Why Our Family Doesn’t Limit Screen Time

Our family doesn’t limit screen time; however, we are on a mission to teach our children self-moderation and balance.

I admit, when I hear parents talking about adding strict time limits to iPad use or forcing their kids to earn screen time with chores, I shake my head and think, “No, no, no. You’re looking at this situation backwards.” Here’s my logic:

I was eight, but I remember it like it was like yesterday… My two cousins peeked around the corner, cautiously watching their mom leave the house. They waited until the screen door banged shut, then they flipped the channel.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“We’re watching The Three Stooges.”

“Why? The cartoon was better,” I argued.

“Because we’re not supposed to.”

See, the thing is, restriction makes even the mundane appealing. Creating usage charts, making kids earn screen time, and setting strict or rigid limits for your kids… in my opinion, most of these approaches just make screen time seem even more appealing than it already is.

We have to stop pretending we can “unplug” our children and instead think forward. Technology is an integrated part of our kids’ lives… and it will continue to be throughout their lives. We need to change the conversations we’re having with our children.

Instead of restricting screen time, we need to teach our children balance in a world where technology is abundant. We must introduce them to the concept of mindful usage. How?

1. Set self-imposed usage guidelines. Chat with your children about what they think is a reasonable amount of screen time. The depth of the conversation will depend on the age of your child. Toddlers to teens will all have their own thoughts; both will likely start with an absurdly high number. Rather than knocking their suggestion, use questions to bring usage time down to a range where you feel comfortable. Your kiddos need to know your family’s general stance towards screen time.

2. Realize that sometimes it rains. When we create strict limits with anything (dieting, exercise routines, meal planning), life tends to get in the way. Instead of providing your child strict limits, teach your kids to asses situations and to be flexible accordingly. So if it’s a rainy day, your kiddo might play an extra 30 minutes on PBS Kids. No biggie.

3. Rise above,”Do as I say, not as I do.” Think about how you use YOUR phone or tablet. Are you sneaking a “quick peek” at your phone because your kiddo’s story about a friend seems like it’s going on forever? Flip the scenario and think forward. Imagine you’re trying to talk to your teen daughter and she starts fiddling with her phone mid-conversation. Can you imagine your response? “Are you even listening to me?!?”

When you’re using screens, think forward about all the ways you are setting examples for your kids:

Do you check text messages at stoplights?

Do you look at Facebook while the grocer packs your items (instead of interacting with him)?

Do you leave the dinner table when you hear that ping to check a text message?

Do you play on your laptop or tablet while you talk to your spouse at night?

I know I’m guilty of ALL of these things on occasion. When I think forward, though, it really helps me put my mindless actions into perspective, so I can set a better example.

4. Recognize that not all screen time is equal. It’s important for your kids to understand this and be mindful of their choices. Following along with a drawing tutorial on Art Hub for Kids, doing a lesson on Khan Academy, or playing Math vs. Zombie is different than playing Subway Surfers. Talk with your kids about enriching ways they can use their screen time. (Of course, this is an ongoing lesson that will happen over the course of many discussions.)

5. Inspire your child to live offline. When you see your child on a screen, entice him or her with an offline adventure, project, or idea. So often parents (including myself, at times) default to a screen as a quick fix during the witching hour. Keep your eyes open for alternative solutions and BOOKMARK or pin them for later.

Encourage your kids to spend time outdoors. Introduce them to your hobbies, try things like: baking, painting, photography, quilting, birding, etc. (Hint: Never underestimate the power of traditional board games!) The point of all these things is simply to get them interacting with the real world around them.

In the end, I’d argue we need to teach our kids self-moderation and balance, with a bit of flexibility thrown in.

. . .

So, I’ve been playing with a new app on my iPhone this week called OurPact. What first caught my attention was the company’s mission statement:

OurPact empowers parents to guide their children through the balanced use of technology.

OurPact is a breakthrough parental control app that harnesses the power of Internet and Application blocking in order to teach children proper device use and responsibility. By syncing your family’s devices to OurPact, you now have the power to manage your entire family’s device use under one platform.

After the girls and I chatted about what THEY thought was a good amount of weekly screen time, we added a schedule in OurPact. Since they helped create the schedule, they felt in control and empowered by the situation. We currently have two blocked periods at our house: dinner and bedtime (see another schedule example in the graphic above).

What I like most about OurPact, though, is the flexibility to modify the schedule (or access, in general) based on any given situation. You can override the schedule with the touch of a button. All and all, pretty cool stuff.

As we discuss this topic, I can’t help but think of this quote…

I’d love to chat with you in the comments below. How are you handling screen time at your house? What has worked — or failed — with your kiddos? How are you teaching them responsibility, moderation, and mindfulness when it comes to technology? We’re all in this together. Let’s talk.

P.S. Responsibility can be taught through technology. OurPact allows parents and children to use the world of mobile to strengthen their relationships through open communication. We are excited to be part of this OurPact giveaway. Wishing you luck!

OurPact iPad Air2 Giveaway

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Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored post.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via a cash payment, gift, or something else of value to write it. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Comments

Zina, what a great post! I’m so with you! By setting strict rules and guidelines around screen time you’re creating a horrible situation in a home. Kids always want to do what you tell them they shouldn’t. We embrace technology in our house as well, and it’s true that kids should be a part of setting their own limits when it comes to screen time. Love how easy the app looks like it is to use. Going to check it out now!

I really needed this, because we have totally failed at screen time limits! We did exactly as you say not to. To be fair, we had good intentions. Our children (now 6 and 5) were adopted from foster care and over the past couple years they have worked throuth some very serious behavioral issues. Unfortunately, that involved suggestions from therapists for complete restrictions from screen time. Now I feel it’s blown totally out of our control and we’re sliding down a slippery slope where there are major tantrums over TV (including in his kindergarten class). It’s become our go-to consequence to take away screen time when he isn’t behaving because it’s the one thing that he actually cares about. At this point, I’m not sure he can control himself around electronics, so I would appreciate any advice you have… we’re getting desperate.

I recommend you to read asap the book “you are not the boss of me” from Ruth Ker. Its an amasing book. Its about the 6/7 years old change. I wished to read this book when my son was around 4 to get preperad. Im realif I can help my other 2 kids in this important moment.

