Your Horoscope

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
As you concoct what you’re going to wear to your Halloween bash or costumed birthday party, consider dressing as the physical embodiment of your greatest weakness. Be your version of a giant Achilles’ Heel. Why expose yourself? Because even though your virile strength is inarguably sexy, that’s not the part of you that’s shining through this week. Like it or not, your frailties will be painfully obvious—why not flaunt them? If people will see you as a fragile and vulnerable autumn leaf anyway, why hide it? Autumn leaves aren’t just delicate; they’re beautiful, too.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Time is accelerating. I’m sure you’ve noticed how every year slips by a little quicker than the last, and whole weeks blend together into an indistinguishable blur. Don’t let it depress you, not when it could (and should) motivate you. There are ways to dig in your heels against the flow of time and get it to slow down for you, and to keep your months from melting away. One is to keep a journal of the monotony. Another is to end it altogether. How? Make it your deliberate intention, starting right now, to do something different and memorable every single day. Doesn’t have to be big. It’s easier (and more rewarding) than you think.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Never underestimate the value of The Little Things. Remembering to wear the shirt they bought for you the next time you see them, even if you hate it. Include the date and time on your roommate’s phone messages. It might not garner much outward appreciation, but rest assured you’re winning points nonetheless (good karma credit that could come in handy later). When you’re not sure how to communicate what you’re feeling, display how much you’re worth, or show off your practical genius, don’t get stuck trying to think up some grand, dramatic gesture. Little Things are enough.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You were always the kid least likely to practice kissing on your hand first, because your big sister’s friends taught you how before it had ever occurred to you to try. Your precociousness has gotten you into trouble and pleasure in equal measures, but it’s often hard to predict which one you’re headed for at any given moment. That uncertainty has sometimes caused you to pretend innocence where you had none, or ignorance where you already knew, just in case you’d be punished for your tendency to be a little…advanced. This week, that’s unnecessary. Since the person you’re dealing with is turned off by inexperience, and even more so by fake inexperience, don’t lie. When they ask how many times you’ve been around the block, tell them.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
So far, you’ve resisted sharing your clarity with others. Although you have a clearer picture of your convoluted inner tangle than ever, you’ve found that mostly clueing people into it just scares them. You’re a complicated person, and fully sharing that essential truth might not be your best bet (if you want a life, that is) all across the board. But for anyone truly attempting to navigate that dangerous maze, the road maps you can provide would be invaluable. Once you’ve figured out that someone is willing to negotiate the labyrinth, minotaurs and all, give them every map you’ve got. They’ll give you thanks, along with the severed head of your internal Medusa, later.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
How can someone as fearsomely intimidating and strong as you wither into such a delicate and spineless flower? More easily and quickly than the waxing and waning of the moon, apparently. Your inconsistency is breathtaking. Get it together. You have a duty to your fans, and can’t hide behind moodiness or excuses right now. All interested parties have purchased guides to your heart’s hot spots, like the Star Maps to celebrity homes for sale on Hollywood street corners. If you can’t pull your shit together for yourself, at least do it for your imminent guests. Ding-Dong! Oops, they’re here.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Where have you been? Your ability to fly under the radar is unparalleled, but it’s still disturbing when you so completely disappear for so long. Not to mention these hints of some heretofore-unprecedented abilities. Your keen social camouflage is well-documented, but replacing your notorious rigidity with newfound flexibility—nice move. What are you, the prodigal progeny of Mr. Plastic and The Invisible Woman? Well? Don’t just stand around while I congratulate you. Your arch-nemesis and his evil cronies haven’t figured out your new status. Knock them out of the picture for once and all—not by kicking their asses, but by befriending them, since you’re in a position to do so now. It’s kind of a stretch, but isn’t that your new specialty?

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
As the most heady of signs (if not always the most rational), you don’t usually have a sense of fatalism. That is, you believe that your conscious free will can keep you from basically becoming your parents. You think astrology is probably all bullshit and that ingenuity and logic (especially working together) can always triumph over emotional or physical obstacles. All of these things are true. Yet every one has an exception as well. Unfortunately, this week is ruled by the exceptions. No, you’re not going to turn into your Mom or Dad. But don’t panic when the things you knew as true turn out to only be mostly true.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
At first, you may be incredibly psyched to have so many people fighting for you. The support is undeniably a positive thing, but you might not feel so exhilarated by that aid when you see cousin Emily in the corner spitting and flailing, while Uncle Evan uses his nails and pulls hair. Not that all your allies are such pussies when it comes to sticking up for you. But since you’re not in a position to pick and choose who gets to help you and who doesn’t, you might be better off fighting your own battles this week, especially because you’re perfectly capable of resolving them on your own.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
It’s rumored that Catherine the Great died under a horse, while sating her sexual predilections. Elizabeth I is oft portrayed as an awful, frigid virgin. The powerful men of history don’t fare much better—we hear just as much about clothespins on penises and cross-dressing capers as we do about noble deeds. The point is, wielding power isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes, boldly doing so results in undue focus on your more human qualities, and not on the (presumably) good work you’re trying to do. To avoid tabloid-style controversy, it might serve your intentions better to quietly rule from behind the scenes instead of grandly flourishing your latest edicts.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Yeah, you’re successful, but are you happy? You’ve transformed nothing into something, wielding only determination and time. But still you feel a little unsettled. It’s because you’re deeper than that. You’re not all about making the money to spend the money to make the money. There’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s more, too. Your latest lessons have taught you that a job isn’t just about the paycheck, and your happiness is predicated on more then income. And now that you don’t have the pressure of basic survival needs holding you down, you’re free to concentrate on feeding other things besides your mouth, like your soul.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Call off the hounds. Tell your bodyguards to take a break. No one will be taking shots at you; therefore, you’re safe from bullets they’d theoretically leap in the way of. In fact, you’re so divinely charmed and safe from harm that to put up any defenses at all will only keep you from the good things you’re due. Take down the barbed wire. Disable the laser alarms. Keep in mind that no matter how many exterior fortifications you remove, you’re hardly helpless on your own. Trust your strength. The more naked and vulnerable you are this week, the better off you’ll be.