Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Middle-Aged Men Are Destroying Society and the Planet

Until recently, the majority of middle-aged men getting on their bikes were either going for a leisurely Sunday spin or simply heading to work. Wearing lurid jerseys and calf-hugging tights, they were, as the acronym attests, MAMILs - middle-aged men in lycra.However, these nine-to-five road racers have been changing lanes of late. In fact, they've veered off-course so dramatically that they've left the carriageway altogether. For the mild-mannered middle-aged rider is increasingly eschewing the flat tarmac for off-road trails and cross-country courses. In other words, the MAMIL has gone muddy.

One reason for this is that these so-called MAMILs are finding road riding boring:

"After several years on the road," says Bradley, "I found that I enjoyed riding downhill on dirt tracks much more than I did riding uphill on roads. For me, road cycling feels like something you only do for fitness – there isn’t much excitement or thrill.

What? No excitement or thrill?!? Bradley must be doing it wrong, because there's nothing quite like tickling the undercarriage of Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" speed on a well-tuned Fred sled.

In fact it's so exhilarating that the original video warrants another viewing:

The "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" comes in at about 52 seconds in case you're wondering.

Another reason middle-aged men are heeding the call of the mountain bike trails is that there's a whole bunch of new expensive crap for them to buy:

"But mountain biking is the complete opposite," the 44-year old continues, "and, because good quality mountain bikes can cost a fortune – up to £7,000 in some cases – it’s increasingly becoming a sport for the middle-aged man.

I'm not quite sure it's fair to imply mountain bikes are any more expensive than road bikes, and in fact I'd argue that the bicycle industry has done a fantastic job of making it equally easy to spend ridiculous amounts of money on stupid stuff you don't need whether you're a road weenie or a mountain dork.

Certainly though it's true that once a middle-aged man has gone all the way down the rabbit hole of carbon wheels and electronic shifting and aero bars and power meters and coaching and all the rest of it, eventually he's going to dig clear through to the other side of the earth and emerge blinking in the daylight again. At this point he'll have only two choices:

1) Wait around for the next must-have technological development while his bankroll burns a hole in the pocket of his Rapha jersey;

2) Start digging a completely new rabbit hole by picking up mountain biking and all the full-suspension #whapressureyourunning wankery that comes with it.

Plus, what's not being said here is that mountain biking will also allow them to spend money on their cars, or even provide them with excuses to buy new cars, since undoubtedly they'll be driving to all their rides now and they'll need an appropriate sport utility vehicle in order to park on that small dirt patch by the trailhead. Then they'll need a new racking system, and coolers for their lunch, of course an air compressor because you can't use a floor pump for a mountain bike, everybody knows that.

And then there's the safety gear:

"And it's not only the bike," says Bradley. "I wear a full face helmet, body armour and specialist heavy duty clothing when I ride downhill – which also costs a fortune! But it’s worth spending the money for good quality kit because, as fun as the sport is, it does take its toll on your body – I’ve had four operations in the last four years that attest to that!"

Okay, if you need surgery every year because you keep crashing your bike you need to consider three (3) possibilities:

1) Your safety equipment sucks;
2) You suck;
3) Maybe you'd be able to control your bike better if you weren't clad in all that armor.

Most likely though it's due to a combination of the three, with 75% attributable to #2 and the remaining 25% split more or less evenly between #1 and #3.

Then again, it would appear that these middle-aged men like having surgery, because here's another one who can't seem to ride a bike without destroying a part of himself:

"I've seen massive changes in health and safety in this country," continues Briggs. "And, in a progressively more sanitised and safety-conscious society, I find that off-road biking provides a genuine physical challenge and real risks: I’ve shattered my ankle in the past, and other injuries are common. "And I think this danger is what attracts middle-aged men to the sport. There are technical challenges as you ride over difficult, rough and steep terrain and obstacles. It's one of the last remaining hold-outs of real bravery. And that, coupled with it being more fun than exercising in a gym, is why I think older men are benefitting from the adrenaline rush."

Wow, really? Rushing into a burning building to rescue a child is brave. Riding a £7,000 mountain bike into a tree and heading to the ER on an annual basis is just stupid.

But what if you're a middle-aged man with lots of money to spend who's pining cycling adventures in the woods, yet you're still weirdly averse to having reconstructive surgery on a regular basis? Well, fortunately for you there's the ultimate foraging bike:

It comes complete with all the tools you need for a day of bike-based foraging in the countryside, followed by consumption of the fruits of your labour. In other words, it's equipped with ample storage space and a selection of pots, pans, utensils and even a barbecue so you can find and eat your food while travelling through the countryside on two wheels.

Yes, if you've ever stood in a Williams-Sonoma and thought, "Boy, I wish I could ride this whole store into forest!" then this is the bike for you:

The bike is of course only one part of the equation here. It comes equipped with all the tools of the trade the adept forager could ever need, plus all the equipment a dedicated outdoor chef could need to prepare and eat the foraged treasures. This includes:A fire-pit BBQUpcycled pots and pansPlates and utensils made from pine tree fibresStainless steel water bottle and thermosChopping board, made of recycled boat decking no lessAssorted Opinel knives including a mushroom knife, sharpening stone, foraging hookDetachable wicker basketHip flask

What, no wine fridge?

It says something about our profound stupidity as a species that we go through all this trouble to have urbane dining experiences in the woods, yet when we're in the city we spend a fortune to eat at quasi-rustic farm-to-table restaurants designed to make us feel like we're eating on top of an upended crate in a barn.

Yes, it's our constant desire to do exactly the opposite of whatever we're doing at a given moment that drives all human innovation, and it's this relentless dissatisfaction that will ultimately cause us to completely destroy both the planet and ourselves.

After months of uncertainty, Chris Horner has finally found a team for the 2016 season, signing on with the Lupus Racing Team. The news comes days after Slovenian Jure Kocjan, who had been slated to lead the up and coming squad, was provisionally suspended by the UCI after one of his 2012 doping control samples was re-analysed and found positive for EPO. The team fired Kocjan upon hearing the news.

("That's what I like about these bike racers; I get older, they stay the same age.")

Then again, Horner was probably inspired by Jens Voigt, another old doper who milked it for as long as he could--though Voigt was far more savvy and enjoyed enduring popularity due to his endearing German accent and his shrewd method of riding aggressively while not actually winning anything. (Cycling fans love nothing more than futility.)

You know, there's a big difference between the completely voluntary pain Voigt experienced while riding his bike for money and actual debilitating physical emotional pain, which is why any t-shirt logo should pass the hospital test. It's simple: before buying any t-shirt, ask yourself, "Would I feel like an asshole wearing this in a hospital?" In the case of this particular shirt the answer is a clear "Yes," since it would clearly be offensive to people who are suffering (injured MAMILs making their annual trip to the ER excluded).

“We are tightening up our structure and focusing it on three key areas: innovation, marketing, and supply chain,” said Mike Sinyard, Specialized founder and CEO. “We are investing in new R&D space in Switzerland, Taiwan, and Morgan Hill that will keep us at the forefront of cycling innovation. We are focusing on marketing that will expand the global market for our brand and help our retailers drive traffic and sales. And finally, we are investing in our supply chain to ensure we are delivering the best product at the best price to riders and our retailers. All of this is an investment in our future.”

112 comments:

115. The system HAS TO force people to behave in ways that are increasingly remote from the natural pattern of human behavior. For example, the system needs scientists, mathematicians and engineers. It can’t function without them. So heavy pressure is put on children to excel in these fields. It isn’t natural for an adolescent human being to spend the bulk of his time sitting at a desk absorbed in study. A normal adolescent wants to spend his time in active contact with the real world. Among primitive peoples the things that children are trained to do tend to be in reasonable harmony with natural human impulses. Among the American Indians, for example, boys were trained in active outdoor pursuits - just the sort of thing that boys like. But in our society children are pushed into studying technical subjects, which most do grudgingly.

