Hi Jill –
My name is Deidrea Laux and I noticed that you posted our story from the Dallas Morning News.
I just wanted to tell you thank you for getting the word out there. One of the primary reasons we opened our lives up during such a difficult time was to bring awareness to situations like ours. We are blessed to be surrounded by a very supportive medical community. Once we decided to move forward with our pregnancy, our OB pulled together a team to walk us through medical decisions and they supported us 100%….

However, what was lacking was any information about perinatal hospice. Fortunately, through family support and connections we found a wonderful pediatric hospice nurse, Kathy Rose. I was shocked to discover that in a city the size of Dallas there is no official perinatal hospice program. Had we not found Kathy, we would have been forced to navigate the non-medical issues on our own.

Our belief that Thomas’s life began at conception is very strong and there was no obstacle too big that we would have chosen a different course of action. But I wonder how many parents are out there facing this same situation and are without support like we had. Will they make a different decision because they are traveling this difficult journey alone?

Our hope is that one day every family given a fatal prenatal diagnosis will walk out of their doctor’s office knowing termination is not the only or “best” option but choosing life for their child can be a very beautiful and rewarding experience.. Not to mention, it’s the right thing to do.
So, thanks again for getting us one step closer to making this a reality for every family.
Blessings,
Deidrea Laux

I told Deidrea I was very encouraged to read she and husband T. K. were making perinatal hospice a mission. I know we would all be shocked about the prevalence of abortions in the face of tragic fetal diagnoses.

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21 Responses to “Note from Thomas’s Mom”

Thank you for sharing your wounds with us all, my daughter was potentially supposed to have trisomy 18, she came out perfectly fine, I also believe in life at conception and abortion was never an option for us, more people need to know that whether the diagnosis is correct or not, you need to leave life in the Hands that make it possible and not take it into your own…Lord bless you and your husband in this painful time of your life and may you feel His arms of love around you continually…Meg

Thank you so much for shining a light on this issue. My husband and I were also presented with a fatal diagnosis for our unborn daughter in 2006. Many in the medical community as well as family and friends simply could not understand why we would not terminate the pregnancy. Unfortunately that is what our culture has lead us to believe… that it was a “pregnancy” we were terminating, not calling it for what it really is…
Our daughter indeed passed away, but I would not have traded one second of her life for anything.
Blessings to you from Whom all things flow…
~C

I deeply admired Deidrea’s husband, TK. He was so strong and supported her being able to fulfill her vocation as a mother to Thomas. In turn, he fulfilled beautifully his vocation as not only her husband but especially as a father to their child. He was a protector and IS a man of action.
This is not to take anything away from Deidrea’s heroic actions as a mother. It’s just that in this day and age, so many men could learn these lesson from T.K. If they did, abortion would be a rare thing indeed.
You both will remain in my prayers

what a blessing for us to be able to view your video.
Posted by: Janet at September 3, 2009 1:00 PM
Yes! Cried my eyes out but came away feeling blessed to witness such strong love in action. Deidrea and TK, thank you for sharing Thomas with us.He was so strong and supported her being able to fulfill her vocation as a mother to Thomas
I thought the same, angel. The mutual spousal love which flowed through them to Thomas was inspiring. I pray they will always stay strong in their love for one another.

“I wonder how many parents are out there facing this same situation and are without support like we had.”
Unfortunately, way too many, and way too many get pressured to abort and trust in the advice of those who do not believe in the value of lives like Thomas.
For the past 3 years Lumina, http://postabortionhelp.org/pre-natalpreNatal.html
along with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal, http://www.franciscanfriars.com/ have been offering retreats for couples who aborted because of a poor pre natal diagnosis.
When I saw this video the other day, I was thinking how I wished every couple who received such a diagnosis could see Diedrea’s and T.K.’s story.
Thank you Diedrea and T.K. for sharing Thomas with us. It spoke to all of us of true love and the dignity of each human person!

“The only thing Thomas will ever know is love.”
Deidrea and TK,
Thank you for sharing. I have cried so much watching the video over and over. You are wonderful parents and Thomas is precious and beautiful! So grateful to you for letting us getting to know your family.
You are in my prayers.

I just want to thank you both for sharing this beautiful story. We have also added it to our site, to share with others. We hope you will hop on over and see our post. May God bless you all, and congratulations on your pending birth! http://idscforlife.wordpress.com/
IDSC For Life
Advocating in the womb and in the room!

T.K. and Dierdre,
Keep fighting the good fight!
And a great big CONGRATULATIONS! on the expected January arrival of your little girl! Sending my prayers for a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery! I don’t think anyone can doubt the quality of life she will have!

Here in Kansas City we have a wonderful perinatal hospice: Alexandra’s House, run by Patti Lewis, R.N. In Wichita, Choices Medical Clinic has a perinatal hospice program. Yes, they are SUCH a blessing! Jill, I have Patti’s email if Dierdre would like it. I believe they have walked through about 300 pregnancies with parents so far. Three of them were co-joined twins. Patti told me about the last one. They died real soon after birth and it was known they were going to. The father later told her he had been dreading the day of their birth, but that after he saw them and loved on them and then they passed away, he said that what he thought was going to be the worst day of his life was the best day, because it made him appreciate so much the true value and beauty of human life. As Patti said, “Few get to hear these beautiful stories except those of us there.” But because of Diedre and T.K.’s willingness to share, and the couple who produced “99 Balloons” about their child, more and more people will thankfully find out. Let me know if I can help connect Diedre and Patti Lewis. — MK

Deidrea and TK,
Bless you for being strong and listening to your hearts. Thank you for sharing the story of your precious baby Thomas.
In Minnesota it is state law that parents be offered hospice care. You may want to pursue the legislative avenue to make change. As much as we want to try and influence the medical community through education it can be a mountain to move. The legistlative process can move this issue to the media to create awareness and garner public support. It will also make sure there are policies in place so more families like yours can experience the support you deserved and received. It will push drs. hospitals and clinics to get on board with making sure their patients and their babies are given rights.
Good luck to both of you and congratulations on your new little one on the way!

