#DatingTanai Ep. 1: Am I Worthy Enough?

It’s been only a few occasions where I have allowed you guys a peek into the portion of my life I call #DatingTanai. Since my divorce, I’ve dated some great men who ALL, for one reason or another, had commitment issues. *Major side eye*

Sidenote: This doesn’t include my Emirati friend in Abu Dhabi, Abdulla, who proposed to me after two tea/coffee dates. Clearly, commitment was not his issue at all. ( Read more about Abdulla and I in Essence)

Who knew that bringing up the word “girlfriend” in an attempt to possibly solidify a relationship would change the climate of the conversation. In each situation, I was battling internally with the justification of why being called a “girlfriend” was entirely overrated. Wasn’t it 2017? I was feeling like maybe I had been out of the dating game for so long that clearly, I missed some internal/silent memo in regards to commitment and titles.

After all, like one said, “mature couples don’t need titles”.

Or the other who suggested, “what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained! We know what we are.”

How about the guy who went biblical and said:

“The bible doesn’t acknowledge girlfriends, only the title of wife, so why be bothered. I plan on making someone my wife not just my girlfriend.”

Now that brother was deep for 2.5 seconds. He had me slow clapping in agreement. *Smirks*

I look back and wonder if I was so freaking desperate to find love that I was willing to smother my beliefs and true feelings for a superficial security. Here I stood, a strong and independent woman, comfortable with settling.

This should have been the first sign that something was wrong. That moment when I began to alter my feelings just to avoid conflict, should have put me on notice that “HE” wasn’t the one for me. The ONE for me would never have me re-evaluating how I truly felt nor my belief system.

Could you believe that although I was on the dating scene for four years, I had not one person feel I was worthy enough to be called their girlfriend? Well, except for Abdulla who spoke little English.

I can’t lie, emotionally I took a small hit internally.

Recently, all of that changed when I became a GIRLFRIEND! Holy crap! That’s right folks, someone saw my worth. He decided to not only acknowledge how important that title is to me, but also ensure that he was positioned and ready to truly date with a purpose. Want to know the kicker? I didn’t even have to ask him or initiate the “where is this going?” talk.

When he asked me to be his girlfriend, we had yet to physically meet. So this love story is hella crazy and I’ll try my best to catch you up.