Archive for Men On Relationships

Recently I was reading an article about the Russel Brand/Katy Perry divorce. Before you decide to stop reading this article hear me out first. Russel finally decided to open up about the reasons why he decided to file for divorce from the famous pop singer. Apparently the former career partier, recovering drug addict, alcoholic and sex addict had finally reached a point in his life where he no longer wanted to party. Russel Brand finally wanted to settle down with the woman he loved.

Here are the problems that caused the divorce:

1) Settling Down

After years of drinking, drugs, sex and parties, Russel (36 years of age) had come to a point in his life where he realized there was more to life then a good night of hard partying. He wanted to focus on a relationship and start a family.

Katy Perry (27 years of age) however, has not lived the same life as the experienced Russel Brand. At this stage in her life she is very focused on her career and having a good time in the hollywood night life. An idea of having children and settling down were the furthest from her mind.

Now the reason why I tell you this is because when a man is ready to finally settle down, get married and have children he will look for a woman who is ready to settle down as well. If he sees that you are not ready then he will become hesitant to propose, because he won’t want to end up like Russel & Katy.

A similar problem is that fact that Russel Brand and Katy Perry were in to different places in their life. Brand had experienced everything he ever wanted from drugs, drinking, rampant sex and partying. He had reached a new stage in his life, where he wanted more then just a night of clubbing.

Perry being 9 years Brand’s junior, had not had a chance to live that life, which apparently is something she really wants to do. A relationship is very hard to live with when one partner wants one kind of life and the other wants something different. Obviously these sorts of things should be discussed before you ever think of marriage.

This might be the reason why a boyfriend could be uncertain about putting that ring on your ringer. Perhaps he still wants to party, but that is not something you want anymore or you could be very focused on your career and he wants to have children. There are a million different reasons why the both of you might be at different places in your life, but one thing is for certain until the both of you get on the same page a proposal is probably not in the cards.

What is the best thing to do?

Have an open discussion with him. There is no need to bring up marriage, this conversation should just be about where you both are in life.
* Ask him what he wants in life in the next year and what he wants in the next five years
– What does he want with his career
– where does he want to live
– what kind of lifestyle does he want to have

* Then let him know what you want
* After that all you have to do is compare each others answers and make sure that you are either on the same page or at the very least heading in the same direction. Discover the secrets you need to know on how to get your boyfriend to propose

Men want to marry their moms. I’m sure you have heard that phrase before. However, the reasons why men want to marry their mothers and why women believe they do, differ greatly. Many women believe the reason is because men want to be babied and pampered their whole lives. For some men this is definitely true. There are a number of mamaboys, who will always be suckling at his mother’s breast no matter how old he is. These men are easy to spot, they are constantly calling their moms, always checking in and can’t make a single decision without consulting with her. These men are to be avoided like the plague, as you will never replace or even come close to being the number one women in his life.

For all other men who have a regular normal relationship with their mom, they are not looking to be pampered or babied. The reason why they are looking for a woman like their mom to marry is because a man wants a woman like his mom to raise his children. You see, most men think they are a good person, and they believe their parents did a decent job raising them. Which is why they are a decent human being. Now as a man, a guy knows he will do the best job he can to raise his children. However, the woman he is with is an unknown factor. Therefore, to better ensure that his future children are taken care of, a man looks for similar characteristics between a woman he is with and his mom.

There are lots of women these days who express zero motherly characteristics. If you love to party all night, drink like a fish, and constantly goofing off with your friends, don’t be surprised when he doesn’t recognize you as the mother type. I’m not saying you can’t have fun in life, but the reason he might not have proposed yet is because he can’t see the potential mother in you. It might be time to show him.

What is the best way to do this? Get to know his mom, see what she is like and recognize the similarities between the both of you. Start expressing those similarities for him to see. Notice how I said similarities, you don’t need to change yourself. You just need to express similar characteristics, characteristics that you already have, but have not been overly evident up to this point.

A prime example of this would be Kevin and his wife Stacey. Kevin and Stacey first met when Kevin was 30 and Stacey was 25. While neither one of them was really thinking of marriage, Kevin started growing tired of the fact that Stacey always wanted to party, drink and have a good time. She never really thought of anything else. She never took life to serious and didn’t ever think about life further then the next weekend. Wanting to become more serious Kevin felt this just wasn’t the type of woman he could do that with.

