This happens to me all the time with my dang animals. They are so animalistic of the music kind. My ears bleed and the neighbor dogs go hog wild.. and then we have this. A dog trying to get an audition for American Idol and I am now $5,000.00 knee deep in expenses for grooming and ball tucking. The procedure to pin back this dogs ear's is worse than Hei […]

Well every time I have think I have seen it all, a hairy bear tells me different. If you told me a bear shits in the woods ONLY I would normally believe you but somehow I think now that Bears shits in toilets and wanted a bidet to get all fresh like the rest of us. This bear waves so frantically at the passer byes and I want to have spa time with this bear. […]

Who hasn't thought about waving around a dead friend partying all night until he turns blue while we all get our drink on while toasting our friend? NOT ME!! Who does this shit? Unless I was on many hits of acid that I saw cola's all through the night and vision of me dancing with this stiff? Hope I didn't make out with this stiff. Less more?I […]

The Naked Detective

Now we’re into them newfangled moving pictures. This here’s called The Naked Detective and released in 1996. Looky at the blonde suspect right smack in the middle. I’ll bet we’re gonna be seeing more of her in this flick.

WARNING – This link contains photos that are NSFW. This is not suitable for work. I’m not kidding and I’m not going to listen to anyone bitch if you click this from somewhere that may get you in trouble.

Basic Storyline

Low-rent private dick Sam Drake is called on to identify which heir is trying to kill a wealthy old man. At the old gentleman’s mansion, he encounters an assortment of beautiful women who in turn engage him in all sorts of unpredictable and zany sexual situations spoofing the detective genre clichés.

The one and only review at IMDB for The Naked Detective

I just finished watching “The Naked Detective” and boy, was that movie something. The women in this film were HOT. Let me say that again…they were HOT! After that nurse came strutting out, I didn’t even care that much about the plot anymore, just get that nurse naked.

We start with Sam Drake, Private Eye. He’s in his run-down office, while he’s narrating in the style of the old film-noir movies of the 40’s. In walks Roxanne (Taylor St. Clair), in true femme fatale fashion. It seems that someone is trying to kill her old, clinging-to-life husband Higgie. When I saw this guy, hunched over in a wheelchair, I knew that any woman who looked like Roxanne was obviously married to a geezer like this for his money.

Also populating the household are Carlo, the chauffeur, Higgie’s son Junior, his money-grubbing wife Irene (Julia Parton), the naughty nurse Annie O’Shea (Camille Donatacci), and the horny maid Jane (Carolyn R. Smith). These four women (Roxanne, Irene, Annie, and Jane) have got to be the best looking foursome of women I’ve EVER seen in a softcore flick. I’ve seen movies with better casts, but that’s usually because there’s 6 or 7 women in them. To get this much out of so little is amazing. Annie was the best looking woman out of them all, though. Blonde, busty and very curvy….oh man, I need a cold shower.

All of the women were trying, in one way or another, kill the old guy to get the jackpot. So, when he does drop dead during dinner, the search goes out for the culprit. Sam Drake spends the weekend interrogating (and having sex with) all the women of the household. When he does finally find out where the newly-written will is and figures out just whodunit, it seems anti-climactic. The final scene, where Sam spells out who did it in true detective fashion, was hilarious. Furthermore, there was plenty of funny dialogue throughout the movie, such as Sam agreeing to take on Roxanne’s case for $30 a day and an egg salad….no wait, a tuna fish sandwich. The story was a little flimsy, but the high “Women” grade makes up for that. The comedic dialogue balances the shallowness of the storyline. The sex scenes were all in slow motion, as if I was watching one of those softcore films Marilyn Chambers usually does. All in all, this one was tapeworthy, and I’m sure glad I taped it.

Women: A++ (The first ever A-plus-plus grade goes to this fearsome foursome of ladies. If I lived in a house with a wife that looked like Roxanne, a maid like Jane, a nurse like Annie, and a daughter-in-law like Irene, I would be an extremely happy man.)

Sex: B (Plenty of sex scenes, but in painfully slow motion. Speed them up and we’ve got something here.)

Story: B+ (Your run-of-the-mill whodunit, but the funny dialogue won me over and made me overlook most of the plotholes.)

Overall: A- (This one hangs on in the “A” range on the strength of its female cast. The sex scenes were good, but not great, and the comedy in the script kept me laughing in between the sex scenes. A definite change of pace from the usual “erotic thriller” stuff I’ve been seeing too much of lately.)