After six years of marriage, a handful of B-grade action movies, and a move from Los Angeles to the more suitably indie Austin, Texas (probably to start a family blues band), Dennis Quaid may soon be facing life as single guy, a state that might actually suit his boyish features quite well. Quaid's third wife, Kimberly Buffington-Quaid, filed for divorce, asking for spousal support and attorney's fees. According to the divorce filing, — obtained by the ever-intrepid and eerily omniscient vanguard over at TMZ — Buffington-Quaid has cited a "conflict of personalities," which "destroys the legitimate ends of the marriage relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation." In other words, the Quaid train is kaput. The divorce marks Quaid's third failed matrimonial enterprise — in 1983 he divorced P.J. Soles and, more famously, split from scrunchy-nosed Meg Ryan in 2001 after 10 years of marriage and rumors that human bull terrier Russell Crowe had romanced the actress on the South American set of the best airplane movie of the 21st century thus far, Proof of Life. [Ministry]
Word of the Quaid divorce comes on the heels of Twitter rumors this week that Dennis Quaid stole Serena Williams hitting partner Sascha Bajin's date at a party. Does that sound like something a handsome, meticulously fit and tanned older man facing his third divorce and possibly a major identity crisis would do? You bet. Dennis Quaid's fine and all, but this latest news just proves to me that he'll only ever be a poor man's Harrison Ford. [NDNY]

It's not only sad/creepy marital news coming out of Hollywood — some of it's happy/creepy news, such as the Leap Day nuptials of 86-year-old Dick Van Dyke and 40-year-old makeup artist Arlene Silver. The couple initially met six years ago at the Screen Actors Guild Awards, after which Silver became Van Dyke's personal makeup artist and friend. Van Dyke, who was married from 1948-1982 and subsequently cohabitated with Michelle Triola for 30 years until her death in 2009, offers a semi-sweet explanation of the "spur of the moment" marriage: "The last couple of years we fell in love. She keeps up with me." Silver added that life with Van Dyke has her, "Always singing, always humming, always in a good mood." Aw, that's...sort of generic, but whatever. I think we could all use a little more singing and humming and a little less swearing and glaring at strangers. Quick, everyone — get married so you too can lead a blissful life! [Ministry]

In a recent interview with Elle UK, Jon Hamm had these kind word for the era of talentless celebrities that E! has ushered in: "Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly." Hamm added, "Incuriousness has become cool...It's celebrated. It doesn't make sense to me." Hmm, well, Mr. Hamm, when it comes to you, I'm definitely curious...bi-curious, that is. With this little critique of reality-show stars (who, by the way, cultivate, with varying degrees of success, on-screen personas just like their thespian counterparts), Hamm joins Daniel Craig and Jonah Hill on list of vocal, emboldened Kim Kardashian haters, and while I'm no fan of of the raven-haired divorcée, something about a bunch of successful Hollywood dudes taking pot shots at her because they're all legitimate actors and she stars on an ostensibly voyeuristic TV show for people with a fetish for awkward conversations, the reality-show, sex-tape fame phenomenon is far too easy to criticize for it to be worth the effort. Seems like Don Draper is itching to get back to work so he can quit popping up like a cameo gopher all over Hollywood. [HuffPo, Daily Mail]

Guileless food-critic Marilyn Hagerty's glowing review of a Grand Forks Olive Garden has charmed the famously truculent Anthony Bourdain, who praised her for triumphing over the flurry of internet snark that greeted her article: "Very much enjoying watching Internet sensation Marilyn Hagerty triumph over the snarkologists (myself included)." That's right, Ms. Hagerty — you enjoy your endless pasta and bread sticks and don't let anyone try to make you feel bad about it. On a side note, as a gesture of bonhomie, my grandmother is straight-up, off the boat Italian and the only restaurant she doesn't hate is the Olive Garden. What do the epicureans have to say about that, hmm? [People]

A quick perusal of Whitney Houston's income and expense declaration filed during her divorce from Bobby Brown reveals a lot of depressing information, namely that Houston had only taken out only a $300,000 life insurance policy, had less than $29,000 in her checking account, and had debts well north of $4 million. It's sort of like...I don't quite know how to say this...the more money we come across, the more problems we see. Or something else, maybe — don't do drugs. [Radar]

A patient photographer has finally succeeded in capturing an image of what was long thought to be a thing only of legend — Jessica Biel's engagement ring. Not to spoil it for you, but it looks really diamondy. [People]

Coolio has taken a time machine from the 90s into our present era only to be arrested for outstanding traffic citations and unceremoniously tossed in jail with his son, which isn't nearly as sad as the Coolio mugshot, which shows a few scraggly braids clinging to the rapper's balding head like toothbrush bristles that survived after someone used them to scour the grout on a bathroom floor. [TMZ]

Ja Rule may be in a little hot water for giving strictly verboden interviews from jail, but this doesn't seem that big a deal because, well, he's already locked up. [Bossip]

Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello is the latest musician to ask Rush Limbaugh to kindly stop paying him royalty money. He tweeted his response to hearing a Rage song used as a bumper on Limbaugh's show: "Hey Jackass, stop using our music on your racist, misogynist, right wing clown show." Indeed. [Rolling Stone]

Due to ongoing throat problems and a douchey fedora that's attached itself permanently to his scalp, John Mayer has cancelled his tour and will take an indefinite break from performing. Mayer had surgery in October to remove a granuloma near his vocal chords. [CBS]

Paula Deen is claiming that the ex-general manager of her Savannah restaurant (who's suing the celebrity ranch dressing chef for sexual harassment) tried first to extort $1.25 million from her. [TMZ]

Snooki's alleged best friend Deena Cortese didn't find out that the Snookster was pregnant until everyone else did, which should make all of us question whether their friendship is based merely on boozing and not, as it should be, on shared intimacies. [US]

Cameron Diaz is the photo-shopped new face of watch maker Tag Heur whose logo I stupidly mistook for the Rite Aid logo when I was sixteen, wrinkling my nose up at my poor girlfriend's Christmas present and asking with disgust, "Rite Aid makes watches?" [E!]

Tristan Wilds, the star of everyone's favorite show about zip codes, is taking a break from filming due to an undisclosed illness. Fear not — the acrobatic 90210 writers assure us that they'll employ some device to make us all not miss him enough to stop watching. [E!]

Everybody chill the fuck out — Kathy Bates isn't retiring because she has "a living to make." [HuffPo]