Friday, June 13, 2014

I don't feel good

It felt like i'm getting closer to the real reality. I'm living one now. Currently finishing my degree life for good. But what's next? Adulthood. Hold on there. I knew where i was going, but i never thought that it would be this fast. I mean like really. In few weeks i might start working. Being an adult, responsible to pay bills, to make a loan and buy a house, to actually find my ow money so i can feed myself. I don't see the word 'fun' in the word 'adulthood'. I can feel the word 'responsible creeping under my skin, making nest on my bones. I'm not saying that i'm not ready. In fact i'm eager to see my capabilities being a women. Perhaps a successful one. Seeing mum and dad work so hard, earning money for the family and help me and my brother get through university life was a pain in my heart. Because i know it is tough. Within this mixed feelings of mine, i'm glad that eventually i'll be the first daughter of them to help and ease the pain. Better, i wish i could take the pain raising me and my two brothers or i can see us three retards for good. It's kinda scary thou. The idea of everything. Intern was fun. It's like a pre experience being in adulthood. That was intern. This time is the word 'working'. More money, more responsibility and i just hope i manage to not turn myself into a completely freaky workaholics. I can see myself being one during intern. The possibility for it to happen is kinda high. I might just make the best out of it then.

It's not that easy. Being the eldest. The only daughter. Did i mention the eldest. Yup twice. I nag on my blog about life. It's hard enough for now. We surviving study life with all the craps and shitz stuff. But being responsible on something, where it's utterly different from being a student of course will change everything. The way you talk to people. The way you dress. The way you represent yourself. The way you act to people around you.