The Yule Goat

The Yule Goat is an interesting individual, his history goes back to pre-Christian Scandinavia. In Finland his name is Joulupukki and in a nutshell he was basically a goat version of Santa Claus. He rides around in a sleigh pulled by reindeer, wears red clothes and hands out Christmas gifts. In some traditions he’s just a spirit that appears to ensure that Christmas preparations are in order.

These days in most regions he’s been replaced by Saint Nicholas but many people still incorporate him into Santa’s entourage, and the modern version of the Yule goat is a decorative ornament made out of straw and bound with red ribbons and it is placed below the Christmas Tree.

One notable straw goat is The Gävle goat, which is a gigantic straw Yule goat in Gavle Sweden. It has the distinction of being the largest Yule Goat, and it has become an unfortunate tradition for vandals to torch the goat every year or so, some goats don’t even last longer than six days before being destroyed. Burning the goat is an illegal act and it is not officially welcomed by the people of Gävle but it does draw tourists into town.

Yule be sorry!

There is even a Christmas song about the goat:

For highly informative articles on Christmas folklore follow the links:

Christmas Folklore, Legends and Traditions,

EL CAGANER!

I am going to kick off this series of posts with something off-color and mildly offensive to grab your attention and appeal to your lower self in order to get you hooked, so, El Caganer!

Joy to The World!

I lived in Spain for a time and I really loved many of their unique Christmas traditions; Three Kings Day, Turron, their elaborate Nativity scenes, and the guy taking a dump in the Nativity scene… Yes, there is a little guy called El Caganer (The Shitter) incorporated into all Nativity scenes, and sometimes if you’re lucky there’s a guy peeing as well but he’s not our focus.

The origins of the Caganer are lost but there are many different ideas about why he exists. All we really know is that he began showing up in Nativity scenes sometime in the 17oos. Some say he’s just there to entertain kids and perverts, others say he’s representative of everyone’s equality before God (because we all poop). But the most interesting explanation I’ve heard delves into some pretty strange old catholic superstition. The basic idea is that when you take communion and swallow that wafer, it goes through you body cleansing you of sin and once it has done it’s job you poop out pure sin! In addition to that, the reason that digestive fiber cookies are called Maria Cookies and are so popular in Europe is because Maria (Mary, Jesus’ Mother) works as an intercessory between you and Jesus just as the fiber cookie works as an intercessory in the sin digestion process...

Whatever the reason for having a man crapping in a Nativity scene celebrating the birth of Christ, the tradition is strong and pretty far-reaching. All over Spain, France and Italy you can find these guys. They have celebrity versions from Barack Obama to Charlie Brown, some are small and some are huge, but they all remind us what the true meaning of Christmas is… somehow.

For highly informative articles on Christmas folklore follow the links:

Like this:

Krampus!

I’ve got Krampus

Your own printable Krampus card!!!

Just as Santa differs in different regions so do his sidekicks. Krampus is basically a possessed, Satanic version of Black Peter and Rupert the Farm-hand. Krampus started as pre-Christian German figure and his legend spread to other alpine countries. Eventually he morphed into the guys we talked about before (Black Peter, Knecht Ruprecht) in some regions as he became incorporated into Christmas folklore. But he is still very much a part of the Christmas tradition in many places.

There are many variations of Krampus, but his basic form is that of a devilish, goat-like, beast. Long horns, cloven feet and covered with fur of varying colors.

Krampus is notoriously drunk and is said to reek of Schnapps and he likes to carry around a bundle of sticks to whip children with, and a tub or sack on his back so that he can more easily haul children off to be drowned, eaten or dragged to hell… I’m Not sure why this tradition never caught on in America.

Another Krampus-related tradition is to send out Krampus cards around the holidays. These cards usually depict Krampus shoving kids into baskets, pursuing large-breasted women or other strange sexual situations. Krampus is a real creep.

Gruss vom Krampus

Gruss vom Krampus!

Merry Krampusnacht little Hans!

We already covered Black Peter but there are other guys that like to hang around with Santa to psychologically torment and abuse naughty children…

Knecht Ruprecht

Ruprecht is another traditional German character. Roughly translated as Rupert the farm-hand. Rupert is basically Bizarro Santa; similar clothes but brown instead of red, long beard but it’s black instead of white, and he carries around a bag of ashes rather than toys. He gives some kids treats if they can prove to him that they are able to pray. But, if the kids are little heathens he beats them with his bag of ashes. He give bad kids crappy, useless gifts like coal, sticks and stones. So basically Santa has Rupert do all of his dirty work so he can bask in the glory of being the good guy. Apparently, Rupert can’t get a US Visa because Santa has to show his true colors and give out all the coal himself around these parts, and he seems to be pretty lax, that’s probably why kids are such spoiled brats here. We need more kids to be beaten with a bag of ashes…

Also, The Simpson’s dog is named Knecht Ruprecht in Germany rather than Santa’s little helper.

We live in strange times. Satire is dead, special interests must be appeased, and if you eat your pop-tart into the shape of a gun you are doomed. In my day, I whittled down the pointless hours of the school day drawing satirical and violent cartoons. I had no ill-intent towards anyone, I had no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone, for some reason blood and guts are hilarious to teenagers and the more outrageous the depiction the better.

On a recent visit to my parent’s house I came across a number of the aforementioned drawings from my days in 9th grade math class. Although crude in style and theme I am quite sure that if I were 14 year old middle school student in 2014 and a teacher caught a glimpse of any of these pictures I would be instantly expelled and possibly be submitted to psychological testing…

I do want to caution you 3 people who will look at this post to not strain your eyes by trying to read the horrific handwriting my 14 year-old self spilled onto this “art”.