Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly(I told you we would return to it) overall discusses this idea that we must be willing to experience vulnerable situations and BE vulnerable in order to live a little happier and succeed in life. Vulnerability leads to trusting relationships and overall greater gains despite any setbacks that may occur along the way.

Living in London I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter on minding the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Vulnerability and daring greatly come into play when we are willing to step out of our comfort zone in order to experience professional or personal growth.

WHO ARE YOU?

To mind the gap between who we are and who we want to be we must, first, figure out who we are. It's important to remember that you will never 100% know who you are. That's a myth we tell ourselves, but it's important to recognize your strengths and weaknesses and understand to some degree where you fit in in the world. We've all gone through that phase where we tried fitting into a mold that didn't fit us and, eventually, we learn that it is best to just be ourself. These experiences help us fit into our correct mold. I think we have to figure out who we aren't in order to figure out who we might be. This is not to say that we should try to change who we are. I'm simply saying that we must have a certain level of self-awareness so that we can 1) effectively network and market ourselves to potential employers and 2) steer our lives in the direction that WE choose and no one else.

This is a defining decade for us. Now don’t let that scare you. We all change and grow throughout life, but many of the decisions that we make throughout the next few years will shape who we become and the path our life takes.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?

By determining who we are now we can pave a path towards the person we want to become. We can make the decisions that will get us safely over the gap. This self-awareness will help you decide who you want to be throughout your life. The person you want to become. What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? What kind of parent do you want to be? What kind of lover? What kind of employee? Manager? These are things we must ask ourselves now, as young professionals.

MIND THE GAP BETWEEN

Minding the gap does not mean that we need to invent a new way to get to the other side. It simply means to be aware of where you are stepping. To make the decisions that will make us the happiest over the long haul of our life. At some point we have to start looking beyond Friday night. We must look at the effect of our decisions on our life as a WHOLE. As we enter our third decade we are no longer allowed to think of ourselves as invincible. We must realize that we are fragile, vulnerable creatures that require certain things in order to not only survive this life we are given, but live a full life as well. These necessities are the gap that must be minded. Will you mind the gap or simply stay on one side?

How do you work to understand yourself? What steps are you taking to become who you want to be?

Check out my post Good Enough to read about Brené's philosophy on our culture of scarcity.

My room here in Kingston is small. It is on the third floor so the windows are parallel with the roof, which basically means that they’re slanted. (They’re actually quite cool! The big one opens up instead of out and has stairs leading up to it. You can sit on the window seal and see for miles!). It is the only room in my flat that cannot fit a double bed and the “desk” is really just a chair in front of a high shelf.

When my roommates and I realized that one of the rooms was significantly larger than another we began the great debate of who was going to get which room. One girl is studying fashion design and, very fairly, pointed out that she will need room for her mannequin, sewing stuff, fabric, and space so she can spread out and work. As a business student my lack of supplies cannot argue with her abundance of them. After we all proclaimed that we needed any room BUT the smallest room I put my big girl britches on and claimed this oversized closet.

Over the past week I have been able to make it more homely and less sterile (The creme walls and light tan floors are only SLIGHTLY darker than a hospital white, the pictures make them look more yellow than they really are. Don't be fooled).

I have spent a few hours perched on the stairs under the window with Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly(which is fabulous may I add). In the very first chapter she discusses our “culture of scarcity.” We are taught that we are never enough, we never have enough, we can never do enough and this leads to a variety of problems. Couple this scarcity culture with some good ol' consumerism and we pile on the belongings and feelings of unworthiness like a fat kid at the toppings bar in SweetFrogs. We either give up all hope or, worse, become a perfectionist.

Brené explains that in order to live a more fulfilled life we must be content with “good enough.” We must recognize that not everyone is going to like us, and that we may not have the skills for a certain task. The happiest people are the ones who are content with a few imperfections. They do their best and when it is enough they set their boundaries and go about life. They do not obsess over every detail. They do not stare in their flatmates’ rooms with envy. As a perfectionist I find it INCREDIBLY hard to be content with “good enough.” There is ALWAYS something else that could have been done. Perfectionism only leads to stress and anxiety. As 20-somethings we must try to set these boundaries before they’re even laid. If we do this I think we’ll find happiness a little more quickly.

I have looked at my flatmates rooms and I have to say one thing with honest conviction. My room is just enough for me.

My friends will have to sleep on the couch when they visit from the States and I probably couldn’t have an early morning yoga session in here. But it fits all of the things that I brought over and theres even a little bit of room in the wardrobe for the booties I’ve been eyeing in town. I'm ready to travel this road of "enough" to become happier and my oversized closet is just enough for me. Will you take this road with me? I promise it'll be worth it.

I'm sure there will be more posts discussing Brené's book (This small blurb does not even BEGIN to describe her research); however, if you're interested in learning more about her and her work on vulnerability here on some great links: BlogTedTalkBook