With the new year, thot I'd start a new thread since some of us are affected by HIV, dealing with the aftereffects of CSA plus a physically-debilitating disease. And, no, this one doesn't directly involve shingles, but y'all were terrific support over the 3-month course of my second bout. (The Gabapentin takes care of the worst of the neuropathy but is like a damn sleeping pill).

As relates to CSA, the connection is pretty simple: Subsequent to my abuse as a teenager by my high school guidance counselor, my adolescent mind concluded that, if I wasn't worthy of respect by adopted custodial parents or anyone else, my best value (which would at least earn me the appearance of intimacy) was as a sexual object. This continued into adulthood, with even my father's pastor attempting to seduce me the night Dad died. Yeah, is that one sick SOB or what?

I've been poz for over 20 years. I've dealt with long term clincal depression, a couple suicide attempts and was diagnosed with PTSD in the past year.

Via my T and a doctor to whom he referred me on shingles treatment, I was directed to an HIV/meds study. They were finally able to obtain their "kits" from the pharmaceutical company this month. I just had my first draw, urinalysis and EKG yesterday. Results will trickle in for the next 2½ weeks, primarily determining HIV genome.

I think it's likely I'll be accepted. Otherwise this will be a short thread. What it means is that I'd have access to advanced HIV med treatment worth tens of thousands of dollars and detailed testing worth thousands for at least the next couple of years, possibly longer. As I've examined my journals the first ten years of HIV, I was pretty shocked to discover just how prevalent the extreme fatigue has been since the beginning. I'm hoping I eventually have a comparable experience to those enrolled in related studies on similar meds who actually start to feel normal. It would be life-changing for me and I'd like to chronicle it here for my brothers similarly affected.

The month long wait for the "kits" was frustrating. I wanted to get this underway. Though I'm not terribly concerned about the profile of my particular HIV genome, it will nevertheless determine my eligibility. That's out of my hands for 2½ weeks. Potentially more worrisome is my reaction to the medication: whether I'll be throwing up every morning and/or if I'll develop disfiguring lipodystrophy ("buffalo hump"). In short, I'm not looking for suggestions – been there, done that and survived without 'em - as I'm looking for a place to vent from time to time.

And, well, there's my warped signature humor that's gotten me thru other issues. I'd say you have no idea how much it helps, but you DO know. To wit and to start, I'll recycle the blood draw vid...and that should start the fun (I'm counting on your equally-insensitive contributions Pero, Gary, Lee and all!):

I know a lot about Gabapentin. I've had some strange experiences after taking my pills, especially if on an empty stomach. vertigo, sea sickness like feeling etc.

when I first began taking it the doctor told me I needed to get used to it. That took a month! Quadruple vision, spinning room, etc. It's been helpful for killing that tiny sharp needle foot asleep type nerve pain 24/7!

I am HIV negative last time I was checked. I've been foot dragging when it comes to getting tested for HIV again. I need to go soon.

Good for you landing this new test! I hope it turns out to be a magic bullet! In the meanwhile I'm sending healing vibes your way...

Hey, Human, welcome to the HIV asylum, so to speak, and thanks for the compliment (I have spel chek).

I was a little weird starting the Gaba a month ago myself. Some MS folk will attest to that!. But I'm okay on 300mg at bedtime and it's pretty much nixed the need for any painkillers otherwise, which is a huge relief. I'm impressed with it.

Foot dragging is an interesting term to use Human. Since my shingles was my right leg, one of the guys christened me "Pizza Leg." Oh, you're our kinda guy! Quad vision? Wow. That's really kewl! (PM me anytime if you're concerned about the HIV test, btw...glad to hold your hand on it).

And, Gary, always coming thru! I'd prefer "Elephant Man" if I could have the one w/Cher, however. ;-P HOW did you miss that? I will definitely email Epix Drive-In and suggest they add you're "Came From Within" title to their lineup. Naturally you've forced me to invoke Carrie Fisher:

Try 400mg 7xs daily, thanks to a botched back surgery, gah! It took a long long time to find my Gaba rhythm, but I feel it was worth it. If only we could fix the spine more easily We can all hope and dream...

I dunno why, Jude, but she's my All Time Fave. If Turner Classic has a Bette Davis night, everything comes to a screeching, immediate halt here (probably a good reason to invest in the DVR this year, huh?).

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