"Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Now is the time his bones are formed, his mind developed. To him we cannot say tomorrow, his name is today." - Gabriela Mistral

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Becoming a Domestic Goddess

Now that my son is a little older and, more importantly, has a part-time nanny, one would think I could resume the "normal" (ie - pre-baby) activities people with lives have such as paid work, trips to the salon or secondhand bookshop and lunches with friends. However, I have realized (as all mothers do) that once the umbilical cord is severed after a child is pulled out of your body, it is replaced by an invisible yet much stronger bond that can never be ignored.

For those who are still childless, you've read the books and seen the films - working mother has to rush home or to school because her child is sick or hurt or in trouble. School plays, end-of-term awards days and visits to the doctor mean mothers need more time away from their desks. Children come first, as soon as they come.

For fathers in a two-parent family, life goes on much as normal. Golf games, business trips, happy hour with the boys and constant tv-watching when at home all happen as usual. I will not deny that my husband loves our son probably more than he loves me, but perhaps because he didn't carry the child in his womb for 40 1/2 weeks or nourish it with his breasts for 1.5 years and counting, he doesn't seem as attached to Little A as I am.

Even my dreams of becoming a domestic goddess need to be put on hold. Despite my stay-at-home status and the presence of the nanny, I feel like I should spend as much time as I can with my son while he still allows me to. Baking a batch of brownies while he naps or cooking a quick dinner is fine, but I can't bring myself to spend more time in the kitchen than I need to while he sits in front of the television.

Last night, for the first time, my son pushed me away as he tried to fall asleep on his own. Where he used to hug me tightly around the neck, he now wants his own space. He is growing up, and will eventually be less affectionate, so I need to take what love I can get while I still can.

He has left his mark though. For a while, he would bite in frustration or when he was sleepy. My husband and I bear the marks of our vampire boy's teeth. I will wear the scars proudly for the rest of my life.