Is It Love, or Just Hormones?

By Staff

Wise Advice From a Baby Boomer

We need to honor every bit of wisdom contained in our aging boomer bodies. Every wrinkle has history. Boomers carry within our psyches, the wisdom of the ages, written about since forever. But, alas, how often do the generations separate themselves from each other…

For all of our aches and pains, we carry in our hearts, exceptional compassion and unconditional love we never thought possible. We empathize with the struggles of the younger generations; if only we could fast forward their experiences to that peaceful place of today…

When I was 13 years old, I fell in love. How did I know it was love? I had “that feeling, that thing.” When I looked at George, I felt faint. Oh yeah, “that feeling.” Today it’s called being “over the moon.” We used to have make-out parties in Anita’s wreck room where the romantic songs of Jackie Gleason led us into passionate kissing as we danced, crushing into each other. I had never been this physically close to another human being. The hugs, the kisses fueled this feeling rising up within my entire body. Once, I actually fainted. But we never went “all the way.” Not then. The thought of “going all the way” was terrifying.

We spoke on the phone every night, and wrote letters to each other every day. The relationship ended abruptly one day when his mother found one of my letters in his drawer. “George is only 15; who is this girl telling him she can’t live without him?” I knew my life was over. HELP! Mom insisted I would be in love again before I knew it. I screamed, “NO! NEVER!” And there was never another love quite like George, but there sure were others. Years later, George and I met at a wedding, each of us with our respective spouses. We spoke, our hands touched, our eyes locked, and we lingered, not speaking, just holding the moment. Memories flooded my heart. That “thing” was still there. Today, he is my Facebook friend with pictures of him with his grandkids posted on his page. I had every feature of his face memorized, and when I look at his lips, his eyes, well it’s still there.

Beyond the hormonal rush, did George what was actually there? Not much! All we had was chemistry. And this is what we call love.

My born-again wisdom tells me that “thing” is absolutely necessary to have a relationship. As it turned out, George was actually a scoundrel of sorts. While married, he was dating a friend of mine and apparently had a myriad of other dames that he wooed. He made an incredible amount of money on Wall Street, but who cares?

Nature plays powerful games in an attempt to perpetuate the species. Sounds cold, huh? Well, it is. Nature is formidable. The urge to merge is the strongest there is in all species. That urge will prompt a guy to tell a woman everything she wants to hear, about how she is everything he is looking for, how he is now ready to settle down,…and who comes sauntering into his life? She falls for it, and gives herself to him. He stops calling. Oy! How to soothe the aching abandoned heart? She wants so desparately to believe him. But, alas, this is where we momma bears step in. We have learned that it’s wise to cultivate a relationship for three months sans sex. That sounds hard, but it can be done; it was done back in the day. The best way to have a guy pursue you is to consistently say NO!

It takes about three months to get acquainted. During that time, the friendship is building. And, after that time, the “C” word (commitment) is nudging us.

So, here’s the deal, love is not just that feeling. It’s that feeling plus a bonding, a caring, a sharing and supporting one another. Tell nature you aren’t fooled by her devious tricks. And as you walk hand in hand down lover’s lane, you can feel comfortable and truly happy about what nature has brought into your lives.

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15 thoughts on “Is It Love, or Just Hormones?”

Love is NOT only a feeling. It’s building a life together, supporting one another through the ups and downs of life. It’s BEING TOGETHER in person. There was a wonderful piece of 20/20 last night about a man who fell madly in love with a woman online….and they never personally met. Do not ever, ever put your faith in your feelings you have for someone you have not yet personally been with. Learn from the lesson, and move on.

