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Do You Love Yourself?

Recently I have been on a mission to get comfortable in my skin. It actually started with this blog. Life was throwing me a curveball, and I needed an outlet to feel like I was being heard. The blog has been great, I have always loved writing and I am very comfortable forming my prose behind a screen. The last few months I have pushed myself into real-life situations and it has been a game changer. These situations are all just normal, everyday stuff – but are way outside my comfort zone. Just thinking about it makes my heart race a little bit. First of all, I am not a hermit 🙂 Rather I have created a very predictable environment for the sanity of my family, though I have been using it as an excuse to ignore my existing “issues” and slowly losing myself in the process. I am curious to find out where this journey will take me!

As early on as middle school, I can remember having fairly low self esteem. The concept I have had of myself since age 13 has been very poor. So poor that I have very few photos of myself from the last 15 years. It literally took me five years at a new church to feel like I was supposed to be there, to believe that maybe people actually cared that I was there. That is probably not normal, in fact I hate that I second guess every.single.flipping.thing. Maybe many people suffer from this? I really have no idea, it is not a topic I have often brought up with other women.

As I get older, I have realized the importance of making connections with other people. This realization made me REALLY nervous. By nature, I am not very outgoing-every ounce of talking to new people is usually forced. Social situations make me nervous, I’m always worried I’m not “acting right”.

I have done a lot of socializing in the past few months. A lot. Pushing myself past what is comfortable for me has not been an easy task, in fact putting myself out there for judgement has been by far one of the most excruciating things I have done in a very long time. It took a lot of cramming that little second-guessing voice inside my head into a tiny little corner. In these short few months, I am feeling like a stronger person. I have met several amazing new people. Thank you new friends – whether you know who you are or not, for accepting me for me!

There will always be naysayers, you may not be everyone’s cup of tea, people are always going to find a problem with something that you do. You will not please everyone, it is impossible. Truth be told – if you are being true to yourself, being the best person you can be, living life without any malice in your heart, becoming a better person every single day – then you are doing what is important. Do right by your family, by yourself, by those close to you and for God – that is all that will matter in the end!

Sorry to get so deep! I have felt strongly about sharing my journey lately. I hope you have never struggled with these types of feelings – if you have, I hope you are on your own personal journey to get comfortable in your skin! Earlier I shared that I have taken very few photos of myself in the past 15 years. I have physically forced myself to start taking those ridiculous “selfies” since this July. I used to think of selfies at the ultimate snob fodder, for me they are therapy 🙂 The first picture I took of myself made me so uncomfortable that I could barely look at it. I sent it to my husband and his one-word reply was “beautiful”. To my husband, I am beautiful. To my children, I am beautiful. They do not say it because they have to, they say it because they mean it. That has been a hard pill for me to swallow, after 29 years of hiding myself. So next time you see my selfie – know that I am not stuck on myself, I am simply learning to love myself.

18 thoughts on “Do You Love Yourself?”

I am in tears! God is working through you to empower women to be comfortable how He created them and it’s a beautiful process to watch. We are all created in His image and He does not make junk! Thank you for listening to Him and having the courage to share:)

Thank you dear cousin 🙂 It is so easy to ignore His will sometimes, and even scarier yet to follow it (as you well know!) You have been such an incredible encourager to me, more than you probably know!

I had tears little sister because I am SO happy you are beginning to see what I have seen your whole life: a beautiful, deeply strong and insanely talented person. Anyone would be blessed to have you in their life. I am so grateful that you are my little sister. There are circumstance that have happened in your life that caused you to second guess yourself and your self worth. You never stop amazing me, by battling to not let situations keep you down. Keep taking those photographs, I am glad you are on the journey to learning to love yourself. God created the best sister I could have never dreamed up. Love you!!

Thank you, Mindy. I cannot even tell you how much your undying support means to me. You have always been one of my biggest cheerleaders and are always willing to help me no matter what. I am forever indebted for that 🙂 Love you!!

Dear Rebekah,
Making a conscious decision to step out of your comfort zone, even with your big toe, is courageous and the path to shifting from patterns that may no longer serve to illumination and living in a wholehearted manner. This makes me think of Brene Brown stuff. If you haven’t listened to her you might want to go to TED talks and search for her – pretty amazing stuff – like yours. I came upon your writing through FaceBook post by your cousin Amanda. Thanks for sharing YOU through your blog. Mindy

Thank you so much for stopping by, Mindy – and for so many kind words! It is people like you who are making my journey so incredible. I listened to Brene Brown today on TED. Wow, what an amazing speaker – thank you for recommending her! Have a wonderful day 🙂