The Real Reason Women Can’t Orgasm During Sex: Circumcision

75 percent of women can’t achieve orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex alone. In other words, if a woman is “getting off,” it’s usually before the penis goes in or after it’s pulled out, with a helping hand or tongue.

No one seems exactly sure why this is. It’s a frustrating mystery no “sex”pert has been able to solve.

Others have blamed men — not enough foreplay, not enough after play, not gentle enough, not hard enough, not fast enough, not slow enough…

Practitioners of tantra say men just don’t last long enough. If they could learn “edging” and ejaculation control, she’d have time to “get there.” I’m a personal fan of this theory, but a lot of women say intercourse doesn’t do much for them no matter how long it lasts and can even get uncomfortable or painful if it lasts too long.

Others have given up, saying vaginal orgasms just don’t exist, so we should just forget about them and focus on the clitoris. This poor, bitter woman is among countless millions who’ve settled on the belief men and women weren’t meant to enjoy sex simultaneously — foreplay is for her and intercourse is for him.

Vaginal orgasms are not a myth

To me, this is tragic. I know for a fact vaginal orgasms are real. I’ve experienced at least a dozen firsthand.

The trouble is it took me over 30 years to have a really good one, and, like I said, I’ve only had about a dozen. Apparently it takes men a ton of work to give them to me, and I’ve found them nearly impossible to give myself.

In the last couple of years since my first unmistakable cervical orgasm, I’ve become obsessed with telling my friends the good news. But the more I tried to explain how I did it — something I didn’t quite understand myself — the more frustrated they would get. “We’ve tried all that… it isn’t working,” they’d say.

This can’t be right, I thought. It shouldn’t be this hard. Something is missing.

Foreskin

Now would be a good time to explain how I got my first cervical orgasm. I’m polyamorous and in an open relationship. I started having sex with my roommate Ben almost two years ago. Of the 10 guys I’ve had sex with, he had one thing the rest didn’t – a partial foreskin.

It’s a piece of the puzzle I didn’t put together until recently. He told me a long time ago he’d attempted something called foreskin restoration.

It’s a process in which circumcised men can “regrow” their foreskins by using a little device that stretches the shaft skin down over the head of the penis. Over the course of a year or two, the stretching process stimulates new skin growth until a new “foreskin” is formed (minus the tens of thousands of nerve endings cut off at birth).

Ben had only used the stretcher for two or three months, so while the head of his penis is not covered, his penile skin is noticeably looser than that of any other man I’ve ever encountered (except one time with an intact man, but he used a condom, so it was essentially no different from circumcised sex).

I remember wondering in the beginning if Ben’s extra skin contributed to my newfound ability to cervically orgasm. Now I know it almost certainly did.

I stayed up all night reading it in tears. I’ve known about and written about the general horrors of circumcision for several years, but didn’t realize how deep a divide it’s created in American marriages and relationships since it became the norm here about 75 years ago.

“There is something missing in millions of bedrooms across America —” the book begins. “A necessary part of human sexuality from the beginning, yet, incredibly, its importance has been completely overlooked.”

“For too many women, the lure of would-be delicious sex often turns out a disappointment that leaves them hungering for something more,” author Kristen O’Hara writes.

“Men too have been left wanting for something seemingly out of reach … in a survey of over 52,000 men … 55 percent said they were dissatisfied with their sex lives and 39 percent admitted to various problems such as disinterest in sex. Others said they had relatively good sex but complained ‘it’s not all it’s cracked up to be’ and wonder ‘if they are missing something.‘”

According to O’Hara, they definitely are.

If you don’t have time for the whole book, I highly recommend checking out her website SexAsNatureIntendedIt.com, which explains the mechanics of circumcised versus “natural” sex. Warning: Not Suitable Work. The website includes sexual photos and video demonstrations. Here’s a summary:

5. The circumcised penis head and shaft become abnormally hardwhen erect because too much swollen tissue is packed into too little skin, making the woman feel like she’s being “poked with a broomstick,” rather than “gently caressed” by the softer, more flexible intact penis.

