The Ugly Mug: Wi-fi Freeloader

So I’m sitting here at my favorite place to write, The Ugly Mug coffeeshop in South Seattle, and a 20-something dude in a maroon and yellow sweatshirt walks in, sits down, and pulls out his laptop. Willie–proprietor, barista, homemade soup chef–calls from behind the counter, “What can I getcha?”

DUDE: “I don’t have any money.”
WILLIE: “You don’t have any money?”
DUDE: “I don’t have any money.”
WILLIE: “Why don’t you have any money?”
DUDE: “Well, I was planning on taking the bus to the bank but I forgot my 50 cents, so now I can’t take the bus and I don’t have any money.”
WILLIE (scratching his head): “So you’re here to use the free wi-fi?”
DUDE: “Uh, yeah.”
WILLIE: “Well…okay, no problem…”
OPINIONATED 30-SOMETHING WRITER: “Dude, here’s where you say, ‘Sorry I don’t have any money, but I’ll come back next week and buy something when I do.'”
WILLIE: “Yeah, stay for today, but just come back again when you’ve got some money.”
DUDE starts packing up his laptop.
WILLIE: “No, stay. I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything. It’s just that the wi-fi is kind of for customers. It costs me money you know.”
DUDE, looking back and forth between Willie and Opinionated 30-something Writer: “Well now I feel kind of bad.”
WILLIE: “No, don’t feel bad. Sit down. It’s fine.”
OPINIONATED 30-SOMETHING WRITER (under her breath): “You should feel bad, you dagnabbin’ Wi-fi Freeloader.”

The Wi-fi Freeloader packed up and left. Willie looked at me over the rim of his pink bifocals. “Didn’t mean to scare him away,” I said. “It’s okay,” Willie said sorta sadlike, “I don’t think he would have come back anyway.”

When my Girlfriend was 20-something and dating, she broke up with yet another guy for not putting their relationship first. Her mom told her, “Men will take and take and take. You just need to decide how much you’re willing to give them.”

I thought it was bullshit then. And I think it’s bullshit now.

Some men will take and take, that’s true. Just look at the Wi-Fi Freeloader…or your boss…or (gasp) your husband. But some men will give and give and give. Like the man in the pink glasses. And it occurs to me that, sometimes, there are men (and women) who do both. And I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.