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To the Wife Who Hates Going Down on Her Husband: Try This

Who here
read the recent article about the woman who hates giving oral sex to her
husband? To recap, she loves her man but finds blow jobs degrading, particularly
the idea of him finishing in her mouth. Reading her story, all I wanted was to buy
her a drink and lay some sex tips on her, girl to girl.

The first
thing I’d say is, if giving head feels degrading, you might be doing it
wrong. And by "wrong," I mean "wrong for you." Ideally, pleasuring your man orally
should feel empowering. He is literally putty in your hands.

Unless it
turns you on, you'll want to avoid any positions where you feel gagged or
overpowered. He shouldn’t be pushing your head down, either. You take control
of everything from the pace to the depth of penetration. It’s your show.

First, find
a comfortable position that puts you in the driver’s seat. Crouching between
his legs while he lays back gives you good control but can be hell on your back,
so try kneeling on a pillow while he sits on the bed with his legs hanging over or laying down next to him on your side.

If giving head feels degrading, you might be doing it
wrong.

Next, don’t
skip the foreplay. If you jump right into the action of a blow job, it could
end up lasting a jaw-breakingly long time. Start with a little make-out session
to get him warmed up. Even if you’re not planning to engage in intercourse,
give him some visual stimulation by wearing lingerie or going topless. Stimulate
him with gentle kisses, licks and warm breaths before you ever take him into
your mouth. Talking dirty takes no physical effort, but can speed up your
progress enormously!

Now let’s
talk technique: Giving a man oral sex does take some effort. As Samantha famously
said on "Sex and the City," “They don’t call it a job for nothing.” But nobody
expects you to deep throat like a porn star. The most sensitive part of a man’s
penis is the head, anyway. Get your mouth around that and let your hands do the
rest. I swear he will not mind a bit. Move your mouth and hands in unison with a bit of lubrication (saliva is fine) and he may not even know the
difference!

If you feel
yourself gagging or gasping for air, give your mouth a break while your hands
keep up the rhythm. Treat him to fluttery kisses or lick him like an ice cream cone, focusing on the
frenulum—the sensitive underside of the penis—until you feel ready to put it
back in your mouth.

When he’s breathing
hard and clearly in the zone, see if you can wrap one of your hands around his
balls to help push him over the edge.

As for the
grand finale, you have choices. If you just can’t stomach the idea of semen
in your mouth, find something you’re
comfortable doing that still feels loving to him. Maybe he can finish on his own
stomach while you look deeply into his eyes, kissing his thighs. If you are open to spitting or swallowing, but are held back by
smell or taste issues, make him take a shower first and feed him a nice fruit
salad earlier in the day—it’s supposed to make his joy juice sweeter.

What other tips would you give this oral-shy wife to help take the blech out of BJs?

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Sexual health is an often overlooked indicator of our overall health. But good sexual health is important for a happy, satisfying life. Before reaching for medicines, there are some lifestyle changes a person can make to improve their sexual health.

For example, reducing stress. Stress increases your heart rate, which reduces sexual desire. So if you want a good sex life, get rid of the stress.