Pain was like an addiction to Cloud now. A vibrant, searing proof that he was alive. Still breathing when he should have been dead. Still here, locked away in a vicious reality. He should be dead. He prayed for death. But Zack...Zack wouldn't let him go..

Author's Notes: Unless scenes of
experimentaion squicks you... you should be fine.

Disclaimer:
I do not own Final Fantasy, nor its characters. I am not getting paid
for this. This is purely for fun… recalls story …I think.

Zack lay bathed
in a void of barren darkness, bereft of everything that made him who
he was. He had no identity, no purpose. No life. Still, he could feel
his limp, heavy body as a manacle. Keeping him chained to the earth
below. But that too was beginning to fade, the chain's links
rusting and cracking slowly, inexorably, and he knew he was slipping
away. No! He needed to stay, needed… what?

He didn't know.
The weakest link snapped, severing all connection to the world of
life, and the stillness of the void grew sharp, hungry. Zack faded,
his spirit dispersing to become a whisper in the Life stream.

And
then, a single, pulsing beat rippled through the void. A breath of
air. Of life. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep him
drifting in the void between life and death, enough to give him back
his identity, his name. Zack. Over time, he nursed the thin trickle
of life that coiled through his mortal body, and as it grew, pieces
of himself flickered through the void. Anger, fear. Bright blue eyes.
Pain. And something else… there was something…

Cloud. With
the name came a rushing torrent of strength and determination. And
life. It surged through his mortal body and up the link to this
place, repairing and rebuilding that which had been broken, bringing
light into this place of darkness. And then the darkness was gone.

A
cold, dirty light was glaring down upon him. Zack blinked. The
ceiling. He was back in his cell. Zack groaned, closing his eyes
against the glare of the dim light. Pain, exhaustion, emptiness- they
assaulted him, overwhelming him after so long in the empty peace of
death. He swallowed thickly, his throat dry and raw. Where was…
Cloud?!

With a wrenching effort, Zack dragged his protesting
body into a sitting position and looked around the cell. Cloud lay in
a crumpled heap just inches away. Zack's arms were heavy and limp
as he reached out, but he managed to pull the smaller man toward him,
cradling his head in his lap. "Cloud?" He whispered brokenly. He
placed his hand against those slack lips. Cloud was breathing, his
shallow breaths few and far between. Zack just sat there hour after
hour, tenderly caressing that beloved face and whispering Cloud's
name again and again.

Cloud was floating. His
body abandoned. He was dead. So why was he still here, trapped in
this cursed cell? And then he felt it. Sephiroth. Somewhere, deep in
the core of his being, the alien matter still thrived and it was
keeping him attached to his body even though he was no longer in it.
Whatever Shinra's scientists had done had merged them too closely.
They were connected, which meant that somewhere deep inside himself,
he was still alive. He could find a way to return. Only, he didn't
want to. The pain and suffering he would have to endure upon
awakening would overwhelm him. Zack was wrong. It would never end,
and Cloud had no desire to go back to a life of never-ending pain.

Zack. The name coursed through him like a warm breeze. How
could he leave him alone in this terrible place? But he couldn't go
back. Being locked away… The brutal experiments… What if
Sephiroth returned? What if they were all destroyed by his hatred and
malice? It was too big a risk. And it was too much for him to bear.
Zack would have to understand.

As if waiting for him to make a
choice, a great pain washed over him in ripples. His spirit was being
rent from his body, his lifeline severed, perhaps to final death,
perhaps to allow Sephiroth to revive to complete control. Whatever
was to happen, Cloud felt his mortal body seize up, his breathing
cease, his heartbeat flutter to a stop. He was being crushed.
Squeezed out of existence. He would return to the Life stream and it
would be over at last. Cloud closed his eyes and welcomed the brutal
force that would finally end his suffering.

"Cloud!"
Zack screamed, heedless of the pain that ripped through his torn and
swollen throat. His hands clenched and grasped at the too still body
in his arms. "Don't you die on me!"

Pressing a frantic,
desperate kiss to Cloud's cold, unresponsive lips, Zack reached
inside him and fumbled for the ever-present link between them to give
Cloud something, anything to hold onto. But it was broken, shriveled
and snapped by the anger and the hatred he'd forced into it. "No!"
A gut wrenching cry. "You can't die, damn it! I love you, you
hear me? I love you, Cloud! So don't die on me!" Scrambling to
his knees, Zack lay Cloud's head on the cold stone floor. Blood
filled his mouth with its hot salt as he bit clean through his lip,
but he didn't notice, didn't care. He pressed his lips to
Cloud's, his blood hot and slick between them, and blew his own
breath into Cloud's mouth, willing that chest to rise and fall of
its own accord.

