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Do you mind if I join you here? I don't feel brave enough for the pregnancy boards proper yet! I'm amazed and shocked to be pregnant again a year after loosing our first baby, and 5 1/2 years after starting TTC. It feels as though we have a very very very long way to go, but I'm really trying to make the most of each precious moment that I am pregnant ... in between panicked trips to the loo for yet another pant-check, and complaining that I've barely slept a wink since the miraculous BFP last Wednesday!
Annabel x

Hi Bunny Girl
i know just how you feel with the frequent pant checking! i'm only just starting to calm down now after seeing an amazing heartbeat at my scan. fingers crossed for you and sending lots of sticky vibes!!
Sarah x

Hi Bunny Girl
Congratulations on your BFP and keeping everything crossed for you.
I totally understand where you are - I can't stop panty checking and all while trying to act normal and calm. Every litle twinge gets me going .
I feel a little safer on here to.

Thanks so much Ros, Blondie, Sarah and Zimbalooba for the warm welcome!
I'm so envious of anyone who gets PG and thinks "I'm going to have a baby!" rather than being in the position where I'm relieved just to get through each day without anything seeming to go wrong!

Huge congrats to Sarah and Zimbalooba – I guess we just have to believe that it could actually work out this time!

I won't get a scan until I'm 12 or 13 weeks, which feels like light years away right now. Have you told anyone yet? We've only told our sisters, but I might tell my Mum tonight. I know she'll be thrilled and I'd like her to share my excitement for as long as she can. Might chicken out though.

I know its a bit late in the day to be posting here but just wanted to agree with you Bunny Girl, it would be lovely to have no concept of the fact that things do go wrong rather than constantly fretting.

Hi bunny girl
i've told close friends and family but as i'm on steroids and look the size of a small bungalow people are starting to notice! Dont think i'm going to be able to keep it up till 12 weeks, in maternity jeans already!!!!
Sx

I went through my 1st pregnancy in blissful ignorance (ok, I still checked underwear for 1st 12 weeks, but really was pretty relaxed) so when I had bleeding throughout 1st tri of 2nd pregnancy it hit me hard and then had 3 early m/c's before becoming pregnant this time so it took an awful long time before I could accept that I was actually pregnant ....the wait until the 1st scan is just agonising isn't it.....just want to wish all of you very happy, uneventful pregnancies as I know how anxious a time this is.x

Yay! We appear to have made it to 6 weeks! According to info on the internet our baby is the size of a baked bean with a hear the size of a sesame seed beating 150 times a minute. So exciting and yet it seems so teeny and fragile. I've had some really bad cramps on and off, but started feeling very very very queasy in the past week, so I guess that's a good sign. Two weeks until the midwife contacts me for the first appointment – come on little baby, we can do it xxx
How are you all doing?

Congrats on 6 weeks bunnygirl - as Ros says the queasyness is a really good sign although i'd be quite happy for mine to go now! Had another scan yesterday and couldn't believe how much baby had grown! I can start coming off the steroids in another week so pleased about that although my consultant said that the side efffects (moon face, weight gain, more hair - eek) may not go away until after the baby is born. Its a small price to pay though after everything we've been through. I'm starting to believe its actually happening now!!
Best of luck everyone for happy healthy pregnancies
Sarah xx

I know what you mean about not having a scan till 12 weeks.
Last time I had my scan booked and everything looked good then I miscarried about 11.3 weeks - I was devastated. So this time we've decided not to tell a soul until we are 12 weeks and have had our scan to be sure everything is well.

I have been feeling terrible lately just feeling uncomfortable in my skin so saw my acupuncturist on Saturday and I almost feel human again - she could feel my pregnancy pulse it was really lovely.

How's everyone doing? I'm still lurching between thinking things might just be ok this time and being certain everything has gone wrong ... and I'm usually a pretty stable person!

I saw my midwife today for booking in, and she was lovely. Made me feel a bit strange when she started talking about labour and birth plans, though. I really can't think any further ahead than my first scan. She reckons my appointment may well come through for Christmas Eve – I just hope it's good news!

Zimbalooba – hope you're feeling ok now? It's really hard, feeling like poo and not being able to tell anyone! We've told a few people – my Mum, his sister, my sisters, one work friend, his best friend and my yoga teacher (as I had to stop going when I found out). These are all people who we'd have to tell anyway if we loose the baby, and it does feel good to be able to chat to someone other than my poor long suffering OH.

