We’ve decided to shift things up a bit this month by inviting you to collaborate with a friend and come up with the Top Ten Ways to Spot a Werewolf (or you may still submit an entry by yourself). As you may recall in the Order of the Phoenix, James, Remus and Sirius have just completed their DADA O.W.L.

“Did you like question ten, Moony?” asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall. “Loved it,” said Lupin briskly. “‘Give five signs that identify the werewolf.’ Excellent question.” “D’you think you managed to get all the signs?” said James in tones of mock concern. “Think I did,” said Lupin seriously, as they joined the crowd thronging around the front doors eager to get out into the sunlit grounds. “One: He’s sitting on my chair. Two: He’s wearing my clothes. Three: His name’s Remus Lupin….” (OOTP, Ch. 28)

In the spirit of Fred and George, James, Sirius and Remus, we’d like your entries to be entertaining and without an iota of seriousness or factuality. Winners will be announced on Fred and George’s birthday–April 1, 2009.

As a bit of a backstory on how we came up with this contest, a few staffers got a little bored one day and started posting some snarky top 10 lists in one another’s profiles. The following is a little something Dreamteam and FredFan came up with for fw00per. We share it with you to give you an example of what we’re looking for:

Top 10 Ways You Know You’ve Been Living With Dragons Too Long

10) You confuse the soft touch of a woman with the hide of a dragon.9) The words “playing with fire” take on a deeper, more painful meaning.8) You begin to like the frizzled look of your hair.7) You realise you’re saving money because you no longer need to wax your legs”it’s being burned off on a regular basis.6) You hum the words to the song “Torn Between Two Lovers” while trying to decide if you’re going to fly the Norwegian Ridgeback or Chinese Fireball.5) You stop wearing dragonhide boots because nice guys don’t wear “family”.4) Unlike Harry, you really do have a Hungarian Horntail tattooed across your chest. 3) You feel a sudden chill when you are away from your work and take to wearing winter coats in the middle of summer.2) You refuse to marry because no woman can light your fire the way a dragon does.1) When a Healer asks you to hop onto the scales, you climb onto the back of a Common Welsh Green.

General Rules:

Anyone over the age of 13 may enter the contest, including staff members who are not involved in the judging process.

One entry per person or team (a maximum of two people may collaborate).

All Top Ten lists submitted must be the original work of the contestant/s (and not the work of Remus Lupin). Any entry found to contain the work of another author will be disqualified.

All entries must meet PG-13 standards of decency and good taste.

The first place winner/s will receive a custom made wand donated by Wizard Wood Wands.

If you have any questions not answered on the FAQ, or would like to discuss this Contest, please come to the Contest Corner forum of The Leaky Lounge.

All submissions must be e-mailed to [email protected] by 11:59 pm (EST) on 22 March, with “Werewolf Top 10″ in the subject line of the e-mail. Please copy-paste your top 10 list into the body of the e-mail and include a name to be used for authorship (real name or Leaky Lounge name).

UPDATE: Winners have been picked!

First Place: Brendan Lane

10. Is a great keeper in Quidditch, but oddly only uses his mouth to catch the ball.9. After class asks if you want to go to the great hall for some “Scooby Snacks”8. Leaves the room whenever a Coors Light ’ Silver Bullet commercials come on TV.7. Walks a circle around his bed three times before going to sleep at night.6. Doesn’t own a towel, he dries off with a vigorous shake after a shower.5. Constantly goes on and on how the Stray Cats are an overrated band.4. When studying werewolves in Defense Against the Dark Arts, raised hand and asked the professor if they should be called “Nocturnal Canines” instead.3. Has a subscription to Moon Cycle Monthly2. He asked the professor if he could go to the hospital wing because his nose was dry.1. Goes to Hogwarts with his head out the window on the Hogwarts Express

Second Place: Lucy Todd

Please note: I have decided to make mine a female werewolf, just for a change!

10) She has facial hair which no amount of bleaching or waxing could control9) She names Canine Classics ‘Old Yeller’ and ‘Homeward Bound’ as her favourite films8) She has scared-off a dozen pedicurists with her unfileable toenails7) She loves a good joke so she can howl with laughter6) She can smell a butcher’s shop from 5 miles away5) She describes X-Men’s Wolverine as her ideal man4) She claims to be allergic to silver3) She believes the so-called ‘baddie’ in ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ was misunderstood2) She refuses to eat out because she is yet to find a restaurant that understands the meaning of RARE steak1) She seems to have two ‘time-of-the-months’, one of which varies according to the lunar cycle

Third Place: tryston009

10. Someone is shedding profusely”and it’s not your cat.9. You find out the story of Little Red Riding Hood was incorrectly translated and it makes you laugh for some reason.8. You keep finding clothes naturally ripped to shreds.7. The meat in the freezer has gradually been getting rawer and rawer.6. Someone picks a hair off your sweater and asks what kind of pets you have at home and you have no answer.5. You could’ve sworn someone was streaking past the window late at night, but can’t remember anything else.4. The pet door on your porch is three times the normal size¦3. You wake up feeling like you’re hungover”and you know you had nothing to drink the night before.2. Hide-and-seek in the dark has become boring.1. Every Halloween people keep generously complimenting you on how real your costume is.