Friday, April 24, 2009

I like baseball caps as much as the next guy. Sure I have my favorites. I like plain logos and basic colors that match anything you wear.

There isn't a hat in the world however that I would put on my head once it develops that nasty white sweaty salt line.

Why do people do this? Really. How much is a hat? $9-$10? $30 if you're stupid and buy it at the mall? Throw that thing away, its disgusting!

Most importantly, don't wear it to work!

I don't usually care what other people wear but that is roughly equivalent to coming to work with shit stains. Sure you're gray, sure you're balding, we'll all be there eventually. Now you're repulsive. Congrats!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I, with great honor and humility, accept this honorable...uh...honorAND IN TURN wish to pay it forward to a recent regular contributor to this here blog which has recently, for reasons I wish not to disclose, suffered a bit from lack of tending BUT I DIGRESS!

The envelope please...

I would like to give this award to Douglas of Boomer MusingsValash from Overcoming Schizophrenia. Although Ashley is not a regular participant to this blog I figure what she does for society is so far beyond any self promoting pyramid scheme this "Award" tradition really started as anyway. I don't remember exactly how I found her blog at first, most likely in the forums, but I have learned so much more about schizophrenia than I ever expected to. Though this little recognition will do little to help her current insurance troubles, I hope it will help her through some of her dark days that there are people out there that applaud her efforts and successes. Good Luck Ashley!

As always I will modify the rules as I see fit because I wouldn't have it any other way. ;)

Award Details and Rules

This award is a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.

This award was redesigned to award those who seek and redefine all the reasons why we love blogging.

Never forget to mention the person who gives you the award.

Respond to the receipt of this award by posting this description and writing a short explanation about why you love blogging.

Choose ONE person you feel deserves this award.

Don't forget to notify the award receivers and put their links in your post so others can see how wonderful they are too.

Before I let you go, my short little statement about why I love blogging is simple.

Before I started blogging and after years of unanimous dislike for pretty much anything I had to write, I felt that any skill I thought I had was a waste of time and space. Now I don't feel the same. Or at least I have been lucky enough to find people who are nice enough to pretend otherwise. ;)

Reason #1 why the Earth is in the state it is in. More specifically, human stupidity. While I could go on for days simply listing the reasons, today I will specifically focus on one topic.

Electricity.

Click here to read more.

A LOT of business and revenue is generated by wasting electricity. Do you think the electric companies of the world are concerned with how much electricity you waste? Or do you think they would react and be more alarmed about the situation where you waste only a little? If they make a lot of money then so do the governments that helped foot the bill for the development of the infrastructure that they use to deliver that power to you.

That isn't really a solution but an explanation for their lack of motivation to give you a true functional solution. Those who really have the power and pull to make some changes lack that motivation for innovation.

Watch those bullshit informative commercials for saving electricity in your home. They always start with them saying, "What can YOU do." Great way to pass the buck you bastards. The most recent one shows to teens talking about their cell phone chargers. Seriously? Look out the window. Do you see that street lamp blazing all night long with no one around to bask in its glow? Do you see the 24 hour businesses with no one but a lonely teenage employee playing solitaire on the computer or an uneducated security guard watching re-runs of Jerry Springer on television?

Lets focus on that shall we, instead of the cell phone chargers some of which use only 0.005 kWh. Your typical street lamp uses 18 to 400 watts depending on the brightness. Considering that it is those very same street lights that you can actually see from space, then one could safely assume there is a lot of energy being wasted there. I'm sure there are a lot more of them then there are plugged in cell phone chargers in the world.

So how do you solve this problem? Well, one solution could use technology that has been around for decades. Motion detectors. Why have a street light on all night long when there isn't even a car in sight?

Motion detectors aren't perfect you say? Agreed, but the more time and money is invested to mass produce them I bet their efficiency and reliability would increase dramatically.

Still not convinced? Well there are other technologies that could be used. RFID for one. Everyone has a Driver's License or some sort of picture ID. If they start handing them out with RFID technology integrated these lights would come on automatically when a person would approach. Someone loses their keys or wallet where the RFID is implanted, the redundant motion detector fail safe would be there to back it up. A lot of street lamps currently have light detectors to turn them on or off when the sun rises so additional technology added to those devices isn't new.

Expensive? At first perhaps but functional and after time their development costs would greatly decrease as it does for all technology. Besides, I believe the cost of the electricity we would save would greatly outweigh the price of the technology.

So the ball is back in your court big corporations. What can YOU do to save electricity? I am currently sitting in one office building in a group of 10 with 80% of the employees off for the day and ever single light is on, every computer is on and the air conditioning is running full blast even though the temperature outside is fantastic.

If Michael Jackson could have lights turn on for him wherever he walked, why can't we?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

When I dress for work I wear these big stomper type shoes which I consider necessary. I don't like those business shoes that look flat and European.

Yes, that makes them heavier but they are cheaper, more cushioned and I prefer the way they look. Since they are heavier, when I walk they make me stomp which is why I call them "stompers."

