yo bum rush the shooter

Megan McArdle Proposes The Worst Solution To Anything Ever

In the wake of Friday’s horrific shooting, we’ve seen lots of suggestions on how to cope, how to move forward, and how to think about guns. We had predictably terrible people say predictably terrible things about how if there were only armed teachers, none of this would have happened. We had gun lobbyists showing up on your teevee to tell you that now is the time to be prepared to take up arms against your government. Yr Wonkette got into the act with not-horrible-actually-quite-necessary think pieces on mental illness and how it is really fucking time to talk about guns and gun control. As thoughtful as we have been, and as awful as the usual suspects have been, it falls to Megan McArdle, now writing at the Daily Beast, to take things to an almost incomprehensible level of stupid. At the very end of approximately one million words where she says the only way to stop the kind of horror perpetrated at Newtown would be to ban all guns, but that we cannot ban all guns, she offers the only possible solution:

I’d also like us to encourage people to gang rush shooters, rather than following their instincts to hide; if we drilled it into young people that the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run at the guy with the gun, these sorts of mass shootings would be less deadly, because even a guy with a very powerful weapon can be brought down by 8-12 unarmed bodies piling on him at once. Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea; all I can say is that both these things would be more effective than banning rifles with pistol grips.

Yr Wonkette can state quite categorically that we have NEVER said something this stupid, and we posted that awful, stupid, terrible thing about Trig. In fact, we’re not sure we’ve ever met anyone that has suggested something this stupid. In the wake of 20 dead kids…scratch that. In the wake of 20 TINY dead kids – aren’t first graders like 4 feet tall, tops? – McMegan suggested that piling on a guy armed with a semi-automatic rifle and body armor would be a more effective anti-mass-murder strategy than banning certain types of weapons. Let us restate that: MCMEGAN SUGGESTED LITTLE TINY CHILDREN PILE UPON A MASSIVELY ARMED ADULT SHOOTER AND THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE SUCCESSFUL BUT IT WOULD BE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN BANNING RIFLES WITH PISTOL GRIPS!

Don’t get us wrong. We are fluent in wingnut, libertarian, and opportunistic centrist, so we know full well that McMegan left herself some wiggle room to assert she wasn’t talking about this past shooting, which involved TINY LITTLE KIDS. No, we’re sure she can tell us she meant some hypothetical future shooting of burly yet lithe football players, or warriors, or ninjas, or something. People much, much more qualified to tackle heavily armed and armored people bent on a killing spree.

Yr Wonkette would like to encourage Ms. McArdle to gang rush a six-lane freeway as soon as possible in order to stop the wretched traffic of the Beltway. Would it work? Would she do it? We have no idea; all we can say is that both these things would be more effective than banning Megan McArdle.

This tactic worked so well in World War One, I'm surprised it took this long for someone to think of it!

/FFS&sup3;

Terry

If there was a cliff involved, it could be Galipoli

BaldarTFlagass

Or as them Chip 'n' Dale chipmunks used to say, "After you." "No, I insist, after you!"

Dildeaux

Being a libertarian means behave in a way that's against human nature because the practical solution is against my ideology.

Veritas78

Yes, how libertardian of her to impose another burden on the rest of us. As if getting shot at wasn't enough?

Come here a minute

Pickett's children.

HouseOfTheBlueLights

This is your next near-future novel.

kittensdontlie

With bullet-proof vests, brass knuckles and stun guns , a well-formed class of first-graders would be a formidable foe.

Limeylizzie

To be fair, I am also about 4 feet tall and there is no way in hell I would rush at a gunman and I have the built-in bullet deflectors known as my 34 G tits.

Texan_Bulldog

I'm 5'2" and about 100 lbs. There is NO WAY IN HELL I am rushing an armed gunman or telling my 8 and 10 year old to do it. Holy shit, lady!

Chichikovovich

Well, you would if it were in the script. And since Ms. McAddled's version of reality is less like the real thing than the wildest fantasies of Ionesco, that might be the appropriate reference point.

sewollef

You could smother him with your ample bosom…

WhatTheHolyHeck

I'm 5'6" and could probably kick the guy to death with my extremely muscular Energy Legs, and I still wouldn't rush the guy. You know why? Because I'm not a fucking ninja, I know no martial arts, and I've never trained with a Navy seal.

CommieLibunatic

I'm 5'6" and could probably kick the guy to death with my extremely muscular Energy Legs

That sounds to me like an argument for stocking the school vending machines with Powerthirst.