I dont know what to say in response to this story. I was just deceived by a very dishonest man I met on FB. We were “exclusive’ for 5 wks, w/ both of us agreeing to not be w/ anyone else. it was beautiful, mostly. there were times we had problems, yet we worked thru them, I thought. We laughed, and had fun everytime we were together. it was not hormones for me. it was love. A love that made me feel like i was a teenager once more. Yet, it had more mature features to it, also. I know it was love. it was the kind i had only experienced once before. I found he had been cheating via fb messages w/ other women. even though he said it was harmless. I finally decided I was going to trust him completely and felt so at peace w/ my decision. THEN i found messages he’d written to a woman he met at a rock concert. telling her that if she gave him a chance that he would ‘jump on it’ I was devastated, and much more. It broke my heart. The evening prior to this happening, he’d told me over and over how much he loved me. He’d even given me a faux diamond ring he said he’d been keeping for that ‘special someone’…….a lot more happened, but i am here to say BE CAREFUL w/ online romances. you do NOT KNOW what kind of man you are getting. I sure didnt even though I thought I knew him sooooo well. I feel much pain right now. I feel played, disrespected, and more. How could a man I thought I loved so much treat me like this? He blamed me. Said I was not enough. He said things to me that made me cringe w/ pain. I am a senior citizen and so is he. Just cause the guy is older does not mean that he is REAL. DO NOT THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND IN THESE ONLINE ROMANCES. you will pay a very stiff price, if you do..as I have.

I meet my true love when I was 15 due to the fact of him being 22 at the time caused many problems and others interfering. So I was departed from him and life went on. Marriages happened and children came into both of out lives. And 28 years later after I left my husband he friended me on Facebook. We meet for the first time and it was like nothing had changed between us. Since then he left his wife and we are starting our life together. But sometimes regardless of age true love does happen. And love doesnt always come to people at the right time or the right age. But when it does you should hold on to it because life is to short

whatever you say is true to some extent i feel you are narrating a true story you had experienced in adolescence,it was sad your mom stopped it abruptly,but age and nationality ,tribe of origin is no bar ,you may fallin love again with your soul mate of your choice and imagination in internet sites,never know when CUPID will strike ,you be on the lookout and be sensitive!

Not just good advice,But great advice my friend! I have been single for three years now…….When the one for me showes up I will know. Because I know now what I am looking for in a partner! keep up the good work.

I have been in that predictament already. It is no fun. Now I am married and my husband and I have had some problems with a few things. Anyhow this guy I was friendly with it was innocent a hi or hello then the emails and texts started coming in he was having marriage problems so I thought being friends like only maybe I could give him a word of encouragement, but thinking also wow that is what I am dealing with here. So it was helping or so he said on his part. I felt good that I helped a friend out and he said if ever I needed to talk he would listen, so I beleiveed him. Then after telling him a few days later he would say something sweet and then it went to more then that he was saying and I was falling for it hook line and sinker. Without realizing what was starting to happen I fell into waiting for his emails, texts just so we could start back where we had left off last. We were both getting into these conversations and then without any warnings or hints he said I am going back to my wife to work it out. My heart sank I felt used abused and so torn here it was my marriage was very rocky and bumpy for sometime, a guy played my emotions against me and then to have it stomped on, I cried for a week because this guy said everything that I was waiting and hoping my husband would say when he got better. I was devastated to think I was falling for a guy that does this. I felt stupid and low. My husband is still trying to get better we found had found out he is depressed, anqiety issues, ocd and mild case of bipolar. So you see why I was falling for this guy that had all the right words when I needed to hear them most. I advise others to take a step back as hard as it may seem and look at the whole picture not what you want to see or think you see in it. It is better safe then sorry and hurt.

I had the thing, the friendship, and all the above with guy who has been my everything for 6yrs. Now we have been broken up or seperated for about 2 weeks because of him cheating with various amounts of women. Now I really don’t know what to think

what i feel is not my hormones..my hormones has been gone years ago..i dont want to be best friend..i want to be more than.that..i want to be your girlfriend. i want to be your lover..if it is possible…you are the only guy i been going with…all i want to go out for dinner …watch t,v, and dance a little..for a start….you know im not the best you had…i been a little slow with the dancing thing….

Marceea I think you are very wise, and if every women took heed to your advice, well they would be happy. I am lucky that I have only been with one guy in 3 years. I think it helps to be best friends with the guy that you date! I know for me thats the best way to go.