Walking around cubicles people can hear me coming and sometimes poke their heads out, halting my progress in order to resolve their usually petty issue.Since I was a child I practiced stepping quietly. (It's quite the workout actually you should try it.) Not tip toeing but carefully placing your heals and progressing with the smooth even stride that greatly reduces both wind resistance and pant friction.

This skill,if you can call it that, has saved me quite a bit of time. I have returned of course to resolve or assist them with their problems but only after they request assistance through the right channels. Organization equals efficiency.Walking in Silent Mode has saved me from repeated time consuming explanations about why people need to request assistance the official way. It saves us all a lot of time in the long run if they only spend a few more seconds.

Monday, April 13, 2009

So I read that and thought, "Wow, what a challenge!" My name is difficult enough but to be tagged your entire life with failure as a qualifier must suck tremendous giraffe dangler. Then I thought about it some more and decided, cockily, that this man does not accept his name for what it is.

In no way could he possibly face up to this challenge laid before him.

I figured I would test my assumption and, yep! When I called his voice mail he said his name was "Fi-El" Come on! What are you from Krypton? I mean "feel" may pass but "Fi-El?!?"

We are all victims of our parents and heritage, you can't run away from it. You have to confront your Dark Side young Jedi and admit that you are one in the same. Stop shoveling that Pi-El of crap facade of a name and accept your feilure, move on.

In his cowering path of ignorance he has, ultimately failed miserably.

I now anxiously await the opportunity to direct his attention to the "Ci-Eling" for something completely random and insignificant, like this blog post.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I am not an unprofessional. When I'm at work, I am a stickler for regulation. It is actually one of the unspoken requirements of my position. No one can work that way 100% of the time but I do much more so than any one of my peers. Except in one aspect.

Professional attire.

I don't own a suit. It would be just fine with me if I never have to buy one. I don't think they look nice. I'm not a presidential candidate nor will I ever intend to be associated with anyone in politics.

I work with computers. Simply because I assist high ranking executives shouldn't force me to feel guilt for not wearing a clone suit like they do. I don't ride home in a black luxury car. I don't earn 6 - 8 figures. It is rare but on some occasions I do have to get into some really dirty places to do my job.

The problem is I don't know when these situations arise and I don't know when the executive helicopter will land.

Perhaps my lack of willingness to wear a leashed monkey suit has been detrimental to my career. I don't like to think that it may have kept me from obtaining a much higher income but I must acknowledge the possibility regardless of how unfair that may be.

If I reach a certain level of income I wouldn't mind wearing comfortable slacks but never a suit.

One of the major reasons why I don't like them is not because they are terribly uncomfortable and motion restrictive but because I don't think I look right in one. I feel like I look like one of those guys talking to the judge requesting a furlough wearing a rented suit.

It just doesn't look right. Let me wear my jeans, a t-shirt and some comfortable tennis shoes and I will do a noticeably better job. Not out of gratitude but as a direct result to my increased mobility and comfort.

Why doesn't Main St. understand this? How many of us actually deal with outside "customers" in business anymore?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Updated: Instead of posting a new blog each day for these little blurbs I will just add to them and update the time. Easier to find and go back to for future laughs.

4-10-09

Raptor-Bandit T-Shirt. I really can't say much about this. Just LOOK at it... XD

There are a bunch more on the site. I am in no way affiliated with them I just thought this design was pretty funny.

4-7-09

I found this Afro Monkey today. Or is it a Jheri curl monkey? Either way I thought it was hilarious. Doesn't he kind of look like Mickey Mouse?

He is a heat sensitive loufa that changes color with the water temperature! $2.63 from DealExtreme.

4-3-09

Browsing the net during my 15 minute lunch today I found this stuff and it brought a smile to an otherwise stressful day.

For Star Wars fans...

THE TAUNTAUN Sleeping Bag! - This product is wrong on so many levels and that's exactly why I like it. It was originally intended as an April Fool's joke on ThinkGeek but do to overwhelming response they are trying to mass produce it.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

So I'm sitting hear watching the clock. Trying to make up time for time lost in traffic today and I'm researching radar detectors to warn you of potential speed traps on Amazon.com.

On the right side I see some convenience buttons. They read as follows;

Add to Wish List

OK, that sounds perfectly reasonable. You have a birthday coming up and your wife asks you to make a list. That makes perfect sense.

Add to Shopping List

That works too. You are comparing products or pricing and you know you want to ship them all together, OK. That works.

Add to Wedding Registry

Well, that's a stretch but it would make a funny gift for the guy who's in a rush to "get away." Or it could just be a gift idea from a wife that doesn't want to change her man's bad habits and instead helps in any way she can. That kind of works.

Add to Baby Registry

...

Umm...

The idea seemed really funny to me. Then I thought, "I want to create the most inappropriate Amazon Baby Registry EVARRRR!"

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think child abuse is funny at all but the idea that there COULD exist such a Baby Registry seems really wrong and yet somehow funny to me. I needed stress relief today and this helped a little. Hopefully it will bring a guilty smirk to your faces as well.