If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Zen and the art of Waitressing

We were having dinner the other night and our waitress reminded me of my Zen practice.

It was a busy night and she was trying very, very, very hard. She had burnt her hand on a plate, spilled water all over menus, and refilled my sprite with water. For all her effort, she was actually causing herself to do a terrible job. If she had just paused and taken a breath between taking orders and carrying food, she could have managed it.

With Zen, right now, I am the same way. I study, study, study. I am always thinking about Zen, even to the point that I have trouble falling asleep at night (Zen keeping me up at night? I'm obviously not doing something right). And then my mind endlessly spins in questions.. Should I post this or that? Am I posting too much? too little? What did Jundo think of my email I sent him? I thought Soto taught "XYZ" yet Jundo hasn't mentioned it and seems to be saying "JKLMNO". Treeleaf teaches to practice this way, another Zen master says this way and he's really "cool" too, I was already practicing this third way, should I change? Not change? And on, and on it goes. Thinking, Thinking, thinking becomes obsessing, obsessing, obsessing eventually becomes worrying, worrying, worrying. And then I'm worrying about Zen!! How silly is that?

Thank goodness there is no bad zazen, because I'm pretty terrible at it sometimes, just like the waitress. It's like Jundo said in taking a bath with your clothes on video, I'm fine and lacking nothing just the way I am, there is no good or bad. For me, that means that if my ego/thinking mind/personality is this way it's okay. I'm naturally a overly-focused, overly-serious, but dedicated person and that's okay. At times this is really helpful and at times it gets in the way. Just because it's okay to be that way, doesn't mean I have to let myself drive off a cliff or into poison ivy either and worrying about Zen is probably something I want to figure out how to change. And most importantly I understand that this thinking, worrying person isn't me. I just am, that clear blue sky where is not worrying or thinking, just being. As a very old Zen teaching says, the sky doesn't worry about it's proper sky-ness or blueness.

This is only my perspective of course. I hope it is helpful and some of you can relate.

I have a job that requires me to think excessively, until smoke comes out of my head. The last thing I need is to go home and continue intellectual pursuits by reading Zen which is exactly what I have done in the past to the detriment of my practice and serenity. The best advice I have gotten has been to "Just Sit!" When I just sit things tend to fall in place just the way they are supposed to be.

it's natural that you are excited to have found a new community and maybe also new ways to practice. I can understand what you are describing, because when I am excited by something, I want to read everything about it, go to the bottom of it and figure it out. It's just so cool to have found it!

So I would say, allow your excitement to be there and energize you, but also make an agreement with yourself that this practice is for the long haul and you can take it in small steps to find your path. Pick one book and really absorb it page by page, instead of reading ten at a time. Pick a "topic of the month" and focus your practice (e.g. meal gatha, metta etc.) instead of trying put it all into your life at the same time.

Practice with urgency and excitement and at the same time with calmness and all the time in the world (OK I kind of stole that from Gary Snyder...)

Thank you all for you encouraging, compassionate, but also challenging words. I realized I don't really get this Zen thing and so much of what you all have said really sunk in. As the saying goes "it hit like a ton of bricks" and I felt years of striving, not being enough melt into tears. "Just sit" and "Before enlightenment chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment chop wood and carry water" there is no where to go and nothing to attain. There's liberation there. Nindo, thanks for you advice as well, it is spot on and if I find myself spinning into worry again I'll stop and take one thing at a time and of course "just sit." Two major realizations for the price of one post, thanks!

Hi Fred, I get that way too. When something is new and exciting to me, I want to figure it all out at once. My brain races and I am obsessed with learning everything I can about it as soon as possible. I want to be an expert TODAY! Sometimes, the urge can be so strong, I neglect other parts of my life such as work and family. This causes suffering for me and others. The suffering can even cause the situation to spiral out of control because now I believe I must learn everything even faster so I can return to the others I am neglecting (when we neglect our loved ones, we neglect ourselves too) which causes me to spend more time studying and neglecting them (and me).

All his suffering is being caused by clinging to the false notion "in order for me to be happy, I must know all there is to know about this new subject and it has to be today." We get it in our head this is truly the only way to be happy. It is not until we let go of false notions like this that we begin to find peace and end our suffering. Ironically, Buddhism teaches us that we learn more about the ultimate reality of things by closing our books and learning to just be.

Fred,
I do the same at times. Sometimes even the words "just sit" can set my mind spinning. I try to give myself a gentle reminder that the spinning is perfectly fine...then I watch it. It does what it does and that's about it.