Your rowmate, Meredith—who is 10 years your junior—will keep you sane and inspire perspective, compassion, generosity and kindness. When you mention you blog, she’ll tell you her boyfriend also blogs about being a professional athlete, but she will not tell you that he’s Olympic athlete, Reid Coolsaet or that she’s quite the accomplished athlete herself. You’ll find that out later via her Twitter feed and your mad stalker skills.

You’ll be told by the Great Falls head airport dude as you re-board the plane that you were a pleasant group of cooperative Canadians and he is glad he didn’t have to shoot anyone.

Just before landing you will be told you have to clear customs.

You’ll be amazed customs wasn’t warned about the hundred people coming through with the same story.

You’ll be asked why you don’t have your passport and you’ll dig around in your purse to find your Zen before answering.

When you finally land and track down a shuttle to your hotel:

You will be weepy, and when the driver pulls up to the hotel, hands you your bag and asks over his shoulder if you already paid as if he’s sure you have, you’ll lie and say yes because you’re tired, emotional, two parts Awful Human Being, and feel the universe owes you.

You will confess this to your roommate upon arrival because you know the universe didn’t actually owe you anything and that YOU STOLE, YOU JERK.

You won’t track down the shuttle and remedy the situation, but you’ll continue to feed badly about it and later confess on your blog.

You will find your roommate already in bed, but this won’t stop you from keeping her up until past 1am because it’s only past 11pm your time.

You will awake the next morning in time for the 7:30 newcomer’s welcome even though it’s only 4:30am your time.

You will start to meet fun people, get to hand out your business cards for the first time, and get your giddy on.

Your mind will be blown when during your first micro-session you’re challenged to just fucking write and let your voice find you.

You’ll want to ask the presenter to marry you and you’ll be sure she’ll say yes because you’ll share a moment across the table when she lets her potty mouth lead.

You’ll know you chose the right conference when the presenter of the second micro-session drops a few more F-bombs and gives you some tricks to make your blog better.

You’ll have your attention desires met when at the final micro-session you’re alone at a table with two co-authors who listen with the intensity of a new lover and promote your writing to the two late-comers as if the authors are your very own PR team.

It will be time to break for lunch:

You’ll hunt down someone you’ve been having hilarious Twitter exchanges with for months and dine with her and some of her peeps.

You’ll feel connected through storytelling, this time face-to-face over food instead of online over your greasy keyboard. (No, YOU have a greasy keyboard.)

The speaker portion of the day begins:

You won’t know who any of them are, but by the end you’ll want to buy their book or tell them to write one and make a mental note to begin online creeping.

You’ll take a break from speakers to peruse booths with your homegirl, Tara, and be reminded she’s a keeper when at the Diva Cup booth you obsess over getting the pictures just right. Later you’ll tell Tara you’re going back for a third photo because you know how to make it perfect, and you’ll know she fully supports your mission because she’ll respond by telling you you’re so cute, and it won’t be patronizing at all.

You’ll return to the speakers and catch the last ten minutes of one you’ll regret missing because she’ll give you goosebumps 28 times in three minutes.

They will send you on your way to eat and get ready for the costume karaoke party:

You’ll be invited to get ready with two of the gals your roomie did the Road Rally with while you were finding your Zen Place at the Great Falls airport in Montana.

You’ll happily oblige because your roomie is so great that whomever she likes must be great, too.

This will turn out to be excellent logic.

You’ll learn that your roomie wasn’t kidding that one of them brought their cat.

When Cat Lady explains why she brought her cat you’ll make an excellent first impression by responding, “Right, and that makes it much less crazy that you brought your cat.”

You’ll bond with Howard the cat.

You’ll spend the next three hours talking to three strangers as if you were the modern-day, potty-mouthed versions of Anne of Green Gables and Diana.

You’ll feel whole because you’ve been the loneliest lately and friendship is a salve you’ll lean into.

You’ll be fed alcohol and this will lead to large amounts of silliness that may or may not include hiding behind fake hotel plants and taking pictures of yourself in the foliage. This may or may not lead to you putting on one of your new friend’s discarded underwear over your jeans while you talk to your husband on the phone in the bathroom. This most assuredly will include ridiculous amounts of laughter.

Howard the cat will not be impressed by your underwear antics.

You’ll ask your friends to monitor your drink intake, but they will not. Nor will Howard the cat.

You’ll threaten to fire them.

You won’t.

You’ll be dragged to Yonge Street to find food with your roomie because she is a good roomie.

You’ll find delicious Pad Thai.

You’ll arrive to the party late with friends in tow and you’ll dance to every song and preform amazing tricks with your magic wand.

You’ll get on stage and do one Karaoke song, which is something you’ve never done before.

You’ll stay away from the mic, but you’ll perform the sign-language version of the song because this will seem like an awesome idea.

You’ll know in the morning that this is not an awesome idea, but it will be too late.

You may or may not walk up to random groups of women and stand on the perimeter of their circle, nose-breathing loudly until they talk to you because you’ll think it’s hilarious.

They may or may not think it’s hilarious.

The ones who think it’s hilarious are for keeps.

The ones who pretend you’re not there should be given more drink tickets.

You’ll got to bed too late again, but won’t fret because the memories you’ll make and the full feeling in your heart will be worth the sleep you’ll sacrifice.

Your alarm will go off the next morning in time for you to get ready for the Movember/Instagram excursion:

You’ll think to yourself: fuck memories and friendship, I should have gone to bed.

You’ll make yourself get out of bed, even though for 30 minutes you press snooze and consider skipping the excursion.

You’ll drink a lot of water because your liver hates you.

You’ll find your group in the lobby and you’ll walk and talk your way to the Movember office, helping you forget your liver hates you.

You’ll make more connections that remind you that you fucking love people. People are your happy place. People and their stories.

You’ll learn all about Movember and its roots and you’ll be inspired to make the world better.

Okay, okay… I admit it. I snort-laughed at this one: “You’ll know she’s a keeper when you rub the complimentary Dove body wash all over your hands thinking it’s hand cream and she doesn’t immediately switch tables to avoid future skin faux pas.”

That’s the thing about these conferences – you walk around wondering if you are being a total dork, not really thinking that everyone around you is walking around thinking the same thing. Embrace the dorkness, I say. ;)

Shannon

I LOVE snort-laughers. I wish I was a snort-laugher.

We’re all dorks. That’s what I love about humanity and getting people together. It squishes the fear that we’re the only one feeling what we’re feeling.

http://canadiandad.com Chris

This is my favourite recap yet! And you know what? Had I seen you rub that body wash on your hands, I would have done it too, just so that there were two of us with super clean, slightly embarrassed hands! Also, you were right about the vaginas. ;D

Shannon

I rubbed the body wash on my hands after watching the woman next to me do it. It didn’t feel quite right. I picked up the bottle and announced it was body wash. We were both embarrassed. Mine was the kind I immediately tweeted about. :)

http://www.noliesplace.com/blog Nolie

Love your recap. I roomed with new people this year and now consider them some awesome friends. 2 of us are actually planning a girls week-end and a birthday celebration as we found out I am only 3 days older than her.

Thanks to my post you know I totally understand the sleep thing. On the way home I actually texted my husband asking if he magically had the day off work the next day so I could sleep and he could watch the kids. Sadly he didn’t. I then tried to convince my 5 year old to skip school so I could nap instead of bringing him to school. He wouldn’t have any of it.

Shannon

Yay for new friends! I hope to hang out with my ladies again soon for more crazy fun. That’s great you connected like this, too. Friendship is the bomb.

Oh man, I could nap until 2013. Still so tired.

http://allinadana.com/ Dana

I love your post. I hope the fact that it reminds me of “if you give a mouse a cookie” does not offend you — it says more about the state of affairs of my bookshelves than it does about your reading and just to be clear, I love that book. I too wish we could have met. Here’s hoping you’re brave enough to try coming back next year.

Shannon

It’s AWESOME that you read it in the tone of those books because THAT’S HOW I WROTE IT. This morning I re-read it and I had that voice in my head. Success!

I missed your sign language karaoke! But I remember the magic wand. And I too want to buy every book and site of the afternoon speakers.

Shannon

I miss the magic wand. I think I lost it.

http://merrywithchildren.com Merry120

Ok….even though you missed out on the first bit….I find myself jealous of your Blissdom experience & sad that I didn’t get to hang out with you and Howard the cat. Love, love, love your write up & your blog design. :)

Shannon

Howard the cat is the greatest. I’m in love with him. I think he’s crushing on me a little, too.

It would have been awesome to meet you.

My blog is all to my dude’s credit. It’s what he does for a living. My site is a playland for him. He read your comment–so thanks for stroking his already-inflated ego. ;)

http://www.latenightplays.com Louise

The underwear over your pants while on the phone with your husband? HILARIOUS! But the heavy nose-breathing on the perimeter of groups of women? CANNOT STOP LAUGHING! Loved this post – so much. Please come and breathe on the back of my neck next year. I want to meet you!

Shannon

Okay–where was your circle of ladies when I needed them?

Let’s meet so I can breathe on you. #waitwhat?

http://mrsjanuary.com/ Cassie

I’m pretty sure you left out the part where you had to take on a new role of “wing-fixer”, when my so-called assistant was slacking. That was a serious gig, you know. I would have been screwed without your help! What kind of fairy has broken wings? Not me!

Shannon

Cassie–I totally meant to write about that part! TOO MANY THINGS.

And yeah: you owe me huge. And so does your unobservant assistant. Pffft.

Super fun to meet you! I’ll be in touch about COUPON STUFF. That’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.

http://mrsjanuary.com/ Cassie

I am here for you. Coupon stuff is fun. I will teach you how to rock it.

http://www.bitofmomsense.com Rebecca (@bitofmomsense)

this is one of my favourite recaps. It had me laughing but wishing we had crossed paths (what? In a sea of 500 people I didn’t meet everyone?!! FAIL ;)

I hope you add the event to your plans for 2013 – and keep blogging like this!!!

Great to chat with you on Twitter ;)

Shannon

Happy to make you laugh, Rebecca. It’s my fave. It would have been great to be able to meet more people. Maybe we need a week-long conference next time?

http://www.simplyelemental.blogspot.com Jenn

I’m sorry that I never met you, because based on this recap, I think I love you! ;)

Shannon

Well this is moving more quickly than I anticipated, but I’m game!

http://www.changethetopic.com Birdman

No wonder I didn’t see you, I was looking for a blonde. You need to update your avatars.

Shannon

Don’t sass me. Your face is an avatar.

Victoria

How is it that we did not meet last weekend? Clearly this must be rectified at a later date. And thank you for not only visiting but commenting on my recap post. Blissdom rocks.

Shannon

Blissdom was pretty great. So was your recap. :)

Jocelyn

This was so fun to read. Will you go back?

Shannon

I’m not sure. It was far to go for just a weekend (especially with a 12-hour flight), but I did get a lot out of it. Maybe!

Hi. I’m Shannon. So are you. I’m totally adding you to my must read list after this post. And I wish we had more than 2.75 seconds to chat on the weekend. I must see you again. (Pretend I’m saying this in Ryan Gosling’s voice so that it sounds less creepy, k?) xo

Shannon

I wish we’d had more time, too. When you were with my moustache group, I giddily believed you would stay with us. Sadly no.

Hey girl, you’re not creepy at all. xo

http://www.shasherslife.com/ Shash

I wanted SOOOO badly to sit with you and listen to you talk, yes… I’m crushing on you. Shannon’s are cool. What can I say…

I’m glad I got to dance a little bit with you at least. That was you… right?! ;)

Shannon

Ha! That was me. We did dance together. You were a white wonder!

Hopefully we’ll have more time together in the future.

Jocelyn

This looks like it was SUCH fun. I’m not 100% sure about the Diva Cup photo op (though, returning to do a second photo to get it right? ME TOO). I think I’d hold a sign that says “Critical Diva”. :)

Shannon

Critical? Tell me about that.

http://www.jenandjoeygogreen.com Jen @ Go Green

I’m glad that the world didn’t implode due to your “antics” on Saturday. I’m not glad that I am such a ninja that you didn’t even realize you were talking to me until after we were done talking.

I loved reading your recap and am so glad you had a great weekend!

Shannon

I KNOW. I felt SO silly after I realized it was you. I wish we had chatted more. Were you privy to my Saturday antics?