Goblin newspaper for fun – totally NOT for proffit.

Hello everyone, I’m Ehlayra and today on Miss Popularity we’re going to meet The Keepers of Time, bronze dragons who have dedicated their lives to watching over the Caverns of Time instead of killing everyone – which seems to be the past time of most everyone else on Azeroth. The Caverns of Time can be found in Tanaris, far away from any whisper of civilization, and far too close to the Gaping Chasm for comfort.

Deep within the Caverns are twists in time that the custodians – what the keepers call themselves – call timeways. These are points in time and space where people have tried to muddle with time. Like when Pennelopendy the Purple decided to dye the king and all his nobles indigo. The custodians likely took care of that right away. Or like when the infinite dragonflight tried to kill Thrall. Not as cataclysmic as a purple king, but still not preferred.

Anyways, where were we? Right. Keepers. Of Time! After Big Black Dragon took out a chunk of Stormwind, and then Stormwind took a big chunk out of Big Black Dragon, the dragons all lost a lot of their powers and the Keepers of Time became the Timewalkers! I’m not sure which sounds cooler, but Timewalkers? Waaaay more accessible. They even let us mere mortals join! If they had a prettier tabard, and maybe weren’t based out of a desert, I’d totally consider.

Speaking of, look at some of this cool stuff they hand out to people they like!

Aren’t the robes pretty? And that sword’s really cool too. They sell a bunch of other things, like a really shiny chest plate, but they were all too big and heavy for me. And might muss up my hair.

Oh! And I think they have a drum circle some nights – because they totally teach you how to make these really nifty drums(if you’re good at working with leather). Maybe they do some sort of trust building exercise?

So, how do I get all this cool swag, you might be asking. You kill things. Lots of things! Because that’s how you make friends in Azeroth! This killing happens in the timeways, (like Durnholde Keep and Black Morass) where you kill lots of infinite dragons. While you’re killing things, they ask you to do a couple chores, but mostly you’re just killing infinite dragons.

Which is OK. Because black dragons are bad.

Psst. Hey. Hey kid, C’mere. Yeah, ya know I’m talking ta you, bud. Mokgazi here. Do you really wanna go through all that drudgery just to make a couple of shiny washed-up dragon folks like you? Yeah, no. Ya don’t. It’s lotsa boring killing, washing the blood out of your robes. Time is money – and that’s too much time for too little money. So ‘ere’s whatcha do. Ya go talk to one of those time-walky people that show up from time to time and have adventurers like you run around killing things in the past. They give you more gold for it, and more importantly, shiny badges that they are willing to exchange for favor. Way less work, and you can find way better loot lying around the places those time-walky people send you.

Oh how I loathe the Dark Irons. Bad enough they are rude and obnoxious. Worse their terrible fashion sense. But they like to drink and cast. Alcohol and Portals don’t mix! Cenarion Refuge. That’s where he was supposed to drop me off. Not in front of a giant crystal wall-thing near an ancient bug city.

Scarab Wall

And no, Instructor Gelliard, because I know when I get back and give you this academic journal you will ask, there were no reagents. I don’t think sand is a reagent.

From the wall, I headed north with Kelsi, my noble and trustee gryphon, in the hopes that we would run into the dwarven camp I’d heard about. We didn’t! We did, however run into a cultist camp who were kind enough to inform us that they used scarab shells in some of their offensive spells. And were then kind enough to demonstrate by trying to kill us.

Twilight Outpost

Kelsi took to the air and we spent the night in the mountains that surround Silithus.

Day 2, Silithus

This morning we woke up to the most beautiful view in probably all of Silithus – I’ve included a sketch, you almost can’t tell that those tiny dots are cultists!

We stayed near the mountains until noon to avoid more cultists when we ran into one of the silithid nests that dot the zone. A big silithid nest.

After a fierce debate between Kelsi and myself, we determined that we would not be investigating. Let it be known, that I was all for plunging into a skittering, swarming nest full of giant bugs that want to kill me, but Kelsi is a big chicken. And this is a team effort.

Instead we continued along the mountains until we came to something I’d heard of called the Crystal Vale. Dozens of air and earth elementals wandered the land, and for the first time the landscape wasn’t all orange. More grayish, which might not be the best change, but at least it was different. And there wasn’t any sand. Favorite place here so far.

