XX Factorhttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com
The chromosome that changes everythingThu, 24 May 2018 12:19:22 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://secure.gravatar.com/blavatar/56a5bbe39504e0ed0f0ac1b55d4e897b?s=96&d=https%3A%2F%2Fs0.wp.com%2Fi%2Fbuttonw-com.pngXX Factorhttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com
The Lowest Priority Boxhttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/the-lowest-priority-box/
https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/05/18/the-lowest-priority-box/#commentsFri, 18 May 2018 11:14:19 +0000http://xxfactor.wordpress.com/?p=5447Last week, I drew a line and said,

“I’m done. No more. Goodbye.”

I have lived through the dreadfulness of limbo, the sheer callousness of men who will not spend a minute reflecting on their feelings. And you know what? It is just not that important any more. 2017 wrecked such a heavy toll on me that I gave up (the last time I did this was in 2000). In my resigned surrender, something happened. I gave up the faith that the world of men has anything good for me.

I have not stopped feeling. But this feeling, this unresolved mess sits in an Odds & Ends box that is lowest priority in my life. Like most women, I have always prioritised the romantic relationship over everything else – my health, my career, my dreams, my ambitions, my family and friendships. I am done.

The person I’ve drawn that line for has made feeble attempts to get me to revoke it. Too little, too late – do men really not understand that this can become a thing? No, I guess they don’t. How could they, when their entire lives are taken up by their immediate demands? There is no room for anybody else or situational realities.

I say this with no hatred and all the resignation in the world. There is no point prioritising anything over a relationship with a man. That’s too big a gamble and guess what? The house of patriarchy always wins. I’m declaring a truce with male commitment-phobia, fuccboiness, mama’s boy syndrome, Madonna/Whore complexes and all other things male. I can’t eliminate you from this world. I can’t even keep you from entering my life. But I can relegate you to the lowest priority in my universe. Stay in the outhouse with your shit.

I cannot wait to stop wanting altogether. Maybe menopause will bring a pause in men too.

Last month, SXonomics met the Stance Podcast team. Stance Podcast is an independent arts, culture and current affairs podcast exploring diverse, global perspectives. Presented as a transatlantic conversation between broadcasters, Chrystal Genesis in London and Heta Fell in San Francisco, Stance aims to inform, entertain and inspire action.

We met Chrystal and her team on their Mumbai trip, to talk about collaborative performance, sex and gender activism and Mumbai. We are featured alongside our friend Praful Baweja and the podcast also includes stalwarts like Zakir Hussain.

This podcast helped me recontextualise the ideas I and we have been putting out in writing and in performance, within the global framework of important conversations around sex and art. This is tremendously validating and helps move past the misogynist attacks, the microaggressions and everyday hatred that comes my way.

SXonomics is a feminist content producer and a collaboration between Ramya Pandyan and Ishmeet Nagpal. SXonomics is on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube and SoundCloud. Drop us a note at SXnomics [at] Gmail [dot] com to chat about feminism, patriarchy, LGBTQIA issues, sex and love positivity!

]]>https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/the-stance-podcast-ep-17-sxonomics-modern-mumbai-a-ballet-collaboration-with-zakir-hussain-playwright-natasha-gordon/feed/0Stance SXonomicsideasmithSXonomics On The Reproductive Justice Happy Hour Podcasthttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/sxonomics-on-the-reproductive-justice-happy-hour-podcast/
https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/sxonomics-on-the-reproductive-justice-happy-hour-podcast/#respondWed, 09 May 2018 11:56:39 +0000http://xxfactor.wordpress.com/?p=5440SXonomics was featured on The Reproductive Justice Happy Hour podcast. Just like SXonomics, TRJHH is also a collaboration between two women, this time cross-continental. The podcast takes on feminist issues as they pertain to desi audiences, in India and the diaspora.

I’d already had a chance to talk to Surabhi a few months earlier and it was a real pleasure. When you live in a world where most people tell you that you are wrong for existing, where your ideas are shouted down and deemed ‘manhater’ (whatever that is, since it is not a real word), conversations like this one come as tremendous relief. It’s a lot like being an allergy sufferer in Mumbai. I don’t even realise how much I struggle to breathe until I visit a place that is cleaner and less polluted. Similarly, these rare conversations make me realise what an effort it is, even to exist in my world. And I am still one of the privileged with an education and living in a city. It’s an uphill task, this fight and I often consider giving up.

