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I am all for disciplining children and teaching them right from wrong so that there’s a certain level of respect but not to the point were the child fears you…

at least for the men i knew growing up i think it went beyond them wanting to correct their child’s behavior, i feel like there are those who enjoy seeing children in fear.. there where talks from both these men how they were “bad asses” and nobody fucked with them when they were younger, how one of them ran his own cell block (in prison) and how they other had a biker gang who wanted him to join because of how bad he was , both of them having similar stories of being “bad ass”… yet both of them seem to get off on having children fearing them…

i wonder if he thought he was a “bad ass” spanking a child till his hand was stinging and his shoulder was sore.. i wonder if the other one thought he was “bad ass” in smashing a kid’s cell phone and then turn around and go after the older one with a flashlight… does it make a man more of a man to throw a kid through the wall, drag them up the stairs by their shirt collar or choking a kid? is that how fathers prove their the man of the house? is it only okay doing that to your own, or if the child isn’t yours does it make it fair game?

i wonder if any of their stories were true, or if they made up the stories and convinced them selves they were and the only way to prove it was making children fear them…

i would have thought how they raised us was learned behavior but later on in life i found out that they were not subjected to abuse in any form and in fact had great childhoods… maybe all of what they did was okay being they were on meth… i feel like those little boys were more of a man then they were and in some distorted way they felt that to be a challenge….

They must have realized that with these once little boys they were a lot older and couldn’t get physical with them anymore, they started to instead of owning or even acknowledging what they did it turned into denial and in fact they managed to make it out to seem as if they were the victims of abuse saying “the children abused, tormented, and made him fear for his life” which is quite a statement coming from the man of the house and we as children managed caused all that abuse and chaos or saying “those kids are fucking liars making all that shit up” and it amazes me how everybody in these peoples life say “they never deserved to be treated like that from those kids, and that they feel so sorry for them for having to put up with that”… to see men go through great lengths to hide all there past is one thing but then to see a “man” turn the whole thing around and make it seem like children abused him and he’s the real survivor of abuse is something that amazes me…. as they go on in life trying their hardest to forget all of what they put the kids through they create these stories to make themselves feel better and they believe that in being older we must have forgot what happened and we have it all backwards….

I feel like you are speaking from personal experience. If that is the case, please seek some help from a professional counselor. Someone who is objective can give you answers to the questions you ask and give you coping skills. Please. You will be so glad you did. Thank you for sharing. xoxo

I had a very dear friend who lived through the unspeakable. It’s hard to see how to live a normal life can be lived after it, but it can be. No matter your age or situation, please reach out. Otherwise, he wins and that bastard doesn’t deserve to win anything.xoxo

Wow! You hit the nail on the head! I have seen those types of “men” in action. (I put men in quotes because they just happen to be the age of men. A real man would never act the way these idiots do.) I will never understand how they can convince themselves that their lies are truth and how it is always the kids fault, or in the case of abuse towards a spouse, it is always the spouse’s fault. All I can say is pity them when they one day have to answer to their creator! Hell’s fires are pretty darned hot!

that’s exactly the same reason i put “men” in quotes elaine… most of them are trash (at least the ones in my life) that is true, at some point life catches up with them…. i have wondered if all men are like this and its become common or if trashy “men” have always been around..

Well I can guarantee you that all men are not like this at all! There are some wonderful men out there who are great Dads and great guys in general. We just seem to hear more about the bad guys. Yes, I dare say they have always been around but we talk more about them now and I suspect there are perhaps more than before but I can’t back that up. thanks for the follow!

I’ve been reading your posts and I am touched by your brutal honesty. I agree with you 100% that what we say and do to children affects them for life. It can build them up or destroy them. I am a teacher, so I have seen and heard everything imaginable. I also grew up in an alcoholic/abusive home. Some of the things that were said to me were more damaging than any of the physical blows. I plan to continue reading.
By the way, the pattern stopped with me. It sounds like you also have broken the pattern, simply by realizing how wrong abuse (in any form) really is. I could go on and on about this topic…
I also think getting your thoughts on the page is therapeutic for you and your readers. Thanks for baring your soul.

