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My secrets....not so secret

I have a private group on Facebook, it is not open to the public at all.

There is myself and 13 others in the group. I started this group because some of us do not have any family at all, some of us have no one we can talk to in confidence, to vent to, to bitch about whatever or whoever is grating our last nerve at that moment, day week whatever. Everyone needs someone to talk to, to let out all the negativitiy to. Mostly we are silly and talk about things of no importance, laugh, goof off, sometime we talk shop, we also talk about the people we deal with daily. And here you go...we do bitch about so and so and how she posted this and it pisses me off, or I am so tired of that one person posting 50 times about her blog/company/products/cat/hangnail/or whatever. We can get snarky, bitchy and down right catty. I will absolutely admit to being OMG human and dare I tell....I will say something that could easily come across as mean. I will not apologize for it we all talk about the things and people who drive up up a wall or anger us or that we think are lying to our faces and so on. The saying goes "Let he without sin cast the first stone" (heathen knows things too) I know that we all talk and vent, it is normal. We don't go up to the girl who complains about her vertigo nonstop and tell her to stfu or to the guy who dresses like a blind golfer and tell him looks an ass. So does this constitute talking behind someones back? Depends on if you are venting to get something off your chest or you are spending all your time looking for these things just to have mean things to say. In my group, no we are venting, letting it out or sometimes trying to work out a problem but no our intent is not to hurt anyones feelings or to be mean and cruel, it's to get everything out in a safe private place so that we feel better and we don't let it all build up until we do explode and really hurt someone because they were there and it was the last straw. Are we any different than you sitting with your friends over coffee or on the phone doing the same thing? No we just don't have the luxury of having someone face to face that we can do that with so this "secret" group is our place to get it all out. Is it wrong? That is a matter of opinion, mine is no but I won't argue if yours is different. Because I own a business an "Indie" company does that remove my humanity? Or because I'm a blogger do I lose the right to talk to my friends about things that everyone else talks to their friends about? I see people not bloggers/companies my friends and we are human and we are not bad people any more so than anyone else. I dare you to say that you don't do the same.....if not I bow to your pent up anger.

Now why am I telling you this? Because first I have nothing to hide. I am not ashamed
of needing to get my grumpies out. Second one of the people in this group has been (all along) reporting to a group of people about our conversations. Now imagine for a minute a private conversation about something you are at your wits end with is then taken out of context and retold or likely screen shot and handed to someone not involved. Well it could create all kinds of crap....Drama. But why would someone do that? I don't know and don't care to speculate on why someone would but that is exactly what has happened. And now I am being threatened that someone who lied to me and talked in a secret group behind my back is going to go public with it if I don't shut up. What? So YOU are going to go to the interwebz world and tell my blog readers, customers, friends and the world that YOU had a spy in my very small group of friends and that this spy came to your SECRET GROUP and told you or gave you screen shots of our private conversations? So basically you are going to tattle on us for doing exactly what you are doing? OK then. You go ahead and take those conversations out of any context because you weren't there, tear those screen shots down and turn them every way until they suit your drama creation and you show the world that I am a human and I get pissed off, annoyed, angry, grumpy, frustrated and I go to my friends and I blab my effin' head off until I feel better. Yep...I do. I also scratch my bum when it itches, I don't always change the toilet paper roll when I empty it, I flip people off in traffic, I even sometimes say things that hurt peoples feelings out of anger, I have 12 items in the 10 item lane, i drive faster than the speed limit! I AM HUMAN.....so there...my secret is out! Hate me for it, don't buy from my company for it, stop reading my blog because of it or go vent to your friends about what a mean and terrible monster I am. But just know that it's ok with me, I admit to not being perfect and I hope you won't mind if I don't try to be anything less than just me...faults and all. Oh and when you told your friend that I was driving you bats with that one thing and I was not there and you never told me....I don't consider that talking behind my back, you are still my friend and I love you!

OK that is all the super seekret shocking closet monsters I have.

For those who stayed and don't hate me for my humanity, I love you and appreciate your humanity!

