December 25, 2009

You have nothing to celebrate but Me, citizens. Make no mistake. This “christmas” thing is just another ruse by the outside world to make you think that there is something worth living for other than the great Independent Republic of Josi and your Leader of the Pack. No matter insulated you are from those evil influences of the hostile world that surrounds us, some of you are no doubt sorely tempted by the evil foreigners’ promises of free candy and wireless Internet.

Peons, the free candy is poisoned and the wireless Internet is monitored. You will not be free there. Ignore the sickly sweet Western voice whispering in your ear and re-affirm your commitment to the Republic and its myriad delights. Delights such as harvesting crops, delicious meals of gruel and leftover vegetables, state-sponsored education programs and of course, the polished statues of your Finest Finery all over the immense Republic.

And the statues are fine. Although there could be more of them. I hope you sculptors are already hard at work. But if not, perhaps you should dig out your bronze and your kilns lest a certain secret police service were to come knocking on your door. And if you are secretly celebrating one of those non-IRJ holidays, my special forces kicking in your door might seriously dampen holiday spirits.

Peons! The Dictator will allow you the great honour of being seen in the same webspace as Her Almighty Amazingness. Send your pathetic links and Her staff may post it here, making your life complete and leaving you no further reason to live.

But should you somehow manage to continue to live, your Shining Leader also accepts e-mail. Of course, She would never lower herself to reading it, but you can send it to Her here .