Just my thoughts about my daughter and motherhood in general, about the whole international adoption thing and our daily lives. You can follow us as I attempt muddle through the impact adoption has on our family and my attempts at being a good mom.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Glenys put the clips in her own hair. She did a pretty good job and after over 4 hours they are still there, I would say very good. She was making faces this photo session.

This morning we cleaned Glenys' room. It doesn't look like it though. I went through her clothes and packed up the 24 month and smaller size stuff to give away. Now I have 5 bags of clothes to take to the salvation army. Then we went to pick up the Angel Food stuff but we were early so we went to wally world and peiless, who was out of the offcroc brand shoes. Apparently there was a recall or something. So we found a blue and pink pair at wally world. I wish there had been a red pair in her size but there wasn't.

Then we went to pick up the food and basically this food is what you would find in the freezers of cafeteria's or restaurants. The veggies though were freshly frozen not canned. I left the majority of the stuff at my parent's home and I hope I left it in the correct freezer. I think tomorrow I will go back out there and make sure. The popcorn chicken nuggets managed to get open in a big way so I will have to cook them quickly.

The thing about the food is that there are really no instructions on the bags on how to prepare the stuff. We did get a can of mandarin oranges and a can of pears. I took mom's waffles and left her the other bag of beans. Also, I think I am going to get there quicker next time as most of the stuff was thawing out. Well live and learn. Oh and after picking up the food, Glenys wants pizza for dinner!!

Friday, March 30, 2007

So this weekend we will be alone, no grandparents around to visit. Our plans are to clean the house. 3 inside long haired animals are creating mini-versions of themselves all over in the corners.

Then while on a singles adoption group I found out about a food ministry that sells food at a discount to anyone who wants to purchase it. So this past month my mom and I did. I pick it up tomorrow. After passing the info around I am finding people who I trust that purchase this. Some of the people are wealthy which explains why they are wealthy. The ministry is Angelfoodministries.com.

Both Sat and Sun we will be taking naps. We both need them. Glenys is getting snotty again and I am developing the tale-tale sore throat. Please, God, don't let us get sick. I am so broke a dr visit is out of the question. I can't even buy ty*lenol for the leg aches Glenys has at night. If only the house would sell!! That would help a little bit.

I think I am going to check out Craig's list. I have a treadmill to sell and a few framed prints to sell. I need to look into how to list it and not have my info stolen like it was on E*bay!! What a nightmare for me but especially the people in Italy buying electronic equipment cheap. I saved the e-mails from the time. I no longer buy or sell on e*bay. Don't fault them but it was difficult to get help initially.

What else is there to talk about? The post about the co-workers, I need to update it in that there are 3 people I really like here. One is a single mom who adopted a little boy via foster care system out of FL. Then one is a single mom who is currently trying to adopt via the foster care system in AR. The other is a single mom who is recently divorced with kids. See a pattern. We single moms need to stick together.

Some of the older ladies I am offensive too in my music choices. I can't not have music while I work. I have to play CDs. My music is eclectic like my whole life. One of the ladies is very passive aggressive and does or says things to let me know how displeased she is. Oh well.

Today is payday. My check didn't go as far as I needed it to and next check won't either. I am contemplating calling my student loans and asking for a deferment until the house sells. That is only a temporary fix and not a good one. Hate to complain and can't borrow anymore from the 'rents. Last time I approached the subject I was basically scolded. As hard as it is to admit I need help, to be scolded sealed the fact that I will not ever ask again. I would rather pay things late than do so again.

Anyhoo, off on a better note. Last night, Glenys wanted to talk a question again and when I asked what kind she said, "green." Oh okay!! So we talked about how Grammie and Grandad are going to meet Mary Poppins this weekend with my nephew and his parents. Glenys said, "our Mary Poppins?" I told her they would have their photo taken with her and maybe Cinderella. It would be even cooler to get an autograph for her but my parents won't think of that. They really aren't the tourist kind.

Last night while attempting to fall asleep, Glenys got upset and said, "Mommy, I want you to talk a question to me." Okay, so we already talked about her getting in trouble at daycare and how I do not want her to hang out with the girls with whom she got in trouble. So I said, "What kind of talk a question do you want?" She said, "blue one."

So after several tries and offers of many colors of talk a questions I asked about what color birthday cake she will want for her birthday. She told me a blue one. Then she told me that she wanted her "best friend Maddie" to have a pink one. Her "best friend Meghan" to have a red one. Morgan to have an orange one. Kavin to have a white one. Allisha to have a pink one. So she is talking about cupcakes to bring to her friends for her birthday. Then she said she wants me to bring juice, chips, and ice cream to her birthday. So I guess we have a plan. I just wish we had the money to proceed.

You have medium extroversion.You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.You're generally a friendly and trusting person.But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I never want anyone ever to look at me again and say, "They don't like their baby girls in China. That's why they give them away." Or something else as asinine. Just in California recently it appears that 3 babies have been abandoned at different locations. At least one was swaddled with umbilical cord still attached. "California Authorities Search for Mother After 3 Newborn Babies Are Abandoned" http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,262081,00.html You can read all about it. I believe these babies were mixed gender, not just girls. At least in the good ole U S of A we don't discriminate. Equal abandonment treatment here, all righty.

