The Drinking Dame: It

As if 2016 wasn’t already stressful enough, people keep talking about freaky clowns lurking about, waiting to lure innocent children into a web of lies and then…eat them probably? Given that Halloween is fast approaching and clowns apparently terrify a vast majority of the world’s population, we decided to watch the classic creepy clown story: IT. The book was written by Stephen King in the ’80s, and although exactly zero people you will ever meet have read it, we all some reason know about the freaky clown thing. Several Minerva staff members recalled being traumatized by the made-for-TV miniseries of the book so we decided, why not? Let’s see if we all get terrified.

And if you don’t get terrified, at least you can get very drunk.

Minerva Surgeon General’s warning: This movie is three hours long and about as ridiculous as only something made in 1990 can be. If you follow these rules, you will get super drunk. But it will also mean that you won’t mind all the bad acting and filler so much.

Drink anytime:

You see early ‘90s fashion and go WHOA

Bill writes, talking about writing, or the movie reminds you he’s a writer

The child actors annoy you

A balloon appears

Pennywise says, “We all float down here.”

You are distracted by Bill’s truly terrible ponytail

You are annoyed at how the movie portrays women

You are jarred back to reality or laugh out loud at the cheesy visual effects and sound effects

There’s a flashback (use your discretion on this one–there are many)

You see a phone with a cord

Richie annoys the everloving crap out of you by being an unfunny douche

Pennywise laughs like a goon

The bullies are completely ridiculous

Finish your drink during the library scene in honor of Tim Curry having the best day on set ever.

Waterfall while the camera continually spins in circles during the dinner scene at the Chinese restaurant.

But most of all, stay safe! And consider following up your viewing of IT with Rocky Horror Picture Show, Clue, or Muppet Treasure Island. Because once you have a taste of Tim Curry, it’s awfully hard to stop.

As a special treat, please enjoy a slideshow by Katy:

Happy Halloween, and for the love of God, stay far away from strangers lurking in storm drains.