Friday, March 14, 2003

What If You Accidentally Get Put In Prison Day!

It could happen. You could be in one of those distracted moments where you're not really thinking about what you're doing and you just go ahead and break a shop window or run over a kid while driving drunk. First offense or not, there are hardass judges out there who like to set an example. Just imagine it. At the end of the day, you're on your way to prison. Isn't that scary?

Don't answer that. You have a voice that makes erections flaccid.

It is scary. Because even if on appeal you manage to get freed from prison, that could take a while. And while you're in prison, a fight could break out and you could get really beat up or killed. Or you could be forced to have sex with someone. Okay, so those are the only two things that can happen to you in prison, assuming you remain strong with the love of Christ and stay away from drugs. But still, getting beat up and being raped are really terrible things, regardless of what people say, and there's way more of a chance of that happening if you go to prison than if you don't. In fact, the chance is almost quadrupled.

And don't forget what happens "outside." Your wife divorces you and moves in with the person she was cheating on you with. Your father kills himself. You lose your job. And who's going to take care of your cat and bird?

If I were you, I'd kneel down and pray to the sorcerers "Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease don't let me go to jail today pleeeeeeeeeease!" Policemen could be on their way to arrest you right now.