Why in a country where abortions are rampant and legal (but shouldn't be) and attorneys are every where (and prob. shouldn't be) and couples are infertile but wishing and with as many safe places to drop babies, would someone abandon their new born babies? At least one of the babies in the article died of exposure.

Then someone has the audacity to say that China has problems and don't like girls. Whatever. China's abandonment is magnified due to the huge population. I wonder if there would be as many abandoned kids in the US if it were as populous as China. I wonder if there are statistically as many at least ratio-wise (is that a word) here as there. I wonder if we hear about all of the babies left to die or abandoned.

I am totally filled with anger at this mom. How dare she leave them separated to die instead of outside a hospital or fire station, at least where they would be found???!!!???

If you notice in the picture all of the bears on one side. Glenys is sitting where she normally sleeps. My section of the queen sized bed is the orange pillow. That is it. That is all I get. My neck is in a perpetual crick. This is Glenys being silly. I tried to tell her that God gave us the animals to take care of not be mean to. She told me she wants He to take them back. I have noticed that she seems to see them as equals to herself. She doesn't understand that these are our animals and she is above them in the family placement. She fights with them as if they were siblings. Thankfully, Clementine doesn't bite her or scratch her when she does stuff like this.

These tulips were left by my grandmother. I never had good luck with tulips at my home in Memphis. The squirrels would eat the bulbs so I barely got one year out of them. My aunt and uncle helped my grandmother plant these in her front flower bed. With all of the renovations we weren't sure if any would survive but survive they did and they are beautiful.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

So have you ever worked someplace where you really hated the work itself but you really liked the people and the people made it okay to stay too long? That was gmark. I really liked some of the people there and am still good friends with a few. Well it seems to be the total opposite at First Thing. I really like the work, not so much the people.

They seem to do the very things that annoy me. One thing is they ask me inane questions just to have something to say. My whole philosophy has been if you say hello to me or I to you once in the day, don't talk to me unless you have something really important to say.

Never, ever, ever comment on my food, lunch, groceries or anything that I consume in that venue. If I don't participate in the group lunch, don't ask me why and don't assume I don't like what is being served. It may be that I just don't like the people I would have to eat with. It also may be that I am broke (despite my darling daughter's assessment) and I choose not to spend what little I can scrounge to spend lunch with people I dislike.

Please don't back stab. I could care less what your feelings are toward me but don't stab me in the back. Also, don't slam doors around me or forcefully throw things around because I am not doing the job you thought I was employed to do. That was your mistake not mine. Don't assume because I sit at a particular desk I will do that desk's function. I wasn't employed for this don't be ugly because I wasn't. Tell me to my face what your problem is; no talking behind my back!!!

I attempted to post some photos of Glenys from last night but my computer at home(where the photos are) wouldn't cooperate. When I lie in bed at night I think of all these things I want to post about but when I get to where I can I forget them.

I have had some strange dreams lately. I usually remember all of my dreams but they come back to me at times where I haven't anything to copy them down. Last night's dream I remember, however; I dreamed that my parents were at a friend's house with Glenys. As I drove down this street the houses in this dream neighborhood were painted (looked like a hallway not a street) yellow and a beautiful red. I will say that lately in my dreams I either feel condemnation or fear. Last night was condemnation. I couldn't figure out why my parents were at this friend's home and why I felt so guilty that they were there. In my dream I happened upon them accidentally. I was looking for something else. Then I went to work at an Irish bar near a Catholic Church I know about.

It was weird. I am not Catholic, I don't go to bars, I don't work in bars and this friend of mine doesn't live anywhere around me. Oh and I dream in color and have real conversations even if they are non-sense upon waking. I have also woken myself up in tears, laughing or talking. I also remember dreams from a long time ago with all of the emotion of the dream intact.

When I was little I dreamed that there were snakes all over the yard and my dad had to carry us all to the car for Sunday School. It was awful. I was under 6 years old when I had this dream. It also was a recurring dream. I have several versions of recurring dreams.

I am not sure how many people are able to dream as I do; I suspect there are a ton of people. I do know that not everyone dreams in color though. I also dream more frequently in times of stress. During one particularly stressful time I would dream the recurring dream of being in high school and failing a subject that I was truly really good in. That would happen quite a bit. Again the condemnation theme runs through the dream.

Last night's dream wasn't the worst. After reading a book on 6 Christian Characters found in women of the Bible or of history I dreamed that my sister, mom and I were on a boat and were being carried into the arena in Rome to be killed by bears and mad cows. It was horrible and I couldn't stop my mom and sister from being taken in.

I have dreamed that my mom jumped off an overpass in our hometown for no reason. I have dreamed that my cats, dressed as Puss 'N Boots, rowed away in a boat and sang a goodbye song. I woke up crying that time too and woke my mom up too. I was 21 or so. Of course when I told my mom what I dreamed then I realized how stupid it was. But the sorrow and grief I felt for my cats leaving was immense.

