I have had CFS since 2006. It has taken me awhile to find acceptance of this debilitating disease. I've finally come to realize that life with CFS means less doing and more becoming. I'm rebuilding who I am and what my dreams are. I am living the CFS life.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

OK -- I've had a rough week, and boy did my house show it! It was looking definitely worse for the wear. Tuesday, I had my children stay home from school to protest the CTA donating $1.2 million to the no on prop 8 campaign. I thought it would be a great time to rally them together to catch up on their chores.

I then went to Albertson's "going out of business" sale and to Wal-Mart to pick up Halloween costumes. Ooops! Did me in! I was an exhausted zombie after that.

My poor husband comes home and it looks like a bomb had gone off. Bags of groceries from Albertson's were still scattered all over the living room floor. Every room in the house was a mess. Did he say anything about the mess? No -- but he definitely gave the kids an earful about how they had treated me when I was feeling so terrible.

Yesterday (Wednesday), I covered at the store for my husband to give him a day off. It was a lovely, slow day. It paced itself -- only three customers all day, well spaced breaks in between, few tasks that needed attention. I was really proud that I was able to make it through the day.

When I got home, if you know my husband, you can already guess what I found -- A clean home!!! Yes, the living room was clean AND vacuumed, the kitchen was clean, the loft was clean AND vacuumed -- even the bathrooms smelled better! And his very own special gift to me -- he cleaned out the pantry to make room for all that food I had just bought at Albertson's.

I know it was a labor of love. I also recognized what a blessing it is too have two parents in a family! So often, I feel like I am failing my children. I know that they needed a parent who was strong enough to insist they get their work done. I couldn't do it all week. But when Dad's big booming voice let them know this was not a debate and there would be no room for procrastination, they jumped up and got to work. More than I needed my house clean, my kids needed a parent to be strict and expect more from them.

For the past 15 1/2 years, my husband has worked his tail off so I could be a stay at home mom. That blessing is even more important to me now, while I have CFS. I know I have bad days. I know there are days when I can't be a "good" mom. But, I'm here. At least I can be a mom.

I found your blog through Sue Jackson's "Learning to Live with CFS" blog, and have been avidly reading it! There is so so much I can relate to, as a mom with CFS, struggling to accept that I have a chronic illness and reaching to find gratitude for all I do have.

Maybe it's because I was nodding my head in recognition, appreciating so much your ability to put into words the intensity of this experience, that I felt particularly slammed when I read the little aside in this post about you keeping your kids home to protest the CTA donating $1.2 million to the no on prop 8 campaign. I just felt so sad when I read that. My family -- my woman partner and our two children-- have been my rock as I've grappled through this illness. They have kept me going in so many ways, and by not being able to get legally married we are denied the rights of my marriage. If I'm hospitalized, my partner may have to fight to be the person in charge. Our kids don't automatically have two legal parents. And of course there is the unfairness of having our relationship seen as "less than" straight relationships.

I doubt this will make you look at things any differently, but I just felt I had to try... it is sohard to have parts of my life validated and other parts not...

Anyway, I wish you all the luck with your recovery and with coping with this awful illness.

Kate,I just found your comments today, and I really appreciate them and I also appreciate where you are coming from. I participated a lot on the no on 8 blogs, because I many times tried to explain that my beliefs do not come from a place of hate. Although my support was for idealistic and political reasons, I understand how hard it is to not take such a thing personally.

That said, I will ask that you afford me the same thing that you hope from others -- tolerance. You may not agree with me and feel that I am very wrong, but I hope that you will look past that and see me as an individual who shares many more things in common with you that hopefully overshadow even such a large difference.

You are always welcome here, and I would love any more comments from you!

Hands Around the World

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About Me

I am a 44 year old stay at home mom. I have been married almost 20 years to the world's best husband. We have six wonderful children. My husband and I are starting our own small business together. I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for two years now. It's such a strange disease (illness? condition? ailment?). I wanted to create a place where I could come and write about what it's like to deal with the challenges of living the CFS life. I honestly believe that sometime, somewhere, some doctor is going to magically tell me, "Oh, I know what this is!" and I will be cured. Until that time, I'm hoping to learn something about myself and maybe help others.