It's that time again when Santa wakes his team up. Their's much training to do, but this year the record is on?

A CHRISTMAS STORY (For the young at heart) By Keith Evans
The snow was falling heavily, Santa quickly checked out his red outfit
before opening the huge barn doors. This was one of the those moments
he really enjoyed every year. His Reindeer had been in hibernation all
year and Santa had really missed seeing them all. "Do you think they
will like my outfit", he asked his little band of helpers who were
eagerly waiting behind him with shovels at the ready. "Course they will
Boss", the little foreman replied. "What's he sodding well talking
about", one little helper whispered to his mate, then continued. "He's
worn that same bloody outfit for the last 200years, or have I gone
bloody blind all of a sudden". "SHUSH", the foreman whispered, Santa
will hear you. "O.K. boy's, get them masks up", Santa then reached up
to remove the bars across the huge doors. "Why us? Why do we have to
clear this shite year in year out? I mean, we do the toy's, we do all
the brewing up, go for his dinners, wash his stupid bloody white beard.
And what thanks do we get hey; I ask you, and another thing, if he says
HO HO HO one more bloody time, this shovel is going straight up his
bum". (It sounded like little Jeremy was quite upset, don't you think
children.) "Ready to go boss", the foreman shouted from behind his
mask. Santa pulled open the doors, the stench of 12 months shit drifted
out into the night air. Somewhere out of the dark came a voice, which
sounded a little upset? "DON'T TELL ME YOUR OPENING THEM BLOODY DOORS
WILL YOU", his darling sweet wife shouted from the house. She quickly
slammed shut the kitchen window, showing her displeasure by shoving one
finger up at her dear husband. "Sorry my little cherub", Santa softly
shouted back, his face slightly blushing.
They all stood at the doors, all peering into the dark barn. It was
Santa who first spoke. "HO.HO. HO, boys, IT'S CHRISTMAS", they all
waited for a response. "Right, that's it, that's the last bloody HO HO
HO he will shout". Jeremy rushed forward. Jeremy had to be restrained
as he rushed towards his boss, shovel at the ready. The cold Arctic
wind rushed into the barn, quickly giving the usual response from the
rear of the barn. It was those angelic tones as was shouted last year.
"SHUT THEM SODDING DOORS YOU GREAT BIG RED FAIRY". "Nice to hear you
missed me boys. How do you like my outfit", he asked. By this time his
little helpers were busy with their shovels. Unfortunately one had
gotten a bit to close to one of the Reindeer, Santa watched him as he
flew over his head. Yes children, you guessed, it was poor old Jeremy.
"Right you great big red nosed fleabag, this shovels going right up
Rudolph's backside". Jeremy quickly wiped off the snow then rushed back
into the barn. Santa quickly grabbed hold of Jeremy. "Not so quick lad,
you should know what Rudolph's like till he's had his first drink."
Santa was of course referring to Rudolph's drinking habits. Most people
in Lapland were well aware that poor Rudolph was of course, an
alcoholic. Obviously his red nose is a dead give away if you think
about it.
There were of course many rumours about Santa's Reindeer. One such
rumour, which of course was just a rumour I must point out because
nobody had actually caught them at it was, any god fearing Reindeer
with a name like Prancer must be gay. And his so-called partner in this
vicious rumour was of course Dancer. Now children, I must point out
that it is only a rumour, properly started by those nasty elves. Now
then, were was I, oh yes. "O.K. which one of you fleabags nicked my
bottle? Rudolph shouted as he clawed away at the frozen ground. "Don't
look at me darling", Prancer snorted as she, sorry, he, licked his bum.
"That's bloody disgusting that is", Jeremy said as he watched Prancer
cleaning himself. "What is" Santa replied. "Why, that is. Look, he's
sticking his tongue right up his bum". Jeremy was now pointing at
Prancer, who was oblivious to Jeremy's observations. "He's an animal,
that's how animals wash themselves", Santa told Jeremy. At this point
Cupid, another one of Santa's Reindeer intervened. "Lithen Jeremy,
don't leth Pranther hear you thaying thath or he will thick hith tongue
up your bum". Poor Cupid was born with a terrible lisp; it's not a
typing error I can assure you. "Run off now Jeremy", Santa told his
little helper. "We have to have some practise runs this evening. The
usual formation boys, Rudolph up front, and the rest of you as last
year", Santa was just about to continue when Rudolph quickly
interrupted. "Theirs no way I am having that pervert behind me again,"
he was pointing his hoof at Prancer. "Now, now, boys. Prancer has
already apologised for what happened last year. And if you remember
Rudolph, it was not all Prancer's fault if I recall". Santa was now
running his fingers through his beard. A habit that usually means he's
Click here to read the rest of this story (91 more lines)

Authors appreciate feedback!Please vote, and write to the authors to tell them what you liked or didn't like about the story!