On the surface of it, it's merely one of those typical videos where they juxtapose car commuting and bike commuting to show you how annoying driving is and how awesome "bi-keen" is. I mean, it's a foregone conclusion, right? But what they really do is prey upon our familiarity with the genre by ever-so-craftily making the driving look better than the "bi-keen." You hardly notice while you're watching, but if you look at each mode of transportation separately you'll see what I mean.

Notice she's able to do this while enjoying her morning coffee. She's also able to carry her belonging in a stylish leather bag, as opposed to one of those ridiculous Chrome bags with all the seatbelt buckles all over it that looks like a pair of 1980s bondage pants, or like a parachute might explode out of it at any second. Soon she's on her way, as easily as you please:

The streets are free and clear:

The most difficult thing she has to do during her commute is make a left-hand turn onto another empty street:

Though at one point she does have to wait at one (1) red light behind one (1) other driver:

And that's it! Where are the shots of the "epic" traffic jams? Where's the look of nonplussitude as she fills up at the gas station and discovers it costs like 50 bucks to fuel a car that could probably fit in a bakfiets? Where's the endless hunt for a parking space? If this is what driving in San Francisco is like then I'm buying a fleece vest and a trendy car, putting a Sierra Club bumper sticker on it, getting an Internet 2.0 gig with a job description even I don't understand, and becoming a total NorCal "duder."

By comparison, the cycling is abject misery. First of all, due to bike theft and the high cost of San Francisco real estate, she has to keep her giant bicycle in the middle of her bedroom:

How does she even get out of bed, much less visit the bathroom in the middle of the night without becoming a human spoke card?

Next, instead of carrying her coffee and bag to her car while wearing a sporty leather jacket, she has to wear a giant mustard-colored sweater and totally ruin her hair by strapping on a helmet so she doesn't die:

Evidently she didn't want to deal with the additional humiliation of the ridiculous Chrome bag, so she's not carrying anything at all.

Then, she shoves off in a bizarre manner that makes her look like a hood ornament, and the Sierra Club cleverly reminds us that, in San Francisco, you can apparently park your car right in front of your house where, unlike your bike, you won't trip over it in the night when you get up to make a pee-pee:

And things quickly go from bad to worse when some creepy guy starts hitting on her:

("I reeeally like your sweater. Is that mustard?")

The subtext is clear: stay in your car where it's safe, or ride your bike where you'll get drooled on by sexual deviants:

("I reeeally like mustard.")

Presumably she's finally able to shake this guy by giving him a fake phone number, but no sooner has she regained her solitude than some Cat 6 wheelsucker adheres herself to her:

In typical Cat 6 fashion, the wheelsucker sits on her despite the fact that the bike lane is totally clear, and given the fact that that our mustard-clad heroine hasn't even had her morning coffee yet it's a miracle she's managing even that strained smile:

Note they're also wearing the same helmet, since the wheelsucker is probably also a serial copycat.

Finally, after all that, the Sierra Club has the audacity to pull the old "reverse psychology" trick:

Yeah, right.

Evidently, the Sierra Club opted to leave out the fact that this was a "collabo" with ExxonMobil and News Corp.

Observers of the Sierra club have charged that the club's views on population growth, and the efforts of some club members to restrain immigration, are a continuation of aspects of the Eugenics movement.

Granted, this movement consists of only one man, but he's angry enough for at least a hundred, and he claims his "neighbours" are behind him:

This is for the asshat who lives on my cul de sac: take that fucking monstrosity back to what ever grave you dug it out of. Me and my neighbours (not your neighbours, we would never call you that!) have had enough of your shit. I sit down to watch TV in the evenings and what do I see wobbling down the road from my big fucking bay window? Your fucking penny farthing! Nothing irks me quite like the sight of unproportionate wheels do.

It's tempting to dismiss this as the ranting of a lunatic, but fear of vehicles with disproportionate wheels is a very serious condition. It's called "aliusrotasphobia," and the mere sight of a Big Wheel is enough to send sufferers into paroxysms of panic. Then again, I'd probably be leery of an ersatz Victorian who shows off his p-far to children too:

You smile and drive the length of the road, turn around, and come back again. Over and over and over. You stop and show it off to the kids on my street. Not my fucking kid, you can of shit. I wont let him out of the house when you are around.

