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Thursday, March 19, 2009

What's that you say?

These are the longest pair of jeans I've ever owned. I'm 5'11. Most of that is leg. For being so tall I kind of have a short torso, although I do have crazy long arms to go with the crazy long legs. Let not forget my crazy long fingers and toes as well. Did you see those toes up there? I used to play the keyboard with those toes. I'm not kidding. And my fingers? Look at my fingers in this picture:

It looks like my fingers are going to eat John's face. Even the slime monster in the background has realized this and is terrified for John. My fingers actually scared a slime monster. Bring me over and my fingers will scare off any boogieman under your kid's bed. BTW, John's nickname for me is Jack Skellington. Yeah. He's sweet.

Anyways, back to the jeans. One of my goals this year was to find a pair of jeans that fit well no matter the cost. Well, I'm cheap. I cannot bring myself to buy expensive jeans. Expensive jeans to me are around $60. Anything over that is just plain ridiculous in my book. As for the fit - did you know most long lengths are only a 34 inch inseam? I need a 35-36 if I ever want to get out of flats or flip flops. This goes with dress slacks too. 34 inches is pretty much the standard long. Thankfully flats are in right now or I'd be screwed. We're not allowed to wear cropped or capri pants in my office. Besides, whenever I try on capris I feel like the retarded tall girl that couldn't find pants that were long enough. I've been given tons of recommendations for jeans by tons of people. These recs are always designer jeans. "Oh, go to Nordstroms and get a pair of such and such jeans. They're super long and I always have to get them tailored."

One: I have NEVER in my entire life had a pair of jeans tailored for length. Ever.

Two: That brings me to my jean pet peeve. All you short people out there - Get your hands off the longs in the store! You have 2 different lengths to choose from already! I'm sure all my tall girls out there will agree that it is just a big pain in the butt to find long lengths in the store only to glance over to some short chick that has worn holes in the legs of her jeans because she walks on them all day. We hate you and your holy jeans.

Three: To all the stores - why oh why can you not carry long lengths in the store? I HAVE to try on clothes and again this is all your fault. The fact is, you change your sizing every six months, and give your new sizing some obscure nickname instead of relaxed fit, midrise bootcut. It has to be the Flirt or the Stacey or the Amber. They're jeans, not strippers! So I am forced to go into your store, try on your hooker named jeans so I can figure out the right fit, go online, hope that you even have the slutty named jeans in a long length, order them and then pay for shipping. You suck.

Four: Even if I could bring myself to buy these $150 designer jeans that everyone says I should go out and buy, they do not come in my size. Not even if I lost 20 lbs would these jeans be in my size. I have these things called birthing hips that will never ever in a million years fit into a pair of designer jeans. Those jeans usually only go up to a size 30 or 31 and sometimes if you're really lucky a 32 (that you can only find online on some obscure website that you don't feel comfortable ordering from anyways). Of course they say that a 32 is like a 12 or 14, but that is just a big fat lie.

Five: On to the crazy sizing. I mean you go to Express and buy a 10, but a 10 is really a 12, they're just trying to make you feel skinny. But then you find out that everyone does this and so if you really are a 12 or a 14 you end up getting that sad pitiful look from the dressing room attendant as she tells that they don't carry anything over a 12 or a 14 in the store. Then if you can actually suck it up and walk in to a Lane Bryant, because OMG a 14 is considered Plus Size in the fashion world you find out that their 16 is called a 14 and so you will NEVER find a piece of clothing in your size.

Yeah, this is what I go through EVERY TIME I go shopping. So when I randomly wandered into a Steinmart and found these jeans I was in absolute HEAVEN. (Yeah, Steinmart, I have NO CLUE what possessed me to go there, but I'm glad I did)

The brand is Kut from the Kloth. Obviously in crazy long lengths (I'd tear them up if I wore flats with them) and best of all, they were under $60. On a side note, I also found a pair of Calvin Kline jeans that were the same length as these on clearance for $20. No pictures though because the button had fallen off and I'm having a new one put on for just $3.

Yes, I tried on every pair of 3 inch heels that I own with these jeans. I also hate my carpet even more now.

3 comments:

Oh, I hope you don't mind another complaint about jeans to the designer Gods because here is another one.

Don't assume that if we have wider thighs and longer legs that our waist is 3 times larger than our hips! Some of us have small waists and don't like to wear a belt for the 500 yards of extra fabric around my waist just to look stupid in the process! Seriously people!

OMG! I was laughing like a hyena since I know just what you go through with jeans, too! And Immortal Beloved is so right...I have to always wear a belt with my jeans or they start showing butt crack. Not so pretty! I guess I'll be heading over to Stein Mart soon!