Monday, October 1, 2012

For far too long now we have been subjected to ad after ad depicting
our two choices for president as evil or eloquent. We have been asked
to fight against each other, brother against brother...sister against
sister all in the hopes of dividing the nation. I am disheartened that
it’s working.

I am a Christian, Conservative woman. I don’t believe in
abortion, redistribution of money or big government. I believe that
Christianity is under attack in our country, too many people are without
jobs and on welfare and the state of our union is an utter mess. I
don’t believe that Obama created the entire mess, but I don’t believe
his policies have helped us dig our way out of a recession that the
economists keep telling us we aren’t in anymore. Have you seen the cost
of food? Gas? Clothes? Did you get that pay increase this year?
Last? The year before?

I tell you these things about me not to initiate a spark in the long
political fuse that’s just waiting to explode; rather to make a point
with as little bias as humanely possible, but made with honesty.
This election is far bigger than lost or gained jobs, greater than
the amount of people on government assistance of any and all kinds,
larger than the Christians versus the Atheists’ or the Muslims versus
the Christians. It’s bigger than pro-choice or pro-life, far larger
than the right to free contraceptives, greater than incomes and illegal
immigrants, taxes and loop holes, middle class and minorities, Wall
Street and Union big wigs. Indeed ladies and gentlemen, my fellow
Americans, Patriots, neighbors and friends...this election is about the
integrity of Our United States. Ours...yours and mine, his and hers, all of ours!

Often over the last four years, regardless of which “side” you’re on,
you’ve been subjected to the word “Socialism.” Does anyone really know
what it means? Webster’s Dictionary defines Socialism as:
1: any of various economic and political theories advocating
collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of
production and distribution of goods.

To be fair, President Obama has clearly never called himself a
socialist, so perhaps screaming socialism could be considered a scare
tactic by the Right; instead, I will state that his policies of tax and
redistribution are very reminiscent of socialism. Currently, our nation
is a Capitalistic nation. Webster’s Dictionary defines Capitalism as
the following:

1 : an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital
goods, by investments that are determined by private decision, and by
prices, production, and the distribution of goods that are determined
mainly by competition in a free market

So I ask you...are you a Socialist or a Capitalist? This question is
fundamental because I don’t believe everyone fully understands what
their vote may mean come November. I’m afraid that people will vote
party lines or over small ideological ideas instead of the bigger
picture and once your bet is placed and the dice is thrown it’s a done
deal.

While 47% of the country may not pay taxes and 46 million people may
be on food stamps, I have a hard time believing that most of those
people wouldn’t want to prosper. I’m sure there are some that have an
entitlement mentality and enjoy the system. However, I believe there are
many more that have humility on the system and are only waiting for a
break to get out. Do you want an opportunity to do better, make more,
live larger? Or do you want someone to dictate to you how your life
needs to be lived? Just look at New York and Mayor Bloomberg. He has
banned large soda and is currently locking up baby formula to force
mothers to nurse. Do you still believe in the American dream? Did you
ever believe? Or are you too envious of those that have already
achieved, wanting theirs instead because it’s easier?

There is a difference between equality and equally poor. Everyone
worries about the middle class, but with socialism...there are no
classes. You may look at the things that government controls right now
and think to yourself...it doesn’t affect me. But what happens when it
does? What happens when the decision has been made and you no longer
have a voice? What happens when the government gets so big that your ideology gets lost in the new rules? Who will you scream to when it’s against your will? What affects others will eventually affect us all in one way or another.

As Americans, we are at an impasse. Which road do we travel? The
road of uncertainty beyond what we’ve seen overseas? Or do we travel
the road that has been paved for us so many years ago? Have we
forgotten those men that laid down their lives in pajamas and untied
boots to secure our freedom? Are we going to ignore the men and
women today that carry on the fight to keep our original and amazing
nation intact. Are we so willing to let it go, forgetting those that
have already done that deed and sacrificed so much?

We once declared independence from an over-taxing, unfair and larger than life King.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created
equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of
Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are
instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the
governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of
these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it,
and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such
principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem
most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence,
indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be
changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience
hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are
sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which
they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and
usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to
reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their
duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their
future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these
Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter
their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of
Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all
having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over
these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.”
There are no more continents to try again. We must stay true to our
founding. Indeed my fellow Americans we must set aside our differences
for the sake of our country. This election is not a vote for any
man. It isn’t a vote to save abortion or a vote to demolish it. It
isn’t a vote to create more jobs or keep Medicare intact. It isn’t
whether the Unions will keep their bargaining rights or whether we
become Right to Work states. It isn’t Republicans against Democrats or
Liberals, Right or Left wing conspiracies or who landed the best
commercial spot this week. I’m not suggesting some of these things are
not important or that we shouldn’t be concerned about their outcomes. I
am merely suggesting there is something bigger to be considered first.

