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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

September 24, 2014: The letters have poured in—many of them postage due; others
addressed to Current Resident—but the message has been clear: Blah-ugh! Readers
(and see, I’m capitalizing you all
now, out of respect and fear) have been wondering about my failure to file new and
exciting entries for the past few days (and I believe there’s been about 215 of
them ... days, I mean ...) …

Well, it hasn’t been for lack of trying, but I’ve found
myself easily distracted by REAL work, familial conflicts & commitments and this new lava
lamp I bought which I just can't seem to take my eyes off. In fact, I’ve started quite a few entries, but they’ve
consistently failed to materialize because of a new spiritual practice I’m
exploring called laziness. (It’s incredibly fulfilling, and I will write about it when I get round,
perhaps in the latter 21st century.)

But as the groundswell has seemed to swell, and I had an hour
to kill, I felt it might do this dilapidated forum service to actually keep it
alive with a feeble injection of humor, wisdom, words and whining.

Just this week I made a brilliant purchase of an eight-movie
Hammer Films Horror Pack on DVD. DVDs, as you know, are those little shiny
round discs that people take out of the library to use as bases when they play
pick-up softball games. What you probably didn’t know was that they can also be used
to play magical classic films, such as Night
Creatures and The Evil of
Frankenstein.

My ever-growing allegiance to Hammer Films has been soundly
augmented by this new collection, which I proudly put alongside my various
Christopher Lee Dracula movies, the
underrated Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter,
and of course the terribly sexy Vampire
Lovers, which offers some of the most sensitive and titillating vampiric
lesbianism one is likely to find in British cinema.

I’m yet to explore each selection in this lovely collection,
but I can assure you it’s already proving to be a veritable cornucopia of
English joy. I decided to watch The
Phantom of the Opera first, as it had perhaps the lowest attraction for me
compared to some others in the collection. (The Curse of
the Werewolf, featuring Oliver Reed, is the one that I’ve long hoped to
find, for I don’t remember ever seeing it, and so I’m saving that for last.)
Much to my sincere surprise, however, I found this 1962 version of 'Phantom,' featuring the
great Herbert Lom—whom most of you know as Inspector Clouseau’s twitching
foil—an absolute delight. One of their delicious Technicolor Victorian-era
pieces, it’s got all the elements—likable hero, sweet heroine and a most
heinous bad guy played by the great Michael Gough, who you’ll also remember
from Horror of Dracula.

My second foyer (and I hope I'm spelling that right) into this collection—Paranoiac—was equally as thrilling, even though it took a few more
minutes for me to get into. Reed shows up here too and makes it clear why he’s one
of the creepiest character actors in the tradition of, say, Christopher Walken,
Dennis Hopper, Peter Lorre and perhaps Dame Judy Dench. Filmed in luscious
early-sixties black and white, it’s both visually and narratively a treat.

And today I have popped in The Kiss of the Vampire and let me tell you, from the awesome
opening scene, it’s awesome! While a fool might argue that it’s somewhat
predictable—and really, what movie isn’t,
except perhaps Darjeeling Limited—I
challenge anyone to find a predictable ride that offers more in the way of a satisfying classic
gothic soft horror trip. They don’t make ‘em like they used to.

Well, I could go on, as many of you know, but I think it’s
better to get something completed and
up rather than try and perfect it, or try to expand too long, or try too hard,
or try at all, for that matter. So I hope you enjoyed this autumnal offering
and will look forward to other offerings which I hope will come presently—among
them a closer look at coffee shops and the conversations people hope to have
there, as well as a unique examination of what might have happened if Hitler
got into art school.