So, I got shot in the face and they remade it and I got all disgusted cuz my face looked like some fuckin tool but I went with it and I bought a jacket and tie and typed up a resume except on the resume it said "Vlad the fucking Tool" but they read "Vlad Tool" and still hired me and then I was introduced to everyone as "Vladtool" as one fucking word and thats what everyone called me so I had to quit that job.

I got another job where everyone called me "Vlawd" as in "Vlawd, this is Todd. Hey! Your names rhyme!" No they dont you bigmotherfuckinghumanresourcespieceofshit. I quit that one too.

Then I got a job as an assistant for this wierd ass scientist. One day I was shredding papers for him because I was "paid to work, not surf the internet!" and I read about what kind of science he was doing. It was this wierd ass experimental type shit, all havin to do with slowing down the aging process and skin and shit like that. And I didn't understand the methods behind the madness but what I did understand was this guy was payin me $8.25 an hour so I might as well fuck with his shit to give me some more stuff to sweep. So I went in the lab and started turning on all these switches and shit and I pushed some buttons and I had to power up the main decelerator but I must have done it too much cuz I stepped inside that thing and it went crazy like a ho with a bottle of 151. And what ended up happenin was my face ripped OFF! And then my original face GREW BACK! And looking back, it probably was a bad idea to even take that job cuz I'm worth much more than 8.25 an hour but it all worked out fine in the end.