this town is like one big outpatient mental institution. - christopher, "gilmore girls"

4.09.2012

Wanting

Easter weekend has come and gone, so Monday brings most of us back to the grind. I did not go home to see my family, but I still had a lovely weekend. I spent most of the weekend with my Gulf Coast "family", the Barnes. Catherine (my bestest) is now like 15/16 weeks pregnant? Somewhere around there. It's fun just thinking of all the things that will be different once they have a baby in the picture...it's also really fun seeing them get excited/nervous at the mention of all the "well this time next year..." so sweet!

I went to church on Easter, of course. The very sad thing is, though, it was the first time in many months. Honestly, I don't know what's been going on with me. I had kind of lost my way for a while. I didn't know what the Lord wanted from me, I didn't feel in place anywhere (seminary, church, home, work), and I was just completely freaked out and confused about so much. Then I took a job that had me working and on call every Sunday and on Wednesday nights for nearly 2 years. And after not being able for so long, I even lost the desire to go.

Chris and I had talked many times about how we needed to go, we needed to find a church here. I just wasn't really interested. I wanted to want to go, and I wasn't there yet.

Finally, this weekend, I wanted to go. And it was just as nice as I knew it would be. It was wonderful to worship and fellowship and hear what God needed me to hear. It was amazing to talk to Him again, to know that He had been waiting for that moment for all this time.

I knew that if I tried to force myself, I'd get turned off and burned out again. As crazy as it sounds, I think I really needed that time out and away to get over what had been bothering me before. I needed to remember that the church (or school) is just another place where you're going to deal with people constantly. And everyone of them is flawed, as am I. Where there are flawed people, issues and conflicts and unrest arise. And that's just the way the world works. It doesn't mean you should run away from it; it means you should show people grace, mercy, and patience in the face of it.

I have to stop expecting people to be perfect, because I'm not and neither are they. I have to stop expecting people to be just like me and do exactly what I want, because sometimes, I'm wrong, and they're not.