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He's doing a demanding university course, works part time, has a girlfriend and a hectic social life.

I was hoping to spend at least a few hours with him on his actual birthday, but he told me the other week he'll be overseas. Hiking in the Himalayas. In winter.

He's an adult and old enough to make his own decisions, but as a parent, I feel a bit helpless.

On this seeming flight of folly, "Make sure you pack your thermal underwear!" is about the extent of what I feel I can offer in terms of practical parenting advice.

At the other end of the spectrum is Grace. She's just 16 weeks old, and totally dependent on her mother and me. No hiking in Nepal for her.

Between Jamie and Grace, I have four more children ranging in age between 18 months and 17 years.

Image Mark's mother-in-law says parenting boils down to two things: giving your children roots, but at the same time giving them wings.(Supplied: Mark Tamhane)

I was at a local playground with my 18-month-old daughter when I got talking to an elderly Greek-Australian man who was entertaining his grandson.

When I told him how many children I had, he staggered backwards in disbelief, exclaiming "Mother of God!" Clearly a religious man, he furiously crossed himself. When he'd regained composure, he made a point of knocking on the wooden frame of the swings. The clear implication being I would need every ounce of good luck to cope with that many kids.

Are large age gaps a part of your family? What has that been like for you? Share your family's story with us by emailing life@abc.net.au.

I'm an only child. When I was young, the thought of having other human beings besides my parents constantly around was something that filled me with dread (with the exception of my imaginary twin brother, Mike, who was my silent companion when I was seven years old).

It was never my intention to be able to field a basketball team of children (including one sub) — only three of my six were planned.

To be honest, I've been so busy doing the business of parenting young children over the past two decades that I really haven't stopped to think much about what it's actually like to parent six kids. I've been too busy living in the moment.

All those parenting books have sat on the shelf unread, with the notable exception of Shannon Lush and Jennifer Fleming's excellent Spotless Baby, which tells you everything you will ever need to know to get vomit, wee, poo and nappy rash cream out of carpets and upholstery.

Thanks to shift work and part-time hours, I've spent much more time with my children than I have in an office. However, unlike being a journalist — which only came about via 13 years at school, three at university and two years working as an editorial assistant — there's no formal training to prepare you for parenthood. It's all "on the job".

So what have I learnt from bringing up babies 20 years apart?

Don't panic

Kids will get sick. They will hurt themselves. They may end up in hospital. They will get upset. They will not sleep sometimes and they will not always eat their dinner. And 99.99 per cent of the time, these seemingly traumatic events that can test the mettle of first-time parents will soon be forgotten.

Rest assured, you will soon be dealing with an assertive teen asking you to pick them up from that party on the other side of town at midnight.

No two children are the same

While you can expose all of your children to similar ideas, experiences and behaviours, each will find their own niche, their own 'groove', their own place in the world … and their own obsessions.

As the first-born child, my eldest son was showered with cuddly bears and soft toys.

At the age of six months, he rejected them all, insisting on carrying around a cheap plastic strainer he found in the kitchen.

Young children crave routine

While regular bedtimes and mealtimes may seem dull and lack spontaneity, they help give structure and a reassuring certainty to children.

When I was splitting up with my first wife, our youngest daughter's main questions were still: "What time is dinner?", "What are we having?" and "What time do I have to be in bed?"

Dealing with demanding babies

So, as a parent, this is the stuff I "know". But is "knowing" good enough?

Image Learning to manage life with three young children is a challenge at times.(Supplied: Mark Tamhane)

As I lower Grace gently into a baby bath — after checking at least three times with the soft part of my elbow that the water is not too hot (I've always been paranoid about this) — I can't help feeling that after all these years, changing all those nappies, and countless nights of interrupted sleep, I'm still just muddling through.

Sure, I'm a parent, and I've picked up some parenting skills along the way, but I feel I'm still trying to master the art of what it is to be a good parent, particularly to an infant or a toddler.

My second wife Emily is mother to my three children under four.

Our first born, Jack, was demanding. And then came a fussier baby, Charlotte. When we discovered we were expecting a third child just seven months after Charlie was born, Emily sought the counsel of a wise family friend with three very young children.

