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Topic: Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't (Read 362719 times)

As this was said by someone for whom English is not the native language, (probably meaning either "you need to be on the ball," or "you need to be on your toes") it was kind of like a 'Balki-ism'(malaprop or mis-use of an idiom) from Perfect Strangers. (But Some of those can sound plenty dirty. )

This is something that has to be described, really, since it wasn't words but actions.

The Dean of the university I work for is from a different country. English is not his first language, and sometimes he struggles to translate sayings from his country of origin to things we'd understand.

One day in a meeting, he was having such a moment. I was taking the minutes for the meeting. He said "We don't want to..you know..it's like that saying..when you.." and starts jerking his fist up and down in a motion that looked very much like..well...you know. Then he starts shoving his right index finger into his left fist and saying "it's like when you're trying to..oh...how do you say...uh...uh.."

All of us are sitting there wide-eyed, trying not to laugh, and I'm sitting with my pen poised over my notebook, thinking "I don't think this needs to go into the minutes.." when he said "AHA! We don't want to overstuff the goose!"

apparently the jerking/finger shoving motions were meant to mimic trying to force a goose to swallow something.

I read this on another board, and thought of you all, so had to share!

This happened almost 20 years ago, but I remember it as if it were yesterday! We were seated in the balcony for the Hoop-Dee-Do-Revue so we had to swivel around in our seats to watch the show. That meant our backs were to the table so we didn't notice the servers sneaking in with the first course. At a certain point in the song, all the servers slammed their metal buckets full of fried chicken down onto the metal dinner plates. It was like a canon going off and everyone jumped and laughed.

So, the song ended and we all served ourselves from the bucket of chicken. Our server (who missed his calling as a stand up comedian) came back with the next course, also in a metal bucket. He lifted it up as if to slam it down on the plates and then did a double take when he saw the food already there. He looked at the chicken breast on my friend's plate, then looked at her, then back at the plate. Then with a perfectly straight face he said, "Pardon me, ma'am but could you lift up your breast?" Well, we just lost it! We probably missed half the show because we just could not stop laughing. :rotfl2: And everytime the server came back, he'd give us a smirky little smile or crack a joke and we'd be off again. It reached the point where we wouldn't even look the server in the eye because just the sight of him sent us into hysterics.

The Hoop-Dee-Do-Revue was okay but it was really the server who made our night. Needless to say, he got a big tip!

Bahahaha! This will not probably become an "inside joke" in my household. He's just "stuffing the goose", no worries!

It's become an inside joke at work, too..."He seems tense..maybe he needs to go stuff the goose.."

Another bad moment was when all of us administrative assistants (all female) were in the small conference room next to the Dean's office, talking about an event that was coming up. We wanted to elect a specific person to do a task for the event, but needed the Dean's approval.

So he happens to wander by when his executive assistant said "Oh, we need to ask you for something..." to which he replied "Ah! Are you going to get down on your knees in front of me?" (meaning, of course, "get down on your knees and beg" as a joke..but it came out so totally wrong!).

Cue all of us going white faced, then red faced, and then one of the assistants blurting out "WHAT?" when he realized what it had sounded like. He turned 10 shades of red, poor guy..

Bahahaha! This will not probably become an "inside joke" in my household. He's just "stuffing the goose", no worries!

It's become an inside joke at work, too..."He seems tense..maybe he needs to go stuff the goose.."

Another bad moment was when all of us administrative assistants (all female) were in the small conference room next to the Dean's office, talking about an event that was coming up. We wanted to elect a specific person to do a task for the event, but needed the Dean's approval.

So he happens to wander by when his executive assistant said "Oh, we need to ask you for something..." to which he replied "Ah! Are you going to get down on your knees in front of me?" (meaning, of course, "get down on your knees and beg" as a joke..but it came out so totally wrong!).

Cue all of us going white faced, then red faced, and then one of the assistants blurting out "WHAT?" when he realized what it had sounded like. He turned 10 shades of red, poor guy..

17 year old DragonDaughter is away at a school trip, competing in a provincial competition.

I have some holidays to use up so I came to cheer her on.I'm not part of the school group, I'm just at the same hotel and I'll take in events on my own time.

Most of the costs were covered by fees, but DD still has to pay for a couple of meals.In the rush to get organized I didn't get her the money before we left.

So after I checked in, I texted her my room number to pick up the money.

I also told her "For the record, this probably the only time your mother will tell you 'Need some money? Just stop by a hotel room'..."

I like your sense of humor!

That reminds me of when my mom shouted from the side of the indoor soccer field (so a small area that had an echoing potential), "I told you to always keep your legs closed!" I was a goalie and had just stopped a ball that required my legs to be closed to effectively keep it from going past me.

The self-checkouts at a nearby store have scales to weigh produce and dry goods. You select what you're buying, and it tells you when to weigh it. If you're astute, you can see where this is going, but for those who have no experience buying bulk dry goods, I was getting a large bag of walnuts in the shell. When the machine displayed, "Please put nuts on the scale" I couldn't avoid snickering.

My sports example is, "I can't believe he changed the whole play just by calling out while he was under the center."