Sometimes, you can get nervous around other girls you know, especially if they are very popular. Many other girls experience this in their schools too, so you are not alone. However, instead of being intimidated, you can shine as well if you keep things in perspective, work on building your self-esteem, and always remember your worth.

Steps

Part 1

Staying Calm and Grounded

1

Don’t compare yourself to others. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. No two people are the same and each of us as individuals bring our own collective positives and negatives to the world. Though you may be intimidated by these girls, remember that they too have flaws just like you. You can never be just like them just like they can never be like you.

Think about all of the positive attributes you have that they don’t. Perhaps you can play piano well or volleyball, or maybe you are a very nice person. Focus on your own strengths.

You might even try writing down your strengths and posting them somewhere that you will see them daily, such as on your bathroom mirror or closet door. You can invite trusted friends and family members to contribute to your list if you are having trouble coming up with a list of your strengths.

2

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Though we all have a desire to fit in with others, never pretend to be different or more like others just to be accepted. Most people can sense fakeness from a mile away and no one respects a person who is not genuine. Allow your own authenticity to shine through and even if people do not respond positively to it. At least you will know that you are being true to yourself.[1]

For instance, if you notice everyone is wearing a certain brand of shoe, but you don’t like that shoe, don’t buy it just to fit in. Wear the clothes that you love and you’ll feel happier and more like yourself.

It is also important to avoid changing your personality or behavior to fit in with others. Do things that are within your moral compass and be yourself.

3

Remember that other girls are people, too. These girls have their own insecurities that they likely deal with on a daily basis as well. They may be just as nervous as you around others even if they play it cool. Sometimes, we interpret others as being intimidating when they are actually just shy. Consider that possibility as well as others and move forward without making assumptions about their personality.[2]

Consider that they also may find you intimidating. This will help you feel more comfortable when you are around them if you feel that the two of you have similar feelings and are equals.

Keep in mind that social media can make anyone seem confident, even if they are not.

4

Consider the worst case scenario. Often times, the fears that you have are not as bad as you think. In interacting with these girls, consider the worst possible thing that could happen. Perhaps they might ignore you should you speak to them or maybe you fear that they will insult you. Those these situations are certainly not ideal, they are also not the end of the world. If you feel prepared for the worst, then you can be ready in the event that it does happen. You can also feel less fearful because even the worst case scenario is probably not that bad in reality.[3]

Try to have some ideas about how you will handle a situation if it does not work out, but also avoid anticipating the worst. Try to think positive and imagine that the situation will go well. Expecting the worst to happen may lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if they insult you, you can just walk away from the situation. They’re not worth your time.

5

Consider the best case scenario, as well. In interacting with these intimidating girls, you might also find that some positivity can come from it. Consider all of the wonderful things that could happen should you surround yourself with them. Perhaps you will make a new friend or you will discover that they are more like you than you thought.[4]

Remember that they may be shy and are perhaps just waiting for you to talk to them first.

6

Take some deep breaths. Entering into a situation where you feel intimidated can be very stressful, but you can combat this stress. Before you see or have to interact with them, take a few deep breaths. Sometimes, when there is tension, we often forget to breathe normally. Take a moment to breathe and to reassure yourself to be calm.

Breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Do this a few times until you feel calm.

You can also do a quick scan of your body to locate any areas of tension. This will send a message to your brain that everything is okay.

Part 2

Building Your Confidence

1

Make a list of strengths. In order to feel less intimidated by these girls and by anyone else in the future, it’s important to begin building your confidence. One way to do this is to identify your strengths. Perhaps you have been so caught up in thinking about the girls who intimidate you that you have forgotten about how wonderful you are. Take some time to reflect on the positives of you.[5]

Think deeply when compiling this list. Think about all of the nice things you have done for others later or the ways that you are special. Some examples of positive qualities are intelligence, beauty, kindness, humor, empathy, and ambition, but there are many more.

You can enlist the help of friends and family members to help you make a complete list. They might point out strengths that you had not considered.

Post the list where you will see it daily.

2

Make a list of achievements. In addition to all of the wonderful things that you are, consider all of the wonderful things that you have done. You can use the list of your strengths in thinking of your achievements. If you indicated that you are intelligent, then make a note if you make good grades as well. Think back on times that you have received awards, or praise from your parents or others.[6]

Remember that achievements are beyond your grades. Accomplishments are not just in the things that you can produce, but also in how you impact people. Maybe you are a very good babysitter or help take care of your siblings. That is important and should be noted.

Your effort and hard work are also things that you should add to this list. For example, even if you did not win first place in a track meet, all the training time that you put in to prepare yourself for the race is an accomplishment.

3

Dress well. People tend to feel great when they are wearing their favorite outfit, and feeling great can help you exude confidence. Take some time each day to select an outfit that looks nice on you, flatters your body shape, and is comfortable.[7]

Pick your outfit out the night before school so you don’t have to rush in the mornings.

Select clothes that are ironed and clean.

Accessorize with something unique like a cool pair of earrings or funky shoes.

4

Take care of your body. The better you feel, the more confident you will tend to be. Take care of yourself by exercising regularly and eating healthy foods. Perhaps you are intimidated by these girls because they are more physically fit than you or they outperform you in sports or gym class. This is a great way to improve yourself, get active, and boost your confidence.[8]

Don’t overdo it with exercise, however. If you are not very physically active, start small by exercising 2-3 times per week.