Kristin, kids who have experienced trauma often have different needs and need different parenting techniques. We were foster parents to 35+ children and are raising our 2 youngest children who are adopted fro foster care. We find they behave best when they have as little screen time as possible. It’s TOUGH because the reality is that it works. They do okay with a little bit of TV but computer games just seem to make them go crazy when they have to get off. It sends them into a zone. Nancy Thomas has some wonderful information about this and why it is, in her books and videos. I have written some posts on my website too, and feel free to send me a message on my website. God bless you for the parenting you are doing. I know it’s not easy!

I seem to agree with you on this Sara. We have sat down with our daughters 15 and 12 and discussed the amount of time of usage of digatal time. They have more freedom during the summer months and have alotted 3-4, 20 mins at a time. They set their own timer on their phone and they have been honoring what we’ve agreed upon. We have a turn in your devise in our home where we have them place all devises. We have drawn up an agreement with a contract that they sign. We too, as parents monitor our own time and set an example as parents. I think teaching them balance with limits because they are still young and need disapline. Not setting boundaries is not a good approach, but speaking to them about truth and showing them WHY being on a devise with distractions can ruin their lives. I believe this is why this technology world is dangerous because we can’t learn to sit and just be….be quite, use your creativeness without a devise to tell you what to do. I also think that this generation will have a hard time listening to the Holy Spirit that tries to speak to us. My 12 year old just this evening was speaking to me about how she doesn’t hear the voice of God in her. We discussed that it takes practice and trying to be quite in our minds and listen. We don’t listen anymore…how are we to teach our children what’s the most important thing in their lives is truly listening. They can’t do this when they are distracted with their phones going off. Human connection is what truly matters….one on one quality time together. Playing games, cards and reaching to our children have become replaced with screen time. I’m not saying….oh, let’s totally remove all technology, but I think we have to teach them how to use or they will use all the time. We also as a family when we are together we all put our phones on the kitchen table and we spend time together laughing and bonding. We have lost this connection with our kids and we need to get this back again or we are in huge trouble. We have an 18 year old son with severe disabilities and he has taught all about love and human connection. We are blessed beyond belief that we have him in our lives. He has become our greatest teacher! He brings us together, doing things together, my girls play with him and have learned from him. We still have to be parents to our children…we have a responsibility to help them, guide them and teach them balance through love and genuine respect!!!

I get your idea. Time is partly the heart of the concern. Raising discerning families about screen content and the relationship impact is also an awesome point.
Suggestions about waiting around at sporting events? The distraction of someone else’s screen while waiting for a sibling to finish hurts our children’s social skills or enjoyment of watching the sport or visiting with a parent. That doesn’t even touch on what the content might be and how to pull your young child away from inappropriate screen time that someone else may not be aware of as graphic or inappropriate. What my children have seen in the school bus is also concerning.

Interestingly enough I always mention “limiting screen time” but I never pull through and end up leaving it up to my son. I would always ask him if he thinks that was enough TV for the day? And I agree with everything in your post here. Also our children are growing up in a different generation, their ability to surf the web/use tech gadgets are essential in day to day socializing, learning and more unlike our childhood when screen time was just TV time.

We kind of limit. My kids have Kindles (yes they actually read books on them), but we don’t really use the Free a time app much, simply because the content is more for preschool aged through 2nd grade. My son is starting middle school. Anyway, we limit based on the day, behavior, etc. But once bedtime rolls around, Kindles are off. Today for example, we’ve all being working hard around the house, and they go back to school tomorrow, so if they want to zone out in front of their new Lego Batman game or play music on their Kindles, more power to them. I don’t blame them a bit. Between school and soccer, they won’t have much time for electronics anyway.

I love OurPact because of the flexibility, ease of use and being able to limit the kiddos access. I will chime in that the downside is that it doesn’t lock out calling/texting/iBooks … May seem silly but I feel like I should have that option. I’d love to see an advanced setup where you can leave some apps on (reading/learning) and turn others off (if that’s an option, I haven’t figured out how to do it).

Thanks for posting! This summer was a bit of a struggle for us. Luckily once school re-opens we wont have much of an issue as screen time is limited to weekends only. I’m definitely going to check out the OurPact app though, if I can block youtube then it’s worth it’s weight in gold. The drawing tutorials on Art Hub for kids are awesome! My daughter is doing one of them right now. Thanks again!

It’s a great article. I need to hear from parents who tried self-moderation on kids who are prone to be addicted to screens and were successful. Maybe, I’ll try this to see whether my son can self-moderate and be an example.
See, my son is addicted to playing games on iphone, ipad and computer. If you let him, he’ll lose time playing games and watching videos along with himself. Even with the very generous screen time, there is always “more, please?”. He has many other options to entertain him indoors or outdoors, yet his only goal during the day is to play as much as he can. During the summer, when he has pool and neighbor friends to play with or a basement full of toys and stacks of books to read, it was a struggle to separate him from his computer chair. My daughter on the other hand can totally self-moderate even without us telling her. She just keeps moving from one activity to another by herself.
Now that the school has started, we’ll have to put things back in order. I’ll try your advice and have discussion first to have them decide themselves and see where it’ll take us.

Completely agree. My 12 year old is not capable of moderation. He will sit in front of a screen for 8 hours forsaking friends, homework, chores, eating, etc. only to emerge crabby, irritable and desperately wanting more screen time. He is like a junkie. My 9 year old is the complete opposite and can take or leave screen time, most of the time she would rather be playing outside or with friends or reading. It doesn’t work with every child.

He’s 10 years old & will for go, food, friends, tv, reading, riding his bike, even going to the bathroom in order to play on his iPad/Xbox one/ps4. He will emerge from his hypnotic state after many hours (if I’d let him) only to be fussy, angry, irritable & starving!

This past summer, he got away with a LOT….then I had to drop the hammer when school started…and it’s been, well, it’s been a journey. I set up a schedule on OurPact that goes from dinner through to well bedtime at 10:15pm (so he has access if he needs it for school the next day) and that turd figured out WHEN OurPact granted access, stayed up until it did! I caught him 1 morning up at 1:45am!!!! Watching YouTube on a school night!

I couldn’t believe it. Now I use the “deny access until I say button” at all times. Then he figured out how to delete the profile from his iPad…I reinstalled but it’s been a losing battle with MANY sleepless nights for me & him, with many frantic mornings with him tired & angry about it, then being late for school.

I’m at my wits end. It’s like he’s a drug addict & the iPad is the drug! I have tried EVERYTHING, so now, I hide the iPad. If he finds it. I hide it again. May need to sell it. Ever since I received the damned iPad as a gift it has been a curse. It’s changed my son from a reasonably behaved child into an absolute little ass.

