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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

That Famous Guy Left a Big Tip

Does anyone know who Sean Parker is without Googling him first? The name is familiar and you know you have heard it, but you're not quite sure why you know it. My first thought was that he is Spiderman's alter ego, but that's Peter Parker. And then I thought he was that actor from the American Pie movies, but that's Sean William Scott. Who the fuck is Sean Parker? Oh, yeah, he's the guy who had something to do with Facebook and Justin Timberlake played him in Social Network. Well, he's rich because he tipped a waitress $5,000 on a $6,000 check last week.

According to the Internet (so you know it's true) he partied at West Hollywood’s Beverly Club with friends Clark Kent, Diana Prince, Bruce Wayne and Tara Reid. The bar tab was $6,000 because Diana and Tara were doing body shots off of each other and they went through 21 bottles of Belvedere Vodka and a case of Red Bull. The one time I was at the Beverly, I don't recall it being that expensive. It was real nice though. It had a pool and a complimentary basket of chips and was surrounded by palm trees. It is possible I am thinking of a different Beverly though, so don't quote me. I stayed at the Beverly Garland Holiday Inn once so that might be what I am thinking. So this Sean guy has money flowing out of his butt like an ATM and he wanted to be generous, right? Or was it that the cocktail waitress had really big boobies and he was trying to impress her? Hmmm, I wonder which one it was:

Waitress: Is there anything else I can get you tonight?Sean: Do you know who I am?Waitress: Um, no I'm afraid I don't, but would you like anything else tonight?Sean: You're pretty.Waitress: Thank you very much. But seriously, do you need anything?Sean: You have great tits. You sure you don't know who I am?Waitress: Okay, I give up. Who are you?Sean: Ever hear of Napster?Waitress: Yeah, why?Sean: I invented that.Waitress: Oh my God, you did? That's amazing. I have one of them. My cat loves it.Sean: I'm sorry, what? Your cat has one?Waitress: Aren't you talking about the combination sleeping hammock/scratching post/cat nip dispenser thingy they sell at K-Mart?Sean: No, Napster was an online music sharing site that I created.Waitress: Oh, I always get those confused. That's cool, but I heard that you were just an early employee of Napster and that it was actually developed by Sean and John Fanning and you tried to take credit for it...Sean: Never mind. I was the president of Facebook. Justin Timberlake played me in the movie The Social Network. Pretty cool, right?Waitress: Yeah, I don't use Facebook. Is there anything else you need because I am wrapping it up here. Your check is $6.000, so if I could just get a credit card or something...Sean: Sure, babe, yeah. Here, just put it on my black American Express card and put a $5,000 tip on there for yourself, alright? Did I mention you have pretty boobies?Waitress: Oh, thanks. I'm a model.Sean: So just put that $5,000 tip on there, alright?Waitress: I will, thanks.

(two minutes pass)

Waitress: Here's your card Mr. Parker. And thanks for the tip, that's really sweet of you.Sean: Yeah, well, I'm rich. I was president of Facebook.Waitress: So you said.Sean: And there's plenty more where that came from...if you know what I mean. Nice tits, man, I mean, seriously.Waitress: Yeah, thanks nerd. Good night.

So I suspect that Sean Parker was flashing his money around and trying to impress everyone. Since no one knows who the fuck he is by looking at him, his only choice is to constantly remind people that he is important. Meanwhile, the waitress is at the bank depositing her money and planning on another boob job. I wish Sean Parker would sit in my station. I could use a $5,000 tip, that's for sure. My tits may not be as nice as the waitress's but at least I would know who Sean Parker was if he sat in my station.

Bitchy Waiter: Hey, you're that guy that Justin Timberlake played in that movie, right?Sean: Yes! Yes, I am! I'm Sean Parker!Bitchy Waiter: Cool! Can I have $5,000 now please?

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One perk of living and working in Ohio is that I almost never have to deal with celebs or pseudo-celebs, although sadly enough local politicians (and their WIVES) pull that kind of crap all the time. Maybe not the $5,000 tip (they couldn't afford that) - but they love dropping their own name and puffing themselves up with indignation when people ask, "I'm sorry, who are you?"

Haha, I just found your blog and I'm starting to get really addicted! A friend of mine gave me Waiter Rant for my birthday and I loved it, it's so nice reading stories about people who work(ed) in the industry. I'm out of that biz for now and trying to adjust to the 9-5 but I still retain my Service industry roots. In LA my friends and I have served a variety of celebs and we haven't gotten any $5,000 tips but we have some interesting stories!