LOIS LERNER – OBAMA/IRS FALL GIRL – GOES TO JAIL!!

After being found in contempt, the usually uuber-silent Lois Lerner turned loquacious in lock up at the new Eric Holder Federal prison. She was swept away by Darrel Issa (R. CA) in handcuffs and put in a jailhouse transport bus this afternoon. Ms. Lerner was in tears then burst into screams of terror when she saw the bus was the Crossroads Express and driven by none other than Karl Rove. Mr. Rove caged Ms. Lerner at the back of the bus and drove her to the prison that opened just two days earlier.

The tears on Lois Lerner’s cheeks dissipated when she learned that the prison was managed under the rules written by the acting attorney general. To her delight, she found that the jail was Co-Con (men and women convicts housed together in perfect harmony), free of hispanics, blacks and gays whom Mr. Holder feels should not be humiliated by racist, white right wingers. Blacks, hispanics and gays convicted of any crimes are asked to “not do that anymore” and let free to be good boys and girls. Ms. Lerner could not be afforded that luxury, however, because she is a woman and, by Holder’s beliefs, all white women are evil and deserve a fate worse than death, no matter what party they affiliate with. Lois yelled out “I AM ON YOUR SIDE! I AM A SOCIALIST! HAVE PITY ON ME!” but the cries fell on deaf ears. The guards had their orders and that was that. Lerner would spend the next six months in lock-up, lefty or not.

When she was taken to her eight foot square cell and saw that there was only one bunk, she was happy that at least she wouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of her crimes with a loud mouthed, tattooed woman. The faint smile on her quivering lips left in dramatic fashion when the cell door was opened a few minutes later.

“Yo mama! Aren’t you that woman what was on TV? Yeah! You’re that Lois Lane chick! Dang! I have hit the jackpot!” an elated man of two hundred muscular pounds chiseled on a six foot frame bellowed out.

“Lerner! Lois Lerner you bastard. What are you doing in my cell? I know you! You’re that Tea Party guy that cheated on his taxes in 2012. Thought that donating to an anti-abortion charity was tax deductible. Bastard! Get out of here!” she said standing nose to chin to Tony Anello who was doing twenty eight years for tax evasion after claiming his donation of $100 as deductible.

“Chicky, I ain’t going nowhere! It’s you, me and one bunk for as long as you’re in jail. It’s party time Ms. Lane!” Anello said as he was taking off his orange prison jumpsuit.

“LERNER! Obama damn you! I’m not spending another minute with you” Lois yelled as she walked over to the steel door then screamed out ” GUARD! GUARD! get me out! I’ll talk! I’ll tell you everything! Get Bill O’Reilly here! I’ll tell him everything. GUARD!!”

One hour later, Lois Lerner was taken out of the co-con cell and spilled her guts to an astonished Bill O’Reilly.

“Miss Lerner. You asked for this, what do you want to say? And remember, this is a No Spin zone. One lie and you go back to Tony Anello whom I hear can be quite voracious in a one bunk cell” O’Reilly said while spinning a pencil around and over two fingers.

“They made me do it! And now they put me in prison. Oh my Obama. Obama damn them!”

“Are you saying the POTUS put you up to targeting conservative groups that may or may not oppose the administration?”

“Not Obama! My Obama, how can you be so stupid O’Reilly?

“I notice that you insert ‘Obama’ where some folk would inject ‘God’. Are you of the opinion that Obama is Lord Almighty?”

“Then who put you up to it, as you claim Ms. Lane?” The pencil fell on the floor but O’Reilly didn’t pick it up.

“L-E-R-N-E-R. LERNER! Lois Lerner! Are all you Tea Partyers that effing dumb? My Obama. This is SO wrong. It was Hillary Clinton! Or Sir Hillary as you would say. Hillary made me do it! She said that I should audit every sonbitchin conservative. Get them all in jail! The racist GOP party will go away as fast as an Arkansas lawyer. That old carpet kissing bitch! She made me do it and I have proof. There’s an email in my private account, obamaislord@forward.com, that’s where you’ll find it. Look it up!”

The next day Bill O’Reilly and his crackpot team of investigators hacked into Ms. Lerner’s computer and did indeed find the incriminating email.

“Missy, as chief of the IRS you hold many powers that I envy. With the stroke of a key or two you and only you can put an end to the GOP. Sick your auditors on them. Do it Now! Tax evasion, false claims of charities, unpaid taxes, whatever! With your help, we’ll be the Clinton-Lerner white house in 2016. How’s Vice President Lerner sound? Nice, don’t you think? I and you will rule the world! Woman Power!” It was signed H. Clinton, POTUS 2B.

The news of the email, however, was not reported anywhere other than on Fox News. ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN and MSMBC refused to report the scandalous email. News directors at all five networks shoved the email copy under their desks filed under ‘DIRT’ for future use, if necessary.

Miss Lerner was escorted back to her cell with Tony Anello and so the party began.