Thursday, September 12, 2013

Onwards and Upwards

I have struggled, fought nail and tooth, crying through the
pain…wiping the tears, and snot in some cases, away and carried on.

I have persevered.

I occasionally gave up, flat-face upon the floor and said,
“It is too great a burden for me to bear, I give. You win.” until some person
or event came along that spurred me into action once again, and I continued the
fight.

I have run as far as I could and fast as I could, and I have
journeyed one faltering step at a time.

And now, I am here.

I AM that girl I hoped I would be one day.

Throughout the worst days of my sickness with Lyme disease,
I kept a piece of paper tacked to the wall beside my bed so I could read what it had to say easily and frequently. It was a description of a girl….how she was tan from
being outside all day long, doing the things she loved. How she was strong from
pushing her body to be the healthiest, strongest, most inhospitable to
disease and sickness it could be. It talked about how the girl had a job from
home that she LOVED and that allowed her to travel with…It was a description of the
faint hope I was holding onto, that I would someday come out the other side of
the pain and sickness and be able to start living life to the fullest.

I AM THAT GIRL NOW.

I just realized that fact a moment ago, but I am her.

It’s incredibly exciting. And freeing.

Don’t ever give up on the woman you want to be, the life you
want. It may not happen right away. It took 5 years of painful struggling for
me, and I know I still have a long ways to go. But, if you never give in and keep
going, you will get there.