Agape

"Whenever physical hunger turned cruel against me, I found my gratification in prayer. Whenever the biting cold of winter was unkind to me, I found my warmth in prayer. Whenever people were harsh to me (and their harshness was severe indeed) I found my comfort in prayer. In short, prayer became my food and my drink, my outfit and my armor, whether by night or by day." Fr. Matta El Meskeen (Matthew the Poor)

Sunday, December 3, 2017

In short, clericalism is de facto denial of the Church as the Body of Christ, for in the body all organs are related and different only in their functions, but not in their essence. And the more clericalism “clericalizes” (the traditional image of the bishop or the priest – emphasized by his clothes, hair, e.g., the bishop in full regalia!), the more the Church itself becomes more worldly; spiritually submits itself to this world…Fr. Alexander Schmemann, Taken from his Journals, Page 310.

Growing up I was taught that a liturgy can never be celebrated without the active presence of the laity. As I began to ponder this point it began to make sense to me. However, I did not see it the other way around, which is to say, if we do have the laity but the "priest is not present" then the celebration of the liturgy cannot go on. This understanding is simply not true. It is the people who make up the church and it is the gathering of the people that allow for the celebration of the liturgy to take place.

What is clericalism? Clericalism is the idea that elevates ordained priests to some "higher" position within the church. People are sold on the fact that priests are not "normal humans", that they possess special "powers" acquired on the day of ordination, and based on the power given to them are separated from the rest of the church community. I do believe these ideas may be correct in some instances. I also believe the priests receive divine grace from God however in understanding what this means we have overturned the definition and misunderstood the priesthood entirely.

Many believe the liturgy is something that the priest "does". The priest becomes the provider of services (i.e. Liturgy, Baptisms, Marriages etc) and the people come to partake of these services because somehow the work of the priest allows them to be present for the liturgy or baptism etc. This is simply a misunderstanding that breeds the culture of clericalism that is alive within many church communities today. Even the language and attitudes people have towards these services deepen the divide between community and individualism which gives life to clericalism. For example, people "order various services" (i.e. Baptism) by making an appointment with the priest and make sure to invite there "close" friends and completing the service in isolation of the wider community. Everything that church provides and gives is bestowed on behalf of all and for all. Individualism and isolation is the starting point of empowering the priests to a level that deems "special status", while somehow the laity is on a "lower" level than the priest. Some people do understand they must participate in the life of the Church when they involve the entire community. But many lay people treat the church as a shop of spells and the priest is the one dispensing them.

Contrary to what you may believe, priests do not possess anything that the church does not possess. The royal priesthood, which is mentioned at large in the book of Hebrews and 1 Peter (2.9) applies not only to the priest but to all who are in the body of Christ. The body of Christ can be partaken of by all who come and see and taste from the bread which gives life to all. Therefore, the priesthood cannot "exist" outside of the church, instead, the priesthood is a quality based on what the church has given to us and in giving us the body of Christ we are then called to be the priesthood for the life of the world. If we understand the priesthood as a natural way of life, given to us by the church, then the liturgy also become the function of the church as a way to restore life and not something that is performed for 3 hours on a Sunday morning. The Liturgy is the life of the church in union with Christ and not a product produced by the clergy and purchased by the laity. The liturgy has no price! The liturgy is the gathering of the people united in love which is lived out for all who come and taste the beauty of all that is good.

Sadly, the way religious services are organized today is reduced to a show at the expense of the laity. Private prayers are done out of sight not allowing the laity to participate in the active service. Of course, the people should be praying during the service, and we usually conclude that this is how the people are active in the service. Consider the following: if a priest is not serving and is simply praying in the church during the liturgy officiated by another priest, we say the priest is not serving, even if he takes communion. This is the status of the laity in our churches: they are not serving.

It is true that a priest cannot serve the liturgy alone, but the "where two or three are gathered together" clause requires only one chanter in addition to the priest and this fulfills the rule. Imagine if we require a larger group in order to celebrate the liturgy. People would feel responsible to be in church in order for the liturgy to take place. The laity would feel a sense obligation to be in the church in order for the liturgy to take place. Think of the liturgy as a family gathers for a dinner. Can the dinner take place if one member of the family is not present? The dinner can proceed on but it would not have the same feeling. Everyone would be talking about the one missing family member. Can this rule also apply to the liturgy? If we can change our mindset about the liturgy, beginning with the process of the faithful coming together, with God's children answering the call of the Father and gathering like olive shoots around His table (Psalm 128:3), alive, growing, producing fruit, and connected to one root. The idea that the liturgy begins with my willful act of manifesting my membership in the church by gathering together with my family in Christ for the common work of the liturgy may become more real for the laity.

