THIS IS THE END, BEAUTIFUL FRIEND

I realize that it's been some time since I wrote something legitimate, and not silly. So, here goes nothing.

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Twilly passed away yesterday.

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As we were driving to vet for her checkup, she was physically struggling to stay awake. Her extremities had gone cold, and she just looked like a mess.

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When we got to vet, Twilly's doctor told us that there was nothing we could do for her anymore.

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For the first time ever, Twilly did not resist going into the vet office, didn't try to run outside, and didn't really fight it. She was ready.

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Annie and I held her as she fell asleep, and she died in our arms. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever had with my wife and kid, and I will never forget it for as long as I live.

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Rewind to a week prior.

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Annie and I signed our closing documents on our refinance. For the first time in a long time, we were out of the woods financially.

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As we were driving to the store to celebrate, we were hit from behind by a drunk driver. I was not hurt. Annie got dinged up.

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The drunk driver fled the scene, got pulled over, but was let go because he passed the field sobriety test. However, I think it had more to do with the fact that he was a big contributor to the S.R.P.D.'s police retirement fund.

The era of smart phones and Google is both a blessing and a terrible curse.

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Flash forward to Sunday.

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We drove down to my in-law's, taking Twilly with us. She had a wonderful day digging holes and playing in the sun. It was a joy to see her so happy.

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Flash forward to yesterday.

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I get an e-mail telling us that the lease application for our new office was approved. We have a new office now.

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Flash to the car ride to the vet.

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We knew Twilly would not come home with us. She, truly, was dying. That horror...that dawning ugliness sat on my heart.

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I remember thinking and saying out loud through tears that here, right now, in this very moment, the universe is moving. There was a fundamental shift in our life that was happening right now, and there was no halting that ever.

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I remember feeling that way as I sat with my dying mother, waiting and, yet, terrified of what would happen. All at once, I felt peace with it.

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I accepted the change. I accepted her death. Once that happens, you can find your footing again.

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Twilly was ready for it yesterday. She knew that she was too sick, and just wanted us to be with her in the end.

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We gave her a "good death", which is all we could have ever asked.

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Flash forward to this morning. Today, we were told that the check from the refinance would be arriving today.

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Today, we'd no longer be horribly broke, and we'd be able to move forward.

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The boys are terribly sad. Moony keeps sitting in her bed, and licking it. He has been wandering the house, trying to find her.

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Froggy has been howling and crying for his big sister.

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In a way, I feel guilty for being slightly happy that we no longer having the burden of taking care of Twilly.

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However, I would never, ever, ever change one damn minute of it.

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The universe moves inexorably. It's invisible wheels turn slowly, but they do turn. The monstrous effect upon how we live is what makes those movements so significant. As you can see, the effects are both positive and negative, bittersweet, and yet, happy.

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We don't always notice those changes. When we do, however, it is a sign of better things to come.

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R.I.P., my sweet, sweet girl. Go be with your brother now. We will see you soon.