7 Ways Republican Debate Viewers Can Alleviate All The Stupid Stress It Will Cause

Politics stress me out. Sometimes they stress me out quite a lot. Constantly needing to keep up with who called who an "idiot," who received the most shady money, and what the vote tallies were for major legislation can cause my head to spin and make me wish that CNN never even existed (sorry, CNN). The first presidential debate is going down on Thursday night, which marks the official start of the 2016 election season. This means that, despite the immense amount of hullabaloo that has already taken place, we're really only just starting this race. There are more debates, commercials, insults, and bizarre Twitter wars yet to come. I don't know about the rest of you, but this debate already has me feeling on edge, and I'm trying to think of creative ways to deal with the stress.

This will be the first time I've watched a Republican presidential debate since Bush's second election (when I was in middle school and definitely wasn't writing about it). Back then, I didn't have to pay much attention. This time, I've got to keep close tabs, and drink in every last hotheaded thing these guys say. I'm worried about accidentally grinding my teeth to a fine powder or getting so tensed up that I'll be demanding a shoulder massage from my cats (neither of which will end well for me). So instead, I'm going to suggest that we give one or more of the following strategies a whirl as we tune in to Fox News on Thursday night.

Drink. Just Drink.

I know that, in general, drinking is far from a healthy coping mechanism, but if I have to look at Donald Trump's talking head for hours, I could stand to see it all through beer goggles.

Stress-Eat Cheetos

Again, maybe not the healthiest option. But if you crunch on something completely nonstop throughout the debate, it will probably take the edge off a bit.

Play "That's What She Said"

Any time Jeb Bush drops a one-liner, just yell out, "That's what she said!!"

Meditate During Commercial Breaks

For real, meditation is a legitimately awesome stress-relieving tactic. Put the TV on mute during commercials (of which there will be many, I am sure) and take as many deep breaths as possible without hyperventilating.

Give Yourself A Mani-Pedi While Watching

Turning the debate into time you set apart for some extra-special pampering could be just the ticket for being informed without being overwhelmed. Prepare the fancy lotions and scrubs!

Make A Puppet Show Debate

This will probably work best if you take part in the first suggestion beforehand. Have a couple of adult beverages, then make great use of your mismatched socks to create mini Trumps, Walkers, Bushes, and Carsons. Make them say literally whatever you want and it will probably still be better than the content of the real debate.

Text Your Crush

Nothing is more stressful than waiting to hear back, so you'll be distracted by thoughts of "I KNOW YOU READ THIS" instead of "Oh dear god, this country is doomed."