25 April 2006

The First Ballad of Avril the Legionnaire

The people at People and E! MagazineThought they'd seen every celebrity sceneAnd knew all the fads that came with each seasonBut even the Enquirer was stumped for a reasonWhen Avril Lavigne joined the French Foreign Legion.

She made up her face, and kept her face plainAs she listened, aghast, to the recruiter explain:"There's been some mistake, Miss; you've read something wrong;We don't hire young girls, or need singers of songs.We train hard-core killers. You'd best run along."

Out lashed a tiny foot, high-arched and feyClad in three pounds of leather in deep shades of grayIt broke the man's jaw, it sprawled him out reeling.Avril said to the man (as he stared at the ceiling)"I've a penchant for violence, and find wet-work appealing."

"March or Die!" was her motto in those next desert daysAs she learned the hard lessons of a warrior's waysIn every assault, she was first through the door;In the long waits between, she was cool to the Corps."Lie back," she would say, "It's all been done before."