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A few weeks ago when journaling I felt like I wanted to write down the things that I know to be true so I can keep coming back and read them again and again and especially when I have a bad day/week/month

I figured I’d share it with you just in case you might be having a not so great day/week/month and so you can come back here anytime you’d want to read it 😉 Here’s what I know to be true right now:

Life is short, unexpected, sometimes unfair, challenging but at the same time so wonderful – embrace it fully and just live, take one day at the time and be grateful to just be

You are loved and supported by the Universe even when you think you’re not

Gravity is real and eventually will affect you too. You might as well love & accept your body now ….not 10 years from now

Suffering is as much part of life as happiness is – embrace it and learn from you suffering – you need the negatives to develop

Giving yourself a hard time, being judgemental and self critical won’t bring you any joy, so cut yourself some slack, will you?

Letting go more often and not taking yourself too seriously is a great skill to have – build a habit to let go more often, you might like it 🙂

Looking after yourself and appreciating your amazing body is one way you can aid your body in the ageing process. Don’t put too much crap in but when you do, don’t be yourself up…eat the friggin’ cake!

Surrounding yourself with positive people will bring you joy

Being curious and not losing your child like naivety will help you learn more and stay open minded

Focusing on what you have rather than what you don’t have puts things in a different perspective – Practise gratitude daily

You can’t control people, situations, outcomes and so on – all you can control is how you behave – but that’s not always guaranteed. So you might as well accept what is

Playing more will bring you joy

Saying NO more often creates space for yourself which in turn will make you happy

Constantly bettering oneself is the way forward – incremental progress is better than no progress

You can’t please everyone and that’s okay

Certainty suppresses growth

Not all people are meant to be in your life forever – accept it

Talking about acceptance – the sooner your accept the situations in your life, the quicker you’ll navigate through your troubles

Love comes from within, stop looking for it outside yourself

People will disappoint you, not always on purpose – so don’t hold grudges – Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have

Do you ever struggle to make decisions? Do other people’s opinions tend to sway your decision making? Do you sometimes drive yourself nuts with the list of pros and cons only to end up more confused that you were in first place? You’re not alone!

Whenever we experience any sort of dilemma – emotional, job related, relationship related, who do we vote for, etc. we usually have conflicting ideas. Most times it seems logical to create a list of pros and cons and I must admit I quite like this approach. But when so many emotions and other external factors are involved in the decision making, I find it useful to tune in and see what my “gut” is saying. Even when everyone else around will say one thing but my gut says another, I tend to go with my “gut”. The way I justify it in my head is: I’d rather make my own mistakes than blame it on other people. Simply put, it is a way of accepting responsibility for your own decisions.

Plus, from a scientific perspective, our quick, instinctual, and often subconscious way of operating – is controlled by our right brain and by other parts of our brain that have been around since prehistoric times, known as the “limbic” and reptilian” parts of our brain. Researchers argue that this part of our brain knows the answer to a particular dilemma way before our left, more analytical part of the brain does.

This is all fine and good but if you’re used to ignore your intuition how can you learn to trust it? When we feel really stuck we tend to say “I don’t know what you do”. I can definitely say from my own experience that we always know what to do but are scared to admit it even to ourselves, let alone to the whole world.

Here’s a few things that I found most helpful when it comes to dealing with difficult decisions and that most importantly can help you tune in and learn how to listen to your intuition.

1. Step away from the problem

Take some time away, sleep on it and really try to disconnect for a bit so the answer ‘comes’ to you. Most times, our answers will come from stillness. Focus on how it makes you feel. Things that I find helpful are going for walks in nature, practicing yoga, meditation or exercise but if none of these are your cup of tea think about all the things that usually calm you down and you enjoy doing. Maybe a long bath, reading a good book, sipping a funky tea or a nice coffee, daydreaming, whatever it is, make time to clear your heard and step away from the problem. Essentially, what you’re aiming for is to find some quiet space to let your mind wonder so your intuitive voice can be heard.

