What if the babies are born so sick that our lives are changed forever? What if they spend weeks in the NICU and need intensive health care for years? How will our lives be changed? How will our marriage be? What will our home be like? Where will we live? I woke up with those thoughts in my head this morning, my pulse pounding, my heart full of anxiety. I prayed, asking God to forgive my fears and to help me have faith. But I had no peace. No peace at all. And the worries assaulted me, stealing joy. Suddenly, though I've been trooping along with such a positive attitude, I bottomed out on all my optimism, all hope, and all faith. It feels like things might be coming to a pointhead, like any visit to the doctor will give me the news that the babies are coming, ready or not. And, this weekend, I was also physically miserable with all the discomforts that usually assault pregnancy around 8 or 9 months--because I'm actually that big now. I'm uncomfortable, even in pain with those normal and somewhat nasty side-effects of having your abdomen quadruple size. But, I could have three more months to go and there were moments during the last few days that it felt impossible. So, I woke up this morning with a grim face and thoughts full of fear. I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn't the mindset God wants of me. But I was struggling to break free of it. I felt depleted of any quality that might carry me through whatever is in store. Because surely, whatever will happen in the next few months will be challenges of a magnitude that might break me. Oh, God. How do I live through it, face it all and not be beaten down into something that changes me into bleakness? How?All I can say, is God truly loves me. He must. Because this morning He took the time to answer me, to soothe me, to bring my peace back home, to give me strength that will get me through it all, through anything. His truth shone through in a small passage of the Bible:

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."Colossians 3:12-14

Love. That was the answer. Worries over my babies, my marriage, my future are truly unnecessary. God will show me how to deal with every challenge and I can face it all with a peaceful heart full of love. Loving the people around me I will have strength to be exactly the person God needs me to be..a strong person full of joy and hope. I just need to focus on love. If I'm pregnant and miserable for the next three months, it will be more than bearable focusing on the love for my unborn children. If these little ones come early, full of health problems, I can stay strong, compassionate, and patient as I love and nurture my growing family. Oh, and how silly to worry about our marriage. My husband's love he has for his little girls and his wife is a brilliant thing, a precious miracle all in its own. We will be fine. Love will get us through it all. Through God our love is endless, without boundaries, and more than capable to carry us through.Photo by James Wheeler via Flickr

Everyone STOP. Please, right where you are, just pause, and take a moment to celebrate with me. Today is so beautiful. It is Springtime and the world is full with the promise of life. I can feel two baby girls move within me and today was the first time the doctors have been so hopeful, so excited about my little ones' change and growth. God is so GOOD. But what made this moment so much bigger for me was when I realized it was Good Friday. Today I also celebrate the most precious gift of all--forgiveness. Forgiveness that allows me into the presences of God and fills my very being with the Holy Spirit. The sun shines so brightly today and I smile with it. And the Psalms I learned as a child dances through my heart.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.Psalm 23

Oh, yes! I have everything I need in my relationship with God. Whatever blessings of children, health, and family my Heavenly Father blesses me with is simply extra beauty to be gathered in my life. How beautiful is His love for us, His children.And it is because of Jesus that we have this to claim, that we can pray to Him, talk to Him, and feel the answers to our hurt and heartache through the peace that reigns through our soul.I hope you take a moment to celebrate. We all have so much to thank God for. Happy Good Friday and Happy Easter to you all!

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35