I have the money, yet I don't. There's nothing I can do but wait on banks and finance and sit here and brood and get angry and list to myself the way I am fucking up, yet again.

I am so tempted to just leave work, to quit and walk away. I can't stop thinking about the promises I've made to my children, the plans I had for this weekend to take them on trips, to give them what they deserve.

And I let them down. The way I do.

So, instead of ruining our lives by quitting a job we need, I call home to talk to my two year old twins. My daughter tells me she loves me, and then says the words that stop the dam of hurt spilling out of me.

I tell her things, and never realize what an impact my words have, until I hear her saying something to me that I say to her.

"So proud of you, momma."

And that does it. I can sit here, even though I'll be blinking back tears all day. I can sit here, and I can stay at this job, because I want to make my daughter proud.

26 comments:

I'm proud of you too my sweetheart. These damn spanners in the works...don't let it over-ride things. Go yell at HR, you'll feel better and we're used to it....plus they should be making sure you are paid.

I haven't had a paycheck for two months now, and won't get paid until the 15th. This hit home for me. Your daughter isn't the only who is proud of you, Sal. :) Here's to hoping we both sit down and write The Mediocre American Novel one day.

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