Back in the day,
when I sat down with Austin Tillerman, the boys and a
nice lady cowpoke name of Jody, what we got around to... after the implosion of
Reform and venom against Nader, the mess that followed, and the Trumpama-Blintush mess that followed that... was
how, basically, NAFTA only proved the point we warn't
no better off than Mexicans, politically. We’re onto the first anniversary of that
week’s Don
Jones Index comparing American
happiness with the UN’s surveyors – as updated their findings six months later –
by naming the happiest, bestest and worst countries
in the world, (how these United States clocked in wasn’t pretty.) America's Institutional Party, having two
wings, had given up any pretense of reform, let alone revolution, so the
Democrats had to be helped along on their collective task of withering away,
leaving that angry orange pimple called the Republican party to explode from
the center out, spewing its pus all over everywhere.

So we set about looking
at how to accomplish this, and wrote up these Ten Commandments for takin' back America.
From all of them!

Early on, a mangy
mob of monkeywrenchers, sneaky Greens, ex-Reforms,
ex-Laroachies and the such came knockin',
still covered with the ashes of Y2K and 911. Didn't exactly mix well
with our Michigan
and Texas militias...
let alone Colorado
and Kentucky mountain
folk. Letting cranks hang around provokes nothing but trouble! A'fore you know it: dozens of 'em sleeping in your
basement, in shifts, Attorney General on the box, calling your spread their
'compound'! Austin can have that demographic –
welcome to it! So we wrote up the First:
Keep the nuts at arms’ length! (As opposed to keeping your arms at nuts’-length!)

The first time A. G.
Goethals let me work on the Senator's campaign, I was just out of college, full
of myself, so Al gives me this timetable with, on the first Monday and Tuesday in
November, the initials GOTV. Being young and full of nomenklatural
sass and vigor, I said: "Mister Goethals, sir, I understand Monday night football
and such, but don't you think our money would be better spent over the weekend
than on Tuesday morning soaps?" Al took a long sigh, reminding himself as
we were the boob-tube generation, before patting my head and remarking: "Boy,
GOTV means gettin' out the vote, not goin' on the damn television!" Therefore, our
Commandment Two: keep amateurs out of
the smoke-filled room, as where the decidings get done!

Now abstractions are
all well and good, but voters like matters explained in terms of personalities,
so, in drafting a charter for the CNC, we've followed that tried and tested rule: choose unpopular enemies! Keep mobile: when the gay bridegroom
panics run out of vigor, mosey on to tranny toilets. Mexican rapists, birds and Unapissers.
If the Democratic party… even lacking a brain, a heart and backbone… was able
to take over Congress on that page-molestin' scuzzball from Florida, Lord knows... there's enough
bipartisan termitery to raise up a dozen new parties!
If'n it comes down to the party of oily Wall Street
job exportin' embezzlers agin'
that of America-hating trial lawyers as helped these California prisoners sue for gumment-paid tinfoil to wrap around
heads to keep the prison from broadcasting his thoughts over loudspeakers...
well, like them bumperstickers over in Kampala used
to say: "Dada Happens!"

Now Donkey-boys
an' Elephant-gals never tire of the either/or... if you're agin'
the greedy trial lawyers, you must be for corrupt insurance companies; don't
want Costa Ricans streaming into Costa Mesa, have to be for the war. Where it
comes to tackling either of two bad alternatives, why not the both? So our CommandamenteCuatro: find (or
make up) common grounds between two adversaries as are too proud to occupy themselves, pivot
your butts into the middle, squat over ‘em and declare
the war done with, problem solved pormoí!

On the other hand, the
Fifth Commandment, the one that the current incumbent has mastered, ispractice creative
inconsistency. Demand that backwoods death
sentences handed down by hanging judges be verified by the DNA, if applicable,
while standing agin' the liberal pro-criminal
nonsense by putting termination to what I call the Stupid Juror Laws. Whack a
partisan clown, now and again, so that voters won't lose all respect for you!
Occupy the center and periphery… the doughnut and the hole - work outwards from the former, inwards from the latter,
and always take the side of the common sense.

