Saturday, July 17, 2010

Text ME - Part Three

And even more awesomeness from Textland. Don't forget to check out part one and part two if you missed them.

From Bride to Kate:
Happy hasn't stopped talking since I got here. Good Lord. Why did you teach him words?

From Amy, the Pregnant Chicken to Lydia:
Some asshat crawled in my window and stole my laptop last week. I seriously hope my curse of anal warts and seasonal allergies proves successful but until then, the laptop is gone.

An actual text exchange between Kate and Lydia from yesterday afternoon...Lydia: You're stupid. Because you haven't texted me all day. I'm going to go see Eclipse tonight. So suck on THAT.

Kate: I totally texted you. But in was in Braille. So maybe *you* just couldn't read it.Lydia: I am not interested in your EXCUSES.

Lydia: Oh snap. I have to go. I have hot dog juice on my pants.Kate: Of course you do. You are awesome.

From a reader - random texts between her and her cousins:L: I am going to tell the psychiatrist that I am experimenting with a new form of therapy where I visualize my negative emotions being released when I fart.Cousin: Do so! And she will say she has discovered a new mental illness!

L: My new professor looks like a character from a Tim Burton animation. Also. Why do all male professors have an inability to brush their hair?Cousin: It's a prerequisite.

From Amy, the Pregnant Chicken to Lydia & Kate
I'm not going to show up to your t-box party and find out you're two old Russian men with candy in your pants, am I? I need to stop worrying about it

Me to Husband: "If I have to listen to these boys fight for one more minute I am going to put my head in the oven" Husband: "Use a microwave, it's quicker"

Me to hubby: Took Charlie to tumbling and am currently sitting in the dr office waiting room. I just looked down and realized that I have poop on my shirt. Poetically, it is an accurate description of my day.

Text received by a mommy from ??: Ugh I did not want to get out of bed. I got naked last nite n Ian was using the broom n I fell asleep waiting 4 him. He said I was dead I felt bad.

I got a text from a number I didn't recognize one night...Random Guy: Hey.Me: Hey. Who is this?Guy: This is Mark. Is this Rachel?Me: No, this is Sharon. I don't know you.Guy: Oh.A little later in the evening...Guy: What are you doing?Me: Hanging out with my cousin.Guy: Wanna go see a movie?Me: (thinking, really? because that's not creepy at all) I'm 28 and married. With 2 kids. And 8 months pregnant.Guy: Oh. Nevermind.
I was really surprised when he never texted back...

From Lydia to Lucy:
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72 and they're all poisonous.

From Amy, the Pregnant Chicken to Kate & Lydia:
I'll take the giant bottle of wine instead of the Jimmy Choos because we'd have an international incident when I try walking in them and snap my ankle like the Rold Gold pretzel stick I found in the couch this morning. Besides, I'm a big flats fan (I like to spell it phlats because it adds to my street cred) and they contain my Fred Flintstone feet. Aren't I painting a sexy picture for you?

And that concludes our delightful 3 part volume of the funniest texts we have ever sent or recieved.
Thank you very much to all the folks who sent in their stuff!
xo, Kate and Lydia