WhatTheHolyHeck

I'm certain there's a link to Obama via KENYANS in here somewhere, but I'll be damned if I can find it today.

You're onto something here. Challenge: my hot rod and your 34Gs at a target range of your choosing. I'm just trying to do some research before arriving at my policy proposals. Never mind, just thinking about it has emptied my weapon already.

vulpes82

It must be hard to run, full-stop, with those bazoongas.

Limeylizzie

It is indeed, and my sports bras cost over $100 because of the insense engineering needed to stop the intense jiggling , whilst on the treadmill.

WhatTheHolyHeck

Big bazooms reprazent. It's hard out here for an H-cup. And those sports bras uniformly suck. Where's all the good side support, damn them?

Limeylizzie

I swear by the Anita sports bra available at Fresh Pair, no uniboob, no breaking your neck trying to get it on and it comes in colours other than white or black! Try it, it goes up to a HH I believe, Euro sizes.

When I was 16 the bullets would have ricocheted as if they were shot from trampolines, these days ….

Oblios_Cap

What a mental image that is!

Limeylizzie

They were awesome, I used to pose for photographers all the time, semi-nude, but I didn't truly know what a gift I had been given!

BigSkullF*ckingDog

These pictures. They must be in the internets somewhere?

Limeylizzie

Maybe, I did some covers for romance novels and was a Page 3 girl , in the Sun in the UK, not one of the professional models, but I was sunbathing on the beach in my hometown and a photographer shot one of me in the briny , sans top. I am sure they are around somewhere, happy hunting and you could always imagine the one you like best to be me…

BigSkullF*ckingDog

I had no idea that this page 3 was a thing and just googled it. Thank you for enlightening me. Now excuse me, I have some research to do.

Oh sister, it was one of the best things I ever did. More comfortable rolling over, less back/neck pain, less self conscious in public, able to wear clothes that actually fit. It has given me freedom and confidence.

Limeylizzie

What size were you? I would love to be able to wear a top with buttons that doesn't pull and isn't 8 inches too big in the back!

memzilla

Perhaps you could have Mr. LL wear about 22 pounds of sandbags around his neck for a week, and then request his opinion about surgery?

Limeylizzie

He is sympathetic, he has been shopping with me, but he loves the funbags,

I was pretty badly overweight at the time, so I was a 40 DDD. I could probably have gotten clothes at lane Bryant or someplace like that, but being a semi butch little gender queer, I hated the styles. I ended up just wearing enormous boys clothes which mad me look even fatter than I was. The psychological improvement for me after the surgery was dramatic. My only regret was having waited as long as I did. I was excruciatingly self conscious. People stared at my boobs all the time. Being less self conscious helped me get to the gym, and I'm now a relatively svelte 36 C. Now I can wear normal sized clothes comfortably.

Limeylizzie

It must have been agonizing for you, I am a 34G, so I have a teeny little back and am top-heavy and look about 20lbs heavier than I actually am, would love to go down to a C cup, that would be dreamy!

Well, I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring someone into having major, irreversible surgery, but I simple cannot recommend it enough. There is a period of adjustment to a new body, and to the fact that the surgery has not solved all your problems that can be uncomfortable, but overall I am ecstatic with the results. Best news of all: because it is considered reconstructive surgery for a medical condition, most insurances cover it. I certainly couldn't hurt to look into it, maybe talk to some other people who have done it. Keep me posted!

Limeylizzie

I will investigate, I am sure I would be covered because ..G cup…come on, that's too big.

Gang Rush are three Korean guys that pretend to ride ponies while singing lyrics that pretend to not rip off Ayn Rand.

gullywompr

In her defense, there are no non-stupid arguments to be made for keeping guns uncontrolled.

HouseOfTheBlueLights

I need to sign in under multiple aliases (allii?) to upvote this repeatedly.

HobbesEvilTwin

You win the internet today!

ButthurtWingers2012

Gully…that hits the nail on the head but I want to amend it given the writings of mr. birdshit over @ teabagger nation and this fascist homo erectus Pratt…there aren't any non-stupid or sane arguments to be made for keeping guns uncontrolled…because you just KNEW the teabaggers were going to whip out their deranged civil war fantasy as another argument/justification.

gullywompr

This time, the irresistible force of a nation of parents and grandparents is going to win. They're toast.

Beetagger

The brain is large in this one.

zerosumgame0005

it's mostly water and grease…

Biel_ze_Bubba

More likely it's just hydrocephalus.

billy_reuben

Dammit, you beat me to it!

