Have you ever excuse or supported someone who victimized another because you did not like the person that was the victim or liked the person who did the victimizing more?

Have you ever supported, agreed with, or excused someone you like because you liked them, or someone you were not close to but what they did was against someone you did not like? For example say a person (we will call Mel and Gracie) on, your block (I know not all of you will fit the scenario but go on the premise) had fruit trees in their front yard, they also had no gate around their yard. You know for fact, as do most of the neighbors, they don’t pick the fruit, so it falls to the ground to rot and be discarded. A neighbor (we will call Linda) whom you like better than the home owners with the fruit trees, wanted to make a lemon bars for 45–60 people for some potluck function they were going to attend. This neighbor goes over and helps herself to lemons of the tree of the homeowner when he was not home. A second neighbor (we will call Maggie) chides Linda for stealing lemons from the tree. Linda counters that they never use the fruit, and let it rot anyway so they won’t even miss the fruit that she took, and it is going to a good cause. Maggie says that is no consequence, she had to go on the homeowner’s property without permission to take the fruit, again without permission; thus making it stealing. If Linda asked you if you thought she stole the lemons, what would you tell her? Because she has more favor with you then Mel and Gracie what would you tell her she was right or wrong to do what she did the way in which she did it? Would how you think change if the taken items were more than fruit, or had a store dollar value on it?

11 Answers

I am certain I have kept my mouth shut at times when I should have spoken up only because I liked someone or disliked someone or else did not say what should have been said because someone did not ask the “right” question(s).

For instance:

Gracie – “Did you see who took the lemons off our tree”?
Me – “No”.
Gracie – “Do you think Betty did it”?
Me – “No”.
Gracie – “Do you think I should ask her”?
Me – “No”.
Gracie – “Maybe I am mistaken, maybe there were not as many lemons on the tree as I thought”.
Me – ” ”.

I’m trying to take the lemon analogy out and think about it another way. Because honestly, if someone got all huffy about lemons they weren’t going to eat I’d tell them to get a grip and stop kvetching. Even if the roles were switched and I LOVED the lemon tree people and I hated the person who took them.

I’ll think instead about this situation. Let’s say I worked in an office and there was this weenie annoying guy that nobody liked. Now a popular coworker starts harassing him—playing mean pranks, minor sabotage of his work—stuff like that. How would I react to that? I don’t like Weenie Guy at all and I really like Mr. Cool. But Mr. Cool is being totally inappropriate to Weenie. The boss comes and asks me if I know anything about Weenie getting teased and harassed. What do I say? Now THAT’S something to think about.

@rojo What would you do if:
For instance:
Maggie – “Did you see Linda take 4 sacks of lemons off Mel and Gracie’s tree”? @rojo – “No”.
Maggie – “Linda said she was going to make lemon bars and wanted to use fresh lemons, so she went and got them from Mel’s tree when he and Gracie went to dinner. Do you think Betty should have done that?” @rojo – (you would say)
Maggie – “When you see her (Linda) next, are you going to tell her she pilfered those lemons?”@rojo – (you would say).
Maggie – “There is no way Mel and Gracie can miss the amount of lemons taken from that tree, they won’t be happy. If they ask me I am not going to cover for Linda because she should have asked even if they were likely not to use those lemons.”.@rojo (your response would be?).

Maggie – “Linda said she was going to make lemon bars and wanted to use fresh lemons, so she went and got them from Mel’s tree when he and Gracie went to dinner. Do you think she (I assume this is what you meant) should have done that?” @rojo – “No”.
Maggie – “When you see her (Linda) next, are you going to tell her she pilfered those lemons?”@rojo – “If it comes up, but you should address it yourself”.
Maggie – “There is no way Mel and Gracie can miss the amount of lemons taken from that tree, they won’t be happy. If they ask me I am not going to cover for Linda because she should have asked even if they were likely not to use those lemons.”.@rojo “You are correct”.

I would never lie. If Mel and Gracie asked me if I knew who took their lemons, I would answer truthfully, “Yes”. If they asked me who, I’d say something like, “I don’t see what difference it makes, you never use them. If I’d thought you cared, I would have tried to stop them.”

If Linda asked me if I thought it was stealing, I would answer truthfully again, “Yes”. Probably followed by something like, “But if I thought anyone cared, I would have come and told you at the time that I didn’t think it was right.”

@ibstubroIf Linda asked me if I thought it was stealing, I would answer truthfully again, “Yes”. Probably followed by something like, “But if I thought anyone cared, I would have come and told you at the time that I didn’t think it was right.”
So how you think of it, is how much the person who has items taken cares of it? If you were working at a business who knows they will encounter pilfering that they write the loss into the budget, and a new employee knowing this swipes some small item, it would be quasi OK because the business know and expect they will lose it as de facto acceptance that the item had a chance of departing them so they are not going to fret over it, you would agree the employee stole the item but it wasn’t that bad because the business expects it? If they really cared not to get pilfered and bent over backwards not to lose anything that would make a difference?

No, what I’m saying is that if a business puts items in the trash, it is technically not okay to take them, but I would not attempt to stop a dumpster diver because it’s none of my business and I secretly approve.

I hate waste, and if I lived on the street with Mel and Grace, there would be no question. I would have already asked them and spread the word. If it was okay, I would pick the lemons up and find a home for them, and it they said they preferred to leave the the for the tree rats to eat, I probably would have called the city on them. It’s disgusting and any area where citrus grows is prone to rats.