Reviews

L. T. Dalin: This is a take on sibling rivalry that I haven't really seen before. I have to wonder if my sister thought I was a demon when I was born. :)

Robin Abess: I like this because it digs down and shows what we all do when we're trying to write. The frantic midnight typing that you don't remember in the morning, the drain from the story not talking to you. Scary thoughts if it actually happened.

Lisa McCourt Hollar: This made me laugh. And it was a nice twist of gender bending to fit the modern day. Of course now I'm imagining Tim Curry in his butler outfit cackling at getting away with it while framing the pretty PI.

Sheilagh Lee: This was tense. The mother's love but knowing that she had to do something to protect the greater good of humanity, even if it was to end the life of what she wanted all along. Laura: A fairy, a werewolf and a dragon walk into a bar... Well, at least life wouldn't be so boring now that those creatures came out of the woodwork.

H.L. Pauff: Nothing like a bad situation getting worse and all because of those innocent pretzels. Try to do a good deed and get jumped by the Secret Service. That and the president needed to chew his food more thoroughly. Megan E. Clark: This is a different twist to a government agency that terminated children. It tends to lead a bit of mystery as to why they ate children and what the dark purpose of the group is. Siobhan Muir: Oh yeah, give me some hot SEAL loving. *fans self* I'm all for rule breaking. Ryan Strohman: Oh wow. You try to be nice to the little old lady and she turns out to be some evil mastermind who trashes your place, steals your boyfriend and tries to extort money from you. And instead of a white cat, it's a yorkie. Why can't they bring back the little old lady as a Bond villain?

Honorable Mentions

Nick Johns: Short and sweet but it leads up to what is pretty prophetic. I like the mention at the end about the teeth being more for biting than smiling. Julius Caesar is one of my favorite plays to read.

Mark Ethridge: This one hit a spot because I'm a cat person and there have been times when a person feels down there is nothing quite like the cat coming up and giving you kitty kisses and listening to the rumbling purr vibrate a small furry body. When things go bad, there is always someone there to let you know that it's okay.

Winner

[Judges comment: I love the imagery in the piece of how the sweet, innocent Princess is the terror that could end the world. The force of the Guardians or knights being the final defense and giving it their all to make sure that she doesn't destroy the human race and the sacrifice that isn't recognized.]

Destinyby David A. Ludwig

We never imagined the one we swore to protect would be our greatest enemy. How could we? Legends get muddied with retelling, and now I see just how easy it is to lose critical information. Contrary to the story pieced together from crumbling scrolls, the five Guardians weren’t created to protect the Heavenly Princess from the world—but rather exactly the opposite.

The truth is, when the princess’s dire purpose was revealed I think we were all surprised—even the first time around. None of us remember our past lives, so I’m just guessing, but I know in my soul that then as now she was our friend.

My blood has caked around the vines suspending me helplessly in their thorny net—the rose petals now a more vital crimson than my spilt essence. I don’t have the strength to summon my armor now, even if I thought she’d let it through. At least I got the civilians out before she lost it completely. At least I was able to take the whole of her fury for now.

Too weak to fight anymore, I’m trapped in a web of my own thoughts. It isn’t the Princess’s magic keeping me here; it’s my own impotence. Princess? I’m not the one who calls her that, to me she’ll always just be… Why can’t I remember her name? Three years I’ve protected her, watched her mature into a strong, confident woman. She’s like a little sister to me, and now I can only think of her as the Heavenly Princess?

That was a past life. We’re different people now. All of us. In a modern world we Guardians are super heroes, celebrated and idolized for saving the world from forces beyond human understanding. Powers drawn to the Heavenly Princess. The Destined Child.

Overnight we were rejected by the world we’d saved so many times—reviled for protecting a genocidal monster from soldiers incapable of harming her, let alone helping her back to sanity. But that’s how it all started in the first place. I promised I would protect her.

Much debate has arisen over the 2007 movie version of “I am Legend” An alternate ending was filmed which more closely matched Richard Matheson’s original vision. Robert Neville, the fabled vampire slayer realizes that the greatest monster is himself.Some of the most memorable stories subvert our ideas of right and wrong, good and evil, friend and foe. Use this week’s prompt to explore some of those ideas, or to explain how robot zombie ninjas are possible, it’s your prompt after all.

The Judge

Nellie is a state government worker with her only kids being cats and horses. Who are just as bad as little kids, especially when they want attention. The only difference is the weight. She is also an ML for her area for NaNoWriMo for the 6th year. Getting writers to get together is like rounding up feral cats at times. Reading enjoyment are Steampunk, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Horror and Urban Fantasy.

Nellie welcomes Cthulhu as her Elder God on the 2012 ticket with VP Hastur.

The Prompt

[I/He/She] never imagined [so and so] would be [the enemy/the greatest threat/ their doom/my undoing...]*This week's prompt is our loosest yet. I'm not so concerned about the wording as long as this idea is clearly expressed in the first sentence.

The Rules

The story must start from the prompt. This means the prompt must be the first words in the story.

No more than 500 words (not including the prompt). No less than 100 words.

Any genre (in fact an unexpected genre will get you more points.)

Entries must be submitted by Tuesday Noon EST

The winner of each week's competition will be invited to judge the following week and post the winner's badge similar to the one on the right.

Reviews

Megan E. Clark (@TheWriterMegan)I like the concept. I wonder much, “What the heck are these people...” I also like the strikingly human way the Captain refuses to give up on those that helped him. L. T. Dalin (@ChessnySilth) I like the interaction between the characters. The way they talk with each other. The way they react to events. But I find myself wondering what they’re reacting to, and who the chancellor is (a government figure, perhaps? Or a religious one?)

Charles W Jones (@ChuckWesJ)Took me a second reading to make sense of this one. That’s not a bad thing, by the way. When I realized Saul is stuck in the slime between (between what, I wonder) the sequence of events made more sense. But, it feels like I’m not fully understanding it yet...

Nick Johns (@nickjohns999)This was fun. Felt very much like a tale of revenge.

J.M. Blackman (@J_M_Blackman)I like the story here. All the pieces are there. It feels like a complete moment in time. I can feel the lead and the ache she lives with. I can hear the guys voice say, “Remember. But let go...”

Nellie (@solimond)One tuff girl. Survival in the desert. Makes me wonder what Shahar is looking for, and why she’s out there. I like the visual nature of the conflict here.

Ray Strohman (@rastrohman)It’s good to be not quite alive. An interesting clip from your novel. Black magic kept him “alive”, but would he have been better off dead?

Cara Michaels (@caramichaels)Even if it’s past the noon time deadline, I’ll review this. Just ‘cause. I do like your tale. The way you express the thoughts of the main character as she works to resolve the predicament she is in is handled very well. It flows well. That there is a big gap in what the main character believes and what the people she’s encountered believe is also handled well. But at the end, I had too many questions about the situation itself.

Rebekah Postupak (@postupak)Again, doesn’t bother me that you missed the time. I appreciate very much that you wrote something. I’m pretty certain anyone can reach the same conclusion as to what happened when the lights got turned out. A nice little play on the “I had everything I wanted, but nothing I really needed” idea. I like it.

I had great fun reading each story several times. Trying to figure out the HM, and the Winner. Wondering if if I read the same stories in a few days, would I get the same results. Since tomorrow does not exist, and yesterday is gone, and now is all there is...

It’s a tough one to call. But, without flipping a coin... And this could have gone either way, and I’d have been OK with that.

Honorable Mention

J.M. BlackmanI really do like this little piece of fiction. The way the emotion of the character is illustrated so well. But... I just wanted something a little more... A little different...

Winner

I like the descriptive nature of the action in this. It has a nice balance between describing what happens, and sticking with the point of view of the main character. I don’t need to know why she’s there, or why there are bandits to enjoy the action, and the characterization, which are handled well, and seamlessly. It’s a fun piece to read.

UntitledBy Nellie

“We will never forget the sacrifice they made, nor let it be in vain. Praise Allah.”

The quote was one of the few things still remaining on the statue. The features couldn’t be identified other than it might have been male. There was an outreaching arm but the sand had scoured the hand from the appendage and rendered the figure a shapeless blur.

Shahar gave a small snort as she gazed through around at the barren landscape. She reached up and touched a button on the side and the sand dune in the distance was magnified. The readers flashing in front of her were not picking up anything worth noting. Small blips of life but nothing large.

She pushed herself up and tugged on the lead. The camel gave a groan before getting to its feet, giving in to the command to keep moving. Metal jingled together as the armor plates over its body and neck hit against one another. She had thought the statue would mean a small town but it was a remnant of what had once been. Someone thought they would inspire with the phrase engraved on it. It only served to show how stupid they had been.

The desert was taking back the land.

A sniff and she clicked her tongue to keep moving. She hadn’t taken more steps before there was a grinding sound, metal on metal. The rifle over her shoulder was swung around and she gave a sharp command to the camel to lower down again.

Sand hissed as it was displaced behind the statue. Shahar used it as cover, aiming between the legs.

There was a loud call in the air as four wrapped up forms jumped out of the lift and ran towards her, their own weapons in hands.

No one called out a greeting. Which meant that as far as she was concerned, they were bandits that wanted her goods an animal. She wasn’t going to give up either of them so easily.

She didn’t fool around as she fired at the chests of the two coming towards her. One flew backwards to land with a thud and the other’s shoulder jerked backwards and the bandit’s steps paused before he came towards her again.

The other two who had come up laid low, using the lift they had come up in as shelter.

A stray shot bounced of the plating on her camel. The beast gave a growl and lowered its head down in response. Shahar scowled underneath the mask and pulled the small ball shaped object off the bandolier across her chest and pulled the pin before throwing it in their direction.

There was a pause in the gunfire before they yelled. She used the moment to climb up into the saddle, kicking her foot against the camel’s side. A switch to the flank had the lumbering mammal moving faster away from the bandits before there was an explosion behind her.

This past week, many of us, especially in the United States, took a moment to remember friends and loved ones and the sense of shock and loss for a nation during the events of September 11, 2001. Many people died in the attacks, in the rescue efforts and in the military response that followed.Whatever our political or religious beliefs, we have our own ways of remembering lives that were lost to tragedy. Use this week’s prompt to explore those ideas. Or use it to explain why the moon is made out of cheese. It’s your prompt after all. I look forward to reading your stories!

The Judge

Last week's winner, Mark Ethridge is a talented author, poet and lover of alternative music. Check out his website: My Soul's Tears to find out more.

The Prompt

[I/We/He/She] will never forget the sacrifice [he/she/they] made, nor let it be in vain

The Rules

The story must start from the prompt. This means the prompt must be the first words in the story.

No more than 500 words (not including the prompt). No less than 100 words.

Any genre (in fact an unexpected genre will get you more points.)

Entries must be submitted by Tuesday Noon EST

The winner of each week's competition will be invited to judge the following week and post the winner's badge similar to the one on the right.

Have fun!

The Prize

In addition to judging next week, this week's winner will get a free copy of Transylmania by Wakefield Mahon

Dana convinces her roommate, Leah,to visit Transylvania on Halloween for the amusement value, but the fun runs out when they discover real witches, vampires and werewolves.

Dana and her whimsical ideas are always getting Leah into trouble. As predicted, their backpacking trip across Romania turns into a nightmare, one worse than either could imagine. Fortunately, Leah has a secret that might just save the day.

Judge's Comments

Even with a tightly directed prompt this week (sheesh mareesh, promptmeister!), what a pleasure it was seeing the myriad directions you awesome imagineers took the idea. Thanks so much for helping spur on your fellow writers by participating in this weekly contest and struttin' your stuff, and thanks for allowing me the privilege of judging.

General Comments

Nick Johns: A fun take on Stonehenge! Some of your wording grabbed me--pale fingers of daylight; rough, unfeeling hands. Tangible, visceral writing. L.T. Dalin: Sort of the anti Lord of the Flies; I liked reading of a disaster bringing people together instead of dividing them. If only!! Sheilagh Lee: Your story made me thankful (again) for hospitals and epidurals and was a refreshing reminder of how brave and resilient our ancestors were. Siobhan Muir: LOVE Sabrina's wry, wistful voice. Bullish Ink: The underworld this time really IS in the underworld. This story was a riot, and you made me want to read more. Nellie: Love your protagonist's determination. And "spider bots" just makes me plain happy. Marie Frizelle: Ooo, how fascinating seeing the world's destruction from its creator's POV. I love how you humanized her, how she anguished over destroying her people.

Honorable Mention

Alissa Leonard @lissajean7: This whole story is COOL, and I want to know more: what (or who) caused the destruction, and why are all these babies being born now amongst the wolves (whose experiment was this?)? what is the force that compels the dragon? Really wonderful plotting. Please flesh out this story and publish it at your earliest convenience. Thank you

Winner

Mark Ethridge @LurchMunster: I love how you managed to squish both plot and pathos into a scant 332 words. The wandering not-really-aliens and their prosaic hope for (presumably) Earth are compelling; their grim optimism binds the tale together from start to finish. Nice job!

UntitledBy Mark Ethridge

Wild grass and weeds had grown up; reclaiming what was once evidence of eons of technological advances. It was as we’d planned it. We’d left our home world three centuries earlier. Taking our machines with us. Waiting for all signs of our existence to fade away. Waiting for the natural balance of the planet to be restored.

