Help Someone You Care About

Here are some ways to help a friend who is being abused:

Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won’t be distracted or interrupted. Try to pick a location that will be safe for the both of you.

Let your friend know you’re concerned about his/her safety. Be honest. Talk about times when you were worried about her/him. Help your friend see that what she’s/he’s going through is not right. Let your friend know you want to help.

Be supportive. Listen to your friend. Keep in mind that it may be very hard to talk about the abuse. Tell her your friend that that they are not alone, and that people want to help.

Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help with childcare, or to provide transportation, for example.

Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.” Tell them you understand that their situation is very difficult.

Help them make a safety plan.Safety planning includes picking a place to go and packing important items.

Encourage your friend to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help your friend find support at First Step or another agency that helps victims of domestic or sexual violence. Offer to accompany your friend to the agency, the police station, or court.

If your friend decides to stay, continue to be supportive. Your friend may decide to stay in the relationship, or may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what your friend decides to do.

Encourage your friend to do things outside of the relationship. It’s important to see friends and family to maintain a support network.

If your friend decides to leave, continue to offer support. Even though the relationship was abusive, your friend may feel sad and lonely once it is over. They may need help getting services from agencies or community groups.

Keep in mind that you can’t “rescue” your friend. She/he has to be the one to decide it’s time to get help.