For spring next year, designers and fashion editors have a vision: Girly. You'll be seeing color, flowers, bias-cut dresses, short skirts, frilly skirts, etc. Femme is in, and the girlier the better. At least from the ankle up. As The New York Times's Eric Wilson points out, for their spring '08 fashions, designers paraded feminine confections with foowear that looked "aggressively fetishistic or worse."

At Balenciaga, the models' legs were caged in futuristic footwear made of metal plates laced up to the knees with braids. At Yves Saint Laurent, the soles of Mr. Pilati's needle-thin stilettos were replaced by a thin metal rod that connected the heel to the toe, leaving the most sensitive — some would say erotic — underbelly of the foot vulnerably exposed. The models looked as if they were walking a tightrope, and the audience was made to feel alternately fascinated and terrified.

Sounds comfy!

Just so we're clear: This spring it's going to be cool to look as girly as you possibly can, and then add a heaping portion of humiliation. Choosing pain, embarrassment, subjugation, and degradation? Hotttt! Plus, if the outfit says, "Come hither, I am an innocent flower," then the shoes seal the deal by making it impossible to run away. They should just write "Please date rape me" along the sides! The best part is that because of the focus on shoes, crafty designers are predicting an end to the "it bag." Paging all podiatrists: clear your calendars. We predict an influx of broken ankles when those McQueen clunkers (above) hit the streets.