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Dear Will and Kate, Please Don’t Name the Royal Baby “Alice”

Please excuse my terrible informality of not addressing you as duke and duchess, respectively, but I’d like to note that I am addressing you by your first names for a reason. I imagine that, at this point in your lives, you’re rather fond of your names. You’ve grown into them and like the sound of them for various reasons. Kate, maybe you like yours because your favorite thing to do could be curling up on a Kensington Palace couch on a rainy day and binge watching the classic American sitcom, Kate and Allie. Will, perhaps you’re a giant fan of will.i.am and sometimes do a spirited performance of “Boom Boom Pow” in the shower.

I’m pretty attached to my first name, too. It is Alice. Rumor has it that you might give this lovely five-letter moniker to your daughter. I’m asking you, your highnesses, to refrain.