Public Service Announcements

I thought it might be a good idea to inform you, my adoring public, that I have been undergoing some health issues lately, which have kept me away from the blog.

I have been experiencing problems with my back, which (according to Dr. Todd) may or may not be indicative of a more serious problem which may or may not require surgical intervention, and/or may or may not result in the loss of use in my haunch region. Honestly, Dr. Todd is just FONT of helpful and specific information.

Basically, what happened was this: I tried to alert Mama Dog that I was ready to go out for my morning constitution before breakfast. As I was gesticulating (because she is quite deaf to my cries of hunger in the morning, it seems) I wrenched a tender spot in my back, causing pain and temporary spasm in the muscular tissue of my lower half. She completely freaked out, called the vet and took away all things good and fun in my life.

I was immediately put to bed and given medicinal cheese. That part isn’t so terrible. She rubbed some smelly essential oils on my feet and my back. I would never tell her this, but the oils and the massage helped with the pain … but the smell was still very weird. Bachmann mentioned the odor repeatedly. Every time I had to go outside to conduct *business* – she or Daddy Dog carried me. And watched me. Rude. And this turned out not to be some ‘one day only’ type of thing …

It’s been a few weeks and I’m still not allowed to do anything I like to do. No jumping on the furniture — even when the sun is beaming in on the couch and I’m in desperate need of recharging. No going out on the back porch … unless someone carries me. No working with my Companions unless being closely supervised (ie. watched like a hawk)by Mama Dog, Daddy Dog, or one of the Children. It’s so limiting.

I continue to get the medicinal cheese, which is good, though very small in dosage. And they continue to apply the stinky oils to my feet daily, which Bachmann continues to complain about. And apparently, I’m not a *cooperative* little dog, because now, they have started blocking my access to furniture completely with what they refer to as “baby rails.” Honestly, I jumped onto my favorite perch the other morning and you would have thought I sprouted horns and a forked tail … Mama and Daddy Dog raced into the family room and removed me from my spot, scolded me and next thing I know – BAM! – blockades on all the furniture.

They never leave me alone now, either. I mean, I am supervised all the time. If someone has to leave the house, they make sure someone is left at home to monitor my activity. (Which is part of the reason I’ve been offline so long … how am I supposed to get any quality work done with people watching me all the time?!) If Mama and Daddy Dog both have to go out, they leave Big Kid home. He’s not so bad, I guess … I can usually get him to lift me onto the couch where he sits watching television or playing one of his ‘games’. Still, I miss my privacy a great deal.

I’ve been told I am a good dog. I’ve been told I’m so sweet and precious and that everyone loves me. But I’ll be honest … it feels very much like they want Georgie to suffer from boredom and lack of activity. I smell Dr. Todd’s quackery all over this. Especially since this whole *treatment* thing has also started to involve fewer treats, reduced food portions and an overall *weight loss protocol* that is supposed to reduce the stress on my spine. Uh huh … Dr. Todd and his hatred of the Irish-Viking Dachshund continues …

Now … Mama Dog claims this is a temporary situation. She says I am going to be traveling to the university veterinary college where I will undergo an evaluation by a neurologist, and possibly a CT scan and second examination by an orthopedic surgeon. She says this will lead to me being able to resume my normal activities. She says a lot of stuff while she’s barricading me from my favorite places to climb and blocking me from the back porch steps and carting me in and out of the house to go pee, which is just humiliating. Most of what she says is “for my own good,” and I’m getting pretty tired of hearing that crap. All this ‘for my own good’ business is leaving me … disgruntled.

So. There you have it. The sad tale of my existence these days. Confined to ground level, monitored every minute and prohibited from fun and excitement. The only thing I have going for me these days is that I get to ‘sleep out’ at night and am no longer confined in my crate. But the couch is still off limits and they always leave the remotes for the TV up there so I can’t even watch my favorite programs after everyone else has gone to bed. Plus, Mama Dog always puts this stinky stuff in her essential oil diffuser at night that she says will help me relax and rest during the night. All I’ve been doing lately is rest and relax! But it does serve as a nightlight and I can see to supervise some of my Companions if I’m quiet and remember to put everyone and everything back exactly as it was before Mama Dog gets up in the morning. And if I remember to act really tired and weak when she comes into the family room. That sure makes her agreeable, when she thinks I’m all stiff and sore from my ‘condition’. Ha ha ha. Georgie still has a few tricks up her sleeve!

