Just a glimpse of me...

Do you ever feel STUCK? In 2000, I began looking for answers to some tough questions in my life. I'd searched high & low and finally conceded to search the promises found in the Bible. Those promises have sustained & guided me through the loss of a parent, the struggle with anxiety & depression, the loss of a valued relationship and so much more! I've found joy amid the pain. And, I want to share it with you!

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06 February 2014

No Presence... Only Prayers

I'm feeling a bit lost today -- without words -- with no way to support some dear loved ones with my presence... only with my prayers. Today will be a day of relying on many promises which I believe to be true. Today will be a day of reflection, a day of tears, a day of trusting the One who makes this life worth it - worth living. When I'm feeling lost or numb, I take comfort in jotting down some of my thoughts.

Today a young man's body will be laid to rest. Left behind will be 2 younger sisters, hurting family members, and friends just beginning their college years & figuring out "what they want to be" as adults. Too many years ago those three children lost their mother. Two years ago those three children lost their grandmother - who'd served as a loving caretaker, provider & mentor. Left behind are family members & cherished friends who held him as a baby, nurtured him as he coped with the death of dear loved ones, watched him make his own choices & loved him into being a stronger young man. This young man's body will be laid to rest. His soul will take flight to heaven to be joyfully reunited with him mom, his grandmother & a multitude of witness who keep watch over us daily.

I'm not related to this young man or his family. But, I have fallen in love with all of them. The aunt of these three young people has become like a sister to me. She's walked many dark days with me. I've felt a part of her family over the years as we have walked life's journey together. I feel like they're MY family. I grieve for this loss. I grieve for those who are probably asking the same questions I am:

How could God let this be?

What will happen to the girls?

Why couldn't he grow to be a man?

Will we ever understand... why?

Grief... it's a powerful thing. It can leave you numb & silent. It can bring you to your knees in pain & screaming in anguish. It can cause you to isolate. It can drive you to seek affection or affirmation from anyone and anything. It can come like waves - rolling over you and preventing you from breath itself. It can make you question all that you know... all that you love... all that you desire. It's a process - a process that feels like it could suck the very life out of you. Just when you think you are over it, it once again swallows you up. Am I weak for being consumed with grief? Do I fail to give witness to my faith in God when I'm undone by grief?

I can't even describe how horribly I feel that I'm not there today with my dear friends. I don't quite know what to say as I pray for them. It's a time when I will rely on the Holy Spirit to petition the Father on their behalf.

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."Romans 8:26

I want to be strong today. But, I feel so weak and helpless. I'm discouraged that I'm unable to physically support them by being there to hug those two little sisters & my sister-friend. I'm sad that I can't look into the faces of this young man's peers -- offering them up to my Heavenly Father for healing and hope. I'm not there today. But, my God is! And, he's here with me.

"This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."Joshua 1:9

The pain I feel today is nothing compared to that of two young girls, an aunt & uncle, grandparents, and other family members. I hate the pain I feel. But, I am grateful for the deep, deep love that I have for those walking this rough road... today.Please join me today in praying for comfort, strength & peace - beyond human understanding or reason!

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:6-7

Thank you for your prayers! May you sense the hand of God upon your life today. May you live an abundant life -- showing others the way! "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

2 comments:

Cyndee, that is beautiful! I don't know Logan or his sisters but every time I think of this or read a post about it, I begin to cry... Just knowing the overwhelming grief and sadness those friends and relatives are experiencing at this time. I'm sure they know you would have been there if you could have. That's how real friends are. Love you!