Tuesday, April 12, 2011

A weigh-in (Or Hide Thy Face In Shame, Woman)

No, I didn't go on vacation or get breast implants or start lifting weights or get pregnant or leave my shoes on during the weigh-in this morning.

But I did gain 4.2 pounds in one week.

Which? Is a rather impressive gain, particularly considering I was "good" Monday through most of Friday, and then KAPOW, the weekend was here and it was cheese for dinner and wine, wine, wine, and last night I ate a cheeseburger and shared a hot fudge sundae and also? I am supposed to start my period today so I suppose I could blame some of this on water retention. Which would be a pretty good excuse if last month on the day I started my period I hadn't recorded a 2.6 pound loss.

I weighed myself this morning and then I ate the rest of the cheeseburger for breakfast. This week is kind of a double whammy of negativity, with the weight gain and the period (meaning another unsuccessful month of trying to conceive).

But, I was just waiting for my period to start so I could begin the diet that will probably kill me. Because what I am planning next excludes the following foods:

All of this is effective the moment my period starts. Except if I go on vacation, which I may do at some point in the next month. And also except for one meal on April 30, because that is when I am going to eat tiny sandwiches and scones and drink tea while I watch recorded coverage of the royal wedding.

Also effective the moment my period starts is exercise, at least half an hour of it, every day, preferably vigorous.

Anyway. Because I gained 4.2 pounds this week, I now have to re-lose that weight, and then some, for a total of 40.8 pounds. What a freakin' bummer.

So, this week's item of clothing that I'm looking forward to fitting into eventually is my "More Cowbell" T-shirt. It's too tight, obviously. I just want to wear it to yoga. Is that too much to ask?

Okay. I hate giving this woman props because she is the most boring white person on the face of the planet with a SEVERE OCD problem but Kath Eats Real Food really helps show you how to eat well and healthfully without driving yourself crazy with cravings. I mean...if you can get through reading her stupid blog without throwing your laptop at the wall.