Because if we fail to recognize it...if we choose to turn our heads
and hope it doesn't happen...all of those other things won’t matter.
This is a vote for the foundation of our country. It's a vote for your voice and mine. Vote your conscience not your conviction to any particular party.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

There was a time when, as women, we respected ourselves enough not to give our goods away for the promise of a go to buddy when we felt lonely. Now a days it's all about the act of making love, but the truth is, it isn't love or even like for that matter. Our morality is crashing down around us and we are the decay in the foundation of said morality. I suppose if we don't care about our own reputations, at the very least we should care about our daughters. We are inadvertently dragging them down to the depths of dismal self-respect with us as we partake in the forbidden fruit...friends with benefits and the like.

As a woman who did the online dating thing for four years and wrote a book about it the subject no longer shocks me, but it does sadden me. If even as adults we don't know better...how do we expect our children to? If we don't have the capacity to claim respect for ourselves, we certainly won't be teaching them how to.

Sex is a big deal and it needs to be treated as such; not just by our teenagers, but by ourselves. We need to talk to our children! Step up and stop waiting for someone else to do it...someone else isn't vested in your children...but you should be! Why are we letting our kids make these kinds of monumental decisions for themselves? We give them the tools to take advantage of sexual situations by allowing them to go to their rooms with the opposite sex, stay out till all hours of the night and not tell us where they're going. We need numbers, destination addresses and parental partnerships where you actually know the name and have met your daughter or sons friends mother/father.

Sex has always been a lure from one generation to the next be it from peer pressure or merely curiosity, but you don't have to make it so easy to achieve for them. We just need to slow our days down, pay attention, talk and realize that respect doesn't change from one generation to the next...at least it shouldn't! It's okay to go against the grain of the "toleration" generation and just say no!

Realize that what you do in your own life, especially if you are divorced and dating does have an affect on the way your child experiences the world and what they will deem as acceptable behavior. You don't have to have sex to snag someone special, in fact, if you wait it turns out to be much more rewarding and honest in the end...I speak from experience. It may seem condescending to give a reminder to adults that should have and may have been given this same reminder years ago, but it's warranted because we've forgotten. Even as adults, we seem to be confused about our roles in the world so I'm here to tell you it's still okay to say no! I realize we live in a quick gratification society, but I promise you there is nothing gratifying about being used. Besides, sex and quick should never be used in the same sentence...just sayin.

Let's get back to basics for ourselves and our children. Being able to admit that you've been doing it wrong and demanding respect for yourself rather than a one-night stand is what makes you an adult and being able to demand it from and for your children is what makes you an exceptional parent.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Somewhere a long the lines women lost sight of dress code etiquette when trying to entice the male species. Sadly, today it starts at a much younger age. I haven't decided if that's because the divorce rate is so high and so many of us middle agers are out there dressed to kill...your reputation that is.

There is an inappropriateness to our dating dress code and we've seemed to have made it a trend. Not always by dressing that way ourselves. Sometimes it's simply by allowing our daughters to dress that way. Are they imitating us? Or are we imitating them? Either way it's the wrong message!

What ever happened to "leave a little to the imagination," or "why buy the cow, if you get the milk for free?" Yes they are old fashioned, but sometimes old fashioned is a good thing! For instance grandmas chicken soup for that common cold. We need to get back to the basics again both in our own wardrobe and those we are passing our feminine torches to...our daughters.

There is nothing more unappealing than a forty-something (keep in mind I'm a forty-something) sitting at a bar with her boobs on display. It wreaks of desperation ladies. Now before someone goes postal on me for my views...know that I always speak from experience...in other words...there was a time when it was my boobs at the bar.

There is equally nothing more unappealing than the 15 year old dressed for homecoming in a skirt short enough to display her...eh em...daisy. For God sake...if she bends over the whole world will know her business.

We are collectively sending a message and not so subtly I might add. I wonder if it is really our intentions to sink that low and why we feel like we have to? I'm not suggesting that we put a penny between our knees when we sit down with our dates or during school. Nor am I talking turtlenecks in July. However, keeping the parts protected for a little while...you'll find...will give you more power than you know. And should you snag the bachelor you've been eyeballing...what a prize he will have waiting for him when you are ready!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

So sorry to my readers that I've been gone for so long! Planning and actually following trough with a wedding...MY wedding to be exact is quite taxing. Moving in the man stuff, the man and his little man...even more taxing! It's not that I'm not completely happy and content, it's simply that the euphoria of dreaming about being under the same roof has become a reality and a balancing act of independence and shared space. Another blog subject perhaps??

On the writing front, I am just now getting back into the swing of things and I've missed my clicking keys so much! Really pushing to finish "The Pendant of Promise" a love story for you hopeless romantics, as well as a book of poetry with photography that's been in the making for 4 years. Man how time flies!

On the dating front, which I am no longer a part of...THANK GOD...I see that Match.com has moved to the next level by hosting singles events. Good for them! It may not eliminate the perpetual liar or player, but it should cut down the online stalkers who never leave the glow of their computer screens. It's a step in the right direction I think!

