Learning to embrace what's before me and thriving as I push through

I have had it on my mind and heart to post for awhile now. I just haven’t known what to post about, so I have put it off. A few days ago, I realized it has been a month since I last posted and I had been posting 4-5 times a month. It made me think back on the last month and come to terms with why I have been silent on my blog….

It has been a difficult month.

Molly officially moved out on May 22nd. The heat has come full force. Weiland got out of school for the summer. Marty is more attached to me than a magnet on cobalt. I’d be lying if I said that I was successfully choosing joy while keeping my eyes on Jesus.

I so want this blog to be a place of encouragement and inspiration for my readers as the waves of life hit you. I haven’t felt like I have been able to write from a place of encouragement and inspiration so I just haven’t written.

I don’t like that.

I started Kay Warren’s new book last week called “Sacred Privilege” that my super sweet and thoughtful friend, Kristen, ordered for me. Kay wrote it for pastor’s wives and it could not have come at a more perfect time. Yesterday I read a chapter talking about the importance of leading vulnerably through our brokenness and difficult seasons. It reminded me that I have always wanted to be that kind of a leader so here I am writing to all of you in the midst of a difficult season 🙂

Something that has not changed, for the first time in my walk as a Christian, is that I am still in the word daily. Journaling, listening to messages, Hillsong United’s new album on repeat, and continually conversing with Jesus. It has been so incredible to be in the midst of hardship and yet still so close to Jesus. Jesus never promises us an easy life, He just promises us to never leave us as we live our lives.

Hebrews 13:5b – “God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

What I want to commit to all of you is that I will do my best to do the following: 1. Fight frustration and depression from cabin fever brought on by the burning sun. 2. Trust Jesus every Sunday evening as I hand over Molly to her mom that He will continue to fight for her and protect her. 3. Attempt to be the best possible momma to my boys by plugging into patience and grace with Weiland as I navigate his high level of energy and ADHD as well as embrace how much Marty loves me and try to remember that these days are short lived…

What can you do with your areas of frustration? How do you spend your time? What do you listen to? What do you watch? How is your abiding in Jesus looking? The Bible is very clear that apart from Jesus we can do nothing. Abiding in Him is essential in getting us to where He wants us and were we will thrive! Where is your commitment level to being surrounded by other believers that will encourage and inspire you in your walk?

We are in this together! Please don’t try to do this life alone!

Now, hopefully I will be back more frequently than the last month! Until then…hang with Jesus, hang in church, and hang with those that make you want to be more like Jesus 🙂

Moana has been on repeat in my house. Marty LOVES it. He has moved on from Trolls and will only watch Moana now.

I am thinking that it is because I have been raised in the church, but the “Jesus” in things that are not meant to be “Jesus” stick out to me. Moana is anything but a christian movie. It’s actually quite the opposite.

Moana from as early as she can remember feels called to the Ocean. Her dad is adamantly against it as it is very dangerous because of a curse that has fallen on it. Moana is supposed to take over as chief of their island, and her dad wants her to focus on that, but the inner drawing to the ocean won’t die down. She knows that she was made for so much more. It comes time that the curse has begun to take over their island and there is no more food to harvest and the only way to heal the land is for Moana to go past the reef and “restore the heart of Te Fiti”. She is scared. She is ill-equipped. She’s never been trained as a way finder. She is an ordinary young girl setting sail who has NEVER before gone past the reef. There are times that she wants to give up on her voyage of saving her island. She cries, screams, and actually begs the ocean to pick someone else. Eventually, realizes it needs to be her and she can do it. So, she takes on the challenge, restores the heart, and heals the ocean and islands.

Here it comes, we as Jesus followers are made for so much more. We are Moana! Matthew is very clear that we are called to go out and make disciples. Our houses may be safe. Our jobs may be comfortable and stable. Our circle of friends works great as is. Our family is perfect as a family of 4. Our lives consist of predictability as much as we can help it. Saturday soccer and baseball games. Sunday morning church. Monday thru Friday, 9-5 jobs. Our finances are all allotted for, even the statistical small percentage of church members giving their 2% to the church. Beyond the reef is scary.

