Spoof news stories from Friday 31 August 2012

MOSCOW - Russian President Vladimir Putin has made it clear that he's no fan of Barack Obama because he's Amerian as well as Mitt Romney who not only is American but basically attacked the Soviet Union, as Romney calls it, in a speech last year.
S...

Helloo, this is the Reverend Tougal McDougal of the Prophylactic Church of Scotland in Kirkintilloch. I'd like to talk to you today about poverty.
Poverty can be a terrible blight on a community. Recently in Kirkintilloch we've had a problem with tramps. They come over to the kirk, dressed in rags, drunk aff their tits, sleeping in the grounds. It's quite hard to tell them apart from the local...

Yesterday on the Iraq-Iran boundary, looking for the saloon Ali Baba and His Forty Daughters, intrepid Pepe Warezabar spotted what looked like stetson, Glock pistol, and belts of ammo around a large belly.
This person whirled, Glock blazing, and the dust next to Pepe's right big toe whipped up as a cautionary statement. The cowboy turned out to be Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu, Prime Minister of I...

In keeping with high standards of intellectual guidance and decent politics for a global party, GOP representatives have wound up their convention with leaps and bounds upward in a new official language, quickly becoming known as New Malarkey And Ass...

After his disastrous imitation of a nervous 16 year old auditioning for a school play at last night's Republican convention, Dirty Harry himself is receiving numerous death threats from an unlikely suspect: Mitt Romney!
In a frightening recordin...

Ex-England cricket captain Andrew Strauss has stated his desire to become a Tory MP. Joining the Tories suits Strauss as they seem to be run in the same way the England cricket team is, shite. Back and to the Left news are unsure as to how knowing wh...

Residents of London suburb, Dorking, awoke this morning to discover that thieves had stolen every last scrap of metal from the town.
"They came in during the night," said police inspector, Devon Cumbria. "They've taken street lamps, park benches,...

Senior staff in Rochdale's Sparks & Menser store have uncovered a group of 'exhibitionists' plotting to demonstrate against lower prices.
Six women and two men were arrested after they undressed, painted their bodies and prepared themselves fo...

A new craze is sweeping across the UK with children in their thousands taking up geology in a hunt for fossils.
"Fossils have always interested kids," said Larry Green, a palaeontologist with Cambridge University's Geology department. "It's pleasi...

It was an excited, enthused but somewhat baffled crowd that gave a standing ovation to Clint Eastwood as he took the podium at the GOP convention last night. "Is he still alive?," one attendee was heard to remark.
The Associated Press in a repor...

Philippines - The 7.9-magnitude quake off Samar Island struck early this morning just as the Pisces Full Moon was waxing into maximum display.
Its aftershocks have rattled Kate and William's Far East holiday plans for yet another taxpayer-funded f...

Washington, USA. A Navy SEAL involved in the top secret operation to assassinate Osama Bin Laden has revealed that the Al Quaeda leader was not shot as popularly believed but in fact tickled to death. Jake Greibless IV was recruited by the SEALs beca...

According to a study, Scots are drinking less alcohol than they were a year ago. Scottish adults still drink (on average) 115% more than their English counterparts, but the drop is encouraging. It now means more Scots are using milk on their cornfla...

Much like our national debt, claims for rural theft are on the rise. Nowhere is feeling the pinch (pun) like rural Wales, where thousands of sheep have been recorded stolen in the past year. The sheep, normally used as extra-martial aids, are feared...

Houston, TX-- The Curiosity rover exploring Mars has spotted something completely unexpected. The rover spotted a bong standing up on a rock with a little bit of gray smoke coming out of it and something burning in the bowl. Scientists at the Johns...

Back and to the Left news has discovered that nearly 34% of men and 59% of women may have been treated by a bogus DR. We discovered this during our prostate exam; our suspicions were raised when asked to leave a tip. So as responsible journalists for a number of respectable magazines (Winos Weekly to name but one) we decided to make a quick checklist to make sure you don't fall into a fake Doctors...

London - Cringe-making stories about royal humbug are being lapped up by red tops deprived of phone-hacked stuff.
And most of the rubbish is coming from Camilla, doyenne of Palace bollocks and other unsavory crap.
At an editorial meeting of QM-...

Tampa, Florida - A UN Security Council 'NOC-list' of undesirables confirms what those Dumbo-esque ears and rictus grin have hinted at for decades.
"We have established that Paul Ryan is Clinton's bastard spawn," a spokesperson for Ban Ki-Moon's Ta...

A leaked internal memo from Saddleworth Council has been delivered to Spoof HQ. Its contents show that the council aims to be computer free by 2013, when all I.T staff will be re equipped.
The document reads as follows:
The Saddleworth Council I.T Systems Committee has defined a lower cost alternative to the previously planned Windows 8 system conversion.
All computers will be removed fr...

The U.S. House of Representatives recently held a hearing concerning the revelation that Congress' approval rating hit the unprecedented low of -4%. The following is a transcript of that hearing.
CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL RATING FALLS BELOW 0%
2012
HEARING
BEFORE THE
SUBCOMMITTEE ON GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION, EFFICIENCY AND FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT
OF THE
COMMITTEE ON OVERSIGHT AND GOVER...

TAMPA - Clint Eastwood showed everyone at the Republican National Convention and millions of television viewers that he may be a legendary Hollywood icon, but he sure ain't no political speaker.
The man who starred in The Good, The Bad, and The Ug...

Waffle, NC - As a nod to one of President Obama's most notable achievements,the Obama Administration's decision to change Labor day to Labrador Retriever day, the Democratic National Convention, which starts on Labrador Retriever Day, will begin with...

HOLLYWOOD - The TouchRock Motion Picture Company in association with Pipe Dream Films has just announced their latest venture into the Land of Movies.
Noted director Bandini Borrapelli will be directing the stars of The Vampire Diaries Ian Somerha...

LOS ANGELES - The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic will soon have a new celebrity patient. And amazingly enough it is not Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen, or Demi Moore.
Country music recording artist LeAnn Rimes, who just turned 30, w...