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Consider this, however: when someone is sick to their stomach, eating bread is recommended as it soaks up stomach acid. He is telling the other character to eat the sandwich quickly so the bread will still be there to cushion his stomach from the sickness he's about to get.

Clearly, the person worried about the state of the floor believes that all those present will fight to the death to gain possession of the sandwich, thereby covering the floor with gore, which will be a real hassle to clean up.

OK, well I've messaged Rob Grant and Doug Naylor (who wrote the first six series of Red Dwarf) and linked this thread. They no longer speak to each other but I'm hoping that one of them will be kind enough to reply and put this debate to rest.

If not, I am going to attend the next Red Dwarf convention and get it straight from the horse's mouth.

I must present a further piece of evidence. Namely, what the devourer of the sandwich in the episode, Arnold J. Rimmer, described the experience as. In his words, "like a cross between food and bowel surgery."

Bowel surgery, ladies and gentlemen. At this point you will surely be asking what the side effects of bowel surgery are and I am only too happy to draw your attention to this informative health website.

Side-effects are the unwanted but mostly temporary effects you may get after having the procedure. The possible side-effects of bowel surgery include:

pain and discomfort in your tummy (abdomen)

changes in your bowel movements, such as constipation or diarrhoea

D-i-a-r-r-h-o-e-a.

My friends, I put it to you, if such a procedure occurred via the consumption of a sandwich, would it not run the risk of faecal matter ruining the floor upon which the consumer is standing? Thus would not the ship's computer's concern be, not in easily cleaned up sandwich spillage which a skutter or two could easily wipe away, but instead a tidal wave of poop?

Bubba, I am sorry, I am so sorry. Your life has been a lie. You need to come to terms with it and stop lashing out at the rest of us. We only want you to see the world the way it truly is.

Even losing control of ones bowels wouldn't immediately tarnish the floor. The character was definitely wearing trousers and I assume, underpants. The same character is clearly a fan of underpants (as he keeps them on coat hangars) so I am convinced he had some on.

Now, a sudden relaxing of the bowels would firstly fill the underpants, then would need to travel down the inside of his trouser legs before threatening the cleanliness of the floor. If this did happen, it is human nature to dash to the toilet for some privacy. I find it hard to believe someone would just stand there, let sh*t run down their clothing and stain the floor.

Bubba, Bubba, Bubba. You cannot apply the normal rules of defecation to explosive diarrhoea. This is of course categorised by two features:

1. A build up of pressure in the bowel which is instantaneously released, and
2. A watery stool.

The end result of the state-of-the-art sandwich would not be to slowly trickle down one's leg, but instead to pour through the seat of both the underpants and trousers at a great speed and thus onto the floor almost immediately. This occurs irregardless of the afflicted's intention to hurry to a toilet.