This is a really good story. It is interesting to find an 18 year old Harry that does not have a connection with Ron and Hermione. I would really like to see the rest of this story. Please continue. Thank you for sharing your tallent. p

parakletosWednesday 4th February 2009 02:55

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

Illness continues to getting the way of writing but I am slowly inching towards completing the next chapter.

“I look forward to your next review, if only for your creative spelling.”

That brought tears to my eyes! Horrible decorum of me to criticize someone who has much more talent than I without taking the time to proof read and spell check. I will endeavor to make sure it does not happen again.

“You have to ask yourself this; given what we know about Black so far how do you think this would change his upbringing? If you can’t make that leap then you will be disappointed by the story at very many levels.”

I had to re-read the story as I thought I missed something, but if I’m not mistaken all we know is that Harry lives with him, the war is over, and Bella was abused and also lives with them. Did I miss anything?

Given that. I have to assume that Cannon is correct to this point in that he did go to Azkaban, but that he did not die as in Cannon, but Harry went to live with him.

I do realize that we do not have much if any back story yet and some things will be made clear in the future, but I can only review on the information I have so far and you did not do a prologue that points out possible differences from Cannon to the start of you story so this review really may become obsolete as more details are released.

Please do not take any of my reviews as flames as that is not the spirit in which I give them. I admit to being a HP fanfic junkie and read daily for the last couple of years and have 0 talent to be able to actually write a story.

I simply try to play the devils advocate as it were since there are plenty of people out there to give fluffy reviews without substance. I will also try to do better with also pointing out what is very good about the story.

With that in mind…

“I might have guessed that old fruit would have known. Meddling bum-bandit, why couldn't he keep out of everyone's life just for once?”

Nice! I laughed the first time I read it and even harder the second time. I always like the witty sarcastic Harry. Just never could stand the Dracoinzation (how’s that one) of Harry.

I humbly place my slapped fingers in my pockets and await future chapters.

Ty

parakletosSunday 14th December 2008 04:13

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

Thanks for coming back

All I would say is that I think you have missed things from the chapter and that its is worth keeping your powder try and watch as events transpire. In AU I keep my cards close to my chest and as one friend said about the next chapter ' I revealed everything and nothing!'

Illness is hampering the next chapter so it may be a few weeks before you see it.

I like the premise of the story and have enjoyed others along the same vain, however I must say that I hate the pure blood Harry. He is rarely likable so I'm really hoping you will dramatically tone it down as well as the bashing of everyone that is not pure blood.

If he grew up with his godfather I find it very hard if not impossiable to believe that his character would be changed so drastically as Sirius hated that aspect of his home life and as for it all being because of Bella...I just do not buy it. Harry can act the part when he needs to but by making that his actual personality you are taking so much of what makes Harry such a likable character. You may of well of made this story about Draco as that is exactly how he is acting and it is not becoming.

You did not make it clear. Has Harry never attended Hogwarts? The way Bella talked this is the first time Harry has attended?

I'm not so sure that I like the back handed compliments to the Weasley's which are really mild insults. Is you story a reversal of cannon in that the good in cannon is now bad and the bad in cannon is now good? I surly hope not.

For now I lok forward to more as I may have jummped the gun in my thoughts and if not then well the story had potential.

parakletosTuesday 2nd December 2008 13:06

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

I like the premise of the story and have enjoyed others along the same vain, however I must say that I hate the pure blood Harry. He is rarely likable so I'm really hoping you will dramatically tone it down as well as the bashing of everyone that is not pure blood.

If you reread his conversation with Bella you will have Harry’s blood status confirmed. He bashes everyone that he feels has used and abused him. I am not aware that Remus Lupin or Albus Dumbledore are anything but purebloods.

If he grew up with his godfather I find it very hard if not impossiable to believe that his character would be changed so drastically as Sirius hated that aspect of his home life and as for it all being because of Bella...I just do not buy it. Harry can act the part when he needs to but by making that his actual personality you are taking so much of what makes Harry such a likable character. You may of well of made this story about Draco as that is exactly how he is acting and it is not becoming.

You have to ask yourself this; given what we know about Black so far how do you think this would change his upbringing? If you can’t make that leap then you will be disappointed by the story at very many levels.

You did not make it clear. Has Harry never attended Hogwarts? The way Bella talked this is the first time Harry has attended?

No, I didn’t. Perhaps Bella was right?

I'm not so sure that I like the back handed compliments to the Weasley's which are really mild insults. Is you story a reversal of cannon in that the good in cannon is now bad and the bad in cannon is now good? I surly hope not.

Yes, they are insults. And no, its not a reversal of cannon, its far more complicated than that.

For now I lok forward to more as I may have jummped the gun in my thoughts and if not then well the story had potential.

Given you previous comments, I’m surprised (pleasantly) that you will be reading more. You have to accept that you will not have everything explained to you immediately and some things you will never know.

I look forward to your next review, if only for your creative spelling.

I’m really interested in knowing what happened to cause the Weasley-Potter betrothal to be arranged. What kind of a disgrace would necessitate such a drastic pact? I’m a bit confused as to who is the debtor. From the prologue I thought it was Cyriac, but in chapter 1 the “pound of flesh” would come from Harry if the debt is not settled, making it sound like Joshua Potter was the one in debt. Or is Black just saying that Harry would suffer if he rejected the payment? I’m hoping that more of the backstory will be revealed in later chapters.

