To me - that looks normal. It doesn't look thin at all, and the color is fine.

I have hemmie from giving birth and for months and months after I had my daughter I would poop and then look in the toilet and it would just be red. It was terrifying and the Dr did a rectal exam and saw the hemmies. I had such a big one from pushing that although it shrunk it left a tag that would get broken open when I had a harder stool. I started using witch hazel pads after every BM and they have cleared up for the most part.

Have you had a Fecal Occult Test - where they test for blood in the stool and not just on the outside?

I have never had a true fecal occult test. My GP did. Digital recital exam and then rubbed her finger on the occult card and that was negative but I don't think that's an accurate way to do it. I was upset when I saw the Gastro too because I was hoping she would do the simple anoscopy to look into side the rectum and see internal hems. That would have relaxed me so much. I can see my hems while sitting on the toilet and using a mirror and light but having a doctor also look and agree would make me feel so much better and would have made my upcoming scope so much more relaxing. She didn't even proform a DRE??? Come on now seriously? She is a Gastro. She was very nice though so that's why I am sticking with her. What was your hemorrhoid bleeding like? How long did it last? Mine is very intermittent and very light. Only time it was "heavy" was with bad dirreah from a stomach bug. It was in the toilet around the stool and on my Tp. Super bright red and extreme burning pain.

I have never had a true fecal occult test. My GP did. Digital recital exam and then rubbed her finger on the occult card and that was negative but I don't think that's an accurate way to do it. I was upset when I saw the Gastro too because I was hoping she would do the simple anoscopy to look into side the rectum and see internal hems.

Hon, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but unless you truly think the doctor is not doing their job properly, unless you have extensive knowledge of medical practices yourself that allows you to make educated observations about the accuracy of certain tests, then your misgivings are most likely due to your anxiety than any basis in fact.

I am not saying medical professionals should never be questioned - quite the contrary - but unless you have real reason to believe they are not performing their duties correctly, trust that they know what they are doing.

If you really truly have misgivings about their practises that won't go away, change to another doctor or get a second opinion; but even if there are tests that are not performed, it still doesn't mean you have a terrible disease lurking undiscovered in the darkness.

Look into getting therapy for your HA. That is of the utmost importance right now.

Lindsay…you are in a really bad place right now. You need to treat your anxiety. The extremes you're going to are not normal behavior. The constant checking and rechecking and using mirrors and flashlights is not doing you any good.

Lindsay…you are in a really bad place right now. You need to treat your anxiety. The extremes you're going to are not normal behavior. The constant checking and rechecking and using mirrors and flashlights is not doing you any good.

I agree. Please get help your fears, hon. That's the real problem here. We know what it's like as we've all been there, some to further degrees than others, but this is clearly taking over your life and you need to get professional help.

Thanks for your honesty and I know I need Leo from a therapist . There are 2 things holding me back. One I have 4 young children and its hard to find child are and two its hard exposing my extreme health anxiety and C word phobia. It's irrational and hard to talk about. I hide it well. I cry a lot by in private like while taking a bath or driving. My mother and grandmother also suffered from anxiety at a younger age. My mom was on Xanax once and then Zoloft. There is a long line of family histor. I am going to make an effort to get a hold if this.

Lindsay I just saw the pic your stool looks completely normal, it looks like a healthy bowel movement. Move in a different direction with this I think you need to get your ha fears under control immediately. Not trusting your doctors is classis health anxiety. I know its hard to find time with the kids but you need to make time for this.

He's right, Lindsay, you deserve to be happy and healthy of mind, and your children wouldn't want you to go through this. Whenever you can find childcare, take the opportunity to seek help.

I know it's hard to talk about, but remember - therapists have seen EVERYTHING. There's little that will shock or bewilder them. They deal with all kinds of mental health issues everyday. Health anxiety employs the same nasty tricks as anorexia and BDD in that it tricks us into seeing problems with our bodies that aren't there. While the former relate to obsession with physical appearance, HA applies the same obsessive thought patterns to health instead, so a therapist is not going to be weirded out by your HA, nor will they judge you. :) If a therapist reacts badly to your HA or is less than sympathetic, find a new one pronto, as they are not doing their proper job.

Besides, that whole thing about 'a problem shared is a problem halved'? SO true. :) Talking about it can take some of the fear away. We keep our fear bottled up inside and don't talk about it to anyone, so it becomes this big crazy thing in our heads. Talking it through will give you some perspective.

Don't be me - don't wait. I suffered from the time I was a child until I was 36. My life was miserable. I was like you, I could hide it pretty well and was scared to death to talk about it. I kept it hidden all of the time.

I finally went to my family Dr who put me on an antidepressant but wouldn't renew it unless I also saw a psychologist. Best thing ever from a Dr. I can now manage my anxiety well and live most days without fear. That means I enjoy life!!!!

Thanks so much for all the great inspiring words. It truly helps but I am still a complete mess about my upcoming sigmoidoscopy. I can't put into words the feeling I have. Eats so bad about my HA is that I will often google other medical conditions it illness to take my mind off my fear. For example today I googled cervical cancer in tur 20s jut as I have googled colon cancer in your 20s alma or daily for a year. I don't know why I do it. It honestly scare me more because there was an overwhelming amount of young women with cervical cancer so I started getting nervous about the "what ifs" there. My problem with HA is none one can promise me I won't get a bad medical illness. There is no doctor or therapist who can assure me it won't happen. And for that reason I think it will be a part of my life forever.

First things first - STOP googling. Promise yourself you will never google symptoms or illness again, okay? It does NOT help, it will only fuel your fears and make yourself feel worse. If you only make one choice today, please let it be: I will never google illness or symptoms again.

In fact, the golden rule of most people on here is: NEVER google the symptoms. The worst, most scariest thing is bound to be top of the list.

One of the things I tell myself when I feel like 'oh, there's no guarantee I won't be ill one day', is that if I ever do get ill, I will deal with it. I will have no choice but to deal with it. Yes it's awful and scary but we would all, eventually, deal with it.

So please don't tell yourself that talking to a therapist won't help. As I say, HA is a form of OCD, only it's your thoughts that are obsessive rather than your actions. Please, please talk to someone about it!

Thanks so much for all the great inspiring words. It truly helps but I am still a complete mess about my upcoming sigmoidoscopy. I can't put into words the feeling I have. Eats so bad about my HA is that I will often google other medical conditions it illness to take my mind off my fear. For example today I googled cervical cancer in tur 20s jut as I have googled colon cancer in your 20s alma or daily for a year. I don't know why I do it. It honestly scare me more because there was an overwhelming amount of young women with cervical cancer so I started getting nervous about the "what ifs" there. My problem with HA is none one can promise me I won't get a bad medical illness. There is no doctor or therapist who can assure me it won't happen. And for that reason I think it will be a part of my life forever.

Yes, it will be a part of your life forever. It is of mine, the difference is that I live each day with joy and not with fear.

When I was growing up one of the things I would fear most was that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. I would be riding my bike and thoughts of never being able to get pregnant would come out of nowhere. It plagued. When we decided it was time to start a family…guess what? My worst fears came true. I lived through them, treated the infertility and now have a beautiful daughter to show for it.

You have a choice…you can spend your days locked in an endless loop of fears and goggling or you can get treatment and live life again.