Lacking the Football Gene

Posted Friday, November 6, 2009, at 10:59 PM

It's that time of year again, a time when I spend a good deal of my time scratching my head in confusion. It's a time when formerly sensible friends and loved ones suddenly start speaking in tongues. Most of you call it football season.

I don't get football at all. It's not that I don't get sports at all. Hockey, soccer, and tennis all make perfect sense. I've been known to catch a baseball game. The overall game of golf makes sense, and I'm slowly figuring out the details. I am currently watching my favorite NBA team on ESPN (and typing this during halftime). But football?

I've tried to understand it. My husband tries to explain it to me, as have other people. I'm still drawing a blank. I see a bunch of guys moving around the field randomly. They continually gather into groups, only to split apart and violently slam each other into the ground. It seems to me that it is usually they guy with the ball getting creamed by guys of the opposing team, but I'm not sure that is always the case. Between skirmishes, the guys wander around aimlessly or stand idly until they appear to be needed. Sometimes they turn off the clock when they do that, sometimes they don't. That baffles me. It's like watching an alien species move around in a patternless manner.

Am I missing a necessary gene for decoding football? Is it just me? I'd hate to think that I am alone.

Aimee graduated from Spencer High School in 1994, and then moved to a
large city on the west coast. She returned to Spencer in 2007. Aimee
spent more than a decade in veterinary medicine and dog training, and
now works in a public library. She lives with her husband, daughter,
two dogs, and a cat.