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Thursday, March 3, 2016

A little bit about me.....the PPD side

So I want to explain a few things that will help you understand me and the different things I'm talking about.

First off, my disabled sister lives with my husband, two boys (age 1 and 3), two dogs, and one cat. She is 24 years old and has Cerebral Palsy as well as severe mental retardation. She is 24 but functions like a 6 month old. She requires 24/7 care as far as transferring, feeding, diapering, and she is wheelchair bound. She cannot talk either. Currently she goes to school Monday-Friday from 8:30am to 3:15pm. During the summer it is less but she also goes to a sleep away camp for one week. It is the only week all year that we as a family are free to do as we choose, at all other times someone must be here with her or we have to take her with us. She has a caregiver that comes for 8 hours each Saturday and Sunday but right now our current caregiver is out after having foot surgery. Growing up I had always said that I wanted her to live with us, but I can say now that I don't think I understood the full ramification of what I was saying. Having her live with us allows me to stay at home with my boys but its a full time job that requires a lot of patients, some of which I don't always have.

I had PPD with our first son. I was irrational and moody. I think it got better when I went back to work around 8 weeks but I cannot say for sure. I remember a terrible fight DH (dear husband) and I got into shortly after D was born about him buying a motorcycle. I don't really remember the fight but I remember screaming and being so mad I was ready to divorce him (that seems patently absurd to me now).

I tried to breastfeed both times with little success...its really hard and they don't tell you that. That made me feel like I was failing both times. I mean they make it seem so easy in the classes and on TV but its really not that easy, at least it wasn't for me. It wasn't until a phone call from a friend the first time around (about 3 weeks PP) who told me that it was ok if I couldn't do it. That she made it 6 weeks and when she decided to stop it made her and her baby a lot happier (happy mommy happy baby).

I was terrified about PPD with my second son, but I had no clue what I was about to be in for.......