Every morning when you open your eyes, just like today, you’re going to make choices. Those choices will affect you while you walk to the shower, to the kitchen for breakfast, while you dress, and for the rest of your day. Ultimately, each day you’re making choices that will affect how the rest of this year will unfold, and you can pick directions that are beneficial or detrimental under your own free will and you WILL live with the results – whatever they may be. You’re the only one in charge of this, just like I always say we are the ones in charge of our health care and we hire physicians to assist us. The same applies to directing our mindset to set up the day, the week, the month, and the year. What you think, and speak (and then hear with your ears because you said it out loud), is like a rudder that will send you either forward in progress or sideways into a wreck on the rocks. It’s day ONE right now. So where are you headed? You probably have the day off responsibilities right now. It’s a good time to make that assessment. (Especially since the major partying was last night if you did any… today should be quiet enough.)

I don’t do resolutions. In my opinion they are pointless displays of a desire for an image that you have no real determination to carry out. It’s a cultural tradition with little substance. Most people discuss resolutions quite openly, and then joke about how long it will last. If there is anything meaningful and necessary in your life to follow through on, just stop talking about it and make it happen. It doesn’t matter what the pace is as long as you continue to face forward, and in doing so you will find out that you are far more capable than you have ever imagined. While you’re at it, stop degrading yourself because you’re probably the ONLY one saying negative and denigrating things about you. Don’t invite people to insult and demoralize you and you will be more apt to stand up for yourself when they try – you’ll find yourself instead showing people what you’re really made of and speaking powerful declarations over yourself of the good things to come. Mind your words. Build a foundation that others will respect. You won’t get that with self-denigration. It’s not cute. It’s not humorous.

Over the last few months I’ve seen a lot of behaviors that I can’t accommodate or participate in. That happens in text posts in social media, and it happens in live streaming broadcast chat. I’ve been tolerant to a point with some people, considering they are in the process of growth. The bottom line for me right now however is that I am in the middle of crunch time on training and projects, and there are also some very dedicated individuals that have been with me a long time who do (righteously) expect a certain level of positive focus and support. I can’t afford to break stride for any insecurities that creep into my own mind, and I can’t break it to placate it in anyone else. I put myself out there and share my story for two solid reasons, and here they are….

1. Outreach as an advocate for better quality of life with catastrophic illness and injury.2. Awareness education to the public regarding rheumatic autoimmune and neurological diseases, and women’s heart disease.

That’s my platform. Starting today I am laying out some ground rules and boundaries. This is necessary because being and advocate and offering support is about teaching strength and suggesting solution strategies for a progressing life path. It includes some empathy but never sympathy, and the second I allow myself to consider sympathy in any form I’ve abandoned my #NoExcuses standpoint. That also means that it’s possible for me to start feeling like I deserve sympathy myself… and I don’t… no one does. It’s a word used far too loosely in all the wrong areas. This is life. Life contains pitfalls and challenges and pain. There are always worse things. Remember that.

How I address some things may change a bit. I will very directly tell people in topical broadcasts if they’re off topic (not that I’ve never done that anyway). That’s not a halt on crosstalk, chat, hellos, or asking how people are, or even interjecting a question or thought. It IS a mandate that I’m not going to allow anyone to drive a broadcast when I have a purpose spelled out for it. My work is important and I’m trying to reach people that are in pain and at risk for damage and death if they don’t get control. Reminder: LUPUS KILLS. It is not an inconvenient disease. It is debilitating and life-threatening, and there is no cure. I am a Lupus patient. I am a heart patient. I am at huge risk and so are many of my friends. I am trying to offer choices, direction, and solutions that will provide better outcomes for all of us. I am building a platform of genuine support, not a mutual environment of commiseration. If I see a repetition of complaint from someone that is refusing to take charge of embracing a solution or at least deciding to seek one, I’m going to call them on the carpet for it. It’s not to be mean. It’s called tough love. A friend recently described me as “no nonsense”. That’s a very basic truth about me. I don’t do anything halfway.

I’m honest and I’m all in, or I’m nothing. My word is to me the same as a blood oath. I said I would be the voice for those who feel they can’t. This is the only way that can happen.

I would love to think that everyone on my lists will link arms with this cause 100%. That’s not about how they participate but just that they at the very least do not throw rocks in my path. If you can’t add something uplifting, silence is an option. If you’re having a struggle and want to talk about it, and I KNOW YOU WELL ENOUGH (my close friends that I trust), you know that you can message me and we’ll chat. What I expect in return for the offer of support is that you move forward when you get that response. That doesn’t mean you have to solve the issue in 5 minutes, or even a week, but it does mean that I don’t want to see the same issue repeated 10 times over the next year on the exact same point without any true intentions displayed to shore it up. I have removed people from friend lists for exactly that behavior, just as an FYI. You can’t continue to melodramatically tell me that your circumstances are destroying you when I can see you are still here and expect me to take you seriously. Stop trying to convince yourself that you’re going to fail. That too is a choice. We either do this thing together or we start losing people. Are you tired of losing people? I am.

You woke up. You’re breathing. You’re reading this. If you are going to say you are a warrior then find your center and fight. GET UP AND MOVE! The only time you fail is when you stop getting back up!

Birth is a death sentence. I’m the first one to say that, and I know we are all on a march towards our own mortality. I’ve faced that quite plainly with my own health conditions. That does not however mean that we should carelessly careen towards it without a concern about the consequences of those…. choices. I do not teach how to extend the years you have on this planet. I teach how to ignite the fire of real life, and experiences, and purpose within the years that you are given. The truth is that the more you care you put into your quality of life, the more years you are given (barring accidentally stepping in front of a Mack truck, mind you). The more care you put into your daily decisions and loving yourself, the more you will WANT to continue as well. That’s a crucial and oft ignored point.

You are the one who will decide how you respond to life challenges, regardless of their nature. The year 2016 was not a bad year. It was challenging in some ways, as are they all, but there were lessons and growth to be had. Take it and run with it and get farther ahead in 2017 BECAUSE YOU CAN.

It’s day one. Make it matter. Make it real. There are no excuses. No one has the time or energy to spare for wallowing in misery, and as I have said for a long time now….

Pain is inevitable. Sooner or later it touches all of is. SUFFERING is optional.

We share the same air. That very thing that we take into our lungs that sustains us is part of what connects us all, wherever we are, past, present, and future. We share the same air.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2017/01/01/good-morning-2017/feed/3we-share-the-same-airtalagleskawe-share-the-same-airThis Thing Called Periscope…https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/this-thing-called-periscope/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/this-thing-called-periscope/#commentsFri, 14 Oct 2016 19:02:28 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1653]]>Social media at it’s finest still has some bumps in the road. Fellow live streaming broadcasters: Let me just say right at the top that WE are the new media, and we’re everything that mainstream should be but cannot be. Let’s keep it that way.

At the outset I also have to say that I love Periscope as a platform. I love what it does for us. I love the people that I can meet and spend time with, and I think it’s a great venue. I won’t ever say otherwise but even under the best of circumstances, and guarding whom it is that I draw into my personal social circle, there are always little “things” that have to be addressed. As briefly as I can keep this… don’t act goofy. It’s a level playing field as far as I’m concerned and even though we are all aware of which broadcasters have a broader reach or a bigger voice and who the higher ups are, it’s not a bit necessary for any of us to go fan-girl on them. We’ve all done that to some degree, but at least try to embrace those who are able to display humility with enough respect that they know you still want to interact with them like a human being. If you put someone on a pedestal too high, they’re never going to end up a friend. Just sayin….

What it’s done for me is put me in motion again. At a time when I was beginning to feel stagnant, it gave me a reason to explore things that I either drove past all the time without stopping, or that I didn’t bother to drive a little farther to get to. Because I want to share my world with others, I am expanding my own world. That’s what it has done for all of us – garner appreciation and adventure.

