Q&A with Mr. Federal Way: Legal weed and yappy dogs

Q: Hey Mr. Federal Way, now that marijuana is legal, when can I buy some weed in town?

A: In terms of legally acquiring marijuana, the answer is nowhere in Federal Way. Even though the voters of Washington voted at a 56-percent clip to legalize small amounts for adults and the ability to tax the sale, the city won’t have dispensaries anytime soon, they say.

“Marijuana dispensaries remain illegal under federal law,” city spokesman Chris Carrel wrote in an email to The Mirror. “The city code prevents the issuance of business licenses for activities that are illegal under federal law.” This means you are probably going to have to drive “out of town” to get what you need. But, that’s nothing new. Mr. Federal Way has to drive “out of town” for a lot of essentials nowadays.

State officials are expecting the marijuana game to be an economic boon. Consultants are estimating $495 million in annual sales among 300 stores across all counties, with the highest concentration being in King, Pierce and Thurston counties.

According to the Washington State Liquor Control Board, they have until Dec. 1 to write the rules of the new system for acquiring marijuana. The board recently approved the rules for “producing, processing and retailing recreational marijuana.” Some of the new rules include child-resistant packaging, criminal background checks and store signage requirements that will educate users.

It’s still going to be a little weird for Mr. Federal Way when anyone over 21 can go into a store and buy weed. But that’s just democracy at work. Mr. Federal Way and the rest of Washington voted to legalize marijuana, and now we have to live with the results.

It was also kind of strange for Mr. Federal Way to walk into Fred Meyer’s on a quest to fill Mrs. Federal Way’s grocery list and see a bottle of Jack Daniel’s staring back.

That’s just the way of the world in Washington state.

Q: Now that it’s summertime, I sleep with my bedroom window open. Every night around 2 a.m., our neighbor’s dog starts barking. What do I do?

A: Mr. and Mrs. Federal Way are currently having the same problem. And making it even worse is the fact that the dog in question is a “yapper.” There’s nothing worse than listening to a little dog bark when you are trying to sleep. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard. The “yapping” bark stimulates the same part of Mr. Federal Way’s brain as Mr. Federal Way’s kids when they whine about not getting everything they want. Very, very annoying.

Mr. Federal Way thinks it’s very disrespectful for a dog owner to leave their “yapper” outside at night. Mr. Federal Way’s first advice is to go knock on your neighbor’s door after work and politely tell them that their dog has been waking you up at night. Usually people are pretty receptive and apologetic when approached about a problem.

Hopefully, this solves the problem. But, there’s always “that” dog owner who will act like you are insulting one of their kids. Mr. Federal Way thinks these are the same people who bring their dogs shopping with them for no reason.

For these neighbors, a couple of solutions would be to leave an anti-barking collar and a note on their doorstep — or to start blowing a silent dog whistle when the dog barks at night.

Q: I live in Twin Lakes in the middle of all the traffic mess. Anyway, what part of a double yellow line do people not understand? I always thought you are not supposed to cross it to turn to go to the store, bank, pizza place or whatever you need to do. And if you are in one of the parking lots needing to get into traffic, you are not supposed to go all the way across traffic to get to the lane you want, especially if traffic is busy and heavy. Sometimes I think people need a refresher course in traffic rules.

A: Wow, talk about a long-winded question. And, according to Mr. Federal Way’s research department, it’s you who needs a refresher course in traffic rules.

It’s actually legal to make a turn over a double yellow line. A double yellow line just indicates a no-passing zone because of a lack of visibility.

But thanks a ton for the question.

Q: You “tell it like it is.” No “beating around the bush”... I hope your column stays around for a long while...

A: Not technically a question, but Mr. Federal Way’s ego needed a little stroke, and got it with this email. Mr. Federal Way also hopes the column stays around for a long while, and Mr. Federal Way promises never to beat around the bush. Thanks for reading.