I'm still feeling a bit queasy, not got my usual appetite and boobs are very sore ... utter panic stations every time I feel hungry or normal or I poke a boob and it doesn't hurt!

Massive congrats on the good scan Sarah! Did you post a pic somewhere? Must feel so good to finally be on the safer side of 12 weeks!

Hi everyone!
well i can't believe it but into second trimester, think i'm in shock! Had the nuchal scan today which came back good after a heart stopping wait with a lot of very odd people in the waiting room (all the women looked about 16 and heavily pg) None of them had partners but random friends, mums etc. My DH was the only man there, thats Plymouth for you - wierd!

Blondie - good luck for this month, i don't think anyone knows more about immunology than you! I'm very happy to be starting to come off the steroids, i'm down to 10mg tomorrow although have been getting bad headaches, do you know if this is a side effect?

Zimba - good news that you're feeling so bad, its a really good sign, you're close to 12 weeks now, everything is crossed for you xx

And Bunnygirl - nearly 8 weeks, thats fantastic! Not sure how i post a scan pic, i'm a bit crap at techno stuff. Would ask my DH but he thinks these websites are 'evil' and doesn't trust them! Dont even get him started on facebook which is the devil itself!
Anyway try and be calm people, i think i'ma bit calmer now, still having acupuncture which helps i think.

Still knicker checking all the time and any twinge gets me to the loo to have a look........ . I am feeling a little better; still completely exhausted and have no energy to focus at work..........boring.
Got my booking in appt next Tuesday so figners crossed; hoping I can get a scan appointment before I leave on 19th Dec for 3 weeks holiday ....... in the sunshine..... bring it on.

Sarah - I missed in your message above mine about your scan! Fantastic news, I bet you were so relieved, its really happening for you, am so pleased for you both Not too sure about the headaches, it could be a withdrawal or even your body detoxing the drugs out of your system. Make sure you drink plenty of water and take it easy xx

Zimbalooba - where are you going on holiday you lucky thing? hope its somewhere hot me and DH off to Edinburgh next weekend for our first wedding anniversary, its going to be bloody freezing. Best get out my sexy thermals!

Hi Bunnygirl - 8 weeks, well done. Time can drag in the first stage and I can relate to not thinking ahead. You made me laugh with the boob poking I used to be like that, if it didn't hurt it would eventually from poking them so much! Keep positive.

Got everything crossed for all you ladies.

My TTC bit complicated at the moment, we hoped it would happen by now but it hasn't and may have to try IVIG prior and or get some clomid...I posted more in my diary in immunology but we will see what happens this month. I stopped taking all my vits and minerals two months ago, thought I would try without (what was I thinking) but back on them now so hoping they do the trick!

I am off to Zimbabwe on the 19th December (probably not the best place to go right now especially with an outbreak of Cholera but both mine and DH family live there) will be taking loads of antiseptic wipes and hand gel to keep the bugs away. It lovely and hot there now about 32C - so looking forward to just lying in the sun.....

I know this thread is very quiet but I think this is the best place for me for a few weeks. I think I'm in danger of dragging down the enthusiastic mood in the first tri chat I don't mean to and it is lovely to see so many 'new BFP' ladies so excited but, well, fourth time round it just doesn't feel the same as it did the first time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually worried at the moment. Understandably I am checking for even the tiniest trace of blood whenever I go to the toilet, but I'm not panicking every time I feel a twinge or what might be a gush of fluid from down there. Sorry if that is TMI, but I think those of you reading this thread have experienced your body doing enough stuff to cope with it.

I do feel optimistic and calm. For me, the ttc part has always been much harder to cope with than the pg part, even with my m/c history (and my mum's - I can't forget that as I feel it has a part to play in my own thoughts). The fact that my recurrent m/c tests came back as clear has given me reassurance. I know that there may be other issues but I have honestly always felt that our problems have been embryos that had something wrong with them. There just hasn't been a pattern with the m/cs, you see. So, logically, this one has just as much chance of making it as any other.

