Spanning three decades, 70 million copies sold and a bazillion fans worldwide, "The Legend Of Zelda" has cemented itself as one of the greatest video game franchises of all time. Not only does each new "Zelda" game boast breathtaking landscapes, haunting boss battles and unforgettable scores, it's also sure to give Link a bunch of new items to use on his quest to defeat Ganon.

But which of these items is the most awesome of all? Check out this definitive list, forged in the Lost Woods, to discover which item shall live forever in the Temple of Time.

For abbreviation's sake, here's a LEGEND (of "Zelda" games):

LoZ = "Legend of Zelda"

AoL = "Adventure of Link"

LttP = "Link to the Past"

LA = "Link's Awakening"

OoT = "Ocarina of Time"

MM = "Majora's Mask"

OoA = "Oracle of Ages"

OoS = "Oracle of Seasons"

FS = "Four Swords"

WW = "Wind Waker"

MC = "Minish Cap"

TP = "Twilight Princess"

PH = "Phantom Hourglass"

ST = "Spirit Tracks"

SS = "Skyward Sword"

ALBW = "A Link Between Worlds"

Tingle Tuner (WW)

Text Tingle? Too bad there isn't a block function.

Foul Fruit (ALBW)

Clears a room!

Tornado Rod (ALBW)

Link's personal helicopter.

Scoot Fruit (ALBW)

Exit any dungeon (or awkward convo) in a flash!

Bell (ALBW)

One ring of this bell sends a magical broom to carry you away!

Stamina Scroll (ALBW)

Magic Gauge boost suitable for framing.

Red Mail (LttP, OoT, WW, ALBW)

"You're going to look good reducing damage to 35%, I guarantee it."

Blue Mail (LttP, WW, OoT, ALBW)

Cuts damage 50% and gets Link an audition for the Blue Man Group.

Forgotten Sword (ALBW)

Poor sword's dad left him at the grocery store.

Mogma Mitts (SS)

Dig all the way to China World with these.

Fireshield Earrings (SS)

Hyrule does not see gender.

Sacred Bow (SS)

Most powerful bow of all time ... next to Bo Jackson, that is.

Iron Bow (SS)

I thought the Bowflex was the only bow that made you pump iron.

Water Dragon's Scale (SS)

How to train your water dragon.

Goddess Harp (SS)

Not just for angels anymore.

Gust Bellows (SS)

This item really blows.

Digging Mitts (SS)

Employees must wash these before returning to work.

Scattershot (SS)

The shotgun of slingshots.

Raft (LoZ, AoL)

Works in only a few places, who cares?!

Sacred Shield (SS)

More protection than a condom.

Reinforced Shield (SS)

A shield with a bit more confidence.

Iron Shield (OoS, OoA, SS)

Tony Stark-approved.

Goddess Shield (SS)

Stops a curse from hurting Link, but he can still say sh--.

Fortified Shield (SS)

The only shield fortified with 21 vitamins and minerals.

Divine Shield (SS)

This shield can repair itself, unlike my iPhone screen.

Braced Shield (SS)

Can stop electrocution and people from doing the Electric Slide.

Banded Shield (SS)

Banded to make her dance.

Goddess Sword (SS)

Enchanted by Fi (who's far less annoying than Navi).

Sail Cloth (SS)

Like the Deku Leaf but with higher thread count.

Practice Sword (SS)

Practice sword makes perfect sword.

Shield of Antiquity (ST)

Like Likes no like like this shield.

Stamp Book (ST)

Something for Link to do when he retires.

Bow of Lights (ST, ALBW)

This bow may shoot light arrows, but its damage is heavy.

Compass of Light (ST)

Reveals Spirit Tracks leading to the Dark Realm, or as New Yorkers call it, the subway.

Tears of Light (ST)

What I get from walking outside with a hangover.

Sand Wand/Sand Rod (ST/ALBW)

Raises sand into walking platforms. Sadly, not into castles.

Whip (ST, SS)

Who knew Link was into "50 Shades" stuff?

Whirlwind (ST)

Players have to blow into the DS to use ... don't share it with your friend who has the flu.

