Depression Support Group

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Lost, sad, and so much more

I hope I'm doing this right, I've never posted in a place like this before. To start let me give some background.

I am a 30 year old male, my (ex)fiancee is 33 and we have one son, who is 2 year old. I met her while living on the west coast - I am originally from NY. We started off as friends (worked in the same company) and made the transition to dating, and so on. Within 3 months of our relationship she became pregnant and we made a decision to move back east where the cost of living is less and I could provide a better life for us. We've been here for just under 2 years. The first year went good enough. The latter part of the second year began the breakdown. According to her, her feelings for me began changing late '07. It wasn't just one thing, but many. She tells me it's our arguing, my not willing to meet her half ways on things, us not doing things on the weekend that she likes (hiking, exploring, traveling) and that she doesn't have any friends here. Fast forward to mid-March '08 - things are feeling worse than ever between us. She tells me she wants to start spending time with her girlfriend at work. On 3 separate occasions (saturdays or sundays) in a month's time frame she goes out at night, 6 or 7pm and doesn't get back till 10 to 12 midnight. We both share accounts with our cell phones and because she used to (in the past) have a tendency to go over the TXT messages, I always check it. It was during this timeframe of her now wanting to hang out with her friend that I stated looking more closely at the bill. One thing I noticed was this guy at her work, his cell # would be on the bill alot. I questioned her on it and she would tell me it was just business (to be fair she had recently gotten a promotion the month before and this new job had alot more work involved). So I let it go. However, I then began to notice that at times when she claimed she called her girlfriend to go hang out, HIS # would be on the phone record. She dismissed this as a cell phone company error. Then, the last time she "went out with her girlfriend" she came home with a birthday gift for our son who recently turned 2. I had my suspicions as to who the gift was really from, but left it at that. The following day I went to her work to pick her up (as usual), except this time I went inside to talk to her girlfriend to thank her for the gift. To condense the conversation with her, I'll just say that she never gave the mother of my child the gift, they are not friends at all outside of work, etc. etc. Well I confronted her with this and she told me that her girlfriend doesn't like me for some reason as was told not to talk to me (theres more to this but is not relevant). So....the next day I go to work, but she drags her feet in the morning, and tells me she will get a lift from the valet service the company she works for...shes done this once or twice in past, so I was okay with it, I guess. Now instead of me going to work, I decide to go to her work and have a long talk with her girlfriend. Basically I find out that everything she's told me was a lie, that they never were friends-friends, never saw each other outside of work, never talked, that she never mentioned to anyone that we had a baby together, and told them that I was an "ex", so needless to say this blows up that night between us with major arguing. It took several more days for her to confess that those nights she was out she was hanging out with this guy from her work; she however though swears nothing happened. That he was truly a friend, someone to talk to about all our problems, and that was that. She says she didn't want to tell me because she knew i would get mad. She says that she hasn't loved me like she once did for several months now. And says that if there is a chance at us getting back together, we need to start over, become friends once again, and see what happens. Unfortunately I am not taking this very well. I am:

#1 scared that she is with another guy (even though I've asked her 100 times, she always swears she has never cheated)
#2 scared that my family is being destroyed
#3 seriously depressed - i don't eat right anymore, many days of nothing but drinks (non-alcoholic) and candy bars and tums for upset stomach/heartburn - i cannot function properly at work - and just so so lost.

Please forgive the length, but I wanted to get in as much detail as possible. I love my son, and I love her, I would do anything in the world for them. If I lose her, I feel my world will collapse.

I'm sorry you are going through this. The only advice I have is to do what you think is best. Either try to work it out or break it off but those are obvious answers that you probably already knew. I hope things go better for you.

Im sorry ur going thru this mess w ur wife. I think u should tell her its time to make up her mind who she wants. This &quot;playing the field&quot; is horse shit. She's been lying to u for all this time &amp; now its &quot;we're just friends&quot;. I dont think so.

Sorry to be so blunt but i think she IS cheating on u &amp; u need to decide if ur gonna let her get away w it or nip it in the bud now.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??

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