Title: Things that hurt most
Anime: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairings: Roy/Maes
Rating: PG
Summary: After the Ishbalan War, no one was left unscarred by it, especially Roy, but he had Maes. But what if...

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. But i wish i did. And i still want to thank seaweedotter for giving me the idea and allowing me to use it. Thank you! This story is for you.

Roy had once again, sub-consciously stumbled into the room again. He stood before the place where the bodies of the doctors had previously lay, the bloodstain dark and prominent on the floor. All to clearly, he remembered how they had looked at him before he shot them, how he had held the gun, and pulled the trigger to watch their bodies jerk as the bullets tore mercilessly into them, how their life's blood slowly seeped out to form a crimson pool around them, their bodies already turning cold...

The guilt and the pain sliced through him even through his drunken state of mind, as the bottle he was drinking from fell from his numb fingers. If anything, he wanted to be far away, as far away from this pain as possible. An impulse seized him, and he scrabbled at his holster for his gun, but it was empty. It must be Maes. He either hid it or stole it from him when he wasn't looking, afraid that Roy would do something stupid left on his own, which Roy probably will. And a good thing too, Roy thought. Nowadays, the idea of having the cool barrel against his head and pulling the trigger was by far too tempting. If Maes hadn't hid his gun, he probably would have been dead already. He saw the room spin before his eyes, and fell sideways, putting out a hand to the wall to steady himself, and retched dryly. 'I..didn't want this to happen...' he sobbed dryly as he staggered out of the room.

/

As Maes walked through the corridor back to the room he and Roy shared, he couldn't help but think about the pitiful state that Roy was in nowadays. No one wanted to be in the Ishbal war, but none of them had a choice. He saw how his friend break, and he knew even if Roy ever recovered from this, he will never be the same Roy again. The Ishbal war had taken something from everyone, and no one was left unscarred. Reaching the door, he put a hand on the brass knob, hesistating. He was most worried for his friend, ever since he saw him standing over the dead doctors, gun smoking, clearly horrified and shaken by what he'd just done. Horrified. That was the exact word to describe Roy, when the truth and impact of what he had just done crashed down upon him, suffocating him, killing him. They were innocent and unarmed, and all they wanted to do was to help...Later, he had found Roy sitting on the edge of his bed, half undressed, eyes blank with a gun in his hand. He hadn't even noticed Maes' presence, and thank goodness that Maes was there. Roy had suddenly raised the gun to his head and Maes had knocked it out of his hands just in time as it went off. I can't take it anymore...Roy had told him.

Twisting the knob, he opened the door easily. By right it should be locked, but Maes was afraid of what Roy could do to himself alone in a locked room- no one will be able to save him in time then. Roy said that it was alright now, but Maes had his doubts. When he stepped into the dark, dimly lit room, he saw Roy on the ground, asleep, curled up, but his face was pale and he was breaking out in a cold sweat, a pained and anguished expression on his face, fists clenched, moaning something inaudible.

'Roy!!' Maes was by his side in an instant, then relaxed slightly when he realised his friend was merely asleep. But only slightly.

'Roy, wake up, Roy...' Maes shook the man's shoulder gently, noting privately that Roy was clammy to the touch. 'It's just a dream, Roy. Wake up!!' He shook him roughly, but Roy only whimpered a sound that turned Maes' blood cold. 'Please...no...it wasn't my fault...i didn't want...' Roy mumbled, begging. Maes knelt there, stunned, gritting his teeth in anger. the Roy he knew never begged, and neither did he whimpered. The Roy he knew was a proud and arrogant bastard, so sure and confident of himself...he was never weak. Never this weak. The war has gone too far, taken too much already. It was unfair, but did they have a choice? No. If he wasn't careful, it might claim his friend too. 'Roy!!' he started slapping his friend lightly on the face in an attempt to wake him, but when that didn't work, Maes reached over and got a glass of water from the cabinet and emptied it over Roy's face. 'Um....aargh!!' Roy sat bolt upright, gasping, shaking the water from his hair like a dog, looking angry, then saw Maes squatting beside him, empty glass in hand.

'Maes!!!' He yelled angrily. 'What was that all about!!!'

Maes didn't act up on that, but sat down on the floor next to Roy, setting the glass down with a clinking sound on the floor, then fixed Roy with a stern look.

'Tell me, Roy. Why did you lie to me? You said that you was getting better...that the nightmares weren't bothering you anymore. Why, Roy?' He asked gently.

Roy stared at him, his face an expression that Maes couldn't put a finger on, then slumped and the blank look returned to his eyes, as if all the strength has just gone out of him.

'I...it was horrible...' Roy finally confided. 'I kept dreaming of all those people...of all those i killed...they were coming back...to kill me, to blame...'

'So it's been getting worse.'

'It has,' Roy admitted, looking away. 'I can't stand it anymore, i can't take it!! It's too much for me...it wasn't supposed to turn out this way. This wasn't what i wanted!! I didn't want to...didn't want to...' Roy broke down, holding his head between his hands, and gave a dry sob. For he wanted, he wanted to cry, but tears just wouldn't come.

Maes studied his friend quietly, then patted him on a shoulder. 'I know, Roy, i know. No one wanted to do this at all, but no one has a choice...' 'I..' Roy looked up, and Maes was looking down at him from where he was standing, a hand extended towards him. Roy took it, and Maes pulled him to his feet. Roy stood up, and brushed the dust off his uniform, looking at the ground. He was tired, so tired. It was just so easy to give up, to give in...but...

He felt his hands being taken by someone and looked into Maes' eyes. Maes sighed, then gripped Roy's hands, which were still shaking tighter.

'Look here, Roy. Can you still remember what you set out to do? You joined the military to be Fuhrer, so you can put a stop to such things that are happening here. Remember what you see, remember what you feel, Roy. Remember them when you become fuhrer. Remember why you are here. Do you want to put a stop to these...problems that are raging on around us? Do you want to just give up like that, and this things will forever be continuing , never ending? If you really want to help, then you must bear it!!' Maes almost felt like shaking Roy to make him wake up. 'If you still want to help these people, then you must wake up!! You cannot just stand here and do nothing while the others go on!!! I remember you have a mission to accomplish, don't you? Didn't you tell me that you were prepared for anything that come your way then? What happened to that promise? What will happen to that mission you so wanted to accomplish? You can't just stay immobile like this, you have to move on!!'

Roy looked away, frowning. 'Look, i know it hurts, Roy,' Maes continued, but in a much softer tone. 'It hurts me too, but if it is the only way i can get what i want done, it's the only thing i can do. This is only what i can do for you- to stand by your side and to remind you whenever you strayed off the path. there's nothing else more, but if things get to bad, there's always me...'

'I know, Maes...i know that it must be done...it's just that...' Roy smiled weakly, and passed a hand over his eyes. 'Oh...i can't be weak like this..and i thought i was incapable of crying...'

'Anything, Roy. I'll always be here for you if ever you need me. If i need to go to extremem methods of making you wake up, i will. For now, though, i guess it's okay to slack off for a minute.'

Roy broke the embrace and smiled, though the tired lines in his face remained. 'Including me getting a faceful of water from you?'

'If that's what it takes, Roy. Anything to make you realise. Because i'm always here for you, no matter what.'

Roy smiled, and throwing an arm around his friend, walked him out of the room, and began to talk about things that they will do when he became Fuhrer. Little did he realise then how serious and heavy Maes' words had been.

Anything to make you realise, Roy. If that's what it takes...i will...

Writer's note: This is section a of the fanfic. There's still a lot more ( the sequels ). Great friendship, don't you think? SOOO SWEET!!! AAHH! Pity Maes died. And excuse, there is no love included here -.- If you think there is, i suggest you go see a doctor...-.-''