Who am I?

I am an ordinary person to whom some extraordinary things have happened. I have been married twice. I was with my first husband for 21 years. I thought he was a sex addict for the last 5 years. After I left I discovered he probably has a personality disorder and that he had been verbally and emotionally abusing me for all our marriage. I am writing a memoir about that relationship. Hop into the tab ‘A Frog’s Tale’ and look at what will probably be on my back jacket!

I married my second husband 2 years later and he was a kind, lovely man. So different from my first husband. It wasn’t difficult to fall in love with him and feel that I was being treated respectfully and with honesty. We had two great years and then he was diagnosed with Aspergers. Things went downhill from there. It it isn’t easy being married to someone with Aspergers. They can’t do intimacy and share their feelings. When he got retrenched from his job (for the second time since we had been together) his Asperger behaviour increased. Our relationship fell apart. We separated. I couldn’t do this anymore.

He moved down into the spare room in the garage and is still living in my house because he has no job, no money, and nowhere to go.

All the time we have been together my first ex husband, James, has been trying to punish me for leaving and still tries to verbally abuse me. He also loves to take me to court and I have been in and out of court for the 5 1/2 years we have been apart.

I have learned how to deal with his behaviour over the years and I keep ‘winning’ in court – if you can call it ‘winning’ because no-one really wins in court except the lawyers. At least it hasn’t cost me heaps – I have been representing myself.

So this blog is my story and musings on life, the universe and everything – I think I have a tale to tell – only you can be the judge of whether it is worth reading or not. I hope you enjoy.

I was looking on the web for any kind of help and came to your site about divorcing someone with a personality disorder. I don’t know who to talk to or what to do. Everything you have said has fit my ex to a T. ….Please help me.

Hi Aisa. Sorry for the delay in responding. I have been out of the country. There is a lot of help available. You could look for a therapist experienced in personalty disorders to help you. The starting point would be researching on the internet. There is a whole heap of information available but it depends what specific help you need. If you give me your email address I can send you specific sites to look at. It also depends which country you are in in regard to legal matters. Please contact me.

I have just came across your blog and i am looking forward to reading it .i have also had the experience of a realationship for 13 years with someone who was eventually diagnosed as having aspergers and that relationship deterioated and fell apart and ky current on and off relationship is with someone i beleive is a narcisstic sociopath amongst other personality disorders which i am very confused about ..i will enhoy reading ypur blog

LOL – you did it backwards – Aspergers and then narcopath! They are so similar and yet so different aren’t they. Will look forward to hearing your comments. Did you have kids with either of them? That adds to the difficulties a 1000 times over.

Yes i do unfortunatly i have 3 with my aspergers ex and 2 young toddlers with the naropath . It is scary how similar they can be but yes they are so different aswell the aspergers i think it was a walk in the park compared to the narcopath and i dont think i will ever be free of them both … this isnt over yet ..

Your first marriage is dead-on my first. Was married for 15 years, and when the marriage crumbled, I saw who my husband really was, and that I in love with the persona he created, but apparently, I didn’t know him at all. His hidden life was slowly unraveling and multiple affairs started coming light. Once I decided I had had enough and wanted a divorce, I experienced the anger, rage and abuse that was just underneath the surface. He was a ticking time bomb and our separation ignited the bomb. And I’ve been hit with a steady stream of shrapnel peppered with sadness of “I love you’s” and “don’t do this”. But as I am continuing, his hate for me has increased. I never know what’s coming next…and I’m scared, for myself and my daughter.