Thank you for the comment maryslow.. I agree with you on the verbal abuse as that is what was a challenge in dealing with.. I am glad the abuse stopped with you i think its important those cycles stop… the pattern stopped with me as well.. what grade do you teach?

That is just so freaking crazy that people do that. It makes my heart hurt. I wish I could run them over with a truck. But not kill them. Just enough agony to suffer for awhile. It’s just not fair to the kids. I don’t comprehend it.

First, I want to thank you for liking a post on my blog. I just love the sound my phone makes when I get a like or a message!
Second, I read this post and, as stated before, it made my heart hurt. I just don’t understand WHY. No child, or adult deserves to be abused, physically or verbally. I never really considered myself abused until my sister and I recently were talking and recalling the same instances of fear, etc., only it wasn’t our father..it was our mother. Her “discipline” was to totally make us fear her wrath and one never knew when it would erupt.
Thanks for your great post.

My mom was abusive to me, primarily, and less (but also) to my brother. She was also a drunk. She had me completely fooled until I was 44 and she was near death and the doc did a brain scan to see what was going on with her and found the kind of brain lesions that ONLY come with a lifetime of alcohol abuse. I never knew she was an alcoholic. EVERYTHING suddenly made sense to me; her manipulation, brutality, mind games, inconsistency and denial. Your post says it exactly how it is. They co-opt us to help them fabricate their world of illusion in which they are victims and therefore innocent.

Your post struck a chord with me, because I get so upset when defenseless children have to suffer at the hands of those older than them. So often, they suffer at the hands of someone they long to (or do already) trust. It is sickening when there are news reports of an estranged partner wounding or worse, killing their children, as supposed revenge, to hurt the other partner. And there are millions of children world-wide in some sort of slavery. I feel so horrible when I see children in public being treated terribly or spoken to abusively and I shudder to think what goes on behind closed doors.

Love this post. As a dad of two girls its so important that my main goal is their love connection to me and mami.. obedience flows out of such unity in most cases on its own. I rarely have to discipline my 6 year old now, my 3 yr old is well… 3 but I don;t spank… seems backwards to teach them that violence is ok from me when disciplining them… not anti it… just don’t need to use it anymore…

great post, I grew up in a culture where spanking and some form of hitting is considered as a way of disciplining a child. I’m a bit in a grey area regarding to this since to some a little spank or two works on account to discipline but of course thrashing your child, choking or hitting them with a fist black and blue is absolutely different. That is really an abuse and parents nor anyone should not even do that.
And some people especially sociopaths is likely to believe that what they did is what is just and that the person “deserved” it.

Our parents didn’t even raise their voices to myself and my brother let alone hit us. My mother was hit as a child and although she doesn’t remember how often her mother used to hit her or if her memories were extreme incidents she vowed never to strike her own child.
Mum always used to say that violence is a manifestation of powerlessness, to control, manage, articulate

Your thoughts in this post are so interesting. I have a friend who wrote a memoir about her abusive childhood called “The Red Glass Memoir” I think, and there’s a part in it where she writes about an elementary or middle school class of hers is talking about child abuse and what abuse is. This was like 50 years ago, so spanking kids was the norm back then. But she’s thinking about what her stepmother does to her and where that falls in, when some kid talks about abuse being if it leaves a mark and she thinks about what her stepmom does that doesn’t leave marks but is abusive. Your thoughts on the men acting the way they did for themselves, instead of for the good of the children involved, and fear, reminds me of that and her strength and her journey, and the questions in all of us who have survived when we doubt whether it was important or question what it meant.

i’ll have to check out that book… exactly, i mean how a parent raises\disciplines their child varies i am both for and against spankings i guess it just depends… but how far some people take it is a whole nother story… thank you for the comment jenny..