February 17, 2007

Buttfront

So funny how you read other's blogs and think what a sweet, relaxing and fun life they lead and damnit...... they all type like they're skinny people? Geez Louise, I'll be reading about how such-n-such lead their kids on a nature trail while discussing global warming all the while back at the homestead they have a flippin loaf of sourdough rising...... to which of course they won't eat it because they have 2 whole more flippin pounds to lose after just giving birth a few days before. I bet they gave birth completely naked with no pain killers while their significant other was behind them naked crying and wishing like hell they were a woman so they could experience being a life vessel for the planet earth. I bet he was skinny too. Probably don't eat cows either. Hmph.

Well, I'm not that person. I'll never, ever be that person. I have never led my children on a nature trail or had arts & crafts hour in my home. I take responsibility for the planets depletion of oxygen as I own an Expedition. My house is always a disaster and I drink more Dr. Pepper than should be allowed by law. I also have a butt front. You know that glob of gushy fat that is below the belly button that could possibly touch the tops of your thighs? Yup, have always had it....... I take that back. I didn't have it for about a week...... the week when I was skinny. That was the blessed week I met my now Angel of a Husband. God I love the poor man. Boy was he duped!

Anyhoo....... back to my butt front. Sometimes I call it my front-butt or front-ass...... depends on the mood and whether or not I slept the night before. It's way more pronounced due to the fact I have no ass. I'm a flat asser. Well, more like a wide asser. I hate it. I've always had ass envy too. I have big boobs and would so trade them in for a new ass. Even a huge big fat ass........ or a bubble butt for the love of Pete. But alas, me gots what me gots.

Big boobs and an Ass Front....... you'd think I'd tip over. Would anyone like to trade some ass fat for some boob stuff? I'm in...... and by the way....... if you have some plumply lips to spare...... I'm putting in my request now!

Comments

well.. I have a bit of bottom to spare, and I've been planning breast implants.. so perhaps we could arrange some sort of swap? I have a bit of a pout too. but alas, I too have the front bum. orr belly sandwich. haha.
But I must also add that I gave birth completely naked, with no pain relief (at home!) with my partner behind me in tears. It hasn't helped me in the slightest. (although he WAS clothed.. perhaps thats the problem. hahahahah).
Hope you're feeling a little better about your body soon, these bodies do some great work it's a shame we don't appreciate them as much as they deserve, huh?