“House Republicans want to give teachers their raise by doubling the advertising budget for the so-called Education Lottery. Yes, I actually typed those words. They are some of the most downright nutty words to come my way in 12 years here but they are true. And you actually did just read them. If they are not some of the most downright nutty words you’ve ever read, then you’re reading really funny stuff.

Republicans opposed the lottery when it was created in 2005. They positioned it as a sleazy way for Mike Easley, Jim Black and the Democrats to grab millions more dollars for GuvCo. But they were the minority in Raleigh back then, Republicans, so when it became clear they couldn’t stop the lottery they tried to at least keep it from being too successful by making sure its advertising couldn’t be too enticing. Ads could describe the games but couldn’t promote playing them in the same way fast food restaurants can promote a sandwich such that you gotta-wanna-needa-getta-have one.

Democrats didn’t do much to fix this problem when they ran Raleigh, but Republicans have been in control since 2011. Being the party in charge in a state with just about the worst teacher pay in the country makes them look like knuckleheads or Neanderthals, neither of which are attractive to CEOs wanting to expand their companies. Republicans will now do anything to get the monkey of teacher pay off their backs, even cozying up to the same lottery they once reviled.

So here’s my big idea, Republicans: Buy teachers millions of lottery tickets. One-in-four of them will get more money, which is about how many you think deserve it. The dollars spent on tickets will simply recirculate back to GuvCo. And teachers can spend their summers scratching-off.”