What's On Tap at the Bitter Break-Up Brewery

Our glasses are full and our hearts are empty.

Established in 2017 in the wake of a disastrous divorce and its associated life-ruining legal proceedings, The Bitter Break-Up Brewery takes the American craft brewing experience to new, unprecedented lows. Our concept is unique: to serve top quality beer in a safe, inclusive, and fun n’ games-free environment where our customers’ feelings of relentless negativity and overwhelming defeat are not only welcomed but nourished, because who are we kidding? Those feelings aren’t going to go anywhere else anytime soon.

So stop in alone, grab a seat away from the other individuals who have also arrived unaccompanied, and enjoy one of our many fresh beers while brooding in our downtrodden, light-industrial space and listening to a playlist that features an abnormally high incidence of George Thorogood songs.

Here’s what we have currently on tap:

Adultery Amber Ale Full-bodied and deceptively sweet, just like your cheating ex, our Adultery Amber Ale provides a well-balanced finish to contrast with the shame and despair of being publicly cuckolded. ABV 4.2%.

Alimony Pay Day Pale Ale A lightly hopped, immensely sippable pale ale that pairs well with a variety of foods and the resentment of being forced to support your ex for as long as the state decrees. The Alimony Pay Day Pale Ale also costs twice as much as any other beer on the list, just to help you feel the pinch even more. ABV 6.1%.

Blind-Sided Blonde Ale Like a sudden and completely unexpected break-up, the Blind-Sided Blonde’s uncommonly high ABV hits you from out of nowhere, reminding you that sometimes you just never see it coming and that you can never really trust the opposite sex. ABV 7.3%.

Clash Over Custody Kolsch Just as the kolsch style straddles the line between ale and lager, the decision for custody straddles the harmonious upbringing of your children. But unlike the kolsch, the divorce and subsequent court ruling will tear your family apart rather than happily uniting it in the form of an easy-drinking, light beer with a crisp finish. ABV 4.3%.

Husband from Helles Habanero Lager Appropriately inspired by the German variety of lagers for his controlling, Nazi-like behavior, we’ve gone the extra mile and added habanero to the brewing process to impart the heat of that devil’s impossible-to-please hellfire itself. ABV 4.5%.

Legal Battle Brown This is a sweet, malty beer brewed for going the distance, because we all know it’s going to be a very long and very bumpy road before the court hands down its decision ruling against you. ABV 4.6%.

Lost Assets IPA The extreme hops and bitterness of our Lost Assets IPA will shock your taste buds, just like the losing verdict in the protracted court proceedings shocked your bank account. This one isn’t for the weak of heart or the weak of fortitude. ABV 11.3%.

Moving Out Milk Stout You lost the house, and just like that sad fact, this one is plain and simple. Malty, smooth, and served in a pint glass that you can’t keep even though you’re the one who paid for it. ABV 5.4%.

Petty Fight Pilsner Remember that ridiculous yelling match that you two got into in the parking lot of the grocery store after the old disagreement about whose responsibility it is to feed the fish and clean out its tank resurfaced? Of course you do, and after a few pints of our Petty Fight Pilsner, you’ll remember it even more vividly. ABV. 4.6%.

Restraining Order Red Ale Inspired by the classic Irish beer style and brewed with a special nod towards the infamous Irish temper, the malty notes of caramel and toffy balanced with the light hoppy bitterness of our Restraining Order Red will help you build up the liquid courage that you’ll need in order to do something confrontational that you’ll almost certainly regret later. ABV 5.1%.

Solemn Solitude Sour Meant to make you pucker, which you already do anyway when thinking about your break-up, with an aftertaste just as tart as everything you once liked about your former significant other. ABV 3.9%.

Worthless Wife Wheat Ale Unfiltered and cloudy, just like the incessant babble and half-baked thoughts of that mistake of a woman you married, our Worthless Wife Wheat Ale brings newfound clarity to the regret of ever having asked her out in the first place. ABV 4.8%.

Currently on Cask: Our current cask offering is the Dead Beat, a classic dark ale, cask-conditioned, and served at room temperature. The lack of additional carbonation that results from the cask-conditioning process allows us to brew the Dead Beat to specific, exacting standards that create its distinctive, lackluster body profile. Much flatter and warmer than your typical keg beer, the Dead Beat is the ideal brew for those solitary drinkers whose bitter break-ups reached their forsaken and hopeless conclusions long, long ago.