All last
night I kept getting emails from people I thought were dead. Some of them
from people who had just fallen by the wayside, but some of them were
from people whose funerals I'd been to.

>hey kfan it's diego what is
>up. long time no hear from, sorry about that, ha ha.
>anyways I just
>wanted
>to see how you were doing, let you
>know i'm fine
>take care, d

was the first one. I emailed him back, saying "What
the hell are you telling me here? You got high and fell into the Connecticut
River one night 5 years ago, and now you're somewhere emailing me?"

>I don't know
>how it works
>just wanted to see how you were
>so what is up

In death, as in life, Diego didn't know shit. I tried
to see if we could at least instant message to get some kind of real conversation
going, but he said that wasn't going to happen.

Sometimes when it's late at night and I'm alone, just
sitting at the computer, I start worrying about every little thing in
the house. Did I leave the stove on. Where is that dripping sound coming
from. I work from home, and all day long, nothing bothers me. There's
kids outside, there's cars going by. Then at night, I don't know what
happens. It's like the quiet changes something inside me, I get lonely.
I guess I don't know what I'm talking about.

After I'd been emailing with Diego for an hour or
so I got an email from Jere. Jere had actually been on the dock with Diego
that night he drowned. Jere dove in right after him, kept on diving for
a half hour, but it wasn't until the next morning that the cops finally
dragged Diego's body out. Jere died a few years later, of a heroin overdose.
It was the same thing with him, he shows up in my inbox like he's never
been gone. Jesus, I said to Jere. I'm also emailing with Diego right now.

>yeah no shit

was his response. I couldn't figure out if he meant
he was surprised too, or like "Of course, what the fuck else would
Diego be doing."

I was telling Diego something about how every night
I worry that maybe there are people in my basement. I get scared that
there could be people down there, and I wouldn't even know it. I picture
them crawling up through the floor. Not dead though, alive, but tunneling
up through the ground. Not to get to me, but to get near me, or something.
He said