p.1 #1 · p.1 #1 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

I'm not a wedding photographer. I'm not even a professional photographer.
I'm a hobbyist/student with a website and not even very good to begin with.

Here's the story. A sister of my wife's boss is getting married and she found out (I
would assume she was told by her sister) that I am a photo student. My wife asked me about a
week ago if I would shoot her this woman's wedding. Before really giving it thought my knee jerk
reaction was "No, I'm not a wedding photographer" and that was that. Or so I thought.

Fast forward to today, I call my wife at work and her boss picks up the phone. Once she finds out that it's me,
she immediately questions my decision of turning down the job (in a respectful way, she was pleasant about it. )
She goes on to tell me how great her sister and herself think my photos are, and they would love to have me do it.
I tried to explain to her that the difference between the photography that I do (studio, little kid stuff etc) is that it's usually in a controlled environment and that there are second chances where there isn't in wedding photography(as far as I know). I also explained to her that I've never shot a wedding before, and the closest thing to it was a child's birthday party. She asked me to reconsider. She also tried to soft sell the wedding. She explained it was a second marriage and a small reception. I told her I would give it a second thought.

There's a lot of homework ahead of me if I accept, so I guess I want to do my research before I give her an answer.

I would imagine the given things I must do is:

- Scout out the venue, look at my options with light and angles.
- Rent better equipment, and use mine as a backup.
- Set up some a contract.
- Get ideas from other weddings.
- Maybe hire an assistant

But what am I missing? Where do I go from here? If I do this, I want to be as prepared as can besides lack experience.

p.1 #4 · p.1 #4 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

What Kurtis said. I am tired of people said he/she HAD to shoot the wedding. Just admit it whether you want to shoot it or not. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. If you really want to shoot it, shoot it. If you dont think you have what it takes, let someone else do it.

p.1 #5 · p.1 #5 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

Let me make something clear to you, they are asking you because they know you and think they'll get a deal. Not because they think you're God's gift to photography. This happens every day to photographers of all kinds and at all levels. They confirmed this by 'selling' you on their wedding being a second marriage etc. and downplaying it. This isn't that important to them, and it's going to do very little to help you prepare to shoot weddings if you really want to pursue it, IMO.

Do whatever makes you happy, but be honest with yourself about what that is.

p.1 #6 · p.1 #6 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

Robin Usagani wrote:
What Kurtis said. I am tired of people said he/she HAD to shoot the wedding. Just admit it whether you want to shoot it or not. Nobody is holding a gun to your head. If you really want to shoot it, shoot it. If you dont think you have what it takes, let someone else do it.

I don't think I ever said that I had to do anything, or I felt obligated in anyway. In fact, without looking back at my OP, I'm pretty confident that I turned it down from the gate. If anything I made it pretty clear that I am well aware that the choice is solely mine to make
.
Don't know even know how you came up with this kind of reply in the first place.

p.1 #7 · p.1 #7 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

TTLKurtis wrote:
Let me make something clear to you, they are asking you because they know you and think they'll get a deal. Not because they think you're God's gift to photography. This happens every day to photographers of all kinds and at all levels. They confirmed this by 'selling' you on their wedding being a second marriage etc. and downplaying it. This isn't that important to them, and it's going to do very little to help you prepare to shoot weddings if you really want to pursue it, IMO.

You're not telling me something I don't already know. I'm well aware of the downplay, where again, I already said that she tried to soft sell the wedding. If they weren't trying to get a deal, they would have consulted with an established professional wedding photographer. I know, they see photographer they think pictures not genres.

None of that concerns me though.

Do whatever makes you happy, but be honest with yourself about what that is.

It's no sweat off my back whether I do it, or don't do it. As I said, I'm not a wedding photographer but the experience of shooting a small reception has become intriguing to me. Regardless, as I said, I want to be prepared for this wedding if I decide to do it. I'm not starting a wedding photography business after this one wedding.

I don't know what warranted the cynical replies guys, just looking for advice about preparation.

p.1 #8 · p.1 #8 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

Ballistics wrote:
I don't know what warranted the cynical replies guys, just looking for advice about preparation.

