Ianto Jones and Jack Harkness - Quotes

1. Season

Everything Chances

JACK: "And this is Ianto Jones, Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time."
IANTO: "I try my best."
JACK: "And he looks good in a suit."
IANTO: "Careful, that's harassment, sir." (Yeah, sure, and you don´t mind at all.)

JACK: "You hid a Cyberman within Torchwood?! And you didn't tell us? What else are you keeping from us?"
IANTO: "Like you care. I clear up your shit. No questions asked and that's the way you like it. When did you last ask me anything about my life?" (Oh, that hurt, Jack.)

IANTO: "I'm ... not giving up on her. I love her. Can you understand that, Jack? Haven't you ever loved anyone?"
JACK: "You need to figure out whose side you're on here. Because if you don't know ... you're not going to make it out of this alive."

IANTO: "You're worse than anything locked up down there! One day, I'll have the
chance to save you ... and I'll watch you suffer and die."
(It will be worse. You will make Jack fall in love with you and watch you suffer and die. Talking about revenge.)

IANTO: "I have nothing left to lose."
JACK: "There is always something left to lose."

IANTO: "Get off me!"

JACK: "You hid yourself from us." (Or is it me?)

JACK: "If she´s still alive you´ll execute her."
IANTO: "No way."

JACK: "The girl you loved is gone. Your loyalty is to us now."
IANTO: "You can´t order me to do that."
JACK: "You execute her or I´ll execute you both."
IANTO: "I won´t do it. You can´t make me. You like to think you´re a hero, but you´re the biggest monster of all."
JACK: "I´m giving you 10 minutes, then we´re coming in."

GWEN: "You would never have shot him. Not really."
JACK: "Wouldn´t I?" (NO!)

GWEN to JACK: "All that deception because he couldn´t bear to live without her. So have you ever loved anyone that much?" (Well...wait and see...)

Ianto and Jack behave too emotional to be only workmates and I asked myself more than once: Are they already doing it? Are they already dreaming about doing it at the least?

Small Worlds

JACK: "You shouldn´t be here."
IANTO: "Neither should you." (Hit!)

TOSHIKO: "This is the youngest girl. And the girl's cousin."
IANTO: "I blame it on magic mushrooms."
JACK: "What you do in private is none of our business." (Only yours, right?)

Countrycide

IANTO: "Don´t you ever wonder how long you can survive before you either go mad or get killed or lose a loved one?"

Greeks Bearing Gifts

IANTO: I can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. The pain´s so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt.

JACK: "Thanks for doing this."
IANTO: "Part of my job, sir."
JACK: "No, I should be doing it, but ... One day, we're going to run out of space ..."
IANTO: "If you're interested ... I've still got that stopwatch."
JACK: "So?"
IANTO: "Well, think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch."
JACK: "Oh, yeah. I can think of a few."
IANTO: "There's quite a list."
JACK: "I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in ten."
IANTO: "That's ten minutes ..." He starts the stopwatch. "... and counting. Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?"
JACK: "Good question."
IANTO: "She had quite a few deaths in the end."
JACK: "I don't know. Death by Torchwood."
IANTO: "I'll put a lock on the door, just in case she goes walking again."
JACK: "Nah, no chance of that. The resurrection days are over, thank God."
IANTO: "Oh, I wouldn't be too sure. That's the thing about gloves, sir. They come in pairs."

Random Shoes

JACK: "I got work to do." (Mmh, yeah, like doing Ianto.)

Out of Time

DIANE: "How did it do that?"
IANTO: "It's automatic. It knows you're there."
DIANE: "But how?"
IANTO: "There are wave bouncing detectors which emit radio waves and then look for reflections ..."
DIANE: "Bananas!"
IANTO: "Of course, bananas are far more interesting."
JOHN: "Look at all this! We'd just come off rationing in '53."
IANTO: "Yes, sorry, we are a consumer society."

IANTO: "You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa."
OWEN: "Don't compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy."
IANTO: "I'm much more than that. Jack needs me."
OWEN: "In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part-time shag, maybe." (Oh, that hurt, Ianto.)

