Assisted living choice is difficult but often necessary -- and fulfilling

HUNTSVILLE, AL. -- A leisurely parade of lovely ladies walked past in a fashion show. Some were in their Sunday finest, some merely dressed for whimsy.

The day before, in the same room, the same audience had feasted on a sampling from "A Taste of Huntsville." On another day, there would be massages offered.

It was all a part of the just-completed "National Assisted Living Week."

To see the smiles on lined faces, to hear the applause from wrinkled hands as the septuagenarian models walked past, I'm not sure it's assisted living as much as enhanced living.

Assisted Living Week, by coincidence, marked our family's first full week to be a part of the assisted living community.

It was one of the most difficult necessary decisions we'll ever have to make. It's one of the most difficult necessary decisions any family will make. Each year, nearly a quarter-million families must do so.

In the last week alone, I've seen two friends in the same process with their parents. Some 900,000 senior citizens are in assisted living facilities across the nation. By almost three-to-one, they're female. ( "Watch it, we're outnumbered in here," a male resident advised me as I went to the dining room one day.) The average age is nearly 87.

Assisted living facilities are in place "so Mom or Dad can have a better quality of life," says Kerri Grimes of HarborChase. "They still need their own life and you need your own life, and you know they're happy."

One of the trade-offs for the blessing of longer life expectancy we Baby Boomers see in our parents is that medical conditions may impact the ability to function safely and in the best of health.

"If there's a message, it's to people who cling to their homes and cling to their routines and they're not eating three meals a day, not bathing, not taking their medicine, not calling their families when they're sick," says Tammy Bowman of Brookdale Place at Jones Farm. "(In assisted living) they can live a healthier, long life. We can help meet their basic needs, but they'll still have freedom and independence."

Making the move stirs emotions you didn't expect.

Maybe it's the wistfulness of, at least figuratively, closing the door of a parent's home for the last time. Maybe it's the disconcerting notion that, yes, there is role reversal, and the child becomes the parental figure.

Maybe it's a feeling of grief, that the fresh, smiling face from family photos no longer has the same glow, and very likely is missing the partner standing by them in those photos.

It's a heartbreaking decision to make. But the assisted living community can make it easier. So can a good family structure. I'm blessed that my brother also lives here. He's handled far more than his share of responsibilities over the last few weeks.

It would be ranked as one of the year's great understatements to say that my mother hasn't been thrilled with the move. It's an adjustment to smaller quarters, new faces, new routine, a new city.

It's been a week with a lot of tears and anxiety.

It's also been a week of small victories, small improvements and great reassurance that soon her quality of life will be what we want for her.

Every day in this period of adjustment -- and we're told this is typical -- the family agonizes over how we handle various situations. We wonder if we're doing things right.

The assurance I have, as I sit holding my mother's tiny, wrinkled hand and watch the fashion show by her new neighbors, is that we've done the right thing.