I recently received an email from journalist Sam Gutierrez who was writing a piece for the Oprah Magazine about dealing with stress by visiting a rage room. She asked to interview me about whether they are helpful or not in relieving stress. Sam very helpfully included a link to a NYTimes article about rage rooms (which I appreciated as I had never heard of rage rooms before). Even though I was new to the concept of rage rooms, I have over two decades of clinical experience helping people develop coping skills to manage stress and anger, so I replied I would be happy to be interviewed and then I quickly read the NYTimes piece!

You can read the whole Oprah Magazine article online by clicking the title above or the image of Sam going at an old printer with a sledgehammer.

Below are the specific paragraphs from the article that I was quoted in so you can see my opinion about rage rooms for stress:

“Truthfully, I was skeptical to give a rage room a shot. Sure, I may have been a psych major and do advocate for going to therapy, but could this really help people feel better? For that answer, I talked to experts Dr. Sarah Allen and Dr. Deborah Offner—who both had their reservations as well.

Allen and Offner agreed that exercise can often help reduce stress by getting rid of pent up energy, boosting endorphin production, and distracting you from whatever the problem might be. “It’s actually not good for us to be in that constant state [of stress], so anything that is going to make us feel less stressed is going to be good for us. And having a safe release of that pent up energy, if that’s in a rage room, I guess that might be helpful for some people,” said Allen. “But pumping out the effects of your stress can only take you so far,” she added, “Stress can be an important signal to us that something is wrong or needs our attention.”

What I learned? Yes, fun activities like heading to a rage room can treat surface symptoms, but our overall stress comes from many underlying factors that can’t be solely addressed by batting at intimate objects. “If this is something where you’re chronically stressed, I really think you need to explore why you’re feeling stressed, or angry, or frustrated, and then look into making changes in your lifestyle, or maybe your relationships, that prevent those feelings or help you problem-solve those feelings,” said Allen. In other words, rage rooms are not a substitute for therapy.

Additionally, Allen pointed out that certain populations like teens or people who have difficulty managing their anger should definitely avoid rage rooms given that hitting, yelling, and throwing things may simply reinforce negative behavior. “You’re training yourself that, if you yell and hit you might feel better, but is that a good life skill? Because then you’re associating anger with aggression, even in that controlled situation, rather than finding solutions to avoid the problems about which you’re angry in the first place,” she noted.”I don’t regret my time at The Wrecking Club, in fact, I seriously enjoyed it. To be in a place where breaking things (including social norms) is not only accepted, but encouraged, was thrilling and something I could see myself doing again. Even if just for a few hours, the experience did distract me from all of my problems. But as both Allen and Offner pointed out, the relief was only temporary. I’m not so sure I’ll be trading in my therapist for a baseball bat any time soon.”

Better Ways To Manage Stress & Anger

The Oprah Magazine Rage Room article is very interesting but as I mentioned in the interview, I don’t think going to a rage room is more than a very temporary way to deal with stress and not for everyone, so I thought it would be a good idea to discuss some strategies here that I think are more useful in managing stress and anger.

Stress and anger have a lot in common because both are emotions that are ramped up by an adrenaline response in our bodies. You have probably heard of the fight or flight response. When we are in a stressful situation our body gears us up for action by pumping adrenaline. Your heart beats fast, your body tenses up, your thoughts race and you have a lot of energy enabling you to run away or fight. The physical effects that adrenaline has within our bodies are the same, but the psychological factors such as the emotions and type of thoughts that are triggered within a situation, are typically labeled by our brain as feelings of stress/anxiety or anger.

There are both in-the-moment and long-term stress management strategies, depending on what you are facing.

Short-term Techniques For When You Are Feeling Very Stressed or Angry

In the short-term, deep breathing and other physically based strategies really help you calm down quickly when you are in the middle of an adrenaline attack. The way to counteract adrenaline is to engage our parasympathetic nervous system by deep breathing or other grounding techniques.

Grounding basically means to bring your focus to what is happening to you physically, either in your body or in your surroundings, instead of being trapped by the thoughts in your mind that are causing you to feel anxious.

Deep breathing triggers the stimulation of the vagus nerve—a nerve running from the base of the brain to the abdomen – which emits a neurotransmitter (acetylcholine) that dampens our nervous system, lowering heart rate, relaxes tense muscles and most importantly, stops your thoughts from racing so you can think straight. My popular post below explains what happens in the brain as well as deep breathing, distraction and ‘get that energy out” strategies to calm you down quickly.

Often we get really stressed about things that have happened in the past, or are so far in the future that they are imagined problems and probably won’t even happen. Once you have calmed down the adrenaline and stopped your thoughts racing, bringing yourself to the present moment and asking yourself if you can personally do anything to address the issue you are worrying about is very helpful.

I talk about this in a lot more depth in the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) strategies section below but in that moment of stress or anxiety ask yourself these 2 questions:

1. Is this something that is happening right here, right now? (Not in the past or in the future).

2. Is it in my control to do something about this problem?

If the issue is actually happening now or in the near future, then it is good to problem-solve what options you have to deal with the problem. I call this “Active Worrying” and you can take steps to fix the problem or even actively decide not to do anything. If it outside of your control, realize you can’t actually do anything and let the worry go. Distraction and acceptance are helpful strategies in that scenario.

Chronic Stress Coping Strategies

When your stressors (which can be either situations or people in your life) are chronic it can really take a toll on your health, your overall mood and your relationships and this is when you need more long-term stress management strategies.

Physical Self-Care

By prioritizing eating healthily (most of the time), increasing physical activity and getting enough sleep, we can really support long term stress management.

When we eat a high sugar or refined carbohydrate diet it can cause blood sugar spikes which in turn can lead to anxiety for some people. If you are tired from not getting enough sleep and then drink lots of caffeine to keep going, you set yourself up for stress. We are also more likely to reach for unhealthy food choices when we eat for comfort. Working on alternative strategies for managing stress, rather than emotional eating, and prioritizing our time so we have time to shop and cook balanced meals are good long-term strategies.

A good night’s sleep helps us think more clearly, be more productive and manage our mood better, especially our reactive emotions. According to the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) the “walking tired” anger more easily, have problematic relationships and are less likely than those who sleep well to exercise, eat healthfully, have sex and engage in fun leisure activities; all because they are too tired.

Increasing physical activity is also a great stress management tool. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should sign up for a gym membership that you might never use. Exercise can be anything that moves your body and is much better for you if you enjoy what you are doing be it a walk, dancing around your bedroom to YouTube videos or stretching before bed. Getting out the adrenaline energy that chronic stress produces helps our body relax and also produces feel-good neurochemicals such as endorphins and serotonin that improve our overall mood.

Emotional Self-Care

One really easy way to cut down on stress and irritation is to cut out the negative and increase the positive in your life. This could mean spending less time with people who drain your energy or cut out activities that affect you negatively, like watching the news before bed or being so connected to your phone or other devices that you constantly have information or demands coming at you.

On the flip side, the easiest and most enjoyable way to manage your stress is to increase the amount of time you spend doing positive activities. Negative emotions sap our energy and it is hard to get the motivation to get going with anything apart from the things that must be done. One of the most important ways to improve your mood is to take the view that life isn’t something to just get through, it is something to enjoy!

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Coping Strategies

Sometimes we are not able to change the situation/person/event that is triggering us, but we can change the way we are thinking about it and the way we respond.
When we are anxious or angry, our thoughts tend to veer to the negative and we are very good at looking for evidence that supports negative thinking, while tuning out information that shows neutral or positive information.

The first step towards change is noticing what you saying to yourself. Our thoughts affect our emotions and then ultimately our behavior.

What we think = how we feel = how we behave.

If you can notice when you are getting triggered, remove yourself physically from the situation (or at least mentally if you can’t actually leave) and then do a breathing technique to calm the adrenaline. When your thoughts aren’t racing as much, you can consider alternate ways of thinking about things.

The Number 1 Question That Helps Reduce Stress & Worrying explains ways to think about what you can control and what you can’t. Are you stressed by something that is happening now in the present, is in the past or has it not actually happened yet? These tips can be read or watched via a YouTube video.

I think it is important to question yourself about what it is specifically about this situation that is making you feel angry or stressed?

How you have tackled similar situations in the past?

Do you keep doing the same unhelpful thing again and again?

Is there a different way you have reacted in the past that has worked better for you or perhaps some advice you would give someone else in a similar situation?

Look to the past to find answers about how you can tackle the situation to problem solve or effect change. Another good questions to ask yourself is “am I kinder in the way I talk to someone else in a similar situation, than I am to myself? Thoughts can also be called ‘self-talk’ and how we speak to ourselves really affects how we feel. Self-talk is so automatic that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it and how hard you are being on yourself.

Lastly, a really powerful way to reduce feelings of chronic stress or anger is to carve out time to recognize all the things you have to be thankful in your life. I suggest to my clients that they write down three things they are grateful for every evening. Knowing you are going to do this helps you pay more attention to the good things that happen as you go through the day. This can be especially helpful if you tend to dwell on the negative as it helps to balance out the way you are thinking about things.

If you would like to schedule an appointment to learn how to reduce stress and anxiety please email me below

Dr. Allen is currently offering remote therapy sessions to residents of Illinois via phone and video. Unfortunately her professional license does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.

Remote Therapy For Difficult Times

How are you holding up? Life has certainly taken an unexpected turn for all of us the past few weeks. The fear and uncertainty around the Covid-19 pandemic and the huge effect it has had on our lives in such a short period of time has caused a lot of fear, stress and uncertainty about what life might look like for the next few weeks or months.

I have talked with many people who have felt that sheltering in place, either alone or with their family, has exacerbated issues such as anxiety, depression and anger that they were already dealing with. Isolation can cause loneliness and overthinking or maybe grieving for events you were expecting to happen but no longer are. For others, such forced togetherness has made old relationship and parenting issues come to the surface again.

How Can Remote Therapy Help?

Although I have never had to help my clients deal with a pandemic before, I do have 25 years of experience helping people develop coping strategies for managing difficult times and through the use of remote therapy (also called teletherapy and is provided by phone or video sessions similar to Skype but HIPAA compliant), I can bring support and counseling to your home, office or other location.

Therapy provides a means of helping you gain a different perspective and insight about what you are experiencing and Cognitive Therapy (CBT) gives you the tools to manage overwhelming emotions.

The important thing at the moment is that you are carving out some time to look after your own mental health. During times of stress, you are more able to deal with your own stress or issues with your family or spouse, if you take time for your own self-care.

Is Remote Therapy Confidential & Private?

Yes! I conduct remote sessions from my home office which is in separate area from the rest of my family so no one can overhear or interrupt our sessions. When we are no longer sheltering in place, I also conduct remote sessions from my Northbrook office.

I use a HIPAA compliant video conferencing platform that can work on wifi or cellular data which means it enables my clients to find a way to talk to me in whatever way they can, whether it is a place in their house where they won’t be disturbed (I don’t mind if the only place you can get a bit of privacy at the moment is in your bathroom or closet!) or they sit in their car in their garage or parking lot or go out for a walk.

Is Remote Therapy Covered By Insurance?

Although there are some variations depending what policy you have, most healthcare insurance plans provide coverage for teletherapy in the same way they cover in-office therapy. I am out of network with all insurance companies and you can read more about my fees and how out of network insurance works, including questions to ask your insurance company before you start therapy on this page Dr. Allen’s Fees and Out of Network Insurance.

Is Remote Therapy As Good As In Office Therapy?

Yes! The American Psychological Association (APA) published an article stating that research demonstrates that psychotherapy delivered via the phone is as effective as the care delivered in person. A review of 13 studies found significant reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression when therapy was provided via telephone (Coughtrey and Pistrang, 2018) and the World Journal of Psychiatry concluded that there is a large evidence base that supports teletherapy being as effective as in office therapy.

How Do Remote Sessions Actually Work?

Head over to my website page all about remote counseling to read the practical information about the video platform and the forms that need to be completed before our first appointment Dr. Sarah Allen Teletherapy page. I have been conducting therapy remotely for many years with clients who live too far away to come to my Northbrook office or for their convenience i.e. someone has a new baby. During the pandemic I am only providing remote sessions until it is safe to meet in person again.

I want you to know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, and I am still here to help!

Dr. Sarah Allen has 25 years of experiencing providing therapy to individuals and couples, adults and teens. If you would like to read more about her areas of specialty and training visit her bio page.

If you have any questions at all, please contact her on the form below or by calling 847 791-7722.

Dr. Allen is currently offering remote therapy sessions to residents of Illinois via phone and video. Unfortunately her professional license does not allow her to give personalized advice via email to people who are not her clients.

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Anxiety

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Testimonials

When I need to refer any of my patients for talk therapy I immediately think of Dr. Allen as she is wonderful at helping people with severe and complex issues really get to the root of their problems. She is very caring and knowledgeable and I have found her extensive experience really helps people to change their lives for the better.

Dr. Teresa PoprawskiPsychiatrist, First Chicago Neuroscience Clinic

When I started seeing Dr. Allen for therapy I felt so overwhelmed and trapped in daily battles with my three children. Thank you so much for all your help. It has really helped me gain a better perspective. I am now a role model for my children and help them worry less about things by teaching them the tools you taught me.

Margaret R.

When I started seeing you for therapy I felt so overwhelmed and trapped in daily battles with my three children. Thank you so much for all your help. It has really helped me gain a better perspective. I am now a role model for my children and help them worry less about things by teaching them the tools you taught me.

Margaret R.

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t a worrier and when my doctor suggested therapy instead of an antidepressant I didn’t think it could really help. I was totally wrong. I don’t spend so much time worrying about the “what ifs” now and concentrate on working on things that are in my control to change in the “here and now” rather than in the past or future. I spend much less time in my head worrying about everything and now have useful strategies to deal with many situations at home and at work. Life is much less stressful and I find myself teaching people I manage at work the strategies Dr. Allen taught me.

Mark B.

Last year I was so crippled by anxiety and panic attacks and I didn’t believe that anything or anyone would be able to help me. Since seeing you my life has changed forever and I am finally turning into the person that I always wanted to be…and the person I never thought I could be. You will be the person I call if I start to feel that way again.