I think there’s a few issues here. Of course we all try to do our best and each child is different but from a clinical perspective I feel that a 10:15 bedtime for 10 year old is much too late. He needs a solid 10-11 hours of sleep at his age. 8:30/9 would be better depending on what time he has to get up for school. Also what kind of games is he playing on his Xbox/PS4? Are they violent? Studies show that when children, especially boys, play violent video games, especially for long periods of time, that the games affects their mood. You wouldn’t believe the changes I’ve seen in boys just from them not playing video games that feature violence. Those games MADE to be addictive. It maybe beneficial to do a technology, for lack of better term, detox. This will be very hard for who knows how long but the long term benefits out weight the short term struggle. Be prepared with other things for him to do that will replace the time spent in front of a screen. Then slowly reintroduce supervised game time. You never know who or what a kid can come across if they know their parent isn’t looking over their shoulder. Also you have to be consistent. Rules that benefit your son don’t change just because he has time off school. I hope this helps. Hang in there Mom. Raising kids is never easy but it’s even harder nowadays.

My son sounds exactly like this. He is 9. I have found a solution. My family says I’m too extreme with him but I’m seeing results. Go to Amazon.com. Type in kitchen safe time locking container. Your gonna spend $60 but it is worth it. this is a container with a latching time locking lid. The timer goes from 5minutes to 10 days. Once you start the timer, you CANNOT OPEN IT UNTIL TIME IS UP. Even removing the batteries does not work. The timer has internal batteries. 😊 place Xbox play station remotes, phones, tablets, atv keys, ect in it and start the timer. The boxes are available in clear or solid colors. I got clear ones so he can see what’s inside

I have a wireless router that allows me to block individual devices from our wireless. When I want to, I just choose the device, block it, and poof – no more internet. When I want to allow access, I just choose the device, unblock it, and he can sit and zone until his brains run like pudding from his ears. Of course, we got the wi-fi only iPad, so this would not help if the iPad in question has its own data plan.

Absolutely, thank you. It’s why we’re parents. Most kids and many adults have a hard time with self-discipline. The parent voice becomes the child’s inner voice as a grown up and i believe this has major influence on teaching ourselves to tell ourselves, “No.” While there are some valid points with this article in allowing children to understand and explore their desires and needs, i feel there still needs to be a guiding voice, the grown-up, sometimes has to be the responsible one and enforce that enough is enough. Some children have a hard time navigating their needs no matter how freedom they get.

Agree! And so glad to hear that there are others in this boat. I have 3 kids and my oldest has been a screen addict since she was tiny. She needs to have it limited because she cannot self-regulate that, at this point anyway. Although she is an excellent self-regulator with many other things. When we have tried periods of screen freedom or even let her have long times of screen use, she emerges hungry, cranky, and whining for more. Her two younger siblings could take or leave screen time – even though we have the “enticing” limiting in place. I think, as with SO many parenting things, that it is always great to have different ideas and techniques to choose from BUT that people should not judge those that choose differently. There may be a very good, and necessary, reason that parents have screen time rules in their home.

I agree!! My husband and I were raised on TV and when we met, neither of us owned one. We have even opted to forgo smart phones. He is a professor with many creative hobbies and I am a therapist and artist. We do have a laptop and an iPad and chose to introduce minimal screen time after age two. We’ve done short, 3-5 minute videos from you tube. We’ve decided to show by example how to moderate and do to it for them until they have the appropriate brain development to do it themselves. We didn’t want a TV to be the central focus of out home. Honestly, every adult that I know that didn’t grow up with TV is so well rounded, creative, and intelligent. I look at this similar to sugar, I don’t let them moderate sweets on their own at this early age. Their brain development is so important and that is my first priority.

This is great for some kids. This method does not work at our house. My boys, not my girls….but my boys are prone to set the important things in life aside. Like school work, helping around the house, reading, getting a job etc…if I used this method….mine would end up like many youngmen. Working just so they can game. Oh, wait I have one of these youngmen. I used this method when raising my oldest two children ( I have 5) my daughter was great at the method my son…..not so. Thing is he was a great student in school, smart, a great athlete. Was scout by colleges for cross country. But, gaming took over his life. Even today he works hard to support his family, plays with his daughter, but will scrafice sleep to game. So,I think as I raise this last boy. There will continue to be strict limits. He doesn’t need to game every day. He can read a real book, like I did growing up. He can learn to study the old fashion way, without a computer. There are days he doesn’t look at a screen. He may sneak and try to get some, but that is why we have parental controls. Later, after graduation of high school, we will talk about self control with screen time. By the way, brain development is something else to consider.

I hope you get this. I am having the same difficulty with my 7 year old. At his dad’s he sits in front of a screen for near 11 hours. No self moderation at all. He loves science but doesn’t do experiments anymore. He loves to read but doesn’t. He loves basketball but never goes outside unless we tell him to.
When he’s not on his kindle that’sall he talks about. His games or how he might “earn” tablet time back. His otherwise behavior is great ( for now). My fear is there’s a high chance hes getting addicted. All his dad does is watch TV and play video games. No job. No friends. Nothing. Lives off the state and scored in front of a screen all day. My son is at his house all weekend. I have him during the school week. Please tell me how your son is doing with self mod. Is it working?

Any thoughts of another app like this? I tried to add a child and it asks to pair a device. My kids don’t have their own device. We are trying to teach it for TV time, computers, our phones, etc. these are not Apple devices.

I enjoyed reading this article. I agree with it completely. I rarely worry about screen time at my house. The way I see it, both of my kids (8 and 14) make straight A’s in school. They are both in highest level classes available and they both stay glued to a screen of sort for several hours a day. I feel like it’s their way to unwind from school. If they weren’t doing so good in school it would most likely be a different story! Of course, we do make it a point to do something together as a family very regularly. Usually it is a trip to the park, or something else outdoors! I definitely don’t want my kids to not go outside and play because they have spent all day on a video game. It honestly annoys me to hear parents be so strict and structured at home. Kids spend ALL day in a strict and structured environment. When they get home and after any homework is complete they should just be able to relax and do what they want (obviously nothing too crazy, dangerous, disrespectful, or messy).

They are only children for a short time. In that short time they have to learn so very much to become a well adjusted adult that they don’t get a chance to embrace being a kid!

I myself do not own a smart phone. I’ve seen what it does to other people’s lives and their relationships, so I’ve chosen to not buy a device that can possibly become more important to me then anything else in my life.

I held off for a long time. Then the company my husband works for gave him an updated iphone and they let him have the old one. My husband was dying to be able to text me stuff if he needed. After a while I saw myself getting bad about facebook so I no longer have it on my phone. I get the weather, can text, get directions, and stuff like that but no social media. And I do not surf the net on it because 1. I am not a surfer–I usually have a reason to be doing a search, and 2. I do not like the small screen. But, I have had to ‘mold’ people into this I am not all about my phone. A few people have learned from texting me multiple times in a short amount of time that I do not revolve around my phone. I have the ringer turned on so if it’s important you best call me and not text. I can hear a call in my purse but not a text 🙂

This was one of the best posts I have read in a long time. As a long time educator in the ECE field this is the best advice any parent can get. From a very early age, children need boundaries/limits. More importantly as you said you need to empower children to make those choices. All of that makes your child a true learner , self confident and self aware. You are also embracing their interest – technology – and joining them in making the right choices with it Paid or not this was one post I will pin and send to every parent I know. As a side note my siblings and I spent much of our childhood in front of TV and we all have advanced degrees. My Mom said you need to figure it to every sibling issue and we are better for it.

This is a great article, thank you. I have heard about OutPact before but had forgotten about it. I will now discuss with my husband & impliment. Over the summer, screen time hasn’t been an issue as the children (girl 9, boy 8, boy 6) have too busy being ‘busy’ outside but I feel things will change as the winter draws in. Something we introduced last year, which has worked wonderfully, is remove the areal connection on the TV in the family room. It is a smart TV & means that the programs they watch have to be ‘on demand’ therefore thought about. It also means there is a natural limit as each program ends. The three children have enjoyed talking together to choose a program to watch and have been drawn to more ‘educational’ style programs eg natural history, as they are 1hour long instead of kiddie style that might only be 20mins. I hope you fin this suggestion helpful. Many thanks again. Claire

I couldn’t agree more! I have observed families with strict screen times and those kids seem to be OBSESSED with their gadgets. That’s all they think about is their next game day or tv time. Planning it out like my kids plan what they’ll spend their saved money on. I have never limited screen time and my kids aren’t fat, lazy or obsessed. Well, except on the rare occasion they get a new game. That’s my trick to limit game time. I only buy a couple games per yr. Not every new game that comes out. The result? My boys will overdose on the new game for about three days and then tire of it and come back to visit humanity.

I recently put a “technology ban” in place for my 7 and 3 year old- not a full ban but movie night on a Friday and one program each on weekend mornings. My 3 year old has behavioral hmm quirks and struggles with imaginative role play and is soon to be assessed by a paediatrician and, my 7 year old seems unwilling to play anymore and growing up too quickly in the wrong aspects. Soooooo we started this “ban” a few weeks and oh my gosh what a difference it has made. My children actually can play! I told my friends about it who said I was just mean but my 7 year old looked up surprising and said she was much happier playing games nicely and her little sister is much nicer now. Win win for now…will see what the future holds on this one :-/

Why has nobody mentioned this is a paid for post with zero evidence or information from a child psychology standpoint. “Children always want to do what you tell them not to” is your basis for not teaching them that life is filled with choices and disappointment and responsibility? This makes the assumption that children can’t rise to the occasion of following rules and guidelines, but the evidence of that only comes from parents who give up. Yup, it will be hard,…yup, your kids will not like it….and so society will fail somehow because little Johnny can’t watch PBS Kids? We are seeing everything from basic kindness to professionalism to respect be suffocated by a hands off, permissive approach to parenting with this idea that by creating limits and rules you are somehow inviting your kids to misbehave rather than raising mature thinkers who understand you don’t always get what you want, life isn’t lived on an iPad screen and the a App Store isn’t the place happiness is found. Technology has a lot of great ideas and content, but it isn’t the answer teaching anyone to be a better human being. Why does talking to your kids, setting limits, and confronting them with sensible expectations seem so hard to others posting comments? Without an app to do so….

Sorry to pile on here, but also no mention of what these devices are doing physically to kids. Are you aware of the impact that the blue color spectrum produced by tablets and phones has on the retina? Do we ignore the evidence that using devices like these before bed interferes with proper sleep patterns and REM sleep? The mounting, albeit suppressed, evidence of the dangers of wireless devices for all, not just children….left out of the conversation here. These topics need to be considered in their entirety and while I get the premise of collective decision making, is your boss, teacher, police office, doctor going to get your “buy in” every time they make a choice you don’t like? No, they will not. I also don’t think we can compare the Three Stooges to the 1.2 million apps, 260,000 of which are games, downloaded 75 billion times in just the Apple Store alone. That’s no joke…n’yuk, n’yuk, n’yuk.

Thank goodness for you, Tom! A sane voice in a sea of almost cultish slavishness to technology. The most important element of any parent’s decision to provide IT to their kids is to know WHY they are preferring it over any other activity for their child in that moment. The reason why one might not have an iPad/TV: because you may want your children to delight in and learn from PEOPLE and your child’s own inner resourcefulness. As a parent, you may want to be the change you want to see in your kids and therefore involve the family in community activities, get out in nature, share stories etc. Tech is certainly not evil, but geez so many of us lean on it so hard under the guise of ‘tech is benefitting our kids’. It doesn’t, always. It can also do a lot of harm. Read Bruce Perry ‘Born to Love’ for an informative read by a world-renowned child psychologist on the obstacles to a child’s development of empathy in today’s world. Saturate your child with IT, completely remove it or do something in between, but please do know WHY you are making this decision on behalf of your child. YOU are your child’s protector, advocate and guide, NOT an app! It is worth doing a bit of research rather than just skating through sponsored posts like this.

Tom and Z are shining beacons of reason! How could I ever hope to set a good example and parent my children well without an app?

Anecdotally, our TV is rarely turned on (except for the classical music station) and we don’t have video games, ipads, etc. Consequently, our daughter barely even acknowledges the TV/computer when we visit other people’s houses. Poor little thing doesn’t understand why other kids are so loathe to go outside or play with toys without batteries.

I had to scroll down way too far to find someone with sense. Well said Tom, I agree with you completely. My way of parenting is that children shouldn’t have their own electronic devices because children’s minds aren’t meant to comprehend social boundaries. Reading all these stories of ‘problem children’ actually makes me very sad, if your child has a problem with electronics, TAKE THE DEVICES AWAY COMPLETELY, don’t just hide them or block them!! Your children will learn quickly. I mean this in very general terms and obviously it does not apply to all situations, but I strongly believe that a child’s actions go back to the parents 100%. I completely understand that sometimes it is easier to dump a child in front of a TV for a few hours rather than interact with them, everyone has been in that situation, but to continually do this and expect your child to be well behaved is just not practical. If your child is having issues, you really need to step back and examine what YOU as a parent are doing and figure out how to fix it. You are responsible for raising your children, no one else and certainly not electronics.

My children (ages 5 and 7) do not have access to electronic devices except for very rare cases and we are always complimented on how well behaved they are and how rare it is to see such calm children. They have never had behavorial issues and always obey reasonable adult orders. I strongly believe that this is because of the way that my husband and I chose to bring them up. They have lots of friend that love playing at our home because we have lots of fun and interactive games and toys, plus we have tons of outdoor toys. Sorry for the long rant but this is something that I have strong beliefs over. I understand that not everyone will agree with me but it works for me and my children so I believe in my philosophy.

I think there is something to talking with your child’s about limits, but this post is a little concerning. The responses to this post are more so. One commentator makes a good point. Do you know why your children are choosing devices to entertain themselves? I think that’s most telling about the situations brought up in these comments. My kids don’t have strict limits on screen time. Instead they have a list of things that must be done every day. Once those things are done, they can do anything they like. When I notice them reaching for electronics however, I offer them an alternative. Do you want to watch a show right now, or would you rather cook dinner with mom? 90% of the time, if they’re offered a creative opportunity or a chance to spend time with family they’ll jump at it. If they didn’t I’d be asking myself why not. If they didn’t I’d spend more and more time with them until I understood. To those of you who feel “zoning out” into devices after school is ok for decompressing, first you need to ask yourself why you send them to a place they need to decompress from, and second, how is zoning out teaching them how to handle how they feel or experience life? It’s been studied and a lot of data points to devices exasperating stress rather than relieving it. I’m all for kids having and using technology. My sons share a computer and there’s a shared tablet and a 3DS. We have 2 tvs and 3 game systems. Their father is a game designer. But those things don’t take over our lives. My kids use the tech to learn and do school work. Games are times for them to bond together. But nothing takes the place of family time or real life, and we spend a lot of time talking, discussing life skills, and really being together (no devices for mom or dad either). If my kid sounded like some of the “zombie” children described here, especially lying or stealing, I’d throw every piece of tech away and they would learn how to use computers at the library until they worked in being a better person. “He/she just can’t self regulate” doesn’t set them up for future success. Let’s stop making excuses for or children.

I am with chey on removing all electronics from existence! My son, now 20 and in college, saved money by working to get his first gaming system. I controlled his time he spent on all technology. We had set rules. I did let him negotiate and I listened, but I still was in control. I bent the rules on holidays and rainy days of his work/chores were done. All online activities happened in common areas. His opinion held no weight until he was about 14, but by then I had already parented him; my dent was made. Then I began to let him make mistakes and face the consequences so he learn to problem solve under my guidance. It’s called parenting. Be tough and explain why; children crave structure!

For the first time ever, we are seeing addiction in children in the form of screen activities. This is heart breaking. And that we would be flippant about it is concerning! I have witnessed decreased self modulation. AS A RESULT OF screen time and that can be as little as 40 minutes for my 4 year old or an hour for my 8 year old, where no screens for a few days increases their creativity and betters their general mood….. So many important affects of limited screen time I will not choose to leave that up to my child who doesn’t know what is best for their brain, nor do a lot of us parents know what is best for them if we don’t choose to read the scary facts and statistics surrounding this issue! There is an article pointing out that in China where technology has been commonplace for children at younger age for longer there are signs of DEMENTIA in young adults!! This is an extreme case but worth considering if a lot does harm, is it not reasonable to believe that a moderate amount also deteriorated brain function to a lesser degree????

As with many other parenting issues I fall back on my saying, “There is a middle of the road and I am on it.” We got our kids tablets for Christmas. My kids are 7 and 4. They both tend to turn into zombies if left with tech on their own devices. But we also teach our kids why we limit some tv time and so forth. We have set the parental controls but have been fairly liberal with the time. It is up to them to use it wisely. My 7 year old used it all in one sitting!! And was upset the rest of the day that she could no longer use it. We talked to her about the lesson learned. My 4 year old used his tablet here and there and never used the whole time. We will continue down this path until we feel like we get to the point that they can choose their times to maybe the point of not having times. But one thing I will not sway from is the no tablets going to their bedrooms at bedtime. On vacation once, the kids’ room had a tv and we thought we would shut off the tv after they went to sleep. That never happened. At 1 in the morning we shut the tv off and told them to go to sleep. So middle of the road for me.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just stumbled on to this and I am working on this right now to be able to implement it for our new year. I have wanted something like this for months and although we do not have a problem, I want to be able help her navigate this big amazing world where the internet is not going anywhere anytime soon.
What you wrote resonated with me so much because the past few weeks we have fallen into a rut where the ipad is being used far too often and I don’t want that to be our normal. {{the funny thing about this is that I said to my husband a few months ago, there has to be a way to make this work if I only knew how. And then I said, since i have thought of it, there must be a way and someone is already doing it. lol.
Thank you for sharing this and I hope to navigate it and make it work for our family.

I agree with some of this but only really for older children. I think children need clear boundaries at first before they begin to learn about responsibility and self limiting. My 5yo son would play on the iPad all day if I let him. He becomes irritable if he plays too long but can’t see himself where much of that frustration has come from, even when I try to explain. I see children who can’t go on a 5 minute car journey without a tablet and have come into contact with kids who literally become enraged if someone walks in front of the TV/Xbox. Extreme examples perhaps but I don’t think we should underestimate the effects that the technology has on developing minds and there is still much research to be done with young children, particularly with regard to things like fine motor skills, core strength development, social skills and attention deficit disorder.
Even as an adult I recognise that I am quite addicted. What hope does a young child have of self limiting?
I also don’t agree that by limiting use you automatically create an uncontrollable desire. It just doesn’t work like that. You need to limit use until the child has learned to do it themselves just as you would with anything else such as eating chocolate. Otherwise you could be allowing them to get into a bad habit before their reasoning has caught up.
I’m not completely knocking this approach but I think that anyone considering this needs to look at their children carefully and proceed with a plan and with great caution. Trouble is that some people will only read the headline and use it as an excuse to not address a potentially damaging situation.

It appears that on one hand you are saying that limiting screen time is bad parenting and is wrong?
BUT on the other hand you are promoting an app that sets limits…
So which is it to be? To limit or not to limit?
Are you trying to condemn those who do have limits and boundaries, or are you trying to say that it’s ok to have limits and boundaries as long as you get an app to do it for you….that way, the kids can argue with the app not the parent!

And to agree with Tom…where is all evidence from the professionals…including physios treating RSI problems and text neck problems…or the optomotrists treating kids with vision problems from too much screen time…

I think we need to be careful on passing judgement on families who do set strict limits and boundaries on their kids, most of the time these limits and boundaries are set by parents who have discussed and worked out what is best for their family. It is not something that you think of overnight, besides it takes hard work and dedication to be consistent and not give in to their children’s demands.
On the other hand those parent who choose not to have limits or boundaries surely have made hard thought through decisions to suit their family’s goals.

And to think that mankind actually survived so many thousands of year without technology….how ever did the human race survive?

And to think of even today the millions of children in poverty or third world who don’t have technology….what kind of life must they have…do their parents lie awake at night feeling like a failure because their toddler doesn’t have an iPad?

I have to say I respectfully disagree on some things in this post. Yes we do need to teach our children moderation and balance and how to be responsible when using screen time, however as parents our job is to do what is best for our children. Younger children shouldn’t be exposed to screen time at all because it effects brain development but how many toddlers I see playing with mommy’s iPhone or in front of the TV or on the computer or iPad. It is more than just content of what they are watching – it can effect our children’s brain development and overall health in addition to what these shows or games are teaching our children, morally. I am not against screen time but I am strict on what my children watch and how much -I think the more we can do without it the better for our children’s overall health.

Obviously in the technological world we live in, they will have to be exposed and learn how to use these devices- but why at such a young age do people expose their children to these things? Young children should be outside playing and having fun- experiencing nature and enjoying time with family. Not on an iPad or playing games on a cell phone when it is a most crucial time for their overall development.

If we don’t expose our children to these things when they are younger, setting limits would not be an issue as they become older. We need to talk to our children why it is bad for them and explain your reasons instead of just saying no.

You bring up some really interesting and insightful points in this post, and I definitely feel convicted because I spend a lot of my own “screen time” for work and pleasure.

Yet overall I don’t agree with the concept. Yes, we should have our children self-monitor. That’s a wonderful ideal. But can they? Will they? Perhaps some children. Most will not and cannot. Heck, we just said we as adults do a poor job of it!

Children need the adults in their world to put in boundaries and structure as they grow, so that they can internalize it, and gradually they will begin to learn it for themselves. Until we see them doing this, they aren’t ready. Opening a computer (especially one with the internet) is opening up the whole world to a child or teen. It’s expecting too much to ask them to self-regulate.

I do like the app and others like it that help families with regulation, and I think it’s great to get the kids involvement in the decision-making. As another commenter said, the title of the post is kind of misleading.

We have all our kids sign a Family Technology Agreement, which includes computers, phones, TV, etc. — kids and adults.

Great and true article – I have always followed this idea with sweets in the fridge – my two help themselves to sweets when they fancy and it’s amazing how few they eat; I’m sure they would eat more if they were restricted.

Zina, thank you for the article! My favorite quote is this: “Instead of restricting screen time, we need to teach our children balance… We must introduce them to the concept of mindful usage”.
But why not set day limits for screentime (with a KidLogger app, f.ex.) and teach your child to mindful usage within these limits? Look, on the one hand, kids try to distribute their time between games and internet and make a decision what is more important for them. On the other hand, using gadgets without limits, they can easily forget about time and spent much more time staring at youtube star, than surfing wikipedia to find out smth for his homework.

I totally agree with this post. I am 14 and the thing that draws me most screen time is that it is so limited that I feel that if it is restricted then I need more so I sneak it and then when I sneak it I do not set a timer so I lose track of time and end up spending all day on a computer. video games are made to be addicting but them being restricted just makes them more so. Also when kids get no say in there screen time plans it makes it hard to respect. I recently have a problem with lying to my parents about screen time because i have trouble respecting there restrictions.

Thanks for this review… It has been very timely, I’ve been looking for a way to deal with my eight year old – she’s starting to use social media with family, and conflicts have started to arise. I hadn’t heard of Our Pact till now.

Maybe I’m crazy but this post says to me “we limit screen time as a family” I discuss why my children have a set limit and they don’t fight it. They see it as a gift to watch a show and then move on with life. Not giving children boundaries for fear that they will rebel behind your back is absurd… The problem is the lack of communication and understanding behind why rules bring happiness and opportunity. I feel like I don’t understand what this post is trying to say… But anything that says “don’t limit childrens …” Is advice I’m not interested in following.

Not sure why this article is titled “why we don’t limit screen time” when the bulk of the article talks about HOW you limit screen time. You do set appropriate (for you and your family) boundaries; why do you want to give the impression that you don’t?

This is interesting but I am not sure if I agree. As someone who grew up in a home with zero video games and no cable tv I desperately wished for a Nintendo and MTV as a kid. I played and watched at friends houses whenever I could but overall had very limited “screen time.” I wanted it so bad that you’d think maybe I would have rushed out and got them for myself as soon as I moved out. I have never owned a video game console of any kind and I have spent the last few years trying to remove tv completely from our house (but I have a sports loving husband…) During my most formative years I learned to find other forms of entertainment. I had no choice in the matter and while I resented it at the time I find myself very thankful to my parents for making those choices for me before I knew better. I plan to make similar choices for my own children (no matter how much they whine about it). I own a kindle and my dh owns an ipad but our kids (2 and 4) don’t bother asking to use them because they already know the answer.

I will share a similar situation with you. While my siblings and I did not grow up in the technology era, we still lived with restrictions. In our home we were not allowed to drink soda. The only time we were allowed to have soda, was when our mom made spaghetti. Our dad did not think that milk set well with pasta sauce. So a one quart glass bottle of 7 UP was shared among all of the children. There were seven of us. The other times were when my folks were having company. Then they would have it in the house for company. If we were lucky, there would be some left over that we could sneek! I am now 66 years old, and I lovingly refer to myself as a Coke-aholic. It is the first thing I drink in the morning and the last thing I drink at night. Had we been allowed to have soda more often, back when it was not as toxic as it is now, I probably would have outgrown it before leaving home. I realize this is not the same as screen time, but the analogy is the same. Deprive kids or restrict kids from certain things, and chances are you could be creating a monster!

I really didn’t like this article one bit … entirely misleading and totally stupid, to be quite honest. This woman DOES limit screen time, just in a different way than saying “kids, you get 30 minutes today.” She carefully suggests other activities and asks them if they think it’s enough screen time for one afternoon. She is literally trying to convince them to do other things, just in a more passive way. So yea, a really bad article and I’m sad to see it making the rounds among Pinterest boards.

I agree with you that kids need to learn to self moderate and I also agree that we live in an era abounding in technology and kids need to know how to use it efficiently but I disagree about kids getting to set the limits and the parent manipulating the situation until everyone is happy. As a parent it is not my job to make sure my child is happy with me and isn’t “suffering” because his friends get to pick how long they have screen time. Like you said it is all about balance and I do set requirements for my child to meet each day such as chores homework exercise and their behaviors and screen time isn’t the only privledge he earns he also earns small treats and time with friends as well as other things. Using the computer or Kindle is a privledge ( and used in front of an adult only) and there isn’t nothing wrong with teaching kids it’s OK to actually earn something. Me and my husband believe since the rest of his life he’ll be working to earn nicer things in life it’s OK to make him earn things such as screen time or time with friends etc. If my child has the need to rebellious from our rules and requirements that’s a different issue all together that we would need to deal with.
Also after reading the comments I think it hilarious how people blame their parents for their problems now, …i.e. my parents restricted this, now I have to have it or I suffer from ptsd because they never let me have a sleep over. Quit blaming your parents for your issues and take some responsibility.

Wow! Very interesting post and comments! I am an older mom of five children —–ranging from 21 to 10 yrs of age. We live in a small rural town. Yes, the frustrations of the tech world are real and often even more of a struggle in a home where our ideas may be considered quite old fashioned. My husband and I have been pretty set in our ways regarding the use of tablets, iPhones, computers, nooks, etc In our home. At times it has put us at odds with our kids, but by the time they reached age 17 and beyond we have clearly seen the rewards for being old fuddy duddies!!!! This may seem extreme and unusual but for us it has worked best. We did not provide our oldest two children with cell phones until their senior year and once we did they were responsible to pay their monthly fees. We also discussed appropriate use of their phones. For example we asked them not to text at the dinner table. In the middle of conversations, or after 9:30-10pm, etc, etc. This was easy to get around for the most part because They understood it was rude and inconsiderate and inappropriate in some cases. As for iPods my four oldest children either bought their own or received one when they were age 12-13. We discussed at length our concern for misusing these electronics and asked them to charge their iPods in our kitchen and asked that they be on the counters by 10 pm each night . We talked a lot about the invasion of electronics !! It was made clear In our home that work came first ALWAYS! We limited TV time to only Fridays and Saturdays. Computer time ( i.e. game time, play time) was limited to after all homework and chores were complete. We role played a lot of situations and talked about how it made them feel. Even though initially we got a lot of complaints there came a time when my daughters actually told us how grateful they were not to have cell phones any earlier than they did – because in time they themselves began to recognize how much these things were interfering with people- their friends ability to communicate in person, face face. They learned from observation how distractive these things could become in relationships. Fortunately , we live in place that my children had farm work and many animals to care for. All five children have been very involved in sports year round and in horse 4 h in the summer. Exposing our kids to a variety of activities especially outdoor ones and giving them healthy alternatives to screen time as well as expecting them to carry their share of the chore duties In our home, in my opinion was the best service we ever did for our children. It requires time and effort on a parents part which perhaps for some could be a challenge. Our third child, age 16 has his own cow/ calf business and made a pretty good case as to why he should be allowed to buy a cell phone before his senior year. It took some time, some convincing us, but we eventually decided we had taught him all we could about the advantages and disadvantages to owning a phone – he convinced us, so we allowed him to get a cell phone. He paid for it out of his own pocket and continues to pay all his monthly charges as well. Do we still struggle? By all means. Yes!! Especially with our youngest who constantly wants to play Nintendo or play games or watch movies on my iPad or desktop or his schol chrome book . We do our best to help him find alternatives. Sometimes this is easier said than it is done. Our feeling has been to keep them active, keep them outside as much as possible, keep them thinking and being creative and to learn by observing around them the good and the bad that technology brings. Setting boundaries for good reason made sense to them – this really helps. We should all expect our kids to be healthy, contributing members of our families and our communities.
I just read a book entitled “how to raise wild kids” – totally my perspective!!!! You should check out!!
Thanks for the great ideas and thoughts on this subject- so many amazing parents out there !!!!!

I appreciated many points in this article, however it is true for some/ a few kids, not for all. You need to know your kid and their temperament, as well as what they can and cannot self-regulate. I am a school counselor and have worked with children for most of my life…I can say that most children under the age of 12 would not be able to self-regulate in this way. This is what we are here for as parents, of course giving logic and reason to our rules. As kids get older and their brains more developed, I definitely agree they should practice self-regulation on screen time and be part of the conversation. When they are young, however, children need clear and conscise guidelines. Before the age of 12 their ability to think abstractly about these things has not yet been developed, and clear guidelines make them feel safe. Obviously we are living in an increasingly technological society, but studies time and time again have shown that technology before a certain age can be detrimental if not kept in check. Children’s brains are still developing and plastic/malleable. In my experience, I tend to feel that a child’s ability to self- regulate is the exception, not the norm for most young age groups, so jump onto this bandwagon with care. Kids need parents and rules until they have learned enough to make them for themselves. Great app idea though, definitely a winner!

Absolutely love your logic. I get criticized often for not “controlling” my child’s iPad time, along with other things. I believe children should be able to make their own decisions (with our guidance of course) because like you, I believe as soon as you restrict or say no to something they automatically have a vested interest in finding out more. Thank you for this post. It was very informative and helpful!

When my children were born my brother took me aside and said, “Let them have a childhood, don’t let them watch tv.”

I understood immediately what he meant and I did restricted our children’s screen time, put up with the fights and the sulks and now reap the benefits when they both talk about their childhood and say that they were so glad they weren’t allowed to spend it in front of a computer or tv.

Why are parents afraid their children will not understand the technology if they are not allowed to constantly use it? Their childhood is the only time in their lives that they will have the time to explore a variety interests to see what sparks in them, sports, painting, building models, camping, learning a musical instrument or whatever else!

As for them not understanding technology my son is now an Electrical Engineer and my daughter is in 3rd year Chemical Engineering. They also have talked about how most of their classmates also had very restricted screen time when they were growing up.

Interesting people do interesting things because they have been exposed to life from a young age. Sitting in front of screen is not being exposed to life.

