August 08, 2005

Felafel Man Begone!

"If the ACLU ever wants money, it should contact the Al Qaeda fundraisers. No organization in America enables terrorism as much as the ACLU, period. It is putting your life in danger. And that is no exaggeration.

Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about it. No way to stop it. The ACLU operates within the law and uses the legal system to oppose the war on terror. And there are enough loony judges around to give that organization power, especially here in New York City and in San Francisco.

The only thing we can do is hold people who raise and give money to the ACLU accountable. In the weeks to come, "The Factor" will tell you who these people and organizations are, so you can decide whether or not you want to do business with them.

There are many issues I struggle with on this program, trying to decide what's right and what's wrong so I can present a cogent analysis to you. But the ACLU's opposition to all anti-terror measures is not one of those issues. This is a dangerous organization. The evidence of that is overwhelming."

Ever since I read Andrea Mackris' truly scary testimony about Bill O'Reilly's bizarre fantasies, I have asked myself: Self, have I adequately protected myself against even the smallest chance of ever having anything at all to do with Bill O'Reilly? I mean, suppose I were innocently walking around downtown Baltimore and I found myself face to face with him: what would I do? He seems too imperviously clueless to be repelled by, say, mace or stun guns; and garlic and holy water seem more appropriate to Bob Novak than to O'Reilly. I have some intriguing curse objects that I bought at a witchcraft and santeria store in LA (as well as "Justice Powder" -- who knew the cardinal virtues were available in powdered form?), but I don't usually carry coffin nails and black candles in the shape of skulls with me for routine errands. What to do?

Now I learn that, as a member of the ACLU, I have been unknowingly protected from ever having to encounter Bill O'Reilly for years. I can just take the ACLU membership card that, as a card-carrying member, I dutifully carry around, wave it at him, and he will boycott me! I can't tell you what a relief this is.

If you would like to enjoy the ACLU's special anti-O'Reilly protective powers too, all you have to do is join them, and then let O'Reilly know (you can email him at oreilly@foxnews.com.) See how easy?

Comments

I did exactly that about a year ago, when O'Reilly went on a similar crusade against the ACLU. I became a member and I sent Falafel Boy a copy of my confirmation email, along with a note saying that I joined because of his rant. Never heard a word back from him, but I'm glad I did what I did, and I hope hilzoy inspires others to do the same.

I like some of the things that the ACLU does and not others. But O'Reilly is on crack if he thinks: "No organization in America enables terrorism as much as the ACLU, period."

First of all there are some shady Muslim 'charities' in the US which support Al Qaeda and Islamist extremism far more directly than the ACLU (and I emphasize FAR more). Furthermore if we expand our horizons beyond legal organizations, I strongly suspect that some drug-running organizations support Al Qaeda with money. (It is an Islamist two-fer, supply the evil enemy with the decadent powder. The fact they use it only proves their decadence. They also get money from selling it. What could be better?)

So if we want to stretch it a bit, by having such strict anti-drug laws as to make dealing them so profitable, the US government is the single most dangerous organization in terms of supporting terrorism.

I have this fantasy that one day one of his quests will turn to him and talk about the REAL isue. O'Reilly will ask some question like, "Why does the ACLU support terrorism?" and the guest will say, "You're a sex pervert." He'll say, "But seriously, how can we keep ourselves safe from the ACLU?" and the guest will say, "Why does FOX employ you when you are a sex pervert?" and start reading some of his quotes. Why don't guests ever turn on creeps like O'Reilly?

Because it's a sure way to never be invited to that or any similar show again. If you are there for any reason other than personal satisfaction (e.g., supporting an agenda or believing your career will be helped by appearing on camera), you have just committed professional suicide.

But, folks: if the ACLU were out of business, what organization would cranks like Bill O'Reilly have to focus their crankery on? Who would they have to single out to be the officate bete noire of the VRWC? Who else would provide such a useful readymade strawman/whipping boy?
Truth is, if the ACLU didn't exist, some rightwing blowhard would have to invent it.
(And the country as a whole would still be better off)

Been listening to Michael Savage again, Anarch? I know you just can't help yourself.

It's true; you've discovered my secret life. After he told a caller that he was a sodomite and deserved to get AIDS and die, well, I knew then and there I was hearing the Voice Of God(tm) On Earth.* How could I help but saturate myself in his revelations?