Q&A

Is oral sex okay, so that you don’t go all the way?

If you are being called to marriage, then right now your future spouse is somewhere out there. Do you ever wonder what she or he is doing right now? Maybe he is running drills during basketball practice, or maybe she is laughing with friends at a coffee shop as they cram for a test. Suppose that he or she is elsewhere, namely at the house of a person who finds him or her attractive.

The parents are not home, and as you read this, that person is trying to talk your future spouse into having oral sex. If you could speak to the heart of your future spouse right now, would you say, “Oh, go ahead—just make sure you don’t go all the way, honey!” Probably not. You would also have some words for the other person, such as, “That’s my bride!” or “That’s the man who will be raising my children one day.” You would feel offended by what that person is trying to get from your future husband or wife.

One reason why oral sex is gaining popularity is because people think that it is a safe alternative to sex. Although you will not get pregnant from it, it is anything but safe. I once asked a microbiologist which STDs you could not get by means of oral sex. She replied, “I can’t think of any that you can’t get from oral sex (including HIV).” Sure enough, doctors today are seeing dramatic increases in cases of oral gonorrhea and herpes.[1] According to the International Journal of Cancer, cases of oral HPV (human papilloma virus) are reaching “epidemic” levels, [2] and now HPV is the leading cause of throat cancer.[3] Other forms of head and neck cancer can also be caused by orally transmitted HPV.[4] Oral sex is anything but safe.

Some people resort to oral sex so that they do not lose their virginity. Although you do not technically lose your virginity by having oral sex, it still robs you of innocence and puts you in situations where you could easily lose your virginity. It does not relieve sexual tension in a man but creates it and reinforces in him the myth that he has sexual “needs” that must be met, even at the expense of a woman’s dignity and innocence. The bottom line is that you don’t need oral sex to keep from going all the way. You need courage and self-respect.