It's Whatever We Need it to Be

Shamanic Journey Experiences

A Soul Contract Journey

At first, I began my journey headed south on the path. It felt awkward, and so, after a short time, I turned the opposite direction. The mountains were to the west, the river, east. Around a corner ahead, I found the meadow, tall grass mimicking the color of the sun. The mountains continued as a backdrop to the sunny golden meadow, and a great boulder, growing larger as I approached, stood before me. It was in fact, two boulders, a larger one set atop a much smaller one, like a lever atop a fulcrum. Had both sides of the boulder been equal, it could have pivoted like a see-saw. Instead, the west end of the boulder, facing the mountains, came to nearly a point, while the other end was large, round, and heavy. When it came time to climb the boulder, I was surprised to find it easy, and the topside was quite flat, so that I could walk to the point with ease. The boulder was so large, that I found plenty of room to sit there at the point, legs dangling into the vast space below.
The Guardian of the Contracts appeared, a dark figure, strong and capable, adeptly traversing the side of the mountain. As he got closer, I realized that he was not a man, but an ape. Before I even asked, he beckoned for me to come down to the earth. Without hesitation, I jumped, landing easily on my feet. Rather than asking or me telling, the look in his eyes confirmed that I was ready. I followed him back toward the mountain, and we came to a spot where the mountain had a door in it. As the Guardian of Contracts opened the door, an intensely bright light shined out, but when we entered there was a dark cave where there were what appeared to be statues of people I knew, and one I didn’t, a tall man, with dark hair, wearing what appeared to be some sort of military uniform; a combat uniform. I tried to will the statues to life with my mind. The Guardian of Contracts looked at me soulfully, and then, at the entrance to the lighted room past the first chamber. There I found The Librarian. He stood, waiting for me, a pleased expression on his face. It was my father, very young, younger than I am now; a strong, healthy young man. I began to cry, I was so happy to see him this way. “I’m here to clear a contract”. I said, not knowing what else to say. He nodded and headed into the thick stacks of my contract library. I waited with some trepidation… what would he bring back to me? As I waited I took in the room. The shelving was made of some warm golden wood, pecan perhaps? As I looked at the walls, they seemed to come out of the darkness, and it appeared that the room was actually inside a giant tree, the walls were knotted like a tree trunk. My father, The Librarian returned with the contract. At first he seemed to possess it, holding it closely to his chest, his face lightly apprehensive. Finally, after several quite moments, he stretched his arms out to me offering me a look inside.
On the first page were drawings of plants of all sorts. As I gazed upon them, they lifted off the pages and manifested before my eyes. A tomato vine, a cucumber vine, vines of all sorts made their way from the page to reality. The pages began to turn. On subsequent pages were blueprints for landscapes, details of the chemical composition of different soil samples, solar charts, temperature graphs, and pictures detailing the anatomy of insects. Strange things impossible to comprehend in such a short visit!
“This is the contract you want. If you do this, the other contracts, the ones you came to clear, will no longer matter.” There was no rewriting or voiding of a current contract that was evident to me. Instead, I needed to agree to this new contract, a contract of action rather than of words, and all of the contracts that no longer serve would void in their own due course. I accepted the newly revealed contract.
At this point things get a little fuzzy. I think I’ll have to do another journey to thank my Guardian of Contracts and The Librarian. I’m pretty sure I became overwhelmed and forgot. I think I ran home crying (like a girl). 😉

A Dismemberment Journey

I had a rather unexpected dismemberment journey last evening. It was brutal…but I can’t say that it hurt. I drifted into a tunnel of stars to the lower world. I arrived there flat on my back, atop a desert mountain. Falcon appeared, already with his talons in my thigh, pecking, pecking my flesh. The pecking became more insistent until all at once and quickly he was tearing away pieces of my flesh. I welcomed this, as much as I could. At one point, I was asked, I’m not sure by who, if I would like to be anesthetized. I turned the offer down with little hesitation. We continued. He tore flesh from me in what seemed to be larger and larger chunks. It wasn’t fast enough, and my one request was that we find a way to hurry the flesh removal more quickly, perhaps with a flesh eating bacteria entering my wounds. Spirit agreed, and this was done. My flesh dissolved until my bones were clean. I turned my body over and willingly offered my other side, which was summarily ripped into by Falcon. When my bones were fully picked clean, I lay prone. Just then, a herd of elephants came from behind. I felt the crushing force of the first, and then the rest of Elephant followed, stampeding, obliterating what was left of me into the earth.

