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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Of Doors and Windows (Where In She Is Reminded)

The studio is chilly today. I have the heat going and I have a project I am working on, but the chill in my feet isn't leaving. This lovely little shack I have out here, roughly 150 feet from my home, is gloriously equipped with large windows. They are great for letting in light and keeping me inspired with their views, but they are not efficient holders-in of the heat. It's a trade off. I prefer the light...

Windows and doors have been swimming around my brain lately. God has been providing inspirational quotes and concepts about them. It is the start of how He gets my attention, bombarding me with something until I relent and listen closely. I think we all know about the one that goes, "When God closes a door, He will open a window instead." Tim Tebow just posted about giving thanks in the hallway when God isn't opening doors. Someone recently reminded me that your eyes are the window to your soul. So when I sat down today to write out my thoughts I had an entirely different approach in mind.

I had intended to write about how we manage our attitudes when God closes the doors on our desires or our plans. I had intended to wax philosophical on making sure we accept His guidance and blah, blah, blah. I even started the post. Yeah... Ahem. Like most things I try to handle myself, God had a different plan. To put it bluntly, my head is still stinging from the slap I got.

God chose my topic today. It isn't an easy one. It is hard. Really hard. His lesson to me today (a lesson I desperately need) is about windows. See, doors are easy. Doors are definite, cut and dried: they are either open or they are shut. They are either unlocked and accessible, or they are locked and entry beyond barred. Doors do not involve my heart condition. I can rail at the fact that I cannot gain access... But I either walk away or stand in a hallway, safely excluded from whatever lay behind the portal.

Windows are a whole 'nuther ball of wax. Windows allow me to see what is on the other side. Windows can be full of temptations and selfish desire. Windows can deceive me into thinking that but for one latch or a quick handle-crank, I could have what is on the other side. Windows make me choose. I either choose to be obedient, or I choose to desire that which God says I cannot have.

Anyone who has lived in Colorado can tell you windows can weave a tale that will leave you shivering. With 300+ days of sunshine a year, often looking out at the crystal blue skies and majestic evergreens will fool you into thinking that you could leave your jacket, even your parka, behind. It is never wise to rely on what you see. Instead, checking the temperature gauge will tell you that that sunshine is harboring a hostile 20-something degree day. Don't fall for it! Put on your coat, or stay safely inside.

God is my gauge today. I have windows tempting me these days. Windows that have promising views - things that look really good from where I am sitting in the cozy safety of my Christ relationship. The gauge is saying different. I keep looking out those windows and think maybe the gauge is off. Maybe it would be ok to just poke my head out that window and take a look-see. I have tried the door. It is still shut tight. But that window beckons...

Before I reach out and let in all the chill of our fall weather, before I allow in things that God does not intend me to have, before I disobey His kindest desire for me - before I do that, I hesitate. His voice speaks to my heart and reminds me of all the things I have seen in those windows. He asks me to recall the times I have not resisted and the pain I was caused. And He reminds me of the times I trusted Him. The times He Himself handed me more than I could have thought to desire. Much more than the window had promised to me...

Praise God, He doesn't speak to me in riddles. Praise to Him that desires me to be His tool, used by His purpose, fed by His plan. I can turn away from the windows, buckle down in my efforts and reapply myself to my time behind the closed door. I will let the window bring me light. I will acknowledge that it is there. But until the door is swung wide and I am released into the safe warm air, I will stay put, admiring the view only for what it is. Potential unrealized, until He says it is time.

Be blessed, admire the view, but enter only by the open door... Peace to you.