Home Wreckers, Who Are They? Save Ourselves From Becoming One!

{This is an Article I shared with a sister on her Facebook page called “The Real Mominah” and Sisters it is a worthwhile group to join, may Allah reward and bless her and her family, Aameen}

“The cycle repeats and the cheater still cheats, moving from one to another until he/she decides to fold.”

“When he/she finally realizes that he/she lost all opportunities worth keeping. Then he/she ends up sewing what he/she was reaping.”

The topic, a touchy topic, home wreckers….

A home wrecker a name had given NOT by society BUT by the person who a break up a home…is a home wrecker just a woman?? Or is home wrecker a man?? It is not just women who are home wreckers but men too.

What is a home wrecker? A home wrecker is one who gets involved emotionally and physically with a married person and sets out to snare the person away from the marriage for themselves. There are many people who only go for married people even though are lots of single people out there. As the saying goes “it takes two to tango” so cannot blame one or the other, in fact the blame would be more on the married person as they are the ones in the committed relationship so should think of the consequences before get involved. Sadly been faithful is getting rarer these days and sex is over publicised and too much on the internet and women are seen as objects instead of loving human beings. Sometimes married people do not tell the person who they are having the affair with that they are married so is a complex issue and sadly everyone gets hurt, Other times even when girls/guys interested in married people do know that the person is married and they been told about it, they still can’t keep their hands off, despite the married person not being interested they would still go after them to make them choose him/her and determined to break a home due to their selfishness. People should take the commitment of their vows more seriously or not get married at all. Too often though people feel trapped once they get married and emotional and physical needs are not being met so it is all down to communication as that is what is lacking in so many relationships.

Being in a relationship that is Haraam is zina, Allah says:

“And those who invoke not any other God along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for a just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled for Him on the Day of Resurrection, and He will abide therein for a long time in disgrace;” (Surah Furqan 25:68,69)

In this verse Allah equates zina with shirk (worshipping other Gods) and murder. Then Allah says the punishment will be doubled for the sin of zina, and on top of this the adulterer or fornicator will remain in that punishment for a long period of time in utter disgrace. Indeed, the zaani (adulterer or fornicator) is disgraced in this world, and will be disgraced on the Day of Judgment. Allah says mentions about this:

“And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a shameless thing and an evil Way.” (Surah Israa 17:32)

Rasulullah (SAW) said: “When a Muslim commits zina (adultery or fornication), then the Imaan leaves the heart and hovers above like a cloud. When the fornicator wrenches himself out of that sin, the Imaan returns.” (Abu Dawud)

Rasulullah (SAW) said: “Imaan is a Noor. Whoever commits zina, the (Noor of) Imaan separates itself from him. When he regrets his sin, it returns.” (Bayhaqi)

Rasulullah (SAW) “Imaan is like a cloak which Allah confers upon whomever He wishes. When His servant commits zina, Allah removes from him the cloak of Imaan. If he repents, Allah returns it to him.” (Bayhaqi)

From these Ahadith we learn that precisely at the moment of fornication, there is no Imaan in the heart of the lustful one. It’s impossible for Imaan and zina to co-exist in a believer. If he or she dies at that moment, they would die as a kaafier without Imaan! Allah Forbid! What about those vile ones who after committing one act of zina, wish to do it a second time without remorse or repentance?

The adulterous men and women will be made to drink the pus that oozes from people burning in Hell fire. (Tafseer Durre-Manthoor) Adulterous men and women will be thrown naked into a pit of raging fire. Every time the fire rises to the top of the pit, these people will scramble to get out. But then quickly the fire will submerge to the bottom of the pit and the sinners will continue burning. (Al-Bukhari)

Those afflicted with the disease of zina should read the above verses and hadith and contemplate the punishment promised for this sin. If this is done daily, Inshallah, one will soon be cured.

Now that it is explained what is a home wreaker, and what the punishment is, let us now go onto, how to better ourselves and how to SAVE ourselves from this horrible, terrible and nasty deed.

Many people really like gazing at the opposite sex, is it wrong, yes IF you are looking to fulfil your lust and haram desires. No IF you have permission from the girl’s family, in view for MARRIGE.

To those who have a problem controlling their desires, try these tips Inshallah they would help:

1) Bearing in mind the fact that Allah is watching us, that He sees us and is with us (by His knowledge) wherever we go. It may be a secretive glance of which our closest neighbour is unaware, but Allah knows of it:

“Allah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal.” (Surah Ghafir 40: 19)

2) Seeking the help of Allah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him. Almighty Allah says:

3) One should know that every blessing one enjoys comes from Allah, and requires that one should give thanks for it. Part of being grateful for the blessing of sight means that one should protect it from looking at that which Allah has forbidden. Is there any reward for a good deed, other than good?

