Observations and random thoughts from a "not so teenager."

Main menu

Tag Archives: perfect

Happy Birthday to the love of my life! Seeing as how this is the first birthday he’s had while I’ve maintained this blog, I felt extremely compelled to give him a shout out on his special day…and because I know his eyes will eventually see this post!

Originally, I thought about using this space to gush about how great he is and how much I love him, but then I remembered you guys probably won’t find that as fulfilling as I do, and then we’ll both have wasted our time. So, instead, I’ve decided to discuss how we came to be, a bit of what we’ve gone through as a couple, and the idea of “soul mates.”

First, let me quickly explain a bit more about who I am and “my type.” Ever since I can remember, I’ve been crazy, weird, obnoxious, creative, and just plain different from everyone else I’ve ever met. I was picked on like a lot in elementary school, but the real struggle for me was that my peers and I had similar hopes and dreams, so I didn’t think I was that different. I also had (and still have) helicopter parents who made sure that I got everything I ever wanted. Back in the day, life was easy for me. And, because I was like any other young girl, I wanted a Disney prince as my boyfriend. But, I quickly discovered that because I had crazy high expectations coupled with a ridiculous personality, my chances of finding this person were slim to none…until I met my boyfriend (we’ll call him “Matt” for the sake of this post). Matt was and is a class A gentlemen. He not only opens the doors for you, but he pays for dinner, always knows exactly the right thing to say, holds your hand, kisses you goodnight, and let’s just say he does everything perfectly. Sometimes, I freak out because I’ll be thinking and hoping that he’ll do something for me, and he’ll just do it! Men like to say that they’re not mind readers, but Matt definitely is one. I swear he came right out of a romantic comedy and into my life.

In terms of our relationship, our story is just as off the wall as my personality, but it’s a great one! We first met briefly in 2005. Matt had just started dating one of my best friends (we’ll call her “Ann”) at the time, but I didn’t truly get to know him until about a year later. The funny thing is, I didn’t like him when I first met him. I thought he was really cocky and aloof. But, once I got to know him a bit better, my opinion changed. We started hanging out more, and then, a terrible thing happened. Just before my 17th birthday, Matt broke up with Ann, leaving me in a very uncomfortable situation. Ann and I had known each other for years, but the truth was, I had formed a better friendship with Matt and liked being around him a lot more. That same year, I had actually gone through not one…but two breakups and he was there for me through it all, not Ann.

And, that’s when things got realllllly complicated. I began supporting Matt more than Ann through their breakup process, and Ann began accusing me of screwing around with Matt behind her back! Of course I wouldn’t do that! I was so furious with Ann that I completely shut her off, and because I was solely hanging out with Matt, he opened up more and showed me a side of him I’d never seen. I couldn’t believe that he was letting me in. Friends that I had known for 10 years had never opened up to me in this way, and I had only been good friends with Matt for less than a year. It felt like a huge compliment.

Fast forward a bit and Matt and I are “secretly” dating. I wanted to wait until Ann’s jets cooled a bit before going public. Well, we didn’t go “public” for a good year or two…and by that time, we were off to separate colleges.

We lasted separately for about 2 years and then we broke up…for about a year and a half. The time that we were separated was one of the weirdest times of my life. Some days I’d miss him so much I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, and other days I was so busy being me and doing everything I wanted to do, I didn’t know how life could get any better. Ultimately, I worked hard to get Matt back because I realized once he was gone how much we’d (but mostly I’d) messed up. We basically broke up because we got lazy. We got sick and tired of doing the same old things together, and we were too lazy to come up with new stuff, so we quit.

The saying, “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” was never more apparent to me then when I lost Matt for that year and a half. I realized that I had made a huge mistake and that there truly are no other guys like him. He’s too special, he’s one of a kind, and he’s perfect for me. When I was down and out growing up, thinking that no one would ever love me because I was “too weird,” he was there. He never judged me. Actually, he found me to be quite funny and entertaining. And, it turns out, he’s just as funny and entertaining, if not more.

I knew I had to fight to get Matt back because no one was ever going to sync with me as well as he did, and I wanted to turn things around. Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates. I certainly did when I was younger and it was pushed by the media, but I can’t anymore. With everyone getting married multiple times, or committing themselves to a variety of different relationships in their lifetime, I don’t think that there is such a thing. You love who you love, and sometimes it’s more than one person during a lifetime. I don’t believe in soul mates as much as I do in just “mates.” Yes, Matt is the one person that I want to be with for the rest of my life, but what if I died tomorrow? He’d have to move on and find someone else. I obviously wouldn’t be his soul mate if he was able to pick himself up and find someone else that he was just as compatible with.

However, in my case, I’ve always had this weird feeling like my deceased grandmother helped orchestrate our relationship. Her birthday falls on the same day as Matt’s and she passed away when I was 12. Somehow, in some weird way, I feel like she pushed him towards me and the fact that they share the same birthday is her way of reminding me that this was her doing. Because she couldn’t be here with me today, she thought she’d give me one of her birthday gifts.

