The same weight loss journey, but with new resolve. Looking to conquer the fat once and for all!

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

"I've been living so long with these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they're real..."

I was a teenager in the early 90's, so naturally, I loved The Cure.:-) Except the line in that song is REALLY fitting at the moment.

We all have different complexes when it comes to seeing ourselves in photos, right? Some of us thing we look atrocious in MOST photos and hate being photographed. Some of us think we look amazing. And of course, there are some in between.

Well, there have been some photos taken of me recently that are pretty freaking unflattering. Although I know I have extra poundage that needs to be lost, I certainly did not think that I currently look like Jabba the Hut. Only worse. And I'm not exaggerating.

I don't LOVE having photos taken, but I also don't mind them - especially if a moment is being captured. I rarely look at photos of myself and think that they're brilliant - but there are a few photos that I'll actually look at, and feel happy about the image reflected back at me. Lately, those images are far and few.

What is it about photos that are different about a mirror reflection? And why is the mirror reflection never as truthful? Maybe because it isn't permanently etched onto a piece of paper? Because when I look in the mirror, I know that I need to lose weight - but I don't think that I look unfit to be seen by the general public, you know? These recent photos, however, turned my stomach.

I really do feel like I'm living in a fat-suit at the moment, and I want so desperately to shed it. I'm working on it, I know - but I'm kicking myself in the butt for allowing things to get to this stage in the first place. It is sooooo easy to gain weight - like, looking at a piece of cake will add 5 lbs onto my body. Losing it takes extraordinary determination, blood, sweat, and tears. And remind me again why I don't remember this before inhaling a bowl of ice-cream?

Well, I'm on my way to changing this. I wish it could happen quickly, but that is life. As crushed as I am by these recent pictures, it is just more motivation to get myself into gear.

Having said that....they'll make great "Before" pictures. Because my "After" one's are going to knock my own socks off.;-)

11 comments:

Oh man -- I completely hear you. I knew that I put on some weight last fall/winter... but when the Christmas pictures surfaced I was ready to run for the hills! Sometimes pictures are great motivators... even if we do look dreadful in them.

i think photos just show the whole package, top to bottom, sometimes the mirror only shows part of us... i can practice smiling, so my double-chin doesn't show up, for hours and when the picture is taken - BAM its there... i never win so i stopped trying... ;o)

I know what you mean about the pictres. When I was at my heaviest (about 222 lbs) I would see a picture taken of me and think...who is that girl in the photo???? It sure as hell isn't me! It was honeslty like looking at a stranger. I didn't recognize myself. But they are great inspiration!

I know what you mean about pictures. When I was in Cancun this year, I had multiple pictures of me in a bathing suit (this was at the very very beginning of my Weight Loss Journey), and I think I look terrible in them. Now that I'm 17lbs light, I still don't think I look great, but I sure like what I see more than I did before! But I don't know that I will ever be 100% happy with myself in pics.

Me Me Me

I've struggled with being overweight for most of my life. I've lost and gained many times. Two kids later, it's not just about me anymore. I've decided that being healthy is my top priority. Inside, I've always wanted to be a "runner". I've only ever run a 5K race, but it ignited something in me. My dream is to get fit and run as far as my legs will carry me. A marathon even. Someday.