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The Journey To Our Last Baby

I’ve been meaning to write this post for some time now but honestly I just haven’t had the time to sit down and fully pour my heart into the post like I wanted. Well today I finally had some quiet time so I wanted to share with all of you our thoughts and heart behind baby #4! (Follow along with my pregnancy here)

If you grew up knowing me then you know I have always had a heart for children. I love every stage and truly felt from the beginning of my early life that all I wanted to do was be a mom. I wanted to be a mom to 4 kids more than anything. I dreamed of it actually, ask my mom! Growing up after my dad died at such a young age (read that story here) I longed for a younger sibling, I would ask my mom if we could take people’s babies home with us in public places which I’m sure made my mom and other people very uncomfortable! ha! I wanted the chaos of a big family so bad. Not that I didn’t love my family because I did dearly but there was always a part of me that wanted more, I wanted that big family and of course my mom being a single mom and never remarrying she couldn’t givve that to me!

I remember growing up I had names upon names for my future 4 children and I would just daydream about what it would be like to be the mom of 4 kids. It’s all I wanted and sounded perfect in my mind. Well fast forward to meeting Matt and getting married. He was pretty set on 2 kids and I was very set on 4…so what’s a couple to do?! Of course split the difference and go with 3! I mean it was only fair right?

Along came Greleigh, 22 months later Kaige, 20 months later Huxx and then…..we were done! We had our three beautiful babies that I had agreed on, even though deep down I longed for number 4 with all of my soul. About 2 weeks after Huxx was born Matt came home from work at lunch and told me he had his vasectomy scheduled for the next week…..um que the hysteria! In my defense I was still emotionally hormonally imbalanced but poor Matt, I don’t think he was expecting that reaction since we HAD agreed that 3 was our number! He very sweetly told me he would give me some time to process it and would’t just come home with a scheduled time again so he called the office and cancelled it. (The lady in the office laughed when he called and said “Sir, trust me this happens more than you know”) It’s funny now because I think of how crazy I probably looked and sounded but my heart just wasn’t there yet, I couldn’t do it!

Months and months passed and let me just tell you I prayed, I prayed and prayed some more for God to let my heart feel content. For Him to show my heart that 3 babies was what he had planned for my life. I so desperately wanted to feel that peace that everyone talks about and let me tell you it was no where to be found. Every time someone asked if we were done having babies I would honestly get the biggest lump in my throat and honestly just tried to smile through it and explain our “meet in the middle tactic” to lighten the mood but on the inside I was crushed.

Over these months Matt and I had several serious talks about our future and our children! We discussed finances, space, time, and all the things that come with having 3 children and Matt was honestly done. He told me several times that he just didn’t feel like we could do it and let me tell you many many tears were shed. I was trying hard to make myself be happy that I had a husband that considered all the important things for our future but my mommy heart was mourning. I was mourning over my dream of having 4 children. I was also mad at myself for not feeling done when there are so many people in this world that long for even one baby and my heart hurt during this whole entire process. I wished I could help all of those struggling with loss, infertility, etc and here I had 3 babies. I honestly felt guilty for wanting more.

After all the conversations, tears, and trying to heal my heart I basically just stopped talking about it all together. Unless someone brought it up it didn’t get talked about. It usually ended in tears so Matt & I avoided the conversation for many months. He knew my heart and I knew his…

We both knew that Huxx’s 2nd birthday was quickly approaching and had always talked about how we didn’t ever want our kids further than 3 years apart simply for the fact that we have been in baby chaos phase and never wanted to get out of it to just start over so I knew my months of even the smallest chance he would change his mind were dwindling down!

I had been on birth control since Huxx was 6 weeks old and in late June of this year we were having a nice slow night at home. We had put the kids to bed and were in bed watching tv when Matt looked at me and grabbed my hand and out of nowhere ” Babe, I would never ever want to hold you back from something you’ve always dreamed of. You were made to be mom and you are the best one I’ve ever known. I would love nothing more than to have another baby with you if you want to have another one! We will make it work no matter what” Y’ALL….I can’t even type that without bursting into tears. It was such an emotional night! I cried in his arms and I can’t even begin to tell you the immediate peace that came over me. My heart already felt full and I wasn’t even pregnant yet. It was an immediate God feeling y’all, like I felt Him in that moment telling me that this, this was His plan for us and it felt so good.

