THE STUBBLE

In the words of Voltaire the Great French philosopher “La folie est de retour” (ok I made that up!Voltaire never said that. I just wanted to sound scholarly like I went to Berkeley or something Ivy). Anyway I’m back and truth be told I’ve been trying to hold back on this for awhile cause it might be offensive to a small majority of oddballs(my opinion) but here goes everything.

On Tuesday, February the 15th, while darting through the corridors of my office on my way out after a hard day’s job (way back when I had a job) I bumped into this person and fell hard on the floor, as I readjusted to get myself back up, I was immediately drawn to dazzling and attractive legs and my, were they to die for, long, smooth, supple, milky textured (if only words could describe). As I gradually worked my way upwards past hips that told no lies and ample bosoms that stood firmly like Mount Rushmore, I was surprisingly taken aback by the stubble underneath the chin which had cornered off one section and was looking to conquer more space, this was a rude awakening and all the thoughts of grunting, sucking and squeezing dissipated instantly (I admit I’m a dog).

I was instantly fixated and though she had long silky hair (not Brazilian by the way) and piercing hazel nut eyes (go with me on this one) I couldn’t take my eyes off the stubble. It was the only thing I could visualize. Being extremely learned( Believe me I don go school die) I know that a stubble on a women is not unnatural, it happens to the best of them, its due to some hormonal imbalance where testosterone( it’s the shit that give guys their mojo) happens to be elevated in a woman ( ill save you the mumbo jumbo). My issue isn’t with the fact that women have stubbles like the ones that keep a strand or five, it’s the fact that some prefer to grow theirs (like rick ross) and wear it lifelong.

Seriously in my opinion it’s the most unattractive feature a woman can possess, I thank my sisters who take their time to look good for a nigga, and the grooming you go through(bikini waxes, the pedis and manis, long hours at the salon, shaving those legs, the list is endless) in my books is applauded and appreciated. I’ve heard stories about some guys finding ladies with facial and chest hair attractive(I haven’t met one yet just heard) and I know we all can’t have the same taste but those men’s so called meat is not meat but cyanide in its rawest form. I know it’s a burden to have hair in the wrong place that is no fault of yours but nothing hurts if you shave it off every other day, its one burden you’ll have to carry but it won’t kill you (look at me I’ve been jobless for years and I’m surviving).

With more options out in the market to get rid of hair, I see no excuse why a woman should wear a beard. I don’t know if I speak for majority of men out there but imagine fondling a woman with facial and chest hair, in my books if you do that then you might as well be swinging for the other team. On the other hand I wonder how women who date hairy guys feel, like kissing all that hair, what’s it like (abeg o I’m allowed to wonder nah). What I can’t fathom is why any man would want to kiss a hairy woman (the hair itself is an anomaly, like how being gay is, let’s not lie to ourselves).

Please if I offend in any way I’m not sorry, and to all my sisters with stubbles buy a clipper and visit Abe it’s what we do. And I’m out P.S Abe can be found in downtown Malaysia at Abe and Co.’s barbing saloon (and I shit you not)

Who am I? Simply put I’m N.O.T or simpler still NUTS. I love life - the ups, the downs, the merry go rounds, but most of all I love that babe that carried me for nine months ... She’s my inspiration, my role model. I can kill for music & I’ve seen enough movies to tell u the end; I love women & hanging out especially with my peoples. On that note enjoy my articles; sometimes it’ll be funny, sometimes long & annoying but most times it’ll just be nutty.

9 comments

Wow! Thanks a lot for pointing this out, because seeing a lady with facial or chest or even pubic hair irritates me!(My opinion). Ladies should invest in buying veet(hair removal cream) if they are not ok with the idea of using shaving sticks.

Hilarious….facial hair is very unflattering. But i do feel for my fellow ibo gals(not discriminating oh, but we r well known for our facial hair). Pls spend a lil more time in D̶̲̥̅̊ shower and take it off.

@ Andrew, since you mentioned it, let’s go there. Female pubic hair irritates you? So your girl has to stay shaved up every damn day of her life? Maybe you’re more attracted to pre-pubescent boys (awon 12 going on 13). My opinion.

@ Writer, this wasn’t offensive, but it definitely raises questions. If a fine chick (in your words) is made unattractive because of a li’l bear-bear, let me point out that when chicks go down on dudes, we don’t like hair in our mouths. (Again, I guess we’re going there) I’d much rather not floss with pubic hair, but since many dudes consider it a symbol of their dude-ness, no one’s gonna ask you to shave. Double standard, no?

Personally,shaving those hairs or tweezing them tends to make the women even more attractive cos it leaves bumps and sometimes darkens the chin which is prolly why most women decide to just leave them. Besides,its the inner beauty u shd be focusing on really – hair or no hair!