They didn’t see each other for seven years, but when they finally met again Kevin realized Stacey had completely changed. She was done with all the partying and as Kevin described her “She had become the type of woman he would want to have a family with” After only six months of dating Kevin proposed marriage and they now have two beautiful healthy children together. While its true they were in different places in their lives when they first met, according to Kevin it was the fact that once he realized she would be a good mother he wanted to get married. Discover more reasons as to why your boyfriend might be holding back his marriage proposal.

I once heard a saying “Women marry when they are in love, Men marry when the time is right”

I think it is very simplified by for the most part its true. I hear from women all the time saying that they love their boyfriends and their boyfriends say they love them in return, but there is no sign of a marriage proposal. I have loved a few women, but love is not enough to get me to marry a woman. In fact I have had ex-girlfriends try to trick me into proposing to them, but a man needs more then love to make him want to propose. While there are a number of factors, there are two key ones I want to focus on of this article.

1) A man will usually hold off until the time is right. Most men will not propose to a woman when they are down on their luck. A man feels like if he can not provide for and protect the woman he loves then he shouldn’t get married. Its just not the right time. If a man can not handle or take care of his own life, how will he be able to take care of the woman he loves. In fact, marriage is just a constant reminder how he is not good enough.

If you love this man, he treats you the way you deserve, and you want a future with him don’t give up on him. All he needs is to be in a place where he feels like he can protect you and provide for you. Telling him that, that doesn’t matter to you, will not resolve this problem. The only way you can overcome this situation is by getting him on his feet and in a position in life where he feels like he can be that kind of man for you. Saying “I support you no matter what” doesn’t mean anything with a man. You need to roll up your sleeves and give him the physical support that he needs.

If he is lacking sales for his new company, get out there and get him some new clients. If he is spending all his time working on tiny side jobs instead of focusing on growing his business, take over doing some of those smaller jobs. He isn’t happy with his job, redo his resume and show it to him so he can see how you see him and how proud you are of his accomplishments. Most guys undersell themselves on resumes especially when they are feeling down. A great self esteem booster is when he sees how you truly see him. Once he is feeling confident, throw down some jobs that would be perfect for him. He needs to go back to school, but isn’t sure how he can get by, if he reduces the number of hours at work while he goes to school.

This brings me to my second point of what a man needs to get married, its true the right time is essential, but I hope you can tell he also needs a partner in life.

2) A Life Partner. Most men understand that love tends to fade, and during rough patches love tends to evaporate. What a man needs to see is that the woman they are with will be a partner. A man has a ingrained desire to provide for and protect his wife, will she give him the physical support he needs to be the man he needs to be.

A marriage is about two people coming together and moving through life as one. If a woman is only focused on her life, her job, her appearance, her hobbies, etc. Then he is going to feel a little reluctant to want to commit to marriage, because when a rough patch hits your lives will you give him the support he needs or will you leave him. A woman saying “I support you no matter what honey” mean nothing to a man. He needs to see the physical support to understand you are his life partner. To learn more about how you can show him you are the one.

