Get your rosary off my ovaries! It’s my body! Tell your Church to worry about their own problems—they’ve got enough of them.

Pro-lifers have heard this and more. Do you ignore them? Do you educate them on the Church or about the sacredness of life? Perhaps the most powerful response is to take the opportunity to reach the angry person in front of you.

Abortion is a subject of the heart, not one for philosophy or morality according to Vicki Thorn, the founder of Project Rachel and the Executive Director of the National office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In her years of experience, even before she was involved in post-abortive ministries, she learned to just listen. It was listening that led her to begin a ministry to help woman (and men) heal from abortion.

Listening Opens Hearts

In high school and then later in the secular world while working in the apartment management industry, Thorn heard stories of pain. She wanted to help heal that pain and understood from listening, that most abortions happen out of fear and ignorance. Regret comes later. Denial and anger may also come to hide from the pain. Inside an angry person is often a heart that is afraid to grieve.

“The people that come at you so angry or come at a priest full of anger, are hurting inside,” Thorn said. Instead of lecturing or lashing back, she suggests asking: “Would you mind telling me why you feel so angry?”

According to Thorn, a person will feel that someone cares if they are willing to listen. “Then say, ‘Thank you, now I understand,’ and say no more,” she said. “The person feels you listened and didn’t argue. You made a connection with them.”

Thorn suggested laying a comforting hand on a shoulder or arm for even 20 seconds to make the connection even stronger. “It can open up their heart that someone cared enough to ask,” Thorn said. “Understanding their story takes nothing away from our effectiveness.”

Stories of Conversion

In her years of pro-life work since the 1970s, Thorn said she’s never known anyone that was argued into the movement but she knows a lot of people that were loved into it. She used the example of the notorious abortionist Bernard Nathanson who helped legalize abortion then later became one of the great leaders in the pro-life movement. Through the example of courage and love shown by pro-lifers, he eventually went from atheism to converting to the Catholic Church. In December of 1996 he was baptized, received Holy Communion and was confirmed by Cardinal John O’Connor in a private Mass in New York’s St. Patrick’s Cathedral.

My friend, pro-life artist and author Nellie Edwards, shared a story with me about praying outside an abortion facility in the state of Washington. “We were part of a Catholics United for Life group,” she explained. “A lady came up to us shrieking expletives and berating us for intruding on the rights of others.”

In the middle of her tirade, Edwards, sensing the women’s woundedness, felt inspired to gently ask, “Have you had an abortion yourself?”

A look of total anguish came over the woman’s face. Immediately, from the center of her being, she began to sob. “Then she recounted her story of how she had been coerced by the father and a best friend who did not want to hear about it later,” Edwards said. “It was clear she had stuffed it away and needed to legitimize it.”

Before the women left, everyone gave her a hug. “She then asked us for literature and said she would ever after be on the right side of life,” Edwards said. “I cry every time I think about it because it was amazing to see how God’s grace leaped into her heart and mind. It shows how important it is to pray and to love, never disparaging anyone. Even when people left from the abortion facility, we would tell them that we were there because we loved and cared about them.”

My apologies regarding the double posting. When I didn’t see the first one post yesterday, I assumed I had exceeded the 400 word limit or some other difficulty had arisen. I tried to restate my points in a somewhat less wordy manner. I do intend to act and argue consistent with the ideas I stated.

Posted by Ken on Monday, Jul, 24, 2017 11:05 AM (EDT):

@ Ednah, can’t open your links but I suspect it is nothing but pro abortion propaganda, and if true at all represents a miniscule percentage of pro lifers. Now I could attest to countless instances of hatred and vitriol by abortion supporters directed against pro life advocates.

Posted by John Flaherty on Sunday, Jul, 23, 2017 12:05 PM (EDT):

GW, I intend to vigorously oppose much of what you propose. I expect you originally intend to “meet people where they are”; I cannot agree to your approach. Being pro-life does not require adopting socialism, providing free health care to women and children. Nor must we surrender to “pro-choice” narratives. No, being pro-life requires provoking Our society to recognize the deceit and death inherent within the “pro-choice” argument. It also means We provoke the various levels of government to recognize the consequences of people’s actions: Unplanned pregnancy will create particular financial and time requirements; people had best reconsider their relationships and behavior.

If we wish people to thrive, We insist on recognizing Our nation’s Judeo-Christian roots; teach morals, chastity, and responsibility, not “safe” sex and gender-bending idiocy. Actually, focus on teaching reading, writing, history, philosophy, math, and the fine arts.

I intend to insist that pro-life means that an unborn person be given the chance to struggle with life, if needed. If I would be verbally thrashed for it, ...such has happened many times already. It’d be nice to be able to “compromise” with the other side; such intentions have mostly lead to surrender to an opposing view.

Only by returning to Our own religious and capitalistic principles will we solve these problems.

Posted by John Flaherty on Sunday, Jul, 23, 2017 4:37 AM (EDT):

I’ll be frank, GW: I intend to oppose your definition of “pro-life” and the socialism you advocate. If it’s hypocritical and authoritarian to forbid abortion, remember that We, the People, could also demand that “sex raids” be conducted; any couple found copulating without a marriage license could be jailed in sex-segregated cells. In fact, if anyone has authoritarian tendencies, such would be those who advocate “choice”, yet demand that crisis pregnancy centers give referrals to abortion mills.