End of Days

IANTO: "And I heard but did not understand and I said, 'Master, what
is the End of all these things?' And he said, 'Go, Daniel, for the things are
closed up and sealed until the end of time.' Daniel 12, verse 10."
GWEN: "Sounds a bit close for comfort."
OWEN: "This machine's on the blink. Keeps losing power. Sorry, don't let me stop your portents of doom. Or have you finished?"
IANTO: "No. Plenty more where that came from. Abbadon, the Great Devourer, who'll lead the world into shadow."
JACK: "Yeah, thanks, Ianto, I can do without the superstition. You people love any story that denies the randomness of existence."
IANTO: "Thanks. That makes me feel better."

GWEN: "I'll have to tell his family."
IANTO: "We'll deal with it."
GWEN: "The way you dealt with that porter the first time I met you? No, you won't deal with him, Ianto."

JACK: "You're in charge, Owen? You've gotta have significantly bigger balls."
Jack stands up. Owen shoots him in the head. Gwen screams. Jack falls backward, his eyes wide open as he hits the floor with a thud. Owen fires several more times at Jack.
OWEN: "I'm sick of people doubting me."
Ianto falls to his knees at Jack’s side.
IANTO: "What have you done?"

2. Season

GWEN: "Okay, Tosh. Can you add that to the species database? Ianto?"
IANTO: "Hello."
GWEN: "Sorry. Um, can you deal with the body when it's cold?"
IANTO: "My pleasure. And I shall be making sushi."
GWEN: "No, the morgue'll do fine. Thank you."

JACK: "I found my doctor."
OWEN: "Did he fix you?"
JACK: "What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection."
IANTO: "Are you going back to him?"
JACK: "I came back for you."

JACK: "Oh, yeah! Loving that office-y feel! I always get excited in these places. To me, they're exotic. Office romances ... photocopying your butt ... well, maybe not your butt, although as we're here, why don’t we ..."
IANTO: "The rift was active at these coordinates approximately two hundred feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof."
JACK: "How are you, Ianto?"
IANTO: "All the better for having you back, sir ..."
JACK: "Can we maybe drop the sir, now? While I was away, I was thinking ... maybe we could, you know, when this is all done ... dinner? A movie?"
IANTO: "Are you asking me out on a date?"
JACK: "Interested?"
IANTO: "Well ... as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself."
JACK: "Looks like we're gonna have to go through every drawer, bin and plant pot."
IANTO: "Right. Okay. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting overexcited, and you take the roof. You're good on roofs." - "Jack? Why are we helping him?"
JACK: "He's a reminder of my past. I want him gone." - "By the way ... was that a yes?"
IANTO: "Yes! Yes."
Jack smiles.

Sleeper

IANTO: "Just us and this room for as long as it takes? Terrifying."
JACK: "Really?"
IANTO: "Absolutely. Shivers down my spine."
JACK: "You don't look scared."
IANTO: "Oh, it ... passed."
Jack growls with disappointment.

JACK: "It's just a mind probe."
IANTO: "Remember what happened last time you used it?"
JACK: "That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure."
IANTO: "Oh, right, their heads must explode all the time."

BETH: "Your bedside manner's rubbish."
GWEN: "You should see his manners in bed, they're atrocious. Apparently. So I've heard."
IANTO: "Oh, they are. I remember this one ..."
Jack clears his throat loudly.

IANTO: "They know more about this place than I do. Nobody knows more than I do."

GWEN: "Why would anyone want to kill him?"
IANTO: "He's also the city co-ordinator. Takes charge of the city in case of major emergencies. Has all the security protocols."
OWEN: "Well, how do you know that?"
IANTO: "I know everything. And it says so on the bottom of the screen."

TOSHIKO: "Please tell me you can stop this."
JACK: "Going as fast as we can. If we don't, we won't feel a thing. We're at the center of the blast radius."
TOSHIKO: "That's comforting."
JACK: "Come on! Have a little faith! With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?"
IANTO: "He is dashing, you have to give him that."
OWEN: "And what if they can't stop it?"
TOSHIKO: "They'll stop it."
OWEN: "Yeah, but if they can't?"
IANTO: "Then it's all over."
OWEN: "Let's all have sex."
IANTO: "And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse."

