I always wanted to take vacations where I could go someplace scenic and serene and just sit calmly by a lake or river or in a meadow and placidly take in the natural beauty of my surroundings. I’ve come close to this personal Nirvana on some trips, but the reality has never quite met my idealistic expectations.

Part of the problem is my inability to just be somewhere and be with the moment. Even when given the opportunity to enjoy the tranquility, my mind won’t stop it’s ruminating, or I find ways to feel guilty for doing nothing, or I find myself unable to get past my own self-consciousness (yes, even when I’m alone in a forest or on a deserted beach) to where I can simply sit and enjoy life in that moment. It’s unfortunate. Since I don’t like to go places by myself (or with other people, sometimes), I don’t have the opportunity to get out and enjoy the great outdoors as much as I would like to. But our connection to nature is so essential. As is our need for “down time” so that we can regenerate.

Enter modern technology. Yes, indeed, we can enjoy the sounds and sights of nature and the calm of doing nothing right from the comfort of our office or living room or anywhere else we may choose to carry our laptops. I have discovered two web sites that help us do just that. The first site is Do Nothing for 2 Minutes, where you can look at an ocean scene and listen to the sound of waves. A timer counts down two minutes during which time you are to… well, do nothing.

The second site, calm.com, is a bit more complex, with your choice of settings and sounds, with or without accompanying new-agey music (think “Deuter”), and with or without a male voice that sounds like a jazz radio station disc jockey to guide you through the experience.

So the next time you need a mini break from whatever it is that you need a break from, check out these web sites and see if you can actually allow yourself to “do nothing.” It may be harder than you think. And it may be more relaxing than you think.

For now, I’m off to visit a virtual waterfall from the comfort of my couch. I hope my shoes don’t get muddy.

You didn’t think I’d forget, did you? Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t either. The October Unprocessed 2012 Challenge is beginning in two days. Are you ready?

I described the challenge in this previous post. It’s basically a commitment to go the entire month of October without eating any processed foods. But even if you can’t make it a month, give it a shot for a week, or even a day or two.

See if you notice any difference in the way you feel. If you have questions about what constitutes “unprocessed,” Andrew at eatingrules.com, who is sponsoring this challenge, has put together The Official Guide to October Unprocessed 2012 that can be downloaded in a PDF format here. It will answer many questions you may have about how to eat for the challenge, and best of all, it’s FREE! At all of 31 pages, it’s concise yet very informative.

I’m deferring to the “deliberate exception clause” for my daughter’s wedding a week from today so that I can celebrate the event without employing the “kitchen test” for everything I eat, but otherwise I’ll do my best to follow the guidelines and see how I fare. Maybe I’ll keep some sort of food/energy/mood chart for the month to track the effects of eating “unprocessed.”

There are more and more connections being found between depression and nutrition, such that it’s foolhardy not to look at one’s diet when trying to combat or prevent depression. We’ll be looking at various aspects of that in future blog posts.

I hope you give the unprocessed challenge a shot, at least for a day if you can't go longer. Let me know how it works for you.

Another look back to 20 years ago when I originally wrote this article. Now that it’s fall, it may not be as apt as it was when it was first published in the summer of ’92. But the hot summer weather wasn’t too long ago, so hopefully we can still relate to the aggravation of having a…

Summertime ColdThere’s something about a summertime cold that makes it ten times worse than the same affliction when contracted in the winter months. Maybe it’s just that you don’t expect to catch a cold in the summer. Poison ivy perhaps, or a flaming-red case of sunburn. But not a cold, for Pete’s sake.

Colds are a winter thing. You catch them by standing in the rain, by going out in the cold air with wet hair, and mostly by sending your children to school, where germs are passed around as liberally as royal family gossip is shared by the tabloids.

