Londoners told sell-off will not affect their 'Right to Moan'

David Cameron has come under fire from Labour after announcing plans to sell off all publicly owned parks and open spaces in central London.
Around 80,000 hectares of prime real estate in the capital have been identified as surplus to Tory requirement, which the treasury say will be sold off to help reduce the county’s deficit. Despite credit being tight during the downturn the government are confident they can find enough foreign investors and Tory party benefactors prepared to take up their offer.
But Labour leader Ed Miliband criticised the plan as ‘absolute heresy and an affront to the tax payer’
The PM hit back by saying the land earmarked for sale in the capital was fairly insignificant in size and barely any bigger than the rhododendron garden on his country estate in Oxfordshire.
Although the sell-off has yet to be fully sanctioned by the Government, it seems Goldman Sachs have already secured a deal for Hyde Park. Security firms have been busy throughout the night erecting razor wire and installing security checkpoints around the park gates. If the takeover of Hyde Park –or the GS Arena as it will be known in future - satisfies bosses at Goldman Sachs it is hoped the offer on Kensington Gardens will also go through – subject to the usual guarantees that UK tax payers will still fund essential repairs, maintenance and upkeep once the deal has gone through.
Bosses at GS are said to be delighted at securing the Hyde Park ....’we’re all big fans of the movie’ said GS employee Herman Goldstich ‘and to own the place where the doctor murdered all those butlers is awesome’
HSBC bosses have also been busy helping out in the disposal of London’s most unwanted landmarks , securing a one-off deal for Regent’s Park that, according to chancellor George Osborne ‘had swelled treasury coffers by several hundred pounds’. The deal was hailed as good business by HSBC shareholders but the sell-off has left Camden residents fuming after finding all the zoo animals had been released back to the wild half way up Primrose Hill.
Osborne hit back at critics who claimed the Tory sell off would yield insignificant amounts in future tax revenues by pointing out the new stakeholders all had their business registered offshore and so collecting taxes would not be an issue as they didn’t pay tax anyway. A win-win situation for hard pressed UK taxpayers and a saving on both time and money for HMRC investigators.
David Cameron defended the London sell off decision by drawing attention to a similar scheme that has been operating successfully in most Cotswolds villages for decades. For nearly 30 years the residents of Stow-on-the-Wold have had their lives transformed after the introduction of PFZs (Pleb Free Zones) to keep out unwanted day trippers. The residents, who had always made life miserable for visitors hoping to enjoy a day out, now operate a zero tolerance for anybody attempting to gain access to their village. Any vehicle costing less than £100,000 or over 12 months old (unless vintage) and have been completely barred from entering the village (along with anybody lower than Brigadier and all non RSC members) who are all turned back at the village stocks.
Once the sell off is complete, Cameron says the Tories will turn their attention to London’s most unwanted streets, paths and alleyways

Excellent 5* stuff Ger. Don't take this the wrong way, but it would be much easier to read if broken down into paragraphs, something like this:

David Cameron has come under fire from Labour after announcing plans to sell off all publicly owned parks and open spaces in central London. Around 80,000 hectares of prime real estate in the capital have been identified as surplus to Tory requirement, which the treasury say will be sold off to help reduce the county’s deficit.

Despite credit being tight during the downturn the government are confident they can find enough foreign investors and Tory party benefactors prepared to take up their offer. But Labour leader Ed Miliband criticised the plan as ‘absolute heresy and an affront to the tax payer’. The PM hit back by saying the land earmarked for sale in the capital was fairly insignificant in size and barely any bigger than the rhododendron garden on his country estate in Oxfordshire.

Although the sell-off has yet to be fully sanctioned by the Government, it seems Goldman Sachs have already secured a deal for Hyde Park. Security firms have been busy throughout the night erecting razor wire and installing security checkpoints around the park gates. If the takeover of Hyde Park –or the GS Arena as it will be known in future - satisfies bosses at Goldman Sachs it is hoped the offer on Kensington Gardens will also go through – subject to the usual guarantees that UK tax payers will still fund essential repairs, maintenance and upkeep once the deal has gone through.

Bosses at GS are said to be delighted at securing the Hyde Park ....’we’re all big fans of the movie’ said GS employee Herman Goldstich ‘and to own the place where the doctor murdered all those butlers is awesome’. HSBC bosses have also been busy helping out in the disposal of London’s most unwanted landmarks , securing a one-off deal for Regent’s Park that, according to chancellor George Osborne ‘had swelled treasury coffers by several hundred pounds’. The deal was hailed as good business by HSBC shareholders but the sell-off has left Camden residents fuming after finding all the zoo animals had been released back to the wild half way up Primrose Hill.

Osborne hit back at critics who claimed the Tory sell off would yield insignificant amounts in future tax revenues by pointing out the new stakeholders all had their business registered offshore and so collecting taxes would not be an issue as they didn’t pay tax anyway. A win-win situation for hard pressed UK taxpayers and a saving on both time and money for HMRC investigators.

David Cameron defended the London sell off decision by drawing attention to a similar scheme that has been operating successfully in most Cotswolds villages for decades. For nearly 30 years the residents of Stow-on-the-Wold have had their lives transformed after the introduction of PFZs (Pleb Free Zones) to keep out unwanted day trippers.

The residents, who had always made life miserable for visitors hoping to enjoy a day out, now operate a zero tolerance for anybody attempting to gain access to their village. Any vehicle costing less than £100,000 or over 12 months old (unless vintage) and have been completely barred from entering the village (along with anybody lower than Brigadier and all non RSC members) who are all turned back at the village stocks.

Once the sell off is complete, Cameron says the Tories will turn their attention to London’s most unwanted streets, paths and alleyways