travel tales & silly stories

My travel adventures have resulted in some incredible travel stories over the years. Some are uplifting tales of the best of people, some are an overview of our biggest challenges in this world, but most of all - they are my experiences. Not just of the physical kind, but of the emotional kind. Unforgettable experiences that have been burnt into my psyche.

We did another group motorbike tour from Hue and it was definitely a highlight of the trip. The dozen of us and our “drivers” headed off into the surrounds of Hue in the misting rain to visit the Royal Tombs, have lunch made by the nuns at the local convent (can’t remember the Buddhist equivalent), visit a gorgeous pagoda and generally hoon around the back alleys/lanes/rural areas of Hue. It was great and the fact that it was raining was superb as we were the only people at each location we visited.

To start the day, we visited a local village and market where there is a quite famous old lady who tells fortunes. She doesn't charge but takes tips (same same but different again!) and seeing as we were there…. we pretty much all did it.
Most of the young girls were going to be married twice (she keeps up with society it seems) and have 2-3 children, get a big house at some stage etc etc… Not really earning her money there. But she hit me on the head in a big way. Insisted I had 2 children. A boy and a girl who were same same but different. I’ve never heard twins explained like that but it would apply I guess. Was insistent even though I kept telling her that I had no kids. It flat out didn't occur to me until later what she was getting at (we had twins still born in 1999). I think she thought I was trying to put her to test. Right on the money – but then again – you can interpret anything that you want to. She was pretty funny in some things she said to others and we all had a good laugh. And it was 20,000 well spent just for the fun of it. Around a buck.

We learned how to make incense which is much harder than it looks and the ladies that do it make 4000 sticks an hour. Stuff that! I don’t want to know what RSI issues they have later in life.

We returned to Hue via boat along the Perfume River which was a slow trip and of course went via the wood carvers just in case you wanted to buy something. By this stage the “you buy you buy” was wearing very thin. I’m sure Vietnam was awesome a decade ago but it’s very much “tourist Asia” now and is exhausting when you are there to see things and not lie on the beach and shop. It gets really hard not to be rude and if possible they are even more insistent with their sales pitch than Thailand or even Kuta.

But the highlights of the day for me was getting some great photos in the overcast weather and my favourite photo of the trip, which I had to try and take in very bad light in a hurry so while the quality is crap I LOVE the composition. Its a young monk in training sitting in a doorway reading his books in semi-darkness with a single light casting a glow over his back toward his book. His total disregard for the tourists browsing the tombs and dedication to his studies was pretty inspiring.

Day two we headed over to the Imperial Palace which is an old city surrounded by a huge moat, walls and scary statues and is amazing in the quality of buildings and its size. It’s great that an ancient city like this has been so well preserved especially as Hue was very heavily affected by bombing during the war. Hard to explain the appeal so I will leave it to the photos. Again we got lucky with the weather. It was raining all day that day so the hoards stayed away and we got to browse on our own and get some great “tourist free” photos.

Not much else to report of Hue (say Hway), but it was a nice city and great to see the Unesco supported Ancient City.

Young monk in training.

Some people can sleep anywhere!

Grave diggers happy to pose, Hue cemetery.

In Summary:

Hue is a great example of a local Vietnamese community. Despite the Royal Tombs and the other tourist attractions in the area, it maintains a lot of its charm. The town is very "untouristified" with the exception of a small few blocks of restaurants and bars. It is a great chance to see the real Vietnam.

After yet another overnight train we head into Hanoi at 5am. That’s in the morning. You know EARLY – and as it turns out FREEZING! How can it possibly be so very cold only 700kms from our last city. Its crazy cold. Well it is for us Gold Coasters…

So first stop – scarf, gloves and beanie from street vendor. Paid equivalent of $5 but all three. I know he’s fleecing me (bad choice of words considering the climate) but WTF – did I mention I’m freezing!

