Her true nature revealed itself when we left for a presentation off-campus.I knew it’d be horribly boring and tedious but it was the sort of thing my previous boss—in all his crunchy elitism—would’ve gobbled up.She didn’t know any better so she agreed to go and insisted upon driving.

I followed her leopard print kitten heels across the parking lot to her shimmery blue Mercedes and waited for her to finish fluffing her curly brown bangs in the rearview mirror.As soon as she put it in Drive I knew my life was in danger.

“You’ll want to stay in the left lane,” I said.

She pursed her lips, obviously annoyed that I’d interrupted her story about how someone at a restaurant told her she was beautiful. But it was important– we were nearing a roundabout and she needed to stay in the left lane or else we’d be stuck in the wrong direction.

“This lane?” she asked, veering to the right.

“No, no, the left lane,” I said again.“Then go straight through the roundabout.You’ll take the second exit so we just keep heading West.”

She nodded, seeming to understand.

“So anyways,” she went on. “All my son’s friends know I’m the Cool Mom because I’m okay with buying condoms for all of them—“

She suddenly jerked the car to the right.

“You said this way, right?”

“No! Go THROUGH the roundabout.”

She swerved back into the left lane and sailed towards the roundabout, completely disregarding the bright red YIELD sign.I was about to thank God for there not being any other cars trying to pass when BLAM!

She’d failed to actually go ROUND the bout and hit the break just as we sailed over the curb, screeching to a stop in the middle of the concrete circle.

“Oh,” she said.“I was probably supposed to drive around it, huh?”

I died laughing. There was no way I could hold it in.I waited for her to join me, thinking it’d be a bonding moment.This is how I make all my friends, like “Hey, remember that time I was a moron?”

But no.She just stared at me.We were idling motionless in the center of the roundabout, surrounded by immaculately cultivated flower beds, and she didn’t find it the least bit funny.

Another car drove around us, staring in open-mouth shocked at the two of us parked in the center of the roundabout.My new boss thought for a moment then put on her blinker and hit the gas, launching us back into the flow of traffic.It was taking everything within me to not start laughing again.I tried to ease the tension by making conversation.

“Yeah roundabouts are a little confusing if you’re not used to them.”

“Well they have them all over my neighborhood,” she said dismissively.

This didn’t help.I could silence the laughter but I couldn’t prevent my body from shaking with it.We barely made it to the first red light before I lost it again.The whole time she just sat there with a face of stone, completely incapable of seeing what was so funny.

I made it through the evening by saving my silent tears of laughter for the darkness of a power point presentation.Later that night I tried to tell Alex the story but couldn’t make it.I kept picturing what it must have looked like to see us sailing straight into that landscaped barrier.I could feel the terror of her car’s bumper screaming, “abort, abort, abort!”

My stunted storytelling must have exhausted Alex because he promptly passed out when we made it to bed.I lay on my back for a while, listening to the rhythmic sound of his breathing.My thoughts drifted to life’s great questions— then I pictured the way our heads snapped forward when she hopped that curb.

I lost it.

Alex lunged forward, frightened from sleep and ready to fight off a home invader.But there was no invader, only my bellowing laughter echoing in the night.Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re actually safe.Not at all.Because I’m pretty sure the scariest thing in the world is a person who can’t laugh at themselves.Someone like that is not to be trusted.

I could not agree more. A person with no sense of humour has something profoundly wrong them and are probably capable of committing acts both horrendous and evil. And your boss is dumb. You need to punch her in the tit. Really hard.

I spent the morning reading articles about various people owning Donald Trump on social media. He has Z E R O sense of humor, it’s almost painful to watch. No one like that should be the leader of the free world.

I don’t do dumb things while driving. It is the one time I am 100% serious because there are too many assholes idiots and morons on the road like your boss. It is my opinion that when driving a 2 ton missile down the street paying attention to what you are doing is kind of important.
I know lots of people that cannot laugh at themselves. They all seem to be in politics or upper management.

I laugh at the most awkward moments, ALL. THE. TIME. I can’t help it. I just do. 🙂
I don’t trust anyone that can’t laugh at themselves. They are narcs usually. That’s been my experience anyway. Your boss sounds just like one. Be careful….very very careful…unless you want to get fired that is….then carry on. 😉

I would have laughed, too, after I may or may not have desecrated the Benz-y. Illustration is awesome. It is astounding how often that anyone who gets promoted in these situations are the exact kind of person who should never have any power. 🙂

I can see how she got to where she is– she’s cut throat, manipulative, and good at gathering influential (but devious) people to her side. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) she currently thinks I’m one of them. Will be interesting to watch how it all pans out.