All the traditional panaceas for the common cold are definitely rooted in a wintery time scape. If you catch a cold, you stay home, bundle up in a warm comforter in front of a cheery fire, and drink hot chocolate, homemade chicken soup and hot toddies. Then you slog off to bed in a warm-liquid-sated torpor, burying yourself under protective, comforting layers of blankets to hibernate for a week. Exactly seven days later your head and sinuses clear like a mountain stream busting loose into miniature ice floes during a spring thaw, and you emerge from your recuperative refuge as fresh and energetic as the pristine, effervescent waters of a melting snow pack.So how do you treat a cold in the summer? When it’s 70 plus degrees outside, you’re not generally inclined to build fires, consume warm beverages or don consolatory layers of clothing. And as you sit glued with sweat to your lawn chair, wearing Bermuda shorts and a tank top, sipping gazpacho and lemonade while your head throbs with pressure like an overripe muskmelon and your nose drips like a plugged water sprinkler, it’s virtually impossible to conjure up any of those winter-oriented curative vibes. As I enter my third (yes, third) week of wheezing, coughing and snuffling, I’m developing several theories about winter colds versus summer colds. My first theory is that summer colds last at least twice as long as winter colds because – for the reasons just mentioned – you simply can’t psyche yourself up to get better without all the trappings of winter cold treatments. When your mom is in Hawaii, for example, lazing under a palm tree and nursing an umbrella-adorned fruit drink, instead of in your kitchen poring over a hot stove to concoct the generations-old secret family recipe for chicken soup (our secret family happened to be Campbell’s, but it’s the thought that counts, you know) to nurse you back to health, you just aren’t as motivated to get well.

My second theory is that the summer cold sufferer’s recovery is further impeded by self-delusions that perhaps they are suffering from a rarely occurring or newly acquired allergy. I watch my husband sneezing and sniffling with summertime allergies and I start to think maybe that’s what I have, so I conduct a comparison of symptoms.“Honey, do you feel like someone made a voodoo doll in your likeness and then plunged a dagger into the doll’s forehead right above the left eye? Do you have coughing fits that turn your face so many alternating shades of purple and blue that the children think it’s a magic trick and laugh and beg you to do it again? Do you experience fever-induced dreams where you come up with the entire text for a gripping novella, only to awake and realize that the few phrases you remember from the dream are pure drivel?”

“No, dear.”

That obviously proves that I am not suffering from any typical run-of-the-mill allergy.

My third theory is that the summertime cold is best combatted by ingesting healthy foodstuff. Fruits and veggies, for example. I go to the fridge in search of something in the green category. I have green olives and pickles – one representative from each aforementioned food group, to be sure, but not quite what I had in mind. The only other greens to be found on the premises are the bowl of leftover Casserole Surprise that got shoved to the back of the fridge shelf a few months ago, and the exposed end of a loaf of cheddar cheese. Well, theory number three needs a little more research. And while scientists continue to delve into the cure for the common cold, I’ll pursue my own contribution to the world of medicine – the cure for the “uncommon” cold, the summertime cold. # # #

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”-- Bern Williams I don’t know about the whole face licking puppy thing – being a cat lady and all – but I do know that I tend to feel better when I get to spend time with my pets. Research has shown that stroking a dog or a cat can lower blood pressure and heart rate, reduce anxiety, and can boost one’s levels of serotonin and dopamine (the “feel good” brain chemicals). Watching fish can lower one’s pulse and ease muscle tension, and exposure to an aviary full of songbirds has been found to lower depression in hospitalized elderly men.

There are many ways in which pet ownership can help prevent or reduce mild to moderate depression in people. Here are some of the ways noted in multiple online articles.

Companionship/unconditional love. Depression can lead to isolation when we withdraw from family and friends, and by turning away from the people who can support us, we compound the depression. Pets are a good intervention. Interactions with our pets don’t leave us feeling unloved, misunderstood, judged, looked down upon, pitied, inferior or any other number of negative emotions we can project onto others. Pets just love us for who we are, or maybe sometimes for what we feed them, but we can pretend it’s us they like and they won’t tell us otherwise. They won’t tell us anything, they are just there for us, with us, unconditionally.

Responsibility. Sometimes it seems we can barely take care of ourselves but, unless the depression is really severe, we remain able to care for a pet and that helps us feel capable as we tend to the needs of another. It also gives us something positive to focus on, and helps get us out of our own heads for a while.

