Unmissable show?

House Of Cards. The first series was brilliant. It’s nothing like the English series, though. I don’t even know why they called it House Of Cards. You wouldn’t even know they were related if it wasn’t for that one time when he says “I couldn’t possibly comment”.

Earliest TV memory?

Watching Star Trek. In the first series they got some kind of disease and everyone was breaking out in spots. I remember my brother Dean hiding behind the couch, whereas I was completely unaffected by it. It made me feel really macho for a while!

Bring back…

I’d love to bring back [80s kids’ music show] What’s That Noise. We got Napalm Death on it! Kids are so mis-served when it comes to music these days. When I was a kid we were the rebels. Our parents listened to all the corporate shite and we listened to the underground stuff: punk and funk. Whereas now the parents are still listening to the underground music and the kids are listening to the fucking Disney channel. Get some activism in you!

Favourite TV theme tune?

The Sweeney. Brilliant. The Professionals. Fucking brilliant. The key to a good theme tune is that it has to have nothing to do with the series. When Howard Goodall played us the Red Dwarf theme we thought he was just making up the words as a placeholder. Then when the theme was delivered they were exactly the same words! What’s that got to do with a science-fiction show? But it just works.

Pitch us a TV show…

Years ago I pitched the BBC an idea called Takeshi’s Newcastle. We were going to do it up there with 100 pissed-up students. But we couldn’t get the insurance, and the BBC were umming and ahing. The next minute they’re in Argentina, where they don’t need the insurance, doing Total Wipeout! Total Wipeout was a complete rip-off of Takeshi’s Castle. People need to answer for that.