DUmmie FUnnies

A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

KOmmies Go BERSERK Over Lieberman Promise To Filibuster

Angry KOmmies are FUn to watch! And in this case the KOmmies have gone absolutely BERSERK over the promise by Senator Joe Lieberman to filibuster the ObamaCare bill. That promise alone is enough to KILL ObamaCare in the senate but add to that the very high possibility of Ben Nelson, Evan Bayh, and perhaps a couple of other Democrats refusing to vote for cloture and that bill is DOA. If the bill is later changed to DUmp public option, then the "progressives" will filibuster it. Heads We win, tails you lose. And the fringe benefit is watching the KOmmies go into rage syndrome mode as you can see in this THREAD, "Lieberman Will Filibuster." So let us now watch the KOmmies work themselves into a Bolshevik Red rage while the commentary of your humble correspondent, reminding everybody that the KOmmies targeted Lieberman in 2006 with Lamont but still lost, is in the [brackets]:

Lieberman Will Filibuster

[DRAT! Foiled by a Muppet!!!]

Oh, you asshole.

Some of us knew it was coming (I didn't).

Pay him off. Do what you have to do. Or he better be out of the f*cking caucus and chairmanships.

[A KOmmie recommends bribery to pass ObamaCare. ...And now on to the other victims of KOmmie Rage Syndrome...]

he probably enjoyed pulling that football away after Reid had it teed up.

[Harry Reid is about as glum as Charlie Brown.]

Strip away all his senate perks, he will likely resign in disgrace, this is all about Lieberman after all, he cares nothing for the people in Connecticut.

[Can he still use the Senate bathroom or will he have to hold it in?]

In my opinion he doesnt give a fiddly f*ck about Americans.My loathing of this creepy crawler motherf*cker has no bounds.I hope we can punish him, but I dont know if there are any rules in place to do so.You cant strip his chairs though as we found out with Baucas.Chris Dodd needs to get nasty and quit calling him his friend, like he did after the election when he went to bat for this motherf*cker, calling him his friend, and seemingly saying that he didnt care if dems liked it or not.Now its time for the man who has also called Teddy his friend and took over his HCC chair to disown, in the nastiest way possible ,his fellow Senator from Conn.That would be a shocking thing to see.

[So should Dodd call Countrywide his friend?]

I'm tired of this crap where Obama is playing hands off and leaving all the hard work to Reid. Lieberman owes Obama, therefore it's Obama's job to keep him in line.

[Hey! Obama needs to be well rested for his arugula breaks aboard Air Force One.]

Have Rahm Emmanuel slap the sh*t out of him until he wises up. This is the sort of thing Obama keeps Rahm around for.

[The Chicago Way.]

he's f*cking democrats. and he knows it. they all do.

[So sit back and enjoy...then smoke a cigarette afterwards.]

F*CK HIM: NO MERCY: MUST BE REMOVED FROM ALL ALL POSITIONS... THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO F*CKING EXCUSE FOR THIS. EXCUSE MY FRENCH BUT THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE... AND THERE IS NO EXCUSE AND OBAMA SHOULD NOT BE EXCUSING HIM.. LET'S DONATE ALL TO HIS CHALLENGER. AND PLEASE DO A WHIP COUNT OF SENATORS WILLING TO TAKE AWAY HIS CHAIRMANSHIP. WHILE WERE AT IT LETS GET RID OF THE FILIBUSTER!!!! THIS IS SO UNEXCUSABLE. EVERYTHING I MEAN EVERYTHING WE HAVE WORKED FOR IS BEING SABOTAGED BY LIEBERMAN. NOOOOO EXCUSE.

[ALL THAT I AM IS BEING DESTROYED BY JOE LIEBERMAN!!!!]

I wish we could hypnotize Reid into thinking he was Lyndon Johnson for a day.

Take the public option out now, or do whatever needs to be done to get to 60, and then once it goes to conference stick it back in, and then tell Joe Lieberman to go f*ck himself and jump off a bridge.

[That might be what gloomy Harry has in mind.]

my anger is undescribable right now

[Lean back, accept the chloroform hankie, and wake up next year on the other side of the pain.]

No wiggle room in Lieberman's statement. Lieberman clearly has no qualms about making himself the person single-handedly responsible for stopping Obama's health care reform efforts in their tracks.

Friday, October 23, 2009

The gasbag has landed! "Baloney Boy" Pitt back from the honeymoon

The gasbag has landed! No, not the good ship Jiffy Pop. No, I'm talking about "Baloney Boy" Will Pitt. Mr. Pitt has just gotten back from his honeymoon! Our Little Willie is now a married man! WOOOO HOOOO!!!!! Congrats, Will! We here at DUmmie FUnnies are very happy for you and your bride, and we wish you all the best. I'm series. If I could, I would buy you a beer at Bukowski's and raise a toast in your honor. Li'l Beaver would give you a cigar. We may have our political differences--oh, kind of like the difference between night and day--but on a personal level, we bear you no ill will . . . Will. We kid because we love.

So several threads to get to. A couple weeks ago, Will previewed his wedding in this THREAD, "So I'm getting married this weekend...." Then, a few days after the October 11 wedding, he posted this THREAD, "...so I have some wedding photos here...." Yes, follow that link and you will see actual photos from the actual wedding! Now finally Will reports that he has returned from the seclusion of his honeymoon and is back on the job (whatever that is, exactly), in this THREAD, "Catching Up With The Crazy."

And away we go! The words of Will and his well-wishers are in Blushing Bridegroom Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, somewhat miffed that Will didn't ask me to perform the wedding, is in the [brackets]:

So I'm getting married this weekend...

[Will wonders never cease!]

Picking up my Best Man at the airport in an hour.

[The best man is a luggage handler.]

Heading to rural New Hampshire tomorrow morning. Rehearsal and rehearsal dinner tomorrow evening; dinner, btw, will be at my mom's house (DUer Raven for the uninitiated). . . .

[Will's having a hard time leaving the Raven's nest.]

Wedding on Sunday here:

[So I follow the LINK, and there's a pic of the church. But, lo and behold, the URL identifies it as "Nelson Congregational Church." It's a congregation of the United Church of Christ! But I thought Pitt was Roman Catholic! And the UCC is a very liberal mainline Protestant denomination! And the pastor is actually a pastorette! "Rev." Dawn E. Garrett-Larsen! Wha' hoppen, Will??? I know the RCs don't go for female impastors! Didn't you just recently say, when Teddy Kennedy died, that you were a "Kennedy Catholic"?? Oh, wait, now I get it. Teddy wasn't too true to Catholic teaching, either.]

Reception here:

[No, it's not Bukowski's, silly!]

Wish me luck.

[I think we should wish the BRIDE luck! Now to the DUmmie well-wishers . . .]

Must be a bye week for the Pats. . . .

[And a buy week for the Pitts.]

Please don't let this interfere with your major contributions to our community.

[You are a great boon to us insomnia sufferers!]

congrats and much happiness to you and Raven.

[Uh, Raven is Pitt's MOTHER!]

Note to Raven: Not losing a son, gaining a son-wrangler?

[The Bondage of the Will.]

DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO STOP STALKING YOU????

[Is that you, benburch?]

*hugs*

[*drugs*]

Best Wishes! Are you taking her name?

[No, but the husband of "Rev." Dawn E. Garrett-Larsen really did take HER name, which is on one side of that hyphen there. Yes, the "Rev." Garrett-Larsen is that rare bird, a NON-lesbian female minister. Speaking of birds, DUmmie Raven (Pitt's mom) checks in . . .]

He's getting married and I'm getting a daughter. . . . Will's Cailen is a GIFT, a wonderful, wonderful Gift.

[Well, that's sweet. I mean it. No joke here. . . . OK, after that brief interlude, now back to the jokes . . .]

May the road rise to meet you. . . .

