Tweak your approach to avoid these common pitfalls

When it comes to professional communication, there's a lot of bogus
science out there. And unless you're a trained scientist, it can be hard
to know what to believe and what to dismiss.

According to Elizabeth Stokoe, Ph.D., a professor of social interaction
at Loughborough University in the UK, there are a few huge
misconceptions that steer people wrong when they're interacting with
clients and coworkers.

Stokoe developed the Conversation Analytic Role-Play Method (CARM), a
technique for communication training, and has spent years analyzing
everything from sales calls to dialogue between romantic partners.

We reached out to her to learn more about the myths she most often encounters and what the research shows you should do instead.

Myth #1: You should use your conversation partner's name a lot.
Many people believe it's important to continually address your partner
by name, Stokoe said. But doing so can sound unnatural and a little
unnerving.

In face-to-face or phone conversations, using your partner's name acts
as a "summons," she said. "You know it's probably going to be a
complaint or the start of an argument. It doesn't really build rapport —
it just puts people on their guard because they're expecting they're
going to be admonished or there's going to be an argument."

Myth #2: Body language reveals what speech hides.
"When people think about body language, what they tend to think of is
something that is lying behind words, that is giving away what you
really think," said Stokoe.

Yet Stokoe said the idea that body language reveals what language hides
is often speculative and not based on real interaction. In a
face-to-face interaction, she said, "what people do with their bodies
goes along with talk. If I scratch my nose, it's not because I'm lying."

Myth #3: Silence means someone is thinking.
"People who don't study interaction tend to think that silence is what
happens between turns of talk because people need time to process what
they're going to do next," she said.

But people don't really need much time to process what they've heard and
figure out how they're going to respond. In fact, if you look at
smoothly progressing interactions, there are typically no gaps in
dialogue. That's why a delay of even a fifth of a second could
potentially indicate that there's some kind of problem.

For example, when people are surprised or annoyed by a particular
question, they might not respond immediately. In sales calls that she's
analyzed, Stokoe's found that when salespeople ask, "How did you hear
about us?" right away, there tends to be a long silence afterward.

On the other hand, when they wait until the end of the call to ask,
"Would you mind telling me how you heard about us?" the client typically
responds right away.

Unfortunately, most salespeople don't pick up on what that silence
implies until Stokoe steps in and listens to the call recordings.

Once she hears the recordings and figures out the source of the
misalignment between the two parties, she trains salespeople to tweak
their techniques so they're more successful.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Let's get this out of the way right now: Nobody performs well under pressure. A lot of us think we do, but we don't, or, at least, we don't perform as well as we could perform.

We may feel more creative when we're under the gun, but it's a feeling,
not a reality. It's true that you might be more productive, but the
products you create are usually worse.

In their new book, "Performing Under Pressure: The Science of Doing Your Best When It Matters Most,"
Hendrie Weisinger and J.P. Pawliw-Fry deliver the sad truth: The
difference between regular people and ultra-successful people is not
that the latter group thrives under pressure. It's that they're better
able to mitigate its negative effects.

Or maybe that's good news, because, as they lay out in the book,
handling pressure is a skill, and you can learn it. In the book, they
offer 22 tactics for doing your best when the heat is on. We took a deep
breath and picked out 13 of our favorites.

Think of high-pressure moments as a (fun) challenge, not a life-or-death threat.
Most people see "pressure situations" as threatening, and that makes
them perform even less well. "Seeing pressure as a threat undermines
your self-confidence; elicits fear of failure; impairs your short-term
memory, attention, and judgment; and spurs impulsive behavior,"
Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry write. "It also saps your energy."

In short, interpreting pressure as threat is generally very bad.
Instead, try shifting your thoughts: Instead of seeing a danger
situation, see a challenge.

"When you see the pressure as a challenge, you are stimulated to give
the attention and energy needed to make your best effort," they write.
To practice, build "challenge thinking" into your daily life: It's not
just a project; it's an opportunity to see if you can make it your best
project ever.

Remind yourself that this is just one of many opportunities.
Is this high-pressure situation a good opportunity? Sure. Is it the only
opportunity you will ever have for the rest of your life? Probably not.

"The fact is, it is realistic to think that additional opportunities
will come your way," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry write, who encourage you
to consider how many people needed multiple chances to ultimately
succeed. (We have a few examples here.)

Before an interview or a big meeting, give yourself a pep talk, they
advise: "I will have other interviews" (or presentations or sales
calls).

Focus on the task, not the outcome.
This might be the easiest tactic of all, according to Weisinger and
Pawliw-Fry: Instead of worrying about the outcome, worry about the task
at hand.

That means developing tunnel vision, they explain. When you keep your
eye on the task at hand (and only the task at hand), all you can see is
the concrete steps necessary to excel.

For a student writing a paper, that means concentrating on doing stellar
research — not obsessing about the ultimate grade, what will happen if
you don't get it, and whether you should have majored in economics after
all.

Let yourself plan for the worst.
"What-if" scenarios can be your friend. By letting yourself play out the
worst-case outcomes, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry say, you're able to brace
yourself for them.

What if you're giving a presentation and you lose all your slides? What
if you find out at the last minute you only have half the time you
thought you did? What if, three minutes before you're supposed to begin,
you spill coffee all over your shirt?

The key here is that you're anticipating the unexpected. "It can protect
you from a pressure surge by allowing you to prepare for and thus be
less startled by the unexpected." Instead of panicking, you'll be able
to (better) "maintain your composure and continue your task to the best
of your ability."

Take control.
In a pressure moment, there are factors you have control over and factors you don't.

But when you focus on those "uncontrollables," you end up intensifying
the pressure, increasing your anxiety, and ultimately undermining your
confidence, write Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry. What you want to do is focus
on the factors you can control.

In the case of an interview, for example, don't let yourself think about
who else might have applied for the job, ways the manager could be
biased against you, or whether the interviewer will like your outfit.
The only thing that matters? Preparing to show them you're right for the
role.

Flash back to your past successes.
"Remembering your past success ignites confidence," Weisinger and
Pawliw-Fry write. "You did it before, and you can do it again."

Once you're feeling good about yourself, you'll be better able to cut through anxiety and take care of business.

