Thursday, October 18, 2007

confession #10: i'm not consistent with my devotions

Don't shun me. Try not to judge me.I know you want to after reading my confession title.I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 5, which means I have had roughly 31 years of inconsistent, on again/off again, ever so erratic, times set aside for prayer and Bible reading on a daily basis.There it has been said. Pull yourself up off of the floor.I know I have shattered your image of me.I am a pastor's wife after all. I know you THOUGHT I spent 2.3 hours praying fervently each morning before I woke the children and another hourcommitting a chapter of scripture to memory in myevening quiet time just after I tucked the children in bed.Let's just lay it all out here....I don't play the piano either.If this all too much for you to take in, step away from the screen, and throw up a quick prayer on my behalf.Because I have one more confession for you.I have grown up thinking that devotions is something I need to check off of my to do list.Like groceries, check. Bills, check. Devotions, check.Now I can move on with my day.And what I am realizing is that Jesus didn't have devotions.He had a devotional life. He was in God's presence ALL DAY.He didn't set aside 20 minutes a day to connect with GodHe was connected to God whether he was at a party or at the synagogue or eating fish for lunch. And maybe some days he didn't step away from the crowdsto pray by himself but then other times he took, oh, say40 days to pray by himself. There was no formula to it.Which is disheartening, tsgs, because I love a good formula.Jesus was ALWAYS listening for his Father's voice and his direction. So all of that to say, our church has been using the LIFE Journal.Where you read scripture, observe it, apply it, pray about it.And write it down. This can be done alone or with a group of friends.It is changing how I look at God's word and how I view the time I set aside for connecting with God.I'm trying to break free from the thoughtthat devotions have to look like what I've thought they should look like.I would like my relationship with Jesus to be more than a glance at the scriptures and a hurried prayer.Maybe I can have a devotional life, too.So I am using this Life Journal as my starting place.Because I have a history of poor devotion times,I am just plain stinky at figuring out a "time-with-God" formula,I am trying something new. I'm asking God to help me hear himnot for 20 minutes in the morning or the hour before bed.I would like to learn how to be open to God speaking to me ALL DAY.Just think, maybe it's like Brother Lawrence said,you can be in God's presence while you are doing the dishes.I don't know about you but I have a lot of dishes.This could get interesting.

Thanks for being so real! I did NOT have to pick myself up off the floor, since I have become so consistent on being inconsistent. I don't think God is wanting for us to mindlessly "do" what's "right", but more than that, for us to "know" where our heart is in all that we do. Your insight is an encouragement to me and what I see in you is character...not "an image". Love you, Beth

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My name is Susanna Foth Aughtmon. I am a church planter's wife and mother of three giant boys. I am living out the great adventure of following Jesus and writing books. I can’t get enough of my family, my readers, dark chocolate and good coffee. And laughing is my favorite.