I always felt that my mother or father never really loved me the way they loved the other children. I was with my grandmother a lot. My family is a family of alcoholics. We went to church as children because we had to. I was the Sunday school secretary and a youth usher because I was following in my grandmother’s footsteps. I was happy when I was around my grandmother but sad when I was with my mother and sister. I really didn’t like myself, not until I started sinning, drinking smoking cigarettes, weed; that’s when I started liking me. I was sixteen when I was put out of my mother’s house. I went wild for a long time. When I finished school, I joined the Army. I got even wilder. All of my relationships with men were very abusive. My first marriage lasted five years and my second lasted twenty years. My second husband is my best friend now. I’ve had a lot of losses in my life, a daughter, mother, and grandmother; but none of these losses made me stop. As the years went by I only got worse. I always knew I was going down the wrong track, but I didn’t care because I didn’t care about me. I realized God was working in my life.

Every time I prayed for His help He would send me to jail, but I still never listened to him.

I started listening to God when I found out my son was an addict like me. It hurt my heart, so I prayed to God and He sent me to jail so that I would listen to Him and only Him. I have confessed my sin, want what is God’s will in my life today. I believe He does have a purpose for me today and I’m willing to do His will today. I’m at peace with myself. I know when He is in my presence. I also know when He has answered a question for me, whether it be yes or no. I love myself today and know God loves me also. I love reading Matthew, John, and Ephesians (the whole Bible) I just like them. When I go out of my room, I put on the suit of armor and ask God to guard my tongue (He does. Thank you, God.).

I realize God is good even when life seems grim.

~Shketha

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Growing up in a lower class family, it’s not easy to get by. My mom left when I was seven; she left my dad with three boys and a broken heart. He did everything he could and more for us kids.

My dad had a hard time with anger. It often lead to beatings, which in turn lead to his incarceration and my drug abuse. We kids were put into Department of Human Services’ custody when I was only 12. It was tough, but it got worse when we were split up. I went from foster home to foster home, not knowing what happened to my family or if they were okay.

My last foster home is where I took my first drink. The good news is that my brothers ended up at the same place. Then when I turned 14, my mom got custody of us. Good to be under one roof, but I was a spiraling roller coaster of emotions and hate towards her leaving in the first place.

We moved away from my hometown the next year. That’s when my drinking and drug addiction got worse. Everyone I met did some kind of drugs or was sexually active. So I wasn’t only in with a bad crowd, I was into much, much more than ever before.

I was 17 when I met my baby momma. She was different. She didn’t drink, smoke, or anything else I did, but she saw something in me no one else did. I was 19 when she had my daughter. We had been split up for the whole pregnancy. I didn’t even know she was pregnant. Didn’t care, really. All I cared about was my next fix. Drugs and drinking were all I knew. I even cheated on my baby momma, which caused the split up.

We gave it another shot. This time with a new addition: my daughter. I still couldn’t give up the drugs, though. I often chose them over my family. I was arrested for selling marijuana and was sentenced to DOWC boot camp.

Being 300 lbs. and dirty from head to toe, they had a lot of fun with me. I walked out 80 lbs. lighter and clean as a whistle only to step back into the world and jump back into drugs.

My baby momma did not want me or want me to be around my daughter and that only drove me deeper in, again.

I was attending school for architecture when I came in this last time. Even though I am here on different charges, it was my desire to do drugs and drink that got me here.

My whole life I’ve been almost entirely physically blind. The only way I could see was if I were to squint and focus my eyes into a weird position. This is not the only blindness I’ve suffered in my life. My whole life I’ve looked at the bad and that has lead me to drugs and drinking, losing my family, losing my rights as a parent, and looking at 25 years in prison. All before the age of 22!!

When I came into Oklahoma County Jail, I believed it was over. My life was gone. I had hit rock-bottom and broke my legs. I had nowhere to go, so I looked to the only place I saw hope: Jesus Christ.

He has changed everything about me. Inside and out, I am a new creation; made new every day.

That cured my spiritual blindness.