Be positive before and during high-pressure moments.
In what comes as a surprise to no one (but bears repeating anyway), cultivating a positive attitude goes a long way.

"Belief in a successful outcome can prevent you from worry that can
drain and distract your working memory," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry
explain. "Anxiety and fear are stripped from the equation, allowing you
to act with confidence." This will work out. You will be great. You're
going to succeed.

Get in touch with your senses.
When you're under deadline and the world feels like it's crashing in,
you're particularly prone to making careless errors — slips you never
would have made if you'd felt on top of the situation.

To depressurize the situation, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry advise focusing
on the here and now. Tune into your senses, they say. What do you see?
What do you hear? How's your breathing?

Listen to music — or make some.
"What makes this pressure solution so effective is that it reduces the
culprit behind choking — increased anxiety," Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry
explain.

By listening to music, you're able to literally distract yourself from
your anxiety. And conveniently, this trick is extremely easy to put into
practice: The next time you're facing a high-pressure situation — a big
presentation, for example — spend the few minutes before listening to
your pump-up tunes right up until it's time to take the stage.

Create a pre-performance routine.
The idea here is to create a (brief) routine that you go through in the
minutes before you present or perform, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry suggest.

A "pre-routine" prevents you from becoming distracted (how can you panic
when you're doing your push-ups?), keeps you focused, and puts you in
the "zone" by signaling to your body it's time to perform. Here are
their tips for creating yours:

Keep it short

Do it immediately before The Event

Include a mental component (reviewing key points, anticipating the types of problems your about to face, etc.)

Include a physical component (breathing, power posing, etc.)

Include a visualization of yourself succeeding

Finish with an "anchor word or phrase that signals you're ready for showtime"

Slow down.
When you're in a high-pressure situation, it's natural to speed up your thinking. Don't do it!

Moving too fast often leads you to act before you're ready. You don't
think as clearly as you normally would, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry
observe. You jump to conclusions. You miss key information.

The solution? Slow down. Give yourself a second to breathe and formulate
a plan. You'll think more flexibly, creatively, and attentively, they
promise, and your work will be all the better for it.

Squeeze a ball (really).
Yes, "stress balls" are an office cliché — but according to Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry there's a good reason for that: They work.

One of the reasons you clam up in high-pressure situations is that
there's a constant, unhelpful thought loop running through your head.
"How am I doing?" you keep wondering, even though you're doing fine — or
you would be, if you could shut your brain up.

That's where the stress ball comes in. When you squeeze a ball with your
left hand, you're able to activate the parts of your brain that control
unconscious responses, while simultaneously suppressing the parts of
your brain that oversees self-conscious thinking.

Share the pressure.
Telling someone else about the pressure you're feeling has been proven
to reduce anxiety and stress, Weisinger and Pawliw-Fry report.

But there's another bonus: Sharing your feelings allows you to "examine
them, challenge their reality, and view a pressure situation in a
realistic manner." And it's likely the person you're sharing your
feelings with will have some feedback, too — feedback you might never
have gotten had you stewed solo.

Keep this in mind: You may not be the only one feeling the heat. If
you're under pressure about a work project, there's a good chance
raising the issue will make everyone feel less alone.

Don't believe that last one? Here are 16 times work can make you feel like pizza:1. When you're still waiting for a meeting room to empty out so your group can get in…five minutes after you were scheduled to start:

Self-proclaimed experts could be more susceptible to the "illusion of knowledge."

Here's a trick you can try at the next party you attend: Come up with a
completely bogus money term and then ask your financial expert friend to
explain it to you.

Chances are he'll make a fool of himself when he assumes it's a real concept and claims to know all about it.

That's according to new research, which suggests that self-proclaimed
experts are more susceptible to the "illusion of knowledge." In other
words, people who believe they know a lot about a particular topic are
more likely to claim they know about fake concepts related to that
topic.

This phenomenon, called "overclaiming," could easily undermine you and
work, making you look like an arrogant idiot or leading you to offer bad
advice to others seeking your expertise.

The study, led by Stav Atir, a graduate student at Cornell University,
tested this phenomenon among self-proclaimed experts in fields like
personal finance, biology, and literature.

In one experiment, 100 participants were asked to rate their general
knowledge of personal finance as well as their knowledge of 15 financial
terms. Most of the terms on the list were real (e.g., "Roth IRA" and
"inflation"), but participants also saw three made-up terms ("pre-rated
stocks," "fixed-rate deduction," and "annualized credit").

As it turns out, those who said they knew a lot about finance were most likely to claim familiarity with the made-up terms.

In another experiment, participants were warned that some of the terms
on the list would be made up. Still, those who claimed to be experts in
specific fields were more likely to say they knew the made-up terms. For
example, self-perceived experts in biology said they knew fake terms
like "meta-toxins" and "bio-sexual."

To ensure that people's self-perceived expertise was the reason why they
overestimated their knowledge, the researchers made some participants
feel like geography whizzes and then tested their knowledge on the
topic. Some people took an easy quiz on US cities; others took a
difficult quiz; and some people didn't take any quiz.

As predicted, participants who completed the easy quiz (presumably
feeling like geography experts) were more likely to say they knew
made-up cities like Monroe, Montana, and Cashmere, Oregon.

"Our work suggests that the seemingly straightforward task of judging one's knowledge may not be so simple," the authors write.

The authors also highlight the potential adverse effects of thinking you
know more than you do. "Self-perceived experts may give bad counsel
when they should give none," they write. For example, a self-perceived
financial expert may give inappropriate advice to a friend making an
important money decision — instead of taking the time to really learn
about the topic.

Perhaps a wiser choice than pretending to be familiar with an unfamiliar
topic is simply to admit you don't know about it. It may even make you
look smart — which you certainly won't when it turns out you just
lectured your friends on a topic that doesn't exist.

Could a hiring manager's favorite sports team influence whether you get the job?

In an ideal world, an interviewer would evaluate job candidates based exclusively on their professional qualifications.

In reality, so many other factors come into play — like what part of the
world the candidate is from or what their favorite sports teams are.
For the most part, these biases are unconscious, so we aren't always
aware that they could be influencing our choices.

