Pen
The pen is mightier than the sword, because no one has yet invented a ball point sword.

Pendent:
A ding in a ballpoint. – Joseph Leff

Pending:
A dent in a pigstry. – Joseph Leff

Penguin
A bird that dresses formally on every occasion.

Penny-Wise:
Smartest Penelope. – Joseph Leff

People Are Prone to Do This Exercise:
Pushups. – Joseph Leff

Per Diem Pay, To Ministers:
Our daily bread. – Joseph Leff

Perch
Fish kept in a cage

Perchance:
Bugs on a roost. – Joseph Leff

Perfect Timing
Being able to turn off “hot” and “cold” in the shower at the same time.

Perfume
(1) A gift that can cost a pretty scent.
(2) An odor that leaves you smell-bound.
(3) A best smeller.

Perking:
A royal feline. – Joseph Leff

Persian Rug:
Worn by bald men in Teheran. – Joseph Leff

Personal Foul
A chicken of your very own.

Personnel:
The 12th human being. – Joseph Leff

Perspex
Plastic spectacles

Perspire:
The limit on church bells. – Joseph Leff

Perverse:
How poets get paid. – Joseph Leff

Pessimist
(1) A person who finds bad news in fortune cookies.
(2) Someone who hangs around delicatessens because he is always expecting the wurst.
(3) A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.