When mothers cry things change! Welcome to one of the understanding mommy blogs for stressed mothers looking for support. Insightful information for people who want to know more about motherhood -- a topic for every Mother's day is found on this site. New moms, step-moms, divorced moms, married moms, Christian moms, and any other mom who likes reading helpful information about motherhood challenges will enjoy this mommy blog. Start surfing and subscribe today to this family blog!

Whether rich or poor, with your child or no longer, as hard as it may see anything positive with your mother role, there is! You are to demonstrate strength and be that beacon of light to others who may be going through far much than you.

Sometimes we must lift our heads up out of our own challenging situations and see other mothers and how they overcome their struggles or assist those who are hurting too. These survivors and victims are our inspiration to want a better life. Allow them to encourage you to want to do some things differently that might be hindering you from achieving personal and professional goals.

It is very easy to feel tempted to want to put others down, be critical, or assume one knows enough about someone to instruct, but the truth is we are all works in progress and every now and again we just need an uplift!

Be motivated in the coming year to do what you always wanted to do, live the way you see fit, and be moved to assist those who could use your help!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire is this blog owner, author, and a motivational speaker on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

You have prayed, cried, and even lied just to get some things done for your family and sometimes it feels like your best isn't good enough. It seems the enemy, rather than God's angels are encamped all around you, but not so fast! There are better days and what you might think is evil is really going to be turned around for your good! You say, "How so?" Keep reading.

Just when I was ready to give up being a parent and I recognized one day that all the trials I had gone through prior to writing "When Mothers Cry" was to strengthen me to become a better mother, and not to move me in a direction to give up my role as a mother (whether near or far), I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I received this revelation. I am better able to stand strong in the face of opposition due to both knowledge and wisdom and have stayed connected over the years to my God. I see that all my pain was being converted into freeing others through their life storms since I was bold enough to talk about my truth.

I challenge you this day to claim good things for yourself and your children irregardless of what your situation looks like right now! Even when someone or something tells you that "you can't...you won't...you will not..." You will tell yourself, "God willing, I will overcome...My children and I will be blessed!" But this mantra doesn't work if you don't believe it. You will not be able to stand strong when the fight comes if you don't believe you have already won. You are taking ownership of your happiness, peace, and truth. No one defines those things but you!

I think as mothers we give far too much of our authority away to husbands, children, relatives, bosses, exes, in-laws, and others. They can't control or exert power over us unless we give them the gun and tell them to press the trigger. I don't know about you, but I am not giving any guns to friends or foes. Rather I am exposing lies and pain for what they are. The enemy uses those closest to you to deceive, steal, kill, destroy, and curse your life. What your enemies called "bad...poor...not good" my God says those were tests and wilderness experiences that I brought you out of and so those same people who think I AM is far from you and is not blessing you, will soon realize just how far away I AM is from them. Their evil speech will turn into mourning in these upcoming years--notice I didn't say year.

As a mother, you have to cast down the strongholds that people put upon your family. You bind curses and turn burdens over to that Almighty God you claim you serve! Good things can happen and will, because Mother you are going to strategically align yourself with the right people, places and things so that the Holy One will be right on time!

Moms, we don't cry for the lost and those refused to change for the good, but rejoice for the winners!

Still winning!

Nicholl McGuire is an inspirational speaker to thousands around the web. Be inspired by her work on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 and purchase one of her latest e-books.

Thursday

So many things to do and so little time to do it, but you will get through, Mother! You have been here before and you will again, so suck it up and do what you can! However, think about what is happening and whether or not you are going to make things happen like this next year and the next and the next. Hmm.

I awoke to my traditional programming many years ago (about 2007) when I noticed that I was the only one concerned about the tree, tinsel, gifts, meals, visiting relatives for holidays, etc. "What was I doing?" I asked myself. No one was stressed but me. The males in the family continued to do what they always did year after year (watch TV and eat) while mothers, stressed like myself at the time, put on phony smiles and complained to our moms about everything from how much something cost to what someone wasn't doing to help us.

Those days leading up up to 2007, I was beginning to feel angered for no apparent reason especially during the holidays. I was stressed about spending far too much money and time with folks who didn't appreciate much or did little any other time of the year. Did they really give a d*mn anyway?

I learned early on when the tree was no more one year that no one seem to care not even my little ones. Then the next year I noticed nothing was said when I bought less. Years later included no cooking and no gifts, the family complaints were few. They lived with it despite my mixed emotions. "Wait a minute," I thought. "I am making a big deal out of nothing! I do for all sorts of people other times of the year too! And isn't this the season that is really supposed to be about Christ, but then no one really knows his real birthday...and don't I have debt to pay...so now what is the purpose again?" Then when I saw the billions of dollars corporation receive around the holidays and I had nothing--I really woke up!

Mothers take on more than their share of holiday planning, buying gifts, bridging gaps with their families, friends and in-laws, and for what? You don't realize just how much you are doing and how it starts taking a toll on you (mentally, physically and spiritually) until you have a wake up call--the kind that leaves you scratching your head, "Now what am I doing all this for again?"

Rest in peace to all the mothers who are no longer with us this holiday season. (It kind of makes you wonder they might have lived a little longer if they hadn't stressed so much during their youth about the holidays and during other times of the year).

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom on this site and others. Get your copy of When Mothers Cry today.

Friday

Do you know a man, maybe your own son, who is simply tired of mom, step-mom, mother-in-law, grandmothers, women on the job and others? Listen up, this might be just what you need to help you better understand a man's plight Burned Out Men with Women

Thursday

I just wanted to take this moment to thank the contributors of this blog and all those who have shared their entries. I am so glad that so many parents have found it useful. I look forward to having an even better year and wishing you and your family good health and happiness!

At this time we are welcoming any contributors who would like to be featured for their motherhood related challenges. Also any individual or business who would like to purchase ad space, do make contact.

Nicholl McGuire is the manager of this blog, a self-published author, inspirational speaker, and business owner originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She has been a featured guest on television and radio talk shows such as networks CBS and WPXI Channel 11.

