An Alternative Indian Grand Prix for Vettel

Sebastian Vettel celebrated after winning the Indian Grand Prix at the Buddh International Circuit.

Sebastian Vettel celebrated winning his fourth Formula One championship by doing a series of doughnuts near the finish line of the Buddh International Circuit, sending clouds of smoke into the already hazy air.

“There’s so many people here on the main grandstand that I had to do it,” the 26-year-old German said. The stunt, while well received by spectators, earned Vettel a reprimand from the race stewards and a fine of €25,000 for his Red Bull Racing team.

The punishment came under Article 43.3 of the FIA Formula One regulations, which basically says drivers must leave the circuit after finishing the race without any unnecessary delay.

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I’m no race official or safety expert, but if you’re in a $1.7 million F1 race car, taking some time to do a few doughnuts is surely entirely necessary. Full disclosure; I was raised in the English county of Essex, where doing doughnuts is the first part of the driving test. (It’s not, but that doesn’t stop people trying.)

“Rocky, my engineer, called for the usual procedure. But I said, ‘Yeah, not this time,’” Vettel said from the podium on Sunday.

And this man gets booed? Crazy, give him a medal. Oh, he’s got enough of those. Better still; give him an honorary Indian driver’s license. By expressing such excellent disregard for rules and orders, surely the German would take to Delhi’s roads like a duck to water, or a crash test dummy to a brick wall.

But would he be able to match the skills of everyday drivers in India’s capital?

Sure, he’s just become the youngest person ever to win four F1 world championships. But could he do it with his wing mirror folded in? I doubt it.

Yes, he’s won the last six Grand Prix’s in a row. But could he do it with a row of cuddly toys and teddy bears on his silly little dashboard? As if.

Granted, he’s won every Indian Grand Prix there’s ever been. But could he accomplish it while driving with cellphones in both hands and a hot cup of chai perched on his lap? No sir.

Sure, he’s won the 2013 F1 season with three races in hand. But would he be in this position if he’d been forced to have one hand always over the car horn, ready to plunge into honking action every corner and at every other car in every race? Honk, no.

Yes, he is being hailed as one of the best drivers of all time. But can he dodge holes in the road and fearlessly accelerate into speed bumps the way auto-rickshaw drivers in Delhi can? I doubt it.

Granted, he’s the fourth driver after Juan Manuel Fangio, Alain Prost and Michael Schumacher to win four F1 titles. But could he have done it while seemingly not looking at the road 90% of the time? Surely not.

Kudos, Mr. Vettel, for showing the drivers of Delhi that you’re not afraid to break the rules. It was a nice display of solidarity. But to prove you are truly a great driver, we need to see what you can do on the city streets in a normal car in rush hour.

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