Starbucks’ “Offensive” Holiday Coffee Cups

I just wanted to share my offensive Folgers/Starbucks Frankenstein coffee container with everyone.

Today I learned that a lot of people (read: some people on the internet being fueled by Fox News) have been up in arms about Starbucks’ 2015 holiday coffee cups. In case you haven’t seen them, they are rather beautiful. They’re very minimalist, as is the style these days, but there isn’t anything otherwise remarkable about them.

As I said before, this is clearlythe war on Christmas striking again. This damned coffee shop has the audacity to remove the cute little stockings, snowflakes, and ornaments from the decoration of the cups. Who do they think they are??

Ahem.

First of all, Starbucks can put whatever they want on their cups. If they don’t want to put snowmen on their cups this year, they aren’t obligated to and thinking that it’s some crazy conspiracy to ruin your holiday is just dumb. Maybe they’ll put something on them next year, maybe they won’t. If I were a Starbucks executive, I’d do away with the red cups altogether after this. Throwing a temper tantrum when someone does something you don’t like isn’t how you get them to change. It’s how you get them to throw a bird in your direction and keep doing their thing.

Secondly, as a country full of many different types of people, we have a wide variety of cultures in our melting pot of a nation. You’re not wrong that Christians make up about 2/3 of that (70.6% to be exact), but that still leaves about 96.6 million people unaccounted for if you figure about 322 million to be the total population of the United States. Starbucks is a business – and as much as they would like to pander to the majority, it would probably be unwise to leave nearly 100 million people feeling excluded.

Last, but certainly not least, can we all just take a moment and think about what a hypersensitive group of babies we’ve become? Any time someone doesn’t do exactly what we like we jump up and down and scream and poop in our adult-sized diapers. Starbucks most certainly wasn’t trying to offend anyone with this move and I think that it’s possible that they weren’t even considering the possibility that they would when they designed their cups for 2015. It’s very possible that they were just designing their cups. Because they’re cups. And they don’t mean anything. Because they’re fucking cups.

If you are this terribly offended by cups, I’d really hate to see what you do when something meaningful happens. See you next time, kids. Don’t forget to leave your hate mail in the comments section, below.