Your Fashion Month Horoscope

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or is it? Our astrologists predict how it will all go down and what you should be wearing when it does

This Fashion Week, we’re getting cosmic—and no, we don’t mean getting star-struck by the Vogue troika, making it onto the Samsung Galaxy street-style wall at Lincoln Center, or donning Rodarte’s Star Wars collection. Although all of the above may or may not be on our to-do lists.

Our resident Cov-strologers have studied the skies and pored over the Zodiac charts to bring you very legitimate Fashion Month predictions (in the words of legendary songbird Paris Hilton: even though the gods are crazy, even though the stars are blind).

Just picture us That’s So Raven-ing your Twitter feed and warning you of any potential wardrobe blunders/seating chart scenarios/swag bag scoping in advance. And just in case the stars are on your side, here's exactly what you should be wearing when Phil Oh trains his lens on you. You’re welcome.

Color: Grey

Analytical, Skeptical, Fussy

A tumultuous alignment (something about planets and moons, don’t ask us) around NYFW kickoff makes you commit a fashion week no-no at the opening night party—less wardrobe malfunction, more wardrobe malpractice. You feel Rihanna’s side-eye burning holes in the back of your head, and turn to see you’re both wearing the exact same Alexander Wang satin dress. Evade her fiery glare (and a who-wore-it-better post) by making a Houdini-esque exit.

Color: Pink

Graceful, Idealistic, Vain

Libra’s equilibrium is knocked off-balance by a mid-fashion week misunderstanding—who knew Donna Karan New York and DKNY were two different shows?! Uh, everyone else, apparently. Ice your emotional wounds by taking a quick cab to Bergdorfs to cool off—hey, you may have missed the door, but maybe you won’t miss the door crashers.

Color: Burgundy Red

Passionate, Resourceful, Jealous

A slow start to the week is made up for by a surge of creative energy on Day Eight: no invite-only disclaimer is going to keep you from getting into the best closing night celebrations. You snap a few sneaky shots of Cara Delevingne’s VIP invitation from afar and employ a little cut-and-paste action. When the incredulous Instagram commenters start asking how you got in, you channel your best Elle Woods—“What, like it’s hard?”

Color: Ultramarine Blue

Unemotional, Explorer, Lucky

Who dat, who dat? The Sag venture outside her comfort zone on the 10th, capping off the week with the kind of gutsy get-up that would make even the Bryanboys and Susie Bubbles of NYFW stop and stare. Trade the navy for neon and frocks for smocks (just this once).

Color: Black

Responsible, Inhibited, Loyal

September’s Sun is daring you to be more adventurous, and in an uncharacteristically brazen move, you spot Nicole Richie’s empty front row seat at the Charlotte Ronson show just as the lights are dimming—and decide to make a go for it. You manage to evade sister Samantha’s quizzical stare with a strategically positioned selfie—and pull the wool over everyone else’s eyes with your knit turban, which just so happens to be the same lilac-grey shade as Richie’s tresses. What, you didn’t plan it, okay?!

Color: Sky Blue

Inventive, Witty, Rebellious

Your chart hints at a state of financial crisis unfolding on the 3rd—the day before all the action starts. Could it be you’re thinking of doling out some serious coin on a fashion week staple? Step away from the overdraft and opt for something a little more cheap n’ chic (and no, we don’t mean Moschino). Rather than splurging on the Marc Jacobs biker boots or an alligator satchel the approximate value of an entry-level salary, may we suggest investing in a few doppelgängers?

Color: Scarlet Red

Compassionate, Devoted, Imaginative

Pisces takes centre stage with the full moon on the 9th—and at fashion week, that means backstage at J. Crew thanks to a chance run-in with a friend toting a press pass. You may be delirious from the early-morning alarm, but did Jenna Lyons just give your get-up a nod of approval?!

Color: Ultraviolet

Independent, Impulsive, Optimisitic

With Venus in orbit over your love life this month, get ready to pre-fall hard. Our crystal balls (tarot cards? Telescopes?) predict an unrequited affair with a few renaissance men—think Phillip Lim, Calvin Klein and Italian stallion Valentino (RED Valentino, to be exact—you’re an Aries, after all). This fashion week, you channel your inner ingénue with throwback paramours and tongue-in-cheek motifs.

Color: Emerald Green

Persistent, Loyal, Stubborn

Fashion Week is off to a rocky start for the headstrong Taurus when the claws come out in the form of a few mimosa-fueled, off-the-cuff tweets at the Project Runway show. Who do you think you are, Heidi Klum? Our expert advice: Exit through the back in black-on-black and leave the critiquing (cri-tweeting?) to the panel, or say Auf Wiedersehen to next season’s seat.

Color: Yellow

Energetic, Witty, Restless

That nagging feeling that you’d forgotten something in the days leading up to Fashion Week? Yeah, it wasn’t nothing. Looks as though you neglected to RSVP to Proenza Schouler. So much for your faux fur/fair isle ensemble. You decide to hit the streets, repeating, “today will not be a waste of an outfit” under your breath.

Color: Silver

Caring, Moody, Sensitive

A full moon on the 9th means the crab steps out of its shell, and your much contemplated, all-dusty-rose-everything ensemble catches the eye of none other than Candice Lake outside the Maison Martin Margiela show. Maybe she’s born with it—maybe it’s monochrome.

Color: Gold

Confident, Ambitious, Melodramatic

A late lunch date has you racing to catch the Rebecca Minkoff show—and in true Friends-plotline form, it looks as though someone has weaseled their way in under your name. Are you gonna stand for that? Channel your inner Gwyneth and use the opportunity to write an open letter to the authorities, campaigning for better security detail at the tents. Justice is served!