​On March 15, 2019 Terror took on a new identity by invading social media through Facebook. According to media reports such as the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC), Fox News and a plethora of other media outlets, a gunman who is now identified as 28-year- old Australian Brenton Tarrant opened fire inside the Al Noor, Mosque in New Zealand killing 49 people and wounding 48 human-beings. Tarrant streamed his terrifying attack for 17 minutes on Facebook which is a social media platform that many of us now use to connect with loved ones, view funny videos, and generally unwind. His intent was to convey his violent message swiftly. His motive it appears was not only to inflict physical harm, but to also inflict mental harm on as many individuals with his own erroneous beliefs by live-streaming his hate-fueled message.

For the people who lost their lives, not only was the safety of their Mosque invaded. A safe space where they gathered to worship . But in today's society, social media which offers a type of reprise from one’s problems was invaded. So, what happens when social media is hijacked by the ramblings of one is obviously filled with fear? You make a choice! You don’t allow a terrorist to dictate that choice to you.

You shut down your page, you choose not propagate hate, you choose to not have your safety invaded. You choose to process those feelings by listening, voicing and speaking about what it is those situations bring up for you.

Unfortunately for the people of Al Noor, Mosque, New Zealand who have lost their lives our sympathies go out to their families. To the surviving victims, we send hope, and strength for the recovery ahead. They too have a choice to continue to stand for their beliefs and not to allow the violence of others to shut them up or prevent them from worshiping.

​As a community, near or far, a hate crime such as this affects us in numerous ways, such as sadness, unexplained lack of sleep, anger, fear, irritability and even nightmares. If you feel unsafe, and would like to talk, please reach out, if you would like to set up a session.

PROGRESSIVE MUSCLE RELAXATIONProgressive Muscle Relaxation teaches you how to relax your muscles through a two-step process.

First, you systematically tense muscle groups in your body, Then you relax the muscle groups.

The progressive muscle relaxation exercise will help you to lower your overall tension and stress levels, and help you relax when you are feeling anxious. It can also help reduce physical problems such as stomachaches and headaches, as well as improve your sleep.

TIPS:

Set aside about 15 minutes to complete this exercise.

Find a place where you can complete this exercise without being disturbed.

For the first week or two, practice this exercise twice a day until you get the hang of it.

The better you become at it, the quicker the relaxation response will “kick in” when you need it!

You do not need to be feeling anxious when you practice this exercise. In fact, it is better first to practice it when you are calm. That way, it will be easier to do when feeling anxious.Getting readyFind a quiet, comfortable place to sit, then close your eyes and let your body go loose.

The first step is applying muscle tension to a specific part of the body.

This step is mostly the same regardless of which muscle group you are targeting.

First, focus on the target muscle group, for example, your left hand.

Next, take a slow, deep breath and squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for about 5 seconds. Feel the tension in the muscles, which may even cause a bit of discomfort or shake. In this instance, you would be making a tight fist with your left hand. Try to ONLY tense the muscles you are targeting. Isolating muscle groups get more comfortable with practice.Be Careful!Take care not to hurt yourself while tensing your muscles. You should never feel intense or shooting pain while completing this exercise.

Make the muscle tension deliberate, yet gentle. If you have problems with pulled muscles, broken bones, or any medical issues that would hinder physical activity, consult your doctor first.

STEP TWO: Relaxing the Tense Muscles

This step involves quickly relaxing the tensed muscles.

After about 5 seconds, let all the tightness flow out of the tensed muscles. Exhale as you do this step. You should feel the muscles become loose and limp, as the tension flows out. It is vital to very deliberately focus on and notice the difference between the tension and relaxation. Remain in this relaxed state for about 15 seconds, and then move on to the next muscle group.

Repeat the tension-relaxation steps. After completing all of the muscle groups, take some time to enjoy the deep state of relaxation.

Not so long ago, I reached what I would call my breaking point. It was scary, devastating, and well in retrospect embarrassing. I will tell you all about the day that I lost my mind, but first I want to tell you about how we got here first.

It all started with a much needed day to the store for some groceries, the fish store for a new beta, then to dairy queen for a blizzard, (of course) and then to the hardware store for a part that we had to get on the way home. So the kiddo and I get out to go to the hardware store. Then BAM! I am in an ambulance to the ER after falling over careless security cables.

Now my husband and I served most of our lives in the military and decided that we would stick to TRICARE, what most of the civilians would now call Obama care, primarily underfunded social medicine (strictly my opinion). We went through all of the workups, MRI’s X-rays, exams, PT, OT, medication only to learn that my shoulder and hip were getting worse.

