Real Housewives

This week's episode starts off with Lisa Rinna dropping into Kyle by Alene Too. For her birthday, Mauricio generously offered to buy her any item she wants in Kyle's entire store and the hustling queen of the 90210 has come to collect. As she's perusing the store, Lisa Rinna reflects on Belle Gray, the boutique she opened in 2003, but closed when the recession hit and the store got robbed three times in six weeks. Meanwhile, Kyle's store continues to flourish: the new children's clothing she's selling is flying off the shelves and she even opened a pop-up shop in the Hamptons. She also mentions that Lisa V. landed the cover of Bella Magazine, and is being thrown a party to celebrate in the Hamptons, so they're making it a girls' weekend for all the 'Wives.

Meanwhile, there's sickness all over in Beverly Hills, and it starts with a sickly pet swan. Apparently the former half of Hanky & Panky has come down with a stomach infection and Lisa Vanderpump wants to get him feeling better before she leaves for the East Coast. Ken awkwardly loads the temperamental bird into the Range Rover, escaping with only a few bites. He and Lisa take Hanky to the vet, at which point I'm wondering if the animal doctor was ever properly trained in goose-related stomach maladies. Apparently she was because next thing we know, Hanky's getting a tube of some foul-looking concoction shoved down his beak with the promise that he'll be all better soon.

To help integrate Erika to the group, Yolanda invites Kyle to go walking with them in the park. Fresh off her Canadian vacation with David, Yolanda seems to look and feel better. However, she makes a point to remind Kyle that the battle for her health is a day-to-day challenge, so on a day she's feeling good, she's going to take a walk in the park with her friends. In her interview, Kyle vows not to bring up Lisa Rinna's Munchausen's allegation from last week - that responsibility lies solely with Rinna's lips. Erika and Kyle seem to take to each other right away over their common interests and kids, while Yolanda brags about her friend's eight "disco hits." It's called the Billboard dance chart, Yo. As conversation turns inevitably to Yolanda's Lyme disease, Kyle brings up how she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and depression after her mom's passing, saying that often symptoms tend to mimic other diseases. Yolanda is quite to shut this topic down before it goes any further, saying in her interview that you can't compare Lyme disease with anything else. Yolanda wants Erika to meet the rest of the ladies before she leaves for her surgery in Cleveland. Apparently, an MRI showed silicone leakage on Yo's lymph nodes and in her chest cavity, so she's going to Ohio to have her implants and all the other silicone that's been leaking for years removed.

As the women debate the wisdom of breastfeeding with implants, Yolanda drops a bombshell: Bella and Anwar have both been diagnosed with Lyme disease as well, and have been struggling for the past two years. A baffled Kyle finds it improbable that three members of the same family would have been bitten by a tick, but Yolanda explains that with the family growing up on a ranch before their move to Malibu it's not too far-fetched. This revelation helps explain why Yo has been fighting so furiously to find a cure that works. Not only is she fighting for her own health, she's fighting for Bella's and Anwar's too.

In this week's TMI moment, Lisa Rinna gets her vagina and backside waxed on national television before heading off to Canada to meet Harry and the girls. And...thank goodness that's over now. If only I could destroy that image that has now been burned in my brain.

With Rinna off to the Great White North, Eileen invites Kyle and Lisa Vanderpump to come take a tour of the set for The Young and the Restless. Lisa Vanderpump is determined to pull an All About Eve and steal Eileen's role as Ashley Abbott for the day. Once she realizes showing the pair the costume section is like herding cats, Eileen takes them to her dressing room to help her run some lines. While Lisa butchers her attempt at reading lines, Kyle fills her and Eileen in on her walk with Erika and Yolanda. Since the conversation is out on the table once again, Lisa reiterates how uncomfortable the Munchausen's conversation was at her house. All three women are quick to defend Lisa Rinna - pointing out that she's not malicious nor is she creating gossip herself. However, all three also agree that if Lisa R. feels bad about what she said, she needs to tell Yolanda herself.

A bit later, Yolanda and Erika arrive at the Sofitel Los Angeles at Beverly Hills so the newbie can meet the rest of the women (minus Lisa Rinna) over drinks. Lisa Vanderpump arrives first and Erika greets her with a very formal handshake. Wait, is this a job interview? Lisa's first impression of Erika is that she might be a human Barbie doll - what, with her long blonde hair, short skirt and $189,000 Cartier panther ring. Erika immediately takes Lisa's wicked humor in stride as the OG tells her she can't come into the group wearing any pink. Everyone knows that's Lisa owns the color pink. Today Yolanda is feeling sick, yet she's out to drinks. Kyle brings up the news that Bella and Anwar both have the disease, which leaves Lisa utterly astounded. After all, she's known Yolanda's ex-husband Mohamed and the kids for years, and has never heard a thing about it. Hmm...not quite sure what to think about that. Soon enough, Yo is going to have everyone thinking they have Lyme disease - it'll be like Munchausen by proxy for friends!

Eileen arrives fresh from taping in a pretty teal dress and conversation turns to the upcoming Hamptons trip. Yolanda won't be able to come because of her surgery in Cleveland, but Kyle invites Erika to join them after she's finished performing at Gay Pride in Chicago. Erika, you're in girl. As the 'Wives get the new girl talking, they're increasingly intrigued by this flashy disco dance queen. As she explains her backstory, Erika spills the beans - her husband is 76 years old. The other ladies' poker faces upon hearing this tidbit of information are laughably terrible. No one can hide their shock at the 32-year age difference between Erika and Mr. Girardi. (Strangely, it seems from Erika's statement that she's in it for the long haul or she'll get half that the couple doesn't have a prenup. Weird for one of the most famous lawyers in America, right?)

Once the 'Wives have given Erika an appropriately hard time, they start telling her about Ken's recent 70th birthday party, which leads Lisa to bring up Taylor Armstrong and her big mouth. Yolanda jumps on this, mentioning that she heard Taylor was questioning her Lyme disease at the party. The former 'Wife is chump change to Yolanda, who hasn't even seen her in over three years. Kyle tries to diffuse the rumor before it gains momentum, but Eileen manages to somehow misconstrue the conversation and starts bringing up Lisa Rinna's gossip, (thankfully without any mention of the M-word). As Eileen tip-toes around the subject while trying to defend Lisa Rinna, Kyle and Lisa V. are like a couple of deer in headlights. This gossip is news to Yolanda, and the other women are immediately on damage control, shutting down any hints of Lisa Rinna's "betrayal" while telling Yo that Lisa R. wants to set things straight and explain the situation herself. With no time for gossip about her condition, Yolanda excuses herself from the group and gracefully bows out, leaving the ladies worried that they crossed a line.

Back in Malibu, Yolanda has gathered Gigi, Bella, Anwar and her mom for a serious talk before her surgery. After the kids lug a giant pot of soup up the hill behind their estate, Yo sits down with them and brings out a giant manila envelope with their names on it. It's Yolanda's will. Naturally, all three kids start getting emotional, bewildered at the idea that their mom thinks something could go wrong in the surgery. If she thinks she'll be fine, then why trot out the will? Yolanda tries to explain that she's simply preparing for all possible outcomes and wants to make sure her family is taken care of. She assures her now-scared family members that the surgeon she's going to in Cleveland has performed over 600 explant surgeries and nothing has ever happened. It's all going to be OK...right?