Post by Monica on Mar 7, 2019 0:25:56 GMT 9

Hi,

I just found out about this website and wanted to say hi and introduce myself.

I'm from Spain and I've been living in the UK for 9 years. I don't have children yet, but I'm pregnant (hope it's still OK to join the forum so soon) and although I'm not looking too in-depth yet into raising a bilingual child I wanted to start looking into resources now.

My partner is British but I'm very lucky that he is also fluent in Spanish. My initial plan is to try and speak in Spanish with our child and with my partner and that my partner speaks in English with him/her. We'll see how that works because hearing one language and then speaking in another might confuse me a bit.

One thing I'm not sure how we should manage though is which language to speak when we are with each other's family. Ideally when we are with my partner's family (all British) I'd like to speak in English so they don't feel I'm excluding them and when we are with my family (all Spanish) I'd prefer we both speak in Spanish. I wonder though if that could confuse the child (I feel bad I have to say child but I don't know the gender yet), since he/she would be used to me speaking Spanish and my partner speaking English.

Post by Tatyana L on Mar 7, 2019 1:45:30 GMT 9

Welcome, and congratulations on your pregnancy.

I only ever speak Russian with my kids, but my in-laws are monolingual Americans. When we visit them I obviously speak English to them. Same goes for my husband with whom I have to use English to communicate. It does not confuse the kids. They know that I’m bilingual and that I choose one language or another to communicate with people around me. They also know that with them it will always be Russian.

Post by Monica on Mar 7, 2019 3:44:02 GMT 9

Hi Tatyana!

Thanks for your reply and your kind words. I understand you speak to your in-laws in English as that's the only language you can communicate with each other but do you still speak to your kids in Russian even if your in-laws are around?

Post by Tatyana L on Mar 7, 2019 4:12:14 GMT 9

The language I use with my kids depends on whether I speak to them and them alone or if I’m addressing a larger group.

If I speak to them, like telling them to stop picking their nose in the presence of their grandparents, then I use Russian. Quite honestly the bigger issue here is the grandparents. I had to talk to them and explain that I speak Russian in their presence because it’s the only way to pass on the language. Even so I can tell that sometimes they’re bothered by not understanding, so I try to do a summary translation for them afterwards.

If I address my kids AND a monolingual, like saying that dinner is ready or asking them and their friends to stop making so much noise, then I use English. I have always done that, from the first days of when I’d read to their preschool class every morning. The kids never seemed to question how or why I suddenly switched to English, and never attempted to carry that language into our personal conversations.

Post by Amy on Mar 7, 2019 5:00:30 GMT 9

¡Bienvenida Mónica! And congratulations on the future arrival of your little bundle of joy!

Children learn to make the distinction of which language with whom very quickly so long as you are consistent in your approach. Don't switch according to your mood.

I would strongly advise you go for ml@home rather than OPOL. The more people your baby will see speaking the minority language (ml), the more likely s/he will be willing to speak it as it will feel it is "normal" and not just one parent's language.

If you let the Majority Language (ML) into your home, it will most probably overwhelm and stifle the ml, and even more so once your child will start day care.

Research by Annick De Houwer has also demonstrated a higher success rate (circa 75% for OPOL vs. circa 83% for ml@h).

We started with OPOL and our eldest turned out a passive trilingual, which for us was a failure as we want our girls to be active trilinguals and triliterates (huge challenge!). So we went for ml@home when my eldest turned 4 and eventually she became active.

As to the family, I would speak ML with your in-laws but stick to ml when you address your child directly. Only use the ML with your child if you are involved in a group discussion with non-ml speakers. Personally, that is how I handle it. My eldest knows the use of the ML with me is a strict ban, and the little one seems to have naturally understood it.

Hope this helps.

Amy

***"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - Oscar Wilde***

Post by Mayken on Mar 7, 2019 6:15:52 GMT 9

Hello Monica, and welcome to the Zoo!

It is never too soon to start thinking about raising a bilingual child - I started (thinking about it) when I was writing my diploma thesis on bilingual kindergarten and back then I didn't even have a potential father for my future children in mind!

Congrats on your pregnancy!

