Video

Not At This Time

I glanced down at my chest, resisting my natural urge to look away. The first needle pierced through the skin at the top of my breast, woven quickly in and out. No blood. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I’d heard people talk about this sensation of “flying” when they do needle play. I wasn’t expecting much.

Two needles criss-crossed over each other, perpendicularly woven through my flesh. Okay, so I wasn’t flying, but this was only two needles.

Rewind to my early days in the scene (maybe two years before this experience) when I would have NEVER wanted to experiment with play piercing of any kind. And that is why the phrase Not at this time is so apt.

Not at this time is something we say in the scene to bring across the concept of “never say never.” One never knows how kink or BDSM will ultimately manifest in the future. Of course it is totally valid to have hard limits – activities you do not want to do or words you don’t want used when you play. It’s wise to share limits, both hard and soft, with your play partners and to keep them updated if these limits shift and change. At the same time, do you ever know, or can you ever really predict what you will find intriguing or hot in six months from now? How about a year? Five?

Being unsure about the unknown, not really knowing much about how an activity is carried out can certainly contribute to fears around some edgier kinks. Knowing more about the how could alleviate some of the fear or discomfort around an activity. Reading up on a topic and talking to people who enjoy it are great ways to learn about the why.

One my favorite books on BDSM is The Ultimate Guide to Kink because each chapter is by a different author talking about specific kinky activities. From bondage to fisting to mind fucking and so much more there are a slew of topics. Will you be turned on by everything? Of course not. I came away from that anthology knowing I didn’t want to try everything within its covers. But to read experiences where people are so passionate about the activity, I was captivated and at the very least I could then appreciate the turn ons.

The needle scene I described at the top of this post is something I tried on two separate occasions. There is a really fun local event in Los Angeles every November called Bizarre Bazaar at Threshold. At this event there are many “taster” booths where folks can sample a variety of kinky activities. Needle play, as I did, wax play, flogging, spanking, a coloring table for Littles, etc. along with exciting vendors, and a low-key atmosphere perfect both for those who just want to see what all the kinky fuss is about and those who have been in the scene for ages to socialize.

Certainly there will be scenarios a person just doesn’t find something kinky appealing ever. That’s also perfectly acceptable. Just remember: Don’t yuck someone’s yum. There is room for everyone to sit at the kinky table. As long as all participants consent to play, are having a blast, and are risk-aware, get on with your kinky selves!

Sexologist Vixenne, Victoria Reuveni, is a Los Angeles-based sexologist who has her doctorate in human sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. She is a bodyworker who does coaching and hands-on sex education with individuals, couples, and groups. Victoria is also a volunteer educator with the Center for Positive Sexuality, speaking to university students and professionals about nonmonogamy, kink & BDSM, and sex work. She is a blogger who does sex toy reviews and writes about various topics in sex, kink, gender, and body image which can be found on her site SexologistVixenne.com.