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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

A Few More Weight Loss Songs for the Wee Little Children

The Runny Honey
You put your right foot out,
You put your left foot out,
You put your right foot out again,
And you keep going like that.
You get all runny, honey
And you wear yourself plumb out.
That’s what it’s is all about.

Where Oh Where Has My Willpower Gone
Oh where, oh where
Has my willpower gone?
Oh where, oh where can it be?
With my workouts cut short
And my eating all wrong
Oh where, oh where can it be?

Ain’t It Great to Be Healthy?
A horse and a flea and three fat dogs,
Tried to lose the most on their weight loss blogs.
The horse lost a pound and taunted the flea.
“Dammit,” said the flea, “Tain’t fair for me!”

Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?
Happy and hearty the whole day through
Blog, blog, ain’t it great to be healthy?

The Jackey Sh*t Club
Who’s the leader of the club
For folks like you and me?
J-A-C-K-E-Y S-H-ASTERISK-T

Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there
It’s time to get healthy!
J-A-C-K-E-Y S-H-ASTERISK-T

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About Me

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jack,
Who never quit eating ‘cept to stop and have a snack.
Then one day he was standing on his scale,
And he realized he’d really let his body go to hell.
(Obesity that is, back fat, Texas toast)
Well the first thing you know old Jack he made a vow,
He’d ratchet up the exercise and slow down on the chow.
He wanted to get his weight back to where it oughta be,
So he loaded up his stuff and he moved to Bloggery.
(Google Blogger that is, writing posts, makin’ jokes)
Well now it's time to say hello to Jack and all his sh*t
As he chronicles his adventures on his journey to get fit.
You're all invited back each day to this locality,
To have a heaping helping of health and hilarity.
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit, that is.)
Y'all come back now, ya hear?