35 personalities you meet in the workplace and how they spend their lunch break

35 personalities you meet in the workplace and how they spend their lunch break

It’s been a while since I worked in an office but lately I’ve been thinking about the different personalities you meet in the workplace. It doesn’t have to be an office, it could be anywhere even a building site, and it even translates to blogging. We have Facebook groups where we congregate and swap stories and the same personalities crop up time and time again.

So, without further ado I give you 35 personalities you meet in the workplace (in no particular order or gender for that matter) and how they spend their lunch break:

The one that hangs around the photocopier all day doing fuck all yet is still the bosses favourite. Spend their lunches gossiping in the break room

The one who’s worked at the company forever and is now basically part of the furniture. Spend their lunch breaks eating their packed lunch at their desk

The popular one who is actually an absolute bitch, no one knows why (s)he’s popular (s)he just is. Spend their lunch with anyone they chose to, on their terms

The funny one, they always crack a joke at the right time during meetings to make everyone laugh. Spends their lunchtime in the break room making people laugh (or hiding in the toilet crying)

The studious one, always have their head down and wouldn’t dare to make a personal phone call in company time. Spends their lunch break either at their desk or with the one that’s worked at the company forever

The tech geek. When “turning it off and on again” has failed the tech geek steps in. Usually spend their lunchtime fixing people’s personal laptops for free

The bore who drones on and on but no one actually knows anything about them because they shut off. Spends their lunch break being avoided at all costs

The constantly harassed one. Everything is always on top of them and then the boss gives them even more to do. Spends their lunch break doing overtime trying to keep on top of everything

The one that is always pregnant. She fell pregnant before her last maternity leave was up and now she’s pregnant again. Spends her lunch break googling contraception and wondering why she didn’t learn her lesson the previous two times

The one who always fucks up but it’s never their fault and manages to pin the blame on someone else. Spends their lunch break with someone different every day

The one who tries oh so hard but never quite cuts it. Spends their lunchtime contemplating their life and listening to podcasts, alone

The one with a drawer full of biscuits. Spends their lunch break not eating because they already ate 2 packs of Bourbons, a Garibaldi, 3 Rich Tea and a Jammy Dodger by 11am

The one who uses your teabags but never replenishes them. Spends their lunch break eating other people’s lunches

The one who spends all day on social media. You name it they’re on it. Spends their lunch break watching videos of cats and arranging their night out via PM

The one that’s shagged half the office. Spends their lunch break chatting up the half they’ve not yet shagged and applying “cream”

The one that’s always doing a “sponsored something” – walk, run, cake sale, sky dive, paint their house purple – you name it they’ve done it. Spends their lunch break desperately trying to collect the sponsorship money they were promised by Dave in accounts

The one that always has an appointment, the doctors, the optician, the vet. They spend their lunch time making up the hours they spent at an appointment

The one who always has a sick day…on a Monday. They’ve plastered all over social media that they were shit faced all weekend, forget they are friends with half the office including their boss but Monday morning come down with a “tummy bug”. Spends their lunch hour downing Berocca and eating carbs

The one that always “pops to the loo” or makes a very important phone call when it’s their turn to make the drinks. Spends their lunchtime without a cup of tea

The one who never attends meetings and expects people to “fill them in”. Spends their lunch break…alone

The one that always goes for a walk at lunchtime. Spends their lunch break walking

The one going through a marriage breakdown. Spends their lunch break googling hitmen and moving money from the joint account

The one that earns a shit ton of money and no one quite knows why. Spends their lunch break spending money at the local deli or online buying new clothes that they don’t need

The one that only has a job because they have dirt on the boss. Spends their lunch break with the boss

The one that doesn’t actually need to work for financial reasons but just wants to “Get out of the house”. Spends their lunch break gossiping

The couple having an affair that always work late. They spend their lunchtime together

The couple who aren’t actually having an affair but everyone assumes they are. They spend their lunch break together, in a purely platonic fashion, honestly

The office bully that takes credit for all your work because they stapled the sheets of your report together. Spends their lunch break terrorising the geek and the sponsored walker

The proud parent who has photos of their kids everywhere, including a mug and mouse mat. Spends their lunch break with the always pregnant one or other parents, never the singles

The one that has got caught up in a multilevel marketing scheme (a la Younique) and is always bringing stuff into work to flog. Spends their lunch break forcing their latest catalogue under your nose and guilting you into buying a £20 mascara that is absolute crap

The agony aunt or uncle who always has a box of tissues and “do not disturb” on their door. Spends their lunch break listening to other people’s problems and wondering how it all came to this

The work experience kid who always has relationship issues, usually with a dodgy partner who has a tag. Spends their lunch break with the agony aunt/uncle

The informant. Spends their lunch break listening in doorways

The one that “works from home”. They don’t have a lunch break as they don’t do any fucking work. Their whole say is a lunch break

The one who tries to get everyone to go out for a drink at least once a week. Spends their lunch break trying to organise the next social and being avoided by their colleagues

Go on – how many do you recognise and which one are you?

Disclaimer – the characters in this post are entirely fictitious and bear no resemblance to anyone I have ever met…ever…

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About Me

I'm Erica, I'm a forty something mother of two small(ish) boys. Eater of too much (but not meat), drinker of practically anything. I like nothing more than to make people laugh. If sarcasm is the lowest form of wit then I am possibly the lowest of the low - no, really.

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