Tag: addict

Things aren't going to well and without anyone to actually talk to about it, I thought maybe writing about it here might help, so here goes. My porn addiction tends to go in cycles. When I'm doing well, I'm focusing on being present in my life, being attentive to my wife and kids, being productive, … Continue reading Checking In – Unpacking A Bad Period

I'm getting settled in to the weekly SAA meeting I go to now in my new home town. It has a nice vibe to it, everyone is really friendly, open, honest and supportive. I even met up with some of the members beforehand for a coffee. Tonight's meeting was powerful, and has given me some things to think about. … Continue reading A Powerful Meeting

The other night I acted out, but this post isn't about that. I became aware of something... a feeling... while and after the fact, that I don't think I had really acknowledged before. What I felt was, for lack of a better word... friendship. I realised I have feelings for these porn stars. Not in the … Continue reading Acknowledging my relationship with porn / saying farewell

Its Christmas Eve and I'm full of thoughts. I suppose it is inherently a time of reflection but for me my current situation in life has left me to perhaps be more reflective than usual. I went to my second 12-step meeting yesterday, and the majority of people who shared expressed worry about getting through … Continue reading Christmas Eve 2014

Recently I have become more and more aware of the separation I feel between the 'outer' me - that people see and interact with - and the 'inner' me, that is constantly aware of my struggle with porn and the fact that those I am speaking with have no idea about this secret of mine. … Continue reading The Identities of an Addict

Today, while browsing r/NoFap, I came across a video called "Share Your Story" by a guy (supposedly) called Noah Church. Watching his other videos, he's an articulate and charismatic ex-porn addict who is spreading the word about addiction and providing help to those still struggling with it (here's probably his best video - a 20 minute … Continue reading A pretty detailed account of my (porn) life

There are two aspects to beating porn addiction - the physical process of abstinence and the methods of doing so, and understanding the psychological background and context that has led to the addiction. They say that to really explore the latter, you need to achieve the former. This post is about the latter. Ever since reading Paula Hall's … Continue reading Trauma, Self-Esteem and a Hypothesis

I have been recording in a Google Calendar my daily progress. A green 🙂 goes if I did not look at porn that day, otherwise it gets a red X. At the end of each month, I total up the number of days clean as a percentage of total days in the month, with the goal being … Continue reading Monthly report: July 2014

Today I had my second private therapy session with a sex addiction counsellor. I had decided to go down the counselling route for two reasons: 1) self-motivation wasn't working and 2) I started to appreciate that to fix my addiction, I'd have to really understand the underlying psychological reasons for it; something I would likely not … Continue reading Private therapy session #2 take-away

One common theme amongst most people who have made significant progress in their porn addiction recovery, especially from those who have beaten it, is that they have all had professional help. So acknowledging that self-help, while beneficial, was not delivering the results for me that I wanted, I contacted a professional sex/porn addiction psycho-therapist, and today … Continue reading Taking the next step – professional help