Even with 84.7 percent of major leaguers on the disabled list or “shut down” until mid-June, baseball begins today — make that tonight — with the traditional Rangers-Astros game on ESPN, played for the annual Chris Berman Applebee’s Three-Cheese Ultra SlimFast Crock Pot.

ESPN is going to throw another new A-team at us, with John Kruk replacing Terry Francona (who replaced Bobby Valentine, who, at long, merciful end, replaced Joe Morgan) to work with Dan Shulman and Orel Hershiser.

Who knows how that will work out, but couldn’t ESPN have given Shulman and Hershiser a shot at a two-man booth for a while?

Kruk has been an ESPN studio man since he was hired as a court jester in 2004. But, because forced is the natural enemy of funny, Kruk’s presence often produced phony laughter from co-panelists.

So now stick him in the booth during games? Sure, why not? Remember, ESPN’s primary goal is to get you to watch the next thing — even if you’re watching what ESPN succeeded in getting you to watch.

Which brings us to Vin Scully, 85, who tomorrow begins his 64th season calling Dodgers games. He apparently plans to keep going until he gets one right.

It is highly unlikely Scully, if he were today a young man, could get a second audition from ESPN or any TV or radio entity that broadcasts baseball. Scully works without gimmicks and prefers to work alone. That he is a thoughtful, literate speaker of baseball, disinclined to parrot the latest, foolish expressions, would work against him.

Today, if it were John Sterling vs. Vin Scully? No contest — Sterling would get the job.

Then there’s Tim McCarver, who last week gave notice to FOX that this year, his 55th in The Game, will be his last.

In 2013 only a small percentage of baseball viewers can recall McCarver as an over-achieving catcher for the Cardinals throughout the 1960s.

Strange, but a mention of McCarver brings to my mind Rickey Henderson, of all people, and those “experts” who label him the “best base runner in history.”

In 1966, McCarver led the majors with 13 triples. Among catchers, only Carlton Fisk, with nine in 1972, also did.

McCarver, in 5,529 at-bats, had 57 triples. Henderson, faster and with more power, in 10,961 ABs, had just 66 triples. That’s because “the greatest base runner” actually was among the worst, choosing to reach third either by home run or by stealing it.

Henderson was the greatest base-stealer, but, as McCarver and scores of others proved, he was antithetical to good base-running.

Oh, well, Play ball! … And see if you can stay awake past the sixth inning.

Radio will be toe-to-toe in fight for baseball rights

Tomorrow at Citi Field, ESPN Radio-NY, now with Mets’ games in Spanish on 1050 AM, unfurls its booth banner — which will double as a shot across the bow of WFAN’s booth.

Within two weeks, the exclusive renegotiation window for CBS Radio to renew Yankees (WCBS, 880 AM) and Mets (WFAN, 660 AM and now 101.9 FM) rights expires. CBS very much wants to renew both teams, and is believed to have its top corporate execs closely monitoring the talks.

Ah, but both teams know ESPN-NY (98.7 FM) at least as much wants one or the other. Next season’s radio winners and losers could be determined as early as May 1.

* Mike Francesa remains the gift that can’t stop giving. Miami impressively won its first two games in the NCAA Tournament, so Francesa, feigning season-long insight, next predictably picked Miami to win it all. Dum-de-dum-dum.

His expert predictions also are predictable in that by regularly picking the favorites he immediately cements their doom. Miami, a 5 1/2-point favorite against Marquette was smoked Thursday. Only in the first seven of 40 minutes was it even close. The Francesa Factor!

In Biblical times King Mikey would have declared, “Behold! This vast body of water is just a little bit sick. Nothing to worry about, my slaves! Now go forth and finish my pyramid!” The next day, wham-o! — the Dead Sea.

As reader Ray Daley noted Tuesday, “Mike just said on the air that he plans to live to 120. Clearly, he put himself at high risk not to make it through the night.”

* Now that the Yankees have sued StubHub to remove its outlet from near Yankee Stadium — the Yankees disingenuously claim “scalping” within 1,500 feet of a ballpark is illegal (StubHub resold tickets far below face-value) — why stop there?

Surely, the Yankees now will sue its affiliated, just-across-the-street garage for price-gouging, charging $35-$45 to park. Sure, they will.

UT scoop from ESPN unlikely

Given that ESPN now has an exclusive regional contract with University of Texas athletics, it should be able to deliver the inside story on the choices made by so many Longhorns football stars.

Last week, the Giants’ 6-foot-4, 340-pound, 34-year-old DT Shaun Rogers, a UT man, apparently lost the $500,000 worth of garish jewelry he was wearing — lost it to a pick-up “date” he escorted to a Miami Beach hotel. Not too bright, for a college man.

Then there’s UT’s superstar QB and the No. 3 pick in the 2006 draft, Vince Young. His choices left him broke, having blown $35 million, leaving him unable to pay the $300,000 bill for the birthday party he threw for himself in 2011.

How did Texas student-athletics serve such fellows’ best post-college financial interests and social development? Certainly, ESPN now can provide those answers.

Or will we have to wait, oh, 15 years to see it in an independent documentary within ESPN’s “30 for 30”?

* Among the contemporary silliness heard throughout this NCAA Tournament is the obligatory hollering — as if they had just seen the Hindenburg explode — of TV and radio court-siders following a dunk, any dunk; doesn’t matter if the guy’s 6-foot-10.

* In 2011, Roger Goodell was paid $29.5 million. Now, the NY/NJ Super Bowl host committee is looking for 15,000-20,000 volunteers to help out during Super Bowl week — no game tickets included, but they can buy as many “good investment” PSLs as they wish.

* SNY studio anchor Kirk Gimenez apparently is so tight with local pros that he calls them by their nicknames, including, “K-Mart” and “D-Wright.” Wonder if Kenyon Martin or David Wright could pick him out of a two-man lineup.

* Reader Alan Hirschberg asks a good question: Hofstra last week fired basketball coach Mo Cassara after a 7-25 season in which six players were arrested. But what if Hofstra had finished 25-7?