[Usually the floor rises to meet Will.]

Love is grand! --asdjrocky

[Love Is Blue --Paul Mauriat]

Don't regale the guests with too many stories, Will Pitt.

[Asleep at the Will.]

We were married in NH, August '02, with a pig on the fire and kegs on ice - ya can't beat the Karma!

[The pig would probably disagree.]

Good luck and Darwin Bless

[The Survival of the Pittest.]

Are you William Pitt the Younger or the Elder?

[He's William Pitt the Balder.]

I heard once that two printer color inkjet cartridges got married. A short time later the bride said excitedly to her groom, "Darling, I think I'm pigment."

[That was the beginning of the Cartridge Family.]

I hope it's fantastic, the weather is perfect, and you're not so drunk that you pass out before it's over.

[The new Mrs. Pitt looks quite lovely. How'd you manage that, Will?? I guess the old saying holds true: There's a lid for every pot--and Pitt!]

The deal goes down

[Pitt refers to this PHOTO, with a good view of the best man/luggage handler, the bald bridegroom, the tattooed bride, and the pastorette with the funky stole. Now to the DUmmies . . .]

Who is the bald dude?

[Pitt, in an altared state.]

Enjoy your time off the planet, sweetie...

[Off to Planet Pitt!]

Looks like one god-damned, liberal-assed affair if you ask me!

[The Day When Everything Finally Changed!]

Love the color of those bridesmaid's gowns!

[Bolshevik Red was a nice touch.]

Now let your hair grow back!

[Pitt's almost 38 now. More likely hair's going to grow ON his back.]

Will ??? - What Did You Do With Your Hair ???

[It's sealed in an envelope in Washington, D.C.]

Is this some sort of Sampson and Delilah thing???

[It's more like a Homer Simpson thing.]

Congratulations! . . . from someone who has admired your writing for so long.

[So YOU'RE the one!]

I'm sure your better half is very intelligent and will help keep your feet on the ground.

[That's always a challenge with Will.]

Didn't we tell you not to get married at the Temple of Manos, Hands of Fate?

[I now pronounce you Manos and Wife.]

dude , where is you hair ?

[Inquiring minds want to know.]

Does she know you have the power to move people with words?

[They tend to move away quickly.]

Mr. Pitt, any president who is not paying you to write speeches is not using America's best talent.

[Will the Shill blew any chance of a paying political job on May 12, 2006, the day of Rove's "indictment."]

There is something a-shimmering in you.

[That's one way to put it.]

Do I see a female clergy officiant? Hoot Hoot!

[Yep, Will Pitt, the loyal "Kennedy Catholic," got hitched in a UCC church by a female impastor. . . . Now for a little bit of Will's back-from-the-honeymoon thread . . .]

So, I got married two weekends ago, and spent all of last week honeymooning with my wife in front of a stone fireplace. . . .

[Better in front of a stone fireplace than in front of a fireplace stoned.]

in a tiny cabin by a tiny lake in the woods of New Hampshire.

[A cabin in the woods of New Hampshire? Hmmm, sounds familiar. . . . Nahh, couldn't be! Not on a man's honeymoon!]

No cell phone reception; no TV channels because the tube was still hooked up to an analog antenna on the roof that looked to have been there since the Truman administration. . . .

[D*mn Republicans! Maybe Obama can get us universal cable.]

Coming home, in retrospect, may have been an egregious tactical error. . . . One hour of television news . . . made me want to pile back into the car and race back to that cabin. . . . "Balloon Boy"? Seriously?

[Kid already can puke like the Pittster. . . . Finally, let's go to the comments, to this one in particular . . .]

How dare you cast asperations on that little cabin!!!! It's a gem on a golden pond.

[It's DUmmie Raven, AKA Mother Pitt! Yes, it's true! William Rivers Pitt, nearly 38 years old, took his bride, on their honeymoon, TO STAY WITH HIS MOTHER IN HER CABIN IN THE WOODS!!!]

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Reality Zone

(Richard Heene, father of Balloon Boy Falcon, is sitting in his backyard with his head in his hands. Falcon walks up to him and Heene looks up sadly.)

BALLOON DAD: Why Falcon? Why did you tell Wolf Blitzer on live TV that I told you to hide in the attic for the show?

BALLOON BOY: Because that is what you did tell me, Dad.

BALLOON DAD: But that was the real reality we must never talk about. What counts is TV reality. And now I can never return to TV reality shows like "Wife Swap." My credibility was blown and I am now facing jail time plus big fines because of my TV reality stunt.

(Heeney buries his face into his hands again. Falcon throws up on him and walks away as Rod Serling walks into the scene.)

ROD SERLING: Meet Richard Heeney, father of Balloon Boy. He is a fraud looking for a reality but only the reality that exists on television. Heeney doesn't know it yet but he is about to have a close encounter with...The Reality Zone.

(Heeney's head is still buried in his hands. Suddenly a high-pitch whine is heard. Heeney looks up and sees what looks to be his infamous helium balloon up in the sky. The balloon lowers but apparently it is a solid flying saucer which lands in Heene's yard. A hatch door opens and out floats a half dozen balloons that look just like miniature versions of his helium balloon. One of the balloons starts glowing on and off and a voice from it can be heard.)

GLOWING BALLOON: Greetings earthling! We are from the planet Zandax to deliver an urgent message to earth.

GLOWING BALLOON: You better believe it, earthling, because we are here to tell you how your planet can avoid being destroyed by a solar flare in your earth year of 2012.

BALLOON DAD: The Mayan prediction was right! I was right! I'm gonna call all the news outlets right now. Don't go away, guys! I need you to restore my credibility.

GLOWING BALLOON: We will return in exactly 24 earth hours. You are hereby appointed as our representative to earth. Inform all to be here in one day to hear our message.

(The balloon aliens float back into the flying saucer and it takes off into the sky. Next we see Balloon Dad hours later furiously yelling into his cell phone.)

BALLOON DAD: Yes, CNN, I know I caused that balloon hoax but this is no hoax. A flying saucer shaped just like my helium balloon landed in my backyard and a bunch of extraterrestrials shaped just like little helium balloons told me they would return tomorrow with an important message. Please! YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME! THIS IS THE REAL DEAL!

(Hours later and an even more frantic Heene is working the phone.)

BALLOON DAD: Hello, Wife Swap? I've got an idea for the best show you ever had. My wife swaps places with the wife of an alien from the Planet Zandax. No, I'm not on meds! Hello? Wife Swap are you there? Hello? Hello? ...It's no use. No news outlet believes a thing I tell them. Not even the Reality shows. Okay, time for Plan B. In order to get them to appear here I'll call them back and tell them I will make a full confession right here tomorrow on TV. It will be at the exact same time as when the space aliens are scheduled to return.

(The next day. News crews fill Heene's backyard.)

BALLOON DAD: Ladies and gentlemen of the press. I know I told you I would make a full confession today. Okay, I was flat out lying when I said that I didn't know where Falcon was when the helium balloon was in the air. In fact, I did tell him to hide in the attic for the show because I was desperate to become a Reality TV star. However, the really big news today is that a flying saucer, shaped like my helium balloon, landed right here yesterday and space aliens that looked just like little helium balloons from the planet Zandax told me they would return today to tell us how we can avoid being destroyed by a solar flare in the year 2012.

(A collective groan is heard from the press.)

BALLOON DAD: I don't blame you for being skeptical in view of the fraud I perpetrated but I assure you this is the real deal. Your attitude towards me will change from utter disgust to one of awe and admiration.

ANOTHER VOICE: You're dangerous and delusional! Let's get the hell out of here!

(The assembled press begins to leave the yard.)

BALLOON DAD: NO! WAIT! COME BACK! I SWEAR TO YOU HELIUM BALLOON ALIENS WERE HERE! THIS TIME I'M NOT KIDDING! PLEASE COME BACK!!!

