Mr. Barbera (some men just seem to command the title Mr., anyway) is one of the most elegant gentlemen I know. Of course he always looks great but it’s his manners and his manner that really set him apart.

Manners and grace are soooo important to great style. Would Cary Grant be Cary Grant without his grace? I’m telling you guys, women really notice that stuff.

Anyone know of a good book on manners for gentleman and young men? One that’s actually modern and reflective of today’s society. I’m not kidding but I saw one for young girls done by American Girl and I thought it was great. I’m buying it for my girls for their birthdays (I already know the response it will get but, I’m doing it anyway…they’ll thank me later).

While we were walking together Mr. Barbera kept stopping to emphasize a point he was making in the conversation. Usually this was done with very emphatic but graceful hand gestures (like any good Italian). Though I was listening closely to what he was saying, I was also looking closely at his gloves!

Garance has been on me about not buying so many new clothes and instead wearing the clothes I have if I want them to age gracefully. While I was shooting Mr. Barbera I was wearing a pair of slightly darker brown pecari leather gloves and I kept thinking to myself….”My gloves are going to look just like that in about two years.” Of course, about an hour later, I lost them in a taxi on the way to the Gucci show!

Thank you, Scott, bringing attention to this much ignored subject: It is not enough to look beautiful, one's manners must reflect a deeper attempt at beauty.

I don't know of a modern book (the market cries out of one) but this little, inexpensive book is worth a look:

"Rules of Civility: The 110 Precepts that guided our First President in War and Peace" by Richard Brookhiser. I found it illuminating: My own manners, I decided, needed some attention.So I got one for myself and well as my son.

For example: "Give not advice without being asked, and when desired do it briefly." :â)

The perfect gentleman; and yes, leather gloves do age so nicely (if you keep them, that is). Though I don't know about any direct advise books I always find Jane Austen's books often address the question what (and what not) makes a gentleman.

He looks like such a friendly person too! He's so well dressed, and I definitely agree that manners and grace are important with style. I've always loved the 'Old Hollywood' actors because they're always so graceful. I think Cary Grants grace was one of the key components to his persona.

Makes me wish I didn't feel silly with a hat on. Maybe when I'm older. I don't know about a book but there's a fantastic blog that you might find helpful called The Art of Manliness at artofmanliness.com – it covers everything from manners to what a man carries in his pockets.

I do not wish to be dismissive of good manners, but I've noticed that the pervasive cult of "youth culture" loudly drowns out the adults who try very hard both to teach and exemplify them. Sart, it is a good thing you do here when you highlight the "grown-ups" in your blog.

Class has always been cool, and it has nothing to do with money. It has everything to do with making others comfortable around you by caring about how you present yourself to the world.

He reminds me of my father and grandfather. My wife recently told me the same thing that Garance told you. I look in my armoire and see many beautiful classic suits. Yet I always feel that I need one more this or one more that. Nonsense! All I really need, Scott, is one more pair of shoes. I promise. Just one more pair and I'm set for life.

Lovely stuff. You are dead right about the manners. One quick way to ruin a fashionable first impression is to make an idiot of yourself as soon as you open your mouth.

One collection of tips for boys that I have been very fond of lately is Rules for My Unborn Son: http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/There is a book out now too, I believe. It's more about masculinity in general than specifically about manners, but as we've discussed, good manners are vital to being a real gentleman.

I don't think any book could help in teaching, ingraining and applying manners. Ettiquette maybe, but not manners. That depends on personal choice. It starts from a young age and there should be no modern twist to it. The same way my 60yr old father treated his elderlies, the same way I am expected to, the same way my children I am going to teach my children to as well. No book can teach how to carry oneself except the teaching that a parent can teach their child. This goes directly to family values as well, they've got tobe taught from a young age. And this doesn't mean that single parent households are not families. Values can be taught there as well. A book can only help one to be erudite but personal teaching helps one to apply.

My father once told me that as a man I should never reach my hand out to shake a woman's hand. I should rather wait for her to reach out and then oblige her.

It is always to wonderful to see mature elegance and refinement. It is sad to note that Mr. Barbera is a dying breed. It is possible to find class and refinement throughout Europe however it is largely with the older generation, and not in the young. Jeans, down jackets, ski/ baseball caps, sneakers or Uggs seem to be the uniform not matter where you go. Behaviors that scream the universe revolves around me – was he talking on his cellphone while you were with him, or texting? Such a pity. Manners and civility, go to Dr. P.M.Forni who is a leading expert and so charming too. http://krieger.jhu.edu/civility

Sart – Good stuff. Very hard to see chapper dapper guys like this stateside. What I loved about growing up in Europe and going back each year. The older folk still take trememdous pride in what they wear, and how they look like.

Concur with your view on manners! A breath of fresh air when you meet someone who genuinely has them. Hard to find nowadays.

Perhaps a little too specific, but I think Tiffany's Table Manners for Teenagers is invaluable. Table manners are a big part of what separates the wheat from the chaff. I received a copy as a teenager, and though I was initially embarrassed, it's much better than being embarrassed at a fine dinner party. I still reference it today.

You are so right about manners! There is a great book out by a blogger–its called "Rules for my Unborn Son"–I think it may be exactly what you are looking for!

Also, for the girls, the Kate Spade book "Manners" is a personal favorite, a book called "a Guide to Elegance" I got in my Christmas stocking which is perfect for modern women who kick it old school, and Cynthia Rowley's "Swell" are all fabulous options.

Yes, Mr. Barbera is an elegant man just by his appearance, but I'm sure, as you pointed out, its his manner and his manners that make him a class act. I can't tell you how many well-dressed guys I know are complete turn-offs once they open their mouths. Let me not forget the fact that most of them have absolutely no manners to speak of. Clothes are a good down payment on achieving style, but personality and manners are the things you need to pay of the mortage.

I'm particularly fond of the whole light-tan single strap monk chucka against darker pants look — very Italian, terrifically stylish, and he carries it beautifully. Those shoes are definitely on my to-buy list…

I completely agree — grace, manners and elegance have been all but lost today. Such a shame. It makes the few that still posses those qualities stand out. And you're right — this gentleman does command the title. Great photos!

I am afraid, that this level of style and grace will slowly disappear of this world…Or do you think that your, our and the younger generation will be able to breath this in, learn this?Somehow I am a pessimist about this. But I still hope!And please, always put your gloves in your pocket when you donÂ´t need them! ;-)))

Manners and Grace are SO Important and so many people do not have them which is reflecting in their appearance and communication skills. Emily Post is my favorite book on etiquette, but a modern version would be very appropriate right now. Just looking at last nights grammys, we are in dire need of manners. Just read the "the SECRET AGENT" ARTICLE from the FT Weekend about the NY Corporate Lawyer. I work with these people and their manner areatrocious considering all the money spent on their education, one should expect more.

You hit the nail on the head. A lovely demeanor and manners take a person a long way. Way further than the latest that Prada, Gucci and Fendi have to offer.

I agree with Garance's point about wearing what one has. When we make an effort to buy well made clothes with classic cuts and so on and so forth, we should make those clothes work a bit. That's what the great cut/material is supposed to do for us.

I remember Mr. Barbera from your book. He0s great and I simply love his camels (I do love camels myself). You couldn't be more right talking about style. Cary Grant (my ideal man) couldn't be the same without his grace. And you're right. We, women, really notice that. ;-)By Ms. Bunbury

love these shotsand i loved reading your post as well. you can see this man is a gentleman, it really translates well in these photos. not only does he have amazing timeless style, but he has manners and grace.. that's one combination we definitely don't find every day..

This would be a great time for our purveyor of elegant Style Ralph Lauren to have a MEN's show this NY Fashion week to remind people (MEN) how to dress. There is a resurgence happening (albeit a slow one). Look at the interest in Savile Row (lead by Norton and Son's Patrick Grant), the increase interest in Pitti Uomo coverage. In fact SART, why are there more pics from Pitti? Lead the charge.

good manners are like good clothes, they give back to the owner. These things require us to think of others before ourselves, to take care in what we are. Others smile and we feel it. This is very healthy.

