(Disclaimer: Andrew Laker
is unemployed and has been so for nearly eight months. Therefore, his opinions
should not be taken seriously until he finds a job, wins a major award or
dies.)

Unemployment. It's a nasty thing,
and there are countless photojournalists out there experiencing it right
now due to staff cutbacks in the media world. Most are getting acquainted
or reacquainted with filing for that weekly pittance from the government,
as well as rediscovering how to make a meal with Ramen noodles, cold cuts
and Jell-O.

Unfortunately, being unemployed
is anything but a vacation. It's a full-time job, and photojournalists,
pressed to find gainful employment, must enter a different field. Sales.
No, not the kind of what-size-trousers-do-you-wear-sir sales. The sale of
oneself. Prostitution? Not hardly. Resumes and cover letters must sell your
wares, your skills, to a potential employer. And, as I'm getting pretty
experienced as a self salesman, uh, myself (though I'm
still waiting for that big sale), I'd like to share some of my thoughts
on the application process.

COVER LETTERS A cover letter
should be simple and to-the-point. They're not hard to write if you know
some of the basic rules. The most basic ­ Try not to start every sentence
with "I." Also, it really isn't necessary to state "I'm applying
in response to..." It's obvious why youčre applying. You're a poor
slob in need of a job and they have an opening! Begin your cover letter
with something punchy, a killer opening that will immediately capture an
employer's attention:

"I murdered my entire family
last week."

Good, but, like I mentioned,
don't start your sentences with "I." A more appropriate opening
would be

"Murdering my entire family
has given me a unique perspective on photojournalism."

Guess which one gets the interview.

Basically, your cover letter
is like the opening credits of a movie - it's boring and no one pays attention
to it. Well, not exactly. But it should hint to your audience what is inside.
Briefly lay out your skills and summarize your qualities the employer will
be seeing when looking at your resume and portfolio. Also, buy a couple
of cover letter books to help you. They're cheap and plentiful at your local
book hut, and they really will help your form and style to the point no
one will understand what the hell your letter is saying.

PORTFOLIOS Your portfolio, above
all, is what will land you an interview. While I can't tell you exactly
what to put in it (other than a variety of your best stuff, duh), there
are a few unspoken standards that most employers abide by: 1. Number of
images should be between 20 and 40. 2. Your portfolio should include a photo
essay, preferably one self-generated. 3. If on CD, the portfolio should
contain a self-running or interactive program. 4. Don't enclose bananas
or any other perishable food items along with your work. 5. Don't expect
to get your portfolio back, or ever find out why the photo editor stomped
on it, vomited, then burned the portfolio at midnight in a satanic ritual.
6. Including cutlines isn't a bad idea.

Follow these simple instructions
and soon you will be on the right track to ridding yourself of the unemployment
louse (in theory). However, if your portfolio is equal in quality to another
applicant's, both of your overall applications will be compared. This is
why your resume needs to shine.

RESUME Your resume will not get
you a job. That isn't its purpose. The purpose of a resume, along with your
other materials, is to get you an interview and give the employer a splitting
headache. In my research, I was surprised to discover the standards for
composing resumes have changed a lot since man stood upright and scratched
on a cave wall the words "Me want job." But the most surprising
change is this: Do not put an objective on your resume, rather, put a summary
of your skills at the top.

Objectives are outdated, and
they generally declare what YOU want from an employer, not what you can
do for them. Most of us have struggled with finding just the right words
for our objectives, and the result usually ends up terribly cheesy, i.e.

"To obtain a position where
I can uphold the ethics of photojournalism and be challenged regularly with
assignments and use my creativity to explore unseen stories in the community
and still have time to go home and play with my dog, Pooky."

Well said, but it's so much
easier just to get rid of it entirely. After all, the employer doesn't care
about Pooky, and may wonder if your ego is too big to handle a bake sale
assignment.

Here are a few other rules you
should follow: 1. No typos on your resume are allowed. 2. Don't get cutesy.
3. Don't get philosophical (the potential employer may disagree with your
take on the creation of the universe). 4. No stains. 5. Lastly, don't put
your picture on the resume unless you're a model. Face it, if you were good
looking, you'd have a job by now. We photojournalists, in general, are a
pretty gruesome-looking bunch. But, if you feel you absolutely must put
your mug on a resume, it's best to scare the living hell out of someone
with it. I've long theorized that frightening a photo editor into hiring
an applicant is how most people land jobs. Here are some examples of how
your ominous-looking mug should appear:

So, that's it. These are the
basic truths I've uncovered in my search for employment and, hopefully,
you have found them helpful. Other topics such as references, getting critiques,
mastering the interview, and what to do with all those rejection letters
will be covered later. Until then, happy hunting, feed Pooky, and don't
murder your family.