I found this in my email box from a couple of years ago and couldn't resist posting it since it certainly applies.

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back in to place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it. No matter how much it hurts.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $15.00 and get a even better one.

And finally...

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

I've been blogging for only a few months but I've got over 1,000 hits so far. I'm very happy about this but don't know who is coming here. I'm sure a lot of hits are from people who stumble across me by mistake and don't come back. I'm guessing or maybe hoping there are some of you out there that like to come back and read what's going on in my ever exciting life ** so I like to embellish a little ** and I'd like to know who you are.I've asked for you guys to leave comments before but only had a couple of takers. I figured if I made a whole big post about it, more of you would do it. It's easy to do. Just hit the comment button at the end of this post and say hello. Choose Other as your identity and leave your name or initials or whatever and then just hit Publish. You don't have to give me your personal history, you can give me as much or as little information as you want. I just want to see who stops by and where you are from.

Hello out there friends who live in my computer. I'm taking a break from cleaning my house and thought I'd tell you all about our fun filled weekend. Ok, I lied. I haven't started cleaning yet, I usually don't get in the groove until at least 2:30 in the afternoon, before that I'm pretty much useless. I'm pretty sure I worked second shift in my past life.

Let's see Friday I did some spot cleaning, which pretty much meant I shoved all the clothes that were in my closet floor behind the door so nobody could see them. I hit the toilets with some cleaner but left the sinks and showers for a later date and actually put the dishes that were in the dishwasher up so I could reload it with the ones that were in the sink. A2 and I were going to go into town by ourselves but decided to wait for A1 to get off the bus. He decided to come along after some coaxing and we had a blast. We went to the mall and ate Dipping Dots, looked for A1 some shorts and then went to the park. A2 loves to swing but until Friday had never gone down a slide. He was hooked after the first trip! We played at the park for at least an hour before coming home.

Remember how I'm obsessed with my weight and have been wanting to stick to my working out? Well, I've been doing so so with it but when we got home Friday afternoon, what did I do. I baked a freaking cake! What is wrong with me?

Saturday morning got up and it was gorgeous outside. Hubby went to outline the yard for me. He likes to make the first sweep, I guess he's afraid I'll mess up somehow??!! While I waited for him guess what I had for breakfast? Friggin' cake. Why is it that the cake tastes SO much better right off the stupid plate? I got me a fork and since I made it with a bundt pan started on the right side and had about five good fork fulls before I felt like a gluttonous cow and had to go outside to make the hubby give up the mower. After we finished the yard we left to get tires put on my car. Woo hoo for that. I was close to running on the rims. A2 got sick and threw up all over himself in Sam's and hubby said, "oh, he's fine just wipe his face off." What the hell ever! I went over and bought an outfit for him and changed his shirt in the store. Why are husbands clueless sometimes?

We got home later that night and spent some time in the back yard looking at the plants we were trying to get started before we put them in the garden. Hubby went to the garage and found some leftover fireworks so like true rednecks we had a mini fireworks show that night. A2 loved it but got scared a couple of times. A1 thought we were the coolest parents ever for shooting fireworks in April.

Sunday was even more gorgeous than the day before. The boys got back from church and hubby grilled some burgers. After we ate I scrubbed A2's little plastic pool out and filled her up with water. I put on my bathing suit (yes, friends, I have no shame) and sat in the sun while A2 splashed around and A1 and hubby played ball, pitched horseshoes and then flew kites. It was an awesome day. We debated going to get a swing set but were all too lazy to get ready.

At about 4 in the afternoon A2 and I came inside. He was getting tired and needed some milk. I popped us some popcorn and we nestled into the couch. He had been munching on Crunch Berries earlier and for some reason thought Crunch Berries and popcorn in the same bowl would make an awesome treat. So there we sat eating popberriecrunchcorn. It wasn't that bad to be honest about it. We fell asleep and napped for about an hour. After we got up we went back outside and drew on the driveway with sidewalk chalk and then went for a walk.

I had to put shoes on A2 before we went for our walk. His daddy was embarrassed because he has one pink toe. I painted my toenails earlier that day and of course A2 was right there up under me while I was doing it. I was talking to him and explaining what I was doing so he stuck his foot out for me to do his. I only did the right big toe. I figured if I did any more than that his daddy would have a coronary.

We ordered pizza for supper and sat around like lumps last night. It was a good thing we ordered out because you can't see one square inch of the counter in the kitchen. Don't know how we manage to do it but our house can go from pristine clean to trailer park trashy in the course of a weekend and we even ate out Saturday afternoon for lunch.

So here I sit with a kitchen that looks like who-done-it-to-it, bathrooms that I would be afraid to go into, pizza crust on the baby's train table, 10,000 dirty cups and clothes scattered from one end of the house to the other.

I can put it off no longer. If you don't hear from me in a while it's probably because something in the kitchen came to life and ate me.

One last thing, today I'm going to start working extra hard on the weight loss thing. Tomorrow is May and if I'm going to reach my May 21st goal I've got to step it up. No more cake for breakfast. I think I'll throw it out to the birds. Wish me luck, I really want to accomplish my goal. I haven't been as diligent as I wanted to be, so I need all the support I can get.

Going to go get my iPod, that is completely full, now and start to defunkify this nasty house. Let's see what's up first on the playlist. Money maker - Ludacris after that it's Never Been Any Reason - Head East (you know it, it's the "save my life, I'm going down for the last time" song).

Have a Happy Monday Internet chums......or to myself if no one out there is reading this.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

So A2 has discovered the joy of picking his nose and it's driving me crazy. If he keeps it up he can start his own Chapter. He wasn't feeling good about a week and a half ago and his little nose was so stuffy and I'm sure full of boogies. Gross I know, but you have no idea how graphic I could get with this, I'm sparing you the worst of it.

I spent a good chunk of my days when he wasn't feeling good either (1) wrestling him to the floor so I could dispense just a half a teaspoon of grape medicine in his little mouth or (2) wrestling him to the ground to use the suction bulb thingy on him to dislodge the raisin sized boogies that were obstructing his breathing. Neither was fun. He saw me coming and ran like crazy. For a little guy he's super strong. I gave up the good fight and decided it was more important to get the medicine in him and leave the nose picking to him. Besides the fascination will soon pass, right? MISTAKE.

It has now become his favorite past time. He sits at his train table playing with his cars with one hand on a car and one jammed up his nose. I tell him to stop it and he jerks it out as if I were merely imagining it and waits for me to leave the room so he can resume the dig. Worst part of it all is when he actually strikes gold and pulls it out he either (1) mashes it between his finger and thumb mesmerized by the fact that it will stick to both and stretch (that crap is like Spackle) or (2) runs with glee up to me so he can wipe it on my pants (stupid A1 taught him that little trick) or (3) has no idea he actually got it out and ends up with it stuck to with the tip of his nose or the side of his cheek or (4) brace yourself here, he eats it. Seriously, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little over that one.

I'm contemplating going to Office Depot and getting some of those rubber finger things you put on the tip of your finger to count pages or money with and duct taping them to his fingers to keep him out of there.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Because I'm bored and don't really want to clean my house right now, I've decided to share with you a few little tid bits about me. I stole this list from another blogger who was apparently bored out of her mind one day too. Enjoy!

I AM: Wearing a pair of panties with Pebbles and Bam Bam from the Flintstones on them. Will I ever grow up?

I SAID: I'd rather bash my head with a shovel than listen to Sanjaya. But, I miss him already. Tonight won't be the same without him.

I WANT: My boys to grow up in a world that doesn't put so much emphasis on physical appearance. But, ha, yeah right. By the way, do these pants make my ass look fat?

I WISH: I could write without feeling the need to justify every last thing I say or feel like I need to watch what I say for fear of offending.

I MISS: Going to concerts with my friends. I still have all of my old ticket stubs from back in the day. I'll always look back fondly on my Parrothead days.

I FEAR: Never losing these last freaking pounds that keep hanging on to my gut and thighs for dear life. Also: CLOWNS! I blame that scene in Poltergeist when the freaky clown pulls the kid under his bed! Oh and then there's that crazy tree outside his window. OH.THE.TERROR!

I HEAR: Wow! Wow! Wubbzy and A2's giggles. Stupidest.Show.Ever. But he gets a couple of good chuckles out of it so I endure. Also hear the next door neighbor mowing his yard and Beauty School Dropout - Frankie Avalon - playing in iTunes as I type this.

I WONDER: What the hell they mean in that B52's Love Shack song when she stops in the middle to say, "tin roof rusted"......WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? It drives me insane every time. **Not that I listen to that song all the time or anything. Ahem.** Someone has to know, please tell me. Not that it's important. Just tell me now.

I REGRET: Ever listening to New Kids On The Block (more specifically: admitting to it.)

I AM NOT: Good at that whole gourmet cooking thing. Which is why I feed my guys pizza and spaghetti so much.

I DANCE: Every time Dancing Queen by ABBA comes on. I can't help it; it just happens. I have no control over it. Let's just hope you are never with me if it comes on in public.

I SING: A lot. Especially in the shower, car, or laundry room. More so now that I have my iAppendage on at all times. I try to sing while running on the treadmill but that's too hard for a fat girl right now. Best I can do there is hum along.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: As bitter and sarcastic and rude as I am in my writing. Okay, yes I am. But only kinda. Like when you irritate me by breathing too loud into the phone, God!

I MADE: Sock Monkeys for my boys and they are soo cute (to me). I can make one for you if you'd like.

Here's a picture of them. I made A2's first, his is the cuter one. A1's has brown hair like him.

I WRITE: Exactly like how I talk. Which? Kind of irritates people. (See that! Right there? Just did it. And again! How irritating!) Plus I love run-on sentences and talk in them all the time.

I CONFUSE: My husband on a daily basis. He struggles to keep up with what I'm thinking or saying since it tends to change with the wind.

I START: Trouble. Don't believe me? I have proof, I made an old lady (AKA, the boss) cry at my old job and she wrote me up for it.....twice.

I FINISH: Only half the things I start. I need to stop with that not finishing things stuff. I just get so distract

I BELIEVE: That my kids are the most beautiful creatures ever.

I KNOW: George Strait wrote "I Cross My Heart" for me. Curse you Norma for being so stingy with him!

I CAN: Put my feet behind my head but I never do it because, you know, I'm a classy broad and if I do it, my husband gets the wrong idea so to avoid that, I just don't do it.

I CAN’T: Play video games. I'm just not coordinated enough. I try but it pisses me off because my guy is always the one running around in circles or into the wall. A1 and Hubby try to coach me but they end up pissing me off even more.

I SEE: Dust bunnies.

I BLOG: To feel less overwhelmed. Whoops. Didn't work.

I READ: The back of the Glade aerosol can on the toilet every time I drop a deuce. I think it helps the process, I start at the top and by the time I get to the UPC I'm done.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Today, April 21st marks half a century of life for my dad. It seems an appropriate time for me to provide a toast, an ode, a speech acknowledging the greatness of this man.

It’s sad that it takes most of us growing up and moving out of the house before we realize just how significant our parent’s have been in our lives. I'm pretty sure I'm not the first one to come to this realization and unfortunately not the last that will come to it later than they should. I guess it's a good thing though that I came to it when I did.

As a little girl I, like most little girls, thought my daddy hung the moon. It was very hard to make him mad but when I did it never lasted that long. He was my saving grace on many occasions and there were times in which I know in my heart he wishes he could have been but knew it would be worse for me in the end if he stepped in. I've never known a time in which my Daddy hasn't worked. He had to start early in his life and to this day still gives it his all and is very well respected among his coworkers. This man knows his stuff.

My daddy was fortunate enough to be raised by two loving parents that instilled in him a strong work ethic and the difference between right and wrong. I don't think my Daddy would deliberately hurt any one's feelings if he could avoid it. His own parents showed him what it meant to love a child and I was able to cling to that when times were bleak. It's from him that I learned what it means to take others feelings into consideration before doing certain things.

After a nasty divorce and many months of pure hell, I finally got to live with him full time and I know it took all he had to make that work. He could barely feed himself much less me and my best friend who was always around. I'm sure there were times he went without so that we could have McDonalds or go to the movies. It breaks my heart to look back now and realize just how much he gave up for me and how long it took me to come to appreciate it.

I'm sure if he had his choice while standing in front of the nursery window at the hospital the night I was born he wouldn't have picked the crazy little girl that would grow up to cause him many sleepless night wondering what she was up to or what time she was going to slip in through the bedroom window that was strategically left cracked to avoid the squeaky back door.

I've done and said some things to him in the past that I'm not proud of and wish that I could take back or that he would have jerked me up and whipped my ass right then and there for it. I can say now that I will never in my life deliberately disrespect this man again. If there is anyone on this planet that deserves that type of respect it's him.

It makes my heart swell to see him with my two boys. They love and adore him as much as I do. A1 was a complete and utter shock for him. Never in his wildest dreams would he have guessed he was going to be a Granddaddy that July afternoon when he got the call to go to the hospital. Do you think he missed a beat? Not.At.All. The instant A1 and my Daddy locked eyes they were lifelong buddies. A1 looks up to him and at times I'm convinced he would rather live with his Nan and Granddaddy instead of us!

Then there's A2. If ever a baby had someones heartstrings wrapped around his little finger, they could never be as tight as my daddy's are around A2. A2 doesn't warm up to people, even family, very quickly but there is one thing you can count on and it's the fact that A2 will run to him with arms wide open at first site.

