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Dr. Darcy Has Been Seen On

I’ve been married almost 20 years and during that time my husband has had some online shenanigans that he’s sworn have ended but I continuously find out that he’s still up to his old tricks. The latest occurred when he accidentally took my phone to work, leaving me with his phone (they are the same phone – you can’t tell them apart, and we have the same pass code), and I was sitting in the middle of a meeting when a texted picture of some strange woman’s breasts appeared on the phone and when I opened it, I saw that she was responding to a text from the day before – from my husband – of his penis! Is this something that can change? Is it an addiction? Should I just end the marriage? What would you do?

ANSWER

The greatest prediction of future behavior is past behavior. If you do what you’ve done in the past in response to the recent penis text, you’re going to get the same result. If you grab your ovaries and summon up a modicum of self-worth and do something different, you just may get a different outcome.

Listen, it’s easy for me to sit here in my living room sipping coffee and weigh in on what I’d do if I were you. The truth is I’ll never know what I’d do unless and until I am in your situation. But what I’d like to think I’d do…and more importantly, what I think you should do is pack your bags and get the fuck out of that house. Take drastic action in the hope of provoking drastic change. Now whether that change comes in the form of an ah-ha moment in your husband or whether it comes in your own realization that you deserve better is unimportant. What is important is that you stop relying on your husband’s ability to change. You need to change. And until you do, you’re husband’s going to keep texting his business to any willing participant. And judging by recent headlines, there’s no lack of women willing to participate.