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5 September 2019

September Goal and WTF I'm Doing With 2019

I may not have to buy new stationery, and the days of leaving my school shoes by the front door are long gone, BUT I just can't shake the feeling that September is a fresh start.

Summer happens to be my favourite time of year, but even I can admit, there's something to be said for slipping on boots and jumpers and not being sweaty 24/7.

In line with this, I've discovered a 'new school year' goal which at the start of this summer, wouldn't have existed, but now is ruling my life.

This is a strange one, and I might talk about the context of it at some point, but after spending the last few years steadily building up my self-confidence to a point in which I'm truly happy with who I am, I had a stumbling block this summer.

It was a stumbling block which was much deeper than how I felt in a bikini, and instead shredded the confidence and security I had on the inside, engulfing me in a way which made my whole life, my whole existence seem pointless.

Looking back over the last two months, I hardly recognise who I was and how I've been feeling. Panic attacks and anxiety have ruled my private life, whilst to everyone else I've been louder (and probably more annoying) than ever before, an attempt to overcompensate this reduction in my sense of self.

As I mentioned, I'll be writing about this whole experience in a later post. Not just the 'whys', but also bring to attention how, as a very self-aware person who tends to be on top of mental health discussions, I've managed to let it engulf me.

So in short, I'm extremely keen to focus on myself and re-discover the confident, happy girl (woman????) which was knocked out of me at the end of June.

But what the bloody hell is happening post-September?

Well, if you missed it, I'm currently in France, where I've been for the last 4 months. I'm coming to the very end of a summer season, which has involved a lot of croissants and Kronenbourg, and a weeks time, it will all be over.

Never one to stick around in the UK, much to the despair of my friends and family, I'm spending 10 days at home before heading to America until December.

This is a fairly recent development and I'll be basing myself with family in Charleston SC, but using the opportunity to explore other parts of the country.

After America, it's back to chasing the sun for me, as I'm off to spend Christmas and New Year in Sydney with my favourite people.

I'm fairly confident in the knowledge that SC will have much better wifi than this little campsite in France, so I'm hoping to be posting a lot more content over the next few months.

I feel as if I've been holding back from what I want to be writing about, but I've discovered now more than ever is the time to make your voice heard.