November 21, 2005

SO U WANNA MEET A MAN 101

Finding a date-worthy man is tough, but you could be making it harder on yourself. You're hot, you're fun, you have a cool job and a big circle of friends ‑- in other words, you're the whole package. Then why the hell can't you meet a guy? "Often, women subconsciously give off 'keep away' signals," says psychotherapist Rhonda Findling, author of The Dating Cure. Well, here are some pinpointed mistakes you might be making and a few ways for you to remedy the situation ASAP. You hang with a big group of girls.When going on a manhunt, you may feel better bringing backup. Problem is, surrounding yourself with a posse makes you unapproachable. "It's intimidating for a guy," says Findling. "He's afraid of being rejected in front of an audience." To make yourself available, go out with just one wingwoman or separate from the crew and work the room solo.Besides,don't you want to be the first to find that Denzel look a like with no kids,no criminal records and a six figure income?You Always Hit the Same PlacesHow many times have you found yourself saying, "Ugh, there are no cute guys here"? And yet, the following week, you're back at the same bar, with the same people, saying the same thing. "Well, if you want to find a great catch, you should venture outside of your comfort zone," says New York City psychologist and life coach Janice D. Bennett, Ph.D. Next time,think about venturing out the hood and giving some place else a try. You Give Some Guys the Cold ShoulderWhen you're eyeing a sexy piece and some so-so dude starts chatting your ear off, you're probably tempted to blow him off. But that could backfire. "If the object of your affection sees you acting rude, he'll move on to a girl who isn't as bitchy," warns Findling. Not only that, but the B-list boy could actually turn out to be cool. So unless he acts like a sleaze, give the guy a break and talk to him. If he still leaves you cold, politely excuse yourself and move on.HE'S watching you,and I'm not talking about Jesus (although he wouldn't like that behavior either).You Refuse to Be Set UpYou whine about how hard it is to meet a man, yet you veto any friend who tries to hook you up and you won't even try online dating. "You need to open yourself up to any opportunity," says Bennett. "Spread the word that you want to be set up." And at least log on to a dating site and see who's out there. If you click with a guy, great; if not, you don't even have to endure a bad blind date. But as with all dates,use common sense and public meeting places.A crazed pervert can be met at Saks,Burger King,the club,church,not just online...remember that.You're Too IntentIt's fine that you want to meet someone, but you don't want to be so obvious about it. "Men can sense desperation," warns psychotherapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of Calling in "The One." "Most guys will steer clear of a girl they think is dying for a boyfriend." In addition, being on a man-finding mission can make you self-conscious. "You become so fixated on how you look and act that you can't enjoy yourself," says Findling. The goal should be to have fun, not meet guys. The irony: Your laid-back vibe will attract men anyway. So fall back and play it cool ladies.Would you want that type of man?