“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah.” (Surah An-Nahl 16: 53)

4) Striving with one’s self never giving up. Allah says:

“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths.” (Surah Al-`Ankabut 29:69)

Rasulullah (SAW) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allah will make him patient…” (Al-Bukhari)

5) Avoiding places where one feels one will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if one can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting idle in the street. Rasulullah (SAW) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

6) One should realize that one has no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great is the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir within the heart. One must lower one’s gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things in all places and at all times. One cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt, or justify one’s mistakes by saying that one is surrounded by temptation.

7) Doing a lot of voluntary acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing the obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one’s physical faculties. According to a hadith qudsi (Divine), Allah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.”

8) Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness for or against us. Allah says:

“That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil).” (Surah Az-Zalzalah 99: 4)

9) Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid one from letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allah says:

10) Avoiding unnecessary looks, so that you only look at what is needed to look at, and you do not allow your gaze to wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and temptation of which cannot be got rid of quickly.

11) Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who takes your attention and tempts you to look at her/him, and keep in mind the filth and waste material that is carried in the gut.

12) Checking yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst being patient, realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

13) Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the negative effects of allowing one’s gaze to wander.

15) Bringing up this topic during meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers to others.

16) Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their beauty, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.

17) Warding off passing thoughts and the whispers of Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he continues to look he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove, will not be planted in his heart.

18) Being afraid of an evil end, and of a feeling of great regret at the point of death.

19) Keeping the company of good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.”

To those who are married, try to save your marriage:

1) you should immediately get a hold of is how you’re going to act and react to the conflict going on now and the heated battles to come as you try and make sense of why your marriage is failing. Getting control of your emotions early on is the most important thing you can do right now. Not having control of what you’re about to say and do at all times will only lead to escalating your marital problems on every angle. There is also the risk of doing irreparable damage to your marriage as well if it isn’t under control.

2) You should begin doing is respecting your spouse’s need for space. Although you may beg to differ on this, considering the fact that your spouse has some serious explaining to do, it is counterproductive. It only pushes your spouse further away when constantly met with conversation that’s only about the marriage. Your spouse would like to think this through clearly as well, even if it may not seem like it at first, this is just as much a life changing decision in their life as it is yours. Give them time and space to come to terms, it may just open the door to fresh talks of saving the marriage together.

Even though the first 2 steps are of the utmost importance, the 3rd step is probably the most critical step in saving your marriage.

3) Without it you’re just shooting in the wind, gambling on your marriage so to speak. That is, finding a plan to save your marriage early on so that you’re not just operating on theory or what you think might work. There really is an art to saving your marriage you could say, many pieces all systematically working together to make marriage work, and if you don’t know what they are it will continue to be at risk of failing if you don’t know how to fix it right. Following the guidance of someone who has actually saved marriages is the best thing you can do if you want to save your marriage. At the same time, giving you the ability to lay a permanent foundation for it to grow happily and become even better than it has ever been before, for many years to come

Inshallah may this benefit the ummah at large, please forgive for any mistakes and shortcomings.

“O Allah, we are so weak and so insincere that the slightest temptation and we return to zina, and to other Haraam…O Allah, give us that Yaqeen that You are watching us and that You are aware of our actions. O Allah, give us the courage and the strength of lions against nafs and Shaytaan. O Allah, nafs and Shaytaan do not want us to taste the enjoyment and the sweetness of Imaan. O Allah, they do not want us to come anywhere close to You because they know that if we do, we will shun all sins. O Allah, remove the love of sins from our hearts. O Allah put the hatred of sins into our hearts. O Allah put the hatred of adultery and fornication; the hatred of interest and fraud; the hatred of gambling, and the hatred of every sin into our hearts. O Allah put the love of good deeds into our hearts. O Allah, put the love of Salaah, the love of Zikr, the love of Tilawat, the love of fasting and the love of serving mankind into our hearts. O Allah, we want to become Your Walis. …How long are we going to remain the friends of nafs and Shaytaan? O Allah how long are we going to walk on the earth as hypocrites…? O Allah make us from among Your sincere servants. Aameen sum Aameen”

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2 comments on “Home Wreckers, Who Are They? Save Ourselves From Becoming One!”

Jazak-Allah sister summa Jazak-Allah :-) You already know my views on this one – these “home wreckers”. But okie I’ll share a quote with you here that says alot: “If you marry a person who cheats on his wife, you’re married to a person who cheats on his wife” [N vice versa of course] – if those ladies/men could understand this little thing they would think N re-think before getting involved or so called “in love” with people that are “married” – N those married people that don’t take their married vows seriously will get as deserved, N that’s for sure because as you agreed: What goes around, comes around ;-)

As sala’amu alaikum Sister
I sure know your views :) respect and learn from them as well :)
Thank you for sharing the quote :)
N of course you already know I loooooooooove the last quote {What goes around, comes around } May Allah guide us all to good, Aameen.
Walaikum as salaam
“O Allah, make my love for You the most beloved thing to me, and Your displeasure with me the most fearful thing to me, and instill in me a passion for meeting You; when you have given the people of the world the pleasures of their world, make the coolness of my eyes (pleasure) in worshipping You. Aameen Thuma Aameen