2. Be honest with yourself

It’s easy to push away your feelings and shove them under the carpet, especially when you have to make a tough decision but ultimately you’re in charge of your own happiness. I really like this quote by Jerzy Gregorek “Hard choices, Easy Life – Easy choices, Hard Life” which implies that in order to have an easy life, you’ll need to make some tough calls. Think about how much relief you feel after you’ve made a tough choice! Letting go of that toxic relationship/friendship, doing what you really want and putting yourself first, accepting a situation for what it is without trying so hard to change it etc.

That moment you acknowledge any sort of unsettling feelings, tune in and don’t run away is when you know you’re ‘home’ . I know, it feels uncomfortable but it’s the only way you can hope to make change happen. Use these feelings as your guide and don’t be scared to act on it.

3. Journal your thoughts

I can’t think of a safer space to release emotions and process my thoughts other than journaling. I’ve been practicing it for a while now (and no I don’t do it on a daily basis..yet 🙂 though I’ve been planning to do so this month) but I found it to be very helpful when it comes to really tuning in. Furthermore, it’s a great way to understand yourself more and grow from there. Try it out next time you’re finding it difficult to make a decision. Let the words to the job for you so to speak. I find it really beneficial when it comes to removing certain blocks too. Moreover, you will notice that eventually your intuitive voice will lead the way.

I want to leave you with this exercise from Tim Ferriss which focuses on acknowledging worst case scenarios and fear setting rather than focusing on goal setting. Quite often we are scared to listen to our intuition for fear of being seen for who we truly are or for fear of being judged. I recently got reminded of how fragile, short and unexpected life is…We never know when the last conversation with a loved one might happen or what is the last thing we’ll do before we’re gone. I don’t want to end on a morbid note but rather make you ponder on this and encourage you to make those tough calls you’ve been postponing.

What’s one thing you’ve been ignoring but know deep down you would like to pursue?

As always, would love to hear from you, so pop your answer in the comments below 😉

Have you ever made a mistake you thought was so bad you couldn’t forgive yourself? So bad your weren’t able to move on and might even got depressed about it? Why are we so hard on ourselves? What’s the “acceptable” time frame that needs to get by before we forgive ourselves or before we are worthy of forgiveness?

I was recently having this conversation with a friend and made me realise that we are such control freaks and always want to know that we are doing the right thing. And we go onto setting unrealistic goals, being way too hard on ourselves and judging ourselves way too much. I find it painful to hear someone saying “I am so stupid or I am such an idiot, I can’t believe I did that”.

It’s like you can’t let go and forgive yourself for snapping, getting into an argument, making a fool of yourself, sending that email with ONE misspell, eating a whole chocolate when all you wanted was a piece (I am guilty of eating a whole tub of ice cream, so I know how you feel!). Of course, there’s the “bigger mistakes”: you didn’t get that well paid job, failed to have a profitable business, said those hurtful words to your partner or your kids, weren’t there for a friend in need, stayed in the wrong relationship for too long etc.

No matter how big or small the mistake is you simply can’t forgive yourself or it takes forever before you do, right? I used to spend months giving myself a hard time for choices I made in the past and just couldn’t let go or had a really hard time forgiving myself. All of this changed when I started to implement the things that I want to share with you today.

In the hope that this can help you too, here’s what I found most useful:

1. Accept yourself and your flaws

Know that the way you are now in your perfectly imperfect shape is right where you’re supposed to be. Making mistakes doesn’t make you less worthy. The things that you consider defects are your unique quirks that make you different, so embrace your crazy quirky ways! Plus, you’re on a path of growth, constantly learning and evolving. Failing is just a natural part of the learning process. If you wouldn’t go through this, it will simply mean that you’re not growing or learning anything new.

I always like to ask myself this question: “If I don’t fully love and accept myself now with my flaws and all, would I love myself in 10, 20, 30 years?” The answer is always NO. Which begs another question: “Are you willing to spend the next 10, 20, 30 years of your life wallowing in self-pity or are you going to choose to grow?” I sure as hell know that I definitely want to grow!

Next time you’re about to kick yourself for a silly mistake you made, I want you to ask this question.

