The Longest Forty-Three Minutes of My Life

For a while, El Senor and I have been meaning to go to a spin class together at the gym. Today we finally had the chance to go. Now, I haven't been working out the past couple weeks. I've been spending my time focusing on other areas of my life, like homework and... you know... homework. We got to the 45-minute class two minutes late, but were able to find two bikes together, right beside the instructor. For everyone who's never been to a spin class, let me describe the environment. The room is small and triangular with black walls. The only lighting comes from a traffic light at the front of the class. Music is pumping as hard as it would in a club. In fact, I imagine the whole thing is a club atmosphere (I've never been to a club) only with stationary bikes. Now let me detail the next 43 minutes.

35-30: Thought about the public embarrassment to physical discomfort ratio. I was feeling sick enough that I didn't care that everyone in the room could see I wasn't following the workout anymore. But I wasn't sick enough to walk out of the room. Put my head down on my arms on the handlebars.

29: Said yes when the instructor asked me if I was okay.

28: Wondered if when I passed out, my head would hit El Senor's bike or the girl next to me's bike before it hit the ground.

27-26: Wondered if I'd have an epileptic seizure once I hit the ground.

25: Tasted strange taste in my mouth. Wondered if it was a taste of death.

24-23: Listened to El Senor say, "Don't over-exert yourself." Laughed because I didn't know whether he was being sincere or sarcastic. Listened to El Senor say, "No, I'm serious." Reflected on the fact that for the last howevermany minutes, I'd been pedaling extremely slowly at zero resistance.

22: Wondered if after my skull fracture and seizure, I would survive long enough to make it to the hospital.

21: Wondered if Viper would come and visit me in the hospital in the moments before my death.

20: Thought about how my entire set of lungs and esophagus were still on fire.

18: Thought about the public embarrassment to physical discomfort ratio. I was feeling better, and was more aware of the fact that anyone in the class could see that I wasn't working out at all. Started pedaling faster.

17-13: Smelled burned matches. The instructor said that whatever the smell was, it smelled like food. But it didn't smell like food. It smelled like burned matches. Wondered if the rest of the gym were on fire, would we notice in our room with the music turned up so loud. Wondered about emergency evacuation. Wondered if there were a fire blocking the door, would I run through the fire to escape, or would I stay in the tiny triangular room and die?

12: Stopped pedaling faster. Wasn't feeling as sick anymore, but still wasn't feeling up to any degree of exertion.

11-9: Thought about my homework.

8: Heard instructor announce that there were only eight more minutes. Rejoiced.

7: Realized that the fire in my lungs was out now. Still didn't really pedal faster. Wondered if I'd ever give spin a chance again.

6-2: Thought about the Oscars last night and how I disagreed with everyone's criticism of Jon Stewart's performance. I thought he was fantastic.

I have been trying to spend some time on the stationary bikes every day. I think it's way better than running because my heart rate gets up without the feeling like I am going to die sensation of running.

There is a HUGE difference between stationary bike and spin class. You have no idea. I generally avoid the stationary bikes because they don’t give me a good enough workout. Spin class is different. It gives you a good workout. Unless you give up five minutes into it and spend the rest of the time wondering if you're going to live.