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This Guy’s Pre-Workout Amazon Review Lists All The Hilarious Side Effects He Felt

One of the best (and worst) parts about the internet is that so much stuff is just plain made up.

Now you might be asking yourself, “How can that ever be considered positive?” And it’s true, there is a ton of fake news out there causing all sorts of havoc, so much in fact, that some people feel it helped get a former reality TV star elected President.

But, I would counter your fake news woes with the wonderful world of exaggerated Amazon product reviews that are almost always hilarious. I mean, just look at these amazing words of praise for the iconic three-wolf moon shirt.

That’s right, he called it “career development fertilizer.”

You can buy pretty much anything on Amazon and find out whether it’s good or not thanks to the retailer’s handy-dandy comments section. Coincidentally, people who actually take the time to read product reviews are prime targets for some lighthearted trolling/gifts of hilarity. Like the reviews that have been pouring in for this pre-workout powder.

Now if you’re unfamiliar with the world of fitness supplements, there’s one thing you need to know: it’s a lawless wasteland.

Because of that, it’s home to some of the craziest, “bro-science” claims you’ll ever hear. As a result, there are some MOs that lots of these supplements follow. And if you used to read Muscular Development and all the crazy bodybuilding magazines back in the day, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

The LIT pre-workout powder’s product description falls in line with the supplement lingo.

Clinically Dosed Pre-Workout

Built By Science. Driven By Obsession. Elevated Through Innovation.

If It’s On Our Labels, Then It’s In Our Bottles. Get Lit And Train With Focus, Power And Pumps.

Which may or may not have inspired people to write such hilarious testaments to the efficacy for this “pump” powder. Like Amazon user Dino2925’s review of the stuff.

Here it is, in full:

Walked into the break room at work for a glass of ice water. Noticed a container of this sitting on the shelf. Thought it might flavor my plain water reasonably well so I mixed some up. Blue Raspberry. I read the label as I stirred. “May cause flushing and tingling”. I smirked, thinking that wouldn’t be an issue. Background: 5’11”, 270 lbs. A walking wall that spends an inordinate amount of time lifting large weights. I don’t use supplements but am peripherally aware of their function. This is labeled as a pre-workout supplement. I figured that since I was going to the gym later, it couldn’t hurt.

The taste was delicious. Sour and refreshing. Within a couple minutes, my face went numb. I laughed, thinking maybe there was something to that warning label. Soon, the tingling spread to my arms, legs and chest. Then the itching started. The whole body itching that someone might experience after swimming in a lake of toxic waste. The label didn’t mention the itching. Then the caffeine kicked in. I think that the manufacturer forgot to mention that one of the secret ingredients was methamphetamine. Proprietary blend, with a sprinkle of cocaine. I literally couldn’t blink. Had I been surrounded by a group of angry police officers, I suspect the ensuing viral video would have been epic. One review mentioned that this product is ‘Fire’. That phrase went though my mind prior to reading it.

It took about two hours for the product to wear off. The itching was unnerving. Ten hours later and my tongue still hurts. I never did get to the gym. This product would likely be awesome during the first hour of a Zombie Apocalypse, as your situational awareness will be off the charts. You’ll feel as strong as a gorilla and the itching will keep you moving. I don’t know if sweating would help mitigate the itching but I suspect not.

When I get back into work on Monday, that container will still be sitting there. Calling me. Tempting me. Part of my brain will shout “Remember the itching!”. Another part will whisper “Remember the rush….” I’ll probably opt for a glass of water and think about zombies.

The invigorating, itchy affair didn’t seem solely reserved for Dino, either. Other people testified to the fortifying effects of the powder.

Others think the pre-workout is so good that Jesus himself would use it.

Lots of the reviews comment on the fact that the product leaves you feeling “tingly,” but everyone pretty much unanimously agrees that it works.

Not sure I want to be itching/tingling all day just to have a slightly better workout, but I have to be honest, I do kind of want to try it now. Sorry Dino, your trauma has done little to dissuade me from wanting this product.

Ever wandered into a McDonald’s on a warm summers day for some refreshing ice cream only to be told that the ice cream machine isn’t working? You’re not the only one. In fact, there’s an entire meme that centres around McDonald’s ice cream machines not working…

These are all classics, by the way.

And now, the fast food joint behind everyone’s favorite Twitter account, Wendy’s, has got in on the action. In a reply to a tweet about Fisher-Price’s McDonald’s Soda Fountain, which includes an ice cream machine, Wendy’s delivered this burn…

Someone needs a visit to the burn unit. This isn’t the first time that the geniuses behind Wendy’s Twitter account have roasted McDonald’s. Here’s a reply to a tweet that McDonald’s corporate account probably didn’t mean to send out…

And Wendy’s also went on the warpath in response to McDonald’s announcement back in March that quarter pounder burgers in the majority of their restaurants will be cooked with fresh beef by mid-2018.

McDonald’s just can’t catch a break. Social media users seemed to enjoy this latest burn even more that those last two.

Women’s clothing sizes are ridiculous, and pretty much a roll of the dice. Men have it pretty easy, dealing with small, medium, or large, while women have varying measurements that don’t really seem to match up between different brands.

Instagram user Mira Hirsch, a body-positive activist from South Africa, knows this pain all too well. While shopping recently, she found two pairs of pants marked the same size, but which had very different results…

And people seem to agree, with the post attracting more than 3,500 likes in 24 hours. Commenters were very supportive:

Stock photos are what media outlets use when they don’t have another photo to illustrate a particular story. Because of this, stock photos often operate this weird uncanny valley of the specific and general—something that the Twitter account @darkstarkphotos shows hilariously with its collection of some of the weirdest, darkest stock photos on the Internet.

The account—run by UK journalist Andy Kelly—curates the strangest images lurking in the corners of popular stock photo websites like Shutterstock and iStock.

“I’ve always found stock photography hilarious, and while digging through the depths of Shutterstock I noticed a few that stuck out among all the smiling models playing tennis and eating salad. Some were disturbing, but mostly they were just funny,” Kelly said in an interview with Mashable. “No matter how serious the subject matter is, the absurd artifice and bluntness of stock photography makes it amusing.”

It’s always scary when you’re getting ready to read the confessions of employees that work at your favorite food establishments. While Olive Garden has been the butt of many Conan jokes, all of their menu options taste great and do so without breaking the bank.

But here you are, reading this, knowing that these anonymous confessions mean that you might have to think twice about going back to your failsafe spot. The good news is that if you treat your servers well, then you most likely have nothing to worry about. Beyond that? Well…go ahead and read.

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