How many times have we witnessed the meltdown? Two women have an issue with one another yet run in the same circles sharing the same friends? Sooner or later someone reaches into their verbal arsenal and pulls out the secret weapon “BITCH!”

The scenario has played out on every Reality Show ever put on the air.

As a matter of general principal show producers seek and find ways to put opposing forces into a fish bowl allowing them to swim through and get tangled into pre plotted seaweed until eventually they attack each other trying to unravel their own selves from the other “bitches” seaweed.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey had two stable families with their own little peccadilloes, but not dramatic enough, enter Danielle Straub. Basketball Wives pitted Never Wives against Casual Lovers. Divorcee’s and Half Assed Girlfriends, Love & Hip Hop had Chrissy vs. Yandy, Jim’s Mom, Kimbrella and any other woman with breasts who “got in Chrissy’s way.” The Real Housewives of Atlanta just took turns “hating” on each other until the Monster “Bitch” arose in wanna be villain Nene Leakes. Look at the mermaids of The Bachelor, The Real World, All the Housewives in all the Cities, and America’s Next Top Model. Need we even delve into the hotassmessness of the Bad Girls Club? Executives took away all pretense of illusion and just dropped women in desperate need of Anger Management into an arena with the clear objective of offing each other until the last “baddest bitch” is standing.

The string of familiarity laced throughout all of these melodrama’s is the strong desire to embrace the word “bitch.”

She’s a simple “bitch”, She ain’t nothing but a broke “bitch”, She’s a plain ole “bitch”. “I will snatch that raggedy “bitch” bald! “Bitch” who you talking to?

Although it makes for seemingly great television, it’s devastating to the young girls we are raising to be women and it’s despicable in the women still behaving as little girls who just don’t know better or won’t do better.

I get sick of seeing the same scenario being played out on a national platform time and again. After a few episodes shows I’m embarrassed to call myself a woman.

Market Research went into the development of these shows. They must have uncovered the same disheartening summary that I have.

There is an unnatural fascination women have that men don’t.

It is the strong urge to up or out “bitch” one another. A cattiness, pettiness, disrespectful, jealous, envious need to be “better” than or prove someone is “lower” than whom we have made up in our small minds, we think we are.

I could not believe my ears or eyes when I watched an episode of “Love & Hip-Hop” wherein one video vixen tried to check another video vixen on the level of vixendom which made her a better person (and vixen) than the woman who was doing the exact same thing she was screaming at her about doing better. An argument about who was less whorish? Less whorish?

Oh my damn womanhood is doomed!

Then there was the roundtable exchange on The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s reunion show. A woman who stripped in her earlier years looking down on a sister selling sexual aides, a woman with two children to two different men, a longtime affair with a married man now fiercely protecting and flaunting her marriage to a successful man as if dirt never touched the bottom of her shoes, a woman who enlisted the help of her friend didn’t get what she wanted when she wanted disparaging her friends professional integrity, and the word “bitch” was peppered throughout like a missing seasoning on the argument salad being tossed to young girls across the nation steadily watching how to be a woman.

These women, each of them, were at times friends, sharing and confiding in one another. These women, each of them were carrying individual stress in their own personal lives and these women, each of them, needed the other at one time during the course of their “friendships.”

These women, each of them, willingly verbally attacked each other for their own personal satisfaction.

Let’s turn off the television before you get distracted into believing these things only happen inside an electronic box. I only use these shows as an example of what is happening in the real world.

If you think about it today, some of you sisters know a woman you constantly refer to as “that bitch” who gets on your everlasting nerves.

There is a woman you negatively talk about consistently.

You can’t stand the way “that bitch”… you can’t believe how “that bitch”… you can’t deal with “that bitch”… you think “that bitch” is just…if “that bitch”… one more time you’re going to… and you’ll say ALL of this to the other person in the same circle.

Probably someone who has no problem with the woman who you think is ruining your life, lunch and existence because “that bitch” just can’t…”that bitch” just won’t…”that bitch” just keeps…

Then you get upset when the “in the middle” friend tries to talk to “that bitch” but somehow winds up carrying tales and embellishing what you said. Now you’re mad at “those bitches.”

I can’t, for the breath of me, understand how women do not see this giant purple and pink polka dotted Elephant shitting in the middle of the living rooms of our lives. (That was decidedly NOT a typo folks).

I remember sitting in Temple hearing my Minister say:”The man who controls the diameter of your thinking, controls the circumference of your mind” His words stayed with me long after the microphone was turned off and the door to the Mosque closed.

Sisters, our minds are being controlled by our reckless mouths.

Women have a purpose on this Earth. We were born to cultivate the human spirit. In my Mother’s Day Blog I addressed what a mother literally brings to life; but as women let’s not forget we are each charged with caring for and raising all of humanity.

We are not Queens, or Goddess’s, Immortals or other pandering forms of Royalty men have had to use to convince us we are worthy.

We are Women.

Much to my chagrin we have accepted, as popular culture this unfathomably ridiculous habit of calling ourselves and each other “bitch.”

“Bitch” used as a unilaterally accepted term of both endearment and damnation?

This confuses me because how can I be “that bitch” when promoting my abilities and call you a “bitch” when denigrating yours?

This is the absolute asinine thought process which prevents women from bonding on a mature level.

Two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time; moreover, you cannot serve two masters.

Somewhere along the voyage we have lost our way. Humanity has gotten lost in our new independent language. We’ve become an ugly race of women spewing poison in an effort to destroy our allies, a child’s hope, the next woman, or the last man.

But because we are not blackening eyes or breaking bones we think we’re not abusive.

We are abusing our power and lowering our standards. Lessening the impact we inherited by the grace of God, disrespecting the Gift and fracturing the Rib from whence we came. Women were given the power to shape the world and our strength primarily lives inside the gentleness of our touch and the diameter of our tongue.

“I’m that Bitch” can’t possibly bring a positive visual for your mind, especially not when you can turn around in the same cultivating breath and call another woman a “trifling bitch”; but to understand this you must understand the power of visualizing life as an integral part of making it so.

It isn’t voodoo or a magic trick; it’s the life ejected into the air which carries our words from mouth, tongue to atmosphere.

“I’m that Bitch” “I’m the baddest Bitch” “You got the right Bitch, believe that!” it’s that simple, you just spoke your fate into existence.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

There is something about embracing the word “bitch” which allows us to get caught up “in our feelings” and verbally lash out ignoring choice, self restraint and the personal responsibility to maintain and control it all.

Woman to woman I am here to remind you that getting “caught up in your feelings” is never an excuse for saying whatever you want. Verbal abuse as a weapon to prevent the physical from occurring, only leads to apologies for words that will always echo in your victims ears. Apologies mean less than nothing when that is the only salve you keep pressing over the same wound you keep ripping open. It loses its elasticity and soon enough won’t stick.

Did you ever think about the empowerment you can hand another woman by reminding her she too is a woman? She too is tasked with an enormous accountability? Even in the heat of anger? “Listen woman…” “Sister let me tell you something.” By replacing the word “bitch” with “sister” or “woman”, “young lady” or “ma’am” you are speaking life to the fact that you are willingly engaging with a partner in this responsibility to cultivate the human spirit.

She will hear you. More importantly YOU will hear you. Visualize it.

That is the personal satisfaction we should be seeking because the diameter of our capabilities will never manifest positivity or yield a successful society until the circumference of our mind reaches below the surface and removes the unnecessary bitch from the equation.

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About The "SoKey" Experience

Each morning I wake I pour myself into a goblet, slowly inhaling the scent of my own faults, swirling them around the glass, allowing them to breath, then I sip, allowing my own inconsistencies to soak my tongue before swallowing. If I am tipsy from my own frailties - I'm less likely to become drunk on yours. -SoKey (introspection)

Discussion

3 thoughts on “The Unnecessary Bitch”

Great read! I completely agree with you. Although sad that such shamefully, mindless entertainment is applauded & popular… It shines light on issues & ideals that we as a society must change. Starting with ourselves on everyday life, we need to use better vocabulary than a contradiction & a degrading word.

So well said! I have long been saddened by the hostile, competitive environment into which so many girls are plunged. Too many are transformed into raging, desperate adults who attack, bully, and distance themselves from any chance of a supportive community. Or they become infantilized women stuck in perpetual princessdom in order to remain precious and non-threatening. Thank you for posting this.