So this year I joined a ballroom dancing club and I really like it now (it's really fun). I also have a dance partner to compete with soon and I think I'm falling for her. However, I just learned that she has a boyfriend, which explains why she's pretty distant. I don't like this situation because I don't feel like it's my place to be her dance partner and I wouldn't feel right long term. I also think it's sorta unfair to both of us because I see other couples practicing with each other ~3 hours a day for competition (I think they're actual bf/gf). And I don't get it... she basically asked me to be her partner. Honestly though, I wish I had some girl that I could dance with all the time (And I want to get better at dancing!). Yea, I know that being dance partners is not the same as being in a relationship, but that possibility is something I'm looking for because that's essentially my end goal.

Here are my question(s): Does it seem like I got too invested with this girl (that seems to be a problem with guys)? Should I try to partner break up with her after we compete to find a gf that I can dance with? Do you have a song recommendation for me?

Dancing Solo

Dear Solo,

Hmmm.... ok. I want to first say that I understand where you are coming from. I've been in musicals and shows where I dated the guy playing opposite of me... because we saw each other all the time, we had to play romantic interests, and it was convenient. And those relationships were fun. But... after the curtain went down and the show was over, the relationship was, too. But I never planned those relationships. They just happened.

Ultimately, I think you're missing the point.

If your passion is dancing, and you want to get better... then focus on the dancing! And be the best dancer you can be. Did it occur to you that she asked you to be her partner because she actually thinks you're good, and not because she wants to date you? Isn't that a compliment? I think that's great!

You don't need to have a dance partner who is also your girlfriend. They are two separate areas. If you want a girlfriend, then you can find someone else. And perhaps this girl who is your partner can be a great long term friend, which is also amazing and hard to come by. Either way, you don't need your dance partner to be your girlfriend. If you do, you might be in the whole dancing thing for the wrong reasons...

xo,Natalise

p.s. SONG ASSIGNMENT - Listen to Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away." Deep down, you know you don't want to let her go as a dance partner... so don't. She might not be the love of your life, but she could be a great friend, or at least someone who teaches you a lot.

I don't know. Has she done something other than ask you to be her dance partner to indicate that she might have some interest in you as something potentially more?

How I see it is that she probably likes to dance and wanted to take a class but her boyfriend wasn't into it or she just wanted to do something for herself. Like you said, most of the other dancers were already coupled so she asked you because you were also solo.

Don't read more into it since all it will do is get you thinking that there is something there and if/when there isn't, it could end up ruining dancing for you or cost you a partner and potential friend. Have fun with it, learn something new, get in a good workout, go to a few clubs and even more, learn how to physically interact w/ a girl and pick up things about her body language as you guys dance. I know plenty of girls who find a man who is confident on the dance floor to be very sexy and attractive to them. The next girl you date will be in for a treat when you surprise her w/ your moves...

One of the most important rule that I always keep in mind, not to have relationship with someone at work or who is a dance partner.

In the past, others called me a fool who let my opportunities slipped, looking back, I sees that I made the right decisions, after looking at what had happened to others as well as friends who had done so

"But... after the curtain went down and the show was over, the relationship was, too."
Natalise, you're are very wise and learned of this experiences. I have lots of female friends who never learn this and keep repeating the same mistake till this day.

As far as I know, in ballroom dancing, not all dancing couples are actually having a relationship. Not everyone who involves with ballroom dancing have their husbands, wives, BFs or GFs be their dancing partners good in dancing or even have the same interest, for that reason, they choose a dancing partner who they can work with.

Exactly what Natalise said... It's what I consider, "untreated territory." If she has a boyfriend, it's wouldn't matter how compatible the two of you are, it doesn't matter how strong your feelings for her is, and it definitely doesn't matter how much she can help you advance in your dance career. If she has a b/f, she's not available. If she wants you, she would leave her b/f for you.. If not, than she's out of the question...

Thanks a lot for the comments and for the advice (I really appreciate it)! I didn't realize that that's how things go in ballroom. I also talked to one of my friends who runs the club and she said that she was single for a while while she was in the club, so that helps. And plus, now I realize that I should approach the dance thing that way to learn more from my partner.