I’m powerless

June 14, 2008

Not before the eyes of an unknowable god; we have an understanding. Rather, Ottawa Hydro shut off my electricity. There were vauge claims made towards unpaid bills, hurtful words were exchanged, night descended. The nonpayment was the result of my limited conception of time, and lacking a key to my mailbox, as opposed to some financial insolvency.

My usual reminder to pay the bill comes in form of red pamphlet, hammered into my door with a railroad spike, to the effect of: “Pay yo’ bill cracka…we will cut you”. I then pay my bill. On this particular occasion they cut straight to the end game and stoneaged me without warning…a direct violation of our unspoken covenant. In protest I ate cereal, alone, in the dark…then lay down on what I hope was my bed.

Initially I was set on defiance. Man lived without power for thousands of years, I could brave it the two weeks I had left before the move. Then I saw my grossly obese cat, sweat sheathed and ungainly, pedaling the tiny bicycle she had hooked up to her heart and lung machine. I relented and paid my bill. This proved insufficient.

It turns out mere monetary compensation wasn’t enough…I needed to be humbled before the punitive might of hydro. Not only did I need to pay my bill, plus a reconnection fee, plus a 200$ unreliable jackass surtax…I also needed to wait in my apartment until a technician came, my bank receipt in my hand like a paupers writ.

Their technicians, it was explained to me, are a nomadic lot than can’t possibly estimate when they might be in my part of town. I was given (without exaggeration) a four day window of time that I was to remain in my apartment… bereft of unspoiled food, power, and the basic decency accorded timely bill payers. Eventually a friendly, if recently incarcerated, gentleman arrived. Lacking the necessary keys he jimmed his way into my apartment power room with a butter knife, pulled a switch, and laughed about how our shoddy wiring ensured a fire any day now.

I assume the electricain was right about the fire, at least some warmth was enjoyed (looking at the picture above). The other bonus about the fire being that you dont have to move much, and now have the joy of Insurance companies….they are so much more fun to play with than simple power company.
Hope the fire was nice.