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Mom I am getting married so I can have sex!

I saw the other post about the 17 year old and it reminded me of what happened with my daughter. When she was 18 she came to me saying that she was going to get married so she wouldnt feel guilty for having sex with her boyfriend. They had been together through high school and were high school sweet hearts but didn't know eachother through their whole lives. I was shocked at what she was saying and so disapointed. My DH and I had taught all of our children about sex and how to protect themselves. We said that waiting until marriage is a really good idea but that if they felt they were ready beforehand that was normal. I had sex before marriage with my DH and my DD knew this. I sat down and we had a heart to heart about her future. I told her that things don't always work out. I told her that I felt that breaking up after sex for whatever reason was much better than having to go through with a divorce. I never thought I would be telling my daughter that it is better to have sex before marriage but there I was.

SHe is now 28 and happily married to another man. They did have sex and were together for another year but went their seperate ways. She met her DH when she was 22 and they are great together. She thanks me for the advice.

You may not think you did, but where do you think she got the idea from? There are 2 sides to everything, what you thought you told her and what she actually heard.

Quoting Anonymous:

I never made her feel guilty about it. I simply said that waiting until marriage is usually best but if you are committed to eachother it is normal and not the end of the world if you have sex before marriage.

Quoting starlight91:

I wouldnt have made having sex with her boyfriend something for her to feel guilty about in the first place.

I would have said the same thing! Getting married just to get laid is stupid. I'm going to teach safe sex, and choosing your partner wisely but not to wait till marriage. Like you said, much easier to break up than to divorce.
Sex shouldn't be the main reason to get married

She was very religious at that time and so was her bf. I never preached it to my kids that they should ONLY have sex after marriage. I didn't myself and I think the abstinence only approach is both stupid and putting your child at risk.

Quoting starlight91:

You may not think you did, but where do you think she got the idea from? There are 2 sides to everything, what you thought you told her and what she actually heard.

Quoting Anonymous:

I never made her feel guilty about it. I simply said that waiting until marriage is usually best but if you are committed to eachother it is normal and not the end of the world if you have sex before marriage.

Quoting starlight91:

I wouldnt have made having sex with her boyfriend something for her to feel guilty about in the first place.

Well she obviously heard it somewhere and most times its the parent, Im glad you helped her, Im not too worried about it in my family, my dd is 17 and has already had protected sex.

Quoting Anonymous:

She was very religious at that time and so was her bf. I never preached it to my kids that they should ONLY have sex after marriage. I didn't myself and I think the abstinence only approach is both stupid and putting your child at risk.

Quoting starlight91:

You may not think you did, but where do you think she got the idea from? There are 2 sides to everything, what you thought you told her and what she actually heard.

Quoting Anonymous:

I never made her feel guilty about it. I simply said that waiting until marriage is usually best but if you are committed to eachother it is normal and not the end of the world if you have sex before marriage.

Quoting starlight91:

I wouldnt have made having sex with her boyfriend something for her to feel guilty about in the first place.

by Anonymous 3
on May. 26, 2013 at 9:48 AM

I had a friend who did that. She got married at like 19 or something, so she could have sex. And as you'd have it, a few years down the line, they divorced. Not worth it in my opinion.

So I'd offer the same advice you did. Much better to have sex and break up than to get married just for it and then end up divorced.

I saw this a lot at college. I went to a conservative private college. Getting married just to have sex or because she is pregnant are two of the worst reasons to get married ever. The girls who did were never happy after. :(

Of course, we will never tell our kids to wait until marriage to have sex, we will tell them to wait until they care deeply about the other person. We will tell them that sex is wonderful and natural when with the right person so they need to be choosy.

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