It was. It was the best of times... I need to wash my hair

Category Archives: Parenting Blogs

Post navigation

While trying to finally clean up my computer I stumbled upon photos from a mom blogger event from 7 years ago. I use to go things like this a lot. People with baby products would demonstrate or give stuff away and bloggers mention it on their site if they like it.

At this juncture I was not working outside the home that much, so I strapped on Rex and went to EVERYTHING. Here I was being taught how to massage my little guy.

I’m the one with real baby (doll not included)

Long strokes away from the heart I think?

I’m just chillin

Here I’m going for the little toes, which 7 years later I still adore. Even at the time I wasn’t sure if a baby massage technique was so important, but rather that a parent or caregiver strokes, hugs, caresses them. Studies show an untouched baby is wire monkey.. I know I am.

I look back on this period 1) thinking how cute Rex was and how nice it was to easily take him anywhere. But, 2) remember who tired I always was. Well, gee I’m not sure. Am I tired here or really trying to learn this thing? Oh, maybe I’m doing a “happy and you know it clap your hands?” Oh, warming up the oil? I’m so geared towards food I think those little plates with oil are in need of some fresh bread to dip into.

The other important part of a ritual like this is that it made ME feel better.. not nessarily doing the perfect massage for Rex ( by the way, never got a tip) but slowing down and spending a few minutes touching your kid feels so good. Now, it’s rubbing their back at bed time, or when they let me hold their hands walking.Oh, my look at my pink blackberry! Gosh, I miss those… I made less typos. So, I’m out of the mommy blogging, swag party business… I don’t have time and I don’t have a cute little co star to take around with me. More and more when people would pitch me products I’d say, “you know there are SO many sites that are a better fit.” I did like experiences, like this, though. I was a little perplexed by why I’m wearing those white sunglasses.. but I think they were given to me.

But, I’m at a loss of what to say to my kids. There is all the stuff any good parent says to their kids: “Be kind, be smart, do your homework, treat people with respect, do onto others, be humble, don’t grab women’s pussy’s.” But, it rings hollow now because the guy who just got elected broke all those rules and is being richly rewarded.

for election watch party

Why did women vote for him? You really think he will create jobs Michigan? Why is he building a wall against Canada?

I am proud of Hillary Clinton. She worked so hard. She put up with abuse and ridicule that 99.9% would have crumbled under. She came so very close. She won the popular vote. Last night I had hoped to sit between my mother and daughter and cheer the first ever female president of the US. Instead I held my daughter and niece as they sobbed and my mom had already left saying “I can’t take it.”

my kids helping me make calls for Hillary two days before election

By saying I’m with her I also mean I’m with people of color and immigrants, gays, handicapped, POW’s, my gosh, our Generals! All the people President Elect Game Show host has insulted in his 18 month campaign.

This morning as Vivien cried, “Mommy, what do we do?” I said, “I don’t know.” So, it was all the more helpful when Hillary talked right to her.

“To all the little girls watching…never doubt that you are valuable and powerful & deserving of every chance & opportunity in the world.”

We must keep reminding them this in the face of living in a country which elected a man who boasted about grabbing women’s privates, who condescended to Hillary all the time. In the face of having watched the debates where she was vastly more articulate and informed than him and yet, she will not be the president.

Making history… voting in the morning. Hopeful and wearing white for sufferagettes

I‘m with her means I salute my mom, a life long feminist. I was a little girl when the ERA wasn’t ratified and now, years later… sigh.. same old story. The old white boys club. The FBI, Trump, GOP and some misguided working class people who think he is their champion.

I resent that he is a guy who never did a day of community work in his life. There is commitment to public service. I’m wondering the point of all of mine. I’m discouraged.

I’m with her because I’m not going to be a nice little girl and go away. I’m a proud Nasty Woman and I’m staying that way. History does not run on a smooth trajectory. I know this election is on the wrong side of history, but we are on this zig zag nonetheless.

I’m with her because I’m going to support my daughter and son to be feminists. Who judge a person by the content of their character. Brother, this President Elect is wanting in that department.

Would have been nice instead of talking about polls… that were wrong.. if the media had EVER done a compare and contrast with the candidates policies. But, who am I kidding? It wouldn’t have changed the outcome in a society riddled with sexism and adoring of reality TV.

I was overjoyed that my country elected a man of color in ’08. Yay! My country isn’t as racist as I thought it was. But, it is as sexist as I thought it was. SEXISM RUNS THROUGH ALL COLORS AND CULTURES.

