The standby logic used to be pretty dependent on the work requeueing
behavior that changed when we switched to WQ_NON_REENTRANT. It was also
very fragile.

Restructure things so that:
- We clear WRITE_PENDING when we set STANDBY. This ensures we will
requeue work when we wake up later.
- con_work backs off if STANDBY is set. There is nothing to do if we are
in standby.
- clear_standby() helper is called by both con_send() and con_keepalive(),
the two actions that can wake us up again. Move the connect_seq++
logic here.