Carlos Kickaball explains why he wants away...

“I woke up in the middle of the night and decided I needed a camel. Right there, right then. I rang the chairman, made my demand, and the camel was delivered to my home within an hour. But - and you’re not going to believe this - the camel had two humps. And I asked for a camel with one hump. Outrageous. I am surrounded by liars and fools. I told the chairman straight: never before in my playing career have I been disrespected like this. I’m only on £200,000 a week, so I told him to tear up my contract. It’s time I moved to a club where my talents are fully appreciated... where a simple demand for a dromedary camel at 3am can be met without delay”...