Well a short 2 months later there I was standing in the bathroom staring at the faintest line ever with tears rolling my face feeling so blessed. Again, that full feeling I had in my heart the night he told me we could have another baby instantly came rushing back. I felt complete in that very instant y’all! It was a beautiful feeling and one I had longed for for so long! I was a mom to 4 kids! My dream!

I didn’t even tell Matt I was testing that morning so he had no clue! I wanted to tell him in a fun way so I racked my brain all day for something cute a simple while trying to avoid talking or texting him because I was busting at the seams. Some of you may not know but we are also in the process of building a house so when I found out we had just started looking at floor plans that would fit our hopeful family of 6 so I found a plan online and labeled every room in the house. When he got home I told him I found a plan I really loved and gave him my computer. He opened it and started reading and then his mouth fell to the floor! It was so cute & fun! Here is the picture I showed him!

So once I told him we decided we didn’t want to tell anyone just yet, even our families! To be honest we weren’t ready to hear all the negative or sarcastic comments. Some of you know, when you have more then 2 kids it seems like the world wants to tell you that you’re crazy or that they would never have 4 kids or my favorite “you do know how this happens right?!” And while I know most of them are out of fun it still just sucks some of the fun out of it! We wanted to be excited in our little bubble and enjoy the first few weeks just the two of us being excited and prepping for the arrival of our prayerful baby #4! I’m sure there are still people that think what are they thinking, or why would we want 4 kids but to be honest it’s perfect for us and we couldn’t be more excited! I am beyond grateful for Matt and all he went through in this journey to saying yes to baby #4! I am so thankful that God prepared his heart to align with mine and to show him that no matter what we would make it work! I’ve yet to meet someone who truly wants to send one of their children back 😉

I know having 4 kids (6 and under) won’t be easy, always roses or a walk in the park but what I do know is that these 4 kids are loved by two parents who have prayed for them, over them and with them from the beginning and we will be a family full of love above all! I can’t wait for sheer chaos, all the giggles, all the fights, the holidays when they all come home from college, the grand babies someday and let’s not forget….alllll the laundry! <3

Please help this post reach every mama out there and share!! You can share this image below to help reach thousands on Pinterest! It would mean so much to me and the response to this post has been overwhelming and brings me to tears every comment I read!!

Ps. I have no desire to have any more children. 4 is it, it’s my heart’s desire and I feel so happy with our decision to be done!

Comments

Love love love this post! I relate to this SO much! I want 4 kiddos and my husband only wants 2! Currently we have zero, but I am also hoping I can get hubby to agree to 4!! Every time I see a family of 4 I say oh look this will be us someday and he gives me this look like ya ya. But your post makes me very hopeful that he will come around! We shall see, I guess we need to work on the first one first! Hoping that happens for us soon!!!!

Congrats on baby #4!! I also always wanted more children but we dealt with infertility in the past. Through IVF we were blessed with one baby and then a set of twins. I always told my husband I wanted him to just give me 6 months to try and have one more without treatment. He never gave in and when I potty trained our last child at Christmas time last year I finally accepted that was it for us. Then I remember sitting in church Christmas Eve and getting this overwhelming feeling we weren’t done yet. And what do you know, January 22 I found out I was pregnant with #4! It is amazing!! I have 4 all under six as well. It is crazy but I wouldn’t change having my big family for anything.

Paige, this is actually my prayer as well. My husband and I have infertility issues and I have a beautiful daughter as a result of IVF treatment. My last transfer was successful but sadly ended in a miscarry at 7 weeks. I’ll be doing anther successful transfer, prayerfully, in January. My prayer has always been that God blesses us with a baby naturally one day and your testimony gives me hope. Congrats on baby#4! Your testimony is been my prayer.

