Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth." Genesis 9:13

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Med changes suck

They just do. This is the 2nd day on my slightly increased gabapentin. I am not sleepy at night but I was groggy today. That may be the flu shot residuals, it may be depression, it may be exhaustion and it may be the med. I don't know how to tell. Maybe tomorrow it will be more clear. It did not feel medicated.

The thing about this is that this is one of my "it may or may not work but it can't hurt to take it meds". We know it had some effect when it was started and when I went from 300 to 400 mg. So it does something. There is no way to know how much though. Probably not a lot, especially with the low dose. I don't think it even really has research showing it acts as a mood stabilizer, despite lots of people being on it for that. I'm willing to take it because at some point in the past it did clearly show that it helped a bit. But I hate not having any way at all to know what is going on now. I'll know in a few days if my mood is more stable I guess and if it isn't and I can tolerate it I can increase by another 100 mg. That's the dose where I had a lot of problems in the past but other variables were in play then that make doing it this way worth a try at least.

I honestly feel like just laying in bed, closing my eyes and refusing to move or take meds or think for about a week. I think I may cancel Dr. Mind since I am tired from the med (or from whatever) and I think that rest may be more beneficial this week because he is feeling so bad that he just isn't himself. I can't see handling very well getting up and driving up there when exhausted and then having him not be well enough to do the session. If I do that it would give me 5 days in a row without any appointments. And that sounds blissful right now.

Otherwise I seem to be getting sleepy. Going to take advantage of that.

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About Me

Over the years I have noticed that when I have the least hope a rainbow appears. Rainbows are a wonderful combination of beauty, hope, happiness and rain, the product of ugly grey clouds that hide the beauty of the sky. The beauty that is a rainbow can only come with the presence of both rain and sun. Such is life with bipolar disorder. There are good times, there are tough times, and there are rainbows to remind us that beauty will return, sometimes fleetingly and sometimes for a long time. This blog is my story of sadness and hope. Please scroll down to "Who I Am" under Pages to read more about me and the people who populate this blog.

In Case

Please note that any patient experiences noted in this blog are heavily edited to disguise events. Similarities to real persons are coincidental.

Please also know that while I speak as a professional at times, I am not a doctor. I have strong opinions, some based on professional training and/or experience, some based on research, and some based on personal experience of my own variety of this illness. Therefore what I say is my opinion, not a fact and doctors should always be consulted.