Note: I am a Jew, and I am also gay. I'm trying to do the best I can with two seemingly conflicting identities within one person. These are some of my thoughts.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

We R who We R

Recently I've been questioning my own self esteem, my own character and my own identity because of who I hang out with. For anyone who knows me personally, this is not like me. For the past 3 years I have felt nothing but confidence in who I am and what path my life is on. But I let judgments of others get to me until finally I understood what was actually going on.

I love my friends. I don't choose my friends because they run in the same social circle as me, I don't choose my friends because we have a,b,c or x,y,z in common. I choose my friends because of who they are, not because of who I am. I choose my friends because of them, what they believe in, not based on how they portray themselves of how they may appear to others. I pride myself in my ability to see beneath the surface of a person's external practices or behaviors, but instead to see who a person is on the inside, and that's why they are in my life. My friends are not, nor have ever been, part of one circle or one group. My friends have always spanned a spectrum of all different types of people, and this is why it's even hard to balance all the people that I want to have in my life because sometimes I come across the most amazing people, and just because someone may not see the good in a friend of mine, doesn't give them the right to question who I am based on that. And I certainly shouldn't be questioning myself because of them.

I take offense to those that have been questioning my own character and the character of different people I keep in my life. Who is anyone in this world to judge anyone else? We all have our flaws, but we all expect our friends to accept us knowing those flaws. I don't only write this blog to explain how because I'm gay, that doesn't mean I'm a bad person, or that you should accept me despite my sexuality, but I write this blog to say that in general, there's more to every person than meets the eye, and no one can ever assume or judge someone else because of something they may perceive. We all are who we are despite what others think of us, and we should always remember that before we question our friends' choices and behaviors.

this comment/question is not necessarily related to this particular post but i felt compelled to ask anyway. dont take this the wrong way as i am just trying to understand. im in no way criticizing or condemning anything, i ask strictly from a psychological perspective. can u please explain the emotional thought process and connection to the physical, sexual desire of a male versus a female. while i understand there are gay people i dont truly comprehend how a man cannot be attracted to female body parts. maybe this is the most ignorant comment you ever heard but at least i know i share this thought with many a straight man.

I don't know what Ely thinks about this, but I'll give you my view. Desire is desire, full stop; it doesn't make any sense. We can try to express or explain it in words after the fact, or make theories about it, but that doesn't make desire any more "rational" or "explainable".Straight men aren't attracted to certain female body parts because they are curvy, or soft, or whatever; they're attracted because they are. Gay men feel this way for some other people who happen to be men (we don't find all men attractive, same as straight men don't find all women attractive). This isn't just about physicality, it's mainly about who you can love on a deeper level, and who you can see yourself in a relationship with.

Anon 2:26- The same way you don't understand what it's like to desire someone of the same sex, I don't understand what it's like to desire someone of the opposite sex. I can't explain to you why I'm not attracted to female body parts, I'm just not. Why aren't you attracted to male body parts? I'm not attacking, I'm just saying I don't know WHY or HOW the attraction is what it is, I just know that it is.