Life Through The Lens Of A Silly, Stubborn Heart.

I came across this song whilst strolling through YouTube and while its not at all new, this version is new to me. (It was uploaded in 2012, ha!) I haven’t seriously listened to Willie Nelson since I was a kid. It’s just not my genre. Yet something prompted me to click on the link last night and I was so glad I did because this song had me all teary eyed and squishy in my heart ❤ I know Pearl Jam did the song first but there is something about the simple, heart felt way Willie sings that just gets me. ( You Were Always On My Mind is another favourite too )

Listening to Just Breathe by Willie Nelson and his son Lukas Nelson reminded me of this next song!

It’s by Disturbed and I haven’t been able to listen to it yet without tearing up. In fact, I avoid it for this very reason because my husband plays it at the WORST times. I need to listen to it alone and endure an honest cry first, before I can hear it in the every day.

Oh NO! I think I may have made it worse! I am a bucket of salty, teary goo 😭

Seeing all those people… GAH! I have made a mistake!

Crying is supposed to be very therapeutic though so maybe this is a good thing? I must have needed the release.

I’ve certainly eaten a fried egg sandwich once or twice in my lifetime but not in adult memory. When I saw it listed as an option on a article about cheap food options I thought “why not” and made it for lunch one day.

The author of said article added Cheddar cheese to theirs and I can confirm that the whole thing is comfortingly delicious!

But please, take it from me: Try a fried egg sandwich with Provolone cheese! I had two slices left over from better days and OH MY!

It tastes extra rich and the flavour is so much more robust and mature. I think this one is going to something I eat on a regular basis, Covid 19 or not!

If you’re new here, I’ve been micro dosing with melatonin to ease my S.A.D symptoms, since ooohhh, the day I felt Autumn in the air. Around July 29, 2019 I think. I take .5 mg of melatonin in the late afternoon every day and write about my progress! If you’re interested in previous posts you can find them here,here, and here.

Spring! It’s been “spring” for a bit now.

At first, I really thought my “data” had been ruined by this pandemic.

When we hit Spring on March 19, 2020 we were well in the midst of this particular shit show and I was not feeling so good. I was anxious and just starting to slip into the blues.

BUT, in February when the pandemic was all but a ghost ship on the horizon, I was feeling just fine.

I wasn’t feeling any of the effects of S.A.D at all. Not a thing! I was clear and alert and…normal. What was also normal was the way I was feeling in the midst of a global pandemic.

It wouldn’t be fair to blame the slight case of blahs I felt in March on S.A.D.

Especially when said blues have poofed off into nothingness. People in the know are fully aware that S.A.D never just poofs off.

So ya know, I’m just going to call it: Melatonin works like a hot damn on my Seasonal Affective Disorder. It has successfully helped me through the long dark months and I’ll be doing it again next year. This time I’m going to start it earlier…closer to the Summer Solstice. July felt a little late…like I had to play catch up before feeling the positive benefits.

Some other things I’ve learned:

It’s not a magic cure, you still have to do the work. Practice good self care, mind your thoughts and be consistent with your dose.

Taking melatonin in the later months when your body doesn’t need it as much is going to be a whole different experience. I started taking my dose later because it wasn’t dark at 4pm and I found that it was making me very sleepy, very early. When this happens, it’s time to stop micro dosing. But listen to YOUR OWN BODY, not what I tell you to do. Your results will vary.

Do your own research on all of this yourself too. Don’t just listen to me. Make sure such a thing is right for you. Your doctor and Google – look for quality research papers- are your friend.

I still take melatonin in the evening if I notice my sleep getting wonky. I think this is just as important as the micro dosing and I should have been doing this all along. Good sleep is important to your mental health.

There you have it 🙂 I think every year is going to be different and I’m probably going to learn new things as I go along still but I feel confident that micro dosing with melatonin is a great helper in my mental health toolbox.

2. I have a lot of specific skills that were sure under appreciated by both my former self and society. But wow, those skills are valuable now!

3. Bergamot is a fruit! I somehow thought it was an herb or a root…I had no clue that it was a citrus fruit until I went searching to buy some to add to my tea. Too funny!

4. You can make yeast out of so many things! Potatoes…dried fruit…I’ll be giving this all a try in the coming days. And posting it all here of course!

5. I’m an introvert so while extroverts were freaking about not being so social anymore, I was laughing. I was BORN FOR THIS! I haven’t suffered nearly as much as my more extroverted peers. But then as the weeks passed, I noticed that I was REALLY looking forward to grocery shopping. I was extra,extra chatty with the poor cashiers and other shoppers. I realized this: I still need human interaction. Fuck! My social needs for other humans may be less than other people. But I still need them. Shocking.

