Nemesis

I sometimes feel that I need to set priorities in life. Being a student of the 11th standard, I seem to have a constant lack of time and taste for doing things. Over that, being a science student, my thoughts of doing anything else is drowned by the fact that I’ve to mug up loads of facts, do thousands of questions and read about 200-years-old paradoxes to attain perfection in the art of science and experiment.

It is, therefore, not really hard to get distracted by the temptation of doing a lot of things, including just plainly staring at a wall to waste time. Believe me, I’ve done that more than I could imagine for myself.

So most of the time, it’s between a lot of chaos that I find time to write. It was one such time when I realised, I had nothing to write about. If we excluded the De Broglie Hypothesis about the wavelength of atomic particles… no I had nothing to write about. It filled me with dread just to know that I didn’t have any ideas to write. This wasn’t a long time back. Writing mostly comes not from the inside, but from the very top of the mind, the very front page of the brain where all the thoughts, emotions and ideas gather. Not putting a pen to the paper can make things go messy inside the mind. You can almost explode inside. And the worst part? You won’t even feel it.

The essence of being able to write, the ease of using words to describe the slightest emotions can slip away from the soul without a sound. Moreover, once something is gone, bringing it back is almost a Herculean task.

But I always say to people, if Hercules can do something, then why not any other turd on the block?

Handling everything in life at the same time is not an easy task. But God never sent us with a notice saying that he’ll make life easy. Having spent 16 years with myself, I can safely tell that it’s easy and even tempting to give up, but difficult to stand up and fight. An easy path is bound to give you a hard time in the future. Play it hard. Play it real.

But sometimes, it’s not playing it right that does it. It’s about the spirit. People compare you to a lot of people. In all this mess, we, or should I say, I generally forget that at last it’s my capability that I’m testing. It’s not the better person’s victory that matters, but my improvement.

I’m my own nemesis. I can make myself stop. I can damage my spirit. I can do a lot to myself. And I can also push myself beyond the limits and make a new high score.

Now that I’ve said all of this, let me say just this last thing.

Let these words walk along the dirty streets. Let them make their way across the crying grass. Let them stand and breathe and pant smoke on winter mornings. And when they’re tired and have fallen down, let them buckle to their feet and arc around me, watchful. I want these words to be actions.