Learn which physical cues can help you get what you want in stressful circumstances

When faced with a tense situation, you may have learned the right words to smooth things over and appear confident—but what about your body language? The way you sit, stand or gesture can be a giveaway for how you really feel. To guarantee the best impression possible, make sure your speech—and body—send the right signals. Whether you're asking your boss for a raise or meeting the in-laws for the first time, read on to learn the right physical cues to use.

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1. Disagreeing with your boss
Whether you're making an argument for a raise or feel you've been unfairly treated at work, discussing sensitive issues with an authority figure is never easy. Begin the conversation by listening, advises Greg Hartley, former U.S. Army interrogator, body language expert and author of I Can Read You Like a Book. "Get their whole [opinion] out in the open. If you know their entire argument before you start, you can respond." Whatever is said, avoid putting up a barrier—a hand, your bag, "whatever else you have between yourself and the person with whom you are speaking," Hartley says. "Don't block the person out. It's like any other negotiation. The goal is to get them to agree." Be calm, and show you're engaged by nodding as they speak. "If you play badminton back and forth, you're going to lose because they're prepared for the argument," Hartley says.

2. A first date
A first date can be a nerve-wracking experience. As a result of feeling jittery, it's common to clam up, which is often conveyed through crossed arms, leaning away or fidgety movements, such as picking away at a beer bottle label while talking. To appear more approachable—and interested—try leaning slightly forward, advises Ann Demarais, PhD, psychologist and interpersonal style expert. It also helps to sit up straight or stand tall and avoid slouching. "If you stand straight and have a prideful stance, you come across way more positively," she says. Eye contact and smiling are also very important. "One study that followed an attractive woman in a bar found that eye contact alone didn't work; but when coupled with a smile, she could pretty reliably coax people over," Dr. Demarais says.

3. Meeting your future in-laws
Here's a situation when it's especially important to make a good impression—resulting in excess nerves that can often work against you. "Because of adrenaline, our natural tendency when we're feeling stressed is to speed up," Hartley says. To halt that impulse and show grace under pressure, he advises developing a "trick," such as curling your toes in your shoes. It's hidden from sight, and will help your cognitive-thinking mind to regain control over your instinctive fight-or-flight mentality by forcing you to focus on an action instead of letting your nerves take control. When meeting the in-laws, it will also help to embrace your position as the newcomer. For example, Hartley advises playing up your deference to your mother-in-law; cast your eyes down to break eye contact while thinking over responses, and avoid rigid movements. Most importantly, "mirror [your mother-in-law's] body language. Don't try to be her, but if she's a slow talker, slow down; if she's a fast talker, speed up. Try to make her as comfortable as possible without pretending," he advises.

4. A job interview
Similar to when you're on a first date, smiling, eye contact and posture is key when interviewing for a job. Dr. Demarais says the goal is to communicate "strength, confidence, poise and likability." Jonathan Alpert, a New York-based licensed psychotherapist, recommends sitting straight in your chair to show you're engaged, but not too relaxed. "Lean forward to show interest and tilt your head to emphasize it," he says. "Keep your hands on your lap or on the armrest, but don't be afraid to use them to make a point. It's a good way to inject energy into the conversation."

5. Giving a work presentation
In addition to standing tall to project confidence and making eye contact to connect with your audience, Dr. Demarais says movement is important when presenting information. "You want to project energy. It's about using your body and using your space," she says. That means illustrating your points with your hands at appropriate times; doing away with "barriers," such as a podium; and pointing at your materials or someone in the audience when they answer something, says Hartley. You want to be prepared, but relaxed. To achieve this, Hartley recommends practicing what you will say, but not rehearsing the entire presentation. "Know the information inside and out but don't memorize it. When you're responding, you want it to look natural," he says.

6. A confrontation with your boyfriend or husband
The best way to make your man pay attention is to be as clear and concise as possible. "Don't rattle on," Hartley says. Emphasize each point by making a downward chopping motion with your hand. "Stop between points to make sure it's registering. Silence is one of the most powerful tools you can learn," he says. Being quiet can also facilitate the discussion when he's trying to talk. Avoid objecting or interjecting while he's speaking. "If you nod while he's talking, he'll lay out his entire argument for you," he says. Once you have all the facts, then you can approach the subject more clearly and well-informed, and speak from a place of confidence.

7. A work-related cocktail party
There really is no best way to stand at a cocktail party, especially if you're on your own. Whether you decided to hold your arms behind your back, hook your thumbs in your pockets or hold onto a glass, the most important thing is to look at ease, in order to convey an air of approachability. "People want to talk to a person who looks confident," Hartley says. If you scan the room—or are approached—and aren't sure you recognize someone, try quickly raising your eyebrow. "When people recognize each other, their brows always rise," Hartley says. "So if you don't recognize someone whom you think you should know, raise your brow when they come over." You can also use this to your advantage as an ice breaker with people you don't know. "It will get people's attention and make them wonder why [you raised your eyebrows at them]. They'll come over and ask, 'Do I know you from someplace?'"

8. When you've made a mistake at work
Begin by putting your face forward—literally. The placement of your chin speaks volumes, Hartley says. If it's too high, you'll look indignant; too low, and you'll look weak. Holding it straight on and squarely in the middle exudes confidence as well as compromise. You want to appear sympathetic enough that your co-worker or boss won't continue to reprimand you for your actions, but not so much that you appear to be a helpless victim. Once you've made your mea culpa, follow through with a positive can-do approach. "Lay out your plan and illustrate it with your hands as you're speaking. Then stop and raise your brow and hold it up to wait for approval," Hartley advises.

9. Negotiating a better price
When negotiating, you want to project inflexibility. You want to convey the fact that you'll consider options, but ultimately, you have a bottom line. Hartley recommends a firm stance and language to match. Stand straight with your head forward and eyes locked with theirs. Illustrate points with your hands, and be prepared to talk quickly, playing on their emotions. If they're about to disengage or disagree, "soften up and back off," he says. "Show a little bit of defeat. Look down, so they think they have the upper hand." If they then lower their price, dive right in with the number you're hoping to get.