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The Bachelor Breakup

Like many of us are, I may be slightly too invested in the Bachelor. Sue me. All the Bachelor fans, myself included, had been counting down the days to the fence jump episode, and let me say it did not disappoint. As Chris Harrison would say, it was “the most dramatic episode of the bachelor ever”. Now, bear with me. I am not just going to gossip about the bachelor here; I have an actual point to all of this. (SPOILERS AHEAD)

In the episode, Cassie (a fan favorite and obvious leader), decided to leave. She expressed her doubts and concerns to Colton. She was concerned by the fact that she didn’t know whether or not he was the one. Understandably, Colton was crushed (as was I, along with most of the Bachelor fandom). Colton proceeded to tell her she didn’t need to know by now. He loved her so much she should just keep dating him and he’d be patient until she knew. As Colton poured his heart out, everyone felt for him. I hurt for him, and like everyone else, I was PISSED at Cassie! Why couldn’t she just love him? Why couldn’t she just keep dating him until she knew?

Why am I recapping this episode for you? Well here’s why. I want people to stop hating Cassie. Why? I was Cassie. Let me explain…

A little over a year ago I was in a relationship with someone who was ready for marriage. He was constantly saying to me “you don’t need to know - I know.” “We need to get married that's the next step” I had people around me telling me I need to marry him. I had people pushing me in the direction of marriage. With all of this going on outside, inside my heart and mind I was having doubts and I just didn’t know. I didn’t want to hurt the person I was with but I didn’t want to jump into something I was unsure of. Eventually I decided I had to break things off. It hurt knowing I had hurt him. It hurt knowing people hated my decision. And from outsiders looking in it looked like I had the most perfect guy in the most perfect situation so how could I?

This is when I learned some important lessons: love can’t be forced, not knowing is sometimes your answer, and sometimes you need to do what’s best for you.

As I reflected on the episode I actually started crying realizing that I was Cassie. I felt for her this time. I hurt for her. (Clarification: I am not discounting the hurt Colton went through. His heartache is still real) I felt so bad for being mad at her for her decision. I felt bad for being mad at her for not just loving him. Love can’t be forced. She wanted so badly to know but she didn’t, and that was her answer. In the end, she did what was best for her. It was brave, it was hard, and I feel for her. And if she is anything like me, she might have needed to make this step to meet her forever person.

Now this has been a really long winded, scatterbrained blog post to basically say don’t hate Cassie. In fact, don’t hate or judge anyone that ends a relationship you only know from the outside. Don’t try and force people to love. And if you’re in a relationship and you just don’t know, as hard as it may be, not knowing may be your answer. You can’t force love.