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Author
Topic: 99.9% sure I have Acute HIV! (Read 35336 times)

First of all great forum. I will probably be visiting/posting here a great deal in the future after I receive my positive test back. Here is my story:

Approximately 3 weeks ago I had sex with a CSW at a sex club in Germany. The oral sex was unprotected, but the vaginal sex was with a condom. (I THOUGHT!) I thought I was safe using protection, and although I am disgusted at myself for even having sex with a sex worker, I figured that since I used protection I would be safe from HIV.

Well, the worst imaginable scenario happened approximately 7 days after my encounter. I began to experience almost EVERY symptom of acute HIV. I am not exaggerating here or making anything up, my symptoms were TEXTBOOK. Here is a list of the symptoms I have been experiencing:

1)Fever (For the first week I had a fever that went on and off, now it seems to be just chills, I have been shaking badly at times the past few days)

2) Fatigue (I have been sleeping a ton, and feeling generally too weak to do anything)

3)Loss of appetite- At one point I literally wasn't able to eat anything in 3 days, finally tonight I was able to eat some turkey and a can of tuna with a little ice cream

4) Lip sore/blister

5) Sore throat

6) Bruising very easily- I noticed more on my legs tonight and it just seems like they are showing up at random

7) Numbness in my leg- Tonight I couldn't believe it but when I sat down my entire right leg became numb (same feeling as when your foot falls asleep) I did a little reading and yep, it is a symptom as well.

8)Soreness in joints

9)Dry cough

10) Extremely dry mouth, I've been drinking water nonstop.

11)Minor abdoman pain

12)Swollen lymph nodes in the neck

13)Headaches

These symptoms started 7 days after the encounter, and lasted approximately 11 days. Again, they are the EXACT symptoms of acute HIV, in the EXACT time frame that you get them. So again, I am 99.9% sure that I am HIV positive.

The more I think about my encounter, I think that maybe my condom broke. I know there was a little slippage when a part of my shaft was uncovered, but I'm fairly certain my urethra/head was always covered by the condom. However, I pulled out and finished in the condom, however I don't recall seeing the tip of the condom fill up with my ejaculate. Also, the girl was wiping up a spot on the bed after, so maybe the condom was broken and when I came it went on the bed?

I'm very upset at myself for not realizing the condom broke (if it did) and at the CSW for not telling me if it broke. I remember taking the condom off my penis by the tip, and it seemed to be in place although I did not inspect it at all.

Also, I had a fresh blister/cut on my finger from golfing the day before. I did not finger the girl, although maybe my blister touched the used condom.

So thats my story....I can't believe I was the unlucky one, but I guess that is the risk you take even if you try to be safe.

edit: I want to re-iterate that I am still having symptoms and have been feeling very ill. This isn't something I'm just imagining, I have been pretty ill for the past week or so, not really even able to get out of bed for the most part.

As Roddles points out, you would have known in the condom had broken. When condoms fail, they do so catastrophically -- it a design thing. Your test results will undoubtedly be negative.

Symptoms mean nothing when it comes to HIV. The symptoms of acute HIV infection are indistinguishable from many other viral infections. What's more many people have no symtoms whatsoever during seroconversion.

The only things that matter when it comes to diagnosing HIV are risk behaviours and results from test taken at the appropriate time. Since you did not place yourself at risk of HIV infection, you have nothing to be concerned about.

This comment:

I thought I was safe using protection, and although I am disgusted at myself for even having sex with a sex worker, I figured that since I used protection I would be safe from HIV.

is extraordinarily offensive. You may find sex workers disgusting but that didn't stop you sticking your dick in one. Sex workers are people just like everyone else and your attitude is disgraceful. It's what people do, not who they are that matters when it comes to HIV transmission.

There are no "specific" symptoms of acute HIV infection. Fever, rash, headaches, tummy aches and all the others are symptoms associated with a range of medical conditions. Including anxiety as a result of hypochondria.

HIV diagnosis is all about identifying risk behaviours and testing at the appropriate time. You didn't have a risk therefore you will test negative because you don't have HIV.

Am I spelling this out clearly enough for you?

You don't have HIV. Whatever is making you feel ill, you should work with your doctor to determine the cause.

If the condom had broken you would definitely have known it, even drunk. When it breaks it's not some subtle itty bitty little hole. The thing ends up looking like a fringed hula hoop on your penis. Like I said, you'd remember it.

So you had protected intercourse which means you weren't at risk, you got a blow job which is absolutely no risk.

As you've been told your symptoms are something to discuss with your doctor. They just happen to have coincided with all your emotional stuff about having strayed, with a sex worker no less. You're just a dawg like a lot of us here. So you had this thing which is now a part of your personal history. Take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. That's the best thing to do for all concerned.

And as you've been told, check your symptoms out with your doctor. This is NOT and HIV situation. Period.

First of all, don't go dragging things back here from the poz only Forums. It's a practice called "trawling" and it's very disrespectful. That case has nothing to do with yours.

Irrespective of what you may have read in our poz only forums, there has never been a documented case of HIV being transmitted from receptive to insertive partner in this history of the pandemic and you won't be the first.

There are a range of complex reasons for why some people might believe they were infected through oral sex but the cold hard science just doesn't support those claims.

Seriously, matt is right. Stick to this forum. Second my seroconversion looked just like to flu. Aches and pains and fever. But no swollen lymphnodes, no sore throat, no lip sores, etc. It is individual to each person as to what happens. Hell at then end of my seroconversion my appendix exploded...something tells me that one is unique to me and me alone! So all yall top that one!

But the only way to 99.9 - 100% sure is to be tested. Until, then take a chill pill, don't cheat on your girlfriend and tell her you did. Tell her you think that maybe, but not probably you caught something cause from what you have said it isn't HIV.

Yea sacinsc. I have told my gf and we are trying to work things out. She is a truly wonderful woman.

I have vented my fears to her and we are taking every precaution. I will get tested at 6 weeks, 12 weeks and 18 weeks....at this point its just a waiting game. I'm not going to lie its very difficult but forums like this make it a bit easier.

For the past week or so I was trying to come to grips that I was HIV positive, and trying not to have a breakdown and move on with my life. I still think the condom broke and I have contracted it, just because these symptoms are too coincidental, and that they are so numerous.

And sorry about linking a post from another forum, I wasn't aware that was bad etiquette.

I´m in a similar situation as you! If you wanna exchange thoughts (it could help both of us) you can send your mail address to me ( user name: kotzen..)!! i have found that talking with someone has helped my anxiety and fears.. You can also read my situation under posting MY STORY

I think a lot of threads similar to mine are started by different people that are worrying just like I am. However, I feel like my situation is different.

I was TRULY ill and am just getting over the sickness. It was something that came on all at once (7 days after) and is now finally starting to leave a couple weeks after it started. This is how ARS works. My symptoms are EXACTLY the same as symptoms that happen in people with acute HIV.

I realize that many of these symptoms can be caused by any garden variety virus. However, it seems like MUCH too great a coincidence that I get the exact symptoms of acute HIV in the specified time frame directly after my exposure. None of my symptoms are exaggerated (I wish they were), they are real and they are SCARY. If anything I have downplayed the # of symptoms and the intensity of my illness.

Also, there is a significant chance that my condom broke. Like I said, when I finished I remember that I glanced down and I thought it was odd that the tip of the condom didn't fill up with my ejaculate. I also thought it was odd that the girl was wiping up one spot on the bed as I got up to throw away the condom. I now can safely assume that was the spot where my ejaculate landed after it went through the broken condom.