I'll be posting again tomorrow. I just wanted everyone to know I'm alive and well :)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

It's more than customary to move past the online avenue and meet in person for a drink these days, but take that social sip with caution. You really don't know the person past a few casuals email conversations or phone calls and although your intentions may be pure...theirs may not be.

It may seem like meeting at the local watering hole is safe enough, however, having even one drink may do more than just calm those "meeting someone new" nerves. In fact, drinking has the potential to lead to poor decision making skills; ones that might leave you wondering "What was I thinking" or worse yet...your friends wondering "Where is he/she?" I can't tell you how many "I wish I didn't do that" testimonies I've been told during my time as an online dater...and dare I say, I've regretfully said it myself once or twice.

If you really want to see if you've made a love connection, go as your sober self and expect the same from your suitor. Have a cup of Joe, latte or a tea and get to know the real deal you're thinking about dating. People are different when they've had a drink, isn't the objective to get to know each other better? A cup of coffee may seem a bit boring, but you've got plenty of time to kick up your heels and party with your new partner...should they be "the one."

If you can't get your date to respond with a resounding "yes" to the "no drink" request for your first date, then say no thanks and keep searching. Someone who is a serious searcher and moreover, seriously interested in you, would be respectful enough to honor your wishes without making you feel like you've already disappointed them.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

I received an email last week from a woman who felt a sense of vindication for her actions with online dating, after she read my book. It gave me a sense of pride that I was able to touch her in a healing way and yet a sense of sadness that someone else was caught in the www web...to her demise.

Like so many of us, she met the gentleman on a dating website and proceeded to form, what she thought was a relationship...or at least what she hoped would be one day. She openly admitted that most of the dates included him at her home for drinks and a dance in the sheets. She often times had reservations over his "busy" status and would ask him about his intentions, but he lied just good enough to make her doubt her own intuition. Feeling as though she might be missing something, she made a fake profile and sent him a flirt, to which he responded. Although disgusted with her new findings, she played the game for three days until she couldn't take it anymore and sent him a picture of the "real deal"...her picture on the fake profile. Needless to say, he was apologetic, just long enough to form some spin and spat back at her how horrible SHE was for her trickery.

Some more time passed and with her skepticism in tow she trudged through with a relationship, deep down she knew didn't exist. It was then that she accidentally received an email that was intended for his significant other...his wife! As if the marriage mis-information wasn't enough, she found out she was pregnant. Unsurprisingly, his only concern was that his family didn't find out.

It wasn't long before this Ms. found herself in the back of an ambulance for a burst ectopic pregnancy. With 4 liters of blood in her belly, impending surgery to remove her fallopian tube and to save her life, she held on to the belief that maybe he really cared. Unfortunately, his only concern remained concealing his adultery.

After two months off work and a whole lot of healing, she contacted him. The only thing he had to say for himself, was that he was grateful nobody came to the door throughout this ordeal. Let's just say, the optimism and hopefulness in her heart was smashed beyond recognition...along with her ability to trust.

I spoke with her via email for a bit, when she said to me "I realize this scenario is a bit extreme as far as online dating goes." But the truth is, it isn't extreme at all, the circumstances from the online dating, ie. the ectopic pregnancy might have been extreme, but not the deceit.

All too often, we are willing to forgo our misgivings and intuition to see our fairy-tales come to fruition, but our intuition is often times right on target. One of the biggest mistakes people tend to make is to allow themselves to become what wasn't the intention in the beginning, ie. a sex partner and the like, all with the hopes of a happy ending; and that means ignoring said intuition sometimes.

The moral of the story is simple...trust yourself. The minute you reject the red flags, you are relinquishing your control and are bound to be disappointed in the end. You're doing yourself a huge disservice that could possibly have disastrous consequences. If you aren't in a place where you're content with being alone, you aren't ready to be with someone else. And if you're dismissing the the red flags, you're not content.

I'm happy to report that this Ms. is well on the road to healing and that although it will be a bit before she signs back in, she's forgiven herself and accepted her denial, seeing it as the lesson that it was, rather than the mistake that we often times label it. After reading "I Could Write a Book," she sent this less than gentle man an email detailing her disappointment so she could turn the page and realize that it was okay to close this chapter in HER book.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Every so often I catch a Yahoo news article featuring online dating advice for the masses and I want to know...who's behind the BS? No offense, the articles are well articulated and to someone who's new to online dating or just thinking about the possibility of it, I'm sure it sounds like...well sound advice. (No pun intended). But I'm beginning to think the writer hasn't been exposed to the www woes of a serious searcher and is merely spewing his/her "in a perfect world" opinion.

The titles are usually aimed at women, and tout their "how to" on behavior, dress, body language and the like. Honestly, the only thing you need to know about online dating is that it's daunting...at best. So daunting, in fact, that I've recently published a book about it. "I Could Write a Book: So I thought I'd try online dating LOL," which incidentally, can be found on Amazon.com in both a printed and Kindle version. (Shameless plug).