6. Because of decreased sensitivity (missing nerve endings in foreskin and calloused nerve endings in the head) circumcised men have to use a rough, pounding or “banging” thrusting style to excite themselves enough to reach orgasm. This starts out as uncomfortable or painful for women and eventually turns into numbness. (Great video on this one.)

9. Circumcised sex lessens feelings of love. The longer a couple can “ride the waves” of orgasm, the more oxytocin they create, causing them to feel bonded and deeply in love. Without these hormones, the woman becomes frustrated, nagging or “bitchy” toward her mate, subconsciously blaming him for not meeting her needs.

10. Circumcised sex can ruin the relationship. O’hara believes one day circumcision will be acknowledged as a huge factor in our country’s high divorce rate, which is twice that of Europe’s, where men are not circumcised.

While Frisch and his colleagues had no problem getting three other studies on sexual dysfunction published in prestigious American journals, the fourth, which included circumcision as a factor, was blacklisted:

According to the British Journal of Urology — published in a country where circumcision went out of style after only a couple of decades — circumcised men are four to five times more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction (that’s a 400 to 500 percent increase in odds).

Happy Ending – Foreskin Restoration

I’m glad I got to the end of the book or I probably would’ve been stuck in a depressed stupor. In the last chapter O’Hara tells her personal story, which inspired her research.

It was during the sexual revolution of the 1960s that she began a 15-year affair with an intact, married man named Tom. A year or so into the affair, she got into another relationship with a circumcised man named Mike, whom she was hoping she could settle down with, since Tom wasn’t available.

Having sex with both men over the course of the following year gave her the unique opportunity to compare and contrast circumcised and “natural” sex:

“With Tom, the natural man, sex was passionate, gentle, softly-smooth and sensuous … I truly wanted it to go on forever and would beg him for more, more, more. Too much was never enough. He knew the exact thrusting rhythms to use, bringing me to indescribable heights of passion and pleasure. Every cell of my body filled with desire and ecstasy when we touched. I constantly daydreamed about our next rendezvous …

Sex with Mike, the circumcised man, was considerably less pleasurable. His penis felt much too hard and his thrusting was uncomfortably ‘bang-away.’ Our thrusting rhythms were completely out of sync. I always had to tell him, ‘please don’t do it that way — do it this way.’ This frustrated me [and probably him] to no end … he didn’t seem to be able to get it right no matter how many times I mentioned it — what was pleasing for him wasn’t pleasing for me. We were obviously having two separate experiences, his and mine. It lacked a feeling of unison … a complete lack of connectedness …

With Tom … it was an experience of mutual pleasuring … giving and receiving simultaneously …

At the time, I had no idea my sexual attitude toward Mike was related to his surgically altered penis. I thought it was because I was in love with Tom and not in love with Mike. It never occurred to me it could be the penis, not the man.”

Over the next couple of years, she had short-term sexual encounters with several circumcised men and two more intact men before meeting her future husband Jeff.

Jeff was circumcised, but she had “never met anyone quite as wonderful.”

O’Hara realized she would have to end her affair with Tom to make a life with Jeff, but was still “painfully in love with him.”

On their honeymoon, Jeff wanted to have sex around every bend in the river on a canoeing trip.

“It suddenly struck me that I’d just made a permanent commitment to him. Although he was the greatest person I’d ever met … there was something about his sexing I didn’t quite like. It just wasn’t the same as it had been with Tom.”

She tried to put it out of her mind, but sensed that “something was fundamentally wrong.”

“The feeling of oneness was somewhere out of reach.”

Even though she was able to achieve regular orgasms “they had an edge of frustration in the build-up” and “weren’t truly satisfying.”

“They provided physical relief, but it was ‘on the surface’ relief, not connected to the depths of my inner being … My attitude after sex was ‘well, we got that out of the way — that should hold me for a few days.”

“As time went by, I began to comprehend the meaning of the word forever … I began to resent his inability to give me the kind of sexing I intensely craved and fantasized about.”

A few years into the marriage, she began seeing Tom again.

“I couldn’t help myself — I absolutely could not resist him … He was a magnet and I was steel.”

O’Hara said she loved everything about Tom, while she became increasingly irritable toward her husband. But in retrospect, she realized it was the penis, not the man, that made the difference.

About 10 years into her marriage, she developed vaginismus, a condition where the vaginal muscles clamp up and make it virtually impossible for the penis to enter.

Although vaginismus is typically attributed to trauma such as childhood molestation or rape, O’Hara believes circumcised sex itself can become a sort of trauma — a repetitive “assault” on the vaginal walls. Over time, she believes the vaginal muscles “remember” and recognize the “abuse” they are about to receive and close up to prevent it.

Suspecting circumcision was to blame, she called Tom to test her theory. After a split-second wince, her vagina “recognized” Tom’s penis and accepted it easily and eagerly. She was now certain circumcision was the culprit.

Shortly after her condition was diagnosed, Jeff came across an article on foreskin restoration. They decided it could be the solution their problem and Jeff had his foreskin surgically restored.

After he healed, their sex was immediately exponentially better and progressively even better as the head regained its soft suppleness from its new protective covering. Over time, her vaginismus completely disappeared and their sex life together became “totally fabulous.”

“After 30 years of marriage, we are more in love than ever … I feel like a princess in a fairy tale who gets to live happily ever after with the prince of her dreams.”

Our Own Happy Ending… Or New Beginning

After my sobs of despair turned to sobs of relief and joy, I read all the highlights of the book to the love of my life — the father of my child and my life partner of seven years — Brad.

We’ve talked about foreskin restoration before, and even bought a device a couple of years ago, but the process was such a pain, it got put on the back burner.

The book has triggered all kinds of uncomfortable realizations and emotions for Brad and I over the last few days, but the case for restoration is so compelling, we can’t ignore it any longer.

With tears flooding back into my eyes, I am so happy to say my best friend is in the process of restoring our love life to its full potential.

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47 Comments

Thank you for this. Far too many Americans don’t even know what a normal penis looks like, let alone how it’s supposed to function.
Circumcision rates are dropping but cutting hairs is still common. If Americans understood how basic normal anatomy works, maybe they be less willing to mutilate their sons.

I’m a doctor. I am also circumcised. I am also polyamourous, and have three women (and 2 men) in my family. Two of us are circumcised and one is not. Our women have orgasms. Multiple orgasms. Every time, no matter what. So this article is pure, unadulterated BULLSHIT.

Back in 2001, when SANII book was written, the common opinion, even among doctors, was that the foreskin was redundant skin that served no purpose and therefore, should be cut off. We now know, for sure, that’s not true:

Do the revelations revealed in SANII apply to every woman and man universally in every sexual situation? No. And the book never said that.

But the book did prove, unquestionably, that nature designed the penis foreskin for a sexual purpose. And during the lovemaking movements of intercourse, it can play a definite, delicate, vital role, adding immeasurably to the comfort and pleasure of both partners. And that’s something we should stop and think before we blindly routinely circumcise more baby boys.

Oh please, I call bullshit. I’m circumcised, fully. My lovers come many times to my one. I’m just average length but thick… but my intension is what I believe makes the difference. I’ve had so many lovers who have never orgasmed before. They have told me of their preferences in men’s penises, but after we have played that all goes out the window. Sex is 99% between the ears.

Hello,
I have lived the life of a circumcised male from birth. I’m extremely happy that I was circumcised before I would of remembered it. From what I have seen first hand it is a very painful procedure best done in the delivery room.
For those of us who don’t luck out with perfect parents and enough sense to care for their own bodies properly, or even after a hot and sweaty day, it saves the individual from urinary tract infections and even having to worry about such an abomination. For anyone who has ever had the misfortune of catching a UTI, it is one of the most painful ordeals you could ever go through short of suffering through a full on kidney stones, or in laymen’s terms a male pregnancy (women get them as well and it’s just as painful, but while we’re on the subject, an unclean uncircumcised penis can give women UTI infections, yeast infections, crabs, etc… if the female is unfortunate to have a sexual encounter with an uncircumcised male, she better take the time to wash the mans genitalia for him just to be safe, because there are some LAZY people both un- and circumcised I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen it happen…). Not to mention the smell that comes with it. If you’re not OCD with keeping it clean or even on an average basis, dead skin cells, urine, sweat, foreign particulates, fecal mater, etc builds up fast in those folds, to the point where you can smell it a few lockers over in the locker room. I could go on about the MANY disadvantages to being uncircumcised, such as it makes it a lot easier to get the penis skin caught in your pants zipper, but as I said, I’m not a medical doctor so you’ve probably stopped listening to my eyewitness accounts of uncircumcised penis disadvantages and the dangers it can pose to the females who will even think about touching one.
So I’ll leave you with this to say on uncircumcised penises, most women find them disgusting and for good reason.
As far as sex goes and blaming circumcised penises for women’s unsatisfactory reports. Gentleman, here’s the secret: get to know your partners sexual preferences, turn on’s, and taboos. As I’ve said three times now, I am not a doctor, just a cery experienced male with a circumcised penis and a long list of happily satisfied women (condoms, birth control pills or injections, and std tests were and still are taken frequently) to vouch for their preference of circumcised over uncircumcised penises to the point where if they find out it’s uncircumcised they will leave the situation as quickly as possible.

Uncircumcised girls have more bacteria-trapping folds and are more prone to infections than uncircumcised boys by a large margin, and we leave their genitals alone. There has not been one study, performed under the same sterilized conditions in which we examine male circumcision, of the health benefits of removing, say, the female inner labia, and yet there are literally hundreds of studies concerning the health benefits of removing the male foreskin. There’s something else going on here, and it’s not science; if infection reduction were the goal, then the population most infection-prone (uncircumcised females) should be the population most studied.

“No one seems exactly sure why this is. It’s a frustrating mystery no sexpert has been able to solve.”

Wait what? This is taught in sex ed, anatomy, physiology, and sociology. The clit and head of the penis begin in utero as the same thing – but they turn into different organs depending on what chromosomes you have. In both cases, that’s where most of the nerves are, so stimulation to that area causes orgasm.

That’s why it’s difficult for most women to orgasm vaginally most of the time. It’s no mystery. I didn’t read the rest of the article because that claim was ridiculous, lol.

While I appreciate this article pointing out the benefits of having a foreskin during sex, it unfortunately leaves out the fact that partners are going to have to work with each other, foreskin or not, in order to achieve orgasm. I have successfully guided many men with and without foreskin to help me achieve orgasm. It takes patience, practice, and it means caring if your partner receives pleasure. (no selfish atttitudes!) My main concern is that a man reading this article would use it as a scapegoat and tell his partner, “I’m sorry honey I can’t give you an orgasm. this article here says I can’t because I don’t have a foreskin”.

Wow. This is confirmation! I have had three lovers with whom I was able to orgasm easily together 99% of the time. All three were uncercumcised. Every new relationship I am in I am silently dissapointed that they are clipped. We can have fun but I can’t ignore the memory of what it can be….

This article seems like a thinly veiled advertisement for the book. That is not to say that circumcision isn’t a problem. Even so, another sexual technique wasn’t mentioned, and that is when the man keeps his pubic mound constantly in contact with the woman’s and makes sliding motions with his pelvis instead of the normal in and out of the penile shaft. The constant pressure and stimulation of the clitoris will almost always send the woman over the edge. Speaking from experience. Circumcision or not, this method works.

I just partnered with a circumcised man after two years with an intact man. The level of disconnection was profound. This new man is showing so many signs of being a better intellectual and day to day partner for me but I can’t get the other one out of my mind. There is an unexplainable union that I had with the previous that makes no sense as the drama in the relationship doesn’t support my still positive feelings for him which in know are inspired by the sexual compatibility that was in my opinion more mechanical compatibility than anything else. We want to believe we are there emotional and logical creatures who choose partners from a good list of pros and cons but the man who is able to penetrate your body in such a way, may find his way to your soul regardless of all else.

