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Tag: Happiness

From time to time I look at my older art and with some of them I think “you could have done that better,” and I’m confident I would. This doesn’t mean I’m not proud of my past works though, I see them as progress to the artist I am now. They remind me how I started and where I was 2 years ago.

So much has happened since then. I was excited when one of my pictures received one view but now, since the beginning of the year, I’ve been receiving dozens of requests. It’s the sort of thing I didn’t think could happen, the idea never truly entered my head as a possibility. I’m still amazed by it all, even when I’m receiving requests now. =)

I decided to take a break from requests for the time being as I’ve been working on multiple backlogs since Christmas and I’ve also had spells of being unwell perhaps due to tiredness. I have taken a couple of short breaks between requests but have now decided to take a longer break to “recharge my batteries”. I do love my drawings I just think I’ve been a bit over-enthusiastic and perhaps not rested as much as I should have.

I hope to produce a picture to celebrate my own personal achievement for the last two years. My initial achievement was being brave enough to share my very first picture publicly but now the other achievement is making others happy with my drawings. =)

Not so long ago I chipped a tooth and booked an appointment to get it checked. I was somewhat anxious as it would be my first ever filing… or so I thought. My Dentist told me my “chipped tooth” was in perfect condition with a tiny scrape at the top. I felt much better after this, I was anxious over nothing. =)

For the past few weeks I’ve been very poorly. I was suffering with bad dizzy spells to the point where I couldn’t draw and lost my balance whenever I walked. On top of that I caught a cold in the process.

I wondered if it was because I had been drinking decaf tea for over a week as opposed to my normal regular tea, so I switched to regular tea… only to experience no sleep that very same night. The dizzy spells seemed to have disappeared though. Haha!

I’m more or less better now I just need to rest more and sleep better. I do feel up to drawing more requests so I’ll resume them this evening. =)

Thanks for reading. =)

Ryan.^^/

PS, I’m learning Japanese, more specifically Kana. I now understand the difference between Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji. Hurray. =)

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been very busy with all kinds of things. I’ve been out socialising, continuing my outside projects and helping out with various tasks.

I got back into swimming a couple of weeks ago. I was hesitant in both weeks as the pool was filled with adults and children and we nearly bumped into each other a few times. I do my best to read situations but sometimes you learn things through experience rather than logic, even if you practice the scenario 100 times in your head. Haha.

I’ve been out a few other times as well and watched Wrestlemania at my brother’s and hanging out at Starbucks. My bro and I were both laughing because the gentleman that served me thought my name was Ray, not Ryan. I was chuckling to myself at that silly moment whilst gazing at nothing in particular when a lady, who stood near us, looked up and smiled at me. I felt a little awkward at that moment it looked as though I’ve been staring and smiling at her all that time. Of course this wasn’t the case and I would understand if she thought if I was bonkers but I will take a smile over a frown any day!

We had a lot of visitors at my home throughout the week and I helped to look after my niece twice this week on the same days as yoga and swimming. All was well when I felt something was off when I came back from yoga. I don’t know why but I felt very dizzy and lethargic and at one point I thought I was going to be sick. Why was I suddenly feeling ill? I had no idea why. The answer came to me quickly, a combination of lack of sleep and not giving myself enough time to recharge my batteries.

It has been a challenging week for me personally. I usually take things easy but lately I’ve been busier than ever and I’m not used to socialising with others more than once a week. Deep down I’ve probably withheld my stress and doing my best to persevere. My body and mind needs to slow down and take things easier, especially with things that aren’t in my control. It didn’t help that I got back into the habit of going to bed late and waking up very early.

It’s all ok though, as soon as I recognised something was wrong I tried to listen to the current conditions of my mind and body. What would cheer me up? Once decided I had a deep bath, watched Non Non Biyori and wrote some notes on my fantasy story. The only way I get rid of my negative thinking is to not try to force it out but to accept it and override it with something that makes me happy and only then will the negatives wash away. It works every time.

I feel it’s important to remember that even when I’m having an off day I know what makes me happy. =)

I also made the sad decision to get rid of my Lady Lamp. I’ve had it since I was sixteen but throughout the years it has been pretty much decaying to the point where it couldn’t be fixed. It was a very big decision and letting go of attachments is never easy. I was upset at first when I decided to let it go but I got used to its absence very quickly. It’s reassuring for me that I’m able to let go of materialistic attachments, especially something as precious as my Lady Lamp.

All these events remind me that no matter how challenging life gets things will turn out well in the end. =D

I like to talk about my current thoughts on anime and manga but I’ll leave that for another time. =)

Hello everyone, I just thought I’d give you all a quick update on my latest news.

For the past few weeks I have been experiencing an unfortunate cold which made me lose a lot of steam and energy with my drawings so I decided to take a small break to rest. Thankfully it seems the worst of my cold has disappeared, all I’m left with is an aggravating tickle in my throat. I should be fine as long as I don’t cough or talk, haha. Fortunately I’m well enough to resume my requests and anything drawing related. =)

It’s amazing to think I’ve received so many requests since the end of last year. When I first shared my art online I never imagined that anyone would view my art let alone ask me for a picture. Almost all of my art I’ve uploaded this year have been requests. In hindsight I probably accepted too many requests at once which resulted in a huge backlog and since Christmas I’ve been playing catch-up. Even now I’m still playing catch-up but I will continue to keep doing my best until they’re all finished.

Outside my art life I’ve been up to various things, mostly watching films and the football with my family. I’m also watching two new anime from this season, KonoSuba season two and Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid. KonoSuba’s second season is as funny as I expected it to be but I’m enjoying Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid far more than I thought I would. They’re the perfect anime to cheer me up during my time with a cold and they couldn’t have aired at a better time, even their opening and ending songs lifts the mood. =)

This morning was a very unique experience. To celebrate my Brother’s 30th birthday he has hired a Cinema venue for a couple of hours to play Wii U games on one of the gigantic screens. =D Apparently this was the first ever time that someone has hired a Cinema screening to play Wii U games on.

The anticipation did get to me and that resulted in me losing some sleep last night wondering what was going to happen and over-analysing. Because I was nervous I started to think irrationally but eventually I managed to tell myself “pull yourself together.” Nothing has happened yet so it’s pointless to imagine scenes and picture the worst case scenario. Just go in there with a positive mind, and that’s what happened.

I went there with a small group of friends and family and we started to play the Wii U. I noticed the huge difference playing games on a small TV than playing games on a huge screen. Cinema screenings are usually filled with people but on this occasion there were only the 7 of us so I’m willing to go as far as say that this was the best filming experience ever… except, we were playing games rather than watching a film. Haha.

I tried to be a little more chatty this time around but sometimes I stayed quiet, unsure what to say so I just played the games. We played Nintendo Land and Mario Kart. I was very rusty. I wasn’t so good to begin with but I was even worse today. Not that I mind though, it was good fun and a brilliant experience.

I keep mentioning about my epiphany from months ago but it’s proving to be diffidence in my current positive way of thinking. Plus, I didn’t get trapped in the toilet this time so that’s a big bonus!

We played for two hours and it was a very good change of pace, but even so I did somewhat reached my limit because I started to get some blankess in my head. The blankness in my head usually indicates where I’ve been out for too long but it had nothing to do with the event itself. My enjoyment for the event was slightly greater so I tried to ignore the headache and just try to make the most of it.

After having fun whilst being somewhat out of my comfort zone I can relax with a nice hot chocolate. =)

Speaking of comfort zones, something completely off topic, I babysat my young niece the other day which was a bit spur of the moment. Usually I do struggle with “last minute” situations as I like routine but luckily this time around I managed to gather my thoughts and babysat her with Mum until my Brother came home.^^/

Positive thinking really does help a bundle and it’s a bonus when you go out for the sake of having fun. =)

I made a big decision today over a matter that I’ve been debating for years regarding writing an auto-biography about my life with Autism. Basically, I decided against it.

Since school I always envisioned myself writing an auto-biography as I felt it was my duty to rather than wanting to. Every time I dug down to my memory roots I would always end up feeling sad and feeding myself negativity. Nowadays I’m blessed with the fact that I can move on from the past but I had big problems when I was little, especially when trying to communicate with others. It was painful and frustrating not being able to talk to the point where it felt like they happened yesterday. I can still remember the pain I was in and how sad I was.