(We see this scene being played out on a big screen TV. In front of the TV are green extraterrestrials with small antennas on their heads wearing T-shirts and reclining on a big couch while they are in the middle of a laughing fit. Behind them helium balloon shaped aliens dissolve and re-materialize as the green aliens. They are also laughing loudly. Richard Heene is continuing to scream about space aliens from the planet Zandax on the television screen which makes all of them laugh even louder. One of the aliens hands a can of beer to his companion.)

SPACE ALIEN #1: BWAHAHAHAHA!!! One of the best shows yet. Hee! Hee! HEE!

SPACE ALIEN #2: Ha! Ha! Ha! Wait until you see next week's show. It's even funnier.

SPACE ALIEN #1: Really?

SPACE ALIEN #2: Yeah. We found another earthling by the name of William Rivers Pitt. He was the guy who perpetrated a fraud several earth years ago by claiming that Karl Rove had been indicted on May 12, 2006. Then when the indictment didn't happen, he said it would happen in just 24 business hours. He is still waiting.

SPACE ALIEN #1: So what did the writers come up with?

SPACE ALIEN #2: We told Pitt that we will be returning to earth in 24 business hours to arrest George W. Bush and deliver him to the planet Hague to try him for war crimes.

SPACE ALIEN # 1: 24 business hours?

SPACE ALIEN #2: Yeah, we convinced him he has to tell the press "24 business hours" because that will be the secret phrase we will be listening for to set the process in motion.

(Rod Serling walks into the room. Behind him the space aliens are laughing uncontrollably at a frantic Richard Heene who is still yelling on the big screen TV.)

ROD SERLING: These are the intergalactic pranksters. They travel the universe looking for victims fraudulently trying to get on the fast lane to fame by faking reality yet end up on the off-ramp to oblivion as the butt of the joke in...The Reality Zone.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

"Up, Up on the Screen (In My Helium Balloon)"

I know, I know, you're asking, "What about the Pitt wedding DUFU?" Well, before we get to the gasbag that got hitched, first we need to deal with a gasbag that got UN-hitched! I refer, of course, to the Balloon Boy saga, and the DUmmies' reaction to the story.

But before we hear from the DUmmies, let's join the Heene Family Singers in singing one of their favorite Ballooney Tunes:

Would you like to hide in my helium balloonWould you ride untied in my helium balloonWe'll be famous like the stars on TV, you and IFor we can lie, we can lie

Up, up on the screenIn my helium, my helium balloon

It's just a little game in my helium balloonIt's fortune and it's fame in my helium balloonWe can sign a deal and keep it real--no, we're not shyFor we can lie, we can lie

Up, up on the screenIn my helium, my helium balloon

It's splendid knowing the spotlight shines on youWe'll use our kids when the networks show upIf by some chance we face a tough interviewWe'll find a bag to blow upWe'll start to gag and throw up

Fame is waiting there in my helium balloonSoon we're on the air in my helium balloonIf you'll hold your tongue we'll send our young across the skyFor we can lie, we can lie

Up, up on the screenIn my helium, my helium balloonBalloon . . .Up, up on the screen . . .

Now to the DUmmies. The Reality-Based Community® takes on the Reality-Show Family® in this THREAD and this THREAD and this THREAD. So now let us crawl in the basket and float off to DUmmieland to get their reactions, in Balloonshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, the wag tailoring the doggerel, is in the [brackets]:

all you balloon posters... you are the reason the news is filled with crap...you eat this stupid stuff up.

[So what does this DUmmie do? Post another thread about Balloon Boy.]

An Unrec for yelling at people who give a damn about a little boy

[But a Kick & a Rec for maintaining DUmmieland standards of intramural fighting.]

Math and physics told me (and many others) that this was BS from the get-go.

[Had to throw in the parenthetical "(and many others)" so as not to look as attention-craved as Richard Heene.]

I'm hoping that science teachers everywhere will take the opportunity tomorrow to teach a little bit of physics to their students. Maybe some good will come of it after all?

[More funding for science teachers! Politicize my flight! No child left behind in the attic!]

Baloon! Wow! Ooh, shiny baloon! Whee! Boy in shiny baloon!

[Spheroidenshiny, baby!]

More interesting than a car chase

[Is that you, Al Cowlings?]

millions of small children are in danger. . . .

[Keep your eyes to the skies!]

YAY! I love masturbatory indignation!

[My favorite group!]

Punch yourself in the face.

[Love, love, love. . . .]

SHAME ON YOU DU! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! You shamed yet, DU?

[I detect a note of sarcasm.]

Who's the president? Balloon?

[Gasbag. Now on to Thread #2 . . .]

Balloon Boy: Is Mainstream Media Purposely Distracting Us?

[Yes. It's all a Corporate Media Plot. Humans have never been interested in human-interest stories before.]

It works well, even here at DU where the boards were full of threads about the balloon boy. We complain about MSM distractions and then follow right along like good sheeple.

[We should only talk about the public option and Afghanistan and sending Bush to The Hague.]

Did anyone notice the stars and strips shirt that the sheriff was wearing yesterday when he said that charges would be fired.

[Did you notice you said "stars and strips" and "charges would be fired" and ended a question with a period?]

Anyone with half a brain could have determined that the kid wasn't in the balloon after 10 seconds of video.

[If only we were as smart as you! Please forgive us, Mr. Science! Now on to Thread #3 . . .]

County sheriff in Colorado says "balloon boy" incident was a "hoax" and a "publicity stunt."

["County sheriff": Boo! Hiss! It's the Man, holding us down! Power to the People!]

The Jiffy Pop look a like balloon could not support the boy's weight.

[If he hadn't eaten all that Jiffy Pop, he wouldn't be such a tubbo.]

somehow the Heene's will make money from this hoax.

[Smart. Must be related to Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.]

they will be on Larry King soon

[Maybe they can do us all a favor and put Lar in a balloon and float him off to Sun City.]

Fox news & the teabaggers will blame Obama for this.

[So let's blame Bush!]

A Richard Heene, Joe the Plumber, & Octomom Charity Softball Game might raise a lot of money and partially redeem these scumbags.

[Octomom could field her own team.]

What about Palin?

[Palin is the new Bush. Somehow she must be responsible.]

Hang their f*cking asses.

[Hang the Heenes' heinies!]

They launched the thing during President Obama's speech

[All the more reason!]

Obama is not as important to the media as are fake flying balloons

[Fake but accurate.]

the media played you?

[Hey, you fell for Obama, didn't you?]

You guys still haven't firgured this out yet? very disappointing, makes me sad. See if you can follow this: Do the simple physics. Do the simple math. Do a simple observation. Figured it out yet? Okay- a little clue: Ever had a HELIUM BALLOON as a kid? Ever tried to lift something with it heavier than an ounce or so? Figured it out yet? Clue #2: Figure the VOLUME of the Balloon. Roughly 15 feet in diameter, 3-5 feet thick at the center, tapering to the sides. Use the formula for the volume of an ellipsoid (you can find that using Google.) Depending on how generous you want to be with the height and radius values the volume comes out to be between 200 to 300 cubic feet of helium. Got it yet? How much does a 6 year old boy WEIGH? Answer: normally 40 something pounds. Got it?

[No, but you get the Patronizing Pedantic Post of the Day Award.]

1 cubic foot of helium can lift .067 pounds (you can check that value using Google.) A 200 to 300 cubic foot helium balloon can lift no more than 20 pounds.

[What . . . is the air-speed velocity of an unladen helium balloon?]

What a freakin' dumbed down country we have become.

[Exhibit A: DUmmieland.]

Can you imagine what the great thinkers of the Renaissance would say about us? We're like retarded monkeys. . . .

[Bunch of balloon baboons.]

