Because what could possibly go wrong (SPOILER: everything!), scientists have developed a schizophrenic computer in an attempt to prove that the disorder's symptoms are the result of a brain's struggle to process stimuli effectively. My brain? It struggles to process words over seven letters. FINE -- SIX A-HOLE.

Computer scientists at the University of Texas-Austin built a neural network called DISCERN, which is able to learn natural language. The humans taught it a series of simple stories, teaching it to store information as relationships between words and sentences -- much the same way a person would learn a story.

Then they started again, but cranked up DISCERN's rate of learning -- so it was assimilating words at a faster rate, and it was not ignoring as much noise in the data.

"DISCERN began putting itself at the center of fantastical, delusional stories that incorporated elements from other stories it had been told to recall," according to the news release. In one answer, it claimed responsibility for a terrorist bombing.

TERRORIST COMPUTER IS A TERRORIST. "Did you even read the article, GW?" Pfft, did I even read the article -- of course I, no not really. IT CLAIMED RESPONSIBILITY FOR A BOMBING, WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED? "It did, but only because it was acting a little crazy as a result of..." WHO YOU CALLIN' CRAZY, I'LL CUT YOUR ASS!