Biel_ze_Bubba

You got to get up pretty early in the morning, to beat a guy who stays up late.

Beowoof

And I would have thought the bone surrounding the brain was unusually thick in this one.

asterixaverni

"Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea; all I can say is that both these things would be more effective than banning rifles with pistol grips."

It is hilarious that she proposes as effective something demonstrated by the actual evidence to have spectacularly not worked (shooter WAS rushed and killed the rushers, moving on to exterminate anyone else he could get to before the cops showed up). And then she presumes to venture an opinion on what WON'T work (regulation). So if you read it with opposite glasses it's pretty sound policy.

Biel_ze_Bubba

What would be "ineffective" about the guy not having a gun in the first place?

ButthurtWingers2012

Yes…it would be a good old fashioned hoisted by her own petard moment were she to find herself in a situation where her stupid bullshit would be tested…but no such luck. Just like the legendary chickenhawk factor of warmongering neocons this lil' gated community libertarian has the roughly the same chance of encountering a gunman in her community as she does a black person; and she assumes black people are just animated cartoons.

Texan_Bulldog

Ha ha…Like I'm going to tell my sweet babies (8 and 10), who I don't let ride without bike helmets, have caffeine or play in the front yard alone, to run towards a crazy man with a gun.

Congratulations, Megan. You actually have managed to make Snowbilly seem erudite and thoughtful.

RedneckMuslin

And I suppose you're against kids running to a van with a guy with candy in it.

And they're collector's items now — so that would be like throwing your good china at a shooter. I'd suggest an ormolu vase instead, or one of those insufferably overdecorated German ceramic pieces and no, I wasn't watching Antiques Roadshow last night, why do you ask?

Biff

I guess my mother was just running endurance tests on the Melmac she threw at my head, constantly, when I was growing up? Unbreakable, my ass…

Cleopatriot

I saw that thing too.

Chichikovovich

Ms. McAddled was born too late. She would have made a great Stephan of Cloyes.

Tio_Doidinho

Thank you for making me look that name up – now I know a little bit about the Children's Crusades. Dear god, what a mess.

Barbara_

Children should be catching snowflakes on their tongue and making up songs about unicorns and not playing MacGyver.

Exactly. I heard one of the teachers from SHES talking about how brave her kids were and all I could think was that a 6 year old shouldn't have to be brave. (One of her kids assured her that they would be safe because he knew karate… how cute is that?)

HistoriCat

One of her kids assured her that they would be safe because he knew karate… how cute is that?

Damn it – now I'm tearing up again.

BaldarTFlagass

Now that "Christmastime is Here" song from Charlie Brown Christmas TV show is an earworm. Thanks Barb!

Jus_Wonderin

That was on NPR this morning. Albeit a cover by a neo-jazz artist. But cool. I think that is my favorite Christmas song.

Negropolis

Though, you have to admit, a remake of MacGyver with child actors would be awesome.

LesBontemps

They already come equipped with weird shit in their pockets.

not that Dewey

And they're not constrained by preconceived notions of what's possible/impossible.

Oblios_Cap

They do teach soldiers to charge at ambushers, but generally said soldiers are armed with more than just their wits.

Megan apparently would be unarmed if she went into battle with only hers.

freakishlywrong

Yes. Let's arm teachers and janitors, and gun nuts with assault rifles, and send elementary school children rushing towards the ensuing firefight armed only with their tiny hands. These are the wingnuts suggestions so far.

Biel_ze_Bubba

We could equip them with 3-ring binders made of Kevlar and titanium-ceramic plates.

I can only assume that some cretinous freeper or BlightFarter has already made this suggestion, but without the snark.

Jus_Wonderin

Heck, they'd have better loadouts than our soldiers. grin

bikerlaureate

You should've seen their bad suggestions…

AlterNewt

Who?

Thurman Munster IV

To be fair, this idea has literary precedence: Slaughterhouse 5 or the children's crusade.

LibertyLover

I've read Vonnegut, McCurdle is no Vonnegut.

Oblios_Cap

And we all know how well those worked out for the tykes.

sewollef

If Megan would please gang-rush the BQE in Brooklyn on Saturday morning, around 7:45 am, I'd be ever so grateful. It's a fucking pain in the ass with all the SUV assholes thinking they own two lanes of the goddam highway when I'm trying to get to Trader Joe's early.

TheGyrus

Gang-rush the BQE with votes, obviously….

Biel_ze_Bubba

Are there enough eejits like her to make such a charge effective, and how many would it take? I'm all for a series of experiments.

sewollef

In New York? Shit, of course there are. Iv'e seen so much weirdness in this town to write a novel.