Spirit Flute (ST)

Restores broken-down railroad tracks.

Lokomo Sword (ST)

#1 Stunnah (of Phantoms).

Recruit's Sword (ST)

aka For Newbs.

Regal Necklace (PH)

Stops wind because royalty doesn't fart.

Phantom Hourglass (PH)

Precursor to the Phantom wristwatch.

Phantom Sword (PH)

Keep slayin' 'em with this Master Sword lookalike.

Oshus' Sword (PH)

Link steals this from an old man. What happened to honor, dude?

Bomblings (TP)

Bombs with legs. Truly terrifying.

Horse Call (TP)

Epona is just one blow away.

Water Bombs (TP)

Fishing made easy.

Fishing Rod (LA, LttP, TP, PH)

Even heroes need a break.

Dominion Rod (TP)

Control statues just like at the end of "Ghostbusters II."

Ball and Chain (TP)

Like my ex, this ball and chain will knock your head off.

Clawshot (TP)

Hookshot but with attitude!

Gale Boomerang (TP)

The Batarang of Link's arsenal.

Hawkeye (TP)

A long-range sniping bow that that doesn't violate Marvel trademarks.

Ordon Shield (TP)

Complete the Ordon set with this lovely number.

Ordon Sword (TP)

Hey, at least it's not wood.

Grip Ring (MC)

For when the local indoor rock climbing gym isn't enough of a challenge.

Kamaro's Mask (MM)

The ecstasy of mask, this one makes you dance all night long!

Ocarina of Wind (MC)

Bird call for the experienced traveler.

Lantern (LttP, FS, TP, ALBW)

Adds +40 Spookiness to any ghost story.

Mole Mitts (MC)

I really dig these gloves.

Cane of Pacci (MC)

Use this at dinner to flip over the table!

Gust Jar (MC)

This jar really sucks.

Remote Bombs (MC)

007 has nothing on Link.

Smith's Sword (MC)

Link's grandfather made this for him. Most family heirlooms aren't nearly as useful.

Moon Pearl (LLTP, FS)

Stops you from turning into a bunny in the Dark World. Unless you like that kinda thing.

Seed Shooter (OoA)

Just like the slingshot, except these seeds go all over town, baby!

Picto Box (WW)

"Say Keese!"

Magic Armor (WW, TP)

The Mario Invincibility Star of Hyrule.

Grappling Hook (WW, PH)

GET OVER HERE!

Telescope (WW)

Keep our eyes on the sea, you perv!

Sail (WW)

YOU try rowing all over Hyrule without one.

Hero's Charm (WW)

See your enemies' life force and your girlfriend's patience dwindle.

Hero's Sword (WW)

The only sword on the island, and you've got it, baby!

Bow-Wow (LA, FS)

Seriously, didn't we see this in a Mario game?

Gnat Hat (FS)

Shrink down to the size of a bug, as long as you're waiting for "Ant-Man" to hit theaters.

Roc's Cape (OoS, FS, MC)

Don't ever pull on Roc's cape (If you smell what he's cookin'!).

Magnetic Gloves (OoS, FS)

Used to attract or repel metal objects. Just don't ask how they don't affect that sword Link has on his back.

The Four Sword (FS, MC)

Create identical copies of yourself so you can save Hyrule while also sleeping on the couch.

Gasha Seed (OoA, OoS)

I'm the Hero of Hyrule, not a farmer!

All Night Mask (MM)

Keeps you up so you can listen to some old bag's story? Zzzzzzzzzzz…

Mask of Scents (MM)

Just don't wear this after your roommate leaves the bathroom.

Circus Leader's Mask (MM)

Step right up, folks, and see a mask with one useless function. Hurry, hurry!

Rickys Flute, Moosh's Flute and Dimitri Flute (OoA, OoS)

Play these flutes and different animals will come help you. If only they did that when I was in middle school.

Garo's Mask (MM)

Allows you to sneak into Ikana Canyon. Whoopie doo.

Gibdo Mask (MM)

A mask so scary, even ghosts get freaked out!

Stone Mask (MM)

When you wear this, guards won't throw you out. Wish I had that when I took my shirt off at the Beyonce concert.

