Piña Coladas and Bachelor in Paradise

You know you live in an awesome neighborhood when you get a text from your mad baking skills neighbor asking if anyone wants a Piña Colada cupcake, because she has a few left over from her sister’s birthday party. Plus, she delivers. I actually didn’t jump fast enough and thought they were spoken for, but while my daughter and I were on a bike ride we passed said neighbor Liz, out delivering the cupcakes. She asked if we wanted some because she had a couple more left. Thank God for bike baskets!

This is also the same neighborhood where we meet regularly to watch whatever incarnation of The Bachelor is on at the moment. Right now it’s the train wreck that is Bachelor in Paradise. Here’s a quick run-down:

The Bachelorette just ended with JoJo Fletcher choosing former football player Jordan Rodgers {duh, even my mom knew that was happening.} They are currently engaged and relishing in every minute of fame that comes their way. However, JoJo left behind a trail of broken hearts including meat loving “Bad Chad,” and Chad’s best friend Canadian Daniel {known in my neighborhood as ‘Slytherin.’} No one’s quite sure what Daniel does aside from working out and calling himself an “eagle that doesn’t fly with pigeons.” Or as my mom says, “I think he meant to say ego.”

Rounding out JoJo’s castoffs are erectile dysfunction specialist Evan, and firefighter Grant {known in the hood as ‘Squidward.’} We can get a little snarky up in the ‘burbs. Then you have other players from past seasons, including Ben’s, Farmer Chris’, Sean’s and Kaitlyn’s. All they do is hang out at the beach, drink, make out with each other, and cry making this show a reality T.V. junkie’s dream.

By far, the most prolific crier on this show is Ashley I. {affectionately known as ‘Ashley I-lashes’ around these parts} who can cry at the drop of a hat, which causes her nose to snot worse than a 2 year-old with a head cold in the middle of winter. Hopefully she’ll finally find love in paradise this time around or God help us all she returns next season.

Oh, how could I forget; back to Bad Chad. Well, last week he got so drunk he passed out and shat himself. For real, I had flashbacks of watching Trainspotting. Anyway, the producers finally realized that there aren’t high enough ratings that are worth dealing with this bullsh*t {no pun intended} so they’re trying to kick him off and he refuses to leave, saying he’ll never be the next Bachelor. I’m pretty sure if you wanted to be the next Bachelor you shouldn’t have made half the women in America hate you, and you can’t yell “Fu*k you Chris Harrison” to the show’s host 50 times while refusing to leave. Next Bachelor, I don’t think so. Celebrity Rehab candidate, fo sho.

That being said, I believe Chad is in a shi*load {sorry, I can’t stop} of pain. And while it’s hard to offer up any sympathy for a guy like that, I may have an ounce to spare. Is an ounce too much? What does that equal in the metric system? Daniel would know…

If you want to get in on the Bachelor in Paradise train and host your own neighborhood get together, offer guests a delicious tropical drink such as a Piña Colada, and whip up some of those amazing Piña Colada cupcakes like my neighbor Liz, who got the recipe from Cooking Classy. Thank you Liz, the cupcakes were amazing!

Oh, hi there

I'm Angela. I currently live in Denver with my daughter and our cat, Violet Beauregarde. I'm a freelance writer and public relations specialist who grew up in the 70's and 80's. One of my favorite things about being a mom is sharing my childhood favorites with my daughter. We're creating nostalgic moments in the everyday. Welcome to Popsiculture!
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