Writing for Woman's World Magazine and others. Half critique. Half blog. Half not so hot with math.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Notice:

I'll be moving to a new state on Tuesday. That means this blog will be on holiday until June 6th. If I did my math right, and you see by my tag line that math is not my thing, I will only have missed reviewing one mystery, the June 2nd story. I'll do a double post and get all caught up on the 6th.

Behave while I'm gone. There are snacks in the fridge. Last one out, hit the lights.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Tag line: It appeared Miss Helen’s cat had some
information she wanted to share with the detective …

Police characters: Detective Jack
Phillips

The gist:Retired bank president, Helen Horton, lay dead
at the foot of her townhouse stairs. Detective Phillips watched the EMTs load
her body onto a gurney. Helen’s niece, Mary Ellen, her only relative, had split
with her husband and had been living with Helen.She heard the fall and called 911. She told
police that her aunt had knocked on her bedroom door to tell her she was going
for her morning walk and that she’d leave the door open for the
housekeeper. Helen walked each day and was often seen with her colorful track suits, styled hair, and red lipstick. Mary Ellen said the cat,
Rosie, probably tripped Helen.The housekeeper
arrived and was distraught to hear that Helen was dead.Helen had kept her on even though she didn’t
need a full-time housekeeper since her niece had moved in.The townhouse was immaculate and the
detective noted that the bed was made and the bathroom fixtures gleamed.The vanity held a soap dish and a denture
cup.He knew that Helen had recently
reported some jewelry missing.He
speculated aloud that Helen may have interrupted another robbery.When Mary Ellen heard that she claimed to not
know anything about stolen jewelry but pointed a finger at the
housekeeper.The housekeeper was stunned
that she would be accused of such a thing, started crying, and went to the
bathroom to get a tissue.While in there
she saw that the cat, Rosie, had knocked over the denture cup onto the counter top.When the detective saw the spill, he knew who
to arrest.

Crime scene:Helen’s townhouse.

Clues:The denture cup.

Suspects: Mary Ellen, the housekeeper, or some random
burglar.

Red herrings: None.

Solution:Mary Ellen wanted an advance on her
inheritance and was angry when her aunt refused.She argued with her aunt while Helen got
ready to go for her walk.Infuriated by
Helen’s refusal she pushed her aunt down the stairs.Though dressed for her walk Helen did not
have her teeth in, but Mary Ellen had not noticed. As for the stolen jewelry
last week the detective and Helen had been amused to find that the cat had
taken the sparkly gems and hidden them. Det. Phillips used the missing jewelry to
explain the ‘crime scene investigation’ and to see who jumped at the chance to
place blame.

My two cents:Well, well, well.Where do I start?

There
was the bit about the bed being made.Well, who made it?The
housekeeper hadn’t arrived yet.Was that
supposed to be a red herring?

Next Helen
said she was going to leave the door open for the housekeeper.This full-time housekeeper doesn’t have a
key?Mary Ellen couldn’t let her in?
What was the purpose of that bit of info?

So Helen did
not have her teeth in yet.Perhaps it
was the last thing she did every morning before her walk.Hardly a smoking gun.

I’m confused
about Det. Phillips using the missing jewelry to explain the ‘crime scene
investigation’. For gawd’s sake, a woman was dead.Isn’t that enough?

The story
said that Helen had kept the housekeeper on even though she didn’t need to
since her niece had moved in.Well, her
niece isn’t a housekeeper.In fact, now
the housekeeper has to clean up after two people.

The
cat accidently knocked over the denture cup?Those things are square and low and they have
a snap-on top. How do you knock that over so that it spills out onto the
counter top?If it had fallen off the
counter onto the floor maybe…

Once again
the story was not complete.You have to
read the solution, which was almost a column long, to put the pieces
together. The cat knew who the killer was and tipped off the police. Puuullleeese. Two stars.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Tag line: When
a valuable heirloom flew the coop, the sheriff was stumped!

Police characters: Sheriff Paul Marco and
Deputy Barb Grant.

The gist:At 7:00 the book club met at Shirley’s
home.The book club members were Bess
Long, Tanya Piper, Claire Hoover, Josie Burns, and Shirley Denton. The book
discussion began and at 8:30 Kenny Drake, the pizza delivery boy, arrived at
the kitchen door with the usual half-time order.Shirley left Kenny in the kitchen while she
went into the living room to collect the money for the pizza.When Shirley brought the dishes out to the
kitchen later she realized her valuable set of silver salt and pepper shakers,
in the shape of sparrows, was missing. She had dusted them just this morning. She called the police.When the sheriff questioned who else had been
in the kitchen beside Kenny, Claire said that she had used the powder room that
was just off the kitchen.Bess said that
she too had used that bathroom.Tanya
and Josie both had gone into the kitchen for sodas from the fridge.Tanya added that Shirley herself had been alone
in the kitchen several times and suggested Shirley may have hidden them herself
for the insurance money.

