May 25, 2009

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[show music plays]
Zach Galifianakis: Hi. Welcome to another episode of
Zach Galifianakis: Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis.
Zach Galifianakis: I'm the host of the show and my guest
Zach Galifianakis: today is someone named Bradley Cooper.
Bradley Cooper: I'm so excited to be here.
Bradley Cooper: Thank you.
Zach Galifianakis: You're in a comedy movie right now.
Zach Galifianakis: Let's talk comedy movies.
Zach Galifianakis: I love Wedding Crashers,
Zach Galifianakis: seen it three times.
Bradley Cooper: Oh, thank you.
Zach Galifianakis: Were you in that?
Bradley Cooper: Yeah.
Zach Galifianakis: Who'd you play?
Bradley Cooper: I played Sack Lodge. He was the bad
Bradley Cooper: guy in the movie, opposite to Vince
Bradley Cooper: Vaughn. Remember, I told you I gained
Bradley Cooper: like twenty five pounds for the role
Bradley Cooper: because I was worried that you
Bradley Cooper: wouldn't believe that I could be the
Bradley Cooper: bad guy to Jeremy and John, the
Bradley Cooper: characters that Owen Wilson and Vince
Bradley Cooper: Vaughn play. Thirty-five year old
Bradley Cooper: divorce lawyers and for their free time they like to crash weddings.
Bradley Cooper: And, at one of the weddings that
Bradley Cooper: they're crashing, Owen's character--
Zach Galifianakis: I think, uh, I was thinking about the wedding planner.
Bradley Cooper: No, that's Matthew Mcconaughey, who
Bradley Cooper: I did Failure to Launch with.
Bradley Cooper: He plays a guy, who also thirty five years
Bradley Cooper: old, who's still living at home with
Bradley Cooper: his mom and dad, Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw and I play demo--
Zach Galifianakis: Who gives a fuck? No one gives a fuck.
Zach Galifianakis: So, you live in California?
Bradley Cooper: Yeah. yeah, I live in Venice, California.
Zach Galifianakis: So, you hang out with a lot of showbiz types?
[sound of cellphone texting is heard]
Bradley Cooper: Is fucking Carrot Top behind me?
Zach Galifianakis: No.
Zach Galifianakis: Hi, Carrot.
Carrot Top: Hey, what's up?
Zach Galifianakis: You're on the cover of Details
Zach Galifianakis: magazine, which is a really good
Zach Galifianakis: publication if you have run out of cologne.
[Brad chuckles]
Bradley Cooper: Alright.
[Zach mimics his laugh]
Bradley Cooper: Why do have to be like that?
Zach Galifianakis: What?
Bradley Cooper: Why are you being mean to me?
Zach Galifianakis: I'm not being mean, I'm just asking questions.
Zach Galifianakis: So you hosted Saturday Night Live.
Bradley Cooper: Yeah. That was like a dream come true.
Zach Galifianakis: Whose?
[Brad laughs]
Zach Galifianakis: What's the matter?
Zach Galifianakis: Did Elayne Boosler drop out?
Bradley Cooper: Come on, man.
Zach Galifianakis: Come on, man.
Bradley Cooper: Zach.
Zach Galifianakis: Zach.
Bradley Cooper: What are you doing?
Zach Galifianakis: I'm reading my notes.
Bradley Cooper: No, it's just, you know I was insecure about that.
Zach Galifianakis: Well, man, you know, you can't skate
on your looks alone.
[Brad laughs]
Zach Galifianakis: It's not funny.
[mimics his laugh]
Zach Galifianakis: Let me tell you something.
Zach Galifianakis: What matters is in here.
Zach Galifianakis: You gotta know what's right inside of here.
Bradley Cooper: Don't touch me.
Zach Galifianakis: You need to open up.
Bradley Cooper: Alright.
Zach Galifianakis: Huh--
Bradley Cooper: I'm one of your fucking friends.