Anyone else wish waiting didnt exist?

Does anyone feel like it feels wrong to have to take the baby-steps to getting engaged with your SO? like hinting and trying to not pressure them, and doing the SIU pact, all the while hoping that they will finally pop the question after years of trying to convince them your good enough? I wish that it would have been a complete suprise out of nowhere type of thing where he just cant wait to ask, but maybe thats just nieve?? I dont know, just pondering how much I wish I didnt have to go through the waiting period. Because its getting old. And im getting numb to the whole idea.

@Koifish: I don’t really think waiting is a “baby step” process. I did not hint to my SO. We sat down as adults and discussed it, as it is an important life decision. If you have not actually discussed where you stand as a couple and if engagement/marriage is in your future, I highly recommend that you do so. It’s important to know if you’re going to be waiting for something that won’t happen!

After we discussed engagement and I knew that things were aligning for a proposal, I considered myself waiting. I do not consider the period before that to be waiting. Good luck.

I didn’t wait. FI and I discussed it, he gave me a timeline for when he was thinking about doing it and I agreed w/ that timeline. He did it within the timeline.

Actually, I really enjoyed the “waiting” process – I had tons of fun going ring shopping pretty much multiple times a year, sometimes just for fun and to try on rings (it was the most fun I had in this entire wedding planning process) and trying to “guess” when he was going to do it (“FI, should I get a manicure this weekend?”) and not actually knowing it was definitely coming and being completely surprised when it did (I thought he hadn’t saved up enough money for a ring so I figured we were going to push the timeline back).

I never “waited” so I dont fully understand what it is. I guess in my last relationship I started to wonder after about 4-5 years but it ended right before our 7th anniversary so I guess it wasnt meant to be.

@Koifish: almost like you just wish “marriage” had never come to your mind. Like you want to talk about getting engaged ALL. THE. TIME. but instead you tiptoe around it for fear he may feel pressured or worse-the engagement may feel forced. When in reality, you know you’ve found THE ONE and all you want to do is spend the rest of your life with him. So why wait? What the heck are we waiting on? Lol. And don’t even let me get started on the SIUP!! Ugh.

@Koifish: No, I don’t wish it didn’t exist. For me, it means we’ve discussed our future plans and agreed that we want to end up spending our lives together but it’s not time to make it official yet, for whatever reason. We’re in a serious relationship, so that happened and thus I’m “waiting”. If that conversation magically didn’t happen then either it would mean my not-serious boyfriend suddenly sprung a proposal on me even though we hadn’t discussed very serious and important expectations of our life together OR it would mean that I was in a “serious” relationship where we didn’t have open communication.

I know it’s frustrating waiting sometimes, but look at what it means for your relationship and focus on the beauty of that. You are with the man you want to spend the rest of your life with! And there will be a beautiful, special moment where he askes you that is still coming! And you don’t have to stress out about wedding planning yet! You just get the fun of being a girlfriend! YAY!

I’m REALLY honestly not trying to be snarky here or anything, but if you feel as though you have to “convince your SO that you’re good enough” that is NOT normal.

The person you want to marry should accept you as you are and you shouldn’t have to do anything to convince them to spend their life with you.

If the two of you are on the same page about your feelings and futures, you won’t ever feel like you’re “waiting.”

My husband and I dated for 3 years before he proposed but I never felt like I was waiting. And we had a 2 year engagement and still never felt like I was waiting. We had a lot of BS thrown at us during our dating/engagement years (death & illness in the family, job loss, money issues, etc) but I never felt the “waiting” period.

It was frustrating “waiting” for our situations to improve so we could have a wedding and our own house but ….. I never questioned his intent or our future.

IMO, I feel that if you’re in agony not knowing his intent or plans or time line that is

I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but if you aren’t “waiting” or didn’t have to WAIT, why are y’all even responding to the posts on the waiting board? You clearly can’t relate, so why give advice?

The thing that really bothers me is that we do everything else 50/50 and make decisions together, but somehow when we get engaged is HIS decision and the ring I get is HIS decision. I don’t get how that’s fair.

@mcarey2: I don’t think you’re being mean, but a little rude. Lots of PPs gave really good advice. The concept that you wished you’d never thought of marriage and just want it sprung out of no where is a little ridiculous. Of course you and your SO should talk about your life plans, desires, a timeline, etc. and presumably this would include marriage. That’s part of being in a mature relationship.

I think what is most alarming is the idea that the OP (or anyone) would have to convince their SO that they are “good enough” to marry – especially for YEARS (OP’s words). This is why you should have talks about marriage with your SO, because if you’re not on the same page it is time to make a choice: stay with them with the possibility of no marriage or leave. I say all of this as someone who is not yet engaged, but I have absolutely had talks with my SO and know we want the same thing out of life so I’m not begging him to marry me, trying to convince him that I’m good enough, or participating in any ridiculous pact.

I think it’s sad that men have so much power in the relationship, and we have to wait for them to propose. Like, our lives hang in limbo until they decide to make a decision- it’s completely unfair. But then they make up for it with beautiful rings *sigh* and Lord knows I’m a sucker for sparkly things! The whole thing is just so frustrating.