Marotta: Arriving at an early destination in life’s stages

Let’s pretend it’s graduation day and I'm the speaker and you guys are among the many young people there in your rows of fanny-squeezing chairs.

Here’s my speech.

"What I would like to do in my time here is tell you about a topic that arose the time I spent a week with some other young people. There, in our daily evening sessions, some music got played, and some topics got looked at, principally about our lives and what God was maybe hoping we might do with them.

"My ‘job’: to offer thoughts lively enough to act as inspiration for the journaling the youth would do during their daily Quiet Time. So for 20 minutes each night, their young faces were pointed in my direction, just like yours are now."

(Remember we are PRETENDING that you’re sitting before me right now!)

"Of course it’s thrilling for any older person to be given the chance to talk to you younger ones, so I thought and thought about what I might say.

"I decided finally on a walk through the great ‘stages of life,’ the all-important Who Am I? stage at life’s beginning no less than the wonderful end stage when we’re meant to give back and pass down all we have gained in the way of riches and wisdom. The Using Your Gifts stage came up, too, of course, as well as what I’ll call the Changing-the-World’s Light Bulbs stage.

"But the phase of life that really made their eyes light up was the one we come to when we begin to look around for a partner.

"I don’t know any more about this subject than the average guy, of course, but I did find my own life’s companion when I was just one year older than the kids on that trip, and I’m with him still.

"Thus, I just offered a few tips on Love, and, in the hope that it might bring a light to your eyes too, and I’ll repeat them here:

"One, don’t expect to like each other every second of the day. Even Gandhi found his close companions annoying at times. And yes, I know all about cranky old Sartre with his "Hell is other people" talk, but that’s nonsense. Other people heal and redeem us.

"Two, find a partner who makes you laugh.

"Three, make sure that person gets a kick out of you, too.

"Four, don’t be afraid the relationship will break if you have a fight. It won’t break, as long as nothing really cruel or spirit-withering gets said.

"Five, come to think of it, just never say those hurtful things. Learn to hold your tongue. In my marriage, the more one of us screws up the less the other one says about it. Why? Because people see when they’ve done a dumb thing. If nobody starts berating them about it they tend to skip the defensiveness and give themselves a pretty stern lecture.

Page 2 of 2 - "So I said all that at the session devoted to partnering and the next day three different youths approached me.

"‘It was great what you told us," one said.

"‘I could never picture myself married until last night," said another.

"’Can you give us another love talk tonight?’ asked a third.

"But it’s all a ‘love talk’ really, your teachers’ lessons, your parents' advice, and every last speech you hear from old fogies like me.

"And it doesn’t matter a bit that school is almost out. Straight through the calendar and our whole lives, Love is and will be the great and only subject."

Write Terry at terrymarotta@gmail.com and visit her blog, Exit Only, at www.terrymarotta.wordpress.com