Sittin’ in a diner at 3 AM Next to a table of average menLogos covering their clothesNASCAR, Bad Boys, Bud Light, Hooters!I sit there and let them beThey make a point to laugh at meSittin’ in a diner at 3 AMA target of the average men

Sittin’ in a diner at 3 AMStared at by the average menThey think that they’re living rightDisagree, they’ll start a fightThey bait me, but I resistStill their hard looks persistViolence is a glance awayIf the average men get their way

Sittin’ in a diner at 3 AMListening in on the average menTrying to overhear their talkFind out what they’re all aboutThey didn’t have very much to sayTalkin’ bout the food they ate that dayDidn’t eat lunch, they were pretty brokeHad some M&Ms and a Diet Coke…

RIDE BABY (Freeman)

Hello thereYou’ve got my attentionYou look like troubleHeading my directionYour kind of crazy is just what I’m here to find

One kissAnd I’m feeling something growin’Your eyesTell me all I need to know andYou’re only here for one thing but I don’t really mind

So come on over andRide baby, ride babyCome right on over andRide baby, ride babyWe’ll go all night now, justRide baby, ride babyWe’re gonna burst at the seams

I can’t believe you or I can’t believe my earsDid I just hear you ask, “What’s up with all these queers?”You should watch your mouthThis is not the South And you never know who’ll overhear

Some of my best friends are those guys who make you sickSome of my best friends like to suck a little dick“So what if they do” is not your point of viewSo, one of my best friends won’t be you

I may not be gay but I know this much is true:I’d rather fuck an asshole than be one just like youThis is not a threatOr at least, not yetBut you’d better watch your ass around straight people too

Some of my best friends Some of my best, best friends Some of my best friends Some of my best, best friends Some of my best friends Some of my best, best friends Some of my best friends Some of my best, best friends

THAT’S SO GAY (Freeman)

I heard what you said, I’m not stupid you knowWhat do you take me for, hetero?The next time you say it make sure I can’t hearCuz you’re pissing me off, is that clear?

What’d he say? He said, “that’s so gay”What’d he say? He said, “that’s so gay”And if you say it againThere’ll be hell to payI’ll show you what it means to be gay

I heard what you said, just a figure of speechIf you meant nothing by it, practice what you preachThe next time you say it you’d better think twiceSome pissed off faggot might not take it too nice

What’d he say? He said, “that’s so gay”What’d he say? He said, “that’s so gay”And if you say it againThere’ll be hell to payI’ll show you what it means to be gay

I heard what you said, I’m not stupid you knowWhat do you take me for, breeder?The next time you say it, make sure I can’t hearCuz you’re pissing me off and you’re not even queer

OBSESSED WITH ME (Ginoli)

I saw it on the bathroom wall I read it in the toilet stallYou can find it anywhere at allYou’re obsessed with me

Truckstop on an interstateIn a dressing room backstageEven when you’re with a girl on a date You’re obsessed with me

You’re obsessed with me With desire and hateCause I dare to do What fills you with shame

I’ve had 20 years of cockAnd I’m never gonna stopI’ve had 20 years of cockAnd I’m never gonna stop…

10, 20, 30 years of cock…40, 50, 60 years of cock!

And when I’m oldIn my rocking chairI’ll have a grandfather clockAnd some grandfather cock oh yeah!

WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME (Freeman/Ginoli)

Sex with you is the best around Life with you has me gagged and boundThe sheets are always stainedBut it’s time that I abstainYou’re making me insaneWhat’s in it for me

Your whole life you’ve been miserableBut it’s you who’s responsibleTrying to lay the blameOn the person that you’re layingIs pushing me awayWhat’s in it for me

What’s in it for meYou’re bringing me down, down, downWhat’s in it for meWhat’s in it for meIt almost felt like loveWhen you put away the drugsIt’s killing me to stayWhat’s in it for me

All we do is fight or get it on all nightBetween the two extremes we can’t seem to agreeAnd I’m not here to fix you, dearThat’s up to you not me

You can’t see from my point of viewOr you’d know why I’m asking youTo tell me what’s the pointIf all I do is disappointWhat else can I sayWhat’s in it for meWhat’s in it for meYou’re dragging me down, down, downWhat’s in it for meWhat’s in it for meIt almost felt like loveAnd that’s something I could have been proud ofBut I can’t stay another dayWhat’s in it for me

YOU’LL SEE THEM AGAIN (Ginoli)

