Love, Dating and Everything in Between.

Top 5 Reasons You’re not Dating

If your weekends consist of NETFLIX rental every Friday night, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re not dating. Don’t get me wrong, having a movie night every now and then is cool, but not every weekend. I’m not sure about you, but I’m definitely worthy enough to be taken out in public (especially on a good hair and outfit day). He’s not that into you if all of your time together is spent watching Coming to America and Trois I,II and III. Call me an old school modern woman (oxymoron, I know), but last time I checked, he’ll invite you to places other than HIS place if he digs you. If his idea of doing something special for you includes ordering two movies instead of one, that’s a problem.

2. Sex (The easiest one to explain, but the most difficult to conceptualize.)

If you have sex with no conversation or clear understanding of commitment, you’re not dating. And no, meeting up for happy hour and having a conversation prior to your rendezvous doesn’t count. If sex is the only thing that you’re looking for, that’s fine. However, if you’re looking for a committed relationship, sex definitely is not the way to get one. Also, please keep in mind that the act of sex doesn’t automatically give you a dating pass.

3. Texting

If all of your conversations are via text, you’re not dating. The guys I’ve dated and everyone who is semi-close to me knows how I feel about text convos while dating-I hate it. I’m an 80’s baby so I still remember when I would talk on the phone for hours on three-way and screen calls with Privacy Manager. Even into my college years texting wasn’t commonplace, especially since most of us had pre-paid Nokias with no texting capabilities –Oh, the memories. Today it’s substantially different because one would argue that texting is more commonplace than a good old-fashion verbal conversation. However, that argument should have no validity when the subject of dating is concerned because texting lacks the intimacy a verbal phone conversation has, regardless of how many kissy faces and text hearts you send. If there is a genuine interest in getting to know you, there will be an effort made that goes far beyond texting.

4. Going Dutch

You’re not dating if you always go Dutch (all the cheapskates men reading this, hear me out first). This can be a confusing situation because it’s hard to gauge intentions and/or interest solely based on a specific DPP (dating payment procedure). Always paying is not necessarily indicative of his interest, and not paying EVERY time doesn’t automatically mean he is NOT interested in dating. But, one thing is very clear: If he’s NEVER picked up the tab, you’re not dating-Nope. No excuses.

Shoutout to the homie who finalized this blog by adding the missing element of everything that is the male perspective: The classic homegirl introduction. If you’re at a social event with Tony him and he introduces you as his homegirl/homie/friend, you’re not dating. No, it wasn’t a slip up and it was definitely done on purpose. He’s just not that into you.

Did I miss anything? What are some other obvious reasons to indicate you’re not dating?

All articles shared on http://www.muffiebradshaw.com are original pieces written by Muffie Bradshaw unless otherwise stated. So in other words, don’t copy without the props! =o)

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About Muffie Bradshaw, Dating Coach

Muffie Bradshaw is an award-winning relationship blogger and dating coach who has been seen on The Steve Harvey Show. Other works include online magazines including, but not limited to, singleblackmale.org and womensforum.com. With many relationship experiences, including breakups, dating successes and disasters, Muffie knows firsthand the mistakes women should avoid when going through the ups and downs of dating. Through her writing and coaching services, Muffie specializes in helping women reach a higher level of understanding regarding their dating lives through self-assuring decision making techniques, self-reflection and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) inspired methods.

11 Responses

Quentin Robinson

I would say, your not really “dating” if the person your with doesn’t compliment you often/at all. That’s important(to some)and it shows interest whether you compliment their appearance, or even something as simple as the cologne/perfume they’re wearing.

I agree with all of them except for the last one. I think the introduction depends on how long you’ve been seeing the person. If you’ve only been going out for a couple weeks and you run into a friend of his, I wouldn’t expect to be introduced as a girlfriend. Then again, it’s always easier to just say “this is (name)” instead of giving the person a label so soon.

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I love this…I think that standards have gotten so low these days, that few women (and men) realize what dating, or a date it, what communicating is and how to build a relationship of true substance with another person.