(Closed) Sister pact among bridesmaids cont'

Well it was, to my knowledge, partially successful. One of the three sisters succeeded. The youngest one, whom I am closest to. And let me lead this off by saying a few things, because last time I got a little bit flamed.

I am SO HAPPY for my cousin, and I can’t wait to meet the little munchkin. This post will not be talking about how happy I am, it will be talking about my concerns regarding my wedding. That doesn’t mean I am not happy.

I am NOT kicking her out of the bridal party.

I am not angry that she, or either of her sisters, is expanding her family.

My cousin announced she is pregnant over the holiday weekend. She told me that she’ll be about 7 months pregnant at my wedding, and I reassured her that we’d make it work. It has been a known fact for a while that we could run into this, and David’s Bridal does not sell maternity bridesmaids dresses. The reason that some look like they could work, but do not, is the lining. None of their dresses have flowy, forgiving lining that would make room for a pregnant belly. We would have to order a huge dress and have it altered down, which would be $200-$250, plus the cost of the dress.

The color I want is very unique. I wanted a tannish, neutral color, but that would still look good next to gray suits. It was so hard to find. There were tears and lots of stress and a lot of people telling me I was being bridezilla, being silly, looking for a color that didn’t exist, and I should just chill out and settle for this color, or this color, or this color. Finally, David’s Bridal had the perfect color, Biscotti. It was tan without gold undertones, so it would not clash with the gray suits. It was at a store that would make it easy for my spread-out bridal party to get their dresses. We got matching vests at Men’s Wearhouse and have already put down a small deposit on the rentals. I say all of this to illustrate my absolute refusal to change the color, despite no dresses having been purchased yet.

My mom has not liked the color to begin with. She told me today that I should revisit the color and just go with something easier, like lavender. Except I don’t want lavender. She told me it’s unfair to make my cousin pay so much for alterations because I want a very specific color. And she told me that my cousin will be uncomfortable and unhappy and may back out of the bridal party. I said that I would miss her, but that’s her choice, and I will not be changing the color.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. It took me a lot to find a color for the dresses that I liked, and I don’t want to sacrifice my vision. I don’t know how to talk to my cousin about this without sounding like I don’t care about her comfort.

If you were my bridesmaid, what would you want me to say? How could I get my (very pushy) family to stop telling me I need to change the color/store, and that I am unreasonable/bridezilla?

MrsBagel: As my mom so kindly put it, then I’m “just putting her in a dress meant for a fat woman, not a pregnant one.” Will altering it down so severely in some parts work? I’m worried it will look very strange, which I’m sure will make my cousin even less comfortable.

I must have forgotten to say, I am totally willing to pay for the alterations.

If I were your bridesmaid, I would want you to say, “The bridesmaid color is tan. Any dress you can get that is comfortable for YOU (because 7 months is an awkward time for your body!) and your little one is fine. I look forward to seeing you at the wedding, and please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help out.” If you do care about her comfort – and you seem to be concerned about how you’re perceived on this point – that’s what you’ll say.

You’re allowed to call the shots for your wedding – specific color, specific dress, etc. But you also have to live with the consequences. It’s fine. However. If you make such enormous demands (huge uncomfortable dress, tons of alteration costs that you won’t pay for, etc) on your bridal ladies, they may back out. They may back out even if they still love you, and they may back out even if you think they “should” be able to afford a certain dress. If that happens, be gracious about it instead of making it all about why they’re ruining your Special Day.

If the dress is such a sticking point that it’s worth losing a bridesmaid over, that is your call to make. You can ask anything you want to ask of your bridesmaids. But I implore you to be sensitive, empathetic, and understanding if you make a request and the answer is “No.”

ETA: Yes, altering a huge dress down to fit an otherwise slimmer-but-pregnant person could alter the cut tremendously, depending on her current frame, her bump size, etc. It really depends on the dress, but it will likely not look the same because not all the proportions (bust, etc) will be the same.

AllyCRN: If the lining is the only problem, she could choose an empire style dress and remove the lining from below the waist to give room for her belly. She can wear a maternity slip to prevent the dress from being see through.

I might be an idiot, but is there any reason she can’t just get an empire style dress in that color at DB? There have been many pregnant BMs and many who have shopped at DB. Just looking at the webpage and there are dozens of Biscotti options.

rachel85: Thank you so much for your advice. Since “tan” is such a wide range of shades, I would feel really uncomfortable allowing her to get any dress from any store, but I will definitely be helping in any way I can to make a David’s dress fit.

julies1949: Thanks, that’s a really good idea. Some of those dresses look like the layer of chiffon has enough room, but the lining never will. I’ll inspect the seams next time I’m at the shop 🙂

I think that alterations can do absoulte wonders! However I wouldn’t even begin to be able to guess at what size dress to order to fit her comfortably. A good seamstress might be able to just modify the underskirt, and bust of dress a few sizes too big.

In the grand scheme of things being a bride I understand the bit about the color, finding the right color is hard.

Have you checked Alfred Angelo’s colors? The little color sawtches on their site have one that could be close to the Biscotti color that might work? Ofcourse a digital rendering of a color is redicuously hard to tell. But if it’s close enought it’d be a good compromise! <br /><br />Style 7016MA<br /><br />

I added the following before I read through your entire post about changing the color, but know someone could find it helpful. David’s just came out with a short and long maternity style…

I had assumed that something like that would be way out of our budget, so I hadn’t looked. After I browsed the bridesmaid dresses at the salons where I was looking for my dress, I gave up on designers when I was seeing $300 and more. Way more than I could ask my girls to spend.

Biscotti looks like a generic enough sand/beige color that you should be able to find other designers who more-or-less match it. The AlfAngelo dress Lalavla posted is quite lovely, and looks comfortable.

rachel85: I’ll have to compare swatches in person, but they could be close. It all depends on the undertone of the color.

Looking at it online, you’d think it was a basic color, which is why I was shocked to discover how much trouble I had. All sandy/tans/beige colors seem to have a gold undertone, which would clash horribly with the gray suits.