Who's that girl? It's Jess.

Monthly Archives: December 2016

Generally New Years Eve is spent creating resolutions for the coming year. For me, today meant having a little freak out because I have no idea what next year brings. Literally no idea!

I am absolutely stoked to be saying goodbye to 2016. Worst year of my life! A year that saw me mentally, emotionally and financially at my lowest. A year that was filled with tears and heartbreak and mistreatment from others. A year full of change. A year full of downright horrible-ness!!

This year was also a year of personal triumph, resilience, perseverance, and of survival. A year that I leant fully on God and he got me through. That is one thing about tough times, you tend to discover who you really are. When everything else is stripped back and you have only God to depend on, you realise that is all you really need.

2016 also brought support from others, especially my parents. Some new friendships and some old ones rekindled. Friendship and support that helped me through, beautiful words of kindness and hugs when I needed them. I am so grateful to all those who were there for me this year.

As I sit here wanting for 2017 to be one where I can make a difference, I am also worried about making the wrong choices for my future. I’m worried about experiencing another horrid year and about not living up to expectations I have put on myself or that I think others might have for me. But I think I’ll have to take each day as it comes, be myself and see what the wind blows my way.

I’m not one for making New Years resolutions because I reckon they put too much pressure on you if you muck up. But this coming year I’m going to make some New Years goals instead I think! I plan on putting God first and trying my hardest to follow his plans (whatever they are and however scary they might be). I plan on being a person who others can count on. I plan on completing some more study, my Masters to be precise. Which is the part of next year I am finding the scariest! I hated uni the first time round, but it feels like the only thing that has really presented itself – so here goes!

Hopefully this time next year I will be writing about the things I have achieved and not about how gosh darn hard it has been to have gotten through this year! 2016 was the year of survival but I am hoping 2017 will be the year of prospering.

Even though this year has sucked big time, I am still blown away by how blessed I am! I have a fabulous family & caring friends, I live in a great country and have so many things available to me with such ease. And most of all I have a God who has everything sorted.

It’s past midnight and I’m well and truly asleep. A noice wakes me and my heart starts beating a million miles an hour. I’m on my own, so there shouldn’t be any noise. There it is again! It’s a rustling sound and it’s coming from the kitchen. I grab my hockey stick and head towards it, but the floor outside my room creaks and my legs stop. They’re glued to the carpet. I try to slow my breathing so I can hear over my heartbeat. Adrenaline is coursing through by whole body and I’m ready to start crying. I’m thinking ‘what am I going to do? Clobber someone over the head with my hockey stick? I can’t do that!’. What do I do? I am so scared…

I don’t know if you’ve heard of the Fight, Flight, Freeze response? It’s what our brain does when it thinks we are in danger. It will either attack to protect us or those around us, flee from the danger or freeze you in place.

Now I know my story above sounds pretty scary and how lucky am I to have survived a burglar!? How brave was I to confront the source of the sound? Turns out the sound I heard was just a bunch of cockroaches having a party in my kitchen. Not really scary hey? Boy, did I feel silly! Especially after turning on every single light in my house just to double check (even after I discovered it was just roaches). The thing is my brain didn’t know that it was just some gross bugs but it tried to protect me anyway.

Sometimes in life we get scared, though not always of something tangible. It might be the unknown or a memory of something or being worried something similar to a scary time will happen again. And here’s what I have learnt, our brain protects us whenever it perceives that we are in danger. So a loud noise might reignite the reaction in our brain or a smell similar to something from when we were scared in the past might trigger that same feeling of fear.

I am in a bit of a limbo stage in my life at the moment and I am scared of what next step to make. Now my brain is not trying to protect me from danger by giving me super human strength or super fast running legs. It is however making me think A LOT! It is mulling over every possibility of what my future could possibly look like to ensure I am ready for whatever comes at me. Isn’t our brain amazing?!

I am scared none-the-less though. I am scared of making the wrong choice. I am scared of sucking at whichever path I choose and I am scared of putting myself back out there and being treated like crap again. But here’s the thing, if I just stay here in this limbo stage I think I might lose my mind from boredom! And sitting around in my house, being too scared to make that next step is not what God wants for me. He wants me to be brave, like I was that night when I went to discover what the noise was.

He wants me to step out in faith. As Nike says to Just Do It. He will show me if that wasn’t the right step by closing that door. And then I go to the next door, and the next and the next until I find that ‘thing’ that God has in store for me. Being scared shouldn’t stop me from trying! It might make me pause but it’s up to me to push past the many possibilities my brain has conjured up and have a go.

Now I could say ‘don’t be scared’ but I won’t because we will all feel scared at some point and it’s all part of our super clever brain trying to keep us safe. I will say though, listen to your brain when it gives you that little niggle that something doesn’t feel quite right. But be brave and try not to let fear stop you from living your life!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Step into Christmas. Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Have a holy jolly Christmas. And all other carols!

I am really getting into the carols this year and I thought to get you all ready and excited I would share my top 10 Christmas carols of this year. Then you can start a playlist of your own and play it non-stop for the next 10 days (although I have been playing my Christmas songs playlist solidly for at least 4 weeks now!!)

Now it has been very hard for me to choose only 10 (mostly because my Spotify playlist it 191 songs and growing!)…so here goes!

10. ‘Up On The House Top’ by The Jackson 5

9. ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ by Wizzard – I really do!

8. ‘Sleigh Ride’ by Human Nature & Jessica Mauboy

7. ‘White Christmas’ by The Drifters

6. ‘Silver Bells’ by Michael Buble & Naturally 7

5. ‘Step Into Christmas’ by The Puppini Sisters

4. ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! – couldn’t miss out this classic!

3. ‘Jingle Bells’ by Michael Buble & The Puppini Sisters

2. ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ by Michael Buble

And 1. All Christmas songs by Pentatonix. That counts right? It was just too hard choose!

I hope this has inspired you to get into the Christmas spirit and dust off the ol’ singing voice! Let me know your favourites.

While Christmas really is the most wonderful time, don’t forget there is more to it than all the twinkly lights, presents & food babies. Enjoy time with family – whether they are your immediate family or an adopted one – and share the love. But remember the love that was given to all of us on Christmas Day many thousands of years ago.

Being that the year is drawing to a close, one might be forgiven for reminiscing over the year that has been 2016. This has also gotten me thinking about the years that came before that and what occurred during them as well.

I know that many people say – ‘leave the past in the past’ or ‘don’t let your past define you’ – and I think that dwelling on what has already happened is not the best option. Although, I do think it is important to remember what your life has been up until this moment as it has made you who you are.

There is a lot to learn and to remember from the past. There are moments of laughter and celebration. Moments of broken hearts that made me want to give up. Moments shared with friends or conquered on my own. Moments that have shaped me. Moments that have all happened in the past.

Yes, the past is done and there is absolutely nothing we can do to change our choices, take away our memories or even erase our embarrassing hairdos. So let’s store them all away so we can think back to how all of these times have made us who we are. And make sure we don’t repeat certain things!

Whether you have experienced something really tough or been hurt by someone else. Had a great adventure with a friend or achieved something you didn’t think you could on your own. These moments all played a part in creating the glorious person YOU are this very second – scars and all!

Use your past to keep you grounded and remind you of the bad choices you may have made so you don’t repeat them. The crappy things that have happened to you so you can avoid those situations where possible. The people who treated you badly so you don’t treat others that way. The things you have achieved and how that felt so you can strive to feel that way again.

So I don’t know about you but I am definitely not letting my past consume me! I am going to use it as a springboard for being the best person I can be though!! Someone wonderful told me recently, when you feel like the roof is pressing down, use it as the floor for your next story – a platform if you will – that leads you onwards and upwards.

The past may be hard, we have all experienced things that we don’t want to revisit. But they happened, as crappy as they were, they happened. I’m sure there’s also some amazing experiences too, so focus on them!