We spoke with Madan Pillutla, Ph.D., a professor of organizational
behavior at London Business School who studies trust and fairness in
interpersonal interactions, about the three biggest unconscious biases
in hiring decisions.

1. We gravitate toward people who are similar to us.
According to the similarity-attraction hypothesis, we tend to like
people who are similar to us — whether that means they come from the
same state or sport the same haircut.

One way to explain that phenomenon, Pillutla said, is that people with a
decent level of self-esteem are satisfied with their personalities. So
when they see their qualities reflected in someone else, they tend to
like that person, too.

Another potential explanation, which is slightly harder to test, is that
people have evolved to like people who look and act the way they do. At
one point in human history, it was important to trust only people in
your small social group. Even though that behavior is no longer
necessary today, we can still act as though it is.

The problem, Pillutla said, is that "if I keep hiring people like
myself, very soon I'll have an organization of people who think
similarly, who act similarly." Yet research suggests that diversity of
backgrounds and perspectives is important to a company's success.

2. We base our decisions on stereotypes about people's competencies.
One common example of stereotyping, Pillutla said, is that Americans
tend to assume Indians who come to the US are skilled at math. So
American hiring managers might be inclined to select an Indian candidate
for a math-heavy position because they think he or she will excel in
that role — even though it's possible another candidate could be more
skilled in that area.

But while it's possible to unlearn ethnic biases, "stereotypes about
gender tend to be a little deeper" and harder to reverse, Pillutla said.

For example, one recent study found that people were more likely to hire
a male candidate over a female candidate to perform a mathematical
task, even when they learned that the candidates would perform equally
well.

3. We're wary of anyone who we perceive as a threat to our status in the organization.
Pillutla and his colleagues recently published some of the first research on this topic.

In an organization with a highly competitive culture, managers might be
disinclined to bring on someone more competent than they are, especially
if they feel insecure in their role.

"Even if people are well-meaning and well-intentioned, it's very
difficult to act against your own self interest" by hiring someone who
could outperform you, Pillutla said.

In terms of countering these three biases, Pillutla pointed to recent
changes in the way musicians audition for spots in an orchestra. Now,
many orchestras hold "blind auditions," in which the musicians play
behind a screen, so they don't know what the candidates look like. As a
result, they've accepted more women.

In fact, some companies in other fields have already adopted similar hiring strategies.

Alternatively, Pillutla said, "It's not entirely outside of the realm of
possibility that for a lot of jobs we don't even need to interview
people." Instead, employers could have candidates come in and work for a
day, so that they could see how those candidates would really perform.
This is potentially a more objective strategy that could make it harder
to let our biases influence our decisions.

"It's a little out there, but I do think it would be a good thing," he said.

"Y/N: I have never told a lie in my life."

At least three-quarters of companies with more than 100 employees use
personality assessments for external hiring — and that number is
steadily growing.

These tests are used to gauge traits such as competence, work ethic, and emotional intelligence.

We reached out to Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, Ph.D., CEO of Hogan
Assessment Systems and a professor of business psychology at University
College London, to find out more about these personality assessments.
The six questions below are examples of questions you might see the next
time you apply for a job.

Keep in mind, though, that the ideal response to each of these questions
depends highly on the individual employer and the qualities they value.
For example, Chamorro-Premuzic said that your inclination to agree with
the statement, "I'm good at everything I do," could be used to measure
either confidence or arrogance.

Chamorro-Premuzic said it's also important to note that individual
questions are never used to capture a candidate's personality. Instead,
employers look at all your answers to come up with scores for your
traits, values, and skills.

That said, Chamorro-Premuzic provided us with a series of questions
commonly seen on personality assessments, along with an explanation of
what they could mean and how you may want to answer. For each one,
candidates would be asked whether they agree with the statement.

1. Y/N: I like everyone I meet.

"This question evaluates someone's empathy and sensitivity. People who
answer 'yes' tend to be more prosocial and considerate toward others,"
Chamorro-Premuzic said.

"This would be important in jobs that require working with people and
caring about them, like customer service and NGOs. However, sometimes
this question can be a trick question designed to pick up lying or
faking good: If you think about it, it is impossible for someone to like
everyone they meet."

2. Y/N: High taxes make people lazy.

"If you say 'no' you are more altruistic and other-oriented (empathetic)," he said.

"However, the question can also be used to evaluate political
orientation (if you say 'yes' you are more right-wing and libertarian),
as well as individualism (if you say 'yes' you are more
individualistic)."

3. Y/N: I'd rather do things quickly than perfectly.

"This question can be used to evaluate someone's perfectionism level,
and how proactive they are," Chamorro-Premuzic said. "When people say
'yes' they are typically proactive and doers rather than thinkers. They
move fast and want to get on with things to jump on to the next thing.
When people say 'no' they are perfectionistic, conscientious, rigorous,
and prefer quality to quantity."

"Jobs that require perfectionism include R&D, innovation, and
artistic/design jobs. Jobs that require proactivity include
entrepreneurial jobs, sales, and any job requiring networking."

Fingers crossedCarmella Fernando/FlickrHave you ever told a lie?

4. Y/N: I have never told a lie in my life.

"This question can be used to assess integrity and honesty," he said.
"This matters in all jobs but especially when people are trusted with a
position of responsibility or power. Integrity is the No. 1 thing people
want in their leaders."

"This question can be scored in two ways: first, by taking people's
answers at face value (if they say 'yes' we assume they are more honest
or have integrity); second, by looking at how people with low integrity
typically answer."

"Our research shows that, in high-stake settings (when people are
evaluated for a job they care about), low integrity people tend to say
'yes,' which means that saying 'no' would actually equate to being more
trustworthy!"

5. Y/N: My parents never really loved me.

"This question is hard to interpret, but it tends to evaluate people's
EQ (emotional intelligence). When people say 'yes' they are more likely
to be neurotic, and therefore have lower EQ (EQ measures your ability to
stay positive, optimistic, calm under pressure, and see things in a
positive vein)," Chamorro-Premuzic said.

"When people say 'no' they are typically more calm and balanced, have a
positive self-view, and are more highly adjusted. Although we think EQ
is always beneficial, it really matters mostly in jobs requiring
composure and nurturing positive relations with others."

