Archive for the ‘Dr. Gnarlhawk Sinclair’ Category

They say a good doctor can diagnose a patient just by watching how they walk into his office. What then can be said about Dr. Gnarlhawk Sinclair who – after stepping outside Daisingdale General Hospital to look for the disappeared Stockton Fortuna – has just witnessed the erratic passage of a low-flying jet of unfamiliar design, and thought that the pilot must be suffering from a memory-targeting affliction?

No doubt it would take the good doctor mere minutes, were he to meet Jack Schmeistingsneifer, to diagnose the rare condition double amnesia. The only cure for double amnesia is to administer sequentially two cures for regular amnesia – the first will restore the patient’s memory back to the moment they contracted single amnesia, the second will restore it in full. But the dangers are immense, to the patient as well as to those around him – for, unlike a single dose of amnesia, double amnesia is highly contagious… and fatal.

But Jack has a more immediate problem to worry about: The FX2 is hurtling towards Daisingdale airport with unabated speed, and he has no idea how to maneuver the plane. No doubt it would take some implausible, absurd convergence of unlikely circumstances to bring he and his passenger, Europa Fortuna, safely to the ground. Indeed it is probably fair to assume that they both will perish, so we turn our attention elsewhere…

Easterson: “I heard you the first time Doctor, but what in blazes does it mean?”

Gnarlhawk: “Face blindness – I… I have trouble distinguishing one face from another. If the board found out about my condition they’d have my license… I’d have to go back to being a P.I. – and who’d hire a gumshoe who can’t tell one mugshot from another?”

Guinevere: “I’m curious Doctor-”

Gnarlhawk turns, and stares intently at the young woman before him.

Guinevere: “Can you even tell between a man and a woman?”

Gnarlhawk raises his eyes to look Guinevere in the face.

Gnarlhawk: “Uh… sure. From your… voice.”

Easterson: “There’s something I don’t understand Doctor… How could you possibly confuse me with Stockton Fortuna? The only comatosed man in this room in the bed over there.”

Easterson waves a hand vaguely in the directly of Stockton’s bed, not wasting energy to turn his head – why would he when that same energy might possibly be used to take advantage of the Doctor’s newly revealed medical condition?

Gnarlhawk: “Quite simple, Mr. de Butugenhausen. I may not know Stockton’s face, but I’ve seen his chart…. And as sure as my name’s Doctor Gnarlhawk Sinclair, he’s not in a coma.”

All eyes turn towards the bed, but Stockton is nowhere to be seen! Easterson splutters a shocked cough. Guinevere edges closer to the doctor and whispers in a helpful tone,

Gnarlhawk: “I’m so sorry about this Mr. Fortuna. I only hope you can for-”

Easterson: “What in blazes are you talking about man? I’m not Stockton Fortuna, I’m Easterson de Butugenhausen, and this is my adulteress wife Guinevere de Butugenhausen.”

The doctor is overwhelmed. He staggers back in a way that, if you saw an actor do it, you’d think it was good acting.

Gnarlhawk: “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t go on living a lie! I’m a prosopagnosiac! There I said it.”

For the first time since Easterson’s dramatic entrance, Guinevere makes eye contact with her husband. In that subtle mode of communication known only to husband and wife, even those plagued by crises and infidelity, they exchange a simple sentiment: what the hell?

Easterson: “You’ve crossed the wrong man Doctor. Her phone was on, and I heard everything.”

Guinevere stealthily checks her Sony Ericsson C702a and is shocked to see she made an inadvertant call to Easterson during her adult situation with Stockton. She looks between faux-comatosed Stockton, her husband Easterson, and the unknown doctor. The sordid love triangle, of which she had been a vertex, had just been extended to a 2d star-convex set – but neither the hapless doctor nor her rash husband were to be found in its kernel.

Before Gnarlhawk can respond Guinevere throws herself between the two men.

Guinevere: “Please don’t do this.”

Gnarlhawk: “No. He has to know. I can’t keep this secret any longer.”

Guinevere gasps, a noise which – fortunately – just manages to obscure Stockton’s own counfused expletive.

Earlier this week, Fortuna Favors the Bold readers were in for a treat when they met Daisingdale’s newest resident – Dr. Gnarlhawk Sinclair. A maverick iconoclast, debonair man-about-town and dedicated physician, Gnarlhawk has been an instant hit with fans, but long-time blogudrama enthusiasts may have realized that there’s more to the good doctor, than meets the eye. We sent Katy Zopf to find out more.

CH: You shouldn’t include ‘of course’ in those sort of declaratives dear. It’s patronizing to the listener. And short-lived is a relative term.

KZ: Well, again I can leave it out of the-

CH: No, please. You’ll learn this way. Yes, Gnarlhawk Sinclair P.I. M.D. was one of the first Web projects I worked on. It was another time, we had a certain naive enthusiasm about the possibilities of Web drama – this was before the term blogudrama even existed, you understand – every second word was hyperlinked to some convoluted subplot point. I remember, quite fondly, a remark from an ex-classmate of mine from Brown – where I graduated magna cum laude – he said that reading an average episode of Gnarlhawk was like trying to decipher Goethe’s original notes for the Urfaust. Ha ha ha!

KZ: ….So, the main character was a private detective and a doctor?

CH: I think that’s quite obvious from the title dear.

KZ: And what happened to the… Short. Lived. Site? Would you imagine that it’s total failure was the fault of anyone in particular?

CH: Indeed not. I’m sure the experience of ‘not getting it’ isn’t something completely alien to you dear. Any commenter worth his salt would conclude that the internet-viewing public, at that time, had not matured to the extent that a work like Gnarlhawk would find it’s readership.

KZ: No one read it?

CH: Many people read it.

KZ: But they didn’t… like it?

CH: They didn’t appreciate it… What say we move on to something more interesting?

KZ: I’m sure that’s what many of them were thinking at the time.

So there you have it – Dr. Gnarlhawk Sinclair, an exciting new character for FFtB readers, and a veteran of the world of blogudramas – the doctor will see you now 😉

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