Thursday, February 09, 2006

It all started this morning on my way to work. I always stop at Starbucks and get My Tall Redeye In A Pink Personal Cup. I do this Everyday. The parking lot is small, and since it is Rush Hour, there are a lot of cars pulling in and out. This morning, I pulled in behind The Hugest Stupidest Fancy Silver Truck Thing. There were Plenty Of Spots. Well, there were Plenty Of Spots for Small, Normal-Sized Vehicles in one area of the parking lot. There were No Spots for Mr. Fancy Silver Truck. Especially if you don't want to Risk A Scratch or The Driver Of Said Vehicle Is On His Cell Phone And Too Busy To Pay Attention To Anyone But Himself. So, Mr. Silver Truck decided His Only Option was to Stop Right Where He Was. In The Driveway Of The Parking Lot. Holding up Traffic. And Blocking Any Access To The Spots Where I Or Anyone Stuck In The Line Of Cars Behind Me Could Park Our Cars. Naturally, this meant, I Laid On The Horn. New York Style, Baby. I Take No Prisoners before I get My Caffeine In The A.M..

I saw Mr. Silver Truck tear his ear away from his mobile phone and strain his neck to see What Asshole could possibly be Honking At Him when clearly He Was More Important Than Anyone Else. Eventually, He Pulled Up. I parked my car.

Inside Starbucks, there was A Long Line. Waiting patiently, I suddenly felt The Sensation Of Someone Staring At Me From Behind. I turned around and saw Mr. Silver Truck. Glaaaaaaaring. No, I mean, GLAAAAARRRRRRING. Of course, I Ignored Him. Um, The Parking Thing had passed, Dude. I had moved on to More Important Morning Matters: Delicious, Hot Coffee.

But, still, He kept GLAAAAAARRRRRRING. I have never felt someone Stare Me Down So Intently. Well, not since Fifth Grade, when Stupid Samantha Cally gave Myself and Kim Sonsky The Evil Eye at Lunch. It totally made Kim Cry. I didn't Cry because I didn't know what The Evil Eye was. I thought that Stupid Samantha Cally had just Gotten Something In Her Eye. Kim Sonsky, however, recognized The Evil Eye Immediately and it made her Burst Into Tears. Later, Kim would tell me that she thought I was Really Brave For Not Crying and when she discovered that I was Just Naive, she called Me Stupid For Not Knowing About The Dreaded, Tear/Fear Inducing Evil Eye and told me I couldn't be Her Friend anymore. Which Did Make Me Cry. Kim got into Big Trouble for Causing My Tearful Outburst and shot both Me and Stupid Samantha Cally The Dreaded Evil Eye from Across The Room Of Detention for The Full Forty Minutes. That awful afternoon, I came to The Conclusion that Detention, being The Result Of Receiving The Dreaded Evil Eye, was The Curse. So, well, No One Had Stared Me Down So Intently since Then.

In line at Starbucks, avoiding Mr. Silver Truck's Gaze, I had the thought, "Jeez. I hope he doesn't Put Some Sort Of Bad Day Curse On Me."

Later on in the day, I Cut My Thumb On A Piece Of Random Glass In The Sink Of The Teacher's Lounge Requiring Not One, But Two Spongebob Square Pants Band-Aids From The School Nurse, I realized I Forgot My Lesson Plan Book At Home, My Feet Hurt From My New Fabulous Shoes, My MOM Called, A Second Grade Teacher Informed Me That During My Only Break I Was Assigned To Cover Her Out-Of-Control Class And Teach Them Fractions Which I Can't Even Remember How To Do, Does Anyone Ever Actually Use Fractions, I am The Drama Teacher For Crissakes! What Do I Know About Math? I Can Barely Balance My Checkbook! Oh! And I think that Future First Husband Filed For Divorce. It was A Truly Awful Horrible Definitely Cursed Without A Doubt Day. But, at least, This Time, I didn't cry.

And, this time, I Didn't Get Detention. I have to look At The Bright Side, right?