6. Y/N: I am destined to be famous.

"This question measures how ambitious someone is," he said. "People who
say 'yes' are more driven and have higher expectations of success. This
may indicate that they are more willing to work harder. However,
research also shows that people who say 'yes' are typically more
narcissistic and entitled."

"Therefore, it really depends on the test and how employers evaluate
answers. Most leadership jobs would look for people who are ambitious
and driven, and who think highly of themselves. However, since
leadership is a resource for the group or the team, what is needed is
people who are driven but also humble and other-centric."

The wait can be excruciating, so here's how to cope

If you're looking for a job, you might have sensed that it seems to be
taking longer to snag an offer than in the past. You're right. A recent
study from the employment site Glassdoor.com found that the average
interview process in the U.S. is now 22.9 days, nearly double the 12.6
days in 2010.

It's a maddening shift that's only added stress for job hunters. I'll
provide tips on how to deal with this new reality in a moment, but first
it's important to understand what's driving this change.

On the surface, the trend towards longer hiring cycles seems
counterintuitive. After all, as the war for talent has been heating up,
you'd expect employers to act faster, not slower, to lock-in the best
candidates. The unemployment rate just hit a seven-year low (at 5.3
percent) and the CareerBuilder jobs site says 49 percent of employers
plan to hire full-time, permanent employees in the second half of 2015,
up from 47 percent last year.

So what gives?

According to Glassdoor Chief Economist Andrew Chamberlain, there are
several reasons why the interview process is taking longer these days.

"Overall, the interview process has become longer largely due to the
fact that more employers are requiring more comprehensive interview
processes," Chamberlain told me via email. "For job candidates, that
basically means more hoops and hurdles they may have to jump through."

Screening methods such as group presentations, IQ tests, personality
tests and drug tests have gained in popularity, each lengthening the
hiring timeline.

Chamberlain also noted that there's been a marked change in the
composition of the workplace in recent years, with a shift away from
low-skilled, routine jobs and towards higher-skilled positions requiring
more sophisticated skills. Hiring specialized and technical workers
requires a more careful — that is, longer — vetting process.

Of course, hiring timelines vary according to job type and industry.
Glassdoor says hiring decisions for entry-level jobs like retail sales
clerks take less than a week, while the process for senior-level execs
typically drags on for two months or more. If you're a law enforcement
candidate, you'd better have a holster full of patience: the average
hiring time for police officers clocks in at a painfully slow 128 days.

Its report leaves little doubt that you should expect your job search to
last awhile. Given that reality, here are seven ways to better manage
the wait and, with any luck, cut the time it takes for you to get hired:

1. Do your homework about the employer's hiring process. Learn what you can before you apply. This will help you tamp down expectations.

Many companies now post information about their particular hiring
process on the career page of their websites; some even offer online
chats for prospective applicants.

You can also research the interview process by reading employer reviews
on sites like Glassdoor.com or Indeed.com as well as by speaking with
friends who work at your target employers.

2. Ask about "next steps" at the end of each interview. Find
out if more interviews will be needed — and if so, roughly how many,
how soon they'll occur and how they'll be done (group, individual,
phone, etc.). Ask the employer if you'll need to provide any additional
information such as references. Or, if appropriate, whether you'll need
to schedule drug testing. The more proactive you are about handling
needed tasks early on, the less chance of delays happening on the back
end.

3. Do what you can to nudge the process along. While
you can't do much to control the employer's internal decision-making
process, there are a few ways to bolster your standing and help speed up
a potential offer.

For one, send a compelling thank-you note that clearly explains why
you're the best person for the job. It's not only the polite thing to
do; the note will provide a reminder that you're a savvy candidate who
might get snatched up by a competitor if the employer doesn't act
quickly.

If you know someone who works for the employer, ask him or her to put in
a good word for you. As I've written before, a strong internal
reference is one of the most effective ways to best the competition.

Of course, it's wise not to appear too eager. There's a fine line
between good follow-up and looking desperate. So demonstrate your
interest by touching base at the agreed upon checkpoints, but resist the
temptation to check in every time you get anxious.

4. Don't read too much into employer promises. Even if
you're told "We'll definitely have a decision by next week" or "You're
one of our top two candidates," take such comments with a grain of salt.

Employers' plans change. A hundred things that have nothing to do with
you can delay the decision: The hiring manager goes on vacation; an
internal project suddenly requires attention; the company becomes the
target of a takeover.

It's fine to take a moment to relish any encouraging comments, but then plow full steam ahead with the job search.

5. Adjust your expectations (and advise your significant others to do the same).
Reset your mental time clock and plan on the process lasting two or
three times longer than the employer indicates. If it finishes sooner,
great. But in the meantime, you'll have an easier time managing your
anxiety during the wait.

6. Keep your job application pipeline full. When you
only have one prospect, you'll obsess over it day and night. The best
way to keep your sanity during a long interview wait is by generating a
steady flow of new opportunities.

Even if your dream job seems within reach, keep searching, keep
networking and keep applying. That way, you'll feel like you're making
progress and you may uncover other interesting job openings in the
process.

7. Snag a competitive offer. Nothing speeds up the
hiring process faster than letting employers know you have another job
offer. Just like dating, you'll appear way more attractive to potential
suitors once they know others are seriously interested.

Of course, there are risks involved with this strategy, so use it
wisely. Once you tell an employer there's a competing offer, you start
the clock ticking. That's why this approach can backfire if the
employer's lengthy interview timeline can't be easily shortened. Also,
some employers might resent being pressured into making a decision
before they're ready.

But when presented in a non-threatening and professional manner, having a
bird in hand is one of the best ways to force the employer's hand — and
maybe even get a higher starting salary to boot.

Your recommended reading for the summer of 2015--no book reports necessary.

Even if you're only taking a staycation this year, look at this
summer a chance to relax, recuperate and renew. Healthier habits and
fresh foods come naturally during this sunny season, and taking
advantage of the longer hours of daylight can mean breathing new life
into your year.

And to add to the motivation, here are 12 books to
inspire you and your career this summer, ranging from business tycoon
biographies to economy think-pieces to social security insights, with
some more lighthearted selections as well.