I loved reading this and can totally relate! I was always quite unsure about having kids, but once we had our first, I knew I definitely wanted more. Four years later we had our second. Since we had one of each, both were healthy and my husband and I weren’t getting any younger, he was happy with 2 and wanted to be done. I always had an extreme longing for one more, but was starting to come to terms with the fact it wasn’t going to happen. Almost 2 years ago I had to go off birth control due to certain issues, but not with the intention of getting pregnant. Well, 2 short months later, I was pregnant with our 3rd. We welcomed her in March of this year and my heart (and my husband’s) couldn’t be fuller! While I will always miss the stuff surrounding pregnancy and babies, I feel a sense of completeness I have never felt before. 💕

This is awesome! Well put mama. I read it with tears in my eyes as I sit here pregnant with our #4. We talked about 4 before we got married and it happened. It is truly a blessing! And yes there have been plenty of unfriendly comments. But it’s OUR family 🙂

Wow thank you so much. Your blog post came up in my Pinterest feed and I sooo glad I clicked to read it. My husband and I currently have 3 boys we’ve been taking about a 4th before even the 3rd was born. While in labor my midwife even asked if he was gonna be our last, we quickly said no. Sometimes I even say after 5 we’ll be done. The “plan” was I’d remove my iud when our youngest turned 1, well that was April. I’ve since been been going back n forth unsure if I even want another. Growing up I always wanted 3. I had my first 2 when I was 17 &18 before I met my husband. I wanted to at least give my husband 1 biological child. Now after reading you blog post i definitely want to try for another hopefully a girl. Then we’ll see if we’re done. Its such a hard definit decision

This is a lovely post. I think the desire to stop comes from within. I actually feel the same as you now that I am on my third. I want to have 4children in total and I pray God will continue to bless our family

Love this. I always said I wanted a bus full of kids. About 8 kids. My husband he had no idea what kids were as he never had anything to do with his younger sibling. He is from a family of 8 children. He is the 2nd born I’m the eldest if 5 children. We got pregnant our first month of marriage. Let’s just say I was so ill I decided 4 was enough. He decided our 1st was enough. We are now currently pregnant with baby #3. Our oldest 2 are 1y11m apart and now the soon to be middle child and this baby will be 4y11m apart. We are thinking we are done but because we aren’t sure if we are done; we won’t have anything done. We both know no more kids after 35 that’s all we have decided.

I too have been battling with this dilemma lately. My boyfriend and I have been together close to 6 years. He has no kids and I have 2. He said he was all set because he got an “insta-family” when he met us, but earlier this year he sprung on me that he had been thinking about having a child together…and 8 months later he is still thinking! It’s driving me nuts! I felt like I was done until the possibility was put in front of me and now it’s all I want. I don’t want to pressure him but the stress of not knowing is killing me!

Such an excellent article. Really enjoyed it. I’ve just had my third but I would also love to have four. I love that you prayed about it and that door opened for you. I hope that when it comes to that decision we have to make we get a clear answer like you did.

This post is amazing. I too have 4 children. All of them handsome sons. I’ve struggled with fertility the last 6 years, being able to get pregnant but not staying pregnant. I do feel as though I’m supposed to have one more! My heart isn’t quite complete yet. This gives me hope. Thank you

I’ve read your story not once but twice & I teard up both times! I love it. I’ve always had my heart set on 3/4 but so far it’s only been 1 & she’s 5 🤦🏻‍♀️ By the time I have another she may graduate haha. Hopefully soon we’ll have more kids your story gave me such hope! ❤️

Beautiful post! My husband and I are expecting our first. After 2 years of trying and exhausting several basic fertility treatments we decided to proceed with IVF. The retrieval and fertilization process were successful however they realized when we went back for the embryo transfer that u had developed hyperovarian stimulation So they had to cancel the transfer and freeze our embryos. We had to wait a month to start the frozen embryo transfer process (which ended up being successful)mI have had a very difficult pregnancy. I have experienced all the symptoms and have been on modified bedrest since 20 weeks due to cervix incompetence. At 21 weeks the performed emergency surgery to stich my cervix up to hold our little guy in there. I am extremely for my chance to be a mom to our soon to arriveite boy. My husband and I had always talked about 2 however after our battle if infertility, the exhausting road of IVF and all the pregnancy complications I just don’t know if I can or want to go threw it all again. Definitely something my husband and I will have to pray on but for now we are looking forward to the arrival of our little one.