We have cities on all planets of the system. Even Mercury, with its insane levels of solar radiation, and extreme heat and cold. We have colonies on all the planetoids in the Kuiper belt. We have stations in place between here an Proxima Centauri. And soon, we will have colonies there. We will have spread to two star systems. From there, we will continue to spread.

There are hundreds of billions of us. In time, there will be more of us than can be counted. We have escaped the bonds of our home world. We are no longer at risk of being wiped from existence by a single disaster. We have sent our machines ahead of us, to the 20 closest star systems. We have learned.

We are alone in our galaxy. There are no other races. No other people. That populate any star systems, anywhere. There is life, yes. Life is everywhere. It takes all kinds of forms. It thrives in all kinds of environments. But, we alone have escaped the confines of a single world. A single star.

And, after our centuries of exploring, we are lonely.

This is why we have set our home world free. This is why we protect it from danger, preventing asteroid and comet strikes. This is why we wait. And watch. We watch the dolphins, and the whales. And especially the other mammals. The ones with thumbs. We hope that someday, given time, our birthplace will sire another race like us. So we won’t be alone any more. Until then, we will watch. And wait. There is no rush. We have nothing but time.

2012 is the year of the apocalypse, at least in pop culture and entertainment. Use this week's prompt to express your ideas or explore someone else's ideas about death, rebirth, hope, despair and the essence of mortality.

*Reminder*The Song Stories anthology submissions are in full swing. A few Motivation Monday regulars have joined the list of talented authors already participating in this anthology. Don't miss out! The submission call closes December 1

The Judge

I'm happy to report my good friend and one of my favorite writers has yet again stepped up to the challenge, earning this week's judging chair.

Rebekah Postupak doesn't yet have a web blog, but you can follow her on Twitter and check out her amazing entries all around the flash fiction circuit.

Prompt

Wild grass and weeds had grown up; reclaiming what was once evidence of [six thousand years] of technological advances.

*replace with as many days, weeks, months, years, centuries or aeons fits your story

The Rules

The story must start from the prompt. This means the prompt must be the first words in the story.

No more than 500 words (not including the prompt). No less than 100 words.

Any genre (in fact an unexpected genre will get you more points.)

Entries must be submitted by Tuesday Noon EST

The winner of each week's competition will be invited to judge the following week and post the winner's badge similar to the one on the right.

Have fun!

Sample Story

New BeginningsBy Wakefield MahonWild grass and weeds had grown up; reclaiming what was once evidence of six thousand years of technological advances. The shuttle was a last ditch effort to save a human race on the brink of self-destruction.

The plan was to land on the nearest inhabitable planet but a computer error botched the landing. To make matters worse, most of the stasis units malfunctioned 80 light years ago. Adam awoke to a macabre museum of mankind. He shuddered to think of his wife Lilly in her last moments.He stared at the wreckage of the crash site. Years of therapy wouldn’t help him overcome the survivor’s guilt. Not that there were any therapists left. He knew he had to keep moving to survive, but some days it felt like all his reasons to keep going were long gone.He felt a small tug on his hand. Not all of his reasons were gone. He smiled down at the little boy with Lilly’s sweet eyes. “Hey there little man! What’s up?”“Aunt Eve says she needs your help in the garden, papa.”“Tell her I’ll be right there.” Adam took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I’m just saying good bye.”

200 words@WakefieldMahon

Another Incentive

Just for fun:

This week's winner will receive a free copy of my latest short story, "The Messenger"

An angelic messenger tries to deliver an important message to a man on the edge of disaster, but demonic forces keep getting in the way.

Judges Notes

Right out the gate I had zombies and monsters and vampires, oh my! But seriously, it's hard enough to pull a twist on a reader under ordinary circumstances and here I knew a twist was coming but you all still managed to surprise me. Nicely done.

Robin Abess:I knew something was afoot but not zombies even after the cemetery was mentioned. All the focus was on the little girl. I liked the long lead up and then when disaster struck, it was quick and total.

H.L. Pauff:You almost don't think something bad is going to happen in this but it does. I love that it took place on a train because once you get to the end, you have a greater sense of fear because you're trapped on train.

Jeffrey Hollar:This guardian angel is not what you would assume. He's freelance? He can be a reaper? Good portrayal of the preconceived notion because I certainly had some.

