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04/16/2011

I've been hugely fortunate in that I know some really amazing female writers. And even though I have never met them in person, I am thrilled that I have been asked to help contribute to articles they are writing on the topic of human sexuality.

My most recent inclusion was for an article for the wildly popular website, thefrisky.com, and the story is a practical guide to couples with different body types.

If you would like to find out more about the New York City based author, Jamie Beckman, please visit here website, and if you would like to see the original posting, please go here.

This is what the article (minus the photos) said:

On Tuesday’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show,” teensy-tiny actress Hayden Panettiere, who’s 5-foot-1, told DeGeneres that fans are always approaching her and asking how she manages to have sex with her boyfriend, 6-foot-6 Ukrainian heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko.

“I get the rudest prudest people coming up to me, and they’re like, ‘Does it work?’” Panettiere said. “Yeah, it works. We find a way.”

She went on to say that the people who are the most curious about their bedroom habits are conservative types. Well, call me a pervert (or would it be a prude?), but after I heard that little anecdote, I started to wonder the same thing about … well, everybody.

It can’t be easy for Kim Kardashian, 5-foot-2, and her current ’baller beau, Kris Humphries, 6-foot-9, to get horizontal. Same goes for everyday couples with different proportions that we see walking down the street hand in hand.

So how can partners who have totally different body types have the hottest sex possible? A few of the country’s top sexperts offered their opinions on the perfect down-and-dirty positions for “mismatched” partners…

IF … Your Guy Is Super-Tall

Best positions: Standing up; sitting on his face for oral

“Standing positions work well,” says Los Angeles sex expert Dr. Patti Britton. “His longer body can hold her up — like, she’s facing him in his arms, legs wrapped around him, and he is positioned with a leg up on a chair or leaning against a wall. This is very common in the kama sutra.”

Increase the intensity of this position by using the bathroom sink (taller than a regular table!) for sexual congress, suggests Catherine Toyooka, a San Francisco sex coach.“Sit on the edge of the sink counter,” she instructs. “Your man can enter you from this position and then alter the way he’s standing to get better leverage. You can slightly vary this position by crossing your legs around his back and having him scoop his hands under your tush for deeper penetration.”

Also, have fun with oral: “Sit on his face, have him give you a pearl necklace while straddling you, give him some good old-fashioned Russian (between the boobs), or grant him a facial,” says Dr. Christine Milrod, a sex therapist in Los Angeles who also sees patients via Skype.

IF … He’s Shorter Than Average

Best positions: Sitting facing each other; “froggy”-style sex“Here’s where you can go egalitarian,” says Dr. Milrod. “Because there are no long legs to get tangled up, you can sit facing each other on the bed, with your legs wrapped around each other’s hips in a total merger. Or put on a pair of heels, plant yourself on his penis, and [do it] standing. Great for tight spots with not much room to move or quickies in restrooms or other naughty public places.”

And at the risk of sounding cute, instead of doggie-style, try assuming a “froggy” position instead, says Toyooka.

“Rear entry can be really fun,” she says. “Start in a doggie position and then begin to lower your legs further down the bed, so you are almost in a lying position.”

IF ... Your Man Has A Large Frame Or Is Carrying Around A Few Extra Pounds

Best positions: Cowgirl, 69

“Big guys can really take a pounding, so don’t worry about hurting him,” says Dr. Milrod. “A fun thing to do is 69, with him beneath you. Since he’s pretty much unbreakable, lie down flat and squeeze his body while you [grind] into his face.”

Cowgirl is also a no-brainer, but don’t forget the humble spoon. “Spooning is a good way with large bodies,” Britton says. “The largeness of a belly may get in the way, but [the couple] can ooze into contact.” So to speak.

A major tool for different body shapes is a pillow. If you crave something a little more traditional with your beefy dude, here’s a suggestion:

“Try a modified missionary position, where the woman is lying on her back, and prop a pillow or two under her tush,” says Toyooka. “Now the man can kneel or position himself between his partner while still being able to thrust with vigor.”

