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I was asked to replace a timber floor on a verandah, for some friends. The demolition is always fun and as expected, I uncovered old bottles and cans, a dead cat, a rat’s rest with a hundred empty snail shells, and not to mention spiders and cobwebs, that hadn’t seen daylight for fifty years. I replaced the bearers and joists and all I was waiting for, was my delivery of beautiful, jarrah floorboards.

It was also my mother in law’s eighty-seventh birthday and I said that I would make a cake. I decided on an Opera Gateaux, knowing that she would find it delicious. I had only made a boiled fruitcake before, but how hard could it be? All you have to do, is follow a recipe.

I whisked the egg whites to firm peaks, then folded them into the cake mixture. After baking my sponge, it cooled and I carefully cut it into three thin layers. I boiled the butter cream for five minutes until it was thick and sticky, then whisked in the egg yolks until it was thick and cool. I was preparing the ganache; gently melting the chocolate, as the milk came to the boil. I was slowly combining the melted chocolate to the hot milk, when the phone rang….

“If you could wang it on the right side of the drive mate, just don’t ding the house with ya truck, then shut the gate after you, that’d be ace” I said in my building site voice, as I prepare to fold the cream into my chocolate mixture.

I was watching a small swarm of blowflies savagely working over a dead possum. Each fly seemed to be working hard on its own patch, with its own task and not getting in any other fly’s way. It reminded me very much of a modern jazz band, with each musician playing a different instrument, with a different task, in a different location on the stage.

The only difference was the hum from the blowflies was easier to listen to.

Roy loved the world of hi tech. He was driving in his hybrid car when his mobile phone rang and it automatically switched to voice mail. He was unable to answer it, as he was preoccupied with searching for a public toilet. He was using the National public toilet search app on his dashboard computer and the screen showed the exact location of the nearest public convenience. Roy activated the AUTO PILOT option by voice recognition and the car started to drive itself; automatically. The car navigated and stopped automatically outside the modern public toilet. The seatbelt released and the driver’s door opened; automatically. Roy then got out of the car and walked towards the toilet with a semi-restricted gait and a slight touch of urgency. His stride increased when he saw the green light, next to the closed door, indicating that the cubicle was vacant. As he got closer, the infra-red sensor detected his presence and the door opened; automatically. When he stepped towards the toilet, the door closed and the music started playing; automatically. The turntable on the floor spun Roy around one hundred and eighty degrees. The toilet lid then opened ninety-eight degrees and the toilet seat automatically heated itself quickly to thirty-seven degrees; body temperature. Roy hastily grabbed at his belt and with not much time to spare, undid the top button on his now, very tight trousers. He then pulled down on the soon to be noticed faulty zipper, which came off cleanly in his fingers. The zipper was jammed and his trousers were on for good. The toilet seat was warm and beckoning, the Eagles were singing “Take it easy” in the background and all Roy could do, was fill his trousers; automatically.