Saturday, October 24, 2015

Nurse the Hate: Jacksonville and NFL Week 7

I had a very unsettling dream last night where I was on a
small dive boat out in the ocean.I couldn’t
see land in any direction.The sea was
very rough, the boat pitching violently.I had to get into scuba gear and jump into the sea to make a very deep
dive to a shipwreck where a small box supposedly contained something of great
value.The sea was a disturbing color of
green, a light sandy green that suggested little visibility once I entered the
water.After almost falling down on the
clumsy walk with my tank and flippers to the platform, I fell into the bracingly cold
water.There was almost no visibility as
I descended.A huge silhouette swam past
me above, an enormous predator.I kept
telling myself not to panic.I could
feel the presence of the massive shark looming nearby.I sunk to the bottom of the ocean and felt
along the sludgy sand bottom for the box, the only sound my labored breath
bubbling out.I kept cutting my fingers
on sharp rusty edges of debris as I desperately searched.At last I found the box, which was like a
small treasure chest.I struggled to
open it, to get the great treasure.Inside
it was one item, a small antique key.

I don’t know what that means, if anything, but I have my
suspicions.I do know that I am looking
for answers in my NFL picks, where I have been "struggling". It's been a half point here, a half point there... It still comes up loser. The issue is mostly that I don’t know
anything, and these games have razor thin margins of error.I do feel that the tide might be turning
though. This shows what a sap I am. I think I might need to get more
aggressive.It's the only option. It's a weird time right now. I am so far beyond burning
the candle at both ends.I have entered into a period of time where it is all activity, activity, activity.I don't really know what is going on as I am juggling too many things at once. The only course of action is to continue
moving until the wheels come completely off.Only when sitting amongst the smoking debris can I be expected to assess
what has happened.Until then, let’s go…

I am betting on the Jacksonville Jaguars this week.I have been to Jacksonville once.I played a show at a place called the Moto
Lounge with The Cowslingers.(I wrote “Gonna
Win The Lottery” on the stairs of a building outside the club before the show for
any Cowslinger trivia buffs out there.)Jacksonville was most noteworthy for our visit to a beach which was
populated by white trash dope addicts.Skinny young men and women with sores on their skin sat against a
horrible smelling cinder block latrine while we attempted to walk through the
needle infested sand to hop in the ocean.These were people that even Kid Rock would shy away from. Angry hillbillies in jacked up pickup trucks roared through the parking
lot.An almost empty Hooters sat near a
sad port.The place felt like a great
town to have your car broken into, or maybe sleep with a tired eyed single
mother that would steal your wallet while you slept.Grim place.

I am not going to let that stop me.I feel like the Jaguars will be so happy to
leave Jacksonville and play in London that they will score some points and keep
it close against Buffalo.I don't even know who is on the Jaguars. Does Maurice Jones Drew still play? It's all about betting against the raised expectations on the Bills. Rex Ryan will
probably try to show his players how cool he is by letting them go crazy in
London pubs, and as a result the Bills will play down to their level of competition
like all Rex Ryan coached teams.The
Bills have 8-8 written all over them despite having great talent.Rex
seems like an interesting man that isn’t a particularly good football
coach.He will be there three years and
leave in disgrace.This is not to
suggest anyone in Jacksonville knows what they are doing either.I’m just all over the points on the little team field
trip to England.Jacksonville +5.5.

A few weeks ago the story on the Raiders was that “They Are
Back Baby”!Then they lost to the Bears,
went on a bye week and are perceived to suck again.This is good for degenerates like
myself.All the same people that think
the Raiders suck just watched Phillip Rivers throw for 500 yards and almost
beat the Packers on the road.The
amazing thing about the NFL is that perception amongst the public is whatever
happened last week will happen again this week.That is never the case except for the Patriots winning and the Browns
losing in soul crushing ways.The human mind craves order from the chaos. Things are supposed to happen in a systematic manner. When they don't, the mind wants to reshuffle the deck into a more ordered revision of history. San Diego will always throw for 500 yards. If they almost beat Green Bay on the road, they'll kill the lowly Raiders at home. Of course. Yes.

Don't get me wrong. I hate betting on the Raiders. They have let me down almost as much as those loser Raider fans dressed like Darth Vadar and scary cavemen in their cheap seats. I wonder with the rapid "gentrification" of Oakland, if the new hipster crowd will become Raider fans? By the way, "gentrification" means that the poor people that lived there and ran used appliance and wig shops get moved out for dudes in mustache wax that open shops dedicated to free range organic antique bicycles and artisan espresso sweaters. If you drive a tow truck or deliver pizzas in the Bay Area, chances are you have tickets in the end zone at Raider games. I have a hard time seeing someone that waits tables at a vegan hot yoga herbal tea shop putting on skeleton makeup and yelling terrible things at Derek Carr. Here's what I know... San Diego
is 1-7 ATS at home. It's just difficult to play great football when it's 76 degrees, sunny, and everyone wants to hang out at the beach. What the hell. I'm on the Raiders +4.5.

About Me

As the singer of The Whiskey Daredevils, a group of barely talented dead beat no frills rockers, I travel a great many hours in a van. In this van, many opinions are formed that need to be shared in this space. There are many things that make sense in the van that don't make nearly as much sense in the cold harsh light of daylight. This is not my concern.