INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:

mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of
the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The
oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to
your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the
dinner from the oven and enter:

ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave
and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your
oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger
than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of
which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too
large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,
call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want
another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger
family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must
be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,
that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get
thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,
not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

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