We are staying just outside the Old Quarter right near the train station. Very handy if you want to catch a train of course and for Brad and myself great that we have to walk ½ hour to get to the quarter as it gives us a chance to get lost every time we go or come from anywhere. The Old Quarter and lake are the original skinny streets with all the same type of vendors lining each street. You want a funeral wreath – just one street will give you an amazing opportunity to purchase all you require for a great send off. Hammer? Spanner – try the hardware street – or Bunnings as we were calling it.

I'm assuming this was a fan repair shop, but that is just an assumption...

The local markets on one side of the Quarter are probably the best “local” markets I have ever seen. They have almost no westerners at all and after a little old lady planted me on my arse in the middle of the offal isle, I can see why your average cruise ship tourist wouldn’t go there. She was little, and old, and in a very big hurry and I must make you aware she was carrying a very big basket which she used to just smash me. I literally landed flat on my butt and she just yelled at me and jumped over me and kept going. Yes I did say jumped. Feisty!! This market is so very crowded that you have to push your way through to just get to the next stall and at times you have to look up and see the light to remind yourself that you will, one day soon hopefully, get out of there.

​So there I am on my butt with what had to be 40 little Vietnamese people grabbing and pulling me back onto my feet. I felt like Gulliver! It was hilarious – it friggin hurt, but I’m still giggling here writing about it. So after about 15 minutes, the Gulliver incident and a mild to serious claustrophobia attack we emerged out the other side relatively unscathed. Bizarrely – it was the only time in the entire time we spent in Vietnam that we didn’t get asked to buy something. In a market. Huh?? Who can explain. Maybe because there wasn’t room to get your wallet out…

Night on the Old Quarter Hanoi

We were pretty much “War’d” out by this stage so spent a day just wandering Hanoi. The lake near the old quarter is the best viewing spot for all things Vietnam. And it was so cold that it felt so removed from the balance of Vietnam and Cambodia that it was great just sitting drinking the fantastic Vietnam coffee and watching the world go by. Great – until our feet were so numb we could barely walk to get up.

Like everything in Asia, services are pretty cheap so I decided to go and get my hair done. $400,000 dong – which is about $20 for foils. Cool – how bad can it be. Well I think that I was probably the second person ever that they had done foils on. They certainly knew what to do but I got about 12 (yes 12 total) and it took them about an hour to put them in. All sorts of horrible technical issues which I won’t bore you with but I truly believed that I was going to walk out of there with Halle Berry hair. I honestly thought I could see the foils melting the hair off my head. But – to their credit – I seem to have a reasonably full head of hair still. I can’t see the difference at all so who knows maybe they did just melt down the plug hole, but it was a great way to spend the afternoon. In the warm with 6 people fussing over you, the best head massage I have every had and unlimited Vietnamese coffee which is my new favourite thing.

The rarest thing in Hanoi - an empty street!

Top Tips:

Hotels around the lake are off that main esplanade. You have to get into the back streets to find the hotels. Look for the entry ways. There are a lot and they are affordable so you shouldn't have trouble finding one.

Food is everywhere in that Old Quarter, good and affordable.

Nothing really happens till around 10am so if you are up early you will probably have to breakfast at a more western establishment.

Enjoy the coffee - it seemed heaps nicer up here.​​​

In Summary:

Hanoi is a great wandering city. Very traditional (much more so than Saigon) and its really easy to eat well cheap and eating local food. It is of course a jumping off point for Sapa and Halong Bay but you could easily spend 48 hours in Hanoi with nothing planned and have a great time.​

