Slobberknocker Central Monday Night Recap #268
January 1st, 2001
The Opening Word:
I have a number of things I thought I'd touch on this week before getting to
the show ...
Last week WCW fired Mark Madden. My reaction? HALLELUJAH!!! Yeah, okay, so
it sucks because he was fired for stuff that others get away with, and his
punishment sets a double standard and what-not. Whoopedy-doo. Chalk it up
as reason #1148 to hate WCW. As far as having any sympathy for Madden ...
*bzzzt!*--not in this lifetime. Face it, Mark Madden lucked into a job that
any of a million other people could have done. Maybe if he were actually any
good at that job I might have given him some credit, but he wasn't. He was,
at best, adequate, during a time when the company needed much more than
that. Madden's "best" attribute, if you could call it that, is that he
geared his commentary towards the so-called "smart" fans--a group Madden
routinely treated like garbage. Already Madden is using the Internet to
paint himself as a victim, taking advantage of a medium which he regularly
heaped insults upon (yet used to his advantage on his own website, on Bob
Ryder's 1Wrestling.com, and on the WCW Live Internet radio show). Others can
feel sorry for Madden if they like, but don't expect me to shed a tear. As
far as I'm concerned WCW rightly corrected a wrong, that being putting
Madden on TV in the first place. It was bad enough when we on the Internet
had to put up with his shameless shilling and venomous barbs.
Speaking of shilling, venom and Bob Ryder, Ryder put up another classically
brainless "Notes From Bob" diatribe last week directed against Tom Zenk. For
some reason Ryder felt compelled to criticize Zenk for the recent comments
he's made on various Internet radio shows. Ryder asks why is Zenk so bitter?
Then, after dismissing Zenk's entire wrestling career because Zenk wasn't a
major star, accusing him of riding the coattails of other wrestlers, Ryder
blows off everything Zenk has to say about the business by saying "if he's
such a genius about the wrestling business, and if he has all the answers to
what is wrong with it ... why isn't he running one of the major
organizations?" Funny, but I couldn't help but think everything Ryder had to
say about Zenk actually applied to Ryder himself! "It's always easy to mouth
off on an Internet show about what is wrong with the world. It would easier
to respect what he says if he had any kind of a track record to prove that
he's qualified to say the things he says." Somebody should write Bob and ask
him when he's going to offer up that "track record" for himself. Why is what
Tom Zenk--someone who was actually a part of the wrestling business at one
time--has to say any less valid than what Ryder has had to say over the past
few years? For crying out loud, Zenk is just an ex-wrestler doing
interviews! He's not even in the business anymore, yet for some reason Ryder
felt compelled to take a shot at him and invalidate the man's views. Why?
Because Zenk has become popular on the Internet for his candid,
shoot-from-the-hip comments. Zenk has been very critical of WCW, and god
forbid Bob Ryder let anyone who is critical of his employers go
unchallenged. You just know Bob would have liked to have accused Zenk of
being in the WWF's pocket, saying those nasty things about WCW not because
they're true but because he was following Vince McMahon's marching orders.
But Ryder couldn't, because Zenk has been even more critical of Vince
McMahon in his comments. So Ryder just dismisses Zenk as a bitter
ex-wrestler who never made it, who has no right to be saying what he's said.
Just another example of WCW attacking their critics, though this has to be
one of he pettiest examples I've ever seen.
Over in the WWF, they have to be pretty depressed over the TV ratings they
pulled in last week. We all knew the Christmas rating would be down, and
honestly I thought the number they did for that was about what it deserved.
But SmackDown!, that was a better show, yet it seemed to have drawn at least
a half-ratings point less than what it should have. I'm not sure what the
WWF needs to do to turn things around, but I hope they don't panic and try
to do it all at once. That's the trap WCW fell into. They need to figure out
what, if anything, can stop the slide, then give that to the fans
repeatedly. Sadly the Internet doesn't seem to be any help in that regard.
(As if giving Chris Benoit the WWF Championship would solve all their
troubles.)
2001 is here, and I decided to NOT mark the occasion by doing some kind of
retrospective of 2000. It has been a year in wrestling I'd mostly like to
forget. You had ECW finally going national, only to show that they had no
idea how to draw fans (with a talent pool regularly raided by the Big Two).
Then there was WCW, whose sad decline continued unabated, to the point now
where it looks like they're going to be bought by the man who started them
down the road of that decline in the first place. And then there was the
WWF, who for the first half of the year was as good as any wrestling
promotion has ever been; who then, without any competition, slipped into a
funk that has got everyone looking nervously at WCW in 1997-98 for
parallels. 2000 marked the point where, as if a giant switch had been
thrown, the biggest wrestling boom ever turned into just another year.
