Attending a destination wedding

We have been invited to attend a close friend’s destination wedding at an all-inclusive. When I spoke with the couple, they said there wasn’t going to be a reception, just that all the guests would go to dinner at one of the restaurants since food is included at an all-inclusive. Is this how it normally is for a destination wedding? I thought that the couple at least has to provide guests with some sort of meal since everyone is traveling a long distance.

I know we always have the option of not going but it is a close friend so I think we would like to attend. Is this how destination weddings are?

@Pupperoni: We did a tiny DW (only 4 guests that were also our legal witnesses) and didn’t have a reception either. We’re just not into that whole thing- DH does not dance, and we both could careless about the usual traditions. We just set a reservation for the nicest restaurant at the hotel for everyone. The staff did set the table up nicely with formal dining-stuff, candles, flowers, and a cake to cut (all to our surprise). However, our resort was pretty small so it all felt pretty private, they didn’t offer much for special events other than a jazzy version of what was on the menu already for double price, and we figured ppl are already all-inclusive so why double-pay for a dinner? Had there been a larger # of guests, say more than 5-10 ppl, we totally would have gone with the full-on reception dinner, but with only 4 ppl that seemed like overkill…

We did consider going off-resort for the post-wedding dinner but in the end just didn’t have time to set that up….

That sounds about right.. I went to a friend’s destination wedding a few years ago. They had their wedding on the beach in the afternoon, and then had dinner at a restaurant. It wasn’t really a reception, but they had the whole restaurant to themselves, food was served and they did their cake cutting as well. The dinner was a special set menu just for their wedding, and they arranged for some decor and flowers as well. After dinner, we hung around for some shots and then went to the disco to party the night away. The night before the wedding all the women and men got together seperately and had dinner and partied. They had a special dinner for the women on the beach, which was nice. As a thank you gift we got little bags of goodies that were beach/vacation related.

I also went to Mexico a couple years ago and there was a wedding going on at one of the restaurants we were having dinner in. They were given a section of the restaurant but I only I saw the bride and groom cutting the cake.

I have also heard of people having another small reception at home or elsewhere for those who couldn’t make it to the destination wedding.

@Pupperoni: I had a destiantion wedding in the Caribbean and for the reception we had a special reception dinner with a special menu in a private restaurant that we paid extra for. Even though its all inclusive its nice to have something special for the guests for the reception not just the normal buffet that they eat everyday while being there

That’s very cheap on behalf on the bride and groom. As all the guest are traveling, then yes a reception should be provided (even if it’s just in a different room). I would decide to go based on whether or not I could afford to take a vacation at that time, and if I wanted to go.

@julies1949: i just have to speak up about this because i feel like it is a very common perception but not entirely true. we are having a destination wedding at a 5 star resort in punta cana (very soon!). it cost our guests $1600. that money went exclusively to their trip. i don’t know where you can spend a week at a 5 star resort for $1600 and ALSO pay for a wedding!

with that said, we are definitely have a private reception at our wedding. and it’s costing a small fortune. i would be put off if they didn’t do SOMETHING special but… it is definitely within your rights to decline… at least they told you ahead of time.

We had a semi-private reception for our DW. The dinner was at one of the resort restaurants but we selected a three-course menu and had an area to ourselves. We also did a cake cutting. This did cost us money, as we weren’t just going to one of the restaurants for dinner. However it was cheaper than doing a full private reception.

There were only about 12 of us and it didn’t seem worth it to have a full private reception. No one complained and everyone had a good time.

@Pupperoni: I was MOH at a family member’s DW in Mexico at a 4 star all inclusive resort. It cost me about $3,000 for a week trip for me and my bf at the time including airfare then add in normal bridesmaid costs – bachelorette, shower, gift, dress, shoes. There was a cocktail hour and reception. I know it cost the couple $11,000 but $3,000 was their flight/room the first part of the trip and then they stayed an additional week in a honeymoon suite. So IMO it was cheap for the couple for their wedding overall but expensive per couple for attending as guests nevermind as part of the wedding party.

I agree with other bees, if you can afford the trip and can take the time off work/want to go then go for it. We had a lot of fun it was just super expensive for one wedding as a guest.

@Pupperoni: We are having a DW where the ceremony will be held at one place and the reception at another. We are not only providing guests with a reception but we are providing their transportation as well.

I dont think it’s cool to ask your guests to attend a DW and not prepare anything special to thank them for their travel and attendance. NOPE – not cool at all!

@mu_t: i don’t know where you can spend a week at a 5 star resort for $1600 and ALSO pay for a wedding!

My point exactly! Guests don’t normally pay for the wedding!

I can get a week at an all-inclusive (yes 5 star) for far less than $1600 and it would be at a time of my choosing. Multiply that $1600 by the number of guests attending, and chances are your guests are paying more for this wedding than you are.

I’m not criticzing anyone’s choice to have a destination wedding or attend one, but let’s not pretend that it doesn’t hugely increase the cost of attending the wedding for the guests.

This may or may not be what is meant by saying DWs offload wedding costs onto the guests, but mine did not. Yes, it was more exensive for the guests to attend but I didn’t offload any of my wedding expenses onto them for the wedding itself. If I could have saved any of my 25k, I would have done so, but I wouldn’t have and didn’t add any extra wedding detail or planning expense onto my guests. They had choices for hotels to stay in that ranged from $50 a night to $500 a night, and they chose hotels over $200 of their own accord. They got free transportation and more than one upscale dinner experience for free.

@julies1949: the resort we are staying at right now online is $1850+ pp. so they actually got a deal.

eta: i think you misunderstood my wording. i’m not saying guests should pay for the wedding… but $1600 for a trip AND a wedding, even when you multiple it by the number of people… just doesn’t add up to me. our trip wasn’t more expensive because they were part of a wedding. it actually saved them money when compared to the normal rates for this exact resort.