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Today’s Column

Stand up strong and don’t accept the “victim” role

It seems to me like her staff covers for her, so I don’t leave any message.

We’ve been together a long time, but there’s no affection towards me at all, just the basic kiss.

I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she gets her back up, gets angry, and picks a fight.

It seems like a one-sided relationship, just me approaching her all the time, with nothing in return. There’s no sex life at all.

Any suggestions?

Hopeless

Find your backbone and make a decision about what YOU want… whether it’s to work out the reason for the distance between you, or to separate. Those are the two options, if you dislike the current situation – and you should, because she’s cut you off from communication as well as sex.

It’s hard to believe you have no clue whatsoever about why she’s avoiding you… even to having her staff block you from talking to her.

If you want to make an effort, and she’s willing, insist on going to counselling together. Or, go alone to try and plumb how this standoff started.

If these attempts fail, or she’s not interested, get to a lawyer to learn your rights and responsibilities if and when you split. Then tell her, after you’re informed, how you expect to proceed towards divorce. She’ll listen then.

My former employer fired me and I started my own business, which is similar to his.

He’s now going around to my customers and telling them lies about my business practices.

It's affecting my business somewhat, but I'm not too worried as I've been in the industry many years.

But I'm wondering what to do. He's making himself look pretty desperate, while trying to do damage to my business.

Should I let it unfold or seek legal counsel?

Underhanded Dealings

Despite some legal fees, it’s wise to seek advice on business matters that can affect your reputation and your income. It won’t take many billable hours to know where you stand.

Unless you signed a non-compete clause with this former employer, he’s libeling you with his lies. If any loss of income or respect in your field can be proven, you’d be able to sue him for damages.

A warning letter from a lawyer would put him on notice that he’s coming close to crossing that line, and that he’s being watched. That should stop him, without a lawsuit.

Our niece, 33 (my husband’s sister’s daughter) is soon marrying for the second time. Is there any rule, protocol, etc. with regards to having to gift again when we already did so for her first marriage? Or to contribute to her so-called "honeymoon" fund?

Other issues affecting our opinion: her general lack of respect to us. She’s been our houseguest several times, has never thanked us, never acknowledged us at Christmas, or sent condolences when my brother passed away at a young age.

So, there’s also a lack of good will on my part.

Am I Harsh, Unfair?

For your husband’s sake, and relations with his sister, rise above this niece’s previous thoughtlessness (immaturity?). But you can keep your gift modest.

The etiquette books of the past can hardly deal with all of today’s permutations for weddings, such as a “honeymoon fund.” Give what you can afford, but give something. It’s still a hopeful union with a second chance at happiness for a family member.