Wednesday, May 02, 2007

I Need To Know Where We're Going

Brian and I have been having a pretty big conversation lately. I don't usually bring marriage type stuff to my blog, since this is, after all, a fairly public place.

But I feel the need to type this out.

Brian has been offered a job in Washington State, near both our families. He doesn't want it mostly because he doesn't want to sell the house and leave Colorado.

I, on the other hand, have been laid off from my second job in a row here, and feel less connected to this city & state, and would love to live near family, especially with a baby on the way.

The job doesn't start out paying a lot, but it's a living wage and there is a lot of potential for quick growth. It's in a field Brian would even enjoy.

Brian's currently working two jobs at absurd hours, and very low pay. One of these jobs is even temporary, so it will be over in September, and then we'll have one job between us, which is part time. This new job would give him a normal working week and he'd make as much or more than he is now.

You'd think he'd do this for the family, but instead all I get is push back.

I certainly thought a pregnant unemployed wife who wants to go home would trump the "I don't wanna's" coming out of my husband, but that's not the case.

It seems to make sense to everyone else I discuss it with. Yet he still thinks that he is right in resisting.

Never in a million years did I think that if I ever had to say "Take me home" under these conditions (with me pregnant and jobless, with a great job opportunity waiting for him) did I think my husband would balk at me. I always thought he'd say "Sure hon, let me take you home," even if he did lament leaving Denver.

Good to know I'm not alone in the housing/ location/ general life direction struggle. It's exhausting and discouraging. Why does everything have to feel so, I don't know, ominous? Permanent? Huge? I wish peace and guidence to you and Brian.