Monday, September 6, 2010

What a life!!! Roller coaster ride, ups and downs, fears, doubts, angers, happiness, sickness, wars, gossip... whoo all that stuff that can throw you off.

I have been on a roller coaster ride since coming back from California. Missing family balancing with my new life here in Australia, feeling out of place.

Then one day I woke up, feeling grateful, however with a different swing I had to wake myself up from my emotional sleep for I was numb with all the conflicting emotions that had poored around me, that had consumned me.

I looked outside and saw my beautiful lemon tree, and my meditation garden, looked at the blue sky with fluffy clouds, heard the birds cooing (those beautiful doves that keep making a nest in the flower baskets, they are so funny choosing designer nest in the baskets we have hanging with artificial flowers) watched birds in the bird bath on the pateo splashing as the other bird shook its feathers, all feeling thier special type of gratitude.

I watched and realized AGAIN how blessed I am, I have eyes to see all this beauty. I have ears to hear and a heart to feel. I am healthy and I live in a beautiful home in beautiful Queensland.

I woke up from my sleep that had me like a zombie or rather auto pilot where I was not feeling fully myself. When I woke up I realized I was not fully present in Love, I was existing.

Wow How could I just exist... I am living a magical life!!! Yet I started to see the lack, and as all of us do sometime, started the "what if " song, I started to see the missing rather than the gifts.

Waking up I decided to see all my pluses and be in gratitude in my every moment NOW. What a difference!!!

Being grateful for everything starting with the smallest wonder to the greatest.

So I broke the hypnosis of lack of feeling ... auto pilot... just existing... and I am NOW alive in the NOW and CELEBRATING MY EVERY MOMENT NOW!!!

I have learned from this event, I have taken responsibility for my thoughts that lead to the actions which lead to my negative feelings... I was not seeing with the eyes of love nor was I feeling ... I had allowed my being homesick to interfer with the discovery and the gift of my new home. I had blocked many gifts without realizing it.

I am very Grateful that I made the choice to wake up and take responsibility

I am Grateful for everything

And if I keep making choices to be in gratitude and love in all I do, I will never sleep walk again... this is what I choose.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

So to all of you that think I walk in a cloud I have you to know that I am in constant choosing :-Dwhich meansLife brings with it many gifts which sometimes looks like curses, which are when the button is pushed without your expectations.Myself I had some recent events that sent me in to days, I mean days of anger.I could not shake it.I looked at it, analized it, did all the right things that I knew to do, but could not shake it, it was like I stepped in a bear trap and it was latched and I did not know how to get out of it.So in my process and knowing I lived on the principal of my understanding of love, that this is definitely not the way to be... to be in the moment of love is where I am to be...not in the moment of anger!!! No Way.So without knowing how to shake it, i surrendered to it, and meditated on Love, breathing Love in and breathing Love out nothing more.While washing dishes and being aware of my thoughts, yes being aware is very important, I saw where my thoughts were taking me and that was rambling into more anger, each point going to the next. What I did at this awareness realizing that I really needed help in this, I really just said I LET GO OF THIS, AND I LET GOD, I CHOOSE TO BE WHO I AM, I CHOOSE TO BE LOVE, TO ACT IN LOVE TO BE LOVE TOWARDS EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY TO MYSELF, I CANNOT BE LOVE IF I AM CARRYING ANGER, ANGER IS THE DESTROYER, I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO BE IN MY BODY OR LIFE... SO I LET GO AND LET GOD HELP ME TO BE ME, I CHOOSE ME, I CHOOSE LOVE... took a deep breath and started acting ...yes for just releasing did give me the power to act/be in Love... AND i felt love coming into me, it was wonderfuland as the day went on and my husband came home, and he was the primary focus of my anger, when the anger tried to show its face to me again, i took a deep breath, and chose loving action, saying i will not allow this anger to destroy me... and the simple act of choosing love, really lightened me up, soon i forgot what it was I was angry over.Later, because I had let go of it, I actually was able to see what it was I really was angry about, and also talk about it, in a loving way, to my husband. It was wonderful truly wonderful the FREEING experience and the feeling all over my body of the release of this Anger, and the Joy and happiness that filled me and our relationship because of LETTING GO, AND CHOOSING LOVE.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

It was our Sunday. We went to Victoria Point to do some shopping. I passed this wonderful store, I love international stores with all its beauty. I left Des outside the store just to go inside and check on the Large pillow that caught my eye. (Bait) once I entered I heard this wonderful French music and began to sway with it, yes i am known to literally dance around a store, this is true ask my kids :-D

Well as I listened to the music, my eye caught a woman doing as I was Glowing and moving to the music.

