Finding Your Why – How Mindfulness Can Help

By Christopher Joseph

Many of us now live what are often very busy lives in the frantic world we now find ourselves in, and as such we are often subject to constant distractions. As T. S. Eliot put it: we are “Distracted from distraction by distraction”.

Our attention can often feel pulled in many different directions as a result of living lives in the ‘fast lane’, and as such we can often lose sight of our why – why we’re actually doing the thing we’re doing!

But why is knowing ‘our why’ important?

When we are in touch with our reasons for doing something we have clarity of purpose, and there is greater alignment between our actions and our values, and as such we often feel less internal conflict, we are far more at ease and our energy and motivation for living can increase significantly. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we become less busy, but it does mean that we usually expend less energy since we are swimming with the flow rather than against it.

Simon Sinek in his TED talk ‘Start With Why’ and in his book of the same title talks about the ‘Why, How, What’ golden circle (see picture). He talks about how companies and organisations often get lost in focusing on ‘What’ they do and sometimes ‘How’ they do it and as a result lose touch with the actual reason for being in business in the first place – i.e. their ‘Why’. He highlights the fact that most companies work from the outside in rather than starting with their why and working from the inside out.

Whilst Simon presents the golden circle model primarily in respect to companies and organisations, it equally applies, in my opinion, to us as individuals in respect to the things we do. When undertaking any new venture in life I believe it’s important that we start with our why.

The mission statement of Breathworks, in its succinct form, is to relieve mental and physical suffering in this world. This is also my reason, my ‘Why’, for doing the work that I do.

It might sound a little grandiose but I have no illusions about suddenly waving a magic wand and solving the world’s ills! However, in beginning any one to one session, group course or entering any workplace to teach mindfulness I try and remember why I’m doing it – to help people develop their own mindfulness skills so that they can live their lives with more ease and less suffering.

Wherever possible I always try and start with my why, and when I forget it, as I invariable do sometimes, and get caught in the detail of ‘What’ I’m teaching or ‘How’ I’m teaching it, I try and return to the centre of my circle, as Simon Sinek portrays it.

So what is your ‘Why’?

This is a common question that often comes up in coaching sessions, and it can be a difficult one for people to answer. When we’re busy, and have little time to reflect, we can so easily lose touch with our why, with our original motivation for doing things.

We may forget that we may be doing the job that we’re doing to support our family, or we may forget that the volunteer work that we may be doing is to support and improve our community. We may forget that the personal exercise we undertake, sometimes begrudgingly, is to support ourselves physically, and we may forget that the purpose of our meditation practice is to support and nourish ourselves mentally and emotionally.

So, how can mindfulness help us in finding our ‘Why’?

If we take a glass of cloudy, muddy water and allow it to be still, without agitating it further, then the sediment will settle with time and the water will gradually become clearer and clearer (see pictures). This is a useful analogy for what can happen in our own minds when we meditate. Over time we can gain increased clarity on many things including our thoughts and emotions, our life situation and useful insights into the nature of our personality and what makes us tick – ‘Why’ we do the things we do.

These insights into the personal nature of our character and the traits and habits we have are not always easy to digest of course! The fifth step of the ‘Breathworks 5-Step Process of Mindfulness’ is choice, and in my personal experience, however, in the long run it’s always better to make choices and decisions from a position of awareness than unawareness. When I meditate, and thus provide the conditions for the ‘cloud of thoughts’ in my own mind to settle, as the mud settles in the water, then I can obtain a greater clarity of mind – I can see things more clearly. As a result I’m more able to connect with the deeper driving forces within me, with my core values, with my ‘Why’.

Every time, however, I let myself become distracted from the richness of my present moment experience to ruminative thoughts about the past or worries about the future I am in effect shaking the glass, and thus muddying the water. It’s no wonder therefore that through constant busyness and distraction we lose this clarity of mind, and become increasingly out of touch with our ‘Why’s’ – our reasons for doing the things we do.

So, how often do we let the glass settle? And, how can we let it settle a little bit more?

For me, personally, the answer has been through undertaking a regular mindfulness meditation practice, and also by allocating a space for personal reflection outside of my meditation practice.

