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Hi, I am new here. I wanted to share as well get advice...not judgmental, I am my worst own enemy. Short version, I had gastric bypass in 2003 and lost 210 pounds in about 2 years. It was an amazing feeling to have a whole new life. I lost whole person, though exercise as well as making healthier choices. The surgery was not an easy task, although it has been right for me.I went from a size 34 to a 12, it was an amazing feeling. I was working out 2 hours a day and could pretty much do as I pleased since I was I home alone a lot. Then a personal tragedy. My husband, who had been on the road 5 days a week got hurt. The accident left his body disabled in so many ways (Physically, emotionally, sexually and mentally). He has not and never will return to work, it was a freak accident. Not only was he injured so was I in a way. We had been trying to have a baby and the issue was with him. I dealt with that, then God blessed us with a baby boy. That was through a family member that lived a life of drugs (legal and illegal). We had to fight to keep our son once we knew the parents were never going to get him back. There were threats and since that time my husband's brother (the biological father) has passed on due to complications from his lifestyle, so had did I handle all of this...food. I could not eat as much at one time but I ate all the time. At first ten pounds then 20 and now 100 have returned. My world is upside down. My husband thought about suicide and meant two extended stays in the hospital. It has not gotten better. He was diagnosed bipolar, I have stood by him, but now I am scared this weight gain will not stop. My OLD clothes are back in the closet rotation. Something I swore off. No one understands, the surgery is a tool an not a quick lasting fix. With limited income I have resorted to bargain shopping which is is mostly the more unhealthy foods. I want to and know that I have got to stop my bad habits. I have a 6 year old to be role model for. I just need somewhere positive to turn. My friends and family have been through so much with us, that a lot of them are numb to the situation or just tired. Alot of people think I need to just take my child and walk away. My husband is not doing anything to help himself, so I try to cope and most of the time I do that with food. I am gone for 12 hours a day working, all of the shopping and a lot of the chores fall on me. It is sad to know what "the lighter side" feels like only to feel like a failure. Any words of encouragement or advice on how to get back on track is greatly appreciated.

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19 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassHi, I am new here. I wanted to share as well get advice...not judgmental, I am my worst own enemy. Short version, I had gastric bypass in 2003 and lost 210 pounds in about 2 years. It was an amazing feeling to have a whole new life. I lost whole person, though exercise as well as making healthier choices. The surgery was not an easy task, although it has been right for me.I went from a size 34 to a 12, it was an amazing feeling. I was working out 2 hours a day and could pretty much do as I pleased since I was I home alone a lot. Then a personal tragedy. My husband, who had been on the road 5 days a week got hurt. The accident left his body disabled in so many ways (Physically, emotionally, sexually and mentally). He has not and never will return to work, it was a freak accident. Not only was he injured so was I in a way. We had been trying to have a baby and the issue was with him. I dealt with that, then God blessed us with a baby boy. That was through a family member that lived a life of drugs (legal and illegal). We had to fight to keep our son once we knew the parents were never going to get him back. There were threats and since that time my husband's brother (the biological father) has passed on due to complications from his lifestyle, so had did I handle all of this...food. I could not eat as much at one time but I ate all the time. At first ten pounds then 20 and now 100 have returned. My world is upside down. My husband thought about suicide and meant two extended stays in the hospital. It has not gotten better. He was diagnosed bipolar, I have stood by him, but now I am scared this weight gain will not stop. My OLD clothes are back in the closet rotation. Something I swore off. No one understands, the surgery is a tool an not a quick lasting fix. With limited income I have resorted to bargain shopping which is is mostly the more unhealthy foods. I want to and know that I have got to stop my bad habits. I have a 6 year old to be role model for. I just need somewhere positive to turn. My friends and family have been through so much with us, that a lot of them are numb to the situation or just tired. Alot of people think I need to just take my child and walk away. My husband is not doing anything to help himself, so I try to cope and most of the time I do that with food. I am gone for 12 hours a day working, all of the shopping and a lot of the chores fall on me. It is sad to know what "the lighter side" feels like only to feel like a failure. Any words of encouragement or advice on how to get back on track is greatly appreciated.

