Tag Archives: sex

Maura Kelly from Marie Claire wrote this list of Five Subliminal Tricks To Try On A Date that I wanted to share with you. If you’re worried about how to get from Date #1 to Date #2, this cheat sheet may help.
1. Reach out and touch.
Being touched by someone, even briefly and unintentionally, increases liking for the person. Men love it when a girl laughs and touches their shoulder. We have no idea why. Make it seem accidental or natural, like touching his hand briefly and saying, “I know!” will definitely get his mojo rising.

2. Get the dude to hold a hot cup of joe.
According to Ruud Custers, a psychology professor at Utrecht University in the Netherlands, research has shown that when you get someone to hold a cup of coffee, he will see you as a warmer person whereas the opposite is true for anyone holding a cold drink. It’s a weird association thing, but basically if one thing is hot, then it’s easy to assume everything in the situation is hot. Including the date. So pretend you’ve got to get something out of your bag and ask him to hold your coffee for a minute.

3. Be smooth. (Or soft. Or fluffy.) A very recent study published in the Science journal found that when participants were asked to work together to assemble puzzles, they would say that cooperating with their partners went less “smoothly” if their puzzle pieces were covered with sanding paper. See? It’s that crazy word-association stuff again. In other words, go to a restaurant or bar where the chairs and couches feel good, or wear a smooth or soft sweater. Ask us to touch it.

4. Imitate him.
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. A study out of Raboud University, in Nijmegen, The Netherlands, found that waitresses who simply repeated the orders of their customers back to them received larger tips. Occasionally repeat something your date says and ask, “Is that right?” or some other comment. Don’t play the Shadow Game.

5. Make sure he’s in a place full of things he likes.
More association stuff! Ruud just finished a study about how if we are in a place (like a bar) in which there is a stimulant (like a band) that another person finds pleasurable, he will come to associate the pleasure of that stimulant with the people around him. So stalk his Facebook profile, and take him to see a band or a club that plays his kind of music, or maybe see a movie that he’s likely to be a fan of.

The truth? Men are simple creatures. If we have fun on a date, whether it’s because of the other person or not, then we’ll assume the other person had something to do with it. “I had a really good time last night” could have nothing to do with you, but the psychology of it is that he’ll (and you’ll) interpret it as “I had a really good time last night with you.”

Marie Claire ran a recent article investigating sex addiction, particularly female sex addiction. We all know about male “sex addicts” like Tiger Woods and Jesse James, but we don’t hear about female sex addicts. Are they out there?

First of all, what is sex addiction, anyway? New York-based sex therapist Mavis Humes Baird defines it as “any sexually related activity that is having a destructive effect on your life.” Well, then, cheating on a person and causing the relationship to end would technically count as a destructive effect, wouldn’t it? I don’t think we should consider them sex addicts, that’s just a cop-out for infidelity.

Obviously, there are serious sex addictions – if you can’t browse Craigslist without contacting 12 strangers for “Casual Encounters” or if you start missing work because you just had to watch another 17 hours of porn – those are diseases that need treatment. And yes, women get them, too:

To Veronica, a 39-year-old social worker in Seattle who became hooked on porn in the throes of a bad breakup, sex addiction is no joke. “My boyfriend stopped sleeping with me, and I was looking for other ways to get off,” she explains. “Soon I was masturbating to porn with the window open, hoping someone would see me.” By day, she was a buttoned-up temp at a law firm; by night, she was online, having sex chats with strangers and watching hard-core videos. Then one evening, she stumbled upon child pornography. “It made me sick to my stomach,” she says, “but I kept looking.” The next day, she found an SAA meeting.

So, is sex addiction real? I believe it is, but cheaters do use it as an excuse to have affairs – “I can’t help it, honey, I’m addicted.” Well, if you’re addicted to drugs, you’d best believe I’d leave you. And if you’re addicted to sex, I’d leave you, too. (Unless you’re only addicted to sex with me. That’s okay.) I’ll support a person who’s fighting an addiction and help them get treated, but I won’t date them.

So if you’re in a relationship with someone who says they’re addicted to sex, male or female, either A) they’re making excuses for cheating or B) they need to get help. Regardless, you should end the relationship immediately and deal with A or B accordingly.