Stories from the second cubicle on the left

Day #669

8:36 AM: Yesterday’s conversation about the holiday party prompted Phyllis to talk about a new bar where patrons partake in ax-throwing. Apparently it’s just what it sounds like. You drink beer and throw axes at a wooden target. At three points since Phyllis mentioned this yesterday in our 3 o’clock meeting, Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin has had the same lame dad joke…

“I’m sure people in HR would love that!”

Actually, our HR lady probably would love to see us killed off.

12:13 PM: People meeting in our conference rooms are enjoying a catered lunch. The smell is wafting out to my area of the office. Carson Kressley, always on the lookout for free food to supplement his tuna/cheese stick lunch, piped up…

Carson Kressley: What are the chances there will be leftover food?

Phyllis: Is it anything good? Can you smell ti?

Carson Kressley: It might be pasta?

Phyllis: It smells like meatloaf to me.

It does smell like meatloaf.

1:29 PM: Carson Kressley just stood up to go to lunch. Before leaving, he put on this sweatshirt…

Carson Kressley: I’ve got this sweatshirt on, so do you think that’s enough? Or should I put on a jacket?

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Are you going far?

Carson Kressley: No, I’m just going to lunch with a friend.

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Okay, I think you’ll be fine.

If Carson Kressley doesn’t come back in an hour, we’ll have to send out a search party for him. “Check every street corner! Every alley! It’s 60 degrees outside and he went outside with only a sweatshirt! He could be dead by now!”

3:30 PM: Roseanne Barr’s annoying boss told her today that she needs to accept more tickets that come through the IT requests box. She said he takes all the tickets before anyone else can get to them. She also believes he’s building the case to fire her and this, paired with ongoing complaints about her being loud, will be her undoing later this year.

Please leave your supportive words for Roseanne Barr in the comments and I will deliver them anonymously to her boss.

3:5o PM: Phyllis works with the same group of people on a regular basis, but she hasn’t met many of them in person. One is in the office today and came over to introduce herself. They chatted for a bit, he said, “nice to meet you,” and left. She giggled and joyously said to herself, “My peeps” as she sat down.