November 25, 2009

I want to write. But I lack clarity of purpose. I don't want to write without a purpose for writing.

I have been selfish for a long time. Every decision, action, thought is all about me. Me. Me. Me. My writing has been about me. How bad I have felt; my suffering. I wrote about it because I thought the writing would give me something. Like peace. Or comfort. Instead, the lamenting just led to more lamenting.

The suffering has become a kind of identity for me. An identity I wish to shed.

I want to write. But I don't want to find myself in the same place again. Stuck. Whining.

My life is filled with apathy. I want to feel something other than that. I want to write about something other than my apathy. Or my suffering because of the apathy. Or the apathy that has replaced the darkness that, for so long, clouded my mind and my life.

I want to have a purpose.

Maybe the best I can hope for is that, eventually, everything will work itself out. And, maybe, I can just write about that.

To say that I love these shoes would be an enormous understatement. You see, I have flat feet. (There, I said it!) Because of the flatness of my feet, I have a great deal of difficulty finding shoes that will not, quite literally, break my pinky toe metatarsels.

I have endured many strains and fractures of that pinky toe bastard because my weight is not supported by an arch. You would think that nice arch support would solve the problem, but when I wear a shoe that has THE SLIGHTEST bit of arch support...my weight is transfered to my pinky toe metatarsel...and SNAPS that puny bastard like a twig!!

As luck would have it, I like to jog. I have tried many other kinds of exercise, but nothing does it for me like a good jog in the brisk morning air. Unfortunately, if I go more than 10 strides in a bad pair of shoes, I pay dearly. I have actually had to take off a pair of shoes (I won't mention the brand...Nike...oops, it just slipped out!) and walk home in my socks to avoid breaking my pinky toe.

Now, do you understand why I almost peed myself with delight after taking my Lotus Rykas out for a spin?

Pinky Toe Perfection!!

Nary another shoe will touch my pathetic pancake feet again!

Not only are the shoes killer, so is the company. I want this company to be really, really successful. Ryka was started by a woman and the company continues to give back to causes that support women. Ryka downright rocks.

August 08, 2007

I have wanted to smack my husband up along side his head for many years. (How many times have I wanted to start a post with that sentence? Too many!) Because he promised me that he would speak Spanish to our kids. He promised me that it was important to him. He promised me that he was committed to helping our children learn the language that connects them to their heritage, the part of them that is him.

After having read The Bilingual Edge, I realize that it is just as much my responsibility as my husband's. (I would still like to smack him, though.)

This book is written by two women, both of whom are professors of linguistics and mothers. (They have just about as much "street cred" as is humanly possible!) Not only do they give excellent ideas about incorporating language into every day life, they use their academic background to thoroughly support every claim (and debunk every myth) with research. They address everything from edutainment language programs to starting bilingual playgroups, all of which is based in sound research and also makes sense (two things that ought to go hand in hand, but don't always).

There are some things that I have already changed in terms of incorporating a second language into my children's lives and there are more changes to come. I am rededicated to this task because they will have a greater degree of cognitive flexibility, creativity and a connection to their heritage through language. But Dora the Explorer, Muzzy and Plaza Sesamo will have little impact on my goal of bilingualism. Instead, we will be having a side of Spanish with our pizza every Friday. We will also add one Spanish book to the lineup each night before bed and start using some common phrases in Spanish. Not only that, I have asked Yaya and Papa to start using Spanish exclusively. This will take time, but they have already started. They are an invaluable resource and my children are lucky to have them.

The bottom line is: I don't need my Spanish speaking husband to be the one to teach my children Spanish. I can do it. And I will.

July 24, 2007

My oldest son has a good friend who happens to LOVE Transformers. They have often played together, Transformers at their sides, negotiating the machine-to-robot switch as they laugh and engage in pretend battles. As a result, we learned of the impending release of "Transformers: the Movie" which was released on July 4th.

Although it was heavily marketed for kids, including promotional toys at Burger King, this movie is NOT for children. Officially, it is for audiences aged 13+, hence the PG-13 rating.

Although my 6 year old son was bubbling over with delight at the prospect of watching this movie (and had convinced his Daddy to TAKE HIM!!), I held my ground. I searched for web clips and made my Irreverent Husband watch said clips. He laughed and said, "but the boy wants to see it!" I threatened. He knew I meant it.

I have since seen the movie. I was right, he was wrong...as per usual.

July 14, 2007

This book was hard to read. Not hard as in "wow, I don't know what that word means, I better drag out the ole Merriam Webster," but as in "does this guy know my mom and dad?"

Hard as it may have been, I'm glad I read it. My mom and I have had some interesting conversations stemming from my reading this book. I feel like we have even ironed out some things, because of this book. Not only that, my mother has had some personal insights into her own relationship with her mother. As it turns out, this book may have inspired 3 generations of healing. I'm not sure I can give a better review than that!

Although the book appears to be written for parents of adult children, there are a number of people who might find help in the pages. For me, I found insight into how my relationship with my parents influences how I parent my children. There are several quiz-type questions that are extremely helpful in identifying similarities between you and your parent (chapter 13). And personal stories that provide some descriptions of common parent/child situations and conflict that are easy to identify with.

I also feel like the book has armed me with information when it comes to parenting my (future) teen aged children. Not only in what to provide them (rules...so they know they are loved and protected, but not too many rules...otherwise they will feel stifled and controlled), but in what I can do for myself in the process of parenting teenagers (be compassionate with myself and forgiving).