Wow! Well I have no idea what the group is or who you are talking about but that is pretty shitty of the person who was lucky enough to be in your group and to do what they are doing..I don't understand people. So they acted like a friend and the whole time basically narking on you and your group for just being people? I wonder if she is my "friend" ? Sorry this is going on for you! :(

Those that are unhappy with themselves must tear down others to make them selves feel better. Keep your chin up and remember that what doesn't kill you just makes you stronger. Plus, karma is a bitch, she'll get hers. ;)

We're all human, and we all have emotions, and we need a safe place we can vent without worrying about those who will twist information and private conversations to suit their own sick need for drama llaming and bringing them public where they *don't* belong.If someone wants to be a "super not-so-secret-spy" and ends up being labeled as such online once their true intentions are outed... Well, lets hope said person (or persons) doesn't come cry-babying back about how unfair the world is, blah blah blah.I know I don't talk to you frequently, but I think you're cool as can be because you *do* show you're human, and you *do* say what's on your mind. And you do it respectfully and with tact.I'm sorry this has happened to you- and all I can really say is what goes around comes around, and said person or people will be ousted as untrustworthy snitches. You also have my utmost respect! <3

Oh, and I'm also one that goes to the express lane with 26 items, split up into two transactions. Yes, I'm a dick sometimes. And I love flipping the bird from my passenger seat up through my sunroof provided there's no snow that comes crashing in when I open it up... Yes, it's happened on more than one occasion :/ You'd think I'd learn!

Oh God I must say I give the finger when driving too and usually say shit, one time though this guy read my lips and chased me and my daughter. Got to be honest I was pretty scared..I was glad he finally drove off..

I feel conflicted. On one hand, I love your make-up, but on the other hand I was really excited about supporting robot endeavours by buying from you. To find our you're actually human... I don't know what to think.

Everyone gets annoyed and vents or spouts off to their friends about it. They all say things that aren't meant for public consumption in the privacy of their closest circles. If they don't have anyone to tell IRL, maybe they turn to their friends online, and if they don't have those then maybe they just think it or write it in a diary. No one on this fucking planet is above that. The person isn't only cowardly and in genuine, they're also a giant fucking hypocrite.

It is no one's business what you say to your friends and it has nothing to do with your business. You're not discriminating against anyone, you're not secretly harming animals, scamming anyone, misleading or deceiving anyone. You're entitled to have emotions and to have a safe place and people you can share them with.

I'm sorry that it's been violated and that anyone thinks it is their place or RIGHT to try to control what you think and say to your friends. We might not LIKE the idea that people talk about us behind our backs to their friends, or think unflattering things about us, but they do and there's nothing we can do about it. Fuck the thought police, they need to grow the hell up, grow a pair and take a look at their own behaviour and consider that, if they don't want to be bitched about, maybe they shouldn't act like a bitch. Failing that, don't lie and sneak your way into someone's private circle of friends and then complain about what you find and try to extort and censor their venting to their motherfucking BFFs.

Everyone gets annoyed and vents or spouts off to their friends about it. They all say things that aren't meant for public consumption in the privacy of their closest circles. If they don't have anyone to tell IRL, maybe they turn to their friends online, and if they don't have those then maybe they just think it or write it in a diary. No one on this fucking planet is above that. The person isn't only cowardly and in genuine, they're also a giant fucking hypocrite. It is no one's business what you say to your friends and it has nothing to do with your business. You're not discriminating against anyone, you're not secretly harming animals, scamming anyone, misleading or deceiving anyone. You're entitled to have emotions and to have a safe place and people you can share them with.

I'm sorry that it's been violated and that anyone thinks it is their place or RIGHT to try to control what you think and say to your friends. We might not LIKE the idea that people talk about us behind our backs to their friends, or think unflattering things about us, but they do and there's nothing we can do about it. Fuck the thought police, they need to grow the hell up, grow a pair and take a look at their own behaviour and consider that, if they don't want to be bitched about, maybe they shouldn't act like a bitch. Failing that, don't lie and sneak your way into someone's private circle of friends and then complain about what you find and try to extort and censor their venting to their motherfucking BFFs.

I was wondering what was going on.... so sorry to hear that. I find nothing wrong with a closed group between you and your friends, a place to bitch and vent. You are right, we all do that in real life. It is very theraputic to be able to get things off your chest and have people to listen to you. I have a lot of respect that you guys made it a closed group so you conversations were not public. That is not right for someone to be taking screen shots and sharing it with other people. I hope all of you involved will keep your heads ups and not let this bring you down. You guys did nothing wrong.

I don't know why you chose to share it or who's business it is other than the private groups. Some people just can't deal with being excluded even where they don't fit in, so haters gonna hate I guess. I've always known the blogger world is human...how can you be a blogger and not realize that? Anyway, thanks for sharing your humanity, I think you're pretty cool and stuff. Illegitimi non carborundum!!!

