Darth Vader Talking As Child Anakin Skywalker Is So Precious I Want To Pinch His Little Psychopathic Cheeks — VIDEO

I have a confession to make: My first ever crush was on Anakin Skywalker from The Phantom Menace. I was 8 years old and had never watched a Star Wars movie in my entire bb life, when lo and behold, there he was on the cover of my Nickelodeon magazine. Something stirred in my third grade self in that moment I opened the mailbox to his face. That tarp wearing, messy-haired, doofy little kid was the tops. So I'm willing to bet nobody is quite as excited about this video of Darth Vader talking as child Anakin Skywalker as I am, because it is the ultimate in #TBT to my prepubescent confusion.

So you probably thought Vader was a pretty bad guy, what with all the senseless murdering and hunger for immeasurable power and what not. But after you watch this you will want to bake cookies with him and then take him out to the yard with a puppy to play fetch. It does make you a wee bit sad, remembering that this tyrannical overlord was once the most precious, cocky kid that Tattooine ever saw, but I'm gonna have to put my human decency on hold to laugh at Darth Vader exclaiming "Yippee!" every twenty seconds of this video.

Here are some of the precious moments you can look forward to:

A sadorable (that's sad/adorable) parallel between Leia and Amidala

The ultimate not-so-humble brag

Super awesome cool JEDI STUFF

And since we've already fallen in the wormhole back to 1999, here's Weird Al's bastardization of "American Pie" that played so many times on Radio Disney that my mom was ready to shut down the car and make us all walk home:

alyankovicVEVO on YouTube

OH MY GOD IT'S SO MUCH BETTER AS ADULT. This is what I'm doing all day. Don't text me. I'm very busy.