It’s Her time. My mom’s time

Count those days, months and years that she carry me whenever I cry, give me milk until I fell asleep. From those sleepless nights that she sacrifice inorder to change me whenever I pee from my diaper and until now on my 18th year of existence my mother is still their showing her unending love, care and comfort us her children.

From childhhod to teeanage years it’s my time to return the love that my mother felt to us. For me discovering all the things that my mom love most is the best way to let her feel my love, just like cooking her favorite dish which is pancit cabagan top with quail eggs-this delicay is made of fresh miki noodles served with toppings, quail eggs, mixed vegetables and served with chopped white onion, calamansi and soy sauce on a separate small bowl-and I learned how to cook this dish from her, whenever she cooks I’m always at her side and she taught me how to prepare it that’s why when she is craving for pancit cabagan I secretly go to the kitchen and prepare her favorite dish. I always surprised her and I want her to be happy with just simple thing I want to see her face smile even though she is tired from work. It’s a great moment to share time with your mom even just a minute I always give her time.

When I was a kid whenever my mom live us and go to Manila she always come back with a pasalubong- toys,dresses, shoes, etc. and now that I am here in Manila whenever the semestral break is approaching I always think what could be the best pasalubong that I will give to my mom sometimes I bought her dress, accesories, and her favorite buko pie which she always ask when I go back to the province and the most important gift that I gave to her is my presence.

Business woman that’s what I see my mother even though she is getting older she always strive hard to make money for us her children. My mother always go here in Manila every two months she visit us at the same time get off to divisoria-the cheapest yet great mall in this planet- to buy clothes, shoes, bags, etc. and sell it to the province, this is part of her busines. I always accompany her and after shopping all this things here I am again carrying a heavy sock of clothes, sandals and accesories I’m not shy when I carry these things even though many people stare at me what is important to me is that I helped my mom and make her glad that I am always here for her.

As days goes by I want to let my mom feel my love, In return I always care for her whatever happens. There are many things that I could do inorder to let her happy but what is important to me is to let every moment cherish with my mom. I could not ask anything for her and I thank God for giving me a mother like her.

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20 Comments:

It’s nice to see how close you are with your mother by just seeing those lovely pictures. Just like you, I am very close to my mom, since then until now. I also remember the time when she changes my diapers, feed me with cerelac or a juice on a bottle (for your information, when I was a kid, I don’t drink milk, only orange juice. Richie is the brand.) Hehehe!

Talking about the content of your article, it’s just simple and understandable. No surprise, no goose bumps. The title would be better if you replace it with a more catchy one and the conclusion is also simple. However, I saw several glitches on your work.

These are:
1. Inconsistencies in subject and verb agreement, verb tenses, proper use of prepositions, and placement of punctuation marks.
“As days goes by I want to let my mom feel my love,”—go by
One example…”Count those days, months and years that she carry me whenever I cry, give me milk until I fell asleep.”
inorder— in order
2. Avoid writing complex sentences.
3. Always double check your work because it has too many typographical errors and misspelled words.

This article is quiet short, dull, common and written in a very conventional way. the only positive thing is it is honest, the message and the angle is not even clear. is it about the things that you like the most about your mom?

plus take not of these errors.

-my mother is still their showing her unending love, care and comfort us her children. ( its there, to us) prefer, ( Until now my mother is still very caring and thoughtful)

-As days goes by I want to let my mom feel my love, In return I always care for her whatever happens. prefer (as time pass by, I want my mom to feel my love and care)

there are also a lot of typo errors in this article.
be more creative next time..do your style and put some crisp whenever your making an article.

Don’t try to fit all your ideas on one sentence like the 2nd sentence in your lead. There’s just too much idea. Try to be wary of your phrasing the next time. “From those sleepless nights that she sacrifice inorder to change me whenever I pee from my diaper and until now on my 18th year of existence my mother is still their showing her unending love, care and comfort us her children.”

Here’s my suggestion: She sacrificed all those sleepless nights in order to change my diaper whenever I would pee on it. Now, I am on my 18th year of existence, and she never fails to show use her unending love, care and comfort.

Again, I recommend you to be wary of your phrasing and your sentence construction and grammatical lapses.

Try avoiding contractions like it’s, that’s and I’m

Change- top with quail eggs- topped with quail eggs

Typographical errors- delicay-delicacy

Spelling lapses- live-leave

SV agreement 4th paragraph– strive-strives
Inorder- in order

I wish you could have focused more on an angle like you and your mother’s connection through the pancit cabagan. I think your article would have been a lot better with that angle.

Your article shows how thankful and how loving you are to your mother. There were a lot of distractions in your article that is why it is hard for you to relay the message you want to send to your readers. Try to check your article before you post it online.

Your title somehow connotes the end. But then again, I was wrong. But I wish you could think of a more appropriate title that would give more a closer meaning to the content of your article.

You already have the idea but what seems to be so problematic to your article is that you don’t know how to stipulate every ideas you have in one focus.

These are just some of your lapses:

-In your lead, “Count those days, months and years that she carry me whenever I cry, give me milk until I fell asleep. From those sleepless nights that she sacrifice inorder to change me whenever I pee from my diaper and until now on my 18th year of existence my mother is still their showing her unending love, care and comfort us her children.”
You seem to command your readers. *she carried, *gave me milk until I fall asleep. The 1st sentence is hanging. 2nd sentence, *she sacrificed in order to change my diaper whenever I pee.
Your lead should be recast for it is vague.

-Be aware of your tenses inconsistency. Most of the sentences in your article commit grammatical errors.

-Be careful on shifting to another topic like in your 2nd paragragph. You seem to discuss a recipe than how your mother likes the food or how she cooks it.

-There is much better in presenting your idea. Try to pun words so you can encourage your readers to finish reading your article.

-I suggest that you breakdown first the flow of your story in such a way that you will be consistent in the theme of your article. There’s always a room for improvement. 🙂

your introduction was very good. It was actually one of the most dramatic stuff i have ever read here. However, the body of your article didn’t sustain the emotional appeal that your intro has. I suggest that you just focus on just one aspect of your mother and then expand that angle so that there won’t be a clutter of ideas.

Actually, all those who wrote about their own mothers are the best because it’s about how you feel and how happy you are when you are with your mom. I envy all of you because you have something to write about and you have this chance of returning back the favor to your mom. Good article!

However, our classmates were right, it is essential that you should proofread your article before you publish it. Here are some errors you have to consider.

“There are many things that I could do inorder to let her happy but what is important to me is to let every moment cherish with my mom.” – in order to make her happy
the others already posted the errors.
Use the right words in order to let your readers understand what idea your trying to grasp.
Re-reading your work is the best way, somehow, to check wrong grammars and spellings.

Personal articles are the most accurate and entertaining because it speaks of the reality. Yours is one of the best. On the other hand, your first sentence reads:
” Count those days, months and years that she carry me whenever I cry, give me milk until I fell asleep. ” -this can be revised to:
“Count those days, months and years that she carry me whenever I cry, give me milk until I fall asleep. ”
Good angle. (91)