Sunday, January 16, 2011

Children of the Corn (2009)

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic!

Children of the Corn (2009) - 1 out of 5

Congratulations are in order for the Children of the Corn franchise because, unlike every other horror film series, this one didn't create a single entertaining movie...and they made freakin' 8 of them.

You know you're watching a mediocre Stephen King horror story when it ultimately comes full circle and the original big screen film is remade in an even MORE mediocre film for the smaller screen. Your usual CotC stuff is here (like bad acting and boring story) but this film goes one step further by getting some truly atrocious editing in there as well. The story (which is meant to more closely resemble the short story) features David Anders and Kandyse McClure taking over the roles of Burt and Vicki Stanton from Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton (respectively) who had the roles in the first film. Like Horton and Hamilton, neither Anders or McClure can portray their characters very well but McClure deserves an award for playing the most ANNOYING FUCKING character ever. At the drop of a hat, this woman would flip out and start screaming "rape" and ""abuse" at her husband--and don't get me started on her seemingly mild reactions towards the situations when the shit REALLY hit the fan. Yep, the story about a group of children worshiping He Who Walks Behind the Rows is, in my opinion, the worse thing to ever hit the genre of horror (even worse than that hack writer Kevin Williamson). There isn't enough mind-altering substances in the world that can make these movies entertaining to watch.

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About Me

I'm a geek, an atheist (who is also an ordained reverend), a peanut butter and jelly enthusiast, a man who shares the same name with a popular character from "Parks & Rec" and feels he can't live up to the awesomeness of the fictional character, was proudly banned from Reddit, an occasional Shakespearean performer, and a stand up comic.
Have any questions, recommendations or wanna share any theories on various movies? Email me at RevRonMovies@gmail.com and I'll talk about them on my new Q&A segment!