Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I think I went there...

I think I went there to find myself. Who is Sandra, what does she want, what makes her happy, what makes her tick. I wanted an answer, anything that would show me the way, the path, my path. I didn't mean it literally but, that was what I received.

A literal path of dirt and rocks and gravel to follow. One rock, gravel road, big rock, pavement (that's odd), more gravel, dirt, grass..but still a path..leading in this direction. So then, I too, will go in this direction.

I found quiet. Too quiet. I found peace. Too quiet. I found serenity. And yet still, too quiet. Perhaps it was just something I was not used to. The sound of sheep being herded in the distance, a child giggles off to my right, a hammer pounds in the far off distance, a ragged breath, a heavy footfall, a pebble. I hear water gushing down a brook. And yet, I still hear the quiet.

Perhaps it was the massive awe-inspiring mountains to my right, the hollow sound of the wind-torn grass to my left, the heavy footfall of my boots on the gravel road that made me painfully aware of the quiet. Or maybe it was the quiet making me painfully aware of the noise in my head. Telling me to stop, listen, watch, see...telling me to squelch the constant noise that I am hearing and listen to the quiet.

This was the reason I was here, was it not. To stop for a minute, a second, a nano-second. To see. To listen. To accept that I am more than the noise in my life, I am more than my commitments, my deadlines, my dread. Here, in this quiet village on top of this quiet mountain, life exists; it flourishes, it smiles, it punches me in the face with a stunness I did not expect. It was I who came here to prove something but perhaps it was this place that brought me here to learn something.

Far away from a bustling, hustling, loud city that bombards me with noise, I can hear a pebble drop, I can hear water rushing down a brook, I can hear the wind whistling through the grass and yet, it is quiet. And, it is in this quiet, that I know who I am. Finally, I can hear myself.