Mr. Thomassoulo: George, this is the last time I ever want to speak to you. That lady your friends dropped the oil ball on files a lawsuit against Play Now and put us out of business. If it was up to me youd be in prison but we have been forced to pay our employees the remainder of their salary. This is it George, pick up your check at Human Resources tomorrow and may I never see you again

Scene 2:

(Jerry's apartment)

Jerry:.....so they're going to pay you the rest of your contract?

George: Yeah

Jerry: Why?

George: Because I used to work there....and they think I'm still handicapped

Jerry: But you indirectly put this place out of business

George: That's not how they see it

Jerry: I dont see how you can take that money

George: Jerry, they think I'm handicapped. I have to take the money they think I deserve

Jerry: Oh, I cant wait to see how this turns out

(Kramer enters)

Kramer: Hey Buddy

Jerry: Hey

George: Hey Kramer, you know that little stunt you and Darrin pulled with that oil ball at Play Now?

Kramer: Yeah

George: Well, that brilliant scheme just put a very nice little sum of money in my pocket

Kramer: Well, I think I'm entitled to my share

George: What?

Kramer: Well, if it wasn't for me you wouldnt be in this situation

George: You cant be serious, you didnt even work there

Jerry: Oh come on take this court room scene outside

George: He's the one who almost crippled this woman, got his friend put in a prison and put the place I worked at out of business and he thinks he deserves compensation?

Jerry: He does have a good case

George: Kramer, the answer is no, no, no.....Absolutely not

Kramer: Well, I'm gonna have to see what I can do to change your mind and oh yeah Jerry, you should know I've been visiting Claire everyday in the hospital I feel terrible. She's a mess, she said you were obsessed with doing that stupid voice.

Jerry: Youve been visiting her in the hospital? First you cripple her then you want to be friends with herI cant even begin to describe how messed up that is. Well I'm going to that hospital to set her straight.

Kramer: Uh Jerry I would advise against that

Jerry: Why because she might find out what kind of creature you really are

Kramer: PLEASE JERRY PLEASE DONT!!!!!

End of Scene

(Puddy's apartment, under the covers)

Elaine: Oh David!!!

Puddy: Yeah that's right

(The two start talking)

Elaine: You see Jerry can't understand that we can have a relationship that is strictly sexual

Puddy: What's wrong with that?

Elaine: Notrhing. Nothing......(starts to doubt her herself) Nothing

Puddy: It's not like we have to talk

Elaine: What is that supposed to mean?

Puddy: What, nothing

Elaine: Is that all I am to you? Just a cheap date and an easy score. Well I'll tell you this, I am not. I am not and I will not let you think I'm just some easy bimbo. I have a reputation to keep (Elaine leaves)

End of scene:

George arrives at HR

(George goes up to desk)

Clerk: Can I help you?

George: Yes, I'm here to collect my payroll check

Clerk: What was your last name?

George: Costanza

Clerk: Clark, Cole, Conn, Cooper.......No, no Costanza

George: What do you mean? (starts flipping through checks) It's got to be here somewhere

Clerk: Well, Im sorry, there is no record of a George Costanza here

George: OH HUH!!! YOURE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS!!!!!

(Kramer enters HR DPT.)

Kramer: Hey, George did you get it?

George: What the hell are you doing here?

Kramer: I'm here to collect my share of the money

George: There is no share, I told you youre not getting anything

Kramer: Well, that's not a way to treat a friend. I did you a big favor

George: You made my employer go bankrupt and then expect a reward?

Clerk: Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step aside

George: No, I want to speak to the head of Human Resources

Clerk: He's not here

Geoege: George is getting upset!!!

End of scene:

Jerry arrives at the hospital and enters Claire's room

Jerry: HELLO!!!!

Claire (who has a neckbrace): Jerry enough with that stupid voice

Jerry: This isn't about the voice. This is about you fraternizing with a Mr. Cosmo Kramer.

Claire: Kramer happens to be very helpful in a time like this

Jerry: You do know that he's partly responsible for you being in here

Claire: That ball of oil never would have hit me if you werent doing that voice

Jerry: Enough with the voice, I wasn't doing the voice, quit talking about the voice!!!

