Ladies, I Need Your Help Please?

I received the following email yesterday and I would like the ladies that frequent this site to help answer this Christian woman’s questions. I know there are some strong Christian ladies around here and I would really appreciate it if you would take the time to respond to your sister in Christ.

Yesterday a Theology Today reader wrote;

I find myself at your site quite a bit these days. It comforts me because I believe that you interpret the scriptures correctly. I havent seen that done in years.

I am 41 years old. I have three children. One is 21 and although he had a “salvation” moment when he was 4 and again when he was an early teen I still don’t believe he is saved. He is evidently not seeking God in any way.

It makes me question my ability to parent.

I have two more at home….11 and 7. Both boys.

We home school. My husband is pretty moral and steadfast in going to church, tithing, prayer and such its all quite robotic with him. Same prayers over and over, same ol same ol…. No passion. I don’t really see him searching out scripture or God for that matter. He prefers to be fed and if hes not he kind of withers.

Its hard to follow him. I don’t esteem him much.

So to my question……………….. Is there a place that is pretty right on in following scripture that provides comfort, encouragement? Help in parenting and marriages

I am a member of some forums and the advice people give at times is comical.

I go to sites that offer such comforts but they are all so commercial I question the validity of what they have to offer.

I hope I am making sense. I just want to find more people that I can look to for inspiration.

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8 thoughts on “Ladies, I Need Your Help Please?”

First I’m very glad you allowed Phil to post this and I agree, there are not many sites that are comforting or strong scripturally. I showed up here about 18 months ago, and this site has been a real blessing to me.

Not knowing your particular situation or you, I hope you will allow me the liberty to address some things that I experienced at your age. Maybe some of them will help.

When I was in my early 40’s, like you, I had been raising children for 20 years and it’s hard work. It’s quite easy to be “tired” and frankly, I was tired of being tired. It seemed like everything was a challenge I dreaded and I didn’t have a lot of outside support.

When the kids all left home, I was at peace with it, but my husband had a very hard time. He was so busy during their growing up years that he missed a lot and desperately wanted to get it back. They have been gone almost 10 years now and he is finally coming to terms with it. We had some real issues we faced during those years with the health of our daughter, so that added to the slowness of coming to terms.

During the child rearing years, my husband and I had to forsake many of the things we enjoyed either because of lack of money or because of obligations of the children. It’s normal to be a little more distant, or critical of our spouse, or to feel like we’re on a churning sea by ourselves without a life jacket. It can be quite overwhelming and can drag us down. That’s why so many divorce at that point but they miss so much that comes later by doing so.

My husband is not a strong Christian either so that places an additional burden on me but I will add this. I know of women who’s husbands are ministers and strong in faith but neglect their own households, so we all struggle and finding others to share with is vital to our health and well being.

We all fear for our kids salvation and desire they come to know the Lord. We watch with a critical eye looking for something that gives us peace in that area and that’s not always found. So all we can do is lay our petitions before God and know that His will WILL be done. I know, it’s easier said than done.

One book that I found from a woman’s perspective was written by Barbara Johnson called “Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy” She made me evaluate my own life from the perspective of “joy”. I realized that I could chose how to respond and it was far more beneficial to be joyful and to praise God in ALL things. Implementing that made a huge difference.

Now to the issue of forums. Why don’t YOU begin a small group and I would consider it an honor to join. While it might seem like an additional burden, I think you’ll find it to be a highlight to your day.

“Same prayers over and over, same ol same ol…. No passion. I don’t really see him searching out scripture or God for that matter. He prefers to be fed and if hes not he kind of withers.
Its hard to follow him. I don’t esteem him much.
So to my question……………….. Is there a place that is pretty right on in following scripture that provides comfort, encouragement? Help in parenting and marriages ”

LYNN’s RESPONSE:

I recall several years ago my former pastor testified about how when he and his wife first came to Christ, he believed that his wife was not passionate about God and not as attentive or serious about worshiping the Lord as he was.

He said that he prayed on it, telling God his concerns and pointing out all of his wife’s faults. And the response that the Lord gave him was surprising to him.

In short, the Lord told him to concentate on himself and to stop concerning himself with his wife’s faults. The Lord impressed upon him to work on searching out his own faults and weaknesses and to perfect the things within himself that were not right.

As a direct result of this, he came to the realization that he can only take responsibility for himself as an adult. And he learned some things about himself that he did not like. He found that he was looking at the splinter in his wife’s eye while ignoring the boulder in his own eye. Therefore, he was able to change for the better.

His wife, seeing his changes, started to strive to improve herself and her walk with God. It did not happen over night. It was a process.

So my word to you today is to read the passages in the scripture that deal with love and patience. Work on you and on improving your own faults (which we all have). Remember that your control begins and ends with yourself.

