Steve Buscemi Auditions for Every Best Picture Nominee and Can’t Stop Laughing at the Name ‘Reynolds Woodcock’ — Watch

In his defense, it's a pretty funny name.

Steve Buscemi isn’t in any of this year’s Best Picture nominees, but don’t you wish he were? “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” allowed us to glimpse a beautiful alternate reality in which the oft-snubbed actor is indeed the lead of such films as “The Shape of Water” and “Call Me by Your Name” last night; it’s a world we’d like to live in, and one you can watch below.

Introducing himself as a “Hollywood actor and teen icon” (he is the face of the “fellow kids” meme, after all), Buscemi informs us that his lack of an Oscar nomination this year isn’t for lack of trying — indeed, he auditioned for every Best Picture nominee. Alas, his attempt to make it into “Phantom Thread” was stymied by his inability to not laugh at the main character’s name (Reynolds Woodcock, which Daniel Day-Lewis deserves an Oscar just for saying with a straight face) and his cockney accent makes “Dunkirk” a nonstarter as well.

As for “Lady Bird,” suffice to say that imitating an actual bird isn’t a recipe for success; “Call Me by Your Name,” meanwhile, allows him the opportunity to congratulate his son on “bagging Armie Hammer your first time out of the gate — that guy is primo man-meat.”