Mohammed entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammed," he replied.
"You're in America now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Kevin."
Mohammed returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammed?" his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammed. I'm in America and now my name is Kevin."
"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammed returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
"What happened to you, Kevin?² she asked.
Well ma'am, shortly after becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started Writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.
Dorothy: "That nice André Oberholzer asked me
out for a date. I know you went out with him last
week, and I wanted to talk with you about him
before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my
apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such
a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such
beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs,
and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine,
uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out
for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster,
champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.
Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy,
I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from
pleasure! So then we are coming back to my house
and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy,
he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way
with me two times!" Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me
I shouldn't go out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.":D