Welcome to the Misadventures of Widowhood blog!

In January of 2012 my soul mate of 42 years passed away after nearly 12 years of living with severe disabilities due to a stroke. I survived the first year after Don’s death doing what most widows do---trying to make sense of my world turned upside down. The pain and heartache of loss, my dark humor, my sweetest memories and, yes, even my pity parties are well documented in this blog.

Now that I’m a "seasoned widow" the focus of my writing has changed. I’m still a widow looking through that lens but I’m also a woman searching for contentment, friends and a voice in my restless world. Some people say I have a quirky sense of humor that shows up from time to time in this blog. Others say I make some keen observations about life and growing older. I say I just write about whatever passes through my days---the good, bad and the ugly. Comments welcome and encouraged. Let's get a dialogue going! Jean

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Folk Singer, Red Hats and Travel Purses

The monthly luncheons at the senior hall draw an eclectic
group of entertainers. April's luncheon featured a guy who is a high school music teacher
by day and in his spare time he moonlights as a folk singer/guitarist playing
various venues around town. I like the teacher-entertainer combo because they
all seem to enjoy talking about the history of the songs they sing. For
example, from this month’s entertainer we learned things like the story behind
why the Massachusetts Transportation Authority calls their electronic tickets ‘Charlie
Cards.’ It comes from a 1948 tax protest song later made famous by the Kington
Trio. The song tells a humorous tale that’s etched in the history of Boston
and is about a guy named Charlie who was forever trapped on the subway because he
couldn’t pay the five cents surcharge to leave the train. The teacher said one
summer while on vacation he spent a day riding on the MBTA and singing
that song. He’s got a quirky way of planning vacation destinations. He seeks
out places that have been memorialized in folk songs where he does something
similar to what he did on the subway in Boston. Listening to him talk in between
songs reminded me of John Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley, a book that's been
described as a search-of-America travelogue. What a colorful conglomerate of
people and stories we have here in the USA! Travels
with Charley, by the way, is one of my favorite books. It’s written in a
style that I very much wish I could do.

Tuesday afternoon I attended one of the two monthly Red Hat
Society teas. I can’t say I always enjoy the teas but you have to take the boring with good
(the monthly walk-abouts). The issue is most of my Red Hat
sisters have known each other for eons. They go to the same churches, their
kids went to the same school. Heck, they even went to the same school growing
up and they still live in the same, small community. Lovely women but too often
I’m out of the loop when they talk about people I don’t know. I hang in there
because for years when I was caregiving Don the thought of rejoining the
chapter I was a charter member of kept me believing there would be life after
the caregiver rat race I was on came to an end. And I can’t tell you how many
times I day-dreamed back in those days about starting another Red Hat Society
chapter open strictly to caregivers and with a rule that we could all bring our care
recipients if we couldn’t get a sitter for any given event. It’s
funny how attached I became to an organization I was only involved in vicariously
for over a decade. Now that I’m back in the chapter I’m reminded that nothing ever
stays the same. The frequent trips that I could never go on that caused me
to drop out of the fledgling chapter have evolved into morning walk-abouts. And teas are no longer home gathering
where we’d alternate showing off our finest china and baking skills. Now, teas
take place in a mall’s community room with a Starbucks near-by.

Wednesday I met my youngest niece at the surgical center to
wait with her as her husband went under the knife. I brought with me four baby
sweaters and let her to pick one for her grandma box. My great-great niece is
due on earth any minute. This niece has the most upbeat personality of anyone I
know. Even when she gets vexed---which isn’t often---she’s got a way of
spinning things that has everyone around her laughing. I want to be like her
when I grow up. After spending a couple
of hours of quality time with her my funky mood lifted and I was able to erase
the word ‘lonely’ off the blackboard in my brain.

Today I went to an interesting lecture sponsored by the travel
club I joined---don’t ask me why. I don’t travel and probably won’t take any of
their trips any time soon since I spent my mad money on a new car. The organizers don’t care, they depend on people like me talking
up the club when we get the opportunity. And I have done that, bringing two new
members in who are far more likely to travel than me. Today’s lecture was on travel gear
and I was impressed by the anti-thief purses, for one thing and the anti-microbial
underwear for another. The underwear is quick drying and supposedly you wear it
in the shower to wash it and you at the same time. Who knew! The purses were
made with metal in the lining and straps so people can’t cut them open
and run with the contents. I didn't know they even made things like that. We all were impressed with
the amount of stuff the lecturer pulled out of the three different sized
carry-ons she brought with her. I won an Eagle Creek pack-it system/door
prize that will be the envy of all the street people should I ever find myself living out of a shopping cart.

18 comments:

you know what i'd like to see you do jean? kiss someone, that's what. if you're ready. it hurts nothing and it can be amazing as i am finding out myself! go for it girl! what have you got to lose? i mean it's a kiss, not a commitment!

Oh, that is so funny, Bee. First I'd have to actually come within in kissing distance to a single guy in my peer age bracket. And that isn't happening at my usual haunts. But I believe you because I've read all your posts about the love interest in your life.

Hey, you just keep doing everything you WANT to do and your life will be interesting. I wonder if there is place where I could "rent" a 6'3", 190# man to hug--just hug. I am NOT interested in anything else!! Actually, the thought of kissing a man other than Fred, sort of sickens me!!

On one of those Inside Edition type TV shows they did a feature on a business that sold cuddling sessions. So we're not the only ones who think renting a hug-able guy would be be a cool thing. LOL Kissing old men has no allure to me either. If and when I day-dream about such things we're both young and carefree...and I'm not sure if it's a memory or a day-dream.

Trust me, there are weeks when I don't have anything on my day planner. Unfortunately the 3rd week in the month is always too busy because it has so many re-occurring activities that can't be rescheduled.

Your folk singer sounds like an entertainer I would have thoroughly enjoyed. I hope he didn't try to find Scully Square station (where Charlie's wife passed him a sandwich every day as he was doomed "to ride forever 'neath the streets of Boston") on his T-traveling vacation; they demolished it years ago to create the new Government Center -- a sacrilegious act, I thought! -Jean

He didn't mention it but I think he is pretty thorough with his research so I'll bet he knew about Scully Square station. He told about singing the song to his students and how someone will always ask why Charlie's wife didn't just hand him a nickel for the fare instead of the sandwich. He tells them because he was the prefect husband that way. She always knew where he was, didn't get underfoot and couldn't get in any trouble riding the train. LOL

Don't I wish you could bottle up what your niece has and quench your thirst any time you please. Sounds like two hearts beat as one when you're with her.

I must have missed the post about you getting a new car. Congratulations! Can you spot it in the parking lots yet? It took some time for me to look for a blue, not red car. LOL

I adore all those travel gizmos. I'm familiar with all you mentioned. I rely on them when I travel out of country, especially as a woman traveling alone. They add such precious safety and convenience. And don't forget to bring your own street smarts - gently scanning unfamiliar areas and people. Then...Voilà! Explore away from home like a kid in candy land!

Yup, I went in for an oil change and came out with a new car. I put a small decal on each side window so I can tell the car apart from others. It's of Snoopy at a typewriter to Don's favorite character and my hobby of writing.

Both my nieces are like that only one is slightly more serious than the other. It takes a lot to rattle either one of them.

I may never travel again but I enjoy listening to other people's plans and their excitement. The lecturer owns a whole store devoted to travel gear I never knew about.

You are amazing! A travel club withOUT the travel! I'm not big on traveling any more either. Back and forth to Maui is plenty. And so much easier ... only a carry on! It was fun traveling with Mr. Ralph on business trips as everything was arranged and carried out by others. I just got to enjoy things!

I keep hoping they'll plan a trip I want to go on, one that doesn't involve a passport. I met a woman at the travel club who is going to several weeks traveling by rail around the USA this summer. She's in the travel club, too, but that trip is not one one theirs. I do enjoy hearing about other people's trips and as long as they don't have a waiting list to get into the club, I'll keep going. I doubt that will ever happen. They'd just move the meetings to a larger venue instead.

Her comment cracked me up too. She's recently started dating a man and reports on his kisses after every date. Reminds me of my dad when he was dating but could no longer drive. I'd have to turn my head when they parted to give them some "privacy".