Narcissistic Observations of the World that Revolves Around Me

THE VENUE: Take one private road with several feet of hard-packed plowed snow on both sides, preferably one with a series of curves; add several days of rain and freeze/thaw cycles.

THE EQUIPMENT: One mid-sized sedan (summer tires work best, but as demonstrated in the beta run today, brand-new winter ones will work as well).

THE GOAL: make it to the driveway from the main road.

POINTS DEDUCTED FOR: 360-degree turns; having to circle a neighbour’s driveway to gain traction more than four times. Most points lost for mistakenly believing the goal to be accomplished, only to have the empty vehicle slide at a high rate of speed out of the parking space and back onto the track.

POINTS AWARDED FOR: alternately luge-ing off the snowbanks without capsizing; rocking the vehicle out of a stalemate without resorting to calling a man for help. Most points gained for successfully re-entering the moving empty vehicle without running over oneself.

THE PRIZE: You get to do it all again the next time you want to leave the house. Like next April.