20 January 2016

New Year Same Me.

I really, really want to blog more.

My issue isn't that I always forget. Honestly, I think about blogging just about every day (which is kind of embarrassing really). I think of new ideas for blog posts constantly. I've got about fifty drafts started, some which consist only of really interesting titles that I'd be very interested to know what they were originally going to be because I have no clue now (e.g. "Jeanette Spews Feminist Propaganda").

Maybe I'm just scared that if I get back into the habit of blogging, I'm not going to make the progress I want to make. I don't want this blog to gain followers or make money. I don't care how many comments or views I get. I just want to become a better, more concise, and funnier writer and for right now this is the best place for me to practice. Maybe deep down I worry that I'll just continue to churn out drivel that makes me cringe when I go back to it a few months down the line.

I kept meaning to write a post about my New Years resolutions but I guess this weird fear got the best of me. First I thought it was too early, then I thought it was too late. But I'm going to write about one of them tonight.

For 2016 I am not using Facebook or Twitter. I haven't deactivated my account, just deleted the apps and logged out of all my browsers. (so if you've messaged or otherwise tried to reach me on there, I'm not ignoring you!) My thought was that I wasted so much time on social media that when I took that out of the equation, I'd be more productive/efficient at work and have a lot more time at home to work on things I really want to do, like blogging. I even cancelled my Netflix.

I've been disappointed to discover that despite not having social media to distract me, I'm still finding ways to be unproductive/inefficient at work, and still have not blogged in 2016 (I started a holiday post but got so overwhelmed I just posted a bunch of pictures, just because I couldn't handle having another unfinished draft). I haven't read any books. Or practiced my drawing. I guess it will take more effort than simply removing something from the equation to get me moving.

I don't feel great about this blog post. I want to keep it in my drafts and come back to it, to refine it, to make it better, in a few days, after having some space. But that's what I always want to do. And I never do it. So I'm going to post this today. I'm going to throw this into the void, make these thoughts something real. And then I'm going to start working on this idea that's been rolling around in my head, and I'm going to save it as a draft. And I'm going to come back to it tomorrow.