KRAMER: Jerry, Cuban cigars are illegal in this country. That's why I got these guys.

JERRY: (incredulous) You're making your own cigars now?

KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. I got investors all lined up.

(Behind Jerry, Morty wanders over to the kitchen counter.)

JERRY: (to Kramer) Hold on a second. (to Morty) Hiya dad.

(Morty sorts through some pill bottles, before picking one out.)

MORTY: (without looking up) Who are they?

JERRY: They're Cuban cigar rollers.

MORTY: (walking back out of the room) Don't tell your mother.

(Something catches Jerry's ear on the phone.)

JERRY: What is that bubbling sound? Are you making your tomato sauce?

KRAMER: Hot and spicy.

JERRY: (accusing) You're not wearing a shirt, are you?

KRAMER: Yes I am.

JERRY: What colour is it?

(Kramer looks down at his bare torso, and can't think.)

KRAMER: Damn!

(Kramer hangs up the phone.)

[New York Hallway]

(George and Danielle walk up to her door in her building. George has a napkin in his hand on which is some scribbled numbers. Danielle is looking at George, very much as if she's interested.)

GEORGE: You know, you could've just given me Neil's number. You..you didn't have to take me out to dinner.

DANIELLE: I wanted to give it to you in person.

(George shrugs his understanding.)

DANIELLE: (flirtatious) You know, I don't have to be up in the morning, and I know a great breakfast place, right around the corner.

(Danielle gives George a big smile. George smiles, but thoughtfully.)

GEORGE: Does Neil like to eat a big breakfast?

DANIELLE: (inviting) Why don't you come in? We'll take about it.

GEORGE: (looking at his watch) I really should get going. Y'know, I..I wanna be home in case Neil calls.

DANIELLE: Well, goodnight.

(Danielle leans toward George, for a kiss. But George walks away completely oblivious to Danielle. )

GEORGE: (hurried) I'll see you.

(Danielle looks down the hall after George, looking perplexed.)

[Monk's]

(An unhappy Elaine sits at the counter as the waitress pours her coffee.)

WAITRESS: Rough night?

ELAINE: Ugh. You wouldn't believe it. My boyfriend dumped me. My friends, who I don't even like, they won't talk to me. (face-pulling) All because I don't like that stupid English Patient movie.

WAITRESS: Really? I thought it was pretty good.

ELAINE: Oh, come on. Good? What was good about it? (scoffs) Those sex scenes! I mean, please! Gimme something I can use!

WAITRESS: (sour) Well, I liked it.

(The waitress takes the coffee pot and walks away into the back.)

ELAINE: (calling after) Hey. You forgot about my piece of pie. Hello? (irritated) You know, sex in a tub. That doesn't work!

[Mandelbaum Residence, Del Boca Vista]

(Jerry and Morty stroll into the bedroom of the hugely impressive Mandelbaum condo. Morty is still wearing the '#1 DAD' shirt under his tracksuit. Izzy is asleep in the bed.)

JERRY: This is quite a condo.

MORTY: The Mandelbaums own the Magic Pan restaurants.

JERRY: The crepe place?

MORTY: Yeah. This is all big crepe money.

JERRY: (doubtful) There's crepe money?

(Izzy wakes up and sees the Seinfelds at the foot of his bed.)

IZZY: What are you doing here?

JERRY: (apologetic) Aw, Mr Mandelbaum, I just wanted to come by and tell you how sorry I was that you hurt yourself.

(Izzy stares at Morty as Jerry speaks.)

IZZY: What the hell is that?

JERRY: What?

IZZY: That shirt. You think that you are the number one dad?

MORTY: This was a gift from my son.

(Morty displays the shirt proudly. Jerry smiles.)

IZZY: Oh, I see how it works now. (indicates Jerry) He knocks me outta commission, so (indicates Morty) you can strut around in your fancy number one shirt. (moves the bedcovers) Well, I'll show you who's number one.

(Izzy starts to move to get out of bed.)