The worst part of my dreams is when I have a good dream I don't remember it at all. I woke myself up laughing Sunday in the middle of my nap. Yes I sleep that deeply when I take a nap too. So although my dreams seem like they last the whole night I know they are usually very short. I have also had times when I couldn't wake up or when I could see in my dreams but couldn't open my eyes in my dreams either no matter how much I tried.

I guess another good thing about my dreams is that places I have been stay alive there. The church I grew up in remains active in my dreams even though it burned in 1995. I can remember the outline and layout of the whole church just from my dreams. Obviously my memory is way more active in my dreams than in real life!! It is difficult to remember much now in my high stress life.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

So yesterday morning my dad came to help me rake leaves with the final purpose of tilling the front yard and planting grass seeds. I have lived in Tennessee for the last 15 years so I forget about the good delta earth. Dad tilled up the front yard and as I was planting some hostas, I kicked off my shoes. The ground felt like silk: cool, soft, and clean. It felt like walking on pillows. I told G to put her bare feet in the dirt. She did for a minute. Then when it came to watering the hosta plants, some water mixed with that dirt and got her feet and crocks muddy. We had a mini meltdown. I had to carry her to the steps and wash her feet and crocks off.

Friday night a friend gave us her daughter's outgrown battery operated 4-wheeler. I showed it to G Saturday. She rode it all over the yard topping piles of leaves and then in the fresh tilled dirt. A friend at school gave all the girls a clip on braid. G's is hot pink. She has it on in the pictures. She had a good time. The pics of her smiling are sideways in my computer and my computer is so slow I will have to post those when I have more time.

We, G and I, also cleaned up her slide and killed the ants who had taken up residence in it. She was such a busy girl yesterday, and she slept hard during her nap.

Then we went to pick up my mom from the airport. She came home sick and that stresses G out so much so she had to call me this morning to tell me that Grammie is sick. So G is going to make her feel better too like she did Grandad in his illness.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

http://2happy.typepad.com this week's challenge was bubbles. This was a challenge because Glenys really only wants to look at the bubbles but doesn't want them touching her or doesnt' want to catch them. She wants to pour the bubbles in her machine and that is pretty much it. So the first shot is a modified version of the challenge, Picnic in the Bubbles. The second shot was actually earlier in the day but as you can see she is not totally impressed. She just likes to look at them.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Tomorrow night Grammie comes home from "aginia" and Glenys and Grandad are going to "get her off da pwane." Glenys is spending the night with Grandad and so we packed her suitcase this morning. She was very particular about it and it was cute to see her line her bears up just right to make them fit. Then this morning she found her large Winnie the Poo classic stuffed doll and decided it needed to go to. We even packed her bankie, and she packed her sippy cup in the side pocket. She had to bring monkey to school with her to take a nap and according to her, monkey was very excited to go to school with her. Monkey has been left out since the emergence of the care bear friends. So when she saw monkey this morning she said he missed her.

On our local play group's yahoo group, one of the moms was giving away a battery four wheeler that her daughter used to have. I was first to respond so I will be getting that tonight or tomorrow. One more gift for Glenys' birthday. She is really learning how to steer her tricycle really well. Literally in a week's time she is able to out ride me and to steer correctly. Thankfully our street and block for that matter are really not busy.

I am totally amazed with how her imagination works. She is so funny and talks to everything. I enjoy watching her and listening to her conversations. She has started repeating the nursery rhymes just because. Last night it was humpty dumpty. This morning it was the queen of harts and pat a cake. When she sings wheels on the buss it sounds like "the wheels suh suh suh goes wound and wound." Sometimes the "baby suh suh suh goes wound and wound," too.

Work is stopped for me right now. I am still here but am not doing anything because of the prima dona attitudes of some of the therapists. So I am playing my newest addiction: Spider solitaire. It is a little like freecell and solitaire mixed.

Next week I may do a "what bugs me" or a "what are my idiosyncrasies" list. Can't decide. Hopefully I will get some good pics of Glenys this weekend and post some updated ones. Also, my agency received the package and letter to the orphanage and foster mom I sent. They will translate it and send it for no charge to me!! I left my address all over it so hopefully the foster mom will take time to send a letter. If she does I will have to get it translated so that will incur some costs. But that will be worth it to do so.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

One month from today I will officially be the mom to a 3 year old. Technically it could be one month from any day around this day as Glenys has an estimated DOB. But based on last year's response to her own birthday party we aren't going to have a birthday party other than family. We will only go to two birthday parties this year, one in April and one in November. Maybe next year we will be back on the birthday circuit.

Two months from tomorrow I received Glenys' referral. I hope I can talk the Grandparents into going to the Cracker Barrel to celebrate since that was where we opened it the night I received it. We shall see.

On the way home from picking Glenys up from day care, she asked if I bought any paints. I told her that I didn't that I didn't have any money. Then I said, "I am broke." She said, "You not broke mommy, you are togedor." So I guess reality is I am together.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Okay where is that dog?" St. Patrick, I think he invented this green icing".Pause in the parade please, potential balloon float issues.

