There's an App to Get You Laid at SXSW, But You Absolutely Don't Need the Help

"All the single dudes put up your phone. Now all the single ladies put up your phone. Turn to the nearest person with a phone up. Now type in your phone number. Now you have something to do after this."

That was Chuck D, talking from the Doritos Main Stage. Or at least I think it was Chuck D. I was just passing by on the street and I couldn't see through the green mesh set up on the fence.

A lot of SXSW is experienced that way: In passing. People are looking for something new, for something that impresses them. Bands? Yes. "Professional" networking connections? Oh so exhaustingly yes. And also, you will not be surprised to hear, hookups. SXSW is the Olympic Village of music dorks, right down to the giving away condoms everywhere. I was offered over a dozen condoms in three days.

Maybe that's why the Chevron station on Congress hasn't seen much of a spike in prophylactic sales. Still, offers a sales clerk, "We've sold more condoms to weirder people."

That conversation happened early in the day, just around breakfast time. At 4:15 p.m., I saw my first purposeful groping of the day - a cute blonde woman in a polka-dotted shirt and orange jeans grabbed a tall smiling man standing in front of her around the middle and thrust, hard. It only got more brazen from there. By the time the sun set, all the innuendo was gone. Dudes strut down 6th talking loudly to passersby about the size of their dicks.

And if that strategy proved unsuccessful (somehow), there are, amazingly, even more explicit options for those hoping to find a little strange to rub against. It comes, of course, in the form of a Facebook App.

Bang With Friends basically works like this: You sign up, tell the app which of your Facebook friends you'd be "down to bang" and wait. Apparently, if your friend logs in and tells the app he'd be "down to bang" you, too, then you get a notification of some sort, thereby setting up the most artless date imaginable.