Share 'I am fucked to be an athiest'

Hello world, i currently feel like shit.Literally,just like how i used to whine on the floor during my sujoods whining to the sadistic God of Abraham(aka God,Yahweh,Allah). But now i am thinking,was Allah that sadistic.
But what is the reason I am fucked. I am an atheist. In new york it feels like atheists are everywhere,but im a special atheist. I used to be an (extremely) devout Musilmah(fancy…