(Closed) Emotionally wrenching decision… advice please

Six weeks out from our wedding (i.e. two weeks ago) my fiance told me he wasn’t happy in the relationship any longer and wanted to call off the wedding. Everything has been cancelled, he’s moved away, etc. This was so so horrible as I’m sure you can imagine, but I’m surviving.

My question to the hive is what to do about an upcoming wedding. I just received an invitation in the mail for my cousin’s wedding this October. She’s one of my closest cousins, and I had been really looking forward to her wedding. It’s also a chance for a family reunion – it’s happening quite far away, so would be an entire wedding weekend with the extended family. I’m just not sure I can handle it emotionally. Being there and grieving the loss of my marriage instead of being happy for her, feeling uncomfortable being the only single cousin, etc. I don’t know what to do – go? not go?

Does anyone have any advice for me? Have your friends or family members been in this situation – what did they do?

So sorry to hear about your situation, but I’m glad to hear that you are surviving. My only advice would be to think about how you will feel down the road about not going to her wedding, that’s IF you don’t go. Especially if you’re so close. I can imagine the difficulty of having to hide your emotions while you’re there, but I think in the long run, you’ll be happy you went.

One of our friends broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years the week before our wedding and rescinded his RSVP a few days beforehand. We were not upset with him or offended at all– we totally understood and honestly felt sorry for him. He gave us a very sweet, heartfelt gift and invited us out to dinner when we got back into town. I’m sure your cousin will understand. Just send her a sweet gift and note, and let her know how excited you are about her wedding, without mentioning your personal situation.

I have been through this with my ex-FI. A close friend of mine was getting married 6 weeks after our planned wedding date. She called and said she totally understood if it would be too hard/sad for me to attend (such a sweet, thoughtful friend). I told her I would just need a little time to get over my emotions. I decided to attend their wedding (which was also really far away from my home), and I’m so happy I did. It was so wonderful to be there to celebrate with my friend & her hubby, and she sat me with some other single girlfriends so I didn’t feel weird being dateless.It really gave me hope to see them so happy and so in love, that someday when I met the right man, that would be "us".Take time to work through your feelings, I know it sounds cliche, but each day you’ll feel better. (((Hugs)))

Wow, she’s sending that early! When is the RSVP date? I’d say wait until the day is closer to make a decision, and talk to your cousin now. Tell her where you are currently, emotionally, and let her know that you’ll need some time to assess how you’re healing before you can make a final RSVP choice. Picking wrong will be very painful, regardless of which way you go. Hopefully she’ll understand that.

Oh, I’m so sorry. I know this idea is very "proper" but what if you skip the ceremony and just attend the reception? The ceremony would be a big tear-jerker for me, but receptions are lots of fun and it would be something fun to look forward to. Honestly, nobody will notice if you skip the ceremony.

It’s a semi-destination wedding (i.e. they live in a remote area, so most people will need to travel) and it’s also a holiday weekend, which is why they’ve sent out the invitations earlier than normal, I suspect.

And because it’s far away, it might be trickier to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. If it were happening in my own town, I feel like I would be more comfortable leaving early or skipping certain parts, but it may be more complicated doing so up there.

I think I’ll just give it some more time to decide. Every day I have different feelings on what to do, so maybe as the rsvp date gets closer I’ll feel more confident about a decision either way.

I think you should go, just try to put your wedding out of your head and enjoy yourself and have fun with your family. Can you invite a guest? I would maybe take a friend along, or share a hotel room with someone so that you don’t feel lonely or reclusive while you are there.

While I’m all for having alone time while grieving and going through difficult times, I think it’s really important to just kind of throw yourself into social situations too, because I do believe it makes coping easier and and will help you get through things quicker and more easily.

I say absolutely go! You do not want to sit around that weekend stressing out about missing it b/c your bum ex-fi left. Buy a sexy little dress (yes, that had better be ok with your cousin!) go out there and have a great time! What do you have to lose? Plus, I’m sure your cousin really wants you there!

I think you should definitely go as well. Weddings are emotional for almost everyone there, especially if you are at all close to the bride and groom. No one will think twice if you happen to cry during the ceremony. Our most macho guy friends even got a little teary eyed during ours. Go be with your family, and let them love you and support you during this tough time in your life! It will probably be more awkward for you later on if you don’t go.

I’m so sorry about your situation. At least you are staying strong! It sounds like you made your decision and I agree with you; wait and see how you feel as the RSVP date gets closer. But talk yourself up and fake-til-you-make so you are in a positive mind frame at decision time. Good luck!!

Just wanted to say thanks again for your advice. I have just now put my rsvp into the envelope (checked YES) and will mail it out tomorrow. I figure there is so much time, I can always gauge how I’m doing closer to the date. Better to cancel than to regret, I think?

And I’m alive, and dressed. 🙂 Sometimes that’s the only thing I can bring myself to do in a day, and I’m okay with that. I never realized how tough this would be, my goodness.

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I can only imagine what you are going through but I am happy to hear that you are doing okay (at least enough to post about it).

I don’t know what I would do in this situation because I have my strong days and I have days when I could buckle down. If you are as close to your cousin as you say I would go, though, I know the reminder is going to sting but try to think about the future and whether you will regret it. I know you are in a lot of pain now and it’s almost too soon to think of wedded bliss for anyone else, but in 3 years you could be married to the man of your dreams! I just hate for you to think about and not go to your good cousin’s wedding because your man was a jerk!