There are storms, uncertainties, and we are so ill-equipped. BUT, beyond the reef are widows, orphans, lonely hearts, homelessness, churches parched dry in need for volunteers, and the hurting and lost hearts of the community remaining hurt and lost because church members are holding on so tightly to their wallets.

Maybe God is asking you to make a career change. Maybe God is asking you to downsize. Maybe God is asking you to adopt or foster the orphans in your backyard. Maybe God is calling you to sign up for that mission trip. Maybe God is saying it’s time to go off birth control. Maybe God is asking you to move. Maybe God is asking you to step out and serve in the kids, students, greeting, or production departments of your church. Maybe God is asking you to open your wallets and either begin giving your first 10% of what He has blessed you with, or for those of you that maybe already give, but definitely not the 10%, are being called to step it up. Maybe, just maybe, God is speaking to you that it’s okay to miss a baseball or soccer game once a month so that you can be more involved serving in your church. It will be a powerful example to your child that Jesus will always come first in your family. Maybe it’s time to join a small group!

I don’t know what your “beyond the reef” is. BUT, I do know that when you agree to go, God will equip you. God will sustain you. God will provide for you. God will use you. If we could all link arms and take on “our island”, revival would happen. I believe 100% that God would rock your worlds in ways that you cannot even fathom. His blessings will pour out like a waterfall over you and your family as you obediently set sail. I am not saying that it won’t be scary, that it won’t hurt, or that it will be easy. But, I can promise that it will be worth it.

I really want this blog to be Jesus inspired. Because of this my posting is sporadic. No rhythm or rhyme to it. I don’t want to spend my time or you to spend your time on anything that will not draw either of us closer to Jesus and His massive heart for us. That being said, I was sharing something that the Lord spoke to me this morning with my mom and she nudged me in the direction of sharing it on my blog. So, here I am! 🙂

Recently a friend told me that it seems like I have been knocked off my track. It definitely resonated with me. It was a light bulb moment of giving words and an analogy to what has been going on internally. I have been doing my best to choose joy. I have been doing my best to rest in God’s strength and peace. But, I have felt this side swipe and haven’t been able to pinpoint what triggered it until this week.

My head has been in the clouds. My head has been 5 -10 years down the road. I have been striving and pushing because I have been so pumped about my future. My dreams, goals, and passions have surpassed where my feet are currently planted. My happiness has been in what is to come, not what is currently present. When this reality hit me a couple weeks ago a heaviness fell on me. A disappointment. A dark discouragement. I was thrown off my track by my reality.

My reality of a recent diagnosis of ADHD over my precious boy, a reality of saying good bye to by baby girl, a reality of diapers, a reality of being in the trenches as a mom. I have not been present. I have been holding out for what is to come instead of sitting on the floor with my kids. Playing Wii Mario Brothers with my 5 year old. Instead of sitting with my amazing husband after bedtime, I have blogging or vlogging to have my outlet of ministry. Not that outlets are bad, but the priorities need to be in place. My passions, dreams, and goals have become more important to me than my husband, kids, and dreams.

Because of my head being in the clouds, I haven’t been able to soak in the magnitude and amazingness of God’s work right here were my feet are planted. Baptizing a mom from the table I lead at Mom2Mom at church. Sharing in the lives of hurts and miracles of the women that I weekly sit next to at the groups that I attend. Being able to tell my foster daughter’s birth mom to go to the dealership because she had a car waiting there for her. The chance to serve and love weekly on the littles of our Children’s Department at church.

