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ok, this question's for me

im totally scatter brained. all the time. i feel like i cannot do more than 1 thing and when i try to, i get easily overwhelmed and forget things constantly. could it be hormones? it's really starting to effect my life, i get mad easily because of it and i hate feeling like this.

i will talk to my OB, but i also don't trust him, he was a great pregnancy DR but not PP doctor. i need to find a new one who actually cares and i don't think he will care about this.

Re: ok, this question's for me

Re: ok, this question's for me

I used to have a brain. I was excellent at school and had a good career. Now, I feel like it's gone. Although I never lost my car keys before I was pregnant, now I am loosing them like every other week. My friend lives on the 4th floor of a condo, and he said he was putting in a hot tub. I thought he was joking, but a couple weeks later he said it again. I asked if it would disturb the downstairs neighbor. I actually thought they were digging a hole on the balcony and putting it in ground. As it turns out, it is above ground so everyone got a good laugh.

My husband tells me my brain should come back eventually, when the kids are out of the house. I think it's normal to lose it when the kids are young.

Re: ok, this question's for me

I used to remember EVERYTHING. I never needed a shopping list, always sent birthday cards, never wrote down phone numbers, everything stuck like glue. Starting the minute I got pregnant, I felt my IQ drop about 50 points, at least. I thought it would improve after she was born 8 months ago, but if anything, it's gotten worse. I spend a lot of time at work kind of staring at people when they're talking to me trying desperately to concentrate on what the heck they're talking about. Last night, for some reason I was trying to think of a word (now I can't remember what it was, but it was a really simple word, like "doorknob" or something). I spent about 10 minutes trying to come up with it.

I'm always doing little mental inventories. Like when I leave a store, I always check to make sure I have everything: Bags, check. Wallet, check. Baby, check.

On the bright side, my husband thinks my sense of humor has gotten really sharp, but really I just say bizarre things that make sense in my head and when they come out they sound really strange. I haven't told him yet that none of my great one liners are intentional because he gets such a kick out of them!

Re: ok, this question's for me

You are a very busy mama, Valerie. You have a two year old and an infant! What do you think would help to lighten your load?

Are there certain things that make you feel particularly angry or overwhelmed?

Motherhood is *the hardest* thing you will ever do in your life. You are raising adults; you are teaching your child the foundation by which he will live his life as an adult, and we all want to do the very best we can!

I found that with one child, things were ok; I was really still in "control" of the house, of when I went shopping, when the laundry got done, etc. Now, though, it's a totally different story. It can be hard for me not to get anal about the way the house looks, or the way the kids' bathroom looks , expecially when I know my dh would prefer to bring folks over at the drop of a hat.

But you know what? It ain't gonna happen. I have *kids.* I had to do a very primary shift in my thinking, as did my dh. The most important thing to us now is that they are healthy; they are loved; they are clean, and we are all *happy.* The dust under the refrigerator is going to accumulate again; so is the dust on the ceiling fans and the lights. The basics are clean; the kids are clean, the floors stay as clean as they can be with kids, their clothes are clean. And they are loved.

Like the others, I have taken to writing lists. On days when I am particulary crunched for time or have a lot on my plate, I make lists. Shopping lists, to-do-lists, etc. Sometimes, I write down changing diapers and feeding the baby on there too, so at the end of the day, I'll have something crossed off. It's not that I haven't done "anything;" it's just that maybe I didn't accomplish what I (or someone else) wanted to. I have to let it go and focus on what I did accomplish today. Supporting the survival of two children is a pretty big deal, I think.

Do you have a good network of support, Valerie? Do you have LLL meetings you can get to? Sometimes, just venting to other nursing mothers, who know you love your kids and wouldn't have it any other way (and are not trying to change you or to pressure you into weaning) can be really surprisingly uplifting.

I also find that when I am especially tired, I am more irritable and tend to feel more overwhelmed, like I just can't seem to get much done. (which, in reality, may the case, but usually when I am rested it doesn't bother me)

Wear your baby in a sling so you can get things done around the house, if that will help you. Take a nap before you go to bed! (have your partner watch the kids while you get an hour) Sometimes, that little bit can make a world of difference!

And above all, please don't feel alone- you are not. Seek out the support you need. You are doing the most difficult job on earth, and you are exactly the mother your children need. Give yourself a break if you need it. Hopefully if you are able to identify specific triggers, you can work on addressing those and end up feeling a whole lot better soon!

Re: ok, this question's for me

I've been told that mommy brain is worse then pregnancy brain, and it's so true! If you're not sleeping well, then it will make it worse. You will probably have to adjust how you do things to help you remember better. Make sure to write things down on a note pad that you will always see - like on the refridgerator or near the computer.

Re: ok, this question's for me

Hey Valerie,

Just another post to let you know you are not alone. I too have had a hard time adjusting to having a second child. My first is almost 3 1/2 and my second is 11 months. I'm finally now managing to "find my groove" so to speak, but until now I found myself angry alot too. For me it was partly PPD and partly frustration with my 3 year old acting out... he seemed to skip the so-called "terrible twos", but 3 has been truely difficult. I found it helped to take some time for myself after dh got home. We'd have dinner, then i'd go and take a long shower or just lock myself in the bedroom with a book. At any rate, the rule was noone bothers mommy for a half an hour. We have to set a timer so my older son knows when he can go find me. It helped soooooo much to get that time to relax. The second thing I did was start a "mommy and Jake outing" on the weekends. I would take my older son and do something with just him. It has been great. My dh gets time to bond with our baby and I get time to enjoy being with Jake rather than constantly reprimanding him and getting frustrated. It's been nice for Jake to feel special again too. At first our outings were no longer than an hour as my baby nursed very frequently, but as he's gotten older and started on solids, I can stay away longer periods. And lastly, seek support through an LLL meeting or some other new parents group. Remember the old saying, "misery likes company", well it helps to talk with others who've been there and understand. Take care of yourself!

Re: ok, this question's for me

Isn't it funny that in the section of the pregnancy books where they tell you how much of the weight lost at birth is baby, how much is water, how much is placenta, etc., they always fail to tell you about the 3 pounds of gray matter?? I feel the same way. I was an honor student once. I have a college degree in a file folder somewhere, I promise. But I can't remember anything and can't stay organized to save my life. I have had friends and mental health professionals tell me that it's quite normal for mothers of young children to feel scatterbrained because they are responsible for all their kids' needs in addition to their own. You have to take on the most basic responsibilities for someone else, or several someones: bathroom, food, safety, the whole nine yards. That can be taxing. I have felt extra dingy for the past 7 years and long for the return of my intellectual faculties. In my heart, though, I know that the day will come too soon when I no longer have responsibility for all the needs of my family, so I try to put up with the chaos as best I can. Thanks so much for letting me know I am not alone!

Re: ok, this question's for me

I joke that I am a grey matter donator!! Each child has sucked a bit more!! My husband talks of more children and I tease him that it might be at the risk of putting me in the Alzheimers ward. I think there is just always so much on my mind that if it does not scream and pull on my leg it can consider it's self forgotten.