Manners and grace sure is important, and Mr Barbera does look amazing. About the book, the guy Walker Lamond has written the book, Rules For My Unborn Son, and its absolutely great. http://rulesformyunbornson.net/

So beautiful! I love that you addressed manners and grace, both sorely lacking in younger generations. It is touching to see how intentional you are when you focus on your subject. You are truly a wonderful artist! I'm looking forward to reading all these comments and seeing what resources were suggested.

Mr Sart. You want to look at "Mr Jones' Rules for the Modern Man" by Dylan Jones, editor of British GQ.It's excellent and covers manners, dressing and many other need to's. You must know Dylan?Great book anyhow, well worth your while.

Back when Queer Eye was big, the Fab 5 published a book based on all the lessons in the show. I ended up buying it for my little brother and my boyfriend for Christmas that year and they both loved it. It is a fun, modern take on behaving in a chic and masculine way.

Thank you for stressing the importance of manners and having grace and poise in general (for both men and women). It conveys such a sense of respect for self and others. I'm about to graduate college and am surrounded by many young people who lack these skills!

Luciano is one of your stars Sart. along with Marzotto, Hackett, the Luca's and one or two others. The combo of the darkish brown tweed, mid grey flannels and highly polished monks take some beating. And the great thing is anyone can wear them to advantage. The polo coat looks good on him but doesn't work on everyone so any imitators need to bear this in mind. As to the other it has long been a truism that "Manners Makyth Man."

Im Simply fascinated with this one, I agree, there is something more than "wearing" a perfect look, you have to be and live the perfect look, does not exist a perfect look with out this touch of class and that is only reachable being educated and having manners.People under 30, should really buy a book of manners at the same time as they absorb the vogue of every month.

That slim volume "What a man should know" published by J. Crew was an excellent if slightly tongue in cheek guide to how a man should comport himself. For some reason Crew seems to have stopped selling it, even though it seemed like a perfect little gift-ette for an intelligent feller.

I agree with Garance! Anyone can wear new clothes – new clothes wear you. But clothes that are worn-in and have worn well shows that you love them, they belong only to you, they may look, smell and feel strange on anyone else. They have become part of you, like an old arm-chair that no one else is allowed to sit on.

I love this look! Older men who are stylish and gentlemen make my heart flutter! I'm lucky to be married to a guy who is slowly figuring out his fashion style, and his manners are fantastic. I figure 50 years from now I'll still be crazy about him for these reasons alone!

My Dad had gloves like that! (he's 92 now and doesn't get out much any more).

As for manners, I saw a handwritten sign 20 plus years ago on the kitchen wall of the Nantucket Ferry. In full view of the customer, it read: "PLEASE and THANK YOU: The forgotten words of the 20th century", if I am recalling correctly.

Manners help establish habits of remembering to pay attention to the world around us, including the one serving us food. Not only to be grateful for the service provided, but also willing to take notice of others as fellow human beings. That is worth teaching our children.

"How to be a Gentleman, A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy" by John Bridges is a quick little reference book that every man should read. I am a mother of two little boys and am determined to raise them to be a pleasure for everyone who meets their acquaintance.

Adults have been complaining about the attitude, behaviour, etc., of youth since time immemorial (see Pompeii for graffiti). Children learn how to behave by observing and mimicking adults. Grace, elegance, good manners: if the kids don't have it it's because we don't.

However, I don't think that is so, it's probably that kids reinterpret and then do it their way. Adults don't understand and think it's rude. I find my son's friends nothing but charming.

haha i had the american girl manners book… i loved that! then i graduated on to tiffany's book of table manners for teenagers. whenever i'd accompany my mom to fancy business dinners, i was proud to know which fork to use haha!

Perhaps someone already mentioned it, but my mother gave me the three-book series on etiquette titled, "A Gentleman Gets Dressed," "As a Gentleman Would Say," and "How to be a Gentleman." I believe one could purchase the trio on Amazon.

Of all the books she's given me, these have proven the most useful (save, of course, for the journal she gives me each Christmas.)

I have two pairs of gloves just like that that belonged to my grandmother, they were her 'country' gloves so I am interested to see them here on such a urbane man. I wear them every winter and have only to resew the seams every few years. They are probably about 70 years old and have darkened in just the same way.

