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Totally Bummed Out

Kaniksu

Posts: 54
Joined: Nov 2015

Mar 10, 2016 - 9:14 pm

So, went through the RCHOP two weeks off started feeling great now radiation..feeling exhausted ..Just get bummed out looking at me old bald self driving an hour each way to radiation..went back to work and it just seems there is no FUN...work, tired Drs and treatment....waa waa waa...Did you spend a lot of time re-evaluating your your life...just feeling totally negative....

Hope you don't mind me offering this suggestion? Me being someone who loves travel. I find no matter how bad I feel or how tired I am. If I plan a short great away, it always makes me feel better.

You need a change of scenery for a few days.

Cause I know, when all we have to look forward too, is the same old routine, it gets old and tiring. Even just planning a future getaway helps to spark some fire in us.

When I was feeling my worse, getting diagnosed with two primary cancers at once. having horrible acid reflex at its worse, along with H-Prlori reaking havoc in my tummy. This was diagnosed within a two month period..And all happening at the time. I swore I was dying Any minute. I felt that bad..

Well, I went on a few small get always close to home, and it helped make me feel alot better. And trust me I was exhausted, scared and in pain. Just getting away helped me feel a lot better. It took my mind off of feeling sick, and helped me to rethink my life.

Kaniksu - It’s really impossible to feel like you always have to be upbeat about going through this. When you ache and you hate being bald and the traffic sucks and just taking a 15 minute walk is a whole lot of effort. It’s so easy to slip into negativity and that has such a rabbit-hole effect…hard to get out of and easy to lose yourself in. Who hasn’t had that totally negative outlook? But it is ultimately SO MUCH easier on your body and your soul to do what you can to minimize the negative.

Yes, I agree that LoveToTravel is right. A change of venue can be surprisingly healing.

So, for what it’s worth, here are my thoughts (pardon any repetitiveness from earlier posts):

(ONE) Somebody out there…friends, kids, grandkids, neighbors…somebody is learning something about how to deal with adversity by watching you. And wouldn’t you much rather they see a human who is strong and ferocious and fierce and stalwart and resilient and unstoppable and authoritative and prevailing? Maybe they’ll never face a disease like yours but odds are they might and they will thank you for showing them some good brave stuff about scary bad times. Also, I always think that I’d much rather be remembered that way.

(TWO) The Kick Butt Posse photo accompanying your post looks like a pretty great group of gals who are supportive friends. I’ve found that people really DO mean it when they say they want to help but most don’t come at it quite directly enough. They don’t say, “hey, I’m driving you to your next rad-session, so let me know what time you need to leave on Tuesday”. It’s really OK for you to ask…my guess is they’d love to take turns spelling you once in a while to your treatment. Let your friends help.

(THREE) Many philosophies are more-or-less built around the below fable. Some may think it’s simplistic or cheeky to think that it can help anyone get through anything terrible, but here ‘tis: An elderly Cherokee brave told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said "my son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all…one is evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, self-pity, inferiority and resentment. The other wolf is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope serenity, empathy, generosity, truth and faith. The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "which wolf wins?..." The old Cherokee simply replied, "the one that you feed".

(FOUR) Ask your doc for some anti-anxiety meds and make use of them…it’s a bit like Purposeful-Breathing for your psyche. I don’t use anywhere near what my prescription allows but having them at hand is an occasional help that I do not deny to myself.

By accident, nine days after a month of treatments; I boarded a plane for Europe (already planned). I was there for a month, talk about perfect timing. It was hard because I was tired, very winded and I just left my father who was diagnosised three weeks after me and was not doing well. He didn't know about me, no one in my knows to this day. I had such guilt because I left on this trip but I NEEDED to for my children. I cried al the way to the airport, sick with guilt yet I really needed a break and the stress I was harboring (it was through the roof). I had to make this treatment work.

The trip was a repeat to some places I knew and loved so that part was easy, newer places were with friends and it was exciting disovering new places. It could not have been better.

To answer your question, YES! Major reevaluation indeed.

I hid my cancer, felt more alone than I could ever imagine yet reevaluating also became a necessity because I have tried to be better to myself. I haven't succeeded in this department but still trying, everyday.

I can't stress enough taking time for yourself, I had to check my guilt at the door and give myself a break. Stress less and do more of what YOU love. If I recall a walk in the woods.... :-)

It is negavitive, exhausting but temporary.

Treat yourself to something that makes you feel beautiful and show off your gorgeous beautiful self to the world.

Do things you normally wouldn't, for example I was feeling really down in the dumps. I went away with two girlfriends to a spa overnight. Packing I was going for the standard comfortable cloths then something clicked. I have a closet filled to the gills. I picked a gorgeous comfortable jersey gown and wore it like sweats! What was I waiting for?

Travel is good. I think it can be just an afternoon away from home & medical places or like 007 did, a trip to another country. For me it was going over to my son's house for an afternoon. One time between chemos our one daughter was on vacation. We had to take care of her dogs a couple of nights. (She had someone else who took care of them in the am.) That was my way of getting away for a bit.

Nancy, I hope you are feeling better than when you wrote this a few days ago.

I am sure each one of has experienced the feelings you describe.

Others have suggested travel and a change of scenery, which are valuable. However, for me, sometimes I just need to unplug from the outside world and reside within the safe haven of my home. I don't need to answer to questions like, "how are you"? asked with that look in their eyes. Nor do I have to reply to comments like, "You look good" when I know it is a lie. I looked in the mirror before I went out.

And yes, I do think it is common and necessary after a cancer diagnosis, to spend time re-evaluating our lives. Which is another reason to spend quiet time alone. No one else can do your thinking, praying, reflection, and prioritizing for you.

Something that really helps me get out of a funk is humor. I don't know if you are a Ellen Degeneris fan, but her EllenTube has some really sweet and funny clips from her show. Also Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, and others who are on TV after my bedtime, have some funny episodes on YouTube. Saturday Night Live is always good for laughs.

Rocquie, you are so right. We all get those times where we need to "get away". How we do it is up to us. I have various methods and it seems to depend on what's been going on. For me it can be reading, going on the computer, playing games, seeing my kids/grandkids. All I know is what works one time may not work another and I need to try a different option.

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