Black Love: Let’s Kill the Assumptions.

(ThyBlackMan.com) Black love is beautiful, but too many of us can’t access it because we have bought into the propaganda of what a black man, and a black woman has to be. We’ve decided, for many reasons, to play the game of assumption as we have a hand in destroying each other. It is easy to scream black people are not a monolith when dealing with other areas of racial oppression, however when it comes to love…black men are and black women are is to often used. If we believe the system is plotting on us in various ways, and the racism is aimed to destroy us why would we believe the media hype regarding each other. I understand many black men and women can say their perspective is derived from their personal experiences. However, they don’t know every black person and often times they aren’t giving the other person what they themselves expect. In the journey to strengthen black love we must make a conscious effort to kill the assumptions we perpetuate. It is also important to take a hard look at self before beginning to speak on the faults of our counterpart.

All black men are not dogs. Many of them are hardworking, educated, love their children and are very dedicated to their wife. They don’t have to look unfortunate to achieve this. Every black man doesn’t hate black women in some form. Every black man doesn’t sit back and allow black women to be disrespected in his presence. Yes, there are many black men that will, and do, fight for us. With that being said there is a need for black men to begin to speak up about mental health issues, and abuse. there is no way to know how to be a good partner to someone that is dealing with pain but refuses to acknowledge such. Black men need to understand every black woman is not the same. There are many that believe in them and are invested in them. They must come outside of themselves to know black women are also hurting and dying right along with you. When black men are killed black women are left to shoulder family and community. Black men are needed, and the assumption that they are weak and less than doesn’t stand. Black men do need to make sure they speak out against the harm of black women not just socially, but within family and amongst those closest to them. Women can scream all day respect us, but men need to hear that argument from other men. It is important to not there are black men that do these things.

All black women are not crazy. Many of them are compassionate, caring, loving, educated, fair in parenting, and dedicated to family. Black women are not ugly, nor mannish. They have no problem submitting to proper leadership, nor being protected by a strong man. Many black women do not see education or success as something to hold over a man’s head. There are sisters out here that are not gold diggers. Every black woman is not dogging out black men and calling them worthless, nor keeping children from them. There are black women that stand with black men in both love and solidarity. With this in mind black women must remember every black man is not the same. Every brother is not responsible for the pain that many black women have endured. Its hard to see at times but they are just as abused as we are. We must understand every black man is not intimidated by us.

There are brothers out there that see us as the standard of beauty and grace; we must see ourselves in this light. We know sisters we know that have problems with the father of their children, but this is not the case for all sisters. There are black women that are able to successfully co-parent with black men. We must also sisters that make being an involved parent difficult for black men. As with black men we must be willing to address our own when we know they are abusive towards black men. There are some things a woman is only willing to hear from another woman.

Every, Always, and Never are word that can lead an assumption and they are usually wrong. No one wants to be perceived negatively and feel they must constantly defend their character. For black love to continue and thrive black men and women must put the stones down. We must stop pointing fingers as if all blame in the area of black relationships belong to one side. Black men and women have hurt each other, and they have uplifted each other. It is important that we don’t let our interactions with a few, and the perspective of white America, determine how we see each other as a whole.