BOYLESS ASKS,

I moved from a mixed school to an all-girls…..I know the ones from my school but they don’t recognize me, cos I have a new look…..

they are always joking about who likes who and their boyfriends…..I only just met these friends, my old ones went to a different school…..please help….
Boyless

Hey Boyless,

It sucks when you feel like you’re out of the loop. But it’s totally understandable. You’re in a new school. Your friends are new. Even your look is new. All that change can be a big adjustment. Give yourself some time!

When the convo turns to boys, jump in.

Yes, even when you’re “boyless”. Talk about the cute things boys do. Give details on what would be your perfect first date. Or, just change the subject and start a new convo! Get involved even if you don’t know as many boys yet.

Then what?

Ask your friends where they go to meet boys. Suggest a group hang out and have them introduce you to their guy friends. Have fun and don’t worry about being boyless. Show everyone how awesome you are boyfriend or not.

Again, remember to give it time. Focus on being yourself and building friendships. The rest will come naturally.

Do you have a question?

]]>http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-know-in-love/feed/02994My Best Friend Needs To Say Sorryhttp://thehopegirls.com/askthg-friend-say-sorry/
http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-friend-say-sorry/#respondSun, 28 Jan 2018 23:07:01 +0000http://thehopegirls.com/?p=2931HURT ASKS, My best friend and I are in a fight. She said some hurtful things. Is it wrong that I’m waiting for her to say sorry first?

HURT ASKS,

My best friend and I are in a fight. I miss her and miss talking to her, but she said some hurtful things and I think she needs to apologize. Is it wrong that I’m waiting for her to say sorry first?

Hurt

Hey Hurt,

You’re not wrong to want her to say sorry. However, it’s not about wrong or right. It’s about dealing with hurt feelings and getting your friendship back on track. Friends fight and sometimes someone says the wrong thing. What’s important is working through it.

Is this argument worth missing your best friend? I think you already know the answer to that question.

Chances are she is missing you too but feels awkward saying sorry. It’s okay if you reach out to her first. Put the hurt aside and talk to your friend. Talk to her about how the fight made you feel. Be honest. Tell her why you are hurt, but don’t play the blame game. If she knows that she hurt you, she probably already feels bad enough.

Arguments usually go two ways. Was there anything negative you might have said during the fight? Own up to it. Get everything out in the open.

Then comes the important part…move on! The point is to mend things and get your friendship back to BFF status.

Then go have fun. Be friends again! We suggest a movie. It gives you a chance to hang out together without having to do a lot of talking. Then afterward you can talk about the movie instead of having to think or talk about the fight.

We hope you get back to being besties soon. Let us know how everything goes!

NOT ME ASKS,

I’m tired of people thinking I’m mean like my friend K. She is my best friend and I love her. The problem is K acts like a bitch. Like she’s mean to people. Not to me, but pretty much to everyone else. People are not her thing. Everyone thinks because I hang out with her I’m like that. I feel like I’m always defending her. Telling everyone if you really knew her, she’s cool. I’ve asked her to chill, but she won’t. I’m so not like that and I don’t want other people thinking I am. She thinks it’s funny, but I don’t. What do I do?

Not Me

Hey Not Me,

Not fair! People shouldn’t judge you on your friend K’s behavior. You’re not her! You have your own identity.

You also don’t need to defend her. She has her own identity, too. K decides how she treats people. You may want people to see her differently, but that’s not up to you.

You cannot change other people’s behavior. All you can change how it affects you.

When they assume you are mean

Brush it off! Let it go! Move on!

Truth is, they’re also being mean by judging you unfairly. So don’t let it get to you. YOU know that you are a nice person. If they can’t see that then that’s on them. Try finding people to hang out with that see you for you.

When K acts mean

Brush it off! Let it go! Move on!

In that moment, asking her to chill gives her fuel to keep going. No one wants to be told what to do, especially in front of other people. Plus, you can’t control how she acts.

Instead, try having an easy relaxed convo with her when the two of you are just hanging out. Let her know how you feel. Tell her that you support her as a friend, but you don’t support her actions towards other people.

It’s possible that she feels nervous or insecure around people. Acting mean could be her way of coping. Encourage her to talk about why she’s mean.

Ultimately, she will do what feels right to her. You don’t have to agree with everything she does just because you are friends. Don’t worry about changing her or other’s opinions of you. Just be yourself!

hope, pickles, and lots of love,
gabriella & veronicaThe Hope Girls

What about you?

Do you and your best friend have a big difference? Let us know about it in the comments!

Do you have a question?

]]>http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-mean-friend/feed/02953How Do I Get Over Being Socially Awkward?http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-socially-awkward/
http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-socially-awkward/#respondMon, 15 Jan 2018 00:16:33 +0000http://thehopegirls.com/?p=2991SA ASKS, How do I get over being socially awkward? It’s not severe or anything I can go out with my friends and stuff. I just don’t like crowds.

