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Putting on a Striptease Show for My Shrunken Intruder Before His Demise

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24 January 2011

What’s this? My home security alarm is going off?!? What’s happened while I was out?? Oh, yes! There must’ve been an intruder! A crazed fan turned stalker who came directly to my home in hopes of meeting me in person and catching a naughty glimpse of me in the nude. Horrible man! I feel so violated!

He might still be in this very house. Where could he be? Wait! I just remembered the new function on my security system, just installed this week. Any intruder is instantly zapped and shrunken down to miniature size. That ought to teach them! But that means there’s a little man running around and hiding very well in my home right this moment.

I can’t tell the authorities or report him. I can’t go public about this at all. I don’t think it’s legal to shrink intruders. I’m just going to have to take care of everything myself. The vacuum cleaner will do the trick; I’ll just roll out my SUPER SUCKER. That will teach him for invading my privacy and being a perverted voyeur.

But – I guess I could give him one last treat before his doom, grant his biggest wish before his demise. Are you watching, little man? I’m going to strip to nude and hunt you down with my vacuum…