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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Dear friend,
I went to the video store to rent a new release. The
particular film I was looking for wasn't available, so I brought home the DVD
of THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER. I had been curious about it since it
hit theaters a couple of years ago, but other films kept getting in the way.
Now there wasn't any other film, just this one. Suffice it to say,
after watching it twice I knew I had to read the book immediately.

Thankfully my public library had a copy of Stephen Chbosky's 1999
novel. While checking it out, I told the librarians about the film.
One said that the teens have really enjoyed the book. She didn't
say this in a mean way, as if I should feel stupid reading teen-oriented
fiction as an adult. I think she just wanted me to know that people have
said positive things about it.

Well, it didn't take me too long to read this insightful novel.
Sometimes I related to the main character, which might be a little weird.
I don't know. Charlie is 15 and I am far removed from that age, but
maybe it shows the author touched upon some basic human experiences and
emotions.

All I know for certain is that I really wish this book would have
been available when I was 15. And that everyone could use friends like
Sam and Patrick, though whomever we meet in life should be enough to make us
feel infinite.

then i send it away
movement resuming
catching a breath
and finding my voice
filling up my interior
with whatever it needs
eyes seeing life
all too clearly
pretending everything is fine
waiting for doubt to return

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

He opens his eyes to dirt and
darkness, but it's not darkness to him. Each speck of dirt pressing
against his hazel eyes can be seen and that's not all. Surrounding him on
all sides is life. Underground bugs and deep burrowing earthworms, yet, there
is something else. Something waiting. This knowledge, and an
aversion to the slithering, crawling lower lifeforms, propels him upwards.
A seemingly endless amount of dirt collapses upon him as he digs
toward the surface. There is no sensation of claustrophobia or
suffocation, just a feeling of someone waiting. He isn't sure how he
knows what he knows, especially since his memory is in question, but he knows
it to be true.
Sunlight greets him as he pulls himself out of the dirt.
No, not sunlight. Moonlight, yet he can see the surroundings
clearly, as it the land is highlighted by the noonday sun. Peculiar
indeed, but what shouldn't be peculiar is where he now finds himself.
Headstone after headstone after headstone for as far as his extraordinary
eyes can see. He knows what he is, but not how he came to be.
"Well, I was beginning to think dawn would break before you
decided to come topside."
He turns to the somewhat sarcastic feminine voice, to the one who
has been impatiently waiting for him. She is sitting on top of an old
massive headstone, managing a look of extreme interest and exquisite boredom.
Her hair, tied back in a ponytail, is natural sexbomb blond and her
vaguely smiling lips are as red as, well, blood. A stunning figure cuts
beneath the seemingly inappropriate nighttime cemetery-wear of a peach
sundress. Long, slender legs swing back and forth, as the backs of sturdy
peach sandals bang against the name of Victor Danton. Somewhere from the
depths of his murky memory, he finds his last words.
"You saved me?"
Victor Danton receives a reprieve as her peach sandals come to a
halt. Typically the first words out of a newbie's mouth are "what
happened" or "I'm thirsty" or just a stupidly confused moan.
This one must be something different, at least compared to her previous
attempts.
"Technically, I did save you, so to speak."
He reaches into the murkiness once again, sifting through
fleeting images, words and emotions, until he finds confusing truth.
Multiple vacant eyes approaching, staggering, mouths agape.
Dropping his weapon, giving up on the situation and life in general.
"I didn't want to be saved."
"True, you didn't seem to desire a rescue," she nearly
whispers, vividly recalling the sullen moment.
A few questions come to mind, but he chooses the first, "Why
did you?"
Her peach sandals begin kicking the deceased Danton again, with a
nervous verve. "I was thirsty and bored. Why did you want to
destroy yourself?"
Snippets of images illuminate through murky memories. A
building, full of them, whoever 'them' are. Sitting in a pick-up truck
with...someone. Then a voice, not his own and almost inaudible, "One
more and then it will be time." Suddenly, a blinding flash, followed
by an overwhelming sensation of nothing to live for, nothing to push him
forward.
"I was alone."
"You were and now you are not." She gracefully
dismounts the headstone, ponytail swishing, and draws closer, fascinated by her
handiwork. "What else do you remember?"
"Jumbled images." He looks down and notices his
distinct attire. "Was I a soldier?"
"Every human is a soldier now. Thankfully, they are
not after the likes of us."
"What are they after?" he asks, curiosity peaked.
"The living dead."
"Isn't that what we are?"
"No. We are the undead. Zombies are the living
dead."
He recalls his suicide attempt full of vacant eyes and gaping
mouths and then studies the admittedly pale, yet vibrant creature before him.
"Shouldn't we be the living dead?"
"Living dead, rotters, zombies. Undead, nosferatu,
vampires. Whatever. I blame the movies." She would roll
her eyes but this is the most meaningful conversation she has experienced
in...well, quite a while. "Speaking of semantics, do you remember
your name?"
Several monosyllabicnoises
are made in frustrating attempts to conjure an answer to her seemingly simple
question. He finally gives up, shrugging his shoulders, "I don't
know."
"Your memory may fully restore itself or not.
Difficult to say for certain. It is different for everyone."
She seems completely unconcerned, stepping closer and offering to adjust
his disheveled collar. "We are undead during the zombie apocalypse,
so we can be whomever we want. Just pick a name."
"What's your name?"
"Peaches, currently." Her smile is simultaneously
warm and wry.
Inspiration strikes quickly and he smiles in return. "Cam."
She nods in approval. "So, Cam, I trust that I don't
have to hide any sharp wood from you or that you won't decide to sunbathe come
morning?"
Newly-christened Cam briefly recalls the crushing emotions as the
living dead closed in and then locks vivid eyes with his maker named Peaches.
"As you said, I am no longer alone. And neither are you."
Peaches quickly links arms with her perceptive prodigy.
"Now let's get you cleaned up and find you someone to drink, which
is not as easy as it used to be with this new world order."
As she casually leads him away from the soulless cemetery, a lone
zombie staggers quietly in the distant moonlight.