Advice on the other side..... How can I explain what I'm going through?

This is my first baby, and I'm 8 weeks along.Â It was quite a shock after only 3 and a half months of dating andÂ the whole timeÂ taking my pill to realize I was pregnant.Â Quite a shock to both of us.Â Ecspecially since he is eleven years younger than me, and neither of us were prepared.Â After teetering back and forth a couple of times and doing some 180's, he has finally said that he wants to try and make us work for the baby.Â His whole family doesn't know that we're even seeing eachother again, but they all know I'm pregnant.Â Â It's very difficult.Â His family loved me before all of thisÂ happened.Anyway, I feel very alone right now.Â He continues to go out with his friendsÂ because heÂ needs that guy time, which I understand, but at the same time, I'm feeling very alone.Â We don't live together, andÂ the only time we can really see eachother is on the weekends.Â So, if he spends a whole weekend with the guys, we don't see eachother. Â He isn't here for my sleepless nights, the nausea, the headaches, the cramping, the sickness,Â the crying, and so on.Â He doesn'tÂ realize that when you become pregnant, all of your single friends that aren't pregnant unintentionally abandon you because you can't do all of the things they do anymore.Â My friends and I used to go out on the town,Â or rock climb, I had plans to skydive this summer, I can't do all of that now. Â Â I don't feel he reallyÂ understands the emotions I'm going through, and I need some male opinionsÂ on how to explain it to him.Â After I get mad, I feel guilty for getting angryÂ and whenÂ I start feeling better, I apologize, but IÂ think he just thinks I was being a b++++.Â I think he even gets mad when I cry.Â Â He used to text me good morning every morning, and I thought that was really sweet, but after this weekends argument, he hasn't even done that the past couple of days.Â IÂ just need some emotional support, and all of my family lives so far away.Â When I told him I feel alone, he just said..... "I don't know why you feel so alone.Â That's crazy."Â He said he would be here for me though, and I don't really feel he is.Â Â He would rather hang out with the guys all weekend than hang out with me.Â He even cancelled our dinner plans to hang with the guys Saturday night.Â Please any guy advice would help.Â I know that I may be thinkingÂ irrationally right now, but I really just want a guysÂ point of view.Â Am I stressing for no reason?

This is my first baby, and I'm 8 weeks along.Â It was quite a shock after only 3 and a half months of dating andÂ the whole timeÂ taking my pill to realize I was pregnant.Â Quite a shock to both of us.Â Ecspecially since he is eleven years younger than me, and neither of us were prepared.Â After teetering back and forth a couple of times and doing some 180's, he has finally said that he wants to try and make us work for the baby.Â His whole family doesn't know that we're even seeing eachother again, but they all know I'm pregnant.Â Â It's very difficult.Â His family loved me before all of thisÂ happened.Anyway, I feel very alone right now.Â He continues to go out with his friendsÂ because heÂ needs that guy time, which I understand, but at the same time, I'm feeling very alone.Â We don't live together, andÂ the only time we can really see eachother is on the weekends.Â So, if he spends a whole weekend with the guys, we don't see eachother. Â He isn't here for my sleepless nights, the nausea, the headaches, the cramping, the sickness,Â the crying, and so on.Â He doesn'tÂ realize that when you become pregnant, all of your single friends that aren't pregnant unintentionally abandon you because you can't do all of the things they do anymore.Â My friends and I used to go out on the town,Â or rock climb, I had plans to skydive this summer, I can't do all of that now. Â Â I don't feel he reallyÂ understands the emotions I'm going through, and I need some male opinionsÂ on how to explain it to him.Â After I get mad, I feel guilty for getting angryÂ and whenÂ I start feeling better, I apologize, but IÂ think he just thinks I was being a b++++.Â I think he even gets mad when I cry.Â Â He used to text me good morning every morning, and I thought that was really sweet, but after this weekends argument, he hasn't even done that the past couple of days.Â IÂ just need some emotional support, and all of my family lives so far away.Â When I told him I feel alone, he just said..... "I don't know why you feel so alone.Â That's crazy."Â He said he would be here for me though, and I don't really feel he is.Â Â He would rather hang out with the guys all weekend than hang out with me.Â He even cancelled our dinner plans to hang with the guys Saturday night.Â Please any guy advice would help.Â I know that I may be thinkingÂ irrationally right now, but I really just want a guysÂ point of view.Â Am I stressing for no reason?

I can try to help. Please don't take anything I say below personal, I'm just describing the situation as I see it, not judging, hoping that we can figure out a solution.

