Friday, September 18, 2009

....................There has been a lot of talk lately surrounding Jon and Kate Gosselin regarding their split. There have also been rumors saying that Jon Gosselin is now claiming that he was emotionally abused by Kate and emotionally broken down by her. Are you a fan of the show? Is there an episode or a moment from the show that you remember where they treated one another in an unhealthy or abusive way? In your opinion, what would have been a better way to deal with these situations? Also, there is little talk about how the children may be affected by all of this. What effect do you think this has on their children?

Friday, September 11, 2009

A visitor to our site wrote us the following e-mail regarding the person that she was dating:

“My boyfriend hasn’t had an easy life. He hasn’t been able to control the things that happen. So I expected him to be a little controlling when we first got together. Except lately we have been fighting. He is jealous, possesive, controlling. When I pointed this out to him he calmed down and things were really good for awhile. Now the signs are starting to come back. What can I do to show him I love him but also explain to him he needs to change?”

If you or someone you know is experiencing the same or similar behaviors in a person they are dating keep the following things in mind:

- Being jealous, possessive and controlling are NOT ok.- Although these actions are not abuse per se, they are warning signs of potential abuse.- There is never an excuse to hurt someone in any way – even if you have had a hard life.- Everyone deserves to be in a healthy relationship that consists of mutual trust, respect and support.

If you are experiencing warning signs in your relationship and decide to stay in the relationship its important to have a talk with your significant other:- Let them know that you will leave if the abusive behaviors continue.- Focus on your own needs and be clear about how you want them to change. Don’t accept excuses if they do not change their behavior.- Encourage your partner to get help. Domestic violence programs can teach themm to have violence-free relationships.- Your partner should have a positive attitude towards change. If they admit that what they are doing is not ok they are more likely to stop.

If you decide to leave the relationship it is important to know that abuse can get worse when you try to leave a relationship. That’s why it’s a very good idea to create safety plan. A safety plan can help you avoid dangerous and know the best way to react when you are in danger. Visit The Safe Space to download our safety planning guidebooks.

Being in an abusive relationship can make you feel isolated. Talk to a friend you trust about what is going on. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. There is help.Remember, if you need to talk to someone about your specific situation email us at: askanything@thesafespace.org or visit us @ www.thesafespace.org

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

This evening, CNN will be airing an interview with Chris Brown that has already received significant press due to a comment made my Mr. Brown regarding his recollection of the events that led to the abuse of his former girlfriend, Rihanna. While that comment will most certainly cause great concern amongst advocates in the Domestic Violence community, we should focus on the bigger issues raised by this interview.

"I still love his music.” “She hit him first." - these are a few of the comments consistently seen on webpages discussing tonight's interview. Somehow, young people and adults have created a misconception that if one's music is popular, than that must mean this person is without fault. Liking or disliking Chris Brown's music is not relevant to the seriousness of his crime. They have also determined that Rihanna's actions somehow warranted the severe abuse she received at the hands of Chris Brown. As the law states, one cannot use physical force against another unless they are in fear for their lives. Chris Brown most certainly was not in a life threatening situation, so his assault was unjustified. Beyond that, there is simply is no excuse for the physical and emotional damage evident in the photos leaked of Rihanna. Perhaps those who continue to support Chris Brown should step back and imagine if they had been in Rihanna's shoes.

Chris Brown has yet to receive any counseling or rehabilitation for his issues with anger and abuse. Thus, he is asking for forgiveness before he has earned it. It is not surprising that Chris Brown turned to the media as a "safe haven" to share his side of the story. The question is - should he be allowed to share his side? At this point, after recently receiving conviction and sentencing, it seems the answer would be “no”. This looks like a career salvaging move, something a record label suggested -- "You still have fans! Go on television and make people feel sorry for you!"

As Chris Brown has done nothing to warrant such sympathy or forgiveness - at times, displaying a total lack of knowledge and insight from his comments about "not remembering the incident" to his mother still speaking with Rihanna - he does not deserve a forum to capitalize on the young people who still support his music. I am concerned that when the media offers him this platform it gives the appearance that they excuse his actions. Punishment is meant to be a deterrent towards violence and crime. If Chris Brown continues to be provided a forum to gain sympathy - what kind of deterrent has been made?

When the media is ready to cover this issue responsibly, Break the Cycle is happy to share our expertise.