Category Archives: Abuse

I am not the emotional type and I read and watch the news all of the time without being affected in any kind of way personally. I hear others say though that they don’t even like to indulge in the media anymore because of the horrific things that are continuously taking place and that they sometimes even cry.

I know that things like this go on all of the time, however, this is really too ridiculous and out of hand how I just read last weekend that some real sick individual beat (broke every bone in the body), hung (tied it to a tree), and then shot (with a BB gun) a helpless 4 month old puppy out in a public area.

It literally brought a few tears to my eyes and that is rare for me.

Whereas I don’t feel for people in general I do and have always felt for certain puppies and dogs and those that bring vicious and unwarranted harm to these innocent and precious animals need to die a brutal and torturous death themselves.

When I finally left Toy R Us back in May of this year as I told a representative at the corporate office that I wanted to resign I had already had another job working at Burlington Coat Factory.

When I got hired at Burlington it wasn’t for the position that I had initially applied for (just like at Toys R Us nobody really wanted to do that job) the desperate bitch manager named Ruth explained to me that she was going to put me in the fitting room to work because none of the other previous fitting room attendants were able to meet audit for an entire year so I was suppose to be the new slave to put to the test and use? I don’t think so!

I wasn’t like the other worthless trashy flunky bitches (Marilyn Bartnick, Johanna Jackson and Latima Hall) that needed to be there. And I am darn sure not anybody’s ass kisser. All three of those inferior bitches tried to start trouble with me yet I ignored them as Ruth had stated “LaToya, your working with a bunch of women, just keep your mouth shut”.

I do understand that “average” jealous women do get catty and petty but not “real” women-“classy women” of intelligence and purpose don’t have time for nonsense. All we care about is being happy and taking great care of ourselves and optimistically preparing different things for our pleasant futures.

Johanna got mad because I expressed to Marilyn how I caught her sad and obvious attempt to sabotage my work-not that working in a fitting room is serious duty-however to people of that nature they don’t know what real work is so Johanna failed at her intention to make me look incompetent at a job that I was far overqualified for.

It reminded me of when I was one of the top workers at Sears about five years ago and after having working there for four years straight a few envious employees tried to mess up my work to get me into trouble, little did the stupid asses know that there were hidden cameras back there in the storage room where I was in charge of, and they were the ones that the head manager penalized. They had to clean up everything that they had intentionally unorganized.

Ruth told me that she knew I was doing everything that I was suppose to do (because she claimed she could see from afar, hidden cameras I assumed, because security also claimed that they knew everything going on within the area too) but that I just needed to speed up on my task of overloaded volumes of clothing that were being returned back to the store on a day to day basis and at the same time organize clothes to go back onto the sales floor while cleaning out and up after the fitting room as customers were nasty and constantly stacking up extra clothing. She wanted me to do all that shit within a short time every day so that she could make audit and take credit? That bitch must have been out of her fucking mind!

The real truth of it all is that they were always backed up due to the fact that they were too cheap to hire other people to fill out other positions I had heard other employees complaining of the excess areas of work that were being stacked upon them (one person bombarded with the impossible unless one was going to fuck up the work just to get it done within a hurry).

Latima, a literally bald headed bitch with no hair that was barely on the scalp, had the nerve to come to work with a thick long weave the next day after sporting her natural no hair style. This girl is so hideous looking as those are usually the ones to start conflict and she knew that she was ugly because she’d come to work with globs of make up on and still looked bad she got mad at me for doing work that another employee told me to do that she claimed she was going to do then accused me of lying about being told by the other worker to do so.

It was all a set up, silly shit that I ignored, and she made a scene because I would not give her the reaction that she was looking for I never understood why trash thought people should fear them they need to get off of their insecurities as they are absolutely nothing to fear. A customer was even disgusted by her and told me to report her as she was so unprofessional.

The next day Latima didn’t come into work so I told the woman named Karen who was in on the lie that “I come here to work and not for no bullshit” then she got scared and started kissing my ass because she knew she was guilty.

