Bishop T.D. Jakes
Bishop T. D. Jakes is founder and senior pastor of the legendary 30,000-member Dallas-based church, The Potter’s House. Named by Time magazine as “America’s Best Preacher,” Bishop Jakes’ message of healing and restoration is unparalleled, transcending cultural and denominational barriers within the church and beyond.

September 25th, 2009 by Bishop T.D. Jakes

How to Get out of an Emotional Rut

Below is an insightful post from my good friend, the Bishop T.D. Jakes. Bishop Jakes pastors a mega church in Dallas, Texas with a congregation in excess of 30,000. He carries his message around the globe, and in fact, a live audience of more than 1,000,000 people recently turned out to hear him speak in Kenya. He is a husband, father and all around good guy!

From relationships to the economy, there are many circumstances in life that can drive a person into what is called an emotional rut. An emotional rut can occur when we allow our emotional state to be driven by our circumstances causing us to get stuck in an unhealthy, fluctuating emotional state of mind. One moment we are happy, then sad, angry or overwhelmed. Granted, these are natural emotions that affect everyone. However, if left unchecked, we allow manageable emotions to be controlled by uncontrollable circumstances.

I can remember one evening long ago when I was driving down the road and as I approached the turn, my car slid on loose gravel, went out of control and ended up on the side of the road. Still startled by this uncontrollable ride that I had just experienced, I attempted to get back on the main road. After accelerating a few times, I soon realized that my car was stuck in a rut. I tried everything I could to get out. I spun my tires forward and backward and soon realized that the rut I was stuck in was only getting deeper. I wanted to get out, but there I was — stuck.

In hindsight, I realized that there were four critical steps I followed to get out of the rut and back on to the safety of the main road. I believe that those same four steps can also guide you out of the emotional rut that has you stuck on the side of this fast-paced road of life.

Step 1: Stop spinning your wheels

When your vehicle gets stuck in a rut one of the worst things you can do is continue pressing on the gas, because your wheels begin to spin and dig your car deeper into the ground. The same advice applies when you are in an emotional rut; stop spinning your wheels. Stop doing the same things over and over that have gotten you stuck in the first place, because you will just dig yourself deeper. Instead, stop, assess the situation and admit that you are stuck.

Step 2: Signal for help

When you are stuck on the side of the road, there are two types of people that you will come across when you signal for help, those who see you need help but don’t stop or those who stop and utter one of the most comforting questions ever asked, “Do you need any help?” The same idea applies when you are in an emotional rut, signal for help. Yes, there are some people who will keep on going; however, there are those who pull off the busy road of life to say, “Do you need any help?” Understand that help can come in the form of a trusted friend or a professional counselor, but you must let someone know that you are stuck in an emotional place.

Step 3: Take the towline

One of the most effective ways to pull a car out of a rut is to use a towline from another car. A towline can be as simple as tying a rope to the base of both cars. The vehicle that is on stable, balanced ground begins to accelerate and pull the other car out of its rut. It is important to know that the car that is stuck must accelerate as well so that both cars work together. When you are in an emotional rut, accept the towline. Said another way, take the lifeline. When someone throws you a line, grab it and allow them to help pull you out.

Step 4: Carefully merge back into traffic

Once your car has been freed from the rut, accelerate slowly and carefully merge back onto the road and continue toward your destination. Also, be aware that your car might have experienced undetected damage. Similarly, when you have come out of your emotional rut, don’t jump right back into the business of life. Take your time. And, just like your car, there might be some unseen damage that has occurred on your way out of your emotional rut. So start off slowly and pay attention to the indicator on your emotional dashboard for any signs of unseen internal damage. Understand that our emotions are powerful indicators of how we are managing the complexities of life, so pay attention when your check engine light comes on.

I am pleased to say that I survived my experience and learned a valuable lesson in the process. I have learned that it is not just the large objects that obstruct our progress on the road of life, but it’s often the small unchecked gravel-like issues that can often leave us in a rut.

