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Friday, November 12, 2010

It's Rampage Time.

Dear Animals of the World Ducks, Geese and Deer of North Carolina,

First of all, let me extend to you my deepest sympathies for the losses many of your families have suffered in the recent months. I know that many loved ones have been sacrificed for the dinner plates good of mankind and let me be the first to say I'm sorry. Okay,let's be honest, I'm really not that sorry. Its just that you all taste deliciously and look really good above my fireplace. You may not want to hear that, but it's true. Unfortunately for you, but very fortunate for the hunters of the world.

As you may or may not know, I have yet to harvest any of you. And yes, friends, this is my your fault. I'm not trying to be bitter but at this point, I have nearly 2 months in and nothing to show for it. So, yeah I'm bitter. Don't you see how scrumptious the corn is that is under my stand? Isn't my blind cool enough for you to fly over? Do my decoys look deadly anti-social? I assure you, they are here to party. Am I telling you something mean or inappropriate with my calls? Truthfully, I don't speak duck nor deer so I'm not sure what I'm saying. Is it because you don't think I'm pretty enough? Is that it?!?!?

What I'm getting at is that this weekend is the first day of late duck season. Early duck season yielded nothing. Nothing yet for archery. You hear that, mallards? Woodies, you got your little, stupid ears open? I'm out for blood. It's rampage time. You won't know where I am. You can't see me but truly, friends, I can see you. I hear you and I'll be watching.

This letter kind of went to a weird place. Completely to the left of where I had originally intended it to go. But. Yeah. I hope you all have a great day.