Just when you think you’ve got your parenting skills down and feel pretty good about the way you raise your kids, the media slaps another title on parents: helicopter parents. Those who hover just a little too much.

The term originated in the 1990s and was detailed in the book “Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility” by Foster W. Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay. The label is now generally applied to overly-involved parents of college students, as in this definition from Merriam Webster:

Helicopter parents (noun): parents who “hover” over their college-age kids in order to monitor every aspect of their lives.

The same dictionary entry mentions the term “blackhawks” for the most zealous parents.

College administrations are squawking the loudest because they are the ones dealing with the first wave of helicopter parents. While junior-high and high-school administrations first saw the rise of the parent who would wait by the door for her child to finish class, or who would do the science project for her child to help him avoid a bad grade, these same kids are now entering the job market – with their parents still in tow. According to research conducted by Patricia Somers, an associate professor of education at the University of Texas-Austin, 60 to 70 percent of parents are involved in some level of helicopter parenting, and that the parenting style crosses income, race and education levels.

How Can You Tell if You’re a Helicopter Parent?If any of the following tactics seem like perfectly reasonable responses in an effort to help your child succeed, you can safely assume you are a helicopter parent:

Writing papers or doing projects for your child

Writing your child’s college admission essays

Wake-up cell phone calls every morning for college-age students living away

Cleaning your child’s dorm room for him or her

Attending job fairs to hand out resumes for your child

Standing in line to register for college classes for your child

Calling college campuses to find out about your child’s grades or study habits

Calling a company CEO to find out why your child was turned down for a job

Why the Rise of the Helicopter Parent?So why are today’s parents unable to let go and so much more neurotic about their children? Is it based on worry – a possible result of media saturation from the 9/11 terrorist attack, the rise in child-related criminal activity, or a greater knowledge among average people about what super germs can do?

Or is it based on success? There is a certain level of distrust Boomers and Gen X-ers have toward institutions and their willingness to protest any unfair treatment, and perhaps they’re worried their children will be victims of unfair treatment.

The prevalence of cell phones and easy communication could also be facilitating the behavior.

Helicopter parenting brings a sense of security to some parents, who want to keep their children close as long as possible, if not indefinitely. Micromanaging their lives is one way they can maintain a close relationship, while appearing to be a saint. It’s a win-win situation, in the parents’ eyes.

Although many children appreciate the help they receive from their parents, is the extra assistance really helping in the long run?

What Harm Can Helicopter Parents Do?One aspect of helicopter parenting can be seen as a really good thing: the parents care. They have a lot of experiential wisdom and sometimes even societal connections to offer. There may even be times when you might have to resort to some “helicopter parenting” techniques, although that term might then be changed to simply good parenting. For example, if university officials refuse to do anything about sexual harassment in a co-ed dorm, and your child is the victim, it is often necessary for parents to step in and make sure something is done to protect their child. Kids have more pressure in their lives and are expected to perform at higher standards than ever before, making it harder to achieve independence as early as the formerly expected age of 18.

Overprotection is another matter. At best, you will delay their independence from you as a parent. At worst you will cripple their ability to make decisions and maybe even impede their character development.

If you do not teach your children responsibility early, they may treat you like a safety net as long as they can, and can develop careless habits that put their safety and your sanity in jeopardy.

Some may even adopt an entitled attitude (that of the spoiled prince or princess). Ironically, all the efforts you put into developing a relationship with them by ensuring they had everything could ruin and your relationship with them.

Some children are late bloomers and need a little extra help to gain their independence. Assisting children that truly need their parents’ help is not helicopter parenting. Helicopter parents keep interfering even after their children are established and capable of independence. Perhaps the difficulty for most parents is knowing when to say enough. Will you keep sending your adult children reminders for dental appointments and when their work reports are due? If you wait until they are married to cut the apron strings, your child’s husband or wife will be burdened with a big dependent baby for a spouse. The new daughter- or son-in-law will not appreciate your meddling for any reason. (Just take a moment to reflect on how you would feel if your own mother-in-law made frequent calls to make sure you were feeding your spouse a properly balanced meal three times a day.)

A Balanced ApproachTo achieve a balanced approach with your children, let them do their own research, writing and footwork. Let them find out for themselves what it takes to get into colleges and experience job interviews. It’s okay if they fail. That’s part of life.

It is okay to give your kids help with college tuition if you can and let them do their laundry at your house on weekends. But if they fail a class because they partied too much, let them learn from the experience. You can give them advice from your pool of wisdom then set them free to make up their own minds. If you did your job right as they were growing up, they should have enough self-preservation skills to succeed on a college campus. Have confidence in your parenting skills.

When you have children, you take care of them, love them and give them boundaries. Then, little by little, you give them responsibility until, at some point (traditionally during the college years), you take a supportive but hands-off approach.

It’s not new advice, but it is a huge horse pill to swallow when it is your own child you are sending out into what you think is the scary world to face the big bad wolves. Just remember that the world may be more of an adventure than a fear to your child. They will have to learn to swim in it, or they will sink. Your job is to let go so they can stay afloat on their own and kick for all they are worth.

What Is Your Parenting Style?Whether you are a new or seasoned parent, your parenting style is probably based upon those of your parents, with a tendency to lean more toward one than the other. Do you actively seek out parenting advice or are you annoyed when others have the audacity to offer it to you? Take this parenting style quiz to determine whether your style is permissive or authoritative when it comes to handling the children.