The Choices of Maturity and Character

In life, there are 7 choices that we can make that not only build strong character, but also allow us to mature and live in alignment with the core of who we truly are. Most people are totally unaware, and thus, live their lives at the mercy of outside circumstances.

If we choose to live our lives according to these choices of maturity and character, we naturally and positively end up leading others in the same way.

The greatest goal we can aspire to in life is to be mature, decisive, consistent, and strong.

Teaching Others vs Being Taught

We all need to study and learn throughout our lives. Learn about ourselves, learn about other people, develop skills and talents, so we can go on and do the things that we ultimately want to do.

There are a lot of people on this planet who know a lot of stuff, but most don’t achieve much. Knowledge itself is useless. It just sits there in the brain doing nothing. Knowledge without application is pointless.

Teaching other people is a choice of maturity and character. There’s many people who are going to sit back in the crowd and simply wait to be taught. They simply want to learn. Some will apply the newly learned knowledge, while others won’t.

Religion is a great example of this. Religion is very weak. You have pockets of people who congregate week in and week out, listen to a sermon or bible study, then they go about their daily lives. Then next week they’ll go back and do exactly the same thing over again.

Some people commit their lives to sharing everything they have to teach other people. Whereas some people will just sit back and wait to be taught.

Wisdom in life actually comes through applying the information that they’ve already absorbed. If we’re not applying or actioning what it is that we’ve already been taught, then we’re never going to develop the understanding or any real degree of value that’s of any benefit to anyone else anyways.

Those people who commit their lives to teaching others everything they have, those people are influencers, the mover’s & shakers, the mentors, and coaches.

Those who simply commit to a life of being taught, end up going nowhere.

Self-Evaluation vs Self-Criticism

Criticism is an expression of immaturity. When we’re criticizing, we’re reacting to things in our outside worlds that we fundamentally don’t like. We assume that because we don’t like it, it must be bad. We also assume that if we don’t like it, then everyone else should not like it as well. And we try to force those opinions on others.

Critics don’t offer any value to anyone, because everyone is out there doing their best in life. Everyone is operating at different levels of consciousness awareness, with different tools.

This is the choice that many people make in life- to criticize instead of evaluate.

When someone else does or says something that you deem as ‘wrong’, you have an option to criticize them, or to pause, and evaluate your thinking and emotions.

You can choose to self-evaluate and think, “I’m emotionally responding to the way In which you’re speaking to me right now. I wonder why? The emotions going on inside of me are MY problem. They’re not yours. And they’re not anyone else’s. So if I’m feeling angry because of something you’ve said, that’s not a reflection on you. It’s reflection on me, and my willingness to take control of myself and my emotions, or not.”

Self-evaluation expresses itself in that pause, before we react to something someone has said or done. Before you react and fly off the handle, ask yourself, “Why is this a problem?” If we understand WHY something is a problem, we’re halfway to overcoming the problem.

Seeking Unity vs Promoting Dis-unity

If you want a great example of dis-unity, take a look at government and world leaders. Their ideologies of the way things should be promotes complete dis-unity between people and entire nations.

When partnering up with someone else in unity, two people are able to achieve and accomplish so much more than what one person can do on their own. 100 can accomplish even greater feats together in unity.

When people choose to commit to understanding each other, and working together, we accomplish so much more.

Dis-unity is “I don’t need anyone else. Screw the world.” “My opinion is the only one that counts.” That’s not maturity; that’s arrogance and pride. Arrogance and pride alone will promote disunity.

Living by Faith vs Living in Fear

Most people don’t understand what faith is. What is it that prevents most people from moving forward and doing the things they really want to do in life? Fear. Most people live their whole lives in fear. Living in fear of the worst possible outcomes. “If I do this, that might happen. So I’ll just stay where I’m at and do nothing.”

Faith is: “This is where I’m at, and this is where I want to be. They only way I’m going to get from here to there, is if I step out and hope, and hold an expectation of the BEST possible outcome.”

Living by faith means that we step outside of our comfort zones and we get comfortable living in a place of discomfort. It’s necessary if we want to move forward and make progress in life.

People who build their lives on this false idea of faith, they’re unstable.

Faith has nothing to do with beliefs. Faith is a “doing” word. It’s always going to be about an action that we’re taking. Stepping out and taking a risk, or uncertainty. Faith and uncertainty always go hand in hand.

People have this desire for certainty. Certainty is an illusion. The only thing certain in life is uncertainty.

People live their lives day to day with this ideology that faith is about religion or God. When their faith is strong, they’re living strong lives. But when their expectation hasn’t been met, and their faith is weak, they become disappointed and the good God that they were serving suddenly becomes a bad God who’s somehow punishing them, or finds them unworthy, or they rationalize it with ‘suffering is holy’.

They live by extreme attitudes and behaviors. Manic episodes. They’re either totally up or totally down. And those who live by ‘faith’, in the religious sense, will generally be quite controlling.

Change your focus away from the worst-case scenario, to the best case scenario. What happens on the inside will also completely change. The only thing we’re able to control is the way we choose to react or respond to the situations and circumstances that we find ourselves in.

Governed by Truth vs Governed by Feelings

Most people don’t understand how we work. They don’t understand themselves. They’re not particularly self-aware. They have a thought, then feel a certain way, and then they react to the feelings. Most people don’t respond to reality. They only ever respond to their perception that’s going on inside their own minds.

The only truth that’s ever going to be relevant to you is what you do and how you live your life today, and the truth of who you actually are. Because this becomes our foundation in life.

Once we become secure in who we actually are, the winds can blow, people can say whatever they choose to, the economy may collapse, and things can happen, but we become completely unshakable.

When we’re building and basing our lives on anything less that truth, we’re building on very shaky ground.

