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That’s it, just “wait”? No more details? Wait how long? Wait for what? What exactly does “wait” mean?

This is the conversation I had with the Lord this week. For the past two weeks I’ve sensed the Lord saying “wait”. And I’ve also sensed it is referring to the adoption. So I had a good break down-bawling session and questioned why in the world the Lord would say “wait”. My mom told me, “you have to obey!”. BUT I DON’T WANT TO – I WANT TO BE A MOM!

I started reading 1 Samuel chapters 1-3. For those who have experienced infertility I’m sure you’ve read these chapters hundreds of times. So I got to chapter 3, verse 18 when Eli says “He is the Lord; let him do what is good in His eyes.”. I immediately broke down crying because the first thing I thought was that means I’ll won’t have more kids. But then I stopped myself because that’s not what it says. Why am I always so quick to doubt God and think that His will for my life isn’t the same as the desires of my heart? And then I heard the Lord gently say that He does want to give me the desires of my heart.

The next day in staff devotions Elaine shared about “trusting and obeying”. Ok, Lord, I hear ya! Even though I’m not sure what “wait” means (don’t adopt from Ethiopia?, don’t use CWA?, don’t adopt?) I will choose to trust Him and obey. I’ve decided that I’d much rather hear His voice and know His will, even when it’s difficult. As opposed to not hearing His voice and just deciding on my own, possibly choosing something that would bring harm.

“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, then to trust and obey”

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Our basement is coming along nicely. The drywallers should be done Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s amazing to see the basement with walls and actual rooms. We’ll finalize our carpet order today and that will be here in a few weeks – just enough time to paint, put up trim, hang doors, etc. Unfortunately we won’t have any money left to furnish the basement – but that’s ok! 🙂

Wait, wait and wait some more – that’s all that’s new with our adoption! On Tuesday we’re taking the afternoon off work to go finish up what’s left of our dossier paperwork. Things like our police clearance, apply for our passport, report from our bank, etc. On August 11th we have our home study orientation. It kind of stinks we haven’t been able to move faster with our home study but I suppose it’s a blessing because it’s giving us time to just focus on one thing at a time (the basement now).

Please continue to pray for us about whether to adopt one or two children. It would be less expensive in the long run to adopt two now but we don’t want that to be the only reason to do it – plus it would mean we’d have to have $3000 more when we submit our dossier. Pat really doesn’t want to fly to Ethiopia (he’s not real fond of flying) and I’m hesitant to go by myself to get two babies. My mom has offered to come with though. Also, if we adopt two children do we request twins or just two “infants”, usually one a few months old and one a toddler. I think twins would be easier but Pat says the other. Hhhmmm? SO, we have some major decisions to make within the next 2 months. We appreciate your prayers.

Tomorrow we’re off to Valley Fair with our youth group. It will be me and hubby, our youth director and his girlfriend, one other chaperone and then 20 teenagers. FUN!
🙂 They keep us young that’s for sure!

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Lord you are so mighty, so incredible. You save us with ease. Lord, I will worship you. My King.

I’m sorry for breaking your heart. Thank you for breaking my heart so I can see your glorious beauty fully. I will sing to you forever Lord, your love reigns forever, your power, your light, your grace, you reign forever Lord, forever. I’m so sorry for letting Satan have control of my life. You are my pilot, Lord, for eternity.

I’m no longer just a planted seed. I have sprouted. I’ve blossomed Lord. Your beauty has brought me out of dirt into shinning light. I’m ready to stand Lord. I’m ready to fight against the rain, the wind, and all storms for Your name.

Please help me live more for you. I can’t explain how excited I am! But You understand completely. You are so great! I can’t describe it. You make me scream with joy and shake with fear at the same time. Only you Lord, only you. Lord, remove the wall that is holding back your flowing river of grace. I’m not ashamed Lord, never again. Don’t let me hide the power and passion you have planted in me. Take it all Lord. I’m going to fly with you Lord. Sin is no longer weighing me down. You got me, and you are never letting go.

Lord, help us all to see you as you are. Give us wisdom, teach us to love you. Teach us how to approach you. Embrace us Lord, make us whole again.

Let your light shine through me to the world you have placed me in. I will love you always, and live for you always. I yearn for you. You are my only strength. I am fully dependent on you Lord.