Posts Tagged ‘Knicks’

Pearl Knick-less. If Woody Allen has his way, it will be as if Earl “The Pearl” Monroe and everything connected to the Knicks never existed.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) — Film Director Woody Allen is returning to New York for his next feature film, a yet untitled work that suggests the New York Knicks never existed in any time or any place.

“As most people know, I love the Knicks as most New Yorkers did at one time,” said the 75 year old filmmaker who has had season tickets since the 1970’s. “But of course those were the Knicks of Reed, Bradley, Frazier, and my personal favorite, Earl Monroe. What we’ve endured the past thirty years is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. Therefore my latest work will depict the organization as having never existed. I just think it’s best for everyone.”

Allen has had high level meetings with NBA Commissioner David Stern on how to strike any mention of the Knicks from all record books and return season tickets to every fan who ever existed. (more…)

First, a shout out to my boys over at the Daily. Taking a shot on an inmate ain’t no simple thing. I mean, anyone who been reading my shit for the past four years knows I got game. Of course if you’ve been reading my shit you’re doing time, unless you’re one of them fucked up cats that subscribe to prison rags – in which case you’re probably some fat, horny chick with a big ole ass hanging out of a thong who likes baking us them cakes that taste like burnt rubber and cotton balls. Big Sid over in Cell Block C, he sucks em down, me, I get one of them nasty ass things and I’m putting it under the pillow of some cat whose head I wanna see over a toilet bowl, puke pouring out like shit from a busted septic tank.

But I got to give the TSD dudes props – not just for giving me a shot, but hey, I’m out in three years and I’ll be looking for a steady gig. I been in five federal pens in the past eight years. The day I’m out first place I go is the Daily home office to thank the fellas and make a couple of calls. I got plans. (more…)

Taking His Act on the Road. Ref Derrick Stafford plays the role of peacemaker with aplomb.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) Veteran NBA referee Derrick Stafford admitted he only got into officiating professional basketball to meet film director and New York Knicks fan, Spike Lee.

“You want the truth? You got the truth, ok?” said the 56 year old Stafford. “I’m an aspiring actor. I’ve done summer stock, and appeared as ‘the guy walking the dog in the background slightly out of focus’ in a 1994 Tampax commercial. I really believe I can impress Spike if he only saw me do my thing. Up until now all he’s seen me do is to make as many calls in the Knicks favor without it looking too suspicious. By the way Spike, I also play jazz trumpet if you’re reading this article and need a little somethin’-somethin’ for your next jazz biopic.”

Star Spangled Jammer. Fusion guitar legend Al Di Meola will lay down his lightning fast version of the National Anthem this Sunday at MSG.

NEW YORK (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) “Just look like you care,” said Anthony Bottaro, a diehard New York Knicks fan from Garden City, New York, echoing a sentiment many Knicks fans are feeling these days.