I admit, I am very scared about this situation. However, I am not the type of person that overreacts and imagines situations that don't exist. I am not being irrational like many posts I have seen on a # of forums. In fact, I have not read a single "am I infected" post on any forum where somebody has reported the # of ARS symptoms that I have experienced; in the specific time frame I have experienced. Hence, the majority of those people turn out to be HIV negative. Unfortunately my symptoms are much too great to ignore and this will not be the case with me.

Its extremely extremely scary. Knowing that I almost certainly am HIV+ and just playing the waiting game until I can test positive. I guess its not as bad as being caught by surprise, as I have thought a great deal about my circumstances and it has allowed me to do a great deal of research.

The only way I wouldn't be positive would be if for some odd, crazy, insane coincidence I came down with an illness that was EXACTLY the same symptomatically as ARS; and it lasted the EXACT same time as typical ARS; and as another coincidence it happened EXACTLY after my exposure.

I do appreciate all the advice/comments, and I am not ignoring them. I really wish some of you were correct in your analysis, but in my humble opinion my being ill is 99.9% most likely to me having contracted HIV.

Yes, you can pm me if you want to chat Kotzen; however my symptoms are much more prevalent/directly related to ARS than yours.

Live, EVERY worried person who comes here is certain their circumstances are "different." Despite all of your sherlocking of details you are putting together as clues to substantiate your fears, despite all of that, you had protected intercourse.

We've already told you that when a condom breaks it becomes very evident what has happened. It's not about some teeny weeny little hole at the tip from which your semen would have leaked out. That's urban myth stuff. And as for the wet spot the sex worker was wiping up that could very easily have been from any number of other fluids in the situation.

Your fears and guilt are running the show for you now. You're simply not listening. OK, that's your privilige. I'll just say this very simply again and then you can do whatever you like. You were not at risk. There is no need for testing. If you choose to get tested a test at 13 weeks is sufficient for a reliable result.

As far as your symptoms are concerned that's something to discuss with your doctor. There is absolutely nothing in any way HIV-specific about them. It's just you practicing medicine on yourself without a license.

Test as you wish for your inevitably negative result. Do what you will. We've given the real deal here.

I understand this isn't a counseling/anxiety forum so I won't post any more rants on why I feel I am HIV +. I understand that assessing risk is best done based on looking at the exposure, and to basically completely ignore any symptoms. This is clearly the best way to assess the risk.

Obviously, if I had come here and posted that I had unprotected sex with a CSW (which I now believe happend w/the condom break) and that I was experiencing these symptoms, some people might give more credence to the great # of acute HIV symptoms I was experiencing.

There is a large group of people who claim to have contracted HIV via oral sex, so obviously I cannot completely discount that possibility. Sure, the chances are low, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened to me. Also, I said the condom slipped and part of my penis was exposed during the encounter. As I said earlier, I have not read a single "am I infected" post on any forum where somebody has reported both the severity and the # of ARS symptoms that I have experienced; in the specific time frame I have experienced (from negative ppl, I have read posts from HIV+ individuals that have had similar symptoms)

I am praying every single day and night that you guys are right with your assessment, unfortunately I was "unlucky" and still contracted the disease while practicing safer sex. (I still take full responsibility; I can only blame myself)

I won't post any more rants, but comments are still much appreciated. I will repost my test results in the thread, my first test will be taken later this week.

I do appreciate all the advice/comments, and I am not ignoring them. I really wish some of you were correct in your analysis, but in my humble opinion my being ill is 99.9% most likely to me having contracted HIV.

You are ignoring the comments and advise because you are still not listening to anyone.

If you are 99.9% sure then why are you here and not at your Doctors office talking to him...there is nothing more we can tell you, go and get your test if that's what you want to do..your choice, your money.

Please read the Welcome Thread on how HIV is transmitted..and while you are there please read the posting guide lines, especially paragraph 8 which reads:

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

I don't want this be excessive posting, or make a post against the forum rules, but I spoke with Andy via pm and he told me to make a post in the thread....

I haven't taken the test yet, but I wanted to ask you all few more questions.

Initially when thinking back on the exposure I was unsure if the condom broke. However, after replaying the details in my head I am certain there was a tear in it. I am not saying this because of anxiety, unfortunately it is the truth. I was in denial before and have come to realize it was ripped.

During the exposure I pulled out and ejaculated with the condom my penis. However, there was no cum at the (ripped i believe) tip of the condom, or anywhere on my penis for that matter when I took the condom off. The ejaculate landed on the bed, and even during intercourse I remember thinking something felt wrong but I ignored it and didn't didn't check to see if the condom broke.

So....the condom broke. As you can see in my thread I experienced a great deal of acute HIV symptoms following the encounter. (I was genuinely ill) In fact, I haven't seen a post from an HIV negative individual who has experienced nearly as many symptoms. They finally have mostly subsided 2 weeks after they started (which was 7 days after exposure) Again, I want to point out that I am very much aware symptoms by and large mean nothing in the majority of "am I infected" posts. I do think they are relevant in mine however. My questions are this:

Is there any chance whatsoever that I do not have HIV? Personally I've never read about a situation like mine (condom breakage, LARGE # of symptoms in ARS time frame, being genuinely ill with no other real explanation) where the person turned out to be neg. Basically I'm asking is there any way this was not seroconversion? I understand that during unprotected vaginal sex, the odds of female to male transmission have been numbered anywhere from 1000 to 2000-1, and I wouldn't have even stressed if not for the signs that were too strong/accurate to ignore.

My other question is this. I am struggling very much with what I should do with my future after I test positive. Would you recommend seeing someone immediately (counseling) or is it better to be with family/friends? (I guess this could be an individual thing) Also, do you think its best to receive the test results around my loved ones (gf who already knows about it) or maybe see the positive result by myself?

I have called many HIV hot lines, but unfortunately they haven't been of great assistance. Also, I have read the welcome links and they were fairly helpful, but I'm still looking for advice from the others in the forum..I really appreciate your time.

Well, as convinced as you are about your condom having broken, I am not. But there's really no point in doing a back and forth about that issue. I accept that you think it did.

Even IF the condom broke it would have protected you until that happened, which given this was a single incident even further reduces the likelihood of transmission having occured.

As for your symptoms they are not in any way HIV specific and you should be discussing them with your doctor.

I also am not going to get into a discussion about what to do IF you test positive. Among the thousands who have come to this section of the Forums through the years hardly more than a handful have turned out to be HIV+. I don't have any reason to believe you are going to join that small number, your opinion notwithstanding.

Right now you have some waiting time to get tested. You can make that pass much more quickly by staying productively busy instead of searching the net for more ammo to feed your fears.

Everything other than an HIV test is speculation and you've already done way too much of that. I still expect when you test at 13 weeks you will get a negative result.

Hey guys, I was wondering if anyone could point me in the direction of some counseling for this matter? I'm not really sure where to look and this is getting unbearable for my girlfriend and myself. We have been crying each other to sleep the past week, and I need to talk to someone badly. If anyone has a link I would really appreciate it.

P.s. On a sad note another symptom has arisen. I have been experiencing sharp pain in my penis, and there has been an occasional clear discharge. (A symptom of HIV I have read) Regardless I have been convinced for some time so this is merely more confirmation.

Took a Home Access (FDA approved) Express HIV-1 test about a week ago. Have been scared to call in the results ever since I took it.

Called in today and I immediately knew that when they transferred me to a counselor that it was going to be positive. She confirmed that the test result showed I was infected with HIV-1. I hung up immediately after that.

I Knew I was HIV positive from the moment I came down with the symptoms, I tried to stay in denial but that didn't work.....WHAT NOW?! I'm in shock at the moment and cannot move

I don't know how else to say this, but you are wrong Rod. (regarding the exposure)

I haven't had sexual contact with anyone other than my girlfriend in the last 5 years. I tested negative for HIV 9 months ago. My girlfriend tested negative 2 days ago. (we didn't have sex after my exposure) This was the only sexual contact I had other than with my girlfriend.

