My brother-in-law is attracted towards me

TNN | May 31, 2018, 16:40 IST

Question: I have recently got married, and my husband and I live with his younger brother. He is unemployed and I treat him like my younger brother. But lately, I have been feeling that he is attracted towards me. Once we were sleeping on the same bed, I realised he was touching me at inappropriate places. Then, he stares me all the time and wants to accompany me wherever I go, even to the local market. How should I confess this to my husband? As I mentioned, we are newly married and I don't share a great rapport with him. Will he even trust what I am saying?
—By Anonymous

Response by Ms Nayamat Bawa: I would start by congratulating you for marriage. This is a very crucial stage of your relationship wherein you are just discovering your partner and establishing mutual understand and trust.

I can imagine how uncomfortable you feel in your brother-in-law’s presence. It is, perhaps, a constant threat around you and his unemployment makes things even worse. However, you are the only one who can stand up for yourself.

Having said that, it is important you start setting boundaries with him. Be as vocal as you can get on the things that bother you. If he insists on coming with you to the market, tell him assertively that you can go yourself and would like it that way. If he comes and sits next to you on your bed, be vocal about you not being okay with it. The meeker and scared you will be, the more courage he will gain. In fact, he might slowly advance to more and more such instances. Be assertive and be vocal!

Your safety should be your prime concern, he seems like a perpetrator. Every time you ignore his advancements, it will only encourage him to do more, and this will induce a lot of fear within you. Try to never be alone with him and if you have to, keep an emergency number on your speed dial list.

About involving you husband. I understand your concern about being newly married and perhaps, these are some very major accusations to make on a family member. However, It is the best to tell your husband about your discomfort. You do not have to say it in an accusing manner, but just make him aware about it.

All the best to you! May you gather all the courage to fight this situation! And remember, this is not your fault and you never have to feel guilty about his behaviour.

Nayamat Bawa is the Head Psychologist at IWill Therapy App by EpsyClinic

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