With 31 gender identities, how will swingers know who the single guys are?

After watching the MTV movie awards I was left considering the category for “Best Actor.” Seemingly, this is not a new category, but apparently, it is. Best actor no longer refers to a man. It is a category to find the person who had the best performance. I wondered out loud why not best actor or actress but soon realized that times have changed and apparently there are currently (according to New York City) 31 gender identities. Yes, you read that right, 31. So in order to keep things simple, they call it best actor award.

Notably, the person who handed out this award, was Billions star Asia Kate Dillon, who identifies as gender non-binary (someone who doesn’t use specific gender pronouns, like “he” or “she”). Asia also plays a non-binary character on the show.

So what does this have to do with swinging? Well, for starters it made me think about how that would work at a swing club. The confusion would begin at check in. To begin with, swing clubs restrict single men to only a few nights a week. They do not accept men on Saturdays or Sundays. Single men can pay as much as $100 to get into a swing club, where single women are welcome every night and only pay about $10 — $15, depending on the club.

Let us now imagine that each state accepts 31 gender identities. That would mean that they must be treated equally. Fair enough but what happens when someone comes to sign in and they are not male or female but are “gender queer” or maybe “two-spirit”. Are they allowed in every night? If they are, do they pay $15 or $100?

With 31 gender identities to choose from, this could be both confusing and time consuming. The front desk would have to learn about each of the terms so that they would know how to handle each one according to the new rules that the clubs will need to address.

Finally the new person has entered the swing club and is ready to have a good time. The good thing about swingers is they are tolerant and open minded. This however, might be uncharted territory for some. Not because they are not open, but because it is new. When a couple is approached by a person who is not clear about their gender, this could be confusing.

Traditionally speaking, most swing clubs have men and women. Many people come to swing clubs looking for new experiences. Women wanting to play with other women and even some men are looking to play with other men. However, when confronted with a person who identifies as neither man nor woman, this could be awkward. Without knowing which gender the person is, both the man and woman would have to be open to anything. There are many men who enjoy watching their wife or girlfriend play with another woman, but they are not open to playing with another man.

I suspect the reason that this whole gender crisis would be of concern to swingers is because sex is involved. We cannot pretend that when sex is on the table, we don’t care who we are having it with. Swingers can be open minded, tolerant and inclusive as human beings, but as sexual beings, it is a bit more complicated. Most people want to know, before they are in a compromising position, who their partner is, and what type of sex they are capable of. It has nothing to do with prejudice or judging people, it has to do with plain old anatomy. A person who has male body parts, but identifies as a woman, might not be a good fit for a man who is straight. Even when a man seems completely interested in someone in the front of the club, if he has not been told that the person he is talking to is transgender or cross dressing, he does not have all the facts to make a decision. Same goes for a woman in a similar situation.

How do we fix this? Does this become part of the early night conversation? Will it become impossible to know what sex someone is without asking them?

I think we can all agree that everyone should be free to live life in a way that is comfortable for them. We don’t want to discriminate against anyone for any reason at all. As the LGBTQ community has gained acceptance, people have become more comfortable expressing themselves openly both in their private and public lives.

I’m sure over time we will continue to see more people in the lifestyle with different gender identities and sexual preferences. It might be a little confusing at first, but I’m sure we will figure it out as we go.