My Changing Image

by Airen Wolf

I have been looking into trying to change my inner views about what a body should look like. I want to be more positive and inclusive rather than sticking to the narrow guidelines that the media touts.

"It is true that women tend to be more identified with their bodies because in this crazy world, both men and women measure women's value as human beings in relationship to their physical appearance."

— Andrew Cohen

Is It All In The Mind?

Every year I bundle up in loose fitting sweaters and baggy pants in an effort to hide the fact that I am not slender and physically fit. I know it’s all psychological because these types of clothing do not cover anything and do not fool people into thinking I am sexy and fit. They make me look exactly as I am: short and round. During the winter, I have a built in reason to hide in my house and avoid the stares I am sure are happening. It’s silly because I am not hideous, but I have internalized the idea that anything over a size 0 is ugly.

Then it begins to warm up and I am left with a choice: swelter in the heat bundled up in layers of fabric or continue to gain weight and lose muscle tone in the air conditioned house. I admit that I am guilty of choosing the more comfortable option of sitting in the house. The problem is I am NOT comfortable. I hurt, I have massive heartburn, my joints ache and I look drawn out and tired. Plus I miss being outside.

I am not in shape. My body embarrasses me mostly because I was always on the edge of being physically fit until I gave up after the birth of my third child. I cannot stand to look at myself in the mirror and I know it makes my guys very concerned. They love my body, my mind, and my spirit, but it hurts to see me camouflage myself and be miserable in hot weather. The simple answer is to lose weight and get more physically fit, but that is really only simple on paper.

I have tried crash diets, exercising until I bleed and berating every pound and lump. I know that the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting a different response. For so many years I didn't know what else to do! Since learning about the Law of Attraction, I have renewed hope and accordingly, I am going to take a different route this summer. I am going to remember that sexy begins in the mind and also that I have two men who are besotted with me. It truly doesn't matter what strangers think of me; it only matters what I think of me.

I wonder if I can change my body simply by changing how I view it. Can I truly bring my body into alignment with my inner mental image of myself simply by willing it to be so? I am not forgetting the key components of eating properly and exercise, but I am changing how I view these key components. Rather than focus on what I “cannot” eat, I will focus on what I can eat. I will not focus on how much I am exercising but rather on how good it feels to simply move, stretch and feel my body respond to my thoughts. I will enjoy the sun, warm breezes and beautiful scenery rather than wondering what those people are thinking when they see me. In short, I will enjoy life rather than picturing something I am not really sure I want to attain. I will be gentle and kind to myself and heal finally the deep wounds my fluffy fat covers. Maybe then I can begin to uncover the layers to the sexy, strong muscles that are lying dormant.

I am a strong, capable woman who has the task of raising three little strong, capable people. It’s time I focus on that rather than the superficial things like clothing and cellulite. I don't want to hide anymore. I’m ready to come out and live in the sunlight.