My Bacon Awakening

I was raised a "traditional" Jew. Here's why I gave it up.

"She looks like a shikse," people told my mom when I was three years old. "Do you dye her hair blonde?"

I didn't look Jewish when I grew older, either, but that didn't faze me. I took my religion for granted, like the freckles on my nose that I didn't necessarily love but accepted as part of my skin.

Half my elementary school was Jewish but none of us had a clue what being Jewish really meant.

I grew up on a 1970s South African brand of Jewish tradition. Half my elementary school was Jewish but none of us had a clue what being Jewish really meant. I knew I wasn't the same as Patrick Nichols in the seat next to me, but that was about it.

At Passover time, the classroom buzzed with the novelty of matzah-and-peanut-butter sandwiches. "Tradition" dictated that on the Jewish holidays we take off school, although none of us went to shul. Those who did spent most of the time socializing outside, anyway. "Tradition" demanded that we fast on Yom Kippur. So for weeks before, I'd collect piles of comics with my best friend, and shlepp them to the park where we'd spend the day, swapping junk literature for food and drink.

We were "traditional Jews," Ma always said. Nothing to do with religion, I should understand. She lit candles on Friday nights and we went to shul on Rosh Hashana. "Once-a-Year Jews," my friend Jason said, which made my skin itch. Jason thought himself more traditional than me because they kept a kosher home. But they 'ate out' at non-kosher restaurants, which made them hypocrites as far as I was concerned.

Dad had strong opinions about the difference between religion, which he didn't like, and tradition, which he did. "A bris has nothing to do with religion," he said. "It's tradition!" My mother said being Jewish was "in the blood." But I never quite got the secret ingredient.
One Christmas morning when I was eight, as we filled up Dad's Ford Fairlane at the gas station, Jingle Bells blared on the radio. I jumped out of the car and proclaimed to the attendant and everyone else who'd listen, "We're Jewish. We don't have Christmas!"

"Shhhhh!" Ma hushed me up and shuffled me back into the car. Why did our Jewishness need to be hushed up? Didn't Ma and Dad always say they were proud to be Jews? Maybe what we had "in the blood" wasn't so kosher after all.

Burgers and Shakes

In seventh grade, my class took a trip to South Africa's Natal coast, about 14 hours away (school bus time). I had never slept away from home for a whole week. On the last morning, they served bacon and eggs. Pork was strictly off limits in my family. My friends were eating their fill. What harm could it do -- just this once?

But as the bus jostled us back home to Jo'burg, my main concern was less about the pork I had put into my mouth, and more about what would come out of my mouth when Ma asked the question I just knew she'd ask.

I planned my strategy. I would deftly veer us off course -- tell her about the monkeys we saw on our trip to the zoo. Ma thought monkeys were cute. She was bound to get sidetracked and that would be that.

The following Monday, on the way to ballet, I sat in the back seat of the car, tying the satin ribbons of my shoes.

"So, what did you eat for breakfast on Friday morning?" Ma asked as we drove past The Doll's House -- the drive-in takeaway from which we often ordered hamburgers with vanilla milkshakes.

I was ready. "Ma, did I tell you about the monkeys we saw in the zoo?" There was an awful silence as the words trailed off into the hum of the engine.

"What did you have for breakfast?"

"We ate... I mean... that's all there was... I... bacon and eggs."

For a moment, the car, the air, everything, seemed frozen in time. Then she jerked her head sideways and hurled the words at me. "JEWS DON'T EAT PORK!"

Tears stung my eyes. Something swirled in my stomach and raged down my legs. I bit my lip and said nothing. Right! And Jews also don't eat prawns or lobsters or crayfish! So what about all the seafood restaurants we go to on Saturday nights, hey Ma? And what about rump steak and Tornado Highwayman with cheese sauce, hey?

