Decluttering : Wisdom

Posted on February 27, 2016

“Have nothing in your house that you don’t believe is useful or beautiful“, they say. I started my simplify journey with that advice in mind. And soon, it wasn’t enough. There is a difference in information and wisdom. The advice was too broad and easy. Too many beautiful things can lead to unappreciation and anxiety. And I needed to define the term ‘useful’. If I use a certain gadget once a year, is it useful ? Should I keep it ? I created my own guide.

*Its not the empty space but what remains that matters!

There are so many decluttering guides out there. Marie Kondo is practically a rockstar ! The latest trend in fashion is to throw clothes away. And feel good about ‘donating’. I have been at it for the last year. Slowly at first, then all in at once and then slowly again. I want to emphasize : each person’s situation is unique and a one solution fits all is a bad approach to this problem of clutter. I have leant some do’s and dont’s that are applicable to me. Hopefully anyone reading this will ponder and find a way that works for them – not blindly follow the advice on the internet.

WHAT AND WHY ?

I made a mistake. I had lived in a big apartment by myself for 3 years. I had acquired whatever I could without really thinking too much about if it contributes to my closet, home & life. With it, came a certain guilt that is experienced by folks who want a simple life but are surrounded by excess. Yes, I could have held on to it all, forced myself to use it or stored it away to lessen the guilt. But I decided to declutter. It was a year long process.

WHAT IT’S NOT :

When ever i read “Declutter to make space for the new” or “cleanse and find holes for closet completion” or “items you need in your capsule closet now”, its usually bad advice. They treat decluttering as a sport : throw, perform similar actions, refresh, declutter on repeat. French 5 challenge lets you buy 5 items a season – another kind of sport. “Throw, throw, throw” is the gist of so many guides. I think we need to declutter responsibly. Think and evaluate better.

*Be mindful of becoming a source of pollution

FIRST THINGS FIRST :

Disposable fashion/goods/attitude is killing the planet. Know that even when decluttering for the right reasons, you are being a part of the problem that treats resources as disposable. Some call it donating. Some call it decluttering. So call it use-and-throw. I did a big round of decluttering. I want this to be a one time mistake rectification with big lessons learnt. Having items that do not live their full life cycle serving their purpose can be classified as waste making me a source of of pollution. I understand that.

PROBLEM AREAS

I am assuming nobody is drowning in excess in every category. My problem areas – sleep clothes, jackets, shoes, socks, scarves, having more bottoms than tops, kitchen props, exotic condiments, never-to-be-read books, skin care samples given to me by my dad and Sephora, … to name a few. Florie from The Nife en l’Air writes about identifying the reasons behind the problem – fantastic read !

ORGANIZE Vs DECLUTTER :

Moving into a bigger space, building a bigger closet, storing half of my closet in a box under the stairs, … will lighten the guilt and create the illusion of empty space. If I shove those 2 pairs of heels that I never wear into a nice box, it doesn’t make it less wasteful. I rather give it to someone who will use them. This was my intention.

STANDARD RULES

1. Anything that hasn’t been used for an extended period of time.

They recommend a “t” = 1 year as the cut off. Instead of some arbitrary time “t”, my cut off – was it used at least 5 times in the last six months. This excludes seasonal items of course. I think it’s too much of a luxury to own things that may get used once a year.

2. Sentimental items that positively will never get used.

For me, it’s all in paper. My sentimental keepsakes are maps and love letters. I dont keep toys, unworn clothing, inherited home goods, presents, etc if they dont suit my needs. I have always been ruthless about it. I did size down my map collection – and I regret it.

3. Things that do not fit current lifestyle.

I had a phase when I lived with girl roommates and we would go out dancing on Friday nights. Or make trips to Vegas. Not anymore. Cutoff denim shorts – inherited by a friend. Sparkly heels – inherited by a friend. Studded chiffon “Vegas” dress – sold. One little black dress is enough. I have the confidence that I can style it in multiple ways and never be bored of wearing it.

4. Things that don’t get used because of their upkeep.

Wool, suede and silk. I got comfortable with washing silk and wool. But suede, no. I have sold some shoes and am ready to sell more. Cast iron and wood. I have learnt to season my pans and wooden boards finally ! No more fear of the rust/mould.

*peace after a sunset

5. Repair > replace

If it needs repair, please do not throw or give to charity shops. The sorters at donation centers have so much stuff that they make mark the less than perfect item to a landfill or textile dump. For me, if the price of repair is half the price of the item, I would get it repaired. I am serious when I say I want my shoes to last me a decade. High quality worn in items do not look shabby and sometimes become beautiful as they age.

