Wednesday, June 23, 2010

As usual when I'm upset or bit drunk (now I left this habit :-@ ), I used to call you or sms you. I know sometime you hate me and become intolerable because of only one question and one person I always asked to you. Here, I'm talking about a friend cum brother of me who always stood for me but I no longer stand for him because of many reasons...

I know how I'm fortunate to have so many people to love me, yet I'm being so demanding and aggressive all the time. I hope so. Well, I'm also missing you brother and wish we can talk all those bullshits which we can never share with others...like you teaching me how I should treat my own life and many other things about life ...
Well, you do everything for me, buy my favorite earrings when you come back from office tour but there was one thing you said you can't buy for meh!! That's something impossible I fall for all the time. That's about something entrenched deep inside me but you hate to talk about. Now you might be thinking that why I forgot all those misdeeds and how come i'm being so friendly. But nothing is changed to meh. Why I 'm doing is to show that I have no space for him anymore and I have moved on from everything...I'm strong enough to stand alone...

I'm living a new life with new dreams & hope which is so beautiful, dreamy, refreshing...not gloomy at all...I no longer wish to drink like i did last year and belive me I don't cry at all...so you are not receiving those emotional sms from me....In fact I have started looking life from a different angle now..I'm now not pulling after something which is not going to happen in my life...I'm sure about the good things gonna come in my ways and yeah I'm working hard in every perspective of life to shine just the you want me to see...like you said I don't feel angry anymore with anybody or anything...Yes, nothing is so important and so valuable than giving value to yourself..thats what I learnt from you..I'm just too busy with my life and pursuing all those things which I wanted to do in life....thank you so much for all those tips you have given me to give best output in my professional life...you know I'm just happy to have you around always...take care...I'm sorry for my blunt words when you called last time....i know I should not speak to you in that way..but I'm angry with you because of so many things..that you know obviously...but please don't scold me OK..we can talk about the simple things which won't make us hate each other....!!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Wanna go to sleep now but could not close my eyes....have so many things to do tomorrow. Have to wake up in the early morning and final visit to school for brother's admission. I had a great evening today helping my yougest brother to do his project work for summer vaccation.. I had to go through history, geography and all those kiddy stories to complete his project. Moreover I had time to interact with them. For so long I could not even talk to them for a hour because of office, my class and my habit of being lost in my own dream. I felt from a long time I have lost my mental peace because of many things. To gain something I have to loss something...I'm buying some peace this time...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Living life in a metro is like paying toll tax in every step you take. Sometime I don't know how my days started and ended. It becomes same everyday while running here and there and trying to cope up with so many things in your head. I'm rather become a walking talking robot from so many days. I just talked and walked so fast in order to complete everything in a given time.

Finally I'm at peace as my brother's registration for admission is done. Running for school admission in Delhi is like a pain in the ass...neither you can sit nor can you sleep..so restless from so many days. Above all these I got so frustrated seeing my brother's class X mark sheet and started breaking out all my frustration when every school turn down for registration. System has been made so stagnant that you are not given a chance to enter the school and talk to concerned person. Every school I got only one answer that's we don't take student from outside states and seeing our face is another backdrop as they still suffer from the syndrome that NE people come with quota and the cant read and write.

Should I thank myself for my presence of mind this time? In the right time I wrote letter to Education (S) office and requested him to forward the request to the school. Thank God!! He listens unlike others and finally the school principal accepted and let us registered for admission. Not again please, I'm too tired with all this bhagam bhagg.....I need a big break and planning to spend some good time in a hilly state with my friends in Delhi and buy some peace and silence..that’s the need of the hour for me now. I really don't know how I'm executing the things and I'm really going mad through out the year while coping up so many things..but now I know what should I prioritize now...one of the best habit I have own now is shortening my phone conversation....I can no longer speak to phone more than 10 minutes these days..I got so bored talking to the phone or else feel so sleepy....so most of the time I shorten the talk...sorry to my friends whom I used to talk for hours and hours.... Hmm have I learnt some diplomacy finally from my near and dear ones? Let’s see for how long I can maintain this...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Humans are one of the most amazing creature I'm witnessing. I'm no longer surprise with the monuments, no longer enjoying the animal circus show and in fact I enjoy the game going around the globe played and participated by humans only.

