*The average American will have about 11 sexual partners in his or her lifetime.

*Women buy 4 out of every 10 condoms sold.

*29% of us are virgins when we marry.

*The average penis size is between five and six inches. (An erect penis.)

*The head of the clitoris has approximately 8,000 nerve endings, the largest concentration in the entire body. The penis has only 4,000.

*75% of men in relationships always have an orgasm with their partner. Only a staggering 28.6% of women can say the same.

*If a guy is tuned in to his level of arousal, he can bring himself close to that point and experience some of the pleasure of an orgasm without fully climaxing, then a second time in the same session actually ejaculate. This does not equate to men having multiple orgasms. (Women get to claim this all to themselves.)

Information and facts are complied from various websites and research.

I want to not just live this life, I want to experience it. I want to live passionately and purposefully!

I am slowly starting to feel a little more like me. I have several ideas bouncing around in my head for new posts, it is a matter of making myself sit down and concentrate long enough to get them out.

I have been fretting about my children being gone for so long this summer. They are growing up so fast. They both have birthdays coming up at the end of the summer. Before I know it my oldest will be getting ready to get his driver's license.

They leave next Monday. I will miss them terribly, but I know they will have fun. The house will feel so big and empty with no one in it but me. I am afraid that I will be so lonely. I plan to keep myself busy with friends, working out, the pool and going out, but that won't keep the thoughts at bay in the dark.

How does the time go so fast? I need to start really thinking about my future. I knew they would grow up and life would change but I always expected to face those changes with the father of my children not by myself. How do I start to carve out a new life for myself? I don't even know where to begin!

Well it has been a little over a month since I went on the cruise with my ex and my children. There were a few moments where things were tense and feelings of inadequacy came up, but over all we had fun.

There were times when I felt like I was never enough! Not good enough, not thin enough, not witty enough, not tolerant enough. Just over all not enough. Like I was forever disappointing him.

What I have to realize is he didn't necessarily "make" me feel this way, this is how I felt. It was my interpretation of the closure to our marriage, but now I find myself struggling to find my swag back. To feel good enough again. I feel stuck!

I am unwilling to let my guard down. I know this is a normal reaction, but I feel like, since I know better I should be able to rise above it. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone lately. I haven't even felt inspired to write. I think I am heading into a funk and I am unsure how to climb out of it.

I am not necessarily sad or unhappy but I do know I am not feeling joy the way I use to. Even in the middle of all my drama over this last year, I still always found the silver lining, I always found my joy.

I don’t forgive people because I am WEAK; I forgive them because I am STRONG enough to know people make mistakes. I have made mistakes in my life. I have let people take advantage of me and I have accepted WAY less then I DESERVE. I have learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can NEVER get back and people who will NEVER be TRULY sorry I will know better next time. I WILL NOT settle for anything less then what I DESERVE!!!

Have you ever had a disagreement, a fight where you lashed out and said things you really didn't mean but in the moment it felt great, and then later you regret it?

Well this is not that moment!

Instead I took the high road and in the moment it felt right. I wanted to be mature. I wanted to show him that you can be honest and tell someone how you feel with out being hurtful. But now, now I feel like I let him off way to easy and I am pissed.

Sometimes I think being who I am can actually hinder me. Having the educational background into the human condition means, sometimes I over think situations. It also means I rationalize out how the other person feels and therefore let them off the hook far easier then they should be.

Parker and I hashed out a "misunderstanding." He lied to me and mislead me. He made promises he never intended to keep, blew me off like I didn't matter and countless other thoughtless transgressions.

Yet, somehow at the end of the conversation he didn't have to take any real responsibility for what he did. I used all the "tools" in the communication tool box. I used "I" statements and said this is how "I" saw it from my perspective and he said he understood and he was sorry.

I told him he had to have known there would be some back lash to the situation given how I was treated. He said of course because that is my "style" meaning I am bold, forward and honest to a fault. I never once said some of the things I wanted to say.

I was proud of myself considering the depth of the betrayal I felt. My words can be like barb wire if that is how I choose to use them, but I try to do right, fight fair. I wanted to attack him as a person and let him know how unflattering those characteristics are and he is SOOOO not as attractive as I once thought, but I chose to refrain.

So the moral is; I took the high road. I was mature and let him off the hook and now I wish I had unleashed some of the venom I was feeling. He said it was difficult to tell me how he felt because he didn't want to hurt me, yet I kept asking him if he didn't feel the same way about me as I did him, I would rather know the truth sooner rather then later. How hard is it to BE HONEST, I mean damn!

I wanted to say: WHAT A COWARD..... Instead I said:

"While my feelings were hurt nothing I said to you was done in a hurtful way. I was honest and told you how I felt but never once did I attack you, your character, or your actions. I simply stated how I felt. That is how honesty is done in a mature way. While there was back lash I NEVER ONCE lash out at you."

GRRRRRRRR.....Sometimes I need to be a little more heartless and fight less fair. I mean my ex cheated on me and he got the 55' big screen tv and all the livingroom furniture because I wanted to be fair.

GI-Joe is an officer for the United States Army. He has a BA in history and is six years younger than me. He is about 6’3 and absolutely adorable. His hair is cut in the standard military crew cut, he dresses very stylish and has warm, heart melting brown eyes. His most redeeming quality; he loves me naked from the moment I walk through the door to right before it is time for me to go.

I have a problem letting go of the need for control, so orgasming with him has been hard to come by. (pun intended) Since we both have dominate personalities we have struggled in the bedroom a little about who is in charge. With my ex I was always the one that had to initiate sex and with GI-Joe he undresses me very sensually, flips me into new positions and takes complete control.

