How to meet men who are into BDSM and kinky creative sex?

I don't want a one night stand or a hook-up. I actually want to meet a guy who I can be in a relationship with that enjoys sex as much as I do as well as being freaky with it.Let's say I talk to guy A. And we have a sort of connection. How long until I know he's into bdsm or other stuff?The last thing I need is a vanilla guy. :S

Most Helpful Girls

Honestly, if I were in yr situation, I actually wouldn't WANT to know if a guy were "into BDSM" as some kind of general thing. I mean, this is different from person to person, but I think there's too much of a danger of... spoiling whatever the two of you do together.Like, let's say you were into some exotic rope torture thing, and then you found a guy who did that with you. OK, cool. But then, if you found out that he was "an experienced Dom" from "the scene" and that he'd also done it with 40 other partners... uhhh, yeah. If I were you, not only would that ruin the experience for me, but it would probably also ruin the attraction of the BDSM thing itself, by just making it into too much of a "commodity" and not enough of a special shared element of the relationship.

So... yeah, I think looking for someone who's "into BDSM" in general is overrated here.

The other thing is this: For a long-term thing, you are definitely putting too much emphasis on the "freaky" part, and not enough emphasis on the general sexual intensity between the two of you in general.I mean, even if you are into BDSM stuff that involves elaborate apparatus and equipment and things... for every 1 time you have that kind of sex, there will be 10 or 20 or 50 or 100 times that you just have normal, everyday, equipment-free sex.

So, the real key here is for THAT sex to be intense -- in other words, for the EVERYDAY sexual dynamic between you to be intense.

That kind of thing, I feel like you can judge pretty well just from the way the two of you communicate with each other.If you can really turn each other on with just words, or gestures, or tones of voice... then it's pretty much guaranteed that you'll be sexually compatible in most other ways, too.

And I mean REALLY turn each other on.If you are a hardcore submissive, for instance, then any boy who can really get you going with words WILL have some dominance going on in those words... and any boy who can really get you going with his voice WILL have some dominance going on in that voice. And so on. That's what I mean by sexual compatibility. If you can turn each other on just through communication, it's virtually guaranteed that you'll be on the same wavelength with other things.So... even if you have a boyfriend who isn't terribly experienced with the whole BDSM thing -- If you can get each other going, consistently, just through words and voices and flirting and communication, then

... you can rest assured that he's not going to be closed off to whatever possibilities you are thinking about exploring.

The last thing I want to mention here is that, ever since that God-awful 50 Shades book came out, there's just been... way too much emphasis on BDSM in general. People just think it's way more important than it is, as though it's something that's more important than fundamental compatibility of values and personality traits.It isn't.

going to be normal, loving, sex. It can still be REALLY intense, and there will probably still be hints of yr particular kinks thrown in there (especially if one of you is primarily submissive to the other -- that will come out to some extent, even during "vanilla" sex)... but, yeah, honestly, it's a BIG mistake to think that "freaky" sex plays more than a small role in a long-term relationship. And this is coming from a woman who was literally willing to tear her life apart to get her sexual needs met, before she met her man.

Short version:• Sexual compatibility is important.• That, you can establish through normal communication, and whether / how much you can turn each other on through words, voices, non-sexual communication in general, etc.• "Freaky" sex is MUCH less important.• Fantasies are a thing for a reason. If there's just That One Thing you fantasize about but that yr partner isn't into, it's not worth ruining yr entire relationship for.

Anonymous

+1 y

You can figure it out through his personality normally. If he's pushy and dominant he most likey enjoys it in bed too.

Most Helpful Guys

You are just going to have to bring it up yourself, preferably before you get too deeply into the relationship. Just ask him "What do you think about BDSM?" With porn so readily available, most guys your age will have a pretty solid opinion. Some guys will be thrilled that you brought it up, some will be spooked. It's fine if you scare some guys off, you don't want to be with those guys anyway.

What Girls & Guys Said

Honestly it all depends on the guy. I have a friend who shared that stuff with me and WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. XD She was just one day like "You know I really like it when I get to call my boyfriend daddy and shit" I was just like "WTF XD THAT'S GREAT ANYTHING ELSE YA WANNA SHARE AND SCAR ME WITH? XD"

Lots of conversations, and as you get to know him, bring up more interesting topics and see how he reacts.Your better bet is to get involved in the BDSM scene and meet people that think like you do. Still, you will have to vet out the ones that like what you like. I have a lot of kinkyness and need to find a gal that is into what I like, which will be hard to do, but she is out there... somewhere.

Who knows. Most of us won't admit we are into BDSM and are sadists. I won't admit it to a girl, will trow it around as a potential thing to try. Then again I never had BDSM fun, not that my head is a twisted places. But I will admit I am a sadist, to a limited extend truth. I don't get kicks from everything. For example if I see someone hurt animals I will step in, kind of treat animals with more love and care then people.

@This_is_my_username Hey now, where'd you come from, dearheart! You know I keep plenty of chocolate, including Hershey bars on-hand, and you are always welcome to them (some of them!) - we could just hang-out and eat chocolate until we're both sick, or...*looking at question title* whatever else you seem to have in mind! I'll take care of the candy... no worries there! ;)

I wold find it hard to corrupt such a sweet and delightful young woman (BUT I'm here for you, of course, should you need/desire me to be!)