DateMarch 1, 2009

Tomorrow scares me. It scares me in the same way next week, next month or next year scare me.

Perhaps that is partially why I’m not much a planner of things. There is a looming uncertainty that the future carries, it is both scary and exciting. But it is there. This uncertainty, it is there. And it (or something about it) scares me.

The past also scares me (though not as much). If the future looms then the past lingers. It’s all there, a part of me I leave behind. Whether it be on the blog, on forums I’ve participated in, things I’ve said to people, my moments of anger, my moments of passion, my grade 3 report card. It is all there, a part of me that has happened.

But the past is gone. I cannot change it, I cannot control it. It has happened and that is that. I don’t have full control over the future, but the future does offer an illusion of control.

So yes, the future, it scares me. How can any one with certainty say “tomorrow” or “next year”? “Next year” is even scarier than “tomorrow” because there are hundreds of “tomorrows” within a “next year”.

“Oh, I missed the event? I’ll go next year.”
“Let’s meet up next week.”
“I’ll do it tomorrow.”

How can one be so certain? I certainly cannot.

I suppose this is why we say “inshallah”. An insurance of sorts, or recognition of the certainty we’ve uttered but by ourselves cannot afford.

I guess what I take away from this is that if there is something I must say, then I must say it now. If there is something I must do, then I must do it now. Opportunity is today, tomorrow is a privilege.