I am presuming this is his first baby, as well, and so he probably does not have a lot of experience in dealing with pregnancy. Therefore, he needs to come up to speed to learn a lot about what pregnancy and parenting is like.

However, you need to do it without being accusatory. From what you've said, he has, after a lot of soul searching, agreed to be on board. That's great, and where it all starts. Now comes your part: let him know how happy you are that he wants to be part of his child's life, and how you want him to be there. That's a good thing. In fact, you are so happy, and want to do this together. Team parenting is a great thing, and it really is good for everyone, including the parents. So let's work together to do this, ok?

OK.

Unfortunately, not being together all the time, you don't really get to see and experience all I am going through. Pregnancy is a time of a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally, and its important that you understand what this means, because I need you to help me through it. I know you can't be there all the time, but I really want you to understand.

So now what you do is to get him a pregnancy book. There are dad versions out there, but I think WTE is as good as anything. Let him know that he needs to read this so he can get a little bit of the idea of what pregnancy is like.

From your comments, I suspect he is pretty young, and consequently has a lot of growing up to do. These "he needs time with the guys" excuses are yes and no. Some time is probably reasonable, but he can't expect to have it be all about him. That he can't understand how you can feel alone is not good, because it shows he doesn't see your perspective at all.

How about trying to get him involved? I know it's still early, but is he coming to dr appointments? Have you asked him what he thinks about nursery plans? Names? Get him to start thinking like an expecting parent, maybe he'll act that way? I don't know about that...

I still think the issue is education. He needs to know what it's like to be pregnant. Most of us here learn by doing - having to be with mom all the time, we get a pretty good idea of what's going on. He's missing out on that. Somehow, you have to get him informed.

I can try to help. Please don't take anything I say below personal, I'm just describing the situation as I see it, not judging, hoping that we can figure out a solution.

I am presuming this is his first baby, as well, and so he probably does not have a lot of experience in dealing with pregnancy. Therefore, he needs to come up to speed to learn a lot about what pregnancy and parenting is like.

However, you need to do it without being accusatory. From what you've said, he has, after a lot of soul searching, agreed to be on board. That's great, and where it all starts. Now comes your part: let him know how happy you are that he wants to be part of his child's life, and how you want him to be there. That's a good thing. In fact, you are so happy, and want to do this together. Team parenting is a great thing, and it really is good for everyone, including the parents. So let's work together to do this, ok?

OK.

Unfortunately, not being together all the time, you don't really get to see and experience all I am going through. Pregnancy is a time of a lot of changes, both physically and emotionally, and its important that you understand what this means, because I need you to help me through it. I know you can't be there all the time, but I really want you to understand.

So now what you do is to get him a pregnancy book. There are dad versions out there, but I think WTE is as good as anything. Let him know that he needs to read this so he can get a little bit of the idea of what pregnancy is like.

From your comments, I suspect he is pretty young, and consequently has a lot of growing up to do. These "he needs time with the guys" excuses are yes and no. Some time is probably reasonable, but he can't expect to have it be all about him. That he can't understand how you can feel alone is not good, because it shows he doesn't see your perspective at all.

How about trying to get him involved? I know it's still early, but is he coming to dr appointments? Have you asked him what he thinks about nursery plans? Names? Get him to start thinking like an expecting parent, maybe he'll act that way? I don't know about that...

I still think the issue is education. He needs to know what it's like to be pregnant. Most of us here learn by doing - having to be with mom all the time, we get a pretty good idea of what's going on. He's missing out on that. Somehow, you have to get him informed.

Believe me, I took nothing too personal! Thank you so much for your advice, it's more helpful than you know. He is very young, and it is his first as well. He does go to the doctors appointments and really the only discussions we have had on the issue are regarding names so far. We got to see the heart beat the Monday after mother's day. I of course cried, and he didn't seem as enthusiastic. I guess it's all sinking in that there's really a baby growing in there.I'll get him a book tomorrow and give it to him before my appointment on Friday, and try to have a conversation.Thanks so much! :)Bec

Believe me, I took nothing too personal! Thank you so much for your advice, it's more helpful than you know. He is very young, and it is his first as well. He does go to the doctors appointments and really the only discussions we have had on the issue are regarding names so far. We got to see the heart beat the Monday after mother's day. I of course cried, and he didn't seem as enthusiastic. I guess it's all sinking in that there's really a baby growing in there.I'll get him a book tomorrow and give it to him before my appointment on Friday, and try to have a conversation.Thanks so much! :)Bec

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