let's fish some thoughts together

Menu

Category Archives: Time

There are the changes that we can control and those that we cannot control. There are the changes that we want and need, and there are those that we rather not have. Sometimes we see change as a blessing but other times we see it as a curse.

I know change is necessary to grow and keep life moving and that sameness means death but…

If change/chaos/rebellion is the natural order, could stagnation/stillness be the real “rebellion”?

Disclaimer: I know the title is like the Korean drama (Hello my Twenties/Age of youth). Really good drama.

My birthday is here and there’s no use fighting it. Although it is almost done, I decided to accept it with grace. I’m not sure how to feel but I have decided to enter this new stage in my life. I will accept what my 20s bring me.

For this day I got my hair ready, painted my nails, dressed in what I felt was my nicest and comfortable clothing, put on some lipstick, and went out into the world.

I thought about what lies ahead in my life, and I thought how I will accept whatever challenges and goals come my way. I wish there was a way for me to keep these moments documented forever so that I can remember them as they are and how I felt. The only way is through my feelings, my heart, and my memories so I will make the most out of them and enjoy as much as I can.

I can say that I spent time and birthday wishes from those I consider dear. Their good energy made me have a happy birthday.

I hope that this is a time that as I get older I can look back and say, “Ah, the memories.”

In a couple of hours, it will be April 10 and I feel very weird about it. I will be entering my 20s and my feelings are confused. I don’t know anyone who went through this thoughts but I don’t know if to be excited or sad that I am leaving one decade behind.

It hit me last night that even though I will be more open to opportunities I will entering an unexplored part of life. It hit me that what I don’t want to let go is the experiences that are tied to being a “teen” just as I did not want to let go the experiences and feelings of being a “kid”. For me, my experiences, memories, feelings, and thoughts all form part of me and losing them and turning into something else makes me feel like I am “losing” part of me. I know it is part of growing up but as I get older I know that I will forget some things that I hold dear now… it seems strange because I am living through it but it also feels scary because I don’t want to go through this “metamorphosis”.

I don’t know how powerful the mind is but for the last month, I had a cold, a bizarre stomach flu, a sore throat, and an enlarged spleen. What does this say about me? It’s like my body wants to fight my mind and the two things don’t match. It’s like my body is telling me something about accepting what will happen but my mind wants to stay stuck in time.

Time for me is very scary because I am very conscious about it. I say it is a curse – being conscious about time.

I want to hold on to the things that I feel define my time on this planet. All of this seems strange and scary but it all came to me last night and I couldn’t sleep for a long time.