DISCLAIMER: Okay, lawyer, speak. Speak.
Lawyer: Star Trek belongs to Paramount. Star Traks
belongs to Alan Decker.
Good lawyer. Now roll over, and I'll rub your belly.
Star Traks: The Lost Years #4
Doggerel
by
Alan Decker
There were days that Captain Alexander Rydell wondered if it
was worth all the hassle of being a starship captain. This was one
of them.
"You have just about single-handedly destroyed our entire
culture!" the woman on the viewscreen bellowed. She was a
dog. No, seriously. She was dog. Okay, okay. She was a
member of a canine-esque species. Better?
In any case, the dog-woman was beyond pissed.
"The Sacred Bone of Schnauzer only reappears above
our world once in a millennium!"
"Look," Captain Rydell said, trying to remain diplomatic.
"Some giant rock came at my ship from out of nowhere. We
blew it up. I'm sorry."
"You will rue this day, Rydell."
"Rue? Come on. Who the hell says 'rue'?"
"ME!" Dog-woman screamed, slamming a button on her
ship's control panel.
"Captain, the Caninian cruiser is firing!" Lieutenant
Commander Patricia Hawkins shouted from tactical. Before
her words finished echoing across the bridge, the ship was
bathed in a blast of green light. Then, as suddenly as it
came, it vanished.
"Everyone all right?" Rydell asked, subtly checking
himself to make sure no vital parts had been vaporized
without him noticing.
"No damage," Hawkins reported.
"No casualties either," Lieutenant Andrea Carr
said as she checked the reports scrolling across her operations
console.
"Actually, there does not seem to have been any effect at all,"
Commander Jaroch reported from the science station.
Rydell turned his attention back to the angry woman on the
viewscreen. "Um...thanks for the light show, but I don't see how..."
"RUE!" she screamed, then closed the channel. Her image
was quickly replaced by that of her ship, which sped away
from the Secondprize towards home on Caninia.
"That was fun," Rydell said, leaning back in his command
chair. "Next mission, please."
"Setting a course for Deep Space Fourteen," Lieutenant
Commander Emily Sullivan said from the conn.
Rydell smiled. "Make it warp eight because I've got a date."
"With all due respect, sir," Carr said wincing. "Please
leave the poetry to me."
"Sorry, Lieutenant. I just never know when that creative
urge is going to hit."
The Secondprize crew headed off toward their layover on
Deep Space Fourteen blissfully unaware that the blast from the
Caninian ship had had an effect after all. Several decks below
the bridge in the quarters of Lieutenant Carr, her dog,
Morgaine le Fur, opened her puppy-dog eyes to an entirely
new existence.
Three hours later, Lieutenant Carr returned to her
quarters after finishing her shift on the bridge. The outer door
recognized her approach and slid open silently, allowing her to
enter her small set of rooms.
"Hey, puppers. I'm home," Carr called. Morgaine le
Fur trotted out of the bedroom to greet her owner. "That's a girl!"
Carr said, getting down on her hands and knees to be at
eye level with the St. Bernard/Collie mix. "How was your day?"
"Very interesting. How about yours?" the dog replied in a
husky feminine voice.
Carr collapsed to the floor in a dead faint.
Carr didn't really know or care how much time had
passed as she gradually regained consciousness. All she could
think was "She talked!" over and over again. All that love and
attention had paid off. As far as she knew, she had the first talking
dog in the history of Earth.
As her mind cleared, Carr realized that she was bent
into kind of an uncomfortable position...and that something
was wrapped around her neck, wrists, and legs. Was she in
sickbay? Were these some new medical devices?
Opening her eyes and forcing them to focus, she checked out
her situation. First off, she was still in her quarters, but she was
now laying awkwardly on some sort of metal platform sitting on
the floor. Her wrists and legs had small, self-sealing dog collars
wrapped around them which were attached to the platform. She
could only assume that a larger collar was what she
was feeling around her neck.
Several feet away, Morgaine lay casually across the sofa
observing her.
"Morning, sunshine," Morgaine said. She stood up, stretched
languidly, and hopped down onto the floor beside Carr.
"I was wondering if I'd scared you to death."
"Carr to security."
"Don't bother. I was able to pry open a panel and chew out the
comm circuits. But don't worry. I'm not going to kill you or anything
like that. It was too much a hassle to get you like that to just end your
life. And the collars are coded to my voice, so don't bother with them
either."
Carr silently cursed modern technology. Sure, Morgaine's
bulk made it easy for her to move Carr's small frame around,
but she never would have been able to tie her down with old style
buckling collars. Paws just didn't work that way. Although, honestly,
Carr was amazed that Morgaine was able to use her paws well
enough to maneuver the self-sealing collars into position.