Routine. In tandem with responsibility of pet ownership, comes the routine of continual care. Feeding times, walks, and other needs help to create a schedule to follow which helps when coping with depression.

Physical contact. Touch is important to our feelings of connectedness, and being able to pet an animal helps to fill that need. This is where dogs and cats take a lead over pet goldfish. The feel of fur is more soothing than slimy scales. On the other hand, a goldfish isn’t ever going to “touch” you back with claws or teeth. So a case can be made for fins and gills over feet and fangs.

I hate to admit it, but dogs bring additional benefits in fighting depression. Because they need to be walked, they encourage physical activity which is beneficial on many levels. And because they get you out and moving, you are more likely to have the opportunity for social interaction. Dog walkers are more prone to eliciting contact and conversation from passersby than are people walking alone. No one mentioned the effects of people walking goldfish...

Pet therapy is a recognized form of psychotherapy for treating depression. Trained animals are used to provide interaction between patients and pets in facilities where pets are otherwise not allowed. Just the nearness of pets tends to calm people down, slowing and softening their speech, and offering a distraction that shifts people’s attention outwards and away from ruminating. While pets aren’t a replacement for other depression treatments, they can certainly be a beneficial add-on.

Pet ownership isn’t for everyone, however. Pets require time, attention and responsibility which can become overwhelming depending on one’s level of depression. Some people just aren’t comfortable around pets. There are financial considerations, as there will be costs for food, veterinary care, supplies, licensing, etc. Pets can also cause destruction or injuries if not properly tended. So it’s not wise to foist a pet off on someone to “cheer them up” if they are not in agreement, or if it hasn’t been carefully considered.

I’m thankful for my two cats. I’ve experienced the comfort and companionship they can provide. I’ve had mornings where the only impetus for getting up was their incessant meowing to be fed or let out. And I’ve experienced times of loneliness, when it seemed that my cat just knew it was the right thing to climb into my lap.

Garrison Keillor is quoted as saying that “Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”

"There is an immeasurable distance between late and too late." -- Og Mandino

No one has ever accused me of being ahead of my time. So maybe no one will be surprised that I am a day late in celebrating The United Nations’ (UN) International Day of Peace. Timeanddate.com tells us that “Peace Day,” which is observed on September 21 each year, is meant to “recognize the efforts of those who have worked hard to end conflict and promote peace. The International Day of Peace is also a day of ceasefire – personal or political.”

So today, I am passing along two YouTube videos, one specific to International Peace Day, and the other a Playing for Change video, “Don’t Worry.” The Playing For Change Foundation “is dedicated to the fundamental idea that peace and change are possible through the universal language of music.” Another of their videos can be found through a link on my About Me page. Here’s to a peaceful planet:

Here’s another look back to two decades ago, when I was raising my two beautiful daughters. From an article published on April 10, 1992: Punch LineDo you realize that humans are the only species on earth who tell jokes? It’s not that other animals don’t have a sense of humor. Take cats, for example. Did you ever watch one when it comes upon a dog tied with a leash or fenced into a yard? Cats love to sit just inches out of range of the constrained canine and then watch the poor dog go nuts trying to get at them. A cat’s sense of humor is rather sardonic.A dog, on the other hand, has a less refined sense of humor. He’ll laugh at anything, including himself. Especially himself. A cat never laughs at herself, and it behooves the rest of us not to be caught laughing at her either. Certainly not if we want our drapes and carpeting to remain unshredded.

But even with their appreciation of humorous situations, other animals don’t sit around making up anecdotes or slipping puns into their everyday barking or meowing or whatever. So what makes us different?

Perhaps we just have more time on our hands to think of such silliness. We don’t have to concentrate on nearly so many things as ol’ Bowser does, like trying to remember whether he buried his new bone in your herb garden or under the neighbor’s prize-winning rose bushes. Or which fire hydrants are his to irrigate and which ones are better left to the St. Bernard down the street. Pretty profound ponderings for one pooch to process. It’s a wonder he can laugh at all.

