Monday, March 23, 2009

Just not that into..

He's Just not That Into You the movie. The movie was a little too complicated because they had to cover an entire book full of dating issues and decided to make some oddly connected people all deal with various problems of the dating world. The best line of the movie was,

"If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he genuinely doesn't give a shit."

A revelation!! Thank you. It's harsh, but women (and men) of every age need to realize that when people don't treat you with respect it's because gasp they don't respect you. Wow.Everyone in the film is white, middle to upper-class people living in the strangely common HUGE apartments in New York. The only people of color in the whole film were working for the white people.. as Hispanic construction workers or an Asian who works for the white lady at a newspaper. Then there's the roving troop of gay men who appear and give dating advice to straight people (because that's what they do, right?) and act really, stereotypically gay.(Quick aside, why so many gay men and so few gay women in pop culture? The gay guy is becoming a regular in chick media and there's Brokeback Mountain, but why are lesbians invisible to pop culture?)

Let's for a moment put aside the significant problems of stereotypes and the all-too-wealthy white people that the movie's about. Let's talk about the advice. There are little clips where it shows people talking about the advice "If he's not having sex with you..." "If he's not calling you..." "If he's married..."Some of it is very, very good. The book was a huge wake up call for me when i came out. I needed to hear some of that stuff. The parts that relate directly to my first quote are perfect. Let's look at that again,

"If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he genuinely doesn't give a shit."

The things I liked included how the movie touched upon some of the negative and confusing aspects of technology in its role in modern dating and the way girls are taught from the age of five that if a boy is mean to you it's just because he likes you and how screwed up that is when it carries over into our adult lives.Here's the things I disagree with: not getting married isn't a valid option for couples. The movie suggests that a guy who doesn't "believe" in marriage as the end-all of relationships is commitment-phobic or just not interested in marrying the woman he's with, it also suggests that every woman wants marriage. Wrong! You should wait around for the guy to make things happen-- ask you out, find you, call you. While I'm not for the idea of hurling yourself (at times, physically) at every guy that wants to grab drinks with you, I think women shouldn't expect or be expected to play a passive role in their own dating life. The message of "if he wants it to happen, he'll work for it" is right, but I think it should go both ways. It also sets up this weird power dynamic where the man achieves favor by "proving" his love to the woman and the woman holds power by making him prove his love. Instead of her showing him she cares and him doing the same or even flipping it around and the woman taking him out for a change, it suggests that the girl should withhold and the guy should pursue. Yikes.

Oh and the random clips where people talk about each chapter? Each person was a crazy girl who was making some kind of mistake. The ONE male was a guy talking about how if after a month or two there is no sex it means the person isn't interested. Which is somewhat true (if you don't have sex in the first couple months, you might not have it. Ever. Or unless you get married.) BUT the guy was a LOT less crazy than the women of the film. Oh and all the women in the film are nuts. This film shows so little understanding of real women I'm surprised it was taken from the same guy who wrote that book that woke me up years ago.

I'd award this movie one out of five stars and that one comes from this quote. Let's look at it again.

"If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he genuinely doesn't give a shit."