Mama Don't Let Your Boys Grow Up To Be Virgins

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H8Monga: This is the second post I had thought of the other day before I forgot about it. Well it hit me today! Sorry, I didn't know exactly where to put this.

As you may or may not know, I'm a 24 year old virgin black male. My workplace is super sexually charged and thanks to questions when I first started there I revealed I'm a virgin and a proud one at that. One of the guys who was there then couldn't believe it and asked me more questions which I answered. This guy commented that if his son wasn't having sex by my age then he'd suspect he's gay or something's wrong. Along with that, he told me about a 20 year old thug he knows who has women throwing themselves at him and he refuses. He said he couldn't understand his friend and could only say the guy is either gay or small and doesn't want to share. I stayed quiet on the last part of that. I tried to argue my side, that sex isn't everything and some people have more self-respect than to go have sex for sex's sake out and about and would rather wait for the right one and right time. He remained baffled by me until he left.

His replacement also asked me questions to get to know me and again I admitted what I am. Again, he was taken aback and promised to take me to a strip club to which I rejected. He also echoed what the other guy said amazingly it was almost the exact same words. He left not long after that.

Again, I was told something was wrong with me or any male who doesn't have sex after a certain age, this time by a supervisor who told me I reminded him of his deceased son. He told me that his son was 17 when he died and that he had tried to bring girls to his son but he didn't have sex with them. This worried him and I think he's saddened that his son died a virgin. The man said he didn't want that for me to which i replied I didn't care if I died a virgin, it doesn't bother me.

Lastly, the other week one of the female co-workers who has 4 children found out kind of late about my virginity. She was totally shocked and asked me if I wanted to do it with her, which disgusted me... no offence to any women over 25, but I told her she was old... after all she's nearly my mother's age. She told me age is nothing but a number, ask the 28 year old co-worker we knew slept with her. I'm not him and I won't throw away my values for her. I refuse to settle and stop seeking what I have pictured for myself for so many years... it's all or nothing for me. She told me that her sons better have sex when they're older or else something's wrong with them if they don't. Once again, I hear something's wrong with the man who waits.

I told this to a friend of mine who is a year older and is also a virgin waiting for the right woman. He said his co-workers made fun of him too but he reminded them that when their daughters date a guy, they would want a man like him as opposed to the dog. He says that gets them to thinking.

All of those who thought negatively about male virginity were black. Is this a black culture or Western cultural belief that males have to start having sex early and have it for the sake of having sex? What is it that is so incredibly wrong about a male, particularly a black one, keeping his virginity?

Ok this thread has strayed from what I originially thought a few days ago, sorry, I'm sure the topic for the above questions are on the board somewhere; however, I wanted to ask what women thought about male virginity(I had decided to put this topic in the Women's category but only one woman has made such a comment to me about male virginity). It surprised me that this female co-worker said basically the same thing the male ones had said regarding males and their male children and sex. Is this a common thought among women as well as men?

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Tender: well its certainly not a common thought to me.
i think more people would be happier if they waited until they were married.
sex can cause alot of emotional upsets, and can send a relationship south pretty quickly when the conditions are not what they should be.
it may seem society's way as you describe,
but one day when you are with the right girl, you WILL be glad you waited.
seems as though sex is generally cheapened nowadays, and that is fairly sad.

overall, yes it seems that alot of folks think if you are a virgin there is something wrong with you ect,
that is too bad, because it is so not true.
what gets me is, its ok for ladies to be virgins, but not guys? to me there is no difference.

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gigantikok: [quote author=Hapi Papi link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=0#0 date=10/23/03 at 22:23:27]I told this to a friend of mine who is a year older and is also a virgin waiting for the right woman. He said his co-workers made fun of him too but he reminded them that when their daughters date a guy, they would want a man like him as opposed to the dog. He says that gets them to thinking [/quote]
Can someone say double standards? It what our society was built upon!

No use in arguing or contemplating why we do it, many people have lost hours of their lives and massive amounts of energy bitching about it. It's just the way we are.