Wednesday

We have all been there in the store, park, library, parking lots and more, watching angry mothers handle children or ignore them. Couples fighting about one thing or another. Children having their share of fallouts. Observers looking as if, "I have never seen such foolishness! Shame, shame!"

Well give it some time and who knows you just might be not only a witness, but a participant with your own or someone else's children (grandchildren) especially if you are married for any length of time to a partner who isn't always going to be nice and loving to you or kids.

Spend enough time with difficult relatives and they will send your mind to places you didn't think it could go. Then throw in a stressful job, demanding grandparents, and more debt than finances and who knows how your body might react. There are plenty of overweight, angry, mentally disturbed, hospitalized, mean-spirited and "I can do no wrong mothers" suffering as your read this. They more than likely threw some critical stares at other mothers while pretending as if nothing was wrong with them. Then their turn came around and chronic stress shamed them from the way they look to the ending of marriages while critics looked at them, "Such a pity...how awful. Well, she should have...could have...I would never..." Watch statements like that.

So when you take a moment to read the following story about a mother, who lost her cool with her emotional four year old child after grocery shopping, do keep in mind what she says at the end of her story. Mothers seriously need to cut one another some slack--we ain't perfect! Click for article.

Thursday

Consider the kind of relationship you have with your children. What you say and do with sons and daughters will impact them for many years. If you are ineffective (not caring for basic needs), demanding (strict), and have other issues when it comes to parenting then expect rebellious, uncaring children. This is why some parents don't have quality connections with their offspring. Many are lonely in senior citizen homes all around our land, because they just weren't good parents.

Wednesday

Many children experience a subtle form of power and control exerted upon them by manipulative fathers with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). While smiling, pretending as if they are loving, kind and sweet, narcissistic fathers will do and say things to feed their egos. They have little concern about their children's feelings and desires particularly when they conflict with their goals, revenge, and personal supply of wanting to feel good and look right before the eyes of people in their social circle and elsewhere. Mothers who are unaware of the signs that their partners' or exes' egos are larger than life will overlook how mean-spirited these men can be with them, children and others. By any means necessary, the narcissist will use children and anyone else for selfish gain in the form of wealth, emotional supply, travel, and anything else he wants. Victims enable these type of men. But what they fail to realize is there is never an ending to meeting the demands of some of these mentally disturbed men who refuse to face the fact that there is something wrong in the way they think and behave with others.

Whether you live with the narcissist father or you don't, chances are if children are visiting or living with him, they are being exposed to his foolish mindset. A constant need for attention, the egoist is insulting, shaming, and acting evilly with children who don't tow the line while blaming you or someone else for all that goes wrong and everything that goes right, they credit themselves or select favorites even when some of their toting is unfair and inaccurate. Further, the narcissist is behaving in ways that anger children, pitting them against one another, and doing other things that annoy them especially when it comes to sons and daughters wanting relationships with other parents and relatives. The constant denials, manipulation and control by these narcissistic fathers will eventually cause children to resent them.

This is why it is crucial to pay attention to the signs that a child or children are being mistreated by narcissistic fathers. Be sure to remain active in their lives come hell or high water, because sooner or later they are going to need some help.

1. Change of heart. Is your child often talking about getting away from dad whereas before he or she didn't mind living or visiting with him or her?

2. Reaching out to others. Has your child verbalized concerns with school staff, relatives and others about the narcissistic parent? Did the child communicate how the counselors and others started looking at him or her as having a mental problem rather than investigating the parent?

3. Nervousness, anxiety. Does your child feel as if he or she is walking on egg shells when speaking with the parent and worry often about the father punishing him or her for talking about the NPD parent and others?

4. Depressed. Is the parent often getting angry or defensive with the child behind closed doors and sometimes in public leaving the child feeling depressed, angered or emotionally withdrawn?

5. Hateful feelings. Does the child say things that express disdain for his or her father?

6. Nonchalant. Is the father putting his selfish needs before the child's needs while one's son or daughter doesn't feel like the parent cares? Children tend to act just as uncaring with others as well.

7. Failing grades, loss of interest in once loved activities. Has the father acted harshly with the child about things like school conduct, sporting performances, and more?

8. Fighting, sexual promiscuity, substance abuse and other addictions. Has your child exhibited erratic behavior, communicated strange thoughts, or did some shocking things? Not only do you want to interview your child, but also find out of the child has been abused by him or a partner, someone outside the home, has access to a father's alcohol or drugs, or started watching his pornographic material. A father who spends many hours at work has no clue what a child is up to while he is away and don't believe his smokescreens that he uses to distract you from what is really going on in his dwelling.

Narcissists are very selfish and controlling individuals. In addition, they are needy for attention, act in ways to belittle others while esteeming themselves as the doting father, caring, and wanting what is best for children when in all actuality these things are untrue. These men are more concerned about how children make them look. Educators, judges, law enforcement, and even members of the father's own family don't suspect how prideful, threatening, and vengeful these men can be when they are set on attacking their exes for old and new, don't get their way in court or when a child has made them look bad before others. Their mindset is often "someone is going to pay for this..."

If you know someone like this, get your supportive network together, plan your battle accordingly, and do not ever let a narcissist know your plans now or in the future. Let the authorities deal with him if you suspect he is violent. Record all contact, make necessary arrangements to meet with school officials and anyone else connected to your child, and never ignore your son or daughter's pleas for help!

Wednesday

So many people are taking advantage of all sorts of promotions to save money when they shop online for their families. However, many are missing out. Are you aware of the programs that exist that help retailers attract online customers while rewarding shoppers for using them? If you are not, here's one. Sign up using my link and be rewarded. Click here.

10. Think of creative things you use to do or was curious about and relearn them.

The sooner you start something that uplifts your emotions, the better you will feel and the day won't be so bad. Keep in mind, you don't want to talk to people, visit places, or do things that will alter your mood in such a way that angry emotions only intensify. Keep the negativity away!

