A young woman with funky purple hair styled into a punk rock mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing entered the ER c/o severe abdominal pain. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was placed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, “Keep off the grass.”

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient‘s dressing, which said, “Sorry, had to mow the lawn.”

A homeless guy came to the ER one night because he was living on the beach. I told him that is great and I wish I could live on the beach like him: no utilities, no stuff, nice climate, worst thing you worry about is rain and there is shelter nearby.

He became angry of course, until I gave him what he really wanted: a meal box, a Percocet, and prescription refills. Funny how that combination cures all things. Tell me again, how is your home situation my emergency?