from Scary Tales #34 (Sept. 1982)

1. The “ferocious fins” in the first panel…is that an exclamation, or is Sgt. Shark just describing what he’s seeing?

2. By what mechanism does the Shark Tooth pendant lend “strength” to Sgt. Shark? Is there some kind of transfer of mystical energy, or is it some placebo effect, making Sgt. Shark think he’s stronger simply because he’s wearing it?

3. “I hope I wasn’t too late” to save the girl from the shark attack, he says. So long as he’s carrying more than just the half of her body we can see, hopefully she’s fine.

4. Okay, dude, you just saved her from a shark attack. Is now the time to do the hard-sell on your magical Shark Tooth necklace thingie?

5. I don’t even want to know what’s going on in silhouette in that last panel.

I think Perry King a little long in the tooth (yuk yuk) for the role. He could play Sgt. Shark’s irascible, alcoholic father (with requisite heart of gold). I do think this part is perfect for Matthew McConaughey, however. Make it happen, Hollywood!

The younger Perry King would be perfect for this. We simply need to utilize the technology from ‘Sky Captain’ — the Lawrence Olivier reanimation — on some old ‘Riptide’ footage, maybe mix that up with some vocal tracks from ‘The Star Wars Radio Drama.’ Somebody get Ari Gold to tie up these loose ends and it’s do-able.