Lick the cheese…

Lola walked up to me today and handed me her list of New Year Resolutions. After reading through it I decided she needed help with what a resolution is. She had handed me a list of life goals. No way could one bulldog achieve her list in a single year. But she’s going to try. And I’m going to laugh at her.

My List of Stuff to do Next Year (Note to self: determine what a year is.)

-When I see a squirrel, stop foaming at the mouth and move my legs faster. All squirrels must die in 2014.

-When cheese is purchased, do not even allow it to make it to the refrigerator. Trip the President and eat the cheese before it touches the ground. Don’t worry about the wrappers, you’ll poop it out, I’m sure of it.

-When Daddybeast is present, make sure to lie directly on him to ensure hypothermia does not set in. Summertime is a particularly pressing time for hypothermia and Daddybeast will desire more cuddles.

-Eat enough cheese in one sitting to get a bellyache.

-Take better care in monitoring the President while going potty. If she’s not screeching and shutting the door, you’re probably doing it wrong.

-Eat cheese until my poop changes to yellow.

-When the Littles poke me in the face I will turn the other cheek. Literally. Hit them with my ass and watch them weeble wobble and fall down.

-Then eat their cheese while they are crying because I knocked them down.

-Eat food faster. The President only had to give CPR three times this year. Unacceptable. After every CPR administration you get cheese. Goal: get more cheese.