Counselor: Grieving children shouldn’t be forced to talk

SAN ANDREAS - Parents and other adults can help grieving children by listening carefully but also by not forcing children to discuss a painful loss when they are not ready, said David Sackman, deputy director of behavioral health for Calaveras County.

SAN ANDREAS - Parents and other adults can help grieving children by listening carefully but also by not forcing children to discuss a painful loss when they are not ready, said David Sackman, deputy director of behavioral health for Calaveras County.

Sackman spoke Monday as county residents grappled with the loss of Alex Marshall and Macaila Marshall, who were shot to death last week by their father, Phillip Marshall, who then killed himself.

"It's important to let kids know they are not to blame when bad things happen," Sackman said.

Sometimes, just staying physically close, rather than talking, can be what a grieving child needs, Sackman said. "They need a lot more hugs and support."

Sackman said parents in coming weeks might also see children who start arguments or engage in risky behavior. Such acting out can be a way for a person to distract himself or herself from the pain of the grief, he said.

Sackman said that the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has a helpful pamphlet that offers parents guidance on grief in children of various ages. It is attached to this story.