Oh my Lord. Your problems are overwhelming to read, let alone live through. Although many of us may have experienced one or two of them, you've got the whole enchillada at once. My advice is to stop and Breathe first, then only let yourself focus on one issue at a time. If its weight then make one healthy change today, something you hardly miss, but that you can build on. There probably isn't anyone here who is truly competent to advise you, but we can listen and we can try and help you with your food control issues because we have them too. There is a gal here Nancy who is living the post GBS experience so you could connect with her and get some encouragement. She is very knowledgable and very positive.

Kathy SW 235.1 CW 201.6 GW 165

Greedily she ingorg'd without restraint,And knew not eating Death Milton, Paradise Lost

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassOh my Lord. Your problems are overwhelming to read, let alone live through. Although many of us may have experienced one or two of them, you've got the whole enchillada at once. My advice is to stop and Breathe first, then only let yourself focus on one issue at a time. If its weight then make one healthy change today, something you hardly miss, but that you can build on. There probably isn't anyone here who is truly competent to advise you, but we can listen and we can try and help you with your food control issues because we have them too. There is a gal here Nancy who is living the post GBS experience so you could connect with her and get some encouragement. She is very knowledgable and very positive.

Thanks, the "odd" thing is I know what to do, I really need to learn to use the word no. I could write a nutrition book and be a personal trainer if any one wanted an overweight trainer. I have done all the plans, gyms and programs at some point.I have to let go not only to food but to people that are unhealthy for me. I am generally a positive, the glass is half full, but it seems like unfortunate circumstances have put me in the middle of the glass is empty...I just feel drained and worn out. I would not trade my little boy for the world, I know he is a heaven sent gift, I do love my husband, but I do question if I am in love, when I walk in the door and he starts looking through the shopping bag to see what I brought him. He thinks the world is against him. He is very selfish as is most of his family so I can see where he sees nothing wrong with it. I have just about done all I can do, I know I need to take care of me, it is well past time. I am tired of doing life alone, I just need to breath and learn to let go of the things I have no control of and distance myself from negativity. People who have not experienced some of the issues don't get it. It is not that easy to just leave or but something has got to be done, for my child's sake. He will tell me "Daddy has a Belly" but mommy you are perfect. Smart little boy no wanting to hurt mommy's feelings but I am ready to take the first step (again). I just want someone to listen and maybe offer any positive thoughts. I know I can do this, and I can do it all, but before I can make other changes I have to take care of me.

Mandi H.

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassThanks, the "odd" thing is I know what to do, I really need to learn to use the word no. I could write a nutrition book and be a personal trainer if any one wanted an overweight trainer. I have done all the plans, gyms and programs at some point.I have to let go not only to food but to people that are unhealthy for me. I am generally a positive, the glass is half full, but it seems like unfortunate circumstances have put me in the middle of the glass is empty...I just feel drained and worn out. I would not trade my little boy for the world, I know he is a heaven sent gift, I do love my husband, but I do question if I am in love, when I walk in the door and he starts looking through the shopping bag to see what I brought him. He thinks the world is against him. He is very selfish as is most of his family so I can see where he sees nothing wrong with it. I have just about done all I can do, I know I need to take care of me, it is well past time. I am tired of doing life alone, I just need to breath and learn to let go of the things I have no control of and distance myself from negativity. People who have not experienced some of the issues don't get it. It is not that easy to just leave or but something has got to be done, for my child's sake. He will tell me "Daddy has a Belly" but mommy you are perfect. Smart little boy no wanting to hurt mommy's feelings but I am ready to take the first step (again). I just want someone to listen and maybe offer any positive thoughts. I know I can do this, and I can do it all, but before I can make other changes I have to take care of me.

Thanks, it is literally one day at a time and I know I will be okay, just need to get on track and follow my plan without letting anyone or thing distract me. I am really strong and faith plays a big part in my life. It is time to take an inventory and maybe not only lose some weight but some excess baggage (people) who are negative. Not easy but must be done. I already feel better just telling my story. Thanks for listening.

Mandi H.

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassThanks, it is literally one day at a time and I know I will be okay, just need to get on track and follow my plan without letting anyone or thing distract me. I am really strong and faith plays a big part in my life. It is time to take an inventory and maybe not only lose some weight but some excess baggage (people) who are negative. Not easy but must be done. I already feel better just telling my story. Thanks for listening.

