Welcome to my Blog.

These are my ramblings in an attempt try and understand my Dissociative Identity Disorder. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope that together we can come to a better understanding of the human mind. If you have any questions or comments you are more than welcome to add them to my blog, or to email me. I would love to hear from you.

06 May, 2012

Lost memories

As you can probably tell from my previous post I was not feeling to good today. My husband and I decided to get out for a few hours for a drive. We just headed south to see what we could see. We came across a beach I never knew existed, about and hour south of where we live. As we approached the foreshore my Alters started to chime in. "you have been here before, this is where the H family used to bring you". The place did not look at all familiar, but in a strange way I kind of knew they were telling the truth. The H family had baby sat my sister and I after school from when I was about 7years old to about 11 or 12. I have one memory of going with them to their shack, but it was at night and I was going to bed, so have no idea of what the rest of the house or surrounding area were like.
I spoke to my mum this afternoon and mentioned it to her and she laughed that I didn't remember it. Apparently we went there a few times. I don't remember a single thing about the place but that one memory. Even as we walked around the beach today nothing seemed familiar. It is the strangest feeling to be in a place that you know you should remember but there is nothing.
We walked along the rocks and found a spot with hundreds of small shells and pebbles. My 'littles' were so excited. I sat down amongst the shells and rummaged through to find the prettiest ones. As much as they all wanted to come out and play at once, it was hard. We don't like to be seen that way, as a little child in an adults body and we are very guarded about letting them come out. They were forward enough to enjoy the fun and to collect some shells for later.
My memories must be locked up pretty tight to not come out even when I am in the same place. What was I feeling there, did I feel safe there, which alter was there for that time as a child and why don't they come forward now? I saw a shack like the one the H family used to take me too, I only know this because my alters told me, again I don't remember it. It is a strange feeling, a very strange feeling. Its like its some else's memory that I have been told about but have no personal recollection of. I remember so little of my life, even events in my late teens are gone. How much more is locked up in the mind of a scared little child?