Recently, nature punished us for our fossil fuel burning with hurricane Sandy; ask any science enthusiast, like Meghan McCain. Some people deny global warming exists, but that is foolish. It’s been proven. It is settled science. Globes have been warmed in science labs. And now we’re getting hit with massive hurricanes because… warming. It’s science — you don’t have to understand it, you just have to fear it.

If we continue to pump carbon into the air, we will be hit by frequent hurricanes, flooding of the coasts, and men in white lab coats yelling at us and calling us dumb. It’s a doomsday scenario, but can we realistically stop it? Probably not. I mean, look at how Mike Bloomberg flies around in a private plane and Al Gore sits around in a giant mansion that uses as much electricity as a small town, counting his carbon credit money. These are the people absolutely certain global warming is going to kill us, and they won’t even change their lifestyles to fight it. So how in the world are the many people like me who actively despise the environment going to change their ways? I mean, I once stabbed a tree because I didn’t like its attitude — that’s what I think of nature. So I’m not going to change my light bulbs, recycle, or stop strangling owls in order to help the environment. And if those most concerned and those least concerned about the environment won’t change their ways, then all those predictions of environmental doom are basically a foregone conclusion, and we’re all about to be overrun by angry penguins who shoot lasers from their eyes, or whatever it is scientists say global warming causes.

But that’s not the only problem we face in the future. America has $16 trillion in debt, and that number only keeps rising every year. And we like to feint that we’re going to do something about it, but come on. Are people really ever going to be like, “Oh, I’ve had enough free stuff; you can cut those programs now?” Nope. I mean, we just reelected President Obama. We’re basically accelerating toward that fiscal cliff to see what happens. We’ll just keep paying for Social Security ponzi schemes, Big Bird, and Sandra Fluke’s sexual needs with money we don’t have until the economy collapses in on itself under the weight of its debt like a beached whale. And then the next iPhone will be an Apple sticker on a tin can with a string. Made in China.

And that’s why we need to stop worrying about the future: There is none. We have already destroyed it. The future our children can expect is one where global warming-caused super hurricanes slam them every other day while they’re too broke to even afford a tarp to cover themselves from the rain. And maybe they’ll also get nuked by Iran. That’s why Michelle Obama’s crusade for children’s health is so horrible. If you look at the facts, our children are basically the walking dead — or with the obesity epidemic, the waddling dead — so the least we can do is give them some frickin’ candy.

Also, why do we spend so much time and money educating our kids? The smarter they are, the better they’ll comprehend the doom that awaits them, which is just another cruelty. It’s time to just pat our stupid, obese children on the heads, give them some Twinkies to shove in their fat faces, and send them merrily on their way as they naively wait their imminent doom. And I guess we can take a few pictures of polar bears for them so they’ll know what those looked like before they all drowned (and, frankly, I won’t miss them, because they’re all very mean). And we can also take a picture of a Social Security check, as they’re not going to see that either, but it will be part of what ends them.

Now, some will argue that we shouldn’t give up and need to prepare our kids for the future. Punch those people in the junk and yell at them for not listening to the science and the math. Yes, I know some people don’t believe in global warming and others don’t believe the fiscal cliff is a problem, but everyone tends to believe at least one of the two, so it should be a bipartisan belief that we are completely and utterly doomed and might as well give up. But there is no reason to look at that as a bad thing. If we’ve accepted that our future is already destroyed and that there is nothing we can do to change that, then we’ll forget about trying to save things and live as comfortably as we can for as long as we can. We can now toss out those stupid, expensive CFL bulbs and put in some nice incandescents and tear down all those idiotic wind turbines blighting our views of the countryside. And we can come up with some new inventive ways to spend the money we don’t have, like maybe have the federal government buy everyone a new car. So far, each citizen’s share of the national debt is over $50,000. It seems like we should at least get something fun for that.

And yes, we’ll occasionally be sad when we see our dumb little porkers cramming french fries in their mouths, unaware of the destruction that soon awaits them. But hey, we tried. Well, we didn’t really try that hard, as it really seemed like someone else’s job to solve all that. Like the government. I don’t know who is in charge of them.

So let’s just have fun and wait for the end to come. At least we’ll probably get a few more Star Wars movies before it hits.

Though they probably won’t be any good.

Frank J. Fleming is the author of the novel Superego and the humor book Punch Your Inner Hippie, has penned numerous political humor columns, blogs at IMAO.us, and is a writer for the creative agency Emergent Order.

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1.
still shrugging

Twinkies? I think not. Out of business doncha-know.
While USSA burns, phonies Demoncraps and GOP/Whigs have false arguments about speed of driving off the cliff and no real spending cuts, only cuts in rate of growth while killing off any chance of real growth. We are already over the cliff and out of business.
Wasn’t it George Carlin (I know he is a libertard, even a broken clock is right twice a day) who said think about how stupid the average person is, and now think about that 50% of people are stupider than that average person?
Of course, if Mayans were correct in their calculations…

The word on the street is that the death of the Twinkie is being hailed as a union victory. They held strong. Yeah! Go get those Kulaks guys. Maybe next the teacher’s unions will put all of us greedy property taxpayers out of our homes. Forward! Down with the Kulaks! Down with the Kulaks! Come on now, we can all join in with the mobs of hatred, down with the Kulaks. Today we can no longer buy a twinkie, maybe by years end we won’t be able to buy any food, clothing, gas, oil, electricity. But hey, then we will all have zero carbon footprints after we starve and freeze to death. Down with the Kulaks!

No, it’s WalMart next… left/libtard union folk want WalMart employees to pay for “social justice” with their jobs this time; gonna be a strike on Black Friday for Wally World this time… friggin’ leftards (and the folk who listen to ‘em) never learn. We’ll miss civilization when it’s gone.

