There are quite a few submissions that are rather brief, this time around. That said. I'm fairly confident I will still have plenty to say.

Goals and Intentions: I can sympathize with having a franchise frame of mind. You say this is meant to be a long running series--I wonder how much you have planned. The trouble with at least 80% of all longform stories in this medium is that they wither and die before their time. Burnout is a treacherous, insidious element to long form story telling. From what I can tell, you don't see it coming until you one day look at your page in progress and wish you were doing anything else. This will test your intentions, because in order for any "lovable and long-running series" to flourish, it needs to feel like a labor of love. That love can be tested, but it is immediately apparent to any reader when it breaks.

This is not to say that I see any indication of such things so early on. On the contrary, it seems a lively, saturated story at the outset. That isn't so much a judgement as it is an observation--you seem to have a fair amount of material to work with, if the intro is any suggestion.

Art:It's not a style I particularly like or seek out. Bear that in mind as I go through my thoughts, as my palate is not refined enough in the manga style to make any clear and objective observations about aesthetic conventions. What i can say with some confidence is that although you have not posted many pages of art, I am not struck by any unique, personal touch. To my eye, the style is merely a pantomime of the vaguely manga-esque approach. Going back briefly to what you mentioned about your desire to spark affection from your audience, I have to believe that style is a big part of that. From what I have gathered, people almost uniformly seem to prioritize the visuals of a comic over any narrative. Aesthetic appeal is going to come from a unique personal approach or a compellingly loyal recreation of the beloved established styles.

As it stands, I cannot say you are achieving either. I think the problem is some conflict between what you want to draw and what you feel you should due to the conventions of the style you've chosen. I can tell you have ideas, but they're being strangled by the cookie cutter aesthetics. The best example of this problem is your character design. I know, it's early, but Alex and Marco are functionally identical except for colors. Their features are otherwise the same: nose shape, eye shape, facial structure are all pretty much identical. Their character, the character in your head, in your mind's eye, is completely smothered by manga conventions.

Like always, I'm going to only briefly mention that you have work to do, as we all do. You say that one of the purposes of the comic is to refine your skills, and so I will leave that to you. The fundamentals are always important to hammer again and again, and everyone needs to work on them (myself included), so I don't feel the need to go into too much detail. I can point out strange faces that look glaringly wrong (Alex on Page 2), and I can say your limb-torso length ratios are whack. Other than that, it's the same trials we all have--hand anatomy, perspective, foreshortening. These are ever present struggles.

As a final note, I'll say that I'm ashamed to see that pretty much everyone in the world seems to know how to color things properly, or at least properly enough to fool color brainlets like myself.

Writing:Let's begin with something that I am sure you have heard before a million times from other sources--the lore dump as your opener is a big barrier to entry. Even as a person who enjoys world building and whimsical introductions, I have found few comics who have ever been able to pull of a front loaded intro. It's too much information about a world with which I have no emotional connection. I know it may seem like a pittance to you--as my own infodumping mistakes seemed to me--but I can assure you of the harsh reality: nobody other than you really cares about the world in your head at the beginning.

There are big potential issues buried in the intro, all related to that first problem. You have four types of magic, all with custom names. Not only do I not know how magic works at all in your setting, and not only do they all look like light magic (photomancy), but there seems to be 0 connection between the magic system and the establishing backdrop of the kingdom conflict. Yes, you have a segue stating that the existence of magic retards the advancement of technology, and that this dynamic has led to the existence of kingdoms. This is a statement without proper context, and even with context, it is unnecessary and awkward.

The kingdoms themselves, and their respective bride and groom, have no character--and I recognize that there is no obligation to establish their character so early. What I'm saying, however, is that there is no thematic spine to their existence, and no distinguishing aspect beyond their flags. NOW. If this is, say, an anti-war story, where the narrative bite lies in the eerie distance between the people and the kingdoms who are warring, then this could work, but as it stands, THAT effort is sabotaged by the nature of the intro, which brings me to my final word on the introduction:

An introduction/prologue is powerful when it sets the mood, establishes thematic expectations, and/or when it introduces "the gun" so to speak. Your intro does not have any of this. It is a Guide to My Comic. It functions as a pamphlet distributed to your readers as a reference, and when a reader feels like they're being given a reference guide to a work they have no prior interest in, they will turn of IMMEDIATELY. It won't be worth the effort for them, and it has nothing to do with your storytelling skill or intentions. It has everything to do with the fleeting whimsy of readers, who have virtually countless comics from which to choose.

