Long-term relationships are built on a foundation of trust, openness and a willingness to meet your other half’s needs (such as listening to their work gripes or handing over the remote when the big match is on telly).

Very often however, couples can’t see eye to eye on an array of important things, one of them being how to deal with problem debt.

Recently we spoke to a lady called Brenda (not her real name) who desperately wanted our help with the debts she and her partner had. Unfortunately, her partner was not ready to seek debt advice, something that Brenda was very upset about.

We were interested to know how our followers on Facebook would feel about this, so we asked them: What would you advise Brenda to do in this situation?

As always, our Facebook community gave us lots to think about!

Just do it

Many of you felt that Brenda should take the plunge and get advice on her situation alone:

“Go for it before the situation gets any worse. Brenda is making the right decision.” – Shona M.

“The quicker she makes the first move the better, he will come to his senses – we hope.” – Tracey S.

“The longer you leave it the worse it will get!” – Louise T.

“It’s important to remember that Brenda HAS DEALT WITH IT, and it only remains for the partner to DEAL WITH IT too. I’m sure he will, and be pleased that he has a partner with gumption!” – Pete P.

“As a Helpline Advisor, I would suggest they go through Debt Remedy as it is totally anonymous.” – Faye P.

Talk it over

Some of you thought that with some gentle persuasion, Brenda’s partner may still be won around:

“I have a friend in a similar situation and it’s heartbreaking to watch. Explain to the partner why it would make her feel better to get help, what she hopes to achieve by doing this and ask what their actual objections are.” – Rebecca C.

“Brenda has no control or responsibility over her partner’s finances. First step would be to try and persuade, second step would be to separate the finances.” – Cara M.

“If he is determined not to get help, advise her to separate their finances e.g. have her salary paid into her own account if not already doing so, and transfer any needed funds for debts which have to be paid.” – Marie C.

“I know how Brenda feels”

Natalie L. had once been in Brenda’s position, so she understood very well how she must be feeling:

“My partner didn’t want to get advice. He felt embarrassed many years ago. I called you and told you the details over the phone, and you know what? He was SO relieved.”

“I know how Brenda’s partner feels”

Robert M. also had his reservations when he first heard about us, so he knows where Brenda’s partner is coming from:

“It was pretty tough for myself to make the call, I wanted to do it all myself but it’s definitely the best option and takes bags of stress away”

What we actually advised…

Just because Brenda’s partner isn’t looking for debt advice right now, that doesn’t mean that Brenda has to deal with her debt alone. As many of you will know by now, we’re here for everyone who needs our help, no matter what their circumstances.

We worked out a budget based on Brenda’s share of each bill and living costs. Once this was done we were able to advise Brenda on how to get back on track with her debts.

Rachel Connor has been with the charity for over 5 years, starting in Helpline before joining the MoneyAware team in 2012. Rach enjoys travelling, video games and creative writing in her spare time (currently penning her first novel). She had a previous life as head writer on Cartoon Network's Ed Edd n Eddy and as a copywriter for LivingSocial. She also writes comics and graphic novels for the animated series Adventure Time and Regular Show.