Saturday, 3 August 2013

Aldi Antics

Every couple of weeks, my elderly friend Pauline and I hit the Aldi supermarket in Luton. Pauline lives in a sheltered council housing complex close to my house. I first met her when I started fighting to save our ex-allotments from being sold off by the council and over the years I have been campaigning, I've got to know her and the other residents quite well. Pauline is in her late 70's I think; some of the others are considerably older. They are a very feisty lot and there is always some feud or other taking place. Bins, parking and wind chimes feature a lot.

Pauline is an endless source of entertainment, if you don't weaken. Despite being just under five foot in height, she used to deliver motor caravans all over the UK and abroad; now she drives her little Honda Jazz in exactly the same way: fast and taking no prisoners so we arrive at Aldi with my knuckles white and my right leg stiff from imaginary braking. That's not even taking into account the swearing at other drivers, especially other drivers who don't go fast enough for her liking. 'Shouldn't be driving at her age, stupid old sod,' she grumbles, as we overtake some innocent pensioner pootling along well within the speed limit. She swears at ambulances too, mainly because she's been in enough of them in her life.

Then there's the pigeon conspiracy. I have explained many times that pigeons don't actually hang about in trees waiting for Pauline to drive by just so they can fly across her bonnet and make her jump. She disagrees. I would offer to drive, but I don't because she loves driving and it would spoil her fun so I just sit and grip the sides of the passenger seat and age silently. In between swearing at things, Pauline tells me amazing stories about growing up in the 40's and 50's - like when you went to the pictures, you could barely see the screen for all the cigarette smoke, and how she got out of bed and walked out of the hospital a couple of hours after giving birth to her fourth child because she decided she was fed up and wanted to go home.

When we get to Aldi, Pauline and I don't just shop. Pauline likes to browse, to peruse, to comment upon and critique the items on display. It takes ages and frequently we draw a crowd. My role is to get things off the top shelf for her, but if I am not fast enough, Pauline will reach up with her stick and knock the item off herself. This usually means we end up being followed round the store by some hapless member of staff who has been detailed to keep an eye on her. Funnily enough we never get told off because Pauline can do 'sweet little old lady' to industrial strength. It's an act, and we both know it is, but it never fails to work.

Pauline adores animals. She has had cats all her life - she gets them from the Cat Rescue and she also feeds the local wildlife along with any passing strays that turn up, much to the chagrin of her immediate neighbours, who have to put up with peanut shells on the communal lawn and foxes fighting in the small hours. Every afternoon, she makes sandwiches to put out, and cooks chicken pieces. Okay, it is wildly eccentric, but it was through Pauline that I learned we had badgers living in the area, and I have sat up through the night with her and watched a family of foxes with two tiny cubs enjoying her largesse.

Along with all the residents, Pauline has a quirky out-of-the box way of thinking, which is why I like her so much and why I look forward our visits to Aldi. Once I recall turning up at her flat with a very swollen foot, having fallen downstairs and twisted it. Pauline took one look, then headed straight to the ''pill cupboard'' where she keeps the enormous stash of drugs that supposedly keep her going. Rummaging around, she emerged finally with a small white box which she handed it to me.

She's the archetypal 'woman who wears purple' - and don't we all hope that age sees us simply eccentric and not frail and dribbling into our cocoa.

And full marks to Aldi for looking out for her - maybe most towns have their share of unusual people. Some years ago we had an elderly woman with incontinence problems who was banned from Waitrose when she wet herself. There was an outcry - we can manage a little wee, said the town. And we can!

I was VERY tempted...but then I already have most of Pauline's stash of co-codomol for when I have enough of everything, so didn't want to rob her of any more drugs!!! And the cat's leg was an ulcer, not the result of falling downstairs.

Oh please bring her over when you come and visit! I love her already! People with that kind of spunk are soul food for me, probably because I don't have it! I'd love to go to the Aldi with you too, Carol! I reckon you're probably a good match for Pauline. Keep watching and learning :)

I'm crying with laughter Carol.I have went from having the elderly in my life to having toddlers but I do miss the laughs I used to have with my mum inlaw and my own mum. How lovely for her to have you go with her and listen to her stories,I hope I have a Carol in my life when I'm old and grey.

I did this blog for Lynn Gerrard, who is always pestering me to write about Pauline... I read it out to Pauline over the phone , of course...she immediately reminded me of even more stuff we get up to.... Blog 2, i think...

another brilliant post Carol, just love reading about your antics.I have a confession to make... I am becoming a 'Pauline' and I love it. Before, when I misbehaved in a supermarket, I was instantly berated and made to feel like a naughty child. But now I am nearly seventy, something wonderful is happening. My family simply smile, a little half heartedly I must admit, but I am getting away with murder!

Why do I get the feeling that Pauline will outlive all of us? I have this vision of a very stooped, very wrinkled 150 year old woman perched atop a pile of pillows as she zooms down the road absorbing all the years she scares off of everyone else!

great post. You would both definitely liven up my Aldi. Baby Antonia snoozes round most of it. Were the Aldi staff hovering in a helpful way, or as in a 'check she doesn't wreck the joint' kind of way?! I'd love to see Pauline when you get to the checkout and they don't have enough tills open!

Haha. Pauline always chats to the person behind her at the checkout and comments on their shopping. Once,someone piled all their stuff back into their trolley and wheeled it off. 'Why did they do that?' I asked..I was unloading my trolley onto the checkout and didn't notice. 'Dunno,' Pauline said, looking horribly innocent, 'but she had very stupid shopping.'

I LOVE Pauline! I wish I lived nearby, I'd love to see her knock the shopping off the top shelf. (That's a trick I'll be remembering for my later years!) She's certainly a character and I bet the pair of you cause a right stir : )

She feeds whatever turns up. Foxes, badgers, cats. To an extent I agree, but Pauline gets such pleasure out of the animals that I'd be loth to deprive her of it. And it's not as if she asks them in....

What a great character and wonderful lady Pauline is. Wish my visits to Aldi were as exciting! The thing I lkie about Aldi is the baskets of goodies they have filled with all sorts of useful things and it changes every week.

Oh Carol you have made me howl with laughter this afternoon. What fun there is to be had when we reach retirement age and beyond!

My friends elderly father (90's) refuses to wear a belt, or braces, and consequently is often seen hobbling around the village on his walking stick, with his trousers around his ankles! Does he care? Not one iota!

Growing old disgracefully is something a lot of folk seem to be adopting as their motto these days. And why not...

Ha ha ha... Love it! That would certainly make a trip to the supermarket worthwhile! I have to disagree with you about the pigeons. They certainly do conspire to hang around and crap on your car. She sounds like a real character and well worth knowing. Well, a drug is a drug, I suppose...

So glad you put this up on #wwwblogs today. My father still talks about the pigeon that ruined his date in college - he had borrowed a convertible, and the results were....embarrassing. I hope I can have the level of spunk Pauline has when I'm her age. And a friend who is willing to accompany me to Aldi.

About Me

Follow by Email

Amazon Author Page

Buy any of my books by clicking on the individual covers below, or visit my Amazon Author Page(click image)

Fear&Phantoms

'This exciting tale can be read as a stand-alone or as an introduction to the wonderful series.'

Diamonds&Dust

Crime Writers Association 2014 Award Entry. 'Diamonds and Dust showcases brilliant writing, unforgettable characters, gripping suspense, and a serpentine plot that winds to vertiginous heights in London’s nighttime miasma of danger and evil. Not even Queen Victoria makes a safe escape from the history and heartbreak when opulence collides with greed in 1860 London.'

Honour&Obey

'A Delicious Feast of Victorian Delights: a novel full of tricksters, murders, lies and intrigue. I challenge you to be able to put it down once you start reading. Carol Hedges has again delivered a book which is written to be devoured in one sitting.'

Death&Dominion

'A work of Art :I read some passages several times to enjoy them all over again, there's not one single boring bit. It's so well researched, too; I wonder if Ms Hedges actually time-travelled to discover those dark, dangerous alleyways herself! Best way to read it? Sitting up in bed with lots of pillows, in a warm room with coffee, tea and possibly cakes.'

Rack&Ruin

'What a pleasure! An interesting crime story. No gore, just the underlying violence of London in 1863. Interesting and believable characters.'.

Wonders & Wickedness

'Carol Hedges, in her wonderful Victorian Detective series, channels the most Dickensian of tropes without the overly sentimental, I-get-paid-by-the-word-so-I-never-use-one-where-six-would-do Dickensian mush.'