Sunday, July 26, 2009

It's A Celebration (Bitches)

Ed. Note: I'd had this idea for awhile. The nets needed a blog that delves into, or "goes in" on, all the miscellaneous shullbit that happens in Hip-Hop. Everybody has an opinion, and most of the time we hear the negatives. So rather than try to weed out the negatives and make them positive (which never works), I figured I'd take all the negative stuff that Hip-Hop has going on, and try to see if there's a way to use it to trigger some type of debate. We'll see what happens...

Now, let's start this ish off right...

-----------------------------------------------------

Congratulations to Kelis! The bossiest of the "Bossy" is the mother of the just-dropped Knight Jones, who if you didn't know, is kinda like a big deal. According to People Magazine, he was born Wednesday, weighing 7lbs and 8oz. He's also the son of Nasir Jones, aka Nastradamus, whose ability to foretell the future seems to have had no power over today's divorce courts. That's because either Knight, or Kelis's ability to birth him, is worth at least $44k a month in post-labor settlement cake.

Although this story has ignited lots of public opinion this week, I haven't really heard any women around me saying how great this is, and hopefully that's for a good reason. Women should not be happy about this, since I believe that it's going to have some serious bad effects on their prospects for marrying a rapper. Not as if marrying a rapper is the best idea in the world, but it's the next best thing to bagging an NBA or NFL player, Hollywood star, or even a doctor or lawyer who likes groupies. There are few weekends in Atlanta in which the radio stations don't promote some athlete-featured party at The Velvet Room or somewhere, and they never forget to remind the ladies that "so-and-so" from the Buffalo Bills, or "your boy" from the Cincinnati Bengals, will be in the building. And as you'd expect, there's always a resulting line down the block of tight-dressed... ladies.

Kelis, lest we forget, is a star in her own right. She's had several successful singles ("Caught Out There", "Bossy"... hell, that's more than most people get already), and could easily get with the right songwriter/producer and make another huge hit record. But why do that when you can earn over half a million dollars every year doing nothing other than raise your son?

Word is, Nas left her high and dry. He took away all that money he was making that afforded Kelis the lifestyle to which she was perfectly entitled, and told her he was out. Yet Kelis was a star when she and Nas met. If she had to marry Nas to get a better lifestyle than she already had, it means that either she had already spent too much of her money before they met, and therefore had to rely on his income, or that she was a groupie all along. I mean, she did get in the game off Pharrell's back, or vice versa...

Russell Simmons doesn't pay that much to Kimora Lee, and he's paying for two daughters. Not to mention that Russell is probably worth a lot more than Nas, and that he really did cake out on Kimora, thus making himself vulnerable to that argument that when you set a woman up for a certain type of lifestyle she's never experienced, you'd better be ready, willing, and able to maintain it -- even in divorce. Puffy got an NY court to reduce his payments to Misa Hylton-Brim from $35k four years ago, to $22k, to $19k at the present. He's rich.

Nas, on the other hand, says he's not, and I believe him. Sure, he has money, and he can still earn more from future albums, touring, and other means of capitalizing off of his stardom. But that doesn't mean that he's supposed to take what might be the highest child support judgment amount in Hip-Hop history, just because Kelis is too lazy to make good music. But whatever.

Again, congratulations, Kelis. You've pretty much single-handedly destroyed whatever chance that other groupies ladies had to pull one of the top rappers in the industry and milk them like cows for their high-value fertility. And maybe there's nothing wrong with that.