Jokes Page 4

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said,
'That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.' In a huff, the woman
slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near
the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she
was agitated and asked her what was wrong. 'The bus driver
insulted me.' she fumed. The man sympathized and said: 'Why, he's
a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers.'
'You're right.' She said. 'I think I'll go back up there and give
him a piece of my mind.' 'That's a good idea,' the man said.
'Here, let me hold your monkey.'

A man was driving down the road and there was a road block.
Police officers were walking and telling people what was going
on. The police man finally got to the man and said, 'O.J. Simpson
just heard the verdict and is threatening to cover himself in
gasoline and burn himself to death and he said he wont have any
money left and we're going around collecting donations.' The man
said 'How much do you have so far?' The police man said, '10
gallons.'

A minister has just died and is standing on line waiting to be
judged and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in
front of him about himself. "I'm a taxi driver from Noo Youk
Cidy." Suddenly the angel standing at the gate calls out
next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden
staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses and wine and lets him
pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the
gates. Next, the minister steps up to the angel and the angel
hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water. The minister
is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi
driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my
entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?"

The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results, all of
your people sleep through your sermons, in his taxi, they
pray."

Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

'If automotive technology had kept pace with computer
technology over the past few decades,' boasts Gates, 'you would
now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top
speed of 10,000 miles per hour,' says Gates.

'Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and
gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the
sticker price of a new car would be less than $50,' he continues.

In response to all this goading, the GM chairman replies,
'Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four
times a day?'

A thief stuck a pistol in a gentleman's ribs and said, 'Give
me your money.' The gentleman shocked by the sudden attack said,
'You cannot do this, I am a congressman.'

The thief said, 'In that case, give me my money.'

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and
realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early
spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the
Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to
say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This
way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his
parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it
was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, 'You're not going to
let him get away with this, are you?' The Lord sighed, and said,
'No, I guess not.'

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell
into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was
astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, 'Why did you let him
do that?'