Someday, you’ll turn with a glanceAnd you will see, by happenstanceAn apparition of a long lost loveAnd it’ll feel like a gift from above

He’ll resemble some old flameBut time has passed, he’d look different todayYou’ll stop in your tracks, frozen with a stareIn disbelief at what you’re seeing there

You’ll see them again, You’ll see them againIn the faces of younger menWhen you least expect it you’ll see them again

Study his features, nearly the sameBut a different person, a different nameTo say a word, would be absurdBetter say nothing, and just observe

It’s not about clinging to the pastIt’s about remembering what didn’t lastBut a visit is nice, if just for a minuteTo imagine a day that had him in it

DIRTY YOUNG MAN (Ginoli)

I’ve got a dirty young manAnd I’m so gratefulMy dirty young manHe’s a platefulHe’s so smart, so precociousSo intense, so ferocious

He grew up with internet pornNow he’s out and blowing his hornHe knows what he wants to beAnd I’m so glad he gives it to me

You’re a dirty young manAnd I love itYou’re a dirty young manAnd you know where to shove it (And I know where to shove it)Dirty young manI’m your number one fanYou’re a dirty young man

My dirty young manIs totally sexualWatch him moveI can bet you willEvery move just radiates lustI’m trying hard to keep up

All this burningYoung man intensityEnergy to supply a whole cityNever wants an intermissionBursting out like nuclear fission

IT’S JUST A JOB Freeman/Ginoli/Reader)

Another guy is knocking on our doorThere are nights you hate it when your man is a whoreAt first I objected, but then he made me seeIt’s just sex, not making love—he saves that for me

It’s just a job somebody’s gotta doIt’s just a job and the pay is good tooYou’d think I’d be jealous but why should I be?The fact of the matter is that he makes more money than me

Now he’s gone out on another house callHe’s gonna give it to someone else and I don’t mind at allI’m through with being possessive, I’m done with laying claimsAnd if I were in his shoes, I would do the same

He’s never done anything to jeopardize and condoms are a mustI’m the man that he comes home to, he’s the man I trust

Cuz it’s just a job somebody’s gotta doIt’s just a job but I wish he wouldn’t screwHe’s in the oldest profession with a Master’s DegreeThe fact of the matter is that he makes more money than me

PAT ME ON THE ASS (Ginoli)

Playing high school footballReally is a gasI hope we win so allMy buddies can pat me on the ass

Pat me on the ass (On the ass!)Pat me on the ass (On the ass!)Pat me on the ass I’m a winner every time

Our quarterback’s a hottieAnd when he makes a passI wish he’d make one at meOr at least pat me on the ass

Pat me on the ass (On the ass!)Pat me on the ass (On the ass!)Pat me on the ass I’m a winner every time

I love our wide receiverCause when he makes the catchI always try to be the first To pat him on the ass

Our coach is my role modelHe’s got so much classI want to make the big playSo he’ll pat me on the ass

Pat me on the ass (On the ass!)Pat me on the ass (After class!)Pat me on the ass (On the ass!)Pat me on the ass (After class!)Pat me on the ass I’m a winner every time

NEVER YOU MIND (Freeman)

I keep my business to myself ‘cause that’s the way I like it, you seeAlrightIf only you’d learn to show the same restraint as me AlrightI can’t help thinking how’d you ever get to live to be as dumb as you areAlrightYou must be doing something right‘ cause Darwin’s let you get this farAlright

Never you mind…

This goes out to all the people trying to tell me how things outta beAlrightIt just ain’t none of your business what I’m doing in my own privacyAlrightAnd don’t go quoting the Bible trying to scare me with that bullshit and liesAlrightI don’t believe it, you can’t prove it and Jesus would have been on my sideAlright

Never you mind…

LIFE LOVERS (Ginoli)

We’re grown up now, over the traumaOf young lust and teenage dramaOn the Kinsey scale you’re in the middleIt took me years to work out your riddleWe might not meet for a year or two Living far apart but our feelings stay true…

Won’t mind my boyfriendWon’t mind your wifeWe’ll stay close friendsFor the rest of our livesWon’t be a secretOr undercoverLovers for lifeWe’re life lovers

No box to check on the census formUnless they’ve got one that says “don’t conform”Won’t live a lie, won’t need permissionWe’ll invent a brand new traditionNo estate to settle, no divorce battlesNo trial separations, just an understanding

Won’t mind my boyfriendWon’t mind your wifeWe’ll stay close friendsFor the rest of our livesWon’t be a secretOr undercoverLovers for lifeWe’re life lovers