Chapter Two: Manage

Pg. 17: Good Managers Don't Listen to Gossip

You waited until we were no longer dating to begin instructing me. On the first day you had me walk around to agent’s desks with you. You said, “Do you see what I’m doing?”

I affirmed the fact that I did. You said, “Do that for yourself.”

During those weeks you would stop by the office late at night when the rest of the team members had gone home.

You would explain basics of management to me.

One was, “Good managers don’t listen to gossip.”

17

Page Eighteen: A New Rule

You informed me of a new rule. It was that, “Anything that went wrong in the” satellite “office was my fault even if I did not know about it.”

I complained that this was, “not fair.”

You answered, “tough shit.”

The rule was strictly enforced.

To add insult to injury you acted like you were doing me a favor. With friends like you who needs enemies.

Thanks.

18

Page Nineteen: Rioting Office

Occasionally managers have to announce things that the staff won’t like. One day you asked me to announce something and the entire office started yelling at me. I did exactly what any reasonable young, intelligent, ambitious woman would have done under this circumstance.

I ran away.

Once safely outside I called you. You laughed and said, “I’ll be right there.”

A few weeks later it happened again. I did the same thing.

That time you said, “I already showed you how to handle that."

You continued, "Go back in there or else you don’t have a job!”

19

Page Twenty: Baby Turtles

One night I was innocently getting my car washed and a woman approached me. She asked me if I wanted to buy a watch and I said no. She asked me if I wanted to buy a scarf and I said no. Then she produced two baby turtles. I thought about saying no but one of them blinked at me. I knew that my cat would consider them dinner. Before agreeing to purchase them I called you and asked your permission to keep them in the office. You said, “No F’ing way! You aren’t responsible enough for turtles!”

You considered me responsible enough for management but not for turtles. Obviously, you were confused about the level of responsibility required for turtle care.

Of course I got the turtles. You routinely watered your plants around seven or eight. They were the office plants but you loved them. I left the baby turtles under a palm tree so they could blink at you.

I called you around eight thirty. Without my even addressing the topic you said, “They are very cute. You can keep them. You had better put them in an aquarium first thing tomorrow morning so that they don’t die.”

They made me extremely happy. They lived in the office window and got a lot of attention. A client once told me that, “Turtles bring good luck.”

20

Page Twenty-One: Leadership Rules

Leadership Rule Number One

Ultimately you and I had a mentor-protégée relationship not a romance. We never even attempted a romance. We had a summer fling and sometimes we were each others back up plan. Again, all apologies, but you're vigilante stunt that you pulled six years after the fling makes this necessary. What were you thinking?!! I digress.

Extremely early on you made a rule that I was, “Never allowed to play hot shot like some F’ing idiot ever!”

I like to test rules. I decided to do a little hot shoting. I got away with it once or twice and then you found out. You reprimanded me in private. I waited a few weeks and did it again. Then you reprimanded me in front of the staff. I found that a touch embarrassing but I did not consider it a big deal.

Here is where it gats bad. The office realized that they could get me in trouble for playing hot shot. In the following six weeks they would tell on me for having played hot shot when I had not done so around twice a week. I could tell what they were up to because they looked smug and amused, but I could not do anything to prevent it. You yelled at me relentlessly each time.

About six weeks later, after having been yelled at routinely, I finally explained that I was not actually playing hot shot but the office had figured out how to get me in trouble. I was on the brink of tears while explaining.

You aren't speaking to me now and I would still be afraid to play hot shot.

Leadership Rule Number Two

None of my accomplishments were my own. They belonged to the team. If I tried to take credit you yelled at me. Any mistakes that my colleagues made were my mistakes as much as theirs. You yelled at me for them unless I was proactive about taking responsibility for them. Thanks, ass hole!

21

Pg. 22: How You Caused Me Anxiety and Why

All that is legal is not necessarily ethical. You did a lot of random good deeds. When it came to repeat business you were quite well behaved. Nine times out of ten you were not opportunistic when you thought that you could get away with it. But, there was that other ten percent. Mentor-protégé relationships are extremely well researched. Frequently the parties involved are not alike but balance each other well.

I looked up to you and allowed you to involve me in one or two opportunistic endeavors. You quickly learned that whenever you did this I would call you complaining of anxiety for many days following. And likely take a few days off.

You stopped doing it. You are effective at aligning individuals behind a vision or goal so by Bennis’ standard you are competent at leadership. You certainly apply elements of his style but t isn’t the pure form.

You did not write those rules on leadership yourself, Bennis did. You were effective at realizing that it is exactly the right style for me. The integrity, dedication, openness and creativity were already there. You adjusted two and nurtured the rest.

Thank you for teaching me leadership.

22

Page Twenty-Three: Piles of Problems

You were dead set on helping me out. Just making the aggravating rules wasn’t enough. You began pulling another trick. About twice a week I would find you waiting for me at my desk when I arrived at work, grinning.

Then you would hand me a pile of folders all of which were problematic transactions and inform me verbally of any angry clients or problematic situations. While grinning, you would explain that it was my responsibility to handle them by the end of the day.