16 ways married couples can arouse each other’s desire (2)

It does not matter whether you are newlywed, you are a nursing mother, or you are a menopausal bride. What matters is that you must treat the nuptial bed like a bona fide business or make it one. You can even be a little mysterious sexually. The fact is that if a wife arouses her husband’s curiosity, it is guaranteed that the man will always be back against all odds. Statistically an average man gets bored easily sexually, until he is aroused again. Voice your sexual fantasy; practise it with your spouse

Six … It is not strange to create sexual scenarios in your mind. However, the best way to relive these scenarios is to share them with your spouse and practise them with them. Experts say all living beings have sexual fantasies, in which an individual imagines himself enjoying erotic moments with his or her spouse in strange places at strange times and so on. Sharing sexual fantasies with your partners is a way of heightening and intensifying erotic potential by showing your spouse possibilities that he or she has never considered before. In turn, this will open the door to a lifetime of sexual ecstasy.

Seven … Most times, spouses underestimate how powerful they become if they can fulfil their partner’s unrequited fantasy. The point is that if your partner has been dreaming about something all of his/her life and then you help make it a reality for him, the chances are that you will definitely inspire him to display incredible loyalty and devotion to you. The advantage of these fantasies is that they give room to aggression, assertiveness, unpredictability and an impulsiveness that creates fun, excitement and expectations; which in turn eliminates boredom. Bear in mind that an average human being loves changes and dislikes monotony, even in marriage.

Eight … Giving your spouse great sex is important; get them easily aroused. Great sex is like a basic chemical reaction between two married lovers. Love and great sex are like chips and ketchups. Giving your spouse great sex is like pledging your eternal allegiance to him or her. It is like vowing to make sure that he or she experiences orgasm for the rest of your life, to create a lasting sexual atmosphere and environment, and to ensure that his or her desire comes first.

Although most men dislike longish foreplay, they are aware of the fact that control is essential during lovemaking and that most women think wonderful sex should be full of slow foreplay and should last long.

Remember that the best sex lasts between seven and thirteen minutes. According to a study published in a journal, medical researchers who surveyed people’s bedroom preferences say two minutes is too short, three to seven minutes is semi-adequate and 30 minutes may be too long.

Nine … Do all you can to create a stress-free life, this will produce a stress-free sex and make arousal a possibility. Sex will be sweeter when stress is out of the way. How well you sleep will determine whether you will enjoy stress free sex or not. Bad sleep plus bad mood equals poor sex. That is the equation, with or without trying to get the other partner aroused.

The best thing is to go to bed at the same time every day and to avoid watching the TV or listening to radio just before bedtime, as they stimulate your brain and will keep you awake. It is not advisable to eat heavily before going to bed at night or your digestive system will do an overtime work that will keep you awake for a longer time than necessary.

Ten … A good bath always. Everyone knows that a cold shower starts you off to a good sleep and even in the morning, for good sex from a perfect arousal technique. When couples are smelly and repulsive, it is actually the sticky sweat that produces such and the simple antidote is a good bath.

Eleven … It is advisable to dim the light when you are about to sleep because it will help put your eyes to rest and put your body on wind-down mode for a relax smother arousal and a better sex, hours after.

One of the best ways of arousing your spouse is when you put them in a position of wanting more like Oliver Twist, which means another form of a good arousal is when you both stay off sex for a while. It simply helps to create freshness and sparkle in your relationship, both of you can decide to stay off sex for a period of time. Indeed, a ‘sex-fast’ could be helpful, in terms of preserving the warmth in the bedroom and affection. Besides, it will revitalise, restore and create a reconnecting sexual experience.

Twelve … One thing that is fundamental in life is the ability to know what to do at the right time and how to do it well. Most times, married couples find it difficult to combine their sex life with the normal challenges that an average spouse experiences every day. This does not only kill their sex life; it makes sex to become a thing of dread.

For instance, when a couple has reached child-bearing age, both the man and his wife often find it difficult to make out time to satisfy each other’s craving for sex. Sometimes their jobs stand in the way of their desires. The pressures of work could prevent them from knowing when, where and how to help their partners unwind sexually.

Some intending couples do not know that one of the ways they can get themselves aroused is to really know the right time to approach their spouse for sex. They think it is wise to jump into sex immediately they are in bed. Older couples sometimes make the mistake of assuming that the fun has gone out of their lives because of age and therefore, there can be no more exciting sexual encounters for them, so they stop looking forward to good arousals.

In some cases, inexperienced new-in-the-job married couples have messed up badly because they were simply ignorant of timing control and they knew very little about how to make good use of this beautiful gift called sex.

However, needless to say, sex is one of the most critical factors in marriage because it establishes a strong bond between couples that often yields unimaginable benefits. No matter how much they are overwhelmed by quarrels and misunderstanding, couples that are conscious of the importance of good-timed sex would always wax strong.

To a newlywed couple, sexual timing is very important. The man should understand that sexual intercourse might not be possible on the wedding night, especially if the woman had been very busy preparing for the wedding event. The truth is that most women derive sexual satisfaction, not from penetrative sex, nor orgasm; but from the lover’s gentleness, which establishes emotional connection to him. The deeper the emotional connection that a woman feels, the more likely that she would be very responsive to her man in bed. Such a woman would offer herself completely to her man and enjoy a full course experience that includes enthralling kissing, erotic cuddling, alluring sensual fore-play, tantalising, tempting seizures and intense sexual fulfilment. In the end, she feels better and more sensual than ever, will not worry about her looks because she knows that he is attracted to her and greatly desires her.

Understanding of good timing enables the lady in question to make provision for her husband’s gentleness in the days that follow. In addition, it enables her to skillfully and cleverly make herself available to him, to win his attention at all times, to validate his passion, desires, torment and the need to display his proficiency ability and prowess. These are the times she will sensibly give herself to him in total abandonment and be willing to sacrifice few minutes of her time to make sure the night of all night is worth all the investment.

Thirteen … For the busy couples that hardly spend time together because of their tight daily work schedules, application of good timing sense will help them recognise that sex may not necessarily be planned since there might not be an appropriate time or enough time. Such partners should indulge themselves with passionate sex at any given time. When breast-feeding or while trying to put a neonate baby to sleep, a little romance and foreplay may go hand in hand and before you know it, the baby dozes off and you are both rounding off a session of passionate, obsessive and exhilarating sex. Subsequently, both of you may end up sleeping off yourselves like newborn babies.

Fourteen … While helping each other in the morning to fix the tie and hook, a couple may not rule out the possibility of rounding off with a beautiful ‘standing ovation’ sex. It will not only keep them healthy and alert throughout the day, it will affect their interaction with other people positively, as well as raise their productivity to an appreciable level. Sometimes, in order to avoid going late to work, a couple may decide to have their morning shower together. This is a perfect place to have a quick three-minute sex. The beauty of it is that it is often done in a hurry, such that the memories linger longer than the amount of time invested in it. Few minutes of unanticipated sex in odd but secure places helps busy couples to be emotionally connected, loyal and happy.

Fifteen … Some married older couples see their partners as more of old-time siblings than sexual partners. Because of this attitude, both partners behave like old time friends instead of passionate bedmates. The appropriate thing is to proceed on frequent sexual vacations to places outside your home. It may not necessarily be an expensive vacation. Since such couples do not have dishes to wash, laundry to do or children to baby-sit, every other weekend vacation will be just perfect.

While on such vacation, both partners should recapture the good old days, watch romantic films together, put on provocative lingerie and alluring under-wear and once again seduce each other.

Older couples should make an effort to seduce each other, from time to time. Everybody falls for a perfect seduction. Do not undermine the power of seduction. It works wonders and cuts across age, race and colour, and always has tremendous impact on the seduced.

An additional rule of the game here is not how perfect your bodies are, but how well packaged. From observation, packaging has a transforming effect on the product and good clothing has a transforming effect on the on-looker.

