Geller's penis on the road to recovery

Uri Geller's penis was well enough to take some soup and wave to fans from his hospital bed last night.

The charasmatic bellend sat up in bed, surrounded by cards and flowers sent by adoring fans and told reporters of his horrific ordeal. "The 'wankathon' had been arranged for weeks and Uri was really excited about it, he kept talking about being famous again and, although I was skeptical, I hadn't the heart to let him down."

Mr Geller is still on a life support machine after he and his appendage parted company at speed during the BBC's 'Children in Need' wankathon. "I had told him to slow down but Uri was just desperate to win, I think he would have done just about anything," wept Mr Penis, "As soon as he saw Noel Edmonds was catching up with him, he just lost control and...well, look what happened." he finished weakly.

Dr Julius Bumworthy told us last night, "Mr Penis has had a very lucky escape. It's just a shame that Mr Geller was so reckless in his pursuit of fame. This could have been a double tragedy. On a lighter note, Mr Penis will make a full recovery and I must say it is an honour and a privilege to have him here at St Guy's."

Messages of support continued to flood in to the hospital today, along with telegrams from the Queen, the Pope and ex President Bill Clinton.

"I am overwhelmed with the love that has been shown to me but I would urge people not to forget about Uri," said Mr Penis with characteristic humility, "he too has been through a lot and so far has only recieved a postcard addressed to Sarah Michelle Geller,a box of matchmakers from Keith Cheggwin and 35 death threats."

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