IF ... He’s So Skinny You Have A (Somewhat Irrational) Fear Of Crushing Him

Best positions: Reverse cowgirl, missionary

“Tender little skateboarder types should best be laid down flat while you practice some reverse Asian cowgirl,” says Dr. Milrod. “This means straddling him with your back facing him and grabbing his bent knobby knees for support. Great for serious G-spot action. Skinny guys can usually go longer: After all, they are not dragging around a lot of extra weight. And surprisingly, many of them sport some very large penises, so there’s meat where it counts!”

Even if your guy is as petite as they come, remember: No body image issues allowed.

“Many skinny men actually sort of fetishize being with big beautiful women,” Britton says. “There is a porn genre of fetish called BBW for this.”

And what if you’ve tried a few different things, but sex is still really awkward? Trial and error, baby — and do it all with a smile on your face.

“The best sex occurs when you laugh yourself into bed with somebody,” says Dr. Roger Libby, a sex therapist in Seattle. “Most people take sex way too seriously.”

04/10/2011

I got another totally random and inappropriate facebook message yesterday.

Wow, bad grammar and sentence syntax aside, the message is just weird.

You be the judge:

"i saw your profile on a dating group on facebook i thought i should mail u hoping mabeyou'd mail back africans dont get much a chances at love coz our predecessors have misused our ops but i want to show someone who is lonley like i someone who need to be loved somewho wants to be loved believe that love is still alivehere a lil about meI am a lot different than most guy's, My heart could only belong to one person, I'm not looking for a one time thing I am very dedicated an loyal person, I am looking for the right one some one I can share my passion for life with.I have to be honest and true from the start that's what I believe in, everything else has a way of working itself out, I'm laid back kind of quiet and a little shy but once I get to know someone I open up and show the real me and still have my wild side. I love nature and simple things. I am a very dedicated and devoted person in work and in relationships.I value honesty and character.

if you want to get to know me please reply if u dnot il understand they say when u r soul searching it like walking through a desert so i guess u might be a mirage...lol"

Hmm, well besides the fact that I'm married (and it is evident even though I only give out limited information in my profile if you are not my friend), he also lives in Nigeria. Sounds like we would have one hell of a close and bonding relationship.

It is also totally off-putting to me that he pulled the race card. Wtf? I'm not sure what his exact motivation was for saying that "...africans dont get much a chances at love coz our predecessors have mis used our ops", but it makes you sound like you have a butt-load of issues. Not to mention that my BFF is black and literally can't do enough to keep both men and women from jumping him. Seriously, they are all over his jock!

04/07/2011

I know this venn diagram has been circulating around the web for about 2 years. A high school friend posted it on his facebook page recently and I just had to grab it and post it on my blog.

For those not familiar with venn diagrams, it is basically a map made up of 2 or more overlapping circles. Venn diagrams are often used in mathematics to show all hypothetically possible and logical relationships between a finite collection of sets.

One of my earlier blog posts talked about the differences between geeks and nerds and how they can actually make great partners. So it is no surprise that I got a kick out of this particular diagram.

What do you think? Do you agree with the "nerd vs. geek vs. dork" venn diagram? Feel free to leave any funny anecdotal evidence or personal experience.

By the way, I am thinking about putting together a "Geek Flirt" workshop for later in the summer in Silicon Valley. I would love to hear what your thoughts are on the possibility and/or what sort of information and exercises you would want me to include.

04/06/2011

So sometimes I feel like a freak of nature. I'm 1/2 Japanese American (3rd generation) yet have very full g cup breasts. For those who aren't familiar with bra cup size, it begins at AA, then goes, A, B, C, D, DD (E), DDD (F), DDDD (G), all the way past M. Luckily, they seem to be somewhat proportionate to my body, so I don't necessarily look like I would tip over in a strong wind.

