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Violence Prevention and Recovery

Domestic Violence Intervention Program

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence or battery, is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence.

Domestic violence encompasses a number of controlling behaviors that often include (but are not limited to):

Emotional abuse

Physical abuse

Sexual abuse

Economic abuse.

While the vast majority of abusive relationships involve some form of violence, it is often the emotional abuse that has the most devastating impact on a victim. Although women are more likely to be victims of domestic violence, anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, including those in the LGBTQ communities, men, disabled persons, seniors, and elders.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and The Center for Violence Prevention and Recovery and the Survivor Leadership Collective are offering free events to the public.

This list can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship.

Are you with someone who ...

Puts you down?

Does not allow you to make any decisions?

Scares you or loses their temper quickly?

Hits, pushes, chokes, restrains or physically harms you in any way?

Pressures you for sex or forces you to have sex?

Makes you feel like everything is your fault?

Is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, or won't accept breaking up?

Threatens to expose your sexual orientation without your consent?

Threatens to deport you or your children?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship and should get help immediately.

BIDMC offers people impacted by domestic violence the Safe Transitions Domestic Violence Program. It was established in 1994 and supports individuals experiencing threatening, coercive, and abusive relationships.

Often people ask "Why does the person being victimized stay?" Listed below are some obstacles to leaving an abusive relationship.

Fear: Many people who are victimized fear that their partners will harm them if they attempt to leave. Victims also fear not knowing what kind of future lies ahead, and some fear being alone.

Threats: Most people who are victimized are threatened by their abusive partner and fear that leaving will increase the risk of violence.

Financial Constraints: Many people who are victimized, especially those with children, are financially dependent on their partners, sometimes because their partners have not allowed them to work.

Lack of Support: Not all people who are victimized have family and friends who support their decision to leave. Some victims are so isolated by their abusive partners that they have no support system whatsoever.

Lack of Knowledge about Rights and Options: Not all people who are victimized are aware that there are community agencies that can help them get to safety and rebuild their lives.

Family Pressure: People who are victimized are often blamed by their family for the violence occurring, and are sometimes told to make the relationship work rather than separate from their partners.

Societal Pressure: Traditional notions of men and women's roles, combined with the stigma of divorce and separation, can make the decision to leave that much harder for people in abusive relationships.

Children: Many people who are victimized don't leave their batterers because they want their children to have a relationship with the other parent. Other people worry that they wont be able to provide for their children if they leave.

Love: Many people who are victimized feel an emotional attachment to their batterers and cling to the hope that things will get better. They may also feel like they have failed to keep the family together.

Find a place to store important documents, keys & clothes. Place all of these important items in a safe place, for example in a safety deposit box, or at a trusted friend's house, so that you can get it easily when you decide to leave.

Open a post office box in your name. To avoid creating a trail, choose a post office in a town other than your present one, or the one you plan to go to.

Get a protective order. If the order is violated, call the police. You can obtain a protective order from your area district or probate court. If at all possible, have an advocate, friend, or family member accompany you to court. Keep a copy of the order with you at all times. Give copies of the order to your school/workplace, children's schools, neighbors, and other important people. Encourage them to report a violation.

Prepare your children for emergencies. Make sure they know how to dial 911 and are not afraid to do so.

Find a safe place to go. Choose a place where your partner won't be able to find you. This could be a friend or family member, or a confidential shelter.

Stay Safe. Keep your doors locked day and night. Do not open your door to strangers. Screen all calls with an answering machine/caller ID. Change all locks, whether or not you are still living at home.

Take threats seriously and report them . Threats are not only violations of a protective order, but also possible indicators of imminent danger. With this in mind, keep a log of dates and incidents. You may need this information later to prove your case in court.