Where Should 'The Situation' Spend His $5 Million Fortune?

You may have read the bad news this morning from our Seaside Heights bureau: Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is estimated to make about $5 million this year from his MTV contract, endorsement deals, and an advance on his autobiography. Oh, life! You hysterically unfair thing. After this traumatizing bulletin, we can only offer perspective by suggesting what The Situation should purchase with his fresh-to-death fortune.

· A large, hollowed Faberge egg that doubles as a Snooki carrying case.

Comments

Three things to take comfort from this news...
1. The money will be spent wildly and fast, thus stimulating the economy.
2. Sales on the ghost written autobiography will be poor because the only people that interested in him can't read. Hopefully teaching publishers to stop pissing away money on reality skanks.
3. He'll be off the air forever within six months of a studio wasting millions on a movie vehicle for him.