Self-Limiting Talk. When we are self-limiting we may say things like, "I can't tell him how I feel" or "It's too hard to finish the project" or "I'm getting so fat!" Self-limiting talk creates a self-fulfilling prophecy because we stop looking for solutions and assume defeat. Instead of looking at our options, we tell ourselves that we can't handle the things that face us.

Jumping to Conclusions. When we experience an uncomfortable situation, we make interpretations rather than simply stating the facts. For example, we'll say, "I tried on my jeans and looked so disgusting" or "Tom talked to me and I made a fool of myself" or "If I go to the gym, people will talk about me." When we jump to conclusions, we too often assume the worst and make fact out of what might be fiction.

Habits of Speech. Our speech patterns can be so automatic that we don't even notice them. And though we may not even really mean what we say, it can have a negative impact on how we feel about ourselves. This may sound like, "What do you expect from a dumb blonde?" or "I'm so stupid!" This habit also shows up in the way we discount ourselves to others. For example, when someone tells us we look nice and we respond, "Yeah, right!" Though these detrimental habits may sometimes be disguised as humor, they aren't funny at all.

Others' Thoughts Become Our Own. Some of our thoughts are planted by external sources such as our parents, spouse, colleagues, or friends. These well-meaning voices have clear expectations of us that become a part of our own self-talk. Though their thoughts can serve us, they can also become detrimental when we are unable to distinguish their ideas from our own. One sign of this form of negative self-talk is when we begin to hear ourselves say things like "You really shouldn't..." or "You ought to..." When others' thoughts become our own we begin to act out of guilt, rather than desire.

You may have a different kind of limiting self-talk, but after reading Moore's 4 descriptions I think you'll be quicker to recognize the negative self-talk and to start the elimination process!

WELCOME TO IWO!

It's the beginning of the third year of intelligentwomenonly.com I've started off with some retrospective posts as a reminder to me and you that this blog started out focused on understanding and eliminating negative self-talk. Not surprising since my current book project is Handbook #l for Intelligent Women: Break the Negative Self-Talk Habit.Strong beliefs underlie intelligentwomenonly.com posts:• Research based advice/suggestions/content contain more accurate facts and greater value than pop psychology.• Intelligent girls and women are more likely than intelligent boys and men to limit themselves because of their self-talk.• Negative self-talk is a bad habit, not a neurosis or psychosis. Unfortunately, it's normal in a majority of girls and women.

•The negative self-talk habit has to be eliminated before realistic (or positive thinking) can be learned and maintained.• Positive self-talk cannot create a positive reality even if the negative self-talk habit is broken.• Self-help approaches can work for changing thinking, feeling, and behavioral habits.In the next nine months of 2012, I would love to be able to tell you that the book will be published this year or next. In the meantime I've become intrigued with new brain research about thinking and emotions, particularly applicable and useful for and to women. I'll post no more about gender differences, unless they're wildly interesting, and more about intelligent women's psychology, thinking, feelings, and out front actions. I've added a new red subject box, Writers and Writing, targeted specifically for writers, of course!

I'm still looking for some controversy, disagreement, new information from readers. I'm open to your thoughts about what you'd like to hear more about — or less about!Please send me your comments, suggestions, questions, criticisms — all of you intelligent women out there!