Living

It’s a quiet Friday night as I write this, in an unfamiliar living room, my oldest son sleeping on the couch next to me, and the toddler in the master bedroom of the rental apartment that is our ‘home’ for 11 days.

We are on our first family-of-four vacation, in beautiful Australia, in the city my husband grew up in and where my oldest was born.

Our schedules are out of whack. We are mostly out and about, the boys enjoying brisk Spring weather, breathing in fresh air as opposed to the smog enveloping Kuala Lumpur. They are running around parks and beaches, rather than their little corner in our 27th floor apartment. The littlest naps in the car instead of in his crib, and bedtime is out the window. They sleep when they’re tired, and the first day we arrived, it was 10 o’clock. We are not minding this one bit.

We are eating as much of our favorite foods as we like, and yes, that includes ice cream. I am enjoying not having to cook (though I still have to clean and do laundry – sigh). I am loving the opportunity to practice my photography outdoors for a change (can you tell we don’t leave the house much back home?) and really apply all the great lessons my photography mentor Gina Kleinworth shared with me.

Surprisingly, I have not really felt antsy being offline as much as I have been.

It wasn’t planned. My husband relies on having 24/7 Internet access more than I do, simply because that is the nature of his business and work. By extension, I enjoy the the same access. However, we had various connectivity issues from the get go, and we could only manage spotty and short online excursions. I limited mine to Facebook. I did not have any blog posts lined up as usual.

If you know me, you would know this is totally out of character. I am a social media consultant, a blog addict. I tweeted during labor contractions. I blogged immediately after my second was born. I have never only written one post for the week, then set off with no plan in place.

But that’s exactly what I did. The lack of wifi was a blessing. I gave up trying to get any time on the computer or on my phone. Without the pull of the Internet, I didn’t get bored after 20 minutes of playing with my children. I jumped out of bed each morning, eager to get dressed and get out of the apartment, to do something with them. I was fully present all the time, and you know, that is not an easy thing to do. We get distracted so often by every beep on our phones. We are constantly ‘on call’. Something or someone always needs our attention online.

However, the people in our lives need our attention more. I am guilty more than once a day of wanting to get on my laptop than engage with my boys. I have stuck them in front of the TV just so I can get in some emails and Facebook time in the mornings. I have said, “wait”, “hold on”, “I’m coming”, “just a minute”, many, many times.

I am not saying I’ve discovered the secret to parenting perfection (I’ll just say it now – there is no such thing). We know that we should be more ‘there’ for our kids. We all know that time flies, they grow fast, if we blink we miss it. We surely know that our children should be our priority, that too much technology can’t be that good, that we need to make our children feel loved and cherished. We know these things, but we don’t always manage to do all of them.

As my friend Laura wisely pointed out, motherhood is not sainthood. We are not expected to be perfect. We are not even expected to be that good all the time. Some days, just getting through the day with everyone fed is enough. Other days, even if that is not fully accomplished, we don’t need to feel like we have failed. Some days, we just need to live, whatever that may mean to you. It may mean being fully present with your children all day, all the time. It may mean getting some alone time because that is how you recharge and the only way to not lose your shit. It may mean having your Internet taken away just so you can appreciate that there are things outside of it that needs your attention. It may be simple things like sitting on the couch late at night, with your child sleeping peacefully by your side.

Related Posts

Alison Lee is a former PR and marketing professional turned work-at-home mother. After a 10-year career in various PR agencies, and of the world’s biggest sports brands, Alison traded in product launches and world travel, for sippy cups, diapers, and breastfeeding. Alison's writing has been featured on Mamalode, On Parenting at The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, Everyday Family, Scary Mommy, and DrGreene.com. She is one of 35 essayists in the anthology, My Other Ex: Women’s True Stories of Leaving and Losing Friends. In 2012, she founded Little Love Media, a social media consultancy specializing in blog book tours, and because she doesn’t sleep, is an editor at BonBon Break, an online magazine. Alison lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with her husband and four children (two boys and boy/ girl twins).

I’m so glad your unexpected unpluggedness (is that a word?) allowed you to be fully present with your family! As I was reading this, I was nodding my head in agreement. I can’t tell you how many times I sit my girls down to breakfast and then walk into my office so I can fire off emails. I sound like a broken record telling my oldest I’ll be just another minute. All she really wants is for me to sit down and talk to her while she eats her Cheerios. Thanks for the reminder that emails and FB messages and blog comments can wait. She needs my attention now, not in just a minute. Enjoy the rest of your vacation!Nicole recently wrote…Links for Runners, Fanatics and Other Amazing People

It’s a rough reminder for us, because you know what? We do our best daily. But sometimes, we just need to give it an extra push. Being unplugged ‘forced’ me into that position, and thankfully, it was joyous and rewarding.

