Blinded by bonds

Whether your partner in life is a spendthrift or a scrooge, financial incompatibility can really cool a romance, especially when money is tight.

Financial stress is one of the main reasons relationships suffer.

The director of operations at Relationships Australia, Lyn Fletcher, says many people find their discussions about money end in arguments, which can lead to avoidance or ongoing difficulties in communicating about money.

''It's not just about money but also what money represents - our way of life, our expectations and our dreams,'' she says. ''Talking about money often goes to the heart of what we want out of life, and this can make us feel a bit touchy and vulnerable.''

''I can talk to two people in a relationship with the same money [the same household income] and get two different versions about what is going on,'' she says.

''The only way that this is possible is if they are not talking to each other.''

Lane has come across almost every imaginable way that couples deal with money.

''There are the people who hand it all over to one person to manage everything,'' she says. ''One thing wrong with that is if the person dies or leaves them - it's a nightmare.

''Traditionally, that has been the male but there are plenty of women now who run the household finances.''

The Australian Securities and Investments Commission's MoneySmart website at moneysmart.gov.au provides tips to help couples manage their money.

The senior executive of MoneySmart, Robert Drake, says it is important to keep a sense of your financial self and not be blinded by love. Consider the consequences of being in the dark over finances.

For example, if considering a joint loan, make sure to understand your responsibilities and agree on the terms, Drake says.

''If your partner defaults, you may be liable for the whole amount, plus fees, interest and charges, even if your relationship ends.''

Katherine Lane says it is rare to get two people with exactly the same money habits.

Some like to spend and rack up debt on the credit card, while others are much more careful. The answer is going to involve finding a middle ground, she says.

The co-chief executive of the Consumer Law Centre in Victoria, Carolyn Bond, says a lot of our decisions about money are not as practical or rational as we think. ''Everyone's behaviour is influenced to some extent by personal and emotional issues,'' she says.

Bond says the best approach is to develop money habits and a routine so money is automatically put aside to pay the bills, to pay the mortgage and so on.

''But in order to do that you need to put in some planning upfront,'' she says.

''Aim for changes that are realistic and long-term.''

You do not want to be like someone who makes a big commitment to go on a diet only to find it proves too much, she says.