Krusty Burger to offer 50 cent steaks

"Buy them fresh from the truck, fast frozen or cooked to perfection, our steaks are 100% cruelty free," said spokesman Herschel Schmoikel Krustofski.

Asked how choice cuts of steak can be cruelty free, the clown responded, "They're pharmed not farmed."

"We grow our steaks in huge sheets in the lab," said Krustofski. "We're making a killing not killing! Hey hey!"

Animal rights activists are undecided on the issue. Conservatives demand that stem cell and cloning research cease and desist while liberals demand the process to replace animals with biofood alternatives becomes law.

"If there ever was such a thing as Soilant Orange," pondered a PETA spokeswoman, "laboratory production is the new Green meat."