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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I Am a Procrastinator!

One day I will become comfortable with that fact.

Lately I have felt like a bad blogger by not checking in with the beauties I follow as along with not posting all that often. Now I sit in front of my computer not knowing what I should be posting about. Really, I should be studying... but I can't bring myself to do it right now.

Ever since I could remember, I've always procrastinated with studying and other school-related tasks. Waiting until the last moment to read and make the appropriate notes is my trade mark in school. In high school I didn't do so well in some classes like math and science, they weren't something I pull off good marks with last minute cramming. Everything else I did well enough in. Thankfully I don't do anything close to math or science in my job now, and intuitively get the material needed to do a good job. Additionally, I'm thankful that my employer doesn't mind me using a calculator/Excel or Google when needed.

In the beginning of February, I started the month full of energy. I promised myself to wake up with a positive attitude and try confident self-talk. I promised to not let work get me down and to not leave homework to the last minute. It's only been eight days into this short month and I already feel exhausted. I keep telling myself that I need to take it one day at a time... but it's hard.

Being positive & confident is hard.

What's most frustrating is that I know therapy techniques and that I do have the means of changing... But for whatever reason my brain just won't let that rational side take over the emotional side. And I know that the emotional part of the brain can be more powerful than the rational cognitive part.... But urg! That's the point that I'm at right now... "Urg".

11
comments:

Just want to let you know I follow all your posts and commend you on your honesty and the way you confront the feelings that plague so many people. It seems like an upward battle a lot of the time, but if you keep progressing and moving forward you will be able to kick any nasty habits of self-doubt you have. x

Yes, delaying action is a problem but, in the grander scheme, your willingness to confront that and care about its effect on your life is more important. You appear to be healing yourself in vital ways. Don't give up hope and take pride in your efforts. I admire you, buddy!

I'm the same exact way!! I do my best work at the last minute - always have and am not sure why. I don't mean to sound like it's an excuse, but some people are just built that way. Sometimes something just has to "click" inside and then you're ready to do it, and it comes out better then.

I feel like you're just on the threshold of some major breakthroughs. You're teetering on the edge and getting yourself ready for it! This part of it is just as important as the actual jump. It will happen when it clicks. It's okay to be patient with yourself. You don't have to be perfect at allowing yourself not to be perfect. ;)

When did Blogger start up a "replying to comments" option?! First time I've seen this! I've been trying out a new commenting widget called Intense Debate (partly to enable that option) and am still "debating" whether or not I want to use it. Hmm...

Thanks Jenarcissist @ the closet narcissist it's nice to know that there's others out there proud to be pulling all nighters to get a project done. I hope to be coming to a breakthrough soon... it feels like a long time coming. But I'm scared to have my hopes crushed... so I never put 100% into "getting better" because I know a "crash" is around the corner.

For the [Reply to comment] I You Tubed it.. then googled html codes... there was a site I found with easy step by steps. So easy I forget now. But I can find them if you are interested.

Shybiker, thank you for your comment & encouragement. It really means a lot to me. xo I'm hoping to keep up the hard work... and it is really helpful to have a release such as blogging... it's just so much more reinforcing then writing in my diary.

Thanks Ashley McConnell your encouragement means a lot. It really saddens me how prevalent these negative thoughts & body image is in people. But I must admit that it feels good to finally be honest. I haven't been able to be 100% open with everyone in my life... but I'm getting there. Then again, maybe some mystery with work colleagues could be a good thing.

PS: I'm glad to see you blogging again... I missed your photographs, creativity and wit.

Positive self-talk can be the most challenging (but most rewarding)thing to do. You are already on the right path- why not write down something that you like about yourself whenever you get a cahnce?I find it helful to see things on paper and then repeat a manta. My favourite is "I'm a fierce and fabulous lady who deserved happiness" ;) Oh and I'm totally a procrastinator- I don't know how I did well in uni! xo Em

being positive and confident is hard, I think it has a lot to do with who you surround yourself with. there are a lot of people I've met whom I don't keep in contact with because all they bring is negativity or make me feel negative. and yeah I procrasinate too, like right now when I should be cleaning the house! lol