Dogs sleep near the 'leader of the pack,' vroom, vroom

by Clay Thompson - Mar. 19, 2010 12:00 AMThe Arizona Republic

Today's question:

Why do dogs always sleep at the foot of the bed instead of closer up to the headboard?

That's a pretty good question and there seems to have been some serious research done on such questions, which leads one to ask, "Don't our research scientists have anything better to do than studying where dogs sleep on the bed?"

However, there do seem to be some different explanations of this matter. Here's one that makes the most sense to me:

You're the alpha male or alpha female, the leader of the pack, right?

Remember that song, "Leader of the Pack"?

Probably not. You're too young. I only know about it because . . . um . . . er . . . because my grandma used to sing it to me. That's it - my grandma sang it to me as a lullaby.

It was about a guy named Jimmy who apparently was the leader of a motorcycle gang, vroom, vroom. But his girlfriend's friends were always putting him down, down. They said he came from the wrong side of town, town. Anyway, Jimmy and his motorcycle -vroom, vroom - wiped out one night. I forget the circumstances of the fatal crash, but it solved the friends-wrong-side-of-town problem. Still, the singer seemed to miss him.

But I digress.

You're the leader of the pack, so you get the best place to sleep, pillow and all. Some of your favorites may be allowed to share the bed as long as they stay in an inferior spot like the foot of the bed.

And members of the pack lower down in the order have to sleep in whatever spot they can find, like out in the bushes or on the bathroom rug or at a cheap motel.

Of course, if they're cats they're going to sleep wherever they damn well please.