How To Draw Superman

By Devin T. Quin

American boys all go through a Superman phase, tying towels around their necks and leaping from tall things unto smaller things, often the ground. The fascination with being Superman is actually about self-improvement. The world is a big place, full of opportunity, where young gentlemen will want to prove themselves amongst their peers. They desire to be “the best.”

These young boys will then go to a pre-school or 1st grade and attempt to play superheroes out on the playground, an environment far removed from the safety of their kitchens and supportive parents.

Suddenly, only the loudest, pushiest and biggest kids get to be Superman, and all other kids at recess have to pick other superheroes to be. Some of these kids will recognize the inherent contradiction. “Superman is supposed to be nice and kind and think of helping others first, but Scotty Hascalwitz got to be Superman because he pushed around all us other kids until we gave in. WTF?”

The first stratifications between jocks and nerds has been subconsciously felt and recognized. The first inkling that our fair society may not be a meritocracy after all has been noted.

The popularity of the X-Men, however, brings soothing relief. Once Wolverine showed up nobody wanted to be Superman.

Wolverine was short, scrappy and had a bad attitude. Instead of super strength or laser eye beams he had the uncanny abilities of “Knives popping out of his fists” and “Getting beaten up QUITE a good amount!” The bigger guys kept pounding away at Wolverine, but he just kept getting back up.

Suddenly it became clear that only a deluded putz would want to be Superman. The REALLY cool kids all wanted to be Wolvie.

ART LESSONS

Today we’re going to learn how to draw that Capitalistic anti-Wolvie, the Superman. Pencils ready?

1. GETTING STARTED

First draw a big, strong guy who never had any problems getting dates or pimples because he played High School athletics. Make sure he’s of an ideal height and body proportion, and make sure he’s doing something the girls are sure to like, such as flexing or carrying their purses.

NOTE: Unlike Wolverine, Superman has no disfiguring features such as claws or scars. He’s just a boring old, handsome, smug jerk.

2. THE COSTUME

To embarrass Superman a little, draw him in red underwear. Of course, DC comics wouldn’t sell action figures based on a character running around in his briefs, so let’s put his underwear OVER his clothes. Let’s make these blue so the red can REALLY pop. A smart red cape will finish off an outfit guaranteed to have everybody within twenty feet of this attention seeker to pay attention only to this guy. As if his muscles and body aren’t distracting enough. Put a big red “S” on his chest, too, just in case we forget who this preening jack-ass was.

“Hi, YES we see you, Superman….you moron.”

3. HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE

When drawing Superman’s face it is important to remember: Superman is boring. Make sure you give him little or no deviations from the beautiful norm. A square jaw and a strong chin, a small nose and dark hair make this guy the proverbial “tall, dark and handsome” of all of our collective, nerdish nightmares.

4. HAIR

Wolverine’s hair is wild and unkempt! He could never possibly fit in with polite society. Wolvie is such a rebel!

And then there’s Superman. Look at that prissy dork. Take your pencil and style the front of his hair in to a perfect curl, a follicle “S” to stand for “Snoozeville, daddy-oh!” If you find yourself reading this article in a time warp, and the year is somewhere in the 1990’s, make sure you give the big blue boy scout a Mullet. After all, EVERYBODY had one, and Superman is certainly the biggest conformist or Earth.

5. ACCOUTREMENTS

Superman will never be as cool as Wolverine. First of all, Wolverine’s from a cool exotic country- Canada! Superman hails from the boring ole’ USA. Why don’t you draw a big American Flag behind him, bellowing in the breeze?

IF you were drawing Wolverine you could splatter blood all over him, or draw him drinking beer with actual wolves! The best you can do with Superman is draw him with an eagle, or filing his tax return.