Pastor Greg Laurie of Harvest Christian Fellowship in California offered tips for a healthy, biblical marriage in a recent message titled “Marriage 101,” the third session in his “#RelationshipGoals” series.

The pastor, who has been married to his wife Cathe for 44 years, began by stating that while there are “biblical allowances” for divorce, most divorces today “could’ve been avoided.” In fact, he argued that the reason most marriages fall apart boils down to two issues: selfishness and communication breakdown.

“I go into a marriage saying, ‘That person has to fulfill me, that person has to meet my needs, in fact, I’m going to fix that person,'” he said. “Never marry someone you think you’re gonna fix, because they’re probably going to get worse … Marriage isn’t so much about finding the right person as it is being the right person.”

Hollywood and the culture today have “little to nothing to say” when it comes to healthy marriages, Laurie said, referencing the high divorce rate among celebrities. In fact, many movies and TV shows “make a joke out of something sacred,” he added, urging listeners to “strike out altogether” the idea of living together before marriage, as studies show that couples who do so “have a higher divorce rate.”

“I wish that we could strike the word ‘divorce’ from our vocabularies,” he said. “We throw it around way too casually … don’t even go there.”

While a rising number of Americans divorce due to “irreconcilable differences,” the pastor argued that there’s actually “great freedom” in marriage, because “what you have is an incredible mobility, a freedom to do what the Lord would lead you do to.”

Still, Laurie encouraged single people to remember that while God has handpicked someone for them, they first must find their contentment in Jesus Christ.