Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The other evening, I had an interesting conversation with the Beardocrat. It was about the pictured individual, who I liked to call "Mayor of the Town". Many of the people I know have a sick fixation with Lost and so I tease them relentlessly. (I was writing an open letter to the writers of Lost, but I figure that they were probably to busy breaking all the rules of middle school creative writing fundamentals to bother with my humble epistle, so I have yet to post THAT on this blog.) A friend pointed out a hilarious blog that I have been reading in order to supplement my Lost knowledge and I found last week's post about the Mayor of the Town's background to be hysterical. But I digress, the Beardocrat and I were talking and he said that the Mayor of the Town IS a good actor, and I said that he'd been in tons of stuff, but when pressed I could come up with nothing. So today, I journeyed into the depths of IMDB and discovered that Mayor of the Town has a name, and it is Nestor. He starred as the Mayor in the Major Motion Picture Dark Knight. During my investigations IMDB informed me that his trade mark is "very dark eyes". Why I find that funny... I have no idea he even had the audacity to claim that, " not only does he not wear eyeliner, mascara, or makeup of any kind to make his lashes and eye line appear as dark as they do, but the makeup artists for "Lost" actually use concealer on his lashes and under his eyes to try to tone down the natural darkness of his eye line." He even said his dark lashes caused him much distress as a child... So what is your verdict... guyliner or 'very dark eyes'.

Monday, March 29, 2010

What is the Festival of Colors, you ask? It is apparently a religious ceremony of my Krishna friends. I've gone for a couple years now, but this year I decided that I am breaking up with the Festival for good. Why, you ask? Well, here we go.

1) this is a religious ceremony, attended by about 98 % college students who are there to get rowdy and throw colored corn starch on one another. Inevitably, every year I attended, some ridiculous (dare I say, UVU student) kid would be disrespectful and start throwing color well before the appropriate time in the ceremony.

2) the weather is usually not the warmest which means that you kind of freeze.

3) each and every BYU/UVU student comes and each brings a car. Hence parking is a total joke. I discovered early on that the freeway was no way to go, and would arrive via hwy 6... but you still have to park miles out and march in.

4) I am no longer 25. I find that since I've seen the spectacle a few times, it is basically the same thing every year.

So, goodbye, Holi Festival. It was real. I still support you. I still think people should attend to see what it is about and learn a bit if they can, but I just won't be there.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Pre marriage I never really understood the point. I lived with girls from the second I left the Latin Fury's nest ( the Latin Fury and I are conspicuously the only females in my immediate family). We had night ins all the time. Why would I need to go out with them, too? Girls' Nights Outs* were the kind of thing that girls who were obsessed with their boyfriends and spent every waking minute with them needed to do when their boyfriends a) went out of town or b) were infected with The March Madness. At least that is what I thought.

But I would like to pose a question: Have YOU ever tried watching a theatrical musical performance with a Bearded Man whose interest in musicals is limited and best (and hostile at worst???)? Let me assure you, sometimes the Girls are needed to fully appreciate the joy that is FOTR.

* the punctuation choice clearly shows that there are multiple girls and the night belongs to them

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Yes, it is five years and going strong. But not living strong like those cheap yellow bracelets. Remember those? What ever happened to that trend? I am referring to my journey into the world of blogging. It all started in 12 March 2005. And what a lovely 5 years it has been. I feel like an auspicious event like this should have some sort of best of, or some sort of favorite commentator award... but I got nothin'. I was looking back over the old blog and seeing how much my perspective has changed since I began this blogging adventure. I've grown a little older, a smidgen wiser (but I must admit, I felt pretty wise when I started this thing), but have decided that I am not a cynic, I'm a realist. Ah, the enlightenment that comes after five narcissistic years of throwing out my mundane thoughts to the world. And by world, I mean CPR's two regular readers.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

