Sexual urges and sexual attraction are natural. However, humans are capable of self-control, and it is important to take responsibility for one's actions.

Sexual harassment often (but not always!) involves a man harassing a woman or girl, causing him to feel powerful. The victim can feel surprised, unnerved, panicked, or afraid for their life. Their outside reactions may be fury, terror, or even a smile.

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Steps

1

Identify what it is you are doing that could be considered sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is a power play in which the perpetrator acts or speaks suggestively to the uninterested victim. This can include, but is not limited to:

Unwanted physical contact

Sexual comments about a person's appearance, or their sex lies

Remarks on what you would like to do to them, or inviting a dialogue about what they would do to you

Comments about someone's sexual orientation

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2

Identify your motives. By reading this article, you are already stepping in the right direction. Examine your reasons for shouting sexual things at women or touching them without permission.

Do you want to look good in front of your buddies?

Does it make you feel strong, powerful, in control?

Do you feel entitled to appreciate a beautiful woman's body, with or without her permission?

3

Rid yourself of the myth that women enjoy harassment. Just because she smiles doesn't mean she likes it—in fact, it's most likely a fear response that she hopes will prevent the situation from escalating. Some harassers will respond with threats, violence, stalking, rape, or murder if challenged, and she has no way of knowing whether you will or not. Sexual harassment threatens a woman's sense of safety, and it is never okay.

4

Imagine how it feels to be a woman when 1 in 6 of them are sexually assaulted. Women learn early on that a short skirt means they are "asking for it," any alcohol in their system means they are irresponsible, an accusation will "ruin a young man's life" (never mind their trauma or the fact that not all rapists are male), that men cannot control themselves, and that they alone are responsible for their own safety. Imagine how it feels to be on a "rape schedule"—holding your keys at the ready in a parking lot, monitoring your drink carefully, taking pains not to be alone with a man. Do you want to be the man who hurts them, or the man who protects them?

Practice making women feel more comfortable in "unsafe" areas by acknowledging them with eye contact and a courteous smile.

5

Discipline yourself. Changing habits is hard. Motivate yourself to stop the harassment, via a good friend who will scold you if they see you eyeballing a woman inappropriately, or some sort of sensual reminder. This can be done in various ways.(e.g. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and lightly snap it against your wrist when you feel the urge to harass. Have a stress ball in your pocket to distract yourself when you're feeling the urge to touch someone inappropriately.)

Enlist a good friend who will scold you for behaving badly around women.

Snap a rubber band around your wrist whenever you find yourself about to harass someone.

Give reparations to any woman that you harass. Try a detailed verbal apology and a box of chocolates for her troubles. The effort of such a big apology will make you think twice about making lewd comments, gestures, or touches.

6

Imagine someone you know in place of the woman in front of you. Would you do this to your friend, mom, sister, or aunt? Would you do it to a guy? Would you feel uncomfortable if you saw it happening to your mother or girlfriend? Just like the important people in your life, this woman deserves to go about her day without feeling bothered or threatened.

7

Get outside help, from a mentor or someone you trust. It won't be easy nor quick to stop a bad habit. Having someone on your side that is encouraging you to stop this habit will be very beneficial and motivating. Like mentioned above, get a friend (or friends) you hang out with to firmly remind you of your inappropriate actions before you do them.

Dump any friends who are disrespectful to women—not just by catcalling or groping, but by telling rape jokes, making misogynistic comments, and other things (without apologizing when you point out how messed up it is).

Learn from well-known feminists. Their perspective can help you understand what life is like for women, and how you can be a good man. Try becoming a feminist ally!

8

Respect women. If you've learned to sexually harass because you thought women liked it or you thought it was okay, learn that it's not. Women are human beings who deserve respect, and every human being should be respected physically. Try to break out of the habit of looking at a woman for her body. Think more about her personality, about what makes her unique as a person, and about how by learning to respect others you in turn create respect for yourself.

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