Nelson Muntz. Ha Ha.

Nelson! We all know who Nelson is; the school bully. Anyone who has watched The Simpsons (which is at least 97% of the universe) will know exactly who I mean! The mean child who bullies the others! Has his little crew of friends who do everything he says and follow him around but he is the one with the voice!
Bullies are normally a “school” thing. Unfortunately many of us were bullied at school or know someone who has been, but you are mistaken if you think once you have left school this is all behind you. Bullies do not have an age restriction and can be found in your adult life too.
I was always kind of geeky at school, a little podgy and a bit of a nerd but I was quite popular. I was voted by my peers as head prefect and got on well with most of my school including teachers! I didn’t really get in much trouble with teachers or peers and can say despite homework and regular school annoyances I enjoyed my school life (Especially school dinners!). I left and went to college, had a few hiccups with friends but nothing major so I thought I was one of the lucky ones who escaped being a victim! But then I started working and much to my surprise, this is where I experienced it.
When children get bullied it is obvious. They name call, leave you out, push you about or in some cases beat you up. As you get older their methods differ. People mature into their bullying and the attacks are not as obvious and not physical but the effects can be just as damaging.
A friend of mine has a beautiful daughter, kind hearted, gentle, understanding, mature and absolutely gorgeous. She gets bullied at school. The other children call her names, poke fun at her teeth and make her dread going into the playground. She tells her mum who then consoles her, encourages her, reassures she is beautiful and defends her by speaking to teachers, other parents until the issue is resolved. When you are an adult, ringing your mummy doesn’t quite work.
I am outspoken, not afraid to speak my mind (unless I fancy someone), I am set in my ways and I can be a little like marmite; you either love me or hate me! Either way I will always be civil and polite and like to think I am nice to people. Not everyone thinks this way and in an office environment it can be really awkward! There is always a clash of personalities, people can be too similar or have too many differences! Someone who may not like you, like what you say like, how you live or simple who you are and others are sheep, afraid of becoming the victim.
A few heated discussions and speaking my mind began to make me disliked within my work environment quite quickly and obviously. I began to have people whisper about me, discuss me in my absence, shout at me, call me names (nicely so it wasn’t that obvious) tell tales to my manager, leave me out of nights out or things in the office the list goes on! At first my reaction was typical of me, be louder, more brash and act like I wasn’t bothered but this soon changed.
Now everyone can have their opinion, call me names or act like I don’t exist but it wasn’t these people that hurt me the most, it was the ones who to my face “had my back” but were encouraging the behaviour of the people who were openly nasty! By encouraging I don’t mean they were telling them what to say or even agreeing with them, but they did nothing and that in itself is allowing it to continue by letting them think what they are doing is ok.
People will agree with you, tell you they are behind you and even suggest ideas to you but when it comes to it no one will do or say what you expect of them which I learnt! I tried my best to stand up when I believed things were wrong but when doing this you have to be prepared to stand alone.
It escalated and I began to feel withdrawn, I would dread waking up every day and going to work. Cry on my way home; question what it was about me, what could I do? I tried harder to be nicer, that didn’t work. Kept myself to myself, that didn’t work. I was in a constant state of unrest and deep sadness and I couldn’t shake it off.
To the outside world I was absolutely fine! I didn’t tell anyone because I was embarrassed, felt silly, pathetic and childish. It was just a bit of office politics right? Then people tried to normalise it, make me believe that this was just how it “always was” and no point doing anything because “nothing will change”. I am sure at some point in their lives someone said exactly that to Nelson Mandela or President Obama!
I believed what they told me, despite me knowing better I fell into the downward spiral of believing the lies that appeased other people’s guilt about the situation. Adults don’t get bullied? Don’t be such a drama queen? You always play the victim? If it’s not you it will be someone else! Just look for another job! I would batter myself with these statements and a question, trying to justify what was happening every day I walked through those doors.
Then one day I decided NO. I made small changes. I spoke up, I told loved ones what was happening and the support was overwhelming. I spoke up to my superior at work and was surprised to receive the support there. I then also stopped looking for the problem in myself and started to realise that the problem they had didn’t lie within me, it was within them.
Their frustration, anger, upset, torment and insecurities were all problems that they had with themselves and I was simply the highlighter pen that made these more obvious and prominent. That’s a compliment then surely? There was something about me that made them worry and feel intimidated so much so that the only way they knew how to cope was to put me down.
Strength is not determined by the amount of followers you have, how loud you are or by how many people you perceive to be beneath you. It is the courage to get up every day and fight for you, to not be beaten by other people’s words, actions or attitude towards you. Speak out, even when you are the only person standing. Understand that there is something within you that scares people into bullying you!
Nelson has bullied almost everyone in The Simpsons in almost every episode he is in, but not all of them. Some episodes show how dysfunctional his home life is, he was abandoned by his father, his mother works in a topless bar and doesn’t care for him and he hasn’t really got any support or true friends. Now he may be a fictional character but the principle may be the same. Only someone with personal issues will bully others. If people are trying to pull you down it only mean that you are above them.
Hold your head up and understand that you are invaluable. There is no one else like you! Feel proud that someone is so threatened by you that they have felt the need to embarrass, hurt and demoralise you.
Bullies are like sandpaper. They will hurt you over and over it will scratch and it will hurt, but in the end you end up polished and they end up useless”.
Thanks for stopping By x
The Fat funny one x
P.S . Big. Ugly. Loner. Losers. Yearning attention. BULLY.