Humans make God, they teach how to pray and then they force people how to follow on that blah blah. When I was at home every morning and evening I followed the routine prayer in Lainingthou and Leimarembi and not even a single day I felt that God/goddess and all those prayers are hypocracy. But from a long time I don't even wish to bow my head in front an idol in the big temples in the crowded Delhi which is owned by obssessed followers. In Delhi there is no place to sleep by the beggers and half of the citizen in Delhi spend their life in the footpath but every gali has a temple for the rich to wash their sin.

How I come up with this post is after reading the post in Spicy IP dismissing the PIL filed against patenting "Tirupati laddu" in favour of the commitee who looks after the Tirupati temple. What makes me funny is about all these game of making God, temple, Laddu and then protection of luddu ultimately. Good, we are too advanced now, God also get patent certificate in the coming age and the owner will be donned with monopoly right to earn profits for a given period of time . The most surprising thing which stops me from entering temple is for asking money for praying to the God. I stop entering temples since then we were asked to book ticket and gave 200 bucks per person in the Kamakhya Mandir in Assam. All my friends went in to pray, believing that its a golden opportunity to visit inside the temple by giving 150 bucks after bargaining in the Kamakhya temple but I come back home after abandoning my believe in God and its followers.

What I witness in Delhi is different types of "Homo sapiens". One travel in the luxiourous car, lived in the huge banglow, another group travel in the local commuters and live in a small flat and still managing to take part in the social norms. The last category don't look like human from anywhere. Only thing left is that they have physical similarity in lookwise. They have such a poor state of life, seeing them dogs must be laughing at them. The people here also treat them like dogs and cows only, in fact dogs and cows are more sympathise than those people in footpath.

Seeing the colourful page of Times of India make me felt every morning that Oh! India is such a rich country and full of enjoyment everywhere. And all those big talks of politicians and donations to the poor 3rd world countries like Burma. But at the moment I also remember my poor state made up of probelms with no solutions for so long. The half naked women and men sticking to each other just like lazy spiders to get the trademark of high class society in the page 3 photographs really make me felt pity for them. They won't give a damn of one human leaking their shoes to feed the hunger stomach but you can find them kissing their pocket dogs and cleaning the dog's shit in the TV and reality show.

OMG!! reality show are aweful!! India's real asset is Rakhi Sawant and the V-grade bollywood heroines. V stands for vulgarity. Every TV chennel own at least one V-grad heroin to sell more TRP. News chennel are more pathetic than reality shows. They repeat the same show if you wish to follow some news. Everyday I checked every news chennel to see if they forecast some news of economic blocked which led to the force fasting of 30 lakhs people in Manipur. But everyday I'm disappointed but still keep checking the news. How much our Home Minister Chidambaram worried about the attack to Sri Sri Ravi Shanker. He gave a live speech regarding the issue and on the spot gave his opinion.

Just keep thinking though it is impossible. Why don't we also hired Rakhi Sawant and do a protest to lift the blocked. I hope for sure the centre will come to a solution with Muviah and end the story. Seeing the present situation what I remember everyday is the story of two cats and one monkey which we study in the primary school. Here the Centre govt. taking the role of Monkey and of course Muviah as a cunning cat who falls into the trap of monkey and other cat who is just weeping without having any defence while his stomach is empty. Ultimately moral of the storey was that monkey was just playing with them and eating thier share of food (roti) taking advantage of their foolishness.

Muviah want to plant a naga inhibited area in the mid of three states and consequences are no longer in the vulnarable state. Centre knows how to handle just cunning cat who can't come out with anything positive so playing the role of monkey while Ibobi is too defenceless this time. He once pop up with one statement of protesting against Muviah's visit to somdal then and now he is lost from the scene. But he is a working hero (m using in sarcastic tone), everybody can see him checking out the developing stage of buildingvof NIT and checking out there. That shows he can never compromise his "thika work". If he stops from where the money will come into his banck account? Thats a bigger concern for him than the rest of the issue.

