Hello everyone, how’s y’all doing. i’m pretty sure you’re fine. Happy spring break to everyone on spring break. And to those not on spring break, enjoy the rest of the week. While everyone i know is enjoying their break in a better way, i’m spending mine like this

Oh well, i guess it’s part of enjoyment. Lol! Anyway back to why i’m here. Got a story to share with y’all, and since it’s a very long one i’m going to split it in series. So here goes the story about Lara’s life. Enjoy…

I love my Dad. He’s super. And he’s a brilliant man. But he never used to hug and kiss us much. My Mom was also never into touching. Her hugs have been limited to occasions when we say hello after she’s been away a long time or when we say goodbye. I am 23 years old now and if my mother has hugged me ten times, it’s a lot. And she never complimented me when I was growing up. She’d always say things like, “You’re too fat.” I was very clever at school, an “A” student. I tried so hard to get her to say, “Lara, you are the best!”

My Mom and her two younger sisters had a very strict upbringing. My grandfather didn’t allow them to have boy friends or to wear make up or to go out. She also brought us up very strictly. I was a real mommy’s girl who never did anything wrong. She only allowed us sweets on a Friday night, and we only got a small amount of pocket money, not because my parents couldn’t afford it, but because my mother didn’t believe in spoiling her children.

When I bathed I had to take off my pyjamas next to the bath and put a towel around me when I got out so nobody could see me naked. I was never allowed to touch anything below my waistline. My Mom thinks children’s sexual exploration is revolting and disgusting — probably because her father [Lara’s perpetrator] brought her up with weird ideas about sex. How ironic that my grandfather taught her that sex is bad and that she must be good, and then he raped me! I feel sorry for my Mom for having my grandfather for a father. If I am screwed up now because he raped me as a child, I can only imagine what I would have been like if he’d been my father!

My Mom never told us girls anything about sex. She still hasn’t told my sisters the facts of life although Courtney is 16 and Melissa is 18. By the time she got around to broaching the subject when I started my period, I had learned about sex firsthand as well as at school.

My mother taught us to “respect your parents.” I don’t like my Mom but I do respect her. Respect is like “in awe;” you treat them like God. You don’t do anything to juggle their world. I feel like I’m her mother sometimes and that I have to protect her.

My mother told me that my grandfather was very charming when she was growing up. Although he was married, he used to go out with a lot of women. He always dressed for women; he’d wear those cravats and paisley scarves, and he dyed his hair when it turned grey. He was very, very vain, and he was successful with women. But he got to the stage where it became harder for him to get them because he didn’t want the old ones — he wanted 20-year-olds. But this didn’t prevent my Mom from putting him on a pedestal. Although he died 11 years ago when I was 12, she always said, “If your grandfather had been alive, he would have liked you to do this,” and, “Your grandfather did this,” and “Your grandfather did that.” It used to get on my nerves. Here she was telling me what an amazing man he was and I knew that he was an absolute pig.