If Your Best Friend Did THIS, Would You Still Want Her To Be in Your Wedding? (I’ve NEVER Heard of This Dilemma Before!)

I’ve always wanted my best friend from high school to be in my bridal party. But now she has become transgendered—and I’m left with a dilemma. I completely respect her (now his) choice, and see him as the same person as before. Except I don't know for sure what is proper now, wedding-wise.

I feel like it would be okay for him to stand in with the rest of my bridesmaids in a suit to match the girls’ dresses, but I’m hesitant.

I don't mind being unconventional, but is it shallow not to want a man standing in on my pictures? Not to mention all the negative comments I will receive from family, who don't believe in sex change. What should I do? I want to remain true to our friendship, and I really wanted my friend there—just as a girl.

Here are my thoughts:

Well, for starters, if you completely respect your friend’s choice, I would think you would want him to stand by your side on your wedding day as a man, not a girl. Your words say otherwise, but I kind of get the vibe that you’re weirded out by your friend’s sex change. And I don’t blame you—I’m sure it’s a LOT to wrap your head around!

I don’t think it’s shallow if you don’t want a man in your “bridesmaids” pictures, but the solution to that is easy enough. Rory was a bridesman in his friend’s Robyn’s wedding. There are a couple photos of him with the bridesmaids, but most of the bridesmaids photos are just of the girls. Similarly, if your photographer starts with your friend in the pics and then yells, “Okay, the rest of these pictures are ladies only!” I don’t think your friend will have a problem stepping aside. (He doesn’t see himself as a lady, after all!)

The bigger issue will be dealing with your family members. If you think they’re just going to make nasty comments to you beforehand and you’re prepared to defend your friend, go ahead and ask him to be a bridesman. (All you’d have to say is, “I’m sorry if you don’t respect his decision, but I would appreciate it if you would respect my decision to include him in my wedding party.”) If, however, you’re worried they’d cause a scene at your wedding, then I think it’s worth explaining to your friend that you don’t want to make your wedding day awkward for both of you. (No one wants to walk down an aisle and hear a bunch of people whispering nasty stuff, after all!)

If you truly think your family members would make you both uncomfortable, I don’t think you’re doing your friendship a disservice by just asking your friend to be a plain old guest.

Ladies, what do you think? Should Nora ask her friend to be a bridesman? What would you do in her shoes?