A Commentary Blog from An Freelance Writer and Expert Paramedic Hell Bent on making you think.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Ten Marriage Codes of Conduct: Repost

I feel that marriage is an antiquated institution that has lost all meaning to our society. Being married used to be the first step after maturing as an adult and the step next to death. But in my opinion it has become the bus stop of frequent travelers. The pomp and circumstance of being a Bride has overtaken the true essence of becoming a Wife. JUST as being a Groom has overtaken the true essence of being a Husband. And in my very humble opinion there should be a handbook, short course, test and lab before a marriage certificate is issued. This thought process may come as comedy to some and scathing cynicism to others but I don’t care.

If you look at the wedding announcements in any U.S newspaper you will see lots of photos of the smiling faces of Brides, amidst the gentle grimaces of the Grooms. This highly pretentious announcement should come with a score in the upper right hand corner of their photo. This score should dictate their direct understanding and passing of the Marriage Codes of Conduct. If it is a low score the guest should give only congratulatory cards with five dollar gift certificates. If it is a high score the guest should give to their hearts delight. If you are laughing, laugh at this…how many weddings have you attended where the marriage didn’t last as long as the flavor in a piece of Peppermint Gum? Seriously.

Having personally survived a divorce I went on a quest to understand what it took to make a marriage last. While transporting and interacting with literally hundreds of elderly couples I asked numerous questions. I wanted to see where I went wrong.Yes, I was wrong...some of the time.Some of their responses were prophetic and some of them were pathetic but the fact remained they were in relationships of longevity. The elder couples had almost an identical core of ethics that keep them together. I prefer to call them the Marriage Codes of Conduct. Ten of them are listed below:

10. Don’t mess with the money. I was told that addicts of any kind, gambling, fishing, hunting, whoring, will obliterate a marriage.

9. There is no such thing as, “Yours and Mine” there is only, “Ours.” One elderly woman said she was going to flatten her husband’s tires after his long night out with the boys, only to realize SHE would have to pay for them.

8. Think like a couple. I was told that newly married people mistakenly think in the plural instead of the singular.

7. You cannot blame 100 percent of a marriage’s mistakes on 50 percent of the relationship. Period.

4. Ex-wives, ex-husbands, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends, should under no circumstance provide: a soft shoulder, a listening ear, a word of wisdom, a place to visit or a nod of approval. They're EX's for a reason.

3. Marriages make children, children do not make marriages.

2. Love is one of the jewels of the relationship, not the ring. This surprised the complete hell out of me when a Wife of 40 years said, “There were years I didn’t love my husband.”

1.Trust is essential, respect is essential but responsibility to one another is of utmost importance.

In many of my conversations I found out that the older couples wanted their marriage to last. I found out that most of the couples felt if your potential spouse was horrible before the wedding they will be horrible later with a legally binding agreement. In my efforts I found out that the key to an extended marriage is the direct result of knowing WHO you are going to marry an accepting him or her and NOT hoping that through marriage they will change.