Rainbow Area Youth offers space for LGBTQ youth

Shannon Frye was a member of Rainbow Area Youth (RAY) before becoming its executive director.

“I understood that what I was feeling was something that the people that I grew up with would not understand,” Frye said. “I began to feel very set apart and very different from my friends and family and had nowhere to go.”

Frye said she was fortunate to have a supportive family, but there are some things they couldn’t prepare her for.

Frye was advised to talk to RAY founder Brenda Spurlin. RAY serves as a place for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth to go to for advice and support.

“I think I called her about five times before I was able to actually start talking,” Frye said. “She was very patient, as were all the other volunteers when I first started going to RAY.”

As Frye tells kids today, after her first visit she didn’t return to RAY for another two years.

“Once I was ready to start talking, the thing I found was that I had a second family,” she said.

Spurlin formed RAY in 1997. A mother of a gay child, she met two gay men at a Toledo Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meeting. Spurlin wanted to be more supportive of her son when she realized there weren’t many options for LGBTQ children, Frye said.

Since its formation, the group has served more than 1,500 kids ages 13-19. The youth who participate are assured confidentiality.

“The nature of the group is about creating a safe space — a place for kids to come to feel not only physically safe, but emotionally safe from whatever’s happening in their life,” Frye said.

Coming out

Frye said it is not always sound advice to tell a kid to come out.

“We live in a world that is ripe with prejudice,” she said. “It’s not always in the kid’s best interests to come out.”

Frye said a child being evicted from his or her home is the first concern. Leaders also do not advise kids to come out if they live in a highly homophobic area.

“Their safety and well-being is our main concern,” Frye said. “Pursuing that goal above others, we understand that some of our kids cannot come out at certain times, even at times they’re coming to RAY.”

Above all, Frye said the group wants to get kids more comfortable being themselves before they make the decision to come out.

“Kids are not just coming out to family, [they’re] coming out to friends, coming out to employers, coming out to all different kinds of people all the time,” Frye said. “We hope that they become more comfortable with talking to more people openly about it … but we don’t consider it a tragedy if they don’t come out.”

Frye said the group tries to prevent kids from claiming an identity before they are sure who they are.

“The first thing we tell the kids is who you are at 15 is not necessarily who you are at 25,” Frye said. “We want them to have a safe place to explore themselves.”

Teens interested in attending meetings or adults interested in volunteering can contact RAY at (419) 742-2362 or toledo_ray@yahoo.com. The only prerequisites for volunteers is to submit to a background check and to be able to listen without judgment.

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On the side of pride

Hickey: Encouragement for LGBTQ youth

Imagine how three words could make your parents change their minds about providing for you. Imagine how three words could make a group of kids whisper about you as you walk through the halls at school. Imagine how three words could make your friends suddenly forget you exist out of fear of just being seen with you. Imagine every comfort you had in life disappearing into thin air because of three words.

“I am gay.”

I know before I came out, I wanted to prepare myself for every type of scenario. My family not claiming me as their own, my friends no longer talking to me, my job letting me go and basically being worn down to just me against the world. Fortunately, I was lucky to have parents who loved me regardless of my sexual orientation, friends who offered unending encouragement and a company that knew my work wouldn’t be compromised just because I was a lesbian.

Without question, it is because of my unwavering support system that I felt strong enough to come out in the workplace, to volunteer for Toledo Pride, to be proud to hold my girlfriend’s hand in public and brave enough to write a column for Toledo Free Press Star on behalf of the Toledo lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) community. Although I did encounter a few obstacles along the way, it is the encouragement around me that allows me to push through.

I was lucky. However, others in our community are not as lucky and as area youth gain more courage to come out they experience the hardships of life at a much earlier age. Best friends abandoning them in their time of need, parents disowning them because of what everyone else will think of their LGBTQ child, being kicked out of their home and forced to sleep on a kind stranger’s couch, being the talk of the halls just because they are different — not everyone’s decision to come out is easy.

This the past year, I learned of an outstanding area resource called Rainbow Area Youth (RAY), which aims to help improve the lives of area LGBTQ youth and their allies through peer support.

The organization is for youth ages 13-19 and since its inception in 1997 it has helped more than 1,000 adolescents from more than 50 different schools in Northwest Ohio, southeast Michigan and eastern Indiana.

After getting to know the executive director of RAY, Shannon Frye, I am in awe of her dedication and the dedication of the adult volunteers in providing a better life for these children and not allowing them to face these hardships alone.

In such a time of need for area LGBTQ youth, RAY needs our help so it can continue providing help to others. According to Shannon, RAY’s two greatest needs are a permanent location where youth can always know to find them, as well as monetary donations to help keep them going.

In the spirit of the new year, I ask you and other members of the community to step forward and give our LGBTQ youth a permanent place of support. No child deserves to go through this life alone, regardless of sexual orientation.

For more information about RAY, visit their website at www.raytoledo.org or email the executive director at toledo-ray@yahoo.com or call at (567) 249-7135.

Should you feel inspired to help their organization now or anytime in the future, please send all monetary donations to RAY — Rainbow Area Youth, P.O. Box 140396, Toledo, Ohio 43614.