It is Ken Blanchard who said that feedback is the breakfast of champions. But it always seems so stressful. Whether you’re giving it or receiving it, few people are comfortable around it. It has got to the point where organisations are questioning the validity of appraisals and one company, GE, are calling feedback Insights so people feel less antsy about it. Why?

Black and white thinking (also known as all or nothing thinking) can be really useful when you need a quick decision which has an absolute answer: something is right or wrong, good or bad. A decimal point in the wrong place can have a huge impact, even though the mistake itself is small. “I nearly got it right” won’t hack it with the bank manager. Someone coming at you with a knife? Bad, and a clear signal to cut and run – no time to wonder at their intentions. So, black and white thinking can be helpful.

But not often. What it doesn’t allow for are the shades of grey in between. It polarises thinking and is often a factor in

I was interviewed for a leadership program on the subject of emotional intelligence this week. I call it your secret weapon because it is said to account for 80% of your success. You might be surprised to learn that intellect, though important too, actually only accounts for 20%. It is your ability to handle yourself which is what makes the biggest difference and this is what emotional intelligence is about. And the good news is that it helps you in your work and in your personal life too.

The downside of it is that you need to have it to know whether you have it!

There are four main elements to emotional intelligence (or EQ as it is also known):