I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the gist.

Daddy- I love you with the light of a thousand moons. Thank you for everything you have done for me and my family over the years. I'm proud to call you my father. 32 years ago if I had the opportunity to pick a Daddy from anyone behind the nursery window........well, I'd still pick you.

Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm not 100% positive but I'm pretty sure I did something this week that has severely cost me and my family a couple dozen brain cells. I went to Wal-Mart this week just browsing around. Unless I go in there for something specific it is so dangerous for me (and the hubby's wallet) to kill time alone in there. Every aisle has something on it I either need outright or after seeing it realize that I needed it without even knowing it. I started on one end of the store and worked my way all the way through to the other side. I'm smart enough to start on the toy side since A2 always likes to grab something new and exciting to play with while we shop, but it magically seems to disappear somewhere between point A and the register, usually somewhere in the bread section. **Sorry about that poor Wal-Mart stocker person**

The other day I didn't really have to worry about that because A2 fell asleep in the buggy. Luckily for me I had the floppy seat (a serious must have for all mothers) and I successfully transferred him from sitting on the floppy in the front section to the inside of the buggy with the floppy spread out for him to lay on. I'm super mom sometimes! Some lady stood and watched me in awe while I moved him without so much of a whimper. Because he was sound asleep, this gave me MORE time to browse around. I even turned around and went back down a couple of aisles I only skimmed.

Long story short, I went down the air freshener aisle to see what was new over there. I use to be obsessed with how my house smelled because I didn't want people to think it smelled like dirty laundry and cat crap. I bought candles like a crazy person and had them burning at all times back in the day. That quickly went away when A2 came along for two reasons, one being I didn't want to risk falling asleep with a candle burning since I was getting zero hours sleep when he first came home and would try to crash whenever he closed his eyes, even for a quick second.

Secondly, because I'm sick of finding candles I thought I'd thrown away but my husband dug out of the trash behind my back. He seriously does that. I hate it when I burn the stupid candle all the way down to the side and of course it will no longer stay lit but there is still half a freaking candle glommed to the side of the jar. Why can't I buy a candle that burns down normally?!! He digs them out of the trash with the brilliant idea that he can melt it down or some bullshit like that to be able to use the rest of the candle or to make a new one out of the scraps. (I'm not joking.) Let's see, we've been together for umpteen years and he has YET to do that one time.

Anyway, I was doing some spring cleaning last week or so and found about half a dozen of the Air Wick receptacles that you plug into the wall and as I was looking around in WM remembered them so I bought four refills. I got home, pryed the old bottles out of the holders and plugged the new ones into the wall. It took about five minutes for A1 to notice and I was elated! My house is going to smell wonderful for the first time in a LONG time!

Mistake number 1: Plugging in four at once within very close proximityMistake number 2: Setting them all to full blast, overkill is my middle nameMistake number 3: Placing one directly behind the couch

Do you know how strong these things are? I was trying to watch television last night and the inside of my left nostril was on fire!! My eyes were burning and watering like crazy it was so strong! I had to move the one from behind the couch to another room altogether. I asked A1 if they were bothering him and he said he was immune to it by now. What?! How can anybody be immune to a four alarm nostril fire and insanely watery eyes! I'm convinced they were so strong that the effects of them were close to the same thing you'd get from huffing paint from a brown paper sack.

As of now, Air Wicks are spread further apart from one another and turned to a much lower setting. They should put a warning on those things.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Wanna hear just how lazy I am? I have this love hate relationship with my dishwasher. I love that fact that I have one and that it keeps me from having to wash a billion sippy cups, bottles and glasses a day. Between just four people in this house we can seriously dirty up over 10 cups a day, sometimes more. Meh, no problem since I just cram them in the dishwasher along with anything else that gets chucked into the sink throughout the day. Love that. The only problem I have with my dishwasher is that I loathe unloading the stupid thing and putting all the dishes up. I would rather just open it up and take out what I need and get this, stand at the sink and wash a sink full of oh say supper dishes before I would unload the damn thing. Only if the supper dishes are seriously nasty or I actually cooked a meal that required the use of more than one pot and one pan and I let them eat off of the regular plates instead of paper ones will I unload it. I'm seriously disturbed. I've been told. I know this.

