Conor House offers a place to heal for grieving families

Mar. 13, 2013

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Jan Peterson Photos by Bruce E. Stidham For the News-Leader

ABOVE: Conor House is home to the Lost & Found Grief Center, a nonprofit organization that provides support for those who have lost a loved one.

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The Lost & Found Grief Center offers support to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. To learn more, visit www.lostandfoundozarks.com, or call 417-865-9998. The center exists largely on donations. In addition to cash, the center often needs votive and pillar candles, hand sanitizer, cleaning supplies and trash bags.

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The house itself looks no different from many of the older ones found in the Ozarks — a welcoming front door, a tidy garden along the side, a large wooded yard out back.

But this house isn’t about a single family. It’s about hundreds of families in the Ozarks who come here to find their way through times of grief and loss. It’s the Conor House and home to Lost & Found Grief Center, a nonprofit organization that offers support to people experiencing grief, particularly children grieving the loss of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver. The surviving caregivers also get support.

Named for Conor Wayne Foster, who died in an electrocution accident at age 4, the Springfield house offers a warm environment for families to explore the various emotions that follow loss.

“The house is comfortable and safe and that’s a really important component of what we do,” Scott says.

“This is a child-friendly place. There aren’t any ‘don’t touches’ here,” she says.

Founded in 2001, Lost & Found moved into the house in 2006 after a generous donation from Conor’s parents, Chuck and Ginger Foster, made the move possible.

The organization now serves 250 people from a 19-county area. It is divided into 19 groups that meet twice a month.

The house is filled with photos of families at all points in the grieving journey and children’s artwork. Art projects help children express what they’re feeling when they sometimes can’t find the words, Scott says. The experience also shows other children they’re not alone in what they’re feeling.

“The group process is about sharing and linking … so they don’t feel alone,” Scott explains.

At first blush, the area in which the children meet doesn’t appear any different from most children’s play areas. There are toys and pillows and crafting supplies. But closer examination reveals clues that this isn’t a typical play space. A sandbox, for example, features tiny coffins and grave markers.

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“We may say, ‘Tell me about that,’ and they may tell us what they saw, and questions may come up,” Scott says.

A puppet stage and dollhouse also allow children to enact what happened or how their lives have changed since a death in the family.

“They lose that innocence. Their sense of safety is gone … they learn in an instant everything you know can change,” Scott says.

While the children work through their grief downstairs, their caregivers meet in a space on the second floor. There, they find the help they need to cope with their own grief and that of their child’s. It’s a humble yet comfortable space, decorated with donated items.

One parent told Scott, “When I’m here, that’s the only time I don’t worry about my children,” she says.

Families who find support at Lost & Found don’t stay for any set length of time. Each grief journey is different, but Scott says the average duration is nine months. “They stay as long as they feel they need to stay,” she says.

Scott says she and co-founder Shawn Askinosie insist that the families never have to pay for the help they get, so they rely on donations to keep the nonprofit going.

And what they do is crucial, she says. Children who are dealing with grief may act out or blow off homework. “They’ve got bigger worries than their English or science test,” Scott says.

“In this comfortable old house, there is so much prevention that goes on,” she says.