Confused.

It never ceases to amaze me how fast the world one builds around themselves can begin to tear itself apart. It has been so long since I first starting posting at sites like this and for the last couple months I found myself feeling more free in life then I have ever felt. Their was still the dark times in life when I felt the overwhelming burden of life upon my shoulders. But I made it trough, and even found something in life that truly made it worth living for.

I knew that things were getting out of control a couple of weeks ago and a month before that I knew that things were sliding down hill, still it has hit me like a truck, full speed down the highway and I am so unsure of myself and what to do next. What do you do when you know the right thing is to walk away from that witch you have spent the last couple years of your life building your existence around?

Why are people not content to leave things simply be, why is it that they must push things they knew in their heart should be left alone? I have never understood why people can’t leave friends as just friends. Am I so naïve that I am unable to see the truth that is starring me in the face? It seems it should have all been so simple and now I know that things will never be the same as before. How long will it be before this whole thing explodes in the giant mess that I know is coming but seem so unable to avoid?

I just wish I knew how to explain that I am sorry that I flinch when you even brush against me in the slightest. I don’t want you finding the scares, knowing the truth, just keep it simple.

I just wish I truly knew the entirety of the situation at hand, that you were only trying to be a better friend and nothing more, maybe then I could accept what happened but the fact I know it was much deeper then that, when I told you that you were married and I could never forgive myself and you just shrugged. Just leave it as friends and let it be done, I could never care for someone in that way, I know you do not believe it but that is just the way it is.

Amazing how fast things can fall apart in this life, I know I should just walk away, but I am not sure my heart could stand loosing the one last thing that allows me to smile. I just wished she understood that my smile is for them more then her.

~Raven

Sorry for being so cryptic I am not looking for replies I just want to post this all somewhere, it has been eating me up inside for the past couple of days and this is the only place I know of that I can post without everyone knowing what the hell it is I am talking about.

I know you say you're not looking for replies but anyway.
Just thought I'd give a :hug:
and also say
It can be tough when you "build your entire existence" around something or someone. I've had that problem too. But it's good to be content with being alone, being with yourself.