Feeling Sad, Insecure and Lonely?

So I went to a bar, really not my thing but I went with a friend... and I just feel worse now...

I saw this beautiful girl, talking to a guy, and I could see in her eyes she was very attracted to him... She would never be attracted to a guy like me... I am not attractive, not unattractive either, but just average...

That made me feel sad, and just it feels like the only way to meet people now is to go to bars and clubs, and buy expensive drinks, drop a lot of money and be really good at flirting and being very hot/attractive...

So what do I do? I'm shy and really not into the bar/club scene and I am so old at 24... I don't want to be lonely anymore...

Do I just have to get used to going to bars?

Nothing has worked for me... I know that I am not perfect, and not super hot/attractive, but I always felt that one day I would meet/bump into a girl and everything would go well and we would fall in love...

Most Helpful Girl

What should you do? You should work on building your confidence and constructing a solid self-esteem. You should also stop comparing your journey to the journeys of others or assuming that other people have more rich, fulfilling love lives based on the brief seconds you observe in public.

A relationship is not the end all-be all of human existence. That’s just an idea generated to the public to boost sales of fairytales, movies, music, and plays. The truth is that some relationships will completely rob you of all that is fruitful in your mind. They will drain you of energy and hope in the opposite sex. Some relationships will simply fizzle out and the experience just does not excite your spirit anymore. Some relationships aren’t as much fun when you truly get to know the person and see into their heart. Some people are dominated by such horrible habits that being in a relationship with them will begin to feel more like cleaning up a junk yard then actually having one of those charming, lovely experiences you’ve seen about on T. V. Don’t assume that you’re missing out because in actual reality, you probably aren’t. A true relationship is hard to find and it tends to find you.

If you’re lonely then perhaps it’s because there’s a shortage of healthy friendships and family relationships? How’s your social life?

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I do understand that people have their own lives and problems, so I try not to judge because I don't know anything about them or their relationship and this helps me.

I am really sucked into that idea, I did fall in love once but it did not end well... I really just want to experience a relationship... Everyone talks about going out, dating, sex, breaking up, drama, etc... I am just like I have been single my whole life, and apparently I am lucky.. but I don't feel lucky, I feel like a loser and there is something wrong with me that I can't get a girl.

I am lonely, my social life has really gone downhill after college...

All I do is work, but I have to work because I am supporting my family as much as I can and end up working most weekends, missing lots of chances to go out with friends, date, go to events...

Being single does not make you a loser. Sometimes being single is one of the best favors you can do for your future self if you are intentional about how you spend your life and how you treat yourself. It may not be that you can’t get a girl, but that it’s bad timing. Relationships and dating tend to be overrated and break-ups suck. Don’t be obsessed over getting a girl especially considering that a lot of modern day females are not relationship material. A lot of females aren’t going to be loyal to you, they don’t have what it takes to be a one woman support system, they may not be good nurturers, and/or they have so many issues that they can’t unlock their potential anyway. Step out of the fantasy land you’re in when it comes to relationships and dating.

It sounds to me like you are struggling with severe depression because you are not happy with your place in life. A relationship is not a remedy to depression; it’s just a temporary fix. You have to get to the root of the problem and address it in a healthy way.

Growing out of friendships is perfectly natural and okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself for that. It’s a natural process of life because your identity is advancing and what used to satisfy you as a friend will no longer suit your needs.

So, you have to work in order to sustain income but make sure you make time for events and good memories. Is it possible to call off work in advance or have a specific, set schedule? I also think you should start going to the gym to gain strength and work out. This will increase your confidence, release endorphins in your brain that make you feel happy, and help you stay proactive. Do you have any hobbies? Do you like to read?

That is true about females, maybe I do need to realize I am fantasy land and need to step out and be more realistic… But this makes me sad because then I feel like there are no “good girls” left in this world, and if there are… they are rare/hard to find…

I am not sure the root of my problem, maybe it’s my job or career? I don’t like either…

I guess I do have some form of depression, I wish my life was better but I do accept it. I do go out to some events and do book off vacation, I work 2 weekends and have the other two off… so if something comes up last minute I can’t get a day off…

I try to go to the gym at least once a week, I did lose a whole bunch of weight but maybe I need to weight train? I still feel sad though...

Hobbies, I have really been struggling to find hobbies and passions in my life… I do read books, nothing mainstream though, I like working on my car, driving around, star gazing, watching movies, traveling...

Sorry love, but you are in fantasy land. You are completely unrealistic about how relationships work and how they really feel when you agree and commit to dealing with whatever measure of issues and struggles another person has. If they battle with mental illness, depression, narcissism, self-harm, mommy/daddy issues etc, that is now your battle to fight with them.

It's not intelligent or wise to label and categorize women as "good girls" and "bad girls". We are simply women who have had aspects of our identities robbed and altered through good and bad life experiences. There are a lot of nice females who have bad, downright dirty sh*t happen to them and it's a process to uproot whatever painful seeds grew weeds in their minds where they should not exist but that doesn't make them "bad" and incapable of being good people, doing good deeds, and having a good impact on you.

I could be wrong because I don't actually know you, but you strike me as someone who's very depressed and thinks a relationship will solve all of your problems and make you happy where you're not. It doesn't work that way, love. You have to get to the root of what's keeping you from being happy before you can even properly function in a relationship. Don't accept a "bad life" that makes you miserable: CHANGE IT.

If you don't like your current job then take the initiate to find a new one. If the career path is an issue, then save as much money as you can and perhaps go back to school. Don't just wallow in an environment that makes you miserable.

