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Topic: Could I be infected? (Read 7196 times)

So, I was stupid and friendly. I got drunk (at least tipsy), went to a gay bar with the only friends I have for 2,000 miles around (just moved here, was only introduced to two gay guys - I'm straight) and this was the second or third time I'd gone, simply for socialization as I really don't know anyone.

Well, I drink a bit, and decide to go to a party at this girl's house who was there with this one guy who was nice. Anyway, after we are done there, he had left his car at my place, we go back. He asks if he can sober up for a bit. I'm drunk, say sure. Talk about the girl I miss from back home, and fall asleep. I'm not super intoxicated at this point, as I was safe and legal to drive home. I didn't pass out, only fell asleep for about three hours. Well, I woke up the next morning, and he's spooning me, his pants are off (boxers on), and my butt felt sore (and has since that day, it's almost Thursday now, and that was Saturday night/Sunday morning - which maybe means I'm imagining it?)

Anyway, I also saw he had opened up a bottle of lotion I had, and I thought perhaps he may have done something to me.

Anyway, I've felt sick for the past day or so, and I'm worried that this is maybe this is the acute syndrome that HIV causes? I mean, I am probably being paranoid here, but I'm almost never a risky person, and the fact that this happened, when all I was trying to do was make sure someone could sober up a bit before driving home - it just seems like not a good situation.

You would have had to have been pretty much comatose - and I mean that seriously, not just an exaggeration - in order for him to enter you anally and not wake you up. Someone who was aware enough to not only talk about the girl back home but to also remember doing so the next day was hardly comatose. He had boxers on, but what about you? I somehow doubt that you would have stripped off before going to sleep with a stranger in your house.

Sore butt? Most likely coincidence. Coincidences happen.

What concerns me about your post more is your statement that you're "almost never a risky person", which I naturally take to mean you don't always use condoms for intercourse. Condoms must be used 100% of the time, and used correctly in order to be effective. If you've ever had unprotected intercourse you need to be tested anyway. And by the way, people are not risky, but some activities ARE.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I've had unprotected sex outside of a monogamous relationship once in my life. I don't like condoms, but I absolutely use them every time I engage in sex outside of a committed monogamous relationship - which has occurred twice. The risky behaviors I was talking about were falling asleep with an acquaintance was in my home.

No, I had boxers on only too. I probably intended to lay down, and figured he'd leave. I'm very comfortable around people and tend to assume that people are good. And I am thinking that I would probably have to be nearly comatose too, but I don't know really. I've only been drinking alcohol for about 5 months (I started at the age of 23 - as I said, I don't really engage in many risky behaviors) and not that much of it at that, so I don't really know the effects fully, and how unconscious it can make you. I know I am a deep sleeper.

I know I'm probably being paranoid here, but I'm a very careful person, and if there is any possibility of risk, I've heard that it is best to catch it as early as possible so I am attempting to ascertain whether I have sufficient risk to take the time and expense to get tested (I've not really been very sexually active for the past year and a half. One sexual partner, and an oral sex partner, as well as some heavy petting) and my only worry is that I don't really know what happened. And it is absolutely 100% possible that my pain is coincidence. I considered that at the time, and think it's still very possible now. But I am worried about the possibility of it not being coincidence, especially with him in his boxers and with the lotion unscrewed. I'm sorry if I sound silly, I'm just trying to keep myself as informed and safe as possible. And I really have no idea how I would feel after receptive sex, as I'm straight.

So I apologize if this is a silly concern or wastes all of your time - it must be very precious to all of you. But any knowledge or reassurance or advice you have is absolutely useful to me. I'm especially friendly to the LGBT community, and I know how strongly HIV/AIDs has affected that demographic (though from what I've been reading of the stories on the site, Ann, you are hetero-identifying)

Anyway. Thanks and any more advice or knowledge is appreciated by anyone.

He could not have penetrated you through your boxers. Yes, I think you're being very paranoid. Even if he tried to go up through a leg of the boxers, it would be very difficult. You seem to be worried about the lotion - maybe he has dry skin, maybe he used it as lube for masturbation before he went to sleep. If he used it as lube to get into you, there would have been evidence of it on your boxers. Even if he didn't use it as lube, there would still likely be evidence of sexual activity on your boxers.

Have you ever been penetrated anally? I have. It's not something you'd sleep through, especially if you've never had it that way before. You remembered what you did and said before you went to sleep, so take it from a seasoned drinker that you weren't so drunk that anal intercourse without your consent wouldn't have woken you up.