I'm so sorry to hear about this. You must be going through something awful, *hugs*. For years, before the internet was popular I was on AOL and found a message board there for people (mostly teens) with depression or depressed feelings. We called ourselves the Society of Depressed (SOD) and eventually as one by one our families moved away from AOL and into the age of DSL, we still wanted a place to call our own, for just us to vent out. One of our friends created a message board and it's been a tiny group of us ever since.... this is like, 2003.

And here it is, 2012, and we are still friends, still in contact. Still venting, but also sharing great things as well. We are Facebook friends, even. Your group is totally justified no matter what website. A "secret" FB group is the same as a group email, group chat, message board, livejournal group, etc. etc. etc. I'm sorry your friend betrayed your trust like that. Best of luck to you: stay strong and just keep moving forward. It will all be okay. Different, but okay. :)

So let me get this straight, they took YOUR information back to ANOTHER secret group? Isn't that a little pot=kettle? The fuck?I don't think anyone could top Anastasia's reply because she just makes so much sense out of this.It's not any different than if we get together with our girlfriends and bitch about our in-laws, except this happened on the internet. Every day, every hour, every minute, every frigging second this is going on SOMEWHERE in the world. It doesn't make you a group of BAD people. It only makes you people. Take the bad out of the equation.This might explain that crazy fucking comment I forwarded you yesterday morning, by the way.

Yes you got it baby! Throwing rocks in glass houses is not a wise idea. My house is made of asshole proof plastic...you can see it all cuz I got no reason to hide my dirt. And yes after looking at that comment again it was not who i initially thought but not very smart of them since there ip shows even on fake profiles. O.o

I guess maybe their own guilty concerns got to them and they deflected it at me. I'm not ashamed of my group of sisters, we support each other and we love each other and we bitch and moan to each other....how could I not be proud to part of such amazing ladies?!

There's really nothing I could say here that hasn't been said by the other people commenting, but yes, pot/kettle...and especially offensive since it was someone you trusted enough to invite into a non-public group.

Unfortunately, like it or not, that's the risk of these interwebz- you can never truly know if the way a person represents themselves is the truth. I could be a 12-year-old acne ridden teenager, not the 34-yr-old makeup artist/mother of a toddler that I say I am (but who would lie about that- haha!)

The way I look at it, you can be cynical and avoid creating relationships on-line to avoid the drama and heartache, or you can choose to trust that most people are as they claim. You may still get burned, but chances are, you'll have gained a ton more real fTownes to support you through it- and you have :)

Some people are just drama queens- these people behave the same way IRL, and likely treat their friends the same way (and in some cases, have no more IRL friends because of it). The only difference is on-line they have written transcripts to do their back-stabbing with. It's the new-age "calling your friend on 3-way and getting them to talk about the other friend who is secretly listening"...Try to keep on trucking and don't let people like this bring you down- there are far more out there who are interested in real relationships, not just drama.

I'm sorry to hear of your infiltration. That's really sad. Also, very cliche. It seems to me that any time someone creates a secret group containing info they want kept confidential it gets leaked. I know it's the best way for a lot of people, and at the same time... not surprised. People are opportunists, and the environment sounds like it might have been ripe for abuse. That doesn't mean it was right to violate your confidence - it wasn't. I'm sad for you that someone you trusted turned out to be untrustworthy. But hey... guess they are human too but with different so-called "faults". Also... nothing wrong with venting. And to be a voice - I bet some of us are sitting here reading this going "Oh my... I hope I didn't do anything that warranted venting in a group!" But we'll never know, and it's none of our business to either. Good luck getting it sorted out. I hope you booted aforementioned infiltrator out and can trust your remaining 12 friends in the venting group! *hugs*

Hugs Kiddo! I wish at times I had someone to talk with that I would understand what I am going through. But its just not right that someone who is part of a group take it upon themselves to share with others. The idea of having a close group of friends to talk openly with, is the idea that nothing is going to be ever shared outside the group!! I think you are one of the most amazing honest person out there, and have every right to have a place to be really open about your feelings. Karma's a bitch and she will bite back!

Ridiculous! I was wondering where you were going with this. Then as soon as I got to, "one of the people in this group has been (all along) reporting to a group of people about our conversations," I basically stopped reading. This kind of drama is basically why I no longer talk to people online (and why I rarely deal with more than a couple of females, period). I know where you're coming from. I've had situations get ugly (stalking, personal info divulging) and it's always so unexpected. I don't think you have to justify yourself but whoever did that ought to be ashamed of themselves. The kicker is, they always do it for some kind of clout or with expectations of acceptance that never turn out the way they planned. Karma!

