About Me

Friday, September 25, 2009

Barnes and Noble til the Night Starts

A Fresh StartI decided to change things up today. Instead of being a typical early riser, I woke up late. I was surprised to see my mom had left me a bottle of red wine on my dresser with a note. She wanted me to celebrate my new beginnings as I head home to West Palm Beach tomorrow morning. Her note said she loved me and our house is always my home- wherever I am in life. It was nice to have that inspiration to start of the day.

I decided today would be a great day to prepare for my new job opportunity in Miami. I am leaving on Sunday for sales training and want to add a few pieces to my professional wardrobe before I leave. After meeting my dad for lunch, I headed to the mall for a little shopping... then off to Barnes and Noble to relax, blog, read, and get a coffee... I swear I feel like I am retired since I have been unemployed! ;)ChangeChange has been the name of the game lately for me. Never did I think that I would be switching jobs and moving on from my ex like this. Family does heal and I am blessed to have spent the last week here at home.

To Be GenuineBeing home I realized something so important. That in our moments of brokenness and hard circumstances, people who have genuine love really shine through. I talked to a woman for quite some time yesterday about my past relationship. She has been a friend of the family for about 4 years.

She had much wisdom and knowledge for me.

To keep pursuing God and to trust and believe in myself. To keep being intuitive with others and to trust my heart and emotions as well as the counsel of close friends and family. I am young, I will love again. I am lucky to have been in tune with my heart to know I had to move on before it was too late.

She had experienced much pain through an emotionally abusive relationship and she said it had broken her so much that she never thought she would be strong again. She had been isolated from her family and friends. She had been told for over 10 years by her mate that she was the cause of all the heartache in their relationship. She had felt that if she couldn't fix that relationship she was a failure, that there was something wrong with her

"She is similar to me that when she loves, she loves with everything she has."

However, this is many times hard to be this way, to wear our emotions on our sleeve, because it is hard for people like us to have enemies in life. We can always see the good in people and believe everyone can resolve conflicts and grow into healthier relationships as the years go on. She finally realized after years of counseling and 4 children later, that she could never be everything this man wanted her to be. He didn't even know what he wanted anymore- he was just in it to feel power, to bring her down to make himself feel stronger.

Hearing her story really spoke to me. I realized that the tightening feeling I would get in my chest whenever I would embrace a conflict with my ex was a sign. That it was a strong emotional wall within him to never see another person's viewpoint. To never mutually respect another individual who may have different ideas and thoughts than him. I realized that I need to be with someone he will respect my ideas and desires and ambitions the same way I respect his.

Looking AheadI know the last 7 months happened for a reason. I have a deeper understanding about myself. I feel strong, independent, beautiful, and excited to see what is over the horizon.

Tonight I am going downtown with my brother and a few friends. Orlando's night scene of bars, pool, darts, and beer is different than the fast paced urban city life of Palm Beach... It is nice for something different.