Sunday, 28 February 2016

There is nothing as exciting as being invited to go on a fashion shoot with a brand whose clothes that you wear and love. I own quite a few pieces of Joe Browns fashion, so I felt genuinely honoured to be invited to go to shoot with them at Tropical World in Leeds.

There are ALWAYS clothes that I want to wear on their website, there are also some that I look at and say "Oh Hell No, that is not for me" but after trying on a LOT of their Spring/Summer range that is out now, I have to put my hands up and say, you have to try on a lot of the clothes before dismissing them completely. they look completely different on.

Myself and Jess from http://www.forevermissvanity.com went to Tropical World in Leeds, which is one of my favourite places in the whole world to model the new Spring/Summer range. Everything we wore can be found NOW on the website.

Here are just a few of my favourite shots from my Joe Browns shoot

I had an amazing afternoon trying on so many different Joe Browns outfits, it was such fun and I now have a list of clothing of theirs that I want to own this coming summer.

Friday, 26 February 2016

Do you ever stand in a group of your peers and think, "Oh GOD, Why am I here? I don't deserve to be here. These people are incredibly talented, and then there is me. And me is a potato"

Welcome to my life.

Today I am attending a very cool event with Lovedrobe and there are some EPIC women going. I buy clothes that they recommend, I follow them on Instagram, Facebook, I read their blogs DAILY and devour their every word.

What do I do? I swear on the Internet for shit and giggles. I rant, a LOT. I AM A POTATO in comparison. I feel like a fraud. My idea of fashion is wearing matching PJs. Actually that's more like #FashionGoals and I am going to be posing, and smizing up a storm next to these fierce women who are EVERYTHING.

There is a voice in my head, it is eating cake and whispering, "Why are YOU going? Surely there is some mistake. They meant to invite the OTHER Kellie Brown. You are a FRAUD"

I know I will have a fabulous time, these women are friendly, amazing, and lovely, but it won't stop the voice whispering, "Fraud" every now and then.

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

Right, Ladies and Gentlemen. I want you to think of this as a SAFE SPACE. There will be NO judgement here. You can speak your mind and unburden yourselves of your deepest, darkest love for cheesy/bad/goddamn awful music here.

My name is Kellie Brown and I LOVE Nickelback. I do, and I'm not even sorry. I know all the words to Animals, will rock out to Bottoms Up and I DONT CARE.

Yes, for some this will be enough to make them turn their back upon me, never to look at me again, but I feel FREE. I feel light and I feel GOOD.

This is a music AMNESTY. What bands or songs or singers do you love that people tell you, you shouldn't?

Tuesday, 23 February 2016

Do you ever look at someone parenting their child and think, "Well, that is outrageous, they should not be doing that, that is totally wrong in my eyes and they should not parent their child that way, they should parent their child in the same way that I do" ?

Then this post is not for you, because I am GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED of people judging other people's parenting skills, comparing them to their own and then finding them lacking in some way or another.

The reason behind this rant? (Yes, I have a reason, hear me out) Coleen Rooney is facing criticism for leaving her newborn baby behind and jetting off to Italy with her 6 year old son in the half-term.

Now, let's be honest here, it isn't like she left her children in an unlocked hotel room is it? She left them with THEIR FATHER, who I am sure is more than capable. She also had the grandparents on call. She didn't hand her crotchfruit over to babysitters and swan off on a girlie holiday and you know what? EVEN IF SHE DID EXACTLY THAT, isn't it down to her to parent her own children? She isn't harming them, abusing them or making poor judgement calls. She has three children, trust me when I tell you it is difficult with three children to spend quality time with each child and if I had the funds, the time and quite frankly could be arsed, I would like to see different parts of the world with different children.

What I never understand is some parents overwhelming desire to make themselves feel better by challenging other parents choices. "Oh I would NEVER leave little Flo-Jo/Kanye/Joey at that age"

Well good for you. Round of applause, let me give you the No1 Parent sticker you so obviously crave.

Why cannot we all make different choices? Why does someone's parenting choices have to be better or worse than someone else's?

Monday, 22 February 2016

So the search for the perfect selfie continues for the many. Over the last week I was upset to read about beach goers pulling a baby dolphin from the sea to have their picture taken with it, and then over the weekend, another story emerged about someone pulling a small shark out onto the beach to take the "ultimate selfie"

Listen up you wankpuffins, if you want the ultimate selfie, get in the sea. Swim right up to that Great White and ask it to say cheese.

No? You don't fancy that? Then leave the creatures alone. You don't get to drag animals out of the sea to take your pictures, you go to them, and if it's too dangerous to go to them, then you don't get your pictures. They are the RULES.

What the hell are people going to do with these pictures anyway? A selfie with a dead baby dolphin is not exactly going to be your highest liked picture on Instagram, you spunk nugget. No-one wants to see a dead dolphin in your pics, and I don't give a SHIT what filter you use.

You want a picture with a beautiful creature? The beautiful creature does not want to be pulled from its natural habitat to have its picture taken with some one so ugly on the inside that it is willing to risk the life of its photographic subject.

Want the picture?

To borrow a well known phrase doing the rounds,

Get In The Sea.