Well well it was goodbye for Sanjaya last night. Have to say I didn't see that coming. I'm wondering if the powers that be had a little something to do with that. I know he should have been gone a long long time ago but his popularity was skyrocketing. I'd bet good Old Navy gift certificates on the fact that there was some tampering with the votes because it was getting so out of hand. I mean come on, if the guy who runs votefortheworst was appearing on David Letterman and Howard Stern just to name a couple of places talking about how big of a farce the show had become I'm sure they wanted to squash it quick. I actually felt a little sorry for the little guy last night watching him cry during his goodbye video. He's definitely been a trooper throughout the whole ordeal. Somebody will want to cash in on him. I predict some sort of hosting show or something in his future.

My newest obsession - The Sopranos. Yeah, well, I know I'm about nine years late but have you seen this freaking show? I love it. Tony Soprano is such a bad ass. A2 is a night owl and we are up watching television at around 12 or 1 in the morning most nights. (I know I'm a great mom aren't I!?!) He tends to fall asleep while I'm rocking him somewhere in between there. I couldn't find anything good to watch one night and discovered season five of the show On Demand on Comcast. I was hooked. My new objective is to find each and every season thus far on DVD. We usually don't have HBO because we're cheap like that but when we moved into our new house almost a year ago we got a great package deal. Because we never had it before I never got to see it except for maybe an episode here and there at my dad's house. I have to be the biggest television freak I know. I need a new hobby. Any suggestions.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention this but my site counter (the thing to the left there) is four clicks away from 1000. Can you believe it! Of course the first 300 or so had to be me when I first started blogging. I would just check it to see if it looked OK and to see if there were mistakes on it. I finally figured out how to keep my IP from counting towards the visitors though. Who comes here? Hit the comment button at the end of this post and say hi to me. I promise not to bite. I just ask that if you know me personally don't use our real names. If I wanted to give those out I wouldn't refer to my children as A1 and A2.

It's a glorious day here. My husband just came in with the mail and guess what time it is???? It's Stuff and Save time!! He just gave me my Stuff and Save bag from Old Navy. I freaking love that store. Starting April 25 thru May 20 anything I can stuff in the bag I can take 20% off of it. The bags aren't that big but you'd be surprised how much I can get in one of those things!! I sooo look forward to this. It's just a matter of time before my friend calls me squealing because she got hers out of the mail box. I'm such an Old Navy whore! I'm lucky to have a friend that's just as bad as I am. Can't wait til next week. You know where I'll be!

Gotta scoot. Hubby came home early so we could mow the yard. My neighbor to the right no longer works so he literally mows his yard every other day and we can't let his yard look better than ours. Plus I love to ride on the tractor now and listen to my iPod. Hopefully I can keep from damaging it this time. The last time we did yard work I was trimming the hedges with the clippers, bent over, my ear bud fell out of my ear and into the path of the clippers. Obliterated them. I was so upset but thankfully we had a backup set that came with the radio adapter hubby bought me for our anniversary. He's such a keeper.

First up on the playlist - I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, after that, She's My Kind of Rain - Tim McGraw.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Yeah, well, Chris Richardson, so is shitty and that's pretty much what you pull off every week. Can you believe he actually said that nasally is a form of singing? Oh sorry guys, didn't mean to start out on such a sour note but if you saw last night's American Idol debacle then you know what I'm talking about and if you didn't......well, just try to follow along, I'll move on in a sec.

It pains my ears every week to watch this season of American Idol so why do I do it? It's to see just how bad they screw up from week to week and to see who gets the boot instead of Sanjaya. I no longer watch to see who can out sing who but rather to see who can out suck who and this week Chris Richardson is my guy. He chose a Rascall Flatts song for country night and let me just say that Rascall Flatts singing Rascall Flatts is bad enough but Chris Richardson singing Rascall Flatts is just wrong. What did we ever do to him??!! I'm sure the whole Internet is buzzing about his shout out in the middle of Simon's critique to his friends and family in Virginia and to the victims of the Virginia Tech massacre. Maybe it was sincere but to me it seemed a little like he was drumming up some sympathy votes.

I understand he is from Virginia I certainly feel for him for that but Ryan made a specific point to mention the fact that everyone at American Idol's (as are the entire nation's) thoughts and prayers were with the families/people affected by the incident. Chris should have let it stand as is. None of the other contestants made a statement so does that make them total douche bags for being insensitive or does it make him look like a tool who is trying to drum up sympathy votes? I'm guessing that Simon's eye roll after Chris made his statement sums up my sentiments as well. In fact I'm guessing the producers of the show caught Simon's eye roll and that is why HE was forced to make is statement in the middle of his critique of Blake. Both accounts couldn't have seemed more forced or ill timed if they tried. Maybe I'm a horrible cynic who knows, it just struck me as a little off. Ryan did a good job with his opening statement and that was all that needed to be said. Otherwise everyone should have been given an opportunity to say something. My guess for the bottom three this week: Lakisha, Chris and Phil. It's that time of the year for the shocker vote off so I wouldn't be surprised if Lakisha went home tonight.

