It's official: the consensus for Man-made Climate Change is now over-unanimous. The results from a recent poll conducted by the Mann-Hansen Group strongly support Man-made Climate Change theories by 130% for to -50% against. This unprecedented result was obtained by counting a 'no' vote as a negative response which is added by subtracting. This also generates a positive feedback raising the pro vote beyond the 100% level.

Explained a Mann-Hansen expert, "Yes, the numbers don't exactly add up to 100, a discrepancy we attribute to the carbon offset, as the poll takers, being life forms, have quite a bit of carbon in them. In any case, the whole thing has man's carbon fingerprints all over it. Our computer models can rectify this using the customary Flexible Up and Down Guess Estimate, or FUDGE factor. This might seem unnatural, but Man-made Climate Change is unnatural, so the consensus may as well be, too. You have to fight fire with fire."

He continued, "The Precautionary Principle would seem to imply we act with caution, but as the consensus has passed the 100% tipping point, it no longer applies. This invokes the Post-Cautionary Principle meaning radical, precipitous action is now required. Which is what we've been saying all along, only now we've produced some overwhelming numbers to back us up."

I honestly could not believe this when I read it. Idling is illegal? What Minnesotan DOESN'T idle his car in the morning frost? Why the sound of idling cars in the crackling crispness of a crystalline Minnesota morning is a statewide tradition. Yet another example of bringing on the glorious benefits of next Tuesday.

Mercury is in LED lights as well? I thought that was just the twisted bulbs...

[prog off]Either way, this is still pretty stupid. "Hey, it might cause a deadly accident, but we SAVED ENERGY! Maybe if you kept your tires inflated like Obama said, this wouldn't have happened to you!"

Your memory serves the collective well. At least someone is keeping a record of all of Dear Leader's directives. There ought to be some kind of compilation of all of them, because before long, we won't be able to keep all of the rules and regulations in our brains, especially with all the trips to Jiffi-Lobo.

happy new year comrads. aahh yes figures do not lie. manmade global warming must be true as the figures prove. but alas.....there is an old saying in our country (texas) that goes; figures don't lie, but liars figure. and those with the best liars get the figures they want............. it appears that comrad algore has hired the best liars in the world...

by the way we had our first snowy white christmas in 80 years and it's colder than a well-digger's ass in january down here........so i guess the figures are lying

What is important is that the overwhelming consensus on global warming remains unchanged. It is also worth noting that the panel’s scientists — acting in good faith on the best information then available to them — probably underestimated the range of sea-level rise in this century, the speed with which the Arctic ice cap is disappearing and the speed with which some of the large glacial flows in Antarctica and Greenland are melting and racing to the sea.

Because these and other effects of global warming are distributed globally, they are difficult to identify and interpret in any particular location. For example, January was seen as unusually cold in much of the United States. Yet from a global perspective, it was the second-hottest January since surface temperatures were first measured 130 years ago. globalwarmingsurvivalcenter.com

This analysis was made possible by Michael Mann's revolutionary "Mannian" statistical methods, perfected when he pulled the original Hockey Stick graph out of his butt. There's a rumor that Steve McIntyre and Ross McKitrick, after many futile attempts to get the Mann-Hansen group to release its raw data and codes so it could be checked by independent investigators, finally reversed engineered the mess and found that you can plug any numbers into the formula and the result is more than 100%. But don't expect to see these results published any time soon. Gavin Schmidt is hard at work corrupting the peer review process to keep it from being published and Ben Santer has punched Patrick Michaels in the nose.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Public education reaches important milestone as all New York schools report 100% identical test scores in reading, writing, and arithmetic

Supreme Court declares 1st Amendment unconstitutional because 'it was enacted without input from minorities in violation of the Equal Protection clause of the 14th Amendment'

National Endowment for the Arts awards first prize to sculpture of US Constitution in bucket of urine

New York's Metropolitan Museum bans all works on canvas as 'offensive to canvas-less cultures' and 'inimical to progressive modes of thought'

Dan Brown publishes new installment of The Obama Code, in which Tom Hanks discovers that Barack Obama's mother was African-American and her alleged 'whiteness' was a ploy concocted later by Fox News revisionists

Man gets 10 years hard labor for starting a business in competition with government services

Bethesda, Maryland community welcomes new 100-acre palatial complex to house the 89 czars and their 800,000 staff members

It's Ramadan time and British Prime Minister Jacqui Smith once again prepares to be raped in the House of Lords by Muslim peers as a manifestation of their grievances

Iceland declared pariah nation for failure to live up to UN racial diversity standards

As Iran resumes missile bombardment of European cities, EU intensifies pressure on Israel to dismantle settlements

White House: Air Force prepared to nuke random American city to show Iran we’re serious about peace

Airlines show profit as crashes with affirmative-action pilots down 20% from last decade

Native population of Paris grows from 8 to 9 percent; chief imam of France warns of Muslim backlash

Junior school teacher found guilty of abuse for failing to educate students on dangers posed by heterosexual relations between consenting adults

Code Pink denounces Stalin as 'insufficiently progressive' due to 'lack of interest in the plight of the transgendered'