The guys here in OCDC are great guys. Assistant Chaplain Jorge and the volunteers are amazing. I felt great just meeting people with more problems than I have and they aren’t even incarcerated. Ha! Seriously, I love them!

It’s still a routine thing for me to hear about my squinting and one day I decided to go out on a limb and do the thing I now know how to do. Pray about it.

One day I had a pair of glasses slid under my door by someone leaving and the only thing I could say was, “Thank you, Jesus.” Then I tried them on. Reading glasses don’t work like prescription glasses, ya know? I laughed it off and told Jesus it wasn’t cool to trick people like that, but, hey, He was human once too! Surely the Maker of laughter enjoys a good chuckle now and then.

The next week I had a celly leave and without a day for me and God to be alone, another one came in; a spiritually blind one. I saw the old me in everything this guy did. After getting to know him, I found out he had a pair of glasses that looked appealing. I asked to try them on and wouldn’t you know it, they are the exact same prescription as the glasses I once used to wear! I asked him what he would like for them and he pointed at the reading glasses and said, “I don’t really use them. Those look cool though.” No more squinting!

That’s not all, though. Every night I have been able to witness to my new celly. I am very proud to announce that through this blind and broken vessel, my celly was able to receive Christ into his heart and was saved on December 13, 2011.

Instead of seeing the bad, I now see the good. I see joy where Satan wanted pain. I see Jesus where once there was nothing. I see light where darkness once lived. I see the smallest insufficient prayers being answered. I see a God who loves His children so much He sacrificed His Son to forgive our sins and who gave one of His children some glasses.

I was blind, but now I see.

~Jeremy “Jer” Scrivener

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It’s about time, that’s what I told myself on May 27, 2011 in the Chaplain’s office when I finally gave it all to God and asked Him to forgive me. My name is Shanna. I’m 24 years old and I was born in Oklahoma City, but moved to Texas with my grandparents when I was three.

My dad was in and out of my life till about the age of 12. That’s when my dad moved in with my grandmother, grandfather, and me. Now I couldn’t tell you much about my mother; only that the last time I saw her was when I was five years old. She was so pretty. I remember everything about her: what she was wearing, what she smelled like, even the finger nail polish – it was red. She was murdered when I was sixteen.

At that time, I was being molested by a family member. I had lost all hope. Two weeks before my mother was killed I prayed to God that He would send my mom to me to save me. By the age of sixteen I had a lot of heartache, anger and confusion in my life and hated God. I started drinking and dropped out of school. I started to hustle drugs. It started out with pot, then came pills, then meth. I also have a little brother and sister I had been taking care of.

Now eight years later, here I am in the Oklahoma County Jail on a probation violation. I’ve been sitting here since May 9, 2011 and for the first time in about three years, I’m actually sober. I now realize God has never forsaken me, I have forsaken Him. God loves us and no matter what we do He will always forgive us and lead us back to that righteous path He planned out for us from the beginning. I say to all of you, draw near to Him and He’ll draw near to you. I know this time I’m for real because I’ve actually learned from my tribulations and I have God to thank for that. He saved my life, I hope by sharing my story I have helped some back to God.

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Counseling Tip

Always Call Sin “Sin:”
It is no favor to the counselee to call sin “sickness” or “a genetic problem.” The kindest thing to do is tell the truth. There is hope in right labeling. Jesus came to forgive and to defeat sin. He doesn’t promise to change our genes or to heal all our sicknesses. Names are important. Names can be signs and sign posts: they point to solutions. “Sickness” points to the physician; “sin: points to Jesus Christ.

Never Minimize:

Don’t minimize the severity of a counselee’s problem. Nor should you minimize his negative evaluation of himself. It isn’t easy for a sinner to admit his sin. Some, meaning well, do poorly instead when they say things like, “O, come on, John, you haven’t been that bad.” If a woman says, “I’ve been a miserable failure as a mother,” take her seriously. Say something like this in response: “That is serious; tell me how bad a mother you have been.” Minimize neither the evaluation that the counselee makes, nor the severity of his situation. Rather, maximize the Savior: “Yes, your situation is really bad, but – thank God – Jesus Christ can solve problems even that serious.”