Reader’s Dilemma: I Broke Up With My Neighbor and Now It’s Miserable Living Near Him

Today, let’s talk to a reader who fell victim to one of the classic blunders. No, she didn’t get involved in a land war in Asia, but she did date a guy in her building, and now she’s dealing with the fallout.

Oh no, don't let a breakup keep you stuck inside the house.

She writes:

I was dating my neighbor (terrible idea I know) for six months. It was a back and forth/on and off thing but we always worked it out. I recently met a new guy and ended it with the neighbor, but I'm starting to think a huge mistake. The neighbor has already moved on and is dating a girl who bullied me in middle school. Hearing them in the hallway or seeing them makes me miserable and I can't get away from it so I can't move on.

Oh girl, I have been there, done that! I met my college boyfriend when he lived three doors down in my apartment complex, and before we officially got together there were some awkward are-we-aren’t-we-why-is-he-hooking-up-with-other-girls times. It was painful to deal with, to say the least.

It’s not easy, but I think you can handle it. First of all, you said you only dated for six months. That’s certainly not insignificant and you can develop real feelings in that time, but it’s also not exactly the longest of relationships. And what’s more important to the length of the relationship is the fact that you dumped him and you moved on. I think you’re just suffering from seller’s remorse here. Which is understandable since it’s always hard to see someone you once cared about move on. and it probably stings extra that it's with a girl who used to hurt you.

But remember why you wanted to move on, and stick to that thought. And to lessen the inconvenience, try to avoid him where possible. If you’re familiar with his regular schedule, try not to be coming or going at the exact time you know he is. But I wouldn’t do anything too drastic to avoid him, or you’ll feel like you’re revolving your life around him. If you do see him, say a polite hello and then move on. Don’t get dragged into long conversations. If he’s trying to talk to you or his new girlfriend is bothering you, just make up an excuse and head away (like “Oops, I left my wallet upstairs”,” so you don’t have to walk out of the building with him). If you really can’t stand dealing with it by the time your lease is up and it’s feasible to move, then maybe it’s time for a new place.

But honestly, I think you’ll barely care by then. Even in a small space, you should be able to avoid him most times, and I think once you’ve gotten over the sting of him finding someone new, it will no longer bother you to see him. So hang in there and I hope you feel better soon!

What do you think our reader should do? Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal?

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