Some knew me as Half-Bengali Half-Russian model Liliana Alam. Others knew me as multi-talent genius TheAnomalyInfinite.Others as silly Lili.I've done many things and known many lives,all irrelevant.What am I really?That's an answer best left to time.Because "What are you when you devote yourself completely to an ideal?....You become something else entirely.... And what is that?
****LEGEND****"

ME-1st Slideshow and MY ARTWORKS-2cd/bottom Slideshow

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Thursday, August 05, 2010

Mind Matters

The current state of my physicality is a very new development of my training, but people have been asking how I am able to run for an hour straight without pause, and recently-swim for 5 hours non-stop.

It is a big sign of fucked-up ness on this planet that the Length of Time of these activities is paid so much attention, but to shed some light:

The answer to this question is very simple: because I just DO it.

People like to throw the excuse, "well that's easy for you to say." when I say that your body is a tool, and that you control it. they say that because I'm (what society terms as) "good looking", "intelligent", and "determined" that it's somehow EASY for me. Uh, no it's not. Particularly because all of those external illusory definitions don't describe me in the slightest.

EASY? It's Everything, But easy.

I've been thru a fucking HELLSTORM this past year, and I'm pulling myself out of it slowly with every passing day. Nothing has been "easy" about my process. it has been Fun, but not "easy". Yes, there is a difference. Add a whole list of mental "disorders" (clinically diagnosed with everything from bipolar to schizophrenia) to the list and I'd have enough excuses to sit in a little room for the rest of my life.

That's big picture. But let me get back down to a little detail-the topic of "physicality", which is such a puny detail of the human vessel but something that fascinates billions. And specifically, let me get back to this Appearance issue, and the Physicality aspect.

Firstly, what the fuck is "good looking"?

>

HAHAAHAHAHHHAAHHAHAAAAA

as some examples for you of just how not easy it is, here is me as a kid, and me as an "adult". as you can clearly see, NOT A NATURAL BORN ATHLETE OR what society would consider "GOOD LOOKING".

-that's my dad on the left and my mom on the right and me in the middle with glasses.

-me with close family friends

I do have genetic advantages (being mixed and the genetic characteristics of my highly developed and well-rounded parents means I automatically have the best of many cultural traits-natural evolution of nature), but I was NOT a natural born athlete despite all that. Particularly when it comes to stamina and longevity in any physical activity. I was a TOTAL uncoordinated dork when I was a kid, last to get picked for gym, nerd, geek, freak, loner, etc. blah blah. You know who else was? this guy:

Everything I've attained has been a matter of mind, not a matter of genes. I have created the me that I wanted to be. And that's a continual state of progression towards being the me that I have yet to be. If there's anything about me that you like or think you can't do, e.g :dance, sing, draw, write, blah blah blah, that's bullshit. Whatever I've done with myself you are fully capable of doing because the ONLY thing that's made it possible to do is BELIEVING THAT I COULD. That's it. It was a conscious, active effort, it did NOT happen "by accident". I'm not speaking for any figure throughout history directly nor comparing myself to anyone (I am ME, they are THEM), but I'm pretty damn sure everyone who's done anything would say something pretty similar.

David Beckham as a kid:

a a world phenomenon:

Appearance.

Such a Small part of what is a human being, but something the entire planet pays attention to. Do you really think that how Beckham LOOKS, has Anything to do with what he's physically able to do with his body?

"Do you think my Speed, has anything to do with my Muscles, in This Place?"-Morpheus, The Matrix

Beckham's not a fantastic example of ability though, as his great "mastery" is in learning how to kick a ball, "curved" on a green field. wow. very special.this world has definitely improved from all of those balls being kicked on fields.

But I digress.

I don't give a shit if this is hard for you to swallow but your Age, Race, Sex, Circumstance, Genetics, Weight, Body Type is a piss-ass excuse and has absolutely ZERO to do with your potential to bend your body to your will. I say this knowing where you're coming from because I once rode on some of those same excuses, and if I can overcome the over the top self-pity of my whiny ego, anyone fucking can. Yes, that means YOU. You don't need a coach, a trainer, a religion, a gym membership, a support group, weight watchers, jenny craig, diet pills, a nutritionist, a shaman or any other type of "life-saver". All you need is YOU. YOU are your own life-saver, and everything that's been crammed in your brain to tell you otherwise is BULLSHIT.