I also need to say something about a block that had to happen yesterday. Don’t ever come into one of my broadcasts and try to run it for me and talk about someone else’s drama or “issues” with Periscope or any other social media platform or individual. I won’t tolerate it. I was as polite as I could be and tried to divert, but that individual didn’t know when frankly to shut up. There were other remarks made throughout the broadcast that were negative and in my opinion rude, and it’s unnecessary. Make yourself the person who is capable of enjoying and celebrating someone else’s successes and fun moments, and be a supportive part of that. If you have nothing good to say, leave. Just leave. Go find someone else to troll. I don’t have time for it, nor do I wish my viewers to be subjected to your inability to behave appropriately. We have a fantastic community and if you feel the need to privately gossip to your friends about what “happened to someone” because of some supposed information, do that but NOT IN MY BROADCAST. Most especially do not show up as a stranger to me and try to do that. You will only end up blocked and I might not be shy about letting others you are connected to in media know about it and why. I’m saying don’t be an ass. Today I’m not sorry for being blunt. It’s become necessary. If you’ve been following me for a while you know that I don’t pull any punches. It’s who I am.

Periscope staff are not the ones that will regulate. That’s on us. We make it what it is by our own words and actions, and we are the ones responsible for building good content. That does not simply happen by having a good thought, an active topic, and tapping that Broadcast button. It also happens by managing your details. Good topics, interaction, engagement, and interesting locations are great but your set-up otherwise is foundational. If you’re not checking your Followers regularly and sorting that list, you’re committing a major fail and doing it intentionally. Every single one of us has to go into that list and remove the spammers, the trolls, and the stalkers. When you don’t do that, and you show up in someone else’s broadcast, and you invite YOUR FOLLOWERS…. what’s happening? You’re dragging your trash into their living room and dropping it off. If you ever see someone following me that I haven’t gotten to yet that needs to be evaluated, feel free to send me a message about it. I WILL look at it. You should see a clean list 99% of the time on me. New follows I won’t apologize for, but if I go 2 days and someone is still sitting there unmoderated that I need to remove, I want to know about it. That means I’m slacking. I have no intention to purposefully invite trolls into my friend’s broadcasts. Ever.

Please exercise the same courtesy for everyone. Just take a minute to sort that list out. Having a large number of followers means nothing if it’s all junk. Surround yourself with quality friends. If they’re an egg with no bio, look at who they are following and who follows them. You’ll know if they need to be blocked. It’s not difficult. If they have a bunch of kissy emojis, other suggestive pics, and a web link… what do you THINK they’re in Periscope for? Some profile pics are enough to be an obvious message. Hey, if that’s what you’re there for then fine, go play. Don’t bring it to me though. I’ll end up blocking you along with them in the end. I don’t want to have to do that.

I hate that I have to be stern and less than upbeat in this post. It is however completely necessary. I’ve gone to great lengths to remove negative individuals from my life and I intend to keep it that way. Outreach is hard sometimes because of that – protecting yourself while still offering help to those who are actually willing to be proactive and make changes. Not everyone who says they want their life back really means it. Not everyone is willing to put in the work. I support those who are willing to work for it. I also make the effort to help guard the environment my friends have to experience. That’s why I call it the Troll Patrol in Periscope. When you’re broadcasting, you can’t always focus on everything going up the screen. We should all be watching each others backs for those problems. Don’t be afraid to click report on a troll or a spammer. Hey, I keep my moderation switches ON. Someone else may think that’s not the good way to do it but it’s my way. Great feature. Use it.

We’re all capable of improvement. I work on that daily myself. (Both in general life and in social networking.) We should be encouraging each other to do so. That’s not even always done by “constructive criticism”, which let’s face it, not everyone appreciates. Sometimes it’s done by pointing out something you LIKE about what they’re doing. More importantly it’s done by having each other’s backs.

Be as fantastic as I believe you are able today. Make someone else smile. Hopefully you will get one from me as well.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/10/14/this-thing-called-periscope/feed/112106744_10153744845394529_8224079975088075949_ntalagleskaSleep, HAHA ha…https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/09/12/sleep-haha-ha/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/09/12/sleep-haha-ha/#respondMon, 12 Sep 2016 10:10:48 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1616]]>Yeah… sleep. *snicker* Right… not till I return to my blog and empty my thoughts. SUCH a day it has been. I haven’t written in a while because Alice found that rabbit hole, and it’s name is Periscope. At first I didn’t feel compelled, and then I was curious, and then I thought “Okay… it has some uses…” I had NO idea. (You can laugh.) If you’ve not yet discovered what a window to the world this app can be, you really should consider exploring. You can see the world. You can make friends all over the world. No, it’s not the same as Facebook either. It’s very different when you can interact live with voice and a view. How many times has someone taken your words wrong on social media anyway, and BECAUSE they only had text to work with? YouTube is great and you can edit, but it’s not interactive. Not really.

I bounced from one curiosity to the next and landed in Hawaii and Australia primarily. I can’t even tell you how I first met some of my new friends because it happened so fast. For those who do not realize it, my first nature is introverted – even though everyone thinks I’m a social creature. They’re now calling it being an “ambivert”, which I think is pretty funny and accurate. I usually hate coined and conglomerated terms but it fits, I swear. When it comes to health condition outreach, I remain an open book to my readers and followers online because if I’m not honest, I reach no one. So realize that I do have an anxiety disorder and it took a lot of adjustment for me to get into making YouTube videos, and an even bigger adjustment to deal with live streaming. That I’m making this effort means I found value in it. Only my closest friends earn my trust enough to learn more details about my personal life otherwise. If I’m sharing with you like that, you did something very right. It means you’ve been an encouragement that I desperately needed.

I have felt stuck, almost stalled out, for a while in some areas. That’s not just frustrating. When you’re trying as an autoimmune/neurological patient to train for a challenging goal, it’s the kiss of death for your schedule. I am without question not where I want or need to be right now and I’ve felt for a while like I was spinning my wheels. That’s not a conversation I have with everyone when I’m in the middle of it and literally only ONE person has been there for me enough to hear it, feel it, and stay by my side working through it this last year. Probably in part out of empathy – being able to personally identify with the intended path and the roadblocks both. Talk is cheap. When I see someone in motion, doing something about their issues, THEN I am impressed. They remain my most trusted support and genuine confidant. But then…….

I’m grateful for the new voices. Grateful for the fresh support and encouragement. It’s a breath of fresh air that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’ve said this in scopes but I’ll say it here too; I’ve had more reason to laugh and smile in the last few weeks than I have had in a long time. My new scoping friends, you’re not just friends. You’re a family. What an amazing community full of people willing to work at maintaining some standards. WOW, seriously. You know what you get in Facebook if you try to discuss such things? “It’s just Facebook.” Now there’s a phrase I’m sick of and one that makes me want to smack somebody. It’s dismissive of the fact that there is another human being that you are talking to. There’s no excuse for bad behavior and that phrase just screams that you don’t care about anyone but yourself – “I’ll do what I want”, basically. I won’t even get into the various scenarios I’ve seen it applied to. So far I haven’t run into that attitude in Periscope really. I think people are less likely to mouth off when they have to do it with their face and voice, rather than hiding behind purely text. Their protection and anonymity is gone once they have to be live in front of the world. For the majority of us it triggers a sense of responsibility. It sure does for me!

Is there any better friend than one that makes you want to better yourself? I’ll take that any day over commiseration. Is there any better friend than one that makes you laugh and feel lighter in your heart every day that you talk to them? I’d much rather have that than someone telling me it’s okay to feel angry, sad, or depressed. (Emotions are real and have their place, but you shouldn’t camp out there!) Is there ANY better friend than one that will take the time to actually hear you? I need that more than someone just telling me I should “take it easy” and rest all the time.

Do you ever wonder how many people have been talked out of taking action by the alluring promise that their doubts were normal and they should embrace limitations? A life of adapting means choosing not to accept limits as they are. It means being aware that while you’re picking your path, someone else is also watching you too. I’ve chosen to do something difficult. There just is no place in my life for extra discouragement.. and I’ve had my fair share of it.

