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Language learning strategies

I am not a native speaker of English and I was wondering if you could help me...
I wanted to start my work like this but I'm not sure if this is correct. I would greatly appreciate your comments on the sentence below.

"As the world becomes smaller, and business is conducted globally and individuals travel more and more, the study of foreign languages is increasing. But what makes some learners successful and others not so successful? "

Re: Language learning strategies

Originally Posted by goliwka

I am not a native speaker of English and I was wondering if you could help me...
I wanted to start my work like this but I'm not sure if this is correct. I would greatly appreciate your comments on the sentence below.

"As the world becomes smaller, and business is conducted globally and individuals travel more and more, the study of foreign languages is increasing. But what makes some learners successful and others not so successful? "

Re: Language learning strategies

Originally Posted by goliwka

I am not a native speaker of English and I was wondering if you could help me...
I wanted to start my work like this but I'm not sure if this is correct. I would greatly appreciate your comments on the sentence below.

"As the world becomes smaller, and business is conducted globally and individuals travel more and more, the study of foreign languages is increasing. But what makes some learners successful and others not so successful? "

I think this is a good sentence. My only amendment would be to remove the first "and" (as I have done above). You are stating three things:
1) The world becoming smaller
2) Business being conducted globally
3) Individuals travelling more and more