Finally, I was ready to get my shoulder fixed finally. Thank goodness, because my hair was looking pretty bad. My hip will have to wait to prevent further damage to my shoulder. My surgeon would fix my shoulder. It turns out the MRI didn’t show the damage that was caused by the fall. It was much much worse. The doctor had to do a bunch of work to get it back to its original state. I recovered after many months of hard work. While I am working on healing my shoulder, I am still a mom, wife of a retiring Airman, and starting to grow my private practice. I am regularly told to continue to work on my PT and was prescribed different meds, most of which I cannot take while I am serving my patients. I also suffer from Lupus SLE, so this means I take low doses of various medications, some of which I can only take at night and still causes me to feel fatigued throughout the day. So not only am I strengthening my physical presence, but I am also working on keeping my brain from going into a dark place and trying to prevent depression from sneaking up on me. I would speak with my therapist on a regular basis and because I believe in meditation, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), and hypnosis I would spend time each day practicing what I preach. I just kept moving. I have found that not giving the physical pain a name I would not have to deal with it until I finally got to go to bed. I was refusing the pain to win.

Finally! Finally, my shoulder is healed enough to please my surgeon, and he says let’s get that hip fixed. Thank God I think! I can’t wait. Well, he can only do so many surgeries so often so six more weeks. During this time we are fast approaching my one year anniversary of my fall. My daughter has been patiently waiting to get her mommy back, and my business needs my full attention and my husband well let’s face it, he deserves some of that attention too. I am now just counting down the days to my surgery.

I am so ready for this surgery. I will be able to lose some of this weight I have gained and then perhaps get myself feeling normal again. I bought the outfits that won’t irritate my hip, got the food ordered, recruited helpers for the kiddo, closed my practice and so on. Then guess what, Tricare says it’s not approved due to lack of evidence. This is where you would hear the window break in the movies. My heart is broken. I feel like I have zero control. Tricare was just contracted to Humana, and guess what; they don’t have access to any of my records. They decide that a renowned orthopedic surgeon is not capable of determining what is medically necessary. Hip surgery in their eyes is not medically necessary.

This is where my mind lost control of its thoughts and became unhinged.

It all started innocently enough. Tell the doctor to call Tricare and tell them they should approve it. Then I begin to yell at the scheduler thinking they waited too long to start the process because anyone who has worked with Tricare knows a few days is not long enough. Then I tell my husband, look we will use our savings and work it out later with insurance. Well, that is not an option because the hospital refuses that as they need to have an appeal submitted, then that to be denied. Well now it is a battle between two systems that disagree, and they both don’t seem to mind to make me wait to be pain-free. Oh lord is this frustrating. By the end of day three of yelling, crying, and just plain feeling like I have no control. I am now in more pain than before. The reason is straightforward; it’s because I was on the road to recovery and then they took that away from me. I felt like the hospital and Tricare didn’t know what they took from me. I had shut down my practice in anticipation of the surgery; people depend on me to be there for them. My husband took time from work, we had to incorporate others to help with our daughter, and finally, they took away more of my time from my family. I began to understand Judge Schriber and his nervous illness from a first-hand point of view. I went straight into a dark place and wanted to crawl into bed to never return to reality.

Then I realized I don’t have Carl Jung or Dr. Freud as my therapists. I don’t have the luxury of retreating to a state of the art mental health hospital. I have a practice; I have a daughter, I have a husband that all need me to be present in my every being. With the opioid epidemic, I am not going to receive pain management because I follow the rules and don’t seek medications, besides I wouldn’t take them anyway, I like to think, prepare, write, and let’s face it have fun. So I sat in my dark space for a few days and then I started to attack things reasonably.

This does not mean that Tricare or the hospital is right. I am not saying that I agree with their practices, and I will be taking this up with our congress (they are the ones who approve who has the contracts with Tricare). I will still appeal and work until I get the surgery. I will work hard to get what I need to be done.

I wanted you to know that I understand how easy it is to go to your dark spot. I also know how easy it is to want to stay in that dark spot. I also want you to know that even your therapist, religious leaders, teachers, doctors, police people, EVERYONE has a dark place that is easily accessible. I also think it’s important to know that you can come back out of that dark spot, it just takes a lot of energy and determination.

​By the way, as of the writing of this, I am still waiting for Tricare to decide if my pain is worthy of a medically necessary hip repair. Fingers crossed they figure it out soon. Or the hospital allows me to self-pay. Here’s to hoping a system figures out how to help me.

