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Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Once upon a little while she wanted to make a difference. She pulled and tugged at her hair for crazy
was she indeed. Tearing down tearing out she lives another day. Her eyes
burning dry, wishing she had another route. Her madness seeping through her pores, contaminating
near and far.

She doesn't wish to ruin lives; it’s just her taint that
spreads, like glass on a river sinking that waits with sharp edge.

It is of no use, she is of no use. She would upset the
balance if only she could. She doesn't
want to be what spurs you to make a difference. She wants to be the light that shines in your
eyes. She wants to be the streams flowing and nourishing every
river and ocean that brings the rains of life.

What must happen? What can she do to change the tides of chaos
when she is the chaos?

To be the love that emits from being to being, to be the
fodder that nourishes you that floats out connecting each essence as one, that
is what she craves deep in her folds.

What is this she speaks of when madness is within her? She
looks out eyes so dry not knowing she is doomed before she begins. She tears
and shreds, destruction what she does best, for the new to push through. She is
not the flower she is the lightening that crashes down through a forest to
cleanse it of debris.

She screams of things that cannot be changed, her fate
sealed the day she was born from the darkness. She lets her sorrow beat down upon
the earth as she does the only thing she knows how, destroy what has been
created making way for others to be creators. She screams at the ache deep
within that will never abate and then fades away until her madness is torn from
her once again.

Destruction must happen to bring new life and she is the
destruction.

What if she was to embrace the madness that she always tries
to contain? What if she unleashes the madness that dwells within her house;
this house that holds her soul?

You will clear the way from all that stands to allow light
in. Allow the light to shine into your
being; your being willed grows to its new heights of love. She will stand by and watch from a place deep
in the darkness wanting to but not being able to stop your ascendance to heaven
within the Divine. You, who shine so bright, are so bright, you are the light
within everything that is.

She stands by unable to be that light. She screams and
rages. You take pity but know there isn’t anything you can do because she lives
in a prison of her own making. She chose to be that which can destroy but cannot
bring life. She moves back into the dark, allowing the light to reign once
again. A tear falls down and a flower grows.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

April has been a month of a mixture of madness and blessings. There was so much chaos going on at home I had to get away or lose my mind. The blessing came from a dear friend that has this Lake house up in North Georgia and allowed me to stay for 41 days to clear my head, transform my energy, and write.

As you can see it has a beautifully serene energy to help me do just that.

I sit and meditate, dance out my frustrations, take long walks, open to inspiration, and write my heart onto the page. Sometimes I just sit and breath.

I brought with me wonderfully healthy foods and a few treats such as my Chai Tea, Greek Honey yogurt (which by the way if you haven't tried it, it is Divine!), red and white wine, and my dark chocolate chips.

You would think in such a beautiful place I would rise above the madness and feel energized, peace of mind, and joy. Well I have moments and then I feel myself plummeting down again into the depths of sorrow.

So many things are changing in my life. There are family changes that are breaking my heart.

I know that everything changes and it is probably time for these changes as well; try telling that to my heart. They don't call it growing pains for nothing.

Flowers blooming in the spring, bring color into our lives and remind me that there is always beauty waiting around the corner.

Until it is time to head back up this road, I am going to take advantage of every minute I have here. I am working on letting go of outcome, taking things one at a time, and remembering to be in the present moment; that this too shall pass, nothing ever stays the same.

I am writing every day working on my memoir, which is difficult in and of itself.

I do my morning pages by writing most days in 750words.com but sometimes I don't get to it.

I am taking care of my Story Dam responsibilities.

I do wordmongering most mornings with my writing partner Tui at Mental Mosaic.

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Grab a cup of tea or coffee (oh what the heck, get a danish too!) and sit a spell. You might want to grab your notebook and pen because you never know when you will be inspired to write down a quote, or jot down a poem of your own. Words are like that, they take you on a journey and the next thing you know you are breathing life into your own magical world of words.