N.B. LUV T. D. Jakes when I see him on UR show… He reminds me of my dad… even though not old enough to be… You remind me of my oldest brother I lost as since I never met him, quite awhile back, decided I’d like him to have been like you. Actually, out of three brothers lost two old brothers yet don’t remember who I decided I’d like the other to be. Someone was talking about that on PRODUCE THE DOCTORS that miscarriages are a family loss. So sometimes I wonder what mother’s first two miscarried baby boys, in Tulsa, would have looked like or been like and you’re what I came up with. Third baby boy, born in Tulsa, lived… then me in Norman. I just thought I’d mention since just remembered when thinking about T.D. Jakes reminding me of my dad.

Thank you for the guest-blog; I always enjoy Bishop Jakes when he’s on the show. I’m in a rut, I know it, and I *think* I know the majority of the things causing it, but I’m not handling it very well. My wheels are still spinning, and I’m spinning them. I have such anger, I throw things and am afraid I’m going to hurt my cat or myself – not on purpose, but when you throw things, you’re not exactly in control, and I’m not throwing for accuracy’s sake. I don’t recognize myself, as if I’ve turned into someone else. I’m sooooo angry at myself for everything, large and small, and the older I get, the worse it gets. Thanks for reading, or listening, or.. whatever.

Praise God for Paster TD Jakes insight and wisdom. Getting out of an emotional rut is just like breaking a cycle. Which I was inspired to write about a couple of years back in my book THE CYCLE CAN BE BROKEN, Although I am not as talented and gifted as Pastor T D Jakes the message is the same.In order to deal with your problem you have to realize you have a problem. You Dr, Phil have been a blessing to all who tune in to you, and the guests you bring on the show have enlighten us all to be a better human being, May you continue blessing us
Thank you Wesley Hamilton

This information couldn’t have come to me at a better time. I have a 2 month old little girl who has 4 big brother, one of whom was born last year with a complex congenital heart defect. He has had 2 heart surgeries and will have another one in a year or so. I still am still having some difficulty with his CHD and I still find myself getting emotional over it. Now we have a new baby girl and I am starting to feel overwhelmed. I have been debating all day on if I should call my midwife and talk to her about possible baby blues and what she thinks. There are so many little things that keep building up and I feel like I am in a rut that I just can’t pull myself out of. I think finding this post…when I really came to turn my computer off for the night was just the sign that I needed.

I am so in a rut. I love the advice and I am trying to free myself. I lost my husband 4 years ago. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time. I have two girls, now 10 and 20. It turned our lives upside down. I went back to work soon after but worked off and on and off. I lost my last job due to the problems my younger daughter was having at school. I poured my life into my younger daughter. The school wanted to label her as autistic or Asperger’s syndrome. My family doctor advised not to have her labeled, he was right and today she is still what I would call quirky but doing well in school. Now that she is doing better I feel lost. I put all of my identity into being her Mom or being my husband’s widow. I’m having trouble moving past that and finding my self identity again. I need advice for the first step getting out of the rut that I’m in.

Thank you for sharing that. Your timing is perfect again. I was too shy, afraid and broken down to signal help…you saw me and stopped anyway. Even tempting me to hope for good corners ahead. It still blows my mind. God bless.

sharon

P.S. I liked the train show today, looked like fun getting them back on “track”. Robin was cute with the tiny baby. I also liked the show with Katherine, I hope and pray she’s ok. Sometimes once your heart gets emotionally involved and attached to someone who doesn’t treat you as well as you deserve, it can take awhile to see it. It’s a hard rut to get out of imo. I’m glad you stopped for her too. She’s in good hands and surrounded by those who care. God bless and help her throughout her life’s corners too, and all who feel so stranded and lost.

Oh my, I can certainly relate to these wise words very well. Thing is, I have been stuck in the same rut for many many years, only by a divine miracle will I ever get out of this one. It’s one I didn’t ask for, one I don’t think I could have ever been ready for, and still cannot handle it. We have a special needs son, age 26, who lives with us, and we are his soul caregivers. He was a preemie at birth, suffered a traumatic brain injury, due to loss of oxygen, is legally blind, and is also mentally ill. He does not have any friends, no one calls him, he has us. Well, “us” is so exhausted, we can barely function ourselves. We have sought many many outlets and contacts to try and get help, we have yet to find that assistance. I had to quit work 2.5 yrs ago due to all the stress of dealing with him and the illnesses it brought on me, now my husband retired much sooner than he planned, because he is now taking care of our son and me. I have seen him deteriorate in the past few months, far from the strong strong man I married 23 yrs ago. We are not rich at all, we cannot afford private sitters or caregivers, medicare and medicaid only pays a very limited amount on that kind of thing, and then it’s an “act of congress” to get them to approve it to start with. We have fought for him all of his life, to try and get teachers to understand him and his unique needs, I think there may have been 2 teachers in his 11 yrs of school that somewhat knew how to deal with him. This is one rut we can never get out of, only by a divine miracle. Yes, I believe in miracles, but I am so exhausted and sickly, I don’t make it to church much anymore where I can get the emotional and spiritual support I need to carry on. My family is out of state, and they couldn’t help anyway. My inlaws never have helped, that is another story in itself. Bishop Jakes, can you pray for our family to get out of this rut, as for myself, I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. And also Dr Phil, can you pray for our family? I do not need nor do I want pity, I want understanding and just an occasional break. I think both of you are wonderful, you are wise and always offer a word of encouragement and other ways to look at issues that may come our way. Thank you for being who you are. God bless.

Dr.Phil do not understand, and I’m not being critical, but how does a Pastor not direct people to the bible, Gods Word, my thoughts on what brings true peace of mind, I hope you read it.

How the Bible’s Answer Brings Real Peace of Mind

Jesus teaches us how to gain peace of mind
For any complex piece of machinery to work properly, it must be used for the purpose and in the manner that its maker intended. Likewise, if we are to avoid damaging ourselves—be it spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically—we need to use our life in the way that our Maker intended. Consider how our knowing God’s purpose can bring us peace of mind in the following areas of life.

When establishing priorities, many today devote their lives to accumulating wealth. However, “those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many senseless and hurtful desires,” warns the Bible.—1 Timothy 6:9, 10.

On the other hand, those who learn to love God rather than money discover the secret of contentment. (1 Timothy 6:7, They appreciate the value of hard work and know that they have an obligation to provide for their own physical needs. (Ephesians 4:28) But they also take seriously Jesus’ words of caution: “No one can slave for two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stick to the one and despise the other. You cannot slave for God and for Riches.”—Matthew 6:24.

Therefore, instead of making secular work or the pursuit of wealth their top priority, those who love God make the doing of his will their primary concern in life. They know that if their life revolves around the doing of God’s will, then Jehovah God will take care of them. In fact, Jehovah considers himself honor-bound to do so.—Matthew 6:25-33.

When dealing with people, many put themselves first. Today, the world lacks peace, in large measure because so many people have become “lovers of themselves, . . . having no natural affection.” (2 Timothy 3:2, 3) When someone disappoints them or disagrees with their viewpoint, they give vent to “anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech.” (Ephesians 4:31) Rather than bringing peace of mind, such a lack of self-control only “stirs up contention.”—Proverbs 15:18.

By contrast, those who obey God’s command to love their neighbor as themselves are “kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another.” (Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13) Even when others do not treat them kindly, they endeavor to imitate Jesus, who when being reviled “did not go reviling in return.” (1 Peter 2:23) Like Jesus, they appreciate that it brings true fulfillment to serve others, even those who may not appreciate what is being done for them. (Matthew 20:25-28; John 13:14, 15; Acts 20:35) Jehovah God gives his spirit to those who imitate his Son, and this spirit produces in their life a genuine sense of peace.—Galatians 5:22.

Thank you for posting this. These are simple yet effective tools anyone can learn to follow. I think it’s the Step Two that’s the hardest.

I’m working on that one now. I’ve had to learn how after my motorcycle accident. The emotions behind all the changes were rough, a disability worker pushed me to let support in. So, I called a friend and it felt better.

I think I may need to try Step Two again on another situation before my employer thinks I’m either too meticulous or just out of it.

I like it. I’m copying it and keeping one in my car and one on my fridge.

