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Monday, November 29, 2010

Article - Need to Compare?

Have you ever felt that compared with "everyone else" around you, your own circumstances are the worst? Do you have thoughts like "all my mates have achieved this, done that, have this or have that" and I haven't? I'm now exploring this idea of measuring myself with another person's yard stick. Where does it come from? Is it parents, peer pressure, the society as a whole or just my own unrealistic expectations?

It's probably a mixture of all four. On one hand, it drives me to want to achieve more and more (sort of like healthy competition) to ensure that I can boast too, but on the other hand, it makes me think "What's the point? That person just had better opportunities than I have". Like when you hear of your classmate in university who is now a millionaire, or your friend from high school now running her own fashion empire. You are happy for them of course, but you also compare yourself and you end up feeling very small.

I think it starts when we still are young. You are put in a classroom with 15 or so other 3-year olds. There you are expected to all be at the same level, grow at the same speed and learn at the same pace. If for any reason you don't keep up with the rest of the class, then there's a problem with you. This pattern continues throughout life. You want the latest toys because "everybody has one". You want to wear a certain item of clothing because "that's what all the other kids are wearing". You want to feel like you are similar to everyone. You find yourself constantly looking around and checking to see if you are ahead or behind of your peers. And parents also keep telling you about their own friends' children who are doing much better than you.

Then you grow up and suddenly you realise that some things are outside your control. Your career is progressing very slowly meanwhile your mates have soared far ahead. Or your mates are getting engaged, married, and having babies while you are still single. Or your friend has just bought a new house, while you are still renting or living at home. It all adds up to a perfect recipe for frustration.

But why do we compare? Are we all given the same opportunities? Did God give us the same talents? Do we have the same circumstances? Do we all have the same goals? Do we have the same experiences or backgrounds? No, no, no and no. We don't even have the same genes!

So I've decided, from now on, I'm not going to compare myself with anyone else. I am me. I am unique. We all have our time and purpose to fulfil on earth. My time and purpose is not dependent on other people. Only God is in full control. And only God will I give the ability to push me forward.

I love this post.. i think it's great to be content in what you have and value your own accomplishments rather than looking to others cos you might be invariably dissapointed or overly smug which is never quite the way to go..

Nice post... I am gonna add a link to it in my next post if you don't mind :-)

I used to be like that... but now I have grown up and I don't compare myself to anyone... I have my own goals and timescales to achieve them. We came into this world alone so we should do our own thing.

@ All: You are welcome, thanks for the comments. You know it's actually liberating to realise that I am not competing with anybody and I can move at my own pace. Maybe as Londonbuki said, it's a maturity thing.

TP, lovely post!I dont know why we inherently feel we have to 'meet up' to expectations. I really couldnt be bothered about unnecessary comparism. When others progress, I am wholeheartedly happy with them.Envy & Jealously are 2 of the most unlikely traits I will ever develop. Ride on girl & stay focused!!

I'm glad you've decided to stop comparing yourself to others ... it's ironic because I bet those people are comparing themselves and their accomplishments to you!

For some reason, I've never had that thing to live up to someone else's standards, I guess it's because I'm my own toughest critic/competition/cheerleader. That's not to say it won't happen in future and I hope people like you are around to remind me that it's not important.

Very well said.I think it's a simple trick of life some people never learn.Maintaining the status quo,keeping up with the Jones....You are unique in your own way.Better than 7billion others in your own measure.

Trying to play catch up with everone else is pointless because by the time you get to where they are, they have moved on to something bigger and better.So we should all resolve to be happy with where we are and what we have.As much as we should have aspirations, we should learn to do things at our own pace and wait for God's timing for our own specific lives.Hope you're well. My blog's at http://gospelgirly.blogspot.com/

On point post. Yes, this time of the year, brings that out of most of us, the need to work our way down the list we made in January and then compare this same list to everyone. The only outcome to that is panic! lol

However, we must remember we all have INDIVIDUAL races that we are running, by God's grace. If we all had to run the same race (do the same things) at the same time, then some of us should be irrelevant.

We must keep our eyes, and feet moving in line with God's will for us as individuals. It does not matter if we achieve half a point of the list or not, it is still a great achievement in God's plan for us at that time.

this is very nice. and yes everyone is unique in their own way. love your blog, will like to follow you. i am also a writer although i haven't been published and i am a blogger. my blog is www.secretlilies.blogspot.com. please read it and give me your genuine comment. thank you.

It's taken me quite some time although I know I still indulge in it sometimes.. Comparing myself to others I mean, been a constant battle until I saw I was pushing myself beyond limit. There's nothing wrong in being a bit competitive but too much of it is bad.. lOVE YOUR POST! Happy Birthday to your Sis!

It's taken me quite some time although I know I still indulge in it sometimes.. Comparing myself to others I mean, been a constant battle until I saw I was pushing myself beyond limit. There's nothing wrong in being a bit competitive but too much of it is bad.. lOVE YOUR POST! Happy Birthday to your Sis!

True talk FG. The need to compare starts very early on and it can be really hard to break off. Methinks that comparisons can be great sometimes because it helps us push further. It is when it results in jealousy or self-criticism that it becomes a disadvantage. Personally, my own yardstick of self measurement is with Christ...and when I see people with those Christ-like virtues, I truly want to be like them and I work hard to achieve it. Yet we are all unique as you rightly mentioned, and everyone has their own unique role to fulfill in life. All in all, awesome insight as always FG.

Tolulope Popoola

Welcome

Welcome to my blog! My name is Tolulope Popoola, and I'm a reader, writer and lover of books and literature. I used to be an Accountant, until I rediscovered my love for writing and became a full-time writer in 2008. I'm the author of the novel Nothing Comes Close, a contemporary romance story set in London, Milton Keynes and Lagos. The story is based on some of the characters from the In My Dreams It Was Simpler online series. I also write flash fiction (see a collection here), short stories, poems and articles for magazines.

In addition, I'm a Writing Coach and Publishing Consultant with my own company Accomplish Press. I help other writers to accomplish their own writing and publishing dreams too.