Questions of our time

Tom Brady’s Courtroom Sketches Are Proof that Evolution Is Real

In the next few days, a federal judge will hand down a ruling over whether New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady deserved a four-game suspension over his actions in “Deflategate,” wherein he was accused of tampering with footballs before the 2015 A.F.C. Championship Game against the Indianapolis Colts.

While we did not find proof that Brady deliberately deflated several footballs, we found an answer to a much more important issue: evolution is real, and it is proven with these sketches of Tom Brady’s Darwin-esque advancement. (Or, rather, the improving skills of court artist Jane Rosenberg, who admitted she was confounded by his handsomeness and hoped for redemption yesterday.)

Thanks to WBZ reporter Jim Armstrong, we observe Brady’s transition from a needle-nosed lungfish that crawled out of the ocean on its tiny legs . . .

It remains to be seen whether Brady will go extinct or turn his new mutation, which appears to be an enlarged, protruding forehead, to his advantage. (Given its similarity to certain head-butting dinosaurs, it may protect Brady from concussions.)