October 4, 2010

MOMMY GUILT

As I get more and more entrenched in the "mom space," I'm starting to wonder if some moms have a stronger genetic predisposition to the "MG" (that's: Mom Guilt) more than others. Is it regional? Is it an age thing? Is it an environmental thing?

Until recently, I would say I was your quintessential Californian/ Westside neurotic mom. Perhaps it was a divorce, a full time job (in said "mom space"), and some personal drama sprinkled here and there that made me loosen the reigns... that made me able to laugh at myself more and truly embrace the "whatever works" attitude that I desperately wished I lived by. Of course, connecting and following other moms online, like our lovely panelists on Momversation, has helped the realization set in too: There is nothing therapy can't fix. No seriously, the realization that no one is perfect and all you can do is your very best... And truly, you'd have to be a pretty bad mom to screw them up pretty bad.

Anyway, someone sent me this video, and I thought it was too funny not to share. Do you have any friends like these? (Please don't say me!)

I don't feel as much MG as I used to, now that I'm on my third child. With my first, I wanted to do everything by the book: limited TV time. Organic food. No sugar. I could go on, but you get the point. I used to feel guilty when I slipped up on one of my motherhood goals - but I quickly realized that I wasn't *really* screwing him up. And so with my two subsequent sons, I've loosened up quite a bit.

The way I look at it is this: a meal without a vegetable, or a non-educational TV show, is not gonna mess them up. Living with a stressed-out, perfectionistic mommy is far more detrimental in the long run.

Mom Guilt for me is like a competition that you are never going to win because we all want to be the best mom possible, but we feel like we have to do it all.

Do my kids ear organic, no. Do they watch TV, yes. But when I watch my kids playing together with no fights, just pure joy. I know that we are all going to be alright. I just have to remember that someone else's perfection isn't going to be my perfection and that's ok!

I shared this on my blog not long ago. I'm grateful to say I have never encountered this in real life. But boy do I see it online all the time. Shamful, really! Moms should not treat each other that way.