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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

The Perfect Mother*

I met Supermom once.

It
was when my eldest was in preschool. I was already feeling pretty inadequate as a
traditional mom. All the other moms would bring something nutritious or
homemade for snack. When it was my turn, all I could usually manage was
chips.

(Once I
did manage to prepare something—peanut butter and crackers. Okay, I
didn’t bake anything, but I did take the time to spread peanut butter on
each cracker. Then I went upstairs for a few minutes. When I
came back, my preschooler was licking one of them. “Oh honey,” I said,
“those are for snack at school today.” “Don’t worry, Mommy,” she
replied. “I just licked a little bit from each one.” I could have cried.
I probably did. Then I went and bought some chips.)

At
Halloween, the moms and siblings were invited to the preschool party. I
was still applying my daughter’s make-up in the hall just before we
went in. My younger daughter and I were just wearing regular clothes. During
the party, I discovered I was sitting next to Supermom. I admired her
son’s alien costume, only to discover she had made it herself. Then it
gradually came out that she had also made the Little Bo Peep costume her
toddler was wearing and the full-length, matching costume she herself
was wearing.

I
was in awe. I realized that though we were sitting in the same room, we
were from different planets. I could not imagine having the time to
make three costumes from scratch. Granted, our family was going through a
particularly challenging time—we had just moved; my husband was
injured; as a result, I’d just taken a part-time job teaching my first
college course; and we had recently found out I was pregnant.

But even in the best of times I couldn’t do what she had done, since all I can sew are buttons and crooked hems.

If
I had had any doubts about her true identity as Supermom (which I
didn’t), they would have been obliterated by the postcard I received
from her in early December. On the front was an invitation to a
“Christmas Cookie Exchange Party”. On the back was an intro talking
about how this fun idea would save us time
during the hectic days leading up to Christmas. Then there was a list of
steps involved. I never read past Step One, which said, “Simply bake
nine dozen cookies….”

Although this wasn't likely to make me feel any more adequate as a mom, it was too incredible to incite tears; I just laughed. For days, in fact. I would say to myself, “Step one: Simply bake nine dozen cookies…” It was so simple! And even with four more steps after that, this would somehow make my Advent easier.

(I
think this must have struck even the other moms as not such a great
time-saver, as the party never actually happened, due to lack of
participants.)

Today
we celebrate not only New Year’s Day, but also the Solemnity of Mary,
Mother of God. We celebrate and thank her for saying Yes to God and
being the vessel through which the Savior was brought into our world.

Sometimes, though, Mary can seem as, or even more, formidable than Supermom.
After all, one of her titles is “Mother Most Perfect”. And the Church
teaches that she was sinless: that Gabriel’s greeting to her, “Hail,
full of grace,” indicates that unlike the rest of us, who could not
inherit the gift of divine grace lost by Adam and Eve, God gave Mary
that gift in advance, foreseeing the salvation that Jesus would win for her and us.

The
idea of a perfect mother can be off-putting. Why would we go to her for
help? Wouldn't she look down on us? How could she understand us or our
lives?

Being sinless, however, is not the same as never being tempted. Nor is it the
same as being incapable of sinning. (If that were the case, she wouldn't
have free will.) After all, Adam and Eve started out being full of
grace, and sinless. And when you think about it, they had it easier than
Mary. Everyone they knew (God and each other) until they met the
serpent was also sinless, whereas everyone Mary knew, until Jesus came
along, was a sinner.

C.S.
Lewis maintained that though Jesus was sinless, He knew more about
temptation than we do. We are tempted, and often struggle with
temptation, but we have all fallen. Only someone who never gave in to
temptation would really know what it’s like to struggle and keep on
struggling and never give in.

Besides,
if Mary were haughty and cold and disdained us fallen creatures, she
wouldn’t be perfect. Such pride would itself be a sin. No, a good mother
is understanding and patient and comforts her children. A perfect
mother would be all that and would advise, encourage, and help her children
better than we can imagine.

In
the Gospel of John, the author never refers to himself by name, but
always as “the beloved disciple.” Theologians say this is not only to
indicate his special relationship with Christ, but to give us an
opportunity to put ourselves in the story. Every disciple was and is
loved by Christ. Each of us is the beloved disciple. So
when Jesus from the cross said to the beloved disciple, “Behold your
mother”, He was also talking to you and to me. And like the beloved
disciple, we should welcome her into our home, into our hearts. What a
tremendous gift He’s given us—His own Mother, a perfect mother, who
understands us, loves us, prays for us.

Today
is a day to reflect on this great gift, and to thank Mary for all she’s
done for mankind and for each of us. It’s also a day for us moms to
think about how we can better imitate her. And for all of us to be
thankful to those who have mothered us in this life.

I think I’ll go call my mom now.

*This is a re-posting of my blog from Jan. 1, 2012, under the title "Mother Most Perfect."

About Me

I have an M.A. in literature from Catholic University and a B.A. in English and History from Franciscan University. A freelance writer and editor, I have copyedited Catholic books for over 25 years and written for Our Sunday Visitor Newsweekly, St. Austin Review, Franciscan Way, Catholic World Report, Voices, Faith and Family, and New Covenant.
My wonderful husband and I have six precious children.
I'm currently writing a book under contract with Ignatius Press, and thus not able to post here as often. Please keep me in your prayers!

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