There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fun things for professors to do on the first day of class:

1.Wear a hood with one eye hole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.2.After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.3.After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"4.wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.5.Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"6.Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask 'me', Winky Willy."7.If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"8.Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in you grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk."9.Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird."10.Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.11.Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.12.Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.13.Announce "you'll need this," and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.14.Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.15.Start the lecture by dancing and lip-synching to James Brown's "Sex Machine."16.Ask occasional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.17.Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.18.Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.19.Address students as "worm."20.Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any moment.21.Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Sometimes I'm just too tired to even try to befunny.

Four days down, two to go.

Two closes down, and two to go, and after closing, my feet literally feel like I'm walking on pins and needles.

Don't ask me which feels worse, the pins or the needles.

On the positive side, at least I don't feel that way when I sit down.

Also on the positive side, I absolutely positively need to get to the bedroom and use my bed.

I like to lay on it and do my impression of a paper weight.

Actually I think it's more like a sheet weight.

The only thing I like doing more than that is lying on the couch doing my impression of a vegetable.

OY! I hope these old feet will carry me all the way back there.

Although I have some experience with crawling, I prefer to keep that option as a last resort.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (11/30/1201:25 AM)

_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good morning and happy day gameboomers.Junior had a little accident yesterday.He fell and hit his head near his eye in the corner of the table in the living room.Imagine what happens after...Any way,he is fine but with a rip near his eye Well off to work

_________________________
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Good morning everyone - sorry not popped by for a while, things not going so well as per usual.Hope everyone and their pets are well & happy. Last day of week off and just about to go to the zoo. Hot chocolate drink with calorie free whipped cream in the corner for you all - its icy today.

Good morning. Thanks Joe for your openers this morning.You got me laughing. Have a great day. Morning Sue, Haroula, Jenny, Gerry, and all who follow me in. Jenny it's so good to see you here in the diner. Hope you are well. I have an early shift this morning. See you guys later. Be good. Exercise

I'm up and sipping and surfing for a minute before I leave for my eye doctor's appointment. The Cully here lying on the couch upside down whilst playing Mario. Son (dad) is still quite sick, and going back to lie down til I have to leave.

I have cleaning and book cooking in my future, and apparently petting dogs as my hand is being flung off the keyboard with regularity.

Back later

_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

Good afternoon boomies. Not in the corner yet, still waiting, but I had to zoom off to Zumba this morning and then was on the phone with daughter for a long time. Now I am fed and ready to run the dogs in the woods.

I found a large hornets nest yesterday. Hornets nestI know where not to walk next spring.