These were forwarded to our home by a nurse. Hope you have a good chuckle out of them. Everyone needs a good laugh now and again..good medicine!

Medical Examinations

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have herbaby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted thelady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticedthat there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,San Antonio , TX .

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on anelderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall."Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied thepatient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wifethat her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more thanfive minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that hehad died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with hiscardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having troublewith one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch.The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and nowI'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress anddiscovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch beforeapplying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusionsheanswered..."Why, not for about twenty years -when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So h ow's your breakfastthis morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can'tseem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then askedto see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KYJelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young womanwith purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety oftattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quicklydetermined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staffnoticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on thepatient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!!!................

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quiteembarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To covermy embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenlyburst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from mywork and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".