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straight from the therapist's mouth: boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses

5.02.2012

Remember how I broke up with my therapist? I do. I make bitter comments about it all the time to my friends! And they are supportive and understanding.

So I mentioned there was a particular session when our relationship totally fell apart. And it had to do with being single. And why I don't meet/date/converse with single, straight men-folk. I thought it might have to do with experiences I had as an adolescent or in college. I thought it might have to do with lack of experience. I thought it might have do with coming out of a conservative Christian subculture. Or it could even have to do with how I insecure I feel about my [list numerous things here that you don't need to have listed for you].

Well, according to my therapist, it was much more simple! And one of the things was my glasses. Literally. We were talking about me being single, and she said, VERBATIM: "Do you ever wear contacts?"

I think I took a second or two to process the question, because--hey! That's sort of a strange question for your therapist to ask! But I answered, "No, not really. Why?"

"Well, I just think you have such beautiful eyes, and it might be harder for people to see them with your glasses." Why, thank you Cosmo Therapist, I didn't realize my glasses were keeping me from all the sex! How easily you've cleared that up! You're so right, I think not wearing glasses is the key to me attracting a mate as well. Problem? SOLVED.

Even in that moment I knew to say, "You know, I've always felt someone could find me attractive with my glasses." She hastily agreed and then moved on to telling me the other incorrect style choices I was making (fodder for a different post!).

Some of you might be saying, "What's the big deal? It was just a suggestion! She said you have beautiful eyes!" The big deal is, IT WAS EFFING THERAPY. Call me old-fashioned (or up to date on current schools of sane thought) but your therapist is NOT the person who tells you that you should change things about your appearance--especially before even finding out if it's something you happen to LIKE--in order to attract or please someone else!

If I posted a picture of myself on some online forum and said, "Hey! What should I change about myself to be more attractive?" I would expect people to say, "Wear contacts!" because they are strangers. On the internet. Who don't care about me or my integrity or personal expression! My therapist, however, should have at least a mild interest in how I view myself and what I think makes me attractive. Ok, I'm getting off my bitter, hurting, insecure soapbox with a mighty middle finger to my ex-therapist, and stepping up on the face catwalk.

In defiance of this blow to my eye-wear choices, I bought two new pairs of glasses. That sounds expensive, doesn't it? It wasn't. One pair was from Zenni Optical and cost me about $10, and the other pair were free from coastal.com (an offer available for all 1st time customers).

First, here are my usual glasses that I really love (and the ones I was wearing in the therapy session):

And here's the new ones I got from Zenni Optical. I think they make me look like an owl because the lenses are SO big. But that's what so's great about them--I can't see so much more!:

And here are my new cat-eye glasses from coastal:

They are a softer color than my other glasses (the website listed them as orange pekoe), so they might match more outfits, hair colors, etc.

So there you have it:

So the story is, I like glasses. I like these glasses. And I'm going to keep wearing them until I don't like them anymore. Huzzah! With a few cheap purchases I easily triumphed over therapy I paid for that sucked what little positive spirit I had about how I look right out of me.

15 comments:

Holy cuh-rap! If anyone told me I'm single because I wear glasses I would have told them to fuck right off. (After staring at them, slack jawed, with an 'omg did you really just suggest that' look on my face.)

Seriously, that's unbelievable. And a therapist REALLY should know better.

Also, I think your glasses are totally adorable! I'm actually looking for a new pair and have heard good things about Coastal. :)

I have given up on women counselors. I'm sure there are some great ones out there, but I got similarly burned by the one I was seeing. One session, I was feeling really depressed because I had interviewed for a really great job and I hadn't gotten it, so I was feeling very disappointed and was near tears. As a result, I wasn't looking at her as I talked about it. After a minute, she bluntly asked me "Do you make eye contact during your job interviews?"

I was stunned, and not a little insulted. Do I make eye contact during job interviews? Why, yes, yes I do. Because I'm not 14, and I know how you need to present yourself to an employer. I wanted to yell at her "I am sitting here in your office being miserable and talking to the wall because I am depressed, you are my therapist, and this is supposed to be my safe place to behave this way. No, I don't act like this during a job interview! Generally, I have a smile plastered on my face all the time, and day to day I do what needs to be done to get along socially in this world, and I thought this was my one hour a week that I could go ahead and communicate in a way that feels authentic to my emotional state." I walked out of her office that day knowing that my counselor thought I was some sort of socially inept idiot who didn't even have the sense to try to make a good impression at an interview. And I stopped seeing her.

The next time I needed counseling, I went with a male therapist, and I was a lot happier. It felt like there was less judgement there. Have you ever considered seeing a man for counseling? I found it especially helpful as I worked through issues like "I'm not sure if I want to have children or not," which I think most female therapists can't hep having a strong bias about.

And the glasses thing is so funny, because if you could be a fly on the wall out here in New England, you would have heard me wistfully saying to my husband that I wished I had cool glasses that suited me the way that yours and KJ's suit you guys. I don't think I could pull off those great frames! It's bizarre to me that she would think that wearing glasses could detract from you in any way. When I look at those pictures, I see a really beautiful woman (even with the duckface!) and I wonder what on Earth she was thinking. I think you are well rid of her, though it's a shame because she did seem like a good touchstone for you during the time "50/50" came out. I'm really sorry- I know how hard it is to find someone you can really talk to, and then it takes so much time to give them your history so you can start working on the current issues. It's exhausting, and I am sure you didn't walk away from your time with her easily. ((hugs))

Linda, I second Jonathan's sentiments! I wish we could be friends 'in person' but you are such a wonderful blog friend it feels like we are. :)

I almost went to a male therapist but then chickened out. I think if I go back, I will for sure try a guy. I think this therapist got too chummy with me and crossed some serious lines. Like, "Hey! Girl talk!"

I'm so sorry about your experience--how UNBELIEVABLE! I would have been so pissed and hurt that she would assume something like that AND try to make you focus on what you could have done wrong! Ridiculous. Glad you got out too.

I googled "orange pekoe glasses" and found this. I got the "crystal shadow" ones from coastal and they are pretty subtle, so I'm thinking I may trade them for the color you got. They look great on you!

I’ve been wearing my glasses since high school, so that’s about 11 years ago. Back then, eyeglasses are so dull looking and boring that wearing one makes me look like a geek. Later, I came across GlassesShop.com and it offers different variety of shapes, colors and styles for different individuals with different styles. Now glasses become an accessory and a fashion must-have for me. I love this website and highly recommend it.