"What do you want from me?" Carr asked finally. Maybe
Morgaine just wanted to pay her back for years of taking her through
the Secondprize corridors on a leash. Carr had been a loving
owner after all. Why should Morgaine want to hurt her?
"From you? Nothing much. Just let me out of this room. You
unkindly programmed the door not to open for me, and I can't imitate
your voice either."
"You want to walkies? Why didn't you just say so?" Carr
exclaimed. The poor dog must have to potty badly by now.
"Not exactly,"Morgaine replied, putting a claw through the D-ring
on Carr's collar and pulling her close. "I want your ship. You
will let me out and take me to the bridge."
"No way," Carr said defiantly. "Bad dog!"
Morgaine slapped Carr across the face with her paw. "I
think you've sorely mistaken the power structure here.
"This won't work, Morgaine. Engineering will notice that my comm
system is down at some point."
"Will they?" Morgaine replied smiling, her lips curling up over
her fangs. "I hope they send that scrumptious Commander Baird.
You never did let me have my proper time with him."
"Keep your paws off Scott!" Carr shouted with unusual
ferocity.
"Touchy about him even now? You could have told him you
were interested, Andrea dear."
"It was just a childish crush," Carr muttered.
"Even so. His wedding must have hurt. Let's get him up here.
Maybe seeing you all trussed up like this will bring out some of
his primal longings."
"Morgaine," Carr warned, even though she knew she
was powerless to back up her threats at the moment.
Morgaine began to circle Carr, forcing the human
woman to strain her neck to maintain eye contact. "Or better
yet, how about we make a deal?"
"What kind of deal?" Carr asked warily.
"You help me get to the bridge, and I'll kill Scott's wife for
you."
"Emily and I are friends! I don't want her dead. And what
do you want with the ship anyway?"
Morgaine was silent for a moment. "Damned if I know. I
do know I have to get to the bridge. It's been that way ever
since I could talk."
Carr put the pieces together in her mind. The
Caninians. That beam. "Listen to me, you're under the
control of some mean aliens. Let me get you some help."
"You know what kind of help I want."
"I'm not taking you to the bridge, and that's final!"
Carr said
"Be right back," Morgaine said suddenly, turning and
heading back into Carr's bedroom. The dog returned
a moment later with Carr's hand phaser clutched gingerly
between her jaws. She gently set it down on the coffee table,
its emitter directly aimed at Carr. "This change your
mind any?"
"You're not going to kill me," Andrea said with a bravado
she didn't feel.
Morgaine's paw hovered over the fire control...then lowered
to her side. "You're right. You've been very good to me over
the years. I can't kill you," Morgaine replied. She pushed the
phaser slightly, turning it so the emitter was aimed at the door.
"But I have no such qualms about anyone else," Morgaine
continued. "Let's see who comes through that door. Maybe it
will even be Scott. I can vaporize him before your very
eyes."
"You bitch!" Carr shouted.
"I am, aren't I," Morgaine replied with a smug grin. "So
what's it going to be?"
"All right," Carr said, lowing her head in defeat. "I'll
do it."
"Good girl."
The unknowing crew of the Secondprize who encountered
Carr being dragged by Morgaine le Fur through the ship's
corridors saw nothing out of the ordinary. As usual, the large
animal seemed to be more in control of the walk than Carr.
If they'd looked more closely, though, they would have seen that
Carr was wearing a small collar on each wrist and that
these collars were attached to each other, binding Carr's
hands to the leash she held in front of her.
Morgaine led the unwilling lieutenant into an empty turbolift,
which Carr ordered to head to the bridge. Surely Morgaine
would not be able to overpower the entire bridge crew, Carr
thought. The dog may have had the upper hand...er...paw for the
moment, but that would change with more people around.
The turbolift slowed a stop and the doors opened revealing the
bridge. Captain Rydell was seated in the command chair watching
the stars go by while Sullivan, Hawkins, and Ensign Bill Woodville, the
junior operations officer, watched their stations.
"Release," Morgaine shouted suddenly, causing the voice
activated collar around her neck to open. The huge dog bounded
out of the turbolift on a direct course for Rydell.
"Sir, look out!" Carr screamed, waving her bound
hands in the air frantically.
Startled, Rydell leapt up out of his chair and managed to get
out "What the..." before Morgaine was on him. With lightening
quickness, Morgaine wrapped her paws around Rydell's leg
and began thrusting violently.
"Oh yeah!" Morgaine grunted. "Yeah! What do you think of
that, Rydell!"
Too stunned to react, Rydell just stood frozen with a look of
horror on his face. He finally managed to speak. "What is going
on?"
