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Oni

Born as the third child and only son to Hokkaido's most notable and talented samurai, Oni's family was wealthy and well-respected. Enlisted as an aid to the region’s shogun at an early age, Oni’s father taught him in the ways of the Bushido, the Warrior’s Way, and trained him to be a samurai.

Oni was quite the prodigy, mastering almost every lesson his father taught him, seemingly unhindered by his massive size, something his family, and the rest of their community, observed to be a birth defect. At the age of nineteen, the young samurai entered the service of the Shogun as one of his, helping the warlord enforce his rule and conquer the land. Overtime however, Oni began to more and more to object to his master’s actions and get in between the overlord’s goals.

Oni kept fighting however, taking prisoners of war and building himself a fierce reputation until he witnessed an execution in the local town square. Once he learned that it was one of the very prisoners he had taken in not so long ago, Oni was furious with his master. Having been told to take any prisoners alive, the shogun’s contradiction of himself was the last straw for the young and massive samurai. Going back to the palace and freeing all the prisoners he had taken, Oni faced his master on the battlefield amongst chaos.

Even though he had improved by a great margin however, Oni was no match for the shogun’s skill and was swiftly dispatched, his master turned nemesis cleaving through his face from above the right cheekbone out the left side of his mouth, leaving him bleeding and incapacitated on the battlefield.

With his master having betrayed his trust, Oni swore vengeance, not just for himself, but for every soul who had been unknowingly sentenced to death by his actions or slain by his sword. Fueled by hate and anger over his actions, Oni gave rise to a spirit, or maybe a demon, of retribution within his own soul, giving him the strength to survive and push on to avenge those who he had been wronged by his own actions and his master’s.

Oni, taking on his new mantle, then returned to the shogun’s home, fought through dozens of guards, and confronted his former master, overpowering and crushing his skull. With justice served and the spirit of vengeance satisfied, Oni could have succumbed to death and passed into the afterlife. But he persisted against the spirit’s wishes, insisting that with the strength it gave him he could continue to right the wrongs of the world, acting as an enforcer of lethal justice to those who would use their gifts or power for selfish or evil means.

Eventually, the spirit obliged, allowing Oni to keep living in the physical world, and now he wanders, using his vast assortment of abilities to protect the innocent and bring justice to evildoers.

The ronin then wandered the world for several centuries, eventually making his way to America and discovered the RHG. Intrigued by their offers of glory and praise, Oni attended several of their scheduled fights, watching a multitude of combatants battle, win, lose, or draw.

Oni managed to speak to each of these fighters, learning of some of the RHG’s inner workings. A particular Arabic warrior, saying he was older even than Oni, spoke of the organization’s benefits, some of which deeply disturbed the ancient samurai. With his way of conduct coming into direct conflict with the RHG’s that is, fighting for profit, Oni deemed them unhonorable and unfit to continue as a company, claiming he would tear down the group through whatever reasons necessary, even if it meant cutting down everyone within.

He now wanders the streets of Vague City, hunting down any fighters in the RHG and slaughtering them periodically, both as a personal vendetta, and as a message to the RHG that he’s coming for them next.

Spoiler for Abilities/Weapon:

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High Strength: Being a seven and a half foot tall man who routinely worked to keep his body in pristine condition for his service under the shogun, Oni is by no means a weakling. Even before gaining the spirit of vengeance to up his strength, Oni was capable of ripping doors off hinges and rending men in half with relative ease. After returning from near death, Oni’s strength increased by what he assumes to be around threefold. If he was as strong as five men before, now he has the strength of fifteen.

Swordsmanship: Being a samurai, Oni is a graceful but deadly warrior with nearly any weapon. His primary armament however, a six foot long odachi, becomes an extension of his limb to be a lethal harbinger of death on the battlefield. With a keen mastery of the blade and sense of how to fight with it, Oni is a force to be reckoned with while in possession of his sword.

Spirit of Vengeance: With the spirit of vengeance still dwelling inside him, Oni has access to a variety of abilities related to this spirit. Increased pain tolerance, manipulation of the spirits of others and the dead, harnessing spiritual energy to enhance attacks, a heavily accelerated healing factor, etc.

Odachi: While seemingly a normal blade, this odachi, six feet long from point to pommel of the blade, is actually made from crucible steel, crafted by Oni himself in the late 17th century when he travelled to Central Asia, made to last the rest of his life on earth. Quality steel in its purest definition, Oni’s odachi is near unbreakable and can cut through most materials with ease factoring in his strength behind each swing.

Spoiler for Appearance:

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Oni is an enormous man, standing well over seven feet tall, with a muscular body to go along with his height. While originally having a handsome face, Oni’s first duel with his master and birthing of the spirit of vengeance turned him into a frightening individual to look upon. Initially having brown eyes, Oni’s have been turned crimson red, practically luminous, as well as being slanted slightly. The massive scar he received from his fight with the shogun across his face and out his mouth stands out like an ugly red thumb against his pale and near ghostly complexion.

While he usually wears his bright red samurai armor over such attire, Oni wears a second set of clothes, given to him by his mother the day he became a proper samurai. The outfit composes of a pair of azure hakama pants, tightened around the waist with a similarly colored belt, geta shoes, and a gray kimono over a black undershirt. The only thing Oni will practically never be seen without is his mask, made of steel, which covers his chin all the way up and over the bridge of his nose, concealing his scar, painted with the visage of sharpened, demon-like teeth.

Spoiler for Personality:

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Oni has lived over four hundred years and never grown tired of combat. He was trained to relish combat as a privilege, for he was raised as a samurai, someone who fought to claim realms for his lord, family and people, and then to protect that land. To him, combat is not just bloody conflict, but represents a person’s struggle to keep what they had earned.

Oni does not perceive opponents as enemies, but usually as objects that must be cut down for a greater goal, and his own survival. He is not afraid of facing a stronger opponent, and would rather die than win by cheating, and is readily prepared to embrace death, as he realizes that his actions in the past have been most dishonorable. Killing his master, being directly responsible for the deaths of hundreds of innocents, etc.

Oni also possesses a quiet sort of cockiness. Even though he was taught to be humble in his skills and not brag of them, Oni takes silent pride in his natural and supernatural strength. He respects strength above all else, but not just physical, but in everything, whether it be their spirit, attitude, or muscle.

The most prominent trait of Oni however, is his attitude towards those who use their talents for profit. Some call him naive in this aspect, but truthfully, it is the only way of using your talents he was ever told that was honorable. Oni has no respect and no words for anyone who fights only for profit, the exact type of people he targets who work within the RHG. Should a person fight for more than themselves, usually with a greater goal in mind, Oni will not see them as an enemy but rather as a possible ally, not wishing to fight them unless not given the option.

Spoiler for Water and Blood:

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Rain fell heavily, turning any dirt within the courtyard to mud and splashing over the stone walkways in a vicious torrent. Cries of fury and pain roared through the air over the storm, as hundreds of warriors, some garbed in armor while others wore simple garments, fought for their lives.

Heavily armored feet pounded up the steps of the palace, the massive figure they belonged to swinging his katana left and right, killing another samurai with every move. A battle cry from behind him, followed by a swing of a blade. The steel should have cleaved right through the man’s back, but instead bounced off the armor as if it were made of solid rock.

The warrior stepped away. Too slow, as his massive, seven foot opponent shot a hand out towards him, catching the attacker’s neck in his grip. A sickening crack signalled the samurai’s neck breaking, and his limp body fell onto the steps, sliding down into the chaos below.

The enormous killer continued up the stairway, not even swinging his sword anymore, but rather just throwing his opponents off either side of the stone steps, the fall crippling them just effectively as a sword. Faced with the palace’s large front doors, made of iron and wood, the warrior smiled behind his steel mask before clamping a hand on either side of one of the structures.

Metal bent and creaked, wood cracked and screeched, before the man pulled the door towards him and ripped it clean off its hinges, hurling the construct a clear twenty feet down to his left. A fully armed group of twelve samurai waited inside, all holding a variety of weapons within their grasps, from a naginata to a bow to a simple katana.

The newly arrived fighter laughed from underneath his mask and drew his own blade before advancing, meeting the first man’s swing with his own, the force behind sending the man’s arms flailing backwards as he struggled to retain balance. He had no time to try, as his foe swung his sword and, with the force from one hand, cleaved him in half, both torso and legs falling to the floor in a bloody pond.

Three more samurai advanced, all striking simultaneously, hoping to kill their seemingly unstoppable opponent in a coordinated effort, but to no avail. Two of the three weapons struck their intended target, but with little effect, as the blades seemed to draw no blood at all, followed by an animal-like growl from the beast of a man. The third man found the handle of his polearm swiftly cut in two before a massive hand grabbed him around the head and squeezed, effortlessly popping the man’s skull.

