December 5th: Draft.

I am having some trouble posting today, because what I really wanted to write about, I am deciding to wait a day and post later.

Just one day. I doubt I will feel differently enough to decide against it, but I will have ‘slept on it’ so to speak.

Instead, I am posting something I found in my draft section from June. This was very topical at the time, and I remember feeling a lot of emotion while writing this. So much, in fact, that I couldn’t post it because I wasn’t sure how to end it. I am still not sure, but it deserves to see the light.

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Perhaps I am taking this “champion of the people” thing a bit too far, but ‘something has to give’ in this world, and I can’t sit idle with that knowledge.

Like so many other people, I have seen the video below. Although I should admit that I could only get about three minutes in before I had to turn it off, so I haven’t seen the entire thing, but I wouldn’t want to. I can’t.

If you were able to watch a minute or two of that, I can imagine how you’re feeling. Incredibly angry, incredibly sad, wishing you could comfort that poor woman, wishing you could beat those kids until they’re black and blue. Maybe you feel disgusted, or feel like finding whomever is collecting donations to send this woman on her dream vacation, and donating yourself. I felt all of the above, and almost cried before turning it off.

What the hell is happening to the children in this world?

Jeremy and I got into a heated discussion after watching this video last night, and I dreamt about it for the rest of the night. If we are to ever have children, I want them to be amazing. I want them to be smart, kind, sympathetic, and sweet to others. I attended public school my entire life, and while it didn’t ruin me, I certainly don’t remember anything extraordinary about it. I do remember though, so many times, looking around at my classmates and wondering what the hell their problem was. Why they had blinders on, why they said and did the stupidest things. I mean, didn’t they know (or comprehend) that there was a huge world out there, and they didn’t need to be such idiots? On the same token, I did have friends that attended private schools, and it wasn’t much of a difference. More privilege, more money, but not much smarter or kinder.

I have no idea what kind of person I will possibly bring into this world someday, but I do know that it’s my job to help them become someone amazing. Someone who doesn’t become a bully, testing the emotion and stamina of those around them. I had a weird idea years ago, that maybe I might want to homeschool my kid(s). Not for religious reasons, but because I actually want them to learn about being real citizen of this world, and I don’t want them learning that from their peers 7 hours per day/five days a week.

Jeremy feels much differently. He believes that school provides much needed structure, that teachers are there for a reason, and that kids need to be around other kids. I see his points and even agree to a certain extent, but I feel like it would be MY job as their parent to teach/show them how to be, not some crappy kids who infect others with their crappy behavior.

I am passing a lot of judgement on those kids in that video, and I am definitely passing judgement on the parents of those kids. Perhaps though, that last bit of judgement is unfounded, because parents can do everything right and still wind up with a jerk of a kid.

I get it. My parents both worked long hours, and I would often be on my own with my younger brother, making sure my “chores” were done before Dad got home and homework was started at least. Parents don’t always have time for their kids, they don’t always have time to have long talks about their day, or to even know who their children’s friends are. As I get older, I can’t even imagine having a child at home after a long day at work. I can only imagine what kind of extra energy (emotional and physical) that would take, and maybe this makes me an incredibly selfish person, but I couldn’t do it. To then think (on top of everything else) that your behavior is shaping the kind of person your child will be? My god, the pressure. The pressure of shaping the minds of children, highly impressionable tiny humans who will mimick your very behavior from now until the end of time.

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That’s as far as I got. It started to twist into some weird territory in my mind, and I couldn’t finish. Maybe someone else can:)

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One comment

This video hurt my soul, too. And it made me question the efficacy of parents for this generation. Thank you for taking parenthood so seriously. The weight of raising a truly good human being can be suffocating when I think about the magnitude of my responsibility. You’re so, so right- parents can do everything right and still end up with a jerk kid. But, more often than not, in the pressure of the moment, the children that were raised with respect and honor in their homes will be the ones to display those same traits. Your blog is so thoughtful- thank you for sharing with us, as always.