Sunday, January 13, 2008

Algebra is so balanced and logical; or, BSC #76: Stacey's Lie.

First of all this book should totally have been called "Stacey is a Selfish Fucking Cow." Now, I know she's usually selfish and inconsiderate in general, but this book positively revels in her assitude.

To the cover!

Yeah, this kind of thing had nothing to do with my ridiculous expectations of teenage boys. Not at all. (To be fair, I didn't read this way back when, but it is exemplary of romance in the BSC. Just sayin'.) Also, it's another case of the little cover blurb having very little to do with anything. The book is mostly about Miss McGill being an asshat to her alleged best friend, Miss Claudia Kishi. Sure, she's keeping secrets and lying and acting all around shitty to everyone she's ever known, except Mr. Perfect Boyfriend. So, yeah. It should have been "How many people will she hurt?" or something to that effect.

Let me explain. Yep, it's another overly complicated plot in which not much actually happens. And, in some kind of miracle, someone (actually two someones!) in the BSC goes on a vacation and doesn't do a single minute of babysitting!!!!!!!!!! And the BSC takes a week off!!!!! Hooray!!!!!!!! First of all, in a feat bypassing years and buckets of labor laws, Stacey's boy-toy Robert gets a job working on the Fire Island Ferry (I almost wrote "Fairy" because I am terribly, terribly mature. And I still think of Fire Island as almost as gay as P-town.) So, they won't be able so spend any time together over the summer. Sad face. But then, Stacey's dad wants to take her on a two-week vacation, to her destination of choice. So, instead of cashing in and going someplace cool or exciting or different that she might not ever have a chance to see otherwise, she decides to go to Fire Island so she can scam time with her boy. Yep. And her dad lets her invite Claudia, who is wicked psyched about it. So, the trip commences, and she doesn't tell Claud or Dad about Robert being there. Stacey gets up early to walk Robert to work ON THE FIRST FUCKING FERRY OF THE DAY. Then she meets him every time he has a break. And drags poor Claudia along. ("Legend, the legend, the thiiiiird-wheel legend." All book long. Seriously.) And then things get messy with Claud and Stace, especially when Stacey starts cutting her time with Claud short and abandoning her to roll with Robert. Yep. Oh, and then Stacey and Robert, while on a romantic nighttime walk on the beach, run into Mr. McGill and his new paramour while they're on a romantic nighttime beach stroll. And Stacey throws a fit that her dad lied. Because she is a fucking hypocrite. Oh, and Robert dumps her at one point because he wonders when she'll start lying to him like she does to everyone else. Heh. Oh, and because the parents in these books are certifiable, the rest of the BSC (well, minus the junior officers, of course) come out to Fire Island to celebrate the Fourth of July. And they all hate Stacey, too!!! Finally!!! But Stacey and Claudia make up at the end of the book. Boo.

Oh, and there's this uber-lame subplot. Haley Braddock and Vanessa Pike have a huge fucking fight because they both got the same bathing suit. Yawn.

The finer points:

[I also kept singing "Pretty Deep" by Tanya Donelly while reading this book. Look up the lyrics, you'll understand.]

There's this weird thing at the beginning with Stacey's mom making dinner, when she "picked up her favorite knife and started slicing the skin off the chicken." Yum. At least she's wearing a "cream-colored silk shirt and matching slacks [and] a purple-and-gold-striped apron." I can't say I have a favorite knife. I like to be an equal-opportunity cutlery user. Or something.

Here we go: "The next morning I got up, pulled on a pair of blue tights, black canvas walking shorts, a long-sleeved, blue T-shirt, and a pair of black flats. I piled my blonde perm up on top of my head and fastened it with a blue stretchie tie." But wait! After looking out the window, "I ripped the stretchie [Fucking a, ghostwriter, they're scrunchies. Duh.] from my hair and let the curls fall around my shoulders. I took off my clothes [oooooooh!] and changed into my new one-piece shorts dress [WHAT THE FUCK IS A SHORTS DRESS?!?!?!?] with the gold,red and green Aztec-style print. I slipped into a pair of light tan woven flats and I was set to go." Both outfits are giving me the twitches.

Robert the Boyfriend "isn't exactly model-gorgeous like, say, Jason Priestly, but to me his is simply adorable...His smile just finishes me. It makes me melt, completely." Um. Okay. It finishes her, does it? Sounds vaguely dirty to me. Only vaguely. But still.

Damn! She blew her savings on a marble chess set with pieces shaped like Civil War soldiers for her dad's Father's Day gift.