From the guy who made his sandwiches for lunch on the floor of a subway car, complete with butter and slices of ham nicely laid out. To the woman with the imaginary dog on a leash, holding everyone else up on an escalator.

I have a ton of these bite-size stories. This town is fucking crazy.

Biel_ze_Bubba

Plenty of weirdos, sure …. but eejits like her are rare in this part of the country.

prommie

Hey, come on, its a great strategy! It worked like gangbusters at Paeschendale, Verdun, The Somme, Ypres.

FakaktaSouth

Okay, that is kinda what I saw, a bunch of Revolutionary War reenactment drills used to teach people to instinctively respond to automatic rifle spray with a bum rush. It seems like we stopped fighting wars like that for some reason, but I'm just not sure what it was. But you know, in an elementary school, what could go wrong?

prommie

"Over the top" used to mean something different.

BaldarTFlagass

Viet Minh human wave attacks eventually discouraged the French to the point that they left Indochina, so maybe she's onto something.

prommie

My father was in an artillery unit in the Pacific in WWII. He was involved in the amphibious invasion of a little-known island, a battle that has been almost completely forgotten, probably because it involved the US Army, and not the Marines, who have this press aparatus and are basically the perennially overrated Notre Dame of the military. So anywhoo, late in the battle (weeks in) Dad was doing his job computing trajectories (that was his job title, "computer,") and the last of the Japanese defenders, several hundred, decided that a good old fashioned traditional banzai charge would do the trick, and they did that, you know, just fix bayonnettes and brandish swords and run in a mass, screaming, towards the US troops. Said to have been the largest mass banzai charge of the war. Dad being in the field artillery (so its hi hi hee) was way far back from all this, so he was never in danger. But neither was anyone else, because, well, it didn't work. Charging into gunfire doesn't work. They all died, every one of those poor people. They apparently wanted to.

Saipan, for those of you playing along at home. One of a string of horrifically brutal island battles where the Japanese were entrenched in caves and tunnels cut into the coral, cut off from supply lines but unwilling to surrender.

The last desperate act of the inevitable losing side, if that puts Ms. McCardle's choice of tactics in any better perspective.

Check out the photo gallery at the bottom of Wiki's Battle of Attu article too. That's an interesting story, and the Aleutians are a pretty forgotten corner of WWII.

emmelemm

My grandfather was on Saipan.

I only ever knew him as a crazy asshole, but how could you not become a crazy asshole after going through that?

Biel_ze_Bubba

We switched roles with them, on Peleliu. Didn't really work any better, except that we had more guys.

prommie

Hey, I read "With The Old Guard!"

Biel_ze_Bubba

"With the Old Breed" is what you probably have in mind.
(Naturally, I recommend "The Devil's Anvil")

Steverino247

Oh, you're goddamned right about the Marine Corps' press apparatus. Call them by their correct name, "naval infantry" and watch the fun… Banzai charges worked early in the war because Japan's opponents were pretty poorly trained Chinese peasants. Well trained men with M-1's and .30 cal MG's react much more effectively.

Biff

Didn't their departure have a little something to do with our entrance, also? Love me my Michelin tires…

BaldarTFlagass

New book out there, "Embers of War," about the French and Indochina up till the time we took the baton. Not at the part yet where I could answer your question completely, but it's a worthy read thus far…

By the time the French left, we were funding a big portion of their involvement there — but the French had other problems, both at home and in Algeria, and thought keeping Indochina a colony was already hopeless — they even urged the US to make nice with Ho Chi Minh, but we didn't listen because containment of a supposedly monolithic communist movement was our reigning illusion at the time.

Oh, and when the French were being blown apart at Dien Bien Phu in the last major battle of their stay there, we were considering using a nuclear bomb to stop the Viet Minh — fortunately cooler heads prevailed.

sewollef

My dad 'rushed' the Germans twice. Once from the beaches at Normandy and then from the air over Arnhem in Operation Market Garden. Neither worked out too well.

The Germans couldn't believe their luck, they were shooting my dad's fellow paratroopers as they floated down.

My dad and most of his company were lucky that day though, they escaped the machine guns and were hidden around the town by Dutch resistance fighters. I still have the business card of Arnhem's resistance leader, since he gave it to my dad. He was a jeweller in civilian life, apparently.

Thank you. Except I never knew how awesome until he passed some years ago. He would never talk about the war.