I couldn’t go the first day we were there. Or the second. Finally after the delta I thought I needed to suck it up and pay my respects.Bad decision.Very bad decision.Monumental really in the whole realm of bad decision making.Sometimes I’m fucked in the head.Most of you reading this know me. I suck at these things. I constantly am amazed at the depravity that human beings can show toward each other. I can’t stand any of the “ism’s”, will step in anywhere if necessary, and will defend my friends with sometimes a downright nasty attitude, but worst of all, war traumatizes me. Horribly. But – sometimes a traumatic experience to me, would be mas day to the people who actually went through it. So I declared myself “unprincesslike” and off we went.Brad was nervous from the start – but packed extra tissues bless his cotton socks – and followed me around the entire place with his hand in the small of my back. I couldn’t have made it without him.Its somewhere that words can’t describe. The main hall is mostly differing photo exhibitions. Photo journalist's images things like that. The horror is undefinable.Politics aside, How? How? How? have both sides never been held accountable for actions that have possibly been the worst of any war. Anywhere.We see war tribunals all the time, about this Nazi commander, or that Iraqi dictator, or some other perverted idiot. But somehow (to my knowledge) apart from the odd tearful graphology from some 60 year old american senator for things he was “aware of” in the Vietnam war, I don’t think anyone from either side has every been held accountable. I spent most of the 3 hours in tears. I wasn’t the only one, and for once no-one tried to hide anything. I was standing in front of images, tears streaming down my face and would turn to the next one to see someone else next to me squatting down with their head in their hands.Paige and Laura went the same day we did, and at one point we walked out of one hall to head to another, and Paige was sitting on a bench looking distraught and neither of us had to speak. We just nodded and walked on. Words just don’t work there.As with most photo exhibitions, there is one or two images that stick with you.It wasn’t the Agent Orange photos.It wasn’t the piles of dead and tortured bodies.It wasn’t the total devastation of acres and acres of land.It was an American solder. It was actually 3 images. It was an all too familiar story.“Pete” was a Captain in the American Forces. He had been in the army for 14 years at this point. I have no doubt that he would have done whatever he was told. He was a soldier. It was his career and I suspect his life.Photo 1: “Pete” is talking to his helicopter crews explaining the mission they were undertaking that day.Photo 2: After loosing 3 copters and having taken heavy fire, he was hanging out the side of his helicopter shooting his pistol, holding an injured countryman with his other hand trying to keep him alive.Photo 3: He is in back at camp. In the bathroom. On one knee, head in his hands, sobbing.How many lives were ruined I can’t begin to imagine and all I can hope for is that none of us ever have to see that kind of human depravity again.Days later I am still in tears and I type here, but my very heavy heart was lightened considerably when Thong, our Viet guide explained to me only last night, after I asked him why there has never been any kind of tribunal over this war, that the Vietnamese people all realise that nobody won. In his words “We think both sides did things. Both sides suffered very badly and what good would it do”.Before you say those angry words, take a breath, and think of how easily things can escalate. It all starts somewhere.Lets be a bit nicer, a bit more tolerant and in the words of the ultimate peace keeper, Ghandi, lets “Be the change you want to see in the world. ”Peace & Love,Jn

In Summary:

I can't recommend you do this, however I think everyone should. It's just too hard to tell someone to go and experience that, but how can we not repeat these mistakes if we don't see the horror of it.

Top Tips:

Only go with someone you love and trust.

An endless supply of tissues will help.

Be respectful of others reactions

Don't plan anything for a few hours afterward. You may just need to sit for a while.

Off to another homestay in the Mekong Delta boxing day. We went and checked out the coconut candy factories. Factory being a loose term and consisting of 5 little ladies, cooking, spreading, cutting and wrapping coconut candy. It's actually really nice and kind of like salt water taffee is to toffee. Not what you expect coconut candy to taste like but strangely addictive at the same time.

We also go to try Cobra wine, which is kinda like moonshine. I think Brad and I were the only ones to try it, and a lot of the girls were freaked out by the cobra at the bottom of the bottle, but I figure that they aren’t going to kill off the tourists, so I had one. OK – maybe a few! It was much better than the local rice wine and I could get used to it I guess. When in Rome....