One day, today, I thought to myself if this was really worth it. Is it worth digging into my past and re-living those painful memories for the sake of sharing my story and possibly making some money through book sales? I came to the decision that it’s not worth it. I don’t want to think about those times let alone talk about them so why should I torture myself? I have a lot of wonderful stuff going on in my life right now and no matter how I look at it, living in the present, today, is far superior than re-calling the memories of the past. =)

With that, let’s talk about how good today is. =D

*

My life is wonderful at the minute. I’m editing my book after a few family discussions and I’m in the process of creating a huge database for my fantasy book so I can keep on top of my own information. =D

I’m really happy and touched by the amount of support I’m receiving throughout social media and art sites. =D I’m just happy if one person looks at my art but some of my art are getting more than 1 view. Some get over 10, some over 100 and remarkably some over 1000. Before I joined Deviantart I never would have predicted that I would receive so much activity with my art. Joining Deviantart is definitely one of my best life decisions to date.

I’m in the midst of tackling some fanart requests as I feel I’m ready to give it a go. So far I’ve completed 1 request out of 5 and at this moment I’m coping with the pressure rather well. I was asked to update my Yoko Littner picture by adding more colours and correcting the length of her right glove.

The final good news is that I recently reached the landmark of 30 completed pictures from my Manga Girls series. I find this exciting as this simple style of black and white with only the hair and eyes coloured allows me the freedom and time to complete pictures quicker. If I include backgrounds I focus too hard and take too long but if it’s just the lady, I can go all out as drawing girls seems to be my forte.

I amended and employed plenty of styles along the way and I actually think I get better every time I touch the tablet with my pen.

Finding my own identity was always an issue for me and it was tough as my autism was severe back then and I did not adapt well to change, especially clothes. Every time I would have to change shoes or get new shirts I would get really upset as I felt that I keep on losing my identity, every time.

I really dislike letting go of things so I started to attach myself to everything whether its old objects like clothes, past school works, old ideas for my story and even reminiscing about my past. I really didn’t like this but because I was consumed by all of this I felt that my past thoughts and past objects and emotions were parts of my identity as a person- maintaining the status quo, not adapting to change.

However, one day, I decided to change my mind set. Why should I remember sad thoughts? Why am I holding onto things and not letting go? That was when I realised that I’ve attached myself to objects and emotions as I convinced myself that’s what my life is like.

By focusing on the things that make me happy now I gradually detached myself from the sad memories and past objects. They include anime like NEW GAME and Non Non Biyori, hanging out with my family, Vlogging, Blogging, Art, Writing, Yoga, the list is endless.

Attachments are not bad, you just have to recognise the good ones from the bad ones and it very much reminds me of change. There’s good and bad change in time. As time ticks every second we are living in the present of that tick-tock on the clock with something to look forward to in the future. If time stopped, we would stop, frozen solid and never moving.

The only nostalgia that I kept from the past that still exists in my life today is the presence of Thomas the Tank Engine. Some of you will already know why he was and still is very important in my life. That is a happy attachment. =)

Attachments, emotions and memories are very powerful to the point where you do question your own identity. It wasn’t easy and it did take a lot of time but when I focused on my current happiness I gradually detached myself from the sad memories and the things that made me sad without realising it. In time, they disappeared completely. They may pop up every now and again but pop ups are insignificant to the bigger picture.

I questioned if I was sad, if I was a monster, if I was autistic and so on but those days are now behind me. Being happy made me realise just who I was and that defines me perfectly. =)

I think its human nature to get down in the dumps sometimes, and it’s happened to the best of us. It happens to me from time to time, especially when I’m tired or whenever I’m anticipating the thought of socialising with people.

Sometimes when I think about going out, it can trigger negative emotions in me. However, just because you feel sad or think sad doesn’t mean you should succumb to it. I can stop it, not by fighting those feelings, but rather, override them with the positives. And when I do, I end up feeling much better.

At the beginning of the year I had a throat and a chest infection. It was really bad and I had it for weeks. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t read or go on the laptop as it made me feel dizzy, I felt constantly sick and I couldn’t talk without coughing. All I could do was lie down. It wasn’t a very pleasant experience and it was the worst I had felt in years.

I didn’t like feeling sorry for myself so I ended up willing myself to draw. ‘One little sketch couldn’t hurt’ I thought… I ended up doing back to back drawings and actually completed a full length comic based on the DanMachi series. It was the first ever doujin (fanmade comic) I’ve ever completed. I was really happy and fulfilled with my comic and additional art and gradually, I felt myself getting better because I was ignoring my illness and indulging in my own happiness.

Since my recovery I achieved a number of other personal goals too.

I suddenly had the urge to re-write my first children’s picture book and I completed it in a single day. I’m really happy with it and I feel that it’s much better than ever before. It’s now currently in the editing stage where I’m getting the opinion of family and friends alike before publishing it on Kindle. =)

The other big achievement for me is that one of my pictures was featured in the Kitacon Karnival booklet this year. My brother encouraged me to email the picture over to them and I thought “why not?” so I submitted a picture of Kirin Toudou from The Asterisk War anime and to my surprise and delight it was in that book! =D This year’s Kitacon convention was good and I enjoyed it more than last year as I managed to be brave and speak to more people.

There has been lot of good things that has happened to. I cooked eggs benedict based on Erina’s recipe from the Food Wars anime, getting my first ever platinum trophy which I achieved on the Atelier Shallie game, creating a YouTube Vlog channel about Football and most recently I received a like on a Twitter post from the one and only Alan Shearer… that truly was a heart-stopping moment. =D

*

What I’m trying to say really is that you can take the positives from the negatives, even when you are really ill. I took one positive from the time when I wasn’t in the mood to think positive and it has led to a lot of wonderful things, especially new and fresh ideas for my book which is especially important.

I will always get anxious whenever I’m about to go out as it’s an instant emotion that takes over me, but I will always claim my mind back as I should be able to think what I want, and feel how I want.

Anyway, this is the strategy that works for me and I thought I’d just share it. Now, I’m going to go and draw and make a start on my Birthday list. =)

It will seem very strange to say this but at this moment in timeI feel like a social butterfly.

For the past two or three weeks I’ve been outdoors, a lot. Most of my time is spent working on the garden and building the foundation for the summer house. However, I have actually been spending some time socialising with people. I’ve been doing a bit of DIY with my brother as well, something which I have never done before in my life.

Before going to Kitacon I went to watch Ant Man with a few close family members. It was somewhat impromptu, from my point of view. I had good warning but I got it in my head that I wasn’t going to watch this film until I had been to Kitacon so it did catch me off guard. I was ok watching the actual film and in a way it was a nice distraction from thinking about Kitacon. We talked about the film.

Some of you may already know that I go to yoga. I go to yoga every Wednesday mornings as it’s the class that has the fewest numbers which is my ideal class. It’s also the same class that do tea and biscuits afterwards. I was always kindly offered to stay but I always said no. I said no namely because I have to go back home to wait for parcels or avon and because I had a driver waiting, aka, Dad. One of the main reasons is because I do get very nervous in social situations and I never felt like staying.

My confidence coming back from Kitacon was fairly strong at that point so I decided to stay behind and socialise with my fellow yogis. My yogi instructor was most surprised and happy. Haha. It’s a nice group so I always thought about staying behind. I’m glad I did stay behind but I was nervous because I didn’t know what to say or do so I just listening mostly to what everyone else was saying. Will I stay behind this week? I won’t plan to. I’ll just see how I feel.

I was actually invited to a friend’s birthday party but my Bro didn’t ask me to come. He was aware that I was going through a big head-mush at that point in time and didn’t want to make it worse for me.

It doesn’t seem like I interacted that much by what I said in this blog but from my point of view I’ve done much more than my fair share or socialising with different people whether they’re family, friends or strangers. I’m in the frame of mind that I could easily talk to anyone, even if I do get a head mush or I do get dizzy from interacting with people in unfamiliar environments.

