Monday, June 29

This week's Cage Match pits two very strong women against one another: the ripped matriarch of the "Terminator" series, Sarah Connor, versus the bespectacled matriarch of Alaska's first family, Sarah Palin. I would avoid, however, characterizing this as a catfight. A pejorative definition like that one no longer applies when there's this much ammunition involved.

Sarah Connor

Sarah Palin

First job

Waitress

Wasilla, Alaska, city councilwoman

WINNER: Palin

Defining moment

Conceives John Connor whilst being chased by the Cyberdyne Systems model T-101

Chosen as John McCain's running mate

WINNER: Connor

How'd that work out?

Pretty well -- successfully destroyed both the T-101 and its successor, the shape-shifting T-1000

Not so great

WINNER: Connor

Hot?

Sorta

Yes

WINNER: Palin

Stance on gun owners' rights

Very pro-

Very pro-

WINNER: Tie

Child(ren)'s achievement(s)

Leading the resistance against Skynet

Impregnated by Levi Johnston

WINNER: Connor

Quote

"Fucking men like you built the hydrogen bomb. Men like you thought it up. You think you're so creative. . . . All you know how to create is death and destruction."

"As Putin rears his ugly head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska."

"[Your raw sexual magnetism is so overpowering that I don't know what I might do around you, so for my own safety it's probably best if you s]tay at least 200 feet away from me at all times."
— Erin Andrews, ESPN