I had to be pumping away until I noticed that she was reaching the crucial stage and then become still as the stillest of statues. When I'd stopped moving, still inside her, she'd writhe about and come all over the place.

My first long-term gf wanted to do it after she moved away to university. I was still living at home and didn’t have a mobile, so I had to whisper extremely quietly from the lounge with my parents in the next room. And I was useless at it – I’d go too slow because I was so embarrassed. She got pissed off at me once because after twenty minutes of talking I still hadn’t got her out of her underwear

who liked it when we fought. Like, physically. At first it was pretty fun but I quickly arrived at the unpleasant conclusion that a) she was fitter than me, and b) like a lot of girls she didn't know how hard she could hit. It got to a point where I'd have to expend all of my allocated sex energy just pinning her down, as a result of which neither party went away satisfied, and I'd end up having to do things like explain away a black eye that didn't fade for about a fortnight.

I suppose I should be grateful to her, I did end up becoming fitter but for quite a while afterwards I couldn't stop flinching everytime a girl made a sudden movement towards me, which made clubbing a bit of a minefield.

I hope after she finished, she was like "can you refill the paper in the printer whilst you're down there?" and just got on with her uni work.
The whole under the table thing seems a bit pointless to me unless you're in public.

I'm just not sure I would be able to keep a straight face knowing that someone is like cramped up under a table especially if there is a bed about 2 feet away. In public, its a different story though. I am fond of a public under the table grope.

Anyway they asked me if I would fuck her whilst he watched as this was a big fantasy of both of theirs - the whole voyeur thing. That was probably the weirdest request I've ever had, especially coming from 2 very 'straight-laced' and respectable friends.

Instead I’ll tell you all that I met up with a friend I hadn’t seen in ages and he told me “I had sex with this guy the other night and he came in me. Then he was like, ‘Cum fart on my chest’, so I did. I love that shit.”

At uni he had a Gaydar commercial account, which basically just made him a rent boy.

So this old rich bloke got him to a hotel room. He asked him to wear tights and high heels and walk back and forth "vogueing" for 25 minutes. Guy didn't get undressed or anything. Just watched. Then at the end he gave him a £1,000.

Speaking of my flatmare, I had to remonstrate with him when I discovered he was stealing my pants to jizz into and sell to old men on Gaydar for £50 a pop until we came to a negotiated settlement

Me sex - I seem to attract women who like to pull my hair and choke me a bit. Not when having sex just in general.

Friend sex: I had a friend who dated this lady who like to be sodomised by him when he was dressed as Chewbaca. He said it made him sweat a lot. Same lady liked him to come around her house with knofe, balaclava and come in through the patio doors and simulate rape on her. Sexy!

She also makes him creep into the room at night and take her by surprise. Whilst there's nothing particularly kinky about this, like the chewbaca thing, it's the choice of costume which gets me choked with tears thinking about it. I wish she hadn't told me because everytime I see him I have to go OOO-ARRRR and hop.

Had a strap on. She would talk about it a lot, and how her previous fella let her bum him with it. It was never broached, and I got out in time.

Sex itself wasn't weird, (and I've told this before) but I went back with a girl once, did the bad thing. In the morning it transpired she was about 20 years older than me and a deputy head at a local school - revealed to me as she was giving me a lift to the station. That was fucking weird

This would be one of those Indie nights that relied heavily on late 70s/early 80s music or stuff that sounded just like it? I'd assume she was looking to relive feeling 20 for a night. Sounds like it worked, too.

If shoved sounds wholly unerotic, it's because it was. For those of you who have previously read my embarassing sex-related posts, this was the same girl who once proclaimed "aaaaaaaah, Bisto" upon orgasm.

Come to think of it, she always got a bit antsy if we went for a roast dinner.

I do reckon I've had every cliched "dirty" sexual request you can think of though. Anal, suspenders, schoolgril outfits, anal again, DIY porn etc etc
Until I met my current bloke, obviously.
I am well going to regret posting this, but it's more interesting than the ethics of stealing music.