I told her Ah Paris!!! and told her looks like you are getting ready to travel, she then told me that she was going when her grandchildren grew up, I asked her where she wanted to travel, she then said a few places that i did not feel her heart they were just places, then i said whats wrong with traveling now, letting someone love your grandchildren and you go enjoy yourself, she SMILED AND SAID YOU JUST GAVE ME GOOSE BUMPS... i smiled because that is not unusual for me this response, i usually have a gift to give someone, and i knew her goose bumps were her confirmation that this was the right guidance and her eyes lit up, SHE KNEW IT

then I told her i guess you are ready for Paris and she LIT UP LIKE A BULB AND SAID YES I AM... and then she told me as she went... that she felt her heart get real warm and spread all over ... she said this with a great smile.

We laughed a while longer and I left her even more joyful than when I came preparing to take a wonderful well deserved trip to PARIS!!!! not waiting for the original plan of 6 years when her grandchild was old enough for her to leave.

We left the mall to go visit our 88 year old friend, Rudy a real heart someone who has experienced so much in his life and shares it and keeps on giving. I mean he has written 5 book, and translated 3 books as far as I know, From German to English.

We met him about a month ago and he has been a real blessing to Des and myself.

For Des because his father died, WOW, come to think of it, a year ago of the day we met Rudy. Rudy actually has a parallel life to Des's father, both were young men when Hitler was in power, both from Saxon (near what was East Berlin), Des always wanted to ask his father what it was like but his father never talked about it, Rudy not only talked about it, he wrote books on it.

This man is so spiritual and being born during an age and in a country that went to war with a mad man in power. He shares all his stories of what it was like being a young man in the trenches of the Russian Front, then being captured and being in Russia for 20 years in prison.

Well we have experienced nothing but love from this man, and he has no family so we have loved loving him. SO ALERT, SO KNOWLEDGABLE ...

This visit i kept noticing his feet and legs swollen and purple on some parts, my inner guidance told me to do a healing on him, I asked him permission and was blessed to sit and heal him, watching his feet go from purple to pink from cold to warm, watching the swelling go to half, and hearing him say he could feel the healing energy flowing through him,

He told me that his feet had been swollen since the war, he was so happy and so were we.

Des joined in on the healing and he worked on his heart area, it was wonderful the 3 of us all there in love and you could feel the angels, it was wonderful.

I was happy that we had this gifted to us, that we were gifted with healing him and gifted with meeting the lady in the store, I literally felt and experienced what it feels likeTO BE IN THE PURE MOMENT OF LOVEwe were beingand in that being we were WALKING LOVE BEING INSTRUMENTS OF LOVE...I AM GRATEFULspeaking of Choices... i could have chosen not to listen to that small voice that guided me to do the healing, i could have not listen to my heart and love unconditional when we first met, i could have chosen to judge him because of the past...no i saw him and loved who he is right now, and I knew and felt the presence of LOVE as we worked with him...CHOICES TO LOVEYES

Sometimes the best thing to do when I do not feel balanced is to do nothing.

To just be in what is to allow myself to feel what is going on.

That is where I am right now. I know I am so excited about seeing family that my emotions are out of WACK!!! so i sit here to write, to clear my mind and heart

It has been a long time since I have seen my family or my country of birth. Wow 2 years. 2 years away from my family, my children, my extended family who are my family as well. Those who life has given me to fill the empty spaces of a childhood and youth that had not love.

I was blessed SO BLESSED that I was given my extended family. Who were with me from the moment I ran away from that place that was my home in the darkness of anger, misery, violence....

Away in the night i fled, away to a wonderful journey.

Guided and doors opened for my adventure.

So this door that is opening to my new adventure living in a home, my new home, that i will tell the truth has taken me 2 years to adjust to.

Now i prepare to go to visit :-D how strange, to visit and be a tourist because you know how much things change in 2 years to re introduce myself, to everyone and everything.

To taste the taste so missed, to sit down in a cafe and be served one cup after another of HOT coffee, to laugh, to talk, to just look on the smiling faces of my loved ones so missed. Yes would you believe DENNY'S I hope it still exist, or NORMS ah the memories. sitting down at all hours in the table in the back, yack yack yack ...laugh laugh laugh, and the smiling waitress bringing coffee, maybe bad coffee but it is hot and served with a smile... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My luggage being packed, 3 times already, and repacked for sure more and more, bringing the gifts bought in Thailand, Cambodia, Bali, and of course here in beautiful Australia.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO let us not forget the BOOKS, AND TAPES...YES!!!

