Wednesday, May 25, 2016

More Stuff that Larry Twicken Says

Those who’ve been following this website for a while should already be familiar with Larry Twicken of Saddleback College, an intellectual cavalier of the Howard Zinn Order who “professes” a great many revealing things to students of his political science classes. Last year we provided a short-form overview of the lecture he most prizes, that being his sensational, “f____ing incredible” rebuttal of the “mythology” of Christopher Columbus. Unfortunately, in our rush to share Mr. Twicken’s sage discoveries with the world, we ended up excluding a myriad of one-liners that didn’t make it into the pilot episode of his classroom drama. Taken straight from the Author’s notes, these quotes are intended to emend that error.

On religion:

“From a scientific
perspective – you know, facts – one story [in the Old Testament] makes no
sense: Adam and Eve.”

[In an earlier class] “People
say to me, ‘Jesus loves…’ What if Jesus
was at the border? Would he say, ‘Get
the f___ out of here!’ The Jesus I know
would say, ‘Give me a f___ing hug.’”

[In another, later class] “You
can’t make religious arguments about marriage or the Constitution.”

“My church is 98%
Afro-American.”

On the Declaration of Independence:

“One people didn’t include American Indians or
African-Americans.”

“The Pursuit of Happiness
clause was implicitly racist, because it was about avoiding confrontation with
the king over slave ownership. Changes
were made to minimize U.S. hypocrisy.”

On factions and due process:

“The first question is, ‘What
the f___ does factions have to do with the Constitution?’”

“In America, if you’re in a
small group of people, a hated group, you’re f___ed.”

[Doing his New Castrati voice] “But Mr. Twicken, what about freedom?”[Mr. Twicken voice] “I’m the majority, I don’t need to give a
s____ about that!”

“Judges very rarely throw out
evidence. Only on TV is evidence ever
excluded.”

“With checks and balances,
Bush and Obama can’t do ____ about immigration.”

[On Bradley v. Milliken] “Now the Supreme Court says it’s not their
business where people live. In 20 years,
we’ve gone backward.”

On the Constitution and original intent:

“No right is absolute, nor
can be denied absolutely.”

“Originalists are like Biblical literalists.”

“The Constitution means
everything and nothing at the same time.
The Constitution is not written.”

“Separation of church and
state is not in the constitution, but it’s an established legal concept.”

[Draws a diagram of the
judicial spectrum, with activism/Progressives on one side and
restraint/Originalists on the other]
“Good judges are somewhere in between.”

“The Originalist view is just a view, not the view. It’s kind of bogus.”

Size doesn’t matter, or does it?

“The problem with the Tea
Party is that the Constitution was created to make a huge government.”

[Speaking by analogy about
Madison’s goal of “extending the sphere” of government, basically spreading
representation across a larger area] “I’m
trying not to look at any of you in particular, but… When I was in my 20s, if I
could get my hands on a bare, naked female breast, I never thought, ‘Well, what
if it was a little larger…’ I would be so
grateful.”

“The truth is, the white man
was afraid of that bigger, blacker penis.
If his wife gets a hold of that, no way she’s going back.”

On the media:

“The media has a marginal
impact on politics.”

“There is no liberal media.”Just in case you got the wrong impression. He goes on to explain that the media get their money from advertisers, who want to appeal to the center, and therefore journalists cannot exhibit a political bias.

“Newspapers were way more
biased in early history.”

[On the KFI talk radio hosts] “John
and Ken are reading straight from the L.A. Times.”

On John Kasich:

“I think that Donald Trump is
really just in it for entertainment value… The governor of Ohio is the real guy you
should be watching in this race… I can’t remember his name.”

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Cote Keller

My name here is Mr. Author, but some people call me Cote. I consider myself laconic in speech, Mere Christian in faith, and quasi-Randian, classically liberal, borderline libertarian, rule-of-law radical for federalism in politics. The purpose of these files is to expound what such a person believes and why.