Author: whatsupwitha

This is basically an online diary of my life. Well, hoping to be. I don't care if zero people see this, in fact I would probably prefer to keep it like that, but I want this to show a progression with my life which at the moment seems stuck.

Sometimes, a toxic place should have no position in your life. However, as human beings who live by the gain and loss of money, a workplace seems like a locked in place, especially if you feel that you have no other options, and have pressure from other areas of your life, which is so true for so many.

I found a job when I was 17 and loved it. I came in every Sunday throughout year 12 and did a 9am – 3pm shift to earn a little pocket money. The place ran with myself, a barista and a single chef. Soon enough I had left school and was asking for more shifts, working longer hours. A change in managers brought a change in several staff members and an impact on me. For some reason the manager hired her daughter and put her on the same shifts as me, which was hell. She would leave the dishwashing room a complete mess and say ‘it’s okay, my mum will never yell at us for this, we’re tired, let’s go home.’ Sure enough, I would get the blame. After firing her, our boss left us managerless. And this was a great time. I was working 30+ hours a week and once again enjoying work. After several weeks, a new manager was found. My first impression of her was very much one of those people who are very up themselves. Basically, the first thing she ever said to me was, “I’m basically famous, I’m a great musician, and I’ve been in hospitality longer than you’ve been alive.” Clueless as to what to say I replied, “Cool…” which meant, she hated me from the start apparently. From day dot, the entire atmosphere of the place had changed. We had a ‘famous’ person in our midst and with that fame came bitchiness. I began to hate my work place, which I never had before. I would come into work and it would be just so negative. Being told to leave by the people around me, I would always say that no, I need my job, I need an income, it doesn’t matter if it’s not a nice place, I need it. And I’m sure so many people are in the same position. But if a place or people are having a negative impact on your life, maybe it is time to draw the line between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’.

Yesterday I missed my #postaday. The reason being was because I had a lovely hit of stress come my way. As you know from previous posts, I hate my job and I was called in for a meeting yesterday. The meeting went like this; my manager was 25 minutes late and gave no apology whatsoever, she then asked me to ‘look for another job’ and accused me of using my phone through a staff meeting/training thing I had no warning was going to happen. Which I did use my phone in the middle of a BREAK, because my mum was wondering where I was as I told her the meeting would probably be 20 minutes and turned into two hours without warning. She told me she had footage of me using my phone if I wanted to see it, to which I said ‘yes, please!’ and so I sent her my email address and asked her to send it. I also asked for a reason in writing for my dismissal to which she laughed and refused to give? She then told me to leave the premises for asking for a written reason. SOOO basically after all of that I’m planning on calling the big boss and letting him know all the things she doesn’t know I know.

Turning straight to my work group chat they all congratulated me and said this is a blessing that I’m finally out of that toxic place, which I definitely know to be true. At a time where in my head I was starting to think more positively, I just feel as though everything’s out to get me, and life just seems to be one setback after the other. The past few days I’ve been thinking that maybe University isn’t the right path and maybe I’ll just save up to be able to move out at the end of the year, and have enough money for a holiday to Fiji or Europe. I now have no hope of that happening unless I get a job soon. The thing is, I live in a place where there are no jobs. None. Even places where I know people can’t get me in because they just can’t hire. The only way getting a job for me even seems remotely possible is to move out of this stupid town, but the thing is, I can’t without money. I knew didn’t have long at this place because I was tipped off it would be shutting on July 1st, (to which this stupid manager has been left in the dark, I’m happy to say) but that still meant I had a full month to put some money away and get a new job.

I’m just so angry that I wasn’t able to quit off my own back!! And also the fact that I now work one day a week, not including school holidays, and don’t study or do anything with my life.

I know I don’t have things nearly as bad as other people, so I’m looking at this as a little life lesson to make sure in future, with my next job, to have money saved away because anything can blindsight you and happen in an instant without warning.

