Fighting style

In verbal, in-person disagreements where I believe I’m 110% correct, I like having the last word, like “fine”, “whatever” or “OK”. Simple and to the point, then walk away. It’s also immature, but…eh, it could be worse. To me, having the last word is like waving the last bagel in the entire world in front of someone on the Atkins diet. They know they shouldn’t have those carbs, but they just can’t resist — so they gobble it right up.

In heated battles via text messaging, email, even blog (whistles and looks around)form — silence is often louder and less is often more. One of my favorite tactics, however cruel it might seem, is to throw the burden of the argument right back onto the other person by sending a “Whatever you say” their way. Biting, I know. But also mysterious. They don’t know if you’re giving in or patronizing them. The result? You’ll notice this either causes the other person to keep talking, in efforts to further prove their case, whatever it may be (and you know what they say — give a person enough rope…) or — they have nothing to say back to that, thus giving youthe last word. Either way, you win.

Then, there’s the phone. I’m no good at phone phights. I either wind up constantly interrupting the other person or I’m super quiet and they don’t know if I’m even still on the line. Sometimes I’m not, because I’ve hung up. Don’t you hate when people hang up on you? You know they want you to call them back and the slate will be wiped clean with the new phone conversation. But no, don’t call them back, how rude of them to hang up on you. Don’t worry — most likely, they’ll call you back and try some excuse like, “I didn’t hang up on you…the call was dropped/I dropped the phone and it hung up/I accidentally hit the button with my cheek” because they know how rude hanging up was. Can you tell I’ve done this? I have — the cheek one is my favorite.

But — then there are times where I know I’m not 110% correct. I know I’m probably not even 50% right…so I admit it, because life is too short to argue blah blah, I know.

Whatever you say.

Amanda Talar

37 Responses

I always urge people to not start fights with me because I fight really dirty. I’ll go as far as bringing up someone’s darkest moment and making fun of it just to win an argument. In the end, even if i’m right, i still look wrong, but when I fight, it’s always “any means necessary.”

I don’t fight on the phone because i’m bad enough as it is on the telephone.

There really isn’t a fair way to fight when you are arguing. I’m the type of person who likes to get it all out on the table. If something is bothering you “get it out there”. Just a general question, is it just me? or does the opposite sex enjoy keeping a lid on potential arguments/problems to antagonize us/men? Just asking.

Come join us back in the real world, these tactics are perfect for high school bickering and low end communication exchanges. Stick to the facts, the facts speak for themselves. You are better than this…I am disappointed you would resort to such childish antics. There are no winners in this game you play…

Jonathan — “Stick to the facts, the facts speak for themselves.” That sounds like something a politician would say, not someone who is engaged in a passionate disagreement. I’d prefer not to argue, of course — but sometimes it happens.

Wait a sec, “where I believe I am 110% correct”, sounds like an objective, quantifiable, right vs. wrong situation. ie: void of a subjective based reasoning position and void of an emotional argument. “sounds like something a politician would say” or, perhaps, someone who graduated high school, and has moved on from those games. Your move…

Arguments begin when one party yells checkmate prematurely when the game is still on…;) seriously though…the only people who can truly hurt you are your friends and family, so make an effort to be the bigger high school student and let them win one kido…you both win then…draw? or did you win Amanda??

Verbal disagreements – I let the other person ramble on while I smirk, nod and then finally say, ‘Are you ok? You done now?’ and walk away.

Text disagreements – I turn my phone off and order another martini. When I finish, I turn my phone back on, read all 13 of their messages and respond, ‘Were you texting me? If so, resend because the only one I got was, ‘HELLLOOOO?’

Phone disagreements – I put the phone on mute and watch Backyardigans with my daughter until they finally hang up.

Personally, I find it rude when someone hangs up on me, and I could never to do that to someone either – but then again, my solution is just the opposite of you when it comes to defending my point. My philosophy is that I can’t change someone’s reaction/behavior on a point, I’m not going to waste my time debating it. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion and although I may not agree with them, I can appreciate that they have one.

I like Jonathan’s style. Amanda, I’ve always been quite the contrary sort of person. Sometimes I take the other side just to engage in the verbal battle.

There is no way I would argue with you. About anything. I would much rather support what I’d likely view as your delusion of reality and keep my distance, because arguing with you would be a waste of my energy. The #1 rule in fighting is that you must listen to the other party. You do not have to agree. You do not have to obey. But they get a chance to let their side out, too. That way, there’s a chance you’ll come out on the bottom instead of always on top. No one is always right, not even me.

When I used to fight with my girlfriend I would call out all of her logical fallacies. Nothing angered her more than me calling out her bulls**t–guilt by association, ad hominem, red herring, appeal to law, anecdotal evidence, etc.

Why fight dirty when you can fight smart and come off as a condescending ass in the process? 🙂

I like Goose’s style. I’ve been dragged into more arguments than I care to admit in my time. In the last few years, I’ve refined my style from “Argue first; ask questions later,” to “Were you saying something?”

My only exception is when I’m coming to the defense of a friend. Then I pull no punches…er, words. 😉

In fighting, I wish I was as good, quick on my feet with comebacks like the boyfriend is. He can fight dirty or push a button that antagonizes a person (I don’t admire that trait) but thinking so fast on his feet I wish I could do.

When I fight, I tend to just put on a calm face and listen to the ranting/raving. When they’re done, I just say calmly “are you done?” in an even tone voice. If I don’t raise my voice, I find it frustrates bullies all the more. But I do like to fight or speak up for my opinion in an even toned voice if possible.

Of course, the best part about fighting is the making up process afterwards 😉 Passion can go many ways

I have found in verbal disagreements the facts seem to hide, while passion, emotion and “just being right” seem to matter. Amanda while you use the final Right or Fine, or Whatever.. I use this.. Save the emotion for the bedroom and stick to the facts. To quote you… “Checkmate”

kvp — *Dials kvp back* Hi. Like I was saying, maybe for your 15 year-old, since you are the parent and they are the child. But, I’m an adult. If I say “Whatever”, “OK”, or “Fine” — it’s usually because I’m done with going back and forth, as it isn’t getting anywhere — but I don’t necessarily think I’m wrong.

The worst fighting style is the low ball lie. Once you become aware of lie they just begin to pile lie after lie on top it till it becomes disgusting. Usually I either walk away acting like I believe it or it gets compounded to the point where they are lying about a Death. They pull the sympathy card hoping that ends the fighting and anger.