Monday, August 1, 2016

"In my early professional years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?" - Carl Rogers.

I have had many people ask me about what I do in the hospital and I have posted previously (scroll down in the older posts) about my role as a chaplain. Another role that Chaplains have or another hat we wear is the hat of a Psychotherapist. Psycho what? Yep! Psychotherapist!

Thinking about seeing a therapist but confused about the different titles? Psychiatrist, psychologist, psychoanalyst, psychotherapist. Point being is that there are a lot of psychos in the world :) So what is a Psychotherapist?

A Psychotherapist is really an umbrella term for any professional who is trained to treat people for their emotional problems. Depending upon their academic degree and clinical training, a Psychotherapist can be a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Social Work, or Chaplain (among others), and work with individuals, couples, groups, families, communities to help navigate them with the emotional distress present. We use many different techniques to assess and provide different interventions. Many models of assessment and interventions are present so I won't unpack them all here but I would like to touch upon one point; the challenges a Psychotherapist faces. Our work can be demanding and sometimes we don't see "results" (whatever that means) immediately. According to Joyce Marter, a Psychotherapist, she believes the challenging to maintain a happy medium between letting clients rinse and repeat unhealthy patterns can be a challenge:

One of the
most challenging aspects of conducting therapy is finessing the balance between
meeting clients where they are at and also encouraging them to grow. I believe
we all unconsciously recreate patterns in our life that are familiar to us as a
way of working through our issues.

When a
client presents for therapy, I will honor their emotional experience and
reflect empathy as a way for them to express and release feelings that may be preventing
them from moving forward. I will gently but directly encourage them to identify
themes and patterns in their life that are no longer working for them.

When
clients are ready to make positive change[s] in their lives, they will learn
from these insights and empower themselves to choose roles and relationships
that promote wellness, happiness and success in their lives.

However,
sometimes we need to repeat these patterns over and over until we are ready to
look within ourselves and make the changes. It is difficult when clients focus
on others (who they cannot control) and continue to cycle in a way that is
self-limiting.

It is at
these times that I need to practice healthy detachment with love–the ability to
unplug from my clients’ stuff and understand that they are exactly where they
should be in their journey and they will make positive changes only when they
are ready.

I often
refer to the Serenity Prayer, which is, “God, grant me the serenity to accept
the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the
wisdom to know the difference.” This reminds me that I should focus on
everything that is within my power as a therapist, such as providing empathy,
compassion, insight, interpretations, coaching on how to change self-talk and
perspective, and increase copings skills and awareness through
psycho-education.

I need to
continually remind myself to let go of that which I cannot control, such as the
clients’ responses, behaviors, progress, etc. I remember when I was in graduate
school, a beloved professor of mine said, “Joyce, you are very good at being
empathic and breathing people’s stuff in. You need to remember to breathe it
out.” Her words were very wise and I reflect on them daily as I continue to
grow as a clinician.

Creating positive change is taxing on the people you provide support to. And, naturally, it is also emotionally draining for clinicians. Christian Hibbert, a clinical Psychologist and postpartum mental health expert, tries her best to prevent emotional overwhelm as she summarizes in the following:

For me,
the toughest part about doing therapy with a client is ensuring I do not get
consumed with the emotional drain. I strive to be fully present with my
clients, to listen carefully and feel what they are feeling. Empathy and
connection in the therapeutic relationship is key to helping the client make
change, and it is rewarding to get to know these wonderful people in such a
deep and intimate way.

However,
it can also be very draining. I used to work longer days and I would come home
depleted, with little left for my family’s needs. But now I work shorter days,
which helps keep my energy levels up.

I also
prepare myself before sessions through deep breathing and visualization
techniques that help me feel prepared to be with my clients, to empathize and
feel with them while they’re there with me, but to also leave it all in my
office when I go home.