SA ASKS,

How do I get over being socially awkward? It’s not severe or anything I can go out with my friends and stuff. I just don’t like crowds. If I go to the mall, I have a slight panic attack. I can shop, but I try to get out of there quickly. I’ve started saying no when my friends ask me to go to the mall so I don’t have to deal with it. But I really want to hang out with them. Is there anything I can do to help myself feel less socially awkward?

SA

Hey SA,

Being socially awkward is something most of us have dealt with. You’re definitely not alone in how you feel. The good news is you are aware of it and you want to learn how to manage it.

Try to think of your social awkwardness as a habit. It’s a habit you can work on changing.

It’s time to take on a new pattern of behavior. Sure… that sounds easy peasy, right?

Okay, it will take some work. But it is totally possible. You need to reprogram your brain to feel more at ease in these types of situations.

Taking the awkward out of being social

Before you go out:

Give yourself a pep talk. Think about the positive things that will happen while you are out. Think about having fun hanging with your friends. Stand in front of the mirror and repeat:

I can do this!

I will stay calm!

I will have fun!

Tell a friend. Let one person in on what’s going on. They can help advert attention from you if you’re feeling overwhelmed. They can help you get through a crowd, or distract you from your own thoughts. Plus, sometimes, just knowing you are with someone who understands can help put you at ease.

Out and about:

Breathe. This is so important! If you start feeling a panic attack creeping up, take several deep breaths. Inhale through your nose for about 3 to 4 seconds. Hold it for about 2 seconds and then exhale through your mouth for another 3-4 seconds.

Breathing in and out slowly will help relax your body. This is something you can do right in the middle of a group and no one will even notice. When your heart starts racing take a few deep breaths.

Remember your pep talk. Remind yourself that you got this. You are having a good time with your friends, you’re safe and you will stay calm.

Use your headphones. Pop in your headphones for a few minutes and listen to some music or use an app that can help you feel zen. It might be all you need to distract your mind.

Take a small break. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom or go outside for a few minutes. You can go alone or ask the friend you confided in to go with you. Take some time to regroup and then try starting over.

When you start over, let what happened go. Don’t give it any power. Move on and start fresh.

Know yourself. Know when enough is enough. If you decide it’s too much and nothing is working, it’s perfectly okay to go home.

Things to remind yourself:

Okay, that happened, no big deal.

I am taking the steps to work on it.

I will try again next time.

It doesn’t have to be today, but I’ll keep working at it.

Don’t stress over it. It’s important to remember that these things take time. There’s no rush. Be patient, kind and understanding with yourself.

Take it one step at a time. As you become more comfortable, you can increase the amount of time you spend at the mall or in similar situations.

For some feeling socially awkward goes away easily, for others it requires a bit more help. If things don’t seem to get better, consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Always do what is right for you. Never be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. You deserve to feel comfortable and happy.

hope, clouds, and lots of love,
gabriella & veronicaThe Hope Girls

What about you?

Have you ever felt socially awkward? Do you have any tips that help you?

Do you have a question?

]]>http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-socially-awkward/feed/02991Is Our Friendship Over?http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-our-friendship/
http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-our-friendship/#respondSun, 07 Jan 2018 23:31:16 +0000http://thehopegirls.com/?p=2795My best friend is hanging with a new group of people and now he is a jerk. We never hang out anymore. Is our friendship over?

MARK ASKS,

My best friend is hanging with a new group of people and now he’s such a F-ing jerk. I told him he was being an ass. He said I’m just boring. We never hang out anymore. Is our friendship over?

Mark

Hey Mark,

Changes can be hard, especially when it’s your friendship. As much as you would like things to stay the same, people change.

What you can’t do:

Make his decisions.
Change who he hangs out with
Change how he acts.

What you can do:

Decide what is right for you.
Talk to him.

It’s time to find out for real if he still wants to be friends. Try having a conversation. Be straight. Ask him if he thinks the friendship is over. Leave out the part about him being an ass (not super helpful).

If he says he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, it might be time to move on. We know it is hard to move on from a friendship, but sometimes it’s the best thing.
You will have many friends in your life. Some stick around and some just come and go.
Either way, you deserve a great friend. If it’s not meant to be him, it will be someone else. A friendship takes two people willing to make an effort.

Do you have a question?

]]>http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-our-friendship/feed/02795Did I Make a Huge Mistake?http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-huge-mistake/
http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-huge-mistake/#respondSun, 31 Dec 2017 23:05:52 +0000http://thehopegirls.com/?p=2967T ASKS, Did I make a huge mistake? I found out the guy I liked actually liked me. This past weekend he was over at my house and we had sex.

