President to move Christmas to 1/8/10- cites decline in consumer spending

Obama speaking to members of the Change Christmas Coalition (CCC) earlier this morning.

Washington D.C. – President Obama met with members of the National Holiday Committee earlier today to allegedly discuss the official postponing of Christmas this year until January 8, 2010. The President, and many of his chief financial advisors, feel that the two week delay should provide the economy with a much needed jolt heading into the new year. The theory is that by allowing those Americans who are still employed to collect another paycheck, they would spend more on gifts for the holidays. This would in effect, extend the holiday shopping season well into next month.

Given the controversial nature of such a decision its understandable why the President had been trying to keep the plans a secret. Especially, when you consider that Obama would be the first President to ever request a delay of a national Holiday. The President has reportedly made it clear that all he wants to do is delay the gift-exchange portion of the holiday, and not Jesus Christ’s birthday. However, news of the possible Christmas move is already rubbing some Americans the wrong way.

As expected, FoxNews has devoted a lot of coverage to Obama's plans to change Christmas.

Most of the President’s opposition is bound by the common idea of not wanting government to intervene into their religious and festival affairs, especially on the day of their savior’s birth. “This is unconstitutional and down right offensive, the government has no power to reschedule Jesus’ birthday like that,” said James Tooker, a concerned citizen at an Pro-Xmas rally. He later added, “I mean, if Jesus and his buddies needed a couple extra bucks, you know… I don’t think he’d ask Obama to move his birthday two weeks.” Another pro-Xmas supporter present at the rally was Gail Stevens, who was holding up a sign that read- MOVIN’ X-MAS IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL. When she was asked to point to the exact clause in the Constitution where it is stated that Obama cannot move Christmas, the woman declared, “you want a specific clause huh?… how ’bout Santa Clause — I don’t think his name having the word clause in it is any coincidence.” The movement to keep Christmas unchanged seems to be gaining momentum as FoxNews announced today that it will be organizing numerous “grassroots” pro-Xmas protesting events in the upcoming weeks. Read more of this post

Court decides Beck can’t ‘rape and kill’ domain name

The master and his apprentice.

The alleged victim of a rape and murder in 1990 can now breathe a sigh of relief knowing those seeking justice on her behalf will not be silenced by the likes of Glenn Beck any time soon. That’s because the FoxNews show host, and rumored suspect, Glenn Beck lost his lawsuit against Isaac Eiland-Hall over the domain name of his site – glennbeckrapedand murderedayounggirlin1990.com. This decision has made it safe again to ask the question at the heart of the controversy- Did Glenn Beck rape and kill a woman in 1990? And, if he didn’t why hasn’t he denied the allegations?

Due to Beck’s silence on the issue, concerned Americans are no closer to answering the question today than when the story broke back in the beginning of September. The site in question was created almost immediately after news of Beck’s possible involvement in the 1990 rape became public. The site has become the headquarters for concerned citizens devoted to discovering the truth behind the vicious rumor that Glenn Beck raped and killed a woman in 1990. Although Beck has not publicly addressed the allegations, he clearly wants these rumors to go away as evidenced by his botched attempted cover up, which was debunked right here on UnreasonablySafe.com.

The decision is a significant win for not only vaginal rights advocates, but also for freedom of speech lovers too. Because had the ruling gone in Beck’s favor, it would’ve surely discouraged the public from investigating more unsolved 1990 Glenn Beck rape and murder cases. Although, the court remained silent on the actual rumor itself, its ruling clearly leaves the door wide open for further questioning of Beck’s supposed innocence. Some have even suggested that based on Swiss customs, the court’s silence actually means that it is interested in hearing Beck’s side of the story and he should promptly confirm or deny the allegations in a very detailed affidavit. Others were less sympathetic, one anonymous observer of the Beck case said, “regardless whether WIPO is in Switzerland or not- the fact is we let him walk out of that courtroom without handcuffs. I mean and we had him in our midst and we let him walk right out the front door- we should have busted him for rape and murder and asked questions last. It’s likely that the poor woman in 1990 would have wanted it that way- because I’m pretty sure he didn’t ask for permission before he raped her and killed her.”

Surprisingly, Beck’s supporters have joined his detractors in openly criticizing him and his lawsuit for being deceptively hypocritical. Many cite his characterization of the freedom of speech as, “our most precious right” and people’s ability to speak out as “the supposed watchdog of our Republic.” Beck seems to think the First Amendment only applies when he’s the one hurling offensive insults and allegations, and not when he becomes the target of allegations. Because, while Beck was claiming his freedom of speech protected his brand of incendiary rhetoric from White House criticism of FoxNews, he was simultaneously trying to prevent others from exercising their right to speak out against him. Read more of this post

FoxNews claiming Obama’s newly planted tree will lead to communism

Headline on FoxNews.com yesterday: "Timebomb Tree"

WASHINGTON D.C. – Last week President Obama planted a tree in the White House North Lawn. The tree planting ceremony lasted all of five minutes and was sparsely covered, if at all, by the mainstream media. In fact, there was no more than ten reporters in attendance.

Yet the same ceremony that barely registered not even so much as a blip on other news casts, has been exhaustively covered for five consecutive days by the only network brave and honest enough to report the truth- FoxNews. Much of FoxNews’ coverage has focused on claims that the tree would lead to the spread of communism, and on questions surrounding Obama’s choice of wardrobe and gardening tools.

T.R.E.E. = The Reality is Everything Ending

Last Thursday FoxNews’ Glenn Beck devoted his entire program to showing viewers just how the tree would lead to communism. Beck warned- “America, you need to wake up and realize whats going on here, its no coincidence the type of tree Obama planted is the same as the one Stalin planted during his first year as leader of the Soviet Union.” Beck added, “it really began to come together for me when I noticed the President was really concerned with how evenly the soil was distributed. Its like I’ve been telling you all along- you have to read between the lines!”

