6 important qualities of a lasting relationship

By relationship, I mean two people coming together in love, choosing to spend their lives together as a couple, partners in crime, all that kind of thing.

In my ‘life of research and practice’, I’ve come to the conclusion that the most important qualities in a lasting relationship are:

Hard work

Commitment

Honesty

Openness

Understanding

Love

Hard work
In order to be successful with your career or your hobby, you have to put a lot of effort and hard work into it. If you don’t do this then you’ll lose interest and move onto something else. You get back from it what you put into it. If you don’t have the interest – the passion – that drives you to put at least 100% into your relationship, then you’re going to lose interest in it, just like with the hobby or career. Think about this in relation to your relationship. You’ll get bored, look for ‘other exciting things’ to do. Your relationship will suffer, and sooner or later your partner is going to fire your arse for ‘not working hard enough’.

Commitment
A lot of people misunderstand what this means. They think that commitment is about getting married, and being ‘tied down’. Nope, not true. Commitment is about providing support to your partner, being with them through the good times and the bad times. It’s about being the kind of person to them that you want them to be with you. You know you’re going to have some rough times in life. No person is an island, and everyone needs someone to lean on at some time. If you aren’t the kind of person that they can lean on, then they’re not going to be the person that you can lean on, and before you know it you’ll fall over

Honesty
Without honesty, there’s no trust. And if there’s no trust, there’s nothing. If you can’t be honest with the person you’re with, then you’re living a lie. Not only that, but they’re with someone they don’t really know! And when they find out who you really are, they’re going to be madder than a bull with swords sticking out of it. Honesty opens up doors and allows for great communication between you. Honesty allows you to be who you really are, so that there’s no surprises. It also fosters trust, which is essential for an ongoing relationship.

Openness
Openness goes hand in hand with honesty, leading to greater trust and appreciation from your partner. Express your feelings, and your desires, your disappointments and frustrations. Express your goals, your likes and dislikes, your expectations and your fears. Be open about everything, and you’ll find your partner being open with you. It helps each of you understand who you are and what you both want, allowing you to align yourselves with what’s important to you both.

Understanding
This is especially important. Not everything is about you, and if they are going through things that are emotional to them in some way, all they want is your understanding that they’re going through something that’s hard for them. This is where they want your commitment to them, providing them with the support that they need. You need – yes, need – to understand that they have a life that’s separate to yours, that they experience things that you don’t, and that they might often feel alone with what’s affecting them.

Love
This is the glue that binds everything else. Love is what inspires you to be hard working, committed, honest, open and understanding. Love is absolutely necessary for everything else to work, and yet without anything else, there is no love.

All of the above are required for a lasting relationship between two people. The qualities work together to achieve success in a relationship, and without one or more of those qualities, the relationship will be difficult, with many challenges. Without any of the qualities, the relationship is doomed to failure.

If you have everything except honesty, you have a relationship based on lies.

If you have everything except hard work, then commitment will suffer, as you’re saying it’s not worth it.

If you have everything except commitment, then understanding will suffer, as you’re saying you’re not interested in providing support.

If you have everything except openness, then understanding will suffer as well, as you’re saying you don’t trust them with your feelings.

If you have everything except understanding, then openness will suffer, as your lack of understanding will prevent them from being open about their feelings.

If you have everything except love, then you don’t have the glue that holds everything together. You have nothing.

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Hi, I'm Alan from Canberra, Australia. Thanks for visiting! If you're new to this blog, you might like to click on Start Here to learn more about who I am and what this blog is about. Don't be afraid to say hi and leave a comment!

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