Accepting the Grey of your life

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Lot to Take In

What you do when you don’t know where your next step is going to land you. Things have been topsy and turvy since my grandmother, nothing planned, everything spontaneous, everything new and every things ends with a different perspective. No I am not going to get into the details of all that I just wrote, in fact to think about it, I do not even know why I am writing this post. I am here because I made myself a promise of writing exactly whats there in my mind, even if it reads gibberish to you, its my thoughts, right at this moment, candid, very very candid.

Today I got diagnosed with something, nothing serious, but only treatable not curable.And it got me thinking whats there in it for me. Have you ever found yourself thinking “whats there in it for you” when you are hit with hard times. That’s what my experience has taught me every bad time has passed my life leaving behind something substantial to cherish forever. So you may think I am a little mad, may be I am, but that’s what I am thinking. This is another of “many” new things I have been hit with, since I changed my cities and life took a very sharp U-turn, so bad that I can not even see the path I had left behind.

Well, the little thingy I mentioned above is not the only thing that happened today…. Seated in a sonography room and surrounded with all the expecting mothers, and pictures of ultrasounds …….today of all days in my life I was hit with a strong, too strong of a maternal instinct, the moment you realize “what in life you would not do to become a mother”, oh what an alien feeling, yet so blissful, again how silly is it… right? specially coming from a girl/women(?) in mid twenties who is no where closer to finding here Mr. Right… (Sigh). I had to literally stop myself from talking with those “mothers to be” and ask all sorts of questions, and yet I felt there joy, joy which was like no other joy I ever felt before. I know weird right … but there it is..

I was desperate to pen these things down… and hoping may be now I can wish for a good nights sleep…