As in most places in Veit, they diversify their attractions and had a yellow python you could get your picture taken with. I hate snakes in boxes and will never do that – it amounts to animal cruelty to me, but I have to say Laura did so so so so well and got her picture taken. She is absolutely terrified of snakes and after a few goes, some screaming, massive heart palpitations and maybe a little pant wetting, she did get it over her shoulder and got a photo. It must be like a dog and sensed the fear, for it promptly snaked its tail up her shorts. I thought she was going to faint, and I very nearlly joined her in the pant wetting situation, although mine was from laughter. You're a pro Laura! Way to face your fears.

We all went biking around the village we were staying at on Coconut Island which is in the middle of the delta. The villages are pretty much divided up by elevated concrete/dirt/gravel paths about the width of one moped that run above the rice paddies everywhere you want to go. Its very very cool, until a moped comes the other way and then you can’t decide whether to keep your speed up (which means balance on a pushbike) and cycle past him on the edge of the drop off, or to stop and get off and get the timing wrong and go in the ditch anyway. Thankfully my “braving it” and just cycling past paid off and no ditch swimming for me!

A Vietnamese drinking game with rice wine followed dinner which saw Paige end up with charcoal all over her face and had some of us 3 or 4 shots of rice wine the poorer. Fun though. The locals love their games and it was fun to get to participate in some way. Our homestay was actually a special dorm they have created so we weren't actually with a family, which seems kind of strange but was fun none the less. We had bunk beds with mosquito nets which felt very much like Asia.

Brad and I got up early and headed out among the village taking photo’s and got some awesome shots, but I have to say those little old ladies are tiny, but they are quick! You get your camera out, lens cap off and they’ve overtaken you on their 100 year old deadly treadly….

After 2 days in the delta we headed back to Saigon which we thought might be a bit confronting after a few days of lazy village life. Not to be however, Saigon as busy as it is, and as cosmopolitan as its becoming, holds that "country town" feeling and it was great to see it again.

There are some amazing buildings and galleries in Saigon and while its very South East Asian in its style, its much much more modern than I would have thought. A great wandering city and Brad and I of course spent pretty much a whole day just walking and photographing, and drinking amazing Vietnamese coffee. If you haven't had it, its coffee made with condensed milk. Very sweet but very yummy.

Only 2 more days in Saigon and we could have easily filled another one at least and of course no visit would be complete without a visit to the War Remnants museum, but that’s another post…

This pic on the right was of an elderly gentleman we met on our early morning delta walk. Through another young boy he managed to tell us that he was probably around 80 (he wasn't really sure how old he was), had 5 children and 21 grand children. I don't know if it was lost in communication but if I understood it correctly, his oldest grand son is somehow involved in the government. In what capacity I couldn't get.

In Summary:

A day trip to the delta just won't do. You need to get in amongst it. While its the farming and fishing centre of Vietnam you can't appreciate life in the delta without getting amongst it. A boat trip around the islands and to the main spots won't cut it.

Top Tips:

Try to find a village home stay. While its not really a family home stay it is a village one and is necessary to see village life.

Do the cycle tour - its fun and you get to see how the villagers really live.

Always have your camera out and ready.

Find the kids - they can help you communicate and get some real life stories.

Don't give the children anything. They ask for lollies and candy - don't give them any. That's not how they live here.

Overnight trains in most Asian countries are very clean, with good amenities and you are able to get some real interaction with the locals. Unfortunately the train to Danang wasn’t really up to scratch. The train doesn’t start in Na Trang, it comes from Saigon, so there have been people on the train before you that get off in Nha Trang and you take their spot. What they do is unload from one end of the carriage and load from the other so the 5 min stop is very efficient. Usually, the staff strip the sheets behind the people who are leaving and just dump a clean folded sheet on the bed and come back later once the train is going and make the little cabin up for you. Usually!This time our sheets were filthy, we had cockroaches everywhere and had to chase up the carriage staff multiple times. Brad and I were OK as we had sarongs that we always have just in case, but our carriage companions were less than impressed and I think a little shocked! But it is Asia – and you do have to go with the flow. So a semi-sleepless night with multiple crawling incidents, we arrived in Danang. You can’t get a train straight to Hoi An so you go to Danang and get a bus from there.Danang is the most “resorty” place in Vietnam. Think China beach or if you’re too young for that – its Bali 15 years ago. Big luxury resorts on the beach for the local and international tourists. Not for us, but very popular obviously.Hoi Ann is about 30ks from Danang and is a river town (about 4kms up from the beach) that has an old quarter that is divine. Shops, tailers, restaurants and hawkers surround the river area and in the evening in particular it really comes alive. It's only small and our hotel was 400 metres from the old quarter so we were really close to the action. Great photo ops and nice weather made this one of the nicest places we visited.

