CroneCrate Unboxing: September 2016

CroneCrate: You'll Always Bewitch

Guys: as the internet’s premier crone headquarters, POMEmag was honored to receive a free subscription to CroneCrate: the only crone-centric subscription box that brings hexes and enchantments right to your mailbox / that hollow inside of a dead tree where all your letters turn up. We’re SO excited to share this benevolent gift with y’all so here’s our #unboxing blog about all the treasures packed into our very special September CroneCrate.

Let’s take a look inside! First off, here are the product description cards:

CroneCrate Introductory Card

Greetings & Salutations,

As the Harvest Moon rises across the black September sky, this month’s CroneCrate shall darken thy mailbox, imbuing ye with sundry magicks to greet the autumnal spirits.

We ken that many of ye hath returned to yr thick tomes of learning to practice yr spellcraft anew. This month, skip that visit to yr local apothecary, for yr September CroneCrate provides all yes require for Demeter’s season of bounty. We’re offering a vertitable horn of plenty stuffed with tools & treasures for the changing sky.

One Month Broom2Go Subscription | Cost: 66 seconds (of your life)/min
Small, energy-efficient broom can get you wherever you need to go. Warning: broom will dissipate after 1 month unless credit card number is said out loud under the light of a full moon.

Candle Wine Stopper | Cost: A liver, doesn’t have to be yours
Are you a witch or aren’t you? Hide your wine in plain sight.

Urn | Cost: Only available for Friends of the Mausoleum subscribers
Someday, your first familiar will depart from this mortal plane. Don’t say goodbye forever! This urn allows your familiar’s spirit to inhabit your dorm in spectral form.

We reached out to CroneCrate and unfortunately, subscriptions aren’t open to the public at this time. When reached for comment, a CroneCrate marketing rep would only tell us that

Ye cannae subscribe to CroneCrate, child; CroneCrate subscribes to you

And then cackled into our ears for pretty much 15 minutes straight. But we’ll keep y’all posted! Regardless, our first CroneCrate was a huge haul and we’re super excited to see what we get next month! ✨💀🙏