By the way, I’m glad people seem to have figured out my sense of humor. Snarky and smartass is just a requirement for anyone that I consider family. If you can’t have fun, you’re not really living. Thanks for sending a little more light my way.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/09/12/sleep-haha-ha/feed/011921650_956674997723391_5995467688649638506_ntalagleska11921650_956674997723391_5995467688649638506_nJust Keep Walkinghttps://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/07/17/just-keep-walking/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/07/17/just-keep-walking/#respondSun, 17 Jul 2016 23:10:19 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1440]]>I am most at home in the woods, and also at my best – especially near flowing streams. It’s been my center and rejuvenation, my tranquility and strength over the years and it is always the place to which I run again whenever something needs mending. There isn’t much that a night or two amongst tall trees with a fire won’t heal, or at least start the process.

What we are lacking today is both a personal and a unified connection to our natural environment. That’s why everyone is so angry and out of balance.. you know that, I hope. There ARE simple answers and they are imbedded in the truths of the original inhabitants, aboriginal peoples, First Nations, the tribal cultures… the ones who still remember the import of letting yourself be embraced by the Mother. There is no one skin color for this truth, because if you roll back in the history of Caucasians, they were tribal too. Consider the ancient Celts for a moment… and what a powerful people they were. Profound spiritual foundations there that weren’t even Christian-based as most people today seem to assume. Earth religions – and for those who proclaimed Christianity they STILL mingled it with those foundational beliefs. Being of mixed ethnicity, I’ve had to think about that a lot. I may know more about my First Nations blood and culture and walk in those traditions, but I am aware of the rest and respect it from the depths of my soul. A drum is a drum. They all stir something emotional and have their own clear voices.

At the core of who I am, I have been going through a transformation for several years. Reaching for something more meaningful often takes us down a road full of ditches and detours. As a young person I never understood why my life and experience was so different from that of my peers even with the same basic provisions, and it was very frustrating to not really seem to “fit in” anywhere. I had to learn to accept that I was not often accepted as I am and when there were no close friends, I had to learn what there was to love about being alone. When there was no support, I had to learn how to be that for myself. Sometimes you have to be open to unusual reasons for strange events and the process is likely to be very uncomfortable. A decade ago I was forced to accept limitations for a time. That tore me down to nothing… rock bottom. In 2010 I began screaming through my agony for answers (reasons) and eventually got some answers, even though they were not happy news. In 2011 one of those answers became a spurring motivation. By 2012 I decided to violently take back the things that had slipped away. I set a mark of 4 years for a goal.

Regarding all of that transformation, something I posted recently to consider… “Molting is a necessary process for maturation, health, and continued strength. Don’t fight the process if you want to soar like an eagle. Some things need to be shed to allow for new growth.”

What are you holding onto? What do you need to release your grip on to receive something better?

The cards we’re dealt… I’ve used that analogy for many years now. My hand was never good, but a good bluff can go a long ways. It doesn’t matter, because I have the choice of defining myself either by the pain or by the successes. I recently took a mile long uphill walk straight up a dry riverbed with a soft, sandy bottom in an area where I could have taken an easy and well-worn trail. Why? Because the interesting and uncommonly experienced view was over there among the trees and boulders <—- , not over there —-> with everyone else. The solitude and serenity was in that empty riverbed where I was alone with my struggle. (Really, I was sore for days.) There are times when it is important to choose to take a step to the side and make your own way, because there is something deeper… more profound in a walk alone. You do not build muscles by taking the path well-traveled. You do it by challenging yourself with intent. There has to be a passion driving you for that to be undertaken in a sense of joy. Regardless of what it is.

Let me say this again… I am not angry that I am ill. I am not grievingabout not having the advantage of unmarred health. If I were not this person with these challenges, the people that I speak to today would not hear me. There is grace in the willingness to carry a burden in exchange for offering a hand to others who may be drowning. I do get frustrated at times because I want faster progress, but I don’t allow myself to indulge in that feeling for long. The reality is that I can look back on where I was at the date stamp on a class certificate on the wall over my desk – where I keep it for a quick reminder – if I ever doubt how far I have come. While taking that class I learned about the damage to my heart. It was 2011 – that spurring motivation that led me to taking back what had slipped away. At that point I got on my feet again, in spite of the pain. Every time I am sitting here pondering where I’d like to be as opposed to where I am, I lift my eyes to that date on the wall and remember barely being able to walk to the end of my block and back. I would love to say that I feel totally on track for Half Dome next year but I don’t. Regardless of that FEELING though, I am continuing forward. I will do this because I just have to. That’s passion.

I am thankful for whatever stumbled me onto the Rewild Your Life challenge that I participated in this year. In that 30 days I was able to strip away some layers built up from living in the city that were blocking my energy. This is a hard place to exist now.. between the need to fling open and keep open those doors to being plugged in to the natural world, and the need to put up walls to drown out the chatter, the rage, the noise, and the intrusion that happens when I am in the concrete instead of the riverbed. I am still figuring out how to balance that, but so far all I can do is keep running back to the woods whenever I can get loose and let myself fly. (Someday my hope is to live somewhere that don’t have to run away from regularly.) In some ways I feel like I can breathe again… and in others I feel assaulted every time I have to be anywhere public. I had forgotten how stressful it was to simply walk through a department store with other people. Everyone is so determined to be HEARD and SEEN, and about this idea that you have to know ME that they are literally screaming for attention. It hurts. That alone makes me want to run away.
Getting back to my car and slamming the door shut brings a sigh of relief.
When did so many people simply abandon the ability to express strength THROUGH serenity?
You are no less important when you use your two ears more than your one mouth. That, in fact, is powerful.

One of the health conditions I live with is Orthostatic Intolerance because I have Dysautonomia. It does a couple of things. If I’m upright for too many hours, it feels like a strain on my heart.. that’s the best way to describe it. I have to literally get horizontal for relief for a while. It’s not as bad if I’m physically active and that after a very good night’s sleep. The less rest I get, the worse it is, and if I’m simply standing or sitting around as well. This is one of the reasons I’m able to hike trails with less distress than trying to just hang out with people at a gathering. If I disappear at a party you will probably find me someplace stretched out flat trying to get some balance back. It’s that simple. When I stand up after sitting for a while (like when you drive or sit down for a meal), my blood pressure also drops 20 to 30 points. It’s a dysregulation in autonomic systems – the ones you don’t usually have to think about like blood pressure, heart rate, temperature, respiration, etc. So…. when I step out of my car to walk to a store, that happens. When I walk across a parking lot, it usually starts to hit me about halfway to the door. (People who have Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome can have this reaction as much as 12 minutes after standing and CAN pass out.) I can’t generally stand around in the parking lot and frankly that would waste a lot of time that I hate to sacrifice. I walk. When my BP starts dropping I feel lightheaded, and sometimes it dulls my hearing as my blood is trying really hard to get to my brain. I’ve read accounts from POTS patients who said their vision can be affected as well. They do the same thing I do. They walk. One foot in front of the other. It will pass. You’ll never see anything wrong unless one of us stops, says something about it, or ends up on the ground. I guarantee you’ve been around people with this condition and never known it. I’ve had this for so many years without knowing what it was that a good portion of my friends have been there when it’s happened without having a clue. I cover well.

I can remember stepping out of a sweatlodge with the instruction to plant your feet, stand firm, be strong. It’s no different than that for me. When you know that the situation is temporary you can determine to plant your feet… and just keep walking. There are proper times to let yourself set down into the earth and get grounded and converse with Mother, pour out your heart if need be. Just don’t set up camp there and forget to plant your feet again. Negative life experiences are temporary, even when they seem permanent. Go back to my tagline again… “Suffering is optional.”

Suffering is not the experience!

It’s how you choose to handle it. The negative is what’s temporary, even if the change is genuinely permanent. You are the only one who can make that adaptation happen. You have to choose not to take any backward steps. Even if you’re sliding, FACE FORWARD where you’re headed! Stop taking your eyes off of your goals to fret about what’s behind you. Leave it there.

