Speechless: Why Are So Many Women Allergic To Complimenting Each Other?

by

Vivian Tyler

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November 25, 2018

It started off a beautiful Sunday afternoon; brunch with my girlfriend, Candace, at a quaint tea house in Seymour, CT called, “Tea With Tracy.”

You know. One of those places where your blood pressure drops as soon as you walk in. Cozy, relaxed and unpretentious; lacy curtains and mismatched wooden table chairs.

We love their curried chicken tea sandwiches, cut into fours, and served on pretty floral plates– and fancy teas served in vintage teapots. Their scones and lemon curd are to die for, too.

“I love hanging out with Candace; we truly get each other, for over 20 years now.”

We are both moms of adult sons; registered nurses and love Meryl Streep to pieces; especially in the movie, “It’s Complicated.” Candy’s a Jersey girl; and I’m from Buffalo. We are both frustrated stand-up comics; awaiting our big breaks! LOL!

We are irreverent, uninhibited, bawdy and laugh a LOT!! Always ready to stir up fun and find more adventures!

“She tells me when I am dragging toilet paper on my shoe and I let her know when she has a piece of meat stuck between her teeth.”

We have opinions about everything and aren’t shy to say it like we mean it! We support each other and have no problem admiring each others stuff.

It’s important to pay attention to folks and let them know it.

“When she is wearing something I like, I tell her. And, that’s often. Except that time she broke out her festive autumn cardigan adorned with acorns, leaves and pumpkins–when we were in London many moons ago.” LOL!

After we finished our grub, we went across the street to ”Tickled Pink,” a boutique shop filled with jewelry, sweaters, candles, lotions; purses; holiday decor and unique thingamajigs; an oasis of happiness!!

It was there, that the origins of this story took place.

Of course, I was a bull in a china shop. Bumping into tables; seeing so many pretty things, all at once.

“While trying on a snazzy purple beanie hat with a pom pom, a friendly woman shopper told me to get that one. The color looks nice on you.”

It made me feel good. I thanked her and asked to give a hug. We carried on a little conversation about how much we loved the store. Candace, wandered over, and found two pretty scarves. All three of us were engaged in a fashion pow wow. It didn’t take much. LOL.

But. Here’s the kicker. That same woman, who complimented me, tried on a stunning gray wool scarf that she wanted to wear to ”The Nutcracker,” ballet. I told her she looked pretty.

Her bubbly demeanor changed. She meant that! I could see it in her eyes! She wasn’t pandering.

I don’t know her family or social history; whether; she was ignored as a child, bullied as a teenager or verbally abused as a grown woman.

But, what I do know is that I felt sorry for her.

She wasn’t ugly at all. She was attractive, probably in her mid sixties, dressed nicely with a little bit of pink lip color and shoulder length brown hair gently framed her bespectacled face.

“This serendipitous moment resonated with me.”

I’ve seen it happen time and time and time again. We are our worst enemies. Women behaving badly.

Women who hate!

For many, it’s easier to walk barefoot on hot coals than to give another woman a compliment.

Why can’t we lift each other up? With kind words.

Straight from the heart!!

Call it what you want. But, this is my take.

“They’re tribes of miserable women walking around full of jealousy and insecurities; being bad actors. Pretending they don’t notice when another woman looks damn good.”

And. While I’m at it. I’m not letting those other pathetic women, who love to throw shade, off the hook.

I don’t care if I know the person or not. If I see something pleasing; then, I open my big fat mouth. Lots of women feel invisible; marginalized, broken and put out to pasture. They see nothing worth talking about when they look into the mirror.

Just last weekend, I saw a woman in Dunkin’ Donuts. She had on a gorgeous camel belted coat. I told her so, as she left the store. She was caught off-guard but displayed a huge smile.

Next weekend is “The Nutcracker.” I hope the woman I met in “Tickled Pink,” walks a bit taller as she sports that gorgeous scarf.

We should never miss an opportunity to make someone’s day a bit brighter with kind words. It may be the only time they hear it!