Ah i feel better now that i have written NOW I SEE what was bothering me... OVERWHELMED WITH FEELINGS that I shut down for amoment... NOW I AM BACK

I SMILE...

BREATH DEEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHLOVE

I AM PREPARING TO SHARE MORE LOVE

AND THE GIFT OF THAT....

IS MORE

MORE LIFEJOYHAPPINESSDANCINGLAUGHTERLIFELIFEFEELING TOUCHING BEING IN LOVE... YESSSSSSSSSLOVE TO YOU WHO READS THIS...THANK YOU

Friday, May 21, 2010

Life is PreciousIn the moment NOW of LifeLet Love be what we seek and doFind the joy in your heart and live it... life is so precious to waste it by not honoring who you are and what you came to do. If you are not feeling strength Passion ... feeling ALIVE... then you are walking AUTOMATIC PILOT.WAKE UPCLAIM LIFECLAIM YOUR PASSIONFEEL ...MOVE WITH THAT FEELING...I fell asleep for a moment in time... I found myself sleep walkingI AM AWAKE IN MY NOWand I know how much more ...yes i know more than ever how precious life is and I choose to live it fully... withLOVE JOY AND HAPPINESS...BREATHING FEELING AND EXPRESSINGYES!!!!SO GLAD I HAVE AWAKEN... NOW WATCH OUT YOU GUYS... WHO I WAS YESTERDAY IS NOTHING LIKE WHO I AM NOW!!!!

Dear One, do you see the power of the moment, flow with love at ALL times.

Yes, the past is the past merging into the Now becoming the Now, the future is the Now.

Let go of the past, , the Now is the True Healer, the Now, the Rejuvenation, the Now heals all things for the Now is everything, all time is Now, healing the Now is healing all time, all issues, all this is an enormous reality, that is why we tell you to be in the Now, in pure Love,

Yes See what the moment brings thee, yet be in the Now and transpose that, see it, deal with it, release it and fill yourself with the Now Moment of LoveYes, Dear One, Yes True Healing occurs effortlessly, yes the truth of Love Divine is there right in the pure essence of the Now, the dwelling of past reopening wounds and digging in the wounds is old way of healing. Heals, yet never heals for the reopening continues into layers upon layers.

Dear One see the truth, yes cellular memories, does exist, yes it is a part of you, as past lives yet to heal all is to be in the moment in pure love, to look upon, to heal, not to run away.

Do not misunderstand, see heal, renew through transmission of memory in Now moment, into pure light.

Yes, release and be free, if the moment calls for tears do so, for cleansing, yet do not dig up the moment again and again on some issue. Know that issue bought up is to be seen and released, the issue bought up is major program to be seen, yet in major issue, all smaller issues that relate are healed instantly through all time.

See this, know this, all time Dear One, do you realize the magnitude of such, do you know the power of one pure moment, this is the mystery revealed, the necessity of going and digging layers reopens that which is healed and gives that said issue power over your being, continually recognize that you beings on that plane chose to re hash memories, re doprograms for there is comfort in emotions and known. One says they want to be healed, yet the releasing of old is missed, the new fearful and unknown. Where it shall lead? So One chooses to be in the past program of familiarity.

Release, Dear One and embrace the new, know that love is the gift, blissful love. , Do not be of those who chose program of pain, fear and limitations in the name of Love.

received 2/96I am learning to stay in the perfect moment and I observe that which happens to me -and my reaction to it -

I learned yesterday as I walked along the river how beautiful it is and how I almost missed it if I hadn't stopped and felt the moment ....

yes,

Dear God we are too busy passing all of your wonders, totally unaware of the subtle beauty around us, as we dwell on pains that are long gone yet linger in our cellular memories.

How do we clean it out?

By becoming aware that it's there, by replacing the pain with joyful cellular felt memories, by given power to the joy, rather than the pain. Yes, it has been a painful journey for all of us and life has it's battles built by us, the choice is to stop the creation of pain and accept the creation of Love and Light. Give Love and Light more power, rather than taking it for granted, be grateful for the smallest joy, elevate it to the highest honor and breath in the light of love, knowing all is well. As we create that, ignoring the painful choices of others and not giving it power, acknowledging their creation of such and honouring the value of love and giving Love to all, knowing that although not visible that somewhere in their being, that Love and Light is being created because of the flow of light being sent out by all Light Workers.

Know this dear One that you have hit on a very important subject and awareness, know the Light you have and all Light Workers even unaware is being spread cellular and atomically through every being and fiber of the planet. Not one effort through spreading of Love on the planet goes wasted, know that the issue and value of love is being accepted in many forms on the planet, know that the value of love is being honored and all are being participants upon the global healing of Mother Earth - ....for Now is the perfect order of time and all spontaneous action in Love leads to blissful existence in Love - Dwell not on sorrow and human desires that are not met in the moment. Be in the Joy of the moment which creates your perfect NOW to Blissful Existence learn what is put before thee yet do not judge Dear OneWe Salute TheeDear One,The Hierarchy of Love and Light

Live every moment to the Fullest ... the moment is all that you have ... this moment ... this breath .... are you living your passion ... or are you just existing saying tomorrow, tomorrow i will do this or that ... NOW IS THE ONLY GURANTEE ... live joy NOW ... MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT ... each moment is creating your future ...

AS PICARD (Captain Picard Star Tek Generations) WOULD SAY ...

"MAKE IT SO"

Be in Awareness , choose how you experience your precious Moment ...yes life may give you an ouch... you may take that moment to embrace the ouch, the lesson of that moment now, yet do not hold on to that ouch, release it and move on to the next experience as soon as you let it go, the sooner you experience the next moment... be it joy or continue to hang on to the pain... your choice... we only have this moment how are YOU going to use it.

LEAVING YOU WITH LOVEMariannaPSand you are probably asking am i doing as i preach… YOU BET I AM .... AND I AM HAPPIER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN ... sometimes I go into amnesia, however I quickly stub my toe and wake up and i am on track again .... those moments add up first it is an hour, then a day, then a week and so forth... i have to make a conscious choice....LOVING MY NOW :-)

This is from an email I wrote a friend, the message seemed so profound that I had to share..

You will see that the more you walk in love the more joy you will have in your life... I do not mean the love of us I mean the Love of your Self, Creation, Life, EVERYTHING ... the more you are grateful for just being , just hearing the birds sing in the morning , the fresh air that blows on your face, and able to BREATH, ABEL TO WALK, FEEL, TOUCH, grateful for your job, your home your life, ...loving and forgiving all especially starting from your self, never judge yourself or anyone... just realizing everyone is doing the best they can with what they know and understand at their moment... we are all different , we all have different experiences and thoughts... even our understanding and expression of love is different..we are all doing the best we can with what we know...and actually even the worse doing is doing it out of his misunderstanding of LOVE... the old concept of love was that of control... and many children were controlled til the true freedom o of love was pushed out of them, and they too control, then there is anger over this control, and fear... so know in this we forgive self, and those who controlled ... for as Jesus said forgive them THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO ... they really do not

So in order to be and allow life to exist and love what is ... we come to the understanding that what is and since we are also in the hands of the Divine what is also a plan ... a game ... the plan that we learn and live love...opportunities come for us to experience and learn this in our life times... ..even the negative... these which we dream as negative is challenges to open one up to Love and empowerment... once we learn this or any lesson that is put before us... we are free... the more you learn and live love the more the most positive experiences become Natural to one ... this is when Life begins to be that of Heaven on Earth so to speak and that Heaven is that which is the understanding of those who experience it ...for again all is in the experience and understanding of each individual ...for Heaven to one is not Heaven to another ... and so forth ...but the growth in Love continues....even there and they discover that the Heaven becomes MORE..

oops I must turn myself into my human self and get ready for work... as you can see some of my message opened the door for higher guidance ...my guides came in ... I LOVE IT...I AM SURE YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SEE WHEN THEY DID :-)

How wonderful our body is. Have you loved your body today? Have you said thank you to your body for being with you through thick and thin? Do you take your body for granted? If you have not no wonderer the body slows down, shows pain creates age. The body wants to celebrate and you are boring it to death..

Try this for a change, have a Joyful Celebration in the body, with the body. The body is not just cloth that is to be discarded, it is conscious, alive and only creates disease because the body it not being loved, honored and respected, the body is being used as a vehicle that one keeps to clean, to show. Most are keeping it healthy only to be able to use it on earthly journey. Expecting it to be discarded, no wonder the body shuts down and cries in pain.

