Horoscope

Holy fuck! You might murder your boss this month as he will refuse to grant you any leaves at all even though you have so many marriages of your friends to attend. If you are unmarried, the chances are high that you would attack your boss and fatally injure him in full public view. This could potentially end your career and public life as you’d be arrested on charges of culpable homicide. But there is a solution.

No, don’t even think of giving away your six months old baby to the television producers for “pati, patni aur woh”. When your baby grows, he’d give you away to the same producers for a reality show “mujhe iss buddhe se bachao”. You could think of bringing your baby up as a doctor, as we’d have many more sick people in India in days to come.

Find out what September has got in store for you, although it seems it has only got miseries for all. Sorry to say that, but that’s what Ganesha says, as he simply doesn’t like being immersed in those polluted waters, which were so pure when he gifted them to mankind. And he, being the omniscient and omnipresent, knows very well that he’d be treated the same way after a couple of days.

First ever horoscope predictions by Faking News for August 2009: “August might prove good to you and your wife could give you a costly gift, and guess what, she won’t use your cash or card to buy the gift! Her boyfriend will buy it. Someone is getting lucky.”