The day after that Ruth calls me into her office because she was disappointed because after a little over a month employed there I wasn’t being the flunky that she hoped and planned that I would be by working me like a damn dog and getting me to do what she wanted when she wanted and said to me “If you don’t speed it up in two more weeks then you’re out the door”.

I said to her, “Will you give me another position in the store since things are not happening fast enough for you?”

“No”, Ruth said.

“I’m leaving now because I’m an excellent worker”, I told her as I refuse to let anyone control me by threats of any kind just to keep a job. I can find work anywhere unlike the others that she had stranded there and wrapped around her finger.

“Okay”, Ruth got mad and said. “I’m going to terminate you out the system right now”. However she lied because she didn’t terminate me right then and there. She hadn’t expected me to come out with what I did. I have too much self esteem and self confidence to stay and tolerate bullshit-she thought she was a bitch-she didn’t know me very well because I can ultimately be the definition of a real bitch!

Instead of actually terminating me within the system I received a new hire benefits bullshit sent to my email later that day:

She thought I would call and ask if I could come back, however, I didn’t want to. Then the next week I was sent this notice about me “abandoning my job” when I clearly had quit a week before and when I phoned up Ruth to question her about this message she claimed to know nothing about it (the email sent to me) asking me did it come from another Burlington location I told that lying bitch that I had never worked at another Burlington location Why do people lie when they get caught or when they can’t get over especially when another has proof to back up their shit! I caught that bitch red-handed! I left her hanging and she got mad!:

This message contains blocked images.

This is a formal letter regarding your lack of attendance at work. As of the date of this today, you have failed to come to work for at least three consecutive shifts. We have made several attempts to contact you directly about this matter to no avail. These unexcused absences were not requested nor previously approved.

As we have no way of determining if you plan to return to work, we have no choice but to assume you have abandoned your position with us. Thus, in accordance with the company’s policy on attendance and job abandonment, we are accepting your resignation regarding your position effective as of 06/27/2017 .

If there are extenuating circumstances regarding this matter that you want us to know, you must notify your direct Supervisor/Manager immediately, but no later than 7 days from receipt of this letter. Otherwise, we will assume you accept the terms of this letter.

I remember sometime back in the mid nineties a discussion that I had over the telephone with an associate of mine. I call this person who was a female an associate because I was never quick to describe everyone who I dealt with as a friend.

I’ve known and have come across a lot of people within my lifetime and I never wanted to be just anyone’s pal or to even consider and accept everyone to be as a real or true good friend.

A lot of my associates were genuinely fond of me yet I was never the type to get too socially or too closely involved into the lives of others. I was always the independent soul. The private loner who did not care to be bothered very often. And many people in particular had to respect that fact whether they liked it or not.

There was nothing really that they could do about it anyhow because I was going to do what I wanted to do and I was going to be how I wanted to be!

What my associates loved about me the most was that they could put their trust in me. I was genuine. A person of good conversation, smart, and fun to be around.

I feel that the word “friend” is and has so often been a term that is too loosely used now and again.

True friends in general are hard to find and everybody does not deserve the true title that comes along with being a good one.

Anyway, I had known this girl since I was fourteen. We were both in our early twenties when we were having our chat over the phone. We never saw each other quite too often. It was just an occasional engagement whenever we would get into contact with one another from time to time. We were totally different in character. She was a wild child, I wasn’t.

Nevertheless, the vast difference in personality and within lifestyle never intervened into the relationship between I and certain others if we both had a strong connection to each other, or some other particular trait and characteristic that were similar and that we both liked about one another.

I never cared what other people did within their own personal life. It was purely about how they treated and reacted in regards to me as an individual.

One thing that I can honestly say about the people that have come in and out of my life is that no matter what they did or how they may have lived their lives they never ever once tried to influence me in any way when it came down to drugs, alcohol, and many of the other things that I never desired to do or to indulge in.

I mean, there are some who are always going to get those assholes who will come around by trying and endeavoring to manipulate one’s mind with their unscrupulous behaviors and their mischievous tactics in order to gain satisfaction through the degradation of attempting to drag another person down into their lowest of levels.

However, those types of degenerates are to just automatically be dismissed without further thought, but to only be recognized and remembered for the insight and experience of circumstances that are brought or gone through within our lifespan.

So as my associate and I went on with our talking and speaking about the specific and various topics regarding social issues, the world, and life altogether, we came upon the subject of how the male and female roles within our society are generally often bias.

The girl who’s name was Tiani stated “It all starts within the home”.

And though she did have a significant point as many do live what they grow up within and around I had another point of view to infer.

“Everybody who lived in my home either smoked or drank. My aunt and uncle did hard drugs. I never did any of those things”, I told her, imparting how society itself can lend a hand and also play a big part of the influencing when it came to the personal or psychological development within some people, and what may entice their perspectives and behavior.

“Well, everybody isn’t as strong as you are”, Tiani had told me back in return.

I never at all thought back then that in not being affected by the things that were going on around me had anything to do with strength. I hadn’t analyzed the concept or even gave it much thought because my mind did not think like the average human being.

To me, things of that nature seemed beneath the tides of strength because in my opinion I could not have even imagined being tempted do to something that I deemed as either disgusting, having no basis, or as serving no purpose.

My mother had verified though that not easily being influenced and not doing certain things that are considered unnecessary and negative to one’s state of existence indeed had to do with being strong within the mind.

I understand that smoking is a habit “to” and that it comes as a habit “for” a lot of people. A very nasty habit that appears to be very hard for many to conquer and to overcome. I do not at all personally knock anyone who likes to smoke or who just cannot help from smoking due to the addictive and hazardous effects of the nicotine as well as the tar (the toxic chemicals) and the other unhealthy additives.

Yet cigarette smoking is something that I hate to be around and something that I do not understand. To me it is such a silly act (inhaling then exhaling repulsive garbage and fumes) that contributes to the spoiling and to the ruining of one’s body, health, and well-being.

My grandmother was an alcoholic and a smoker and died from a form of lung cancer because her lifestyle made her vulnerable to the evils and negative energies and backlashes that were able to snuff out her life.

Never would I go out of this world in such a way.

A strong and healthy physical and spiritual constitution can miraculously maintain and sustain an individual through a serious ailment if they have taken good or excellent quality care of themselves for an long extension of time. They would be able to fight off and restrain any of the conditions that would normally affect or cause some major type of deterioration.

Aside from other relatives, I also know acquaintances who continue and who will continue to smoke regardless of the risks that it may cause to the quality of their lives. Even after the doctors had already told them that if they did not quit sometime soon there would be nothing that could be done for them medically (to prolong their life and to protect them from the certain drastic health problems) once a certain amount of time had passed over.

I can definitely understand carrying on with something that may bring a specific consequence or controversy out into the forefront through some particular fashion or by some celestial means as long as one truly and firmly believes in what is being held and is ultimately benefiting from what may be rewarded.

However, I do not comprehend the empty and worthless need to continue to smoke for the sake of self elimination.

Smoking as many of us know comes in a many of different types and forms. People have their own preferential choices and addictions. Some choose or have a weakness to smoke dope, crack, and/or to freebase (smoke cocaine).

Some also like to smoke “joints” (marijuana/weed) and blunts (hawaiian cess and so on).

Whether it is a addiction or just the indulgence in an casual “high” none of the behavior serves toward productivity, unless maybe when directed for the required medical purpose or use of particular herbs and other substances.

Nevertheless, whether banned within certain public areas, or currently still processed illegally, smoking is here to stay right now for the most part.

I bet if a lot of people could calculate just exactly how much money that they have spent over the years and throughout the decades on the numerous purchases on their packs of cigarettes they’d begin to realize how they would have accumulated a significant amount of wealth that could have been considered a fortune! Even if it was just a small one.

When some people first began and started out to smoke (a lot of the time mostly the younger crowd) they did it because they thought that it was cool or that it would make them appear to look cool.

What is so cool about blowing smoke?

Some people would even go buy and smoke substances because it was the “in” thing to do. Going along with the fads and trends of the times.

What is so cool about blowing away money?

Then there are some who even claim that a good smoke contributes to relaxation and brings a calming affect or a relief to the nerves.

What is so cool about blowing one’s life away?

To me, smoking anything for any reason is nothing more than what it actually is, and that is a bunch of “silly and messy ashes that result from being the victim of someone blowing off their hot calamitous air”. And I am not and never will be one to get caught up into the midst of that hazy and stinging fog!

When I watch television I can’t help but to notice how a lot of celebrities nowadays resort to having plastic surgery.

It is sad how displeased they are with their appearance. And so displeased that they are willing to go under the knife and waste thousands of dollars on lifts, rhinoplasties, breast implants and tummy tucks.

In my opinion many of them looked a lot better before the surgery. And many of them look a lot better without make up.

I could never imagine allowing a doctor to perform cosmetic surgery on me if the procedure was not necessary (even if it was necessary I’d be reluctant to do it).

I can understand the people with medical problems and those that have been in terrible accidents who may need plastic surgery for reconstruction purposes, but for those who purely do it for the sake of vanity is just ridiculous.

A lot of females in the african american community (as well as celebrities whether white or black) parade around wearing the most outrageous of weaves some of the hair pieces do look decent as they are created nicely and neatly but, then you have those particular weaves that really need to go. The ones with the crazy color combinations and the ones that are very wackily styled.

I knew a girl who would get a different weave done on her head every friday. It was some kind of sickness to me because she already had a nice grade of her own natural hair.

I think it would be much better and appropriate if women invested more time, energy, and money into maintaining their real heads of hair as opposed to buying that expensive fake hair.

It is not natural/real so why bother to wear it? Why are these women so obsessed with sporting long hair that is not theirs?

I knew another girl who would wear her weave in a big bun under a scarf to make it appear as if she had plenty of thick long hair underneath. Then turn around the next day revealing her short thin permed locks. She’d do it all of the time when her natural hair wasn’t fixed. Who was she fooling?

You have some women who go and put on so much make up that they look like a clown. What are they trying to cover up and why aren’t they comfortable in their own skin?

To me, there is nothing more beautiful than being natural. That is the best appearance. I do not and have never worn any weaves or make up, nor have I ever had the thought and desire to transform myself through any type of cosmetic surgery.

The body is precious and should not be tampered with. I love everything that I was born with and would not change a thing that would be totally insane!

It is very good to observe, question, talk about, and evaluate the many things that are going on in the world and around us.

By nature, I was always the type to thoroughly analyze and investigate. I was never easily influenced by anyone or anything simply due to something being laid out as fact or generalized as standard/normal, because I was very strong willed and had a very strong competent mind of my own.

As a female, I have experienced ridiculous bias that was foreign to me growing up. It was foreign because I never knew that I was supposed to be restricted in certain areas as far as my gender was concerned.

Society likes to dictate how a woman should be, act, think, and feel when the only way that I truly know how to conduct myself is naturally. And that is the same way that I will always continue to do. My character and disposition contradicts the stereotypical role and definition of a female. And no one will ever be able to stop or change me.

I’ve heard the most absurd things from assholes, including low scale women. “She’s too hard for a girl”.

I never knew as a woman that I was supposed to be weak! I had never been that way in my childhood or teenage years and certainly not in my adulthood.

“When a man say is how it goes”.

I never knew that a man’s words spit out gold and authority especially when he is not speaking truth! I have never heeded or been affected by anybody’s opinions or scolding that did not appeal or apply to me and my philosophies, whether they were male or female.

I know and am well aware that there are jealous/envious sick-minded people, and people who will always go around telling and spreading silly and vicious lies on others. This type of behavior goes on everyday and everywhere.

A rumor that I had found very strange about me is the one about my skin or face. Ever since I was a very young girl I have always been pretty and very attractive. I’ve had good skin and a nice grade of hair. And none of that is really important; however, it contradicts what my enemies were trying to do.

From my comprehension I believe that they wanted to give me a complex or a low self esteem, just another one of society’s ploys to keep a young and bright woman down by attempting to make her feel insecure about herself.

The biggest mistake that those in particular made is generalizing me. I am my own individual. And instead of playing into the obnoxious mind games, I learned from the ignorance of others. They showed the knowledge and the common sense that they lack, and the insecurities that they themselves actually have.