The sheriff drove
to the pizza shop and spoke to Kenny. A search of his person and his car
revealed nothing. After delivering the
pizza at Shirley’s house Kenny had made 5 more stops before returning to the
shop.His delivery list of names read: Denton,
Baron, Mosher, Long, Crandell and Reynolds.

The sheriff
had Kenny hop in the cruiser and they retraced his delivery route.Sheriff Marco found the sparrows.

Solution:Bess
Long paid Kenny Drake $50 to pinch the sparrows and put them in her prepaid
pizza box.Sheriff Marco found the pizza
box with the silver sparrows in it behind a bush at Bess’s home.

My two cents:I’m having déjà vu
here.Didn’t we have a story about some
guys, some salesmen or something, over to Kip’s house for football, and one of
them was a slob and had to clean up, and one of them went into the kitchen for
chips, and one guy went into the garage for something, and the pizza guy came,
and they collected the money for him, and then the host realized his Rolex
watch was missing?And it was the pizza guy.Right?November 2013, Tracie Rae’s
story.

It sounds
like this author just changed up the players a bit.And WW coughed up $500.I’m gonna start doing that.Every story that comes out I’m going to copy
(but change) and send it in. Let’s see… I
think I’ll make my story about a bunch of women who meet every week to do arts
and crafts, and I’ll have Chinese food delivery, and the delivery guy will snatch
a valuable Bedazzler and stick it in the lo mein, and then one of the ladies
will volunteer to take the rubbish out.(wink
wink) She digs into the garbage, snatches up the goods, sticks it in her pants,
and waddles home.She gets caught
because her husband now has Bedazzled hearts on his boxers.

Hey, it’s
just as good as the story that sold.

The solution
on this story was a whopping, astounding, mind boggling 130 words long.In my opinion when you have to explain
something at that length, then the story didn’t work.

Why have
Deputy Barb there?She didn’t do
anything.

I hope
Sheriff Marco got permission to search Kenny’s person and his vehicle.The cops can’t just frisk a person or look in
their car without a search warrant or the owner’s permission. I would say that
perhaps the short story just didn’t have time to add ‘with his permission’, but
I suspect the author just didn’t know any better.

The tag line
doesn’t work.It says the sheriff was
stumped, but he wasn’t.He figured it
out ‘right quick’ as they say in my area.

One
star.It was an old rehashed story.You could figure out it was Ms. Long from the
story, but adding the pizza guy on in the solution doesn’t seem fair.The solution was waaaaay too long.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Tag line: Uncle
Eli had an unhealthy diet, but was it really the doughnuts that did him in?

Police characters: Det. Delia Thorne and
her partner Det. Barker

The gist:A 911 call brings Det. Thorne and her partner
to Eli’s house where his nephew, Gage, reported he found him lying on the
floor. Thorne took photos as she surveyed the kitchen where Uncle Eli’s body
lay.There was a half-eaten doughnut on
the table along with other pastries, a frosting smeared newspaper, a cell
phone, a set of keys, a cracked coffee mug that had rolled towards the sink
leaving a trail of coffee, and a briefcase leaning against a nearby cabinet
with coffee splashes on it.The ME announced
Eli had been dead for less than one hour and could not rule out a heart attack
until further tests were done.Eli was
on heart medication and was not known to eat healthy. Eli was wealthy and a
major supporter of various wildlife organizations.In fact he had publically stated that he had
already made bequeaths for the animals.

Nephew
Settler said that Uncle Eli was fine last night and that his uncle had invited
him to go fishing this weekend.Settler
was at work when his brother called him with the news.

Nephew Gage
said that Uncle Eli had asked him to stop by this morning to talk about a fund
raiser he was planning.When Eli didn’t
answer the door Gage used his key (both brothers had a house key) and went
in.He said he found him face down on the
kitchen floor. He dropped down beside him and checked for a pulse, found none,
and called 911.He then rolled his uncle
over and tried to administer CPR.The
EMTs took over when they arrived but they could not revive Uncle Eli. Gage said
his keys and briefcase were still in the kitchen.