Looking ahead to 2001 all anyone can see is uncertainty. Will ECW survive?
Will WCW survive? The WWF, it'll survive, but can it do so at a level where
it's still perceived to be the industry leader, or will it be seen as target
ripe for the picking?
Will I still be doing this Recap six months from now?
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WWF RAW is WAR:
Live/Taped: Taped 12/29.
Length: Two Hours+.
Location: Austin, Texas.
Hosted By: Jim Ross & Jerry "The King" Lawler.
WWF RAW:
- A highlights package from last week opens the show. "Stone Cold" Steve
Austin arrives and is told by referee Earl Hebner that Stephanie McMahon
wants to see him.
- THE UNDERTAKER vs. RIKISHI
The winner of this match will face the winner of the Rock vs. Kane this
Thursday. The winner of that match will then get a titleshot against WWF
Champion Kurt Angle next Monday on the again-live RAW. Before the match
starts Rikishi stalls, staying up on the ramp, so the Undertaker hops
back on his motorcycle and chases him off the stage. The two come brawling
out from the back, Rikishi teasing a fall off the stage. In the ring the
match settles down, with the story being that the Undertaker can't give
Rikishi the Last Ride because of his sore ribs, injured by Rikishi last
week. Improvising, the Undertaker comes off the ropes and delivers a DDT,
then covers for the pin. Okay match.
Austin tracks down Stephanie. She tells him that the only way he can get
another title shot is if he sells beer tonight. She moves a folding
screen and reveals a table covered with Budweiser. There's also a beer
guy, chuckling, holding a tray. He says the wrong thing and Austin
destroys him, throwing him over a couch against a concrete wall. Funny.
- Replay, almost in its entirety, of the previous segment. I can see doing
that on a live show against Nitro, but for cryin' out loud we're taped,
and unopposed!
- Kurt Angle, Edge & Christian aren't pleased to learn they have a match
against Chris Jericho and the Dudley Boyz.
- "THE ONE" BILLY GUNN/THE ACOLYTES vs. RIGHT TO CENSOR
Jacqueline, Ivory and Steven Richards are all at ringside to make sure
this one is a clusterf**k. That Chyna parody interview Ivory & Val Venis
did last Thursday was great. Gunn pins Val Venis following a full nelson
slam. He then tries to piledrive him but Richards makes the save.
Austin, who also has to sell hot dogs, is checking them out when
Stephanie comes along. Austin has an accident with the mustard bottle and
squirts Steph. She runs off crying. "You want onions with that?!"
- Now Austin is opening beer cans at random and sampling them. Ross says
he's a professional just doing his job. Meanwhile Stephanie, on the phone
with Vince McMahon, whines about Austin. Vince advises she not let him
get under her skin. Trish Stratus then comes in and Stephanie gets all
catty. Vince tells Steph to book a match between Intercontinental Champ
Chris Benoit and Test. Stephanie wants to know why Test is getting such a
favor, but Vince goes through a tunnel and the call breaks up. Stephanie
tells Trish that she may have her father wrapped around her finger, but
her "big-breasted ways" won't work with her. There's only room for one
dominant woman in the McMahon family.
- Michael Cole gets comments from D-Von Dudley, as Buh-Buh Ray Dudley
paints "Edge", "Christian" and "Kurt" on a table.
- RAVEN vs. TAZZ
Before the match Raven cuts a promo saying this will be his year, and
that everyone will fall victim to "The Raven Effect". The two immediately
brawl backstage and into the women's bathroom. Raven gets a swirlie in a
urine-filled toilet. Into another room they go, where Hardcore Holly,
Crash Holly, Molly Holly and Steve Blackman all get involved in the
action. Crash tries to pin Tazz, which makes no sense, but the ref counts
two anyway. Raven then breaks a board over Crash's head and covers for
the pin. Even with the "24/7 rule" in effect it seems to me that Raven is
the one who must be pinned to make the Hardcore Title change hands.
Otherwise you might be given a win, but how can the belt change hands?
Going by these rules I can say I and my brother are in this match as
well. There ... I just pinned my brother, so I'm the Hardcore Champion.
I'll send the WWF my address so they can FedEx the belt.