Tonight I held an adoption information meeting for my agency. It
was nice except for one dirstraction. Two interested couples attended. One was
a Lutheran pastor and his wife and the other a young couple from the host
church where I held the meeting. Grandad kept G for me and has ended up keeping
her all night which is a big deal since Grammie is in "aginia"
(Virginia) visiting her sister.

There was also a (distraction) young co-ed and her mother there.
The mother had called me and asked if her daughter could come because she was
doing a college paper on speakers. This area doesn't really have a lot of
"speakers" per se so I agreed and now regret that decision. This girl
has a best friend who was adopted from Korea through Holt Int. I don't
represent Holt and didn't use Holt. I know people who have used Holt and have
been happy with them; I didn't so can't speak to it. As I kick the meeting off
she immediately asks about Korean adoption and tells the whole story of her
best friend and asks about Holt. Then she proceeds to say the most ridiculous
things. My dad brought G to the meeting early as the "show stopper"
and this girl says, "looks just like 'friend'". Okay yeah if G were
Korean and if all Asians looked alike, sure.

So I try to muddle through the program guide and field questions
as I go and then I notice that this girl has her mother taking notes. Not the
girl doing the paper but the mother. My mother never took notes for me ever.
EVER. Then this girl proceeds to ask me in front of these couples, "Why do
most people adopt? Can't they have babies of their own? I think if you can you
should. My boyfriend is adopted." I tried really hard not to roll my eyes
because they would have gotten stuck. I just said that adoption is a very
personal decision that is made within a family and is not an alternative method
of having children. I don't know why these couples were there??? I assume they
want to adopt. I don't assume they can't have biological children.

Some other ridiculous things she asked about the birth family and
foster family, not in and of itself ridiculous but the phrasing of the
questions within her friend's story was weird. I will no longer allow another
student to come unless I specify they may not ask questions until all other participant
are gone. Chicky's paper was not even on adoption but on methods of speaking.
Her paper was on me as a speaker and the methods I used to communicate ie,
video, handouts etc. Bringing Holt into the topic was sooo unnecessary. Then to
ask questions about Korean adoption which my agency doesn't do was rude I
thought. I wanted to tell her to go ask her friend's adoptive family about it
all.

Anyway, I am staying up too late. Grandad is bringing G home in
her jammas tomorrow for me to get her ready to go to school. I better go to bed
and take advantage of having the bed to myself, well with me the cats and dog.

Last night G decided she needed to go poo so we go. As she is sitting there she passes gas. We say she has gas or is gassy as opposed to saying fart etc. So I say, "That was just a big gas." To which she replies, "No that was pink."
I said, "pink gas?" and she said, "yes."

Chasing the dog under the table (above) and marching around the living room furniture (below).

G and I spent some time Friday night, 6 hours, at a friend's house. There were 6 adopted Chinese kids, the youngest being 2 in October '06, and one waiting mom. It was a mom's night out with the kids supervised by us all. G had so much fun. She had one melt down on the potty because she was calling for me but I didn't hear her. When I found her another little girl was patting her on the leg trying to calm her. It was sweet but I hate I couldn't hear her. I told her already not to go potty unless she told me then I would at least know to go in to look for her.

The hosts have an elderly dog and at one point all the girls were chasing him to the point that the dog started snipping at them. These are some of the pictures from the evening. Again we left the child's room a total wreck.

Monday, March 19, 2007

I am hoping my agency will have this translated to send to the
orphanage inWuzhouand I pray the orphanage staff will
give this toG' foster family.
Yes it sounds dry but really it was written very simply (I hope) for ease of
translation only. How do you pour out the amount of love and emotion deserved
in a letter to be translated? I can't do it; I am just not that eloquent.

To: the Foster Parents of WuBaoJiangand to the Director and Staff of theWuzhouSWI

I am sending some artwork, this photo
album and some loose photos ofBaoJiang. The dates of the album photos
are July 21, 2005 through March 3, 2007. I would like for her Foster Family to
have the album.BaoJiangknows about her foster mommy and
although I don’t know her (the foster mother’s) name I do have her picture. I
do showBaoJiangthe photo of her and her foster
mother.

We have done many different activities
since we came home on August 5, 2005.BaoJiangloves to go to the zoo and see the
pandas. The Memphis Zoo has 2 pandas. We attend many different Chinese events
and festivals sponsored by Families with Chinese Children of Memphis. We
regularly spend time with some of our travel mates and other children adopted
from China.

Some of the festivals we do attend are the
Dragon Boat festival, the Harvest Moon festival, Chinese New Year and other
smaller events specifically for children her age. We spend time talking about
what the festivals mean and how we celebrate these festivals in the USA.

BaoJiangwill be 3 years old in April. We
celebrated her 2 year birthday in 2006 with 2 parties. This year she only wants
her cousins Mattie and Cole to attend but we will still have cupcakes and a
small party for herpre-school
class.