The bottom line here is that you have to do what makes you happy. While I think you're being paranoid, if you feel the need to test over this, then test. You need to test anyway because you've had unprotected intercourse in the past. As I said above, any sexually active adult should be getting regular routine hiv tests anyway. It's a good habit to get into.

If you test over this specific incident, the earliest you should test is six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. Where there has actually been a risk (and I REALLY don't think you've had one) a six week negative must be confirmed at the three month point.

If you test (and you should) over the unprotected intercourse you've had in the past, as long as the last incident was three months or more ago, you can test at any time.

Oh, and by the way, I'm bi with slightly more hetro leanings. Call it 60/40. I'm very versatile.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I was thinking perhaps he pulled off my boxers partially. I don't know.

It does sound somewhat silly. I'm usually not THIS big of a worrier, just the pain combined with the fact that a strange man was spooning me in his boxers, with lotion unscrewed after I had been drinking (I do think I may have found a semen stain on the other side of my bed where he was lying. If that's the case, eww for having a guy masturbate on my bed, but not anywhere near so bad as being anally raped!) really made me worried. Add feeling ill a few days after, and my reading up on seroconversion (after I felt ill), and I just got somewhat worried.

I'm fine with getting an STD test and should anyway. I don't feel I'm in significant risk from past experiences (except a little bit this one and a VERY tiny bit with the woman once - it wasn't exactly a one night stand, we were close friends and basically dated), but it has been a few years since my last test and it is always possible a partner cheated. I'll talk to a clinic in the next few days, and ask them their opinion, but I'll probably wait the six weeks before testing, just for peace of mind over this.

I've re-read all your posts and there are some additional things I'd like to say to you.

Quote

I'm not super intoxicated at this point, as I was safe and legal to drive home.

If you were safe and legal to drive home, there's absolutely NO way you were so drunk that you would have slept through being anally penetrated. I also noticed on re-reading that you said you don't know how it would feel after receptive sex, which means you don't know how it would feel to have receptive sex in the first place. Take it from me, your first receptive anal experience is not one you're going to forget and you're not going to sleep through. You also mentioned that you're a deep sleeper, but do you sleep so deeply that a hard slap in the face wouldn't wake you? Do you sleep so deeply that someone could pinch a bit of the skin and muscle on your butt and twist it and you wouldn't wake up? There's no way you would have slept through being anally penetrated.

Quote

I'm especially friendly to the LGBT community, and I know how strongly HIV/AIDs has affected that demographic (though from what I've been reading of the stories on the site, Ann, you are hetero-identifying)

On re-reading the above quote, I realised you were expressing surprise that a hetero-identifying woman would be hiv positive. (and fyi, the lesbian demographic is one group that is the least affected by the pandemic)

Are you aware that world-wide, there are more women living with hiv than men? Sure, in the States, gay men have been the hardest hit, but more and more women in industrialised countries are becoming infected. I know, I'm one of them and the man from whom I acquired my virus is 100% hetero. This is why I urge you to test over the unprotected intercourse you've had in the past. Hiv is just a virus, and all it takes for the virus to invade YOU is unprotected intercourse, and it doesn't matter who you have it with.

You have to stop thinking in terms of people being risky. They're not. Sometimes their activities are risky. Sexually speaking, the only true risks are unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You haven't had anal intercourse, so that leaves the unprotected vaginal intercourse you've had. You might be thinking to yourself that there's no way you could have gotten hiv from a woman, but think again. Chances are very good that you haven't, as hiv is more difficult to transmit from a woman to a man, but it can and does happen. The only way for you to accurately know your hiv status is to bite the bullet and test. From everything you mentioned, I fully expect the result to be negative but the ONLY way to actually KNOW your status is through testing.

If you feel the need to wait six weeks for peace of mind, then that's what you need to do.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I did not know that the numbers of women outnumbered men. I did know it was more prevalent among heterosexuals worldwide (though not in my specific region).

And as I said, I will get tested. I will wait, for peace of mind re the other (admittedly highly unlikely) possible incident. I felt that the woman with whom I had the sex with that was unprotected was rather safe. Especially as actual contact was exceedingly brief. It was more of an accident when we were doing other things. And she has had very few sexual partners, and only in relationships and hadn't for over a year.

That being said, it doesn't mean it isn't possible, and I will get tested.

I felt that the woman with whom I had the sex with that was unprotected was rather safe.

