Photo by: Nik Barnabee Jake's attitude: Sometimes I watch the TV,sometimes I lie on top of it. So sue me.

I recently saw a captioned photo of cats (you can guess at which website) where a half dozen kitties were watching a TV with birds on the screen. Ho-hum. How stereotypical. Birds. Sheesh! My Jake's (yes, that's him in the above photo) TV viewing is much more eclectic and unpredictable. This past week he stood, staring intently, watching Spongebob Squarepants argue with Mr. Krab, as if the outcome would determine the fate of the world. Or maybe it had something to do with the herky-jerky visuals, and the scene bouncing back and forth between characters constantly, their toony eyeballs bulging and popping. That was easier to understand than the day he was fascinated by Dr. Phil in a suit & tie, pontificating about ... whatever. Even I was bored. What could a cat see in him? Could he have been wondering, Where's da fur on dat hooman's head??? I was not surprised when Jake got all excited watching a heartburn commercial with cartoonish illustrations of a gassy digestive system. All those bubbles flowing around, making their way down the digestive track to ... well, let's not get into that. TV series-wise, Jake loves The Big Bang Theory intro. Lots of bright, colorful text and images flashing, one after another – perfect for an ADHD cat. It's also a little ironic. A show about geniuses, watched by a cat who is ... well, let's just say he's not the brightest Crayola in the box. But for a couple years now, Jake's very favorite has been cars. He loves news stories where reporters are out on a sidewalk covering a snowstorm, rainstorm, or oh-no-a-hurricane-is-coming story. He's not interested in the reporter, the storm, the well-being of citizens, or whether or not the city is destroyed (as long as at least one store that sells cat food is left standing). He's fascinated by the CARS. The ones zooming by, behind the reporter. It's even more fun when they slip and slide because they're going too fast for the inclement weather (how much do you want to bet the drivers also have a cellphone up to their ear?). Jake doesn't quite understand where they go, once they drive off the edge of the TV screen. I suspect he thinks they drive around behind the TV and re-enter the other side, because when a vehicle drives off the left side of the screen, he turns his head to look at the right side, and the next car zipping along the road, he views with apparent satisfaction. Ahhhh, I figured out where you went, you sneaky, fast-moving box thingy with a hooman in it. Yesterday, he learned that my computer can provide the same visuals. I was watching an episode of Magnum P.I. on Hulu. Oh, shush. Tom Selleck in his prime, wearing those little bitty shorts? We hoomans ... er, humans ... need something to stare at, too, you know. Anyway, Jake came over to see what I was doing, sat on the arm of the sofa, and realized that on the monitor was ... a CAR! It was driving at night in the rain - rain pouring down, headlights slicing through it and zigging and zagging with the road, and then the cherry on the top of the sundae: the car stopped and there was a close-up of the windshield. And the wipers, going back and forth, back and forth ... Jake instantly perked up, his nose inches away from the monitor, looking like he was watching a tennis match, his head following the wipers to the left, to the right, to the left, to the ... You get the picture. The Magnum episode was pretty good. The extra, furry entertainment? Excellent. One day I'll tell you all about Max and her hatred of snow plows. And trucks. And trucks that remind her of snow plows. Life must be so boring for people who have normal pets.

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Writer of horror, sci-fi, other genres. Servant of cats. Multiple cats, who kindly allow me to live here (at least until they figure out how to open Fancy Feast cans themselves). Contact me at: GargoylePhanNB@gmail.com