Really need someone to help me with my grammar. I am an international students and I find it hard to spot mistakes in myPS and edit it. Please help me with that and PM me your price for it. I try to post it before and received many useful suggestions,however I still need someone to work closely with me on editing the whole essay. So I would like to pay for that Thanks in advance.

Last edited by diasybao on Wed Sep 13, 2017 11:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You wrote a statement but you didn't tell a personal story. And for that reason this really has to go o the chopping block.

When writing your personal statement consider the context. Folks on the admissions team read 100s of these. After a while they all begin to look the same. Like us, admission officials are people too ( I know its hard to imagine). They have real lives, families responsibilities and distractions. It's your job to write two pages that wake this person up and say "Damn it, pay attention!!" How do you do this? You do this by telling a story. You have an incredible story to tell. The only problem is that you are not telling it. For that reason you could end up not getting into the tier of law school you could. Are there grammar issues? Yes there are. There are also syntax problems and things like this confirm to admissions that you are not yet prepared to produce the sort of concise writing, organized thought and attention to detail to be a value to a law school, its law review, law journals or classroom discussions with distinguished faculty.

You must tell a story. You must bring us into your life in China or your experiences not merely as an interpreter but as a person. You must humanize yourself and come alive on the page. That is the only way you will wake up the admissions officer and be remembered enough for them to mention you at the lunch counter with colleagues or around the dinner table with friends or family. Qin Yuefei; there is a story there. But you don't introduce him until the very end. Bring him alive to the readers!

Another thing, don't be so literal. Don't write "another reason I want to go to law school is..." Instead of approaching it that way simply tell your story and inside of your story the reader should say to themselves "wow, the skills and life experience this person has I can see why they would be perfect for our law school." A lot of this is done by reverse engineering. Find out and research what your target schools are really pushing and advertising. It's usually something sexy like IP or social justice. Once you find a niche that matches one of your interests, tap into it by telling a narrative from your life that someone can infer and so to themselves "wow her experiences really dovetail with a few of our professors' interest in the confluence of technology and social justice"....or whatever. Be strategic but at the heart tell a genuine story.

Please don't feel like I am beating up on you individually but I am finding that so many personal statements are missing their soul. The essence of communicating authentically. I'm telling you, so many students fail to do this that if you manage to be authentic and tell this amazing life story that you have actually lived... you will be among only a handful of applicants. Plus you'll be remembered and gain acceptances at places that if this were your final draft would say "no".

You must get your application in for early decision based on the numbers I have seen but this must be fixed before it is submitted. If you'll take the time to write a story I'll be happy to give you tons of comments in the margin and help as much as I can. Your story is incredible but you have to deliver it in a way that makes it readable.

Shema wrote:You wrote a statement but you didn't tell a personal story. And for that reason this really has to go o the chopping block.

When writing your personal statement consider the context. Folks on the admissions team read 100s of these. After a while they all begin to look the same. Like us, admission officials are people too ( I know its hard to imagine). They have real lives, families responsibilities and distractions. It's your job to write two pages that wake this person up and say "Damn it, pay attention!!" How do you do this? You do this by telling a story. You have an incredible story to tell. The only problem is that you are not telling it. For that reason you could end up not getting into the tier of law school you could. Are there grammar issues? Yes there are. There are also syntax problems and things like this confirm to admissions that you are not yet prepared to produce the sort of concise writing, organized thought and attention to detail to be a value to a law school, its law review, law journals or classroom discussions with distinguished faculty.

You must tell a story. You must bring us into your life in China or your experiences not merely as an interpreter but as a person. You must humanize yourself and come alive on the page. That is the only way you will wake up the admissions officer and be remembered enough for them to mention you at the lunch counter with colleagues or around the dinner table with friends or family. Qin Yuefei; there is a story there. But you don't introduce him until the very end. Bring him alive to the readers!

Another thing, don't be so literal. Don't write "another reason I want to go to law school is..." Instead of approaching it that way simply tell your story and inside of your story the reader should say to themselves "wow, the skills and life experience this person has I can see why they would be perfect for our law school." A lot of this is done by reverse engineering. Find out and research what your target schools are really pushing and advertising. It's usually something sexy like IP or social justice. Once you find a niche that matches one of your interests, tap into it by telling a narrative from your life that someone can infer and so to themselves "wow her experiences really dovetail with a few of our professors' interest in the confluence of technology and social justice"....or whatever. Be strategic but at the heart tell a genuine story.

Please don't feel like I am beating up on you individually but I am finding that so many personal statements are missing their soul. The essence of communicating authentically. I'm telling you, so many students fail to do this that if you manage to be authentic and tell this amazing life story that you have actually lived... you will be among only a handful of applicants. Plus you'll be remembered and gain acceptances at places that if this were your final draft would say "no".

You must get your application in for early decision based on the numbers I have seen but this must be fixed before it is submitted. If you'll take the time to write a story I'll be happy to give you tons of comments in the margin and help as much as I can. Your story is incredible but you have to deliver it in a way that makes it readable.

The reply is so long!!! Many thanks!!!! I have PMed you for further questions. This is so nice of you to write this reply