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{i was attempting to do one gig a year until my throat injury occurred. might have to skip 2015!}

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2013

image credit: space astronaut Illustration by nichole lillian ryan

2014

intensity

by

Antraeus de Herschia

13 February 2015

Not being able to play well enough to learn countless covers I see as an advantage for creating something original. My songs, for me, are more art than music. I would love to be able to do that but I'm not a real musician and have to accept my limitations. So, yeah, I think it's an advantage in that sense but it kind of ends there. I am not suggesting that people with more technical ability are necessarily less capable of creating original songs. Ultimately, I dig the opportunity to create something new and disctinctive. That is why it doesn't bother me that I'm no guitarist.

So, I have said many times over the past couple of decades (since writing books I suppose) that I hate art! That’s no judgement on what other people wish to do and appreciate (and I tended to be overindependent, underemotional and all-or-nothing there for a while!). I just find most of it tedious and superfluous personally. But then that is because it is mostly some abstract and surrealist art that inspires me and which I too liked to produce on occasion myself. I have mellowed somewhat now I guess. I could not see the point in reproducing portraits or landscapes when photography can do a much better job. I love photography.

OK, so now that’s out of the way, I feel much the same about music which is why I mostly listen to goth music as I find it deliciously different and combines velvety uniqueness with silky depth and sensitivity.For me, it’s often both subtly hypnotic and powerful enough to reach my core. ‘Darkwave’ (electronic goth) is what I enjoy most these days. Idk, who can explain way they like a certain type of music more than others? Unlike art, however, I have eclectic tastes where music is concerned. I prefer to dance to funky black music and even some R&B (which I’m always embarrassed to confess)! Yeah! Ow! Actually, I wish I could do the charleston because 20s-style swing is what really gets me going (and of course we are fortunate to have the electro-swing revival today). I like a lot of 80s New Wave music and modern electronica. I still enjoy listening to some heavy rock I was into during my teens and there are various pop and dance tunes I like. And some jazz, blues, classical, acoustic, punk, reggae and even rap music I dig (I say ‘even’ because I used to just hate it whereas now I mostly hate it but have found some that I like).

There isn’t much ‘world music’ that I like but, while I enjoyed exploring classical music for some years, I find it tiresome in the main these days and find that part of me gravitating towards Spanish guitar which can be sublimely beautiful and passionate. Some of the Russian and Eastern European people I’ve known over the years have been put out, shall we say, that I can’t appreciate classical music the way they do. To them, liking modern Western music means I hate no taste. In London, I met people from various parts of the world who preferred to listen to pretty much any world music but I always felt that was an identity issue, a statement or result of feeling alienated in a foreign culture as well as a sense of solidarity with other immigrants. I used to listen to Chinese music sometimes because I was passionate about ancient Chinese culture but even that faded eventually. So I can see how an affinity with certain cultures can also result in appreciating the music they produce.

I was such a prolific songwriter throughout my 20s that I hardly listened to music at all. I just wrote and then enjoyed the buzz of playing new songs for months on end. Being an introvert, essentially, I had no real desire or compunction to perform and did so sparingly. I also didn’t have the bread or opportunity to do much with what I wrote.

I like folk music even less than I like hip-hop and have found myself in conflict with a few folk musicians who have scoffed at the simplicity of my songs, not to mention my lack of musical knowledge and dexterity! In fact, the majority of musicians I’ve met in my time have been unbearably egotistical which is one of the reasons I enjoy going over to Bacup Folk Club where no one is really like that. I found that the Fox & Goose in Hebden is the opposite and I’d eventually had enough of the musical snobbery I encountered there. How dare I rain on their parade with my charmingly simplistic and melodic songs! Cleverness and complexity alone can create soulless music as I see it. Anyway, it is a matter of taste of course but, since moving to Yorkshire, I have realised that music written purely from the soul is threatening to these people. I mean, one may have little or no musical ability at all yet the soul can manifest magic! The same applies to art. Beyond our human egos the potential for creation is a universal gift.

