I claim no great moral compass in saying, simply: I was wrong. At the time of the 2000 election, Gore v. Bush, I was wrong to suggest that the better vote was a protest vote for Ralph Nader.

It isn’t that I feel as though my vote, or my blog posts, cost Gore the election. Living in NYC, my vote for Nader had little effect on the state outcome in favor of Gore-Lieberman. And my blog’s impact? Oh, come on.

But it is impossible to ignore that history in light of the present situation of Clinton v. Trump. With so many Bernie Sanders supporters declaring they will vote for Jill Stein or Gary Johnson or someone other than Clinton, the issue is relevant all over again.

If you want to vote for Stein or some alternative to the Clinton-Kaine ticket, then let’s just be clear about three things.

A vote for someone other than Clinton is unambiguously a vote for Trump. If Trump wins, you will bear some responsibility, the same way that many others–including me–bear some responsibility for allowing Bush-Cheney to win. Do we need to recount those eight terrible years? I’d rather not.

If your justification is that you supported Bernie–you’re a BernieBro, a BernieCrat, a Bernie-whatever–then you should ask yourself about what it is you really believe in, and how rational it is. When was the last time you believed that one human had all right the answers? Is Bernie the Messiah? Because if the answer to that second question is yes, then you have to wonder how he couldn’t overcome opposition from mere voters. And if the answer is no, well…

You many not use the “I support a Third Party” defense. Because you didn’t; you supported an independent who decided to run as a capital-D Democrat. Because the history of third parties in the USA is very clear (Perot; Nader). And because Dan Savage is right.

Bernie Sanders did the right and honorable thing by endorsing Hillary Clinton, knowing that Clinton-Kaine represents a better political future for this country than any of the other options. If the Sanders campaign has brought out in you a dedication to fix the political system–whether in the Democratic party or through a ground-up third party–great. You can do that work with Hillary Clinton as president, and live to fight again in 2020. But in the meantime…let’s not make the Nader mistake again.

If you employ a regular babysitter, you are supposed to report their income and pay a portion of their taxes, or else. (Remember “Nannygate“?) It’s expensive but, hey, business opportunity! Care.com-HomePay-Breedlove offers to ease the way, and if you can afford their services, they do just that. (Unpaid endorsement: they are great to work with.)

In New York State, however, you are also required to carry worker’s compensation insurance. And this is where both the bureaucracy and the law are what is politely known as a fucking mess. Not only do you have to have insurance or face stiff penalties…you then have to endure an endless stream of paperwork and reports designed for businesses with hundreds of employees, not a single household worker.

I just received the renewal for another year of coverage through the New York State Insurance Fund (NYSIF). And I once again find myself frustrated by the insanity of the process and the opacity of NYSIF. Which reminds me of a letter I sent to the Fund’s Executive Director and CEO, Eric Madoff, in 2014. It still says it all.

Look, I think worker’s compensation insurance is generally a social good. I support the idea of these social safety nets, and I pay my “nanny taxes” because I believe in these systems–in the abstract. But the practical application of them is the sort of thing that drives people to the cause of smaller government.

Oh, and the renewal price? $780. That’s a 27% rate increase in just two years. What’s the current rate of inflation in the U.S.? Never mind, don’t answer that.

Is it OK for Southerners to carry a Confederate flag at a rally of like-minded people, the same way it’s OK for African-Americans (but only African-Americans) to call each “nigger”? I don’t think I approve of either of these things.

Oh, sure. The presence of the Confederate flag at this rally on the National Mall? Just a sign of “states’ rights.” No doubt! The linkage between the Confederate flags and calls for impeachment proceedings against President Obama? Surely just a reflection of these people’s anger that the Affordable Care Act imposes actual healthcare on millions of people without it.

If you believe all this, I have a bridge to sell you; please do get in touch.

The Affordable Care Act was deemed Constitutional by the Supreme Court of the United States. Note that no one is calling for five Justices to be impeached. After all, this is the same court that has loosened gun regulations, loosened rules on money in politics, and transmogrified incorporated businesses into individuals for the purposes of Constitutional rights. Was their decision about “Obamacare” just an aberration?