I’m still in shock. A cross between being jilted, a death, a bit of 9/11, of “what world is this?” feeling. But, when I manage to wash my hair again I hope to have a plan. Because a big part of me wants to become a hermit and live deep in Michigan.. if only to vote in the next election.

I’ve been doing better with my C diff and have expanded my eating.. which of means I’ll probably gain back all that weight I lost. Darn it. But, have more energy to be active with my children.

no rash guard.. how bad can it be? Bad

Wanting to enjoy summertime fun with my kiddos. I’m very strict about them always wearing rash guards to protect their skin. The one day I let it slide for Vivien ( we couldn’t find it) she got a wicked sunburn. I felt terrible as she writhed in agony that night.

So this weekend we were at a friend’s house, invited to swim in their pool. Rex always has his sun protection on. The only problem is it’s hard to get off. Here I’m trying to pull it off his head. As I did so, he almost did a header toward me and the metal chair I was on. I called for my friend’s nephew “Grab Rex, hold em down”, like a steer at branding. Then I pulled again. Finally it popped off. Rash guards need to come with zippers. Same as uteruses of child baring women. I was in the shade, but I also read years ago that after 25 years old you are pretty much set for how your skin will be. In that the worse dangers are for younger skin. So, again, my bad on Viv’s rash guard. I really don’t get it when I see kids at the beach without them. Probably some horrible, neglectful parents who don’t want to walk across the hot sand and look at the trunk of the car one more time just in case it was missed.

Well, that’s not fair, I also had vomit on my pink P.j’s from when Rex threw up on me. But, I’m sparing you a photo of that. No awkward brunch with corsage, no red roses, no sachet.

It would all be a day’s work, but being told it’s “MOTHER’S DAY” makes me cranky. Same way Valentine’s day makes you think your in a crap relationship, when it’s just normal. Expectations.

Mark is working hard, quite rightly, new business. As he was rushing out the door in the AM I pleaded for some coffee, toast, NY Times and he complied. The kids were great for 2 hours because they had a friend over. Hey, this is ok. My stepson called me which the biggest gift that he can give me, he knows my number! (see desperate stepmom seek connection) Then when the friend left my little ones turned on each other like demons. Though to be fair. I made it worse. They would settle into a show, a game what have you and after a bit I would check in on them. My presence was a catalyst for them turning on each other.

“I’m going to leave you guys alone” I said as I walked out of the room for 2 hours. No fighting. I’m the problem.

In the evening things had settled down, we were watching Season Finale of one of our favorite shows, “Once upon a Time”. Okay, day has it’s grace notes. Then Rex threw up on me.

Planning summer is proving far too complicated. I know have created a diaorama in my basement just to make sense of it. The calendar thing wasn’t enough. I need minature 3 D replicas.

“Okay, this is the camp I signed Rex up for 3 weeks is this area. Vivien’s camp for two weeks is here, and over here is the other camp for Viv for two other weeks. Here is my car shuttling them… ( Yes I look crazy, but it’s helping me visualize) This is the friend’s house in the country we want to visit many hours away… Then there is a swim lessons, Spanish tutoring, oh and what else, oh,yeah RELAXING. Plus, Hollywood Bowl, Universal Studios….” You see why I needed to model this? Like architects do before a big build.

As I pore over this like a Civil War reenacter planning on retaking Gettysburg I still can’t get down all the moving parts. How did summer become so complicated?

Well, for one thing they are starting the school year in AUGUST this year, which I do believe should be unconstitutional, so it’s chopped by a couple of weeks. Then of course other people have their own schedules we have to sink up with for travel plans. Why can’t they all stay put till I’ve figured my schedule out?

In the end I just needed fresh eyes. My step daughter was in town. I splayed out my dates, calendar pleading for common sense intervention. She pointed to one block of days that could be altered and some of the model pieces fell into place. I cancelled one thing, moved another… I am almost there.

We’ve all been there. In line at DMV, on a bad date, sitting in a friend’s solo show. Where you can feel life ebbing by and you are trapped. You have to stay, you can’t go. You can feel your mortality dripping away like a tipped over, open jar of honey. But, you must stay. For the license, to be polite, see your friend cry and take their shirt off.

A moment where you say “I want this time back.” As a friend recently quipped to me, “Add it to the list.” Is there a list? Yes, I think there is. Here is one for the list.

Standing in a public restroom while my son does his business. I’ve tried to install a phobia of public bathrooms in my kids, but so far only Vivien has caught the anxiety. Rex will announce it’s time to go no matter what the digs are like.

Me: “Dude, wait till we get home. It’s going to be nasty.”

“No, I have to go NOW.”

This is partly why I recently hosted Vivien’s entire class for a party. If I didn’t I know we would have ended up in Bronson Canyon Park. I have a clause in my parenting contract, “No Bronson Canyon Park.” I blew off Rex’s school social because that’s where it was. The parking is bad, bees gather on the potluck food and worst of all it doesn’t have working toilets. Only porta potties. My kids know, run to the car. We are out of here. How it has become the favorite potluck park for the 323 area code I have no idea.

Are you done yet?

So, Rex and I find the funky stores, funky bathroom. Honestly, I’ve been in a lot worse. But, it was made worse because the toilet had one of those sensors so just when he would be mid business the thing would “Whoosh” like a jet engine. So it elongated the process.

“Mama, why is it doing that? Stop it.”

Helpless “I can’t!” Yes, I know the trick with the post it note, but I didn’t have one.”

It was here as I waited that I thought, look at my life at this minute. I want this time back. Wiping the little bottom, no prob. I don’t mind that. But, could we do it at the Ritz?

Clear Channel Outdoors are the worst kind of whores. No standards, or why else would they carry those foul billboards for “American Horror Story”? Does anyone involved with that show have children? Daughters? Because when I’m driving around town with my 8 year old girl and from the back seat I hear,

“Oh, no mommy there it is again.”

I didn’t point it out to her. When see stuff like this I hope my kids are busy punching each other or talking about farts. But, if they bring it up, we have to talk about it. It’s so gross and vile to women. 3 women have a Snake coming out of their mouths. No, that’s not sexual. ( roll of eyes), that’s not objectifying to women ( eyes roll other direction). Hey porn and smut and bloody horror shows and movies are all legal. Good for you now, knock yourself out, but kids who are strapped in the back of their parents cars and just staring out the window shouldn’t have to look at this stuff.

I can intellectually say why it’s disturbing. My daughter says so instinctively. I use to rail against the dismembered females bodies that that that stupid show about the plastic surgeons in Miami use to have. Wait, another F/X show! Granted years ago I had a good time when I hosted a show for F/X, before they decided to become the basic cable HBO. Our publicity photos was me and my co shots on a couch with bulldog. The bulldog just sat.

I say to my daughter, “I’m really sorry you have to see that Vivien. It’s immature. They want to shock people with icky imagery. I’m sorry I can’t make it go away.”

If we are never able to regulate billboards content this place is going to look like Pottersville.

All summer it boggles my mind. Little girls in bikini’s and one pieces.

lordy, the kids a red head! She should be in a tent

I’m rolling up my big boy pants and wading into JUDGE LAKE. I don’t get the recklessness I see in the sunny months. Why am I often the only parent putting my kids in rash guard style swimwear?

In my lifetime we went from a country that worshipped the sun, let people smoke on planes, made it illegal to have kids sit in the front seat. Let alone on the arm rest like I use to, next to my groovy Ali McGraw looking mom in the 1970’s with her deep brown tan. YET, there is a great disconnect when I see kids at the beach and poolside. Their swimsuits make me look to see a dangling cigarette in the hands of their moms, to hear if people are calling grown black men, “boy”. The world changed, became more aware of cultural flaws and safety issues, subsequently we buckle our kids in a special seat in the back of the car, advanced civil rights, but knowing the dangers of the sun 99% of parents I see dress their little daughters like this when near a body of water.

I don’t get it

NOT to mention the odd sexualization of childhood these suits represent. I’ve long been bothered by little girls dressed as if they have developed bodies. Just looking at this from a health issue, parents are exposing their children to the sun at the worst times to do so. Sun exposure when we are under 25 is the most dangerous for our skin. Later, our goose is kind of cooked. A burn in childhood follows you for life. I had been stewing about this issue of unprotected kids in the sun and today an OP ED piece propelled me to write about it. It’s about the dangers of tanning bed by a doctor who had a scare.

Not Cute

The doctor advocates for warnings on tanning beds. where is the warning on little kids swimsuits?

