Hi. My husband and I we are invited to my cousin wedding this June. Our son, who is 20 years old is not invited. We do not want to accept the invitation based on the fact that our son who is an adult and he is not invited. It is going to be a 200 guest wedding. If the bride ask me my reason for not going, I am not sure what to say. Any ideas?

Why exactly do you think your son should have been invited? Children of invitees are not required to be invited, adult or not. You seem to be implying that they should have invited him because they are inviting 200 people and one more won’t be an imposition. 1) One more may very well be an imposition as the location will have a limit on the number of people allowed. 2) If all of the children, even just the adult children, of their 200 guests were invited, that woukd add up quickly.

You can decline the invitation for any reason, but why do you need to give a reason? Send in your response that you won’t be attending and leave it at that. If the bride follows up and asks why (which I seriously doubt will happen), say “we have other plans.” Your other plans could be staying home and watching TV.

I agree with Winifred on all counts. Others are not required to invite your child if they invite you somewhere. It is very possible, even likely, that your cousin + fiance (who may not be close at all to your son) may actually have 200 people in their lives who are more important to them then he is. Personally, I know my cousins to a certain degree, but I do not have relationships with their children. I would not expect to be invited to their life events if I did not have a relationship with them. I did invite my cousins (but not their children) to my wedding. I had a wedding with about 220, and with all of my and my husband’s friends and family, business associates, the people our parents wanted to invite – the children of our cousins did not make the cut. I simply wasn’t close enough to them to try and squeeze them in to an already stuffed venue. It is erroneous of you to think that he is entitled to an invitation and that your cousin is at fault for not issuing one.

Further, if you can attend and would normally do so, I would encourage you to go. As a 20 year old, I’m sure your son has about a million other things he’d like to do, anyway, than attend a wedding. However, if you are set on declining the invitation, all you need do is return the response card in the negative. It would be nice of you to send a card, sending your best wishes to the couple. They would probably never guess in a million years the reason for your not attending, and would think poorly of you if you were to articulate it.

There is no reason your son should be invited unless he has a very close relationship with his cousin once removed. To object to attending a wedding because your son was not invited is extreme. It reflects badly on you. I urge you to RSVP yes and to go and have a good time. However, if you RSVP no simply said that you did not wish to attend. Keep your complaint about cousin once removed not being invited to yourself as it is an unreasonable requirement and not something you should burden the couple with. Your son is not a minor and he is an adult he is not required to be issued an invitation along with yours.