Friday, September 29, 2006

Discounted

Women don't know they discount men until it is too late. Men typically don't know they are being dissed by women until they are pissed. I know this is a sweeping generalization about women as there might actually be women out there who don't discount men. That would be a discussion for later. For now here are my thoughts.

At first, I didn’t know why I was upset. I was angry. These feelings began after our group discussion about this story Belinda wanted to discuss. After reading the story and relating her thoughts, Belinda deflected Randy’s comments and Phil's comments were ignored. Pat was met with hostility and mine were discounted. Yet when Tristan said something, Belinda took the time to listen and absorb her observations. This annoyed me. What is it about this woman gets my goat? Here in this venue, she discounts men and listens to women. Why should I continue to dialogue with someone who is discounting to men in general? These men responded vying for approval of or thinking they were helping her until they are left frustrated, deflated and shut down. Even worse, I know one of them is capable of holding on to his anger until it blows out of control and into the extreme of verbal and physical confrontation. When I see a woman do this-it is misandry as Nunya shared in my previous post and to say it in plain English-man hater. I don’t know how Belinda lives leaving men in her wake-pissed off. I know on some level it is a survival mechanism.

However, a poke in the eye is a poke in the eye. I was a closet mysoginist until exposed; she is a clueless and overt misandrist. I cannot let this go by without letting her know her affect on me. Not exposing her would be a disservice to her and more important, a disservice to me and others like me. I know too, that this act will continue to "de-construct" my concept of powerful women and see them more as human beings.

As always and in my other posts the people are real, the names are ficticious.

Yes and I was surprised how grounded I was during and after the interchange. It no longer felt personal. She was shaken by thought that she had this affect on men and didn't like it. In her reflection, she became less defensive. I felt compassion toward her and her struggle. I saw her less as a villain and more as a person with the same struggles as I have.

I think you are an honest blogger. Real life comes out in your writing. I know very few people with your richness.

I can only share my experiences in this journey. With your last blog, I couldn't help thinking about how we make our spouses our parents or how we become parents to them. It is insidious and we cannot help ourselves at times. So we do what we do and we unconciously coerce or manipulate so we can in turn feel resentment and anger ad nauseum. I feel sad for the times I behaved this way in front of my child. That is one of the most regretful things I live with. As I think about this, I wished I had in fact divorced my spouse sooner to stem our affect on him.

I don't know how good we really are at healing those wounds. All I know I am committed to this. Even in a new relationship, there is strong evidence of how I recreate parenting and being parented. It is a bitch!!!