BaoJiangcurrently plays with stuffed teddy
bears called Care Bears. She prefers the stuffed animals to baby dolls. She has
many Asian baby dolls and a few Caucasian baby dolls. She can say the months of
the year and all of her English alphabet. She can count to 10 in Mandarin and
can say many of her colors in Mandarin.

One of her favorite books is My Chinese
New Year and she can say Happy New Year in Cantonese. She is not old enough yet
to attend Chinesepre-school but
we hope to do so as soon as she is old enough.

BaoJiangand I attend church regularly and she
really enjoys her Sunday School class and friends. She is very creative and
enjoys doing the crafts in class.BaoJiangis also very active and vivacious. She
enjoys movies Disney movies like Cinderella and Mary Poppins. She enjoys Barney
videos, Dora the Explorer videos, Learning Chinese with Mei Mei videos, and
Blues Clues videos.

BaoJiangis very independent and enjoys
accomplishing tasks on her own. She can be very helpful at times. She enjoys
playing outside, riding her tricycle, playing in the sand box, riding in the
wagon, and taking walks.BaoJianghas two cats and one dog. They live
inside with us and sleep with us most of the time. She loves her cats and dog
and can call them by name. The cats are named Simon and Abigail and the dog is
named Clementine. She helps feed them every night.

BaoJiangis very close to her maternal
grandparents, and she is able to spend one night a week with them, usually
Friday nights.BaoJiangloves to work puzzles with her granddad
andgrammie.BaoJiangis a very precise child wishing
everything to be done the same way each time. If I were to predict a future forBaoJiangit would be a future in a precise
field like engineering or mathematics. Of course I will promote whatever future
she wishes and help her attain all the education she needs to fulfill her
dreams. She talks about visiting China one day and she talks about herself
being from China.

I can not thankWuzhouSWIstaff
andBaoJiang’s foster family enough for the
love and care provided to her during her time in China. I treasure the time I
spent there and regret not taking more time to explore more of China. One day I
hope to bring her back on a tour and possibly a reunion with the staff and
foster family. As she is only 3 years old now, it will be a while yet but
hopefully by the time she is 10 we will have already toured or will be on the
way.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Last night lying in bed, G was resting her legs on mine and she seemed to be restless. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Mama, you legs won't let my legs stay." I was like, "Well let me contort my body just so you can prop your legs on me."

Then she was wiggling her toes and still not totally still so I told her to get still. She said, "I am just trying to make my toes happy." I couldn't help but laugh. I said, "Well go ahead and make your toes happy then."

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Gis so funny in her
pronunciation and I have a good time trying to decipher most of the time. This
morning she decided to forgo her normal waffle/french toast and have "oak
milk" like me. Due to being out of cereal and money I have been eating oat
meal every morning. So that is the translation. I had no idea what she was
wanting at first and it took three tries on my part to figure it out. Actually,
she didn't like it and didn't finish it. So I guess tomorrow it is back to
waffle or french toast.

Next funny translation was listening to
theThey Might Be Giant's"No" CD on the way to
school. There is a song about a boy waiting for a girl for a 2 o'clock date. He
is 4minsearly and in the song he talks about
getting tired and lying on the sidewalk to wait.Gsaid
something to the effect of "hefalledon the ground" but it was more
garbled. When I finally repeated the scenario she was trying to say she was
giggling about it. "That waspunny,"
she said.

I love how her "f"s come out as
"p"s. Her "g"s are all coming out as "d"s which
makes her name sound like "Dennis". Oh well. She will grow out of it
too.

Lately, she has become reallywhinyand I will tell her not to be grumpy
orwhinyand in the whiniest voice she says,
"I no wanna be grumpy/whiny." So I tell her to just stop it then.
Well thewhinywas picked up on by my parents last
night. We tend to reinforce it though with doing whatever it is to stop the
whine. Oh my, I have a lot of work to do and any suggestions will be helpful.

The other thing she does is ask,
"What is Dennis doing?" or "What does Dennis want mommy to
do?" or something along those lines. She usually asks after I have
reprimanded her or asked her to do something. It is pretty funny when she does
it. I don't even know how she got started doing it. Sometimes the answer is "Gis being silly." Then she laughs.

At my parents last nightGhit
me and said, "I kill you." Although it didn't sound like that until
she said, "I kill you like a butterfly."OOOOHHHHWTF? She couldn't even tell me where
she heard it. At home I had to explain that when someone is killed, then they
are dead. I told her if she were dead then she couldn't seeGrammie, Grandad, Mommy, C or M. She added
"I can't see my puppy or Simon orJoJo?"
I told her that to say that to someone was very ugly and that she should never
say that. Of course this all happened the day after she bit her friend. We are
trading one woe for another seems like.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Just some random photos I took on Saturday hanging out with my parents and G. G "helped" grandaddy a lot on Saturday. She also loves picking flowers. Then for all of you waiting on referral, your ladybug!!!

G trying to stop the tire swing. She decided that was too big for her.