The other day at a party for a friend of Rex’s a blonde boy was running around playing shirtless. I said something to his father and the father said something along the lines “It’s okay, he was by a lake last week.” I was confused. I think he was using that old myth about if you have a base tan you are protected. The little boy was obviously getting red.

from CDC

When Vivien was a baby we were given a baby bikini. Barf. We couldn’t throw that out of the house fast enough. We know we have a dirty planet. As Woody Allen said in “Annie Hall”, “Everything our parents said was good for us is bad, the sun, milk, college.” We know melanoma is on the rise, PARENTS WHY DON’T YOU PROTECT YOUR KIDS IN THE SUN. I hear, “I slathered on the sunscreen.” Yes, that’s good, but c’mon it’s not as good as having material covering the body. I put on sunscreen on the exposed legs of my kids and they still get tan. They jump in the water, run around. DO you really keep reapplying every 30 minutes? I doubt it. Plus my son is wiggly and it’s hard to get as much on him as I would like. I have a long sleeved shirt for Rex sometimes, but I’ve been getting push back from Vivien for my Victorian ways because all of her friends are dressed like Kiddie Sports Illustrated. I’m firm. Sun is up, rash guard swimwear is on. She’s lucky I don’t throw her in a burka.

what my kids wear

It’s fun to have your kids in cute clothes. That’s what dresses, and little ties and vests are for. Cover up your kids in the sun, humor me.

I was cruising through the mini meetings at Mom 2.0. They were in a big banquet hall and every 15 minutes one was to run from one table to the next depending upon the topic. The most popular subjects were something like this, “how to make some money, or how to get eyeballs doing something every body with an ovary is doing these days.” It was standing room only at those tables. Not on the table, but next to them.

“What did she just say?”

“um, something about optimization.”

When I spied Dr. Harvey Karp sitting at a table with only two woman. The rest of the room suddenly went into soft focus. The guy who wrote the book that got me through the first terrifying months of mom daughter’s life was there.

Mr Swaddle and “shoo- shoo” shimmy himself! To heck with it, I can’t hyper link my way to fortune right now, I need to talk to this guy.

pediatrician with the mostest

The way I remembered it I knocked these ladies aside and then it was just US. Me fawing, “It all worked! My kids loved being swaddled. My husband was so good at swaddling.”

He smiled kindly and said, “Do you have Happiest Toddler on the block?” ( sub title How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old) I said I did, but hadn’t cracked it open in a while. Would it be helpful with my now 4 year old son? He said it can help with tantrums up to 5, sometimes even a little older. So we discussed it. He said this book was more important than the baby book “Because this will help you make them into the people you want them to be.” Yes, I nodded, especially boys who can express their feelings. He explained you use 1/3 intensity of their voice. Too much in your voice means it’s now about crazy mom, not tantrum kid. Describe what you see, “you are pounding your fists on the floor, you are banging your head. You really want me to that was important to you.” Toddlers are not mini big kids, they think differently, he explained.

the world dissapeared...

He said, “get the DVD if you and your husband don’t want to read the book.” Yeah, guys are more visual, right? I sensed my 15 minutes was almost up as 3 other woman had plunked down on my turf. I turned my back on them and leaned into the doctor for one last nugget o’ wisdom. “My 4 year old sleeps with me most nights. I like the cuddling”

“Sure, it’s nice.” he agreed.

” I haven’t made a big deal about it, because I have older step children. I know soon enough he won’t want anything to do with me, however, sometimes I’d like a little space.”

Dr. Karp reached underneath his table and pulled out. He gave it to me! Now he was smiling to those other bitches moms. It was time for me to move on to upping my social media presence, taking a picture in natural light or twittering for jam and wipes.

I gazed at him one more time. “I would love to talk to you about how I’m an Intactivist“
I called out as I was forced to give up my seat and he was passing out books and smiles.

He should put all his books together and call it the Happiest Mom on the Block collection.

Remember during the ’08 elections, the primaries when Hillary and Obama were going at Hillary had that commerical about who would do best when the phone rang at 3am? Now, they were thinking about a national security issue. “Russia has invaded Puerto Rico.”(see spoof here)

Then and now I think Hillary could do a good job in the middle of the night so I was wondering if she could answer my phone when it rings at 4am, as it did last night. It also rang at 4:16am, 4:31am, 4:40am, 4:52. It’s scary to be woken up in the middle of the night. Rather it should be, but I wasn’t rattled, I was just tired and pissed. See, I knew there wasn’t crisis.

“Cousin Floyd” was agitated. New parents know the sleep deprivation of a newborn. But, grown up people can be more exhausting. THERE IS NOTHING CUTE ABOUT THEM. I don’t can’t have another Black Smoke day, but I’m exhausted. When Rex kept me up with his stomach bug we did spend parts of the day cuddled up on the couch watching cartoons. Now, I think I need to sleep and or find a support group.

But, most urgently, How do you block a number from calling your phone? Would Hillary know? Do you? Because I can’t function like this and my kids can’t either. Vivien was so upset at being woken up and I don’t blame here. It’s hard to have compassion at 4am, and 4:16, 4:31, 4:40…