Kenya Moore returns home from Charlotte, to find her house vandalized. It seems MattJordan is made of magic carpets, because after driving ALL night to Charlotte where he harassed Kenya at Club One, he turned right around and drove all night back to ATL to smash in Kenya’s garage windows, sprinkle (was that juice? blood? droplets of rage?), break her car window and her back door, and spray paint over her security cameras. Dang – hell hath no fury like a man scorned.

The first caller dives right in and asks about the “golden shower” rumors, Porsha answers, “yeah, someone asked me about that. I was on a press tour and was like ‘what?!’ I don’t know, it’s a drinking a game, people say true and false things, I don’t know.” Andy wants her to clarify, “so that wasn’t true?” Porsha replies, “I mean, I don’t get peed on. Let’s just make that clear.”

Clearly there is no love lost between Kandi Burruss and Phaedra Parks. The Real Housewives of Atlanta co-stars and former besties haven’t been exactly tip-toeing around their true feelings for one another this season and Kandi‘s new blog confirms that. She addresses the Johnnie situation/lawsuit and blasts Phaedra.

On Johnnie‘s Instagram slam, Kandi confesses she was floored he was referring to her. “I was wondering who he was talking about, because there were a lot of people in the picture, other friends of ours. I was really baffled, because we had just paid his event company to do our convention and as far as I knew we were on good terms.”

I love how the RHOAeditors subtly alluded to these Kandi/Shamea lesbian rumors by randomly showing us a segment of Kandi’s employee talking about a Bedroom Kandi sex toy for lesbian couples. I cannot be the only one who picked up on this? Since when does the show highlight Kandi’s products – aside from when she self promotes? But anyway, thankfully we had Sheree around to stir the pot and let Phaedra and Kandi know what they were saying about each other.

I am so over Chateau Sheree and all of its associated drama. I cannot stress enough how I am beyond disinterested in all of the real estate-centered plot lines on Real Housewives shows. Thankfully, Sheree Whitfield and Kenya Moore did manage to throw some solid shade about their feuding mansions, but it definitely played out real quick. And now Sheree has even more to deal with since the news broke that she’s being sued by a contractor.

Color me shocked. Everything about this mansion construction and decoration is suspect. Don’t get me wrong, I live for Sheree’s insults on Real Housewives of Atlanta, but I never comprehended how Sheree could realistically afford Chateau Sheree. And based on Sheree’s well-documented financial issues, it seems like she really can’t, so I’m not at all surprised that she’s being sued. And I’m sure Kenya is absolutely loving it and looking up the perfect gif to post along with the news.

On the other side of the spectrum, freed from the clutches of one felonious fool, Phaedra Parks is happily clutching her pearls while smirking the good fortune that has fallen into her lap. Or into her law office, rather, and it’s not a bomb threat this time. And Porsha Williams continues her travels backwards in maturity by sneaking her boyfriend into her mom’s house for a little late-night nookie (with Yoni balls).