Men Who Are Irresistible to Women

We don’t always know what’s good for us — and sometimes we know and don’t care. Many women, for example, can’t seem to resist rebellious bad boys or wealthy older men who might not be the best partners for healthy relationships. But recent research suggests it may not be entirely our fault. Studies show that there are reasons women fall for certain guys. So when should you embrace the attraction, and when should you learn to just walk away? We asked our experts to weigh in.

The Flashy Guy

You know the type: the guy who drives the hot sports car and won’t leave home without his Rolex. Researchers from Rice University, the University of Minnesota, and the University of Texas at San Antonio analyzed more than a thousand men and found that those who had a flashy car or another luxury item were more attractive in women’s eyes than guys who drove a Honda, for example. But does attraction lead to healthy relationships?

Turns out, not so much. The researchers said that women were interested in dating flashy guys but not in settling down with them. The reason? Ladies inferred that men who were conspicuous spenders were only interested in uncommitted sex, which could be a potential threat to women’s long-term health.

Experts say, however, that that assumption isn’t necessarily true. Men who feel the need to show off in a materialistic way may be suffering from low self-esteem, says Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT, a marriage and family therapist in private practice in Marin County, Calif. She adds that many men believe that women want to be taken care of, and showy possessions could potentially lure a mate. So find out what’s behind the bling before you bring him home or kick him to the curb.

The Bad Boy

What is it about bad boys that make them so attractive to so many women? Researchers at New Mexico State University set out to find the answer by giving 200 college students personality tests to see how many bad-boy or “dark triad” traits they possessed. Examples included impulsivity, narcissism, and callousness. The participants were also asked about their sex lives, including how many partners they had had. Men with the most bad-boy traits reported the highest number of sexual partners.

Laurie Puhn, a New York couples mediator, lawyer, relationship expert, and author of Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship Without Blowing Up or Giving In, says women sometimes find bad boys attractive because they introduce their partners to new things and activities. “Motorcycles, hiking, and driving in a fast car are generally high-energy, exciting experiences that rev up the happy hormones,” Puhn explains. “But after a while, the newness wears off, and you are left with the guy. If his core personality is not that attractive, you leave.”

The Moody Dude

Another study may explain why women go for brooding bad boys. Canadian researchers asked a thousand people to rate the sexual attractiveness of photos of the opposite sex. Men were attracted to smiling, happy-looking women, but women generally said that the most attractive men were those who looked moody, proud, or powerful.

Kift says there are many reasons to explain this, but one issue that crops up with many women is that they simply don’t believe they deserve a good person. In particular, women whose fathers weren’t emotionally or physically available during childhood try to unconsciously heal old wounds by falling into often bad relationships with similar men. They hope that things will be different — but they usually aren’t.

The Less Attractive Guy

When it comes to healthy relationships, should you bypass the eye candy and go for less attractive men? Maybe, say researchers from UCLA and the University of Tennessee. They found that women who are more attractive than their husbands have happier marriages. The study looked at 82 newlyweds and found that in couples where the woman was more attractive, the man was generally more emotionally supportive of her. When the man was the better-looking spouse, he tended to be less supportive.

“When a guy appreciates his woman [and vice versa] and compliments her on her looks and her personality and character, they will have a happier marriage,” Puhn says. “It's possible that better-looking men, on average, have had it a little easier when it comes to dating and jobs, and therefore they haven't learned the necessary art of flattering others.”

The Older Man

According to a recent Swedish study, women prefer to date older men. In an analysis of 4,000 personal ads, researchers found that a majority of women were seeking wealthy, accomplished, older partners. “Older means experienced, which can be sexy,” says Puhn. “On average, it makes the guy wiser and richer.” But Kift says she doesn’t agree that all women are looking for older men. “I don’t know that you could apply this study to American culture — perhaps, but it’s unclear,” she says.

The Class Clown

Kift says that along with many of her female clients and friends, she finds a good sense of humor to be a very desirable quality in a man. So why do women find humorous guys so attractive? One British study suggests that women believe funny honeys are more intelligent — and therefore better providers — than less witty men. “Funny is part of a core personality," Puhn says. "It is lasting. So it’s going to be high on the list of reasons we marry.” Kift adds that humor has a positive effect on women’s health because it helps de-escalate conflict, perhaps creating happy and healthy relationships.

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