You mention your concern about dialogue, but it is far too early to make any meaningful claims other than that the exchange between Alex and Marco does establish character and sets some expectation of the group dynamic. I can say no more than this. The dialogue seems sufficient, which is good enough, but it is informative, which is a big plus. As a final note for this section, I have to point out some very awkward English structure in the intro. Read through it. You'll see some incomplete sentences, but more importantly a total lack of grace and poetic lilt. It is rigid and clinical, which only serves to reinforce the intro as a manual rather than as a narrative tool.

Summation:Your comic suffers from a lack of flair and a lack of character. This could be just because it is early, but I bet it is due to more pressing problems. It is rote and mechanical, when, given your intentions, I expect a more vivacious, passionate flow. Your own creative intent is smothered by unremarkable visuals and clinical story telling. It is formulaic, not in that it is predictable, but in that I can parse it perfectly into pieces. You have a much better following than I do, in much less time, so feel free to pass me by, but I would wager you could capture more attention by letting the creative font flow more freely. If this is meant to be a lovable, long form epic, then show me.

Thank you so much for the critique! I can tell you put a lot of time and thought into it, I'm surprised you managed to get that much actually! I feel that almost everything you said was super accurate, I'm feeling super motivated to work on it after reading your feedback!

Goals/Intentions:Now this, I have to say, is a unique goal--to spread awareness about the happenings of the Philippines. I have to ask why. I'm confident there's good reason, don't get me wrong, but it is such a high concept that I feel compelled to know the context. I will say, in the interest of honesty, clarity, and context, that the Philippines are definitely a place that I never give a passing thought. Now, I imagine most people don't give most countries even a single thought. There's a lot to think about. Still, maybe that's why I'm intrigued by this motivation on yours--it is a unique goal, about a uniquely under-the-radar nation that has only recently gained attention due to its uniquely colorful leader.

All of this said, I have to admit, I did not pick up on the Philippines setting unless explicitly stated or when I was reminded by Filipino/Tagalog language moments. I'll go into this more in the Art section, but it bears mentioning now that my reading experience was compartmentalized. There were normal episodes, and there were informational episodes. The former were the usual comings and goings of the characters, and the latter were what felt like specials, where I would get a taste of Filipino culture. This may or may not be a problem, depending on the nature of your intent. I can't call it a negative either way, personally.

Art:Right off the bat, I'll say that I have no technical issues. Granted, I may not have as critical an eye, and I am certainly not in the top percentile of artists--so perhaps I'm just not equipped to detect the errors. At the very least, take this as assurance that the layman will probably not have too much to say against the technical aspects. Perhaps there are arguments to be made for the first half of the comic so far, but recent page confirm that you have the system down.

I'll take this time to make my cardinal praise: this is one of the cleanest, most polished looking comics I've seen, when it comes to the art itself. No errant specks or lines, nothing more or less than need be. It seems a functionally perfect economy of detail. The linework is confident and slick. Yeah, I don't have anything to complain about, technically. I guess I could resort to nitpicking consistency... R gets slimmer or plumper in numerous frames, L's torso-arm ratio fluctuates, etc...

Now, Stylistically... If you were going for adorable, you've succeeded. Classic Disney with a splash of CalArts. Hard to not go "D'awwwwww....", especially when that little girl shows up. That heartwarming, hopeful tone you're going for? It's accomplished before a word is said by this style. It is warm and comfortable. No doubt this is helped in great part by the crayon/chalk strokes, the pastel cloudy backgrounds, and generally warm color. Truth be told, I cannot think of anything I can objectively call out as an issue when it comes to the art. It's form fits its function. It complements your goals. My only thought about that is a question about the Philippines, again. It's a story about living in Philippines, and at least half of the relevant cast (L and Andre) are foreigners. What's more, R looks not-Filipino as well (at least to the untrained, foreign eye that I have).

This is only a problem insofar as, once again, it seems to blur the spoken interest in putting a spotlight on the Philippines. The overtly Filipino cousin and her husband are the only real glimpse of natives. This is made all the more intriguing by your decision to turn all background characters into identical shadow people, which I can only imagine is a method of saving time, but it conveys a message of "These people are basically like the ones who are actually fleshed out." That is a strange pairing when half the cast is foreign born. Like I said, this is only really a problem if your intentions about Philippines awareness are high octane. Otherwise, I didn't think anything of it.

