This is pretty much what Kathryn Murray wrote in Murray's 1964 booklet, "Arthur Murray's Dance Course" in the section on "Dance Etiquette."
My story is that I took AT classes for 6 months before I even went to a practica. Why? "Once you have accepted an invitation to a dance, you have automatically agreed to live up to the obligations it implies. You are expected ... above all, to be able to dance."
Sounds a lot more 40s than 60s, don't you think?
I agree that if you go to a milonga and dance with someone, you should be able to at least do basic AT.
And of course there are lots of caveats to this.

Well-Known Member

That is why I said -- "at least some". I do not believe it is too much to ask that a person who shows up at social dances and who expects people to dance with him or her learned to lead (or follow) at least some...

I do not want to argue with you or challenge anything you've said. I'm just asking for clarification. I thought you said you would not do a step unless it was clearly led, that you would not made adjustments at a milonga for the sake of a poor leader. If that's not what you said, please explain it to me.

It's my impression that followers often try to "help out" their partner in numerous ways, because they just want to, for whatever reason.

Well-Known Member

I do not want to argue with you or challenge anything you've said. I'm just asking for clarification. I thought you said you would not do a step unless it was clearly led, that you would not made adjustments at a milonga for the sake of a poor leader. If that's not what you said, please explain it to me.

It's my impression that followers often try to "help out" their partner in numerous ways, because they just want to, for whatever reason.

I would not back lead or change the weight on my own or guess what he was trying to lead and execute the step on my own. If it did not work, it did not work. We have to agree that it happens, and it does not have to make the leader (or follower for that matter) feel "poor".
There are better ways for a follower to help a less experienced leader, among them, knowing the music very well, having a great balance, not noticing and counting his "mistakes", being relaxed, calm, and patient, including in a most physical way -- waiting for the lead instead of guessing the step and jumping into it...
Interestingly, I find when I do that, very often the lead becomes clearer, people dance better, and the whole thing just works out better.

Well-Known Member

This is pretty much what Kathryn Murray wrote in Murray's 1964 booklet, "Arthur Murray's Dance Course" in the section on "Dance Etiquette."
My story is that I took AT classes for 6 months before I even went to a practica. Why? "Once you have accepted an invitation to a dance, you have automatically agreed to live up to the obligations it implies. You are expected ... above all, to be able to dance."
Sounds a lot more 40s than 60s, don't you think?
I agree that if you go to a milonga and dance with someone, you should be able to at least do basic AT.
And of course there are lots of caveats to this.

Moderator

I would not back lead or change the weight on my own or guess what he was trying to lead and execute the step on my own. If it did not work, it did not work. We have to agree that it happens, and it does not have to make the leader (or follower for that matter) feel "poor".
There are better ways for a follower to help a less experienced leader, among them, knowing the music very well, having a great balance, not noticing and counting his "mistakes", being relaxed, calm, and patient, including in a most physical way -- waiting for the lead instead of guessing the step and jumping into it...
Interestingly, I find when I do that, very often the lead becomes clearer, people dance better, and the whole thing just works out better.

Member

I tried to "correct" a leader at an advanced workshop while I was a newbie. I was so bad that I had no clue where I was. The best way to handle this situation is probably stop dancing with her for a while.

Well-Known Member

hello all,
Receiving a lot of criticism abouto my walk. she is a 3 week beginner but told me I don't collect enough and that I need to dance with more passion like I want to walk through her with long strides. I think she is believing her dance instructor's hyoe to dance in a showing off salon way. the kind of tsngo you could never do in small spaces. both are russians. otherwise she is very nice and I hzve enjoyed dancing with her until yesterday. it eats away at my confidence and next thiing I am dancing demoralized or stage tango

I have been dancing several years and pride myself on a porteno straight leg walk no one else has complained. I think she is on the wrong track. one guy she pointed out to me as a powerful dancer likes to stick his leg between hers --in a dirty dancing way ---yes she is a beauty.

next time I should disagree and tell her that I know what I am doing --- or that stage tango is not my way of dancing tango

what is your take on newbies telling you how to do it-- and how would you handle if you still want to dance with them.

Well-Known Member

The 'passion' is something that a beginner doesn't know. If that's what you're looking for, you'll never find 'it', even though I don't think 'passion' is a good word for it. It'll hit you when you least expect it, but you'll shake your head at the ugly word 'passion' is for what just crossed your path and how different it is from 'the passion' you thought you'd come across when you naively started to learn this dance.

I might add that 'tango, the passion' is an idiom that sends shivers through my spine despite the fact I met my wife at tango more than 20 years ago.