A peek into the life, mind, and heart of a completely sane lunatic.

Craving Normal

So I’m doing a random round of facebook stalking. Let me take that back. Stalking would imply combing through peoples profiles with ill intentions or some other type of malice. Nope. I was just peeking in on folks, a lot of whom I’ve dreamed big with. Some of us come hell or water high are out here attempting to kick up some form of something despite any circumstances. For many though, the dreams have changed. “Life” has happened. Marriages and babies in some instances; unfortunate illnesses or injuries in others. Very simple to very complex things that have caused dreams to be indefinitely deferred or to die altogether. In some cases it is a pleasant death as an alternate path to a happiness “equivalent” has come along. In others it is a long arduous road. A wait for the inevitable.

I’m getting older. Duh. I’ve not run across that alternate happiness. Sometimes I find myself wishing that “life” maybe a “stable” marriage or relationship would happen. Just a lil taste a normal might not be bad. It’s not happened that way for me though. The signs aren’t pointing in those directions. *sigh* So, I still hold pretty fast to my dreams and aspirations; Thankfully I’ve not been maimed or otherwise injured. Is this my purgatory? Maybe. It’s not such a sucky place to be. I know I’m not alone here. In fact we’re a pretty swingin’ crowd. And I have hope, lots of it that I will someday be something or for acceptance of the possibility that I will do nothing for the rest of my life but tinker around and pick up a cat here or there. The boy will go off to school, or marriage, or in hot pursuit of whatever he thinks he should be. Then what. Then what?