If you're looking for a summer read to brighten your career's horizon, here are 12 books to check out now.The Road to Characterby David Brooks (Random House) The Times columnist extols personal virtues like kindness and honesty in a materialistic age. The Power of Habitby Charles Duhigg (Random House) A Times reporter's account of the science behind how we form, and break, habits.How Not to Be Wrongby Jordan Ellenberg (Penguin Press) A mathematician shows how his discipline helps us think about problems of politics, medicine and commerce.Triggersby Marshall Goldsmith and Mark Reiter (Crown Business) How to resist the tug of habit and embrace change.A Curious Mindby Brian Grazer and Charles Fishman (Simon & Schuster) The Oscar-winning producer describes the importance of curiosity in his life, and how others can harness its power.Thinking, Fast and Slowby Daniel Kahneman (Farrar, Straus & Giroux) The winner of the Nobel in economic science discusses how we make choices in business and personal life.The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Upby Marie Kondo (Ten Speed) A guide to decluttering by discarding your expendable objects all at once and taking charge of your space.Get What's Yoursby Laurence J. Kotlikoff, Philip Moeller and Paul Solman (Simon & Schuster) A guide to deciding when to claim Social Security benefits and to getting all you're eligible for when you do.Team of Teamsby Stanley McChrystal with Tantum Collins, David Silverman and Chris Fussell (Portfolio/Penguin)Applying a small-team approach to armed conflict to non-combat scenarios.Between You & Me: Confessions of a Comma Queenby Mary Norris (Norton) A memoir of a career in the New Yorker's storied copy department, along with grammar advice.How Children Succeed by Paul Tough (Mariner/Houghton Mifflin Harcourt) The author argues that the qualities that matter most have to do with character, not intelligence.Elon Muskby Ashlee Vance (Ecco/HarperCollins)
A technology writer follows Musk's life from his difficult South
African childhood to his involvement in Internet start-ups like the
rocket company SpaceX, the electric-car company Tesla and the solar
power installation company Solar City.

What other career-related books would you recommend checking out this summer?

Mark Cuban: "Do the work. There are no shortcuts."

Regardless of how we define it, success can feel like a fleeting and
often elusive target. It takes confidence, passion, and drive to
accomplish your goals and to recognize success when you've achieved it.

In the graphic below, 22 influential executives and entrepreneurs share the key to their success:

How to deflect that codeword for "old" and get hired

I recently received this email from a woman named Patricia, age 64 (she asked that I not use her last name):

"Who Am I? I ask myself that question every day. I've been labeled
"long-term unemployed," "99er" [a 99er is someone whose federal
unemployment benefits ran out — after 99 weeks], "couch potato", etc.
I've been called every name one can think of... I've reached and
reached, have been interviewed, talked about, called all kinds of names
and been told over and over and over again how 'overqualified' I am that
it makes me cry and cry often."

Over 55 and 'Overqualified'
The basic outline of Patricia's story is sadly familiar and will
resonate with other unemployed people over 55 who've been told they,
too, were overqualified when they applied for jobs. I'm relating it here
so I can offer advice to her and anyone else among the long-term,
"overqualified" unemployed.

Patricia had been a paralegal for 20 years in the New York City area and
worked as an insurance claims rep on Long Island. Her last full-time
job was a legal secretary in New York. She lost that job in 2008 during
the recession. To help her find work, New York State sent her to school
to earn two certificates: one as certified biller/coder and the other in
medical business administration.

In 2010, she moved to Florida to lower her living costs and has been
unsuccessful finding work, forcing her to deplete her retirement savings
and file for Social Security just to pay the bills. The New York State
certificates didn't pay off because certificates tend to be very state
specific. Time and again, prospective employers said Patricia was too
qualified for their open positions.

"How many times do you need to be told they don't want you anymore," she told me. "It's an awful way to live."

Losing a job is always a blow, but for those 55 and over it's doubly hard.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics calculates that the incidence of
long-term unemployment — defined as being out of work 27 weeks or more —
rises with age. In 2014, just 22 percent of the unemployed under 25
were jobless 27 weeks or longer, but 45 percent of the 55-and-older
unemployed were.

A Code Word for 'Too Old?'
The past year, I've traveled around the country giving talks about my book Unretirement.
I met many unemployed people like Patricia, wondering if they truly
were overqualified or if that was just employer code for "too old."

Says Tim Driver, founder and CEO of Retirementjobs.com,
which matches older job seekers with employers: "There's a nastiness
when someone is called 'overqualified.' Sometimes, it's an excuse for
age bias."

To be sure, the economic expansion, now in its 72nd month, is bringing
down the jobless numbers. The ranks of long-term unemployed reached a
record high of 6.7 million (45 percent of the unemployed) in the second
quarter of 2010 but that number has shrunk to 2.1 million (25.8 percent
of the unemployed), a still dismayingly high figure in historic terms.
And that percentage doesn't include laid-off boomers who gave up looking
for work.

Still, there are no easy answers or simple remedies for people like
Patricia. As former U.S. Treasury Secretary Larry Summers put it: "The
best social policy is a high-pressure economy in which firms are chasing
workers rather than workers chasing jobs."

Job Hunting Advice for the 'Overqualified'
In the meantime, what can the so-called "overqualified" unemployed do to land a job?

If a hiring manager says you're overqualified, after smothering the urge
to strangle him or her, recognize that what you may be hearing is worry
that you'll be bored, dissatisfied and jump to a better job as soon as
one comes along.

So, reassure the potential employer by emphasizing that at this stage of
your life you're striving for a better work-life balance, not
necessarily the next rung on a career ladder.

Also, build your resumé around the skills you have that fit the
particular job. And during your interview, show enthusiasm for the
position.

"You're cherry picking your skills at this stage of your life. It's a
natural thing," says Rick Matson, a semi-retired career/job search
consultant, much of his business with the medical device behemoth
Medtronic. "Just make sure you don't leave the impression that you don't
want to work hard."

These days, boomers don't have to rely solely on their own contacts to
find job leads. Organizations are springing up all over the country
offering networking opportunities, such as Encore Tampa Bay in Tampa,
Fla. Many churches and temples are also active in organizing job
networks for their community.

