Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

funny, little sad, strange...

I think I may be an idiot..
(NOTE: the post is long, but if you are awake, you have time).Anyway,here is what I have learned:

1) I am expendable. It's true. I am. I don't have family who will stand up and care. I'm not married, no kids. So, if someone has to be put in a bad situation, I'm your woman.
2) I can fix things. I'm smart, so I can do a lot.
3) I'm a sucker, idiot, something...

4) Because of 1-3 I will always be fucked over.

I know that may sound extreme, but it's true. I haven't eaten in two days. I've been sent to update the comp systems in a halfway house. I know that doesn't sound bad. And it's not that I didn't want to, but I was not told what I was being sent into.

From being harassed by the staff who were expecting better equipment (which I would've given em if I had it), and spit at and accused of being a spy by a guy staying there... I don't know.

I'm not explaining this well. Most people there didn't have anything to do with me. They were just trying to sleep and eat. and a lot of em thanked me.... as of now, they have four newish computers to use. But I hated seeing it be so bad for them. and it was scary to be attacked by a man who thought I was from some government conspiracy trying to kill him. And he was not messing around. The man thought I was sent there by the CIA to monitor him.

And when I tried to tell my boss, he said, "well, you know, it's a write-off, and I thought you'd be ok. You know about that stuff, right?"

Sad thing is: I do know about that stuff. I fear I am only a tiny step away from it.

But does that makes it ok to send me instead of anyone else? Ok, I'm already damaged goods, so why risk anyone else. Yes, the guy who threw me against a wall, spit on me and kicked me, could have been in a state to seriously hurt me, but who cares? My boss still has better tax and community standing.

Yet, in the end I feel fantastic about the fact I worked nights and managed to create four viable work stations for the guys. and upgraded all of the staff computers.

I believe you were very kind to do what you did. My feeling in regards to the man is that should be reported. Very inappropriate regardless of his situation or mental capacity. I am kinda lost as to why you feel you're screwed though. Maybe it's the pain med I am on and little bit slow.

There are a couple of theings that strike me-
1) You wrote your story in a compelling and readable way, do you write and if not you should start.
2)I love the fact that you are open about your BP, it comes with drawbacks, but people can see how amazing and capable you are and that something good for the rest of us.

I hear what your saying, your boss is a bit of a jerk, but you are good at what you do!

Re: Your#1-3 Things like that usually change once we see the mistakes were making, because then we can make different choice.

Wow, I am stunned...do that many people across the board aware of my condition...I've received many hugs and messages of support and encouragement and cannot help but feel that is what your referring to. Btw, still in a lot of pain...finally did get pain medication today and is taking the edge off it. Hoping and waiting for my body to detox from the medication that cause my situation. I appreciate so much your concern and kindness. Lots of hugs.

You may resent your boss now, but I hope you stop feeling so down on yourself. Here's my list:
1. You have a job. Congratulations! In today's economy and with our condition (ie, having bipolar) that is a great thing. Especially if your boss knows you have it.
2. Maybe your boss thought that off all his employees, you were the only one who could handle the people at the halfway house. I would take that as a compliment, not an insult - especially since it's true.
3. When I get upset with my job (when I have one) I try to remember that I'm working for God, not other people. This helps me enjoy whatever I'm doing, rather than hating it.

I think perhaps, I communicated poorly here. I tend to be somewhat sarcastic, especially when I am feeling stressed. And I will apply to levity more than usual. But let me make something clear.

I am grateful to be employed, but I refuse to be overly happy. I'm an adult. And I do like to help people, which I do for God as well as myself.
But I sure as hell don't enjoy being attacked, and that part of it does have me a little upset. So does the fact that by boss knew what he was sending me into and gave me no warning. So forgive me for failing to be 100% happy about this situation. (that right there is the sarcasm).

I didn't mean to imply that you should be happy you were attacked. Sounds like the guy has an acute case of schizophrenia. Well, I guess that's obvious.

I'm sorry you had to be spit upon. That IS inappropriate, even for the mentally ill. Please make sure he doesn't have HIV. The administrator of the halfway house will be able to tell you this, once you explain the situation. And maybe he/she will want to make sure the guy's meds are checked. He's obviously symptomatic.

I don't mean to scare you re: HIV. Most schizophrenics are too paranoid to have sex with anyone, although many do self medicate with drugs. Probably not with needles, though. They try to avoid pain like the rest of us.

Do you enjoy reading?? If so, there's a book I'd like to recommend. It's called &quot;Welcome to my Country&quot; by Lauren Slater. I found it at the library. It's got fascinating case studies of the mentally ill, written by a woman who was formerly institutionalized for borderline personality disorder. She got out and got her degree in clinical phsycotherapy or something like that. Enjoy!

Gecko,
Your boss absolutely should have alerted you up front as to what sort of situation he was sending you into. To compromise your safety as he did was unthinkable. He exposed you to a volatile situation without any warning. That's not something &quot;having BP&quot; is going to automatically prepare you for.
You should be incredibly proud of yourself for the way you handled the situation and managed to complete the assignment, even after being threatened by an unstable resident. I don't think I could have done it. You have great fortitude, no way I could get thru that.
So you may have been screwed by your boss, but someone with your strength and ability is far from being a screw up. Use this opportunity to discuss with your boss how dangerous the situation was, make sure he understand how threatened you were.
I think you are amazing.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??

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