Thursday, March 17, 2016

Fear Of Recurrence

Face it, that's what we are all scared of. Will it come back????? Once you get cancer, you spend the rest of your life wondering at some level 'will it come back?' or 'will they catch it in time?'

The biggest thing about learning to cope with a cancer diagnosis is learning to squish that evil little voice that asks 'will it come back?' when ever you aren't expecting. Sometimes I feel I need a little punching bag or something that I can smash with a baseball bat and beat the crap out of when I feel the need.

[Actually I think all post cancer treatment packs should come with a stress relieving punching bag or something. Complete with a personalized baseball bat or punching bag. Something we could beat the crap out of just to calm our nerves. Does anyone else want one?]

I am serious. That evil voice sometimes is muted or is silent for a while, but we know its not going to last. Learning to control it from taking over your life what we all strive for. I can tell you that while sometimes I have to count back to the dates of diagnoses, but that damn voice never goes away. It lurks in the background. It usually grows in response to how near I am to a medical facility or personnel, especially when any kinds of tests are taking place.

The other little evil voice is the one that says 'what if I get another cancer?' Maybe we need a whack-a-mole game that we can smash to get rid of both.

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About Me

Married to the most wonderful man.
My list of ailments so you can keep up: slowly healing left sprained ankle, right knee partially torn ACL, left knee osteoarthritis, bursitis both hips, lymphedema issues left arm, tennis elbow right arm, degenerating disks in my back - a chronic issue that cannot be repaired by surgery and only the symptoms can be treated and some weird neuro muscular issues that causes all kinds of pain in my upper back. Oh, and then there is that cancer thing twice now... But I'm still here.

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If you want to follow my story and ramblings through the medical world, you need to start reading the oldest post first which is at the very bottom or you can jump to it by going to June 2007 and look for 'My Big Announcement'. I started this blog so I could keep my friends and family up on my dealings with breast cancer but now it has evolved into my take on the medical world as well as my medical ups and downs. I have not listed my email address but if you know me, you know how to contact me. I always welcome emails. You can also find me on Twitter @carolinemfr and on Facebook. Otherwise, feel free to leave a comment!

But no I do not write about suggested topics or other people's blogs or other ailments so do not bother asking. Sorry.