But just when I do, a conversation like this comes along. Surabhi got us talking about how SXonomics came to be, our creative process and the work we’ve been doing. But she also got us thinking about female solidarity, about what makes collaborations really work. The last such conversation I had that really grew me, was also related to SXonomics and was with Damini, the first person to interview us and take our story out to the world. Damini pointed out that even our combination-performance weaving music, poetry, comedy and drama together was a feminist statement of a sort.

“All human interactions are transactional in nature. They may not be currency-based but they are transactions of power, of respect.”

SXonomics is a feminist content producer and a collaboration between Ramya Pandyan and Ishmeet Nagpal. SXonomics is on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Youtube and SoundCloud. Drop us a note at SXnomics [at] Gmail [dot] com to chat about feminism, patriarchy, LGBTQIA issues, sex and love positivity!

]]>https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/sxonomics-on-the-reproductive-justice-happy-hour-podcast/feed/0SXonomics_RepJusticeideasmithThe Menstrual Cup As A Gauge For Wellbeinghttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/04/11/the-menstrual-cup-as-a-gauge-for-wellbeing/
https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/04/11/the-menstrual-cup-as-a-gauge-for-wellbeing/#respondWed, 11 Apr 2018 12:58:12 +0000http://xxfactor.wordpress.com/?p=5431The menstrual cup adventures and misadventures continue. It was to be expected. The menstrual system is a complex ones full of intricate levers and pulleys and hormones and what-not. All things considered, it really is an engineering marvel that works pretty much like clockwork for at least 30 years, adapts for pregnancy and sex life. And most of all, given all the different things that go through it, it is a self-cleaning system (a feat I imagine is virtually impossible in the world of machines). So yes, I appreciate my vagina and all things attached to it. The menstrual cup journey has certainly given me a newfound respect for this system that my body comes equipped with.

This has been my menstrual cup timeline so far:

July 2015: Started with a firm, medium sized, stemmed SilkyCup. It took me awhile to learn insertion and get comfortable with the cup. But leaks were still happening.

June 2016: Switched to a soft, medium sized, non-stemmed SheCup. I thought the leaks may be happening because the previous cup wasn’t unfurling properly. This cup was easier to put in. But it turned inside me a couple of times and once, fell into the toilet bowl when I was trying to get it out. It also leaked.

March 2017: Moved to large sized, stemmed WOW Freedom and ALX Care. WOW Freedom is a soft cup while ALX Care is a firm cup. I wanted to see if sizing up would prevent the leaks and after the turnover (turncoat?) cup, I felt safer having a stem. I’ve been using these alternately and have had good experiences with both. No more leaks, no difficulty putting in or removing and the cramps have reduced too.

March 2018: Experienced pain for the first time with the WOW Freedom. I was anticipating my period and had a day full of travel so I popped the cup in. I felt like my insides were being sucked in together and this goes beyond unpleasant when you have to endure it for 6 hours through a performance and a panel discussion. I tried it again the next day when I had a less busy day and the same pain persisted. I switched to my old medium sized SilkyCup (my first one). No pain but the leaks began again.

April 2018: Went through the whole period with WOW Freedom again. This time though, I inserted the cup while lying flat on my back, the way I used to in the early days. There was no pain throughout the period but there were some minor leaks.

I haven’t had any major physical changes in the past year. I’ve worked out sporadically. My exercise routine has changed from the gym trainer-led machines workout to my own combination of body weight exercises, yoga and cardio. I don’t ache as much, sleep better and eat better, at least when I am working out. As with most other things, I realise I know my body best and I’m best equipped to figure out what it needs.

I’ve lived with allergies, practically my whole life. Food allergies, respiratory allergies, skin allergies — I’ve seen them all. But I’ve learnt to live with them and not just with medication. I know high stress times spark off my attacks. In line with that, it seems logical that my period health would also reflect my internal wellbeing (or lack of it).

