Archive for June, 2010

Old man: Wait–what you think you doing? This here's the line!Lady in nurse scrubs: I just want to get a passport application.Old man: Well, I just want to get a box. Everybody in this line just wants to get something.(turns to next person in line)Old man: What you want to get?Next person in line: Some stamps.Following person in line: A money order.Old man: See, honey–they all just want to get something!

Middle-aged woman to 20-something guy hand-rolling a cigarette: You know, it looks like you're rolling a joint there.Guy, laughing: Little early in the day for that, don't you think?Middle-aged woman: Not for me.

Husband: I can never remember the name of the other one. There's D'Artagnan, Aramis, and Porthos. I always want to call the last guy “Pathos,” but I know that's not it.Wife: Isn't it Leonardo?Husband: No, that's one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Apple executive, about owner: The way I see it, you plop down 14 dollars to listen to Kenny talk for an hour.Fire department regular, paying check: I'd pay 24 dollars for Kenny to shut the fuck up while I'm trying to eat.