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Is Mahairi Black of the SNP more evil than Douglas Alexander of Labour?

Mahairi Black of the SNP and Douglas Alexander of Labour are their party’s respective candidates for the Paisley & Renfrewshire South constituency in next week’s general election. Black is 20 making her not only the youngest candidate in the election but if she wins the youngest MP since the the 19th century and the youngest ever woman elected to parliament. She also did some things as a teenager that teenagers do as the Daily Record lovingly laid out for its readers to stare at. The shocking revelations are:

STUDENT Mhairi Black – who will fight high profile seat at general election – used Twitter to boast of her boozy antics and to spout abuse about Celtic fans.

SNP hustings candidate Mhairi Black

NICOLA Sturgeon was facing mounting pressure last night to sack firebrand studentMhairi Black as an SNP election candidate – after a string of her foul-mouthed internet rants became public. Politics student Mhairi Black – who will fight one of Scotland’s highest profile seats at the general election – used Twitter to boast of her boozy antics and to spout abuse about Celtic fans.

The revelations come after the Record revealed yesterday how Black, 20, who is bidding to be Britain’s youngest MP, fantasised about “putting the nut” on Labour councillors. Black – who polls say could unseat shadow foreign secretary Douglas Alexander as MP for Paisley and Renfrewshire South – bragged on Twitter: “Smirnoff Ice is the drink of the gods – I cannae handle this c*** man.” Partick Thistle fan Black also blasts Celtic fans during a match in October 2013 saying: “I’ve only just realised – I really f***** hate Celtic” and “Celtic, yer a joke!#scum”.

Putting aside my obvious bias that Black has the good taste to support the Greatest Football Team in the Universe, it’s hard to deny the Record’s accusations that this sort of evil means Black cannot realistically represent the ordinary people, as after all voters don’t get drunk, hate Celtic or use hard language. No, voters are like angels unblemished by the realities of life, especially in Paisley. After all we want our MP’s to look and sound more like us so someone that likes a drink, speaks like a lot of people and slags off an opposing football team is hardly right when she stands against the giant of a man that is Douglas Alexander. How can Black compete against this titan, this colossus of modern politics. After all there’s nothing in the history of Douglas Alexander to compare with Black’s heinous crimes? Oh..

But we’ve moved on. Surely a monumental talent like Alexander has made amends?

Err, ok. He may have voted for Iraq and helped unleash a wave of violence, extremism, terrorism and death that’s affected millions, and afterwards voted against a democratic investigation of that war, but at least he’s looking after the safety of the people of Scotland!! Ah, right. So he’s voted to keep his constituents as targets in a nuclear war, but he believes in strong socially democratic principles like the redistribution of wealth from the very rich and to clamp down on tax avoiders? Ah fuck. He’s just a typical careerist Labour politician that’s voted for illegal wars, voted against investigations for that war and doesn’t really give a toss about the people that pay his wages? He’s just got his mates in the media to slur Black for acting like a typical teenager and supporter of the best football club in Glasgow isn’t he? At the end of the day, Black may have said some silly things but we all do regardless of whether we’re young, middle aged or old. It takes thought to vote for an Iraq invasion. It takes a deliberate choice to vote for Trident. It takes a brass neck to vote against tax avoidance and call yourself ‘left wing’.

So no, Mahairi Black isn’t the devil herself. She’s a breath of fresh air in a campaign of staid, staged press conferences from dull middle aged men in suits talking to the party faithful and media. Alexander voted for Iraq. I hope the people in Paisley do the right thing and send Alexander off into the night so he can reflect on all the deaths he’s indirectly caused.