Quick, everybody leave the engine on your Hummer running, all night, with the AC cranked! Sorry the Maldives, but we must use global warming to melt all the icebergs, because gays! Wait what? Oh, humanity is the Titanic, and gays are the iceberg that murders the Titanic. But what does that make Leonardo DiCaprio? It makes him Jesus (“King” of the “World,” amirite?) dying for Kate Winslet’s sins. And who is the drunken captain? (John Boehner.) (Oh wait, that was the Exxon Valdez.) (Did the Titanic have a drunken captain? If you have seen the movie, could you let us know?) What about that captain in Italy who refused to go back on the ship and help save all his passengers? (He is Barack Obama, probably, because he was a shiftless pussy.)

Metaphors are hard, you guys. Here, watch RightWingWatch’s video, and make some “metaphors” of your own!

And here I thought the Pizza Man's video was a capital WTF moment? He manages to look coherent and sensible compared to these paranoid freaks…

BaldarTFlagass

This video needs more chickens attacking ocean liners.

BaldarTFlagass

Yo, the Titanic was a British ship. We have nothing to worry about.

sewollef

OK, now I'm hurt. Those are my peeps you've just libelled….

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

The Homosexual Agenda is coming from belowdecks!!!

Extemporanus

Mother Nature wears a strap-on.

CommieLibunatic

/blush

skaboy.net

Apparently i need to be "navigated around" Will this new feature be available on google navigation? I would love to "bypass" a few gay guys.

valgal2342

Whoa…..did she say in the first few seconds….and I believe she did….."the radical homo agenda is dulling our sense of righteousness? WTF????? Well pardon the fuck out of homos for dulling your sense of righteousness bimbo!

OneYieldRegular

I dunno. Everyone in that video seemed pretty f-ing righteous to me.

sullivanst

But you have to admit they were all very dull.

CommieLibunatic

If anything, they're flamingly too righteous.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Righteousness Camp!

bureaucrap

Let me illustrate the decline of western civilization, using this barbie doll, this salt shaker, and this can of peaches in syrup… see, the barbie doll jumps into the can, and suddenly…OH NO, salt!!!!! That's why we have to kill the illegals.

Baconzgood

That's the clearest I've ever had it explained to me by a right wing republican.

Blueb4sunrise

I see the French influence in your work.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

It's adorable watching Wingnut's kids play!

CommieLibunatic

In counterargument, I will follow Lewis Black's example and throw a fossil just over your head.

sezme

Yes, the homosexual agenda is like a giant iceberg threatening to take down the ship of state. If only there was a way to get these homosexuals to stop putting their penises in the mouthes and anuses of Republican congressmen!

gullywompr

Now that's what I call a North Pole!

BaldarTFlagass

Fucking James Cameron has a lot to answer for.

OneYieldRegular

Ah, so that's why he's diving as deeply as he can go into Marianas Trench.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Does Mariana's husband know??

Jus_Wonderin

Seems to me he would have had to have heard an awkward echo.

http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

Waaaaay before (or maybe waaaaay far in the future after) the Titanic, it was Captain Kirk's secret agenda to turn everybody into the gay. He succeeded for a while but his singing career got in the way (h/t George Takei): https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=422365091…

Mojopo

Can't this gay iceberg just have a daytime talk show like everyone else?

I know, I was like, are you already drinking Irish coffee this morning, Rebecca? Holy WTFs…

Baconzgood

HOMOSEXUAL PEOPLE STRAIGHT AHEAD!!!!

edgydrifter

Two questions: Why would the homos want to destroy America (presumably they live here, too)? What will the homos do after America is destroyed? The hard right always implies some kind of sinister motive driving this "agenda," but I sure as hell can't figure out what it is. I must be gay-stupid or something.

banana_bread

They want to turn it into a tolerant, equal-rights loving, universal health care regime that taxes the rich and helps the poor.

Clearly, they are monsters.

Jus_Wonderin

First America, then Earth. Of course, the ultimate goal is domination of this solar system but along the way teh gay will take Uranus.

DahBoner

Redecorate?

sewollef

Is that a circumcised iceberg I see before me or not?

Maybe it's a jewish iceberg. I can't tell anymore….

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Well with a name like "Iceberg"…

BaldarTFlagass

That iceberg should see a doctor about that swollen nutsack. Could be incipient elephantiasis.

Troglodeity

Correction: ElephantICEis.

http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

If you teachers and kids are not scared of teh ghey, you have not been "adequately trained."

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

Steverino247

If you don't beat your meat, you can't have any pussy!
How can you have any pussy, if you don't beat your meat?

freakishlywrong

They doth protest too much. Remember, he who smelt it dealt it.

Troglodeity

Correction: He who melt it dealt it.

Nothingisamiss

The one who denied it supplied it also comes into play.

Antispandex

Ok, I get it. Gays = flaming, hence the icebergs melt. No, wait, the polar ice caps melt…no that can't be it because "they" are lying about that…Naw, shit, it's just to complicated for me.

CommieLibunatic

Don't think about it too hard. Just do the right thing and drag a fag for Jesus. Drag anyone who isn't exactly like you, for that matter.

