Opinions, enthusiasms, staircase wit.

January 28, 2006

bush, abramoff, relevance

Thursday morning, I had the fortune (misfortune?) to catch ten minutes of the President's press conference. With the sound on and everything! I don't usually mind watching the president on television, but there's always this moment where you realize that this motherfucker is the President of the motherfucking UnitedStates of America. Is no good, that feeling; it is why we drink.

I caught the portion of the "presser" where the little fella spoke of how guilty-pleading GOP lobbyist Jack Abramoff may be in some pitchers, see, but that don't mean they're friends. You know, he takes a lot of pitchers, thousands, and he ain't friends with all those people, now, is he? It was a very low moment in prevarication. It did not even rise to, "I did not have relations with that lobbyist."

The idea that the president would distance himself is a no-brainer, and there's nothing dishonorable about that. (Unless you want to talk about the bonds of friendship cast aside, but that's a whole nuther.) However, the idea that anyone, even very gullible children, would buy for a second that leading GOP bag man, K Street Project kahuna and Bush transition team member Jack Abramoff had no ties to the president he so tirelessly broke laws for is a very implausible idea indeed.

Unfortunately, the president baldly lying on national television on a workday morning did not so much catch the public's eye. I say this only because I noticed no pitchforks or torches Thursday afternoon. But the link between Bush and Abramoff is a fair target and should accordingly be cracking the precious newspaper real estate above the fold someday. TPM
explains why. Even if the "photos are not relevant" argument seems a little like protesting too much, what it does accomplish is change the question. The question is not, "Are the photos you're hiding relevant?" or even, "Why are you hiding the photographs?" -- the question is, "Were the crimes of Jack Abramoff, and the greater crimes of the K Street slush fund, committed at your request, or merely with your knowledge?"

Whatevers. Yeah, Ma and Pa Kettle aren't so outraged just yet, which can be frustrating, but I suspect that rank and file citizens weren't all that up in arms about Richard Nixon in the early 70s up until the writing on the wall became self-evident -- popular opinion I think is something determined in hindsight and in media res. And look at Nixon now, down in hell, with the eternal flames and the Best Week Ever.

So for all us fucktards who care, it's once again into the breach time.

Luckily, something good did come from the press conference. I finally figured out what that thing is called that the President does after he "cracks a joke", that thing that reminds one of human laughter. It's called "sniggering".

January 27, 2006

the moral high ground... and how to get it

I can't wait to see all the Fighting Keyboardists get mad at our old friend, the Yahoo! Container of Headlines:

• U.S. seizes suspected Iraqi insurgents' wives

The Bush Administration, winning those hearts and minds one heart and one mind at a time.

It's getting easier to imagine how these insurgents could start to picture themselves as Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western. I guess as long as the U.S. refrains from shooting the insurgents' dogs, we'll all be OK.

the millionth million little pieces joke

I note with minimal comment the public tarring and feathering of James Frey. Hopefully you can find a link to it without trying too hard. I think it's comforting for us media elite to have our own Natalie Holloway moment we can all warm our hands too.

However, now that Oprah has tasted human flesh, let's all say a little prayer for the good people of the Chicagoland area.

January 24, 2006

mallard fillmore

Real quick before I run out for a day or two. In the interest of my long-held contention that conservative comic strips don't suck because they're conservative but rather because they're unfunny -- please have some hot parody action.

January 23, 2006

pittsburgh steelers

I'd like to shout out to the Pittsburgh Steelers. I'd even like to holla, if you weel, to the Iron Curtain, who showed you! All! Especially all you non-football fans, who were probably doing something productive yesterday like going to church or feeding and clothing your children instead of watching the Game of the Championship of the American Football Conference, where Steelers coach Bill Cowher decided that smart guys have more fun. Now is time for brushing up on spelling, and remember that "Roethlisberger" is spelled just like it sounds, if you translate it into German and then Bantu and then back again.

Incidentally, if you actually do enjoy following "the sports", let me recommend Deadspin, which, though sadly part of the Gawker empire which owns increasing portions of your brain, is funny like you remember ESPN being funny.

Remember: the travails of over-achieving small market professional sports teams are not dissimilar to your own personal travails, so have some rejoicing, please.