Samsung patent for ladeez mobile phone which informs when to get up the duff

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Samsung are churning out the mobile phone patents faster than you can say “but I’m really quite content with my Motorola, actually”, and Engadget have just got wind of one designed specifically for the ladeez.

The unnamed phone contains an application which is capable of tracking a woman’s fertile periods, so the user can be updated on when the best time to conceive is, and when you really should be using the rubber. This is done using a rather complex system of placing a call which measures the distance to the eardrum by ultrasonic or laser sensors and is combined with infrared, thus giving you a temperature reading. The phone then maps the woman’s menstrual cycle and gives an answer in regards to their fertility pattern.

A similar application was seen in the Siemens (hardy har, how apt) CL75 from a few years ago, which used merely a calendar to update you on when your period was due and when the best time to conceive would be. Now, if only it could inform you of which man you should conceive with…