AUSTIN, TX—After staring at over 47 different types of cereal in his family's cupboard for over an hour, local boy Hayden Kaylor loudly declared that there was nothing to eat in the house.

"Ugh, I'm starving, and we don't have anything at all," said the boy gazing at dozens of cereal brands, a veritable cornucopia of food choices. "Why don't we ever have anything to eat?" He also mumbled something about the Hendersons always having "all the good cereal" while they didn't have any kinds that he liked.

His mom gently pointed out that he could grab a bowl, a spoon, and any of the myriad cereal types they owned. She also suggested that if he didn't want cereal, he was welcome to learn how to cook and prepare a meal using the hundreds of ingredients in the fridge and pantry.

"Meh," he said. "I don't like any of those things. And you want me to work to have food to eat? When did this place turn into a totalitarian regime? Yeesh!"

At publishing time, the boy was thinking about how hungry he was while he was grounded in his room.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!