Warden warned after another party thrown in the county jail

Evidence of excessive socialising at the local secure facility has resulted in the Warden being officially cautioned yesterday. The facts, supplied by a Mr E Presley, include allegations of impropriety between number forty-seven and number three.

This follows the dramatic revelation by Geoffrey ‘Sad sack’ Tanner, an inmate at the Lee County Penitentiary, Florida that he was urged to dance with a wooden chair by Christopher Moran, Chief Warden at the penitentiary.

A spokesperson for the Purple Gang, an illicit organisation accused of assisting the warden by providing the rhythm section during these bouts of frenzied frolicking, said: “We dun do nuttin. Jus’ cause dese boys carry violing cases, we ain’t no pi-anna patsys.”

Mr Presley was unavailable for comment, dealing as he is with a long-running dispute with his local postman who keeps bringing Mr Presley’s letter back.