I do not do well on the losing an hour day. I truly feel it for at least a week. Not fun. But I do love spring. The flowers in bloom and the bright sunshine. We have been wearing summer clothes for two weeks or more. We played at Grammie's house Saturday and Sunday. G is able to ride her tricycle pretty well. She is not quite able to steer yet but she is working on it. Here are more pics of the day.

I had a great time Friday night seeing some old friends from
parole. I ended up missing the family returning from China. I am sure they were
too tired and don't mind. I hope to catch them this weekend.

Anyway after my friends from parole visit
I met a couple friend of mine to have dinner. After dinner the wife of this
couple and I headed for coffee. The wife and I used to work at the same company
and have trained for and ran 2 marathons together. She ran the second one due
to stress fracture on my part. Anyway, I got home at midnight and to bed at
midnight thirty. Needless to say the 4 hour nap I took on Saturday was very
needed.

There are many changes at my old company
that directly affect her. Some of the changes are good and some bad. She
herself received a promotion that is actually not a good thing as with this
company any move up means entering a world of micro management and control of
personal lives by the owner. The good is another ex-coworker was moved into her
department over a silly something but that will be good for this person as it
is less responsibility and less face/phone time with some of the major a-holes
of said company, the owner being one of them.

Catching up with my parole friends was
fun. One of the girls I shared an office with who is basically the antithesis
of me is now the curator of the Stax Museum. Pretty cool. Our differences I
guess helped to make us friends. We sort of lost contact after she left parole
and after I left parole so when we do catch up it is nice to see her.

I had a video of G so I was able to show
how cute she is. Most of these people are not so much anti-children but not so
much wanting children. So my being a mom is a new phenomena to these people.
The fact that I actually wanted to be a mom really throws them for a loop.

I did manage to get pics of some of my
parole friends with me so I will post them soon. I doubt anyone will recognize
them but if they are recognized I will take them down. I wouldn't want to mess
with anyone's privacy. I also have some fun photos of G I need to download but
haven't had the time.

First Thing is crazy. Not in the
psychologically damaging way that gmark was but definitely crazy. I am truly
amazed that any project is completed or started or even progresses normally
here. I have been warned to watch my back from back stabbers. I have been
notified that stepping on toes is unacceptable and that people here are afraid
of new employees due to the stepping on toes part.

I have been shunned (not
such a big deal), ignored directly and been told to do totally different things
by two different "heads". To top all that, the salary isn't enough
and I think I am overdrawn at the bank. Oh well. Things have got to get better,
right?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Today is a beautiful day and would have been nice to keptGhome
just to play. She had to go to school though because I have to go to work. Good
thing her "bestfwiendMaddie" was there. It is funny to
hear her at not yet three talk about "my bestfwiendMaddie and my bestfwiendMegan." Everyone else in her
class is a monster. To some extent it is the truth.

Gloves
her lady bug blanket. It had to be washed twice on Saturday and that was not
pleasant. She didn't cry but she sure did miss it. She talks to it like it is a
real person too. She loves on it and talks about it. She wants me to write its
name. She is very funny.

She is not into naming things yet. She
call her share bear, purple bear. I have started telling her that purplebear'sother name is Share Bear so she can
get used to knowing two names. Like my other name is B. She named her
unicorn "mommy" this morning. She just grinned that shy grin when she
told me its name was mommy.

Off she went to school today in her short
sleeved "t-shirk" with pandas on it. She took a stuffed unicorn to
take a nap with. She leaves her lady bug blanket in the car with mommy because
one of the other kids might take it. I have no idea what happened to her juice.
I think it is in her car seat. She really is the sweetest kiddo in the world. I
fall in love with her every day. She asked me last night if I missed her
yesterday, and you know I did really miss her. I couldn't wait to see her after
work. Funny how that is. Motherhood is great.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I was reading back in an older yahoo group post about G and some
of the words she says. I have to say that was reason enough to continue posting
about her. I forgot how she used to say "oosh" for shoes. So here it
goes.

G hates band-aids. Period. She hates them
on her and on anyone related to her. Right now she has a cut on her foot that
had to have a band-aid, and thankfully I had some care bear ones. The plain
ones hurt her foot too much, not that she had a plain one on at anytime
however.

She loves seaweed still. She barely
remembered eating it before, until this morning. She said, "I still wike
seaweed."

She has started correcting me when I
pronounce things like she used to, for example, "kennel" she used to
say, "kennen". When I tried to say, "kennen" like she did,
she looked at me and said, "you not do it wight, it is kennel," with
extra emphasis on the "el" sound.

She says, "pooter" for computer
and wants me to work on my "pooter" when we are in the living room
just hanging out.

She reads to herself, sort of. She makes
up sounds or repeats the same phrase on every page.

She says, "sha" or "se se
se" and I ask her if she is speaking Chinese. She says yes. No particular
rhyme or reason for these words or phrases or even the timing of when she says
them.

She, regretfully, has learned about a hot
fired temper from me. She also can throw one mean temper tantrum.

She has started recently to hide when
going to sleep. Basically, she covers her whole head up when going to sleep. I
used to do this too but now I at least need my nose to not be covered. I am
afraid to hyperventilate. I worry with her getting too hot. I think the Mulan
"uggy man" has scared her pretty good. This hiding is in response to
her being scared.

She still adores her grandaddy and when he
is sick she just wants "he to make heself peel better." She also
wants to make sure grammie makes him feel better too.

She loves to call her grammie and grandad
to let them know she poo'ed in the potty. Since she is still potty training I
indulge the phone call most of the time. Sadly, it doesn't replace the candy
rewards. We have stopped the candy rewards for tee-ing in the potty just by
forgetting to give them to her.

She loves "t-shirks". She wants
everyone to wear a "t-shirk" especially if she is wearing one.

She is learning to match things now and
will pick out the most inane things to tell me matches something else. She is
not into the differences yet. I am not sure at what age differences are
mastered. I guess first it is just awareness of things then how things look
alike or have on the same color then I guess we do what is different between
things.

When reading the same books every night,
she will tell or ask me the same thing about the same pictures every. single.
time. It is enough to drive me crazy. If I skip a page, she says, " wait a
minute, wait a minute" and we go back to ask the same question again. She
will get very upset if I don't do something the same way too.

She needs predictability and remembers
things that I am just sure she wouldn't or shouldn't. She loves sameness. She
wants to do "whatever" the same each time we do it. If we go for a
walk, we have to go the same way. If we sing a song, we have to sing it the
same way. If we listen to a CD we have to listen to the same order of songs and
not necessarily the way it is recorded. Heaven forbid we do something out of
her "normal" order of things.

She knows and says happily for now,
"I have two mommies. A foster mommy in China and you." I tell her,
"Yes and I am your forever mommy." She doesn't yet understand or
comprehend forever or a long time yet.

She says, "Last time" or
"Yesterday" when she wants to indicate that she did something in a
past event.

She has "much hair" now but
didn't have "much hair" in China.

She loves to see herself on the camera and
will wave to herself.

The G she sees in a mirror is very mean to
her. She will say, "That dennis hit me." She calls herself, Dennis.
"Gl" is not in her language yet. Yes she still refers to herself in
third party.

She is so much fun. She is a handful. She
is my most precious child. She is going to only, "grow up just a little
bit." At each stage I will miss the baby she is growing out of but I enjoy
the new child she is growing into.

So I have a very bad attitude about doing the same thing over and over. I get very bored very easily. I am also broke even with a job. I am determined to at least change my attitude about the menial part of my life even if I can't do anything about the financial part yet.

If my house would sell in Memphis and I could get at least $20,000 over the sell I would be thrilled. That is about what I owe my parents for helping us out during the long jobless wait. Sad I know. I think though I am going to get shafted on the house. I just don't have any money with which to have to come to the table at closing.

I think on my death bed my regret will be not being financially wealthy so I could lavish gifts, opportunity and time on my sweetest girl. She is a dream come true in my nightmarish situation. Yes I am a pessimist by birth. I deal in always and nevers. The glass is not only half empty, but it is falling over as we speak!! I know, I know life is not always bad and situations do change. I just wish I had a little more control over the changes.

I am praying the house will sell before the agent's 3 month contract is up without having to again reduce the price. I WILL NEVER BUY OR SELL ANOTHER HOUSE EVER AGAIN. Hear me world I mean it!!!!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

So Friday night I allowed Glenys to spend the night with her grandparents even though one of them has strep. I figured she was already exposed so how could it hurt. Grammie said she would keep her away and elsewhere occupied. So spend the night she did. Glenys needless to say did not like her grandad being sick so she insisted on making him feel better by having him read her books, patting on him, loving on him, playing with him and watching Barney with him. How could that not make him feel better?

I headed out there yesterday morning and we stayed pretty much all
day. I got to witness my child being ever so loving with her grandad. She also
took a nap on me, cried about her grandad being sick, and taking another nap
later on her grandad. But by 5 pm she was sick with a fever, low grade, and
around 5:30ishshe threw up big
all over her and grandad.

Now, it isn't strep apparently stomach bug
is going around in her daycare and that is what she had. I say had because this
morning, she was fine and had no fever all night. Nor did she throw up again.
Before bed last night she ate like 6 saltines and one cup of jello. Grandad is
still very sick, not able to go to church this morning.

I promised her that if she felt better and
it wasn't cold outside we would go to the zoo. Well, she remembered and we went
to the zoo. Beautiful sunshiny day with temps in the high 30s and low 40s. Yes
we were crazy but there were a few other crazy people there too some with
younger kids thanG. I saw a
daddy lift up his baby in a car seat/carrier thing to show it the elephants. I
didn't see the baby but it was a baby baby. That baby was too young to even see
the elephants from that distance.

Anyway, before we got to the polar bears,Gdecided
she was too hungry and needed to go eat. Plus it was getting close to nap time.
So we went to eat lunch and she fell asleep in the car on the way home. We
moved inside and I was able to nap about an hour myself.

