1. “Dreckly” – I’ll get on with this important task at some point but it might not be the best idea to hold your breath until then.
2. “Aright, my ‘ansum?” – Hello, person-I-could-be-close-to-but-equally-may-never-have-met-before, how are you?
3. “Wasson me cock?” – Alright, pal, what’s going on?
4. “Come on, y’buggers” – Come on, guys.
5. “Giss on!” – Stop talking bollocks.
6. “Wozelike?!” – Oh! Honestly! He’s always fannying about!
7. “Dearovim!” – Oh, bless him, how awful that his pasty got stolen by a seagull.
8. “Thasit me lover, geddon me cock!” – That’s it, my dear, great work!
9. “Wasson shag?” – Hello, how are you?
10. “Ibeleebn” – Well, I suppose I’d better be heading off now, three pints of Tribute is probably enough.
11. “I’m rufazrats” – I didn’t leave the pub in the end, and instead drank several more pints of Tribute, plus a couple of Rattlers, and this morning I feel absolutely dreadful.
12. “‘E’s teasy as’n’adder” – He got wasted on cider last night and he’s in a right mood, so don’t ask him for a favour.
13. “Backofforillsmackee” – If you continue to provoke me like this my fist is going to make contact with your jaw.
14. “Wats splann?” – What are you guys up to and can I come too?
15. “Piddledowndidda?” – I’m 99% certain that wherever you went it rained, but humour me: Did it rain?
16. “Pizendawn” – Another delightful day of torrential Cornish rain.
17. “Bleddy ‘ansum that is” – The view is absolutely splendid, despite the driving rain.
18. “Pastydiddy?” – Did he drive past you?
19. “Bettergorgitten” – I suppose I’d better go and get it then.
20. “Costymuchdida?” – Ooh, that looks expensive, you’ve probably been ripped off. Should’ve gone to Trago.
21. “Diddyabm?” – Did he have it?
22. “Proper job!” – It’s absolutely great.
23. “Ya gate bleddy tuss!” – Don’t jump into the boat, you complete and utter penis.
24. “Likun diddy?” – Did you like it?
25. “Fariza?” – Are you going on an epic journey, i.e. further away than the next village?
26. “‘E’s gone up north” – He’s gone to London.
27. “Leave it abroad” – Don’t shut the door.
28. “Killundiddy?” – Did you kill the person who borrowed your boat without asking?
29. “That was a fair old stank” – Golly, that was a long walk.
30. “Zackly” – I completely agree.
31. “I kent membr” – I’m afraid I can’t seem to remember that.
32. “Gotunavee?” – Have you got one of those things that I want, and will you lend it to me?
33. “I’llItellywot” – I’ve got some important information for you, so listen up.
34. “Diddynawn?” – Do you know that bloke who ran off with someone’s wife in the next village, and can you impart any more juicy stories about him?
35. “Pally widden, wazza?” – You were friends with him, were you? Well, tell us what you know.
36. “Owaree pard?” – You alright, mate?
37. “Fercrisaeik, ellydoinov?” – For Christ’s sake, summer visitor from London, what are you doing trying to drive your BMW down this narrow lane?
38. “Mygar, tizzardlee on!” – My god, the tourists can’t park their cars there.
39. “Ullon yaw!” – Hold on!
40. “Cain telly” – I’m terribly sorry but I won’t be able to tell you that.
41. “Awright’n aree?” – You alright then?
42. “Wossmarrwiddee?” – Oh dear, you seem to be terribly upset – did a seagull steal your pasty?