Ain’t No Way Around It: Crappy Things That Happen To All Single Girls Eventually

Next time you’re cursing men, ignoring calls from your mom who will just ask why you’re not out on a date, and brushing off your shoulders while trying to stay positive after another humiliating and/or horrifying experience in the world of dating, just take comfort in knowing you’re not alone. These crappy things happen to just about every single woman at some point. Think we’re lying? Just check this list of stuff all the single ladies go through.

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He seems SO into you and then he doesn’t call

You meet a guy one night, spend the entire night talking, you have his undivided attention, he tells you how happy he is to have met you, maybe takes you to a cute after-hours meal at a diner when the bars close and then…you never hear from him again. Some guys get caught up in the moment of being Casanova, because it is fun in the moment, but the next morning wake up and realize, “Crap! I set up a lot of expectations after a night like that!” and wimp out.

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He has a girlfriend, but doesn’t act like it

The previously mentioned scenario happens and then you find out he had a girlfriend the whole time! Some guys just like attention, plain and simple. And if they’ve been in a relationship for a while, they love to be new and exciting to a different girl for the night. That’s right: you got used.

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Everything seems great, and he stops calling

You’re seeing each other pretty regularly. You’re still not at the point of being boyfriend and girlfriend, but it feels like you’re just there, and then he stops calling. Well, there’s the problem (or at least it was for him)—you were just there, at the point of becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Usually men don’t realize things are going that direction until they’re literally one step away from it. And then they realize that’s not what they want. It’s not a coincidence he dropped out just when things were getting serious. It’s the reason he dropped out.

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He becomes mean when he’s stressed

A guy treats you like a total princess, planning dates with you almost every night, bringing you soup when you’re sick, helping you paint your new apartment and then he turns into a monster. He is short with you when you call. He makes you feel like a nuisance when you ask to see him. And he usually says something like, “I’m really busy with work right now.” There’s a reason that guy’s not in a relationship: he doesn’t know how to balance real life and love. He’s the image of perfection when his life is also the image of perfection, but when one thing stresses him out he takes it all out on the woman in his life.

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He’s the perfect boyfriend for a week

This is just an extended version of the guy who charms you for one night and never calls; he likes seeing himself as a romantic for a little. It’s fun like a newfound hobby. He prides himself on these cute dates he is planning for you, and what a great boyfriend he is being. And then one day he realizes, “Oh no! Now I have to do this forever…!” and backs out.

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He gets multiple digits

It’s a depressing, ego-deflating experience and it happens to any bar-frequenting single gal: you totally hit it off with a guy, give him your number, and see him getting another girl’s number later that evening. It’s just the reality of the, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” mindset.

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He disappears after sex

It’s the oldest trick in the book: a guy acts like he is head over heels for your personality, your intellect, your wit, your soul. And then once he gets you into bed, somehow he forgets about all those other traits of yours that he claimed to like so much. He wants nothing more to do with you.

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He’s into your friend

Face it: guys can be dogs. When they see a really hot girl, are they going to think, “It would be so inappropriate for me to hit on her when I’m already dating her friend. Plus I would potentially sabotage their friendship. Plus what do I really know about her other than she’s just a hot chick? She could be totally dull, meanwhile I already have an established connection with this girl I’m here with”? Of course not! They just think, “HOT CHICK HOT CHICK HOT CHICK!” Your date who you were connecting with might start hitting on your friend. And it will hurt.

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He’s there when it’s convenient

Every single gal eventually gets strung along by the guy who takes days to text back, and suddenly wants to see her at 11 pm when he’s drunk on the weekends — and wants her to drive to him. But he’ll be so sweet and charming and affectionate on those rare occasions they are together that the girl will let herself be trapped in this game for months.

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A nice guy turns sleazy

It may be a guy at a bar, or on a date, or someone you meet online, but you’ll encounter a guy who seems like he’s totally looking for a relationship, who engages you in intimate and deep conversation, who really takes the time to get to know you and then, randomly, will turn the sleaze button on you and treat you like a piece of meat, obsessing over getting you into bed. And you’re just thinking, “Whyyyyy?! You were doing so well! Don’t ruin this!”

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A cute guy turns creepy

After a while in the cold and turbulent world of jerks who never call, or ask for another girl’s number in front of you, or hit on your friend, it can be a nice change of pace to meet a guy who swoons over you. A guy who texts you sweet nothings all day long, and plans picture-perfect dates. It can be such a nice change of pace, that you often don’t realize until it’s too late that this guy has crossed the line from cute to creepy, and wants to move in with you after one month and is totally controlling and says I love you on the fourth date.

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You get used

At some point, a guy you were always really into but who ignored you will suddenly want to see you. He’ll pursue and pursue. He’ll ask you on a date. He’ll take you home. And somehow, perhaps through the grapevine or the fact that he ignores you after sleeping with you, you find out it was all because he just got dumped or fired or in some way needed an ego boost. And you served that purpose.

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He needs to drink to like you

Since singles do spend a lot of time out on the town, your flirtations and chemistry with guys will often be alcohol-induced. But there will be some guys with whom it is completely alcohol induced. There will be a guy who, when he is drunk, is all about you, is talkative, is witty, is confident but during that hour or so before people get drunk, he is shy, stays away from you and pretends not to know you.

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You’re made the surrogate girlfriend

Some guy who is lonely, or getting over a breakup, or doesn’t really want a girlfriend, will turn you into his surrogate girlfriend. He’ll be a friend (who you probably would like to be more than friends with) who asks you to shop at Target with him, who brings you as his plus one to events, who holds your hand walking down the street, and who will never actually cross the line from friend to more than friend with you.

Just remember you ultimately decide. If you know that whether he gets you is decided 100% on whether you find him worthy you will be ahead of the game. Men like women they have to pursue. Any woman they feel isn’t going to be a challenge to bed isn’t one that is going to hold his interest for long. No matter how nice or cute you think you are men won’t see any value in you if you don’t make it known that there are scores of men waiting to step in his place so he better step correct.

So how do you do that? It starts from the very first moment you meet him. #1 Never ever let a man you just met have too much of your time. Whether you meet him in the line at the grocery store or at the club keep your interactions to 10 minutes or less period. #2 never give him your number. Let me repeat that, never give him your number. When he asks for yours flip it and let him know you will take his. That way he’s waiting to hear back from you. He’s the one who’s concerned and worried about whether you are ever going to call. #3 Keep him guessing to keep him interested. Be vague about what you’re doing and with whom. Don’t accept any date that isn’t planned at a minimum 2 days in advance and don’t agree to meet up every time he asks.

All of this is to gauge his level of interest. A man less than fully interested in you will fall by the wayside and those are the ones you want to weed out. Men who are into you will: adjust his schedule to find time to spend with you. Will return your calls and texts in a reasonable time, will take an interest in getting to know who you are, who your people are, and what you’re into. If you are getting anything less than that from the man you are talking to its because he isn’t interested move on.

asdf

Wow, you should write a book. Thanks for the great advice.

trm

Sounds like ‘The Rules’ with the exception of not giving him your number. Good advice!

dolly

Your advice is so right on target. So many of our young ladies are so anxious to find “Mr. Right” that they are willing to overlook all the faults, all the disrespect, or they fool themselves into thinking they can transform “Mr.No Good” into something he is just never gonna be. I personally think its more about having self respect, seeing your self worth, and not comprising your dignity and pride by allowing any man to treat you in any way that does not add to those qualities. At least thats what I’ve tried to teach both my daughters. And I don’t know how many times over the years I have told them “Mr. Right” is out there but if you settle for someone less than you deserve there won’t be any room in your life for him when he does come along. You won’t be available because your tied up with someone who doesn’t deserve you! My daughters are 20 and 22 now and I pray that if they never listened to any other advice I gave them, this stuck somehow. And my greatest wish for both of them is that they find a man like their father. He’s not perfect by any means, but when it comes to loving his family, providing for them and always showing me affection, love and respect, I could not ask for a better husband. He drives me crazy sometimes with some of the little annoying habits we all have, but that’s just petty things that are of no consequence. Even if he were not my husband, I could honestly say he is one of the best men I know.

That is good advice. I think the reason why women who have problems in relationships repeatedly do so is because they get it wrong in the beginning. They settle for men out the gate who were never fully interested in them. If they only pursued relationships with men who were 100% into them they would experience less relationship problems that occur as a result of a man who never really wanted to be there. You gotta screen, screen, screen and believe him the very first time he shows you that he doesn’t care.

L-Boogie

LOL!

OSHH

You just have to be all the wiser out here ladies…read a man’s actions for what they are, believe him when he shows you who he is to you through his actions etcUse discernment and trust your intuition.Ask direct questions i.e. about his intentions. sexual orientation, how many women he is currently sleeping with- all to gauge his reaction and if you feel like he is lying chances are he is.Be wise and be cautious, never being pressed or too vulnerable or available too early.Matter fact if you feeling vulnerable that is not the best time to deal dudes esp new ones that you don’t know.

A surrogate gfbf, is basically someone just kept in the friendzone. Or a friend with benefits you do all or some of the things that couples do, but you’re just “friends” and will probably never get the gfbf title. Sometimes that person is just using you (especially if there’s sex and non friend related things involved), but sometimes that person generally wants to be good friends with you. I often view a “kept woman” as something they would view housewives as back in the 50s. lol