I put my actual weight on my license

As I was driving to get my brand new car looked at already, because I bring out the “check engine” light in every car I own, I had a thought. Well actually there was a whistling noise in my car and I was listening to Vanessa Carlton and I really thought a murder was hiding in my car and just outed himself because he couldn’t resist whistling along to 1000 miles. It was after that when I thought back on something I had said long ago. When I started wanting to work out and get on track I would say I dont give a shit what the scale says, as long as I look good. Well guess what?

I started to give a shit about the weight

Every time I got on the scale, which was a lot, I would audibly groan. It just kept getting higher and higher and higher. Outwardly, I still looked the same (Except my round ass face), my clothes hide it well. But I could not deny that number staring at me. It was disgusting. It was unforgivable. The way I looked combined with that number was too much.

I immediately abandoned my thoughts, like what was I thinking who cares what the scale says??? Everyone cares!! However, I truly didn’t care 6 months ago. I just wanted to be happy with how I looked, so I tried to make that happen. And when I couldn’t make it happen, I resorted to the scale. That bitch. I looked at those numbers with my jaws wide open, just how the hell is this possible?

But you know what? Fuck it.

I have an amazing team of doctors working with me. I have finally reached a point where maybe I’ll start working out again, who knows. What I do know, it’s just a number. Im back to not giving a shit, I look how I look at the end of the day so who gives a shit what the number is.

So today, as I got license plates for my new car, I decided to get a new license also. New Year new me. Just kidding, it didnt expire for like 3 years and my picture was so disgusting I needed a new one immediately. So I tell the lady I also want a new license and shes like yeah but you don’t need one. No, yeah, I dont need one I just want one. Okay, but yours still works. I really hate the picture, I need a new one. You know it can cost up to $25 for a new one. Nancy, I would pay literally one thousand American dollars to never look at this picture ever again, please go get your flashcubes from the back and take the new picture.

So finally she agreed, and she was going through the questions where they ask if my license is suspended or if I need to drugs to function, and then gets to the part where she’s like alright is all the information the same? I was like YEP LETS TAKE THE PICTURE. But then I screamed at her WAIT, can I change the weight? Hers eyes got really big, probably because I shouted at her, and probably because she thought I was going to try to tell her I weighed less than 110 pounds now and she was going to call the police because I very clearly am on the very drugs I told her I wasn’t.

But I was like oh yeah thats really old and I listen to a lot of murder podcasts and what if I disappear but the kidnapper leaves my wallet and the cops are looking for a thin body and never find me because I’m fat now and they looked past me and then I get murdered? A lady has never taken my picture so fast before. She didnt even let me look at it.

But now I have a new license and a new picture, and a new car, and an accurate weight in case I go missing.

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About Me

M a d i s o n S h e l b y

I'm a *whispers* millennial, trying to navigate life with social anxiety, while drinking wine, being sarcastic, and saying cuss words. I love cooking, horror films, and helping people. So, let's help each other through this crazy journey!

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