Det. Thorne
looked over her photos again and knew it was not a heart attack but
murder.She suspected poison and she
knew who did it.

Crime scene:Uncle Eli’s home.

Clues:Coffee spatter on the briefcase.

Suspects: The two
nephews….or his own heart.

Red herrings: His bad heart, his poor eating habits.

Solution:Gage supposedly arrived after Uncle Eli
had fallen, but his briefcase had coffee splatter which could only happen if he
were there when the man fell and dropped his coffee. Gage had gambling debts.

My two cents:If Gage had dropped to
the floor, turned over his uncle, and attempted CPR wouldn’t his clothes have
been wet from the coffee mess?The lack
of that should have been a huge clue for the detectives but it wasn’t mentioned.
Maybe it got cut.

Detectives
don’t generally take photos of the crime scene, but they can.Maybe it was a quirk of hers. I don’t think this story really needs photos
but they didn’t spoil the tale.

Seems like a
lot of people in these stories have gambling debts.That’s getting a bit old.Along with the scads of rich uncles and aunts
making their heirs wait for the money.

There was
nothing wrong with the story.It was just
okay.It wasn’t particularly entertaining or clever.The clue was quite easy.Three
stars.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Tag line: One of the firm’s employees had sticky
fingers, and Max Mann, office manager, was going to find out who it was…

Police characters: None.

The gist:Someone stole $200 of petty cash from Bea’s
side drawer while she was on coffee break.She always took her break between 10:15 and 10:30.Bea immediately reported the theft to Max,
the office manager. Max quickly determined who was in the office and who was
out in the field and began to question the three possible perps.He asked accounts payable clerk, Annabeth,
where she had been for the last half hour.She said she had been at her desk working all morning and as a new
employee she hoped he was happy with her work.Next he visited the Sid the salesman’s office. When asked if he knew
anything about missing petty cash the salesman showed Max his telephone which
showed he was on a sales call from 10:13 to 10:32.The last person he asked, Leslie the
accounting manager, didn’t respond well to what she saw as an accusation and
said she was nowhere near Bea’s desk this morning, then added, “Why doesn’t Bea
put the money in a locked drawer anyway?”

After
speaking with the three possible suspects, Max knew who did it.

Crime scene:Office.

Clues:The time of the theft.

Suspects: The
three employees, Annabeth, Sid, and Leslie.

Red herrings: Annabeth had no real alibi.Leslie knew the money was in an unlocked
drawer.

Solution:Max never mentioned the time of the theft,
but Sid the salesman immediately knew what it was and had created himself an
alibi with the phone call.Sid admitted
that his commissions were light and he needed the money.

My two cents:Although this was a
simplistic tale with an easy clue I found it entertaining because of the
style.Author Long captured a film noir flavor
with this piece.

“I shoved a
chair out with my foot, shut the office door with my hand. My office is that
small, my responsibilities that large. I’m Max Mann, the firm’s office manager, the
one they all come to with problems.”

I can almost
see Max with the sleeves rolled up on his crumpled white shirt, in need of a
haircut, with an overflowing ashtray on his desk.Great characterization.I’ll even overlook the trite ‘a light bulb
switched on’ because it fits the style of the tale.

Long used the
ever popular three-suspect pattern and inserted red herrings.The piece was well written. I couldn’t find
any errors of any sort. I’m inclined to
give it 5-stars for the interesting twist to an old story format.

Mom on my porch, doing the same jigsaw puzzle she does every day.

Kayla, my granddaughter. :)

NEW: Welcome Switzerland. My 58,000th hit!

Total Pageviews

78 Pages full of tips. Click on cover for link. Only $1.99.

Editors can spot a new writer. Sound advice on how to look like a pro, with tips to fool the editors and get your piece in the door and on an editor's desk. After that, it's all up to your voice. Includes common pitfalls to avoid, ways to improve and produce fresh writing, and polishing techniques from someone who has been in your typing chair. Not a textbook. Not a tutorial. Just a collection of down-to-earth, practical, easy to understand examples on how to improve your writing.

Fast, Fun and Felonious Romance

CLICK ON BOOK. "If I knew then what I know now I would have put clowns on my wedding cake." - from Playing Dead

Translate

Cover

Viewers of this blog are from 105 countries and 6 of the 7 continents.

Cover

Every Wednesday

Want help with your story?

