The
other night as I walked the short distance between my third court
mandated twelve step program of the day and my neighborhood gin mill,
a thought struck me. I looked down at the trembling hand about to push
open the door to ĎThe Black Pitt of Despairí (Which Iíve always
thought was a terrible name for a bar, but they seem to do a steady
business) I said to myself: ĎOne Day at a Time, Max. Easy Does Ití.

Simple words indeed. And yet, their very simpleocity belies their
depthitude. Those short, easy to recall phrases, no longer than your
average bumper sticker, may well have saved a life that night. After
drinking close to my weight in shots of variously flavored schnapps, I
had the barkeep call me a cab and walked home, thereby sparing the
innocent lives of the many people I would surely have killed had a
driven.

Now, the persnickety among you will argue that I have no car, which is
technically true, but hardly changes my point, which is this: Weighty
truths are often hard to explain and can require lots of words that I
donít have time for. In addition, when lubricated, which is usually, I
lose the thread of most sentences after the fifth word or so. Anything
with clauses is right out and can earn you a punch in the eye.

So, in times of trouble, I turn to the gentle yet mighty Aphorism. And
Iím in good company! From Jesus to Ben Franklin to Wino King Cletus,
the well turned, mercifully brief Aphorism has long held a special
place for those of us who find thinking very much about any specific
thing makes the head go all hurty. Here for your edification I present
a sampling of my favorites. Some are my own, some have been altered
just enough that I can now legally claim them as my intellectual
property. But all are both true, and written upon beautiful
backgrounds so you can print them out as mini posters and then tell
your parents you have no idea why they are out of expensive printer
ink again.