{2:24 minutes to read} Have you been in situations where people have asked what you think they should do? They probably see you as someone who has experience and whose advice they most likely trust.

As the professional or as the friend, you may feel good that someone in need is coming to you for professional or friendly advice. The temptation is to share your experience with them and give them a solution. However, that knowledge or personal experience might be even more beneficial if you ask questions rather than giving out answers. It will take a little more effort on your part, but it’s well worth it to those you are trying to help.

Why Asking Questions?

It’s easy to tell someone what to do, but do they learn anything that will help them when confronting their own situation? We like to think they do, but no one can fully understand what others are experiencing, even if their situations are similar. Why not ask them an open-ended question that requires more thought and not just a “yes” or a “no” answer? The benefits of that are many. Asking a question helps people:

Think in and outside of the box;

Look at things through a different lens;

Think about how their choices might look in the future;

Analyze if their choices might have unwanted consequences;

See how their choices might affect others; and

Visualize other options.

By asking questions, you solicit conversation, which can trigger thought, exploration, creativity, and possible new solutions. Just providing answers does not allow people to come to their own conclusions or feel in control of their decisions. And the answers you provide may not be the answers they want to hear!

People need to go through their own thinking process to fully grasp a situation. Give them that opportunity by asking questions rather than providing answers.

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediatordivorce and family mediation
upper east side of manhattan (nyc)
new york, ny
(212) 472-8626
info@safianmediation.com
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what people are saying

“I wanted to thank you for being such a help in this situation. It might not seem like you’ve done much but just having you there in the room changed everything – really. I do understand that its not your job to take sides and that its important for you to remain impartial. I do wish it were possible to show you, though, how radically different that conversation was just because you were there listening.”– MB.

“Thank you Jennifer for guiding us through our mediation and divorce. I had no knowledge of what to do or expect. I was guilty of believing these myths. Thanks for a fightless, smooth agreement.”– Safian Mediation Client

“Jennifer Safian is a remarkable mediator. She is able to combine realism and compassion and she brings both to the mediation table. Her intelligent and thoughtful approach empowers parties to be the very best they can be when crafting a divorce agreement, focusing on the best interests of all involved including the children.”– Jenny Besch, Director, Mediation Center Serving Westchester & Rockland Counties

“Thank you so much for your help through our separation. As difficult as it is, you have been such a calm and reassuring force.” – A.F.

“I wish I had known that mediation even existed before we went and spent all that time and money on legal fees and got nowhere. Thank you for helping us work things out in such a short time.”– B.

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Satisfaction For You Both

In mediation, you can be as creative as you wish to be. Only you know the specifics of your lives, what works for you and what does not. As your mediator, I’m there to help you “think outside of the box”, if necessary, sometimes coming up with non traditional answers, but answers that will satisfy not only your financial needs but your emotional needs as well.