"How on Earth do you manage?" Emily asked.

"It's simple," came the reply.

"You learn to care less."

It took a while to work out exactly what our friend meant.

She was NOT saying she didn't love or care what happened to her children. Quite the reverse.

Her point was that looking after three young children is so demanding, pretty much everything else tends to slip down the priority list.

As if to confirm this, another family friend told us, "I've lowered my already low standards."

Our house is a good example.

My mother-in-law dropped in the other day. Moving to sit down with a cup of tea in her usual spot at the end of the dining table, she realised there was but no chair.

"We had to put the chairs away," Emily grinned ruefully. "Charlie started pulling them down on herself. Or using them to climb up to pull Baby Grace's bouncer down. We've been eating our dinner on the floor."

Something's got to give

Parenting blogs are full of advice telling busy families to outsource some domestic and child caring tasks, but that's often more trouble than it's worth, even for those who can afford it.

We tossed around the idea of getting in a cleaner, then realised they would only be able to clean a couple of rooms before they'd disturb a sleeping child.

Then there's the tidy we'd need to do so a cleaner could actually clean.

I've been meaning to dig out a small shrub that died in the front garden. It annoys the hell out of me every time I pass it.

I realised the other day I've been annoyed for 11 months.

I'm ashamed to say it's been more than a year since I've caught up with two of my best friends.

One lives just 10 minutes away.

Come to think of it, I hadn't even told him Emily and I were having another baby.

'This phase of our lives won't last'

A good day is when 8:30pm rolls around and all three children are fast asleep. They are exasperating, stubborn and often infuriating, but like all kids, can also be loving, perceptive, hilariously funny, very entertaining and good company.

Some bits are not fun, like a toddler's 2am round of vomiting due to a ruptured eardrum, but this is life right now with small children.

We have had to reframe things. This is the "new fun". And the me-time is us-time.

This phase of our lives won't last. Jack will start school in a little over a year. And then there will be other tours of duty — running the children around to activities and sport, and then to sleep overs… where they will refuse sleep yet again.

But if we've let a lot of things slide and feel like we're just muddling through, are we good parents?

Most of our friends and family with kids young or old admit they regard themselves as pretty average in the parenting department.

Research from Melbourne's Royal Children's Hospital indicates more and more of us are struggling with the demands of parenthood and managing behaviour.

On the other hand, most children grow up to have rich and interesting lives. They "turned out OK". Should we perhaps dial down the critical judgment and accept perhaps we're good enough?

The benefits of being a Good Enough Parent

British psychoanalyst and paediatrician Donald Winnicott coined the term "good enough mother" while delivering a series of lectures on BBC radio in the 1940s.

Nearly 40 years later, the concept was explored further by controversial Austrian-American child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim in his book, A Good Enough Parent.

There's something reassuringly appealing when Bettelheim writes: "In order to raise a child well, one ought not to try to be a perfect parent, as much as one should not expect one's child to be, or to become, a perfect individual.

"Perfection is not within the grasp of ordinary human beings. Efforts to attain it typically interfere with that lenient response to the imperfections of others, including those of one's child, which alone make good human relations possible."

In a contemporary review of Bettelheim's work in the journal Psychology Today, Boston College's Professor Peter Gray writes that "Good Enough parents recognise that the best they can do to help their children toward a satisfying future is to provide the conditions required for a satisfying childhood".

My mother-in-law has a more elegant way of putting it.

Being a parent boils down to two things: giving your children roots, but at the same time giving them wings.

Living in the moment as so many Good Enough parents do, it's often hard to think in those lofty terms. There's mundane battles to get pants on a leg-kicking toddler, while trying to get them off the three-year-old in time to plonk him on the toilet. Invariably, and comically, this always seems to happen at the same time.

Nonetheless, I've had these struggles in the past, and the spirit of the child to thrive in the world has always prevailed.

And Jamie is well prepared to fight his own battle to put his pants on in a tiny tent on a cold Nepalese mountainside on his 21st birthday.