13 Ways to Tell if You Are An Unlucky Neopian

Ever find yourself frequently having a rendezvous with the Pant Devil? Or noticing on your 100th go on Kiss the Mortog that not once have you ever gone to the next round? Well, contrary to what you thought, it wasn’t quite the bad day that you’d classified it as.

No, you see, you are one of the elite Neopians who happen to carry the unlucky gene around with them! That’s right, you are no ordinary Neopian; no, you are an ‘Unlucky Neopian™’!

But how do you tell whether you really are an ‘Unlucky Neopian™’, or just having a bad day? Well, that’s where I come in; you see, today I am going to be your “Techo Master” and help you to understand which side of the fine line between ‘Unlucky Neopian™’ and ‘Just Having a Bad Day’ you belong to! All you have to do is to simply read through the list and if 6 or more of the following incidents have ever happened to you, then you are officially an ‘Unlucky Neopian™’ so read on!

1) On your very first day on Neopets, you manage to land on the dreaded ‘Skeleton’ symbol on the ‘Wheel of Excitement’. Poor Fluffy will have to be stuck with a severe case of the Hoochie Coochies until you can manage enough money to buy the all important Hoochie Coochie Tablets to cure him. Of course, not having discovered the Soup Faerie yet, you have no money at all to feed poor Fluffy either, causing your pet to be diseased and starving. Great start, especially when the staff at the Neohospital think that you are starving your neopet.

2) After having an hour long session playing Snow Wars 2 and finally being defeated, Fluffy just can’t leave it and shouts out to one of those angry looking Snow Beasts, “At least I don’t throw like a girl!” Back to the Neohospital we go...

3) Fluffy makes a very powerful enemy with the Soup Faerie after explaining that Dr. Sloth could make better broth than hers. And yes, you still have less than 2,000 neopoints.

4) After what seems like 2000 tickets, you finally manage to win the Neopian lottery, but it just so happens that on the day you finally manage it, a record breaking 231 other Neopians have as well. It is here you realise that in total, you have probably spent about 50 times of the amount of neopoints you received on buying tickets for this lousy game alone.

5) The Tombola Man actually laughs at you when on the 24th day running you pick a rubbish ticket and don’t even get a booby prize.

6) King Skarl tells you after you have spent the last 6 hours making up a joke for him, that your joke was positively the worst one he has ever heard in his life and that you should definitely stick to your day job because you are about as funny as the Grey Faerie after finding out that her precious petpet Magaral was used for one of Jhudora’s potions. You have to cover Fluffy’s mouth here remembering that Skarl has certain ‘friends’ you wouldn’t want to mess with...

7) You use up your whole afternoon trying to get something at the Money Tree and then after many hours only get a pile of dung which is then stolen from you by the Pant Devil.

8) Subsequent to you trying everything your Meepit can do, Turmaculus finally wakes up but only to eat Fluffy’s ‘best and only friend’, Waffle. Fluffy then goes on to insist that since you are still in Meridell you should try your luck at Turdle Racing. Not winning even once, Fluffy starts screeching her lungs out saying she wants a Turdle and now. You remind her that an hour ago, she was crying about how ‘Nothing could ever replace Waffle’. Fluffy then uses the ‘Don’t you want me to be happy?!’ card in front of a now gathering crowd. As you jump into the arena to try and steal Smelly the Turdle, the Turdles gang up on you! Man! Turdles sure do bite hard!

9) For a holiday break, you take Fluffy to Faerie Castle. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the week-end that you are there, the hotel over-books! Oh, but the bad news doesn’t stop here! After Fluffy makes a scene in the lobby, the charming faerie at the reception desk feels sorry for you and offers to put you in a shared room. The room isn’t so bad, but the neopet on the top bed of the bunk you share happens to be a very smelly Grarrl. Who snores.

10) You have spent the last 3 years saving up for a Baby Paintbrush, (not that Fluffy needs this since she already acts like one... ) and as you go up the winding steep steps to the Hidden Tower you finally clasp your hands on this long awaited item! But, upset that you chose to do a quest for Illusen instead of her, Jhudora gets her revenge! That’s right, spying you with the paintbrush; Jhudora just can’t resist and calls out at the top of her voice, “SOMEONE QUICK! THIS PERSON IS TRYING TO STEAL THIS BABY PAINTBRUSH!”. As you are chased out of the building, (with the whole of Faerieland now watching from their windows) you finally run through the entrance door only to be greeted by the Faerie Queen herself... with her favourite and most powerful “Yoyo of death”. You then explain your story, if there even is one, and it is only when you threaten to sue that they let you go with the warning, “Never, ever, ever, ever step inside Faerie City again, or you’re toast!” Looks like Fluffy will just have to settle with a Christmas Paintbrush...

11) Whilst at the Deserted Fairground, you and Fluffy have a go at Test your Strength. You somehow manage to not even get up to Useless and get the grand total of -28. The Mynci running the stand starts laughing so loudly, that a nearby photographer hears him and goes to see what all the fuss is about. Of course, knowing your luck, the Mynci explains all and the photographer takes your picture and displays it on a large poster. This is then stuck on every lamppost in the Haunted Woods with large, black print with the title on it saying ‘Neopia’s Weakest’ and your charming picture underneath. Super.

12) You are enjoying a relaxing afternoon at Mystery Island’s Beach, when out of the blue Dr. Sloth appears, accompanied by several of his minions, Dr. Sloth then proceeds to turn your Cornupepper Jelly into a pile of sludge. It is not so much the Cornupepper Jelly being turned into sludge that you mind, but just the fact that he and his minions kick sand in your face as he leaves that gets you down... and that he didn’t even give you the avatar.

13) You actually receive a neomail from someone with the subject being, ‘Declaration of War’. Oh joy.

Thank you to anyone who read this and I would love some feedback - good, bad and ugly.

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