Exclusive interview: Charles talks

In an exclusive interview with whatinthe world, HRH Prince Charles,Prince of Wales, has let off steam about various celebrities and other members of the aristocracy. A number of popular personalities come in for verbal abuse from the future King of England and its unseemly what he really thinks of them.

"Oh, you know, that blasted Susan Boyle, what an appropriate surname that is. She really is a pain in the posterior. She has a face like a soiled dish cloth. Why does she bother singing?" he said about the Scottish warbler.

"That fellow, what's his name, Sting. Yes, he's a sleazy good for nothing, isn't he? He's had more lovers than I've had breakfasts, the scoundrel. Now he wants a knighthood. What a nerve!" Charles added about the former Police singer.

His Royal Highness was only warming up at this stage of the interview and when I asked him about celebrities such as Simon Cowell, Joan Rivers, David Beckham and Shane Warne, he went straight for the jugular. "Simon who? Well, he's a joke isn't he? Doesn't know his woodwind from his rhythm section. Joan Rivers I could outswear any f...ing time she f...ing wants, the bitch. Becks, well, I could bend over better than he can kick, talentless fool. Shane Warne. Not a bad cricketer.....useless otherwise."

Then there were others. "I bloody can't stand Ronny Corbett, such a short bottomed person. He should've been put down at birth. I would have decreed it!" And "the Mayor of London gives me constipation every time I see him, even on TV." But his worst criticism was left for one of his own. "God, that Sara Ferguson gets to me. If she had a brain it would be lonely. To think she married my brother. Ohhhhh!"

After the interview, Charles was placed back into his straight jacket and wheeled off to his tiny room in the Tower of London.