8 Alternatives to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenges

Why dump a bucket of ice on your head when you can…

If you’ve been living under a rock or perhaps more accurately under a bucket of ice these past few weeks, you may have missed out on the latest craze to hit the world of hydro-philanthropy. The ALS Association rolled out a fundraiser where participants challenge three people to either donate $100 to the ALS Association to help find a cure for Lou Gehrig’s disease, or dump a bucket of ice water on their heads. Sorry Lou Gehrig’s disease, most people want to dump ice water on their heads.

But what about the rest of us who don’t want pneumonia? Is there a ridiculous challenge out there for us? Never fear, Jewlarious is here with:

8 Alternatives to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

1. The Sainsbury’s Gefilte Fish Challenge

In case you haven’t heard, London grocery chain Sainsbury’s stripped its shelves of kosher food over fears that anti-Israel protesters will annoy them with their rhythmic rhyming chanting. Way to stand up for freedom Sainsbury’s – I am sure Sir Winston is shepping naches right now. So here’s our challenge: go to Sainsbury’s, take an entire bottle of gefilte fish, and eat every last morsel in protest until they return the kosher food. OK and if you want, you can dump the jar of gefilte fish jelly on your head.

2. The Wolf Blitzer Straight Faced Interview Challenge

On July 28th, 2014 Hamas Spokesman Osama Hamdan said, “We all remember how the Jews used to slaughter Christians in order to mix their blood in their holy matzah. This is not a figment of the imagination or something taken from a film. It is a fact acknowledged by their own books and historical evidence.” On August 4th, 2014 CNN Anchor Wolf “the Beard” Blitzer interviewed Hamdan and asked him to clarify if he really believes such nonsense to which Hamdan replied, “You have to ask the Church.” That’s fair, right? Wolf seemed satisfied. So your challenge is to find someone who believes that the world is flat, that vaccines cause autism, or that 80s rock band Milli Vanilli were not in fact lip synching, ask them to explain their thinking, and then be completely satisfied with their response. Reporters who cover the Middle East seem quite adept at this so how hard could it be?

3. The Naftali Bennett Tell Someone You Hate them to their Face Challenge

Naftali Bennett is Israel’s Economy Minister. Naftali likes to speak his mind, even when he’s thinking angry thoughts. On July 28th, 2014, Minister Bennett was a guest on Al Jazeera television, and brace yourself, he was subjected to an extremely hostile interview. Naftali’s response was to tell the host, “Your owner, Qatar, funds the daily murder of children in Israel and Gaza.” In other words, “I hate you.” So your challenge is to find someone you hate, and tell them so. Straight to their face. Remember, record it and post their reaction on Facebook! It’s gonna be hilarious!

4. The Crank Up the Heat in an Israeli Taxi Challenge

As has been reported on Jewlarious previously, Israeli taxi drivers hate air conditioning. They will all tell you that their air conditioning units are broken, and they are all lying. The Shin Bet is reportedly still investigating this strange conspiracy. So you know what, don’t fight it. Embrace it. Here’s your challenge: take a cab ride in Israel and ask the driver to crank up the heat. Rolling down windows is not allowed! Proceeds go to the International Right Guard Association.

5. The 15 Second Red Alert Run

Usain Bolt can run the 100 meter dash in 9.58 seconds. But can he make it from a top floor apartment, scoop up three kids, help the elderly lady in the stairwell and then make it to the basement bomb shelter in 15 seconds? Because that’s what residents of the Israeli town of Sderot have to do. Hamas has fired over 3500 rockets into Israeli cities during the most recent hostilities and each time when Israelis hear a “Code Red Alert” they have only a few seconds to dash into their bomb shelters. So try this at home, at the office or with your friends in solidarity with the Israeli people. Extra points if you work at the BBC offices in London.

6. The Real Boycott Israel Challenge

One of the things the last few months have proved is that the world is full of crazy people. Some of these crazy people have been pushing for a boycott of Israeli products. Our suggestion: go for it, but do it all the way. Technology from Start-Up Nation has been integral to countless products so if you boycott Israel that means, for example, no:

Cell phones: cell phones were invented at the Motorola plant in Israel. So go back to that rotary dial you used to have in the kitchen

Flash drives: go back to using floppy disks

EpiLady: go back to poor feminine hygiene

Waze: go back to sitting in traffic and asking the gas station attendant for directions

Anti-virus software: The algorithm used in anti-virus software was developed in Israel. So you know that Nigerian prince? Go ahead and lend him that money

ALS Cure: Ironically, an Israeli Biotech start-up called BrainStorm Cell Therapeutics has reportedly cured Rabbi Refael Shmulevitz from his ALS symptoms. So boycotting Israel means boycotting ALS. Or that you really don’t want to give up dumping ice water on your head.