I don’t
let the emotional experiences “stick” to me like I used to, and that makes
doing therapy so much healthier for me, which makes me a better psychologist
for my clients.

This was just a tad bit of what a Psychotherapist is and what it is that we do. Our work can look different depending on the place of work and the environment we find ourselves. However, one thing is certain with all Psychotherapist; the care of the human being is what pushes us to be present with everyone we come into contact with!

Saturday, March 26, 2016

I've been reading Brene brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who you Think You're Supposed to be and Embrace who you Are". Dr. Brown is a social worker and is a research professor at the University of Houston. This book focuses on vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame, shared ten guideposts on the power of wholehearted living-a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness. I recommend this book to any who's felt down at any point in life. This passage on faith touched me and I hope you enjoy it as I did.
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I've come to realize that faith and reason are not natural enemies. It's our human need for certainty and our need to "be right" that have pitted faith and reason against each other in an almost reckless way. We force ourselves to choose and defend one way of knowing the world at the expense of the other.

I understand that faith and reason can clash and create uncomfortable tensions-those tensions play out in my life, and I can feel them in my bones. But this work has forced me to see that it's our fear of the unknown and our fear of being wrong that create most of our conflict and anxiety. We need both faith and reason to make meaning in an uncertain world.

I can't tell you how many time I've heard the terms having faith and my faith in my interviews with men and women who are living the wholehearted journey. At first I thought that faith meant "there's a reason for everything". I personally struggled with that because I'm not comfortable with using God or faith or spirituality to explain tragedy. It actually feels like substituting certainty for faith when people say, "There's a reason for everything".

But I quickly learned from the interviews that faith meant something else to these people. Here's how I define faith based on the research interviews:

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.

I also learned that it's not always the scientists who struggle with faith and the religious who fully embrace uncertainty. Many forms of fundamentalism and extremism are about choosing certainty over faith.

I love this from theologian Richard Rohr: "My scientist friends have come up with the things like 'principles of uncertainty' and dark holes. They're willing to live inside imagined hypotheses and theories. But many religious folks insist on answers that are always true. We love closure, resolution and clarity, while thinking that we are people of 'faith'! How strange that the very word 'faith' has come to means its exact opposite".

Faith is essential when we decide to live and love with our whole hearts in a world where most of us want assurances before we risk being vulnerable and getting hurt. To say, "I'm going to engage wholeheartedly in my life" requires believing without seeing.

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who you Think You're Supposed to be and Embrace who you Are. Pages 90-91.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The following is a excerpt from Henri Nouwen's On Dying and Caring. He speaks about two kinds of joy and paints an image of what it means to die a peaceful death. I hope this resonates with all of you as it did with me.

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Two of the
greatest joys experienced are the joy of being different from others and the
joy of being the same as others. The first of these I saw while watching the
1992 Olympics in Barcelona on television. Those who stood on the rostrum and
received their bronze, silver, and gold medals experienced joy as the direct
result of being able to run faster, jump higher, or throw farther than others.
The difference might have been extremely small, but it had great significance.
It was the distinction between defeat and victory, between rueful tears and
ecstatic joy. This is the joy of the hero and the star, the joy that comes from
successfully competing, winning the prize, receiving the honor, and walking
into the limelight.

I know this joy
myself. I know it from getting an award at school, from being chosen the leader
of my class, from receiving tenure at the university, and from seeing my books
published and receiving honorary degrees. I know the immense satisfaction that
comes from being considered different from others. These types of achievements
dispel self-doubts and bestow self-confidence. This is the joy having “made
it”, the joy of being recognized for making a difference. We all wait for this
joy somewhere, somehow. It remains the joy of the one who said, “I thank you God,
that I am not like everyone else” (Luke 18:11-12).

The other kind
of joy is harder to describe but easier to find. It is the joy of being the
brother or sister of all people. Although this joy is closer at hand-more
accessible-than the joy of being different, it is not as obvious, and only a
few people ever truly find it. This is the joy of being a part of that vast
variety of people-of all ages, colors, and religions-who together form the
human family. This is the immense joy of being a member of the human race.

