On Sunday, Nov. 5, local police have stated the suspects attacked and wounded local atheist Devin Kelley near the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. When the victim attempted to flee by driving away, a witness has reported the two assailants “got into a truck and gave chase to finish the job.”

It appears the victim died later in his vehicle and a vigil has been proposed by the local chapter of Atheist Lives Matter. A spokesperson for the Southern Poverty Law Center immediately labelled the attack a hate crime and added the First Baptist Church and the maker of the pursuit vehicle – Ford Motor Company – to its extensive list of hate groups. The victim was only 26 years old and a military veteran.

Sheriffs believe Willeford used a hunting rifle to shoot the victim, who was wearing body armor and black military-style tactical gear at the time of the attack. CNN’s Jim Acosta reported that the victim’s unusual choice of wardrobe was probably because “the victim was near a Baptist Church in Texas – he was afraid for his life from gun-toting, Bible-thumping right-wingers.” An MSNBC report also suggests the victim was armed with an AR-15 rifle, 2 handguns, and explosives for this same reason.

Witnesses are being sought to aid in putting together the exact timeline in the attack. A local law enforcement representative familiar with the investigation stated that, due to an earlier incident, most witnesses closest to the shooting were either dead or incapacitated and “haven’t been very helpful to our ongoing investigation of Kelley’s murderers.”
– Reporting by Gazelle Gazette

EDITORS NOTE: This political satire by Panem Et Circensesoriginally appeared on The Peoples Cube.