FoxNews claims Obama's shovels refused to grant them an interview.

Beck later went on to draw the tree on his famous chalkboard and labeled each of the tree’s roots as socialism, government intervention, acorn producing, and big spending bills. He scribbled Obama’s name on the trunk of the tree and claimed the planting of the tree signaled the “end of democracy as we know it. Democracy in this country has come full circle, it started with a President who chopped down a tree – and ends with one who planted a tree.” Beck even brought out his signature red phone and said, “notice how Anita Dunn and the rest of them over at the White House haven’t called me yet.” An emotional Beck closed out the show by noting, “Obama isn’t like you and me, just look at him… maybe I’m the crazy one, but do you know anyone who uses a gold plated shovel or wears a suit to plant a tree?” Read more of this post

From left to right: PIMP (Bunny brothel owner Dennis Hof), JOHN (Sean Hannity with pen), and HOOKER (Stacy Swallows or Air Force Amy).

Hooker on Hannity: “he has been gladly paying good money for really raunchy sex with women he barely knows since well before 1990.”

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – An anonymous source close to FoxNews told Unreasonably Safe Reporter the pictures circulating on the internet of Sean Hannity posing with prostitutes were actually leaked by Hannity himself. The source is also claiming that he actually did this to distance himself from the Glenn Beck rape controversy. The well publicized allegations that Beck raped a woman in 1990 has started to catch the attention of the mainstream media. They have been dumbfounded by the same question concerned citizens have yet to get an answer on- ‘If Glenn Beck didn’t rape a woman in 1990, why hasn’t he denied the allegations.’ Despite the growing concerns of citizens nationwide, Beck, Hannity and the rest of the FoxNews crew have remained mysteriously silent on the issue. That is until today, when the photos of Hannity carousing with prostitutes mysteriously began surfacing on the internet.

Apparently, the release of the photos was in response to the recent allegations that Hannity might have had a part in covering up Beck’s rape controversy. Rather than be dragged down by Beck’s problems, Hannity got out in front of the issue and released these pics himself in the hopes of creating a diversion, while also giving himself the opportunity to get his side of the story out before the liberal media was able to spin it. The message Hannity is putting out there is simple, “While it may be true that I used to be a whore monger, I at least paid for sex in 1990.”

Hannity and his honies after a lengthy session of 'in-depth investigatory reporting' and 'hard hitting revealing exposes'

More importantly, the photo leak effectively accomplishes two things. First it distances him from Beck and his rape controversy by creating his own quasi-controversy for people to focus on. Secondly, it serves to create a pretty rock-solid defense. Which is: ‘Sure, I used to squander hundreds of thousands of dollars a year on prostitutes, but that doesn’t mean I have a deep seated hatred of consensual sex. It simply means I used to have a deap seated hatred of non-transactional consensual sex.‘ Read more of this post

Glenn Beck loses another sponsor… his A.A. sponsor

"I was at a recent meeting with the two, and you could almost drink the tension between them," said one AA meeting attendee who prefered to remain anonymous. (Beck pictured at a recent meeting wearing black shirt nearest the camera- and Tipple beside him to his left wearing white.)

You can now add Darenn Tipple’s name to the growing list of sponsors who have dropped the doltish FoxNews show host. Tipple had been Beck’s AA (Alcoholics’ Anonymous) sponsor for the past two years; a feat many thought was impossible considering that in 14 years, none of Beck’s previous sponsors had lasted more than six months. Tipple’s feat did not go unnoticed though, as he was presented with the Medal of Mettle at an AA banquet yesterday. The medal is the highest honor given by the organization, and is only given to those who have shown unbelievable courage to stay sober in the face of insurmountable obstacles.

An emotional Beck at a recent AA meeting.

In an interview with Recovering Drunkard magazine, Tipple claimed that Beck “was impossible to get along with,” and “he felt himself getting dumber the more he got to know Beck.” He went on to say that, “Glenn always insisted that people call him GB,” and “there wasn’t a meeting that Glenn didn’t cry at, sometimes I’d find him all teary eyed before the dang meeting even started.” The experience of sponsoring Beck became so draining that Tipple was even assigned an additional sponsor just to help him hang on to his sobriety. When asked how he felt after telling Beck the news, Tipple jokingly said, “I feel like doing some serious celebrating and getting super sh*t faced, but I’m not.”

On a July 28 Fox News Show Glenn Beck called President Obama a racist who has a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture,” then as if remembering the President was born to a white mother contradicted…err, rescinded his comment seconds later. The damage was done as ColorofChange.org quickly started calling for a boycott of his show, and apparently sponsors listened. A large number of Beck’s sponsors have subsequently dropped him, which Beck has not taken lightly as supposedly he has been spending much of his off camera time alone crying in dark, musty stairwells. How bad is he hurting? Yesterday evil retailing giant Wal-Mart and seven other companies pulled their ads from his show. Among the other 20 companies that have bailed on the blinkered Beck are: GMAC Financial Services, Best Buy, CVS, Travelocity, Geico, ConAgra, RadioShack, Men’s Wearhouse, State Farm, Sargento Cheese and Procter & Gamble.

Hundreds of Beck fans have voiced support for him on a counter-protest Web site, which urges consumers to boycott the advertisers who pulled out of Beck’s show. Judging from Monday night’s broadcast, their efforts seemed to work as there were plenty of new sponsors eager to fill the ad slots, including the following notable companies:

Don’t take me seriously bro!!

Most items and/or articles on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. The information contained on this website is not meant to be taken seriously. Any issues? hit me up at - unreasonablysafe at gmail.

Don’t take the above warning too seriously bro!!

It might be a ploy by those in power that don't want people to know the truth.