Dwarf mistletoe (dmt), an evergreen parasitic plant found on conifers in Canada, can significantly reduce a tree’s life expectancy. Even more important in beetle-infested British Columbia, the almost-invisible dwarf mistletoe species that prefers pines can weaken a tree and make it more susceptible to attack by micro-organisms and insects.

In other words, they are in Canada, heading towards the North Pole and Santa Clause. One source indicates the christmas hating mistletoe has opened a fifth column here in the United States. A map of known mistletoe terrorist cells is below.

Terrorist christmas hating misletoe in the US are particularly virulent (goes without saying since we are the greatist nation on earth our terrorist christmas hating misletoe has to be of the worst sort):

Because of its widespread occurrence on limber and whitebark pines, and the high level of mortality it causes, limber pine dwarf mistletoe is considered to be one of the most important diseases of high-elevation 5-needle pines in the West. Only white pine blister rust (Cronartium ribicola Fisch.) is considered more damaging.

“Dwarf mistletoe is a serious forest pest,” says Ross. “Its effects can change habitat, compromise timber quality, create a fire hazard due to dead trees, and weaken a tree to the extent that it dies from other factors.”

afarensis was so alarmed at the thought that he might be harboring christmas hating terrorist mistletoe that he took his christmas tree outside and burned it. He was much embaressed, however, when Mrs. afarensis pointed out that we had a fake tree...dwelling on the failures in the war on Christmas only aides and abets the enemy so let's move on...

Apparently, these evil christmas hating mistletoe have come up with a clever and heinous method of attack:

While they may have different appetites, all of the dmt species spread their seeds through explosion, an unusual method of propagation unrivalled by any other member of the plant kingdom.

*snip*

Essentially, the process works like this: water initially accumulates in the viscin mucilage, creating a steady rise in pressure, then changes in cell chemistry instigate a major influx of water into the mucilage, triggering a rapid increase in pressure. A resistant cell layer makes sure the fruit doesn’t expand in all directions, but rather accumulates pressure in the viscin, so when the cell layer where the fruit joins the stalk dies, pressure is suddenly released, bursting the fruit and dispersing the seed.

“The outer fruit shell is elastic but resistant to pressure build-up, like the skin of a balloon, and the dying cell layer that forms at the fruit stalk mimics the result of putting a pin in the balloon,” says Ross.

It’s a deadly discharge that plays a mean prank on neighbouring trees, and it’s particularly threatening in single-species stands like lodgepole pine plantations.

Shocking! I can fondly remember, from years past, kissing Mrs. afarensis under the mistletoe. Little did I know the evil nature of the christmas hating terrorist mistletoe that was hanging above our heads. So the next time someone stands under mistletoe and wants a smooch politly explain how mistletoe is a heinous member of war on Christmas then take the mistleoe outside and burn it (children should ask their parents to do this or at least be supervised by a responsible adult). They will thank you for it, our country will thank you and I will thank you.

About Me

Afarensis is a 3.5-2.8 million year old hominin from the Kada Hadar member of the Hadar formation in the Middle Awash, Ethiopia. He is approximately 41 inches tall, weighs approximately 60 pounds and has a cranial capacity of a whopping 410 cc (approximately). Afarensis is currently considered to be transitional between apes and humans and displays some traits of both. Since he spends a lot of time on the couch watching monster movies, some observers question whether he is an obligate biped (although no one has observed him climbing a tree). He also has a blog called Transitions: The Evolution of Life

Aphorisms

"Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a chain or freed a human soul..." Mark Twain

"Ideology is a poor substitute for rational thought..." Afarensis

"It isn't faith that makes good science...it's curiosity" Prof. Jacob Barnhardt, The Day the Earth Stood Still

"This man wishes to be accorded the same privilege as a sponge. He wishes to think!" Clarence Darrow, Inherit the Wind

"...I become fearful when I see people substituting fear for reason..."Klaatu, The Day the Earth Stood Still

"I want you to grab life by its little bunny ears and get in its face..." The Simpsons

"This is between me and the vegetable..."Seymour Krelborn, The Little Shop of Horrors

"There are bad laws and cruel laws and the people who enforce them are both bad and cruel..."Thea, Isle of the Dead

"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably." Jean- Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation

The whole edifice of the Haeckelian program became irrelevant when developmental biologists shifted their efforts to understanding mechanisms of embryonic development. It became explicitly incorrect with the demise of Lamarckian heredity in the face of Mendalian genetics in the early twentieth century. - Rudolf Raff, The Shape of Life: Genes, Development, and the Evolution of Animal Form

"But the limit of tolerance for these human foibles is obtained when the proponent of a questionable scientific doctrine endeavors to maintain it against all possible odds by misrepresentation, misinformation and suppression of contradictory data, and by insinuating unfairness in opponents of his views." Franz Weidenreich, Morphology of Solo Man

"Man stands alone in the universe, a unique product of a long, unconcious, impersonal material process with unique understanding and potentialities. These he owes to no one but himself, and it is to himself that he is responsible. He is not the creature of uncontrollable and undeterminable forces, but his own master. He can and must decide and manage his own destiny."George Gaylord Simpson, Life of the Past

Yeah he's the Dick to the Dawk to the phd,he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!Yeah he's the Dick to the Dawk to the phd,he's smarter than you he's got a science degree!Unknown

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you.Frederich Nietzsche

Charles Darwin

"But I had gradually come, by this time, to see that the Old Testament from its manifestly false history of the world, with the Tower of Babel, the rainbow at sign, etc., etc., and from its attributing to God the feelings of a revengeful tyrant, was no more to be trusted than the sacred books of the Hindoos, or the beliefs of any barbarian." Charles Darwin: The Autobiography