I will try to keep you posted, gentle readers, on my progress with physical therapy, medication and the like. I believe Mama Dog has been keeping her readers updated on my condition on her social media account, but I wouldn’t know, as, again, I am locked out of most of my technology because it requires more physicality that I’m allowed at this time. But I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and good wishes. And, as always, I thank you for your support.

I’m not one to belabor a point. Really, I try to say what needs to be said and move on. I simply do not have the time to spend on rehashing, revisiting, reiterating or otherwise continuing to yammer on about a subject once it has been discussed.

However … It has recently come to my attention that a particular subject, which is very dear to me, is in desperate need of revisiting.

I have mentioned before, the importance of having access to a constant heat source. I discussed in detail here the need for public awareness on Nook Neutrality. And I warned, gentle readers, most vehemently of the dangers of living without a cold weather plan here. Yet every day, I receive countless emails, letters and text messages from cold, miserable pets who are living without even the most basic of cold weather essentials. And it concerns me. Greatly.

Friends, if you do not currently have access to a Nook, a hot blanket, a generously sized sunbeam, an oven in the ‘bake’ setting, or a chuffy Daddy Dog beside whom you can nestle and absorb heat — you are in trouble. You must prepare NOW. Winter is coming. I daresay it’s arrival is imminent. You are running out of time to procure the items which will make possible your survival in the frigid, bitter temperatures of the coming season.

In my own home, I am still lacking access to the Nook I am certain is in the basement. But on cool mornings, Mama Dog often turns on the oven in the kitchen to bake or roast something and I am content to lie pressed up to it’s base, soaking up precious warmth and delicious aromas. In the evenings, Daddy Dog frequently places me next to him on the sofa, allowing his overwhelming body heat (from the extra winter pounds he carries year-round) to pass directly to my flank, haunch and bank – my primary heat absorbers. Many days, the children will open the curtains in the family room just enough to allow a Dachshund sized sunbeam to land across the floor so I can replenish my energy stores. Or they will cover me, as I lie in repose on the back of the little couch, with a blanket, towel or Mama Dog’s sweater (which she thoughtfully leaves on the arm of the furniture upon her nighttime retirement). So you see, while I am without Nookability, I am not left to wither and die from the cold.

Ask yourselves, dear friends – how is your human family accommodating you? Do they go out of their way to assure your warmth and comfort? Or do they simply swath you in a tacky holiday-themed sweater or coat and send you into the frigid abyss to be mocked for a fashion disaster over which you have no control? If the answer is the latter – well, you have a serious problem and it needs to addressed immediately. Or sooner.

Do whatever is necessary to make your comfort a priority in your house. Petition your humans. Call your Senators and Representatives. Make your voice heard and heard loudly. DEMAND a Nook. Withhold your household services if you must. Make your needs KNOWN. Your continued comfort and existence depends on your willingness to stand up for your well-being and your ability to convey this very important message to your family: I am COLD and I will not TOLERATE these conditions any longer!

I will be sharing, over the next weeks and months, many tips and helpful plans of action you can use to turn your home into a haven of warmth and comfort throughout the cold weather season. Some may seem drastic, but my reader feedback has shown there are many, many, many of you who are totally unprepared, completely unready and most likely destined to perish without intervention of some sort. I would prefer that not happen.

For the time being, make sure you are seeking warmth wherever and whenever possible – even if it involves rolling yourself up in piles of dirty laundry waiting to be washed. Some of my warmest naps have taken place in Daddy Dog’s discarded shirts. Do your best to express your needs to your humans and take heart for I am here to guide and advise you to a winter season of absolute plushiousness. Thank you for your support.

It is raining and cool in my portion of the world again today. This time of year generally brings warm sunbeams in which I can bask, but this year, I’m experiencing a decided lack of bask-worthy options. Because of this unseasonably cool, wet weather, I am in great need of a Nook. In this old photo, I am warming myself in front of a lovely Nook.

This picture was taken a few years ago … when my Daddy and Mama Dog cared about me. About the time new furniture started appearing in my family room, my precious Nook disappeared. I heard Daddy Dog tell Mama Dog that the “heating element” had “gone out” on my Nook and was a “fire hazard.” Pffft. What nonsense! What followed were two or three years of frigid winters – without a Nook. I say two or three because I can’t tell exactly. When you’re so terribly cold, it’s hard to keep track of linear time. Anyway, I was without a Nook and it was dreadful.

Then, one day, after one of their extended shopping trips in the “City,” I saw Daddy Dog carry a box boasting a picture of a Nook into the house, then disappear into the basement. It never materialized in the family room.

