#TBT: DEAR READER

I’m sure you’re wondering who the heck I am and where I came from but those things are not important. I’m here to write you the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me since I stepped foot in Disneyland.

I know it is my first time to write to you but please don’t run away if I told you about this amazing thing that has happened to me because this thing that is better than Disneyland is love and everything that comes along with it. Yes, that includes holding and touching and kissing and licking and all those other icky stuff we sometimes see in the movies.

There’s this guy with the gorgeous eyes and the crooked smile. I never thought that that combination of features could melt my insides but it happened and let’s blame it all to Sebastian. Sebastian and I have been friends for like, EVER and we never expected for that friendship to bloom into this kind of love we’re experiencing and enjoying right now. He is the kind of guy that seldom tells you “you’re beautiful” or “you smell nice today” but when he does tell you, you’ll know that he really means it and that just makes you feel like you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. He’s the kind of friend who teases you and enjoys watching you make a fool of yourself but when you actually do something amazing, he would always be the first person to tell you “i’m so proud of you” and that would make you feel so proud to be who you are. He’s the kind of person who could and would annoy you 90 percent of the whole time you’re together but a day without him always is a hundred percent worse. I could go all day about telling you what kind of a guy he is but there’s this side of him I want to specifically tell you about. I’ve been secretly in-love with him for two years already but I just never had the courage to let him know. Yeah of course, he knows that I love him because he is my friend and all but never did I tell him that I am in-love with him. Well, never until this one fine day came.

One fine day, I decided to spend my afternoon at the coffee shop I always go to with a book I just bought. I knew he would be there because that’s where we usually hang out. Then he goes minding me about not minding him.

“Hey,” he calls me in a very teasing tone. I don’t look up. “Hey,” he says it longer this time with a higher tone. I still don’t look up. “Berniiiiiiiiiiiiiiice!” that had the other people in the coffee shop turn their heads at him, and at me.

“What?!” I finally asked him with gritted teeth and a very wriggly frown. And what else is new? Of course, he laughed his brains off. He loves annoying me, you know.

“Hahahaha! I love it when you make that face.”

“What face?”

“That face.”

“What?!”

“That face that you have right there, right now. I love it.” I wanted to barf when he said that.

“You said, you love the face that I made. What face did I just make? UGH! You know what?! Why do I even bother? You’re just being your usual annoy-bernice-today mood. So please, let me be. I just want to read this book in peace. Go mind somebody else’s face.”

“But I don’t want to. You’re all I want to mind about today.” He said that with his "feeling" but handsome smile.

“Whatever!” then I went back to reading.

“What is that book about anyway?”

“As if you really want to know.”

“Of course I want to know. It’s you! Is it about girls and guys always kissing and touching each other?” he asked jokingly then laughed so hard about it as if it was such a funny joke.

“No! It’s about a boy starting in high school! Unlike you, this boy loves to read and write and is serious about his studies and is not trying to annoy people who wants to be left alone to read.” I rolled my eyes.

“Aww, sounds like a very boring kid.”

I hate how he sounds so annoying and cute at the same time.

“C’mon. Read to me so I could know how boring this kid is.”

So I did. We always did that. He would ask me to read to him the book I was reading then he would make unnecessary comments here and there. It has been sort of a Sebastian-Bernice routine. I was at the part where Charlie in the book writes about his dream about Sam, the girl he claims that he loves. He dreamed about her and him naked on the sofa and when he told Sam about the dream, he cried.

“Hahaha! What a funny kid. He masturbated in that dream and tells the girl that he did then cries about it?! Hahaha!”

“Stop it. He’s just very sensitive and he felt bad about it. Unlike you! You’re so insensitive and you never feel bad about anything,” I rebutted.

“Huh! That’s what you think,” he said with a touch of sadness in his voice.

“Oh really now?” I asked doubtingly. “Could you tell me one instance where you felt bad for something?”

“Never mind,” he looked very uneasy I wanted to laugh.

“C’mon! I’m really curious about the story behind this Sebastian-felt-bad moment. I can’t wait to hear all about it!!!” I said that teasingly with a big grin on my face.

“Okay fine! Want to hear all about it? Remember that time when that guy you loved oh-so dearly tore your heart into tiny little pieces and fed them to the piranhas? Well, not literally but you know what I mean. I felt so bad about the whole thing that I wanted to become a very bad person and do very bad things to that big arrogant piece of crap. And you know what felt worse? It’s the fact that I couldn’t do it because I know that no matter how much he hurt you and made you feel like crap and all the other painful feelings you felt, you still loved the guy and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt anybody that you loved because that meant hurting you too.” Well, that shut me up.

“And well, if you still didn’t know, because of course I never told you, I love you Bernice and thank you for being the ‘sensitive’ one,” oh my gosh, am I dreaming was all I thought of at that moment. I swear, I could hear fireworks in the background.

Maybe I was stupidly staring into nothing that he had to wave his hand in my face. “Hello! Did you hear what I just said?! I said that I love you and here you are staring into space and…” it was my turn to shut him up. I kissed him hard leaning so much towards him that I bumped our table and had our coffee mugs make clinking sounds. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care that we were inside a coffee shop filled with strangers. I didn’t care about the book I was reading that probably jumped off my lap when my mouth jumped for his mouth. I didn’t care about anything. All I cared about was him, me, and that moment.

And guess what. We’ve been together for two and a half years now from that moment of clinking mugs at the coffee shop. And yes, we’ve been also doing the icky stuff we often see in the movies but no matter howicky they made it look like, it is actually very lovely and amazing and sweet. I never thought that the gross stuff could actually be sweet, but when you’re in-love, I think almost everything is.

originally published on June 15, 2012

throwback thursdays is a personal blog series where I repost stuff I posted on Tumblr years ago that I think are still worth sharing join in the fun if you'd like!