A note of caution: Not all networking groups are alike. Seek out a group
that's practical in orientation and optimistic in spirit, says Mary
White, who counsels laid-off workers in St. Paul, Minn. "Some network
groups just get together and whine. Others, you'll report what you did
this week to find a job and what you're going to do next week," White
notes. "You have to be accountable."

A stint volunteering might turn into a job offer. Volunteering can also
be an engaging activity during the tough times of looking for work.
"Anything that gets you out of the house and away from the computer is
good," says White. "If it stimulates your heart and your mind, do it."

What about turning temping into something close to a full-time job? This
choice isn't for everyone, but permanent tempers often enjoy
project-based tasks, meeting new people and dealing with different
employers. There are all kinds of temp agencies, ranging from clerical
technical jobs to white-collar work. "Temping your way through
retirement is a valid idea," says Driver.

Finally, take a hard look at your skill set and get creative thinking
about fields that could use those talents. For example, since Patricia
has a background as a paralegal, she's comfortable dealing with
regulations and paperwork. Matson muses that she could consider becoming
a medical Sherpa or patient advocate, the growing profession of helping
people negotiate the health insurance and hospital bureaucracies.

A Job Is More Than a Job
Keep in mind that work is more than the welcome rewards of a decent
paycheck combined with tough hours on the job. Workplaces are also
communities.

The late Studs Terkel, in his classic oral history of working life (Working)
wonderfully captured this. He described the hardships, humiliations,
disappointments and setbacks many people suffer in their daily labors
but also stressed the dignity and pride in work, the reach for worth and
purpose.

"It is about a search, too, for daily meaning as well as daily bread,
for recognition as well as cash, for astonishment rather than torpor,"
he wrote. That search informs today's Unretirement movement to rethink
and reimagine the possibilities in the second half of life.

It's not as simple as just depositing your new paycheck

After applying, waiting, interviewing, waiting again, and then finally negotiating an offer, you have a brand new job.

It's easy to get so caught up in the excitement that you don't stop to think about what this will mean for your finances.

Here are five things experts suggest you do before, or right after starting, a new job.

1. Make sure you understand your new compensation package.
Job seekers tend to focus just on salary, says Cameron Laker, CEO and
cofounder of human resources and recruitment firm Mindfield. But before
you start your new job, you should sit down and review all the ways in
which your finances will be changing.

"It could be something as simple as traveling further to work. What will the gas costs add up to?" he says.

Similarly, your new insurance may come up with a higher deductible. Or
perhaps your old company was paying for your cell phone, but your new
employer won't.

All of these factors can potentially cancel out a new, higher salary, so
it's important to know where you stand so that you have a realistic
picture of what you can spend.

2. Adjust your budget.
If you're taking a lower-paying job to join an exciting new startup or
follow your passion, you'll need to carefully consider how you're going
to scale back. If you're going to be making more money, you'll have to
plan ahead in order to avoid lifestyle creep.

"Most people just let their spending increase with their income, when
they should be saving more," says Robert D. Oliver, a certified
financial planner. He recommends setting automated transfers to savings
or investment accounts, or towards paying off debt.

3. Decide what to do with your former workplace's 401(k).
If your former employer offered a 401(k) plan to save for retirement,
you'll have several options: keeping it as-is, rolling it over (industry
jargon for moving it) into your new 401(k), or rolling it into an IRA.

Oliver doesn't recommend the first option. "I'm a big fan of keeping
things as simple as possible. If you have multiple funds lingering, it
just makes financial management more complicated." But he acknowledges
that if you have an excellent plan with good low-cost investments, like
the Thrift Savings Plan for government employees, it may make sense to
hold on to it.

For most people, he says, rolling over retirement accounts into an IRA
is "the path of least resistance." Usually, it will offer lower-cost
investments than their new 401(k). However, he points out that it's
possible to take out a loan from a 401(k), but not from an IRA. While he
doesn't recommend taking out a loan from your retirement savings, this
is the type of detail that you'll want to be aware of when making the
switch.

4. Change over your insurance.
In many cases, you won't be able to start using your new health
insurance plan until you've worked at the company for thirty days.
During the transition period, you'll want to enroll in COBRA to keep
your old coverage going, Oliver says. That can be expensive, since
you'll be taking over the costs that were once covered by your employer,
but it's still worth the peace of mind that comes from knowing that
you're prepared in case of emergency.

Once you've given your notice, your company has 14 days to give you the
option to receive COBRA coverage. If you say yes, your coverage will
begin on the day after your benefits would normally end.

Likewise, in order to make sure that your family will also be covered in
case something terrible happens, Oliver also recommends finding out if
your new job offers life or disability insurance. If not, you may be
able to convert your former employer's group policy into an individual
one.

5. Understand how vesting works.
Does your new employer offer vesting that will allow you to earn equity
over time? If so, you'll want to figure out exactly how that works.
Generally, companies will grant you options from the start, but they
only become yours as they vest over time. Likewise, you may be given
stock, but the company will retain the right to repurchase it if you
leave, unless it has fully vested.

Timelines tend to vary from company to company, so you'll want to make
sure that you completely understand what you're getting into, Laker
says. "How long does it vest for? This could heavily impact how long you
choose to stay at the company." Once you get settled in, you may forget
to ask these questions, so it's a good idea to understand how your
employer will be supplementing your salary before you start.

Glassdoor provides employee reviews of companies of all sizes with
insight into what it's like to work there, as well as compensation data.
You can use the info to prepare for job interviews or to negotiate your
salary.

Khan Academy
A Khan Academy account will get you access to hundreds of video lectures
and exercises on a wide variety of topics, many of them narrated by the
site's founder and executive director Sal Khan.

The site is especially useful if you want to learn specific topics
rather than an entire subject, like how the stock market works and how
to build a balance sheet.

Codeacademy
Taking an introductory class in coding isn't going to get you a top
engineering job at Google, but it could help you understand the
mechanics of what you're working with every day, demystifying how
software and websites function.

It's a great way to learn languages like HTML and CSS, JavaScript,
jQuery, PHP, Python, and Ruby. Whether you want to become fluent in HTML
to better maneuver your company's content management system or take
skill-based classes like how to build an interactive website,
Codeacademy will help you get there.

LearnVest
Working for your paycheck is one thing, but if you want to learn how to
make your paycheck work for you, LearnVest is a great resource. While
you can purchase financial advisory services, its free in-depth articles
will answer most of your general personal finance questions.