Claire: Well, he's been very good company to me since I've been in here

Jerry: Let me tell you something about Kramer, he's not normal. He doesn't do things like regular humans. I've lived next door to him for years and I still can't figure him out and I'm not sure why he's doing this but I'm sure he has an alterior motive

Claire: Well he's gonna keep visiting me and there's nothing you can do about it

End of scene

Elaine at Jerry's apartment

Elaine:.....so she's been seeing Kramer

Jerry: Yeah

Elaine: Well does she know that Kramer is responsible for her being in the hospital

Jerry: Yeah but that doesn't seem to bother her

Elaine: Doesn't it bother you that Kramer is seeing your ex-girlfriend?

Jerry: You have no idea. It's like theyre in another dimension. She has no idea what she's getting herself into

Elaine: It's a whole different world once you cross that hallway and she's just entered into it

(George buzzes)

Jerry: Who is it?

George: George!

Jerry: Come on up

Jerry: So, how's it going with Puddy?

Elaine: Well......

Jerry: Well what?

Elaine: He thinks all I'm good for is sex

Jerry: Well?

Elaine: Jerry? That's not true. I'm not a one dimensional play thing

Jerry: What else can you do in a relationship?

Elaine:.....You know, dinner and a movie....and

Jerry: Exactly

Elaine: Oh Shut up

Jerry: Come on Elaine, think of him as a free agent, you know what you were getting when you signed him.

Elaine: I'm determined to make this relationship about more than sex

Jerry: Well considering I've never seen him outside of the body shop or a hockey game I'm willing to bet that you won't

(George enters)

George: Well, I'm sure Play Now is having a big laugh about this one

Jerry: What, you didn't get the check?

George: No, that said they couldn't find it

Jerry: Maybe, they just found out that your're not really handicapped

Elaine: What would give them that idea

Jerry: So what are you going to do?

George: I'm gonna do what I have to do

Jerry: What's that?

George: I dont know yet, I havent had time to think about. I bet it was stolen

Jerry: Stolen?

George: Yes stolen, you know there are a lot of sick people out there

Jerry: Like ones who pose as handicaps

George: I'm serious Jerry, now who would want to steal my check? Who is someone that wanted revenge on me? Who wanted to see me hurt

Jerry: I'm sure I could think of a couple people

George: Well I'm not going to call back HR right now and see if they've heard anything (George dials)

Jerry: (to Elaine) did you try asking him what else he likes to do?

Elaine: No.....but Jerry I've looked down that road and its nothing but an empty pasture

George: Hello, this is George Costanza I was there today to get my check but it wasn't there.....I was just wondering if it was misplaced......Stolen?? Stolen? Well who stole it? You dont know, What do you mean you dont know? How could you not know? Uh huh.....uh huh.....okay.....fine (hangs up)

Jerry: Well?

George: They said it was stolen, signed and cashed last week but nobody seems to know who it was

Jerry: Well Sherlock it looks like youve got a case to solve

Kramer enters

Kramer: Hey

Jerry: Hey

Kramer: So, did you get the check?

George: No and why are you so interested?

Kramer: Because George part of that check is mine

George: Uh ho!! Kramer I already told you I'm not giving you anything

Kramer: How about this, If I help you recover that check you give me 25%

George: How can you be so sure you'll get it back

Kramer: That's what I do

George: What you do?

Kramer: Remember when I got that statue back for you? Believe me George I have my ways

George: Fine it's a deal

Kramer: Just meet me at HR tomorrow at noon

End of scene:

Elaine's apartment

Elaine: Come on David, this relationship has to be something about more than sex

Jerry: Well, I could have told you that------maybe youre just trying too hard

Elaine: That's the problem-------I've tried dumbing it down and I still can't think of anything all he wants to do is have sex

Jerry: And this is a problem? This seems like something you always wanted in a man------You can't resist each other but your not attracted to each other in any other way

Elaine: I cant keep this up word is going to get around

Jerry: I'm pretty sure people already know

Elaine: I'm not giving up on this

George and Kramer at HR

George (waiting for Kramer): Where is he?

Kramer: (arrives) Hey George

George: Where have you been? What is this big plan?

