TOPIC: David Stern has placed his Madden

David Stern has placed his finger on the madden mobile coins scale to help teams rebuild quickly.Charlotte Horncats: Stern continues to owe Michael Jordan for retiring from a promising baseball career and preventing Shawn Kemp, Karl Malone and Patrick Ewing from becoming NBA champions.

The league could never have recovered from any of those guys becoming the face of basketball. (And yes, Horncats is a thing.) Cleveland Cavaliers: Multiple lottery victories were included in the blood oath signed by Stern and Cavs owner Dan Gilbert that led to Gilbert dropping tampering charges against the Heat. Had Gilbert continued his crusade, the Heat's 2011 Southeast Division title would have been vacated, and LeBron may have been Chris Webber'd out of history. Nerlens Noel is a small price to pay to prevent that.Phoenix Suns:

"Why is Robert Sarver carrying around that designer handbag? And why is there a glitchy film cut before the ball hopper is started? My God, did Sarver sneak loaded ping pong balls in via his wife's handbag? His wife must have told him to bring her back the No. 1 pick in a designer handbag ... interesting ..." Our pre-lottery mock draft Tom Ziller's last mock draft before the real order is set.

New Orleans Pelicans: Louisiana's hastily rewritten lemon law apparently covers horrible lottery picks. Pelicans owner Tom Benson is threatening to file for a refund for the team if the NBA doesn't make up for the lousy Austin Rivers selection pronto. Just months from retirement, David Stern really Cheap Madden NFL 18 Coins doesn't need this mess.

Sacramento Kings: This one is too easy. Sacramento keeps its team, David Stern needs to look smart. So he grants the Kings the No. 1 pick to build even more excitement for a 2013-14 season that will likely land the team back in the lottery for the bajillionth straight season.Detroit Pistons: David Stern has major stock in General Motors. A rising tide raises all boats. Wake up, sheeple.Washington Wizards: Nice Presidential scandals you've got there.