This is not a violent crime, whatever it is. It deserves a formal rebuke but not time in the pen. I'd rather see Dick Cheney there!

[Balloongate, the new Gitmo!]

I am not convinced this was a hoax yet.

[Hey, I've got a Bridge to Nowhere you might like to buy!]

They'll get a trial like anyone else.

[And a trial balloon, beside.]

Why is locking people up so desirous to so many?

[Ask the people who want to send Bush and Cheney to The Hague.]

Believe it or not, prison actually has a deterrent effect.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I think it was staged. Coreographed. But I'm assuming, and that's kind of lame on my part. But that's what the little voice in my head said.

[Those little voices in your head have been coming back again, eh?]

PLEASE ACCOUNT FOR THE WIND...i don't know the climate but the balloon had a very large surface area--- like a parachute... and not being familiar with the Wizard Of Oz, i don't know if a balloon as defined in many of these replies ASSISTED BY STRONG WINDS could have lifted or carried a small child. i have seen parachutists carried miles sideways by the wind WHILE SCIENCE would tell us they should be falling at some specific rate

[ACCOUNT FOR THE WIND, PEOPLE! PARACHUTISTS, SIDEWAYS, FOR MILES!!]

knocking off the President of the USA from live coverage to show what amounts to one of the biggest farces of the decade, since the US Supreme Court declared Bush a winner in 2000?

[I've got it! The man behind the balloon! No, not Richard Heene. He's just a mind-controlled pawn in this drama. No, the man behind this MUST be none other than . . . KARL ROVE, of course! Think about it! Yes, it's Krazy Karl's Weather Balloon! Devilishly brilliant, the perfect Rovian touch!]

Saturday, October 17, 2009

"Mr President, do know how many people lived on ramen noodles to get you elected?"

Hey DUmmies! If you want the honor of having your thread DUFUed, then be really creative in your titles. The main reason why this THREAD was DUFUed was its title, ""Mr President, do know how many people lived on ramen noodles to get you elected?" No matter how many times I read it, I never fail to chuckle. In fact, the rest of the thread is pretty much anticlimactic although the personal woes posted by the author, DUmmie thunder rising, is also quite FUnnie. This thread has even inspired a new DUmmie description on my part: Ramen Noodle DUmmies. Ramen Noodle DUmmies are DUmmies who placed complete faith in their savior, Barack Obama, yet despite great personal sacrifice now have NOTHING to show for it. So let us now watch the Ramen Noodle DUmmies recount their disappointment in The One in Bolshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who just checked in the back of a kitchen cabinet and found Lime Shrimp Ramen Noodles, is in the [barackets]:

Mr President, do know how many people lived on ramen noodles to get you elected?

[LOL! One of the FUnnies DUmmie thread titles ever!]

How many gave up savings? How many people gave up entertainment? How many people sensing the collapse of our financial system literally threw you forward like a Hail Mary pass in hopes that you would act in our best interest; you know, the *people* people of the United States?

[I gave up living on raw carrots to eat nothing but Ramen Noodles. Such was the sacrifice I made for our Beloved Barack.]

I'm now unemployed, uninsured, and foreclosed. All of these issues were addressed in your campaign promises. Do you think we as a group of evermore impoverished plain Americans we can preserver as long as the Democratic Asshole Senators can delay? The proof is in: 122 less voters will be available by tomorrow; 4K by the next election.

[Maybe you should have been one of those who lined up in Detroit to get yourself a share of Obama's stash.]

And I know that in the Democratic political strategist minds they are thinking; you're broke, so you really don't count anymore.

[Would it make you feel better to cry into my bowl of Lime Shrimp Ramen Noodles?]

My employment prospects were sent to India and/or simply filled on site with an H1-B. Do you think we could get some relief on that. At least let us know that you're interested in the plight of the plain everyday Americans that sent those small donations?

[Good news! Ramen Noodles are widely available in India as long as they aren't beef flavored.]

Do you think the younger voters that were *so* hyped up about your election are still excited? I was once 18-25 yrs old and I can tell you they are seeing the same old politics of getting served scraps justified with more intellectual arguments. Yes, the crowds love to cheer you--you being a charismatic speaker can work a crowd. However, that glow isn't lasting nearly as long as it used to. There is no "force multiplier". Nobody is going out registering voters or calling their friends. The party is in fact in decline and it's your watch.

[Obama's Ramen Noodle has gone limp.]

The time is at hand ... we need you to work for us now.

[Obama will work to make sure your Ramen Noodles don't have too much MSG.]

(Sry folks, I love that President, but I'm getting frustrated)

[Thus concludes the Ramen Noodle soliloquy. And now on to the rest of the DUmmies...]

he's a millionaire, YOU are not. His friends are from Goldman Sachs. Yours? He has accomplished some good things in his term. But now that he is an insider and no longer a challenger...well things change don't they?

[The big change is that Obama gets arugula as a side with his Ramen Noodles. ]

Can I get in here and take my crap on him, too?

[Did you eat too many Ramen Noodles?]

Since 11/25/08, when I first voiced my "concerns" about the Geithner appointment and got flamed for it here on DU, I have said that we the people were being ignored, and they the bankers were getting all the attention.

[Geithner. The only Episcopalian born in Brooklyn in over 70 years. Hmmmm?]

The U.S. has ONE president.

[The One.]

On a positive note, in New Orleans he said he's just getting started. Keep hope alive!

[Keep Ramen Noodles warmed up!]

I am beginning to think that for the next four years all they are doing is shilling for votes. and going to the wrong side looking for them.the DC beltway crowd is out of touch.

[Do they serve Ramen Noodles inside the Beltway?]

The problem is that he did not recruit us. A nation of followers lost their leader the day after the election.

[ACORN will trade a bowl of Ramen Noodles for your vote.]

I know MY life went flaming into the crapper right after McCain lost.

[And how many Ramen Noodles flew into that crapper?]

Millions are frustrated. You are not alone and the question remains, "WHERE ARE THE JOBS GOING TO COME FROM??"

[A more important question remains, "WHERE ARE THE RAMEN NOODLES GOING TO COME FROM??"]

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

DUmmies Believe Hillary Claim About Not Running For President Again

Hillary Clinton recently claimed that she won't ever run for president again and the DUmmies actually believe her. Of course, Hillary would never lie. Right? In fact, not only do I believe that Hillary Clinton will run again for president, I think she can't wait for 2016 to arrive and will challenge Barack Obama in the 2012 Democrat primaries. So sure am I of this that I even POSTED the exact date of what I think will be her official announcement in the Free Republic: September 12, 2011. Think Ted Kennedy challenging Jimmy Carter. However, the DUmmies completely buy into her disavowal of any interest in the presidency as you can see in this THREAD, "Hillary Clinton says she won't run for president again." So let us now visit the DUmmies placing their faith in what that fount of honesty, Hillary, says in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that Diane Feinstein is now slamming Obama with Hillary's ventriloquist voice, is in the [barackets]:

[Except that Biden is so delusional that he actually stated he might run in 2016.]

Biden, though, has always been up front. When Maher asked him on his show about running Biden said, yeah, I decided I'm gonna run. Real low key. That was his announcement! And even know he was asked about Prez after O's two terms and Biden said "maybe -- it's too early to even think about it".

[Like I stated. Biden is DELUSIONAL.]

I agree....I believe her too

[Is that you, Charlie Brown?]

I've heard rumors about Hillary supossedly taking Biden's vp spot in 2012 so that she can segway into the WH in 2016. I think thats a good idea.

[Obama wants his enemies close but NOT that close.]

Of course, everyone in a TV interview tells the truth 100% of the time.

[Hmmm... Do I detect a note of sarcasm there?]

I'm sorry, but I do not see why Obama did not let Hillary win in 2008 and run in 2016. By then he would have had the experience he needs to be a truly great president. Now he is simply over his head.

