Tuesday, January 21, 2014

love (hi)story

I wanted to write down this story for a long time you know... it’s just not an easy one to write - No that’s not true, it is because I remember every little detail of it. It’s just going to be difficult to make clear how I felt, how he made me feel during this story: my love (hi)story.

We met online and as we started to talk everything felt good. You know how it goes, you long to talk to each other, waiting for him to come online (and waiting for him to start the conversation, of course). We soon decided to meet ‘in real life’.. As I was waiting for him I wasn’t nervous, not even a bit. I was just so excited to see this guy. You know.. he called me right before I took the train -damn that voice, and that was enough for me not to get too nervous about it.

There he was, coming up the stairs. I saw him, he saw me and we smiled (because we knew?). Somewhere along this day we kissed, accidentally he said (I still don’t believe him, he just really really wanted to kiss me. for sure :) ).

From that moment we build our relationship. Three years of loving, sharing kisses back and forward, laughing (especially with my clumsiness) and being soul mates. I want to write down so much more because this seems like a normal ordinary love, but we all know our own love is different.

Of course, we had our struggles. That’s what got us apart. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but it was the best choice to make (at that time). The distance gave us the chance to grow, to become more of the persons we really are and wanted to be.

Now, one year and 5 months later, he is still my buddy, my best friend my go-to gal like he says (not sure what that really means, but it made me smile. He still makes me smile). In this time I had a few flirts, short love stories, but it never worked out. Now I know why.

To see him with another girl makes me both happy and sad. It makes me sad- it even hurts, and it doesn’t make it easier to breath. But it also makes me happy (at least a bit). I know he deserves somebody who makes him smile and although I know I can... there are a lot of things I can’t give him.

So I’m happy that his new girl can give him those things (at least I hope she can) and that she can make him smile the way I used to, because… damn that smile :)

I wish I could tell her to truly love him the way he deserves because from the moment he starts loving you your world will be upside down and you’ll wish you could love him even more.

So, be joyful, careful, be patient and thoughtful, be lovable.. and he will look at you the way he used to look at me. And I can tell you... that look makes it all worth it.

Don't decide for other people. Let them decide for themselves. You wanted him to happy, right? but what if he doesn't want to be happy without you? What if you're the only thing he needs to be happy. Tough times come in all relationships, but that doesn't mean you leave the person. You know better, obviously. But just telling my opinion. You should've stuck together. True love is hard to find.