[Scene: The streets of New New York. Pedestrians walk and vehicles move; a man is operating a stand selling sunglasses for $8. A storm begins to brew, and all pedestrians take off except for the owner of the sunglasses store, who simply changes the sign on his stand from "SUNGLASSES: $8" to "LASERBRELLAS: $8", then opens up a laserbrella. He is then swept away by a moving tornado. Immediately afterwards, the storm clears up and the reading on the sign changes back to "SUNGLASSES: $8". "$8" then moves up to "$9". Fry and Leela walk into the scene.]

Fry: Allow me, my lady. [Fry takes off his pants and places them over the puddle.] Shall we go a'trouserin'?

Leela: Fry, I appreciate the gallantry, but isn't this a bit much?

Fry: [dejectedly] You're right. I'm sorry for showing my love.

Leela: [sighs] Okay. Fine.

Fry: Here, take my hand!

[Fry lifts his hand up to Leela. Leela takes his hand and walks on Fry's pants over the puddle. She immediately falls through the puddle and screams. She resurfaces a few seconds later, entangled by a set of green tentacles. She is sucked back down.]

[Scene: The kitchen in the conference room of Planet Express headquarters. Leela, who is covered in tentacle marks, is frying the tentacles over a stove. She salts the tentacles. In the background, Zoidberg, Bender and Amy sit at the conference table. Fry, who is only wearing his underwear, walks in and clips his pants to a white rope. Professor Farnsworth then walks into the room.]

Farnsworth: It seems something ain't right in the magnetosphere, so I'm launching this high-altitude weather balloon to gather more data.

[The Professor pushes a button on a remote control, and the roof opens up. The weather balloon rises up in the air. Its string releases from a pipe, with Fry's pants still attached to it.]

Fry: My pants! My lucky pants!

[Fry chases after the balloon, but it is too late.]

Hermes: They don't look so lucky to me.

Fry: They are too! I was wearing them that time I found a dime in my ear! It was wearing them when I won a subscription to Redbook! And I was wearing them when I first met Leela, so, yeah, they're lucky!

Leela: Aw...also, oh, Lord.

Fry: Plus, they're my only pants.

Bender: You've worn the same pants for a thousand years? No wonder they made a run for it! [Bender laughs and gives himself a high-five.] Woo!

[Scene: The sky. The weather balloon flies away, with Fry's pants attached to it. The scene zooms out, revealing that the Planet Express ship is chasing after the balloon.]

[Cut to: Space. The balloon has just exited Earth's atmosphere, and the ship chases after it.]

Farnsworth: Soon your trousers will slip the surly bonds of Earth, and ascend to the heavens!

Fry: I'm gonna blast that balloon! [Fry pushes a button labelled "TO GUN TURRET".] No way will I let God get my pants! [Fry sits himself down on a seat, which then lifts him up to the gun turret.] Nobody messes with my pants. Not even the Holy One. Blessed be He. [Fry presses the buttons of the gun turret and shoots the balloon, causing it to explode. Fry's pants fall back down to Earth.]

[Scene: Earth. The pants fall back down to Earth in the New New York skies, and the ship follows them. The ship lands in a tree-covered area. Fry's pants have landed on the branch of a tree. Fry runs out of the ship to get them back. As he is about to get them, a hissing sound is heard, and Fry stops in his tracks. A badger is blocking his path.]

Hermes: Look out! A Central Park badger!

[Fry jumps up and attempts to grab his pants, but the badger jumps up as well and grabs the pants with its mouth. It falls on Fry's back and burrows down in a hole.]

Fry: I'll save you, pants! Scruffy, do you have any varmint grease?

Scruffy: What viscosity you need?

[Fry, covered in yellow grease, jumps in the hole. He falls into the hole underground, which is pitch-black. He lights a match, and discovers that the wall is covered in mysterious symbols.]

Fry: Woah, there's writing in here! [The flame from his match starts to ignite his body.] Also, this grease is flammable!

[Outside, the crew are waiting for Fry. Fire bursts from the hole. The scene cuts back to the underground, and a hand is seen spraying a white liquid. The camera zooms out, revealing that Scruffy is spraying Fry with a fire-extinguisher. Amy, who is holding a flashlight, and Zoidberg are looking at the symbols. Fry tries to get up, but Hermes falls on him.]

Farnsworth: Incredible! Who could have done this? The sewer mutants?

Leela: No, this isn't mutant language. We use a lot more profanity. [The sound of falling soil is heard, and Leela falls down.] Son of a bi–[bleep]!

[Hermes, Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Amy and Bender walk over to Leela. She is hanging on a branch, about to fall into a hole.]

Fry: Leela! Take my hand!

[Leela takes Fry's hand, but is unable to catch a firm grip because the hand is covered in grease.]

[Leela slips and falls into the hole. A loud thud is heard, and the scene cuts to black. An eye begins to open.]

Fry: Are you okay?

Leela: I–ow! My leg! It's broken! How'd you get down here?

Fry: We made a rope from my shirt and jacket. [Fry points to a rope made of red and white cloth.] And an expedition from my underpants! [Fry lifts up a pole with a pair of underpants attached to it, labelled "OPERATION CYCLOPS DOWN" and bearing the symbol of a hawk with a single eye.] I'll help you up. Here, take my hand.

[The flashlight reveals a giant pyramid, which has a giant circular object. Amy, Bender, Hermes, Professor Farnsworth, Scruffy, Zoidberg and Fry, who is not wearing a shirt and covered in an unknown substance.]

Zoidberg: A giant pyramid under New New York? What badger could have built this?

Farnsworth: And look at this intricately carved disk! It merits years of study. But how can we move such a fragile, precious–

[Cut to: The streets of New New York. People run away as Bender rolls the disk, destroying several cars in the process.]

Bender: Ancient history coming through! [Bender rolls the disk over the Falafel cart man and his cart, crushing him.]

[Scene: The Planet Express conference room. Amy, Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Scruffy, Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg, Bender and Leela, who is wearing crutches, are around the disk, which has been placed on the conference table. Amy and Professor Farnsworth are inspecting the disk with scanners. Behind the two is a computer.]

Farnsworth: Amazing! It appears to be some kind of extremely ancient calendar! Predating even the girls of Sumeria! Of course! It's a Mayan calendar! [The device's screen shows the disk with what appears to be the label "MAYAN CALENDAR".] No...wait! There's some dried-up old stew on the screen.

Scruffy: Sorry. I was eating a can of breakfast and looking at porn.

[Amy rubs off the stew, revealing that what appeared to be the word "MAYAN" is actually the word "MARTIAN".]

Amy: [gasps] Nothing! But it does say a great cataclysm will destroy the world in the year 3012! [Amy points to some symbols, and a drawing of a circle bursting to pieces.]

Bender: The world? That's where I live! Told you it'd say something about me!

Fry: So the world will end in 3012. Why does that year sound so familiar?

[In the background, the sky turns from blue to red.]

Farnsworth: Because that's the year that's this year! See?

[Farnsworth points toward the window, and the camera zooms into it.]

[Cut to: Outside the Planet Express headquarters. The sky is a reddish-orange, and multiple lightning storms are taking place.]

[Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. The crew gasp.]

Scruffy: [holding a spoon and a can labelled "PANCAKE STEW"] So, uh...are you all done with the computer?

[Scene: Outside the Planet Express headquarters. An infernal storm is taking place. A dramatic piece of music stops playing.]

[Cut to: The Planet Express conference room. Leela, Fry, Scruffy, Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg and Bender are standing around the calendar - which, like the conference table, is round. Leela is on crutches.]

Hermes: Is it just me - or is the world endin' more often these days?

Amy: The calendar predicts fires, earthquakes, sharksplosions... [Amy points at three different spots on the table.] Then, it just ends!

[Amy shrugs and puts her hands on her face. Farnsworth inserts a plug coming from the screen into the popped weather balloon's base.]

Farnsworth: Exactly as the weather balloon foretold! Before Fry blew his pants outta the sky, it detected the onset of a catastrophic sunspot cycle. [Farnsworth turns on the screen - which begins showing the sun. The camera zooms in on it. An alien-themed piece of music begins playing and a solar flare appears. The windows are broken by the solar flare and the crew scream.] It's starting! This is the end of the world!

[Farnsworth points up with his right hand.]

[Cut to: The streets of New New York. People are running and screaming. Hovercars are crashing. The camera pans up. A building and a billboard are displaying the words "WORLD ENDING". A man is on a rooftop and a woman and another man are looking out their windows. A man in an apron screams as he falls down. The rooftop man jumps and also screams and the woman jumps out her window and holds on to the edge. The superhero from The Beast with a Billion Backs flies by and the music stops playing.]

[The superhero flies away and the woman falls off. A man in a suit holding a suitcase runs around a corner while speaking gibberish, throws the suitcase away, runs into Nine - who is holding a sign reading "THE END IS NEAR" - and shakes Nine. Nine looks angry as the man resumes running.]

[Cut to: The White House. The roof is opened up, and the presidential spaceship is aimed towards the sky.]

[Cut to: Inside the presidential spaceship. Richard Nixon's head and a clone of the headless body of Agnew are seated. Agnew is pushing a button, attempting to start up the ship. Agnew grunts in frustration.]

Farnsworth: It's our moral duty to save as many lives as possible! [The ground starts to shake, and debris starts falling.] They had a chance! Let's go! [He seats himself next to Bender and fastens his seatbelt.]

Zapp: Mind if I appear! [Zapp appears, pointing a raygun at the crew.]

[Scene: Outside the White House. The camera pans down to a tube with an elevator underground that leads to an identical White House.]

[Scene: Inside the underground White House. The Planet Express crew walk in with their hands up as Zapp continues to point the gun at them.]

Nixon: The obvious destination is Mars. [The screen behind him turns on, showing a view of the Solar System. Nixon's robotic arm picks up a stick and points at Mars.] It's close, with lots of open space and no Woodward or Bernstein! That's a plus. [Behind him, the camera zooms into Mars and a path leading from Earth to Mars is traced.]

Amy: But we can only save thirty-thousand people! How do we choose who goes?

[Fry picks up the Contrabulous Choosematron and shakes him. Smitty and URL aim their guns at Fry.]

Leela: Fry. The box has spoken. Go to Mars.

Fry: [sadly] Okay. [He and Leela begin to walk away.] Will you at least keep this photo? [He pulls out a picture of him and Leela together at the Planet Express prom and gives it to Leela. He sniffles.] Remember how Bender dumped all that pig's blood on me?

Leela: [She gives back the picture to Fry.] You keep it. I'll remember you in here. [She puts her hand on her chest.]