‘Kardashians’ 10th anniversary proves just how vital their lives are to our lives

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One fateful day, 10 years ago, a cultural revolution was born.

On Oct. 14, 2007, the first episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” premiered on E!, where it would guide American culture for the next decade. Ten years on, the legacy of “Kardashians” is felt throughout American society.

In 10 years and 14 seasons, much criticism has been lobbed at “Kardashians” for, supposedly, exploiting the Kardashians’ status as “famous for being famous.” Such criticism, however, ignores the Kardashians’ tireless work making public appearances for being famous, starting makeup lines for being famous and getting paid for being famous, as featured in classic “Kardashians” episodes like “The Price of Fame,” “Junk in the Trunk” and “Fake It ‘Til You Make It.”

The main series has its many pleasures, but many of the Kardashians’ best stories lie in spin-offs like “Khloe and Kourtney Get Drunk in the Hamptons,” “Kourtney and Kim Get Drunk in New York” and “Kourtney and Scott Break Up Again.”

But the Kardashians are perhaps most notorious for the awe-inspiring, if not befuddling, amount of hate they have inspired.

“I hate the Kardashians so much that I bought all 13 seasons ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ on Blu-Ray,” said local Brett Bonner. “My friends and I hate-watch a whole season every day and night. I haven’t been outside in weeks,” he said, laughing.

“I think Kylie Jenner is, quite literally, the scum of the Earth,” said Janet Asgar, former child. “I follow her on Instagram.”

“Kim Kardashian is so fake. She has no talent,” confided Amy Beerhouse. “I listen to her Snapchats as my bedtime lullabies.”

When confronted with all this, the loyal fans of “Kardashians” are quick to jump to action to protect their beloved KarJenners. Some find the utter lack of respect for the KarJenners shocking.

“I honestly, like, don’t know why everybody hates them so much. People just, like, don’t understand how hard it must be to, like, do all that they do,” said Jennifer Lowell, shaking her head in disbelief.

But what exactly is it that they do? Top critics have been scrambling for years to find the answer.

After scrutinizing all 14 seasons, the revered critics at Rotten Tomatoes finally reached a consensus.

“They live for a living,” declared Tom Feldmon, the man in charge of the project. At a press conference, attended by such esteemed publications as USA Today and People, Feldmon explained his stunning theory on the “Kardashians” phenomenon, enshrining it as the Kardashian Synchronicity.

He said, “The American public finds the Kardashians so relatable, with their humble Calabasas lifestyle, that by watching the show, they feel like they’re a part of the family. This is what makes the show so fascinating.”

In fact, the young American public, while lagging in trivial matters such as science and math, are incredibly well informed in the matters of the KarJenners. In a study conducted by the PewResearch Center, it was found that whilein 3 high schoolers couldn’t add 3+ 4, they were quick to identify Kourtney Kardashian’s middle name.

“It’s Mary,” said Tiffany Roberts, proudly. “I know, because I was reading up on my ‘Kardashians’ facts before finals, to prepare myself mentally.”

But what do the KarJenners have to say about all this?

“You’re stressing me out, guys!” Kim Kardashian revealed in a Snapchat addressed to her fans. “My family and I just want to do our work in peace, without y’all getting all up in our business. It’s not likeour lifestyle depends on you or anything. ”

Will this keystone of American culture crack under the pressure, or will its empire survive another season? Only time can tell. And Kim’s next snapchat, of course.