I think these may just be the 4 tools I need to complete the destruction of the cycle of violence in my family, well actually, I’ve pretty much gotten rid of that, it’d be more for the continued building of my self-esteem.

You know I’m a pretty awesome lady and your shows have been a part of my realizing that.

Thanks, Sandra, for providing a biblical perspective, which Bishop Jakes overlooked. I was going to ask Songbirdmama, how can you tell whether or not your religious affiliation differs from Bishop Jakes’? I see no evidence of any religious faith in his article. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him mention Jesus.

Dr. Phil,
Thank you for posting this article up on your blog. This could not have come to me at a better time than now. I had just made a phone call to get an appointment to see my counselor to help me with some fear issues. I was not sure if I really need that. Now after reading this article, I know I have done the right thing to call for help.

I am greatful that Bishop Jakes did not start quoting scriptures myself. The bible is 66 books written at different times by different men. Though I cherish the Bible,I don’t worshp it …I have found that you can take the principles learned and tell people in terms they can hear and it will be far more effective in their life. Religion is not the answer for peoples rut,relationship with the Creator… is !

I am getting married to a wonderful man on Thursday; he wandered into my life unannounced when I needed someone to love me for me. He stood beside me, guiding me gently back into traffic, after my first marriage derailed, crashed and burned. We were friends for a long time, realised we then loved each other and decided that we ought to try seeing each other properly, after a long, slow courtship, we got engaged, two years later we are getting married and we choose to be with each other, we don’t *have* to be together – there is such a difference.

We stand up in front of our friends, all of which have thrown us lifelines, indeed sometimes life-rafts, most of whom have travelled from the UK to Melbourne to be with us as we say ‘I do’ start our new life as a married couple.

Neither of us would have got where we are now without being able to go through the 4 steps so eloquently put. Thank you.

Thank you for the “tow line” .
i have always been taught and beleive that things happen when they are supposed to and things happen for a reason.
My grown son has had some very emotional upheavels in the last couple years and always turns to me for support and as a mother i have always been there for him….in the last few weeks i have often found myself wondering if I am doing the right thing…or making things worse….after reading this post i feel I am only being his tow line and that its ok…thanks for the post…it came just when i needed it most.

Dr. Phil- That advice is exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve been asking for help for a long time. No one either listens or doesn’t care. Everyone in my life just expects me to pick myself up & move on. But no one understands it’s not that simple. What do you do when you have asked for help but no one will? Then what?

I am sorry for your loss. You sound like a wonderful mother and kudos to you for standing up to the school and not allow them to label your daughter. It seems the schools are labeling too many children these days. I sincerely hope its not to receive federal funding from Washington for special needs kids! Money is usually at the root of such evilness. When I feel overwhelmed or in a rut I take it in prayer to my heavenly father. Immediately a peace comes over me and I am assurred he has heard me and will take care of things. When the help comes I know he sent it and share with my helper that they were sent by on high!
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let YOUR petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.

I will keep you and your family in prayer. Keep an eye out for the answer coming your way!! He WILL take care of it!

I agree with Sandra. Indeed, God is the source of all wisdom and it is to God not men that we give thanks and credit. It brings to mind the time when Moses did not give glory to God for the miracle of getting water from rock.

In Numbers 20:8-13 (New International Version) we read:
8 “Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.”
9 So Moses took the staff from the LORD’s presence, just as he commanded him. 10 He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, “Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?” 11 Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.
12 But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”
Like Moses, I am sure Brother Jakes erred in innocence but he is Gods faithful servant and God will continue to use him to spread HIS message.

LOVED THIS POST! Loved your analogy and the step by step- SPOT ON- information about extricating oneself from an Emotional Rut.
You know when I’m stuck….Like on Step #2 you indicated that, “…there are two types of people that you will come across…” And, you go one to identify those who see you but don’t stop and those who stop and wish to help. However, I tend to attract a third type. The ones who stop, recognize my need for help, are superficially pleasant, SEEM-at the time- like people of integrity but really are TROUBLE!

Trust ME on this one thing….in MY 20’s my sense of self-worth was below ZERO and I actually chose a therapist who had a MUCH lower opinion of ME than I had of myself! And, I stuck with him!

