Beef, Sheep and Beer

The Vet Visit

Jan 18, 2018

Sybil, and her momma Cricket, had an appointment with our good friend and vet Ryan the other day. Both needed their triennial rabies shots, and Sybil needed an exam and refill of her thyroid medication.

Routine stuff, at least for me. I provided transportation and payment. They provided the entertainment.

If dogs could speak, and they don’t speak a language that we can understand for the most part, the entire ordeal, from their perspective, would have translated to something like this.

Sybil: “Oh boy oh boy oh boy, the CAR! We’re going in the CAR! Yay!”

Cricket: “Oh, I have a bad feeling about this…”

On The Road

Sybil: “Oh LOOK! Cows!”

Cricket: “Are you certain you’re my daughter?”

Sybil: “Look, MORE cows!”

Cricket: “Yeah, because you don’t see those things every day. And, bark at them every day. At home. Every day.”

At The Vet Clinic

Cricket: “Oh HELL no! I KNEW it!”

Sybil: “Look, a dog!”

Cricket: “Again, are you my daughter? Really?”

At The Door To The Clinic

Sybil: “Uh oh, I know this place. Nope, not going through that door.”

Cricket: “I OWN this place. No living creature here dares to lay a hand on me.”

Me, dragging Sybil bodily through the door while Cricket forges ahead, letting the entire staff and all the patients, as well as the entire county know that a Very Important Perro (Spanish for dog) has just arrived. “C’mon guys, just once, can we act like dignified, obedient working dogs NOT raised in a cave on an island? Please?”

Both dogs: “NO!!”

In The Waiting Room

Sybil: “Look, a DOG!”

Cricket, eyeing a spastic Jack Russel Terrier: “Look, you short legged, dumpy hors d’oveures of a mutt, bark at me one more time and I’ll send your ears to Pluto.”

JRT: “Rawf rawf”

Cricket, fixing the dog with her icy stare: “BOWF, you moron!”

JRT: “whimper”

Sybil: “A DOG!”

Cricket: “Please tell me you adopted her.”

On The Scale

Sybil: “Why is she looking at me like that?”

Vet Tech: “Wow, I thought that was just all hair.”

Cricket: “HAHAHAHA! Diet time for you, doofus!”

Me: “Seriously Cricket, you have really packed on the pounds lately.”

Cricket: “What, you haven’t been on the scale lately yourself, tubbo?”

Vet Tech: “Wow.”

Me: “Diets. Both of you. Starting NOW.”

Dogs: “LOOK IN THE MIRROR, CHUBS!”

In The Room

Ryan: “Is it just me, or have the girls put on some serious weight?”

Dogs: “It’s just you, and don’t you dare get near us with that thing.”

Vet Tech: “Just gonna get your temperature, Sybil.”

Sybil: “Not if I can help it, toots.”

Vet Tech: “Gotcha!”

Sybil: “I’m so embarrassed.”

Cricket: “Hope you don’t like your nose, lady, because if you get near my butt with that thing, I’m going to perform a rhinoplasty on you.”

Ryan: “Don’t worry, Cricket, you’re just here to get rabies.”

Cricket: “You’re gonna give me RABIES? Seriously, are you even a real vet? I’ve got a lawyer, you know.”

Sybil: “Wait, no one said anything about pokey things! WHY ARE YOU TAKING ALL MY BLOOD?!”

Ryan: “Think we have enough.”

Sybil: “I’m gonna faint…”

Ryan: “Here, while you’re on the table, let’s get that rabies shot done.”

Sybil: “STOP POKING ME WITH POKEY THINGS!! I’m a good girl! Quit torturing me! You already took all my blood!”

Cricket: “Definitely adopted.”

Me: “I don’t know these dogs. I saw them wandering around on Territorial Highway, so I picked them up and brought them here. Please take good care of them. I’m leaving now.”

Cricket: “Take one more step towards that door without me, and there will be blood. Not Sybil’s, because they took all of hers. Got it, lady?”

Me: “Then stop acting like you’ve never been out in public in your entire lives. Sybil, you’ve known Ryan since the day you were born.”

Sybil, interrupting: “Yeah. He cut my tail and toes off. I remember…”

Me, continuing: “Cricket, you’ve known him for almost 12 years. ACT YOUR AGES!”

Dogs: “Heh heh, we made her mad.”

Me: “Yeah. Now, guess who is NOT getting a cookie at the coffee drive thru.”

Dogs: Sad eyes

Me: “Not working.”

Dogs: BIG sad eyes

Me: “Nope.”

Ryan, coming in the Sybil’s test results: “Okay, we need to up her dose a bit. I’ll get the bottle of pills for ya. See you girls next year, and you should have lost all that excess weight by then.”

Dogs: “Yeah. Hold that thought.”

Me, opening door to a brown tornado in the waiting room: “Uh oh.”

Vet Tech: “Just Riley the Lab. He’s harmless.”

Cricket: “Good. If he so much as breathes in my direction, he’ll also be tailless and ball-less as well.”