Sorry for crapping in your thread with that drawn out mess. i was trying my hand at writing and couldnt resist. using an actual event and putting in it more of a writers perspective, for myself mainly or for anyone else that wanted to attack it. i kind of colored in the events in a rather pretentious and overly sarcastic fashion and i kept going! made a bad episode sound more interesting.

Mar 13th, 2009 08:47 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

My friend Jimmy:

When you were little you used to throw snowballs at people. Sometimes at cars. Sometimes if you were a jerk you would throw iceballs. Jimmy decided to throw a brick with snow packed around it through a bus window that was driving by. It went through the window and hit the bus driver's head later killing him. Jimmy and his friend ran. I guess one isn't so funny

A few years later I read in the paper that my friends brother was shot and killed. Silly Billy is Jimmy's brother. Billy was really upset and I thought Jimmy had perished. Five years later they both come walking into my cousin's house one day. I freaked out really bad because I though Jimmy died. Turned out they had another half-brother I didn't know about.

I asked Jimmy where he was all this time. He ended up moving to Florida and working oddjobs and at a carnival. While there he was working the bumper cars and someone was electrocuted because of his negligence. This one isn't good either.

Mar 13th, 2009 10:58 AM

Alive

I tried to keep better than shady friends, but we had our share of hard ass's to deal with growing up. even the police were afraid to do anything about some of the stuff that would happen on the weekends.

I remember one night being stuck at burger king in the back part of the dining area where the only exit was a fire door. after ordering our food we tucked around the corner into the dining area seeking out the furthest back booth. this was quite a while ago before they updated a lot of there stores. as we sat waiting on our order with a little plastic number in our hands (they did it that way back then) sure enough what comes walking past the window from the street heading inside is none other than our beloved local mensa club chapter members..

I almost, but refrained from posting some of there lovlier last names here that would almost certainly describe them to a tee without further description (you couldnt make these names up in a book) just in case somebody reads this somewhere and they know who they are.

We got our food and commenced pretending to eat, while actually creating a path to some of the most horrible indegestion in anticapation of the events that were about to unfold.

Honestly i wont go into great detail about what happened here but they ended up destroying the mens restroom by pulling the light fixture down from the ceiling to eye level (hanging by its wires) breaking the sink somehow to where water was leaking out from underneath the door out into the dining area, just creating an un-beleivable mess much to the horror of the equally scared and boneless staff.

All this while we continued to sit there in total horror pretending to be cool with them, and i could sense with atleast one of them that it wasnt working out very well nor was going to last much longer. as our window of temporary acceptance and tolerance with our new found friends began to close, we looked at each other in acknowledgment that, yes we were done eating, it was good, were full, you want to go now?

Our eyes met in unison over the fact that the fire door behind us was our most probable escape, screw the alarm. by that time we were communicating via esp and would most certainly be happier having to deal with the fire department than have to deal with these guys. so we bolted.

Alls i remember was the cool night air drying the sweat beads from my face and hair and the un-deniable sense of freedom as we left the warm ashpalt of the parking lot, past the stinking dumpster and began a facial flogging detour out thru the woods. yeah we left our friends car behind even (of course hoping they wouldnt do anything to it) honestly i dont even remember a fire alarm going off.

What do you do in a community where the familys to these guys own most of it? like the liquer/party store, the shipping/distributing company, two of the towns mobile gas stations and towing? the police get there pay checks from some where and the business's were well respected.

But im glad im much older and out of there now. i think most of that activity ended soon after due to one of them killing somebody and it all being dragged out into the open.

Mar 13th, 2009 12:56 AM

kahljorn

He probably sucked your thumb afterward and made moves towards your dick. he prolly didnt even stab you on purpose it was prolly accidental

and who tries to hit somebody with a 4x4 anyway they are so slow its almost impossible. it prolly wasnt even actually a stabbing it was probably just a splinter and you guys dramatized it so you could wear sun glasses and thumb gauze.

Mar 12th, 2009 09:18 PM

Archduke Tips

In college, I took a swing at my roommate with a 4 by 4 because he kept throwing a knife at my TV. He stabbed me in the thumb.

Man up your stories. Fags.

Mar 11th, 2009 10:47 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

Justin's mom had a white crown vic so he went to RadioShack and bought a megaphone and a police light for the top of the car. He pulled over some kid with the megaphone. So the kid pulled over. Then Justin drove by calling him a dumb fuck.

Mar 10th, 2009 09:31 AM

executioneer

i'm not friends with these kinds of people

Mar 9th, 2009 04:17 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

Ah memories

Paul and our friend Dave were rollerblading on a hill behinds the Bills stadium. Paul went to use a port a potty. Dave jammed the lock from the outside and pushed him down a hill into a crick.

Mar 9th, 2009 04:08 AM

kahljorn

FINE ILL TELL SOME FAGGOT STORIES. ON MY NINTEENTH BIRTHDAY:
My friends and I were lookin to get stoned so we went to somebodies house and they weren't there EVEN THOUGH THEY SAID THEY WOULD BE. We were kinda drunk ;o anyway i had a feeling the back door would be unlocked so we snuck into th ebackyard and entered through a sliding glass door. We were snooping around the house looking for drugs, and the fat guy of the bunch naturally had to go steal some girls panties, but my other friend and I found a big bottle of wine and a locked liquor cabnet.
IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I WAS WEARING BOOTS so i kicked the glass part of the cabnet, broke it and reached in and unlocked the little locking thing and we grabbed as much booze as we could carry (good thing some of us had belts) and went back to my parents house (who i wasnt living with) to borrow a backpack from my sister. IT WAS PURPLE.

then we went to a park where we liked to get fucked up at and stashed some of t he booze that didnt fit into the backpack. There were some people getting stoned there and they were staring at us so we asked them if they'd like to trade some booze for pot. They got all retarded and afraid and ended up driving off.
Some other assholes who my fat friend knew came by and he ended up kicking their car and spitting on them while they drove off screaminga t us.
Then the guy who was getting stoned came back with a friend holding a baseball bat, and they started trying to pick a fight with us. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MY FRIEND HOLMES" stupid shit like that. We told them we just wanted to trade some booze f or a few rips. one of the assholes PULLS UP HIS SHIRT and he has a "gun" and hes all, "WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THE BAG" "GIVE IT TO US" and we said no and lol the gun said REPLICA ON THE SIDE HAHAHAHAHAHA whatever. So then they tried to talk some more shit but it didnt work and they ended up giving us some weed for half a bottle of wine ;\

best birthday ever.

oh yea and the fat guy was wearing the panties on his head at certain key moments ;\ dunno how i forgot that. NOT SO MUCH HILARIOUS ON HIS PART AS HILARIOUS FROM OUR ANGLE

Mar 7th, 2009 08:14 PM

WhiteRat

I was about 16 and at a friends house celebrating a yearly party of booze and drugs called Rickstock (his dad Rick threw one hell of a bash). High and quite drunk, I decided to chill out and look at the stars by laying on the trunk of my car. My wasted friend Joe comes up to me and says he's going to piss on my shoes. I laugh, not believing him, and continue to stare at the sky when suddenly I feel my feet getting warm and quite wet. I shoot up and the mother fucker is pissing all over my feet, laughing his ass off.

A few years later this same guy kicked out his windshield in his new S-10 because someone took his keys so he wouldn't drive drunk. He ended up riding a mountain bike home almost 4 miles.

Mar 7th, 2009 07:49 PM

10,000 Volt Ghost

My friend and I were 16 at the time. Paul was 17. We were going to sneak into a movie and meet him in. Paul botched it, we tried sneaking in and got thrown out in the Buffalo winter at 11:00pm, 3* weather. My friend asked if he could at least tell Paul we were leaving so he could drive us home, Paul said he paid for the movie so he stayed in the theater to watch it until 1:30am. This is why Paul got gummy bears and root bear in his gas tank that night.

Mar 7th, 2009 07:09 PM

TheBigMan045

We were in my mates garage, when Dale went outside to piss, comes back laughing saying how he pissed on my doorhandle of my car, but he looks like a sheep so meh

Mar 7th, 2009 01:19 PM

Cedar

this is not hilarious.

Mar 6th, 2009 11:47 PM

Babs

I know a Mexican who was turned into a troll and tells jokes.

Mar 6th, 2009 11:39 PM

Tadao

I know a Mexican who tells jokes.

Mar 6th, 2009 11:27 PM

Big McLargehuge

This one time i was hanging with the dudes and we drank beer.

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