I used to make fun of Hayden Panettiere’s midget body….not because I don’t like midgets…or short girls…but because she was broad shouldered and built like a hormonally stunted gymnast from behind the iron curtain….but then I found out from the internet that she was a child sex worker for her mom and dad and their sick friends…which made sense even if untrue….because that type of shit always happens amongst the rich and famous….but also because it would explain her stunted growth…kinda like how the abused chick gets her period at 9….you know…it fucks with kids at their core….especially when the hormones being stunted were being fed to her by her mother to delay her becoming a woman….so that her friends could get a few more years out of her….unless the story is a lie….

Hayden Panettiere has a fan base….lots of nerds thanks to her superhero show….along with those Hollywood execs who “taught her the ropes”…and they’ll be happy to see her happy in a bikini….a bikini that could be on any body and that I’d still look at trying to figure out a way to jerk off to….I’m a problem solver like that.

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Oh she’s only built like a gymnast. Â Those girls are flat chested and shit, but they make up for it in their limberness.

The downside to that is that a good gymnast doesn’t need a man, or anybody for that manner. Â She can lick herself, like my cat except a gymnast wouldn’t necessarily be doing it to clean urine off her fur.