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I'm ready to be done

My son turned two last month and I remember last year I was feeling like I was reaching the end of my nursing rope. I was still a little hesitant and I preferred that my son decided when he was done. My mother had told me that when my brothers started walking and getting more independent that they just weaned themselves. My son started walking at 9months and was an active little guy so I thought he would eventually loose interest in nursing. I kept nursing in the hopes that he would do just that before his 2nd birthday... No such luck
He's still nursing. A few months ago I started trying cut back on the number of times he nursed during the day. I don't think I've really made any progress though. My son nurses when he feels like it, he doesn't have any kind of "schedule" like when he was a baby and that's made it hard to gradually cut out one feeding at a time.
This probably hasn't helped any either but for a long time my son had a pacifier (he was jaundice when he was born and the only way we could keep him under the special blue light for any amount of time was if he used a pacifier, which just stuck after that ). I don't remember exactly how long ago he stopped using it but I eventually stopped replacing the ones he lost and then one day he lost the last one and it was gone. He did surprisingly well, BUT he started want to nurse more. And now the only way he'll fall asleep is if he's nursing. And he wakes up all the time (seriously worse than when he was an infant) because he "wants more". During the day he'll tell me that he wants to eat, which is what he calls nursing (if he wants other food/drink he uses the name, juice, water, cracker, etc). I try to distract him and offer other food and drink but it doesn't work and he just ends up screaming that he wants to eat! I feel like a horrible mom when he does that in public, like I'm depriving him If I'm not holding him he tries climbing up to get to me and will either put his hands up my shirt or pull the neck of my shirt down to try to expose my breasts.
I'm just tired, I want to be done nursing. How do I do it without traumatizing my son or feeling like a terrible mother?????

Re: I'm ready to be done

I'm sorry mama. You shouldn't feel like a terrible mother - look at how long you've nursed him on demand and feel proud of yourself.

I think you should decide on either night weaning first or day weaning first. I worked on night weaning first (well, my DH did it for me, really) and then day weaned. She nursed on demand all day and all night until 20 months and we gradually night weaned her over a three month period (could have gone faster if I wanted) and then day weaned over about a month from 24 to 25 months.

The day weaning was actually not that hard, which surprised me. She nursed all day long too, so I started out with chunks of time that she wouldn't be able to nurse during anymore. Like between breakfast and lunch for example. And I filled her with food as much as I could and kept her as active as possible.

Re: I'm ready to be done

With Joe, I did a lot of things that "encouraged" weaning but didn't completely night wean him or day wean him, if that makes sense. I just started declining to nurse if I wasn't feeling up to it, and tried to get him out and distract him more during those times. It didn't work every day, but it did work over the long run. For us, the night nursings were the last to go which was honestly fine by me, but I'm a working mom, so it's a little different because I wasn't nursing him all day every day. Anyway, just wanted to say, there are a lot of different ways to approach "setting some limits" and night-weaning is only one. My first goal was to eliminate "boredom nursing" which was usually during the day and really got on my nerves. But eliminating that meant I had to keep Joe entertained. Anyway, it didn't happen overnight, but over a couple months, but in the end, it did work.

Of course, now that he's weaned, I really miss nursing him! So it goes.

You can call me JoMo!

Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

Re: I'm ready to be done

I'm having the exact same issues! my son is 19 months old and i just feel... done. i feel bad about it because i know its good for him and i feel guilty for wanting to take it away. i never get a full nights sleep because we bedshare and he wakes up four and five times a night wanting more. during the day i feel like i cant get anything done he constantly wants his "ny-ny" even after a full meal. my husband can get him to sleep with out me but that doesnt stop him from waking up all night to get some. i dont know what more to do... please let me know what you find working for you!!!

Re: I'm ready to be done

We're at 20 months & still nursing. On occasion, I get generally frustrated, like going thru these forums looking for HELP & I'm trying to figure out all these abbreviations (DD, LO, DH-for example). But I digress. I am so ready to wean & wean gently. With LOVE. I am getting to the point where I feel like a cow! Literally! I gained 100 lbs. w 1 kid & had vegetarian diet. (I'm now vegan). My husband works long hours 4 days/week, so he's not available to help. On his days off, he's pretty much here to eat, shower & SLEEP. So, in summation, I'm ready to kindly stop nursing & I'm basically a single parent. I can't keep her preoccupied w other toys, activities, foods, drinks. Not alone. Not w/o caving into her wanting "babies" and pulling at my shirt & putting her head up my shirt. I'm frustrated just typing this! I haven't family or friends close by enough to help. I've been patiently nursing 20 months. I'm just.. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. I've really enjoyed the bonding. My sisters didn't nurse-they don't have the patience in my humble opinion. (I know not every mom can). I'm just beyond over it. I'm not finding any help. I'm a highly HIGHLY self conscious person and don't want her to be old enough to come right out & ask for it in a public setting. I would be beyond embarrassed & would avoid that place & those people for the rest of my life- that's how bad it is.
SO-- I need help! I need REAL solutions! And also, when she IS nursing she pinches the other nipple. I have tried toys, covering exposed nipple, etc. She will throw a fit when she can't & fights sleep. It pacifies her, but 14 months of it 4-8 times/day has just put me over the edge. I don't want her feeling that anxiety of weaning & push me away, or think that is what I'm doing to her.
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Re: I'm ready to be done

For both you and the PP I think where you START is by setting up boundaries. You don't work to go cold turkey. You work to cut out sessions and set up nursing boundaries with your child. Does your child have language yet? Because the 1st thing I did was set up a "we only do that at home" rule. So by somewhere between 18 months and 2 years we didn't nurse in public unless my son got hurt. When he would attempt to do it I would say "We only do that at home." So that became a boundary. And then I worked to get out of the house EVERYDAY. And then at home it was clear he was doing it out of boredom. Constantly trying to climb into my lap while I was on the computer. So then there was a manners thing that we set up. Where if he wanted to nurse and I was on the computer he had to come ask me to meet him at the couch. And I would say I will be there in 5 minutes and he would go wait for me on the couch. And then from there it became a "we only do it in bed" rule. So by that point he was only nursing to go to sleep and to wake up. To and from naps and bedtime and morning. At 20 months I would actually encourage you to BEGIN to set boundaries now. But I would also encourage you to let it be a process. You don't want to cut a 20 month old off cold turkey. You want to show them that nursing is a relationship between the two of you and that it needs to be enjoyable for you to want to do it. And by setting up boundaries and teaching your nursing partner to respect them, it can make the weaning process much less stressful for both of you.

Re: I'm ready to be done

I don't have the self confidence to nurse in public. As I stated, I am very, very body conscience. I'll get my nursing done before we go shopping or on visits to family. She's yet to come out & ask, I'm just nervous she will. If she is fussy on a family visit, I'll find a secluded room & barricade or lock the door. She does speak some & she does know 50 words in sign language. I'm not looking to cut her off cold turkey. I said gently & w love. I try to occupy her w other things & use nursing as a last resort option. I'm tired of feeling like a literal cow AND GETTING PINCHED!! Saying "ow!" or "that hurts mum" only worked w her biting at the beginning- when we started nursing.