Gwen and Ianto look at an old slide of Gerald and Harriet standing in the hub under the
TORCHWOOD sign.
GWEN: "He's a bit of all right."
IANTO: "He's the boss."
GWEN: "Nothing changes."
IANTO: "She's all right, too. Harriet Derbyshire."
GWEN: "I wonder what happened to her."
IANTO: "She died the year after that was taken. Twenty-six years old."
GWEN: "So young."
IANTO: "They all were. Nothing changes." (Oh my God, is this foreshadowing) - "Where are you going?"
GWEN: "St. Teilo's Hospital. And bloody cheer up, will you?"

JACK: "This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918."
IANTO: "In his own time. Would you go back to yours? If you could?"
JACK: "Why, would you miss me?"
IANTO: "Yep."
JACK: "I left home a long time ago. I don't really know where I really belong. Maybe
that doesn't matter anymore."
IANTO: "I – don’t you get lonely."
JACK: "Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd
see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world."
Ianto moves in and they kiss passionately.

Meat

RHYS: "Well, if you stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there, instead of showing off round the place --"
JACK: "(to Ianto) Do I show off?"
IANTO: "Just a bit." (Hilarious!)

RHYS: "You'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy. So rather than cock things up, I found you a way to get in! But if you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it!"
JACK: "This is quite homoerotic."

IANTO: "Rhys, should we arm him?"
JACK: "Hell, no. He´s hot-headed enough."
IANTO: "Like stags, but in antlers, I half expected you to get out the measuring tape."
JACK: "Who do you reckon would win?" (scene was cut out - what a pity, one of the hottest moments ever.)

TOSHIKO: "So, after we've stun-gunned the workers, we put the creature out of its misery."
JACK: "No. We're going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the rift to open, and phoom, send it back."
IANTO: "Guess who'll have to look after it in the meantime."

JACK: "So, do you think you could get me one of those red caps for personal use? I’m thinking Ianto might look good in it."
MARTHA: "You want uniforms, get your own."

Ianto is walking past just as Owen fires. The pulse hits the machinery at the workstation in the far corner, barely missing Ianto. He yells, tossing up whatever he was carrying on his tray.
IANTO: "Aagh!"
Ianto looks at the machinery behind him. He turns and glares at Owen.
OWEN: "Uh, haven't quite got the calibration right yet."
Jack and Gwen start laughing.
Ianto steps up to the platform, tugs his suit down and addresses Jack.
IANTO: "Jack."
JACK: "Mmm."

IANTO: "You okay?"
OWEN: "What do you think? I bet you're loving this, aren't you? It's like you've finally won."
IANTO: "I didn't realize we were in competition."
OWEN: "Oh, come on! Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to. And now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack and I'm stuck here making the coffee."
IANTO: "It's not like that. Me and Jack."
OWEN: "Yeah, yeah ... You and Jack. Gwen's getting married. Martha's got her bloke. God, even Tosh had Tommy. This is really shit!"
IANTO: "We've all gone through shit. I've seen you dissect alien corpses. I've seen you save so many lives. Are you really going to let this beat you?"

OWEN: "We've been monitoring Parker for ages. There's nothing to be scared of is there?"
IANTO: "Unlike, say, Tintin?"
OWEN: "Okay! I never liked Tintin. What? He's weird. He’s got a funny face and his hair is just – he’s horrible."
IANTO: "I always loved Tintin."
OWEN: "Yeah, well you would. And he never had a girlfriend did he, just the dog. Yeah, so I reckon he was actually shagging the dog."

Ianto looks through the wedding dresses on the rack. He removes one and holds it up against himself as he looks at his reflection in the mirror.
SHOP ASSISTANT: "Can I help you?"
IANTO: "Yeah, I'm looking for a wedding dress for a friend."
SHOP ASSISTANT: "Of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised, we're quite used to men buying for their ... 'friends'."

Jack flips through the booklet with dresses in it. He sees one he likes.
JACK: "No, I like that one. Good choice."
IANTO: "I estimated Gwen's size from the hub security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor. He could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold."
JACK: "Ah, the family eye. Remind me to test it some time."
IANTO: "Well, if ... uh ... later on ..."
OWEN: "Jack."
IANTO: "Yeah, brilliant, like that one."

OWEN: "Listen, you two, you'd better start trusting me, okay? I've been working on it, and I reckon I've got it sussed. Besides, with that Nostrovite around, we really don't have too many options."
IANTO: "He's got a point."
JACK: "What is it with you? Ever since Owen died, all you ever do is agree with him."
IANTO: "I was brought up never to speak ill of the dead, even if they still do most of the talking for themselves."