Friends, God is at work all around us. TODAY. Today, we have our kids that look to us for leading, loving, and playing. Today, we have friends that could use a spontaneous coffee, card, or maybe flowers. Today, some of us have a spouse that could use a letter of encouragement, maybe their favorite meal, or even just our attention. Today, we have neighbors that don’t know our amazing and mind-blowing Jesus. Make them cookies, drop off a card, or even invite them to church! Today, we have co-workers that just need to be heard, loved, respected. Today, we have single parents, homeless families, and/or unemployed hurting people surrounding us that could use some financial help that we are able to provide.

This morning when I was praying and reading through John I was overcome by God’s character and love. I realized that Jesus is my dream. Jesus is my goal. Jesus is my purpose. Jesus is my future. TODAY, Jesus is enough. Day in and day out as I cling to Him, I will remain close to HIS heart. I know for me I prefer my head and heart being close to Jesus over a cloud. 🙂

I think we all need to just trust God’s pace. He wired us. He knows us. If He has whispered a dream to you, it will come to pass in His timing. Tuck it away, and pursue today and all that it has to offer. Before you know it 5 years from now will be here. Don’t miss out on where your feet are planted because you’re stuck in what you hope is to come.

Allow Jesus to sustain you in this season. Look all around you and you will see Him. You will see opportunities to be tangible Jesus in the lives around you. In your home, in your work, in your church, in your kid’s schools, and in your neighborhoods.

We are the hands, feet, heart, and eyes of Jesus while we are here on earth. Join me, look down where your feet are planted and find joy in serving Jesus no matter what your circumstances are. The less we focus on our challenges, the more selfless we will become.

The buzz has begun, the greeting cards are out and the the Etsy advertisements are suggesting. It feels like the pregnant bellies and ultra sound pictures are popping out faster than the spring flowers. Mother’s Day is upon us.

You swear, you are the only woman on the planet that is not a mom yet. You are dreading Sunday, already planning not to leave the house, turn on the TV, or go on social media. You feel alone. You feel tired. You feel sad. Nothing that anyone says to you makes a difference. You’ve read the verses, you’ve heard the sermons, and maybe you’ve even read the blogs. You feel the real, the gigantically overwhelming, and almost unbearable weight of infertility more so this time of the year than any other.

This may be the hardest post that I have ever written because I know. I have been there and some days I am still there. For the last 8 1/2 years, I have read the blogs, heard the sermons, and got the verses. You are not alone.

My attempt through this post is to prayerfully have it be your manna even just for todays.

Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to mourn. Allow yourself to be authentic and honest in your pain. Maybe it’s early on for you and it’s the very first negative pregnancy test that you’ve seen, maybe you just had ANOTHER miscarriage, or maybe you are 10 years in of longing to be a mom but there just isn’t anymore a doctor can do. I don’t know what your specific situation is, but I do know that Jesus is intimately involved in the details. He sees you. He cries with you. He holds you. You are not alone. There are over 200,000 cases of infertility a month. 1 in 3 women miscarry. Not all women know that they have miscarried and even those that do know, don’t talk about it. It can be so lonely. But, it is happening all around us.

I remember when I miscarried on Christmas Eve of 2009 I was crippled with a crushed heart. My mom and sister had to drive out to the desert from Murrieta to pick me up because Jason had all of the Christmas Eve services to play in at church. It didn’t make sense why and I was so sad that my greatest heart’s desire couldn’t be met. Totally out of control. Nothing I could do to be a mom.

God is the creator of life and if it isn’t His timing, He must be up to something. He is intentional. His ways are higher. His thoughts are greater. After my miscarriage my doctor told me he was surprised I got pregnant when I had PCOS. I thought, “Awesome! number 1 leading cause in infertility. I got pregnant and lost the baby!” (insert sarcastic tone)

God has continually been present. He has never left my side. He has continued to be my daily manna. Negative test after negative test. Failed fertility treatment after failed fertility treatment. He was and continues to be my strength. My joy. My peace. My completion.

You are not broken. You are on a journey designed by God. The author and creator of life is at work and can be trusted. He is writing a story in you that will far surpass anything that you can fathom.

