Ever wonder what it would've been like if Dr. Seuss wrote for Murder, She Wrote? Well, here's your chance to find out! I hope this tickles you as much as it did me - I had an absolute blast writing it! My thanks goes out to the incomparable Dr. Seuss for inspiring me to put a little rhyme in my heart and for reminding all of us that you are never too old to be silly.

I'm writing my newest bookCaught In The Act.It's not going too well,And that is a fact.

Should the murder take placeBy day or by night?Should the cook be the killer?Or maybe, not quite?

I still need the right weaponTo fit to the crime.And what of the motive?The reason and rhyme?And the characters' names?And the date and the time?It's a pain in the neckTrying to meet my deadlines!

I'm just hammering keysWith a click and a clackWhen Mort Metzger bursts inThrough the door in the back.

"A dead body washed upOn the beach late last night.God knows we can't do thisWithout your insight,So come along with usAnd make this all right!"

"Now, Mort, that's just silly!You're going to be fine!I have to work like a horseTo meet my deadline."

But he motions me up,And I march to the door.My innate curiosity'sWon over once more.

"Let's get down to the beachAnd examine this death.We've got no time to lose!Move your butt, Mrs. F!"

We arrive at the seashoreAnd what do I see?A young woman's body,My next mystery.

And my dearest friend SethHas already arrivedTo help us determineHow this was contrived.

"How'd she die, Dr. Hazlitt?"Mort calls out to Seth."Have you turned up a weaponAnd right time of death?"

"Hold your horses there, Mort!Ask me one at a time!Why the heck am I talkingIn this blessed rhyme?It looks like she drowned,But look here instead:She suffered blunt traumaSmack dab in the head.She washed up on shoreHere in this very spot,With her watch stoppedAt midnight, right on the dot."

Seth then turns to me."Whatcha think of this, Jess?You have any ideaWho started this mess?"

Erin's distraught,And she faints and I catch her.When she wakes, she asks me,"Can you help, Mrs. Fletcher?It was Shawn, her husband,And I on a boat,And then I saw EvanGrab Shawn by the throat.He accused her of cheatingAnd choked her, you see.Then he threw her corpse overboardFar out to sea.And now he's made offWith her sapphire ring!She'd promised me that!You must solve this whole thing!I just gave you your whyAnd your when and your how!You must stop more murders from happening,Right now!"

I make sure that ErinHas all that she needs,And then turn back to Mort,Who has a new lead.

"We've just picked up a guyWho's all covered in blood.Claims to be Evan Casey.His name will be mud,'Cause the boys hauled him in,Did a search and a frisk,And they found a sapphireThe size of a fist.Real fancy-dancy,A nice piece of bling.And dollars to donutsIt matches Shawn's ring.We've captured our killer.Let's call it a night.Satisfied, Mrs. Fletcher?"I answer, "Not quite.

"If Evan had choked ShawnLike Erin supplied,Marks would have appearedLong after she died,And Seth found no bruisesOr marks of the sort.The killer's still free.Evan's not your man, Mort."

I then ask to see Evan,And Mort takes me inTo Evan's jail cell,Where he sits, looking grim.I say to him, "Evan,Did you kill your wife?"His response is, "No, Jessica!Not on your life!Shawn and I were in bedWhen the cabin door creaked.I went to investigateAnd somebody sneakedUp behind me and knocked out my lights.When I woke, Shawn was gone.I remembered our fight."

"You didn't choke herDuring your little spat?"Evan frowns at me. "No!What maroon told you that?She cheated at poker to beat all the band.I saw that she had extra cards in her hand.She sent all my pocket change running for cover,But it sure as heck wasn't worth choking her over!Who told you I killed her?Who had all that gall?"I reply, "It was Erin,Your sister-in-law."