It catches up to parents and grandparents sooner or later, the anger they had when they received the news long ago, "You are expecting." Some family members (or maybe you) weren't ready then, never completely accepted the responsibility as babies grew, and by the time children turned into adults, there is bad blood, because parents and grandparents "were not that happy about having children" or "my children make me mad...I don't have much in life because of them!"

There are plenty of parents and grandparents who had unresolved issues before children came along, so by the time grandchildren and great grandchildren come along, they too experience the pain that rejection causes just like their mothers and fathers went through. It is a reality that many matriarchs would rather not face, but sooner or later what is in darkness comes to light.

"I never wanted that little girl...I knew she was going to be a problem...I always felt I would have problems with my son. From a little boy, I could see that we would never get along..." so one's prophecy was correct, now what?

Grandchildren come along and great grandchildren and oftentimes the hate extends to them as well. Self-righteous, prideful and selfish kin refuse to change, because "My daddy was like that...My mother didn't show me love, so that's why I'm that way." So the excuses continue to be made and no one breaks the curse.

"Why doesn't grandma bother with us? What did you do, Dad? Why don't the rest of the family care for us?" a child says. The truth is told to the curious child, "Some people are just not going to get along with one another even if they grew up in the same families. There are those who don't know how to love or deserve our love," explains a mother.

When it comes to creating a project, you know you just can't make square pegs fit in round holes no matter how much you apply force without the wood cracking. Therefore, when it comes to familial relationships, you can't make people love one another no matter how many television shows you have watched, counselors you have visited, families you have compared yours to, and more. There are plenty of people that get along quite nicely, because they don't connect with one another and those who are often at war because they communicate too much.

The parents and grandparents, who couldn't wait for children to grow up and get out, are populating many senior citizen dwellings around the world. These lonely men and women rarely get any visitors, because they got just what they wanted, God knows. Some forgot about prayers said long ago, "Lord, I can't wait until these children grow up and have families of their own...I wish my children would just leave me alone...I can't stand this child!" If the elders never reversed the prayers of rejection they spouted off, then they are still very active. It isn't any wonder that children feel the tension in the air when they show up to relatives' homes. They eventually learn to keep away whether the rejection, resentment, jealousy, bitterness and more from kinfolk is ever verbalized or not. Adult sons and daughters and their families go where they feel loved, appreciated, and where there will be the least amount of drama especially around holidays.

This secret resentment, anger or wish that a child had never been born doesn't easily go away for those who have never experienced genuine love and aren't much interested in obtaining professional counsel to be free from past issues. The rejection of children is a cycle in many families that doesn't seem to end, because no one is aware that it is going on. This is why countless children experience verbal, emotional, sexual, physical, and spiritual abuse in environments that are supposed to be loving and safe.

Ask yourself, "Why is it that I or parents and grandparents resent children so? Why do I or they act so unwilling to connect outside of periodic gift-giving and/or emergency crisis? Why are some relatives so bitter to the point that I can't help but wonder if they were self-harmed, had been abused, or hurt others in the family? Do I or my children have to put up with a tensed atmosphere?

Finding much fault and resentment with children is not normal. Cursing and throwing things at or around children over the littlest of things are signs the person doing them is emotionally unstable. It is always best to keep children away from angry people or else they behave just like them or exhibit low self-esteem and nervousness.

Most families, especially mothers, who sincerely want relationships with their children will not do things to keep them distant even if fathers don't have good relationships with them. But unstable, insecure, abused, and sickly women will. I recall many stories of mothers and grandmothers who didn't have quality relationships with daughters, sons and grandchildren, and it wasn't because the children were "bad" since many had moved on with their lives and no longer came around, but it was due to these women having far too many personal issues they just didn't have the mindset and energy to deal with their families and the children could see this. So younger relatives either coped with the negativity from dysfunctional matriarchs and patriarchs or guarded themselves and children from it.

Yesterday was yet another wake up call for me and I recognized that just because some teachers are popular doesn't mean that they are good when it comes to solving mother and children dilemmas, relationships, and workplace issues. I spend hours daily researching all sorts of material for a number of projects and sometimes I am just shocked at the sneaky ways evil shows up to mentally, physically and spiritually bound masses of people while pretending to free them.

I thought of a psychologist yesterday, who like most of her colleagues, challenges her clients to do some inward work on themselves when it comes to their personal perceptions, feelings, etc. regarding loved ones and others. I liked some of the exercises she provided, but I also recognized that validating her clients' emotions was definitely not something she did and even when they validated their own emotions, she kept encouraging them to explore more. I thought, "Now how much more exploring are people going to do and when was she going to do a little more guiding them outside of their dysfunctional boxes and onto some greener pastures?" Anyway, I noticed there was a motherly attitude that exemplified, "You should know better...You could have...You should have...the answers are within you..." therefore causing her clients to criticize themselves for even bothering to react to someone's "perceived" wrongdoing. I thought, "They could have stayed home with the folks that offended them and heard them say how wrong they were!?" Her demeanor displayed she wasn't buying too much of anything these hurting people were saying, but hey, a wealthy bank account makes some behave that way. Now I use the psychologist as an example just to show you how this sort of counseling happens between mothers (who either care too much or others who care too little) and their teens and adult sons and daughters. If your offspring is coming to you with an issue, helping him or her solve it is wonderful, but how you do it, what you say, your demeanor, and other factors will indeed make or break your relationship. Further, allowing one's offspring some room to come up with his or her conclusion is a good thing, but when you know that a son or daughter is not showing any signs that he or she is ready or able to receive your counsel, then back off and direct his or her attention to some resources that might help.

Plenty of things aren't that serious to discuss with others and we don't always need to react or assume the worse when we or "they" don't want to be bothered, but our perceptions are not always wrong about people, but some counselors (even loved ones) will have you to believe that they are and you can't trust them. I think with victims who have been abused for years, there is always a person within who says, "Am I wrong? Is this really a big deal? Should I have defended myself in that situation? Is what I am seeing and hearing truly accurate?" Sometimes this is done so much in the mind to the point that one doesn't recognize right from wrong, good from evil anymore--the lines are blurred. I could see what side the loveable psychologist was really on and I can't say for sure she was a child of light. Narcissistic types love calling evil good and good evil, blurring lines, denying, blaming, etc. and also thoroughly enjoy any work that self-sabotages. What better way to get the attention off the guilty party and his or her mean-spirited ways, when you focus solely on your so-called inaccurate perceptions, "crazy" ways, and more, while a partner cheats, a relative continues to lie, a friend steals, a boss disrespects you, and children do some ungodly things. Meanwhile, the victim (or one of her protective alters) is behind yet another room in her mind that she was placed in by a so-called, helpful psychologist who tells her, like only a mother can, "Go to your room and think about it...not my problem...Who cares? I have better things to do."

We can easily fall into a trap of following after counselors in darkness who love getting us to challenge ourselves, but also play with our minds during the process so that we doubt what we feel even when our responses are quite natural and/or spiritual. If I am angry and I know who or what provoked me to anger, then why would I challenge an absolute truth in my world whether you choose to believe I shouldn't be angry over one thing or another? Anger is a constructive, attention-getting boundary when used correctly and within reason, so why take that righteous indignation away from someone? What about if you are sad about the loss of a loved one, don't you have a right to grieve in the way that brings you peace for how long you want? Maybe the grief is also working as a boundary to keep troubled individuals away. But a counselor who has vested interest in making money might cause you to think in a way that you are always relying on him or her while never reaching true peace and freedom (think: controlling pastors). Sometimes we aren't going to get a quality life looking inside the same selves that made the poor decisions in the first place--thank God for those counselors who do respect Him, His Holy Word and direct us toward Him. God knows the burdens can be far too great to deal with exclusively within, this is why some end up destroying selves, families, careers, and more because they can't see any way out of the boxes that people have put them in, so they become enemies of their selves.

Wisdom, love, defending yourself, and more is what you are supposed to exhibit when someone is attempting to put your light out, suffocate your spirit, or exercise power and control over you. Why would I take what I feel in the moment toward my accuser/foe and reverse it back on me as if the lie I have been fed (or whatever else) applies to me while being told in so many words I shouldn't be feeling that way? But this is what some of these quack counselors attempt to get you to do over and over again before you are taking some prescribed medication or doing other things to put you on a fast track toward suicide or murder. "There must be something wrong with me...maybe I am a nut. No wonder he doesn't love me," one might say. Maybe you are a bit odd, have some "issues," but good counselors are supposed to help, not leave it all up to you to do everything to heal you. If that's the case, you don't need them. Meanwhile, the counselor who has brainwashed an individual into thinking he or she is one's own god takes no responsibility for provoking negative reactions to the lies, twisted doctrines, and other dark things he or she supports. Think before you go under hypnosis, who are you trusting your mind to?

When it comes to the people and things of God, some ill-informed counselors, know full well that it isn't a single event that causes someone to react, but a series of them leading up to emotional outbursts, mental breakdowns, and more. But our media would have us to believe that the poor mother went crazy over some of the most strangest things before hurting a spouse or children. Rarely, does a group say, "Well how did she get to that point where she lost it?"

During those moments we self-talk, we are supposed to be taking responsibility for times we didn't say or do something when people or things were hurting us. That is often what many of us mothers are guilty of along with not handling issues as soon as they happen. In addition, we might fail to document problems due to being tired, busy, lazy, etc. and then forgetting about them, and/or not expressing concerns for fear we don't want to hurt someone's feelings or reputations. Women are good for doing these things then later blowing up on everyone and everything because we didn't feel our personal needs were met by a partner, children or grandchildren. Did we tell anyone how we felt or did we just sweep things under the rug when people refused to help us? "No big deal, oh well..." some women say about a situation(s) when they know they are dying inside. Others say more than enough and are pushed away, misunderstood or treated unfairly as a result.

If you should find yourself seeking a professional counselor on or offline or using family and friends as listening ears about problems, know that you have reached the point where you don't feel like you can manage it. This is why it is so important to know who you are trusting your life to whether it is recorded messages online or face-to-face counseling sessions. A good adviser is going to provide you with solutions that go beyond self-reflection exercises. Of course, it is extremely helpful to question whether your perception in a matter is indeed accurate, but you don't want to stay in that place to the point that you are doing things like: doubting your feelings, whether events happened in the way you saw them, was what you heard true, belittling yourself, esteeming an abuser, often thinking something is wrong with you for reacting, etc.

No matter what someone says or how comical, motherly, and clever a person might be in showing you some silly, dumb or stupid things about you, stay away from becoming your own worse enemy, abusing yourself, while elevating popular counselors, codependents and abusers. Most of all, check to see if you are doing these things to others.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books, blogs and provides online administrative support for individuals and businesses.

Monday

Something is happening with many mothers all across our land. The school year hasn't long been underway and yet they are tired, impatient, and easily angered. They have hot flashes, mood swings, headaches, and other pain. Partners are bewildered. Children stare from a distance. "There is something wrong with Mommy," they think. But no one cares too much after the tears, yells, and door slamming. An hour or two later someone will be asking poor mom, "Where did you put my....and what are we having for dinner? I need your help with..." The family doesn't seem to care too much. Life goes on.

Health issues will arise as a mother ages whether she is currently young or mature and one day she will be unable to put her medical conditions off any longer. Not that long ago, I had a dream where myself and a young lady were in a hospital room together. I felt like we were there for surgeries. Neither of us were pregnant. It was obvious to me that we were waiting on doctors to fix our situations which we didn't talk about in the dream. This sort of thing happens in our waking life, we know we have our share of challenges, but making the time to deal with them is a fight especially when people seem not to care.

