Slater Calls It

Heat 1 of the quarterfinals pitted John John Johnny John v Jordy Smith. The North Shore Saint vs the Hometown Hero.

Did I Really Put My Gloves On For This?

It was an early morning start, or late night depending on which side of the equator you were on. Strider, having woke up 10 minutes before, was seen on the beach frantically putting his gloves on and jumping on the back of the ski to give a conditions check. “It’s classic Jbay out here Pottz, I’m freezing my sack off but let’s do the damn thing” said the Wasilewski.

Then, without notice or warning, the sharky waters of Jeffrey’s Bay went flat. A restart after 10 minutes of no waves. Then, on the cusp of another restart after another 10 minutes, Johnny took off on a little inside jizzler. Just staying warm, and ensured a quarterfinal would run.

The clock wound down as 4 foot insiders hit the inside but both surfers were stubborn that a set would approach the horizon. John then turned on an inside one and went for broke with a sick tail waft and tried to combo it with a labia but fell.

Jordy then sat. Sat some more. Bobbed like god damn shark bait. Thought’s of Mick raced in his head. A set came, he finally got his bomb. He shim shammed through a couple sections, dig dug his rail on most of his turns but the judges gave him pity with a 6.5 for his patience.

John John then took off on another medium sized nug and landed a full roto for a 7.33. Jordy answered with a couple sketchy turns to earn a 4.17 and the heat lead.

With 30 seconds left, JJF needed a 3.17. The ocean dribbled up a miracle dribbler and John went, floated the boat and earned a 3.37 and a spot in the semi-finals.

Slater and Kerr were supposed to be up next and Kerrzy was already in the water. Slater turned to Commissioner Kieren Perrow and said “there’s no fucking way I’m paddling out in that devil winded inconsistent slop. If you make me go out, I’ll never let you in the wave pool again you mother fucker.”

Kieren Perrow immediately called the contest off for the day and will resume when Slater allows it.