Thoughts from the interface of science, religion, law and culture

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

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Wingnut: Obama Threatened to Kill Roberts’ Kids!

The wingnuts have a problem, you see. Until last week, John Roberts was their golden boy, the champion of all that is right and good in America. And now? Well, now they must explain his apostasy and his treasonous actions. Here’s the best explanation yet — and let me stress, this site is not a parody.

How could John Roberts side with the liberals? The individual mandate is so clearly unconstitutional – even to a layperson – how could it be?

Kind of like a Vince Flynn book. Someone got to Roberts. I bet they got to him and told him he has to vote this way or members of his family – kids, wife, parents, whoever – were going to be killed.

Later this afternoon, it’s going to come out that Roberts was coerced. A Secret Service agent overheard Obama and Axelrod discussing the Roberts blackmail. He managed to get them on tape discussing it. Later this afternoon, the whole story will come out, Roberts will issue his REAL opinion, and Obama and Axelrod will be taken away in handcuffs.

Yep, that totally happened! The rest of the post really should be read, though. He goes all stream-of-consciousness, just spouting one weird one-liner after another.

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Later this afternoon, it’s going to come out that Roberts was coerced. A Secret Service agent overheard Obama and Axelrod discussing the Roberts blackmail. He managed to get them on tape discussing it. Later this afternoon, the whole story will come out, Roberts will issue his REAL opinion, and Obama and Axelrod will be taken away in handcuffs.

It’s true! The voices in my head told me so!

The best part of that blog post is, when I opened it up, right in the middle of his rants was an ad for a Medicare supplement.

Its my belief that wingnuts like this fella derive sexual pleasure from conspiracy theories like this. Rather than use pornography to drive their masturbatory fantasies, they use their mind’s image of Obama in handcuffs.

It reminds me of the 9/11 conspiracy episode of South Park. Summary: turns out the attacks were carried out by al Qaida, but the conspiracy was that there *was* a conspiracy that the government did it. Because even though the government doesn’t really have the power or inclination to do it, there’s utility in having people *think* it is so.

Except in this situation, there’s a bit of a reversal: It’s the people who oppose our current president who have the most to gain from spreading the notion that the president has the power to blackmail federal judges and assassinate bloggers.

Yes, Wingnuts, the President of the United States apparently had enough power and influence to threaten Chief Justice Robert’s family with death, had the influence to make him believe the threat and not report it, and then ensure that the Chief Justice voted the way he wanted. Then, despite having all this diabolical power and criminal prowess made all the moves in question with a Secret Service Agent, and one who apparently wasn’t part of the conspiracy, PRESENT and then DOESN’T HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP THAT SECRET SERVICE AGENT FROM REPORTING IT. Then, despite all that Snidely Whiplash mustache-twirling genius, POTUS will then somehow be able to avoid keeping himself getting arrested (or impeached for that matter).

That makes perfect sense. Much more sense than the Individual Mandate being treated as a tax because a politically pragmatic Chief Justice didn’t want to completely undo decades of constitutional jurisprudence.

I’m constantly tempted to adopt a new policy for people like this: when they bring up insane stuff like this, I’ll just laugh in their face. As obnoxiously and dismissively as possible. Engaging them is giving them way to much credit, a sort of a “good on your CV, not so good on mine” approach.

The amusing thing is that the gentlemen in question who wrote this is now trying to spin it as satire. Of course, that’s better than actually believing this crap, but it still means that you’re a shitty writer who can’t figure out how to write effective satire.

This story is dated June 28th so I’m going to assume that someone got to the person that had the tape, right?

Obama used the time machine he built so he can go and plant the fake birth certificate and publish his own birth announcement in the Hawaii papers, to kill the secret service man’s great grandfather so he wouldn’t be born and therefore there will be no recording of him planing to kill Roberts’ kids.

This confirms again the existence of a point of no return in cognitive dissonance. Beyond that point a person becomes so invested in a belief that all contrary evidence instead strengthens their belief in a conspiracy.

Like the birthers. An average person wonders “is Obama eligible to be president?” and reasons “if he weren’t, the Federal Election Commission wouldn’t have let him stand for election”. A less average person says “I want to see the birth certificate myself”, but is satisfied on seeing it. The true nutcase, however, sees it and says “that must be a fake” – because obviously they already know their conspiracy theory is true, so all evidence to the contrary must be fake, and merely adds fuel to their theory.

With an ad for in-home care for Medicare recipients and another for AARP Medicare supplemental coverage in the article, I’ll bet the author Harry is on Medicare and really likes his single-payer governmental health program. He’s just opposed to others having such benefits.

Another example of this type of thinking is the Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists. Point out any evidence that points to Oswald and their response is that it was planted or manufactured by the police and the FBI.

Obama threatened Justice Roberts on the facts of Roberts & wife’s adoption that was illegal, so Roberts went along & agreed with obama under to

Chief Justice Roberts was threatned by Obama-Axelrod that they were going to disclose the illegal adoption that Roberts & wife did. So justice roberts agreed with obamas health care plan to cover his ass!! Look into it & see what I say is true.

Obama threatened Justice Roberts on the facts of Roberts & wife’s adoption that was illegal, so Roberts went along & agreed with obama under to

Chief Justice Roberts was threatned by Obama-Axelrod that they were going to disclose the illegal adoption that Roberts & wife did. So justice roberts agreed with obamas health care plan to cover his ass!! Look into it & see what I say is true.

That’s the not the way it works. You have the obligation to validate what you claim is objectively true rather than suggest others, “look into it”; so please, have at it.

The fact is, there is zero evidence what you claim is true. If I’m wrong, provide a citation empirically and independently validating what you assert is in fact true. Because you can’t since no such evidence exists, this leads us to question your character, intelligence, and motivation for defaming both the president and the chief justice. Where that evidence is not in your favor.

One would first have to show that there was something non-kosher about the adoption in the first place. Winquist fails to provide a jot or a tittle of evidence for that assertion. Until he can do that, his theory is crap.