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An election’s eve poem for Trump and for Clinton

‘Twas the night before the election, when all through the nation,
Not a citizen felt safe — from globalization.
The courts overturned, every ID law of note,
In hopes that illegals would show up to vote.

John Kasich was nestled all snug in his mansion,
Not a fear in the world ’bout government expansion.
His vote for McCain already locked in;
His pledge to Republicans like dust in the wind.

Then suddenly on Twitter there arose such a clatter,
I sprang to the web to see what was the matter.
Grabbed I my iPhone from the pocket of my trousers,
Entered my pass code and pulled up the browser.

Searching the page for the latest news pings,
‘Bout Wiki Leaks and Comey and spirit cooking,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a slew of new polls, showing 10 states unclear.

And a video of a woman, so screechy and scary,
I knew in a moment it must be the secretary.
Pushed I the triangle and the video played,
Clinton whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Blitzer! now, Raddatz ! now, Mika and Joe!
On, Harwood! on Halperin! on, Thrush! All you go!”
She screamed like a banshee, “To Penn Avenue!”
I knew in an instant what she’d need them to do.

“There’s scandal and corruption that must disappear,
‘Till the ninth of November when I’m in the clear,
With my cloth and my Bleachbit, I’ll take that server and clean her. Just don’t report on the laptop of Anthony Weiner!”

Then, Bill Clinton’s voice wrought wholly with strife
Said “the FBI is coming for me and my wife.
Only one lady can save us from political stain,
I’ll sort this all out in the cab of her plane.”

There was only one man who could stop the corruption;
He’d fought and he’d spewed like a volcanic eruption.
He’d beat down John Kasich, Lil’ Marco, and Ted
And Carly and Christie, and low-energy Jeb!

His eyes — how they squinted! His stare was aggressive!
His cheeks were like oranges, his stature impressive!
His mad little mouth was pursed to its limit,
His hair so majestic, no scissors dared trim it.

He’d straight to his plan, no grandeur or pomp,
To bring back the jobs and drain out the swamp!
And if Florida, N.C., and Ohio turn red,
To save us from the woman America dreads,

He’ll spring to his podium, among cheers that he’s stomped her,
He’ll speak from his heart and tear down the prompter!
And we’ll hear him exclaim, above globalist neighing:
“I’M BUILDING A WALL — AND MEXICO’S PAYING!”

Eddie Zipperer is an assistant professor of political science at Georgia Military College and a regular LifeZette contributor.