A relative once told me that if you don't care about you, who will? So true. The warning signs are there as our bodies transition and so too are the supplements, prescriptions, healthy food, exercise, and more that we need to ease many of our symptoms. But what also has to occur for stressed out mothers to get back on the fast track toward healing is needed peace and quiet. Rest is essential. If it means you have to take a personal day off from work, save money to enlist the help of a babysitter or relative or scale down on those extracurricular activities, you will need to do it, if not for you, for those who are troubled by your fluctuating emotions. I know for a fact doing these things has helped me and others that I know. I am a strong advocate for doing less to alleviate stress.

1. Walk more--no matter your size.
2. Watch your portion sizes and eat healthy meals. Look up some recipe ideas.
3. Stretch especially after a meal.
4. Listen to calming music.
5. Create a schedule for yourself that includes time away from partner and children.
6. Meditate about positive and inspiring things.
7. Pray and get in touch with your Creator. Ask Him to show you things about yourself and provide healing for your troubled soul.

As mothers, we can easily fall into the trap of "I care" to the point that you are acting ugly toward others. Some moms are competitive about there so called, "I care" statements. Witnesses usually see selfishness and greed show up with many of these women. It isn't that they care so much, but they have a drive to be on top of everything and everyone. They eventually burn out or worse end up in hospitals like what I saw in my dream. Here we were an older and younger woman, both attractive, and attempting to smile through our pain and neither of us would dare share what our weaknesses were with the other. We were waiting for the doctors to fix us.

Something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books, maintains useful blogs, and has been inspiring people on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 since 2008.

Sunday

Sometimes what is keeping so many mothers from accomplishing their dreams is where they live. They can't seem to move out of their cities because parents, grandparents, in-laws and others are telling them not to go. Since having children, not only do most mothers sacrifice personal goals, but they also find themselves trying to appease their kin for the sake of giving children a chance to bond with loved ones. However, what if the "others" are the cause as to why you made some decisions that are not leading you toward happiness but depression? And what if these "others" are keeping things stirring up in your current relationship? Then what? Do what you most desire!

One of the best thngs I did in my life was go where I knew spiritually, mentally and physically peace was for me. The children were still going to grow, thrive and build relationships of their own no matter their age with or without extended kin. Not one time did any of my children say, "I wish I could have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. come see me." Instead, they were fine with telephone conversations, e-mail, and periodic visits. Children know when they are genuinely loved and appreciated and unfortunately older people who are selfish aren't much interested in the youth only what they can do for them.

So live your dreams and don't let people stop you from achieveing them. Your children are not on this planet to feed egos and perform service exclusively for your parents and grandparents and neither are you. Life is too short--enjoy it!

Friday

Fighting for this cause, crying in prayer for peace, wanting all things good for your family, but ignoring your God-given mother's intuition? The husband says, "Don't worry about it." A child cries, "Mom, please..." A grandmother warns, "Are you sure you want to do that?" Deep within you know you should be doing something else about a situation, but you don't. Think of all the mothers who lost children, because they didn't listen to inner wisdom and let others drown "the voice" out.

"I wish I never did that to my children...I really wanted to protect them, but I didn't...If I hadn't...Maybe this wouldn't have happened," these mothers who say statements like this sometimes cry for years behind closed doors. But what they aren't telling you is there were signs, but the grief caused them to forget. Leading up to events, there was a knowing that something wasn't right and they failed to act. So they go to God for peace of mind and being that He is a merciful and righteous God, they are still living and doing what they can to help others--at least those who still have their minds intact.

Now back to you, you have a "gut feeling," "something said," "God," "guide," "I"--whatever you want to call it that alerts you to danger when you are in tuned to it. So when it comes to children, think twice, three times, and more before you drop them off with someone, walk or drive somewhere, and most of all co-sign on what they want. Maybe you won't be their favorite person, but who cares, your role is "Mother." Protect your children.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books. Feel controlled by your own mother, manipulated to get your children to go along to get along, controlled by relatives...? Download a sample of the book today! Be blessed.

Tuesday

A mother rushes to the aid of a child who visibly appears to be okay. There is no crying and no bumps, cuts, and bruises. Another mother is overly emotional due to things beyond her control like a husband's layoff, a relative's divorce, and a drunken relative who refuses to get help. Mothers everywhere are more likely to react to these situations and others, but just because responses are typical, doesn't mean we have to perform.

Maybe it seems like the right thing to do to pick up the phone and talk with judgmental, often angry kin, walk somewhere because it is routine, or help a stranger in need, but we must keep in mind that sometimes what it appears to be just another day, might not be. Your typical response to people and things may need an adjustment for a day or a lifetime it all depends on the who or what in different situations. So if I am use to going down the street and having a beverage with a girlfriend, but I just feel different about it right now, chances are it is a good idea I stay home today. You never know what might be going on or maybe nothing is happening with the girlfriend, but with me. We have to be sensitive to signs that alter or block what we are use to doing or saying.

So many lives have been lost because some moms just didn't think twice before they walked out the door, got in their cars and drove off somewhere. Some could have saved quality friendships had they not started up an unfavorable conversation filled with criticism. Others could have thought twice about dropping emotional children off with people who they knew full well aren't very nice and kind, but they just didn't think!

A gut feeling, quiet voice, or "something said" serves a purpose to alert us to trouble especially when it comes to a routine. Things don't always appear as they seem, but we convince ourselves otherwise because we don't want to be inconvenienced, might be lazy, procrastinate, bitter about some things, still angry with someone, etc.

As much as you might want to force yourself to do something that doesn't seem to be right in your spirit or be with someone you really don't have a good vibe about (at least for today--he or she could okay on most days), resist the urge. Today just might not be the day for small talk, going somewhere, staying late, or dropping children off. Pause and pray.

Tuesday

When it comes to parenting children, dealing with a difficult partner, or weird relatives, why is it that some cowardly women frequently advise "...not to say this and not to do this and you shouldn't..." when loved ones have repeatedly violated your personal boundaries. I say, "Speak up!"

As mothers we can be so laid back, cool, nonchalant at times to the point that if you give anyone in the family or even a friend an inch, you best believe he or she is going to take a mile! From our money to our time, people will take advantage of you because you are a mother if you let them. They do this because they think you are too busy, too emotional, too caring, too involved with your family, career, or too whatever else to put up a fight. I admit I am not that kind of mother add a bad name to my title on a bad day and if I feel threatened, used or abused, I have to call on Jesus because I know my capabilities.