Could you address this, please! I chose so many BAD people for ME that my best friend said, “Ya, know, BG before you go out with ANYONE EVER again, you NEED to finesse a way of bringing them by here AND letting US run him by someone in Psychology, for you.” (I’m an RN and at that time worked in behavioral healthcare.) At first, I was offended by her remark but she was right!
I’m NO LONGER in my 20’s- by alot- however, this is SUCH a concern for me that I JUST STOPPED- at some point in my life- choosing ANYONE!

I don’t think the advice is against God in anyway. He is offering his life experience and tools that many can understand. God is not opposed with a Pastor encouraging people to seek counseling or help amongst their peers.

Many scriptures provide comfort but there are a reason there are so many bible translations. Sometimes things need to be spelled out for people. No need to beat people’s heads in with the bible.

I personally reached out to a friend who prayed with me and sent me scripture using the TOOLS provided by the Bishop and am doing better today in some regards and allowing myself space to assess the damage. I’m not seeing anything ungodly about this.

What do you do when you ask and signal for help and no one comes forward? I know I am stuck in a rut and I’ve wanted to get out for a while now. What do you do when you want help, need help, ask for help, and it falls on deaf ears?
Other than that, it was a great blog and insightful stuff.

Tuck your head down and put your shoulders into the wind. I know it’s just a stupid metaphor, but you’ve got to push. If things are so overwhelming that what you’re thinking of becomes a “reasonable” option, then how much worse would it be to shut everyone else out for a while? Focus on one step at a time — get through today. And then get through tomorrow. Cut out everything that you don’t want to or don’t have to do. Keep going to work. Keep taking care of the kids. Whatever. But cut out the extraneous stuff that’s not doing you any good. Come back to it later when you’re feeling better…because there will at least be a later if you keep pushing.
Sometimes I think my family would be better off without me. Then, ultimately, I realize that that’s bull**** and that they would be devastated. And so I push on, KNOWING that I’m the strongest person I’ve ever known to have lived though what I have. You too can be that person in your life.

This post is not meant to promote any particular religion, reading this only directs you to Gods answers to help us gain inner peace by understanding why?

Today there is no shortage of advice on how to gain peace of mind. Psychologists and writers of self-help books—even newspaper columnists—offer their ideas. Their advice might be of some short-term help; but for long-term solutions, something more profound is needed
Why So Little Peace?
The Bible gives two basic reasons for the lack of peace in the world—be it inner peace or peace between people. The first is explained at Jeremiah 10:23: “To earthling man his way does not belong. It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” Man has neither the wisdom nor the foresight to rule himself without help, and the only help that has real value comes from God. Humans who do not seek God’s guidance will never attain lasting peace. The second reason for the lack of peace is seen in the words of the apostle John: “The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.” (1 John 5:19) Without divine guidance, man’s efforts to gain peace will always be frustrated by the activities of the unseen but very real—and very powerful—”wicked one,” Satan.

For these two reasons—that most people do not seek God’s guidance and that Satan is very active in the world—the human race as a whole is in a sorry state. Romans 8:22 say “All creation keeps on groaning together and being in pain together until now.” Who can disagree with that assessment? In wealthy nations as well as poor ones, family problems, crime, injustice, personality conflicts, economic uncertainty, tribal and ethnic hatreds, oppression, sickness, and much more, rob people of their peace of mind.

Man has neither the wisdom nor the foresight to rule himself without help, and the only help that has real value comes from God

