I have an independent, me-centric blog out there, you know, but no one reads it. People are going to read this. You’re reading it, I think, unless you’re stoned and just seeing it. I get that, though.

I’d like to put things out on Al Gore’s internet that matter and that touch people, and I’d like to do it in a way that isn’t me-centric. Here’s my effort to create something that might as well have been written by you, because we folks who walk upright on our two legs experience a lot of the same shit, even though we experience a lot of different shit.

sup baby

Roller derby is that perfect clash and blend of collectivism and individualism. It’s like if Japan and America got married and their rollerbaby was like, Hey, teammate. We’re so the same because we’re not the same as anybody else so lets drink some stuff and skate and celebrate it. Actually, RSRD’s bylaws would forbid the rollerbaby to do it in that order, but the rollerbaby would be so cool that it wouldn’t care.

What am I saying?

I’m saying that I don’t fit into any one world, which makes me ironically like a lot of people. A handful of these people reconcile this issue by playing roller derby. I get together with these people at roller rinks, bars, homes, parades: anyplace that permits public hotpanting. No matter the place, it feels a lot like a womb. Warm and comfortable.

With these people, I can say, I haven’t been to mass in a while, and it makes feel guilty. Or I think I might throw up all that Patron. Or Should I wear these Spiderman boy underwear even though you can see my cellulite and my mom will scold me for it?

My teammates don’t always get me, but they get not being gotten. They know what it’s like to feel inconsistent, because work and home sometimes don’t get them.

I hope you get this. If you play roller derby, I’m sure you do. Actually, I take that back. If you’re not just catholic or just a professional or just any one thing, then you already understand what it’s like to need a space that accepts all the parts of you without, itself, feeling threatened.

It’s like finding a lover who adores your smile as much as your absurdly nourished love handles. That’s love. It’s apparently what I’ve been searching for for a while now. It’s roller derby.