diamond geezer

Monday, July 24, 2006

This blog is... diamond geezer

What is it with the increasing number of automated audio announcements on board trains? On behalf of Blogger Southeast welcome aboard the 0700 blogpost from diamond geezer. I'm sure there didn't used to be quite so many of them. This post calls at Paragraph One, Paragraph Two and Paragraph Three, and will be arriving at Paragraph Four in approximately three minutes. Nowadays an annoying inanimate voice interrupts our travels at every available opportunity to tell us the bleeding obvious. Safety instructions are set out in the sidebar. Please familiarise yourself with these every time you travel. We used to be able to travel by train in peace without these constant interruptions. The next paragraph is Paragraph Two. Change here for alternative blogs. But no longer. Please remember to take all your belongings with you when leaving this blogpost.

Welcome to readers joining this blogpost at Paragraph Two. And is this never-ending succession of announcements really necessary? This is Monday's blogpost from... diamond geezer... Most of this information is already scrolling across a display panel attached to the roof of the carriage. ...calling at Paragraph Three and Paragraph Four. But accessibility legislation means that visually impaired passengers must also be offered an aural alternative. Please give up your seat if required by an elderly, disabled or pregnant person. The other 99% of us can only sit patiently and endure the noise, or take drastic action to block it out. Please open your eyes, unplug your headphones and listen to this very important information, damn you. And what's the point of introducing 'quiet' mobile-free carriages on trains if our ears are still going to be assaulted by these constant interruptions anyway? The next paragraph is Paragraph Three. Whatever happened to silence? If you are leaving this blogpost at the next paragraph, please remember to take all your belongings with you.

Welcome to readers joining this blogpost at Paragraph Three. And then they run through all the announcements again for the benefit of the handful of additional passengers who've just got on at the last station. Safety instructions are set out in the sidebar. Imagine the legal consequences if the train had an accident and these few passengers had not previously been given due warning of basic safety advice. Please familiarise yourself with these every time you travel. Better to annoy all your passengers than to risk a single one of them suing you. Please remember to keep your baggage with you at all times. But endless repetition of patronising advice breeds complacency. Please remember to keep your baggage with you at all times. The impact of these supposedly important security announcements is being diminished as they become so utterly commonplace. The next paragraph is Paragraph Four. The more they tell us, the less we hear. If you are leaving this blogpost here, please remember to take all your belongings with you.

Welcome to readers joining this blogpost at Paragraph Four. Sigh, here we go yet again, over and over and over. This is still Monday's blogpost at diamond geezer, as you'd already know if you'd boarded earlier. I suppose these announcements can be useful for people who've never travelled the line before, and for those unable to see out of the window. We're approaching the next station, the one you want to get off at, so you'd better start getting your things together. But surely just a brief rundown of destination, next stop and intermediate stops should be sufficient, with the driver chipping in if any additional updates are required. We apologise for the late running of this train, which is completely Network Rail's fault and nothing to do with us. In the meantime, regular commuters and those with an IQ above 80 are being patronised, over and over, by an increasing stream of unneccessary announcements. You're on a train dear, yes, you're on a train. Still, at least they haven't started bombarding us with adverts inbetween the travel information, yet. Why not buy an over-priced coffee from the nice lady wheeling her trolley down the aisle? It can only be a matter of time. This blogpost terminates here. Please remember to leave a comment when leaving this blogpost. Sigh. All change, all change please.