Stacey's dad to Stacey: "How would you like to go buy yourself a pretty summery something to wear to dinner tonight? I'll take you to the Lion's Lair." Tiff, to herself: "Is she his daughter or his mistress?"

[Also, I don't think it's a real place.]

Oh, Stacey. "After an hour or so of looking around, I settled on this super cute flowing pants outfit in a sunflower print against a navy blue background. It had a high waist, cap sleeves, and a scoop neck, and the pants were long and full." It sounds...[gawd, I hate quoting Michael Stupid Kors] very mother-of-the-bride.

While fantasizing about going to Paris, she sees herself wearing "a great red beret with something super stylish." That's specific. She decides to save Europe for later, perhaps her honeymoon with Robert. Yup. She needs help.

Oh, they go to Davis Park on Fire Island. Which, breaking pattern, is a real place.

Some comic relief! "Claudia knows how to personalize a look. She'll combine clothing in a way you might think would be disastrous and instead of disaster she ends up with perfection. [Wow, that sentence is awkward.] For example, today she was wearing a long, black, crocheted vest that fell to her knees over a pair of black shorts and a white blouse with ruffles at the collar and cuffs. Her hair was in two long braids tied with black and white ribbons at the ends. On her feet were black sandals with a thick platform sole and white ribbons which laced around her ankles...The outfit might sound crazy, but it looked great." If I hear that one more time, I might start to believe it. Wait, no I fucking won't. It looks terrible!!!!!

Claud (and her parents) get less than a week's notice about the trip. And no one thinks that's odd.

"Oh, did I say that Jessi is African-American? Well, she is." So, so nonchalant. So classy.

Stacey is just positive that Mal will be a knockout one of these days. I, for one, am not convinced. Also, Stacey is monumentally fucking condescending. In addition to being a bitch. And a liar.

What kind of community center pays two eleven-year-olds to be counselors?

Mmmm, falafel.

Are there really no cars in Davis Park?

OOOOH, DRAMA! Claud finds out that Robert's there on the ferry! Drama on the first fucking day! Woo!

How is an eleven-year-old getting a paycheck? How could they get working papers? The fuck????

Ah, easily "resolved" fights.

Meeting Robert before he has to report to the first ferry [It is entirely too hard not to type "fairy."] "What a great way to start the day!" Ass early. Which is when I get up, and I it's all I can do to make it out the door fully dressed and with all necessary keys.

There's this whole thing about how Mr. McGill is always hanging out with his friend, Mr. Majors. Holy shit, did I want them to be gay for each other.

Claudia winds up spending tons of time by herself working on photography projects and sitting at a pizzeria. Her best friend sucks. Ha ha, mine doesn't!

Claud totally calls her on it! "But it feels as if you're just killing time with me until you can see Robert again. And that's not a great feeling." But bitchy Stacey doesn't change her evil ways.

Ah, early 90s fashion that is clawing its ugly way into the present: "I pulled on a pair of green leggings and a sleeveless denim top. Claudia wore a pair of wild tie-dyed leggings and an over-sized T-shirt she'd designed and silk-screened herself. She'd painted a flock of birds flying diagonally across it." Okay, so maybe it's not entirely trendy now, but it's pretty damned close.

Can teenagers eat at the restaurant in the Casino?

Wow, Robert's crazy about Stacey. And she thought he just like-liked her.

Also, there's a bunch of shit in this book about the technological miracle of the fax machine. I fucking hate faxing. Just set it up so I can email it. Bitches.

"I was there in time to see the boat pull into the dock. Robert spotted me from the upper deck and waved. I waved back. (It was so romantic. I thought about long ago days, and sailors coming home from the sea. I imagined myself as Robert's true love, waiting on the dock to greet him. I could easily picture myself in a long white skirt, with ribbons in my hair.)" So...lame...it...hurts. Also, way to romanticize a situation that didn't always end so happily. Ever heard of a widow's walk, sweetheart?

What kind of adult offers to take a couple of thirteen-year-olds (sans parents) on a romantic evening sail? Asking for trouble.

Mr. McGill is going to a party at Stu Majors's house, and he looks all guilty after talking to "Stu" on the phone. Soooo. Gaaaaaaay.

Hee! I used to love Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.

Haley makes up really violent anti-Vanessa signs. And Mary Anne doesn't stop her. The hell? Then she lets her hang one of the signs on the Pikes' fence.

"I wondered if I was to blame for what happened with Claudia. [YES!] I was only trying to keep her happy by spending time with her. [Spending time thinking about being somewhere else.] It wasn't my fault everything had gone wrong. [Actually, it is.] I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. [Well, it's all okay then, isn't it?] I'd cared about her feelings. That's why I was in this mess to being with." No, hon, you're in this mess because you are a selfish little twat.

When we met Mr. McGill's lady friend, Samantha, my first thought was "Damn, it's a woman."

Good to know that Stace caught the liar gene from Daddy. But he's an adult, and he's your father. He can lie to you all he wants.

So, Claud wants them all to be in this costume parade for the 4th. And she sticks Stacey with the "most ridiculous" costume: "That morning, Claudia had tossed a green dragon costume onto my bed. It was made out of her green jumpsuit. She'd taped triangular green spikes to the back, leading all the way down to a spiky tail made from Claudia's green scarf...blah blah blah." She had a green jumpsuit and didn't make a Dr. Rockzo costume? Criminal. Stacey finds wearing it humiliating. Of course. Heaven forbid she find a sense of humor.

I love when ANYONE in these books shows any common sense. Robert: "I think maybe we've been spending too much time together. We're kind of young, and maybe we should be seeing other people." YES!

Claud's showing (and selling) a bunch of her pix at a little gallery/shop in Davis Park. And all her pix have retarded titles, like "That's the Way The Castle Crumbles." (Oh, they're all of sand castles.)

Why would anyone ever think that Stacey was perfect?

There's a bunch of bullshit make-up talk. "Oh, I'll never fuck you over for a boy again!" "Oh, I overreacted to your being a megabitch!" Hugs! [Obviously, I'm paraphrasing.]

I'm not going to lie [heh], Stacey was always my favorite growing up (she was so damn sophisticated!). But lately I've been reading my way through a box of my old BSC books I retrieved from my mother's attic over Christmas and holy CRAP is she a selfish bitchface! You'd think someone so urbane and sophisticated wouldn't whine about absolutely everything. She never accepts any blame for her own fuck-ups. Raging bitch.

Still, though, her mother let her get her hair PERMED. She was obviously from New York City.

um... the less than 5 hours notice thing... i got 4 or 5 hours notice before going to my friends cabin for a week a few years ago, i was younger than these girls (summer betwaan grs 5 and 6) so less that a week is not really that extream.

Maybe I have something wrong with me; I actually thought Claudia's black and white outfit sounded cute in an eccentric way. However, I attribute her magic get-away-with-insane-outfit powers more to the inherent cuteness of most Japanese teenage girls than to her artistic flair. Anyway, thank you for keeping this up, it's very entertaining! I was a Stacey fan as a child but she does wear a bit tin over time.

Hey everyone, you should check out BSC_snark for when Tiff's not around. You can post Tiff-like snark-fests yourself, or dissect the hilarity of the cover illustrations. Anything that's just not quite right belongs there.

I was thinking of Tanya Donelly too (well, she is my favorite musician), so I love that you mentioned that.I think I had an outfit like Stacey's sunflower one - except it had lace around every edge. I was forced to wear it one Easter, then never wore it again. But the pictures still exist.There is no way on this earth that I would have been allowed to go on that trip with a few days' notice at that age.

Yay! More snark!! I love it. I am also not convinced of Mallory's future beauty [shudder]

Ok, did anyone else notice a profound shift in "AMM"'s style of writing? Remember when Jessi was "black" and Claudia's family was "Japanese"? Then one book you open up to total political correctness. Big sigh.

For some odd reason Stu reminds me of The Trip Man from Dawn's mother's dating days.

"YEDLRE" - Claudia trying to spell YellowTotally off topic, but since you mentioned ridiculous gay references, try going back and watching episodes of Miami Vice. SOOOO GAAAY. Serious. I am thinking of devoting an entire blog to disecting each lame ass episode just to prove to my husband that Crockett and Tubbs were completely getting it on.

Lol, this is where Stacey's relationship with the BSC reeeeally starts to break down. I totally remember the mid-nineties sunflowers-on-a-navy background motif. I can't believe these 13 year olds take their relationships soooo seriously. You are thirteen! Anyway, "yay" you updated. Looking forward to the next one :)

I love that you're back and I love that Jason Priestly is like their Brad Pitt. Claudia's Secret Admirer was compared to Jason Priestly and I didn't figure out who that was until I was allowed to watch 90210 like five years later. I know Fire Island is gay, where is P-town? I will always <3 the BSC and had a soft spot for Stacy being from NY, but Mary Anne was the one after my own heart...(is that how the saying goes?)

Hooray a new post! I think you have started something..I am now going to all second hand book shops I can, trying to complete my BSC collection. This book is the last book I ever bought before I thought must have been too cool for the BSC, *sniff* I was in grade 8 i think. I have been reading some of the BSC Friends Forever ones...I could hear you in my head as I read through the book Everything Changes, it was so lame (especially Kristy)can't wait till you get to that one!

Glad to have you back. I did have a shorts dress in spring 1991. It was a "dressy" one piece romper and the shorts were sort of flared. I wore it with Capezio ballet flats and a scrunchy that matched the romper. Stylin'!

YAY! A new post!I never read this one when I was younger- but I don't think I'm too traumatized about that.I read Mary Anne and Too Many Boys this weekend and Stacey was a stupid bitch in that one too- and yep, it was over a boy.Falafels are so yummy.I miss the show Where in the World is Carmen SanDiago. I was thinking of serching eBay for the computer game.Thank god your back.

V-Word: AZXSK- That thing Robert asked Stacey to do. After she did it, he dumped her.

Thanks, Tiff, for the new post...it certainly made my Monday!! It always pissed me off how Stacey chose Fire Island to go on a two week vacation when she could have gone ANYWHERE! I grew up in a lower middle class family and if my father had said I could go anywhere in the world, I would have chosen Italy or Greece or Hawaii or even Florida over Fire Island. Plus if I was 13 I would not have been all "Oh, I need to see my boyfriend every waking moment!"

"Because there are 17 residential communities within the boundaries of the Fire Island National Seashore, limited driving is permitted by contractors, utilities and a small number of residents to support the maintenance of these communities. Such permits are tightly restricted and regulated."

(taken from http://www.nps.gov/fiis/planyourvisit/oversand-vehicle-operation.htm)

I never read this one (I haven't read hardly ANY of the older ones. I've got only one book from the 100s, and it's a major lame one. It's about Kristy and the Krushers...YUCK!)

In speaking of Major...does anyone else thing that "Stu Majors" kind of sounds like a name that a gay porn-star would use? Something is very suspect with that, imo.....

Shnpsa: Maybe a word that the BSC use as a "bad word" to try to be "sophisticated" i.e. could be "shit". Or I think it could be Claudia, with a mouth full of 16 marshmallows, 2 Milky Ways, 5 Doritios, and a Twinkie, saying "Shut the fuck up, Stacy!"

i totally have 'everything changes'!!! kristy was a total bitch who still expected everyone to do the club full time when they were all 'getting real with themselves' and finally figuring out they had no time for the bsc anymore. i remember kristy being all sad cuz the club basically broke up at the end (sorry for the spoiler) and she was like 'waaaaaaah we cant be bffs anymore cuz all we had in common was this club! what will we talk about?' and i was like 'come on ho, get a life'. lol ;)

yay, a new update! Happy birthday to me! (even though you updated on the 13th and I'm reading this on the 15th while my actual birthday was the 14th.) I never read this one back in the day.

I too had what I think could be considered a "shorts dress" in 7th grade ('94-'95). It was black with little red strawberries and some tiny white accents all over it. It would've looked like a regular dress but the bottom split into shorts. I wore it with these dangly stawberry earrings (or should I say "from my ears dangled two bright red strawberries"?) and pulled my hair up into a bun and wrapped a scrunchie around it that was black with strawberries all over it. And I wore these big clunky off-white semi-dressy sneakers with it, either over tights or with no socks. yeah. Claudia would've been proud.

And I'm convinced Ann M. Martin and her ghosties really wanted to write about teenagers, but had to gear it towards ten year olds. So they are all really fifteen/seventeen. Which makes a bit more sense.

I am so sure they used this plot on Gene Simmons Family Jewels (yeah, I used to read BSC while listening to Kiss. Now I laugh at BSC while listening to Kiss.) Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen it, Sophie, Gene's 13 year old daughter (these 13 year olds) talked Gene into a family skiing trip because her boyfriend was going to be there. Except Gene then found out and chased them on skis. But he can't ski and ended up on his back in the snow. I don't know what happened next cause that was the last episode our tv here showed.

Mr McGill must've been pretty clueless. I mean 13 year old daughter - trip anywhere, and she chooses a gay hangout virtually in her backyard?? Was he just being really thankful he didn't have to shell out for a trip to Paris. I wonder if Samantha and Mr Majors where pissed they didn't get to go to Paris.

Auncxjiz = a really bad pimple breakout after too much of Claudia's junkfood.

Per Wikipedia: Davis Park has approximately 550 homes, one general store, one restaurant and one bar. There are no roads and no cars. There is a Town of Brookhaven public marina, a (seasonally) lifeguarded section of beach and public restrooms and showers.

I too had a short dress in the early 90s. Never read this one... this came out well after I stopped reading them. Love the blog though you get all the info. Hey we had another summer does that mean the group will be repeating 8th grade again?