I am sorry for what has happened to your husband and for your subsequent limited income. It's true we can only change ourselves so as a peer and not a professional I would say focus on what you can control first by buying and eating a fresh or frozen vegetable one or two times a day as well as one or two servings of fresh or frozen fruit. You can buy ones you know you like that are also cheapest as well and start there. The frozen fruits are expensive so buy one on sale and start there, plus they will last in the freezer a long time which spreads out the expense for needing to buy them less often. You will be less tempted to overeat if you focus on natural foods. Processed cheap foods keep you in craving stage. Just give it a try and see if your cravings are diminished.

Also, if you haven't done so, focus on endorsing yourself for the things you are doing successfully like working and being a caring mom and caring wife. This will help you to think better about yourself and help motivate you.

A friend,Laura

Laura

Baby steps, to a healthy lifestyle change. When you change your thoughts you will then change your weight. Getting healthy is about progress, not perfection.

I am sorry for what has happened to your husband and for your subsequent limited income. It's true we can only change ourselves so as a peer and not a professional I would say focus on what you can control first by buying and eating a fresh or frozen vegetable one or two times a day as well as one or two servings of fresh or frozen fruit. You can buy ones you know you like that are also cheapest as well and start there. The frozen fruits are expensive so buy one on sale and start there, plus they will last in the freezer a long time which spreads out the expense for needing to buy them less often. You will be less tempted to overeat if you focus on natural foods. Processed cheap foods keep you in craving stage. Just give it a try and see if your cravings are diminished.

Also, if you haven't done so, focus on endorsing yourself for the things you are doing successfully like working and being a caring mom and caring wife. This will help you to think better about yourself and help motivate you.

Welcome aboard. I can't really give any advice. I don't know what would be right for your situation. It is a lot to take in. I will pray for you. The only advice I can give you is maybe to see a professional. Maybe they can talk you through on how you feel. I hope things get better for you and your family.

Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassWelcome aboard. I can't really give any advice. I don't know what would be right for your situation. It is a lot to take in. I will pray for you. The only advice I can give you is maybe to see a professional. Maybe they can talk you through on how you feel. I hope things get better for you and your family.

Mandi, take care of your son and yourself first and foremost. Your husband is an adult. I don't care if he's somewhat disabled. He can still function if he can come to the kitchen to check out the shopping bags for goodies. That's HIS problem. Not yours. Let it go. You are going to have to just breathe and let some of this roll off your back.

As for you "doing life alone" ....you're not. Your son is with you and CAN be with you every step of the way. Children need guidance on how to live healthy lifestyles.

Be MORE than his mom. Be his EXAMPLE.

He's six. I'm sure he loves spending time with you no matter what you're doing. Insist that your son help with meal preperation. Something easy, like scrubbing potatoes, using measureing cups and spoons, WEIGHING your servings on a food scale.... Have him help with dishes after, then get out of the house and AWAY from the poisonous, unhealthy., unhappy atmosphere and GO FOR A WALK with your son. Every evening. Just the two of you.

I'm betting your husband will either get sick of waiting for you to wait on him to DO something constructive with his life and will join you guys living it..... OR you will come to terms that you maybe want and deserve something more for yourself and your son, and are willing to make the adjustments needed to get it.

Either way, it'll be an improvement on your current situation.

huggsk

Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassMandi, take care of your son and yourself first and foremost. Your husband is an adult. I don't care if he's somewhat disabled. He can still function if he can come to the kitchen to check out the shopping bags for goodies. That's HIS problem. Not yours. Let it go. You are going to have to just breathe and let some of this roll off your back.

As for you "doing life alone" ....you're not. Your son is with you and CAN be with you every step of the way. Children need guidance on how to live healthy lifestyles.

Be MORE than his mom. Be his EXAMPLE.

He's six. I'm sure he loves spending time with you no matter what you're doing. Insist that your son help with meal preperation. Something easy, like scrubbing potatoes, using measureing cups and spoons, WEIGHING your servings on a food scale.... Have him help with dishes after, then get out of the house and AWAY from the poisonous, unhealthy., unhappy atmosphere and GO FOR A WALK with your son. Every evening. Just the two of you.

I'm betting your husband will either get sick of waiting for you to wait on him to DO something constructive with his life and will join you guys living it..... OR you will come to terms that you maybe want and deserve something more for yourself and your son, and are willing to make the adjustments needed to get it.

