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Saturday, June 23, 2012

A Sashes Gal Guest Post: Mrs. Pate Makes

Hi, my name is Tiffany and I hear things.

I hear little whispers. Whispers of unworthiness...and I hear them constantly. You’re not worthy to make anything, you’re just going to fail, there is nothing about what you make that is worth selling, you are taking opportunities from your more talented friends, you should just give up. Sweet little whispers, aren’t they?

I have a nasty case of fear and these little whispers know just what to say. Fears of rejection and of failure are crippling me. But the worst thought by far is this: Someone is going to hate me for succeeding. I truly fear my “success” is going to hurt someone else and it makes me physically sick to think I could be taking something from someone else.

I paint. But I won’t because a friend of mine is “the painter”.

I love to do blog designs. But I won’t because another friend of mine is “the designer”.

I love making things for little girls (because I have boys and crave girlie things). But I don’t because I have a friend that is the “girly one”.

I blog. But I struggle with blogging because I have a friend who is “the blogger”.

I want to write a book. But I don’t because I have a friend and she’s “the writer”.

Silly huh? I don’t generally get jealous of other’s success. Instead, I get intimated. All those whispers come flooding back into my ears. Those whispers of never being good enough; that I am being selfish for even thinking about trying. I freeze, crumble, and sabotage myself. It’s easier to be someone that doesn’t succeed then to try and find the hurt of failure.

This weekend I was hit with this thought, if every good and perfect gift is given by God (James 1:17) who am I to diss his gifts? If I truly believe He wants to give me more than I could imagine, why am I trying to hold His blessings back? Why am I letting fear drive me? Perfect love cast out all fear, not some, not half, all.

I know He is pushing me to keep going, to keep creating, to keep using every platform that I can to show His love, His blessing, His strength. I have to stop running, stop fearing, and thank Him with open arms for what He was blessed me with. See when I run, when I don’t acknowledge the things He has put in my heart it is like turning my back on Him. It’s like saying that what He chose for me was wrong.

I’m fighting myself daily to accept the things that I feel passionate about. I fight fear, I fight what others might think, and I fight to find a sense of thankfulness instead of fear. I want a sense of worshiping thankfulness!

A few weeks ago an amazing opportunity come my way. I was approached by a lady to have my things carried in her store. My bracelets and rings are going to be in a physically store, not only will my things will be sold but I will be teaching classes. Honestly, I want to run. I actually have to fight the urge to not run from this. The night before this happened I crumbled. I gave up. Literally gave up. I didn’t want to run a store anymore. I didn’t want to try. I just wanted to settle with a once a month market. I only wanted to do the market so my husband wouldn’t be disappointed me. Twisted huh?

Now I’m going to be in a store, if I sell a ton, I sell a ton. If I don’t, I don’t. If my first class is sold out, great, if there is one person there I will still teach my heart out and give it everything I have.