i am glad to see a post about the bishop Dr Phil, i have learned a lesson the bishop would be proud to read about, i learned that when we put any situation in Gods hands we better leave it with God and never try to seek revenge in any way, funny how God can remind us that we dont want what we think we want doc, i have a video of just that, well i use to have one posted on a site my kid built for me it seems to have disipeared some how but at least i got a copy of it on my computer as a reminder to me that i put a situation in Gods hands and i know i better leave it with him, that video is named space doc i tried to get you to have a look at it many times over and even did some relly stupid crap to draw attenchion to it as well, i ask you sir to forgive my stupidity doc, i am stupid sir, even a damn fool you may say, but a idiot by no means, cant blame you if you think im a idiot too after all the crap i pulled, but ill tell you this i paid a price you are unaware of i got sent to a rehab clinic 2 times and even had to go in to a mental hospital to be evaloaited 1 time, it seems i am bipolar , something i was unaware of till i went to centeral state hospital doc, well to make a long story short i am now on meds to correct my thoughts leaving my brain lol, and i have to say i do feel better now but i for one can say i was indeed in Gods hands at one point in my life, he saw fit to keep me alive even as i laied on my kitchen floor dieing doc, i relly got to go with God that night, and i went through time with him, and back, i wish i had a way to show the world how wonderful God is and just how powerful he is doc but i cant, i just know with all my heart hes very real!, and he is pure love even for a sinner such as me he had nothing but pure love for, kind of makes me wonder why he would have any kind of love for me after all i did up to the time he saved my life doc, that video my kid put togather for me reminded me of the love God showed me that night over 21 years ago and scense that time all i have done is let God down, and now i only pray he forgives me for forgetting what he already did for me, doc when i go before God again i want nothing but a clean concenchance, and a saved soul, hell aint no place to have to spend all eternitity in, God already showed me what hell is all about, and with his help and guidance i will never have to watch that video again and feel the pain of where i was headed to ever again doc, thats what i ment when i said to watch the damn video, it relly was a video of me going to hell, even had my damn inetales at hells door for me to see, if you ever want a copy of that video doc ill mail you a cd of it and maybe the bishop would like a copy too, my son did a relly good job on it, ill add this too for these people molesting kids maybe they should watch that video if it ever makes its way to my site again doc, i know that pisses God off too. something all should think about b4 hand, hell it made me stop and think i assure you, and also Dr Phil all that crap about the anti christ i just threw that out there cause i was pissed over the fact that i heard with my own ears from adults saying in public that pres OBAMA was the anti christ i just wanted to clear the leader of our great country sir, and to be honest with all if i could be that anti christ i would save only my mom my son and my own ass sir lol, and every one else is on there own lol, hell i love this country but if i had that kind of power i would do just that, after all america has done so well for all these years and we can destroy this entire planet with just 2 bombs and i know that, hell i live by the biggest air force bace in the world that has that kind of power sitting on it as i type lol, i would get out of this world b4 they could use that on my ass i assure you lol, if its in your heart to find humar in my stupidity doc please feel free to use me any time i owe you that much atleast, ever want to do a show on the anti christ please feel free to call on me any time any place ill be happy to fufill that spot for you too i do love your shows after all. thanks doc for not blocking my address, ill watch my mind fro ever i promice, i put your staff through alot they did not deserve to have to endure, forgive me all i am sorry with all my heart yall.

Dr. Phil. im one of those people who is in a rut of life my husband has lost his job we collect unemployment but it not help. im behind on my morage and credit card right now im the only one working i have no saving and i took my IRA out this summer when my husband got layoff yet again. because of are ages we cant even get part time jobs.Right now i dont even have any faith in nothing.I cant see the light from the tunnal. i see no hope. so i dont see how talking to someone will make a differnts.

Loved the analogy- driving off in the ditch and stuck in a rut.
In the past I have driven my car of life into the ditch, spun my wheels, signalled for help, took the towline (aka: lifeline) offered by another and worked with them to get me out of the rut, then carefully merged back onto the road of life and been happy and peaceful for a time.
At the moment the rut is deep. How do you find the ambition to signal when it all seems so pointless?

Linda RH funny the way you put it, i see many ditches infront of me and its like driving drunk at times, seems the ditch is a better choice for me most of the time lol, at least no one but me gets hurt that way less i hit a mail box on my way in to that ditch, but never the less i find my self sending up smoke snigals in a attempt to pull me out b4 i blow my engine or burn the rubber off my mental tires trying to spin my way back onto the rode of life, some times i think im better off left in that ditch for my own saftey not to menchion the safety of other travelers out there. just hope i never hit a broken bottle in any of those ditches i hit as i cant afford a flat tire seems i havent got a spare to change it with. thank god for bumpers.

