An Unhappy Home – Sexually Abused by Dad

Sexually abused by Dad

Everyone left at around 10pm leaving my ex, my children and myself in the home, i took the two youngest children to bed, my eldest son followed us up the stairs. I went to bed leaving my ex and my eldest daughter downstairs alone, all of a sudden i was awoken abruptly by the bedroom light going on, my eldest daughter was standing crying uncontrollably next to my bed.

I jumped out of bed and placed my arm around her asking her what was the matter, I thought in my mind that her boyfriend had dumped her, she was so distraught, I had never in my life seen her like that, and i never want to again.

I knew it was something serious, she then went onto to tell me she was being sexually abused by her dad, and not just once. I was stunned and in shock and I froze. She said repeatedly, “you do believe me don’t you mam, I am not making it up” I instinctively knew she was in fact being sexually abused and not acting or lying, no one could be that distraught and be acting. I had no reason not to believe her just because her and her father had arguments, she had never ever accused him of anything like this before, even in her raging tempers.

I cuddled her into me, realising she was only a child of 16, I told her I believed her and asked her to follow me downstairs so i could confront her father, she did and we spoke to him together. To my shock and horror he calmly said “don’t be silly, I am going to bed”. I knew then that he was guilty, if that had been me accused of such a hideous thing i would have flipped and felt sick, not calmly went to bed.

I got all of my children together, I use the word ‘my’ instead of ours because at that moment I felt they were my children and not his, I didn’t want them to be his after this. I phoned my mother first and told her what had happened and that my daughter had disclosed that she had been sexually abused by her dad. Then another gut wrenching blow, “oh my god” my mother said “I am pleased she has told you because it is not the first time this has happened”.

I fell to my knees and asked my mother why on earth she hadn’t told me sooner, she said that my eldest daughter had told my sister in confidence, and said she would deny it if my sister told anyone or got any authorities involved. My daughter had worried about splitting our family up. But tonight, he had crossed the line which made her confess to me, she told me she was worried he would sexually abuse her younger sister and that she had seen the signs that he was showing similar interest in her now. Why did i not see the signs?

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Paul Parkin is an online counsellor, therapist and life coach. He is passionate about helping people reach their full potential and providing affordable online counselling to people everywhere via his counselling website Counsellors Online. Paul has worked as an online counsellor for the past 15 years and has worked in several counselling settings, including - National Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) the NHS. North East Council on Addictions (NECA) and Several telephone helplines including the Samaritans. See other posts by Paul Parkin or subscribe to his posts.

One Comment

My son is now 33 years old and has been injecting ‘Mcat’ (methadrone) no to be confused with methadone for about a year and a half now.

He has always experimented with drugs and alcohol but this latest adventure was going to kill him if I didn’t intervene.

I live in France and decided that I should ask him to come over here and get away from the city he was in. So many dealers, and friends that took drugs, he was surrounded by a destructive culture.

Luckily he decided to come across. I picked him up from the airport, very happy to see him but slightly worried about how his stay with me might turn out:

I am really happy to report that so far so good. He has not injected for over three weeks now and has been a pleasure to have here. He has had a few sleepless nights and other minor problems and is feeling a little down at the moment but nothing we cannot sort out. I would like him to stay for as long as it takes, but how long is a piece of string!

To add to his problems he was on probation in England and had to break this to come here but as a friend of mine said breaking probation is an offence, but he needed to do this to save his life so he had no choice as such;

When he goes back to England he will hand himself in and explain to the police why he left, I only hope people will be fair with him.

He hasn’t in some ways got a lot to look forward to. He can’t get a job here because of the language barrier and when he goes back to England he will be arrested (but he knew this). Hopefully they will just extend his probation and he will find a job. The most important thing for him to do at the moment it to stay off drugs and when he gets back to his home town this is going to be a big test for him.

He is an adult now, not a child and I will always be here for him no matter what.

I will keep in touch and let you know how he progresses, just hope and pray he sees his way though all this.