So, this week leading up to Mother’s Day, I am thinking of you that long, pray, and weep over becoming a mom. I am confident that Jesus will meet you, comfort you, and be your manna as long as you press in to Him. Put on the worship music, take your thoughts captive, cling to His Word. Pamper yourself. Get your nails done, get a massage, and go get a delicious meal. Celebrate YOUR story that God is INTENTIONALLY writing.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about foster care and our experience with it.

We have adopted 2 out of the 5 foster children that have been placed in our home. Coincidentally, the boys are who get adopted and the girls are who we have had to say good bye to. For as long as I can remember, I have always envisioned myself as a mom of boys so it makes sense to my brain. Still hurts my heart to lose our girls, for sure, but SO thankful for my incredible miracle boys!

Throughout this journey with our current foster daughter, a reality has smacked me in the face. If more Jesus followers would participate in the foster care system with the mindset of not only fostering these children, but fostering their parents as well, I can’t help but imagine the impact it would have in our respective cities.

We are in the process of watching a miracle unfold before our eyes. That doesn’t mean that there are not hard days where I want to crawl into a hole, but the only way for me to explain our relationship with our foster daughter’s mom is miraculous.

God is an incredible multi tasker and He knew what He was doing when He asked us to say “yes” to this beautiful baby 20 months ago. If I would have known all of the twists and turns along the way, I can’t say that I would have said “yes”. I wouldn’t have been able to dream up or comprehend that it could ever turn out the way it has, so I probably would have backed out. How tragic!

The fact that we have been able to raise this miracle the first year and a half of her life is amazing, but what’s more amazing to me is the relationship with her mom that I have gained. This mom just needed someone to believe in her, assume the best for her, and unconditionally love her. It is not Jason and I that have done this, it is Jesus who, for some reason, has entrusted us with her and loves her through us. We GET to be the people who have a relationship with this mom. It is an honor and privilege to know her and do life with her.

It hasn’t always been easy. We have had to build trust with each other. Us with her because we knew about her past and her with us because we had her daughter and she has had many relationships fall a part and break her trust. Once the trust was built with this birth mom, it became easier. NOT easy, but easier.

The most difficult of the journey for me right now is consistently being misunderstood. Misunderstood by pretty much everyone surrounding the birth mom, except for her, thankfully! She has been amazing by being open and honest with questions and concerns as they arise. Because of the trust we have built early on, we always get through whatever it is that she has been told about Jason and I.

Last week I finished up reading the book of Acts and it was comforting to me to see how often Paul was misunderstood. Misunderstood even to the point of beating and imprisonment. I am so thankful that I have not had to face the severity of his misunderstanding! Paul was just trying to preach truth and love those around him to Jesus. It hit me, if people don’t know Jesus, His love is going to confuse them. When confused, people try to make sense of what they don’t understand. In attempting to make sense, they would come up with lies that made sense to them.

Our love for this baby girl and our love for her mom confuses the CPS workers, birth mom’s friends, and some of her family members. This love that we have is the supernatural love that God has for us. It’s the love that He calls us to pour out to all those that we interact with. Even when it hurts. Love Does, as my hero, Bob Goff yells from the roof tops 🙂

What if, what if we as the Church embraced the foster care system? What if we as the Church loved so well that the confusion would fade because workers, parents, and foster care children came to know Jesus and His love for them?!

As Jesus followers, I think more of us need to embrace these kids AND their families. We are all just one bad decision away from being in their same position. Hurt people, hurt people and we are all broken and far from perfect. I know it took me a LONG time to even meet our foster daughter’s mom because I was scared. Too many unknowns. My fear nearly kept me from having one of the most amazing relationships that I have ever had. I learn from this courageous, hard-working, and determined momma on a daily basis. She encourages me, inspires me, and makes me laugh regularly.

So, what if…What if, we as believers took on the foster care system. Not only to provide loving and stable homes for these kids in a scary and sad time in their lives, but also their parents!? What would God be able to do in us and through us if we would just say “yes!”??