I developed kind of early for girls living in the 1970's (as opposed to growing up now) and started wearing a bra in the 5th grade. I hated the private school I attended at that time. One reason is because there were the same 25 (mostly) annoying people I had known since kindergarten, and the vast majority of those students were total assholes and completely obnoxious. This private school was very, very rich and very, very white. So now, on top of being teased for looking different than the rest of my classmates, I also had my bra snapped on a regular basis. **See, I told you in another blog post that I tend to hold on to grudges way too long!**

Come to think about it, I bet that my early breast development was a catalyst for me becoming a very strong willed and in your face kind of person.

Having huge breasts does require me to make some pretty major life adjustments. Most people know that I'm a huge fan of black or dark colored shirts. It is pretty much the only color that somewhat disguises their actual size so people tend to look me in the eyes when they talk with me instead of at my chest. Also, many designers (including bra designers) do not readily accommodate their designs for larger breasted women. Sometimes I end up wearing maternity clothing (although you would probably never know it) because I seem to have much better luck finding things that actually fit me.

I'm also not able to exercise in the ways many people enjoy. You can absolutely forget about seeing me running or jogging, and even walking on a treadmill usually requires me wearing 2 sports bras. I also don't usually do group cardio exercises because of how uncomfortable it can be.

But what about yoga, Catherine? Oh I've tried it many times! However, it is laughably uncomfortable for me to do even the most basic of poses like downward dog. I get a feeling like I'm being suffocated because they tend to feel like they are right under my chin. By the way, sleeping on my back can occasionally also make me feel a little claustrophobic for the same reason.

Even though I am 1/2 Japanese American, my skin is very fair with pink undertones. It isn't at all like the color tone my sisters have which is pretty dark and olive. They tan like a nut, and I tend to burn. Having fair skin means that my tendency to bruise is high and often and also scars on me are pretty obvious. This is a huge factor for me because most breast reduction surgeries rely on a standard "anchor" incision which is quite barbaric (if you ask me). Anchor incisions basically cut around your areola down the middle of your lower breast and then to the left and right of the lower breast. Get it, the incision literally looks like a boat anchor. Oh, I forgot to mention one little thing. When it comes to breast reduction surgery, most include the complete removal of your nipple! Don't worry, you eventually get it back at the end of the surgery when they reposition back onto your now smaller breasts. Still, writing about the notion of nipple removal is enough to make me feel somewhat barfy.

I should mention that of all the plastic/cosmetic surgeries, people report the highest rate of overall satisfaction. In other words, they do not suffer from buyer's remorse. However, all surgery involves risk, including death. There is also the possibility that you will end up with lopsided breasts that are way more obvious than the typical and common occurrence of having one breast bigger than the other one. Some less skilled surgeons may also reposition your nipples incorrectly so one may be straight while the other is pointing up or down. Lastly, many women report to having decreased nipple sensitivity after their breast reduction surgery. This may not be a deal breaker for some women because, basically, the farther away your nipple is from your chest tissue, the less sensitive it is. This is one reason some men say they have ridiculously sensitive nipples.

I have heard that some physicians are perfecting "minimally invasive" breast reduction surgery techniques. However, doctors who specialize in a niche are often few and far between.

Over the years I have learned to love my breasts mainly because I always knew I would never have a breast reduction. Don't get me wrong, I still fantasize about having perfectly pert and perky b cup breasts, but that is just not in the cards for me. Plus, I think I would miss them if they suddenly weren't there anymore. I guess I have just come to the conclusion that I will bring them out for special occasions, but will continue to wear a great minimizer bra and dark colored tops.

03/21/2011

If you connect with me on Twitter or Facebook then you know that I had the extreme pleasure of giving away a few Theo Spareparts Hardwear harnesses that I received directly from the manufacturer.

It's also pretty obvious that I really, really like this company. Keep your eyes out for some upcoming blog posts on 2 of their other rad products: their La Palma hand harness (really the only one I can recommend) and their new Deuce harness, which is made specifically for men.

