Tuesday, July 31, 2012

It seems lately that too many people in my circle of influence, who I care about deeply, have been plagued by the bitter sting of divorce, and it breaks my heart to watch them suffer so cruelly, whilst I stand helplessly on the sidelines, feeling like nothing I do is sufficient to bring them comfort. To see such loving, amazingly selfless people experience feelings of worthlessness and failure is truly a tragedy, and I find myself praying for wisdom to discover ways of supporting and uplifting them.

Upon visiting with a most beloved family member recently, and having the rare opportunity to witness, firsthand, the pain and frustration that have become the new version of "normal" in her life, I found myself being reminded of a poem I wrote a few years ago when I was going through a similarly difficult time myself. It is a poem of hope, and I pray that she (you know who you are), along with others who are facing equally disheartening trials at present, will remember that Heavenly Father allows us to experience trials, not only to test our faith, but to strengthen our character. I am not sure what grand lesson is meant to be learned from all this heart ache, but I do know that Heavenly Father loves us and is always there to lift us up in our moments of darkness. I only pray that this poem will remind those who are struggling that hope is in sight, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. :)

Monday, July 30, 2012

So, I did something tonight that I haven't done in what seems like forever - I logged onto my MySpace account. I know, I know - the shock and awe. haha. In doing so though, I came across a blog post that I wrote in January, 2007. I had just started dating my husband a month or so before, and so the relationship was still pretty new and exciting. Reading over my feelings that I was experiencing at that time was so refreshing. I almost feel like a giddy school girl all over again. ;)

We have been married for five years now, and though I love my husband more and more every day (despite the little idiosyncrasies we discover upon living for a time with our spouses. haha), it reminded me of what I saw in him when our relationship was still in its infancy, and I am grateful for that quick glimpse into the past, when things were new and our future together was still an unwritten blessing that was yet to be revealed.

We have come so far in these five years of marriage, and have overcome so much together. I just hope that I am always able to see him through those same loving eyes, and that my heart is always filled with as much promise and hope as I felt the day I wrote down my feelings about the new man that had just come into my life - the man who would become my best friend and bless me with such beautiful, healthy children, who would continue to honor his marriage covenants and inspire me to be the best version of myself.

So, if I ever start hanging up decorations for a pity party - for whatever silly reason it might be, whether we've just had a quarrel or because he has done something that has completely blown my mind, leaving me with a bewildered expression on my face, shaking my fists and shouting, "What were you thinking?" (Come on, I know you've all been there. haha), I will refer to this blog post to remind myself how truly lucky I am to have been blessed with a husband that I love, who genuinely loves me in return:

Do you remember when you were little, and your mom always told you that sometimes life throws you curve balls??? Well, my life has definitely thrown me my share of curve balls - but something else my mom has always drilled into my head was the fact that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and though we may not understand at the time WHY something happens, with time and patience, God's plan will eventually be revealed - just not until the time is right. I just think it is CRAZY how true that really is (funny thing how the older I get, the more the stuff my mom used to say actually makes sense). I mean, two months ago, I NEVER would have thought that I could be as happy as I am today. I was at a place in my life where I literally had given up on ever finding true happiness again. I was basically living from day to day trying to figure out why so many things had gone wrong in my life. I am a decent person. Why was I having such a run of bad luck??? But then...when you least expect it, life throws you another curve ball; only this time, it's one that turns your life upside down - makes you smile to the point that your cheeks ache. I mean, how amazing it is to have found someone that I can honestly see myself growing old with - someone who complements me in every aspect of who I am, makes me want to be a stronger person; someone who makes me smile just by looking at me with those big, brown eyes...

And even after spending an entire day with him, I start to miss him again from the moment we say, "Goodnight." I no longer find myself asking the question, "Why me? I am a good person. What did I do to deserve this?" Now, I find myself asking, "What could I possibly have done so right to deserve such happiness?" There are even times that I find myself staring into his beautiful eyes...fighting back the tears because I am so overwhelmed with the love that I have for this man, and the amazement that it's actually real - that God lead him to ME.

I thank God every day for the blessings in my life...for my health, my family, and for the love that I share with all of my friends that I hold so dear to my heart. But I can never thank Him enough for allowing me to finally find what it is that my heart truly desires...an eternal companion. I honestly never imagined that I would find someone so amazing, so loving, so kind, so sincere - it just goes to show that God DOES answer prayers, and that everything DOES happen for a reason. You just have to have a little faith - with good works - and God WILL take care of the rest.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

I have finally done it - I've official jumped on the blog-writing band wagon. My decision to concede in this matter was derived simply from my love of writing and a desire to seek an outlet for doing so. For as long as I can remember, writing has been in my blood. Some (like my mother, whose bias opinion of my writing prevents her from being objective, I am sure) might call it a gift. If that is the case, then the parable of the gifts is definitely relevant, as I have found myself plagued of late with a seriously inconvenient case of writer's block. Though I may have possessed an affinity for writing in my youth, it does not come so easily to me now. The last decade of my life has been spent focusing on other, more pressing responsibilities: child bearing, keeping a home, providing physically and spiritually for my children, etc...and I have failed to allot the amount of time necessary in nurturing my talents. I have realized recently; however, that if Heavenly Father did indeed bless me with this gift, then it is also my duty to magnify it and cultivate it; hence, the blog. :)This, however, is not a blog about writing. There are many facets to the idea of who I am as a person. I am a mother of three beautiful children and wife to the most amazing, loving husband in the world. Aside from writing, I also love poetry, I love to read (the Regency romance era is my favorite - I sometimes feel like I was born in the wrong century), to bake, to cook, to spend time with my family, and I consider myself to be somewhat of a grammar enthusiast. I have also recently started learning how to sew, and though I still consider myself a novice in this area, I have had some amazing adventures in the learning process, some of which I hope to share with my readers in the future, should the opportunity present itself. As a writer, I wish to share all of who I am with my readers - maybe even one day with the world. Even if no one actually reads my blog, I know in my heart that it is at least an excellent outlet for my writing.

C.S. Lewis said, "It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." So here it is - my attempt at hatching out of my shell - in a blog about all things ME. :)