I have never ever had a skin problem yet my enemies had worked a black magic spell years ago for me to “breakout” then have people taunt me with lies. These stupid rumors went on for years with these chosen few sick people. And I never understood it.

Till this day I still do not understand it. When I was a teenager they tried to put in my head through black magic that I looked hideous and I never fell for it.

Beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder but I’ve never been an ugly person. And not that it matters-a lot of other people considered me to be pretty too. I have my own eyes. I can see myself for who and what I really am. What an insult to think that I would have been dumb and weak minded enough to not know better. Such stupid asses!

Why are and were they so hung up on my looks? I know why. A lot of guys were attracted to me and could not have their way with me because I had too much self love and confidence. Another reason why is that so many women have allowed themselves to be dogged out by men due to their own battles with low self esteem.

Everybody has their own motives for why they are sick and malicious and do what they do.

It all stemmed from jealousy, but my enemies all went about it the wrong way. If I ever did come to develop a skin problem such as acne it definitely would have not affected my self confidence. Things like that do not faze or bother me.

The most beautiful girls have breakouts due to allergies, their menstrual cycles or hormones and it is no big deal. I know that my hormones act up sometimes during my period. It is natural. I had to learn that I was rare in my thoughts about this matter. I realized that many people do associate a blemish, bump, or spots on the face with low self esteem and I think that is so sad.

There are people with clear skin who are as ugly as hell and they want to crack on attractive people with minor shit that holds no significance.

Only a true fool would ever come to the conclusion that I would feel bad or insecure about myself over breaking out with something. I always had a pretty face and complexion. I love the way that I look. I like my naturally oily skin that keeps me looking young in appearance. I like my slim/thin figure. I like myself.

This garbage is no different than a woman being regarded as a bitch or a slut, two other words that do not faze or bother me. And I’ve seen women go crazy over being called a “bitch”.

One lady acted as if she wanted to kill me over calling her one. I didn’t even mean it in the way that the rest of the world uses it. To me it was more of a way of saying “you asshole”.

The bottom line is that the world is a sick place full of good, mediocre, and evil people. There will always be those who will come along to try to break people’s strengths, play on their weaknesses if they have any, and destroy their spirits.

And sometimes it happens more so when you are a woman. Society loves to prey on and beat down women by bashing their reputations and physicality, coercing them into buying into submission and repression for meanness, power, selfishness, and personal gain.

There are individuals who will fall for the games and those who will not. And there will be those who will get confused.

I keep my ears and eyes open. I take everything in then sort it all out. I enjoy my life and my discoveries. It is a blessing to not get caught up in all of the nonsense.

This is definitely a world full of sick people. Some are born sick and some become sick. There are a number of reasons why certain people are emotionally scarred or mentally deranged, and incest is one of them.

Years ago, i heard about a neighbor who came out telling people on my block about how her sister was sleeping with one of their brothers. I personally know people who’ve had intercourse with their blood relatives. One of my aunts married a man who admitted to sleeping with his sister and brother.

I know a man who slept with his first cousin and fathered three children by her. I also know a man who told me as well as others, that his wife was sleeping with their own son. And, another aunt of mine’s lesbian lover claimed that she was raped by her father and supposedly conceived a child with him.

All of these people i’ve spoken of are deeply disturbed in one way or another. There are circumstances where some may have escaped the mental consequences through engaging in incest.

There are all types of people. But most who willingly continue to indulge in a sexual relationship with a blood relative are indeed sick and act out in precarious ways. That is why it is very important to find out a person’s background these days. So much is happening. Sometimes you can’t trust nobody, even the people you think you know!

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“My Voice” Weblog by miss latoya lawrence

Me, Myself And I -A Genuine Site Of My Experiences (Clairvoyance, Voodoo, Asexuality, People And A Many Of Other Issues) , Born With True Spiritual Insight, The Natural Ability To Write. I Express My Connection To The Universe. I Write About Any And Everything That Is Relevant To My Life And The Things Around Me. I Write About The Truth.

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