Tag Archives: Chennai

“I am totally boiling inside and many times I have raised my opinion and he always puts me down by mocking me.”

Sharing an email.

Dear IHM

Here is a drama I face in college..

I have joined PG in a private engineering college in Chennai. One of the so-called best professor of my department is such a male-chauvinist. He advices his students (girls) that men can be satisfied only by two things – ‘hot cooked food’ and sex (of course he din say this aloud, because mouthing the word ‘sex’ in a class that too by a good professor is a punishable crime!)

More astonishing is that, his stupid students (my classmates) are justifying his talk.

Few things he said in class:

1. Men should never enter kitchen. He has ‘other’ works to do!
2. Men only should take decision in his house. Wife is not allowed to suggest. Because men are created by god such that he takes only a correct decision every time.
3. Men should not take care of kids, as only women are programmed to do that ‘properly’
4. Modern girls are spoiling human species.
5. Children are a sole purpose for women to live her life
6. Woman should ‘take care’ of her husband.
7. Wife’s parents should be kept away from meeting, talking to her!
8. Women are programmed by god to cook, clean, etc properly.
9. Modern women are not respecting man.

And the list goes on..

And my class girls are telling, few points are not good like men should never enter kitchen. They can altleast help some time. Not every time but once in a while..

I am totally boiling inside and many times I have raised my opinion about it and he always puts me down by mocking me. I just want to bury my head when he or my classmates talks about gender issues. I am so irritated and frustrated..

The Madras high court has awarded Rs 50 lakh compensation to actor Mansoor Ali Khan who was accused and convicted of raping a 23 year old woman around 16 years ago.

The woman had alleged that she approached the actor after he put up an advertisement for a secretary. She claimed that Khan offered her juice laced with sedatives and raped her repeatedly and threatened her against revealing it to anyone. In May 1998, she gave birth to a girl.

Mansoor Ali Khan was arrested on December 11, 1998 following the sexual harassment complaint lodged by the woman. In March 2001, Khan was awarded seven years’ rigorous imprisonment by trial court and a fine of Rs of 3 lakh as compensation to the woman.

However, Madras High Court voided his prison term, but asked him to pay 3.25 lakh to the woman and 7 lakh to the child. Later, he challenged the HC ruling in Supreme Court, where his appeal was dismissed in February 2008.

In his petition in the HC, Khan said he came across a matrimonial case initiated by the woman, seeking to reunite with her husband. Claiming that the marriage took place in August 1994, she had sought restitution of conjugal rights, the petition said. [IHM: This is not clear, does this alone make her accusations of rape false? Or does this prove that she was a ‘habitual offender’?]

The actor pointed out that the woman had told the trial court during examination that he was responsible for her losing her virginity and that it was the first time she had had intercourse, albeit by force. Accusing her of furnishing false information to court and succeeding in her efforts, Khan said he had been maliciously prosecuted and subjected to humiliation.

He said the woman had first approached him for help, and he had extended financial assistance to her as he was mandated to do charity as per the Mohammedan Law. Claiming that his association with the woman was purely on humanitarian considerations [IHM: This can be proved with a DNA test?] the actor said she slapped him with a charge of rape as she feared he would stop helping her. Calling it fraud, he wanted a compensation of 50 lakh towards loss of reputation and film career. The woman failed to appear before the court despite summons.

1. Was a DNA test conducted (or required?) to find out if the actor was the father of the child?

2. Withholding information could indicate malintent I suppose, but does it matter that she was not a virgin, or even if she was married at the time when she claimed she was raped?

3. I think ‘rape’ in legal terms is also used to describe consensual sex if the woman was promised marriage (or lied to, or cheated) to get her to consent. Do you think the appropriate term in such cases would be ‘cheating’ or ‘breach of trust’ or another term, but not ‘rape’?

But before sharing Amar Jyoti Kalita’s favorite song, let me share two responses to that song.

1.

I smoke, I drink,
I’m in a live-in relationship
I also have a full-time job
and a viable college degree
… oh and a personality
Is that a violation of your
“westernisation of modern culture”
whatever that means!
Hip hop music
pimped out floozies
ripped-up blue jeans
tank-topped groupies
And you sing about
MY fucked up roots
Thats so ironic
you messed up Chooths

(Speaking Tamil…)
If we smoke
its abistu abacharam (bhramin tamil for bad and inappropriate)
If you smoke
its ‘thaliavar kalaacharam’ (Thalaivar Kalaacharam = Rajini Khant Culture)
If we step into clubs
It looks dirty to you
So you go to clubs
and want to see men?
women who get high/drunk in clubs
are better off than men like YOU

So bugger off
with your arrogant talk
atleast I didnt drink and beat people up
Or feel women up
or fight with a cop
Or burp in your face
I mean seriously
thats pissing off
or rape or pillage
or strip a women
and steal away her dignity
You talk of customs
of society
you mean infanticide
dowry and sati
culture doesn’t
promote inequality
its about words
clothes and sobriety
why does it matter
what language I speak
As long as my message
is clear and complete

My mother tongue is Malayalam

(speaking in Malayalam…)
Would you understand
if I speak to you in Malayalam?!!