I will readily admit to feeling emotional impulses that are not always healthy. It gets the best of us. It’s what you do about it that makes or breaks where you are at. Being a warrior is not all about being able to rage.
It’s about the wisdom to discipline your responses and knowing when to rage, and when to rest,
and how to keep facing forward the entire journey.
It’s about making a difficult but strong choice and then knowing how to lead without hesitation.

You may not have had the positive experiences to feel at ease out in nature. I used to take first-timers out on camping trips to deal with that. Oh, the memories. It may never be something you adore and run to the way that I do, but I want to encourage everyone to take the time at some point this year to get back to their roots of humanity – most especially if you have never done this. Get away from the city for at least a few hours and gaze into the flowing water of a river and listen to it’s musical voice. Stare up into a canopy of trees and feel the air that is also moving through it’s leaves. Let the wind blow through you. It’s time to recognize the basic connection we all share, and how small we really are as individuals. Trust me… it will diminish the enormity of so much anguish in your life.

The level of abusiveness out there has really reached critical mass. I’ve mentioned before that I was part of the early BBS crowd, before the Internet, so I’ve been communicating by modem/online since 1988. Back then we saw an influx of bravado that was really misplaced, stalking, people who felt they could say anything they wished because they felt there was a lack of consequences – and never a thought about it being a real person that they should respect behind that username and number. As sysops (admin) we had the hard job of trying to regulate it, both in posts and in chats, and it wasn’t always easy to control. People would simply create a new account if you deleted them and return to start again. Some BBSes we started doing ID checks to try to prevent those problems and to keep minors out. That was sometimes quite a chore too. When the Internet began to take over, it only got worse. People who had been running rampant out here spilled over into what was left of the BBS world and tried to act the same as they had in the broader arena where there is such anonimity. Every time I see certain types of behavior, my memories of that time creep in. We knew it wasn’t going anywhere good when the private BBS world died. I feel old sometimes, thinking about that. At the same time I have the privilege of saying I was part of a community that had standards and a belief in protecting members and treating others well. There were always jerks. The majority of us were good people.

.

The really sad thing now is… we have a clear window into the thoughts of some of the most biased, unbelievably arrogant members of society on a daily basis. I usually cringe when I see the word “ableism” used, but today it keeps popping into my head and I can’t deny that it’s a very real thing. I don’t like to pigeon-hole people when it’s avoidable but OH MY GOD. A simple ad for a finger guard for cutting vegetables can bring out the worst in some people. What is happening? I pointed out to a few in a conversation thread that a knife is a tool, and unless you’re willing to go back to gnawing your vegetables with your teeth instead of using a knife, you have no place criticizing someone that wants or needs to use a guard so they don’t cut themselves while chopping their food. Why is it any different? Circular saws have guards, but I don’t see anyone calling people names for THAT. There is apparently something wrong with wanting to be self-sufficient in the kitchen though, and if you’re not capable of curling your fingers “You shouldn’t be chopping.” I guess we should hire people to take care of that menial task for us. I can’t wrap my mind around it right now.. how incredibly self-centered some people are when they’ve had good health, and all their parts in place, and never had to face muscle fatigue, misfiring nerves, inflexibility, or any type of impairment.

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You do not have to experience a challenge to understand what it does to a person’s life through observation. You do not have to know what it feels like in order for you to use your eyes and your brain to figure out that the provision of assistance devices is necessary for a VERY LARGE percentage of people out there. Where did these perfectionists come from??? I’m cutting a lot more slack than most people who have disabilities will, by the way, because.. they are angry. I see it every day. They are tired of being mistreated for things they can’t help and shouldn’t have to feel bad about. They feel like it’s not possible for someone that has not personally experienced our lifestyle to understand one bit of it, and that is directly resultant from the people who are so abusive in the things they say. When did it become vogue to shove human beings in a corner and tell them to do nothing just because they have to adapt and do it differently? Is this impatience, or is it just a general lack of regard for someone who is seen as damaged goods? I try not to “go there” often because my focus is always on positives and what I can do, not what I “can’t” do, or dwelling on the emotion and frustration in how I constantly have to adapt in order to keep moving forward. That’s both for greater goals and my simple daily life tasks.

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I have ZERO complaints about the hand I have been dealt in life, in all seriousness. I’m not mad about where I’m at, because I am on a path that simply is mine and one that gives me the ability to reach others going through the same things. IT’S OKAY that my life isn’t perfect. This is all I know is challenges and adapting because I’ve been doing it since birth. I’m not new to illness. I’m just mad that so many people seem to think that someone is useless damaged goods if they have to find a different method to accomplish any task. In fact it makes me so mad that I think I’ll do MORE. There are things I have felt might be out of my reach. I have no hesitation in admitting that. I’m so pissed off right now though that I think I changed my mind on a few of them. Since I was a toddler I have always been that girl that you do not want to tell me I CAN’T do something because I will, and I will also bypass any bar you set for yourself or anyone else in the process, JUST to show you I mean it. I am absolutely that stubborn. Let me tell you.. if that includes using tools and assistive devices, you can bet your bottom dollar I WILL. I don’t care what it is. I’ve been off my feet and needed a wheelchair. I have crawled when I had to. I’ve needed and used canes. I’ve been through round after round of painful and frustrating physical therapy. I’VE DONE ALL THAT. So far all of the BS prognoses about what I would not be able to do again has been proven wrong, so what else you got?? Shouldn’t be chopping, indeed.

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Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t or shouldn’t do something just because it doesn’t meet their standards of acceptable methods. They don’t have to walk (or roll) around in your body. They don’t know. They’ve probably never had something basic taken away and wondered if they would ever get it back, or had to realize that it was likely or even definite they wouldn’t. I know I have written about this before. It bears repeating. That conversation stirred some embers for me. If I bought those lies I wouldn’t be out hiking and getting my fitness back. I’d still be on the floor.

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If you’re able-bodied, be grateful. If you’re not, still be grateful. Whichever you are, if you have some preconceived notions about the definition of a challenged life or life with a disability, and you think that there are hard limits at every turn, please bother to educate yourself better – for your own good as well as respect for others. There are far more things that we CAN choose to do than those that legitimately can stop us from participation. “Can’t” usually really means won’t.

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T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/06/24/im-challenged-not-dead/feed/012112403_990464347677789_4692435615644427349_ntalagleskaThe Value of Choiceshttps://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/04/23/the-value-of-choices/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/04/23/the-value-of-choices/#respondSat, 23 Apr 2016 02:59:07 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1331]]>We all make choices according to the goals we have in mind. Whether it’s formally set or something you never share with others, the paths you choose are always influenced by where you want to end up… assuming it’s a genuine heart’s desire. You can fool yourself in the forefront of your mind, but you can’t fool reality. Your choices are affecting.

There are so many things that I would like to be doing, were I allowing impulsive behavior. I made a decision about some things that I want and those require disciplines, not impulses. For some people it’s more important to them to indulge culinary whims, or spend on entertainment, and if that’s what you do then just own it because it’s obvious to everyone anyway. I’ll be sincerely concerned about your well-being if you are careless about the way that you eat, but I’ll at least respect you for being honest about it. We all spend time, energy, and money on frivolous things to one degree or another, and to each their own in that area. Only the very wealthy can do it all, obviously… so the rest of us have to pick specific directions. I am an intertribal dancer and Pow Wows are my one real social connection outside of the online world, and my culture is extremely important to me so it’s good to spend time around other Native people. That’s about all I do besides my training right now in fact, and even that has taken a back seat. I’ve missed several very local events that it just made my heart ache to have to decline attendance. I am however in a hard fight right now to regain balance in my fitness, which directly affects my health conditions, and will totally derail my project goals if I don’t take serious measures.

I am investing in having a better future, better quality of life. Sick TWICE this year already. A cold… and then Influenza A… and feeling truly grateful for no secondary infections. There was a time in my life when that was an expected outcome every single time I caught something. That one improvement is monumental to me. I didn’t need antibiotics. I am however left very fatigued. It’s taking time to recover.

