Surviving Domestic Violence

The Bat Cave Is Calling

Returning home from a much needed vacation literally hurt. I didn’t want to come home to more bullshit. It was a challenge to pull into the driveway and walk into my home knowing that I would be met with a barrage of phone calls and drop by’s from *John*. I didn’t expect the kind of reception that would cause alarm. I did expect the wearing down to be continuous and irritating.

***

I’d gone shopping for some much-needed groceries and such and returned to *John* standing in the driveway. My daughter, sitting on the tailgate of his worn down, dirty ass truck with her back to him crying her eyes out sent my heart and mind into immediate overdrive, my breathing stopped for a bit and every lick of spit dried up instantaneously. My hands, shaking like a leaf in the wind, ripped the keys from the ignition and my rubbery legs propelled me from my Jeep like nobody’s business. My mind had a little trouble catching up to my actions but I just went with it and approached the situation with wide-eyed apprehension. I can’t recall what I had in my hand but I directed my daughter, I will call her *Mary*, to take it inside effectively freeing her from his onslaught and placing myself in his crosshairs. I noticed her friend sitting in her car parked at the curb as I watched my daughter go safely inside the house.

***

What is happening here? What is he doing? What did I do with my mace? I need to get it and the knife NOW! His words seemed muffled and almost incomprehensible. I caught phrases like “I can’t believe you are doing this to me” and “all the times I took care of you”. The thing that really got me going was the look that I saw in his eyes. That ‘taken over by a demon’ look and he was charging toward me like a bull. Me dying in the driveway, in front God and everybody played in my mind and ‘fight or flight’ made it’s natural progression only this time ‘fight’ reared its head instead of flight. I made one or two steps back, held up the mace and told him in no uncertain terms that he’d better step back or I would put him down and then stomp the shit out of him. He wisely took my advice. God only knows what would have happened if he hadn’t. I’m just glad he did.

At some point in all the ruckus I thought to myself that if he did kill me it would be in front of God and everybody and he would at least go to jail for it. Not the best thinkin’ in the world I know, but my thoughts nonetheless.

***

Every day since that one has been a challenge and I’m sharing this because I need to. I’ve been in touch with the shelter. I’m getting all my ducks in a row. The kids and I have once again revisited safety precautions and emergency guidelines in the event of another surprise attack.

What have I learned?

My children and I cannot afford to drop our guard.

What do I want?

I want to answer the call of the bat cave and retreat to tangible safety.

Pig, scmuck, arsehole and a whole of of words that I won’t put up in case young eyes peek. You do realise that the timing was deliberate. You take a holiday, you relax – uh uh can’t have that if you’re not thinking of him 24 7 then he may not really exist. Can’t have that, can’t let your mind be anywhere else other than fixed on him and what he may or may not do. Weak, craven egoist that he is, all he has his physical strength and the psychological advantage of having had you scared silly [with reason] for years. Do what needs to be done and get gone. Change your name, change cities, change states – they have protocols for that and for providing new Id. Whatever you need to do – do it cause he’s not gonna lose the only audience he has without a fight.

Teela, I’m so sorry I missed some of your posts and didn’t know what was going on until you posted from your I-Phone. I so hope you are in a safe place now. (PS: tell us readers where the SOB can be found, and we’ll take care of him for you. Personally, I’d like about 5 minutes alone in a room with him.)

Teela, thanks so much for sharing your experience although it must have been heartbreaking to type out the story and allow yourself to go through the fear and pain again. At the same time, writing can be therapy. It is mine as I’ve shared with you before.

I can relate to the “demon eyes” as your daughter since I’ve never been abused by my husband. You’re stronger than you can ever imagine. Your instinct was to protect your daughter at all costs like you said in such a descriptive way.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. May you and your family find shelter, safety, and I pray you will have to stop looking over your shoulder. Hugs your way, Teela! ❤

Anna
I’m sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your support. I hope you know that your friendship is one that I treasure.
I know I haven’t been around as much lately but you are never far from my thoughts. In fact y’all are with me daily in spirit.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve read your sincere sentiments over the last week or so.
Thank you Anna.
❤
Teela

Oh wow girl! The image of his demon eyes gave me chills! I know the look, but thankfully have been away for a while now! You are doing the right thing as you know, getting away. But also, reaching out to your sister survivors {& brothers}. We may not be there in ‘person’ but we are here for you, in anyway to help! Call me, text me, whatever you need. You are NOT alone. Yes it may seem like it at times, but the ‘fight or flight’ are the only 2 options, and you made the right one with the flight. Much love to you my beautiful friend! ❤

T, I hesitated to ‘like’ his post, but goodness knows I’m familiar with the weight that lifts when one does write out, examine and hopefully, let go a bit of the fear. Please be safe and wise, as you have proven to be repeatedly, and be well, be strong.

Thank you Anna that means a lot to me.
When I hear someone refer to me as strong my immediate reaction is surreal. But everyone here has helped me understand that I’m not alone and much of my strength comes from friends like you.
❤

The demons with their beady little black eyes, are out again…how crappy that these monsters roam free. Visualizing them all on an island-volcanic and active…to be turned to the stone that they are. Thankful for the bat cave. And mace…(((hugs)))

It’s good that you backed him down when it needed doing, and kudos to you for finding that kind of courage! Do be wary, though, as one such as him will only stew in his own juices until he can’t stand it any more and then will get uppity. I hope you’re over the horizon before he comes around to find out that Teela doesn’t live here any more.

I am with you. I am listening. Good for you, getting all your ducks in a row. I have been where you are, shelter and all. Mama bear, you can do this. You know what is best for your family. You are going to do all the right things.