Friday, June 4, 2010

I hate reading but loves writting random thoughts. These days I'm reading one of the most boring books so that I can have a sound sleep. When I was a kid I used to get Maths book with me in the bed and damn good sleep I used to enjoy!!!

Deprived of sleep from few nights because of filthy issues of others. Problem with me is that I can't keep a double standard secret. Sometime I could not believe my eyes and I become numb seeing the big alphabets written in my email box/phone. After thinking for two days I thought arre bahut hogaya natak abhi..sorde..let them live thier own life and be wise from next time. Then I make a smile and I keep walking in my balcony with a big cup of coffee. What I want to do now is live my own life and draw some lines around me called as distance and discretion from people around me whoever they are and how close they are to me.

There are some relations which no one can replace in one's life but I can't expect them to understand what I felt for those people who's space to me can't be substituted how bad or good they are to others. But looking back to some years back, I realised some people intentionally/unintentionally ruin some invaluable relations in life without bothering to undersatand the void it has created to me. Sad but not regretted. Life is always a journey for me and they are not my destination. You keep meeting people and leaving people and they are the one whom I left finally and close the door in my life howsoever important we were to each other.

Some people are not selfish, not money minded, not bad at heart but self obssessed and too passionate about their desire in life. That become a reason for them to intrude in some relations and break them into pieces while they tried to form a new relation with the same person. A son's space can't be replace to a mother however his wife may claim she is the most closest person to his life. Similarly some poeple have those relations with me. Niether they are my BF nor we are enjoying flirting with each other. But some simple bonding which we could never avoid of since then we all met in some unknown world but broke into invisble pieces with time remaining nothing now. I also accpet the truth that nothing is there to bring us together. They are too lost now and not in my hand.

I miss my independent life without any boundry with full of madness few years back. But my fault lies in not able to keep a distance and discretion of my personal relations and let the people enjoy the previledges and later on dump everything on my head. Suddenly these relations wither and erode, remain nothing at my end now. In fact i uprooted myself from where I belong to, for people who owe me just for their purpose in life.

Let it be. That's all I can sing and let this time pass silently from me. With time everything will be wrapped up and I know now whom should I avoid to save myself in future. Life keeps on moving and I wish with time they also move away from me without me telling to move away as I could no longer have any respect for them now. In fact I'm tired of them and I want them to see life beyond themself and if I keep on nurturing on what they want it's bad for them too....

My best wishes are always there but please don't expect me again that I'm ready to ruin any kind of relations in future because of anyone...finally I learnt it..I know what I did was no worth...when people around you are myopic.
I'll be back soon on my track to persue what I felt to do without any terms & conditions......

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I don't want to write anything today BUT I'm too much fed up with everything & everybody around. I think my day was begun in a good note then why I'm banging my own head to other's issue. Sometime writting is the best way to ease out my stress. Not necessarily it has to be a poem, story but any bullshit or crap in my blog FOR myself.. I'm doing that only.
Well, sometime I feel I don't learn easily from the mistakes and Jatkas* , life has given me so often rather I land to the same trouble and end up with a feeling oh! I'm so stupid feeling why do I mind so much in other's personnel bussiness while I don't even have time to breath for myself.

What do you usaully do to keep trust with a person? Do something look alike "you are cleasing shit of that person and at the end you are left only with shits and sitting over it while they dance on your head.

Well, I have to sit back and tight my belt now. That's the only way I can solve all the problem in my way now. I need a way to escape from all. Just trying to divert my mind to something else like should I go for shooting and swimming in Manesher or should I head to Golden Temple this weekend with my brothers or should I stay in Delhi and watch Rajneeti eating some tasteless popcorn. I might get something out of that..Hmm quite confused..

Something unrelated here again acheing my head.

"waiting for something is what I hate most and I meant it". True, I still remember this words though it is too simple and I hope if he happens to visit my blog he will also remember I'm talking about him only. A qoute of his email I have recieved 9 years back when I run away silently to Delhi and let him wait for 3 hours in the meeting place without informing.

Yes, from the last two weeks I'm waiting for XYZ result of my work but I' ve become so impatient now.