I often miss movies and opt to wait till it’s on Netflix. I miss Pow Wows and just touch base with people online as much as I can. There was an airshow on a recent weekend that I wanted for months to attend but I had to set that aside to stay out of the wind and dust because I’m still coughing. This year was a long awaited super bloom in Death Valley and I was planning to finally go… and then… the flu happened. I quite literally cried a lot of tears over that one. I was not well enough in time. It was 10 years between the last two so who knows when I will have that opportunity again. There are things that someone healthy can choose to take a pill, bundle up, make up sleep later, skip meals or eat junk, etc. etc… and just do, but if I did that it could be devastating in the backlash. So I make choices. Right now a lot of those choices have to do with saying no to social gatherings in favor of energy to get trail walks in. I cannot do both. My focus has to be in one place, especially right now. If someone is a pro athlete, everybody gets that… but they’re not always so understanding for someone like me. This is not something that everyone will understand because if your experience has always been having resilient energy (which is normal), you won’t have a grasp of how chronic fatigue takes over. It’s not resolved instantly by a good night’s rest and anyone that has lived with having it truly wishes that it were that simple. So for someone like me it is a constant routine of having to pick and choose. Often I feel like others will feel slighted like I don’t think they are important. It doesn’t matter if that’s only my perception… it’s how I feel. The truth is that if I don’t take care of this right now… of ME right now… I won’t be able to do anything with anyone. I feel flattened and stalled out and I have to fix that. I do not consider it a good place in life to set up camp. I am trying to claw my way out.

Some decisions are harder than others. I loved having my gym membership initially. Then they closed my location and moved it down the road to a new building and ruined everything. The small pool is indoors. I don’t need to breathe chlorine fumes – I walked in there and it was bad. The treadmills have TVs instead of fans. ??? I have a laundry list of complaints that I won’t go into right now but I left my first visit there deflated, disappointed, and unhappy. I made the decision that a home gym was a better investment so I am dropping my membership. I don’t want to but until finances improve it’s the best choice, because I can’t have both right now. I’m unhappy about the corner it put me in but what could I do? Half the reason I joined the place was the outdoor pool. That’s gone… so there it is. Like so many things, I have to make adjustments again so that I can move forward.

So many mornings before I even open my eyes I am asking myself, “Why am I doing this?” It’s not that I’ve forgotten, or that I don’t have a purpose. It’s just… a very hard thing I am doing. I’ve been asked why I am pushing myself in the way that I am, so that question sometimes bounces back from my own brain. If I don’t have purpose in life that is something that I love in the depths of my soul though, what do I have? From my perspective I don’t yet have the kind of accomplishments that are meaningful… not to me. Maybe just not enough.. or not recent enough. Plus I have all of these other people that I love so very much who want to see me get to the top of Half Dome too, and share that experience with them. So that’s why. It takes me a few minutes once I am up in the morning to center on that.

For the most part all participants in that hike are training and preparing separately as we all live in different cities. Eventually we’ll get some time together but it hasn’t happened very much yet. It just hasn’t all fallen in place quite yet. I know that it will. Some of you have NO idea what I’m talking about because I keep some of my personal life separate from my public campaign and a lot of things private because I too need respite. Various areas of my writing will speak to some people but not others, as always.

In some social circles there is a lot that I am not engaging or responding to right now. I made the decision that my energy is better directed to getting my balance back and speaking about the purpose, and the advocacy projects, rather than being sidetracked into the many irritations that come with life with chronic illness. Many of those things can be easily resolved by not associating with the most negative individuals anyway. I never keep long lists of friends in social media for that reason anyway. Conflicts are bound to occur if you let it get too out of hand. That’s not something that I can deal with right now, and not something that I want to deal with, ever. There has been a lot of introspection for a few days and very little real conversation with anyone. If I’ve only recently given you links to things like my blogs, Twitter account, etc. it is because I am trusting you and inviting you to get to know who I am now and what I do.

Some people never learn to walk away from conflict. As an old BBSer, I’ve seen it a lot over the last 28 years. There are some topics on which I will take a stand when it comes to disabilities and catastrophic illness, if it relates to rights and respect, but at some point you have to know if you are speaking to a brick wall. Some people simply do not care. Karma has their address too though… so don’t sweat that. (That’s also not an invitation to consider that idea gleefully. It’s not your business what happens to them.) Maybe they just aren’t “there” yet. Let it go. Your job is to make sure that your actions are correct. If they actually are, that too will be seen – WITHOUT you having to broadcast it. Sometimes it’s also good to stop and take stock of what you are doing.. just to be sure. That’s about purpose, goals, steps taken, methods, everything. You are the one in charge of which life experiences will receive your investment of energy. Make healthy choices for both your mind and your body. Do it for the right reasons.

Today I feel torn down. The week has been difficult when I don’t feel it should have been. All I can do is start again tomorrow. I’m not looking for any excuses and neither should you.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/04/23/the-value-of-choices/feed/012106744_10153744845394529_8224079975088075949_ntalagleskaMariposa Climes Project Update 2016https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/mariposa-climes-project-update-2016/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/mariposa-climes-project-update-2016/#respondTue, 29 Mar 2016 04:08:26 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1259]]>To catch everyone up that may be new to this, I’m going to share the backstory first. Then I’m going to outline what we are doing, where we are at, and the current state of the Half Dome hike project.

A little over a decade ago, I was planning a trip to Yosemite with my family. Having stared at Half Dome most of my life, and seen pictures from when my father hiked that trail, I decided that I wanted to take it on. A documentary I watched included someone hiking Half Dome on their 70th birthday and I decided I can certainly do that for my 40th. I was working towards that goal, getting back into fit shape for it (I’ve been camping and hiking my whole life but this is a big task to bite off), and then a tremendous health crash hit me. My health has never been fantastic, and I’ve always had issues to manage, but this was the worst slide into dysfunction I’ve ever had and a place I plan to never end up again. Systemic Lupus, among other things emerged. In 2007 when I was turning 40, instead of making arrangements for that adventure, I was recovering from not being able to even stand up most of the year before. The previous 2 years when I would have been training, instead I was battling incapacitating pain without any answers as to why. In my 40th year all I cared about was being able to walk again. I’d been left without any hope of EVER hiking a trail again. To be honest, I’d given up. That’s the dark pit I talk about sometimes.. and climbing out of it was not easy. It took everything in me to regain myself, motivation to live, desire to fight, and the center to find any belief that I could take care of myself again – without being doped out of my gourd on medications. It took me years to get back to a point where I could even consider this trip again. I was fighting first to just be able to stand in the kitchen and cook myself a meal… to be able to drive my car… It’s all the things most of us take for granted until something this catastrophic hits.

A little over two years ago I realized that the personal changes I had made were making a bigger difference. Bigger than anything any Dr had said to me or offered. Between SLE, Fibromyalgia, and then the diagnosis of a heart condition, I was more afraid of what NOT doing something could do to me than doing something. I live with a lot of pain, for anyone that doesn’t know this about me. I have always had pain, even as a child, but it’s my normal. I’ve never known any other life. While most of my friends in the Lupus community are talking about wishing to go back to who they were before, I don’t have that clear of a distinction. The difference for me has only been about whether I was young and strong enough to power through it like I used to. I’m not anymore. Now I have to adapt and take special care of my body so that it doesn’t turn on itself and try to kill itself. That’s what it boils down to. Autoimmune disease means your own immune system is the enemy. It attacks healthy systems in the host body. They suspect that’s why my heart is damaged. I say I am fortunate that’s “all” that is damaged… and people look at me funny, but hey it’s controlled with meds now. My kidneys aren’t failing. I’m on my feet. I’d call that fortunate and blessed. So what I did was I started walking again, pain and all. I started walking to the end of my block and back. I kept doing that till it was easy, and then walked it twice, and then three times… and you know if you follow me that I went on from there to much more. I decided along the way that I still want what was taken away from me. That opportunity – and I have missed so many, especially during the decade of being so very ill – was still MY choice. I gave myself 4 years to train.

