Is that a romantic dinner in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

Police in Florida could only wonder when they arrived at a supermarket where a 31-year-old man allegedly attempted to shoplift four steaks and a pair of candles by hiding the items in his trousers, according to the Naples Daily News.

Officials arrested Naples resident Dannial Ashley last week after grocery store employees spotted him stuffing the meat and candles -- unlit, of course -- into his pants. When one store worker confronted Ashley, the would-be thief ditched his stolen goods and attempted to escape on foot, WDBO reports.

The incident took place just two weeks after authorities released Ashley on bond following an incident involving aggravated assault, according to the Collier County Sheriff's Office.

Despite the escape attempt, an employee reportedly chased down Ashley and convinced him to walk back to the store.

Authorities promptly arrested Ashley and returned the steak and candles to the store.
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The Jedi Temple may have been destroyed in the Great Jedi Purge, but that hasn't deterred some people from worshipping The Force.

According to CzechPosition.com, the results of the Czech Republic's new census that were unveiled this month reveal that 15,070 citizens of the country listed their religion as Knights of the Jedi. While that may pale in comparison to the 1.08 million people who self-identified as Catholics and over four million who declined to list their faith, it's still a sizable portion of people who believe -- or jokingly claim to, in reaction to an intrusive census -- in the intangible energy made famous by the "Star Wars" films.

Though the Czech Knights of the Jedi wrote in their choice, other nations, such as New Zealand and Great Britain, already list the Jedi Church amongst the formal religion options. According to Time Magazine, over 390,000 Britons said that they practiced the religion in 2001.

The Church of the Jedi's website pitches their faith as less bizarre than it may seem. The Force, they say, is "an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together," and "is a concept that most religions of the world concur with. Some refer to it as their deity, some refer to it as a life force, but the one thing nearly all religions agree with, is that there exists a single unifying force."

"Star Wars," the Church says, helped create the religion's terminology, but it did not create the faith itself.

"The force has always existed and always will," their website reads. "Often references are made to the movies by our members, as a conceptual demonstration of how some might ascribe to the higher levels of a Jedi faith, in a far away land, a long time ago. The fact remains, that these concepts merely reflect a deep held innate morality, that we all have inside us... This morality existed prior to the movies. The movies do not in any way legitimize nor negate the legitimacy of the Jedi Church. They are merely a discussion point."

There are times when divorce forces people to do strange things. Burn sheets. Throw out clothes. Toss rings into the ocean. But when you get $100 million in your divorce, you can trump just about anything and that's what happened with Tiger Woods' ex-wife when she bought a $12 million home and bulldozed the whole thing.

Yes, according to TMZ, Elin Nordegren bought a $12 million home in North Palm Beach, Fla., but didn't like it, and has plowed the whole thing.

The house, which had six bedrooms and eight bathrooms, is now just rubble, with no word yet on what is going to replace the beautiful building you see above, but I guess when you have nine figures in the bank, it doesn't really matter what you want.

I guess we can all applaud Elin on not rolling over after all this happened and continuing on with her life. But I think we can all agree on one thing: Why in the world is she still in Florida? Wouldn't you want to move back home for good?

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — A Madison man with an unusual name is in jail after police said he violated his bail conditions from a previous run-in with the law.

Thirty-year-old Beezow Doo-Doo Zopitty-Bop-Bop is tentatively charged with carrying a concealed knife, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation after his arrest Thursday. He remained in jail as of Sunday. Jail records don't list a bail amount or an attorney for him.

The Capital Times reports he was arrested after residents complained of excessive drinking and drug use near Reynolds Park.

Court records show his previous name was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, and he legally changed it to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopitty-Bop-Bop in October. He was arrested in another Madison park last April after police found a loaded handgun in his backpack.

I think the cop asked him, "Are there two T's in Zopitty or just one?"

Last week, we brought you the story of Elin Nordegren's curious-at-the-time decision to knock down a $12 million mansion. It seemed, at first glance, a rather conspicuous display of wealth -- I've got so much money I can demolish a mansion and build a new one! A divorce from Tiger Woods, it seemed, was the gift that kept on giving.
Well, turns out that there was a pretty good reason for razing the North Palm Beach, Fla., estate: termites. A report in People magazine indicated that the 1920s-era mansion fell short of current hurricane safety codes, and combined with a termite infestation, that was enough to warrant blasting it down to the sand.