I hope this finds you well and please feel free to comment on the post.

These are my favorite apps. I am continually adding apps, and when I find one I like, I tell everyone about it. I don’t care for apps that cost money. I do love simple and fun apps. At the time of this writing 2/1/18, these apps were free and worked for Android. The descriptions are from the websites if available. Tell me what you think and what apps you enjoy.

Please remember these apps are not designed to replace a trained practitioner.

Smiling Mind

https://www.smilingmind.com.au/Smiling Mind is modern meditation, a unique web and app-based program developed by psychologists and educators to help bring balance to people’s lives. What a great way to practice being Mindful

MindShift

https://www.anxietybc.com/resources/mindshift-appStruggling with anxiety? Tired of missing out? There are things you can do to stop anxiety and fear from controlling your life. MindShift™ is an app designed to help teens and young adults cope with anxiety. It can help you change how you think about anxiety. Rather than trying to avoid anxiety, you can make an important shift and face it.

What’s my M3

https://whatsmym3.com/You can use this app to understand how to take the necessary steps to get control of your mental health.

10% Happier

http://www.10percenthappier.com/mindfulness-meditation-the-basics/I love this app as it helps you gently ease into mindfulness and meditation. It particularly helps those of us who find it hard to focus.

Breathe 2 Relax

http://t2health.dcoe.mil/apps/breathe2relaxLower your stress and reduce your anxiety with Breathe2Relax. Initially designed for the military community but beneficial for use by anyone, the relaxation app trains you on the “belly breathing” technique that has proven benefits for your overall mental health. Use the app’s breathing exercises to learn and practice the breathing technique on your own or as part of a stress management program supervised by your healthcare provider. Maybe you've been managing anxiety with apps for a while now, and you think it might be time to go deeper and make a counseling appointment. Contact me by clicking the button below. It would be an honor to accompany you on your journey.

There are only 13 days left of 2017.As we embark on the last couple of weeks of 2017 many things come to mind.

First, I want to thank everyone for their trust and hard work as we get closer to the optimal and authentic you.

Second, during this time we think of the loved ones we lost through this journey in life.

Third, we begin the preparations of the busiest two weeks of the year.

Get More InformationLiving for today onlyI know some of you wonder how you made it through the year alive. Some of your loved ones did not. I know some of you are hoping for an easier and better 2018. These hopes and aspirations are only achievable through living in the present and not worry about the past or the future.

How to embark on 2018.I know some of you wonder how you made it through the year alive. Some of your loved ones did not. I know some of you are hoping for an easier and better 2018. These hopes and aspirations are only achievable through living in the present and not worry about the past or the future.

Another way to harness the power of being present is to notice the world around you.

Put cell phone down or away.

Notice the smells, sites, and feeling of the world around you.

Do some people watching, or animal watching, depending on where you are.

Engage with the world around you in a physical way.

Talk to someone

Pet the animal

Smell the flowers

Speak to the cashier

Help a friend

Help a stranger

Take note of your experience

Start over

One last thing.The last suggestion is to write to our loved ones who have long gone. When someone passes it is rare that they do so in a manner that allows for completion. Often there is something we wish we could say. There may be something that we wish we could do. In many theological settings writing a prayer, note, or worry down and burning it sends the message to the higher being or to the loved one. So this option I will help you by on December 24, 2017 I will burn the letters that are presented to me.

Write a letter to the loved one who left you behind.

Burn it, or send it to me and I will burn it.

Write your worries down.

Burn it or send it to me and I will burn it.

Next Grief Support is December 20 at 6:30 pm45 Hanover Street, Pemberton NJ 08068

September is the official suicide awareness month, but I got an article written by a colleague that I felt compelled to share with you.

Suicidal Thoughts And Prevention: A Guide For Your Loved One -- Jennifer ScottNeed help now? You are not alone--reach out:

SAMHSA (for substance abuse): 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Crisis text line: Text “start” to 741-741

Veterans crisis line: Text to 828255

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Suicide affects thousands of families every year, across many age groups and seemingly without discrimination when it comes to race, sex, or social standing. For many who suffer from depression and anxiety, suicide can seem like the only way out. It’s not necessarily that they want to die; it’s that they want the pain to end.

It’s important for us to understand that the reasons behind suicide are varied and very complicated and that when suicidal thoughts occur, it’s almost always very difficult to stop them or find a way around them. For those who have a strong support system of family and friends, it’s a little easier, but it can sometimes still be very difficult for a person who is having suicidal thoughts to reach out, especially if there are issues like substance abuse--which can lead to feelings of shame--involved.

