Swinton: four adult, two child household is healthy

Tilda Swinton is baffled by interest in her friendship with her ex-partner – because she’s convinced it’s possible to “love people you’re not sleeping with”.

The Oscar winner has 12-year-old twins with playwright John Byrne, but has been enjoying a romance with German boyfriend Sandro Kopp, 18 years her junior, for the last few years.

Swinton is still friendly with Byrne and his new girlfriend – and the four adults even live together at her home in Scotland. But she refuses to believe that the domestic set-up is unconventional, and maintains it is healthy for the twins, Honor and Xavier, to have four caring adults in their lives.

She says, “(The kids are) quadruply loved! Listen, what I find really amusing, although I’m not really aware of people’s fantasies about us, but the thing that bemuses and amuses me, is that people assume that we’re not talking about two monogamous relationships. Of course we are. John Byrne and I had these two extraordinary children together and couldn’t be happier about it. We haven’t been together as a couple for many years, since which time we both happily engaged in other relationships.”

“And all of us just really like each other. Please tell me that’s not really unusual, please tell me lots of people live in this way. Whenever people tell me it’s extraordinary, it saddens my heart because it makes it sound like acrimony is the norm. That people not getting on with the parents of their children is the norm. Well, I don’t believe it is. I think countless families live like we do, and life goes on. It’s perfectly possible to love people you’re not sleeping with. Everyone knows that.”