We were late to swimming lessons because of an accident on the freeway. We sat in the car as I tried not to throw up because of the migraine.

My son had a fill in instructor because his regular instructor was sick – new people can take some time for him to trust.
I did something to my left hip so now I can barely walk because of the pain.

We stopped at Starbucks between swim and rec therapy when I saw that his kindle was not working, battery 100% but not connecting… Have to add calling Amazon to my list of things to do today.

We get to rec therapy only to be reminded that the appt had been cancelled earlier last week. I knew this but forgot. So now I have to get my 4ft 53lbs son out of the lobby while explaining to him that there would be no therapy today. Instant changes in schedule are challenging for him. I pick him up off the floor numerous times as I try to ease him out the door. The whole time he is crying and pointing to the gym.

I get him out the door and stop to sit in the shade for a minute to help him calm down. Shade is 97 degrees and humid. Sweat is rolling down my face as my son calms down. And I feel like I am going to throw up again.

Then, to top it all off, a stranger comes up to me and says, “Excuse me. I don’t want to bother you…” I look at her having no idea what she would say to me at this minute other than to criticize me….

“I just want you to know you are doing an amazing job. I’ve seen you here with him for the past few weeks and I just wanted to tell you you’re an amazing mom.”

Tears as I say thank you.

“He’s a beautiful boy… That’s all I wanted to say.” She smiles and walks away.

My son climbs on to my lap and snuggles for a couple minutes and then walks willingly with me to the car.

I don’t know if the wet on my cheeks are sweat or tears as I sit in the car wipe them from my face.

I remember specific times in my life when I decided I needed to transform something about myself, first career job with the airline, my divorce, becoming a flight attendant, and more and I remember making very specific choices so that I would be better aligned with the life I was creating. I guess this is why I was so drawn to taking Life Coaching… As I have gotten older, and especially since I became a mom, I have somehow lost that simple, straightforward ability to transform. It’s not that I haven’t changed, I’ve changed a lot in that time, but it has not been my conscious choice that got me there but it was me adapting to the dramatic and traumatic changes that occurred in my life since 2010. I’m sure there are many reasons for this and I’m sure one of them is the fact that I am no longer living my life just for me but also for my son. Now this of course would seem to make me feel more likely to make changes… but alas, no. It’s harder. For so many reasons, it’s just harder…

Bring in the Wonder Woman movie… Yup, I said it. Yup, I saw it. And yup it affected me. Without going in to a lot of detail I will just explain that it was a scene in which young Wonder Woman was training to fight. Her trainer yells at her a number of times “You are stronger than that!” and Wonder Woman gets up after being knocked down and begins to fight again. And for whatever reason, the stars where aligned, I was ready, I actually felt that statement, and internalized it. It felt as though she was talking to me “You are stronger than that!” and I felt it, in my body… As silly as it seems, I felt it. My trainer was my life, the past 7 years especially. And life was screaming at me “YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THAT!”

And then I watched “What the Health” – All about just how bad meat is for us…. I’ve done meatless a couple of times in my life. The last time was when I found out I was pregnant. After I got past “morning” sickness and learned I was carrying twins I could not get enough animal protein in me. Since then I have used protein, caffeine and sugar to function through the stress and lack of sleep since then but now I feel like crap…

And so here I am conscious transformation, starting with my diet. I just don’t feel well far too often these days. It’s time for a change… So, I am writing down all the physical annoyances, frustrations, and pain I feel in my body. Diffused all over body pain (diagnosed fibromyalgia), over weight, swollen ankles and throat, startings of arthritis, circles under my eyes, fatigue, nails breaking, dry skin patches, migraines, vertigo, belly pain, bouts of IBS, red eyes, sinus pain/pressure, bloating, sore throat, intolerance to heat, hives, muscle tightness and spasms….. I’m sure there is one or two that I am missing but I think I’ve got most of them listed.

So what I am doing, as of tomorrow, is a 10 day vegan smoothie extravaganza – no meat, no dairy, no gluten, no processed sugar, no soy but all the plant based foods I want. After I do this for 10 days I will weigh myself and go through my feeling like crap list and see how I feel. Then I’ll figure it out from there.

Are you here to change the world or be the change you want to see in the world? I know some of you reading this know that you are. If you look at the dark and believe there should be more light, if you want to raise the vibration of the earth, if you wish to help people awaken, if you consider yourself a light worker, healer, facilitator, agent of change of any kind then I ask you to consider this…

If you are here to change the world, for you to complete your task/mission/purpose there must be something to change. If you consider yourself a light worker, then there must be dark that needs light or you will not be able to reach your intention. So to change the world there must be things that need changing. To enlighten the world there must be things that need enlightening. To heal the world there must be things that need healing. If this is true, then why rage at the dark, the low vibration, the wounded? Without it you cannot do your work and fulfill your purpose. The sun lights the earth. That is what it does. Can you imagine if it got angry every time it was called to work? That’s a lot of energy wasted on things other than doing the work it was created to do.

Embrace the knowing that change is happening. That is happening through you and with you when you make the conscious choice. It is through those changes that we are given the opportunity to fulfill our role in this world. If you are here to change the world then do it with thoughtfulness, mindfulness, awareness and kindness.

Bless the dark. Bless the light. Do your work and don’t waste time on raging against what is, raging against the very thing that gives you the work you believe you were meant to do.

Nothing is more frustrating than when I hear “I shouldn’t…” or “You/they shouldn’t…” which is even worse.And I hear it, at least once a week from my clients. It’s often used in this type of format….

“I know I shouldn’t be angry but I just feel mad.”My response “Why shouldn’t you be angry?” Their response often points to some type of spiritual guideline or goal. The word angry could be replaced with any “negative” word experience and the reason they believe they shouldn’t feel that way is often because there is the belief that being spiritual, awakened, aware, it’s not feeling these feelings. This works for any feeling that you believe you should be better than.

“Serenity NOW!” – for those of you familiar with Seinfeld you know what happens at the end of that show. It’s fictional and a TV show but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hold truth. The core truth is that ignoring what you feel because you don’t want to feel it NEVER works in your favor. I rarely say never but in this situation it is absolutely appropriate.

I think it’s fair to say that all of us have an ideal us. The person we would like to be in our lives. Often those ideals include strength, courage, kindness, happiness, honesty, integrity, and there are millions of other characteristics we might choose or desire for the ideal us. And the truth is that in real life we will have times, sometimes a lot of times, where our real lives do not match our ideal selves. And so often the response is to just ignore the feelings so that they don’t show up on the outside but then actually berate ourselves on the inside for being so weak/stupid/wrong, etc, as to feel what we think we should not feel.

So, feelings.. Feelings take up a lot of space and time in our lives and our energy space. We want certain feelings and don’t want others. We worry and stress about what we feel, whether we “should” feel this way, if the feelings are right or wrong, if we are good or bad people for feeling this way.. and I could go on. The fast, dirty simple answer is who cares???

Yes, I said it – who cares? Other than you of course. What we feel may or may not have anything to do with our actions and does not have to do with what we do in life. What I mean by that is just because you feel angry, that does not mean you have to act angry, or lose it, or blow up, or maybe you do….. Feelings are important pointers, they are amazing road signs to what is going on in our life. But what we end up doing is not focusing on the feeling, but more on not wanting to feel it and the horrible things we (and others) think it says about us. Instead of understanding and accepting that our feelings are here to teach us what is inherently right or wrong for us, we judge them.

To deny a feeling is to give it a deep dark space to grow and then have it come out at the wrong or inopportune time. To deny a feeling is to deny the part of you in pain that is calling out for attention and forgiveness, love, release. As we begin to deny our feelings that denial grows and then we find that all of our feelings are being buried. We can become numb… And while numb can be an appropriate and temporary place to be during deep trauma, it is temporary…. We are not built to be numb. We are built to feel, to understand where our feelings are coming from, what they mean and how we can change and grow with that knowledge. We were created to embrace the beauty, and the pain, of this physical human life, not hide from it or shame ourselves or each other for it.

Humans are feeling beings and being human is to feel. All of it. The beautiful, the glorious, the depth, the pain and the fear. Don’t deny. Don’t shame. Don’t hide. Feel your feelings and let them move. And if you are finding it a challenge to do that on your own find a safe someone to help and support you.

I know that there may be many people who read this who might say “There is never a time for hate.” And I actually do believe that

And

I know in this human world, in our human fears, our human experience and our human emotions hate is a true experience. It is something real in our humanity. Whether it is one person, many people, a place, an experience, a thing, it’s honest and it’s real. Then what happens is when we come to a place when we finally admit that the hate that we have been carrying is harming us, not the other, we realize that it is not good for us and it is time to stop.

I never wanted to hate anyone. I never wanted to hate anything. But to deny that in my human experience that I haven’t felt hate would be a lie. And when we lie about the feelings that we have we are unable to accept them, heal them, change them, and release them. We are unable to do anything with them but be caught in their grasp.

So I am done being caught in the grasp of hate. Does it mean we are going to be friends? No. It does not mean we are going to be friends. But what it does mean is that you are no longer allowed to take space in my head. You are no longer allowed to take space in my heart. My hatred has pulled me off balance. My hatred has taken away my place of calm and peace and love. I believe I did it because I needed to, until I didn’t need to do it anymore. And now I know it is right to experience something different.

So you will continue to do whatever it is that you continue to do. My hating you or not hating you may or may not change that. But I do know that my reactions and my responses will change. Because when I don’t hate you I can see everything with clarity, honesty and in the highest truth. When I don’t hate you I don’t have to worry about what you are doing or what you are not doing. How it might affect me and how you can hurt me. Or what secret intentions you might have. I see your actions as simply your actions. And I know my response is now coming from a place of balance, center and calm within me. That makes me stronger. That empowers me. When I hate you, I empower the hate. When I release that hate I empower myself. It is my hatred of you that makes me weak. It is actually healing the hate that allows me to be stronger and gives me all that I need to do what I need to do now to take care of myself.

So, I did not write this but I am choosing to share it with everyone I can because I believe it needs to be shared far and wide. Change the “she” to “he” and it works for every single person on this planet. Anyone who ties themselves up in knots to do what they think they should or finds themselves in a place doing something they never wanted to, could use this… There is such power in letting go, in surrendering to what is.

“She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.” – Rev Safire Rose

Rainbow Over Denver:rainbow,weather,stormy,cloudscape,denver,colorado,landscape,nature,natural,colorful,colors,rainfall,rain,rainy,view,vista,storm,summer,circle,city,cityscape,horizon,cloud,scenery,scenic,panorama,country,outdoor,sunlight,light,horizontal