Hoi Ann is the tailering capital of Vietnam. Anything you want they can make.

Brad wanted to have a coat made so off we went. Now you know how you have something in your head and you explain it and they comprehend it and when you get it – it’s nothing like you imagined. Yup that’s Brad’s coat. The ugliest coat in the world but they did exactly what he asked so no bitching allowed.

But we have a base and we can work from there. It is ugly though so we will have our work cut out for us. I got 2 pairs of long boots made. I can never buy boots here as they are never long enough or wide enough for my gumby feet so I took my photo and went to a boot maker. I was only going to get one but at $60USD each (did I mention they are boots custom made for me) I splurged and got 2. One black and one brown.Now…The entire way around Cambodia we heard the “same same but different” quote. Loosely translated it means that goods, services or whatever you are searching for can be found, traded or purchased and while they may not be exactly what you were after they are “same same but different.” This MUST be applied to Vietnam too. My boots are slightly different to my picture but of course, same same but different. So you get what you pay for it seems but they are so minisculely different that it doesn’t matter. You learn to assume nothing, and go over every single detail as if your life depended on it. Cause if you don’t – you get same same but different. And don't accept it. Say no that's not how I want it or you will get it and they will make you pay.

So one ugly coat and two pairs of "close to what I wanted" later our shopping is done!

We did another cycling tour of the back waters of Hoi An which was great. Rice paddies, locals, bullocks, cemeteries and riverside vista’s made all the more lovely by the fresh air and pedal power. A great way to spend the afternoon.
We were having lunch at the nunnery and one of the young girls asked us if we were going to stay up for NYE. What am I 100???? I think she got the message from the look on my face. Poor thing and I am sorry for the brash and immediate reation Hanna, but lets face it you asked for it!Paige and Laura were having dinner with Nic and Adam who were with us in Cambo but decided to do Vietnam on their own – top guys actually, so we head out on our own (as no-one had invited us to join them clearly as we were so old and stodgy). We were wandering looking for somewhere nice to start the evening & who should we encounter but the girls on our trip. I think they were feeling slightly sore about the “staying up” comment so invited us to join them. Which we did. Paige and Laura soon appeared to eat with us and we had a great dinner & drinks. We wanted to catch up with the boys again so we left with P & L to go and have some drinks with the guys.

Nics brothers were there from Aus so we got to meet them, and we all decided to head to the beach. A hilarious taxi ride later there was nothing going on down there, so we decided we better head back. 7 of us crammed in a little taxi, singing Britney at the top of our lungs with a very bemused but highly entertained Vietnamese taxi driver. Once we were back in Hoi An we discovered that a lot of bars were having “1st drink free” situations. Chaos then ensued.

Nics bro lost his iPhone.
We ended up in the street singing with a bunch of Italians what from memory was the world cup song at midnight.
Got pancakes and cocktails at some little food joint at around 1am and staggered home about 2.45.
P & L rocked in about 3.30 I think and what a surprise - all the “party” girls were home in bed before midnight.

Hmmmm…. Maybe next year girls!

The Amendments (check out the Sapa blog for that one) Me, Paige, Brad and Laura NYE 2010

Adam, Laura, Paige and Nic. NYE 2010 Hoi An

In Summary:

Hoi An is very cool. A great little town with everything at your fingertips. Great food, shopping, you can cycle everywhere, the beach is only 4kms away and you can have some clothes or shoes made. We loved it despite it being NYE.