As a last note, and question, I have to wonder about R's leg hair. I know there's an attitude out there now about body image, and I have no intention of unraveling any of that myself, but for the record, I will state that it is comically shocking to see such a traditionally cute art style suddenly have aggressively hair legs on a woman. It is definitely eye-catching. Personally, I found it gross, but, again, I recognize there's an alternative approach to such things online these days, so it's more an observation than a nitpick.

Writing:There are some interesting things going on here. That's not necessarily a good or bad thing, mind you. I'll start with my most important observation/grievance: I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on, really. If there's a plot, I can't see it beyond the incremental intimacy between L and R. Outside of their courtship, I feel like I'm being taken on a journey by the Ghost of Christmas Present--events seemingly happening in parallel to one another, all disconnected by place and context, but connected by cast and general theme. From your description, I 100% expected a serial work, not the episodic chimera you have, here.

This could be a time bomb. I came into this review ready to call the episodic nature of your comic a non-issue, but I think I changed my own mind. The story is often disjointed, awkward, and strangely paced, and this flies in the face of the advantages of an episodic series--the reliable cycle and comfort of process, the thematic flow, etc. I'll say again that I can perceive no narrative structure or arc beyond the slow burning romance between L and R. We intersect with their lives now and again, no more or less. I am left hollow. The cute art style begins to take on a new, less endearing meaning.

The real culprit, here? Your choice of tone--heartwarming and hopeful. My cardinal complaint about your comic is that it is not hopeful. Not only that, but, as it is now, it is inherently incapable of being hopeful. There is nothing to hope for, because there is absolutely zero peril or conflict. Being episodic means it is rigidly loyal to the status quo--everyone likes everyone, everything works out, there are no meaningful pressures on the status quo beyond L's momentary spat with his brother (which, being episodic, comes out of nowhere without any context) and R's temporary stress about her job (which just comes off as one of the informational episodes, as I mentioned earlier).

Your comic is cute, but it is constantly treading the line between sweet and saccharine. It is constantly in danger of being insipid, despite the many soliloquies about internal mental and emotional struggles. You have troubled characters who overtly talk their way out of any potential darkness, or they are immediately rescued from dark places by nearby characters. These moments of doubt and fear are not conflicts, they are essay prompts. Suddenly, I'm not so sure if I'm reading a comic or a scrap book of motivational posters from high school. There is nothing to hope for in your hopeful story, because the characters have it already. The people around them love them, accept them, and are actively helping them. Perhaps they're hoping to be free of their doubts and fears. Well that doesn't work much, given how routinely those doubts and fears are confronted and rationalized away. And it's not even like we see lingering doubt. We see open acceptance. The status quo is eternal--except, apparently, for L's social ineptitude, which is quick becoming more a prop than an actual problem. It causes no real problems, it only introduces new ways for the people around him to do right by him.

Summation:If you are trying to write a narrative of any kind, then you should seriously consider introducing meaningful challenges to be overcome. Otherwise, any hopes (heh) you have of writing a genuinely uplifting and life affirming story are doomed to being superficial, saccharine, and hollow. Your art style is adorable, but it suffers the same fate as the writing--if it is not backed up by some authenticity, some degree of meaningful, encroaching, challenging darkness, then any character it might have had is soured and turned into off-putting banality.

Thank you so much for the feedback I haven't exactly had a detailed constructive criticism for my comic before, as well as I'm also a very inexperienced writer and needs advice when possible.

GusC:

Now this, I have to say, is a unique goal--to spread awareness about the happenings of the Philippines. I have to ask why. I'm confident there's good reason, don't get me wrong, but it is such a high concept that I feel compelled to know the context. I will say, in the interest of honesty, clarity, and context, that the Philippines are definitely a place that I never give a passing thought. Now, I imagine most people don't give most countries even a single thought. There's a lot to think about. Still, maybe that's why I'm intrigued by this motivation on yours--it is a unique goal, about a uniquely under-the-radar nation that has only recently gained attention due to its uniquely colorful leader.

I'm not usually good in explaining whenever people would ask (about our current life scenarios), or in this case, example would be a relative who grew up in the states, so instead I would like to give a glimpse through comics, if that sounds valid at all. Some are either informative or just for laughs.

GusC:

Perhaps there are arguments to be made for the first half of the comic so far, but recent page confirm that you have the system down.

Ah yes, in the earlier episodes I was still figuring out what type of artstyle I was going for. So glad you saw this one!

