Anastasia Ashley Needs You

Have you ever felt the urge to replenish your body’s essential nutrients between the hours of 12 and 2 o’clock? Have devastatingly short shorts ever stopped your crusade to do so?

If you’ve answered yes to both of the above questions then you know the pains of professional something Anastasia Ashley. Recently, whilst seeking out a midday meal in her humble town of Newport Beach, Ashley was denied service to Gulfstream – a fine dining establishment whose “local favorites include the Pacific red snapper with rock shrimp zydeco sauce and New Orleans barbecue shrimp served in an iron skillet.”

Outraged, Stasia posted this:

@zombiebradpitt is a true detective.

Inconceivable! Injustice! Zydeco sauce!?

Gulfstream, a part of the Hillstone Restaurant group, had this to say about the incident.

“Look, Ana is a frequent customer of ours. She comes in almost every Wednesday, orders a grilled cheese and three glasses of champagne, and dances in her chair while eating at patio table 12 (the one she deems has the “best lighting”) On this specific day, she came in wearing what looked to be a pair of shorts from Baby Gap and a table cloth draped over a set of particularly protruding baby hangers. I ain’t hatin’, but my boss would kill me if he saw her eating out there looking like that sitting next to the North America Vice President of Tesla. Ya feel?”

Understanding of his logic and somewhat confused by his overtly casual tailspin of a statement, I decided that the best thing to do was to reach out to Ashley in this time of need. It’s obvious that she needs a pair of longer shorts for occasions like these, and contrary to what most of her Instagram followers might think, most public establishments might agree. So if you want Anastasia to be able to enjoy the pleasures of lunch, or any meal outside of her home for that matter, then click here: