PIXAR

In a move surprising several, Disney-ABC Television Group lodged a hostile takeover of Scientology on Monday, acquiring the majority of outstanding shares for $3.6 billion, excluding real estate assets, a 14% premium over Friday closing value.

The move affords Disney, a de-facto religion in practice, official recognition as a non-profit organization, which is expected to save them the remaining $19 in federal taxes they’ve never actually paid on average since a thousand billions before they made their first trillion.