Is Ikea pro-Israel or pro-Palestinian?

From Lisa Goldman on Twitter yesterday, I learned that IkeaÂ was not delivering furniture to Arab towns in the West Bank while continuing its delivery services in the Jewish settlements. Â However, there is also Ikea in Wahabi anti-Semitic Saudi Arabia. This prompted me to ask myself, is Ikea furthering the Â Zionist apartheid agenda? Or is Ikea simply paying lipservice to the Israel but quietly supporting the murderous Arabs by arming them with assemble-it-yourself Kalashnikovs?

I did a close analysis of Ikea’sÂ furnitureÂ selection to see if I could figure it out.The BESTÃ…/FRAMSTÃ…/INREDA storage systemVerdict: pro-Israel

This convenient and sleek modern storage unit is extremely reminiscent of the Israel apartheid wall and therefore was directly designed to rub salt into the wounds of countless Palestinians who cannot leave the West Bank in search of neither their own assemblable FRAMSTÃ…, nor the orange rug that so deftly complements it. Â Rumor has it that the FRAMSTÃ… system was developed in coordination with Shin Bet to make it easy to place small video cameras in its plentiful and customizable nooks and crannies to spy on anyone who might dare to erect it in their ancestral home.

The LACK side table
Verdict: pro-Palestinian

This side-table, Â light enough to put in any location to accent a room, is also, unfortunately, light enough to disassemble and throw not one but four legs AND a sturdy top at any young Israeli soldiers that may be patrolling in the area. Â In addition to being excellent replacement material for small sticks and stones and sure to leave an even bigger impact on the face or groin area, this table also too efficiently converts into a Â bonfire to idiotically burn any nearby Israeli flags and ALSO comes in different colors so color-savvy terrorists can paint it depending on their affinity for either Islamic Jihad or the Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigade.

The MALM bed frame and SULTAN HAGAVIK mattress
Verdict: pro-Israel

How do the Israelis sleep at night as the Palestinians continue to suffer in their Ikea-less existence? Â Quite well, with the Malm modern and posturepedic bed frame and the Sultan mattress which allows air to flow through the springs so that the bed is always cool, particularly in the desert heat. Â As a result, each Israeli soldier and government official is well-rested and ready to pounce at the slightest stirrings from the West Bank or a cough heard in Gaza City. Â It is rumored that ultra-right wing Prime Minister and his murderous Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman Netanyahu have five of these between the two of them. Â The bed, with its unfortunate ease of assembly and portability fits into any small Israeli apartment built on Palestinian land, and, once worn out, easily can be disassembled sent to the territories to build more illegal outposts.

The SLIPAD knife block
Verdict: pro-Palestinian

From the description, it appears that these knives are bread and paring knives,not the sharpest in the tool shed. Â But combined with the Hamas-colored cook’s knife and the fact that they are highly portable , as well as the low barrier-to-entry price, they become a lethal weapon that is easy to distribute (and clean after each successful stabbing). Â Was Ikea specifically thinking of arming the flotilla with these weapons, to use to make delicious deli sandwiches, then to harm unknowing Israeli soldiers? Â Â The fact that they are made of stainless steel sure seems like it.

The final verdict? Â Hard to say. Â Since Ikea might be either/both pro-Israel or pro-Palestinian, or, even worse, neither because it has no political agenda and simply does business in countries where it is economically viable for it to do so, Â if you are of either vein, I would suggest divesting of any baubles you may have bought there at once. Â I, for one, will be burning all of my billy bookcases effective immediately or until I can find a replacement for how convenient they are. Whichever comes first.