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Steve Jobs to launch iPhone 5 via ‘dial-in from the other side’

Tech industry insiders are speculating that before his death, Steve Jobs demanded a new feature be designed into the forthcoming iPhone5 – groundbreaking ‘Dearly Departed’ contact technology, enabling users to call up the spirit world.

‘We envisaged the rumoured enhanced connectivity to be something to do with 4G wireless,’ said one tech journalist, ‘not a new seance setting. Apparently Jobs has been using the feature during handset trials to insist he takes part in tonight’s launch.’

Apple has denied rumours that other senior executives tried to resist Jobs’s participation in the launch by pretending not to hear him on the line and repeatedly asking ‘Is there anybody there?’ and ‘Can you get a message to my Great Aunt Mabel?’