I will outline some steps here from my self-observations.

1. physical progression must be delved into for the joy of the process, not for the goal at the end. if you set out to do something "because", >it'll make you lose weight, it'll give you a six pack, it'll get you more chicks/guys, it'll give you more success, it'll better your career, it'll make people like you, it'll improve your self-image, etc., you will likely fail. I say likely because there are many robots on the planet who are successful with these methods-in terms of gaining physical results. but the physical results are temporary and what you see in the mirror is bullshit. it's like cramming a bunch of information into your head the night before a test-just to pass. the minute the test is over, you forget everything. if you really want long-term results, forget about "acing" the test and focus on Learning. (which btw outlines the major error with the educational system of today). take your ego out of the equation and make physical progression a spiritual experience. if you set out to lose x amount of weight in x amount of time and look like x figure, you are setting yourself up for a shitload of disappointment and unnecessary stress. it's an age-old saying that if you keep looking at a kettle on the stove waiting for it to boil, it feels like it takes forever. it is only when you take your focus off of it that it somehow "magically" boils.

2. When I do anything physical these days, it is NEVER to achieve a goal. If I catch myself thinking the thought of "dammit I don't want to be fat, I have to go work out", I slap myself.

"you're better if you're thinner" is the dumbass societal propoganda that is thrown at you from everywhere.

Fat. Skinny. Fit. Out of Shape. These definitions are societal and have zero to do with what you actually are. If you ascribe to doing something to meet these labels, that is all you will ever be-a label.

When I set out to do something physical, it is to gain a better understanding of myself and what my power as an individual is. It is about testing just how far I can go and genuinely getting a kick out of it. If I am not having FUN with a physical activity-I stop it immediately. I do NOT "work out". and I do not "work hard".

"but physical work is painful!". only if you focus on the Pain. ever notice how the look on someone's face when they orgasm is the exact same look that they have when they're in "pain"? "but sex feels good!". so does physical exertion of any sort, when your Mind, is the one that's playing with your body. it's not a matter of being Mary Poppins and singing "a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down". That's deluded. The Mary Poppins principle is when you see people at Gyms, or even worse, running in Nature, WITH FUCKING CELL PHONES. Wow. Let's distract the mind as much as possible whilst it is working, so that we can ignore what's actually happening to ourselves. This is goal-attaining behaviour (e.g oh I just Gotta get in my 10 minutes of Walking time for the day!, I just Gotta lose this weight in time for Phyllis's wedding!, I just Gotta get this six pack so hot Abby will notice me!).

When you set out to Do anything, if you are not doing it because you're excited to do the actual thing you're doing, don't do it! Period!

3. being "healthy" has nothing to do with it.Another one of the brainwashing doldroms being flushed out amongst humans. First let's cover-What the fuck is "being healthy"???

Health has NOTHING to do with APPEARANCE. Health also has NOTHING to do with PHYSICAL MEASUREMENTS.

There's a whole population of "healthy" people living in Colorado who if you asked them to go survive in the wilderness with nothing but their naked selves for a week who'd go running to a hotel in a day. A "Healthy" Human Being should be able to do that!!!

It is the human being's natural purpose to Move. to React. to be ready for anything at anytime and handle it. Being able to run for 30 minutes on your treadmill does not mean you are healthy!!!

Health is a union of the mind, body, spirit and heart.

It is a state of zen, not chaos. It is the body responding to what you tell it, it is using every muscle for it's purpose, it is harnessing your own energy to give you pleasure. It is using your body as a tool for your mind. It is you operating your self, as if you are driving a car. The difference is that a car is an external machine, and you are an internal machine.

If you want to "work out" every day in an attempt to "be healthy", your goal and your method is twisted. Health is not some to-do check off list and it is not achievable thru side-stepping.

You must feel a genuine curiosity and joy in exploring just what this body of yours is capable of. It is your inner self being Expressed, Thru your physical actions. "I wonder how far I can run" vs. "if I run x amount of miles, I will achieve my target for the day."

