Snake oil has a long and glorious tradition as a legitimate relief for joint pain.
Google "snake oil" and you'll find the complete story. W.C.Field's film portrayal of a
snake oil salesman in 1936 made the term synonymous with fraudulent products,
supported by pseudoscientific evidence, and accompanied by overblown hype.
Snake oil salesmen are not unique to the field of medicine. They are prevalent
in the wine world as well. In today's column, we take a look-see at some of these
products being foisted off on gullible wine connoisseurs.
Today's topic was prompted by a recent article in the Los Angeles Times espousing
the BevWizard. Patrick Comisky tossed out a few scientific buzzwords and then
quoted several famous sommeliers touting the use of the device.
Did he contact any competent enologists for a scientific explanation for the
efficacy of the BevWizard?? Nope..of course not!! He merely parroted the "explanations" in
the promotional literature that accompany the device. W.C.Fields lives!!
So what the heck is BevWizard (http://www.BevWizard.com)?? It's a small device, containing
"powerful Neodymium magnets", that "encourages" (like a high school cheerleader, perhaps?
"Rah Rah Rah...Go Tannins Go") the hard, small tannins to combine (polymerize) into soft,
large tannins.
The thing also has a small air hole in the neck to promote aeration, "markedly accelerating"
the process. The process is likened to protein fining used to drop tannins from wines.
Fining, a recognized tannin reduction technique, works on the principal of electrical charges.
It has nothing to do with magnetic fields. It's all described by James Clerk Maxwell's
equations, promulgated in 1864.
There IS some scientific fact here. Tannins produce unpleasant bitter (a taste sensation)
and astringent (a tactile sensation) flavors, particularly in young red wines. The dissolved
oxygen in wine polymerizes the low molecular weight tannins into long-length tannins, which
eventually precipitate out, over long times, as sediment, reducing the tannin content of
the wine and making it more pleasurable drinking. But it takes time, years, because the
chemical reaction rates are so slow.
The BevWizard propaganda claims to do this rapidly as the wine pours through its spout,
resulting in a softening of the wine and "allow for the underlying flavors to emerge and
delight the consumer!" Yeah...fer sure!!
The device was invented by Master of Wine and physician Patrick Farrell; two credentials
that hardly inspire confidence in either his chemistry or physics.
As a scientist, the promotional literature is an absolute hoot to read. It bandies about
scientific terms and anecdotal endorsements to weave a sordid tale that is positively,
uproariously amusing.
Checking with some of my chemistry and magnetics friends, they chortle at the thought
that these small magnetic fields could induce chemical reactions in the wine's phenolics.
The fact of the matter is....there is NO SCIENTIFIC BASIS in fact on which the BevWizard
should do its hocus pocus.
However, as a scientist, one is taught to keep an open mind. So....I plunked down my
$30 to check it out. My intention was to do a controlled A/B comparison with several wines,
tasting them blind with my tasting group, do all the appropriate statistical analysis, and
demonstrably show (I assumed) that the device was a fraud, that it had no discernible effect.
As I played around with the BevWizard for several weeks, I and several others in my group,
struggled mightily to detect an effect. Occasionally, we thought we'd catch a flicker of
difference, but when we'd repeat the comparison, it had vanished into thin air. I decided a
formal tasting of the BevWizard would be a colossal waste of time.
So....bottom line...there is no scientific basis why the BevWizard should work. In all my
testing of the device, I could not detect the amazing effects the thing promises. I'm
convinced it's a fraud.
But...wait...it gets more kookie!! Let's look at the Catania Wine Enhancer
(http://www.WineEnhancer.net). This is a device that clips onto your wine glass or you rest
the bottle upon. Their Web Site provides some of the greatest guffaws I've had in quite
some time. And priced at $40-$130, depending on the model, an absolute steal.
The device, which is NOT patented in order not to reveal the "trade secrets", works its
magic by "tapping into natural atmospheric energies". It "collects this natural energy,
amplifies and then broadcasts these life supporting energies in an organized coherence" into
the nearby beverage, be it "wine, coffee, or energized(??) water". Say whot???
But...wait...not only does it claim to "enhance" the wine and soften the tannins, it
is also touted to eliminate red wine headaches and acid reflux!! Furthermore, each one of
these amazing devices "is an individually hand-crafted piece of art". WooHoo!!
The Catania device is based on the orgone energy in the atmosphere. A Google of "orgone"
or its inventor "Wilhelm Reich" makes for some of the most bizarre reading I've found on the
Net. He died in Federal prison in 1957, jailed on contempt charges for refusing to obey an
injunction against selling his quack medical devices.
Ohhh...but we're not done yet. There's the Wine Prism (http://www.WinePrism.com), a glass
(stainless steel is alleged to alter the flavor) straw with aerating holes that "magnify the
wine's characteristics". It allows you to actually watch the air and the wine mixing together
as you imbibe, an orgasamic experience. Only $20. I'm buying!!
Or consider the Wine Sceptre (http://www.MistralImports.com). This is a "surgical" stainless steel
(so as not to affect the flavor of the wine) wand you sequester in your freezer. You then
plunge it into your pre-chilled white wine and pour through the spout (again...with holes to
aerate the wine), eliminating the need for those messy ice-buckets to maintain the wine's
temperature.
A simple back-of-the-envelope calculation indicates my Mom's knitted sock is more effective
at this task than the Wine Sceptre, though obviously not as classy (sorry, Mom! That sock is
sorta ugly). Only $139-$185 in a lacquered hardwood box.
Or $150 will get you the Touchstone VS1 Allergy Scanner, which employs the "principles of
biofeedback and applied kinesiolgy" to predict if the wine is beneficial to you via colored
LED lights. I can hardly wait for the VS2 model.
Or the new Eisch Breathable Wine Glasses, whose "microscopic air-blasted holes" allow the
wine to "breathe" while it's consumed, making the wine "more open and generous". Endorsed by
none other than the famed Robert Parker!!!
So...do I feel like I've been flim-flammed by all these gadgets?? Not in the least. I plan
to splice my BevWizard into the gas line of my ol' Dodge Caravan. It should boost
my gas mileage to 60 mpg, easily recouping the $30 spent.
I've also finalized a design, using the Catania Wine Enhancer, to tap directly into the
orgone energy pervading the atmosphere. It's called a perpetual motion machine. It'll make me
millions. I can abandon my day job. Hail to the end of the tyranny of entropy.
Who knows....I may even order some snake oil from W.C.Fields, apply it to my creaky knees,
and let it propel me to a National Championship in epee this year!!
_____________________________
TomHill, a White Rock resident, transports neutrons and wields an epee in real life.

You tell 'em, Tom. This magnetic wine ager thing has gotten out of control. I still can't believe that someone who could pass the MW exams would turn around and endorse something that doesn't work. You'd think he would have done his own tasting.