How Not To Prepare For Your First Fraternity Date Event

There comes a time in every girl’s life when she receives that blessed text.

“You free September 24th?”

It’s a rite of passage. While our own sorority date events are filled with great times, slightly forgotten memories, and questionable bruises the next day, there’s something special about not having to worry about finding a date and instead being “the chosen one” for a date event and/or your sorority sister needed someone to take her best friend from high school’s brother’s friend from his Econ discussion to a barn dance. It’s basically the same thing. So instead of telling you what you should do, because I mean I still don’t know that, here’s what not to do.

Don’t Go Tanning

You could burn. In fact, you probably will burn since you’ve been cooped up in giant lecture halls and dark fraternity basements for weeks versus drinking strawberitas and reading magazines by the pool. You’ll come get asked “Did you just workout?” because you’ll be THAT red. And in the off chance you don’t burn, there’s skin cancer and other issues that I just shouldn’t be advising.

Don’t Set Alarms on Your Phone Telling You Not To Hook Up With Your Date

It seems simple, if you don’t want to hook up with your date, you won’t. But who knows what drunk you will do! This one might seem a little specific — personal, even — but you’d be surprised how often this occurs. It WILL get awkward if, say he’s getting you a drink and all of the sudden Apple’s Radar blasts through the obscenely loud music. You both are shocked and look down at your phone to see “DON’T MAKE OUT WITH MATT DRUNK” with 12 of the (now water) gun emojis. It could be a weird situation. It also could be tricky if you somehow ignore all of them and by the time you sober up at the end of the night you realized how terribly it all went. Either way both bad. Which brings me to my next point…

Don’t Plan On Getting Too Drunk

This seems like a no-brainer. But something about date events brings out the worst in people. Whether you have to drink an entire fifth in order to leave or know you’re pregaming the unofficial pregame of the official pregame of the date event, remember this date event is a marathon not a sprint. Like I said before, you could end up doing some questionable things. Especially if you’re a freshman, trust me, you don’t know your limits. You could be allergic to hay and end up rolling around in hay at your barn dance with a GDI nicknamed “Circle” for obvious reasons and wake up with a variety of hives very confused. Don’t worry though, your friends will have photos of it. You also might not even make the bus to the event, pissing off your date and ruining the whole point of this article.

Set Limits

Referring to point number two, know if you want to end up with this guy at the end of the night. Make that clear AF when you’re sober in advance of the date event. If you have a boyfriend, but end up on a Valentine’s Day bar crawl with some guy who needed a date while you needed a free shirt and some booze, make that clear. Worse comes to worst, you tell him at the second bar, he purposely dumps his drink on your white converse and abandons you, with you not knowing where the crawl continues. He would be a douchebag, but now your converse are covered in what he calls a “strong island” the official drink of douchebags. But make it clear to avoid potentially (literally and figuratively) sticky situations.

Don’t Overdress

This one requires some thought. I was invited to formal and was told to wear a homecoming dress. Immediately flashbacks of rhinestones, up-dos and tulle came to my mind. Luckily here, I was smart this time. I did some Facebook stalking of this fraternity’s formal from last year and found out I should wear, well, peep my avatar for an idea of the sort of dress I chose because I’m not sure what language to use to describe it other than “Sorry, Mom.” But hey, that’s one instance. Facebook is your best friend here. Just remember, in doubt, tits out for Harambe. #TotalFratMove #SorryAgainMom

Really hope my sage advice can help you out here. As you can tell, I don’t really know what to do, but don’t do these things for reasons above. Also, I’ll let you all know how September 24th goes for me..

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Surprisingly tmarcs to be a lawyer. She has a horrible Chicago-Italian mixed with Midwestern accent. Would never make it in a sorority in the South. Is a liability but is good for the chapter GPA. Tell her how to live a less fraternity, more sorority life at tmarcs.TSM@gmail.com.