It's de rigueur to hate on Valentine's Day these days, but the countries of Malaysia and Uzbekistan are taking it to a whole new level by either canceling the holiday all together or arresting couples looking to shack up.

Uzbekistan, in a recent push to bring focus to Mohammed Zahiriddin Babur, the 16th century Moghul emperor who was born on the 14th of February, has cancelled all Valentine's Day events, instead replacing them with poetry readings and lectures on the famed conqueror. Not everyone is pleased about the change, particularly the nation's youths who'd rather spend their February 14ths in the throes of romance or, at the very least, rubbing on each other at clubs. Says one student, "It's a shame that instead of going to a concert we'll have to waste a couple of hours at some tedious event the university will put on."

In Malaysia, canceling the holiday was not enough punishment for lusty couples with religious law enforcement setting up sting operations in budget hotels and public parks across Selangor and Kuala Lumpur. The raid, dubbed by authorities as "Mind the Valentine's Day Trap," has already detained nearly 100 Muslims (other religions went unaffected) for being unmarried and alone in close quarters, something that could lead up to two years in jail.

What a couple of cynics, huh? Maybe Uzbekistan's heart got broken by the Soviet Union one too many times. Maybe Peninsular Malaysia forgot to wish Malaysian Borneo a happy Valentine's Day last year and Malaysian Borneo is still mad about it. MAYBE, through a series of Gary Marshall-esque intertwined events, Uzbekistan and Malaysia will end up in love by the end of by the end of the night after realizing, deep down, that they're both just a couple of crazy romantics after all. Let's hope!