Insiders say Britain’s financial regulator is planning to ‘do something’, possibly as early as next year. Details of the anticipated action are unclear, but the Financial Services Authority, which is employed to govern and regulate the banks, is rumoured to be anxious for some kind of ‘eye-catching initiative’.

Senior members of the FSA are known to have held an emergency meeting, and brainstormed ideas for stunts that would win the public’s approval. A cleaner who saw the flip chart notes, says some of the early ideas mooted were ‘a competition giving away a free iPad’, ‘some kind of web site or Twitter thing’ and an ‘FSA trade magazine with a celebrity on the front’.

Another idea the committee liked involved some kind of commitment to diversity, or a statement about people needing to recycle more, or something. Though there was a lot of enthusiasm for this ‘strong, well thought out concept’ it was shelved because it was discovered that OFCOM is planning something similar.

In the end, the committee decided that it was time to ‘get tough’, very publicly, on people who steal pens from banks. ‘This is costing banks anything up to £50 billion a year, and could be the real reason why Britain has gone into an irreversible decline.’ said one insider.