Steam Donkeys Call for End to Heat Wave

Buffalo-based musical act and global think tank the Steam Donkeys are calling for an end to the oppressive heat wave that has gripped the area for several days.

“Ordinarily, we do not get involved with influencing weather patterns,” said Steam Donkeys front man and spokesperson Buck Quigley, “but this kind of heat is not just a hazard to public health. It stresses our power grid due to the over-use of air conditioning, and the humidity wreaks havoc with people’s hairdos. We felt that someone had to do something about it. And we realized that ‘someone’ was us.”

Some Native American groups are calling the event an affront to their culture, turning a sacred ritual into a publicity stunt to draw a crowd.

“It’s no different than Johnny Depp playing Tonto,” says Quigley. “Yes, the movie is a bomb, and yes, Depp has weathered criticism for taking on the role of a Native American. We don’t intend to offend anyone. Perhaps it is a bad move on our part. And if that turns out to be the case, we apologize in advance. But frankly, it’s so freaking hot that nobody can think straight.”

Quigley also notes that since the band’s decision to hold the rain dance, the National Weather Service is now predicting a cold front moving in behind thunderstorms Friday night and into Saturday. By Saturday night, temperatures are expected to be 15 degrees cooler with little humidity. A pleasant summer evening, in other words.

“In which case, we won’t be doing our rain dance after all,” Quigley stresses. “Instead, we will just do what we do every gig—play a bunch of tunes, take a break, and challenge audience members to a game of Twister for shots of tequila.”