Friday, August 21, 2009

Don't Knock it Till You Tried it Pt 2: Blatant Racism

Racism isnt a problem in America.

Discrimination, however, is a flesh eating virus knawing away at the collective cadaver of American society with the ferocity of a school of blood thirsty pirahanas. Just as Merriam-Webster's primary definition states, racism is the inherant belief that race determines certain traits, thereby ensuring the superority of certain races over others. This definition does not explicitly describe acts of preferential or detrimental treatment towards members of the same of different races, as these would encompass the practices of predjudice and discrimination.

Now I know a lot of you mutherfu*kas are thinking, "look at this nig*a trying to be all educated and philosophical" or "what the fu*k does this have to do with anything?" To those of you I say, Eat my ball sweat covered gym shorts son...No Homo (Bart Simpson Voice.) Do you honestly think I don't know how to write a blog by now? Do you think I'm not aware of the fact that you could give a shit about my world views on prominent issues? Yall are here because you want me to pick your brain all the while saying reckless sh*t and peddling seemingly contradictory yet inherantly true theories as could only be so elloquently explained in literary form by an educated Ivy League Hoodlum.

Lucky for you all, I don't know how to not talk reckless! Sure that was probably impropper grammar but who cares, we've got more important things to worry about.

Follow me on a journey into the land of societal taboos as I show you how to be racist, why it's OK and how this newfound openness will eventually lead our society to the coveted "city upon a hill" status.

Disclaimer: I indemnify myself against any damages shold you try anything mentioned in Today's post and get your ass whipped. That is all.

Don't Knock it Till You Tried it Pt 2: Blatant Racism

What do the Black Panthers, the KKK and Rastafarianism all have in common (Hint: it has nothing to do with white women, weed or guns)? All these movements believe, one way or the other, in the superiority of a particular race. Guess what else? They've all been around for decades based on their blatant, in your face style and tactics.

Now I am not saying these institutions are alike. Quite frankly the KKK are fu*king assholes, the black Panthers were a little too militant for my beliefs and the original Rastafarians were a little too guilible for the likes of myself. All these things being said, they still managed to evlove into respected institutions (love them or hate them) based on the simple premise that hey "we're keeping it 100. We hate the Police and don't really like white people. We hate Niggers. And We....well, we think its OK to Blaze the Herb and Praise our Black God while looking down at you lowly white peasants."

This being duly noted, I can imagine you all are asking "how does this effect us in 2009?" Well, you see, it is only by making things the norm or part of popular culture, that those things lose their edge or scathingly hurtful nature. Think about how the N-word has lost its fervor or how many jokes which can be told now couldn't have been mention years ago (think Catholic Priests and Little boys.) That's right people, we need to be overly-racist to get this shit out of our system and bring to light the inherant ridiculousness of some of these beliefs and stereotypes.

Sidenote: Start with members of your own race in order to not get killed. Take baby steps. LOL.

Ok, You ready? On your mark, get set.....Go call somebody a coon!! LOL.

Next time you're on a plane and the stewardess asks the man in front of you if he'd like chicken or fish, answer for him!! Say "He'll have the Chicken...with watermellon!!" LOL. See, you're getting the hang of it, it's funny.

Or how about when a white person is asked their favorite restaurant? What should you say? The Cracker Barrel. LOL.

Ok, On to the Latinos. If you see one of your brethren who has a job as a maid, always demand that she has the entire place "Spic and Span." Get it?

One more. Try this one the next time you overhear someone ask another African American what their favorite song is. Say "oooh, ooooh....I know his favorite song. The one from the Lion King. A-Coon-a-Matadaa. LMAO." Favorite Vacationspot? Can-Coon. I think you get the point.

If you work in HR, alther the form so that it says "Black, White, Other, Asian, Indian (Dot), Indian (Feather)", just to get a reaction.I think you get the point.

Nowadays people are more racist than ever, yet surpisingly, political correctness is at an all time high. Lets cut through all the bullshit and trade scathingly subtle hatred for lighthearted racism. It sounds contradictory and maybe i'll regret it but hey, its worth a try. Maybe racism will become like a radio friendly single...you hear it so much that by the time you buy the album the song's played out.

Lets all just hit the skip button. Niggas, Spicggas, Crackgaas and Chinkggaaas.

2 comments:

My racially-charged thought of the day: People of all races, interbreed and produce more interesting-looking children. By the time there are 18, there are plenty of us who will end up sugar-daddying for some mixed-race barely-legal hottie.

And for those who have done so already, thanks for all the attractive mixed-blood people in my general age bracket. Way to fornicate against racial stereotypes.

I'll take a Blasian, if you please. Or Asian mixed with anything for that matter. Including other Asian.

"And this is why you get death threats". Classic line from the only person whom i think could write this blog as well as I. You always manage to make me laugh. Well done Mr. Wizard. Though I prefer Puertoblasians.