She is "painting" now. Actually,
her version of painting is to do a few hand prints then eat what is left of the
paint. I mix food coloring with vanilla pudding. One snack cup size and 4
colors. I keep telling her that if she would like to have the pudding without
the color she can have it. But I think she likes making herself blue, red,
green and yellow. She gets it everywhere and thankfully it washes out pretty
well. I prefer this paint for now.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Angelina Jolie is now adopting, as a single mom, from Viet Nam. I
am sure that the China regulations played a small role in the decision not to
adopt from China but maybe not. I am actually glad to see her adopt again. I think she brings needed attention
to the status of orphans and orphanages in the world.

There is a need, even in America, for
adoption. It is not more or less difficult to adopt domestically rather than
internationally so I don't necessarily advocate one over the other. Domestic
adoptions that go badly however do get much more publicity than the ones that
are successful. Due to the popular status Jolie has I would doubt very much
that domestic would be a good idea for her. Could you imagine some birth mom
finding out Jolie is the adoptive mom to her child? Can you say extortion? I am
not implying that all birth moms are that immoral or unethical, but a person in
a desperate situation might be so inclined to see the 15 minutes of fame as
appealing.

Good for AJ to go to Viet Nam. That is
where I plan to pursue my second adoption. I decided formally when China became
very strict. Those changes saddened me greatly, and I posted about it earlier.
I don't blame nor dislike China for implementing the changes it feels would
serve the orphan population better, but it is sad for me.

I am sad for the negative publicity Viet
Nam is going to get due to the Jolie adoption. I hope it won't change too much
before I am able and ready to adopt again. Those media types who have never
adopted just can't get the process or rationale right on why people adopt.

I still run across idiotic comments about
my adopting G. I was thanked personally by someone yesterday for adopting G. I
am sure this person didn't realize what she was saying or how it came across. I
am glad G wasn't here to hear her either. I adopted for my own selfish reasons.
I wanted to be a mom and didn't want to birth a child. Everyone has their own
reasons to pursue adoption. I also wasn't concerned with her looking like me as
in being Caucasian and my heart call was to China.

China had/has the most predictable process
in that at the very end of the day, there will be a finalized adoption. The
money is even predictable. Everyone has the same basic experience. The
differences fall in number in travel group, previous personal experience in
travel generally, sites to see in different provinces and sometimes overall
health of the child.

I think these experiences help those who
adopted from China to bond more quickly than other people who have adopted from
other countries. I know our local FCC group is a lot tighter knit than the
Russian adoption families or Korean adoption families I have met.

Domestic is even extremely different in the hows
and whats and whys. Each state rules its own program. Adopting through the DHS
program is much less expensive than adopting directly through an agency or the
birth mom and lawyers. The problems experienced by some of the children may be
extreme or be no issue at all. It is just different. Better or worse, no. All children
deserve a family, parents who love them, a place to call their own, and the
chance to grow up, so again kudos to A Jolie for her next move. I wish I had
her money and could pursue another adoption right now.

My poor dad went to the doctor for a check up and contracted strep throat. He was sick on Wednesday when G and I saw him. She was supposed to go spend the night with them tonight. I am going to let her go anyway because she has already been exposed to it. She isn't acting like she is feeling badly. My mom can keep her away from him for the most part too. She will leave him be I think if she knows he is sick. I am prone to strep too. In college I had it 3 out of 4 semesters back to back. Hopefully I won't get it too. My mom and one brother are prone to mono.

This map is a pretty cool map to designate and keep up with where I have traveled. G was looking at pictures this morning of Greece (hanging in the bedroom) and she said she wanted to go to Greece. I told her when she grew up she could go all over the world and I would totally support her. If I can I will support her travels financially too. There are still so many places I want to go. I would love to go to Thailand, Egypt, Israel, Alaska, Brazil and Germany. There are many more places I would love to travel if I get the chance and to share these places with G would be so much fun.

Seeing 9% of the world is more than some people will ever see. I am privileged and grateful to be able to do as much as I have. So click on the map, it is your turn to say where you have been.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

While cleaning up my yahoo e-mails I found these photos sent by my social worker. This was October and December 2005. The first two were at the fall festival for the CHI families in my area. The third was at the CHI family Christmas party.

G never was a big socializer nor smiler. She will smile now for me but still is not big on the socializing scale.

I ran/walked last night too for almost 20 mins. Well, it was closer to 20 mins than 15. Felt good but my legs are a bit sore. Funny how no exercise will do that to ya! Anyhoo, G ate dinner with her grandad and then we stayed for church. She stays with the adults when we go to church and she is very good. She is a typical toddler but she sits quietly and draws switching pens between herself, grandad, me and grammie. We are the most distracted rather than any other person. It was a good night.

First Thing is now sort of on the go side. I have started the scan process and it will take a while. This company is very non-structured, non-threatening, fearful of change, etc. Also, there are too many chiefs not enough indians. I don't mind being an indian but I do mind being criticised for trying to help. I was told not to try to take some one's job away. I didn't even know someone was doing this particular job. So, when it comes to decisions, no one makes one. When it comes to offering to help, you step on toes. When it comes to contacting people, no one knows a number. It seems to be field personnel vs staff. Inside staff it is management vs clerical. Strange no one really supports the others.