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Saturday, November 1, 2008

Things you thought you'd never say

There are thousands of parenting books out there. I've read a number of them. But there are things that I've discovered through my walk as a parent that these books never covered.

Sure, they tell us that we'll end up sounding like our parents. We'll holler at our children and use all THREE names. These books tell us we'll deal with manners, learning to make friends, driving lessons, potty training and more (hopefully not in that order of course!!). They are full of wonderful wisdom.

But never in my reading did I learn that completely absurd things would spew from my mouth and I would be completely serious!

I was sitting at lunch with my children and my nephew. I would love to report that we were having an organic, meat free salad with just a spritz of dressing and fresh fruit from the tree in the backyard. But... we weren't. It was bologna sandwiches and some other more typical lunch sides. At any rate, during the meal the children discovered the joy of eating bologna. You know... fold the bologna in half and take a bite. The resulting hole can be quite hilarious.

I don't usually endorse playing with food at mealtime. But this was such an educational experience. Just think of the synapses that were being formed in their little brains! My nephew though decided it'd be a good idea to put his piece of bologna up on his head. Without missing a beat, with all the seriousness in the world, I turned to him and said, "Joshua, bologna is not a hat".

It was in that moment I realized that parenting books don't even scratch the surface of what being a parent really entails. We have to be ready to mold these bizarre creatures into fully functioning adults. And, as I've grown in my parenting, I learned that the kids are strange when they are three - they're still strange when they're eleven - and I'm sure my mom still thinks I'M strange.

I've got to go now though. As I write this my three-year-old is learning the art of eating a Pixy Stix. Yes, it's the morning after Halloween and we have CANDY in our house! He ate his breakfast and now I've allowed him two pieces of candy. I've got another teaching moment to share. If you remember, you can't touch your lips to a Pixy Stix or the sugar won't come out. (More synapses being formed! He's going to be soooo smart!)