They’d all be disappointed in my behavior since… the accident. I know it and they know I know it. I feel them watching me sometimes.

Sometimes I think I can smell Danny—that scent of his Old Spice body wash. I grin as I remember teasing him about Old Spice. I told him my grandpa wore Old Spice. He told me to keep being a smartass because as soon as he was done showering I’d be eating my words—and I was. That body wash worked with his body chemistry so well, it was sexy as hell. Needless to say I never teased him about it again, just inhaled the scent of him as often as possible.

I lift up Danny’s football jersey and breathe in his scent. It’s faded, but it’s there and his. I slip the jersey over my head, pretending the fabric surrounding my body is his arms, his body—him. I wrap my arms around myself and rock back and forth, biting my lip and blinking rapidly to hold back the tears threatening to spill.

“Are you all packed?” my mom asks from the doorway.

I look up and nod.

“Do you have everything you need? We can make a run to the store if you’re missing anything.”

“I have everything, mom. And then some.”

She grins. “Well, you can’t blame a mother for wanting to make sure her baby girl has what she needs.”

“I’ll have enough body wash for the entire year,” I tease, relaxing my arms a little.

Mom walks over and sits beside me on the bed. “Then that’s one less thing I have to worry about.”

I’m not sure what to say. I know she worries and I can’t blame her, but… I sigh.
“Mom, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be okay.” Somehow I’ll find a way to be okay.

“Of course you will,” she agrees, so confident in those words I almost believe them. “That’s not why I’m worried. A mother will always worry about her children, no matter how young or old, near or far, and you’re going to be a long way from Destiny, North Carolina.”

I nod. “But it’s only a phone call, and we’ll Skype and Facetime.”

“We will, but it’s not the same as having you physically here where I can wrap my arms around you.”

That’s the truth. That’s exactly how I feel about Danny in this moment. I have his scent and his shirt, memories and love in my heart, but he’s not here anymore. None of them are. Cassidy would be here right now, reassuring me about how we’ll all fit in perfectly at Prospect University and that I’m freaking out for nothing. Phillip would be crude, talking about all the chicks he’s going to “bang”—which would have been as many as he could. Simon would have found a way to make us all laugh about the scariest things, and I would have hugged and loved everyone until we all found our calm.

Now it’s just me.
But I can do this.
I can.
Maybe if I tell myself that enough times, I’ll actually start to believe it.