Weird Science turns to drugs to ease the pain of surrealist films

And if that doesn't work, there's always having more sex than everyone else.

Existential crisis? There's a drug for that. And it's available over the counter. I've taken acetaminophen for various forms of physical pain a number of times, but I had no idea that it also eased the pain of social rejection. But that's not the weird part—that's simply mentioned as an aside during the introduction of this paper. Apparently, acetaminophen also eases the pain inflicted by surrealist films. And it eases the fear of death.

As the title of the paper itself implies, there's a "common pain of surrealism and death," namely an existential threat to whatever meaning we've assigned to our lives. Challenge that threat, and people tend to get, well, a bit grumpy. In the experimental condition here, those who weren't given any drug were more likely to demand harsh punishment for rulebreakers after watching a surrealist film or writing an essay regarding their own death. A placebo did not ease the pain, but acetaminophen did, reducing the levels of punishment doled out down to that of the control group.

It's not how much I'm getting, it's how little you are. Lots of things contribute to people's sense of happiness, including some obvious ones like money and sex. But money doesn't only contribute directly to happiness; it also lets you feel better simply because you have more than your fellow citizen. Apparently, sex works the same way. People are happier if they're having more sex, but happier still if they think they're having more than their peers. Or, as the authors put it, happiness is "inversely correlated with the sexual frequency of others."

I'm so depressed, I can't even bother to fly. Being stuck in unpleasant or painful circumstances isn't any fun. But learning that you can't do anything about it is even worse. That's what we've concluded from studying a phenomenon called "learned helplessness" in animals like rats. When the animals can't escape a painful or stressful situation, they'll often just give up, which involves everything from sleep disorders to problems with the immune system. These symptoms make learned helplessness a model for studying depression in humans.

You might think that this complex suite of learning and behavior would require a fairly large and complex nervous system to support it. But you'd apparently be wrong, since scientists have now found that fruit flies also experience learned helplessness. Normally, when flies land on a hot surface, they move quickly to get away from it. A perverse group of researchers arranged it so the fly kept getting heated no matter what it did. So, just as with rats, the flies more or less gave up, and stopped trying to move much at all.

A left-hand turn powerful enough to make the Earth move. The National Science Foundation has funded the creation of the Earthscope Transportable Array, a collection of over 400 mobile seismometers that are gradually being moved across the country, sampling the Earth below them. And, at the same time, sampling the ocean. When ocean waves are energetic enough, they create "microseisms," small bits of seismic energy that can be detected well inland. Researchers have now found evidence that the westward shift of Hurricane Sandy—the one that sent it straight at New Jersey—made such a noticeable change in wave activity, that the Earthscope was able to detect it, even though most of its detectors were closer to the Mississippi than they were to the Hurricane.

Passing out may be in your genes, but what makes you pass out is in your environment. A common form of loss-of-consciousness called vasovagal syncope has a genetic root. Inherit just a single copy of the wrong region of the genome, and you're going to be prone to passing out (in technical terms, it's an autosomal dominant disorder). But that region was found in one large family of fainters, and the genetics of two other large families indicate that some other region must be responsible for their problems. Which suggests there may be multiple "fainting genes" scattered throughout the human genome. The authors suggest that as many as one in four people suffer from vasovagal syncope at some point in their lives, so the genetics may be rather complex.

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So, apparently I need to take more acetaminophen to help deal with my existential crisis over everyone having more sex than I am having, but the whole thing makes me so depressed I can't even be bothered to open the pill bottle, and I might as well wait for the next hurricane to come destroy me and just hope I pass out before the winds tear me apart.

Well this explains all the catfish eggs on my aquarium glass. The pepper cories had some sex, laid some eggs, so the albino bronze had to get some in. The rabautis were annoyed, had some sex of their own and the peppers decided this wasn't good enough, they needed more sex. The albinos decided this was all bollocks and had 3 straight days of incomprehensible fish sex resulting in more eggs than should be possible from such small fish.

I now have a whole tank full of little baby wiggling fishes. Oh, and there were a whole pile of new eggs on the glass this morning. We're at the point of just going "hmm, let's hatch those. I wonder what species it was this time." So far, the albino bronze cories are winning 3:1 in the "spawn more overlords" sextacular sexathon of 2013.

The upstairs tanks where there is only one species of cory present? Might get a small clutch of eggs every six months. Maybe. Downstairs tank has been 18 clutches in a single month. Can't let the neighbours win, man! Can't let them win.

I'm so depressed, I can't even bother to fly. Being stuck in unpleasant or painful circumstances isn't any fun. But learning that you can't do anything about it is even worse. That's what we've concluded from studying a phenomenon called "learned helplessness" in animals like rats. When the animals can't escape a painful or stressful situation, they'll often just give up, which involves everything from sleep disorders to problems with the immune system. These symptoms make learned helplessness a model for studying depression in humans.

Passing out may be in your genes, but what makes you pass out is in your environment. A common form of loss-of-consciousness called vasovagal syncope has a genetic root. Inherit just a single copy of the wrong region of the genome, and you're going to be prone to passing out (in technical terms, it's an autosomal dominant disorder). But that region was found in one large family of fainters, and the genetics of two other large families indicate that some other region must be responsible for their problems. Which suggests there may be multiple "fainting genes" scattered throughout the human genome. The authors suggest that as many as one in four people suffer from vasovagal syncope at some point in their lives, so the genetics may be rather complex.

This is natures way of ensuring that other predators have a healthy diet.

It's not how much I'm getting, it's how little you are. Lots of things contribute to people's sense of happiness, including some obvious ones like money and sex. But money doesn't only contribute directly to happiness; it also lets you feel better simply because you have more than your fellow citizen. Apparently, sex works the same way. People are happier if they're having more sex, but happier still if they think they're having more than their peers. Or, as the authors put it, happiness is "inversely correlated with the sexual frequency of others."

1. This explains the urge to cheat on your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. Face it, whom do we have that we can directly compare our sex lives to other than him or her? Cheating on your wife gives you the feeling (whether or not it's accurate) that you're having more sex than she is, and this will make you happy. Argh! Sometimes science just flies in the face of what ought to be.

2. This explains why we lie about sex. Both sides, actually. 2.a. You lie to your wife and your friends about the fact that you're fucking your friends' wives. Because if they knew you were having more sex with their wives than they are, they would definitely be less happy.2.b. You exaggerate the number of men or women you've had sex with because who wants other people to think you're not as happy as you can be? And if they are made less happy by the impression that you are getting more, that makes you happier than them, by comparison.

3. This explains why religions try to keep their young people from having sex. It makes the older members happier to realize the younger ones aren't getting theirs. Or at least it gets them to conceal their rich sex lives from those who matter allowing them to be happier. Everybody is happier knowing Father Kelly isn't getting any at all.

So, apparently I need to take more acetaminophen to help deal with my existential crisis over everyone having more sex than I am having, but the whole thing makes me so depressed I can't even be bothered to open the pill bottle, and I might as well wait for the next hurricane to come destroy me and just hope I pass out before the winds tear me apart.

2. This explains why we lie about sex. Both sides, actually. 2.a. You lie to your wife and your friends about the fact that you're fucking your friends' wives. Because if they knew you were having more sex with their wives than they are, they would definitely be less happy.2.b. You exaggerate the number of men or women you've had sex with because who wants other people to think you're not as happy as you can be? And if they are made less happy by the impression that you are getting more, that makes you happier than them, by comparison.

Sounds like we should all pretend to be having LESS sex so as not to make our peers feel bad.

So, apparently I need to take more acetaminophen to help deal with my existential crisis over everyone having more sex than I am having, but the whole thing makes me so depressed I can't even be bothered to open the pill bottle, and I might as well wait for the next hurricane to come destroy me and just hope I pass out before the winds tear me apart.

So the author believed, even having sex with ugly partners would also make him happy and even happier? This analogy works on some people but not all the people. It also depends on whether that guy or that girl really need that bit of happiness at that moment's thought. My take is, for the average guys and girls, they are happier even having less sex than normal as long as the sex partners are their love one. Believe me, that count the most.

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but happier still if they think they're having more than their peers.

I like to know what's someone else sex life have anything to do with your happiness? If one who really having this thought, I suggested he/she/it need some professional help. I can say this, this guy is a weird dude. Or well be the next Boston bomber. :-)

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Passing out may be in your genes,

Over sex could also caused you pass out, or even death. Ever heard of anyone who died with the hard-on? The truth is out there.

2. This explains why we lie about sex. Both sides, actually. 2.a. You lie to your wife and your friends about the fact that you're fucking your friends' wives. Because if they knew you were having more sex with their wives than they are, they would definitely be less happy.2.b. You exaggerate the number of men or women you've had sex with because who wants other people to think you're not as happy as you can be? And if they are made less happy by the impression that you are getting more, that makes you happier than them, by comparison.

Sounds like we should all pretend to be having LESS sex so as not to make our peers feel bad.

It's not all about you. But rest assured, if I'm fucking your wife I'm not going to tell you.

Is easy to manufacture a solution in someone's head if you also manufacture the problem in their head. Tell someone they have a problem they don't have and fix it with a placebo. A nice new industry.

It's been here for a long time. Many professionals got rich over this and have passed their wealth to their children. But hey you have got one of the best logic I have not heard of over the years. Isn't it a shame how our morality went down to the gutter, and knowing some people would do such piece of crap to other human just for their gain of more money? There are a whole bunch of these scumbags out there.

So, apparently I need to take more acetaminophen to help deal with my existential crisis over everyone having more sex than I am having, but the whole thing makes me so depressed I can't even be bothered to open the pill bottle, and I might as well wait for the next hurricane to come destroy me and just hope I pass out before the winds tear me apart.

Well, okay then.

Other options:b) stop over valuing sex and live for things that bring your life lasting fulfillmentc) become a narcissistic ladies man. You can start by finding the narcissists in your area and copying their behavior. You'll be miserable in the end, but you'll get laid plenty and people will worship you... :-\