Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

How can i get the MIL to stop scolding my daughter before i can?

I already talked to DH about it but he just stood up for his mom and told me my parenting skills were messed up!! My oldest (who is almost 3) was acting up a lil bit before we went to the zoo and i was rushing around trying to get everything ready...before i could even say anything she yelled at my daughter and told her that if she doesn't behave that Anna (her NEWBORN sister), mommy and daddy will go to the zoo without her. I am sorry but you do not tell a 3 yr old that...i have been so blessed that she has not been jealous with the new baby around but that kind of stuff is going to make even more mad. And we are trying to get her off the nookie right now. and the other day MIL grabbed the nookie out of her mouth and stuck it in the babies mouth and said you are a big girl you cannot have nookies they are only for babies! lets just say she set us back alot because of that and she was bawling her eyes out.....

Well as long as your DH is siding w/his mom it's not going to get better. What you need first is to have your hubby and yourself on the same page: i.e. that disciplining our children is OUR responsibility and OUR responsibility only. (unless someone else is babysitting). If DH isn't on the same page, confronting your MIL will just cause more problems.... I wish the best of LUCK!!

Just let her know how you feel, in a nice way. Let her know that you appreciate her help but this is causing tention in your household.I know how frustrating it can be to have interference from another party even when they're only tring to help. It is also confusing for the little one who is alredy tring to ajust to having her space envaded. So it is healther to speak up than to stay silent.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 10:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2008

I had a prob with my MIL also... but my hubby was on my side..so for him not to be, can be hard.. just talk to her, and let her know of the things you are trying to do with her.. and that certin things just wont work.. wish u the best

DID YOU TELL HER? SHE UNDOUBTEDLY RAISED HER KIDS THAT WAY AND NEEDS A CHILL PILL! TELL HER...WE don't talk like that to the kids since we know this...and let her know! Many older females-I am one of them-want the truth since we think we are speaking it a lot from our "expertise" at raising kids. Lovign MIL are not like this. Maybe she really is taking some of this "parenting know-how" on the kids out on them because she harbors some stuff with you? Try to make friends if she lets you and if not, stop asking her to dinner and activities. If she asks why-tell her. Hold onto your hat though-she won't go easily!

I think that your MIL was right for disciplining her before the zoo, but what she SAID was wrong. When toddlers are misbehaving, you really should discipline them right away. I know you said you were busy, but you could've asked MIL or DH to finish packing for you while you take care of your DD. You should talk with your DH and both of you need to agree on HOW you're BOTH going to discipline the kids... then tell your MIL that THIS is how you're going to do it & you'd appreciate if she would either help or stay out of it. As for the pacifier... try cutting the very tip of the pacifier off so that it loses it's shape when she sucks on it. She'll probably decide that she doesn't like it anymore... and every time you give her the paci, make sure it's one with the tips cut off. She won't know that you did it. It might piss her off at first, but she'll give up. Good luck with everything.

You need to talk to your husband get him to understand that you two need to be on the same page and HE needs to talk to his mother and tell her that discipling YOUR daughter should NOT happen unless absolutely necessary. My MIL is never around I am very lucky!