but have taken the risk of an open-door poop when I thought no-one else was in or going to be back for hours. As soon as I heard the key touch the outside lock, my crab-like dash to the door would have broken land-speed records.

once came home and told us through fits of laughter how he had just been on a train, sitting close to those disabled loos with the big curving automatic doors. A guy in a suit went in and a minute or two later the door just opened by itself. They guy was halfway through squeezing out a poo whilst desperately trying to reach the button opposite to close the door. Eventually he stood up to reach the button and fell over with his trousers round his ankles.

I Once opened the door to a poor girl having a wee, but was looking in the opposite direction as the door slowly opened,with headphones in my ear, so it wasn't until the door was fully wide that I noticed.

The worst thing was that as I'd hit the door button a few times after the horror was occuring - to try and get it to close again - it meant that even after it closed again, it reopened about another 5/6 times (in that horrid slow motion....) before finally she got some privacy.

She was screaming obsenities at me, I just backed away from the door shouted "Learn to use a mate, for fucks sake", shrugged my shoulders to the rest of the people staring at the situation in the carriage, and walked to the next carriage with a toilet.

I made sure to lock the door after me, because I'm not a fucking fuckwit.

It's only me and mrs h_y_g, so we just know that if the door is closed, the other person is in there.

When we have parties, I have a poem I pin on the door:

I HAVE NO LOCK
SO PLEASE DO KNOCK
AS YOU DON'T WANT
TO GET A SHOCK

Embarrassing stories... when I was quite young (maybe 12/13 or so) and just starting to appreciate the opposite sex I was on a plane and went for a poo - and somehow managed to not lock the door. It was opened by a very pretty girl a couple of year's older who's face was such a perfect mixture of amusement and revulsion it set my sexual development back by several years.

I guess they're now Cross Country trains daaaahn saaarf. Anyway. You know, you have to press a button to lock the door? Well yeah, being stood in the vestibule area while some guy comes and pushes the button to open and it slowly opens and this old lady appears sat on the loo cos she didn't lock the door.

but when i was younger i was having a pleasant forest walk with my parents but i really needed a wee. so, i snuck off into the trees and did it there, but my parents followed my and took a fucking picture of me squatting in the ferns with my pants down around my knees.
it was traumatising.
and they still have the photo which they show to me every now and again between fits of laughter, reminiscing about that time they took a picture of their fucking child weeing in the forest. shameful.

I'd been sniffing aerosols and had finished the cans in the bathroom. After going to my room to find more I returned to the bathroom to resume. There I was sitting on the loo with the lid down, towel and can in hand, two empty cans of deodorant on the floor in front of me when my mum walked in.

When asked what I was doing, the best I could come up with was "wiping my nose with a towel".

I'd been sniffing aerosols and had finished the cans that were in the bathroom. After going to my room to find more I returned to the bathroom to resume -in my haze, neglecting to lock the bathroom door.

There I was sitting on the loo with the lid down, towel and can in hand, two empty cans of deodorant on the floor in front of me when my mum walked in.

When asked what I was doing, the best I could come up with was "wiping my nose with a towel".

and not for the purposes of deviancy. We had one of those stupid old fashioned sliding doors on there originally. My (then) idiot housemate decided to decorate, took the door off and chucked away the sliding mechanism. He then moved to Australia and no one ever seemed to get round to getting a new one. The sheet seemed like a good temporary replacement.

but its not like I was rushing out to buy any doors either. It was surprising and slightly disturbing how quickly we got used to it. If I bump into someone I haven't seen for a few years, they'll nearly always ask if I have a toilet door now.

I needed a shit, so went to use his toilet. he had one of those locks you can open from the other side, and, I heard him approaching to toilet door. he fucking unlock it with a ruler, leaving me sitting there in horror, terrified

a mate came into the house on the way to school & he said he was feeling sick, so told him where the bathroom was
he ran up the stairs & opened the bathroom door to go and vom, but my dad was curling one out & shoved him out the bathroom
he then turned around and blew chunks all down the stairs

We had a party a couple years ago...
.
It was about 5pm and I got in to find my mate's mum sat on the end of his bed in the dark looking shellshocked. I attributed this to the foul squalor that we lived in and thought nothing of it. Then I found out the toilet was blocked and since we had a party later and I'm a legendary hero I stepped up and decided to unblock it. So I wrapped a binliner around my arm and went upstairs.
.
Firstly the stench was properly thick, and it had obviously happened a while ago cause the water had been significantly browned and was pretty much opaque, so i couldn't see what the problem was. So I had to delve right in there and get my hand right in th U-bend and pull out the obstruction.
.
From what I pulled out I could deduce exactly what had gone down...
.
Dom's mum had been in there throwing down some brown and realised there was no toilet paper to be found. So she'd firstly tried using the front cover of Nuts magazine, which hadn't worked. Then she tried using the cardboard inner tube from a few bog rolls, this had clearly caused her some discomfort as there was evidence of blood in the smears, and you could tell from the volume of muck on the card that she'd obviously run out of this too soon too.
So then, presumably with zero self respect left, she'd grabbed the large plastic 'bag' that a 24 pack of bog roll comes in and just gone to town with it. Weirder still, there were lumps IN the bagging, suggesting that she'd gone for round 2 mid-wipe, despite knowing all too well the dire situation she was in.
.
Didn't stop her though so she must've stuffed the magazine cover, 3 cardboard rolls and the (quite large) bog roll bag down the u-bend and flushed. Before retiring to Dom's dark bedroom.
.
Filthy lady. Must run in the family though cause I remember once having to convince Dom that people really do wash their toilet parts in the shower

I came downstairs to make some breakfast on a Sunday morning once and the door of the bathroom next to the kitchen was wide open, with my housemate looking seriously hungover, shitting away with the door open. I was like WOAH, morning! and he kind of looked up and realised he was shitting with the door open. I went into the kitchen (which looked like he'd asked a wild animal to tidy up) and made a brew

my mate used to live in an old Victorian flat which had two toilets. The plumbing was mental, so unless you flushed both toilets then any 'solids' from one toilet would resurface in the other toilet. Poo tennis.

and the new one had no lock. Dad used to come in and wash his face and brush his teeth while I was on the bog. Yeah Dad renting is 'dead money', I pay this money so I can have a poo in peace and not get sprinkled with water while i'm doing it. That is ALIVE MONEY MATE