The Real Story

Luxembourg’s new shopping mall to sell same stuff as everywhere else

Plans were revealed earlier today that Luxembourg’s newest shopping centre, due to be opened in the coming year, will be selling the same products with the same shops as anywhere else.

The multi-million euro complex will be spending millions on marketing and investment in to the same shops you can find anywhere else. Prices will remain ridiculously high, while at the same time, trying to pull in a crowd of shoppers who apparently can’t be found just 1.5km away in the city centre.

“We will just be selling the same old shit”, said a corporate spokesperson. “If we can find a way of selling the same old crap in a different location, we will take that opportunity.”

“Of course we want to bring something to the area, so we thought major traffic jams and being a general nuisance to the local community would be really fun.”

“We don’t really give a shit that Luxembourg was once Europe’s City of Culture, we just want to make money selling crap to teenagers and bored housewives, it’s definitely where the market is heading and we are very excited.”