Monday, December 23, 2013

Forgotten *Holiday* Toon: Sonic Christmas Blast

Talk about your long-term planning! Last year, I got my friend the Sonic: Christmas Blast DVD as a Gag Gift along with his actual present as part of our Secret Santa Gift Exchange. Well, about a year later, I'm going to review the thing! One thing to mention is that the DVD is a bit misleading. You actually get a single Christmas-themed Episode of the Sonic cartoon- the goofy one with Chili Dogs- and three Episodes of Sonic: Underground, a completely-different show with the Sega mascot. It is worth noting that Sonic has had THREE different shows. He no longer has a Nintendo-less Console to call his own, but I guess this is just a consolation prize. So we've got a Christmas DVD with one Christmas Cartoon and three unrelated ones- joy. Let's get in the Christmas spirit and see what a Cartoon Show from 1996 has to offer us...

Santa Claus (who has bolts in his arms and legs) announces that he is retiring from defying all of the laws of Science to deliver toys on Christmas. In his place, he appoints...

Robotnik Claus! That and his Robot Minions- who are dressed like Cheerleaders for no good reason. Naturally, this is all a ploy by Robotnik to...make people give him presents.

Lex Luthor- take notes!

Meanwhile, Sonic meets up with his lady friend (who is just taunting Rule 34) and is determined to get her a good present. Shockingly, there is almost no pay-off to this.

Sonic finds out about the scheme and goes to work! His plan is to smash the Minions, let them fix themselves, blackmail them with a fake 'littering' (with their limbs) fines to get Santa's location and then smash them again.

Just to note: this was his disguise.

Santa is freed and Sonic is now tasked with saving Christmas. He needs to be super-duper fast and it all has to do with a ring.

Said ring was given to Sonic LAST YEAR and he suddenly realizes now that it is a Deus Ex Machina. Wow. Just...wow.

Oh and Sonic saves the day with violence. I hope you picked that lesson up, kids!

In the End, everyone gets their presents and Christmas is saved. In a Shyamalan twist, Santa decides to retire (for real) and we get Sonic Claus.

Oh and they end by wishing the audience a 'Merry Christmas.' Wait- you can see me? Uh oh.

As a whole, it's just plain stupid. Don't get me wrong- I'm much older than the target demographic. Even so, good Kids Movies/Shows can appeal to Adults in some way or another. This is just goofy. This is just silly. This is just innocuous fluff. I do like to over-examine it to make it look bad. Sonic saves the day with violence (on three occasions). Sonic cares more about getting gifts for his lady friend than helping out any charity or homeless shelter. I assume that in a world full of talking blue hedgehogs, three-tailed flying foxes and robot morons still has homeless. Am I wrong to think that? Ultimately, I shouldn't expect much from a Direct-to-Video Christmas Special starring Sonic the Hedgehog. I didn't. I got pretty much what I was expecting. It is so inept that it is pretty damn funny though.

***

Incidentally, to those of you wondering why I don't review the rest of the DVD, here's why....