Wednesday, July 27, 2011

stay at home/work outside of the home/have some interesting combination of both?

Most of the time I perform and rehearse evenings and weekends. I'm really happy that I get to stay home during the day...as it greatly reduces the impact of my absence on my kids.

Your occupation: Mom/Homemaker & Musician

Tell us about it:

I'm a singer/songwriter/pianist...it's been my passion for as long as I've been on this planet. Creating music for a living probably isn't as glamorous as many might think. There is a ton of work involved on many levels - like any profession. What I can say is that between staying home to raise my family, and carrying a full time music schedule, I am living my dream. I also run a small record label called 5th Chakra Records. It was founded on the idea that musicians can work together to succeed as opposed to compete with one another. In my opinion, there's never a need to disempower someone else in order to get where you need to be. There is room at the top for everyone. :0)

Your occupation in a previous (before kids) life:

Hair stylist/colorist & Musician. (Most working musicians have had or do have day jobs...doing hair was my bread & butter for years).

Tell us about it:

I worked as a colorist for Matrix Essentials, and also worked in a few salons & spas. It's a great skill to have, and I still do hair for my family and a few friends.

Your education:

I joyfully studied Anthropology & Music at Umass Boston. It was a great experience but about half way through, I realized I wanted a skill to support myself. That's when I became a beauty school drop out and found myself at Blaine Hair School. I never looked back - for me, it was a great path to take.

How many kids do you have?

I have a hearty brood of 17. KIDDING!!! Actually, I have 3.

Tell us about them:

Anelise (10), Jasmine (9) and Aaron (6). They are all so different, and so wonderful. Sure, there are challenges, but being their mother has transformed me into a more loving and compassionate human being.

Do you wish you:

Stayed at home/worked outside of the home/could find some interesting combination of the two?

I think I have found exactly what I want for the time being.

Why?

I am reminded regularly, that I am good for more things than laundry. This, to me, is so helpful in keeping a positive state of mind.

Where did you meet most of your friends?

My closest friend, is from elementary school. It's like a sister relationship. I also spend time with a few close pals from my music circles. Plus, I have a couple of chums from the gym, and in my neighborhood. Overall, however, I am not hugely social. I value my alone time more than ever.

Do you feel that Mom friends are important?

Definitely! He help, support and validate each other. Plus, we all need to throttle back and just laugh together...it's such a stress reliever.

Are those friends primarily working or stay at home?

I guess mostly stay-home.

Now that you have answered those questions – why do you think that is?

I think that we, as moms, all know about the subtle tension that exists between 'employed' moms and the stay-at-homes. Everyone's trying to prove who works harder. It's just silly. Anyway, I think it's pretty simple if you subscribe to the law of attraction - like energies are simply drawn to each other.

What is the most hurtful thing another Mom has said or done to you?

A working mom-musician said to me "Well, I could perform as much as you do, but I have responsibilities"...It was purposefully insulting and obviously, I steer clear of this joyless individual.

Is there something that has been said in the media or by other Moms that makes you crazy?

Generally, I have a hard time when moms judge other moms. There are many ways to parent, and nobody is perfect.

What is the best part about your situation?

The time I'm able to spend with my kids. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

What is the worst part about your situation?

The amount of energy it takes just to get my ducks in a row so I can leave the house. It can get overwhelming.

If you could change one thing (but NOT how much money you have – most of us wish we had more money) what would it be?

I think more sleep would be far more valuable than more money! It's just so darn elusive sometimes! ;0)

Can you think of anything else that you would like for us to know about you or this subject?

I appreciate this opportunity to chat - thanks to anyone who took the time to read it. I'm just a regular gal doing the best I can. If you want to explore my music, many of my songs are inspired from parenthood. They are about being human. LoriDiamond.net has the full performance schedule and I've got my third CD coming out in just a couple of months. In any case, it has been my pleasure sharing with you today.

Do you stay at home/work outside of the home/have some interesting combination of both?:

Mostly I stay at home but I do work part time for my parents Insurance Agency. The job is out of my home and well I couldn't quit if I wanted because my mom needs my help.