At several times
in my life, I have tasted this joy. I felt it most acutely in 1964, when I
walked with thousands of people in Alabama from Selma to Montgomery in a civil
rights march led by Martin Luther King, Jr. I will never forget the joy I
experienced during that march. I had come by myself. Nobody knew me-nobody had
ever heard of me-but when we walked together and put our arms around each
other’s shoulders and sang “We shall overcome one day,” I experienced a joy I
had never experienced before in my life. I said to myself, “Yes, yes, I belong;
these are my people. They may have different way of life, but they are my
brothers and sisters. They love me, and I love them. Their smiles and tears are
my smiles and tears; their prayers and prophecies are my prayers and
prophecies; their anguish and hope are my anguish and hope. I am one with
them”.

In an instant,
all differences seemed to melt away as snow in the sun. All my comparing
disappeared, and I felt surrounded by the welcoming arms of all humanity. I was
aware that some of the people with whom I held hands had spent years in prison,
were addicted to drugs or alcohol, suffered from loneliness and depression, and
lived lives radically different from mine, but they all looked to me like saints,
radiant with God’s love. They were indeed God’s people, immensely loved and
radically forgiven. All I felt was a deep sameness, a profound communion with
all people, an exhilarating sense of brotherhood and sisterhood.

I am convinced
that it is this joy-the joy of being the same as others, of belonging to one
human family-that allows us to die well. I do not know how I or anyone else
could be prepared to die if we were mainly concerned about trophies we had
collected during our best years. The great gift hidden in our saying is the
gift of unity with all people. However different we are, we were all born
powerless, as we all die powerless, and the little differences we live in
between dwindle in the light of this enormous truth. Often this human truth is
presented as a reason to be sad. It is not seldom called a “sobering truth”.
Our greatest challenge is to discover this truth as a source of immense joy
that will set us free to embrace our mortality with the awareness that we will
make our passage to new life in solidarity with all the people of the earth.

A good death is
a death in solidarity with others. To prepare ourselves for a good death, we
must develop or deepen this sense of solidarity. If we live toward death as
toward an event that separates us from people, death cannot be other than a sad
and sorrowful event. But if we grow in awareness that our mortality, more than
anything else, will lead us into solidarity with others, then death can become
a celebration of our unity with the human race. Instead of separating us from
others, death can unite us with others; instead of being sorrowful, it can give
rise to new joy; instead of simply ending life, it can begin something new.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude". Martin Luther King Jr.

The following is passage from Jean Vanier's book, "Becoming Human". This section is taken from the final chapter on, "Forgiveness".
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To forgive is to break
down the walls of hostility that separate us, and to bring each other out of
the anguish of loneliness, fear, and chaos into communion and oneness. This
communion is born from mutual trust and acceptance, and the freedom to be
ourselves in our uniqueness and beauty, the freedom to exercise our gifts. We
are no longer contained and held back by fear, prejudices, or the need to prove
ourselves.

So the sense of
belonging that is necessary for the opening of our hearts is born when we walk
together, needing each other, accompanying one another whether we are weak or
strong, capable or not. This belonging will not bring feelings or superiority
if we are walking towards inner freedom. It will not seek to exclude but to
include the weak, the needy, and the different, for they have a secret power
that opens up people’s hearts and leads them to compassion and mutual trust.
This belonging becomes a song of gratitude for each one of us.

Of course, all this
takes time. But are we not all called to take this journey if we want to become
fully human, to conquer divisions and oppression, and to work for peace? If each
one of us today begins this journey and has the courage to forgive and be
forgiven, we will no longer be governed by past hurts. Wherever we may be-in
our families, our work places, with friends, or in places of worship or of
leisure-we can rise up and become agents of a new land. But let us not put our
sights too high. We do not have to be saviours of the world! We are simply
human beings, enfolded in weakness and in hope, called together to change our
world one heart at a time.

Friday, October 9, 2015

"Being human is difficult. Becoming a human is a life long process. To be truly human is a gift." Abraham Heschel

The following is a passage from Jean Vanier's book, "Becoming Human". This section is taken from the chapter, "The Path to Freedom".
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To be free is to know
who we are, with all that is beautiful, all the brokenness in us; it is to love
our own values, to embrace them, and to develop them; it is to be anchored in a
vision and a truth but also to be open to others and, so, to change. Freedom
lies in discovering that the truth is not a set of fixed certitudes but a
mystery we enter into, one step at a time. It is a process of going deeper and
deeper into an unfathomable reality.

