I finished reading and then just sort of stared off for a while, thinking. Thinking about what I would do with 2 days completely alone. Thinking about the last time I had done just that. And realizing that the answer was………….NEVER.

Yes, I’ve had my share of “Mom’s Days”. And I did a teeny amount of business travel, way back before kids. But I don’t count those.

What I was now thinking obsessing about was 2 days away from home, alone. No plans, no schedule, no reservations. And I decided that I wanted to do this. When and how, I didn’t know. But even just thinking about it made me giddy with the possibilities.

And then we had “one of those” months. And though it wasn’t quite earth shattering, it was just enough of a game-changer to add just enough stress to just about push me to the edge of my reserves.

You know about reserves, right? As a mom, they are in endless supply. Till one day they’re not. And then you’re running on fumes, thinking you’ve still got it all under control because you have to. Because EVERYONE is counting on you. Because no one can do it as well as you.

But I eventually broke. And Mike saw it coming and asked what he could do. And I told him I needed to get away, just for a night, to clear my head and fill up those reserves.

I took the subway to Brooklyn to check out Dekalb Market, a unique flea and food market – unique because it operates out of a collection of salvaged shipping containers, and houses a working farm too. The combination of the gray skies, brightly colored containers and overall grittiness of the setting made for a totally engaging morning. It was a great beginning (the Robicelli’s cupcake didn’t hurt).

And then I crashed, surrounded by my lap top, magazines, DVD’s and garden sketches. It was messy and wonderful.

Next morning I ate breakfast in my room and worked (in bed) for a few hours. I wasn’t sure about how I wanted to finish my day, but it was a glorious afternoon so I headed up to the High Line. It was packed with tourists, as I knew it would be, but there were a few pockets of peacefulness nonetheless.

And then I went home.

It may not seem like a big deal – I was only gone for 30 hours – but it felt like so much more. And in many ways it WAS more. I didn’t have to “work backward” from a nap, or a meal or a departure time. The day was completely open–ended, allowing me to change course, backtrack and linger – without any thought to having to be any place else.

I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Some good:

Most, not so much:

I viewed the city from vantage points, and during times of day that I don’t normally get to see:

And I was quiet. Even in the thick of all the people, cars and noise, I didn’t have to talk – or listen. I got to just be in my own head, and I walked and walked, and thought my thoughts till I could actually feel those reserves filling back up.

My dear and very wise friend Kerri talks about this concept often – about the need for all of us, but especially moms, to make time for ourselves. And I listen, nod vigorously and agree wholeheartedly. And then never do it. And I have only myself to blame.

After dinner I told Mike all about my weekend, how great it was, and how much I appreciated it. He suggested that maybe I do it a few times a year, and my immediate reaction was, “Oh, no, no no. That’s way too much. Once a year is perfect”.

Okay, maybe twice.

We’ll see.

I’m curious – whether you’re single or not, with kids big, little or even all grown up – do you make it a priority to give yourself “you time”? And what does that mean to each of you? I’d love to know.

42 Responses to “me. myself. and i.”

I think it’s great for both parents to take a little time for themselves, and that may mean something different to each of them. I have traveled alone and really love the independence, but I am thinking of going someplace local to get away real soon! I am glad you did it, and hopefully it was guilt free!!! And I must now eat one of those donuts…… 🙂

Sheri, this is one of my favorite things that you’ve ever written. Truly beautiful and inspiring. I can’t think of the last time I spent 24 hours completely alone. But now I want to. And I want to do it in NYC! The pictures were also gorgeous. Thanks.

I have been going on an annual “by myself” trip to NYC for a number of years now. Both for the time alone to recharge and for the creative inspiration of museums and theatre and galleries and walking. All that walking.

When the girl was a baby, a real tiny baby, I’d scoot away for one night in a hotel in town. Even that was heaven!

