Unfortunately, the holidays are here. The sooner we purchase presents for our favorite sad sacks, the faster they can sigh "thanks?" and we can all get back to our miserable little lives. So here's what to buy the grumpiest, grouchiest hateful little monsters in your life. If you have the sick need to keep these…

Shopping for an out-of-work Eeyore? Or a glass-half-full Pollyanna? Or some other children's-entertainment metaphor about being unemployed? A lot of people are slogging through joblessness this holiday season, and I'll bet they could use a little cheer right about now. Even if your friend isn't in dire,…

Is your friend the kind of girl who wears a rings above her knuckle, takes pictures of herself smoking weed, wears a bra as a shirt but also wears shirts without bras? Does she very carefully craft a look that says, "I don't give a fuck" but in reality gives quit a few fucks? Do chains and whips excite her? Answer yes…

The world is a terrifying place where literally anything could go wrong at literally any moment. And if your Christmas list includes the sort of person whose idea of a dream home includes a nuclear fallout shelter-cum-Y2K bunker-cum-biological attack shack, you're going to give them something to assuage their…

When we asked for suggestions on what sort of gift a person might buy for a dejected Republican, most of the suggestions went something like this — "A CLUE AND A PLANE TICKET TO SOMALIA OR THE INSIDE OF MY BUTTHOLE!" Well, a clue won't fit in my future in-laws stockings, and I'm afraid buying a conservative college…

Stumped about what to buy your favorite self-proclaimed slut? Sure, you could get her lingerie and a vibrator (and, don't worry, there are some of the latter on this list), but she probably already has the essentials, right? Here are some more creative ideas for the friend who has no idea where (or with whom) she'll…

It would seem like stoners are the easiest people to shop for because all you need to do is give them some weed. But that's so impersonal. It's the equivalent of giving an Amazon gift card. Plus, in all honesty, if your friends are really that into pot, then they probably smoke really good shit and don't need your…

If you're an elephant-riding conservative, last week was a very bad one: Our Democrat president was reelected and Republican rape experts were defeated pretty much across the board. Suffice it to say, GOP peeps are not partying in the least

I'm putting together a gift guide for self-proclaimed sluts and want to hear your suggestions. Best bang for your buck sex toys? Lazy ways to make your sheets smell nice? What about easily portable dry shampoo? Submit your ideas below, and I'll include some of the best ones with my own selections next week!

As you know, Shopping Season is almost upon us! We're gathering input for our upcoming Gift Guides. I'll be handling Gifts For Pop Culture Junkies. I've got some ideas of my own, but I'd love to hear what you'd suggest for folks who are TV-obsessed, or music buffs, or connoisseurs of film. (Maybe you're an…

Because the retail terrors that are Black Friday, Batshit Saturday, Desperation Sunday, and Cyber Monday loom in the very near future — next week, gah — it's time to talk about the spirit of giving. Or, rather, the spirit of buying. Enter Jezebel's upcoming gift guides.