Sunday, June 30, 2013

A Case of Mistaken Identity- Cat Drama

I obviously can't be trusted to update here regularly, but I have some very dramatic business to report. It's dramatic cat business.

So there's a new cat in our neighborhood. She's a big, long-haired calico beast, so I obviously named her Bowie's Cousin. So Bowie's Cousin (let's call her BC for short) likes to come to our yard and pick fights with our mighty warrior Jezebel Lincoln. No big deal. There has to be a cat in our neighborhood to pick fights with Jezebel at all times or else the world doesn't feel right.

One fateful night last week, I was laying on the couch reading trashy, trashy vampire/shapeshifter business at 9:30, wondering if I would be a lame old lady if I just went to bed. Jezebel was sitting in the open window. BC showed up outside, and Jezebel and BC started doing their pre-fight meows and howls. Bowie was sitting under the window. The BC did some unseen thing that made Jezebel hiss and jump out of the window. Then she sees Bowie, our sweet little calico, and thinks it's BC. She then kicks the shit out of Bowie. There is a lot of chasing around the house. At first it seemed fine, but Bowie was making serious sad, hurt noises, so Chainsaw broke up the brawl, suffering talon injuries to his tender hand and wrist meats.

Dangerous weapons. Jezebel has a concealed carry permit.

Bowie was hiding under the couch. I was able to drag her out. She was wet, and we discovered it was PEE. I found the pee zone and cleaned it up. Then I was wondering if she peed under the couch as well, so we moved the couch to find that she was so scared she lost control of her b-hole under our couch. GREAT. So 20 minutes before this I was thinking about going to bed, and instead I'm cleaning under our couch for the first time in months at 10pm. Think old toys, piles of cat hair, missing shoes, and, of course, cat poop.

Bowie's poor skronked up honker.

When I finally went to bed, Chainsaw decided to carry Bowie upstairs because she loves nothing more than going to bed with me. Jezebel decided to come upstairs at the same time, and Bowie freaked out. Chainsaw was covered in cat pee, and suffered more talon wounds to his neck, back, and was now sporting a serious tiger scratch down the front of his chest. DANGER!

These adorable freckled paws will tear your shit up.

And now, several days later, Bowie is still pee her pants terrified of Jezebel. She hides out all day under our bed or behind our bookshelf, and only comes down to eat or drink once at night when I coax her out of hiding, wrap her in a towel, and carry her downstairs to the food zone. I'm playing a really fun game called "Find the Pee" on account of the fact that I'm pretty sure she has terror peed in several places throughout our domicile. My mom is coming in less than a week, and my house smells. GREAT.

Jezebel is sad because she doesn't understand why her special love friend is a mean, growling demon toward her now. Poor kitties!

Special love friends.

I quit my day job recently, and I've been plowing away at new HB creations in my Creation Zone (aka the basement). I'm getting ready for The Festival in the Park in South Dakota next month. I'll update soon on that business. My etsy shop is pretty well stocked on my new phone wallets (as well as small ones!). Check it out! Be back as soon as I can (probably 6 months, but I hope not! haha).