Your occupation: Stay at home mom. In a previous life I was a Naval Flight Officer and then briefly a school teacher (Middle School Math, LOVE IT)

Tell us about it:

I absolutely love that I had Chloe (my one child) later on in life. I was able to have my cake and eat it too. I got to have a successful carreer in the Navy. I loved the job but I was ready to be done when my time was up. I do miss the Reserves (I got out after I had Chloe) and would like to go back but I don't see that happening. I just can't risk being deployed. I can't imagine missing a whole year of her life.

Your education: Bachelors from UCSB in Mathematics. Masters in Educations from Drexel.

How many kids do you have? 1 and 3 Steps

Tell us about them: The stepkids are older, like in their 20's older. Chloe my one biological child is amazing. I had no idea how awesome being a mom would be but I absolutely adore her. She is an outgoing kid and has a temperment like her father, meaning she is happy go lucky for the most part and is willing to roll with most situations. Her being so easy going makes it easy to take her places. So we travel with her a ton. She is just one awesome kid. Hey I am her mom, I can brag.

Do you wish you:

Stayed at home/worked outside of the home/could find some interesting combination of the two?

Oh there are times I wish I could still have a career (that didn't involve making meals, cleaning up and wiping booties) but for the most part I am extremely happy with my life and career path. At the end of the day I wouldn't trade any of the time I have with Chloe for a career.

Where did you meet most of your friends? Children activities or running

Do you feel that Mom friends are important? Absolutely

Are those friends primarily working or stay at home? Both

Now that you have answered those questions – why do you think that is?

Most of the moms I meet with younger kids I meet because we are taking out kids to activities at the times of day that I wouldn't meet a mom that worked outside of the home. And the moms I meet due to running are a mixed bag because I am meeting them for an interest that has nothing to do with the logistics of taking care of kids (well sort of).

What is the most hurtful thing another Mom has said or done to you.

What do you do with all of your time (I was a tad pissed at that question and had some good come backs but in the interest of being nice said nothing)

Is there something that has been said in the media or by other Moms that makes you crazy?

Actually the idea that one way of parenting is best drives me a bit nuts. We can all agree that it takes all types of people to make a successful world. Seems that that would entail diverse childhoods.

What is the best part about your situation? Love love love my family.

What is the worst part about your situation?

I spend a ton of time parenting solo due to my husbands job and that can get old plus it means I can't get a job outside the home because his schedule is nuts and we both don't want someone else taking care of Chloe.

If you could change one thing (but NOT how much money you have – most of us wish we had more money) what would it be? Dang, not sure.

Can you think of anything else that you would like for us to know about you or this subject?

Nahhhh, just interested to see what kind of responses you get. This is such a polarizing topic.

Friday, July 15, 2011

******** Project Mommaview will be back again tomorrow FYI with a great post from Tara at Mommy's a Runner *********

So I am a big believer in stories - I think that the only way that stories can really live on is if they are retold so each year on my children's birthdays - I like to tell their birth stories. It just so happens that today is such a day. (Well actually yesterday - I am running behind)

My Noodle was an easy pregnancy and I was very very excited that she was a girl and I was very very defensive about any "oh you didn't get your boy"cracks. She was meant to be and I knew it and I would not listen to a word edgewise.

We were getting closer and closer to her due date which was July 14th. I did teach until the end of the school year and then my oldest (then age 2) and I spent most of the day in our backyard pool. She was due on July 14th and she was looking like a good size baby so my good buddy Dr. (Insert OB's name here) said that we could induce on July 14th.

Mimi and Papa came over early to stay with my two year old and Husband and I got to the hospital nice and early. All seemed well, I had my epidural in and Husband and I were playing cards. Suddenly, I said, "hey I felt that" and then I said, "hey I REALLY felt that - ouch" and so on and so forth. We called the nurses, and called the doctor back in and the anesthesiologist.

The anesthesiologist normally worked in cardio and he sort of shrugged his shoulders (incidentally - never a good thing for a medical professional to do) and administered more medicine in my epidural. By now, I am in full labor and I am feeling EVERYTHING.

Finally, Husband finally has the presence of mind to lean me forward and look at my back and says, "ummm excuse me - her epidural fell out!" The last dose of medicine that he had given had just soaked my sheets and I had no epidural, was dilated to like a 7 I think and let me tell you - that hurt hurt hurt.

Now I know that some people are natural labor people - great - bully for you - I know myself and had planned on an epidural. Also what is interesting is that even after having a shaky epidural experience with my second - you betcha I had one with my third.:)

As a matter of fact, I have friends that can attest to the fact that in my childbirth class with first born - I nearly asphyxiated myself trying to do my breathing which lead me into my hysterical giggles that I get which then led to a little crying jag - all right in the middle of the class. Anyway - I digress - that is a story for her birth story.

The doctor comes back in and says that he wants to do another epidural - I am in a lot of pain at this point and say, "well sure". Man - sitting up in that bed holding on to Husband and the nurse (who buy the way was one of my Kindergarten students' Moms which was interesting) for dear life while he tried to put that thing back in was - well - tough.

So he gets it going, I lay back, Husband looks sort of haggard and two nurses are standing there chatting. I say to Husband, "Umm honey - I feel funny, I feel REALLY funny." He says, "don't tell me - I think we need to tell them"

My blood pressure (which tends to run pretty low normally) dropped dramatically and suddenly this swat team of nurses comes in, pushes Husband out of the way and there are literally like 6 of them all standing around my bed. I remember the blond one at the end looking at me and even though I was feeling so weird I remember my eyes getting bigger and her asking me what was wrong. I think I said that all of them were freaking me out by being in there and asked what was the matter. They basically told me that I had trouble with my epidural and they were going to have to turn it off and get my blood pressure back up.

When that crisis was over and the swat team went on to their next mission, Husband and I were left looking at each other, like "what's next?"

Next thing I know - KK's mom ( the nurse whose name I can't remember now but I remember the little boy) comes in and says it is time to push. Well I push not for very long ( and remember - no epidural anymore so I can really feel this) and she says, "ok - we have to stop and wait for Dr. Insert OB's name here.

I said, "oh no - I think you are doing great - let's just go ahead!!!" Well Dr. Insert OB's name here came in, said hello to Husband, says hello to the nurses, doing his doctor thing.

He grins at me, is putting some gloves on and goes to start putting his gowns and stuff on and looks down and says, "HEY!" He dropped what he was doing - looked at me and said something along the lines of the fact that they weren't kidding around - I really was ready ( I think I said - You Think????) - I pushed one or two more times and then - there she was.

8 pounds, 3 ounces 5:48 - little baby girl. I watched while they took her over to the little baby whatever and she stopped crying almost immediately. My first thought was uh oh and then I looked over and saw her little skinny arm reaching up for the lights. She was so quiet and they gave her to me and I don't think I let her go for a long time after that. She just looked at me like,

Friday, July 8, 2011

Let me start this one off by saying - I heart Kate (my friend who turned in the interview first) and I am so happy to have her be the first submission.

So without further ado - the first Mommaview!

The Mommaview

Created by Holly Oelkers

To be used for the blog http://iheartbowheads.blogspot.com

Email answers back to hollyo1@mac.com

Your name:

Kate G.

Your occupation:

Full time homemaker

Tell us about it:

I feel like anything I say about being a stay at home mom would be a cliché. Some days have really rewarding moments. Other days I fall into bed and know that maybe I wasn’t at my best, but we all lived and grew together another day and will hopefully wake up tomorrow with another chance.

Your occupation in a previous (before kids) life:

I have a part A and part B. Part A is that before kids, I was a full time marketing/PR person for the Dance & Theatre department at a state University and a contract Stage Manager at a downtown professional theatre. Part B is that since kids, I have also owned my own home business, and only recently have come to terms with letting it go.

Tell us about it:

I loved being in the Arts and using different parts of my personality from administration & organization to graphic design and creative marketing ideas, leading student employees, calling technical cues. It was a lot of hours, not a lot of pay, zero upward mobility, and will never be compatible with my being a parent, but I miss working with really smart and creative people and developing projects from start to finish.

