Yet another reminder that adolescence is the worst: several students were hospitalized after the world’s best indicator of juvenile dating instincts was released in their school. You know of what I speak — that silly little scent that every eighth grade boy assumed was A+, completely ignoring the fact that, after spraying themselves, everyone gave him a good four foot radius of space for the next few hours? That’s right, I’m talking about Axe body spray.

Apparently, somebody “released” a can of every SAE’s fave pseudo-cologne in a Brooklyn school which led to several students requiring medical attention. As a side note, is this similar to releasing the Dogs of War? Or is it more like jerking off and releasing — well, you know. I’m just curious to understand how one “releases” Axe, unless they just mean “spray.” #axeprobs

Anyway, a statement from the Department of Education stated that “EMS transported eight students to the hospital, and parents of two students took them to their own doctors,” which is all terribly frightening, but fortunately, there were no serious injuries. Nevertheless, it is alarming (if a little hilarious) that the world’s least appealing cologne is actually noxious to some.

Side note: A few months ago, I gave my boyfriend cologne after telling him I like a nice, distinct scent on dudes (I occasionally get men’s products to try and so I figured it would be fun to use him as a willing guinea pig). I wound up picking Calvin KleinEncounter, a pretty rad scent that smells fresh and crisp. I wish I could say I gave it to him because I thought he’d like it, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it was also because I felt mildly afraid he might wind up grabbing some random bottle of Axe from the grocery store. I have ulterior motives and am a bad person, I know. :( But in retrospect, maybe my instincts were simply protecting my health…