This isn't to suggest that online dating never works, it does. However, if you're going to take a drive through that particular form of dating...which is thee twenty-first century form of dating...you better be wearing more than just a seat-belt. I drove that road for 3+ years and while I'm happy to say I'm engaged to be married this June, it was a bumpy ride at best. Of course, if I told you how I met my "Mr. Right" it might ruin the last chapter of my book, but let's just say it's a hopeful ending.

Back to the point of this particular blog post. Don't waste the five minutes it will take you to get through the Yahoo yellow brick road on dating advice, it doesn't apply trust me. Be true to yourself, is the soundest advice you'll get, along with know who you are! In other words, don't be so distressed about your single status that you're willing to attempt to shove your round personality into his square ideals...look outside the box! Know who you are is not a vague statement and requires much introspection if you're ever going to figure it out, especially if you're coming from a long term union of sorts. These are the precursors to all possibilities for online/offline or true blue love.

I will be using this blog primarily for questions and answers about the real twenty-first century relationship world and to post stories I receive via email. Sometimes they are horror stories, but those only make us realize that we're human and we all have them. Other times they will be "match" stories to give you hope through the mayhem online dating can often times become.

There will certainly be times when I occasionally veer off course; another plug of a new book, a book signing venue, a political gripe or society gaff that I feel the need to hold a written grudge against. But ultimately, I'd like this to be a place where the conned can congregate and the hopefuls can hover for a real "how to" answer to the many questions people often have on this particular subject.

Please feel free to email me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com or leave a comment. Until we meet again...happy dating!!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I've been so busy touting my book, but haven't left any links. If you would like to order my book, but are not from the U.S., go to the appropriate Amazon site for your country and type in my name: Karen Blaisdell. The book is available worldwide in Kindle version only.

If you are from Canada or the U.S. you also have the ability to purchase the book in printed format or Kindle at:

Just a quick catch you up on what's going on with my book. Sales are slow but steady, pretty much what I expected from a no name...me :) I do believe, whether slow or fast, it will eventually reach my target audience and do well.

I've been very encouraged by the emails I have received about the book from daters who feel dissed. It is bringing hope and a renewed sense of self, which to me is worth more than a race to see how many royalties I can collect. I've always loved helping people, from massage therapy to writing a quote that is well received or needed at that moment by someone.

This is why, when I received a recent email requesting I think about reaching out in a more tangible way ie. a question/answer column I gave it some serious thought. I have decided that I will utilize this blog on Friday's for online dating debacles. You can contact me at msoptimistic2@yahoo.com and I will anonymously post your question and my answer. There are a lot of things I have yet to learn in life, but I feel very confident in this category to answer questions from that chaotic world.

I will also take your stories, if you care to leave one. It could be uplifting, about how you met your mate online or your latest horror mishap. I believe even those have the ability to transform the way people view their online circumstances.

On a side note. Happy Valentines Day. Whatever you do, don't let ONE day send you into a depression over your single status. Instead, remember those in your life that give you love on a daily basis, even if it's your dog. A day does not a relationship make, it's all of the days that come before and after this Hallmark Holiday that really matter. So go buy yourself a piece of chocolate...because you can, then wish someone in your life: a child, father, mother, sister, brother or friend a Happy Valentines Day. It will make you feel good. Get on with your day because guess what...that's all it is...just another day.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

So the article in The Macomb Daily came out today and Maryanne did me proud! It's so surreal to see a picture of yourself in the paper, even if it's a local paper. It's also a bit embarrassing to read about about some of my online escapades in the newspaper. What makes the newspaper any different than the book? There's much more embarrassing stories in the book...so what gives? Maybe it's just something you have to get used to...someone printing an article about you that is.

I had my first book signing last night, which all in all was a great success. It would have been better had I actually had more than 5 copies on hand, but I'll be back there in two weeks with said copies. Everyone was very receptive and the owner of Club 54 was gracious and even bought a book! The hostess of the online dating bash was equally warm...I can see why she's the hostess.

All of that being said, last night was a stark reminder of why I am relieved that I'm getting married and off the dating scene. It also solidified for me just how lucky and blessed I am to have met the man I did. Funny how much more obvious the game players are when you aren't playing the game. There was a perfectly nice gentleman seriously searching who was captivated by an attractive 50 something female sitting in the corner with her female wing-woman. He didn't have enough confidence to approach her, so I did. "Oh honey, I only date 30 year olds" she told me. Now I have to be honest, getting up close I couldn't help but think to myself, "really?" I for one, don't know any thirty somethings that WOULD date her, but whatever. I bluntly asked her, "So you're just playing the field and not looking for anything serious?" "That's right" she spatted with pride. Made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

This was a "dating" party. It was meant for people to find someone. They have websites for sex, which is where these wayward souls belong until they get their shit together. Leave the serious searchers alone already!

