In February, we think about our sweethearts, and the things we love: things like gypsy gangsters, surreal nerds, sociopathic poultry, and steely-jawed cowboys.

BLACK CAT, WHITE CAT (1998): "With a small town’s worth of Eastern European eccentrics, a knotty romantic plot and grotesque and vulgar comic details (like the woman who pulls nails from a board with her clenched buttocks), Black Cat, White Cat is an amphetamine rush that never lets up."

COMPUTER CHESS (2013): "One scene shows the couples fondling warm loaves of bread while they moan together in ecstasy: a starkly humanistic counterpoint to the exacting and calculated behavior of the chess competitors."-RA

BAD CHICKEN (2013):"Sure, there’s a (non-explicit) montage of Charlie Chicken picking up hookers for hotel room trysts, and a scene of two chickens dueling with dildos, but there’s nothing here you couldn’t see done better on a cutting edge TV-14 sketch comedy show."

THE BRAVADOS (1958): "...a harsh, brooding, tautly paced example of the 1950s western at its most adult."-AE

THE LEGEND OF SURAM FORTRESS (1984): Certified weird! "Although there is a (digressive and fractured) story, the essence of The Legend of Suram Fortress is in its astounding visual tableaux: scenes of princes in full regalia holding court on hillsides, acrobats walking high wires while sailing ships hover in midair, and fortresses built with eggs beat into the foundation."

HER (2013): "Jonze uses the scenario to fancifully illustrate the needs, passions, and pains felt by anyone who falls in love, even a woman who exists within a digital cloud."-BS

BUFFALO '66 (1998): "While Billy may be the main focal point of the film, Chrisina Ricci’s character is infinitely more interesting. Wearing searing blue eyeshadow and a promiscuous blouse to a tap dance lesson, Layla is sex-starved and ready for adventure, so when a scruffy stranger kidnaps her, she resists only a little, putting the bulk of her energy into crafting a romantic history for Billy’s parents."-TD

MAN OF THE WEST (1955): "Mann’s casting of [Gray] Cooper is nothing less than inspired, although it probably cost the film box office revenue."-AE

FAITH OF OUR FATHERS (1997): "I suspect those who would enjoy watching this film would also be rabid fans of hardcore European arthouse/symbolism films, which are usually very slowly paced, populated with metaphors instead of characters and degrees of inscrutability. "-LRH

The last of the stuff we love: bizarro concert films, dungeons & dragonsploitation, virgins, and halfbreed Elvis.

A VIRGIN AMONG THE LIVING DEAD (1973): "The other thing they do to pass time is have lots of sadomasochistic sex, including one couple who plays a lesbian-necrophile-vampire sex game with scissors."

THE DUNGEONMASTER (1984): "With its bespectacled hero with a laser-blasting artificial intelligence best buddy who defeats Satan in hand-to-hand combat to save his super-hot aerobicized girlfriend from demonic bondage, The Dungeonmaster may be the apotheosis of 1980s nerd camp."

FLAMING STAR (1960): "With Presley finally getting his chance at a Brandoesque role, he comes closest to the celluloid Elvis that he himself envisioned. Unfortunately, it was not what the American public wanted, and the result was a box office bomb, despite good critical reception."-AE

The Dungeonmaster is quite a film. What amuses me is that the hero always defeats the enemies that Mestema (Satan) sends against him by zapping them with his computer turned wristwatch. Dodge around, tap code into wristwatch, and zap - that's pretty much every fight.

Doesn't he defeat Mestema by pushing him into a pit? Seems like an odd way to beat Satan.

The Dungeonmaster is quite a film. What amuses me is that the hero always defeats the enemies that Mestema (Satan) sends against him by zapping them with his computer turned wristwatch. Dodge around, tap code into wristwatch, and zap - that's pretty much every fight.

Doesn't he defeat Mestema by pushing him into a pit? Seems like an odd way to beat Satan.

Andrew, I had noticed that you gave THE DUNGEONMASTER a pretty bad review (one slime), but it is one of your older reviews. I'm betting that you'd find it more amusing if you revisited it today. Personally I think it's underrated.

The Dungeonmaster is quite a film. What amuses me is that the hero always defeats the enemies that Mestema (Satan) sends against him by zapping them with his computer turned wristwatch. Dodge around, tap code into wristwatch, and zap - that's pretty much every fight.

Doesn't he defeat Mestema by pushing him into a pit? Seems like an odd way to beat Satan.

Andrew, I had noticed that you gave THE DUNGEONMASTER a pretty bad review (one slime), but it is one of your older reviews. I'm betting that you'd find it more amusing if you revisited it today. Personally I think it's underrated.

I don't know about that. Watched it fairly recently after obtaining the new DVD, and it was still pretty lackluster for me.

The Dungeonmaster is quite a film. What amuses me is that the hero always defeats the enemies that Mestema (Satan) sends against him by zapping them with his computer turned wristwatch. Dodge around, tap code into wristwatch, and zap - that's pretty much every fight.

Doesn't he defeat Mestema by pushing him into a pit? Seems like an odd way to beat Satan.

Andrew, I had noticed that you gave THE DUNGEONMASTER a pretty bad review (one slime), but it is one of your older reviews. I'm betting that you'd find it more amusing if you revisited it today. Personally I think it's underrated.

I don't know about that. Watched it fairly recently after obtaining the new DVD, and it was still pretty lackluster for me.

Shoot... I haven't found anyone who appreciates THE DUNGEONMASTER the way I do. You were my last hope!