Top 5: Worst Valentine’s Day Gifts

Top 5 gifts to avoid

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and so I’ve taken it upon myself to write a Top 5 List. However, this is a list of what not to get for your significant other.

Let’s do the ladies first.

Guys, if you have a lady in your life and want to impress her don’t buy her any of these items for VD.

5. “Idiot’s Guide to Wine”

Why would she need a guide when she already knows how to whine. (crash of the cymbals)

Seriously though, I understand the sentiment. You say “You’re starting to become interested in learning more about wine. Here’s a good book on the basics.” , She hears “you’re not bright and I want to get you drunk”. Not very romantic.

4. Lingerie.

This lands on this list if it’s the only gift you give her. If you give your lady clothes just so you can watch her take them off it’s not gonna fly. Buy something else to go with this or don’t bother.

3. Soap.

You Smell!!!

2. A framed autographed picture of Ted Danson.

You only make this mistake once.

1. Royal Rumble Tickets.

Seriously, I know you think your girlfriend actually likes wrestling but she’s a lying wench who is just trying to get close to you. Buy tickets to some lame play or musical and spend a night pretending to enjoy something you hate, she probably does it for you constantly you selfish shitty guy.

Now let’s to the men.

What to avoid buying your man on Valentine’s day.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1. Nothing. Really, buy him anything. Guy’s don’t care. Just hand him something that you paid some amount of money for from any store in the world. Or make it yourself. Or put on that lingerie.