now,I’m on board! I hope you share some with us.

Thank you 🙂 I hope to share my goings-on at the course here. I guess that’s what you meant. If not, I have already written some ‘poetry’ (at least that’s what I call it) and you may click on the category in the menu bar to read more 🙂
You should definitely write poetry. I think everyone should try. It’s liberating.

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Welcome! You are hearing the voice of Sam Rappaz

Bookworm; scientist; inter-culturally inter-racially and internationally married; an unintentional pedant at times; an intentional writer most of the time; a self-proclaimed life-enthusiast. Aim: To write non-scientifically so that one day I can write science in a manner that is accessible to all.