I am Next in Line, What do I Say?

By: Brian Daly

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Funerals can be an uncomfortable and emotional time for all those involved. And sometimes the most uncomfortable part of the whole day is finding the right words to express your sympathy to the families and loved ones of the deceased. Is there a right word or expression to tell a family how sorry you are for there loses? So many times people will settle for a generic handshake and expression and move on, but that is not what the family wants to hear. Within this article we will take a look at the do and don’ts of what to say to the immediate family at the funeral.

What Not to Say

Before you are able to understand what is an appropriate response, it is important to know some things to avoid first. For most people they will tend to lead towards the phrases such as “they’re in a better place”, “everything happens for a reason” or “be strong”. When you say phrases along those lines its as if you are diminishing the pain that they are feeling. It is taking away the pain that they feel and can make the bereaved feel work. You need to consider your words wisely; they would be sympathetic and caring. You do not want the bereaved to feel as though you are casting aside their emotions towards there lose, because for them this is the most difficult day of their lives. When you use generic phrases and sympathies you are showing them that you had no real connection with the deceased.

What You Should Say

Many people do not know what they should say to the bereaved because they don’t understand that even a few phrases could provide comfort to someone through such a tremendous lose. If you really don’t know what to say, then a simple “I’m sorry for your loss” and move on, or even telling the bereaved how much you knew the deceased loved them could be a big support. It is important for the bereaved to know that you shared many happy memories with the deceased, and for them to also know the impact that they made on your life. If you are comfortable, you can also express your favourite memories or remembrance of the deceased because it will help them also reflect on the positive memories that they shared.

If you are still unsure of what to say, reflect on the relationship you had with the deceased. Think of that one positive memory or personality trait that you will never forget. The bereaved are going through many stages of grief and mourning, try to be a sense of comfort. When you are able to reflect on the positives you will find something positive to say to the families.

If you have any further questions on this topic, please contact us at Ocean County Cremation Services.