But I want to tell a fuller story with some confessions and
embarrassing truths with the hope that this helps at least one
person.

One reason to "pick yourself" instead of "waiting to get picked"
by someone else is:

No one is going to pick you.
For me, waiting to get picked always conjures up painful memories
of the elementary school playground. I was in 5th grade and loved
to play sports, especially basketball. The problem was that I
hadn't hit my growth spurt yet and was one of the shortest kids
on the court. I usually got picked last or not at all when we
split up teams.

It's sad to admit but more than 30 years later I'm still kind of
angry with Mr. Hamblin, the PE coach, who mocked me because I was
in his words, "too short to play" in the coveted teachers vs.
students basketball game on the last day of the school year.

This and other times of rejection left me feeling frustrated and
misunderstood. I was pretty good at sports (by 5th grade
standards) but I was being judged solely on my height. I often
sat on the sidelines feeling defeated with resentment and great
contempt for tall people.

This pattern continued on into high school and although I worked
hard to earn a spot on the varsity team in three different
sports, I was often ignored or given limited playing time by
coaches who preferred to play the bigger kids who were in their
minds "a sure thing" to win games.

In business I continue to experience the feeling of being
ignored, passed over, exploited, rejected and being treated
unfairly all the time. I have felt defeated and wondered where my
friends were when I needed them most.

I have felt desperate and alone. I have felt the resentment and
contempt for those in power who didn't pick me after nailing the
job interview, or after years of thankless service, or for
well-deserved promotion.

I confess that I've held grudges -- even for things that are
ancient history. During my darkest moments when I lost sight of
hope, I was so miserable that I was tempted to blame others or
outside circumstances for my misfortune, real or perceived, to
the point that I wanted to retaliate and seek revenge.

I've heard it said that "holding a grudge is like drinking poison
and waiting for the other person to die." It's true, I've had a
taste of it.

Here's what I've learned:

Some people, like Coach Hamblin, suck. Yes, we will be treated
unfairly by unforeseen circumstances or people -- deliberately or
without malice -- and neither way is fun. But we shouldn't be
surprised when adversity or rejection come, nor allow the
applause or lack of, to determine our worth. This is the journey
we're on.

The path that used to be safe and secure -- that cushy,
high-paying job at the glamorous brand or position that is never
in jeopardy of being downsized -- is gone. At any moment the
tightrope you're walking on can get cut out from under you. And
there's no safety net.

Whether you work for someone else and love it or spend your days
sending out resumes, there's comfort in knowing that there's an
alternate choice: Pick yourself.

Don't waste time playing to an audience who couldn't care less
about your tune. Don't waste another breath of air trying to
convince the unconvinced. There's a danger after you've been
rejected so many times -- tell me if this sounds familiar:

You get mad or resentful every time you hear the word "no"
feeling undervalued and unappreciated.

You sabotage relationships or opportunities by rejecting them
before they reject you as a defense mechanism.

You start using those in power as the scapegoat or excuse for
your less-than-awesome output or performance.

Don't do this. Don't give them power by giving in. Keep your chin
up, find the right audience or do better work until you get
noticed. Never quit.

Seth Godin said this in The Icarus Deception:

"Our cultural instinct is to wait to get picked. To seek out
permission, authority and safety that come from someone who says,
'I pick you.' Once you reject the impulse and realize that no one
is going to select you -- that Prince Charming has chosen another
house in his search for Cinderella -- then you can actually get
to work."