The last refuge of a scoundrel. When under attack for financial malfeasance, lying or whatever, start waving an American flag and spout freely about your love of freedom, your support of our men and women in uniform and the general superiority of anything American to anything un-American. Paste a lot of little American flags all over your SUV. Wear a flag pin on your lapel. Talk a lot about our God-given democracy. And remind everyone that God loves America more than any other country because, uh, because...just because.

But whatever you do, don't enlist. Don't let your children enlist. That's for people who have less important stuff to do. Dulce et decorum pro patria mori only applies to losers.