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Monday, June 24, 2013

Survival Strategies for the Single Girl (Re: Spinster)

Growing up, my family weren't the type of people who tried to save a bug's life. No, we killed that nasty thing. Or at least, my dad did. As a spinster, though, I don't have a man around to help me out with such things. As such, I've come up with ways to deal with the things you usually ask a man to do. Because, not only is it 2013, but that stuff's gotta get done with or without a man. So, my spinsterly friends, here are five tips to help you survive your manless life on the most everyday level.

1. Have a step stool (or a chair)
For a girl, I'm on the taller side, but there are still things I can't reach. I wish I had a step stool, but I never remember to pick one up when I'm out, so I use the old trusty kitchen chair. This is helpful for changing light bulbs, getting my sewing machine off the top shelf, and retrieving that secret bag of chocolate I tried to hide from myself even though I know I know where it is.

2. Leave your shoes around
You never know when or where you're going to see a bug, and you know that freaks you out. Since all you really want to do is scream, run away, or throw up, you should have shoes all around so you are more likely to kill it before it hides away. Don't be squeamish, just do it. You don't have any other choice unless you want to start charging them rent. and let's be honest, I bet they're always late with the check...when they pay it at all.

3. Have a rolling cart
This may make you feel like an old lady in public, but if you're unable to actually carry something because of it's weight or unwieldy shape, a rolling cart can be just what the doctor ordered. I got mine at kmart, and it folds up for easy storage. However, imagine all the things you could move and carry if you had a real hand truck!

4. Have a tool box
I have a neon pink tool box full of neon pink tools I got when I graduated from High School. I don't use it often, but when I need a hammer, screw driver, box cutter, or anything else, I know I've got what I need, and I know where it is. Not ready for a whole tool box? They also make these hammers with tools in the handle as well as some pretty fun floral tool sets.

5. Be a googler.
Most things I need to figure out around the house are googlable. Since I live in an old house, sometimes silverfish slither out of my shower drain. Understandably, I was TOTALLY FREAKED OUT the first time I saw one. And I still am. But that's what the shoes are for. And that's what Google is for. Another googlable situation? Fruit flies. With an old water bottle, a little vinegar, and a rolled up piece of printer paper, that, too, was solved. And also, this is how I figured out my pilot light was still on, when I had concerned. I just googled how to check it out.

So, get it, girl. You don't need a man. Wanting one, though, may be a different story.

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