Manners are making other people feel comfortable and welcome. Beyond the triteness of that sentence is that everyone, men and women, encourage others to act from their best natures. Be compassionate; be principled; be brave; don't hit a man when's down; be generous. Protect the weak, enforce justice. Don't whine; don't boast. Do it all with grace.

Another vote for "The Art of Manliness" site. I also believe in the importance of manners but I also hope it reflects an interior virtue (hope that didn't sound too pretentious!). But at least it can be a doorway to good behavior and character. I love the pictures, especially the last one. You've see this sort of comment on your blog before but yes, in my perfect world more (most? all?) men would dress this way. After your remark about manners I think the most importance sentence in your post is the last one. Like manners, this way of dressing is within reach of almost every man (even if with clothing that's less expensive). It's a shame that more men don't realize this.

to have grace, is to give grace. to be mannered, is not to be affected, but rather, aware of yourself in time and space. To be present, in the world. The past, the future, is NOW, whatever your age or background or gender, there are no excuses for any educated citizen to be without it…. im glad to see this man with NOW,THEN and WHEN carried with him in the structure of his very being, like the architecture of his brilliant outfit… and the fitted gloves…. viva.. the taxi will carry them on to another home, another NOW

I don't know if someone has already posted this one, and it's more of a novelty book but has a lot of straightforward points about being a gentleman. http://rulesformyunbornson.net/It's a book and a website.

My father is a perfect gentleman, kind and elegant. But people often tell him that he is too nice!! My father is a confident man and does not let comments like that get to him. But ii is strange that you often hear that people should be nicer to one another and yet we do not encourage the ones who are!!

Yeah, this man is totally a gentleman…his style is just wonderful. He is so smart, elegant. Bravo!My father has the same style. He buys Paul Smith, CP Compagny, and U-NI-TY…it's just so nice when men take care of themselves!

MR.BARBERA IS FOR SURE THE VERY MEANING OF ELEGANCE. AND NOWADAYS FASHION HAS BEEN EACH TIME SO FAR AWAY FROM ELEGANT THAT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE THAT SOME PEOPLE STILL GO BACK TO THEIR ROOTS OF ELEGANCE,CLASS,& STYLE.

Really good post. Great text. I SO agree with everything you wrote. I feel a huge gap in today's society, we hardly have any knowledge about good manners that used to be highly important, today are just a pipe-dream. Such a shame.

No comment about the photos themselves,as they are (as always) perfect perfect perfect.

Oh women DO notice manners. In fact, to some this things is crucial in a man.

I wish I could recommend a good book for gentlemen, but I only know of a good one for ladies – then again maybe it's exactly the one you know of – "How to Walk in High Heels: the Girl's Guide to Everything" by Camilla Morton

Manners are so important to teach the next generation. I have four boys and I try to teach them to live by the "Four C's" we think are important: Common Sense, Character, Courage and Compassion. What are manners if not simply compassion for others? And sometimes you need a lot of courage to be compassionate in a group of adolescent boys! Love sharing your blog with my boys. It adds a fifth "C" to the mix: Cool Chic!

I like Mr. Barbera's style–conservative but with a lot of individual touches, like the glasses, pocket square, and striped scarf. Very distinguished. I'm sure he's a head-turner even in fashion-savvy Milan.

Reminds me of my grandfather; gone these 35 years now. And his smell! he used a solid shaving soap from France, with a badger brush to lather up. I loved watching him shave and the subtle scent; clean, fresh, slightly citrus. And his smooth cheek as he bent down to kiss me.

Thanks for the memory; an unexpected virtue of a classic gentleman's look!

As a single father raising two girls, I would say that almost all of the non-fiction titles from American Girl are worth a look.

"A Smart Girl's Guide to Manners" is brilliant and their books on grooming were invaluable since my daughters were cursed with a father who (previously) couldn't braid hair, even if his and/or Rapunzel's life depended on it.

It's a niche that isn't really catered to by any other publisher [cough]market opportunity[/cough] and American Girl does it with both style and substance.

Mr. Barbera's look is fantastic! Not only does he look put-together, but he went the extra mile to make his entire look both refined and Ã la mode! I especially love his accessories: his gloves and shoes are such a perfect pair! The classic style of his hat and his modern glasses really emphasize his sense of style! Bravo, Mr. Barbera!