Through undertaking regular meditation over a period of time it is possible to obtain greater clarity on all aspects of our mind, including the core values that drive us. When we couple this with a space for personal reflection we can enact choice and thus hopefully make better decisions about which actions to undertake in the future. In doing so we can live a life where our actions are more in line with our core values, a life that is a little easier, a little simpler and a lot richer and more pleasurable to live.

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Chris is an excellent mindfulness trainer. His teaching, which is borne out of life experience, has a delightful quality of being clear and accessible whilst being delivered with warmth and humour. He is a gifted communicator with a calm and reassuring presence who has helped many people through his work.

Vidyamala Burch, founder of Breathworks and author of 'Living Well with Pain and Illness', ‘Mindfulness for Health’ and 'Mindfulness for Women'.

From the Breathworks course I feel that I have gained more self awareness, skills to cope better, and reassurance that it”s not just me who feels like I do! Chris has been a great trainer. He has been using innovative ways to help us remember key points such as the water tanks for the ”bigger container” and cushions for ”primary and secondary” suffering – they really did help… Thank you very much. I think I will take what I have learnt with me for the rest of my life.

This course has given me tools to deal with depression and has raised the importance of my well being. It has enabled me to find perspective and to pace my life in such a way that I don”t fall apart. Chris was excellent. He was empathetic, concise, funny, interesting, and could explain the different aspects of the course very well. He clearly knows his stuff and I”d like to attend more courses to improve my knowledge. He was also available at the end of the telephone or e-mail if need be… Thank you.

On this course I have learnt techniques for being mindful in everyday life, such as mindful communication, and I am better able to respond now to certain circumstances, rather than react! I also found it very beneficial to be able to speak to others on the course. Chris is a very effective communicator, and I found the practical examples he gave to be extremely useful. He had a very calming influence on the group and he made me feel comfortable, and I felt as if I could mention as much or as little as I wanted too… Very good course, and I would recommend it to anyone wanting to spend some time with (and on) themselves!

Through the Breathworks course I”ve recognised the benefit to my overall mood of stopping and giving my brain a chance to rest, reflect and be calm. Chris communicated the material really well – he organised the sessions to cover all the material while remaining relaxed and open to discussion. I thought Chris paced the course well, and broke it up into clear sections, with a clear theme to each section, with images and role play to leave a memorable impression. Thanks – I”ve really enjoyed the course… It’s made a difference to me.

I feel more calm on a day to day basis as a result of practicing the techniques from the Breathworks course in everyday life. Chris is a very calm and easy going trainer. He delivers the material well and explains things carefully. I decided to enrol on the course following a recommendation during a CBT session, and I feel the two work well together.

Breathworks has given me a chance to put into practice, discuss and report back on methods that have helped me feel calmer and cope with anxiety. The routine of the programme has pushed me into practicing these methods regularly which will all round be beneficial to me. The material was explained well and methods were recalled on throughout the weeks. Individuals were given time and chance to speak without feeling pushed and Chris made it a comfortable environment in which to practice in… A successful course! Thank you.

The Breathworks course has given me positive and constructive ”tools” for life and new ways of seeing the world. Chris was a super tutor. He made me feel involved and welcome even before the course began. He gave excellent and really thoughtful explanations and obviously really cared about what happened on and through the course… I have already recommended the course to others.

The course was well structured and fun… I have learnt to take some time out for myself. The CD’s are really good for helping with the home practice. Chris was very good at recapping from the previous week, jogging the memory and then building on that information. He made us all feel at ease which enabled us to talk quite openly.

The Breathworks programme has given me an awareness of my body, my pain and the world. I feel that I can now respond differently to my pain. I already feel great benefits now, and I believe that with ongoing practice my life will be greatly improved. Chris is an excellent trainer. He communicated brilliantly. His understanding of mindfulness and the course was outstanding, and I felt that I could trust him with any concerns I had during the course.

The course has given me better tools to facilitate a more serene lifestyle, building my awareness, and learning to make time for me. I feel I have gained a broader perspective on things. I enjoyed Chris’ subtle yet effective methods of demonstrating key points of the course. He showed a lot of patience and fully supported my progress.

I feel that I’ve got a sense of balance, perspective and an awareness of being a ”bigger container” from the Breathworks course. Chris communicated creatively with humour, confidence and humility… The course was most enjoyable.