Montreal Canadiens to Auction Off 1916 Stanley Cup for Birth in 2001 Playoffs

"A great deal for all involved."

MONTREAL: With Hall of Famer Bernard "Boom Boom" Geoffreon
recently auctioning off personal effects from his days with the Montreal
Canadiens for his grandchildrens' education, and former Montreal
superstar Guy Lafleur pondering the same, Montreal Canadiens President
Pierre Boivin announced at a press conference today that the Montreal
Canadiens will be auctioning off their 1916 Stanley Cup championship
in exchange for a birth as the 8th seed in this season's playoffs.

The Habs, one of the most storied franchises in the history of
professional sports, currently sit 15 points out of the eighth and
final playoff spot in the National Hockey League's Eastern
Conference. With less than a month remaining in the regular season,
the team found itself on the verge of missing the post-season for
the third season in a row; the first time that this would have happened
in almost 80 years.

That is, until the development of this "innovative and bold"
agreement between the franchise and the NHL, in the words of NHL
Commissioner Gary Bettman, who spoke at the conference via speaker
phone.

"The Montreal Canadiens are a franchise steeped in a tradition
of excellence-a tradition that, due to some bad drafting or trading
or something like that, has been broken," said Bettman.

Under the terms of the agreement between les glorieux'
and the NHL, the Canadiens will be trading away ownership of their
first Stanley Cup, won in the 1915-16 season, in exchange for the
aforementioned 8th seed in this spring's Stanley Cup playoffs,
where they are certain to be devoured quickly by either the Ottawa
Senators or New Jersey Devils in the first round.

Montreal coach Michel Therrien running
the troops through practice.
"we'er going to the playoffs!
How the hell did this happen?"

"Anyone who was involved in the 1916 Cup victory is dead,
so it's not like there'll be that much of an uproar from
the players-hell, we're going on 100 years," said Boivin.
Furthermore, he added: "Besides, this still leaves us with
23 Stanley Cups-10 more than the Leafs."

Boivin also did not rule out the possibility of the Canadiens trading
a package of cups from the unprecedented five in a row that the
team won between 1956-60 for either the North East division championship
or a bye to the Eastern Conference final next season, when pressed
by Montreal reporter Rejean Tremblay.

Bettman weighed in on this possibility as well: "The National
Hockey League is always eager to demonstrate its commitment to hockey
in.......Canada."

"The playoffs just are not the same without the legendary Montreal
Canadiens," commented Canadiens owner in waiting George Gilette,
speaking from a downtown Montreal street corner, as he was denied
access to the conference.

At this time it is undetermined who will acquire the rights to
the 1916 Stanley Cup, although rumoured candidates include the New
York Rangers, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder and Rene Angelil,
the husband of pop chanteuse Celine Dion.