T ASKS,

Did I make a huge mistake? I found out the guy I liked actually liked me. I have secretly liked him for two years. So finding he felt the same was extra.

Two weeks ago, we met up at a friend’s house. We have been hanging out ever since. It’s been amazing! This past weekend he was over at my house and we had sex. We were messing around and we decided to do it.

The thing was that I was a virgin. I was super nervous, but he was so sweet. He kept making sure I really wanted to do it and asking if I was ok. He is so adorable! We used a condom and he was so careful.

I was completely ok with everything and enjoyed it. We’ve hung out since, but we have not had sex again yet. He is the best guy I have ever dated. I’m so falling for him. The only problem is now I wonder if it was it too soon. Was it a mistake?

T

Hey T,

You shouldn’t worry about whether or not it was a mistake. You made a choice and went with it. Don’t stress over things you can’t change.

Could you have waited? Yes, definitely. Was it too soon? Maybe. But, it’s a part of your story now. Be proud of yourself for making positive choices like using protection and both of you consenting.

Now, instead of wondering if it was a mistake, focus on what comes next.

Are you ready to have sex again?

Doing it once doesn’t mean you need to rush into doing it again. You get to decide when it’s the right time. Questioning your decisions and being unsure could be a sign that you’re not quite ready.

Do you feel ready to have sex again?

Having the right information can help when making an important decision. Talk to your doctor about your birth control options and ways to prevent STIs.

Sex is a big step and can sometimes make things feel awkward. Work on having a strong relationship outside of the physical stuff. Take it one a step at a time. There is no rush and no right answers. Everyone is different. Enjoy the process.

hope, crumbs, and lots of love,
gabriella & veronicaThe Hope Girls

You’re Turn!

Have you ever done something and questioned if it was the right decision?

Would you consider it a mistake or learning experience?

Do you have a question?

]]>http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-huge-mistake/feed/02967My Friends and I are Bored. Ideas Please!http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-bored-ideas/
http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-bored-ideas/#respondSun, 17 Dec 2017 23:43:46 +0000http://thehopegirls.com/?p=2923BORED ASKS, My friends and I are bored.There are six of us and we are all 15. We usually just watch a movie. Ideas, please!

BORED ASKS,

My friends and I are bored. Here’s the deal. My best friends and I hang out every weekend. There are six of us and we are all 15. We all go to the same church and all of our parents know each other. It’s great except that they won’t let us go anywhere. We can stay up late and do pretty much what we want it just needs to be at one of our houses. So, we switch houses each weekend. We really don’t care, because our parents are pretty cool, we’re just bored. We usually just watch a movie. Ideas, please!

Bored

Hey Bored,

Hanging out with your best friends, every weekend sounds great! The being bored part, not so much. The key to ending boredom is thinking outside the box.

Let your creativity go wild! You and your friends will come up with something new and fun.

Bored no more!

Revamp your movie night

For sweet-cutesy movies, have ooey-gooey deserts. For an action flick, you could have spicy foods that have a “kick”.

Have a game night

Have each person bring a game. Make it into a friendly competition. You can play as individuals or split up into teams.

Costume party

Everyone can come dressed as anything with one exception: no wearing normal clothes. Then give out some awards, like best costume, or funniest, weirdest, most unexpected, most creative etc.

Karaoke Time

You don’t need to be singers. Messing up and not sounding like Beyoncé makes it more fun. Don’t forget to do some duets and a group sing along.

Pizza

Have everyone bring their fav candy. Use them as toppings to make dessert pizzas. For the crust, you can use pizza crust, cookie dough, rolled out cinnamon dough or anything you like.

Open mike night

Everyone takes a turn performing. You can sing a song, do a dance, tell jokes, or share a funny story.

We could keep going, but that should get you started.

Don’t put a limit on your imagination. Take any of these ideas and bump it up a notch with your own unique twist.

Have everyone write down their ideas and throw them in a hat.

At the end of each weekend, pick something new for the next weekend.

Then you have all week if you need to prepare anything.

Have fun!

Veronica Says:

We love doing movie-themed nights. One time we watched a movie about a robbery and we ate finger foods. Anything you could eat with your hands. Fries, chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks etc. Get it? It’s called the5 finger discount when you steal something.

hope, karaoke, and lots of love,
gabriella & veronicaThe Hope Girls

Your turn!

What do you and your friends do when you are bored?

Share your ideas in the comments below!

Do you have a question?

]]>http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-bored-ideas/feed/02923Do I Tell Him I Have Feelings for Him?http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-i-have-feelings/
http://thehopegirls.com/askthg-i-have-feelings/#respondSun, 10 Dec 2017 21:39:29 +0000http://thehopegirls.com/?p=2982LOST ASKS, My best friend is leaving for a year. We’ve dated before, but I have feelings for him again.Do I tell him before he leaves?