6. Whisky and Pepsi is as good as Rye and Coke. The Pepsi is light tasting enough so as to not over power the whisky. Plus it doesn’t go sickly sweet when it warms over time. I have always been a firm Coca Cola girl but ya know…Pepsi has its place.

7. My boy is climbing his mountain of recovery with determination and good humour. I feel like its safe for me to meet him where he is and walk alongside him now. ❤

It was my second year with this blog so I think that played a role. Less first time jitters, less “have a thing or two to prove” mindset 🙂 NOt only that…we’re in the middle of a pandemic! There is a certain fog that comes with that too.

Instead of making a point to visit participating blogs starting April 1, this year I visited blogs as they signed up on the main list, a little bit at a time in the month beforehand! Last year, visiting the blogs and commenting on every single one grew to be most stressful. This year was much more relaxed and enjoyable.

I did follow Blogger blogs but rarely went to visit. I feel bad about that but as a person with a lot going on, the incompatibility of the two blog platforms grew to be too great a hinderance . If it wasn’t right in front of my face, it got lost in the swirl of all the other things I had going on.

I ended up visiting all blogs on the list, up to April 1, and at my last count that number was a whopping 430 blogs! Wow. There were over 500 blogs to join by the end of sign up. Out of those 430 blogs I followed 18 new blogs that interested me. As other people visited me, I popped in to visit them and followed a few more too. I also stopped following a few blogs as time went on. Last year, I found it so cringey to go to a blog and comment for the sake of commenting. SO I made sure the blogs I followed met my personal criteria so that I’d be better able to interact in an authentic manner. I’m not a good faker 🙂

My intention going into this challenge was to go easy on myself and be genuine. I wrote my posts ahead of time so I could really focus on my comments and the blogs I followed. I was kind to myself if I couldnt think of something to say or if I just didn’t feel like reading anything that day too.

My theme was ” I don’t know” and that was fun to write. I really enjoy the thrill of the unknown and of course I LOVE learning new things. Even if that new thing is simply- I still don’t know. My theme allowed me to write about a variety of subjects, which is totally my jam too!

The people I met were lovely and kind and fun to engage with too. I found a lot of smart,funny,creative and interesting new blogs to read and the experience was overwhelmingly positive. Something that was especially appreciated during these weird times we find ourselves in.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for commenting. Thank you for being your authentic self and thank you for seeing me, too.

I was really craving a chicken sandwich last month but society was under physical distancing orders and hopping on a bus to get my fix just didn’t seem to be a good choice.

So what did I do? Improvise!

I scrounged up a squished bun from the freezer, heated up the last three chicken finger too – a good Gigi always has chicken fingers for the Grands-, sliced up some pickles, slopped on some fancy BBQ sauce – made with merlot- and ended up with this:

It wasn’t half bad. The BBQ sauce was a poor choice, next time I’ll stick to mayo and mustard but still…a tasty lunch indeed!

I feel so low key today. The rain is making me feel cosy and sleepy. Today is a perfect day for reading books, reading blogs and watching movies ❤

I may also have an A-Z hangover. I love doing the challenge but I also love when its over. I feel like I get my blog back. That seems silly because it’s always been MY blog but its extra work and energy, outside of my normal output. The challenge takes over it all. For an introvert like me, it takes me a bit to fill the reserves back up! Despite the worms, I’m grateful for today. I’ll be less inclined to do stuff 🙂

So, do I prefer the wormpocalypse or the Sun, 2020?

HA HA HA! Yeah…I’m still going with the sun.

Always the sun. 🙂

( My version of Sun 2020, mind you. My version is a privileged version for which I am SO grateful. Lots of people have shitty versions, that’s for damn sure. )

We’re starting to phase life back in, in my province and it’s a bit strange. I’ll be able to go to the dentist for a cleaning but not the library. That makes ZERO sense to me.

Can you tell I miss the library and was looking forward to missing the dentist 😉

Dr. Hinshaw says we can gather and meet friends too-up to 15-, so long as we’re well and practice social distancing. I’m not entirely sure about that either.

In theory it’s safe and lovely and all that. In practice, its so easy to forget! I helped a gent experiencing homelessness and I was definitely within 6 ft of him and a whole host of other folks. I chose humanity over safety and that was the right thing to do in that moment. I just know that choice will be even easier to fling off around friends and family. I guess, it’s like everything else; it takes practice.

Has this ever happened to you? It has to me! I love these little reminders to refocus my attention sometimes. A person doesn’t have to ignore what’s going on, just take a break from it when you stop seeing the good stuff too.

Do you have any big plans for the month ahead? I’m going for a distance walk with a friend on Saturday and have made it my mission to explore all sorts of cool new places this month. Oh! And get my bike out for more rides too! How about you?