In Their Own Words: Carla and Matthew Wiese on War, Parenthood, and PTSD

We were always under the impression that the Air Force would do as much as they could to avoid deploying us simultaneously, especially since we were dual-military and we had a child at home. But obviously we knew that the possibility could arise, and that’s what happened.

It’s quite a bit different taking care of a critical care trauma patient who’s in their fifties, sixties, seventies, than it is bringing home an eighteen, twenty-year-old kid who just lost maybe one or two limbs. They’ll sit there and tell you that, you know, they’re missing a leg but they’re not in any pain, or they’re doing fine, or they don’t need anything. And they’re trying not to show any emotion. But they – they hurt.

The medical rules of engagement were that if the locals weren’t injured by a coalition firefight, then it was the job of the local medical people to take care of them. But they brought them straight to us…. And, you know, it’s hard to say no or turn away a child that’s blown apart and bleeding and dying in your arms.

I haven’t been seen in a clinical setting for my PTSD since mid-to-late December. I wouldn’t say it’s ever going to go away. I’m always going to have those thoughts. What happened to me is life-changing. You see things, you go through things, you survive things and they’re always going to be there; but do I have nightmares and wake up in cold sweats? No.

No one knows war like those who fight it. “In Their Own Words” is an online series at www.LearningFromVeterans.com that draws on 200 in-depth interviews with military personnel about their service in Afghanistan and Iraq. This week’s installment is the story of Carla and Matthew Wiese. A married couple who are both in the Air Force, the Wieses had to deploy simultaneously to the war zone and leave their then three-year-old daughter for six months. To make things even harder, Matthew came home with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Accompanying the Wieses’s narrative is an in-depth analysis of how their family story illustrates problems – and solutions – that are widespread across the military. The analysis draws five lessons for national security policy:

#1: PTSD can get better with treatment

#2: But too many troops still aren’t treated

#3: Combat vets have little patience with bureaucracy

#4: Homecoming is more hard work than honeymoon

#5: Kids are resilient – within limits

Click below for the narrative and the lessons-learned in printable PDF files. Also available is the entire package in a single file: