39

81

41.6

36.5

38.8

.325

.343

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Erik Bedard cleared waivers so there'd be every chance he'd be dealt were he not Erik Bedard.

2

46

74

50.9

52.0

51.8

.418

.438

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

If it weren't for the games he didn't have a hit in, Adam Dunn would have a 114-game hitting streak.

3

46

73

47.5

43.3

44.2

.380

.362

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Sometimes, when walking, the top of something will explode, smoke will fly out, and fish will spin in circles, then Mike Redmond will wake up and realize he's about to pee in the closet again.

4

52

69

55.0

57.1

57.9

.459

.439

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Kyle Lohse has a 3.17 ERA, a 3.3:1 K/BB ratio and an arm tattoo that a college freshman after eighteen bottles of Bartles & Jaymes would refuse. That's worth 3 years, $33 million, right?

5

52

68

54.7

57.7

58.3

.464

.444

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

In three games in High-A Kris Bryant is hitting 222/.222/.889. State of the Cubs: Bad/Bad/Great!

6

53

67

52.0

55.6

56.6

.453

.433

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.2%

If Pablo Sandoval had to pick between another Giants world championship and a lifetime supply of Klondike Bars, there is legitimate concern over which he'd choose.

7

53

67

49.6

48.9

50.9

.422

.402

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

DELMON YOUNG NEGOTIATING WITH THE PHILLIES ON A TWO-YEAR DEAL REHAB I NEED REHAB!

8

54

65

53.1

54.6

54.5

.454

.474

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Looking at the Twins' and White Sox' Pythagorean records, both teams should have lost last night's game, so since the Twins won it you can expect some regression back to losing everything.

9

54

67

51.7

52.7

53.0

.437

.417

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

Some believe there are nearly infinite realities and the one we are experiencing is only but one possibility. So Padres fans can take comfort in that fact that in thousands of other worlds very similar to this one, they are celebrating instead of angrily typing replies to this comment.

10

54

66

57.1

60.1

58.9

.479

.499

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

Josh Hamilton came to bat five times and, like a toddler taking his first steps, saw a total of 20 pitches. Of course the first steps just mean it's open season on baby face-planting for the next five years.

11

55

65

51.8

55.2

54.7

.451

.471

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.0%

Joe Saunders: 4 1/3 innings, five runs, three walks, no strikeouts. Sometimes, after too much time in the spotlight, comedians become caricatures of themselves.

12

55

64

56.6

55.8

55.3

.468

.448

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

-0.4%

Zack Wheeler isn't Matt Harvey, but sometimes, if you squint hard enough... Though, in fairness, if you squint hard enough Zack Wheeler also looks like an eggplant.

65

55

63.9

61.3

61.8

.525

.545

3.0%

17.6%

20.7%

0.2%

-4.7%

65

56

63.5

62.0

62.9

.524

.544

1.1%

21.5%

22.6%

-1.2%

-5.9%

Historically speaking, if the Cleveland Indians were a chocolate bar, they'd be filled with hot air. Hot racist air. And maybe peanuts.

21

68

52

67.7

67.3

64.6

.558

.577

29.8%

46.1%

75.9%

3.3%

3.3%

Any time you can shut out the Astros you know you're at least a Triple-A pitcher, and maybe even more!

22

68

51

65.5

71.5

71.3

.580

.600

33.3%

54.4%

87.7%

3.7%

-3.0%

Before the game Joe Maddon had a python in the locker room. It's unclear if it was a stunt to improve team morale or if it was there to eat underperforming Sam Fuld.

23

69

51

74.7

71.5

70.3

.595

.575

25.8%

70.4%

96.2%

1.2%

-1.5%

In a search of things Matt Carpenter does badly I stumbled upon, ironically, carpentry. Dude can't make a cane chair to save his ever lov'n life.

24

69

52

69.9

70.0

70.3

.577

.557

28.6%

66.8%

95.4%

0.6%

2.9%

Hey kids, Joey Votto only chokes up on his bat at the ballpark. And not anywhere else. The more you know!

25

70

51

65.9

66.6

66.1

.555

.575

70.2%

21.8%

92.0%

-0.7%

11.8%

Adrian Beltre has designed a hat that will float on top of your head without ever touching it. The secret? Magnets! Next step: having them installed in his scalp. Bring on innovation!

26

70

50

65.1

67.7

66.4

.561

.541

98.6%

0.5%

99.2%

0.3%

2.7%

Yasiel Puig showed up to work yesterday, put on his white apron and began to sweep the floors. Then he thought, hey, wait a minute. MAGIC Castle, not White Castle and stomped out.

27

71

49

66.0

67.4

68.9

.569

.550

45.6%

52.7%

98.3%

-0.4%

-1.2%

Clint Barmes had two hits in four plate appearances while Andrew McCutchen went 0-for-5. So come get your Clint Barmes bobbleheads, sponsored by Small Sample Size Bank, and Snap Judgment Cheez Crackers!

28

71

49

76.0

82.0

81.0

.646

.664

98.7%

0.8%

99.5%

0.5%

0.0%

The Tigers have the most runs scored in the American League. Actually, they're tied with the Red Sox, but in three fewer games played and with 52 fewer runs allowed.

29

72

51

72.1

71.4

70.4

.581

.600

63.4%

30.2%

93.7%

-2.1%

-2.2%

Red Sox lose whatever Tom Brady is okay!

30

74

47

75.3

76.3

73.5

.618

.599

100.0%

0.0%

100.0%

0.0%

-0.0%

The Braves are 42-17 at home. I just mistyped that as '42-27' but although incorrect, that would also be notable. Whoever gets Atlanta in the playoffs will need agents to dump slow-moving endangered species onto the tarmac at Hartsfield International.