It’s been just over a year since we purchased our fixer upper. When I say fixer upper, I mean fixer upper. Nothing has been touched in it since the 70’s. I am hoping that our 2 air conditioning units will make it through another summer. Our pool pump went out, without any notice of it not working properly, this week. We have had one thing after another that needs fixed or replaced.

All this to say, I have an ongoing and massive “honey do” list. I don’t meant to….BUT…as Jason, I mean literally as he is finishing a project, I am asking him or maybe some times telling him in a spoiled way what to do next on the list. Without ever giving him time to enjoy the project that he just finished and, I am ashamed to say, without ever thanking him for finishing the project that he just finished.

He usually looks at me and responds with an eye roll or smirk 🙂 Much more graciously than I would respond, for sure!

It wasn’t until this week that I realized what I have been doing to poor Jason for the last YEAR. Thankfully, Weiland helped teach me 🙂 I was grabbing a spoon and milk for Weiland’s cereal on Monday morning and as I was literally opening the drawer to get the spoon, Weiland asks, “can I have some juice?” I looked at him and said, “there is only one of me and I am still trying to get you your cereal.” It seems so small, but I felt so unappreciated. He hadn’t even had a bite of the cereal and there was no thank you for the cereal, just another demand….Oops.

Right away, in the midst of responding to Weiland it hit me, this must be how Jason feels around the house. I felt horrible. This was just getting cereal! This wasn’t hanging drywall, painting, laying tile floors, trimming the trees, or any of the other one million things that Jason has accomplished in the last year around the house. Not to mention the ongoing maintenance of both vehicles. I thought to myself, “he must feel so under appreciated.”

That morning, I apologized to Jason and thanked him for how hard he works around the house and just for our family in general. I could tell that the apology meant a lot to him and breathed life into him.

It is crucial for thriving and healthy relationships that we make an intentional effort to appreciate those around us. Not just appreciate them in our heads and hearts, but to their faces. Maybe through a card, or a coffee, or our powerful words.

It breathes life into our bones when our work goes noticed. At least, I know for me it does. I know the Bible talks about doing all that we do for Him and not those around us, but we are human and could use some appreciation and notice every once in awhile.

So, right now…send a text/email, write a card, deliver a coffee, have flowers delivered…whatever works for you, but do something to let those on your team know that you appreciate them!

It has been a week full of mommas reaching out to me. Not just any mommas, these are tired, depressed, aimless, frustrated, and lonely mommas. Mommas who love Jesus and love their babies. I just keep telling each one of them, “you’re not alone”.

These women are drowning in guilt from yelling at their kids, using the TV as a baby-sitter, or lack of self-care. Life seems to feel like it is swallowing them up, leaving them with just a small amount of fight left in them. There is also a common frustration and sadness of a disconnect with their spouses.

I do my best to encourage them and point them to scripture, podcasts, and worship music. Ultimately, I just want all of these amazing and beautiful women to know that they are not alone.

I am one of these mommas. I regularly tell myself that I am not alone. I regularly fight the overwhelming guilt that arises from yelling at my kids, using the TV as a baby-sitter, and not taking care of myself. I have also felt it when disconnection rears it’s ugly head in my marriage. So, I put on a podcast, I listen to worship music, or I read the Bible.

So, if you are reading this and you fall into the category along with all of us tired mommas doing our best but some days just feeling like we are falling short. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are in this together. I promise that as soon as you call out to Jesus, He will meet you! He will be your security. He will be your peace. He will be your strength. He is good and He is faithful. There are days when I go to bed feeling like a failure as a momma and the minute I call out to Jesus, He comforts me with the truth that I am not alone and how much He loves me. Without fail, EVERY TIME, Jesus speaks life and prepares me with a fresh batch of grace as I approach the next day.

