MAYBE DAILY NEWS NETWORK

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24 November 2005

BHUTAN REVEALS STARTLING REVELATIONS ABOUT WMDs

THIMPU BHUTAN - In a nationally televised news conference, King Jigme Singye Wangchuck, citing from a recent report he had received from Mousead, the Bhutanese Intelligence Agency, claims that Bhutan has evidence that the United States has Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs). “This startling and alarming revelation has profound national security ramifications for Bhutan and the rest of the world”, King Wangchuck said. According to King Wangchuck, the Mousead report also claims that there is evidence of a link between the US Administration and the Christian terrorist group, Al Chaini., Al Chaini’s leader, Opata dung Robertson, who recently threatened several towns and cities in the US with eternal damnation, is reputed to have strong personal ties with President Bush and members of his administration. dung Robertson was also a former business partner of the president’s father, George H. Bush.King Wangchuck went on to say that there was also compelling information to suggest that North Korea was providing nuclear technology, including the development and building of nuclear weapons, to the US. The King claims that the Bhutanese navy intercepted a merchant vessel headed to San Diego which contained at least two kilograms of enriched uranium, enough to blow up Tijuana said the King.In the Q&A session following the King’s address, Bhutan’s Defense Minister, Dano Pundait, a former Buddhist monk and cab driver, was asked what Bhutan would do with this information? Mr. Pundait replied that Bhutan would refer the complete, unabridged report to the UN Security Council where he expected the Council to pass a resolution calling for the US to acknowledge that it has WMDs and to dispose of them quickly. When a Reuters News reporter pointed out that the US was a member of the Security Council and that it also had a veto, Mr. Pundait said that he was unaware of this but not surprised and that, if true, Bhutan would have to consider other options. Asked what these options might be, Mr. Pundait replied that Bhutan was prepared to act unilaterally if it had to although it would prefer to organize a coalition of Non-Aligned Countries that was prepared to use "…whatever means were necessary to find and destroy the WMDS."An MSNBC reporter asked Mr. Pundait why no WMDs have ever been found on US soil? Mr. Pundait replied, “ The Americans are a resourceful and very sneaky people. We believe that they have built several ships that actually sail under the sea and that these ships may be carrying the WMDs. Either that or they have hidden the WMDs inside their huge cinemas where its too dark for anyone to notice them.”After the news conference was aired live on CNN, White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, issued a terse statement to the media -"The US does not, never did and never will have WMDs. And the allegation that any relationship exists between the Bush Administration and Al Chaini or Opata dung Robertson directly, is patently, categorically false and highly unlikely to be true." Later, in an interview with Wolf Blitzer, CNN, the North Korean ambassador to the UN, Kim Kim Il, stated that North Korea is a responsible nuclear power and would never give or otherwise share its technology with any other nation except Iran, with which it has a Nuclear Reciprocity Agreement. For a complete text of the Mousead report go to www.mousead.bt/report

WORLD RENOWNED HOLLYWOOD ICON TESTS POSITIVE FOR THE H5N VIRUS

ANAHEIM, CA - Warner Bros. Studios issued a press release today confirming that Tweety Bird, one of the world’s most beloved actors, has tested positive for the H5N virus, also known as the Bird Flu. According to the release, it isn’t immediately known whether Tweety has contracted the H5N1 strain which is the most virulent form of the Bird Flu.Tweety’s longtime publicist, Lucy Hawke, met with reporters this afternoon and said that Mr. Bird was being treated at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles where he is in poor but stable condition. When questioned by reporters about the rumors circulating in Hollywood alleging that Tweety and Chicken Little were lovers, Ms. Hawke replied, “That’s completely absurd, Mr. Bird and Mr. Little are just friends…besides, Mr. Bird is – well - old.”Asked whether she knew how Tweety may have contracted the disease, Ms. Hawke said she did not know but speculated that as Mr. Bird lives in the Screen Actors Guild Retirement Home he most likely got the flu from one of the other residents or from someone visiting a resident.According to his lifelong friend Daffy Duck, Tweety, who is 72, is expected to make a complete recovery. Daffy also admitted that he was flying off to Canada in the next few days where Tamiflu was still available and was being dispensed freely to anyone at any medical facility in the country.