Here is what one of my winners had to say about the Theo:

"I have tried at least a half dozen strap-ons and I have the same few issues with all of them; they are very uncomfortable, they pinch, slip, slide and/or the dildo just pops out, loosens or just won’t stay in place.

The first noticeable thing about the SpareParts harness is its comfort, the material is soft on the skin (unlike those hard leather ones) and it is very comfortable. The straps were easily adjusted and the waist was just as easy to adjust. You can literally put it on and adjust it with one hand. At first I was unsure about the ring for the dildo and its ability to accommodate rough play and to my surprise and happiness it stay put through the night.

I love this harness! I used it with three different sized dildo’s and they all stayed in place equally. Additionally, I can just throw it in the washing machine. This is a great harness."

If you would like to get your hot little hands on one of these harnesses, I recommend shopping here or here.

03/14/2011

I got a really bizarre facebook message the other day. It occurred to me that this could be a "teachable moment" for some.

Regardless of whatever sexuality and gender you are interested in, I'm just going to say that you should never approach someone you are hoping to get to know in this manner. Human behavior is never 100% predictable, but I can pretty much guarantee that this type of approach is going to be seen as pretty odd, laughable, and generally douchebag behavior.

Have a look for yourself:

"wow........i am certainly speechless....what manner of beauty bestowed on one person. You must have been created on God's resting day.

The name is Mr. Douchebag. i was looking perusing through a list of profiles when i found yours. i looked at it carefully and found out that we have lots in common, especially in the area of smiling like no one is watching, as ur picture suggested that. That is a very sexy picture u have there. it reminds me of the likes of the duchess of castle bridge, lady Jane who was made queen of England cos of her charming beauty, most catching enough she was a maid to the former queen Anna Boleyn when King Henry sited her in court (British History...tell u more later)lol. Hope u don't mind my humorous comparatives as i couldn't think of a better comparative than this.hehe. They were all damn beautiful.

what do u say dear??? we could get to know each other more and better...would u like that?.....chuckling."

Ummm...eww! Also, no one I know under the age of say 50 has ever called me "dear".

I think you are creepy and weird, and wonder how many other women you have sent this exact message to. Seriously man, has this ever worked for you?!

However, it did give me and my husband a very hearty laugh so, for that, I thank you!

03/07/2011

One of the main reasons I became a sexuality educator was to do my part in getting medically accurate while still being culturally accessible sexual health and pleasure information out to individuals. I was fed up with getting either no information at all, information that is filled with half-truths, or just plain wrong.

I made a decision long ago to make sure I was imparting sexual information that is not only accurate, but also empowering.

As an educator, I love giving people the opportunity to learn about certain risk factors as they relate to particular sexual activity and then letting them make their own decision about what level of risk they are comfortable with.

But what about this nagging sexual question I have?

I'm happy to report that I've set up a new email account (questions@catherinecoaches.com) where you can send me a short question you would like answered. Depending on the length of the explanation, how many other people ask the same question, etc, I might decide to answer you in a youtube video. I might feature your question in an upcoming blog post, or I might just send you an email answer.

My parameters are that to keep it to pertinent questions related to body image, flirting, dating, or sex. I have no time for silly requests like "hey, will you blow me?" My most likely response will be to post on social media for all to see who you are and what you requested.

It would also be lovely if you do not write me a freaking long ass email with your question. Do me a huge solid and nut-shell it for me.

If you have a question, ask it. That's why I set up the new email account!

As far as flirting workshops go, it was quite full with about 15 participants. Many of the participants asked appropriate questions for a flirting for beginner type workshop and some asked not so appropriate questions.

Perhaps one of the most difficult questions to answer is "where can I go to flirt?" I find this question hard to react to because the answer is both very simple "everywhere" and complex "everywhere".

