Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Year of The Rabbit In Review

It seems that 2011 has ended with some of the craziest celebrity news we have heard in a while. With 2012 trucking along with a bazillion new babies and divorces, we want to get together and remember some of the best news 2011 Hollywood had to offer. *Cue sad music and black and white award show "in memoriam" montage*

10. J-Lo's Comback, Divorce, and Re-bound Man- 2011 was really J-Lo's year...kind of? She made a pretty successful comeback with her radio hit "On The Floor" or "On Tha Flo" I am not sure which it is. I don't know if it's obvious, but we are not the most educated on hip lingo. SORRY. She also is a new judge on American Idol along with my one true love Steven Tyler (if you read our bios you will know who is writing this), and AI staple (this is a joke, he had his stomach stapled..wakka) Randy Jackson. Melisa feels strongly about this entire situation. "Ok, so Jenny's been around the block and her love is costing her a thing or two I am sure, but American Idol is showing the loveable side of J-Lo and I am standing by her. However, this re-bound dude has go to go!" THINK OF THE CHILDREN J-LO! I just decided my New Year's resolution is not to type J-Lo this much ever again.

9. Lindsay Lohan's Several Arrests and Court Hearings- This photo is one of the best finds the internet has ever offered me. 2011 was definitely not Lindsay's year. She was in and out of court for various reasons and I think she was given at least 3 different types of community service. The latest being time at a morgue...that she brought cookies to....formaldehyde chip anyone?

8. Jesse James and Kat Von D: The Trilogy- Engaged/split/engaged. Ok, I am about to take this blog from PG to PG-13 for a hot second. THESE freaking assholes. The minute I heard they got together in the first place I thought she was a moron. He first cheated and broke the heart of America's one and only sweetheart, and then it turns out Kat found out about the 19th girl he cheated on her with. NINETEEN. Someone has been watching too much 19 Kids and Counting. Nineteen is not a number to strive for in anything. Too many babies and too many whores.

7. The Royal Wedding- I will just quote Melisa on this one. "Thank you for adding some class to 2011, William and Kate". Amen.

6. Justin Bieber Daddy Scare- Can I just say Ellen looked fabulous this night? Just kidding. It's The Bieb, and bielbe me, this will be the one and only time he shows up on this blog. At the end of 2011, a crazy fan claimed he was the father of her baby. Babies having babies claming babies are the daddy. People are insane.
"They told me I was the daddy and I was like baby, baby, baby, noooooooooo!" Danielle not only has the voice of an angel, but she is super funny too.

5. Beyonce Pregnancy- I hate to inform you all, but 2011 won't be the only year we hear about the Beyonce/Jay-Z spawn of hip hop. The kid was born January 8th and you can't get away from hearing about her. Her reveal at the VMA's gave people the boo-hoo's and the yahoo's of happiness. I have a really hard time believing she was actually pregnant. CUT TO ALL OF THE EVIDENCE. Dead. Melisa was right, I don't think we were ready for that belly either.

4. Kim Kardashian: The Dream Wedding and Stunt Divorce- Christ on a cracker. These two. As a newlywed herself, Sarah had it completely right. "Congratulations on spending millions of dollars in order to cheapen something that is meant to be beautiful and sacred."

3. Arnold Schwarzenegger's Secret Love Child- Arnold's housekeeper claimed that he fathered her 14 year old son and it is all true. If this were an episode of Maury, after reading the results Arnold would have gone Terminator on everyone's asses and stormed off. That was not a tumah, and it's definitely not a secret anymore.

2. Ashton Kutcher: Cheated, Divorced, and Possible Daddy of January Jones' Baby- Oh busted! Demi and Ashton filed for divorce after news of him cheating with a 23 year old blondie in San Diego. Ruh ruh Raggy. To top it off, there are rumors that he could possibly be the secret dad of January Jones' little boy. No one knows who the father is, but after reading some of my Blind Item's I am almost convinced it is Ashton.

1. Charlie Sheen's Meltdown- 2011 was the year of the rabbit, but really, it was the year of the Sheen. Charlie Sheen properly lost his mind and shared every bit of it with the internet. Here is just some of it. He also had his own vlog for a while called Sheen's Korner. Maybe he need to stand in the "Korner" a little longer and think about what he's done. I actually hope 2012 turns around for this warlock because I just loved him in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Well, that's it for our review of 2011's best(?) celebrity news stories for the year. Cheers to 2012 and cheers to you!