You get to have two weekends off so take advantage of that and go explore the world. Plan a weekend trip to Niagara Falls just to get away and be reminded of all the beauty there is to appreciate in life. Start going biking and hiking! Do some rock climbing. Try painting or playing an instrument.

Find a really nice park and take the time to go there and read. Get involved in your community by seeing what kind of volunteer work you can do or seeing if there's some kind of program you can get in that strives to have a better community. Ask around at work or check in your local newspaper.

Fitness is very important especially as we age. If you do not take care of your body, your body will not take care of you. Physical inactivity and neglect will start to show with health problems later on so it is very important that you get up even when you don't want to and work out. Do some cardio to keep that heart healthy by jogging, running, or even boxing. I suggest combat/self-defense training for everyone. Go to bodybuilding. com and set up a fitness plan for yourself. This in itself is a way to be proactive and productive. Also, put the right foods into your body. It will improve your energy level. Start making smoothies and maybe try getting into cooking.

Listen. This life is temporary. This body is temporary. So it’s important to figure out what you need to do to make your life a better place and take action before your time is up. Don’t waste anymore time wallowing and living a miserable life.

Also, it's okay if you don't enjoy clubbing and drinking. I had my fair share of party days but those activities get old and become unfulfilling.

Clubbing and partying is not for everyone. Not everyone has the personality to participate in partying and clubbing and actually enjoy themselves. Not only that, but some clubs suck lol They’re really lame, unimaginative, and boring. You’ll go to clubs where the crowd has a bad vibe; either people are super lame and don’t get on the dance floor or you’ll sense a lot of jealous females (and sometimes males)/ some sort of negative energy.

You are way too hard on yourself and I can tell that you probably put yourself down in your head. A lot of those “extroverted, hot party animals” are not even good company. Trust me, I’ve met tons of them. They have the arrogance to believe they’re good company but they’re usually just really obnoxious, pushy, too straight-forward, in your face, and some of them almost come off as desperate for an ego stroke or really needy for female attention. A lot of them don’t even know how to dance, they just literately rub their d*ck on you and that’s all

Most Helpful Guy

What Girls Said 2

Experts say that if someone is looking for a long term relationship the last place people will go to is to a bar or a club try some different places maybe the library , park , cafes , even walking around in your area. Some people even find dates at the grocery store because you don't need to have a lot of time to go there and why not kill two birds with one stone. If you don't like the bar and you continue going there you will probably find someone who enjoys the bar. At public places you will probably meet someone with the same situation as you.

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That is true, If I meet a girl at a bar she probably likes that kind of life style and It won't work out because I don't. Plus I am looking for a long term

It's hard to meet girls, I can maybe small talk a girl here and there but it seems like they are just doing their own thing and don't want to be bothered or harassed. I had one girl really upset that I said hi to her once, and another was very upset that I held a door open for her...

You seem like the shy type. I'm shy myself and I would actually love it if a guy approached me just I may not behave like I'm too happy about it , I would probably hide my face a lot or stare at my phone and blush like crazy. I think the best ones to approach are the kind that have their head buried in a book at the park because they are clearly introverts and guys aren't generally attracted to the quiet girl who may not have confidence. So there is a better chance she is single. Be greatful that you didn't have a girl scream and run away because you were not her Prince charming that happened to my brother and he was depressed for a while after. believe it or not there actually women online who are looking for their true love not some shallow hook-up I recently did a poll and about three people said they had married the one they may online. Don't lose hope there are more than 7 billion people in the world and somewhere is the perfect woman for you.

Yes exactly I can't tell you how many times my crush would walk up to me and I would act disinterested and it would of course give them the wrong impression people that are shy will generally avoid talking to those that they like for fear of rejection. The girls that are extroverted are more than likely looking for someone who also likes being social and if you dont want to be dragged out to the club then focus your attention on the shy girls. I'm glad I could help. Also next time you get taken to a bar have a look for the one sitting alone preoccupied with something else.

What Guys Said 2

You are pathetic. You are a shame for our cro magnon ancestors, you are desperate to have sex. Modern times pussified many men like you. My only advice is do not give a fuck women. Just study, work gather and eat alone.

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Not sex,

More a relationship, I am craving love, I want a girl to love me, someone to talk to, cuddle, watch movies with, go out with... just us against the world.

Fuck it, dude it is not the male nature. As long as you be so feminine, you won't have a relationship. You really sound desperate for a relationship or whatever. I know your mentality. I had it a couple of years ago. But, the peace is that, not trying to have relationships. Effort for relationship brings unhappiness. Believe me. Just live your your life.

Wow, is it really necessary for you to be so disgustingly condescending and demeaning in order to express yourself? He’s not pathetic; there’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable and asking for help when you need it. If you don’t have what it takes to be helpful, then maybe you should keep your mouth closed.

Asker, this rude guy is wrong. Do not listen to his negative, self-defeating words because they're false and they'll get you nowhere you want to be. There are a lot of females like me who don't have the attitude he's claiming we do.

You do not have to be aggressive and independent to get a girl. In fact, I was just at a huge birthday party by the river and this guy was so "aggressive and independent" that he became completely annoying and I didn't want to talk to him at all. He was too aggressive when I was on the phone in my car and he encouraged me to "just get off the phone and go with him to the party", he was too aggressive and boastful when talking about how he could dance, and he was too aggressive at the end of the party when we went to a bar and he tried to put his arm around me. Also, you're not necessarily "desperate" for having a dry season in life right now and being nice is a virtue so don't lose it.