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prepstudinsc: Hapi-
There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. The fact that you will stay true to your values is quite honorable. Don't let that handful of people sway you from what you know is right. I wish that I had waited and not had sex, but I was a horny 19 year old when I did it for the first time. I've got friends who will screw everything that moves, but I prefer to be a little more selective and cautious. It really is best to wait until you get married, so I applaud you and your convictions.

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wvalady1968: Papi, stand by your values! You won't regret it. Don't give in to peer pressure or go with the least common denominator. Basically, don't have sex for the wrong reason. It won't be a good experience.

And, yes, to me, male virginity is very sexy. And, when you meet that special lady, she will be very happy that you waited for her.

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It seems to be a Western cultural belief, at least since the sexual revolution. There's also the stereotype going around that black men are promiscuous (which could be its own thread).

But for reference, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin. In the age of AIDS, sex can become a game of Russian roulette. (The odds of a particular woman having HIV are less than one in a thousand, but that one chamber...) Some women find a virgin sexy.

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I ,being an "old lady" who is still waiting, am very glad to hear that there is an upswing of X and Y generation members who are standing tall and taking a stand against the tide. I have also often wondered why so much reverse discrimination is prevalent. From what I am being told and not told but observe "Misery likes company". So often people do not like it when some one is different. Though it has eventually caused some guys to move on, most if not thrilled have respected my decision to wait. Hang in there.Aren't you glad that you seem to have such support on the board? What great group!

Inquiring mind

P.S. Age ain't nothin' but a number! But some numbers are more equal that others...

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H8Monga: Yes, thanks for the support. Misery does love company especially those who have loved and lost and lost more than they wanted over and over. I guess that explains why these people have also told me "more power to ya." The first one said he supported what I told him yet still kept asking me stuff which made it sound like he didn't really.

I was just caught off guard by the woman. Maybe she bought into the culture. I just wonder how many other women have an infected mind of "supposed to bes". Do women actually want their children to have sex by a certain age? I find that disturbing they'd think of their sex lives.

Inquiringmind, you're as rare as I am. I also wonder if many pretend not to be virgins just to fit in? Maybe that is also a trend.

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I think there are unfortunately a number of young mem and women who have fallen prey to older "concerned adults" who want to "help" them along. How dare she come on to you like that! I think that there are so many individuals these days who's personal borders have been compromised that they have no clue what is over the edge or not. It is unfortunate that the media in its usual over hyping of things leads many susceptibe young and not so young men and women to feel they are missing out on some thing if they are not "Gettting busy" 24 /7.Though our levels of sexual desire, need or activity may vary, as you are seeing from the comments of some very grounded individuals on this board, the only people who make love all (24/7) the time are either liars or in need of a dose of anti psychotic drugs, therapy, reality or a bit of all of the above....

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gigantikok: Speaking of double standards, if that older woman had been an older man coming onto a younger woman who was a virgin in the workplace, all HELL would have broken loose. S-e-x-u-a-l harassment. But hey, it's ok for women to come onto men in the workplace, not that it happens much, but when it does, nope. THAT isn't sexual harassment at allll.

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Tender: i agree there. double standard indeed...
although,
it seems to me that women are more apt to take things as sexual harassment than men?
in other words, men dont take offense as easily as women do. or maybe they take funnin' less seriously and are lighter in general about it. whereas women seem to take things the wrong way too fast and blow it up so to speak...

am i wrong here??

tell a guy he looks nice today--and hes doesnt see that at all as a problem..., but tell that to a woman-- be ready to duck...

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H8Monga: Sexual harrassment came across my mind, but then again, this place is full of it in both ways, but it gets shrugged off.. maybe it's not that professional of a workplace. That woman's friend who is one of my supervisors, upon finding out my status with the others that first time, kidded, "I'll take you in the bathroom and show you what it feel like." I told my mother about that and she was offended. This happened my second or third day there before I got the swing of things. They shocked me how blatant they were about sex towards each other. In any other setting, there'd be law suits flying all over the place.