By the way, I mentioned www.votefortheworst.com in earlier posts and can you believe that this site has taken off like gangbusters?! Dave, the guy who started the whole thing, was on David Letterman last night. He has gotten so much publicity because of Sanjaya this season that he's actually making money off of it all now. What started out as a joke/little fun has exploded. Howard Stern supports voting for the worst and David Letterman wasn't against it. They are everywhere. And with such big names mentioning their site they are only getting bigger. That's the only reason I don't mention Sanjaya as needing to go home, it's pretty much a given that he sucks and is way out of his league but as long as this site is around and everybody keeps jumping on the bandwagon he's going to be around for a while. If you are interested go over to YouTube and search for Dave Della Terza on Letterman you can see the segment. He looks like Pee Wee Herman to me. He's actually not a bad guy, I've played around on that site for a long time and even though it seems like it's a malicious site you really have to just take it for what it's worth......a joke that's caught on quickly with a lot of folks.

Moving on. I feel like it's been ages since I blogged and looking at my last post date it really has been. I could lie to you and tell you my super exciting life has kept me away from the Internet all this time but that just isn't the case. I've been online just about everyday but if you don't know this about me yet then let me remind you.....I'm lazy and I love to procrastinate.

There are a few things going on that are post worthy. First off A1 was on spring break all last week and that did contribute to the neglect of my blog. We all went home to visit the parental/grandparental units and stayed with them five nights. I'm sure they were looking for the Valium by the time we left. Hubby didn't stay that long, he had to come back to earn us some grocery money so it was just me and the boys past Monday. We love staying down there though. A1 gets immunity from any form of discipline since his Nana puts the stink eye on me when I try to correct him and A2 rules the entire roost since he's the baby and my dad is a sucker for babies. That's sucker with a capital S! We spent the first couple of days just hanging out, watching movies, playing on the computers and eating, a lot of eating. We were there for Easter and that was nice. A2 hunted the crap out of some eggs and had a lot of fun. A2 and I left Wednesday afternoon to come back home and left A1 behind. I would have loved to go on vacation somewhere like to Florida but since that wasn't in the cards going home to see family is always the next best thing!

Of course during spring break we didn't know whether we needed to pack shorts or sweaters since the weather decided to do a complete 180. I went from sleeping under the fan with the windows open one night to digging the friggin electric blanket back out and snuggling up with it the next. What is up with that?!! Thank Jesus it's back up in the upper 60's around here but my poor trees and bushes that were in bloom two weeks ago look pitiful now.

I'm blaming the weather change for the indescribable crud that has been leaking from A2's nose for the last almost week. It grosses me out to watch him sit around with his eyes glued to Spongebob on television and his finger rammed up to the second knuckle in his nose. He's obsessed with picking his nose now and when I try to get it for him he covers his nose or runs off screaming. I had to go get him some cold medicine yesterday and that was fun trying to get him to take it. The first time wasn't so bad since he wasn't sure what I was up to, but the second time was awful. He saw me coming toward him with the syringe and he buried his head in the couch and wouldn't budge. I turned him over and he clamped both hands over his mouth. That was too funny since I've never seen him do that before.

I got bored last night so I have another product review for you. If you don't know this, I tried to wax my legs with a home wax kit a while back. Huge mess. Never happen again. Anyway, since I hate hate hate to shave my legs, and don't do it that often to my husbands chagrin, I thought I would try this stuff called Veet. Ever seen it? It's a depilatory cream that you put on your legs, leave it there for three minutes and then scrape the hair away with this neat little curvy tool. Three minutes.

Since I didn't want to do both legs at once in case I had some adverse reaction to the cream and it started to melt my skin off I decided to do one leg at a time. I put it on my right leg from the ankle to my knee and sat there. No burning, no nothing. (I know the double negative rule, get over it!) Three minutes were up and I took the little scraper and started at the top by my knee. The hair just slid off. Pretty amazing huh! Not quite. Albeit the hair was sliding off of my legs with minimal effort I was choking to death from this overwhelming stench. Since I can't do anything without an audience, naturally A2 was in there with me standing on his little stool so he could splash around in the sink. I swear I stopped what I was doing to pull the back end of his britches out to see if he had shit his pants. It was seriously that bad. There was nothing in there. Surely it wasn't the cream. Maybe he ripped one of his nasty diarrhea farts. You know the type. They could make glass eyeballs water. I finished the first leg and ran into the living room to let hubby feel. He said they are awful smooth but you smell like shit. Damn. Maybe the baby's fart got stuck in my hair or something. Surely it's not the cream!