["Simply over his head. Now there is a bigtime understatement.]

I think this thread should be locked.

[Just when we get an honest assessment of Obama?]

I take Hillary at her word & commend her for making a wise decision for the good of the country.

[Great. Now you can go ahead and kick that football she is holding.]

No sitting SOS is going to say after a mere 9 months of a new administration that he/she will be running for president in the future. She may honestly feel that way, but life has many twists & turns and no one knows where it'll take us.

[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity!]

No-one seriously believes Hillary wil run in 2016.

[You're right. I believe Hillary wil seriously run in 2012.]

I love Joe, but I think most people see him as a likable clown.

[Who had a few brewskis too many.]

If the opportunity arises, and Hillary feels she can and should win, she'll run and likely win. I hope that's in the cards!

[They are in the cards. And the cards say "2012."]

She's thinking more about her job she is doing now. And not about her political life.

Friday, October 09, 2009

BREAKING: Obama wins the DUmmie Pissed Prize!

Barack Obama may have won the Nobel Peace Prize today, but over in DUmmieland he has also succeeded in winning the DUmmie Pissed Prize! That's right, lots of DUmmies are PISSED that the Nobel would go to that imperialist warmonger, Barack McSame. So that means the loyal Obamabots are busy trying to put down the naysayers and put on a happy face. It all makes for anything BUT peace in DUmmieland, as we see in this THREAD, "Breaking News: Obama wins 2009 Nobel Peace Prize."

So let us now watch the DUmmies get a piece of Barack, in Red-Cape-in-Front-of-a-Bull Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, hoping PJ and I win the Nobel Ping Prize, is in the [Barackets]:

Breaking News: Obama wins 2009 Nobel Peace Prize

[Breaking Promises: Obama wins DUmmie Pissed Prize]

The Nobel Committee said he was awarded it for "his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples"

[. . . without actually doing anything.]

"His diplomacy is founded in the concept that those who are to lead the world must do so on the basis of values and attitudes that are shared by the majority of the world's population."

[Translation: He's just as weak and wussy as us Euroweenies.]

Congratulations to him!

[Peace be upon him.]

The whole week the majority of DU has been upset over Obama's Afghan policies. And, now, he gets a award, he is a peacemaker. No. He is not.

[Piss be upon him.]

No progressives on DU have complained about the award. You're stirring dookie for no reason here. We're ALL happy he won the Prize.

[SOMEBODY STIRRED UP THE DOOKIE!]

No, we're not.

[I'd like to have an argument, please.]

I did hear that they were considering him even before the election. . . .

[Before the foundation of the world.]

The war atrocities in Afghanistan is not peace making. Extending unethical and immoral Bush war policies....Keeping contracts with Blackwater....This is not Nobel Peace Prize worthy. It simply isn't. Flame away.

[This means WAR!]

Most of the progressives here are able to articulate a thought in more words than what you find on a fortune in a fortune cookie. You seem to trade in, at best, five word snippets.

[You will find opposition today.]

only when he ends the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq will I think he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.

[Only when he ends the wars in DUmmiestan.]

I'm actually very pissed and working my way to saying some pretty harsh things about him.

[Oh, go for it!]

Onward and forward!

[Cussword and swearword!]

BULLSH*T.

[Right on cue!]

We progressives are rec'ing this in spades. . . .

[THAT'S RACIST!]

But if you don't cheerlead everything he's done, you are worse than Hitler. That seems to be the position of the Twirly Eyed True Believers.

[THEY TWIRLY BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

what the is the point? I think it reduces the value of the prize, and he hasn't actually achieved anything as yet. . . . this is a stupid move on the part of the committee.

[DUmmie AusDem, you have just won the DUFU Kewpie Doll for Brief Moments of Mental Clarity!]

You see unrec'ing a thread as a vote on the real life event described in the thread?. . . I sure don't think clicking a button on a DU thread is a vote on whether Obama should get the Nobel Peace Prize or not.

[Click to Enrage.]

What is it about the Committee's reasons did you not understand.

[OK, let's start with . . . How could he be nominated after just The First Eleven Days?]

Give Obama the Piece Prize. . . . No damn amurikan president deserves a peace prize. . . . For the primary job of any amurikan president is to offensively, aggressively, and immorally defend and expand the amurikan empire to further the enrichment of the insatiable amurikan ruling class. . . . Obama is still waging foreign war. . . . On the domestic war front he wages his softer, rhetoric masked, reagan class war on the despised working class on behalf of the bankster class.

[Get a piece of Barack . . . Barack McSame.]

This is premature. he's just getting started and this is going to put wood on the GOP fire. It just doesn't look good. I LOVE Obama and WANT him soooo badly to be successfu.

[Barack "Woody" Obama: Putting the "fu" in "successfu."]

Some people here think Obama doesn't deserve praise for anything.

[Mmm, mmm, mm, Barack McSame Obama. . . .]

And some people here sound more like 12 year old fans of a celebrity. . . .

There's no sleeping under the troll bridge because they work out of a sweat chop on the other side of the world for a dollar a day.

[SWEATY FREEPER TROLLS!!!]

Congrads, but for what? Forgive me, but I've been away from the news for a few days...What did the President win for?

[Getting the Olympics for Rio.]

I guess war is officially peace now.

[WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.]

shhhh...you're not supposed to mention that stuff today. Lets brush that under the rug 'kay?

[BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.]

WHAT FOR? Not being George W. Bush? Being a Democrat in the Presidency? Sorry, that shouldn't be enough to win a Nobel Peace Prize.

[And sorry to you! Only one DUFU Kewpie Doll per thread.]

Keeping both these wars going should disqualify President Obama from the PEACE Prize, until he withdraws. They are Obama's wars now.

[IMPEACH OBAMA NOW!]

When I read the news I just wondered if I had somehow gotten up in an alternate universe. . . .

[You have just crossed over into . . . The Reality-Based Community®.]

You don't get so much as a high-school diploma for trying and showing promise, do you?

[Barry tries hard and gets an "E" for "Emerging."]

So, in other words, they gotten taken in by the Hope and Change meme.

[Memes from Mein Führer.]

Oh, gotta go, we're about to attack the Moon!

[Alert the Moonbats!]

He'll have a Nobel prize case. Nobels lined up on shelves! Maybe now even a prize for moon shooting! We're shooting the moon! Take that, world!

[Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!]

Not to be disrespectful, but I don't understand what he's done to merit the Nobel Peace Prize.

["But when you look at my record it's very clear what I've done so far, and that is nothing. Nada. Almost one year and nothing to show for it."]

Come join me in my 23 Gun Salute/Happy Dance!

[Happiness Is a Warm 23 Gun Salute.]

I never go to Free Republic or watch Faux, but I am almost tempted today.

[Come over and read the DUmmie FUnnies! We know you do anyway!]

For defending the world against the Moon, of course

[Barack Obama: Keeping the world safe from the moon.]

DU continues to surprise me, and not in a good way.

[DUmmieland wins the Nobel Sur Prize.]

You might find that the Norwegians are in a position to give out prestigious prizes because they did not make enemies for themselves all over the world.

I just visited FR for the first time in months; it's pretty entertaining at the moment.

[And this DUFU only adds to the FUn!]

to the many trolls and Obama haters pissing on this thread, a hearty F*CK YOU.

[Spoken in that Barackian spirit of diplomacy.]

Attacking someone receiving an award...hmmm, very Kanye of everyone doing it. . . . those that want to jump up onstage and try to interrupt his honor are doing as much as Kanye West did and looking just as badly.

[Barack is being Swiftboated!]

Terrible choice! He just bombed the moon!

[Moonbats and minorities hardest hit!]

Everyone is asking, "what did he do?" I asked that too. What was it he did? Even Al Gore thought it was wierd. It is like shaking hands saying congrats but not knowing why. Hey Michael T. just goes to show you, you can buy anything. Hee hee hee hee. I can see if Mom Teresa, Einstein, Mandela wins. Back to rising thru the ranks like BHO has. Wait you will see him rise in the United Nations too. Then for a springboard into Atlantic, swim across, trot to Brussels, and become World Leader. Obama babe has dreams, and USA is just a steppingstone boys and girls. We's small potatoes. Pretty speeches and community org. does not make a hero. Esp. if his speeches have hidden meaning you have to listen closely-a big thank you to his speech writers who like to play with words. Wake up America!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Randi Rhodes Blasts Keith Olbermann

The DUmmies and the KOmmies are in an uproar. Randi Rhodes temporarily emerged from radio obscurity long enough today to blast Keith Olbermann on her show. Here is what Randi posted on her BLOG:

Last night's Countdown on MSNBC was devoted to a one-hour "special comment" by Keith Olbermann. I always thought a comment was a brief observation. Evidently I was wrong about the "brief" part. I'm sorry, but that was the most self-indulgent hour I've heard since Emerson, Lake & Palmer broke up. Keith! Talking for an entire hour isn't a comment. It's a filibuster. Olbermann railed on for an hour about how we need healthcare reform. Keith, the best thing about stating the obvious is that you can state it pretty quickly. At least most people can. Watching that there were a lot of things I wanted to hear Keith Olbermann say. But mostly I wanted to hear him say "And in conclusion..."

OUCH! What really makes this FUnnie are the outraged blasts at Randi from the DUmmies and KOmmies for daring to attack their sacred Keith as you can see in this KOmmie THREAD, "DISGUSTED WITH RANDI RHODES ARE YOU?" as well as this DUmmie THREAD, "geez, randi going off on keith olbermann," and this THREAD, "Randi Rhodes lost it on air today...." So let us now watch both KOmmies and DUmmies attack Randi Rhodes in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, suddenly thirsty for at least a dozen Ketel Ones, is in the [brackets]:

DISGUSTED WITH RANDI RHODES ARE YOU?

["Amused" would be a more accurate word.]

I know this brief but I feel compelled to get a sense of this domain regarding her behavior today on her show. She spent the whole three hours tearing down last night's Countdown on MSNBC devoted to a one-hour "special comment" by Keith Olbermann.

[Three whole hours! I MUST hear that audio. Anyone out there have a link?]

She railed on her radio show today that the one-hour commentary by Keith Olbermann last night as elitist and unintelligible. Now while I can understand she may have missed the point. Olbermann framed the health care issue as life and death and that many of us are fortunate to have our heath care while many thousands die each year simply because they do not. Ms. Rhodes an alleged progressive might as well have been working for WellPoint, Cigna, or any one of the other insurance giants for all the good she did today to advance reform.

[Did Randi's insurance policy cover her attack by 14 Ketel Ones on the streets of New York? Now on to the other KOmmies...]

I stopped listening to her a long time ago. She is just annoying, repetitve and shrill.

[She sounds like a carbon copy of Keith Olbermann.]

Randi Rhodes? This is the pot calling the kettle black.

[In Randi's case, it is the pot calling the Ketel One black.]

It hurt to hear it. But, like witnessing a car wreck, I loyally listened the entire 3 hrs

[And knowing Randi, the cause of that car wreck was DUI.]

I seriously doubt that her opinion will get much mention in the wider world.

[It's getting mentioned in the DUmmie FUnnies.]

I think that she's jealous. She's been doing her schtick for a long time and is good at what she does (normally, imo). She's had a topsy-turvey last year or two, and has persevered; however, she's not as "famous", if you will, as Ed Schultz and Keith. Hence, her very own ego was bruised.

[Hey! I'm doing my best to keep Randi in the limelight. After all I helped kick off her national career when she was confined to a low power West Palm Beach station.]

When I used to listen she would often refer to the fact that

1. Keith gets so much of his information from her show and never credits her and

2. he never has asked her to be on the show and

3. he's really egotistical a bully and is not very nice.

[What does it say about you if you think a maniac is stealing your material?]

I was shocked when she called him out for being "all ego". She's the self-professed "Goddess of Radio"!

["Queen of Ketel One."]

I might disagree with her on Keith Olbermann, but Olbermann owes his current career to Rhodes's leadership in broadcasting.

[Keith stole her NUtty act and got himself a gig on MSDNC.]

Randi did not pave the way for him! Gosh before AAR, she was an unknown outside of lower Florida.

[And guess who brought her to the attention of the outside world. Psst! Look here. Look here. Now on to the DUmmies...]

geez, randi going off on keith olbermann.

[That sounds vaguely kinky.]

basically, she feels he wasted an hour, and she would have done a better job.

[Randi thinks she can be a better NUtcase than Keith.]

randi seems to be upset that keith never acknowledges her...

[...and given her credit for making him the NUtcase that he is.]

I have heard randi complain that Keith steals all of her material.

[That NUtcase is stealing my material! That's why he sounds so NUts!]

Once I remember her bringing up the types of women Keith dates....and how she isn't his 'type.'

[Keith doesn't like burnt out bar hags? And now to the second DUmmie thread...]

Randi Rhodes lost it on air today....

[Her lunch? Too many Ketel Ones will do that to you.]

This is the woman who at one point, long ago, said that Keith Olbermann stole her material.Today, she raved for three hours about his special comment last night, saying dozens of times what an ego he has. She also took credit for the success of Keith and MSNBC. Later in the show she said that she, Randi, has no ego.

[When you're the last bar hag sitting alone at the 3 AM closing time, it does tend to diminish your ego.]

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Smoking Destroys Throat of William Rivers Pitt

This is a short but shocking DUFU edition today. William Rivers Pitt apparently opened up his Trust Fund checkbook and purchased his way into giving a speech at an Eleanor Roosevelt Awards Dinner held by Denver area Democrats. I could post his overlong boring speech which was my original intention but I just couldn't get over his voice. You can't hear him by clicking the pic above but if you go to TRUTHOUT, just scroll down to the video and click on it.

If you had ever heard Pitt's voice before his throat started getting eaten away by the cancer sticks, you would be as shocked as I am to hear the Pittster's voice. I remember him on the phone from Bukowksi's in early 2005, assuring me that he remembered every single detail of a long conversation that he wrote, word-for-word. Back then his voice sounded smooth and normal. However, years of sucking down those cigarettes, perhaps as many as 3 packs per day, have resulted in the raspy, unhealthy voice you hear on the video.

My advice to Pitt is to quit blowing his Trust Fund bucks to pay for ego enhancing speaking gigs and use the money to pay for medical attention. You need to quit smoking NOW or end up with a hole in your throat like this SINGING COWBOY.

Don't wait, Pitt. Pick up the phone and make an appointment with a doctor. Best to do it now before the ObamaCare waiting lines go into effect.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

DUmmies React To SNL Obama "Jack Squat" Skit

Something shocking here. I actually agree with the DUmmies that Saturday Night Live performer, Fred Armisen, did a lousy job of impersonating Barack Obama's voice. It's really not that tough. All you have to do is snap out a few words, pause, and then speak again. Yet Armisen did not even make the slightest attempt to do this. Why didn't the SNL director point this out? Who knows? However, despite that obvious flaw, the SNL skit last night was hilarious as you can see in this VIDEO. Basically, they had Obama admitting that the only things he has been able to accomplish were "JACK and SQUAT." And despite all of Obama's rhetoric, so true. We have all known such BS artists. I remember a Brit that my Peruvian spear fishing buddy, Adilio, and I once met. The Brit was going on and on about what a great skin diver he was. So we go out to Malibu with him and the moment he reached the kelp beds he went BERSERK. He started screaming and flailing away as we struggled to drag him back to shore where he explained to us that the inanimate kelp "were strangling me." Yeah, experienced skin diver my foot! Unfortunately we now have just such a BS artist in the White House as even the DUmmies are forced to admit in their THREAD, "SNL Mocks Obama For Doing Jack Squat." So let us now watch the DUmmies ponder Obama doing JACK SQUAT in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, hoping that SNL performer take a few minutes to try to sound even sound even remotely remotely like The One, is in the [barackets]:

SNL Mocks Obama For Doing Jack Squat

[Say goodbye to Bamster Mojo.]

