LONDON — Royal damage control is in full effect! The Royals have learned that Kate Middleton was actually born in 1975!

LONDON — Royal damage control is in full effect! The Royals have learned that Kate Middleton was actually born in 1975!

Today, January 9th, is the Berkshire-born bride-to-be’s birthday. But how old is she???

Even Prince William isn’t sure! According to unofficial records and Kate’s own statements, she was born in 1982 – making her 29 today. But new hospital documents have surfaced and indicate she was actually born in 1975 – making her 36 years old today. Prince Charles is demanding the truth and is waiting to release an official “Birthday Greeting.”

Insiders speculate that Camilla, Princess of Wales, feeling intimidated and overshadowed in light of the pending wedding, is behind the shocking leak.

Sweetheart couple William and Kate should be celebrating and planning their April 29th wedding at Westminster Abbey. Instead, they have been dutifully parading themselves around London hot spots, behaving as youthful and carefree as possible in an effort to convince the public and the rest of the royal family that Kate is who she says she is.

William will be 29 on June 21st. His birth date is very well-documented.

Kate the Younger?

Reporters have been camped out in front of Middleton’s childhood home in Berkshire since Saturday morning.

Kate the Elder?

Late Saturday night, Middleton’s father, who founded the party supplier Party Pieces with his wife, yelled from the second story window of their large tudor house. “Leave the girl alone! She’s innocent!”

Reporters pressed the tipsy father for details. “Innocent of what?” asked an OK! journalist.

The increasingly irate father replied, “She’s still young, not even forty! Plenty of time to give birth to an heir!”

It’s not clear at this point what an age cover-up would mean for Kate. Her future duchess-ness is clearly at stake.