Real advice from real people

“I think my friend is using me”

I have been friends with one of my friends since school, so the best part of 25 years. We have both gotten married, had kids and although we are not as close friends as we once were, when we catch up, even if it has been months, it’s like old times. However for the last 12 months, I have been feeling as though this friend is taking advantage of me and my generosity. Late last year we had planned a catch up, she was taking the day off from work, our kids were going to play while we caught up over coffee and then take the kids to the movies, but on the day itself, her husband dropped her daughter off to my house, earlier than we had planned, saying that my friend will be over later. Well, my friend never showed, so I ended up taking the kids to the movies by myself, and then her husband comes back much later in the evening to pick their daughter up.

Okay, my friend got busy, but I shouted her daughter to the movies, lunch, and got both kids a little toy each, and not so much of a thank you from my friend. Then earlier this year, I get a text ‘let’s catch up’ so okay, I rearrange my day (my son was at daycare on this day which she knew), then at the last minute I get a text ‘sorry I can’t make it, but can I still drop **** (her daughter) over’ … umm, kinda put me on the spot, but I guess so, so that day turned into another day that I didn’t see my friend and ending up babysitting.

So fast forward a few months, and this friend and I planned a ‘ladies day’ of shopping, lunch etc. She arrives with her daughter, and we spent the day running after her the whole time and doing things her daughter wanted to do. It’s not that bad, but over the years I have done a lot for this friend, taken her to appointments, given her thousands of dollars worth of baby stuff etc, and there are a few other minor things that I guess have now become a big issue, which I won’t bore you all with here.

I would understand if it were a money issue, and she and her husband were trying not to spend, but just be honest with me. Outside of the times she wants something, I don’t hear from her, and believe me nothing I do is reciprocated, so my question is… am I just being petty or am I being used? I’m at the stage that I feel like this ‘friendship’ is bringing me down and causing me to resent my old friend, should I just walk away, or should I say something?

3 thoughts on ““I think my friend is using me””

My cousin is just like this. I’m always the one to make time for her. I’m always the one to call and connect with her. I accept that she’s just self centered and selfish and deal with it by calling and making time on my terms. I make alternate plans when she fails to follow through, because “she’s so busy,” but I see her having ladies nights out on social media. It doesn’t excuse her behavior and I don’t count on her for anything. I stopped letting her use me. Next time you make plans, strait up tell her you would like HER there and if the husband drops off the daughter again, feel free to have the play date for the kids, and cut her off. No reason to keep putting yourself out there for her.

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