Or it could be our allegedly superior intellect that jump-starts our jocularity. Research indicates that dolphins might have an intellect to match or exceed that of humans. Scientists have been trying to interpret some of this mammal’s communications and have identified sounds of distress and calls for help, etc. I bet if they researched dolphin humor, they might discover another species capable of telling jokes. An analysis of Flipper television reruns would reveal that while the dolphin was supposedly chattering something pertinent to the storyline, like “the bad guys went that-a-way,” in reality he was cutting up with lines like, “Why did the tuna cross the ocean? To get to the other tide!”

Maybe I’ll apply for a government grant to study my “Flipper Phenomenon” theory.

With the possible exception of marine mammals, though, the rest of the animal kingdom apparently lacks the brainpower to generate jokes. Once I awoke in the middle of the night and heard my cat repeating something over and over. When I finally deciphered the sounds, I determined that she was chanting this: “There once was a dachshund from Hammond…” It seemed kind of odd at first, but I concluded that the poor cat was striving to break the animal limerick barrier and just didn’t have the wherewithal to come up with a rhyme for “Hammond.” Come to think of it, I can’t find a rhyme for “Hammond” either.

I think I’m kind of a throwback in the jesting gene pool. I can never remember a joke. It makes me a snap to entertain. I’ll laugh at the same line all night long if you give me about five minutes between times to forget it again. But don’t expect me to tell a joke. My entire repertoire consists of one anecdote that I memorized after learning I would have to tell a joke as part of a job interview in college. If I hadn’t been forewarned about that part of the interview, I would probably still be sitting there today, saying “there once was a dachshund from Hammond…” over and over.

Even my two-year-old can deliver a punch line better than I can. My folks were down visiting last weekend, and my dad was joggling Annie on his knee. Referring to the column I had written the previous week about Annie’s question to her daddy, my father teased me, “Did the wind really blow Steve’s hair away?”“Ask Annie,” I suggested, since she had been the one to pose the question to her father.

In past posts I have discussed four of the ten Basics that some consider to be the foundation to recovery from depression. So far we have covered nutrition, taking meds, laughter, and spirituality. Forging ahead on our series, we come to Part Five: Exercise. There have been many studies conducted that have shown that exercise can boost one’s mood and that it can lower the rate of depression. An article at time.com titled "Is Exercise the Best Drug for Depression?" by Laura Blue indicates that in multiple trials, patients performing aerobic exercise routines have seen “improvement in their depression comparable to that of those treated with medication, and that both groups do better than patients given only a placebo.” The results also seem to indicate that exercise “not only relieves depressive symptoms but also appears to prevent them from recurring.” Tests to date, however, have been small and were run only for relatively short time periods.

Although exercise might be a preferred substitute for antidepressants for those not wanting to take medication, it can take longer for the benefits of exercise to kick in. It can also be a challenge to stay motivated to put in the time and effort to exercise when one is depressed.

While it is widely accepted that exercise helps depression, there are many theories as to exactly how it works. Some believe that the benefits for depressed people are basically an extension of the overall advantages derived by anyone who exercises. An article at about.com titled "Exercise and Depression: How to get up and get moving," by Paige Waehner lists a number of such benefits for people, including that it increases energy, self-esteem, and a sense of mastery which helps you feel more in control of your life. Waehner adds that exercise also fights "mild to moderate depression because it...** Provides a distraction from your worries; ** Improves your health and body, which can help lift your mood; ** Helps you get rid of built-up stress and frustration; ** Helps you sleep better, which can often be a problem when you're depressed”

Other specialists talk about how exercise affects brain chemicals. Exercise causes your body to release endorphins, “feel-good” chemicals that interact with receptors in the brain and which can elicit a “runners high,” a feeling of euphoria that is sometimes experienced after a workout or a run. The time.com article previously cited tells us that “exercise may alter brain chemistry in much the same way that antidepressant drugs do — regulating the key neurotransmitters serotonin and norepinephrine,” and that “over the course of several weeks, exercise can switch on certain genes that increase the brain's level of galanin, a peptide neurotransmitter that appears to tone down the body's stress response by regulating another brain chemical, norepinephrine.” I won’t pretend to understand all of that, but I’m assuming it"s a good thing. So what kind of exercise should we do? How often should we do it, and for what length of time? That would be a great discussion to have with your doctor. And seeing your doctor is a great idea for any time you begin an exercise regimen if you have not been very active previously.

Other things to consider:

Exercise outdoors if possible. There are many benefits to exercising outdoors if the weather and climate are amenable to doing so. In a previous post, I talked about some of the advantages of being outdoors. It may be a good time to reread that post for more information.Find an activity you enjoy doing. If exercise becomes tedious and boring, what are the chances of sticking to it? There are so many options available to us, that something should strike our fancy. My exercise of choice right now is CrossFit, mostly because my fitness coach daughter gives me one-on-one training. I also get a kick out of how CrossFit is viewed from the outside. A Wikipedia article states that “Many [CrossFit] athletes and trainers see themselves as part of a contrarian, insurgent movement that questions conventional fitness wisdom.” I don’t really see myself or my daughter as being contrarian or insurgent, although we both may be a little unconventional. But I get to feel kind of bad-ass when I tell people I do CrossFit.

Set realistic goals. None of us got into the condition we are in overnight. We may have to start out slowly at first, and it may take time to see the benefits. So we shouldn’t set ourselves up with high expectations of immediately feeling better or of immediately getting fit. Exercise is a very proactive undertaking for those of us dealing with depression. A bit challenging to follow through on, but the results can be pretty far-reaching. On the plus side: there are no “side effects” unless you are already predisposed to injury or ill health, it can be inexpensive, and it not only helps your mental health, but improves your physical health as well. So let’s get moving, get that heart beating and those brain chemicals flowing. I’ll race you to the gym. Maggie

Do you remember all the hype in the 1990s about the “Mozart Effect?” People came to believe that, by listening to music composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in the late 1700s, one could improve his/her IQ. It was thought that music such as Mozart’s piano concertos could benefit the mental development of children. The belief was so strongly held that in January of 1998, the governor of Georgia proposed that the state’s budget include funds to provide every child born in Georgia with a tape or CD of classical music.

The support for this phenomenon was based on research conducted in 1993, where the effect of listening to classical music was shown to enhance spatial-temporal reasoning in subjects as measured by an IQ test. The effects actually only lasted up to 15 minutes, but somewhere along the line these results became misconstrued to the notion that listening to Mozart could increase one’s general IQ and actually make them “smarter.”

Additional research helped to debunk that theory, but other studies have shown that there are benefits to listening to classical music, including the reduction in depression. An online article titled “Classical Music an Effective Antidepressant" written by Tom Jacobs cites a study conducted on 79 patients at an Oaxaca clinic in Mexico, where 79 patients were divided into two groups. Over the course of eight weeks half the group received 30 minutes of counseling with a psychologist each week. The other half spent 50 minutes each day listening to classical music (compositions by Bach and Mozart). By the end of the study 29 of the music listeners showed improvement and only 12 of the talk therapy group improved. The researchers determined that there was “a statistically significant effect for music," suggesting that music can “enhance the effects of psychological support.” They were not suggesting that listening to music be used as a replacement for other types of therapy, but rather that it be considered as a supplemental tool.

How do these results come about? The researchers “note that depression is often associated with low levels of dopamine in the brain, and/or a low number of dopamine receptors. Previous research has found listening to music can increase dopamine levels.”

Another online article, “Effect of Classical Music on the Brain” written by Silvia Francesca Maglione indicates that it is the melody and rhythm of classical music that affects the brain. The rhythm increases serotonin levels in the brain. Maglione explains that “serotonin is a neurotransmitter, involved in the transmission of nerve impulses that helps maintaining joyous feelings. When the brain produces serotonin, tension is eased. In fact depression is a consequence of the scarce production of this hormone. Serotonin is released when the brain is ‘positively shocked’.”

