An Honest Mommy

Today was a pretty rough day. From kids having meltdowns most of the morning; fighting over the same toy even when a movie is playing while I am trying to get a shower in, to Addey just not listening to what I am saying and taking toys from the others, to Nora dropping a bottle of milk which spilled all over the kitchen table, chair, and floor while at the very same time Andrew pulled off his poopy diaper in the bathroom and made poop footprints near the toilet and afterward tried to dump is pee from his little toilet into the big toilet and spilling all over the toilet seat and floor - I feel like it has been just one of those days of constant discipline with a spray cleaner in my hand wherever I go. I know "This too shall pass", but I often think about how fast these moments are passing by and if I could, I'd slow it down a bit. Andrew said one of the sweetest prayers tonight - most of it was mumbling, but it was really cute, Nora fell asleep in my arms which hardly happens these days, and Addey was a good helper when we went to get groceries and she's trying so hard on her ABC's. Most days it feels like I'm trying to herd a bunch of cats in water (meaning they scatter every place other than where I want them to go) and evenings like tonight when the kids have finally surrendered to the beauty of sleep—I am truly tired. Nevertheless, I wouldn't trade this day for the world, because there were so many moments that revealed how selfish I really am and the degrees to which my heart is being refined by His holiness and grace. I’ll be honest. This morning I was frustrated and angry with very short fuse that burned too quick and I even told God a couple times “Lord, I hate today. I don’t like this morning and I am tired of these kids”, but now that darkness is outside my window – I regret the status my heart was in and I weep for God’s forgiveness. Yes, I was selfish, inpatient, and harsh toward God because in a weird way I wanted to wallow in this “miserable” day and complain.

My comforting remembrance is that Jesus is the greatest treasure to those who seek Him as such. Tonight I was thinking about the parables Jesus told in Matthew 13 of the hidden treasure and fine pearls and also John 4 with the Samaritan woman who ran back to the village to tell everyone in her town that Jesus was worth seeing. Coming home to God is as wonderful as finding that treasure and being touched with the hand of grace. Sometimes we have to dig before we find it, sometimes we have to look hard to see it and sometimes we have to give up what is precious to us to be with God—but He is worth it because He is our glorious treasure who takes away my faults and failures only to replace it with the love and holiness of who He is. I am glad that He is my Savior, because today, I sure needed Him.