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Bengals Hire Detroit Lions General Manager

CINCINNATI - After years of outcry from fans and experts, Mike Brown has finally hired a general manager to oversee football operations of the Bengals. Brown plans to introduce Matt Millen, formerly of the Detroit Lions in an upcoming news conference.

"We were so lucky to find someone who is a perfect fit for our organization." said Brown. "We see Matt coming in and taking over football operations without missing a step from the work he did in Detroit."

Millen's record during eight years as general manager for Detroit was 31-97. Brown hopes that he can bring the same kind of magic to the Bengals. "Detroit was foolish to ever let this talented professional get away," said Brown. "The Lions record will suffer next year, especially if Matt can help us bring John Kitna back to the organization."

Fans of the Bengals were elated upon hearing that Mike Brown had finally let loose some of his control over the team by hiring a G.M. But smiles soon faded when fans learned that he chose one from a team that went 0-16 last year.

Brown claims that Millen was the best man for the job, adding that he interviewed many people including John McCain's campaign manager, the CEO of Circuit City, and the GM of a peanut butter factory in Georgia.