Mommy, who's my Daddy?

(The Tale of Atlanta Hashtory)

by Marquis de Shiggy

Early in 1982 an article appeared in the Atlanta Track Club Wingfoot describing a running activity called Hashing. The article likened the activity to hare and hounds running and was authored by a Harriet on Okinawa. The Harriet was named Seiko and she promised to introduce the sport to anyone interested in running a Hash. Marquis de Shiggy corresponded with Seiko and received the promise of a full description and written instructions when Seiko returned to Atlanta in the summer. Marquis' job was to prepare the runners of Atlanta for the delightful experience Seiko would allow them to have under her leadership.

Following Seiko's direction, Marquis made sure that a weekly venue was prepared for Seiko's grand introduction of Hashing. Three running clubs; The Northeast Striders, The Buckhead Runners, and The Chattahoochee Road Runners; agreed to alternate the hosting of a Hash run on a weekly basis. This arrangement lasted through one rotation. It seems that when each club got a taste of Hash their immediate reaction was to spit it out. The grand introduction was scheduled for the Saturday of June 2, 1982.

Seiko returned to Georgia but not to Atlanta. She took up residence in Douglasville and took a job as a lifeguard at the local swimming pool. With her new job and junior status on the lifeguard roster, she was scheduled to work Saturdays. This prevented her from performing hash trail scouting and the necessary preparations for putting on a Hash. She also coveted the instructions and insisted that the Marquis be patient to allow her the opportunity to lay the first Hash. Marquis made the arrangements for the 3 running clubs to slide the start of the rotation by one week to June 9, 1982. At the last minute, Seiko again was scheduled to work that Saturday and the Marquis again approached the 3 running clubs to slide the beginning of the rotation yet another week to June 18, 1982. And so, it was set that the first Hash of Atlanta AH4 was to run on June 18, 1982. The 3 running clubs were not going to tell their members of any more changes.

The week preceding the first Hash again found Seiko unable to attend and still unwilling to provide her written instruction. Marquis told her to piss off. Since he had raced hare and hound motorcycle races in southern California, he reasoned that a similar race on foot could be staged. A motorcycle hare and hound race in the desert would have the hare take off on his motorcycle with a bag of lime laying a trail for the pack to follow. He would rendezvous with another hare before his bag ran out and the new hare would take off. The original hare then became a checkpoint and listed the order of the riders as they came through his check. There would be several hare exchanges and the eventual winner would be the first rider to finish that had passed through all of the checks. Trophies were given and all riders would wash the dirt of the desert out of their systems with much beer.

And so ran the first Hash. Five checkpoints of Northeast Striders members were set up and Marquis laid the flour for the run. There was much bitching on the part of the Striders members because they couldn't run. The pack consisted of TwoTrip and 2 other harriettes. The trail led through Northlake Mall and the pack got evicted. They eventually found flour again with the aid of one of the checkpoint volunteers and TwoTrip finished first and received the first (and only) trophy. He also received instructions to bring it to the next Hash as it was the only trophy we could get. The trophy was donated by the Atlanta Track Club. It was found in their basement and had a plaque on it from some unheard of race in 1954. Marquis recycled it by removing the plaque. The Hash then retired to the Le Mans apartment clubhouse and pool where the hare, the hounds, and all volunteers proceeded to get drunk. The residents of the apartment complex got into the swing of things and soon there was much merriment and drinking.

Now this may not sound like a typical Hash to many of you but it embodies all of the elements of Hashing. It brought together, running in strange places, flaunting authority, sweating, and drinking all with good companions. While the hash sounded good to some, a hasher by the name of Skypilot didn't think so. A few years later when Marquis reenacted the first Hash on the 150th Hash, another hasher named Skypilot made him do a double down-down by declaring both the first run and the 150th runs to be “Hashits” – you will come to learn this term. However, those who participated in the first Hash didn't agree with him and these were the majority of the pack for the second Hash.

