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"Hey Blanche have you heard the lastest ad campaign for the navy"Join the Navy, see the world and sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" and the army "Be all you can be and sleep with Blanche Devereaux!", and the marines are looking for a few good men who HAVENT SLEPT WITH BLANCHE DEVEREAUX!!""

Host: Ah, we have a question from the audience"
Ma: "This is directed to Dorothy's lover, .....how do people treat you now that you are a lesbian?"
Blanche: "Well, most people dont know".
Ma: "Really? I would have guessed right off".
Ma: "Next question to Dorothy.... What kind of pain and suffering has all this caused your mother?"
Dorothy: I dont know, but I'll be sure to ask her next time I visit her at .....THE HOME."
Ma: "Ahh,..... no more questions".

Some other funny quotes from the series:
Dorothy: Ma, Rose isn't talking to me.
Sophia: Enjoy it while it lasts. Now good night.
Blanche: Honey, oh hi Dorothy. Could I talk to you?
Sophia: No, go away.
Blanche: But I can't sleep Sophia and it's all because Rose isn't talking to me.
Sophia: I could care less now get out of my room.
Rose: Sophia?
Sophia: I'm not in. Wait for the beep then leave a message. Beep!
Rose: Hi, this is Rose.
Sophia: Rose, shut up and get in here.
Rose: I see you're with two double crossing ex friends of mine. I'll come back later.
Sophia: What do you think this is the 711? I'm not open all night.
Dorothy: Rose, we feel terrible about what we've done.
Sophia: What've you done?
Blanche: We're really sorry.
Sophia: Sorry about what?
Rose: Sorry isn't good enough. How can I ever trust you again?
Sophia: Trust who?
Dorothy: Please Rose, let's not talk about trust after the terrible things you wrote.
Sophia: Will someone please tell me about what the HELL you're talking about?
Dorothy: Blanche and I read Rose's diary.
Blanche: And she wrote some terrible things about us in there.
Rose: About you? I didn't write about you. I didn't even know you when I kept that diary.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Rose: That was my four h diary. I kept it one summer when I was raising two pigs for the country fair.
Blanche: You kept a diary about raising two pigs?
Rose: You know another way how to get a four h pig diary badge?

Arceny and Old lace (at least I think that's the title) It's the one with Mickey Rooney. The main story was that Sophia was dating a gangster who wasn't really a gangster. The second story that this dialogue belongs to, is that Blanche and Dorothy read Rose's diary and they all went to Sophia's room to talk about it.

I always liked quotes that made fun of other shows or movies. After Sophia wakes up in the hospital in "Bang the Drum," she says "I survived war, disease, and two seasons of Designing Women."

When Rose is waiting for Bob Hope to call in "You Gotta Have Hope," I love Dorothy saying "This is not Miracle on 34th Street."

And one of my favorites I can't pronounce, or write. Miles has just left after bringing Sophia and Rose home from the ballroom (Dancing in the Dark) and Rose leans against the door babbling in her St. Olaf language about how hot he is. Something like "helder-va-ga-va-gerfluven-huven." She just looks so smitten, which makes her look pretty.

[QUOTE=JL82]I always liked quotes that made fun of other shows or movies. After Sophia wakes up in the hospital in "Bang the Drum," she says "I survived war, disease, and two seasons of Designing Women."

I thought it was "...and two Darrins on Bewitched", but that may have been a different time.

Blanche's sister Charmaine (after Blanche accuses her of writing a book based on Blanche's life): I wish my bank account was as big as your ego.

Then, Charmaine explains that she writes the same message every time she autographs a book: It's just like signing yearbooks. Remember? You always wrote the same thing: 'You were the first.' (I like the way she says it, when she's quoting Blance.)

Blanche: (to a fat guy singing in falsetto, auditioning for their talent show): Thank you, that was - very odd.
(from "You Gotta Have Hope" - and now that I think about it, the pause should be after "very.")

I also love those rare ocassions when Rose thinks something is naughtier than the other person means it to be:

Miles: What's this in my pocket (he's preparing to surprise her with a ring)
Rose: That line didn't work last night, and it's not gonna work tonight.
(Where's Charlie)

Sophia: Didn't you see that enormous thing in her bedroom? (meaning Blanche's new bed)
Rose: I thought she'd stopped seeing Roger.

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