- Austin is out with the empty beer tray. Having sold all the beer he
demands his title shot. Stephanie, wearing a new shirt, doesn't believe
he sold the beer, accusing him of either giving it away or drinking it
himself. Austin hangs the empty tray around her neck, then shows her the
Titan-Tron, where we see the Acolytes and Jacqueline drinking the beer.
So Stephanie books Austin in a match against William Regal. If Austin
wins he will be added to the Undertaker/Rock vs. Kane winner match on
Thursday, making it a three-way. Austin then pulls the tray away from
Stephanie, and her shirt having stuck to it, comes with it. Stephanie
flees from the ring covering up her boobies. Austin must think she
stuffs, saying there's more foam in her bra than in one of his beers.
WWF WAR ZONE:
- CHRIS JERICHO/THE DUDLEY BOYZ vs. KURT ANGLE/EDGE/CHRISTIAN
The crowd gets what they want here, the Dudleyz winning the match for
their team when they give Edge the 3-D through a table. Edge stays down a
long time afterwards to sell the move.
Test isn't too happy to see Trish Stratus, but she convinces him its in
his best interest to forget recent events and focus on winning the
Intercontinental Title from Chris Benoit.
Update: my brother hit me from behind with a chair and captured the
Hardcore Title.
- William Regal is seem coming out of Stephanie's office, smiling. The King
makes an double entendre saying she must have her clothes back on by now.
- CHRIS BENOIT vs. TEST (w/ Trish Stratus)
Albert comes to the ring during the match to distract Test, then, when
Test climbs up top to deliver his flying elbowdrop, Trish pushes him off.
Benoit covers for the pin. Test chases after Trish, trades blows with
Albert, and the two have to be separated by officials. Perhaps the worst
part about a tag team you care nothing about is when they split up. Then
you have to watch a singles feud you care nothing about.
William Regal, distracted by lt. commissioner Debra's cleavage, tells her
to inform Stone Cold that there'll be a surprise referee in their match.
Debra asks who it is? Regal, delivering the line in a perfectly swishy
way, says "well, if I told you it wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?
Jolly good!"
- Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn and Terri Runnels join the announce team.
- THE HARDY BOYZ (w/ Lita) vs. KAIENTAI
I do admit to chuckling when they dub in the "INDEED!" for Sho Funaki,
but otherwise this dubbed promo gimmick has run its course. I'm reminded
of the WCW cruiserweight matches where they'd cut away to show Hulk Hogan
arriving, as here attention to the match is diverted while they focus on
Dean Malenko expressing his love for Lita. Jeff Hardy nearly kills
himself on a dive from the top turnbuckle to the floor. Slipping, he
falls short of landing on Taka Michinoku and smacks to the floor. He
somehow gets up, though, and puts Funaki away with a Swanton Bomb. Jeff's
not human. Lita then lures Malenko out of his seat so Matt can deliver a
cheap shot.
Kane ... the Rock ... NEXT!
Update: I cracked a beer bottle over my brother's head and recaptured the
Hardcore Title.
- KANE vs. THE ROCK
Kane dominates most of the match, which quickly spills out through the
crowd then back into the ring. The Undertaker, shown watching in the
back, looks like a giant Fred Durst. Kurt Angle comes out to ringside.
He tries to attack the Rock, but the Rock fights him off, and rides the
momentum back in the ring where he delivers a Rock Bottom, and sets Kane
up for the People's Elbow. Kane gets up, though, and grabs the Rock by
the neck. To the floor they go. They fight up and down the ramp. As
they're getting back into the ring Kurt Angle, when the ref isn't
looking, hits the Rock with the title belt. Kane follows with a chokeslam
and scores the upset pin.
- Angle runs out to a getaway car, already occupied by Edge & Christian.
- William Regal comes out and introduces the referee for his match:
Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley.
- This week's "Royal Rumble Replay" is a clip from '98 of Mick Foley
competing as Mankind, Cactus Jack & Dude Love.
- "STONE COLD" STEVE AUSTIN vs. WILLIAM REGAL
Stephanie calls the match fairly for a bit, but once Austin has Regal
down for a pin Stephanie suddenly gets something in her eye. Austin kicks
Stephanie in the ass, dumping her from the ring. Referee Earl Hebner runs
out, but Regal immediately dumps him. Regal then rolls Austin in up and
Stephanie, miraculously recovered from her eye problem, makes a fast
three count. Regal advances to face the Undertaker and Kane in the
three-way on SmackDown! this Thursday. Ross closes out the show saying
Stephanie has made a mistake in crossing the Rattlesnake.
- This Thursday: Undertaker vs. Kane vs. William Regal.
- Next week: Kurt Angle vs. ???.
Comments:
I thought this was a better show than last week, but still not the BIG kind
of show I'd like to have seen. That, I guess, is being saved for next
week. If you've read what happens at SmackDown! then you know who faces Kurt
Angle next week, and it's my bet that that person will be walking out of RAW
with the title. I also think the Rock is winning the Royal Rumble, and
there's your WrestleMania main event right there.
You can tell the SmackDown! rating last week really spooked them, as they
must have said "SmackDown! on UPN" at least once every five minutes
throughout the show. Not only that, but they were hyping the hell out of RAW
next week too. In general I think that's a good thing, though I do have to
question its effectiveness. For starters, most people watching this show are
already likely to watch those shows. You're probably better served in just
putting on a good product, as opposed to begging the fans to watch the next
show. Plus, every time they hyped SmackDown! as having the deciding match in
this mini #1 contender tournament I had to ask myself "what's the point in
watching this show?" if I already know SmackDown! is the one I *have to*
watch to learn who the #1 contender will be. But at least the WWF is doing
this to hype the importance of the WWF Championship, which is always a good
thing.
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The Bottom Line:
Word is ECW was canceled by the Madison Square Garden Network. Maybe
"canceled" isn't the right term, as ECW was actually paying MSG to air
their shows (like an infomercial), and the business agreement between the
two basically expired. ECW says they've informed MSG of their intent to
renew the deal, but people at MSG, quoted by the Wrestling Observer, say
that as of now ECW is off their network. I guess the joke there is how bad
do you have to be so that a network won't air your show even if you PAY
them? This comes on the eve of ECW's next PPV--a show I don't even know the
name of! I've watched ECW once, for about five minutes, since they were
canceled by TNN.
Some of you who don't watch ECW at all may be wondering what this has to do
with anything? Well, if ECW goes under there's going to be a bunch of
wrestlers suddenly looking for work. Some of them will show up in WCW and
the WWF. The problem is WCW isn't exactly in a position to be hiring a bunch
of new guys. And the WWF, it's not like they exactly need any of them (or
could fit them in if they wanted them). The WWF already has an undercard of
guys itching to move up the ladder, as well as a bunch of wrestlers under
developmental contract being trained in Ohio and Memphis.
What happens to ECW is another of the dilemmas facing the WWF. It's all part
of that game of deciding who to push and for how long. Does the WWF build
around a Rock, Stone Cold or Triple H, or elevate a Chris Benoit, or pull
someone up from even lower on the card who hasn't had a chance yet? Do you
elevate one of your developmental rookies and hope for another Kurt Angle?
Or do you bring in a Rob Van Dam? Or do you sign Hulk Hogan when he gets out
of his WCW deal, and try to squeeze a few more dollars out of his fading
career? What about taking a chance with Scott Hall? Can Shawn Michaels make
a comeback?
WCW took the easy route in dealing with this problem by never elevating
anyone. Look where they ended up.
So not only does the WWF have to figure out who to use, they have to live
with the scorn of those fans who think the WWF made the wrong choice, which
these days seems to be a whole hell of a lot of them. You've got fans who
want the Rock to never lose a match. You've got fans who think Triple H is
the next Ric Flair. You've got fans who are pissed that Chris Benoit isn't
World Champion. You've got fans who think Rob Van Dam is the real deal. And
you've got fans who are dying to see Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Shawn Michaels
and X-Pac re-form the Clique.
Why is it like this? Because we're damn close to the WWF being the only game
left in town, and if that happens they have to be everything to everyone.
That's where all the wrestling fans of two years ago have gone. They left,
because WCW and ECW went into the toilet, and the WWF wasn't what they
wanted.
Wrestling needs an ECW, and it desperately needs a WCW. If they both go, no
matter how good the WWF might be, it can never be what every wrestling fan
wants it to be.
This should be a golden time for the WWF. They have their pick of almost
every wrestling talent they could want, and at their price too. It's a
buyer's market. But along with that comes the doubting and second-guessing
over "did we sign the right guy? Are we pushing the right guy to the top?"
It's enough work just praising or criticizing the choices they make. I'm
sure glad I'm not the one who has to make those choices.
Update: ahh--skip it.
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"Slobberknocker Central" and "Monday Night Recap" are copyright 2001 by
John Petrie, and all opinions expressed therein are his own, and not those
of "USLink". Check the "Slobberknocker Central" main page for info on how
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Volume One, Number 268 of the "Monday Night Recap", January 1st, 2001.