So……………….
………………….waiting to hear back on two (bigger) items in my life.

A) whether or not I passed the Canadian Registered Nursing Exam aka the CRNE, which I wrote on October 6 of this year….results were mailed out Monday, so I will likely find out Monday 🙂

B) whether or not Sandy Lu, Literary Agent at the L. Perkins Lit Agency in NY, NY, is going to represent a certain project I have written.

I am patient, and resolve that time will tell, and that quite possibly both items will be relayed to me with positive outcomes.

Still the wait for both items is a little nerve wracking.

Both of them have great ability to influence the rest of my nursing career and my writing career.

Additionally, the anxiety about whether or not I have passed the CRNE has given me the occasional bout of indigestion and (admittedly) a few sleepless nights. What if I have to write it again? What will my boss think of me if I have failed my first attempt? How little of the CRNE did I actually know or not know? I’ve always done well on written exams….but this one, it’s a toughy. I really am really on the fence about how well I did.

Some days, I feel utterly confident and relatively carefree.

Other days, I feel as though there is an element of impending doom on the horizon, waiting to prove that I am a fool among the brilliant people I work with!

Oh woe is me, woe is me —- no news is NOT good news.

I am, for the most part, a patient sort of creature.

I do not throw tantrums when I can’t find the remote (probably because I habitually keep it in the same place), and I like to engage in little word games and create-a-story exercises when I am i.e. waiting in line in grocery stores.

Yet waiting for the outcome of this exam? ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE!!!

I kid you not!!!!

And as for waiting to hear back from Ms. Lu….I’m not too terribly perturbed about that, because while she is reading one of my projects, I have many on the go that I feel have great merit, and many that I have jotted notes for — and not even steeped myself in the process of writing these gems yet — because the timing has not been right to write.

No I have not lost my mind, I’ve found that there’s a bit of timing, focus, wavelength, mindframe/frame-of-mind and setting/surrounding/ambiance that is necessary to write certain tales………they will begin to inspire me more, and begin to actually even “write themselves” when the time is right.

And besides, Ms. Lu is a busy woman in a career where busy people like her may juggle hundreds of projects at a time. If my project hasn’t shone through the slush pile as something worthy of her greatest efforts, then i predict that I will be receiving a polite rejection letter in due time…..

If she likes it, but thinks it needs revising and resubmission, then that is what a semi-rejection-rejection letter will say.

Then there is the ULTIMATE prize for a writer seeking representation by an agent: the letter outlining the next steps to enter into contractual obligation for representation by the agent, or the SUPREME ULTIMATE prize — an actual contract for publication.

There are variations, of course. After careful consideration, she could always suggest that she doesn’t handle these kinds of projects, and refer me to a different agent.

Ah, so many different ways that i could receive news about the project.

Interestingly enough, that anxiety is FAR more pleasant than the whole CRNE self-torment.

*sigh*

Does anyone out there understand?

Then again, i really should count my blessings. Some people are waiting for news with life-or-death outcomes, i.e. the results of an HIV test, or to see how far the cancer has spread through their lymphatic system. Then there are paternity tests (who’s the baby daddy), and all kinds of other life-changing situations.

Perhaps I should not be such a cry baby.

Oh, but wait.

This is the Blog that is supposed to be addressing some of the gains and losses, trials and tribulations, frustrations and successes of the amateur author(ess).

Hopefully, it will be the last round of edits *fingers crossed* as I would like to invest my energies in my horror and paranormal projects that are on the go.

Mind you, I am attempting to balance creative time with studying material for my dayjob *I’m a Nurse, a GN anyway — the results on our RN exam are due in the mail this week!!!* and to be honest with you, i haven’t been spending enough time on either one lately!!! My, how personal interests can distract one!

Being single and looking to mingle has pros and cons, it seems………….my head has been in the clouds the last few days. Meeting some people, communicating with others…

Also, I have been working on reading & commenting on my friend Antony Keith’s first novel/screenplay titled The Rogue Family Chronicles. As I am not accustomed to reading something set up in a script-type format, I find it a little awkward to offer advice. It would be like someone who’s only ever used a PC giving advice to someone proficient in Mac. His story is rich with dialogue, tension, plot and has some delightful surprises along the way! I was expecting something very elementary and simple for a first work, but Antony has written a lot of heart and soul into it, spoken at length in an opinionated voice through his characters, and I am looking forward to reading the rest.

I just wish that I was better equipped to guide him through the scriptwriting/screenwriting/playwriting process. I’m a novel/novella writer with her eye on paperbacks/hardcovers/eBooks and maybe a graphic novel or two if I met the write artist *are you out there???*

Long story short: KEEP YOUR EYES OUT FOR ANTONY KEITH IN THE NEAR FUTURE! HE’S WORKING ON SOMETHING SPECIAL! He also practices very creepy coin magic (and other tricks) but that’s a WHOLE other story….

p.s. – One suggestion to anyone out there who writes dialogue into their stories. DO NOT MAKE THE ERRORS THAT I HAVE MADE USING DIALOGUE TAGS, because trying to fix them later in an 86,000 word manuscript is a pain in the f*cking ass. I kid you not, those kinds of corrections are absolutely tedious, so my advice? Do them properly in the first draft.

“In my own defense.” He began, and then stopped. SHOULD BE: “In my own defense”, he began and then stopped.

AND, whenever possible, DON’T EVEN USE DIALOGUE TAGS!!!! When going through the editing process, my editors find (and I shamefully admit) that I overuse them.

Also, em-dashes are the DEVIL, and consecutive periods such as … are ALSO the DEVIL, as are ellipses.

The comma should be used, not abused.

What I mean by this, is that if you find that you are, oh I don’t know, using a comma a little more than you should, perhaps you may want to consider breaking the long sentence into smaller sentences, like statements, or whatever.

Happy reading (and writing) and my sincere apologies for editing blunders overlooked in previously published works. I know they are there like ink blots on a transcript — an eyesore.

I have three (possibly four) functions to attend for Hallowe’en 2010: a zombie walk on Friday, a bowling party (this is the possible fourth), a house-warming-slash-costume party on Saturday, followed by the actual Halloween activities expected on any given October 31st!!!!!

I will be travelling — weather permitting — to see my dear DEAR friend Kay Kay, whose name you have seen in the dedications of a number of my ebooks. I promised her that wherever she is on Halloween, I will be there to celebrate it with her! Although sadly, my favorite restaurant will not be open on Sunday to serve me my traditional meal of pork medallions Marnier, winter vegetables, stuffed potatoe, and caramel pecan torte with a glass of red wine, but you know what? I will survive. Even if only McDonald’s is open for Angus burgers, I will survive.

Did I mention I love Halloween?

All those near and dear to me KNOW this to be true, as they received their Halloween cards about two weeks ago.

The plastic Jack-o-lantern and ghost have been in my office for about two weeks, along with the window sticky thingies. I was happy to see many psuedo-Pagans at work in the same celebratory spirit!

So……………
………………it’s not just Freakin’ Friday the 13th, which is ALWAYS a good day……
………………and it’s not just my 31st B-Day!……
………………it’s also the day that I am starting a brand new Northern Adventure, moving North of 54 (or is it 55? lol) to begin my nursing career!!!!!!!!!
………………and also the day that I sent the manuscript for “My Experimental Years” to my publisher eXtasy Books, as required by our contract……
……………..furthermore, it is the day that I have made a promise to myself to adjust my eating, exercise, and lifestyle habits for the better.

Day One of my new lifestyle and dieting habits began yesterday….I am currently boiling baby carrots. As with all dieting fads/phases I have gone through, while I am EVER optimistic, I sense that this one too shall pass.

I will not be thwarted!!!! I want ever SOOOO badly to once again fit into my plaid pants from Le Chateau! It would be a God-awful shame if I never got to wear those pants again! I also have a FABULOUS floor length plaid wool skirt….assorted other goodies I discovered while unpacking and repacking my world for the move from Ste. Rose du Lac, MB to my current residence, and from my current residence to my upcoming residence in Northern Manitoba.

Adventure, adventure, I embrace you with enthusiasm, though I know not your name or the entirety of your nature!!!!

So yes, did the Fam-Dam-ily weekend thing, it went incredibly well — saw a lot of old familiar faces, met some new people (distant relatives) and was eventually tormented by polka music…..Don’t get me wrong, it looks like a lot of fun, but the shrieking of the fiddles are like a sawmill to my brains!!!! I have a great deal of difficulty enduring fiddles……they are a migraine waiting to happen.

Had some amazing beat-rolls (beat nicks?) at the Ukrainian themed supper at my grandparents’ 65th Wedding Anniversary, and the tenderest most sinfully perfect perogies you have ever had the opportunity to delight in! My Aunt Sherry’s sweet and sour meatballs were, as usual, perfect (my brother is going to be envious for a while, as they are his favorite and he was not able to attend the festivities), and my Aunt Donna’s pickles were perhaps the best batch she has ever made!!!!

Yesterday we had (phoentically doing this, as I know NOT the Ukrainian spelling) soo-kah-hree where we ate the leftovers, and ended the day with a fabulous boat ride. The younger and more courageous daredevils of our family wakeboarded and tubed behind a boat on Lake Winnipegosis. Exploration of the island we docked at was a must, and I must admit, I was moved by the beauty of the location —- perhaps it will inspire one of my stories in the near future. I am itching to write about a serial killer who moors his victims or something like that…..we shall see….

As for my writing, I have done little to none of it for the past week. Tonight’s writing will take the form of a letter in Deutsch to my dear friend Hauke, and perhaps I will finally make some progress on the Dark Field series that I have created???????

Once again, Happy August!!!!

Sincere regards,

Amanda M. Holt

p.s. my 31st birthday is on Friday the 13th of this month, and is also the day that I am SUPPOSED to be moving to my new residence. HOW COOL IS THAT?????

p.p.s. – haven’t heard back from NCP yet on whether or not they want to publish BOUND: A Post-Apocalyptic Lust Story, my tale of the jungle warrioress Ana, an excerpt of which you can find at http://www.amandamholt.com !!!!!!

So……………………….
………………………….this weekend is a weekend with a family focus, for a couple of reasons.

My sister is home from work/school/summer extracurricular activities.

My father is home from work.

I am home from school, awaiting my Friday the 13th of August moving day to relocate to my job.

My grandparents are celebrating their 65th Wedding Anniversary which promises to be the equivalent of a family reunion!!!!

Also, my mom has agreed to let me adopt her youngest cat, once I am settled in my apartment. I am naming him “Freaky Sinatra” as he has orange tail, orange ears, snow white fur elsewhere, and vivid clear blue eyes. He is also very active — all things considered, he has earned his “Freaky” Moniker attached to the ol’ blue eyes “Sinatra” tip of the hat.

So……………………………….
………………………………….Ellora’s Cave politely declined “Bound: A Post-Apocalyptic Lust Story” (featuring the warrioress Ana in her jungle home and the fertility researcher she encounters) on the grounds that they did not feel it was a good fit for their women’s interracial line of erotica.

I have a very interesting commercial fiction agent reading the first book of my Reaper Series of novels….I DO SO HOPE SHE CHOOSES TO REPRESENT ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Cross your fingers, fans, cross your toes, cross whatever it takes to get the Reaper Series off the ground….There’s so much I want to do with that storyline, a little incentive would be just the thing to give me the peace of mind (that it is a good investment of time and energy at this point in my life/writing career).

ALSO…………………………
……………………………….I have three shifts left of my student Senior Practicum as a BN student, and then — PROVIDED I PASS — I have my BN degree!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY FOR ME!!!!!

It’s been a LONG time coming!!!!!!

Then, there’s the CRNE exam in October, to become a registered nurse, and then if I pass that, I am a genuine freaking RN.

WOWSERS.

How time does fly when you’re having fun and keeping preoccupied.

Until next time, happy reading, and enjoy (what’s left of) the summer.

(we’ve had a great deal of rain here, and thunderstorms scheduled for tonight)

So…………………………………………………
……………………………………………………opportunities are presenting themselvs from a number of locations, but here’s the dilemma:

A. Love my new apartment, but there are limited employment opportunities in this area for GNs/BNs/RNs.
B. The Community Health Nurse Development Program in the NWT has cancelled/postponed applications, due to lack of funding.
C. Feeling a certain degree of restlessness. Wondering if I should push my envelope a little more, exercise my options, take some (small and reasonable) risks.
D. Coming to the conclusion that I would have to be INSANE to think that I could handle the role of charge nurse in an ER environment immediately after graduation.
E. There might (MIGHT) be a possibility (read: possibility) of working as a public health nurse or community health nurse in STI prevention, which is EXACTLY where I want to be in my career path (the only question is, how much experience should one accumulate prior to chasing down one’s dreams with all the fervor of a rabid rabbit???).

Okay, that is multiple dilemmas, and there are more…

…Haven’t done any writing in the last few days, and that is n my conscience. Haven’t done any lengthy studying either, but that is because I don’t want to re-injure my neck so soon after making a full recovery. Studying with my laptop is an option….there’s always WebMD…and Canadian Nursing websites…

Had an EXCELLENT telephone chat with both my biological mother and surrogate mother/mother by proxy….these helped me put things in perspective….

Still, it feels as though the sands beneath my feet are shifting, and I must reposition myself to keep equilibrium, a good sound foot hold on the vast dune whose name is Challenge.

Okay….enough self-absorption for one evening.

Time to shower. It was plus 27 today at one point, and the new place was sweltering!

Lil ol’ me

I'm a published Canadian author of contemporary and paranormal romance and erotica (eBooks thus far!), aspiring to become a household horror icon...There's a lot of writer's anxiety and elbow grease (or rather, risk of developing carpal tunnel) that precedes getting published - and this is my blog all about it!