Chapter 5: Experimenting

Killian unlocked the door silently, tiptoeing inside so as not to wake his girlfriend. He was very, VERY late…and she’d been having trouble sleeping lately

So he wasn’t surprised to find her on the couch; the small lamp on the side table shining down on the book open in her lap.

His cock jumped at the sight of her tongue poking out from between her perfectly pink lips as her eyes scanned the pages. Her thighs rubbed together through her thin cotton pants and his eyebrow raised. He smirked as he toed off his boots quietly.

The pirate padded over in his socked feet, leaning carefully over her shoulder trying to read exactly what had her so worked up.

A few moments passed as his eyes scanned the page lighting on ‘vampire‘, ‘commanding‘, ‘erotic‘ and-much to his surprise ‘hairless, muscled body‘, followed by a graphic description of something that actually sounded quite stressful on the joints.

“So, this is what you do when I’m not here, eh Swan?”

Her answering shriek and slight leap into the air had him in stitches and he clutched his side as he laughed.

With an indignant huff, she stood and tossed the book on the coffee table, her arms crossed over her chest.

“What?? I like to read.”

Her pout made him laugh even harder as he rounded the sofa, pulling her gently into his arms as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Aye, love. But I just didn’t know your genre of choice was…what was it David explained to me last week?…pornography?”

She yanked herself out of his grip and punched him in the arm as he doubled over in another fit of laughter. Stalking out of the room, he heard her muffled cursing as she stomped up the stairs. Killian decided to get a bite to eat, maybe kill some time watching the moving-picture-box for a while…just to give her time to calm down.

x . x . x . x . x

“What the hell are you reading?”

The she-wolf’s voice carried over the diner and Killian’s head shot up, tucking the book under the table quickly.

“Nothing. Uh-not…uh-just…nothing, lass.”

Smirking, Ruby dropped the plate in front of him and leaned casually on the table as Killian’s eyes lit up at the sight of food.

“Ugh.” She scoffed playfully as he dug in with gusto. “All you men are the same. Put some grub in front of you and it’s pitifully easy.”

“Pitifully easy to what?” His cheeks puffed as he shoveled what looked like a third bite into his already stuffed mouth.

“To do this.”

And with a dawning horror, Killian realized that Rubby held the book. THE book that he’d swiped from Emma’s nightstand that morning after she’d left for work.

“No!” He nearly choked as he tried to swallow the partially masticated food in his mouth. Once he succeeded, he reached a hand frantically out for the offending piece of literature. “Give that back Red! I just-I need-”

Smirking with success, he swiped the book away from her as she doubled over in laughter. “What the hell are you doing reading THAT? That’s just-it’s like…it’s like softcore porn…gone wrong….with vampires!!!”

Killian’s face twisted into a grimace as he huffed back into the booth.

“I was just-doing a little…research, is all.” He glanced around surreptitiously, noting that Grumpy was the only other patron at the moment. “Listen Red, can I ask you a question? About females in this realm.”

Ruby smiled as she leaned down, getting her face as close to Killian’s as she could. “Of course. What’s up?”

“Do women here prefer their men to be…uh-clean?” Her eyebrow raised slightly at his words.

“Uh, yes. We definitely prefer the clean ones. So uh-yeah…make sure you shower and all that…” She rolled her eyes as she turned away, only to be stopped by the metal appendage he wore.

Grumpy huffed as he threw some bills onto the counter and hurriedly scampered out of the eatery, grumbling about ‘nothing being sacred anymore’ as Ruby continued to laugh at the bright red face of the pirate in front of her.

“Oh wow-oh God…ahhhh yeah. Well-” She took a deep breath, steadying herself on the table as she wobbled in her sky high heels. “Yeah, well some women prefer their men to be bare and some don’t. If Emma hasn’t said anything then I wouldn’t worry too much.” She gave him what was probably supposed to be a comforting pat on the shoulder before she picked up her tray and walked back toward the kitchen.

Killian’s nose wrinkled as he settled back into the supremely uncomfortable bench of the booth. Would Swan actually say something? Or would her insecurities, many of which he was completely exasperated with and trying to overcome, keep her from making a request?

Shaking his head slightly, he shoved the tatty paperback into the deep pocket of his newest wool coat slung over the bench beside him. As Ruby waltzed back into the dining room, he lifted his glass of water in a silent toast, nodding his thanks as he began shoveling his lunch into his mouth.

