Bitter News, 2-12-09

Tina Turner sang it best: We don’t need another hero. South Carolina police have been arresting anyone they can get their cuffs on who was affiliated with the picture of Michael Phelps taking hits from the bong. Hm, maybe Cypress Hill sang it best. “Home skillet, there’s water inside don’t spill it.” [Associated Press]

If Abraham Lincoln was still alive, he’d be 200 years old today. And in the vein of “We don’t need another hero,” lets honor him with new worthless 1-cent pieces and break him down piece-by-piece: Lincoln the racist, the tyrant, the crybaby, the gay, the atheist, the depressed and henpecked. Oh, and Lincoln the lawyer. [USA Today | The Southeast Texas Record]

1929 gangsta’ style. But Al Capone’s on trial for the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre 2009 style. At least he has representation. Gangster rapper “Sleezie” wishes he thought of going with a different kind of lawyer style. [Columbia Missourian]

“A bunch of them are cheating on their spouses. A lot of them drink in excess. Very few of them know what’s going on.” The staff at Bitter Lawyer? Maybe. But at least we share a lot in common with Illinois lawmakers, according to Blagojevich. [Washington Post]

Former “mediocre Mets” player and possible Hall of Famer Roberto Alomar is being sued by his former girlfriend for having unprotected sex with her despite knowing he is HIV positive. [The New York Times]

Funny how if you change one vowel in “Beatle Mania,” it gets infinitely less cool. [Am Law Daily]