Comments on: Minimalism, Frugality, and Confrontationhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/
Financial talk for the rest of usSat, 27 Aug 2016 22:24:42 +0000hourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.6.1By: Janie Riddlehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921982
Sun, 22 Aug 2010 12:31:15 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921982We have lots of stuff and are in the process of downsizing. We have had reason to have no TV, eat differently, and live differently to survive at times. I have found people who critized sometimes were people who had had to do without as younger people and did not want to do without now. I enjoy your post. We are still working on money control issues and probably always will. It cost between 400 and 500 dollars out of pocket for my medical expenses. Keep on learning and sharing.
]]>By: Maryhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921808
Fri, 20 Aug 2010 18:47:34 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921808What a great article–just because my choices lead to a different lifestlye than my friends doesn’t mean that judgment should pass either way. And yet people do seem to want to justify their choices, often by putting down those of others.
]]>By: TJPhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921335
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 22:36:12 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921335I’m a pretty frugal/minimalist person and I would probably have about 20 of the things she listed if I wasn’t currently enrolled in college. My friends think I’m crazy because of my minimalist approach to life, yet I am still shocked by a few certain things I read other minimalist doing. Would any of you mind giving me a well though out responses to the following questions?

1. How do you live without a washer/dryer? I live in a semi-rural area so if I didn’t own one I’d have to wash my clothes in a pond or something.

2. How do you live without air conditioning? Is it due to your local climate? I live along the gulf coast and without AC I would probably die from the damn combination of humidity + heat. That humidity is a killer. I find I’m pretty frugal by keeping the AC on 78 during these god forsaken summers.

3. Why would someone reading these blogs be offended enough to email the writer? Seriously, if frugality angers someone that much why bother reading blogs that advocate it constantly. This makes no sense to me.

]]>By: micahhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921292
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 17:29:19 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921292Who cares? I minimize my entire life, including what other people think. So, I don’t care.
]]>By: vsheehanhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921272
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 15:34:40 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921272Trent Hamm
sorry to go off topic. Any chance you would do an article on how to live simply when your kid is on the Autism spectrum and has digestive issues? We never were able to save because we paid out of pocket for our sons medical and therapy needs. I have never owned much instead our paycheck went to our son’s extra needs.I never owned a TV wont pay for cable only internet lowest electric bill in the neighborhood excreta but we live pay check to paycheck. After our recent need to start over because of a change in salary we had to dump all therapies even though they worked. One thing we still do is make sure our son has access to foods he can eat with out Digestion issues. His diet is Wheat, corn, and dairy free. We have to do a rotational diet as our son started getting asthma after 1 year of a rice based diet so we had to incorporate other starches. Right now I pay more for our son’s food needs then electricity(therm at 85). How can you meet a kid with medical needs and live frugal? Would love to have some money in the bank for him when we are not around to help him anymore.
Thank you in advance for your time.
]]>By: RWGhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921255
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:55:15 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921255PS Sorry about the spelling errors. In a bit of a hurry today. –rwg
]]>By: RWGhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921254
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:45:22 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921254I read the “100 things” post after reading about it on The Simple Dollar. I enjoy TSD and other frugality/moneysaving websites and find their insights helpful even though I don’t agree with everything i see here. I read the 100 Things post because I was planning to buy the “Joy of Less” book and wanted to get an idea of what i could expect.

My gut response to the 100 things was very negative. The list of 100 things she and her husband live without seemed to describe a lifestyle that was unrealistic and without pleasure; and also suggested spending money rather than doing things at home.

I was surprised to see that there were dozens of comments posted and all were favorable. I posted a comment that was critical of her post but not mean.

I did not pick up on any sort of humorous/tongue-in-cheek mode in her post. Rather, it came across as having a “let them eat cake” sort of attitude regarding what other people can and cannot live without. Her reasoning behind why she doesn’t own some of the items she listed implied that the lifestyle she and her spouse have adopted is superior to those of us who have not gone that route.

While I did not specifically address her flippant tone in my post, I did say that I found her post to depict a life that sounded somewhat anorexic and joyless, and discussed the “usefulness” of items like a few pictures in frames of people I love, or the dining room table for having people over to share a meal. I like having a couch because I like my visitors to have somewhere they can sit. I also like sitting on it to read. I have running shoes because I walk almost every day for exercise. I don’t have yoga gear or hiking boots like she does because I don’t do those activities, so I guess those things could go on my list if i were to make one, but it would be disingenuous of me to list them.

I ended my post by saying that despite this post I planned to investigate her book further and that I have a long way to go in my frugal/minimal lifestyle and that I still plan to get her book. (at that time, that WAS my plan.) Not exactly a mean or negative comment, just a different approach to her post.

Around the same time that my comment was posted, (under my name “Robin”) a handful of other comments were posted that also took a different stance than hers. These comments all seemed to be in the general spirit of a debate among readers with differing points of view.

Imagine my surprise when the next day, when I looked back at her blog, she had removed the post due to what she perceived as a firestorm of criticism.

At that time, the blog itself was gone but the comments were still there so I read them all again, searching for the mean-spirited remarks she referenced. I found none.

