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moving on in christmas

After 4 years, 1 month and 8 days, both of us had finally given up. For the past four years, I had this feeling that however good it was, it’s not gonna last. Probably because I’ve been his biggest secret all those four years that we’ve been together. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I received an IM from him telling me that things are not the way they used to because there’s currently an obstacle, that there’s something that he’s not been telling me because he might end up losing me. I was asking him how bad would that secret be? he just said that he might lose me and he doesn’t want that to happen because I was his first love. Then the next messages I’ve been getting both from texts and IMs are all about him being scared… (sigh…) So, I just put him out of his misery and told him that whatever it is that he just can’t tell me, I don’t want to know since it’s torturing him to know that I’ve been pestering him to let me know. I told him that we can just call it quits, that maybe it’s now time to give up since he told me that everything’s no longer gonna be the same. Sounds as if he already made a decision for both of us, sounds as if whatever we have is now hopeless.. And like the good boy that he is, he did as he was told. Walang pagdadalawang isip…Akala mo hindi nya sinabing ayaw nyang magkahiwalay kami.. We lost contact and he’s no longer reaching out. I deleted his new number (good thing I decided not to memorize it), funny thing is, everything still seemed normal. Why? because he rarely texts (claiming that he’s phone is busted and he does’t have anyone to borrow cp from), he rarely leaves IM (claiming that he rarely goes online these days despite their broadband connection) and he very rarely ever calls. I must admit, everytime I go online, there was a tiny spark of hope that he might have left a message for me, and when there is none, I would get disappointed and realize that it’s not something new. My cellphone will beep but I don’t have to expect that it’s him… and when the phone rings… well, it was never him anyway. Asking him to call is like pulling a tooth out of him.

On the bright side of things, I have a lot of wonderful friends who immediately came to my side… I thought when I left HSBC I’ll never find another clique who’d care.. My friend Ms. Bad Attitude hade cried for me and Doc gave me a comforting hug…. Beeann immediately welcomed me to the SMP club, and Crissy volunteered to smack my ex’s arse, he he he… well, sabi nga ni nanay ang lakad laging pasulong at kahit gano pa kaganda saka kasaya yung mga dating moments, hindi na mababalik pa… how true.. and how sad..

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