‘Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me anymore?’

Sam and Rachel are both on the line. Sam says they’re both working hard, late nights and early mornings, and things just aren’t the way they used to be. He says they hardly ever have sex, and when we do, there’s no more spark. Rachel can’t believe what Sam just revealed, and hangs up…

My Advice:

Sam, the fact that Rachel just hung up isn’t a great sign, but it could be simply another symptom of being exhausted. Stress and exhaustion can certainly send sex to the back burner of a relationship. But it should be only a temporary thing.

It’s not healthy for either of you to continuously burn the candle at both ends—and it’s also not healthy to never have sex. Having a good sex life is one of the most important things in a quality relationship, especially in young couples.

You need to ask yourself if there’s something more than just exhaustion going on here. We all like to have sex when we’re enjoying it. So if you’re not having sex there may be bigger issues than fatigue going on.

You need to ask her directly: What can I do that would make you enjoy having sex more? Do not keep this a secret and keep things bottled up. Because then she’ll go ballistic on you like what just happened. I guarantee you that if she tells you exactly what she wants from you, then you two will end up having better sex.

Another thing: sounds like you two could do a better job communicating. You’re not communicating about how your job schedule is affecting both of you, and you’re definitely not communicating about sex.

Your first step needs to be to talk with her. Start off by saying I love you, and that you’d like to have more sex. What can you start doing as a team in order to get things working again? And remember, it’s not what happens in the bedroom that affects your sex life, it’s everything that happens outside the bedroom.

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