AT&T’s not happy about Verizon Wireless’ fantastic series of new advertisements, criticizing the iPhone carrier for its spotty 3G performance. AT&T finds the advertisements not just misleading, but downright false, and are suing Verizon in court for implying that there are huge holes in the network that provide no mobile internet coverage at all.

Hilariously, AT&T has now amended their advertising lawsuit against Verizon to include the latter company’s new holiday ads, including their adorable Misfit Toys spot, which references Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer to characterize the iPhone as a lovable but inherently broken device, all thanks to AT&T’s shoddy network.

“Contrary to the image presented in the Verizon ads, our wireless network is pervasive,” said an AT&T spokesman. “It covers over 300 million people, or 97 percent of the U.S. population. Our fastest, or 3G, network covers approximately 233 million people, or 75 percent of the U.S. population….[Verizon’s] use of white space is misleading.”

That’s not misleading at all, actually: Verizon’s ads are showing where 3G isn’t supported. It’s not saying anything about population density. But the truly amazing part of the amended lawsuit filing is its legalese description of Rudolph, Charlie-in-the-Box and the Abominable Snow Monster:

“The advertisement begins with outdated, discarded toys expressing surprise at the arrival of an Apple iPhone. The red Charlie-in-the-Box says ‘Hey! Check out the new guy!’ The spotted elephant, in a surprised manner, asks the iPhone ‘What are you doing here? You can download apps and browse the web!’ and a Dolly for Sue asserts that ‘Yeah. People will love you [the iPhone].’”
The complaint continues: “In response, a blue AT&T coverage map depicting large swaths of ‘white’ or ‘blank’ space across the United States appears above the iPhone. All the toys exclaim ‘Oh . . .’ in dismay, while the iPhone wilts and its screen turns dark. The toy airplane then assures the iPhone that ‘you’re going to fit right in here!’”

Hysterical. If this is the way AT&T is reacting to these ads, clearly Verizon has hit a sore spot.