I was furious. No, more than furious. I was enraged, infuriated, incensed. It wasn?t fair, it wasn?t right. I could feel my blood boiling as I trudged out of Wedge?s office, my temper threatening to let itself loose. I didn?t bother to try calming myself through whatever Jedi techniques I?d been taught through the years; I knew they wouldn?t work, and I didn?t have the patience at the given moment to even try.

The only thing that I really made an effort to do was to stop the tears that had already begun to flow. They were tears of rage more than anything else, and I swallowed hard in a futile effort to tamp them down. My head felt heavy, my muscles tight?and with every step I took, it seemed as if the feeling only worsened.

I was too occupied to notice the footsteps following mine, until a familiar voice startled me from behind.

?Jaina, wait,? I heard him say, and half a moment later he laid a strong hand on my shoulder to stop me. My head kept screaming to keep going, to ignore him, but the rest of my body defied me and I slowed, eventually coming to a rest at the corner of the passageway.

The one thing I did do right was refusing to look at him. I didn?t want him to see me like this. I?m sure I looked like a child in the middle of a tantrum just then. And besides the vanity, I was also angry at him. After all, it was to him I had to relinquish my command to, and I hated the idea, regardless of how ?temporary? the assignment was.

?Go away,? I said, many times weaker than I hoped I would. I wasn?t sobbing or anything, but I was absolutely certain that he could see right through whatever fake strength I tried to put in my voice, in my demeanor.

?I?m not going anywhere, Jaina. Not until we straighten this out.?

That was when I looked at him square in the eye. ??Straighten?? Straighten what out, Kyp? My squadron is yours now. Be happy and leave me alone.?

?This isn?t going to get you anywhere, and you know that.? His tone, very opposite from my angry one, was even and tempered. ?Let?s go talk to Wedge about this.?

?There?s nothing to talk about!? I practically yelled at him. ?I?ve worked my guts out to get where I am, and this is what they do to me! The least they could?ve done was tell me how long I?m out of a job, but no. They couldn?t even spare me an ounce of respect.?

?You?re not out of a job, you haven?t lost your rank. This is a simple matter of pride, and you?re not going to gain anything out of it.? He took me by the shoulders and gave me a mild shake. He didn?t scream back at me, or give me an evil eye, or anything at all. His voice was still as gentle as mine was brutal. ?Snap out of it. As long as I?m in charge of you, I?m not going to let you do this to yourself.?

That was when I lost it.

?In charge? Who do you think you are? My parents? Uncle Luke?? I ripped myself away from his grasp. ?I?m never in charge, am I? There?s always got be someone watching over me, someone deciding my every move. I?m sick of it! I?m sick of this place, this assignment, stuck in the middle of nowhere. I?m sick of you trying to look after me!?

I knew I was crying then. I was crying because I knew what I had just done. I knew that I had probably just hurt the one person I loved more than anything else in existence with words that I didn?t even mean. I watched him as he just looked at me, his feelings unreadable, his gaze inscrutable. I wanted to scream my apologies, that I never wanted to say what I had just said, but the words never came. My pride, my stupid, foolish, selfish pride, didn?t let me.

The truth was, I wasn?t sick of him. I wanted him there, always there. No matter how I acted I had always appreciated him just watching my back, guiding me. He always turned out right in the end. And yet I never really thanked him for it.

He was silent for a little while, and I turned away, staring to walk towards my quarters again. With every step I took, I just wished the floor below would just open up and swallow me.