So come on my women
Stick with me
Help me fight this
lyrical travesty
this chump seems to have
a marble up his arse
coz after 10 months
some chick gave him a pass

Its very scary that this ‘rap song’ seems to have been performed in public (Link) and nobody thinks its offensive!! If this mood builds up, we’re looking at another Guwahati mob attack waiting to happen.

When did good music and catchy tunes come down to chauvinistic and pathetic attempts at rhymes???
Well… I think I did vent a bit. Do take the time to look at the them.

Oh and yes please add my name, I want it on record somewhere! that I spoke up!!!

Love,

Mary M. Mammen

And now for the song that the likes of Amar Jyoti Kalita seem to live by – ‘Club Le Mabbu Le’

A rough translation:

Women who roam in clubs
What is happening in this place of pure Tamil?
Ladies, I salute you all
Ladies, Its very shameful

….

You dance while you are drunk

The time of walking gracefully is gone
They blow out the smoke
They left out wearing expensive silk saris
They wear handkerchief
They wear handkerchief

Women who roam in clubs
What is happening in this place of pure Tamil?
Ladies, I salute you all
Ladies, Its very shameful

I didn’t want to write another post for this, but I need to know if I am the only one not comfortable with the way this case is being discussed in some places. Do you think modern day pressures and parenting is the cause of this crime? Did we have no juvenile crimes in the past? Also, do you think it matters that throughout history we have glorified violence making some kind of violence justified because the violent person couldn’t take it any longer? Can violence be justified except in self defense?

What did you think of the Chennai teenager from class IX stabbing a teacher for ‘being too strict’? Read more about it here.

… it was a free period at 11.30am and the teacher had volunteered to take a special class for students with Hindi as the second language. “There were just six students who were to attend the class. The boy went to the classroom with the knife before the other students reached there, and attacked her,” .

…When they tried to nab him, he brandished the knife, threatening to attack them, said an eyewitness.

… the student did not attempt to escape.

…

Police recovered the blood-soaked knife from the boy and arrested him on charges of murder. The student’s schoolmates said the boy was not aggressive by nature, but had been aloof. “He never mingled with others,” a student said. His neighbours too said he has been a quiet child… [Link]

The teacher was a single mother with two daughters staying in a school hostel.

Thirty-nine-year-old Uma Maheshwari died with many dreams. She hoped to see her daughters study medicine and become doctors one day. She wanted to become a college lecturer. She was about to finish her M.Phil. Only two papers were left. [Link]

He had bought the knife he used and “chased her and stabbed her even as she tried to run out of the classroom” – where do you think so much violence came from?

Do you think we tend to glorify or even romanticize violence, conveying that only some kind of violence is wrong? And then who decides which kind of violence is not justified?

Can violence be seen as ‘sometimes justified’ by a young person who is under pressure?

One of the Basic Tenets of Indian Family Values is that young people should not be allowed to decide who they marry. No matter what reasons are given, this rule is accepted across cultures, regions and religions.

So young people are denied opportunities of meeting potential life partners.

Until recently control was also achieved by denying opportunities of becoming emotionally and financially self reliant. ‘Children’ were married before they became self reliant and hence ‘out of control‘. But now that financial self reliance has started becoming a requirement for Arranged Marriages, some rules are changing.

Marrying someone not chosen by the elders is generally seen as a serious offense, it can even get them killed.

In Muzaffarnagar, “The panchayat has imposed a ban on the usage of mobile phones by unmarried girls to prevent them from eloping with young boys against the wishes of their parents,” [link]

Young adults are taught about the moral dangers of interacting with young adults of the ‘opposite sex’. Such attempts, it is believed, lead to being ‘misled’.

The Gujjar community took a leaf out of the Taliban’s book, banning jeans and mobile phones for girls at a panchayat in Saharanpur… [Link]

So are the young Indians for or against Arranged Marriages?

Many young people believe that their parents are better qualified to find them life partners (some young Indians also believe that their parents are better qualified to raise their children).

Many young adults of ‘marriageable age’ have not had the time or opportunity to meet potential life partners (the video above is an example of how this is sometimes achieved). Also there is fear of lack of parents’ support, and everybody has heard about the ‘divorce rates in Love Marriages’.

Dowry and parental approval also make Arranged Marriages attractive to some.

There is also a minority (I think mostly middle class) where ‘choice marriages’ are not frowned upon, but many Indians see Love Marriages as immoral (I guess because the couple had to ‘interact with the opposite sex’ before they decided to marry…?)

Have you heard about The Lovers’ Party?

Some oppose it because ‘Love Marriages spoil the family system of our nation’. Do you agree?