Mediocre Parenting Lessons From The Movie Labyrinth

March 3, 2014

I love reading these types of posts from other bloggers & I love coming up with them myself, so I decided I would take a bit to see what Parenting Nuggets one of my favorite movies growing up had to offer! Creatures, Babies, Monsters, David Bowie, David Bowie’s Hair, & David Bowies stretchy pants have a lot to offer in the way of mediocre parenting advice.So here we go.

1. “I wish the goblins would come & take you away! Right Now!” Yeah, that’s right, I started with it! The day I’m writing this post happens to be a snow day so no school on a Monday = me borderline kidding, borderline seriously asking David Bowie to appear & take these kids away to the castle. Although I’m pretty sure after about 3 hours of Minecraft YouTube tutorials & knock down drag out fights over the iPad he would just bring them back!

2. “It’s not fair!!” “You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?” I remember saying this to my parents & I remember the explanation. “This isn’t fair dad!” “No its not! A fair is where you go to see a bearded lady & the worlds smallest horse!” Life’s not fair kids, welcome to earth.

3. “It’s only forever, not long at all” I try to get this across to my kids often. Fight, bicker, call names, but your family is your family forever. My rules may suck & you may in fact “NEVER TREAT MY KIDS LIKE THIS!” but like it or not I’ll be your dad forever.

4. “If you so much as set a foot in the Bog Of Eternal Stench, you’ll smell bad for the rest of your life” Seriously, how does so much stench come out of such small kids!?! BO, Socks, Farting, Laughing so hard at the fact that they farted that they fart again, burping the alphabet, & my personal favorite… “Skid Marks” These are not the things that Mr & Mrs Cleaver dealt with, no one told me about this part!

5. “I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, & do exactly as I say.” Really though, that’s all I ask! This one statement sums up my whole parenting strategy! Is it really to much to ask of me to never have to really get on to you kids but that you be so scared of me getting upset that you never do anything wrong!?

6. “Things are not always what they seem in this place. So you can’t take anything for granted… quite often it seems like we are not getting anywhere, when in fact we are. So the way forward is sometimes the way back…” Heh, will you listen to this crap? This actually comes up in my life a bunch. How may times am I giving a lecture or a stern talking to only to get tongue tied or say something stupid? The worst is when I say something while talking to the kids (as they are getting in trouble) that is also an inside joke of my wife & I only to hear her snickering from the other room. Example is song lyrics. You know how hard it is when I holler at the kids “Stop What You’re Doin’!” only to hear her laugh at me because we both know that we are both thinking the lyrics to the Humpty Dance by Digital Underground!

Okay, stop what you’re doin’, cause I’m about to ruin the
image & the style that you’re used to. I look funny but yo
I’m makin’ money!