"I remember when the pennyfarthing man used to come around," his child will write in his memoirs many years later. "Father would lock me in the basement, where I'd cower as I listened to him smashing things and shouting about the evils of asymmetry. He couldn't even use our hose caddy since the wheels were a different size than the spool. Harry John Lawson, inventor of the safety bicycle, was like a god in our house. Father said he saved us from the sin of 'unproportionateness.' There were pictures of Lawson everywhere, even in the bathroom. He still haunts my dreams"

If you like your framebuilders like you like your Shakespeare plays--and your name just happens to be Eric Williams--then this could very well be the deal of the century:

Either way, I bet even Larry Olmsted's Seven Cycles questionnaire didn't allow him to select the personality of his frame's builder, which is of course a key component in determining ride quality. I only hope they begin offering this as an option soon:

As a San Francisco Bike Commuter and CAT 6 podium finisher I can say that the car driver probably doesn't live on that street. She probably walked to starbucks then to her car on the next block. She left an area with no thru-traffic, just residences so the streets would be empty until she got to a cross town street. And they didn't show the homeless by the Mural standing in the middle of the bike lane. They also didn't show the people trying to be fast and pass every person on the street. They also didn't show how she probably ran a red light that almost every cyclist runs through. This is sooo not a documentary, its a fairy tale.

@ghostoftyrone - If the mannshaft is too tall for her inseam, would that make it a pubic bike?

When I saw the bike in the apartment said publicbike.com, I was thinking it was one of those urban bike borrowing program bikes that was borrowed on a more permanent basis. So I searched the interweb for www.publicbike.com and saw that it is an actual bike company with bikes for sale.

There is an endorsement from some guy named Rob Vandermark of MA, whoever that is, on their homepage.

Finally, someone who shares my contempt of the penny farthing. I won't rest until every one has been reduced to steel ingots. Curse them. We'll start a movement, nay a revolution! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Wait, what's that about him being a troll? Curses. Alone again. I'll get you P-Far, I'll get you.

@Rantwick, yes, the modus operandi of the Cat 6 is to alternate wheelsucking and shoaling. They will also run a very-much-red-light with traffic coming just to show you.

They will pass on the right (often when you are in the middle of a lane to avoid a lane narrowing, or a right-turn-only lane that ends, etc) and then nearly cause an accident when they slam on their brakes to get into a better lane position. The best way to make them angry is to wheelsuck on them, but mostly I just let them go because the farther apart we are, the less chance they'll do something stupid and I'll get caught up in it.

It fills my heart with darkness that bibshorts guy was usurped by some dumb model. I love everything about bibshorts: his wife beater, the "don't fuck with me" expression, his Transitions eyewear and his wispy chinstrap beard. The guy is the fucking goods, why did they have to bring boot wearing model lady in and screw it all to hell!

I was with you till you said the goose should wear a tinfoil hat. I don't know what the penalty for cooking and eating a Republican presidential candidate is, but I bet they'd at least take away my bike. I hope they'd let me have some of that dressing first, though, it sounds tasty.

Doesn't the Sierra Club just make you see colors with their bike stuff? I think they may be one of the bigger reasons for backlash against environmental policy. And, they sooooo leave a Cali only taste in my mouth. Gives us Seattleites the heebeejeebees to watch them in action. Very SF centric.

...i'm being totally honest when i say, "...i'll always look at what they do with suspicion..."...

...originally our old club 'velo club tamalpais', pre-mtb days, was affiliated with them 'cuz we were all young & idealistic & saw nothing but the good things they accomplished but the advent of the 'mountain bike' brought their true nature to the forefront...

Dear Snob,Whatever, oh whatever, would you do without Internet videos to make fun of? What would I do without your blog to read to feel smug about Internet videos along with you? Thank Lob for Snob and Internet Vidjoz (that's southern for videos)!

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!