Election Day – You decide….

Election day will be here soon but will we still be here or will the World have been blown to smithereens by then? After all Donald Trump has just got cross with Kim Jong-Un again. Donald hates Kim and is threatening to blow the fat off his face with the biggest bomb since Hiroshima. Let’s face it – things are not looking good over there in North Korea.

Election day is coming to Britain and deciding who to vote for isn’t as easy as spotting an elephant in a cupboard. No sir, some of the British public are still undecided on who will make the best Prime Minister. Even legitimate reporters and academicians seem divided over the true impact of this election.

So what’s going on? Your friends on Facebook are busy signing petitions so that refugees can set up bean shops in North London, while crotchety old men and angry college girls are protesting in the streets.

They’re obviously not protesting enough because the gap between those working for a pay cheque and those young and stupid enough to think they can change the world while Daddy subsidises their rent has never been wider.

Is this election about the political philosophy you cherish while drinking wine and discussing Karl Marx? Or is it more to do with control, power and money?

Who knows, perhaps it’s the latter.

So who do we want to be the next Prime Minister? Do we want a left wing socialist who is threatening to choke us to death on taxpayer funded steroids or do we want a true blue Tory who will keep us flush in false hope, monopoly money and little else?

Lets consider the candidates:

Tories – Theresa May.

Some people believe that it’s time for a female Prime Minister. Any female will do. Just pick one and we’ll pretend she’s amazing at everything she does. Honest, hardworking, selfless, sturdy, excellent legs.

You could ask Theresa May’s supporters to name her top three achievements but they will simply retort with their campaign slogan,

“I’m With Her – Any Her Will Do.”

That’s not a reasoned answer but this isn’t about reason. This is about electing a woman and it will change everything.

Theresa really wants to be the next Prime Minister and so do the vast majority of the media. Maybe that’s why they ignore her deplorable record and frightening facial expressions.

Labour – Jeremy Corbyn.

Despite the fact that thousands of young Labour party activists have declared Jeremy Corbyn as their hippy atheist god almighty, every pollster is predicting he will lose this election by a country mile.

I’m reluctantly forced to admire these young utopian dreamers. Before you get your first crappy job or unwanted pregnancy or lousy marriage this is the time to dream of a perfect world.

Yes, this is Jeremy’s world, where everybody chooses bikes over cars, the homeless are no longer hungry, alcoholics are misunderstood poets and the guy at Starbucks makes £40:00 an hour.

But Jeremy’s politics aren’t about childish dreams are they. No they’re about his manifesto being dropped in the trashcan of reality.

Finally, Brexit.

Has Brexit has made our people less tolerant or more open minded? What used to be reasoned debate has now been high-jacked by the five hundred people that you’ve friended on Facebook because they think just like you do. Now you’re certain you’re right. Debate has been replaced by emojis and likes.

It really doesn’t matter now. Soon your days of open travel to Italy for the amazing Venice festival will be over. You will need to get a visa at the airport.

Yeah, Brexit. The people have spoken. Was this democracy in action or will it ultimately prove to be repression at the hands of that vengeful Eurocrat Jean Claude Juncker?