After having coerced Paige into going to teach her classes for once, a decision she was beginning to regret, Rachel had gone on a patrol that seemed like a complete waste of time, as she hadn't found anything remotely useful. She was beginning to worry that she'd gotten Jean's hopes up, and they were going to be crushed when some students, or the police, eventually found Jamie's body.

Having collapsed into the pink cushions of the couch in their bedroom, her face found her hands, elbows rested on her knees. The idea of finding Jamie was even less appealing when she remembered how they'd come across Cassie. She'd seen a lot of dead bodies, mainly of the Fringes in the sewers, but none of them, or any of her victims, had made her feel that sick. Thinking back to the scene with Cassie still made her want to gag, and she wasn't sure she can handle another one like that.

For all her disdain at the idea of being a teacher, given how irresponsible she was known for being, Rachel still felt some sort of obligation to the students. Maybe it had more to do with the fact she'd already been through the kidnapping and experimenting, but whatever. Nobody should have to endure anything like that.

Rachel pushed her hands up into her hair and, catching sight of the screen of her phone illuminating, heaved a sigh. Despite being unsure of how she felt about dealing with people, she removed a hand from her hair to reach for it just in case it was Paige having a meltdown or something. Relieved to find it wasn't that, she replied to the text and forced herself up to change from her uniform before wandering outside, mobile device and pack of cigarettes stowed in the pockets of her jeans.

She skipped her usual spot on the patio, despite the furniture having already been replaced from her fight with Eddie, and continued to the memorial area of the grounds, easily locating Josh's marker. As she stared down at it, she dug the beaten pack of smokes from her pocket, pulling one and the light from it as she sank to the ground, shaking her head at the new flowers. She thought about suggesting a color other than pink to Paige, but then she may as well go get them herself.

"So…" Rachel hesitantly started after lighting up, biting down on her lip as she debated how to continue, exhaling smoke through her nose. Bringing the cigarette up to her lips once more, she took a drag before trying again, brow furrowed as she considered the stone, "I feel completely ridiculous talking to an inanimate object…"

It came out in a mutter, but she supposed it didn't matter because there wasn't anyone around to hear her anyway. At least she didn't think there was. The thought caused her to cast a concerned glance around.

"Not that you could hear me anyway. Being dead kinda… Well, kills any possibility of that," she mumbled, sinking down to sit in the grass, leaning back against the marker that was in the row ahead of his, the stone cool against her back, "I'm going to talk at you anyway though."

Rachel paused for another drag from the cigarette and flicked some ash from the end of it, vaguely wondering if this was actually how people did this. She supposed most people liked to believe whoever could hear them, whereas she just felt crazy for talking to herself. As she exhaled, she started again, watching the smoke curl in the air, "I'm, like, sort of really, really glad you weren't eaten by cannibals. I mean, you didn't have any flesh gnawed off your bones, which I imagine is painful, and I didn't have to go kill an entire cult… Not that how you died wasn't painful, or that I should've killed anyone…"

"Actually, maybe, that's not where I should start…" she added after a few moments of consideration and another pull from the smoke. In order to bring her knees up and slouch down, Rachel pulled her phone from her pocket to avoid it digging into her hip. She checked it for any important messages (which didn't include the pictures of kittens Paige was prone to sending her) and set it in the grass, her gaze cutting across the letters in the stone as she tried to think of a different way to begin.

"Right, so," Rachel tried again, stubbing the cigarette out on the stone she was leaning against, "Y'know those sickening, annoyingly sweet couples? The kind that are attached at the hip and make stupid posts on the internet about each other that everyone really just rolls their eyes at?" she asked as she folded her hands on her knees, twisting the ring around her finger, looking back up, "Yeah, I'm part of one of those…"

Her brow furrowed at the admittance, and she pulled a slight face, shaking her head, "Now that I've said that aloud, I don't think I'm as stupidly happy, but she's still pretty fucking awesome. …Oh, yeah, it's Paige, but I don't think you ever got to meet her. I'm sure she would've terrified you as much as she did me the first few years I knew her."

"She's all into pink, fashion, babies, hugging people to death, being happy, Christmas… So, like, mostly opposite of you. Well, except for the baby stuff. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you both there," Rachel continued, "But, it's totally cool that I live in an entirely pink, glittery room with a ticking biological clock for a girlfriend because, besides being possibly delusional, she puts up with me. Well, not like… puts up with me."

Letting out a sigh, she looked back down to her hands in her lap, "I mean… She's… there. Even when I'm being totally fucking ridiculous, she's there and generally gets things and tells me how awesome I am when I don't think I am… Y'know how often that is," Rachel grinned slightly to herself, "She's just nice and caring and fun and sees the best in people. It also doesn't hurt that she's neat, can cook, puts flowers out here because I won't, and is breathtakingly gorgeous…"

"I'm kinda shitty with words to begin with, and I don't really have enough to describe how fucking amazing she is…" Rachel shook her head, pausing for a moment, "I just…" she bit down on her lip and sucked in a deep breath, "I love her, and it seems really soon, but whatever. And, I was really worried I wouldn't be able to, not after what happened with you…"

The entire time she'd been talking, Rachel had been fiddling with the band around her finger, and she finally slid it off her finger, looking it over. She sucked in another breath, giving a slight shrug, "But, I think I'm okay with it."

As she lapsed into silence, she debated what exactly she should do with the ring because she didn't really feel the need to wear it anymore, not on her finger anyway. After a few moments of staring down at the diamond, and sapphires surrounding the larger stone, she carefully set the platinum band on the screen of her phone, reaching around to unclasp her necklace. It could go there for the moment.

Once she'd secured the ring on her necklace, she made a mental note to go buy a chain for it and reached for the pack of cigarettes, shaking out another, "Anyway, now that I've basically gushed to myself about my girlfriend and feel completely stupid for it, about those cannibals…"