The rollerskating Granny Smith is a spry old bird. She has to be, as developer Mediocre has dedicated substatial technology towards beating the living hell out of her.

Granny Smith falls from great heights onto her back, her intense pain communicated through the loss of the large gold coins she's collected. She jumps off of ramps only to come smashing down through the roof of a house. Maybe she breaks through to the ground floor. Maybe she just busts through the second-story window.

Moving into the city, Granny Smith dives through the window of a towering skyscraper, glass flying in all directions. She might make it through the window of the adjascent building. She might miss and fall to her death. Sometimes she almost makes it, upper half of her body smacking the tiled floor inside before gravity pulls her down once more.

Granny Smith really likes her apples, you see. That's the whole reason she's putting herself through al of this pain. A thief has stolen them, but instead of just taking them away, he's scattered them across 36 levels, three at a time, forcing her to race him for a chance at retrieving them.

What a sadistic bastard.

Granny can purchase upgrades using in-game coin if she wishes. Helmets to protect her fragile skull, baseballs to break through destructible walls and objects before she does; she can even save up for additional characters, resting her battered body whilst someone else takes the brunt.

No matter what special protective measures she takes, however, she's still an incredibly old woman in a world designed specifically to keep her from her goals as spectacularly as possible.

At her best, Granny Smith is quite graceful. Mediocre, the developers behind the water-physics showcase Sprinkle, have gifted the apple-fanatic with amazing grace and agility. Her plight runs smoothly on both platforms, with simple two-button controls (jump and hook, for snagging clothes lines and wires, probably dislocating her shoulder in the process) to make it easier to enjoy the show.