We’re talking, “Who would win in a tag team match between Chris and Christy and Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson?”-type questions. To which Captain Chaos answers:

“The tag team match would start off with Christy and Jessica in the ring. Someone would come out of the stands with a cooler of beer and a couple of stools for Tony and I. We would proceed to sit ringside and high-five while clothes were furiously ripped off. In my world the match would end in Jes tapping out to a vicious choke hold, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Christy dropped an elbow on her before she poured beer all over herself to celebrate.”

/snaps out of it

Now THAT is a tremendous answer, my friends. If he keeps this up, he won’t just be one of D.C.’s favorite athletes. He’ll be one of America’s.