Q - What is this blog about?
A - It's stuff written by Andrew Girardin. And comics and games.
Q - I'm weakminded and need to be popular. What do my peers say about it?
A - "Your blog is so funny! It's the best written blog! Why don't you write a full-length novel? I'd gladly buy it!"
Q - Is Andrew that guy who translates the Asterix jokes?
A - Yes.
Q - Why doesn't he just stick to that?
A - Good point. Don't know.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The World's Worst Dating Advice?

Women are like video games. If a man presses her 'forward' button, then the left, then lets his thumb sweep round the joypad while pressing the A button, his girlfriend will then produce a giant blue fireball. This will score the boyfriend as many as five hundred points.

That's why this guide is so useful - it shows exactly how to keep the love and romance in a relationship. If you do three things a day, your relationship is sure to prosper.

Assuming you are too busy and important to click on links, here are some highlights:

1. Upon returning home, find her first before doing anything else and give her a hug. [Even if you really need the toilet or if she's napping and hugging her will wake her up.]3. Practice listening and asking questions. [Mirrors can be useful for this.]10. Validate her feelings when she is upset. [Validating a temper tantrum is definitely the right thing to do.]18. Offer to build a fire in the wintertime [Useful if your girlfriend lives in 1950.]22. When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up. [It's not enough to just ask. You have to remember to get the stuff!]24. Give her four hugs a day. [Never three; never five.]29. Notice when the trash is full and offer to empty it. [And prove that romance isn't dead.]34. Take her side when she is upset with someone. [Especially if that someone is you.]57. Notice how she is feeling and comment on it, e.g., "You look happy today" or "You look tired", and then ask a question like "How was your day?" [Women love being told they look tired.]60. Surprise her with a love note or poem. [But don't leave a post-it note on the keyboard of her laptop or she'll freak out. I know.]68. Write out neatly any phone messages you make or take for her. [Many relationships have been ended by poorly written messages.]89. Create special time to be alone together. [Time machines are handy for creating time. Also, starships with warp drives.]99. Eat lightly on romantic occasions so that you don't become stuffed and tired later. [When she asks why you aren't eating, tell her it's because you are looking forward to some sexy time later. Do your best Borat voice.]