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Can't cum during sex with BF

Hi, friends!

The last time I was on these forums was almost five years ago and I remember how helpful they were to me back then! It feels good to be back.

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months and it has been great for both of us. However, I have not cum at all while having anal sex with him (I top). I have only had anal sex with one other guy and even though we fooled around for a while, I only came once while having sex with him. To be honest, I never really saw myself as a top, but my boyfriend says he can't see himself doing it either so that's made me be the designated top. Sometimes it feels like a chore to me and I think I am not feeling as much pleasure as I should be. Not only that but I'm not very flexible and I end up getting leg cramps every once in a while. I think we both have realized that anal sex requires a lot from me, and so we usually end up jerking off together, oral, rimming, and anything else but anal. I really wish that I could cum while having anal with him, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I have never bought my own condoms cause I always take those free ones that they give out at festivals and bars, so I've thought maybe that has something to do with it. Or the lube?

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

I would first look into different positions to prevent discomfort on your end. Maybe try sideways? Face-to-face? Him sitting on your dick? Him sitting on your dick, face-to-face? If you can't find a pleasurable option you might have to discuss the limits of your sex life before it becomes a burden. Also, those free condoms are absolute crap. These days they actually make condoms with pleasure-inducing insides for tops, you should look into that and also think about switching up your lube to something that permits more "glide" or maybe a tingly-sensation. There are LOTS of options, look 'em on on Trojan website or something.

It's not all you that's the problem, it takes two to tango and if he's wearing you out while you wait for him to come then maybe he should switch things up too. Also, odd little factoid, but sometimes a bottom just grabbing the balls of a top jump-starts an orgasm.

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

After you try the suggestions above you'll be able to evaluate if things are better. So far it seems like you're both coping. It also seems as if you think anal is a must. Actually, it's up to the two of you to decide how you'll satisfy each other and yourselves. While anal is a deal breaker for some, others avoid it or do it infrequently.

Have ongoing discussions with your bf as to what is and is not ok. Also, if you're planning on committing to each other and trust that you'll be monogamous, if that's something you both want, youay decide to bareback. In other words, your issue could resolve itself at that time.

There's nothing that says you have to hump till you come, either. Some people find it satisfying just to penetrate and that's something he could work on as well. There's nothing stoping either of you from jumping on each other even if it's just for a few minutes.

The beauty of being in a same sex relationship is that you and he get to make your own rules. Enjoy!

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

If it were just a matter of not cumming while doing it, I would say it's not a big deal, but you say you are not getting much pleasure from it. Maybe it's just not for you. Not everything is, you know? If both of you were really enjoying it and the only problem was you being unable to finish, you could always finish the other ways you described.
Would you both be happy with that part of your lovemaking?

Is it possible your dick is too used to your own hand to be able to enjoy butt sex?

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

The larger question here is why the two of you are having anal sex. Porn gives the impression that everyone is supposed to kiss, blow, fuck then come... in that order. The reality is that there are couples who are perfectly happy never having anal sex and there are plenty of couples who are perfectly happy just jacking off together.

On the other hand, if you boyfriend enjoys getting fucked, then that would be a reason why you would want to top.

You might also ask your boyfriend if he enjoys watching you come or if he enjoys facials. There's nothing special about coming from anal sex and if your boyfriend enjoys watching you and it's something that is better for you- it is perfectly acceptable for you to jack yourself off or for him to blow you/give you handjob.

Sex isn't supposed to be a formula like it is in porn. Whatever the two parties enjoy is more important that any particular sex act.

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

Originally Posted by Nerd12

Hi, friends!

The last time I was on these forums was almost five years ago and I remember how helpful they were to me back then! It feels good to be back.

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months and it has been great for both of us. However, I have not cum at all while having anal sex with him (I top). I have only had anal sex with one other guy and even though we fooled around for a while, I only came once while having sex with him. To be honest, I never really saw myself as a top, but my boyfriend says he can't see himself doing it either so that's made me be the designated top. Sometimes it feels like a chore to me and I think I am not feeling as much pleasure as I should be. Not only that but I'm not very flexible and I end up getting leg cramps every once in a while. I think we both have realized that anal sex requires a lot from me, and so we usually end up jerking off together, oral, rimming, and anything else but anal. I really wish that I could cum while having anal with him, but I don't know what's wrong with me. I have never bought my own condoms cause I always take those free ones that they give out at festivals and bars, so I've thought maybe that has something to do with it. Or the lube?

Has anyone had a similar experience or have some advice?

Thanks a bunch.

Well, now, at least you have something to shoot for. Practice, practice, practice But seriously. Don't get pressured to cum. Let him take control of the sex once in a while, even if he's the bottom. Just enjoy every moment while working toward the goal.

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

Hey I used to feel the same way ! Omg I thought i had ruined my dick from so much porn cuz i could ever cum from fucking my boyfriend! I wouldn't say it seemedlike a chore to fuck him but a year in and no "happy ending" and it def was not super exciting as I'd resigned myself to goign through the motion, But then i started trying diffecrent speeds and angles and well now I cum every time, The trick for me was to make sure to grind my dick against the walls on the inside as a i fuck him ( i know super graffic im sorry ) it may seem weird but its not all that much about the in and out but more about friction, i think that made it more pleasureable for the both of us to so try to angle your stuff a a littel steeper down to really rub against him

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

A LOT of bottoms think that all they have to do is lie there and look pretty. Good bottoms participate. If YOU are a bottom you have a problem. It takes a while to get into each other's groove and figure out what to do to each other. Movie sex where it's perfect and effortless every time is a myth.

Sometimes it can take effort, and if you aren't getting off, you need to tell your guy that's a problem then SHOW HIM what you need. If that's him topping and he refuses, what obligation do you have to do it? Not that I would use that as an argument, but still you need to discuss it.

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

I've been in that position where I couldn't come with my boyfriend (but I was the bottom), and let me tell you. It was because of anxiety. I felt I was hiding something from him and I couldn't enjoy the experience. So if there's anything you need to tell him, just open up. Your sex will benefit from it.

Re: Can't cum during sex with BF

I have the same issue right now, and it's a bit worse because I can only come if I jack off myself. My boyfriend can't get me off in whatever way. I'm beginning to think that I jack off and watch porn too much so I've stopped doing it, hoping it will help. I also get anxiety when it's up to me to top and I just go limp