The List: 14 Mar 2002 (Issue 436)

I Insider has been hanging out on a movie set. How very La Dolce Vita of Insider (but would that be Marcello Mastroianni or Anita Ekberg?). Actually. that‘s not being truthful: Insider has been scuffing around the ‘edges' of a film set. smoking fags and watching the crew dress the location. And that location would be The List's very own home. Tweeddale Court. where a shon film titled Cigarette is being shot. The film concerns two young girls who skip out of their turn- of-the-century Scottish home one night after some nicotine naughtiness and find it provided free of charge by Old Nick himself. How appropriate that producer/director Oliver Morran's film should concern tobacco troubles: there's not a few List staff who smoke the wrong end of the chimney. Insider included. Perhaps this columnist's film acting career starts here?

I While we're on the subject of fakes and forecourts. Insider heard a rumour that Canongate publishers has been celebrating its first ever placing in a top ten bestseller list. It's for Robert Sabbag's Smokescreen, the memoir of pothead bandit Allen Long who started back in 1966 what Howard Marks became much more famous for in recent times. A spokesperson for Canongate said. quite accurately: ‘lt was all down to that free half page advert in The List — Scotland's premier listings magazine — and just taking each week's sales at a time.‘

I Back to film sets. Insider was recently hanging out on the set of Martin Scorsese's Gangs Of New York. In Rome. at Cinecita studios where Marty and his pal Leonardo DiCaprio were filming the 19th century hoodlums drama. Word is Tom Cruise turned up one day. took a look around the fake streets of old New York and said to his Color Of Money director: ‘Hey. Marty. where's the church?’ There wasn't no church. but being a stand up guy. Marty gets

8 THE LIST 14—28 Mar 2002

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his set deSigner to round up his boys and build a full scale one. Which they dubbed St Thomas'. And they say Tom Cruise has no ego.

Ell While Insider's feeling all overcome with ego. look at the two magazine cover images on this page. In the blue corner we have The Lists 31 January iSSLie illustrating the E5 challenge to take Glasgow and Edinburgh on the cheap. And in the other blue corner we have The Herald Magazine's 2 March issue With 85 challenge to take Amsterdam. Berlin and LondOii on the cheap. OK. so next issue The List is going to run a cover feature: 85 challenge — the moon on the cheap. Or something else.

m Now for a c0uple of personal preferences. First up. the impending closure of The Lumiere cinema this month. OK. the arth0iise is on its way out: the Royal Museum is thus decided (despite ongoing whinging in these pages). However. there is a petition against the closure doing the rounds. and Sir Sean Connery has put his pen to it. If y0u want to join Sean by signing it. contact Helene. Paul or John on 0131 556 7893 or write to 33 Drummond Place. EH3 6PW.

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It} Also personal is Insider's fascination with people who ‘love’ iMacs and are. therefore. mad. You might remember Insider writing about the fella who composed love songs about his computer? Perhaps you recall the other fella who couldn't wait for his machine to be delivered. so he placed a cardboard cut out of the latest model on his desk? And now we have The People Who Hold ilvlac Unpacking Ceremonies For Friends And Family. Imagine the scene: drinks. low lighting and then the unwrapping. One mad person posted his thoughts on the web: 'You don't open it like an ordinary box. This is something magical. The new itvlac smell — a cross between Styrofoam and newly moulded plastic - is amazing.‘ Force quit. Now.

1.5:: These Guerilla Girls are great. For the month leading up to the hideous back-slapping awards ceremony which is the Oscars. the discrimination-fighting group of female writer/performer/fiImmakers have displayed the “Anatomically Correct Oscar' (see picture) on a huge billboard on Melrose Avenue. just where the likes of Russell Crowe have to wince at it.

‘l’m a heterosexual woman who loves lipstick and girly things but I feel masculine too. I don’t feel any particular sex at times.’ Shirley Manson tries to explain her new androgynous image.

‘There’s nothing worse than sitting around poncing on about your life.’

Kevin Spacey '3 opening gambit in yet another very long magaZine interwew piece. In which he ponces on about his life.

‘I find straight acting about as easy as trying to showjump on a donkey.’ Sally Phillips reflects on the less than great Rescue Me.

‘Every doll is more harmful than an American missile.’ An Iranian toy seller believes that the 'wanton' nature of Barbie will breed a generation of horribly westerni‘sed girls.

‘I’m coming round to the idea of capital punishment.’ Looks like lan Flank/n has been reading too many crime novels.

‘In 1972 I was a member of the IRA and I did not join to play tiddlywinks.’

Martin McGuinness can 't put his Violent past behind him.

‘We’ll have a real referee, real doctors, real announcers and there’ll be a lot of flailing arms. So what?’ Mike Darnell, vice president at the Fox network defends plans for a celebrity bo><ing TV extravaganzt't.

‘I hope he’s into tantric drinking. We want to get totally bladdered.’

Travis bassman Dougie Payne gets ready for a night on the ale With Sting.