I want this for you SO BAD…

Life was not meant to be lived alone. God is relational and and we were created in His image. Where ever you live, I am sure that there is a local group that you can be a part of. Use the amazing Google and find yourself an appealing group to belong to. Art class? Cooking class? Dance class? Music class? A MOPS group? A women’s Bible study? Join a gym and attend classes. The community is out there, we just have to boldy step out and get it!

The pay off is great. The courage will be worth it. It takes a village and it takes a good team on your side. Throw up the white flag and watch God meet you like you could have never asked or imagined.

This evening as I was writing this post I got an excerpt of a book from a friend. It applies perfectly to this post so I thought I would share. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!

One year ago, today, we got the keys to our fixer upper. One year ago our church was about to encounter a HUGE season of the unknown. One year ago, because of my insecurities, I was missing out on some of the most incredible relationships I could have ever dreamed of having. One year ago, we thought adopting Molly was a done deal. One year ago, I thought “I just wasn’t the Bible reading type”. One year ago, I was so consumed with my hurts, offenses, and insecurities that I was self-consumed. One year ago, I was attempting to run with shackles on. One year ago, I saw myself as a chubby 8 year old in the fetal position rocking back and forth, scared to look up. One year ago, I felt forgotten by God.

A lot can happen in a year.

Today, we still live in our fixer upper, but we have made some pretty sweet improvements and I love it even more than I did the day we got the keys. Today, our church is beyond what I ever dreamed or imagined it could be. Today, I have new, challenging, inspiring, and life-giving relationships. Today, we are half way through transitioning Molly to live with her birth mom and 2 of her birth siblings. Today, I cannot get enough of the Bible. It’s breath of fresh air is constantly sustaining me, challenging me, and hitting me at the core. Today, I am leading a table in our mom’s group and women’s Bible study group. Today, I am running shackle free with my arms spread as far as they can with a massive smile on my face. Today, I am a 37 year old woman, standing, looking up, and dancing. Today, I am baffled by how much God thinks of me, loves me, sustains me, interacts with me, and dances with me.

You are not stuck. Where ever you are in the process of your journey, there is good to be had. A single encounter with Jesus is all it takes. A sensitivity to His spirit. A willingness to step out and be vulnerable. Jesus is so madly in love with you. As I type this, my eyes are filled with tears because of the truth of God’s love and massive plans for you. He wants so desperately for you to know His powerful presence. No matter what your circumstances are, there is good. There is joy. There is strength. There is hope. It may be hard to comprehend in your season right now, but, I just want you to know that I have been there.

In my life, I have been bent over throwing up with anxiety. I have been stuck in bed with depression. I have been lonely. I have sabotaged relationships out of my brokenness. I have wondered how we were going to pay our mortgage. I have felt what it feels like to be in a place of despair in my marriage. I have seen about 72 negative pregnancy tests. I have questioned God’s love and plan for me.

ONLY God’s spirit is capable of bringing me to where I am today. I am not the only one, ONLY God’s spirit is capable of bringing you out of where you are today.

Where: Someone very, very, very, very, and more very close to our hearts moved in this last week, so we cleared out our office to make a cozy bedroom for her. I was laying bed the night we moved my desk into our room and it came to me how amazing it would be to clear out a portion of my closet to have a space just for me. Where it is quiet and peaceful away from the chaos of tiny humans. You know, moms, we always already go into our closets for a breather, a good cry, or maybe just a much needed time out. So, I moved my desk in the closet and hung pictures on the wall above it. I LOVE it! I have affectionately named it my She Shed. So, recording will be done in my She Shed (Screw man caves; ladies, it’s time for She Sheds. She Sheds are the female equivalent of the man cave, except (obviously) better. It’s a place for a woman to relax and do her thang, without men (or children) around – Google 🙂 ) Once recorded, it will be posted to my all new YouTube channel.

Why: I have been having a stirring in me for quite some time to be vulnerable and open about my journey with Jesus. I never feel more alive than when I am speaking about what God has laid on my heart for His kids. Because of this, I started this blog back in September of last year.