I did tons of research, and discovered he fought in almost every European theatre his battalion sent him. From Tunis and El Alamein, to landing at Sicily then the battle of Monte Cassino, south of Rome…. then back to the UK for the Normandy landings, then Op. Market Garden and his escape, then his battalion liberated the concentration camp, Bergen-Belsen…. then Berlin.

He left a lot of stuff behind… some of it from his time behind German lines in Holland.

Steverino247

It sounds like he left some of himself behind, too, which explains his silence. You're justly proud of him. Thanks for telling us about him.

smitallica

Oh, the "Rush the guy with the machine gun" strategy. What could go wrong?

Oh, right. World War I.

sewollef

You mean apart from the 58,000 Brit casualties on the first day of the Battle of the Somme, who tried just that strategy.

It's a plan I can get behind….. very, very far behind.

RadioBitchFace

And first we must have an ineffective artillery barrage against the shooter.

HistoriCat

"It's a plan I can get behind….. very, very far behind. "

I think we've found out general …

Secluded Compound

I always think when I hear about that battle (and many of the Japanese assaults in WWII) "What kind of commanding officer would send wave after wave of his men into that with no appreciable results and continue to do it?"

It just seems like a brazen lack of care for strategy or the humanity of your subordinates. Strange that a wingnut solution would share those qualities.

noodlesalad

This x100000

Of all the dumb suggestions I've ever seen about shootings, this has to be the dumbest.

chicken_thief

Meagan. Just stfu and make me a sammich. Bum rush those packages of sliced roast beef and cheese, toss on some 'mater and lettuce, and top with mustard and salt and pepper. I think that will work jes' fine.

thatsitfortheother1

Mustard you say?

Elitest.

Vecchiojohn

Lots of pickles on mine, Meg.

Oblios_Cap

Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea. We'll never know until we try!

At least she's honest. I guess.

LesBontemps

Shorter Megan McArdle: "I have no idea."

Cleopatriot

We did try it.. It was called WWI.

AngryBlakGuy

…so when are we going to training our kindergarten children in MMA takedowns and Krav Maga?

Hey, now. If we don't train them now then they'll never kill at a Grade 5 Killing Level.

snowpointsecret

Let's just make it easier for them to hit us!

southernboyman

Ms. McArdle has a bad teevee show playing in her head. Turn it off!

LesBontemps

She's no Meghan McCain.

RadioBitchFace

More at MeGyn Kelly.

freakishlywrong

"And kids, TAKE that candy from the man with the windowless van".

CommieDad

Kids should be armed, so taking the candy is easier.

CommieDad

After trying to read Ms. Mcardle's pointless rant, I am happy that you have summarized it. The idea is interesting, but I do think it has problems. I have informed my children that, should they see a gun, they need to lay low, run, and hide. I am sure other parents would give similar advice. In short, the idea would only work if every child was willing to sacrifice him/herself for the good of the rest of the class.

Wait. Am I actually engaging in this idea? Fuck. OK, better ideas:

* All children wear military style body armor everywhere
* Schools have a mine field that can be activated via panic button at all entrances
* Instead of metal detectors, we have large MRI style magnets at all entrances
* We ban assault weapons and semi-automatic pistols
* We require insurance and license for gun ownership
* We provide support for families with mentally ill children

asterixaverni

I'd rather just repeal the 2nd amendment and provide for real healthcare for the mentally ill.

LesBontemps

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you started off just fine but then got into the crazy-talk.

sewollef

Your last three points would never work in a civilised country, come on, think about it.

But some of those ideas might not work! So let's discount them out-of-hand and say that it's a better idea to have children gang-rush someone with an assault rifle!

Mojopo

The best way to protect ourselves, people of all ages, is to retreat. Do not attempt to be a hero. It is the safest option. Especially when in charge of children. This goes for mass shootings, or if one is surprised in their own home. If anyone invades your home, have a strategy in mind and plan where to hide or escape. Escape is best if possible. You will not make it to the kitchen for a butcher knife in time. You may be overwhelmed.

And what CommieDad said.

cousinitt

Putrid.

slithytoves

The only people I know who are trained to rush at people with guns are Marines. Parris Island for everyone!

PugglesRule

Lower the recruiting age to 3 so they can be trained before they leave preschool.

McCardle is quite obviously not human, and I think we can agree she has no brain.

Negropolis

Yr Wonkette would like to encourage Ms. McArdle to gang rush a six-lane freeway as soon as possible in order to stop the wretched traffic of the Beltway. Would it work? Would she do it? We have no idea; all we can say is that both these things would be more effective than banning Megan McArdle.

