A collection
of
Prince of Darkness
jokes.(Paul Mossberg,
New Jersey Replicar Club, February 2001)

The Lucas motto:
"Get home before dark."

Lucas denies
having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"

Lucas--inventor
of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor
of the self-dimming headlamp.

The
three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch
settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original
anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas
pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob...

If Lucas made
guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear
about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true
that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew
their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the
one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you
tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He
replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s
Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum
cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance
phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design
shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the
English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

Recommended
procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of
the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting:
"Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."

Lucas systems
actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.