The two remaining attackers backed away as the giant used a single hand to lift the freshly made corpse and hurl it at them, burying them under their comrades mound of flesh. The man’s crimson eyes glinted under his helmet, and he let a roar of sheer rage escape his throat, as injured as it was, before advancing once again.

The remaining ten warriors decided it better to retreat than continue to fight, lest they suffer the same fate as their previously alive comrades, and fled into the throne room behind them, forming a wedge between the shogun and his attacker.

Sitting atop his seat, the shogun raised a hand to his soldiers, causing all in the room, including the massive foe, to pause in shock. He stood from his chair and looked closely at his invader before letting a small smile color his face, “Is that you, my rebellious apprentice?” He asked the monster.

Words replied, but in a multitude of voices, as if hundreds of people were talking at once, “Your apprentice is dead! I am Oni! And I have come to avenge those for which you have dishonorably slain!”

The shogun was unimpressed, and drew his blade, an extra long katana, around five feet, from its sheath before proceeding down to face his attacker, “I beat you once, and I’ll defeat you again, no matter how many times you seem to return from death.”

The ten samurai slinked to either side, knowing they would only get in the way, and just in time. As the first clash of swords sent sparks raining through the air. They gritted against each other, Oni seemingly struggling to break his former master’s hold on his blade.

“You attacked me ‘Oni’,” He mocked, “You gave me no choice to defend myself! You became nothing more than an obstacle for me to cut down!” He yelled.

The larger growled, a guttural noise from deep in his throat, and threw his head forward, striking the shogun across his forehead and sending him staggering backward, but undazed. Oni advanced, swinging his katana in a vicious downward arc at the man, but had his blow deflected in a masterful maneuver.

The massive samurai kept on the offensive, rage boiling up from in his soul, his strikes coming out in succession faster, with more ferocity, and increasing strength. Soon enough through the duel Oni felt the shogun’s stamina failing, and made his move. Striking horizontally, Oni’s blade was deflected once again, but not without repercussions. His former master staggered ever so slightly, and his enormous foe took fool advantage of the blunder. Shooting a fist out with freakish speed, Oni struck the ruler with a sharp blow to the nose with all his might.

The man practically flew backwards, blood spurting from his clearly broken nose, and he hit the polished floor hard before sliding across the marble. Oni advanced, victory clearly within his grasp, but was cut off as a blade passed through a chink in his armor.

He turned slowly to find one of the ten samurai, terror written over his face, as he let go of the katana he had driven into Oni’s shoulder. A counter slice caught the man just below the chin, separating his head from his body, and turned back to the shogun.

The distraction had provided enough time for his opponent to rise back to his feet, and before the former samurai could react, the shogun had rushed forward and stabbed his katana straight through Oni’s breastplate.

It should’ve been over, but the samurai simply coughed up blood from behind his mask and laughed before catching his former master’s head in both hands, dropping his katana to the floor. Fear shone in the ruler’s eyes, and Oni relished in his vengeance, pushing inward on the man’s head, eliciting screams from the shogun, until, unsurprisingly, his head exploded into a bloody mess of bone and brain.

Oni rose slowly, unflinching, and ripped out the katanas shoved into his shoulder and stomach, turning to face the remaining warriors. He found no one. They had obviously fled. Making his way out to the courtyard, he found most of the prisoners had managed to overpower the samurai, their numbers had been too great.

The samurai raised a triumphant fist before falling to his knees, eyes closing in satisfaction.

Through occult magics, I have managed to bring to life what was once dead. For those who thought they could undo my work by deleting it, YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER

The undying CnC:

Originally Posted by Vern

Weaknesses where?

Originally Posted by IggyBarns

Would it be a terrible mistake to say that I couldn't think of more than one weakness than him being a very large man, is not the fastest and thus does not suffer from any real mortal weaknesses? This is my half-hearted attempt of an excuse for not having a weaknesses section because I couldn't think of more than one.

Yes, it would be a terrible mistake to say that because I'd say you have no imagination, and I'd argue it shows in the rest of your character.

However, that would be putting it needlessly cruel. I'm just very frustrated you see, because for the life of me I can not think of anything that makes your character interesting, while I very much would like to be.

