Enter the mind of a suddenly single 40-something year old woman and mother as she navigates the world. Join her as she faces her fears, manages her emotions, juggles responsibilities and contemplates the dating scene. But more than anything else, she’s finding out who she is and what she’s capable of.

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Lessons From A Health Spa

The Easter
holidays are in full swing and I’m doing my best to resist the lure of the
chocolate eggs scattered throughout the house. It’s not easy but I’m powering
through. Actually, it’s not as tricky as I thought it would be due to my recent
spa retreat.

So, the kids
were away for a few days with their Dad and I couldn’t face being at home
without them, awaiting the arrival of the Easter Bunny. Instead, I decided to
treat myself and go to a health spa. If you don’t deserve a relaxing break when
your Decree Absolute finally arrives (see A Time For Macaroni Cheese) then when do
you?!

I packed up
my fitness magazines, meditation manual, gym gear, swimming costume, a couple
of books and I was good to go! I was looking forward to a rest for both body
and mind. Some relaxation, a modicum of exercise and a healthy serving of
nutritious food. Was it wrong to stop for a bacon roll on the way in
preparation for my stay?

I was
grateful for the carb-sugar boost actually as my relaxing spa break didn’t really
start well. Nowhere to park, the robe they gave me was way too small (lacking
in subtly, I felt), the consultant for my first appointment didn’t show up, one
of the treatments I’d pre-booked didn’t even exist (still not really sure how
that happened), the lamps in my room didn’t work and the over-bath shower
screen had to be propped open by wedging a face cloth underneath it. But apart
from that, it was lovely. I was trying to think calming thoughts.

Determined
to make the most of my time away I’d booked some treatments in advance, allowing
myself plenty of time for quiet relaxation as well as the pampering itself.
They even emailed me my schedule before I arrived! I know this idea may fill
some of you with dread but trust me, I am a much more relaxed person when I’m
organized.

My focus
over the last couple of years has been on survival. Getting through each day intact
whilst wading through piles of papers relating to separation, divorce,
financial planning, house sale, house purchase, utilities, secondary school
options, kids medical appointments etc.

I got bogged
down in the detail and forgot to stop. I spent so much time trying to achieve
an extensive fully ticked to-do list each day that I was missing out on the
bigger picture. I forgot to take care of myself and enjoy life. My weekend away
was truly enlightening and I discovered some really interesting things…

1. My Right
Side Is Wonky, My Left Will Follow Shortly

In an
attempt to ease the ache in my shoulders and neck I made an appointment with an
osteopath. The “discomfort” I had been suffering is not merely down to my age, as
I feared, but my appalling posture, which in turn had also caused what I had
previously suspected to be tennis elbow. Basically, if you’re feeling insecure
and curve your head and shoulders in or if you hunch over a laptop or i-device
for most of your day you are constantly engaging your upper back, shoulder and
neck muscles whilst disengaging your front pectorals. This leads to the former
hurting and the latter weakening. I think that’s right. So it’s time to stand
tall, lift my head up, put my shoulders back and stick my boobs out apparently.
I seem to recall writing similar advice about flirting although in a slightly
less overtly sexually aggressive manner (see Don’t Look Down).

2. I Am Overweight

This
information was not news to me. However, I had been trying my best to be at one
with my body, love myself and be happy in my own skin. The trouble is, I’m none
of those things. So I can either feel miserable about it every time I catch
sight of myself in the mirror or do something about it. As it’s my new policy
in life to be happy, I’m going with the latter… no more bacon rolls for me!

3. I Look
Better In Gym Clothes Than A Spa Robe

The spa robe
gave me a marshmallow like quality that I wasn’t altogether happy with. No
definition, no waist, just a blob. On the upside, I looked reasonably ok in my closer
fitting gym clothes. It’s all about wearing the right thing for you and your
body (see Who’s Up For Some Zhooshing). I vowed to wear my gym gear more often…
and exercise in it too!

4. I Can
Dance Like Darcey Bussell

Ok that’s a
stretch. I mean I took a dance exercise class called DDMix co-created by Darcey
Bussell. I loved it. I looked like a grinning beetroot by the end with an
endorphin overload that made my mind want more than my body could provide but I
WILL dance again!

5. I Want To
Run Away… And Come Back Again

Specifically,
I want to run 10k then go home with my medal and enjoy a relaxing bath. I’ve
done a couple of 5ks and always talked about maybe doing a 10k. So, why not?
Surely I can’t be too busy to get fit? If I combine my running with getting
outside and having fitness fun with the kids plus exercising the dog I’m
ticking three things off my list in one go. How efficient is that? It’s a
win-win-win!

