Getting all colonial in Union Square, watching crabs rut in Marine Park, letting go of fancy F-train plans in the Slope, and busting the gays in Forest Hills. All that and more in our week's-end boroughs report.

Cobble Hill: Just as young parents here suffer the creeping feeling that their edgy youthful coolness is slipping away between their fingers, along comes an Urban Outfitters to profit off all their insecurities! [Cobble Hill Blog]
Clinton: Spitzer's resignation may put a further drag on the development of Hudson Yards and Moynihan Station, already slowed by the credit crisis. [Crain's NY]
East Village: Lest you think Trader Joe's mania was dropping off, please note that the line to get in was back this weekend. No frozen organic brown rice for you, little low-income vegan! [East Village Idiot]

Cobble Hill: Whether that house on Kane Street where the old lady lives is infested with rats or squirrels is now a moot point — the city's ordered her to vacate, and trusty NY1 is on the story! [Lost NYC]
Greenwich Village: The Department of Buildings is bitter because the developer of the units that went up over landmark Circle in the Square theater lied and said they'd be used for dorms. They're not, meaning no zoning breaks. Meaning pare down those hideous balconies! [Villager]
Lower Manhattan: Also bitter are Seaport locals, who laughed in the face of moguls last night who offered them community use of the Fulton Market floor where the "Bodies" exhibit is in exchange for development. Looks like they want waaaay more public space than that. [Downtown Express]

Meatpacking District: With the wave of recent restaurant and nightlife closings, this area seems doomed, but Los Dados and long-delayed Merkato 55 might be able to salvage the hip destination, at least "on its western perimeter." [Zagat]
Midtown East: Midtown Lunch finagled a sneak peak of Sakae Sushi’s conveyor belt and loses his cool: "If you’ve been to an outlet overseas, you may end up disappointed by the first US location which lacks some of the uniqueness or ‘cool’ factor of the locations in Asia. That’s because they felt a more subdued location would be more appealing to the clientele of Midtown.… Even when we get something cool, we get screwed." [Midtown Lunch]
Park Slope: Lebanese Laila has closed, which doesn’t seem like a surprise since it was across the street from "the better, cheaper Olive Vine." [TONY]
South Slope: The Fourth Avenue soup man has officially given up his spot in preparation for a new fancy condo. [Eat for Victory/VV]
Upper West Side: China Fun is getting in on the New Year shill fest: Submit 500 words (or fewer) on why you want to celebrate the Year of the Rat at China Fun (info@chinafun-ny.com), and you could win a banquet for eight.
West Village: After losing its lease, Italian sandwich destination Crosby Connection is moving from its hole-in-the-wall to an actual restaurant space a couple of blocks away. [The Gluttoness]

Bushwick: Have Bedford-Stuyvesant landlords pushed the media to join them in identifying Bed-Stuy locales as part of trendier Bushwick? This blogger says that this fire really took place in the Stuy, but that's not how the news reported it. [BushwickBK]
Chelsea: The old-school drunks still gather at the old-school Peter McManus Cafe, but after 7 p.m., THE KIDS arrive. Beware! [Vanishing NY]
Clinton: Folks from the 34th St. Partnership are trying to build a bike parking lot (isn't that crazy!) on 33rd Street between Eighth and Ninth. If you have the $200,000 they need to pay for it, let them know. [Gothamist]

Chelsea: It used to be the tranny hookers on 14th Street who advertised as "Not too fancy, always delicious!" Now it's just the Treats Truck. [Vanishing New York]
Crown Heights: If the Slope's old armory gets to become a swank new athletic center, why not the one here? That's what council member Tish James wants to know… [Brownstoner]
Dumbo: Remember 2005, when it wasn't completely certain the neighborhood was going the way of a bourgeois, sanitized, amenity-rich enclave? Seems so long ago… [DumboNYC]
Hell's Kitchen:Time Out New York learns that the hood ain't just for thugs and tramps anymore, scoring it higher than the East and West Village. [Hell's Kitchen NYC]
Park Slope: OMG, the new debit-card machines at the food co-op actually work. That's so awesome! [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]
South Slope: What would this fifties family think if they knew that the home they vacated to make room for the Prospect Expressway is now the site of a dumpy unused park? That's a shondah. [Icky in Brooklyn]
Upper East Side: What we love most about this high-profile battle between a laundromat and a customer is that the launderer apparently changed his name from Todd Ofsink to Todd Layne. Isn't having "sink" in your name a good thing for a launderer? [78thand2nd]

Greenpoint: Got a crack problem? Call the Crack Pros! [Newyorkshitty]
Highbridge: After it demolished Macombs Dam Park to make way for the new Yankee Stadium, the city put up a replacement — but it's not easy to get to and pretty nasty once you get there. [VV via West Bronx Blog]
Murray Hill: Looks like the SUNY-Binghamton biz-major girls with the blowouts finally have their very own East Side bar(f) guide. [East Village Idiot]
South Slope: That Enrique Norten condo slated for Fourth Avenue and 6th Street won't happen after all … but another Norten proceeds apace nearby on Carroll. [Brownstoner]
Upper East Side: Buttercream or vanilla-bean icing on that wedding cake? Roasted cod at Café D'Alsace? This poor UES gal faces hard choices that make Sophie's look silly. [Sex and the Upper East Side]
West Village: Thanks to a new street plaza, you can lounge in the meatpacking district without spending $20 on a drink … if you don't mind mainlining car-exhaust fumes. [Streetsblog]
Williamsburg: Redevelopment of the Domino Sugar plant could double the population within a quarter-mile radius. Twice the pseudo-hipsters, twice the fun! [Gowanus Lounge]

Bay Ridge: How close were you to the tornado? Check this map to find out. [McBrooklyn]
Coney Island: Astroland rides are off the market, for now. [Bloomberg via Kinetic Carnival]
East Village: St. Mark's Hotel is still the best one in the city for a cheap quickie. Yikes. [Gridskipper]
Forest Hills: There's photographic proof that Trader Joe's is really coming. [Forest Hills 72]
Gowanus: Put down $15 million for a warehouse on Third Avenue now, and just wait for zoning laws to go your way. [Brownstoner]
Riverdale: Will a Starbucks open here, too? [HuntGrunt]
South Slope: The shoddy building at 18-20 Jackson Place finally collapsed! [Gowanus Lounge]

Bedford-Stuyvesant: The local little league team will play on the White House lawn July 15 as part of a Jackie Robinson tribute. [Bed-Stuy Blog]
Bushwick: When you move into this hood, the so-called welcome wagon is a napkin full of trash dumped at your door. [BushwickBK]
Long Island City: Nespresso, a division of Nestle, will move its HQ into Court Square Place, the new blue glass building near the Citibank Tower. But … will they move in Quik? [OuterB]
Lower East Side: It'll get very fancy on old Delancey indeed when H&M opens its latest branch there, which is today's hot retail rumor. [Curbed]
South Slope: Snarks are saying that this new building on Fourth and Baltic is so ugly they yearn for the gas station that used to be here. Ouch, mama! [Gowanus Lounge]
West Village: At least one British expat thinks it's disingenuous that a "grassroots" campaign to rename part of the hood "Little Britain" is being backed by corporate giant Virgin Atlantic. [Englishman in New York]