Life's absurdities are great material

By Marcy Meffert :
May 30, 2012
: Updated: May 30, 2012 3:57pm

People often ask where I get column ideas. Ideas are everywhere. Every time we turn around, we bump into another of life's absurdities.

1 It is absurd that, eventually, your possessions need possessions of their own. Books, figurines, plates or other useless but pretty dust-catchers require cabinets and shelves and, at the extreme, an extra room of their own, as a friend of mine built for her collection of spice and tea tins. I have too many books on too many shelves and can't seem to part with any of them. I hope to live long enough to read them all. Getting a Nook has not solved this problem. I am a bit absurd, but only a bit.

1 It is absurd that catalog T-shirts, plain and unadorned, should cost $29.99-plus, when the same quality T-shirts are available locally for $9.99. Adding embroidery, sequins, beads, printed flowers and various smart-aleck sayings can raise the price by 30 or more dollars. When I lived in New Orleans, I wanted to be a fly on the wall when conventioneers got home, opened their suitcases and wondered why they bought T-shirts they could never wear anywhere in their hometowns without being considered perverts or getting arrested for obscenity.

1 I'm not sure if I have done something so wrong in my lifetime that I deserve the punishment of being with absurd people who travel (especially to foreign countries) and complain about everything. People who want the food, bed or anything else the same as it is at home should stay at home. I want to sneak an obscene T-shirt into their suitcases.

1 Relying upon no-call lists to avoid interruptions to your life is absurd. They don't always work. My friend Bo amuses herself by being as annoying to callers as they are to her. When a phone salesman offered her a special price on a walk-in bathtub/shower, she said she didn't want one because "when you open the door all the water spills out all over the floor." The salesman stuttered, "B-B-but …" and tried to explain, but Bo interrupted. "Thank you for thinking of me and calling, but I just think those tubs are too messy with all that water on the floor."

1 It's absurd that I have acquired so many accessories that "some assembly required" should be tattooed on my person. I have begun wearing a pedometer as part of my weight-loss effort. To start my day, I put in bridgework and hearing aids, hang glasses on my nose and a house key around my neck (I tend to lock myself out) and clip on my emergency call monitor. It's a wonder I can walk at all! Old photos of my great-grandmother show her accessories were an apron and a babushka (head scarf). She lived to 104. Considering my genes and possible weight loss, my plan to live long enough to read all my books is not totally absurd.