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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The Southern Zodiac

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Although
you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have
tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see
the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)Chitlins
come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of
himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with
Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best
with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20) You
have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of
things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of
everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you
had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you,
so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (Mar 21 - April 20)You're
the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to
recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the
key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely
interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the
year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (APR 21 - May 21) When
confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to
withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you
become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is
probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One
day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually
running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21)Crawfish
is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around
the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool
to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not
particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards
have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot"
of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them.
Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers.
As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from
Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)Catfish
are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one whiskers may
cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to
understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life.
Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)Your
highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle
together with a big crowd of other Grits. Where do you like to go?
Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you
can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You
have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those
who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your
personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect
you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You
should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain
way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that
people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (October 24 - Nov 22) Always
invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with
everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the
vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can
sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do
with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)You
have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite
gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit,
worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with
today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about
today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior
patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is
another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.