This is an excellent book, a resource that I will keep with me for many years.

Finally, if you do not dissolve into a puddle of tears after reading Dr. Coleman's essay "When a Family Man Thinks Twice," you might want to check your pulse. What a beautiful, moving essay. What a wonderful, insightful book.

June 26, 2007

Ah, it feels good to get that out into the open! I have heard that admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery... (One can hope.)

Within the past few months, I have been confronted with a number of Google-worthy ailments. Major Depression, Hypothyroidism, dying (er, DEAD) libido, arthritis in my freaking thumbs... Clearly, the Earth is tilted off its axis. (Why else would I be subjected to such a formidable array of health-related issues?)

Hmmm. What does Almighty Google say I must do in order to rid myself of these disturbing ailments?

Google said a lot. Google provided MILLIONS of answers. I clicked on the first 15 suggested websites for each ailment...and pulled myself away from the computer THREE HOURS later, somewhat wiser and certainly more TIRED!!

This book is like Google on Crack. The information that took me THREE HOURS to uncover with Google? Was instantly at my GOOGLE-BLOODIED FINGERTIPS in The 24-Hour Pharmacist.

Some of my favorite chapters (already worn, with page corners folded over to mark their importance):1: Overcoming Fatigue: From Stupor Woman to Super Woman5: Antidepressants: Do you Need One to be Happy?6: Frazzled, Frustrated, and Freaked Out: Coping with Anxiety and Stress11: Monthly Madness: Cramps, Crankiness, and Other Hormonal Highs & Lows15: More Jiggle, Less Joint Pain: What You Can Do About Arthritis

And, I have changed a number of things that have VASTLY improved my state of well-being and physical health over the past few weeks. Primarily, I have started taking the following supplements every day:SAM-eGingko BilobaRhodiola RoseaOmega oilsL-Tyrosine

Turns out, most of my symptoms are related, interconnected. For instance, SAM-e boosts mood and energy, improves the performance of antidepressants, can decrease premenstrual hostility and irritability, and also decreases the pain and swelling in arthritic joints. Two/Three/Four birds, with one stone!! Gingko Biloba increases mental acuity and attention and also increases the blood flow to your "happy parts," thereby increasing libido. Rhodiola Rosea is and adaptogen and can calm you down, ease depression, beat fatigue and even help you sleep better. Omega oils improve just about everything and L-Tyrosine can improve mood and energy, suppress the appetite and improve thyroid function.

Based upon my symptomology, I might also benefit from Selenium, a B-complex vitamin and 5-HTP.

I love this book. Seriously. Not only has it successfully replaced my Google addiction (related to health conditions, body ailments, and treatments...otherwise, Google is still my drug of choice), it has given me the satisfaction of instant gratification with a healthy dose of humor from an author who is knowledgable and unafraid to be a little irreverent. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Suzy Cohen and me...well, we could hang out!! Knowing drugs the way she does...I bet she mixes a mean Mojito!

May 27, 2007

My oldest son had a special day with his cousins, his aunt and uncle and his grandparents at a lake in the mountains on Saturday. The baby awoke with a fever and my daughter was still recovering from a cold, so we holed up at home while Lobito happily climbed into the backseat of my brother-in-law's car, right in between his two favorite people on the planet...his 15-year-old and 12-year-old cousins, both boys. As you might imagine, they are gods to my 6-year-old son. Consequently, his day-trip to the mountains was better than heaven for my boy!

Sepe and Faffi had a good day with mommy, but were both worn out by 10am. I tried to entertain myself as my two youngest slept for almost 4 hours (wooooo-hooooo!), but my fate was sealed when they awoke. In order to get my daughter to lay her weary head upon her pillow for a much-needed nap, I had to promise her a large green ogre. So, as soon as Faffi's eyes were open...we were off to the theater (phew-ter, as Faffi calls it).

The ogre more than made up for the fact that Faffi had been left behind when Lobito grinningly abandoned her for the lake earlier in the day. Shrek and the entire cast of characters made my daughter laugh and squeal with delight. She and I shared a favorite scene in the movie...the princesses kickin' ass to the tune of Baracuda. (I can hear it even now....ahhh-ahhh, ahhhh!!)

My daughter and I had a wonderful time together. I guess sometimes managing motherhood means that a mommy has to spend a little bit of special time with her girl. And a family of green ogres.

About the Mother of Chaos

Bobita~
In my home Chaos rules supreme. I would like to think that I have some kind of control over this Chaos...but then it wouldn't be Chaos, would it?! I have three little minions, and one husband...but I could use a few more! I also have a job, which usually suffers because my children do not attend daycare. My paying gig is in education and my non-paying gig is at home, where I generally suck at any housewifery. But I am a good mom. When I take my medicine! (Heh.) Because of the challenges that I have faced, I have read mountains of books and research articles on how to make my life easier. Much of what I have learned has been helpful. This blog will highlight some of the most helpful. I hope that some of these tips will be helpful to you.

About the Mother of Canadian Chaos:

Trabinski~
I'm a teacher turned stay-at-home mom who is slightly trapped in the 80's (but then again what good Canadian isn't?) with a strong affinity for great coffee. While my beloved rugrats (6 yr old KK & 4 yr old Super T) keep me hoppin', I find myself pulled to social justice and environmental issues like taking an ill-behaved dog for a walk on a tight leash. My beloved husband (the Shrink), continues to provide me with love, support, and encouragement, as well as endless fodder for narrative enjoyment!