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The Essential Guide to Accepting Depression and Anxiety Symptoms

One woman learns that denying her depression and anxiety created a cycle of relapses. Giving herself permission to be imperfect led to healing.

By Gail Mitchell

I spent most of my adult life running away from my anxiety and depression until I finally realized what an exhausting and pointless waste of time that was. Since embracing the reality that I am a whole but flawed person, I am healthier, happier, and calmer than I have ever been.

The pressure of perfectionism and work-related stress led to a depression diagnosis in my early 20s. As a trainee accountant with a promising career ahead of me, I was determined it would be just a blip on my life plan. I took medication. I had therapy. I got myself “cured” and ended my treatment.

Five years later I crashed again. My diagnosis expanded to include anxiety disorders. For many months I was unable to work, drive, or even leave the house alone. It took longer to recover this time, but I did it. As with my initial depressive episode, I was adamant it was never going to happen again. This time I was cured for real!

Thanks to that short-sighted outlook, I had many relapses in the following years. I focused so much time and energy on keeping up my calm, confident persona despite daily anxious symptoms that when I inevitably let go of the pretense, the pendulum would swing rapidly over to anguish and desperation. I’d hate myself, berate myself, and take months to recover.

Finally I realized that I needed to accept my depression and anxiety for what it is: an essential part of my psyche. I can no more deny it than I can deny my left arm. Acceptance was daunting at first, but has been the most healing step I have ever taken.

Here are some of my tips for what acceptance means to me:

Accept that it’s OK not to be OK. In a world that tells us relentlessly to be a perfect size 6, get excellent grades, and so on, it is inevitable to feel unable to live up to the demands— especially if we have anxiety and depression to contend with as well.

It was such a relief to give myself permission to be imperfect and to make mistakes. I stopped torturing myself after every panic attack. I allowed myself lazy days if my mind was on overload. I stopped telling myself I was wasting my life. After all, aren’t there enough battles in this world without picking a fight with your own subconscious?

It was such a relief to give myself permission to be imperfect and to make mistakes.

Accept that life is a lottery. Whenever things went wrong I truly believed that the universe was out to get me. Do you realize how unlikely that is? I’m not so important that the universe should be bothered about me. Bad things happen to everyone. Sometimes it isn’t fair, sometimes it’s unbearable—but it’s not personal.

Accept that there is something good in every situation. On a similar note, I now try to look for something good in every situation. If it’s a horrible, life-changing situation, I try all the harder to see the good. It doesn’t come naturally and I have to force myself to do it, but I have never yet come up with a big fat zilch, however awful my circumstances appear to be.

Accept the background noise. I can’t relax. In fact, I’m worst at relaxing at exactly the times when I really should be unwinding, like on vacations or rest days. My mind goes into overdrive imagining a million worst-case scenarios. My body is on the beach, but my mind is in turmoil because I might have missed an important deadline.

Now, rather than berating myself for my inability to relax, I just accept that the worries will come. I also accept that I don’t have to get embroiled in every disastrous scenario that crosses my mind. I can focus my attention on enjoying the present, even if I’m not completely worry-free.

Accept who you are, but believe in who you one day might be. Since my acceptance policy began, I wrote a book, got married, and started my own business. Yes, I still experience symptoms, but I am so much more than my diagnoses.

I’ve stopped punishing myself and labeling myself as “weak.” I accept myself as a whole person with imperfections, but also with many strengths and much to feel grateful for.

Jk

Alisa

Hi – thanks for this – I’ve read this at a a very apt time. I have had 3 breakdowns – I’m 32 and I’m still desperately waiting for the calm and happy me to evolve – I can’t bear the depression and anxiety so I desperately resist it despite doing mindfulness etc etc. Today has been a really tough day and I’ve fought it repeatedly – your article has given me hope that there is an alternative. Your experience sounds similar to mine – coming from a fellow perfectionist!

Debbie

This very day, I had decided that to accept depression as a new part of me and my life is to reach for peace. Healing? I don’t know. But having some level of peace can be enough. I feel sure riding the waves of the sadness will help relieve the anger.

Huytongirl

I have to accept it, I know. To accept that it is a very serious, potentially fatal illness, it isn’t my fault, and I have done everything I can to fight it. It comes back and comes back and comes back. I cannot cope with life. That’s OK. I doubt if I will start a business or ever have a job again. Well, if I am too ill to do so – better to accept it. Stop hating myself. Live the life I have. Find joy if I can.

Sheila

I’m 71 years old and have suffered from severe panic attacks, anxiety and depression since my early 20s – every day I wake up with that gut-wrenching feeling that I have yet another day to get through. Just this morning it occurred to me that I should try to just accept it as my life and stop fighting – I found this page looking for suggestions on how to do that and you’ve already given me some good ideas – thank you!

Kathy

At age 72, I finally am finally free of major, relapsing depression, but it’s taken years of therapy and medication. However, with the help of those, I’ve come through a life nearly derailed by anxiety, depression, and suicide attempts. I recently wrote a “Letter to the Universe” that was a cry of rage from my 11-year-old self to the world and my family about my anger, sadness, and pain. It was unbelievably freeing in terms of seeing all my “issues” in one place and to have released my anger about all of it. I recommend it. My therapist asked me to read it to her rather than give it to her, and amid many tears and much pain, I did so. It was a genius suggestion on her part. Try it if you have a therapist! Highly recommended. My therapist takes Medicare, so all the treatment of my youth that took all my salary is over. Hang in there and get your angst on paper, especially if it’s about childhood abuse, rage, hurt,, pain, whatever…

Maria

Jo

This is a very very good post for me, I relate so much. I struggle very much with accepting this horrid thing that takes over me. I have to allow this to mess my brain up and stop fighting it. Take time out, don’t feel guilty for going to bed if I need to. I can never say to anyone ‘I have depression and I get suicidal thoughts’ as I hate scaring people but I’ve been able to be open with the doctor and in therapy – this has helped to say this out loud. A great book by Sally Brampton, who sadly took her own life, explained that vulnerable (to depression) people struggle with triggers in their life, and this can then become overwhelming. Accepting that I am different (not with everyone has it, why) I must do.

Shirley

I don’t see myself as flawed or imperfect because of my major depression. I see myself as someone living with an illness who is still learning to navigate it, search for my strengths and use them as best I can, and I am proud that I have kept going in the face of unbearable misery. I am beautiful – and so are you all!!!

Shel

THANK YOU!! This article was a good remainder &and bought tears to my eyes. It made me feel less alone. Trying to hide my depression & anxiety added to your depression & anxiety! This will be one of my go to article when I need adjustment in accepting who am.

NotNow

I can’t agree with the idea there is something good to be found in every situation….unless of course you can tell me what good I’m missing in having lost a young family member to suicide. The effect on the family and friends is like no other. The prongs of pain, loss, depression and more run far and wide. There is no good in this nor will there ever be.

Nuseedling

Thank you for sharing your truth and how you have come to terms with reality. You have reminded me in my struggle w/ Bi-Polar & ADHD that these are unpleasant remnants of my being that I must accept, but I am so much more. I have so glad to hear that you are WELL.

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HEALTHY HABITS

Most of us don’t default to healthy habits. It takes planning and effort, and sometimes a surge of self-discipline, to eat right, exercise, get the sleep we need, and stay on top of work and life tasks. Establishing new habits, let alone purging bad ones, can require major effort, especially if we are also struggling with depression or anxiety. What are some good habits that you've formed and how did you build them?