I broke my TOE! HOLY SHIT! Oh wait -- WAIT! Ok, I fixed it.

So tonight I seriously thought I broke my big toe. And I feel like sharing.

Background: Since I can remember, I've had an odd ability to, on occasion, accidently stretch my toes out of alignment. Don't get me wrong here -- what I'm talking about has nothing to do with "popping" knuckles or joints. It's more like when someone's shoulder comes out of the socket and someone has to pull and pop it back into place -- usually a doctor in the ER. Well sometimes (not often) when my feet are super sore and I'm stretching my toes, the second two toes on my right foot will get out of alignment. It hurts and they get stuck -- well, stuck in the sense that I've no longer got the ability to move them -- and I can't really feel them either. It's not as gross as it sounds -- it's kinda cool, actually. It usually fascinates me more than it hurts. And until tonight, I've never even given it a second thought.

Of course it has almost always just happened with the second 2 toes on my right foot. It might have happened to other toes before, I'm not positive -- but mostly those two. Now that I think of it, it's probably because I've broken those toes each twice at least (along with most of the other toes on that foot at one time or another). I've also had the second toe stabbed clean through with a steak knife -- it still bears the scar.

Tonight, though, was a bit different. I was in a dressing room trying on swimsuits. I'd been wearing shoes all day so I took the opportunity to stretch my toes. My big toe was hurting and then all the sudden it hurt a lot more. I recognized the feeling as the pop-out thing -- and casually looked down to check it out. What I saw was not my little toes "stuck." What I saw was my big toe TOTALLY out of alignment. Dude, your foots not supposed to bend like that -- not at all. It was all twisted and to the side BELOW my second toe. I believe my exact words were something like. "Fuck. FUCK! Oh shit! Shit! Shit shit shit shit." Then there was hopping and racing thoughts.

I thought I was gonna have to go to the ER. I was sure I must have just broken it. My mind was already racing about how stupid this was and how was I gonna get to the hospital -- and lord help, I'm not even wearing my pants -- and what if I have to wear one of those big goofy shoes? Keep in mind these thoughts were all racing through in the midst of the cursing and hopping in the 30-or-so seconds it took me to grab my foot and "fix it."