Okay, stop me if you think you heard this one before. Some company that not a single person outside of a Texas courthouse has heard of sues a Very Important Company for infringing a patent that just happens to involve a Very Popular Technology that everyone uses. You heard of it? The same story, a thousand times before? Well, guess what? I don’t care! It’s time for another round of Patent Trolling!

Tonight on Patent Trolling, hosted by yours truly (filling in for Nat Towsen, who is busy hosting an actual show), our contestant is a complete newbie to the Patent Trolling scene. So new, they don’t even have a website! Please welcome, Tranz-Send Broadcasting Network! [Applause, someone screams “Nice Z!”]

Now, before we begin, the question is: “Troll or No?” And according to the one company profile we were able to find, Tranz-Send apparently offers its services through “licensing to partners.” And remember, the third sign of a troll is that their form of business is “licensing!” So we have a troll! [Applause]

So let’s find out what Tranz-Send’s target is today! Meet the company responsible for pissing off the movie and music industries for displaying how shallow and faulty their businesses are, and whose services everyone on this site has used. Say hello to BitTorrent! [Roaring applause, someone screams “BitTorrrrrennnt!” like a madman]

Tranz-Send claims that BitTorrent is infringing on Patent #7,301,944, or the ‘944 for short. The patent calls for “Media File Distribution With Adaptive Transmission Protocols.” Basically, the patent describes every file-sharing protocol as though it were suddenly divined on this… (what’s his name?)… Scott D. Redmond in 1999. Uncanny! [Gasps]

However, it seems like Tranz-Send already performed a foul! [Trombone plays, booing] Instead of suing in the Eastern District Court of Texas, where the patent trolls party, Tranz-Send decided to sue in BitTorrent’s home field of the Northern District Court of California. So it will take this company real audacity and cunning to not have this case laughed out of court! Sorry, Tranz-Send! However, as a consolation prize, we offer Tranz-Send a portion of the Beatles copyrights, now on sale at Citibank and EMI! [Wild applause]

Anyway, it’s time to go, so join us next time on Patent Trolling, when someone tries to sue Apple. Again. See you next time! [Applause, credits roll, production company logo shows for two seconds, cut to T-Mobile commercial]

Okay, stop me if you think you heard this one before. Some company that not a single person outside of a Texas courthouse has heard of sues a Very Important Company for infringing a patent that just happens to involve a Very Popular Technology that everyone uses. You heard of it? The same story, a thousand times before? Well, guess what? I don’t care! It’s time for another round of Patent Trolling!

Tonight on Patent Trolling, hosted by yours truly (filling in for Nat Towsen, who is busy hosting an actual show), our contestant is a complete newbie to the Patent Trolling scene. So new, they don’t even have a website! Please welcome, Tranz-Send Broadcasting Network! [Applause, someone screams “Nice Z!”]

Now, before we begin, the question is: “Troll or No?” And according to the one company profile we were able to find, Tranz-Send apparently offers its services through “licensing to partners.” And remember, the third sign of a troll is that their form of business is “licensing!” So we have a troll! [Applause]

So let’s find out what Tranz-Send’s target is today! Meet the company responsible for pissing off the movie and music industries for displaying how shallow and faulty their businesses are, and whose services everyone on this site has used. Say hello to BitTorrent! [Roaring applause, someone screams “BitTorrrrrennnt!” like a madman]

Tranz-Send claims that BitTorrent is infringing on Patent #7,301,944, or the ‘944 for short. The patent calls for “Media File Distribution With Adaptive Transmission Protocols.” Basically, the patent describes every file-sharing protocol as though it were suddenly divined on this… (what’s his name?)… Scott D. Redmond in 1999. Uncanny! [Gasps]

However, it seems like Tranz-Send already performed a foul! [Trombone plays, booing] Instead of suing in the Eastern District Court of Texas, where the patent trolls party, Tranz-Send decided to sue in BitTorrent’s home field of the Northern District Court of California. So it will take this company real audacity and cunning to not have this case laughed out of court! Sorry, Tranz-Send! However, as a consolation prize, we offer Tranz-Send a portion of the Beatles copyrights, now on sale at Citibank and EMI! [Wild applause]

Anyway, it’s time to go, so join us next time on Patent Trolling, when someone tries to sue Apple. Again. See you next time! [Applause, credits roll, production company logo shows for two seconds, cut to T-Mobile commercial]

Want some circumstantial proof that Nevermind was a landmark release by a game-changing band? In 1991, when it was released, I was eight years old. And when I heard older kids talking about “Nirvana,” I thought that word sounded like some US state that was too far west for me to have heard of. By 1995, I was the 12-year-old kid in an XL Kurt Cobain memorial t-shirt who went around telling all his friends that Nevermind “was actually Nirvana’s weakest album” because it was “too glossy and radio-friendly” and that In Utero was “much cooler.”