This is still first and foremost a personal goal and a family trip. This is something I am doing with my brother, because we missed a lot of opportunities to do these things together over the years as well. It’s also more than that now, and that’s why it has become the project that it is. Since the start of this I’ve been making videos of various types, and blogging, and running Facebook Pages for information and community support. This is both to educate the public about rheumatic autoimmune disease and women’s heart disease, AND to teach those within the community that the diagnosis does not mean your life is over. I have proven in my own life – as have a few of my closest friends – that making food your first medicine, and fighting to regain physical activity, makes a world of difference in quality of life for us. Catastrophic illness takes a person down mentally and emotionally as well as physically, and it’s a full-on war… Adaptation and a life of no excuses is the only way to manage it. That’s a hard message to hear for some people. It took me time too. I am tremendously grateful for the support I have from my brother, my friends old and new, and even people that I have only talked to in passing that have offered words of encouragement. There are days when that is needed more than you know.. because this is scary. Really scary. It’s also more exciting and important than I have words to describe.

I am taking on this hike (and all the others I’ve done and will do) not just for myself but for everyone that it’s just too strenuous a task for them to do it. I carry them in my heart and bring back the images to share. I also do this for the friends I have lost to this disease. There are days when I look at photos of Kymira Jones and wish she were still here cracking jokes with me, keeping me giggling. I do this for the future diagnosed who will walk into this as bewildered and exhausted as I did 6 years ago, trying to understand a whole new world of terminology and information that is simply overwhelming at times. I do it to hopefully inspire someone else to take back their life or at least pieces of it, and find their way back to themselves.

That’s what Mariposa Climes is. It’s about transformation and rebirth, adapting into something new to survive. It’s about a climate of expectation of that renewal, and creating an environment that leads you into a new beauty.

I started 2016 badly, to be right to the point. I got through Winter better than the last and stayed somewhat active and then I got sick Christmas Day with a cold. Then when I was back on my feet from that I got slammed hard by Influenza A. I’m still coughing. I went through more pain with that than I can describe to you and I’m just glad that part is over… so now I’m fighting to recover again and get my lungs right. I am training with Fall 2017 still in mind but allowing a buffer zone. IF… big if… but just if it is absolutely necessary, we will bump Yosemite to Spring 2018. I won’t keep that in the forefront of my mind because it’s not my first choice. It’s just there if needed. Prayers and positive thoughts are welcomed and appreciated.

The only invitations I have given at present outside of my family are to two people that I know well enough to know they are fit and can be trusted. Holland, my best friend of over 30 years who has been like a sister to me, and a newer and dear friend, Lisa (and their spouses of course if they are available and so inclined). I am about to extend the invitation to one other person that I have known a VERY long time as well. I’m not taking requests from people to join in even though this is in part a Lupus Awareness project for many reasons. Just trust me when I say that this has to have a lot of careful planning and considerations involved. I spent a lot of time evaluating before offering the invitations that I have put out. The only reason I’m addressing this now is because it’s about to become a lot more visible. Crowdfunding has to happen this year. So there’s that. This is a documented project. There will be video. It’s going to be epic.

I am reminded of things from the past sometimes that are as encouraging and motivating as anything current. I recently reconnected socially with one of my best friends of many years ago, my first hiking buddy. This is someone that has seen me go the miles even when I was in tremendous pain and exhausted and overheated. They’ve been through very dark nights in deep woods with me as well. They’ve seen me struggle and improvise, and I can remember being goaded into taking things on that I felt uncertain about too. That makes me laugh because it helped me learn to take chances, embrace opportunities. Part of their words to me on this project were, “I know you/your strength and you can overcome any obstacle.” It came with a reminder that the place is sacred ground too.. and most people don’t realize that this is a spiritual journey as much as anything else for me. As a First Nations woman, that has to be acknowledged. This one person remembers that about me and knows why this is so important. That helped focus something in me that has been out of whack since 2016 began. Thank you, my Friend.

Whatever you are reaching for, keep going. The harder it seems now, the greater the reward will be when you get there. It’s a lot of steps but the view at the top is spectacular.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/mariposa-climes-project-update-2016/feed/011659391_929068947150663_1537557007669400553_ntalagleskaWhenever You Get Therehttps://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/03/26/whenever-you-get-there/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/03/26/whenever-you-get-there/#respondSat, 26 Mar 2016 20:36:13 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1207]]>We all go through stages where we hit walls and recognized the poor choices of the past. When it comes to things that affect our health, it’s more common than not to feel that if everything seems tolerably managed for now, why worry? It is actually a very small percentage of people that get away with that into their old age (assuming they get there), and a lot of people that you observe and think they are “fine” are not all that fine. They tend not to advertise what their choices have done to their bodies. It’s a good front. Whether they are taking medication for various issues or not, the problems are there. There are certain mile-markers at which it becomes more and more clear. Trust me however when I say that nobody stamped you with a precise expiration date.

Change is choice. Earlier is better, but that’s not a hard limit. The longer we let ourselves be complacent about the eventual results of poor choices, the harder the consequences are, but that doesn’t mean you are SOL and should just throw in the towel. It’s also not a time to beat yourself up over everything once it has become very clear to you there is a problem. That’s very easy to do, but it’s 0% productive. Have that moment if you need to and lament the loss of opportunities wasted, but when you’re done (and make it brief) dust yourself off and face forward. Very rarely is a bad prognosis meaningful in the life of an individual that makes a decision to prove better. We have plenty of fantastic examples around us every day like Richard Simmons, who is famous for telling people to start wherever they are at and do whatever they are able – and he speaks from personal experience. He demolished the stereotypical idea that only fit people exercise and anyone else should hide themselves in shame. We have Tony Little, who recovered from a horrific accident and provided the world with a great exercise device that has helped many others do the same. We have so many pro athletes that have either recovered completely from serious damage, or learned to adapt to the things they could not fully repair. I have even seen people choose that point where their whole life changed to THEN become a real beast. It’s the people like Simmons, Little, Jeb Corliss, Lonnie Bissonette, Kurt Yaeger, Karina Hollekim, Mark Urquhart, Lucky Yogi, Trevor Thomas, and so many more that I could name – including various Lupus warriors like myself that refuse to lie down and quit – that I look to for reminders every day. What all of these individuals possess is not only personal focus, but a willingness to share their story to show others what CAN BE DONE. It doesn’t matter if the topic is life in a wheelchair, or pulmonary and cardiovascular disease, or autoimmune and neurological disease. The process is the same, and it starts between your ears. If you have to be mad, be mad enough to fix yourself. Don’t turn it on yourself because that is only destructive. You’re still the same wonderful, valuable, individual with great potential in life.

If you’re new to this vast community of challenged individuals… first of all, I’m sorry. I know it sucks. That goes for every type of disability, injury, or chronic illness. It’s not a community that I enjoy welcoming people into at all. I wish I could kick everybody out of it, but that’s not within our power. What IS within our power is to make the choices starting from right now to improve our own quality of life. Every day I see people that have just given up, and too often it is because they have been taught to view their physicians as the final authority in all matters medical. It’s defeating to be told you have a framework outside of which you are no longer allowed, and what’s more important is…. it’s INACCURATE. You’re the only one living in that body 24/7 that can make the decisions about what will affect it and what you will do with it. The unfortunate truth about health challenges is that you will commonly find Drs that are less interested in working with you for a self-determined positive outcome. You are much more likely to get the 15-20 minute max appointment where they pronounce the ills, hand you pills, and breeze off to something else. If that’s your Dr, either collar them and explain that you need more than that… better than that… or get rid of them and find someone more suitable to your needs that will genuinely support you. This is your LIFE we’re talking about here. If you want to live another 30 years and they’re trying to sell you on less than half that, you need to walk away. If you still have a bucket list of adventurous activities that you haven’t fulfilled, don’t let them make you think you have to cram it all into the next year or two. You probably don’t. That applies whether it’s skydiving (yeeee! lol) or having an herb harden you always wanted. Roll up your sleeves and get to educating yourself. Choose to regain some control.

