Have you lived and worked overseas as an adult or accompanied your parents on international assignments as a child, and upon return to your home culture felt like you had “Come Home to a Strange Land” ?

Engage in thought provoking discussions with Dr. Paulette Bethel around issues of identity, transition, cultural fusion and repatriation to the place we call “home.”

September 15, 2007

The Case of the Wanderlust Job Seeker

I am an avid fan of Dr. Robin Smith, a licensed psychologist and guest expert on Oprah and Friends™ Radio. I especially love it when Dr. Robin opens her show with a gem that she weaves from her own life that you just know is chocked full of empowering metaphors designed to inspire her listeners in meeting the challenges of their own daily living.

During one of Dr. Robins’ recent call-in shows, a guest phoned in to ask questions about her difficulties with choosing and settling on one career that she would love and be able to stick with. Dr Robin immediately goes into action asking skillfully worded questions designed to elicit information from her caller regarding her dreams and desires for a career and to pin-point the caller’s issues surrounding her career dilemma.

The caller struggled.

As the call progressed and the questions became more artful, the more the caller seemed to struggle with finding the answers.

There I was in the car listening to the show and thinking, “Is this young woman possibly a TCK?” At one point I found myself talking to the radio and animatedly saying, “Ask her questions about what her parents did for a living?”

I wanted to know! Was her Mother in the military? Was her father a missionary? Did she spend part of her developmental years living overseas? And then this magical moment happened… this 30-something caller shared that she typically goes through a 2-3 year cycle of changing jobs, primarily due to her no longer enjoying the job and no longer understanding, or even liking, the people that she works with!

Ahhh – there it is… Could it be possible? Is she a TCK? I lean forward in anxious anticipation….

To my utter disappointment, the call heads into a different direction and closes. This call ended with no real resolution for the caller with respect to her developing more insight and understanding about what might be happening for her… no questions that might have elicited a background that could account for her workforce wanderlust. I also noted that this was not a typical ending when listeners call into the show looking for answers to their concerns. Usually the conversation ends with the caller expressing some type of “aha” moment or at least the recognition that they have a better understanding og the situation that led them to call into the show. My felt sense was that, in this case, the caller had not found the resolution that she was hoping to find

Is it possible that the reason that Dr Robin Smith did not have her usual bull-eye hit when responding to the questions and concerns of her callers was because her caller was a TCK?

While this situation may certainly not have been the story of a TCK in crises, it did lead to my musing about how often helping professionals miss the opportunity to help TCKs who may be struggling with issues of unresolved grief, wanderlust and rootlessness, cultural identity, feelings of alienation, etc., because they do not even know to ask the right questions.

How often do teachers and school counselors miss the opportunity to learn that an underlying part of why a child may be isolating or appear aloof in the classroom is intricately connected to their lived experiences that stem from having spent several years outside of their home culture?

As I mentioned in a previous posting, Vicki Lambiri suggests 10 areas of research that she believes demands our attention and requires further study by and for the benefit of the intercultural community of academics, practitioners and consultants, as they serve the expatriate community. I would like to suggest one more area of research that I believe requires more attention.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I would like to propose that more research and increased awareness is needed within the counseling field for understanding the experiences of multi-mover families and impacts of growing up in cultures outside of their passport culture.

What would it mean if psychologists and counselors were to include questions that are designed to elicit this type of information designed, as part of their routine intake, when meeting new clients?

Given our increasing globalization, it might be prudent for the helping profession to consider that the possibility that their new client might be a TCK or ATCK.

How have you been affected by having spent part of your childhood or adolescent years abroad?

Comments

Hi Chryss,

I am a thirty-something TCK who also has a tough time connecting in my world. I know exactly what you are going through. I was led to your blog entry by the author of the blog who is also my mother. I told her when I saw the topic of her blog I immediately thought of myself and she shared with me that I was the reason she had written this entry.

I am currently an instructor at an adult college and I often wonder if my students knew I had never held a job for more than 4 years they would immediately stop listening to me.

I too spent many of my formative years in another country and I find that it is difficult for me to relate to many people. The people I relate to best are also TCKs. I assume this is from the shared experience. I continue to work on these "quirks" but it is a struggle everyday. I truly believe that I will find the place where I do belong but in the meantime I am excited that my mother and others in this field are continuing to make breakthroughs in understanding our unique position in this world.

If you would like to contact me regarding your experiences I would be more than happy to connect with you.

Thank you for your wonderful post. I believe that there are many ATCKs that have gone through the very experiences that you described, but until they discover the work that has been done regarding the Third Culture lifestyle, they have not had the language to adequately describe to themselves and others "what they are feeling.

As a licensed counselor, I wholeheartedly agree about your observations regarding being a TCK/ATCK. I use every opportunity that I can to educate my colleagues about why having this understanding is very critical to their practice. I would love to chat with you more on this topic.

This is great! I'm so excited to have found this, so I apologize for my verbosity in advance.

I am 34 and only recently realized that parts of me I had though "defective", are actually a result of me being an adult third culture kid.

My family moved to Tokyo, Japan, when I was 9 and we left when I was 15. Returning to the States was AWFUL, probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I didn't fit in, my parents didn't understand, and I was resentful that we stayed long enough for my brother to graduate high school, whereas I was only half-way.

Even now, 19 years later, I find myself still angry, homesick, and suffer from an awful wanderlust and a sense of not really belonging anywhere. When I lived in Tokyo, it was the last time I really felt like I belonged, but since I missed the last two years of high school, it's almost impossible to reconnect with those friends now.

Moreover, I have had the same job/friends issues as the "caller" you mentioned. Many times I just get "tired" of my friends and find myself not liking them and then ending the friendship with little or no explanation. Same thing with jobs; I get bored and need to move on, not only from the job, but often from the place where I am living. The idea of settling down sickens and scares me, but at the same time, part of me really wants to want that stability, but I know I would never be happy.

I wish more counselors knew about this, I've actually been to a couple to try and deal with my "issues", but none of them, not even ones I saw in high school, right after moving back, seemed to realize that the fact that I am a ATCK makes all the difference. Yes, I may be depressed at times, ADD, whatever, but there's a reason and that needs to be addressed for me to be able to move on. It may not be chemical - perhaps situational. I'm still grieving for the loss of my home and my life when we left Japan. As I read in the TCK book, my whole world disappeared when that airplane door shut.

Please feel free to contact me if you'd like any more information or might know someone similar to me who would also like to connect.