What are your thoughts on the dolphin selfies, and the latest news that someone tried to take their picture with a small shark-like fish,

Saturday, 13 February 2016

Friday, 12 February 2016

This week's Nom or Vom can only be one guy. THAT guy. You know the guy, THAT ONE, the one we are all seeing, at the SAME TIME. Some of us will see him before others, but we are ALLLLLL excited to see him this weekend.

Monday, 8 February 2016

You know what? I am sick to the back teeth of having my inbox "penetrated" by penises. ENOUGH.

Ladies, I am not alone in wondering what on EARTH makes men send pictures of their dick to women that don't even know their name, am I?

I made the mistake of opening my Twitter DM so that anyone can message me if they need to talk, I now have so many dick pictures that I could create a Hall Of Fame, Shame for dicks.

Men who send me dick pics remind me of cats bringing dead animals to my back door. They think they are doing me a favour, and they are ever so proud of their offering, but at the end of the day, it's not useful, it looks quite vile and I really don't want to touch it.

It came as a startling realisation to me one day that men are not sending us pictures of their penis because they are proud of them. It is a way to shock women, to frighten them, in the same way that EVERY wall that is covered in graffiti contains at least ONE crudely drawn penis, it is a shock tactic. You rarely, if ever see a drawing of a vagina on a wall, but cock pictures? EVERYWHERE.

MEN, Keep your dicks where you can see them, not where we can see them, because trust me, we don't want them popping up in our inbox.

Ladies, do you agree? How many times have you received pictures of penises that you haven't requested?

Thursday, 4 February 2016

So it seems that the self-professed king of pick-up artists Daryush Valizadeh, otherwise known as knob,wanker,tosser, Roosh-V has cancelled his "meetings" across the world as he cannot guarantee the safety or privacy of its attendees.

Let that just sink in for a second,

The man who lists, STOP ASKING PERMISSION, as one of his top pick up tips, cannot guarantee the SAFETY of the men who attend.

Excuse me while I mop up the tears, which I have not yet shed, for this man and his followers.

This man does not care about the safety of women, he teaches other men not to care about the safety of women, and yet when the tables are turned? He bleats that his rights are being violated.

Get the fuck out.

AND STAY OUT.

Perhaps, if only for a second, this man and his followers are now feeling just a fraction of the fear that women can and DO feel when they are on the receiving end of unwelcome advances. We run that gauntlet wherever we go. popping to the shops, walking down the street, pushing a buggy, there is no sanctuary from unwelcome advances.

Perhaps someone should ask Roosh-V what he was wearing when he started to feel unsafe.

Perhaps he brought it on himself?

DID YOU NOT READ THE SIGNS, Mr Valizadeh?

How much had you had to drink, Mr Roosh?

Are you SURE you wanted to cancel? Did YOU SAY the words clearly?

Because these are the words that women hear every time an assault happens.

NO-ONE WANTS YOU HERE, we are GLAD you have cancelled your plans, and if you rearrange them, WE WILL tell you again and again that you are not welcome here.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

So whilst certain men are throwing shade all across Twitter and grabbing the wrong end of the stick, the women involved in the petty little showdown are basically setting the media on fire by sharing THIS SELFIE and showing that they CAN break the Internet.

Tuesday, 2 February 2016

Now I think we are ALL aware that I am not the person to look to for inspirational posts. Want to be inspired? Look in the goddamn mirror, because you? You are awesome. Genuinely, you rock. Well done on being you.

But yesterday was the 1st of February, and everywhere I went, I saw THIS doing the rounds.

This crap makes me sad. January was a long arsed month, you made it through. We lost some DAMN good people, we cried, we laughed, we got angry at stuff and we probably used some bad words. But we cannot treat January as a "trial month" it happened. Did we make mistakes? Possibly. Did we get things wrong? Maybe.

But let us not deny that it happened.

I think we need to OWN THIS SHIT.

Learn from it, whatever happened in January. Life doesn't give you do-overs. We don't get to start 2016 again, sorry, but we are a month in, we have hit first base. we don't get to deny its existence. We are not Ostriches. This is LIFE.

January wasn't a trial run. where the hell do you go from there? do you treat 2016 as a trial run if it goes tits up? NOPE.

Monday, 1 February 2016

Last week I attended a fabulous event at XS Hair in Leeds where I spent the evening having a Cryotherapy facial, sipping Prosecco and having my hair styled. I PROMISE, i will be going into a lot more detail on the Cryotherapy in the coming weeks as I am going to be going back to have more treatments in the future.

But you know how it goes at events and parties? You mingle, you talk business, you chat to various people who you have never met before, and then you go on your merry way.

Which is fab.

Unless you are me, and then what you ACTUALLY DO is, chat to whom you think must be the boyfriend of a member of staff, (he seemed like a nice guy) go on your merry way and then find out via Facebook that he is actually an actor in a soap.

Look, I don't watch soaps so thats my excuse. Apparently this is NOT the boyfriend of one of the members of staff, this is Michael Parr, who plays Ross Barton in Emmerdale. Personally this means nothing to me. I am still none the wiser.

But when I discussed it with friends afterwards, it seemed like EVERYONE had a story of how they had chatted to a celebrity without knowing who they were until afterwards, so I thought, if I share my story. perhaps you could share yours with me.

Have you chatted to a celebrity before without knowing who they are? Shared drinks with a movie star? Bumped into a singer and only realised afterwards?