When Derek Jeter finally retires from being forced to like Alex Rodriguez at the end of this baseball season, there will be a lot of questions surrounding his next move, including which girl he’s going to have a lot of sex with. That means it’s time for Minka Kelly to get back to the gym and get back into game shape, because she’s in a perfect position to be there for her man once again and maybe even convince him to finally settle down. That would be huge for her, since her latest show that nobody watches is probably going to be canceled, but also because Jeter is wealthy and famous enough to keep sleeping with 20-somethings long into his 90s. But we’re pulling for Minka, mainly because she’s not getting any younger and no woman should have to go running back to Wilmer Valderrama.

I don’t know if Minka Kelly is a neo-Nazi or if she has horrendous IBS and shits her pants every six seconds or if she’s simply the worst human being on the face of the planet, but the fact that she isn’t a bigger actress than she is simply astounds me. Jessica Alba is one of the worst actresses in the history of mankind and she’s still considered an A-lister because she has an incredible body, and I’d take Minka over five Jessica Albas. Maybe one day we’ll find out that Minka pricks all of her co-stars with AIDS needles, but in the meantime, these photos of her wearing her workout clothes while dropping off her dog at the groomer will serve as a reminder that she is vastly underappreciated.

It seems like every celebrity sex tape always has at least one major problem. Either it’s a celebrity you never actually wanted to see have sex, or the footage shakes around like they’re being chased by the Cloverfield monster, or there’s some weird filter as if I’m hunting the girl in the dark like Predator.

Minka Kelly is prepared to take care of all of that.

Minka Kelly is the latest in a long line of actresses to star in a sex tape that is now being peddled to the highest bidder
The tape is shot in a semi-professional manner. The camera is secured by a tripod and hooked up to a TV monitor, so both Minka and the BF can watch the action they create. Minka is very aware of the camera.

The only issue is that the tape might have been made when she was still 17. And by “only issue” I mean as far as it being released. I’m fine with her being 17, because Minka and I have much more progressive views about sexuality, like they do in Europe.

The NY Daily News says that Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderamma were seemingly together Saturday night at Beachers Madhouse in Hollywood, with a friend of his adding that the two are “getting to know each other”. Which doesn’t even sound ridiculous now that Elisabetta Canalis and Steve-O are dating. Also Kate Upton is dating Michael Cera now, and Megan Fox is fucking Luis Guzman on the side. Probably.