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Improv can't plan for funny

Because even if the performers deftly navigate the spur-of-the-moment narrative, ad-libbing their way across the extemporaneous absurd, the sketch would still be funnier with professional writers, reshot scenes and editing.

(To illustrate, re-read the above paragraph. You know why it's so awkward and flat? It was improvized.)

The point: improv is a raw and spontaneous dish that's best served on stage in front of a live audience – still improvizing here – where a feedback loop will maintain some atmospheric heat through the inevitable stretches of lukewarm tedium. (Which is also why this dish is greatly enhanced if served inside a comedy club that has a liquor license.)

So when NBC tags its new prime time improv show "television's most dangerous new comedy challenge," well, that somehow seems appropriate.

On Monday, the guest quartet included Jason Alexander, Jane Lynch, Brian Posehn and Harland Williams – who actually stole the show but, all things considered, won't be charged with grand larceny. Tonight's guests are George Takei, Chelsea Handler, Tom Green and Shannon Elizabeth.

Thank God You're Here is based on an Australian program and was adapted for the North American market by FremantleMedia, the same rascals who now snack on hors d'oeuvres made of cash thanks to American Idol (CTV, Fox, 9 tonight ... Hey, where did I put that Sanjaya voodoo doll?).

So what exactly is the problem? Well, for starters the made-for-TV gimmicks on Thank God You're Here are totally pointless. From The Oath ("I swear I have never seen any of tonight's sets, costumes or props") to The Plastic Trophy to the Backstage Cam to Pollyanna Judge Foley – his treacly comments make Paula Abdul look like Antonin Scalia – it's much ado about nothing. (For the opposite TV improv problem, i.e. crucial gimmicks, see Drew Carey's Green Screen Show.)

Bereft of any secondary hooks, Thank God You're Here relies upon its guests to bring the funny. But since many of these guests have no improv experience, the results are decidedly mixed.

On Monday, Williams did an admirable job with his sketch in which he played a scientist at a meeting for the Global Geographic Society. But Alexander and Lynch mostly stumbled and Posehn, a wonderful character actor when armed with a script, was the proverbial deer in the headlights ... the headlights of an 18-wheeler that ran him down at each and every turn.

Improv, by its very nature, works best when the participants are flying without a net. But here, the ensemble cast (Monday's included Nyima Funk, Maribeth Monroe, Brian Palermo and Chris Tallman) leads the guest on a tightly structured flight plan, something that becomes obvious whenever the guest veers off path but is promptly returned to cruising altitude. (In the Alexander sketch, in which he played a Star Trek-inspired captain, this happened about seven times.)

Another oddity: the jarringly uproarious reaction shots from the studio audience and Foley. I mean, either these people were watching The Office or NBC has developed a top secret aural technology that covertly replaces lame bits with routines from a Chris Rock concert.

The network, which is flirting dangerously with historic rating lows, needs to heal its schedule and stop the bleeding. So you can almost see why a show such as Thank God You're Here would be seen as corporate gauze.

The retro Deal or No Deal is a bona fide hit. And a glance into the future shows that the American networks are turning to the past, pumping alternative-budget money into family friendly comedy, game and quiz shows. (CBS is developing a hybrid game show/sketch comedy to be hosted by Craig Ferguson and an improv/game show for Drew Carey.)

In this age of celebrity worship, Thank God You're Here is then the (il)logical cross between Dancing with the Stars and Whose Line Is It Anyway?

A spectacle in which the wrong people are trying to do the right things.

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