Saturday the 7th of January 2012: a date that some cultural historians are already suggesting be ranked alongside such culinary landmarks as the publication of Elizabeth David's 'A Book of Mediterranean Food', the opening of the River Café, and the launch of Asda's 'Alex James Presents' range of cheeses. For it was on the morning of that very day, dear reader, that I published my first ever blog post.

While it's still probably a little too soon for any talk of a campaign to establish a national holiday, I hope that you'll allow me, meanwhile, to indulge in a moment or two of reflection. I apologise for the vulgarity and presumption. To quote P. G. Wodehouse:

It was one of the worst speeches I ever heard. The Adams woman told us for an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.

life before the blog

As I'm not sure I can adequately convey, in words, the abominably rancid morass of self-loathing, sloth and despair in which I languished for much of 2011, here's a photo of the kitchen area of my flat, taken in the late autumn of that year, which pretty well sums things up:

The home as a metaphor for a state of mind part one

By the way, please don't imagine for one moment that I'm deserving of any particular sympathy here. This was a hell entirely of my own devising, due penance for past sins. During the early period of my booze-fuelled voyage towards mental ill-health I behaved despicably - towards loved ones, friends and colleagues, everyone. If you had me in your life between (roughly) the years 2000 to 2005, it's you who are deserving of sympathy. I turned love into hate, respect into pity, affection into disdain. An exasperated close friend was speaking for many when he summed up the situation thusly: I was, he informed me with admirable brevity, 'a cunt'.

2011 had actually begun fairly brightly: I'd started volunteering a few days a week for SLaM (the NHS Trust who provide mental health services for Southwark, Lambeth, Lewisham and Croydon - and yours truly) at the Maudsley Hospital, working on their Social Inclusion and Recovery Strategy (you can find an introduction to the concept of Recovery in mental health here). And I also joined Twitter. That, together with the volunteering, represented the first social interaction of any kind that I'd had for five years - before then I was effectively a hermit. The idea in volunteering was to get some structure back into my life and, hopefully, a smidgen of self-respect.

The one weak link in my cunning plan, unfortunately, was that I still had all the mental stability of a rabid chihuahua on a crystal meth binge.

So one day at the beginning of March I walked out of the office at the Maudsley, went home, locked the door, and promptly dived head first into an Olympic-sized shit-pit of depression. I came up for air now and again, of course - kept reading and listening to music, kept on with Twitter, sporadically - and in the autumn began to work on a long dormant idea: a food blog.

the last twelve months

After a month or two of knocking the site into shape (note to self: typing out endless recipes is boring as fuck), it was kind of ready in the first week of January. It took me a few days to work up the courage, but finally, still all a-quiver, I hit the 'publish' button.

And the response was...simply phenomenal. Least-wise, it was for someone starved of any kind of validation, with no sense of self-worth, with no hope for the future. I got such a lift from it that I found the confidence to get back in touch with the team at the Maudsley to ask if I might come back and start volunteering again. Wonderfully, they'd kept my desk ready for my return, the crazy fools.Not only that, I was now afforded the opportunity to get involved in a really exciting project - the development of a Recovery College at SlaM (you can find out about Recovery Colleges by reading this briefing paper from the Centre for Mental Health).

And I finally tidied up the flat:

The home as a metaphor for a state of mind part two

In the summer, I started using StatCounter to check visitor numbers to the site. By their reckoning, in the six months from July to December, this site has had 249,173 visits. This is a figure that I believe statisticians refer to as 'fucking incredible'. Mahoosive thanks to all of you - especially those who have commented here, on the Facebook page, via Twitter or by email. You are all really rather lovely.

Over the course of the year I got the chance to meet some of my favourite bloggers and was even, I shit you not, taken to lunch a few times by people from the publishing world. And I also:

Was interviewed by both the Guardian and The Observer.

Went to the Observer Food Monthly Awards (a bit overwhelming, that).

Had lunch with my favourite British thriller writer, the wonderful Sophie Hannah.

Spent some time with FairShare, the charity fighting against food waste, learning about the marvellous work they do.

Finally found what seems to be the right medication for me (Mirtazapine).

Began (a few weeks ago) a year long course of psychotherapy, courtesy of SLaM.

the dragon café

And at the beginning of October I started volunteering for the early shift in the kitchen of The Dragon Café. This is the latest endeavour from The Mental Fight Club, which was founded by the inspirational Sarah Wheeler. Every Monday, Sarah and a team of volunteers create a relaxing and imaginative space, open to all, located in the Crypt of St George the Martyr Church, which is opposite Borough tube station. Much more than just a café, you'll find all manner of creative activities, performances, events and discussions taking place here. There's also free head, hand or foot massage and basic sessions in Tai Chi or non-contact boxing. Here's a few photos to give you a sense of the place:

Brilliant, don't you think?

every day above ground is a good day

Just before Christmas, and with no little sorrow (on my part at least), I had my final appointment with the woman who, in 2006, picked me up out of the gutter when I was headed for oblivion and who has looked after me ever since - my care co-ordinator, the blessed Rachel Sheppard of the Lordship Lane Community Mental Health Team. I guess she must think I'm ready to stand on my own now.At the heart of the concept of recovery in mental health is the idea that for anyone to have any kind of meaningful life these three elements must be present: hope, control and opportunity. If you're an alcoholic mentalist on the dole those things tend to be in short supply. Writing this blog and volunteering have, in the last year, given me a glimpse of all three.

Right. I think that's more than enough solipsistic jism to be going on with, don't you? Enough to last the next twelve months and more.

As a very paltry recompense for having to put up with it, here's a playlist of some of the music that I've liked in 2012 (240 tracks). I hope you'll find something here you'll like too.

Oh, and one more thing: food is still the bollocks. We'll get back to it in the next post. Promise.

A doctor writes: If you find yourself affected in the near future by any of the issues raised in this post, my best advice is to get down on your knees and pray that the utter shower currently in government have left enough of the NHS and the social services in placeto provide you with at least some kind of a safety net by the time you need it. Here's a few links regarding mental health and welfare/poverty:

From out here, that looks like a pretty damn good year. I personally hope that this blog continues to be as much a part of your path in the coming one: it's been an inspiration and an example. Thank you.

What a brave and lovely post! Quite enough to make a person delurk in order to tell you how much I enjoy the blog and the recipes. I'm off now to discuss the possibility of un morceau d'aiguillette baronne de boeuf for supper one day this week.

I am SO pleased that your road has become less rocky. (I can certainly vouch for how mirtazepine has been a godsend for us.)
Here's to you, your future and your lovely Blog. All power to you sir.
I have made a promise to myself that when I get a job (please please please Universe) I am going to take you to lunch or dinner, should you feel so inclined.

Happy Birthday! And thank you, in part for your honesty but mainly for your brilliant writing, excellent recipes, spot-on foodie tips (v useful for me as a fellow SE-Londoner) and even the occasional TV schedule reminder...

Refreshing to read such an open explanation of where you've been and where you're at now. I've not experienced the levels of depression and mental ill-health that you have described here, but I think it's valuable for everyone in society to understand what it can be like. And to be able to show some compassion. OK, so you were a cunt, it happens, but you seem to be more in control and less cunty now. That's what matters now, surely.
Looking forward to sharing more food talk with you in 2013.

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Becca

07/01/2013 02:53

I have been reading your blog for a while now and just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS. It is a fantastic and interesting read that I genuinely look forward to; so much so that my New Years resolution is to try and learn to bake bread. Plus I live just down the road in Nunhead and am always short on spends, so your shopping tips are really useful.

More importantly though, I find it hugely uplifting. I wish you the very best of luck with your continued recovery and a happy and fulfilling 2013. Now write some more recipes please... I'm hungry!

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Marian

07/01/2013 04:33

Many congratulations! Your blog is fantastic - the recipes are terrific and your story is heartwarming. Like many other readers I was worried recently when the site fell silent but am delighted to see you back and celebrating. Long may it continue!

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Paul T

07/01/2013 04:49

Absolutely brilliant stuff - SF you are a total inspiration ! About time you got around to converting this blog into a book, (note, not a stupid e-book - one with real pages !), though. Carry on the general forward movement...

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Victoria

07/01/2013 07:24

Well.. I think you are amazing, I have read your blog from the beginning. You are honest and funny, the receipes are great. Am looking forward to more of the same. Definitely get a book going - as Paul says real not e - . Congratulations on your first year and wishing you all the luck in the world xx

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Lynn F

07/01/2013 07:39

Well done. I love your blog and have found your story incredibly inspirational

Congratulations to you on putting up wonderful blog posts for a whole year. And thank you for sharing your personal journey. I have read almost all your posts and become concerned when at times you 'go quiet'. I hope that your health continues to improve and that you will further delight your readers with inspiring recipes and writing. Very best wishes.

I have only just discovered your blog, but I find your posts so inspirational. I know nothing of your circumstances, but the posts of delicious, cheap food are welcomed by a student like me! Please continue posting in your original, witty, vivid style. I can't get enough!
Best wishes.

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Christine

07/01/2013 10:32

Thank you SF for your wonderful blog - the food is great and so is your humanity.

Great post, great news, loved the before and after flat photos, what can I add - have a wonderful 2013 (and beyond)!

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Shed

07/01/2013 11:09

Happy birthday, here's to many more (and hopefully, one day, a book!) xxx

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Maite Ryall-Harvey

07/01/2013 11:12

Congratulations on the milestone and thank you very much for starting the site - it's been so helpful and never fails to inspire something cheap and tasty, all delivered in great style with humour.
Here's to another year!

I just found your blog via Fiona Beckett ‏@food_writer on Twitter, what an amazingly frank and well written piece on your amazing year! I look forward to reading you blog and wish you all the best for 2013 :) Some really interesting link too which I will be definitely be passing onto friends who live in your area. Gemma x

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Asma Khan

07/01/2013 11:58

Wonderful to read your story....am sure your journey and the transformation you have made will inspire others...Congratulations!

It often comes as a surprise to our American friends that us Brits are also able to use the word "cunt" as a term of affection. So here's to you, you daft cunt ;) And here's hoping that your excellent blog goes from strength to strength

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Vixx24

07/01/2013 12:33

Happy Anniversary, and well done on an incredible, inspirational, recovery. You will be giving hope to many people that a change can be made. Keep on keepin' on x

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Pattricia Corbyn

07/01/2013 12:42

Thank you for your recipes I have cooked a couple which are now staples but...... bugger I had to use a dictionary tonight to learn the meaning of solipistic lol .... please keep on blogging and keeping me on my toes :~)

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Kitty

07/01/2013 13:35

I am crying (in a good way) reading that.
I am in a brief up period of my own MH problems at the moment.
Your blog is inspirational and I LOVE FOOD and cooking!!
I will be following.
Keep on keeping on x x

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Grace

07/01/2013 14:19

Hi Skinty,

Grace Rowley here, formerly of FareShare. I just wanted to wish you a happy blog birthday and say how much I love reading your posts. I'm so pleased that you're doing it, and not just for all of the brilliant reasons in your post - I use your site for recipe inspiration all the time. You have a real talent so thanks for sharing. I'm really glad to hear that you visited FareShare too and sorry that I left before you came. Keep up the ace work.

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Andy Minshull

07/01/2013 14:29

Came across your blog as a result of Googling for a recipe for something or other. A great read, great rcipes, even enjoyed the description of shops and suppliers in you area which, as I live in Uxbridge, aren't of any real use to me. I wish you all the best for the future and don't let the bastards grind you down.

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Hugh

07/01/2013 14:52

What a heart warming year - may there be many more whatever the future brings for you. Thanks for the recipes, for telling us about wonderful local shops and for the message of hope and inspiration that your blog carries.

Open, wry and lacking self-pity yet enormously warm & uncynical - an inspirational piece of writing, which is an oft over-used term but not in this case.

I hope the meds keep working and you keep sharing.

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Andrea

07/01/2013 15:53

Congratulations and happy 1st birthday Mr Skinster. May there be many, many happy returns x

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Angela Graham (angebg)

07/01/2013 15:58

Hi, love this post!
Those involved in your recovery services must be so proud of you, as people like you make everything worthwhile. But you should be even prouder of yourself, you are inspirational. I am a mental health nurse in recovery services - still embryonic compared to yours, but getting there - and I have always loved seeing someone rise from the ashes of their former life and regain their self-respect. It's a hard road, which makes it all the sweeter when it pays off.
Love the blog as a whole, and your food is fab. Keep up the good work!
xxx

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Debbie

07/01/2013 16:43

Happy birthday fellow Nunhead mentalist! We walk the same streets and frequent the same shops and yet we never meet. Yet through your fabulous blog I feel like a friend. You have inspired me this last year and my flat is getting its act together like yours did. The support I also get from SLAM is really helping me and I am so grateful for what they do. Keep cooking...keep blogging.... and thank you for being so open and truthful about it all.

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Dawn

07/01/2013 17:56

Happy blog birthday! This has indeed been an inspirational read and I hope that you will refer to it yourself when you need that odd boost now and again -- I know I will. Here's to hope, control and opportunity!

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Anne

07/01/2013 18:31

Congratulations and thank you for the recipes and stories. More please.

Well done on your first year and truly inspirational how you have achieved so much! Well done!

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The Skint Foodie

08/01/2013 03:51

See: I SAID you were all really rather lovely, didn't I?

Many, many, Many thanks to each and everyone of you! Forgive me if I don't reply to each individual comment.

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Catherine

08/01/2013 04:13

I'm a bit late, but thanks for this lovely post, and for the blog.
It's always great to hear how you are getting on, as well as all the yummy foodie stuff.
I really hope you continue to blog and feel well xxx

Happy Birthday! What a truly incredible post. Lovely to see you yesterday, I expect we'll bump into each other again soon BECAUSE YOU'RE FOLLOWING ME ;) Here's to another year of the Skint Foodie!

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The Skint Foodie

10/01/2013 15:03

Thank you! I trust this means you've come to your senses and will be lifting the restraining order?

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VivB

08/01/2013 04:29

Have loved your blog from the beginning and will be eternally grateful to you especially for pointing out the wonderful power of sherry vinegar. You are an inspiration to all of us who suffer from mental health issues and I follow your music suggestions avidly. Keep on keeping on.

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Gina

08/01/2013 04:32

Fabulous as ever. Am very cheered at how far you have come and that you seem to be on a positive path now. This blog and this post in particular should serve as an inspiration to many! Happy Birthday x

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Nora

08/01/2013 11:44

Just found your blog. It's inspiring. What a year!

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MargyC

08/01/2013 14:23

Well done on reaching the one year anniversary. Reading it I was reminded of the Albert Einstein quote "We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about". Good food is of course a comfort and a little luxury makes all the difference, but your enthusiasm is infectious. I really hope you stay enthusiastic as your blog is bloody great.

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Steve

08/01/2013 16:52

I find your blog truly inspiring. I work as a psychiatric nurse in an Acute Unit, and show your blog to anyone I think might find some hope that they too can achieve and find some recovery in anthing they set out to do. Keep blogging Mr Skint Foodie.

PS recipes aren't too bad either!

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Jane Redford

08/01/2013 17:23

Congratulations skint foodie from an expat in Australia who loves reading about food shopping and real life in London. I've been closely affected by a loved one with serious mental illness so I congratulate you on achieving a very hard faught recovery.

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Arabella

09/01/2013 00:27

Happy New Year! I've squirreled away some of your recipes and you inspired me to buy an old fashioned enamel pie dish that makes me happy whenever I use it - so thank you.

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The Skint Foodie

10/01/2013 15:05

It's INSANELY satisfying using those, ain't it?

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Surinder Bains

09/01/2013 05:24

Congratulations on your blogiversary or whatever it's called. And thank you for sharing your journey. You write so well without any self pity and are a real inspiration. Plus your recipe are great. My daughter is going to follow you when she goes up to Uni. She's already looked at your spending page and been inspired. Here's to a great year ahead.

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SusaninLondon

09/01/2013 06:47

Skintie - congratulations on pulling your self back together. And you are definitely helping me stay sane in these nasty times.
Thank you.

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mikyla

09/01/2013 17:11

How very wonderful your last blog post was. Having found you at the tail end of your first year, I'm thrilled to be along for the second. Congratulations and well done!

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Jo

10/01/2013 05:25

Dear SF,

I think you're the one that deserves a mahoosive thanks for such a great blog. I've been reading since the beginning and I must say that your posts do brighten up my day. You've also made me realise that when I'm skint I don't need to survive on just porridge until pay day and that I should get around to reading more P.G. Wodehouse :) Take care!

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Tom

10/01/2013 05:50

This is one of my favourite places to read about food. Thank you and all the best for 2013.

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michael

10/01/2013 05:57

never ever shut down this blog or i`ll have to come down from lancs and garrote you !
happy anniversary skintster!

