Frankenstein weed threatens children and OAPs

Hippies may already be addicted to pharm crops

Frankenstein crops laden with drugs have infected wild plants around the world after their escape from the GM laboratories and field trials where scientists promised they would be kept safe.

Parents might want to keep their children from playing in green spaces after a series of revelations published by Greenpeace and GeneWatch UK today that describe the infiltration of natural plant species by Frankenstein genes.

Crops genetically engineered to carry drugs in their stems have infected other plants with their horrifying payload, said the green campaigners, whose latest study shows that Frankenstein crops are spreading more rapidly than they had feared, through illegal planting and corporate cover-ups of infections.

Whatever next? It can surely only be a matter of time before these revelations provoke rants about GM corporations deliberately infecting the conventional food chain with crops laced with addictive drugs.

The extent of the danger became apparent when an El Reg reporter discovered during a GM-induced shamanistic reverie a commune of hippy travellers living in a field infected by drug-laden Frankenstein crops. Police forcibly removed them but let them return when the extent of their addiction became apparent.

We ran the news by a bloke we met in a pub, who claimed an interest in science.

As GM infections of conventional crops increased, he said, it heightened the chance that a genetic mutation could spread from GM monster weeds to humans.

"The result could be even more horrifying than Day of the Triffids. Crossing plant and human genes won't just give you carnivorous plants, our civilisation could be undermined by a generation of kids with pea brains and wheat hearts," he said.

"And we should not underestimate the sort of havoc rye humours could wreak on our society," he said. ®