In the meantime, I have been reacquainting myself with my early songs and realise why I have idealised them for several years. As I was telling a friend, it’s because I was quite imaginative back then and words poured out of me, songs that had to be created, that created themselves too really. I had no idea what I was doing and could hardly even play the guitar (still can’t really – I mean I’m very limited as to what I can play). On some level, I was looking to David Bowie and Roy Harper as reference points for songwriting but it was so subconscious that the impulse to express something unique from within the depths of my being, to manifest some magic, remained the driving force. I have always worked this way but, over the years, I have become more conscious and aware as well as more mellow and dull which has dried up my artistic inspiration for the most part. I have moved on, regrettably. I was always an artist first and I still don’t refer to myself as a musician or a writer because I don’t consider myself to be much good at either form of expression! All I have is my creativity and depth. And my formative years were spent locked away in my room drawing (no not literally ‘locked’ as I had to explain to someone once).

I’d love to be able to play the guitar much better. I’d love to learn Spanish guitar! And violin and saxophone. Not gonna happen. No time (or money). It’s kind of a shame yet I am reminded that it’s my lack of musical knowledge that has enabled me to retain a degree of originality which is what is most precious to me personally. And, like, I just wish my music was more insane, more unique, more weird, more discordant – more gothic, really. But, while such an aspiration is helpful, I just don’t seem to have it in me to go off the rails. Would I have happily sacrificed my mind for a chance to write songs like Syd Barrett? No. Haha. It feels like I have been slowly grieving for that exhilarating purity and spontaneity I lost years ago. That’s where it’s at for me personally despite my dedication to spiritual growth which that part of me continues to resist. Because, on the outside, in the world of appearances humans are so attached (and addicted) to, well, the Tao is bland and characterless. Surrendering and letting go of form is OK up to a point but I’m not losing my music again for anything or anyone even if that was not my life path and the cosmos has tried to steer me back onto the original course. That’s where I draw the line and I will never back down as I regret ever starting these books, and losing the greatest source of joy in my life, however valuable they may be to the world as the masses slowly awaken.

Over the years, I have observed that, however technically proficient they may be, musicians who are adept at learning other people’s songs often possess that ability instead of being able to create original material or else they may lose that potential in the process of entraining themselves so well in the other direction. Obviously, it would be ridiculous to suggest that this applies to all talented musicians since some are so gifted in both fields. When people go out locally to see some live music they generally want to hear songs with which they are familiar.

There are degrees of originality in that the whole song can be distinctive or it may shamelessly mimic a style with no intention of birthing something unique, yet it may still be markedly different from other songs written in the same style. A song may draw upon more than one style for inspiration. A song is put together instinctively yet filtered by the songwriter’s standards of unique expression as well as quality. I have my own standards of originality. If a song is too bland, too samey, too much like other songs out there I am likely to bin it. It has to be as organic as possible. Kind of like it could only possibly come through me, no one else. Not that I was ever consciously doing this in years past because I was just doing it, just creating something out of the resources bursting out of me, bursting insistently and compellingly into flower.

I find that so much music in America sounds the same and I do not see the point of it. That is not to say that I disapprove of people creating and listening to what they want. It’s just not for me and I do not understand the attraction. But Britain is an island and our music and humour can be highly individual whereas in a larger country there may seem to be no point in striking out in a different way, an innovative way that has not been thought of before, although this may apply to certain other areas of creativity; for example, cars and domestic appliances, computers and other products, things that people use, or film and television.

That does not necessarily mean I will not enjoy listening to songs if they genuinely convey something of the songwriter’s soul, thoughts and experiences, musically and lyrically. If it’s organic and it came through you then I celebrate that and I want to look through that window into your soul – at least once – no matter how it my reflect another style. If it’s good, it’s good! If it’s not so good, I’m not obliged to like it or pretend to like it! I might like one or some of your songs and not others. I may not enjoy all that you write and I accept that we are different, that we have different things to share and different approaches to creating songs.

I wouldn’t even listen to my own songs at home because that is not the kind of thing I enjoy on a regular basis. But I do rate my own independent style and eccentric blossoms for their beauty, hue and perfume, the more intense the better. Let’s just say that’s what I’m into and, sure, I will be excited if any or even every song that you play and have written has something special and unusual to offer that touches my soul and engages me profoundly. I am not easily roused. It’s vibrational. I feel very deeply and simply do not respond unless there is a potency that penetrates to my core. I’m not interested in mental fodder and clever techniques as ends in themselves. I would rather to one chord and three words repeated passionately or soulfully but coming from a place beyond the rational mind, rising up from the depths. But, if I’m not passionate about your music, don’t take it personally as it is a matter of taste, of what one is into and likes to hear. We all appreciate different things so never take offence if someone isn’t quite into the same thing as you. Don’t take it as criticism.

I wish I was a better musician so I could make my songs richer and more sophisticated and improve the listening experience (providing I didn’t lose their distinct sound in the process). But I’m just a philosopher and humble artist who has written songs that are expressions of my soul yet lacking in musical aptitude. Each of us has our forte and songwriting may or not be your first love. Perhaps you are better at playing along with and enhancing songs as a musician. For myself, it’s all I can do.

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"I arise on wings of aspiration to Thee, O Isis. Come, descend from above, arise from below, expand from within—and fill me, Goddess. From the rising bud of the lotus, to the mighty branch of the sycamore, to the Moon and Sun which are Thine eyes, to the Stars which entwine Thy hair, all the Universe is Thine, Isis—as am I. O Isis, Goddess, Mother, Sister, Queen—the Ways are open unto Thee—I am open unto Thee"

~ Ancient Hermetic Prayer

St Germain

"Turn your eyes away from fear. Discontinue the conversations of fear if you choose to embrace the fullness of your heart"

"Alchemy is the science of the mystic and it is the forte of the self-realised man who, having sought, has found himself to be one with God and is willing to play his part." - Beloved Saint Germain

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Isis

"The Eternal FeminineDraws us heavenward."~ Goethe

Sekhmet

Ganesh

"In the quiet moments of our lives lie courage. In the everyday steps we take is courage. In love is courage. In being different dwells courage. In the cry against injustice lives courage. In the stepping up to responsibility lies courage. In reaching out to others is courage. If I've learned anything about courage and intuition it is that they demand that we live in the moment without preconceptions of how life should be." ~ Judith Orloff

Osho

“God is not far away from us, but we are far away from God, and the only reason is our insensitivity.” – Osho

“My whole teaching consists of two words, meditation and love. Meditate so that you canfeel immense silence, and love so that your life can become a song, a dance, a celebration. You will have to move between the two, and if you can move easily, if you can move without any effort, you have learned the greatest thing in life.” – Osho (Come, Come, Yet Again Come).

“A real Master is not a teacher: a real Master is an awakener. His function is totally different from a teacher; his function is far more difficult. And only very few people can stay with a Master because to wake up after millions of lives is not an ordinary feat; it is a miracle. And to allow somebody to wake you up needs great trust, great surrender.” - Osho

"The moment you start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all the burden on your heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappears." - Osho

“Whatsoever you are, there is nothing wrong with it. Love and relationship has not to be destroyed; only meditation has to be added to it.” - Osho

"The head is a marketplace, the heart is the shrine of being. All that is beautiful and true arises out of the heart, never out of the head." - Osho

“I do not ordinarily make prophecies, but about this I am absolutely prophetic: the coming hundred years are going to be more and more irrational, and more and more mystical. The second thing: After a hundred years people will be perfectly able to understand why I was misunderstood — because I am the beginning of the mystical, the irrational. I am a discontinuity with the past. The past cannot understand me; only the future will understand. The past can only condemn me. It cannot understand me, it cannot answer me, it cannot argue with me; it can only condemn me. Only the future…as man becomes more and more available to the mysterious, to the meaningless yet significant…After a hundred years they will understand. Because the more man becomes aware of the mysterious side of life, the less he is political; the less he is a Hindu, a Mohammedan, a Christian; the less is the possibility for his being a fanatic. A man in tune with the mysterious is humble, loving, caring, accepting the uniqueness of everybody. He is rejoicing in the freedom of each individual, because only with freedom can this garden of humanity be a rich place.” – Osho (The Osho Upanishad).

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"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." ~ Laozi

"All the fish needs is to get lost in water. All man needs is to get lost in Tao." ~ Chuang-Tzu

"There are many paths to enlightenment.Be sure to take the one with a heart."~ Laozi

“Giving to others selflessly and anonymously, radiating light throughout the world and illuminating your own darkness, your virtue becomes a sanctuary for yourself and all beings.” ~ Laozi.

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Water...

is the best cocktail(St Germain)

“Water is the only drink for a wise man.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

How to Charge your Water:

Each one try this, and if you do not feel results at first, just go on, for you certainly will as you use it more and more:

"'I AM' the Presence charging this water with the Life-giving Essence which I absorb and which renews my body in Perfect Health and Eternal Youth."

I also used this to charge the water that makes up my body - I placed my hands on my body stating:

"'I AM' the Presence charging the water in this body with the Life-giving Essence which I absorb and which renews my body in Perfect Health and Eternal Youth."

Another way from Quan Yin to charge water:

"With these hands and with this Heart and through the pure intention of God, this water (food) is blessed, removing and transmuting all impurities forever. God Bless this water (food). Thank you, thank you, thank you."

MJ

"In a world filled with hate - we must still dare to hope!In a world filled with anger - we must still dare to comfort!In a world filled with despair - we must still dare to dream!And in a world filled with distrust - we must still dare to believe."- Michael Jackson

Love is what matters. Indigo must shift to Crystal, to full consciousness. By demonstrating unconditional love in all his dealings with people and under all pressure Michael passed on to the summit of the astral realms. John Lennon - referring to himself as an ascended master - introduced him as 'Moonwalker' in the channelling circle I was in for a brief time. So he is a powerful guide and through continued loving service to humanity will soon ascend to the 5th dimension himself.

"What we need to learn from children isn't childish. Being with them connects us to the deeper wisdom of life which is ever-present and only asks to be lived. They know the way to solutions that lie waiting to be recognised within our own heart. Today, I would like to thank all the children of the world including the sick and deprived. I am so sensitive to your pain." - Michael Jackson (at the 35th Annual Grammy Awards, 24 February 1993, Los Angeles, California).

"The whole world abounds in magic. When a whale plunges out of the sea like a newborn mountain, you gasp in unexpected delight. What magic! But a toddler who sees his first tadpole flashing in a mud puddle feels the same thrill. Wonder fills the heart, because he has glimpsed for an instant the playfulness of life." - Michael Jackson (From 'Magic,' Dancing The Dream, 1992)

“We have to heal our wounded world. The chaos, despair and senseless destruction we see today are the result of the alienation that people feel from each other and their environment. Often this alienation has its roots in an emotionally deprived childhood. Children have had their childhood stolen from them. A child’s mind needs the nourishment of mystery, magic, wonder and excitement. I want my work to help people rediscover the child that’s hiding in them.” – Michael Jackson (Dancing the Dream, 1992, p.80).

"And my goal in life is to give to the world what I was lucky to receive: the ecstasy of divine union through my music and my dance." - Michael Jackson

Breathe deeply!

Breathing fully means that we are allowing our connection to the Source. Shallow breathing is a sign of denial of, and resistance to, our Divinity

"Fill yourselves with love, with joy. Breathe in the prana. Breathe deeply. The prana is once again available to you, in such magnitudes as you have not known since Atlantis. It is the Elixir of Light, it is the Love of all Creation, it is the Adamantine Particles, it is the foundation of all life, all Creation. You have The All available to you, by simply breathing deeply throughout your day. A gift from the Creator. Take advantage of this blessed gift and breathe deeply, Dear Ones. You will lift yourselves up once again to the heights which you are soon to experience, a civilisation far surpassing Atlantis, as this time, there will be no darkness. There will be no misuse of power. You have come through the darkness and are emerging into the light and the light will allow no darkness. That Dear Ones is the beauty of the Now Moment which you are entering. You have succeeded and you will live and breathe the Love and the light and the joy and the peace and harmony, and you will experience the abundance which is your Divine birthright." - Archangel Michael (channelled through Michelle Coutant, ‘Claim Your Personal Power & Be the Love of Your Sacred Heart,’ 29 June 2010)

Invoking the Mother Goddess

Mahalaya heralds the advent of Durga, the goddess of supreme power. It is an invitation to the mother goddess to annihilate the evils of the world by her Supreme Goodness

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