Thursday, March 18, 2010

Metamucil Detox

I (and other TF members) recently went to Houston for work. Houston is best know for fat people and great restaurants. Wierd how that correlates. Upon my return my internal organs couldn't get right so I went on a Metamucil detox. I ate and drank nothing but Metamucil for a 24-hour period. I later learned (thanks to Wikipedia) that there are roughly 28 feet of small and large intestines in the human body. I didn't pull out a tape measure everytime but I disagree. I think it's more like 300 yards. Plus the Wiki didn't mention anything about red squirrels living in my bowels....and yet I think I shit one out. I was definitely not farting with confidence all weekend. Below is some techinical jargon from Metamucil about shitting (or not shitting) your pants. Good stuff.

According to Metamucil's Online FAQ, the product does not contain any chemicals that "cause [the] immediate evacuation" of the bowels that characterize incontinence. Rather, Metamucil usually relieves constipation with 12 to 72 hours. However, if you are suffering from constipation, a considerable amount of shrunken, dessicated feces has collected in your large intestine. As the soft, psyllium-containing waste enters the large intestine, catastalsis forces it through the passage where it eventually meets the dessicated feces. These continuous, wavelike contractions push the soft feces into the hard form, filling the intestines and forcing the hard stool toward the anus. As this new feces builds up behind the slow, hard feces, so too does the pressure against the anus. If the pressure exceeds the strength on the anal sphincter (a ring of muscles that opens and closes the anus), incontinence will result.