I once dated a girl who was all about achieving. She had been a top of her class student all the way, and had immense career prospects. She was involved in a number of causes and community groups and was clearly going to change the world. I, on the other hand, was an adequate achiever with modest goals and a slightly different outlook. I wanted to do well at what I did and make a good living, but I didn’t feel the same sense of drive. In fact, sometimes I liked to goof off. I would look at work that needed to be done and the brilliant sun outside, shrug, and reason that while the work would be there tomorrow, this perfect day might not be. She couldn’t agree sadly, and it was one of the reasons we parted ways.
One other factor was that sometimes I’m silly. I get on well with children and am completely at home reading my niece stories, with funny voices and all. I’ll get down on the floor and play dolls with her, and while her Cindy doll might make some cynical conversation (that goes right over my nieces head thankfully) I will give myself to it with abandon because it’s fun to do that. I don’t even need children around for it. But some women find that disconcerting. It’s a little juvenile to want to stop in the toy aisle of the department store when you don’t have kids, and even more so to set up the army action figures in the dolls house for a tea party, but here’s a newsflash: a lot of guys actually like being a little juvenile and irresponsible sometimes. Unfortunately, some women will disapprove, and make it known.
My message to them is, lighten up! There will always be people who don’t have a crazy and reckless streak, but I think they are the exception, not the norm. Most people I know like to blow off a little steam once in a while and I think it’s vital that for a guy to be considering sharing his life with some, he factors that in. If the woman he is considering marrying can’t accept him being a little crazy every once in a while, then it is going to become a strain. If he has to bottle up his childish instincts because his fiancé will scowl when he dashes through a neighbor’s sprinkler on their evening walk, he is not going to be a very relaxed guy eventually. If any silliness – which lets off steam – is frowned upon, he’ll start to suffer stress because that is what a little childishness combats.
Instead I would say cultivate a little frivolity yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to be immature or puerile all the time; just allow yourself to play sometimes. When we laugh we feel good about ourselves and those we are laughing with. It will draw you closer together to be able to have some fun, and you will become a part of the stress relief he probably needs from time to time. If you can initiate it sometimes it will tell him that you are a good person to have around.
So pay attention to how your guy plays sometimes. Take note of how his silliness emerges; is it dumb movies, goofing off with friends or being a little mischievous? If he’s into practical jokes, get a feel for what the boundaries are and join him in it – maybe participating in one of his before trying your own. Whatever you do, lighten up and have some fun with your guy, and he will want to experience more things in this world with you. Discover the secrets to make your man to pop the question.

I know that marriage is supposed to be about falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with the person you love. Therefore, if your boyfriend loves you he should automatically want to marry you. Well I’m here to tell you, love is only one of the reasons why men get married.

One of the big reasons why men marry is because the person they are with is an amazing partner. Let’s look at some of the things that make up a good life partner for a man:

A partner is someone that works with them to create a life. A future that they both can enjoy and look forward to living each and every day. Not just someone who is pretty and believes they are special. There are lots of beautiful women in this world and everybody is special because we are all unique. At least that is what they taught us in elementary school.

Someone who supports him no matter what. Its easy to find a person who is willing to support someone during the good times. Ask yourself, you would be willing to stay and support him, If he lost his job, had no income and was completely bankrupt? Would you be willing to support him both financially and emotionally?

Are you a calming, relaxing and loving environment to be around? Work is a constant source of stress, so coming home to you is supposed to be a calm environment where he can re-energize for the next day. If you are a constant emotional roller coaster, that is a complete drain on him, there is a large chance he will not marry you.

Do you help to make his life easier? Do you give him the support and helping hand he needs to achieve his goals? This does not mean he should not help and support you, but you need to look at whether you really give him the helping hand he needs. The simplest way to do this is to look at whether his life is easier with you in it or if it is easier for him to be single. Would he have more money in his account without you? Would he have more time to focus on his business, hobbies or the things he really enjoys? Would he be less stressed?

These are just a few of the factors that make up a good partner and will influence him to look at marriage more seriously. There is one thing I continuously hear in every speech a successful man gives and that is “I would not be where I am, if it was not for my loving wife.” Love didn’t help to get the man to where he is. It was the fact that his loving wife was an amazing partner who helped support him in doing what he needed to do to succeed. She was that extra helping hand that he needed. She was the partner in life, that he had been looking for.

The reason workmen always put tape or barriers around fresh cement is simple: anything that happens to that cement will be permanent. If a cheeky kid writes their name or an inattentive jogger steps in it then it will forever bear that shape. So workers are very careful about the way they leave their projects, knowing that this is the final form they want it to take.

Relationships are a the same when they cross that threshold into marriage. Whatever things look like beforehand, they will probably resemble after, just more set that way. If you find your man is not one to clean up after himself, that will not magically change with a ring on his finger. Similarly, if you are a compulsive tidier, the chances are that you will still be following him around with a laundry hamper in ten years’ time. Whatever patterns and behaviors have been established in your relationship and lives during the dating years will continue after the wedding, and quite possibly not just solidify but strengthen.

This means that you might want to look long and hard at how you and your prospective mate deal with these little issues between you, before they become serious sore spots. While it may be cute at first that he is always rushing to iron a shirt before work in the morning, it won’t take many months for the novelty to wear off and it to become a source of frustration. If something like this looks like it could become a point of conflict, it is better to address it sooner rather than later. By and large, people don’t take well to being asked to change, least of all men. So dealing with these ‘little things’ may not be easy. That’s when you need to consider if they are going to be deal breakers, because once the cement sets, you have to live with it.