OWEN: "How much further?"
IANTO: "A few minutes."
JACK: "What I don’t understand is, if people are going to make such a big deal about getting married, why come all the way out into the middle of nowhere, where no one can find you, to do it? That, to me, suggests inner conflict."
IANTO: "It's because the happy couple want everything to be perfect."
OWEN: An alien egg in your belly and its mother coming to rip you open. Yeah, perfect ..."

GWEN: "What will you do while I'm gone?"
JACK: "Ooh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto ... save the world a couple of times."

IANTO: "That's what I love about Torchwood. By day you're chasing the scum of the universe. Come midnight, you're the Wedding Fairy."

From Out of the Rain

JACK: "Where's Ianto? He would know."
TOSHIKO: "He's gone to the cinema with Gwen and Owen -- some kind of opening night he wanted to check out. The building's got a record of rift activity, but it's been quiet for years so ..."

JACK: "Ianto, with me, I need your local knowledge."
GWEN: "Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?

JACK: "Come back with me. I´ve got somewhere nice and big where you can fly around."
IANTO: "Okay, so you let Myfanwy in but not me?"
JACK: "I need a guard dog."
IANTO: "I could be that. Like a receptionist? Building maintenance? Food and drink? Dry cleaning even? That coat of yours must take a battering. Like a butler, I could be a butler."
JACK: "We don´t need a butler."
IANTO: "Excuse me. Dried egg on your collar."
JACK: "It was a busy week."

Exit Wounds

IANTO: "Put Jack on right now."
JOHN: "Eye Candy! That was so masterful, so bossy, so basically powerless." (Sorry, Ianto, but he´s so right.)

IANTO: "Don´t want to be the harbinger of doom."

IANTO: "You did what?"
GWEN: "Ianto!"
JOHN: "I didn´t have a choice!"
IANTO: "There´s always a choice."
GWEN: "Okay! Can we just get these weevils in to the cells, please?"
IANTO: "If we don´t find him, I´ll kill you! Very slowly."

IANTO: "Where´s Jack? What have you done with him? What have you done with him?!"

Dr.Who

3. Season

Children of Earth - Day One

GWEN: "Anyone in? You two having shenanigans in the dark? Jack?"

IANTO: "He thought we were together. Like a couple. He said, 'You two'. The way he said it, huh. 'You two'."
JACK: "Well, we are. Does it matter?"
IANTO: "I dunno, it's all a bit new to me, that's all."

IANTO: "You are gonna get us killed!"
JACK: "No, you get killed, not me. You'd die like a dog, like an ugly dog!" (That hurts every time!)

JACK: "Persistent."
IANTO: "Good sign."
JACK: "Dogmatic."
IANTO: "Always a plus."
GWEN: "Oh, Christ, never work with a couple - you two talk like twins!"

JACK: "We need a child. Cos we need to test those frequencies. Find the right frequency, and we can find out who's transmitting."
IANTO: "Where d'you get a child, though? I could find you lasers and weevils and hitchhikers. But kids..."
JACK: "See you later."
IANTO: "Where are you going?"
JACK: "Now who's a couple?"

RHIANNON: "Susan on the corner was in town and it was her anniversary, so they went to that posh French place in town by the memorial, and there was you."
IANTO: "So...?"
RHIANNON: "There was you, having dinner with a man."
IANTO: "So?"
RHIANNON: "Having dinner, with a man, in a restaurant."
IANTO: "So? You have dinner with Tina."
RHIANNON: "Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort."
IANTO: "He's my boss."
RHIANNON: "She said it was intimate. I said, 'Well, he's had girlfriends,' and she said, 'Well, no girl was getting her feet round that table, no chance.' Have you gone bender?"
IANTO: "Mica's hearing this."
RHIANNON: "She's not bothered. Her friend Sian's got two mothers." - "Go on." - "You never tell me anything these days. Dad died, that was it, you were off. You couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't, did I?"
IANTO: "It's not that. It's my job, it's difficult, it's... He is very handsome."
RHIANNON: "No!"
IANTO: "Now stop it."
RHIANNON: "You're kidding me! Really, though? Really?" - "Christ almighty! He's nice, though? Is he?" - "Is he? Oh, my God. I mean, since when?"
IANTO: "It's weird. It's just different. It's not...men. It's... it’s just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is, really. So... So I'm not broadcasting it."
RHIANNON: "Oh, no, honest, I won't say. If you want it kept quiet, I swear, I won't say a word, I promise."
JOHNNY: "Aye aye, gay boy, she says you're taking it up the arse." - "Mica, will you get off that thing."
IANTO: "Thanks."
JOHNNY: "How've you been then, you smart bastard?"

