What Everyone But You Sees About Your Body

Talking trash about our bodies has gotten so bad and so common that a few months ago Glamour reader and jeans saleswoman Gyasi Atkins had to write us to vent. "I finally started telling my customers that they are not allowed to use the word fat in my presence," wrote the 22-year-old from Columbus, Ohio, who has helped thousands of women find the right jeans. She got us thinking: What else do people with a front-row seat to women's body issues see? Atkins and seven experts who look at women all day, every day agree that we're way too hard on ourselves. They believe you can correct your body-image distortions without lying to yourself—and even look hotter in the process. Listen to their words of body wisdom.

"Your body doesn't deserve to be bashed!"

—Gyasi Atkins, Saks Fifth Avenue sales associate*

"Of the 100-plus women who walk into my department every day, almost all will ask me to help them find jeans to fit their fat' butt or big' thighs. Instead of letting them feel flawed, I try to convince them that hiding under oversize Mom jeans and baggy T-shirts is distorting what they look like and how they see themselves. I insist that they put on at least one pair that shows their butt so they can see how much more flattering a fitted silhouette is.

"I also don't feed into negative language. Terms like chunky, huge and gross don't belong in my store. It's partly selfish: I don't want to be influenced by their negativity. Besides, if someone came in and started beating up my customer, I would intervene. The same goes for verbal self-bashing. I like to think I'm breaking a cycle. Even a half hour of seeing your body in a positive light can help."

"When you focus on the body parts you love, your flaws' fade away."

*—Madame Athena Chang, portrait photographer *

"I shoot nudes, and looking at a roll of film frame by frame, I can literally see the moment when a subject has forgotten about what she considers her problem areas. She's stopped slouching, rounding her shoulders or even posing. To help her get to that point, I ask what she's most proud of—her arms, legs, breasts, whatever—and I shoot it. Then we look at those shots together and, more often than not, when she sees them, she comes up with other things she likes. Of course, you don't need to take nude photos to start feeling better. Look in the mirror and focus your eyes and thoughts on what you like. Do this once a day and you'll be amazed at how your flaws' become a tiny portion of your beautiful whole."

"Sometimes the people who love you the most can be the most judgmental about your appearance."

—Harriet Sedgwick, bridal gown consultant

"As much as brides want others' opinions about how they look, it's best for them to follow their inner voice. I once had a client who was a size 24. Judging from what she wore to the store, I could tell she knew exactly how to dress her body. She really wanted an A-line dress with back pleats, but her mom insisted it made her butt look huge. After trying on tentlike styles that hid her lovely curves—to please her mother—she was mentally exhausted. I felt so bad. I called her the next day and said, Honey, you're going to find that dress. Stick to what you know you look good in—and you know!' All women should tune out what others say if it conflicts with what they believe. When you stay true to yourself, you feel good."

"Self-consciousness is getting in the way of your pleasure."

—Jennifer Phillips, certified massage therapist*

"A lot of my female clients make anxious comments like, You've probably never seen thighs this big,' or they apologize if they have a day's worth of stubble on their legs. It'll take a few sessions for them to relax and enjoy the massage.

"Meanwhile, my male clients don't care. They're hairy, sweaty, often overweight—and completely at ease from day one. They'll climb on the table, fall asleep and start snoring. They're happy to have their beer belly massaged. Sadly, I don't often ask women if they want me to work on their abdomen because I've learned how uncomfortable it usually makes them.

"Physical pleasure cuts stress, boosts your circulation and improves sleeping. So when we let our imperfections' get in the way, we're cheating ourselves out of powerful health benefits."

"You already have body confidence—you just have to tap into it."

—Ellie Krieger, R.D., author of The Food You Crave and host of the Food Network's* Healthy Appetite

"Early on in my work as a dietitian, I developed a matching policy. Each time one of my clients said something bad about her body, I'd ask her to match it with a good thought. If she told me, I have dimples on my thighs,' I'd push her for something like, My legs are strong and do what I need them to.' If you feel silly saying it out loud, you can say it in your head in front of a mirror. The idea isn't to constantly have perfect' thoughts or words—that's unrealistic and draining. The goal is to balance the negative with positive."

"A power stance' makes a big difference in how you're perceived."

—Andriette Holmes, personal trainer

"I teach women execs who work in male-dominated industries to stand with their shoulders back, navels pulled in, chests up. It says, Hey, I'm worthy.' When you're not all pretzeled up, you exude confidence."

"You can have dessert."

—Rosanaly Diaz, waitress, The Chocolate Room

"When women show up with friends at the dessert restaurant where I work, they indulge happily. But as soon as guys are around, women insist they can't handle their own slice of cake. I want us to quit worrying about what we assume guys think. Ladies, order your own dessert!"

"A good tailor can make all the difference."

*—Joseph Ting, owner of Dynasty Custom Tailor *

"Eighty percent of women who come into my shop aren't happy with their bodies. But clothes are based on models who have very specific proportions, so the way I see it, size doesn't matter. Instead of being obsessed with reaching a certain ideal size, find yourself a good tailor. Sometimes an alteration of a half inch is all it takes to make a piece look truly amazing on you."

"We have curves for a reason."

—Sue Baelen, licensed midwife

"Since pregnancy is such a transformational time, I use the opportunity to plant seeds with expectant mothers. I point out that women's bodies are soft and round for a reason. For example, hips widen to accommodate the weight of a new life. And what we call the pooch—the slight roundness of the belly—stores needed estrogen. We've been poisoning ourselves with unrealistic images for so long that we see these parts as liabilities. But we can create life, for God's sake! So I want all of us, pregnant or not, to embrace the changes our bodies undergo as a part of the natural order of things."

Once and for All: The Sexy Things Men Really Love

We asked guys all over the country to tell us what their ideal woman looks like, and every one said the same thing: "Confident!" Here's what else turns their heads:

"What makes women so interesting to look at—and touch—is the contrast between their smaller, smooth areas and the plump, soft ones." —Sam, 25, St. Louis

"I'm a big man, and I like meat on my bones. If I had to pick the perfect size, I'd say 12 to 18." —Allen, 39, Stony Brook, N.Y.