﻿Perils

Being active can be perilous, and being active outdoors gives peril a much larger quiver to choose from. Here are 5 very perilous perils to be ready for if you’re an active, outdoorsy type.

Nipple trauma: Let’s get this out of the way first. That is my nipple blood, and as painful as it looks, it was nothing compared to the stinging bloodbath that was my after-run shower. Nipples seem to be quite vascular and they do not respond well to being over-rubbed. Solution: When your nipples bleed, post a picture of it on Facebook and tag your brother or a friend in it.

Regional chaffing: This is similar to nipple trauma but it happens much further down. In my experience, the main cause of regional chaffing is the built-in liners of running shorts, which can cut like a hacksaw into places where hacksaws should never be. Solution: Body glide I guess, but if you find a real solution to this then email me.

Weight gain associated with light beer dissatisfaction: Beer should match your level of stoke, but stoke-heavy beers have many more calories then beers with no stoke, like Michelob ultra. The real peril happens when you’re so stoked that you lose count. Solution: Lawson’s Super Session IPA

Fatiguing at work: This is a peril mostly associated with the unsponsored among us. I’m not suggesting that TK isn’t super tired after spending hours in the mountains each day, but it’s not like he has to go to the office afterwards. Solution: Work from home as much as possible.

Addiction to internet cabin porn: The more time we spend outside, the more we do not want to be inside, and we especially don’t want to be inside at status meetings. A great way to kill time while not outside is to look at pictures of cabins. Solution: Call in to meetings from your desk so nobody can see what you’re really doing.