Charlie Sheen Roast: Lotsa Industry Jabs

By The Deadline Team on Sep 10, 2011 7:40 pm

LATEST… Comedy Central’s roast of Charlie Sheen started fashionably late on Stage 27 at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City. Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane served as roastmaster and ringleader for William Shatner, Jon Lovitz, Anthony Jeselnik, Steve-O, Jeffrey Ross, Amy Schumer, Mike Tyson, Patrice O’Neal, and — of all people — Private Practice star Kate Walsh and. There was also a special appearance by former Guns ‘N Roses lead guitarist Slash, who is Sheen’s longtime buddy. Deadline contributor Ray Richmond was there blogging live to capture every Industry joke. Fortunately there were some, or we’d be screwed:

Roastmaster Seth MacFarlane comes out and announces, “Comedy Central was too cheap to hire a warmup guy. So you got me.” He introduces roasters with the line, “Let’s get ready to mumble.” Comedian Jeffrey Ross is dressed like Muammar Gaddafi in a military uniform.

MacFarlane, referring to the roast’s Sept. 19 air date, the same night as the Two and a Half Men season premiere: “Tonight on Two and a Half Men they’re having Charlie’s funeral. But no big deal. Just wait a few months and you’ll see the real thing.”

MacFarlane begins reading from Sheen’s alleged obit and finally says, “Oh the hell with it. Actually, it will be exactly the same as Amy Winehouse’s bio. All you have you to do is change three things: the sex of the deceased, the location of the body, and the fact he’s a talent who will be missed.”

MacFarlane introduces all of the roasters with targeted (and tasteless) insults.

MacFarlane: “Someone’s gonna need to fill Charlie in on all of the things he’s gonna miss, like his 50s.”

MacFarlane: “Charlie learned you can trash hotel rooms and do prostitutes. But don’t you dare call a Jewish guy by his real name.” That’s a reference to Sheen ranting against the folks who wanted to fire him and referring to Two and a Half Men co-creator Chuck Lorre by his Jewish name — Chaim Levine. Immediately, Charlie was rightfully or wrongfully tagged as having made an anti-Semitic remark.

Jon Lovitz: “How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.” (Or did he mean enough to kill 2 1/2 men?)

Lovitz: “According to the Torah, Charlie’s a Jew. Not because his mother’s Jewish. But because CBS paid him $50 million and he still sued the network.”

Charlie’s sitting there taking it all, laughing, but also burying his hands in his face. Sheen looks healthy and relaxed in a simple coat and tie. Smiling easily.

MacFarlane: “How does a guy get fired from Two and a Half Men? He didn’t suck badly enough?” (more…)

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