I don't care where you matriculated, what you studied, or what honors you graduated with. If you didn't go to Benedictine University, your degree is now useless.

Did that lady just knock over the Eiffel Tower with a golf shot? Did that one just spike a volleyball through the Earth to explode some pagoda somewhere? Yes. Wait, did that batter explode the entire moon? Is this all happening to Joe Satriani shredding away? Was this created on an Amiga 500? So many questions.

I've got my degree, I'm not Catholic, and I'm not an athlete. But I swear I'll learn, if it just means standing on the icy mountaintops of Benedictine University, alongside the other awkwardly green-screened sportsmen and women.