Now. I’ve been to the basement. The Big Kid carried me down one chilly afternoon to snuggle in his chair and watch television. (I believe it was a dachshund-mentary on the American Revolutionary War, on which subject I have a tremendous amount of knowledge.) I realized the basement was not, in fact, a repository for cats (despite noises emanating from there which would indicate otherwise). It was actually pretty plush: The Big Kid and Little Blonde Girl have bedrooms down there and they have clearly nested. There are comfy chairs with pillows and blankets, twinkle lights (which really make me look fabulous), and … an enormous Nook! Big Kid was quick to point out that this wasn’t an actual Nook, but a furnace that heated the entire house. But it certainly looked like a Nook. Anyway, I determined the basement was a safe zone for a small dachshund and have returned many times to explore on my own.

On one such exploration, I discovered the mysterious vanishing Nook … in its box, hidden away in a dark corner of the storage room. Why on Earth was it not upstairs where I could have access to its comforting, healing warmth?? I immediately questioned the Mama Dog, but her response was most unsatisfactory. She gave me some gobbledy-gook about there not being space in the family room for a Nook, and that maybe when the house was remodeled the Nook would be installed. Pffftt. She tried to appease me by making a new soft blanket for the Family Bed. But I’m not that easy. Then she tried to further explain that she had only purchased a new Nook because it was on sale and she got such a great deal on it that she couldn’t possibly pass it by. She was saving it for later, she said. PFFFTT! She hates me and wants me to die.

So here I am today, during one of the coldest spring seasons in history … freezing, shivering, suffering because “there’s not space for the Nook at this time.” Ridiculous. Hateful. Mean. I have tried in vain, with plaintive, baleful looks and general snubbery, to express my extreme displeasure over this untenable Nook situation. But Mama Dog is standing firm – no Nook until the house is remodeled. Pfft.

In conclusion, let me warn each and every one of you that if there’s a Nook in your home, appreciate it. Lie in front of it as often as possible, even though the threat of over plush-ing looms near. Do not, even for a moment, take it for granted for a Nook is a precious thing and fleeting in its warmth. If you do not have access to a Nook, seek out a hot blanket, a powerful sunbeam or even one of those furnace-thingies. I do not know how much longer I will be able to survive to tell my tale of woe in this Dachshund Spring. But until I am silenced forever by the cold, I will continue to promote Nook Neutrality. Stay warm and thank you for your support.

A severe cold front has moved into our area. Please be advised that below-freezing temperatures and potentially, freezing rain, will likely hover over the region for the next several days. I have cancelled all Companion field trips and The Family Bed Education, Rehabilitation and Training Center will be closed until spring. The Companions and I would like to remind everyone to please bring your pets indoors while it is so cold. Prepare them hot, protein-heavy meals to boost their internal heating capabilities. Some foods that are known to promote interior pet warmth are meat, broth, warm milk, melted cheese, eggs, coconut oil, bacon, gravy, and hazelnut coffee with heavy cream. Other measures can be taken to keep your pet warm, as well. For instance … you know that hot blanket you put on your own bed to keep warm while you sleep? Well, did it ever occur to you that your dachshund might like to get on in there and warm her haunches, too? Probably not because you’re too selfish and uncaring to ever consider that your poor little Diggy Dog is freezing. She’s not shivering because she’s excited to see you, dummy – she’s shaking to try and generate some warmth so she won’t die! Also, instead of putting your pet outside to do her business, perhaps you should consider getting her some of those really cool puppy pads so she can go inside. After all, you don’t go outside when you have to pee or poop. Well, sometimes you do if there’s already someone in the bathroom and you have to go really bad, but it’s a choice for you, isn’t it? That’s right. Your pet should have a choice, too. Put those pads in the bathroom and let her go when you go … in comfort. I mean, she’s already there in her capacity as Bathroom Supervisor, might as well make it a more efficient use of everyone’s time. Take a minute or two to talk with your pet about how this idea could work for you. Additionally, stop telling your pet how cold it is outside. Trust me, she knows. She knows because you keep shoving her haunchy ass out there and leaving her, even though there’s no way you could not hear her desperate cries from your comfy chair … right by the window. And another thing – maybe you could scoot your butt over and let your poor, cold, weak, helpless dachshund sit beside you in that comfy chair. Under a snuggly blanket. And give her some of that good-smelling hot tea you’re always drinking. Accommodate me! I mean – accommodate your pet! Sharing is important. So. Bring in your pets and keep them warm. And thank you for your support.