Then there was Patti. Lovely seventy year old woman who was happily married to her soul-mate for thirty-two years, but sadly she lost him a few years back. She was a Christian woman, Catholic to be more specific, and had even tried Christian online dating sites. I must admit I wasn't too terribly surprised by her disgusted description of that site. "It was even worse than the rest of the sites I had tried." Why is finding someone so difficult? It's hard to believe that a seventy something would run in to non-serious-searchers at her age, but as I said in my book...age and gender bare no discrepancies in the online dating arena.

Patti left me with a beautiful scapula that had been blessed, and I felt blessed for the gift and for having an opportunity to meet Patti. Senior Match Making Service in the near future...possibly!

To any and all seriously searching...to every storm there is a sunrise, you just have to stand in the rain long enough to see the clouds part...and they will...eventually.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

I can't count on both hands and feet how many times I've heard that in the past month. I'm certainly no expert, but apparently once you've published a book...even a self-pubbed book, people want the magic answer HOW.

Truth is, I spent ample time...months upon months...studying, googling, inquiring that very same question before I was anywhere close to finishing my first book. I'm here to tell you, expert or not, STOP! It burdens the mind with a process that until you have all of your thoughts down on paper, are rather useless. It's not that informing yourself isn't necessary...it is, but the manuscript must exist before you need to know the in's and out's of publishing.

I was once told by one of my English Professors to take off my editors hat and just get it on paper. I found that to be extremely difficult! So difficult, in fact, that I wrote and rewrote the first seven chapters of my book more times than I care to remember. I would open up the files and re-read them every time I sat down to write, inevitably finding mistakes or wanting to re-word. I'm still not completely over my addiction to "get it right" the first time around.

Trust me when I tell you, you will not get it right the first time around or the twentieth time around and taking a break from any particular chapter breaths new life into it when you open it later...much later! Get it out of your brain and onto paper, THEN worry about the periods and paragraphs. I don't mean to preach to the choir, I know it's difficult...just buckle down and do it!

As far as proofreading, editing, formatting, typesetting, cover, publishing, marketing. Leave it at the door until you have your first rough draft complete, then you can start to gear up to google the answers. You'll be much further ahead if you do this, although if you're anything like me...a.d.d. when it comes to writing...you'll veer off every once in a while and look anyway, just try not to stay too long.

If you've always wanted to write a book...write it! There's nothing stopping us now with easy access to self-publishing. Whether it's for posterity, self-satisfaction or you're shooting for the NYT Bestseller List...the only way to get it done is to start writing...so stop reading this and other articles about how to write a book and get to work!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I currently have five other books I'm working on...or should I say I have to work on. The tricky part is figuring out which one to finish first. As if that's not bad enough, it seems every day I run into something else that inspires another book idea. Are all writers like that?

I started a fictional love story some three years ago and read the chapters to my mother as I finished them. I'm up to chapter 9. I'm not certain exactly how many chapters it will take to get to the end, but the outline of the book is complete. It just depends on how much meat and potatoes I use to fill in all of the blanks. I'm thinking it will end up around 25 to 45...vast I know lol.

Since the day I last saved something to that particular part of my thumb drive, my mother and godmother have been bugging me to finish it. "I have to know how it ends!" Of course I offered to give them the ending, but being the die hard readers they are...they wouldn't hear of it. I'm in a bit of a quandary though. Do I finish that book or start the next book in the series I just published. What to do...what to do?

I opened those dusty old files and read them over the weekend. Now that I've re-read it, I feel the need to finish it myself. Of course, it doesn't help that I let my fiance read it and now I have him begging me for the ending either. I think my goal will be to finish the fictional love story within the next four months and to start and finish the next book in the series by the end of this year...if we're all still here that is...it is 2012 afterall :)

Truth is, every day I find something I want to write about. There seems to be inspiration in everything these days. I do tend to write better when something tragic happens in my life. Not necessarily death by any stretch of the imagination, more something that stirs the pot so to speak. Must be the whole depressed artist thing who knows. Think about it. Some of our greatest writers or greatest literary pieces have been done by tortured souls. There's something to be said for sadness.

The only problem with all of this inspiration is the fact that sometimes, when you have so much you want to write, you don't write anything. It's hard to start when you have starting points all over the place...it clutters the mind. I once had an accomplished author tell me that you have to be working on more than one piece at a time to be successful. I wonder if that's true? I don't think everyone writes the same way...and by the same way I mean protocol not actual words. What works for one author may not work for the next; or maybe I'm just not ready to admit that I don't know how to work that way...yet.

I know one thing for certain, I must start writing SOMETHING. I'm getting married this year...love abounds! That settles it, love story it is :) the jilted forty somethings will have to wait for the sequel...now off of this blog and on to my thumb drive!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The local bar called my future Publicist today and asked that we attend this weekends online dating bash for some book signing. She was quite excited to host the event, which made me feel great. Then the realization that I needed to actually ORDER the books came to mind and panic set in. I frantically logged in to my page to see how fast I could get them and wouldn't you know it, I can't...ughh. Such a newbie mistake, I certainly couldn't call and cancel.

