Fug File: Teen Choice Awards

I have what I consider a healthy skepticism of all of these, with the possible exception of Selena Gomez — but then, she’s not even TRYING to get my goat. What’s wrong with my goat, huh, Selena? Picky, picky.

react:

In fairness, this is not the entire cast of PLL — Ashley Benson and Troian Bellisario were absent; I assume they are off making a giant PowerPoint presentation to explain to one another WTF is happening on their show at the moment — but we’ve got at least fifty percent. That’s…okay, that’s a failing grade, but whatever.

react:

Let’s just leave aside the fact that her facial expression is unimpressed — although I am impressed with her eyebrows:

There is a lot about this that could have gone wrong: so many patterns, so many potentially rogue sheer patches, so much — as a friend of mine used to say — of a muchness. This dress is like a Jell-O salad: if everything goes well, it’s both visually stimulating and surprisingly good, but if things go awry, you’re just disgusted at what a crazy mess it is. Lucky, this thing set up beautifully overnight and I, for one, am delighted. I will have seconds, thank you very much.

react:

I don’t know how Kim has not figured out that tight skirts with horizontal patterns across her hips do NOT do for her what she thinks they do.

But I mean, apart from looking like something you could buy on The Sims for your bangin’ bachelor pad, Kim actually is not the problem here. Nor is Kylie. No, it’s Kendall who needs a Get-a-Grip Friend to tell her she looks like she’s wearing rotting linens. Beyond that, though, the whole outfit feels like something Angie Harmon would wear, but with actual finished pant legs, and Angie Harmon — whom I love, conceptually — IS IN HER FORTIES. Kendall is eighteen. It’s cool to want to grow up to be Angie Harmon — I will feel that way until I die, I suspect — but not when you still have like THIRTY YEARS to get there.