Kafei's Mask (MM)

What are you, a serial killer? Take off that guys face.

Deku Sticks (OoT, MM)

I played with sticks as a kid, too. Not impressed.

Keaton Mask (OoT, MM, WW)

Sadly, doesn't turn you into Michael Keaton.

Silver Scale/Golden Scale (OoT)

Allows Link to dive into deeper waters.

Postman's Hat (MM)

Allows you to tamper with people's mail, but unlike with my nosy neighbor, this time it's legal!

Zora Tunic

Allows you to enter the Water Temple. WHICH IS THE WORST TEMPLE EVER! Screw this tunic.

Giant's Knife (OoT)

This dumb thing breaks after four hits. Andre would be pissed.

Bug Catching Net (LttP, SS, ALBW)

How about ... no.

Bremen Mask (MM)

Wearing this makes animals parade behind you like some Hyrulian Pied Piper.

Magic Powder (LttP, LA)

Transforms enemies into friends! Like when you're the one in your class with a car.

Don Gero's Mask (MM)

Who, me? I'm just the coolest Goron in town.

Fighter's Shield (LttP)

Getting a shield from your uncle is pretty cool. All I got were old Playboys.

Deku Shield (OoT)

Fun until it catches on fire. Then it's even MORE fun.

Wooden Shield (LoZ, OoA, OoS, TP, PH, SS)

Light, durable and totally great to roast marshmallows off of.

Red Shield (LttP)

Keeps you safe from that fireball. Wish I had someone to do that for me at the bar.

Beetle, Hook Beetle, Quick Beetle (SS)

Link was the first to use drone warfare.

Wind Waker (WW)

Finally, band nerds get some respect.

Deku Leaf (WW)

Like a undeclared freshman, glide wherever the wind might take you.

Goron Tunic (OoT)

Use in hot situations like the Fire Temple or couples cosplay.

Hylian Shield (OoT, TP, SS, ALBW)

The only shield Link can buy at Comic Con.

Mirror Shield (LttP, LA, OoT, OoA, OoS, WW, MC)

Show your enemies how ugly they look before dying.

Farore's Wind (OoT)

Just don't break Farore's Wind.

Romani's Mask (MM)

Use it to sneak into the Latté Milk Bar. YOU BAD BOY, YOU!

Spinner (TP)

Link becomes Tony Hawk when he rides this badass item.

Giant's Mask (MM)

Use this to grow 10x in size (for similar results, just eat a bunch of ice cream like I do).

Deku Mask (MM)

This transformation was more of a curse than a benefit, but it is cool to fly on a breeze, baby!

Ether Medallion (LttP)

Control the polar winds. The power of the vortex is yours.

Green Potion (all games)

Restores magic. Drink it up, David Blaine.

Cane of Byrna (LttP)

Ray of light protects you like your own bodyguard.

Nayru's Love (OoT)

A cooler version of the Cane of Byrna, because this time someone loves you.

Stepladder (LoZ)

Use this ... on the ground? Stupid.

Mask of Truth (OoT, MM)

Allows you to read the thoughts of animals, which almost always is "I'm hungry."

Magical Rod (LoZ)

Link's nickname in college.

Book of Magic (LoZ)

Makes your Magic Rod even harder!

Book of Mudora (LttP)

Cheat sheet of old Hyrulian texts.

Fire Rod (LttP, FS, ALBW)

What Link gets after having unprotected sex.

SuperBomb (LttP)

Only thing that can crack Ganon's pyramid, and what Eli Manning throws in the 4th quarter.

Magical Key, Small Key, Boss Key (all games)

The best place to hide a key? In an ornate treasure chest!

Cross (AoL)

Is Jesus Hyrule's fourth god?

Lens of Truth (OoT, MM)

Allows the wearer to see through illusions, like when your roommate fills your liquor bottles with water.

Magic Cape (LttP)

Wearing it makes you invisible, just like me at my high school prom.

Clawshot

Hanging tough.

Shovel (LttP, LA, OoA, OoS, FS, PH)

A precursor to Minecraft, Link ruined many a relationship by digging all weekend.