After an Orgasm, I'm NOT Satisfied & Still Aroused

I do have a problem and I don't know if I'm able to describe it in all it's complex details. I am able to orgasm by clitoral stimulation both by myself and my boyfriend. It sure feels good having it stimulated and so does the orgasm, but somehow sexual excitement seems to go into the wrong direction with me. It somehow is always connected with anger and I don't mean the arousement results from the anger but the other way round. After an orgasm I'm not "satisfied".

My sexual arousement has grown big at this point and the orgasm can't bring me down again, no matter how often I orgasm. I'm able to do this a few times in a row and maybe other women take this as a gift, but it is not satisfying and after sex I always am in the worst mood ever though I did come.

It gets worse with every orgasm, because excitement keeps on growing but can't be brought down again. It's even when masturbating that there is no point of satisfaction, where I am happy about the orgasm(s) I had, but always the anger of not being satisfied growing with every minute I keep it going. Maybe I do have to add that I only feel sexual excitement in my body, but barely in my mind. Having sex is always a rational decision, sexual arousement (body) followed by stimulation and as I said, I feel aroused and am able to orgasm. The problem is the satisfaction part, there seems no way to achieve that. And because I know I'm always angry and unsatisfied afterwards, this also has the effect that I like to have sex less and less.
I went off birth control to check if it had something to do with it. But since that I experience to be very sensitive and easily brought to anger in general (pms?), so that this problem even got worse and affects my relationship because I connect sexual pleasure (body) with anger (mind). I consider myself as sex positive and would love to get some joy out of it, but I don't. And because my boyfriend gets lots of pleasure out of it and sex means a lot (!) to him, I feel more and more bothered by that. It would be great if you had an advice on how to handle or solve this problem.

Your advices in the past always helped so much!! Thanks for your great work.
xx
S.

Dear S,

Just recently I had a discussion with a friend of mine. She's a therapist while my expertise is sexology, helping women discover orgasm and pleasure. What you have described sounds like "persistent sexual arousal" that does not feel good to the person who can't get away from it. I'm going to forward your email to her and let's see what she has to say. I believe she has dealt with this before.

Her questions were, "how old is she, when did it start and there is the part of how much her boyfriend loves sex that's questionable". She can pull up the DSMV and look for sexual disorders not listed before, PGAD, persistent genital arousal disorder is a complicated diagnosis. It is no longer called PSAD because it was considered incorrect and a slam to libido, a judgmet so to speak."

It just so happens that Carlin posted the latest DSMV that deals with this. So it would seem that some kind of therapy with a competent doctor is in order. Let me know how you solve this problem.

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PGAD used to be called Persistent Sexual Arousal Disorder. The reason it was changed to "Genital Arousal) is because it is not, not, a Sexual Problem. The reports of women who SUFFER with this sounds like you may too. The part the interests me is you say you are experiencing frustration because the orgasms don't provide any real release. Do you experience these sensations at times other than when you're with your partner? Are you in a relentlessly aroused state that happens without stimulation at other times?
Women with PGAD report that intense arousal can present at any time sometimes brought on my a sight, a smell a sound. Others say its just there all the time. I have known women who need hours of morning preparation before work to masturbate over and over hoping to alleviate the "pain." Typically if they can, the urge returns.

We don't know what causes this. There are various opinions including injury, neurological connections. hormonal instability, anxiety, etc.

You also describe your partner's (!) drive as intense. Is there perhaps some unexplored conflict you have with him around sex, some anger you feel that drives your problem? The mind can be a powerful force and expresses emotional pain by showing it thru the body.

When did this occur? Can you think back to when it started and what was happening in your life at that time? was there an event of importance, a loss, a time of mourning or strong anxiety.?

If this is the correct diagnosis there are some medicines that could help, exploration in therapy of your relationship and your own stressors and anxieties is important. I say that while also urging you to go to the "right" doctor. If you are interested you can let me know. Many professionals have never heard of this and many others you ask will just think you are unappreciative of a "good thing."
I know this is a disturbing and distressing problem.

This I've always envied women: To go on and on when masturbating or fucking and come and come again. I know that some girls get too sensitive when working up an orgasm, but why don't you just wait some time and then proceed. More, you have so many ways of stimulate yourself with and where.

