A blog about the Big Four of the English Premier League

But Owen scored!

Is the first line I got from a friend who turned on the TV just around the second half to watch United demolish Wigan in 35 minutes of near-flawless attacking football. After Burnley, the least Fergie would’ve expected from his side is 3-0. Which is why when he got those 3 goals by the 70th minute, he took Rooney off and sent Owen on. But then, I think Owen read this blog. And wasn’t too pleased about it. Ladies and Gentlemen, there’s a New No. 7 on the block.

Antonio Valencia started against his old club and Nani was restored on the left as United started with what looks to be set as the first team in the attacking options for the season. Much of the first half didn’t see much of the highly anticipated ‘Burnley Backlash’ that was expected from United. Instead, it was more of a Burnley Hangover as United once again failed to unpick a fairly well-organized defence with a Titus Bramble having the game of his life. The slightly surprising reappearance of Scholes in the midfield was probably because of Carrick’s already-documented inability with putting balls past people. Fletcher’s reappearance in the center of midfield was another comforting thought. It meant Patrice could now miss high balls and it would be ok. Gary’s back too, that’s got to be good.

Biggest news on the team sheet, and possibly literally speaking – Nemanja Vidic. I was right. The ball didn’t dare come into the penalty box. The odd one that got slipped in and Hugo Rodallega suddenly got flashbacks of his goal last season were mercilessly tackled away. Of special note is a left-footed tackle deep in the D when United had only a one-goal lead. It’s the sort of place where a defender wouldn’t even get a foot in. Not Nemanja. Inch-perfect tackle leaving Rodallega wondering where the ball went. Which is why he went after Vidic some time after that, going after balls weren’t working anyway.

So the 5 reasons United gave to convince the world that it wasn’t a spent force in attack started with Rooney’s 100th in the 55th minute. Rooney’s finally got his jump figured out, it’s all Goldilocks now. Not too early, not too late, not too high. Antonio Valencia tried a lot of running past defenders in the early periods of the game. Then he gave up, stood at one place, collected the ball, and put it bang into the middle of three red shirts who were, in order of height – Scholes, Nani, Rooney. Scholes didn’t jump (I’m too old for this man), the ball didn’t reach Nani, and Rooney showed why he is England’s No.1 striker.

The second goal needs a post by itself and mark my words, you’ll probably get it. All that talk about the 30 Million Pounds, for Berba well, there’s why. Starting the move from just outside the D and continuing his run, it was a flurry of three passes before Scholes lobbed the ball past the first defender (this I’m not too old for), leaving Berba with the last man, and the goalkeeper to beat. This led to the sweetest moment of the match, as an off-balance Berba tipped the ball over Chris Kirkland leaving him swatting at a collective 30 cubic feet of air. Maybe all that turbulence helped Berba regain his balance as he coolly finished the volley past Game-of-my-life Bramble. And showing why he is Bulgaria’s No.1 striker.

The third goal was more of a case of the front four lining up going ‘My turn My turn’ and Scholes running up saying ‘Wait for meee’. Eventually, everyone understood that when in doubt, give it to Rooney. And Melchiot helped the case leading to Kirkland’s ‘Oh Shit’ moment No.2 – diving upwards as the ball rolled under him. Evidence No. 101 from Rooney showing why he is England’s No.1 striker.

Goal No. 4 and ‘Aww’ moment of the day. Nani pulling the age-old ‘looking one way while reversing the ball in the other direction’ setting off Owen on a diagonal from the right to left. It was always on the cards, and it was always going to come. But could Owen not trip up as he looked to regain his ability to match Usain on the sprint? (ok, maybe not that) Could he still remember what to do in ‘through ball, last man sliding, keeper standing up’ situation? Would he finally, finally stick it up the posteriors of those Merseysiders? Bloody, Goddamn, Yes. One-touch finish, cool as you would like over the defender and past the keeper – Michael Owen showing why he was England’s No.1 striker (Oba I was setting this up all along).

Then Scharner swiped at Berba’s foot in injury time and Nani helped himself to one on the side – like those times you do when you go to a restaurant and eat more of the saunf and sugar at the end than all of the meal. Kirkland wasn’t even bothered anymore, and Nani got good free-kick practice along with a Goal Statistic. Very nice, cue for front flip-back flip-Fergie heart-attack again. Good catch by Martin Tyler on the commentary for this goal – He cost 5 Million more than Ronaldo, so you know…

Yes, we know. Rooney can now head the ball. Nani can put the free-kick in – maybe not as many and sure as heck not from 40 yards against Almunia. And Berba can do the ‘now you see it, now you don’t’ with the ball. Episode 4 in Galacticos Wars seems to be after all, A New Hope.

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Overheard in the Man Utd dressing room at half-time :
Fergie : “You f***ing c***s.. Can you put the f***ing goal in the back of the f***ing net or not?”
Many voices : “Wigan Wigan Wigan Wigan Wigan”

(Extremely) bad jokes apart, today’s performance is most certainly an improvement after the mid-week crisis, but we’ll still get our balls kicked if we put in the “let’s not finish” football against the bigger teams.

If we put in a performance like today against the other three of the big-four –
1) Arsenal will punish our weak defense…
2) Liverpool will smash a few goals in before we know it.. And defend like their life-depends on it for the rest of the game..
3) And Tevez will score when we play City.. (football plays these cruel tricks..)

United desperately require the speed that Ronaldo had. Every time the ball would go to Valencia or Nani, the lack of speed clearly showed, as defenders repeatedly caught up and put sufficient pressure to screw up the pass.
Right now, Evra is the only player who can fall into the fast category..

And, most important of all, our corners are HORRIBLE! The ball in from Nani is so impotent, aimed straight at the keeper. And with only Vidic a serious threat on the corners, the better teams will just figure out that giving away a corner to United is as good as winning a goal-kick!

@Kedar:
U have to got be kidding me! i dont think i even need to be explicit here. but considering its you, i will.
There is a certain club which goes by the name of Chelsea which kicked your ass a few weeks back and which doesnt whines on losing a player for so long and which right now has the cent percent record in the current season.
and clearly since you have mentioned Man u’s shortcomings(though not all of them) then going by logic it will be Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal and Man city comprising the top four.
Where do u (and by u i mean Man U. should have been obvious but considering its you, i thought ill mention it) come into picture then?
but again considering its you, i shouldnt bother reading your reply, because considering its you, it will be nonsensical and because considering its you, i dont give a damn.