When I was a boy I wondered why, if evolution were true, did humans lose all their ape-like fir, then start lighting fires and putting on clothes?

Recently on TV I saw a priest of the great Darwin suggesting that pre-humans lost their hair because it was unattractive to those who wanted a mate, so that by “natural selection” humans had all their hair bred out of them over many thousands of years. The hairier specimens just couldn’t pull the girls, and I suppose that shivering in the cold and wearing smelly animal skin was much more sexy. How many thousands of years did it take them to develop the art of knitting to fend off the cold?

So does this answer my childhood question on the validity of human evolution? Hardly. You see, from my experience, while it’s clear that facial hair is not as fashionable as it was a few decades ago, most women just don’t dig balding men-they find baldness a turn off. And apparently the “other” primates still find hairy bodies a turn on-they aren’t losing their hair.

If this theory is true, we really should be elevating bald men to higher positions, since they are more highly evolved and therefore more intelligent. We should have a bald president and some bald politicians-perhaps they would do a better job than the hairy ones.

What a tricky theory evolution is, and I mean to say that word “tricky” as an extension of the word “trick”.

Did Charlie have a hard time finding a mate? He was bald, but he had a hairy face….

GET BACK

People, even those claiming to be enlightened and intelligent, are able to believe the silliest things. My sister, an atheist, told me that people get back-aches because humans haven’t been walking upright for long since we left the trees, so our bodies aren’t yet fully adjusted. Try telling that one to your boss next time you want the day off. And if it were true, it would mean that those who don’t get back-aches are more highly evolved. So, our next president should be bald and upright, with no history of back pain.

If my sister is right, I wonder how the first upright ape-man fared when he decided to stand:

“Ohhhh my DARWIN! This is excruciating (grunt)! Still, I’m determined to do it…I’m going to walk upright for the rest of my life if it kills me!”