Hope you like this and I sure enjoyed doing it...hopefully worth the read, gotta get it outta my system while it's fresh in my mind and take notes for next time.....

OK so I'm sitting at my desk at work today writing up this long email about a technical problem I'm trying to get to the bottom of. My personal cell phone in my shirt pocket rings and I pick it up and look at the number....it's an area code out of state and so it's not my wife, the only other phone calls I get are for "Jose" who apparently used to have this cell number but then split the scene owing some companies some money, judging by who's been calling me for the last year.

So I answer it kinda bluntly..."Erich here" (shoulda said 'Stoopy', I know)....

And it's a pre-recorded message: "YOUR VEHICLE WARRANTY IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE. THIS IS YOUR FINAL OPPORTUNITY TO RENEW YOUR VEHICLE WARRANTY BEFORE IT EXPIRES. TO BE REMOVED FORM FURTHER NOTIFICATIONS PRESS 2. TO SPEAK TO AN ASSOCIATE, PRESS 1"

Anyone else ever get these calls? Well, I just went through this about 3 months ago and handled it in a pretty funny way, and I thought it was over with because I gave them such a ridiculously hard time. I also did some research and found out that this is a relatively common scam, so this time I was prepared for some more fun.

So I pressed 1 for an associate and waited, and had the following conversation:

=============================================

(my part of the conversation is in bold, and unlike before when it was a dude, I got a female this time, so I was a little nicer than usual)

Her: Hello sir, you're interested in a warranty for your vehicle?

Well, ummm.....I'm not sure.......what is it?

It's a warranty for your vehicle, sir

But I thought it was under warranty, the message said so

That's a pre-recorded message, sir. Are you interested in a warranty for your vehicle?

Well....it sure sounds tempting....why not?

Okay sir, I just need the make and model of your vehicle

Its the same one that has the warranty that's about to expire

OK, I just need the make and model

It's the same one you're calling me about

Well I don't have that information sir

How come you don't know what kind of car I have but you know about the warranty?

Sir I don't have that information, I'm just an operator

Oh, OK. Who there would have that information?

A specialist, sir. I'll hand you over to the specialist after I get your vehicle information

OK, can't I speak to the specialist?

I have to get your vehicle information first sir

Can't you get it from the specialist?

No sir, I have to get it. Now what kind of vehicle is it?

Sure, but first, I'm curious...what does your warranty cover?

It covers everything sir

Everything?

Yes, it covers everything sir.

I'm sorry if I have a lot of questions, this just sounds too good to be true.

That's OK sir, I'm paid by the hour. Now what kind of vehicle do you have?

Must be nice to be paid by the hour

Yes it is sir. Now what kind of vehicle do you have?

Does it cover the cylinder heads?

What?

Does your warranty cover the cylinder heads on the engine?

Yes sir. It's comprehensive.

By the way, what's the name of your company?

We're called Warranty Solutions Sir. Now, what kind of car do you have?

Does it cover the camshaft bearings? I think the camshaft bearings are shot

Yes, it covers everything sir. Everything. What kind of car is it?

It's a '74 Plymouth Valiant

Sir. the car has to be 1995 or newer to be covered under warranty

It does?

Yes sir. 1995 or newer.

Oh. OK, it's a 1994 Plymouth Valiant

SIR, The car has to be a 1995 model OR LATER

It has to be made in 1995?

1995 or later sir, YES

How come?

Because we don't warranty older cars sir.

It has to be made just in the year 1995?

NO SIR, It has to be 1995 OR NEWER

OH, OK. Its a.....ummm.....2002......Dodge....ummm...RAM

(somewhat unbelieving me) A 2002 Dodge Ram, is that right sir?

Yeah...oh hey by the way where are you guys?

Excuse me sir?

Where are you located?

We're in Phoenix, Arizona Sir

No kidding? Phoenix huh? I was just there, you guys have In-N-Out burger there, I LOVE THAT PLACE!!!

Yes, they're very good hamburgers sir

So, if the car breaks down, you have to tow it all the way to Arizona?

What?

If the car breaks down it has to get to Phoenix, doesn't it?

I don't understand, sir

Well, you guys work on the cars there, right?

No sir you take your car anywhere.

Anywhere? Then why do you need a specialist there?

That's just a warranty specialist sir, not a mechanic. Your car can be repaired anywhere

Anywhere?

Yes sir

Like even at a florist shop?

No sir. A repair facility

That's hardly "anywhere". How about a dealer?

Yes, the dealer will repair your car. Now can I get your name?

Huh?

Sir, if I can just get your name so we can start the warranty on your 2002 Dodge Ram.....