Yeah I agree with this :'D I still need more practice with their anatomy in terms of consistency.

GusC:

That heartwarming, hopeful tone you're going for? It's accomplished before a word is said by this style. It is warm and comfortable. No doubt this is helped in great part by the crayon/chalk strokes, the pastel cloudy backgrounds, and generally warm color. Truth be told, I cannot think of anything I can objectively call out as an issue when it comes to the art. It's form fits its function. It complements your goals.

Thank you so much :'') That's so nice to hear ^^

GusC:

From your description, I 100% expected a serial work, not the episodic chimera you have, here.

Ah I apologize for this, it was my intent to be episodic. I didn't realize the way I described it sounded otherwise.

GusC:

The story is often disjointed, awkward, and strangely paced, and this flies in the face of the advantages of an episodic series--the reliable cycle and comfort of process, the thematic flow, etc.

Actually, I didn't understand this part very much when you said "the advantages of an episodic series"

GusC:

there are no meaningful pressures on the status quo beyond L's momentary spat with his brother (which, being episodic, comes out of nowhere without any context) and R's temporary stress about her job (which just comes off as one of the informational episodes, as I mentioned earlier).

As for this, again I apologize. I am going to dwell further into these in the next episodes. ^^; My mistake is that I uploaded the "Christmas special" just right after these situations were addressed so it seemed like it was put aside and not mentioned again.

GusC:

If you are trying to write a narrative of any kind, then you should seriously consider introducing meaningful challenges to be overcome.

Right now I have a lot more in store, I just haven't posted the rest yet ^^; I'm more motivated now to complete what seem to be currently lacking in the series so far. I'm still in the middle of season 1 and the characters still need fleshing out, especially the main two.

With that being said, thank you again for reading through my comic and giving out your honest review It helped me gain a fresh new perspective. I'll improve on the art and especially the writing aspects while learning more and having fun!

Lots of larva stage comics this time around--that's wonderful. It's important early on to get a lot of eyes on your stuff before bad habits start settling in. I know I'm paying the price for some of that, now, as much as I love my work.

Goals/Intentions/Inspirations:Trying to innovate with Vampires. That's a tricky one--not necessarily because it's all been done, but because vampirsm has very strict and UNAVOIDABLE archetypal rules that, when not followed, erase the vampiric identity. They have to drink blood, they have to have fangs, and they need to be "undead," whatever that means. I am neither a fan nor a hater of vampires, so I cannot say I have my finger on the pulse (hehe) of the genre. However, I can say that the only time I ever thought to myself "Woah, this is a new and cool take on the vampiric archetype" was when I played one of my favorite games, Darkest Dungeon. The Crimson Court bloodsuckers are reminiscent of mosquitoes, ticks, and other vampiric insects, with grotesque and alien features that are normally glossed over in other vampire works. They look insanely badass and are all around a truly compelling character design tableau.

Now, your challenge is that, from what I can tell, you are not going for the Monster route. The choice of Slice of Life Drama means accessibility, relatability, and appealing visuals. We'll go deeper into that later. My point is that I hope you are being mindful of what your vampires are like, really. It's such a loaded word, with so much lore and history behind it.I think it would be easy for a classic pitfall to come your way. This is my concern for the FUTURE of the comic, NOT because I see them NOW. These are thoughts of down the line. I make no judgements at present.

The first danger, and this is the most relevant one, is that your vampires are superficial vampires. Right now, the only meaningful indication that Hugh is a vampire is the grisly scene of him eating squirrels. Yes, there is his aversion to sunlight, and yes, he has fangs--but his vampire identity, at this moment, could easily become a gimmick rather than a draw of your comic. Again, I'm not saying he is now. I am saying that the intrinsic conflicts and unique challenges that come with vampirism are not yet apparent in meaningful ways. I am sure you have plans. I merely wish to extend my conviction that an easy way for this comic to suffer is if Hugh's vampirism becomes strikingly subordinate to the Slice of Life genre. It is the classic identity conundrum--you don't want a character to be defined solely by his identity, but neither do you want that identity to be little more than a gimmick, or a tagline, or a prop. if I can take away the vampirism, and he is the same character, then it is a missed opportunity.

Like I said, that is for the future.