Screw professional cycling and the latest fredly fads. What I really want, no NEED to know is have you rung your spurcycle bell yet? Did old ladies and small children run screaming from your path? Do all of the new york city cabs within a 10 block radius pull over to let you through? Did Leroy's dog perk his head up over 5 miles away?

The Forager Bike guy looks pretty Nonplussed if you ask me, or even if you don't ask...

The "Hospital Test" is so true...

And speaking of Mike SuedYou, how did he copyright the city of Roubaix, France anyway since Fuji had a Roubaix bike like back in the 1980's? Further to this-

"We are tightening up our structure and focusing it on three key areas: innovation, marketing, and supply chain,” said Mike Sinyard, Specialized founder and CEO. “We are investing in new R&D space in Switzerland, Taiwan, and Morgan Hill that will keep us at the forefront of cycling innovation. We are focusing on marketing that will expand the global market for our brand and help our retailers drive traffic and sales. And finally, we are investing in our supply chain to ensure we are delivering the best product at the best price to riders and our retailers. All of this is an investment in our future."

They could fix their supply chain and enhance their retailers by selling the extra groups they buy from Shimano to their dealers at discounted prices instead of back-dooring them to Ribble, Wiggle, ProBikeKit, etc.

As a Middle Aged Man that enjoys mountain biking, I think another reason for an increase in Middle Aged Guys riding mountain bikes, is that mountain biking has been around long enough for many of us to age with it. In effect, mountain biking has become middled aged.

I got my first mountain bike in 1990 when I graduated from High School. I've been riding mountain bikes ever since.

I too am a middle aged male of the human species. I first ventured off road on knobby tires in 1985. Witnessed the whole progression and all that. I still ride a little on the trails. I ride fairly conservatively and don't crash. That'd be dumb. Mostly these days though I ride my recumbent trike and terrorize society on the rail trails.

Sheee-it!I didn't realize I've bee doing the whole mountain biking thing all wrong. I rode the same shitty Specialized Hard Rock with a generic front suspension fork for 15 years - total cost was about $350 (that's about 200 GB pounds at current rates) a far cry from the 7 fucking thousand pounds that Alistair (or whatever his name is - I think all Brits are named either Nigel or Alistair)thinks qualifies as a good mtb. I've never had any operations as a result of mountain biking, so I'm behind the curve on that one too! Safety equipment, shmaftey equipment, I wear a helme(n)t 'cause I don't have enough hair to get the dreaded "helme(n)t" hair look and I limit myself to long sleeved sweatshirts and sweatpants because of deer ticks. Here on Long Island, we put away our Fred-ly road stuff around mid-November and take to the woods as a way to refine our manly "outdoors skills" in rag-tag clothes and dirty bikes.

Pfft! The bike industry is shocked you aren't dead from riding equipment older than 36, no wait, 24 months. Not that their equipment would be to blame. Do you realize how much faster you'll go after spending $5000? Real fast! Like $5000 lighter fast! Go today!

Why the UCI picked that guy out of the herd of dopers is an enduring mystery. Maybe the bribes to make the positive go away weren't big enough?

Good thing America's top doper is there to fill the slot. Horner mysteriously unable to return anything like a Vuelta-winning level of athletic performance. Unlike the many dopers, Horner is friendly. That's why the MAMIL love for Horner will continue.

.22 caliber lightweight survival type rifle. (for sniping tasty squirrels)Fly rod/ spinning bait caster and associated tackleHopefully that knife kit has suitable fillet blade. I doubt it so may as well add that to the list as well.

WCRM, can we just eliminate any future content having to do with professional cycling from your blog. I think your views are pretty clear: every pro cyclists, past, current and future is a cheater. It's kind of like arguing that pro wrestling is fake. Pointless and at a point tiresome.

Stuff like this, is truly more interesting and insightful.

"Yes, it's our constant desire to do exactly the opposite of whatever we're doing at a given moment that drives all human innovation, and it's this relentless dissatisfaction that will ultimately cause us to completely destroy both the planet and ourselves."

I must be doing the whole MTB thing wrong...Aside from the occasional flesh wound or poison ivy, I have never been in an ER for a MTB related injury. I was once in for stitches after a mutual hatefest with a motorist about 20 yrs ago.

"WCRM, can we just eliminate any future content having to do with professional cycling from your blog. I think your views are pretty clear: every pro cyclists, past, current and future is a cheater. It's kind of like arguing that pro wrestling is fake. Pointless and at a point tiresome."

What's with the "we" there? On your own blog, you can do whatever you want; and on his blog, Snob can do whatever he wants.

I should leave a snarky remark about being middle aged, but what caught my attention was the caption - ("That's what I like about these bike racers; I get older, they stay the same age."). Is that an obtuse reference to Dennis Quaid in Breaking Away in the scene overlooking the football stadium? Best Dennis Quaid acting scene of all time, except for maybe his performance in Jaws 3.

I would not want to eat off of anything made from recycled boat decking.The myriad of chemicals used in preparation, coating, staining, scrubbing, recoating, re-oiling, getting old oil off it. No thanks.

Now if it were made out old Gowanus building flooring reclaimed during superfund operations, I'd think about it...

"I'm just gonna be Mike. Twenty year-old Mike. Thirty year-old Mike. Old, mean old man Mike. These college kids out here - they're never gonna get old or out of shape 'cause new ones come along every year."

Dazed and Confused was also a great movie - School of Rock even better (maybe)

As a coffee cup I once won on a semi-professional bike blog states - Not Old - Classic.

I too fall into the aged along with mountaineering cycling category - indelible memory of a big group ride in the Allegheny Mountains in early 1990's when I was on my Schwinn Traveler city bike that I threw laughably wider tires on, riding with a bunch of Barneys on "real" mountain bikes. I bent the small ring in the first mile and had to live without it for the rest of the day.

I still love rides through the woodsie trails, but they are few and far between because Mid-Classic comes with too much stupid time gobbling crap, so putting the bike on a car and driving somewhere usually ain't happening unless I am going to be somewhere with trails for another reason.

Middle-aged downhill? That's just dumb. Leave that for the kids-these-days-with-their-ass-crack-showing, etc. Classic = long time to mend bones.

Middle aged guy here, haven't been on a road ride in 15 years, boring. Only ride on roads to get to work/store/event. Do so on a MTB. Mountain bikes and trail riding have been constants in my life since 1985, when I was 18.

Somehow today's post bummed me out. I guess because in the last year or two, I've finally started to FEEL old. Maybe it's time to take a ride on the pharm trail. Anybody have Horner's doctor's number?

I don't think they're talking about long-time mountain bikers who are now middle aged mountain bikers because that's how time works. They're talking about sad Freds getting into mountain biking. Man, it's a sad story. And Fred specific. It seems like they got so into power meters and Strava and who-knows-what that they couldn't feel that they were on a bike when they were on bikes. So now they need logs and mud to force them into mindfulness. The injuries re probably a by-product of Fredly focus on metrics instead of being on the bike in the here and now. Just because you had x speed the prior weekend doesn't mean that the ground conditions are the same...

Am I still middle aged if my first road bike had wingnuts on the axles and my first mountain bike had bull-moose handlebars? Or am I over the hill already?NOTE: I struggle to ride over all but the smallest of hills...

My 2nd mountain bike, a snazzy chrome Ross Mt. Hood, had roller cam brakes, with the back one mounted under the chain stays. I suppose that was the 80's equivalent of having a road bike with dick breaks in the 21st century. I think that means I've been a fred/barney almost my whole life. (sigh...)

