Talk Shows Take Aim at Tiger

Scratch Tiger Woods from the future guest lists of Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien and Craig Ferguson. Tiger doesn’t take kindly to people making fun of him, and the talk-show hosts had a field day with his notorious Thanksgiving night episode.

O’Brien opened his monologue with Tiger on both Monday and Tuesday nights, and his comedy writers failed so miserably, the jokes aren’t worth repeating. O’Brien is no slouch, but he should have rejected this material before he sounded like some two-bit hack at the Tip-Top Lounge.

Leno wasted no time Monday night, saying, “Apparently, Tiger Woods’ wife caught him playing that 19th hole.” Noting that the accident happened in Tiger’s driveway, Leno went on: “He praised his wife for courageously pulling him out of the vehicle. She used a golf club to smash the window and pull him out, and here’s how courageous she was: She smashed the window before the accident.”

Ferguson, the delightfully off-beat Scot who generally has to carry his own show (due to a lack of compelling guests), had this offering: “Look, if your name’s Tiger, sooner or later, you’re gonna get in trouble.” He also dreamed up Tiger’s next commercial: “Hi, I’m Tiger Woods, and when my wife comes after me in a domestic dispute, I make sure she uses the Nike SQ Dynamo driver.”

The monologue we all wanted to hear was David Letterman‘s. He had the good sense to admit his transgressions on the air, immediately, after being busted for having sex with women in the CBS offices. I’m not sure Letterman would have addressed Tiger at all, but it became a moot point; there were Letterman re-runs the last two nights.