Here’s the weirdest story you’ll read today. And I promise you it’s not from the Onion.

According to Ashby Jones and Dan Barbarisi of the Wall Street Journal, a panel of trademark judges denied a request for a private entrepreneur, Evil Enterprises, Inc., to register the phrase “Baseballs Evil Empire” after the Yankees objected.

The phrase, at least in the baseball world, was coined by Red Sox president Larry Lucchino in 2002 after the Yankees signed Cuban right-hander Jose Contreras. The Yankees have come to embrace the identity of being the “Evil Empire” over the years, even playing the Imperial March from “Star Wars” during their home games. This was actually part of the Yankees’ argument in the case, as well as numerous articles mentioning them in connection with the phrase.

The best part of this whole thing might be the judges’ explanation of their ruling.

“In short, the record shows that there is only one Evil Empire in baseball and it is the New York Yankees,” wrote the judges. “Accordingly, we find that [the Yankees] have a protectable trademark right in the term . . . as used in connection with baseball.”

Classic stuff. Of course, in the opinion of some Yankees fans, they haven’t been nearly evil enough recently.

But, as always, the evil henchmen must be clean-shaven. This is a respectable dark side, dontcha know. It isn’t enough to have evil in your heart — you must banish whiskers from your face. When doing evil unto others, they must SEE YOUR CHIN.

I can’t believe I’m actually about to turn on 790 The Ticket to listen to a bunch of scrubs, rejects, discount shelf models and the Iron Giant as if this were a season of promise. Ah well, good habits die hard.

Gator- doesn’t really matter who, what, where or why. I’m watching the mets and nats for Christ sakes. Got to to see strasburg, Harper and wheeler. The six months of shakes stopped, so the fix worked. Tomorrow at 1pm the evil empire debuts. Finally!!!