Let’s get real – Life is a process and I am still working on it

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now.

I feel like for the better part of the last year or so I have been struggling. Last fall I had the snowball effect — where all the things I never dealt with became an avalanche in my life. When that avalanche came crashing now, I sought out help and after a few therapy meetings, I was diagnosed with a mild form of depressive anxiety. “Mild” only being defined on the spectrum, not that it feels mild to me.

But since January, I would like to believe I have been on the upswing. There are more good days than bad, the days where tears swell in my eyes for “no apparent reason” are becoming fewer and far between.

But being on the upswing doesn’t make it any less terrifying. I have started to create a new foundation, but it isn’t solid yet. Every so often one of those bad days hits and it makes me question all the work I have accomplished. Those bad days make me want to run…. run far away and forget all the troubles I left behind. To forget all the progress I have made and start new.

So I guess I am struggling with being comfortable in this new skin I have and learning to trust the ground I have rebuilt. This process of rebuilding has been crucial for me. I have learned a great deal about myself. What makes me tick and how my feelings impact the decisions I make. Being conscious about my feelings has been huge.

There are plenty of things I need to continue to work on, relationships with people is the most important, but I have come to realize the things that are must-haves in my life. Things that I cannot live without but for a long time was doing just that.