debasements

Robert Gibbs Resigning, Becoming Part of Professional Left

We did it, you guys! We defeated Robert Gibbs with our restless coverage of his LEGO-based terrorism when there was nothing else to write about last week! Yes, Mr. Robert Lane Gibbs, famed White House press secretary, is leaving the White House forever, to go work in an actual building like an actual professional member of the left, instead of working in the back of some guy’s house as a favor, which is what he has been doing for the past couple years. But don’t worry! He will “defend Mr. Obama on television—and will expand his presence on Twitter and other Internet platforms.” PROFESSIONAL LEFT! PROFESSIONAL LEFT! PROFESSIONAL LEFT!

He said he has no intention of establishing a political consulting or lobbying business, but he intends to work [as an advisor to Obama] from the same downtown Washington office where David Plouffe has spent the last two years. Mr. Plouffe, who was Mr. Obama’s campaign manager, will move to the White House and work as a senior adviser to the president.

And to help pay rent, they will get a local college student as a roommate, who will alternately infuriate them by spilling beer on their laptops and getting rid of their desks for a place to store his surfboards and teach them an important lesson about having fun.

The leading potential replacements for press secretary include Jay Carney, a spokesman for Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., along with Bill Burton and Josh Earnest, who work as deputies to Mr. Gibbs. Other candidates also could be considered, an administration official said.

whpc: 'ms. poundstone why is president o'bama spending five billion dollars to travel to an asian summit with furreigners when he should make furreigners come to us america?'

pp: 'well, i don't really know anything about that but i DO know that, uh, the, uh – hold on a second i have to turn my microphone up – ok now i'm back and i DO know that fred rutherford was the dad on 'leave it to beaver' and rutherford is my cat who is hard to shop for.'

Wait- don't people leaving the federal government's payroll automatically step into high paying jobs at Monsanto/AEtna/Wall Street as a payment for their service?

finallyhappy

I left the Fed gov't and stepped into writing comments like this on Wonkette. I was offered a part time job in Lancaster, PA- I think this wonkette gig is a better idea.

BruceMajor

Actually if you work in DC in a business where you have clients who are political appointees from some medium sized town in the US who move here for their plumb book job, they will basically tell you they are taking the job as a spring board to a more lucrative lobbying or PR job.

Though it doesn't always work out for them.

Allmighty_Manos

"He will “defend Mr. Obama on television—and will expand his presence on Twitter and other Internet platforms.”

Uhhh, isn't that the press secretary's job?

JoeMamased

In two months he'll be blogging on Gawker.

elviouslyqueer

Two months? Hell, I give him two weeks, and it'll be repeated postings about Lindsey Graham on Fleshbot.

horsedreamer_1

Oh, the Calamity!

elviouslyqueer

Dammit, Intensedebate! Quit eating my comments!

Katydid

And giving away our passwords to the Chinese.

SecretMuslin

Watch out for your job Newell!!

BruceMajor

Maybe he'll be on Gawker. A giant tub of fish belly flesh at a nudist camp.

HempDogbane

Mr. Gibbs leaves, to be replaced by a guy with a Real-American name like Carney, Burton and Earnest.

You got some typos there. The names are Prince Regis, Set Anubis, Planter Vapors and Capri Chinos.

BruceMajor

The GOP does now have more diversity.

Ruhe

If they aren't considering Jim Harbaugh then the White House is the only organization in the country that isn't looking to hire that guy.

V572625694

Or the only place Harbaugh hasn't sent his résumé

WriteyWriterton

Can Mr. Harbaugh come back to Michigan? Pleeeezzz! We promise not to suck in bowl games against the real/pre-professional college conferences anymore (SEC/PAC10, 12, 47, whatever).

mavenmaven

Scarlett Johansson would totally take the job, just text her on the blackberry.

JoeMamased

And I would watch every goddam press briefing start to finish.

horsedreamer_1

I'd watch even if the briefings were just a cardboard cut-out of Scarlett, with a piece of clothing removed for each 2% spike in Obama's approval rating.

OneDollarJuana

Unemployment rate climbs … what? Umm, I was distracted.

twogoats

Scarlett clearly classier, but the Lindsay Lohan camp has a strong arument: she can match twitter twat with Palin. Johansson too literate.

SorosBot

Bush almost had a good idea in selecting a hot woman for press secretary, but ruined it because Perino was as much of a moron as him; Scarlett's actually smart and could do the job while making briefings worth watching, possibly while wearing the Black Widow outfit or a low-cut top with a… wait, I've lost my train of thought.

Requirements: 1) Has a pulse 2) Can work the twitter
Optional but desirable: Clinically advanced "Tourette's Syndrome".

GunTotingProgressive

So, Dick Cheney is disqualified on both counts?

undeterredbyreality

But he does have the optional but desirable trait. And that sneer.

freakishlywrong

I wonder if he'll be satisfied when he has Canadian healthcare and eliminates the pentagon? I mean, really, he should be drug tested.

iburl

Hmm, let me try and think like Obama for a minute….maybe one of the Harold and Kumar guys or a midwest Republican who seems nice and promises to have my back or Sanjay Gupta?

finallyhappy

The Kumar guy is back -he came back last month according to the WaPo. during his last time here, I saw him walking in Lafayette Square- I think I stared and said " hey, it's you". He didn't answer(he could have said "yes") and kept walking. A few months later, he was mugged on 14th street-guess he didn't answer someone else that time.

neiltheblaze

By Professional Left, you mean "Professional Slightly Right of the Realigned Post-Reagan Center", correct?

I think it would be wonderful if the next Press Secretary was required to wear a clown suit at every press briefing.

I vote for the Terror Threat Level Alert-bot Roomba as Gibbs replacement.

Schmannnity

Maybe he can get Chuck Todd to chug on over to namby pamby land.

Badonkadonkette

You can never go wrong with an inanimate carbon rod.

Extemporanus

Eraserhead?

SecretMuslin

Cheney?

Sue4466

"Josh Earnest"? That's like naming your kid "Sirius Kidding"

Extemporanus

Yahoo Serious is an Aussie moron.

hockeymom

I want Joe Biden to take the job.
For the laffs.

angryclownspawn

I'd kill to see him interacting with orange crybaby Boehner!

ChessieNefercat

Those jackwagons!

horsedreamer_1

In DC & looking for work: Donovan Mc Nabb.

But only make the hire if Eagles fans are given at least five seats in the press gallery.

hockeymom

I think Vick has a better shot at it.

JoeMamased

Vick has all the necessary experience: He can pass, scramble AND kill dogs.

undeterredbyreality

Just make sure Faux keeps their front row seat!

hagajim

"He said he has no intention of establishing a political consulting or lobbying business."

Then what exactly the fuck is he doing? Looks to me like he's doing political consulting for the President – and I'm sure he's now officially graduated to the professional left (from the amateur) where he was before. He'll be on Hardball anytime now….wait for it…

That would just be too awesome if every question from Chuck Todd was answered with "Looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on a mattress!"

I am thinking Lieberman would be ideal for the job of continuing to insult the folks that voted for President Obama.

BruceMajor

Are there still people who admit to having voted for Obama?

Rofl.

glamourdammerung

I see the Breitards are still cowardly trolling threads from multiple days back.

Being obnoxious just to be obnoxious is not a valid political stance. It is a sign of a deep personality defect.

BruceMajor

Ah it is so amusing that you people think you are smarter than Breitbart or Palin, when they have come from nowhere to wield influence and make your masters spend all their time responding to their tweets. While you sit in your cubicle shuffling papers.

And even more amusing that you think you are intellectual, when your ilk spends its time bleeting about Bush or Boehner while your every superstition was long ago refuted by Hayek and other thinkers you cannot fathom.

And you whine about someone being obnoxious to you before you go back to chortle at rape jokes by Letterman or Bernhard.

Please don't change. Keep it up. I can see 2012 through the empty holes in your skulls.

glamourdammerung

And yet, you managed to not bother to refute anything I stated.

I am not the one shitting all over old threads because I was told to.

SecretMuslin

Hopefully he can find someone a little more moderate. Moderation + triangulation + appeasement = Success!! What's Mike McCurry up to these days?

BruceMajor

If only they could get that internet censorship rule fully passed, Then the Bolsheviks could turn off the Menshevik's printing presses before they round them up and send them to the Gulag, like last time.

I wonder which side Wonker readers will be on on that forced icy march?

Jukesgrrl

How about Gov. Paterson? He needs a job and he's pretty funny when he's on Saturday Night Live.

BruceMajor

And he's more perceptive than most Obamanoids.

Negropolis

I'll call it right now: the new WHP will be former Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm, who has been coy and teasing as hell about her plans after her governorship, but has said that by mid-January she'll announce something.

She's been wanting to get to Obama administration in the worst way, but didn't want to pull a Palin and quick her job unless offered something huge (like the Supreme Court seats she was angling for any lost).

BruceMajor

You think Bill Clinton will be a supporter?

LakeAfflicted

MADRID

BruceMajor

Ah Washington! The town where failures like Bob Shrum get to fail again and again and then teach at Ivy League schools on how they failed; where failures (hey Al Gore!) like Donna Brazile get to pretend to be straight on "This Week" and discuss Gov. Perry's pulchritude and the panty perspiration it causes; and radicals and reformers like Hillary Rosen get to start lobbies like Business Forward and shake down people for papal indulgences for only $75,000 each.

So what I want to ask you assembled liberaltards is: now that there are these mass deaths of fish and birds in every state, with no explanation from the Obamanoids (perhaps the tykes forgot to child proof their chemical weapons back when they drove oil drilling off the shore into depths technology couldn't deal with?), do you peeps have nightmares where Jehovah washes your town away in a fire, for your sins of hypocrisy and corruption?

Maybe if you started performing human sacrifices with each other you could placate Him before he takes you all out?

BruceMajor

Well, if he just wants white people he could just go to any Leftover group from Media Matters, to MSNBC, to the Sierra Club, to NPR. They only hire white people.