News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

The Holsworthy Mafia have just been informed that the Cornish Lifestyles and Information on Tourism Services or C.L.I.T.S for short, have exciting new plans to help boost tourism into the local area.

Cornwalls top tourist information service C.L.I.T.S, have announced bald new plans to bring more visitors into the area.

Vernon Arnold Garrison, head of the organization in control of C.L.I.T.S had this to say :- ” We here at C.L.I.T.S have been most disturbed at the lack of moaning we have heard on local forums about tourists (or emmets) in Cornwall this summer. We have also heard no one complaining about bad driving by Emmets, and no one complaining about abusive behaviour by Emmets. Most disturbingly we have heard no one saying how Emmets are vital to our local economy. We normally use the complaints about Emmets as a good indicator of how many tourists Cornwall is receiving each Summer. With the lack of these complaints to work with, we have had to think outside the box and look at new ways of bringing tourists into the area.

Upon analysis we realized that the internet has the answer to everything and we found that the most popular Websites use a system called ‘Captcha’ to attract people to their sites. Applying this logic to actual people and after speaking to the head of a famous Nigerian website ireallyamaprince.com we quickly decided to introduce the ‘Captcha’ checkpoints at all border points to increase visitor numbers. These ‘Captcha’ checkpoints should be installed by the end of November just in time for our busiest tourist season.”

He went on to say :- ” The ‘Captcha’ systems really are easy to use. We have not heard a single person say that they are annoying, frustrating or beyond maddening. So we believe these new checkpoints will encourage many more people to visit our stunning County. Obviously you won’t have to use these bastard beautiful things when leaving Cornwall and entering Devon”.

The Holsworthy mafia spoke to famous local Cornish resident Jeff Dahmer, who had this to say :- ” All I wont to know is if there is a slither of a sign in one box, do i click on that box? Because it doesn’t seem to matter if i do or i don’t, it never fucking works first time”