Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses Brawl Trying to Get to Refugees First

MONTREAL — An unbrotherly brawl broke out at Pierre Elliot Trudeau Airport this afternoon as two religious groups punched, elbowed, and hair-pulled each other trying to get a minute of a refugee family’s time.

Montreal Police Service (Service de police de la Ville de Montréal) officers told the Gazette that 7 people were treated at the scene for minor injuries. Paramedics said that one man had a handful of teeth knocked out by a flung copy of The Book of Mormon and a woman was treated for dizziness after being struck on the head by a briefcase full of Watchtower magazines.

“It appears that a group of young Mormon missionaries sprinted up to the international arrivals gate and found that a group of Jehovah’s Witnesses had already claimed the best spots for converting refugees…sorry, the best greeting areas,” said Staff Sergeant Sanju Singh.

“Words were exchanged followed by some shoving and jostling before all hell…several fights broke out.”

The young refugee family reportedly shielded their children’s ears from “rude swear words” shouted by both groups before the father, mother, and two daughters were whisked away from the fighting by volunteers.

Singh said charges are pending against four Mormons and two Jehovah’s Witnesses, including one found in possession of marijuana.

“I’ve never seen church people duke it out before,” bystander Guy Nault told CTV.

“I’d a bet on all those young Mormon guys but man they got their wholesome butts handed to them by those old Jehovahs. Hilarious.”

“That refugee family must be thinking, man, these Canadians are some kinda strange people.”

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