Director Of Die Hard Is Going To Jail

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John McTiernan, the director of the original Die Hard, will likely be trading in his dirty tank top for a prison jumpsuit in the near future. McTiernan, also known for Predator and The Hunt for Red October, failed to get the US Supreme Court to review his appeal on a guilty plea to wiretapping.

Mr McTiernan was originally accused of lying about hiring former celebrity private investigator Anthony Pellicano to wiretap film producer, Chuck Roven, after they both worked on the movie Rollerball.

McTiernan had plead guilty initially in 2006 when he learned that the FBI had a recording of the two men discussing the wiretap, but later changed his mind and withdrew the plea. You know, because that won’t make you look guilty at all.

I find it hilarious that the man who directed some of the most memorable action films of the 1980s got into all of this over the 2002 remake of Rollerball.

Really, John? Really? You hired a man to wiretap someone over Rollerball, a film that I had to Wikipedia to make sure it was real? A film that has a 3% on Rotten Tomatoes? A film that was fucking headlined by LL Cool J? What the fuck were you thinking? Was that movie really worth taking the risk of spending every morning shower guarding your ass from some angry felon’s Nakatomi Tower?

If you wanted to wiretap someone after The Last Action Hero or The Thomas Crown Affair, by all means go for it. After successes like those, no one could touch you. But when your movie flops, you need to cool it until you put out something watchable again.

The good news is that McTiernan will likely already have a friend on the inside.

Mr Pellicano was convicted of 78 crimes at two separate trials in 2008 for obtaining the private records of a number of Hollywood stars including Sylvester Stallone.

Out of all the celebrities in the world, why would you want to fuck with Sly Stallone? The man ended the Cold War by single-handedly beating a fucking Soviet killing machine to a pulp with his fists. You don’t want piss off someone like that. Honestly, 15 years in prison is much easier punishment than being out where Sly can find you. Have you seen that guy lately? He is ‘roided out of his fucking mind, and he can take as much as he wants, because no one cares if an actor juices.

In spite of the incredible likelihood that McTiernan actually committed the crimes he’s accused of, he may still be able to get away it. While Pellicano was found guilty of 78 crimes in 2008, he was not specifically found guilty of wiretapping Roven, and McTiernan was actually only found guilty of lying to the FBI.

But John, no matter what the final verdict is, there’s really only one think you can say: