Thursday, October 30, 2008

many folks have asked me about my wedding dress. it is vintage from approximately 1927-1932. i found it at the vintage fashion expo when it came through santa monica. the vendor was called "the butler's cottage" and she was from the bay area. she had the most amazing collection of vintage wedding gowns at the expo! i think i tried on at least 20 dresses at her booth alone. judith butler, the proprietress, was so lovely and helpful. she was honest and kind and helped me find the perfect gown. it was actually a white vintage slip, with an ecru lace gown over the slip. i don't know if you can see the details, but the lace is so delicate and amazing.

if you are lucky enough to be in the bay area, or in a city where the vintage fashion expo passes through, definitely check her out.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

my friends are the most talented, lovely ladies. i was so blessed to have them all help with every wedding detail from cupcakes to tipping the valet. two of the girls from the bridal brigade both sang love songs for us. linda sang a beautiful operatic aria and romy sang "that's how strong my love is."

speaking of semantics, now that we are {legally} married, patty & i are having a hard time deciding what to call each other. she calls me "wife" most of the time, but what to call her? she doesn't really like to be called "wife," but then again, she prefers "husband," but it doesn't quite fit. the origin of the word "husband" is from the old english & old norse "husbonda," literally meaning "house-holder." so we could redefine the word to suit our needs. however, if i refer to her as my "husband" when she's not around, folks usually assume i'm married to a man, which i'm not. we both don't really love "partner," either, as it seems so, well, business like. what about spouse? that is gender-neutral, but awkward. do we come up with our own words? change the definition of the existing words?

gertrude and alice called each other "hubby" and "wifey," which i quite like.

with all the talk of the word "marriage," and whether or not we deserve it, what do we call each other now that we have it?

Monday, October 27, 2008

my health benefits are contingent on how many hours i work during a given period. this past year, i didn't work enough hours, so i lost my benefits for a few months. i just recently got them back, so i received the welcome packet in the mail. the last time i got the welcome packet, patty & i were merely domestic partners. i tried to add her to my health care benefits. here's what we had to provide:

- our certificate of domestic partnership

- proof that we have a shared bank account for at least one year

- proof that we share some sort of living arrangement (a lease or mortgage that is signed by BOTH of us)

- an affidavit that all the above is true that has been notarized

when i tried to add her, we didn't have the joint lease (patty was on it but i wasn't) so i couldn't add her to my health care. this time, now that we are MARRIED, here's what i had to provide:

- a marriage license

that's it. nothing else. just one copy. we didn't have to prove anything. so i made the copy & sent it off in the mail. done.

please don't tell me that domestic partners and marriage are the same.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

how cute are these? they are little snack packs that are made from hemp and reusable. what a great idea for edible favors. then folks can reuse the packs again and again after the wedding. love it. found at abeego on etsy.

while ours were much more simple than either of the above, i love what kate did. she found beautiful, green, lush pots of moss & placed them in the middle of the table. that was the centerpiece. nothing else. i loved how it looked--it was simple, green, lush and beautiful. and some folks took them home...the rest we planted in the garden.

i've seen this artist around the blog world, but i thought i'd share. her work is so sweet & inspiring. i love this one...it reminds me of what abe lincoln once said, "people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be." to me, that means i have a choice to be happy. and with all this crazy prop 8 back and forth--it's hard not to take it personally and feel the stress. so i'm going to be happy today. check out studio mela on etsy for more sweet art.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

since patty is the musician, she was in charge of the music. one thing that patty insisted on was the string quartet. we decided to spend some money there and forgo the dj. the string quartet was amazing...very traditional, but we made it our own. the leader of the quartet was a good friend's sister, so it was so comfortable and easy to work with her.

while the guests were being seated, they played traditional "wedding" classical music. during the processional, we asked them to play pachelbel's canon {very traditional, but we both love it}. then, when patty walked down the aisle, they played a string version of her favorite love song "tangerine" by led zeppelin! back to canon for the bridesmaids, then they played my favorite love song "wild horses" by the rolling stones. we saved the best for last: for the recessional we had them play "you shook me all night long" by ac/dc!

it was great to have the traditional strings play some of our favorite songs...the family appreciated the strings, while all our friends recognized the songs! it couldn't have been better.

this was probably our most fun, but most involved diy project--the cupcake tiers. we probably spent a total of 4 of the project brigade weekend afternoons working on them. we bought the plates from thrift stores, garage sales and some from ebay. the stemware all came from thrift stores {i tried to stay under 50 cents per glass!} and garage sales.