I was full of righteous indignation. But I kept quiet. I could simply have said, "We ate eggs on toast, Ma." It wouldn't have been a complete lie. I guess somewhere inside my belief system, telling the truth cut deeper than tradition.

But the bacon episode convinced me that our way was as hypocritical as Jason's. Say one thing, do something else. And criticize others when the wrong things you do are different from the wrong things they do.

Faith or Fraud

When I became a teen, I made sure I had nothing to do with hypocrisy.

"Do you have spare ribs?" I'd ask the restaurant's waiter.

"We have both beef and pork."

"Pork, please," I'd say purposely.

Then one night, I had a date with Larry. The unwritten rules of Jewish dating in Jo'burg dictated a movie, followed by coffee in your home, whether you enjoyed his company or not. I poured boiling water into our cups as we sat in the square armchairs around Ma's glass coffee table. Larry selected a chocolate chip cookie as we drifted into a discussion about being Jewish. That perked him up.

"You eat pork? Really?" he said.

"What's the problem?"

"You know, it's written in the Torah that we mustn't eat pig."

This was unexpected. I put my cup down. "Really?"

"Absolutely," he said. "Don't eat pig. God says so explicitly."

God? The word reverberated through me like a lightning bolt. I believed God existed because I'd sensed Him shaking His great, gray head when I was chutzpadik to Ma. I knew He was up there somewhere taking notes, though I wouldn't say we had a working relationship. Certainly, He'd never interfered with what I ate!

I stared at Larry as my palms slid back and forth along the upholstery. And I recalled that day in Ma's car, years back. If Larry had said, "How could you!" or "Jews don't..." or anything that smacked of tradition, I would probably have reacted the same way I had to my mother.

This was different. God was Authority, whereas, to my mind, tradition was what different parents made up to keep their kids from assimilating.

But this was different. God was Authority, whereas, to my mind, tradition was what different parents made up to keep their kids from assimilating.

I always sensed that I wasn't getting the full picture. By introducing the element of God, Larry prompted me to re-examine my entire attitude toward Judaism. Was it possible that Judaism has a holistic, internally consistent ideology, resting on the foundation of belief in God?

After that night, I ordered beef spare ribs in steak houses. But in fish restaurants, I still ate prawns with lemon and butter sauce. Was I any different from those I labeled ‘hypocrites'?

Then one day, an ad on the neighborhood billboard caught my eye. It advertised a Torah lecture, entitled, Faith or Fraud: The Truth about Hypocrisy.

I made sure to sit in the front row.

"Many people think you're a hypocrite if you only keep some of the mitzvot," the rabbi said.

Right.

"This is a mistake."

It is?

"You're a hypocrite if you pretend to be something you're not," he continued. "For instance, if you present yourself as more religious than the Pope, but then you short-change someone in a business deal -- that's hypocrisy."

I leaned forward, eagerly.

"Let's say you know that your ear will be stuck to the phone all day Saturday, but you undertake to refrain from phone calls on Friday night. I cannot tell you that it's okay to talk on the phone on Shabbat. It isn't. But Judaism isn't all or nothing. Any mitzvah you take on is valid, and on one level, not talking Friday night is an enormous step in the right direction."

The rabbi continued: "You're not a hypocrite if you can't take on the whole Torah all at once. The Torah wasn't given to angels; it was given to human beings who are works in progress, filled with inconsistencies. Find something small you know you can stick to. And once you've got that step nailed, make sure you take another step. Every movement toward God is precious growth."

God again.

This was the missing piece of the puzzle. Tradition can be a good starting point. But tradition alone is not enough to effectively transmit to the next generation.

I left the class resolved to find something small. Maybe I could never do it all. But the main thing was never to stop growing, never to stop climbing higher.

It didn't bother me that someone might call me a hypocrite. I'd simply tell them that I'd given up the ideology of ‘tradition'.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 41

(41)
Chloe,
April 3, 2007 3:05 AM

Give up traditional Jew and replaced it by what, if any?

