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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Winning Entries

Yay, I'm so excited to finally get to post the winning entries. I always ask for the writers' permission, so that's why it sometimes takes a day or two to get them up. Apparently, some of you have lives outside of Go Teen Writers. The nerve.

By Jordan Newhouse

When he heard the voice on the other end of the line, he knew he shouldn't have answered the phone.

"David!" His wife's voice sparkled like the ocean surrounding him. "I have spectacular news! I want to tell you face-to-face, so please bring the boat in early." Her pitch swelled, implying a question.

"Beth, I don't think..." the words drifted away. He stood up with the vague hope that assuming the posture of a strong sea captain would help him take command of the situation, but the unsteady roll of the deck only echoed the uneasiness that had tormented him for days.

"I won't be coming home tonight." His voice was as cold and bitter as seawater.

The Judge(s) said: Very nicely done! You set the scene through the dialogue and careful word choice (brilliant!) and provided a good hook at the end./This is extremely well written. It left me wanting to know more. Nice job.

By Emily West

When he heard the voice on the other end of the line, he knew he shouldn’t have answered the phone. He looked devastated as I knew it confirmed his worst fear.

“What did Sarah say?” I asked.

I knew what the answer was before the call. She had been his only girlfriend since freshman year, and I was Sarah’s best friend.

As we sat in the car with the windows rolled down, the breeze blew through his hair, and I watched a tear slide out of his eye.

Telling Sarah’s dad she was getting a pacifier before an engagement ring was going to go over well especially since he was our preacher.

The Judge(s) said: This is well written, and I like the twist you took on this topic./WOW. GREAT. Love it!!

By Katy McCurdy

When he heard the voice on the other end of the line, he knew he shouldn't have answered the phone. There was something hauntingly familiar in the anonymous greeting that sent foreboding chills down Jason’s spine. “What a pleasure to talk to you after all these years, Jason.” The voice dripped with sarcasm.

An anchor of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. He swallowed—hard. “Who is this?”

Nightmare. The word triggered vivid, brutal memories he’d nearly forgotten after twenty years. The familiar palate of fear settled in his mouth as his vision blurred. “Dad? You’re supposed to be dead.”

The Judge(s) said: This is very well written, packed with suspense, and the author delivered a nice twist at the end.

By Sammie Weiss

When he heard the voice on the other end of the line, he knew he shouldn’t have answered the phone.

“Hello, James,” the voice said. Controlled. Hard. Cruel.

James couldn’t speak. His mouth was dry; his head spinning. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He had done everything he was supposed to. This was supposed to be over.

“James? I have my next request.”

James swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to speak. “What now? I did everything you wanted.” He flinched at the sudden assault of memories. Dirt. White powder. Cold triggers. And blood. Everywhere, blood.

“Oh, not everything, dear boy. There is one more thing.”

“What?” James asked, his voice tight.

“Bring me…your sister.”

The Judge(s) said: This author’s well written piece pulled me in from the beginning. Great job./ Super job with your one-word adjectives. Fresh, strong writing voice too./ Wow. Great stuff. Good dialogue and tension. Well done!

By Courtney Calvert

When he heard the voice on the other end of the line, he knew he shouldn't have answered the phone. The voice alone made him feel the sharp pain of the whip slicing through his back, the cold rain soaking him to the bone.

He never answered calls without a name, but he was tired of being on lock down. He had needed to hear another human voice, even if he had no idea who that person was. But to him, this voice wasn't human. As lightning flashed through the small slit in the concrete wall behind him, Alex waited for the thunder. When the thunder clapped, he thought, "How appropriate," while saying into the phone, "Hello Dad."

The Judge(s) said: I cared about Alex immediately. Great job of hooking your reader. I felt in lock down myself. I love it when I’m drawn in like that. I also loved some of your strong word choices—small slit in the concrete.

2 comments:

I like the top ones the best, I think my favorite one was about the teen pregnancy thingy...That would be a GREAT starter for a book! =D It could be something that would help pregnant teens or something grow closer to God. :) Can't wait for the next contest!