How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back: 14 Steps to Win Back Her Love

Maybe you screwed up big time. It happens, but now, you deal with the consequences. You want her back? This is how to get your ex girlfriend back.

We all have different types of exes in our lives. Ones we wish we never dated, ones that we weren’t really into, and then there are those… you know, the ones that got away. Those are the ex girlfriends that we constantly creep on social media, wish we were beside, sharing those moments that we view from afar. And you plot for how to get your ex girlfriend back.

And who knows, maybe you cheated, maybe you said some things during a fight that you shouldn’t have. The point is, you’re now single. But you realized you screwed up and now you want her back.

How to get your ex girlfriend back

You’re probably thinking that you can just message her and she’ll come back to you with open arms. I don’t think so. If she’s the one who got away, it’s going to take more work than that. I know, the chick flicks tell you differently, that you can just smile and you’ll have her back.

It’s not going to happen like that, sorry to break it to you. But if she’s the one that got away, you’re an idiot for letting her go, so you put some work into it. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s possible.

#1 Who ended the relationship? If you ended the relationship but now you realize you made a huge mistake, that’s going to be a hard one to rectify. However, if she dumped you, you have a better chance of getting her back. [Read: Are you still in love with your ex?]

#2 Why did she dump you? You need to figure out what went wrong. Trust me, she told you, probably a thousand times, but you didn’t listen. So, go back into your memory and try to remember why you two always fought. That’s the reason you’re single.

#3 Give her space. Don’t contact her desperately after you two break up. You need to give her the space she needs. If she dumped you, there’s a reason why. Now, she’s most likely mentally drained and exhausted, so leave her, she needs to recharge her batteries.

How much time do you leave her without contact? Good question. It depends if you have children with her or not. If you do, you don’t really have much of an option. But, if you don’t, give her at least thirty days.

#4 Is this what you really want? Are you just doing this because you see her with a new guy and you’re jealous? Or do you really feel you need to be with her? There’s a huge difference. The last thing you need is to realize you actually don’t want to be with her. Are you just lonely? Scared? Confused? Figure out your shit before you even contact her. [Read: Getting back together? Why slow and steady is the only way ahead]

#5 Up your game. You want her back? Show her you’ve changed. But don’t change for her, change for yourself. If you do this only for her, this won’t last. It has to be something you really want to do for you.

If you’re unhealthy, clean up your diet and start working out. If you’re a workaholic, cut your hours at the office. You need to become the best version of yourself now that you want her back. [Read: 25 signs and qualities that make a great boyfriend]

#6 Don’t shower her with gifts. You can buy her something if you’d like, but you have to know that jewelery ain’t going to cut it. She didn’t break up with you because you didn’t buy her a bracelet. She broke up with you for serious reasons.

Maybe you’re lazy or unhealthy or negative, these are real reasons. If you come to her door with a handful of gifts, sure, she’ll take them, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to be with you. She wants real results.

#7 Don’t make a move if she’s with someone else. This isn’t a chick flick, man. Don’t show up at her door when she’s seeing another man. What are you thinking? Your relationship with her has a past, one that, from the looks of it, didn’t end too well. If she’s moved on, respect it. Maybe she’ll dump the guy, who knows, but that’s not for you to decide. [Read: 16 signs your ex clearly still wants you back in her life]

#8 Start with friendship. So, after you stopped contacting her, slowly start it up again. But, give her time in between the breakup and now without any contact. At least four weeks, minimum. I know you want a relationship with her, but right now, you need to start from square one.

Show her that you want to be her partner again. You were probably her best friend, so be her best friend.

#9 You’re going to have to re-attract your ex. Right now, though she may love you, you ain’t looking too hot in her eyes. She left you, remember that. Now that you two haven’t been in contact and you’ve been working on yourself, it’s time you tried to re-attract her. Make her eyes gleam when she sees the new you. [Read: 17 secrets to sweep a girl off her feet]

#10 Go on a date during the no contact period. Make sure you really want her back and this isn’t just your ego talking. Go on a date with someone else. Verify if this is really what you want to do, not just for yourself but for her as well. If you went on some dates and you realize there isn’t anyone else for you, go ahead, get her back.

#11 Write her a letter. It’s a great way to say everything you want to say. Plus, it’s therapeutic for you. It also stands out, rather than a text or email. In your letter, talk about how you accept what happened, apologize for your behavior, and mention how your life is turning into something positive and exciting. [Read: How to write a heartfelt love letter like a true romantic]

#12 Don’t talk about getting back together. We all know why you’re talking to her again, you want her back. She knows this as well, so there’s no need to tell her. Don’t text her corny messages that say, “I miss you” or “I wish we were together.”

Leave anything negative, sappy, or desperate out of the conversation. Your conversations have to be positive and focused on making them feel good. Mention positive memories of them, something exciting that happened in your life recently, or something funny that reminded you of them.

#13 Ask her out. Don’t call it a date. Ask them out for coffee or a walk, but don’t make it a date. She’ll get her guard up and this isn’t what you want. If she doesn’t want to, don’t push her, just let her be. She’ll go for a coffee with you if she feels it’s right. If she goes for coffee with you, don’t talk about your relationship. [Read: How to win your ex back in a healthy way]

#14 Don’t beg if she doesn’t want you back. If you then ask them to get back together with you and they say no, don’t beg. Whatever you do, don’t beg. You tried and you ended up becoming a better person out of it, but if she doesn’t want to get back together with you, leave it.