A Journey in the Here and Now

You maintain that your insistence on finding explanations for everything is something so deeply ingrained in you that it overrules every other consideration, that it’s like a disease. There are no diseases, there is only indulging. And you indulge yourself in trying to explain everything.
We both are beings who are going to die. There is no more time for what we used to do. Now you must employ all the not-doing I have taught you and stop the world.
– Journey to Ixtlan

So, I sat down on the floor with the intention of doing nothing. Then, I decided to read, but nothing academic. I elected to read News of the Weird, because I haven’t in a while. As I sat cross-legged on my rug, spreading the Austin Chronicle out before me I thought “Yeah, because I won’t learn ANYTHING reading this!!” About halfway through News of the Weird, I encountered a story about facial recognition software that online instruction programs can use that can tell if a student is disengaged, and will pause when the “eager” student looks away, or falls asleep. I also found a cool handout of Web 2.0 teaching tools, and the very interesting videos I posted here earlier. What this means is that the deadline referenced earlier, (which is a facilitation on the subject of online learning), has been met. I actually ended up effortlessly completing a project by sitting still. Holy shit!

Sometimes the Journey Comes after the Fact

I visited a Shaman back in Tucson, ten or twelve years ago. I was in the process of ending my first marriage, and I was still quite young. Realizing my naivety, I felt there was something that I needed to know, but did not. This is what led me to consult with Quynn Elizabeth. What led me to her, specifically, I do not remember. At the time, I was a fringe member of a group that endeavored to create a local currency, Tucson Tokens, and she accepted them as payment, since my resources were largely spoken for. It is possible that my membership with that group was what led me to her, specifically.
The funny thing is, I can’t actually remember her. I remember a dark blue flowered dress. Not large flowers, but tiny ones, perhaps pink and yellow. And that she had a head band, pink, I think. Not a sporty headband, but one that she tied carelessly into the mist of yellow curls topping her head. I remember the room, in an old building with creaky wooden floors and narrow hallways, and the smell of incense. I don’t remember HER; I cannot see her face in my mind.
I arrived hopeful. I was attempting to leave a relationship, and had the means to make that happen, but life was about to get very difficult for a short period of time. Of greater concern was my immediate ability to leave, not due to lack of resources, but due to the current proximity, power, and influence of the person I was attempting to leave. I hadn’t even thought of this!!! The fact that he might attempt to manipulate me in any particular fashion had not even occurred to me. If it had, I certainly hadn’t considered that he might be successful.
She warned me, plainly, and without drama, “He may be interested in removing your current resources.” He doesn’t have any access to any of my money right now…” “He has access to you. Be aware of ways that he might manipulate you.” There was no ceremony or ritual, there were no rattles or drums. She and I, in a room, sitting on the floor, I shared with her my current events and concerns. Within a few hours of my discussion with Quynn Elizabeth, I would find her words to me to be uncannily useful.
I had gone home, and in the yard of the place where we lived was a large mound of dirt left over from the recent construction of a small shed. After my visit with Quynn Elizabeth, I determined that a quiet meditation on the mound of dirt would do me well, and so there I perched, in the sun (facing west?), centering, opening, centering opening, surrounding myself in light. One of the house cats approached and perched next to me. I didn’t find this unusual since I’ve had a long relationship with cats, in particular, your everyday “run of the mill” housecat; feral cats are also fun. Then, another cat approached and sat next to the first cat; then, another, and finally a fourth. Not only did I have a special affinity for cats of all kinds, but they seemed drawn to me as well. But this was the first time that four cats joined me on a mound, flanking me on both sides. Things were getting interesting on the mound. Quynn Elizabeth’s words sang to me through the blue sky and I sat quietly and otherwise thoughtlessly. And then… a voice behind me. It’s him!!! I turn to face him; the sun seems to become hotter on my brow. “There is a little treat for you inside”, he says, in deceptively casual tone. “No, thank you”, I say simply, and return to the sun, the dirt, the cats…and myself.