Directly west we stumbled on another silithid nest – even bigger than the first one. Kelsi was not amused, and for a while it looked like she was going to refuse to fly.

Hive’Ashi

Hive’Ashi

But! Glorious hope! Across the nest and through the haze of bugs, I saw a rooftop. An elven rooftop. Cenarion Refuge! That was all we Kelsi needed, and so we swiftly flew there and spent the night. Let me tell you, after eating my own cooking, I will never complain about the elven cuisine ever again.

The bed was pretty comfortable as well.

Day 3, Silithus

We set out bright and early this morning, with provisions, a sense of where we were and an updated map. Apparently the one my instructor had given me was fifty years old.

We dared getting close to one of the smaller nests – the druids called it the Swarming Pillar – and collected some scarab shells for research, and continued south by the main road to pay a visit to the Bones of Grakkarond.

The Swarming Pillar

Bones of Grakkarond

I had read about him – he was a bronze dragon who fell during the War of the Shifting Sands to one of the giant stone creatures(Anubisath, I believe is what they are called). I collected some sand from around the bones – instructor Gelliard said it would empower wards – and went on my way.

The rest of the day was spent traveling south until I ran into the wall – Scarab Wall, the map called it. The elves said that the dwarven camp was directly east, and it was, about an hour’s ride.

The dwarves were grand and said they’d noticed a few of the cultists using the stingers from the blue scorpions in their health potions. One of the dwarves shared his sketch of Hive’Regal, which is good, because there’s absolutely know way you could pay meKelsi to go there.

Hive’Regal

Hive’Regal

Hive’Regal

Hive’Regal

Day 4, Silithus

We left at daybreak to head north with the intent of avoiding Hive’Regal altogether. We did, though there was a slight altercation with a one of the wasps who flew at us, but with my magical prowess and Kelsi’s dextrous flying we prevailed! Also, scarab shells are amazing. Totally helped to stabilize my pyroblast, and felt like it even let me cast it quicker!

The sand? That was supposed to increase my wards? Not so much. If it weren’t for Kelsi’s marvelous flying and a well-timed healing potion, I probably wouldn’t be writing this.

There was a small cave we saw and intended to stop, but the man inside started to tell us to leave before we even got in, so we decided against it.

North was Southwind Village, and ancient night elf village that was destroyed something like a millennium ago. We didn’t get really close, but it’s amazing at how well the structures have survived, even with the silithid take-over.

Finally we reached the pass into Un’Goro. Before we left this cursed desert, Kelsi and I made one final stop – Staghelm Point. An empty tower overlooking a cultist camp with a bronze drake circling above and a pretty night elf at the top of the tower. It almost sounded like a child’s story.

Staghelm Point

Staghelm Point

Recap of Silithus findings:

I hate dark iron dwarves.

Scarab Shells can help to stabilize more difficult spells.

Sand is not a reagent.

The stingers of blue scorpions are sometimes used in healing potions. Was unable to procure one for testing.

The Exodar always seems like a cold and hard place to me. Alien lights bounce of metal floors and jagged crystals. Draenei walk around in heavy robes, slow and somber, like the entire world rests on their shoulders. They walk with the weight of centuries, stiff and arrogant. I hate this soulless place.

But my editors thought it would be a great place to host a Winter Veil story event, a True Stories presentation about Hope and Faith in a place whose people have experienced worlds of hardship and still cling to their precious light. And so it was that I found myself in the converted set of rooms the space goats call an inn.

I was just finishing with the recording equipment when the first story teller showed up. She came into the inn looking as awkward as a turtle out of its shell. She looked at me with wide doe-eyes as I approached her, and I thought maybe she would run away when I greeted her. She introduced herself as Elly.

Next came a more confident figure, a charismatic figure who called himself Heiden. He was full of questions, and I believe he probably has a reporter’s soul.

Third to show up at the inn was an old aquaintence, a priest in training named Valoreign. Some people call him Valor, as if he possessed any of that trait at all. They should call him “Foolish” or “Arrogant.” For a time I thought he might be a good source, but most of the time he is too drunk and scatterbrained to relate anything useful at all.

And last to show was an elf brimming with energy. I believe him to be very young, for he had not yet lost the enthusiasm that all the Night Elf elders seem to possess. The elf simply called himself Cheetah, and clapped harder than anyone else at the small event.