David A LudwigThere's a lot that isn't what it seems here. I liked the contrasts of the cute little Asian with the nasty scar and the crazy lady in a wedding dress.Chessny Silth:A tale where the monsters are expected and don't show up. There's a reversal I didn't see coming. No carnage, no terror, just a smile.

Honorable Mention

Lisa McCourt Hollar:Such a vivid portrayal of the skeevy downside to blind dates (I met my husband on a blind date) and your descriptions and actions were so detailed that I felt dirty just reading this. It's always nice to see a lowlife get some payback...and the lowlife wasn't the vampire!

Winner

The Roastby Rebekah Postupak

“There was something about the woman that made me uneasy,” said Paula.

“Oh, me too, for sure,” said Nance. “She almost made me ill, actually.”

“Looked fine to me,” said George. “Great car, I thought.”

“Well, you’re a man,” said Paula. “We wouldn’t expect you to notice anything.”

“Men never do,” said Nance. “Blind as bats.”

“Idiots,” sniffed Irene.

“As I was saying, something just seemed *off* about her,” said Paula. “It wasn’t her clothes, exactly—”

“Oh, no, her clothes were fine,” said Nance. “Her skirt was really cute. I wonder where she got it. It kind of shimmered.”

“It was a cute skirt,” Paula agreed. “But she still seemed, oh, I don’t know. Wrong.”

“I liked her shoes,” said Svieta. She didn’t usually speak up at these post-block-party meetings, but surely nobody could argue against such a perfect pair of candy apple red heels.

“I know, right??” said Nance enthusiastically. “What a great red! Not too perky, not too dull. I want a pair.”

Paula felt herself rapidly losing control of the discussion. “We need to talk about whether she’s right for our neighborhood—”

“Red can be ‘perky’?” said George, shaking his head in mock amazement.

Nance giggled. “Oh, you *are* a hoot, George! Like you don’t know your reds better than any of us.”

“You totally nailed the red in my kitchen,” Irene agreed. “In fact, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind taking a look at the den, next.”

Fury crawled up the back of Paula’s neck like a dozen tiny scorpions. “Back to today’s newcomer…”

“I thought she was nice.” Svieta couldn’t believe she’d dared say it. She studied the floor intently. How would the others respond?

“Bravo!” said Irene. “And since you made the motion, let me second it. Lizzie stays!”

“I’m just saying, maybe we should take a little time before voting,” she said weakly.

George raised an eyebrow. “We all seem to be fine with her except you.”

“Yeah, what’s your problem?” said Irene.

“She makes me nervous,” Paula whispered. “She’s creepy.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” said Nance. “Creepy is as creepy does.”

Irene threw a barbecue mitt at Nance. “That doesn’t even make sense. Anyway, times are changing. We need to get used to the short-toothed kind.”

“Yeah. Not everybody can be lunch,” Svieta said, feeling bolder by the minute. “And it won’t kill us to let her stay.”

The room fell silent as everyone now gaped at their newest member, her words still hanging awkwardly in the air.

Paula swallowed hard.

Swallowed again, almost choking with the effort.

But it was no use. Within moments the howling laughter of an entire garage full of vampires echoed down the empty street.Judge's CommentIt can be difficult to do character dialogue with so many voices but these were easy to follow and the personalities still came through. No way was I imagining domestic vampires and I loved the line "Fury crawled up the back of Paula's neck like a dozen tiny scorpions." Intriguing piece for sure.

Happy Labor Day! I hope most of you are enjoying a day off from work. Hopefully, you'll have a few moments to share your wonderful stories with us.

We talk about the dangers of prejudice, but all of us have it, no matter how open-minded we like to believe we are. When you first meet someone, you innately trust or distrust them based on appearance, speech and the circumstances under which you met. I'd like to explore that theme today.

The Judge

Married, childless, long term desk jockey trying to write my way out of the box. I live in a 107 year old home, have a really big Rottweiler and make dessert wine from concord grapes and plums. I’m currently working on a novel and trying to let myself write what I need to, not what I feel pressured to. When I get writer’s block, I write poems, since they’re the only things I can seem to finish! Some of them are posted at www.mariefrizelle.com

The Prompt

There was something about the [man/woman/boy/girl] that made me uneasy.

The Rules

The story must start from the prompt. This means the prompt must be the first words in the story.

No more than 500 words (not including the prompt). No less than 100 words.

Any genre (in fact an unexpected genre will get you more points.)

Entries must be submitted by Tuesday Noon EST

The winner of each week's competition will be invited to judge the following week and post the winner's badge similar to the one on the right.