Brain Injury, Damaged “Filters”, Stress and Taking Care of Myself

Are you living with the impact of a brain injury? Are impulses getting in your way? Do you beat up on yourself? Do you respect your limits? Are you taking care of yourself? Would you like to take back your power? Would you like to live your life in a different way? These are questions I have asked of myself.

In August 1967, when I was 10 years old; I was in a motor vehicle accident with my family. In the accident, I sustained an open skull fracture with right frontal lobe damage, a severe brain bruise with brain stem involvement. I remained in a coma for 3 weeks. I also sustained a fractured left femur, remained in traction for 7 weeks and then in a Spica or body cast for 5 months. Once my external wounds healed, the impact of damage done to my brain became invisible. Because I looked normal, although I walked with a limp for a long time; the impact to my brain at the time of the accident was no longer a consideration. Because I learned how to walk, talk, read, write, and speak in complete sentences the impact of the injury to my brain injury became invisible.

Because there was little information known about brain injuries at the time, and I looked normal; I was essentially on my own. I had no idea how the damage to my brain affected my life and well-being. I had no idea that I could take a different course of action. I had no idea that I had a choice. I had no idea that I could experience different outcomes. I had no idea that I could respect my limits. I had no idea that I could take back my power. I had no idea that I could or how to take care of myself. I had no idea how stress led to my feeling overwhelmed. I had no idea how stress increased my susceptibility to overreacting. I had no idea that I could change.

After many years of struggling to make sense of the walls I kept bumping into vocationally, I was made the client of the department of vocational rehabilitation. During my 1st of 2 experiences as a client of DVR, I became aware of the impact of damage to my right frontal lobe. I learned that the right frontal lobe contains “filters” that monitor impulse control. Once these “filters” have been damaged, behavior(s) once closely monitored by the filters now have ‘holes’ or ‘gaps’ in them. The “holes” or “gaps” in the filters allow once monitored impulse control to “seep” through the once undamaged “filters”. Because of the damage to the “filters” monitoring impulses and reactions, once “controlled” or disciplined behavior; now become unpredictable. Because of the damage to the “filters” in my right frontal lobe once small responses to people, places, and things became huge reactions to people, places, and things. But I am glad that I became aware.

I am glad that I discovered that I could take a different course of action to get different results in my life.

Once I became aware of the “holes” or “gaps” in the filters of my right frontal lobe, I found hope. I began to realize that I could stop reacting to people, places and things in my life. I began to realize that I could monitor and look for patterns in how I related to people, places, and things. I began to realize that by making peace with my past I could begin to keep the focus on myself, instead of continuing to blame anyone, including myself. I began to realize that by monitoring my impulse to react to people, places and things that I could empower my life, well-being, and my relationships. I began to realize that instead of projecting my irritability, restlessness, and discontent onto other people I could take responsibility for my reactions. I began to realize that I could stop taking responsibility for other people’s irritability, restlessness, and discontent. I began to realize that I could become an actor, instead of a reactor to people, places, and things by monitoring my”filters”.

I began to realize that I could become an actor, instead of a reactor to people, places, and things by monitoring my”filters”.

I began to realize that I could stop taking responsibility for other people’s irritability, restlessness, and discontent. Through taking responsibility for my “triggers” under stress and by monitoring how I responded to people, places, and things I found a new freedom. A freedom to manage the stress that I experienced because of the damage to the “filters” in my right frontal lobe. A freedom to own my irritability, restlessness, and discontentment. With my ongoing freedom, I began to realize that I could create a good life for myself. A good life for myself despite being susceptible to being overwhelmed by stress at times. I began to realize that I could stop beating up on myself for my susceptibility to overreact to people, places, and things at times. I began to realize that I could take care of myself in difficult situations by learning from how I handled each stressful situation.

I began to realize that it was not other people’s responsibility to understand how my life was impacted. I began to realize that I no longer needed anyone else’s permission to be able to accept myself as an individual living with damage done to the “filters” in my right frontal lobe. I began to realize that I could take responsibility for my reaction to stress. I began to realize that I could be my own advocate by monitoring my reactions to people, places, and things. I began to realize that I could take care of myself in stressful situations.

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