Cancer brings changes

Breast cancer is like a broken record. It just goes 'round and 'round and 'round. I'll bet everyone knows someone whose world was toppled upside down by the disease.

The shock, the horror, the absolutely terrifying feeling that our lives have been ripped apart from us, that's how it feels when we're diagnosed.

A spinning top about to fall off the table . . . a raft that strayed too far out in the ocean . . . and that gorgeous sunset? We start wondering if it can be seen from the other side.

Not only do those thoughts occur to newly-diagnosed survivors, sometimes they're shared by survivors who have several years under their belt.

While cancer often brings to mind physical changes, sometimes I think it's the mental side of us that changes the most.

CONRAD

And why wouldn't it?

One minute we're having a good old time and the next minute, we're wondering what in the world hit us. Maybe that's a good thing to remember because it's humbling. It keeps us on track and reminds us where we were, where we are now, and where we hope to be tomorrow. We learn to take nothing for granted, and sometimes we have to learn when to fight hard and when to just maintain.

Sometimes, our best friends may tend to step back and we think they're bailing out on us. Be patient. They're hurting, too, and feeling powerless to help. It's often hard to let others see you hurting, especially when it's because of the thought that they might lose you. So they back off until they can catch their breath and be strong for you, too.

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And that's OK, though, because others will step up. Folks you might never have thought cared for you will suddenly be there every time you need a boost. They'll step forward from the crowd.

People will tell you how bad, or how good, you look. And some will rip your heart out by telling you all the gory details about how their friend, who had cancer like you, just died a horrible death.

After hearing that sentiment a few times too many, I looked right at the lady with the gleam in her eyes and said, "Thank you SOOOO much for sharing that with me right now."

I'm sure she hadn't meant it in a mean-spirited way, but it's hard to keep a positive attitude when folks can't wait to tell you about the ugly deaths of others. The last things a cancer survivor wants to hear about are stories of those who suffered until the end.

Hey, we're realists, not martyrs.

By this stage of the game, we pretty much know what can - or might or might not - happen.

And truth be told, sometimes we do get a little scared. And we wonder if we have "it" again. Oh we might mention it to others or maybe we won't because 1. we don't want to alarm them, and 2. we're afraid they'll think we're hypochondriacs . . . again.

We become stronger in many ways and yet we're brought to our knees.

We're more patient, but we don't want to settle for doing things that we really don't give a hoot about because we've learned that time is precious. Sometimes I feel like I'm watching the Timer of Life tick down and I try to contain and use all my minutes by doing things I love, hence the Bucket List.

We make the best decisions we can and hope for the best. And we pray. And pray. And pray. And we give thanks and cherish every day that we can place our feet on the floor.

We learn when to fight and when to maintain. We learn how to adapt and when to change.

And sometimes we're blessed to be able to find the butterflies, doves, lightning bugs, and all the other miracles that gently come to us when we least expect them.