Month: September 2012

September 5, 2012

8:42 pm. I walked over from yau ma tei to tai kok tsui; the borderless neighborhood between mong kok and prince edward. I like the streets there. ash, oak, pine, beech, elm street. it rained at three blocks only; I stopped for a cigarette, waiting for the clouds to move further up north. the sound of roaring buses and people’s chatter drowned in my headphones and raindrops on the metal rooftops. I kept still; focusing on nothing in particular. people walked past me. I played the same song on repeat and carefully avoided shallow pools of water on the sidewalk. there’s no doorbell at number twenty nine, so I knew somebody would be waiting downstairs.

10:45 pm. we talked through the whole evening. I barely checked the clock but I felt the time passing me by. I learnt a long time ago that his soon means much later and wasn’t bothered by it. bottled mixed drinks were headache inducing but I didn’t care. layers of stories I’d never heard of before were coming up on the surface and I couldn’t stop thinking about what they would look like a piece of paper or a film screen. the human condition and its stories is the only reason why I keep coming back. last night was the perfect time to realize that. somehow, it made sense. at midnight we descended back on the street for a bowl of lychee ice cream with pink chocolate shavings. under the sound of rain drops. she poured her sad soul out and I felt sorry for her. it is going to take a bit more time for me to admit that we are actually the same.

1:35 am. I turned my phone off out of disappointment. his message came at 1:36 am. I will never understand the connection between the two of us but it is there. it has been there since day one.

5:45 am. soft stillness. I fought the urge to fall back asleep and sat up on the bed. some of the wooden parts are beginning to break apart and the bed creaks loudly with every movement. I stumbled in the hallway; my legs find the way to the kitchen automatically. it was still dark and the only source of light were the orange street lamps. dusk till dawn. the busy fruit market below us slowly faded into silence. new day; the same monotony. but I look for the signs, for the details. something that will tell me it’s time. three spoons of coffee, half a spoon of sugar, milk. I walk to work each morning, picking up the remains of the night before, recognizing the imprints on the ground as if there were my own. some time ago, they used to be mine. I am not sure whether I long to return to it.

September 3, 2012

september days: changing light; daylight turns into twilight a minute earlier. chilly mornings and cooler nights. starbucks brings back the fall beverages; pumpkin and dark cherry mocha. back to school atmosphere everywhere. september means perfect beach days. there is no autumn in hong kong so we pretend. we wear scarves with flip flops and shorts and mini denim jackets over tank tops. the leaves don’t change their color here, so we pretend. we always pretend.

I have awaited september. I have awaited the end of summer for long weeks. in september, the boy celebrates his birthday. today he turns twenty three years old. last night we watched the bourne legacy; glued together in the darkness of the cinema house. cinema nights are becoming a regular thing in our lives and I prefer it greatly to the mess of wan chai. just as we exited, leaving the freezing seats and stepping into a warm night, I remembered. I kind of shrieked at him, bringing his watch up close to show him that it’s five minutes past midnight. happy birthday, you. happy birthday. je t’aime. his sleepy eyes brightened and I hugged him, feeling the remains of cold air underneath his t-shirt. sometimes it is the smallest, silliest moments that make everything okay. maybe some other time, maybe never. before letting me go home, he braided my hair around my head, like a crown. I laughed because I thought he was being ridiculous but he just grew up surrounded by sisters. then the compulsory forehead kiss. without being aware of it, he reminds me that it’s okay to not to be okay because he’s there.

apart from work, my only other plans for the fall are to write, discover, document, take photographs, spend time with the boy and generally, just try to be content. so far, twenty twelve has been nothing I had expected but there were good moments, too. I want to have more of those.

ps. I am in the process of going through my inboxes and replying to everyone who has been waiting. I haven’t forgotten.

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