Tagged: David Robertson

Is it me, or did AJ Burnett seem to pitch better in the rain? He had a little bit of a shaky time during a couple of innings, but he managed to get himself out of trouble, and shut the Twins out through five innings. This was a good start from AJ Burnett, even though the rain cut it short. Had the game continued, he could have probably pitched into the seventh inning, since he finished the fifth with 75 pitches.

What was particularly funny was seeing the Twins’ crew reacting to rain. They had been playing in a dome for nearly three decades, so this was the first time in a long time that they had to brave the elements during a baseball game. They obviously weren’t used to it. One official even said (I’m paraphrasing here): “Since we haven’t had experience with this sort of thing, we went by the official rules set by Major League Baseball. This is all very new to us, but we made the decisions in accordance with official rules.”

It was cute to see such uncertainty when it came to rain delays or game suspensions. We’re used to it, and rain is a regular thing for us to suffer through in the first couple of months of the season. It was also nice to see that we were a part of history: This was the first rain-out in the new ballpark.

I think the rain during this game woke up Twins’ fans, and made them realize that it’s important to check the weather forecasts before baseball games. That is something they hadn’t done for almost 30 years.

Anyway, the game is suspended until tomorrow. The game will be picked up from the sixth inning, and everything will be exactly the same as it was left off. AJ Burnett needs the Yankees to score in the first inning of the resumed game (which will be the top of the sixth) to put him in line for his first win since facing the Baltimore Orioles earlier this month.

Picking up where we left off the night before, the game started in the top of the sixth inning. Duensing was on the mound for the Minnesota Twins, trying to hold onto the shutout that Scott Baker began the night before. After striking out Kevin Russo on three pitches, Duensing seemed to be on a roll. Then, Captain Clutch stepped up to the plate.

Derek Jeter blasted a solo home run off of the Twin’s lefty, putting the Yankees on the board and taking the lead. AJ Burnett needed the Yankees to score in the first inning of the resumed game (which was the top of the sixth) to put him in line for a win. Who other than our Captain would have his teammate’s back like that? Indeed, Jeter’s home run put Burnett en-route to his first win since facing the Orioles earlier this month.

No one thought that the 1-0 score would hold up, not with the Twins’ lineup, so we were hoping that our bats would at least pad this lead to secure a win for us, and a win for AJ.

They didn’t do that, but the result was still sweet for the team, and for AJ. It would have been a shame to see Burnett’s efforts the night before go to waste.

In the bottom of the sixth inning, David Robertson was on the mound to preserve the lead, and keep us on track for the win. The first batter he faced was Joe Mauer, who is never pleasant to face. Mauer hit a rocket right onto Dave Robertson’s derriere, and we all cringed at the sight and sound of it. Yes, the sound. We heard that ball pop off of D-Rob’s backside. The ball bounced off the butt (hello, alliteration) of Robertson, and right into Alex Rodriguez’s glove. Joe Mauer was out.

For a split-second, we all panicked. With the string of injuries that the Yankees had been suffering from recently, the first thought on my mind upon seeing Robertson get hit was “Oh no. Not another one. Please stop hurting our players!”

There was a visit to the mound to check on Robertson to see if he was alright. Robertson was okay, and a huge sigh of relief spread amongst the Yankee Faithful. Thank God he’s okay. The last thing we need is another player injured, especially a bullpen pitcher.

In the same inning Derek Jeter gave us some of that Jeterian Magic. He made a Vintage Jeter jump-throw to end the inning and save the day. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen Jeter’s jump-throw over the years, but I’m still in awe every time I see it. It was as beautiful as it has always been.

So, in one inning, Derek Jeter hit the game-winning home run, and made an amazing defensive play to preserve it. Concurrently, Captain Clutch told all of his haters to collectively suck it.

David Robertson went on to get two more outs, before Joba Chamberlain relieved him. Chamberlain then continued to pitch, and had a beautiful eighth inning. He handed the ball over to God who, of course, got the save.

None of us thought that a 1-0 lead would hold up, but it did. Our three pitchers deserve the highest of praise for their efforts in this game. We can’t always blow-out the opposition by scoring a dozen runs. We need to be able to win these one-run games if we want glory. That’s what we did last season, and hopefully we’ll be continuing to do so this season.

Well, the week from Hell is over. Well, almost over. We’ll make it out alive. Not exactly sane, but we’ll still be breathing.

I’m not talking about the Yankees, of course. They’ll definitely be alive. The Yankees are in a good place. 25-16 is a good record to have in May.

I’m talking about Yankees fans.

Show of hands, how many of you have ulcers after this week? *raises hand*

Now, how many of you have ulcers that developed their own ulcers because of this week? *raises hand*

We knew ahead of time that this week was going to be the most difficult week yet. We faced two of our division rivals. First, the Red Sox, who magically seem to find their strengths against us. Then, the Tampa Bay Rays, who are hotter than hot right now. I was nervous going into this week. I honestly expected us to sweep the Red Sox, and get swept by the Rays. Well, I was half-right.

Anyway, what an emotionally exhausting week. Oh but
it’s not over! We face our inner-city rivals next! If we don’t beat the Mets, I’ll have to beat something. Probably to a bloody pulp.