As people gathered around the stage we took turns telling our stories. Four tales graced the cold halls of The Exodar. “The Naked Dwarf,” a surprising tale of selflessness. “Children,” a short testimony of a precious day. “He’s Coming Back,” a story about holding on to hope when all is lost. And Valoreign finished the night with a story I’m calling “Survivors.” You can find each of the stories written out on the following pages.

Ah Storm Peaks. The place of spiders(that want to kill you), kobolds(that want to kill you), Garm(that want to kill you), Vykrul(that want to fight you) and dwarves(that want you to kill things). And titans. Loooots of titans. Perfect place for a vacation, don’t you think? Assuming you survive, it’s a cheap get-away that you won’t soon forget!

First place to visit is Crystalweb Cavern. This is a light and airy set of tunnels and caves filled with fun-loving spiders and even a spider breeding room!

Kobold neighbors give this place a nice, ah, ‘rustic’ feel.

Next is Garm. If Cyrstalweb was too cold and open, well Garm is much cozier and exudes a feeling of warmth. It even comes per-decorated by all the adventurers who came(and died) before you.

From Garm we head north(and a little west) to the lovely Vykrul villages of Brunnhildar and Sifreldar. These villages are prime real estate. They offer fully-furnished houses and a rich cultural history to anyone who moves in, along with the chance to prove oneself in the Pit of the Fang!

North and east of Brunnhildar is where you start to get into the local historical district. From the engine of the makers to the Terrace of the makers, the titan history is simply overflowing.

Will you go to Mimir’s Workshop?

Or the Inventor’s Lab?

Or simply go to relax at the Temple of Wisdom?

If the Terrace gets to be overwhelming, trek east to Thunderfall and revel in the quiet stillness of hundreds of fighters frozen to icicles. It’s a fantastic place for a romantic evening, or simply just to think.

Overall, Storm Peaks is a great place to get away, and we at Booty Bay Press hope you plan to visit soon!

Editor’s note: Booty Bay Press is not responsible for lost of life, limb or sanity due to frostbite or the local residents. Booty Bay Press strongly urges one to set one’s affair’s in order before trekking out to the spectacular winter wonderland that is the Storm Peaks.

The Badlands is a barren wasteland, a desert where nothing but Sungrass grows. Black dragons dot the skies, titan ruins lie beneath the surface, and it is here that three brave adventurers defied Deathwing himself.

So it is only logical that you would want to have your very own adventure in this place where the sun burns like an eternal inferno. And The Booty Bay Press is here to help you out! Our correspondent (Gwen, it was Gwen) took the time to bring us back pictures from the zone, places idea to run your very own event in the Badlands.

The first place to swing by on your tour of the Badlands is Agamond’s End. We all know that Troggs are a nuisance, and here they race at you in waves of charging pests. But fear not! For if you hold an rp event here you will get to see brave adventurers sit in massive cannons and lay waste the Trogg invaders. Unfortunately you cannot sit on the cannons without the quest, but there is still potential for some really fun rp around this little silhouette of war.

After you spend time here, head on over to the Dark Iron’s Angor Fortress. Of course you’ll have to clear out the Dark Iron menace first, but inside this fortress is a fire elemental that wants to tell you a story. How about kicking him out and taking his place? Is this a place for a story telling contest? In a zone all about telling stories? Yes please!

After telling your Deathwing stories, head on over to slay a bunch of Ogres. Refugees from the second war mass in Dustbelch Grotto (isn’t a Grotto an underwater thing?), they are beginning to get upitity again, and will make perfect targets for any Ogre themed story line you want to play!

Ogre caves are fun and all, you know, if you like rotting food hanging from the ceiling, but I can’t imagine you want to spend any real time here. So after delving into this dry cave of foulness, cleanse your palate by heading to Fuselight. The Goblins there can probably sell you some steam powered ginger or something! Also, they have a race track banner which could be used for all sorts of fun events, most of them centered on cars and motorcycles. Why haven’t we seen fun motorcycle events yet? You could put people on the ground to act as targets and way points, creating an obstacle course for people on their motorcycle mounts, rocket mounts, of mechanostrider mounts to race through! Wow. That’s a great idea Lexi! Someone should get on that right now. Seriously.