As an “intact” man, I have suspected this all along!!! That’s probably why I still have such good physical relations (sex) with my ex wife!!!
As a matter of fact, it’s the same with all my exes!!! We’ve all stayed friends and sometimes even lovers.

It’s tempting to attribute causation to one factor but it isn’t that simple. I’ve had vaginal orgasms with both circ and uncirc men and I’ve not had vaginal orgasms with the very same men. Anatomy is part of the equation but presence and intimacy and a host of other factors play an equal role.

Being circumcised has no bearing on a man’s ability to find the clitoris. Yes, it is still his fault. Wtf is this garbage? There are much better cases to be made against circumcision than, “BUT NO ORGAMZMZMZMZ FOR TEH WIMMIMZ!” Plenty of us have fucked dudes with foreskins and still not orgasmed.

I did not have my son’s penis mutilated. I’m so glad he has good sex to look forward to with his partner one day.
However I’m not a big fan of the body shaming by other little boys because their parents haven’t educated them what a natural penis is versus a cut one.

I feel as if I had written the book myself. I honestly believe that was the source of my fear of penetration, which robbed both my ex and me of the wonderful times we might have had. It’s so well explained. I always thought that the prepuce should have been kept on to prevent germs from entering the uncovered incision, or picking up lint from the underwear. I don’t have any idea how it feels to have sex. Yet, I have two kids which explains that pregnancy can occur with or without penetration. He used to call it “brushing” since the penis was only brushing the vagina’s entrance that usually brought him pain with regards to my pubic hair. Masturbation became our sexual fulfillment. Being now older, having killed the taboos, I’m more open to understanding the facts of life. Then, why did God prescribe Circumcision? He already knew about our infidelity aspect indeed. A faithful couple don’t have to worry about circumcision. The penis is used to one vagina, therefore no need to worry about the prepuce carrying or storing some foreign fluids. Those who want to enjoy a blissful sex life should take a fidelity vow. Thank you, for this insightful theory!

I find this very difficult to believe. I have been with two uncircumcised men, and found both to be very painful to have intercourse with. I never could orgasm vaginally with either of them. Plus, I got frequent yeast infections from the long-term partner (my husband), because the yeast got into his foreskin , even though he said he kept himself quite clean, and he kept passing the infection back to me. He refused to believe me that he had the infection, because there are no symptoms for a man, so he refused treatment. After a few years of getting terrible and painful infections that would take 2-3 weeks to heal, I stopped having sex with him, because the pain was just not worth it. Circumcised men are so much more sanitary and safe.

Oh come on. Uncircumcised women have more bacteria-trapping folds and are more prone to infections than uncircumcised men by a large margin, and we leave their genitals alone. There has not been one study, performed under the same sterilized conditions in which we examine male circumcision, of the health benefits of removing, say, the female inner labia, and yet there are literally hundreds of studies concerning the health benefits of removing the male foreskin. There’s something else going on here, and it’s not science; if infection reduction were the goal, then the population most infection-prone (uncircumcised females) should be the population most studied.

i think this is kind of silly. i’m a lesbian who has had vaginal orgasms from a young age. i’ve been with two uncircumcised men, a dozen circumcised men and a handful of very talented strapped women with dildos that most certainly did not have foreskin. Annnd….the women win hands down. Multiple, insane vaginal orgasms all night long. Super ejaculations where I can feel my uterus contracting like mad. i have had a LOT of sex over many years with many different lovers. i think figuring out how and what gets us off is what leads to our best orgasms, vaginal for some, clitoral for others, my bestie comes like a rocket when her nipples are tweaked a certain way. let’s forget the one size fits all prescriptions. i’m happy i didn’t circumcise my son. and i’m happy for all of the women in my life who come like crazy with or without dicks, foreskins, men, penetration, etc.

This looks like a fake news propaganda article, with an agenda.
It’s b.s..
Get off this kick about circumsions.
It’s been around for hundreds of years, with no problems.
I know many women who prefer it, get more orgasms, as well as many circumcised men how have done fine in the bedroom.
Get over yourself, it’s just another conspiracy theory