Dr. Fantasy

Now these are dilemmas

March 24, 2009|By D.R. Smith and D.R. SMITH IS A REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR.

Brave Chicagoans, the times are grim, and that's why we need fantasy baseball now more than ever. When faced with a tail-spinning economy, corrupt politicians and billion-dollar-an-hour parking meters, what better escape than to immerse ourselves in a world where the most agonizing decision is figuring out if Chipper Jones' strained oblique should prompt us to move him down our draft board? (The answer is no.)

A-Roid

We all know A-Rod admitted using steroids, was afflicted by giant cysts and generally experienced the worst winter by someone not named Bernie Madoff, but letting him slide too far in the draft is a mistake. A fourth- or fifth-round pick is not unreasonable.

Who's the Manny?

There's sure to be some owner in your league who will take Manny Ramirez too early, considering the hype and last year's gaudy stats, but you should remember that Manny is a moody 36-year-old who just signed a fat new contract with L.A.

Draft immediately

Hanley Ramirez: A 30-30 player at a shallow position who is only 25. Saddle up and ride him into the fantasy sunset.

Albert Pujols: Complaining that the Cardinals slugger doesn't steal many bases is like criticizing Angelina Jolie for being too thin. Get over it.

Ryan Braun: His defense is sketchy, but in fantasy that doesn't matter at all. Potential 40-20 this season.

Avoid at all costs

J.D. Drew: Hit .211 after the All-Star break in 2008. Injury prone. Has hit more than 20 home runs twice. Any questions?

Vladimir Guerrero: Don't completely avoid him, but don't expect the Vlad of 2004. He's now a version of Moises Alou.