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Photograph by: Thandi Fletcher
, Calgary Herald

For me it was a no brainer - full double mastectomy followed by immediate reconstruction with silicone implants (in Calgary). After reading this series of articles I realize I was lucky.

In October 2004, at age 41, I had a diagnosis of non-invasive cancer, a mastectomy and tissue expanders, and permanent implants by March 2005.

They do feel odd - like a sports bra you can never take off - but their firmness doesn't bother me. I've been able to go braless and wear strappy dresses, and I've even gone running braless with no discomfort.

I had the tattooing done, which didn't take that well, and the nipples I had reconstructed have pretty much disappeared. I also have very little sensation, which is typical; nerves get damaged during the mastectomy.

I've had two recurrences post-mastectomy and needed radiation the last time because it was invasive. The radiation caused my right breast to shrink and rise higher on my chest wall. It's not noticeable under clothes, and I wear the foam padding from a cheap bra inside my own bra to fill out the lower half.

I went to see my plastic surgeon this summer to see if there was anything he could do - there is, and I expected to get a phone call from his office with a surgery date but never did. I now understand why. I'm probably even lower on the priority list than women waiting for reconstruction in the first place.

It's a nuisance, though, not a tragedy.

I've had relationships since reconstruction and frankly, guys just don't care. I like my body and I take good care of it.

I think my surgeon did a great job with the reconstruction, and it's just a shame that radiation caused the capsule to shrink around the implant.

I don't regret any of the decisions I've had to make around cancer treatment and recovery, and I know that cancer and its aftermath will always be part of my life in one way or another.

I absolutely think that all women should have the option of choosing reconstruction, and have it available in a timely way. Not all will choose it. Either way, if you've got the strength to get through cancer treatments you've got the strength to accept the changes to your body that inevitably result. It doesn't change who you are, and if people have trouble with your choices they're simply not worth having in your life. (That's another thing cancer teaches you - who loves and respects you and who doesn't. I lost a couple of "friends" - and good riddance).

I really appreciated the comments from Janet and Patti. I also went through the program at the Breast Cancer Supportive Care Foundation and I don't know how women get through a breast cancer experience without these amazing people and wonderful, wonderful program.

I also deeply respect Patti's choice not to have reconstruction and to accept her body as is. Life bestows scars, both mental and physical. They shape who we are, and we are forever changing and becoming something else. Cancer is part of that dynamic for me, it's part of who I am, but not all of who I am.

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