Americans guide to English abuse - pt1

This is a discussion on Americans guide to English abuse - pt1 within the A Brief History of Cprogramming.com forums, part of the Community Boards category; (You know who this is for!!!!!)
CAD - a person who behaves dishonourably
BOUNDER (slang) - errrrr.....a cad
SCURVY KNAVE ...

American's rules for being in England
1. You are not funny.
2. You have a horrible accent
3. You are not the only person in the world.
4. You will probably have to pay for two seats on the bus.
5. We are superior, bow down to us.

A Brit's guide to being in America:
1)We are loads funnier than you. If we don't laugh - it's not funny
2)The average limey might weigh less than the average American, but I bet the average limey can't lift anything heavier than a loaf of bread
3)Kidney anything is not a meal
4)Having a goofy accent does NOT make you superior
5)If you choose to ride one of our busses you will probably be scared off by the gang members miles before your stop.

[history class]
In the old days when they had to sale for 3 months to cross the atlantinc(or wherever) a lot of sailors suffered from scurvey, which is a vitamin deficency. So we brits clever people that we are, gave our sailors fresh fruit and as limes were the cheapest...
[/history class]

Originally posted by zig_zag_wanderer Tip for Americans traveling abroad: Constantly remind everyone that if not for America, they'd all be speaking German. Maybe not something you should try in German speaking countries, such as Germany

We could have won the war without you, and we had more beaches than you :P

To Pom's and Septic's DownUnder
1)We are lauging AT you not with you.
2)The only thing out here that cares about your weight is our wildlife.
3)No Australian would be seen dead / sober with a can of Fosters, let alone drink one.
4)Vegimite is in fact poisonous in large doses, we just want to see your face as you try it.
5)If you choose to ride one of our buses you will probably be killed by a spider at the bus stop.

6)If an Australian tells you that some flora or fauna is poisonous, then it probably is.
7)If they tell you it isn't, it definitely is.

Originally posted by zig_zag_wanderer Tip for Americans traveling abroad: Constantly remind everyone that if not for America, they'd all be speaking German. Maybe not something you should try in German speaking countries, such as Germany

Tip for locals dealing with American tourists: we are not the "suggestion box" for the United States.

Tip for locals dealing with American tourists: we are not the "suggestion box" for the United States.

Tip for Americans on meeting British tourists - the chances that a British tourist knows your Uncle's best friend's cousin who moved to London in 1962 are around 56 million to 1 (especially if the tourist comes from Scotland).