Weighed Down and Heavy

I am going to be straight honest right now, the oppression that I am continuing to feel is unreal. I am feeling so heavy and so burdened at the moment, for so many things.

So my last post, I talked about how I didn’t want to walk into church. I didn’t want to do anything that morning. I literally wanted a do over. I wanted a get out of jail free card. I wanted to somehow magically pick up and move on and get to a new place and try again. I was frustrated with where I was at and where I was going.

I will tell you, church was what I needed. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear or do at the moment but I knew it’s what I needed to do. I don’t always listen when I realize that. Many times I choose my own path and then have to deal with the repercussions of that. But I got a bit of encouragement and heard the message that I needed. And then I went back into captivity. I went back to grind of the day. I quickly fell back into things. It is a daily struggle and daily battle.

Every time I feel like I make a step forward, I feel like I make 5 backwards. I feel like I keep treading water and like I am making no headway with my life and where I am going. I am overwhelmed…people keep telling me things…meaning well…as I know that I did when I approached people but sometimes, we don’t realize the fight that the person is going through on the inside.

I know what is going on in my head constantly, I can only imagine what other people are going through. Sometimes we just need people to listen. Sometimes we just need to be held. Sometimes we need that cheesy word of encouragement. Sometimes we just need the phrase…”I can only imagine.” or “I’m sorry.” We don’t need anything else. We just need to feel loved where we are at in that moment. We don’t need a 100 Bible verses or you should do this or that. We just need to be heard. I have realized that I have missed many opportunities with people just to listen. I feel like I have something to say. I don’t have anything to say. God has something to say. I need only speak in those moments what the Lord has laid on my heart. I need to step out of the moment and let God step into the moment.

We all get burnt out. We all feel overwhelmed and heavy. We all want someone to just listen and just be there. We don’t need a lot of advice. We just need to process through it ourselves and have a sounding board. We need to not judge each other with where we are at and what we are going through. We aren’t that person, we don’t know exactly. Why is it so hard for us as Christians to let our guards down and really meet people where we are at? That’s what we want others to do for us….why are we so scared?

All this comes from what I am going through and what I realized many of us are going through, especially after a conversation at work. We all need a human being to talk to. Because part of the way that God loves on us is by sending specific people into our lives at the moment that we need.

This Christianity thing, it isn’t easy. It’s hard. There’s a battle…at least one that we are fighting every day. And we need help from time to time. We need to not be afraid to ask for help. We need to love those and be there for those who ask for it. We need to discern when someone needs it and listen when the Lord shows us that someone is in need. Life is not ever going to be perfect. Yes there are going to be blessings and good days but we have to realize that there are going to be challenges and be there for one another as we face those challenges.

I’m so glad I ran across your blog today! It seems as if you were writing from my own perspective in your last two posts. Lately I have been constantly plagued with the burden and consequence of my own choices. I have focused so much on what I want (or realistically what I think is easy) and it’s left me stuck in a place I can’t seem to get out of alone. You are so right in that we need to meet people where we are in life without pretending.

In your last post you stated,”I’ve gotten used to functioning not okay. And that’s not okay.” I’m am right there with you and that statement alone spoke volumes to me today.

I am a new Christian, and sometimes it seems as though when people turn their lives over to God things are supposed to magically become perfect as we learn exactly what we should be doing with our lives. I have been discouraged because things seem even harder now than they were, but it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in feeling down. Thanks for your great posts!

Heather, thank you so much for sharing! It’s encouraging to know that others understand what I share. I’ve realized that for too long many put up this act that life is all perfect as a Christian. It’s not. I have something though that helps get me through the tough times and the daily trudges of life. As much as I’m weighed down I know it’s not a forever weight. I’m learning to let go. We just have to keep giving it over to God but just be honest with where we are at. It’s okay to admit that we are struggling and hurting. We don’t have to do this alone! Take care girl! God’s got you! 🙂