O’Reilly panics: lesbians are “declaring themselves” in yearbooks (and not just in cute BFF signatures)

Having informed us that lesbian gangs are taking over America, Bill O’Reilly is back to warn us about a new phenomenon: Cute lesbian couples are taking over America’s high schools! What’s more, they’re doing it just to “tweak” adults. Darn kids these days.

On the Nov. 7 edition of The O’Reilly Factor, He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Heard spoke to Dr. Laura Berman, director of the Berman Center and assistant clinical professor at Northwestern University. The topic of the day was Waukegan High School in Illinois — specifically, the “Cutest Couple” poll for the senior yearbook. In those hallowed halls, Brandy Johnson and Lupe Silva were voted the cutest couple of them all, and it’s not hard to see why:

Yes: because they’re cute! But to O’Reilly, it’s not that simple: No, the Waukegan Bulldogs are trying to make an issue of something — trying to start a revolution via yearbook poll. After all, that’s tactic No. 43 in the Homosexual Agenda Handbook. Next on the list: stocking the soda machines with virgin mimosas and herbal teas!

Dr. Berman (who, of course, considers the poll a sign of progress) held her own and then some, chuckling and smirking and all but rolling her eyes at O’Reilly’s ridiculous statements. I myself was shrieking with outrage when he started going on about “appropriateness” and the difference between “who you are and what you do,” but I should take a page from Dr. Berman’s book and master the art of the derisive grin. See for yourself, and remember: Polls are subversive weapons of mass resocialization. Sorta like Fox News.