The main issue arising is that I don't know if the mood hangs together very well by the end. I feel like the father's apathetic veneer at being away from normal people for so long works at first. But his transition to despondent murderer doesn't seem to mesh right. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

Another problem that doesn't bother me but might bother others is that the father's sense of causality is a little looney. There is no way the Foundation/GOC/HI or whatever he works for would accept his daughters' bodies. He's supposed to be a little crazy but it might bug some people too much so let me know.

I dunno if this was the tale I actually critiqued here or not, since I went back through the forum trying to reply to all the unanswered threads and that was the Tale that was there when I did so. So either way, that Tale is critiqued in that thread now.