There is an Australian journalist Sam de Brito who has written a very contemporary & small book called No tattoos before you're thirty. Published by Penguin. A very modern take on manners and respect. Absolutely fantastic and resonates in society today and tomorrow for us and our children.

don't know about his manners from a photo but i do know that he is fabulously vain. perhaps better said that he takes pride in his appearance. it's not just that his ensemble is composed of classic pieces, it's that the cuts of those things reveal the mark of a good tailor. i'll say about his look what his charm conceals, very well done!

I had the American Girl Manners book with I was a little girl and I can't tell you how many questions that book answered for me. My mom is a stickler for manners and etiquette but that book helped me out a lot!

American Girl is a great company for little girls, very influential and very ethical.

This article just proves that you just get better with age. He obviously made wise choices with this classic look. What I love most about this look, is how subtle and easy it is to do. There aren't any crazy patterns, or flashy colors. Very simple and elegant. :)

Brooks Brothers has a series of nice books, such as "How to Raise a Gentleman", "How to Be a Gentlelman", "As a Gentleman Would Say", "A Gentleman at the Table", and "A Gentleman Abroad". There are others!

I really enjoy reading your blog, and looking at all the stylish ladies and gentleman that grace it.

I love that you're so involved in teaching your daughters manners. I was just thinking today how thankful I was I had my grandma and Emily Post around when I was little to show me the way. (and trust me, I was a little more than disappointed when I received "Modern Etiquette" for my birthday but I got over it)

Another fellow geezer who takes it to another level. What sophistication and savior faire!! Just because you're old does not mean you have lost your style too, actually style matures and reaches new heights!!

That is what I've been saying all along. Grace and class are what style is all about. I love my mother, but she has to be the most graceless (and, consequently, style-less) being I've ever met. I've spent my life actively working to not emulate that part of her. I'm 19, but I am now in the market for a book on manners and etiquette as well. I think knowing that you have the skills to handle almost any situation adds confidence into the mix as well. Grace and confidence are learned qualities, and my personal goals.

I must agree with "MN SL&E" Etiquette can be taught whereas manners are different. Good manners is rooted in a genuine love and ability to empathize with others. To have have a good manner is too empathize though the vehicle of etiquette.

I am a proponent of the Bible, and more so when it is applied appropriately. When it says that Love is kind and never ends, Men and Women like Mr. Barbara leave footprints in the hearts of others that will never end.

Sad, but true about people these days lacking manners. Although, I feel like this is more of something that you acquire from your growing-up environment than something that can be simply picked up from the nearest Borders. Manners, along with mannerisms, sort of come along with the whole "nurture" sort of thing and it's difficult to correct that. In fact, some people can be so manners-lacking that they don't even realize their lack of manners.

I found the Debrettâs books most like recipe books, useful and practical but lacking in poetry – because I donât believe grace can be learned by following recipes. However, Iâm grateful to them because they guided me to âThe Benevolence of Manners: recapturing the lost art of gracious victorian livingâ that, despite itâs appearance, is a reflective and pleasant lecture.

I admire you Scott for suggesting that grace and good manners actually manner. You're right about there not being a manners book for men. There are less and less manner role models out there. The pictures are beautiful. Too bad about your gloves. But think of it as a gift for someone else who may let them age gracefully!

There is for sure something to say about older men who are always pressed and dressed. I love him with his hat, coat and scarf, there is something that just all ties it together. He is very stylish, yet he is still keeping warm. Also, I love how the fingure tips of his gloves are worn because you can tell that he is a hard worker, and peoples hands tell stories! Hope to see more hand shots.

I could swear I've seen & read this entire post before… Have I? Or have I read one similar you've posted about manner? Or have I suddenly discovered a psychic talent or had a serious case of deja vu? ahh!!

Good manners will get you far in life. A friend of mine always has impecable manners, she always smiles to people in the street and uses peoples names when she is talking to them, even the cashier at Mc Donalds making them feel special and important. She never leaves a bad impression.