Oh geez I had no idea that you were human I thought you were a fake all along. *rolls eyes* What this person or persons did to you is utter BS! There was no need for it. Bored I guess? Whatever the reason they are obviously not a true friend. I'm sorry this happen to you. Just know this, YOU ARE AWESOME! always remember that. *squishes* <3

First of all, that's a lovely idea for a Facebook group or rather a 'small community'. It might make things easier for a lot of people. That's why it makes me even angrier to see how people think they can do anything they want once they logged in and are somewhat anonymous when in reality they'd never do such things because it's more difficult to make somebody shut up, to pressure somebody. Who the hell do they think they are? This is not kindergarten, tearing somebody's opinion apart is completely shameless and the person who doesn't respect such should be punished and doomed forever.

I started a list serv in 98 for a chronic bone disease. It's filled with folks who come so desperate for info on this orphan disease. It so helps to have a place to come vent when family/friends leave because face it, most don't really sign up for long term serious live changing, major economic changing things with anyone. The group I started has helped many. We (moderators and I) have had some nasty folks join and try to thwart the group. We keep everyone on moderated status before their posts can go up so we don't have flaming. Also, there is a well established mission statement added after a # of years beyond just the group's description that we can refer back to when folks try to join and post off topic or off rules. It has helped me so much to have this group. I have no family either. We all have to have a place to go to vent and share things that only a small circle of folks understand.

Hate to hear this is happening to you. No matter what and who you said things about, those were your personal thoughts and opinions and for them to be exploited is terrible. We all scratch, hiss and so forth. It's part of life.

I'm sorry that someone you considered a good friend is blackmailing you this way. It's not fair, especially when there are so few people you feel like you can confide in IRL and definitely on the internet. But I don't blame you! Some people really abuse their right to post and they end up appearing self-interested in terms of profit and/or vanity but becoming that one voice that tells them to check themselves is hard & it's enough to drive you up the wall RAWRRR!

SO sorry this happened to you. I do not understand why adults turn into childish bullies on the internet. JUST DON"T GET IT.

I'm a rather prickly person due to my chronics so yeah, you vent so you don't explode (or implode). Nothing wrong with that. I mean I would want to know if someone had a real issue with me before it became really irritating. But letting off steam--no one loves everyone 100% of the time ;)

Since I'm utterly in the dark most of the times about vast internet dramas, I'm not leaving your blog--and I promise to take a look at your shop (my new goal for 2012--try new to me indie products!)

I'm with the others that I thought you were perfect! Your human? Glad you have friends to talk with. We all need to get out our frustrations. The internet is wonderful to connect with so many. It's also so harsh that all your info can go out to the world. In regular life there's always someone who goes behind the other persons back. Guess they need something to say. Maybe they're not bright enough to contribute to a conversation. They feel inadequate. Ah, what a shame. Bitch! (((hugs)))

Lame! One of the awesome things about the internet is that you can find like-minded people to talk to when no one around your physical area understands you. I've come across so many cool people on here and it sucks that some people have to troll around and stir shit up to justify their little lives. One of the things I've always loved about your blog (and seeing your comments to people online) is your humanity and realness. It only makes me want to support you more ( and one of these days if I EVER have any extra money I will do it financially by buying some of your awesome makeup). I don't know you personally, but from what I've seen you are a tough cookie with a lot of support. Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. Karma's a bitch!!! <3

Im on a similar group with some friends from all over the world. We mostly talk about fun stuff, but also about troubles at home, work, whatever. And sometimes we vent, because its safe to. Everybody needs an outlet and venting in a safe place is a perfect way to get those negative feelings out. Doesn't meant that you're talking behind someones back, but just that you need a friends support/advice/shoulder to cry on. Hell, most of us have never seen eachother in real life and maybe never will, so the persons or places we talk about are strangers to us. We never use names anyway. So it's safe. I'm not sure what I would have done if this had happened to me, but I would have felt violated.I also think that the person involved is really low, to work herself into a safe group and to go and tattle on them. I really hate it when people involve themselves in things they dont know anything about and take it out of context. Unfortunately, the internet is a perfect way for such annoying people to do that and make themselves look better, and feel inferior.Just remember: nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I just ran across your blog...I like your style!!! My mother always said "misery loves company". We all say and do things that others may not deem "appropriate"..we are human, but they are not the ones we answer to.

