The clip featured the soul-drinkingly chirpy trio smearing palmfuls of coconut oil all over the shirtless flag-bearer and Taekwondo fighter, while he appears frozen in an otherworldly thrall of discomfort.

Days after, another Today Show personality lured Taufatofua into even more smeary shenanigans: Alex Ficquette (aka Alex on the Plaza) asked Taufatofua if he’d be willing to demonstrate how to best apply coconut oil to one’s own physique — y’know, in order to better show off their gleaming musculature. Because, much like masturbation, it’s just not the sort of thing one should learn to do alone.

Here’s a taste of that dialogue, in case you haven’t committed it to heart:

“Where do I start? What do I do?” Ficquette airily wondered.

“Okay, it’s magic stuff. As soon as it touches your skin…”

“Muscles grow?”

“Muscles grow. 100%… 100% better.”

Well, now you can look forward to Taufatofua causing any number of reporters to stammer, stutter, walk confidently into lampposts and oncoming traffic, trip over turnstiles, etc.: He’s just qualified for the Winter Games — as a cross-country skier.