Like this:

Man boarding bus to driver: You better not go flippin’ this bitch over!

–Fung Wah Bus, Chinatown

Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.

Shrewd observer: You’ve had way too much cock in your mouth to be vegan.

–Outside The Lucky Cat, 245 Grand St, Williamsburg

Small child in stroller: Mommy, why did you wake me up? Don’t wake me up when I’m sleeping!Mom: Fine. I’ll leave you on the train and you can miss your stop and then the rats will get you.

–Brooklyn bound Q train

Conductor: This is an express, uptown C train. You heard right: an express C train. Next stop: 125th Street. If you need local service on the Upper West Side, please transfer across the platform to the D, as in “Daddy done did it” or B, as in “bad boy Bobby Brown” train.

–C train, 59th St

Conductor: This is a Brooklyn bound B train. Like bitch.

–B train

Mother: Don’t you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?

–Union Square

Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.Male student #2: I’ll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.

–Columbia University

Cop: I won’t issue you a summons if you can answer this question correctly… What’s closer to New York, Italy or the moon? I’ll give you a hint. You can see the moon.Perp: Ummm… the moon!

“Urban always had a style to it, a swagger,” Mr. Theodore said. But it came with baggage, too — “overuse of the ‘N’ word, the pants sagging,” he said. “It just created this stigma. When I travel overseas, people see the way we dress and say: ‘You guys don’t listen to hip-hop. You’re not urban.’ Yes, we are.” – OUIGI THEODORE founder Brooklyn Circus.