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My 2nd question is: I am really bad at dating (online dating with Match.com) I think. I just got out of 2 very long term relationships back to back. I tend to pick the bad ones and I am completely horrible when it comes to going on dates and stuff. I get nervous, sometime I have selective listening, do not pay attention, smile to much because I have nothing to say, lolol..No really I do. I have know problem meeting men. I just tend to pick the wrong ones to have relationships with. I do not trust my own instinct right know what so ever. .

I broke up with my last boyfriend about a couple monthes ago. He didnt not treat me well and I told him that I was not dealing with this anymore and if he didnt stop it I was leaving him. He kept it up so I left. Know he keeps calling me. He is having problems in life says he needs someone to listen and be there for him. I guess it is to make me feel sorry for him or something I dont know. Well I have really enjoyed being on my own again and I have missed my friends dearly and dont want to go back. I have told him that a couple times already. About 3 weeks ago I was eating dinner with my girlfriend out and believe me not expecting to meet anyone at all. I am normally never really interested in most of the men that approach me. Even the last 2 guys I was in a relationship (thru Match.com) with I really didnt feel anything at first. While we were out to dinner my friend started talking to him he was sitting next to us with some of his friends eating dinner. He looked over at me and introduced himself and we started talking and I can say I have never felt that way before every instant chemistry. This is very new to me. I gave him my number he called and texted we hung out a couple times last week and then a date using Match.com saturday nite for dinner. We had such chemistry even got tingles when he kissed me and butterflies. I have a hard time trusting men and what they say to me. So far he is a complete gentleman. First he asked me where do I see this going. I said not sure just yet just met you. He said that he really enjoys hanging out and really likes me. We hung out the other nite and he said that he has never felt this way about a girl before that he gets tingles when he kisses me. What am I suposse to make of this. Is he really feeling the way I do or not. I dont trust people until I get to know them and I have never felt this way every before. This is completely knew to me. I just dont want to get hurt again. Do I trust my instinct on him or do I not? There are no red flag so far he is perfect and that is hard to believe for me. Could this really be? .

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Edited 3/27/2008 8:18 am ET by crk21..

Comments (5)

Crk21...from one bad dater to another (actaully...I'm more 'date-hater' than anything else), my advice to you is just lighten up and go with it. You said you feel things with him that you never felt before? Just enjoy that. And he basically voiced having the same feelings? Just enjoy THAT. I know it's hard after 2 failed relationships to trust anything or anyone including yourself. How could you not question your judgement two failed attempts with two different guys and the only common denominator is....ohhh...wait...YOU. Yeah...that's definitely enough to make you question yourself. However, don't let this get in the way of potential happiness with someone else. He says he likes you. Does he SHOW you that he likes you? You say he's a complete gentleman...so I'd guess that's a yes. You say there are no red flags again..sounds good. I understand not wanting to get hurt...no one wants that. But, unfortunately, that's the risk you have to take. It's a risk vs. reward scenario. You have to risk getting hurt, but the reward can be an awesome relationship (thru Match.com) with a great guy. .

I'd say just take things slowly which it sounds like you are trying to do. Don't think about what's going to happen in 3 months with this guys...or in 6 months...or in a year! Just take things as they come. Take time to figure out if what you feel for him is genuine and about HIM...and not about the fact that HE is not THEM. KWIM? Have fun...enjoy the tingles...enjoy causing tingles. .

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Comment #1

Things sound good =). If you both are tingling...hey...you are doing something right girlie..

There are only things that seems to stand in your way 1) is this emotional sandbag..your ex. He needs to talk to someone? Let him pay for counseling. You did your tour of duty with him and owe him NOTHING. 2)The other thing is your mindset that you are not a good dater..

People have this ridiculous notion that relationships are something that you either succeed at or fail at. I dont know who decided to quantify the experience of knowing another person, but everyone seems to be hooked on being achievement oriented with something that shouldnt be placed there..

Well, of course you are going to meet and pick a bunch of men who are not going to be right for you!!! Finding someone just right for you means kissing a lot of frogs (so to speak). The trick is.. being able to identify early enough in the relationship (thru Match.com) that the person is not right for you and to let him go. To stick with something that doesnt work for you only hurts you - so if that is what has happened to you, then it is not so much picking or dating (online dating with Match.com) men not right for you (Unless...of course...the red flags are apparent *right* from the start)...it is identifying what works and letting go what doesnt..

Enjoy your time together...

Comment #2

Hi crk21,.

Welcome to the board!!!.

The first thing I'd be asking myself is why don't I trust this guy? Is it him or is it what I've been through in the past. I've been through a pretty big betrayal before and I've meet a really great guy - I started to freak out a while back and I stopped before he saw this (thank God) and made myself think this through. My fears were from the programming I suffered during my last relationship. for the most part my guy lives up to everything. and it's me being doubtful..

Don't totally push your doubts away. It is a good way to double check yourself and the relationship. Are the feelings becuase of him or me? There really isn't any in between..

Also take this slowly. It's only been a few months since your break up and this developing relationship (thru Match.com) is just that - developing. Ask your guy to take this one slowly with you. He shouldn't mind. Be honest with him and I think you will see that there can be really great relationships.

Good Luck,.

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Comment #3

Hi faboome,.

Welcome to the board!!.

What great advice!!.

Hope to have your hear often.

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Comment #4

Thanks Kristi!! Been lurking for a while. Posted on other boards, but new here. I'll be around!.

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Comment #5

This question was taken from a support group/message board and re-posted here so others can learn from it.