I have spent my life in and out of one rut to another I’m completely miserable and feel like I just bring people down with me. I really would like to know what living my best life might be. I feel as if my life has been a total waste. I don’t want to die I just wish I could sometimes. I am in pain all the time and no doctor can tell me why or what to do, I recently asked my doctor for stronger pain medicine, But i don;t think he really gave me anything stronger. I still hurt like hell and am barley able to make it to by groceries once a week. I take medicine for clinical depression and have for over 10 years. I’ve been taking other medicines for fibromyalgia which is another word for hypochondriac I’ve been told by a different doctor. I just keep being passed off to the next Doc to pay more money that by the way I don’t have!! I have similar symptoms to my daughter who has M S. I have be told I do not have M S. I just feel real low right now. I’ve written to many of the T’V show Doc before and never had a reply.

I am glad I looked into your blogg to night DR. Phil and got to read this post by Bishop T.D. Jakes!
It was just what I needed to here (read) now!
I feel like I have been stucked in the mud for a long time now!
But 2 weeks ago I asked for help because i felt I was in a desperate situation!
The people I turned to took me serius and now I got someone to talk to once a week and I get a psycologist soon.
I have been to psykologist before but the problem with me is that I can’t talk about what botheres me moust! The words got stuck in my throat..
But now I think I am ready to open up!
I don’t think I have any choice now! I just have to do something with my problemes. Or I will be sitten on the side of the road watching the cars go by while I dig myself deeper into the mud!
I don’t want to do that the rest of my life!
I don’t know why it is so difficult to ask for help!
I have discover that there are always someone out there that will take you serius

/Elin (from Norway)

It’s so great that I can have contackt with you Dr. Phil through this blogg!
As I don’t live in America I can’t write you a letter for asking you for help but now you know about me!
Wish you and the Bishop all the best!

Linda RH trust me i know that feeling only too well, but life will get better, atleast mine has just a bit for now atleast, if nothing else i can say i have had 2 relly good weeks in life as a adult now that im on the right kind of meds, and now know what my problem is instead of just thinking i was just plain crazy or even worse just pure stupid, and i have felt like this for over 20 years, and its terrible to feel this way in life, im so lucky i got help and i wasnt even trying to get help it just kind of found me in a not so funny way, but never the less im greatful it found me now, it could have very well saved my own life, i did not care if i lived or died, many days i thought death would offer relief in a way you would not imagion, but now im so happy with life i cant think of any reason why i did not seek help on my own years ago, and all the money i could have saved on self medication, the meds i found for my self were not cheap by no-means, i guess im lucky to be alive these days if i look back at all the stupid stunts i pulled when i used drugs, and the crap i would mix with drugs, it turned out that i am bipolar something i know nothing about eccept i can tell ya how it made me feel in life, i cant find any thing better to use than the ditch story we read about here on Dr Phils site, it explaned my life to a damn T, but now i stoped spinning my wheels and got out from behind the wheel my self i only ride with a sober driver at the helm so to speak lol, its much safer for me this way, maybe you should seek help to see if maybe you arnt suffering from the same thing i suffer from, its possible i guess, any how i pray your life gets better fast so you dont have to suffer any longer, lifes too short to have to suffer any problems, hope it gets better soon for you too as it has for me, i still have problems but not quite as bad as b4, at least now i know what i got so that helps me alot in understanding why im like i am now i can eccept my self as i am and i got my meds to assist, thank God.

PLEASE HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS RUT – I co-owned 4 properties with my ex. He sold 2 of the properties and I did not get a share. I was only paid for what he owed me for deposit of his car. He agreed that I could remain with the other 2 properties. The challenge is that he is denying me access to the tenants occupying the properties and collects rent . Both properties are in arrears and banks threatening to repossess. I am concerned about my credit record should the banks repossess. He does not care as he has signed in for debt counselling. I cannot do that because I am responsible with my debts and sacrifice a lot to stick to the arrangements I make with creditors. Cannot afford a lawyer’s deposit at this stage. Legal aid lawyers could not help me. Please help I’m stuck in this rut. Thank you