Classical music pops up in other non-depression related research; or maybe I should say non-human non-depression related research. Psychology researchers in England played different styles of music to cows, and found that the bovines preferred Beethoven over Lynyrd Skynyrd and Shania Twain. When listening to the more mellow classical music, the cows produced up to 3 percent more milk per day. The researchers hypothesized that the slower beat of classical music lowered the cows’ stress levels and helped them to relax so that they let down their milk more easily. In an article titled “How Do Plants React to Classical Music?” author Phillip Ginn describes several experiments performed to see how plants react to music, and often it was classical music that seemed to yield the most positive results. Researcher Dorothy Retallack tested to see what kinds of music plants “liked” based on how well they thrived. She found that more mellow music produced better results. Plants actually turned toward the speakers of soothing music and moved away from speakers playing more raucous music. They preferred orchestral renditions of rock songs over the original versions of the same songs. In another experiment, classical Northern Indian music (featuring sitars and tabla) and Bach organ music were played and, while the plants liked both types of music, they seemed to prefer the Indian music. These discerning plants grew straggly and eventually died when exposed to rock music, and dissonant classical music didn’t fare much better.

And no research would be complete without lab rats. In tests where rats were given the option of going into boxes where classical music was being played and boxes with rock music, rats tended to choose the classical box. In another experiment, rats with more exposure to classical music performed better in mazes than rats that were exposed to other sounds or no sounds. At world-science.net an article titled “Do mice succumb to Mozart?" states that the rodent research is challenged by the observation that rats wouldn’t be able to hear most of the Mozart music used in the studies, as the pitches are too low.

I may have gotten off track a little here, since I haven’t really known any cows, plants or rats that suffered from depression, but the research is interesting nonetheless and does help bolster the notion that classical music does affect living things, and affects them to their benefit.

So as I sit here listening to a Vivaldi concerto on Pandora radio, I don’t have a clue as to what might be happening to my dopamine or serotonin levels, but I do know that I feel relaxed and content in this moment. And maybe my sickly bamboo plant will get a lift, too. I think I did, however, see it rocking out to Huey Lewis and the News the other day.

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” ― Groucho Marx

As part of my “decluttering” process, I decided to go through my book collection and pare it down enough so that the books I kept would all fit in my largest bookcase instead of overflowing into two others. I managed to pull 81 books off the shelves that I am determined to sell or give away.

In the past, I promised myself that I would finish reading each book before giving it away. With so little time spent in reading, however, reducing my collection in that manner was almost impossible. Several of the books have never been read, or only read in part. Bookmarks sticking out the tops show that I didn’t get very far on many of them. I don't retain information very well, so in order to complete these books meaningfully I would need to start reading from the beginning again. So with the “read each book” criterion in place, not many books left the shelves.

This time around I went at the project from a different angle. I looked at each book with one question in mind: is this book applicable to my life right now? Many of them weren’t. Finance books about investing, for example, just no longer apply. With no money to invest at this time, hanging onto a book that will likely be outdated by the time I ever acquire enough money to invest doesn’t make sense. On the other hand, I’ve kept many of the books relating to creativity, art (drawing, painting, stained glass) and writing because the content of those books is relatively timeless and I hope to explore these endeavors again at some point. Many cookbooks and diet books lost their shelf space in large part due to my (philosophical) conversion to the Paleo eating lifestyle. Pasta in the recipe? Grains? Out it goes.

Also I have had changes in priorities over time. A quick glance at the spines of my books, and I find five books with the word “success” in their title, four with the word “millionaire,” and one book title that seems to really sum up my previous interest: Having It All. I’m not even sure how I would define success at this point, although I suppose if someone handed me a million dollars I wouldn’t turn it down. But materialistic goals don’t fit in with my current situation, and so those books are going too.Another thread that runs through my book collection is the concept of “fast and easy,” as seen in titles like: Firm Up in 3 Weeks, Speedwealth, The Automatic Millionaire, Meals in Minutes, The Three Ingredient Cookbook, Instant Persuasion, Just Give Me the Answers (a personal finance book), The Universe in a Nutshell… I didn’t just want it all, I wanted it all now!

