I wrote a week or so back about my pity party, and apparently at that swanky soiree a broken record was played and so a week later I am still two-stepping to the same track. I am the lame person who is the last to leave a party. In the words of the urban poet Reggie Noble (Redman), "I'll be dat." However, you can't party forever, broken record or not, so I am going to slip out the back door and go sleep this sadness hangover off. All of that to say, I will be taking a little break from blogging and most things internet for a while so I can go deal with these demons. I have to convince those annoying critters that I can't party with them anymore. I may make some appearances on Twitter, but otherwise I'll see you guys later and give you VIP invitations to a celebration where frowns and pity are not on the guest list, I promise. In the meantime my fabulous blog partner will hold you down whenever the writing spirit hits her.

Love ya,
Alise

P.S. For now, this is the party I am going to see if I can get an invite to:

I have had beef with media since 9-11. I think I’ve had it for longer than that, but it has really gotten to me since that time in our history. What I’m about to tell you isn’t a new story, like the movie Avatar, no surprises here. But I want to show you how the media has the power to influence how we view things and that just aint right.There is a community center in Oakland California called The Oakland Green Youth Arts and Media Center. I first heard of this center while surfing the net, through an article posted on the SFGate website, home of the San Francisco Chronicle (link to article here). The article starts like this:

“The walls are freshly painted in blues, browns and whites, the bamboo dancefloor is polished, andthe sound equipment has been tested again andagain. All that's left is opening day for one of the more ambitiousenterprises of musical, video and performance-art creativity that Oakland hasseen. It's the Green Youth Arts and Media Center, and when it officiallystarts business on Telegraph Avenue on Jan. 14, the center will offer muchmore than a building full of professional-caliber recording studios and newcomputers loaded with high-end multimedia software.”

Reels you in, peaks your interest, then it goes on to talk about its financial contributors, the Peapod foundation created by the Black Eye Peas, whom I love pre and post Fergie. Next it focuses on one of the teenage “got it together stories” of a young man who turned to rapping after a shooting ended his chances of attaining a tennis scholarship. It goes into detail about him being a music producer now and helping the other kids produce music. Feel good story I guess. BUT wait, lets back up, in the beginning, the article said “the center will offer much more than a building full of professional-caliber recording studios…”, yet the article only focused on the recording studios and turning inner city, at risk or already risky potential gangbangers into rappers. Hmmm…I instantly gritted my teeth. I mean, record studios are a dime a dozen nowadays, like liquor stores and churches (the building and the chicken). Why the heck would this be beneficial for this particular demographic? Do we think grooming inner city at risk youth to become rappers is a good way to meet the needs of the youth? My rage forced me to dig a little deeper. Because like I said before, I like the Black Eye Peas. I like what their foundation does, and with some of the members being inner city youth, I thought they would come a little better than that. My research lead me to another article about the center, from the center’s website.

“The Oakland Green Youth Arts & Media Center is one of the first artsand multimedia centers dedicated to both ecological awareness, as well asartistic and professional development for underserved youth in the nation. Byworking as a coalition with other non-profit partners to offer media arts andgreen job readiness training with wraparound services, this Centeraspires to prepare youth to join either the entertainment or green industries. Further, through business/entrepreneurial mentorship, it will prepare its constituents to enter the marketplace with business-to-consumer and business-to-business ventures. The Center will provide the basis for training, operations,structure, and resources — all that is needed to achieve the success ofyouth businesses incubated at the Center. Eventually, peer-to-peer trainingand networking will carry both the Center and it’s constituents forward.Green For All strongly believes that the Center will serve as a model forother cities and community development entities, and that its management – whois also participating in our Business Coaching Program – can exchange storiesand best practices with similarcenters across the globe.”

Much flipping better! This I can get behind. This I can support. This is something I wouldn’t mind getting involved with.

My point in showing you this is that you can’t, simply CAN NOT believe everything you read. You have to dig deeper. The media isn’t out there to keep you informed, it’s out there to keep you in place. It’s out there to make sure you are feeling and are perceiving the world in the way that best suites the powers that be. Am I taking this to a whole other level? Perhaps. But it’s already understood that what I think about…the way things work. I just say, look a little deeper, all that appears bad, probably isn’t, and all that seems easy and sure fire, probably isn’t.

