God did not “need” my son in Heaven more than I needed him…

At a church social Sunday night, a kind man tried to comfort me about Andrew’s death. He knew that this past week was the anniversary of The Accident and knew that those special days can be hard. He was trying to be kind.

I suppose it seemed odd to him that we can mention our children, including Andrew without tears or sorrow showing on our faces. We can go to parties and laugh and have fun even though our son is dead. (Hint: He is not dead but living in Heaven!)

God has healed my heart. And we love to laugh! Our kids – all of them – have given us great joy and great stories over the years. When talking about my kids I often smile. I love them bunches.

After asking what had happened, how Andrew had died, he said, “Well, God needed him in heaven more than you needed him on earth.”

NO! Just NO!! God is God all by Himself. He does not NEED anything! He did not NEED Andrew in heaven!

God does want fellowship with us. He desires that all would serve Him. He loves us and wants to be with us, but He does not need us.

For those who think that maybe Andrew and the others died so that one more person could come to know Christ – Please know that the only person that had to die so someone could be saved is Jesus Christ, who went like a lamb to the slaughter. He willingly gave His life so that we could know God and have relationship with Him. Because of Christ’s death, my son has eternal life in Heaven.

For God to kill my son so that someone else could be saved, it would have been human sacrifice, child sacrifice — My child being sacrificed for someone else to gain salvation.

God does not want child sacrifice! Here is a great article on the subject and here is a list of scriptures on the subject. God does not take one child so that another person can be saved, get their life in order, or gain freedom from addiction.

God may bring good things out of ugly stuff, and He promises to do just that – His Word says that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. But I do not believe that God killed my son for the good of another person. (I don’t know why Andrew died, other than physics and that we live in a broken, fallen world.) I believe that every death goes through His hands, His filter. He will use things that happen in this broken, fallen world for our good and His glory. But He did not take Andrew so that someone else could be saved.

Another time someone said, “God needed another angel in heaven.”

Again NO!!

Andrew was not an angel on earth, he did not become an angel when he went to heaven. He did not get wings. He is not an angel.

Folks refer to the five killed in The Accident as the “Texas Angels”. I think this is sweet; they were all kind, talented young people. But it is not an accurate theological statement; they are not now angels. They are still humans, created in the image of God.

Andrew was and is a Child of the King! A man made righteous through the blood of Christ! A joint Heir with Christ! A member of God’s household built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets with Christ Jesus as the chief cornerstone!

Angels are created beings. Here is a long list of verses that reference angels: http://www.openbible.info/topics/angels. None of them mention a human becoming an angel or angel becoming human. If God did need another angel, he could have spoken a word and one would be created. He did not kill my son so He could have another angel.

So, please, please, please do not tell me that God killed my son so that someone else could get saved at his memorial service. Or because He needed him in Heaven. Or that He needed another angel.

When I meet you, and you feel a need to acknowledge our loss, it would be best to stick with simply saying something like, “I am so sorry. I would love to have known your son.” or “That must have been painful to walk through. Is there something we can do now to help?” or simply “I am sorry.”

Please do not try to comfort me with reasons why this accident happened. It happened. Period. I will not understand “WHY” here on earth. And your attempts at explaining the secrets things of God do not comfort me: they often frustrate me and make me want to correct your theology.

And I know of a wonderful study published by Precept Ministries on Heaven, Hell and Life After Death. If you want to truly understand want happens when one dies, get this study and work through it. It takes about 6-8 hours. Great resource for a small group or Sunday school class.

God’s ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. The secret things belong to God. We will not understand all that He does on earth; however, I know He is loving, compassionate, just, wise, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, and full of mercy. He uses junk to make beautiful things. He can and will use The Accident for our good and His glory. He promises in His Word that He will do so.

But seeing good things come out of The Accident, does not mean that we can understand the why’s of our child’s death.

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23 thoughts on “God did not “need” my son in Heaven more than I needed him…”

Your posts rings so true! I have read many of your words and they provide the same insight I feel and I thank you for your courage to post your thoughts and information on grieving. My only son died by his own hands and nothing anyone can say brings comfort. He was so riddled with sadness, hopelessness and depression, he felt it was to only way to stop his pain. God did not make it happen, but God has given me strength to go on without my son. Faith in Him is our salvation. My son’s last written words to me were “one final truth, know that I am at peace in paradise with Jesus”

Kathleen, I am so happy to read this! My 12 year old son died tragically on March 9. I had a Christian woman tell me in the very early days after he died, that he was sacrificed so all the children who gave their life at his service could be saved. I was still so shell shocked, I just was blank at that thought. It made me more angry and more confused because I wasn’t in my right mind to process that and let it go. I had all the ‘why MY son??” thoughts and it made everything so much worse. There was only one person whose life was sacrificed so ours could be saved. NO, my son was NOT needed so someone else’s son could give their life to Christ. My gosh, there should be a mandatory “how to talk to grieving parents” course in all Christian churches. Sometimes the “Christian” comments are the most hurtful of all. Thank you for your blog. It has helped me so much.

Kathleen, I couldn’t agree more that God does not need us. We need Him. Stuff happens, but God can use it for good. I remember being told hurtful things when I was suffering through years of infertility. The messengers meant to be helpful. Not. And I believe they were wrong too. I hope I learned enough during that time to prevent me from saying things that open rather than heal wounds. A hug is usually pretty safe. I know I like them. (PS- We eventually gave birth to three children after 12 years of barrenness.)
Blessings ~ Wendy ❀

Our grandson, who we raised from birth to 1 year, and then gave to our friends to adopt, was killed in a tragic accident on June 3, 2015 at the age of 3. We, the grandparents and our son, and the parents with their three boys, and our daughter, who was the biological mom, all had a wonderful relationship with our precious little Levi. We are now struggling to come to terms with our loss. It is very painful, and we don’t understand why God took him from us after making our story of love in joining two families into one through his adoption. Why did He leave him with his new family for only two short years? What is God doing? We are not ready to let Levi go. We have not had enough time with this little man. This is the hardest journey we have ever had to take.

Laverne, I can relate to you although it was my younger bro. I was I was 25 when Ricky had his car accident. It happened 5-27-70.My parents wedding anniversary was June 27 and my birthday followed july 27.All of us had a hard time dealing with it. Mom went out often to clean grave off and put a wreath she had made out. she bought single flowers and cut the celeafoam into circles, or made crosses or whatever struck her. put flowers on then took a piece ply wood drilled holes to tie it onto before taking to cementary she would cover the board with dirt before we had cement poured after gravel.my parents have gone to be with the lord now i do not make wreath anymore but take flowers to put in vases.neithr do I get out to see them as i fell broke leg that was paralized at one time and am in a wheelchair now.I still write inspirational poetry and yes cry at times but when i let God know I need to feel Him close He is there.Try doing something you like to do. Before God gave me the ability,this was after dad passed icrochet or walked a mile God Bless You Reta Hogue

I had never thought of it that way even though have a younger bro. dad and mom who have left this earth. I knew God does not need them.God took them in a car accident sure but parents had cancer and were ready when God finally came after them. Thanks for another clearer viewpoint Reta

Excellent post. I, too, have had to correct others about the “angel” belief. We who grieve the earthly death of our children must be able to speak the truth in love even during our anguish. It helps to know “it is well” with our children for all eternity. I am sad that you, too, must endure the sorrow of losing a child in this life. Blessings and hugs.