So coming home my insides where all stirred up from all the good reading. I was feeling relaxed and the house was quiet with no children. I slowly undressed as I went up the stairs dropping the cloths where they were. I imagined I was undressing for him and I planned to have more confidence this time.

By the time I hit the third floor my clothing is littering the stairs and my hands were caressing my breasts. The day was hot so the air conditioner is chilling the air. My nipples peak as the cool air hits them and I throw back the covers and slide onto my striped sheets.

I think about the last time I saw him. He was wearing a green polo shirt and it was striped. I think about how maybe, just maybe he put that shirt on before I arrived because he knows how much I like stripes.

As my hands caress my breast I think about how his hips smelled like his soap, his neck smelled of his cologne and I think how great it is that the smells of him lingered on my skin after we part. I think about how perfect his hips are, how they are carved out and dip towards what I wish I could put my hands around this very moment.

I curve my legs and pull myself into more of a fetal position. I rub my palm up and down the fronts and backs of my legs. They are bronzed from the sun but still soft to the touch. A flash of my perfectly manicured toes up by his ears makes a smile cross my face. I like when he is deep inside me and that position makes that easy.

My hand makes its way to my stomach and my own hips. Laying on my side my hip bone can be felt and I enjoy the sharpness of it. Feeling my own hip makes it easier to picture him. Caressing it for a few moments I remember the first time he slipped his fingers inside me. It was far too brief but we are still learning each other’s bodies and what excites the other.

Thinking about having his fingers thrust in and out caused me to thrust my hips forward as if they were meeting his and a moan escapes my lips. My own fingers find their way to that warm moist place. With every thrust I picture; his face, his scent, his fingers.

My skin is now in complete contrast with the elements. The air is cool from the air conditioner and my skin is hot, beading with perspiration. As that final stroke brings on a head thrashing orgasm and my walls are pulsating against my own fingers I think, “Wow, I wish he was here to experience this.”

When I was in Boulder, Colorado I attended the University with the intent of becoming a relationship counselor. The irony is that while I had all the "right tools" to know how to save a marriage, I still could not save my own.

I have a Bachelor’s degree in Interpersonal Communication and I have helped numerous people in their own relationships. I taught them how to fight fair, how to pick battles that matter and how to let the little things go. I even knew about Gottman’s theory on the Four Horseman.

I saw the warning signs. I tried to get him to talk, to admit we were heading down a path that once all four horseman were present, we would not recover. I will share Gottman’s theory with you and I urge you that if you see even one or two of these factors in your marriage, seek help.

The first two Horseman are: criticism and defensiveness.

Criticism: When we complain and criticize our partners we are finding fault, even attacking their character, their behaviors, and point out real or perceived flaws. We do these things to elevate ourselves and our behavior to show why we are more right than they are.

Instead of focusing on the specific behavior(s) that are bothering us we tend to drag out many other issues that have been laid to rest as a way to prove our point. We want to prove that not only were we right then, but how we are justified in the criticism in the here and now.

Criticism is destructive because it devalues our partner as a person and how we see them. It shows a lack of respect in who they are, often bleeding over to what they stand for or believe in.

Women are more likely to rely on this horseman because it is easy to do without realizing it is how we are communicating with our partner. Instead of saying: “I am upset you did not take out the trash.” When this horseman is present we criticize or complain and say something like: “I can’t count on you to do anything.”

Defensiveness: Most people know about body language and even how to read the less than subtle signs, like crossing your arms across your body. This is a defensive stance to “protect” ourselves, an indication of being closed off to what the person is saying.

Adopting a defensive stance in the middle of a conflict may be a natural response, but there are other indicators of being in defense/attack mode. The following are examples of other forms of being on the defense.

Making excuses: Stating external circumstances beyond your control which forced you to behave/act in a certain way. These kinds of excuses may work for a five year old but our partners tend to be less understanding of the: “They made me do it” defense. (This goes hand in hand with the denial of responsibility defense.)

Cross-complaining or disagreeing and then cross-complaining: Meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your own, ignoring what your partner is saying. More often than not we as humans are not practicing active listening but this is ten times truer when in the middle of a conflict. We are only partially listening to what the other person is saying because we are too busy mounting our defense in our head.

Yes-butting: This is where you start off agreeing but end up disagreeing. I was the queen of the yes butting. Every time he came at me with an issue I would agree with him but then I would show how his behavior had led to my actions causing him to react which in turn caused me to react again.

I believe that sometimes having the knowledge I have regarding relationships can be helpful and hurtful. He always argued that I over analyzed situations, read too much into them and was too busy coming up with my defense that I was not actively listening to what he was saying. I was hearing his words, but I was not absorbing them.

In all fairness, he probably had a point, however I also believe I deduced he would never take responsibility for his actions and how they affected me or how they might cause me to react. (See right there justification while taking partial blame.)

Repeating: Lastly the repeat defense. When a person is defensive, he or she often experiences a great deal of tension and has difficulty tuning into what is being said. You are so upset and angry that you not listening to what they are saying. This is a natural normal reaction but you have to find a way to listen and truly hear what your partner is saying.

Take a break from the conflict and return when things have calmed down. Collect your thought and return when you know you can not only listen but you can speak clearly on the issues.

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Copyright 2008, Calliope Jones All rights reserved. No part of this blog, book, poetry, or musings may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means; electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other wise, without written permission from the author, under the pen name of Calliope Jones.