Welcome to Bottles of Djinn, the Web’s #1 source for entertaining, inspirational, and generally useful information, all specifically designed to support the supernatural world’s endless war against mundane reality. Like it or not, the Djinn, former undisputed masters of this world, are reawakening all across the globe. Welcome to the beginning of the end of the world as you know it…

"Those who fight monsters should be careful lest they become monsters themselves."

Those recruited into the Djinn Army to work against the zombie epidemic must each be screened very carefully least the knowledge they gain be twisted and used to evil ends. The inoculation process we currently use can be slow and tedious work indeed, as most zombies are highly resistant, if not down right unresponsive, to any actions that are aimed at the provocation of self-awareness, deep philosophical thought, or real introspection. It has been argued by some on the fringes of our science that these zombies, if they have any hope of awakening, can only be “shocked” into consciousness and perspective, by having their gross degeneracy and mindlessness made overwhelming and painfully apparent, not only to themselves, but, at times, to the authorities and the media as well. This approach, which I strongly caution against, is often referred to as “zombie torture,” and proponents of this radical and dangerous strategy can cite amazing examples of its application even just within recent history.

Perhaps one of the most stunning displays of zombie torture can be seen in the alleged work of one David Stewart, a Florida man accused of making phone calls to numerous fast food chains across the country, in which he convinced the manager to detain, strip search, and even sexually abuse, some random employee that he would accuse of stealing a customer's purse. Not only did the voice on the other end of the line claim to be a police officer, but it also claimed to have some corporate higher-up on the other line, further condoning, in the minds of these managers, the acceptability of the voice's increasingly strange demands. Although individual co-workers brought into this game would often refuse to co-operate with these odd and torturous commands, few, if any, it seems, interfered. What’s most horrible, however, is that it appears that more than one restaurant manager followed all of the mysterious voices twisted orders to the letter; detaining, spanking, and in one case even sodomizing, their young “suspects” for literally hours on end. Authorities now believe the man in question may have been responsible for perhaps hundreds of such crimes over a ten year period, starting in the early 90’s and ending, as far as anyone knows, around June of 2004, when, perhaps coincidentally, the above mentioned David Stewart was arrested for these crimes. However, it should be noted that all formal charges against David Stewart eventually had to be dropped, due to the fact that the police had insufficient evidence to convince a jury that he had made any of the alleged calls. To date, the true identity of the voice on the phone, and their ultimate motives for such behavior, remains a mystery.

One, of course, can not help but be reminded of the infamous Milgram compliance experiments, where a Yale professor tested how long the subjects in his psych study would comply with the commands of a person dressed in a lab-coat as the authority figure ordered them to administer increasingly greater electrical shocks to another supposed participant in the study. As you may know, people everywhere were, if you’ll excuse the pun, “shocked” at the murderous extremes to which the weight of authority can push otherwise normal people. The study, like the mysterious voice at the other end of the fast-food chain phone, showed how little actual free will, or perhaps active compassion, is actually present in our modern world; although one would think that any illusions people had in this regard would have already been shattered long ago by the various horrors of the Holocaust. The zombies, unsurprisingly however, seem to remain unaware and/or undisturbed by the reality of their state to this very day.

If the Holocaust did so little to wake us up, what makes any rouge zombie researcher think that he or she can spread enlightenment via similar displays of mindless compliance and chaos. I believe that, deep down, these rogue social engineers don’t believe that they are doing any real good to anyone, but are merely lashing out at a blind, and therefore often cruel, populous; preying on those who’ve fallen asleep midlife, and are therefore ripe for such abuses. These sad researchers of the epidemic, in their own way, have each themselves succumbed to the very same zombie disease that all of us within the Djinn Army have been recruited to fight, having retained much of their self-awareness perhaps, but clearly having lost both their compassion and their humanity, and therefore having become something far less than human as well. If you encounter them, beware; for these are even greater monsters than those we would normally fight, and we must each be very careful, even if we can’t always stop them, to be certain that we ourselves don’t become anything like them.

Many of the special techniques used by the Djinn army will reveal various weaknesses and leverage points of a human mind under the influence of Phobosophitis. Although such knowledge is an invaluable aid to the inoculation process, it can also be very easily abused, and so again, I implore each of you to please observe the proper protocols when attempting to judge who should be recruited and trained as an aeonic endjinneer, and who would, due to disposition and personal tendency, better serve our cause, and the world itself, as merely an asset. It is of course my hope that those who understand the call will answer it, but only those who come to us for the right reasons should be armed with the dangerous knowledge that we possess. Namaste.

Simon Zealot is a recovering super villain now trying to help all of those insignificant common people he once sought to enslave and/or annihilate. He's the author of three books, The Shadow Society Guidebook, The Malakimae Manual and The Hermetic Grimoire of the Neo-Templar Order. He is also a special investigator, a martial arts instructor, an astrologer, a hypnotist, a fire performer, an escape artist, a world class mentalist, and, of course, one of the once conquered, but now returning, Djinn.