Melissa DeLancey reveals her worst Tinder exploits in a new one-woman show.

While dishing about the latest in a string of disastrous Tinder dates with a friend, 36-year-old Manhattan divorcée Melissa DeLancey recounted how one basement-dwelling dweeb refused to meet at her favorite bar because it didn’t allow dogs.

“He was inseparable from his pet,” DeLancey said, a little disconcerted. “Even on a first date.”

“Sounds like the sort of thing my neighbor would do,” replied the pal, who asked to see the guy’s Tinder picture. It turned out the two were the same: DeLancey’s date was the neighbor, who lived with his dog — and his long-suffering girlfriend.

“Trust me, this guy had nothing [good] about him,” recalls DeLancey, who chose Tinder over traditional dating sites like match.com because of its immediacy, as users communicate via text rather than email. “He should be holding onto that girlfriend, not looking for other women.”

During the 75-minute performance, DeLancey dishes on her adventures with Tinder, revealing that the handy app has brokered her more than 150 dates since her divorce in 2012 — and dozens of “d - - k pics” from desperate men in her selected age range of 36 to 45.

“My friends are fascinated by my dating stories,” adds the Greenwich Village-based actress, who juggles her theater work with her main career as a personal trainer. “I’m a compulsive oversharer, so it made sense for me to do a show on the topic.”

One such story involves a guy who tastefully wined and dined DeLancey before taking her to the cinema to see the George Clooney film “Gravity,” all on their first date.

Says DeLancey: “We were fooling around because ‘Gravity’ is really boring and, about halfway through the movie, he whispered: ‘Can I f–k you later?’ I was like, ‘Eww!’”

At least two of her dates are coming to watch the cabaret, she says. And how will they react if they recognize themselves in the act?

“I’m sure they’ll take it in stride,” says DeLancey, who’s still single. “The guys I’ve told are all pretty cool.”

While the Tinder experiment has left her disheartened, it’s also spurred her to keep searching, although she has switched out Tinder for the new “feminist” app Bumble, in which women are required to send the first message.

“I want to settle down eventually and hopefully have a family,” concludes DeLancey. “The New York dating scene is tough, but he’s out there somewhere.”