Now we are about to leap into the perverse. What can I say? This is a weird one. For Your Height Only is a one joke Philipino spy film, which stars the diminutive Weng Weng as Agent Double ‘O’. You see Weng Weng is a two-foot nine inch tall midget. And he does spy stuff, just like James Bond. That’s the joke.

I found it really difficult to review this film. There may be a plot, but it’s not really important. The usual stuff, about a Professor being kidnapped. In fact, most of the sequences don’t link very well. It’s always one of two scenarios. Either Agent Double ‘O’ sneaks into one of the villain’s warehouses and beats everybody up, or the bad guys see Double ‘O’ in the street and chase him. Weng Weng is so short he hides in a shrub, or a drain, and then waits for the goons to run past. Then he jumps out and beats the crap out of them.

Adding to the surreal experience is the atrocious dubbing into English. The dialogue is so bad, that it is funny. I think it is deliberate, but I can’t be sure.

The music mimics the Bond sound (in an eighties synthesizer kind of way) and falls just short of a lawsuit. No credit is listed for the music. And don’t quote me on this, but it sounds very similar to the Bond sound used in From Beijing With Love. I would be at all surprised if it came from the same source.

I must admit, for the first twenty minutes, I was howling with laughter. It is really silly, and the sight gags are pretty amusing. But then it just starts to repeat itself. How many times can you watch a midget punch or kick the baddies in the goolies.

There is not much point criticising this film. If you are drawn to watch a Philipino Bond ripoff starring a three-foot-tall midget, then I guess you know what you’re in for. It’s not the type of film that you’d accidentally pick up.

Weng Weng would return as Agent Double 00 (or Agent 3 1/2) in The Impossible Kid in 1982 and for the Western/Spy hybrid D’Wild Wild Weng 1982 (unconfirmed if it’s the same character).

Action: Pulse Pounding Tales – Vol 1. Think back to the days when heroes were heroes and the action was furious and full-blooded. Writing as James Hopwood, David contributed ‘Cutter’s Law’.

Crime Factory: LEE – Lee Marvin: one of the most coolly charismatic and extraordinary screen tough guys ever. Crime Factory celebrates Marvin’s life by making him the star of his own fictional adventures. As James Hopwood ‘1963: Trust’.

Crime Factory 11 (as James Hopwood ‘Hail, the Haymaker Kid’ – a look at the boxing pulps of the 40s and 50s)

Crime Factory 13 (as james Hopwood ‘As Long as the Paperwork’s Clean’ – an interview with Australian cinema icon, Roger Ward)

The LIBRIO Defection – Introducing Jarvis Love, in a white knuckle action adventure which harks back to the great spy novels of the ’60s and ’70s, but infused with the high-octane punch of a modern thriller.

Bushwhacked – A fight fiction short, set on the Central Victorian Goldfields.

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