Those who know me well recognize I love the Lord and know I appreciate all He has done for me, but there comes a point that you know when someone or a group is attempting to use you because they know you are a believer and expect you to behave a certain way (like a victim) to benefit them, but not you.

See through the foolishness! Moms everywhere take a stand on what you innately know is righteous and true--those who have a faith know better. You and your family will be blessed whether a wayward spouse, jealous relative, controlling in-law, or others stick around or not!

This weak-minded, brainwashed mentality/system of who and what we are supposed to be was long over for me when I penned "When Mothers Cry." I introduced myself to the online mother scene with that book by validating moms who were often overlooked or dismissed as "crazy" when the going got rough in their lives. How dare a partner, ex, fellow parent, relative, child, or in-law disrespect or underestimate any mother who is doing the best she can to raise, protect, establish a relationship and most of all love her children? Yet, I experienced this and so did people I know. They didn't bad mouth the crack heads, the club-bangers, the women dressed like whores, drunks, etc. but it was challenged mothers for little things they might have overlooked while rushing out the door or too tired to remember. Others said angry, critical words because they didn't understand or bothered to educate themselves on the mental changes a woman goes through after having a baby or babies--she just isn't the same--some men need to get that through their thick heads!

When you see children are out of control irregardless of what a partner thinks or says about you, don't give up stand strong. If you should notice your relatives have far more criticisms than compliments, you can easily shut them out and move on with your life! When you have educators and others giving you a long list of "Please can you do..." you can always say, "No." If you should be called upon to give yet more money and service to a cause, you can say, "I have done enough, ask someone else."

Stop worrying over what this one and that one says, does and thinks, you are a mother and no matter what you have been through, you know your role and you know what you can handle and what you can't. Don't let anyone define it for you! God bless, take away your stress, and worry less!

Thursday

One of your children falling into the trap of substance abuse and addiction is one of the worst things that many mothers could imagine. However, it happens all too often. Why is it that teenagers try and become addicted to drugs? If we are aware of their motivations, we can perhaps help them to resist temptation.

It's AttractiveIllicit substances have a powerful appeal to young people. Alcohol is ubiquitous in the media, and very smoothly marketed. For people who have not yet developed the social-analytical powers needed to resist such advertising, the idea of such things as 'cool' and generally appealing quickly becomes embedded. By the time they get to actually try alcohol, they are more than eager to do so - primed by the media and social conditioning they have experienced.It Lends EscapeEveryone goes through a degree of self-exploration during their adolescence. However, for some this is more bewildering than others. Drugs and alcohol provide an escape from the turbulence of puberty which proves perilously attractive for some.

It Lends ConfidenceTeens who lack self-confidence may use alcohol or drugs as a way to become the confident, noticeable person that they want to be. High school can be a vicious environment for people stuck within their shell, so anything which helps someone out of that shell is yearned for - no matter how damaging it may ultimately prove.

It's RebelliousPart of the process of becoming your own person involves testing the social boundaries and setting yourself against the authorities which have always ruled you. Drugs and alcohol are often seen as a great way of gaining this rebellious control.

Emotion ManagementMany teens are stressed and depressed. Alcohol and drugs provide temporary relief from this, which may motivate anxious teens to try them.For more on this,see this article.

Saturday

Homicide is the second leading cause of death for pregnant women; the first is car accidents.

On average, 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States. Over the course of a year, that equals more than 10 million women and men.

These statistics and more are what has been reported by the Center for Disease Control. The fact is many people are in violent relationships where things like: hitting, kicking, tripping, slapping, spitting, pushing, and more go on between adults when they are angry and this sort of behavior is accepted. What's worse, these issues increase when a woman becomes pregnant, miscarries or has some other health issues. Also, keep in mind that some pregnant women still drink alcohol, smoke and use drugs. See here for facts.

Some couples, who have not experienced such things in their relationship, would consider abusive situations, "crazy," child's play, immature, ignorant, silly, and strange. However, the mentally unstable are among us from the pregnant woman whose hormones are out of control to the man who lost his mind when he found out his job is no more, there is a baby on the way, and he has little or no savings. So what do you think might happen between the already stressed out pair? Emotional turmoil and war about any and everything. The expectant dad doesn't understand why his pregnant partner is snappy, often complaining, experiencing crying spells, irritable, and impatient. He yells, curses, or assumes she is trying to get his attention. All of these things are a part of pregnancy. We lose sight of the fact that what appears to be so common and routine for so many women is emotionally and physically challenging to all from at home to the workplace. Bringing another human being in this world is not only a life altering experience but a traumatic one and a woman never returns to that person she was before having children. Men who are wishful for the good old days, need to face this fact and neither are they the same once they become dads. Treating a woman like a child, threatening violence because one can't understand why she acts so strangely, or doing other things to gain power and control over a hormonal woman solves nothing! If anything, the poor baby she is carrying might be negatively impacted in some way and worse some pregnant women will retaliate putting their babies at risk of being injured.

Out of all of the statistics I read about domestic and dating violence, the one above about pregnant women dying as a result of homicides struck me the most. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, viewed media or had a discussion about a pregnant woman complaining or even fighting her trouble-making or uncaring boyfriend or husband. He knows full well she isn't altogether in her mind, yet he continues to treat her like she should continue to treat him like she always had, care for the children, work long hours, etc. He expects his partner to perform for him (pregnant and all) without missing a beat.

Being with a cold man, controlling, or mean-spirited can wreck havoc on a relationship and cause major upset. A troubled pregnant woman can also cause much strife in the household. Someone in the household must keep it together for the sake of the family. The homicide fact proves a person reached his or her breaking point with a pregnant woman or vice versa. Verbal and physical abuse does nothing more than keep couples at war with one another. Imagine the poor baby arriving sad, nervous, and upset because of his or her unhappy parents. No wonder some children are not as calm as others, consider the environments they are born into and the people who govern them.