Welcome to the group! You have my sincerest sympathies. You are right. You need to focus on yourself and your son. If you get pushback from your husband, remind him that he needs you to survive in order to continue taking care of yoru family, and eating right will help you do that.

I have quite a few financial problems as well, and know well the dichotomy between "healthy" and "cheap." I can however tell you that a smaller amount of high quality food can cost the same as the low quality food, because you need to buy that in larger amounts to satisfy yourself. Eggs are actually a pretty good cheap protein substitute. I've found that starting with just one or two hard boiled eggs will really help my hunger cravings throughout the day.

I'm sure you already know about cutting out sugar and empty calories, and all the rest... you know how to do it, and we're here to help provide the motivation so you can. I wish you the best. I also wish you luck in open communication with your husband. If he's anything like my own spouse, he feels like the world gave him a raw deal (which it did) and he is probably terribly hurt in his pride, and sick and tired of feeling like a parasite. That can be really tough to work through, and leads easily to despair and just giving up.

You can do this, you can make it, and you and your son will be the better for it.

Roh

'Your focus determines your reality.' -QGJ

'Try not. Only do.' --Y

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassWelcome to the group! You have my sincerest sympathies. You are right. You need to focus on yourself and your son. If you get pushback from your husband, remind him that he needs you to survive in order to continue taking care of yoru family, and eating right will help you do that.

I have quite a few financial problems as well, and know well the dichotomy between "healthy" and "cheap." I can however tell you that a smaller amount of high quality food can cost the same as the low quality food, because you need to buy that in larger amounts to satisfy yourself. Eggs are actually a pretty good cheap protein substitute. I've found that starting with just one or two hard boiled eggs will really help my hunger cravings throughout the day.

I'm sure you already know about cutting out sugar and empty calories, and all the rest... you know how to do it, and we're here to help provide the motivation so you can. I wish you the best. I also wish you luck in open communication with your husband. If he's anything like my own spouse, he feels like the world gave him a raw deal (which it did) and he is probably terribly hurt in his pride, and sick and tired of feeling like a parasite. That can be really tough to work through, and leads easily to despair and just giving up.

You can do this, you can make it, and you and your son will be the better for it.

You are doing the best thing for yourself in seeking out a support group. Hearing "You are not alone!" is the best thing when you are completely stressed.

As a CPA, I can tell you the huge load money worries add to anyone's life. Keeping a budget can reduce that stress for you. If you have never made one before, just start by keeping track of every penny you spend for the next month. That will get you started. Each month's budget will be slightly different because of irregular expenses like insurance. When I have had to rescue people and businesses from insolvency, I looked at the largest expenses first to see if any money could be saved. Then I would turn my attention to each item in turn cutting every penny possible out of the budget. When you have control and knowledge of your finances and are putting a little money by most months you will be relieved of one source of stress.

Can you get monetary help for more healthful foods from a church or charity in the area?

Love and Prayers coming your way,Sharon

CW 219 SW 265 GW 130 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.-Philippians 4:13

You are doing the best thing for yourself in seeking out a support group. Hearing "You are not alone!" is the best thing when you are completely stressed.

As a CPA, I can tell you the huge load money worries add to anyone's life. Keeping a budget can reduce that stress for you. If you have never made one before, just start by keeping track of every penny you spend for the next month. That will get you started. Each month's budget will be slightly different because of irregular expenses like insurance. When I have had to rescue people and businesses from insolvency, I looked at the largest expenses first to see if any money could be saved. Then I would turn my attention to each item in turn cutting every penny possible out of the budget. When you have control and knowledge of your finances and are putting a little money by most months you will be relieved of one source of stress.

Can you get monetary help for more healthful foods from a church or charity in the area?

Another thing just to think about, is healthy food doesn't have to be that expensive. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Do you buy chips for your family? You could easily buy a bunch of bananas or a bag of grapes for approximately the same price. A lot of produce is at it's best prices right now because it's the peak of the season. Take advantage of that.

-Kali

Starting weight: 198 Current weight: 191

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassAnother thing just to think about, is healthy food doesn't have to be that expensive. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. Do you buy chips for your family? You could easily buy a bunch of bananas or a bag of grapes for approximately the same price. A lot of produce is at it's best prices right now because it's the peak of the season. Take advantage of that.