Sheri, this is perfect! And one of those things the universe has been saying to me again and again lately. Karen Walrond talked about it a bit this week, having a whole day to herself at a hotel to do whatever she wanted, and Sandra was doing the same thing when she visited NYC. I LOVE the idea. I have been regularly grabbing a few hours to myself over the last few years, since I have had kids, but never an overnight. Might be time to make that change. I have 3 hours to myself every weekday, but there is always something coming up that I have to remember. For me the pleasure would be in having no deadlines, no one to think about but me, and not having to talk. Thank you for the inspiration!

Thanks Leslie – yes, before Noah, my kids were gone all day for school. And while I enjoyed those long stretches I was always (as you know) “mindful” of a stop-time. NOT having that was probably one of the highlights of the weekend for me (and the NO talking – even I get tired of the sound of my own voice after a while!) 🙂

Sheri, I am so inspired! And impressed! And I don’t know why, but incredibly proud. I love to see moms take time for themselves. 20 hours—it’s not a lot, and yet, it makes all the difference in the world.

Thank you so much – I really appreciate that comment as I felt “proud” too (and felt weird feeling it!) – you expressed why better than I ever could. It really did make all the difference. Hope our paths cross a little closer soon! 🙂

Just last night, I told my husband that the best mothers day gift would be a gift card that entitles me to 24 hours alone locked in a hotel room! I swear, had this very conversation! I was sort of joking because it sounds ridiculous at first. But I was sort of serious too! Love that you did this. Hope I do it someday (soon!). I assure you my day would involve lots of walking and good eats too. And probably some retail therapy ;). xo

That is so true – I always promise that I will make time for myself but never do. Your 30 hour absence from the home-front sounds wonderful. How lovely to have that serenity and timelessness and lack of scheduling. Yes, once or twice a year of this kind of break sounds very therapeutic xx

FINALLY I get to read this! And I knew I would love it, because this is the exact same thing I like to do! I’ve done it three times now–staying for a whole weekend alone in a hotel downtown. Granted, downtown Knoxville is not NYC, but you’d be surprised how much there is to see and do. And a big part of what I did was walk! (http://lesliesholly.wordpress.com/2010/05/01/two-walks/) There is something so refreshing and soul-calming about total aloneness when you are not used to it. I come back with a feeling of balance and peace that are hard to shake–at least for awhile. 🙂 Glad you got to experience it too!

I’m so glad you were able to take a break. I’m a firm believer or moms taking a break every once in awhile. I’ve been on a few trips by myself and it makes it so much easier to come home and be a good mom again. Or at least better than I was before I left.

I love all these photos. It makes me miss NYC so much. Maybe I’ll have to plan a little trip out by myself this summer. 🙂

Sheri, I’m going away this weekend (to a yoga retreat). It’s Friday to Sunday and I keep wondering, is it enough? Is it too much? When we’re in the thick of it, it’s so hard to gauge how much time we need to actually fill those reserves. This weekend, I’ll be inspired by your 30 hours. xo

Have fun Britta – for me, the complete “unplannedness” (is that a word?) was key – and I think made the time feel more indulgent and slow-paced. It felt like just enough. Please let me know how your weekend is (maybe over a drink soon?)! xo

This post is so interesting but mostly because I can’t even fathom the idea of having only 30 hours alone in an entire year! I recently moved to a new country and pretty much have all the alone time I could possibly want but I often read and hear stories from different mothers about the importance of this alone time. Two girlfriends are visiting soon without their children or husbands and this post makes me think perhaps a very open schedule may be the best agenda, so thanks!

Sheri – it sounds like a lovely adventure! I’m sorry it’s been such a rough time for you, but glad you were able to take some time to yourself. It’s so very important. I hope you can enjoy more such days!

But you know what line resonated with me the most? The idea of not having to listen. I didn’t realize how exhausted I am as a parent at having to listen so much. Thanks for the lovely post and sharing so many beautiful images.

Thanks so much for your note! This post clearly struck a chord with many moms out there. And I DON’T know why it’s so hard – in the end, it was really so easy. Best part? I was feeling the benefits of it almost a week later! 🙂