When you set the limits of "health" upon yourself, you'll be a living hipocracy. Millions do it. Go to the gym every day from 5 to 6, after "Work" which is KILLING the mind, and then they kill it some more by being in an artificially lighted prison, texting on their blackberries and iphones whilst getting the body to "work" yet again. And that is what society deems "Healthy".

When the body operates at optimum level, -meaning the level that it's Born and Made to be at-, it Does Not Work. Ever. It has fun, the mind has fun, because it's doing what it's created for.

Every "Rocky" type film of the years has made it some great feat of mankind that the more you "suffer" physical stress, the "tougher" you are.

well if that's the case, you might as well get a case of nails and hammer them into your hand.

oh wait.

this guy already did that:

If you are not having fun, and fun is when you are free of any weighty type nagging feelings, you are not properly exerting your body. You're "working" it. But that type of "work" usually doesn't involve the mind. The mind shuts off. Why? because the human being is an organism that Seeks pleasure. It Wants pleasure. It doesn't want pain! It doesn't want to suffer!

"pain equals beauty".

No it doesn't.

5. Where and When you exert yourself is just as important as What you do.

The body in it's natural state wants to be physically moving. It gets fulfillment, out of movement. But how you move it, in what way, what speed, what hour, is in understanding what your internal self wants to get out. It is inter-connected, and never should be separated. If you "feel" like for example dancing, then Dance. if you "feel" like running, then Run. Your inner self knows why it wants what it wants, specifically when it wants what it wants. Listening to it is what you must do. Problem is the way most societies are set up is to Ignore those inner wants, and instead create some artificial structure that is totally going Against what you naturally gravitate towards. e.g Humans were not made to prance around in gyms and lift metallic weights in order to build their muscle mass. They also were not made to do "repetitions" of specific exercises monotonously, at the same time every day. Muscles will never build or grow to their full potential unless they're constantly being challenged and stimulated. There is no fucking stimulation in a gym-everything is done for you, what's the Challenge???

Run in the woods, feel the various sticks, rocks, under your feet. See the sky, breathe the air. Just That, by itself, already challenges your senses and your body because there is Nothing in nature that is ever stagnant. Everything is Constantly moving, changing, shifting.

Do not engage in any type of physical exertion in enclosed structures. Go OUTSIDE. The closer you can get to non-civilized nature, the better. Doesn't matter what it is: running, swimming, jumping, dancing, stretching, whatever, do it in nature.

6. You must never engage in an activity which bores you.

Why are so many people "bored" on this planet? Because everything has been made so easy and unchallenging.

Societal structure has turned most human beings into robots that are unconscious. They're drifting around as if in slumber, unable to respond or react properly to anything.

That's not how human beings were designed. You were not given the senses of touch, sight, sound, smell, taste, and extra-sensory perception so that you can experience the same damn thing over and over again. Your Self Aches to experience New experiences, All the time! It actively Wants to be challenged and stimulated.

You are able to sense when your self has been saturated of a certain activity. Don't force yourself to continue it!!! Switch activities!!!

7. Don't give what you do a name.

Associating a label or value to whatever physical activity you engage in traps your mind into scraping around itself to match that label.

E.g "I am going to run now". Your mind thinks of images of runners, imagines what "running" is, and starts to run on auto-pilot, completely disengaging your mind from what you are doing.

Instead of thinking "I am running", "I am dancing", "I am swimming", drop the thought entirely. Don't Think, Feel. Feel every muscle in your thigh, in your abdominals, in your back, in your arms, listen to which parts feel soft and unused, and push on those parts. Whatever activity you are doing must never be subconscious!! You must always be Alert and Aware of what is going on While you are doing it.

Your body reacts differently to different environments. Simple enough. But this requires conscious awareness of those differences. E.g if you are swimming in a river or a lake, the types of sensations you will feel inwardly to get you to move are different than what you feel if you are standing upright in a forest. Respond to what your senses ache to do.

8. This is Most Important:

When you are physically active, You, are Not, YOU.

You are not a name, a sex, a weight, an image, an anything. You must discard all of these perceptions of yourself because they WILL limit your abilities.

You should never embark on an activity with a pre-conceived notion of what you think you're capable of, what you Should do, or Shouldn't do.

Sometimes closing your eyes while doing something is the best way to reach this state of mind instantly. Because your sense of sight can trick you into thinking that what you see is what has to be always.

