YOU ARE THE VICTIM of SEXUAL ABUSE and so NOT TO BE BLAMED

answered
07:10 AM EST, Tue September 11, 2012

anonymous

My brother sexually abused me from the time I was 10 to when I was 14 and he left home and then I left home when I was 16 and I spent a lot of time trying not to think about what we did together and dealing with a lot of shame and revulsion and anger and confusion about what role I played. I never told anyone about what he did. Now my brother has 2 children with a woman he married. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of him with children. I am honestly still terrified of him and this makes it all worse. I feel like I need to tell someone what he did to me but I can’t deal with talking about it and having everyone know. I just can’t deal with that. What do I do?

Dr. Shirley Schaye Says...

I am so...ooo very, very sorry to hear about what happened between you and your brother. First, please let me say that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. You were only 10 years old. There is a big developmental difference between a 10 year old and a 14 year old. For one, not to even mention ego development but at 14 one has reached puberty. Usually at 10, one has not.

Let me also say this. I have done a lot of work on SEXUAL ABUSE --- published, speaking engagements, etc. See here. I am only saying this because I know a lot about the sexually abused victim. It would help you a great deal if you sought out a properly trained therapist to deal with all the guilt, fear and damage that your brother has created for you. If you give me your city, state and zip code I will be happy to help you find someone.