Archives for February 2017

I tried giving up sugar once. I drank my tea and coffee black, skipped carbonated drinks, avoided desserts. And I read labels, checking for insidious ingredients like corn syrup and artificial sweeteners. But the prevalence of sugar in the foods we consumed became so overwhelming and my desire for sweets so strong, I gave up giving it up.

I admire my friends who go cold turkey off sugar and caffeine and carbohydrates and a variety of unhealthy edibles. I’d love to know what it feels like and how my body functions without those in my system. But I’ve never be able to do it. I’ve never wanted it enough to battle through the headaches and malaise that seem to hit every time I try to eliminate such foods.

On the other hand, I don’t have a problem spending days away from social media. I can skip FaceBook, ignore Twitter and never glance at Instagram without a thought.

I say all of this because we are on the threshold of the season of Lent. A 40-day period in which many will practice self-denial. A flurry of “I’m giving up” proclamations will go out on social media tomorrow. And the question, which comes up for me every year is, “will I participate? And if so, how?”

You don’t have to be Catholic or Lutheran or from any other liturgical tradition that follows the Church calendar to practice giving something up (although the spiritual side of the practice that accompanies the tradition may be, in some respects, the most powerful aspect of it). In fact, you may have a faith background that practices denial at another time of year. But why not join those who are sacrificing a personal comfort or indulgence over the next forty days? Test your own self-restraint. See what life is like without the presence of something.

In many ways, a challenge like this fits in well with bucket list living. Think about something you’ve always wanted to try doing without. It could be chocolate, sugar, or another food. Or it may be social media, television watching, or sleeping late. Could this be your time to try giving it up?

Or, for a more powerful motivation, consider it this way: what has been missing from or lacking in your life recently? Time with your kids? Laughter? Sleep? Exercise? What could you give up in order to gain that missing piece?

Let the next 40 days be your invitation to tackle a “giving up” bucket list goal. I look forward to celebrating the results in April!

Valentine’s Day yesterday was low key at my house. My husband cooked an amazing meal for me on Sunday. I gave him chocolate and each of my girls a little Valentine’s candy on the 14th.

Compared to the heart-themed-breakfast, love-notes-in-lunch-boxes fusses many of my fellow moms made, it doesn’t sound much like a bucket list celebration, does it?

There’s a reason for that.

Over-the-top celebrations aren’t sustainable for me. And I would argue they aren’t healthy or sustainable for most. They raise the bar and set expectations such that we’re often scrambling to find ways to make the next event memorable, to wow our kids or spouse or friends or social media followers with our creativity and pizzazz, to outdo ourselves. And in the process we cheapen everyday life and rob our kids of anticipation.

Going big has become such a way of life in our culture that I suspect we’re losing the ability to appreciate the ordinary. Our sense of perspective has been skewed by this desire for every milestone or occasion to be bright and amazing. When Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day and Easter share the same level of riotous hype in a household, how do kids learn which of those days is most significant?

When teenage girls become accustomed to up-do’s and manicures and professional makeup for homecoming dances, preceded by an elaborate “ask” by their date, then prom must include limousines and multi-hundred-dollar dresses and fancy “after parties.” But what’s left for the day they become engaged? And how can they help but expect the type of wedding that requires an exorbitant price tag when a mere high school dance merited so many frivolous expenses?

We have become so focused on giving our kids everything now, that we are leaving nothing for later. What will your children’s bucket lists look like when they reach their 20s and their 30s? When they are your age, what will they be hoping to do? How will they not be bored in retirement having done it all already?

More importantly, what do your kids bucket lists look like right now? In the wake of the hype and the busyness and the constant need to go big and achieve much, I’m hearing from kids how they just want a day to hang out at home and do nothing. They want a break from it all. Are you brave enough to give it to them? Or do you fear making them feel “left out” by not giving them every over-the-top experience you think their peers are getting?

Break the cycle. Dare to be the parent who invites their kids to enjoy the ordinary and leaves some bucket list experiences for the future. I know a lot of other moms who would appreciate it. And I’m pretty sure in the long run, your kids will too.

Feeling exhausted from trying to match the over-the-top expectations prevalent among parents? Are you still eager to give your kids meaningful experiences that bring your family closer? I can teach you how. Check out my book Family Bucket Lists, or take my online course, Bonding Through Bucket Lists.

Families today struggle for quality time together. I help them clarify their priorities into a list that motivates and energizes them to do authentically meaningful things together. Families who have created a family bucket list enjoy better family time, experience stronger relationships and live less stressed lives.

I'm a parenting journalist and mom of three who knows what it's like trying to keep a household running and still find quality time with the husband and kids. Family bucket lists are key. I hope you'll stick around to learn how.