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Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Adjust Your Thinking

Sometimes, when in that deep pit of despair, all you need to do is change the way you think about something. For example:

1. When you get a rejection, instead of thinking, "I suck. My book sucks. This s-u-c-k-s." you might try thinking, "Dude, this sucks, but you know what? S/He wasn't the agent for me."

2. When you get a critique back from a beta, instead of thinking, "Holy crap! They hate me, my book, my dog and the color orange!" you might try thinking, "This will make my book stronger. I'm glad I have people who are smarter than me helping me out."

3. When you see a picture of yourself and you notice that you look like death warmed over (see yesterday's post), instead of thinking, "Holy crap! How do I go out in public like that??" you might try thinking, "I am beautiful, in every single way."

Positive thoughts lead to more positive actions. (So says I.)

What do you think? Can you change your attitude about writing, querying, and/or your perceived level of self-worth simply by changing the way you think? And if so, what positive thoughts will replace those negative ones?

62 comments:

1) Just be careful not to tell yourself "that agent sucks", and if you do, don't blog about it. This can lead to awkward situations.

2) This is tough, but excellent advice. Try to remind yourself WHY you wanted a critique in the first place. Hopefully it was to make your writing the best it can possibly be. If you want smoke blown at you just give your MS to your mom.

3) Getting some sun from time to time and showering can help, otherwise throw some glitter on, pretend to be a vampire and just roll with it.

I completely agree, and am also completely guilty of thinking the worst. Good advice to writers and non-writers. I read somewhere once that it's not what people say that matters, it's how you react to it that makes it what it is.

This is such wonderful advice! It's very important to remember in a time of despair or frustration to try and turn that thinking into something positive! Great post Elana... always rockin' out over here!

LOL #2 is mine today. Got a few not-so-great feedbacks from Beta readers who think my MC is too selfish. UGH! So I woke up at 3am thinking I stink at this and will never be able to write a lovable character. Thanks for the cheers.

Great advice. I've been really trying to realize that about agents when I haven't won some contests I've entered. Sometimes I do fall into the negative thoughts. Just so we get back to the positive ones.

Attitude is everything. I try - hard some days - to keep a positive attitude. There are days when my patience is tested and I drop down into the depths of despair. Luckily, those days are far and few between.

Awesome post! I was feeling rather wretched myself yesterday (thanks for the supportive comment btw Elana:) and part of it had to do with fidgeting over my ms because I'd queried an agent I've heard great things about, but who made me nervous.

I'd read a comment she'd made about 'info dumping' in books and I immediately decided that I had info dumps in my ms, even though none of my readers have noticed anything of the sort. After querying, I worked on what I perceived as problems, convinced that I was doomed anyway because if I info dumped, obviously this agent wouldn't like my query either, so defeat was imminent. I mean OBVIOUSLY... and then I got a request for a partial yesterday afternoon...

Which doesn't mean that I'll land the agent. But I learned from her remarks, which weren't even directed at me, and I think that regardless, my ms is stronger for the changes I made.

You learn every moment of every day! Which is why I'm a highly optimistic realist... I think positively as much as possible and at the same time try to break whatever happened down so I can suck information out of it. It isn't easy, and there are definitely days when you struggle... but it's so WORTH IT!

Attitude and outlook are amazing things. I am a firm believer that positive energy attracts positive energy. Thus, the reverse is the same. I really don't want to continue attracting negative vibes. It's human nature to get down; just recognize it and shift to a more positive gear.

Attitude and outlook are amazing things. I am a firm believer that positive energy attracts positive energy. Thus, the reverse is the same. I really don't want to continue attracting negative vibes. It's human nature to get down; just recognize it and shift to a more positive gear.

Love this post. I'm definitely a big fan of positive thinking. And if it doesn't work, dancing around the room like an idiot never fails to put a smile on my face, no matter how many rejections I get :)

Thanks for the self-esteem pep talk this morning. And, yes, it's all about our own attitude. I have said all those things about myself, which is self-abuse. So, turn it around, look for the beauty in ourselves and our work and the day will suddenly be much brighter.

Fantastic advice, and if I wasn't so scattered over everything I have to do I would have more things to say but my attitude has taken a back seat to my "busy". I guess I could stop thinking cleaning my house to white glove standards doesn't suck...but I'm not sure how to make that positive. I'll work on it ;)

You can adjust your thinking. It takes work. But it can be done. (Something I'm working on right now with convincing myself that I'm not a hack and that revisions are worthwhile endeavors over starting a new project.)

You know what changed my mind? Adderall, lol. Before it, I couldn't concentrate enough to get through a novel, and I'd think, I HATE THIS! I SUCK. SO HARD! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO WRITE FICTION! And, while meds are CERTAINLY not the right choice for so many, perhaps it bears looking at the reasons underlying a currently negative mindset :D

So true! It's all a matter of perspective. If your attitude is open and receptive, the influences around you will only strengthen you. With a little bit of persistence and a positive outlook, you can survive any obstacle.

I did that with my first novel. The querying was killing and I was just so down and out. Finally, I yelled at myself, told myself and my husband my book would get published and pretty much forced myself to stay positive. My husband and I started a running joke that if I didn't get a rejection in a given week we'd have a bad weekend and if I got a Friday rejection, that was good luck! I guess it was!

I'm so freakin' proud of myself. First, it never occurred to me my books suck. How bizarre is that? Second, I've never thought my betas hate me. Why would they be undertaking the onerous task of reading my stuff if they were hating on me? They want to help, and words can't express how appreciative I am. And third, the pix? After I took up photography, I vowed never again to be one of those women (it's always women) who duck, cover or run every time they see a camera. I take much better pictures these days.

Yowza, not bad for a dyed-in-the-wool pessimist who lives just north of despair. Thanks Elana! Must. Go. Query.

Dude, how did you know I needed this? But it's hard isn't it? To change the way we think, just about one of the most challenging things in the world. My thoughts know where they want to go and I have to give them the worlds biggest butt kicking to get them to shine a little light on me and let me glitter sometimes.

1)I like to think that something must have distracted them from noticing my awesomeness or some temporary blindness/insanity/malaria gripped them at the very moment they read my query. This makes me feel better while wishing them a get well soon in my head.

2) No problems with this because my cp's are incredible and they love me, I love them, and we are a circle of love.

3) I like to tell myself I look artistic and tortured...a lot. Or I meant for my hair to look like that. Or maybe I am starting a new fashion trend...

my mom's favorite says is: "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." A lot of times it sounds hokey, but if you're not projecting an positive attitude, you can't expect positive things to happen to you.

Since my experience with rejection was more in the employment world, my focus was on "well, they probably did not read your stuff closely." I always have felt like that if I could get an interview, I would get an offer.

So my positive thoughts were "how can I improve my pitch, so that someone will notice me and read my submission closely?"

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