What Happened?

The Memphis Grizzlies are bringing in the man who is currently destroying the New York Knicks cap room after the Knicks were forced to waive him and stretch his contract out. He is joining a Memphis team that is surprisingly competing at the top of the Western Conference again but now that they’ve signed Noah, that’s probably all going downhill.

A lot of people may exclusively blame Phil Jackson for giving Joakim Noah that massive contract when Noah was aging and his skills were depleting and people will tell me not to blame Noah for securing the bag.

Let me just say, everyone should be millionaires. Everyone get your money.

I don’t hate Joakim Noah for getting paid.

I hate Joakim Noah for arriving in New York and deciding ‘I’m done being good at basketball’. The man couldn’t get up and down the floor. It’s like he was running in mud. Joakim Noah couldn’t jump off the ground for rebounds. He lost all athletism and all of his effort was gone as well.

He suffered a shoulder injury. Then he was suspended for failing a drug test. Then he was kicked off the team after trying to fight Jeff Hornacek.

The $6.4M Joakim Noah cap hit via the stretch provision starting in 2019-20 is now the highest cap hit since the provision was implemented with the 2011 CBA. Deron Williams ($5.5M), Josh Smith ($5.4M) and Luol Deng ($5M) round out the top 4.

I swear, if Joakim Noah shows up to Memphis and just suddenly remembers that he won the Defensive Player of the Year, I’m going to burn Tennesee to the ground. If I look on Twitter and see that he’s scored 18 points with 12 rebounds and 3 blocks, I’m going after his knees like Nancy Kerrigan.

But can Joakim Noah actually help the Memphis Grizzlies?

Joakim Noah can help the Grizzlies stagger minutes between Marc Gasol and Jaren Jackson Jr. One of their top big men can be on the floor at all times. Plus, they can continue to work around the perimeter offensively while Noah occupies the paint and hopefully, snatches up offensive rebounds.

But what will actually happen is that Joakim Noah and Chandler Parsons (Yes, Chandler Parson is still on the Grizzlies) will slide in IG models DMs and continue to fake injuries while they spend their heist money flying out thots to Memphis.

I hate you, Joakim.

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you are joining me in Joakim Noah hate. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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