Telling a new story: romantic relationships, by Michael James

Once you have identified an old story, you want to immediately say ‘now I know what it is I don’t want- what is it that I do want?’ and begin telling your new story.

Many people talk endlessly about what they don’t want, seemingly unaware of how this is blocking their good from coming to them. On the other side of what we don’t want is what we do want- and it is here that our practice begins. In every moment, we have the choice of choosing a thought that feels a little better from where we are now.

When you experience anything unwanted, the possibility of what you desire is immediately created. And so any time at all spent dwelling on the unwanted experience is time spent holding you apart from what you want. And the negative emotion you feel is your indicator of this.

So what’s your new story?

My romantic relationship

Finding someone to spend your life with is a major part of many people’s lives. The simple truth is that finding our partner has nothing to do with our looks, body size, age or finances. It is the story we tell ourselves that defines our lives, including our romantic relationship. So let’s begin.

There’s someone out there who’s looking for someone just like me and the Universe brings us together easily and effortlessly and in perfect time.

In all of the moments that you felt lonely or met the ‘wrong’ person you were creating a possible future of exactly what you do want. However, telling the story in the negative way is what is preventing you realising this and meeting your dream partner. So forget how long you may have been alone or in an unpleasant relationship- and focus on the wonderful relationship that is coming.

I easily meet the most spectacular partner and we adore one another and enjoy this wonderful life together.

Are you talking predominantly about what your partner looks/feels like and what qualities he has? Are you talking mostly about your new lifestyle with your partner in it; where you are going to live, your new jobs, possibly children or pets, your day-to-day life? Are you talking about all of the fantastic relationships out there and the knowing that your partner is on his way? If you’re not- it is time to begin telling a new story.

Example: I love the amazing qualities that I have to share with my partner and I love the way we compliment each another. I love how he feels when I hold him. I love the way he smiles. I love how similar we are and all the synchronicities in our lives. I love how I can totally be myself with him. I love how open and loving he is. I love how we bring the best out of each other… etc (you can go into more specifics)

When you wake up, you can imagine your partner is in the shower or getting ready to work. You can luxuriate in bed imagining that breakfast is being prepared and about to be served and enjoyed. You can imagine he is off to work (if he goes out to work) leaving you to bask. This makes for a much better morning alternative to ‘here I am, on my own again…’ With practice, your imaginings will feel so good you won’t miss not having a partner and at this point the virtual reality will become your reality.

As you move about your day, you can conjure images of your partner in the same way as if you were actually with him. As you wonder through the streets on a lunch break, you can look for qualities you may like in your partner- who is on his way:

If you walk past someone with perfect partner qualities don’t go into thoughts like ‘that guy will never like me’ or ‘why can’t I ever meet someone like that?!’ Instead, tell a new story: That’s more like it! There’s the kind of man I’d like to date. There’s someone to take into my visualisation/virtual reality process. Seeing him means I must be coming more into alignment. Seeing him must mean that I’m nearly there in meeting my wonderful boyfriend. I must be aligning with what I want now I’m beginning to see evidence of what I want. It’s wonderful that there’s so much variety in the world to get a feeling of what I want…

Your choice of story is the difference between whether you move towards what you want or turn around and go the opposite way.

Whenever you think about the subject of romantic relationships, your feelings will let you know if you are moving toward or away from the relationship that is waiting for you. As you go through your day, feel for the thought and constantly reach for thoughts that feel a little better.

A little reminder

These ideas are useless unless put into practice. Telling a new story is not something you do for ten minutes in the morning and then forget about it, thinking random thoughts for the rest of the day. It is a moment-by-moment process. Initially, you need discipline to get the momentum going but after a while it will become easier and increasingly more fun. Our minds are the most powerful tool we have and practicing using them in a way that serves us is the best thing we can do.