I can only reinforce what Tatyana and Amy have already said - be consistent, favour the minority language, and don't worry about confusing your child. If anyone will be confused, it'll be monolingual people, but not your child.

You are lucky that your partner speaks the ml, and I'd recommend Amy's suggestion that you aim for ml@home. In my case, my partner doesn't speak our ml but understands enough that he can follow most of what we are talking about. I was lucky in that my daughter has never tried to speak the ML with me (since she hears me speak it with her dad and everyone else around here) and consistently speaks the ml with me. But that's not always a given, and the less you use the ML in your family, the higher are the chances your child will use the ml.

This forum is a great place to exchange with other parents raising bilingual or multilingual children, with many different situations. For example, my family is bilingual with OPOL, Amy's family is trilingual with ml@home, Tatyana's family is bilingual and her kids' school is bilingual with a different language, some ml parents are native ml speakers, others are not, so lots of different experiences. We help each other, exchange advice, resources, and cheer each other on. So you have come to the right place!

One last word: I highly recommend Adam's book Maximize Your Child's Bilingual Ability. He has lots of very creative ideas - you can get a taste of it on his blog, but there's so much more in his book!

Post by Raquel on Mar 7, 2019 18:21:33 GMT 9

Welcome, Mónica!

I agree with Mayken that it's never too early. I decided to raise my children bilingual the moment I decided to have them. I actually think pregnancy is a perfect time to prepare yourself for this, as you won't have this much time once the baby is born.

Like Amy, my husband and I went for ml@h, but we did so from the beginning: both my husband and I have only spoken to our children in the ml and have only allowed ml resouces at home (talking toys, books, TV...) We never speak to our children in the ML, not even if they're with ML monolingual friends. I say it in the ML and then translate it for my children. They don't need me to translate, but I can't help it. This is one of the things I want to stop doing. As far as grandparents go, I don't care who we're with, my language of communication with my children is the ml. My own mom doesn't speak the ml, but she understands why we can't switch to the ML for her sake. I do translate for ML speakers, explaining what we're discussing.

My take on what the best approach is, is a bit different. I think the best course of action is having one parent who always speaks in the ml and another who uses mostly the ml, but sometimes the ML, so they can strengthen whatever language needs more work at that point. I believe I think this way because my 5yo's stronger language is the ml. I also have a 2yo, who's more of a balanced bilingual; every child is different. This is why I like the adaptability of a parent who can speak both languages. But I agree that the language you should worry about is the ml. The world around you will take care of the ML, even if you do nothing.

I have to second Mayken's suggestion of buying Adam's book. I've read quite a few books on bilingualism and this one has been, by far, the best. It's given me lots of ideas on what I can actually do. Most books will stop at facts and numbers. This one doesn't. It's very practical.

In the end, only you know what's best for your family. Whatever that is, we'll be here to support you. It's nice to meet other people doing what we're doing and finding similar bumps along the road.

Post by Nellie on Mar 8, 2019 6:44:23 GMT 9

Welcome Monica!

Lots of great advice here. Personally, I never considered anything other than bringing up my children to speak my native language, which is our ml1. However, as I had been in ML-land for a while when my daughter was born, this was actually harder than I expected at first! I had to consciously make an effort to speak in ml1 ALL the time with her. Very quickly, I got used to it and now I never address either of my children in ML - it would feel very strange for me to do so. Sometimes, I might say something in ml1 and then repeat it in ML if there are ML-speaking children around. But mostly, I find kids just sort of accept my speaking ml1, even if they don't understand! In fact, I generally find they are interested. And the parents are actually quite thrilled to have someone speak in ml1 to their children!

We started off with strict OPOL and it didn't work for us. Now, we have something in between OPOL and ml@home, with the addition of my daughter attending a bilingual school. This is working well for us, for the moment. My daughter (now 4) has never confused the different languages - she has always known very well which word is from which language - which doesn't stop her from using whichever one comes easiest to her at the time she is speaking. My son is only 17 months, but I'm pretty certain he has been able to distinguish between the three languages since before he was 1, because he looks at me with a funny expression on my face when I switch!

One thing you will find is that raising a multilingual child is a process of trial and error. And as Adam points out in his book, it really enables you to create a link with your child that would be hard to replicate without all the extra efforts us ml parents have to make!