I know exactly what you mean. We went away for a weekend and even though there was WiFi I was not even interested… too much to do and see and the kids enjoyed the time with us as well. I actually find that now, that my kids are older, they need me more. They want to spend time together without distractions, more than they did when they were little.
I have to admit that after times like that I am glad to get back to my routine and back online. Having the daily routine just makes those offline times even more special. That’s how I like it 🙂
I hope you have a great rest of your vacation! xoxoKerstin recently wrote…High Note

I found this when we were on vacation too. I thought a lot about why that was and what about it was different than being at home. Why can’t we continue this being present when we get home again? I think it’s because we get back into our normal routine, and that routine is that we’re bored. Or at least that’s the reason for me.

I know what it is for me – it’s the pull of the Internet, and the fact that it’s hard to feel stimulated for a long time when indoors most of the time. And taking the kids out here requires far more energy than I can summon. On vacation, there were two of us. Normally, it’s just me and the kids.

When we went away this summer, I had spotty internet and a rapidly draining cell phone battery. (I still haven’t figured that one out.) I had a hard time even using my phone to take photos, so I left it in my pocket most of the time. It was amazing how easy it was not to reach for it, whereas when I am home, my phone is always with me.
Enjoy your vacation – it looks so lovely there!Kim recently wrote…15 Reasons

I’m so glad that you have had this chance to take a vacation and had some time to unplug. I found many of the same things from our time away. Schedules and routines were very very loose. We ate a lot of ice cream. We just tried to focus on having fun and enjoying our time away. While I missed writing, I didn’t miss all the other stuff, you know? It was kind of freeing not to feel obligated to do x, y or z or to have work/blog/life expectations during that time. Like Robin, I’ve been wondering why it’s so hard to keep these feelings and to be present once we return home. Even the day or two before we left, I could feel the anxiety and stress start to rise as I thought about the gazillion things that we needed to do when we returned home. Enjoy your vacation.Christine recently wrote…16 Things I Learned on Summer Vacation (+ pictures)

I did enjoy it, thank you! It’s day one of being back to normal routine – school, work, blogging. In a way, it feels good (especially now that I’ve got on top of the mountain of laundry), though I do miss Australia and just doing whatever we liked, no schedules.

When we moved from Texas to Cali this summer, we had our days of being ‘unplugged’ too, loved them!! I agree with what you have to say on just being there for the kids, not necessarily educating or entertaining them, but just being there! Good luck with everything in Australia!MomWithaDot recently wrote…The Math &…..A Giveaway !!

I had the same thing when we took our family vacation last month, but the memories that I made with my kids was totally worth it all. It was our first real family vacation, and they will, I think, cherish those memories as much as I will. I am a new follower from SITS!Stacey recently wrote…This Momma’s Meandering Mondays 11 & An Awesome Giveaway!

Good for you Alison!
I like that you are stepping back and making memories. That’s what’s important in not only their lives, but ours as well. I mean, if you don’t live it, how can you write about that time when you saw that man’s man boobs at the beach?
Oh you didn’t.
Well then.
Chew the cord to the internet for a little while. Enjoy those gorgeous babes of yours.Kimberly recently wrote…War On All Of The Things

I love the photo of the two boys! And yes sometimes it is great to be unplugged I am so guilty of saying “just in a minute.” Have a wonderful time in Australia and can’t wait to hear more about it! One of my mom close mom friends is originally from there, and they go back quite often.Natalie recently wrote…The Beach Days

I admire your honesty. Very few will ever say they’ve been online too much. The reflection back from the mirror can be one many don’t want to see. xo Happy for your time away: my favorite thing about vacation is not going somewhere, it’s getting to be with my favorite people, and getting them all to myself for days at a time. I love that.

I am so astonishingly guilty of “Just a minute!” I shudder to think about it but I’ll probably do it later today. I love unplugging times. When I’m in them, I don’t even really think about social media. When I’m home, it’s pretty much 24/7.Tamara recently wrote…Ask Away Friday with Brittnei from HomeMaking with Style.

Great post! I LOVE this “. . .motherhood is not sainthood.” It needs to be on a t-shirt! LOL! But seriously I can totally relate to this post. We went on vacation last week and I was “offline” for SEVEN entire days. The only thing I did was post a picture or two on Instagram. But not one blog post, Facebook or tweet. Initially I was terrified because I felt like people online would “forget about me”. But being with my husband and my kids, spending quality time with them was AWESOME! I am truly lucky to have such an amazing family & they are the only people who REALLY matter. I love the online connections I’ve made but sometimes stepping back and re-prioritizing is crucial. Hope you’re enjoying your stay down under! 😉Tracie recently wrote…One Still At Home

A well-deserved trip! I can relate to “unplugging”, especially since I’ve been doing more of it the past few months. I felt like I went cold-turkey on one particular weekend, and I was itching to turn on my push notifications on the iPhone! I turned off the thing, put it in my dresser, and went 24 hours without it (with much struggling). After that, I knew it was for my own good! (OK, sounds like a blog post…)

Enjoy your time away. I love Perth. We went there first when I was 15, and I remember enjoying the countryside immensely — perfect interlude from the Singapore heat! Take loads of pics, and create loads more memories.Martine recently wrote…Happy Place – Build City

