Oh, McDonald’s. Your greasy, mangled drive-through burgers are great for a hangover, but ever since you publicly dissed Burger King, we’re finding it hard to stand up for you. Where’s the creativity, the innovation, the quality we need in a good burger chain? We want to love you, really. But you need to step up your game.

Luckily for you, McDonald’s, former Simpsons writer Bill Oakley took to Twitter to outline a plan (using those three aforementioned desirable qualities) to get you back into the burger field. We know your second quarter sales fell by 0.7 percent. Let Oakley help you. For everyone’s sake.