Cartels and terrorists, beware Ariz. brigade!

This thanks to a bill from Arizona's newest senator, appointed by the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors to fill the void left by the dearly departed Scott Bundgaard.

Alas, it seems Sen. Judy Burges doesn't know that jumping off cliffs is something of an Arizona tradition. You see it almost every day at the state Capitol, where the usual assortment of oddball ideas are being loaded into the clown car and reeling ever closer to the edge.

Possibly the nuttiest one of the year -- and that is saying something -- is Senate Bill 1083, creating the Arizona Special Missions Unit.

This particular piece of kookery is brought to us by Sen. Sylvia Allen. The Snowflake Republican is perhaps best known for her keen sense of geology, having once pointed out during a legislative hearing that the Earth is 6,000 years old.

Turns out she's also an expert in border issues, which is why she chairs the Senate Border Security, Federalism and States Sovereignty Committee.

Thus comes SB 1083, Allen's emergency measure to "protect the life, liberty and property of the citizens of Arizona," a most admirable goal. It's the way she wants to go about it that's goofy.

Allen wants to create a state militia to patrol the border and defend the homeland against Mexican drug cartels and their pals in the Islamic terror group Hezbollah. The terrorists, she says, are training just across the border.

"We are being invaded by criminals who have formed alliances with Mideastern terrorists who use violence in the most evil of ways to intimidate, control and protect their drug- (and) human-smuggling multibillion-dollar business," she told the Senate Appropriations Committee this week.

Lebanese terrorists on our doorstep? It's a horrifying thought. Fortunately, the evidence is non-existent outside of right-wing websites. A State Department spokesman told me there are no known cells of al-Qaida or Hezbollah operating in Mexico or in the Western Hemisphere.

There are, however, the cartels to consider and they are heavily armed and ruthless and they are here.

Allen's new militia -- to be funded annually with $1.4 million in gang task-force money -- would comprise up to 300 armed volunteers who would be available to pursue and arrest anyone suspected of "cross-border criminal activity."

They would, of course, be given training before setting out to take on the cartels and the terrorists. Five whole days of training, in fact, with a day of drills thrown in every month.

Enter a skeptical Sen. David Lujan, D-Phoenix: "So we're going to take on the Middle Eastern terrorists and Hezbollah and the drug cartels with 300 volunteers and hardly any funding?"

Replied Allen: "No sir, but we're going to hope that this might help in that effort because what are you suggesting, that we just sit here and let them come on in here? ... We can either do something or do nothing."

This is something, all right. Soldiers on a shoestring. Well, not quite soldiers.

The bill originally put Allen's militia under the Arizona National Guard. But Maj. Gen. Hugo Salazar, adjutant general of the Guard, expressed concern about niggling little details, things like how the volunteers would be vetted and what problems might arise as they set about chasing suspects and seizing assets.

"There are a lot of things that have to occur before I would be comfortable putting a weapon in a volunteer's hand," he testified last month.

Allen took Salazar's concerns to heart. She amended her bill to bypass Salazar and instead create a stand-alone operation, run by a commander who would adopt "high standards of discipline and order" and oversee forces that would be "highly trained."

As highly trained as you can be in five days, I suppose.

The biggest head-scratcher about this bill -- besides the fact that it actually has been approved by two Senate committees -- is the money. If Hezbollah is really about to roll into Arizona, one would think that we could muster more than $1.4 million.

Salazar said he could put 500 National Guard troops on the border, upon Gov. Jan Brewer's say-so, for about $20 million a year. That would be money well spent, even if there aren't any Middle Eastern terrorists lurking about.

Instead, our leaders are planning a volunteer brigade, one that'll accept private donations. If it's anything like the build-a-border-fence fund, I estimate we'll soon have enough money to buy ...