I’m Asking AND I’m Telling: DADT Is Repealed?!?

Nothing is more embarrassing than watching the news with all these old men bandying about the words gay and homosexual. The possible repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has brought the conversation to the forefront and it makes me cringe whenever I hear some old, straight, uptight military man boiling the whole thing down to, “What about the showers?” Are these people kidding? Is that what all these homophobes are worried about? Being groped in the shower? No gay guy in their right mind, with the Taliban lurking in the shadows, wants to take the risk of coming onto a straight man in the shower, no less. I was told that army showers are extremely quick…along the lines of a whore’s bath. Who has time to even get aroused? It sounds like these straight guys who fear the showers are just embarrassed to show their small penises, not being the objects of desire, and just blaming it on the gays. Or something that makes no sense.

There are two institutions that gays have been banned from, marriage and the military. Both of which seems like God working in our lives, but what do I know? Life could not be sweeter for the gays, but noooo, they need to take the weight of the world on their shoulders, whereas it used to be just free weights. For this gay, the goal and end game should be all about our Civil Rights. There are playbooks to follow. Women got the vote, Blacks got power, Catholics in Ireland got access to public housing, and a host of other meaningful battles have been won. Our talking points should be all about our civil rights for equality under the guise of partnerships, extending all the rights that married folks get. And as for the military? Look, Goldie Hawn said it best in Private Benjamin, “Do these come in another color?” in reference to the wardrobe. I know…what I am saying is sacrilege, especially with military chic being the rage, but I just think that we need our rights, not the title of Husband or Wife or Private or Sergeant. Sadly, the new deciders in office are becoming more right wing and scary. Had all the gays and their fag-hag girlfriends come out to vote this past November, the tide and tone might not have shifted so drastically back to the Stone Age, with the repeal slipping through our fingers. If we lose this moment for repeal, then what we need to do is what every other Civil Rights Movement has done…take to the streets. No outrage…no sea change. Kind of like, no tickie nor shirtie.

NEWSFLASH: DADT IS REPEALED. Republicans, get out your chastity belts when showering in Afghanistan.