JERRY: Mr Mandelbaum, please.

IZZY: It's go time.

(Izzy stands up and there is a familiar crunching noise. Izzy freezes in his stance, arms raised.)

IZZY: (pained) Ahh. My back. I can't move.

(Jerry and Morty look on with horrified concern.)

MORTY: Call an ambulance.

JERRY: I think I saw one a coupla doors down.

(Jerry darts out of the door, followed moments later by Morty.)

[Jerry's Apartment/Del Boca Vista]

(Jerry has just returned from Florida, and is putting away his bag. A worried George sits at the table.)

JERRY: (disbelief) So she wanted you to come up, but you left because you thought some guy might be calling you?!

(Jerry puts his bag in the bedroom and returns as George paces the floor.)

GEORGE: (animated) Some guy. Some guy? Neil! I have got to find out how he could get a girl like Danielle.

(Kramer calls a few words of nonsense Spanish out of the door, and the three guys stroll in. They are dressed in Castro-style green fatigues and caps.)

KRAMER: Hey, here they are. The Cubans. Real Cubans.

(Earl Haffler regards the three for a second or two.)

HAFFLER: You wouldn't be trying to sell old Earl Haffler Dominicans in a Cuban wrapper now, would you?

KRAMER: (fidgety) Oh, now, come on. Look at these boys. If they were any more Cuban, Castro would've smoked them himself. Huh.

HAFFLER: (confusion) We're talking about people, right?

KRAMER: (puzzled) I think so.

HAFFLER: I thought he quit smoking cigars.

KRAMER: Well, yeah, yeah. But they also rolled for his brother... (thinks for a second) ...Dennis.

HAFFLER: (dubious) Dennis Castro?

KRAMER: Uh, Dwayne.

HAFFLER: Get the hell outta my office.

KRAMER: (shrill) What!?

[Monk's]

(Danielle and George walk over to, and sit in, a booth.)

DANIELLE: You know, Neil called me today.

GEORGE: (interested) Really?

DANIELLE: Yeah. He's pretty upset that I broke up with him to go out with you.

GEORGE: (smug) Ah, I guess I showed Neil who's Neil.

DANIELLE: He wants to get together tomorrow night and have coffee.

GEORGE: (little worried) Coffee? (thinks) I can beat that. Move in with me.

DANIELLE: (surprised) What?

GEORGE: (smiles) Beats the hell out of coffee.

(Danielle smiles at George, still a touch confused.)

[Movie Theatre]

(Peterman and Elaine sit in the auditorium. The English Patient is playing and many of the crowd are tearfully dabbing their eyes. Peterman is particularly emotional. Elaine looks completely bored, and is tossing pieces of popcorn up in the air to try and catch them in her mouth.)

PETERMAN: (emotional) And I thought I knew what love was.

(One of Elaine's bits of popcorn misses her mouth and falls behind her seat. Elaine twists round and reaches over to retrieve it, before slumping in her seat wearily.)

ELAINE: (indifferent) Yuh.

[Monk's]

(Jerry and George sit in a booth. George looks ragged and is swigging from a bottle of some anti-acid medication.)

JERRY: (incredulous) You asked her to move in with you?

GEORGE: I gotta stay one step ahead of Neil.

JERRY: (musing) What if it's Neil Armstrong?

(George thinks for a moment, his eyes twitching.)

GEORGE: (animated) Then I'm going to Mars!

JERRY: What if it's Neil Diamond?

GEORGE: (tormented) Aw, shut up Jerry! Just shut up!

JERRY: Alright, I gotta go back to the hospital.

GEORGE: What, to see the old guy?

JERRY: No, I got into a thing with the son, and now he's laid up too.

GEORGE: How old's the son?

JERRY: I think he's the same age as the father.

GEORGE: What is with this family?

JERRY: I dunno. It's like, if one of 'em dies, the other one wants to bench press the casket.

(Kramer sidles into the coffee shop. He peers past the register, to where the three guys are sitting in the far corner, talking together. Then he moves over to join Jerry and George.)

