Activism

Ah, the proud crown of the drunkards of Ephraim, and the fading flower of its glorious beauty, which is on the head of the rich valley of those overcome with wine!Behold, the Lord has one who is mighty and strong; like a storm of hail, a destroying tempest,like a storm of mighty, overflowing waters, he casts down to the earth with his hand.The proud crown of the drunkards of Ephraim will be trodden underfoot;and the fading flower of its glorious beauty, which is on the head of the rich valley,will be like a first-ripe fig before the summer: when someone sees it, he swallows it as soon as it is in his hand.

In that day the LORD of hosts will be a crown of glory, and a diadem of beauty, to the remnant of his people,and a spirit of justice to him who sits in judgment, and strength to those who turn back the battle at the gate.

These also reel with wine and stagger with strong drink;the priest and the prophet reel with strong drink, they are swallowed by wine, they stagger with strong drink, they err in vision, they stumble in giving judgment.For all tables are full of filthy vomit, with no space left.

“To whom will he teach knowledge, and to whom will he explain the message?Those who are weaned from the milk, those taken from the breast?For it is precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, there a little.”

For by people of strange lips and with a foreign tonguethe LORD will speak to this people, to whom he has said,“This is rest; give rest to the weary;and this is repose” — yet they would not listen.

A. Such as in my ability to help people. To make a difference in their lives. I mean, a positive difference — not a negative one. Sometimes I just feel like my influence, try as I may to be helpful, winds up being hurtful. I stick my foot in my mouth at some juncture along the way, and I wind up feeling — I don’t know. Like a failure, I guess.

Q. Are you a failure? I mean, objectively speaking?

A. I suppose that depends on what it means to succeed.

Q. What does it mean to succeed?

A. Very good questions, these. I think that success must mean different things for different people. And our notions of success must be somehow wrapped up in our ideas as to life-purpose. We have this American idea of success here — seems to be dwindling a bit — but it’s the notion that success is related to some kind of worldly advance in monetary gain, accumulation of property, or perhaps a surge in prestige, clout, power, or influence over others. I don’t know. A bunch of things that I never really think about.

Q. Then why are you thinking about them?

A. I lied. Who am I trying to fool? I think ahout them all the time. But usually, it’s with aghast exasperation.

Q. Aghast exasperation?

A. Yeah. I drop my jaw, and stand aghast at what they all seem to expect of me. I become exasperated — not because I don’t have those things (money, property, clout, etc.) — but because people seem to think I’m supposed to have those things in order to be “happy.” Drives me up the wall! How would you like it if a bunch of people were always telling you how “unhappy” you are, just because you don’t have all the things they have, even though you don’t want them anyway? (Not to mention, you’re probably happier than they are.)

Q. Why do you care what they think?

A. I don’t know. Seems I get asked that a lot these days.

Q. Do they care what you think?

A. Evidently not.

Q. Then why should you care what they think?

A. Again, I don’t know. Golden Rule, maybe? I mean, what is this modern-day hogwash about how we should all be completely indifferent to what other people are thinking? I get so tired of everybody telling me I care too much about what other people think. What am I supposed to do? Stop caring? That seems — unloving. Did Jesus stop caring when He went to the Cross?

Q. But isn’t there a difference between caring about them, and caring about what they think of you?

A. No! They ARE what they’re thinking!! Whether they think it about me, or anybody else, or the fencepost!!

Q. But do you KNOW what they are thinking?

A. Yes! It’s obvious what they’re thinking! They even tell me what they’re thinking! They do that all the time. How can I not know what they’re thinking? They’re always telling me that I’m this worthless, no good, lazy impoverished bum who made “poor choices” throughout this poor life, otherwise with his talents and abilities he’d be living in the frickin’ Taj Mahal, or in some big mansion like that one place where I lived a long time ago. As if I care to live in a mansion. I’m just grateful I’m not flying a sign and sleeping under an overpass with a boatload of tweakers.

Q. You once lived in a mansion?

A. Yes.

Q. What was it like living in a mansion?

A. Freaky is all get-out. My landlord had more money than he knew what to do with. He gave me this huge upstairs flat with a private bathroom and a marble floor on the shower. The guy had two Steinway grand pianos, recording equipment . . .

Q. Why was that freaky? Why not beautiful?

A. I don’t know. I just didn’t belong there somehow. The guy had a Jaguar, a Cadillac – expensive Belgian furniture you weren’t even supposed to sit on — I just felt like it was out of my league.

Q. And what, pray tell, is your league?

A. Wrong side of the tracks, man. Poor but thrifty parents. Neither of them left a will. Neither of them had anything to leave. I’ve gravitated toward poor people all my life. I feel a kinship with people who are impoverished, and I feel out of place among people of greater means and privilege.

Q. But why is that side of the tracks the wrong side? Why not just — another side?

A. Because of the very thing I said at the top of this whole page.

Q. Refresh my memory?

A. I said, I wish I could be more effective. And it just seems like, in this society, if you don’t have at least some means, at least some privilege, you’re not effective at all.