You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him find it within himself. Aristotle

Hi, my name is Johanna Vante and I suffer from PSAS/PGAD/ReGS for 6 years now. I run 2 PSAS-support groups in the Netherlands. I am in contact with PSAS-women from all over the world. Of which many are suicidal, or land on psychiatric wards, because of this horrible monster! A monster that totally ruins the lives of women who are really suffering from it.

Allow me to explain a few things about this condition. First: Ever since the discovery of PSAS/PGAD/ReGS in 2001, all kinds of outrageous stories about this condition have been buzzing around. Because the condition has a sexual connotation, causing it to appeal to the imagination of (mainly) men, the sensation orientated media has regrettably presented this syndrome out in a disgusting manner. Tall stories about women having 100 or even 800 orgasms per day, has spectacularly boosted tabloid or magazine sales. The truth about PSAS is a lot less sensational, much more complicated and it is NOT at all enjoyable or fun to those who really suffer from it.

PSAS/PGAD/ReGS has been scientifically proven not to be a psychological/mental disorder but a physica/medical condition only that involves nerves.

PSAS manifests as arousal that occurs apart from ANY of the physical or psychological stimuli that trigger normal sexual arousal. As its name suggests, the feeling is unrelenting. It fluctuates only in degree of intensity. Orgasm not only does not relieve the feeling, it actually exacerbates the sensation: after only a few moments or minutes of relief following orgasm, the sensation returns. PSAS is persistent, highly unwanted, involuntary, unrelated to subjective feelings of sexual desire, unrelated to hormones, unrelated to libido, is intrusive and causes distress, stress, isolation, insomnia, embarrassment, shame, anxiety, distraction, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts…..

It interferes with work, marriage, relationships, social life No need to say that the impact is huge. Interest in sex declines as an orgasm doesn’t resolve anything and only makes the symptoms worse. A dilemma every single minute of the day AND night because the urge to relief yourself is almost unbearable but remains or in most cases only grows after orgasm. That part of our bodies is living its own life. There is no joy or pleasure what so ever in having sex!! Women have begged their doctors to amputate that part of their bodies. One woman did go for the surgical clitoridectomy!! After removal the symptoms didn’t subside.

Women with PSAS do NOT crave sex. On the contrary!! Involuntary living on the verge of an orgasm 24/7 is torture, is living hell!

The condition has been renamed recently and is now called: Restless Genital Syndrome (ReGS) The words ‘Arousal’ and ‘Sexual’ in previous names suggest that it is a Sexual thing. A breakthrough in Scientific research in the Netherlands shows that the Nervus Dorsalis Clitoridis is responsible for the symptoms. It is hyperesthesia and neuropathy of that nerve and possible other nerves in the pelvic area that is driving women completely crazy...

Johanna Vante (Netherlands)

For more info and scientific articles on ReGS (prof. dr Marcel Waldinger) visit:

Well I don’t know
if I have same problem but one thing what I know. Is that after I play with myself
and feel good and it good am not that
much satisfied. It like that I want more and more the hunger to play with myself
this is sometimes crazy. Even if I can be little wet I just keep playing coz I want
feel more good. Yeah I may feel little frustrate
coz I didn’t get the full body orgasm. And for now I know that I mostly struggled with my mental blocks. But still I enjoy sex

I suffer an interesting issue, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure it out. I am a bisexual and have always had a very high sex drive. I've had a lot of sexual experience in my life, including sex with multiple partners. I always played safe and and clean :). I am accustomed to having sex multiple times a day, and consider myself to have enough sex drive for 3 people. I've always had a higher sex drive than anyone of my partners.

I've always blamed my partners for my wanting more, because then it would be their lack of skill or ability to please me. That would be partially because I do like starting out with a virgin and telling them everything I know, although it is frustrating at times. I am currently in a wonderful relationship with a woman who has just began in sex, and through thoughts, I have realized that this, as well as previous relationships I've had, I've always found it difficult to get that "wow" factor, that sexual encounter to really tell me I'm done for the night. To me, sex is like candy, once I have it, I want it more, just from the thought of it. I used to embrace it and love that about myself, but now I feel like I have a problem, like I can't be satisfied no matter what any partner does for me. I have come to terms with the fact that I am usually the one to have the higher sex drive whenever I'm with a partner, and I realize that they do get tired and don't have sex drives like I do, so I don't have sex with them despite my lust or need for sex and distract myself with other things.