Don't forget too, that overripe fruits and veggies are often marked down for quick sale. Bananas are always available like this... like Kali says, take advantage of these types of reduced healthy foods...

Overripe bananas can be peeled , ziplocked and frozen for using in healthy smoothies, That banana "icecream" that isn't icecream, flavoring reg oatmeal which is cheaper by far than those packets, putting in baked goods, etc.....

and this time of year, it's canning time. You can help your wallet quite a bit if you take a day a week and can your own tomato salsas, stewed tomatoes, tomato sauce and pastes.....

Corn on the cob is readily avail and CHEAP right now. Buy a bunch of quart freezer containers or ziplocks, poach your corn ears and cut the corn off the cobs, bag and freeze... OR use Gallon sized freezer bags and poach your cobs, cut in half and freeze mini ears.

Avocados are easily peeled , cut in half and frozen. They freeze well if each half is wrapped in plastic wrap then a bunch thrown into a freezer bag and frozen.These make great Guacamole lightly blended and mixed with tomatoes w/ green chilis , a little lime juice and some chili powder.Avocado soups are super healthy.Or check out our recipes on RESOURCES for smoothies made with frozen avocados.

there are lots of ways to eat healthier and still stay on budget.

huggsk

Kim SW 252 CW 177.8 GW 135

If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.---author anonymous

If you are going through Hell,keep going.-- Winston Churchill

Thanks for your Reply!

Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassDon't forget too, that overripe fruits and veggies are often marked down for quick sale. Bananas are always available like this... like Kali says, take advantage of these types of reduced healthy foods...

Overripe bananas can be peeled , ziplocked and frozen for using in healthy smoothies, That banana "icecream" that isn't icecream, flavoring reg oatmeal which is cheaper by far than those packets, putting in baked goods, etc.....

and this time of year, it's canning time. You can help your wallet quite a bit if you take a day a week and can your own tomato salsas, stewed tomatoes, tomato sauce and pastes.....

Corn on the cob is readily avail and CHEAP right now. Buy a bunch of quart freezer containers or ziplocks, poach your corn ears and cut the corn off the cobs, bag and freeze... OR use Gallon sized freezer bags and poach your cobs, cut in half and freeze mini ears.

Avocados are easily peeled , cut in half and frozen. They freeze well if each half is wrapped in plastic wrap then a bunch thrown into a freezer bag and frozen.These make great Guacamole lightly blended and mixed with tomatoes w/ green chilis , a little lime juice and some chili powder.Avocado soups are super healthy.Or check out our recipes on RESOURCES for smoothies made with frozen avocados.

Another thing that usually goes on sale is strawberries. Usually they will go on sale and if you take some time to root through the boxes to find the non-mushy or moldy ones, you can find several good boxes at a super cheap price. Freeze em whole or sliced up. Use in smoothies, as toppings for pancakes, cereal, oatmeal, etc.

-Kali

Starting weight: 198 Current weight: 191

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassAnother thing that usually goes on sale is strawberries. Usually they will go on sale and if you take some time to root through the boxes to find the non-mushy or moldy ones, you can find several good boxes at a super cheap price. Freeze em whole or sliced up. Use in smoothies, as toppings for pancakes, cereal, oatmeal, etc.

I am trying, got my list ready for the farmer's market this weekend, new development over the past couple of days, my husband who is only 46 thought he was having a heart attack and my luck I had a tire blow on my new car on the way! This has been a trying time, it seems like things just keep coming, but I am strong and I will not let this hold me back.

Mandi H.

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassI am trying, got my list ready for the farmer's market this weekend, new development over the past couple of days, my husband who is only 46 thought he was having a heart attack and my luck I had a tire blow on my new car on the way! This has been a trying time, it seems like things just keep coming, but I am strong and I will not let this hold me back.

Things are better...Thanks goodness...lol...able to laugh a little bit at all this craziness....alot at one time but that happens to us all at some point...no longer feeling down, ready to take charge and kick my own tail in gear. It is great to be inspired~~

Mandi H.

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Report This| Share this:10 years after gastic bypassThings are better...Thanks goodness...lol...able to laugh a little bit at all this craziness....alot at one time but that happens to us all at some point...no longer feeling down, ready to take charge and kick my own tail in gear. It is great to be inspired~~

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