Also of note: Nordegren offered a local Habitat for Humanity chapter a month to take whatever it could from the mansion before demolition. (No, don't go all, "Oh, so generous, donating termite-infested wood!" on Elin. It was a nice gesture.)
Still, as you can see from the pre-demolition photo, that was a good-lookin' little shack there, regardless of what evil lurked behind its walls:

Apparently Elin thinks so too, because she's filed plans with the Palm Beach County Department of Planning, Zoning and Building that seem to indicate that the new mansion will look a whole lot like the old one. There'll be nine bedrooms, two kitchens, two Jacuzzis, a pool cabana and a three-bedroom guest house.

Tiger Woods, meanwhile, will somehow manage to suffer through his day-to-day life in his meager $50 million-plus bachelor pad.

As far as male manga artists go, Pikupikun is considered a dreamboat. Pikupikun, who draws erotic manga, plays up his looks, frequently uploading photos of himself in the shower, in revealing outfits, or just cosplaying in dresses.

No wonder he's developed a sizable following with female readers. But sorry ladies, Pikupikun's work won't appear in the April issue of Pinky magazine. It seems Pikupikun has injured himself. While pleasuring himself.

The magazine's publisher, Bunkasha, passed along an apology via Twitter, stating that Pikupikun was stricken with laceration on penis during "furious masturbation".

Because of this misfortune, Pikupikun missed his deadline, and his work won't be in print for the April Pinky. The manga artist has not updated his blog since Feb. 8.

"We do expect him to return for the next issue," tweeted the publisher. "From here on, masturbation is prohibited before deadlines." Noted!

LOS ANGELES (CN) - A woman claims in a Federal Court complaint that her ex-husband met her after she was hired to work at McDonald's and later pushed her into prostitution in Nevada. She blames McDonald's USA in part for the events.

Shelley Lynn sued her ex-husband, Keith Handley, his company Ivernia, and McDonald's USA, in Federal Court.

Lynn claims she was "economically and psychologically" coerced into prostitution by Handley, whose company Ivernia owns or owned McDonald's franchises. The events she describes took place roughly two decades ago.

According to the complaint, Handley hired Lynn to work as a counter person at a McDonald's in 1982 in Arroyo Grande, Calif., and they began dating in December 1985.

Included in the allegations against McDonald's, she has the ubiquitous fast food franchise works to keep unions out, offers an inferior health care plan and no pension benefits. Most employees, she says, are paid minimum wages, as was Lynn. And, she says in her complaint, "There is no affirmative action to encourage women employees and other women to purchase franchises."

Turning to her ex-husband, Lynn says his goal was to turn her "into a prostitute earning a lot of money -- at least for a non-union, low wage McDonald's employee. At the time Handley began dating Lynn, she says in her complaint, Handley ordered Mr. McGrady, one of his managers, to terminate Lynn for insubordination which was sham."

"This made Lynn extremely vulnerable to Handley's demands," said the complaint. "McDonald's had no policy in place whereby Lynn could have filed a grievance against Handley, Ivernia, and McDonald's," she says in her action.

Lynn claims Handley bought a home in Las Vegas for her, as she wanted to work as a performer in a Las Vegas show, but that after he bought the home he told her "that she would have to go to work as a prostitute because Handley could not maintain both the Las Vegas home and his home in Arroyo Grande. Handley then began pressuring Lynn on an almost daily basis, arguing with her every day that she needed to become a prostitute in a legal brothel, it was no big deal to engage in sex to make money, that she would lose her home and everything she had, which was true," according to the complaint.

In December 1986, Lynn says, she began working at the Chicken Ranch in Pahrump, Nevada, where she claims she became a "top booker," and once was required to have sex with 12 men in one night.

While working for the Chicken Ranch, the complaint states, one man grabbed her breast so hard it left a bruised imprint of his hand on her breast. Even if she was having dinner, she had to leave if a man showed up and wanted sex, according to the complaint.

Lynn says she and Handley were married in March 1988, but later divorced.

According to Lynn's complaint, McDonald's "failed to conduct a due diligence into the moral character of Handley when it sold franchises to him."

She claims McDonald's "failed to properly supervise and train Handley, as a direct result of which Handley used his position as an employer and conspired with his corporation Ivernia to coerce and bribe two of Ivernia's employees to make false statements against Lynn during Handley's dissolution and to suppress relevant evidence he had disclosed about himself ... . Handley also engaged in pimping operations out of the McDonald's franchises he owned," according to the complaint.

Lynn claims that McDonald's "does not insure employee policies are in place to protect against unscrupulous and criminal individuals like Handley. It has an active, notorious, and hostile campaign to keep unions out. It offers an inferior health care plan and no pension benefits. Most employees are paid minimum wages as was Lynn. There is no affirmative action to encourage women employees and other women to purchase franchises."

Lynn seeks lost wages, special damages, compensatory damages, and punitive damages for sex trafficking, negligent retention and supervision of franchisees, and racketeering, among other claims.