Art:There is little to go on, but enough for me to make some scattered observations that I think will be helpful. As a whole, it looks fine. It is sufficient, as I like to say. I don't think it is getting in the way of your comic's success, with the notable exception of Page 3 Panel 2. It's a lousy panel, this one. No energy, no sense of motion or tension. I expect a scene like this--the reveal of the beast within--to be climactic and dramatic, even if it is a Slice of Life comedy. It's a strange, awkward pose, stiff and angular. When I take it in, I cannot decide how he's moving, where his momentum is leading, or what the flow of energy is supposed to be. In a word--it is a dull panel for a moment any reader would expect to be more explosive, even comically. This isn't me calling for a gorefest. This is an observation about character energy. Hugh looks staged in that panel; he does not look like he is moving.

That convinces me: while the art is generally sufficient for telling your story, it is simultaneously being a slight drag on the experience. The visuals are dull. There's no life. The colors are faded, muted, and sterilized. When I look at pages 6-7, the panel bleed together into a tapioca blend. Ironically, the pages look drained of life. It's an instance of minimalist/simplistic art being just a little too bare bones to carry emotive weight. It carries across the artstyle--the expressions don't quite sell the emotion I should feel or be seeing and the character design isn't striking enough or appealing enough to stir interest, as examples.

I think I can sum it up by saying that is all feels incomplete, like a draft. It is bare bones to the eye. I search for more meat and cannot find any. I suggest trying to pack more power into your style itself. That could translate into more dynamic color--not necessarily gaudy, but it should certainly be a more helpful guide for my eyes; that could translate into spending more time on detail--SMART detail, not necessarily a lot, obviously. There's a lot of solid color planes in the comic that are just tedious to get through. How you choose to bring life and energy to the visuals is largely up to you. All I can say is that from what I've seen so far, I am not feeling energized or intrigued by your art style. It needs more energy.

Writing:Of course, it isn't much to go on, but taken for what it is, I like it quite a bit. I have to point out that giving Hugh a Londoner accent pulls a lot of weight. The reader's mind's ear will contribute a lot of energy to the written voice. It s a strong archetypal accent, which allows for entertaining colloquiums and manners of speech that the mind produces easier than a page. While there haven't been any standout pieces of writing, that's just natural. it's only been 9 pages or so. That said, what IS there is more than sufficient. It is amusing. Not laugh out loud, sure, but it is unobtrusive, endearing, and character-building.

Zazu takes home the prize. One of the most frustrating aspects of writing, as both writer and reader, is children. Making children sound childlike--authentically youthful--is extremely difficult. Only Dickens comes to mind, but he's him, so that doesn't help much. What I'm trying to say is that Zazu is 100% an authentic child. She talks as a child does and should, with the same respectful deference and innocent abandon that so many weird, maladjusted, podium written children don't. She's absolutely adorable. I know I was critical of the visuals, but I have to say that Zazu avoids most of the problem. She is prime daughterfu material, and it is early in the game. Not knowing anything about where you're taking this, I can say that I hope that Zazu and Hugh have many misadventures. Even if she is pulling most of the weight, she and Hugh do have good chemistry.

I question the inclusion of profanity. The comic seemed to be chugging along just fine until Hugh says "fuck." It sounds harsh for a comic that has set itself up to be so accessibly charming. Even his Britishness can't stop that. "Bitch" is a funny word, so while I found that unnecessary, I didn't mind it much. I would definitely consider trying to write around profanity. I said this in another thread, but I often think we use it as a crutch. It's often better to say nothing at all, or to use some equally blunt and common word. I think you could do without it, if for no other reason than this is the kind of comic that younger readers could get into easily. I don't think there's a reason to limit your audience.

Summation:This one is in the early stages, so not a whole lot can be said about the here and now. Most of my points concern the future, and that future is largely dependent on the art style. I have few concerns regarding the writing, which is charming, accessible (other than for the question of profanity's place), and authentic. The weight, then, lies on the art style to catch up. In the face of dialogue that sounds true to life, the art is dull and overly simplistic. it is drab and grey, not just in color, but in attitude. I feel no energy or passion in it at all. You would do well to find a way to work on your style, to find ways of making it more compelling, engaging, and dynamic.

When i mentioned the advantages of episodic series, I was referring to the ease with which you can experiment and play with self contained snapshots that do not mess with the over arching status quo. Episode series have a flexibility that serial works do not.

Ah ^^ And yeah I'm also aware about the whole "if there was a plot" one. No one else who has read through the comic addresses this before. I was worried if the pacing works or not. It's refreshing to hear a new opinion for once.

It's also almost getting close to the conflict part of their story which are still in drafts and ready to be posted soon.