Things That Make Me Feel Like I Have My Shit Together

A lot of times, my boyfriend and I will do adult things and then high five each other for being responsible. Not adult as in pornographic or sexually explicit, but “YO DAWG THIS IS A BALANCED MEAL RIGHT HERE WITH VEGETABLES AND EVERYTHING” instead of eating Hot Pockets or dinosaur chicken nuggets. Here’s a list of shit that I do that makes me feel like I have my life together.

Moisturizing

Putting my clothes away

Paying bills on time

Eating Right

Going to the gym more than 2 days a week.

Charging my phone adequately.

Putting on eye cream before bed so I don’t get wrinkles

Returning someone’s phone call

Not falling into a buzzfeed k-hole and actually getting work done

Remembering to bring the reusable bags to the grocery store, sticking to the budget and buying healthy foods

Bringing lunch to work and not eating out every day which leads to…

Having more than $20 left at my next payday

Buying Christmas presents before December 22nd.

Knowing my way around well enough to avoid traffic if one route is congested

Having a linen closet with clean towels and sheets

Not playing “what’s that smell” in my house.

Things that make me feel like a fantastic failure at this experiment called adulthood…

Being Broke Way Too Fucking Much

Seriously, where is my money

Did someone take it? Because it’s gone.

Eating Sonic for lunch like 3 days a week just so I can escape my office for a little while

Forgetting/not caring about my laundry in the washing machine and leaving it to get stinky for days and then having to re-wash it.

Forgetting someone’s birthday

STILL HAVING GODDAMN ACNE SERIOUSLY

Comparing my life to other people’s projected happiness on FB and feeling like I’m not measuring up or meeting my milestones whatsoever

Having the “did I remember to bring the FedEx envelopes to the drop-box” panic attack at like 10 PM at home because I forget all the time and don’t want to fuck up important shit at work

Still not good at putting on makeup.

Still don’t like to wear heels, wearing sneakers 99% of the time.

Giving in to the fact that I will indeed listen to shit music and watch Kardashians.