Dharun Ravi apology is overdue, but refreshing

Dharun Ravi’s apology today was a relief to hear, and long overdue. He said he will turn himself in Thursday to begin serving his 30-day jail term, rather than waiting out the appeal. He wants to go on with his life. And he didn’t want to leave this unsaid:

"I accept responsibility for and regret my thoughtless, insensitive, immature, stupid and childish choices that I made on September 19, 2010 and September 21, 2010," Ravi wrote. "My behavior and actions, which at no time were motivated by hate, bigotry, prejudice or desire to hurt, humiliate or embarrass anyone, were nonetheless the wrong choices and decisions. I apologize to everyone affected by those choices."

What’s still missing is any nod to the family of Tyler Clementi. Ravi did violate their son’s privacy, and he did in some ways treat his homosexuality as an amusement. There is no evidence that this behavior lead to Clementi’s suicide, and therefore no justification in punishing Ravi for the death. But Ravi’s actions clearly bothered Clementi, who said he felt his privacy had been invaded by Ravi when he was spied on making out with a male visitor. Clementi checked Ravi's Twitter feed about it repeatedly in the hours before his death, and was upset enough about the spying to ask for a room change.

During his trial, Ravi was defended by members of both the Indian-American and gay communities who thought a long prison term was too harsh. Some, such as the advocate who yelled, "We love you Ravi!" after his sentencing, should be reminded that his actions were repulsive.

But it’s true that Ravi’s actions don’t justify a long prison sentence. And the basis for that punishment, our state’s bias law, needs to be fixed. The threat of overkill remains.

In this case, the judge saved the day. His 30-day punishment departed substantially from state guidelines, which called for five to seven years in prison. At his sentencing, Ravi should have apologized. He said he didn’t because he felt people had already made up their minds about him.

"Anything I say now would sound rehearsed and empty, and nothing I say is going to make people hate me any less," he said. "Whatever I say will never change the Clementi’s’ mind about me, or how people see me."

Yet at the same time, he did tell Star-Ledger columnist Mark DiIonno that he was "very sorry for what happened to Tyler."

And what this demonstrates is what we knew from the start. This young man has a lot to learn, and made terrible mistakes. Perhaps this apology is that first step toward his redemption.