I’ve heard it all, done it & am just flat out sick of life. I’m tired of sitting & crying. I’m tired of being ‘guilted’ into doing things by my family & I’m tired of feeling like the ‘black sheep’. 31 yrs. ago, my sister was killed in a car wreck & I was supposed to be with her that night. To this day I wish I was & that it had been me instead of her. I know everyone loved her & misses her to this day. They would be happier if she were here & I wasn’t & it really pisses me off that people say things like “suicide is selfish”. If you honestly love your family, why can’t they show it, say it & act like? I’m 47 & I feel like I’m everyones punching bag. I’ve totally had it. Life sucks…always has, always will. So why should I bother with it any more? And anyone who doesn’t KNOW ME PERSONALLY or what I’ve gone through in my life has no right to tell me “they care”. So don’t even go there.

Terri it looks like your blowing alot of steam off here, thats a good thing too, i know how you feel tho, i lost my brother in a way i will not disclose here but i too had wished with all my heart i could have taken his place, but at the same time im happy i still have a life to live, sorry for your loss i do know the pain ohhh so well, hope you find the answers you seek, i found my answers through God.

Vince, thanks for the words.
I know that this too shall pass, it always does. My problem is that this time I’ve lost the will to actively work at it. There was always a reason to drag myself out of it before, but I’m having a devil of a time finding one this time.

Trust me when I say the ONLY thing keeping me alive IS God…my fear of going to hell from suicide. I’ve reached my limit. I can’t think of one thing or even one person who I honestly miss me. I was bullied so bad from 1st grade on, not just by classmates but by the teacher & older kids. I was sexually molested at 7, beat in the face & head with hard-back school books by a friend of my brother, had another guy throw a rock & hit me in the head causing me to get stitches, was almost drowned by the same friend of my brother at the swimming pool, when I was 18 a 17 yr. old girl tried to run me over with her car while riding my bike…been this way all my life. My Mom died in 2000 & my brother lives in CA & he can’t seem to make time for me either. I’m sick of the guilt trips from my family over stupid things. I’ve got a disc deterioration disease & have had 2 back surgeries & have 3 more discs going bad so looking at a 3rd surgery, I’m losing my eyesight & hearing in my right ear & I’m diabetic. I’m so sick of feeling like a burden or pain in the butt to my husband & everyone else. He wouldn’t even take me to get a heart cath done. My friend had to take me but couldn’t stay because of work so I was dropped off & went through the thing all by myself. How would that make you feel? This is why I just don’t want to exist anymore. I’m miserable & just can’t seem to find a reason not to just fall off the face of the earth. I have nothing to give to anyone & my own husband doesn’t want to deal with me. Real ego booster there. So forgive me if I seem a little bitter. And “blowing off steam” doesn’t make it any better…I’ve been doing that for a really long time & it just doesn’t help. Sorry, but I’m NOT happy I have a life.

Thank you,
Exceptinging the towline has always been a problem for me. I want to do it by myself. I see the towlines and now I’m going to say yes and tell them I want to be their towline if ever needed. I wish we could do everything without asking for anyones help but I noticed that it sure doesnt get me anywhere. Wonderful example!

Linda RH your more than welcome i pray you will find the wilpower to pull ur self out of the ditch so-to-speak this time, i know from my own experances its a loanly place to be stuck at, wish there were more than i could do for my self as for others i read about here on Dr Phils sites, some times its a God-send to be able to blow off steam where others can read your problems and try to understand where your coming from, every now and then some one knows where were heading and tryes to help but most of the time people just scroll past and try to not get involved, at least i car read and know some-one out there has it far more worse than i do at times, that aint much but it do help me a bit to just know and feel that im lucky in some way or other, my prayers are with you, i do pray your life gets better fast as i do not want no one to have a rough life. just know that you are by-no-means alone in that rut, i share those ruts every day i wake up and even find it challenging to see how far out of them i get each day lol, i guess i was blessed in the way i am as i do love a challenge.

Terri you should put that guilt trip in reverse, its you they all owe a apology too, sorry you lost your mom in 2000, i still have mine thank God, cant even imagine how my life will be when i do louse my mom.