Postpartum Depression: Effects on Relationships (1)

By: Beth McHugh 2006

Postpartum depression affects roughly one in 8 women and is much more
than a feeling of unhappiness or sadness. It is a real illness, is beyond
the mother’s control, and requires medical intervention.

Postpartum depression may develop as a result of a pre-existing depression
which worsens after birth, or it may come entirely out of the blue.
The condition may occur immediately after the birth, develop suddenly
in the days and weeks following the birth. Alternatively, it may slowly
manifest over a period of weeks and months so that mother and family
alike are initially unaware of the presence of the disorder until it
is well established.

Mother-baby bonding may be temporarily interrupted due to the presence
of postpartum depression. It is rare that the mother is so unwell that
bonding cannot occur at all. More commonly the mother’s condition
fluctuates on a daily, even hourly basis, and makes for difficulties
as the mother generally feels unable to cope with the heavy demands
of being a full-time carer of the new infant.

Although you as a mother may feel withdrawn from your baby and feel
no desire at times to even see or deal with your baby, it does not mean
that your maternal feeling are absent or in some ways “damaged”.
They are still there, just obscured by the cloud of depression. Simply
knowing that you are suffering from an illness, and that illness is
causing you to behave in ways that you would never dream of behaving,
can help mothers to cope better with both their babies and the condition
alike.

It is also important to remember that you as a mother have little control
over the feelings you are experiencing and that in time, and with adequate
treatment, you will recover. Yet there will still be times that you
feel you have nothing to give: remember this is not the real you.
This is the illness. It is the same as if you had influenza, and were
unable to care for your baby. Postpartum depression is a real condition
and has real symptoms. It is simply not possible at this stage of the
illness to “pull your socks up.” You should not expect yourself
to be able to do so, nor should you take on board that same advice from
a well-meaning friend or relative.

Depressed mothers often make life harder by berating themselves for
their inability to be “good mothers,” whatever that concept
means to them. If antidepressants are prescribed and breastfeeding is
discontinued, it is very common for depressed mothers to become even
more distressed due to their perceived inability to “even feed
their own babies.” Again, this is the depression talking. Once
the depression lifts, these thoughts of despair and lack of belief in
your own abilities will vanish, and be replaced by the usual range of
maternal feelings, including love, pride, tiredness, frustration, and
joy.

Women suffering from postpartum depression therefore need constant
reassurance that all will be well once the depression has lifted. In
the next blog, we will discuss how best to care for mother and child,
preserving the mother/child bond during this difficult time, and helpful
hints for the father and other family members.