Theology vs reality

I saw today that God is still in the blessing business. While I always know this to be true, it is always an encouragement to witness his goodness 1st hand. I got to visit with a family close to me who’s been blessed with beautiful new home, it’s fully furnished. Their blessings are palpable. I’m blessed to be able to witness the favor of God.

WHAT DID I ENJOY TODAY?

I enjoyed brunch with Angie and Tanisha, 2 ladies from my hometown. It was great to break bread and fellowship. My staycation ended today. Believe it or not, I enjoyed coming home and cleaning up. I pick up Zari in the morning.

HOW DO I FEEL EMOTIONALLY?

Today was an emotional day, but it was probably building from the recent past days. I would say I am about 50%. I had an hour and 40 minute drive to make, so I listened to Bishop T.D. Jakes podcast. I heard a couple of episodes. One was “When Anxiety Attacks.” The other was “Check You To Bless You.” They both broke me down to tears. Check you to bless you spoke of when difficult seasons come in life. Bishop Jakes spoke of when his Mom died. While he was hurting and grieving he still has to Pastor; continue bringing the word and all his other duties while broke. He spoke of when theology and reality don’t match. He couldn’t understand how he could pray and have faith, but his Mom still died. I feel the same way. I can’t understand how I can ask God to bless me with a child from my own womb and he not do it. I have believed, had faith, professed God, been a witness and he has not done it. His word says if we delight in him, he gives us the desires of our heart. Bishop Jakes went on to talk about how while he didn’t understand why God would allow his mom to die, he still trusted him to work it out for his good. While it has been tremendously difficult and not without tears, anger and disappointment, I have yielded that over to God’s will. I don’t necessarily want a child anymore because I can’t see birthing a baby at this age AND I don’t have any prospects for marriage. Bishop Jakes spoke of God giving you the things you wanted, after you have turned it over to his will. We shall see what the future holds, but all I want is to know the assignment God has for me.

HOW DO I FEEL PHYSICALLY?

I feel pretty good today. I ate too much at brunch and was in a food coma for a couple hours after that 😐, but I eventually recovered. Food comas are not of God, at all.

HOW DID I WORK ON MY MONEY GOALS?

I ate out for brunch, but I had leftovers for dinner. Overall, I didn’t spend a ton of money which is a good thing.

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Meet Meredith

Meredith is a 40-something healthcare professional and entrepreneur on a journey of re-discovery. This personal blog is where I journal, share some of the ups and downs of dating & relating, entrepreneurship, work, health and wellness, and life in general. One of the things I've picked up along this re-discovery journey is a love for crafting, bespoke items and all things handmade. You can find her line of bath and body essentials at