I feel like people are never satisfied with this answer (don't worry I get much more specific) because they are searching for some magical answer that will solve all their flirting problems.

First things first, If you want to be more comfortable flirting, then you need to change the way you live your life. The last time I checked, you aren't going to come in contact with people you could potentially flirt with while you are lounging on your couch eating funyons. Flirting is a bit like the lottery because you have to be in it to win it.

There are flirting opportunities all around us. The key to being successful is that you need to increase your social circle and actively get out of the house.

You can begin your flirting adventure by starting with those people you already see in your daily life, but you have never gotten around to exchanging more than pleasantries. By nature, people are creatures by habit, and the pressure will be low because you already have the feeling that you kind of "know" them. Start small. Begin by talking to anyone who doesn't scare or intimidate you. Remember that by being able to talk to everyone, you will eventually be able to talk to anyone.

The flirting place suggestions I offer up will not work for everyone. Rarely is anything in life that simple. You need to figure out which specific suggestions could potentially work for you while causing the lowest amount of personal stress.

Here are my specific suggestions:

Coffee and tea houses

Restaurants

Bars and lounges

Public transportation

Bookstores

After work social functions

Nature and hiking trails

Gyms (particularly before or after group exercise classes)

Personal growth or enrichment workshops

Continuing education classes

Local community classes like cooking, introduction to art or photography, etc

Faith based community events

Street fairs

Social networking/event sites like meetup.com

Waiting in line

Dinner parties

Concerts

Sporting events

But what if you still don't think that any of the above suggestions are appealing to you? Well then I might suggest that you consider throwing in the towel, stock up on those funyons you love so much, and prepare to make a bigger indentation on your couch.

01/05/2011

Yes, it is true that as a sexuality speaker and educator, I suck on dildos for a living. Actually, I suck on the "vamp" and the "pixie" dildos from Tantus Inc. toys to be exact.

Why do I do it? Hmm, well I do it because my oral sex workshops are by far my most requested and popular. You might be surprised to find out how uncomfortable both men and women can become when it comes to their confidence and ability in giving amazing oral sex.

As a sexuality educator, I think it is really important for people to understand the equipment they are working with so my workshops always include a good amount of medically accurate pleasure anatomy education. But make no mistake, my workshops are anything but boring! I use pictures, diagrams, and sex toys as visual aids. My oral sex workshops are fun with a capital awesome.

For women, it is often eye opening for them to really get down and dirty with male pleasure anatomy. Sure they know their way around a penis, but they might not know about all the pleasure hot spots, helpful tips, and super fun tricks. I usually ask for a brave volunteer to wear a strap on harness with my favorite demo dildo in place so participants can visually see what we have just talked about. Sure, it isn't necessarily my finest or proudest moments (and I don't allow pictures to be taken during this portion of the event), but I haven't found anything else as effective as sucking on a dildo to really show people the full spectrum of all one can do with a penis and testicles. Probably the single most common comment I hear when demoing fellatio techniques is "Damn Catherine, I don't think I've been that enthusiastic about anything in my life!" What can I say, enthusiasm is key!

But what about men? It is true that the first oral sex workshop I ever gave was to a group of fabulous gay men at a San Francisco sex club. I've found the one main difference between presenting my oral sex workshop to groups of men and groups of women is that men are often much more eager and enthusiastic to try out new techniques on their demo dildos. Women tend to be more shy and reserved and become nervous when asked to "give it a go" with my demo dildos.

People are sometimes surprised when I tell them I have presented my fellatio workshop for gay men, thinking that men should know better than anyone else when it comes to sucking cock. However, I've lost count of how many of my gay friends have told me that some of their past boyfriends could really benefit from going to my oral sex workshop. In other words, many gay men suck at giving head, and not in the good way!

If you would like to book me for a private fellatio workshop, please contact me so we can get something scheduled. If you prefer a more private setting, then we can work on building your oral sex aptitude during private and confidential coaching sessions.