I wear two hats in my world: I am both an investigative attorney and physical security/communications expert. For the past forty years, I have worked investigations, both criminal and civil, first for government agencies and then private corporate clients. These cases have mainly involved major insurance fraud, heists, technology related crimes, exploits of communications systems, and other offenses, some terrible and others more mundane. I also work for many of the major lock manufacturers in the world and run a team that figures out how to compromise these locks in seconds, then fix them. My story was pretty much summed up by Wired Magazine in a feature article in 2009, when I was dubbed the "Keymaster." I have always believed that full disclosure of security vulnerabilities in locks and related systems should be the rule, unless it involves national security, in order that the consumer, business sector and government understand potential risks. I solicit your input at mwtobias@security.org and your comments on my blog. My security website is www.security.org and my security blog is in.security.org

Delta Flight Attendant: We're Here To Save Your A-- Not Kiss It

Our aircraft lost pressurization after leaving Minneapolis. The oxygen masks appeared automatically, just like you are told in the safety briefing before every flight.

(Written today from 35,000 feet aboard Delta flight 1496)

A few days ago I was speaking with one of my good friends who is a senior Delta flight attendant with more than thirty years of experience with the airline. I was complaining about the failure of Delta to accommodate first class passengers for meals because they are always out of salads. Of course I suppose I should not complain, given the fact that I am always upgraded as a Diamond million-miler, but nonetheless neither I nor many fellow passengers like to eat the sandwiches that are offered for lunch, rather than the delicious salads!

She responded to my complaints with a simple, somewhat acerbic but nonetheless true statement: “We are not here to kiss your ass, but to save it!”

If there is an emergency, I understood this to be true but we all take airline safety for granted because of the incredible safety record in flying. We rarely think about the real mission of flight attendants, but that is the real reason they are there; to protect us first.

I was flying from Minneapolis to New York this morning in an MD88 aircraft. We were about thirty minutes into a two hour flight. The flight attendants were just asking everyone what they wanted for lunch when the cabin heat came up all of a sudden, the plane began descending and oxygen masks dropped from their compartments. About two minutes later, the pilot announced that we had lost pressurization and could not continue on to New York. We would return to Minneapolis.

Each row has its own oxygen system. The canisters get very hot, so passengers are warned not to touch them. It is a very clever design which will support flight for several hours, if necessary.

Aircraft must be pressurized because of the lack of oxygen above 10,000 feet.

I believe this is the first time in my fifty years of flying that this has happened, so I was more interested in the technical aspects rather than safety concern. I have had other on-board mechanical issues including the loss of an engine over England (in a small two engine plane) and an aborted takeoff which was a bit tense, but nothing life-threatening. I was also supposed to fly on UAL 232 from Portland to Chicago the day it crashed in Sioux City doing a cartwheel down the runway engulfed in flames. Thankfully, I was delayed and so took the flight the next day.

But it does give one pause to consider that airplanes are incredibly complex and surrounded by highly flammable fuel. When one considers that the typical jet engine contains more than 50,000 parts, it is truly a miracle that everything usually works correctly and millions of passengers get to where they want to go without incident.

I remembered what my Delta friend told me this morning, and while we take airline safety for granted, one instantly understand that you are (in this case) more than 30,000 feet above the ground in a modified rocket. If things go wrong, it is the crew and often some luck that will get you down safely.

The oxygen mask has three butterfly valves that respond to air pressure when you breathe in and out. This way, oxygen comes into the mask but does not escape. When you exhale, the two other valves pass your breath through the outlets.

True to form, I got to examine the oxygen delivery system and thought that it might be of interest to my readers. We rarely see the inner-workings of the actual mechanism. The release of the masks is triggered by a loss of pressurization, or manually by the flight crew. There is actually an electrical switch that links to a latch in the swing-open door. In the case this morning, the Captain announced that he was not able to reduce altitude quickly enough for the automatic system to avoid triggering. So, the entire aircraft looked like a high-tech ICU ward for about thirty minutes until we were below 10,000 feet.

The crew on flight 2096 donned their oxygen canisters and was constantly checking on passengers to be certain they were ok. There was no meal service which, of course was disappointing, but on my second flight to New York a couple of hours later, I did get my salad, but it was macaroni and chicken, not Caesar.

I do not like macaroni, but what can I say. Delta got me to New York, delayed, but safe. Maybe next time they could have enough meal choices to make everyone happy!

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I notice that many of the people commenting miss the point, this article is not about the salad but rather the commitment of the flight crew to everyones safety. The writer even acknowledges this. I like many have been flying for many years and like many am frustrated by the seeming greed of the airlines. I remember a day when the airlines actually were trying to lure the customers to them and had offers (Delta) like reduced companion fares. I have said for a long time that I wouldn’t mind paying for a meal on a flight, but I dont want to pay $4.00 for a bag of M&M’s. This past week I heard that an airline is now charging for carry on bags. It astounds and is beyond belief… our company is now finding it cheaper to hire and station people around the country than it is to fly them for business. I hope the airlines figure this out and do somehthing to make it reasonable again.