I've never done drugs in my life, or been exposed to any "risky" behavior.

At this point it doesn't matter and I'm not here to argue. I was just told I was HIV positive and its the worst day of my life. Yes, it was stupid of me to hang up the phone when the counselor was telling me my results; but I was in shock and angry. I will call back tommorow.

You are not diagnosed with hiv until you have a follow-up ELISA at a clinic, not through Home Access. If your follow-up ELISA is also positive, that has to be confirmed with a positive Western Blot. If you were indeed actually told that you had a positive result (in other words, if you didn't just assume when you got the counselor and hang up before they spoke... counselors also give negative results) then you need to make an appointment with a clinic near you for confirmation testing.

Until such time as you receive confirmation, you should not consider yourself hiv positive.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I "KNOW" I'm not in a position to give any advice here, but please just allow me to say this to him, as a brother, friend, and an educated reader.

Brother, more than a year ago I had the same belief that I would test poz. I know this feeling you're talking about, especially when accompanied with the symptoms you talk about. I felt lost, confused, and every thing was literally black in my eyes.

Ann, Andy, and Rodney kept telling me the same; that symptoms or no symptoms mean NOTHING when it comes to HIV, but only anti-bodies test being done 13 weeks pos potential exposure would settle the issue. I knew that they were saying the truth, but I kept testing and testing and testing, until I tested 5 months post potential exposure "un-protected vaginal intercourse" and the result was NEGATIVE, and still is.

Listen to them, they have helped me before, and they're helping you now, but your fears don't allow you to listen carefully. Matty gave you the deal from the very beginning. I don't want to confirm his opinion simply because I'm not in a position to, but man HE IS RIGHT and you were not at risk.

I'm writing this to you because I've been there, I had this feeling that I could "know" that I've contracted the virus, and the idea just had control of me, and it was the first time in my life to be controlled by an idea. I know where you are coming from and what you feel, but again, whatever the mods or the old users here tell you, just trust them, because they KNOW what they're saying, even if your heart is telling you something different. You're speaking emotions, and they're spaking medical facts!

FYI- this poster has been in another forum with the same story. The Doc there (Dr. Handsfield) said that if he is indeed HIV positive, it is very unlikely that he got it from this exposure. To that end, other people in the STD forum think he is lying, but who knows?

I have read that home access is 99% accurate, but I am going next week to get a follow ELISA. Thanks for your advice.

Another man,

I appreciate the thoughts, unfortunately I have already tested positive via the Home Access test. I don't agree that I was at no risk because having unprotected vaginal sex (the condom broke) is low risk; not no risk.

Vigs,

Please do not call me a lier. I am looking for support, not random posters calling me a lier during the darkest days of my life. I agree with the doctor, it was very unlikely I contracted the virus from my exposure. However, it is not impossible and I am being 100% truthful when I tell you there was absolutely no other way I could have possibly been infected. It is simply not possible. (As I stated a few posts up and at the Dr.'s forum)

If you want I can send you the test results via e-mail if for some sick twisted reason you want to see them. Also, if you could send me a pm with a link of where people have called me liers in the other forum I would appreciate it.

I will post again after I visit the clinic and take my ELISA and Western Blot. Thanks to anyone who has given me encouraging pms through this tough time.

Read our forum posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread and stay out of other people's threads. If I catch either of you in another thread where you're not supposed to be, I'll give you a time out.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

After receiving my Home Access test, I went though a very rough time that I won't go into detail about.

I eventually went to a HIV specialist and he ran blood tests on me. Cd4 (633 w/normal %s), viral load (no detectable load), and HIV (negative). He told me the Home Access must have been a false positive, but to come back in 3 months to test again.

I had the blood work done from my Dr. at 12 weeks. Do I need to test again and what are the chances that HIV antibodies just aren't showing up on the tests yet?

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts