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Judge John Hodgman and Bailiff Jesse Thorn are in chambers this week to clear the docket. They rule on cases regarding sides of the bed, TSA Precheck, Star Wars viewing habits and more! Plus a visit from the ghost of a certain Objectivist author and a follow up letter from Philippa of the case "Turing Testimony" about Tinothy! Show notes

Along with surprises, special guests, and live justice lightning rounds, each show will feature a number of live hearings between people in PHILADELPHIA. Judge Hodgman will listen to both sides and then tell them WHO IS RIGHT and WHO IS WRONG.

Previous disputes have included:

-is a hot dog a sandwich?

-when is it may someone else’s Chinese food be legally considered abandoned property?

-is it OK to rifle through the trash for prize coupons in a Canadian pizza parlor?

-will you order my mom to buy me a motorcycle and a vape pen?

If you have a long-simmering fight with a friend or loved one that you’d finally like resolved, submit your case to www.maximumfun.org/jjho and specify that you wish to be heard LIVE ON STAGE and tell us where you live. If we pick your case, YOU GET IN FREE.

Or, just shut your pie hole and come and enjoy this very rare live tour of JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN: LIVE JUSTICE.

Along with surprises, special guests, and live justice lightning rounds, each show will feature a number of live hearings between people in BROOKLYN. Judge Hodgman will listen to both sides and then tell them WHO IS RIGHT and WHO IS WRONG.

Previous disputes have included:

-is a hot dog a sandwich?

-when is it may someone else’s Chinese food be legally considered abandoned property?

-is it OK to rifle through the trash for prize coupons in a Canadian pizza parlor?

-will you order my mom to buy me a motorcycle and a vape pen?

If you have a long-simmering fight with a friend or loved one that you’d finally like resolved, submit your case to www.maximumfun.org/jjho and specify that you wish to be heard LIVE ON STAGE and tell us where you live. If we pick your case, YOU GET IN FREE.

Or, just shut your pie hole and come and enjoy this very rare live tour of JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN: LIVE JUSTICE.

Along with surprises, special guests, and live justice lightning rounds, each show will feature a number of live hearings between people in TURNER FALLS. Judge Hodgman will listen to both sides and then tell them WHO IS RIGHT and WHO IS WRONG.

Previous disputes have included:

-is a hot dog a sandwich?

-when is it may someone else’s Chinese food be legally considered abandoned property?

-is it OK to rifle through the trash for prize coupons in a Canadian pizza parlor?

-will you order my mom to buy me a motorcycle and a vape pen?

If you have a long-simmering fight with a friend or loved one that you’d finally like resolved, submit your case to www.maximumfun.org/jjho and specify that you wish to be heard LIVE ON STAGE and tell us where you live. If we pick your case, YOU GET IN FREE.

Or, just shut your pie hole and come and enjoy this very rare live tour of JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN: LIVE JUSTICE.

Along with surprises, special guests, and live justice lightning rounds, each show will feature a number of live hearings between people in PORTLAND. Judge Hodgman will listen to both sides and then tell them WHO IS RIGHT and WHO IS WRONG.

Previous disputes have included:

-is a hot dog a sandwich?

-when is it may someone else’s Chinese food be legally considered abandoned property?

-is it OK to rifle through the trash for prize coupons in a Canadian pizza parlor?

-will you order my mom to buy me a motorcycle and a vape pen?

If you have a long-simmering fight with a friend or loved one that you’d finally like resolved, submit your case to www.maximumfun.org/jjho and specify that you wish to be heard LIVE ON STAGE and tell us where you live. If we pick your case, YOU GET IN FREE.

Or, just shut your pie hole and come and enjoy this very rare live tour of JUDGE JOHN HODGMAN: LIVE JUSTICE.

If you're curious to know about Magic the Gathering methods suggested by listeners, you can find them below!

Hannah suggested that the friends play:
"Constructed, in which players make their decks ahead of time with whatever cards they can get their hands on. This format is the problem the plaintiff is complaining about.
Or drafting, where they each open a pack of cards and take turns picking cards from those packs until each has built a suitable deck for play. At which point, the two play with these new decks that did not exist prior to the game at hand."