JACK: "We need damage control at St Helen's. One body. Dr Rupesh Patanjali. Shot in the back."
IANTO: "What happened?"
JACK: "I don't know. He was just left there right beside me. Like someone's gloating."
IANTO: "Did they kill you?"
JACK: "Yeah."
Ianto moves in for manly hug with back patting.

JACK: "Ianto! We're having a baby!" - "Have you told Rhys?"
GWEN: "I've only just found out myself."
JACK: "Oh, you told me before you told him, he is gonna love that."
IANTO: "Congratulations." - "Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the car?"
JACK: "You did what?!"

JACK: "Ianto, you're going to get locked inside." - "Ianto! Then you..."
IANTO: "There must be a way to override the mechanism."
JACK: "For God's sake, get out!"
IANTO: "There'll be nothing left of you!"
JACK: "I can survive anything."
He bundles him onto the invisible lift and kisses Ianto intensely. Hits buttons. Invisible lift rises. They keep eye contact all the way up.
JACK: "I'll come back. I always do."

Children of Earth - Day Two

GWEN: "Ianto, you okay?"
IANTO: "Yeah. Have you heard from Jack?"
GWEN: "No. No, I haven´t. Sorry, hang on. Do you think he survived?"
IANTO: "He usually does."

IANTO: "What did it feel like? I mean, getting blown up."
JACK: "It wasn't the best of days."
IANTO: "No, but... did you feel it? Or did everything just go black?"
JACK: "I felt it."
IANTO: "Shit."
JACK: "Yeah."
IANTO: "D'you ever think that, one day, your luck'll run out? That you won't come back."
JACK: "I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever."
IANTO: "So... one day, you'll see me die of old age. And just keep going."
JACK: "Yeah."
IANTO: "We better make the most of it, then."
JACK: "Suppose."
IANTO: "Like right now?"
JACK: "Ianto, the world could be ending."
IANTO: "World's always ending. And I have missed that coat."
JACK: "Rhys, d'you wanna take the car and go to those shops, down by the Wharf? We need some disks for these things. Should take about... 20 minutes?"
IANTO: "30 minutes."
JACK: "30."
RHYS: "I'll go later, the beans are almost done!"
JACK: "The beans are almost done."
IANTO: "Bloody beans."

RHYS: "Took me a while to get used to those things."
IANTO: "What, you've used the lenses?"
RHYS: "Yeah. That's why Gwen had them."
GWEN: "I just took them home for a bit of fun."
IANTO: "Fun?"
GWEN: "Yeah."
RHYS: "Y'know. Fun."
IANTO: "Yeah, well been there, done that. It is fun."
RHYS & GWEN: "Yeah."

Children of Earth - Day four

IANTO: "I can´t believe you didn´t mention this before."
JACK: "They didn´t speak through kids back then. I didn´t recognize the signs at first."
IANTO: "That´s not what I meant."

IANTO: "This must have been eating away at you. Why didn´t you tell me? I could have helped."
JACK: "No, you couldn´t."
IANTO: "I tell you everything."
JACK: "Yeah? So tell me, what should I have done?"
IANTO: "Stood up to them. The Jack I know would have stood up to them." - "I've only just scraped the surface, haven't I?"
JACK: "Ianto, that's all there is."
IANTO: "No. You pretend that's all there is."
JACK: "I´ve lived a long time. I have done a lot of things. I´ve gotta go. I won´t be long."
IANTO: "You´re doing it again. Speak to me, Jack. Where are you going?"
JACK: "To call Frobisher. I can´t make the call from here ´cause they´ll be able to trace it. Is that okay?"
IANTO: "You´re the boss."
JACK: "And just so you know, I have a daughter called Alice, and a grandson called Steven and Frobisher took them hostage yesterday."

JACK: "Let´s go stand up to them."
IANTO: "Yes, sir."

SOLDIER: "I´ve found Jones. We can assume Harkness is nearby." (And why´s that?)