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[quote author=gigantikok link=board=meetgreet;num=1066973547;start=0#14 date=10/26/03 at 02:44:03]Jesus, Hapi, how do you have all these women throwing themselves at you?! Maybe I should lie and say I am a virgin![/quote]

You wouldn't be the first one, gigs!

A guy in one of my dorms in college used to pick up girls from the visiting schools at football and basketball games and pretend to be virginal. It must have worked - he was still doing it in his junior year when I left.

The dorm called him Virgo, the serial virgin.

Pecker

(Yes, I'm a virgin. Oh that half-empty box of condoms on the night stand? It...erm... belongs to my roomie. I swear!)

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H8Monga: Haha it's only been just two nearly 40 year old single women with children. So not my type! Now if they were around my age, I'd probably enjoy it. The male supervisor I talked about above at one point doubted I was a virgin and told me he used to say he was a virgin and it got him several women. I was offended by that and it's just wrong.

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ORCABOMBER: Sheesh Happi, really rub it in that we're only 3 years apart in age difference! ;D

Still, I know what you mean, to some extent, during A levels (the school for 16-18 yr olds), there was that sort of pressure, and I suppose there is at uni, altough I think that's just me being horny more than anything.

I think JonB put it that "People of colour" are expected to be more promiscous, I never really thought of that. Still gets me thinking as well.

I have to admit though, while I don't mind older women, that woman at work was disgusting! Talk about a worn bicycle!

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HC: I remained a virgin until age 21 (I'm 23 now, still standing at 1 partner) and had come across many different reactions to this fact when it was brought to light. I usually kept it hidden as best I could, but I'm not a liar, so I would tell the truth when somebody asked about past experiences. It's amazing how so many people will blatantly ask about your sex life; isn't it supposed to be private? Due to those reactions that I received, it made me uncomfortable and I was often made the subject of fun, even though I suspected most of those guys were exaggerating on their own sexual exploits. But it wasn't only the guys all the time, either. Even the girls seemed surprised that I was a virgin, and turned it into somewhat of a laughing matter. I felt like a loser, and in some ways, still do.

I'm an average-looking guy with a bright mind and caring personality, so it's not that I couldn't get the action, but I'm very socially shy by nature. I've never been rejected, because I've never asked anybody out. The girls I have dated have either been as a result of mutual agreements after a period of friendship, or her pursuit of me. I don't have anything against sex, but I'm also quite picky. I won't screw anything with just a hole and a heartbeat, so this has also led to limited experiences. I know it could have been easy, but due to those standards and my reserved ways, there's no way I could have just gone to a club, picked a random girl in a tube top and thong, talked to her and lost the virginity.

As for those times when I was mocked, my earliest memory was when I was about 15. I met some girl and she asked if I was a virgin, then proceeded to laugh when I confirmed. Hell, at 15, all I cared about were listening to music and playing chess, video games, and sports. Who am I kidding? It's still the same way! Anyway, this caused shock, disgust, and dismay, and I never spoke to the slut again.

The next significant moment would have been at 18, when a friend of mine found out about my virginity and spread the news around. This caused a chain reaction of mocking. It was especially tough because we were both involved in the pro wrestling business, so it got around the locker rooms. While it mostly led to friendly ribbing, it was rather annoying. But I do have to admit the humor in the fact that another group of friends began calling me "horsecock" after discussions of size, so that name was being spread around at the same time as the virgin stuff.

The latest incident was more recent, so I wasn't a virgin when it happened, and there was no mocking involved, but it's still noteworthy. A group of girls I met had asked how many girls I've had sex with, and I told them just one, which came as a bit of shock to them. They expected many more, so I'm not sure if that was a compliment or what? I guess at my age, it's expected to not only have sex, but with several different partners. Sorry, but I'll stick to remaining disease-free, and wait to find the right kinds of females before "slipping them the sausage."

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ORCABOMBER: Hey Inferno, congrats man, bet you showed your love the time of her life. I can feel a lot of your pain when it comes to those experiences, especially when you were 15, I was a "strong developer", I mean, like it showed I was going through it, I think at 15 I had a beard! Can you even imagine the cussing?