I also loved what I learned from being an entrepreneur and working in a community of positive women, gaining personal and professional development, and becoming an expert in a new field. The money was good and it was nice to be able to bring some income into the household so that I didn’t have to justify every stop at Chick-fil-A to my husband. I had his full support, so the business was a great reason to be able to take occasional trips and regular nights out without the kids, and it showed me how much he believed in me. It made me feel successful as a person. Because the potential income was unlimited, it let us dream as a family and set big goals. Even though I’m not actively working it as a business anymore, many of those goals have come true in other ways, and I believe it was setting those intentions in the first place that let it happen. Never before did I think I would be able to afford to be a full time, permanent, stay at home mom, but now I am.

Your education:

Bachelor’s Degree in Arts Management.

How many kids do you have?

3, ages 2-6

Tell us about them:

My oldest is a boy, going into first grade, my middle is a girl, 4 ½, and she will go to part time preschool in the fall. My youngest is a 2 year old boy, and unlike his siblings before him, he will be attending 2 year old preschool. I’ve had toddlers for 6 years straight and momma needs a daytime break! My two oldest have areas of giftedness, which is a blessing, but presents additional parenting challenges.

Do you wish you:

I’m exactly where I feel like I should be. I do wish that I had what it takes to continue to be a home entrepreneur, but I’m glad I did it when I was younger and had more energy and fewer children. Now I want to focus on what I’m teaching and modeling for my kids and be a better mom and wife than I have been. I know that other women can handle more children and/or jobs in addition to their children, but I am at my max with three kids and a husband. Probably in over my head, to be honest. J

Where did you meet most of your friends?

I still have my two long distance besties from high school. The rest are a mix from all different points of my life, but I meet my “mom friends” at my kids’ preschool, church, MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and ECPTA (Early Childhood PTA.)

Do you feel that Mom friends are important?

YES!! Because if I didn’t know that what I/my kids were going through was “normal” then I would be really worried about every phase and mishap and “down” day.

Are those friends primarily working or stay at home?

SAH

Now that you have answered those questions – why do you think that is?

We can relate to each other and share stories.

What is the most hurtful thing another Mom has said or done to you.

I felt a lot of judgment about my choice to work a home business-- That I was imposing on people or that I had gotten sucked into a pyramid scheme. I grew to realize that they were either ignorant of the industry, had had a previous bad experience, or just had their own issues with being able to say, “Good for you, but no thank you/now’s not a good time for me.” It still hurt, especially things that were said behind my back. I’m still defensive, especially now that I’m not actively working it, because they weren’t right, I did love it and I’m still glad I did it.

Is there something that has been said in the media or by other Moms that makes you crazy?

I have personally found a huge difference between parenting one child, parenting two children, and parenting three children. So it drives me bonkers when someone with less children than me has specific “advice” for me on how to handle something. Unless I’ve sought it out.

What is the best part about your situation?

Being the “expert” on my own children. I don’t mean that I’m an expert parent. I mean that I know what they like, what they are up to, what triggers their fears or anger, and witness each new development. My husband will tell me a new word the baby just said, and I’ll smile, because he’s said it to me already. I like having the final say over what they are exposed to at this point in their little lives. Now as the oldest goes into public school, I know I will have less and less control over that.

What is the worst part about your situation?

I’m nervous as my husband’s job is beginning to require International travel, and I really depend on his in-person contributions to the family on the evenings and weekends. I love him being a present and really involved dad and I don’t want the lifestyle where the kids & I get used to him being gone. It’s also just plain tough to have a toddler, especially one on top of another, and now with other children that still need my attention. I wouldn’t change it, but I am looking forward to everyone being just a little older, a little more independent, and finally being done with diapers.

If you could change one thing (but NOT how much money you have – most of us wish we had more money) what would it be?

I grew up in a small private church school, even for high school. That particular scenario doesn’t exist for my children in this day & part of the country. If it were a problem that money alone could solve, I would find a way to make it happen, but it’s not an available option for my kids and so I’m taking it one year at a time, starting with public school for my oldest next year, and trusting that all will work out for their good.

