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Mayflies distance themselves from May

Britain’s mayfly community is seeking reparations from the Prime Minister for making a complete mockery of the name May, which they claim has left them less welcome than blowflies at a barbecue.

Peter Mayfly, a spokesfly for May Pride, said: “We’ve become a laughing-stock among flies. Okay, we accept that we’re not exactly strong and stable, but since Theresa May’s flighty performance during her pointless snap election even the craneflies take the piss and call us weak and wobbly.

“And now those bloody stormflies have got the cheek to say we’re a coalition of chaos. I mean, I might do several u-turns just between here and the other side of the pond, but Mrs May knocks that into a cocked gnat.”

Mr Mayfly went on to describe the constant embarrassment of having to share a name with such an unpopular PM: “The damselflies look down their proboscis at us, and the fireflies are saying we’re not very bright. We can’t even go to the beach without the sandflies kicking sand in our faces.”

He then broke down in tears over the damage done to the reputation of his species. “We’ve lost any credibility whatsover – all the houseflies call us the may-or-may-not-flies” he sobbed, before being devoured by a toad named Donald.