So. Ahem. Here’s the thrust of it: you book an appointment with the 3DEA team in a private Eventi suite reserved exclusively for you. Note: V-Day delivery is only guaranteed for appointments held by Monday, Jan. 28th.

You (and your partner, should you choose) will be greeted with champagne, chocolates, a plush robe, and plenty of room to relax.

After you’re given a brief tutorial on the perfect pose, you’ll step into the ShapeShot photo booth – then it’s just a little je vous presente and their pro 3D photographer does the rest.

The resulting 3D image file is sent to New York Toy Collective, where they create an “intimacy-safe” (and dishwasher-safe, apparently) silicone replica, identical right down to the skin tone.