Kramer: Lemme talk to this guy

George: Go ahead (George hides off in the distance)

Kramer: (talking to the man behind the desk): Yes I'm Detective Von Nostrand, Ive heard about numerous acts of foul play occuring at this very establishment, now just give me some answers and we'll have no problems

Mr. Fillgrove: Yes, what's the question?

Kramer: You can start off by telling me your name pretty boy?

Mr. Fillgrove: I'm Mr. Fillgrove

Kramer: Okay Mr. Fillgrove, I have proof that someone has stolen a check from an employee at Play Now and I know that you know who it is

Fillgrove: Actually I dont

Kramer: Oh you dont

Fillgrove: No

Kramer: Oh that's weird (Kramer pulls out a dollar bill and tries to bribe him).....I'm hip to your game..(Kramer rolls his eyes towards the dollar to try to get the clerk to notice it).......My friend Bill would like to know who took it

Fillgrove: Okay first of all you dont even look like a detective and second of all if youre going to bribe me at least start out at $5, SECURITY, SECURITY!!!!!!! (George and Kramer run away from security)

Monks

Jerry: So it wasnt there?

George: I'm not done with this------You can't keep me down

Jerry: Yeah-------an honest, good working man like yourself deserves money he didnt work for while posing as a handicap

George: That's not the point

Kramer: George, I got your back-------I was on the verge of finding out who took it but man that guy wouldnt budge, he was like a rock!!!

George: I thought you said you knew what you were doing

Kramer: I did, but he was really good

George: Well I guess I'm onto phase 2 of this search

Jerry: What does that consist of?

George: No idea

Jerry: Well I got to go back to the hospital

Kramer: What are you going there for? Claire's been released

Jerry: Im going to her house and try again to talk some sense into her

Kramer: Jerry, she told me that you were trying to keep us apart

Jerry: That's not it, I just can't have one of my old girlfriends thinking youre more normal than me

George: Who cares Jerry, you break up with a different girl every week and never speak to them again

Jerry: But none of them have ever dated Kramer

Kramer: She just happens to have seen real Cosmo Kramer, that's a place even you guys havent been

Jerry: That's a place I never want to see

Kramer: Well If youre going over there then I am too, I'm not just going to stand there when you try to ruin my world around me

Elaine's Apartment

sitting on the couch staring at each other

Elaine: That's it David, I'm on a sex ban until you do something creative, something interesting, something........

David: You ready?

Elaine:.........ah what the hell?

they enter the bedroom

Claire's place

Jerry and Kramer outside Claire's house

Jerry: This is it Kramer, you have to end this

Kramer: But I love her Jerry

Jerry: Oh knock it off, the only reason youre taking care of her is so that she doesn't sue your pants off

Kramer: What kind of person do you think I am Jerry?

Jerry: I know what kind of person you are, now get out your key and open up

They enter to an empty house on the way out they spot the stolen check stub on Claire's dresser

Monk's

George: .....so it was Claire the entire time?

Jerry: Yeah, she left a note saying (Jerry reads note) "If you found this letter you can tell I've left New York. Ive used George's check to pay off all my medical bills since it was his fault i hurt myself in the beginning. I was using Kramer as a decoy so he'd never suspect a thing plus it was his fault too. Finally Jerry I did this to you because I knew deep down you never wanted to give up that voice, Well I'm the one whos laughing now, I hope you guys all get what you deserve, and oh yeah HELLLLLLLLLO"

George: So it was her the entire time?

Kramer: That's weird

George: How could you not have known?

Kramer: It never came up

George: Of course it never came up, she was using you to get to my money

Kramer: Youre right, she used me, she used me Jerry, she used me like a piece of cheap meat. I feel so violated

Elaine enters: Hey

Jerry: So what happened with Puddy?

Elaine: He broke up with me, he said he had a new job as a car salesman.

Jerry: That must be step up

Elaine: He said I was holding him back

Jerry: With the no sex thing?

Elaine: Yeah he said I was to strict on him and that he felt like a prisoner

Jerry: But you gave in every time

Elaine: Yeah I know thats why this is so hard

(they finish dinner and Jerry asks for the check)

Jerry: Check please

Elaine: (not knowing what just transpired) Speaking of checks, George did you ever find out what happened to yours?