The other thing to consider is how flexible you are willing to be. It’s a two-way street, the process of negotiating and accepting change. If you are aware of habits and foibles you have that rub your partner up the wrong way, imagine the exponential frustration increase that five, ten or twenty years of it may cause. Then consider whether you are willing to try to modify your own behavior to make life together easier.

Relationships are an ongoing work of communication and compromise. However, once you commit to marrying, you are accepting the person ‘as is’ in many ways. It’s not to say they can’t change, but it may be too late to discover that the one habit you can’t live with is the one that they can’t live without. Be very careful that the cement sets in a shape you can spend the rest of your life with. Learn what must know before trying to get your boyfriend to marry you

I know it may seem hard to believe, but it is a very real truth. If a man does not have a stable career, he will actually postpone his marriage proposal. What you have to understand about men is they have no major worries in life before they get married. They pay rent, buy food and have some extra money for entertainment and a guy is good. Its a pretty worry free life.

Once a man gets married, everything in his life changes. This is the moment when he begins to worry. Making enough money to pay rent and drink beer with his friends is not enough. He is now responsible for the both of you and it doesn’t matter if you work as well, because he is only thinking about what he can contribute. Men never assume they will be sharing your money. Don’t forget that once you are married, it won’t be long before children arrive. So add in another two or three worries. If he can barely take care of himself, having to take of a family will be an impossible feat for him.

This man is going from living a carefree life to suddenly being responsible for the lives of an entire family. If a man does not have a solid career, it will make him feel extremely uneasy about taking on that kind of responsibility. He won’t feel ready for it and will therefore try to avoid any discussions of it. Any talk of marriage will register as a direct attack on his manhood. You see, a real man is capable of raising, protecting and supporting their family, something he at this time is not capable of doing. Bringing up marriage just brings up the idea, in his mind that he is not a man. His only defense is to avoid any talk of marriage and if talks continue, then to become extremely upset and pull away. Very few men will ever admit that they don’t feel man enough to get married.

Of course, many women say “But he has a stable career!” Well, his career may be stable, but that doesn’t mean he is happy in it. I know lots of guys who have jobs that just pay the bills, but everyday is an up at dawn pride swallowing siege. Since they don’t have any responsibilities they can leave this job at any time and hopefully find something better. It is this idea that keeps them going. However, if they were to get married, this terrible job that they hate, would likely become a permanent position. One they would be forced to stay in.

Instead of pressuring him for a proposal, try asking him about his job. Is he happy in it? How does he feel about his job security? Is this what he wants to do or is there another field he would like to go into? Listen to him, find out what he wants and then help him get it. I mean sit down with him, tell him how much faith you have in him and help him to organize himself to get the type of job he wants. Try to find those types of opportunities, help him apply or get the training so he can apply. A man would be hard pressed not to marry the woman who got him to where he is. On the other hand, no man will ever marry a demanding woman, who cares little about his stress and only wants to get married.

This is just one of many obstacles you will have to overcome in getting your boyfriend to propose. If you don’t handle them the right way, he won’t even think of popping the question. Instead you need to learn how a man’s mind works, in order to get him to want to marry you

Last weekend my cousin had a beautiful wedding to her boyfriend of 2 years. It was a Big Fat Greek wedding, with lots of people, food and dancing. It was really nice to see and I hope my cousin and her new husband will have all the happiness in the world.

The funny thing about the wedding was my brother was asked to MC the reception and the bride and groom asked that the time allocated to the speeches be limited to only 20 minutes. That doesn’t mean 20 minutes for each person, they only wanted 20 minutes for all the speeches. When my brother told them this was unrealistic, they conceded and felt 25 minutes would be more realistic. Well after all the heartfelt speeches had been completed, the total time had run into the 2 hour range. Hopefully it didn’t throw off their plans too much.

Long gone are the days when the father of the bride, best man and groom speaks. Now everybody seems to want to have a speech at a wedding these days. At this wedding the father of the bride, best man, two maids of honor, a good friend of the bride, a good friend of the groom, a few friends of the family, and some single people shopping for potential mates all had a chance behind the microphone.

There was one speech that made a really good point and that was by the father of the groom. He said “Love is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when you try to figure out which one.”

