Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Since Ted brought back an old name, we dug up her old BV. Here is the vintage Shellack Attack BV from July 2006.

Two Old-School Blind Vices: July 26, 2006

I swear, I'd love to tell you all the one about the reality-TV dude who's diddling other guys in the pools of Hollywood boy-boy shindigs, but that one's just as tired (ultimately) as the one I'm about to spill. I mean, come on. Okay, okay, so I will do--so to speak--the guy dish first: See, there's this boob-tube celeb who's, like, rather good-looking. Meatless Member has a nice face. Decent arms 'n' legs, sweet smile--but not exactly a whole lotta sausage cookin' in the kitchen down below. I mean, it was very nervy of M.M. to start having sex with other guys in the pool, what with every bitchy fag around, just waiting to spill the beans with no frank, as it were. But M. was horny, so he did anyway--so there. I'm hardly surprised Mr. Member was there at the posh address, frolicking at a homo-happening soiree in the first place, but most of (naïve) America will be startled, fer sure. It's all very snore-pie predictable.

As is Shellack Attack's latest man-romping move. I mean, many folks know Shellack's got a thing for the showier, naughtier boys--despite S.A.'s heart o' gold appeal. And this latest romance Ms. A.'s so very visibly involved in is hardly the surprise in that regard. But it should be. That's because sexy Shellack has finally found herself a man who has a bigger appetite for sno-cones, powder-style, than she does. And that's sayin' somethin'! Oy. Can't you infamous types out there please come up with some new Vices, besides drugs and dalliances? Can't somebody steal a script that results in an Academy Award from their best friend anymore? I mean, that's, like, what, a hundred years ago already, isn't it?

Dear Hopeful:Fort Collins what, hon? Sounds like something near a shopping mall or a Starbucks Kevin Federline would litter with cigarette butts. Regardless, you're getting very warm...ain't Denise, but you're sniffin' around the right nabe."

"Dear Ted:I'll take a crack at Meatless Member from Two Old-School Blind Vices--I think it's Ty Pennington. He has a sweet smile and a great body and all that personality he's giving off...maybe he's making up for what's lacking elsewhere?Tiff

Dear Sausage Snoop:Very warm but no cigar--or carrot, as it were. Think less visible, less vampy, less handsome...damn, less everything."

Jennifer Love Hewitt and her boyfriend just broke up (perhaps because he found out she was cheating?), she was dating someone in 2006 and she is curvy. Perhaps she could be considered for Shellack Attack.And for Meatless Member, Clay Aiken keeps coming to mind. He is okay looking, and it would only surprise naive Americans if he was at a gay party.

I think Cameron Diaz. She seems very publicly whipped by A-Rod who is A-list in sports, but also talks about how open and "like a guy" she is. "Making waves" as in surfing. Unless she's already been a BV?

You guys are all on about Shellack, but how is Dane Cook a good guess for M.M.? Definitely decent arms, but...does he go to "gay soirées"? Sounds more like Taylor to me. Perhaps Tay is not Parrish after all!

I like both guesses (ignoring that Taylor is likely Parrish), but I don't know that either would be considered a "boob-tube" star. Plus, I don't think anyone knew or cared who Taylor was in 2006 (not to mention he would have been 14 at the time. Lol.) Dane might be a good guess, but I'm gonna need more convincing since I have a bit of a crush on him. :)

Julianne Hough? It's just a random guess. She's a reality star from "Dancing with the Stars", she's been linked to a few of her dance co-stars, she had a visible relationship with Kevin Connolly around this time and she is now with Ryan Seacrest. She's blonde, young and i think curvy. Just throwing it out there.

To those guessing Taylor Lautner and Julianne Hough - this BV was written in 2006! Also, it is simply stated in the BV who the top guesses were AT THAT TIME - meaning in 2006. For a CURRENT discussion on the NEW BV from 2011, you can discuss that in that post's comments.

A pretty random guess here, but what about Brooklyn Decker? (Not sure if Andy Roddick counts as Alist, but I can't imagine he's be happy about his missus with another fella)Her first Sports Illustrated was 2006, and she also did a 'swim' campaign for Victoria Secret 'making waves'And she's more famous for being a model, but has had quite a few acting roles, the Adam Sandler film, Ugly Betty etc... My one problem is she might be a bit too young.

Definitely think this is Chelsea Handler; she's the only one that fits. Bad dye job, "trucker"-like potty mouth, funny and engaging like Jenny McCarthy, not an actress or singer, but definitely known. She's also in a "serious" relationship.

Disclaimer

The "exposed" celebrities mentioned in this blog are purely guesses. They are the thoughts and opinions of the authors of this blog in response to reading various gossip columns. Do not take our guesses, or photos posted of our guesses, as fact or as a source of accurate information. We are doing this for entertainment purposes only.

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