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Give me fabulous or give me death.

2016 Venice Film Festival, Part 1

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

EMMA STONE at the La La Land premiere gown by Atelier Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo

First, a love letter to the Venice Film Festival: You’re the best. After the wasteland void of interesting fashion that was the VMAs, we earned some real red carpet goodness, and you brought it, as you always do. Venice is second only to Cannes on my list of favorite fashion events of the year. (The heyday of the Met Gala beats them both, but that’s been a little disappointing in recent years.) Thank you for being a friend, Venice Film Festival. Now, onto our queen:

Just a sparkly, artfully-shredded gown in an impossibly beautiful color and flattering silhouette would have been enough. But I think the (minimal) styling is the thing that pushes this into OH MY GOD I CAN’T STOP STARING IT’S SO PRETTY territory. Her brows have never looked better, the eye makeup pops perfectly with her dress, and the shoes were the perfect thing to pair with a skirt that already has a lot of shit going on. The piece de resistance: the world’s most elegant brass knuckles.

EMMA STONE at the La La Land photocall dress by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: X17 Online

Obsessed with the dress; not sure if the shoes make any sense at all.

EMMA STONE in Venice dress by Peter Pilotto, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: People Style Watch

This is the only thing anyone should be walking around Venice in. Assuming they can walk in heels. Also, I need burgundy shoes in my life right meow.

EMMA STONE at the La La Land after-party dress by Atelier Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Stefano Guindani/SGP

It’s a little stupid, but she’s got so much charm she makes it endearing. Also, Emma, you get one more chance to wear those shoes during this festival. Then I’m cutting you off.

And this is the magic of Emma Stone. Sure, she’ll wear Chanel on an airplane, but you bet your ass it’s going to be cozy and she sure as hell ain’t wearing heels with it. Praise you, Emma. You are all of us. Except you get to wear Chanel.

ALICIA VIKANDER at the The Light Between Oceans premiere gown by Louis Vuitton

Photo: Salerno Procopio/Splash News

Sometimes Alicia’s love for Louis Vuitton blinds her to how goddamn awkward some of those looks are. But I think this is a happy medium of Victorian weirdness and modern red carpet realness. Her general poise sells everything she wears much better than most mere mortals can, but I think this dress is strange in a good way, rather than being ugly for the sake of ugliness.

ALICIA VIKANDER at the The Light Between Oceans photocall dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Mansur Gavriel

Photo: Dominique Charriau/WireImage

To all the stars who said “fuck you” to wearing stilettos to daytime events: a nation of lazy women stand with you. For hours and hours we’ll stand, because we can, because we’re not wearing fucking stilettos.

DAKOTA FANNING at the Brimstone premiere gown by Miu Miu

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

I’ll keep drooling over this gown and pretend that whatever’s happening on top of Dakota’s head does not exist.

DAKOTA FANNING at a Miu Miu event dress and shoes by Miu Miu

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

Adorable. And if you harbored any doubts that the 90s weren’t back in a big way, those cranberry velvet platforms would prove you wrong. (Cranberry Velvet Platforms is now the name of my 90s cover band.)

DAKOTA FANNING in Venice

Photo: Simone Comi/IPA/Startraks

I have a well-documented history of loathing flatforms, but I think if there’s any place where these things work, it’s with this dress, on this girl.

AMY ADAMS at the Arrival premiere gown by Atelier Versace

Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Gorgeous. Her hair looks like it’s made of liquid rose gold.

AMY ADAMS at the Nocturnal Animals premiere gown by Tom Ford

Photo: Ernesto Ruscio/Getty

Not mind-blowingly new and interesting, but, it’s Amy Adams. Expecting her to veer too far from tradition is just unrealistic.

That’s just a swimsuit under a tablecloth. You cannot convince me otherwise.

NAOMI WATTS at the Bleeders premiere dress by Roksanda, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

Photo: Splash News

Who did this to you, Naomi? You’ll never not be beautiful, but you somehow ended up in hair, makeup, a dress, AND shoes that don’t work for you. And all in different ways. I’d be impressed if I weren’t trying to figure out where your knees actually fall.

NAOMI WATTS at the AMBI dinner

Photo: Venturelli/Getty

Cute dress, wrong shoes.

JUNO TEMPLE at the Miu Miu dinner dress by Miu Miu

Photo: People Style Watch

She’s the person at the Halloween party I’m least interested in talking to.