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Irreverent Jokes – Issue #102

The Irreverent Joke Page

From Issue #102

Believing it is important for people to be able to laugh at themselves, this is a continuing feature in Backwoods Home Magazine. We invite readers to submit any jokes they would like to share to BHM, P.O. Box 712, Gold Beach, OR 97444. Jokes may also be submitted online to Please enable javascript to view email address. There is no payment for jokes used.

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Florida Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was reluctant to pay the high prices the vendors were asking.

She shouted at one of the shopkeepers, “Well, then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free.”

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, “Little lady, just go and give it a try!”

The blonde headed toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots the same blonde woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then he spots a huge 9-foot alligator swimming rapidly towards her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the critter, and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead critters all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blond struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out, “Damn…this one’s barefoot too!”

The tribal wisdom of the Lakota Sioux, passed on from generation to generation, says: “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, you should dismount.” However, in government, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buy a stronger whip.

2. Change riders.

3. Appoint a committee to study the horse.

4. Arrange to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh S…!”

Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully.

If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.

Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman.”

“Oh yeah,” said Eddie. “And how did this one end?”

“When it was over,” Harvey replied, “she came to me on her hands and knees.”