This in particular relates to people who are very self-conscious of their figures, weigh a lot, or have been recently injured. If your Eyes see that you are "fat", they will tell your brain, "you are fat. you are unable to move". If your Eyes see that your leg is not operating at full function, they will tell your brain "your leg is broken. do not use it."

You HAVE to be in a state when you are listening to only you, and this simply cannot be done if you are in the presence of anyone else. Energy transfers, and sooner or later, you will both be feeding off each other. Instead of feeding off of yourself.

10. NO DISTRACTIONS!

Largely meaning Electronics. But a distraction can be any number of things. It can be a pressing "appointment" that you have to "get to" by a certain hour, it can be an arguement playing out in your head, it can be another person looking at you-which again is why-#9

Electronics are not evil. Ipods are not evil and music is not evil. These things will not distract you IF you use them Properly. What is proper use?

Let me discuss what is Improper use first.

Improper use is you turning on your mp3 player, fully listening to a song, and doing activity while your mind and senses are fully tuned in to the song (and not what your body is doing).

There is a much greater susceptibility of this happening when you are at a gym, on a treadmill, or in any type of environment where things are made comfortable and easy. That is why #5.

When you are in nature, electronics are a general no-no. Cell phones, personal filing pen pads, ipods, etc. are not the best way to be consciously Aware.

but, they can be useful tools in reaching a unified state of self if they are not the focus-but a condiment. If music helps you connect to your Feelings when you are doing an activity-Use it. But the Feelings, must connect not only to what you are listening to-but what your body is doing. Only if the unison of these two is utilized are you using electronics properly.

A distraction is anything which takes your mind away from what your body is doing, and creates separation within yourself.

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows
You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing.
You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere.

And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile.
You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about.

You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid.
Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen.

Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else

You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood.
Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Admit it, you can seduce practically anyone. And sometimes you try just for fun.
You're a total heartbreaker that knows when to play it cool.
You are the type of person people go completely lovesick over. Just use your powers for good, okay?

You're highly reactive, energetic, and super charged.
If the occasion calls for it, you can go from 0 to 60 in a split second.
But you don't harness your energy unless you truly need to.
And because of this, people are often surprised by what you are capable of.

Why you would be a good superhero: You have the stamina to fight enemies for days

Your biggest problem as a superhero: As with your normal life, people would continue to underestimate you

Your sexual power is obvious - you don't do anything to hide your sexuality.
In fact, if there's such a thing as a person with too much sexual power, it's you.

Your life and thoughts are dominated by sex. And while it's good to be sexually liberated, you're starting to have a one track mind.
You don't always have to use your sexual power. There's more to human interaction than getting naked!

There's hardly a person on this earth more real than you are.
You have no problem showing people who you are, flaws and all.
For you, there couldn't be any other way. Because it's way too stressful to live an inauthentic life.
You're very comfortable with yourself. And because of this, you're able to live an exciting, interesting, and challenging life.

Why? You like your guys manly - and in control
Not to mean controlling, but you do like the guy to take the lead
A Fire Sign man will take you by the hand and show you the world
Just make sure you're bold too - because this guy likes a challenge!

Hahahah. that's what Every quiz says. Cuz I'm a Leo too-fire sign. Well I'm with a Scorpio (the most fuckin' complicated and mysterious one there is!!!!! geezus)-and it works GREAT. But yea...I do like men who are challenges.

You Are Most Like Samantha!

For you, dating is the ultimate sport
You're into guys with power, looks, or a lot of money.
You rather have a great two weeks than a great forever.
But even you fall victim to love from time to time. :-)

Almost every guy that crosses your path ends up a little worse for the wear.
You see men as your playthings - and your motto is "So many men, so little time."
And while you're having fun, everyone is a little scared of you.
Your girlfriends are leery of your man-eating ways. And most men find you downright freaky.

When you were a kid, people often remarked on how mature you seemed. You acted quite adult.
You excelled at school, and you actually enjoyed it to a large extent. No one had to ask you to do your homework.

As a kid, you were probably a bit picky. You liked structure, schedules, and organization.
You had trouble being friends with regular kids. You probably were only friends with other serious children.

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman.
And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem.
Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy.
You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You say whatever is on your mind. Other people's reactions don't phase you.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.