For those of us in school districts that give our children their own computer starting in 1st grade, it changes everything. No longer do we, as parents, have control over how much screen time is good vs too much and neither do our children. we used to let our children decide for the most part because they are active and we usually would suggest something else if we thought it was too much time. Now, they are getting it at school and they want it even more at home “but my teacher says I’m learning”… Even on programs that are games or books read to them. Of course any one of these things is not bad, it’s the cumulative effect we are concerned about- 12 years of education on a computer…

This post is so contradictory. On the one hand you’re saying how you don’t think you should restrict screen time or impose limits/ensure chores are done before it is allowed. On the other hand, you then go about promoting an app which does what? Restrict screen time and impose limits. Just seems like a marketing ploy to get people to buy the app to me…

I love how you’ve written this …
Yes I am guilty myself for er a little too much screen time & self justifications so partly for this reason I don’t limit screen time in our home! The other is screen time isn’t linked with online time!
However there is a not during meals rule screen & online rule … This is our conversation time! Even if the tv is on it is lowered in volume and we discuss what we think about the news etc. with interesting results!

It is developmentally inappropriate to expect that young children will be able to self moderate their use of technology. I do not expect my young children to manage other areas of their life, like the food they eat for dinner, or their bedtime, or whether they choose to brush their teeth or not. The suggestions in this article are far more appropriate for teens. Technology is highly addictive and we have never before had so much exposure to technology- this generation of children are the guinea pigs. Parents need to be cautious and informed about the risks of too much screen time. Applying healthy limits are part of responsible parenting.

I was skeptical of the title, but I’m always up for another point of view. I’m glad i read this! I’d say you limit screentime in your family, you just have your kids involved. I will try some of these suggestions so my kids aren’t constantly asking for screen time – and I’m not constantly policing it!

I am in total agreement with you. I have two girls, 6 & 8 and we do not have to limit their screen time. They actually spend very little time watching the tv/tablet as there is always something better to do, because they can they choose not to.

On the opposite end of the scale they have a few friends who have very strict time limits on screen time (half hour per day) and they are totally obsessed. They pester the girls to use the tablets and if I have the tv on in the background they sit mesmerised and don’t want to play even If I have something on what a child would normally consider as boring.

I really love this idea. My daughters only 7 months but my parents and her other sitter always have the tv on. So when shes at home I almost always have the tv off. I plan to do a lot of traditional board games with her along with hiking, walks, and crafts! Her dad will take her fishing! 🙂 I dont like it when kids just sit in front of the tv or a tablet all day. I plan on letting my child do some of it but I really want to get her to want to be outdoors!!! ^_^

I think your mellow response to this reoccurring problem is interesting. I find your claim is reasonable and understandable for most perspectives. The whole psychological aspect of the essay was also fascinating. Hope I can check out that app!!!

I agree with some of your philosophy. However, more and more research is indicating that screen time is inherently addictive and becomes out of the children’s control. That is their brain releases endorphins but is a quick fix as they are not physically
moving and flushing it through their whole system (as physical activity does) therefore they need more of it for the feel good effect. Then when they get off the device their mood drops as the chemical is gone. Toddlers, children and preteens do not yet have well developed prefrontal cortex to be able to control some of these impulses. Research is also showing that too much technology is causing brain changes in children and teenagers. Unfortunately technology is taking over from letting “human nature prevail”. And yes I am fully aware of all of the adult versions of using their own devices that you mentioned and my husband I do not use ours in those ways in front of the children in order to model appropriate use. Off my soapbox now but technology is one thing that needs to have some external control.

This is a great article, and I completely understand your argument. I agree that if you make anything “off-limits,” it only encourages the kids to find sneaky ways to do it. But, the title is a little misleading. You are still LIMITING screen time – you are just setting up the limitations ahead of time with the kids’ input. 🙂

i agree with so much of what you say… esp where they get a say in how much time..that is a great conversation starter…..
but i knew when i started that you have girls….
i think boys can get addicted quicker…changes their personality…. brings out anger when have to stop…
i have talked to many moms of boys and they say the same thing…..
it would be an interesting study.
maybe it is our there… i should look…
thanks:)

I think this was way too general. This completely disregarded the developmental a stages of children and their ability to self regulate.
Parents are supposed to be in charge! I’ve created a screen free world for my son. Childhood shouldn’t be invaded by screens, my opinion, obviously. “Sneaking” is not always the response to restrictions (that a character issue!).

If you like him, go for it. Don’t look for a long path, just be yourself and surely be &#22n0;2ice-ish⁙ to him and make it clear your not the devil of Hell. So, I think you have a spark going here, and don’t let it cool down just yet!CHARGE FORWARD LIKE A WOMEN!

Being a child my parents are very, ” we have an app that watches everything you do and limits screen time to 1hour total and you will do as I say and if you throw a fit you lose your phone.” They’ve created Instagram accounts to watch me and Snapchat accounts too. I DONT EVEN HAVE A SNAPCHAT! They want to talk to the police first too before they even consider me having a Snapchat. Now this hasn’t made me really angry and want to do anything they say I can’t do. I can’t wait to go to college and move out of the house. I can’t wait to drive and leave the house when I please. I’ve learned to resent my parents and I’ve learned that anything I want to do I have to do behind their backs. To future adults considering parental controls I hope this helps you know what your child may (or may not be) thinking.

Thank goodness I am not the only one thinking that screen time is not a bad thing for kids as long as it is in moderation. Kids can learn a lot with what they watch. My daughter learned how to count, the alphabet, shapes, colors and many more with the help of screen time. Of course, we made a deal that she can only watch if she has had her nap and only if it is after three in the afternoon. Finally, I make it a point to offer her the IPad as a last resort. We usually, play with her educational toys, practice her drawing skills and many more before she can have her turn with the gadget.

This was so refreshing! I’ve long been convinced that the right way is not more restrictions, but thank you for verbalizing my jumbled thoughts. I still want them to play outside, but do I play outside? I’m convicted that I need to show them how to do what I want them to do: stop playing with my phone, actually BE outside with them and play instead of always doing something else. I’m still in process, but this helps so much.

I’m wondering how you would advise on this- it is summer and I have permitted my 11 year old child to watch the minecraft YouTube videos during the day. I didn’t place limits on him as long as he was finished with his daily chore. He would play outside part of the day, swim, & have outings with his brother and myself.
I found for two nights, he took an old tablet and stayed up for over 5 hours through the night watching these same videos.
I found out on the third night and we have made changes that include taking away and securing all electronics.
this was similar to him doing this more than once during the school year, when he is restricted from non-educational electronics on school nights.
He has lied about doing these things. What can my husband (his dad) do to stop this type of behavior? The limits didn’t work, the non-limits didn’t work.