kangnampride

Saturn is the silver linings planet, and I will always be kinder to Saturn in that sense, because I have a lot of Saturn influence in my chart. Not such a bad thing, though. People who don’t have a lot of Saturn influence in their charts tend to just coast through life unto death, meaning nothing, doing nothing, being nothing.

It’s not bad to have your mettle tested.

Saturn does three things: tests, gives consolation prizes, and boomerangs back. It is a planet of karma. And when I write that it gives consolation prizes, I don’t mean that these are second-rate or gag gifts. Sometimes — perhaps much of the time — they’re way better than what you thought you wanted. And the boomerang doesn’t always come back to you. Either you catch, or it hits you, or it hits someone else.

My winter break from school is almost over. Wasn’t much of a break, even though I didn’t have to go to classes. My partner is now temporarily disabled, so in mid-November, around the time Saturn started passing over my natal Neptune and chart ruler, I found out, quite suddenly, that in order to make ends meet that month and the next, I had to find another $2000 out of nowhere in four weeks, legally and ethically.

I got the money, legally and ethically. No loans, no family, no gifts. Just hustling and working, on top of trying to finish law school for the semester. Yes, I was exhausted. Yes, I was resentful. I had so many plans for this break — finish my book, redo my website, start another side business, catching up on Game of Thrones — and instead, I was simply trying to keep a roof over our heads, the bills paid, and food on the table. Of course, this is how most of America lives, and I knew there was an end in sight, even if it didn’t feel that way.

And now I feel guilty for taking it easy just before law school. Of course, looking back, I didn’t have the funds to do the things I wanted even if I had the time, so I just chilled and hoped nothing would happen in the future. In my partner is the grasshopper, and I am the ant. Perhaps next semester will be the time to really put something of my own out there. Right now, I work for five different entrepreneurs while trying to find inspiration to do my own thing.

And yes, I am still in law school, but my hopes and dreams are a secret. No one in law school need know what I have up my sleeve, as if they would care.

Outside of law school, I’m a 37 year old woman with experience, insight, and capabilities. In law school, I’m treated like a precocious child. I’m claustrophobic, and there is nowhere to relax at our school. I need my breaks from law school because not being in law school helps me be who I am and remember what is actually important. Yes, law school is important, but it is not fortifying for the soul, and that is what I need to carve out time for, because I am lucky enough to not be K-JD and really know what it is like to have an identity forged from something other than college and law school.

But I learned something. I learned that when called to action, I can do what I have to do to make things happen. I can take on a lot, and when things need to get done, I can do it all by myself. I can also wait if I have to do it. I can do it sober. I can do it from start to finish. I can do it again if I must.

Now, I’m just waiting for the boomerang to come around so I can catch it.

What so many seem to miss about Saturn transits: what you learn, if you try, is what you can do all by yourself, and what bricks it can become and what mortar to you can make to fix them together. No one need remind you that you are powerful if you can prove it.