The tourist, Nima Hosseini Razi, is an MBA student from the University of Wales. My guess is that, since he decided to head to London for a quick 24-hour vaycay, he must know something about the city. Like how London's downtown is one of the worst to drive and park in, and how they're hosting the Olympics this year, and how as a result every cop in London is a bit security-crazed.

What this adds up to is that if your Mondeo breaks down in easy walking distance of the House of Commons and Westminister Abbey, you stay by your fucking car until the tow truck comes, no matter how polite a note you've written.

Unfortunately, Razi is not the sort of young go-getter that just rolls over for overrated crap like common sense. Razi is the sort of badass who walks 15 minutes to go check out Buckingham Palace, because, you know, everything's cool with that car he just abandoned in front of the seat of the UK's government.

Of course, while he was gone, the hyper-alert anti-terrorism police saw the car, blew open the hatch with explosives, and gave it a good going over. So, while I've been questioning Razi's judgement, I can't let the cops off, either.

Explosives? To open a hatch? You guys don't have a slim jim? Or a locksmith on staff? If you're worried that a car may have explosives in it, is using explosives to open it the best idea? Maybe there's good reasons for this, but you'd think you can smash a window with something other than a brick of C-4. Like maybe a brick of brick.

In the end, the clusterfuck sundae was capped off with a nice, expensive ticket, and a towing away of the car. Good job, everyone. London is now safe from an idiot with a shitty Mondeo and no explosives at all, other than the one used to extra-shittify the Mondeo.

Unless they blew up the hatch because of that vest. That I could support.