But I can't be as excited as the first time I saw the second line. Back then I thought about being pg a lot of the time. For 2 years I had wanted to be pg so I was excited to be finally 'allowed' to consider things like a nursery, maternity clothes, when I would tell people, giving birth, breastfeeding, even names! I hope that doesn't sound superficial. Obviously I also imagined the nurturing and love I would feel for my baby but the practical thoughts are more tangible and easier to put into words.
I can't think in the same way as I did then. My innate self-preservation kicks in now and although I know I am pg, right now I don't know that I am having a baby. The two things just aren't the same in my world.

lunchtime now so I'll end there.....expect many ramblings from me in the coming weeks xx

Jen, I remember reading that m/c can 'steal' the joy from pg, and it is something that has stuck with me. I think after a loss/losses, seeing a positive test brings many different emotions, it feels like there are still alot of hurdles, to overcome, before, the acknowledgement, that 'maybe things will be ok this time', and you can start to focus on starting to enjoy the pg.

I have a couple of friends, and we have discussed our m/c's, and how we felt in pg's we went onto have, and about being pg again, in the future, after recent losses, and we all agree that pg, after a loss/losses, well I'm not sure how to put it, but we all felt it was a 'different place' we found ourselves in. I feel, that is why a thread such as this, is such a good one, somewhere to get out all your feelings, worries and thoughts.

One of my friends, who had 3 mc's, said to me this week, that until she was sat in our 1st NCT class, she hadn't really allowed herself to acknowledge that she was actually going to have her baby.

Anyway, hope you don't mind me posting, and popping in here, to see how you are doing, and offer support, and a listening ear, whenever needed!

Hi Jen
firstly congratulations on your BFP!
everything you said struck such a chord with me, especially the first pg when i too thought about nursery etc, i even drafted a speech to say at the christening to thank everyone who had helped me through IVF (little did i know then i'd do it another 5 times!!)
I dont think i've come to terms with being pg yet, people tell me i will when i can feel it moving around and i suppose to some extent that is true. I've now had a few scans and heard the heartbeat yet i feel a bit disconnected from it all which is very hard to admit to any of my friends. Even when i talk to them about morning sickness, cravings etc its like i'm talking about somebody else. Not sure if this even makes sense but its kind of how i feel. I suppose its self-preservation kicking in.
anyway, better get on and try and finish christmas shopping
fingers crossed for your little one sticking
Sarah xx

thanks ladies, it is really nice to read your thoughts. Whilst I am sad that you know how I feel I am pleased that I don't sound like a loonie!

I understandwhat you mean about being disconnected Sarah. It is almost as if you are watching another person although that person is you. I really hope that if I have a successful scan around 12 weeks then I will feel more engaged with the pregnancy but I know I won't really be able to let go of that self-preservation until I have a baby in my arms.

I hate feeling that I am wishing my life away but I just can't wait for the next couple of weeks to go by....

im hearing everything you say and im nodding away at the screen. it took a long time for me to be excited after my 2 mc's even at my 20 week scan with H my sister was bouncing around excited and happy and i told her to stop it. i found myself saying 'we'll see' when ever anyone spoke about Hannah, i really envy anyone who is 'normal' and have babies without a care in the world. people who dont wish their lives away to get to the next scan, people who dont knicker watch/boob poke/get a doppler at the first possible oppertunity.... there really are people who dont do that! how odd is that?!
you are not a loonie, you are a wonderful person who deserves this so so much.
take your time and just know that we are here when you need to talk.

fz is that place to be when we are filled with all these emotions...

lots of love

k xxx

I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!

(thanks Jen for pointing me in this direction - and OMG congrats on your pg!!). I've only had one loss, but I was pg at exactly this time last year... So basically I'm petrified of EVERYTHING at the moment. Every twinge, every time I go to the loo, every bit of dampness, boobs aching enough, veiny enough... blah blah blah!

lovely to see you Chatterbox! The paranoia is just hideous. I keep telling myself that every day without blood is a good day. I'm a regular middle of the night weeing person and usually I don't turn the bathroom light on but now I have to, just to check there is no blood when I wipe.

I did a spot of shopping after work yesterday and whilst paying for my wrapping paper started getting sharp pains in my lower right hand side.
I instantly became terror-stricken - it was a flashback to my first pregnancy when I was paying for a birthday card and felt what I can only describe as someone pinging an elastic band in my abdomen. 2 days after that I started bleeding and miscarried. I had been doing so well up until yesterday evening but I came home feeling desperately upset. Nothing could really lift my mood and, unsurprisingly, I had a bad dream about going for a scan. The dream was essentially a memory of my first baby scan when, at 8 weeks, it measured almost a week too small. In my naivety (back then, things are different now) I still thought it could be okay but it wasn't. The image of the little alien on the screen with the flickering heartbeat has haunted me ever since.
I'm terrified of going for a scan. I haven't called the EPU yet but will do next week - I wanted to get to 6 weeks first. Last time I was there I was told I would be able to have an early scan at 8+ weeks next time I was pregnant. Can't believe I'm such a frequent visitor!! Irony being that the company I work for sponsor the unit in Edinburgh so it is home from home for me, sitting on the same chairs and seeing the same logo as I do in the office.
Part of me doesn't want one. I don't want to get to 11+ weeks again and find that there is no baby but I am scared to my very core of being in that waiting room again. And I may not even reach 8 weeks.....

