Diary of a Celiac… and it ends with an apple tart/pie…thing

First and foremost, it is not obsessive once you get the hang of things. There is no need for panic.

Second, it does make one much more likely to think about food ahead of time far more than your typical person.

Third, when you don’t do the second thing, you will either want to (a) eat your own arm while out and about or (b) kick yourself repeatedly and then (3) eat something less than satisfactory but still within the “safe” range of “food”.

Think of it like a Hurricane Category Scale. It works something like this:

CATEGORY 5:
Hurricane Definition: Catastrophic damage will occur.
Celiac Definition: You so don’t even want to know….Worst of all: I have only myself to blame if I fail to plan, *I* fail myself.

Thursday was one of the days of my life that I ended up in a Category Three hunger mode.

My diary for Thursday would read something like this:

5:40AM: Why in God’s name am I awake? Oh yes, because I finally fell asleep at 3:15AM (thank you, obnoxious neighbors… but that’s another story), so naturally I should wake up, right?

7:00AM: Both girls are cuddled up with me reading a book and checking the very cool visual weather apps on the iPad.

8:00AM: All 3 of the girls are dressed and downstairs. Dad is off to work. Girls are eating breakfast and pestering each other. I am wondering where the coffee scooper is. Guess I should eat a little Greek yogurt too (thinking the protein will sustain me a little…).

9:30AM: And we’re off… to the bank, to the gas station, to day care and then to the airport. (I took pictures for a couple whose newly adopted son just arrived from South Korea.)

3:30PM: Wait, what? It’s 3?? Holy hell! It took forever for that little guy to make it through customs (seriously 2+ hours = unreal). Way to go, SeaTac for planning the arrival of 8 international flights within an hour. Oh yea. Awesome. But now, I thought I’d be back on the road by 2:45-3. Attempt to call hubby to check and day care to let her know. Cell battery is dead. Wonderful. Pit stop for car-charger and oh look… a Starbucks. I contemplate the dangers of buying the “protein” plate and tossing the bread/cracker thing and eating the rest… but I can’t figure out how it is package and whether I would be able to eat anything in it after the bread is tossed? (Is the bread packed separately or part of the mix? There in lies the question.) I am freakin’ hungry.

4:00PM Back on the highway for long drive home (considering traffic and that it is 44 miles to go). Still hungry. Seeing signs for McDonald’s, BK, blah…blah…blah… and I’m trying to hold out for dinner. After all, if I eat now, I’m not going to want dinner but will still be cooking it… BUT if i don’t eat something, I might just have to eat my arm off before too long.

4:25PM Reach into “secret hiding spot in car” in hopes that I have one remaining pack of nuts or jerky or SOMETHING. Disappointed to find *nothing* remaining. Open purse. Eat tic-tac. Anger at self ensues.

4:30PM My Love calls. Notices I’m “crabby” and responds with “just go get something”. My “crabbiness” is somewhat restrained as I contemplate shouting “AS IF IT IS THAT EASY” into the Bluetooth. (PS. That would so not have been cool, I’m glad I had some reserve brain power in order to hold my tongue.) Instead, I say… hey honey, what do you say we get pad thai or something tonight. He responds with “good idea, I was going to suggest the same”. See. I do love him.

5:30PM Husband is home and notices defrosted chicken. Calls to say “Hey… should we just stay in to eat the chi….” He is cut-off my raging hunger beasts (there are now three hungry ladies in the car) who say “HEY! I thought we could get pad thai tonight!” (And no, I was not alone in my response. Zoe was gladly louder than I was too. LOL)

7:45PM I think about being able to grad whatever/whenever. How, with a clear head, I can easily find something to eat – and even problem-solve; but when I’m hungry I totally cannot. I wished we had the money to start a gluten free food truck with wraps, sandwiches and soups. Because I really needed that: sandwich, wrap or soup. Something. Man, it can be frustrating sometimes.

But as I said, I have no one to blame but myself. I should have packed something – anything. A handful of almonds, a wrap sandwich, a little homemade spam musubi in a lunch tin, … etc. .. SOMETHING. I promise myself as I go to bed that night that I will try to avoid this in the future.

And I know full well it will happen again.

And then I wish for that freakin’ food truck again.

Hmm… if only.

……

Avoid hunger meltdowns. Make these and pack one for your next outing. I can’t call them apple turnovers (which usually use puff pastry) because they are not. This morning it hit me: these babies are like Hostess Fruit Pies… only minus the chemicals and gluten. Do you remember those?

Really – we (the girls and I) just tossed these together because they wanted to cook… and I wanted to use the apples up. I didn’t want another apple pie and I didn’t want to look up my recipes for pie crusts; thus this was born.

Actually, the dough is super pliable. I really like that. I rolls easily/nicely between two pieces of parchment paper. However, it is NOT a flaky crust. It totally is a Hostess Fruit Pie crust.

I think I will take this dough and play around with rolling in some bread pats or shredded butter (frozen stick = shredded in food processor) to form a flakier crust. But for now? This completely fits the bill. I am holding a tartlet/pie thingy in my hand as I write. I’m in heaven.

Tomorrow the girls and I will convert this to a savory pie. I have visions of cheesy goodness (although Zoe is dreaming of peanut butter and jelly within hers and Rory wants laver/seaweed (???!!) in hers). I guess we will see where this takes us.

If you give it a whirl, please come back and let us know what you did with yours!

AND PS: Next time, I’ll take pictures of us rolling it out. Guess I didn’t get those done as I was managing my two kitchen assistants (egad!) and their love of the stand-mixer.

In the bowl of your food processor (with the blade attachment), mix together your dry ingredients. Add the butter in pats (3 Tbsps. COLD butter cut into smaller pieces). Blend again until the butter is distributed evenly into tiny peas or smaller.

Add the cold water, lemon juice and egg. Mix again until it comes together to form a ball.

Scrap out and form into a disc. Wrap in plastic (or insert into a plastic bag) and refrigerate until ready to use.

When ready to use:

Preheat oven to 375F.

Divide dough into 6-8 pieces (depending on the size of your tartlets/pie thingies). We made 4 large triangles (made from 6-inch or so squares (BIG, IMHO!) and one open tart (8″ x 5″) for Dad.

Roll out your dough between two pieces of parchment paper to the desired thickness (about 1/4 inch). Fill with 2-4 Tablespoons (more/less depending on the size of you dough) of your desired filler. (We used mostly cooked apples with cinnamon a la apple pie filling for the ones in the photos – See below for a rough guess as to our “measurements”).

Bake on a piece of parchment paper for 15 minutes at 375. Lower the temperature to 350 and bake an additional 10 minutes until the outer edges of the crust turn golden.

Top with icing, if so inclined. (I used a pat of softened butter, 2 Tablespoons of milk and well… umm.. I didn’t measure but about 1/2 – 2/3 cup of powdered sugar. Mix to a semi-thick glaze and drizzle over the warm pie-lets).

6 comments on “Diary of a Celiac… and it ends with an apple tart/pie…thing”

Yum I can’t wait to find! I was laughing so hard at your blog about no food, I have been there a time a too needing food and none around and undestand that fustration. Once I stopped at my favorite gourment grocery store and got gluten free yougurt and then realized no spoon so went to deli part and they had plastic silver ware wrapped with napkin and that saved me once until I was able to get home, we should all carry small snacks in car when we know we are going to be gone long, a apple would help! hahah

You know, Kate, so often it is just a mental thing that I find myself doing, too. My “go to” car snacks are apples and nuts, but when those run out, sometimes I have to force myself (after all the self talk) to stop at a convenience store and get an apple, a banana, nuts, pistachios, or such, just to tide me over. Anyway, great “replay” of how one’s day can go and I love the looks of this apple turnover recipe!

Thank you for posting! I LOVE your flour mix but haven’t braved pie crust yet. This seems like a good next step.

Boy, I can totally relate to your diary. While I don’t have Celiac (my 3yo son does), I am sensitive to chemicals in food so fast food is out for me. I feel like all I do is manage food all day. Who’s going to eat what and when. As I eat one meal, I am already planning the next snack and meal.

Thanks for keeping it real. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who goes a little crazy when she’s hungry.

I’ve totally been there. I usually keep a Larabar or something in the glove box. Which reminds me, I need to replace the one I needed to eat a few days ago. I’m learning to find the little hidden ways of getting something quick out in the world, as fast food certainly isn’t in the realm of serving people with celiac disease or healthful food anyway. I’ve learned to just stop at a grocery store if I am in need. There’s usually SOMETHING I can eat without cooking it or having to wash it (produce).

Recently, I have been stocking up the console of my car with nuts…I worry all the time about being stranded somewhere with only McD and Starbucks around. I have noticed though that many gas stations/truck stops stock fresh fruit and cheese sticks. They just cost your arm…but that beats chewing on it.

Oh, thank you for this recipe! I just found it today, and my very first thought was EMPANADAS! There will be savory renditions filled with green chile loveliness in my house when I have a day off… after all the holidays, I guess!