This week was, pardon my French, a piece of fucking merde. The news was so bad that we all became bored with bad news. To make matters worse, this week stretched on and on, like that time you spent an hour making out with the young man who your memory would come to know as Halitosis Guy you were 18 and too polite to say anything. There's good news, though — it must have been crap, but it's over now. Let's gif it out.

First, let's get this out of the way: that whole "legitimate rape" thing.

Lance Armstrong isn't going to fight doping claims anymore.

I tried to make a joke about this on Twitter, but someone who is not Lance Armstrong or Lance Armstrong's personal friend got very, very upset. So I will say this about Lance Armstrong: he is a guy who rides bikes sometimes. And Livestrong bracelets are ugly.

The election is still a slapfight

Obama and Romney are still going at it, and Mitt Romney is still so unfunny it almost hurts. Did you hear the one he made today about how no one has ever asked for his birth certificate? Please, tell me more about how being a rich white man is awesome.