I hate the Red Sox. In fact, if I’m drunk and going to go rambling on angrily about something, odds are it’s the Red Sox, as most bartenders in the South Bay could probably tell you.

I’ve never liked the Red Sox. My parents and the rest of my very large extended family is from New Jersey, and consequently are all (with the exception of one third-cousin-once-removed) Yankee fans. At the risk of being disowned by my dad, the Yankees are my go-to American League team, so naturally I’m not fond of their rivals.

Born and raised in LA, I am a die-hard Dodger fan. Of all sports, of all leagues, of allteams, the Dodgers are my absolute favorite. So you’d think I’d waste my energy hating an NL West team like, say, the Giants. And I did, for a while in college, where half my friends were from Northern California and it was the height of the Barry Bonds steroids scandal.

Side note: Okay, okay, as a Dodger fan these days, I shouldn’t have much to say as far as the steroids thing goes. Personally, after seeing Juan Pierre’s performance after stepping into Manny Ramirez’s position, I think he should have maintained a starting position in the line up and Manny should go home and count his money. My biggest issue with the comparison of Barry Bonds vs. Manny Ramirez is that Manny isn’t the biggest douche in the game. His team likes him, he can actually play his defensive position, and he doesn’t require special chairs in the locker room and all that other shit Bonds did. And aside from his hitting abilities, many of the younger Dodger players have actually learned from him (sort of like Greg Maddux’s primary role last season). I doubt any young Giants players would say the same about Bonds.

This is all besides the point. Back to why I hate Boston.

So I spent a good four years hating on the Giants. Then I moved back to LA. You know, DODGERTOWN or whatever.

I have two major loves-of-my-life: the Dodgers and dive bars. I live in Los Angeles county and cannot, for the life of me, find a fucking bar to watch a Dodger game. Sure, I can go into most bars and have them change the TV to Fox Sports West, but it’s not the same as a bar decked out in Dodger paraphernalia with game-day drink specials catering to an enthusiastic crowd of Los Angelinos.

I must note that I have actually found one, single bar that does most of this and that’s the Short Stop in Echo Park. Their service is pretty shitty if you’re not a regular and on any other day it’s a total hipster bar, but they do have $2 PBR pints on game days, and before the game, the bar fills up with people decked out in all kinds of Dodger gear. Oh, and it’s also literally right next to Dodger Stadium.

On the other hand, I can name four bars off the top of my head, just in my region of LA, that advertise themselves as “Boston” bars. On occasion, I’ve gotten drunk and yelled at the bartender about this, to which they always reply, “Well, the owner’s from Boston.” If Boston’s so fucking great, go back. We don’t want you here. Oh, and learn how to pronounce your fucking R’s.

When Nomar Garciaparra was traded to the Dodgers from the Red Sox (mid-season, just like Manny Ramirez, SUCK IT BOSTON), he was quoted saying, “I finally have the R back in my first name.” I remember an SNL sketch with the Boston teenages (Jimmy Fallon and Rachel Dratch) and Conan O’Brien where they all wore Nomar Garciaparra shirts from his Red Sox days and shouted “NOMAAAAAAAHHHH”. For this, I am actually grateful for Boston.

Even in San Diego, where Petco Park can’t fill a stadium without half the opposing team’s fans and their team is second-worst in the league, they have Padres bars. What the fuck, LA bar owners?

And this may appear to be subjective, anecdotal evidence, but I dare anyone to challenge this: Red Sox fans are fucking annoying (as illustrated in said SNL sketch). However, I find Angels fans (and, well, anyone from Orange County) insufferable and I don’t hate the team. So this alone is not enough for me to swear off an entire baseball team.

So when LA bar owners wake up and realize that they’re located in Los Angeles, shape up and appeal to LA residents, maybe my ire for the Red Sox will subside. Outlook is doubtful though.

Until then, my hard-earned monies will continue going to 30 packs of Tecate as I continue to watch the games from my living room.