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@Terbousa arndog expressed that one aspect of his current elevation in pain might have been due to the death of his dog and later his attempt to overcome lingering pain due to grief around that death by bringing a new puppy into his life. i've reread the opening post and several others by the OP and nowhere except in your first post do i get any hint of suicide. my original reply to you on the topic of suicide was in direct response to your post about suicide. like i stated then, i agree with you on being successful. i also think you should start a thread dealing with suicide in the appropriate sub-forum if you want to talk about it further. i'd discuss it with you if you provide a link to it. i doubt the OP would mind if you provided a link in this thread. in any event good luck with your journey.