113996: Etiquette of talking to women

What is the etiquette of talking to women in general and in the following situations: buying and selling; teaching and learning; meetings to discuss work, such as explaining something specific to her? What is the ruling on lowering the gaze in these situations? When is it permissible to look at women in general? I hope that you can explain in full detail.

Praise be to Allaah.

Speaking to
non-mahram women may occur because of a need or it may occur needlessly.

If it is
done needlessly and only for fun and enjoyment, then there is no doubt that
it is haraam and comes under the heading of the zina of the tongue and ears
of which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) spoke when
he said:

“The son of
Adam’s share of zina has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get.
The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina
of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hands is touching, and the zina
of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part
confirms that or denies it.”

Narrated by
Muslim, 2657.

When there
is a need to speak to a woman, the basic principle is that it is
permissible, but it is essential to pay attention to the following
etiquette:

-1-

The
conversation should be limited to only what is necessary and has to do with
the matter at hand, without talking too much or branching off into other
topics. Think about the etiquette of the Sahaabah (may Allah be pleased with
them) and compare it with the way things are today. The Mother of the
Believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated the story of
the slander (al-ifk) that the hypocrites accused her of; in her
hadeeth she (may Allah be pleased with her) said:

Safwaan ibn
al-Mu‘attal al-Sulami al-Dhakwaani was behind the army and had set out at
the end of night. In the morning he reached the place where I was and he saw
the shape of a person sleeping. He recognized me when he saw me, as he used
to see me before the hijab was enjoined. I woke up when I heard him
saying Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (Verily to Allaah we
belong and verily unto Him is our return) when he recognized me, and I
covered my face with my jilbab. By Allah, we did not exchange a word and I
did not hear any word from him apart from his saying Inna Lillaahi…
He made his camel kneel down and put his foot on its foreleg (to keep it
steady), then I mounted it, and he set off, leading me on the mount, until
we came to the army.

Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 4141 and Muslim, 2770.

Al-‘Iraaqi
(may Allah have mercy on him) said: The phrase “and I did not hear any word
from him” is not repeating the previous idea (“we did not exchange a word”).
It is possible that he did not speak to her; rather he spoke to himself or
he recited Qur’aan out loud or said dhikr out loud such that it could be
heard. But none of that happened. He did not speak to her; rather he used
silence in that situation out of good manners and politeness, and because of
the seriousness of the situation in which he found himself.

This hadeeth
also shows good manners with non-mahram women, especially in the case of
being alone with them out of necessity in the wilderness or elsewhere, as
Safwaan did when he made his camel kneel without speaking or asking
questions. End quote.

Tarh at-Tathreeb,
8/53

-2-

Avoiding
joking and laughing; that is not part of etiquette and dignity.

-3-

Avoiding
staring and always trying hard to lower the gaze as much as possible; if
there is a quick glance for the purpose of speaking, there is nothing wrong
with that, in sha Allah.

-4-

Not
softening the voice, by either party, or choosing soft words; rather they
should speak is the same, ordinary tone of voice as they would speak to
anyone else. Allah, may He be exalted, says, addressing the Mothers of the
Believers (interpretation of the meaning): “then be not soft in speech,
lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for
adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable
manner” [al-Ahzaab 33:32].

-5-

Avoiding the
use of any words that may have some suggestive meanings, and so on.

-6-

Not going to
extremes in embellishing one’s speech . Some people use their skills in
communication with others by movements of the hand or face or by quoting
poetry or proverbs or romantic phrases. This is a means that the Shaytaan
uses to open the door to haraam attraction between the sexes.

Ibn
al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

None of the
poets see anything wrong with talking to, addressing or looking at
non-mahram women, but this is contrary to Islam and common sense, and it is
exposing oneself to temptation. How many people have been affected in this
way with regard to their religious commitment and worldly affairs. End
quote.

Rawdat
al-Muhibbeen, p. 88

We have
previously discussed this issue in the answers to questions no.
1497,
59873,
102930

On our
website there is a section devoted to some of the fatwas that have to do
with the etiquette of talking to women; please refer to it.