Ann VanderMeer, wife of bleeding-edge fantasy writer Jeff VanderMeer, says ET is treyf. When she's not busy working as the Fiction Editor of Weird Tales magazine, VanderMeer — an observant Jew — finds time to tutor Bar and Bat Mitzvah students. She recently fielded questions from Jeff's ravenous companion animal, EvilMonkey, regarding which imaginary animals are kosher. Ever wondered if would be halachically okay to eat a Cornish Owl Man? Find out on Jeff's blog.

Here's an appetizer, from the M's:

Man-Eating Tree – A: “Tree part yes, man-eating no, therefore treyf.”

Mermaid – A: “No, for the obvious reasons.” EM: “What if you marry one? Is that kosher? Will a rabbi marry you?” A: “Kosher is a term about eating, not about sex.” EM: “I’m not talking about sex–I’m talking about marriage!” A: “If the mermaid is Jewish, the rabbi will probably marry you. But only if you’re Jewish too. But you’ll definitely have to find the right rabbi…”

Mongolian Death Worm – A: “No, because you cannot eat anything that crawls on its belly.” EM: “Does that mean an injured kosher animal that is crawling along isn’t kosher any more?” A: “Yes, because you can’t eat an animal that’s been injured or is sick.” EM: “It’s a wonder you haven’t all starved to death.”