Unsaid

“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” ~Catherine Gilbert Murdock.

The things we don’t say. Wow. I’m at a loss where to start this but here we go but a break from Alexandra’s story is in order.

Confession time. I’m not the greatest communicator. In fact, I suck at it sometimes. I’m more demonstrative than verbal. I believe this is likely because I spent a long time with someone who was big on saying the right things and big on appearances rather than reality. Believe me when I say this is the absolute nicest thing I can say about that situation. In many ways, that situation impacted me in ways that still anger me.

Lost Stars has a lyric that gets me thinking about the above quote…

Searching for meaning, but are we all lost stars Trying to light up the dark?

I am not sure what the author’s intent was with these lyrics but I know what it feels like to be that lost start trying to find her way in the dark. The road was not easy. In fact, that road was absolute shit. I had to do a lot of work on myself to get from where I was to where I am. I had to find that light and push through the heartache and pain. I had to push through the girl I was and into the woman I am—scars and all. I had to find my footing in this whole writing gig because this called to me. This was my passion. That passion turned into a dream and then reality about my first book publication in 2012. Funny part, that manuscript was done for the better part of eight years before my husband nudged me and said “Go do the thing you want.” So I try to be better about not leaving things unsaid or without a measure of resolution.

I’m not a great talker. I swear. I get flustered. I drop f-bombs at in appropriate times but I don’t know that I would have me any other way. I observe more than participate when situations make me uncomfortable or I am trying to get a feel for the room so to speak. If I don’t like the feel or I am intimidated I tend to withdraw into a shell of sarcasm, cool politeness and trivial conversation. Anyone that knows me well has seen me do it a thousand and one times. How do you deal with those situations? What impacts you to respond that way in social situations? Do you leave things unsaid in your silence? I do. In some cases its better that unsaid thing remain in my head bouncing off a filter. In others, I miss opportunities. After meetings, I have a series of things that occur to me. “Shit, why didn’t I ask that?”

So my advice to you, don’t leave it unsaid. Try not to miss the opportunities—especially the ones staring you in the face. Take a chance. Be brave. Manage the fallout as best you can. In the end, you will be more satisfied with the outcome than if you’d played the “what if” game with yourself after the fact. Get a good support system that will help you sort out the facts from your insecurities.

The Maeseloria Monthly launches in THREE days. If you have not signed up, click subscribe on the right and make sure you confirm your subscription or you won’t show up on the mailing list. I really am proud of what I’ve put together even though it makes me nervous as hell. This newsletter is step out of the proverbial box for me. So I guess it’s my turn to be brave right?

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2 Comments on “Unsaid”

I absolutely love what you said about the “what if” game. I played that game for a long time because I was never sure of myself, or thought that nobody would care. But after putting myself out there more, allowing myself to be vulnerable, it completely changed my thinking and also my writing. Beautiful post, friend. I’m glad that you’ve found your way to the light.

Right, even in fiction there are places to tap that vulnerability and it translates into your work. For me, at times, it’s like “huh, I wonder if they see me in this character”. I write from places of pain; joy; hope and I don’t always recognize that impact until someone tells me. 🙂 It took a lot of fighting, Mia, to get where I am but the fight was worth it.