Bill Gates Offers Solution to Immigration Problem

(2007-03-08) — Microsoft founder Bill Gates, alarmed that immigration curbs sparked by terrorism threats limit access to talented tech workers from overseas, today said his firm will work with the U.S. government to install “a virtual firewall at the borders that would let the good geeks in and keep the malicious geeks out.”

Mr. Gates offered the resources of Microsoft’s security specialists, many of whom come from foreign countries, to code and deploy the virtual firewall based on the security framework of Windows XP, the best-known operating system among computer security experts.

Tentatively dubbed “MS Gates XP Homeland” the virtual firewall would trigger a series of challenges when an alien tried to enter U.S. territory.

A source at the Immigration and Naturalization Service said the INS is grateful for Microsoft’s offer, but early testing of the new system indicates there are “still some bugs to work out.”

“In our drills with MS Gates XP Homeland,” the unnamed source said, “our border guards developed a false sense of security which ultimately led to their positions being overrun by illegal aliens to the extent that the border checkpoints shut down, or in some cases were taken over and operated by the malicious outsiders.”

Microsoft issued 75 security patches on the first day of testing, and suggested that the INS upgrade to MS Gates XP Pro. — as reported by satrist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace