Do you know, I had to do a photoshoot once with a tiger and these two blokes turned up with an big, enormous chain [mimes holding a chain] and a tiger on the end of it. "Alan", they said, 'Er, shouldn't really handle them, er, after the age of ten months", so I said, "How old's that one?" He said, "Eleven months..."

Now, the rules are simple. Scoring is my business. Points are given and points are taken away. They are taken away for answers which are both obvious and wrong, and they're given not so much for being correct, as for being interesting. Their level of interestingness is impartially determined by a demographically selected customer-service focus consultancy, broken down by age and sex - i.e. me. Because there is no-one more broken down by age and sex.