I saw it last night. I was at 1st offended. Then I realized I had no arguments against it except for the fact that Obama has been President for less than a year. When he said the voters on the left are the ones who should really be angry (or words to that affect), I realized I was angry at Obama. But what have I done about it? What protest had I attended to show Obama where we stand? None, nadda, zip.

[So all you've done is JACK and SQUAT.]

Last time I checked we had huge majorities in both houses. "If not now , when?"

it would be nice if Armison would at least get the voice inflection right. His gestures and overall imitation of President Obama are not worth the time he gets to do this skit.

[I agree. How hard is it to pause every few seconds, say "Uh...uh..." and then proceed until the next stumble?]

It was great. And right on target. Obama has failed miserably.

[Epic fail.]

10 months out of 48 of his term and he has failed?

[It took Jimmy Carter twice as long to fail.]

We just have to be more patient. Year 2 is going to be great!

[Is that you, Pollyanna?]

Obama has continued bailouts and wars.....even cash for clunkers benefited people who bought those big SUVs.

[True story. On Friday I called a friend of mine who was a sales manager at a big auto dealership. Things slowed down so much post cash for clunkers that he had to quit his job and is now selling bonsai plants at a gas station.]

He propped up the bankers with our tax dollars by guaranteeing trillions in bad loans, while allowing them to shower themselves with princely bonuses. Doesn't that count for something?

[He parked it.]

The taxpayers are currently on the hook for $13 Trillion (one year's GDP!) that our government has put at risk guaranteeing rotten assets. That's above and beyond TARP and the "stimulus".

[Change we can believe in.]

Yeah, I didn't think the "Change we can believe in" slogan was a laugh riot either, but I guess the jokes on me!

[BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!]

I fear for the guy - but the skit is correct.

[He blew it.]

how about firing that guy and getting somebody who could do an Obama impression

Whistle past the graveyard at your own expense, DUers Because like it or not, this is the growing perception of Obama.

You can bury your head in the sand and make snide comments about the quality of the impression; you can decry what is presented here as "RW smears", but it doesn't matter one iota.

This is the perception most Americans have of Obama, and those Americans are not going to care about the "only 8 months" argument, nor will they give much of a hoot about the nuance of "he's working on it". Obama needs to stop worrying about pissing off the right-wing and push hard to keep the promises he made, or he is going to end up a one-term president.

[Hey, it only took Obama 4 months to pick out what dog to get for the White House.]

I mean I'd really like some glimmer of hope that this was largely parody and not accurate but once I realized the gist of the skit I realized it was sadly and pathetically true.

[Also hilariously true.]

I laughed at it at first, but it was mostly upsetting that SNL took such an obvious failure on the part of this administration and tried to make us laugh about it.

[Obvious Epic Fail.]

I have given support to obama time and time again, and so far he has done absolutely nothing but talk.

[The technical term for this is BS.]

has he given up on doing an Obama impression? sounds like he's talking in his normal voice.

[Yeah, what was with his laziness in not even attempting to try to do an Obama vocal impression?]

It appears as if Armisen didn't want to do the skit... that's the impression I got last night. Seemed like he wasn't using his Obama voice because his heart wasn't in the skit.

[If I put Armisen to work for just one day selling Bonsai plants at a gas station like my friend, that would sure motivate him to get the Bamster voice right. Shape up or ship out, Fred!]

Saturday, October 03, 2009

"Obama (That Bumblin' Clown)" Loses Olympics for Chicago

President Obama, I come from Chicago. I was born in Chicago. Chicago was where I grew up. Mr. President, you are not a Chicagoan.

Yes, it's true. I, Charles Henrickson, was born and raised in Chicago, in the city. I was that rarest of creatures there--a registered Republican. And I love my hometown. Even as I detest the corrupt Democratic machine that runs it. The Chicago I grew up in, the Chicago of Hizzoner da Mare, was corrupt, yes. But the Chicago of today, under da Mare's kid, Richie, is both corrupt and radically leftist, fostering the likes of an outsider community organizer named Barack Obama.

The Kenyan-Indonesian-Hawaiian is not a true Chicagoan. And he's not a very good pitchman, either. Competing to host the 2016 Olympics, Team Obama (Barry, Michelle, Oprah, and Richie) could not even muster a bronze medal, finishing fourth out of four to Tokyo, Madrid, and Rio de Janeiro.

What do the DUmmies have to say about the Denamrk Debacle? We'll find out, in this THREAD, "Chicago eliminated from 2016 Olympics bid."

But before we do, let's mount the podium and sing along, in honor of Team Obama's last-place finish:

Olympics are slim picks, when Barry's your shillYou do things like losing out to Brazil--stillHe had the task, Chicago to sellI had to laugh when he came with MichelleO Chicago, Obama--Obama sure let you down!

Now let's go to the DUmmieland venue, where the favorite event is Synchronized Swearing, and read the DUmmie comments, in Rationalization Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, native Chicagoan and the wag tailoring the doggerel, is in the [Barackets]:

Chicago eliminated from 2016 Olympics bid.

[The agony of defeat.]

Knocked out of the first round of voting

[Could not round up enough dead voters.]

At least Brazil will be saddled with the monetary problems, not the US.

[Let the rationalizations begin!]

Chicago would have become a living hell of Daley crony land-grabs

[So what would be different?]

Bread and Circuses are not really needed here.

[Graft and Patronage are!]

would any of the real problems of the city been dealt with till after 2016? At least now citizens of the city can ask real questions and hope they might be answered. If Chicago had gotten the games, everything would have been cheerfully ignored for the good of the games.

[See, Barack WANTED Chicago to lose! It's for the best!]

he can't compete with all those pretty ladies of carnival. He is cool. He is smart. He is charming. He is not a busty chorus line in nothing but feathers.

[Maybe if Oprah and Michelle had worn nothing but feathers, it would have helped. . . . Or not.]

In the eyes of the world America still has the stink of an unnecessary war, torture, and the instigation of a worldwide recession on it despite Obama's efforts to rebuild its image.

[Bush's fault! Of course!]

ESPN Radio didn't miss a beat. Colin Cowherd: "Rough month for Obama. First health care, now this." This must be why KO left sports broadcasting.

[Colin Cowherd is the Worst Person in the World.]

I'm sick to my stomach about it. . . .

[Barf Alert!]

Every other leader went. If he didn't Chicago would have lost for sure.

[Instead, with Obama leading the way, they came in last.]

Our Prez tried.

[Give him a ribbon for participation.]

one positive aspect to this lost bid. Americans are largely ignorant of the horrible time foreigners are given entering the U.S.

[Now we can be ready for all the foreigners who won't be entering here in 2016.]

I think this was a deserved rebuke. The President shouldn't have gotten involved.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

Way to go Obama. Another loss...a very avoidable one.

[It's a Troll Triathlon!]

Perhaps we are not so popular anymore? Even the world's best propagandists can't hide the disgusting truth about our criminal activities forever.

[Are you referring to the Daley Machine?]

There's nothing disgusting about the U.S. I love my country, and it is the best in the world. . . .

[From worst to first, in nine short months--thanx to Obamassiah!]

I'm amazed at how many thought Chicago was a foregone conclusion. Why? Because we're the United States, and everything is ours by right? Those days are gone.

