1.’Like’

Maybe we’re all just afraid of releasing our inner selves into the world, but ‘like’ as a button doesn’t have anything to worry about from its competition yet.

Let’s take this illustrative example of a cup of tea which is getting the newsfeed buzzing.

(File picture because we don’t want our friends to hate us: Getty)

22 likes – but where is the love?

Come on. Yes, we’re British, but surely we can rouse ourselves to more of an emotional pitch. Try something new… Hit ‘wow’. Feel proud you asserted your true soul as a passionate creative.

2. ‘Sad’ :'(

Sometimes, clicking an emoji and going on your way is going to be blatantly inadequate so just… Don’t.

Sorry you got bladder cancer.

That’s your cue to actually go and see them – or at least write a message.

Save your :( for the truly sad things like ‘McDonalds: We have no plans to introduce an all day breakfast in Britain.’

:'(

3. Wow :0

Extensive investigations (refreshing Facebook when we should be doing something useful) suggest this will contend with ‘anger’ for the most popular new reaction.

It is useful in many circumstances as could plausibly imply either enthusiasm or disbelief.

You might have the ‘WOW’ factor for current affairs. ‘Upswing in contactless card payments’, perhaps.

Also apply ‘wow’ and ‘anger’ to statements like ‘Use a machine gun they wouldn’t want come then we can’t have anymore in our country soon there won’t be any British people here in our country’.

(Then delete and block.)

5. Love <3

Basically, Facebook has multiplied the amount of overthinking involved in a single click by six times so carefully examine the ratio of ‘likes’ to ‘loves’ on the post in question and use at your peril.

‘Jen has checked into Costa Coffee’ probably doesn’t warrant it.

But go ahead if you feel that way.

6. ‘Haha’

Well, you don’t need us to tell you when to laugh but it probably wouldn’t be appropriate on someone’s bathroom selfie.

7. Angry

Vaguebooky ‘I need to get screwed by something other than life‘ posts?

‘Ameena has cancelled her event’?

‘Eastenders viewers disgusted’ by Kim Fox joke about diabetes’?

Angry button was what the internet was made for.

Sure, you might get called an armchair activist but just *angry* the haters: use your social media platform for something meaningful. Like how much you hate the options for this year’s UK Eurovision entry.