Haha. I just got silly looks at work. I couldn’t help but laughing out loud. I’m trying to think how she has roundabouts in the neighborhood, but decides it’s ok to drive straight through one. I can’t wait to hear more if this is how she is. Though she does think her old phone is a means for the dead to communicate.

This was already hilarious, but the drawings put me over the edge! The dumbest thing I’ve ever done while driving was while leaving a parking lot. My friend and I were in the front seat, and a HUGE spider ran across the dashboard. She screamed. Then I screamed because she was screaming. I threw the car into park while it was still moving. Except the car didn’t stop, so we were just sitting there laughing and screaming as we rolled into oncoming traffic. It eventually all worked out.

You threw it into park while still driving? HAHAHA I like how that was your instinct: “Let’s just stop this shit right now.”

And I would lose my ever loving shit if there was a spider in my car. NO. Somewhere on here is a post I wrote about smashing a mouse in the door of my car. Terrible. But imagine if it had made it in??? We would all be dead.

Years ago I heard of a scientific study that found that intelligent women have a harder time telling right from left. I do medical research, but I have never tried to find that study. Because if it is not true, then I will suddenly have to believe/admit? that I am an idiot. And that I will never do…

(I know tons of really bright women other than myself who get it wrong a lot. So I am going to take the truth of that research paper to my grave.)

I did tractor=trailer driver training and testing for years as a part of my job as Safety Director. Left and right are poorly understood universally irrespective of intelligence or any other quality. When giving directions, i only used left and right far in advance so the driver could think about it and envision it – in which case they were invariably correct. So I would go over the route before beginning using left and right and I would use hand gestures and/or “east/west” directions en route. In my experience, left/right cannot be understood quickly by very many people but virtually all understand if given time to think about it.

A really good buddy of mine was very sweet on a girl with dyslexia (his father’s dyslexic, too, so maybe there was something to it) and she explained to me about “the left hand makes the L.” I was terrible. I’d say things like “so the right hand makes the J, or is it the left?” and “is it the left hand making the L, or the right?” as I’d flip my hands back and forth, from knuckles up, to knuckles down, moving my thumbs to make Ls or Js.

You were just over-thinking the problem, I’m guessing! I actually didn’t learn this until my son was in grammar school. Until then I just had to put my hand over my heart as I did when pledging allegiance

Oh, I was teasing her, actually, trying to see if I could confuse her. She took it remarkably well; good that she had a sense of humor about it. My wife caught that right away when I recounted the story: “Oh, you’re mean!”

I don’t even think she was embarrassed. I don’t think she’s capable. I’ve been observing her behavior and in her mind she is always at the top of her game. It’s fascinating and not a little bit terrifying.

this is so funny for so many reasons and i completely understand the inability to stop laughing at the scene and even when thinking back about it. i had an ex get extremely upset when we were canoeing and got stuck on a rock, i could not stop laughing and snorting and everything else, as he got madder and madder and said, ‘are you laughing at n\me?!” ‘yes, and at me, too!.” only made him madder and made me laugh harder until i peed, which only made me laugh more…

Ahahahahahahaha! So I once dated a guy (a soulless ginger, no less) who could not find the funny in the bedroom. When I laughed after something (I probably queafed or something gross and hilarious like that), but he couldn’t seem to find the funny…and it was at that moment I knew he wasn’t the guy for me. Because if you can’t laugh when you’re naked and vulnerable? You’re way too serious for the likes of this girl.

That is too funny Aussa. Your art work is superb and perfectly enhances the story.I can just picture you and your boss sitting in the flowerbeds. Ha! That is hilarious. Do remember how hard it is to be a new boss trying to impress your employees – she may come around once she has given it some thought.

I was a passenger in a tractor-trailer when the driver ended up on the grass in the center of a round about.He was trying to impress me when he entered a roundabout in Gloucester Mass too fast.Being loaded,the weight pushed him straight when he tried to turn. Luckily it was solid ground and he just drove off the other side and continued on – basically making a straight path through a round traffic circle. Ha! That was scary I must admit.

Most of my bosses have been able laugh at themselves – I’ve been lucky in that way.They had other failings but that wasn’t one. ha! We had a boss once in a warehouse who was a bit careless when he drove a forklift. He didn’t drive much as it wasn’t his job but occasionally he would jump on a forklift to show us how it was done. We had a dumpster set up outside at one of our transport doors. The top of the dumpster was level with the dock floor when the door was open. My boss was dropping a bale of cardboard into the dumpster with a forklift when he got too close and the front wheels fell off the dock. The whole forklift kept going and slid nose first into the dumpster with my boss still aboard. One of the guys took a bunch of pictures and posted them in the lunch room. Ha! It took a crane to get the forklift out of the dumpster. My boss hid for a week or so but did laugh – albeit painfully – when the topic arose.

You HAVE to be able to laugh at yourself. Even if you’re dumb. I know a lady like this, unfortunately. I avoid her like the plague. She spends most of her time behind the wheel, putting on coat after coat after coat of lipgloss and taking selfies of herself, the putting on more lip gloss. *gag*
___

Here’s *my* dumbest move in a car (and I was LAUGHING WHILE I DID IT–so I should get extra points)…

I drove the kids to school one slick winter morning, way back when we had a spiffy new BMW 328xi. Solid ice on the road coming to the school. I carefully slid/maneuvered us into the turn-lane to go left into the school driveway. It had a little incline UP into the parking lot and as I made the left, we were still moving too fast, so the car slid to the right and BIFFED up against the 12″ snow berm that the plow had left there. HAHAHAHAAAAA OMG DID YOU SEE THAT? GOOD THING THAT FLUFFY SNOW WAS THERE SO WE DIDN’T GO INTO THE FIELD.

AFTER I got home, I walked around to the front right corner of the car, you know…just in case.

The snow berm turned out to have been rock-hard solid ice. I HAD COMPLETELY WIPED OUT THE FRONT CORNER. Spoiler, fog light, lower bumper, smashed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA no.

$1000.00 later…not funny at all. And I felt like such an idiot because I was laughing when I pulled up to the school with them, like “la-dee-dah that was so funny!” ha. ha. hA

She sounds darling. I would have laughed, too! And then she made that comment about how there are tons of roundabouts in her neighborhood. If I would have failed rounding the bout (hehehe) that badly, I would’ve pretended I’d never seen one in my life. I do stupid shit all the time. I gotta laugh at myself.

A sense of humor and Kool 100’s were the only things that kept me (relatively) sane when I was driving a delivery truck for my living. I am not at liberty to disclose the dumbest thing I ever did while driving, but let’s just say that it was pretty freaking stupid. People who aren’t really there for it while driving, and people who lack the ability to laugh at themselves during stressful situations do bother me some. Maybe your new boss has other good qualities which make up for her inattention to her driving and lack of self awareness?

Hmm… let me reach into my zen side and try to figure out what her good qualities are… she does seem to love her children. There’s that. The rest of the time she is trying to figure out who will oppose her rule and what their buttons are so she can force them out. Two down so far…

I felt the drawings were a must– words just can’t properly convey how ridiculous the whole thing was. And every time I told the story I had to draw it because I couldn’t get through it without laughing.

Oh. My. God. I was laughing from the first moment you told her which way to turn and she didn’t listen. Geez. Working with women can be challenging enough, but having one for a boss? Been there, don’t want to do it again. You are so right. Anyone who can’t laugh at themselves is suspicious. BTW, love the drawings. They made it even funnier. Look at it this way … more blog material.

I thought about the question if I ever laughed at an inappropriate time. Once, long, long ago in a land before you were born, I was at a dance club with my girlfriend. This nice guy came up and started talking to me. He was pleasant enough, but not my type. I chatted in a friendly sort of way with no real interest for anything further. He asked me my name and I told him. I asked him his name and he said “Ralph.” I spit out my drink. I thought he was kidding. After a hearty chuckle, I was about to ask what his real name was, when he asked, “What’s so funny?” Oops. 😛

Stupidest thing I have done driving has to be back in my early years when I slammed the accelerator to jump into traffic in my badass sportscar and stalled it after only getting a few feet, just enough to block traffic…pissing off all the oncoming cars (well their occupants, I think the cars were laughing).

I’m with you. People who can’t laugh at themselves are NOT to be trusted.
I once drove away from a break-up with a man and sped through a small town. The officer who stopped me had to leave my car as I sobbed. (Of course I told him EVERYTHING from start to finish!)
When he finally returned to my car, he invited me to the local cafe for coffee and pie. We laughed! We are friends to this day! 20 plus years later!
Laugh or go home!
I’m with YOU!

I have always gone with the motto of, “If you can’t laugh at yourself than it is unfair to laugh at others”. Lets just say I laugh at other people a LOT!!!! Mainly because I keep doing things that make me laugh at ME, so I gotta keep it balanced right? HaHa. Anyway, there are far too many people who take themselves FAR too seriously, Your boss is a double threat. The egotistical “Cool Mom” syndrome combined with the far to serious attitude are a recipe for awfulness. Good luck Aussa. OOPS, this conversation just made me jump a curb. I probably should have gone around it huh?!?. LMAO. Be well friend.

So true, John! I know I laugh at people (kind of a lot) on this site buuuuut I try to balance it with plenty of laughing at myself. THAT is where the real sweet spot is. Helps me sleep at night and get out of bed in the morning.

OK – this one made me laugh out loud at work. Apparently one of my coworkers was telling what she thought was a funny story (and thought I was listening), because when I laughed, she said, “Right??” and giggled manically. My city has just started putting in roundabouts, but they only made the center circle about two inches higher than the road – so people drive straight over them all the time. People in my city are not very smart.

We were stuck in traffic on a flyover , so when we were driving downhill with my car’s engine still off , because we were literally crawling , I forgot to press brakes and my car politely hit the car in front of us , he got out , I smiled , we smiled , and I started the car :p

I didn’t know you guys even had roundabouts! I’ve never seen one in American TV programmes.

We have millions of the things. And in the typical British “too much of a good thing” mentality, we decided that traffic lights and roundabouts are both “good things” and therefore we have loads of traffic light-controlled roundabouts as well.

My general rule of thumb is “if you’re not sure, get in the middle, that way if you get confused you can just keep going round in circles until you’ve worked out what to do” 🙂 And by “middle”, obviously I don’t mean the landscaped bit.

Dude. I am pretty sure the BBC did a story on just how much the U.S. has adopted them despite our long documented history of trying to distance ourselves from England (and the UK generally).

I’m fairly sure you’ve no idea where the city of Kennewick is (unless you’ve read news about “Kennewick Man”), but it’s where I live, and I assure you, we’ve got them, big and small. They have replaced 4-way stops, both with mere stop signs, and with the OLD OLD school blinking red, red/yellow traffic lights– and I think they are much better.

I also had no idea you had roundabouts in America. The things you learn…
I also want to write a blog about my boss but it will definitely get me sacked so I’m waiting until I leave the country in 18 days.
Really enjoyed this Aussa, thanks 🙂

The first ‘murican roundabout I encountered was in Boston and I remembered it freaked me the hell out. I drove around twice before I could get out. BUT I was 21 and it was massive and full of East Coast drivers! And I didn’t try to drive through the middle…

Definitely save that blog post until you run out of fucks, PN! (like me).

Cimmy read this to me this morning, asked me about the pictures– if they were yours. I said they were; you’ve got a distinct style I recognize. And I told her I thought you had talent. NONONO do not try to downplay this; my artistic skills aren’t that much BUT my daughter is self-taught and I think Cimmy has got fair graphic talent herself. We do have an idea of what we speak of, and YES we have all studied art methods.

I am certain my ladies would agree that even if you considered it “just doodling”, you’re doing a lot better than some people. Y’know, those folks that are barely getting stick figures recognizable.

Careful, now. You might get caught, and then maybe you’d get put in charge of designing the Powerpoint presentations? You’ve seen at least one of my Sanity Signs– I make them up all the time to illustrate discussion concepts from my support groups.

I mean, some of your co-workers could REALLY use some of the signs I’ve done…

I often work with Developers… very few of them have any discernible sense of humour. I can’t drive so fortunately I have managed to avoid doing anything stupid but I feel like if I did drive I would probably have hurt myself or others by now. As for inappropriate laughter… I am going to say all the very all times… I think it unlikely you’d be able to get your hands on the British TV Show Coupling but it’s one of the funniest comedy shows I have ever seen. One of it’s characters has some very interesting theories about the “giggle loop” and inappropriate laughter that I think you would enjoy.

I love the pictures – I work for DOT and I try to program roundabouts and people act like these things are the most complicated things to get around in the WORLD! No – we’d rather have a 4-stop that people run through and cause accidents vs a traffic calming device. I want to put the pictures up in my office and say “How NOT to drive a roundabout”

Oh this is PRICELESS! The image of you two idling in a beautiful flower bed is amazing. I’ve been a not so bueno driver from the start so I learned to laugh at myself a long time ago. I regularly almost miss exits and go roaring over the reflector thingies that mean you’re not supposed to cross them. But I always make it so I’m sure it’s okay…Totally agree – no sense of humor = we can’t be friends. Great post lady!

Oh my gosh, this comment = my life yesterday. I’m progressively worsening behind the wheel. Alex has ruined me. If I’m driving somewhere other than work, the cafe, or the wine store, I’m totally screwed. I forget what I’m doing and completely check out. Which is apparently not a good thing.

Hahaha – my favorite wine store has a drive-thru, which is why it’s my favorite wine store. Every time I go through it I hope I don’t hit the building. Worst, driver, ever. You and I were born to be driven : )

SO BAD. I was in a meeting with her and one other person today– he happened to be hilarious so we were going back and forth. She just sat there looking frustrated and occasionally making a huffing noise. TROUBLE.