The year I spent with an abusive boyfriend, I also had the most painful periods I’ve ever had, which carried on for year after we had parted ways. I’ve always had high pain tolerance but this was excruciating enough for me to faint once. The next time I dealt with problematic periods was 2010–2012, right on schedule alongside another abusive, violent relationship. This time it was weakness, extreme sleepiness, nausea and pain. And the month we broke up, a delayed period as well (which gave him the opportunity to say, “It’s not my problem.”). I think it’s safe to assume my menstrual cycle is a good gauge of how healthy I actually am internally, regardless of what I look like on the outside.

I have been dealing with a lot of heavy emotional issues in recent times. The odd thing is, my period flow hasn’t been heavier or even delayed. But the symptoms vary and perhaps it has impacted my pain tolerance or maybe even my internal measurements. So now I know this happens. This system is a living, thriving being and it mirrors how I feel outside. The menstrual cup is but a tool. It has made it easier for me to understand the variations in my period (not just flow and schedule, which is what most people notice).

This month, I’m glad to say, the period was on schedule, no unforeseen aches, no crippling pain, no unexpected symptoms. I have to figure out how to get through these with zero leaks now. Maybe it’s time to invest in a small sized cup as well for tighter times.

]]>https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/04/11/the-menstrual-cup-as-a-gauge-for-wellbeing/feed/0ideasmithWhy Men Need To Get Quiethttps://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/04/05/why-men-need-to-get-quiet/
https://xxfactor.wordpress.com/2018/04/05/why-men-need-to-get-quiet/#respondThu, 05 Apr 2018 04:53:44 +0000http://xxfactor.wordpress.com/?p=5425Yes, that’s what I said. Yes, all men. Yes, as an entire gender.

Notice how much male-generated noise there is in the world? In politics, in art, in the media, in popular culture, in coffeeshops and bars and drawing rooms and boardrooms and bedrooms. There are more men in the world and they are saying much more. Ergo, they generate more verbal clutter. This is not a gendering accusation. It’s simple statistics.

I ran a small experiment. I looked up the term ‘Silence’ on Pixabay. All the images of people that came up on the first page were of women doing the finger-to-lips gesture. Others were of serene landscapes and peaceful places. Even some animals. But no men. Silence is not an attribute to be associated with men.

On the other hand, when I tried looking up ‘Speak’ on the same site, I found images of frogs, monkeys and men. This was the first picture that had a woman in it. Notice the number of men and their body language in it.

*The first picture featuring a woman in a search for ‘Speak’ on Pixabay

The dating scene, the art beat, the corporate world — these are all rife with men making verbal jumps without caution. Mansplaining, manspreading, constant needless aggression — just what makes an entire gender keep at this, despite all evidence of it only being damaging behaviour? I think it’s because men are constantly being pushed to be the opposite of quiet. The trick is to keep talking, they seem to be told. Let the verbal diarrhoea run, regardless of sense, propriety, reason or consideration. Keep speaking because if you don’t, you will will cease to exist. Doesn’t that explain why trolls and meninists bash on with statements that mean nothing at all? Or why men uniformly descend to aggression, even threats, when they reach a verbal stop? Because when they run out of words, they think their existence is running out unless they keep well, running. Even if they run all over the other person.

Consider this. Women are constantly being pushed to quietness. Silencing by bullying, by harassment, by ridicule, by social convention. Speak softly, speak of small things, speak little or better yet, not at all. In fact, quietness is prized as a virtue in a woman. Do not be a speaker, a thinker, an individual. Be a puzzle, a prize, an object.

If female, be seen, not heard.

By stark contrast, men are NEVER told to be quiet. If a man is quiet, it must be in a hyper-glorified character like Silent Brooder. Or Cryptic Wise Man. Or Damaged (subtext: sexy) Bad Boy. If he cannot pull these off, he can always plead shyness (“Aww, that’s sweet”) or social anxiety (“Here, let me take care of you”). Like being male and being quiet are not simultaneously possible or healthy and efforts must be made to change this situation immediately. His very silence must be turned into a story that screams loud enough to catch the world’s attention.

If male, be HEARD, even if you don’t have anything to say.

That’s a tall order for a gender that science believes is not as good at communication or social skills. Silence may be a female prison but maybe it is also a female prerogative. Some of us rage on about allowing women a voice. The other side of it is to get men to shut up and to let them shut up. We need to teach our men that their existence is not built of words only and that their value goes beyond what comes out of their mouths.

The one picture I found featuring a man in a search for ‘Silence’ on Pixabay