July 30, 2003

My wonderful little bug. I am so torn. I can't wait to watch you grow up, walk, talk, and smile, but I love you being so small and cuddly. I hope I will be a good Mommy to you. Daddy thinks you will be the first female motocross champion. I hope you will pick something safer. I so dread going back to work. I don't want to miss anything. I love you so much.

Today was your due date, but I guess you had a different agenda, and that was fine with me! You umbilical cord fell off. I'm glad it's gone...Yuck! A couple days ago when I was bathing you, I noticed it was starting to come off and it was a little bloody and gooey looking. I freaked out a little and called your Dad in there to look at it. I asked him if he thought it was all right and he said, "Why don't you know, you're the nurse?" I told him, they never fall off for me. He thinks that because I'm a nurse, I'm supposed to know everything medical related. I'm happy to report that now that it's fallen off, everything looks a-okay, and you have an inny.

July 24, 2003

Today was your first doctor's appointment. I really liked the doctor's office, they had a special room for us to wait in, so you didn't have to be out in the waiting room with all the sick kids. You got weighed and measured. 7lbs 6 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long. Dr. VanZee was very impressed that you are already back up to your birth weight. Yay for Mama's milk! You are looking a little jaundiced, but Dr. VanZee wasn't too worried.

I am very happy to report that I think my spinal headache is finally gone. What a relief that is. Sally, Joe, Meghan, and Nick are coming over tonight to meet you for the first time.

July 20, 2003

Today the Smith family came to see you. Nana, Papa, Gigi, Aunt Angie and Uncle Joe, and Joey were there to meet you. You were so good and let everyone hold you. I was miserable. The spinal headache is terrible. I am hot and my breasts feel like two red hot bricks on my chest. You nurse every 1-2 hours and since the breastfeeding thing makes Papa uncomfortable, I take you to another room. Gigi made the comment, "She wants to eat alot, maybe you don't have enough milk." I so wish I could have lifted up my shirt and shown her I have enough milk to feed an army of newborns. I love them, but I really wished everyone would just go away so I could lay down. I'm not tired, I just don't feel well. Earlier I was begging you to please eat some more. I feel like my boobs want to burst!

July 19, 2003

We brought you home today!! Actually I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. I just wanted to get you home and show you your house and your room, and just chill out with Daddy in our usual surroundings. We dressed you in a hot pink dress that had the butterfly from "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" on it. It said "a beautiful butterfly". It was a hot sunny day. I was on edge the whole ride home, because I was afraid we'd get in a car accident. I sat in the back with you, so I could watch you. You slept the whole way home.

Unfortunately, I think I have that darn spinal headache that they thought I might get from the epidural. So I don't feel very well. My head is pounding, and Daddy tries to make me eat, but I really don't feel like it. My boobs are HUGE!! Shai seems pleasantly curious about you, and the cats could care less. I like nursing you in your room in the recliner we got. It is very comfortable. I thought I would be more tired, but I'm too excited. Aunt Katie stopped over to see you too. She's not real keen on babies and looked so uncomfortable holding you, it was hilarious!

July 17, 2003

You are here!! And you are beautiful!! Much different than I expected you to look. I guess I don't really know what I was expecting. You have tons of long brown hair, with hair on the tips of your ears, and a sort of dark complection. You have big eyes, which were wide open and staring at us right after birth. You have cute little bird lips that are always pursed, and your nose has a wide bridge like your Dad's. Of course we had to check out the toes to see if you got Mom's long toe, or Dad's big toe. It's the big toe! No doubt. Here's how everything got started.

At 4:20 in the morning I woke up because I had to pee. I was lying there and all of a sudden there was this big snap/pop sort of like kicking followed by a tidal wave of fluid. I told Daddy that my water had just broke and I needed a towel. He said “a lot” and I said “a lot, a lot”. I got up to go in to the bathroom with the towel and it was soaked through before I got there. I soaked three more towels and then tried to pack while wearing a pad. 4 pads later we were ready to go to the hospital. I had wanted to wait a little longer until the contractions really kicked in, I had started having mild ones right after the water broke, but then I would have missed my fellow night shifters and I really wanted them to be the ones who checked me in. We got to the hospital and everyone was so excited to see me even though they were really busy. 6:30 They checked me and I was 1-2/80%/0, bummer. So I walked the halls. Feeling a little bit like a celebrity because all the doctors and other nurses were so excited to see me there as a patient. My friends in L&D said that I shouldn’t be walking so fast, “we’ll have to send you home” jokingly. My contractions were only every 5-6 minutes or so and not very strong. So I walked and walked and walked. It must have done something though, because 4 hours later I was 3-4 cm. So I walked some more. Still no good contraction pattern. 2.5 hours later I was 4-5cm. I had some good contractions, some wimpy ones, still no pattern. I could only get them to come close together if I walked and that was getting a little tiring and boring. Daddy kept pushing me, “walk faster!”. And the fluid just kept coming. My patients always said that was a gross feeling, but Man is that a gross feeling.

Anyway so I decided to get my epidural. The anesthesiologist and I are just shooting the breeze while he’s placing the epidural, and I’m telling him how another nurse I took care of had problems with hers and how we all said it was because she worked here when he goes “crap.” And I go “what?” He says “I just gave you a wet tap”. Which means that he has gone past the epidural space and gotten spinal fluid. So we redo the epidural, and he tells me that he gives me a 50/50 chance of getting the spinal headache. He was so embarrassed, and I told him it was bound to happen to me of anyone. Oh well, what can you do. The epidural was much more pleasant than I was expecting. I had no problems moving my legs and moving around in bed, but no contraction pain. However it did space my contractions out to every 10min. I was like “start up the Pit!!” Or this will take forever. So they started the pitocin. At 4, my nurse comes in and I get my bladder emptied. And immediately my contractions go from 10 minutes apart to 2-3min apart. 20 minutes later my doctor comes in to say hi, which was perfect timing because in the meantime a bowling ball has all of a sudden started pressing on me. I have never felt a more intense pressure in my life. He checks me and I’m ready to push!! Halleuia!! Outside it is storming and there is thunder and lightning. What a dramatic entrance for you!

I pushed for 30 minutes before you were born, and it was some of the most intense pain I have ever experienced. Someone asked my Daddy if I screamed, and he said “No but there was a lot of whimpering.” Yes wimpering with tears streaming down my face and begging for another contraction so I could get you out. I used a mirror, which was great, but afterward my doctor was so kind as to point out where I tore, where he was going to put stitches etc. TMI!! I said just do whatever you gotta do. The best part, after Dr. Gorsuch delivered your head and shoulders, I was able to reach down and grab you under the arms and pull you the rest of the way out myself! My Grandma thinks that is just the most amazing thing. Then once you were out and I was holding you, the clouds lifted, the rain and thunder stopped, and the sun came out. It was just like a movie!

Your Dad and I were pretty stupid when it came to getting pictures. We didn't even get any pictures in the delivery room. We were just too preoccupied I guess. But here is a picture of us, both looking pretty worn out. You can see how crazy your hair looked before it got washed.

July 13, 2003

I had Daddy take me to the park today so we could get some last pictures of my huge ole belly. I wanted so nice pictures of me pregnant, so I wore my favorite maternity dress. I feel the need to have everything ready and wrapped up because it could be "any day now!" I still think I will go overdue though. Daddy and I plan to go on one more date this Friday. We're going to go out to dinner and to see Pirates of the Caribbean.

At work, Christine did an ultrasound for me to see if we could measure how big you are. The calculations say that right now you are about 7 pounds. Which means if I go all the way to my due date (or more), you'll probably be 8 or 8 1/2 pounds. Yikes!! I feel like you are right between my legs most of the time, and my co-workers think it's hilarious to watch me waddle all around. I get so frustrated with pants!! My work pants won't fit over my belly, but don't stay up when I time them under either, so I feel like I am constantly hiking them up. I have a clot in my leg, so I also have to wear support hose which SUCKS!! I can't even put on regular socks, let alone, those things. Most of the time I sucker one of my co-workers in to helping me put them on. I can't wait to wear regular pants!!