Stupid Things To Do To Yourself

A few nights ago it was 10:30 and I needed some food. I decided that I wanted an egg, but was really lazy. Then I remembered I had half an avocado in the fridge. Obviously I should cut up the avocado, put it into a mug, add the egg on top and microwave. All went well until I pulled my late night snack out of the microwave. Because I had just cracked the egg over the top and not scrambled it, the yolk was sitting right on top and looked questionably cooked. Naturally I took my spoon to poke it to check it’s poisonability index and it exploded. Into my eye.

Now there are a lot of things that feel bad, but one of them is having a burning hot egg explode into your eye. Sure, the egg could have gotten on my face, in my hair, missed me entirely, but instead it decided to shoot directly into my eye. Of course.

I hollered for Aaron to come assist his now crippled wife and he ran in like lightning and offered to flush it with water. I declined and instead stuck my eyeball into a cup and turned it upside down onto the poor thing. Then I proceeded to make great jokes about having egg on my face and the like. Because come on, if you are going to be blinded by something, egg is a pretty funny thing.

Good news, I recovered and can see fine. My eyeball just hurt for a couple of days. So remember, don’t poke at the yolk of a egg you just microwaved. It is a bad idea.