Be aware also that all change is stressful. Good changes create stress. Successes are stressful. You can make a bunch of positive changes and be seeing results, and still be hit with an emotional bomb from time to time over it. Sometimes it is simply the fear of not doing enough, or feeling like it is a lot to live up to and keep doing. You’re normal. That’s just a human, emotional reaction. Acknowledge it. Keep going. If no one has told you yet today, I will…. you’re fabulous. If you are doing anything to improve your life, and it matters to you, you are doing great. Also… I am still here. I will be. I have dedicated a large portion of my life to helping others through educational awareness regarding chronic illness like rheumatic autoimmune disease, and women’s heart disease, and to the advocacy and support that everyone in the community needs in learning to rebuild that quality of life. It bears repeating what I have said before so many times. This is not about the number of years you can squeeze out of your body. It’s about quality first, and the years will naturally follow. Barring stepping in front of a bus anyway… so please look both ways before crossing.

I offer consistency. If you’ve known me for at least two years, then you know this about me. The information I’ve been sharing for the last 5 years is going to remain valid and available. If it only just now became important to you, you will get no harsh judgments from me. I will only tell you that I am happy that you are now heading in the right direction and I will do everything that I can to help you. If you’re not there yet, I’ll still be your friend and be here when it becomes your reality. One of the many things my illness has taught me is that my experience is valuable to more than just me. I could selfishly and silently find solutions and just fix me. My conscience wouldn’t let me sleep well if I did that. I am much happier when I know that someone else has been helped as well.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/03/26/whenever-you-get-there/feed/0OpportunitiestalagleskaFocus on Passion, Not Poisonhttps://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/01/07/focus-on-passion-not-poison/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/01/07/focus-on-passion-not-poison/#respondThu, 07 Jan 2016 00:43:32 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1158]]>The year started rough for a lot of people. Many of us have been ill – colds, flu, secondary infections like pneumonia, bronchitis, strep – and the fatigue and pain that comes with Winter weather changes for those of us that have rheumatic autoimmune, and neurological diseases. Anyone with injuries like I have on top of that is really feeling it about now (SoCal is getting drowned at present with the second wave of storms). The barometer is not our friend some days. (We do need that rain and snow either way!)

There are a lot of financial strains as well, as we all watched our insurance premiums and medication costs take another heavy jump and with no relief in sight. I hear you. I feel you. It’s happening to me too. We are seeing deplorable events like the shooting in San Bernardino late last year (I live 6 miles from the incident and lost someone). Some of us have aging parents with health issues of concern, and that on top of taking care of our own health crises. Some days you just want to crawl back in bed and pull the covers over your head to create a cave to hide in.

That’s not happening. Acknowledge the feeling, know that it is validated, and then face forward. I am observing a lot of mental processes that should have been abandoned at the threshold of the new year and they are still being dragged around like a security blanket. It’s time to drop the focus on the negative aspects of life events, and realize that for every bad thing that happens there are 10 more great things waiting to be noticed. There are some mindsets that should be revamped.. because if you don’t, you will continue to be stuck in that mud. Do you think of your friendships as based on your illness (those of you in the Lupus community, for example)? I have to tell people all the time that I will not add them to my Facebook friend list just because we both have Lupus, or Fibromyalgia, or any of that. There has to be more to it. When I break that rule, I always end up regretting it, so I stopped. We are not connected by the pain and distress that we experience. We are connected by our willingness to fight and find solutions. We are connected by our desire to take back quality of life. Personally, I seek connections with people that also have an abiding love for natural health, the wilderness, and outdoor sports. This is most important to me at this time in my life because it is the very foundation of my campaign for awareness, and for advocacy for challenged individuals to adapt and keep on with the things they love in life. If you base a friendship on mutual suffering alone, of what do you think the relationship will consist? There has to be more. With nothing else to discuss, your conversation will always turn to the negatives – UNLESS you are partnered up with people that are also facing forward and staying in motion. Find those people. The ones that will encourage you to do more on the days when you want to crawl back under the covers and hide. The ones that will turn on a light and tell you that it’s time to get up and move. Of COURSE it’s uncomfortable. I never said it wouldn’t be.

Discomfort is a part of life. For someone with chronic illness, it’s an undeniable reality that is always right by your side. At some point you just have to accept that and embrace it, rather than constantly fighting against it and wearing yourself out. Figuring out how to adapt and manage these things is all that I do from the time I open my eyes in the morning, every day, every week, every year. My entire day is about making adjustments to accommodate changing needs. If I don’t do that, I slide backwards into the difficulty, the pain, the aggravation, and I start losing ground. It’s wasted energy to get mad about being ill. I am ill. It is what it is. Next issue? Seriously. Being angry about the hand that I have been dealt is not going to help me accomplish anything, and I have found that the only place that rage is helpful is when it is directed at getting past the problem. I talked about this in my last post of 2015 – your aim should be beyond the obstacle, not right at the face of it. Always reach farther. It’s the only way you are going to get past this.

Last year started pretty good and then went downhill, it seems. This year started rough, so maybe the rest will be decent. Keep that hopefulness in the forefront of your mind, and I guarantee that it will at least change your personal focus. Perspective is everything. Things might indeed be falling down around your ears but you can still maintain your center and not let it throw you into a panic. It works. (Those of us that embrace Asian philosophies understand it as “Zen”.)

I have seen some sentiments that I just want to throw out there for you to mull over. They are not the sort of mental rumination in which we should be engaging. I believe that many people think and say these things without considering the depth of their impact or even the real meaning of their words. The next time you read or hear it, or find yourself saying it, take a minute to reconsider. Don’t swallow the poison.

“I hate people.” “I hate humanity.” “People are horrible.” “What is wrong with people?” “Humans are disgusting.” “People are a plague on the earth.”

Gee…. thanks? The last time I checked, I was a human and I am not a horrible, disgusting person. What are you, a pampered housecat? A dog? A wild animal out in a forest somewhere? An alien, perhaps? Are you a tree? Do you hate me? Do you hate yourself? If you do, it’s time to take some serious introspective breaks and figure out what is going on in your head. You will end up committing a slow suicide if that’s really what you think about yourself and everyone that you know. It’s no wonder I see so many people just not giving a damn about exercise and eating right. They hate themselves and they are swallowing both the proverbial and the literal poisons. Yep, I said it. You are poisoning yourself. I’d like to tell you to stop it but you have the free will to make choices of your own. This is why I have the blogs, the Facebook pages, and the YouTube videos set up for encouragement and health information as well as awareness. It’s there when you decide to stop being a self-destructive masochist.

Stop labeling every single person on the planet with the horrors committed by a few.

Think about how you are phrasing these things. It matters.

At the very least, learn to insert the word “some” into those sentences up there. I too am guilty of talking about the things that happen in life that I “hate”, and they do exist. Some days though, we have to check ourselves and find a better focal point. Get it out of your system if you have to rant and yell a bit, but then let that be the therapeutic purge and be done with it. Don’t camp out there and keep stoking the fire. When it’s a situation that you have to resolve (ergo you have to keep thinking about it), you can still keep moving forward rather than giving up and throwing a hissy fit in the middle of the wreckage for weeks and months.. even years on end. It’s no different for anyone on the planet. We all have to do it. Life contains portions of both hardships and summits for all of us.

I’m sure this chastisement won’t make me popular with everyone but I’m not here to be popular. I’m here to shine a light on a path that will save a few people from a wasted chance at life. I’m here to lead by example and show you what can actually work. I could sit back and write about it and do nothing. What would that accomplish? I put myself through a lot not just for my own goals but to provide a tangible example of what works. I would have no right to simply say this is the way if I weren’t walking it. Guess what? I am walking it. The fact that I am literally walking at all these days is proof of that.