Once a man hears he is expecting a baby, there should be a nurse or doctor encouraging the couple to attend counseling sessions that specifically deal with mental health issues that might arise not just classes about baby development and deep breathing exercises. There is plenty of health information provided about what happens monthly and after delivery (which I doubt some men even bother to read--I personally know some who didn't). But not enough is being done when it comes to preparing men for possible mental breakdowns with themselves and their partners, explosive temperaments, depression, babies that cry much, various bodily pain, and more. We all know that bringing babies into the world is a blessing, but more awareness is needed when it comes to mental health challenges. Having a family is not only a blessing, but one of the most challenging things one can ever do in his or her lifetime and when a person is already unstable, unhappy, uncaring, and more, it only makes matters worse.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, mothers and fathers do get the book if you are expecting and those who know someone who doesn't have a clue about motherhood, please send them my book. I wrote it when I had my newborn, toddler, tween and almost a teen staying with my husband and I--talk about stress! God bless.

Friday

Mental illness is prevalent in many families and sometimes relatives dismiss offensive or strange behaviors of those who are favorite family members just because "That's your grandmother...My parents are great! I love my Daddy...My uncle wouldn't hurt a flea. My cousins are wild, but they're okay." Are you sure about that? Protect yourself and children. Don't believe everything you here. If you are spiritual, you know some families are cursed. Nicholl shares thoughts here.

Thursday

Since August 2014, I've had a chance to catch up with personal projects, seek new ways to make money on the Internet, participate in school related activities, and more.

Back in '14, I was providing temporary administrative support to a local government agency. Since then, I have continued with my part-time business, full-time working from home. I provide a number of virtual assistance services. There are perks at home like there are outside of it, but both are challenging at times.

I thought I might share some of my personal findings with my dedicated readers (some since 2007--wow!) Hopefully, this list will help someone who might be interested in doing additional tasks (that aren't stressful) for pay. See below. (Also, don't forget to scroll to the right of this screen to a clickable link about work at home jobs--that aren't so easy and fun, but they get some bills paid):

Wednesday

I'm always looking for additional ways to get paid doing things online. We parents give up a lot for children and so when there is a little downtime, why not spend it watching videos, taking surveys and doing other relaxing things while making a little extra money? Websites worth checking out...

Monday

I watched a woman tell everything but the truth in a video one day when it came to her health woes. She talked of times she wanted to kill herself and other deeply troubling things, but what she didn't reference were those moments where she quite honestly didn't like or want to be around her family and friends. The interviewer waited for the poor woman to say more since it was obvious she wanted to "go there," but she didn't. It could have been a pivotal moment, but it was lost. She could have told her truth and then shared with mothers how she overcame her dark feelings. Instead, the pain was the focal point and then on to another topic of conversation.

For many mothers, they have been "there." Conversing with someone about everything that is wrong with them, some moms avoided talking about difficult partners, rebellious children, stressful jobs, and irritating friends. "I feel...I did....I have...I worry..." but never do you hear things like: "I was beyond my wits end when my children did...I could have hurt my husband about...I knew my mother-in-law was so wrong when she said...I really wish that they had never did...it made me feel like..."

I personally think that our world has us fearful of saying anything that sounds even a little bit like blame. Something could have happened to you when you were three years old, but you don't hold parents accountable because you don't want to "blame" anyone. You might have been in your 20s or 30s when repressed memories came back to teach you, yet you refrain from telling motivational stories to others in the way they really happened, because you don't want to "blame" someone or a group. Instead, what happens is you or someone you might know prefers to carry burdens. There is no release. Everything is about "I" but never about "He or She."

A mother with much going on in her life isn't always going to like her family and friends. Even if she never breathes one negative word about them, you can hear her frustration in the tone of her voice when speaking to them, see eye rolls and hear deep sighs when you mention them. It is obvious she isn't happy especially when she goes from being a size 8 to a size 20 in less than two years. The mother might blame this or that on poor eating and not exercising, but the underlying issues/root causes she doesn't want to explore.

"We are fine, honestly. I just get mad sometimes. I really don't think it is a big deal. I stress. It's my issue. I can't blame my family..." the mother attempts to digress. But what if they are the source of all the drama? "No, it's me," she insists. Maybe for some women they are the problem in their families, but there are countless women who want nothing but the best for their spouses and children and they honestly aren't the ones flipping tables, yelling, bad-mouthing, acting crazy, or shopping like a maniac. Yet, if one is living in dysfunction long enough with troublesome family members and conversing with toxic friends, she will act as if she is at fault since she permits her inner circle to control her.

There are just some people and things in this world you just can't manage--even if they came from your body. It is okay to say, "I don't like the person who keeps causing friction...I really don't like talking to my negative girlfriend...I don't like her personality...I don't like my spoiled kids...I really don't like my spouse today." Rather than deny, avoid or misdirect your pain just admit it and then think of those things you do like about the people in your life. If you can't at this time, maybe there are some serious changes that need to be made within your power. Think about what would make you most happy.

You know what you can and cannot tolerate when it comes to stress, but sometimes you forget and end up doing and saying some things you really shouldn't. So when you are aware that you feel like your head is about to explode and people, places and things are irritating you, why put yourself in settings and volunteer to do more things that are only going to worsen your condition? What might you be guilty of doing now that could possibly be aiding your headaches and keeping your nerves on edge?

1. Taking on more responsibilities outside the home.

When someone or something beckons your attention, know whether or not it is necessary to address the need right then and there, most often it is not. But pushy people will make you feel like you need to do everything right now.

2. Shopping with children when you don't really have to.

Is it necessary to bring children along when you shop? Sending someone who is already going to the store or out and about to get a few things for you is so much easier than packing everyone up and hauling them out. Besides, you know you will end up spending more money than you want toting the team around. "I'm hungry...Could we stop there? Mom, I want that...Mom, he's bothering me!" You know how the children can be sometimes.