2. Remind yourself that you’re not a bad person

Guilt and shame can make you feel like you’re a bad person. You can do something wrong but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You need to realise that there’s a huge difference between doing a bad thing and being a bad person. At the time when you did that “bad” thing, you probably had a good reason for acting that way. You maybe thought that was the best choice in that given moment. Even if in retrospect it doesn’t make sense, just let go of any expectations. You didn’t do something bad because you were a bad person there was an intent, a motivation behind it (I always wonder why did I think having a whole ice cream tub would be a good idea. I then remember it felt great whilst binge watching Netflix!)

I guess what I am trying to say is this: Cut yourself some slack 😉

3. Talk about how you feel

It’s always good to share how you fell with close friends, a therapist or someone else who can provide an unbiased opinion or different perspective. When you are upset at yourself emotions can cloud your judgement. A friend or someone qualified for that matter, will offer a different perspective, will maybe point out a solution that didn’t occur to you or might even relate to the same struggle. Most times we just need to hear we are not alone in this. Being reassured that we are a good person can have a massive impact when we’re in that frame of mind.

4. Always do the friend test (this is definitely my favourite!)

Would you talk to a friend in the horrible, hurtful way you talk to yourself? I am pretty sure the answer is NO. Imagine your best friend had done exactly what you did and then came to you for advice. What would you tell them? You would most likely reassure them and tell them not to be so hard on themselves. You would tell them that everyone makes mistakes and they deserve to be forgiven Why can’t you say this to yourself?

Forgiving yourself is far more challenging than forgiving someone else because you must live with yourself and your thoughts 24/7. Despite the challenge, emotionally healthy people must have the capacity to forgive themselves when they have made a mistake. Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean that you’re pretending it never happened. Quite the opposite, you are acknowledging that your actions have consequences. But the consequences don’t need to include self-inflicted negative feelings. If you forgive yourself when you make a mistake, it’s easier to address the consequences of your action in a productive way.

Do you know what the secret to forgiving yourself is?

As Erin Pavlina puts it: Take responsibility for your actions, but don’t let your perceived failure bury you. When you fail or make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up. Raise your vibration, become more resourceful, and ask for help when you need it. Give yourself the forgiveness you so willingly give to others.

YOU ARE WORTHY OF FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself that acknowledges you’re human. You can’t always prevent failure, but you can always forgive yourself for failing.

What’s one thing you just couldn’t forgive yourself for but you can do so today? (pop it in the comments below)

If you know me a little bit or have read my stuff so far you probably know that I am a recovering perfectionist.

This transition started a few years back when I came across Brené Brown and her “Gifts of imperfection”. However, it wasn’t up until recently (more in the last year or so) that I have embraced my imperfections fully. Saying that, if I am completely honest, I do have days of relapse and procrastination …oops! But that’s okay…after all, I am not perfect!

If you, like me, have struggled with being a perfectionist or are struggling right now, you know that perfectionism’s best friend is procrastination. Well, hello there, let’s grow old and happy together! And old you will grow…not sure about the happy part…

You and I both know that you live in a constant state of procrastination because ..well how can you move forward? It needs to be perfect before you do.

You see, when you need everything to be perfect, perfectly organised and everything needs to go according to plan, it can get very overwhelming. Not to mention stressful! You live with this constant fear: the image you create around you has to be perfect but what if it’s not? Most of times, this is how you are perceived: Perfect

But not in your head…because if it’s not YOUR standard of PERFECT, is not good enough!

If you want to live your life in a constant state of stress, then kudos to you…definitely on the right track! But if you’re hoping for a chilled & happy pathway then you’re stuck. Let’s face it, as much as we love adrenaline, we need our quiet moments too…to recharge if nothing more!

Here’s few reasons why I find the mantra progression over perfectionso liberating:

It implies you’re a work in progress and constantly working at bettering yourself. This is what I personally seek in life

It implies you’re constantly learning and growing

You go through life overcoming your fears even when it’s the last thing you would want to do

You don’t have to have a perfectly clean home all the time and that’s okay – if people want to judge you for it, it’s on them, not on you!

It takes so much pressure of you & it helps you focus on the things that really truly matter…Hello Gratitude!

It forces you to be less judgemental of yourself and others (which let’s admit comes in handy as it’s hard not to judge most times!)

