A Beef-Roid Story

Clemens(waking up): Huh? Who is it? Who's there? Is that you Grandpa? I don't wanna play "freaky turtle" today.RNG: No Roger it's me, You're commander-in-chief. Old Tricky.Clemens:Dick Nixon? But your, your.....RNG: Yes Roger, dead as a door nail. But I've come back for you Roger, to bring you a warning from beyond the grave! OOOOHHHHHHHH(scary ghost chants ensue)

Clemens:Please go away! This is just a dream, a horrible, drug induced hallucination!RNG: No Roger, this is real, as real as my dog Checkers after eating a half-dozen Snickers bars. So heed my words Roger, for I feel you're pain.
You will be visited by three others within the next week, you're first will be today. Some lowlife who calls himself "Petite". He is you're Howard Dean, Roger. He is you're misery. He has the eyes of a fruit bat and the breath of a dung-beetle, and he must be dealt with Roger.Clemens: No. Andy's my friend. Your Lying! You liar! Go back to Presidents hell,you swine!RNG: You covered up Roger, now the wagons are circling. The cover up Roger, it's always the cover-up.
Clemens: But, I'm telling the truth. I'm from Texas!RNG: STOP NOW (RNG SCREAMS). How dare you lie to the Undead! You knave! You scurvy bastard! Don't you understand, they smell blood now. The media is turning on you. Soon you're own children will cast you off as a Scottish leper, bartenders will spit in you're Jim Beam and cokes, Your wife will blame you for her new pain. You're doomed.Clemens: You right! Oh God, you're right. What have I done?!(sobs)

RNG: Pull yourself together man! Nows not the time for self-pity. Save that for you're hall of fame induction. Now is the time for action, and I've got just the thing for that worm you call a friend.

Clemens: Oh please Dick Nixon, what should I do?
RNG:(whispers) Well, the first thing is..............