Thursday, August 7, 2008

Not quite slick enough

Yesterday my blog got more traffic than it has ever gotten before. I do not know what yesterday's guest post was about (and believe me, it was a HERCULEAN EFFORT not to look. Seriously, harder than Weight Watchers). But I do know that I am THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who is still in the dark, because the rest of the Internet visited my blog yesterday, prompted by Swistle.

The funny thing is, usually I don't even LIKE surprises. But this one? People keep telling me what a great surprise it is, and being all cute and sly about it, and I am so delighted that there is a surprise! I am just really, really curious about what it is!

Anyway, MOVING ON. Last night I went out for sushi with a friend of mine, and afterward we went to the cutest little shoe store. While I was there, I was tempted to buy approximately seventeen thousand different purses, but I RESISTED. I did not buy a SINGLE BAG even though they were all SO CUTE.

I did, however, have a moment of temporary insanity that caused me to try on a pair of black patent leather platform wedges with black and white striped heels, sort of similar to these:

I KNOW. What was I thinking? I put them on and looked at myself in the mirror and it was like an overgrown five-year-old in the most ridiculous pair of Keds I've ever seen. My friend was super sweet and tried to convince me that I could totally carry them off, but I knew better, and so the shoes went back on the shelf.

Lesson learned: There are some things that I just can NOT pull off. Let's add to the list: aviator sunglasses, criss-cross wraparound tops, baseball caps (I get the puffiest case of hat head), and true red lipstick.

What about you? What are some of the things that sound good in theory, but make you look or feel like a complete and utter fool?

37 comments:

Tucked in shirts. I mean holy crap I never looked put together b/c the moment I tuck in a shirt I look like a complete tool. I wish I had Emily Proctor's body. Every time I watch CSI:Miami I think "damnit, why can't I look like that?"

Skinny jeans, high waisted shorts, aviators and those new weird glasses that were big in the 80's... I'm not sure if they have a name, one piece swimsuits (i have a REALLY long torso so they all look strange on me), strappy heels, and knee-high boots.

I am so glad to learn from the comments that I am not the only one who struggles with button downs! Every time I read an article on "5 classic pieces for your work wardrobe" or some such they always mention the white button down, and I'm always all "WHERE? Where do you find one that stays tucked in and is cut in a flattering way that does not make me look like a linebacker?"

Ahem. Other no-nos: skinny jeans, anything with a puffed or cap sleeve, tunics, and pointy-toed flats.

I think a funny day would be to don all the things you think you can't carry off, and see what it looks like! At the very least you'll give yourself a laugh. Or maybe, 4 disasters will combine to equal a miracle! Or, just laughs.

I can NOT do wedges. I just can't stand them. And I also have a hate affair with button down shirts. They look so cute and business-y, but with a chest like mine? There is always a gaping whole in the front where the buttons are waging war against each other. It's a complete disaster. You'll see.

Those cute little swing coats that have been so popular this past yearr. I have an apple shape, so I just end up looking like a particularly flared out apple. :\Also, strappy sandles never work well on me because I have "Flintstone feet".