Sure, Donald Trump is running for president. And it seems like he will likely be the Republican nominee. And he might even be the president! This, unfortunately, is not a far-fetched reality. But even if President Trump becomes a reality, Donald Trump has never been and will never be a legitimate candidate for president. Because to be a legitimate candidate for president, you have to be a legitimate candidate for president, and Donald Trump is not.

Now, he's not exactly an illegitimate candidate either. I'm assuming he completed all his paperwork and received all the required vaccines necessary to run. But his campaign and candidacy is no different than if the Burger King mascot or the mosquito buzzing on the chair next to the table I'm writing this on or the onions in the Thai Style Fried Rice I ate for lunch today or my spleen decided to run for president. Running for president alone wouldn't make any of those items legitimate candidates. And neither would winning. Because, if my spleen did all of a sudden become self-aware enough to 1) recognize what "a president" is and 2) realize it wanted to be one, it receiving enough votes to actually be president wouldn't make it any less of a farce.

Which is what Donald Trump running for president is. A farce. And by reading her book while this farce of a candidate was speaking about why he should be president, Johari Osayi Idusuyi treated him how she'd presumably treat an onion or a mosquito or my spleen if it were on stage attempting to convince people to vote for it. Which, ultimately, is how everyone should be treating Donald Trump. Like a spleen running for president.

America, though, is usually slow on the take for things Black people are doing first — like the Wobble and adding actual seasoning to meals — and this is a prime example of this phenomenon, which is why Johari Osayi Idusuyi is the Blackest person who ever lived this week.