The 9 Most Ridiculous Moments Of The Apple Vs Samsung Trial

The arguments in the Apple vs Samsung patent showdown jamboree finally ended yesterday. That means we’re finally coming to a resolution — or at least a breather until the appeals process begins.

It’s been a complicated, convoluted and often absurd ride. So while we wait for the jurors to come back with a verdict, let’s take a stroll through the trial’s goofiest moments. There were lots of ‘em.

First, your honour, I’m not smoking crack.

After Judge Koh received a 75-page briefing from Apple, dealing with 22 witnesses that Apple might call to disprove Samsung’s claims, we got this sans-social-cues exchange:

Judge Koh: “Unless you’re smoking crack you know these witnesses aren’t going to be called!”Apple attorney William Lee: “First, your honour, I’m not smoking crack. I can promise you that.”

And then everyone set themselves on fire.

Bellybutton

11:13 a.m.: Samsung’s lawyer asks if Schiller has heard the iPhone home button as the belly button.

The Boss

Samsung claimed, basically, that its sales of the Galaxy Nexus were so minuscule, that it was not a direct competitor for the iPhone. Or if it was a direct competitor, it was a really terrible one that should be ignored.

Okay maybe that one’s less ridiculous than it is kinda sad?

iPad or Galaxy Tab?

It remains unclear at what point Apple contends the customers, like, read the box.

Keeping Old Phones Old

The jury will have every single phone in question during deliberation, which has made Judge Koh very concerned that they’re going to fiddle with them. It’s to ensure that only the original software designs are compared, but it’s much more fun to imagine Juror #7 installing custom ROMs to play Pokémon.

Preparation

Before listening to closing arguments, the jury had to sit through 84 pieces of instructions over 109 pages, read to it by Judge Koh. It… took… forever.

All Together Now

All of the jurors have to agree on a number. An exact number. Which they have to pencil in on a Xeroxed court document. If one is off by a penny? Hung jury.

This, Basically

And here is this whole absurd trial distilled down to its essence, which is so very fun and stupid because look at all those dumb names ugh. They left out my personal favourite, the S Galaxy Spacerocket XXLMIII of Windsor.

I just got jury duty for the first time (in Northern California as well), if it's a tech patent trial I'm going to have to bring my flask (or a water bottle full of vodka depending on metal detectors).