Yeah, we all know you and your friends get together and talk about others behind their back. It's no secret. It's also not a secret that you and those people target others in your cyber bullying and petty childish games you play. Your whole life revolves around the internet, and that is truly pathetic. I ended up here because I was looking for a swatch of Manglaze and Google images gave me a link to one of your pictures, so don't you for a second think I came here because I care what you are thinking or doing. I don't. IDGAF about you. I just wanted to let you know that you are a nobody and smart people know that you are a cyber bully, and an OLD one at that... which makes it even more pathetic.shame on you for being a sad excuse for a human being. You have no soul, manners, respect, morals or conscience. You are not and Evil Angel, you are just a evil, and you'll get yours. I guarantee it. Karma is real, and it's very unforgiving. Could be a car accident or cancer, but some day down the road, life is going to give you a swift kick in the rear, and you'll deserve every second of anguish and pain.

you're angry at someone for outing you for what you are? I'm proud of them and happy that it caused you to get upset. CONGRATULATIONS! people know that you are not who you claim to be! THANK YOU TO WHOEVER POSTED ABOUT EVIL ANGEL'S LIES!!!! LIARS WHO ARE LIARS ARE LIARS.

This is the one issue that I hate in this day and age.....it seems like privacy is a thing of the past. People don't seem to get the difference between stuff that can be shared with EVERYONE and stuff that one should KEEP TO THEMSELVES. I understand why you're upset. My blog is public, anyone can read it. Therefore, I am polite on it and keep things to myself. When I have conversations with my friends on an intimate basis, we may say rude things about other people to vent. This is PRIVATE. It is not intended for the ears of others and usually people GET this and don't go yapping to others about what was intended as a private bitching session. If you had a private group, the members should understand that. I say rude shit about people who piss me off all the time, but I don't put it on public forums. To me, this is the way to go about things and I don't thing you've done anything wrong. We're all human, we all bitch about people, but mature people get things off their chest in private and don't start crap in public forums. Shame on people who try to pull this crap of airing out others conversations that were meant to be private and trying to make you look bad. I'm sure this person has said rude crap when they were in private as well so shame on them. As you said, we're all human and we all do it. I wish people would quit trying to start drama on blogs. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN, PEOPLE!!! BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!!!

Ugh...I've had a few unpleasant similar experiences, and they are not a fun time. I would tell Miss Thang to save the drama for her mama. Good for you for speakin the truth sista. Miss Thang might feel big right now, but once the hype over her antics has blown over, she is gonna feel even smaller than she did before she pulled some shiz.

Life is meant to be fun, EVERYONE talks about other people or other things, it's the way we are and the way we were created and if people can't see the snarkiness through other people, screw them. Your awesome and I hope that you keep posting!

what the hell! Man I've been too busy not really into the nail polish world as i was but man this sucks! You are just trying to live your life! people are f*ng crazy. I swear. I had the same thing happen to me in real life. But not about privacy issues just some crazy girl spreading lies about me even to the professors! What the hell! I had no idea until a really long time afterwards. I swear. You are strong though. So i think I shall be too. We don't have time for all this crap!! lol

Ugh. The last poster sucks smh! ANYWAY....I'm just reading this...have been following your blog for a little while now. PLEASE....DO NOT WORRY about what other people are saying. Fuck em. I realize some shit may get out that might make u uncomfortable. Its okay....most normal people on here realize that you are human just like us! Keep your head up mamacita! :-) Your blog is amazing and you are such a major inspiration to me. You are making me considering creating a blog myself. Thank you for what you do. :-)

I so know the feeling. I wish I could take the wise words you post and throw them at the "drama-llamas" at the academy... Another thing, just cause I'm here.... YOU ARE AMAZING! About the screen-shots thing.... I have this "Family" it's rp... I know that sounds lame... but they are the closest I have to family... One of my rp family members screen shotted me ranting about my nosey hatefull stepdad... I trusted this person and they screened it and sent it to my mother who in turn showed my horrid stepdad. I didn't know how to feel... I didn't rant about the person and I tried to be calm about it but... I was feeling betrayed. I know this sounds stupid me saying all this... but I don't know..Anyways... Your blog is awesome and you are my new role model.~^ - ^~-Destiny "Dizzy"