Ha ha ha ha! That's a cute one. Here's one I got from a website: The Pastor and the Eggs

The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents.

Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 45 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings.

He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 45 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1."

"A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Proverbs 17:22 Grace be with you all, Rebel <><

* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can! * Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really. * Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9

If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together

Now subtract 5

Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)

Think of a country that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter of the name of that country

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter

Remember the last letter in the name of that animal

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter

Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?

FREAKY Huh? Tell me what you think. Did it work?

Logged

Either the Bible will Keep you from Sin, or sin will keep you from the Bible

Did it ever! I tried that one on my big sister and it worked on her too.

Fire Engine Why is a fire engine red? Well . . .

There are 8 wheels and 4 firemen on a fire engine. 8+4=12. There are twelve inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler. The Queen Elizabeth is a ship. Ships sail in the sea. The Red Sea is the name of a sea. Russians are known as "Reds." A fire engine is always rushin' by and that's why it's RED. Good-bye! Grace be with you all, Rebel <><

Adam, God made out of dust, but thought it best to make me first.So I was made before man to answer God's holy plan.A living being I became and Adam gave to me my name.I from His presence then withdrew and more of Adam never knew.I did my Maker's law obey, nor ever went from it astray.Thousands of miles I go in fear, but seldom on earth appear.For purpose wise that God did see, He put a living soul in me.A soul from me God did claim and took from me the soul again.So, when from me the soul had fled, I was the same as when first made.Without hands or feet or soul, I travel on from pole to pole.I labor hard by day, by night; to fallen man I give great light.Thousands of people, young and old, will by my death great light behold.No right or wrong can I conceive; the Scripture I cannot believe.Although my name therein is found, they are to me an empty sound.No fear of death doth trouble me; real happiness I'll never see.To heaven I shall never go, nor to hell below.Now, when these lines you do read, go search your Bible with all due speed.For that my name is written there, I do honestly to you declare.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" [Turn from your sin]

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,"Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Oh! Oh! I know the answer to the riddle. I scrambled my brains out trying to get this right. Would any of you mind if I shared the answer or should I give you some more time to figure it out for yourselves? Grace be with you all, Rebel <><

Oh! Oh! I know the answer to the riddle. I scrambled my brains out trying to get this right. Would any of you mind if I shared the answer or should I give you some more time to figure it out for yourselves? Grace be with you all, Rebel <><

3 couples (1 presbyterian,1 methodist, 1 baptist) died and went to the pearly gates to be admitted. the presby couple stopped in front of St. peter and said "did we gain admittance to heaven?St peter looked at his scroll and said, well you presbyterians like strong drink, you even married a woman named sherry, go your way.NEXT the methodist couple stepped up and asked the same of St. peter, and peter replied, You methodist really love your money...you love money so much that your wife's name is penny, go your way!NEXTthe baptist couple started to proceed, then turned back, the husband said , come on FANNY we dont stand a chance!

Logged

And all the inhabitants of the earth [are] reputed as nothing: and he doeth according to his will in the army of heaven, and [among] the inhabitants of the earth: and none can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou? Daniel 4:35

Umm, nope. Bible isn't found in the Word of God at all. I think I'll just keep y'all guessing.

Oh, and s'cuse me but I've got an announcement. Ahem . . .

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro- English." In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly,this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter!

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' wiz 'v'. During ze fifz year ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kurs be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a rali sensibl ritn styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evriun vil find it ezi tu undrstand ech ozer.