I also reject your demand for free medical care for women and children. Services for both do cost time, money, and effort, women can certainly be responsible for their own care, and for their own dependents. I intend to provide for my spouse and children—should I ever marry—and those whom I deem it reasonable to support, however briefly. Your proposal won’t provoke anyone toward being moral, but manipulative. We can’t pay people to become virtuous.

I agree that professionals should be given better paths to education; I do not agree to your proposal about wages. Parents who seek to raise decently educated children will work together as needed to ensure such. If this means uneven education, that will happen regardless. We cannot expect society to develop Honor Roll students from households with indifferent or negligent parents, nor from the demands of unions or Departments of Education.

If we wish for our children to flourish, let them be taught Judeo-Christian morals, the responsibility that comes with that, reading, writing, the Fine Arts, history, and sound philosophy. Let’s ditch the secular progressive and gender-bending rubbish we’ve been negligent enough to allow.

If someone wishes to brand us “pro-birth”, let us embrace the barb wholeheartedly, reminding the opponent that such a label gives someone a chance to thrive in spite of the negativity and bile they might suffer.
Put simply, it’s long since past time that we remind the world about redemptive suffering.

Posted by Ednah on Saturday, Jul, 22, 2017 11:19 PM (EDT):

Here is a link about the number of abortion clinics where “prolifers” harass patients.https://feminist.org/blog/index.php/2017/02/09/over-one-third-of-u-s-abortion-clinics-experience-severe-violence-and-harassment-according-to-new-feminist-majority-foundation-survey/

Here is a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0i9ft7jlyk0

Posted by GW on Saturday, Jul, 22, 2017 5:39 PM (EDT):

Ms Armstrong has a few good points and misses something that goes to the heart of our argument: that the pro-choice argument that we’re really only pro-birth is correct.

Catholic Charities will provide some support for pregnant women in most parts of the country, and in a few areas the new mother can get some additional support as well. But that’s about it.

It’s long past time for us to recognize the hypocrtical nature of arguing that small-government conservatism meshes with an authoritarian approach to abortion. Accept that attempts to limit access are unconstitutional. Take a different approach.

Demand that our elected representatives put families and children on the high priority they deserve - maybe not equal to the military, but a close second, and especially above old people like me.

While we work like hell to repeal Obamacare, demand also that no pregnant woman or her child pays to go to the doctor.

If we care about the kids, provide for them.

Propose that we overhaul Education and outlaw unions, BUT ALSO propose that we build 50% more schools, staffed by 50% more teachers who earn 50% more money.

Make room for children to grow and flourish. That costs money.

Make sure that their teachers can be, in addition to professional educators, the retired engineer, fighter pilot, the young businessperson, and the talented professional.
Innovation costs money, and failure MUST be tolerated.

Consider for a moment what actions like these say to the pro-choice person who correctly alleges that we are only pro-birth. Think about what proposals such as that will do to their political coalition.

Posted by Ken on Friday, Jul, 21, 2017 11:49 AM (EDT):

“How many times have I heard that women are literally destroyed after an abortion? Contrast that with the claim that “women are aborting their fetuses at an alarming rate”. I can’t imagine they are wringing their hands in mental anguish!” MorganB, I would recommend you speak to someone at Silent No More or Project Rachel if you don’t believe in the devastation that so many women experience in the aftermath of abortion. It is real, and common, believe me.

Posted by Ken on Thursday, Jul, 20, 2017 4:48 PM (EDT):

Furthermore Jean is playing off of the stereotypical pro abortion media narrative that portray pro lifers as a bunch of deranged fringe lunatics. I would invite people like Jean to just once attend the National March for Life in DC and see first hand how that portrayal is complete nonsense. Now watch some footage of the “Womens” march if you want to see real lunacy. Contrast and compare. I believe that Jean just makes things up to try to bolster her arguments.

Posted by mrscracker on Thursday, Jul, 20, 2017 4:27 PM (EDT):

Posted by Jean on Wednesday, Jul, 19, 2017 5:45 PM (EDT):

I invite the author and the readers to come to my town and watch the good pro-lifers manifest their anger across the street from a women’s clinic.”
***********
Well, please share the location so we can verify that. Thanks.

Posted by MorganB on Thursday, Jul, 20, 2017 3:48 PM (EDT):

How many times have I heard that women are literally destroyed after an abortion? Contrast that with the claim that “women are aborting their fetuses at an alarming rate”. I can’t imagine they are wringing their hands in mental anguish! To help mitigate the suffering Florida, along with other states, has implemented a 24hr waiting period before the procedure is performed. The Florida high court recently placed a hold on the new law. Reasoning that the state was “invading” a woman’s privacy. I don’t agree with frivolous abortion on demand, but I am having no difficulty seeing the court’s position. Texas extended their law to 48 hours. Who monitors the woman during the waiting period? And, if she and her doctor violate the wait what punishment is meted out? I believe that this awful difficult decision MUST be left to the woman, her doctor, her family and her God.