I personally think civilization ended in the 1960s radicalization of America. The Reagan Revolution was a small respite that I had at the time hoped was a resurgence of civilization. The election of Bill Clinton disabused me of that, although I then thought civilization was pushing back with the majority House and 8 years of Bush (6 to be honest before the liberal Democrats took over). When Obama took office and the Democrats won it was a sure sign civilization didn’t even have a foothold. The re-election of that idiot has proven to me that civilization is dead, gone, and buried. We have entered a new dark age and I mean that as more than rhetorical. The Nazis and Communists might have lost the wars, but they have won the future.

Best article that has come out of this website. I have had these same thoughts that Mr. Fleming has written in this article for quite some time. We are most definitely doomed. Only God knows the time and date of this calamity. But don’t tell that to Trumka, the six figure income maker of the Teamsters union. He came out stating that the fiscal cliff is a lie. That we are not in a financial crisis.

The real danger to our children, and humanity’s future, is government. So it has always been and so it is likely to always be. Narcissistic sociopaths are drawn to power and power corrupts most of the sane who touch it into such creatures. At the same time, there are those who will sell a vote for for living off other’s paychecks, and plenty of politicians willing to make the trade. That’s not even counting the bureaucrats, who are identical to the politicians only without the charisma.

Until we figure out how to rein in both government and ourselves, this cycle will continue to repeat, even after the power junkies have wrecked the modern world to Roman era technology, if we’re that lucky.

Ding, Dong the Republic is dead. Thanks libs in BOTH parties for wrecking the most perfect union. Get ready for Armaggedon and the riots. Prepare now and stock up. We’ll probably have a totalitarian gov’ment. It always happens when the money runs out. What was will not always be. RIP America. Welcome to Amerika. Land of the brokest, broke libtards evah! But hey Sanda Fluck will get her “free” birth control.

You do realize that there will be no more twinkies, right? The bakers union rejected a last ditch offer and has put 18,500 ppl out of a job as Hostess Foods goes under. Last batch of twinkies was baked friday.

RE: Windmills, they may not be producing power in the future but as long as the blades keep spinning they will continue to slaughter rare and endangered birds such as the American bald eagle providing a regular supply of good quality protein for the starving masses below to roast under bridges.

Well, IIRC, the eggheads back in the day once said that we were heading for an iceage. This, apparently scare people sufficiently to effect “change.” However, IIRC, they also said that we avoided that we halted glabal warming because we had sooooo much pollution in the atmosphere. Sooooo, I see no reason NOT to pollute like all get-up to halt the warming…..

All that aside, I don’t get these warmers. In our KNOWN history we’ve had periods of prosperity during the warming and periods of degradation and death during the cooling.

OH! (slaps head like I need a V-8!) The warmers actually HATE people and have stated that they wish the planets population should only be 5 million. That explains EVERYTHING!!!

CEO: Hey, if you work for me, I’ll pay you $X per year, plus I’ll put $Y per year into your pension fund!

Employees: Hmm, ok, that sounds fair.

(several years down the line)

Employees: Hey, we just took a look at our pension fund. It seems that you’ve “forgotten” to make any deposits into the account like you promised to. And all the money that we deposited ourselves seems to have been eaten up by “accounting fees.” Which appear to have been used to pay for that corporate jet you’re always flying around on.

CEO: Unions are destroying this great company that I build myself with no help from anyone at all!

If Al Gore and his global warming buddies suddenly began trying to live with zero carbon emissions, warming their small cozy homes with solar and wind, if they began using those tiny Chinese cars that reportedly get 200 mpg, if they began to do things like this, I might listen and take them seriously.

When their math, history and science are all dubious, when they fly the most inefficient jets, when they live in huge energy guzzling homes, when they stand to make fortunes if their policies are enacted, it is really hard to see their global warming as anything but a joke. Perhaps it is real, but they aren’t going to convince me.

Speaking as a conservative and a member of Generation Y: Thanks for nothing. With elders like the man who wrote this article, is it any wonder so many kids my age and younger are going left? Conservative elders cave completely in the face of opposition. Liberals, conversely, never give up, and fight tooth-and-nail for our souls.

George Washington managed to hold together a demoralized, starving army against the one of the most powerful empires on Earth. He wasn’t the best military leader, he wasn’t a god, he was just a man who bought as much time as he could and hoped it was enough. He won.

And in 1812, America’s capitol was burned to the ground. Did we wring our hands and say the game was up? No. We rebuilt. Britain could’ve torn everything down again, but they didn’t. Sometimes we get lucky.

Let’s face it, none of us know what the future holds. Pretending you do is stupid. Asserting the apocalypse is just around the corner is suicidal.

People of PJMedia, I’m going to have to be living in the world you built for a long time. Your children will, too. If you don’t fight for them, you may as well be digging their graves. If you are content to do that, then you have failed as a parent.

So buck the heck up. Liberals love it when we give in. Kids aren’t going to vote conservative if conservatives keep saying they have no hope of winning them over.

And that is why the next generation are going liberal. They are too stupid to think for themselves thanks to our Un-Education system, MTV, mindless video games, live action cartoon movies, and biased liberal media.

Good Article. I have just two comments:
1. CFL Bulbs: I hate CFL Bulbs. Frankly, I hate everything associated with the CFL. The field is too long, there aren’t enough downs, half of the team names sound vaguely suggestive (Argonauts, Rough Riders, Blue Bombers, Alouettes).
2. Laser Penguins: If there is even a 1% chance that global warming will give us laser penquins, I am going to drive around all day in my pick-up truck with a pile of leave and tires burning in the back.