After you’ve had your fill of racing (take that Shimmersand, we don’t need you!) head on over to Hammertoe’s Digsite and help the Explorer’s League lay waste to Dark Iron Dwarves while claiming the artifacts they dare to dig up! If you happen to be questing you can even steal alcohol from the Dark Iron, since that is apparently a great reason to go around killing people. Any archaeology themed guild or event should definitely add this place to their list!

Next you will want to head on over to the Scare of the World Breaker. This is the most interesting place in the zone, the place where the insane Aspect of Earth flew threw the sky, sending devastation in his wake, and here were the best quests in the zone take place. I suggest you take a seat here and figure out exactly where you were when Deathwing came, and make it the best story you can!

I know you’re probably getting tired from all this traveling. Have you been staying hydrated? Even if you are, I know your about ready to fall over from heat exhaustion. So to get out of the sun head on over to the Tomb of the Watchers. This Titan ruin has no enemies to destroy, only some fun Titan architecture and statues to incorporate into your stories.

The last place to head to on this tour is The Hidden Clutch. It’s another cave, but this one with a tragic history. It is here that Deathwing killed Rheastraza as she sacrificed herself and her own egg to trick Deathwing into believing he had destroyed the last of the purified black dragon eggs.

I just realized how much the clutch looks like a gaping maw from this angle! Don’t get yourself devoured by a rock monster!

After all that traveling you’re probably exhausted. Thank you for joining me on a wizz around the Badlands, and as always, good luck in your roleplaying!

How the times have changed. A once desolate wasteland beneath a sky of stars and floating islands has become a fertile jungle with holes filled with ethereal eyes. Or is it the other way around? You know what, I’m just not sure anymore. Whatever it is, this week Booty Bay Press talks about the two zones, and we give you the best rp spots in each zone.

Hellfire Peninsula

The legion is in full force here, just waiting to plow through the Dark Portal to kill everyone on Azeroth. As a hero you walk through the gate and lay waste to the front lines, killing demon elites in every direction. Or, at least that’s what should happen. Instead you go on a tour, and these are the best spots.

The first place we go to is the Broken Towers just outside Honor’s Hold. These shattered defenses are juxtaposed by the creepy Outland sky, and could be used for all sort of stories about epic last stands.

After the towers head on over to the rune towers near the legion front. I’m not sure what these towers are for – but they look incredible. Here Lyndei is taking a selfie like a teenage tourist.

The Legion can’t invade anywhere without Forge Camps to summon in more forces. Take your guild here and stop the Burning Legion from invading! Or you know, bring a warlock along and enslave demons to your army. Then you can become the invasion. Or something.

Tired of all the demons? That’s okay. If you want somewhere distant from all other activity, take a vacation on the floating islands in the Warp Fields. Here no one can hear you scream.

Finally, if you want to see what happens when you kill an especially large demon, head on over to the Pools of Aggonar. The Draenei have been sending adventurers to cleanse this place for almost ten years… but it still looks the same to me.

Oh, Outland, I could stay in you forever. But I think it’s time to move on.

Tanaan Jungle

The one, the only, the original Tanaan Jungle. Here we destroy a portal, defeat waves of Iron Horde orcs, and kick Arakkoa traitors into the ocean. Gul’dan tries to break Draenor away from the elements, and epic heroes go on simple treasure hunts.

First swing by an overlook between Gorgrond and Farlight Terrace. Isn’t it pretty? You could build a mansion up here and turn it into a resort. Maybe even let people go cliff diving! Beauty is something that will be themed in many Tanaan locations.

An overgrown forest in a jungle? That never happens! This location between Farlight Terrace and Ironhold Harbor might as well be the Everbloom for all I care. Just look at those vines growing from the ground. They want to strangle your children. I can feel it.

The ships of Zeth’kur are the perfect place to run your Draenor pirate event. After all, we command an entire armada of sea vessels now. Why not steal one and go looting on the high seas?

Wow, those ocean horizons sure are beautiful. We should probably take you somewhere ugly now to cleanse your palate. Here is the Corrupted Refuge for all you fel types out there. Just ignore the major lore figures in the distance. They mean nothing! Nothing!

Finally, head on over to this caved in memory during the sun set and see the majestic waterfall. Or kill orcs and turn the water crimson. You know, your choice.

Finally, put your feet up and sip at some fellows home made beer. It is Brewfest after all.