Lorens! What’s up, yo? Thanks for popping by my near-abandoned, ridiculous blog. And also thanks for this story, cause you know, you have to laugh at yourself. And you have to laugh at ridiculous bosses who do and say really dumb things. I saw a 40-foot piece of art (wind chime) go up in a roundabout yesterday, true story. it spins in the wind. Tell your boss to stay away from Canada, where we put our art in our roundabouts. we are highly civilized that way.

I just got back from England! Ever been there??? They drive on the left side of the road. I kid you not, the left fucking side. Maybe your boss is secretly British? Anyway, they have roundabouts everywhere. You can let her know that they have smaller neighborhood roundabouts that are just bricks embedded in the road, so you can drive right over the thing if there are no other cars about. Maybe that’s what she was thinking. Or maybe she’s a complete tool, driving a Mercedes while ruminating on her fantastic good looks and all. I do that all the time. And that’s worth laughing at too.

Glad to see you’re still about, and I have to say that as a die-hard engineer professor, I highly appreciate the diagrammatical description of your tale. You still crack me up, Lorens.

The explanation about driving on the left hand side of the road that I’ve heard most often was that a typically right handed coach driver would have an easier time reaching for his firearm to deal with any highwaymen that might accost him.

Of course, when we declared independence from England, we came up with ALL sorts of ways to distance ourselves from British culture and tradition; driving on the right side was one of them. Adopting Netherland’s Sinter Klaas (which became “Santa Claus”), to avoid Father Christmas, was another.

I don’t know how it started, but shifting with your left hand is right bugnuts. Plus the lanes over there are so bloody narrow that you’re always looking out for the sanctity of your sideview mirrors – I’m afraid that they were somewhat abused on my last trip there. Shit. I’m from the little country across the pond, so I grew up with Father Christmas – who is this Santa Claus you speak of? Sounds creeeeepy.

Your blog is not ridiculous! Stop that! I feel like I remember every story of yours I read, because of the imagery. Not blowing smoke, I’m serious. (even though it took me three tries to properly spell “serious” which may diminish my credibility).

I HAVE been to England. Huge WTF. I’m actually going to South Africa in a few months and we’re renting a car/are totally fecked. Problems. We’re going to die. If the lions don’t get us, the traffic will.

*sigh* I wish my nightmare boss stories involved a racy car ride. Instead my boss (who has never supervised anyone ever before and is almost 50) says things like “Maybe my goal should be to not have to apologize to you.” OR, you could just plan what to say before letting idiot comments out of your mouth. ??? Help me!

I’ve never been to mass. I imagine it would make me laugh A LOT. I laugh at church on the regular but it’s a very casual place with crying babies and people drinking coffee so it doesn’t pack the same sort of punch.

I called your boss an idiot. Not fair. She may just be extremely nervous. And she may be genetically programmed to be humorless, the poor thing. Double handicaps in starting a new job. Not that I would want to be working for her, but she MAY not be that i-word.

Good luck. You can either suck major #ss, or intimidate the sh#t out of her.

I think she’s genetically programmed to be humorless and remarkably incapable of being embarrassed because she always assumes she’s doing everything right. If I were to guess, and it would only be a guess, I think she’s one of those pretty people who never had to really develop a personality. That’s kind of a cruel thing to say… but we all know people like that.

I hope this writing thing works out for you (or maybe the art! Who knew??) because if your boss ever gets wind of this blog you are so fired. If she couldn’t laugh at her own dumbassery then she will definitely not find it funny that the rest of us are cracking the hell up!

Buahahahahahahaha I know, Sandy. I know. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. But I’m one of those people who has an intense need to always be getting away with something… this is so much better than criminal activity though 😉

I laughed so hard at this lol. Picturing the car going straight toward the barrier and then you’re both sitting there lol with people driving by. Like, that would be so random to see. I can only imagine how funny that must have been to you in the moment!

It’s the sort of funny that just keeps on giving, Sara. She followed me to a bar the other day (in the middle of the workday, HER idea) and we had to drive around the roundabout and I almost missed my turnout because I was too busy staring at her in the rearview, hoping she would do it again.

Hi Aussa! I am hosting a blogging, guest post event in November over at The Seeker’s Dungeon. The subject is “Walking with Intention,” and I’m sure that no one will be bringing the humor that you could bring to it. If you have any interest in writing a post, I would love to have you and you can find the info here: http://theseekersdungeon.com/30-days-of-walkingwithintention/