"Morgaine was affected by the Caninians' weapons. I think
you're being humped into submission, sir," Carr said
sheepishly.
"Ready to surrender yet?" Morgaine said, still thrusting away.
"Wait. I feel something," Rydell said. "It's rue. Most
definitely rue."
Morgaine looked up at him, her eyes narrowing as seductively
as a giant St. Bernard/Collie mix's can. "You got that right, sugar."
Morgaine bent her head back and howled at the ceiling.
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Captain's Log. Stardate 53486.3. Despite my best attempts
at diplomacy and charm, the Caninians have refused to tell us
how to reverse what they did to Morgaine le Fur. Dr. Aldridge has
been equally unsuccessful. As she puts it, she doesn't even like
working on live people, much less live dogs. The fact remains,
though, that Morgaine is obviously intelligent...and loving. So,
for the time being, I've made her a teaching assistant at the ship's
school. Hey, herding's in her DNA. How are kids that different
than sheep? Meanwhile, Carr is trying to adjust to
having a roommate, rather than a pet."
After a long day on the bridge and at the school respectively,
Carr and Morgaine made their way down the corridor
towards their shared quarters. Morgaine suddenly stopped, her
head raised in the air and nose sniffing intently.
"He's coming," Morgaine said with a sly grin.
"Who?"
"You know very well who," Morgaine replied, and, with a
howl, she was off bounding down the hall.
"Morgaine, no! Bad girl!" Carr cried, chasing after
her.
"You're damn right I am!" Morgaine called back just before
she disappeared down the corner. Just before she reached the
corner herself, Carr heard a thud followed by a
booming "F**K!!!"
She looked around the corner with a bit of trepidation. As
she feared, Commander Scott Baird was flat on his back with
Morgaine standing on top of him.
"Hey there, loverboy," Morgaine said sultrily, then gave
Baird a long lick from his chin up to his forehead.
"CARR!" Baird screamed. "Get your f**king
mutt off me!"
"I.I.I.I don't have any control over her any more," Carr
replied.
Morgaine grinned. "Guess you'll have to talk to the f**king
mutt. And, since you asked, I'd love to."
"Morgaine, please," Carr said.
"Greedy," Morgaine pouted, then crawled off of Baird.
Carr rushed forward to help him up. The stunned
engineer staggered against her, sending them both crashing
into the side of the corridor, his body crushed up against
hers.
"Are you all right, sir?" Carr asked, her mouth
almost right up against Baird's ear.
"Yeah...fine," Baird said. He pulled himself together,
freeing Carr from between himself and the wall...
not that she really was in a hurry for him to move.
"I'm sorry about Morgaine. It's just she's her own dog
now. There's really not much I can do about it. Captain
Rydell has given her a job and everything."
Baird turned towards Morgaine, who was now sitting
innocently watching the human pair. "Watch yourself,
bitch. I ever catch you in Engineering, you're heading
straight into the intermix chamber."
"If you can catch me," Morgaine replied.
"Whatever," Baird grunted and headed off down the
corridor. He stopped at looked back at Carr.
"Night, Andrea."
"Good night, sir," she replied as Baird disappeared
around the corner on his way back to the quarters he
shared with his wife.
"Shall we?" Morgaine asked as she moved off in the
other direction.
"Why did you do that?" Carr demanded.
"You enjoyed it, didn't you?"
Carr smiled. "Well, yeah. And he even said
good night to me."
"Not in so many words. He's a neanderthal...a hunky
neanderthal, but a neanderthal all the same. There are
certainly better men on this ship for you."
"Like who."
"Come along now, dear," Morgaine said, ignoring the
question and walking through the door of their quarters.
"You coming to bed?" Carr asked a few hours
later as she peeked out of the bedroom at Morgaine. The
dog was curled up on the sofa watching some old holovids
of Lassie, who Morgaine said, despite the name, was one
gorgeous hunk of man.
"Sorry, hon," Morgaine said. "My tail just doesn't wag
that way."
"That's not what I meant," Andrea replied defensively.
"You really need to lighten up otherwise you're never
going to get a date."
"I don't see exactly you bringing them in either."
"That's only because I'm the only dog on the ship,"
Morgaine said.
"Cocky bitch."
"You know it."
"Good night." Carr turned to head back into
her room.
"Andrea," Morgaine said tentatively.
Carr stopped and turned back to her former
pet. "What is it, Morgaine?"
"Can I have a head scratch? Just for old times sake."
Carr smiled and walked over to the sofa, taking
a seat next to Morgaine. She started to run her nails along
the dog's head, bringing a contented sigh from Morgaine as
the two sat watching holovision together.