Sunday, February 3, 2008

"Internet blogger Tarquin Churchwell was named World's Biggest Liar in the 2008 Annual Lying Championship. Tarquin won the hundred-year-old contest in Queens, after telling the unlikely tale that he was "passing gas" one day and caused a hole in the ozone layer. The judges - who included many bloggers and New York Mayor Bloomberg - awarded the title last year to a woman who lived upstate.

Everyone applauded this year's choice, recognizing that Tarquin had done his homework and was quite a competitor. "A natural born liar," remarked one of the judges with a gasp.

The contest is held in memory of Bugsy P., who lived in New York in the early 20th century and was famous for his tall tales. He told how the rats in his neighborhood were so big, they could be hollowed out and used as garages. The annual event, sponsored by the Liars Coalition, attracts amazing lies from contestants -- like the claim that a magician had made this year's winner, Tarquin, disappear from the earth for three years, and the even wilder claim that mermaids are hatched in the ocean.

Tarquin's tale of his own flatulence destroying the world began with the boast that he had been born blogging, but at an early age his computer had been seized by the FBI. After the event, he said, "I'm aware there were dummies in the contest, but I beat all of 'em. I will come back next year and defend my title to prove that it wasn't a fix."

The prize was a decorative mug with the words "Liar! Liar!" printed in red."