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Ever have one of those days where you spend so much time staring at your computer screen with a few blank blog posts but with so many things swirling around in your head? Yeah, me too – today is definitely one of those days.

I got paid to take photos for the first time on Sunday. I was incredibly nervous at the beginning and we had a bit of difficulty identifying each other (we were at the zoo), but I think it turned out well in the end. Their son was super cute and he was a good sport for almost an hour, which I think is pretty amazing for a 7 week old baby!

When we were at the zoo, I got to see some different flowers than what was in bloom when I was there last. Perfect for this week’s “Edit This!” challenge. (Whoops! It turns out I’m too late to submit it – that’s what the combination of being busy and procrastinating will do for you – but you can still look at the picture of the neat looking tropical flower.)

I’m taking a hiatus from CUPS next week. I feel that it has just created a lot of superficial stress that makes it very difficult for me to work on the issues that I actually need to work on. As much as I love helping people, it gets a bit tiring to continually deal with drunk/rude/abusive/dirty/etc. people, so I need a break. I have to admit that I am excited that I don’t have to wake up super early and ride the rat race train next week!

Mr. Bean and I have decided to redo part of our second bathroom. We’re getting new flooring put in tomorrow, so all we need to do is pick paint colours and a toilet. I know it seems easy enough, but it always seems to take much longer than expected. We’re also getting the tile in our front landing replaced as the geniuses who installed it did not include a sub floor, so many of the tiles have cracked and/or the grout has fallen out.

I’ve decided that I want to golf more this summer. I used to be fairly good at it in my teens, but I haven’t consistently done it since I started dating Mr. Bean. My biggest problem is convincing myself that I can consistently do it without psyching myself out and doubting my abilities all the time. Hrm. I guess that’s just another example of how bigger problems with self worth plays out in my life.

This week’s One Word Wednesday prompt is Nostalgic. I know we’re nowhere close to Christmas, but out of the pictures I know I have, this was the first thing that popped into my head. It’s always a tradition for my family to make Cherry Almond Crisps around Christmas and we all do our best to eat as much raw dough as possible. But, I want you to look at the table mat underneath the cookies – these were the table mats we’d use during the winter and I’ve spent many hours eating breakfast as a child staring at the mats and wondering what it would be like to be one of the people in the picture and which of the houses I wanted to live in.

Mr. Bean and I watched Wall-E for the first time the other day. SO. CUTE. I know we’re a bit behind in the times, but that’s okay. I highly recommend it as despite there not being much dialogue, it’s very easy to be swept up in the emotional story that Wall-E and Eve play out. Plus, it’s a not so subtle and clever social commentary of Western society. I like those kinds of things.

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Like most women, positive self image is something I struggle with. It’s hard not to compare yourself to those perfectly skinny, beautiful women who are plastered all over magazines, TV and advertisements.

In my family, from my mid-teens on I was the “fat” daughter. I was never obese, just overweight and even when I did lose 25 pounds, I was still about 10 – 20 lbs heavier that my mom and sister. Over the last year I’ve lost about another 10 lbs and even though I know am not fat, I still view myself as such and I’m constantly comparing myself to others. Add in a few zits, grey hair and few other “flaws” and it leaves me feeling very insecure and telling myself that I am hardly an attractive person.

As you might have guessed, my view of myself is determined by the world and not by God, which is how it should be. So what does God say about me?

He says that I am beautiful. I am his treasured child. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. We all have inherent worth because we are his children and he loves us.

When I saw that Jill was starting the “I am Beautiful” project, I knew this was something I wanted, no, needed to participate in it. I’m trying to change my negative self talk into something more positive: filling myself with God’s truth about what he truly thinks about me. This is just another step along that path. I hope that you’ll join us!

I’ve been watching others participate in Selfie-Saturdays, but have never worked up the courage to do it myself as I couldn’t possibly look as nice as all the other people who link up. But since I was taking photos of myself anyways, I thought I might as well try despite my inability to make “Model Eyes” (haha) because there is no reason to be ashamed of my looks – I’m good enough for God, so I am good enough for a self portrait!

I did my best to do the squinty eyes, but I guess I just can’t help but smile. 🙂

I pray that God will show you how beautiful you truly are – inside and out! ❤