It teaches you compassion and understanding of one self first and foremost & of others

Life is messy, there’s always situations out of your control, just let go!

You’ll have more fun (I know you’re probably wondering: How?) because letting go equals accepting that sometimes is just is what it is…full stop!

Acceptance and self-acceptance are a great learning curve

And of course hello Adaptability (great skill to have, take my word for it!)

Most of all …you’ll progress, because Done trumps Perfect any day, every day, every time!

And…

Imagine how freaking liberating it is to just let go?

If you too are struggling with this, there’s one simple thing you too can start applying today and that is …*drum rolls* …learning to let go

Of…

you expectations

your ego

your judgement

perfect outcomes & things that go according to plan always

a world where everyone is acting the way you expect them to

having the expectation to always say the right thing, do a perfect job & never make mistakes

Fear is excitement without the breath. Here’s what this intriguing statement means: the very same mechanisms that produce excitement also produce fear, and any fear can be transformed into excitement by breathing fully with it. (Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap)

Who knew? Fear is excitement without the breath. Now, we can all take a step back and face our fears because it’s actually excitement…Simple! My work here is done. Can you sense my sarcasm already?

I cringe every time I hear myself saying “Get out of your comfort zone” and funny enough I’ve realised I say this a lot (not a hypocrite I swear!). I guess it’s just a concept so embedded in us that it has become yet another overused cliché. I have a theory that we don’t apply the most obvious things on a daily basis because we clearly “know” them so well, hence, there’s no need for them.

When I first started writing my articles and newsletters I was so scared. I had postponed for years and years because …”Who am I to give advice?” “What if people won’t like me anymore?” “What if people will judge or ridicule me?” “What if I am not enough?” (wasn’t even considering that no one will read my posts at first except my friends and family haha). And these are just a few. I am pretty sure if you’re a 100% honest with yourself you can relate to at least one of two of those fears but maybe in a different context.

As a recovering perfectionist, it took me years to overcome this fear of not being ENOUGH (don’t get fooled, I am still working on it!). Nothing I ever did was good enough. Till one day, last year, when I had this epiphany: “If I am not good enough now, I will never be because all I am doing is procrastinating and being afraid to show up as myself. Thus, I am not progressing and I am stopping myself from becoming my best version. If am not enough now will I be enough when I am 50?” I highly doubted it.

This was the catalyst to challenge myself as often as I could and take micro bravery steps every day to overcome my fears. And here’s a few things I found helpful:

First you need to be AWARE

It’s very easy to think that you are your fears and your experiences but that couldn’t be further from the truth. You are not your fears, you are the awareness that experiences it. What’s one thing you’re afraid of right now in this moment? After you create this awareness, you need to identify and get curious about your fears. Get specific, look at the pictures in your head, listen to your inner GPS: What’s scaring you? What’s happening exactly? Where do you feel fear? What generates these fears?

(I.e. It can be that you’re feeling shame, you’re scared of being judged, ridiculed, you’re afraid to show up with authenticity as you think no one will like you, you’re afraid you won’t achieve your goals, you’re afraid of failure etc.)

Once you established this, all you can do is focus on the now, this is the only moment that exists. You have no control over how the future is going to develop and sure as hell can’t change the past. Realise that what you have now, where you are now it’s exactly where you should be. You can grow and expand from here, provided you allow yourself to experience the now for what it is.

Practice gratitude, daily!

I find that practicing gratitude on a daily basis changes your perception on life dramatically. If you constantly focus on the lack, the scarcity, negativity, it is very easy to get disconnected. Once you start practicing gratitude on a daily basis you will realise that you already have the tools within. Say you’re scared of trying a dance class or yoga class. If you focus on being grateful for having the opportunity to try it out in first place, for having a body that will allow you to do that, you will instantly become grateful.

Start looking at reasons you’re grateful for in every situation that is scary at first. Download my “Practise gratitude” freebie here and start reaping the benefits of this practice today. I promise you this is one of the most powerful practices and if you incorporate this into your daily (even weekly) routine, it will save you so much unnecessary suffering.

