Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Lately a lot of people have been telling me that I should write a book. Apparently, I'm entertaining... or at least tolerable. I've also heard from more than a couple sources that my writing has a "cinematic" quality. The logical thing to do is combine 'book' & 'cinematic' and write a screenplay. Here are a few ideas I'm knocking around...

Teen Sex Comedy Iteration #213It's the last day of senior year, and these guys are ready for love! (fast pans/jump cuts of hot teen guys) Too bad they're students at (sound of record scratching) an all boys military school! (cue song "What I Like About You"). Now - they're going to find out that 'don't tell' (cutaway to mousy-looking dude leaning about Astroglide® from studly guy) doesn't mean you can't ask! Starring Disney's cutest teen actors and Tim Curry as some sort of pseudo-father figure who is also a total queen.

Vacation For SatanEven the Prince of Darkness needs a break! Join Mephistopheles as he tours the desert South West by motorcycle. He befriends wayward souls and travelers, imparting upon them his unique world view. Watch as he mentors a young runaway through some tough family times. Eventually, everyone realizes that Satan has it all figured out... hanging out with your friends, gambling, drinking, doing drugs, and dressing fashionably are waaaaay cooler than being good enough to get in to heaven. I mean, no booze? F that. Oh, the film's score will be composed by Slayer.

Hotdish RiotMocumentary about the annual County Fair Casserole cook-off in a small Minnesota town. Who will win the grand prize? Cast of characters includes a cute little grandma who swears like a sailor, the Lutheran pastor's wife - a closet drunk who longs for the old days as a Las Vegas stripper, a Vietnam vet who cooks casserole as a form of PTSD therapy and takes pot-shots at the mailman daily and a plucky high school senior who might poison her competitors in pursuit of the blue ribbon.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Can anyone identify this thing?The good folks at the ALS Association of Minnesota (the same people who introduced me to the Rocker Knife) sent this doodad my way. It consists of a leather shoelace, a hard plastic loop thingy, six brass washers, a 1.5 inch eye loop bolt and a wing-nut holding it all together.

This hodgepodge is like, a MacGyver wet dream or something.

Last week at the doctor (diagnosis is still Probable ALS, F.Y.I.) I mentioned I had trouble holding my arms up when I run. I thought perhaps it was an arm-holding thing. There's no way this thing could hold up my arms... or anything else for that matter.

The wing-nut implies I should loosen it up, but to what end? There isn't even a brand name on this sucker to offer a clue to it's pedigree!

First person to identify this device wins a beer or five bucks or a freakin' Nobel prize.

UPDATE!

It's a key assist device. It's supposed to make turning a key, like when starting the car, easier. It doesn't work great, but it's the thought that counts.