Thursday, September 07, 2006

I'm bringing Whitney back

You other crack ho's won't know how to act!

Crunk & Disorderly reports what I've been telling you people all along...my daughter Whitney is gonna make a comeback now that Bobby Brown has been distracted with some fake boobies out in L.A. Of course, that old raisin Clive Davis is taking credit for it again!

J Records founder Clive Davis, the man responsible for signing a teenaged Whitney Houston to his former label Arista Records in 1983, tells MTV that he and the troubled singer are currently working on songs for a new comeback album.

Davis says they've already chosen six tunes that she'll record, yet warns against fans having unrealistic expectations about the album's music production and lyrics, the latter of which will likely avoid mention of her recent challenges.

"Whitney doesn't write," Davis told MTV. "It's a gift -- you either got it or you don't. I've seen more artists lose a career over trying to do that. Ella Fitzgerald didn't write. Lena Horne didn't write. Whitney is Whitney, and there ain't nobody like her. It'll be Whitney. It won't be somebody reaching for a current trend, that's for sure."

Ever notice how Clive Davis's girls end up a drugged-out mess? Janis Joplin, anyone? You can tell from his surgery that Barry Manilow is on drugs, and Bruce Springsteen? Well, thank god he got off the smack and divorced that girl who took over for Chrissy on "Three's Company" before it was too late!

6 comments:

I think he's referring to Julianne Phillips. An easy slip since she's an 80s Jenilee doppelganger. Julianne is prettier, but she hasn't done those creepy infomercials where you can tell she has gone way downhill with her anorexia and big, fake teeth.

Why do I always get them mixed up? They do look an awful lot alike. Julianne was on that Sela Ward mess "Sisters", Jenilee was on Dallas. Her acting on there was so bad, I cheered when she was blown up by Angelica Nero with a car bomb meant for her brother Jack. She was later killed off again in a non-dream season via an avalanche. I cheered that time.

Christopher, I weep for your daughter and the mess she's made of her life but I'm not sure there's room in the current musical climate for a Whit-less return, especially when Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas is at the top of the charts (ugh...how'd THAT happen??!!). Anyway, that said, I'd still probably buy whatever Clive Davis produces for her since that old geezer can make just about anyone sound good!