Forty and freaked about being fat. I had my LapBand placed April 20, 2009. On my Bandiversary one year later-April 20, 2010- I had all of my excess skin surgically removed. I am starting this decade of my life much healthier and happier.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Progress Pics

The four top pictures to the left are of eleven months progress. In that time, I have only lost 30 of my 130 lbs lost. I didn't on purpose take any pictures until I was below 200 lbs. I think these may even be more dramatic than the rogue pictures that were snapped between 299 and 200 lbs. I pretty much just looked fat, fat, or fatter and/or miserable, miserable, or more miserable.

This fireplace progression series of pictures- I think there's evidence of weight loss, but also of happiness. I'm keeping them to the side and at the top, so I can have this visual reminder of my journey. Sometimes I forget so easily the lessons I've learned, and the changes I've made are permanent. I've worked hard to discover the ways that will work for me to keep a realistic weight for the rest of my life. There was no point in losing weight, if I thought there was a chance I'd just regain it all back. I had been there and done that (cough *running* cough)- and I need to rely just on my diet to stay at my weight. Exercise would put me in much smaller sizes (and much lower weight)- but that kind of regimen comes and goes depending on schedule, weather, illness- too many variables to include it as a staple in my long term success plan.

I really love how my band has been a tool in re-educating my brain to create a much healthier relationship with food. I'm not a health nut, but I also don't abuse food, or have a weird relationship with it. I don't ever remember being hungry pre-band. Ever. I ate way too much for that to happen. Now, I eat when I'm hungry (which can take a while as any sweetspot bandster can tell you)- but it's a real tummy rumbling, true hunger- something I hadn't felt for a very long time. I eat what I love, because I can keep doing that forever. I don't fight my natural eating rhthyms- I eat most of my calories at night. I don't have the emotional energy to fight myself or my body.

Coming to peace with food is the best gift I've ever been given. I didn't realize that would happen when I first got my band. I grieved for food so badly my first month after surgery. GRIEVED. Then, I was afraid of what I might still be able to do to myself, even with the band. That's where I was when the first of these pictures was taken. Now, I'm at a place where if I eat alot because the situation presents itself, I know it's a normal situation. If I were to gain a little, I know I can lose a little. I've maintained now really since spring, minust a few pounds.

I think about running, or hcg, or other methods to get down to like 150 lbs and a size 8, and maybe one day I'll do that. Today's not that day. If I were to stay where I am for the rest of my life, the majority of days I will honestly say that is perfectly fine with me. And, if I keep my eyes on these pictures, I can see on my body and face the story of the lessons I've learned, and keep them in my brain, heart and life forever.

8 comments:

I adore you and this post. It is honest and true to the journey i am on with my band. I am far from the finish line but i don't feel like I'm in a race, It's a reprogramming process that takes some people longer than others. I wish I could say it comes easier to me but it is a hard sell and I am a work in progress. Thanx for letting me see that I'm not alone in these thoughts. *Maria*

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About Me

Lap-Banded 04-20-09 and it was one of the best decisions of my life. At 299 lbs, I refused to see 300 EVER, and decidided something drastic had to be done. The second my insurance covered bariatric surgery, I started my Lap-Band process. I've now lost over 100 lbs!