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Hannah

10/01/2013 12:05

I'm not much of a blog follower but I've loved yours ever since I discovered you last summer in that OFM article. I'm better at eating/thinking about food than cooking it unfortunately but in 2013, I must cook your delish looking recipes. I've got friends who've had mental health problems and I really appreciate your searingly honest as well as very funny posts. Very happy 1st anniversary - now what do you want that's made of paper and for the kitchen? x

Well done, sir! The great ideas and finds plus your own sweet self keep me coming back for more. Happy Birthday, and here's to many more.

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Marguerite

11/01/2013 11:07

Happy New Year!

I've been reading your blog for a few months ago having discovered it from an article. It's a source of inspiration for the 'worried well' as much as those wrestling with demons. It's one of a few things that has lit within me the desire to live in a different way although I haven't 'arrived' at that different way as yet.

Good luck for the future and keep blogging!

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Nita

11/01/2013 14:09

Blimmin' heck! A year already? More, Skinty! We want more. Looking forward to your next 12 months. Bravo, on all aspects.

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Pauline

11/01/2013 22:25

Dear SF. What a journey you've had. I can't express how much I've enjoyed reading your blogs, recipes and occasional rant :-). Looking forward to another year of it and wish you good health and happiness.
P

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Linda J

12/01/2013 02:32

With great admiration from Sydney, Australia x

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Rose

12/01/2013 07:59

Positive stories are in short supply at the moment with this shit of a government so this was really heartening to read. As someone who suffers from depression, although thankfully less and less due to psychotherapy, its really helpful to read your blogs and about your experiences of the ups and downs of coping with mental health issues. And you combine that with a love of food so you are right up my street! Thanks!

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Richard

12/01/2013 12:46

Congratulations, on a year of your wonderful blog, and on hopefully turning your life around. Your story is inspirational, and those who have helped you should be duly lauded - unfortunately it's more likely this government will close them down and put mental health out to the highest bidder and cheapest service.
All the best for the next year!

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Carrie

12/01/2013 18:01

Mahoosive congratulations on a most wonderful year of blogging. I love your blog and I love your honesty and I love your recipes and I've learned a lot about food. Thanks for posting your 'before' picture - my whole house looks like this, and I agree it is a metaphor for ones state of mind. I despair of ever getting it cleaned up, but looking at your 'after' picture I have hope that I, too, can have a nice tidy homely place.
Thank you for everything, and best wishes for the future. xxx

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Helen

12/01/2013 18:57

Happy, happy birthday from the other side of the world - New Zealand. I put a chef friend onto your blog and he has used some of your recipes at his workplace. Viva la skint.

I'm a newbie fan, only found your blog today via Fiona Beckett's blog. I'm so in awe of what you have acheived both personally and through your blog. More power to your elbow :)

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Oonagh

13/01/2013 18:36

Happy blogday, Skintster, and many thanks for the posts. They brighten many people's lives, not least my own.
And thanks for the Wodehouse!
Oonagh x

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Lynne

13/01/2013 19:07

Dear Mr. SF,
Thank you from the bottom-most, inner-most bits of my heart... for the blog, for the personal history, & for being so darn inspirational. I am going through a rough patch, hurt myself at work & it gets so wacky over here in the states with our piecemeal healthcare. Sigh. So, yes, will pray that your government continues to fund needed & necessary programs. Yes, will pray for your continued health & well-being, and also for more of your lovely lovely blog. May you have a bright future (& selfishly hoping that includes a lovely cookbook!) and may you find many lovely friends, near & far, who understand what it is to suffer, hurt & rise above. From one who is trying to figure out her own rising... and I will, just takes time.... but your blog & story play a part, in encouragement & inspiration, so thank you, thank you, thank you. All the best!!!! Lynne

Happy 1st Birthday Skintfoodie - here's to many more. Found you via The Guardian article and whilst I have never been quite where you have, I do have a black dog of my own. Your story is one of courage, optimism and sheer survival of the human spirit. And, yes, typing out recipes IS tedious!

hopefully there's still room for another positive supportive comment: a sincere congratulations, and thanks for showing me what the brave version of my food/addiction blog would look like. there's not really an existing taxonomy box for things like this to fall into and it's easy to feel isolated, so thanks for showing up.

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Sarah

10/04/2013 06:32

I really enjoy your blog and just started reading the posts about your personal journey. As a foodie and a psychologist, I find both your food & personal recovery posts fascinating & inspiring. Thank you for the amazing insights and also for the fab recipes.