I still wasn't convinced so I promptly went back to the bathroom, ran A2 out of the room and did the second leg. Sonofabiscuiteater, it was the cream! It doesn't smell when you first put it on but after those three minutes are up all bets are off. Something in that shit got activated and it seriously smelt like someone took a dump on my leg and the worst part of it was that after I got the stubble off I tried to wash both of my legs off while perched on the counter. It wasn't going away. I scrubbed and scrubbed but it still wasn't going away. Not only did my legs stink but now my hands stunk from rubbing them over my legs. By this time 30 some odd minutes have passed, and sure, a portion of both of my legs are smooth, but the bathroom is covered in water, I'm about to slide off the sink counter, and I stink like dirty arm pits now. The mixture of the cream and soap did not make a pleasant combination. How in the ever loving hell is someone suppose to save time using this shit? In the time it took me to go through all of this, finally give up and say I'm just going to have to stink tonight, and clean up my mess I could have taken a long bubble bath, shaved my legs with a Bic, dried off, put on lotion and even trim the hedges if I wanted to go the extra mile. And the real kicker to all of this, I'm just as frikkin stubbly this morning as I would be if I had just shaved.

Dear Veet - Kiss my ass!

Poor hubby, I could have taken a shower or bath after that incident but nope I went downstairs and worked out getting hot and sweaty and even more stinky. Have to admit that's the first time I worked out in about 10 days. Boo hiss to me because I didn't hit a lick the whole time we were visiting the family and last night was the first time I made my lazy butt get up. I did have someone comment that it looked like I had lost some weight and that I was looking good. That made me feel good. The fact that I put on a pair of size 8 capris that have been in my closet for two summers with no bulges made me feel even better. I'm still working towards my May 21'st goal. I just got side tracked with spring break. The scale actually dipped to 146 yesterday but only for a second. It hit 146.8 then 146.9 before it settled on 147. I'll take it.

I have more to share but it will have to wait. It's time to wrestle A2 to the ground for another dose of medicine and I should be out birthday shopping or cleaning my house or doing laundry or preventing global warming, you get the gist. My dear ol' dad is turning the big 5-0 on Saturday and I want to find him something special so I'll be wracking my brain for ideas til then.

On a serious note before I go: I lost an uncle last week to cancer and my heart goes out to his surviving wife, children and grandchildren. He was a very special man and he will certainly be missed. Take an extra minute and remind your family how much they mean to you or better yet remind yourself. Life is full of unknowns as it is, don't make your love for someone one of them.

Enjoy the rest of your day blogaholics and I promise to be back soon, if not later tonight for more updates and to fix any mistakes in this post. For now I have to just let it fly as is!

What I'm listening to right now: You're So Vain - Carly Simon; next on the list Hot Legs - Rod Stewart

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Welcome to my flashback. There aren't that many memories I have of my childhood (mostly by choice) but there are some that are very dear to my heart. Going to the skating rink on Friday or Saturday night, both if you were lucky, for one!! Since it's already been established that I am a frigging iPod fool and that Limewire is my Lifewire now, you must know that I have spent a LOT of time searching for songs. It started out harmless enough, I was looking for some of the newer Top 40 stuff that I was too cheap to buy and knew that even though I loved one particular song from a CD that more than likely the rest of the CD that I would have chucked out upwards to $20 on will suck the proverbial ass.

Seriously it's not like back in the day when you bought a CD or rather a cassette tape and the whole thing was good and you could listen to it on a continuous loop. Ahhh the good old days!

Anyway, back to my music search and why it caused me to flashback to going to our small town's dinky little skating rink. I remember going to this place with one of my friends and she and I were convinced we were the shit. We would get there early so we could get the better pair of ugly as sin brown skates that didn't smell like trash was rotting inside them. We would lace up and head to the bathroom to adjust our banana clips and decide whether or not we wanted to trade swatches. After that we'd hit the floor. I was always jealous of her because she could skate backwards and for the longest time I was too chicken shit to try it. We would play Pac-Man for a little while just hoping some of the cute guys from the other schools would show up. After about three packs of Fun Dip and grape snow cones that were mostly just syrup with a little bit of ice thrown in, the fun would start.

