Thursday, July 10, 2008

My One and Only

From time to time, I write about the quest of the perfect sperm. I have gone through about seven donors over the past 1.5 years. Unlike most of you, when I first began this madness, I did not have the foresight to purchase more sperm viles than I needed for a given cycle.

And what that means is that by the time I picked myself up after a BFN and tried to re-purchase vials of my chosen sperm, I would often discover that my donor had retired or that his sperm had been sold out. Nadia and I have fallen in love with more profiles than we can count on one hand, but we never thought that it would take us over eight cycles to get pregnant, so we never stored any viles.

When you store vials, you have to purchase a certain number of vials and then pay for storage on top of that expense. Being the eternal optimist, I never thought that that kind of financial outlay would be necessary. I was wrong.

The selection process over this past year and a half has morphed over time. Originally, we were interested in finding someone who looked like Nadia and, believe it or not, someone who shared our values. We found the perfect guy, Mr. South American. Oh, we were so naive back then and so in love. We only purchased two viles and when I needed more, we found out that he retired.

Bummer! What a let down on top of a BFN.

After that, with each new cycle, it seemed as if we had to pick ourselves up and move on to a different donors, which was crazy making at times. You would think that we would learn our lesson, but given the fact that I see the glass as half full and given the fact that Nadia doesn't like to waste money, we've had to regroup and review new donor profiles on numerous occasions. I'm proud to say that all of the donors had one thing in common though, high sperm counts.

Even though I compromised many of what once were essential donor traits, there was one attribute that I insisted on having: a history of pregnancy. Nadia and I vacillated on the open and closed donor decision, race, height, and even donor IQ, but we both agreed that we needed someone with a positive track record. During this past year and a half, I've had South American social justice activists, African Americans guitar playing smokers, White engineers and construction workers, but during out last cycle, Nadia and I settled the One, an East Indian donor.

Having been through the egg drop drama six times before, we decided to stock up on this one. So he is the One, he could very well be the biological father of our child. We will use him for our upcoming IVF cycle.

It's a bit odd because neither one of us is East Indian but we feel that we will add an extra dimension to our family. Our child will definately be raised as both South American and Caribbean American by virtue of her parents but s/he will also have a biological connection to a culture we no nothing about. It's going to be quite an adventure.

8 comments:

I completely understand! Our ideal donor, who was 100% perfect and the sperm of our dreams, only had ONE IUI vial. He still has more in quarantine, but is out of the country for an unknown amount of time and therefore, is not available to retest. It is so frustating. Good luck with everything!

Our "one" is half-Korean, and we are both Caucasian. We've been through 4 donors and, in the end, opted for a donor of another race because I have a condition that made me less likely to get pregnant by a donor whose genetic make-up was similar to mine. Now we are 9 weeks pregnant. We know NOTHING about Korean culture. We will learn. It's exciting and scary at the same time.

We have had three frozen donors so far-- we really like this newest guy, so I am hoping that things work out with him. I am always tempted to stock up, but it just has not been financially possible for us as of yet. As we move further and further along this road, I find myself caring more and more about sperm count and reported pregnancies and less and less about all other things. I jokingly say that if there was an old hunchback with a great pregnancy record, I would probably pick him!

For the record, our newest donor is biracial and we are both caucasian. I figure at least the kid won't have to live in fear of a sunburn every time s/he steps out of the house!

we were lucky enough to choose a donor that is still active. although, i gets a little tense when i meet more and more people that are using him. we haven't purchased any vials in advance, but once we both conceive, we were going to consider it.

A donor who had produced pregnancies already was important to us too. Our donor had a son with his wife and also had produced two pregnancies via our bank. I can see why that would be something you wouldn't waver on.

There are so many things to factor in when picking a donor. Race imo is the last thing to fret over unless there is a particular illness associate with certain ethnic groups.I've even noticed lately that depending on the bank you use there is a shortage of certain races anyway.

It's always been my plan to pick a donor that was not of my race just for health reasons.

About Me

I am a thirty-something African American lesbian, queer, dyke with Caribbean roots in the hot pursuit of a pregnancy. I live with my partner, Nadia. About a year and a half ago the egg drop drama officially began. We had our very first visit with a reproductive endocrinologist, Dr. Feelgood. And now I am waiting a few months before I start my first IVF cycle.

What is the Egg Drop Post?

This blog is about a woman who fell deeply in love with a woman eight years ago. It's about a feminist who never believed in tradition. It's about a child of immigrants who never believed in the American Dream. And it's about a daughter who never wanted to be a mother.

The Egg Drop Post chronicles how dreams are conceived with blood, sweat, and tears through the sands of time. This is my story but it could be your story too. Like the eggs in an hourglass, these are the days of our lives...