Every month or so (and sometimes more often than that) someone posts that "Hey, I am doing this wedding. I don't know anything about weddings, and I don't really want to do it. But, I feel like I have to do it. Like I said, I really don't want to. I am kind of stuck. So, how do I do it?" And, it has gotten to the point that they just get called out on it...that they either secretly want to do it (most common) or that they don't have the balls to stand up and just say "no." I am not saying that is what you are doing here...it just happens a lot. So, the guys are just saying basically that...if you want to do it, fine...just admit to yourself that you really do want to do it and get one with it. Or, say no and don't do it, but don't use any external expectations or pressures as an excuse.

p.1 #9 · p.1 #9 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

joelconner wrote:
Every month or so (and sometimes more often than that) someone posts that "Hey, I am doing this wedding. I don't know anything about weddings, and I don't really want to do it. But, I feel like I have to do it. Like I said, I really don't want to. I am kind of stuck. So, how do I do it?" And, it has gotten to the point that they just get called out on it...that they either secretly want to do it (most common) or that they don't have the balls to stand up and just say "no." I am not saying that is what you are doing here...it just happens a lot. So, the guys are just saying basically that...if you want to do it, fine...just admit to yourself that you really do want to do it and get one with it. Or, say no and don't do it, but don't use any external expectations or pressures as an excuse....Show more →

So how do I get lumped in with these people, if you aren't saying that I am doing what those people do?

p.1 #10 · p.1 #10 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

OK,

keep it simple (two cameras, two lenses, maybe even one, def. not renting something you donīt know)
stay close, but donīt be annoying
try not to miss important situations, but don,t be... see above
get the moments in between, nice candits etc.
get good (natural) light for the portraits
deliver only your best shots and tell the story

p.1 #11 · p.1 #11 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

The fact that this is your wifes boss would scare me. What if you totally blow it? That's a very awkward situation. I think I'd pick something less close to home! Why not offer to help them find a good wedding photographer instead.

p.1 #12 · p.1 #12 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

I said PEOPLE.. I didnt mean you. Sorry if you felt that way.

Ballistics wrote:
I don't think I ever said that I had to do anything, or I felt obligated in anyway. In fact, without looking back at my OP, I'm pretty confident that I turned it down from the gate. If anything I made it pretty clear that I am well aware that the choice is solely mine to make
.
Don't know even know how you came up with this kind of reply in the first place.

p.1 #14 · p.1 #14 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

julieawhitlock wrote:
The fact that this is your wifes boss would scare me. What if you totally blow it? That's a very awkward situation. I think I'd pick something less close to home!

That's something that she would have to worry about in the end. I've already established to her personally that I have no experience in wedding photography and that the pictures I take in a studio is nothing close to event photography.

Why not offer to help them find a good wedding photographer instead.

Because I'm not the one getting married. And just because I take pictures, doesn't mean that I am a scout for other photographers.

Yeah, I'm not terribly worried about that aspect. But again, I've made it pretty clear to her that I have no experience and
when I speak to her again I will find out what her expectations are and tell her that I can't make any promises via contract.

p.1 #19 · p.1 #19 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

Im going to be blunt. You are still toying with the option of possibly doing the wedding. You said you told them no, but now you are second guessing. This is why TTL, Robin, and many others, including myself feel like we can group you in that set of people who Kurtis talked about earlier.
Plenty of seasoned pros have told you don't do it, it's not a good idea, etc.

You go on this forum asking for advice, and many have chimed in to say no. Instead of saying ok yea Im going to turn it down, you play it off saying well that's what I'm thinking and I really really really tried hard to say no......and you let this conversation drag on, because you either deep down want to do it and just want to come on here to hopefully get approval to go ahead, or you are a people pleaser and feel like you are somehow obligated, or you want to make some extra bucks and this is good practice. Just don't do it and be done with it. Trust me, it's not worth it since this is your wife's boss. We are being harsh because in the end, if anything goes wrong, your wife may end up dealing with and hearing about it. Walk away. Stop entertaining the possibility of shooting the wedding.

p.1 #20 · p.1 #20 · Being asked to shoot a wedding when you aren't a wedding photographer

Daboyle wrote:
Im going to be blunt. You are still toying with the option of possibly doing the wedding. You said you told them no, but now you are second guessing.
I'm going to be blunt back. I didn't ask anyone if I should or shouldn't shoot this wedding. Also, there's some seriously messed up reading comprehension taking place. I said that I said no, and then when asked again I said I would think about it. I'm thinking about it. I don't feel obligated to do it. I like the idea of gaining new experience. I don't know why you guys keep talking to me like I'm talking in some weird code that you all have figured out. There's nothing hidden in my message. I'm thinking about the idea, because that's what I said I'm doing. I'm thinking about it. I didn't say yes, I said I would think about it. Is that clear yet?

This is why TTL, Robin, and many others, including myself feel like we can group you in that set of people who Kurtis talked about earlier. Accept it or not, you obviously can't just say no and walk away- you ARE one of those people. Grow a pair, say no, and be done with it.

Well, Robin and Joel already clarified that they didn't group me into that set of people. And why should they? Nothing I said even remotely enters into that passive aggressive mindset.

Trust me, it's not worth it since this is your wife's boss. We are being harsh because in the end, if anything goes wrong, your wife may end up dealing with and hearing about it. Perhaps if you were a wedding pro it would be a different story, but you aren't, so this is not a good situation to be in at all. Walk away.