Physical Fitness Programs

Notice: Our company requires no further physical fitness programs.

Everyone gets enough exercise:
jumping to conclusions,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
dodging responsibility,
Passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
pulling strings,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
and pushing their luck!

More Office Jokes

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don't trouble any of the other employees".

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?"

The cannibals all shake their heads no.

After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals replies, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Supervisors and Project Managers and no one noticed anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"

Due to the Current financial situation, our Management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early). Personnel selected for RAPE can apply to our Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme(Special Help After Retirement). Personnel who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED Only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Personnel who have been RAPED can apply to the Vice President (Works) to get AIDS (Additional Income for Retired Personnel or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, personnel who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

Person staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives itsstaff. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring it to the attention of your manager. He has been trained to give you as much SHIT as you can handle.