10 Things You Should Definitely Know to Become a Full Blown Motherclucking Urban Chicken Farmer

13th September 2017

Have you always dreamed of keeping chickens, but worry about the spacial limits of city garden? Fear no more! Here’s a thoroughly researched 10-step guide to everything you need to ace being the hippest urban chicken farmer on the block. Because we all bloomin’ love eggs and fresh homegrown eggs are the best…am I right?

1. Well, the basics, because TBH if you don’t know them, you definitely shouldn’t get chickens.

Like, making sure you are definitely positively buying a chicken. Not a goose. Cuh.

2. There are many weird and wonderful breeds, some of which are more suited to a first-time urban chicken owner than others.

But not this one. This one is terrifying. Do your research: hybrid breeds are good for first timers as they usually lay better, are friendly and not too flighty. Because, you know, no one likes a flighty bird.

Chickens need a dry, draft-free (but well ventilated) shelter. It’s going to be the most expensive thing you buy during your urban chicken farming adventure, but there’s expensive like a bespoke Farrow & Ball-painted Chalet and there’s expensive like “I’m going to drop £70,000 on a Heritage Hen Mini Farm inspired by the Palace of Versailles”. That bit is up to you.

4. It is essential to make sure your urban chicken coop is predator proof.

This is not good. Foxes inside chicken coops is not good. We don’t think this is going to end well for those chickens.

5. Introducing your chickens gradually to friends, family and loved ones is an important step in your process.

Look at that hug. Isn’t it lovely. Chicken-children bonding is an important and beautiful thing.

6. Which should be monitored closely…

No no. We don’t condone this. Your chickens should not be used as a basketball under any circumstances.

7. Giving your birds as much space as possible to move around is the key to healthy and happy chickens.

Look how happy that chicken is. Running around in his special chicken shoes. Positively free-range.

8. Like all of us, urban chickens need a balanced diet.

A few things to remember. Pellets are the best thing to feed your birds – they contain all the right mixture of nutrients, vitamins and minerals. As tempting as it is, you shouldn’t *really* feed them household scraps and if you do – and here’s the kicker – CHICKENS DON’T EAT AVOCADO. As in they can’t. As in poisonous. Please don’t feed them your leftover avocado toast. Also, as an FYI, fat hens don’t lay eggs…apparently.

9. Make sure you provide enough feeders and water drinkers for all your chickens.

Chickens have a natural pecking order so if you don’t have enough for everyone, the younger, weaker birds are definitely going to lose out. Or your cat. Your cat might get bullied too. Poor puss.

10. Remember guys, a chicken is for life, not just for Christmas.

Have any tips we’ve missed or first-time-chicken keeping-escapades you’d like to share? Share the knowledge or unload in the comments below.