6.20.2011

good answer!

In the latest issue of Vanity Fair Bill Moyers answers the Proust Questionnaire, I can't imagine a better set of replies than his, and manages to be thoughtful and oh so right! (yes, I love him!)

One of his questions is:

If you could change one thing about your family what would it be?

his answer: I wish we weren't always in such a hurry.

Isn't this the truth and it speaks volumes. It makes me think of our own lives (ha! isn't that what a Proust Questionnaire is supposed to do...) and how much we rush from one moment to the other and with kids I find myself trying to figure out what we are going to do with our time. Our best moments together are really when we just sit and do nothing! That's when we hold each other, that's when we listen to each other and best of all, that's when we just sit and stare at each other (well maybe it's more of me just dreamily watching them).

When you work at home as both my husband and myself do, you almost tend to work in every moment you can get, and you forget to shut off. It's times like these when I read something like this that I re-evaluate my life and figure out how to slow things down and keep my mind separate kids vs. work. I think that many of us are under a tremendous amount of pressure these days, to make it work. Make our jobs work and make our life with our family work, and with the pressure of the economy it's just another variable that keeps our minds away from the kids. Well, at least this is the way it's been in our family... maybe you can relate and this will help you to find the time, to keep your mind clear and just BE with your kids.

And just in case you are interested, when I was researching to write this blog I came upon the REAL Proust Questionnaire, you know there is a real one... (I didn't know it) it's actually where the Vanity Fair one came from, his answers to these similar questions posed to him at age 13 and then again at age 20, the answers are thoughtful and beautiful. ENJOY! (I found this online, it's kind of a weird link but - here is the link)

Proust did not invent this party game; he is simply the most extraordinary person to respond to them. At the birthday party of Antoinette Felix-Faure, the 13-year-old Marcel was asked to answer the following questions in the birthday book, and here's what he said:

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

To be separated from Mama

Where would you like to live?

In the country of the Ideal, or, rather, of my ideal

What is your idea of earthly happiness?

To live in contact with those I love, with the beauties of nature, with a quantity of books and music, and to have, within easy distance, a French theater

To what faults do you feel most indulgent?

To a life deprived of the works of genius

Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?

Those of romance and poetry, those who are the expression of an ideal rather than an imitation of the real

Who are your favorite characters in history?

A mixture of Socrates, Pericles, Mahomet, Pliny the Younger and Augustin Thierry

Who are your favorite heroines in real life?

A woman of genius leading an ordinary life

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?

Those who are more than women without ceasing to be womanly; everything that is tender, poetic, pure and in every way beautiful

Your favorite painter?

Meissonier

Your favorite musician?

Mozart

The quality you most admire in a man?

Intelligence, moral sense

The quality you most admire in a woman?

Gentleness, naturalness, intelligence

Your favorite virtue?

All virtues that are not limited to a sect: the universal virtues

Your favorite occupation?

Reading, dreaming, and writing verse

Who would you have liked to be?

Since the question does not arise, I prefer not to answer it. All the same, I should very much have liked to be Pliny the Younger.

What is fascinating about this questionnaire is that it was considered so great an amusement to very young people in Proust's time. It is hard to imagine a party of 13-year-olds in these times being quizzed about their favorite virtues, painters or characters of fiction and history. If the questionnaire were not to smack of exam, it would have to ask "what's your favorite TV show?" or "what's your favorite band?"

Seven years after the first questionnaire, Proust was asked, at another social event, to fill out another; the questions are much the same, but the answers somewhat different, indicative of his traits at 20:

Your most marked characteristic?

A craving to be loved, or, to be more precise, to be caressed and spoiled rather than to be admired

The quality you most like in a man?

Feminine charm

The quality you most like in a woman?

A man's virtues, and frankness in friendship

What do you most value in your friends?

Tenderness - provided they possess a physical charm which makes their tenderness worth having

What is your principle defect?

Lack of understanding; weakness of will

What is your favorite occupation?

Loving

What is your dream of happiness?

Not, I fear, a very elevated one. I really haven't the courage to say what it is, and if I did I should probably destroy it by the mere fact of putting it into words.

What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?

Never to have known my mother or my grandmother

What would you like to be?

Myself - as those whom I admire would like me to be

In what country would you like to live?

One where certain things that I want would be realized - and where feelings of tenderness would always be reciprocated. [Proust's underlining]

What is your favorite color?

Beauty lies not in colors but in their harmony

What is your favorite flower?

Hers - but apart from that, all

What is your favorite bird?

The swallow

Who are your favorite prose writers?

At the moment, Anatole France and Pierre Loti

Who are your favorite poets?

Baudelaire and Alfred de Vigny

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Hamlet

Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?

Phedre (crossed out) Berenice

Who are your favorite composers?

Beethoven, Wagner, Shuhmann

Who are your favorite painters?

Leonardo da Vinci, Rembrandt

Who are your heroes in real life?

Monsieur Darlu, Monsieur Boutroux (professors)

Who are your favorite heroines of history?

Cleopatra

What are your favorite names?

I only have one at a time

What is it you most dislike?

My own worst qualities

What historical figures do you most despise?

I am not sufficiently educated to say

What event in military history do you most admire?

My own enlistment as a volunteer!

What reform do you most admire?

(no response)

What natural gift would you most like to possess?

Will power and irresistible charm

How would you like to die?

A better man than I am, and much beloved

What is your present state of mind?

Annoyance at having to think about myself in order to answer these questions

2 comments:

Anonymous
said...

This really resonates with me. I also believe in having 'down time' and the art of 'doing nothing.' I can't agree with you more on how much enjoyment it brings just pausing and watching children play and read. I also believe 'vacationing' is not so much as physically going to places but being in a relaxing state of mind… I am leaving my laptop behind when going on trips this summer. Have yet to convince my husband to do the same. Happy first day of summer.

Wonderful post on a man to whom I can relate. Proust is deep, there is no doubt about it; it is interesting to think about how much he differs from modern-day teens when reading his comments from the birthday party. I only know two people who could answer similarly, but a hundred who would rather goof off and answer sarcastically. Thank you for sharing this. I plan on sharing it too. :)