Sunday, December 25, 2016

American Hypocrisy Fuels Interdimensional Starship

Dateline: WATERLOO, ON—A team of scientists and engineers at the
Perimeter Institute in Waterloo, Ontario has invented a technique for
converting American leaders’ hypocrisy into fuel to power an interdimensional
starship.

Thorsten Dillydally, leader of the team of researchers, was
led to his hypothesis after sitting through press coverage of the Russian hacking
of the Democratic National Committee’s emails, which tilted the election
towards a Trump victory of the presidency in 2016.

“I noticed something strange about the coverage,” said
Professor Dillydally. “The hypocrisy was off the charts. I mean literally, I
pointed my chutzpah meter at the television and the meter blew up in my face.
It dawned on me that effrontery of that magnitude is scarily powerful. The
trick was to harness it for some greater good.”

The professor theorized that “ordinary hypocrisy occurs when
someone pretends, say, to have never smoked even though they’ve actually smoked
maybe a few times in their life. But what if someone has the gall to declare she’s
never, ever smoked even though she’s smoked literally a trillion times, has
cloned herself and forced the clones to smoke at all hours of the day, has in
fact twelve cigarettes dangling from her mouth at the very moment she says she’s
never smoked, and on top of all that she's the very inventor of the modern
cigarette and owner of all cigarette companies?

“When the ratio between what’s said and what’s factually so
is 1:1,000,000,000,000, the energy levels are potent indeed, meaning they’re cosmically
significant. That is, when you say you’ve never done something, but you’ve
actually done it at least a trillion times, there must be some untold form of
energy that could support such an awesome display. Or so we hypothesized.”

In the case of Russian meddling in the American election,
the professor set about reading something he called “books,” to confirm his suspicion
that important information was being left out of the corporate media reports of
the event.

“It turns out,” said the professor, “that while both
Democratic and Republican politicians as well as the pundits and Washington
press corps were busy playing the victims of Putin’s assault on their
democracy, the United States is the world champion in subverting elections. For
decades, the CIA and American Special Forces have spread disinformation and
orchestrated coups or assassinations in almost every country on Earth. From the stage-managing of foreign elections in client states, the bribery of foreign leaders, or the orchestrating of coups in the Philippines, Italy, Lebanon, Indonesia, Vietnam, Guyana, Japan, Nepal, Laos, Brazil, Guatemala, Bolivia, Chile, Portugal, Jamaica, Panama, Nicaragua, Haiti, Bulgaria, Albania, Russia, Mongolia, Bosnia, Iran, the Congo, Ecuador, Greece, and most other parts of the world; to Washington law firms’ support for
dictators in oppressing their people and marginalizing their opponents; to using
the NSA to spy on the EU, UN, World Bank, and IMF; to vitiating America's own
elections by gerrymandering, voter suppression, and demagoguery, no country’s
meager resume of covert activities comes close to the digest of America’s
accomplishments on the subject of subverting democracies.”

Indeed, researchers at the Perimeter Institute learned that
the American government wasn’t content with picking winners and losers just in
our present timeline, but funded a project for building a time machine so that
CIA operatives could travel to the distant past and to alternative realities to
spy on foreign human and alien leaders and to meddle with their countries’
elections.

Confirming that the Chutzpah Ratio of one-to-a-trillion held
in the case of the American political class’s response to the Russian hacking,
Professor Dillydally still lacked a technique for harnessing the awesome energies
he assumed could only have been responsible for such lopsided hypocrisy. While
watching the news coverage, the professor “noticed that the American officials who
feigned to be aghast that any country would stoop to such an unholy feat of
diabolism, to tamper with another country’s election, invariably cried as they
did so.”

Posing as janitors, the researchers collected samples of
those tears at press conferences, analyzed them under an electron microscope
and made their breakthrough discovery: swimming and thrashing amongst the
water, lipid, and other molecules were tens of billions of miniature
crocodiles.

“These ‘crocodile tears,’ as we’ve come to call them were the
key,” said the professor. “They’re like the singularity in a black hole, great
masses compressed to a tiny size, thus containing enormous potential energy
which we tapped to create our interdimensional fuel.”

The team’s starship is set to launch to realms unknown on
April Fools’ Day, 2020.

3 comments:

Excellent piece! This strikes right at the the Democrats. This is why I stopped voting years ago. Both sides have participated in so much corruption, how could they possibly demonize the other!? Every time I see anything about "Russian hacking," I laugh! Seriously!? Hacking some emails!? That's IT!? Wow! You're right, that IS chutzpah!

Thanks! I think, though, the hypocrisy on this is bipartisan, as they say, so I'm not sure it goes "right at the Democrats." The unbelievable chutzpah infects not just both American parties, but the whole class of political professionals in the US, including the pundits and corporate media figures who not only normalize Trump but still are charged with protecting the image of the US as an exceptional country with a manifest destiny to conquer the world in the name of Enlightenment liberalism. I don't think you'll ever hear an anchor on CNN or Fox News point out the above hypocrisy regarding the Russian interference with the US election (given that the US has done a trillion times worse), although you might hear it on MSNBC (which has a very small audience, I believe). You get an eerie sense we're living in the matrix, when there's this level of ignorance and hypocrisy. We're going to see a lot worse as the mainstream media are forced to take seriously Trump's bluster.

The hypocrisy is certainly bipartisan, but the Democrats are behaving in a very odd way. I really don't know what they hope to accomplish with some of these antics. They seem more harmful than helpful. Us peon's aren't privy to most of the backstage machinations, and are left to speculate about what's really going on.

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