Right about now I need as many inspirational quotes as folks can throw to me. Right now folks, is a dark period for your good ol' silly buddy Alise. Usually I can joke myself or talk myself through tough times. However, this time around I am just tired. Exhausted is probably a better word. Or maybe exasperated. No, I think weary is the best You must excuse me, I am a geek poet and word selection is important. There is so much on my plate right now that the only way this would be a good thing is if it was dinner time. That was corny. Even my jokes are suffering. I just feel like I keep hitting a wall, and trust me after you plow into a wall a couple-few times it starts to hurt. Pain sucks and I know it is part of life, but what percentage is pain really trying to extort from me. Pain is like Puffy a crooked record label manager and I feel like I won't have a second album of triumph, but only an advance to pay back. Word to Carl Thomas.

Just keep in mind in this post I am just having a pity party, and you just happened to get invited. Just a moment of weakness and sadness, yeah I know my party favors suck. It's all I could afford. *Kanye Shrug* I'll be better tomorrow I am sure, but for now let's two step to my blues.

Fear is the knee jerk reaction to rapid change. But change is not a monster, I repeat, change is not a monster. Rapid change, although it may seem a bit overwhelming at first, does not spell out the imminent END to all things. I promise. And if you can’t believe a virtual blog entity for which no one really knows if I truly exist, then who the heck else can you believe?

I’ve been reading articles lately written by the 50+ crowd commentating on technology and its rapid development and its impact on their lives. Wah wah wah. One lady wrote that she hopes twitter doesn’t replace a novel in her grandchild’s lifetime. Gimme a break. That’s like the automobile taking the place of walking. People will always walk, if they know what’s good for them. When people stopped walking, they all got obese, then came the “get fit” revolution, and now the people are demanding sidewalks be put in place everywhere, because we must walk. But that is another argument for another blog. My point is that although technology and social media is hitting us faster and harder than a cold wind chill on a January morning, I assure you social media will NOT take the place of good old fashion social activities.

And let me say this too, social media is a form of technology, it is not the embodiment of technology. People shun social media, they shun technology, but please believe that technology is what brings you your nightly news in HD. Technology is what makes it possible for you not to use your legs to walk a block to the corner store. Technology is what makes it possible for you to read my current rant. I dislike technology for reasons only an educator with a technology degree can understand. So basically I’m defending my right to hate technology for my own personal reasons, and I don’t want to be clumped in there with the other chicken littles.

I want to assure the world that social media will not be the downfall of technology or change. It will be like disco…

Ultimately, the only one responsible for and has the power over your own happiness is you. No more excuses as to why I can’t be happy. It’s all on me. Not sweating the small stuff not only works, but has helped me maintain inner peace. Inner peace can be attained as soon as you stop letting the outer chaos dictate how you feel about the world around you. I see silver linings, half full glasses, and positive outcomes at every turn. I no longer give an audience to negativity. I am awesome! My friends are awesome!

Alise

In 2009 I have learned that it is okay to cry. I have ranted on this blog and on my other about people allowing me to just have my emotions... Well, at this point I don't care what others say and won't address that anymore, because if I need to cry, I will. If I need to laugh at inappropriate times, I will. If I need to withdraw and be to myself, I will. If I need to step on stage just to get attention, I will. If I need to write sad poems that make very little sense, I will.

My other lesson I learned is to accept genuine and heartfelt help and to learn to ask for it. Independence and all is a wonderful thing, but sometimes a good soldier's best strategy is to throw up the white flag and admit defeat. Then launch a sneak attack when the enemy least expects it. BAM!

Things that we have learned in ‘09 that we will leave behind:

Eysqueen

One person’s misery doesn’t have to be shared by me. I can be understanding from afar. Winter weight, holla! Excuses for underachievement, I’m so much better than the limits I set upon myself, so I’m leaving self imposed limits behind. I can only be as happy or as miserable in my relationship as I am as happy or as miserable with myself. So I’m not going to expect my relationship to make me happy if I can’t make me happy first. Leaving the responsibility for my self care off of other’s shoulders.

Alise

I will leave behind a couple-few "friends". I will also leave doubt, anxiety, and fear in 2009. Those are the only 3 things that have held me back, wait there are 4 things that held me back. Me.