Month: January 2012

I just wanted to ask you what you think I should do. I am 14 and have already been through so much, like my parents divorcing and fighting constantly, my dad hating me because of my step mom, who he chose over me, the stress of being in my first year of high school and two advanced classes, and my boyfriend, who is currently struggling with schizophrenia. It is so bad he almost broke up with me to protect me, because he thinks he will hurt me.

I am actually cutting myself, even though I know it is not right. I just don’t have any other way to relieve all my stress. I have more than once considered suicide, but I don’t have the guts to do that. What should I do?

Signed
Lonely And Scared

Dear Lonely and Scared,

Good for you for reaching out. That is one of the most important things you can do to help yourself. It sounds like you are a smart girl who cares a great deal about the people in your life. And because these people are not feeling good about themselves, you are suffering. You cannot carry the weight of every other person’s problems.

Now it is time for you to put yourself first. Go to the bathroom and wash your face. Look in a mirror and see what a pretty girl is left there. Next, I want you to see if there is anyone you can talk to. Friends are good, but a counselor or a therapist is even better. Your goal is to find a healthy way to deal with your stress, and to lessen the stress you are feeling. And this is nothing to be embarrassed about. We all could use a little extra help from time to time.

Also, it sounds like you really care about your boyfriend, but you have to remember that you come first. You cannot really be there for others until you are there for yourself.

I have been seeing a married man for two years now. He says he is getting a divorce. He had no steady job until almost a year ago, and is trying to refinance his house and get the divorce final before we make any plans. His wife is still living with him, but goes away on trips frequently. He still cares about her a lot, I can tell, but he says he loves me and wants a life with me. I feel stupid waiting for him, but he treats me really well. He has a green card (not a US citizen) and says he feels obligated because his wife supported him until he could get a job.

I really love him, but feel short changed waiting for him. What do you think, Cutie?

signed,
Patience

Dear Patience,

Oh dear, get rid of him. He is bad news.

I’m confused by your statement that he treats you very well. In my opinion, he is asking you to be too patient and too understanding. These qualities are important and crucial to a good relationship, but in moderation. You have done well by trying to accept his situation, but I think your instincts are right about feeling short changed.

It sounds like he does care for you, but he cares for his wife and for his easy life, too. He says the right things and tugs on your heartstrings, but his actions show that he is unwilling to meet you halfway.

A good partner is someone who can stand on his own two feet. And a dependable, steady partner is what you deserve. Follow your instincts and stop waiting for him.

Start asking yourself the hard questions like: why are you putting up with this? And what are you going to do to make sure that your next partner doesn’t treat you this way? Spend time with your girlfriends, be strong and good luck to you. I see good things in your future.

We are happy to accept the new year and I want everybody to enjoy what the future has in store for us.

I see nothing but good news, health, happiness, and prosperity. Take care of your families and enjoy what life has given you. Look around: you are very, very lucky. The new year is a good time for reflection and for looking forward.

I’m one of those people who likes to make new year’s resolutions. And over the years I have learned that the best way to succeed in changing your life is to make it a lifestyle. If you want to lose twenty pounds, forget about the diets. Start eating healthy and exercising as a way of life. You’ll lose your extra weight and gain a wonderful lifestyle. Repetition and consistency really go a long way!

Good luck to you and may you have a wonderful 2012. I already am. Also, what are your new year’s resolutions? Mine is to find a new hobby. I might have a hidden talent, who knows?