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That '70s Show

Set in the era of Led Zeppelin 8-tracks, Tab cola and Farrah Fawcett posters... While the kids continue to make the sometimes bumpy and often hilarious transition into adulthood, the parents are forced to deal with an empty nest.

Michael Kelso: Ya know guys, there are a lot of ladies out there and I haven't seen nearly enough of them naked. From now on, I'm gonna live free. I'm going to be boldly going where no man has gone before.

Laurie Forman: [Jackie and Laurie are arguing in the basement] You better watch your back.Jackie Burkhardt: Really? 'Cause you should stop spending so much time on *yours*Michael Kelso: Burn! [Laurie looks shocked] Hey I'm sorry. I just got swept away by the super-good burn.

Laurie Forman: Hey, Hyde. Going home, so you could ask another guy "Are you my daddy"?Steven Hyde: Hey, Laurie. The surgeon general called, he told you to stop hording all the penicillin.Laurie Forman: You know, you should watch your table manners. Because when you're in prison, that would just really turn on some guy named "Tank".Steven Hyde: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe when you're there for a conjugal visit, you could ask him to take it easy on me.Laurie Forman: Oh, yeah? Well... Nice hair.Steven Hyde: Awww, Laurie... Are you out of put downs?Laurie Forman: Yeah...

Jackie Burkhardt: OK, Fez, I just want to thank you for last night. I know I wasn't my super-cute self, and I'm sorry. But you're a really good friend.Fez: But Jackie, I was hoping that perhaps we could be more than friends?Jackie Burkhardt: Well, hope springs eternal, Fez. How 'bout you just keep worshipping me from afar and stay available... just in case.Fez: You would do that for me? That's a sweet deal!

Red Forman: It's funny how you always manage to pull up the car right up to the garage, but not in itEric: Yeah it takes a keen eye and a sure footRed Forman: Would you like your keen eye to watch my sure foot kick your smart ass?

Fez: If there's one thing guys like us know, it's how to have sex. Oh, I cannot live with this lie. Everyone, prepare to be shocked. I, Fez, am still a virgin.Eric Forman: [sarcastically] Gosh. My world no longer makes sense.

Michael Kelso: Man, I wish Jackie would loosen up. She's throwing a great party down here and she's missing it.Fez: Kelso, you don't get it, huh? This party meant the world to Jackie, and you crapped on it.Steven Hyde: Alright, ease up on Kelso, huh?Michael Kelso: Thanks, Hyde.Steven Hyde: [sarcastically] Yeah, so you did something horrible, but it's Jackie, so who cares?Michael Kelso: No wait, what are you saying?Fez: I'm saying you burned her man, royally. Nice job.Michael Kelso: But no, man, I didn't want to burn her. I invited all these people to her party so it would be fun, to make it good.Fez: She didn't want a good party, she wanted her party.Michael Kelso: You know what? You're right Fez. Alright, this party's over. Everybody out!Eric Forman: No, Kelso, what are you saying man? Think!Michael Kelso: You know what guys? For the first time in my life, I think I am thinking.

Michael Kelso: You know I'm in danger of ruining the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I am not going to let that happen.

Steven Hyde: Kelso...Michael Kelso: Do not interrupt me, this is important! From now on, I'm going to put Jackie's needs first and she's going to be so proud of me!

Jackie Burkhart: God, how dare you say that about me and Michael?Donna Pinciotti: Jackie, you wanted my honest opinion.Jackie Burkhart: Your honest opinion that we're great together. Look, you were wrong about Michael. He knows he made a mistake and he's going to make it up to me. You wait and see.

Steven Hyde: So you caught those birds with just a whistle and a stick? Very impressive, Fez.Michael Kelso: Yeah, you know, that's a good way to hunt. Because even if you don't get anything, you still have all the fun of a whistle and a stick.

Eric Forman: So where's Fez?Bob Pinciotti: Kelso probably shot him.Reginald "Red" Forman: Oh, I saw him walking into the woods right after we got here. Said he was going hunting. He had a whistle and a stick! [starts laughs]Bob Pinciotti: Ah, crazy foreign bastard.