So I got an interesting email yesterday from Will, according to the subject line, we are long lost friends. I was intrigued, because I know all of my long lost friends (most of them lost for very specific reasons) and there isn't a Will Yulissen in the bunch. I am about to post the whole subject of said email, but a little back ground is in order. I work for the State Government. Recently our division has undergone some pretty (how can one say ill advised politely?) interesting changes. The current head of the division has zero experience in actually working for State Government and comes from a lobbyist back ground. Do not get me started on lobbyists, that is another story for another time... her two right hand men also have little experience in the public service realm. At any rate, on our secure intranet, we used to have a comment box where people could anonymously vent their frustrations. I wasn't a regular reader because I have other things to do at work... (Blog, perchance?) but my friend often would tell me to go check out something in the box. The comments were mostly ridiculous, but every now and then there was some gem that brightened my day. Several months ago the comment box suddenly disappeared with a very special note from upper management that said it was too negative. Ah... I laughed. I will now enclose the email from Will.Hello!We are a group of workers that have come together under a common goal. For many years we have enjoyed our jobs. Some of us have been here long enough to remember paper and some of us have recently arrived. We are very aware of the suffering economy and the challenges it creates and we whole-heartedly applaud management’s gallant effort to navigate our department through treacherous waters of change. Indeed, we are grateful for our jobs and the comforts and stability they provide.However, it has come to our attention that some workers are not happy. In fact, we have heard that many workers have experienced worry, stress, and illness. For a select few, the stressful environment has been life altering. Why does it seem that some members of management are having difficulty comprehending how miserable we have become? The words “disconnected”, “apathetic”, and “disingenuous” begin to take on new meaning as we try and fathom how dreadful our world has become.We encourage you to join us in our new effort. Take a moment and anonymously post your concerns on www.dwscommentbox.blogspot.com. We are tired of being afraid to speak out and honestly express ourselves. We are cognizant of the disapproval and maltreatment that comes when authentic concerns are shared. In addition, we are prepared if management decides to block this site because they do not wish to read “pessimism”. Feel free to email us at dwscommentbox@gmail.com and post comments from home if the site becomes restricted.We genuinely appreciate each of you. We hope that our jobs become manageable soon and promise to do whatever it takes to bring the needed relief. Let us know if you have any questions.Will YulissenSure enough, I checked and the State had blocked all blog sites! Then later in the day blogs were available again, but not the illusive DWS COMMMENT BOX. Sadly I haven't been able to see "Will's" creation, but I can not wait!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Ah, the world wide web... all the joys it brings, and all the grossly unimportant information I have gathered during my daily web visits. I like wikipedia even though it isn't a source despite what those sixth graders at the science fair I judged thought on the subject. I like stalking random acquaintances that I don't really care about via facebook. And yes, I love perusing the occasional blog (except for those that have automatic music players. I don't care how great you think your musical taste is, you should not inflict it upon others who are caught unawares). Despite all the joy that the Internet has given me... it has also given me immeasurable sorrow. It pains me, PHYSICALLY PAINS ME, when I see people who use the anonymity of the internet to share too much information... and trust me, there is such a thing as too much info.

Some friends and I were recently talking about this and we have decided that an Internet Etiquette class should be taught as soon as children can get their chubby fingers on the keyboard (I am referring to my own finger girth as I child, I do not pretend to know anything about the finger girth of my two regular readers... hi Mom). Sincerely, this is a topic for which I have VERY strong opinions and could go on and on and on. Happily for you, I will not. Every now and again class will be in session and we will be studying varying aspects of what IS and ISN'T appropriate online.

Today's class: Birth

In this session we will talk about the types of information and pictures that are acceptable to post on facebook/twitter/myspace(does anyone do myspace anymore, ps?) and on your blog.

1- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do I want to see your slimy offspring and their umbilical chord. Never. Under no circumstances is this okay. If you want the pics for your family album to show Uncle Will who comes over for afternoon tea... whatever. But DO NOT POST those things online. I could give you many logical and illogical reasons, but let us settle on this, your slimy baby is gross.

2- NO UPDATES VIA FACEBOOK STATUS MENTIONING ANATOMICAL ISSUES RELATED TO BIRTH. That is right, the words centimeters, and diameters, and ovulation, should be omitted. The only one that cares is your husband/boyfriend, your mom, and maybe your nosey aunt. Limit those facts to them. The rest of us will be fine without that information. Also, the decision to breast feed or not to breast feed is a private one which I don't need to read about.

In lieu of doing falling into errors 1 and 2, here are some acceptable and appropriate alternatives.

a)Pictures of the happy birth AFTER everyone is cleaned up and appropriately clothed.

b)Pictures of the baby looking cute a few weeks after birth (again with clothes, we will be teaching a special session for all you mommy blogger offenders out there titles, THIS KID WILL GROW UP: BE RESPECTFUL OF HIS/HER PRIVACY NOW).

c)Birth announcement posted online. Tasteful picture and pertinent facts, nothing about mommy yelling like a banshee for an epidural.

d)Status update examples.

Sunny Moon Smith was born today at 6:15. She weighed 7 lbs is x amt of inches and everything went well.

The BABY is HERE!

Wahoo- I am a father!

On our way to the hospital to have our 5th kid. You know, the usual.

etc

There you have it folks. Your first class. Please realize that scenarios 1 and 2 are so prevalent that I did not make up or exaggerate the circumstances. I could give you particular instances, but my mother taught me to be a Lady. And in this instance, I will actually try to be one.