Scarecrow

Tue, Sep. 29th, 2015, 02:50 am

I died on a Monday morning in late November of 2007. The skies were grey, my favorite color. I listened to some relaxing music while I wrote out this farewell, and made my peace with whatever governing forces there may be in this universe. I understand that there may be a price to pay in taking my own life. But, I am willing to pay the price to learn the absolute truth. At the risk of sounding cliche, I have no regrets in life. I've actually lived longer than I imagined I would. I've loved, been loved, and enjoyed a lot of what life has to offer. I've had friends come and go, and friends that will read this, and will even be sad that I'm gone. And to those of you who fall into that category, I want to thank you for any and all kindness you showed me as a person. I am sorry, truly, for any pain that I have caused any of you. While it would be nice to have you all remember my name in a positive light, it is not important, only the time we had together is. I want you all to know that I love you, so very much, and that if I have any say in it, I will be around to show you the way back home. Those of you who know me well enough will smile when you learn that I went out with a cigarette in my mouth and a smile on my face. Take care, all of you.

I don't have any money... I'd have gotten you something otherwise. Heh, big surprise there. The best I could do was take back what I said way back and apologize for lashing out like that. I'm sorry, I really am. If I hadn't let pride get in the way, things might be better.

I miss you. I've been lamenting over what I could do for you to make you happy. Odds are, just stay out of your life, and I'm fine with that. If that's the best I can offer, so be it. But I just wanted to say out loud that I'm waiting for you. When I said I would forever, I meant it, even if I lose sight of it at times. I won't seek you out, or anything like that. No tricks, nothing underhanded. Just me, putting my hand out to let you know if ever there's anything I can do for you, I'll do my best to make it real. A roof over your head if you had nowhere else to go, a room to yourself to get away from life, a friend, someone you could love and trust again. I don't have much, and am not much, but what I've got, I'll offer.

Don't blame you if you don't believe me. But it's the truth. However long I have to wait, and however long I can wait, I will, because you're the one person who truly made this life worth living.