rape CRISIS SCOTLAND

If you or someone else you know has been affected
by any form of sexual violence, no matter when it
happened, please call the free and confidentialRape Crisis Scotland Helpline on 08088 01 03 02 or South West Rape Crisis and Sexual Abuse Centre
on 01387 253113/01776 889331. Trained female
support workers
support are there to listen, offer immediate support and
information, and can let you know
about support in your area.

The Rape Crisis scotland Helpline and South
West Rape Crisis ond Sexual Abuse Centre
(SWRCSAC) offer support (and information for
anyone aged 12 or over who has been affected by
sexual violence, no matter when or how it happened.
It is free and confidential. Both organizations can put
you in touch with other services. The RCS helpline
offers a minicom service for deaf or hard of hearing
people and can arrange for language interpreters if
your first language is not English.

Family and Friends of Survivors

It is important for a survivor of rape or sexual abuse
to be listened to, and believed, whether they have
just been attacked, or are talking about events that
happened some time ago, eg in their childhood.
This leaflet contains helpful information on how to
respond if you have a family member, partner or
friend who has just started speaking about their own
experience of rape or child sexual abuse. You can
actively support them by giving them space and time.

Some Reactions to Sexual Violence

Reactions and ways of coping with the effects
of sexual violence are different for everyone.
The ones listed below are by no means conclusive
and survivors may experience some, none, or all
of these feelings during a healing process.

The survivor may feel guilty or that they are somehow
to blame for what has happened. They may feel
worthless, lack confidence and trust. This is a natural
response following such a traumatic experience.
If the attack has been recent, it is possible that your
friend or relative is in shock, some people respond
to this by 'numbing out' and remain very calm, while
others may cry and express disbelief at what has
happened. It is natural to experience mood swings,
to feel ashamed, dirty, angry, scared.

It is also possible that your friend or relative will
experience these emotions some time ofter the event.
Many survivors have nightmares about the attack.
A similar involuntary reliving or reviewing of an attack can happen while awake and is called a flashback.
Flashbacks can very distressing as they can be
triggered by a variety of factors including smells, touch,
locations or details that remind the survivor of the attack.
Reliving memories of the abuse is very traumatic
and many people may feel that they are going mad.
This is not the case. It is part of the healing process.
If the person you are supporting has flashbacks it is
possible to help 'ground' them. Reassure them yhat
they are safe, that it's a memory and that it's in the
past. Slowing their breathing, stamping their feet,
noticing their current surroundings eg colour the room
is painted, snapping a rubber band on their wrist, can
all help to focus on the present. It can be helpful to talk
about nightmares and flashbacks, try to work out what
has triggered them, if a change in daily routine or
some circumstance may help to control them.
Practising these techniques is also helpful if your friend
or relative experiences panic attacks. These attacks
are frightening and the loss of control can be very
distressing. They too are a natural response to triggers
which may make the survivor feel threatened.

Reporting to the Police

If you are a parent or guardian of a young child who
has disclosed abuse you have the responsibility to
protect their safety. You may struggle to believe the
disclosure or seek to deny it eg if you know the abuser.
Children do not lie about sexual abuse. They have no
way of knowing about sexual acts or inappropriate
behaviour unless this has been impressed upon them.
Many survivors, from teenagers through to the elderly,
choose not to report sexual violence to the police. There
are many valid reasons for doing so. You may wish justice to be done, however, it is important to respect
her/his decision. They should be in control of what
happens. Whether the attack happened recently or a
long time ago it is entirely their decision to report it or
not. The SWRCSAC and RCS Helpline are available to
offer support and information for friends and relatives as
well as survivors as are the other contacts listed (on the
rear of this leaflet) above.

How can I help?

Below are some helpful ways to support a survivor
of sexual violence. It is natural for you to have strong
feelings when the person you are supporting begins
to talk about what happened. You may feel angry,
distressed, overwhelmed, confused, shocked and
therefore may feel unsure about how best to respond.
Your feelings are valid and very understandable and
it can be helpful to access support to discuss how
you feel and to help you with thin supportive role.

Listen to what she/he has to say in their own time.
It might not be easy to start talking about an event
that has been hidden for a long time. The abuser may
have threatened them in some way to ensure silence.

Believe people rarely lie about rape or sexual
abuse. Why would they? It is important to believe
what they are saying.

Respect both her/his feelings and decisions,
crying can be part of the healing process.

Remember it is not her/his fault - no-one asks to
be abused or deserves it and cannot be blamed for
being unable to prevent the abuse.

Recognise the courage it takes for a survivor to
speak must be recognised and praised. It takes a
great deal of courage to face up to fears and also to talk about any sexual experience.

Don't tell them to forget about it. Don't say, 'it
happened a long time ago, why does it suddenly
bother you now?' Healing can take time and some
people block or try to forget traumatic events.
This is a way of coping with what has happened.
Remembering can be triggered by events such as
the birth of a baby, a TV programme, marriage,
changing job, starting a new relationship etc.

Don't ask them why they didn't fight back. People
can freeze when confronted with a terrifying situation.

Don't ask why they didn't say anything sooner.
If it happened when they where young they may
have tried to tell but been ignored or disbelieved.
They may have been too frightened to say anything.
Most people do try to tell someone at some time.

Don't tell them what to do. They need to be in
control of their own decisions about matters that
affect them. You can help them to explore options
that are available to them.

Don't pressure them into doing, or talking about
things they are not ready to face. When they are
ready they will speak.
If it is your partner that has been attacked or has
remembered some past abuse which they have
blocked out, they may find sexual and intimate contact
difficult. It is important to realise that it is not something
to do with you - it is to do with the feelings and
memories they have. Reassure her/him and let them
take things at their own pace. With your help, patience
and understanding, she/he can heal from the trauma.

What about my feelings?

Seeing someone you care about dealing with a
traumatic experience can be distressing. It is important
that you get support for yourself. Without it, it can be
hard for you to help. Try asking a trusted friend or
family member or contact your local centre.