Death and Possibilities

How did we lose sight of it all? How did we come to the understanding that life is a hardship with moments of wonder, and if lucky, happiness thrown in for good measure.

How do we remember that which is forgotten the minute we are born? And where does it all lead to anyway? What is truly possible?

Somebody once told me that there are a lot of people living other people’s lives. I’ve come to understand that to mean that we are doing and having for the wrong reasons. We’re making shitty decisions based on fear, guilt, pride and other people’s expectations, to name a few. And although we may know that it’s not really what we want, we choose to do it anyway – because “we have to” or because it’s the “right” thing to do!

This past weekend, I lost a friend. I worked with this woman years ago, but she left the company where we met, and I lost touch with her for a very long time. A couple of years ago we reconnected through facebook, and then this past February, I was invited to a surprise birthday party her husband threw for her. We had a great evening catching up, and stayed in touch through email.

This woman had been battling cancer over the years, but had been in remission for quite some time. Sadly, the cancer came back, and this time with a vengeance. Her husband called me Friday night to tell me she was in the hospital, and then called again Saturday morning to tell me she had passed away.

Her living story is over.

Death gets me thinking more about life. It confirms for me that there is no time like the present to get doing the things you really want to do. I don’t want to die thinking that I should have done this, that or the other thing. I plan to die knowing I lived life fully.

For me, that means living life according to my own rules. It means that I owe it to myself to live without fear, guilt and all the other bullshit we wallow in, and just be who I am.

There is a poem written by Marianne Williamson in – A Return to Love, that communicates the way I feel better than I currently can:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves:
‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God!
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won’t feel insecure around you.

We are meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

I am creating a world that I love existing in. In my new world, I am doing what best suits me. My world is happy, and includes many other individuals who are happily doing and creating. In my world, there is a basic understanding that we are all here to have a life experience, and that we all contribute to the experience of those around us.

My contribution includes written and spoken words. It includes sharing my experiences and what I’ve come to know. I don’t have all the answers, and my thoughts and ideas may not resonate with others, but I’m going to say them anyway. I’m learning to live as openly and honestly as I can because that is what I need to do for me, and that’s all that matters.

In allowing myself to be true to my Self, the space for crap diminishes. There is no room left to let in any more bullshit, and I’m slowly clearing out the piles that already exist.

In thinking about death I’m reminded that while living, all things are possible, if we allow them to be.