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Sunday, March 8, 2015

Sex Worker Feminism In Honour of Intnl Women's Day

At one time I was a staunch radical feminist –
angry at the “patriarchy,” offended by men and their sexual
natures, and victimized by any uninvited sexual attention I received
from them.

Anger can be a powerful feeling for awhile, but it always
ends up turning bad.

I felt terrible all the time. Especially in my
romantic relationships.

I’ve known
many women who were the same. Women who scorn certain female
celebrities because their husbands are fascinated by them. Women who
break up with their boyfriends for surfing porn on the internet.
Women who insist on accompanying their partners everywhere so they
can keep an eye on them.

I used to cry
and yell if I saw my man even glance at another woman - especially if I thought she was more beautiful than me. I would
be filled with insecurity, anger, and jealousy.

Once I found a big
stack of “girlie” magazines under one boyfriend’s bed and threw
them all away when he wasn’t looking. I loathed the women who
displayed themselves to men.

Then I became
a woman who displayed myself to men. Hard up for funds, young, a
small-town girl trying to make it on her own in the big city. It was
easy to rationalize. I already hated men and loved to dance. I’d
skinny-dipped in my hometown, so stripping was the natural next step.

I reasoned that
I could make money off men’s perverted sexual natures. But my
feminist education told me I was the one being exploited in such an
exchange. I felt conflicted by my feminist beliefs – ashamed for
“perpetuating women’s oppression” by going over to the other
side of “bad” women and men.

But did I feel exploited? No. Not at all.

I began to
develop some feminist theories of my own, based on my experience.
When I proposed to expose them in a university setting, my instructor
gave me some great news...these theories had already been around for
awhile, just hardly anyone knew about them.

My world opened up and my shame
dropped away - shed as easily as my clothes were the first time I
stripped.

I found words
and experiences I could identify with. I learned there were feminists
out there whose theories about sex did not lay blame, condemn, and
criticize. I realized the reason my feminist education hadn’t jived
with my sex industry experience was because it was written by women
who’d never found empowerment through sex work – women who’d
never even been sex industry workers.

Women like NinaHartley, on the other hand, reinforced my own perceptions about how
men love all women’s bodies, not just the ones shown in
popular culture. Exotic dancers are flesh and blood which means zits
and cellulite. They have bloated days and bad hair days. They come in
all different shapes and sizes, and yet they are admired equally by
their audiences. Barbie has nothing on this narrow-hipped,
freckle-faced, short girl with small breasts.

Suddenly, I had
permission to enjoy my job. I didn’t have to compete with other
women anymore. And men. Suddenly, I could love men again. It was a
moving and freeing experience.

I began to feel
more confident, more empowered. I hadn’t realized what a burden it
was trying to control the men in my life. Letting go of my anger
allowed me to let go of my anguish as well.

Now I take for
granted that I am a woman and therefore men admire me. Instead of
feeling victimized by men’s attentions or jealous of their
attentions towards other women, I feel joy and understanding. Men
aren’t evil, perverted beings. They are strong, coarse, sexual
beings. Their capacity to see beauty in women’s bodies is a natural
gift, not a perversion. Men are pretty damn great just the way they
are, actually.

Camille Paglia
helped me to discover that I am not an object in men's eyes. I am a
warm, soft, feminine body – not a collection of dead parts. They
might look at any pretty face to be sure (so will I), but it is the
woman showing through that draws them. It is the person within that
will ultimately bring a man to his knees.

Armed with this
knowledge, I realize how my formerly insecure behavior and disgust
for the opposite sex was actually making me feel less attractive. It was
souring my relationships. And it was making me unhappy.

Likewise,
learning to accept and value men just the way they are and embrace
other women regardless of how beautiful they are, has made me feel more
attractive. My friendships with women are stronger, my relationships with men deeper, and
my sense of self truer.

This complete
turnaround in perception changed my life. Still a staunch feminist, I
seek equality through harmony rather than conflict with men and other
women. I feel like this is part of what it means to be a woman – offering
nurturing and unconditional love.

“Girlie”
magazines are now a part of my library, having found I enjoy them
more than the ones targeted towards women. I’ve also found that
pornographic movies are a great way to get your man in the mood even
when he’s hopelessly tired from work. Not surprisingly, my new
attitude has improved my sex life too.

This realization
has also impacted the lives of women who know me. Women who have
embraced my philosophies have thanked me for freeing them from
themselves. They’ve learned to embrace their natural sensuality as
women and value man’s natural response to it.

Feminism like
this unites women rather than polarizes them on one side or the
other. “Bad girls,” like sex industry workers, can be part
of the debate and share their valuable lessons with all women. “Good
girls” can look on other women with camaraderie rather than
competition.

Let's give up the notion that some are “good” and some are “bad.”
We are all doing what we do best to make a life for ourselves.

Let's
respect each others' choices so we can focus on the more important
work of promoting gender equality.

#feminism #empowerment

About the Author

Annie Temple is the stage and writing name of Trina Ricketts. Trina has 17 years experience as a striptease artist and 15 years as a sex worker rights activist, but she's been a rebel all her life. In 2000, she founded NakedTruth.ca to support other entertainers by reducing isolation, educating about health and safety, sharing information about gigs, challenging stereotypes, teaching etiquette to customers, and organizing in-person events for charity and to promote ethical businesses in the industry. Some of the groups and functions that Trina is associated with are Exotic Dancers for Cancer (now BoobaPalooza), The Naked Truth Adult Entertainment Awards, Trade Secrets Guide, BC Coalition of Experiential Communities, Canadian Union of Naked Trades, as well as several community sex worker supportive organizations. Trina is a mom of three, a lover of writing and dancing. Currently she continues to run NakedTruth.ca and recently she founded Digital Activist Media - a project to investigate digital activism strategies and share them with other change-makers. Trina's activism efforts have expanded to include many issues, but her main activities involve sex worker and health freedom rights.