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A single bead of sweat dropped from my forehead as she walked by me. This perspiration wasn't from nerves, I was just working out. When she looked over, I went back to lifting and averted my eyes to ensure we never made contact. She stopped at a machine and started her reps and this would be the 5th or 6th time I was too scared to introduce myself. In the past, I've spoken about how difficult it can be to make friends as you get older. Many of my strongest bonds are with people I have known for years. Outside of work, it seems tough to go out of your way to connect with people but goddamn it I need to. I was sharing this with my girl and her response made me question all of my intentions. "Do all of your friends have to be gay?", she said in a flat text message. My mouth got dry and I scrambled to spit out an answer to a question I had never really thought about. Several of my friends have been hetero in the past, but I do tend to lean more towards the gay scene. Then…

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Here's how Urban Dictionary defines a "Hard Femme": "Not to be mistaken with the typical femme, the "hard femme" describes herself as "queer", is political, looks more feminine than masculine, and if prompted, can kick some serious ass. She doesn't need to "wear the pants" in a relationship- the hard femme rules with a dress. She not only despises the gender binary, she works to dismantle it." Navigating the queer world can be difficult. As a whole we strive to eliminate labels and break stereotypes, but along the way we have only added to them. In the binary system of (cis)man and (cis)woman, there are also several subcategories, meant to only further define who we are as individuals. For example, I could be considered many things: hard femme, stem(stud &femme), or a feminine aggressive. None of these things define who I am as a person but within the community these labels help others to understand why I prefer a mohawk to l…

I know how you feel. You're searching for lesbian clubs in NJ, and you're being directed to New York City. Well, there's two reasons for that: New York City has some of the best lesbian events and lesbian clubs in NJ are scarce.
Awhile back I reviewed some of the top lesbians clubs in NYC. Although New Jersey's nightlife will never be as vibrant as New York's, there are still some establishments dedicated to the gays, so let's talk. iKON Formerly known as Deko Lounge, iKon is one of the most well-known clubs in Central New Jersey. Back when it was Deko, this was the go to joint for my friends and I because it was a guaranteed good time. There are 3 different rooms with music ranging from techno to Latin to hip-hop and the drinks are cheap! I celebrated a birthday here with all of my friends, and it was one of the most memorable occasions.

Unfortunately, much has changed, and since a new owner took over the club things have changed. Today, iKon is mainly a boys cl…

After reading an AutoStraddle.com post featuring The Dalloway (a trendy SOHO lesbian bar that opened in September of 2012), I realized that the LGBTQ nightlife in NYC needs some reviewing from someone that is purely a patron. Luckily, I don't stand to gain anything from any of the places in NYC that I frequent, so I can be as straight forward as possible.

As a black lesbian in this beautiful city, it has not always been so easy finding a bar or club that has just the right scene. Fortunately, my circle has expanded and I have been introduced to more lesbo-centric bars and nightclubs than necessary. I imagine the perfect lesbian bar/nightclub with a hard femme decor, diverse music, moderately priced drinks (with drink specials), dance space, lounge area, hot bartenders, bar food(wings, sliders and salads) and NO COVER. That is the perfect place no matter who you want to sleep with, but since we're here for the queer, let's stick to one portion of the population.

I have a theory and I hope my words are chosen properly.I believe that transgender people or people of trans experience are neither male nor female, but a gender all to themselves. It's hard for me to say this because I know many FTM/MTF people, and I wouldn't want anyone to take offense. Here I go...

A man that transitions into a woman has experienced manhood and womanhood. That person has straddled both sides of our societies gender roles. I don't believe that, this man is now a woman because he now has breasts like mine and a vagina to match. I believe that person is now part of a different gender. A gender that is superior to male or female because that person has experienced both sides of the spectrum, while maintaining properties that add a dual nature to this person. I'm aware of my use of the word "superior", but I believe it is used correctly. Superiority in this sense, is used to acknowledge that transgender people have a dual experience that no cis…

"I'm just so excited to meet him!" she said with glee. "It's been so long since I've had such a connection with someone."
These were the last words she uttered to me the day before her date stood her up. She had recently worked up the nerve to start online dating, and through Match.com she thought she had found love. He was tall, dark and handsome just like she likes them. They had been speaking for about two weeks, so meeting each other and hitting it off would be the icing on the proverbial cake. What could go wrong? They had spent hours on the phone, started calling each other "baby" and most of all he was a great listener.
Her: "I just don't know why he could't have called?" Me: "Well, sorry ass people do shit like that..."
Her: "It would have been okay if he had just told me he couldn't make it. I was so excited to meet him." Me: "On to the next one, girl."
Her: "Do you think I shoul…

One day, I was sitting with my mother, and we started talking about ways to meet people. I stressed to her the necessity of going out and meeting people in person. I told her that there is nothing compared to just meeting someone at a bar, while shopping, or through unexpected conversation. She told me that it's not the same for her generation. She believes dating for a middle aged woman isn't as simple as going to a bar and hoping for the best. I was instantly reminded of a conversation I had with a college friend, and he said that his father felt online dating was the only way he would find love. We were both perplexed that our intelligent parents could be so wrong.

For my generation, the internet is a means to hooking up. This phrase has several different meaning to different people, but one thing stays the same; hooking up is NOT long term. It's a temporary thing that only leads to a lasting relationship if the tw…