A blog to discuss my experience of being in reunion with my birthfamily for the last twenty-five years. It's about identity and the integration of my life with my birthmother's and the unique blended family that forms as a result.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Eh, I tried to write about it last night and didn't get very far.
What it made me think about was really more my stuff and not taking good
care of things and feeling undeserving. The image that came to mind was
going to mexico on the Tortoise and I found this beautiful, delicate
shell and I explained to the local guy that I couldn't take it home,
that I would certainly break it. Just before I left, it brought it to me
as a gift, very carefully wrapped and contained. And I was moved, and
grateful. Then brought it home and it just stayed like that - wrapped up
and tucked away because it was too delicate. I thought that would be
nice to write about - but what it doesn't really have anything to do
with us/adoption/etc.

The cape is a quandry. I've looked
for it as I've been in the attic going through other things and I
haven't found it. I'm worried that it may have been gotten rid of during
the remodel. I'm hoping that it was just displaced, but I'm worried.
That said, I would be okay with you writing about it. I know it would be
a huge loss if I did actually lose it.

I think a hard thing about the blog writing is that I usually don't
know what I want to write about until I'm writing it. Even if we have a
topic ahead of time, I'll often go off on a different tagent. I agree
that having certain topics that we line up to pull from would be
helpful, I just haven't been successful with it. Also, I think something
inherent in our project, is that we're dealing with totally different
things that both have the same starting point. So, we won't be dealing
with the same things, exactly. So maybe it's just picking the starting
point?

Hope you landed in NYC safe and sound. Quinn just got the bear's tooth! Thank steve.

I
have been meaning to respond to your request about the pens. I totally
understand. I didn't realize they were the expensive kind, or I wouldn't
have exposed them to the kids. But, they've been out on the kitchen
table and it's now become a beautiful part of our routine. Quinn, Reed
and I will sit down together in the morning to draw. It helps me to draw
with them, makes me less self-conscious about drawing and we work
through things together. It's put in my in a quandary - I want to
respect your wishes, and at the same time I've made a very specific
house rule that we share all things, and that as long as something is
treated with respect, it's not off-limits (the only thing I can think of
that is off-limits, is the Guild (guitar that Kate and Steve had given
me as a Christmas gift when I was working at their music store), and
I've had to put that away until
they're able to treat it with respect). But, it made me wonder, am I too
loose with things? Obviously, things are a mess at the house, things
get broken, but on the other side of the coin, the boys are not hesitant
to try things, nothing is off-limits (they were cooking at the stove
from as soon as they could stand and follow the rules), and they get
exposed to everything.

At first I thought, I'll just take my pens and put them away in a
pencil bag and put it in my pannier to have with me to sketch on the bus
and when I'm out. Because, when I'm home, I'm doing things with the
boys and couldn't say, "you can't use these pens, but I can - you can
use your pens." If they treat them with respect, we share. But, they are
little and mistakes will be made.

My parents were very anti-materialistic. They focused on spending
their money on experiences (fancy dinners, travel) rather than "things"
and so, in a way, they taught me not to respect things. Not to
disrespect them, but just not to put great importance on them. And I
guess I've been teaching my kids the same thing.

But, then it made me realize that maybe I am too dismissive. I would
like to do a better job of teaching them to take good care of things
that are important. An extra challenge, since I don't know how to teach
them something I do not know.

I was thinking we could do our blog on something around that,
"Precious things" and have it be sprung from the request about the pens.
I think it's perfect for the blog because it makes me think about the
values my parents raised me on vs. what would have my values been had I
been raised with you. It wouldn't be negative. I think it's actually
really really sweet that you wanted me to have the pens - just for me -
and that they would be precious. But I'm not used to - or good at -
having precious things.