I've written a feature length screenplay - intended as one installment of an ongoing series of features - about a secret society of people who live among us but are not like us: the Illuminati. They are normal humans, but they are enlightened and guard their secrets, and membership, fiercely. Silent Killer is a young lady with a uniquely troubled past who operates in the world of assassination and espionage and in the process of carrying out her work unwittingly discovers the existence of this group, wins the right to train to become a member, and with this 2-minute teaser we are at the point where Silent Killer has met all the training challenges and stands ready for "Final Test."

I realize that without the textures to distinguish outfits it may be hard to tell that the bald-headed dude she's fighting in the non-yellow tinted action clips is not the Master. This will be fixed once textures are applied, because Master wears white while his pupils wear maroonish black, plus he is older and I may give the pupils some kind of facial markings or head tattoos.

Anyway I'm already working on the character textures which will take some time, but as soon as they are ready I will update the teaser. I could use any and all feedback, suggestions in the meantime.

I am also looking for a fellow Maya user with whom to collaborate with on this, specifically on the animation, so if you imagine you'd like to help please let me know immediately. target completion to finish and polish these 2 minutes is May.

Cheers!

mimo8

01-29-2004, 11:19 AM

ok!
first of all sorry to give such a harsh comment.
but after looking at the animatrix I just thought why???

first of all: I practice kung fu and I am an animator, so it is not a overall neglection

then a short interpretation of the story.
a woman is sent into several battles by her shifu. after winning all of them her master jumps down on her from the back and kills her, saying she was not attendent enough.

ok!
perhaps you can make some cooool martial arts scenes out of this - but the story is laking.
In my opinion it would be more honest to show some fighting sceenes just for their own - without a thin story arround.
why not putting some scenes together where there´s some martial arts going on. people would not be confused by a thin story.

other oportunity is to go the long way, define the characters with all their aspects and think abbout a story that is able to tell something.

the metapher of the master that is not satisfied with his disciple could work, but it is not working yet.

why does the shifu has to kill his good disciple - is he evil, crazy, or are there some stronger powers behind him.
... but at this point you have to take care.
often it does not help a story to ad something so to make it more comprehensible, but to leave something away. sometimes it helps to throw everything aboard to have the mind free again to get to a strong shortstory.

hope you get my point(s)
greets
m

Quizboy

01-30-2004, 12:04 AM

mimo8, thank you for taking the time to expand longer on your criticism. I believe that negative criticism is infinitely more effective than positive criticism because it addresses what's wrong.

Also I don't care how harsh the criticism. Just talk like you would to a friend after seeing a short - you wouldn't ice that over and I wouldn't either, so those are the kind of comments I want to hear.

About the criticism, I feel like a major reason for this is the shortness of the film - 1:45. A little about the evolution: I have written an extended treatment for a feature film surrounding this character Silent Killer her life as an assassin, how she got there, and how her insistent quest to fulfill missing gaps of knowledge about herself left by her abusive yet mysterious father has led to her to discovery of the existence of this secret group the Illuminati and her eventual attempted induction as seen here. This film is meant as a quick film in and of itself in that it shows the final test, but at the same time it is meant to operate as an introduction to the larger story of Silent Killer and of the Illuminati themselves. In that way it could be called a teaser.

So the evolution is this. How much of this story can I introduce in two exciting minutes? Why two minutes? Because it's reasonable to achieve a good result in two minutes, and if that's good enough maybe it could present opportunities to make more of the story.

And uggh! The animatrix is fantastic but every animation with any kind of time manipulation and kung fu is NOT the matrix. I grew up loving the same crap the Wachowski brothers love without trying to copy them....ugh, ugh, ugh.

Anyway If you'd like to read my first feature-length screenplay titled Illuminati, which involves the induction of geneticist Dr. Gene Poulos to the group (or not) let me know because that will give you good idea of the level of quality i'm attempting to achieve with this additional installment to the Illuminati saga.

Quizboy

01-31-2004, 01:57 PM

Here's an easier version to download. It's a smaller file yet large image 512x277 but you have to have the Cinepak codec from Radius installed.

Follow Us On:

The CGSociety

The CGSociety is the most respected and accessible global organization for creative digital artists. The CGS supports artists at every level by offering a range of services to connect, inform, educate and promote digital artists worldwide. More about us on TheArtSociety.com