Seiko again was going to be unable to come to the second Hash but when she learned that we had run the first without her, she agreed to give the Okinawa Hash instructions to the Marquis. Seiko did agree to lay the third Hash and the Cochran Shoals park at the Hooch was set as the beginning. Not-So-Bright was to be her contact with the Chatahoochee Road Runners and would be her co-hare if she desired. Of course Seiko was unable to get the instructions into Atlanta so Marquis sent his company driver to the pool in Douglasville to pick up a copy of the written instructions. Although arrangements for the future runs were set, as soon as Marquis read the instructions for laying Hash he realized that the world class hairless hare for the second Hash would have to be appraised of the instructions. Marquis and the hairless hare met and the instructions were passed on. Both had no idea how much flour would be needed and they decided that 1 pound would probably be enough.

The second Hash got underway on June 25, 1982 as a live hare run. (The hairless hare was a previous indoor mile world record holder.) He led the pack through the creeks and byways of Buckhead. The pack successfully negotiated the passage through the Sears at Buckhead and a private Condo where the guard threatened to shoot. All seemed to go well until the flour gave out. Soon the trail was marked by arrows made from grass clippings and chalk stolen from children as they played on the sidewalk. After a fair amount of running and a good bit of milling about, Skypilot (who showed up for the second Hash) declared the run to be a Hashit and the pack retired to the 5 Paces Inn (a rugby bar in Buckhead). The hairless hare finally showed up at the bar and Skypilot proceeded to introduce us to the art of down-downs. There was an altercation between the Hashers and the ‘ruggers and the Hash got kicked out of the bar. We retired to the hare's house and proceeded to drink beer in his front yard. Skypilot had all do down-downs.

The third Hash at the river was yet another Hashit! The pack was on schedule but the hare didn't come. When it became obvious that there was no flour laid, the Piss Princess took up the Hash fee and the pack retired to a nearby bar to drink. So went the third Hash of AH4. Not-So-Bright said he figured Seiko would handle it when she declined to offer of a co-hare and Seiko figured that someone would check with her to make sure of the arrangements.

Since the Chattahoochee river site had never been used, Marquis laid the Hash at the river on the 7th Hash. This was and still is a goldmine of Hashing opportunities. The muck of the beaver swamps and the trails in the hills earned him his name. Skypilot was a regular with the Hash now and the Hash still had not laid eyes on Seiko. Skypilot had brought with him the Indonesian Hashing experience of the Medan Hash. It was adopted and it was preferred to consider the Hash as a breakaway club, rather than a kicked out group from the original 3 running clubs. By now the Hash had elected the hairless hare as HonSec, Piss Princess as HashCash, Skypilot and Super Chick as Scribes, Marquis de Shiggy as Grandmaster, and (in absentia) Seiko as Grand Lady – now called Grand Mattress or Master. There was a regular publication of the Hash Trash and runs were scheduled as far in advance as 4 weeks with the next run, run number 8, scheduled for August 6, 1982 at Stone Mountain Parkway with Skypilot as the hare.

The highlight of the 8th (but it shouldn't have been) was the appearance (finally) of Seiko. She showed up with the running chick from channel 5 and her whole entourage of cameras and news people. It became a media event with Seiko as the centerpiece. This turn of events did not please the hare who had taught the Hash that advertising the Hash was gauche (we now feel that attitude is stoopid, as we need new drunks to replace the one's who've gotten married and stuff…) even possibly justification for a down-down or two. With cameras rolling at the On-On Skypilot renamed Seiko, to be forevermore known, as No Show Seiko. There was a lot of discussion then about whether or not a Hash name could be changed Skypilot maintained that it wasn't a change, just and addition to clarify. Seiko stated that her name in Japanese meant cover girl and that No Show Cover Girl just didn't make sense. Skypilot said "Exactly!" poured her down-down on her and she was so christened. She may be Seiko elsewhere but in Atlanta she is No Show Seiko.

Seiko can only claim to have started the Atlanta Hash if this beer in my hand can be the result of some airborne spore of yeast falling in St. Louis. Marquis de Shiggy can only claim to have started the Atlanta Hash if the monks in Belgium had really planned to let airborne spores get into their fermenting vats. The Atlanta Hash was born by the excitement of difference and the desire to experience the unknown. All Hash communities evolve from these elements of human nature. The Atlanta Hash merely had the opportunity to have the nurturing guidance of Skypilot and as a result of that guidance to have evolved into a leader in the world of Hashing. Eat your heart out DCH3.

