The Poop Patrol Is Watching

Our new ordinance has redefined a "public nuisance animal" to include any animal that "soils, defecates on any property other than that of its owner." Not content with that, they went on to expand the definition to include that "that causes fouling of the air by noxious or offensive odors." To add insult to injury, the owner can be cited the "first time" the dog is "found running at large." Forget three strikes and you are out. First offense, you are cited.

One council member went so far as to say, "so many people asked us to do it ... so it's not us." Excuse me? You are the elected official of "us" and you need to bring sanity to a contentious issue. The goal here was to "simplify and facilitate enforcement."

Some examples of how you have "simplified" the ordinance:

1) Suzy Homemaker struggles at the door with two bags of groceries in hand. As she opens the door, Fifi, the pomeranian, darts out the door and runs out to the street. Horrified with the unfamiliar surroundings, Fifi soils and defecates until she is caught by the Poop Patrol who cites the owner.

2) We go for a leisurely walk down the street with our dog (on a leash mind you)! As he sniffs along the way, he finds a choice tree and raises his leg. All of a sudden, Atilla the Hun comes from behind screaming Gomer Pyle-like, "C-I-T-I-Z-E-N-S A-R-R-E-S-T!" Here comes the Poop Patrol.

3) The July 4th parade is in full swing. Here come the horses, all bejeweled in their regalia. Then all of a sudden, their tails lift and a "noxious and offensive odor" pervades the parade. Here comes the Poop Patrol.

4) It's a beautiful Saturday morning and Paws in the Park has many dogs "soiling and defecating" to their heart's content. But wait a minute, this is not the "property of the owner." Here comes the Poop Patrol.

Boys in Blue, get ready for the Poop Patrol. Time to go back to the drawing board.