Oh, hey, I hope you'll review some of the Friends Forever series too. My favourite moment in a F.F. book: Mary Anne works up the nerve to tell off Cokie Mason for being a bitch at a party, and another partygoer calls out 'You go, Mary Anne!'Since they have more middle-school drama and less childcare, they're even more delicious. The angsty California Diaries are also good for a giggle.I have favourite knives too! I think most people who enjoy cooking do. That really reliable one that is super-easy to handle accurately and cuts cleanly and neatly. You know the one.I've just remembered that I had a shorts-dress too! And it had sunflowers on it! I loved that damn thing, it was so incredibly comfortable.

Kait- The ghostwriters probably didn't add that bit in because JUST MAYBE, for once in their meaningless, fictitious lives, Claudia and/or Stacey wore something weird that actually looked stupid on them. *gasp!*

nvabuxjr- the name of the rich bitch who goes to Stoneybrook Day School. nvabuxjr-> Neva Bux Jr.->Never Bucks Jr., like they don't ever give people money...? Anyone? Yes? No?

c. I HONESTLY thought I was the only grown woman (and I use that term loosely) and was so obsessed. Thank you.

d. LABOR LAWS. Maybe Stonybrook is like an Indian reservation... they live outside the laws somehow.

e. I'm 24 years old and my parents don't trust me as much as all the adults in Stonybrook trust Jessi and Mallory... who are 11. And yet they still complain (as is pointed out in EVERY BOOK) that their parents "treat them like babies". Please recall that in Super Special #4, Island Adventure, Jessi's parents leave her ALONE FOR THE WEEKEND with Becca and Squirt. And she mentions - exasperatedly! - that it's not the first time.

f. Stacey being such a bitch to Claud because of a boyfriend in this book is serious foreshadowing to the JEREMY drama that ultimately ruins their friendship.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Baby-sitters_ClubPretty interesting stuff.I'm going to come clean- I was OBSESSED with the BSC when I was younger. For some reason, I can't remember any of the stories now that I try to. Maybe I read them so fast that my brain didn't have time to absorb the craptasicness? Everytime a new book was published I nearly peed my pants in excitement. When the movie was released I thougt I was going to have a heart attack. I saw the first showing of after school. I cried when I read the book where Dawn moved away for good.Anyway- this blog actually makes me want to read all the books that were released AFTER I stopped reading them. WTF? Is that even normal? Nope- didnt' think so.Also, has anybody read the BSC Graphic Novels?

I read the one when Dawn was babysitting and something scary happened. I can't remember the name of the book, but she had on a blue sweater on the cover. I read more Sweet VAlley High Books. :) But I'll come back soon this is cool!!! or...Totally Awesome!! (lol)

Mr. McGill gay? That would have been interesting. Didn't Jessi's aunt also have a friend named Mr. Majors. Think it's the same guy? Stacey must be going through a 70s phase in this book. The sunflower outfit sounds so 70s to me.

Also, I remember being really nervous when I was reading about the part where Stacy and Claudia are eating dinner, but Stacy is meeting Robert later. And I think Claudia ordered lobster? Which is really gourmet for a 13 year old.

I haven't looked through all the comments, so I may be repeating, but it should be said that the Fire Island Ferries seem to be above child labour laws, somehow. As one who grew up three blocks away from the Sayville port (and of course THRILLED that ANM was writing about Patchogue & FI) I had many a friend who was somehow working on the ferries or on the beach at Fire Island when they wouldn't have been able to work anywhere else.

Also, the no car thing is pretty much true as well. There are a handful but the really do use those little red wagons.

Fire Island is the gayest thing to happen in America ever since gay came to Gaytown. What freaking 13 year old boy would get a job taking gay men out there? And Stacey's pops was totally getting it on with Mr. Majors. I'm sorry, the only people who go to Fire Island on dates are men....with other men. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, but I'm a straight chick and if a man offered to take me out on a date to Fire Island, I would turn around and run the hell away.

Anyway, I love this blog. It makes me laugh until I have freakin tears streaming down my face!

So, Claud wants them all to be in this costume parade for the 4th. And she sticks Stacey with the "most ridiculous" costume: "That morning, Claudia had tossed a green dragon costume onto my bed. It was made out of her green jumpsuit. She'd taped triangular green spikes to the back, leading all the way down to a spiky tail made from Claudia's green scarf...blah blah blah." She had a green jumpsuit and didn't make a Dr. Rockzo costume? Criminal. Stacey finds wearing it humiliating. Of course. Heaven forbid she find a sense of humor.