Link Love (2013-08-24)

Thought-provoking

“So when people felt power, they really did have more trouble getting inside another person’s head.
“What we’re finding is power diminishes all varieties of empathy,” says Dacher Keltner, a social psychologist at University of California, Berkeley, not involved in the new study. He says these results fit a trend within psychological research.” When Power Goes to Your Head, You May Stop Listening to Your Heart – Pandagon

“Creeping concessions is an expression coined by The Polyamorous Misanthrope[2] and it refers to any situation in which a friend, romantic partner, or an employer (or even a government), incrementally expects more and more out of a person –a little extra time, a little more money, a little extra help, a teensy indulgence, a few more “other duties as assigned.” Since the requests for “something extra” never amount to much on their own merits (after all, what’s one more dollar or just five more minutes?), it might seem selfish or unreasonable to refuse. Next thing you know, you’ve lost large amounts of money and/or huge chunks of time to something you’re pretty sure you didn’t explicitly agree.” On Gaslighting – The Polyamorous Misanthrope

“Last night, I was chatting with a friend and we started talking about how a lot of people just don’t get her. While she and I clicked pretty much from the start, she told me that when she meets people, they don’t always have the same easy conversation and connection that she and I have. As we explored why that might be, we realized that it’s because she’s a) incredibly intelligent, b) very direct in her communication, and c) attractive. In my observation and from talking with lots of other women who could be described similarly, plenty of people find that combination threatening. Actually, many folks feel threatened by a woman with any two of those three. But it wasn’t until last night that I put it all together: My friend is a black jellybean.” Do People Either Love You Or Hate You? – Role / Reboot

Equality

Here’s a dirty secret: those guys who react with fury and indignation? Lot of ‘em were flirting with you. You caught ‘em, you shot ‘em down and that hurt ‘em. Assuming you weren’t being cruel when you turned them down (“How DARE you? I’m ENGAGED, YOU LITTLE TROLL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!”), that little “UNGH, AS IF!” is their way of trying to take back the power. They’re trying to lash back at you – first by insulting you then by trying to make it about you rather than about them. “I’m not the wrong one here, you are…”. Secure guys say “well that sucks” and move on. Insecure guys freak the fuck out and try to gaslight you instead. Ask Dr. NerdLove: Schrödinger’s Come-On – Dr. NerdLove

“And his solution? Maybe he should just be a girl.
And it kills me. This would be a whole different challenge if I thought my son was questioning his own gender identity. For now, he’s not. He loves being a boy and all that it encompasses. I look at him and I just “get” boy radiating off him, whatever that means. However, despite all his “boyness,” EZ still steps outside the narrow construct of what it means to be male in our society. His deviation, whether it’s his preference to keep his blond curls long, or for the color pink, or for things that sparkle, are just a few parts that make up the totality of who he is. But for some people, that’s all they see and they immediately default to girl.” There Is No One Way To Be A Boy – Role / Reboot

“Gender as an organizing principle for how we value labor appears to have depressingly early, yet unsurprising, roots. Boys, on average, spend two fewer hours doing household chores per week than girls do (they play two hours more). And if they live in households where children are compensated for doing chores, boys make and save more money. Year after year, studies repeatedly confirm these patterns. The problems women face with unequal pay and housework duties actually start in childhood.” Even little kids have a wage gap – Salon

“The U.K.-based charity Karma Nirvana is urging victims of forced marriage to put a spoon in their underwear before they go to the airport to be flown off to their family’s homelands to meet their new spouses. The spoon will cause metal detectors at the airport to beep and the victims will be taken away from their parents to be searched, giving them one last chance to alert airport authorities that they’re being forced into marriage.” How a Spoon Can Save a Young Girl from Forced Marriage – Care2

“Since you are four years old, you know a lot of stuff, and you know that girls can like or do anything boys can. And boys can like or do anything girls can. Things are kind of silly right now because grown ups keep getting in the way of kids, and some grown ups who are in charge of the companies that make stuff for kids like toys and clothes, they don’t have good imaginations like you and I do. These grown ups try to fit kids into little boxes that are labeled “Boy” or “Girl”, and then they only let certain colors or ideas into each box. They do that because it makes it easier for them to sell their stuff. Since boys and girls don’t grow in boxes, you can see how really goofy this is. But I have to be honest with you, there are a lot of grown ups who don’t question these pink and blue boxes, and then they teach that thinking to their kids, and then their kids lose their imaginations. Those are the kinds of kids who say stuff to you at school about your blue shoes.” A Letter to Bella, and Other Girls With Blue Shoes – Pigtail Pals & Ballcap Buddies

“As feminists, I believe we have an interest in supporting, rather than condemning, egalitarian polyamorous relationships. These relationships reject male ownership of women and offer a challenge to traditionally gendered expectations for monogamy. In turn, they have the potential to disrupt gender roles in an even broader sense. We all stand to benefit from supporting relationships that serve as a model for less patriarchal, less hierarchical ways of intimately relating to one another.” Should Feminists Be Critical of Compulsory Monogamy? – Ms Magazine

Inspirational

“This evidence fed my belief that I had to protect myself by being something that I wasn’t, so that people could like me. And, so, I attracted people who were like that fake version of myself because like attracts like.
In my heart, I knew that I had more to offer the world.
In my heart, I knew that I was playing small. I was pretending. I was scared my brilliant radiance.
I told myself, no one likes the girl who talks to much. Or, the girl who is too passionate. ” – Loving Your True Nature – Mara Glatzel

“You are OK, just as you are. You are OK with childhood wounds and occasional bouts of crying and missed days of meditation. Illness does not mean there is something wrong with you.
It means something entirely different.
The fact that you’re coping with an illness means that you’re a superhero. That is something to be proud of. You have found strength you didn’t know you had. You’ve dealt with annoying symptoms. You’ve navigated the tricky medical system. You’ve rerouted your plans. You’ve learned to adjust. You’ve had to be flexible. You are a rock star!!!” My Hope For You – Chronic Resilience