aspirational love

I’ve fallen in love and been shot down hard twice since transitioning. These experiences were brutal.

What I realized later about each of the women involved is that they are extremely poised, classy, and feminine (but not necessarily “girly”). You can see this in how they carry themselves, hear it in how they speak, and recognize it in how they address challenges.

As I now work on developing a more feminine poise, demeanor, and class, my extreme emotional attachment to these women is finally diminishing; after holding me in paralysis for such a long period.

Not sure what to make of this fact yet.

Perhaps my love for these women, which was genuine and valid in its own right, was also aspirational in that I saw what I wanted to become in them.

The women I loved pre-transition didn’t fit this pattern. Some were classy; some were not. Some were poised; some were not. My ex-wife was masculine in many ways, and I deeply loved her.