~ insanitybytes

At the Feed Store

Hubby and I were at the feed store the other day when they called out to me, soft and creamy, carefully stitched linen and canvas, like white raiment.

You know how girls can be out shopping sometimes, the way some things just speak to your soul and you think, I’ve just got to have that, that was made especially for me, it is singing a song only I can hear. That thing wants to come live with me, it belongs in my home, it must be rescued and nourished and fed…

That can be a bit comical if we are speaking of shoes, their desperate plea to be given a home just tugging at your heart-strings, but this was far worse, even less practical than a pair of shoes.

My soul was crying out for them, even as my brain was trying to cling to some shred of reason, rationalizing about how silly it was to be standing in a feed store contemplating fashion, and yet I knew I didn’t need them in the literal sense, but rather in the spiritual sense, what they represented to me in the supernatural.

You have to love my husband, he never misses a beat, leaving me uncertain if he is having a moment of selective hearing or if he is just genuinely kind. I suppose it doesn’t really matter, because he said quite gently, “honey, buy whatever you think you need,” which of course, are magic words in any context.

“I can’t,” I told him, “It’s not them I want, but the idea behind them, what they represent, the simplicity and practicality, the secret desire of my heart to focus on the path before me, to be sheltered from distractions and dark things and orcs….”

The man’s eyes are glazing over at this point, I can see it, too many words, she has once again unleashed too many words on me. I must find the order in this chaos…

“It’s simple,” he says, “if you like them buy them.”

Honey, let me remind you that we’re standing in front of a rack full of horse blinders. Horse blinders! We haven’t even got a horse, and while I am sure they would make a charming fashion statement in this neck of the woods, I honestly don’t want them, not for real, but you, you are a treasure of understanding and a wealth of kindness.

It is quite comical to be standing in the feed store with hubby and realizing he probably cannot discern much difference between horse blinders and a pair of jeans, all he really recognizes is that this thing might make his wife happy. The thing itself has no actual meaning to him. I suspect I could show up wearing burlap and as long as the burlap was drapped in an attractive way, he would be quite pleased. Perhaps I should be shopping for some linen feed sacks…?

Horse blinders, huh. I had no idea my soul was longing for such a thing, for the ability to bury my head in the sand, to focus on the path ahead and to remember, “brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”