The cost of Oceans

Final weekend numbers are in, and Disneynature’s second release, Oceans, has so far taken in only about $14 million domestically. “Those numbers may sound bad considering that the film cost $80 to make,” said Disney accounting consultant and part-time maintenance worker Mannie “Money” Moonie. “But you have to remember that their first film Earth only grossed $32 million, so Oceans was only expected to gross $22 million since Oceans is 70% of Earth. So really, it’s not far under expectations, and it’s only been out two weeks.”

Still, it would be nice if the films in this series were more financially successful. That’s why the narration of the series’ third film, African Lolcats, is being written with a more modern, hip tone, to appeal to a broader audience. From a psionically delivered Disney press release on the subject: “African Lolcats will combine dramatic, never-before-seen footage of big African cats with information that will appeal to Internet-age sensibilities. This is ‘I can has cheeseburger’ pumped up to the level of ‘Iz can chase down, killz, an devower antelopeburger.’ Jim Carrey is all set to narrate. We have one of Siegfried and Roy’s white tigers set to play Ceiling Cat, and a team in Latin America is attempting to get footage of Basement Panther.”

The big problem for the third film has to do with great white sharks eating seals. “They were a big hit in the first two films, but we’re having trouble finding somewhere in the Africa savanna to film them for the third.”

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