Life circumstances bring trauma to all people. From childhood on, all humans can incur natural disasters, accidents, losses and traumatic events that were not caused by their actions, carelessness, ineptness or unwise behavior, but may have been damaging to them by causing pain or infirmity, for example, natural disasters of earth or structural collapses, floods, fire, car accidents, plane disasters, illnesses or other natural adversities that were uninitiated by the victims of these horrors. During these extreme circumstances, it is always helpful to be aided by qualified experts or others who may have been unharmed observers. Most people in America are extremely generous in offering their expertise in times of trauma. Others, who are not professionally trained to assist trauma sufferers, are often open to be instructed about helping those in need, as guided by knowledgeable experts.

As a therapist who has listened to thousands of individuals and couples over the years, many of my reactions are based on my training of how to help others in reviewing their experiences and facilitating their internal ability to develop self-empathy for their own suffering and learn to quell their fears with simple tools that can help them act as “their own therapist”.

In his books “Becoming Your Own Therapist” and “Make Your Mind an Ocean”, Author Lama Yeshe states, “Buddhist psychology describes six basic emotions that frustrate the human mind, disturbing its peace, making it restless: ignorance, attachment, anger, pride, deluded doubt and distorted views.” He adds, “These are mental attitudes, not external phenomena. Buddhism emphasizes that the root of all suffering, beliefs and faith are not much help: you have to understand their nature…” He adds, “Without checking, no matter how much you talk about your mind and your emotions, you will never really understand that your basic emotion is egocentricity and that this is what’s making you restless.” Further, next time you are emotionally upset, instead of distracting yourself by busily doing something, relax and try to become aware of what you’re doing. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? How am I doing it? What’s the cause?” You will find this to be a wonderful experience. Your main problem is a lack of intensive knowledge, wisdom, awareness, or consciousness. Therefore, you will discover that through understanding, you can easily solve your problems.

In ordinary life, I believe that we need more than “understanding — to solve our problems”. We need to feel loved, understood, affirmed, supported, approved of and respected. To feel secure and open-hearted, we need to treat others fairly and make them feel that they are worthy beings, loved, liked, respected. In acceptance of others’ imperfections, we may feel kinder toward our own faults and may be more motivated to accept, respect and appreciate others as imperfect but loveable and honored beings.

We can remind ourselves and others to:

• Love thyself and model respect for all who are, as you are, imperfect and loveable.