Okay so my second post and I thankfully have something to actually talk about. Today I got a call from my manager from that crappy job I have. (By the way, the reason I haven’t quit yet is only because I need a) money and b) something to do. There have been manyyyyyy times I’ve wanted to just storm out, don’t worry.) Ready to be called in to work on a day I haven’t been rostered, I answered. To my surprise it wasn’t concerning that, in fact another staff member has accused me of saying something that needs to be talked about. Something that’s untrue, by the way. So tomorrow I have to go in and have a meeting which is all fine because all I have to do is say what actually happened and get this solved, but she told me to bring a witness so..? I’m bringing one of my friends, but I’m kind of confused as to what’s really going to happen. Because it’s me, I feel like I’m going to be fired but at the same time, I’m a great worker and there’s literally no reason for me to be fired so… I’m sure I’m fine. Even if she does do something that impacts me I have information on a certain situation that’s been haunting all the staff that I can surprise her with and possibly get her fired so I’m sure I’ll be right. Unfortunately, what I’ve learnt from this though, is that maybe sometimes you can’t always trust who you think you can. Which is hard for me because I’m a very honest person, and therefore I’m very trusting of people and easily get hurt from it.

On hearing this news, the boyfriend called an emergency coffee date (mainly because he wanted a break from study and needed caffeine), and so off we went. Thankfully he knows all about these legal things and stuff and so I’m reassured I’ll be fine tomorrow from this stupid meeting. (Another thing: I’m one of those people who worry when they’ve got nothing to worry about!) I don’t drink coffee and so generally go for a lemon lime bitters or something like that, and because we’re greedy and have a very Gen Y sense of spending money, we went for a serve of chicken tenders to share, too.

After this I dropped him back to his studies and went to a local art store to get some more paints that I know to be on sale at this time. I also got some cheap canvases to spend some time filling in with nonsense. Yet again, painting has made me get kind of angry with myself because I can never get what I want to be on the canvas to appear. Maybe because I generally use a palette knife to apply paint rather than a brush, or maybe because I never start with anything in mind. Who knows, but lately the end products have been frustrating. I need to get back into using a pencil because I know I can use them well, but they’re so much less satisfying sometimes! I like seeing paint spread onto a canvas so easily and fill with colour, but at the same time I prefer so much more the end result graphite or charcoal leaves me with. I think I’m still finding my medium. This seems to be a common theme in my life!

Welcome to my very first blog, my non-existent readers! I’m really not expecting for anyone to ever come across this besides maybe future me cringing at myself, but here goes. I feel kind of stupid for doing this, but I feel like if I have something to write in a few times each week, maybe I’ll be able to track progress within my life, as at the moment nothing’s really going anywhere. To get started and to give you an insight of where I’m at, here’s a little bit about myself:

I’m fresh out of high school with a shockingly low ATAR not because I’m dumb, but because I give up things easily and school meant nothing to me

I’m not at University because I don’t know what I want to do, but am feeling pressured to go as I don’t want to waste time in my life as I already am

My boyfriend is in year 12 and he’s a genius who studies like anything because school matters to him and he’s basically the opposite to me in every way, which is why I love him

I work as a waitress in a job I hate with people I loathe. I used to love the place and it took myself, one barista and one chef to run. We now have about twelve staff and I hate them all; boss gave one girl an anxiety attack, new manager is dodgy as, assistant manager is dumb and doesn’t listen to me, too many chiefs, not enough indians. And I get paid less than $16 an hour. I’ve been looking for another job for the past five months

I have a second job which I actually quite love, which is violin tutoring at primary schools

Every week of my life goes like so:
MON: Day off; do nothing all day, play netball in the night
TUE: Day off; do nothing all day and all night
WED: Up at 7:45am, leave the house by 8:10 to be at my first primary school to tutor my first lesson at 8:30. Go till 11am, go home, have lunch and be at the second school for a 12pm half hour lesson. Might have work later at 4:30/5ish.
THURS: Might have work, might not, who knows.
FRI: Might have work through the day, usually have work at night from 4:30/5ish till late.
SAT: Either have work or some get together/day out with friends/family. Most of the time have work at night again.
SUN: Sunday morning/day shift at work. Busiest day of the week for it and the most stressful. Every Sunday I almost quit but then I remember I need money to live.

My car is called Bugly Betty. I love it.

This week I will be attempting to #postaday to get myself into this whole thing. Knowing me it’ll turn into #postaweek though so let’s just see what happens!

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Why is this even a thing?

Some people get things done, some dont. I fall into the category of the people who struggle to find motivation in life. Im a young adult not going to uni and slave my life away as a waiter, giving music lessons on the side, with no idea where Im going with my life, which is just so much fun. Because of this I thought why not do a Julie and Julia and start a blog and see where I go. Maybe Ill be motivated enough to do something productive at least once a week or so, and let everyone see whats up with A.