My grandson is put in a 'crying chair' at day care

November 24, 2013|By Kathy Lauer-Williams, Of The Morning Call

Q: My grandson is 2 years old and goes to a day care. When he cries for me or my daughter, they put him in a "crying chair" to make him stop crying. It seems to me that they are punishing him for crying out for us. Am I overreacting and do I need to step back? I will try to put my feeling aside if this is what is best for him.

A: The Help for Families panel admits it has never heard of a "crying chair" before and wonders exactly what it is.

Talk with your daughter to find out more details about what the crying chair is, says panelist Michael Daniels. Is it for time outs? If it is for punishment, punishment for crying will not work.

"If it is used for a punishment, it's not appropriate," panelist Pam Wallace says.

She suggests you check it out on a day when you pick up your grandson.

Your daughter should follow up with the day-care center, Daniels says. Centers are generally open to parent questions. Maybe the day care is not aware of this.

"If in fact there is a crying chair to make a child stop crying, sit down with the director," Daniels says. "You can always take him out of the center."

He also wonders where the term comes from.

"Is the child just calling it that or do the teachers refer to it as a crying chair," Daniels wonders. "Crying is not a bad thing. When a child needs something, crying is what children do."

Wallace is concerned that a 2-year-old is being put in a chair when he actually needs comfort.

"I would wonder how often this happens," she says. "Also I wonder why he's crying."

It may be possible the chair is a place of comfort, where children are put to settle, Daniels says.

"Does he like to go to day care?" he asks. "If he cries about going on a regular basis, that could be a red flag. What are your daughter's feelings about this?"

There is nothing wrong with being concerned and gathering information, the panel says.

"Don't be adversarial," Daniels says. "Approach it that you want to ask questions so you can feel at ease."

Your daughter can change day cares. Look for one that is a "Keystone Star." The state Department of Public Welfare administers the voluntary program, which rates child-care facilities with 1 to 4 stars.

To be a Keystone Star, centers are required to have continued professional development and are encouraged to move up the ladder.

Also make sure the day care is state-licensed. If it isn't, don't go to it, the panel says.