JustPixelz

"There are just a couple steps before the military could be used in a persecution of those who are viewed as enemies of the new state police system"

WRONG! There are no steps. It's called the USA PATRIOT Act. See ya in Guantanamo or behind the surveyor's marks of a drone missile .

Which of the Village People will be doing that persecution? The Navy guy or the Army guy. I don't think it will be the Indian* guy.

I thought we had the Second Amendment and all those guns to prevent tyranny. If all those guns can be overpowered by the radical homosexual agenda, I surrender now. Miss Lindsey, you have such pretty eyes.
_____________________________________
* politically incorrect reference to see if I get persecuted

barto

So the Shytanic got cold cocked?

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

"10 years after 9/11, the gays are flying their penises toward the Twin Towers of Religious Freedom and Tax Exemption!!"

gout

So if homosexuality becomes socially acceptable then everybody will be doing it all the time because of course everybody wants to, right? Right?

CommieLibunatic

Yeah, I like how these anti-gay doomsayers seem to assume that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. will turn gay. Nobody will be left straight; not the heteros who want children, not the bisexuals, not even the aforementioned doomsayers.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Apparently some kind of moral rot will occur in which we all just go "aww fuck it" to any ethics, morality and personal hygiene of any kind, not limited to wriggling around in excrement or Subaru ownership.

Jus_Wonderin

Wait! Subaru? I like many of their models. I must now stop for a bit of introspection. Did I eat that banana at lunch because…I was gay???

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

"All lesbians drive Subarus" = "All blahs drink grape Kool-Aid", or whatever it is the Buckra like to pass around in their funny emails.

CthuNHu

I decided to experiment with lesbianism recently. BIG mistake. I shoulda stuck with Toyota.

How f&^%$ing hard is it to make head gaskets that don't explode? And how many years does it take before you realize you're doing it wrong?

gout

They must reckon that since that is the only thing keeping them from breaking out the diapers, small rodents, duct tape, live chickens, dwarves, leather chaps and vaseline, it must be the same for everybody.

barto

Wait, doesn't that sign say "Homo Sex is In!" ?!?

DahBoner

Funny, but every closet door I've opened never leads to Out…

Baconzgood

Is it just me or did that make NO FUCKING SENSE! Focus people. You're all over the board on this one.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Gay man overboard!!

BigSkullF*ckingDog

Ever since that last post, my agenda includes nothing except eating fried chicken. Oh, and being responsible for the downfall of civilization as we know it. I always forget that one. I should make a todo list.

owhatever

I was all aworried about Herman's killer chickens, and now you throw an iceberg at me. Mercy.

BigSkullF*ckingDog

It's gross that calista leaves her dildo floating around in the ocean like that.

sullivanst

It's even worse when she lets it run for President.

http://whateveritisimagainstit.blogspot.com trampndirtdown

Thar be the white whale, sing out men!

SayItWithWookies

The chains that really oppress these idiots are the chains of causality.

CommieLibunatic

These guys see gayness everywhere and think about the homosexuals more than I do, and I dreamed about a tentacled dominatrix last night.

bureaucrap

In all fairness, a guy I dated recently was sort of like an iceberg. But only emotionally.

WiscDad

shiftless pussies just lay there

Jus_Wonderin

However, it is easier to stop on a hill at a traffic light.

An_Outhouse

Admit it, that video is from the Onion.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Shiver me timbers!!

Fare la Volpe

…Sailor~

widestanceromance

Trump was right–it is very, very impressive.

Antispandex

BTW I don't mean to feed the conspiracies or anything, but that does not look like a goyish iceberg. Just sayin'

Rosie_Scenario

It was teh Jooz that sunk the Titanic!
Goldberg, Iceberg, what's the difference??

MLite

They'll outlaw bigotry and the military will force everyone to be gay! Makes complete sense to me.

Doktor StrangeZoom

Metaphors are hard.

And throbbing.

hagajim

Man, I watched that video and right when they started talking about taking on water I felt badly like I needed to piss all over them…running water and all. Nice "Penisberg" BTW.

James Michael Curley

Those radical Homosexuals with their marrying will learn their lesson a few decades from now when the have no one under 70 to bring them their motherf*cking ice tea.

DetectiveGrey

What I get from this video is 'ships go down on icebergs'. Pretty cut and dry, if you ask me.

http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

I also love how they talk down to their audience, speaking slowly and simply so they'll be understood. It's a rookie teacher mistake, but it must be mandatory to address wingers this way.

(BTW: what a lot of closet-cases! Especially the guy with the sign!)

http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

Is it really that hard for Christianists not to turn gay when confronted by the temptations of buttsecks and cuddly bears? Is there something about prayer that incites a same-sex lust? I have yet to see an angry atheist group raging about homosexual agendas being rammed down their throats. Maybe these people should consider spending a little less time cannibalizing Christ and a little more time commingling with cannabis. Might take their minds off the throbbing gay manness menace that otherwise fills their every waking moment.

http://estevancarlos.com american__mutt

I subscribe to the homosexual agenda's rss feed.

swordfis

I watched this while I was on hold with BCBS and boy, was that one big helping of American Pie!

I guess once you have your iceberg metaphor, you don't need any facts. It's just that persuasive.