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camd2000, Parent Coach/Therapist

Category: Parenting

Satisfied Customers: 13

Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Child and Family Therapist, Parent Educator and Mother.

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I am not sure if I am in the right place to ask this question,

Resolved Question:

I am not sure if I am in the right place to ask this question, but here goes. How do I convince a child that her Uncle is not her father other than a DNA test? We do not know who her father is and one of her demented friends dropped that bomb on her as a possibility. I guarantee that this is not even remotely possible.

This is a tough situation. Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I hope that I can help. I definitely understand your concerns and it sounds like you are concerned about how this may impact your son as well. It sounds like the child is looking for answers about who her father is and unfortunately there aren't any. It is normal for her to imagine that different people might be her father because she just wants to know him. There may not be an easy way to convince her, but here is what I suggest. Acknowledge her feelings about really wanting to know who her father is. Be honest with her about the situation. The more honest you are about the situation (even if you don't have all the answers and have to say "I don't know" in response to some of her questions), the more likely she is to believe you when you say that her Uncle is not her father. You can also talk to her about what she imagines her father is like, what he looks like, who he is, where he is from, what his likes and dislikes are ,ways she may be similar to him. This can help her sort through some of her feelings about wanting to know him and lets her fantasize about who he is. For this to be the most successful, I would have this conversation at a time when things are calm. Maybe take her out somewhere to the park or to have a smoothie and then have the conversation with her. You can start with something like, "I know you really believe that your uncle is your father, but he is not and I would tell you if he was. I know you think I am keeping something from you, but I will tell you everything I know. Unfortunately, I don't know who your father is. What do you imagine him to be like?......" And, it is important to continue checking in with her periodically about how she is feeling and if she has more questions. Especially during times that she might be thinking about him more (holidays and father's day).

camd2000 :

I hope this has been helpful. If so, I would appreciate a positive rating, but if not, I would love to continue this conversation until you are satisfied. I wish you all the best.

camd2000 :

Kerrie

Customer:

well I am certain that a DNA test would disprove this. I have all the just not possible things for her but she just will not accept them. Unfortunately her mother told her a bunch of fairy tale covver up stories so the child does not believe anything. So if there is nothing more that I can do medically except the DNA test I guess that is the way I will have to go. When you put all of my children and grandchildren in the same room you know that they all belong to each other.

camd2000 :

I am sorry that her mother told her some fairy tales. That does make it very difficult for her and everyone. Being honest (in an age-appropriate way) with children usually works the best. As far as something medically you can do to convince her that her uncle is not the father, I would not be able to tell you since I am a parenting expert and not a medical expert. I hope that some of the information I have given you has been helpful, but to get some medical information I would try to see if a medical expert can answer that question. Please let me know if there is any way I can further help with the parenting aspect. I wish you all the best.

Customer:

I will give you a positive rating, but I need to know how to turn this question back over so another medical expert can look at it. Usually there is a button to push.

Here is the link to the medical experts. You can copy and paste your question there. I hope that you get the information you are looking for. If there is anything more I can do please let me know. I wish you all the best.

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