Obama is not to blame for the IOC choice of Rio. . . . What Obama IS to blame for is acting like a Mayor instead of the POTUS, putting the personal prestige of the Presidency on the line without having sewn everything up in advance. His fault. Not Repugs, or RWers, or Beck, or Pelosi, or Reid, or any other scapegoats. HIS fault, for squandering political capital on a trivial matter. . . What will wavering Blue Dogs make of him now? Who will follow his lead and go out on a limb for him? And he has nobody to blame but himself. Olympic-sized fail.

Chicago's not all that. I mean, it's a nice city, has a lot going for it, but if Obama wasn't from there it would never have been as much in the running as it was. It's no Rio.

[Thanx to Obama--who, btw, is NOT "from there"--Chicago lost out to a city with an even WORSE crime rate!]

Now Obama can get back to promoting something that would REALLY benefit all Americans. . . .

[Like resigning?]

This Olympics nonsense is a dumb diversion. I voted for Obama hoping for health care reform and and end to the wars. In my book, he's zero for two.

[Zero possumus!]

It's time to let someone else have the limelight. Go Rio!!!!

[That's Rio de Janeiro, for those of you in Rio Linda.]

The latest incident of a gang violence in Chicago did not help the cause.

[THAT'S RACIST!]

It'd be nice to see it hosted South America for a change. Brazil or Rio either one would be historic for South America.

[Yep, Brazil or Rio, either one.]

I blame the racisim of the tea baggers.

[They would have thrown tea bags into the Chicago River and turned it black.]

So none of the steroids and the blood doping with be in the US? Sounds good to me.

[The Paucity of Dope.}

We're like a married couple that no one wants to visit because while one spouse is a nice likable person, the other is a rude obnoxious a-hole. They won't come here because they'd rather not have to deal with our right wing lunatics.

[Lock the Republicans in the attic, and maybe somebody will come and visit us.]

Obama is an idiot! . . . I see more and more tone deafness. The bailouts are the biggest ($$$$$!) example. He can't seem to communicate with ordinary people and convince them that the government is not going to take over their health care, unionize all doctors within the SEIU, and make all the decisions in DC. And now this. How DARE he squander political capital on something that was so iffy, so that he appears to be weak and incompetent!

{Sorry, rayofreason, one comment like this gets you a Kewpie Doll, but two make you a . . . LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

WTG Brazil!!

[A Brazil nut checks in.]

Ironically, only people who would have benefitted from the Chicago Games would have been Republicans. Or as they're otherwise known, Chicago's "Democratic Machine", a cesspool of corruption and cronyism. . . .

Ah, but do the wingnuts realize this?? Only a few days ago, this country WON the right to stage a major international sporting event. We're going to host the 2014 Gay Games right here in CLEVELAND!!!!!!

[WHOO-HOO!!! USA! USA! USA!]

And it's gonna be FABULOUS!!!!

[I can hardly wait for the Synchronized Swishing!]

I feel like i'm on crazy pills here. . . .

[Understandable.]

F*CK THE OLYMPICS!

[Coming to Cleveland, 2014.]

When it comes to selling America, the president is our greatest asset.

[Two letters too many there.]

International Sailing hates Lake Michigan. U.S. would dominate sailing events if they were on Lake Michigan.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

The DUmmies' new superhero: Alan "Dick" Grayson, aka "Robbin'"

The DUmmies have a new superhero! He is Alan "Dick" Grayson, aka "Robbin'." Forget Kookcinich, forget Daffy Dean! No, the Flavor of the Month for the Looney Left is this guy Grayson! What is his claim to fame? The new congresscritter from Florida recently said that Rethuglicans are "knuckle-dragging Neanderthals" who want sick people to "die quickly." Whoa! That kind of trash talk is right up the DUmmies' alley! But now, after the furor those comments have caused, now Grayson has said, "I apologize." And yet the DUmmies hail him all the more. What gives?

Let's find out, as we peruse the current "Greatest" THREAD in DUmmieland, "Grayson apologizes." The DUmmie swoonings are in Red Red Robbin' Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, dragging his knuckles from his keyboard into your home and heart, is in the [brackets]:

Grayson apologizes

[Oh, no! Not the Boy Wonder!]

. . . to those that have needlessly died for lack of healthcare.

[Whew! You had me worried there for a minute!]

U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson, under fire for his heated speech last night, took the House floor awhile ago and offered an apology. . . . "Last night, I gave a speech and . . . after that speech, several Republicans asked me to apologize. I would like to apologize. . . . I apologize to the dead and their families that we haven't voted sooner to end this holocaust in America."

[BAM! POW!! The old fake-apology trick!]

Rachel Maddow was right in that he went a little overboard in invoking the Holocaust.

[Rachel Maddow is a neo-con right-wing sellout.]

Alan Grayson represents the Orlando area, including Disney World and Epcot Center.

[He's known as the Kissimmee Ass.]

She and Keith were both overboard on criticizing him.

[Olbermann is the Worst Person in the World.]

It's a red herring

[The DUmmies are hard of herring.]

He only represents about half of Orlando.

[The stupid half.]

He only represents about half of Orlando.

[Tiny Orlando and DUm.]

Yes, only part of Orlando, but his district does include Disney World.

[It's a small world after all.]

Its pretty much shocking to see it... now lets re-fund ACORN.

[Let's DU it for the prostitutes and pimps!]

I am so tired of having a Super Majority and feeling like the other party actually has it.

[But now you have a Super HERO! Alan "Dick" Grayson, aka "Robbin'"!]

"F*ck me? F*CK ME?... NO, F*CK YOU!!!!"

[Somebody leaks a copy of Grayson's next speech.]

He really cowboy'd up! Good on him!

["Dick" Grayson is a Dulles Cowboy.]

I can't BELIEVE an elected official is telling this much truth, in such unapologetic language.

[Speak truth to power!]

Can we clone him?

[Send in the clones!]

Dibs on the first clone!

[Attack of the Clones!]

My heart skipped a beat when I read the thread title. Grayson is my new love.

[Calm down, benburch!]

Cheers, praise, and applause.

[Hooray for Grayson!!]

best apology ever. best f*ck you ever.

[Must feel good, but it won't get you your precious public option.]

I'm so happy, I'm practically in tears!

[You'll be crying for real when ObamaCare flops.]

I think I'm in love.

[SWOON!]

WOW! Awesome! I guess we have a new darling!

[Wait till you see "Dick" in tights and a codpiece!]

Far f*cking out....a Dem that speaks truth.

[To power. You left out the "to power" part.]

KABOOM!

[KAPOW!]

WELL SAID Rep. Grayson... WELL SAID!!!!

[Way to use your little Grayson cells!]

I just had a happygasm

[Also known as an Orlandogasm.]

This guy's a hero.

[A SUPER hero!]

It's been over 24 hours and he hasn't apologized yet?

[You need to wait 24 BUSINESS hours.]

Real men aren't jellyfish.

[Real men EAT jellyfish! For breakfast!]

Awesome! A spine and guts too!

[Grayson's Anatomy.]

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for republicans for being insufferably... pissy little small minded thin-skinned hypocrites so bent & twisted on 'winning' they'll eat their own vomit

[A new trend! It's called "pulling a Grayson."]

Go Grayson!

[And leave the driving to us!]

We need to start a campaign or petition of something that gets lots of press. . . . Petition? Anyone?????

[DUAC! DUAC!]

I will call his office in praise.

[Mmm, mmm, mm! Alan "Dick" Grayson!]

today let's put him on our shoulders and carry him through the cheering throngs!

[Hail the conquering hero!]

This man is my new hero! LOVE LOVE LOVE him!!!

[Is this DUmmieland or Tiger Beat?]

Could we clone his backbone and get the good Dr. Dean to prescribe implantation surgery?

About Me

I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
pjcomix@gmail.com. If you are anybody else, you can contact me there too. Remember, if you are a book publisher, please feel free to embarrass me with an extravagant book advance.