Once again, PEOPLE are not safe or risky. ACTIVITIES are are safe or risky. If you carry on with the mindset that you can tell a person's hiv status by how they look, where they live, what job they do, or what you THINK you know about their sexual history, then you just might find yourself infected with hiv - or some other STI - one day. You need to use condoms every time, no exceptions, until you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you've both tested negative TOGETHER.

You would probably call me a "risky person" because I'm hiv positive. I'm NOT. I was with a negative man for over eight years and he remained hiv negative because we did not engage in risky or unsafe BEHAVIOUR. It's what you do, not who you do that matters.

As I said earlier, given what you've told us, I do expect you to test negative. HOWEVER, it's your mindset about people being safe or risky that worries me. It's time to re-order your thinking about this.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Trust me Ann - I agree with you entirely. It was a big mistake on my part. It was the only time I've done it and I have not done it since, nor do I intend to. And I know the sexual history of the person very well. There was a period I trusted them entirely and they were my best friend/quasi-partner. But again. I agree with you, it was a risky activity and a mistake on my part. And it was the only, singular time I have ever engaged in such an act and the only, singular time I intend to. I've been sexually active for something like seven years now, and this is my only trip-up, thus far and it was some time ago. But again, I'm not disagreeing with you. It was risky.

Also now that I'm here anyway, I might as well ask the question - how do you bring up HIV testing to a friend in a supportive manner? A friend of mine is engaging in extremely risky behaviors (multiple sex partners, barebacking, last count he told me was ninety-six partners, and I'm sure he's had more since then) - like, how exactly do I bring that up? I know this isn't exactly the place to ask that, but I'm not allowed to post elsewhere, and I am somewhat concerned about my friend as well. I mean, it is possible that he's being extremely safe and using a condom every time, but I don't believe that this is necessarily the case.

On one hand you say your friend is engaging in risky behaviours and you list barebacking, then on the other hand, you say you don't know if he's using condoms. Which is it?

Having multiple sex partners in itself is not a risk for hiv infection. A person can have as many sex partners as they wish - as long as condoms are being used for intercourse consistently and correctly.

I tell people to get tested all the time - and I don't mean just here on the forum. I'm very out about my hiv status in my small, close-knit community and I often have the opportunity to talk to people about the importance of testing. It's easy because for me, hiv isn't a taboo subject and I'm not ashamed of my positive status. I usually carry condoms with me to the pub and hand them out to the young adults I know who are out to pick someone up for the night. It's frightening how often they don't have their own.

I do understand how you might be a bit more... squeemish... about bringing up the subject. Perhaps you could confide in him that you intend to test because you've had unprotected intercourse in the past (calling it barebacking might be easier) and you would like him to go along with you for moral support. You can use that as an ice-breaker and you're initially putting him in the supportive role. This might stop him from becoming defensive. You can then ask him if he's ever tested, if so, what's it like, and is it time for him to test again?

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I meant that I am relatively sure that he has engaged in unprotected sex before. But I'm not SURE of it. He doesn't seem concerned at all about STDs or potential issues.

And saying that I am going to get it done and having him come with may not be the worst idea.

And I'm not sure that the term barebacking works re: heterosexual sex? Regardless. I think the idea of telling him I am getting tested and getting him (and maybe his roommate too) to test at the same time may be a good idea.

So I posted here like 6-8 months ago, but this isn't about that time. I was 100% negative when tested back in December, and see no issues there.

However, I recently had sex with an individual I barely knew and met online (yea, I know, stupid as hell). We had two sex sessions, approximately a day or two apart (Monday and Wednesday this past week), where we engaged in intercourse numerous times. A condom was used every time, though I don't know how well it stayed on.

Anyway, I've come down with bumps all over the shaft of my penis, which I BELIEVE is genital warts. Which leads me to believe I wasn't 100% protected during intercourse.

This, combined with the fact that she mentioned afterwards that she has engaged in heroin use (she says she smoked it, but did not deny having used injection drugs) worries me. It is approximately 6 days after initial sexual contact, and approximately 4 days after last sexual contact. I currently have a sore throat, white stuff all over my tongue, and I'm feeling tired, and I have a bit of a headache. I recently got over a cold or flu or other infection recently, and this isn't like that, so I wouldn't think they're related.

Do I have any chance to be infected? Did the condom fail and I didn't know it? At one point she did use her vaginal secretions to touch my penis, which I wasn't very happy about.

She is getting tested for everything tomorrow. I want to know what I should do. Her last STD test was back in May.

■Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.■If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

Yes, that is the rule as is explained in the Welcome thread which opens this section. I've merged your threads. Keep all of your entries in this same thread.