The Life stream welled up in
Cloud's vision. It was so close. It was finally time for him to go.
He was drifting his way towards peace. And then, he stopped. Cloud
looked around in confusion. What had happened? The Life stream was
right there! Why wasn't he moving toward it? He stretched out his
incorporeal hand and hit a solid wall. He pounded a fist against the
transparent block. "No!" Why couldn't he get through? He
punched the wall again. "Let me in!" He cried. "Please!"
An aching sadness filled him. He was locked out. Would he never find
peace? "Why?" He sobbed. "Why won't you let me in?"
The wall shimmered to life, filling with the colors of a distant
reflection. Zack crying brokenly over his lifeless form. Zack's words
rippled over the image with a hollow, echoey sound. I love you,
Cloud.

Cloud clenched his teeth together. Zack had built this
wall. Forged it with his love and his desperate pleas. It was strong
and Cloud knew that there was not a force in existence that could
penetrate it. He would never reach the Life stream. "Damn you,
Zack." Cloud whispered. Taking a deep breath, he laid his palm
against the image and closed his eyes...

Damn
you, Zack. The words were felt, not heard. They drifted and trembled
beneath Zack's skin, taking root in the small trickle of Cloud's life
that ran through his veins. His eyes welled with tears that he
refused to shed. They hurt, those words, more than any physical pain.
But at the same time, he understood. He knew why Cloud didn't want to
come back. And how could he blame him? All Cloud would find in this
world were pain and grief. I'm sorry, Zack whispered, pulling back
and running his tongue over his still bleeding lip. Gently, he ran
trembling fingers across Cloud's pale, cold cheek. And his resolve
shattered. I'll let you go, Cloud. If it's what you want, I'll let
you go.

Cloud sighed with relief as the tension, the despair
ebbed away. The wall began to crack around him, splintering into
hundreds of tiny fragments as Zack slowly let him go. Shining shards
of Zack's love rained down around him as he willed himself toward the
Life stream. A broken fragment knocked against him, slicing into his
arm, and Cloud grabbed the wound as the most intense agony he'd ever
experienced bore down over him. Zack's pain had been bottled in the
fragment, and now he could feel what Zack was feeling. The
hopelessness, the despair, the horrific sadness, it all culminated
into a lasting pain that Cloud could not endure. He couldn't leave
Zack like that, not with that kind of hurt. Not even for his
desperately craved peace. Zack was too important to him to brand with
such crippling sorrow. He would have to go back... Cloud swallowed.
I'll come back. He whispered. But...I'm afraid...

Me too, Zack
breathed, gathering Cloud's limp body in his arms as the dark, faded
impression of those words swirled inside him. I'm terrified of the
pain you'll be in, that we'll never get out of this hell. I'm afraid
he's not gone, Cloud, that he'll come back again. But I do love you,
with everything I am.

He felt the tiny sliver of Cloud's life
that beat in time with his own heart flare within him, and he focused
on it, feeding it with all the strength that had revived in the last
hours, kindling it until it burned brightly. Do you see the way
home?

Cloud looked behind him. He could just make out a tiny
speck of gold in the distance. Yes. With a final, longing look at the
Life stream, Cloud put it behind him and willed himself towards the
glimmer that was Zack. His fears threatened to consume him as he drew
closer and closer to that hated cell. Don't think about it, he told
himself. Concentrate on Zack. He's the reason you're going back. He
focused his mind on the dark-haired man, his smile, his voice, his
now seldom heard laugh. Zack. Zack. Zack...

As the blackness
faded out, pain faded in like a volatile crescendo. It grew and grew
and grew. He was back inside his body, but he was just a disjointed
spirit haunting a lifeless husk. He slowly began to try and mesh his
spiritual and physical beings back together. It hurt. An unnatural,
aching agony. And his strength was failing. Zack... he sent out. I
can't...I need...help me.

I'm here, Cloud. Just relax.
Shifting Cloud in his arms, Zack leaned down and met those lips in a
searing kiss that held all his love, all his hopes and fears and
insecurities. With a kiss that embodied everything he was, Zack once
more breathed his own life into Cloud's dead flesh.

A cool,
fiery tingle slithered over Cloud's consciousness. A soft, gentle
pressure cut through the pain and Cloud relaxed into it, allowing it
to possess him, consume him. It grew stronger and hotter, and Cloud
was carried away on its current.

Cloud opened his eyes. They
were bright blue and completely his own. He peered up into Zack's
earnest face and a hint of a smile ghosted across his weary features.
"I love you too," he whispered.

The End.

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