I was an only child, but I never really spent time alone. Sure, I spent time in my room, or played by myself, but there was always an adult nearby. Always someone else in the house.

When I went away to college, I had a roommate. And when I moved from the dorms, it was to share a space with the man that would eventually be my husband. So while I've always entertained myself, I've never had time or space that I didn't share in one way or another. And it's always amusing to me to me that people think I must have been lonely being an only child.

In reality, I fought for alone time. I would hide at the library, lock my bedroom door, and now as an adult, I cherish those rare moments where my house is empty. But even then, I have a cat and a dog that don't do well unless they are under someone's foot. Namely mine.

The reason I'm telling you this is I am playing taxi driver for a family member today, and I am sitting, writing this in a Starbucks with absolutely nowhere to go, and no one to answer to for seven whole hours. I had made plans to meet with a friend, but they fell through. I'm super bummed about not seeing an awesome chick I really want to connect with more often, but I'm also just a little giddy with the prospect of not even having an animal water bowl to fill for the better part of a day.

I didn't think about it, but when I sat down, I felt my shoulders release. I could breathe a little easier when I realized I don't have any laundry or dishes to do. It would be a real feat if I could get those chores done while I'm across state lines. The only downside is the persistent Christmas music playing over the speakers. Thank goodness for over the ear headphones.

I've been working through some mental garbage lately, and everyone's emotions crashing against my own has been incredibly draining. Which is exactly why I've started hoarding my alone time.

I'm planning on doing at least a little of all the things I don't get to do on a daily basis at home. I'm going to read for pleasure.

I have a date with an old friend. I met Jodi briefly while she was dressed up as a furry animal during a Samhain party at the RT Booklovers Convention. While both the publisher and the convention are closed for business, Jodi is still kicking ass. So I wanted to get reacquainted with her awesome sense of humor.

My first impression of Jodi was her squeeing over her book cover on a banner at that party years ago. And her joy translates to her books, so I'm ready to giggle inappropriately today.

I'm also going to pick up my neglected journal. I've stopped doing my morning pages and I miss the scratch of the pen on the paper. I'm ready to word vomit with no pressure and add to the release I feel just being on my own without a time crunch.

I'm going to reach out to the people who have agreed to write with me and enjoy the beauty of April Fool's Day. I am incredibly excited about the group we've got coming your way in 2020. That excitement brings me the final thing I get to do today.

I get to write. I get to put aside the timers and the rush of NaNoWriMo and luxuriate in the words that are trying to bubble to the surface. Who knows, maybe I'll even finish a book today. Maybe I'll start a new one, but the idea of writing and not having a single soul knock on the door or "check on me" is intoxicating.

Going from always having people around to flourishing during alone time isn't easy. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, or checking on the people around me. I'm not used to the responsibilities being only for me. I'm not used to pursuing something for the sake of pleasure and allowing another person to take charge, but as I sip the now cooling coffee in my festive holiday cup, I can feel the warmth flood my whole body.

Getting to be alone is a luxury for me. I plan to do everything but take a nap. Because they might frown on that at a coffee shop.

Do you enjoy spending time alone? What would you do with an entire day to yourself? Give me some ideas, because I just might have to do this again.

I am writing this post on November 30th, but sitting at 19k, I realize am not going to hit even the halfway point in NaNoWriMo this year.

It's the first year I've failed as "Roxy" after five straight wins. Even more wins if you count my now dead persona.

It's surreal and hard to swallow. Especially after I started out on November 1st with 5k.

This November kicked my real life ass. Between hubby pulling extra time a state away for his new job, the house needing work, the car needing work, and bills popping up out of nowhere, I struggled. Add in extra hours at my evil day job, and some minor health issues, and my whole month was spent in emergency management.

My morning routine flew out the window. My life revolved around cooking for the family because of no money or time to eat out, and taking vitamin C like there was no ​tomorrow, because there was no option for me to get sick.

However, this month was not a wash or a fail by any stretch of the imagination. I did a lot of really cool things this month. And I learned a lot! Which is what I want from any NaNoWriMo adventure.

What did I learn? Here are my Top 5.

1. I found out daily double posts are not realistic. I was able to keep up for a couple weeks, but it wasn't realistic to blog, post, and write on an every day schedule. I've done it in the past, but my home life then was very different than it is now, and I need to rework my expectations. I realized how important my mental health is. And I found that taking the time I needed to not break down, was vital.

2. I learned I really like live-streaming and being on video. I only did one live "write-in" but I enjoyed the hell out of it. I liked talking on camera, and it's something I didn't realize about myself. So I have a new direction to explore.

3. I learned that while I can plot, it's harder for me to adjust on the fly when I have a plot written down. So until I can stick to a plot as written, plotting and fast-drafting together doesn't work well for me. Whether or not this plot style I've tried will net less time in edits still remains to be seen, but I'm going to get some writing done after this post. If I finish a book in two months that requires half the editing of a fast draft written in one...well...hell, it's worth the extra time.

4. I learned how much my hubby pimps my writing when I'm not around. This was one of those weird moments that spurred me to keep working on my manuscript. Hubby's new job takes him on the road a lot and when he's home I try to make it a point to spend some time with him. Which took away from the writing, but my own HEA beats any book ending. He told me about how his work conversation with colleagues turned into him sharing my pen name and some book info. (PS, if you're here because of my hubby, I appreciate it. Hit me up if you want a signed paper copy. I have extras for sale.)5. I learned that winning or losing NaNoWriMo doesn't define me as a writer. This should have been obvious, but it surprised me that I needed to learn this lesson the most. I am a huge proponent of NaNoWriMo, and I wouldn't change the opportunities and the friends it's afforded me. BUT, I also think it was good for me to not hit my 50k this month. Deadlines are valuable, but it's more important to me now to write a book worth putting up for sale. Could I have written 50k this month? Yes. Would it have been a work I was proud to publish? With the stress and mental fatigue I was dealing with...not a chance in hell.

There has been a lot of talk among people (I'm not naming names. No. Not even in DMs) who are profitable in this business. These are people who are using ghostwriters and only working hard on the first 10-20% of their books, because that's all they need to do to sell them. I don't think that could ever be me. And maybe that means I won't get to live off my book sales, but some things are more important than money to me, and integrity is one of those things.

My books might not ever hit a list, but I hope I've made people smile with my stories. I've had authors and editors I respect in this business compliment my voice and story-telling.

Through my journey so far, I've learned I'm an author. I've been published and reviewed, and no one can take that away from me. Not even a NaNoWriMo loss.

I'm off to write and take some of what I've learned with me.

Did you participate in NaNoWriMo? Did you hit your purple bar? What did you learn from this process? I'd love to hear about it.