A month ago, Hospice began coming to my father-in-laws house and they asked him if he wanted a DNR order left at the house in case an ambulance was called for him and he indicated that he did. My husband was looking through the paperwork left by hospice and found no such form left.The nurse from hospice has been wanting my husband to leave his job and meet with her when SHE is available. She says she needs to go over my father-in-laws condition face to face. Well, when my husband shows up, she says very little or that nothing has changed and the last time she was close to an hour late.She did not show last week and called today at noon asking my husband to meet with her and he told her he could not leave work. She said she had other patients who needed her more and she needed to talk to him about "things." Never indicated what they were.My husband told her two weeks ago that he cannot continue to leave work on a whim everytime Hospice needs to give him a bath, talk to him or bring a potty chair or take down a hospital bed. She has been off standish ever since making remarks when my husband is with his dad, "well, I KNOW your son is very busy."When my FIL had VNA coming out, they would just text him messages or call him to pick up perscriptions, etc.Is there some sort of secret code within Hospice that they refuse to use modern technology and must talk to someone face to face? In the age of phones, cell phones, texting, email and heck, even uploading a video to YouTube, why are they doing this when they know it is putting a strain on the family to leave their job to say a few brief words?It is even better on their end to put something in writing to the family to document what is said to avoid any confusion or misunderstanding.Anyone else had a problem with Hospice in this way or difficulty getting a DNR from them? We thought they were actually there to help family. Not make things more difficult.

3 Answers

drop her like a hot potato. hospice is supposed to be there for the family as well as for the patient.

the first hospice case mgr that visited my dad was off putting, but i tolerated it. next visit she was dismissive of his caregiver. third strike, she did not want to drive on dark windy roads as night to deliver a pain med.

WHAT???? she is a case manager in the sf bay area. dad lived in a suburb. that's her job.

i diplomatically called her superior and explained all this. stated my expectation was to be supported and comforted by this person and could not imagine having her around when my father was in active dying if this is how she was at the outset.

her replacement was pure GOLD and provided everything that hospice stands for and more. i am forever grateful.

~you gotta advocate all the way down to finish line sometimes... {{{BIG HUG}}}

Than you terim. We have had concerns and just that gut feeling that things are not right. When my mom was care giving for my grandparents and my other grandmother had a helper, and later my mom was care giving for my dad, we never dealt with Hospice -- so this has been a new experience.My FIL went to the hospital today and the places on his legs that the nurse said was just new skin and my husband insisted were infection, well the ER doctor said, "yes, these legs are infected."

I would drop this hospice. This woman has some sort of issues and seems attracted to your husband and is pursuing him. This is unprofessional and highly inappropriate. I suggest finding another hospice. Every area has more than one choice. I would also report all of what you just wrote to then too. No, it is not normal for a hospice nurse to demand to see your husband. She is pursuing him for her own interests.

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