Sorry, The Curious Case of Ali Lohan, you tried it, but nobody brought the “two freshly bloomed lilies blowing in the spring wind” glamour the way that Lindsay Lohan and White Oprahdid in 2011.

London is currently being infected with double the Lohan, because Ali Lohan is now there with Lindsay Lohan. I would feel sorry for London, but we have faulty dildo Piers Morgan, so we’re even for now. Ali and LiLo look like a cross between a modern day, low-rent, public access at 2am version of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? and rejected cast members from The Real Housewives of Long Island. Ali and LiLo spent their night last night terrorizing the Love Magazine holiday party and the Chiltern Firehouse (aka the Chateau Marmont’s just as messy British cousin). So if you were at either of those places last night, you now know who took your stash, purse, coat and ring. If you’re saying to yourself, “No, no, my ring is safe, I’m wearing it.” Look down at your finger. Yup, it’s gone. Bitch is that good.

In some of these pictures, LiLo looks plastered, but I’m sure she’s just relaxed from all the chamomile tea she drank throughout the night and from all the crushed aspirin she snorted to soothe her headache.

And if you’re thinking to yourself that LiLo really needs to go to a Victoria’s Secret and steal herself a bra, you need to stop. LiLo’s tether ball tits are her signature look! Besides, she’s got plenty of support. Her belt is making sure that her boobs don’t hit her knees. So stop the jealousy and get into LiLo’s Newton’s Cradle chichis.

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