Constant Rejection: The Struggles of an Aspiring Actress

Ever since I was 9 years old and played a fertile Jewish woman in my 5th grade play, it’s been my dream to work as an actress in LA. However, I never truly assessed how hard it would be. Life seems to be one big roller coaster of screw yous, getting things wrong, and figuring yourself out and what makes you happy— and that route doesn’t exactly pay the bills.

Rejection from more ‘normal’ jobs like administrative, teaching, and engineering ones(yup, that’s my super broad definition of jobs. Hence my current aspirations) is a very real part of life. I did well at finding part time jobs throughout high school and college (non-threatening McSmiley pants over here), but once I started pushing for part time and sometimes even full time work, I realized how underqualified I was for so many jobs (writing and editing full time), and how overqualified I was for many others (say, a clown or movie theater usher). Overall, I want a career that gives me the flexibility to work within my limited physical means and is still a challenge— that gets me thinking at least a few times a day.

Rejection has been a consistent part of my life since I was a small child and got involved in the theater world (there’s also a certain level of rejection one gets from being number four out of six kids). It’s a bit difficult to start a hobby/life love with middle aged directors and cast members commenting how they hate working with kids (Even if you’ve worked your 12-year-old patooty as hard as you can. Seriously Nunsense cast. I heard every negative word you guys said in the dressing rooms. Bet ya didn’t think I would become a writer!).

“… when that one something you just know was going to boost your career to the stars, goes to a taller, thinner actress, everything can crumble for a bit.”

I still developed a great passion for the theater. Even got my Bachelor’s degree in Theater, emphasis in Performance (I know, I know; VERY productive degree). But theater has some pretty heavy rejections. And they’re often fairly public. I once went to auditions for The Sound of Music at my local community college when I was 12. For the first cut, they called out a list of names, and whenever a new name was called out, that person, and their friends, got excited.

Well, at the end of the names being called out, the dance director said everyone called out could leave. They had seen enough from them. 20 or so kids and young teenagers trudged out, some in tears, and others looking angry at this American Idol-esque elimination.

I didn’t audition for the community college again until a very ethereal and creepy play came up almost a decade later. Even then there was the weird sense of just being a cog in a madman’s machine. Which, if you knew the heads of the Theater department at this community college in 2008, you would probably agree. I auditioned for one play, was told I didn’t really fit with that play, and then was pushed into a reading for another play auditioning on another stage. Now this cast held a lot of cool people, two of which I still call good friends to this day. So that whole, one door closes, another one opens thing is pretty much my life motto. I just hope there continues to be more doors to jump through.

I’ve been rejected from plays because of my size, a supposed lack of ‘sexiness,’ and sometimes simply based on my schedule. In Marriage Go Round, I was told the female roles in the play weren’t meant for me, but hey, I’ll always be cute! And hey, I could even do the sound board out of sight! Day after day I had to watch a less talented, less dedicated woman stumble over lines that I wanted to say on a stage that I loved. She didn’t even memorize her lines until the day before opening.(There might be some resentment there still.)

In 7th grade, I attended a school of the arts, so I participated in the Theater elective every semester. I was still learning how to take constructive criticism well. After auditioning for Alice in Wonderland and finding out I didn’t get Alice or the Queen of Hearts (the roles I’d really wanted), but was instead pushed into the White Rabbit role, I was devastated. One of my favorite movies, and I was stuck with: “You’re late, you’re late, for a very important date,” and one or two other lines. Now, like everyone says, there are no small parts, just small actors. This may be petty, but 12-year-old Brittany did not want to be small in size or in role. But often she was (and still am; I’m only 5′ 1″) during the process. It was a bitch of a learning lesson.

In this social media, everything has to look positive world, we sometimes don’t realize the real issues going on with our friends and family. We don’t see the rate of rejection so many of us face because that’s information you don’t post for ‘friends’ to see, right?

I once had a close friend ask me if I thought she could ‘make it’ in L.A. as an actress. This friend was bedridden for three days after not getting cast in a community theater production. I had to (with all the love in my heart) tell her that no, she probably wouldn’t make it. I didn’t mean to tell her that to put down her aspirations and dreams. I was merely trying to warn her to save her more tears. Zeus knows the amount of tears LA has sucked out of me. But this is a form of rejection that one may get from friends and family, the, “I’m just looking out for you because I love you.” I just apologized to my friend after writing this section and realizing what I’d done, but she didn’t even remember it. It was 2 years ago and she’s been in probably a dozen plays since….

Like I wrote earlier, I’ve been doing theater since I was 9 years old. I’ve valued learning how to take constructive criticism as one of my strongest assets. Unfortunately, when that one something you just know was going to boost your career to the stars, goes to a taller, thinner actress, everything can crumble for a bit. After not booking a role that would have let me visit my fave little green friendly town of Arcata, make some serious dough, and get a huge booking with some rad actors, I took myself out to ice cream. Because nothing says screw you to being skinny than half a pound of candy covered cheesecake flavored ice cream.

On the non-acting side of rejection, I’ve had my fair share of relationship rejection. And that’s a real rejection, completely based on who I am (and maybe what I look like); unlike a play where I can excuse away a role being cast to someone else because I had the wrong height or hair color for the role. When my ex fiancée and I got together, we were very young and had unrealistic life views, like most kids in their late teens/early 20s.

We got engaged three weeks after meeting and we immediately moved in together. Well, that meant we didn’t really know each other well. So we fought. He cheated. We fought more. And after two and a half years of him not finding a job and me desperately trying to support his video game addiction and, well, life, I asked him to move out. And he did.

Being cheated on is one of the worst violations I’ve ever felt. The trust is just gone between the both of you, and the struggle to regain that trust weakens the relationship more and more. It’s been three and a half years since we broke up and I still have issues getting into a relationship and truly trusting another person. I mean, he was the first guy I did it with. And he threw that in the trash. I will never understand cheaters and frankly, I don’t think I want to.

I’ve had to consider if I’m really fit for what I love and find joy in, as I haven’t really been ‘successful’ in L.A. I learned quickly that it’s often not about the talent, or even your looks in my auditions. An old acting teacher once told me that I might be rejected because I wear the same perfume as one of the casting director’s ex-wives. You just never know, and that is a small positive to remember. (And a reminder not to wear heavy perfume in the casting room.)

Success though, can be judged differently for each person. I have good friends. Some cool random gigs. The ocean less than a mile away for my boogie boarding addiction (which I developed shortly after moving to LA). Right now in my life, it’s a good time to take stock of what I have and what I’m aiming for. I even made one of those vision boards. So at least I know where I want to head.

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Brittany Morgan Williams is a 27-year-old voice actress, writer, and book editor. Originally from Redding, California, she graduated from Humboldt State University with degrees in Theater, Film, and Dance as well as English and has been able to utilize skills learned there in her chosen careers. She’s lived in Los Angeles for three years pursuing her career goals. Brittany has produced 6 audiobooks with Dana Burkey and edited 16 books with her.

Currently, Brittany is book editor for Dana Burkey and Tom Monson. She is currently writing a young adult apocalyptic book as well as a dramatic play. She also writes content for Exsplore.com and Candid Chronicle.

Voice over wise, Brittany just completed 2 video games, ‘Tales’ and ‘Planet Explorers.’ She is currently in the animated series ‘VonnWorld’ with director Christopher Ellis. In 2017, you can hear Brittany in the animated film ‘The Windwater Pack,’ in the podcast ‘Talisman of Hoshruba,’ the audiobook ‘Melin,’ and the audiobook ‘The Archimage Wars.’

She’s actively auditioning and always open to new voice over, editing, and writing gigs!