The Story Behind This Article -- I wrote this
article to share the story of the healing I experienced through my
attendance at the North American conference of the Friends of
Bruno-Groening, last December (2006) in New York. As you will read,
I had a heart-opening, life-transforming healing -- a profound shift of
consciousness - which still affects me today, 7 months later. As my
heart was opened, I entered a place of Oneness that lasted for 5
months. In this state, many things became clear to me, that I had
previously only known intellectually. I got to see myself much more
clearly, and one of those insights that came quickly was the awareness of
how I -- my ego -- has spent many years fearing and avoiding
healing. That is the topic of this article. I felt it was most
important to share this discovery about myself with you. Maybe it
can help you to open to one or more of the many paths to healing which
surround us during this time of our lives.

How We Get Wounded And What It Does To Us

Our most damaging psychological and spiritual wounds take place at the
hands of our parents or the kids who tease us at school. We are pained by their mistreatment – their
lack of love and caring for us, their abuse, their neglect. To keep
from being hurt further, we disconnect from them. We become separate.

In
many ways we disconnect from life, the many forms of life that we actually
depend on to be nurtured and energized. We are no longer part of the
flow. We
become stagnant -- no longer refreshed and renewed.

When we disconnect from the flow – of energy, of information, of
love – we stop growing, stop healing, stop changing. There is nothing
new, and so we become old – older but not wiser. We become more and more
bitter and less and less sweet. As in nature, we lose the ability to get into and stay balanced.
We become imbalanced. We become subject to dis-ease. We become a breeding ground
for disease, which gains a foothold because our functioning is
compromised.

To quote a poet, when we are "not busy being born, we are busy dying."

The Challenge Of Accepting Healing

Since our wounding appears to be caused by other people,
it is hard to go to people for help. It is hard to trust. We are
essentially separate and only feel safe staying that way. Yet, as wounded
and often angry, hate filled, fearful, and negative people, we are in a
poor position to heal ourselves without help.

For healing to come to
us, we must be willing to accept something from the outside – a positive
source, a re-source -- a means to re-connect with the vast ocean of love
and light that exists, outside of our world, which is filled, instead,
with wounding, isolation, and fear of
connection.

So much of staying separate, suffering, and unhealed is the product of
our egos, which see survival as remaining separate. An ego defines itself
by being separate. In their insecurity, our egos cannot let go to become one
with The One. Instead, our egos doom us to be alone, lonely, and disconnected.

Our salvation and, in the beginning, our terror lies in connecting
with, being affected by and, ultimately, being healed by what is now outside
ourselves. The ego is afraid of change, of loss of control, of loss of
separation, of Oneness.

Our immature egos do not know their Individuality
in the Oneness. We do not know our Spiritual Selves. We -- our
egos -- fear the loss of our conventional, separate "selves"
-- the selves we sustain
through fear and anger and pushing away, rather than
through love and embracing.

If the ego realized that healing is true gaining of Self, rather
than a loss of "self," the ego would want healing. If the ego saw that
people are trustworthy and loving, it would run to embrace people and be
embraced.

I saw this in myself, in my own life – how I was afraid and wanted to remain safe,
separate, and, at the core, unhealed. And I have also seen how healing can
come from interaction with something or
someone outside myself. As our wounding does not take place in
isolation, neither does our healing. It takes place through connection.
We do not, possibly, cannot, heal alone.

There are so many paths to healing, ways of healing, levels of
healing. We are moved gradually and sometimes suddenly, to a return
to love, to connection, to life, to health, to wholeness.

An Earlier Experience Of Healing: I Asked For It!

I had a healing in 1990, which resulted in a quantum shift in my
consciousness. My whole life changed. "I" changed it. Not the
little "I," but somehow a bigger "I" emerged (Maybe
more like an "I am.") I found myself doing things that I had been
learning about for years. I took healing actions spontaneously that I had never
done before. Some part of me had, apparently, been taking notes for years
-- had been listening and knew what to do. Also, I was scared. My defenses were
down and my ability and desire to remain separate was compromised. I was ill with a
cancer at the time, even though I did not yet know it consciously.

I found out that I needed "exploratory surgery" on my
birthday, of all days. Just one "coincidence" of what was going
to be an unbelievable series of "coincidences" – one after
another -- series of events that made visible a usually invisible world
of divine love and grace and healing. It was clear to me at the time that what was happening
to me was not "normal," not usual. It revealed to me a world of hope
and good, not the fearful, separate, depressed, and hopeless world that I had
been living in for 25 years, since my father died, when I was 13.

Some part of me was collecting valuable information on healing for
years. The first action I took "spontaneously" was reaching out and asking
"Spirit" for help. I was desperate after months of being
ill with a condition that was not going away. After I found out I was
going for surgery, I chose to "meditate" while sitting in
a warm tub in my mother’s house in Florida.

I didn’t know
what to do. I felt like I didn’t know anything. I needed help! I
surrendered. I
asked for it. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I do remember
what happened.

I saw a light come into the room. I heard the words, "Do not be
afraid." I felt a peaceful feeling. Ever since that experience
happened, when I would think the words, "Do not be afraid," I
would feel the peaceful feeling. Something or someone had paid me a visit.
And it was good. Very good. I am still grateful for that experience.
Facing the fearful experiences to come, I had a resource that really made a
difference.

There is much, much more I could tell you about the healings that I
experienced at that time in my life, but for now I want to go back to
today’s topic: the existence of many paths to healing and our ego’s
resistance to them.

Receiving A Healing From "Bruno" In Spite Of
Myself

The ideas in this article come from an experience I had last weekend,
while attending the North American Conference of the Friends of Bruno-Groening.
Bruno-Groening (Bruno-Groening.Org) was a spiritual healer who lived in
Germany. He died in 1959. He and the healing communities that formed around him have
been associated with thousands of healings of even serious, long-term
disease. Six thousand German medical doctors have been busy verifying
these healings for many years.

I was introduced to Bruno-Groening a month ago in Nyack, New York. I
was drawn to it, impressed by it, but also "skeptical," wanting
to keep myself separate. I found some of the leadership off-putting. It
felt a bit like a cult: we have the answer – the only answer. Not
that that’s what they said, but it was how I heard what was said, so I
was turned off. Yet, I
took an audio CD and some printed material away with me, which attracted
me, which struck a chord in me -- enough so to ultimately get me to go to
the North American Conference. I had been invited by one of the German
doctors who had come to America to give some of the 180 introductory
lectures that were given in the US during the last month or so.

What I want to share is the healing I experienced by being at the
conference. The "healing" I will talk about was a shift in
my perception and relationship to the Bruno-Groening community.

I saw that people were drawn to the community through their desire for healing.
How obvious! They wanted to be part of the group and support the group
because they saw it as a potential source for their own healing.
Yet, I did not feel this way. I was new to this group. I did not
know this group -- the people in it.. I was uncomfortable.
Separate. And wanting to stay so.

I can say now. I can see now, that my wounded, fearful ego was
feeling threatened at the conference, with this group of people I did not
know, looking for an excuse to remain separate -- to not trust, to remain
alone, unhealed.

I became aware of what I was feeling and what I was doing --how I was keeping my
heart and keeping my love, out of my experience..

Needless to say, the separation and fear I felt were not new to
me. They were a product of my own wounds. My own "need"
to protect myself. My own fearful disconnect from a source of
healing and from an opportunity to heal.

How sad that I would do this in spite of the fact that I knew what
healing was and had experienced such profound healing in the past.
Yet, I should not be surprised because I was recently looking inside
myself at substantial wounds I still carried from
childhood that remained unhealed -- that I had neither chosen to heal, nor
was "forced" to heal by "necessity." Sometimes
our soul and the universe seems to conspire to insure that we heal an
issue in our lives. For some of us, that means we will only face
something when we absolutely have no other choice. This usually
isn't the easiest alternative. We often call such an event, a
"crisis."

Here I got to see the part of me that was choosing to "opt
out" of a strong possibility for change. My fearful ego was
misdirecting me toward "safety" -- the "safety" of
staying the same -- separate, alone, and unhealed.

