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May 27, 2011

SEX ADVICE, A MESSAGE TO NEW YORKERS--AND A BIG QUESTION-- FROM VISITING SAILORS: It's Fleet Week!

Image Credit: "Pin-Up" on Photobucket

“Thank you, New York!

“Speaking for the twelve of us assembled here and also for the more than 3,000 members of the Navy, Marines and Coast Guard in town for Fleet Week—thank you for welcoming us in such a big way. We walk down any street and men and women of all ages, races and ethnic backgrounds stop us to say ‘Thank you for serving’ and shake our hands. People buy us drinks, anonymously pick up our tabs, stand and propose toasts—some of us have even been invited to family barbecues held by people we met while buying a ‘slice,’ the way New Yorkers buy pizza to eat on the go.

“We love New York! When people from other parts of the country or the world make negative comments about New Yorkers, we say, ‘You wanna’ take that discussion outside?’

“To New York, the city and its big-hearted people, thank you for your support,”—one of SexyPrime’s sailor readers making the toast at our annual Fleet Week lunch.

The group of naval enlisted men and junior officers who took me out for our third annual Fleet Week lunch included, for the first time, a woman. And the first comment out of her mouth—

“If you think it’s tough for a man to masturbate quietly in a big sardine can, imagine how hard it is for a woman. Vibrators make noise; and fingers are the slooooow go.”

That broke the ice.

The leader of this unofficial “Auntie Sue Fan Club” had meant to focus on bad hook-up stories this year, but, upon reflection, decided they could be summed up with: “Fuck Stranger Drunk, Regret Later”—or as a former JAG lawyer says: “I spent too much time on paternity, child support and alleged sexual assault cases”—and he didn’t hear the guilt stories that I do.

Finally, as Auntie Sue has often advised, Don’t Have Drunk Sex, because your nerve endings are anesthesized; and the only good part will be the exaggerated re-telling. Truly, why bother? Sleep it off and masturbate to the arousal memories in the morning.

Moving along, the discussion turned to the usual concerns of sailors (or soldiers) long away from the women (or men) they love. How do you sustain an erotic connection across thousands of miles? On re-connecting, How do you make good love to your partner when you are so desperately needy that you almost explode on contact? And, How do you handle transgressions, yours and your partners’?

I asked them what they were doing now to inject desire into those communications with their spouses and lovers; and I was surprised and delighted by these two answers—

“I have been following ‘The Diary of an Affair.’ [See category list on right hand side of blog.]The man seduced with words, with his erotic stories. I started crafting my own erotic stories about my fantasies of sex with my woman, which aren’t as good as his—He is a master at long distance seduction—but they are doing the job for her. She says she masturbates to those stories and they make her long for me.”

“I read the science post about aural arousal. That led me to stream Dan Taylor’s Morning Show to hear the ‘ultimate male voice’ as you put it. Great show! I grew up with that music; my parents are Baby Boomers so I cut my teeth on 70s rock. I don’t think the average guy can ever sound like that—and listen, I completely get your crush on him—but I did pick up some techniques for making my voice sound more arousing. When I talk to my wife, I consciously lower my voice and drop it even a little lower on some words the way Taylor does. He projects so much through his voice. I like the way you can hear a chuckle in the back of his throat when he’s dealing with subject matter that has one meaning for adults but yet is safe for kids’ ears. When I have a Skype communication with my family, I try to put that to work. It’s more sophisticated than the double entendre because it is all in the voice. My wife feels like we are having a private moment even with the kids there.”

On the matter of re-connecting, I advised—

If she is so inclined, let her give you a blow job to a (relatively speedy) happy ending. [Babes, see my #1 sex technique, The Basic Black Dress of Blow Jobs.] That takes care of the first quick release. Now you can relax and make love to the lady.

Or, masturbate to ejaculation before you see her.

Then I shared with them D. Ray’s three strategies for maintaining male sexual stamina while away from a partner or otherwise celibate.

“Most men will not use this strategy because they won’t have the patience and discipline to pull it off. It is simple—stop pleasuring yourself. Allow your masculine energy (sex drive) to build up, and then learn to naturally control your body’s sexual energy using a form of meditation or exercise. Tai Chi, Chi Gung, Meditation or Hypnosis works well for this. However, you need to be practicing a form of meditation for at least 30 minutes a day, for 5 days a week. Also, you need to be doing it right, so for something like Tai Chi, you need a good instructor.”

“This second strategy will be easier than the first, yet still requires some patience and attention. Instead of doing nothing, do something for yourself. However, do not finish. Masturbate close to orgasm, and but don’t go over the edge. Continue, and work on pushing your limits further. Try to make it to the brink about 8 times without going over, and then just stop. The beauty of this method is that you are actually practicing and learning about ejaculation control. The problem most men face when jumping back in the sack after a long period of time is realizing where their threshold is. That threshold is a lot closer during sex with a partner than solo activity, and most men fail to recognize this before it’s too late.”

“Finally, this strategy incorporates the second one, but provides a reward for holding back and pushing your limit. Masturbate close to orgasm five to seven times without losing control. On the final time, let yourself go. Strategy 3 can be used as a stepping stone for Strategy 2, so do not get down on yourself if you aren’t perfect the first time (or after several times). You may not know your body enough to recognize your threshold, so slow down and relax.”

Re. guilt and blame: “Don’t ask, don’t tell” was a foolish policy for gays in the military—but it is standard operating procedure for some couples. Before you castigate them for not being “honest,” consider the alternatives. Often we confess to relieve our own guilt--when the confession only brings pain to the lover.

Think before you confess or “share.” Is this something she (or he) really wants to know?

Think before you push for the confession or “sharing.” Is this something you really want to know?

Often an indiscretion, especially of the one-night stand variety, is best kept a secret. I don’t believe in unnecessarily inflicting emotional pain. But we all make our own rules in sex life.

The one female member of the group had the last word: “Being sexually deprived makes me voraciously horny—and my man feels like a god because he can satisfy me so quickly, so many times, so deeply.”