ROTFLMAO!

This is the new "I'd be irresponsible not to speculate." Make this a new meme, Wonkette. I know you can do it.

With all due respect to Ms. McArdle, I believe the stupidest thing ever said about the Newton tragedy is that it is the result of children's literature rotting the American core from the inside out…. http://thecrankyhousewife.com/?p=1153.

With all due respect to Ms. McArdle, I believe the stupidest thing ever said about the Newton tragedy is that it is the result of children's literature rotting the American core from the inside out…. http://thecrankyhousewife.com/?p=1153.

MoeDeLawn

That's so scary I tried to rush headlong at it. But my shoes are tied together, so I am going to lie here and think about it.

"Would it work, would people do it….?" Gee, I don't know, Megs; would you? My guess you would assume the fetal position and pee your panties along with everybody else.

LibertyLover

Is she suggesting an episode of Gremlins? or that Small Soldiers Cartoonish movie from the 90's?

AngryBlakGuy

…QUESTION: why the hell don't people recognize the stupidity of some of these suggestions? I mean c'mon! The 911 hijackers had box cutters, I haven't heard one person suggest that all airplane passengers should be armed box cutters? Likewise, training our children to run toward gunfire as opposed to away from it is fukking ridiculous!!!!

Actually this is a rather long-lived pernicious canard. The 911 Commission found no evidence of box cutters. They had knives in their carry on luggage, which were not detected by security. Former Gov. Kean who was one of the leaders of the Commission said he found the demolition of the box cutter theory to be the most surprising finding of all.

James Michael Curley

Back in the late 70's I was in the 42nd St. Port Authority waiting for a bus on a fairly crowded bus platform when a couple shots rang out. Using my extensive military training and experience in combat in Viet Nam I took the appropriate action and hit the deck. I was almost trampled by the people who more or less started shuffling around to get a better look at what was happening. Truly stupid reaction.

Since then I have decided that in a similar circumstance I would do the most logical and more effective reaction. Throw one of those idiots to the ground and get under him.

thatsitfortheother1

That's how you can tell Army guys from Air Force guys. Something goes bang Army guys hit the deck. Air Force guys try to get a better look.

And yes, I was Air Force.

CommieLibunatic

They're just used to having the best view of everything?

Steverino247

I have to fight that urge when the local high school football team scores a touchdown and a cannon goes off.

Oh, and I'm one of the refs…

James Michael Curley

I used to tell myself that I could sufficiently distinguish between different ‘bangs’ not to react every time. But losing my hearing (too much time in helicopters) and general aging isn’t helping that and the sounds differences are losing distinction. I’m also amazed that many people can’t tell the difference between a large fire cracker and a pistol round.

TavariousChinaSmith

Look, airplanes don't bring down tall buildings. People armed with box cutters in airplanes bring down tall buildings. Thus we should all be armed with box cutters and airplanes. QED

frostbitefalls

Megan has a strong moral compass. As she says," Even if I had been raised with no moral laws at all, even if there were no cops and no prisons, I'm pretty sure that I still wouldn't want to spend a crisp Friday morning shooting cowering children."

Extra points for "crisp," Meg.

shelwood46

Extra extra points for "pretty sure".

Dildeaux

Her editor deserves an award for that. One presumes that, given the modifier, she would be more than willing to engage in mass slaughter were the climate outdoors temperate.

BigSkullF*ckingDog

You first Megan. Don't worry, we'll be right behind you!

oenspiek

The stupid! It burns!

SoBeach

if we drilled it into young people that the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run at the guy with the gun

Sounds like even more fun — and healthier — than drilling kids to duck and cover for the atomic bomb that's surely going to be dropped on them any day.

And also, oh for fuck's sake.

BaldarTFlagass

To be fair, those human wave assaults worked pretty well for the Chinese when they came across the Yalu River back in the day.

We could let the homeless live in the schools, in exchange for a promise to bum rush at a moment's notice.

CommieDad

My children just rushed me, and it wasn't able to distract me from Wonkette. Ah shit, stinky diaper…. now that was effective.

Edit: All is good. Both twins had shit in their diapers. Now children piling on, but keyboard mostly functional.

mbatch

Those Daily Beast responses are also stunning. Do away with Gun Free Zones so murderous gun nuts won't know where to go to mow down innocents. Yeah, that's the ticket. And so much better than just banning the fucking assault weapons in the first place.

christianmuslin

Rush the shooters, that's Marine Corps bootcamp strategy, except with guns on both sides and absolutely not with 6 year olds.

beer4prez

I mean, the sad part is it seems two of the adults did try to take on the shooter — the Principal and the psychologist… So besides being dumb and irreparably stupid, it's insensitive.