Touching each other provocatively will stir up raw desire, open warmth, affection, fondness and a get-up-and-go energy for hot sexuality in your partner.

Sixteen … Some couples tend to lose interest in sex, particularly if their partners have been sick for a long time. Perfect timing, no doubt, gives such couples a break in both their personal health and sexuality. Do you know that sex is one of the recommended drugs for any ailment? The sensation derived from timely touches is believed to be medicinal. A baby in an incubator may likely die just because it is not touched. When you frequently touch a sick spouse in a passionate manner, the will to get well is instantly ignited, the ‘spot’ touched is revitalised as more blood flows to that particular area, the nerve endings in those particular areas receive strength for transformation.

A sensual and timely touch creates smiles on the face of a sick person and smiles help to produce the will power to live.

Questions and Answers

Maybe the sexual relationship had been abused. It is usually said that abuse is inevitable when purpose is not known. Something is definitely wrong somewhere. Do you engage in foreplay? This is simply the act of learning to touch and enjoy each other’s body. Sex is not the most important part in marriage. What matters is commitment and love. To enjoy sex, a careful groundwork is essential; preparation begins long before bedtime; sex starts by breakfast and not by bedtime.

Get enough privacy; if you are in a one-room apartment with six children, look for an avenue to enjoy private session with your wife. Lock the doors; a wife cannot enjoy sex if she is afraid that someone may walk into the room anytime. Build up your wife’s excitement before you enter her. Caressing should not be done in a hurry. Also, the way you treat the woman goes a long way to affect how she responds in bed. If you see her as only a sex object, she may likely revolt. Is she having the needed affection from you? Are you paying attention to her emotional needs? All these should not be taken for granted.

I do not get full erection

I am a 29-year-old married man and I never had sex until I got married last year. My problem is that whenever I want to have penetrative sex with my wife, I do not get full erection and invariably, if I start thrusting, the activity will not last more than a minute before I ejaculate. I have asked few of my friends and they even confirm that each time they wake up in the morning, they have full erection, which is not the case with me.

Hammed Bisiru Kogi State

There is the possibility of temporal impotency and premature ejaculation for a newly married man, just because he is new in the game. I am sure as times go on, the situation will rectify itself naturally. Just be calm and do not have it at the back of your mind that sex between you and your wife must be like that of experts. Let it come naturally and do not be desperate to perform. Just be yourself.

Snoring is ruining my marriage

Snoring when sleeping cost me my first marriage because my wife relocated to the guest room when she couldn‘t stand it anymore. This created a gap between us until the marriage technically broke down. It is threatening my second marriage.

My new wife has started to complain too. All known physical approaches have been employed, I have assumed different sleeping postures, all to no avail. What can I do?

Is there a medical solution? I read somewhere that there is a gadget that can be worn when sleeping that can help open the blocked wind pipe. How far is this correct and where can I buy it? Please enlighten me before the second marriage collapses. Regards to your family, especially your spouse for allowing you to be of help to people like me.

Alexander, Olabu

There are lots of devices available for such cases. You need to see a medical doctor who would assist you or you can go online and search for such.

I have genital warts

I read your articles sometimes ago on genital issues and how to care of them. You also mentioned some genital infections. When I read it, I discovered that the one extra flesh I see on my private part is what you referred to as genital warts. But you didn‘t say what causes it and how to cure it. Please I will like you to publish the cure or tell me what to do about it before it gets worse.

Please help me. I don‘t want any fungal disease on my private part.

Raymond K, Kaduna

You need to see the doctor as soon as possible. We do not really prescribe drugs in this column. But I am sure a good antibiotic will take good care of it. But as I said, you need to see the doctor to examine you and place you on appropriate prescription.

Please help pass this on, it will help someone out there

I just want to use this medium to address some partners in my category to borrow a leaf from me and do the right thing. That was why l wrote to you to please publish my experience for general consumption. My attitude before then was: “We can make love if the children are asleep, the house is clean, and we‘re both freshly showered and in bed in a tidy room, with the lights down low. Did you get your hair cut lately? Please go and shave; my skin is too tender for your beard.” Little did I know that the chance was slim for a man to meet all these conditions at the same time or at all times! Even if we were able to accomplish everything on my “must-do before sex” list, we were much more likely to drop wearily on the couch instead of passionately exploring each other‘s body in each other’s arms.

Something had to give. I couldn‘t keep up with all my requirements and have the energy for intimacy. I needed to simplify my life. I was too rigid for my husband.

When I started reading the articles, a thought occurred to me: what would my husband think if I suddenly let go and pursue lovemaking when things weren‘t perfect, when the dishes were left on the table?

This wasn’t going to be easy. I needed a role model. I chose sex and sexuality column. The column advocates pleasing one’s husband in every way possible. I wondered what the ladies my man frequently visited had that I didn‘t have. Then I realised it was the other way round. These ladies didn‘t have a house they could keep clean or a shopping list or tasks they must perform. They didn’t care a hoot about orderliness. Rather, they provided the passion and pleasure he needed. They inflamed his passion and set the stage for him to come again and again.

Was it possible I could expect less and get more? Less home chores, less complaint, more physical touch, more sparkles on my eyes towards his approaches? Less tasks and more romance? What woman in her right mind would do otherwise? But as an exhausted mother with young children, I wasn‘t in my right mind, so I needed to practise.

I started small. My initial thought was: ‘what if I let the dishes go until morning so we could get to bed earlier and allow a “standing ovation” type of sex to take place as advocated by the columnist?’ I realised that this, rather than having a clean kitchen always, makes him feel much better.

A clean kitchen would never make him feel better than spending the next hour with him, connecting to each other in a way designed by God? No amount of cleanliness would make a kitchen surpass that?

Then I took it a step further, getting used to walking past things that I could not pick up until a messy floor didn‘t bother me again, at least not as much as it used to. l started walking around the house with various ‘oh my God‘ night wears specially designed for him. My husband became really confused when each time he reached down to help me clean he heard me say, ”Honey, thank you, but l’d rather leave the floor that way than not having those sessions with you tonight.” The best part came when I read in one of the articles about oral sex, where the columnist quoted Song of Songs about the lover and the beloved stealing away to a beautiful garden. The lover describes his beloved as a precious myrrh just as she too portrays him as a delightful spice. Not once does he say, ”Your kitchen sparkles like the stars of heaven and is scented with the aroma of a thousand pines.” It is all about the beauty and desire they found in each other.

Reading that book made me realize that I rarely expressed the attraction I had for my husband‘s body. So I put it to practice one day, quoting Song of Songs 5:15, I blurted, ”Your legs are like pillars of marble, my honey!” He was pleasantly shocked and smiled like a little boy who had just received his dream power-bike toy.

To this day, I often tell my husband how attractive he is, specifically admiring the bright colour of his eyes, the strength of his legs, or the handsome turn of his smile. Now, when I start a sentence with ”Honey,” he gives me his full tender attention. There’s a much better chance that a compliment will follow and you can imagine the effect of such compliment.

We‘ve been married for seven years and I have adopted this method for more than a year now. And I‘ve continued pursuing moments in the garden. Sometimes it’s a simple “I‘m naked under these clothes,” which is always true but intriguing when said out loud. At other times, it is something special on his pillow (even if the bed is unmade) or clothing that’s slightly more feminine than what I usually wear.

It’s important that I take him as he is, without requirements. No shower, cologne, valentine flowers. Just him and his “out of Africa” manliness. His brute, organic, and earthy being. Of course, his visits to “disputable places” stopped.

There will always be pressures that sap my energy and time. But I’ve learnt to embrace what is erotic and splendid for the union, putting housework on hold for a while and keeping fire work of sex aglow always.

Please do not print my name or e-mail address.

Copyright PUNCH. All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.