I digress. Here’s the thing: that flag–the Confederate flag–has connotations as clear as a swastika. Just like the symbol of the Nazis also embodied the German’s desire to get out from under the thumb of repressive post-World War I sanctions, and to re-arm and re-establish themselves as a true, powerful, independent European country … the connection to virulent anti-Semitism and the holocaust is hard to escape. In the same way yes, sure, the Confederate flag represents an era of very specific politics. And that flag also represents a war fought over the enslavement of millions of people and (following the Civil War) a century long, multi-generational period of sustained and often violent discrimination.

It is pathetic that people like Senator Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin do not denounce such activities. To do so would actually elevate the Tea Party and make clear that theirs is a movement not driven by racism–by a deep-seated racist hatred of an African-American president. But alas they cannot and do not repudiate such things, either because they, too, share those sentiments, or because they value too much the support of such people. Equally pathetic is our national news media which reports such details in passing, but fails–out of fear?–to delve too deeply into the underlying issues.

I’m no fan of President Obama. I admire his oratory, but frown on much of his politics, from the vast limitations of the Affordable Care Act to the vast increases he has sustained in our national “security” infrastructure. Still, I am not afraid to call out racism when I see it. And these people–people marching on the National Mall, demanding the president’s impeachment and waving the Confederate flag? These people are racists, and their motivations are of the most base variety. We must resist this behavior and the intellectually impoverished faux-ideology behind it.

It’s 6:35am, I am in the kitchen making coffee, and NPR has just confirmed that the government remains shut down (as I think to myself, yes, and Speaker John Boehner is still ineffective; #LetsTalk about that), the US is still holding a freshly captured alleged terrorist on a boat, and that it’s going to be a lot cooler today than yesterday. The radio is also, apparently, screaming at me.

She’s 6, he’s 4. And Mommy is apparently indisposed since after two minutes of screaming….the 6 year old is still screaming.

It’s now 6:38am, and my blood pressure is elevated.

I locate the children. I say: “Stop screaming. Mommy is not available right now. Why are you screaming?”

“He’s hurting me,” she says. The two of them are in their pajamas, in our bed, under the covers. It’s a big bed. There’s plenty of room for the two of them. There is no need for this.

“So get up and walk away,” I say.

***

My intelligent, beautiful, sophisticated 6 year old daughter has a problem. Contrary to the indicators above, the problem is not her 4 year old brother. They love each other, and most of the time they play nicely together.

My daughter’s problem is that she has no sense of self-preservation, no instinct for self-defense. And this worries me. Screaming? Screaming is good in some situations, can attract attention and alert people that something is wrong. But these days, at home, it’s hard to discern the degree of seriousness that goes with the scream.

I have been trying to teach my daughter self-preservation and self-defense. “If your brother is bothering you, hurting you, tell him firmly to stop. If he doesn’t stop, remove yourself from that spot–the bed, the couch, the floor, wherever. And if he still doesn’t stop hurting you, whack him hard on the shoulder and then walk away. Eventually, he will learn that if he hurts you it will result in him getting hurt, and he will stop.”

Whack him back, and walk away.

***

Certainly–certainly!–when the 4 year old hurts the 6 year old, it isn’t the 6 year old to blame! We take all the right steps with the 4 year old. He loses toys (especially if they’re the whacking object) or his dessert or a bedtime story. He gets quiet time by himself or with one of us. But I say, without making excuses: he’s a 4 year old boy. This is, alas, what many boys do, especially younger siblings.

And granted, I grew up with a younger brother (whom I love very much) who also spent time in childhood bothering me in much the same fashion. As boys, we would wrestle and fight, whack each other and whack each other and whack each other and … eventually move on. I wasn’t an older sister, and I know–know–that girls can be differently wired on these matters. I understand that.

But still, I say: whack him back and walk away.

***

When it comes right down to it, life is not always so simple. Things you want need to be fought for, obstacles need to be overcome. Mostly–hopefully–these are not physical obstacles, these should not be obstreperous (or, worse, sociopathic) people standing literally in your way. But conceptually, the instincts are the same. Self-preservation and self-defense are key life skills, whether with bullies of either gender in school or on the playground, or with a date with wandering hands [gulp; hopefully many years away], or against colleagues who try to thwart you or people who try to rip you off. It is not always about physical retaliation; in fact, mostly it is not about physical retaliation, but some other form of self-preservation, from arguing your point all the way down to counting your change in a store. Life requires a little bit more than just waiting for someone else to help you out.

Screaming? Screaming can be good. But sometimes, you just need to whack ’em back and walk away.

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