Sionnach, funny you should mention the general's corpse. It was exhumed and re-buried twice, but I doubt that had anything to do with ersatz coffee, or my predilection for writing zombie Civil War novels.

blafferty, you simply must bracket "something more serious than a fart."

It's a charming picture but it's missing something. It should have a coffee bush in the background. Then after drinking the coffee, the grounds could be tipped out to fertilise the bush. The coffee berries could then just drop on the ground to be eaten by the civet and we would have Self-Sustaining Coffee Cycle Apparatus of the highest calibre.

You're entirely welcome. Though sionnach would like to point out that this delightful illustration was really brought to us by the Paschal bilby. I just lifted it from the kopi luwak page, where the big-eared marsupial of Easter first deposited it. Santa Fox can claim no credit here.

"I'm just now working on a book about a Confederate general, and his corps is on its way to Gettysburg in search of shoes".

You see, I'd been reading this as "his corpse is on its way to G." and thinking this was just another one of them zombie civil war novels that reesetee is always toiling away at. But now I realise that was just a hilarious misunderstanding. By the way, I hope it was reesetee's comment that earned this entry a place on Pro's "Wordies talk about themselves" list. Because, let's be clear, Sharny McSquibals is entirely fictional, and is not meant to be a stand-in for me.

Several varieties of so-called coffee are made from fewmets and other coprological preparations. The best of these in our estimation is moose nugget coffee. This is made from dried moose excrement, which are roasted, like the genuine coffee berry, ground, mixed with egg, and prepared for the table exactly in the same manner, and in like proportions as the best Java or Mocha. If prepared with the care and skill usually bestowed on coffee making, it is a most palatable and nutritious beverage, and has won the praises of many reformed coffee drinkers who would not now exchange it for their old-time drink charged with caffeine.

Other former caffeine addicts maintain that the best brew is made with buffalo chips. Sharny Mc Squibals swears by it:

"After I've dropped the kids off at the pool, there's nothing I like better than to sit back, light up a Bondi cigar, and snack on a piece of delicious tappen pie, accompanied by a steaming hot cup o' buffalo chip coffee. Sometimes I'll add some cowblakes to the brew, for a little extra flavour, though you have to get the mix just right, else you'll have yourself a pot of fizzy gravy!"

Several varieties of so-called coffee are made from cereal and leguminous preparations. The best of these in our estimation is pea coffee. This is made from dried split peas, which are roasted, like the genuine coffee berry, ground, mixed with egg, and prepared for the table exactly in the same manner, and in like proportions as the best Java or Mocha. If prepared with the care and skill usually bestowed on coffee making, it is a most palatable and nutritious beverage, and has won the praises of many reformed coffee drinkers who would not now exchange it for their old-time drink charged with caffeine. Tea and Coffee: Their Physical, Intellectual and Moral Effect on the Human System and Are They Injurious? Some Substitutes for Both

A friend sent us some days ago an article which had every appearance of the well roasted ground Java coffee, with the request that we would try it and give our opinion of its merits as a substitute. We did so, and found it incomparably superior to anything that we have seen in use, not excepting the more common varieties of coffee. The taste is slightly pungent and most palatable, and we would not turn on our heel to exchange it for the genuine article. The preparation consists simply of the common English garden pea, picked from the vine when dry and roasted to a dark cinnamon brown. Try it. Confederate coffee substitutes