I Love Television

Who's the Boss?

[Before I begin this week's unintelligible rant, run and set your VCR right now for the season premiere of Arrested Development (Sun Nov 7, 8:30 pm, Fox). It's the funniest show on TV, and I'll sock anybody in the nut-box who says otherwise. We now return to my unintelligible rant, already in progress.]

AND ANOTHER THING! For some unfathomable reason, people are always pooh-poohing the big boss man! "Boy, my boss STINKS," exclaims one. "Oh, yeah? My boss gargles diaper gravy," replies another. But what about the bosses' feelings? (And apparently, they do have them.) Who comforts the boss-man when his employees are stealing office supplies to the tune of $25,000 a year? Who dries the boss-man's tears when a project doesn't get completed because of YOUR gross incompetence? And who whispers, "There, there, sweet baby" in the boss' ear when he's being grilled by a federal investigation committee regarding his frequent, and fiscally damaging, lies to stockholders? NOBODY, THAT'S WHO.

That's why TV has finally come to the rescue of the socially maligned "boss" with a brand-new reality show that finally gives your employer what he's always wanted--REVENGE!!! It's called My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss (debuting Sun Nov 7, at 9 pm, Fox), and though the title may lead you to believe the joke is on the boss, it's actually the employees who (FOR ONCE!) end up holding the poopy end of the stick.

Based on last season's hit show My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé (which parodied dating shows like The Bachelor), My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss takes on another popular reality standby, The Apprentice. In order to get a corporate dream job, a dozen "CEO wannabes" must impress the Donald Trump-ish, "Mr. N. Paul Todd"--eccentric jerk and founder of the nonexistent IOCOR Corporation.

And though the $25,000 the contestants are playing for may be real--nothing else even comes close. "Mr. Todd" is an improvisational actor whose sole responsibility is to scream "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" and put the 12 competitors into increasingly humiliating situations--which includes being attacked with a paint gun.

After the two teams complete the embarrassing task, two members of the losing squad will be sent to the boardroom to get fired. HOWEVER! Where would a post-modern reality show be without a "shocking twist ending"? This time around we discover that an actual high profile CEO has been deciding who gets kicked off the show all along. Who could it be? My guess is that big round-head Jack in the Box guy--but then, I'm mentally retarded.

So as you can see, this show is a great opportunity for bosses from all corporate walks of life to enjoy the LEGAL torture and humiliation of a bunch of high-falutin', college-educated, back-talkin', goof-offin', water cooler-chattin' employees--and without all those annoying post-employment harassment lawsuits! And who knows? Maybe we'll even learn that bosses have feelings, too. Even the diaper-gravy gargling ones.