REVIEW: Nabisco Wheat Thins (Spicy Buffalo and Zesty Salsa)

I think it’s safe to say Nabisco Triscuits crackers are for refined palates, while Nabisco Wheat Thins crackers are for unrefined palates, and Nabisco Premium crackers are for nauseated palates.

Triscuit comes in flavors that sound like they were conceived by a food snob wearing a top hat and monocle. These flavors include Rye with Caraway Seeds; Rosemary and Olive Oil; and Dill, Sea Salt & Olive Oil. Even the name Triscuit sounds snobby.

Don’t believe me?

Say “Triscuit” with a French accent.

Do you believe me now?

On the other hand, Wheat Thins varieties, like their new Spicy Buffalo and Zesty Salsa, sound like flavors you might find on a Chili’s/Applebee’s/T.G.I. Friday’s menu.

These two new Wheat Thins flavors follow last year’s Smoky BBQ and Sweet Cinnamon. At the rate Nabisco is burning through adjectives, I’m expecting fruity, herbal, earthy, and umami Wheat Thins varieties in the next two or three years.

Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins have a slightly menacing orange hue on one side, which make them look like they shared a BOGO spray tan offer with Snooki. Since only one side is seasoned, I’d recommend eating each cracker with the flavor side down. Once you start chomping, you’ll instantly taste the familiar flavor of buffalo wing sauce. It’s not a powerful buffalo wing flavor, but it’s definitely noticeable and delicious.

In order to recreate buffalo wing sauce in dry form, these Wheat Thins are seasoned with a combination of cayenne pepper sauce, garlic powder, and tomato powder. Eating these Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins will create a very slight burn in your mouth, so have your Ranch Wheat Thins handy to cool it down.

As for Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins, they smell and taste like someone took a bag of regular Wheat Thins dumped chili powder into it and shook it. Okay, the way I just described them make them sound like they aren’t good, but they are good in the sense that, if there weren’t any Spicy Buffalo Wheat Thins around, I wouldn’t object to eating them.

The seasoned side of the Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins have a combination of dried green bell peppers and salt, so they look like leprechaun magic was cast upon them. As I said before, they taste like they were seasoned with chili powder. There’s also a slight sweetness to them, but I wouldn’t consider their flavor to be salsa-like. However, they are good and if your local store doesn’t have the Spicy Buffalo flavor, these Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins would be a good substitute.

Overall, the Spicy Buffalo and Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins are two great additions to the Wheat Thins lineup and will satisfy any unrefined palate.

I agree, the zesty salsa flavored wheat thins are actually a pretty good cracker despite the fact they are not zesty nor salsa like at all. I find that ironic as they have that luring picture of a green chili pepper on the box and there isn’t any green chili pepper in the ingredients either. Perhaps it’s an attempt at sarcastic marketting enbarked upon during a sarcastic administration in Washington DC where nothing is going as advertised while the safety net does it’s best to keep it at least endurable with attempts to exhibit some saving grace hopefully. All in all, putting the exhibitted hypocrisy aside they really are a scrumptious sweet cracker although not satisfying if you expected to experience what the box claims.