I love this story!! We are currently pregnant with baby #4!!! I didn’t know how many I wanted, but when I would talk to my husband after baby #3, I told him I don’t have that feeling that I am done. We didn’t tell our families either for some of the same reasons. I am not sure how people can judge others want to have children. We have 3 girls, so we always hear, “are you trying for that boy?” That is probably the one that gets me the most. We wanted another baby and we don’t care if it is a boy or girl! We wanted another child. Congrats on the baby! This is an exciting time in our livings, I had to learn to let go and embrace the now with the kiddos!!

Oh. My. Heck. This was me. Except with three. Our first baby about did me in she was super early and just a super tough baby/kid and so when it came to baby number two there was kind of this agreement this would be it for us. I was sure that as hard as pregnancy was on me this would be it…Then we had number two and she got a bit older and I would sit and watch the two girls play and we’d do things as a family and I kept getting this nagging feeling someone was missing. I would talk to my husband and he’d say we agreed on two and he definitely didn’t feel like anyone was missing. I was heartbroken and I felt like it seemed like I wasn’t grateful for my other two but I would sit down to play with them and I would feel distinctly a little brother was supposed to be there. I tried so hard to pray past it because my husband and I were in such different places in regards to this, all while silently panicking…I had always wanted to be done having kids by 30 and that was rapidly approaching and the gap between my last daughter and what could be the next kid was widening. So much time passed and neither my husband or I changed how we felt so I just shut down and stopped bringing it up until one night much like yours out of the blue my husband told me if I felt this strongly about it he couldn’t dismiss it…and a few months later we were pregnant with my son!!! The minute I held him I knew. This was it. Our family was complete. The missing little person in our lives. He has made our lives so much richer and I feel total peace. We almost lost him at a year old and I remember distinctly crying out to God on one of my many drives from the hospital to grab stuff from home, that I had not prayed for and wished for this little so hard only to have him be taken away a year into his life!!
Every now and then my husband will make a comment on how he is glad I didn’t give up and in because he now agrees there was a number 3 missing he just couldn’t see it at the time. Your story 100% resonated with me. You know in your heart when you’re done whether it’s one or ten. 🙂

I love this! We have one beautiful little girl, whom I love more then anything in the world. She truly is my everything, but there is something missing still in my heart. I so want another baby, I love watching them grow and learn and exprolore, but my husband doesn’t. He won’t give me a solid answer. He’s such an amazing daddy. But I feel like he is done. I’m hopeing maybe someone can tell me maybe how to cope with not having another ( I’m sorry if I sound ungrateful, I’m so blessed to have my daughter and I love her more then words can express,) but I have that longing. Thanks. Your story was amazing and brought me to tears, made me hope that that could possibly be in my futer too.

Thank you for this. Somehow I missed it before. I needed this today. We are a family of 6 and I so desperately want another. We had twins one year ago and I thought sure enough I would feel like we were done seeing as how we got an extra baby, and 4 seemed like a round number. I keeping praying for that clairty , but it hasn’t come. My husband heard my crying as I packed away their baby clothes to donate. I explained I wasn’t crying over giving them away, but that I wish I knew for sure that we were done. Like yours he was pretty set on being done, he’s in his 40’s and we just keep thinking “is it too late?” What about finAnces, space, etc., but in the end I think neither of us know for sure and just pray that clarity will come soon.

This is great! Us too thought we were done with 2 kids. I mean my boys were 12 & 16. My husband was 41 and I was 39. Set in our ways. I even had a complete hysterectomy at 36. WE WERE DONE! But God saw it differently. Obviously I couldn’t “produce” another child but see that doesn’t mean I was done raising babies! Long story short we had 31 days to prepare for adoption. Adoption of a baby that we didn’t know anything about because the Birth Mother herself didn’t know. (Another story another time) ANYWAY….FF 4 years later and we are complete with our 20, 16 and 4 year old! I’m old but I wouldn’t change anything! God’s plan is perfect. Funny how we tend to think we control things 😂. P.S. I finally got MY GIRL that I had always dreamt about! 💕💕

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