Atlanta Hash Mismanagement

Mismanagement is a small group of hashers who try to manage the unmanageable, rule the unruly and herd cattle. The term is also synonymous with lots of work for little reward, banging one's head against a wall, and masochism all so everyone else can enjoy their hash experience. If you want to complain about something in particular, feel free to email them!

Grand Master and Mistress (GM)

Not the Mistress or Master of the Night, but of the Hash! They crack their whips and everyone kneels before them...and if you're really good, they might put on their leather (or lace) boots. Of course, it's awfully hard to hash in leather unless it is a special event, but if anyone can do it, it's our GM’s. And if you don't kneel before them, they force you to drink beer! Oh, you dreadful masters!

Religious Advisor (RA)

Definitely not religious and you don't want to take their advice...particularly when it cums to matters of the heart...but the RA leads the hash circle and is responsible If you are not careful they will even invent new transgressions which force hashers to drink!

Hare Raiser

They approach you when you are drunk and trick you into laying trail. But you should just sign up on your own free will it makes life easier for all.

Hash Cash

This poor slob has to remember HASHER’s name and write it down whilst taking your money and deftly pocketing the change. Have you paid yet?!?!?!

Haberdashery

Talk about your ying and yang - two bodies, one email address. They keep us lookin' good in our AH4 hats and t-shirts and keep track of who didn't show up so they can do Down-Downs for being Too Longs!

Our Beer Meisters

The most important job at the hash, these lucky wankers are given money to buy beer – what could be better! Not only does the Beer Meister choose the beer they ensure it is perfectly chilled so make sure you are nice to them! All hail the mighty Beer Meister!

Web Gurus

The Web Guru are responsible for ignoring all the emails that say the site sucks, changing drunken posts or answering any other random question that is generically routed to the Atlanta Hash. The current website was created by Piggy's Bitch, Donny the Retard, and Robin Redbreast as content advisor.

Mismangement from 1992-1993

Mismangement from 1991-1992

Mismangement from 1990-1991

Mismangement from 1989-1990

Mismangement from 1987-1988

Grand Master: Kooler Killer

Mismangement from 1985-1986

Grand Master: Coffee Bean

You still have brain cells left and remember something we forgot? Send message

AH4 Trail Marks

So, you've decided you want to give hashing a try, but you have no idea what all of our silly markings mean. Don't feel badly, we've gotten strange looks from virtually everyone who has seen any of us set these marks.
In a nutshell, most of our trails are set in flour, chalk, Toilet Paper or other ways by one or two volunteers, which we call "hares". The runners, those of us who will be following this trail to the end, are called "hounds." Get it? The Hounds chase the Hare's trail. and at the end, all that great beer and food that you've heard about is waiting for ya....

Hash marks - Almost all trail marks will be set with the same flour your Grandma used to make her cookies. It is cheap, bio-degradable, and not a whole lot of folks are using it to set running trails, so chances are good, if you see a pile of flour on a hash, the hare put it there. Ideally, you'll be able to see one mark from the next. On the left, you'll see three marks. Imagine that they are about 25 yards apart.

Check marks - Of course, just running and following blobs of flour would be almost as dull as regular running. So, to spice things up, and to make the trail mentally as well as physically challenging, the hare will occasionally leave a mark like the one on the left. This weird circle with an "x" means that you have reached a "check-point" which means the trail can go in any of 3 or four different directions, only one of which is the true trail. Your job is to find the proper trail...

False trail - So, how are you supposed to figure our which trail is the right trail? When you get to a check mark, look for a blob of flour nearby, and keep following until either you have reached the fourth mark AFTER the check, which means you are a smart puppy who found true trail, or you'll run into three parallel lines like those on the left. This is called a back track, and means you picked the wrong mark. Head back to the check mark and try again! D'ohhh!

On-Over - Some times the trail will take you to a fairly congested area or a body of water, which may make it impossible for the hares to lay a trail in that particular area, but that is the direction you're supposed to go. In these cases, the hare will mark the trail with an arrow with two "o"s at the base. This means you are to go "on-over" the obstacle, and run (or swim!) in the direction of the arrow until you see trail again.

Witchy Way - Only used occasionally, some hares like to offer you two ways to the end of the trail. Usually, one is much more challenging than the other. Will the hare tell you which is easy and which is hard? Maybe. Maybe not. Life can be that way. Try to be strong, pick a direction, and live with the results....

