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Topic: Cat Etiquette (Read 5383 times)

I believe this belongs in the humor category because cats don't read, and even if they could, they probably wouldn't bother with trying to improve on their etiquette. But here's my personal list of etiquette for the cat who desires never to behave badly:

1.Litter box etiquette: please cover the product of your activities when you are finished. Truly, whether you share a litter box with your feline housemates or are the only cat occupant in your home, please take a few seconds to gently place some litter over your....results. It's never polite to leave it for the next cat to clean up, or worse, your human companions, who cleans up after you every day and makes the litter clean and fresh for you. A little consideration goes a long way.

2. Try not to create extra mess with the litter. Of course, it's expected that a few grains of litter will cling to your fluffy paws and fall outside the box as you exit. However, while it's appreciated that you're trying to cover your waste, you don't need to be over-zealous about it and kick paw-fulls of litter outside the box. The litter box is not a toy, and it's not for playing sandbox. If you really want a sandbox to play in, if I ever win the lottery I'll build you a special playroom. Until then, please don't throw the litter around.

2. Don't over-eat and then vomit, and then go back for more. You're not citizen of Ancient Rome, and this house is not a vomitorium. Yes, we put the dry food out for you to graze on, but that policy may change soon per the vet's advice. Gorging, then vomiting, then going back for more is not going to win you cuteness points. You're just wasting food, now.

3. If you MUST vomit or cough up a hairball, please do so on an easy to clean surface, such as a linoleum floor. Do NOT vomit in your food bowl, mommy's shoes, our bed, on any piece of furniture, or the middle of the living room. Your human companions don't come along and vomit in YOUR bed, so please extend the same courtesy.

4. Refrain from caterwauling in the middle of the night. Yes, we understand that you're a nocturnal creature, and that you enjoy certain activities in the hours from 10 pm to 6 am. However, when you feel the urge to sing your favorite opera, please do so in a remote area of the house, instead of wandering around our bedroom as we try to sleep. If you crave the applause of an audience, try moving your performance to an hour when we are awake and can give you the approbation you deserve.

5. If you MUST fight with your feline house mates, try to choose an remote area of the house. Wrestling on top of mommy and daddy when they're trying to sleep is just...well, rude. See rule #4 above.

6. Stop beating up the dog. Seriously, you've lived together a long time now. You don't have to punch her in the face just for walking near you. Violence of any kind is frowned upon by etiquette, especially when it is unprovoked.

7. Please refrain from sitting on people's newspapers, books, magazines, keyboards, notebooks, smartphones, etc. when they are in use. If you would like to get on the Internet, please wait your turn. And, stop chewing on the magazine. Just because there's a publication called Reader's Digest, it doesn't mean books are food products. Please consult your thesaurus for further details. (But don't eat it.)

8. Please put away your toys when you are finished. It's a good habit to get into to pick up your mousy and put him back in the toy box when you are finished mauling him, instead of getting bored halfway and walking off to do something else. Items left on the living room floor are unattractive and a tripping hazard for humans.

9. Learn to share your toys. It seems you're never interested in playing with the yarn ball unless your brother is enjoying it. And then you try to take it from him, and a fight ensues. Either learn to play together nicely or wait your turn.

10. Learn to share the catnip. Just because your sister comes along and enjoys the amount we put out for her doesn't mean you are allowed to go over and smack her and then eat hers, too. There's plenty to go around.

11. Please refrain from hogging the bed, chair, couch, or whatever piece of furniture. Humans have the right to enjoy using them, too. So if we politely request you move over, please do so, and try to refrain from complaining so much when you reluctantly do. And when one of us gets up during the night to use the restroom, please stop stealing our spot on the bed. Is that too much to ask?!

12. Please refrain from blocking our view of the TV screen. Yes, we know you love attention. But you're not made of glass. Thank you.

Well if you don't mind, I'll add one in (I think the other thread is set up a bit differently)

Please don't beg relentlessly for me to open a door and then walk away uninterested when I give in. Yes, I know it is fun to watch the human jump to do your bidding, but at some point, I just start feeling used

Kitties, I realize that while you may not agree, I AM allowed to go into my bedroom and shut the door. I know you are sitting in the hallway, so it is patently unnecessary to beat on my bedroom door with your head/paws.

I do have a cure, though. Neither of mine are overly big on being picked up. So if they wind around my legs while I'm sitting there, I pick them up for an enforced cuddle. When I put them down, they take off and leave me alone.

Logged

After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice: If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.

I do have a cure, though. Neither of mine are overly big on being picked up. So if they wind around my legs while I'm sitting there, I pick them up for an enforced cuddle. When I put them down, they take off and leave me alone.

See, with our big grey kitty, this would be the perfect way to ensure you spend WAAAY more time in the powder room than you wanted to, because she is a love bug and will demand MOAR LUVZ!

When your humans are going to the restroom please refrain from sitting in their laps. They have been doing this for years and do not need any assistance whatsoever. The only reason you are not booted off is because you are cute. If you are a kitten, this ends at about the 11 mo. mark... maybe even sooner if you are a really big cat. Enjoy the sitting on the human while it lasts.

Do not, I repeat do not climb on counters, stoves, and tables. It is rude and unsanitary and drives your humans nuts. Just don't do it. Ever.

Do not romp about in the tub at o'dark o'clock when your humans are trying to sleep. You must realize they have to work in the mornings to provide noms and litter and toys for you. If they do not work, you do not get fed. Remember this.