I'm not a big birthday person. I mean, I'm grateful for another year, but I don't need big celebrations and declarations. Unlike years 35 and 36, this year I'm excited, but it's a simmering, calm excitement. I've decided that I want to live 37 a new and fearless way. I keep asking myself, "Girl, what would your life look like if you stopped being so damn afraid all of the time?" Being afraid is tiring - afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing, afraid of what my students and colleagues think of me, afraid of the feedback I'll get when I submit articles, blah, blah, blah. Whew! Enough.

My husband and I had a long talk about fearlessness the other night, and I tried to think back to the last time I felt like I was totally fearless. I was probably 10 - excelling academically, busy being the head of all kinds of little organizations, always trying to make my voice heard. Lately I've been trying to figure out when I strayed. This world can be hard, and somewhere along the way I lost my fearlessness. I have a girlfriend who's motto is "F@ck perfection." I think mine is going to be "F@ck fear." So in the spirit of f@cking fear, here are my hopes for 37:

May I continue to become more of myself. May I continue down the path of learning to say no. May I continue to cut all of the unnecessary apologies. May I be a better wife. May I continue to deepen my friendships and make space for new ones. May I become a better teacher, and strictly enforce my due dates. May I grow in wisdom and knowledge, keep on dodging gray hairs, and get carded occasionally to give my self-esteem a boost. And may I do all of this while realizing that a force so much greater than me is orchestrating it all. This life is divinely inspired; may I remember this when I feel fear creeping in. After all, He didn't give us the spirit of fear.

Y'all, 37 is about to be a big one. I'm bout to get it! Don't know what exactly "it" is yet, but I'm on a mission to find out. I believe God is about to get loose all over my life. I mean, look at 36. He loves to show out! I'm about to make my inner-10-year-old proud as I grow in fearlessness.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

I had the pleasure of watching Black Girls Rock after a busy day on Monday. I always enjoy the show, and I'm always impressed by how well put-together and entertaining it is. This year did not disappoint. While I enjoy the performances, I LOVE to watch the acceptance speeches. This year they honored a personal hero of mine, Marian Wright Edelman, and other amazing women such as Queen Latifah, Misty Copeland, and Venus Williams. However, my absolute favorite acceptance speech for the evening was from Ameena Matthews.

I've watched her acceptance speech at least five times, and my wonderful husband found it online so I could watch it whenever the spirit moves me.

Ameena is a community activist who has dedicated herself to minimizing violence in Chicago. I was first made aware of Ameena's amazing dedication and commitment to her work via the documentary The Interrupters. Check it out if you haven't seen it. Then, I was completely smitten with this sister when I saw her on the Colbert Report.

I told my husband that she's got "it," meaning, not only does she do commendable work, but she has a winning personality. She's charismatic. She draws people in.

I found so much inspiration in her acceptance speech. Check it out for yourself:

I love to witness people walking in their purpose, and purpose is all over Ameena. You can feel that she is convicted by her purpose. Her gratitude was palpable. I had a few big takeaways from her brief acceptance speech.

1. Be comfortable in your own skin and always know who you are. Ameena began by greeting the audience with "As-salamu alaykum" and acknowledging that she may not look like what is "mainstream." My favorite part of the speech, "Come on, Look at this gold tooth and this scarf!" Ameena was being raised up on a national stage for being just who she is. It's just enough, and it's just RIGHT!

3. You have to see yourself where you want to go. She reminded her daughter that they used to watch the show and said that they would get there one day. They spoke that thing into existence! She is Sojurner! She is Harriet! She IS Ameena Matthews!

4. Know that your life's work divinely inspired. I know that Ameena's is. She acknowledged it, and you could feel it. I was watching like, "Is this Musliminah about to start shouting?!?!" Ha! Go in, Sister Ameena! Let the spirit move you!

5. Honor your spouse. Ameena acknowledged that she draws strength from her husband. She said he saw her purpose, and he's a part of it.

6. Make a difference in this world. Ameena reminded all of us to reach out and pour into the life of a young person.

I just watched it again. I still have chills and goosebumps. Ameena, you absolutely rock! Keep doing God's work. Keep inspiring us all to do the same.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Haven't been blogging much, but I'm always thinking about how I'm going to carve out some time to get back to here. This is my favorite space on the web.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am as I negotiate my identities as a newlywed, professor, spiritual being, and so on. I started think about the things that make me, me. When I think of who I am, I think about . . .

Enjoying academia, but being grounded enough to know that it is a luxury and a blessing to be paid to write about your thoughts.

Extending love and goodwill toward others, but also knowing the power of getting someone together if needed.

Devouring hamachi maki sushi rolls, but still counting down until I can sink my teeth into some good old Frenchy's.

I'm all of these things. Responsible, yet sometimes frivolous. Knowing the value of saving a dollar, but sometimes saying "f*ck it" and buying the shoes. Loving to pour over academic journals, but sometimes saying "to hell with it" and seeing what shenanigans NeNe and the housewives are up to.

Isn't it wonderful learning to love all the parts of you? I almost titled this post "Contradictions," but then I realized that these things aren't. They only become contradictions when you try to live up to some invisible standard of what is "right" and "appropriate." And now that I think about it, I'm not even sure if "Double Life" is a fair title. These are all facets of me and my life, and they're all happening simultaneously. I'm blessed to have such a wide range of experiences and to share my life with so many people from so many different walks of life. All of these experiences make me exactly who I am, and I'm proud of it.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Gosh I miss blogging on a regular basis. Folks, I'm earning every dollar of my paycheck at the new gig. Life on the other side of the desk is NO JOKE. Anyway, I'm back today to talk about the things that I am loving at the moment. First, a little mood music, Lovin' It (so appropriately titled) by Little Brother:

I'm loving:

Gregory Porter's new album Liquid Spirit. Gosh, this guy can write a love song.

My new Stuart Weitzman heels that were a STEAL. Seriously, they were, like 85% off.

Yes! Now I just need somewhere to go!

Meeting all the new people at my job. In particular meeting some folks who have asked me to learn more about their work and how I could potentially be a part of it.

Tyson learning new commands. He now knows "Stairs," which is his cue to go sit on the 4th or 5th step while we enter the house and get settled. We adopted a doggy genius. And yes, he's still dancing, and yes it still tickles us.

Teaching classes that are fun yet challenging. I'm learning so much. I can't wait to reteach these two classes in the spring.

My haircut. Yup. Still love it. It's growing out a bit, but I have plans to keep it cut low.

Life is good. Hard, but good. I'm stressed out a fair amount of the time, yet I'm blessed beyond measure.

Until next time, share a little about what you're loving at the moment. I'd love to hear.

Friday, September 20, 2013

It was the end of class, and everyone was packing up and heading home.

Student: "Dr. TJ, do you mind if I talk to you for a few moments."

Me: (packing up to head home) "Sure. What's going on?"

Student: "I don't know if I'm cut out for this. Looking over all of the assignments for the semester is making me feel like maybe I shouldn't be doing this."

Wow. I had had an identical conversation with myself that morning. Feeling totally consumed by all of the work that was ahead of me - teaching, research, service, homelife, finances, health, etc., I just didn't know if I was prepared to take it all on. I was feeling inadequate, and in the moment above, so was my student. So there I was trying to encourage someone who was suffering from the same thing that I was.

So, I took a deep breath and reminded my student of a few things:

I wasn't asking my students to take on the whole semester at once. We were going to tackle the semester week by week, task by task.

They were capable of the work, especially because they were self aware and understood that there was so much to learn.

I wanted them to hang in there for just a semester before they proclaimed that they weren't "cut out" to be a teacher.

I asked them to be kind to themselves. Everything was new, so it was ok not to know things.

They agreed to take the semester moment-by-moment and not allow personal commitments, issues, and insecurity to talk them out of what they believed they really wanted to do.

As the student walked away, I realized that while I was talking to them, I was just as much talking to myself. I believe things happen for a reason, and I know this moment happened because I needed to say these things aloud -- for ME. The morning prior to this conversation had been tough; I had been having similar feelings as my student. But I dug deep, pushed through, and had a great class.