Turkey Eagle Split - Rarely used and offers hours of confusion for hounds unlucky enough to stumbly on this mark... Is it Turkey/Eagle or Tough/Easy either way you are pretty fucked. Turkey you will surive normally some road rash and shorter, Eagle God help you this trail if it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger.

Water Stop - Okay. Sometimes it gets pretty hot in Atlanta, so your more compassionate hares will set a water stop about halfway through the trail. Usually this will be a couple of jugs of water, and some dixie cups. Don't be a pig, as there may be other folks behind you.

Beer Stop - Again, this isn't something you'll see on every trail, but some hares are such great folks that in addition to, or instead of a water stop, they will have a beer stop. Again, these are generally about halfway through the trail. so don't drink too much. Remember, there's plenty of beer at the end of the trail!

You've Been Fucked - You NEVER want to see this mark. Trust us. Generally this will hurt those who decide to try to short-cut a trail. After you've hashed for a while, you will notice that some hares tend to set trails in the same areas,and sometime even using the same ending point on multiple trails. As this happens, and people short-cut to the end, the wily hare may change the end point, and leave a 'YBF' mark for the short-cutters. Hah hah, sucks to be them!!!!

Count Back # - A count back on trail means that you have to count back the number of marks indicated (in this case, "Count Back Six" Marks). Once you get to the mark indicated, it acts just like a check mark, so read the description for a checkmark to see what to do next...

Beer Near - Everyone's favorite mark, even for those who don't drink beer. This mean that the trail is just about finished (you might have another 1/4 mile to go), and the beer, food and your hash bag full of all the warm clothes you brought with you is just a few yards away.... YAY!!!!!

On In - YOU SURVIVED. Now you can drink beer and bitch about how bad the trial was.

Danger - Do what your mommy told you when you cross the street. Stop look left, look right, look up, and look down you are about to get a big ass boo boo. Commonly for busy roads and train tracks, but also used to mark big holes and barbed wire.

Hare Arrow - OMG you are still on the right trail.

Senic View - Stop take a nice long look at the pretty scenery or at the local area bottle shope.

Don't hold all of this crap as the gospel - some hares are clueless and seem to make this stuff up as they go along.

The Cheddarhead

Fear and Loathing From Wisconsin

Cheddarhead I (1990) - This one started at the Park/Ride lot on Memorial Drive and ended at Avondale/ Dunaire Park (which had softball fields in those days). It was cold and Spread Eagle received her 100th Mug. Bowling was at Suburban Lanes in Decatur (and would stay there through Cheddarhead VI). We introduced the Hash to The Doors’ “People are Strange” polka.

Cheddarhead II (1991) – Started at DeVry Institute and ended at Tobie Grant Park. Someone brought his portable TV and watched Georgia Tech beat Nebraska in the Citrus Bowl and claim half of the National Championship. On the trail, Condomints lost a shoe and got shiggy up to his crotch. As we were laying the trail, a woman called the cops and said we were spreading dog poison on the streets.

Cheddarhead III (1992) – Started at Rockmor Plaza in Stone Mountain and ended at Meadowdale Park. We ran through the Indian Creek Marta Station (under construction) and actually went through the train tunnel under 285. Someone called the Marta cops during the run and they stopped Suck Buddy. They told her they would arrest the next runner for trespassing. Lucky for us, she was the last runner through the tunnel.

Cheddarhead IV (1993) – Started at Clarkston High School and ended at Hygiene’s house. It was a hot day and we had tons of people drinking the traditional pre-hash beer when Dribbles reminded me of the zero tolerance DeKalb County School policy. Doh! The Hash run started earlier than usual. Hash n Crash was named at this Hash.

Cheddarhead V (1994) – Started at Suburban Plaza and ended at Emory Grove Park. An irate homeowner called the cops as we were laying the trail through WD Thomson Park. The cop asked if we were in that “rabbit” club and went on his way laughing. The Cheddarhead had grown significantly and we had 120 people that year. We were getting older and lazier and decided to always end the Cheddarhead at a house for logistical reasons. Of course, we had also ended at 4 different DeKalb County Parks were alcohol is prohibited.