If you never learned how to budget or want to develop a retirement plan, LearnVest has you covered.

Investopedia
Investopedia can be your go-to resource for learning about the world of
finance. If you'd like to start taking advantage of compound interest or
compound growth but can't tell a mutual fund from a hedge fund, you can
explore Investopedia's many guides, instructional videos, and
encyclopedia entries.

Y Combinator Startup Library
If you're considering leaving your job to start your own business or are
just wondering what it would be like to have a fun side project, Y
Combinator's Startup Library is a good place to get an idea of what it
takes to be an entrepreneur.

Y Combinator is a seed fund that puts promising entrepreneurs through a
rigorous bootcamp-like period that ends with a pitch to investors for
serious amounts of capital. Its website's free library features
insightful blog posts from YC cofounder Paul Graham on creating and
developing companies, as well as links to external sources, like a guide
to writing the perfect business plan from renowned Silicon Valley
venture capital firm Sequoia Capital.

Duolingo
Maybe your company opened a new office in Germany that could provide an
exciting career opportunity you've been waiting for, but you don't know a
word of German. Before pursuing an advanced course, you can learn the
basics for free from Duolingo.

A 2012 independent study conducted by Roumen Vesselinov of the City
University of New York and John Grego of the University of South
Carolina found that 34 hours spent with Duolingo are equivalent to an
11-week semester of a language course.

Study: expressing sadness can increase your ability to "claim value"

For most people, crying at work sounds mortifying — and may even bring up humiliating memories.

But new research finds that sometimes shedding a few tears can be used to your advantage.

A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology shows that
expressing sadness in a face-to-face interaction can sometimes help you
during a negotiation.

The study, called "Weep and Get More," found that expressing sadness can
increase your ability to claim value in negotiations because it can
"make recipients experience greater other-concern."

But it only happens in specific situations and depends on the relationship and status of the negotiators.

Researchers from INSEAD, the University of Michigan, the University of
Paris, and EMLYON examined face-to-face negotiations in a series of
three experiments. The first experiment focused on structural features
of the situation, and the second and third experiments focused on the
relationship-related features.

The study found a few specific situations where the expresser of sadness is at an advantage.

1. If the crier is perceived as being in a lower-power position
Whether you're in tears in front of your supervisor or the company's
CEO, your chances of leaving a negotiation happy are increased if you're
viewed as a lower power.

"A person who perceives you as having lower power and feels concern for
you may help you or make more concessions, leading you to gain
relatively more," said Shirli Kopelman, one of the researchers and a
professor at the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan.

2. If the recipient expects a future interaction
Crying during a bombed job interview may provide no benefits for you because the interviewer may never see you again.

But if you're negotiating for a raise or extra time off with your
current employer, they may be more sympathetic and concede to your
request because you will most certainly be in contact again.

3. If the relationship is collaborative
There's a good chance a coworker would show you sympathy simply because
they see you on a daily basis. (However, it is also safe to assume they
would become very fed up with you if the sobbing became a common
occurrence.)

Just like being in a lower-power position, expressing sadness can be
beneficial if the other party perceives the relationship as
collaborative, Kopelman says.

If your gut tells you "no," don't do it.

We've solicited readers to submit their most pressing career-related questions.

With the help of Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author
of "Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss
Behavior and Thrive in Your Job," we've answered the following: "I've
been offered a job in another state. How do I decide if relocating is
the right decision?"

"It would be great if all the best jobs were in your backyard, but
sometimes the position you really want is hundreds, or even thousands,
of miles away," says Taylor. "Relocating can seem like a high-stakes
proposition with too many unknowns. Even if you're disenchanted with
your current position, at least it's the devil you know."

You may also be comfortable with non-work related aspects of your life,
like getting around town, familiarity with your neighborhood, proximity
to friends and family — and your impending move may affect your partner
or loved ones. "This is not a decision to take lightly," says Taylor.
"But the axiom, 'no risk no reward' rings true in the practice of job
relocation."

She says if you do your homework and can withstand a little adventure, "the results can be life-changing."

So, if you're considering such an option, here are 15 questions to ask yourself before making a decision:

1. Have I done my homework on the new city, the new job, and the new company?

"Research, research, research," says Taylor. "It's one thing to do your
homework on your next employer, but when your prospective new job
requires you to uproot your life, it's time to do some serious
sleuthing. The more you know about the job, company, and the new city,
the more educated your decision — and the less stressful the choice will
be."

2. Have I created a budget?

Create a budget, including cost of living. "Make sure that you remain
financially responsible," she suggests. "Review the cost of living in
the proposed city, your salary, and other income, as well as home, car,
and other expenses, before agreeing to any offer."

There are several cost of living calculators online, such as those on Salary.com or Payscale.com.

3. Have I weighed the pros and cons?

As with any tough decision, it helps to make a pros and cons list.
"Commit to writing all the positives of the relocation and the negatives
that relate to each," Taylor says. "For example, Pro: I will get to
explore a great big city. Con: I will miss my hometown friends. The
bottom line is: What am I gaining and what am I forfeiting?"

4. Do I know everything I need to know about the job?

Ask informed questions — those that show you've done preliminary
research. "Be sure that you completely understand the job description;
meet your prospective boss and several coworkers at least twice at their
offices; tour the new workplace; and get a sense of the work
environment and culture."

5. Will I like my new boss?

Of course there's no way to answer this with complete certainty before
you start working for them — but think about whether it would be a good
fit. "Be sure to spend as much time with your new boss as you need,"
says Taylor.

"This person will have the most influence on your job satisfaction —
more than any other single factor. Is your new manager someone you can
learn from? Is your long-term career of genuine interest to your boss?
Is there chemistry? Are there signs that raise concerns?"

6. Does the position offer growth?

Try to ascertain whether the position offers sufficient upward mobility,
not just from where your career is now, but once you're on board.

"This is your opportunity to inquire about your career path," she says.
"You can also ask about how others have taken on greater responsibility
over time in the department. Just be sure not to sound overly aggressive
and to frame it as a desire to grow and learn."

7. Is the salary desirable, and is it adjusted to the cost of living in this new place?

Make sure that the salary you're offered is competitive and worth the big move.