Although possibly a case of deja vu, but I could have sworn I've already seen this post before on the Sartorialist. The picture of the gloves, the mention of Garance and clothes aging gracefully, losing the gloves in the taxi, even the part about books and manners. I must be crazy!

Thank you for pointing out that, yes, women DO notice manners. A lot. I recently purchased "Debrett's Eitquette for girls". It's a book aimed not so much at girls, but young women. The parallel title for men is appropriately named "Debrett's Manners for Men (What Women Really Want)".These are fun books, with beautiful photographs. They would make a wonderful gift to the special young woman/man in your life.

Love what you wrote about Mr. Barbera. There is a lot of heart there and much respect. Sorry you lost your gloves… ok, economic stimulus – go buy a new "special" pair and with the idea of keeping them for longevity. Enjoy the day.

So true! You are NOT your clothes! They can be an expression of who you are. But you have to BE it first. I love old leather gloves. When my grandmother died, my grandfather wanted the female grandchildren to have something of hers. There are four of us. I am the oldest one and I am the only none biological grandchild. Still he wanted me to lead the procedure, and we made the most curious discovery! I was the only one to share her glovesize. I now have three of her beautifully worn leather gloves and one pair of white crocheted summer gloves. Every time I wear them I can feel her spirit and remember the smell of her three-course meals, the crisp white of her table cloths, hear her voice and reminisce all the handwritten letters and cards she always sent. There's love in those gloves and memories of her style and grace!

Mr. Barbera reminds of my grandfather, we lost him 18 years ago. He was always great in his 3piece suits and a scarf (not a tie). Or his colonialist suits, I don't know if you know it… Very 50's in Mozambique… And the manners, of course, a truly gentleman… God, I miss him…

I recently found a pair of gloves just like Mr. Barbera ones. They belonged to my grandfather who bought them at Brigatti in Milan possibly in the Sixties. Now I'm proud to wear them every nom and then

I was born in Italy and lived there for about 21 years.It's true the look can be great but if manners don't follow it's a waste!He reminds me about my highschool teachers: Mr Orlando in philosophy and Mr Antiga in maths, both very well dressed but just one "had the style", guess who?

This is a wonderful photo. His crisp and clear separation from the background, the shadows on his hat – the light glinting on his shoes. And what he chosen to show you of his character captured. Brava!

Yes, the John Bridges books are excellent. I have several. They were first published by a local publisher here in Nashville (where Mr. Bridges also lives), then picked up by Brooks Bros. I don't know Mr. Bridges, but when I crossed paths with him at the theatre, he seemed to epitomize the manners and grace of which you speak, Sart, a jovial and kind man who also happens to have enviable glasses. And those are some great shots of Mr. Barbera, to boot…

Oh so true! It's someones posture towards the other that sets the level of civilization, humanity, and style very definitely!Well although there are books that gives you a hint and protocols on social manners, I think, there are behaviors that don't come in books, they are based on personal sensibility, sense of respect, and balanced education! And of course a good notion of good taste, is always handy! cheers

I personally think that manners are not to be learned by books but by daily practice. One has or should grow up with manners, they cannot be learned like math or geography; I agree that they can to a certain point but manners reflect how we think about ourselves, the world, the people who surround us. ItÂ´s the same with clothing, if one grows up and notices on a daily bases that their parents select their dress carefully, that colors match, that different occaisons require a different dress and so on. I have to admit, that thats a very privileged view; what i wanted to say is that parents have the greatest influence on their children and they should use it wisely. Manners are the key to a good relationsship with the people who surround us! itÂ´s about credibility!

I have been a fan of your blog for a few years now and I appreciate your work. I love the book titled "How To Be A Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide To Common Courtesy" By John Bridges. It's an excellent, modern book about manners and etiquette that I believe every man should read. Hope this helps and thank you once again for your blog.

For the record, I was obsessed with the American Girls Manners book when I was a little girl! I always felt at ease and excited to be in "proper" situations because of it. It is an excellent tool for your girls, I think!

can anyone suggest where I can buy a pair of gloves that will eventually turn into such beautiful leather? What colour and specific type of leather type do you start with?
I’ve been eyeing this pictures every winter. This time I want to be ready and get a pair before I get frost bite