Post by Adam Beck on Mar 8, 2019 10:57:44 GMT 9

My partner is British but I'm very lucky that he is also fluent in Spanish. My initial plan is to try and speak in Spanish with our child and with my partner and that my partner speaks in English with him/her. We'll see how that works because hearing one language and then speaking in another might confuse me a bit.

Monica, welcome! And I'm happy to see that you've already received a number of warm welcomes (and much good advice) from other "keepers," too!

In terms of your situation, I would also stress the idea of emphasizing the minority language and "de-emphasizing" the majority language, to the extent that feels comfortable and realistic for your family, and especially during the first few formative years. The fact that your partner is also fluent in Spanish is a huge plus and I recommend making the most of that advantage to raise the odds of successfully fostering active ability in your little one. If you don't wish to pursue a full-on "minority language at home" approach, you might consider a strategy like:

you use Spanish as fully as possible

you and your partner use Spanish when with the child together or within earshot of the child when communicating between the two of you

your partner uses English when spending time alone with the child

This sort of approach would basically guarantee that you're effectively addressing both "core conditions" of ample exposure to the minority language and the organic need for its active use. At the same time, your partner would still be able to use English to a healthy extent, building a bond with the child in this language and nurturing its early acquisition.

Monica, I hope these initial thoughts are helpful! Warm congratulations to you and your partner as you eagerly await the arrival of your first child!

Adam Beck is the founder of Bilingual Monkeys and The Bilingual Zoo, and the author of the popular non-fiction book Maximize Your Child's Bilingual Ability amzn.to/22XKuCt and the humorous novel How I Lost My Ear amzn.to/2EsjVRS, both available worldwide.

Post by Monica on Mar 9, 2019 20:03:48 GMT 9

Hi!

Thanks a lot to all of you for your kind words and your really helpful advice. Raquel@raquel , thanks for writing the accent in my name, I miss it!

It's so interesting reading the different approaches to raising a bilingual (or multilingual) child. It's good knowing that different approaches can work differently depending on the situation and child and that it's a trial and error experience, because I feel we'll have to test different things and see what works better. Ideally I'd like to do what Adam suggests in his reply so my partner can speak his own language with the child as he'll probably feel more comfortable doing so (he's fluent in the ml but not bilingual). However, I see how the ml@home approach might be more effective and we should also consider it.

I'll definitely buy Adam's book (one of the reasons I found this forum is because I was looking for a good book about this topic) but I'll wait until the second trimester. Still only 8 weeks pregnant now and I'm reluctant to organise many things, although I'm sure everything will be alright.

Thanks again to all of you for being so welcoming and taking the time to reply.

Veda L: A happy belated new year to all keepers! Any quick tips on how to edit profile (kids’ ages etc)? I’ve fumbled about with no luck. Thanks!Jan 9, 2019 23:58:17 GMT 9*

Mayken: Veda, when you go to your "Profile", there's a button at the top right that says "Edit Profile". Then click on the "Personal" tab (and other tabs) to edit the information. Hope that helps!Jan 10, 2019 0:14:02 GMT 9*

Adam Beck: Mayken, I don't know, but I wish I could say it's because I'm taller! My son (almost 12) is now nearly as tall as I am. Just yesterday I told him that I have to start growing again! Feb 1, 2019 10:12:14 GMT 9

Mayken: Adam Beck, thanks for sharing the impressions of your trip to China! I love those duck boats and that doorway! And meeting those kids wanting to speak English with you is so amazing!(I won't enter the giveaway because I'm afraid of winning the chicken claws!)Feb 6, 2019 0:24:50 GMT 9

Amy: Bless!! how cute is that!!! Reminds me of a similar thing that happened with my youngest when she was 18 months: she said the sound right for every animal but the cow. She kept answering "Lola" because of a famous Spanish nursery rhyme about a cow! Feb 7, 2019 0:40:09 GMT 9*

Alba: My son caught us by surprise when we said thank you (in English) to a waiter in a Mexican restaurant, and he said "gracias" (thank you) to him too in Spanish, also signing it! He was having a blast and there was some Spanish music in the background. Feb 10, 2019 18:48:58 GMT 9*