"A general rule of thumb is that you should earn 10% to 20% more than
your current salary when changing jobs in the same city," she explains.
"But when you're relocating, you can generally be a little more
aggressive, depending on your industry, current salary and background —
unless the cost of living is significantly lower in the new city."

Do your research online and find out what the salaries are for your
specialty in the new city. Remember to take into consideration other
factors, such as benefits, incentives, and advancement opportunities,
says Taylor.

8. Am I familiar with the company's track record and understand its growth outlook?

This is not just about your job, or even a department. It's also about
the company you're joining. (You wouldn't want to uproot your whole live
for a company that has a grim-looking future.)

"Make sure you have clarity on their past growth and future prospects,"
Taylor suggests. "If they're not public, you may have to do more due
diligence and ask more questions, without coming across as intrusive."

Ideally, you want to contribute to a growing team, company, and industry
when making this level of commitment, so better to know all you can
upfront.

9. Have I used social media to dig deeper?

Through LinkedIn, chat boards, various websites (like Glassdoor), and
blogs, you can find out a lot about companies from current and former
employees.

"Retention or turnover levels are a good topic to ask about when
considering a relocation," says Taylor. "A company with a revolving door
reputation would suggest a large, billowing red flag."

10. Does the new metro have a strong employment market?

"You should be relatively assured that you'd be marketable in that city
and happy to stay there should things fall apart," she says. "Is your
job general enough and in sufficient demand in the new city? What is the
employment rate there? Who makes up the employment base? Could you
pursue interim or project work between jobs?"

11. Have I discussed and negotiated moving allowances?

"Understand and be able to negotiate allowances, ranging from the move
itself, to arrangements for the sale of your home if you don't sell in a
certain period (if applicable), what they will pay for, whether there
is a contract or severance package and so on," recommends Taylor.
"Policies will vary from one company to another, so tread lightly and
diplomatically."

12. Do I know anyone in this new city? Am I willing to leave certain people behind?

There is much more to a job relocation than a job.

Consider the personal side of this move, she says. "Are there family
members, relatives, or friends in the new city? Some that you hate to
leave behind? It's helpful for some to have a friend in the new town who
can make them feel welcome and supported," she adds.

Some people make friends easily and find that to be a rewarding new
challenge. "Just be true to yourself and have realistic expectations."

13. Have I talked to my family about what they want?

You may well have to take into consideration the opinion of others before getting too amped about the relocation.

"Check in with all those affected — like your partner, kids, parents,
siblings, or anyone who you feel might be impacted," says Taylor.

"On the flip side, the new job could take you closer to family members
or friends. Having open and honest communications with all those
involved will be critical."

14. Have I spent enough time in this new city or town, and is this community the right place for my family and me?

"There's nothing like being there," she explains.

Think about what's most important to you and your family, and find out whether the new location offers these things.

Spend time looking at housing, local schools, traffic patterns at
various times of the day, and places where you would pursue activities
outside work. Check out the local attractions, parks, beaches, shopping,
restaurants, clubs, and cultural or religious organizations.

"Also ask about the climate year-round and talk to as many people as you
can," says Taylor. "And if you can, try to attend a professional
business or industry meeting during your travels to get a sense of the
'professional climate,' as well."

15. What is my gut telling me?

Most often, your gut instincts are accurate. The problem is that people don't always follow them.

For example, if you're doing a lot of second-guessing, you probably have
your answer: You're not comfortable with forging ahead. On the other
hand, if you can't stop thinking about the prospects of this potential
move and have an unstoppable feeling of elation, you also have your
answer: Take a leap of faith. "You could catapult your career," Taylor
concludes.

Low cost of living and no state income tax put Texas in the top spot

Choosing a place to live where you can find good, well-paid work and stretch your paycheck to cover your costs can be difficult.

To help you out, the personal finance site MoneyRates used several data
sources, including the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, to determine the
best and worst states for making a living in 2015. The ranking is based
on five factors: average wages, state tax rates, cost of living,
unemployment rates, and incidents of workplace injuries.

Check out the best and worst states below:

Texas topped the "best" list with a below-average cost of living and no state income tax.

Other states, such as Hawaii and Oregon, have much higher costs of living and state taxes.

How Bill Gates, Barack Obama, and others unwind after a long day

The moments before sleep can provide a rare retreat from a jam-packed day for highly successful people.

For many CEOs, execs, and other high achievers, the day begins extremely
early and is crammed with emails, meetings, and events. But the
evenings can be a time to unwind with a good book. Or a magazine. Or
newspaper. Some of them even curl up with their email.

From paperbacks to tweets, here's what 17 super successful people read before calling it a night.

Alison Griswold contributed to a previous version of this article.

Bill Gates has said he reads for an hour every night, even when he gets home late.

1/17

Back in the 90s, Microsoft's cofounder told the Seattle Times that he considers reading at night to be "part of falling asleep."
He loves good books (here's his 2015 summer reading list) and his
reading topics range from public health to the history of shipping
containers. Gates considers himself a very fast reader, despite never
taking a speed-reading course.

John Carney mulls great thinkers as he falls asleep.

2/17

"I'm
somewhat obsessed with ancient philosophy, mostly Plato, Socrates, and
Xenophon," the Wall Street Journal writer told The Wire in 2013. He said
he does most of this type of reading before going to bed. "Unless it's
Sunday night," he added, "in which case I'm watching 'The Walking Dead'
or 'Homeland.'"

Arianna Huffington unwinds with only 'real' books before going to sleep.

3/17

Huffington is well known for taking sleep seriously, and she doesn't mess around when it comes to her evening reading routine.
The Huffington Post founder recommends banning electronic devices
like iPads, Kindles, and laptops from the bedroom and says she only
reads the old-fashioned way, with print books.

Rob Delaney looks for humor on his Twitter feed.

4/17

Comedian
and writer Delaney has more than a million followers on Twitter, and
told The Wire in 2013 it still blows his mind "that people pay attention
to what I say."
His feeds are the last thing that he scrolls through before going to
bed, though he admitted that he's mostly looking for entertainment at
that point. "I'm more interested in diversion before bed, so hopefully
I'm reading fart jokes," he said.