Enjoy the remainder of your trip, Alison. I so loved reading this post, since “unplugging” has been on my mind lately. As has balance. It sounds like you’ve turned the unexpected frustration of not having WiFi access into an opportunity for a little reflection and learning. Personally, I love when that happens in my life and I wish it happened more often (instead of me just getting grouchy about the frustration!)Shana Norris recently wrote…10 Weekly Goals

I am so happy you are enjoying a different kinda happy. Whenever I feel bad about checking my emails during the day I remind myself that it is a privilege of modern age that I can spend all day with my son and work. My mom would have dropped me off at childcare for 8 hrs to have the same amount done when I was little.Stasha recently wrote…Monday Listicles

I love it when there is no internet. Sounds odd, but it is so much easier to enjoy what is around you without having the constant pull of wanting to be online.Catherine recently wrote…I went from a stay-at-home-mom to retired

Well YES! I was nodding my head along with this the entire read! Everything you said is so right on. My schedule was completely disrupted today by two sick boys. I was feeling very frustrated about not having my Monday schedule and then…a funny thing happened. Do you know how much laundry, cooking, blogging and facebooking you can do when you’re not “on schedule?” I just found out!Allie recently wrote…WHAT DO YOU DO WITH…

I have slowed down my online presence considerably since moving. Part of it was planned, I knew I needed to make other things a priority my first few months here. Part of it is the spotty wireless on the island where I live! And you know what? It’s all good. The unplugging, the plugging back in, the in between, and it sounds like it’s been good for you too. I am dying to get to Australia. I hope you have a wonderful time – loving the photos!

I find it somewhat ironic that I read this on my phone, but at least it is in the middle of a training and not in Middle of kid time. Putting down and turning off is something I need to do more of. This is a good reminder.Jennifer recently wrote…How to Paint a Room – Basic Instructions and Tips

Honestly, I love internet-free times. I’ve heard of dieters referring to a “cheat day” once a week…I wonder what would happen if all of us (myself included) took a “free day” once per week completely away from social media. (Admittedly, I’m the last who should be suggesting this with my miserable social media track record.)

It looks like you and your boys are truly enjoying vacation. I hope it stays relaxing for you!Leslie recently wrote…It’s Definitely Monday

They grow up whether you are “there” or not – so we need to be aware of the choices we make…. I choose to be there. But that sometimes means “MY” time ends up being in the wee hours of the morning. Or it means just unplugging and not feeling a tiny bit guilty! Enjoy your time!Leah recently wrote…Lighthouses and Quote of the Week

I try to unplug on purpose a few times a month. I’ve found that the best policy, for me, is to not use my phone or the computer at home Monday through Thursday until after the kids are in bed. We’re apart all day with them at school and me at work that I want to really hear them when they tell me about their day and I know that personally, that’s not happening for me when I’m thinking about Twitter or even Words with Friends. I will admit a time when I would become so enraged at a lack of wifi. Now? It’s whatever. I’ll get to it when I get to it (this is, of course, different, if I’m actually working and my kids aren’t around. Not to imply, of course, that they need to be entertained every second).

Ooh I love this. I wish Australia was close enough for me to take my kids for a vacation! (Someday…). The few times that I’ve let myself unplug have been amazing. It’s not for every day but every so often it is so important.Tricia recently wrote…The kind of mama I want to be

One single element of our complicated selves should never dominate ALL of the others to the point of total exclusion. Some days, we focus more on one than the other. And then, hopefully, we shift, grown, learn, refocus on another. Balance restores itself. We are refreshed.

This is fabulous. I sometimes dream of power outages in my house- isn’t that crazy? I almost need it to be an act of God to be okay with unplugging. Enjoy the heck outta your trip!!Keely recently wrote…Back To School Isn’t All Fun And Games.

Last year when we went on vacation I was panicked about being away from the blog for nearly 2 weeks, so I worked hard to fill the space with guest posts and my own posts and it was stressful and not worth it at all. One of the things I love about vacation is you tend to forget everything else.Julia recently wrote…Everything Special To Me

Writing is my biggest tormentor. I wan to be 100% there for my kids, yet I am constantly pulled away by my phone or laptop to write, and read. I think this vacation is great for you and the family, and a way to really enjoy time with one another. It’s interesting how not having a wifi connection change our perspective.KalleyC recently wrote…9/11 Never Forget

This makes me smile. I am guilty too, glued to my phone or to my laptop. Sometimes it feels like there is so much pressure to be everywhere all the time. I think the universe knew you needed a little down time. It actually sounds pretty wonderful.Stevie recently wrote…Don’t Mind If I Drool: The Story of a Rescue Dog Part Two

Those words, “hold on-just a minute” are ones I have spoken to my kids for years. Now I find that I need to be deliberate about putting my phone and computer to the side and asking them to do the same so we can have a real conversation.

Your trip sounds like it was an inspiration to you (the photos of your precious children are lovely, btw) and reading about it has inspired me, too. thank you
Over from SITS!Grownandflown recently wrote…10 Changes in Parenting in 10 Years

I'm Alison. Writer, a mother of four (two boys and boy/ girl twins), social media enthusiast and book lover. A believer in the power of chocolate and hugs. Chugging coffee as I type. Want to know more?