I am also into BDSM so I find that I need to have extremely thrilling sex to actually be satisfied, especially with pain. When I make love with my lady now, I find myself more satisfied making love to her, than vice versa, because I'm focusing on her, and not on myself. I wonder if there's something wrong with my mind, as if there's a mental block in my mind not allowing me to feel satisfied. I do orgasm quite often in sex, and after I have a few, I keep wanting more. It's very rare that I actually want to stop during sex, and I stop because my partner tells me they're done.

I watch porn on a regular basis, I don't masturbate every day because I have things to do during the day. I also work out every other day to control my sexual need for fulfillment. I seem to find myself when I'm kissing my girlfriend to be thinking of what else I could be doing to her. I've realized that when it comes to pleasing me, I usually think of how else I can be pleased, what else they could be doing. I wonder if I have an issue of fulfillment. I used to love my sex drive, but am not quite so sure now.

I have all of these images of fantasies that could be played out in my mind that I wish could occur, and would love to be played out. I love my partner, and am wondering if it's an issue with me, and how to fix it. I seem to think about sex essentially as much as possible. I used to love it when I was single, but it tends to drive me insane because I wonder if it's my own fault I'm unfulfilled. Every time I have had sex, I tend to think back on it and relive it in my mind and try to think of ways I could have heightened it, or things that could have happened.

For example, last time she and I had sex, she was the dominant one and gave me quite a bit of pain, which I enjoyed, but I always wonder about what it would have been like if she had given me more pain, which I enjoy. I also have a very high threshold to pain when it comes to sex. I seem to enjoy sex more when pain is involved, it drives me over the edge. I know she is new at that, and is still learning and believe it's part of my lack of fulfillment, but I really do enjoy being brought to my absolute highest level of pain to reach the utmost orgasm.

I wonder if it's something to do with my mental release when it comes to sex. I've been accustomed to sex being an escape from life as a result of many things from my life. I've realized the times I've usually had that "wow" factor are when I'm under the influence of alcohol and I don't think as much about what's going on, but more so am in the moment

Ok...so this might be off topic...but I can't seem to find anything on the internet and none of the women I know have this problem. I have the opposite problem that you ladies are describing. I can reach an awesome orgasm (and pretty quickly too) and I get crazy turned on (by myself or with a partner). But immediately after I lose ALL arousal and don't want to have sex or play with myself anymore. In fact I really find it hard to keep going or even fake that I'm still interested. I get really turned off to the point where now I avoid having an orgasm because it interferes with my sex life and if I try to hold off having one then I can't cum at all. Also I want to say that I really feel for the women on here who have described their dilemna. Relentless arousal sounds pretty bad and I hope you are finding some relief. I just thought I would ask around to see if anyone else has experienced what I have at any point?

Hi,
I'm there too now.... but I was not always there or my condition is not that constant.. When I was with my boyfriend I was turned only when he begins to touch me.. but now, after our breakup, since I'm single, I'm always turned on, that's really exhausting, I masturbate, I get orgasms, but I'm still aroused... it's a time consuming.. I think it's linked to my anxiety, my after-breakup depression and my anger.... I think I need to focus on other aspects of life and that will be solved then.... but really it's not a fun situation.... It's like riding a non-stop train!!!

I cant achieve orgasm while having sex unless its because of my clitoris. It makes me feel like a freak. And because of that i have to masturbate but even then i feel like it didnt work. Its highly problematic. I feel like i dont have a "gspot" ive had a handful of partners altogether and none of them have accomplished this. My latest boyfriend was upset by this not at me but it made him feel like he was doing something wrong....what should i do?

because you have been conditioned to romantic imsges of sex and love that society is addicted to. Stop looking at sex and orgasm as your only worth and get involved in some creative projects. Get a hobby or do some kind of sport. You are MORE than your orgasms.

Instead of being focussed on being broken, at least balance that out by reading the free information on the website. But STOP being obsessed with sex. It's only part of our lives, not everything! And it's too damn bad that your lover boys feel they have failed. That's NOT your problem, it's their egos hurting. We are each responsible for our own sexual pleasure with or without orgasms.