Can you think of anything else that you would like for us to know about you or this subject?

Role of grandparents as full-time caregivers and/or co-parents? Not my situation, but something I see somewhat frequently and am curious about. Live-in grandparents, “childcare” at grandparents’ house and/or grandparents doing all the carpooling, etc. How that makes it easier or harder to go to work; if them in that role is a preference, a necessity, or something that just evolved. (Maybe that is a separate topic for another day, or it will organically surface within the above questions for those who have that situation.)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

You know - anyone that knows me knows that I am a pretty amicable gal. There is not a lot that gets me going on a soap box but I have been promising to go ahead and jump up on said soapbox on the blog for a while now so - here goes - soapbox number one.

The Working Mother VS Stay at Home Mom DEBATE

Anytime I hear something ridiculous on the Today show or in a magazine I refuse to look and then totally go ahead because hey - I am nothing if not a glutton for punishment. Did you know that if you google this subject 2,310,000 results pop up? I then did some more google searching of other things that could be "debated". I mean - if I can debate whether or not you should stay home or go to work I should be able to debate if you should be Catholic or Lutheran - right? I should also be able to debate whether you go to school to be a teacher or a scientist. I should really also be able to help you decide if your family should go organic or be vegetarians or gluten free - right? Cuz' that is a decision that the world at large should make for your family - right?

Why the H E Double Hockey Sticks not?

Oh because it is totally your business and only you can make decisions for what is right for your family and for you?

Um Yeah

I get it - we are people - we judge. I judge all the time (mostly in my head you know - I try for the kind outward appearance and all). I think to myself, "NEVER would I wear that" NEVER would I try that" oh THANK GOODNESS I am not her" MAN I wish I looked like that" "That girl has more cool in her pinky finger than I do in my entire body" "Some people should just not wear tube tops" ......

and so on and so forth

It doesn't mean it should be a NATIONAL debate.

It is not my business what you do with your life and your children and I think it is hilarious that some women feel that they can only be friends with working Moms or stay at home Moms.

That's it - I am drawing a line in the sand - from here on out - I will only be friends with architects - period.

Anyway - long story told in typical Holly fashion later - I am interested in Moms. I am interested in how they handle their lives. How do they balance their work and their home life and what do they REALLY think about other Moms.

That is why I made up a Mommaview. Just a way to highlight different Moms from different walks of life. I will email you the interview and you fill it out - send it back to me and I will publish it here.

I only have a couple of rules......

1. You have to be honest - really really honest. I am not out to cause drama but I do want to hear what you Moms really think.

2. I do not mind if you are looking for exposure - (which I might add - you are barking up the wrong tree at my little blog) but if you have a blog or a business or whatever that you would like to promote I will gladly post your button or link BUT your interview answers CANNOT be a blatant advertisement. I just won't use your interview.

3. You do not have to be a blogger or have a website or anything to participate. If you do have a blog and you would like to post that you have been featured you can feel free. I might even get Mimi to make us a button but like I said, please do not feel like because you do not have a place to post a button you should not participate. This blog wants you! Website or no. ;)

4. I am interested in you. I am interested in what you do and how you do it. I am interested in what you REALLY think about staying home and working. I am interested in your background, education, and experience. I am not interested in harsh words, political agendas, or ulterior motives of any kind.

5. Because I am a chatty sort of blogger and you never know what is going to come out of my mouth (or fingers in this case) It is quite possible I will add my own personal feedback or thoughts to what you say. I do promise that I will be my chatty nice self and not say things like, "well here is an interview with a lady that I totally disagree with and think is COMPLETELY messed up but let's publish it anyway just for grins." Doesn't work like that. The whole point is

NO JUDGEMENT - NO DEBATE - JUST HARD FACTS AND PERSONAL OPINIONS

If you are interested. Please email me at hollyo1@mac.com or leave a comment with your email address and I will send you the interview. Fill it out - send it back and I will let you know when you will be featured.