Fathers, What Do You Love About Raising Daughters?

If you follow The Shade Room or check your Instagram explore page from time to time, you’ve likely seen a gender reveal on your feed. And quite often when fathers learn that they’re going to be having a daughter, the excitement and enthusiasm for their child fade. There are instances where there is legit anger. It tells a very discouraging story about the perceived value of women–from birth.

In an effort to combat that image, we asked some Black fathers what they loved about raising and loving their daughters. See what they had to say below.

Jacob Watkins:

As rare as it may seem, I knew, and told myself, that I wanted a daughter the day before we went to the doctor in order to find out the sex of the baby.

I was elated once we found out we’d be having a girl. Ever since she’s been here, it’s opened up my heart in ways I could have never fathomed. Sometimes I just look at her and think, “How is it that I am able to love you this much? This is so much love.”

The amount of things I appreciate about having a daughter is difficult to count because they seem innumerable. But:

I appreciate that I get to be an example of how she is to be treated based off of the way I treat my wife.

I love reversing the ways in which I was taught the concept of discipline as a child. Not that I was physically disciplined to a high degree, but I talk to my daughter so much that she doesn’t have to be touched. Words end up being enough, and they are impactful.

I let her explore! I try to teach her how to request certain things so that expressing what she wants is clearly communicated. I call her my little champion. I speak that she will be successful in whatever she sets her mind to. I love teaching her to pick up after herself, and I love when she watches me cook and brush my teeth.

Lol. I’m sorry. There are just so many things. From the minor to the major. I just adore my little girl.

Josh Wade

No lie I was not excited to have a daughter. I’m still hoping to have sons in the future but I’m happy that I have my little girl. She is only 18 months old so I really haven’t got into the throws of it. Who knows what she will be into when she is older. I think we all have fears about raising kids based on gender. Society puts so much on gender roles, personality traits, norms and expectations. People are constantly putting things on kids. She has lots of personality and people are quick to say she is sassy or will be a diva. I reject all of those negative narratives for my daughter. I fall into those same traps and I have to catch myself when I repeat those same words. As parents, my wife and I are working to establish her identity, early and often. She is not a princess who rules and gets everything she wants. She is not a diva who has attitude and sass. She is a leader. She is strong and courageous. She is respectful, kind, gentle, sweet, and loving. The thing I value most about my daughter is the ability to teach her and help her grow. Teaching her to feed herself, put away her toys, give high fives and fist bumps, wave, blow kisses, share, play well with others, and most importantly her value, worth, and identity. None of these things are unique just because she is a girl but as a father, I know I play the most pivotal role in establishing these truths in her life.

Joshua

My two girls cause me to correct myself as a man; because I want them to be loved and treated like queens.

Timothy

Her beauty is so radiant. I’m so appreciative of having the privilege of teaching her how to have her own agency and to be proud of it. I am honored to be able to show her through example, how someone who loves her should love her, encourage her, and support her through my relationship with her mother. She teaches me how to embrace reality and not toxic idealism. How to see love through softened lenses, that are engulfed and dancing and sass and singing.

Melvin

The genuine love and affection I receive when I step inside the house from work. At 16 months old my baby girl warms my heart and changes my mood instantaneously.

Idris

The great thing about having and raising a daughter is seeing the kindness, loving, willingly compassion for others in its natural form. The love they give make you smile every day and night. Makes u show them the right way to be treated. Like a Queen…

Dean

Being that I had her very young, she helped raise me. I want/wanted to be the man she could always look up to and turn to. A model man for my baby girl to look up to and know that’s how a man is supposed to be and treat others

LaShaun

Being that I had her very young, she helped raise me. I want/wanted to be the man she could always look up to and turn to. A model man for my baby girl to look up to and know that’s how a man is supposed to be and treat others.

Rossi

Having a daughter is a great example of the X & Y chromosome at work. It is the man that determines the sex of the chile or child. When you have a daughter she is a representative of the person she was created from. So for me, having a beautiful, strong, intelligent, loving daughter is a return on the gift of life.

Irvin Thaniel

There are several things to mention, but I will be brief.

1. Being able to share the Lord through each phase of her life

1a. Memories made with each other and for each other

2. Letting her witness Black Love and Life

3.Seeing my Mom in my daughter and keeping that memory alive

Edward Wells

Where to begin:

This will not be short.

When my wife and I found out we were pregnant with each of our daughters, my heart was light enough to fly, I spoke to my daughters in vitro forming a bond even then. When they were born, in my mind they remembered that voice and reacted to it.

As infants when I would come home from work, I irritated my wife by waking up my daughters up to spend more time with them, no matter the stresses of the day, they always made me smile. Just the thought of them to this day still makes my spirits soar.

My daughters took my instruction and lapped it up, be it reading the comics on Sunday and expressing what they read to getting a degree in Journalism or being taught to draw and getting a degree in Interior Design.

I am not a man of patience, having daughters gave me so much patience, I didn’t recognize myself. There were times with teachers, coaches and boys when under any other circumstances, I would have gone buck wild, but I wanted to be a better man for them.

Daughters increase your protective trait 20 fold, It is not hyperbole when I say I would kill and gladly die for them.

There was an occasion when a coach treated one of my daughters unfairly, (to the point of tears)

internally I wanted to do this coach physical harm, but I knew this was not the example I wanted to set for my daughters. So I took a diplomatic route that surprises me even to this day.

I have always told my daughters that they have a right to this world and everything in it, (there have been several life instances where I illustrated this)I believe it is one of the reasons they have been to several countries and continents.

I wanted to make sure my daughters didn’t participate in the “ woman making $0.82 for every $1.00 a man makes, which I believe is one of the reasons they have cash flow outside of their 9-5.

My daughters and I have a bond thru music that is hard to explain, we have impromptu jam sessions at the drop of a note, ( I couldn’t carry a tune in a Mack truck ) There are songs that to this day we all know our parts.