8 September 2006

Wetland archaeology has discovered what may be the oldest road in the world, the Sweet Track, which has been dated through tree-ring dating to either 3807 or 3808 BCE. The road is almost six thousand years old, and had been laying undisturbed under the peat for over a millennium by the time the Great Pyramid was built.

A religion will increase in social value until a majority of its members actually believe in it — at which point the social damage it causes will increase exponentially as long as it is in existence.

--Douglas Rushkoff

19 August 2006

Announcer: A message from John W. Heyward, President of the Heyward Foundation.

John W. Heyward: Hello. I'm a very wealthy man. I'm worth billions, and always have been. But I haven't always been a man with a conscience. Time was, I thought my money was all I needed to be happy. But all that changed one day when I came across.. [ holds up Bible ] ..this book. The Bible. And I saw where it said.. [ reads passage ] .."It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." That passage changed my life. It moved me to start putting my riches towards a worthy cause. And that's why I established the Heyward Foundation. The Heyward Foundation, For The Development Of A Way To Make It Easy For A Camel To Pass Through a Needle's Eyes. I'm not going to Hell if my billions have anything to say about it! And I think they do. Let me show you..

[ enters a laboratory filled with scientists and camels ]

We're doing God's work here at the Heyward Foundation. First, scores of desperate Third World children brought me all these camels. And then I found all these cancer researchers, made them stop whatever it was they were doing, and devote their energies to trying to force these camels through needles, just like it says in the Bible. I know it sounds impossible, but we have made a lot of progress. We started small. We tried to cram a horse through a drinking straw. The result was pretty ugly and completely unsuccessful. But we learned a lot! [ stands in front of a big glass full of a strange-colored liquid ] Next, we tried pureeing a camel into a thin liquid, then pouring the camel through the eye of a needle. Sure enough, the liquid camel will pass through the needle. But.. we think that might be cheating. We've got our lawyers looking into it. But a liquid camel's only part of it. I've also invested millions of dollars from my tobacco and pornography enterprises to build very large needles and very small camels. [ stands in front of a large needle and a miniature camel ] Unless I've completely missed the message of the Bible, somewhere in here is my ticket to Heaven.

Scientist: [ feeding miniature camel ] This is a new batch, Mr. Heyward! Aren't they cute?

John W. Heyward: They're cute...just not small enough. Have them destroyed. [ addresses the camera again ] So, we're working toward a beautiful future here at the Heyward Foundation. We dream of a day when camels pass willy-nilly through the eyes of needles, while billionaire industrialists like myself can look forward to an eternity spent in the pure white light of Heaven. Right, fellas?

Scientists: Yeah!

John W. Heyward: And, if we can't get the camel through the needle, we have another plan. We're prepared to spend millions to get that part taken out of the Bible. Don't worry about me!

Announcer: [ appears as SUPER ] The Heyward Foundation. Working really hard to get Mr. Heyward into Heaven.

Mine is the last voice you will ever hear. Do not be alarmed.

--"Two Tribes," Frankie Goes to Hollywood

10 July 2006

Cincinnus, n.; pl. -ni. [Also cicinus, cicinnus.] [L., a curl of hair.] (Bot.) A form of monochasium in which the lateral branches arise alternately on opposite sides of the false axis; -- called also scorpioid cyme.

Sensors are picking up high concentrations...of danger.

--Stevesoft

14 June 2006

This is necessary because the Earth rotates and its rotation creates both a centripetal acceleration (which tends to lift you off the surface a bit) and an oblateness to the planet (which means that the poles are closer to the center of the Earth than the Equator is).

Included on the page is an Excel spreadsheet which will do the math for you. It is conveniently set for the latitude of Philadelphia. (Convenient for me, that is.)