“She is untouchable. No one, save her family, can have any physical contact with her.” How awful for Ginny! Considering neither she nor her mother know about the marriage contract, she must think there’s something wrong with herself -- no hand-holding with a boy, no sympathetic hug from a friend -- that’s just cruel!

How long has it been since Voldemort was defeated? I’m asking mostly because, like Harry, I’m wondering why he wasn’t told about this marriage arrangement prior to the evening before leaving for Hogwarts. Or maybe that was why -- tell him at the last minute so he has less time to hex Black.

“Do not judge your enemy by his mistakes but by his accomplishments. His mistakes are the means by which you bring about his downfall, but his accomplishments are the way in which he achieves yours.”
“This marriage is unavoidable; do not let your anger destroy any chance of love before it has had the opportunity to flower."
Great nuggets of wisdom from aunt to nephew. I really like Bellatrix (never thought I’d say that!) and, considering how Black and Dumbledore have treated him, I can understand why she’s so important to Harry.

“Was she not the one who had equipped him with the skills necessary to negate the handicap of his mixed parentage?” Interesting…. So why did Harry fight Voldemort? Apparently ideological differences weren’t part of the picture in this version of Mr. Potter. Was it because of the murders committed by Death Eaters or was he pushed and manipulated into being the instrument of Tom’s demise?

The characters and relationships are so interesting after only one chapter, reminding me of why you’re one of my favorite authors. I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with the Weasleys. Thanks for an intriguing new story.

parakletosTuesday 2nd December 2008 12:55

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

I’m really interested in knowing what happened to cause the Weasley-Potter betrothal to be arranged. What kind of a disgrace would necessitate such a drastic pact? I’m a bit confused as to who is the debtor. From the prologue I thought it was Cyriac, but in chapter 1 the “pound of flesh” would come from Harry if the debt is not settled, making it sound like Joshua Potter was the one in debt. Or is Black just saying that Harry would suffer if he rejected the payment? I’m hoping that more of the backstory will be revealed in later chapters.

Sirius was pointing out that failure to complete the contract and the Weasley’s providing the ‘consideration’ would mean that the Potters had ro hence the effect on Harry’s magic.

How long has it been since Voldemort was defeated? I’m asking mostly because, like Harry, I’m wondering why he wasn’t told about this marriage arrangement prior to the evening before leaving for Hogwarts. Or maybe that was why -- tell him at the last minute so he has less time to hex Black.

Harry defeated Voldemort during the previous school year. Hogwarts did not open last year.

“Do not judge your enemy by his mistakes but by his accomplishments. His mistakes are the means by which you bring about his downfall, but his accomplishments are the way in which he achieves yours.”

“This marriage is unavoidable; do not let your anger destroy any chance of love before it has had the opportunity to flower."

Great nuggets of wisdom from aunt to nephew. I really like Bellatrix (never thought I’d say that!) and, considering how Black and Dumbledore have treated him, I can understand why she’s so important to Harry.

When I write AU I try and reverse some roles and this is one of them.

“Was she not the one who had equipped him with the skills necessary to negate the handicap of his mixed parentage?”

Interesting…. So why did Harry fight Voldemort? Apparently ideological differences weren’t part of the picture in this version of Mr. Potter. Was it because of the murders committed by Death Eaters or was he pushed and manipulated into being the instrument of Tom’s demise?

Harry was raised as the child of the prophecy and trained accordingly. For all his bitterness he was no friend of Tom.

The characters and relationships are so interesting after only one chapter, reminding me of why you’re one of my favourite authors. I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with the Weasleys. Thanks for an intriguing new story.

You twist of the characters\' relationships and personalities looks like it will make this version of \'marriage contract H/G\' an interesting one. Sounds like this Harry may harbor more anger and less compassion than canon Harry.....and can we trust Aunt Bella\'s description of Ginny as \'gentle of nature....not given to loud opinions, and.....applies herself diligently to tasks befitting a lady\' ? Hmm......I\'ll be waiting eagerly for your next update to see where this goes!

Edit: lame review filter....wow.

parakletosSunday 23rd November 2008 11:51

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

I've been caught by the lame filter too !

Yes, Harry is angry. Bella is redeemed but troubled and Ginny? Stay tuned.

Well, I'm a lousy friend and an absent beta, but... I don't see a single thing that could have been improved by my input. I like the Victorian formality, and you write Harry's frustration very believably. Well done, my friend!

parakletosSunday 23rd November 2008 11:49

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

Well, I'm a lousy friend and an absent beta, but... I don't see a single thing that could have been improved by my input. I like the Victorian formality, and you write Harry's frustration very believably. Well done, my friend!

This is fantastic. AU H/G is always good and this seems like a new take on it. I am curious as to why they haven't met before - where did Harry attend school anyhow? And if he's 18, would that make Hogwarts a post-secondary institution? or is he teaching? or have the ages for attendance changed? All questions which I'm sure will be answered in the next chapter. I'm just eager :-)

Interesting take on Bellatrix and Sirius. The family dynamic is great to read and having a Slytherin Harry offers so much potential for the characters.

parakletosSunday 23rd November 2008 11:46

Chapter 1 (Author Response)

Hogwarts was closed the previous year due to the war so Harry's year didn't get to finish school so they're going back to fionish. Thus H&G will both be in year 7.

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