Tea Party: Eighty-Seven Percent Afflicted With ABB!

A study by a major mental health care clinic in Minnesota has just released a study relating to the mental health of Tea Party members in the US. It states that eighty-seven percent of the group are afflicted with ABB, the acronym for Anal, Banal, and not too Bright.

The study was an extensive research project, done in conjunction with a previous study of DNA and IQ studies of the same group. The previous studies showed a correlation of the average IQ of the focus group and body temperatures, which tended to be exactly ten points lower than the average body temperature of 98.2.

"We have no explanation for this phenomenon as well as the fact that most of these people are cousins," said a statement from the clinic.

The other points in the study are self explanatory.

Anal: a personality marked by excessive orderliness, extreme meticulousness, and often suspicion and reserve.

According to psychoanalysis, an anal personality is formed in early childhood as a result of efforts to control bowel movements and often leads to aggressive behavior.

Many in the Tea Party were outraged by the study and demanded a retraction of some kind. Fox news talking heads were ranting non-stop. Not all, however, reacted in the same manner. T. J. McCorkle, of Louisburg, NC was asked by a reporter what he thought about being labeled ABB.

More fake news stories

Somalia Based Islamist terror group Al Shabaab has posted a chilling video message calling on jihadist cells in America to strike fear in the hearts of shoppers in America's malls.
Though terror experts consider the video mostly bluster, The Al...

WASHINGTON, DC - First Lady Michele Obama responded via Twitter to Former First Lady Barbara Bush's recent Skype address, stating that "she hasn't had 'too many Bushes'", by saying she has had way too many bushes.
Besides having to endure preside...

Two people are facing charges following a fight that broke out Thursday evening at a Maryland metro station bus stop.
Maryland State Police said the fight started around 5:15 p.m. between the Suitland metro station and the Come & Get It Liquor...

San Quentin, CA - On a speaking tour to tout her husband's evolution towards support of gay marriage, Michelle Obama had her limousine caravan come to a sudden screeching halt outside of San Quentin prison in California, so she could lecture inmates...

Allison Williams has spoken out in defense of her NBC Nightly News anchor dad Brian Williams who has been suspended from work without pay for being a liar.
During a Q&A with Seth Meyers at New York's 92Y, the Peter Pan actress spoke out about...

New York - Looking a lot like Patrick Swayze in his Point Blank Ronald Reagan mask, tux and add-on AK47 a British MI5 officer has testified at the NYC trial of suspected terrorist Abid Naseer.
His colleague from Cryptography went slightly off-pist...

Washington DC - In a sit down with a boot licking, softball thrower from Vox media, President Obama admitted that "if he had it to do all over again" he would never had said "Greeks have as much reason to be proud as Americans."
"I have learned th...

In response to mounting criticism both at home and abroad President Obama told White House staffers this morning that he fully intends to do a full Samuel L Jackson on terrorism 'in any shape or form, any place in the world' - including Faux News's B...