Ladies and gentlemen, I have the dishonor of being the one that has to report to you that a man thinks he’s found the G-Spot, the controversial pleasure button that may or may not exist in female genitals, depending on your source, within the vagina of a dead 83-year-old women, which, if it turns out there’s only one G-Spot in the world, would explain why it was so difficult to find.

Adam Ostrzenski is a semi-retired gynecologist from Florida who flew to Poland to slice in to the lady parts of a freshly dead lady. And, yes, you’re right; that does sound like the plot to Hostel 3.

Why Poland? Because unlike America, where we like to give dead bodies at least a few minutes to cope with their recent deadness, the Polish have no laws disallowing you from immediately dissecting a body. So, in Poland, you can be shot in the head at 8:02 PM and be a med student’s final exam by 8:07 PM.

After what I’m sure was some very scientific and analytical staring at a dead lady’s vagina, Ostrzenski made an astonishing discovery – the G-Spot. Or so he thinks. He found a small cluster of “erectile tissue.” A more disgusting way of saying it would be “Lady boner skin.” The tissue was found within a tiny sac deep inside the vaginal wall, and Ostrzenski thinks this is fabled G-Spot. Others disagree, including Beverly Whipple, who popularized the term “G-Spot” in 1982, claiming “No, there is not an ‘it’! It is not one entity” and “That dude couldn’t figure out how to pleasure a woman with one-million bucks in grant funding and a dildo on a jackhammer.” One of those two quotes is real. I’ll let you figure out which.

This is great news for men that have no idea what to do with a vagina when they encounter one, and bad news for feminist slam poets.