So, do you believe in soul mates? Do you and your partner have a crazy good love story? Tell me! I wanna hear all about it!

So, while embarking on a journey to figure out who I really am and what I’m really good at, I decided to begin writing a book about my life a few months ago. I know, I know, it seems like that’s what everyone is doing these days because their lives are sooooooooooooooo toooootttallllllllly interesting, right? Yeah, not so much. But, I thought, if Kris Jenner can do it, why can’t I? Thus, I’ve begun my journey. The book, properly titled “Ignorant Bitch,” is about different moments and people that have come through my life that I thought I knew all about..but was definitely proved wrong. And, I think a lot of people can relate to that…because I’m assuming none of us had lives or situations that turned out EXACTLY the way we thought they would. Needless to say, the ultimate goal is for individuals to laugh at my stupidity. Below is an excerpt from the section of the book regarding relationships. I broke it up into guys I have dated in the past or came “close” to dating, our background, and what I learned from being a part of their lives. Enjoy!

Justin

Let me start with my experience in elementary school. From an early age, I thought that all boys were just naturally attracted to girls, and if a female worked hard enough, she could land any man that she wanted. I made this my mission as I went through all of my awkward moments as a pre and regular adolescent. Now, of course, I’ve always been attracted to the most expensive item in the store, so I set the bar high in elementary school and only went after the popular guys. My personal favorite was a kid named Justin. Justin was the class clown of my grade and went after anything that moved (seriously, he had ADHD). I thought that Justin was an easy first attempt at my man-handling goals, so I began plotting my attack. I studied hard! I took every move, cheesy line, and style cue that I could from popular movies, television shows, and even video games. Justin came into my life in the early 90’s, so, I naturally stole a lot of my tricks from “Saved By the Bell.” Now what seemed like a long, hard journey to the perfect plan probably only took me a day, but I was a kid! And when you’re a kid, everything seems to take too long. But finally, I meshed together the perfect plan, and as the night before my attack set in, I prepared my outfit, took a bath, and plotted out each move. I was ready!

Luckily, Justin and I were in the same core class, so even though we sometimes went to different rooms for our reading, math, or English lessons, we were in the same room for the majority of the day. For this man plan, I decided that I would perform my execution closer to the end of the day so that Justin wouldn’t have a lot of time to become distracted by other things (like I said, he had ADHD).

And finally, the moment came, it was perfect. Justin’s assigned seat was near the front of the room, mine was near the back. As the clock quickly inched forward, I stood up and slowly waltzed my way to the front of the room. Once I neared his desk, I lengthened my pace, thinking that he would look up if he felt that someone was standing close to him… But, as I dillydallied my way across the front of his desk, no such luck. For once in his life, Justin was paying attention to the work he had in front of him instead of focusing on others in the room. Fuck, I thought, now I just look like an idiot wasting time. But, I decided that I wouldn’t just go back to my desk because part one of my plan had failed. I would finish what I had started! So, I inched my way over to the water fountain in our classroom and lightly pressed down on the knob. I slowly drank the water that came out, making sure to keep my lips pursed and some of my hair near my mouth, just like in the movies! And, as I finished my 45 minute drink, I mustered all of the adrenaline that I had in me and flipped my hair from one side to the other. And what do you know, out of the corner of my eye I saw Justin looking at me! Success, I thought. But, I still had to complete the walk back to my desk. So, I lifted my fingers to my lips and wiped away the “extra water” that was left and elongated each step past Justin’s seat and beyond. At this point, I was feeling very talented and proud of myself because I was watching him watch me from the corner of my eye and still acting like a total babe. Damn, I thought, I do have this in me. As I began to slowly drop down into my seat, I noticed that Justin had fully taken his eyes off of me and began staring at two other kids in the class who were probably having an in-depth conversation about boogers. My heart immediately sank. All of the planning, practice, blood, sweat, and tears that went into this; wasted. He wouldn’t even come up and talk to me? He’d already forgotten about me? “Fuck you, Justin” is what I wanted to scream. “You’re supposed to be paying attention to me!” “I just pulled a “Save by the Bell” move on you. What the hell?”

Needless to say, Justin never did get up and talk to me that day…or ever for that matter. So, what did I learn from this experience? Sexy, slow moves that you pick up from TV shows will get a man’s attention. But, if he has ADHD, these moves won’t keep his attention for very long.

Update: I have no idea where Justin is now. Shortly after this incident happened, he moved to a different school district. But, do I think my efforts to get his attention were a complete waste of my time? No. I just look at this instance as a practice session for the next hunk I tried to reel in. If I had to guess, I’d have to say that Justin’s current journey is probably no different than a lot of other former class clowns that I know… a technical college dropout trying to make it as a musician. So Justin, wherever you are, thanks for the practice session!