I am a freelance writer myself. As such, when I publish an essay, whether in print or online, I am sharing my thoughts and ideas with the entire spectrum of the public, not just those who agree with my point of view.

As a writer, the greatest reward that I receive for my work is NOT the money I’m paid to write it. Usually the paychecks are small. The greatest reward I receive is that people actually read what I have written.

When they then take the time to respond to my writing, regardless of whether they agree or not, that is even more of an honor.

I have struck up interesting and fulfilling friendships with readers who have sent in letters to the editor to challenge my points in some of my writing. We still don’t agree, but we respect and enjoy each other nonetheless.

Miss Minimalist was willing to leave the post online as long as the readers told her how wonderful it was. Only when the comments turned critical (NOT negative) did she get defensive and pull it off the web.

Interestingly, none of the favorable posters mentioned that they thought the post was funny, indicating that the intended humor of it went over everyone’s head, not just those of us who disagreed with her.

I hope Miss Minimalist will reconsider her decision to pull her comment. I think all her readers can learn from what others wrote. Alas, I doubt that I’ll buy her book now, as I detect a spirit of closeminded-ness in her, based on this reaction.

]]>By: Adam Shttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921253
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 13:29:32 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921253regarding:
In my own experience (and I have plenty of stuff!) as a person who doesn’t have a TV, I find that when someone says “did you see X” and I simply reply, “no, sorry, I don’t have a TV” – there is often a very defensive reaction, and a long rationalizing response, ie, “I only watch PBS! There’s a lot of good stuff, etc etc.” What’s that about?

—————–
You are severely over-analyzing the problem. People aren’t being defensive because you aren’t “normal.” (and I would argue that there is nothing abnormal about not having a TV…)

The problem is that when someone asks if you watched Survivor, they are searching for something to talk about. Something to have in common, something to make time pass and feel like they have made some type of connection from someone.

In short, you could have just answered the question. The answer to, “did you watch survivor?” is “NO.” When you say “No, I don’t have a TV” you are drawing the conversation back to yourself. But the person asking didn’t want to talk about you or your habits, they just wanted to talk about the goings-on of others in a TV show.

Unfortunately, we “Survivor” watchers have no one to talk to about the show anymore. If the answer isn’t, “No, I hate reality TV” or, “No, Survivor is so ten years ago,” than the answer is “No, I don’t have a TV.” We don’t care if you don’t like reality TV, or if you like other reality TV, or if you don’t have a TV, or if you have ten cats. We just wanted to talk about survivor!

]]>By: Jolesshttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921245
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 10:58:44 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921245I think people are suspicious of the motives of anyone who does anything a little differently. I found this recently when I dropped my working hours down to 4 days a week for no particular reason (no kids etc) other than I just want a better work/life balance. Instead of being happy for me, some people were very confused or untrusting about why I wanted to do that, or how I could afford to do it, or why my employers would consider letting me (I just asked and they said ‘why not’). Very odd and not what I expected at all.
]]>By: anonymoushttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921244
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 10:36:14 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921244Re: I didn’t see it, I don’t have a TV

I think that people become defensive because by saying “I don’t have a TV” you are saying: “I don’t value watching TV, which is why I don’t have a TV, which is why I haven’t seen that program or any other program you might ask me about.” You are doing it to help explain why you haven’t seen that program, but by saying that, you indicate that you have made a value judgment in your life that is different than the judgment someone else has made in his/her life, and that makes people feel defensive. You drew attention to the difference between you, which implies to other people that you are indeed judging them for the fact that they own a TV and use it.

There is no need to say “I don’t have a TV” in response to “did you see …?” Just say “no, I didn’t happen to see that” and leave it alone.

I don’t find it odd at all that the other person gets upset when you see the situation from this perspective.

]]>By: MIkehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921236
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:24:11 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921236The reason people react negatively for the most part is because many of the people who have given up TV, meat, materialism, etc. adopt a ‘holier than thou’ attitude. TV is a great example, you run into people all the time who say ‘I don’t OWN a TV, I haven’t watched it for years’ and give you a sneer like you are somehow less than them because you still feel the need to watch the ‘idiot box’.

I’m not saying that you do this at all, but it’s almost 100% of the reason that people give this reaction, they’ve been burned by elitist snobs one time too many. Someone said basically the same thing about how they are a Vegan and are sometimes hesitant to tell people because they know of Vegans who like to preach and act superior. It’s not insecurity on our part, it’s us getting tired of the BS.

]]>By: Danielhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921234
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 03:48:06 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921234People who write Open Source software and give it away also get a similar reaction: “What! You gave it away? You should be selling it!”

When I tell people I don’t lie to people, even at great inconvenience to myself, even if my girlfriend (when I have one) asks me if the dress looks good on her, people have a similar anger reaction.

I think a good explanation is an effect I read about that I can no longer remember the name of (someone please let me know if you find it); the effect is that if you (I’m paraphrasing) “punch a hole in someone’s worldview they become enraged and consider it justified and necessary to hurt you”.