take it day by day hun, and if thats too hard take it an hour at a time. it is so bloody hard , and the what ifs are just plain terrifying. get it all out in the open....you have supprted so many people on here...its time we supported you back

lots of love and strength coming your way

k xxx

I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!

Hi Jen
sorry you're feeling down, will your hospital do a scan if you phone and beg? Thats basically what i did at 5 weeks, i had some bleeding and was about to jump the Tamar Bridge but amazingly the scan picked up a 'beating blob' and it helped to put my mind at rest (for a few days anyway). I've had funny wtinges for the last day, am praying the midwife can pick up a heartbeat on Monday
Hope everything is ok, lots of love
Sarahx

sadly not, hun - the EPU policy here with m/c history is a scan at 8+ weeks. After tomorrow I'll be away from Edinburgh visiting my dad (he had a stroke a few weeks ago) so even if they did say yes the earliest I could get one would be 7 weeks. tbh, I wouldn't feel reassured at this stage anyway. Whilst statistics aren't everything and I know it isn't a guarantee I do know that if all is well at 8 weeks then I have a much better chance of it being okay in the end rather than if all is well at 6 weeks. This is the reason the EPU would rather wait to scan at 8 weeks.
With my first two pregnancies, it is very likely that all would have looked ok at 6 weeks. I know I just ahve to grin and bear the next 2 weeks or so. It isn't too bad - not much time out of my life really to cope with the fears. Next week should go quickly, even if I am away from my partner .

The twinges are probably just stretching aren't they? Hope your appt goes well on Monday xx

Jen and Chatterbox, I'm so sorry you are going through all these feelings, and worry, and though I wish no one had to go through them, I was nodding my head at so much of what you wrote, the early weeks, after mc, are very scary, and we are watching for every twinge, sign etc. (Jen, I did exactly the same as you, turning the light on, in the night, when I went to the loo, to check for blood etc).

Jen, I had lots of stretching pains, with H, very early on, I remember asking my GP about them, so sounds like this could well be the case for you.

I remember a saying that helped me, when I was pg with H, I would think 'right now, this minute, there is nothing/no reason, I should worry, that everything isn't going ok with this pg'...it helped me stay in the 'here and now', not worry too far ahead, and helped me through those first few weeks.

A bit of a fly-by-night post as I really need to get in the bath (tepid of course) and then make something to eat.

We had our first scan on Wednesday, and to my utter shock and utter joy, our little baby was alive and well! Have posted on the first tri board.

Thinking of you all and wishing you all the very very very best. I really thought I would relax if everything was ok at the scan but I'm back to worrying again already! The sheer sickening panic when something happens - a twinge, a cramp, a damp feeling down below - is just awful.

Quoted

Originally posted by compley
I remember a saying that helped me, when I was pg with H, I would think 'right now, this minute, there is nothing/no reason, I should worry, that everything isn't going ok with this pg'...it helped me stay in the 'here and now', not worry too far ahead, and helped me through those first few weeks.xxx

Well I've had a few AF type twinges this eve.. and a bit of brown discharge. very very light, I had to prod and poke to get at it... you know what paranoia makes you do! So I'm finding the here an now a bit difficult.

I had a bit of a bop at my works do and wonder if that did something? Did it cause the cramps, or did it force a bit of old blood out? But why would that happen.

I'm heading south today to spend the week with my parents. Really looking forward to seeing my dad again - was so sad saying goodbye to him in hospital last time that I can't wait to see him at home.
Only drawback is that I feel a little nervous being away from Al and my home whilst in these early stages. At least I know the EPU up here, should anything happen during the week. And my poor mum has enough to deal with right now without potentially having to look after me as well. Fingers crossed that all will still be the same next Sunday when I return and all that will have happened is that I am almost 7 weeks pg.

Still no symptoms but I know it is very early so not worried at the moment. Would like to experience something soon though, even if it is just feeling more tired!