Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Question of the Day: Why are some people opposed to PDA (Public Displays of Affection)?

When I'm in love (or "deep like"), I'm a mushy gushy, all or nothin' type of gal. I'm the type that my feelings take over and I just can't help myself from wanting to touch, hold hands or kiss my mate in public. For me, it's an outward demonstration of my feelings and emotions for that person. I have, however, dated people that just weren't into the PDA thing. It was difficult and truth be told, I just didn't "get it." This person said they were into me, enjoyed my company, was physically attracted to me, and yet, when we were out in public, the displays of appreciation seemed to fall by the way.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type where people from across a crowded bar shout out, "Get a room!" to me and my mate, but I do require some form of physical closeness demonstrated. It's a sign not only to others, but to me as well that says, "I'm with you, I adore you and I'm proud enough to show off my feelings for you." If someone is completely against outward displays of affection, generally that's a very good warning sign for me that our personalities probably won't mesh. I'm very open, carefree, affectionate and fun and I'm a big believer that "birds of a feather flock together."

A woman in my database recently wrote me with this question and shared her story of a guy she was recently dating. She said when she asked him for a little bit of affection outside of the bedroom, he said that he wasn't the guy for her and that she was asking for too much. She asked me if I thought she was being unreasonable asking this guy to hold her hand out in public and my response was, "Nope! But I think he summed it up perfectly, he's not the guy for you!"

I went on to say that anytime someone tells you that you're asking for too much out of the relationship, then its a big red flag that perhaps its time to assess things and to possibly move on. And anybody whose going to work through inevitable conflicts in your relationship will stick around to resolve them. Period! Not only that, if someone can't hold your hand, kiss or embrace you when people are around, what's the point of being in a relationship?

Again, you don't need to be groping up on one another and making others uncomfortable to be around you, but if you can't show a little affection once in awhile to your partner, what's really the point? Afterall, we go into relationships looking for support, companionship and love. It seems only logical that we relax, enjoy the sensations of love and show what we're feeling about our partners to others.