Monday, April 9, 2012

Eastern Conference Match-up: Boston Bruins vs. Washington Capitals

Boston Bruins

The Rundown: The Bruins have no idea where their car cup went, all they know is that they need it back! Dude, their girlfriends super awesome gifts are in there, and if they don't get those they won't get those super special treats! The only problem is they keep getting bothered by some weird Swedish guys and these random space nerds. Plus that damn Chinese food lady won't let them finish their order. Dude, they just want some damn egg rolls! Shibby!

Strengths: They have some help from those weird universe saving people. Plus, they have all that cash for some random reason. I'm sure it's not from some transgender stripper, so spend it!

Weaknesses: Pot, jerks who are pissed about them touching their girlfriends hoo-hoo's, and that guy from the llama ostrich farm who bought their car.

Actual Analysis: The Boston Bruins are the defending Stanley Cup champs, they know what it takes to win it all. The majority of last years team is back, and they have to be considered a favorite in the east. They're a hard hitting team, that doesn't take shit from anyone. They'll make your pay physically, and they can really put the puck in the net. They can make a playoff series hell for a team very quickly. The only question mark remains in goal. Can Tim Thomas return to form? If he doesn't the Bruins could be in trouble. It doesn't look like Tuukka Rask will be back, so the responsibility will fall on Thomas. Everyone knows he can win a series all by himself, if he's on his game there's really no one who can beat him.

"I've been in this cage for 3 years and 5 months and 17 days but who's countin' HAHAHA. E-mail me OK "Freakincage.com"

"Dude, you just touched Christie Boner's hoo-hoo."
"Shibby!"

"How wasted were we last night?"
"Well, I touched Christy Boner's hoo-hoo, were on the hook for two
hundred thousand dollars to a transsexual stripper, and my car's gone.
I'd say we were pretty wasted."

"And then?"
"No "and then"!"
"And then!"

"Dude! You got a tattoo!"
"So do you, dude! Dude, what does my tattoo say?"
"Sweet!" What about mine?
"Dude!" What does mine say?

Washington Capitals

The Rundown: The Washington Capitals used to be the top dog, they were the bad ass cops out there, now they're just the other guys. They don't even get a real gun, they just have this shitty rape whistle. Sure they're not the brightest bulbs, but they're determined. Even if they've been demoted to traffic cops, dammit they'll be the best traffic cops this city has ever seen.

Strengths: They wanna prove everyone wrong. They wanna be the guys people can count on, they wanna be number one.

Weaknesses: They're not working with actual weapons, they only have a wooden gun and a rape whistle. Plus, they have to fight crime in a Prius, embarrassing.

Actual Analysis: The Washington Capitals have had a rather disappointing season. Much like the San Jose Sharks in the west, these guys barely squeaked into the playoffs this season. They're also using a third string goalie, and it looks like he's the guy in the playoffs as well. The Capitals are probably the team with the most "what ifs". Will Ovi return to form? Will Holtby hold down the fort? Will Mike Green step-up his game? How will Backstrom play after all that time missed? If the Capitals can regain their previous swagger, they have a chance, but playing the Bruins will not be an easy task.

"Troy, I'm pregnant."
"Whose baby is that? Who's the man who did that to you?"

"What is this?"
"Its my car, Its a Vespa."
"I feel like you're literally driving around in a vagina."

Match-up: This series could go one of two ways, it could be over quickly or there could be a major upset. It really is going to come down to goaltending. If Thomas doesn't return to Vezina/Stanley Cup champ form it leaves the door open for the Capitals. Also, depending on how good Holtby is, the Caps could have a chance here. The Bruins have been a powerhouse all year, but they come into the playoffs in a bit of a slump, and the Caps have been hot. I think this match-up will be more interesting than people may think. It's going to be fun watching Ovechkin vs. Chara every night as well.

Prediction: I think the Bruins step up here. Thomas is super competitive, and I think he may steal a few games. I see this series maybe being pushed to six games, but the Bruins just know what it takes to win.

There's no doubt the Bruin's second half was the epitome of "meh", but having watched every game this year, they definitely have turned it around the final 10, 12 games.

It is tough to compare their performance early in the season. In November they only lost one game, and that was a shootout loss. If they had kept their pace from that month they would have won 70 games this year.

I think the Caps are going to be dangerous, but if the B's start scoring on their young goalies, they might run away with it.

I have no doubt they could destroy the Caps if they wanted, my big question will be in net for both teams. Holtby looked damn good those last few games, but he's still a kid. Thomas can be unbelievable, but he's looked pretty human during parts of the season. Also no Tuukka Rask is really terrifying honestly. Once Tuukka got hurt the Bruins haven't played the same. They did play better after their road trip out west, but the only really impressive team they beat was the Rangers, and that game was close. All the other wins weren't against teams that were that good.