Star Trek: Generations II, Chapter 3: “The Broken Bow Incident”

Written by Jason Reichstetter

Three days have passed since Gene Roddenberry exited the Nexus. Rick Berman has since hired Geneviève Bujold to play Captain Nicole Janeway, and filming has begun on “Caretaker”, the pilot for Voyager. Meanwhile, halfway across the country, Gene Roddenberry has been hitchhiking and has made it as far as Broken Bow, Oklahoma, where he is staying at a local truck stop.

Roddenberry: (Sitting down in the TV room, where the TV is turned onto a local channel) Ah, it feels good to stretch my legs.

TV Announcer: But, first back to Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda! Only on Broken Bow, TV 47!

Roddenberry: (Looks up at the screen and sees explosions and something catches his eye) ...Majel....

(Half an hour passes and Star Trek: Generations starts. Roddenberry has raided the snack bar and has popcorn and a Pepsi)

Two Hours Later...

Roddenberry: Oh, my God! They killed Captain Kirk! You bastards! That does it. Berman and Braga are going down! And who’s this Ronald D. Moore guy? I must have a little “chat” with them. (Roddenberry gets up and heads toward the door) All of a sudden, I feel it’s time to get back to California. Damn ion storms! All this would be over already if I didn’t get stuck in frigging Wisconsin!

Berman: (The doors slide open and Brannon Braga enters) What is it, Brannon?

Braga: We’ve got a problem.

Berman: There’s a problem with the cloning process, isn’t there? Dr. Flotsham may have to be replaced...

Braga: No, sir. It’s Geneviève Bujold. She walked out.

Berman: Oh, nobody does that to me. I’ll see to it she’s making direct-to-video movie sequels to The Substitute with Treat Williams by the end of the week. This is going to put us back a couple of days. Options?

Braga: Well, we’ve considered getting Linda Hamilton, but she may be too expensive. Um, we could probably get one of those two chicks from Three’s Company to play Janeway.

Berman: (Thinking. As he’s thinking, he looks over at the TV, where a rerun of Mrs. Columbo is playing) I think we’ve found our new Captain Janeway.

Braga: Who?

Berman: (Points over to the TV)

Braga: You can’t be serious. I frigging hate this show!

Berman: Which is what makes it perfect! What better way to ruin a show, then by having to write for somebody you can’t stand. Brannon, get me Kate Mulgrew!

Braga: Sir, there’s only so far I’m willing to stoop, and I think we’ve reached the limit.

Berman: (His eyes start glowing red) Do you want to continue making money, Mr. Braga? If you do not get Kate Mulgrew on the phone this instant, you will be a janitor, cleaning up after actors starring in crappy Batman movies for Warner Bros.! Now get me Kate Mulgrew!

(After the doors shut, the symbiont slug-thing detaches from Berman, and Berman’s body slumps over in the chair. The symbiont slugs its way over to the bathroom, and shuts the door, where it proceeds to take a dump.)