Even if something isn't overtly or immediately filthy on first glance, we can just tell when it is gonna head in that direction. And I'm going to make a vain, belated stand for my dignity and not disclose exactly what the video was of.

also, maybe again, it's who i've met, but i'd say it was a pretty even split (INSERT some sexual pun here). In fact, I've met more men who say they find it uninteresting. Older men always seem quite into it FROM WHAT I HEAR. Maybe it's because they lose all sense of romance or something after humping for years.

there isn't anything sensitive up there (if you're a woman, obv). If I was to get turned on by it, it would be in my head... which is totally possible for other people, but it just doesn't do it for me.

and of course I don't see it from the other side so I've no idea whether many women like it

I haven't felt this straight laced since Lucy in Year 6 asked me how many swear words I knew and I couldn't think of any.
Still, mustn't waste my time here - I need to research what different sorts of origami paper are avilable to buy on the internet.

But an ex once asked me to bite down on her nipple, hard, until she came. Not light nibbling. Not gentle use of teeth for effect. Biting down until I felt my teeth meet, and then to keep biting even harder. I was afraid the thing was going to come off in my mouth.

It left her with a completely bruised left tit for a fortnight after, and sore to the touch for a bit longer.

who seemed to be completely unable to come without wanking. it was only a one night stand thing but we fucked the morning after as well as you tend to do, and both times we'd basically finish fucking, and then he would make me sit on top of him as he wanked.

a scenario in which, after I'm finished, I sit on top of the lucky lady whilst she sorts herself out

I'm guessing whiterussian's guy was a serial onanist who had bashed his tallywhacker so frequently over the years he could no longer get to the clearing any other way. I've got anecdotal evidence of quite a few blokes who are like that.

Perfectly possible to lose some sensation in a part of your body as a result of constant friction, and equally possible to unconsciously condition your body to only be stimulated when you're doing one particular thing. If the amusing little passages you share with us are accurate, I'd safely assume the latter isn't likely to be a concern for you

The onanist can become conditioned to only achieve orgasm in one particular way. To get round this, start by masturbating in a 'different way than normal', which should lead to breaking that particular behavioural and physical conditioning.
paraphrased from the 'Savage Love' column on AVClub.

I couldn't let something sit there like that. In MY hair. I wouldn't like to get later on in the day when I want to run my fingers through my hair only to find that there is a big crusty splodge of semen. I'm not too keen on that.

I used to work all around Scotland, i got sent up to one island where the was nothing to do, so i was in my hotel room so the inevitable happened got my trousers off and started trying to beat off to countdown, wasnt working out so i decided to put a biro in a plastic bag (i needed the biro for next day) and preceded to poke it around my arse....this did nothing, i even tried it in the shower...so i went to the pub instead.

a few times with different girlfriends over the years, after one girl, ahem, "introduced" me to it. It isn't really something that you can do in the heat of the moment, as preparation is required by obtaining supplies, protecting furniture, etc. however this part can also be very exciting.

The first time I tried it was when I went round to my then girlfriend's house one evening and she had laid out a big sheet on the floor of the living room with about 20 large pies. My first thought was "what the ultimate fuck?", but as we were both tipsy she managed to talk me into it pretty quickly. It was cracking fun...in retrospect I don't think it was that weird compared to a lot of other stuff that people do. Just good (un)clean fun I suppose. The clean up afterwards is always a bastard though.

throwing food over each other, the sloppier the better. Custard or cream pies are always good for a laugh. I think on a psychological level it's a bit like being a kid again, free from responsibilities and just having a laugh. It's great fun I think everyone should try it...a great stress buster!

Different strokes for different folks and all that, but I just don't "get" watersports. I can understand BDSM (extreme pleasure being a fine line away from pain etc.), even if it doesn't personally appeal, but the appeal of watersports - and, separately, foot fetishists - is completely over my head.