Tears of a Crocodile

I shed crocodile tears
Not even sad when they appear
Then a daydream of a movie, I acted and directed
A beautiful scene, beyond what was expected
They killed my characters wife
They killed my wife
I spoke to the butcher expected to let him know
The dark seeds of violence that he did sow
But then it turned real soliloquy spoken
Mind revealing what was hidden from me
Because it wasn’t the characters family that died
Instead it was mine, a child unnamed and wife unsaved
I was at work yet I let them flow
I thought I hid them good, so no one knew
Yet I realized the crocodile tears turned true

Why? Why did I see you?
It struck me out of the blue
You! You! It had to be you!
My heart’s fire died like a small lantern in a flood
I saw us, how happy we were
Even though up to this point we never were
I’m still not ready to say I love you
Yet suddenly in my head I was screaming I do
The very thought of being close to you
Yearning to feel some of your love to
I want to be the reason for your smile
Yet I lie to myself that it is tears of a crocodile

In this Daydream of a Daydream
That was so real, to real it seems
I could hold you, console you, make all right
And the you were dead in my arms
The warmth became a void
No just empty but draining inside
Inside my heart it tried to spread
So I tried to change it and it was me instead
So I was six feet under, soul asunder
I would demand eternity in hell no mater my good
Because that is what I deserved for leaving you
Because even now you are better than a dream

Inability to reach out to you is breaking my hearts strings
I hold it in until I can truly call out to you
But I know this may be a delusion too
But this void is not dying
And the only warmth seems to be thoughts of you
I think I love you, but know I shouldn’t
That all I want and need is you, but I can’t
For without you, in my arms I feel like nothing
You are nothing, yet are my everything
A beautiful void feeding what is in my heart
I feared these feelings and tried to fight it
But like these tears at work they slip through
No sobbing, just longing
Tears of a crocodile streaming down my face