Friday, March 10, 2006

Meet Dolores

You can't learn to spin without fiber, so a couple of weeks ago I sent away to an online operation specializing in such things and ordered two pounds of Romney roving. I've heard from so many people that Romney is a good beginner's wool that I decided to go with it.

Last night after work I was kntting on the Regicide Scarf (it's coming along well, thank you for asking) when a call came up from the concierge saying I had a delivery from Twelve Willows Farm. "You want me to send 'er up?" he asked.

"Absolutely," I said. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. And then I opened the door, and then I saw this.

"Hi," said the sheep.

"Hello," I said.

"I assume you've been expecting me?" said the sheep.

I wasn't quite sure how to answer that.

The sheep held out a small slip of yellow paper with "TWELVE WILLOWS FARM: BILL OF SALE" printed in block captials across the top.

"Um...I was expecting two pounds of Romney roving," I said.

"No kidding," said the sheep.

"Are you two pounds of Romney roving?"

"Eventually," said the sheep.

"You're not quite what I anticipated," I said weakly.

"Yeah, well I thought you'd be taller," said the sheep.

She extended a hoof. I shook it.

"I'm Dolores," she said.

"I'm Franklin."

"Swell. Terrific. Are you going to ask me to come in or what?"

I stepped aside and Dolores toddled into the living room, pulling a small purple wheelie bag. She settled herself on the sofa, stretched out and burped delicately. There was a faint aroma of hay.

"Traffic from the airport was a bitch," she yawned.

I sat down in my armchair and we looked at each other for a few minutes.

"So, chatterbox, are you going to offer me a drink or do I need to get it myself?"

"I...well...what would you like?"

"Whisky, neat, thanks."

"I have...orange juice."

"Oh," sighed Dolores, "this is going to be some gig. I tell you what, big shot. Point me to the powder room. I need to freshen up and then we're going out for a wee drinkie."

295 comments:

I'm new to the whole blogging thing and am about to tear my hair out from frustration (do you think I can knit with it?). I'm trying to put up links to my fave blogs and other sites (including yours) and since you use the same blogging site I thought you could tell me how. (i already followed the instructions on the help site for blogspot. they didn't work)

He was asking for it "Divine Right of Kings " ..ask my Quaker Mum what she thinks ...so THAT is why your scarf is called "Regicide" .I am fibbing a bit as my post re: Cromwell would attest ...Mum thinks re-training not be-heading but she's a sweetie .How do you re-train mad old Monarchs ? True about the blood ....nothing a touch of bio-tex wouldn't sort.

Man, I'm wondering where this is going too. Dolores sounds like one tough cookie, and I bet she'll have you really have to jump through hoops (literally and figuratively) to get that 2 lbs. of roving! And the question is, how, in the end, ARE you going to get it? Hmmmmm....I don't envy your task(s) ahead!

Often when I read, characters will develop a distinct voice in my head (okay, perhaps therapy might be a good thing for this, but I digress). Delores almost immediately turned into Harvey Fierstein doing Edna Turnblad, with a more of an edge. Hope it's okay to give your beloved (they certainly are to me) characters voices.

Franklin, you are so good at this that you even inspire fun responses from everyone. I hope you are as tickled, joyous, and happy as you seem to be in your blog...and thanks for sharing it with us all. We are so grateful to share your joyful self!

Omigod, Patrice (aka "anonymous"), I thought the same thing with Dolores' voice! Or at least something along the same lines. I think I had the voice of Roz from Monsters, Inc. or Selma of Night Court in mind, but it's the same idea. I guess Dolores should cut back on those ciggie-butts.

I do not know what it is about Romney sheep. The first ram I ever got was a brown Romney which my son immediately named Fred (actually, he was named Frederick the Great, but I felt that this was putting a little too much pressure on the ram). If Danny Devito was a sheep, he would be Fred. Short, squatty, and hairy. A fireplug with a fleece - that was Fred. On the other hand, he was the sexiest guy sheep we ever had - sort of Avis Rent a Car trapped in a sheep -- and could smell a young lady in...well, you get the idea...from about 5 miles away. I had lady sheep lined up at the fence - I had one lady sheep with her head through the fence - I had three young ladies who should have definitely NOT known better who ended up being mommies before they were a year old (the hussies - must have been relatives of Dolores). And he was one of those romantic guys - talk about wine and dine - he used to spend a LOT of time whispering what passes for sheep nothings into various ears...What a guy. Must be something in that Romney Marsh water or something...

I'm a random passerby who stumbled upon this blog by doing a search in google in quotes for "Dolores looks like" and it led me here. Well, not here (meaning this post exactly, but another one you made referring to Dolores) and see well, my name is Dolores and I have to tell you - this post of yours...I have to read further about the sheep. This was the funniest thing I have read in a while.

Giggle, snort, cough.... I need to read your blog when I am in company from now on.... safer that way if I aspirate my tea (coffee, beer, mojito, wine, etc). Just recently discovered your blog due to a post you made on livejournal's knitting site, please keep it up.CiaoVanessa

OK. I have been thinking it for a while now... I love your unique captioning on your copywrite lines.... *mumbles to self while chuckling* unexpected company copywrite.... where does he come up with this stuff....

Chantix also known as Varenicline Tartrate, is a prescription medicine given to patients seeking to end their smoking addiction. Chantix operates without using any nicotine and helps in getting smoke free but nowadays some negative reviews stating suicide attempts by chantix consumers have raised a question on its efficacy.http://www.chantixmagic.com

I don't know you, but I just found your blog by chance and it made my day!:-)BTW, great name, the Panopticon, I thought I would NEVER again in my life find anyone who even knew the word, after I left university!More Dolores, PLEEEEEEEASE!:-))Lígia in Lisboa, Portugal

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Delores, Hi!I was just reading about you and at the same time hearing that Hoxton Handmde's Electric Sheep is having a birthday and in need of a sheepish friend! Any chance of a surprise date? I am sure you would both get along just fine, you share the same sense of humour! How are you fixed with a passport and tickets for a trip to the UK? Or of course I guess it could be a virtual date?Caroline

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