Do Tell: Have You Ever Been Used?

I’ve been fortunate enough to build a strong group of friends over the years, but in the process, I’ve encountered my fair share of people who were only out for their own gain. Of course as I’ve gotten older, it’s rare that I find myself in the position of being used by someone, but I’d be lying if I said it’s never happened before. And it’s always an unpleasant realization. Have you ever realized that someone was using you?

My user met me on-line and quit their job in another state and came to live in my house with the agreement of helping with utilities and a monthly payment for boarding. For 13 months I never received that money, and when I asked for the utility payments I was told "it's my bill". I still can't believe the audacity to live in some-one's house for free and use their washer,dryer,hot water,stove, microwave, lights,garbage pick-up, Internet etc..and tell them "its your bill"!! On top of that they could not find a job, and used all of their retirement savings to write checks for only their own bills. Then there were food stamps they got, and according to them, because they were contributing food, I should buy all the dry goods! I was already paying a mortgage,car payment,all the utilities, and the food stamps were only $200 per month which made my share about $25 per week. It cost me over $80 a week just for dog food and cleaning supplies. To this day this person continues to have this mentality. They have moved out, but only after my car was repossessed and now I may loose my home. They are still mooching off of others to make ends meet at their new apartment (with tennis courts and swimming pools and all the goodies). I was left with no transportation, and this person who claimed to "love" me has not seen me at all so far in December. I can't even get around to shop for Christmas. It's a hard lesson when you really fall for someone, to learn they are only interested in what you can do for "them", and when you need them, they disappear!

5 years

Kelleher I know your story all to well.

5 years

Yes...in fact, I'm trying to figure out how to get said user out of my life right now. The user - a man - used all of his considerable charm to get me to like him more than he liked me last fall, but it turns out that he was trying to reel me in so that I could help his career -- - he's the kind of person who just wants people to make him their first priority, but only in a way that works for him, and certainly not to reciprocate and make you his first priority. Well, long story short, his incessant efforts to get me to put him first worked too well, and once he figured out my feelings for him had gone beyond friendship, he started to blame me for having these feelings, denying that he ever did anything to encourage them - and ever since then he's been playing a game of push me/pull you, reeling me in when he needs me - which is constant because he's the neediest person you've ever met - and then pushing me away when he finds something better. And it took me until this week to figure out that this guy has been using me all along for for professional reasons and because I'm way ahead of him on a career track that he is also on.
The kicker? He's been sleeping with a real twinkie for the past two months and tells me that she'd do anything for him - but also admits that he's not in love with her and he continues to meet women he finds more attractive than her in bars and to friend them on Facebook so that he can keep the option open. So he's taken his user behavior to a whole new level.
I should consider myself lucky that he didn't want me in that way. But right now I'm just angry that I didn't see through the fact that this man is a user through and through from the very beginning. My (smarter) friends saw it and warned me, even some of his friends were kind enough to gently warn me. And I plowed right ahead, saying that he was a good friend, wishing he were more, and keeping my eyes closed to who he truly is.
And right now I'm just so angry at myself for being that weak.

YES YES YES. it's really upsetting when this happens too. the first time that i lived in nyc - i had this group of friends that i grew up with in NJ that would come and visit me every weekend in the city and stay at my apartment, so i made a copy of keys for them so they didn't have to wait for me all the time. then we would go to bars where my friends worked and that meant that we could get in and drink for free/less money. it got to the point where if there were nights/weeks that i wasn't necessarily into going out, they would get mad at me and not talk to me for a while cause it meant that they couldn't go out cause they weren't willing to pay for things on their own. it was really hurtful that i didn't tell them when i was moving to Florida and i haven't spoken to them since i moved back to NYC.

I have always had a way of attracting the users, I figured myself out at about age 30-lol-I love to give, and users love to take. By the time I would come to suspect that I was being used, I would be in love and didn't care if I was being used enough to actually leave (would just cause fights about it till they left me lol, this happened a few times) or I felt like I had invested so much into the person that I had to see them succseed despite themselves. Oh how I have muddied the path of goodwill. Now I can see a user a mile away and I no longer help people who don't help themselves, if I help them a 'coupla times and realize they are never gonna help themselves, and just keep on asking me, I back away from the person. Even my family cannot get me to aid them in being losers anymore...

"the worst kind for me is someone using you to feed off ur energy and the way you raise their spirits up constantly and then kinda just leave after they are done"
Agreed. Especially when you need them in your time and they manage to avoid the situation but have no issue calling you up at three in the morning to moan about their man. Part of it was my fault since once I realised she was a user I didn't drop her, but I really liked her family, lol. And the thing is, I don't think she knows she was using me, in her mind I was/am her best friend and I'm there to deal with eher issues and better her, which i wouldn't have a problem with if she would do that same for me.

"the worst kind for me is someone using you to feed off ur energy and the way you raise their spirits up constantly and then kinda just leave after they are done"Agreed. Especially when you need them in your time and they manage to avoid the situation but have no issue calling you up at three in the morning to moan about their man. Part of it was my fault since once I realised she was a user I didn't drop her, but I really liked her family, lol. And the thing is, I don't think she knows she was using me, in her mind I was/am her best friend and I'm there to deal with eher issues and better her, which i wouldn't have a problem with if she would do that same for me.

"the worst kind for me is someone using you to feed off ur energy and the way you raise their spirits up constantly and then kinda just leave after they are done"
Agreed. Especially when you need them in your time and they manage to avoid the situation but have no issue calling you up at three in the morning to moan about their man. Part of it was my fault since once I realised she was a user I didn't drop her, but I really liked her family, lol. And the thing is, I don't think she knows she was using me, in her mind I was/am her best friend and I'm there to deal with eher issues and better her, which i wouldn't have a problem with if she would do that same for me.

yes.
i cried for days when i found out.
my first boyfriend was using me to do his homework/pay for shit/pretty much help him any way i could,
meanwhile he was lying to me and smoking pot every night.
i was dumb in high school

yes.i cried for days when i found out.my first boyfriend was using me to do his homework/pay for shit/pretty much help him any way i could, meanwhile he was lying to me and smoking pot every night.i was dumb in high school

Ab!solutely... There isn't enough time in the day to tell the story. But I can say that a certain person(cretin) has caused my life's stories and antidotes to show up in the darnedest places for his and his friends personal gain...financial and awards. If I saw him today I could burn off his hair with my glare alone I despise him so much. Imagine someone stealing your diary and publishing it as his own...now offering to help you publish it...just flat out stealing it. Augh!

Yes...by the same person too..I dont think its always in the physical sense either..the worst kind for me is someone using you to feed off ur energy and the way you raise their spirits up constantly and then kinda just leave after they are done..hmm i feel like i may have just gone off on a tangent there..lol..maybe not..errr its 3 oclock..so its babbling time :P