*Meet the Mess. Meet the Mets. Step right up and beat the Mets!*

Listen, I’m the Queen of Cool and Calm when looking at the big picture. I don’t panic until our elimination number is in the single digits, and we’re on a losing streak in September. So don’t worry, I’m looking at the big picture here.

We’ve been suffering through a lot of injuries, and our bench is pretty much depleted. We called up Chad Moeller to be our backup catcher while Posada is out. Basically, Chad Moeller will be warming the bench for the vast majority of the next month. Nick Swisher is back, so at least we won’t have to suffer through Marcus Thames in right field anymore.

I wonder how Marcus “Dumb*ss Of The Year” Thames is doing? *Who gets hurt like that? Really? Who does that?!*

While I do see, and appreciate, the big picture, weeks like this week hurt. It’s not easy to endure losses like these, as a fan.

You know what? I’m not going to write about this game. I’m sick of repeating the same thing I’ve said about every other game this week…

It’s only May. *blah blah blah* He was due for a bad start. *blah blah* We knew he wouldn’t win every game this season. *blah* Randy [expletive] Winn *blah blah* These injuries are killing us *BLAH*

What’s the point of repeating myself? You’ve heard it all before, so why should I say it again? Do I really need to recap this game for you? Look at the damn boxscore, it says it all.

We failed once again, boys and girls. I usually try to find excuses for our players sucking in a game, and these excuses are usually legitimate. I just believe in giving your players the benefit of the doubt. Especially the team that we have this year. You know what, though? They’ve already given me enough ulcers to warrant some sort of negative reaction from me.

So, in this post, I will step out of character for a bit, and just make fun of every player who played in this game. I will roast them one by one. Just talk trash to them. That should make me feel better.

Before I begin, let me make it very clear that NONE OF THIS is to be taken seriously. I love our players, and I love our team. This is just a way for me to let my frustration out.

Roasted nuts, anyone?

Andy Pettitte: I used to say “Andy can Pettitte”, but the only thing you should be petting is your toupee at the retirement home. Way to show us you’re not aging, grandpa. Stop hitting me with your cane! I’m getting off of your stupid lawn! Tell your Bridge partner Jamie Moyer to stop shouting at me, I’m not stealing his paper!

Derek Jeter: Captain Clutch? Yeah, not so much. If Minka isn’t clutching it right, give Kate Hudson a call. I hear she’s available. Do it soon before Dallas Braden calls her, and she dies of laughter.

Brett Gardner: You used to remind me of Speedy Gonzales. Now, you’re like that mouse who drew the short straw to decide on who should run in front of the cat, to get to the cheese factory. Like the mouse with the short straw, you got caught.

Mark Teixeira: Your haircut doesn’t make you look like a switch-hitter, it makes you look like you flat-out bat for the other team. Those bangs must be getting in your eyes, because you can’t seem to tell the difference between a ball and a strike anymore. Call Fabio, or whoever the Hell your San Fransisco-esque hairdresser is, and tell him that Papelbon came onto you after the Red Sox game, thinking you were his type. That hairstyle has got to go.

Alex Rodriguez: Maybe you should give your cousin in the Dominican Republic a call…

Robinson Cano: Maybe you should conference call with A-Rod and his cousin…

Nick Swisher: Last I checked, you can’t hit the ball with your awesome attitude. So stop clowning around, and start getting some damn hits. I don’t care who you’re with or how awesome your hair is. Get some damn hits. Stop staying up late, talking to people on Twitter. Unless these people will hit home runs for you, GET SOME SLEEP!

Juan Miranda: You’re actually productive, but I have to roast you like I did the others. So… you make “DH” stand for “D*ck Head”.

Francisco Cervelli: Okay, that helmet was cute in Spring Training, but now you look like you should be licking short-bus windows. Need a towel to wipe the drool? Fasten your chin strap, Frankie! Stop hitting solid objects with your head, Frankie! Oy. We need a bigger helmet.

Randy Winn: You’re Randy Winn.

David Robertson: So nice of you to join us. I’m so sorry that our little pesky baseball season interrupted your vacation from pitching. Obviously you were taking a break from it all in April, and half of May. The drunk, cross-dressing homeless man, who wanders around near my office building, could have pitched better than you in the first month-and-a-half of the season. I know you miss having Spring Break, but please try to do your job when you’re on the mound.

Chan Ho Park: I thought you got over your diarrhea weeks ago. Why are you still crapping your pants every time you step on the mound? It really stinks, Chopper. I’m not sure if something was “lost in translation” but, in America, when we say “give them sh*t”, we mean give them a hard time. We don’t mean “crap your pants and act like a drunken monkey flinging feces”. Actually, I’ve seen monkeys fling poo with more accuracy than your pitches. Get your sh*t right, Chan Ho. Chug a bottle of Pepto-Bismol before each game.

***

There, like Chan Ho Park’s lunch, that crap is out of my system. Now, I open the floor to you, my loyal readers. If you feel frustrated with the loss, and would like to roast some players, feel free to do so in my comments section underneath this blog post. THIS IS ALL FOR FUN! So don’t take it too seriously, and don’t be offended. We all love our Yankees.