Dead People Planning Budget Protests

The Dead Person’s Association of Ireland (DPAI) are considering taking action against the government, in protest over new measures introduced in Tuesday’s budget.

Budget 2014 announced by the government included measures that ensure that not even dead people were safe from the enforced cuts. Cuts to bereavement grants has outraged a large majority of the dead people in Ireland.

An emergency meeting is taking place tonight in Glasnevin Cemetery where members will be balloted on whether or not they are willing to take action.

Forms

The DPAI have a number of options open to them regarding they types of actions they can take against government ministers.

They may choose to engage in traditional haunting of the minister’s homes – standard late night appearances, distant footsteps and faint whispering. Not too extreme but something that they hope will get the government’s attention.

Other more aggressive forms of protest would include kinetic types of action. Some may go into ministers home’s and crack mirrors, slightly choke them in their sleep and throw household items around the room.

However, reports are emerging that if those forms of action don’t elicit a response, the DPAI are willing to go to extreme measures on officials. They claim they are “willing to go Freddy Krueger on their ass” and begin murdering TDs in their sleep.

This will then allow ministers to get a first hand experience of the type of afterlife they are creating through their latest budget decisions.

The DPAI are hoping that it will not come to this but have warned that they are willing to go all the way to ensure that their members are protected.

The Potato will bring you the results of that ballot as soon as it is known and TDs are advised not to sleep until the decision from the DPAI is known.