New York Divorce Blog

The Many Faces of An Abusive Spouse and How to Protect Yourself

Posted By Lois Brenner || 1-Dec-2013

A young woman came to see me recently at the urging of a family friend
who felt I could help. She was a successful financial professional, who
had graduated from Harvard, was married to a physician and had one child.
She explained that over the past few years she found herself “falling
apart” and didn’t understand what was happening to her.

As I asked her questions, it became evident to me that she was a victim
of abuse but she was clearly not aware of it. When we talked about her
marriage, she explained her husband no longer wanted her to work, so she
didn’t. She had no access to finances and was not “allowed”
to have her own checking account. Her husband even had to approve of all
her friends and he scrutinized her mail. She then defended his behavior
and said he was a good father and provider. She stated, “He is not
responsible for his behavior because he’s stressed out all the time.”
When I asked about his angry outbursts, she quickly said, “Well
he doesn’t hit me, but he can say very mean and hurtful things.”

As we further discussed his rage and her marriage, my client realized that
her husband had diminished and isolated her so much that she had lost
her spirit, her self-esteem and most importantly, herself. Yes, this is
the face of abuse. You don’t have to be “hit” to be
abused. If you’re unsure or think you might be a victim of abuse,
please consult with a psychologically trained legal professional who can
guide you on the steps you can take to remove yourself from an unhealthy
marriage. Become educated, know your rights, and take some action!

If you have any other questions about
abusive relationships or need help in the choice you are thinking of making in leaving that
relationship, please feel free to call me at (646) 663-4546, and I’d be happy
to advise or help you fight or negotiate the outcome you are looking for.
I’m
Lois Brenner, a psychologically trained medical professional, mediator, and New York
divorce attorney; and I will help you achieve the future you deserve.