Also, and this may be easy to say because I'm still under 40, but people seem to be in denial about the existence and definition of middle age. Here's a checklist: Does any event more than 20 years ago feel recent? When you refer to yourself as a young person, do people either smirk or (worse) make their face go completely blank? Look up this week's Billboard 100 chart. Do you recognize 40% or less of the artists? (You don't have to like them, it's pop. But do you recognize them?) If you answer yes to more than 2 of these questions, you're very probably middle aged. It's no sin. The only shame is in fighting it.

Well, I just looked up that Billboard 100 and I only recognized 20% of those, ahem, artists. I was hoping it would be 2%. I'm 52. My bike is older than a couple of my lady friends. So I got that going for me, which is pathetic...I know.

"Look up this week's Billboard 100 chart. Do you recognize 40% or less of the artists?"

In my younger days, or "youth", I followed music intensely. Today I probably couldn't get 20% right (I was right, see below). Music wise I have a bunch of old jazz on iTunes and cds (that ancient technology), be grudgingly parted with my vinyl a few years ago.

Billboard has a "Hot 100" (is Hot the new Top?) and a Pop 20. On the 100 I got 11 out of about 85 (some artists appear on the list more than once for different songs). On the top 20 I got 6 out of around 15, a much better batting average. There is also a Top Canadian 100 list, I'll leave quizzing that list to Babble and CC.

While I have left some skin on the macadam from time to time, this middle-aged man's only encounter with medical treatment arising from cycling was a broken rib suffered in a downhill mountain biking crash.

Am I middle aged? I think not! I am still a young whippersnapper. The test stated above is not accurate for me. I recognized 6 of the artist in the Top 100 list. That is not because I am now middle aged.

Now if all the people who have have teen aged kids will just stop calling me "Mister..." all will be well for another day.

No Fred, no Barney, no commuter, just a Pathetic Old Cyclist. I get my 3 to 4 rides weekly, a paddle or two on Sourh Shore LI, a monthly hike or backpack.

At 58, everything is a gift. Sounds corney, but true. Someday the riding ,hiking, paddling miles will stop. I will then be an old curmudgeon, sitting on the lawn, THROWING SHIT AT EVERYONE WHO RIDES BY!

Heh. Old? Check. Suck? Double check. In fact I totally rock the sucking. I'm an expert at it!! And this old body goes into cardiac arrest if I drink the wrong fucking herbal tea, so you'd better believe that I'm not going to let a couple of trips to the ER stop me from riding, suckingness be damned. Which it isn't. Everybody loves a good cocksucker.

Okay here's a simpler test. Can you buy a beer in the U.S. for someone who was born when you were in your twenties? Then you're middle aged. I don't see what's wrong with it. There's a million cool ways to be be middle aged. The only sad iteration is clinging to youth. Don't believe me? look at any Madonna video from the last 10 years.

Wrong with it? Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit. Given the chance to be 25 again, I wouldn't do it. Never go back to being that dumb, are you kidding me? And ruled by my dick. "Hey but don't you want this Viagra/Cialis/whatnot so that you never have a moment's peace from pussy etc.?" No. Dick slavery: NEVER GO BACK!

Funny. I find him to be an insufferable prig who espouses a way of eating that is simply unattainable unless you have at least 40 hours a week to dedicate to gardening, animal husbandry, foraging, harvesting, and (heaven forbid) shopping for and preparing your meals.

He's British. We Europeans have actually been known to do that kind of shit, and enjoy it - long before anyone from Brooklyn decided to declare it "artist anal". Possibly not your way of life, but old school legit just the same.

An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If possible, as you become expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more details? It is highly helpful for me. Big thumb up for this blog post! Italianspecial.comStudent-travel-tips.comCherryvillageresort.com

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!