Report: Someone Offended

ALEXANDRIA, VA—According to ominous local reports, a local woman was gravely offended over what several witnesses described an innocuous comment made to question the beliefs and convictions of the slighted individual.

The victim in question was rumored to be “totally outraged” and demanded “justice” for the inconvenience of having to think through her position after being exposed to a contrary worldview, sources confirmed.

Local news teams swarmed the woman’s home to get a statement after hearing that she was, in fact, horribly offended, and irreconcilably shaken.

“I can’t believe things were said that didn’t make me feel good!” the outraged individual stated to the crowd of journalists. “I demand justice!”

“AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!” she added.

At publishing time, the victim was relaying her firm conviction that the offending party was an insufferable fascist.