going shopping with the non fat friends. and they complain that theyre fat. and nothing fits them. and blah blah. one of my friends is only 130-135 and complains alllllll the time about being fat.

im on colorguard at my university. which involves lycra uniforms. we just bought new ones and i helped pick them out so they are flubb friendly but they are still sleeveles on one side. which brings on the thing i hate most about myself. the elbow fat overhang. when i first realized how fat my upper arms were i cried. i have back fat. i cant find a bra that can hide or hold it on. shirts and cute tops look ok from the front, its just those extra rolls in the back.

and the biggest thing, that just happened today actually, was seeing a picture of the girl my ex boyfriends (who i am still completley in love with) is sleeping with and seeing how much of a size difference we are. im still crying. (that and like i saidim still in love with him. thats a whole nother story )

being completley depressed and bored outta my mind i had two options. sit around and be miserable and sleep all day (which i had been doing) or get up and do something about it. walking is a start. i zumba too but i get so winded and have side cramps but im determined to get through a class nonstop)

that and i used to be a 12/14 in AE and could get my jeans in the store. now i have to order an 18 offline b/c they dont carry anything bigger than a 14 in my area stores.and now the 18s are getting tight....