1. Emotional reactance.

Reactance is basically an emotional state that people feel when they think that somebody else has an ulterior motive and they are trying to force you into whatever that outcome might be.

Often, people’s exes have this state of reactance towards them because they think that their ex wants to get back together.

Your ex might fear that when you contact them, when you interact with them, when you’re talking with them, when you’re inviting them out to do things, it’s because you have the hidden agenda of getting back together with them.

If your ex thinks that’s what you want and where you’re trying to steer them, then they are going to distance themselves and pull away from you.

You might be thinking, “Well, I DO want my ex back. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to hide my desire or agenda?”

And my answer is no. You’re not supposed to do that.

What I’d rather you do is simply acknowledge the fact that you don’t necessarily want JUST any relationship. You don’t want to JUST “get back together” with your ex.

What you really want is to have a real, deep connection with this person in your life, right?

You want to have a connection with this person regardless of whether that takes the form of a romantic relationship or not. You want to feel connected with them. You don’t want just a relationship.

I want a relationship where I can feel connected with somebody else. There are lots of people out there who have a romantic relationship but hate that relationship, right?

That’s because they don’t have the connection. They don’t have any of the other things that they want in a relationship.

Go through the things that you want and trust that once you have that connection again, the relationship will come about organically.

That’s probably how things happened when the two of you first got together. It wasn’t like you said, “Let’s have a relationship” right away.

No.

Instead, you say, “Hey, let’s get to know each other.”

You talk and think, “hey, it seems like you and I have a lot in common. Do you want to get together for coffee, maybe we can talk some more, maybe get together for drink afterwards?”

And then… “you’re really cool, let’s go out on a second date. I know this great restaurant over here.”

And eventually, it was like, “You know, we have a lot in common. We have a lot of common values. So let’s go ahead and be in a relationship.”

That’s probably how you started dating originally. It happened because of the connection.

Go for the emotional connection with your ex and then the relationship will organically grow.

So that brings us back to this whole thing about the hidden agenda.

Because your ex might suspect that you have a hidden agenda, they might think that you want to use them as a means to an end— to get a relationship, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a commitment or something like that.

They might think that you are using them as a stepping-stone to get that thing. And they may feel as if you’re trying to steer them in this direction that they may not be emotionally ready to go.

That’s why you have to be mindful of reactance.

If you are contacting your ex and they are not responding to you, it could very well be because of that reactance.

Often why your ex isn’t responding has nothing to do with you whatsoever but it has EVERYTHING to do with what’s going on in their life.

Maybe they are busy with school, work or a hobby and they just don’t have the time to really respond to your messages.

Right now, maybe they don’t have the emotional and mental capacity or the physical time to respond to you.

Just recently we had a question from somebody whose ex wasn’t responding to her. It was because her ex was rehearsing for a play. He’s sitting there memorizing his lines and he doesn’t have really the emotional space or capacity to respond to her text messages. Your ex could simply have something else going on in their life.

Another common thing is when people’s exes go on vacation and they’re like, “Well, my ex stopped responding to my texts because he’s off sailing through the Greek islands (or somewhere).”

When you’re on vacation you’re not in the same head space that you are back at home. You’re thinking, “Oh, this is great. This is beautiful. I want to see this famous thing. I want to go this place.” And there can be time differences and all that travel-related stuff.

There might be something going on in your exe’s life that is pulling their attention away from you. That could be one of the reasons why your ex won’t respond to your texts.

3. The way you approached them.

The third reason your ex may not respond to you is the way that you contacted them.

About Clay Andrews

If you are an action-taker who wants to get your ex back, Clay and Mika will show you everything you need to know to have a deeper and more profound connection with your ex, so that you both can have a second shot at lasting love (even if your situation feels hopeless). Find out more here now.

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