Hi, I am not really sure what you are asking. I do think you need to remember that you may not necessarily be able to judge by “passion.” Men and women are different. Shocking, I know. But men are not necessarily wired for the emotional response that we women sometimes have. Being steadfast is a good sign.

My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel… I prayed with my son when he was three or four years old to receive Christ, and my husband left me shortly after that. Through Scriptures, God had showed me he had left me for another woman, even though he had told me it was because I had changed so much. I had just become a Christian, and my desire now, was to share Christ with everyone. All that to say, I was left with the full responsibility of training my daughter and son in the ways of the Lord, for the rest of their lives, until they both left home….my ‘husband’ never came back, after years of praying for him. I had prayed every morning and every night with my children, and read the Bible to them every night, focusing on topics relevant to them at their age levels. When their dad would come to see them, he began giving them things that conflicted with the Christian values I was trying to instill within them. I began to grow bitter towards him for not only him abandoning us, but also how he wasn’t here to help raise them, but was only having a bad influence on them. God convicted me of my anger, bitterness, and resentment towards him, and I realized that he was not a Christian and was therefore acting just like anyone else in the world would act. I realized how only God could convict him and bring him to repentance, and God gave me a heart that was now filled with HIS love and compassion towards him, and an even deeper desire for him to know of God’s love and forgiveness. I surrendered him to God, knowing only He had the power to fill him with a godly sorrow that would bring him to repentance, and would lead to salvation. I was no longer bitter towards him, even though I went through years of hurt and rejection. I realized I was only responsible for myself and changing my attitudes and behavior to be more like Christ. ….All that to just give you what I went through, so you know a little about me, and how I understand your feelings of being left with the responsibility of training your children spiritually, since your husband doesn’t seem to be taking on the role of spiritual leader. ….I went through a time like you must be feeling now concerning your 20 year old son. When my children were young, they had a heart for God, and then the world got a grip on their hearts and they began to conform to the world. I would lie awake all night sometimes, being tormented in my mind with thoughts of failure, as I saw my children change so much, in spite of my prayers and efforts. Satan, at that point, had destroyed any hope within me, and had made me only feel like a complete failure. However, God showed me a verse that COMPLETELY set me free from feelings of failure, and I want to share this verse with you, my dear sister-in Christ. Isaiah 1:2 “Hear, O heavens! Listen, O earth! For the LORD has spoken: “I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against Me.” …God showed me through this Scripture that if HE reared His people and they chose to rebel, it wasn’t HIS fault that they rebelled!! GOD had not failed!! It was then that I realized that salvation cannot be brought into our children’s hearts, or in anyone’s heart, no matter how hard we try to help them to see the truth in God’s Word. Salvation is a miracle that only GOD can do in a person’s heart. It was then that God set me completely free from guilt and feelings of failure that had prevented me from falling asleep and having His peace within my heart. I also came to a new appreciation of my salvation, and it gave me a sense of worth and value, that even though my husband had rejected me, God had chosen me. …My son is now grown and on his own, but just a few days ago, he called me and told me he is reading his Bible and searching for the truth and has a desire to reach out to kids on drugs to help them. He expressed his appreciation to me on how I tried to raise him to warn him of the things in this world that would try to grip his life, even though he resented me at times for it when he was young. He said how he hears my voice in his mind of all the things I shared with him as he grew up. I was filled with joy, as I heard my son speak to me!! So my dear sister-in-Christ, DO NOT LOSE HOPE. Continue to pray and surrender your son and the rest of your children to God, and trust Him to do the work that only He can do in their hearts. Continue to pour your heart into sharing the love of God and the truth of His word into the lives of your children that are still in your home, and trust God alone to reveal Himself to them and draw them to Himself. Live your life in front of your husband and your children in such a way that they see Christ in you without you even having to say a word at times. Become the woman God desires you to be, as you pray and seek Him for wisdom. Immerse yourself in His Word for the encouragement and spiritual nourishment you need to grow stronger spiritually. I did not look to any ministry for wisdom or direction in all my years of raising my children, because I didn’t hear solid Biblical advise in most ministries. Instead, I sat at the feet of our Master, so-to-speak. God’s Word gave me deep insight in how to raise my children and how to be a godly woman, and I know He will do the same for you. Continue to pray for your husband, but surrender your husband to God and trust Him to reveal Himself to your husband in such a way, that the Holy Spirit will spark a burning passion within his heart to live a life fully surrendered to Him. Look for the good in your husband and compliment him for his efforts, and help him to see you value him. This is what I hear men are looking for…respect and appreciation. I am here to help and encourage you, if you need me, and I will be praying for you. God bless you : )

Hi Tunji. I am assuming you are the person to whom I wrote to try and encourage. Thank you for your kind words. Be encouraged, and allow God to become very real to you as He has become to me, and it only happened because I sought after Him in prayer and in His Word,with all my heart. God’s peace, wisdom, and grace to you, dear sister-in-Christ.

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