6. I Need To
Buy A Bicycle

Why haven’t
I done it yet? The kids want to cycle in the lovely, safe, flat area where we
now live so I let them go out and watch the clock to make sure they’re back in
one piece at the appointed time. Err… I could go with them! I tell them I can’t
go because I haven’t got a bike. Err… I could buy a bike! The three of us, on
our bikes, with a picnic in my rucksack. What’s not to love? Except if it
rains. I have my limits.

7. Swimming
Is So Much Better Than Drowning

I mean that
literally and metaphorically. In literal terms, I love the quiet of swimming.
The muffled distant sound of people laughing around me. But, what I hear most
is my breathing, exhaling through my nose under the water before bobbing back
up for air. I’m in my own world. And that’s where the metaphorical swimming not
drowning comes in too. Sometimes, we just need to block out the noise of life
to concentrate on our own bodies and wellbeing…

8.
Meditation Calms

You don’t
need to wear a special robe, sit in an impossibly torturous lotus position or
chant words you have no translation for. Ten minutes a couple of times of day,
sitting straight-backed on a pillow on the floor, hands on knees or thighs,
just breathing. That’s it. Thoughts can come and go, but you always come back
to focusing on your breath, in and out. I’d forgotten how calm I felt after a
short session and oddly how much taller I feel. The more you do it, the easier
it gets.

9.
Mindfulness Rocks

Ruby Wax. Mindfulness
For The Frazzled. Read it now! Everybody! I’m working my way through the book
but I am mightily impressed by this woman so far. I’d previously written her off
as a loud mouthed, brash, American pain in the neck but I was so wrong. It’s
not just the Masters Degree she gained from Oxford that’s won me over. It’s
like she KNOWS ME! She even knows my first waking thought of each day! Anyway,
here’s the thing. We spend time and money planning our future - what to cook
for dinner, where to celebrate the kids’ birthdays, which holiday destination
to pick and so on. Yet all we do when we get to the thing we’ve planned for so
hard is worry about what’s happened in the recent past or plan for and panic
about what’s coming up next. We don’t savour our food, have fun at the kids’
parties or truly enjoy our holidays. We need to practise living in the moment.
I’m not exactly sure how to do it yet as I haven’t got to that chapter but I am
definitely going to keep reading.

10. Doing
Nothing Is Essential

Downtime is
crucial to rest, remember who we are, recall what we value, repair ourselves
physically and recharge ourselves mentally. I did a lot of nothing this
weekend. We spend so much of our time “doing” but we feel guilty for having a
lie in, sitting down before the ironing basket’s empty or enjoying the view
from a park bench mid dog walk. Doing nothing has a bad reputation, but I feel
so much better for it.

So, now the
kids and I are all back home together – running, cycling, swimming and eating more
healthily too, but still enjoying a sensible amount of chocolate! I feel
physically recharged, mentally rebooted and ready to enjoy my life again. Long
may this feeling continue!

But I
wouldn’t be in this frame of mind if I hadn’t stopped to do nothing for a
while. I wouldn’t have discovered points 1 to 9 if it wasn’t for number 10.

If you take just
one thing away from reading my ramblings today, let it be this. Find fifteen
minutes to do nothing. Sit in a quiet room with no distractions. Stand in the
garden looking up to the sky. Walk through the woods without your children or
dogs.

Just let
your mind wander wherever it wants to go. Allow yourself to be relaxed enough
for interests to surface rather than chores, solutions rather than problems, curiosity
rather than necessity, creativity rather than routine. You’ll be so much more
effective for it. And you might just find a bit of you that you thought you’d
lost…

Post a Comment

Search This Blog

Follow by Email

Where To Find Me

Single Plus Baggage

About Me

As I entered my 40s I thought I had it all. Supportive husband, great kids, lovely home, nice car, foreign holidays, a respectable wardrobe of clothes, the lot. And I was quite content. Not unrealistically ‘only in the movies’ type of happy, but I was ticking along nicely. Then my husband left and my world changed.

About Us

As I started to rebuild my life, I began noticing those around me whose husbands had left or died. As different as each of our circumstances are, we have several things in common. We are all starting over, later in life, trying to work out who we are, where we fit into the world and wondering if we’ll ever find love again. But, unlike when we were in our 20s, we’re doing all that whilst juggling homes, kids, pets, jobs and aging relatives not to mention riding the crazy emotional rollercoaster that losing your long-term partner hurls you onto. We are Single Plus Baggage.

My Blog

If this rings a bell with you, then let’s ride the rollercoaster together. I promise you’ll find company, empathy, reflection, inspiration, tips, a few smiles and on occasions I hope you’ll even laugh out loud, which I’m told by my kids should now be written as LOL… But I still text with full punctuation! Don’t make me do this alone ladies! Follow my blog and we’ll get through this together.