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Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Two for Tuesday: Celebrity Couples Bite the Dust

It's only Tuesday and we've already got two big celebrity break-ups this week. Well, I guess that depends on how you define "celebrity." Let's start with the D list and move our way up to the A list, shall we?

RIP Juan Pablo Galividouchebag & Nikki Ferrell
The entire nation was stunned yesterday when sources confirmed that Bachelor contestants Juan Pablo and Nikki had called it quits. That's a joke, guys. The only thing I'm surprised by is that these two actually made it this long. I'm semi-proud to admit I never watched them on VH-1's Couple's Therapy, it sounds like the show didn't save their relationship. AND one of their main issues was the fact that JP still couldn't say "I love you." These days, when "celebs" break up, they confirm it with cryptic tweets or quotes on Instagram. And they also unfollow each other. Here's the quote Nikki posted: "Isn't it pathetic how we waste so much time on certain people and in
the end they prove that they weren't even worth a second of it."
Wait, it gets better--- she captioned it with: "Nope not one
single second." BURN. I do not feel bad for Nikki at all. She stuck around with JP (and made a total fool of herself on After the Final Rose), because she liked being a minor celebrity. She made fun of people appearing on Bachelor in Paradise when she participated in Couple's Therapy. I actually think JP is a normal human being for not saying I love you during The Bachelor finale, but if it's almost a year later and he still can't say it, then that's a problem.

RIP Chris Martin & Jennifer Lawrence (AKA Martin Lawrence)
All I can say is, thank God. I was totally not on board with this pairing. It kind of gave me waves of Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal. The age difference was a little much for me. He's thirty-seven and she's twenty-four. I mean, I get it. After being married to someone as uptight and macrobiotic as Gwyneth Paltrow, the natural inclination would be to go younger, but I was worried this wasn't just a fling. That like Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, they would surprise us all by getting married. Plus, it's fun to decide who they should date next. J Law clearly has a British fetish so maybe Theo James (is he straight?) and as for Chris Martin.... maybe he needs to pull a Matt Damon and hang out with the normal folks for awhile.

1 comment:

about the blow off

We've all been blown off, we've all blown someone off. Share your story: the blow off texts, emails, voice mail messages you've either sent or received to mark the end of a relationship. And if the blow off consisted of a disappearing act, post a missing person's report. Or just read stories about break ups in general.