The last boyfriend I had (9 years ago) got married over the weekend and it was timed perfectly with finding out that my dad has to get another PET scan to see if his cancer has spread. Yes, I'm over the ex, but it's still painful because I actually "approved" of the relationship when it started. She came to me (cuz she actually met my ex through a mutual friend who became friends with my ex while we were dating. hope that makes sense) and asked me, right in the middle of a Steak N Shake in Cincinnati, if she could date him and doing the right thing & wanting people to be happy, I said "sure". The universe decides to reward me with an empty bed at night & cooking for 1 as a result. That is why it is painful. I just want it to be my turn to start a new chapter in my life with someone special. The only new chapters I seem to start is "well time for new headshots"

So on top of "there's another relationship that you screwed up when your parents adored the guy", I get the added bonus of "well even if you meet a guy tomorrow, there's a chance that you're going to have to find someone else to walk you down the aisle" (if you even manage to get that far, since you did so well the first two times you ALMOST got a guy to put a ring on it)

WHY DO GUYS IN LA HAVE TO BE SUCH FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!?!?

I'm a good person. i'm kind to animals. I recycle damn near everything. I give food to the homeless guys on my walk between subway train and my job! Granted, I have a bitch streak in me where I yell at illegals, bad drivers and parents who can't control their brats, but I can't be so damn awful (unless I was fucking Hitler or Mussolini in a past life) that the universe deems it necessary for me to pay my penance through constant heartache and eternal loneliness. What the hell!? Is it because I can name every World Series champion since 1983 (and I'm trying to remember even more?) I can't honestly be that horrible or hideous of a person that no one desirable wants to be around me in a romantic sense.

this is pretty much the breakdown: last boyfriend, 9 years ago; last REAL date (you know where the guy wasn't just sucking up to get laid): 11 years ago. last date of any kind: over 1 year ago; last date that led to anything (good or bad): over 2 years ago. I'm so sick of being lonely. I feel like i'm dying inside.

Can someone please pass the anti-depressants already? i promise i will wash them down with water, not vodka. if you could toss in a side order of anti-anxiety pills as well, that would be just excellent. thanx.