When I had Alex I had PPA and I still struggle with it now and again. I remember rocking him one night and I had this horrible overwhelming feeling that I wasn't going to keep him. That he was not mine to keep and eventually, soon, I was going to lose him. It was awful.

With Rory I haven't had those kinds of attacks mostly because I think he has actual problems so my anxiety is wrapped around that reality. But when things are going well for a really long time I do find myself holding my breath and waiting for something to happen.

Yea this exactly! We are using our taxes to take a huge family vacation and while I am so excited, my irrational brain is scared.