Most people have a conditioned belief that love is something to be sought after. That it is derived from the attention and approval of another person, or many persons. In fact many peoples’ lives are centrally focused upon finding a symbol of love in a romantic relationship, hopefully to turn into a marriage, children, and life long security in the way of finance and familial support. This is just a given fact of life of which a lot of humanity never even takes into question. For many, feeling loved and accepted by others is the key to happiness. We shape and mold ourselves into personalities that are far from authentic in order to acquire this so-called love. We are influenced by the media, TV shows, music videos, and shape shift into the characters we see getting the attention we seek. In the name of “love” we tighten our belly muscles, push our chest out, and create general tension and stress in the body. We buy products we see advertised that promise to fill the void on the inside and draw love to us from the outside. In fact for many, without this outside approval, the love of a romantic partner, or the acceptance of others, we feel rejected and undesired, at times leading to depression. The question is, is it worth all of this effort to seek love on the outside when we already have it on the inside?

I remember growing up, my mother use to sing to us, “Looking for love in all the wrong places”. At the time, I didn’t understand these words; however 20 years of life experience later those words run in my mind like a mantra. When I find myself looking for the love and approval of another, twisting and turning my mind and sense of self into something I am not, I think of her words. There is no way to control the way others view us, however we are ultimately powerful within to create a joyful experience of life by way of one’s own personal outlook. Why give a shit what others think? Why be a hamster running in a wheel, spinning but going nowhere in the name of “love”, especially when love is closer than the next breath.

I’m 35 years old and have been in very few partnerships in my life. This is not because I am not friendly, social, attractive, fun etc, because I consider myself all of these things. It is because my personal connection with love, joy, life, god, experience, whatever name you want to use for it, has always been primary. Instead of raising a family over the past 15 years I have spent my time practicing to remember my own connection with joy and life within first. From Ashrams in India, to the jungle of Peru, the Hawaiin ocean, The sweat lodge, the tipi, and most of all my own body/mid/heart, I have traveled all over to keep coming back to the simple goodness of right here and now. Over the years it has become imperative to me to love my life, develop a full present moment awareness, and a positive outlook so I can hold my center in life regardless of the fluctuations that happen outside of me.

There is no way to control others. Everyone is on their own journey and some are aware of their ability to shape, transform and grow into love while others remain ignorant, lazy and fearful of change. The rewards of spiritual practice are plentiful. One of the main gains I have found along this journey is a deep internal reliance on an experience of love and present moment joy no matter what storm system is passing through on the landscape of life. In every moment, no matter what the circumstances, there is an opportunity to experience the beauty of now, the absolute magic of existence. The most extreme of these stories are of those who connect with love in complete tragedy, like Auschwitz, Vietnam, in the face of a life threatening illness, the loss of a loved one, during heart break etc.

For underneath the surface of pain is the tapestry of love, the foundation of existence. Yes terrible things happen in life, however we have the power within to see the light in every situation and find love, forgiveness, understanding, and peace even amongst the most challenging moments. In fact when we apply the strength of heart within in trying times we usually find ourselves to be more enlightened there after.

Like most other humans I desire happiness, the company of others, partnership, and comforts. Yet I desire true freedom above all else. Unconditional joy and love feels more sustainable and trustworthy than one that depends on outer circumstances to line up according to my wants. When pleasurable experiences manifest in my life I work to enjoy them and yet not to become attached to the cause of the happiness. It is constant mind/heart training to fully bask in the beautiful moments that life presents without becoming attached to them. For it is in the longing that we create the cycle of suffering. Instead, what would it be like to enjoy all the moments of life equally, whether it is in the peek of orgasm, the silence on aloneness, the touch of the air on the skin, the stillness of sleep, or even moments of pain. This is the work of the Jedi.

Cast All Your Votes For Dancing

I know the voice of depressionStill calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your lifeStill send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend nowAnd look so much stronger.

You can stay that wayAnd even bloom!

