One girl with anxiety. A world of uncomfortable romance.

All posts tagged: Mental Health

The New York Times recently shared a question that was sent to their “ethicist.” The reader is back on the dating scene again after ending a lengthy relationship. The reader also lives with a complex mental health past and is uncertain about when if/when to discuss this past when entering new relationships. What I love about this short little piece is that it acknowledges the grey area of getting close and intimate with another person. It explains: “on dates, convention holds, you’re not obliged to lead with your weaknesses. The best way for someone to see that you’re doing O.K. is not to assert it but to show it. AKA walk the walk, yo. Show what you are capable of on a day-to-day basis, let them see your best self. While you may feel your shadows are bigger than you, the truth is they only feel this way from your perspective. Remember you have a say in how you are perceived. You are writing your own story; make sure you’re the protagonist of it. However, the …

As I sat and read through more and more of my statuses from 4, 5, 6 years back I found myself repeatedly asking, “Where did she go?” I disappeared from my personal facebook page for almost all of 2015. I was learning to juggle in the new circus of freelance writing, was planning a wedding, and had already felt like facebook was no longer a place where I felt safe and/or happy. I’ve slowly been stepping back into the shallow-end of the facebook pool, but the water is still a little cold. It still feels like I might swallow some nasty water. And there are still people lurking in the deep end who are wearing plastic dorsal fins. But something interesting happened. I started to read through old posts I wrote years ago, back when I was in college and graduate school. It’s been a bit like peering into the windows of your neighbor’s living room. While you recognize the people, they look utterly foreign in this new intimate environment. I seemed so much happier, so …

You guys. I’m getting married in a few days and life feels like I’m in the middle of that Fantasia scene where ostriches and hippos are ballerinas and music is blasting and my brain is a bottle of marbles. No joke? Last night I was wrapping presents at midnight and crying. I wasn’t even entirely positive why I was crying, I just was. Tissue paper, bags, ribbon, tears, tired tired tirwaitnowI’mlaughing. BUT. I’m also doing a giveaway on Goodreads! Huzzah! Big life events right and left! Goodreads Book Giveaway The Anxious Girl’s Guide to Dating by Hattie C. Cooper Giveaway ends March 18, 2016. See the giveaway details at Goodreads. Enter Giveaway I only just realized that Goodreads even had this feature (since apparently I’m about as savvy as a rock). All you gota do is click “enter giveaway” and you’re entered to win one of four signed copies of the book. If you win, you’re welcome to tell me what you want me to write. I once was at a David Sedaris reading and he …

Eye contact can be challenging for me sometimes. I know it’s important, I know it makes people feel heard and connected, but damn it be awks sometimes. It’s incredibly intimate and makes you feel seen. It reminds you that, hey, you are right there. That’s you. A good friend of mine got married this past summer and after the ceremony she pointed something out to me I hadn’t realized before. “You have to maintain eye contact for a long time. Like, way too long,” she said, a fellow introvert who probably is as much of a fan of eye contact as I am. I’d never thought of this. Over the past few years I’ve been to a lot of weddings. A lot. If weddings were Cheetos and I was pouring myself a bowl for the past two years that bowl would be full. You know what I mean? Cheeto metaphor? Jared and I have attended so many weddings we foolishly thought planning a wedding would be easy. We thought it would be as breezy as a sailboat on a …

I’m getting better at getting mad. What I mean is, I’m slowly learning the skills of fighting fairly while in a romantic relationship. I’m getting “better” at being mad, if that makes sense. As Jared and mine’s wedding approaches faster than the upcoming Oscar snub of Leo (jk he’s probably going to win) I’ve been thinking a lot about how a marriage will probably consist of just as many challenging moments as joyous moments. Love is the bread holding this meaty sandwich of chaos together. To put it simply: I’m not the best at being angry. I don’t handle negative emotions very skillfully. I’ve never been an expert at navigating conflict. I fear being mad or frustrated reflects poorly on my character as a whole. I feel a lot of guilt, shame, and fear. So one of the things I’ve been forced to get better at, now that my life is so intimately interconnected with another human, is how to be mad. Like, how to be mad. Being upset is the easy part. But being upset in …