The body is a universe, a conscious universe, that through boredom and neglect. Even if one feeds it the "right things" do the "right things" the body shuts down when it is not being loved cherished and honored. Point of reference, the runner who drops with a heart attack who has done all the "right things" and still drops, the person who eats all the right foods out of fear, and takes the right vitamins and still looks like they are unhealthy, although they speak the most flowing words of truth, they sometime look as if they are one foot in the grave. Why? The body is not being loved, and is not feeling joy, not being joyfully used, no wonder the body cries and it is shouting in pain and shutting down.

I know I know you are saying I am celebrating, I live on Maui, I have the most wonderful sunsets in the world, I have the most wonderful Ohana, I am celebrating.Yes Yes to all of that. However, if you are complaining, focusing on what is wrong, judging, everything and everyone, criticizing and constantly telling yourself things like i am in pain, I am tired, I use to be able to, and eating just to eat, If you are doing less, fearing more and you find that you are closing yourself in more, you are not celebrating life. When you wake up in the morning and hear the birds singing, taking that first breath in awareness, are your thoughts on gratitude? Do you wake up in pain? Did you touch that part of your body that cried for love and criticize it, or think i am in pain, or did you send love to that pain, did you touch that pain and tell your body you loved it.

This is my journey. When I was divorcing and lived alone in my studio. There was a time when I woke up in pain and felt so much pain all over my body. I then became aware of my body and realized she was complaining to me. I went into a meditation and I felt her love, I had an inner knowing that I had neglected her and had forgotten to live, had forgotten to rejoice and I made a promise to her that I would start living start rejoicing. I knew she was upset because I had stopped dancing, dancing is my greatest pleasure, my greatest joy and we(my body and I) had had many moments of great Joyful Celebration. From that moment on we began our journey of self love and celebration, slowly but surely for I had forgotten how to play. She constantly reminds me when i break my promise and we then begin to play. My every moment now becomes that of so much LIFE that sometimes I have to stand back in awe and wonder.

Heard a great speaker once and You know that Dewitt had so much to say that evening but for me the greatest was about life how effortless it is when you get into the force and trust , this to me was the story all along to trust yourself, know where you are going, see all things with the eye / heart of love, listen to guidance, trust that guidance and go one step farther, until you finally realize you are no longer flapping, you have learned that your heart will take you effortlessly to your destination, while others are flapping(struggling) you have found the way to soar ( riding the current miles effortlessly to your intended destination and not feel it next thing you know you are there)The symbolism of the current is to me the force or God or what ever Higher Power one believes in ... even if it is Self... the Higher vision and of course as we saw the birds in his illustration of these birds flying to Oahu from Molokai , were on a Higher plane , caught the current and the rest was a joy ride, so you let go, stop flapping and all is well.Like my recent event ... I let go ... let God... lived my moments in Love ... and the rest was taken care of....To ask oneself as he said "what are you celebrating" to choose how you see a thing ... building a Cathedral or breaking stones...your choice how you see what you are doing in your life, servant or lord of the manor.By living your Passion and opening yourself to be in the" place of Most potential.."To go beyond your boundaries, or limits set on you by self or society... the quote I liked "it's not trespassing to go beyond your own boundaries" I like that...so I am taking down my personal boundaries and moving on to the unknown of Love. Celebrating all the way.He was speaking of Michelangelo, he was asked once how did he decide to create David .."I saw an angel in the stone and I carved to set it free" to have that vision to see a thing and with passion and love bring it forth, continually finding the next right answer... keeping extraordinary vision in focus .... celebrating embracing Change...Change is possibilities and that is the times of most change is the most possibilities

To see it believe it and MAKE IT HAPPEN... quit flapping and ride your thermos" to where ever you are going it can be effortless...struggle isn't it... learn to soar the winds take you higher effortlessly to the next level....Know self, trust self, love self, be the best of who we are for the world, and yourself for if you are doing the best you can do, you do effect the world. Whatever is your passion just do it anyway and believe because we are all on that great journey of Life.Ride the wave of change totally conscious to watch others on the ride, do not carry, hold focus , live every moment of the journey...remember, not that it's the right answer to many but that it's the best contribution from Self.we want to sing our song... so do it for self first and the rest will followI hope that you are accomplishing your desired goals, I am, I have finally learned how to catch the wind, and I am soaring effortlessly. Love to you all.Marianna

Here I am getting ready to experience the next version of the Dream that is Reality.Here I am getting ready to go home, to "visit" how amazing is that. This girl who now calls Australia home for 2 years. Who now is going to visit family and be a "tourist" AH LIFE!!! JOYFUL CELEBRATION ...YES

I am so excited because of so many things that the words are too many to express.