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Monday, January 17, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

Bakers, are you running low on flotsam? Is your curling ribbon on back order? Are you fresh out of teddy bears?

Well, never fear! There are plenty of handy flotsam stand-ins lying around even the most basic of kitchens to save you from actually decoratingany of your cakes! Just check out these double-duty doers:

What wrecks! I am glad I have never been given a cake with a dog bone on it, that would just re-affirm all my dog's hopes and dreams that the cake is really for him! What were they thinking? It looks like it has a wig on it. And the soccer ball cake.. how is that even on there? Did they have a plastic cover big enough for that? It's pretty epic I must say..

What has to be going through one's head to place a soccer ball on top of a cake??? (Oddly I feel I might be able to deduce an answer to this... as opposed to the bone cake which defies any explanation)

Do these people understand the meaning of the term "food-safe"? A soccer ball, no matter how well washed, is not food-safe. And a do-dad from the dollar store probably contains lots of potentially toxic substances. What are these people thinking? Oh, sorry, they aren't thinking.

At first glance I thought the paddle was a spoonrest! (which makes even less sense unless it was a housewarming cake.) Love how they wrapped the string around the handle. did they glue the ball to the end with icing? they shoud have used it to "fill" the "negative space."

Meanwhile, I'm a little concerned about that bone. It looks like it's been freshly torn from someone (minus the skin and overlooking the shiny plastic--but lots of gushing blood. is that what RED SPRINKLE SUGAR is for?? Is it a splatter pattern?)

Is this a halloween cake? is it a firecracker? Is it a confectionary Mafia Message Cake? (as opposed to a fish wrapped in paper?)

yikes...

on second thought....do you have a collection of cakes that could be Mafia Message Cakes? That might be a fun post...

In defense of the bone cake, when I was little my mom would always bake a cake for our dog's birthday (yes, we celebrated her birthday) and we would stick a bone in it for her to pull out. Of course the bone was sticking out of the side, and the piece of cake that the bone was in was the dog's piece. It was never just laying on top of the cake. And we never ate any cake that had actually touched the bone, or got anywhere near dog slobber.

I don't think the cup is the only thing made of styrofoam in the first wreck. If you think about it, that would save *tons* of time and effort! A no-bake 'cake' -- Sandra Lee would be proud!

#2 I guess we know where this one originated, ;-) but I'm sure it was the customer's idea. A paddleball? Really?

#3 Remember separate cakes and gifts? Remember wrapping said gifts? That's *so* 2010, and there's all that paper clogging our landfills. This is so much greener -- like the top of that cake (and the guests, one may presume). Is that real grass? Or real 'grass'.

#4 They missed a few spots -- there is still some cookie visible. Obviously a first effort by a graduate of the Sandra Lee School of Wreck-creation (may it never be so).

The last one could actually be a dog cake -- that's the only explanation I'd accept, anyway. I'm not sure what sort of 'frosting' would be dog-safe, but 'safety' doesn't seem to be today's theme, anyway.

Public health inspectors: on your mark, get set, go! (I suspect that would be the most effective strategy to preventing such cakes. Since customers seem willing to keep paying for these wreckastrophes).

#1 I don't know what they were thinking-- the airbrushing and design concept were actually pretty. Way to ruin it!

#2 spoon rest/paddle with string and a glop of icing. Yeah, that makes sense.

@3 maybe the ball is resting on something, and not directly on the cake? There seems to be a gap at the bottom. And that would explain how the cake's not squished. And the decoration of the cake's actually very neatly done, so this may be the person who ordered it's fault?

The bone in that bone cake is a Nylabone. I've been buying them for my dogs for years. They can be sanitized in the dishwasher; however, they are infused with a flavor (the original is ham bone flavored) which would probably not go well with chocolate, yellow OR white cake. It seems odd to use them as flotsam; they're not cheap (I believe that is "wolf-sized," which is about $8.99 at PetCo).

If you're really running out of decorating ideas fast enough that you end up just sticking a bunch of junk on the cake, you don't need to be decorating anything edible in the first place. I mean really, dog bones and soccer balls? Is that really necessary? And the paddle ball. What, did they run out of plastic flotsam? This is much worse in my opinion.

based solely on the title today, I was half waiting to see a cake topped with cheese somehow.. I'm not sure if I'm more pleased, or more disappointed that there wasn't one.... but now I will be trying to figure out what type of cheese goes best with basic cake flavors for the rest of the day...

Sheesh I think they put just about anything on cakes that isn't nailed down to the floor. I won't be the least bit shocked if a toilet somehow managed to be a decoration on one sometime lol. Oh please don't find a pic of one.. I will have to hide.

@Aliza: Yes, it's the Sandra Lee School of Wreck-creation. She has a portable classroom -- in a wreckcreational vehicle, of course.

I was incredulous at the concept of handing over a Franklin for a soccer ball, until @Kathleen pointed out that it is the FIFA World Cup 2010 soccer ball. So it's a soccer ball that no one in their right mind would actually use in a game for fear of messing it up. Now it makes sense!

I told myself, "Self, if you ever want to present a collector's item to someone, you can't go wrong by turning it into a cake topper. First edition books, Cake Wrecks calendars, you name it -- into the frosting!"

Maybe the customer walked into their local wreckery with that ball and uttered the timeless phrase, "I would like this on a cake."

The rest is history. (So was the wreckerator, for contaminating the collector's edition soccer ball with frosting.)

I'm really worried about this post. It makes me want to root through any cake I want to buy with a pitchfork to make sure nothing like... this is hidden in my yummy supposedly-innocent pastry! I mean one moment I could have cake in my mouth, the next, plastic dog bone! Blech!!! Not Q-ool!-B

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What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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