MAYOR ANNOUNCES FORMATION OF NEW "GERITOL PITTSBURGH COMMISSION" FOR RESIDENTS 65 AND OLDER

LUKE RAVENSTAHL SAYS AS SOON AS HE THINKS OF CLEVER NAMES FOR OTHER AGE GROUPS YET TO BE REPRESENTED IN HIS MASTER PLAN TO RETAIN PITTSBURGHERS, HE WILL FORM MORE COMMISSIONS

Seniors at Carnegie Library in Oakland work on detailed reports for Mayor Luke Ravenstahl on their initiative to retain the elderly. According to spokesperson Elizabeth Henrietta, the group has accomplished more in one afternoon than the coveted "40 and under" leagues have in five years. "Unless you count keeping the local bars in business," she chuckled