For these individuals, having a guide that friends and family can refer to in emergencies or when they need some help in learning prevention practices can be extremely helpful. Read on to find out how you can help your loved one when they need it the most.

Know what to do in an emergency

If your loved one is displaying suicidal tendencies and you feel they need help right away, there are many resources you can refer to. Depending on their specific situation, you may need to look for other hotlines or websites that pertain to their needs.

SAMHSA (for substance abuse): 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Crisis text line: Text “start” to 741-741

Veterans crisis line: Text to 828255

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

If your loved one is violent, threatening self-harm, threatening to hurt someone else or has to access to a gun or other weapons, call 911 immediately and stay near (in a safe place) until help comes.

Understand the facts

If your loved one is showing symptoms of depression or other mood disorders, urge them to

Suicide is often associated with winter months, but spring is the most common time of year for death by suicide to occur. Some people are able to talk about their feelings well before they ever begin to consider suicide, but with others, there is no notice at all. It can be difficult to talk about something that you can’t put into words, and many individuals who battle depression don’t understand why they feel the way they do.

There is a stigma surrounding suicide that leads some people to believe that those who take their own lives are selfish or are thinking only of themselves. In reality, many people who die by suicide were grappling with the idea that their friends and family would be better off if they were not around. It’s hard to see the truth when you are inside that dark cloud of thoughts, and the depression can make it seem like death is the only thing that will make the pain go away.seek counselingright away.

Prevention strategies

Knowing how to cope with suicidal thoughts when they occur and having a prevention plan in mind can help greatly, so sit down with your loved one and talk about the best ways for them to stay healthy. This can include daily exercise, eating right, and practicing self-care. Therapy and counseling--including group sessions--can also be extremely helpful.

Talk about how to recognize those dark thoughts as soon as they occur and the best way to separate them from other thoughts. This can be achieved through mindfulness, or meditation and yoga, and can help an individual take control of their thoughts.

Remember that suicide is a difficult thing even for experts to understand, and it will take some patience on your part to try and help a loved one who is battling those thoughts. Take one day at a time and offer your support no matter what.

Summer is Winding DownFirst, I haven't been writing. I have a good excuse though :-) I fell down and got hurt pretty bad. My right hand (I am right handed) was only slightly damaged. Thanks to physical therapy, the swelling has gone down enough, and the pain managed sufficiently to write again- I am elated!!!!

I was browsing on FaceBook today and someone had the nerve to post how many days until Christmas! (122 days in case you were trying to figure that out). So I got to thinking oh my, that is only 122 days to save, plan, and buy for the most expensive time of year. Oh I mean, the most wonderful time of year.

For those of you local, I will be holding a very limited engagement financial class (only 20 tickets will be sold, and I only have a few left). We will learn how to live debt free! If you know me at all you know that I always feel that we spend too much energy on one aspect of our lives and not the whole person, so even in this one time class we will stick to the whole person concept and address the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of spending. The financial class will be much more than a financial planning class, and this will help you in all aspects of your life.

The class will be held at 45 Hanover St. Pemberton NJ 08068. It will be over lunch, so bring a bag lunch! The class will go for six weeks starting September 13, 2017, and will only cost $100 (Materials are included) If you CLICK Here I will send you an invoice and you will receive $10 off and your tickets!!!!

For those of you not so close I am working with a company to bring this class to you - write me if you want more info and if you want to be in on the information for this class. CLICK HERE to Sign up for updates

I must warn you, that you might sleep better, lose weight, smile more, have more free time, enjoy the holidays, and have less anxiety.

Are you losing your marbles?I apologize for the delay in the monthly update. Things have been a bit hectic at SeSolutions to say the least. So much exciting things are taking place, but first let's talk Marbles.

In the interest of a happy and healthy 2017, the Shadmans started a yoga class together. If you have ever tried to find a class for a family with a young person attached then you know this can be a process. Alas we found one that is calm, patient, and kind. When I mentioned my seven year old will be joining us, she didn't even bat an eye.

This yogi opened our first class with a notion of trust. What a novel concept I thought. She wasn't referring to trusting others, she was referring to trusting oneself. Alright, I know that isn't all that novel of an idea, we speak about trust all the time. If you ever visit me via phone, skype, or in my office then trust is all around us. What about inside you?

