RICHARD DAWKINS, the atheist campaigner, is planning a legal ambush to have Osama Bin Laden arrested during his next secret visit to Britain “for crimes against humanity”.

Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, the atheist author, have asked human rights lawyers to produce a case for charging Bin Laden over his alleged western jihad.

However, advisors to Bin Laden are starting to regret the secret visit to Britain after an official memo suggested that during his visit Bin Laden may like to promote a new range of bikini’s and get a cartoon Allah tattoo.

The document was drawn up by the Foreign Office as part of a briefing pack and sent to officials across Whitehall.

It also suggested that Bin Laden could demonstrate a hard line on suicide bombings by “sacking dodgy Imams”.

A source told The Times that the issue was being dismissed by many as a joke that went wrong, but of more serious substance was that it could be written and disseminated at all. The source questioned what the consequences would be if such a document were written by a British government official about the head of the Catholic community.

The new improved version of Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO, was lost on March 18th at a German themed pub in Redwood City, California. The new Steve was inadvertently left behind in the pub by one of Apple 27-year-old cybernetics engineers. “Steve was so engrossed in working out how to lock-down the beer glass he was drinking from in order to control the liquids that could be placed in it, that he failed to notice everyone else had left”, he later posted on his Facebook status when realising his mistake.

The new version of Steve Jobs was later discovered by an unscrupulous customer who sold the prototype CEO to Geezermodo for an alleged $5,000. Geezermodo then went on to publish exclusive pictures of the new Steve Jobs on their web site.

The new Steve Jobs retains many of the familiar features of the old model and is still instantly recognizable as Steve Jobs. However the new model is more chiselled, as the engineers have opted to lose some of the rounder edges. The top part of Steve retains the familiar black sweater used in the previous models but with more defined edges. Many pundits had anticipated a more formal bottom half, but the new version appears to still be in jeans for reasons of comfort.

Skeptics however claim that the accidental leak of the new Steve is all too convenient, and suspect Apple to be masterminding their own PR stunt in an attempt to hype up the much anticipated release of Apple’s updated CEO in the summer.

Friday, 16 April 2010

[Simon approaches the British Chiropractic Association’s headquarters at night, and starts painting something on the wall. He does not, however, see a group of lawyers approaching from behind him, led by Mr Justice Eady who reads his writing.]

Even though the BCA have dropped their misconceived case against Simon, please continue to sign the campaign for libel reform to ensure that the politicians follow through with their promises of reform.