Thursday, April 3, 2008

Back to Sweden in English where The Local tells us that a "drug-taking flasher" (otherwise known as an "ecclectic multi-tasker") was found guilty, not of taking drugs, not of flashing, but of stealing a carton of milk. There's really no reason given as to why the drugs and the public private exposure were not given some sort of precedence over the milk. But that's the thing about the Swedish in English. They're very vague with things that tend to require more explanation. Perhaps that's why I continue to read. I keep going back hoping that the missing pieces may have fallen into place and I will no longer be kept up at night wondering, wondering and wondering some more.

Apparently, this 23-year old drug taking flasher had a bit of a concentrated crime spree one day last summer. It started with the stealing of the milk. He stole the milk from a market called "Willys" (By the way, a "willy" is a UK term for "penis". I, for one, will not be shopping there.) located in and area called Kinna. After said dairy thievery, and presumedly having met his recommended daily allowance of calcium, he decided to exercise his newly mineral infused bones by punching a woman in the shoulder on Orbyvagen and then threatening to take her life. (No word on why or how this woman particularly aggravated him to the point of arm punching and life threatening. Also no word on what the hell Orbyvagen means or is. See? Vague.) After that it was on to Torkelsgatan (OK, at this point, I'm pretty sure that they're just making up these names.) where he felt the need to do what most criminals do after stealing milk and punching women. That's right, he exposed himself to two different people. Typical Swedish criminal day: Steal some milk. Show strangers your penis. I'm sure it was the screams of horror that brought this guy to the attention of the police. As they attempted to arrest him, he attempted to bite them. Once subdued, it was determined that the man was (this will surprise you) under the influence of amphetamines. (I know! I was expecting alcohol to be the culprit here, too! Well, I guess that's Sweden for you.) The police also stated that he admitted to "some" of the offenses. No word on which ones he chose to 'fess up to, of course.

So, after all of this, the amphetamine fueled, milk stealing flasher was found by a court to be guilty of the milk stealing. (Perhaps that was the "some" that he admitted to. It would seem like the safest bet. It's definitely better than admitting to the flashing.) The court then imposed a fine of six kronor. That should teach him. Oh, wait. Six kronor is ONE dollar? ONE?? The milk itself had to be more than a buck! How do you only fine the guy a dollar?! What do they do to you if you kill someone over there? Send you to your room?! WTF, Sweden?! WTF?!