I do the Running Man, Roger Rabbit and Moonwalk between commercial breaks of As it Happens and Q on the CBC. I once saw Springsteen, Death Cab, and The Shins in the same year, but refrained from turning on a cell phone to emulate a lighter at each show. I've used yoga and meditation to relax the tension during vigorous philosophical debates on the art of psychology, and the anatomy of northern pike.

I can cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes, and can discern the difference between decaf and regular coffee strictly by scent. I keep close friends from kindergarten at hand, have publicly petitioned the closing of shopping malls on Sundays, and requested that Chicken McNuggets be formally referred to as Chemically Modified Fowl rather than "food". I once read Catcher in The Rye, The Oxford Dictionary, and Crime and Punishment in the same weekend with still time to attend to my prize winning tulips.

I have been banned from the suburbs of most metropolitan cities. When I was young, I use to think TV was real. Now, I know it is. I've created award winning art and design pieces, watch a trilogy of films a day, and have a framed rejection letter from The Player's Club mounted over my fireplace.

But, I have never dated you.

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