1.22.2012

Trampoline World

“You know, if we lived on a bigger planet and then visited Earth, it would feel like Trampoline World everywhere. PERSPECTIVE.”

Phones are not allowed = no personal pics.

So, some guy was like, “Ugh, if only I could throw my stupid kid on our family trampoline and he wouldn’t just roll off the other side… My wife and I would fight way less.” And that is the totally factually accurate way that Sky High (which I will henceforth refer to as Trampoline World because I like it better) came into existence.

It’s basically a big warehouse, sectioned off into different zones of trampoline-ing. There is the children’s area (not gonna lie, there were some creepers milling about), the bounce, bounce, land in pit of soft foam cubes (and never ever escape) runway, the dodge ball + trampolines = even more dangerous arena, and the general room full of trampolines.

Before entering the fun zone, one must sign a liability form. They insist you do NOT try tricks that are past your skill level (but then how will I learn?!). And, since my skill level is -3, I mostly ran back and forth in the big, generic trampoline room and pretended I was stuck on fast-forward.

Oh, and you may bounce barefoot or in shoes. BUT YOU MAY NOT BOUNCE IN SOCKS! FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS DO NOT BOUNCE IN SOCKS. SOMETHING TERRIBLE AND UNFORSEEN WILL HAPPEN. THINGS WILL NOT END WELL FOR ALL INVOLVED.

Employees, I presume.

One pays for an hour ($10) of access into the warehouse at a time. What? Only an hour? Oh, trust me, Little One, an hour is plenty of time to collect an injury and ashamedly pretend you’re not crying while every member of the staff of teenagers (“Happy 20th birthday Brittany! Here’s your cake, now pack up your locker for you are no longer welcome here.”) shuffle by and offer to bring you ice (it’s such an automatic response for the employees, that I imagine before every shift the manager forces them into roll play exercises where the correct thing to do is ALWAYS offer ice. “Okay, Kimme, you’re turn. Ouch I stubbed my toe.” “Let me get you some ice.” “GREAT JOB, Kimme! Now, Tyler, you’re turn. Oh, no! My dignity is bruised.” “Can I get you some ice?” “Oh, so close, Tyler. Remember not ask if they need ice, assume they need ice. ICE! ICE! ICE! Ice…”).

You will get hurt. There’s no “maybe” about it. If you visit Trampoline World you will become injured somehow. Whether it be from rolling an ankle (Nikki), throwing your arm out playing dodge ball (Kc), being sore the next few weeks (James (I’m assuming)), or good ol’ trampoline-burn (yours truly), pain will find you and claim you for his own.