Vice Upfront Party Hires Rick Ross And He Becomes Their Boss

Unequivocally, Rick Ross is the Boss. Thou shalt have no other Bosses before him. He is the one Boss to rule them all. And if you think otherwise, well, Rick Ross has no reason to care about mere mortals. He’s a giant, menacing dude so utterly convinced of his grandiosity that you’ve just got to sit back and let him do his thing. Even at the first-annual Vice Upfront party– where he was replacing The Weeknd as the headlining act of this free concert–did Ross not give a fuck about the possibility of other Bosses even existing.

It’s precisely because of Ross’s self-anointed thug austerity that it was a foregone conclusion that he would completely slay at the launch party for Vice.com. Said austerity, compounded with the fact that dude has enough hits to stuff three yachts– multiplied by a room full of hipsters who know all of his lyrics–is almost like cheating. Even the idea of Rick Ross is enough to make people go absolutely nuts. And when you add a real-life Ross to a room full of guests of Vice magazine, you’ve got a recipe for a rapper making the entire audience eat out of his gigantic, tattooed hand.

He played it all. “B.M.F.” “John,” even some of Lil Wayne’s parts. “Hustlin.” His verse on the remix of Waka Flocka’s “O Let’s Do It.” In the pit, it felt like an eternity, but it turned out to only have lasted for ten songs. When you’re Rick Ross, that’s really all the time you need to make your mark, however. Ross just positively Bossed it up the entire time, giving zero fucks for the duration of his performance. The entire audience might have made up one mosh pit, but Rick Ross acted like he expected this to happen, even as he watched a sea of tight-pantsed rap fans punch each other in the kidneys for a chance to be close to the Boss.

If performers can be gauged by how cool they are, Rick Ross is a bucket of dry ice. He is below Kelvin. In the world of Bossness, Rick Ross is cooler than humans could possibly conceive of. America doesn’t need another stimulus package, or tax cuts, or tax hikes, or whatever else the government claims America might need. Mainly, we just need more free Rick Ross concerts.

Oh also, there was free booze for all, a rare set from Death From Above 1979, who still sound like a coked-out dance-punk Black Sabbath, as well as a bunch more stuff.