I guess reality has struck. I’m not going to have it “all” materialistically any time soon, if ever, and I’m going to have to be patient with how my life unfolds. I don’t know what is in store for me in the future, but I no longer think that a book is going to hold all the answers for getting through life. Sometimes we have to pull our noses out from between the pages and actually live our lives. So what’s left on my book shelves? Book about my faith, books about creativity, classics old and new, still a spattering of self-help books, some nostalgic works (a Hardy Boys mystery, the children’s story Not This Bear)… Now that I can buy books in digital format, finding the space to store them is no longer a critical consideration. But I’ll never give up the comfort of having a bookcase stacked with “real,” tangible books that I can pull off the shelves, feel their heft in my hands, and experience the texture and smell of the pages as I turn them.

Here's my weekly flashback to twenty years ago, and what was happening during that happy time of my life. This article is from March 27, 1992: Twenty Questions“Mommy, why is the sky blue? What makes grass?” We are barely ten miles out on a 60-some mile long trip. The truck’s radio is broken and there are four of us stuffed into the cab, with no room for the girls to lie down and sleep. I think Catherine saves up her best questions for just such occasions. I’m not sure why the sky is blue, but there are two things I know for certain: this will be a long, long trip and I will have a headache when it is over.Catherine has entered the “how come” phase of life, where questions comprise roughly 75 percent of her conversation. Another 20 percent consists of demands for personal services such as feeding (immediately), dressing (in pink, if you please) and putting her hair into an assortment of Barbie-esque hairdos. The final 5 percent of her speech is a mishmash of statements ranging from “I’m not going to be your friend anymore and you can’t come to my birthday!” to “I love everyone in the whole world!”

Watching television with my preschool daughters has become a trying ordeal. As soon as the character appears on the screen I am barraged with questions. “Mommy, who is that? What is he doing?” And most importantly, “Is he a good guy or a bad guy?”

Every time lettering appears on the screen or a commercial comes on, Catherine seems to have a Pavlovian-programmed reflex to turn to me and inquire, “Is the show over now?”

It’s even more challenging if I tune in a program for the girls to watch and then leave the room. Absence is no excuse for not having all the answers. “Why was the little girl laughing? Was that her Mommy in the car?”“I don’t know, Catherine. I didn’t watch the show and I have no idea who or what you are talking about.”

“Oh.” Catherine waits a few seconds. “Were they good guys or bad guys?”

Maybe I should feel honored that my daughters seem to regard me as omniscient, but that’s not really the case. Sometimes I flunk out on seemingly simple questions.

“Why is the sun shining on us so hot?” Catherine asked one day.

“Because it’s a hot, sunny day,” I said. Made sense to me.

“No! That’s not why!” Catherine glowered at me, as if I had told her she couldn’t wear pink anymore or something equally repugnant. I guess I could have gone into an explanation of the earth’s position relative to the sun, or theories of global warming, but I have a feeling none of that would have been the right answer either.

To compound the problem, Annie is into imitating, so if Catherine starts up playing Twenty Questions, Annie pipes in with 20 of her own. Only Annie adds a new twist to the game. She precedes each question with: “Mommy?” I wait for the question to follow. Instead she repeats herself: “Mommy??” I turn toward her to let her know that I am listening. Not good enough. “Mommy!?”

“What!” I finally respond. Only after my verbal response will she proceed with her question, if she still remembers it. If she doesn’t remember what she was going to ask, she starts over: “Mommy?”Sometimes the questions are entertaining. They show a unique form of logic with which only young children are blessed. One windy day, the family was on an outing and my husband, who wears a hat to protect his balding scalp from the elements, was having a difficult time keeping the hat on his head. Annie was delighted to watch her daddy repeatedly chase his cap down the street.

That evening as I was brushing Annie’s hair, she asked, “Mommy?”

“What?” I responded quickly. I’m learning, you see.

“Why doesn’t Daddy have any hair?”

“Why don’t you ask Daddy?” I suggested wearily, having fielded my quota of questions for the day.

Apparently remembering the day’s earlier activities, Annie turned to her father and asked, “Daddy, did the wind blow your hair away, too?”

Welcome!

About me and this blog: Having suffered at the hands of my own negativity for far too long, I decided it was time to claim the positive energy that is available to each of us for our own benefit and for the benefit of others. Hence, I've begun the process of "lifting the weight" of depression from my soul and moving into a lighter, freer space. Please join me in finding a way to a more balanced, affirming life.