So, DP and I have decided to tie the knot this year. We are going to have a small wedding for close friends and family. Absoutely no big fuss or bother, but something special, intimate, meaningful and... fun

We've been discussing doing it for ages and in a sudden spurt of action, have decided to finally lock it in. Anyway, obviously we have been together for ages, have DD etc etc. We are saving for a house at the moment, and obviously the engagement wasn't a down-on-one-knee, red roses, big rock moment.

So..... we decided to not bother with an engagement ring. Well, you would think the world had ended. No-one can believe it. My mum is HORRIFIED. Am I missing something?? Does the ring signify the fact that your DP loves you more than if he didn't go and blow a couple of grand of (joint) money? Have we just inadvertantly committed a massive social faux pas??

I mean, I can appreciate a big dazzler as much as the next girl, but I dont really feel the need to have a big rock as proof of how much DP loves me. But is it a symbol of something more than that? I thought the wedding bands were the symbol of unity.

Anyway, I doubt we'll get one but I'd love to hear some more thoughts, just out of interest!

Well, I have an engagement ring. I told DH I didn't really need one, and that went over like a lead balloon. Then I said I'd just as soon have a sapphire or a pearl. That went over no better. So I have a diamond, and I do love it...but honestly I didn't need it at the time, and if push came to shove, I don't NEED it now.

My wedding ring, however, is a plain platinum band and is very, very important to me.

I don't feel they are important. I have one, and had a huge romantic proposal. Which was sweet, and important to dh, I thought it was kinda cheesey. But that is just me. What is important to me, is more the sybolism of your love, which I see in the wedding ring. I see an enagement ring more as a big show, a 'look what I have' type of deal, but that is just me.

I would say that engagement rings are only important if they are important to YOU!!

My sister's husband and his entire family tried to convince her that a ring didn't matter. It mattered to her and that is all that should have mattered. She pretty much bought her own ring because he wouldn't budge. He was in the mall on the phone with his mom when she picked it out and paid for it.

My sister's husband and his entire family tried to convince her that a ring didn't matter. It mattered to her and that is all that should have mattered. She pretty much bought her own ring because he wouldn't budge. He was in the mall on the phone with his mom when she picked it out and paid for it.

Signs signs everywhere a sign....sigh.

God, that is sad. Your poor sis. I agree, if it matters to you, go for it.

There is certainly an appeal to the romantic proprosal. If I am 100% honest with myself, sure it would have been nice to have had that a few years ago. But I got sick, then got better, then got pregnant, then we were parents etc etc. So.. it just didnt happen that way.

If we were rolling in money, and it wasn't an issue, and DP could go buy me a lovely ring, then I doubt I would say no! But to spend 1000s of dollars on it when we cant really afford it, then that seems to me silly.

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If you really want to mess with people, get a colored gemstone engagement ring...that confuses people, too.

haha!! Agreed. We have thought about ust buying a cheapy vintage ring, but it seems like some people are more horrified by a cheap ring than no ring!

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No. We never had one, or a wedding ring either, and our marriage is not cursed (that I know of).

No. We never had one, or a wedding ring either, and our marriage is not cursed (that I know of).

According to my mother, a marriage is only cursed when its not done in a church. Apparently my marriage isnt even LEGAL since it happened in my backyard and I didnt *gasp* change my name.

But OP, dh bought me a sweet little $35 ring from a local artist. Not engagement looking by any means. Just something he knew I'd like and to have to drop on one knee to propose with. I never did wear it.
And it sits in my jewelery box.

If it doesnt matter to you, it doesnt matter.

Congrats!

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I don't think its important, either. But i don't even wear a wedding ring.

Ditto. I specifically asked for no engagement ring as well. Waste of money, IMO. I have access to a safety deposit box literally packed with rings, necklaces, bracelets, etc from an estate my mother inherited. For something with so much "value" they do nothing but sit in a box in a bank...and never will do anything else.

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When dh asked me to marry him, he gave me a ring. It was lovely. We had a short engagement (1 month). The day before our wedding, dh says, "OMG, am I supposed to buy you ANOTHER ring????" So, I just took off my "engagement" ring and used it for the wedding, too. It does seem like a conspiracy by the diamond industry to get two rings out of you. I really like my simple ring by itself and wouldn't want two.

When dh asked me to marry him, he gave me a ring. It was lovely. We had a short engagement (1 month). The day before our wedding, dh says, "OMG, am I supposed to buy you ANOTHER ring????" So, I just took off my "engagement" ring and used it for the wedding, too. It does seem like a conspiracy by the diamond industry to get two rings out of you. I really like my simple ring by itself and wouldn't want two.

Oh! Oh! Oh! [Jumps up and down] I've been nodding my head in agreement with everything in this thread, and your last statement here jumped out at me.

If you must buy a diamond, please do a little research on the history of the diamond industry, especially in South Africa. Diamond mining practices are still very cruel. The price of diamonds is hugely inflated. The diamond industry cultivated this myth that diamonds are rare when relative to other gems they most definitely are not. And they've also promoted this idea that a man is cheap if he buys an engagement ring with anything other than a diamond, never mind that pearls used to be the tradition. On top of that, he's supposed to spend the equivalent of at least a month's salary.

My husband's sister in law periodically gives him a hard time because he doesn't buy me jewelry at every little anniversary. He tells her I don't want the stuff and she doesn't believe him. He knows I like jewelry just as much as the next woman. But I like artsy stuff you can't get from the diamond franchise at the mall. We can't afford it anyway!

Okay, steps down from soap box.

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I don't even wear my wedding ring, ok well I don't technically have a "wedding ring" since we eloped and had no ring at all and so dh used his fathers masons ring ( which was wayy to big lol) as a stand in at the marriage ceremony. We bought a ring for me after the fact but I ended up eventually losing it because I'm just not a jewelry person And then he bought me a replacement which sits in a jewelry box.

so no I don't think it's important. What matters is the relationship not a piece of jewelry.

I totally agree with Journeymom. The diamond industry is not something that I am willing to support. (I know there are fair diamonds and I respect that). I also work with poor people and didn't feel like it was appropriate to have a huge, expensive ring on when a lot of them can't eat. I'm also a feminist and am not really comfortable wearing that kind of symbol of my husband's wealth. . .

We went on a super honeymoon to Europe with the money that would have bought a ring. Starting our marriage out in Paris was amazing and it was a great decision.

An engagement and/or wedding ring only matters if it's important to you. It was and is important to me to have an engagement and wedding ring. I wear them daily, they are a symbol, and every time I look at my hands (whether accidentally or on purpose, IRL or in a photograph, etc.) I think of how much I love my dh and how much he loves me.

I chose and paid for my own rings. Dh loved that because he would have loved to buy the ring but couldn't afford it, and because he really didn't know what to choose and wanted me to have something I really wanted to wear for the rest of my life.

So I love my rings, and they're important to me. But if it wasn't something that was personally and specifically important to me, I wouldn't have any! Remind people that you are going to do what is right for you (and your family), your whole life long, not what is right for them. I think I tell our families (in-laws and my own) this six times a week!

Julia
dd 10 mos

ETA: I do not know the history of the diamonds in my rings. All I know is both rings are almost 100 years old and one of them was purchased at an estate sale by the jeweler who sold it to me. I don't feel guilty : and I don't boycott everything that comes from an industry that does something or has ties to something I disagree with. : again!

Dh and I didn't have any money for an engagement right when we got engaged. I really was fine with that, and so was everybody involved.

Except, a few friends who told me that you aren't really engaged if you don't have a ring! They were so relieved when dh 'got' me a ring. He had the diamond of the ring my great grandmother had left for me reset. When he gave it to me, I yelled at him, because we didn't have money for a diamond, before I realized it was my great grandmothers.

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