BLAH

Earlier today - you know, it's for the best that we ignore all "Raven
teachers the Germ to be hardcore while actually making fun of him" bits.
Even if Raven's funny.

Open. We are one week from WM - but tonight, we're stuck in WWF New York (in
New York.)

Raven (w/shopping cart) is out to talk. Raven will defend his title at
WM, and he will beat the giants. Fate, destiny and pain.

Tazz and Michael Cole are dressed like they're on spring break,
because MTV is.

Lightheavyweight Champion Crash (w/Molly Holly) vs Perry Saturn (w/Dean
Malenko, a 4adicals shirt and a floppy hat and Last Week but w/o Terri) in a
non-title match - Crash seems surprised to see that belt there, like
"oh yeah, I'm champ!". Terri's sick. I think Saturn stole that hat
from Droz. Saturn beats Crash down in the corner to start, backed up by
the ref and Crash cradles him for 2. Waistlock by Crash, Saturn gets to the
ropes but Crash manages a sunset flip for 2. Off the ropes, flying headscissors,
'rana for 2. Dean's on the apron, Crash goes for him but Dean gets out of the
way and Saturn hits a superkick. Suplex on to the top rope, and punch to the
floor. Pick up, and run into the corner. Now Saturn backs Molly away, rolls in
the ring, rolls out, picks up Crash and runs him back first into the stairs.
Back in, back out, Crash in, Perry in, cover for 2. Bad camera angle on the um,
Tazz calls it a corkscrew suplex and that works. Brainbuster, and Crash might be
done here. Perry's gonna take time to yell first then put on a chin lock. Crash
elbows out, off the ropes, knee to the head, off the ropes and Saturn pushes him
through the ropes. Crash up to he apron, shot the midsection, catapult into a
sunset flip, Perry has the ropes, ref Jack Doan kicks Saturn's hands free
and Crash complete it for a 2. Drop toe hold on to the second rope by Crash. Right,
right, whip, reversed clothesline misses, back elbow hits by Crash. Off the
ropes, Perry with a clothesline. Saturn yells to Dean, and then points his
thumb down. Corner whip - charge in but Crash gets a boot up, off the second
rope but Saturn catches him and puts him back down on the top rope, hard shot to
the head, shot the back as Saturn goes up - Crash fights back and pushes him
down to the mat - top rope 'rana. Acid Drop, one, Dean's on the apron and Crash
goes after him. The ref checks on Saturn, Crash turns around and is tripped.
While Jack is yelling at Dean, Molly is up on the top rope - Molly Go Round (the
450 Thesz Press) on Saturn. Can Crash make the cover? Well, Dean's over to Molly
so we'll never know. Crash grabs Dean, Dean hotshots Crash, Saturn hits the
corkscrew fisherman's suplex and that's it (4:48) Oh, that's the new moss
covered three handed grundza.

Last Friday, Aerosmith dropped by. Tazz and APA vs RTC at WM. Also, the Rock
and Steve Austin, their way.

this is a European Champion vs Haku for the European Title - Did Cole
say "Pay Per U"? Eddie to be here later. Lockup, knee from Haku,
right, right, right, whip, back elbow. Right, whip, clothesline misses, Test's
doesn't. Turnbuckle smash, and Haku shows why that doesn't work. Test goes to
kicks, and they seem to be working better. Now punches, not wise. Whip,
spinning (1.5) side slam and a two count. Headbutt - no really Test. He tries it
again, and hurts himself. Test must not want to hold on to the belt, if he keeps
doing such stupid things. Kick. Right, pummeling by Haku. Test staggers right
into a headbutt. Cover for 2. Stomp. Chop. "Piss", said by Tazz, is
muted out. Stomp. Choke. Break, and Test gets back in it with , right, right,
right, Haku blocked, right, no back suplex by Haku. Yell. Running elbow drop.
Another elbow drop. Cover for 2. Right. Chop, and Test is staggered against the
ropes. Choke. Shot to the back. Shot to the back. Camel Clutch. Inverted atomic
drop. Up to the second rope - frog splash? It missed, whatever it was. Right,
right by Meng, rights by Test, whip, head down too soon, Haku gets a kick, Test
knocks him down with a clothesline. And another. Corner whip, Haku rebounds out
with a full nelson release slam, cover for 2. "One second away - one second
away!" Right, right, off the ropes, and right into a Samoan Drop. Meng with
the Tongan Death Grip Dance - but Test comes out of the corner with the big
boot. He's done (4:38)

Eddie Guerrero is out and he has something to say. "Now, I have
come out here, homies, to let you in on a little something. Now I know this may
come as a shock - it might [starts talking slower] be even a little hard for you
all to understand. See, I've noticed one thing here in America, education is not
really a top priority. [Eddie Sucks] Now, wait a minute, I'm not saying you all
are stupid or anything, I've just noticed it takes you all a little more time to
understand what people are saying. Basically, you're dumb. Now I'm gonna let you
in on a little secret - you're European champion, that paco, that loco? He's not
European, HELLO, that doesn't make any sense, does it? I mean, come on, he's not
even American, ese, he's from another country, he's from Canada - he had to
cross the river to get here! Now, I find it myself, being that I have European
blood in me, to get that European belt right back where it belongs, around my
waist. Where it means something. See, along with Commissioner Regal, I was the
European Champion that y'all have ever seen. So, I owe to my European ancestors,
to do this. I am an issuing now, to you Test, if you can pull yourself away from
the mirror for two seconds, that means, yea, put your hairdryer down, put your
brush down, and listen to what I have to say. At WrestleMania, in front of all
America, no, in front of all the world, especially the world, it's gonna take me
just that long - two seconds - to kick your ass and become the next European
champion. ┐Comprende ese vato?"

the Hardy Boyz (w/Lita and Last Monday) vs Kai En Tai (w/flags) -
"Hardy Boyz, you process high flying ability, lighting fast speed and
incredible agility - as well as, Jeff, well you are very cute. Uh, I mean, Lita,
Lita yes, Lita you make me want to sing. Lovely Lita meter maid, nothing can come
between us. Kai En Tai will become the G in your G-String tonight, because you
may be lovely, but we are eeeeeevil!" "inDEED" Lockup, headlock
by Matt, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over the drop down,
dropkick by Funaki. Right, right, celebration, oops Mat's ready not and punching him
down in the corner. Turnbuckle smash, tag to Jeff. Double team kick down in the corner, whip by Jeff, clothesline misses, Funaki hits the flying
headscissors. Funaki reaches Jeff's arm out to make a tag, oh, it's not close
enough to so Funaki will tag Matt's head. That annoys Matt, but the ref stops
him - Funaki is stopped with a jawbreaker, but manages to stop Jeff before he
can get to the corner - though he still gets a take down and a drop toe hold.
Tag to Taka, tag to Mat. Punch for Taka, punch for Funaki, whip, clothesline on
TAKA. Gutwrench suplex on Funaki. Slam on Matt. Going to the second rope -
legdrop. Cover for 2 but Funaki breaks it up, punch is blocked, Matt goes for
the Twist Of Fate but Taka breaks that up and superkicks Matt. Jeff throws
Funaki out of the ring, but Funaki pulls him out - apron shot, but Lita with the
swinging 'rana on Funaki. Matt has control back in the ring - Poetry in Motion,
Twist of Face, Swanton Bomb, no problems here. (2:44) Here's a replay of
the swinging 'rana.

Raven talks and says nothing much. I believe Tazz and Michael Cole mention
the WWF buying WCW 10 seconds after they go off the air, but we'll never know.
See you Monday.