Journal your fears

Once you release your fears out in the Universe or put then on a piece of paper you will realise that some of them might be so silly it will make you laugh. You might have others that require more work but you are creating the awareness which is the starting point. If you don’t release these fears, you can become so caught up in your negative thoughts. As you know our minds like to trick us into believing that our fears are actually true. Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, share these fears especially with like minded individuals that are willing to listen and help. It will bring new perspectives and will help release those preconceptions, judgements and anxieties.

I remember I felt a sense of huge relief when I shared some of my fears as I have realised I am not alone in feeling that.

Read & Watch

Reading a good book, watching a great Ted Talk, motivational video, movie, documentary, all show us the power of example. Particularly if you’re watching something that is based around a certain fear you might have. It will show you that other humans like you and I who are not better nor worse than you and I were able to achieve amazing things. This will reinforce the belief that you too can achieve anything provided you’re willing to take micro bravery steps every day to overcome your fears.

Let go and surrender

Let go. We humans are all control freaks right? We just want to control everything plus we have a ton of expectations. Accept and love the fact that it is what it is and where you are right now is the exact place where you should be. Trust that the universe has your back and it’s supporting you every step of the way and once you want to take the plunge and overcome your fear, you will be supported. The support might not come in the form you’ve expected it but you are always supported. Recently, I got recommended a great book on the topic which so far has proved to be a super insightful and helpful read.

Train yourself to be positive

The easiest thing you can do is to imagine the negative right? Have you ever tried to flip it over when fear strikes? Instead of thinking: What if I fall? why not consider What if I fly?

I understand this might be the hardest thing to do especially when we are really really scared but need I remind you: fear is excitement without the breath? What if you can become the best in the world at what you do? What if you can positively influence the world around you? I dare you: Visualise it! How does it make you feel? Are you still scared? Take a deep breath so you allow yourself to feel the excitement.

Take Action

You need to understand that fears are just fears. They are mostly created by our own imagination to make our reality seem scarier than it is. Simply put, it’s very comfortable to use fear as an excuse for lack of action. Once you start taking incremental steps, overcoming your fears will seem a lot easier. They will become weaker and you will feel more confident and brave with each each step you take. I also like to imagine the worst case scenarios and let me tell you this: once you paint a mental picture of that and release it, you might even laugh about how silly it was! Plus, in my experience so far worst case scenarios are not even close to what you pictured in first place.

So what’s one action step you can take right now to overcome one of your fears? (type it in the comment box 😉)

If you ever feel like you need a pick me up or a reminder of some of the most important truths, I want you to be able to come here and read them:

You are loved..I want you to always remember this, no matter what…it’s the one thing that will keep you going in moments of despair

You are unique in your own quirky way, you are brave, kind and capable to achieve anything you put your mind to-don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

It’s natural to be scared, to experience self doubt and feel lost at times…we all do!

You will get hurt many time along the way: you will cry, you will experience pain, loneliness, suffering..it’s all part of the journey

You will feel alone in those moments but know that you’re not, be brave enough and vulnerable to reach out to people – You’re never as stuck as you think!

Talking of the journey…Stop and appreciate it, don’t focus so much on the destination, it will blind side you and it will stop you from appreciating it. Reward yourself along the way, no matter how small the victory, you’ve earned it!

I know you just want to tick off task after task from your list, you think productivity is king but sometimes is best to just be …So let go and just be!

Know that you have no control over anything and that’s okay (as much as you would like to always be in control)

You can choose the people you surround yourself with, you can choose your thoughts and you can choose how you react to certain challenges and situations but that’s not always guaranteed so have no expectations!

You are not a victim of your own circumstances, you have the power to change things when you find yourself in the wrong story

All of those things you’re stressing about today won’t matter tomorrow. So, remind yourself all you have is NOW and make the most of NOW, be present and take a breath. You will feel so much better for it

Show up every day with joy, gratitude and love

Say NO to the things that just don’t light you up

Don’t expect everyone to agree with you all the time or chase up external validation, let that love come from within. Seeking everyone’s approval will displease the person that matters most: YOU

Don’t ask for anyone’s permission, just do what makes you happy

Try your best not to judge others

When opportunities that scare you present themselves just say YES, it’s the very best thing you can do to grow

Don’t lose that child like naivety, you have all the tools you need to make your life amazing today

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“Be yourself and own it …flaws and all” Testimonials

I’ve started my own yoga workshops using the tips provided in this course

Dear Ioni, I want to thank you again for creating this course. You have helped me so! After all the inspiration and bravery the course provided which resonated with me, I was able to start my own yoga practice and kids workshop at home! I am helping mummies in my neighbourhood. I was very nervous and scared but with everything I got from the course and the community, I managed to start and it feels fantastic. I have finally put myself out there, hell yeah! I now want to inspire everyone to do something they are afraid of.