I really liked that because I do see that a lot in current relationships. In the beginning everybody is madly in love and happy that they are one with their partner. Then as time goes on, people try to figure out who they are in the relationship and start trying to re-establish a new identity and want their partner to mold into this identity. Its the forcing a partner into a new identity that they never signed up for. Keep an eye out for this because forcing a man into a new identity is not something he is going to like. If he asked you to marry him, its because he is happy with the way things are now! Change that and he might not be so happy.

One good idea that my cousin had was to have the wedding cake made into cupcakes, so they wouldn’t have to cut the cake. Everybody could just take a cupcake and better yet have different options chocolate or vanilla, depending on what people like.

One of the biggest reasons a guy might not propose is because of all the stress in his life. Stress is a silent killer that slowly eats away at the growth of a relationship. When your boyfriend spends more time worrying about his stress (wherever it may come from) and less time about you then this can definitely halt any plans for a proposal. The problem is a proposal is the last thing on his mind because he is constantly thinking about his problems.

What can you do to reduce the stress so he will realize that you are a woman he should spend the rest of his life with:

1) Affection is one of the best stress reduces. This is a very hard job, so only do it if you know you are up for the task. Different forms of affection that can reduce stress:

Hugs – make sure you give your man a hug each morning before you leave for work and each evening you see each other after work.

Pet Name – give your man a pet name that only you call him in private. Once he hears you call him that name, he will know he is in a safe place

Kisses – Give your partner soft gentle kisses, just to let him know that you are close at hand

Massage – Nothing reduces the stress and tension in a man’s body like receiving a massage from their partner

Its these affectionate moments that will remind him that no matter how much stress he has in his life, there is always a safe place where he can forget all about his stress.

2) Sit down with your man and talk about a way to work through the stressor is possible. Don’t overwhelm him, just let him know you want to help. Once you have come up with a plan, put it into action and help him execute it. Remember talk is cheap, but when he actually sees you helping him to get rid of his stress, it can only draw him closer to you. The point of this experience is to show him that not only do you love him and support him, but when push comes to shove you will help him through those tough times. That he can count on you to be there for him. He will realize that he needs you in his life. Show him with your actions how much you care. Discover the different factors that can stop him from realizing you are the one

I will never forget a good friend approaching me at our wedding reception. He shook my hand and congratulated me earnestly, then he stepped close. Still gripping my hand he looked me in the eye and said, “Now comes the hard part.”

He was right. There is a danger that once you have a ring on your finger, you might think you have crossed the finish line and all the hard work is over. However, if you want the marriage to last, quite the opposite is true. Getting married is not graduation day; it’s the first semester of your freshman year. It is the start of building a life together, of investing in a relationship that will be robust enough to handle the realities of living with another person, day in and day out.

Dating is about making a good impression; flirting, wooing, enticing and seducing. However, after your first really good illness, when you are disheveled and exhausted and he is doing double duty to keep the house running and an income coming in, your bedroom eyes won’t cut it. There will be no more mystery. So if you stopped trying to build real intimacy when you left the altar, there will be precious little to fall back on.

Instead of a destination, think of your marriage as the journey. Everything that went before was simply the preparation; packing your bags to see if you were ready to go. Now you have set out, you will see how well you prepared and how the two of you can improvise what you need to keep going. But if you want to stop and sit on your pack and expect him to carry you, it won’t last long. What you need to do instead is two-fold.

First, keep improving yourself. He fell in love with who you were and where you were going, probably because it was a similar direction to his. Keep becoming that person, growing as an individual. It will help him respect you, and provide those moments of delight for you both as you discover new facets to who you are.

Second, keep investing in him. He still wants to be flirted with, seduced and fawned over occasionally. The ring he gave you isn’t magical – it is a symbol of what he saw and felt. It stands for his choice of you over anyone else; keep reminding him why, and that you chose him similarly.

I have been married for over fifteen years now and one of the key things my wife and I can point to in our relationship is our commitment to keeping it going. It’s not just a bloody-minded determination to stay together. It is a heartfelt resolve to keep making it better, by building on what we saw all those years ago. We have our dull patches and our dreary days, but they are part of a much bigger patchwork which is vivid with the colours of love, generosity, affection and more than a little effort. What’s more, we look forward to many more years to come. And the best part? As we live and love this way, it just keeps getting better.