Readthisbitch: i wanna be a professional cuddler.
they’re makin money these days.

Manfriend: yeah i heard about that
however:
boners.
that would be the biggest professional hazard.

R: yeah i mean
i’m not afraid of a boner.
you know i can turn down a boner if it comes up when unwanted.
“unsexy cuddling with [Readthisbitch]” will be the name of my business.
every time someone starts to get too frisky I’ll fart on them or tell them a gross story about hemmroids.

So me and the BF were sitting on our couch smoking a bowl, and I put on Pink Floyd “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” because it was stuck in my head. I was being silly and singing along and doing crazy hand motions. At one point, he was hitting the bowl and the song had just gotten to the first chorus, and I closed my eyes and thrust my arms out dramatically, and at the same point he was trying to pass me the bowl, and I fucking SMACKED the bowl out of his hand and it went flying across the room!! Luckily it landed on the carpet… and we started fucking cracking up–the bowl was fine but all the weed fell out and I was like “I’ll ..uh.. repack that..”

Partying level: (Grade yourself based on this bell curve)
Not at all: subtract 1 point
A little: add 1 point
I like to party but I can keep my shit together: add 3 points
I party like a fuckin crazy person: add 1 point
Alcoholic/addict: subtract 1 point