Q. But can’t you be effective in other ways? Like say helping a friend of yours with a personal issue? It doesn’t cost money to do that, does it?

A. But that’s my whole frustration! I don’t help people right. I say the wrong things. I get the feeling they should be talking to a professional, and yet — every time somebody’s told me that they couldn’t help me, and I needed a professional, I took it as personal rejection.

Q. Do you feel like a hypocrite?

A. Yes. If I feel rejected because a friend is telling me that my issues are “too much of them” and that I need “professional help,” then what right do I have to suggest that some friend of mine needs professional help, rather than to talk to me?

Q. But if they talk to you, won’t you just stick your foot in your mouth again?

A. Yes. And that very well could be the reason all those other people told me that I should see a professional. They meant well, but they didn’t have the facile or expertise to help me.

Q. Would you consider seeing a professional?

A. I already do. And I got a stack of bills higher than the ceiling.

Q. Andy – what is the bottom line?

A. You keep asking me that.

Q. Andy – what is the bottom line?

A. See what I mean?

Q. Andy – what is the bottom line?

Andy takes a breath.

A. The bottom line is that, for a variety of reasons ranging from my being a social imbecile, a dork, a clutz, an unemployable space case, disabled, scraping my nuts off trying to keep up with the rising cost of living, not being able to get around, not having a car, and just generally being a weirdo, I just don’t consider myself to be very effective. And I would like to be more effective.

A. So with all that working against you, how can you be effective?

Q. By doing one great thing before I die. By doing one great thing that will reach people — and that will make a positive difference in their lives.

A. Wow — do you have any idea what that thing might be?

Q. I know exactly what that thing might be! And by the way, so do you. Daylight’s burning. Time’s wasting. Money doesn’t grow on trees. LET’S GET THIS SHOWON THE ROAD.

Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”

“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”

“Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

Like this:

This one will probably make more sense if you read this one and this one beforehand. It’s the conclusion of a three-part series, consisting of stuff I posted on my Facebook timeline in 2014, during my attempt at homelessness in a small suburban upper-crust community. After this one, I suppose I’ll have to “move on.” ;)

You know, I just thought of something. Did that cop have a “right” to run my record? I wasn’t doing anything illegal – I was just sleeping. I wasn’t on private property – I saw no signs. He approached and said: “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sleeping,” I replied. “Is this not a good place to sleep?”

He said nothing to answer me, but asked instead: “How long have you been on the streets?”

Now, isn’t that a rhetorical question? Who said I was “on the streets?” What does is that supposed to suggest? Here I’m noted for sleeping as far away from the streets as possible, and this guy’s assuming I’m some kind of street-huggin’ hustler, just because I live outdoors. I could feel it already — the stigma, the judgment.

So I acted a little indignant, I suppose, and I said: “I’m not a street person, sir! I’ll be getting a room next month. I’m on a fixed income, and I can’t afford to stay in hotel rooms. I’m just here till my check comes.”

“Let me see your I.D.,” he growled.

As I reached down for my wallet and handed him my California State Senior Photo I.D., he seemed uncomfortable about something. but I didn’t know what it was.

“OK,” I replied, a bit puzzled. It was ironic, too. I had finally found a clean quilt – at a church after a meeting. This was supposed to be my night to actually sleep for a change. I love the outdoors, but I somehow don’t sleep well without a blanket. It provides a sense of security – of protection, perhaps. But this one was a bright white. That was a drawback. It may have drawn him in.

Damn! I had so hoped he would have taken me to jail. I almost begged him over it. It’s supposed to rain the next two days and two nights. I’d have paid off the fine, and gotten three squares a day, and a roof over my head to boot. But he just shouted: “Take care of it!”

Then he drove off.

Pardon my naivete, peeps, but — was there any particular law I was breaking by — sleeping? Was it vagrancy? Can’t have been. Vagrancy involves the intent to commit a crime, doesn’t it Sherp? I’m curious. I would like to know.

Moreover, a “traffic violation” doesn’t fit my M.O. I haven’t driven a car since March 19, 2004. I certainly haven’t driven one in Redwood City. So – I can get that cleared – but my question remains — did that cop have a right to run my record? Do you know, Bruce? Bif? Boxcar? I’m asking you smart guys. You probably know.

Me? I’m just the local idiot savant, masochistic purveyor of laptops and Chromebooks to thugs, on pain of brutal blow to skull.

Like this:

These also stagger from wineand stumble from strong drink:The priests and the prophets reel from strong drinkand are befuddled by wine.They stumble because of strong drink,muddled in their visions and stumbling in their judgments.For all their tables are covered with vomit;there is not a place without filth.

Who is it He is trying to teach?To whom is He explaining His messageTo infants just weaned from milk?To babies removed from the breast?For He says,“Order on order, order on order,line on line, line on line,a little here, a little there.”Indeed, with mocking lips and foreign tongues,He will speak to this people to whom He has said“This is the place of rest,let the weary rest;this is the place of repose.”But they would not listen.