Australian Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has admitted that a sex romp organized by him did occur last Thursday in his parliamentary office at Parliament House.

Mr Joyce said it was arranged as a “thank you” to the male benefactors, donors and colleagues, who “have consistently supported me financially and politically, but who expect nothing in return”.

It is believed the women in attendance were staffers from ministerial and member offices. In response to criticism that male bosses should not involve female staff in such activities, Mr Joyce laughed and said the female staff could always look for another job, and that “those who did participate could of course expect high-paying government positions would become open to them.”

Mr Joyce was a vocal opponent of same sex marriage, and used his daughters’ inalienable right to heterosexual marriage as an argument against marriage equality (sic).

He reiterated that he was a “steadfast supporter of traditional marriage”, and that a “secure relationship with a loving husband” is a woman’s ultimate “protection”. However, Mr Joyce’s wife, Natalie, says she feels “deceived and hurt” by what had occured.

Denying that he is a dim-witted bumpkin who has little intelligence and no talent, Mr Joyce said “an apple is an apple and it’s not an orange”.

Like all narcissists and taxpayer-money addicts, this bumbling oaf says the country needs him! No, he is manifestly inept, sadly deluded, and ultimately irrelevant.