first we used a pencil to trace the glass on the plate. that way, we could make sure that the tiers lined up properly. then we put some epoxy on the glass and on the circle we had drawn on the plate, pressed together & voila.

we made some that were only one tier, and some that were up to four tiers. the result was magnificent. comment me if you want more details about the diy project.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

i had a sleepless night last night. i was up worrying--not about the usual finances, work or anything like that--but about what will happen if prop 8 passes! and i'm such an optimist! {patty calls me "pollyanna" most of the time!} but the thought of it really started to scare me a bit. not necessarily because of our wedding, but i got scared thinking about what might happen next. if a good citizen's rights can be taken away, what next? i understand the homophobia and the "religious" issues--fine, have your opinions about what other people should and shouldn't do. but the idea that some people out there don't support equal rights for all is just sickening. our country wages wars for freedom--yet we don't guarantee freedom for all our citizens.

Friday, October 17, 2008

with the upcoming election and the debate over prop 8, i've been thinking a lot about semantics. we were planning our wedding months before the historic supreme court decision that essentially made it legal for us to get married. what i am uncomfortable with is the term "gay marriage." we simply got married. we didn't get "civil unionized" or "domestic partnered," we got married and we happen to be gay. sometimes i feel that the "gay" in front of the wedding implies that we are "separate but equal."

i am guilty of the use myself--i've even "highlighted" gay wedding blogs versus just wedding blogs. it's a bit of a catch-22, i want the inclusion and the acceptance alongside any other wedded couple, but i still feel the need to single us out as "gay." part of me thinks it's about visibility--if we point and celebrate our "difference" {gay versus straight}, then the recognition and acceptance will follow. but inclusion without distinction is what we are after. isn't that what fighting prop 8 is all about? the right to have a wedding. plain and simple. so i guess i'll vacillate between the two--i'm proud that we had a wedding and we happen to be gay, but still feel that our wedding is no different than any other--it was a celebration of love in front of our community.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

this blog is new to me, but i love it! i just spent half my afternoon checking out this great blog: rock'n'roll bride. she finds the coolest most fun photos from some really awesome weddings...glad i found her, but wish i found her sooner! on her married me site, she has a discussion of favorite wedding day photos & has been posting on her blog! so fun. the photo from above is from a series featured on her blog--a magician and his assistant wife. i love the look of these photos.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

steady happy was a mantra i learned in yoga & it's something i like to apply to everyday married life & it's a mantra i often recited while wedding planning. it reminds me to stay calm, easy does it, remain positive, stay focused and do the footwork & let go of the results. i often recited this when i started to stress out about minor wedding details. it helps me remember what's important...so i've changed the blog name. not sure what that does to links to the old name, but hopefully you will find me.

it has been so much fun going through the photographer's photos. here are some details. we did end up going with the gold jordan almonds. we used recycled lace and ribbon to wrap them and then put them in people's drink glasses. to minimize washing & water resources, we encourage people to use the same glass all night, so we dropped the jordan almonds in the glasses. that's the only favor we had, i struggled with the idea of a favor, but decided to go with the jordan almonds since they are such a strong italian tradition...and it's not something wasteful since all the wrapping we used was recycled (i have so much vintage lace & ribbon for crafting, i just used that). plus it was a fun project. the lovely ladies linda and moore wrapped all the almonds during one of our project brigade afternoons.

even the little tags that i wrote names on were doubly-recycled. they were made from discarded file folders that were made from post consumer recycled content. and i found them on etsy.

the other signs were also recycled. i purchased ribbon from another vendor on etsy, blue bird lane & she used the large tags to wrap the ribbon. so i re-used those tags for the lettering.

we met with our AMAZING photographer, chris strother, last night & she brought us the most amazing photos. there are so many great ones, it's so hard to choose. at first, i didn't want to do the "traditional" family photos, but now that we did them, i'm grateful we took the time to do it. it's so rare that we have all the family together (minus a few) that it was really special to be able to have some photos of everyone together. i also love the different formats and mixture of black and white and color. the family photo in black and white looks vintage. i also love the holgas, the black and white one of me and patty is from the hoga camera. all of the holga photos are so beautiful and haunting. here are a few teaser photos, more to come.

Monday, October 6, 2008

we were planning our wedding before the supreme court decision, but of course we were pleasantly surprised when all of a sudden--we could get married legally! we are blessed that we were able to get married, but let's preserve that right for everyone. click here to take the pledge to vote no on prop 8!