Paralyzed since I was 18 years old, I have spent much of the last 30 years thinking about the reasons why the social life of crippled people is so different from those who ambulate on two feet. After reading about the so called Ashley Treatment I decided it was time to write a book about my life as a crippled man. My book, Bad Cripple: A Protest from an Invisible Man, will be published by Counter Punch. I hope my book will completed soon.

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Monday, October 18, 2010

How Not To Lose Your Mind

I will be going to wound care Thursday. Unlike my first experience when I was extremely worried before my appointment, this week I eagerly look forward to wound care. In large part I am eager to go to wound care because I get to sit up. Of course my sitting is limited, severely limited in fact, but it is sitting. I get to leave my living room, breath fresh air, get in a car (though lying down in the back) and see trees, cars, and other humans. I get to push myself from the hospital entrance to the wound care center. Again, this may not sound like much but when you are stuck in bed all day for weeks on end this short foray into the real world is liberating albeit brief and limited.

So what do I do to keep myself from going nuts? The usual helps--reading, writing, surfing the internet, watching television at night. Helping me somewhat is the start of the hockey season--I am a die hard NY Ranger fan and watch every game humanly possible. But I have added a twist to the above coping methods. I bought a gaming console--an XBOX 360 and am playing with my son's games. This is a great time consuming distraction. Yet I worry if I have lost my mind. I think of the games made for the XBOX as kid stuff but I must confess I find the Halo series of games addictive. I don't play for hours on end as my son did in middle school but I sure do enjoy shooting aliens for some unknown reason. I also rationalize that I am bad at the games I play. My son plays on the legendary level while I am content at easy. The difference between the two is stark. Yet, here I am wondering if my mind will turn to mush if I keep playing XBOX. Am I doomed? Is my finely tuned mind, replete with PhD from an Ivy League school being wasted? Can I accept the XBOX as nothing more than a temporary solution to my current social and physical isolation? Am I just rationalizing in an effort to justify what might not be age appropriate gaming? Or am I close minded? Should I accept gaming as part of modern life and an acceptable outlet for a person of an age? I posed these questions to my son who sighed heavily and said "Dad, it is okay to have fun. You do not need to intellectualize everything you do". Now that was an answer that I liked.

5 comments:

Hi,Don't like the term "wheelchair bound" but this is how I found you.Good luck getting out in a few days.I got out today for about a half hour. Seeing my doc in about 2 weeks again. The best part about getting out is the fresh air!

Hi, I've stumbled across your blog today, and have been reading through your posts with great interest and amazement. You are incredibly brave, and have a wonderful audience who support you on here, just what you need.

I love that your playing XBox games, and find it so funny you think the games might be 'kid stuff' - I am 28 and consider it a perfectly good use of time (though I have an older Playstation 2 and Gamecube). You are not dying of boredom, you are keeping your brain active and thinking what you need to do next in the game - also exercising good eye hand co-ordination when operating the console controller. Your keeping your brain in much better condition than mindlessly watching TV you find boring or bad novels - you are engaged with the subject, and it IS fun shooting aliens! Anything that puts a smile on your face is good! Well Done! :)

Oh, I almost forgot to say, my Dad loves Playstation games, and he's 60 years old. He shoots zombies in Resident Evil games, and he can play them for hours at a time! Perfectly good for keeping your brain going! :)