You have to be quick minded to master marketing, so we changed it from a book signing to a "meet the author" night. I hold in my hand three printed copies of my book, ahhh the golden ticket. I had more, but I've sold them...that's the point right? In any event, we are going to take advance orders for the book and I'll ship them out signed to those who order that evening. For those that would rather wait, there will be flyers with information on them for future ordering, but here's the kicker. Names of those that have placed orders will be picked from a bowl once an hour and who ever is picked will get to take his/her signed copy home that night. Not bad for a newbie, if I don't say so myself...at least I'm hoping it isn't lol. It could add some fun to the night anyway.

For someone that has suffered from panic disorder, all of this chaos is starting to catch up to me. Turns out juggling work, family, school (my schooling that is), writing and marketing is...well...a lot to manage. As I left school today, I went and paid my taxes like a good citizen, picked my car up from the shop, came home and cleaned, made dinner, primped for the newspaper photographer coming to my home and set-up my first event for my new book, not bad for a day's work. Then I started to wonder...

Can I handle success? In other words...when I finished writing this book, I couldn't wait to get it on the market. I really believed with everything I am...although I'm sure most do of their works...that it was good stuff so to speak. I didn't have visions of grandeur, like becoming famous with just one book, but I did believe it would be received well by some. I still believe that. It's timely material and fits right in to the 21st century, but now instead of worrying that I won't be successful, I'm starting to worry that I might be successful lol.

Ponder this for a moment. Nobody teaches you how to handle success, only failure. You fall off your bike the first time, you get back on and try again. You lost the softball game, but you played your best etc. No one ever teaches you how to handle the outcome of success and it can be daunting. Let's delve deeper into the mind of a writer shall we...

My name is Karen Blaisdell. I've always been Karen Blaisdell, even when I was married. I was born and will forever be, Karen Blaisdell. I have two teenage boys, a great supportive family, a loving fiance and great step-son. I have a good job, am sending myself through college and have a comfortable, what I consider beautiful, home and I'm happy. I am for all intents and purposes blessed. However, that Karen Blaisdell and Karen Blaisdell the author are two different things completely or at least they have the potential to be. Do I have to choose or can I be both? How do you handle success when all you've ever had to handle was standard stuff? It's not that I haven't had successes in my life, but those were private and this is public. I guess, like anything else in life, only time will tell.

Monday, February 6, 2012

It seems my mind is reeling on a day to day basis about avenues for marketing. My dating profile has been officially deleted...thank God! It did provide me with that opportunity for a possible book signing event, we'll see if the bar owner replies.

I received a call from another local paper today, this one a bit bigger than the last, although they are affiliated. I was sure not to say ANYTHING about women so that it couldn't be construed as bi-sexual tendencies j/k. The journalist was extremely thorough, which means my neurosis will be displayed in all it's glory. Now I can ponder in my obsessive way if I've said too much, not enough or something insanely stupid and worry till it prints on Sunday. Yes, I really do think that way lol.

I also had coffee with a dear friend from my past today, who has traveled the non-profit PR road and is quite good at it! Maybe a cup of Joe and a conversation with an old friend will entice her to be my Publicist, we shall see! She's got a contagious personality and no shame when it comes to plugging her promotions, she's just the ticket. On top of that, a heart of gold that anyone would be grateful to have in their lives.

Funny, you dream about writing your book and you write and rewrite until the whites of your eyes are red and you can recite it word for word without ever cracking open your thumb drive; all with the intent of publishing one day and hoping to see it a success. I think if any of us thought about the marketing aspect of it too much, we'd write it and it would stay on our thumb drive for personal accomplishment purposes only. It's not that I mind the marketing aspect, I kind of like the challenge. I'm just wondering who I can talk in to finishing my Humanities homework for me so that I can finish my marketing for the day lol.

Next stop, a lecture on lines, shapes and colors followed by six quizzes to be finished by 6am tomorrow morning; followed by the more mundane vacuum and dusting of only the necessary nooks and crannies for the newspapers picture tomorrow and a bite for dinner before bed. The life of a mother, writer, college student is never done!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

So...as stated in my last blog, we (and by we I mean me and my fiance) decided that it was a good idea for me to make a profile on a dating website and try to market from it. Can you say EPIC FAIL! Besides the fact that it was completely uncomfortable and felt...well wrong! It's just not working out in real life, the way it did in my head.

For starters, even though I wrote what I was there for across my profile page, the men are not READING the profile before they send me an email and it's becoming problematic, annoying and an instant reminder of why I held reservations about marketing in this manner. To add insult to injury, I did type out another medium winded email to a woman who had yet another "online dating's been a bitch" banner, "Serious searchers only please" and again told her why I was there. Well it's been twenty four hours and she never responded...dissed by my own gender OUCH! I'd of even taken a "F*ck off" just for the response lol.

In any event, I decided I couldn't use this avenue. It's too time consuming, too weird having men email me and too reminiscent of things I don't care to remember lol. So I logged in yesterday and searched for the "delete my account" button, which they don't make easy to find, nor to finish. You have to answer several questions when you DO finally find the delete button before your account can actually be deleted. Unfortunately, there is one thing they've changed since my dating days, you can't delete your account for a full twenty-four hours...heavy sigh.