Mark suggested another mode of play:
"I've used this one in friendly, non-tournament play and it helps even the playing field. Everyone brings their favorite decks, and each player randomly selects one of the decks that was brought." Essentially, each player has an equal chance of using an "overpowered" deck during a given match.

and Gabe thought of these:
Reject rare draft
(in which each player donates 45 cards and then drafts cards. The rares are "donated", as everyone takes home the deck they draft and no attempt is made to return the rares to the original owners.)

Peasant
(In Peasant a deck may contain up to 5 uncommon cards and the rest must be common. Peasant Magic was created by Rob Baranowski who felt that players with limited access to cards should still have an opportunity for competitive play.)

Back draft
(where each player tries to build the worst deck possible, because each player gives another player that deck to play in the tournament.)

BONUS: Judge John Hodgman, Bailiff Jesse Thorn and Expert Witness and Automotive Enthusiast Rhea Butcher clear an all-automobile-related docket in a sponsored bonus episode of Judge John Hodgman. They'll weigh in on whether you can avoid being a jerk with a vanity plate, how to decide whose car to drive to the malt shop, new-car advice, and more!

Here's an amazing extended list of best practices from listener and car expert Nick:

* Warming up your car in the winter. In the vast majority of instances, this is unnecessary. This is something that people typically do for their own comfort. They claim that the warm-up is good for the car, but they tell themselves that to assuage their guilt about wasting fuel, polluting unnecessarily, and perhaps doing more harm than good to their car. The crux, for most of these people, is dishonesty and laziness. The car is designed to be warmed up by driving gently until normal operating temperature is reached.

* Proper air conditioning use. The proper way to cool a car’s interior quickly after it’s been baking in the sun is to turn the A/C to the coldest setting, set the blower motor to high, be sure the intake is in the fresh air position (not recirculate), and roll all the windows down. This is the fastest way to get the car comfortably cool. I have a friend who refuses to believe this, claiming that the best practice is to keep the windows up. He is wrong and will stay wrong.

Exceptions include: rain, insect swarm, otherwise foul circumstances

A note on fresh air vs. recirculate: the best strategy is to keep the setting on fresh air, using the recirculate setting sparingly as conditions dictate. Keeping the selector set to recirculate all the time can lead to the car smelling stale, making the car’s owner “that guy” with the gross car. The smell comes on slowly enough that “that guy” is the last one to know how gross he is.

* Fast lane etiquette. The primary purpose of the far left lane is passing. Cruising in the left lane is not only rude and entitled, it often leads to clusters of traffic and encourages frustrated drivers to attempt to make up for lost time by speeding. Furthermore, the fast lane is no place to prove a point to the car behind you. The proper thing to do is make way for faster cars should they approach from behind, helping to prevent traffic clusters. The faster car, after remaining behind the slower car for a sensible amount of time, is permitted a quick flash of the headlights to signal the driver in front. That driver’s responsibility is to make way without taking offense.

Exceptions include: HOV lanes, heavy traffic, surface roads

* Clearing snow and ice before driving. All piled snow should be removed from the vehicle in a way which doesn’t cause damage to the paint. In most cases, a brush will suffice. Once bulk of the snow has been removed, every window and mirror on the car should be cleared entirely, along with every exterior light (brake lights, headlights, turn signals, etc.).

Abtin brings the case against his girlfriend Kelsey over the decor in their new apartment. Abtin wants to go modern and classy. Kelsey says that would be boring and wants furnishings that are more quirky and unique.

BONUS: In reference to the docket item submitted by home-schooled fantasy writer Hunter in Episode 252, we have an audio letter from the Fresh Bananaman Jonathan Niederer. Listen here!

Thanks to Karen Polowick for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

Leigh files suit against her son Duncan. Duncan is ready to take to the open road on a motorcycle. His parents aren't fans of the idea, and want him to wait until he's older and can shoulder the cost and risk on his own.

Thanks to James Hupp for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.

Ty files suit against her partner Zach. Zach is obsessed with earning and using airline points and miles. Ty also likes to travel, but she wants to give up the crazy schemes and choose their vacation destinations and itineraries the "normal" way. Who's right? Who's wrong?

Thanks to David Stephens for suggesting this week's title! To suggest a title for a future episode, like Judge John Hodgman on Facebook. We regularly put a call for submissions.