My ego tried to make sure that my heart would miss what was really
important for me to see -- that this was a very effective approach to
healing that was changing many lives. It was important for me to see that this was a means for people to
have the kind of experience that I had "spontaneously" when I
had cancer. It made me see that this was a valid and valuable path
to healing, among a multitude of paths that have emerged on the planet at
this time. So many people seek "a healing" and seek to
find God, a path to God, and to understand themselves and their lives as
Spiritual Beings. So many paths back to the One.

The "bigger me" heard the stories of healing told by the loving
Friends of Bruno-Groening who shared their healing stories at the conference. My ego, my critical
mind, relaxed and my heart felt love. There was love and healing
there, and I want and need that love and healing. I came to appreciate and
be grateful for what was there, instead of being afraid.

Receiving The Healing And Help That Is Available

I wrote this article, not so much to recommend Bruno-Groening to you,
although I do so whole-heartedly, but to tell you, if not warn you about the
ego, which I now realize has kept me and possibly keeps you from receiving the
healing and help that is available.

Spiritually, the wounded ego is a small child, who does not yet know its
true nature. When we are defined by and identified with the fearful
"little" ego, we cannot trust that our perceptions will lead us
to the best decisions and actions. The fearful ego, which cannot
stand more fear, will do anything to avoid it now, no matter what the cost
later. The fearful self is fearfully focused in the fearful
moment. It cannot see the "big" picture. Its fear and
fear
of fear, keeps it blind to the truth, blind to love, and blind to the
possibility of healing.

Since, in the past, we have been hurt by "others" and fear
that "they" will hurt us again, we focus outside ourselves when
looking for potential sources of future hurt. At the same time, we
fail to appreciate the dangers we establish when our ego fearfully decides
that we will avoid anything that will make us feel "bad."
Yes, we can "control" our emotions by refusing to deal with
situations we cannot tolerate, but that changes nothing about the
situation or our ability to "deal with it." It just means
that the situation and the dangers that may be present go
un-addressed. Thus, we have been controlled by our fears, and the
opportunity to grow, solve problems, and improve the situation has been
lost.

What is another way to understand fear and the other strategies the ego
uses to "keep us safe?"

Instead of interpreting the experience of fear as meaning that we
should avoid what we fear, maybe feeling fear could remind us that we
are seeing the situation in an exaggerated, distorted manner. The
pessimism of the wounded ego can often do no better than project the worst
of the past on to the future -- seeing the worst, repeating endlessly.

Seeing With A Loving Heart

But we are capable of looking at a situation through our love -- by
connecting to it with a loving heart. If it is truly our intention
to heal our lives, developing our ability to consciously look at
situations, at problems, with love can make a big difference. A
world in which love is present, a world in which we are supported, is a
world of infinite possibilities -- world of shared purpose and
beauty.

Remaining conscious of our thinking can help us prevent ourselves from
being hijacked by a fearful, negative, control-hungry ego. The
danger the ego perceives is not the real danger. The real (greater) danger
lies in our isolation, not in our union. A house divided against itself
cannot stand. A body or body-mind divided becomes imbalanced, diseased. A
soul separated from God, from Good, from All That Is is weak and incomplete.
To choose to listen to fear is to choose to feel and be powerless.
It is our choice to be powerless, but it is a poor, unnecessary choice for
an unlimited soul to make.

Wake up to the ego. See its childish fears. See the "bad"
world it lives in -- its world of painful, limited illusion.

Do not believe – (the root of the word believe means: to be in love with) – the stories told by the ego.

Be led, instead, by the heart, going where it finds love. Love is a tip
off that the process of healing is happening. Healing leaves clues that
even the ego cannot deny.

Do not fear to take a step on the path of healing. Recognize that
feeling fear is a sign that you are at the threshold of the door to
healing.

Have the courage to act
in the face of fear. Healing will be your reward. Discover who you really
are beyond the illusion of fear.

Feel free to call or email me with any comments or questions about
this article. If you feel drawn to Bruno, you can contact the
organization through their website: Bruno-Groening.Org/english. If
you want help on your path to healing, I'd be honored to help you. I
have a professional healing and counseling practice in Ridgewood,
NJ.