While I know that for you it isn't the case, Ignus, it bears repeating: As I told Azarel, if you do not care enough to finish your character before putting it out here, how can you expect your audience to care enough to bother reading it? It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't care if it's hard, put in the effort to finish up your character before you put it out here and make us go through the effort of reading it. It's just lazy and being overeager for a positive response. A positive response you should not expect any of us to give.

But, as I said, I'll give you a pass. Weaknesses are indeed one of the harder things to work on, especially for characters without much in the ways of supernatural abilities like Oni. Besides, I know you do care enough to put in effort so I'm not going to pretend this is a no effort sleezejob.

That being said, 'weaknesses' are hardly the biggest concern for this character. As I mentioned earlier, I've a hard time thinking of any way in which Oni could be interesting. And I do mean it.

As with Pitch's Fell, at first glance there is nothing wrong with this character. Backstory is cookie cutter and nothing interesting, but it's realistic and does the job. Personality is meh, but at least it's consistent. Again, a strong opponent, but not one that couldn't be overcome. Appearance wise he does stand out a bit, but that's meaningless considering the vacancy of character beneath the shell. Especially in a medium like writing. The issue is, we've no reason to really care about this character or anything he does. No reason to be invested in his ploy. All he is good for is fighting, and such a thing does not lend itself to the written word. If you were animating RHG's, you could get away with having two non-characters do nothing but fight as long as the spectacle itself is interesting enough while it lasts. That doesn't really work on paper, though. Watching Oni parry a dude then cleave his head off will leave little impact on me if I do not care about Oni's ploy to begin with. I suggest you read my critique of Pitch's character. A lot of the arguments I made thered apply to this character.

I'll give you a strong piece of advice, one that A LOT of people here would benefit from listening to: Is this the most interesting period of your character's life? If not, why the fuck are we reading this instead of that? Why read a story about a dude riding on top of a big dog hitting people on the head with a broom, if you tell me the same dude at one point in his life also rode a ginormous mecha-T rex, fighting off the devil on top of Godzilla with a giant laser-chainsaw? I'd much rather be reading that. Same applies to Oni. Why would I want to see him bring justice to some random dude in the wRHG for whatever contrived reason you can come up with, when I could be reading about the story of his life under the shogun. His creeping doubts towards his loyalty. His shock when he sees his shogun execute the prisoner he had worked so hard to deliver him, etcetera. Would it be anything I haven't seen before? Not really, but it'd still be a hundred times more interesting than anything you could produce currently. Oni's story has already ended before it begun. You can't come up with any sort of conflict that would be of a higher magnitude than he already faced during his ploy to overthrow his shogun.

Even on a purely superficial level, nothing sets Oni apart from any of your previous characters. They're all protagonisty goodie two-shoes, stoic and staunch defenders of the innocent. I had suggested to you to turn Oni into a ruthless executioner, pursuing his own view of justice with extreme impunity. It wouldn't solve the inherrent problems with your character's plot, but it'd at least make him stand out a HELL of a lot more. As I said, right now this just feels like Abbas/Riley with a new paint job.

I wanted to end my critique there but I realised that leaves you with little to actually work with. Again, I suggest you read my critique on Pitch's Fell, but regardless I'll leave you with the following thoughts: What kind of story would you tell with Oni as he currently is? Would he seek to solve the injustice in the wRHG by force? Or on a smaller scale, would he seek to bring justice to the scoundrels that hide under the wRHG's diplomatic immunity. Those fiends like Abra, who content themselves killing people for no reason other than their own pleasure? Why is this story more interesting than the one you already told in his backstory? In short, what is Oni's goal? What does he seek to accomplish? How would he go about accomplishing it? Why does he insist on accomplishing it in that matter? I wish I could give you more, but as it stands I've nothing to really work off of.

I'll leave you with one last question, and this one is much more personal: What kind of interaction do you think Oni can offer the Lounge that we have not seen before? What kind of story can be told with him that couldn't be told with any other character? I am seriously asking here, because I can not think of a single one.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but his goal is to literally murder the RHG? Is there more to it than that, or are there other things that he pursues?

Well of course, he's your stereotypical samurai character right? His overarching goal may be to take down the RHG but his goal immediately after reviving was to take up the job as the people's champion, someone who could fight for the weak and protect those who couldn't protect themselves y'know? If he's not hunting a member of the RHG, he's hunting criminals or protecting civilians.