My day job puts me in contact with real cops, detectives, FBI agents and DEA guys. I have worked thousands of cases from the homeless guy on the Metrorail who got arrested for jumping the turnstile -- that’s right, arrested for not having a quarter -- to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who strangled hookers along the famous trail in Miami. I produce court transcripts for a living.

Who better to look at your mystery stories to see if the police procedures are true, the clues are solid and the whole thing works? I will not hesitate to point out the good, the bad and the ugly in your story. Both of my WW mysteries made it to Johnene. From there? Cross your fingers.

The line-by-line edit, which also includes grammar, spelling and proofing, will offer suggestions on how to improve problem spots. The cost is $29 payable by PayPal. 72-hour turn around time.

I’ll also take a second look once you’ve revamped your story, but this time I’ll only look for glaring errors assuming all the details you chose to put in you want to stay in.

Send your story as a Word e-mail attachment to ladyrprter at aol dot com, and the fee to PayPal using ladyrprter at aol dot com for the payee

Your tag line is the hook that gets someone interested in reading your work. It's one of the most important lines of your story. Take time to make it sparkle.

Criminals don't always think the crime through--especially if the crime is one of passion or revenge--but don't have them make stupid or stilly mistakes just to get your story written. Make the mistakes something that you just normally don't think about. Like the pruning skin in this story.

You don't always have to have crime scene details to make a mystery story work. Cozy mysteries sell well if you make the characters interesting.

Once again WW chose a story with a female cop and little old ladies. Just remember to use the proper words for the crimes and before you say things like, he jimmied the lock, understand just what that is.

You've only got 700 words. Make them count. Don't waste words on things that don't matter. And NEVER give a clue and then later in the solution change it to the opposite. That's not fair. Just how is the reader supposed to figure it out then?

There are many ways to lay out the solve-it-yourself story. You don't always have to have the reader guess who the perp is. This week's story was presented with a fresh angle. We knew who did it. The question was did she cover her tracks well enough to fool the police?

As writers we often ask the reader to suspend disbelief a bit, but don't overdo it. Keep it as real as you can or you'll lose the reader.

If you have four suspects, have four good motives. Otherwise what's the point in having four suspects? It is almost a sin to have four suspects and not have even one decent red herring in the bunch. That's just a waste of words.

When the reader expects one situation, and gets another, that's really a form of a red herring. I expected a tired old theory and was given the surprise of a fresh twist. As the reader I was tricked...and that's a good thing.

When you reuse characters be sure to make them interesting and likable. Being cranky is not the same as being interesting. Be careful to not let one of them become mean. It's hard to like someone who calls people names and teases them about their not so glorious past.

Don't introduce a main character too late in the story. The reader feels cheated.

You don't always have to have police involved for a mystery to work. Be realistic if you are going to use animals in your story. Lassie wasn't real.

Write in more than one good motive. Two or three people could have done it, but only one has the means and opportunity to go with that motive.

I realize you only have 700 words to get in your story, but use every one of those words wisely. Don't repeat to fill the space. If your story is really done in 350 words, your story is too simple.

Try not to use the same old tired solutions. We're writers. Come up with something new and interesting. Treat the readers to a challenge. If I see one more muddy footprint on a white carpet...I'm going to hurt somebody.

Readers like to follow the same characters. Once you sell a mystery to WW, try building up a following by using the same police characters in future stories. Do us all a favor though... make them likable.

I know I'm repeating myself (talk about deja vu) but please try your very best to come up with a fresh twist or interesting solution that hasn't been done before. We want WW readers to LOVE this mystery page...not become bored with it.

Don't use too many names in your story. It just confuses the reader. The story this week handled this extremely well. You knew who you were reading about from the character's description. It all flowed well and never pulled the reader out of the story.

A short story is really just a very short novel. The same rules apply. Give us characters we will love and care about. Don't have them doing silly things.

Once again we have someone not acting right. Check your facts. Check your facts. Check your facts. Did I mention you should ALWAYS check your facts? Getting the details right should just be a given.

Make sure the solution makes sense. Common sense. Put yourself in their shoes. What would you do? Think? How would you act? Don't throw in a rotten fish just for smell.

Know the proper use of words. Men don't leer at each other -- generally. lol. Don't make up a silly details to fit your story line. Make sure everything works and people act in character.

UPDATE: Woman's World has changed their rights clause.

Q: It used to be WW had FNSR, first rights with a 6-month clause. Has that changed?

A: Yes. It used to be first serial rights which meant the magazine had the right to be the first place to publish the article/story/ poem in North America (USA and Canada) and after the piece ran, you were free to resell it to another medium or to package a collection of your work into a book.

However in 2014 Bauer Publishing has changed to this:

License to Bauer Publishing for User Content. You grant to Bauer Publishing the unrestricted, unconditional, non-exclusive, unlimited, worldwide, irrevocable, perpetual and royalty-free right and license to host, use, copy, distribute, reproduce, disclose, sell, re-sell, sub-license, display, perform, transmit, publish, broadcast, modify, reformat, translate, archive, store, cache or otherwise exploit in any manner whatsoever, all or any portion of your User Content for any purpose whatsoever in all formats; on or through any media, software, formula or medium now known or hereafter developed; and with any technology or devices now known or hereafter developed and to advertise, market and promote the same.

About Me

Following sixteen years as a travel agent (more travel than money) Jody Lebel switched gears, returned to school and became a court reporter (more money than travel). She swapped jetting off to fun and exotic locations for reporting the cases of murderers, rapists, and thieves who are, by the way, almost never in a good mood. Being assigned to the chief judge in Broward County exposed her to a wide spectrum of cases; from funny to tragic to bizarre to downright creepy. She has reported everything from a homeless guy who had jumped the turnstile on the Metrorail and was now in jail for not having a quarter, to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who murdered six women. ******
Contact me at ladyrprter at aol dot com

Woman's World Info ...

In 1981, Heinrich Bauer Verlag of Hamburg, West Germany, one of Europe's largest magazine publishers, entered America's highly competitive women's service magazine field when it launched the weekly Woman's World. The magazine quickly set itself apart from the rest of the pack. Other women's magazines of the day were mostly thick slick tomes bursting with ads, and featuring articles geared to upwardly mobile readers. Woman's World, on the other hand, offered a high-quality tabloid-style format light on ads that was aimed at middle-class moms who wanted practical advice on food, fashion, parenting, and beauty and health tips. The public soon took notice. Woman's World quickly became the most popular weekly women's magazine in the country.

Today, Bauer Publishing USA, headquartered in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, is the number one seller of magazines on newsstands in the United States, generating an annual $320 million dollars in single copy revenue. It publishes two of the top five selling titles on the newsstand-Woman's World and In Touch Weekly. For several years running, Woman's World, a fixture at supermarket checkout stands everywhere, was the most popular newsstand magazine of any kind. As it celebrates its 25th anniversary in 2006, Woman's World remains the #1 selling women's publication on newsstands, selling more than 77 million copies in 2004. First for Women, another Bauer publication was second in sales with 25 million. Far back in the pack in third place was Woman's Day, with sales of 16 million newsstand copies.

Woman's World celebrated its 25th year on the newstands in 2006. This weekly publication is the number one newsstand seller with a yearly circulation of well over 84 million. Don't underestimate this little magazine. Woman's World is very popular with middle class women for many reasons. The price is nice, at $1.79 and it has very few ads and none of those annoying subscription cards inside. Every single page is jam packed with information and the romantic fiction and a solve-it-yourself mystery are a nice bonus. The features makes you feel good too.

Woman's World Fiction Guidelines

WOMAN'S WORLD FICTION GUIDELINES Mini mystery guidelines: We purchase short "solve-it-yourself" mysteries of 700 words--a count that includes the narrative and the solution. Stories should be cleverly plotted, entertaining cliffhangers that end with a challenge to the reader to figure out “whodunit” or “howdunit.” The solution to the mystery is provided in a separate box.Robbery, burglary, fraud and murder are acceptable subjects, but spare the readers any gory details or excessive violence, please! We are also not interested in ghost stories, science fiction or fantasy.We pay $500 per mystery and retain all rights after publication.IMPORTANT NOTES:Manuscripts should be double-spaced in legible size type.Where to send manuscripts:

If you have not previously been published by Woman's World magazine: Fiction@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention If you have had a romance or mini-mystery published by Woman's World:FictionPro@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention

Get to know us: Please familiarize yourself thoroughly with our romances and mini mysteries before submitting your work.Be patient: Because we receive a tremendous volume of manuscripts, our turnaround time may range from one to three months. If you still have not heard from us after four months, feel free to submit your manuscript t another publisher. Please do not call or write us to inquire about a manuscript's status.

My track record --

I took Kate Willoughby's workshop on how to write for Woman's World magazine. I highly recommend it. Go to her blogspot site at womansworldstyle.blogspot.com for more info.

Then I sat down and wrote my first romance story for WW. That was in July 2012. It sold in November 2012 and appeared in the December 31st issue.