Thursday, October 16, 2014

State of the CW

Okay. I *think* I have a day off tomorrow, so I'm going to try to pound out another review and the last couple of rounds of editing for the next chunk of Ivory Scars, Iron Bars.

My job situation has gotten very complicated and very un-fun. I'm doing lots of office work now, with two other people who I think have come to hate my guts. I'm not entirely sure why. Probably part of the depression issues is the UNRELENTING PRESSURE TO DO SHIT. So I come home and look at the computer and get more UNRELENTING PRESSURE TO DO SHIT. And then decide to goof off doing something else. Which makes me more depressed because I'm not doing shit, and the vicious cycle has begun.
I'm dealing with it. Not very well, but I'm dealing.

In other news, apparently a lot of interesting stuff happened over the last couple of days involving the Unnamed Friend (if you don't know who that is you are incredibly lucky) and it made my blog blow up. For some reason.
...Which has also left me feeling HIGHLY anxious and thankful that God invented anti-anxiety meds and that I have access to a really good one now. That was an incredibly shitty time in my life and it wasn't just because of the Unnamed Friend--in fact, and in retrospect, I reacted very badly specifically because the blog and the books were the only thing in my life that weren't shit, and I didn't appreciate having her muck around in it. However, from the tiny bit I've managed to gather, other people are mucking around in her shit and making her life miserable. Which means however bad I'm feeling right now? She's probably feeling worse.

That's not cool.

The ONLY thing I wanted in all of this was for her to go away and leave me alone, something she finally managed to do for a full year. I wish her lots of happiness and lots of success. She's a person like anybody else. She's not a real nice one, and she's definitely not somebody I'd ever want to be friends with--I'm kind of like a kicked puppy that way--but however deeply toxic she might be, she does not deserve to be treated like shit.

So guys? Knock it the fuck off. If you don't approve of her retoric and tactics stop using them.

Sorry for being so harsh, but...yeah. Knock it off.

As for the unnamed friend, on the tiny chance she'd ever read this: If you're in this corner of the internet it probably has something to do with my posts being plastered on nine million different critical sites, along with every other mistake you ever made.

I'm sorry.

You do not deserve this shit. It's not cool to do it to anybody. I don't like you, but that is my shit, not yours. You don't know my story. I don't know yours. You don't know how your words affected me, and I don't know what mine did to you. I am sorry if I hurt you, and I forgive you for hurting me. I am sorry that you have to go through this, and I will do my best to make sure that I don't contribute any more than I already have. The one good thing you did teach me is, when shit like this happens it'll all feel better in a couple of days. So take care of yourself, do something that makes you happy, ignore the internet for a few days, and remind yourself that, all things considered, your life is pretty damn cool.