13 November 2010

Description: "A soft-bodied doll bearing a resemblance to a caricature of Jesus. The doll includes a voice simulator which preferably has recorded thereon phrases from Jesus' actual ministry as recorded in God's word, the Bible."

2. Dolls Formed in the Likeness of the Lord Jesus with a Movable Head and Extremities

Description: "A doll formed in the likeness of the Lord Jesus with a movable head and extremities comprised of a torso section including a loin cloth molded into its lower portion and a pair of movable leg sections. … The doll is provided with electrically conductive nails which when inserted through apertures in the hands of the doll, mount the doll to a provided cross and close an electrical circuit which illuminates the cross."

Description: "A prime object of the present invention is to provide a glove to be worn on the hand having air vibrated reed type musical instruments constituting the finger tips thereof through which special tonal qualities are obtained by merely blowing the breath through the instruments, said instruments having a range of tones extending through an octave or more without the necessity of using finger holes or keys."

Description: Hat to prevent premature baldness. The hat is "adapted to fit upon the head in such a manner as not to interfere with the free circulation of blood to the scalp, and at the same time so constructed as to be worn without discomfort, and without causing a temporary unseemly marking on the forehead or scalp of the wearer where it comes in contact therewith, when the hat is removed."

Description: Because it is sometimes difficult for rodeo producers to acquire steers with horns, this device provides an artificial attachment which can be mounted on an animal for the purpose of simulating horns. Other purposes include: to faciliatate manual control of an animal's head; to minimize the cost of rodeo stock; to make cattle wrestling or throwing more humane.

29 June 2010

Description: Device for facilitating the teaching of swimming by accustoming the limbs of the learner to the several movements required, so that upon taking to the water, the learner will instinctively make the same movements, and will be enabled to swim perfectly after comparatively little practice.

Description: A detachable suit provided with pockets or receptacles for the body and limbs, with a web portion between the pockets for the limbs, which acts like wings or fins, which, from the movement of the legs and arms, effect a propulsion through the water.

Description: A light and effecient appliance which can readily be attached to the swimmer, which has a tail portion adapted to be moved from side to side to simulate the movement of a fish and thus propel the swimmer forward.

Description: Initiation apparatus designed for use in lodges and secret societies, for initiating a candidate into the secrets and forms of the order. The invention contemplates a simple and practical form of apparatus entirely harmless in its action and results, while at the same time producing an amusing and entertaining effect. The invention essentially consists of a pair of guiding-conductors and a pair of walking electrodes. The electrodes are worn by the subject and designed to be carried over and in contact with the conductors. The conductors are in the form of metallic rails arranged in a track and secured to the floor so the subject may walk upon them. The guiding conductors are included in an electrical generator-circuit, designed for shocking the subject when the subject closes the circuit while walking on the conductors.

Description: A worshipping room with an altar, an area for storing cenerary urns, visible means for visually suggesting the movement of the spirits from cinerary urns to the altar, and control means for actuating the said visible means. When necessary, codes for the number of family members or deceased are input into the control unit, and the visible means simulates the transfer of the spirit of the deceased from the cinerary urn to the worshipped object. This causes the worshippers of their ancestors to feel that the spirit in the cinerary urn has been united to the worshipped object.

16 June 2010

Description: "A self-congratulatory apparatus having a simulated human hand carried on a pivoting arm suspended from shoulder supported member. The hand is manually swingable into and out of contact with the user's back to give an amusing or an important pat-on-the-back."

Description: "A device for patting a baby to sleep by means of periodic pats upon the rump or hind part of the baby, the device comprising a bracket supporting a motor having pulley on the motor shaft, and the pulley supporting an arm having a soft pad at one end which pats the baby."

Description: "It has been discovered that eye-brows, more particularly the side portions thereof, are worn away by rubbing against the pillows while the person is sleeping, and particularly when patients are confined in bed for an extended period. This wearing away is believed by many to affect the appearance of the person, and the present invention designs to provide a simple device whereby this wearing away may be effectively prevented and whereby also, the eye-brows may be treated with a chemical for the purpose of developing them. The invention also designs to provide eye-brow shields which may be conveniently worn while the wearer is asleep and which will effectively prevent eye-brows from being worn away, and whereby a chemical may be applied to the eye-brows, and which are adjustable so as to fit eye-brows of different persons."

13 June 2010

Description: "As physicians and dentists well know, it is important to prevent fear of injections by hypodermic syringes on the part of patients, especially children. Preventing such fear or apprehension will elevate the standards and quality of work of the medical and dental fields, thereby improving the overall health standards of our nation. To help avoid such fear and apprehension in patients from a hypodermic syringe, my invention involves redesigning a disposable type hypodermic syringe by forming the casing or barrel of the syringe into the shape and appearance of an attractive object or animal pleasing to children. Proper use of these improvements will materially decrease fear or apprehension of hypodermic syringes on the part of children."

10 June 2010

Description: An improvement to grave alarms, whereby persons who are prematurely buried can sound an alarm, thus notifying cemetary officials of their unfortunate condition. In addition, fresh air is supplied to the person prematurely buried until help arrives.

I do not know much about Edward D. O'Brien (Attorney at Law in Patent, trademark & Related matters, deceased), but I do know that like me, he was a connoisseur of weirdness.

I'd been first in line at his estate sale, intent on scooping up a trove of free energy, borderland science, occult and psychic healing books for my online bookselling business. When I got home, a document fell out of a book entitled, "Exotic Patents." It was a letter, dated 1991, from the newly retired Edward D. O'Brien to the publisher of the book. In the letter, Mr. O'Brien explained that From Jan. 1, 1955 to the late 1980s, he had accumulated a series of patent collections and that he had given the collections the following titles:

1. Historical

2. Hysterical

3. Mechanical Perpetual Motion

4. Magnetic Perpetual Motion Type Motors

5. Unapproved Medical

6. Psychographs

7. Miscellaneous Borderline Subject Matter

He wondered whether the publisher was interested in the book he was in the process of writing. (From all indications, this book was never completed.)

At the sale, I had viewed a shelf full of notebooks about which I was told erroneous information, and in my purchasing frenzy was unable to discern their import. But upon reading the letter, I knew I had to return to the sale the next day (when everything would be half-off) and get my hands on the notebooks, which I now realized were part of the patent collection. I couldn't help myself. Hence, I am now in possession of a large plastic tub crammed full of unusual patents photocopies, a partial manuscript, and miscellaneous patent-related papers and articles.

The patents date all the way back to the late-1800s, and up to the 1980s. In perusing the papers, I've already noticed a late-19th century/early 20th century obsession with electricity. Nothing, it seems, was exempt from electrification back then.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. My plan is to expose the most hysterical of the patents, little by little, in these pages, as time permits. Please stay tuned.