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Monday, February 9, 2015

Exposed

I really don't care for "letting go", it's an action I'm only now coming to feel more comfortable with.

When I surrender to what is, or the moment, there is this rawness and I do feel exposed.

All of my guards are knocked down, and it's real.

I got to be real yesterday.

I pause to use the word "again" at the end of that. I pause only because the first time I auditioned for Listen to Your Mother Chicago in 2012, though the words I shared were real, I didn't feel real...or comfortable.

I felt fine yesterday. I also know that the ultimate decision on whether what I have chosen to share gets selected, or not, has little to do with my words and more to do with the symphony of motherhood that the producers are trying to orchestrate. The ebb and flow, the highs and lows...it all needs to flow.

So, I wait.

And I know, that if it's meant to be, it will be.

I will say this, though. This whole processes of letting go, surrendering and becoming comfortable with the rawness of exposing myself is all thanks to Listen to Your Mother. It was my participation in the 2012 show that was the catalyst for everything that I have been able to achieve artistically.

I do not take that lightly, and feel both blessed and indebted for that opportunity.

And still...I wait. And, if it's meant to be, it will be. But, I got to let go just a little more yesterday and it felt great.

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