thank you everybody for everything.<br>i dont know what to do. a huge part of me just wants to curl up and go away. i want my baby back

cleaning out my old desk and found a cd that had a bunch of stuff on it and one of my old names and password was on it and it worked.. hopefuly i can find my first name that i used..
nick there is hope

thank you everybody for everything. moses craig barrus will be laid to rest in the morning. my husband built him the most wonderful caskit. he made it out of redwood that he got from his uncle.it all hurts so much.<br> i am like a walking zombie...<br>the doctor said that he was perfect and he didnt know why this had happenend. . there is no reason.. there was no warning signs.<br>we had one more day to go and we would have been 5 months pregnant i wish i could just float away

cleaning out my old desk and found a cd that had a bunch of stuff on it and one of my old names and password was on it and it worked.. hopefuly i can find my first name that i used..
nick there is hope

Dear Becky, this is just so terrible and unfair. I guess it must make it even more difficult to understand if there was nothing wrong with your son. I can't think what else to say and this is just so inadequate, other than that I'm thinking of you and wishing you and your husbund all the strength in the world to get through this together.<br><br>Alison

Dear Becky and dh<br>I am so sorry to hear about your loss of little boy, Moses. I lost my little boy Jack 7 weeks ago. He was a twin and born prematurely at 33 weeks when he went into foetal distress. He lived for 28 hours. I know how hard it is to accept and understand why such an awful thing happened and its particularly hard when they cannot give you an explanation. No one can answer why Jack went into foetal distress, there was nothing wrong with him in my tummy and he was a good weight when he was born. Life can be so cruel. Try and be strong and be there for each other - people say it gets easier with time. Thinking of you and your dh at this extermely difficult time.<br>Lots of love and cyber hugs<br>Louise XXX

Dear Becky and family,<br>I just wanted to add my deepest sympathy to you both. I can't believe that this has happened to you. i hope having a special place in your garden to visit will help the grieving process and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so sorry.<br>Adey

O becky<br>I just dont know what to say. You poor thing - I cant imagine what you must be going through. My deepest sympathy to you and your dh. <br><br>I read your post over the weekend at my Mums - but couldnt reply as not connected (went home to her after failed ICSI result on Thursday). <br>Was talking to her alot over the weekend about babies. She has had, a couple of miscarriages, 1 ectopic, 1 baby born handicapped, 1 baby born who died at 1 month. I asked her how she coped (on the basis of how bad I felt just not being about to conceive!), and she did admit that at times is was AWFUL - really indescribably awful- but she also said that she was AMAZED at , in the end, how resilient she was (and other women she met like her). She couldnt really explain it but she did say that bit by bit - you put yourself back together (with help - MAKE SURE YOU GET SOME HELP BECKY) and eventually you DO start to feel yourself again, and then inevitably something good happens to you. ...in the end she had me!! Seriously, after the baby died (2 years before I was born), the docs told my Mum that she should NEVER have more children, but she ignored them and went away and tried for another baby (intersting how the urge to have children doesnt go away even after all those bad experiences), and then in the end had a normal healthy baby, me! She had SUCH a high chance of not being able to conceive or of losing the baby (or herself) - but AMAZING things DO happen, even 30 years ago with not of the technology that we have now<br><br>So miracles DO happen Becky, we HAVE to belive that, I guess we have to go throught he rough to get to the smooth. Altho I think the "rough" is somewhat rougher for some than others.<br><br>Not sure if this helps - not sure if its too early to hear it - but have been thinking about you so much. It WILL come right for you Becky. Look after yourself, you know you have a someone "up there" keeping a special eye out for you now.<br><br>Will be thinking of you<br><br>Cazx

Becky - just read my message through - I'm not sure I came across as sensitively as I would have liked<br>I hope it doesnt seem as if I am trying to say you should be feeling better already - I dont meant that AT all. I guess its really just a few thoughts from the "otherside" of what you are going through, which must be indecribably painful and impossible , for now, to come to terms with<br><br>Anyway - hope SOME of what I've said helps a bit<br><br>Take care

thank you everyone for everything..<br> the doctor just called me and i have to go back and see him in the morning. he is worried about me still bleeding so much. i keep getting these big clots. and there are some real sharp pains. its like i am still in labor..<br>we did get moses baried. and it was really peaceful.. i keep wanting to go out there and wanting to get him out and hold him.....<br> i am sorry i am crying again.. i will try and finish this later..<br> love becky

cleaning out my old desk and found a cd that had a bunch of stuff on it and one of my old names and password was on it and it worked.. hopefuly i can find my first name that i used..
nick there is hope

My dear Becky<br><br>I've already responded to your e-mail but just wanted to say how utterly devesated I am for you. Words absolutely fail me ..... I hope that the brief time you and Moses had together will give you comfort, always.<br><br>Lots of love<br><br>Helenxx

went and seen the doctor. he said that i most likely have a compromised cervix..that has hit me hard..so even if we ever wanted to do ivf again, if we could ever come up with that much money again. we most likely stay pregnant...<br>it all hurts so bad.. my body is changing back and i dont want it to..it alsmost like i was never pregnant and there is such a huge empty space.

cleaning out my old desk and found a cd that had a bunch of stuff on it and one of my old names and password was on it and it worked.. hopefuly i can find my first name that i used..
nick there is hope