Unfortunately for my 12-year-old self, we’ll probably have to wait until 2013 to get excited about an In Utero reissue. But on September 19, my hairless preteen lips can kiss my shaggy adult ass, because Universal is issuing a “Super Deluxe” edition of Nevermind to commemorate its China Jubilee, and I plan on consuming the shit out of it, Butch Vig’s controversial snare samples and all.

The anniversary reissue will consist of a 4CD/1DVD set containing previously unreleased tracks, rarities, B-sides, alternate mixes, rare live recordings, and BBC sessions, as well as an entire previously released Nirvana concert (on the DVD). The BBC shows are, according to Spin, most likely from between 1989 and 1991, and as such, they presumably have “something to say” about the live evolution of certain Nevermind tracks. And according to a statement from Universal, they plan on marking the 20th anniversary of the album with various piddly, unit-moving crap (“events and releases”) throughout the year. Suck it, 12-year-old me! (Seriously though, In Utero is totally the better record.)

All eyes have been on Dirty Projectors since releasing their 2009 opus Bitte Orca (TMT Review). You hear that, Dave Longstreth? I am looking at you now, perhaps even looking inside you, right into your very soul. Spooky, I know! Yet with all those eyes looking at Dirty Projectors, there’s been little to see or hear concerning a proper follow-up to Bitte Orca. That changes now-ish, due to the following quote posted by the band on their Facebook page (via onethirtybpm):

hey all, dave longstreth has been working on new songs since january, and we are all getting really psyched! the band is getting together later this month to hang, listen and prepare. recording this summer. so excited for the next chapter! thanks so much for all your support ♥

♥, indeed! If all goes as planned, Dirty Projectors will be heading into the studio sometime this summer, presumably to work on their next full-length record. Let’s get the rumor mill started this very second. From what I’ve been hearing, the band, much as they did on 2007’s Rise Above (a reinterpretation from memory of Black Flag’s Damaged), are returning to the inspiration pool of SST Records. Specifically, I have reason to believe, based on absolutely no evidence, that their new record will be a track-by-track tribute to The Descendents’ ALL, in which the one-second title track is transformed into a nine-minute art-rock epic.

Living in a post-Royal Wedding world is hard. Where can commoners experience the pomp, the circumstance, the glamour, the funny hats, if not in the Kate Middleton-bearing pages of OK! and Us Weekly? Yea, verily a cloud is descending upon the Anglophone world, one without debates on the importance of wedding dress designers and royal spray tans. Fans of crazy outfits and ridiculous names face a bleak future indeed.

Enter Kid Creole, a.k.a. August Darnell, the closest thing America currently has to a swingin’, non-murderous Jazz Age kingpin. The genre-bending, self-proclaimed offspring of all things tropical has announced that he and The Coconuts will return after a 10-year hiatus with a new studio album (and presumably newer, brighter zoot suits). I Wake Up Screaming comes out September 13 via Strut Records and will be preceded by the release of the single “I Do Believe” in July. The single will feature mixes by Brennan Green, Faze Action, 40 Thieves, and Emperor Machine. As usual, the album promises the Kid’s suave blend of film noir style and smooth tropical vibes, but this time, there’s something different: collaborations with Andy Butler of Hercules and Love Affair.

The addition of Butler seems like a natural step for the fedora-sporting Kid Creole, whose last studio album came out in 1997. Originally formed in 1980, Kid Creole and The Coconuts were part of NYC’s fascinating and funky “mutant disco” scene. Darnell was also a member of Studio 54 favorites Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band. He produced releases by a multitude of ZE Records artists like Cristina and Don Armando’s Seventh Avenue Rumba Band, who are now cult favorites.

Shut up, Andrew Bird. Every single time someone makes a direct comparison between you and me (and, oh, it happens a lot), I always come out looking pretty darn bad. You can play violin and whistle and write intelligent, likable folk-pop. I can’t play violin, can’t whistle, and my folk-pop has been frequently labeled as “low-brow” and “moody.” All I have is a dated rebuttal about how I didn’t play in The Squirrel Nut Zippers, and, honestly, I kind of wish I had played in The Squirrel Nut Zippers.

Here’s another difference between me and Bird: Andrew Bird, being Andrew Bird and all, is heading out on a tour of North America, with many dates featuring his buddy and drummer Dosh playing an opening set. Me? Hell, I doubt I’ll even go out of town more than a handful of times this year. The best I can do is maybe listen to a Dosh album or send him a postcard or something.