My Journey

Month: January 2017

I am a self-confessed yo-yo dieter. I have tried every game out there, some multiple times and none of them of stuck. I have counted points, eaten for my blood type, tried to correct my hormones, cut out gluten, cut out fat, cut out carbs and relied on pre-made foods. It would work for a bit and then something would happen that resulted in a “cheat” day.

“People who eat healthy do this all the time I should be fine.” was the voice in my head…but here is the thing. For those that are honestly addicted to food (extreme emotional eaters) that one cheat day spirals into two cheat days, then a week and then a month and before you know it you have gained back all the weight you have lost plus ten extra pounds so you go console yourself with a super-sized meal at a fast food place, because only the grease and salt can make you feel better.

Before I was going to lose weight I needed to change how I dealt with my emotions. I would always suck up my feelings and put on a brave face…I used food as my coping method…much like a druggie uses drugs or an alcoholic uses alcohol. Once I figured out that I was a lovable person who had good ideas, a sense of humour and value, I could move on to change how I dealt with food. Much of this self-awareness was hard fought, and there are times that I still struggle with expressing myself. Writing is a great way for me to get everything out, my blog is often the result of my thoughts while I walk in the mornings.

One of my “ah-ha” moments was the realization that as a creation of God, we have everything we needs to live well on earth. Part of that is taking part in the bounty of the harvest and what He has given us to steward. My husband and I have a passion for local food (mostly because he grew up on a farm and this is a cause near and dear to his heart). We have gone with a whole food eating program….if God made it, we are good to go. We don’t measure and we eat things that compliment each other in terms of proper digestion. We are into our fourth week and are having tremendous results. I am happy to share more details if you want them, please email me a message.

Blessings

NB

PS-I love the fact that my husband is doing this with me…the buddy system isn’t just for swimming.

I don’t want to give the impression that I have gotten to my current semi-Zen state easily. I began this journey about 5 years ago during a bit of a health crisis in my life. I was 38 and I had joint pain so bad I couldn’t go to work. I couldn’t really do anything. I was ashamed to seek help because I figured the joint pain was due to my weight…the only thing the doctor was going to tell me was to get off my big butt and stuff less crap in my face. This was my head-speak talking, my doctor’s reaction was amazing.

I had a wonderful family doctor and he never once said anything to make me feel bad about where I was or how much work it would take to get to where I wanted to go. He was supportive and offered to meet with me once a month to help get my weight in check. He found out about free apps for logging food and exercise. He ask questions and he did other tests just to make sure he wasn’t missing something…he was wonderful!

The test results came back, I did have an issue, extremely high levels of inflammation. It was causing my joints to ache. I was put on a high dose anti-inflammatories while I had more tests to figure out what was wrong with me.

There was good news and bad news. There was nothing wrong with me…all systems go, except the inflammation that no one could explain. I saw a specialist and he was stumped, but he did up my dose of medication and told me to be on my way. I developed stomach problems because of the medication and had to be put on a second medication for extreme acid reflux. I saw my future, and it was not pretty. Different medication to fight the symptoms of the other medication to cover up that fact that I was unhealthy…this led to more emotional eating…I was trapped in a vicious cycle and couldn’t break out…I had to take action.

I revamped my eating and gave up drinking the several liters of diet pop I would consume every day. Things got better, I have not had to take pain medication for about 2 1/2 years now.

I have tried to find a good eating program…there is so much out there that is completely unattainable, especially as a lifestyle change. I finally have one that brings results and is sensible. Whole, real food with no white stuff, except cauliflower. My husband-who responded so sweetly to my last blog-is on the journey with me. I have a personal trainer who encourages and kicks my butt every week and I have other friends who have recognized my struggle and have volunteered to walk beside me. Having support is key to success I feel…for privacy I won’t name everyone, but my thanks is heartfelt!

If food and I were in a relationship, our status on Facebook would be It’s Complicated.

I love to feed people, see others enjoying what I have created for them. This goes back to my family roots where my mom’s large extended family would gather for holidays. This involved enough food to feed a small European nation. I love getting together with family in celebration, enjoying the bountiful blessings in each bite. Savoring the family favorites, food traditions-if you will, that my family has enjoyed for generations.

I married a man who loves the fact that I can cook and bake with a pretty good degree of confidence. My children love to bake with me, especially when we are busting out the chocolate chip cookies. Food has brought me great joy and satisfaction, and some accolades, which is always nice too.

Then there is the dark side of my relationship with food…the one that I don’t want people to see but has impacted me on so many levels. I am addicted to food. I don’t make that statement lightly or off-the-cuff. I crave fatty, sugary, unhealthy food like a druggie craves their next hit or an alcoholic craves their next drink. It is constant, and it is something that I battle with each and every day!

I am not sure where this all began, I don’t have one event that I can say this is the time I turned to food for comfort. But I did, and I take full responsibility for it. I knew what I was doing, but I felt powerless to stop. Frankly, for most of my life, I didn’t want to stop…where else could I turn to for instant comfort, for celebration, to use to stuff my feelings so far down they wouldn’t escape. I couldn’t let loose and express myself freely…what if this caused people to not like me or think badly of me. Ironically, my ballooning weight has caused most of the negative judgement in my life…I was stuck in a cycle that I couldn’t seem to break. It has impacted relationships, held me back physically and caused over whelming self-doubt, bordering on self-hatred. I just wanted it all to stop!

I am happy to say that I am now in a much better place…my relationship with food is slowly starting to change, but I still feel like I need to track everything, lest the beast wake up and I go spinning out of control again.

I am eating healthy-with the support and participation of my family. I am moving-with the encouragement and guidance of friends. I am expressing myself more and more and I am reaching out to those that see themselves in my story.

Let me introduce myself, I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, teacher, cook, avid reader, born-again Christian who is striving to get healthy in 2017. I wanted to start this blog because I have realized that in order to achieve my goals I need to approach healthy in a different way.

I want to be healthy on all levels: physical, emotional, spiritual and mental. I have some building blocks in place. I have started an eating program with my husband and it is going well-I will blog about that at a different time. I am exercising and making time for activity in my life. I am working on getting into a deeper relationship with my God-always a bit of a struggle for me-if I am being honest. The missing piece was a way to express myself in a real, honest and raw way. This blog is my cheap self-therapy.

I hope by reading my blog, it gives you some encouragement in your own journey. Please feel free to leave a comment or a note.

Welcome to my journey to get healthy in 2017. I hope that you will appreciate the sharing that goes on in this form. Thanks for indulging me in my moments of self-expression and those times where I just need to vent.