So like my student, I am figuring out how to be kind to myself. I'm new, so I won't have all of the answers. I'm committed to hanging in there and having a great semester. I will allow my self-awareness to help me make wise decisions as a professor and researcher. I will take the semester on class-by-class and task-by-task. I have the syllabus as a roadmap, so no need to spin myself into a panic.

I will conclude this post with an oldie-but-goodie gospel song: Encourage Yourself. Try it!

Until next time . . . I'll be prepping for class next week and taking this new endeavor moment by moment.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

So there's a lot happening over here - personally, professionally, emotionally, and spiritually. Life is changing and moving. While so many good things are happening, I'm feeling so overwhelmed that I'm afraid I sometimes can't keep up.

I decided to take a few moments away from working to do a little blog reading and came across this meditation on one of my favorite blogs, A Blog about Love. This blog is run by a husband and wife team whose mission, it seems, is to put lots of love, light and good energy into the air. I receive it, and I wanted to pass on a meditation that Mara (the wife) posted the other day.

I invite assistance from friends and loved ones - past, present & future - to lend me their support and their strength. I request assistance from the invisible forces all around me. And welcome their love and support.

More and more, I understand that my healing will happen in it's own way, and it's own time.

I see myself surrounded by the love and caring of those who have come before me - whose banner I carry now.

I know I am better and better able to accept how I feel - as my inner truth of the moment.

I know that the more I can acknowledge and accept how I feel - without criticism or blame - the more I allow myself to heal.

I am better and better able to be kind, gentle and appreciative toward myself.

I welcome my increasing ability to sense the assistance around me - guiding me back to my own strength, courage, and resourcefulness.

I know my heart will heal with the energy of it's own life force.

More and more, I can see and feel my own beauty, value and worth.

I am better and better able to define myself and value myself independent of the behavior of others.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

I hope everyone had a great, long weekend. I did! Here's a little little music to kick off my post. Today's post is all about fighting words, meaning quotes that are meant to encourage us to keep fighting for the things we believe in. Today's musical selection comes from a favorite group of the Hubs and me, Foreign Exchange. The song is called Fight for Love.

I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back and I'm ready to blog again! These past few weeks have been a whirlwind, but a good one. I've met my students, taught a couple of classes, and started to work toward my goals for the year. I've been enjoying life post-dissertation.

I figured I'd work my way slowly back into the habit of blogging. I have some posts in my cue that just aren't right, but I'll get them there. So much has been happening - March on Washington (Hubs and I attended), MTV's Twerkgate, an awful Harriet Tubman spoof video, Syria, etc., and I have opinions about all of these things. Some of them I'll share; I just want to let my thoughts cook a little while longer.

So instead of kicking off my re-entry to the blogosphere with a heavy post, I'd like to start with sharing some more of my favorite quotes. Folks seemed to enjoy my quote post a few months ago, and I promised to share more of them, so here we go! Here are some quotes to keep us fighting the good fight!

On academia, because I need to keep fighting to bring my ideas to the world:

". . . there's so much extraordinary, fascinating
brilliant stuff going on in the academic world that never sees the light of
day, that's reserved for this very small select audience, and I think that's a
shame. In the process of doing that, do I have to simplify the ideas? Yes, I
have to. That's how you bring it to a wider audience -- you have to make some
sacrifices along the way." ~ Malcolm Gladwell

"Make it hot enough so they’ll want to taste the soup." ~ former professor, Dr.
Hughes

On love & marriage, because love is ABSOLUTELY worth fighting for:

Sometimes I break. He doesn’t try to put the pieces back together. He helps me find some glue. ~ Unknown

“The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.” ~ Sahaj Kohli

The finality of marriage isn't about changing the relationship; it's about fulfilling it. Marriage is the ultimate realization of a relationship that constantly grows and evolves with the couple. ~Unknown

"You know, you can be
an adult without being married, but you can't be married and not be an
adult." ~ Unknown, but I sure wish I knew who said this!

On wellness, because it's important to fight to be your best spiritually, mentally, and physically:

"You can
like the life you're living. You can live the life you like..." ~ Chicago

"We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest." ~ The Prayer of Oscar Romero