From what you have reported you had protected intercourse. If the condoms had come off that would have been apparent. Other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV. Someone else's test results are not the way ever to know about your status. Since you are sexually active and I don't know when you last had them done, it seems a good idea to get a full panel done at this point. As far as HIV is concerned I don't see any cause for concern.

None of the other symptoms which are concerning you are HIV-specific. Discuss them with your doctor. I don't see yours as being an HIV situation at this point.

Yes, I intend to get a full panel soon. I got an HIV and Hep test back in 12/09, and both were negative. What about the vaginal fluid she used briefly, before I stopped her? Would that have a high rate of infection?

Yes, I intend to get a full panel soon. I got an HIV and Hep test back in 12/09, and both were negative. What about the vaginal fluid she used briefly, before I stopped her? Would that have a high rate of infection?

And thank you for addressing my concerns.

The vaginal fluid you refer to is most likely secretions from Bartholin's Glands, which are found at the opening of the vagina. Such secretions are no more dangerous HIV-wise than tears or sweat.

The female sexual fluids which contain high concentrations of the virus in HIV positive women are found around the cervix, which is at the other end of the vaginal canal.

I do feel nervous for the girl though, she's all nervous because I got warts (seemingly) that she might be dirty. Luckily, it is causing her to get tested.

Thanks you guys for all the advice so far. You are really knowledgeable and helpful. Hopefully, one day, this condition won't exist anymore and a place like this won't be necessary. But for now, you guys do a great job!

I do feel nervous for the girl though, she's all nervous because I got warts (seemingly) that she might be dirty. Luckily, it is causing her to get tested.

Thanks you guys for all the advice so far. You are really knowledgeable and helpful. Hopefully, one day, this condition won't exist anymore and a place like this won't be necessary. But for now, you guys do a great job!

Hey Jake,

Do us one favour. Please don't use terms like "dirty" or "clean" when talking about HIV status or sexual health in general. I have HIV and I find the use of such terminology rather insulting.

I'm sure you didn't mean to be offensive but it would be appreciated if you were more thoughtful in the future.

My apologies! I meant to write that she feels that SHE would be "dirty" in such a situation. That is her specific fear/nervousness. I.e., she will feel dirty.

I did not mean to imply that people with HIV, or STDs in general were "dirty".

Sorry, rereading my statement I agree it comes off that way. Absolutely no offense intended, it was really crass of me to write that.

Also, not to change the subject, but Wikipedia seems to suggest that very little of the mucus (one to two drops) comes from the glands you mentioned. While I'm not implying I have HIV based on that, my fear is a little less alleviated :/

My apologies! I meant to write that she feels that SHE would be "dirty" in such a situation. That is her specific fear/nervousness. I.e., she will feel dirty.

I did not mean to imply that people with HIV, or STDs in general were "dirty".

Sorry, rereading my statement I agree it comes off that way. Absolutely no offense intended, it was really crass of me to write that.

Also, not to change the subject, but Wikipedia seems to suggest that very little of the mucus (one to two drops) comes from the glands you mentioned. While I'm not implying I have HIV based on that, my fear is a little less alleviated :/

Wikipedia is bullshit. Why I could toddle across there now and edit that page to reflect whatever I want it to.

Whether you believe AIDSmeds or Wikipedia is a matter for you. Perhaps your time would be better spent doing something other than trawling the internet for information.

I merely like to confirm or disconfirm information I'm given, and I find Wikipedia to be a reliable resource on non-controversial topics. But that's irrelevant.

Should I go get tested? My last HIV test was back in December, and I was negative. I'm merely worried that she's used heroin and there may have been the potential for exposure due to improper use of condoms or whatever, as well as the fluid. And of course the appearance of the warts (I know they're unrelated, but it makes me worry for the potential for exposure for HIV, especially as they're on the shaft)

I probably will, even though the probability is low. It's always good to have an HIV test every now and again, and it has been about 5-6 months. That's a little more frequently than you should usually get them, but I'll probably just ask for a full STD panel, considering the current condition I have.

Actually, I'm not really much of a drinker anymore. I'm 24, but I started about a year ago, and experimented with it a bit.

The novelty wore off and while I do it every now and again, it's not something I do to any sort of excess, or in anyway frequently. The incident in question with this girl didn't involve drinking whatsoever.

As figured, I was negative (Ouch, that finger prick hurts when they have to massage it for blood! OUCH!), still have yet to do the full panel yet, though for all STDs, but that's not relevant to here. Thanks again, and sorry for being such a worry-wart.