In the interim, my inbox was inundated with email after email of men who could care less to read what I wrote, but finally, a diamond in the dating dust. I received an email from the hostess...yes you read that right HOSTESS ie. woman, about a party next Saturday night at a local bar for this particular website. Ahhh jackpot!! Book signing opportunity maybe? You can be certain I'll be calling the manager of said bar today :)

Of course I did try to email the HOSTESS, to see if I could set-up a few book signings for their next events, but...

Friday, February 3, 2012

So, after a lengthy discussion with my fiance, we've decided that my target audience (those online dating) has to be reached. The theories on just how to do that abound, but the most efficient and inexpensive ie. free would be for me to make a dating profile ughh.

I've been thinking about it now for a few weeks, each time rolling my eyes and feeling my shoulders tighten at the very thought! It makes me extremely uncomfortable to enter that world again in any capacity, ESPECIALLY since I'm taken. Me being the woman I am, would NEVER allow my fiance to make a profile, regardless of its content or reason. Of course, that's one of the many reasons I love this man to begin with...so incredibly laid back...me on the other hand...yeah not so much!

I know if my mother knew I was thinking about doing it she'd give me the whole "young lady" lecture, but what is one to do when they are trying to reach an audience?

Nevertheless, I logged in this a.m. and created a profile...heavy sigh. It felt just as bad as I thought it would feel. I made it very clear that I was not looking and used the "about me" section to my advantage...plugging my book. I read through the rules of said site and took note of the "don't cut and paste emails or they will be blocked" section. Boy I have a lot of typing a head of me!

Of course, my true target audience is women who online date. It's not that my book doesn't offer something for the men, but let's face it, I'm a woman...it's told from my perspective, which try though I may not to; I'm sure it's skewed in the feminine direction.

So I "search" women in a 200 mile radius, find one online that has the tell-tale signs of a woman sick of online dating "Looking for someone that's REAL" and began banging out my email. Apologizing first for interrupting her with my usual light hearted and humorous tone, hoping that she didn't send me to the "ban this profile" box for cheating. It took me about 5 minutes to write it all out, but when I pushed send...it was rejected.

"This user does not except messages from your age group or gender."

This is going to be harder than I thought lol. How many am I going to have to type and have rejected before one actually goes through? And "age group"? She was MY AGE lol. I couldn't bare to try another, it was all I could do to make the damn profile and send out the first email. I'm going to just keep my fingers crossed and in the interim, reside myself to the fact that if it's meant to be, my profile will still be there the next time I log in and the next email I type will actually find it's way to the user lol.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Last week I was anxiously waiting for an article in a local newspaper to come out about my newly published book. The interview went well, but I was nervous about it none the less. I was told it would be in the Sunday paper, but much to my surprise, it came out on Saturday. Apparently, Saturday IS the Sunday paper.

Logging in to Facebook, I see it slathered all over my personal page as friend after friend posted it with pride. I was incredibly excited! I had made it to the news. I blew up the picture and the article looked fantastic. I couldn't read the whole thing, but I could get the gist and it sounded good. I remembered the journalist telling me that it would also be online, so I quickly logged in to their website and type my name into the search field and...there I was.

Sitting for a moment before reading, I took in my name in print. It was just as surreal as the "proof" copy of my book when it first arrived. Funny that somehow I couldn't visualize it in book format before holding that first copy in my hands. It must be the fact that you stare at a computer screen for years sometimes, banging out your thoughts, it never occurs to you what it WILL look like in book format.

I made myself a cup of joe, rolled a cigarette and began reading. "Utica native offers up humor, advice in online dating book." YES...that's exactly what it is! Line by line I read slowly, outloud, taking it all in. It's ME...he is talking about ME and everyone I know and everyone I don't know will be reading about ME. The excitement only continued to grow and then I came upon this line.

"I've been on over 300 dates with both men and women," she said.

I read it again...

"I've been on over 300 dates with both men and women," she said.

There I sat stunned, head swirling and immediately I remember my last phone call.

"Mom...dad, it's in the paper already, you can read it online!"

Immediately I grabbed for my phone and dialed their number.

Now I am not a close minded individual, I make no judgements on people, I simply live my life to the best of my ability. However, my parents are about the most devout Catholics you will ever come across and visions of my mother splashing me with holy water while my father held me down were racing through my head.

I won't lie, I was upset myself. Not because I am homophobic or feel any specific way about bi-sexuality and the like, but because it was a misrepresentation. And let's face it, when you're waiting for something like an article about your first published book...you kinda, sorta want everything to be perfect.

Of course their immediate response, was to try to calm me down. They knew I was disappointed that it was wrong. I didn't even mention the fact that my last name was spelled wrong three times or that the name of my publishing company was wrong. Of course, in true form, they made light of the situation and assured me that it was no big deal. Call the paper and ask them to issue a retraction and stop worrying about it.

