Sunday, February 06, 2011

If you're not a smart man, you may need to read this

Too bad these smart men are usually either taken or playa's. So I'm sure you're very nice if you're reading this. It means you can admit you have a thing or two to learn. Probably about women.

Here's the thing: Valentine's Day is coming. FickleFeline reminded me of this and she inspired me with her post on her favourite things. Thing is, her favourites aren't mine.

So that's lesson #1: All women are not the same.

Lesson #2: A lot of women are very similar.
**Make sure you don't make the wrong assumption based on lesson one or two.

Lesson #3: Even though Valentine's Day is kind stupid, if you've celebrated it in the past, you're basically saying "I don't like you as much as I used to" if you don't celebrate it now. Or, if you haven't celebrated it in the past, then doing so says "you're so super awesome, all the old rules go out the window!"

Lesson #4: As you guessed by the photo, this lesson is about chocolate. For me, it's flourless chocolate cake. Or molten chocolate lava cake. Basically, really dense, rich chocolate cake. Made by YOU. Not bought by you from some chi-chi baker who can make this with his eyes closed and charge $65.60 for it. No. Might as throw it away. Well, eat it first. Then throw the packaging away and never speak of it again.

Lesson #5: Time. Sort of related to #4. That's what makes #4 special instead of just an excuse to have larger thighs. But it could also be what makes that walk in the snow so nice. Or that cuddle. Or that clean bathroom and garbage at the curb. Maybe even the art project you looked up to do together, using old magazines and house paint.

Lesson #6: Thought. Again, related to #4. Because if you made me chocolate orange cake, I'd be sad. One of two chocolate variations that I don't like? Chocolate espresso, OK! Nice twist on an idea. But orange? That was you looking for the first recipe with the word chocolate in it that was rate five-stars. The same goes for taking me to a concert that you like very much. This lesson tells you to look up where to go skating even though you'd rather be inside, because you know I've been wishing I exercised more and haven't used my skates this year.

You thought I was going to do more lessons, didn't you?

I could. But even at six they're starting to relate. And I think you get the picture.