I have found that most of the reputable speakers that I look up to started with a blog and/or book which in turn gave them a platform for speaking engagements. I know that I am in a season of waiting and I am a firm believer of active waiting, so here I am blogging and vlogging the time away 🙂 There is always purpose in the waiting. “Miracles happen WHEN we fix our eyes on Jesus”- Kristen DiMarco. I am thankful for these seasons where God continually shows up and sustains me when it seems like the clock’s hands have stopped moving.

About a month ago, a friend reached out to me after reading my blog and told me that I needed to start vlogging. Right away I laughed her off. I think my exact words were, “I don’t have a good story.” It was then her turn to laugh me off. She’s been sending me links and ideas, so I started doing the Instagram stories on my account to get used to the idea of talking into a camera and posting it online. After about 2 or 3 of these, I just dove in. I am an all or nothing person so tackled on a YouTube channel (She Shed Shenanigans) within days of the Instagram stories.

This brings me to right now. I am committing to being honest, open, and vulnerable on She Shed Shenanigans. I will address pretty much what I address here. Maybe more elaboration, maybe less. I am taking it one post at a time, trying to be sensitive to God’s leading since He knows best what the viewers need to hear.

If you have any topics that you would love me to talk about, shoot it over! In the meantime I will be posting about what God is teaching me through His word and various studies I am doing. I will continue to post about the journey of fostering, adopting, infertility, anxiety, depression, food dependence, marriage, ministry, and all the other fun stuff that comes up in life 🙂

Okay, okay, I know…I know…It’s time for an update on our little powdered sugar. I haven’t had much to update until this week.

Molly’s amazing mom got the keys to her apartment and is in the process of furnishing it. She got the baby’s crib this last weekend, so Molly officially started the transitioning period into living with her mom and two of her incredible siblings.

Birth mom picked up Molly on Monday morning and brought her home Wednesday on her way to work. Throughout the 2 days, her mom sent me pictures, videos, and called a couple times. Several text messages thanking me for what a great job that we have done with her daughter. Telling me how smart, funny, happy, and well-behaved she is.

It is the BEST.CASE.SCENARIO. I have grown to really love Mo’s mom and siblings so much. Her mom has worked so hard and come so far and it’s such an honor and privilege to get a front row seat to it all.

Over the next 30 days we will gradually move Mo over so that it isn’t too abrupt for her or my boys. Once she is moved over, we will still get her on weekends. We really want to keep her in church surrounded by the hundreds that love her and show her Jesus on a weekly basis as well as get some time with this little sassy one that I love more than hot bread straight from the oven! (That’s a lot)

How are we doing? We are sustained by our loving, HUGE, strength and peace filled God. He is our source. His spirit is alive and active in us. Carrying us every step of the way. That being said, there are twinges of pain that come and go. Weiland has had some angry outbursts. Marty has gone into her room looking for her when she is not here. We are feeling. We are processing it all under the umbrella of Jesus who comforts like no body’s business.

It has definitely taken some adjusting to the fact that we will not be able to adopt Mo. But, through it all, God has over and over again spoken that He can be trusted. Before we even brought her home from the hospital Jesus spoke Exodus 14:14 over her to me. (The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still) So, I am doing my best to be still and trust Him as He fights for her. He loves her more than I could ever fathom and there is great comfort in that.

A lesson that I have been learning since the day we brought Weiland home is that our children are not our own…even if I gave birth to them or if their adoptions are finalized. We are entrusted with these amazing beings from God to love, protect, comfort, and most of all introduce to them to their heavenly Father. We are not promised tomorrow, so today, here I am thankful for the 3 blessings under my roof…for today. Who knows about tomorrow, but today I will do my best to take care of these loaners 🙂

Thank you all for your continued prayers, texts, calls, and support throughout the last 20 months. God has used you to be Him tangibly in this season to me and my family.