‘Prisons are holiday camps unless I’m in one’

I’m trying really hard not to write about tiny Tommy ‘ten names’ Robinson, after all, the cunt is already getting more exposure than Donald Trump watching a fucking solar eclipse.

Yet here we are, like Nigel Farage blaming Polish people for all of life’s ills, I just can’t help myself.

After his release from prison a couple of days ago, the modern day Mandela pigeon chested his way past the waiting lugenpresse, only to declare that they all lie.

All with the exception of one outlet obviously, yes, Trump’s personal mouth piece and cathedral of truth, Fox News, secured an interview with the infamous mosque botherer.

In it he bemoaned the hellish conditions he was forced to endure, comparing his time inside to Guantanamo Bay, where he survived on Christian Bale’s diet of tinned tuna and fruit for his role in the film ‘The Machinist’.

The prison service refutes his claims of being in solitary confinement and being treated differently from the other prisoners of course, having access to showers, games consoles and visits etc, but it’s all a massive conspiracy innit.

We’re well known in the UK for our savage mistreatment of prisoners in an unregulated and failing system. It’s just like Columbia but with spice.

It’s a crying shame that Tommy Robinson isn’t a Muslim, that way he could have enjoyed the luxaries of er…showers, games consoles and visits during his brief stay at Her Majesty’s Pleasure.

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