3. Helping a partner with his or her tasks when you know you can't or just don't want to.

You are still a good wife/girlfriend even when you say, "No, honey. I really can't help right now. I just don't feel well...I need to unwind. I have too much on my mind right now." Then go be alone for awhile.

4. Staying on the phone or Internet for hours at a time listening or reading about someone else's troubles.

It isn't any wonder you are on edge? Throw in the issues at work and you just might explode on someone. Best to chill out.

5. Discussing your problems with those who can't help you in the least.

Can loved ones and friends really help relieve your stress? If you believe they can, then why not take them up on their offers of "If you need anything..." Tell them what you need.

You have different rooms in your residence for good reason, use one and give yourself a time out. You have shut off buttons on electronic devices, use them. You have one mouth and two ears, do more listening (like sitting still and listening to your Maker) and less talking. Find ways to alleviate your stress in the future if it means delegating more responsibilities at work (like take a day off) and home (like ridding yourself of unnecessary things that no longer solve problems). Also, think about cutting back from civic group involvement. Further, tell your children that you can't keep running to every game, performance, etc. If they are getting to be too much, consider canceling the activities. Enlist the help of others who can come out and show their support if this isn't an option for you.

Far too many women run themselves ragged trying to be everything to everyone and unfortunately they end up not being the nicest people to be around. Partners talk of divorce, children bad mouth their mothers, and others become distant. Monitor your stress levels and know when to pull back a bit from life.

Tuesday

She believes she is doing a service to humanity by buying things for all, working long hours, organizing home, planning special events, volunteering cooking almost daily, helping in-laws, and babysitting her mate's children and possibly grandchildren. Look it isn't a bird or a plane...it's Superhero Mom who thinks she can leap over tall buildings in a single bound!

As much as some believe that they can do all things and that nothing is lacking, needing attention, or minor improvements, the truth is the more a mom adds to an already full schedule the likelihood that she fails at something increases. For example, more focus on parenting and less on activities will help quell angry outbursts from tweens and teens.

From being tardy to most appointments to forgetting to do essential things, Mother's excuses begin to fall on deaf ears and in time she is viewed as Super Trouble. People don't want to spend much time with a stressed mother, in-law or stepmother who is overwhelmed with activities and responsibilities. They distance themselves when she is often tired and saying things she has no business. They begin to lose faith and trust in her. Is it really necessary to fill one's day with so much to the point that children's health care needs are overlooked, a husband can't get a decent meal, and a household is often left in disarray?

Children usually are talked into or forced to participate in extracurricular activities by adults, but typically they aren't much interested as we would like to think if you were to overhear their conversations or read their messages online about what their parents want them to do; rather than what they truly enjoy. They are persuaded to get pets and told to attend special events because friends will be there. They are lured into volunteering for projects and fundraisers with a promise of a cool reward if they do well. Some mothers operate just like children, "Okay, I'll do it...Will I get that freebie, my name on a plaque, a cool toy, a pat on my back from my husband and children...? Sure, mark my name down."

Running around like chickens with their heads cut off, many of these busy mothers aren't sincerely engaging with anyone. It is more about recruitment, networking, being a busybody, etc. They look through you, over you or around you when they talk. They aren't truly listening before advising. Their minds are racing and so are their hearts. In time, someone is lying on her back taking selfies on her phone asking her social network, "Please pray for me."

Now I don't mean to sound cold, but what I am about to say is convicting and may irritate a few moms, but the truth is when the writing is on the wall for you to slow down, just take a look in the mirror at yourself and do it! Offensive things that you wouldn't ordinarily say or do slip out when you are doing too much. Your body weight increases because you aren't watching portion sizes, exercising, eating at consistent times, and popping unhealthy things in your mouth like you are a teenager again. "I'm okay," they say. There are those moms who are starving themselves to death. You can see the veins protrude out of their necks and their legs look weak as if they can barely keep their bodies up. "Well, I'm healthy," the mom says defensively often in a rush. Meanwhile, her friend cries out, "I'm fine too" while she eats everything she shouldn't before noon. Tell that to the steadily widening face, arms, ankles, thighs, and more she likes to sit down and rest on for hours. Explain these things to one's lungs who are trying to fill with air while they carry far too much weight than they can handle, or the excuses a skinny woman makes who often complains about being so weak and cold. Your body is talking, but are you listening? Most likely not--no more than you did when a parent wanted to share a story with you while you ignored her and watched your child performing.

I think of some deceased, conceited mothers who thought that they were so special, very important and needed to be honored because they just had so much going on and did so much for everyone, but notice I said they are deceased and as I indicated in my book, When Mothers Cry, years ago, most of their partners have outlived them. Something to think about.

Is it really necessary to have weekly, monthly or annual events and then cry broke afterward or curse others because they don't have the time or energy to dedicate to one's grandiose ideas? Do you really need to buy gifts for your family, the teacher, the preacher, etc. every single holiday and then fuss with your husband and others about finances yet again? Does one's child have to be a part of every activity that comes up? Do you have to participate in every civic group event dragging your family along even when they don't want to go, then on the way back to the car (after the service) you act ugly toward them? Are you really making life worth living when you are often stressed, and dare I say it, controlling around your family?

For some mothers, in-laws and stepmothers, the truth is some of your kinfolk is sick of you and you probably heard it through the grapevine. They talk badly about you, because you have spent years boasting, exaggerating, talking too much about you and your family, money, new purchases, investments, etc. They don't like you very much, not because they are haters, but because you have showed them far too often your tired, emotional, angry, and/or impatient dark side by making flippant comments and displaying a prideful posture around them. Pride isn't cute, cursing to people's faces or behind their backs or giving people intimidating stares isn't kind either. Watch what you are teaching children, Mothers! People get tired of the foolishness!

So prepare yourself mentally and get your adequate rest because you are going to do what you always want to do anyway and then end up crying about all that you do later, argue with your spouse and do other mean-spirited things while your family just eye rolls, pouts and deep sighs once again.

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About Me

Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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