Homer:
[after Mr. Burns got blinded by camera flashes at the unveiling of the Loch Ness Monster and accidentally set the stage on fire]
If you wanted people to love you. You sure blew it with that insane rampage. But you know what? To be loved you have to be nice to people. Every day. But to be hated, you don't have to do squat.

Mr. Burns:
You know, perhaps you're right. I got so swept up with the notion of being loved I completely forgot who I am. I'm a selfish old crank. And that fits me like a Speedo.

Homer:
[the Loch Ness Monster nuzzles Mr. Burns and Homer, sort of purring]
So. What do we do with our friend here? Throw him in the dumpster?

Mr. Burns:
No, no, no. I really want to give the lovable scamp a good home.

Homer:
[cut to the Vegas Town Casino, where The Loch Ness Monster is wearing a tuxedo and bow tie, also half the size it originally was, Homer takes the free pull on a slot machine and results "jackpot, jackpot, lemon"]
Doh!

Kent Brockman:
Monster fever has gripped Springfield by the throat. And it's all thanks to one man. Montgomery Burns has captured not only a legendary monster, but also our hearts. And by the way girls, he's single!