A Letter To My Preemie Before He Graduates Kindergarten

Friday, May 4, 2018

Life sure is something, isn't it? I look back over the last 6 years of my life and the trials and triumphs that have brought me to this moment and just have to smile. God has really taught me a lot. Six years ago, I didn't know if I would live through my son's birth. If I lived, I didn't know if he would. Today, I share some thoughts with my big, almost 6 year old youngest son as he prepares to graduate Kindergarten and perhaps one day when he reads them, he will understand how deep my love for him truly is.

Sweet love of mine,

In a couple of short weeks, you will graduate kindergarten and begin summer break. It's hard for my mama's heart to believe that you're actually almost 6 years old. However, when you look at me with those dreamy eyes of different shades and flash your dimple, I realize that holding onto you as a baby is about as pointless as believing it to be so.

You're here. You're phenomenal. You're a miracle. You're so very loved. You're everything I ever dreamed you would be as my youngest baby boy, and then some. You amaze everyone around you with your smile, spunk and sweetness.

When you tell me you're going to own a lime green sports car when you turn 16, I catch myself believing your conviction and passion! When you tell me your first job is going to be at an auto garage to learn everything about cars, I believe you. When you tell me you're going to love me until the end of time, I believe that too. It's just who you are. You're honest about how you feel and you wear your heart on your sleeve.

Sometimes, being the youngest can be tough but no one understands that more than me because I was also the youngest! I understand you and I know that sometimes you may feel you get the short of end of the stick, but I promise you that every decision your dad and I make is with you in mind. We think of you all day. We love you every second.

When you were 2, you fell off of the top of a playground structure and landed on the back of your neck. I was alone with you and your brother and it was one of the scariest moments of parenting to date. Seeing your little body in the ambulance with a neck brace, strapped to the stretcher was so scary, but you were just brave.

When you were 3 (or was it 4?), you were attacked by bees and we found out the hard way that you had somewhat of a bee allergy. You charmed the nurses and everyone fell in love with you, even with your face three times it's normal size. Instead of freaking out, you were just brave.

When you jumped off the playground equipment at school and broke your foot, I wasn't sure what I would arrive at school to find. When I got there, you were being cared for so lovingly by your sweet teachers. They prayed for you and even texted me to find out how you were doing after our trip to the hospital.

"for" is really "from"

You sure have given your mom and dad (and grandparents!) a few scares over the years little man. It started with the day you were born and hasn't let up since. You were born at 2 pounds and 15 ounces and you came home from the hospital NICU 18 days later weighing 3 pounds, 10 ounces! It's almost unheard of how quickly they sent you home (and how tiny!). You have literally been a warrior since the moment you were conceived. I can't even begin to imagine the plans God has for you in this life but if I had to guess, I would say that no matter what it is, you're going to be brave. You're already an amazing young boy and you've only just begun.

I guess all I really want to say to you is, I never knew how big my heart could get until you were born. I never knew how full my life could be until you came along. You teach me how to accept and love others unconditionally in a way I only thought I knew how to do before you. You completed our family and for that, I am so grateful. I can't wait to see who you become. I can't wait to be your mom through it all.

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