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It’s like I have this life right? And this life pretty much consists of chasing babies, and doing training and wondering if Christopher Pike ever got my fan letter then wondering why I’m wondering about Christopher Pike when I should be wondering why my goddamn hernia is back. But then I forget that and start wondering about manufacturing powerdered cream and if they put the flavoring in first or last. I mean, do they make specific batches of hazelnet and vanilla or is it one big batch and then the vanilla or hazelnut flavor blasts are added later?

Important questions.

So life is rolling along smoothly when BAM!

Weird shit.

All everywhere and unignorable. And I’m very good at ignoring things. Things like Danny. Who by the way, is confused by email.

I know.

Weiiiiiirrrd.

Weird started when Danny virtually informed me that there was a scorpion on the back porch. Mother effer NO.

Scorpions are some southwest nonsense. They are reason #3456 not to visit Texas. They are meant to be painted in sequins on the jacket of some leathery Santa Fe retiree. They are not supposed to bring their evil asses to Oklahoma!

Go ahead, it will relieve the tension.

Except now they do. To make matters ever worse, it was a small one and Danny killed it. You are saying, ‘what’s the problem there Sadie?’

The problem there imaginary internet friend, is that that little scorpion was probably the scout. So now, when he doesn’t return all his bigger scorpion buddies will know that they have to be stealth bombers in this invasion. So instead of crawling up my backyard where I can fire bomb them they will drop down in my shower and I will FREAK OUT and they will crawl in my ears Christopher Pike style and that will be that.

As usual, the Japanese have already prepared for the insanity - with guns, ambigious sexuality, and prisons.

I don’t have time to worry about this weirdness.

Then this already red state had to go completely batshit insane and elect all red, even in my district. Which should not have happened. Seriously. Everyone said that would not happen. But. it. did.

Weird.

Finally, Fox has decided that he is various types of bugs. All, ‘oh mommy I’m a little spider and you are a big spider.” and “These pajamas make me a bee! Say goodnight bee, mommy, say goodnight bee – say it!”