It was all of about ten minutes before the entire situation became quite humorous to me. The book is about the unreliability of the internet and online dating, the horror stories, humorous stories and general chaos of it all...it's so apropos that the article featuring the book had a bit of chaos to it as well.

I'm waiting to see if there will indeed be a retraction in this Sunday's paper, although I'm not holding my breath. The journalist was adamant that his notes indeed have me quoted as saying just that. I'm good with it though...I've sold ten books since that article came out, so someone liked what it said :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

While I am extremely happy that I've finally completed and published my first book from the "I Could Write A Book" series, "So I thought I'd try online dating;" I was completely shocked that somehow I managed to miss such an important aspect of it all. Thanks to our easy ability to blog, I've decided to share my missed mayhem with my readers.

If you've done the online dating thing, then at one point or another you've met Mr. Nigeria. Now before you all go politically-correct on me, there is a direct correlation with the name and the nutcase, and it has NOTHING to do with the country.

Mr. Nigeria isn't one individual, rather the identity of many. He sends out emails on dating sites, touting his untimely travel to Nigeria for work purposes, as his reason for not being able to meet at that very moment. You don't usually find out about his less than ideal dating situation until at least the 10th email. This is right about the same time you find out about his motherless son. Of course he lost his mother in some tragic way, but thankfully the corporation that Mr. Nigeria works for allows his son to travel with him and a sitter is even provided.

He is the mother of all hopeless romantics and even though his English leaves a lot to be desired, you get the gist even if it's misspelled or misspoken. You become the apple of his eye almost from the get-go as he professes his need for a good and loving woman in his frequent and lengthy emails. Now, on to my point.

Once I self-published my book, I needed to find avenues to market said book and being a single parent didn't leave a lot of money in the bank to do that. Utilizing every free avenue on the net, I began spreading the word; Facebook, Myspace etc. I hadn't seen Myspace in approx. two years, but being able to look people up by "single, divorced" and looking for "relationships, dating" was to my advantage.

Every day, I signed in and friend requested (God I hate that word) twenty people, usually women, but occasionally men. (Because we all know I'm bi-sexual...that's an inside joke I'll share in my next post.) Once the request was accepted, I sent out a letter thanking them and directing them to my Facebook Fan Page or Amazon.com. I kindly thanked them for their time and apologized if they felt spammed...I hate spammers! Needless to say, it wasn't long before the men started sending their own friend requests...I see much hasn't changed since my last login. However, I couldn't believe that my very first friend request turned into the trauma it did. It sent me spiraling back to the past when I was none the wiser and actually communicated with these morons.

I just had to share the email I received today via Myspace that sent me into my head spin. I know now, my book is spot on lol. Bare in mind, it says I'm only on Myspace for networking, but then it never much mattered what my profile said then, why the hell would it matter now lol? Also bare in mind, this was AFTER I had already sent the polite email regarding my book and my marketing attempt.

Hi Cutie,
It is amazing when looking through some profiles and I got captivated by your
picture, you are a very pretty lady and my eyes got stocked for few
seconds looking at you, am sure you are looking at me ...lol. Just
asking sincerely,are you single ?If yes, then I am sure the men were you
are most be blind and need surgery on their eyes, thanks to them anyway
because I believe that’s the reason why I find you here.
I am keen about knowing you cos you look like a lady with gently heart
and needs a man in her life with no games.I will be happy if you contact
me, my heart can’t wait to know you real quick. Hope to hear from you
soon.
I am thinking of you, In my closet solitude today. If it's wrong to know
you, then my heart just won't let me be right. 'Cause I'm drowned in
wanting to know you, And I won't pull through, without getting a reply
from you,please add me on your personal messenger with this i.d and lets
have a chat or write me with the i.d , j*******65@yahoo.com .
Much Love, Jay .

I'm still laughing, give me a moment while I compose myself so that I may continue.......................................................................................................................................................................... Okay, let us continue...eh em.

Now even though he does not go through the Nigeria stint, I can assure you, given the opportunity that will be coming soon. I haven't decided yet if I will let him go on just to humor myself lol or if I will delete him...time will tell :)

I also thought it would be fun to share a few others that again, had already received my email in advance of them playing their player cards. Let us examine the moron make-up shall we?

This one in particular was told after the fourth "you're beautiful" email, that I was indeed engaged to be married...

understand... if you change your mind.... we could always get to know
eachother better.. if not thankyou for the friendship beautiful! ;)
What part of engaged does he not understand? And does he really think the word "friendship" will throw me off?

And next...

Baby, please even though it's just our first time of talking to each
other and not to conceal anything, Baby you adore me, Wayn is just after
a lady who is God fearing and romantic in terms of loving making
preferably you will welcome me when you agree on my love terms baby?
What part of "buy my book" screams sex to you and who the hell is Wayn? I know the broken English could construe him to be a beginner Mr. Nigeria, but this guy just sucks at English, there's no hidden agenda here...he wants sex lol.