Because this green thing—no way, it has none of those. It is the Vietnam-era uncle staring with disdain at his nephew who's currently refilling his vape pen and possibly Snapchatting someone. It is General John J. Pershing figuring out how to ride a hoverboard. And if you live in central Texas, it could be yours: your ultimate, rarefied off-road rig that might be the only thing keeping Austin truly weird.

This 280GE, built in 1980 by Steyr-Daimler-Puch AG, was purchased by the current owner in February 2003. He eventually wound up spending $20,000 replacing and customizing damn near everything: the 2.8-liter straight-six engine is out of a W123-generation 280CE coupe, the 5-inch lift kit is custom, the rear bumper with jerry can carrier is custom (but the cans, for some reason, are not included). The hose-down, bedliner-soaked interior comes with a Maglite, a fire extinguisher, optional jump seats and CB radio, and a tin of Altoids.

Insert all your zombie apocalypse cliches here. Fuel cans not included with sale, for some reason.

Photos copyright Bryan Brah 2016

All this go-anywhere West German attitude can be yours for a mere $16,000. "I'm only selling because I'm upgrading to diesel and don't have the heart to do a conversion on this old girl," says Bryan, the owner.

Next to it, the $245,325 G65 AMG with its handbuilt 6.0-liter twin-turbo V12 looks all East Asian knock-off, all Megablox to the old-school Legos whose pieces still fit. It's the price of a Des Moines condo, and shaped like one too. If that sounds harsh, it may be because this G-wagen gets by with half the cylinders but nearly all of its original intent. And if it's important to respect your elders, then this 280GE demands tribute.

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