Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Flavor savers

Frankly, I’m stumped. What’s the thought process behind this crumb catcher? I wish I was a passenger on that train of thought…

It’ll make me look handsome, slimmer, younger, cooler, douchier…

Clearly, there has to be intent behind the soul thatch, since it's groomed and shaped to within a hair of its life. Are you trying to lengthen your face? Did you need an arrow to find your mouth? Did you slip with the razor and had to keep on pruning? Whatever the case, I have to break it to you: Dude, you’re sporting a bikini wax on your chin.

Be it the Frito or Dorito, you’ve got a landing strip on your face. Runways belong at O’Hare, not on your nearly-hairless mug. Only Bruce Springsteen can pull that shit off, and, while he was born to run, he’s still skating on thin ice. Adnan Ghalib, it’s time to embrace the Brazilian. It’ll only hurt for a minute. However, if you keep that thin dead line on your puss, you’re in for a world of pain as I wax, thread, sugar, and shave your face, all the while withholding the ibuprofin. Just call me a flavor shaver.

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