LOST ASKS,

My best friend is leaving for a year. We spend a lot of time together and we really enjoy each other’s company. We’ve dated before but broke up due to some horrid rumours, but I have feelings for him again. Do I tell him before he leaves?

Lost

Hey Lost,

Yes! You should tell him!

Share your feelings with him before he leaves.

Rumors are nasty. It sucks that you felt you had to end your relationship because someone else decided to be mean-spirited. We can imagine it made things pretty awkward. But don’t let what happened in the past keep you from what could happen in the future.

There’s no guarantee how he will react or feel, but it’s worth the risk. No matter what happens, be proud of yourself for being honest and brave.

Have you ever felt like a stress zombie? Has stress had you stumbling around, moaning incoherently and barely feeling alive?

Braaaainnnnssss. Mmmmm I neeeed braaaainnnnssss.

Actually… I just need to find my own brain!

Why ya gotta do me like that stress?

Friend drama, SAT’s, college applications, crushes, jobs, peer pressure! Ahhhh! Before you know it you have chewed through your last pencil.

Feeling seriously stressed out?

Trust me, you’re not alone. More teens than ever are feeling overwhelmed with stress!

Nobody wants to feel stress! Yet, it has a sneaky way of wiggling into your brain and affecting your life.

Before my graduation, stress became the clumsy sidekick I never wanted.
I had a zillion things on my mind. Where am I going to college? Why is there only so much time in a day? What am I doing with my life?

I was awake at three in the morning with a stress stomachache. This was beyond butterflies. I felt tense and nauseous. SAT prep books surrounded me. There was a mountain of crumpled up papers filled with failed attempts at college application essays.

I was exhausted, worried, losing my mind and definitely not enjoying the process.

I was turning into a stress zombie!

That night I realized something had to change.

Stress was not about to win!

That’s when I figured out how to trick stress.

5 easy ways to trick stress:

Take a Time Out

No, you don’t have to go sit in a corner. Timeouts weren’t so cool when you were four. Now, you totally want one. When you’re buried in overwhelming “to-dos” take occasional ten-minute timeouts. It gives your brain time to recharge. Plus, it helps you relax, chill and refocus. Scroll through Instagram or listen to music.

Write it Out

Stop the thoughts from swirling around in your brain. Get them out of your head and onto paper. Fill it up with everything that’s overwhelming you.

Once you have unloaded, pick out the “must dos”. Make a list putting your “must dos” in order of importance. This way, you can see where to start and concentrate on one thing at a time.

Take the other thoughts that don’t need immediate attention and set them aside. You know they are there but don’t have to worry about dealing with them right away.

Trick Booster: When you get some time, order a pizza, and start contemplating the meaning of love.

Talk it Out

Are you talking to yourself?

I’m sure you have very interesting conversations… But when the voices in your head have nothing good to say, it is time to talk to someone else. Talk to a friend, sibling, parent or someone you feel comfortable with. Talk about the things that are overwhelming you.

Don’t just text your worries, verbalize them. You have to actually talk it out. Call someone or meet for a coffee. It will help you release your feelings and gain some clarity.

Trick Booster: Hearing the voice of someone you care about can have a calming effect.

Get Moving

When you start freaking out, unload the negative energy by sweating it out. Get up and get moving. Moving your body releases tension and clears your mind. It also wakes up your endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Go to the gym, go for run, or go for a bike ride.

Trick Booster: My favorite way to get moving? Dancing!

Breathe and Stretch

Breathing totally tricks stress! When stress is making you tense, take a few deep breaths. Breathe in, hold for a few seconds, and breathe out. It will help you relax your muscles and refocus your brain.

Stretching has the same effect. You don’t have to become a gymnast. A few simple stretches will do the trick. Tilt your head side to side holding for a few seconds, roll your shoulders, and reach towards the ceiling. This trick is simple enough to use anywhere.

Trick Booster: Start stress sweating in the middle of a big test? Take a few deep breaths at your desk and roll your shoulders (no one will even notice).

Before you turn into a stress zombie, use these super simple tips to trick stress!

Brains are not good for your diet, anyway.

I changed the way I dealt with overwhelming moments and actually started enjoying the graduation process. Now that I am in college, I am loving ( and needing) these tricks more than ever! They’re easy and they work!

Here is one more trick to beat stress. Share this everywhere and save the world from a stress zombie apocalypse!

Go ahead and comment! We’re listening!

I’d definitely rather eat pizza than brains! What about you?

When was the last time you were a stress zombie?

What’s been stressing you out lately?

Is there anything you do to trick stress?

and it sounds like…

Don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Singing’ don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright