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Okay, lets remember that I am an employment attorney not a domestic relations attorney but I will pass along a bit of what I learned from my visit to a DR attorney in NC:

There is a claim for abandonment in NC, if I remember correctly if you can show abandonment, it will be a factor the judge considers in determining the amount of spousal support.

In NC, the law says there is a "dependent" spouse and a "supporting" spouse. Obviously, the supporting spouse makes more money and thus has to "support" the dependent spouse. Then, there are other factors that the court considers (cost of living for each spouse, infidelity, abandonment, etc.)

The judge will look at your expenses and determine the standard at which you were both living as a couple. She then determines what percentage of the income each spouse contributed to that standard of living. Let's say you contributed 40% and H contributed 60%, then the starting point is H has to give you 10%. If there are "aggravating" factors by the supporting spouse, such as infidelity, the amount can be raised, (Note that if there are agrravating factors by the dependent spouse, the dependent spouse could lose all right to the support - so do not do anything that even remotely resembles a date until you have been separated for more than one year). The rule of thumb for the length of time support lasts is 1/2 of the years of marriage. So if married 10 years, you get 5 years of support.

Given that your H is involved in an A, if he was honest with the attorney, he is probably already worried about that factor. He will not want to add abandonment to the mix. (By the by, Tawnya, keep the copy of the bank statement you have with H and OW's name on it and don't you move out of that house.)

Again, I am giving you the, "I am not a divorce attorney" disclaimer, but I am an attorney and I took copious notes when I met with my DR attorney.

LOL {{V}} I appreciate and certainly won't hold you to any of that, I remember most of that from you telling me that before..I guess, what you are saying is, I'm trying to read between the lines of the 40%/60% so he'd have to give me 10% deal..I have no idea if that is per month/year/pay check or what..but, am I reading it right that, let's say our monthly income combined was $5000, he would have to give me $500 (10%?)..I am just throwing out an easy number here? LOL..

NO..definitely not moving out of the house for sure..was really just more wondering if I had recourse if I ever really wanted HIM to leave..still have the bank statement with the OW name on it tucked away..

I am a bad numbers girl, so forgive me. Essentially, you are right. The problem is it becomes a little more complex if you separate. The courts will look at your monthly costs, like your mortgage, bills, food, etc. and they will look at his, rent, bills food, etc. They will then look at your individual incomes and force him to help you to the extent he did in the past and to the extent he can.

This means that if he is smart, he'll go out there and rent a very expensive apartment. The higher his own expenses the less he has to help you. But you have a financial advantage in that he will have to abandon you to do so.

Sorry I cannot be more helpful. I can find the statute citation for you and post it here and you can look at the rules (the NC General Statutes are available online) and do your own math.

OK..so hope I don't lock my thread, but I have to post a bit about what I did tonight..I think Puppy will at least smile since he is the "confront" type

OK..so I decided on Friday that I wanted to try to find this OW, either to talk to her and/or her husband. I was not able to do it, and then kinda talked myself out of it today for a while. Then, hub comes home, after our talk about not talking to OW in the house, I hear him outside with our "dog" (excuse) talking to OW on the phone