Obama was a member of the East Bank Club, a “gay gym” where homosexuals meet to indulge in activities best left unimagined. A libel case was dropped against Larry Sinclair, who reported having sex and using cocaine with Obama in his state senator days. Former radical activist John Drew knew Obama back at Occidental College, and understood his Pakistani roommate to be his gay lover. Like his former Chief of Staff Rahm “Dead Fish” Emanuel, Obama was a member of the Man’s Country homosexual bathhouse. Then of course there is his former “body man,” the aptly named Reggie Love.

One reason all this isn’t completely in the open yet is that Donald Young, an openly gay choir director at Obama’s church of 20 years, turned up murdered in 2007, tightening loose lips.

But given the pressure our rulers have exerted to normalize homosexual behavior, Barry’s proclivities won’t be kept secret forever.

Already there are rooms at Man’s Country known as the “Presidential Suite” and the “Oral Office” because of Obama’s history there.

The more I think about it, the more I'm certain that Barack Obama doesn't actually exist. It's impossible for someone to be Muslim, Christian, and atheist simultaneously, it's a contradiction in terms for him to be a centrist Nazi Communist, he can't be both an authoritarian that rules with an iron fist and a total pushover, I can't imagine how he was born in Kenya, Indonesia and Hawaii at the same time, and it is temporally impossible for him to be the cause of plant closings under the Bush administration.

WAIT. There is an explanation. BARACK OBAMA IS ACTUALLY A SET OF IDENTICAL TRIPLETS!!