Friday, May 4, 2012

Okay, I'll be honest with you. I wrote down and erased a whole lot of things to get to this point. My year in short so far has been filled with things happened. My grandmother died at the start of the year, I quit smoking, I joined a gym. My poor husband's grandfather died. He and I went on a juice fast (currently still on) but I've had two bacon cheese burgers and a cookie since we started it.

I was going to go on some big introspective rant about what happens when we lose some one and what will happen when I'm long lost. I've gone to many funerals in my time (though the most recent is the only one that included the words "after the musical number...") but have always had the curious nature of what's going to be said at mine.

"She was nice! She was friendly! She was a good mom! She was cheerful! I remember that one time when..."

But how much experience do you have to have with a person, or many good things do you have to observe, before you can say who the person really was? I'm loud, I talk a lot, I have passionate opinions. I know soda is bad for you, I know car seats are best rear facing. You may know that about me, too, or at least know that I know it.

Can you really say you know a person? What makes them who they are - their experiences, opinions, morals, thoughts? Can one who observes my actions daily (ie, co-workers), or those who are around me more hours than another really say they know me better than another person?

This year has been bittersweet for me so far. I feel more is coming, something I can't even begin to imagine, and things are going to continue to change. Before they keep changing and spiral out of control, I have to make sure I don't lose my self. I've been forgetting to stay grounded lately, over whelmed with emotion.

After you go a while with out those you love and then have them back in your presence, what happens next will show you what kind of friend you have. It's the difference between picking up where you left off or catching up.

I hope people feel like they can pick back up with where they left off with me.

That's my last psudo-introspective thing for a while. Next time? Who knows.