Hobo Can Collectors Are the New US Treasury

The Way We Live Now: Commuting the old fashioned way. Imaginarily, because who has an actual job? Who can afford cabs? Who can afford nickels? Who can afford homes? Who can afford spas? The homeless, that's who.

What percentage of New Yorkers would you estimate commute to work in a taxi? If you guessed a mere 1%, the superwealthy, up against the wall with all of them, the god damn rich, then you probably saw this story already.

If you're going to read the stories in advance then this little "conversation" between us won't be too informative, will it?

The point is that most people here in the city and probably abroad walk to work in broken sneakers that are more hole than sole. Just how broke are we as a nation, America? We can't even afford to put nickel in nickels, or whatever they put in pennies. They're going to make coins out of scrap metal rounded up by hobos, and that's that. The MTA is laying off hundreds of station agents and the stations will all be abandoned to the penny coin scrap hobos, and that's that. Wall Street guys are only buying "modest seasonal rentals" on the Hamptons this summer to avoid drawing attention from the starving shoeless scrap metal hobos of the underground, and that's that.

Until things calm down, the lucky homeless will be the only ones willing to be seen in spas, lest they be set upon by enraged hordes of the lucky homeless, who imagine a spa-goer may have money, or some scrap metal. Be safe, fair hobo commuters; and may you find as many cans as your sack can carry.