Number six: cannibalize rivals. Venerate martyrs ('cept for the Tim McVeigh,
David Koresh and Ramsey Tate sorts). Do a little historical scavengery
work, scoop up Democratic and trumped-up Republican trash as may become CNC
treasure. A whole squatload of Democrats went over
the wall after three straight wipeouts, but the ACLU and the Libertarians took
in Bob Barr and Dick Armey started hanging sheetrock for Habitat once the long
shadow of jail darkened over him. As the platforms of the big parties grow
increasingly rigid and chaotic, keep an eye open for potential defectors. Come
our convention, we'll parade a whole armada of Conks as have come to the true
religion, however late in life.

Once we've declared
a party, keep goin' door to door, signing up
memberships and fundraising (our side peddlin' Rayna’s Modes cosmetics, Austinsellin'
his American-made guns). Building up neighborhood watch committees as do good locally, so's to avoid the topheavy situation
as makes most new parties disappear, after awhile. Works over in Lebanon with the Hamas… or, is that
Hezbollah?… it’ll work here, too. When stepping up to the mid-level... Congress,
state legislators and offices below Governorships, some Mayors, maybe: pick off the easy targets. Politics
is full of sleazeballs as whom inhaled, ejaculated
and imbibed, the crooks and bullies, the stamp-stealers, military jet
hitchhikers and wastewater price-fixers. We had a safe Democratic and another
safe Republican district where the uncontested representatives got indicted after
their names couldn't be taken off the ballot - which is why there's a Green and a Libertarian in Congress. Those
other parties' arrogance will be the making of the CNC... anywhere there's a contest
of the "least unfit"... (as described by
Clinton-hater turned Bush-hater James Bovard)... there
ought to be catfish pointin' fins and sweepin' up on the bottom of the river.

Which brings up Commandment
Nine: smile, dammit, smile! Carter talked malaise, Reagan reminisced 'bout Jimmy Stewart and the
Hepburn gals. Reagan won. Junior Bush promoted "a conservatism with a
smile, not a conservatism with a frown," and, when terrorism struck, America sent
gloomy Pickle John Kerry to the woodshed, thence to a sentence as SecState,
butting heads with Iranian rug dealers. After that, same bulldada
with O-man and Palin providing the winks, McCain and Biden the nods! And, once they let you into the debates, don’t
interrupt the moderator!

Finally, be quick to
declare victory... even if of a moral sort... move on, and shrug off
disappointments as the rear-window outgrowth of people's prejudices against all
organizations as stand up against the system. Those Philippine tire deflation
cultists as swore "God's way of stopping bad deeds" was to let out
God's air before Y2K? Well... the judge laughed at 'em, but they'd responded
the world was still around because of those tires they'd icepicked!

Every day, in February
and March, the world tilts a bit closer to the sun... so little a body would
hardly notice it. But, one day... next April, maybe, or May in some places...
the clouds break, the sun comes out and flowers are busting open everywhere! Who'dathunk any one of those
little sunbeams in winter would've combined with others to bring about
springtime? Any new organization as jumps out the box gets a sort of honeymoon,
a springtime when maximum free and mostly favorable publicity becomes
available... when the Koch fueled and funded “Freedom” caucus splits off from The
Donald and runs its own candidate (Mike Pence?) when Pat Robertson and Ron Paul
huddle with Al Sharpton, Reverend Wright and Don King to birth two more new parties to peel voters off’n the Pubs an’ Rats like rotten wallpaper! Who'dathunkit that... that a few CNC members, working with their
neighbors to clean up the block, would go on to clean up their city, their
state, their America.

I'm fully enjoying this
springtime for the CNC... if only because I know how hot them DeeCee summers can get!

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