I guess I have something big to confess. I just wish I didn't have to even confess it, that I could keep it bottled up forever and keep the love I have, in order to jeopardize nothing but my pride. But I'm going to have to put it all on the table, I suppose. Play the hand of cards that of which I have been delt. This entry isn't to please anyone, this is to confess to Marshall, and no one else. I don't really want comments and I don't want anyone except Heather, Marshall, or anyone else close to even ask me about.

The keyboard's getting blurry. I guess these are all the tears and the guilt I've been holding back as long as possible. I still love nick_bomar. There's no real hiding it anymore, and its something I'm halfway trying to move on from before I end up screwing with the relationship I have that has made me so happy since January, 1st.

I'm not saying that I don't want to be with Marshall, I do. My world revolves around him and every day I wake up thinking of him and go to sleep with him as my last thoughts. I'm looking at a picture of him right now, and it hurts so much just to think that by letting this go I might be losing him. It might be the last night I get to call him mine, so I better enjoy it.

Marshall, I love you more than life itself. I don't want to lose you because of attachments to other people..

But.. I understand that with this post I'm handing you whats left of my heart and asking you to forgive me. If you don't want to be with me anymore, I understand that too.. I just don't want to lose you, and I want to be with you forever.. please forgive me.