I managed to share my photography Kitacon gallery on the Kitacon Facebook page. That was also very brave of me as I don’t like standing out in crowds and I never speak to anyone publicly on social media pages. I might like posts on Facebook but I have never uploaded a galley or something to that extent… until now. The reaction was quite positive, to my relief and surprise, and one lady asked for an original photo so I facebook messaged a photo of her. I never thought I would do that!

Kitacon still seems like a very long dream. It just doesn’t seem real for some reason. I digress as this is about me being a social butterfly rather than Kitacon. Haha.

Socialising doesn’t require a skill or magical powers all you have to do is be confident and be who you are. Sometimes it will work out, other times, it won’t. It’s never easy or straightforward for me but people are just people. =)

I just found out some very exciting news. Monster Musume is finally going to be adapted for TV. =D I don’t know much of the details so far but I do know that it’s somehow linked with Tokuma Shoten and it’s going to air at some point this summer.

I like the look of the anime art as well. I think it’s cute and it nearly matches the same art style originally portrayed by Okayado. I actually recognise the TV art style but I can’t quite put my finger on how.

For the past year or so I have been trying to guess which voice talent will portray certain characters.

When I listen to Miia, in my head, she sounds the sort of character that either Haruka Tomatsu or Kana Asumi would portray. Miia is someone who is flirtatious, affectionate but also very innocent. She reminds me a little bit of Lala from To LOVE-Ru, who is voiced by Haruka Tomatsu. So, that is probably why I hear her voice when I read Miia’s lines. Haha. I’m pretty sure either Yoko Hikasa or Marina Inoue will voice Cerea. Cerea is the type of character who is honoured bound through royalty or protection and is very strong but she also has a very awkward/innocent side.

I see Ms Smith as the mature but unreliable type. With that in mind I hear someone like Eri Kitamura portraying Ms Smith. For someone like Papi, I hear someone who is a fun-loving younger sister type. Perhaps someone like Inori Minase? Ai Kayano? For Kimihito…I don’t really have a voice for him apart from my own.

Will MonMusu just feature the first three girls, or will it feature the other girls as well? I picture Mero as someone as gentle, kind and perhaps with a bit of a masochist side. Perhaps someone like Satomi Akesaka or Azumi Asakura? I think Shizuka Itou will do a brilliant job as Rachnee. She is very good at portraying girls who are a little lustful in nature but mature in the head. A bit like Akeno from High School DxD. I can’t picture Suu’s voice very well. I constantly picture her voice as slightly monotone.

If the MON squad appear… I hear Aki Toyosaki as Tio, Kana Asumi as Zombina, Yui Horie as Manako and Rumi Okubo as Doppel.

Will the Monster Musume anime be a success? I’m not sure. On MonMusu’s official twitter page they did a fan poll asking what scenes they wouldn’t want to be “omitted.” In other words, which scenes we, the viewer, definitely want to see in the TV anime. I did raise my own questions, I must say. Why would you want to omit scenes from the manga? If anything, I would want to see some scenes extended, including when Kimihito and Miia met for the first time.

In all fairness though, it really does depend on who is producing this show and how much budget they have for the project. I know the source says that it’s going to be TV anime but will it necessarily be a TV series? I seem to think that it would, but, I’ll just wait and see what happens. =)

It might not be as good as the manga but I certainly won’t pre-judge. Even if it isn’t as good as the manga I will still support it as much as I can, however I can. I’m even prepared to buy the DVD when it comes out in Japan. There might be a bit of a language barrier, but it will still be worth it.

This news has made my day. =)

THANKS FOR READING

This is a really good week for me so far, and it’s not just about Monster Musume getting an anime.

I got a response from Britt Allcroft! I wrote to her last October and linked her to my Thomas blog. She responded to my message a couple of days ago to thank me for writing to her. She also told me that by reading my blog she has gained a lot of insight on how an Autistic person thinks. =)

And, finally… I’m going to be an Uncle. My brother and his partner are going to have a baby come September. I think “Uncle Ryan” has a very nice ring to it. I have nothing really more to say about this, just that my week is getting better and better. =D