Much has been made in the last couple of decades of Gordon Browns' prowess at school in running its' tuck shop.
NewsBiscuit special financial correspondent (schools and colleges) Chinstrap McGinty has been investigating that same tuck shop to find out what has happened in the last 50 years.
Our investigations found that all was not as rosy as the Labour spin doctors had inferred. Gordon had indeed set up a thriving sweet and under the counter contraband trade, profits were invested in other start-up ventures at around that time. It can now be revealed that some of that money was invested in Public-Private partnerships as well as other thriving British retailers.
Kircaldy High school tuck shop fund sold Its Asda stake to Wal-Mart in 1999 for £7.2 billion, this allowed the investment in the newly formed Google to go ahead. This coupled with the Oil fields purchased in the late 60's mean that the tuck shop assets now exceed £412 billion, though what is not reported is an outstanding debt of £12.67 for a missing box of twix's and an Alvin Stardust thong.
David Cameron's chequered school background is just as revealing, his drug taking punishment at Eton was limited to 500 lines in Latin and being grounded for several nights. This allowed David to work on his own tuck shop and estate agents. All profits have been ploughed in to buying every business in the UK that has the name Cameron in its' title. The turnover each year of this empire is in excess of £22 billion, however only a mere 95% goes back to the tuck shop.
Nick Clegg also had a change of mind after an early life of crime, since his conviction for arson in Germany he turned his hand to Eastern European regeneration, his deep involvement with Hungarian post communism renewal allowed him to buy several former Soviet oil and gas companies. He trades under the pseudonym Roman Abramovich and owns The Atlantic Ocean.
UKIP Leader Nigel Farage owns a string of gentleman's outfitters for men who dress to the right.He has also given much money to sick animals via Ladbrookes.