No penis pumping for Papuan plod

Papuans whose todgers have been unnaturally enhanced are as of right now barred from joining the police on the grounds that such members are a "hindrance during training".

According to local media, Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto confirmed that an aspiring plod "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged".

He added: "If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military."

A sexologist explained to the Jakarta Globe that locals wishing to acquire a more impressive appendage wrap their wedding tackle in leaves from the gatal-gatal (itchy) tree, causing it to expand "like it has been stung by a bee".

The Papuan police did not explain quite how they deal with those applicants who are naturally talented in the trouser department. ®