Howdy. It’s been a while. There are many updates about the Tokyo Cultural Center and The Tokyo Think Tank to report on, but i’ll save that for its own post. For now, enjoy the newest edition of famous lookalikes!

I have a newfound habit of waking up drunk in the morning and lying in bed talking to no one and telling myself jokes until i sober up. Yesterday was one of those mornings.

While having a nice chuckle trying to recount the previous night’s goings on, I was treated to this new promo for “Throwdown with Bobby Flay” that erupted a geyser of social commentary and criticism spoken to everyone in my bedroom (myself). Sooo, i figured I’d share it with you too. Here’s the video:

On first watch i couldnt tell whether i should laugh or cry. This jingle is just so…so…bizarre.

Now, I’m no poet laureate, but i’m pretty sure its inadvisable to rhyme “Bobby Flay” with “Bobby Flay.” Though the fact is that those lines might be the only ones in the commercial that actually rhyme.

Don’t you do market research, Food Network? Who gave you the green light to put that jingle in the commercial? Was it a focus group of drunken third graders who had been listening to too many christmas carols? Oh, it was? Well that makes sense now.

Yes, I will still watch throwdown. No, i will not watch any less food network. I just feel kind of bad for Bobby Flay. As if it weren’t bad enough that food network makes him lose to sub-par competitors on his own show, they now make him seem wussier than ever with this new promo. Apparently they’ve also hired the Easter bunny as his wardrobe stylist (see 0:07 of the video).

Earlier this week, girls around the world proclaimed to “like it” everywhere. Maria Gleeson likes it on the dining room table. Carly Ann likes it under the table, where no can see it. Really ladies? That seems uncharacteristically hookerish of the both of you.

Alas, it appears these promiscuous declarations were nothing more than a ruse to get guys asking questions about breast cancer, the preeminent “no boys allowed” club. If you don’t know what I’m talking about check this out.

So ladies, you weren’t telling us where you REALLY like it were you? You were just referring to where you leave your purse? Well I really do “like it” in outdoor parks at night. But you wouldn’t, WOULD you ladies? For you that would mean liking it in the arms of that crackhead running the other way. The one who sleeps in the tunnel slide.

Tyra Banks Likes Hers Made In A Thai Sweat Shop

It crushed me to find out all those floozy facebook statuses were aimed at raising awareness for something respectable. It was like finding out that a kid in your class is openly gay. Now you feel awkward when you accidentally aim an innocuous “fag” remark at your friend. You honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone. I still want to rip on Sorority Girls. But now it just feels crude………….

Ahh, Pizza. A luscious luxury for some, a lifesource for others. Never has a recipe as simple as sauce, bread and cheese birthed so many delicious reincarnations as well as disgusting corruptions.

I am a man who knows his pizza (yes, i am from new york. Yes, we have the best pizza. Yes, i am a great driver. And yes, New Jersey fucking reeks). Unfortunately though, going to school in College Park doesn’t afford me the greatest selection of primo pizza. Alas, i still need my fix from time to time.

Today i will attempt to tackle a debate that has been going on since the invention of the holy pie itself: What’s the best way to reheat pizza?

This post required a lot of cutting-edge, first-hand research that I’ve graciously documented for your learning pleasure. Let’s start with the hardware: 1 partially eaten and cooled to room temperature cheese pizza from the locally-famous Ratsie’s:

Appetizing? Mehh....

Hit the jump to see G-man turn up the heat (literally and figuratively)!!!