The day we decided to sell our house was also the day Nate started listening to the audio version of The 5 Love Languages. He listened to the 1st chapter and told me he thought we should listen to it together.

Chapter 1: Words of Affirmation – what I thought was my love language. The chapter was good, but not all that helpful: Nate was already pretty much doing the things the author had suggested. Which was kind of disheartening – “Hmm, ok. Well, maybe he needs to use more detail or something?” To be honest, even the suggested list of things for Nathan to try at the end of the chapter made me feel a solid “meh.”

Before I thought about making this a series, I was just writing a post wrap-up post on our past year in Austin when it occurred to me that I should probably start off by explaining *why* we chose to move here.

Well anyway, I have a big problem listening to voices and allowing too many outside influences stake their claim in my mind.

Excuse the Meyers-Briggs jargon, but basically:

– Fe makes me want to ppl please, and care about what others think.
– Si makes me want to live traditionally, follow how it’s always been done and do what’s expected and accepted.
– Ti fights for control, causing me to give into confounded logic, not based on resson, but feelings and perhaps a distorted view.
– And then quiet Ne whispers softly in the back ground that there’s something new and wonderful just out of reach – will I reach for it?

With all of the voices and thoughts vying for my attention I’m going a bit bonkers, to be honest, trying to please them all.

I think it’s time to reset and read and reread the bible. Give its truth the space it needs to run through my mind and seep down deep into my core. Until His ways are what I know. His guiding tug becomes THE voice that silences all the others.

But wait – isn’t that what God already told me?

Romans 12:2 HCSB
Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Yep. That’s what He said.
Only now I can take it in with a bit more self-awareness and stop taking my ques from those around me:
Not what Nate’s doing.
Not what the Spiritual Giants I admire are doing,
Not what I’m “supposed” to be doing.

But what makes sense for me and how I’m designed to work. To read and reread and allow this God-language, this language of faith and dependency to become my life’s language.

Considering future roadblocks, I think I get frustrated by opening my bible and not knowing where to start. Or following a plan, but it’s gotten so boring. So for now I’m just gonna read. No big production.

Just read, converse, meditate, adore, pray and live.
Over and over again. For me and Him.

Till these (already and soon-to-be) well-known tracks start playing loud enough to drown out all this noise.

This past week has been pretty bitter-sweet for me. & I knew it would be: all the in-person connecting with loved ones at our Going Away party, sunny weather, playing at the park, and enjoying this stay at my mom’s place has really filled me and caused me to question a couple times if moving so far away from my home is really the right thing to do. – “Will I end up regretting it?” I’ve wondered a few times, including last night before I fell asleep.

{A lemon cake my friend Liz made; so creative.}

& then I woke up. . . Literally.

It snowed.
It was freezing.
and that cute-n’-fluffy white stuff was covering EVERYTHING.

Okay. I’m good now.

It’s not like snow is the worst thing in the world. Or reason alone to leave anywhere. Actually, a lot of homesteaders move toward the snow – heading into Vermont, Wisconsin, and heaven-forbid, even Canada. Land is cheaper and they really enjoy the rhythm of the seasons – the cold and ice beckoning them to slow down and fill their soul while staying inside.

The problem for us is that our souls are filled by green and sunshine. Wind and bike rides. Hiking and swimming. I want to be able to do those things year-round.

It’s not that these activites mean more to us than the friends and family we’re leaving behind – not at all. Yeah, I’m done with freezing & I’m SO over being stuck inside but more than that: I’m done living for the weekends; and the get-togethers. Especially when 6ish-months out of the year, most of our time – with people or by ourselves – is spent inside! 4 boxed-in walls and a ceiling.

See, I want the quantity of my “week-days” to add up to more quality than the holidays and twice-a-month gatherings. & for me – for us – that means warmer weather. Being outside. Finding God in nature and teaching our little one to see Him there – and allow her to open our eyes to how she sees Him and life in general.

I’m so going to miss my family. And I seriously regret not spending more time and energy investing in certain relationships. In part, I held back from getting too close because in the back of my mind I knew Stow, Ohio wasn’t “home” and I didn’t want to make leaving harder. So while I’m bummed about what those friendships could have turned into, I’m grateful for the reminder that regret is our enemy. I want that tofuel my decisions in Austin & help me grow as a person. branch out. take a change that this thing that scares me could become something amazing.

It’s so much better to just go for it. Pain, hurt, and the “wow-that-really-blew-up-in-my-face”s come as they may. It’s all better than regret.

Morgan Reid

I'm wife and mama learning how to love Jesus, and love on others the way He does.
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Into crunchy and natural living; mindful parenting; social justice; and environmental advocacy. I like anything domestic (decorating, fabric arts, etc), Monet's art work, photography, ASL, and having real connections with other humans. (:
Currently living in Austin, loving all the 'weird.' Counting gifts and enjoying God. ‡
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MBTI: xSFJ. Enneagram Type 6.