Evan shouts, "Erin Whitney?You're out of your mind!Shawn and I haven't seen herFor such a long time.The girl is a stalker!She kept following me'Cause she couldn't acceptIt was over, you see.She and I went out once.For me, that was enough.I said, 'Let's be friends,'But she was in love.She waited outsideFor me just to come home.She called and she called,Couldn't leave me alone.Then when I married Shawn,She went over the edge.She swore then and thereThat she'd get her revenge.Erin's your killer.You've gotta go catch her!I'm counting on you,Mrs. Jessica Fletcher!"

With this new information,I head for my house.It's quiet – no sound,No proverbial mouse.

I need a hot bathTo relax and unwind,But a dozen new theoriesPop up in my mind.

We have two major suspectsWho pin the whole crimeOn each other. The question is,Who'll do the time?

There's no obvious answer,And there is the rub,I think to myselfAs I soak in the tub.Just like always,I'll have to rely on my wits.And no, I don't like this,Not one little bit.

Next morning, Mort callsDuring breakfast with Seth."I've got a big breakIn this case, Mrs. F.The jewelry shop called.They want us to seeAn order for someoneInitialed E.C."

So it's off to the jeweler'sFor Seth and for me,And I wonder what this clueCould possibly be.And what greets us thereBut a wonderful thing!It's a five-carat, flawless new sapphire ring!

"But why a new ring?If he were desperate for cash,He'd have pawned that sapphireAs quick as a flash."So I turn to the clerk."Who ordered the ring?"He replies, "A young lady,A pretty young thing.Said she'd lost her engagement ringAnd this one was forHer husband, to tell her he loved her once more."

And then a big smileLights up my whole face.I thank him profusely,Then back home I race.I make a quick phone callAnd stay upon task.It's high time the killerWas finally unmasked.

It's nighttime when ErinWalks through the front door."Mrs. Fletcher?" she asks."What'd you call me here for?"

"I think you know why, Erin.Stop playing games.You killed ShawnAnd let Evan take all the blame."

"That's ridiculous!" she cries."You're imagining things!""I don't think so.What gave you away were the rings.

"You killed Shawn becauseShe took Evan from you.But that wasn't enough,So you took the ring too,Stole the sapphire to make a new ring.And why would you do this?Just one little thing.You thought that Shawn's ringShould have been meant for you.You want Evan still.Am I right? Is it true?"

Erin shakes her head no."No, of course it's not true!Your imagination's gettingThe better of you.The order was for someone titled E.C.And I am E.W. – Erin Whitney."

"That's true, but you're hoping you won't be for long.You had this whole murder planned out all along.E.C. meant Erin Casey, did it not?Taking Evan's last name was just part of your plot.You snuck out to the boat,Knocked Evan out cold,And murdered your sisterWith a metal boat pole.How did I know that?Well, it's easy to say.They found it washed up on the beach just today."

Some regret that their actions took such a foul course,But Erin stood rigid, no trace of remorse."All right, I confess. I killed Shawn. You got me.I smashed in her head, threw her corpse out to sea.She stole Evan from me! That ring should've been mine!She took my life away; I returned her in kind."

I was shocked at her bluntness.She just didn't care.And she looked up and gave meThe filthiest glare.

"The whole plan would've workedIf it weren't for you.You had to horn inLike you constantly do.You're too nosy to live.I don't need you about!"Then she reached in her pocketAnd pulled a gun out.

"Hold it right there!"Mort's voice rang out clear."Put down the weaponAnd step over here.We heard the whole thing,And you're under arrestFor Shawn Casey's murder.Thanks a lot, Mrs. F."

Well, after that, things became normal again –Normal, that is, for our corner of Maine.Evan was cleared of all ties to the crimeAnd thanked all of us for devoting the timeTo making sure justice was served and was swift,And the darling boy gave me a wonderful gift."Shawn's sapphire ring! But I don't deserve this!""Yes, you do," Evan said as he gave me a kiss."Shawn would want you to have it.""What a lovely surprise!""And besides, Jess, it matches your pretty blue eyes."I shoot Seth a glare, but start laughing instead.With friends such as these, I have nothing to dread.Now it's back to the house to hang up my trench coatAnd get back to the murder, the murder I wrote!

The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted.