Kylie: “Knowing I wasn’t alone ….made all the difference”

I’m Kylie and I’m a 38 year old, married, career devoted Mum of two kids under four. Having suffered depression and anxiety most of my adult life, I thought I was mentally ready for the fact that I’d be super high risk for PNDA. Yet nothing could have prepared me for the feelings that becoming a mother would evoke within me.

I was totally upfront with all my health professionals and after the premature birth (at 33 weeks) of my daughter, I actually managed ok. I did have a break down, mostly surrounding inabilities to breastfeed and guilt over wanting to return to work. I was medicated, and utilised my mental health professionals, returning to work part time. But the biggest influence in my recovery was my introduction to the wonderful Peach Tree community. For me, knowing that I wasn’t alone in how I felt about my journey, made all the difference.
Unfortunately the birth of my son saw me plummeting even further. My mental health deteriorated early during my second pregnancy, to the worst it had ever been. I sunk down to the point I was suicidal and praying I would give birth to my baby before I was due, as I genuinely felt I was failing him and he was better off not inside me. He came early also (at 35 weeks), and my PNDA spiralled out of control. Despite drawing on all the resources I had used previously, my suicidal thoughts took me to lows that I never could have dreamed existed. It if weren’t for my husband and children, and the amazing support of the Peach Tree team, I honestly don’t think I’d be here today.

Fast forward 18 of my darkest ever months, and I finally feel like I am climbing the wall on the other side! I have been medicated, had an inpatient hospital stay and come dangerously close to losing my marriage, career and life. Throughout all this time, I drew strength from the bonds I had formed with Peach Tree ladies, and it was these deep friendships, totally free of judgement, that gave me light during those darkest hours. I cannot thank the founders, volunteers and members at Peach Tree enough, for the depth of the support I was afforded during this most difficult stage of my life. I am finally enjoying my family and children, working part time and building back up my life outside motherhood. Thank you Peach Tree ladies, from the bottom of my heart.😍