Tag Archives: Howard Dean

Sweet merciful Yahweh, are we really going to have to spend the next year and a half debating the merits of a college education for presidential candidates? Apparently we are, if the recent hooting over Rand Paul and Scott Walker lacking bachelor’s degrees is any indication. Count us among the camp that thinks not having completed an undergraduate degree is irrelevant to one’s qualifications for the presidency. Our last president had degrees from two Ivy League schools, and he had the intellectual firepower of a mangled squirrel being grilled for supper on the engine block of a ’73 Matador.
Read more on No One Cares About Candidates’ College Degrees, Wingnuts Upset Anyway Because It Is A Day…

Ohaithere, Rick Santorum! Now that you’ve made a movie about magic candles that help Christians get pregnant, what else is in your quiver? How about the Constitution’s guarantee of the freedom to be free of others imposing their values on you while you are imposing your values on others? Yes, that is a good freedom!
So now that the SCOTUS has agreed to hear the Hobby Lobby case, the unelectable fetus fondler went on CNN to explain that Obamacare violates business owners’ rights to freely exercise their religion, since they won’t have the option to not cover birth control:
“I mean, the idea that the First Amendment stops after you walk out of church, that it doesn’t have anything to do with how you live the rest of your life, I don’t know very many people of faith that believes that their religion ends with just worship,” Santorum explained. “It ends in how you practice and live that faith.”
After all, Hobby Lobby is very clear about the fact that it is a Christian business, and if Christian businesses can’t use health insurance to clarify to employees what God thinks about the way they fuck, then the First Amendment is dead. Read more on Rick Santorum: Stop Imposing Your Values On Me While I Am Imposing My Values On These Ladies And Their Slut Pills…

Welcome to another edition of our Derp Roundup, that collection of virtual floor sweepings that are too stoopid to completely ignore but not worth a full-length post. To start with, let’s give an Excellence In Trolling medal to the sometimes-funny Andy Borowitz, whose New Yorker piece this week was characteristically meh, but managed to fool a few people, including Stupidest Guest Blogger On the Internet Mara Zebest, over at Gateway Pundit, whose impassioned overreaction — “Obama is a thin-skinned man-child and the laughing stock of the world” — doesn’t really depend on the veracity of the source material anyway. After commenters pointed out that Borowitz is satire — and a commenter whined about Obama being elected by “low information voters who get their info from Hollywood and comedians” — Zebest pulled the article, but it’s preserved by the magic of Google cache. Thanks, internet! Wonkette wishes a speedy recovery to Jim Hoft, and is exploring the possibility of asking Andy Borowitz to run a story about the $3150 that Gateway Pundit owes us. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth…

Are you one of those humans who watches the Super Bowl “for the commercials,” which are always uniformly terrible? This is why those of us who live in Washington watch presidential debates! Oh the interest groups, they love buying DC ad time during hilarious presidential debates. There’s usually an Israel Project/AIPAC thing about how scared we’d feel if Maryland or Virginia wanted to nuke its neighbor, an energy trade group’s spiel about how we need to blast water at underground rocks, a Pete Peterson Institute series in which smarmy elementary school children explain why we need to dismantle Social Security, and others. The best, though, is this cheap sketchy one from lobbyists who are trying to get the exiled-Iranian terrorist group MEK taken off the State Department’s official list of terrorist groups, for the sole reason that MEK doesn’t like the current Iranian government either. Why is this always on the TV? Read more on What Strange Terrorist Ads Will Air During Tonight’s Debate?…

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The prodigal video, it has finally arrived, praise Jeebus: delightful Rep. Anthony Weiner yelling at old moron Her Highness Madame Regina WordGod Peggy Noonan, who is piiiiiiiissssssed. Sit through about 30 seconds of Howard Dean not knowing what he’s talking about process-wise (You can’t pass the whole thing through reconciliation! George Bush had trouble passing domestic legislation too!), and then watch Anthony Weiner try not to beat the shit out of all of these people. [TPM]
Read more on Anthony Weiner SMACKS DOWN Peggy Noonan, With SMACK DOWN…

In case you didn’t get the memo, on Twitter: Thomas Friedman is still a dumb asshole. [Matt Yglesias]
Sean Hannity is a “strong voice,” a Castrato, actually. [RedState]
Howard Dean, who quit The Politics forever so he could spend more time staring at perky lady-breasts, would definitely vote against the health care bill if he was still doing The Politics, because that’s what a real PROGRESSIVE would do. [Think Progress]
Read more on Let Us Now Speculate On Subjects Regarding Fatal Brain Cancer and Contesting Coward Presidents…

See, there he is! Randall Terry, who is somewhere between 37 and 124 years old, brought his Anti-Babykilling World Tour to the peaceful Virginia money cave of Reston yesterday evening to disrupt Rep. Jim Moran’s health care town hall, also featuring Doctor Howard Dean of Ver-mont. He succeeded for about 5 minutes, but then the cops kicked him out, and Howard Dean continued to slaughter babies, live, before the crowd of 2,500. Mostly, though, it was an informative (=boring) event, despite the 20-odd jackasses who couldn’t stop shouting monosyllabic vagaries whenever they didn’t like something. Read more on Wonkette Went To Virginia For A Town Hall, And Randall Terry Went Nuts, The End…

TUT TUT, HOWARD DEAN, TUT, TUT: It’s nice that Howard Dean keeps going on the teevee to argue for strong, progressive health care reforms, but we agree with young communist Ezra Klein that it’s… snooty, maybe?.. for Dean to keep blaring his “no public option, no point in health care reform” ultimatum when his own plan in 2004 didn’t include a public option. Neither did John Kerry’s. And people were fine with these plans! Universal health care! [Ezra Klein]
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Your Wonkette Intern spent a delightful afternoon this past Tuesday with famed Obama apostle Howard Dean, who preached the Health Care gospel and even cured leprosy with his gentle touch. The sermon was hosted by none other than Kremlin subsidiary Campus Progress — surprise, surprise! Read more on Howard Dean On The Public Option: ‘Don’t Knock It Till You Rock It’…

Nate Silver and the nerdlingtons at FiveThirtyEight are liveblogging the Virginia election results (which are hidden and secret) and have called it, meaning it is officially over, by law: “7:45 EDT [Nate]: OK, the 538 decision desk is calling this one for R. Creigh Deeds. Almost half the vote is in, and although we’re a little bit light on turnout from areas like Richmond, neither Moran nor McAuliffe is doing anywhere near as well as they’d need to to make up for Deeds’ large advantage. It’s really a battle for second place at this point.” MORE, Silver, MUSH MUSH! Read more on Nate Silver Calls It For Deeds; McAuliffe Is New Howard Dean…

What a fantastic spring it’s been in DC, what with the terrible muggy spell in early May, and now there’s nothing but terrible swampy grossness ahead! Fortunately, DC’s “celebrities” can be spotted both in- and out of doors, where they engage in elite activities such as air travel, grocery shopping, lunching, and even watching sports events. After the jump: Find out which famous politician hums loudly to himself in public bathrooms.
Ever been waiting around to pick up your deli sandwich or your luggage or collect your mail or whatever, and you see some very put-together man or lady giving you the eye like they would like to take you up to Eliot Spitzer’s room at the Mayflower? It’s probably one of those terrible people you’ve seen on O’Reilly’s show talking about the sanctity of post-marital sex. Tell us about these encounters, and other more boring encounters please! Write to tips@wonkette with subject line “Wonk’d.” Read more on Backlog Wonk’d: Arlen Specter Watches The Baseball, Hitchens Enjoys Noel Coward, Tony Perkins Throws Off ‘Vibes’…

Doctor Howard Dean got a new job! He will be a “regular contributor” on CNBC, the important business channel which features idiots screaming at each other all day as the stock market does whatever it does — up some days, down some days, etc. Today he did a guest-hosting deal, on some CNBC show. Maybe he’s on right now, who knows! You see, only idiots watch CNBC. It’s a place for cocaine addicts and self-hating day traders and insane old people who think they can “beat the market” and actual retarded people who grab the phone away from the nurse and yell “BOO-YAH.” In other teevee shout-y news, Chris Matthews will be on MSNBC for another four years, which means he won’t be running for the Senate or whatever. [Sam Stein/New York Times]
Read more on Howard Dean To Become New Jim Cramer…

Now that teevee actor Sanjay Gupta has officially turned down the unwanted Commerce Department job of “surgeon general,” some people at the White House are saying, “Hey, what’s that other guy who was a doctor and had something or other to do with the Democrats? Why not him?” Read more on Will Howard Dean Take White House Consolation Prize?…

Mexican urban legend Alberto Gonzales is unable to find a job and is comically blaming the recession for this. After Barack Obama redistributes the world’s wealth to atheist hobos, a dog is expected to have eaten Gonzales’ new job. [TPMMuckraker]
Read more on Joe The Plumber Liked Journalist Camp In Gaza, Except For What He’s Pretty Sure Was Color War…

Even though the Secretary of State job is off the table, maybe John Kerry will still be able to disappoint America as Secretary of the Interior. [Marc Ambinder]
Joe Biden is not resigning from the Senate as part of a tricky seat-saving maneuver that will secure the position for his son Beau. [MSNBC]
Read more on Howard Dean Celebrates 60 Years Of Howard Dean…

HOWARD DEAN FINISHED: It seems a highly successful four-year term as DNC chairman will be the “Dean scream” moment of Howard Dean’s life, as he will not seek a second term and will be out early next year. He will then return to Vermont where he is an abortionist. [Washington Post]
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