An Assortment of Thoughts

Last week, I’d mentioned that I thought I was doing so much better. I lied.

I had a second dream of Grandma on Friday night. It was so real and so tangible, I felt like I could reach out and touch her. Then I woke up, realized she wasn’t coming back, and I cried. A lot. I’ve been in a funk since.

The first time I dreamt of Grandma, it was the day after her funeral. And I was pissed. I even sent a text to Mom and the sisters saying, “Dreams need to leave the hell enough alone.” See? Pissed Jenn.

Its just too early. I know that eventually I’ll want to have those brief moments with her, but its just too soon. I wake up and the pain is so fresh and new.

And I’ve decided I really need to let go of any ideas/preconceived notions I have of grief. There are zero rules in grief. One step forward, two steps back. Or three steps forward, one step back. I just need to cut myself some slack and work through each emotion as it comes.

This post has had more views in the past 10 days than any other post I’ve written. in 7 years of blogging. It cracks me up! And if I wasn’t already convinced that I’ll never write of this topic again, the email asking me to review and giveaway a certain feminine product was the proverbial nail in the coffin. Um, no.

Ashlynn has morphed into a full-blown toddler mode, almost overnight. In reality, probably over a span of three weeks, but still. Her attitude, her vocabulary, her gestures have matured exponentially. My favorites include “I wuv you!” and “O-yo” (for Bobo) and “Excuse you!” every time she burps or toots, which is stinking adorable.

Over the past 48 hours, Jon had two separate briefings with Secret Service agents. He received half the protection detail for President Obama’s visit to Fort Collins at one meeting, and the other half at the next meeting. I don’t care if you like him or not, its still pretty cool to be a part of history in that way. We now have a briefing note with the Secret Service seal in our possession. Very cool.

Yesterday morning Reagan sliced her toe on our vacuum. I would love to tell you the story, but I really have NO clue how it happened. One moment she’s standing on the vacuum, and the next, the arm is swinging back up and she’s screaming.

It wasn’t a deep cut, but still took off a significant chunk of skin. Enough to warrant a visit to the doctor to see if stitches were needed, which it didn’t. Here’s a secret about Reagan though… Girlfriend is tough. Mega tough. More times than not, I cringe after an incident, knowing I’d be screaming in pain if I were her, and she’s shaking it off like its no big deal. So if she’s screaming, you know its bad. But she’s hobbling along as if she’s been doing it all her life.

Random fact. In almost 8 years of parenting, we’ve had:

0 broken bones

1 set of stiches

1 severe burn

All in all, I think that’s a pretty good record. (Now I’m going to look for some wood to knock on because with our luck this year, this could change in a heartbeat.)

The same morning of Reagan’s sliced toe, Mom was taking Dad to the ER for severe abdominal pain. She’s a nurse and was fairly confident it was kidney stones, which it is, in both kidneys. It made me realize that I’ve developed an irrational fear of family going in for routine problems and coming out with a cancer diagnosis. I’m not a fan of this turn of events. I really want my naivety back.

This past weekend we went up to Vail to spend a few days with Jon’s family. One night, Jon’s younger brother and his wife took the older three for an aunt-uncle-nieces-nephew night. It involved a demolition derby and a sleepover. The Littles absolutely LOVED it.

Which brings me to this next point… Our Littles have a well-rounded group of uncles. From Jon’s brothers to my sisters’ husbands, each one brings something unique to the table. The Littles are going to be well-balanced when it comes to uncles’ influences in their lives.

I also got to hold the newest addition to our family this weekend… nephew Landon Joshua. He was born to Jon’s older brother and girlfriend at the beginning of August, in one of the scariest birthing experience I’ve ever heard of or experienced.

I am not kidding when I say that the original hospital staff was certain that Maryna wasn’t going to survive the helicopter ride to Denver and the subsequent surgeries. You forget that giving birth can be a dangerous event, especially in this day and age, but there’s always a chance of “what ifs”. And thanks to amazing staff at both hospitals and four surgeries later, Maryna is well on the road to recovery. It was an honor to get to sit by her side during the first scary night so Josh could get some much-needed sleep.

I told you it was a rough summer.

And I’m loving having a baby in the family again. Almost as much as the fact that the baby didn’t come from me. Ha! I’ve decided that being an aunt is the next best thing to Mama. I get to hold, snuggle, and love on baby, then give them back to Mama and Daddy.

I’m working on a “I was a better mother before I had kids…” post. Its been in draft form for a few weeks now. I have SO much material for it that I’m having to scale back considerably. I laugh because oh, if I was the mother I thought I’d before kids, I think I’d be a miserable woman. I’m thankful that I’ve grown more relaxed with the addition of each child. It was either that, or go crazy.

July 6th and August 6th are important dates to our family. Originally they were my mom and sister’s birthdays respectively, however this year they became dates to measure Grandma’s quick demise. I know its illogical, silly even, but I just want to survive my birthday on September 6th with zero to little bad news. I think I’ll breathe a little easier come September 7th.

I was recently asked about our church search and I realized I haven’t posted on here about it. I’ll dedicate a whole post to it in the future, but we have found a church. We’ve never left the first one we tried. We love it there, and after being there for four months, we’re confident in our decision to stay.

Lastly, I think I’m about to throw a rock through our tv. Or any tv for that matter. Can the election be over already?!

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.

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comments

I positive that if Taylor and Ashlynn would get along fantastically. Taylor talks up a storm, and is already trying to potty train (no pressure here)! Any luck on that serum yet? Anyway, I'm so glad y'all found a church. I had a feeling the first one was a keeper. Been thinkin' of you!

Oh girl.... dreams after a loved one's death are so raw & real & painful to wake from. But please oh please give yourself the grace to have your boohoo downright dripping sob moments, then get back to life, knowing another moment may very well come again & you'll breathe/cry through that. I love you & all your strength & awesome mama/wifeness <3

Oh girl.... dreams after a loved one's death are so raw & real & painful to wake from. But please oh please give yourself the grace to have your boohoo downright dripping sob moments, then get back to life, knowing another moment may very well come again & you'll breathe/cry through that. I love you & all your strength & awesome mama/wifeness <3

Wow, this is quite the random post. So many thoughts.First of all, I've had a dream or two of Grandma too and I always have a good cry when I wake.I've also noticed how much Ashlynn is growing into a toddler. Love her new words and her personality. Yes! Being an Aunt IS the next best thing to being a Mom.I too have an irrational fear when loved ones go to the hospital now.Reagan IS one tough cookie. And last but not least, I'm so over the election.Love you!

Random toddler fun... I've been trying to teach Zoe the difference between the need to pass gas and actually poop so that we're not running to the bathroom 20 times a day {slight exaggeration} and so now any time she hears ANYBODY passing gas she says, "Mommy ____ farted?" or "Mommy, Zoe farted!!!!" I'll have to reel that in soon, but for right now, it's freaking adorable!

About

Jenn in Munchkin Land

I’m a coffee drinking, book reading, laundry procrastinating, husband and children loving, mess of a woman who believes that chips and salsa can fix anything. We have chickens running around the backyard, a mountain of dishes in the sink, and on any given morning, I have at least 10 school forms that need my signature or initials. It’s a crazy life {I prefer to call it controlled chaos}, but its ours.