Monday, February 22, 2010

power heels volume 2

my pointy patent heels are strewn on the plasticky mat thing and i FREAK out about the last time i came here to write about this particular subject because it did not go well.
i just ate an apple the size of my face.
which was a poor decision because i forgot that apples make me burp and then what the heck what if i burp while i'm singing se tu m'ami or something? or while i'm introducing myself? hi, i'm brooke, and you rejected me last time, so this time i will belch for you.
pleasant.

and i keep wondering if my tights are restricting the proper flow of air to my lower costals. and i hate not knowing how to spell costals. well whatever.

but not nervous, just anxious.

you know when you have lots of pressure on you, like this five minutes will determine your whole destiny? yeah. well. i don't know if you've ever experienced that before, but how could you NOT be wondering about every little detail and what if your cardigan sleeves are too short for proper hand expression?
five minutes, that's all you get. and it has to be perfection.
but you can't stop being a human for that space of time, so, you could actually screw it all up.
but then you take a deep breath and remember mom talking about the olympics, and how the gold medalist wasn't nervous because his coach just told him to do his job.
just do your job.
sing with love, she said.
i love HER.

maybe some more deep breathing will help my body understand how huge that apple was. sorry, stomach. you have to calm down for this.
after 2:47 pm when you walk out of that room you can start freaking out, intestines. you can say what the heck was that massive green thing you put inside me? or you can say, brooke, you do not know anything why did you put tights over the top of me? or you can say, i hate you. full reign and permission, but please, please, just hold off?

there's a lot of pleading that goes into these five minutes. seven months worth.
but my personal morning devo was about FAITH today.
and here i am.
and here i go.

" after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, i would ask if all is done? behold, i say unto you nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in Him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save." --3 Nephi 31:19

Welcome!

I should just let you know...This blog is my writing, and that's it.Perspectives from a female, middle class twentysomething. Recently married music education college student. Residing in Provo, Utah. These things color these words, but before I was all of those things I was a human,so that's who I am here.

Welcome to my blog!It's pretty much devoid of snazzy pictures and documentation of what I've eaten in the last 48 hours.It's my space to ache for substance in the world.