Bring up the subject of lousy Thanksgiving meals at your next dinner party, and you’ll find that everyone has at least one story to share, or at least some funny memories of major meals gone wrong.

My gourmet meal-loving friend Kayla (not her real name, as she doesn’t want to get cut off the family tree) once asked her sibling to bring the dressing to her annual Thanksgiving gathering. Instead, the family member walked in the door and handed Kayla two cardboard boxes of Stove Top Stuffing — not yet made, although dinner was within the hour.

And everyone, it seems, has a story about frozen turkeys. One friend’s sister forgot to take out the bird. Trying to help his hysterical sister, he microwaved the frozen fowl … for four hours. (For the record, he doesn’t recommend his method.)

Exhausted from trying to create the perfect meal from scratch for my in-laws, I once made pie so tough, I couldn’t get a knife through it. My aunt saved the day by showing up with store-bought pumpkin pie in hand. And it was delicious.

Maybe you are preparing a feast for friends and family on our upcoming Thanksgiving weekend. Or maybe you’re a guest at a fancy gathering. Either way, you likely have heard or experienced a cringeworthy moment or two at your own Thanksgiving gathering.

Those drunken relative stories? We’ll let you figure out that problem on your own.

But here are a few common culinary issues we’re facing this time of year, plus tips from Calgary chefs on how to overcome them.

But really, he says, all the family really wanted were the typical turkey, pie, potatoes and dressing.

“Nowadays I try to run things a little more laid-back,” he says.

That includes dishes — one of the things that trigger his own version of holiday stress. “We put all the dirty dishes into a couple of big Rubbermaid bins and leave them in the cold all night,” he says.

“That way, we don’t worry about doing dishes and we can just enjoy the festivities.”

But, according to the Canadian Turkey Marketing Agency, “Never thaw your turkey at room temperature.”

Instead, keep it in the fridge and “allow five hours of thawing time per pound/10 hours per kilogram,” according to canadianturkey.ca.

If you forget to take it out of the freezer a day or so in advance, you can rush-thaw it using the cold water method. “Keep the turkey in its original wrapping. In a large container, cover the turkey completely with cold water. Change the water at least every hour. Allow one hour of thawing time per pound/two hours per kilogram,” according to the Canadian Turkey Marketing Agency.

3. Remember you don’t actually have to cook turkey.

Cam Dobranski, chef and owner of Winebar Kensington and Brasserie Kensington, says he’s been cooking Thanksgiving dinner at his house for about the past decade or so, but he usually cooks a goose. “Turkey is turkey. You can get them all the time,” he says. “But goose, you can usually only buy in the fall.”

He then breaks the bird down into pieces. He brines the breast before roasting, and he turns the legs into confit. The bones? They become soup or sauce.

“Goose is a little more fun and people are more interested in eating it because they haven’t had it at every other family member’s place all week.”

Chef Cam Dobranski offers up advice for Thanksgiving Dinner. -

4. But maybe you want to eat turkey.

“There’s something nostalgic about cooking a turkey,” Dobranski says. When he cooks one, he prefers to break the bird down into parts, just like he does with goose. He then cooks each part separately, typically brining the breast meat and turning the legs into confit. And occasionally he deep-fries a turkey, too. “You have to be really careful,” he says. “But it turns out pretty awesome.”

Sounds like too much work? Consider buying a ready-made Turkey Dinner Pie at Pie Cloud (piecloud.ca). “Rosemary and sage dressing is actually the pie crust, filled with fresh roast turkey and gravy and vegetables, with mashed potatoes on top,” says Pie Cloud owner Maureen DePatie. “It comes with a side of cranberry relish on top. It’s our number 1 seller.”

Order in advance, though, as the Pie Cloud team makes each one fresh to order.

5. Watch those knife skills. No one wants to spend Thanksgiving dinner at the hospital.

Calgary chef Paul Rogalski, co-owner of Rouge and Bistro Rouge, doesn’t have any bad cooking stories; if he does, he’s not sharing them with us.

What he does say, though, is that his family will do almost anything for those first few bites of crispy turkey skin — even if it means risking a digit or two. There have been “many close calls,” he says. “It is very dangerous working with a big knife and a whole bunch of fingers reaching in and grabbing bits and pieces of turkey while I’m carving.”

6. Make the world’s greatest pie.

First, start by buying good ingredients: fresh spices, good-quality fruit and real butter. “It’s really important to start with the best quality ingredients,” says DePatie. “This is not the place to scrimp.”

And follow the recipe. “Pastry is more about science than art. You have to preheat your oven and chill your dough,” DePatie says. “And don’t mess around with it too much. We make our pastry early in the morning, when the kitchen is still cold.”

Pie Cloud owner Maureen DePatie with some of the seasonal fruit and pumpkin pies as well as a turkey dinner pie she has available.Gavin Young Gavin Young /
Postmedia

7. Or buy your pie. (We won’t tell.)

Pie Cloud makes plenty of pumpkin pies this time of year, as well as pecan pies, apple and a cranberry meringue, too.

“We also have one with brown butter custard and a caramelized pear,” she says. “The brown butter gives the custard just a little more flavour.”

DePatie won’t tell your family if you try to pass off her desserts as your own. But, she says, you’ll still need to order in advance.

“We have a giant stack of ovens,” she says. “But they can only run so long.”

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