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Monday, August 15, 2016

The darkness
seemed to clear, my head started to pound and the body ached like someone had
pulled me through a clothes wringer machine. Looking around, I see that I am in
a dimly lit room with white florescent light lining the ceiling .

Looking out
the solitary window, all I see are stars and a lonely moon travelling across
the sky. I rubbed my head wishing the awful splitting headache away. My legs
are weak as if all the energy had been drained out of my system. As the
pounding headache and body aches disappear, I look around and see a man sitting
across from me and another man leaning against the far wall. I start to inquire
why I am being interrogated and what I am being charged for.

“Hello. I am
Detective Sam and that’s Detective Ryan. It seems like you have regained your
senses. I need you to explain to me once again what you were doing at the
tavern.” Asked the investigating officer as he flashed me his badge..

I started to
gentle massage my forehead to get rid of hangover induced headache. A glass of
water and a bottle of Asprin appeared before me. As the headache receded,
memories rushed back and I remembered the turn of events that led to this.

All I was
doing was sitting on a garden chair while listening to one of my relatives
telling me the importance of getting married as early as possible to any woman
in town even if she is a total stranger and having a few dozen kids. I was
getting bored listening to my aunts babble which went on and on.

My attention
started to wander around and I noticed a girl wearing a knee length one piece
skirt and pocket watch emerge from one of the hedges located near me. Seeing
that she had caught my attention she muttered “My names is Alice. Have you seen
a rabbit anywhere? Harvey wanted to go on an adventure but I can’t find him
anywhere. and“Oh my ears
and whiskers! I'm late, I'm late I'm late!” as she stared at the pocket watch as she ran past. I got up and started to chase her to inquire about her nonexistent
whiskers and what she’s late for.

My
clothes started to tear, and scratches appeared as I hopped through neatly
trimmed hedges and the chase lead through grassy plains. In the distance, I saw
a huge tree and the blabbering girl standing underneath gesturing me to hurry
up. As I neared, my heart skipped a beat as I saw her jump into a hole.

I stood
at the edge and peered into the dark hole. Nothing could be seen. I mumbled and
then yelled “Hello. Hello. You okay down there?” But I heard no response.
Seconds turned into minutes and I assumed the worst. I turned around and
started to hop away when I heard an echoing voice “Want to munch on something
that says Eat me? Meet a hooka smoking caterpillar sitting on a huge mushroom
asking you if you want to get high as a kite, find dragons in the fridge and
drink its blood to make your wishes come true?”

I said
“Of course. What do I do? I can’t see a dang thing down there. I haven’t
brought along a torch and I hope you aren’t expecting me to jump down there.”

Alice’s
head popped out of the ground and she heaved herself up till her elbows were
resting on the grassy ground. Looking upwards, I saw the sun peeking through
the leaves as if trying to figure out what’s happening under the tree shade.
Looking at the blond haired girl, I saw that the face had turned beet red in
anger as she stared at me and yelled “Look here mister what’s your name. I
can’t do everything for you and if you didn’t remember to bring along a torch
and something to lower yourself then that’s your bad luck. Why don’t you try
jumping down here you old fart?”

I woke up
and let out a loud groan. My body ached and I wondered how many bones had
broken as I fell into the hole. Looking around, I saw a room with multiple
doors with a table located in the center. On the table was a bottle with a sign
“Drink me.” With nothing else to quench my thirst, I took a gulp or two. The
world started to spin and my clothes became a few sizes too large. As I emerged
from under a pile of clothing, I noticed that I was totally nude and looking
upwards I saw that the table size had increased it seems.

While
searching for food and
drinks, I saw a
familiar face. I cleared my throat and said “Awhile back, you had gotten your
panties in a knot because I was taking too long. Well. I made it here. Make me
a sandwich and get me a beer. While you are at it, show me the fridge full of
dragons.” And officer, that’s when the fight started.

“Well. The
folks who attended the gathering at Mr. Macpherson daughters wedding reception
aren’t too happy with you and the host has a different version. You got bored
talking to your aunt. You wandered off and found yourself at the coffee, snacks
and bar. You need to watch the Dark English Ales they had there. Alice, the
bartender says you got a bit tipsy and started to strip on one of the tables.
Court date in a few days. The lawyer is coming over tomorrow. And did you find
any dragons in their fridge?” Replied the tired and visibly irritated officer.

“I never got
that far. And Mr. MacPherson is wrong. It wasn't the dark ales. I'm used to
those. I don't remember a wedding, but remember distinctly needing something to
drink.”

The officer
spat his tobacco juice he'd been hoarding in his cheek over top the chair where
it landed with a splat near the corner of the gray interrogation room. “Suffice
it to say, you wrecked the place, took out three fake gazebo's and turned the
doves loose before the wedding party got to leave.”

“I slightly
remember a Jabbor-Wockey.”

“No, Mr.
McTwisp, they were doves, not a...a...Jabbor-Wockey.”

“Doves you
say?” Mr. McTwisp recollected no doves in any box but a huge flying nine headed
Jabbor Wockey. They heard a door clang, and two sets of feet walking down the
hallway. The door to the room opened, spilling in bright yellow faded
florescent light from the outside.

“Hey Fargus,
his aunt is here to get him.” “Well. Lucky you.” Fargus sarcastically stated.
He'd heard enough, had enough and knew enough to know that this guy was heading
to Bellevue as soon as the judge could write the order out.

“Aunt Mona!”
Mr. McTwisp stood up unsteadily still on his feet, holding on to the brown
industrial made chair.

“Come on
Simpson, we can't keep Harvey waiting, you know he gets agitated in these
places.”

“Yes Auntie.
Where is he?”

“Waiting out
in the hall.”

Both officers
looked at each other as the one who brought her in shrugged. “Uh, ma'am, may I inquire
as to whom this Harvey is? Brother? Father? Friend?”

Aunt Mona
looked at the cop like he'd just lost his head in front of her. “He's a six
foot rabbit of course! Now, come on Simpson, get to hopping, we can't keep him
waiting!”