In this journey of
integrating our experience and our values, and of what we might learn we listen
to others, there may be a period of anguish. We need to find links between the
old and the new, links that will permit the integration of new,
consciousness-expanding truths into what we already know and are living-our existing
certitudes. As human sciences develop and the world evolves, we are called to
grow into a new and deeper understanding of the source of the universe and of
life. As we participate in this, our sense of the true expands. Freedom is to
be in awe of this source, of the beauty and diversity of people, and of the
universe. It is to contemplate the height and breadth of all that is true.

Freedom is to accept
that when we belong to a group, a race, a tribe, a family, a community, a
religion, that none of these are perfect, that each has its limits and
weaknesses. Every community of humans has its light and its darkness. We are
all part of something greater than ourselves. We all flow from a source that is
unfathomable and we are all journeying towards it, carrying with us the light
of truth and love. Each of us is called to be in communion with the source and
heart of the universe. The infinite yearnings of our hearts are calling us to
be in communion with the infinite. None of us can be satisfied with the limited
and finite. Each cone must be free to follow the Spirit of God.

And this freedom is for
love and compassion, to give our lives more totally and more freely to others.
It is the freedom to be kind and patient. This freedom does not seek personal honours;
it believes all, hopes all, bears all, and endures all. Freedom does not judge
or condemn but understands and forgives. Freedom is the liberation from all
those inner fears and inhibitions and that we need to ask forgiveness of those
we have hurt.

There is a freedom that
I sense exists but that I do not have. I cannot always describe it but I do
want it. I sense I still have a long road to walk in order to reach this
freedom. I see the goal but I am not yet there. I love and want it but
sometimes I am frightened on the road I must take.

I am frightened of the
disappearance of my walls of defense, sensing that behind them there is an
anguish and a vulnerability that will rise up. I see that I still cling to what
people think of me and am fed by the way people love, want, and admire me. If
all that fell away, who would I be? But that is where freedom lies, the freedom
to be rejected, if that is the path I am to take in order to live more fully.
Is that not the freedom that Jesus announces in his charter of the Beatitudes,
when he says, “Woe to you when people speak well of you”?

Friday, August 28, 2015

The last entry looked at how we as humans can use strength and weakness to live with others. Becoming human is a struggle of finding your strength in weakness. For the following entry I would like to look at belonging and what it means to belong. Living in Canada this can be a difficult task because of the multicultural environment we find ourselves living in. Toronto is culturally the most diverse city in the world. What does it mean to belong?

Belonging, like anything else, can be a place of opening up as well as a place of closing in. It is a place where we discover what makes our humanity. Family, language, humanhood, culture, food, communication, love and respect for others sums up this notion of belonging. If we accept this then we must accept that at the heart of belonging, is the fact that, we have received our existence from others and need to grow and develop as individuals, physically, psychologically, and humanly.

Let's use the example of a child to see how a child can become a product of the society that we build around ourselves. Belonging is not an individual act but involves an entire group. The child goes to school, shares in the life of the community, and discovers a wider sense of belonging with others from the same city, region, country, religion, language and culture. Sometimes the child meets people who are different, strangers, people with disabilities, immigrants, people from different religious backgrounds etc. The child will quickly pick up, through the adults attitude whether such people are to be accepted and loved or ignored, or even ostracized because they do not belong. And so from a young age we learn, without realizing it, that those who are different, those who standout, are either acceptable or dangerous.

When a child acquires a language and learns how to relate to adults, to friends, to God, when he learns the customs and values that have been taught to him through his culture, how to deal with death, pain, sorrow, he cannot but think that what he has been taught is the only way of being and living. As children we learn that there is a right way and a wrong way of doing everything. We do not ask questions instead, we obey. As we grow to adulthood we begin to questions the values learned during our childhood. This is why many adults and youth go through a crisis of faith and of trust. Belonging begins from day one. We must constantly seek to grow our humanity by accepting everyone as a human being. "Differences" should never be a factor in accepting others. Let us cultivate a society that nurtures the ideals of love and acceptance no matter how one looks, talks, or eats. To be a human is to belong and to belong is to love all without any pretext or conditions. Love is at the heart of belonging and once we belong to a community we learn to love unconditionally.