]]>By: Codyhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921232
Mon, 16 Aug 2010 01:59:26 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921232I get the same type of defensive attitude from people when I tell them I don’t drink and I don’t even justify it with religion. Some people can’t get their heads around others who do anti-establishment things based on principle and some even get offended as this article points out. Screw all of ’em if they can’t take a joke.
]]>By: terri suehttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921176
Sun, 15 Aug 2010 01:27:06 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921176i just found tsd recently and was thrilled. right now my husband and i are de-stuffing our house. we’ve lived here for seven years and seven years ago it was easy to maintain and clean. now it is not and it is because of all of the stuff that has come to live with us since we moved in. mostly it has been my fault. i am bi-polar. contrary to most bi-polars who go on mad buying sprees when they are manic, i go on them when i am depressed. i think if i just buy something i’ll feel better. it doesn’t work but for a short time and so i buy more and more. well no longer because i have bought us into serious financial trouble. my psychologist of 12 years died of liver cancer 5 years ago. i have found a new psychologist two months ago and we really started making breakthroughs two weeks ago i’m beginning to feel stronger now. i have serious physical medical problems and am now content to just stay home take care of the house, my husband, and do part-time babysitting of my granddaughter. we did well until i had a nervous breakdown in 1993. we did live minimally. my husband and i have been vegetarians for 29 years. we’ve never had cable and don’t watch t.v. even though my husband worked for a t.v. station for 25 years when they laid him off two years ago. we use our t.v. to watch movies when we want to. we do watch t.v. when there is extremely bad weather. i’ve had friend ask me how we can without cable or a dish. they are usually quite surprised that a person can still use an antenna. ours is in our attic pointed perfectly by my ex-t.v. worker husband. there is not a baking mix in the house. i make everything from scratch except pasta and canned goods. we used to buy canned legumes for the convenience along with dried for certain recipes. now i buy only dried, cook them up and package them in one pound amounts to stick in the freezer. the only difference is i have to remember to get them out in time to thaw. this afternoon my husband took apart our audio amplifier as it had quit working. we certainly didn’t have the money to go buy one but even if we had this is the way my husband has always handled things. after much looking and testing he found that all that was wrong with it was two blown fuses. $1.92 at home depot plus he gave it a good cleaning. thats one less thing in the land fill. when our children were little we used to sing an old shaker song together with them as we would skip around in a circle.
tis a gift to be simple
tis a gift to be free
tis a gift to come down where you ought to be
and when you find yourself in the place just right
it will be in the valley of love and delight
when true simplicity is gained
to bough and to bend we will not be ashamed
to turn, turn it will be our delight
till by turning, turning we come round right

that’s my goal. that’s where i’m heading back. the simple dollar has been a big help with my goals. thank you, trent. i appreciate everything you write. also thank you for the bean cooking times you sent out this last week. i had them in books, but now i’ve just got them up on the cupboard door… so much easier!

When the reply to “did you see x” is “no, I don’t have a TV,” it is a direct challenge to someone’s values. A simple reply is “No.”

Your reply is complex because it says both “no” and “I didn’t watch it because my value system is superior to yours because I need to state I don’t own a TV in response to questions about activities involving TV.”

In other words, you’re being self-righteous.

]]>By: Landonhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921167
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 22:09:43 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921167I just had a similar confrontation with a friend of mine after I showed him my blog. I even wrote a blog post responding to his criticisms (see the entry entitled ‘Point-Counterpoint: Frugality is Misery’.

The problem is close-mindedness in my opinion. How can you criticise a minimalist lifestyle if you’ve never tried it? And just because *you* can’t fathom a life without an addiction to “buying stuff” doesn’t mean that others can find joy and satisfaction without that addiction.

]]>By: Smarmy Marmy Hahahttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921146
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:35:11 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921146http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/
The longer I’ve been on the internet the more true that becomes ~_~
]]>By: Brittanyhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921145
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:26:11 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921145I think “unthaw” is a rural Midwest thing. I use it all the time and my city friends and coastal friends mock me mercilessly.
]]>By: littlepitcherhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921142
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:12:15 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921142@KC–Lived the life. I still give ’em the quote from “A Hard Day’s Night” about “a Bewk?” when I am harangued about reading. Pop culture does have its uses.
Also from small towns–the idiom about “making a killing” is very real where small-town police departments are understaffed and corrupt. The folks who can kill you, bury you under the gravel driveway, forge your signature on a property transfer, and move into your house lock, stock, and barrel really don’t like minimalism at all. Nor do auctioneers, flea marketers, or whole-house burglars. Folks who ridicule your minimalism are not your friends, no matter what they may call themselves.
]]>By: Geekayhttp://www.thesimpledollar.com/minimalism-frugality-and-confrontation/#comment-921138
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:01:16 +0000http://www.thesimpledollar.com/?p=5798#comment-921138Weird. I wonder why my previous comments never came up.

Anyway, I can understand people’s irritation if someone comes across as snooty or superior. It doesn’t matter how comfortable I am in my own lifestyle, I would still find that kind of attitude annoying.