WBC winning Japanese manager has asked to be traded to the Dodgers to manage the 2009 Season. Due to his super managing skills, The Dodgers have agreed to dish Manny off to Tokyo so that they could get the best Manager in the world.

Manny Commented briefly:

I hear the okonomiaki is great in Osaka but better in Hiroshima.

The Giants trying to save face immediately shipped Manny off to Hiroshima in exchange for two unproven players from the Dominican Republic.

Hara manager is scheduled to land in LAX today with a heroes welcome banner attached to his plane reading…

I had the chance to pick my old friend, Hideaki Suda’s, brain on some Japanese golf lingo. He managed to unload a whole treasure trove of important and amusing terms the Japanese use during a round of golf.

Mada saisho: You usually say this if you hit a bad shot on your first drive. It basically means, it is only the first. Sorry no mulligans in Japan.

Uchi ni kairitai: You would probably say this after a series of OB shots or triple bogeys or multiple shanks. It means I just want to go home. I want to quit. That’s it! I give up.

Club wo kaetai: I want to change my clubs for some better ones. Of course if you buy new clubs you will immediately cut 30 strokes off your game. Not!

Club suteru: Throw away my clubs. Many clubs have ended up in trees and ponds as a convenient replacement for a dumpster.

Playing Golf With a Terrible Player

Te no go ban wo tsukaeyo Haha!! If you are having troubles getting out of a bunker or repetitively fanning on a shot your opponent may say this as a joke or in utter frustration…Use your hand as a five iron. Which means pick it up and throw it.

Jikan ga kakaru: It’s taking too much time. There is nothing more frustrating when you are playing with someone who takes a hundred practice swings before each shot and takes forever to putt.

Types of Golfers

Gomma Kasu: Sandbagger, cheater

Hanatakadaka: Snob – In Japanese hana means nose and takadaka means high

Jiman: Egotistical- A person who is always praising himself.

Urusai ojisan: These guys are the worse to play with. They keep talking when you hit and demand silence when they hit and then they have the audacity to nitpick on every rule in the book. Urasai means noisy and Ogisan means grandfather or golden ager.

Komakai: Is also a stickler for the rules.

Golf Terms

Kikori ga ita: The chainsaw is here. Say this when you hit a tree on your drive.

Another version

Freakn' woodpecker took my ball!

Kitsutsuki ga ita : A woodpecker is here.

Matsui: If you score 55 Say Matsui!

Ichiro: If you score 51 say Ichiro!

Hyaku ju no Oh ni natta: If you score 110 or more.

110 = Hyaku ju = 100 beasts
Ju = beast
Oh = King = lion
Because “The lion is called the king of 100 beasts.”
I have become the king of Beasts many times.

Oh fuku Binta: fuka = both sides – Binta = slap on the face. So this means to be slapped on both sides of the face. Which translates into hitting one bad shot after another. Or going from one side of the fairway to the other. In English it is called Catholic Golf. Across here across there…haha!

One cushion: Is when you hit it off the bank before the green to slow down the ball if you don’t have space to land and roll.

Kimpatsu bijin ga yonderu: Literally means Kimpatsu=bleach blond- Bijin=Beauty- Yonderu = is calling. You say it when you hit it into the bunker. I

I'm blond -22 -and love golf. Want to play in the bunker with me?

guess, the bunker sand is white and it is very attractive. Japanese men have a burning desire to sleep with foreign blond women? Doesn’t every man? You figure it out. I can’t.

Tarako: Tara means Cod and Ko means eggs. Tarako is eaten rare or cooked and often found in Rice balls- onigiri. Get this, tarako means a very thin club, like a hybrid utility wood, because it looks somewhat like tarako. OK?

Things you may see on a Japanese course

Q-Why is there always an ashtray by the tee markers?

Smoking Helps!

A- Because everyone smokes in Japan. Well, yes but not really. The reason there is an ashtray beside the tee markers is to also inform you what green is in play. If the ashtray is on the left you play for the left green and if the ashtray is on the right…

What is this? Why, it is a tee hole maker for when the tee area is frozen. Why haven’t I ever seen one of these in Canada? Who plays golf in the winter in Canada anyways?

What next?

Do golf carts fly?

This says “Please do not do donuts on the green!” Actually it says to drive right up to the line and park. As you know most courses demand that you stop for lunch between nines. So, you pull up into the valet golf cart parking lane and a friendly staff will drive your cart over to the tenth tee while you pig out on curry rice and beer. Is it just me or does that golf cart have wings?

Too Much Information

What next? GPS? Wait a sec! GPS!

#1 Says the green is on the left today.

#2 If by any chance you hit it Out of Bounds please go up to the yellow markers where you will be hitting 4. If you do in fact hit it out of bounds this would be a good time to use the word Chikusho! Remember you don’t want to say this when you are playing with a person you don’t really know. Only with buddies please because it kind of means F$%#k or Sh$%#T