Sunday, February 12, 2012

I'm finding my way back....

I started this blog so I could rant, and complain and justify my anger. Then you know what happened? As I typed certain things, I found myself hitting the delete button. I thought if I read this I would just see a complaining, whining bitch! Is that really who I am? Is that who I want to be? Is that who I want my children to see? Or to be like? Honestly it all started about a year ago when my oldest was graduating HS. Suddenly everything was changing. She was saying and doing things I never thought she would. I was left feeling like why did I bother all those years training her, talking to her, guiding her, trying to protect her from bad things, bad people etc. letting go has been the hardest thing in my life so far. Even now I struggle constantly with guilt. Was it me? Am I just not a good enough mother? Did I set a bad example? And so on and so on. Now some time has passed I still have a house full of children who need a mother. One who cares for them, loves them, makes a nice home for them. Listens to them, who needs to be here for them, really be here you know? So now I am finding my way back. Trying to focus on what's important. What I feel I've been called to do with my life. Who ever said being a wife and mother was going to be easy? How could I be so foolish as to ever think so?