LONG BLOG

Welcome to the Write Stuff of September! Your inferiorobselete monthly look at how we write stuff here in the cblogs community, for the community, by the community, published by Nintendo. Because seriously, you wouldn't even be getting it if it weren't for Nintendo you ungrateful sons of bitches. Sega didn't want anything to do with it and Nintendo was just sitting on the couch next to the discussion and was like, "Oh shit! If I swoop in on this shit, peeps are gonna love me! I mean, frick'in sending me thank you cards and shit! Hey Platinum! If Sega doesn't want it, I'll take it!"

And look where that turned out.

This week's month's tip of the week is pride. No, not one of the seven deadly sins but rather the confidence to put your stuff out there and take responsibility for it. The only time you can distance yourself from the words you put on the metaphorical paper is if you're writing news on a rumor.

"Rumor has it that some Bayonetta fans are humongous douches for not appreciating that the sequel exists at all, even if it's going to be on a console they have no initial intention of owning."

Right there is a disclaimer saying what the following is may not be truth, being told in a news story format that you might care about. Maybe Kotaku would post it?

The point is, have some pride in your work. This applies especially to newcomers to the cblogs as they suddenly feel some sort of mysterious pressure to magically be good and have their first blog have one thousand faps (and let's face it, the only way to be good at anything is magic). Older members could give less of a fuck about how their blogs are received, and I mean that in both a good way and a bad way. But this also means it's a good thing not to suddenly distance yourself in the comments unless you were trying to make a point and got thoroughly thrashed by things like opinions and facts.

You are a writer. One of a kind amongst a million. Your voice is unique, even if you feel like it's being drowned out by a million others. Eventually, things will be quiet while you're speaking and someone will hear you and like what you say. So take some pride in your work goddammit.

The thing that makes Handy's humor click is the sense that if he were speaking this aloud, he'd be doing this with a straight face. All of the ridiculous situations and criticisms that are next to impossible to defend, Handy writes out as if it was the most natural thing in the world. So when you have sentences describing 50 Cent facing a moral quandary in a game about shooting terrorists for a diamond encrusted skull, you know something funny is going on from every level.

Usually, a good article has a good intro to really hook the player. But in the cblog community, sometimes you gain a rep that forgives that a little bit because people recognize your developed voice. Zombie Orwell is a walking example of a developed voice since it an entire character of its own and he rarely ever breaks it, even in the comments. That is to say, if you like Zombie Orwell as a character, you keep coming back to see what he does despite your attitude towards reading for the day.

That is what brings me to this blog in particular. His character is so ingrained on me as to how he speaks that I can forgive such an off-kilter start. In fact, I've come to expect it. And it all comes together in the end with my own unique interpretation. An interpretation that the entire point of the subject was to project a four paragraph long rape joke at the end.

Some of the best stuff on the cblogs are personal stories and reflections. And what better way to enhance those personal stories then by self-depreciating humor? A story we can all chuckle about lightheartedly because the humor is at the character's expense and the character is actually the author. Even his intro has a bit of self-depreciating humor by mentioning his kid. He's proud of her, sure, but there's the brief mention that his kid, like so many other kids we can relate to as well, is just plain dumb. And we're ok with that in the end because it's a self-reflection of his childhood and it's something that rings for everyone: kids are dumb because they are young and they are young.

A long time ago, I talked about making an argument balanced. By pressing on your point while still presenting facts on both sides in order to make your point easier to swallow for either party involved in the debate. Sephiroth X takes my point and creates an entire, stellar example to arguing for a purpose. Seph didn't need to defend EA. In fact, at several points, he says it's not exactly a company that deserves such well thought out defense. But some things, he argues, aren't EA's fault. And other things EA gets accused of, other companies do worse.

It's funny how whatsacow wanted to tackle adult issues and yet the opening of his article is a very haphazard bashing of rough words and tone. The rest of the article could've led to a wider debate, especially with some sprucing up and formatting. But I doubt anyone got past the lead if they thought the rest of the blog had a tone like it did.

I hate it when the author puts a disclaimer of his content outside the actual content. "Sorry this is so bad, so try enjoying it anyways." Let me start reading, because if this is your hook, it's a terrible hook. It was a pretty good thing you had going to. But first it had to get going first before it could get anywhere and you just told us you kind of sucked in the first few sentences. So tell me, why should I bother reading the rest of what you actually bothered writing if you're so mediocre at this writing business?

This is a troubling entry because I do not have evidence to prove this is an actual account run by an actual person as opposed to an account created by someone to troll us all. In fact, by the time I've come back to my save file to copy and paste this stuff I've had stored, ickda's posts have already bee deleted for sheer spamitude. But let's pretend we're real for a moment while we look into the past. His grasp of english and proper grammar is absolutely horrendus. If it were a troll account, surely they'd at least use real words. The discussion being presented is an all out circle jerk as not only is it difficult to understand, but whatever can be deciphered is a non-sensical push of his opinion. And he has the gall to target specific commenters and attack them directly in quotes. Allowed? Perhaps. Tactless? Oh, so much more than that.

Let me just say this is just more of an announcement then a blog. Actually, I want to pad this out by remarking there are a number of ways to make this work while still retaining the basic point of, "Hey guys, I'm streaming! Come watch me!"

You could, for example, say how your day's been so far and how the game's been. You could talk about incidental stuff about your streaming site like how the traffic's been and to help support him. Hey, that's a few more sentences, right?

Personally, when I look at an article I've been working on, I'm extremely critical about length. Is it too short? Too long? It's based on the subject. And for this, it could stand to be at least four or five paragraphs to entertain us somehow while announcing his streaming.

And hey look! I've finished the Write Stuff! Which means I managed to pry myself away from Borderlands 2! See you guys next month!