Say, aren't you that cute little mystery animal who lives with those vile Fusco Brothers? Actually, I'm their court-appointed guardian until they turn eighteen… After that, sadly, they'll be free to pursue careers in crime.

May I ask what on earth made you decide to go into law? I used to try to get my girlfriends to act out a fantasy I had in which I would dress up as a lawyer and they would dress up as a judge and say things in Latin. But they all said it was too sick, so I decided to just go to law school.

You're a disgrace to your profession, counselor. Oh, yeah? Well, it just so happens that my real profession is that of an actor in a comic strip. We use actual courtrooms just for the sake of gritty realism. It's actually a tribute to my thespian skills that I've convinced you that I'm really a lousy lawyer.

You've come to the wrong friend for romantic advice, Ginger. Originally, I wouldn't marry Lance because I wanted to pursue my career. Then later, he wouldn’t marry me because he wanted to pursue watching television and drinking beer.