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Saturday, March 15, 2003

No place for rats in my life

Yesterday was one of the worst days in my memory. I had never become so emotional in my life before- I have this habit well.... not cultivated so can't call it a habit I guess- nature should do-..... I don't talk... I can't talk or get the words out when I am really angry and people get mislaid by that. They think just because I bottle up things when I am angry (not at other times believe me - I am very assertive!) that I am not angry or upset or that the intensity of my feelings are any less. Whenever I reflect on such a situation later, I always have a vague feeling of discontent that first starts with me (I get angry cos I got angry) and then spreads to all the other ppl and aspects involved in the situation. To think that people who have been with me for a long time (both my family and friends) do not have capability to know when I am angry is well ... dissatisfying!! Anyways one thing is sure- I am very easygoing in forgiving but forgetting is a whole new ball game. And on this day I learnt what I think a lesson that I will never forget throughout my life which is -one should always put oneself first and to hell with others- friends, foe... doesn't matter. Family is different- your ma, pa, sis, bro they obviously come first, never mind, that u are attached to other ppl more... cos u know why? They are the stayers whereas others are nothing but rats that desert the ship at the first sign of trouble. I have been a rat many times in my life no doubt but sorry there is no place for rats in my life!!! ...I am going to grow up finally- and do you know what am going to miss the most??? myself :