Thursday, August 28, 2014

1. Either sad or happy
2. Mouth feels empty inside
3. Peer pressure
4. Looks so good, would be crime not to
5. Health food makes you sick
6. Diet looking the other way
7. Support the economy
8. Only one will fit at a time
9. No more Nutty Cow in house

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Truth or Dare?
1. You have an arch nemesis
2. People dye hair blue to match skin
3. Your life has a soundtrack
4. What doesn't kill you gives you XP
5. If you work really hard, one day you might be king/queen
6. You only sleep during routine server maintenance
7. Good always triumphs over evil
8. On quest to find magical elixir of eternal youth (Nutty Cow)

Scoring: 3 pats on back for every Truth, hot poker in eye for every false positive

Monday, August 25, 2014

1. Taxes on taxes
2. Questioning reality halted by 5th Amendment
3. X-Files reclassified as documentary
4. Conspiracy theories validated in double blind randomized study
5. Pledge of allegiance replaced with "Resistance is futile"
6. Hunger games no longer fun
7. Freedoms eviscerated in cynical defense of freedom
8. The Man named Person of the Year
9. Everyone yearning for the dystopian past
10. Golden Age of Television coinciding with record inequality
11. Census asking about brand preferences
12. Selective Service getting uppity
13. Secret government meetings held behind closed doors
14. Truths no longer held to be self-evident
15. Nutty Cow hoarded in bunkers across the land

Saturday, August 23, 2014

1. Couldn't get admitted anywhere else
2. Afraid good weather could lead to bad grades
3. Just looking for an excuse to say "park my car in Harvard yard"
4. VCs want to know you dropped out of a good school
5. Lost faith in Yale football team
6. All the cool kids are doing it
7. Guaranteed to graduate as long as you pay on time
8. Chance to mingle with the 1% for first, last time
9. Diploma will say "Harvard"
10. Will never have to work for Nutty Cow

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

1. Web traffic up; fatalities down
2. Consumers can recall brand after 30 wrong guesses
3. Angry mob outside not holding pitchforks
4. It’s in the FAQ
5. You’re on so many social networks you’ve forgotten all the passwords
6. Social media expert demands a raise
7. Break into top 300,000 website list
8. Hardly cheating at popularity contest
9. No longer despicable in approval matrix
10. Fads you like are trending
11. Now second to last to know
12. Office mates reading check-ins to time stealing your Nutty Cow

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

True or False?1. Don't recognize names on monogrammed towels2. You would stop and ask for directions, but you don't speak fish3. Still digging and haven't reached China4. Even the mirages are dead ends5. Objects in mirror closer than they appear, but Planet Earth is only a tiny speck6. Minotaur doesn't know either7. GPS is panicking8. Kids stopped asking "Are we there yet?" days ago9. Dungeon master swears to never let you play again10. You've passed the same bridge so many times, Grumpy Old Troll has run out of riddles11. You're not on your way to or from buying Nutty Cow

Scoring: 5 points for every True, 10 points for every lie. Divide by 42. If answer is greater than 0, you are lost.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

1. N+1 kicks to the groin2. A lifetime of regret3. Bad hair day4. Getting beheaded with a toothpick5. Falling in love with your kidnapper6. Winning the lottery before your eighteenth birthday7. The rain8. Despite all your rage still just being a rat in a cage9. Layovers10. Whose groin is it anyway?11. Binge watching your life pass before your very eyes12. An arrow shot true into the weak spot of your scaly hide
13. Being the last of your friends to try Nutty Cow

Saturday, August 16, 2014

1. Friends all anonymous
2. Know when to stop but forgot how to start
3. Interventions scheduled for Tuesdays
4. Recognize your front door while watching COPS live
5. Your dignity has asked for a divorce
6. Cats vote you out of the house
7. Hoarding causes sinkhole
8. Built castle with empty Nutty Cow containers

Thursday, August 14, 2014

1. You feel sicker than usual in the morning2. It was foretold in the prophecy3. Paparazzi following you to OBGYN appointments4. Clothes getting tighter and you've run out of other excuses5. In-laws suddenly interested in your health6. You're on maternity leave7. You get punched by a tiny fist in the middle of the night8. Body feels like it's inhabited by an alien9. Current heir to the throne plotting your demise10. Your lust for human flesh is replaced with a craving for pickles11. Feeling lots of side effects but don't remember taking any drugs12. Dreaming of baby names that rhyme with Nutty Cow

Monday, August 11, 2014

1. You feel worms crawling inside your skull
2. You have wings
3. You can't remember the last time you had an in-body experience
4. Your house is only haunted whenever you're in it
5. Your dating preferences have changed so now you only see dead people
6. Your gravestone says so
7. All your organs are inside other people
8. You're no longer being asked to pay taxes
9. Certain foods used to go right through you; now they all do
10. You've argued with Dante about the inaccuracies in his book
11. The only time people don't run away from you is Halloween
12. You've achieved 100% weight loss
13. You're cursed to wander the earth without eating Nutty Cow