Posted by Joanne S. on Thursday, Jul, 20, 2017 3:38 PM (EDT):

I’ve prayed outside killing centers many, many times and never, ever, seen the conduct from pro lifers you describe, Jean. I HAVE seen pro abortion people curse and threaten pro lifers numerous times. It’s wonderful to care for the poor, but the greatest poverty is not seeing the dignity of each human being, born AND unborn. Anyone who has worked in the pro life movement not only defends the unborn, but supports mothers after their babies are born.

Posted by Ken on Thursday, Jul, 20, 2017 2:34 PM (EDT):

@ Patti, I completely agree with you. I have been praying at abortion clinics, specifically a late term one for quite some time now and I have never seen what Jean describes, as a matter of fact quite the opposite. The counselors and those in prayer always treat the mothers with love and respect. If there is screaming it is normally from the other side. But if you’ve been reading these comments on NCR long enough you would know that Jean has an agenda and it is certainly in no way pro life, at least as preborn children are concerned. Thank you for your witness.

Posted by Patti on Thursday, Jul, 20, 2017 7:38 AM (EDT):

Jean, That is so sad to here that people would behave so aggressively outside an abortion facility. I’ve prayed outside several in several states, and never saw that sort of behavior. And throwing a rosary at someone? Not only have I never seen anything like that but I would think that anyone around that behavior would advise the person to stop that. It’s odd that you treat fighting poverty as more pro-life as fighting abortion or act like pro-life Catholics don’t also care about that. The many pro-life Catholics I know are passionate about life from birth until natural death.

Posted by John Flaherty on Wednesday, Jul, 19, 2017 11:33 PM (EDT):

To be frank, I’m REALLY tired of reading these missives about how we must learn to listen to women and love them to change their minds. If argument outside the abortuary will not help, neither will empathy for the most part. I’ve been “listening” to women for some 30 years; I’ve prayed outside abortion mills on several occasions. I have yet to meet even one woman who wishes to listen or seek a willing ear. Then too, I have heard grown men, often fathers or boyfriends, shouting epithets across parking lots. I have also seen and heard women (young and old) shouting epithets as they drove by, even throwing items on occasion.
I think we need to continue to pray outside abortion mills, while refraining from much contact with those who enter the building. I also think we need to seek to have abortion legally forbidden, and “safe sex” education to also teach chastity. Only when we have insisted that moral laws should exist will we see abortion be even reduced.
I think we should NOT agree to fund welfare programs. Such failed miserably during the 90s and mostly serves to bully us into a socialist state, not address a social and moral problem. I think it wonderful to donate to crisis pregnancy centers; I also think we must admit that we can’t support a woman’s child after birth for very long. Each woman will need to decide that she will raise her own child, ...or seek adoption. I DO think it would be wise to improve adoption laws, the better for reluctant mothers to allow their children to live, but not be “burdened” with them. ...I also think we would be wise to allow for orphanage facilities to exist again, preferably supported by churches and civic organizations, not government.

On the whole, I do not believe this “listening” and “empathy” will accomplish much.

Posted by Tom on Wednesday, Jul, 19, 2017 8:49 PM (EDT):

Here’s the path forward on pro-life.

This video takes place at Google.

Stephanie Gray. Honest, smart, convincing. Art.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzzfSq2DEc4&t=360s

Posted by Bill on Wednesday, Jul, 19, 2017 8:38 PM (EDT):

@Jean

Not buying the story. Not for a nanosecond.

Posted by jon on Wednesday, Jul, 19, 2017 8:16 PM (EDT):

Thanks for the article.

Meanwhile, Francis continues the usual.

Posted by Jean on Wednesday, Jul, 19, 2017 5:45 PM (EDT):

I invite the author and the readers to come to my town and watch the good pro-lifers manifest their anger across the street from a women’s clinic. If this is what you mean by “love”... gosh, I would at least qualify it as very tough love!!! Pro-life protesters throw holy water at women without even knowing if this or that woman entering the facility is going there for an abortion. They yell insults, they call them sinners, they hold cards that blatantly state that “these” women are going to hell (here I was believing that God determined that, not humans!), and I could go on. I even saw, recently, a pro-lifer throw a rosary at a woman entering that facility. Yes, tough love! I sincerely believed that a rosary was an “instrument” to stay close to God! Luckily, I also notice a trend in our community where my fellow Catholics are now totally dissociating themselves from the pro-life movement. I know of some of them who now giver their donations to fight poverty INSTEAD of fighting with the pro-life people. In one sense, that is good because my fellow Catholics are now realizing that we also need to be pro-life AFTER birth!! A refreshing change!

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Patti Armstrong is an award-winning author and was the managing editor and co-author of Ascension Press’ bestselling Amazing Grace series. Her latest books are: Big Hearted: Inspiring Stories From Everyday Families and Dear God, You Can’t Be Serious. She has a B.A. in social work and an M.A. in public administration and worked in both those fields before staying home to work as a freelance writer. Patti and her husband live in North Dakota, where they are still raising the tail end of their 10 children.