Obama thanks America for new golf clubs

WASHINGTON — President Obama has issued a thank-you card to the American people, saying his taxpayer-funded birthday check allowed him to buy a new set of golf clubs — and take his wife Michelle out to a fancy seafood restaurant.

“To all Americans, I offer my sincerest gratitude,” Obama said in a Blue Mountain e-card sent to the nation’s 120 million households. “Because of your generous gift, I was able to buy a new 19-piece set of Top Flite clubs, which are lightweight but strong.”

“The driver is a little chipped, so I talked the salesman down to three hundred bucks,” he added.

The $500 check sent to him by U.S. taxpayers also permitted the President and First Lady to have a romantic dinner at a Virginia-area Red Lobster.

“The waiter was a little slow, and our appetizer crab cakes were soggy, but other than that we had a great time,” Obama said. “Michelle even had the waiters sing me ‘Happy Birthday’ in pirate talk, which was very cute, albeit a little embarrassing.”

Most Americans surveyed admit they regret not having splurged a little more, saying they will try to make it up during the First Couple’s October wedding anniversary, when they will either buy Mr. and Mrs. Obama a weekend at a spa — or a new Air Force One aircraft, if they can find one on sale.