Microsoft has admitted that Windows 8 caused a 25% drop in sales, but denied that ‘panic’ had influenced their decision to hurriedly launch a new tablet controlled by tongue.

“While we’ve not done any research yet, we’re pretty sure people are bored with using their thumbs”, insisted Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

“People can develop a really personal relationship with their gadgets, and sometimes fingering just isn’t enough to satisfy that.”

Using a new advanced name for glass that responds to inputs made by saliva, Windows 9 has left fanboys drooling to be the first to get their mouths on the device.

Critics gave a mixed response when given the chance to test out a prototype, although some may have been influenced by what the previous reviewer had eaten recently, or how well they brushed their teeth.

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