(Today’s post title is for all you connoisseurs of niche comedians from the ’80s.) Stephen Jackson is hobbled, but played anyway. If you have another option, go with it, because Jackson ran up and down the court last night like Pacino at the end of ‘Dick Tracy.’ (Deep cut!) The word out of Northc’alina is that if the Bobcats lost to the Pacers (effectively wiping away their playoff hopes), Stack Jacks would be shut down for the season. It’s looking like Shaun Livingston and Matt Carroll are about to see a jump in minutes. Although Livingston is the only one I’d bother rostering. It’s a weird thing to say if you think about it. Playing hurt through the end of a game, or even an entire playoff series, is one thing. Had the Bobcats won and had they paraded Jackson out for a dozen more games and then a quick sweep in the first round would be … well, very Bobcats-like. Can’t imagine why that team isn’t thriving.

Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball last night.

Joe Johnson – 13/2/4, compounded with the fact that he played almost 44 minutes and wasn’t able to take Philly’s trapping defense one-on-one, the normally cock-sure guard looked more like No Johnson.

Thaddeus Young – He’s played 27 minutes in each of his last two and averaged 17/6. You’ve got 11 games left, don’t act like you couldn’t use a hot 17/6 injection.

Jodie Meeks – He has sunk (sank? Sunked? I prefer sunked if the subject did something negative) at least one three in each of his last 13 games, including five last night. Of those 13 games, he’s sinked-ed multiple treys in all but two of them.

Darren Collison – Knocked knees with D.J. Augustin, got replaced by A.J. Price, returned to finish the job (7/0/4, with a steal) and blew as a result – which I guess is a B.J.

Sasha Vujacic – Started for the injured Damion James, played over 42 minutes and ended with 18/5/2, and four threes. He and Stephen Graham are all New Jersey has at SF right now. Considering he played 42 minutes and those 42 minutes were against the Cavs and that the Cavs can’t defend the perimeter, which is where Vujacic eats all his meals and has his mail delivered, 18/5/2 is kinda disappointing.

Kris Humphries – J.J. Hickson was all, “17/17, son. Symmetry. S’how I roll. I roll symmetrically.” Then Kris Humphries went 18/23 and took his asymmetrical girlfriend out to do symmetrical donuts on Hickson’s lawn.

Devin Harris – Was kind enough not to start for three minutes and then leave the game. There’s always tonight’s game.

Andrei Kirilenko – Slammed his knee on a loose ball recovery, left the game and never came back. There are two things we can deduce from this. 1) AK47’s knee is weaker than DarCo’s knee, 2) Augustin’s weird claim that his knees are stronger than wood floor panels is totally baseless. Anyway, Gordon Hayward has played well lately and will get the minutes to match as long as Kirilenko is out.

Chris Wilcox – On the one hand, he’s shooting .795 from the field in his last six games. On the other hand, he can’t possibly keep that up over an extended period of time. On someone else’s hand that you borrow for this demonstration, he’s not contributing much else. On that person’s other hand, what do deep leaguers have to lose at this juncture?

Richard Hamilton – Joining Wilcox in the starting lineup, Rip dropped 27 points in 37 minutes, therefore buying him at least one more game in the starting lineup. Also, “rip drop” is how my grandpappy says “hip-hop” when his denture glue comes loose.

Rajon Rondo – 6/11/11, with seven steals, four turnovers and a .167 field-goal percentage last night in the loss to Memphis. Let’s rewins my reaction to every portion of that confusing-ass line: Ugh/Really? Nice!/Okay, okay, good/Wow, bitchin’!/No, dammit!/sonuvabiscuit!

Delonte West – His line shows just a 7/1/0 night with one trey, but as long as he’s healthy, deep leaguers might want to take a flier on him – especially with Rondo playing erratically, between that and garbage-time minutes, Delonte will have a big game soon.

Chauncey Billups – Assists in his last four games: 4, 4, 3, 3. It’s hard to get my thrillup ’til I see a box score fillup.

Toney Douglas – Dropped 17 on the unsuspecting Magic. Although, the Magic escaped from New York in the fourth quarter – so maybe they suspected it all along. He has had 17-or-more points in four of his last six.

Dwight Howard – This one’s for Razzball commenter Dominic, who called me out for not givin’ Dwight proper lovin’. He dropped 33/11 for his 28th straight double-double. A few people are still whispering about Amar’e getting MVP consideration based mostly on that incredible run he went on around Christmas. He averaged .536/30 pts/10 rbd during December. Howard has averaged .633/23 pts/16 rbd so far this month. I’d prefer six rebounds to seven points, wouldn’t you? No? What if I threw in +.097 on the ol’ FG% and a shizzton more blocks?

Hedo Turkoglu – 16/11/4. Okay, okay, Turk. you got me. Good game. Not good enough, of course, for me to justify rostering you in anything deeper than 12 teams, but still.

Carlos Delfino – Scored 26, 30, and 30 in his last three games. If you aren’t grabbing him by now, it’s because you have something against Argentina.

Chuck Hayes – First career triple-double (13/14/11). The best part about this is the possibility that more people will start calling him “Wagon” in casual conversation.

Courtney Lee – Started in place of Budinger (and instead of Patrick Patterson) and ended with a 25/2/2 line. This feels bloated like a pregnant lady’s feet. Speculate if you must, but expect a 12/2/2 performance next time out.

Gary Neal – It was the battle of the Nerdy Garys last night. Neal dropped 25 points and six treys. Forbes tasted all three available flavors of G2. Purple was his least favorite.

Antonio McDyess – Did what I hoped Tiago Splitter would do (13/12/1). Also DeJuan Blair is back and payed okay. And Raymond Felton is back and played better than okay And the Wiz and Clippers went into double-overtime. And the Lakers and Suns went into triple-overtime the night before. And every Clipper, but Ryan Gomes and every Wizard but Trevor Booker produced a ton, and a Midwest brotha’s gotta sleep SOMETIME, right? You got questions about the West Coast games, drop your questions down in the comments.

I was freakin out…but I took your advice and spun some Yanni, followed by some Toto IV for good measure. My team was insane last night…Wright, Wall, Thornton, & Granger all put up some damn fine lines. I’m actually beating the #1 seed now…and I think I can pull off a win this week even without Love!

But yeah, next year..totally doing roto. I can’t handle this emotional roller coaster.