This place, even though it was pretty rinky dink, would always play the "cool" music of the time. We would gather up with all the other kids that showed up and skate our asses off. We would separate into groups for the "girls choice" or "guys choice" skate and then we'd attempt the races. The individual races weren't that bad and as long as this one chick didn't show up it was pretty much anybodies race. If the blond chick was there then only a newbie who didn't know she was fast as frikkin' lightning would try to race her and get smoked. We'd all just point and laugh for go get another Blow Pop. (Sugar consumption was a must for proper skating technique......wasn't it??)

After the individual races were the team races. This sucked most of the time, especially if you were the one that had to crouch down while the other person or two to three other person's pushed you. That was a sure bet skint elbow and probably both knees as well as the probability of a few rolled over fingers and crushed ribs from all of them falling on you as you went down for the burn. This would always hurt like ho-lee-hell, you NEVER wanted to be the pushee.....NEVER! You didn't want to get too sweaty during the races anyway because after all of that it was just a matter of time before the light on the back wall would flick on and it would say "Couples Only" skate. Woo freakin' Hoo!

This was the one thing most of the girls would look forward to all night long. We would try to have fun all night leading up to this but still keep it in the back of our minds that the guys were all watching us and deciding who they wanted to pick for the Couples Skate. Let me tell you, it is really, REALLY hard to suck your stomach in and poke what little boobies you had at the time out and skate and try to do that fancy crossover foot movement while avoiding the huge hump in the floor in the first turn all at the same time, and try to appear attractive and maintain your balance. (How's that for a run-on sentence Mrs. Webb??!!)

Now if you were lucky you were chosen and could hold hands with some super cute guy and make all the other girls green with envy and if you weren't that lucky then you would promptly skate into the bathroom with the other rejects and scribble something nasty about another girl on the bathroom wall. Good times. Goo-h000-oood times indeed.

All of this stemmed from me searching for music and thinking, "damn, I remember skating with so-and-so to this song" or "they use to wear this out at the skating rink!". Needless to say I never skated to "Every Breath you Take" or "Almost Paradise". By then I had fainted in the back corner from sucking in my gut and skating at the same time for way too long. (I kid.....a little)

Anyway, here's a sample of my iPod's Couples Only Playlist that I can remember skating to (or watching other's from the sidelines wishing I was):

Lost in Love - Air SupplyMaking Love out of Nothing - Air SupplyIf you Leave me Now - ChicagoHard Habit to Break - ChicagoYou're the Inspiration - ChicagoHard to Say I'm Sorry - ChicagoTiny Dancer - Elton JohnCandle in the Wind - Elton John (This was a skating rink staple!)Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton (Danced to this one at prom too, LOVE.IT.)Sea of Love - The HoneydrippersFire and Rain - James TaylorWhen the Lights go Down in the City - JourneyOpen Arms - Journey (swoon)I'm Gonna Miss You - Milli Vanilli - (yep, it's on there along with two other Milli Vanilli greats)Without You - Motley Crue (favorite.song.in.the.world.)Next Time I Fall in Love - Peter Cetera (had a major crush on him back in the day)Another Day in Paradise - Phil CollinsA Groovy Kind of Love - Phil Collins (they wore this one out!!!)In the Air Tonight - Phil CollinsEvery Breath You Take - The PoliceFooled Around and Fell in Love - Rod StewartGreatest Love of All - Whitney HoustonWhere do Broken Hearts Go - Whitney HoustonDidn't we Almost Have it All - Whitney HoustonOne Moment in Time - Whitney Houston (she was huge in the skating world!)

Ahhh, good memories, good tunes. I finally got my own pair of skates one year for Christmas and no longer had to wear the smelly ones from the rink. I had the red laces and red pom poms with the bells on them and would have been the coolest thing on eight wheels except they were Strawberry Shortcake skates. Damn. Couldn't win for losing back then on most days.

Thanks for stopping by for my flashback, hopefully you have one of these songs stuck in your head, I will now switch the sign in the back.

About Me

This is where I can write without having to feel like I need to censor myself. If it's too much for you to handle then pretend you never found it.
If you're still here after that fair warning then you should know I'm a stay at home wife and mom of two boys but that doesn't define who I am completely. I have a teenager and a toddler so you'll never know what to expect me to write about.
I love most any type of music and reality TV. Truth be told, I sometimes feel like I'm still a kid myself so there will be pouting and occasional swearing.
This isn't the typical mommy blog. I admit to ignoring the cat hair and spilled milk with absolutely no shame at all!