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Israel to make audacious bid for Putin

The state of Israel is thought to be planning a transfer bid for Russia’s Vladimir Putin when the summer transfer window opens, claim reliable sources.

An Israeli spokesman is quoted as saying ‘Yes, our scouts have produced glowing reports on Vlad. He has shown the ability to invade other people’s territory when the natives get restless, which would fit in beautifully with our style of play. He would make the perfect replacement for Netanyahu when he decides to step down. We feel the change of scene would be good for Vlad, as he has taken Russia as far as he can. Poland is a no-no.’

It is not known whether Putin will make the move, but his thirst for blood and foreign land makes it highly likely that he will go if he can agree personal terms, which would include killing all the gays and atheists.