KRAMER: (quietly) Hey, Jerry.

(Kramer indicates the three guys with his thumb.)

KRAMER: (noise - like shivery) Datiditadit.

JERRY: You're cold?

KRAMER: No. (indicates with his head) (noise again) Ditadidatidat.

JERRY: Something wrong with your chest?

KRAMER: (indicating with his thumb) Dijadidatjd. There.

JERRY: (leaning round Kramer) Where?

KRAMER: (urgent) No, no. Don't look. Don't look.

(Jerry and George look as if they're infected by Kramer's nervousness, as they try and look surreptitiously at the Dominicans.)

KRAMER: Over there. The Dominicans.

JERRY: Aren't they supposed to be rolling cigars?

KRAMER: Well, it didn't quite work out, and now I've got nothing for them to do.

GEORGE: So?

KRAMER: So, I taught 'em all about Cuba, and they really took to it. You know, Marxism, the Worker's Revolution, the clothing.

(In the corner, one of the Dominicans thumps the table, as if to underscore a point in his argument.)

JERRY: Boy, they seem pretty angry about something.

KRAMER: (nervous) Yeah. I'm a little worried. When there's no work, and the people get restless, who do you think they come after? (pointing to himself, shrill) El Presidente!

(Again, one of the Dominicans thumps the table. Kramer jumps at the sound.)

[The New York Hospital]

(Izzy and Izzy Jr are laid up in beds placed side-by-side.)

JERRY: I swear to you, I didn't know they TV was bolted to the table.

IZZY JR.: I bet you pulled that trick on my daddy, in Florida.

JERRY: He couldn't handle the weight.

IZZY: (hostile) Oh, so now you think you're better than me?

IZZY JR.: (indicating Izzy) You think you're better than him?!

JERRY: (placatory) Look, let me just state for the record, I think you're both better than me.

IZZY: Okay.

(An even more elderly guy than Izzy enters the room behind Jerry. He spreads his arms in greeting to the Mandelbaums.)

(Danielle takes the jug and leaves the room. Dejectedly, George wanders toward the door. As he moves, Neil whispers to him.)

NEIL: (beckoning) George.

(George leans over to Neil, so he can hear him speak.)

NEIL: (quiet triumph) I win.

(George purses his lips and nods ruefully. He stands up and leaves, closing the door behind him. There is a brief pause, then the door opens a few inches and George's hand reaches back inside the room, takes hold of the IV line and tugs it sharply, breaking it free of the IV bag,and drops it. Then the hand is withdrawn and the door closes again.)

[Plane]

(Elaine sits in an aisle seat in a 747, reading a Let's Go Tunisia book. She listens as a voice comes over the tannoy.)

TAN: Ladies and gentlemen. In just one moment, we'll be showing our feature presentation...

ELAINE: (dread) No, no, no, no, no.

TAN: ...the comedy hit, Sack Lunch, starring Dabney Coleman.

ELAINE: (cheering up) Ah, right! Aw, this is shaping up.

(Smiling, Elaine puts down her book to watch the movie. Someone from a seat beside her wants to get out.)

GUY: Excuse me, please.

ELAINE: Oh, sure.

(The guy pushes past her. He's holding a rolled-up magazine closely to his body, as if concealing something and, strangely, is wearing a '#1 DAD' t-shirt. There's a little awkwardness as he squeezes by.)

ELAINE: (uncomfortable) Ooh.

(The guy walks down the aisle and turns to face the passengers. Two other guys in '#1 DAD' t-shirts flank him. They are the three Dominican guys.)

GUILLERMO: Ladies and gentlemen. Because we have been exploited by your Magic Pan crepe restaurants...

(From inside his magazine, Guillermo produces a revolver. The other two guys also pull out guns, which they point upwards and cock, loudly.)

GUILLERMO: ...we are hijacking this plane to Cuba!

(There is consternation among the passengers, shocked looks, gasps, etc.)