Don’t exercise to look like these other girls. Do it for yourself to look and feel better!

5

Combat your insecurities. Often times, we deal with insecurities that trouble us very much in our daily lives. These insecurities are likely why you feel uncomfortable around these girls. However, it is also important to consider which of your insecurities are rooted in real internal flaws and which are more a figment of your imagination. Often times, your negative thoughts about yourself can be illogical.[9]

For instance, if you sometimes think of yourself as being unattractive, think of all the times that others have told you that you are pretty. Also recognize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we all have traits that are beautiful and unique to us.

If you find yourself dwelling on an insecurity that you can’t seem to overcome, then you may want to see a therapist for help.

6

Find positive role models. Take some time to identify people in your life who you look up to or who have qualities that you admire. If it is possible, seek to spend more time with these people. There is a proverb that states that you are the compilation of the five people that you spend the most time around. If you spend time around people who you want to be more like, then you will eventually become more like them.[10]

Try to spend less time around people who are negative or who make you feel badly about yourself. This is a confidence killer.

7

Recognize your own power. Remember that feeling intimidated is often less about those girls than it is about you. They are not taking your power away from you, but you are giving it away to them. Once you recognize that, you can begin to reclaim that power. You are much more powerful than you realize and give yourself credit for. Don’t give up your power for anyone.[11]

8

Don’t give people permission to hurt you. No one can make you feel inferior without you allowing them to in some ways. Though you cannot perhaps prevent mean things that people do or mean looks that people give, you can help how you feel about it. Refuse to let their intimidation alter how you feel about yourself. Life is too short and too wonderful to allow people you aren’t close to make you feel bad longterm.[12]

You can try repeating positive mantras in your head like “I will not let them hurt me. I am powerful and wonderful and no one can make me feel otherwise.”

9

Practice self-care. A huge part of self-value is entrenched in taking proper care of yourself. In addition to exercise and eating well, there are other practices that you can employ to care for yourself beyond just the physical. Take some time every day to do things that make you happy and enrich your spirit.

Take a nice hot bubble bath after a long day.

Read a new book or an old one that you enjoy.

Watch a movie.

Have an at home spa day. Do your nails and hair and put on a face mask.

Indulge in a favorite hobby, or start a new hobby and spend some time learning it.

Advocate for causes that you are passionate about, such as education, the environment, or animals.

10

Surround yourself with positive friends. The friends you spend time with will make a huge impression on your life. If you find yourself in situations where you must be with people who intimidate you, try to add your own friends into the fold as well so that you don’t have to be alone. Though you can’t be with your friends all the time, you can still find moments to spend with them throughout your day, especially if you have class or lunch together.

You may also want to evaluate whether certain friendships are healthy or not. If they are unhealthy, then you may need to let them go.

11

Embrace your individuality. Self-value is also largely about recognizing the things that make you ‘you’. You are the only you on the planet and you are important and the world would be a different place entirely without you. Take some time to think about all of the things you add to the world. Think about how much your parents, other relatives, and friends love and value you. You have made their world all the better simply by existing![13]

12

Journal out all the special qualities of you. Make a list of the people you love and those who love you as well. Though you are young, look at all the people you have impacted already! Keeping this list can help remind you of how important you are.

13

Take up space. Never forget that you deserve to be there just as much as those girls that intimidate you. Whether you are in a class with them, on a sports team, or in an organization, those things are just as much yours as they are theirs. Remember that and take up the place that is rightfully yours.

Don’t take a seat at the back of the class or move off of the sidewalk to make room for a group. Sit where you would like to sit and walk where you would like to walk without being rude.

Part 3

Interacting With Other Girls

1

Talk to those who intimidate you less. Perhaps these girls are some of the most intimidating people that you have ever encountered and you feel fearful to approach or talk to them. Think on others who intimidate you in life, but slightly less. Talking to these people first can build up your courage and make it easier for you to talk to the girls who are intimidating you.[14]

For instance, perhaps you feel intimidated by the lunch lady or by your older sister, but not to the point that you feel afraid or overly nervous around them. Talk to them more during the day than you normally would. You’ll feel all the stronger for it.

2

Start small. It can be scary to approach girls who intimidate you and strike up a conversation with them. However, you can start speaking to them in small ways to break the ice and get rid of the allusion that you have of them as being untouchable or scary. Be sure to smile and make eye contact to indicate warmth.

Ask one of them to pass you a ball in gym class or a cup in the cafeteria.

Make a remark to them that doesn’t require a response like “the weather is so nice today.”

3

Imagine them in silly situations. One other way to make them less intimidating to you is to imagine them in ridiculous or funny situations. For instance, perhaps when you go to approach them to speak you could imagine them wearing a bunny costume or having googly eyes or anything that will make you feel less nervous about them.[15]

Be sure not to laugh out loud when you are talking to them unless one of you says something funny.

4

Learn to say “no.” Perhaps these girls are so intimidating to you that you find yourself doing things for them when they ask, even if you don’t want to or if it requires you to go out of your way. Remember that they are not your parent, boss, or teacher and you are not required under any circumstances to say yes to them. Use the power within you to say ‘no’ if you don’t want to do something.[16]

5

Approach them with kindness. Show these girls the kindness that you are hoping that they will show to you. Greet them with a “hello” and a smile when you see them during the day. Don’t say rude things about them behind their backs. Make sure you put into the situation what you are hoping to get out it.[17]