Cheddarhead VI (1995) – Started at the Kensington Marta Station and ended again at Hygiene’s. This was the biggest polka dance party yet with Sauer Crotch leading the way in his dashing lederhosen. After hosting the bowling for six straight years, we would not be back at Suburban Lanes again until Cheddarhead 18. Coffee Bean drove to Austell with his bowling shoes on.

Cheddarhead VII (1996) – Started at Northeast Plaza and ended at Afterbirth’s house. The tour of Bowling Alley’s started at Northeast Plaza. I remember dancing with Windy Titty (who is a huge Bears fan) to the Bears Still Suck Polka. Of course, all the cheesy prizes that year had no significant fiber content and plenty of fat. We introduced Cajun spice cheese curds for the hell of it.

CheddarHead VIII (1997) – Started at Spaulding Place Shopping Center in Peachtree Corners and ended at Ralph Heflin’s (not a Hasher) house. I don’t know who found some road kill on the trail but someone did a down down with some dead furry animal on his head. This was also the first year for Cosmic Bowling at Peachtree Lanes and it was a blast. Set Cheddarhead attendance record with 138 people.

Cheddarhead IX (1998) – Started at Greens Corner Shopping Center and ended at Beaver’s house. Bowling was at Gwinnett Lanes on Jimmy Carter. Disaster struck that year when UPS hijacked the curds and the cheesy prizes. Many thanks to Head Nurse and Bumper Bullets for finding some cheesy prizes inside Kmart at the start. I had no idea how much folks were addicted to their annual “curd fix”.

Cheddarhead X (1999) – Started at Ansley Mall and ended at TV Hair’s House. Bowling was at Express Lanes in Midtown. Sleaze Puppy’s fiancé (now ex husband) was visiting from Australia, and he couldn’t finish his down-down, so he threw it all over Asshole and his new digital camera. Does this prove that Australian’s really are a bunch of pansies? Feel free to ask O&5 the next time he's in town.

Cheddarhead XI (2000) - Started at the East Point Marta station and ended at Erection Master sister's house in East Point. We had a nice Beer and Kringle stop under a very very old oak tree which was due to be cut down to build an elementary school. However, the old oak was spared at the 11th hour when they found another location for the school. Bowling was at East Point Lanes which burned down 15 months later and has still not reopened.

Cheddarhead XII (2001) - Started at Village Lanes in Sprayberry and ended at Condomint's parents house in northeast Cobb County. This was the Cheddarhead with the real Frozen Tundra Lambeau weather. The Hash was laid with yellow corn meal because it was snowing in the morning. The Cheese sisters said it was time to have fried cheese curds at the Cheddarhead. They were a big hit even if they were a bitch to make. Redeye mangled his hand at the bowling alley by sticking it into the ball return.

Cheddarhead XIII (2002) - Started at Roswell Lanes and ended at Service My Tool and Primer's house. Primer was presented a beee-utiful CornHead and talked about having a Cornhead Hash with an Iowa theme. Keep bugging her and we might just have a great Hash complete with female corn oil wrestling!

Cheddarhead XIV (2003) - Started at Glenwood Lanes and ended at Fag Pipes house in South DeKalb. The neighborhood was extremely impressed with the happening Polka music. Jazzy Ts on Columbia now plays Polka every Tuesday night. Just tell'em Public Enema sent ya.

Cheddarhead XV (2004) - Started at Azalea Lanes in South Marietta and ended at Bagless's house. We had an all-time record crowd of over 160 fools. While some would attribute it to the spring-like weather, we know to is was the chance to win tons of cheesy prizes that stirred up the troops. Public Enema honored all the military guys at the hash for freeing the Cheese Kurds in Iraq.

Cheddarhead XVI (2005) – Started at Tucker Lanes and ended at Sanitary Knot and Bunny Banger’s house. Another perfect day, with another record crowd of 182 people. The large crowd successful stress tested Sanitary’s sanitary system, knocking out all three toilets. I still remember Sani, in her always subtle soft voice saying, “Enema, you NEED to get a PortaPotty for the Cheddarhead”. As always, she was right!

Cheddarhead XVII (2006) – Started at Northeast Plaza Fun Time Bowl and ended at Yeast Infection’s house. Another perfect day, with another record crowd of 203 people. Thankfully, we did get a PortaPotty for this one. After nine years, we finally came out with a new bowling shirt, with a wonderful Cheesy graphic by Kitty Kitty Gang Bang, and personalized cheesy embroidering of your Hash Name of the left breast pocket.

