living fully. fully living.

Shockingly, vacations CAN suck.

I have decided that the worst part of a vacation, without a doubt, is not the coming back to work after it.

It’s the week (or in my case, month) before leaving that is the most torturous part.

The last month, but two weeks specifically, at work have been absolutely horrifying. It’s been busy, demanding and and all-around shit fest. Normally, I really like my job and I really like what I do. But lately it’s just been hard…in ways that it normally shouldn’t be. There is too much change and too much movement, not enough constancy and certainly not enough consistency. I find myself getting frustrated with minute things and tasks and yet leaning on them to make it though the day. Filing has become one of the ways that I pass time. I hate filing and I now look forward to it. I actually ALLOW it to pile up so that I have something to do in order to feel productive.

Granted, this last week was an anomaly because of technical issues, but lately I have felt incredibly useless. I find myself wiling away the hours on the internet (something I’ve been cautioned against in the past). But honestly, how many times can I say “I have nothing to do”, “I can help with anything”, “Please give me more accounts” or any variation?

I feel that I have made it clear that I love my job and love what I do. I have said that I want more responsibility. It’s not like I WANT to dick around on the internet all day. In fact, I’d prefer it if I were so busy at work that the only outside connection I have with the world is Twitter or…nothing.

More changes are inevitable at the office, though I wish that they weren’t (for selfish personal reasons), but they might benefit me in the end. I don’t know.

So between worrying about not having anything to do and making sure that I’m caught up enough to feel good about leaving for an entire week, I have been under far too much stress.

Today will be a big day of studying, laundry and not much else. Exciting.