As to your complaint about not getting a choice of entree, you’ve got to realize that if there were that many extra meals then the crew would be able to count on leftovers. The company does NOT want to feed any crew member, nor even allow them to take a bottle of water off the aircraft for a layover. NOTHING. That’s why only the exact number of entrees as there are F/C passengers are boarded, which of course means the choice concept only works for maybe the first 2 rows if you’re lucky.

I would like to say as a flight attendant, I appreciate this article. I’d also like to take a sec to give out some information from a flight attendants point of view.

First, one in their right mind would EVER tell a passenger, “I’m here to save your ass, not kiss it.” That is a joke among FRIENDS, and as he stated, the F/A that said it was his friend and they were having a conversation while neither of them were working. Second, the reason f/a’s have that joke is because certain passengers have ruined it for the rest of you. FAA says that for every 50 ppl, 1 F/A can get them to safety. The airlines say that for every 50 ppl, 1 F/A can serve them a drink and get them everything they need. Now I’m not saying this isn’t fesible, but when even ONE of those ppl start acting like they are the most important person on the airplane, other (just as important) passengers start getting the shaft, so what an F/A often does is “shut it down.” No one is trying to be mean, but just keeping “those” passengers in line. The reason that international carriers fair so well against American carriers has to do more with staffing than with attitudes. Take for instance, a 747 aircraft. This aircraft is usually used for international flying, such as Europe or Asia. Minimum crew is 12 F/As and it holds 402 passengers. A US carrier will staff it with 12-14. A foreign carrier will use at least 20. Thats 6 to 8 extra people to help with dinner alone which is a 3 step service. You think those girls at Singapore Air aren’t complaining and talking about passengers in the galley? Please. The reason why F/As are irritable? Days get longer and layovers (not time you get to sightsee, but actual time you get to sleep) are getting shorter. How would you like if for 12 hours, people yelled at you for things you had no control over, refused to follow simple requests mandated by the FAA, poked/and touched you, and treated you like you were an idiot just because of what you did for a living? Now yes, there are people that do need to find new jobs, but for the most part we are nice people that want to be respected and not assualted with a barrage of demands and complaints.

Third, Airlines don’t respect or care about F/As nor passengers. There have been many days that I have been HUMILIATED at how the airline I work for was run. Example: A few weeks ago, I was called to work a flight that was delayed 12 hours (12 HOURS!) due to an aircraft mechanical. They kept these ppl at the gate, and kept insisting the repair would take 15 minutes. They gave them food vouchers for $6 (which is a joke). The previous crew had served the passengers all the drinks we had, and catering refused to come back and restock anything. So, after 12 hours and 3 crew changes we finally left for. We barely had anything to give for a 4 hour flight. Now, another F/A made a point that the video advertising creates millions of dollars of revenue…obviously it doesn’t go to maintaining aircraft, so where does it go? The other gripe with video ads? They come on right after takeoff! The first 20 minutes of any flight is the most dangerous, but instead of making sure ppl focus on saftey they are bombarded with ads for Marriott?

This story is not about a salad here, its about the fact that corporations are so focused on the bottom line they ignore both employees and customers. I understand money is important, but at what point do you take into consideration peoples feelings and concerns? Honestly, I would be surprised if there were even enough meals on that MD-88 that day, let alone enough salads lol.

I say Right On, to your Delta friend. Why is it when people walk through the automatic doors of an airport they somehow feel as if they are in the same realm as God Himself? It’s a means of transportation, not a summer house in the Hamptons! I flew with a much smaller (rural) airline for five years and although we didn’t have cabin class we still had our share of the upper class A’s. I could always tell who was getting served last, when He or She came on board and before you could ask for the boarding pass (their protection as they could be on the wrong plane, oh yeah, that has happened) they instead interrupt you to say ‘I”ll have a Gin and Tonic’. But, isn’t that the way when any kind of service is involved? A police man is busy eating his donut’s, until he saves your life by standing in the pouring rain warning of a bridge wash out. The Military, any branch is open to criticisim until they break up a terroist cell or capture a dictator. Then we want to persucute them if they aren’t exactly gentle with them. People are always going to expect more. Why? I have some idea but this isn’t the article for it. I will say I think Americans the are worse!

There isn’t a “real reason” flight attendants are there. Flying is a service industry. The “real reason” flight attendants are there is to serve the airline customers, whether that means feeding them, getting them blankets, making sure the teenage girl next to the creepy drunk guy gets a new seat, or directing us in an air emergency. They’re being paid to serve us like any service employee of a service oriented company. They’re certainly not being paid to be rude or boorish, or smug in the case of this particular flight attendant. This is one of the reasons I don’t fly Delta anymore and cut up my Amex Delta Rewards card.

Dear Delta: Not to worry your flight attendants think they are the best thing since sliced bread. I do not fly Delta nor will I ever fly Delta. The flights are delayed, the attendants are snobbish and the actual flight is something out of a Stephen King novel. I can save my own a%% thanks, I do not need your overweight, haughty lack of personality to do it for me. In an age where customer service means everything, Delta has constantly shown me nothing, and that’s exactly where I won’t be spending my money.

To Mr Tobias…first of al,l there is Not less oxygen above 10,000 feet. The air still contains 21% O2…it’s the decrease in pressure as you climb that is the problem to human lungs. Secondly, what is it with you and your salad? You sound like a whiney New Yorker