The man seemed “fucked up on some kind of drug,” loose-limbed and sloppy. Some young men sitting next to him began making fun of him. One of the dudes took out his phone to snap a selfie with the older guy. At that point, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a massive dildo.

What the fuck, New York? Spiderman isn’t going to be able to help you with this one. No, there’s only on me that can help you now. It’s Dildo Man: