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/rɪˈflɛkʃ(ə)n/

ruminate

/ˈruːmɪneɪt/

In my usual ruminating way, I was thinking about my social media accounts after I posted a few days ago:

CoY: This blog holds a special place in my life because it is where the least filtered part of me lies in open to all. In an often vain, self-exalting way though... but it is where I say things which I sometimes desperately wish people who know me will read, while at the same time wishing they won't. In short, a truer but more vulnerable me.

Instagram: I am kinda ashamed by how much I love it. My account that is, tracking the hearts given to my posts. I think there's nothing wrong with the pleasure of taking photos but this is a totally worldly obsession with self.

FB: Sometimes a source of grief. Quite a few (sometimes unpleasant) exchanges about theological issues with my dear old friend. But quite thankful for this place where I am jolted out of my complacency by my unbelieving friends. It shows the work yet to be done, a (very close) world yet to know God. Which is a good counterbalance to a university life which has been comfortable for my being a Christian thus far.

love

/lʌv/

Reflections from the ruminations of today
[Guided by Piper's meditations on love in Desiring God]

Love for some people is so trying (as we all already know)

I still haven't gotten to experiencing the joy of loving my aunt and uncle. Even now as I am reminded of them, I really do not want to show love to them. I want to forget about them, because they make me angry, sad, ashamed, all of these things.

(let me give a context as objectively as possible)
My aunt is afflicted with multiple maladies. Recently she was put on dialysis. My uncle on the other hand, does not work, though he technically can. In sum, they have no source of income except from my uncle's siblings, one of which is my father.

"Love is the overflow of joy in God that gladly meets the needs of others."

I won't go into details of the family dynamics, but it is hard work loving them now, I dread the prospect of supporting them financially when my dad retires.

"And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people"

(2 Corinthians 8:1-4, NIV, emphasis added)

Expounding on this passage he says of their sincere love: "It is first a deeply satisfying experience of the fullness of God's grace, and then a doubly satisfying experience of sharing the grace with another person."

Certainly I have tasted the goodness of His grace, these blessings on an undeserving sinner. Just that I often forget (1) The tremendous, abundant, all-encompassing grace (2) That I do not deserve it.

Love for me, for us has put the Creator God on trial

Jesus really is the focal point, the 'cornerstone of our faith'. Reflecting about him enduring the trial of the cruel cross sears many of my self-centred, worldly desires and thoughts away. That he may win sinners such as I into the kingdom of eternal joy he chose the way of suffering.

Nothing more needs to be said now, except "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!" (Psalm 103:1)