With a disgusted sigh, Ruby turned away just in time to miss his triumphant grin.

x . x . x . x . x

Emma trudged up the steps, bone tired and wanting nothing more than to draw a nice hot bath and tempt Killian to join her.

She tugged her keys out of her pocket, sighing in frustration when they dropped to the floor through her aching fingers. Bending stiffly to pick them up, she jammed the offending pieces of metal into the lock and pushed the door open silently.

Toeing her boots off, she shucked her jacket on the chair set up near the front door. She pulled off her beanie and hopped around as she tugged her socks off.

Then she stopped as her ears pricked at a curious sloshing noise. Her nose wrinkled as she crept quietly up the stairs and down the hall to the bathroom. She jumped when she heard a muffled “Bloody fucking hell!” and a sharp hiss of pain from behind the closed door.

She reached for her gun, only to be disappointed when she remembered that she stopped wearing it since there was next to no crime in Storybrooke-unless chaos was breaking out everywhere. But it’d been quiet for a long time and she never had a need for it.

She dropped into a fighting stance, ready to kick whoever’s ass was hurting her pirate.

And then she threw her weight onto the door, which busted inward surprisingly easily.

“Bloody fuck, Swan! What the hell was THAT for?!?”

Emma shook the slight stars from her eyes as she focused on the interior of the bathroom-only to double over in hysterical laughter as Killian’s face bloomed into a deep scarlet.

“I-I heard…I heard you curse and–fucking hell what are you DOING?!” Emma braced her hands on her knees as she fought to get oxygen into her lungs. Her laughter didn’t seem to want to abate though and she ended up sliding down the wall, sitting on the floor with her head thrown back in mirth.

“Very funny, lass. I was-experimenting.”

“Experimenting?!? WHY?”

Killian dropped the razor he’d been holding, glaring at his girlfriend as she continued to laugh, tears dropping to the tile floor as she gasped for breath. Emma’s eyes swept over him, straddling the lip of the tub with shaving cream absolutely everywhere. His chest hair was gone and she almost teared up for a completely different reason. His legs were smoother than hers and his left arm was smooth. His right arm was…well-it looked like it’d been attacked by a weed eater, patchy in a few small places but otherwise still hairy as usual.

And then there was the source of his muttered curses…his groin was covered in a fine layer of shaving cream and little spots of red were bleeding through where he’d cut himself.

“Why-why are you….hang on!” She hacked through her laughter, trying to catch her breath. “Okay, so um…why exactly are you…experimenting?”

He shot her a glare as he picked up the razor again, twisting his torso in a way that made Emma’s eyes nearly bulge with the effort of containing even more laughter.

“Well, you were becoming all aflutter from that book and when I asked Ruby about it, she mentioned some women liked their men bare. And since you seemed to be excited by that drivel I thought maybe you were too shy to say anything about it.”

His face burned with a blush as he tried to resume his task.

“Killian, I never even gave it a thought. I love your body hair…wow that’s a sentence I never thought I’d say…but yeah. I love twisting my fingers in your chest hair when we’re making love. I like when your bare thigh rubs against mine and I get that slight scratchy feeling…”

His head fell and he dropped the razor once again. “Oh thank the bloody Gods! This is impossible!” He stood quickly and Emma barked out another laugh.

“Oh dear Lord, PLEASE! Never ever do that again! You look…you look-” She choked on another laugh as he put his hand and hook on his hips.

“I look like a prepubescent twit, is what I look like! And now my bollocks are itchy…” He shifted slightly, his nose scrunched as he fidgeted.

Emma stifled the laughter that was trying valiantly to leave her mouth as she shuffled her way slowly to her pirate. “Yeah, this-” She waved her hand up and down his body, “-really isn’t working for me. Please, please, PLEASE never do this again.”

Sighing in relief, Killian nodded, his cheeks glowing slightly. “Aye lass. I am NEVER doing this again. I much prefer my natural state.”

“As do I. Now…” Emma leaned forward, turning the taps to fill the tub. “Why don’t you and I relax in a hot bath? I’ve had a long, hard day…”

She punctuated her statement by stripping slowly out of her shirt, smirking at the flare of lust in his cerulean eyes.

She unbuttoned her jeans, shimmying them down her legs as she bent from the waist. His reaction was distinctly noticeable, although she had to stifle the laughter at the hairlessness that was there now. He groaned as she swayed her hips, her tiny thong dropping to the floor as she made to step into the bathtub.

“You better relax good pirate. Cause the stubble is gonna be a bitch!”