What actually helps: PAWS

P

Patience – Times will change, tides will turn, storms will pass, new beginnings will be born.

A

Awareness – that all things are temporary.

W

Wisdom – that you know you will be happy again.

S

Self-Love – A consistent practice of self-love and self-care. (Look for Self-care tips next week).

All of these things build Resilience. When you are resilient, you don’t give up. You may rest, when you need to rest. You may surrender to the Universe and release control. But you always come back, stronger than before.

The world is filled with so many things. There are so many things that can grab your attention.

You are not limited to the circling thoughts in your mind.

New beginnings are born each day.

(Like these little kitty cats)

So back to those “think positive” internet memes. They do help. But only when they are part of a thought out, planned and performed lifestyle of self-care, self-love and self-acceptance.

Being present just means being all in and connecting with the reality of the moment that you are in. In this current moment, the past is gone and the future hasn’t occurred. All you have is this moment. Say to yourself, “I am here now, this is my moment.” Allow all of the filters you see through dissolve. See yourself as this human being experiencing life, you are an expression of existence manifesting in this moment. Look around you, breathe the air, notice the scents and smells. Using your vision, notice the texture of things, study the objects around you, the living beings and creatures around you. We are consciousness expressed in this living form. Touch something. Utilize all of your senses. You are not a victim to this world, you are this world. You are an expression of the creator, of the creation of all things. You are worthy of life, of happiness and joy.

When you connect with what you are doing and when you are all in, blocks dissolve, anxiety disappears and wonderment fills your heart.

Activate all 5 senses

You can do one sense at a time, or just focus on one, two, or your choice.

I tell myself time is an illusion. I am here, it is now, and I embrace everything in this moment.

What you can do if your present moment sucks:

(Examples: you’re at a mind-numbing job, you are under the weather, you are upset, you are hurt…)

Learn and practice the art of patience. This too shall pass.

Have the wisdom to know that you have to make a change and start planning and taking steps.

Embrace that everything is temporary.

Embrace that there is wisdom to be gained, lessons to be learned, in all moments in life, even the sucky ones.

Some moments seem meaningless, for example, “what’s the point of having to go through pain, boredom, sickness, etc.” As humans we are not immune to playing the waiting game, getting frustrated, being bored, being under the weather, etc. Sometimes we just have to power through and try to make the best of it. My Bluetooth is my best friend. If I am stuck somewhere waiting, I pop it on, and stream satellite radio, or an audiobook or YouTube videos. Or I whip out my journal or play a game on my tablet. Some moments are more complex than that, and may take a little more creativity, but you get the idea. The main point is that nothing lasts forever. And just imagine the wonderful relief and feeling of gratitude when the sucky moments finally pass. If you are in an unbearable place, use what you can to relieve your pain, try self-soothing techniques. Remember to acknowledge what you are feeling, don’t resist and push away your feelings. Comfort yourself like you would a small child. Many times in life, we have to push through discomfort to get to comfort.

I believe in the scales.

Someone told me once, when I was feeling incredibly down, that as low I am now, I will be equally as high in the future. Life balances out, so if you are very low, expect to be very high soon.

I liked that. I kept that vision with me as I go through hard times. And my life has had up and downs.

I have perfected the art of the Bounce Back. This is why I am Resilient.

Your present moment awareness can be transitioned into a meditation practice.

Try this: Forget about chants, yoga, meditation cushions, guided meditations, and anything that you may have perceived about meditation.

Think of meditation as you just getting used to yourself and your mind. Just sit or walk with yourself and notice everything about you. Notice your thoughts and feelings. All meditation is learning about yourself and how you operate consciously. You get to know your frequent thoughts. You get to know your knee jerk reactions. You are witness to your filters and perceptions. You observe yourself, like a scientist observes things under a microscope. After observing yourself many times, you are no longer shocked by strange thoughts that come through your mind. You are no longer a prisoner to recurring negative chatter. You start to gain control over thoughts and you learn to navigate the vast sea of consciousness. It just takes time and commitment to be a witness to your existence and a desire to be more in touch with your mind and body. It’s choosing awareness. Awareness brings gratitude, and gratitude brings happiness. So just sit with yourself, in quiet. And observe.

My little hawk I spent an hour with while he rested from a wing injury. He is a resilient amazing fighter. Love you buddy. He didn’t give up.

Life can beat you up sometimes. But you don’t have to be its victim.

But I get it, sometimes you need to rest your weary head. You need a break. We all need a minute, an hour, a week and maybe even more. It is OK. But don’t rest for too long and leave yourself susceptible to more knockdowns and abuse. Don’t embrace victimhood. It’s doesn’t suit you, it doesn’t serve you.

Victim thinking allows you to shirk responsibility. If you blame someone or something else, then it is not your fault. Thinking like a victim does not serve you in the long run. Yes, someone may hurt you, something unjust may happen to you. But if you continue in the role of victim, you will not have any power. You will not be responsible for yourself, you will be at the mercy of others. That is not a strong person. That is not a resilient person. That is not an empowered person.

The way to get out of victim thinking is “action”. Be in the present moment, make a decision, and act. A sense of meaning or purpose can get you out of that mindset. You can focus on a goal. Completion of goals will bring up your sense of self-worth and raise your self-esteem.

If you need help and feel like you are trapped and subject to everything around you, try this mental shift:

The persecutors, the abusers, the situations that cause you to feel like a victim – View them as challenges. View them as something to overcome, something to face and win, something to fight and become a victor over. These things are placed in your path, not to drag you down and make you feel like shit. They are there to build up your ass-kicking muscle.

Life can get tough, I get it. People can be jerks. Jobs can suck. Hours and minutes tick away and you are exhausted. You struggle. Sometimes life beats you down. We don’t always get what we want. Diseases happen, medical emergencies happen, relationships come and go. But take a look inside you. Deep down, there is a fighter in there. There is a beautiful little resilient spirit that wants to keep going. It wants to be brave, it wants to show up and it wants to kick major ass.

Nourish that spirit inside of you. Little by little, babystep by babystep, feed that fledging inside of you. It wants to fly.

In the vast terrain of self-esteem building, there are many topics to explore. This week we are focusing on Victim Thinking.

Victim thinking is when you believe you are at the effect of something. Something is holding a power over you. You view only limited options and feel trapped.

In order to stop thinking like a victim, you first need to start embracing responsibility for yourself.

Practice radical responsibility by understanding you are responsible for everything in your life. If you are with an abusive partner, you do not blame them for being abusive to you, it is your responsibility to take action toward a resolution.

You can play the blame game and remain stagnant in your situation. Or you can make a choice. What can you do today, right now, to improve your situation?

If you are in a state of fear, it is OK. It’s normal and natural. We all experience fear. If you need to take a brave step, remember that it is just a step. You take one step today, and then take another step tomorrow.

Let’s practice. Commit this week to take one brave action step each day until next Wednesday. You only need to be brave for one minute, two minutes; however long it takes for this step you’ve chosen. If it’s a tough conservation, that should only be a few minutes. If it’s a trip to the gym, that should be the 5 minutes it takes to put on your gym clothes and start your car. Take that first step. You only need to be brave for those first few minutes and then you are done. Tomorrow, we take another step.

You don’t have to brave 24 hours a day

After taking your brave step today, go ahead and celebrate yourself with some self-soothing activity. Take 5 minutes or longer, here are some suggestions: