What’s The Point?

Last week, after a particularly challenging coaching session with a client, I wrote this on my Facebook page:

“Never confuse urgency and drama with meaning and purpose.”

So many people are focused on “winning” and “making a mark” and “getting” and being “Type A” and, then ask me to help them find out why they are so unhappy and unfulfilled and struggle to identify their life’s purpose.

I can tell you something. They’re making things a lot more difficult than they need to be.

Because I believe every human being has the exact same purpose in life.

It’s to be a force for good in the world.

Simple.

And although we share the same purpose, we derive our own personal meaning from how we decide to do good.

One person might be a force for good in the world by teaching. Another by cleaning streets. One might find meaning in helping people become prosperous, another in curing illness.

The overarching purpose is to do something good. In large and small ways. All the time.

I am never doing good if I cheat you, scam you or otherwise take advantage of you. Never. Not in business. Not ever. People who conduct their business this way may find that they get a big score at the outset, but rarely ever create a lasting, truly lucrative business. See Bernie Madoff, for example. You do better when you’re focused on doing good.

Now, tyrants and despots often justify their bad acts by saying they are acting in the “common good.” Ethnic cleansing, silencing dissidents and controlling the media comes to mind. You can probably come up with some other examples yourself.

But when anyone is hurt, good is not being done. When harm is done, we’re acting in direct opposition to our life’s purpose, so it’s no wonder that tyrants and despots often wind up being hung by their ankles with body parts stuffed into their mouths by the very people they were trying to “protect.”

Now we know what meaning and purpose are all about — let’s look at urgency and drama.

Just because something’s urgent, doesn’t mean it’s important. If I get a flat tire, it’s urgent but it’s not really important. I can pull over, jack up the car, replace the tire, go on my way.

Or I can choose to make it a drama. Boy howdy, can I. How about I call my brother, my sister-in-law, my neighbor, my son, my best friend and the local radio station to announce that I Have A Flat Tire and invite them to join the pity party with me? I can then regale the folks at the supermarket, the dry cleaners and the smoothie shop with the story of My Flat Tire. Watch me work the story at the office!

I get all wrapped around the axle.

And a twenty minute inconsequential period extends into hours, maybe even weeks of drama.

Which is what I hear from my coaching clients. For years and years they have allowed urgent matters to masquerade as their life’s purpose, and accepted drama as a substitute for meaning. They’re addicted to the high fructose corn syrup adrenaline rush of drama, and have completely lost their taste for the true sweetness of real meaning.

When you’re hip to your life’s purpose of being a force for good, you can find meaning in the smallest things. Like holding the door open for the pregnant woman pushing a stroller. Like giving up your seat on the subway to the elderly man with the cane. Like smiling. Easy things you can do every day.

Big things can hold great meaning, too. Like mentoring that young man at work. Or being generous with well-deserved raises to your best people despite the economy. Or finding a vaccine for cancer. Challenging, time consuming things that can take a whole career to accomplish are ripe with meaning.

Since this is my own personal manifesto, let me go a step further. I believe you already know this. I believe people are, at their core, good. We only get stuck when we get in our own way and confuse urgency and drama with meaning and purpose. So step out of the way. Deal with that which is urgent, because we all face things that need attention. But attend without drama. Fulfilling your life purpose means being who it is you are at your core — good old you — and doing what good you can in each moment.

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Michele
So much of the drama that we create in our lives is based in fear. Fear of not getting what we want or what we think we deserve. Fear of others’ opinion of us. Fear based in lack, that there will not be enough to go around and that others’s success, wellbeing lessened our own. So, thanks for the important message that our shared purpose is to do good in all aspects of our lives including treating ourselves with respect for our basic goodness.
Thank you

I had to learn your message the hard way when putting urgent ahead of important. I missed my last chance to visit someone dear who was sicker than I realized. I try to honor her memory by paying attention to – and acting on – the important moments now. And I love the reminder from you that our purpose is truly simple. Wonderful post, Michele – thank you.

A client of mine worked through some exercises and then shared a very long, detailed purpose and mission statement. It was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever read. He touched on every single area of his life. And in every area, his focus was on being the best person he could be (in specific ways) — in order to serve others. Whether it was his family, his coworkers, his friends, his community…….

It was touching.

As for what is urgent versus what is important.
Well, you said it all. Great reminder!
Thanks for a fantastic post!
All the best!
deb

Wow. Thanks for this post; it really made me think, and for some reason made me feel better. Allowed me to remember that there is a lot of stress in my life that I can easily just live without, by focusing on the really important stuff. Thank you!

I was so excited to read your post Michele. My passion as a coach and a spiritual director is summed up in that idea of helping being to discover and live out of their unique expression of the deepest meaning and purpose in their lives. It is so true that if that is our focus and our anchor point we won’t be derailed by the inevitable daily crises and dramas which, if we allow them can overshadow what is actually of real and lasting significance. I resonate particularly strongly as last night was a thanksgiving celebration for the ten year anniversary of the spirituality centre I started with some colleagues. Such opportunities to look back at the longer view serve to underline what is truely important; living our meaning and purpose as fully as we can each day. Thank you.

“For years and years they have allowed urgent matters to masquerade as their life’s purpose, and accepted drama as a substitute for meaning.” — M. Woodward

Yes, yes, yes, Michele. Bingo. You hit the target. Drama = Importance!!! We/I encounter it
everyday. On the road, on the latte line, in the gym, on the tarmac, and on and on. (Oh Lordy, it does get tiring!)

I grew up in LA & NY. I wonder when the HIT TV SHOW will hit the air-slash-digital-waves & embody the foundational values of which you speak. “Hip to Your LIfe Purpose” sounds like a good one to me.

Thanks for reminding me that calm places are where all masterpieces begin to take flight.

Thank you Michele, this entry came at such a great time for me. Yoga Journal just published an interview explaining why I did my TT with them. Its the first time in my life I feel I’m putting my real me/dreams out there. Part of that big dream is that I want to complete my documentary on 10 people from around the world that were sexually abused by a family member and are thriving today. This article reminded me of my step farther and how he kept saying “he never meant to hurt me” I understand that he truly meant that in his way! Urgent and important mmmmmmm my need to fill my day with activities and why I do that mmmmmmmm. I will ponder Urgent and Important, Purpose and Meaning for always! Thank you for putting yourself out there,

Drama and urgency vs. meaning and purpose – how well stated, Michele. I am seeing more clients in my coaching practice who are ruled by the former needs. The more they allow themselves to respond to the little disappointments, the less they can live their purpose. And vice-versa. I wonder if this economic crisis is triggering people’s adrenaline (flight or flight response) more and prompting them to react bigger to even small things, like a flat tire.

I do believe that even though our physical beings are more sensitive, more reactive, we can ramp up our calming, relaxing, or spiritual practices – taking a walk in nature, being with animals, deep breathing – or whatever puts you in a place where you can get back to your source.

So true! I so often see people with urgent or dramatic problems that really have nothing to do with anything, other than filling up space and time. One of those people is me, of course 🙂 Good reminder!

“Just because something’s urgent doesn’t mean it’s important” that really stood out for me! Thanks for unpacking urgency and meaning .. too often we mistake one for the other 😉 Or rather, used to. Not anymore. Thanks for the food for thought, Tia