Pages

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Empath song: Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

I was listening to this song the other day and thought it was a perfect example of the sort of self-justifying stories that empaths tell themselves about how they're not really "bad people" even though they admit that they do bad things.

Baby you understand me now
If sometimes you see that I'm mad
Doncha know no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong, you see some bad

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

Ya know sometimes baby I'm so carefree
With a joy that's hard to hide
And then sometimes it seems again that all I have is worry
And then you're bound to see my other side

But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

If I seem edgy
I want you to know
I never mean to take it out on you
Life has its problems
And I get more than my share
But that's one thing I never mean to do

Cause I love you
Oh baby
I'm just human
Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

Empaths are tortured by their own guilt. We spend a lot of time second guessing ourselves. That's part of the reason we are both fascinated and repelled by sociopaths because trying to empathize with a person whose inner landscape is so foreign to ours feels like an unsolvable riddle.

@ Fred- agree - especially when the same individual climbs back on the hamster wheel and does the same thing over and over again. Only one perspective is even more dreary. Nihilism. What you state above at least affords the participants a brief glimmer of hope once "confession" has been made. The sense of meaningless located in the nihilistic perspective is absolute and unrelenting.

Nihilism is one of the least dreary things I've ever encountered. The focus is not the lack of intrinsic meaning, but rather the fact that this, combined with the brain's hardwired need for validation requires us to invent our own meaning. Of course when I say that a thing has meaning I know I'm lying to myself. But it calms the more primitive part of my brain and elicits less cognitive dissonance than would an attempt to sustain a true belief in intrinsic meaning.

And when you can get yourself in the right frame of mind, the whole thing is really very zen.

The salient lyric here is 'intentions'. If you're looking for the differentiating factor between empaths and sociopaths, that's the one: empaths may be greedy, may be selfish, may have faults, but the underlying need to try, to want to try, to be better than their base instincts is there, as bedrock underneath it all. As opposed to a sociopath, who likely just doesn't care, empaths often have their 'bad' get in the way of their better intentions, not the other way around. It's not an excuse in this case; if anything, it may serve to educate you. The song's begging the listener to see that very difference.

.. I never said otherwise. If anything, I was pointing out that this song is talking about that critical element that differentiates sociopaths from non-sociopaths: a base intention of wanting to do 'good'. A conscience. Sociopaths don't care about the impact of their actions on others. Empaths do. Sociopath's intentions are purely self-serving: what can this get me? And if nothing, then: Will this alleviate my boredom for a bit?

This song is almost the voice of someone begging to be seen as a person who's good at heart even though their actions, based on their flawed nature, may paint them otherwise. They don't want to be mistaken for a sociopath.

There are so many sociopath anthems it's not funny. I suppose this is sobecause sociopaths are "chic" and cool.Did you ever hear of a group from the last century called the "Eagles?"If you listen to the lyrics of songs like "One Of These Nights",:(I've beensearching for the daughter of the devil himself-I've been looking for anangel in white.) Or "Hotel California", "Life In The Fast Lane" "There'sGonna Be A Heartache Tonight,they touch the heart of sociopathy.One of the best songs about trying to persuade a sociopath to change is"Desperado" also by the Eagles.The group "Steely Dan" had two great songs about sociopaths. "Josie"a description of a female sociopath, and "Deacon Blues" about a "lost"sociopath.

Intentions don't matter. Hitler's intentions were good. What are good intentions? It depends who you're talking to. If you talk to the chicken just before you kill it and tell it "Hey chicken, my intentions are good, I don't want to be misunderstood, I'm just gonna eat you and share you with my family.".

The way I see it there're 2 types of empaths. First type know when they're doing bad things. They refer to selfish egotistical selfinterested acts as bad. I guess you have to have a strong sense of appartenance to the community. An evolutionary wiring in your brain that tells you that you should do more for the community than for yourself because that's how you'll more likely survive, by making the community stronger.

And then there's the second type of empaths who are just delusional. They have such a narrow subjective perspective that cannot understand the multiplicity of value systems that inadvertently come into existence. They have the strong belief that their value system is "the right one" and they will do "good" according to that value system even if the "good" they do might not be just as good for someone belonging to a different system of values.(muslims vs christians)

I think the same "willful ignorance" persists. (to quote People of the Lie)Perhaps the difference is that if the sociopath recognizes that they have been unmasked, they detach from and dispose of the relationship in a mechanical fashion, devoid of emotion because it doesn't bother them what people think of them so much as your alternate version of things might spoil future scams. The Mal Narc, however, cares very much what everyone thinks. You are detached from and disposed of even if she is at fault. (actually- especially if she is at fault because she can not bear to have this reality reflected back to her in your existence. As soon as the mirror of your adoring glance can no longer be a reality because you are "on to her", then you must be eliminated. While the sociopath acts ruthlessly because it is in his self interest to do so, a Mal Narc is ruthless with the sort of vicious terror you see in an animal that feels it is trapped. The great irony is: their cruelty is what turns you into a monster.

The sociopath doesn't perceive the evil in their actions because they CAN not see how operating according to self interest could be a bad thing.

The map narc doesn't perceive evil in their actions because they WILL not see that they are not operating in a moral fashion, no matter how much they try to dress up their own self interest as actions taken for moral reasons.

(For what it's worth, I dislike Mal Narcs far more and completely agree with Scott Peck when he states that if there is an "evil" personality type, this is it.)

Yup. And the Mal Narc akes it one step further. They call red blue, and then dare anyone to say otherwise. A child declaring that the emperor has no clothes is in the line of fire. That is why a Mal Narcs make horrible parents. The level of mental cruelty and gas lighting that a child experiences creates a lifetime legacy of self doubt.

Looking at the facts square in the eye is propably easier if you don't feel much about them, but I would expect any grown person to be mature enough to do the same regardless of theyr inner landscape. Sadly my expectations are let down again and again, even worse when feeling is let to define truth over facts that contradict those feelings clearly. Obviously, this would not be a the scientific approach to reality - image science based on emotional guesswork? And even scientists are empaths, so I guess there is hope...

Featured comment

Of course, my default is still to intuitively analyze every outcome and situation and achieve the best result, but it's more interesting to let people remain a variable and go in their own direction, rather than nudging them in the direction I prefer. Interacting with people WITHOUT trying to control them is a new paradigm for me.