Learn to fall in Love with Yourself

c A lot of my friends had had at least one boyfriend and people were starting to have sex which was mind boggling to me. I was just there being me, Etinosa. Nothing special. I never thought of myself as ugly or pretty. I just thought of myself as me but could not really understand why people (guys) didn’t want to date me. I was funny, smart, a good friend, what else could they want. I went off to college and my freshmen year was basically the same experience I had in high school. No one noticed me and I thought going that it would be different. I had friends who had guys falling over them, sliding into their DMs, wanting to dance with them at parties and there I was just being me, Etinosa. When I went home that summer I met a man. We were working together and we started to get to know each other. Being Etinosa, I didn’t really think of it as anything. We vibed and laughed and he just made me feel comfortable and relaxed. It was a feeling I never really felt before. I was smitten, in the true definition of the word. We had such a great and undeniable connection. I thought things were going to work out with him. I thought I had found my person and I was going to be set. There was no need to date because he understood me and saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. Like lots of first love stories things didn’t work out but not in a he broke my heart and I was forever jaded. He told me something that would forever change how I saw myself. When things were ending he told me that I had no idea how much sex appeal I had. He said that it would be selfish for him to keep me for himself when he knew that I wasn’t even close to reaching my full potential. And that in a couple of years I’d have people falling over me. I really thought it was a joke when he said it and was more so upset that he was willing to let me go so I could “grow into myself” and live my best life. Reflecting back on that time in my life, I didn’t and couldn’t see the sex appeal that he was talking about… Little did I know it was just the beginning of learning to empower myself.

This brings me to the picture below. I posted this on Instagram and to be honest it’s not something that I would not normally post because baby do you see all the skin that is being shown??? I think growing up I was taught that less is more there is no reason to show that much skin But I also love the picture so much. I love how my skin and how it’s glistening in the sun. I love that my chest is exposed. There is something about the curve of my neck and how it connects to my shoulder and clavicle. There’s something mysterious about the ways my eyes are barely open and looking into the camera. It’s sultry but still classy. It leaves things to the imagination but still giving people a hint of what’s in store. This picture captures my sex appeal.

I am not one to talk about my sex life or even mention anything about it online because that’s my business. But what I am going to talk about is the idea of sex appeal and what has worked for me in order to embrace it. It is something that many of us women don’t necessarily have conversations about. Personally, I can’t recall a time me and my friends got together at brunch and started talking about sex appeal. I think it’s an underlying thing that we notice about other women but never truly name it for what it is. For example, let’s take Instagram, we all know about the Instagram baddies. She’s uber pretty, hair is on point, booty popping, makeup flawless and she has a body that is banging. It’s the thought of, all the boys want her and all the girls want to be like her. She doesn’t say a word but through that picture she radiates sex.

I’m going to pause right here because I want to give a working definition when I refer to sex in this piece. Sex, sexy, whatever we want to call it is this essence of being lust after. You can look but can’t touch. It’s the allure of intimacy as one of humans most natural instincts. So, sex appeal is public’s request to being seen as attractive. We all have it, but we all don’t know how to manifest it.

What many of the Instagram baddies have learned is how to exude their sex appeal. It might mean they’re not wearing a lot of clothes and they are angling their bodies to finesse the camera and they know exactly what will catch the eye of the average man. But my stance today is “If I don’t look or act like an Instagram baddie do I have sex appeal? Ummmmmmm yes you do.

I posted this picture a couple of days ago on Instagram and a simple cheetah print slip dress from Target… You can get it by clicking on this link. (Thanks in advance) I slapped on some makeup and laid in the sun and just took some selfies. It’s taken me 26 years to realize the things that work for me in life and here are some of the things that have worked for me to embrace and exude my sex appeal.

1| Confidence

I cannot tell you how important this is. You first and foremost have to find yourself attractive, beautiful and sexy. I mean you really have to convince and believe it for yourself. Sex appeal is not for someone else, it’s for you. You have got to spit out positive affirmations on the daily and tell yourself that you are that B**CH. I mean really yell it!!

All jokes aside. I know how hard it is to build confidence. Especially in such superficial world where people feel this need to comment on everything. Figure out what makes you feel fierce. Figure out what makes you happy and comfortable. Learn to talk to yourself with positivity. Compliment yourself. Seriously, it might take some time before you believe your that B**CH but you can’t quit on yourself

2| Your Assests

We all got them! They might look different but best believe you have to work with what God gave you. A big butt and large breasts are not the end all be all to embody sex appeal. It can be your eyes, it can be your hair, it can be your legs, it can be you skin, it can be the curve in your neck, it can be your laugh, your smile, your quirks. Your assets are everything that make you, you. It’s extremely important to learn to love what you were giving and I mean really love them. We are so quick to criticize ourselves and want to change. BAYBEE… you’re laugh is cute, your smile is contagious, and you skin is popping. We were all blessed, no excuses.

3| Keep It Classy and Cute

I’m a big advocate of leaving things to the imagination and private for the person that I’m with. That does not mean I’m a prude, I like to be a tease sometimes. I like to know that people are noticing me. (it’s not a crime to want attention) Personally, I think there is a fine line between just laying it all out and being classy. I prefer the latter. There are clothes you can wear that showcase your best features with all your features hanging out. The way you carry yourself also exudes classiness. I’m generalizing here, for the most part many of us are sexual beings but honestly I don’t need everyone one and their mom daydreaming about me and what I do behind closed doors. I want to be with someone who understands that I’m a beautiful woman and they respect that I’m a lady on the streets. (lol you know the rest)

4| Find your angles

If you’re anything like me. I love taking pictures of myself. I believe it’s a true way for me to appreciate myself. When I’m alone at home and I’ve had some glasses of wine and I’m feeling myself. I love to just capture my essence. Whether it’s in some lingerie or sweat pants. I allows me to embrace who I am without anyone’s input. Then I put those pictures in my hidden folder. Your body can twist and turn in so many ways and you owe it to yourself to find what makes you look most beautiful.

Sex appeal comes with age and time. 7 years ago if you would have told me that I had sex appeal I would have laughed and been like girl… where? I’m not the most curvaceous person in the world. I don’t have green eyes and loosely curled hair. But what I do have are long legs, dark melanated skin and a clavicle bone that could kill. I have a smile that lights up a room and I carry myself like a boss. So, you want to learn how to have sex appeal, my answer is simple learn to love every single curve, dip, lump of your body and tell the world that they would be lucky to even get the chance to interact with you.