Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Call Centre Confidential

I'm getting so fed up with the continuous phone calls from people wanting to speak to the managing director that I've started fighting back, this is a typical call. From a call centre in India.
"Hello can I speak to the managing director."
"Who?"
"The managing director."
"What's one of those?"
"The managing director of the business."
"I've never met him."
"Can I speak to the person in charge of phone bills."
"Phone bells?"
"Phone bills"
"We don't need bells for our phone they just ring anyway they're electronic."
"I'm calling from Blue ridge."
"They make wine don't they? We don't sell wine."
"No it's for your phone."
"What wine for my phone?"
"No we will give you every forth bill free."
"So everytime the phone rings if I pick it up before it rings four times I wont get my forth ring free?"
"Your forth bill is free."
"Yes that's very kind of you but we answer the phone very quickly here so it never gets to the forth ring, so I don't think we need this service. Anyway I thought it didn't matter how many times the phone rang."
"No I'm talking about bills."
"Bells yes so am I."
"Can I send you details."
"What sort of tails?"
"Details, it's three pages."
"Free pagers now that's very generous but we don't use pagers, we use our phones."
"No it's three pages."
"Yes you said it's free and I agree it's a generous offer but if we don't use them......"
"Can I fax you."
"Fax me what?"
"The three pages of details."
"Free pagers with tails? are we talking about the same thing here? Look I'm not really interested in your bizarre offers, can you phone back when we're not here?"
"When will be convenient?"
"23rd March 2008. I'm sure I'll be free to speak to you then. Thanks for calling you've been wonderful. Goodbye."
"but..............."
"Goodbye!" Click.