According to the New York Post, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are having a boy. They are planning to name him Mortimer, after Steven Spielberg, who will be the child’s godfather (she calls him Uncle Morty). The Post joked that the baby might have been called Orange, but since it’s a boy, shouldn’t he be called Banana?

RACIST LOCAL NEWS TEAM: Something tells me the motivation behind this "hilarious" news segment had nothing to do with Leprechauns. (YouTube)

LESSON: Being on Flavor of Love, calling oneself "Pumpkin" and
spitting in the face of another contestant apparently deems one
unsuitable for substitue teaching in California public schools. Who
knew? (SJ Mercury News)

Today the New York Times declared THE BEARD IS BACK. While we don’t think it ever went away, we are thrilled to see everyone from males models to celebrities sporting the fisherman-chic ‘do. But while aged-to-perfection manly men like Michael Douglas and George Clooney can carry a big bushy barrel o’ beard, other celebrities can’t even sprout a sprig of facial hair. But thanks to our Michael Douglas’s Beard Photoshop contest, you can see what your favorite hairless stars would like if they had the fierce testosterone of the Basic Instinct star.

Grab a Michael Douglas beard after the jump put it on anyone you think could use it.

Our action news comedian Paul Scheer returns with more SXSW Music Festival coverage, this time using his street team skills to get to the bottom of some very important issues with indie rock darlings We Are Scientists, The Go! Team and Tapes ‘N Tapes!

When I heard about P. Diddy’s show Celebrity Cooking Showdown, I had my doubts. I mean, he was a great record producer, but what does he know about a cooking show? Well, my concerns were unfounded. Savvy guy that he is, Diddy turned to a true pro to host the show. I’m talking about Jason Seaver himself, Alan Thicke. And checkout this list of participants: Naomi Campbell, Tom Arnold, Ja Rule, Gabrielle Reese, and the incomparable Ashley Parker Angel. I don’t know about you, but I’ve already got my P. Diddy oven mit on!

This has been an awesome week for Michael Douglas, the intensely private movie star who’s been out of the limelight for some time. First he partnered with Hilton to give his Bermuda hotel a $100 million makeover. And earler today, a blind item hinted that he may be getting a little extra-marital loving from Mullholland Drive bombshell Laura Elena Harring. But honestly, the debut of Douglas’ lustrous multi-tonal beard alone is reason enough to have the Best Week Ever.

This season of The Sopranos seems to be about leaving viewers in the dark. Episode one gave us the Malanga Mystery: What did Uncle Junior say when he shot Tony? And this Sunday’s episode was bewildering on a number of levels. By now, you’ve probably figured out all the symbolism in Tony’s coma dream, but there is one nagging question left: Who provided the voice of Tony’s wife when he called home? There have been lots of guesses, Charmaine Bucco (Kathrine Narducci), Adrianna (Drea de Matteo), Gloria Trillo (Annabella Sciorra), or maybe Carmela with a different voice. But HBO won’t tell other than saying that they cast a woman specifically for the role and that she wasn’t famous enough to be familiar with viewers. But if that’s so, why won’t they tell us who she is? Will we see her in the next episode? I noticed that Dr. Melfi isn’t on this list, so could it have been her and the producers are just lying? I don’t mean to break anyone’s balls, but this question is giving me serious agita.