Shaky

I have IBS, or that's what we think it is. It affects every aspect of my life: school, friends, boyfriend, home. I don't eat at parties because I know I'll be in the bathroom all night. Forcing myself to eat is a usual occurrence, but other times the burning fades just enough to eat like a normal person. I'm working through my illness, but the disorders and unhealthy eating habits it inspires are scary and writing is the one way I know how to work through them.

The familiar feeling creeps back into my stomach, burning its way through my belly like my body is furious with me. What did I do to you? Eat? Is that what you're angry about? Well, I can't just not eat. I'm not that kind of girl, I don't want to lose even more weight... At first the doctor thought it was a gastrointestinal virus. Which it may very well have been, if it didn't last for 6 months prior and continued for 3 months after. We ran tests. Humiliating, gross tests that involved me pooping in a box and sending it to a lab - something my dad still won't let me live down. They came back negative, every single test, and they ran every test they knew. But I'm still here, internally combusting. So I don't eat. I look at food, stomach grumbling, but won't touch it. It comes out of my body too quickly, mouth or otherwise, and I get weak again. Once I couldn't stand up without blinding vertigo for a whole month. I didn't choose this. I didn't really plan on having a body that rejected digestion and rid myself of food so quickly that I can't absorb nutrients. But that's what I have. The shakes return, the vision gets blurry, and I sit on my bathroom floor or hide under my covers, trying to calm down the fire in my belly, usually to no avail. My parents don't know how to help, they just look on with pity when I have to run to the restroom within 5 minutes of my first bite of dinner. What's the point of eating when I don't even finish tasting it before it sets my body on fire?

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I really respect you're courage about writting this Down. It was really nicely written and explained. you have a lot of potential as a writer in my opinion. I wish you my best and stay strong! Hope everything works out!

Wow. I am so sorry you have to deal with that, and i sincerely wish you the best! You must be so strong; never give up! It takes courage to write this down and put it up here, but I'm glad you did. It was well written and personal. Hang in there, and God bless you!! :)