Separation Anxiety

by farrahdomid

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. That’s why I’ve been asking you these questions. I feel you getting more and more distant and getting cold on me and it’s like you’re slipping away and I’m trying to catch you..I’m trying to pull you back in…it feels like each day that goes by, you fall out of love with me. I’ve been chasing you so much and I’ve been telling myself that I’m going to fight for you because you’re my woman and I love you so much and want you more than anything, but I can’t. I sit in my bed and tell myself not to go kiss you and it works for an hour or two, but eventually, I go and kiss you and it’s disappointing because the way you kiss me has changed. It doesn’t feel like you want it. I told myself that Im the true love of your life and that we can survive this and that were unbreakable and that you’ll find your way back home to me but I’m not seeing that anymore. I’m seeing that you really just want to be friends. That this is how you’ve felt for a long time. That you possibly fell out of love with me awhile ago. I’m going to stop making advances at you and stop kissing you. If you want to be friends then that’s what we will be. I want you and I want to hold you and touch you and kiss you and effect you, but I don’t…&I can’t..I don’t phase you anymore. I’m not going to move on because I’m really not ready to, but I will eventually and so will you. It will be hard or weird and we probably won’t be able to talk about it, but I’m sure we’ll be fine. What we had to me was real and I would do it all over again because you were it for me and you made me happy. It feels like I’m in rehab right now. Like Im going through withdrawal from a drug. You were and are and will always be my drug. I will always love you. I’m going away in September for the wedding and I keep imagining how it’s going to be and I keep wishing that you miss me in that way and that you say sweet things to me and that you call me baby again…I long to hear you call me that again…but feeling this way makes me feel pathetic when I see that I’m the furthest thing from your mind. It’s been two long months without you and it’s been hard watching you and not being able to have you, but if you’re breezing through life then so can I. Awhile ago you said that we can’t be together because it’s bad and all I’ve been thinking is that it can’t be bad because it feels so right. We feel right. We make sense. Perhaps that feeling is only on my end, but we did feel right. I can only hope that you’re not running from this because you’re afraid.