I thoroughly enjoyed this article. Malka had me going. I was sorry though that it came to a somewhat abrupt end. I was hoping she would take us further along to where she is now in Judaism or at least what were some, if any, of the early changes she made away from tradition in a step toward God.

(40)
Yaacov,
September 4, 2006 7:09 AM

It's all in the Zohar!

I immediately resonated with Mrs. Shain's unease with the idea of "Tradition" being the justification for one's Jewishness. The incipient shallowness of that answer for a sensitive soul brought me back to my childhood and how I've been looking to resolve this tension ever since I can remember. By the end of the article a powerful statement in the Holy Zohar suddenly brought it all together (roughly translated): "Fools are those who stare at the adornment of the King; those who know better look only at his body; the wise are those pine to see His soul; in the future to come they will merit to gaze upon the soul of His soul." Tradition is Judaism's adornment. As for the rest, dear Malka -- go and learn!

(39)
Virginia,
September 2, 2006 6:08 PM

The Word of God is written on our hearts. Instinctively, Malka knew, even as a child; what comes out of the mouth can be far more damning than what goes into the mouth. Really enjoyed this article. And I am really enjoying this site.

(38)
Daniel,
August 31, 2006 12:37 PM

A very good point...

Good story. A very wise man. Returning from total assimilation presents infinite opportunities for critical people to decry the small steps we take each day toward observance of each mitzvah. There's just too much to do and learn, and it takes years. Each mitzvah, no matter how small, is a credit to the doer. If we waited until we had everything mastered before we actually did anything, we'd be waiting forever.

(37)
Anonymous,
August 29, 2006 12:00 AM

This was a great story. Many Christians (and Jews, for that matter) don't understand how people can have kosher homes but eat out non-kosher, for example. This is a great way to explain it to them, that anything, or something, is better than nothing, regarding observance.

(36)
ralph,
August 28, 2006 12:00 AM

I like what the rabbi said we should seek G-d every day.

(35)
ROSE ETTELMAN,
August 27, 2006 12:00 AM

BACON STORY

YES, THAT'S HOW I WAS TOO, BUT SLOWLY AND SURELY AM NOT ONLY KOSHER BUT MORE OBSERVANT IN MANY WAYS. BARUCH HASHEM!

(34)
Beth,
August 25, 2006 12:00 AM

Every movement toward G-d

"Every movement toward G-d is precious growth." This statement by the Rabbi is absolutely profound. How many times do we beat ourselves up because we fall short of keeping most of the mitzvot? We are all imperfect and that is why we need HaShem's grace and mercy, and I am thankful that He helps us all with small battle victories that lead to winning the bigger war!

(33)
Hannah,
August 24, 2006 12:00 AM

The next generation

Malka wrote "But tradition alone is not enough to effectively transmit to the next generation." The trouble is that in many families there is no "next generation", between non-marriage,intermarriage,

(32)
Dena,
August 24, 2006 12:00 AM

I liked it

I liked this article.It's interesting being introduced to the inner goings on of the author's mind. I also appreciated hearing what the rabbi had to say about keeping only part of the mitzvos. Maybe I can be a bit less judgemental of people who pick and choose (and don't we all, on some level?)

(31)
Andy,
August 24, 2006 12:00 AM

all growth is measured in steps

Well written. Not all or nothing.That is the yaitzer hara saying quit if can't yet do it all. Every waking moment is a challenge.I heard that the Kotzker Rebbe Menachem Mendel asked who is higher on the laddder the person near the top, or the one near the bottom? He answered that it depends in which direction they are going. It seems like he had a great sense of humor.As somewhat of an extremist it is told that he was reminded that Rambam suggested that the middle of the road was often the ideal, he is said to have replied the middle path is for horses.

(30)
julie,
August 24, 2006 12:00 AM

I laughed at the picture

I laughed really hard at the picture, beautiful. I am dark blonde with green eyes and a german last name, so i am not the obvious jew. i did not eat kosher growing up, but when i became observant others started chimming in when they caught something that may not be kosher. Friends i have not seen in months will point out that i am about to put cream in my coffee when i ordered something with meat in it. If you are observant, tell your non-observant friends you are trying it out. Just like any crazy diet, they will remember all the odd quarks and they will support you. Don't think your going it alone just because you have non juwish friends, they can be great support.

(29)
Tamar,
August 24, 2006 12:00 AM

Love My Bacon Awakening

As a young girl who grew up in SA and later moved to California, I could completely relate to this article. I became a Baal Tshuvah around the age of 17 struggling to get away from hypocrisy and the lack of moral and values that so much of today's society faces. This was a good reminder for me, now at 29 with two little boys and a baby on the way, to show my children all aspects of why we are who we are, and why we do what we do!

(28)
susan,
August 23, 2006 12:00 AM

great article

does his story have a continuation

(27)
Angie F.,
August 22, 2006 12:00 AM

Very interesting!

I really enjoyed the author's story. She is definitely one that I would consider reading her other pieces. Thank you!

(26)
Anonymous,
August 22, 2006 12:00 AM

I read this because I have red hair too...;-)

Reading this took pressure off me - all or nothing. I will try to do a little more as the article suggests. I have been taking more steps lately...since the storm. I'm grateful. Thanks Kat of New Orleans

(25)
Mordecai Drucker,
August 22, 2006 12:00 AM

USA experience is different

Although your article was intellectually honest, it does not represent the American mentality. The USA has one of the highest percents of believers (Jewish/non-Jewish) in the western world. Almost any Jewish youth who attends public school will become friends with religious Christian youth. The Christian child will explain his/her belief system, and the Jewish child will have to explain his/her beliefs as well. A child with 2 Jewish parents will almost always be taught that Jews believe in one G-d, as opposed to the Christian trinity, etc. The encounter with Christian youth will reinforce this concept. As a result, even if the child has no formal Jewish education, he/she will usually understand well, if not believe in, the Jewish G-d. This is the American Jewish experience.

(24)
J,
August 22, 2006 12:00 AM

Great!

Great piece.

(23)
Sima Shain,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Nice Article!

I enjoyed your article and then realized that we have the same last name. Are you perhaps related to the Shains originally from Mohilev in White Russia? Please write me at 9 Stetner St.Spring Valley, NY 10977

(22)
Patty Crofts,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Informative and Inspirational

Thank you for this tender article. It was very heartwarming to see that a young person was introduced to God and God was important in their life to obey him.

(21)
Binnie Stein,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Small positive steps can lead to positive gains without severe stress.

Excellent. It confirmed my believe that small steps can lead to a proper positive change. I enjoyed it. Yashar Koach to the writer. Binnie Stein

(20)
Joanne,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Very helpful article

I am presently studying to convert to Judism and I found this article very helpful--as I do not have the "blood" or tradition, but I have heard the call from G-d to return to the "source" -- Judism. Many blessings on the author, and this wonderful website which helps me daily to read and pray and to understand.

(19)
HANNA WINTER,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

I RED WITH GREAT INTERES THIS FEATUR AND I`D BE VERUY INTERESTININ RECEIVING OTHERS TOO. VERY THANKFULLY HANNA WINTER

(18)
Abner ben Y'hudah,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

We are not alone!

It's so refreshing to know there are people out there who just aren't satisfied with 'dead' traditions, not that traditions are necessarily bad, but when these lack the most important element - a relationship with HaShem- they are somewhat just empty 'procedures'.

(17)
Mark Helms,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

On My Bacon Awakening

I thought this was a very insightful article that could be used as a rule in all religions.

(16)
Chana Rochl,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Resounds - somewhere deep inside!

Having grown up in the States (State of Confusion, State of Ambivilance, State of Denial...!) I was surrounded by fellow Jews who were "just not as religious as me/us" and I/we would look down-the-nose on them, even subtly.Then, life took one of those turns you don't foresee, and "being observant" became less and less important to me and just surviving was the point. Then, one day it struck me: G-d's Law is given for my BENEFIT...not to make my life miserable or to keep me from the things that were Good. The Blessing of acting on G-d's instruction so overshadows the "fun" or "ease" of ignoring them and "just being like everybody else" that, just as the rabbi said in his lecture, find one step you can stick to. I have done that, and then another. Before I knew it, I was back on the road. My heart was stronger and comforted and I will never look down my nose again. I know I was the subject of much down-the-nose glaring...and it hurts so much; so subtly.Thank you, Malka, for putting this important lesson into such lovely words that I can share with my friends and family. I know it will help to heal the (Jewish) world.

(15)
Rob van Dijk, Amsterdam, Netherlands,
August 21, 2006 12:00 AM

Bless the kind wisdom of the lecturing Rabbi, non-judgemental and so lifting 'under'standing to the righteous 'over'standing

(14)
Anonymous,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Sabbath Violators

I agree with Malka. If the speed limit is 25 mph, is there a difference betweeen driving at 27 mph and driving 75 mph? Of course, even though both exceed the speed limit. So it should be in Judaism, especially with Kashruth

(13)
sheila kay,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Excellent intro to why be Jewish!

Now I have a easy way to bring up the subject of ways to increase Jewish practices and not feel like a fraud.Thank you . I plan to share it with others.

(12)
Shoshana,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Wow

One word: Wow!I had goosepums reading this story.I made teshuva myself, but I suppose I had it easier, concerning kashrut at least, since we ate organic at home, and mostly fish and cheese, as far as I can remember. Well, we had to learn that all cheeses aren´t ok either, since some of them contain a blood preservative, or something like that, but we were already "trained" to say "no, thank you, I don´t eat that".Thank G-d for those speakers that find the right words which wil eventually struck a cord and wake up a jewsih soul.Thanks for your testimony. And welcome home...

(11)
Michele,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Beautiful

Tell me more...

(10)
Folke Holtz,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

The very glad news

Very good article which will make more Jews to star a happy journey of teshuvah and in this a Torahlife.This makes me want to take steps to a more observant life.

(9)
MICHAEL BERKES,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Malka Shain: Your Rabbi was only half-right...

My great-grandfather and his forefathers were Rabbis in Old Bohemia. When my father left for Yeshiva in Frankfurt at 15, he visited his grandfather and asked "what is the absolute minimum a Jew must do to remain one?" A: "Recite the Shema once every day". That one daily step will take you a lot closer to the Un-nameable One than anything you eat, or refrain from eating!

(8)
ARQ. ENGRONIAT,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

magnifica ensenianza!!

I am not a Jewish...but I can tell tou that this part of Miss Martha Shain was very healpfull to me...""Find something small you know you can stick to. And once you've got that step nailed, make sure you take another step. Every movement toward God is precious growth."And for that, I give her "a standing ovation"Thank you very much ¡¡¡for such a profound thought!!!Arq. Enrique EngroñatTampico Mexico

(7)
Francis E. Jeffery,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Hypocrisy does not have religious bounds.

I am using this in my adult discussion class in an inter-faith community.Well done. Replace Christian with Jew and you have the same well played tune.

(6)
sarah,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

verry nice stiry

(5)
Adrian,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Truth

What an impact simple renderings of our lives can have. Thank you

(4)
Bern Dorfman,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Thought provoking - so true - strive to be a better Jewess

As Above

(3)
luther,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

my bacon awakening

oh the things i have learned from aish.com. the lives of others are a beacon to mis-guided people like myself. thank you for sharing these stories

(2)
Steven Kalka,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Re: My Bacon Awakening

Prawns are a higher class of traif than bacon. (joke)

(1)
Anonymous,
August 20, 2006 12:00 AM

extremely interesting views;hit home,nonpracticing Jew

I,too, am a Jew in name. Have not followed thru in religiou beliefs, but have strong attachments to the Hebrew people and had a Zionist in our early family and a granddaughter now in Israel.Would like, at this late stage in life to become better Jew.