Top Tips:

If you are getting clothes made: insist on what you want. We started "Same or NO!" No Same Same but different. Be really clear up front you want it identical to your picture or you don't want it at all.

Price isn't everything - ensure you are getting a decent tailor. We stopped people leaving the shops with bags and asked them if they were happy until we found someone.

Get out on the cycles. Its great fun and the beach isn't far away.

Check your push bike out thoroughly for condition and safety before you leave the shop.

Don't rush. Sitting by the river on dusk drinking beers and ordering seafood is sublime.

Sihanoukville – Fila our guide kept making us so excited to be heading to the beach. We were all pumped to have a few days relaxing and being in the Gulf of Thailand – Cambodian style.

Unfortunately – primarily only for us – Sihanoukville , while very relaxing, was a slap in the face after the country life we’d been experiencing. It honestly felt like Kuta Beach to us. It was just so strange to head down this rutted dirt road lined with NGO shops and internet cafe’s only to turn at the end and find 3 kms of beach lined with beach chairs and hedonistic tourists clicking their fingers for more beer, massage or cocktail (insert appropriate tourism verb here…). Don't get me wrong, the beach itself is quite lovely but it was just so hard to take after being in "real" Cambodia for a few weeks. It was like everything that is wrong with western tourists going to South East Asia. I literally saw tourists clicking their fingers or abusing the local servers. Disgraceful. What's wrong with people.

We were hoping for some amazing locally caught seafood, but it was to be the last night there before we found any. There are beachside restaurants and bars lining the sand, but they have all learnt to cater to what the tourists want, so if you want to come to a beach in the middle of nowhere and eat Chicken Schnitzel - Sihanoukville is the place for you. It was soul destroying to see the amazing Cambodian food served only off the beach or in little out of the way places. That's where we do usually eat if truth be known, but I just don't get why people come to somewhere outside their comfort zone and then only eat western food. Their loss I guess.

Sihanoukville Beach

The girls and their friends decided they were going to spend the $20 each and use the pool at one of the big resorts. Brad and I decided to take a Tuk Tuk over to Victory Beach which is over the other side of the headland. That was the best decision we made. It was so quiet, and we met some lovely local ladies, who when they realised we weren't going to buy anything just sat with us to chat. 4 hours, lunch and low tide later, they left us and went on their way. We spent the entire day there on a lilo, in the shade of a palm tree, eating food from the Airport Cafe and of course we might have had a few cocktails.

We also saw a really cool house in such a great location that we actually considered for quite some time, moving over there, factory and all. A simpler life always sounds better to me, but Brad needed some time to think about it and has never brought it up again. Cest La Vie..

Victory Beach, you can see why we spent the day there can't you.

There's a bullock statue in the shallows at Victory Beach. Not quite sure why though...

In Summary...

Sihanoukville is a great rest stop on the trans Cambodia/Vietnam trek, don't get me wrong. However we found it a bit confronting after the local experiences we had been enjoying. Others didn't though - A lot of the younger crew were stoked to have internet, western food and cocktails. The trip over to Victory Beach is well worth it for a day. Very enjoyable. We also did a boat tour out to the islands and had a great day snorkling, swimming and lazing on the beach for a BBQ lunch.

Top Tips:

Spend the $15 on the day boat trip - but beware of the goat!

Don't rely on super fast internet. The cafe's are cheap but its not speedy

Choose accommodation off the beach for a much more affordable stay. Lets face it you have the beach, you don't need a pool.

Be respectful of the cafe's along the waters edge. The umbrella's and lilo's belong to the cafe and you will need to support them to use the facilities. Don't be like some people we saw who pretended they didn't speak english, refused to move off the sun loungers all day and drank and ate only their own food and water. If you don't want to pay to eat one meal, go and lie on your towel at the other end of the beach.

Use the time to rejuvenate for the next leg of your trip. If you are heading toward Phnom Penh it is about to get very real and a few days R&R to prepare for that won't go astray.