Snarky campaign slogan contest: we have a winner

There were a lot of great entries in my snarky campaign slogan contest. As sole judge, jury, executioner, Personal Secretary and Chancellor of the Exchequer, my decisions are:

The following would have been worthy (though still short of winning) with minor editorial adjustments:

Mitt Romney: He knows what America is worth (Warren Terra, who had “Mitt Romney Knows the Value of America.”)

Romney: Because your beliefs are his beliefs. (Jeff Johnson, who had “Romney: Believe him when he says your beliefs are his beliefs.”).

Honorable mention:

Romney/Ryan. Because we deserve it (Joe)

Obama: an actual compassionate conservative (Katja)

[Romney/Ryan:] Mendacity in the defense of plutocracy is no vice (Clark)

[Mitt Romney:] He wants to be President in the worst way. And he will be (Bob Dole, quoted by Keith Humphreys).

Third Prize (tie):

Romney/Ryan: What Did Posterity Ever Do for You? (Mark)

[Romney:] In your heart, you know he’s white (calling all toasters)

It was very hard to deny the following slogan the top slot. But both because placing it first might seem like RBC self-dealing, and because it’s sublime if, but only if, one knows either the Damon Knight story or—more likely, at least in the U.S.—the Twilight Zone episode based on it, I have to give it

Second Prize:

[Romney/Ryan:] To Serve Man (James Wimberly)

And the First Prize goes to NickB’s contribution:

Vote Romney.
(That’s it. If you needed a reason, we’d have given it to you.)

I think that slogan captures, uncannily in a short space, a wide range of the Romney campaign’s insufferable qualities: its attempt to dodge policy substance, its contempt for ordinary voters, its barely-concealed determination to conceal its principal’s real motivations. (To be sure, calling all toasters came up with a similar slogan a couple of hours earlier: “Vote Romney. We’ll tell you why when you need to know.” But in addition to suspecting that NickB didn’t read all the previous comments before submitting—a shame, but not plagiarism—I judge NickB’s version to be substantially better. And calling all toasters has already been duly honored for another effort)

The now-famed NickB is the proud recipient of a gift certificate for a Heffalump, and of my sincere esteem. Well done. And thanks to all of you who made the choice difficult.