Monthly Archives: April 2011

1) had a critical conversation with my mom… it went very well (except for the tears) and i felt much lighter afterwards…until we talked a few days later and we had Critical Conversation Part Two. (followed by CC’s Three, Four, and Five) which were heavier. but i think it’s all even now…a bit of time and continuing the conversation helped…clarification & communication are both key.

2) bit the bullet (no put intended) and joined Weight Watchers last night. I’m not a calorie counter b/c I’m more of a whole-food girl, but hope the new PointsPlus program & the work I did last year will mesh well after some initial bumps re: theory/philosophy. I’m optimistic that participating in the WW program will be beneficial and I won’t be resistant…and it will bring me closer to being able to reflect my true self. both online tools & meetings…may or may not talk about it much ~ will keep you posted.

3) started the new job today (took a lot of time & energy to get here) …am thankful they will pay me for today’s orientation (the contract agency hardly compensates me for orientation, which i don’t like), and I go back tomorrow to basically ‘shadow’ the full-time speech therapist (find out where things are, procedures, paperwork, online patient documentation). I’ll bring my calendar and hope to set up a schedule for the next two weeks (and proof of identity ~ need to find my SS card or passport…which i’ve never used by the way ~ if memory serves, it’s gonna expire in 2016. need to do some visiting!)

4) made a dream/vision board…. will be making more. it’s important to have a thesis/theme for the boards…it’s more challenging than slapping pretty pictures down on paper (it’s also difficult b/c you’re supposed to look at the dream board all the time & think/ponder/meditate..and I have to hide private things when i’m gone because the house is on the market ~ **and** i need to remember to put private things away before I leave b/c strangers could walk through my home any moment…have i mentioned recently that i’m a private person and don’t like to have strangers in my home uninvited? but that’s whole different story)

5) am also realizing that my thoughts have really shifted in a negative way…not sure when this shift happened (probably more recently, somewhere in Delaware). feels like i’m becoming negative in my thoughts, yet i’m so encouraging and supportive and optimistic toward others (genuinely), but then why am i usually so hard/unforgiving/discouraging to myself when it’s just me, myself, and I? am trying to catch myself when i think i wont’ ever lose weight, or won’t ever date/marry someone who’s remotely worthy or good enough for me, or…you get the picture. if i don’t think i deserve it, why on earth should anyone else? and we’re all a work in progress, are we not? i am working on the thoughts and having higher standards…work in progress.

6) the past month has been filled with decompressing from time on the east coast, insecurity b/c no job lined up (thus no $ coming in), then a week of frustration b/c of angst with me taking this job re: my contract agency employer, feeling off socially b/c I’m back in MO after saying goodbye last August (back b/c my house hasn’t yet sold), not selling my house (yet), someone keeps stealing the “hey there’s a house for sale down this street!” sign ~ in the past 3.5 weeks, three signs have been stolen. I do better with a plan, and when I’m doing stuff…this past month has had no plan and I haven’t been doing stuff b/c there’s been no plan… see? viscous circle.

7) have been focusing on reestablishing relationships both near & far…and thankfully there is fruit.

8) realized recently that i’ve literally put my life on hold…so I’m trying to let it move a little bit while I’m in limbo ~ which for some reason feels challenging at times.

9) i look forward to reading your comments on any number (or all of them for that matter!)…and I’m not making any promises, but it’s my goal to be more present on the wib, too. am giving myself some space from the big social networking site, and find it very liberating…may even develop even stronger boundaries. higher standards! firmer boundaries!
~ ahhhh, yes ~
…sleep well, whenever & wherever you are (((((wib)))))