Words of hope from an abuse survivor

So its been almost a month since I have written a post for this blog. I am feeling incredibly guilty about this.

It started out with me just needing a break. I was getting a little triggered by the writing about sexual abuse here and the reading about sexual abuse for my class. I started having nightmares about my perpetrator. I thought I’d just take a week or so off, take care of myself, and then get back to it.

Then midterms for grad school took me by surprise with much greater demands for my time than expected.

Just as I was recovering from that, my grandmother died.

I probably would have felt better if I had been blogging throughout that whole process, but I just couldn’t seem to find enough hours in the day.

So, I’ve had a rough month. I’m still feeling very overwhelmed with all that I have on my plate between work, school, and family.

I’m giving myself permission to write shorter posts and hoping that will help me get back to sharing my experiences with y’all.

I am in graduate school while working full time. Its been three weeks since the start of Fall Semester and admittedly I am overwhelmed and exhausted and not sure how I can maintain this pace. This blog is very important to me because it is something that God has been nudging me to do for a while and it is a way for me to live out my life’s purpose of helping and supporting others. I remain committed to this call but I also think its important to share what a struggle it is for me to find the time and energy to share my story with others. At the end of the day, when work and homework have sapped every bit of attention I have, the last thing I want to do is revisit the memories that cause me so much pain. In those moments, I remind myself that someone may benefit from what I have to share and somehow Jesus provides the strength that I do not have within myself. I love to write and so I shall write for anyone who cares to read. I choose to be a survivor.

Perhaps one of the reasons I am really feeling emotionally drained today is because I watched a video and read a chapter for my social work class that covered the topic of sexual abuse. This issue is very personal to me so seeing others suffer from the affects of sexual abuse causes me feelings of sadness and maybe even despair. Why on earth do we as a society allow this pervasive issue to continue eroding our children generation after generation? It baffles me and infuriates me. I hope that someday I can play a small part in changing the way the world responds to sexual perpetrators. Maybe I already have… more on that later. Now its time to sleep.

For those who are feeling exhausted like me, know that God is with you.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31