A new partner aibu.

Hi! Perhaps not so much of an aibu as aib a wimp?So, I have 1dd aged 4, was with a guy for two years, not her dad but he was fond of her. He didn't treat me too well though, constantly criticising me, putting me down in public, telling me I was too fat and he didn't fancy me five minutes after sex etc... I could go on...So we split up, about a year ago. He stays in semi regular contact and asks to see dd occasionally which I agree to for her sake as I don't want her to feel rejected. So, he invited us to come and stay with him for the weekend (we live about 4 hours apart) to take dd to a local event. I agreed and we arrived (after a nightmare journey) In short, when we settled in I discovered that not only did he have a new partner but she lives with him and dd and I would be introduced very shortly!!He hadn't warned me about any of this so I was surprised to say the least.Anyway, we stayed, I was polite, we had an ok (although slightly strained) weekend.... The four of us.However, when I laughingly told my two closest friends about my odd weekend they were furious on my behalf, called me a wimp and said I should have walked out and refused to stay there.Should I? Was I a drip to just sit tight and wait for the weekend to end? Or are my friends being a bit ott about this?

I suppose I don't see him as abusive really, an arse yes definitely but abusive? A bit strong surely?? I stayed in touch as dd is fond of him and I thought she'd feel hurt if he suddenly disappeared from her life.

I wouldn't be particularly bothered about the new partner bit, as you're exes, but I think you should tell her that you're not seeing him anymore because he wasn't nice to mummy and that's not ok. He's not her father so really no reason to keep him involved.

I think you did what was best for your daughter under the circumstances. If you had of left in a huff / after a row etc your daughter would have been upset and not understood why she couldn't have the weekend there. I'm sure it wasn't easy. Tbh I think you'd be more of a wimp if you didn't stay.

I agree with previous posters. Cut all contact. Don't you see that him inviting you to stay with him and his new partner is cruel to the point of abuse in itself? It might be worth you looking into the freedom programme

Chloe definitely not, it was me that walked out, I recognise that he was an arse and made me unhappy, I suppose I just saw abuse as something more obvious, hitting, shouting etc.... Not the subtle stuff.

Thanks everybody, your replies have given me food for thought as I genuinely hadn't perceived this as an abusive relationship

WHY would you keep this man in your lives? You owe your daughter so much more than this. Talk about confusing her! Move on and let her get her head straight, because he's obviously going to meet someone at some stage, and probably have his own kids, and your daughter will have no actual connection to this family then.

Right ok, thanks for the replies, like I said, food for thought.Donut there's really no need to be nasty though is there? As I said the abuse was subtle, not obvious, it did significantly reduce my self esteem and make me doubt myself a lot, so perhaps I made an error of judgement. I did it with the best of intentions though because I didn't want him to suddenly disappear from her life. Yes I realised/hoped contact would fizzle out gradually over a couple of years.Her real dad is very much a part of her life, he's lovely, he gets on well with the ex (although doesn't know what he was like with me) and has offered to let him visit dd at his house if I want to cut contact with him.