For those of you not aware, there is a much-needed twitter account, @goddamndora. I think this person read all parent’s minds who have had to endure Dora or other annoying characters on TV. (Caillou anyone?) I have been resistant from the start about Dora. Who is this chica and why do her parents let her go “exploring” with just a backpack, a monkey with ugly red boots, who has to worry about a creepy fox that steals sh*t? I do not like the fact that she speaks Spanglish, “Hola Amigos! I’m Dora and this is Boots. Mira, it’s Swiper the fox.” I have never been a fan of those, either speak one language or the other, but not both! (Ok, Handy Manny, Diego, and Ni Hao, Kai-Lan? It is sooo annoying!) On a sidenote, I have learned that Nick Jr on demand has episodes of Dora that are purely in Spanish, so I now download those and have them watch that instead. Ok, continuing…

Even though I have been hesitant to letting my kids watch Dora, the minute my little girl mouthed the word, “Do-ra,” when she saw her in the store and the way her eyes lit up, was the minute my heart melted and I thought I would give this chick a chance. Now we are on Dora overload: Dora shoes, Dora pinatas, Dora shirts, Dora coloring books, OH MY FREAKING GOD, what have I done? Now I can’t get rid of Dora even if I tried, I think my 2 yr old daughter would pimp slap me and say, “Momma, you see those crayons over there? Yes, those. You want me to make a mural out of that wall? Yeah… I didn’t think so..” I’m serious, everyone thinks my girl is the sweetest and cutest in the world, but when no one is around, let me tell you, she turns into a diva! So basically, Dora is in our lives forever. Also, I guess Dora isn’t as bad as I thought because my son somehow repeats things that have been said during an episode or remembers the lesson the show was teaching. It still boggles my mind though how he does learn anything, I mean trying to get their attention when they are watching their boob tube program is beyond ridiculous. A freaking freight train that catches on fire that is carrying fireworks could go through my living room right next to my kids and it wouldn’t even faze them. “Hello? kids? Look at Mommy. Hello………? Do you hear me? I’m talking to you! Turn around… Hey!…You want a cookie?….What, still nothing?…How about some crack?….Hello Hello Hello??!” Geez,Louise so frustrating. The trick is to just turn off the TV, and then it is Bam, “Mommy, turn it back on!…. I want to watch Dora!…No it is not over!….I don’t want to go outside!…I’m not hungry!…. Why did you do that , Mommy?” Ummmm, to make sure you weren’t trapped in your body? Ok? I know as a parent of two tots, I am not alone in my annoyances with these TV characters. Someone out there in this sea of barf inducing kid TV programs, is an angel in disguise, and her name is @goddamndora. That is my time-out for today and actually everyday when I need a break from all this and need a laugh or two, or three. It is for my own sanity, because just when I think I am going to go crazy and be taken away in a white suit by 3 large nurses if I hear just one more time, “Swiping, no swiping, swiping, no swiping! Seriously, shut the F up!,” I can check my twitter to see what this Dora is tweeting today….

Like: “First, we go through the rainforest. Next, we have to cross Crocodile Lake. And that’s how I get to school every goddamn morning.”

Or…. “I’ll never find it now? Seriously? All you did was throw it over that fucking bush! Dick.”

Awww, I love you @goddammndora, you might need therapy, but don’t we all?