Cheddarhead XVIII (2007) – Started at Suburban Plaza and ended at Surly Temple’s Moms house in Avondale Estates. The crowd was 171, including EggBeater and his buddies from Madison, WI. In addition to bringing the Wisconsin beer down south, Eggbeater was a very popular man serving up the Wisconsin favorite, Brandy Old Fashions.

Cheddarhead XIX (2008) – Started at Ansley Mall and the bowling was at Midtown Bowl. The ending was at Rats Ass house. The crowd was 184 chilly hashers. Beav was able to get some great Johnsonville Brat swag for this event. We hung a big cheesy poster from Rat’s Ass porch saying “This is Johnsonville Country”. Rats Ass neighbors were very impressed that he had 184 very close friends!

R.I.P.

Our Big-Time Fun Events

Sure, getting sloppy drunk after running through the woods is lotsa fun and inspiration for many a porno flick, but sometimes you just wanna go that extra mile - to really tax the ol' liver if ya get the drift. We suggest keeping your eyes out for this muckity-muck:

The Cheddarhead - Ya know, we start da year (yes always Jan 1) wit Public Enema, Beaver and der trusty Wisconsin contingent for the notorious Cheddarhead hash where there is lots of Cheese, Polka, Bowling and other Wisconsin fun. Yep, der are some hashers dat don’t get smashed on New Year's Eve so they can get up in time to set this trail, cook da Brats and fry the cheese on New Years Day. Call dem crazy - we call ‘em Cheddarheads... Click here to read more.

The Red Dress Run - What can be better than hashing? A Pub Crawl. And what's better than a Pub Crawl? Pub Crawling in a Red Dress - we generally do this every February, or June, or April, or whenever....

Camp Hedon - Our signature event, held every Memorial Day Weekend in Newnan, Georgia, at the massive estate of Erection Master and Head Nurse. This is a Four Day, Three Night camping weekend, with tons of food, two beer trucks, skits, games, giveaways and lots of nekked folks.

Our Lady of the Painful Member - Held the night before the Peachtree Road R*ce (July 3rd), this one always starts at the intersection of 15th Street and Peachtree Street, at the fountain. There is a long story about how this got its name - suffice it to say, we have NEVER laid a trail with powdered lime again (the stuff they use to mark football fields). If you ever bump into the Marquis De Shiggy, ask him all about the nurse with the bristle brush and how it affected his "man-hood". This is also when AH4 changes mismanagement.

The Peachtree Pub Crawl - Julia Edmonds has a lot of nerve - she and her Atlanta Track Club minions hold a stinking road race right in the middle of our Pub Crawl held every 4th of July. Ugh, the nerve of some people. Our sponsors, Terrapin, tell us not to let it bother us, so we don't. But still, the nerve... Grumble, Bitch, Moan...

InterAmerica's Hash - While not an Atlanta H4 event, InterAm is the bi-annual gathering of all the hashes from North and South America (Okay, some Euro-trash usually crash the party, but they drink just like we do, so they're nothing to be afraid of....). Atlanta hosted in 1985, so we're off the hosting hook for a Loooooonnnnnggg time.

Georgia/Florida Intercourse - Every year all the hashes from Georgia and Florida get together for silly fun. This is always on Columbus Day weekend, and 4 out of 5 times, this will be at Tybee Island, just outside of Savannah.

The Halloween Home Crawl - Imagine Trick or Treating for beer - that about describes the scene as we don our costumes and descend upon a neighborhood in the Atlanta Area. Imagine - ten beer stops in two hours. It can be done... Held the last Saturday in October.

The Fat-Boy Athletic Club - Founded by Condom Mints, the shortest trail of the year is the Saturday after Thanksgiving (aka the Saturday after the Atlanta Marathon) the hare takes pity on us, and lays the shortest trail of the year. Some hares have been known to use powdered doughnuts to mark trail in the past.

The Holiday Pub Crawl - We round out the year's special hashes with a traditional pub crawl. Lots of beer and minimal exercise. Held in Mid-December. Usually in East Atlanta, because why ruin a good thing? Hared by Asshole and whoever he can sucker into helping.