Well, there were only two of them. They needed to tell six or eight other staffers to join them instead of hiding under the conference-room table and locking the door. Jeez, didn't that school teach math?

Allegedly. Where I live, the surgeon who is known for the surgery is Dr Stubbs (I am not making this shit up.) I know all this because I read an article about a guy suing Stubbs for shredding his wang.

thatsitfortheother1

.223 Bushmaster. All the penoidal extension, but $80,000.00 cheaper than a Porsche.

Negropolis

You guys just don't know how bad-ass rushing children can be, is all. I mean, if they reach you, you will be rendered completely and utterly helpless by their thoroughly effective tickle attacks, pinches, and shin kicks.

Good God, I wouldn't tell my 17-year old jock son to do this, never mind my 7-year old daughter. I'd say what was she thinking, but it's quite obvious that she wasn't, and in fact may be incapable of rational thought. Gah.

My first grader is 3 foot, 10 so yeah you have that about right. This also makes him a poor candidate to physically charge a gun assailant, though I will say he is showing signs of developing some rather cutting sarcasm. Most shooters are pretty sensitive about being mocked.

thatsitfortheother1

Shoot at me and I will taunt you a second time.

spareme

So, at what point during the rush do they start screaming "USA! USA! USA!"?

Seriously, not a good idea.

An_Outhouse

Does McCardle-Bargle have children?

I thought not.

smellypossum

As a parent of two elementary school children, I'd like to suggest Megan gang rush a sawmill.

Will it work? I don't know. But we'd no longer be sujected to her stupid fucking ideas.

Negropolis

I want my Congress to gang-rush the NRA…with votes. No, really, this is what I want them to do.

asterixaverni

I agree – votes to repeal the 2nd amendment.

sewollef

I'd vote for that…. a thousand times.

BaldarTFlagass

Good thing the movie hasn't come out yet, or she would be suggesting that Jack Reacher stand guard at all our elementary schools. That guy is a badass. At least in the books.

Schmegeg

That has already been tried. It was called World War 1. Not such a great idea.

HouseOfTheBlueLights

I'm going to support young Miss Meg. Not her idea, but her idiot courage in putting it out there. And here's why– let's put every goddamned idea out there from every point on the spectrum from wtf to flowers-in-gun-barrels and have a fucking debate, and not just "your POV is stupid/ no YOUR POV is stupid/well *YOUR* POV was stupid first".

Because I think everyone can agree that allowing little children to be killed with guns is stupid.

Doktor Zoom

McArdle has taken one piece of wisdom from the aftermath of 9/11 — instead of passively complying, passengers during a hijacking may successfully resist — and twisted it into utter nonsense.

I suggest people about to be filled with dozens of bullets simply close their eyes, hold their fingers in their ears and keep repeating, "I can't see you, I can't hear you." A great way to get your way–or survive automatic weapon fire–in so many situations.

LetUsBray

I have to say this event, or rather the response to it, has radicalized me. I've been told that, to adapt to the right to carry deadly phallus surrogates, I as a teacher must carry my own firearm and undergo combat training, or that I must accept my school coming under the benevolent protection of blustering vigilantes, I mean "volunteers", or, now, that I must train my students to make a kamikaze attack on some nutball who's just exercising his rights up until the moment he starts slaughtering us.

Fuck the second amendment. Dump that shit. I assume it's second because it's the founders' second-biggest blunder, after slavery. Fuck guns, and fuck limp-dick gun fellators.

sewollef

CoTD. Nothing to add.

Steverino247

You can always be a Conscientious Objector and claim such programs are not only stupid but violate your personal beliefs.

This is exactly why nobody died in old-timey wars where the men all marched in lines toward one another. When they met in the middle, they'd just tackle each other until the tackles turned to hugs and the wars ended. That's how we came to have world peace now.

Then we can encourage everyone to yell "Hey! Over here, you pussy! I dare you!"

BaldarTFlagass

And if they're still alive when the guy is changing clips, they can stick out their tongues and say "Missed me missed me, now you gotta kiss me!" and stick out their tongues and do that thing where you stick your thumbs in your ears and wave your fingers.

Estproph

Plus, we could make sure they all have a uniform shirt, say, something like a design of concentric red and black circles. That would clearly confuse the shooter.

I saw something about some entertainment in the Medici court recently, and one of the sideshows was a guy with his hands tied behind his back put into a small cage with a large housecat. The guy's mission was to kill the cat using only his teeth, which I guess he did. So a bunch of kids should be able to rush a mad gunman.

McAddled: " Okay, you kids rush the bad man while I go out this window for help. "

FNMA

Someone should tell Megan that it's a little too soon for satire…

Oh.

It wasn't?

Jesus.

HobbesEvilTwin

This explains why I have never ever ever (until today) visited the Daily Beast. What a fucking cesspool.

Monsieur_Grumpe

Dear Ms. McArdle,
You first.
MG

SpiderCrab

Despite her every-day libetarian posturing, the best McCardle can come up with is throwing wave after wave of kamakazi drone children at the shooter? So community is fine so long as it doesn't cost McCardle anything? What a despicable woman.

shelwood46

It is adorable that a libertarian is advising everyone to NOT act in their own self-interest.

I don't understand why McArdle always has to write a fucking dissertation when she posts a blog. I was scrolling and like, when is this going to end!! Also, I think she fancies herself one of the great philosophers of our generation or something.

I’d also like us to encourage people to bash Tina Brown's head in with a hammer, rather than following their instincts to click close tab; if we drilled it into young people that the correct thing to do is for everyone to instantly run at the Brit with the website, these sorts of idiotic opinion columns would be less deadly, because even a expat with a very powerful publishing platform can be brought down by 8-12 hand tool-armed bodies piling on her at once. Would it work? Would people do it? I have no idea; all I can say is that it would be more effective than taking seriously anything Megan McArdle writes ever again.

On Twitter last night there was a very entertaining #MeganMcArdleDefenseTips hashtag that did not trend nearly widely enough. Still some funny stuff, though.

viennawoods13

"Fun fact: most recent amendment to the constitution was actually passed in the 1790s, though not ratified until 200 years later."

Huh???

SaintRond

It took years to master the art, but the Samurai in Japan used to start teaching girls at a very young age to spit needles into the eyes of their enemies, and not give lessons in how to be a homo or watch porn.

Just sayin'.

CommieLibunatic

Right, because that strategy works so well for the Common zombie hordes in the Left 4 Dead games.

As someone who has actually been under fire as an adult, let me give you a hint. It scares the begeezus out of you. Man with semi-automatic rifle? SCARY. Bullets go fast at me? I want to be behind things. Not organizing a bumrush with 15 people who have no weapons or protection. All that means is that he's 15 bullets or so closer to being out…

Blunderthing

Yes, and when a fire rages out of control, the best thing to do is to throw yourself INTO it, not seek relative safety. Wow. Why didn't we think of this before?

I'm aware that two is too small a sample for proper statistical analysis, but so far it looks to me that people named Megan McSomethingorother tend to be somewhat less than Mensa material.

Dildeaux

And what exactly is to happen once the remaining Kommando Kids reach their intended target?

Turns out that part of the training doesnt exist, hence, a plot twist where the kids are used as sacrifices in a dispicable attempt to satisfy an already bored audience.

Naked_Bunny

Who knew all those welfare moms the right wingers hate so much were simply following a sensible, forward-thinking conservative suggestion to surround themselves with protective cannon fodder?

christianmuslin

She is sooo ahead of her time. After art class, 6 year olds in school should take Uzi class. Then, when some nutjob shoots his way into a grade school the kids will be ready. The teacher can hand an Uzi from the class gun rack to each child as he or she marches into the hallways. Once there, they shout usa, usa and fire away. Everyone will be sooo proud of little Herold and Hilda. Brilliant. What a cunt.

ElPinche

Wait till we tell the Republican gun nuts that we'll need to raise taxes and pay teachers more for weapons training. The response: "Uuhhhhhhhh….. BINGAZZI!!!!"

glamourdammerung

Actually, this is one of the few things she has said that makes sense when you think about it. After all, Republicans are notorious chickenhawks and so only the "enemy" would be using themselves as meatshields to protect good, brave patriots.

a_pink_poodle

Ah yes, the Zapp Brannigan maneuver where he would send wave after wave of his own men until all of the Killbots would reach their limits and freeze in place.

But in this case it'd be sending wave after wave of children until the shooter ran out of ammunition?

Biel_ze_Bubba

McArdle has just done for the First Amendment what Lanza did for the Second.

Trinket

Bloody fucking hell. I said this on a previous post. But:

/SPUTTER

shawnthesheep

Tina Brown knows how to pick 'em. She takes only the best and brightest and then encourages them to be thoughtful and reasonable.