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Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Peeing in the orchard

There is not a day that goes by when I think that my life is normal, in fact I have forgotten what normal was and have moved on to another world. Yesterday I was asked if I pee in the orchard, now I had to think about this for a moment which worried me, that it was not an instant no! Anyway, this person was serious, and asked me because apparently human pee is excellent for gardens and plants.

Once you get over the gross factor, what she was saying actually made a lot of sense. Fresh, steaming urine is in fact packed full of high levels of nitrogen, is low in potassium and moderate in phosphorus. Therefore, it acts as a fantastic high nitrogen liquid fertilizer, which is free, but has safety issues.

This subject was something that she was obviously very proud of, and went on to tell me that healthy people produce excellent quality pee. However, people who do not wipe correctly, are contaminating the fertilizer. Therefore, if I intended to pee in the orchard, I needed to make sure that I correctly wiped from front to back, at this point I was on the verge of sniggering.

She also asked if I was on medication, took drugs, drunk alcohol or was pregnant, it actually felt like a trip to the doctors, not a random conversation about my orchard. I was informed that as long as I was "clean" my urine would be perfect. I did think that that this point it must be a cultural programming, which makes some people consider this to be gross, as this woman was in full flow about the subject.

I still was not convinced, but thought I would humour this woman, and inquired if I needed to pop down to the orchard every time I needed to pee. This received a look of shock, as she explained I don't pee onto the trees I pee in the compost heap. Ahhhh now it makes total sense, I need to squat over the compost heap and pee! So, if any of you visit and one of us are in the area of the compost heap, keep walking, do not stop, as you may see more than you bargained for!