Before we get too deep I want to define trust when it comes to inner trust. We know we trust ourselves when we can make good healthy decisions. We know we trust ourselves when we can feel confident and healthy. Brene Brown uses the acronym BRAVINGB-BoundariesR-ReliabilityA-AccountabilityV-VaultI-IntegrityN-Non-JudgementG-Generosity (Grace)

A lifetime ago I was going through a tough time. I said, "I feel like I am loosing my marbles." Well my friend surprised me with a giant box of marbles. It made me smile as her and I shared a great sense of humor. In fact many of you have one of my marbles in your pocket now.

Fast forward to today, we know that when we are stressed out we don't make great decisions, we don't eat well, we don't stay hydrated, we lose sleep, in essence losing our marbles. We questions every decision, doubt judgment, make mistakes and damage relationships. So in 2017 let's learn ways to better trust ourselves.

There is an African saying, "Be careful in trusting the person who offers you a shirt when he is naked."

That saying involves trusting another person. Not necessarily trusting yourself. At times we encounter an indecision. This indecision is so difficult that we begin to question our own abilities. Often it is hard to make a decision on our own because if it is the wrong decision then we have no one to blame but ourselves. Perhaps we don't have confidence in ourselves due to internal dialogue. Perhaps, we don't want to admit we already know the truth. Perhaps we just don't have enough information, leading to fear and anxiety.

I want you to know you have all the information you need to trust yourself. You have know yourself all your life. No need for further anxiety trust yourself and your decisions.

If you still need help with that internal dialogue let me know if your need help on how you can fine tune your skills to be more trusting of yourself and make great decisions for yourself.

​We have made it to month two of 2017! Now that we are reaching the turning point of New Year’s resolutions, let’s work on things that can actually stick for the New Year.

Have you noticed that the world is noisy? Have you been inundated with information overload? Between the news, Facebook, Snap Chat, Twitter, work, school, traffic, chores, socializing, and if you have children, them too. Many of us have trouble being quiet, because it is not something that is afforded to us on a regular basis.

So for the month of February, find a quiet, calm spot in your home or office and take ten minutes of your day to just be quiet. No phone calls, snap chat, Facebook, google, etc. Just remain quiet. If you have thoughts that won’t leave you alone, take your journal and just write them down. Once they are written down, you don’t need to think about them ever again, because they are written down for you to remember.

Statistics show that by the sixth week in to a new routine, people simply give up on them. In my experience many people just try to change everything about their lives at once. We also tend to try to change things that we have zero control over. Well this is like trying to weave a basket under water and breath. Just give yourself some credit, and reward yourself with peace. Try to find your new habits one at a time, there is plenty of time to achieve a healthy calm life.

If you have children or pets that interrupt you, try to do it when they are not around or otherwise occupied, or with children, teach this skill to them. Our world is very noisy and this skill will help even your children to find their inner voice and relax.

Once you have mastered ten minutes, try to add five minutes here and there. For my over achievers, unless you are a Tibetan Monk there is no need to sit quietly for the entire day. Just enough time to quiet your mind, regain control of your emotions, and get ready for the next task.

Happy New Year!The month is only half over and so I know some of you have put your New Year’s resolution into full swing. Some of you may be struggling a bit. A long time ago I decided that instead of giving something up, I would work on something for me, my family, or my world.Forbes says that only 8% of us will keep our resolution for more than 6 months.

So I want to ask you what your resolution is. How do you plan to keep it? Reply to me and tell me!

If you need help working on a tangible goal that you will actually keep let me know.

Some ideas might include

Ask for help more

Treat my mental health as importantly as I do other aspects of my life

Take better care of myself

Spend more time with family

Smile more

According to Statistic BrainTop 10 New Year’s resolutions for 2017Lose Weight / Healthier Eating 21.4%Life / Self Improvements 12.3%Better Financial Decisions 8.5%Quit Smoking 7.1%Do more exciting things 6.3%Spend More Time with Family / Close Friends 6.2%Work out more often 5.5%Learn something new on my own 5.3%Do more good deeds for others 5.2%Find the love of my life 4.3Find a better job 4.1%Other 13.8%

News Years Resolution StatisticsPercent of Americans who usually make New Year's Resolutions 41 %Percent of Americans who infrequently make New Year's Resolutions 17 %Percent of Americans who absolutely never make New Year's Resolutions 42 %Percent of people who felt they were successful in achieving their resolution 9.2 %Percent who have infrequent success 48.4 %Percent who never succeed and fail on their resolution each year 42.4 %People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don't explicitly make resolutions