I want to know about the concept of "sin" due to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge. The Christian concept of sin revolves around the fall of the man and the "original sin." Does Judaism view it the same way?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Adam and Eve were punished according to their actions. In other words, God laid down the conditions for Adam and Eve to live in the garden, provided they would not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. However, if they were to eat from that tree they would be punished by experiencing death. (If they had not eaten from the tree, they would have remained immortal.)

This sets down the basic principle in Judaism of Reward and Punishment. Basic to this is that every person has the choice of doing good or bad. When a person chooses "good" – as defined by God – he is able to draw close to God. In other words, every individual has a chance to "gain salvation" through his own actions.

My understanding of Christianity, however, is that the Original Sin has infected all of mankind to the point where individuals are incapable of achieving salvation through their own initiative. Man is "totally depraved" and therefore his only hope of salvation is through the cross.

This belief is contrary to the teachings of Judaism. From the Torah perspective, an individual does not need to rely on anyone else to atone for them. In Judaism, sins can be "erased" altogether by sincere repentance and a firm resolution never to repeat the mistakes.

For more on this, read "Their Hollow Inheritances" by Michael Drazin – www.drazin.com

Yahrtzeit of Moses in 1273 BCE (Jewish year 2488), on the same day of his birth 120 years earlier. (Consequently, "May you live to 120" has become a common Jewish blessing.) Moses was born in Egypt at a time when Pharaoh had decreed that all Jewish baby boys be drowned in the Nile River. His mother set him afloat in a reed basket, where he was -- most ironically -- discovered by Pharaoh's daughter and brought to Pharaoh's palace to be raised. When Moses matured, his heart turned to aid the Jewish people; he killed an Egyptian who was beating a Jew, and he fled to Midian where he married and had two sons. God spoke to Moses at the Burning Bush, instructing him to return to Egypt and persuade Pharaoh to "let My people go." Moses led the Jews through the ten plagues, the Exodus, and the splitting of the Red Sea. Seven weeks later, the Jews arrived at Mount Sinai and received the Torah, the only time in human history that an entire nation experienced Divine revelation. Over the next 40 years, Moses led the Jews through wanderings in the desert, and supervised construction of the Tabernacle. Moses died before being allowed to enter the promised Land of Israel. He is regarded as the greatest prophet of all time.

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

[Just before Moses' death] God said to him, "This is the Land that I promised to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob" (Deuteronomy 34:4).

The Midrash says that Moses pleaded to live long enough to be able to enter the Promised Land. He surrendered his soul only after God instructed him to enter Heaven and inform the Patriarchs that the Israelites had come to their Land and that God had indeed fulfilled His promise to give the Land of Israel to their descendants. To fulfill God's will was dearer to Moses than his craving to enter the Land.

It is only natural to cling to life, and the thought of leaving this world is depressing. However, if a person develops the attitude that he lives only in order to fulfill God's will, then life and death are no longer polar opposites, because he lives to do the will of God, and when that will requires that he leave this world, he will be equally obedient.

The seventh day of Adar is the anniversary of Moses' death. He wanted to enter the Promised Land so that he could fulfill the commandments and thereby have a new opportunity to fulfill the Divine wish. He surrendered his soul willingly when he was told that there was a special commandment for him to perform, one that could only be achieved after leaving this earth.

We refer to Moses as Rabbeinu, our teacher. He not only taught us didactically, but by means of everything he did in his life - and by his death, as well.

Today I shall...

try to dedicate my life to fulfilling the will of God, so that even when that will contradicts my personal desires, I can accept it with serenity.

With stories and insights,
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