Intellectual Conversations Are Risky

Being an intellectual person, what would you do when you come across a like-minded intellectual soul? Of course, you will impulsively respond to an intellectual conversation. You will always find sharing and exchanging of idea beneficial. However, it initiates some misunderstandings when it happens between opposite genders.

In fact, like-mindedness and sharing yourself with someone else on the equal wavelength ignites an intellectual chemistry which brings out all the sincerity, openness and friendliness in the conversation. People intend to meet each other, even more than once. Or, they like to communicate whenever there is an opportunity. It is something like food for our souls and minds. So, people consider these activities healthy that let them grow personally, socially and professionally. However, problems occur when opposite genders take it as steps towards personal relationships.

Interestingly, our intellectual youngsters are more mature in this matter. They share their ideas freely without jumping into personal relationships immediately. They are not afraid of discussing any topic. Like-mindedness is something pleasant for them but they don’t think that it necessarily leads them to personal relationships. An open media has broadened their horizons. And, fortunately, they have access to social interaction with the opposite gender from their high school years. So, they are wiser and more confident from a young age. Moreover, it makes them clear about what exactly they want from life in terms of relationships. They may handle mere intellectual friendships and co-working without getting into personal relationships. Even so, sometimes they respect the one-sided feelings as well.

Contrarily, middle-aged people in Pakistan react to intellectual interactions differently because of their restricted upbringing where they were not encouraged to mingle up with opposite genders for the sake of exchanging ideas. It’s something new for them. Moreover, they are busy dealing with the suitable or unsuitable marriages that took place mainly because of their parental approval. In the case of mid-life crisis, they are not able to abandon their children or hurt their spouses for one reason or the other. On the other hand, they have opportunities to communicate with like-minded opposite genders who seem to be more compatible and are available at their workplaces and other intellectual forums. And, with them, they feel like having a real companionship. This conflict is so brutal that people urge to satisfy themselves while ignoring religion and morality. The situation becomes more intense when people from different moral values come across each other.

I believe that marriage defines our loyalties, though it gives personal freedom to interact with others in society on an intellectual level. Here, things become complicated when one of the genders takes the intellectual exchange as a healthy activity only, but the other gender takes it as initiating a personal relationship. In this case, both the genders get hurt. The first one loses a like-minded friend, acquaintance or potential co-worker, and the other person loses an expected personal relationship.

I think, married people should define their social status first before interacting with others. They should answer these questions honestly:

What is my family life to me?

What is the place of religions and morals in my life?

Am I happily married, or going through a midlife crisis, where I am looking for a right life partner?

In the case of midlife crisis, am I ready to handle a new partner along with my current family? If yes, what will be the actual shape of it?

If my family, religion or morality is my priority, can I be contented while limiting myself to only intellectual friendships?

These answers will give them clarity about what to pursue when they converse with the other like-minded persons. If two persons feel like having a relationship, and they are successful in finding a solution or set up that is feasible for both of them, Great! If they don’t agree on it, at least they can respect an intellectual friendship.

8 Comments

Excellent post indeed, highlighting a very sensitive yet important topic. This is happening quite common among educated individuals. Actually it’s all about being empathetic. Usually, people are unable to realize other person’s situation and start over reacting. This doesn’t help improve such understanding rather spoils the intellectual chemistry established with hard work and over a period of time.
More such platforms should be established to guide people to interact freely, and intellectually with patience, hope, understanding, and empathy.
Well done Kausar!

Kausar dont you think that apart from all the emotional stability and mental clarity, this generation have got from media and internet, another important factor is that when we are young and free we do not value or cherish this intellectual companionship as much as we do in middle age. Reason being that all the baggage of responsibilities, marriage, career that we carry over a long period of time, sometimes leave us alone in the end. Then that inner soul starts punching us from inside, we do not want to live anymore with all the compromises that we made due to one reason or the other. But irony is that sometimes we can not set ourselves free from many situations that we are in. At that moment we search for our soulmates or intellectual companions. You have rightly said that it leads to complications if that person is from opposite gender and if he or she doesn’t understand the extent of that relationship. Of course it is ideal if that person is your spouse but i think not only in our society( where we are forced into marriages ) but even in west it is not very common to have an intellectual companionship with your spouse. Or even if they have it they loose that frequency and wavelength after a certain period of time and they simply leave each other. I believe that this pressure of living life “not” on our on terms, unable to set ourselves free, leave us restless and then we look around in search of someone who is feeling the same way. In young age friends are more than worries in middle age “true friends” are very less than worries. I don’t know whether i could convey my point or not. We humans are very complicated and in this article you have beautifully narrated the jumbled up
thoughts in a very communicable manner.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your invaluable thoughts. I appreciate your contribution. And, yes, I agree. We can’t leave our families most of the times for one reson or the other or betray our spouses no matter what but we value our intellectual friendships. The win win situation is when the other person value the intellectual relationships without being immoral, that is essential for our peace of mind and religious and spiritual faith.