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To everyone who joined these forums at some point, and got discouraged by the negativity and left after a while (or even got literally scared off): I'm sorry.

I wasn't good enough at encouraging people to be kinder, and removing people who refuse to be kind. Encouraging people is hard, and removing people creates conflict, and I hate conflict... so that's why I wasn't better at it.

I was a very, very sensitive teen. The atmosphere of this forum as it is now, if it had existed in 1996, would probably have upset me far more than it would have helped.

I can handle quite a lot of negativity and even abuse now, but that isn't the point. I want to help people. I want to help the people who need it the most, and I want to help people like the 1996 version of me.

I'm still figuring out the best way to do that, but as it is now, these forums are doing more harm than good, and I can't keep running them.

Thank you to the few people who have tried to understand my point of view so far. I really, really appreciate you guys. You are beautiful people.

Everyone else: If after everything I've said so far, you still don't understand my motivations, I think it's unlikely that you will. We're just too different. Maybe someday in the future it might make sense, but until then, there's no point in arguing about it. I don't have the time or the energy for arguing anymore. I will focus my time and energy on people who support me, and those who need help.

-SoulRiser

The forums are mostly read-only and are in a maintenance/testing phase, before being permanently archived. Please use this time to get the contact details of people you'd like to keep in touch with. Send me a message if you'd like to keep in touch with me & Steve.

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Sounds like what i do with my kids sometimes. They are two. Also I care about them

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.Follow me on Twitter!

Anger is illegitimate if it is based of selfishness or impatience. Solving that is them growing up (as contrasted with getting older)

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.Follow me on Twitter!

(07-18-2016 07:16 AM)rainman7852 Wrote: Every time somebody does not behave they throw stuff and they get locked up in a empty room if they do not calm down they will stay in there longer!

As someone with anger issues, i need to be locked up and just scream and stuff to let the anger out. So, it might be helpful for them, even though the method of letting the anger out seems barbaric. Heck, the way they are letting their anger out is. Same with me.

(07-18-2016 07:16 AM)rainman7852 Wrote: Every time somebody does not behave they throw stuff and they get locked up in a empty room if they do not calm down they will stay in there longer!

As someone with anger issues, i need to be locked up and just scream and stuff to let the anger out. So, it might be helpful for them, even though the method of letting the anger out seems barbaric. Heck, the way they are letting their anger out is. Same with me.

The problem is, not everybody is an adequate judge of when that's appropriate. Like, locking somebody up simply as punishment. That's psychological abuse.

Bad behavior is something little kids (who are forgetful) are fully aware of when they are forced to confront it.

My memory of time outs is sharper for illegitimate time-outs, but sitting by yourself away from activity, people, and attention, means its just you and your thoughts. If you just hit your sister, or you stole a toy and daddy made you give it back, the response for which is that you are placed in a safe place isolated for a couple of minutes, are you seriously suggesting that behavior is abusive??

My kids are extremely well behaved and extremely happy. They run to hug me when I come back from work, they wave when I leave, sometimes they cry and throw a fit when I leave, but I am the same one who puts them in their high-chair when they hurt their siblings, or refuse to eat what I made for them (taking a bite is a condition of getting out of time-out sometimes), I also play with them a lot, rough-house and piggy back rides... Does that really sound abusive?

Like I said, my kids are extremely well behaved and I am complimented frequently on this point. If there is a part of them that enjoys hurting their siblings, then good old conditioning and isolation help them realize. I ask them "don't hurt your sister ok?" to which they always settle down and say "ok". I say "are you ready to be a good boy?" and they say "be good boy", and I say "ok buddy" and I pick him up and give him a hug and let him go back to playing. I never see any lingering emotions, they always bounce back in a few seconds.

Seriously Lucky-Feet, how many kids do you have? how old are they? How many times have people just had their hearts melted by how sweet, happy, polite, and well behaved your kids are? They aren't even 3 years old yet...

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.Follow me on Twitter!

I have no kids myself, but I do know that confronting them about bad behavior shouldn't involve force except under the aforementioned extenuating circumstances. This is force we're talking about, not just some time-out. I have no reason to assume anything like that is justified, and neither should you. I've heard of the shit that has happened, and what still happens today, in the areas of punishment gone wrong.
While it's no match for a good lecture, mild punishment is necessary, but the thing is, some people should stay the hell away from the opportunity to administer punishment at all. So few people are a good judge of what is appropriate. Some people don't care. Some people are lazy, and some people are just chomping at the bit.
I have my biases on topics like this, but I don't even know where to start in telling you why. There's some shit that I'm a little too afraid of, but most people aren't afraid of it enough.
I'm not criticizing you as a parent, but I certainly am criticizing you as a critic. You are not questioning something that desperately needs to be questioned. Admittedly I sounded extreme at first, as it's a topic I've yet to sort out completely, but if you knew why I said what I said....

What I intended to imply offhand at first was "I care about them" and they are my kids.

I think its injurious to kids to let strangers teach them proper behavior and punish them accordingly. Especially because in my house I don't let my kids talk about the one in time-out. Kids are a-holes and teachers go along with that crap too much.

Stories like the one here ARE why I dont intend to send my kids to school. I will raise and teach my own kids thank you very much.

Seriously, freaking school.

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.Follow me on Twitter!

Its because I cyber yelled at you first. To be honest i shifted tones in a very misleading way. Rather than be precise though verbose, i just dropped off some vague comments hoping that people in the know would "get it". Then without clarifying or qualifying shifted into my verbose tone. To be honest, it was me being stupid.

I do however worry that people only decide things emotionally sometimes though. Time outs are a psychilogical tool for my purposes intent on forcing reflection. The trick is to be right and just with punishment so that I cannot rightly earn the hatred and disrespect of my kids.

I got called "argumentative" by my parents, especially my dad. When by myself i reflected on these experiences I decided he was a closed minded asshole and that I am right to ask questions. So i hope that any judgment my kids are the target of is rightly earned and punishment deserved. Making everything a conversation is to ensure we are all on the same page. After your time out, we talk about what happened or whats been happening.

Purity is to Believe only that which deserves it.Wisdom is to follow only the Opinion which makes the best use of evidence.Excellence is to be mindful of all these things in Living.Follow me on Twitter!

(07-18-2016 07:16 AM)rainman7852 Wrote: Every time somebody does not behave they throw stuff and they get locked up in a empty room if they do not calm down they will stay in there longer!

What the actual fuck?

I remember in my school SpEd teachers would confront SpEd kids outside of class hours if they weren't "behaving properly" (aka acting like a fucking drone) and tell them to basically go "socialize". This happened to me one time while I was minding my fucking business and I was forced to walk awkwardly in a fucking crowd. Fucking bitch.

But seriously? Lock them in a room? Goes to show you how the system sees these children. They see them as less than human. This bullshit needs to fucking stop.