I wish I could tell you that I wake up at the crack of dawn, quickly jump out of bed, and sing the praises of being the early bird that gets the worm, but I don’t. Instead, I get up when my alarm clock tells me to. But even when it tells me to, I violently hit its snooze button 3-5 times before slowly rolling out of bed. And there aren’t any praises in the morning, just slightly loud cursing and threats at the inanimate object that wakes me up every morning.

There are things I would wake up early for, like Saturday morning cartoons, Macy’s sales, and the opportunity to stick it to senior citizens by getting up before they do, being the first in line when McDonald’s opens their doors, and buying all the coffee. But something I would not get up early for is the Jimmy Dean Sausage and Cheese on a Croissant Breakfast Entree.

Look at that picture above. Would you want to get up for that? If I woke up next to that, I would roll onto my side, fall back asleep, and hog all of the blankets, letting it get cold.

The sausage and cheese croissant, which makes the Burger King Croissanwich look like filet mignon, is in the tray’s main compartment, seasoned hash browns are in the upper right, and diced apples are in the lower right. I felt the need to point out where the hash browns and diced apples are because they could easily be confused, like Gary Busey, Nick Nolte, and zombies.

Jimmy Dean is known for his sausage and in this entree his sausage was tasty, albeit small, but EVERYTHING else didn’t come close to the quality of Jimmy Dean’s sausage. The croissant, which are usually crispy and flaky, was tough, chewy, and nowhere near flaky; the apples tasted like apples and they had a slight crunch to them, but they weren’t sweet, which made them quite bland; and the hash browns were lightly seasoned, but not seasoned enough to make you forget how soggy they were.

If you thought all of that was disappointing, I shall continue the dismay by saying the Jimmy Dean Sausage and Cheese On A Croissant Breakfast Entree has 50% of your daily recommended allowance of saturated fat, 1050 milligrams of sodium, and three grams of trans fat. The amount of trans fat is the most disheartening because if KFC, whose middle name is Fried, can go trans fat free, why can’t Jimmy Dean?

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to roll onto my side, fall asleep, and hog all of the blankets.

Item: Jimmy Dean Sausage and Cheese On A Croissant Breakfast EntreesPrice: $4.79Size: 7.6 ouncesPurchased at: SafewayRating: 3 out of 10Pros: Sausage was tasty, but as for the rest of it not so much. It makes a Burger King Croissanwich look good. Contains all four major food groups.Cons: Sausage was small. 3 grams of trans fat. Croissant was chewy and not flaky. High in sodium and saturated fat. Hash browns were soggy. Apples were bland. Gary Busey, Nick Nolte, and zombies

They should have served Apple Sauce instead of cubed apples to give more visual contrast. The two sides as is almost look alike, and I’d be REALLY upset if I mistakenly bit into a hash brown when I REALLY wanted a bite of the diced apple (or vice versa).

I attempted to try one of those Jimmy Dean Breakfast Croissant Sandwiches they sell at Costco in the big box (without the apple and potato sides), but after just one bite, that was it. Next.

When I’m a senior citizen, I’m gonna’ hang out in front of Long’s Ala Moana starting at 6am every morning and play ukulele with the gang.

For all that want it, I’m making breakfast at my house tomorrow. You see, i’v been home because of surgery and tomorrow I can finallly use my wrist freely. On the menu, biscuits, home fries and country ham (that I have sent from North Carolina). All are welcome. Just call me…

@Danalyn – They do look kind of pale and frail. I think Sally Struthers should make an infomercial about donating a quarter a day to help nurse them back to health.

@Heidi – Mmm…Two potato dishes. It’s like going to Wendy’s and ordering the fries AND the baked potato.

@Pomai – I have yet to witness that at Ala Moana, probably because I’m still in bed. And when I’m a senior citizen and Ala Moana has five levels and 1,000 shops and restaurants, I probably won’t hang out there in the morning, unless its Longs value book week.

@Chuck – And don’t forget to buy all the coffee before the senior citizens do and drink it all right in front of them.

@Anonymous – You haven’t seen many vaginas in your life, have you?

@Neil – That must have been really good sausage if Elvis was that desperate for it.

@Molly – I read it with my contacts, glasses, and monocle. It does say 560 calories.

@Kylie – I’m glad to hear you can use your wrist freely. Tomorrow I will probably have a bowl of Lucky Charms and Morningstar Farms faux sausage. Oh, and oatmeal…because I’m old.

@rossitron – If they got into a fight, I would not know who to root for. Actually, I would root for the crazier one.

Dude, the BK Croissanwich IS good. It’s my fave fast food breakfast thing. Of course, I don’t eat meat so I just get it with egg and cheese, and whatever meat comes on it otherwise may well ruin the damn thing. But I love it.

Disclaimer: I’ve only had the ham/cheese version (which, by the way, has much less fat–although it’s still has trans and saturateds…and a lot of sodium)

The croissant isn’t flaky, but it’s from a MICROWAVE…so that’s to be expected
The potatoes have a mild flavor, easy on the stomach in the morning
The apples are slightly crispy…with a brown sugar glaze (but the glaze is on the bottom, so be sure to stir)–a nice sweet treat that sure beats a big stack of waffles with syrup

I’m a big “eat some protein” for breakfast advocate…and, while I’d prefer my normal fried egg, slice of bacon, 2% cheddar on a whole wheat english muffin, this breakfast is GREAT to have when you don’t have the time (or inclination) to pull out the skillet.