Deidrea and TK,
Words fail to describe the privilege of witnessing your son’s birth, life and death, and your courageous grace through it all. I will remember Thomas and the two of you for the rest of my days, and I will thank God for the gift of life.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for choosing LIFE. Thank you for all you’re doing now to help other moms and dads make the same right choice.
God bless you both, and God bless your precious daughter. Peace and joy be with you.

God’s blessings to you Deidrea and T.K. Thanks for sharing. My prayers for a safe and healthy delivery of your baby girl. At my local CPC today heard a story of a couple who was counseled to abort because doctors thought their baby had Trisomy 13. They chose life no matter what. They knew he was their baby and deserved to live. Their baby was fine. Doctors need to stop pressuring couples to abort. They are not GOD. .

Thanks so much for sharing Thomas’s story with the world. That video was one of the most beautiful, awe-inspiring, and heart-rending videos that I have ever seen. It is true, and its truth makes it compelling.
I pray that Thomas’s brief life will serve as an inspiration to others. I also pray that his brave & faithful parents will find comfort in the Lord as they continue to walk in His will.

Deidrea & TK – what words suffice to thank you for being so intimate in sharing your life with Thomas? Your offering, your witness, is profoundly beautiful and deeply, deeply touching.
You’ve touched us with a sense of the deep love our heavenly Father feels for us, that we are all so wanted and loved by Him.
May God bless you and your family. Keeping you all in our prayers.

Our good friends went through a lot of what you did, but their daughter did not make it to birth. Here is a link to their story:
or do an internet search for, “Christy Wall asks for prayers”.
May God bless wonderful parents like you who share your intimate pain in order to let the beauty of LIFE be known to many who need the witness. Those babies, short as their lives are, are such a blessing to SO many!
Prayers for you!

Our good friends went through a lot of what you did, but their daughter did not make it to birth. Here is a link to their story:
May God bless wonderful parents like you who share your intimate pain in order to let the beauty of LIFE be known to many who need the witness. Those babies, short as their lives are, are such a blessing to SO many!
Prayers for you!

Thanks for this. I featured this story on my blog at http://turquoisegates.blogspot.com/2009/09/when-he-sustained-me.html. I was encouraged to terminate a pregnancy after a poor prenatal diagnosis back in 2006. My daughter was born regardless of all the advice I was given, and she is beautiful and healthy. I so wish that would have been the Laux’s story. But thankful also that God sees fit to pick those strongest in the faith to walk the road most laden with suffering. Thanks very much for your blog.

Who Is Jill Stanek?

Jill Stanek is a nurse turned speaker, columnist and blogger, a national figure in the effort to protect both preborn and postborn innocent human life.

The “reversals” also show that the ingestion of medication abortion drugs is never a sure thing when it comes to terminating a pregnancy. While anti-abortion activists tout the alleged “high complication rates” of the process, what they conveniently leave out is that the most common complication is that the patient remains pregnant, and that the protocol needs to be followed up with D&C or vacuum aspiration abortion in order to end the pregnancy….

Why is the “reversal” apparently so successful then? Primarily it is because those who are trying to continue the pregnancy are already in the midst of a failed medication abortion to start with….

“There’s no evidence of any demonstrable effect of the ‘treatment’ these anti-abortion centers are marketing,” Dr. Cheryl Chastine, a provider at South Wind Women’s Center in Wichita, Kansas, said. “The medical literature is quite clear that mifepristone on its own is only about 50 percent effective at ending a pregnancy. That means that even if these doctors were to offer a large dose of purple Skittles, they’d appear to have ‘worked’ to ‘save’ the pregnancy about half the time. Those numbers are consistent with what these people are reporting.”

“[The abortion pill] binds much more tightly to the progesterone receptor, to block it than progesterone itself does…. So there really is not much evidence to indicate, I’m really not aware of anything, that by increasing the amount of progesterone you’re gonna somehow block the effect of this drug….

I think this is really outside of standard of care to just begin doing this kind of treatment, without collecting more rigorous studies about its effectiveness.”

Note: The function of mifepristone is to block progesterone receptors (which is why, in an abortion pill reversal, an extra injection of progesterone is given to counteract these effects). Mifepristone “directly causes endometrial decidual degeneration, cervical softening and dilatation, release of endogenous prostaglandins, and an increase in the sensitivity of the myometrium to the contractile effects of prostaglandins. Mifepristone-induced decidual breakdown indirectly leads to trophoblast detachment, resulting in decreased syncytiotrophoblast production of hCG, which in turn causes decreased production of progesterone by the corpus luteum (pregnancy is dependent on progesterone production by the corpus luteum through the first 9 weeks of gestation—until placental progesterone production has increased enough to take the place of corpus luteum progesterone production).”