Britain forced to change name

Britain can no longer call itself Great Britain after a high court ruling today. The Law Lords have decided after seeing evidence of poverty on a scale not seen outside of Africa that from now on Britain should be known as Bit Crap Britain instead.

The Prime Minister David Cameron was disappointed by the ruling saying in a statement: "Look we have worked bloody hard to make parts of Britain worse than Eastern Europe in only four years. We have done this so that migrants won't come here. Why have there not been many Romanians coming to Britain? Because Britain is now worse than Romania. Of course for me and my chums who are profiting from peoples misery things have never been better. I believe that making the majority of people live in abject poverty so the rest of us can lap it up is why God put me on this earth, it is the essence of what makes Britain great and what Jesus told me to do."

The SNP Leader Alex Salmond pointed to the ruling as another reason to vote Yes to Scottish Independence, while UKIP leader Nigel Farage put the blame on Romanians for not coming in droves and highlighting how crap most of Britain is.

Meanwhile workers at Heathrow were changing the sign to read. "Welcome to Bit Crap Britain, now give us your cash and bugger off."

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