SabinaRomania April 26, 2017

Helped me find answers within myself…the most valuable learning

I highly recommend it to women who are searching for answers, life's meaning and want to grow and evolve. It is a platform that gives you the chance to pause, ask questions and find answers within yourself. Whether you're searching for love or want to progress in your professional life, this course can definitely help you. It allows you to find simple solutions that are straight forward and easily applicable which most time are within us but might not be accessible for various reasons or simply because we are not aware of them or willing to do the work. The course helped me find the answers to these questions and this was the most valuable learning.

LucyAustria April 27, 2017

It is impossible to put a price on it…It’s invaluable and just feels awesome!

I have never paid much interest into exploring things like gratitude, self-love, my fears, consciousness or meditation, however, when starting this course, I decided to approach it with an open mind.
At the start, I have felt a little overwhelmed as there was so much new information that I felt I need to process in real time whilst watching the videos. However, some of the questions that were raised were not that easy to answer, at least not for me! But it made me think… After every video that was analysing a new topic, I was becoming eager to learn more. I chatted to Ioni about not being able to keep up & I then realised I have lifetime access to it which was the most valuable `aha moment` I had.

The course has also opened my eyes to the fears that I never realised I had and empowered me to take action towards overcoming them. There's still so much to learn and understand, but after I've gone through the course, I feel more positive and in control of my every day. It is impossible to put a price on it…It's invaluable and just feels awesome!

ErikaUKMay 8, 2017

A great reminder that I am perfectly imperfect and that is amazing!

This course was a reminder for some of the things I already knew or heard before but the self sabotages and choosing mantras especially were among my favourite topics. We seem to forget the most obvious things or the things we believe we know already. But when someone with such great energy reminds you once again about these things, one finds herself really motivated to apply these learnings. The course is for every woman who wants to invest into her self development & self growth. It will help you become a woman who wants to see life through the lenses of the "rainbow" meaning that you accept yourself with all your flaws and are still able to say: Yes, I love myself! This for me was the greatest reminder. The videos felt so personal and Ioni came across as very authentic and raw reminding you every step of the way that you too can achieve anything you put your mind to. It was a great reminder that I am perfectly imperfect and that is amazing!

Sanywww.feshpower.deGermany May 8, 2017

Priceless and life changing!

Love yourself first that is what we are forgetting in today's crazily hectic world. This course taught me to stop and think about me, my fears, views, anxieties, dreams and desires. Apart from this Ioni provided to do-s to help us work out things that came up. The course was very personal as we had Q&A webinars where we could ask and discuss questions troubling us. Great community of women which created a friendly and safe place to share our thoughts. It was a great reminder of how important is it to turn our attention inwards, stay positive and be kind to yourself and others - priceless and life changing!

SilviaUKMay 15, 2017

I now find myself practicing mindfulness more often and in a variety of settings

I received some great tools from my course with Ioni! One of my favourites is the Headspace app which guides you through meditation and makes it easy to begin familiarising yourself with your practice. During the course, Ioni reminded us how important mindfulness is and then provided the Headspace app as a resource--what a difference it has made for me! I now find myself practicing mindfulness more often and in a variety of settings--even if it is just for a few minutes (or even seconds!). Mindfulness and medication has improved my stress level, increased my positivity, made me feel more in charge of my life and, I feel, has made me a better person as a whole. Such a small change but it has made a big impact!

In addition, Ioni guides with warmth and positivity--she leads by example. The recorded sessions made me feel good just watching them! Although she is not with you in person, you can feel her energy and enthusiasm and it inspires you to grow. It definitely inspired me! Thank you so much, Ioni!