Keep squeezing drops of the SunFrom your prayers and work and musicAnd from your companions’ beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the SunFrom the sacred hands and glance of your BelovedAnd, my dear,From the most insignificant movementsOf your own holy body.

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coinsThat may buy you just a moment of pleasure,But then drag you for daysLike a broken manBehind a farting camel.

You are with the Friend now.Learn what actions of yours delight Him,What actions of yours bring freedomAnd Love.

Over the past 4 years I have split my life between the paradise of Kauai, one of the Hawaiian Islands, and the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia. In 2009 I moved to Kauai to attend school for bodywork and consciousness training at The Pacific Center of Awareness and Bodywork. I lived there until 2012 when my heart took me to Philadelphia to create the Ahimsa House, with a dear sister Meg Ferrigno.

I had been living in the Kalalua Valley, off in the bush of Kauai, 11 miles from civilization, electricity and technology for the months prior to visiting Meg in Philadelphia. Living so close to nature, gathering my own wood and water for survival while sleeping to the sounds of the near by river, healed my body, mind and soul in ways only mother earth has the capacity to do. Living so simply inspired the feeling of aliveness in me. I felt for the first time that I was not under the control of a system I was born into without choice, but instead an active participant in my life's upkeep and welfare. I understood why people lived like that, isolated from the confines of modern culture and the grind we normally live under. My time in that valley ignited a deep desire in my heart to serve nature, to live closer to the earths heartbeat, and to love and cherish this precious life. Therefore when I left the valley and flew to the mainland for my yearly visit, I was ripe for change and growth. During that trip, while visiting Meg she asked if I would be willing to partner with her to start the Ahimsa House, a center for non-violence, practices of peace, simple living and conscious consumerism in West Philadelphia. For some reason It seemed like an obvious transition; from deep in the heart of mother nature, to the pulse of the city’s veins. From the gifts I received in the Kalalua valley I wanted to give back and offer others the opportunity to know peace and connection. So began the project of generosity we named the Ahimsa house.

My passion to serve and love has grown exponentially in the past 3 years since moving to Philadelphia and giving myself to my work here. Philly opened its arms to me and put me fast to work creating this community center, a bodywork practice, and co-directing a Yoga teacher training. The sound of cars is not quite as soothing as the sounds of running water close by, however, the feeling of service and giving back to this life is exactly what the Kalalua valley was downloading into my system for those months i spent back there.

At Ahimsa a wide variety of classes, teachers, workshops and community colors our center. Everything from daily yoga classes, meditation sits, food not bombs, gardening, permaculture, authentic movement, art classes, fermentation workshops, poetry reads, music, healing workshops and more take place at Ahimsa House. Everything we offer is on Dana, or generosity, meaning that all classes are on a wide-open donation scale. We encourage people to donate first and foremost by taking what they learn inside the classroom and live it, thereby bringing more peace to the world. If folks want to contribute in other ways we have a donation box for $, encourage people to help out around the house, garden, offer classes and all other creative ways of giving back.

There is an empty lot that is next door to our center which we use as a community garden. This past year it was under contract for development; however, our community came together to save the lot via fundraisers and more. So far we have raised over $30,000 in the past 4 months (we still need $50,000 more if you feel inspired to help us save our Green space, this is not a plug).

Every day my cup is filled knowing that the work that we are doing at Ahimsa is bettering peoples lives and creating peace and refuge in the community. This service project which pulled me from the cathedral of mother earth to a concrete jungle, is one of the best moves I've ever made. For paradise is everywhere, you just have to open your eyes and serve (and escape to nature!).

Who would think someone could have convinced me to start writing pubic posts, and yet here we are. Folks have encouraged me to write my life story for years now, in fact, a few have even offered to do it for me. I always laughed at the idea, being that I have never taken myself to be a writer or my life to be that interesting to others. However, over the years I have come to realize I have lived a pretty unique 35 years on this planet thus far, and maybe through story it will inspire others to do the same. From Alabama To Massachusetts to India, North Carolina, Kauai and now Philly....