The greatest problem that people have in life, is that they’re not grounded, and aren’t secure in who they are.

The only thing that’s relevant between you and another human being is, what is true between you and the people that you keep company with. The truth in the context of any relationship.

Other people are governed by their feelings. “I feel like my world is ending.” Is your world actually ending? You may feel like it is. But the truth is that your world isn’t ending. So that makes your feelings irrelevant.

Just because you believe a certain thing about yourself, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because you feel a certain way about something, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because you have an opinion, doesn’t mean that opinion is true.

Once we establish the facts and truth of who we actually are, we become grounded. If we’re no longer emotionally led in life, then we’re virtually free from problems.

How do you know what’s true?

Truth is already in us. It’s how we’re wired. We all have “aha” moments that resonate with the truth. They’re undisputable.

We also have these 2 concepts called actual truth and relative truth.

Actual truths are truths that are true for all people, in every country, in all parts of the world. They’re undisputable. For example, human beings must have water to survive. Or, children are dependent on their parents or adults for their basic needs until they reach a certain age.

Relative truths are not true for all people. They’re done differently by different people according to their individual beliefs. They are merely conditioned beliefs, individual perceptions, and opinions.

The trick is to know the difference between your actual truths and your relative truths.

If we’re not leading people in truth, and insight, as to who it is that they actually are, then we’re not offering anyone any value whatsoever.

When you’re looking at all of the relationships you have with other people, there are things you need to be asking yourself….

Is this a mature relationship? Is this a respectful relationship? Is there a dependency in this relationship? We need to both establish where we’re at so we can both make a well informed decision about whether we actually want to move forward together or not.

Desiring Growth Challenges vs Desiring Happiness

Most people are fundamentally unhappy. You can have all the happiness in the world, or you can have fulfillment. If people are so immature that they can’t see that fulfillment is better than happiness, then there’s nothing you can do for them.

Fulfillment comes through us giving. Happiness just comes through us getting. If we’re only getting something, then that happiness comes at the cost of someone else.

In life, people are never disappointed in what they find. They’re only ever disappointed in what they expect to find. People aren’t disappointed in you. You just didn’t meet their expectations. Which means their expectations aren’t realistic.

When we’re desiring growth challenges, what we’re actually desiring is more truth-based conversations. It’s establishing the truth in the context of every area of our life that will challenge us to grow.

Why has this rattled me? What belief am I clinging on to that I’m not willing to let go of here? How can I grow through this? Is there a perspective here that I’m somehow missing?

Developing Self-Awareness vs Emotional Reactiveness

We become more and more aware of ourselves. It’s realizing that yes, we have this perception thing going on inside our minds, but our perception isn’t reality. And our perspective isn’t the only perspective in the world.

Perception and perspective is where people end up getting stuck.

We need to get people out of the limited perspective that they have, into something bigger where they can evaluate their life or the circumstance from a more objective viewpoint.

Emotional reactiveness is where we have a thought, a subsequent emotion, and then we just react to it. If words trigger some sort of emotional reaction inside of you, then it’s your responsibility to control and manage that.

Think about someone you know who’s emotionally unbalanced. Someone who’s depressed or anxious. Think about how their lives are.

People who base their lives on their feelings, they are inconsistent, their moods and “truth’s” are always changing according to the latest feeling or emotion, and therefore you cannot trust them. They’re fundamentally immature. They haven’t reached self-control.

You can get your life sorted as much as you want, but as soon as you let other people into your life, people bring their shit. If you have a lot of people in your life who are fundamentally governed and led by their feelings, that rubs off on you.

And if you’re trying to be the person who “fixes” people, then you’re going to be surrounded by irresponsible, dependent, and immature people who haven’t taken responsibility for themselves. You’re going to live a life that’s heavily unfulfilled.

Immature people are exhausting. You need to set some boundaries and standards in your life. I will not work or spend time with anyone who isn’t willing to take responsibility for themselves. They’re not the kind of people I want in my life.

If your a coach, then your business is yours. You can choose who to work with. Work with the ones who are already on the road to change. And who are already on the road toward mental and emotional maturity.

Reflection on Maturity and Character Choices

It’s time to unpack these choices of maturity and character by answering the following questions:

Teaching Others vs Being Taught:

What are you currently learning that you could be sharing with others today? What steps can you take today towards becoming a better teacher for others?

Self-Evaluation vs Self-Criticism

Do you opt for self-criticism or self-evaluation? Are you your own best friend or worst enemy? What changes can you make today towards becoming a better evaluator of yourself?

Seeking Unity vs Promoting Dis-unity

Are you committed to working with and understanding other people or are you more interested in just doing things in your own way? What changes can you begin making today to better understand others and begin working towards unity with other people?

Living by Faith vs Living in Fear

Do you take risks ‘in faith’ that things will work out for the best, or do you tend to ‘play it safe’ in fear of making mistakes? How much more could you achieve with your life if you were to STOP exercising fear, and START exercising more faith?

Lifestyle Governed by Truth vs Lifestyle Governed by Feelings

Are you completely honest with yourself and others in all areas of life? Do you hold yourself back just to keep the peace with others? Who could you be more honest with today if you weren’t worried about how others would react?

Desiring Growth & Challenges vs Desiring Pleasure & Happiness

Do you embrace challenge and look for ways to grow and develop yourself, or are you more inclined to shy away from change? What areas of your life could you start improving yourself in today to become of greater value to others?

Developing Self-Awareness vs Emotional Reactiveness

Do you evaluate life and circumstances from an objective viewpoint or are you more inclined to react emotionally to other people and the circumstances that you face? What changes can you begin making today to help you develop a greater degree of self-awareness?

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