6. Anything that you dislike and are keeping out of guilt

Polyester/Acrylic clothing from my years of shopping in Zara. Legging-jeans ( My father was the one who finally told me I can’t wear them unless I was working in the clubs. I agree! ). Pointed toe shoes that also double as skin peeler. White sneakers because I am a fashion victim….

7. Things I paid money for and am forcing myself to use just for that reason.

This rule was hard for me to implement. Fast fashion and low quality items – yes. I could let them go. But the well made items that I could not sell, I found ways to use them. I have a Steven Alan chambray shirt that I bought on sale. I do not like the fit and they did not allow returns on sale items. I force myself to wear it from time to time because I spent the money. And its fine. I dont think I am that important that I throw well made items on a whim or dislike of little detail. Perfection is overrated. ( And I am from a third world country. ) I can use it and will use it. If everyone was so whimsical, the planet will have no chance.

8. Anything that I could use x5 times a year out of guilt but could be used x100 times by someone else out of necessity

In the previous rule, I talked about a certain shirt that I wear because it’s expensive. I do use it more than 10 times a year. I had a pair of blue Ralph Lauren jeans that got donated because I couldn’t even meet my 5 times a year threshold. I wear black denim and kept these ones for years because everyone told me I need blue denim. No I don’t ! I don’t miss them at all.

9. Know what to store and what to let go – the 5%

I have this beautiful thin strapped blue dress that doesn’t get a lot of wear. But every time I do, it turns heads and makes me carry myself differently. My girlfriends ask me if they can borrow it. My husband remembers it. I have a very small percentage of my closet space/home dedicated to some not-so-everyday-items that make my heart sing. Too many of such items dilutes the appreciation. Balance is the key and I have just the right amount.

10. Stop shopping

This should be the number one rule for anyone doing a round of decluttering. Use what you have. Commit to what is yours. Get out of the cycle of cull and shop. It’s not a sport. No decluttering guide makes sense if there is a large volume of incoming goods. I see Youtube “Haul” girls make decluttering videos followed by haul videos. They made the whole thing a joke. I am working on taming my purchases.

Coming Next : Declutter: Mistakes & Decluttering: Side Effects. I have reached a sort of happy place. I feel like I can move on and not spent the vast amount of energy I once spent downsizing. I am writing this three part Declutter series as a conclusion of sorts to my last years efforts. I would like to write about other topics but strongly felt that I need to get this out of the way before I talk about anything else. It’s not about what you don’t have but about what remains, right ?

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14 Comments

I don’t understand throw clothes away and buy all again. My wardrobe is full of colors. I love them. I can’t live my life wearing black, grey and white. I am a blue jeans person, but I have 4 pairs in rotation. I have 40 shirts, egiptian cotton and silk, all colorfull. I numbered every one, and I wear all of them until come back to number 1. I never lost my time chosing clothes. Just pick the number of the day. Simple, like un uniform. Declutter? Why? I love all myt clothes, I bought them because I loved them.

1. Throw and buy – eek ! I would never support mindlessly throwing stuff out.
2. Mine is full of color too. I wear blue dresses almost every day. And army green, red and purple are my favorite colors. Infact, I do not like the neutrals white, tan, beige, brown, … or the white and blue marinare top that every blogger likes. I do love the color gray though. Gray with gold accessories is my fav.
3. When folks who used to love color/feminine stuff suddenly throw out all their clothes and dress alike : chambray shirts, striped tops, beiges,… I wonder “What ever happened to personal style? They all look like clones”.
4. I love picking out clothes in the morning too. It is one of my fav activities – i have my dream closet. When I read ‘closetful of clothes and nothing to wear”, I just dont get it. Perhaps they do not have enough basics ?

That being said, I will tell you why I decluttered.
1. I lived in an huuge apartment by myself and now live with my husband in a tiny tiny cottage. Had I kept everything, our current home would look like a dumpster.
2. My Ralph Lauren blue jeans were getting worn twice a year out of guilt – what a waste. My friend who inherited them wears them 10 times a month. To me, its a great deal ! I grew up with five sisters and in a big family. We shared/inherited everything. My mother is the most generous person I know. She would try to volunteer to provide for the needs of her friends and family. Me giving something away does not feel like a loss of wealth to me. Me wasting something – feels awful.
3. Age changes – its real my friend. After I turned 30, tiny shorts and skirts no longer seem appropriate. Tight anything (jeggings) seems unnecessary. I now teach at the University. I carry myself differently. I want my closet to reflect me.
4. I was more whimsical than I would like to admit. I made mistakes out of ignorance about fabric – polyester, neoprene, tencel, paper thin cotton, jersey, etc.
5. I am at that stage where I really like fewer things. My priorities are living in different cities, in tents, in airBnBs, in camps, in friends living rooms, in research labs, … It was a lifestyle change and the mind set change came with it. I really do not want to own more. It feels like a burden. I dont want a big house in the suburbs. My dreams are different.
6. I just had too much. Way more than what you describe what you have in your closet. My current closet resembles what you describe.

