He has begged and pleaded and tried everything. He went to my parents house alone and told them everything. He called her in front of me when I found out and told her it was over. He went for std check up. He has showed his face at school lots of times (she is school run mum and my friend if 23 years). He has been to counselling. He has installed Find My Friends on his phone so I can track him. He has done everything I have asked and more. But I can't let it go. He now says all his love for me has died. He says its been eroded by me throwing it back in his face, or bringing up the affair every single day. Which is true I have. But I see her every single day. 3 times a day at school and preschool runs. Our eldest and middle schildren are in same classes and are best friends. She's a snake and he is worse. I'm trying but I just can't do it. But still I love him to distraction. Help me.

Im presuming you are still together. Do you think it's time to call it a day . I couldn't do it day in day out with it all screaming at me in the face. Perhaps you need to extricate yourself somehow. I vaguely remember the thread , is moving schools dot Dcs not an option ? ( recall you said not) For some an affair can be moved on from for others it's a deal breaker ( it was for me) !

I also think you should go and see your GP. You have had an enormous amount to deal with, the birth of a child is enough on its own without your H having an affair. I do not think it is reasonable for you to be able to 'move on' in any given period of time.

Your husband seems to be working to his own agenda! He cannot expect you to fit in with his imagined time scale of when you will forgive him!

It's hard when you get to this point , I remember getting there and saying is this the kind of mum I want to be? Is this how I want my kids to think of me ( barely functioning , exhausted and depressed constantly on the brink of tears) at that point you have to decide what's best for you and them. He is the one who's created this situation and I agree the timescale is immaterial !!

Try to get some sleep ( unless you are in a different time zone) get up tomorrow , put on some lippy smile and say good morning fuck you to the OW. Walk through the playground with your head held high Make an appointment to see a solicitor and take some control of YOUR life. Do it for yourself and your children( time to get angry it really helps) That well worn saying on MN ' fake it till you make it' and you will . Sorry got to go as important meeting tomorrow and can't be falling asleep !!will check in in the morning ((hugs)) be strong for your beautiful Dc's they need you. Xx

Its very hard to deal with an affair. Your oh seems to have been trying very to turn things around hasn't he but if you are bringing it up every day then I don't think any relationship can survive the constant stress that that brings. I know its hard but if you really want to move on and start afresh then you have to let go and start a new relationship with him. If you can let go of the affair (which is totally understandable) then maybe you have to call it a day as you and he cannot live like that. Relationships can and do survive affairs especially when the husband is prepared to do as much as yours has done but 8 months of daily picking over the wound will definitely kill off whatever you are trying to rebuild. What happened is mind blowing. If he has said that he has no love left then maybe he cant do it anymore. What do you want Op? Do you think there is any chance that he will try again if you can move on? Do you want to?

I remember your thread. Wasn't he the one who was happy to let you think that you were going crazy as you knew something was wrong? It was tearing you apart for weeks. He wasn't sorry that you were going through hell, he was still happy to shag your 'friend' it only bothered him when he got caught. How long would he have let it go on otherwise? That's the behaviour of a total selfish bastard.

I couldn't get over it especially not with having to see her 3 times a day.

I think you need space from both him and her. Time to get your head together and decide what you really want.

Don't let him blame you for this, for any of it. He betrayed you horribly when you were pregnant and that was his sole choice. Its going to take a lot more than a few months of platitudes from him to heal from that.

It took me 2 years of doing, feeling, raging to forgive and move on when this happened. I only forgave because for 2 years he took it all and never blamed me or angered at my sheer grief and fury.

Then ten years later he started another affair. This time we both knew there was no point in trying to fix stuff- the process is so fucking agonisingly painful.

You are going to be ok without this man.He won't stand by you while you try and mend. Your happiness lies elsewhere. Keep talking and writing; there are some wonderful women on here with the best advice and support. I wish I had had MN all those years ago.

You don't owe him forgivness or a reconciliation, so if you can't forgive and forget, its not your fault. Its still all his. Not only are you out a husband, you're also minus a friend. And I'd say your confidence has taken a knock.

I know you love him in some sort of way, bit this is eating you up. Tell him to leave. Giving it a try didn't mean you had to forgive him. It still his mess. Move on now. Tell him to sling it. You'll feel better for it.