I have watched friends commit slow suicides over the years. Excuse me if I don’t want to see it happen repeatedly. So I surround myself with others that are pulling in the same direction that I am, or at the very least that I believe sincerely want to and are willing to do the work to get there. When you find your niche, you figure out that there is a reciprocal exchange between the things that go on in your mind and the activities that you execute with your body. They have to be in a partnership – just like you have to be partnered with other people that have the same aims in their heart. Some days it’s about putting one foot in front of the other. That’s how I get up steep and difficult spots in a trail, by the way… I look down just ahead of my feet rather than up the hill. I keep my focus on the next couple of steps all the way up so that I don’t feel overwhelmed, and that is exactly the way that you should be making positive changes in your life in general. You know what the majority of things that you are doing wrong are and what you need to do in order to start making necessary changes. When you hit one that is perplexing… ask someone for help. I am always open for conversation about health issues. If I don’t have an answer, I’ll suggest a direction or bring in a friend that knows more about that specific area. That’s EXACTLY WHY WE NETWORK, my friends! There is always someone else that has been through it or is going through it, and has figured a few things out. You have to be willing to seek the answers and solutions. They’re not going to fall into your lap with those donut crumbs. Sorry, not sorry.

I love humanity. I love my friends. They are wonderful, beautiful, imaginative, powerful, amazing, and complex creatures with a lot to offer. Human beings are awe-inspiring and fantastic. Even those lost over the last couple of years left with me some cherished memories that I can call upon when I hit a rough patch. The confidence that a few have placed in me is heart-warming and precious. You won’t find that in those that are burying themselves in the mud, so remember this. Seek friendships with people that are headed in the direction that you wish to travel. Let go of the ones that are dragging you backwards. They may just realize they are alone and turn around once you do so.

Be an example of passion rather than poison. It’s better for you, better for them. Partner up with others that are passionate about the right things.

T

]]>https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2016/01/07/focus-on-passion-not-poison/feed/0Boss vs LeadertalagleskaBoss vs LeaderBeyond the Point of Contacthttps://talastracks.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/beyond-the-point-of-contact/
https://talastracks.wordpress.com/2015/12/29/beyond-the-point-of-contact/#respondTue, 29 Dec 2015 23:25:09 +0000http://talastracks.wordpress.com/?p=1144]]>I’m ending the year fighting to recover from a head cold. After 14 months of not even a sniffle (last virus was October 2013), I finally got hit with something. I’m just determined to feel better and not start the new year with this thing.

Last Winter I stalled out. I wasn’t able to exercise much, and I lost traction. I found myself losing ground on training and very frustrated until Spring finally arrived 9 months ago. I made the most I could of Spring, and Summer, and Fall, and when the weather started to turn again, I kept moving as best I could. This time I am determined to keep better momentum and I am finding myself in a better place for it. There was some lag. I’m pulling out of it – in spite of this head cold that decided Christmas Day was a good time to show up. This is one of the hardest things someone with rheumatic autoimmune and neurological conditions has to do.. keep moving when everything in you wants to stop. Winter brings that home to us vividly.

To sum up 2015… Not that any year really is, but it wasn’t exactly what I expected. I lost a lot of people over the last two years to everything from suicide and illness to accident and terrorist attack. I don’t think there is a way to really process all of that. Sometimes you just have to get back up and keep going. Every year is going to have it’s highs and lows, and it’s just our responsibility to dwell in the positive energy of the better moments and try to coast through the rough patches. That’s the choice I keep making anyway.

I was about to add that I have “lost friends” this year as well. I don’t mean they died. I mean they chose to walk off in a huff. I have to amend that thought however and say that for the reasons they chose (which are sometimes rather mysterious), they were not actually friends. They wanted to act like they were but the lack of sincerity in storming off without communication, blocking in Facebook like I will stalk them or something ridiculous, and all that goes with that behavior tells me otherwise. I am at the point now where I am telling people that do this, it’s your loss. Bye. I don’t have time for games. I don’t have the energy for pretense. I don’t have room in my life for facades. If you don’t actually want a friendship, and you are incapable of communication, don’t bother trying to start with me. Don’t waste anyone’s time. I don’t tolerate dishonesty and I had one person this year lie about leaving Facebook and block me (and at least one other person), which is just childish. Stop it already. Learn to communicate. Did you think I wouldn’t know about it? Please. I ALWAYS find things out. Always. It’s both a blessing and a curse. Be that as it may… be here, or don’t. It’s a choice – just like whether you want some quality of life back or not. As we move forward with various projects, my supporters need other sincere participants beside them as much as I do. The second I see the venues I provide being abused, I will shut the problem down. None of my loyal friends and supporters deserve to be mistreated any more than myself. Even the Facebook pages that I run are provided to be a healthy environment for inspiration, focus, introspection, and contact points with others that have the same forwardly motivated goals of attaining a better quality of life – thriving in spite of the challenges. It’s about learning to live alongside the things you have to adapt to managing, and choosing not to give up on having a life at all. If anyone doesn’t “get” this about me yet, they are not listening. It’s time to start paying attention. This is EVERYTHING TO ME.

You can walk. You do not have to be my friend. You do not have to be my supporter. You do not have to partner with me in any way, shape, or form. It’s a choice. If you are going to be here, I ask that you be sincere. Thank you to those that can and do. I may or may not lose more friends…. “friends”… over this, but I really don’t have a lot of time to handhold at this point. (In no way does that mean I am not available for helping people that are serious. I just mean I don’t have it in me to placate anyone that makes intentional bad choices over and over.) I am halfway through the 4 years set aside to prepare for Half Dome. I was right about how long it would take me, in spite of many people trying to say otherwise. I know what it takes to train with an uncooperative and chronically ill body that has injuries to work around as well. Trust me, it’s going to be 2017. So I have a little less than two years. I am happy to welcome my sweet friend Lisa to my team (barring any disasters between now and then that change her plans), and look forward to having her along on the hike. I have watched her progress and accomplishments and I know that she is not only quite capable, but she is someone that I can trust in a wilderness setting to know her own limits – when to push, when not to. Trust is not something I hand out freely. I am deeply impressed with her as a motivated individual and as a Friend as well. She is among a very few that truly understand at the core what I am doing. This hike started off as a personal goal and a family trip only, about a decade ago. It is now much more important as it has also become part of the awareness campaign for both autoimmune diseases and women’s heart disease. For me to extend the invitation to include someone, they have done something major to earn my respect. Lisa has more than done so.

So this is the part where I tell you that there will be tough love messages in 2016. I don’t like to be off-putting when avoidable, but I did not get to where I am now by dwelling in the dark places or focusing on problems. That is a far too popular bad habit these days. The only focus you should ever place on a problem is a directed beam of problem-solving energy that makes you want to bust through it and find a better path on the other side of it. In martial arts training you learn that you are not striking a surface or an opponent at the point of the impact. Your aim is past that point of contact. If you want quality of life and to stay in motion, that is the type of momentum that you need – your aim has to be beyond the obstacle, not right at the face of it. If you pull up short, you will always be stuck. Not only that; you will probably take quite a beating. Remember this.. because no one has promised that 2016 will be any easier.

If I am blunt, it is because I care. If I did not care about anyone’s well-being, I would not be spending time documenting projects, editing video (VERY time-consuming), writing blogs, posting research on FB pages, sharing what I’ve done successfully for better health, encouraging others to find their path, answering questions when someone has one – and always happy to do so! – or inviting people to not only see what works but the pain I have to walk through for it at times. This is outreach. This is real. Looking ahead I have hopes to exit 2016 with an even stronger base of friendships, a much larger following, and having reached several preliminary goals that I have set. I have hope that the people I am looking at right now are what I believe them to be.

Each new year can be a sort of clean slate. It doesn’t matter if you use markers, pencils, paint, or crayons, mark it up gloriously. Use all of your colors. Make a mess if you want to, as long as it was fun and beautiful in some way. Make efforts. Make mistakes. Fail a few times. Get up and fail again. You’ll figure out which methods don’t work until you find the one that does. Keep aiming past those moments when something didn’t work. Beyond it – I promise – is the one that does.