I always forget that I’m a brazilian woman reading american blogs. We, here, pay very expensive for our clothes. Unlike americans. We pay much more atention when expend money. And we don’t have that amout of clutter. I can’t realize american problem clutter . It’s normal, here, to live in apartments of 50, 60 square meters. It’s a good apartament. Big ones or big houses are about 120 m². Middle class, of course. I enjoy your blog very much. Thank you.

That is true. When I lived in India, I really was so much more careful with my money. I am much more relaxed in America. But I am going backwards to my roots again. Hence this struggle. Unlearn the easy spending habits that I picked up.

And thank you for chiming in your perspective. And some one from Brazil is reading my words, makes me happy 🙂

We all have made mistakes,a few or a lot. I think you’ve reached the main problem and its resolution. Great to read about it.
NOW it is time to become conscious,to learn from our mistakes,to think about and to act. To question one’s action, to make clever choices,to make use of the things one has…
How am I living,what am I doing,what makes me really happy,how have I changed-are some of questions for myself.
Have a nice Sunday
Dottoressa

I LOVE this post. Housekeeping guides all recommend the don’t use it in a year, get rid of it rule. But one of my friends- maybe I already said this before- had surgery on her knees. She used to be a runner, so she was lean and trim, but her body already changed after surgery. She’s going to get back to her runner’s body, but recovery will take about a year. How can anyone expect her to get rid of all her clothes and buy new again, when she’s just going to need them again after? If something still has the tags on it and hasn’t been worn over a year, maybe I get it. If something hasn’t fit in twenty years, okay. And I agree that there are certain emotional things you want to hang on to. My brother in law’s grandma saved her wedding dress. Fifty years later she wore it again for their anniversary. My friend had, for her wedding, a dance where a woman who had been married twenty years, another who had been married 30, 40, 50 etc. come out in their wedding dresses and dance with their husbands. It was lovely. My wedding dress is currently being swapped and reswapped amidst my friends, so if I ever want it back I know where to go (It doesn’t fit anymore). But I’m glad that my mom kept a box of our baby clothes and one box of our mementos. That’s all we need, and it’s a comfort to look through sometimes.

I wish more “guides” make you think and customize the guidelines. One rule fits all is based on an assumption that we can’t think for ourselves. Getting pregnant, falling ill, injuries,… are special cases. My best friend just had a baby and her life is so different now. Her beautiful silk blouses would be covered in spit up. She carefully stored them for the day when her baby is more grown up. I think we should all come up with our own standards and numbers. Buying or owning something that will be used ONCE a year still sounds incredulous to me.

Yes to all of this! Personally, in an attempt to avoid falling victim to trends, I’m constantly reminding myself to “love the one you’re with,” or rather, “love the things you have.” Perfect example would be that I keep lusting after the simple, cognac leather tote trend (e.g., Madewell Transport) but then I remind myself that my black canvas Everlane tote with brown leather straps that I got for $20 is actually really nice & maybe I should just use it more! I had also convinced myself that I need a new pair of black Nike Free’s for commuting by bike, but really there’s nothing wrong with my old black Vans. So far it seems to be working haha.

I can think of two instances when I was a victim to the trends – white sneakers and a certain neoprene dress from Zara inspired by Herve Leger’s bandage dresses. Although my outfits looked good with the white sneakers, it always felt odd and out of place. The neoprene dress did nothing more than emphasize the shape of my body. My curves arrived before I did, when I entered a room. Not my style.

Now that I let go the unnecessary, that is my mantra too. “Commit to what is mine” ! My shoes leave my home only if they have holes and my cobbler can not fit them. I am keen on seeing the end of the life cycle of everything I currently own.

About the bike commute, I am ruining my nice flats faster than usual because of the kind of racer pedals I use. I may have to make the switch soon.

I am learning that if I sleep on it for 15 days, I get over most things ! Thats a relief.

Oh yes to this update, I love your reflexions on decluttering. A lot of persons on the Internet agree that it is not about throwing everything you do not wear and compulsively research the perfect pair of jeans that you need to add to your brand new capsule wardrobe. But few actually write in details about their journey. I enjoy reading yours, it feels like reflexions a friend would tell me about in front of a hot tea, interesting and inspiring. I don’t have much to add, except: You had Vegas dresses, I had Clubbing red patent heels, now we both have hiking boots 😉