Tag

Technicians Screwing Up

If you want to make your voice be heard regarding the unjust termination of great people such as Mike Farley, Steve Farley, Greg Farley (Steve’s clone who worked as a lunch lady), and Kelly Casaday, you now have a great means to do so. Join your fellow students in voicing their disappointment in decisions made by the AISU board of directors in a cool and productive way.

If you are neither of these, but care about Mike and Steve and Greg and Kelly a great deal, sign either one. I don’t care. No matter who you are, though please do not sign both. We want this to be as honest and legal of a process as possible, as boring as that is. If you are a student AND a parent (we won’t judge), I guess you can sign both. Otherwise, stay honest please.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

THERE WILL BE A TOWN HALL Q&A WITH MIKE FARLEY, WHO WILL, WITH A LEGAL INFORMANT, BE ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THAT YOU, STUDENTS, PARENTS, OR UNCONNECTED COMMUNITY MEMBERS, MAY HAVE.

IT WILL BE AT 7:00 PM MOUNTAIN TIME, THURSDAY JULY 6, AT THE MURRAY LIBRARY (166 E. 5300 S., Murray UT, 84107).

Note: Any reports about AISU’s Guys and Dolls production is only taken from what happened at the Friday night performance, as the Gravy Editors were not available Thursday night, due to the show being scheduled the same time as our TV shows The Blacklist and Rush Hour, both of which are very good.

AISU – Many people have been saying that they thoroughly enjoyed AISU’s production of Guys and Dolls Friday, but several left the performance disappointed and even bewildered. The biggest and most often-mentioned disappointment was the surprising lack of microphone and lighting problems.

Sound and lighting screw-ups have become a normal and expected part of high school and middle school stage productions across the country, and their absence at Guys and Dolls was a surprise and somewhat of a letdown for many. Some people who were at the performance Friday say they went straight to the doctor’s afterwards to have their eyes and ears checked because they didn’t see or hear any lighting or sound problems. Others reportedly demanded their money back after the show. “I go to high school musicals to hear loud microphone feedback and to see spotlights shining in the wrong places,” said one angry patron. “This sorry excuse for a high school production had none of that.”

The lack of sound and lighting problems came as a surprise to more than just the audience, however, as the technicians who ran the lights and sound Friday were also very shocked at the lack of inadequacy they performed. Some technicians say that after noticing how not terrible they were doing, they tried very hard to screw up, but “just couldn’t.” Other technicians say that they actually did screw up, but just in places that weren’t as noticeable, like when people weren’t talking, or during intermission. All in all the technicians were ashamed of their well-done performance, and promise to do better at being worse next time, if ever given the chance “after this embarrassment.”

Sources say that although the sound and lighting problems were absent from Friday’s performance, the omitted problems were made up for on Thursday night, when the microphones and lights allegedly “gave up” during half of the show, as expected. Many people say that this is no excuse for performing well on Friday, however, as the audience who attended Friday’s show had just as much a right as Thursday’s audience to witness the performance being botched by the microphones and lights technicians.

Following Friday’s performance, the school released an official statement admitting their mistake in having no mistakes, and promising that the sound and lighting will never not screw up ever again, and that they will make the necessary employment changes to ensure that the sounds and lighting are never operated adequately in the future. This statement has been received well by the school population, and people are glad to hear that the school is taking responsibility in the devastatingly well-done light and microphone job, and hope that they will never see a school production with working lights again.

AISU – Panic spread last week when several students in AISU’s school musical “Fellas and Girls” refused to show up at an emergency Sunday Rehearsal. The extra practice was scheduled despite protests from the cast’s several LDS students, who, though visibly exhausted, were seen picketing outside the PAC holding large signs that read “I sold my soul for theatre,” “I can’t, I have rehearsal,” and “President Uchtdorf says ‘Stop it!’” When asked to comment about the protest, an anonymous student could only mumble “Every Day … Every Day …” repeatedly, staring blankly into the distance.

Reporters were unable to enter the building, but an anonymous source, using “pounds of chocolate and caffeine” to bribe the directors, was able to get a “peek of the action on the stage.”

There, the directors reportedly were participating in a ritual to “summon the spirit of Macbeth.” Theater experts say this is nothing to be disturbed about: “It’s not uncommon, a few weeks before the show, for directors to bathe in the blood of their techies and perform the ‘cleansing ceremony’ before the great Shakespeare. It’s a wonderful way for a cast to bond.” However, Macbeth’s ghost did not respond to the summons and was not available for comment. After the failed ceremony, directors were seen lying motionless on the stage, twitching occasionally.

At this moment of desperation, witnesses say Mindy “the Mighty” jumped up with a crazy look in her eye, vowing to “salvage the remnants.” She began to run across the stage, playing every part, some of them simultaneously. Musical director behaviorists say they observe such behavior often: “When a director has come under intense stress, he or she is likely to develop psychosomatic symptoms such as hallucination, meltdowns, multiple personality disorder, a cold, ‘karaoke fever,’ and rocking back and forth listening to Michael Buble.” Sure enough, sources say that soon after Mindy had sung through every love duet, she collapsed to the floor in the fetal position as Michael Buble played through the speakers.

The good news is, our sources report, that Mindy “the Musical Magician” single-handedly completed the rehearsal without making a single mistake, not counting those made by the technicians operating the microphones and lighting. In fact, it was by far the cast’s best rehearsal, and it happened to be the one in which students refused to participate, leading to speculation that this might have been Mindy’s plan all along.

“Mindy Young has been known to put on a fantastic show despite performers for many years,” said one expert. “She has always been great at determining exactly what needs to be added or removed from a musical to make it successful, and this time, the students may have been what needed removing.”

There is still no word on whether the protesting students will be allowed back onstage, but another Shakespearean summoning ritual is scheduled for next week, and most experts agree that between Mindy’s multiple personalities, whatever dead Shakespeare characters can be rounded up, and a cast with a day of rest, this year’s school play should be, at the very least, “kinda okay.”

This article was written by a guest writer who sent his/her complete article to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM, which was then slightly revised, edited, and posted by Gravy professionals. This guest writer is no different from you or me except that this guest writer wrote an article for the Daily Gravy and sent it to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM. Other than that, there really aren’t that many differences between the two of you. This guest writer isn’t any more special than you or anything, except that he/she wrote an article and sent it to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM, and you haven’t yet. That’s really the only important difference. So what are you waiting for? If you would like your work to be posted on the Daily Gravy and laughed at (in a mostly good way) by many of your peers, email your article to AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM and have a nice day.

Get Gravy via e-mail

All the cool kids are doing it. Note: none of the cool kids are using their @aisutah email, because it doesn't work

Write Some Gravy

If you feel like your life is missing something, maybe you should try writing satirical newspaper articles for The Gravy. But only if you enjoy amazingness.
E-mail AISUGRAVY@GMAIL.COM with your offensive and extremely vulgar article, and we'll review, edit, and post it - guaranteed!