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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ok, now I KNOW that I can not be the only woman out there who goes through phases of being crabby, not feeling well, and just "not feeling in the mood". So here is my question... Why do men, end up doing their best to, make us feel guilty when we are going through these phases? Can they not understand that we need to just take some time and recharge? Are women really supposed to coddle them every minute, of every day, like we do our children? What is this?????!!!!!

Aren't our partners supposed to be understanding and supportive? Aren't they supposed to be who WE get to lean on when we just have no more to give? There are times when I wish I had never been with anyone. That my life would be just a little less stressful if I did not have to worry about someone else's every whim. If we don't feel like talking (like most men most of the time) then we are neglecting them. If we don't feel like being intimate, then we don't want, or love, them. If we need some space, then we are seeing someone else. On, and on, and on!!!

A friend of mine, who inspired this post, has just gone through this with her live-in boyfriend. The poor thing works ALL of the time, usually a later shift, has 2 small children and she came to me to vent, because she discovered that her boyfriend had been "chatting" with some chick online and seemed to be making tentative plans for a "secret" meeting. She had found some emails and even read his chat sessions, thanks to the "archive message" function on their particular IM server. She was not happy. She asked me for advice and I had no idea what to tell her. She asked me what I would do, and I told her that I really had no idea. The truth is, I lied to her. I know EXACTLY what I would have done, had I been in her shoes, but she is not the type of person who would like, or appreciate, how I would respond. "Get your shit and go!" What on Earth makes anyone think that it is ok to behave that way?!?!

Don't get me wrong, I am not naive, and know that women do the same things when men are going through these types of phases. My concern is that, as a whole, we are losing sight of what commitment means. We seem to be forgetting that "our word is our bond" and people are getting hurt. The worst part is, that many times children are involved and they seem to be paying the ultimate price. It seems to just be getting worse with every new generation. I feel like we are sending the message that "It's ok, just leave if you are not happy". What happened to trying to communicate? What happened to being patient and empathetic? What has happened to "you can lean on me"? When did being selfish become the norm? The majority of today's women, are working full-time jobs, are mothers and seem to be more exhausted, and burnt out...stretched too thin...pushed too far...and it is very disheartening to see.

Our partners are supposed to be our "pillars". When we are with them, we are supposed to feel uplifted and recharged. We are not supposed to dread going home, a place that should be our sanctuary. But I think many of us find "going home" to be a bigger pain-in-the-ass than "going to work". For a working mom, the crap never stops. We bend over backwards to keep our bosses happy, our co-workers, our subordinates, etc... then we get home and it is the same thing... whining kids, hungry kids, whining partner who wants to "fool-around", laundry, dusting, vacuuming, dishes, bath-time, bed-time, "read me another book", "how 'bout a quickie", and it just keeps going and going, until she has taken care of EVERYONE ELSE'S NEEDS, and she gets to close her eyes and do the only thing she has time to do for herself, and sleep as best she can. The next four or five hours are hers. Too bad she's too tired and sleepy to do something that would really make her feel good, and happy.

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