Well it should be right there on your screen

Sir I don't have that information

Now just hold on, just a second. Do you mean to tell me....you don't know what kind of car i have, and you don't know my name, but you know my warranty is about to expire?

Yes sir. If I could get your name....

You know, come to think of it, I don't think the warranty should be expiring. Dodge has a pretty good warranty don't they? What is it?

I think it's 3 years or 30,000 mile sir

No, I don't think that's right. It's gotta be more than that if it's a Dodge. Hold on a sec, I'm gonna look it up on the internet...hold on...

So at this point I set my phone down and leave it on, and go back to what I was working on. Not sure how long it took, but it was a while to finish my email so I let her listen to my keyboard clacking away. Sent the email, then picked up the phone again...

Sorry, it's just taking forever to come up. I'm on dial-up

No problem sir. Now if I could just get your name...

Oh OK. My name is.....ummm....Tom

And your last name?

Umm....Jones

Tom Jones?

Yep. By the way what's your name?

Jenny

And your last name?

Umm....Jones

Jenny Jones?

Yes sir

Any relation to the singer?

Ummm.... no sir

And what phone number do I call you guys at?

Excuse me sir?
What's the phone number for your company?

It should be on your phone, sir

(it's at this point that I should mention that based on my previous experience, these scammers use a spoofed phone number that isn't real. The last time they called me, I tracked the number back and it was disconnected, registered to some guy in Oklahoma. So there's no way I'm going to look at it.)

Well but if I look at my phone I have to take it away from my ear and then I can't hear you, Jenny. Can't you just give me your phone number there?

No sir, we can't give that out....we don't have a phone number

If you don't have a phone, how are you speaking to me right now?

Sir, I mean we don't have a phone number we can give out.

So if someone there has a heart attack and you have to call an ambulance, and the ambulance can't find your office and has to call back, that person will have to die? Does OSHA know about this policy?

No sir, I'M just not allowed to give out our phone number.

Oh, OK. I guess your supervisor can give it out. Can I speak to your supervisor? I'll speak to your supervisor about it.

Sir, I am the supervisor

OH, OK. Congrats. OK, then I'll speak to your manager, please.

Well ummm.....he's not available

Not available? What's he doing?

He's...he's eating his lunch right now.

Oh, well I hope it's good. Oh HEY, is it from In-N-Out? You guys have In-N-Out Burger there in Phoenix, I LOVE THAT PLACE!!!

No, I don't think it's from In-N-Out, sir.

Shame. Just as well, eat too much of that and you'll have a heart attack, and that wouldn't be good given your office phone number policies. How 'bought I just get your address?

Sir, we don't give out our address.

Now, hold on Jenny, you've got to be kidding me. How do your new employees make it to the first day of work?

No, sir, I mean we don't give it out to customers.

But I'm not a customer yet.

Sir we don't give out our phone number or address.

Well how come?

(in a very low voice now) Frankly sir, we've had very irate people come down here and cause trouble

(yes I swear she really admitted that!!!! I was surprised and it dawned on me she was really getting worn down)

Well I have to tell you Jenny, that doesn't give me a warm & fuzzy about this warranty situation, hearing that

Yes....well......

It's probably just as well anyway

How so??

Well, Jenny, I, umm.....I'm kind of embarassed to admit this....but...well...truth is, I really don't even own a vehicle at all, I just didn't want to admit it. I was thinking maybe you liked trucks and it would impress you or something.

(even though she's involved in a low-life scuzzball scam network that's likely heavily engaged in identity theft and would take the last $20 from some helpless 80-year-old cancer patient, she sees the joke in it and starts laughing)

I really need to go

What? You have to go?

Yes I have to get off the phone now, you've kept me on it for 21 minutes now

I went through this same thing 3 months ago, and made a point that you people never call me again, and I was assured you wouldn't. So, your do-not-call list doesn't work, you don't even have one I'm sure, so here's I'm going to do now.

OK.....

You're in violation of two FCC regulations as we speak. First, it is against FCC regs to call a wireless, cell phone with an auto-dialer for telemarketing purposes. Second, I'm quite sure that the phone number on my caller ID right now is a spoofed, fake number, which I'm sure is another violation. I'm going to file a report with the FCC on this and give them every bit of information I can, and follow up on it

Sir, we have a lot of FCC complaints already, and I really have to go, I'm going to get in a lot of troble for being on the phone this long
I thought you were paid by the hour? I'm starting to suspect you haven't been entirely truthful with me, Jenny

I understand sir. We will not call you again, I'm putting you on our list

I would really be sure you do, Jenny. Because really, since you've called me the first time, I've learned more about your operation than you think, it's not difficult to find information about these kinds of scams when a little info. And I assure you. I will make reporting this, and following up, my mission. I've been nice, but next time, you can count on the fact that I will waste at least four times as much of your people's time. Count on it, and I'll be adding more information to the case file after that.

Yes sir goodbye

<click>

=============================================

So that was that!

These scammers, and believe me, I had looked into it and that's what it is, with a lotta complaints about 'em, are really scum of the earth. So, I went to the FCC website and added another one to the pile.

The more time of theirs that's wasted, is that many less people that get called & conned by stuff like this. Can't take it lying down and man, it's funner'n hell playing with em!

_________________"Once your reputation is ruined, you can live quite freely."

Hurray for you, I've had to put up with the same crap from the same company but when I say I'm on the federal do not call list they hang up yesterday. but I really like your creative solution, costs them the air time and you tie up an operator. Bravo

Thanks man, glad ya liked it. Truth is I had a ton o'fun with it. A couple of co-workers who were nearby got to hear some of it, and were cracking up. It's a hoot to see how many ways you can come up with dumb questions to string 'em along and stall 'em, as long as they think you're interested and sound like a rube. I missed a few opportunities but am more than ready for next time!

By the way. if they call you on your cell phone, the do-not-call government list is a moot point. From what I've read so far, by definition cell phones are already excluded from receiving telemarketing calls. Just getting an automated message on your cell is a violation of FCC (and FTC, I hear) regulations already in place. Even with just the phone number, fake or not, you can do a few things....the number that called me was 662-328-4874 (and I don't feel bad at all posting it, go ahead and try to call it....you'll get a fake "all circuits are busy" message or a dial tone), and here's a few places you can report this stuff, with that phone number as an example:

Yeah I get a little wired over this kinda thing, considering the poor folks out there who don't know better and get ripped off by this stuff, unfortunately these people find enough marks out there to make it worth doing.

Matter of fact I could share something REALLY funny...and wickedly EVIL...if you get calls like this! Later.....

_________________"Once your reputation is ruined, you can live quite freely."

Never recieved the "call" but then again I have caller ID and anything coming up as "restricted, out of area, or a number I don't know" I don't answer, let em leave a message.

I have recieved numerous mailings though about "My warranty about to expire" and they end up as fire starters in the winter.

I would have flirted with her a bit, told her I could make all her dreams come true. Would have told her the real money is selling mortgages to people who aren't good with math and don't know how much they can afford each month.

Great read as well, I see you haven't lost "the Magic Touch with words"

Gave me a good chuckle to get such ***holes on a string

Imagine that even here we got calls out of the US offering all kinds of stuff,
since I have switched from the "official" phone net to VOIP,
I'm not getting these calls anymore as my number isn't listed and it's shielded

What you'll see is a phone number to give scammers to call "you" back at ("my cell phone is dying / boss is coming, can you call me back at this number, extension xxxx"), which then strings them along on hold for 23 minutes with, and I quote, "a mashup of a computer-generated voice, the most annoying music ever made, and a queue-position counter that behaves... strangely."

There's a link provided there to the actual hold message audio that I recommend checking out if you want to hear something that's just...well......you'll see....(I also called the number just to see, and it works as advertised - and on a speakerphone, just even more gawd-awful!!)

I can't explain much of the rest at that site, not a member, but apparently they do some pretty serious stuff to make the lives of scammers as miserable as possible. Kind of a dark world really, (the quotes in the signature lines are from scammers that they've managed to really tick off, and apparently they collect other 'trophies') but thankfully they're on our side.....interesting in a way. Some of it is rather extreme!

And apparently they love to see that phone number get used.....

_________________"Once your reputation is ruined, you can live quite freely."

That *IS* the most gawdawful music I have ever heard in my life! And the position counter cracked me up - I'll have to make a note of that in the cell phone for next time.

I don't get the telemarketers so much as the ones who slip in the cracks doing surveys - I come up with all sorts of interesting answers when they call. I DO however get an insane ammount of text messages which I fight over with AT&T. I don't text, so I don't pay for the plan. So I get charged 10 cents every time some ***hole wants to send me a text offering a lower mortgage or what not. A real pain in the butt. And to unsubscribe from their list is another 10 cent message.

You SO missed out on a tour in the 'Nam. If your radio dial wandered off of AFVN, you were better off listening to static or the ionosphere than to pick up a local station. Cats in the night carry a better tune.

I've been missing reading those, Stoopy! I get lots of scam calls here myself, and I like to play with them too..:) But comlaining to the FCC or CRTC here, I don't think it makes any difference. When I don't wanna play, I just hang up.

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