7. The Stephen Harper Dare to Lose Voters Challenge

Earlier in the year, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stood before the Knesset and gave a thoughtful speech, highlighting something that should in no way be controversial. Harper said, “It is, thus, a Canadian tradition to stand for what is principled and just, regardless of whether it is convenient or popular,” or, to paraphrase, he said, “I am going to do what is right and that is stand behind Israel, even if it costs me thousands of ignorant voters.” So we challenge you to challenge your elected officials to take a principled stand on anything that could result in him/her going against popular opinion even if it is true. For example: Is the United Nations a force for good in the world? Come on, be honest. Or, Burger King chicken fries - are they really “back by popular demand”?

8. The Hummus Tub Challenge

Finally, IDF Soldier Corey Feldman, who has had some remarkable plastic surgery work done since his appearance in the 1980s film Goonies, challenges people to put hummus on their faces as opposed to dumping ice on their heads. As Corey says, “Hamas is a terrorist organization that threatens the lives of both Palestinians and Israelis. Hummus, on the other hand, is delicious.” Participants are encouraged to donate $100 to the Friends of the IDF foundation. Here’s another ridiculous challenge that we can all get behind, right?

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Visitor Comments: 10

(9)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2014 4:47 PM

Sainsbury's challenge too late and misguided

Much as I usually enjoy Jewlarious humor, the Sainsbury's challenge seems late and wrongheaded. Two key facts: Kosher food was removed from one, and only one, store and was restored to the shelves after one day. Plus a third fact: Corporate managers quickly apologized, explained that the action was the fault of a lone store manager acting on his own (foolish) initiative and announced a policy prohibiting any similar action in any of Sainsbury's stores in the future. Seems to me Sainsbury's deserves praise for this response rather than being lampooned.

Sainsbury Watch,
August 28, 2014 1:15 PM

Who knew Sainsbury's Social Media manager read Jewlarious

You aren't fooling us!

(8)
Carolin,
August 26, 2014 9:17 AM

challenge I can't kick

About once a week or so I feel it mandatory to take the Naftali Bennett Challenge. Not sure what I'm helping to cure, but it makes me feel better!

(7)
Mary,
August 25, 2014 9:47 PM

A really good laugh

Thank you, I really needed a good laugh after today ( incidently it wa over 100 degrees F. some of tha ice water might have really felt nice.)

(6)
Katherine Jobe,
August 25, 2014 9:41 PM

Hilarious!

Made me laugh! So good to see that that you can keep up your humor through all that is going on. I dare Saturday Night Live to air these as skits, but that wouldn't be "politically correct." ! Love you guys at Jewlarious.comStaff!

(5)
Al Davis,
August 25, 2014 2:57 PM

Humus Challenege -- I'll take it

I'll take the humus challenge -- will you?

(4)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2014 12:36 PM

Great article

I'm going to send it to lots of people.

(3)
Jana Ondráčková,
August 25, 2014 8:52 AM

perfect

perfect, funny, hilarious and TRUE!!

(2)
Charlotte Feldman,
August 25, 2014 4:14 AM

Nothing funny about ALS

To make fun of one of the most successful ideas to raise money to fight ALS is to make fun of the families who have seen their loved one die from this always fatal, completely untreatible and devastating disease that robs a human being of all their faculties except the ability to know what is happening to them,I lost my husband to this abomination in 2008 and I thank Hashem that someone - himself an ALS patient - came up with this brilliant idea to raise awareness and money for reaearch which has failed in 165 years to find any treatment for this disease. There are dime-a-dozen charity walks and runs and solicitations by mail and phone for reliable and unreliable charities but at least there is some headway in the honorable ones. ALS is an orphan disease with currently no hope.You can take your jokes and apply them to other things.But don't you DARE joke about an idea that has finally started a trend that may give medical science the money it needs. It is too late for my husband but the love and support I and my sons have received during my husband's illness and ever after has sustained me and kept my soul from dispairl

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!