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Monday, January 19, 2015

Like Martin Luther King, I had a dream, more like a
nightmare, I dreamt I was a member

of parliament and rose to speak!

“Mr speaker I rise to speak on some kind of point, not sure
if it is of clarification or of order but I rise nonetheless, more than some
people can do! Mr. speaker sir, there are many matters that concern to me and I
bring them to your honour’s attention, cut me some slack cause I may vary from
time to time to other matters which to the unenlightened may seem irrelevant.

Sir I saw a headline last weekend on the front page of a
newspaper that said NO MONEY and was relieved sir to discover that it was not
you of whom they spoke but was troubled that it was about Clico sir, sadly they
appeared to have run out of money (something I thought happened way back in 08
which I thought lead to their collapse and to the flight of several persons,
was it to Paris sir?) now poor pensioners and others who invested in this
company may in the words of Miss June Fowler now have to suck salt from this
month. Mr Speaker sir I have sucked many salty things in my time but never
actually sucked salt! Salt prunes, salt meat and salt fish come readily to
mind!

Mr Speaker sir, I am concerned that the matter of no natural
gas in the pipelines has escalated to the South Coast restaurants and far from
finding a solution to the air that is in the pipelines, the problem was
worsened. It appears that this well known government corporation now has air (we
say gas but I don’t want to confuse this honourable house as people are already
saying we have too much hot air in here) and I wonder if this is as a result of
bloating in government which has lead to all this air or gas!

May I suggest a good enema could alleviate the air and allow
the gas to flow again but we simply cannot have Champers unable to serve
dinner, where would all our officials eat for example if Champers has no
cooking gas? While at it I notice Mr speaker sir the references to NATURAL gas,
could we perhaps try the UNNATURAL gas for a change?

People are saying that we are becoming a banana republic, a
charge I have stoutly resisted pointing out in the process that we grow no
bananas hence we cannot be a banana republic,duh!

Mr speaker, I was abhorred to read of a kidnapping of a man
in broad daylight, said man being stuffed into the trunk of a car, hollering
fuh blue murder and wondered what indeed was Bubbadus coming to? Thankfully
sir, the local constabulary were able to recover the man before we found out if
he was worth a reported eighty grand to his family, the ransom demanded.

Mr speaker I now turn my attention to the matter of the
African brethren who to date appear not to feel that “mi casa es su casa” but
sir while I may empathize with the brethren I shall hold my tongue in this
honourable house as I fear law suits that could tie up a simple Vendor for
years to come!

As my time is coming to a close Mr Speaker I will raise a
few other points quickly, wither the $500 million new sugar factory, in light
of the absence of sugar cane, what will it grind, we already grinding teeth so
that is not an option, likewise sir the Sam Lords project, another $500
million, could we allocate some to pay off poor Mr barack!

Mr speaker, you hearing me sir? Mr Speaker, sir are, you
there? Have you left the chair?”

Just then I wake up sweating bricks from my nightmare, thankfully
I was still a Vendor!

I Market Vendor gone fuh now,you have a blessed and a
wonderful day yuh hear?