Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Return of The Chosen One

To all my loyal fans, readers, supporters, followers and worshipers of the ground,

A big shout out to all ya'niggas for showing me your love, respect and kick ass support by stickin' around tightly during my many months of hiatus. I know I've left ya'all high and dry for too long. Believe me, I hear all ya silent scream, I feel all ya pain and I know all ya hearts are calling for me. Wipe those tears of despair off ya face now, my beautiful worshippers.

Bask in the joy with me as we celebrate one of the greatest moments in history- Today is the day that I, DJ Bunga Lim Kok Kean return to the blogscene by popular demand after 7 months of hiatus.You know you're good when everyone is constantly asking for more. They just can't get enough of my hotness.

I'm too sexy for your love.

You gotta love my bronzy tanned skin and newly permed hair. My secret for a perfect tan? A bottle of Dark Tanning Oil with SPF4 from Banana Boat and helpful underage fans(preferably girls) to rub the oil on hard to reach spots. Superstar dj life on the fast lane is essential to score free resort lodging on holiday spots. I took the opportunity to sexify my body with a glint of golden brown while sun tanning as I rocked both K3 Ohana at PD and Revelation at A Famosa.

I love ya bunch of niggas for being understanding. For the last 7 months, I've been too busy rocking the scene as the leading front man of Twilight Actiongirl. Come on, all ya peeps know I'm the main shining star who keeps TAG tight for the last few years. There'll be no TAG if there's no DJ Bunga. I'm da man who keeps it all together.

My life as a superstar is not just about sex, drugs and glammed up rock and roll. It involves a lot of hardwork such as searching and downloading tunes on Limewire down to pirating tunes for TAG's compilation CDs. The hardest part of my celebrity life as a musician?Educating the crowd. Because I'm blessed with an unending reservoir of talents, my hardwork has not been put to waste. I am proud to say I've successfully changed the face of music in this region of Asia within the last 2 years. I keep it real with my infamous tagline "I'm not here to play to the crowd. I'm here to educate them."

It is very clear that I will never turn my back against ya'all as the world needs me to show them the true meaning of F-R-E-S-H.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Getting To Know Me Better

As the front man of the legendary superstar freshed-out sacred indie music alliance Twilight Actiongirl and the sexiest product manager for international recording label giant Sony BMG Music Entertainment, I can confidently and unabashedly admit that I am the purveyor of quality tunes in the region.

In fact, just last week I received an award from Malaysian musical legend Ramli Sarip during the 'Majlis Penghargaan Untuk Insan-insan Yang Berbakat Tidak Terhingga 2006', held at Istana Budaya. It was an emotional experience for me as Mr. Sarip handed me the ‘Anugerah Lagenda Muzik’ before kneeling and kissing the jade ring on my finger.

Me on stage with my manager Mawi "Cam nie baru 'WORLD'!"

For those not in the know (I don't blame you plebeians), this award has been received by other musical greats like Awie, M. Nasir, Sharifah Aini, Sudirman, Alleycats and the Blues Gang. Being honoured in the same category as these people was so touching, that it made an amazing moment in history when I actually shed a few tears during the ceremony. Yes people, me, Lim Kok Kean the Fortress of Stone, was moved to tears! And I am man enough to admit that I cried. The rest of you beefy jock motherfuckers who are laughing at me because you think I'm a faggot for crying, we'll see who has the last laugh when you're all sitting in a guardhouse checking visitors' IDs when I'm eating gourmet Char Siew Rice whipped up by my personal chef in my penthouse suite!!!

As I have changed the face of music in this region of Asia, I have had many interview requests. It seems that people want to know more about the person behind this handsome package and stylish demeanour. So far I have turned them all down, because I haven't had the free time to squeeze into my busy schedule. This has caused media uproar and my poor publicist Ah Xu has had to fend them off for me. Now you all know why he goes around in torn jeans, ripped flannel shirts and untamed hair. And you wanna know why he's got buck teeth? That's cos a reporter kicked the back of his head so hard his teeth got knocked forward. That also explains why he styles hair for a living, still hasn't passed his SPM exams for the last 10 years and plays music that no one listens to.

But because I don't want to disappoint the hungry masses, I have asked my publicist Ah Xu to fend off the blood thirsty reporters with this:

THE LIM KOK KEAN FACT SHEET

Full Name:Fabrizio Machinegun Lim Kok Kean (When you have FM in your name, you're born to be a DJ)

Aight, that's it people. Pretty much sums up the unique character that personifies the name DJ Bunga. When I'm not too busy changing the face of music, bestowing life-altering guidance to you cretins in the fields of fashion and entertainment, molesting under aged girls, cruising in my Kenari, submitting my profile to match making agencies, wanking to pictures of Heath Ledger or calling up the suicide help line; I MIGHT grant you salivating worshippers an interview with Galaxie magazine. Till then, take care, good bye (for now) and May I Bless You!

Monday, April 10, 2006

The Soundtrack of My Life (CD Drop 2)

LIM KOK KEAN -NOVEMBER'S FUCKER #11

SONY BMG

You all may have noticed or got the word that i'm playing more emo tracks when i open every Friday at the Loft. Yes i said it, i've really been playing emo tracks. This is because i'm going through a rough patch as of late and i have some private issues to sort out. I've been busy reflecting on life, writing poetry and patching up my wounded heart (so much for wearing my heart on my sleeve).

So as always by doing so through expressing myself musically, selected loyal worshippers of the renowned Styleguru who come up to me this Friday and carelessly whisper into my ear "Wanna trade mix CDs?" will receive a special signed mix CD (limited edition of 250pcs of course!) entitled November's Fucker #11 compiled by yours truly. This CD is so emo that that i didn't even bother to use my winamp plug-in to mix the tracks in. Instead its a pure emo compilation featuring a soon to be sought after hidden track where you can hear muffled sobs & moans of me crying myself to sleep because i'm emo like that and also 'cos my mom was home and i didn't get my daily hard wank before i sleep.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Should I Turn Back Time?

I know a lot of my loyal supporters, followers and worshipers of the ground that I thread upon might once in a while, during a lazy Saturday afternoon, whilst listening to a special fan-only release of only the best selection of lazy weekend indie rock tunes lovingly entitled Twilight Actionlove vol.5, wonders... "Oh how, oh how did my wonderful idol Lim Kok Kean aka DJ Bunga get to where he was and how his illustrious life might have been before he got famous?"Well today, I have decided to shed some light on one of the mysteries of modern indie era, what my life was before I was DJ Bunga, Patron Saint of all things Indie in Malaysia, Molester of Prepubescent Female Teenagers, Style Guru and Juice Magazine's Urban Archeologist...

I was your average run of the mill teenager when I was in my teens. Back then I was affectionately known as Ah-Kean. I used to do what every regular teenager used to do back then. I was an avid collector of stamps and bottle caps. I guess that was where my fetish for collecting stuff kind of manifested. I was also into gasing and kites. As you might have figured out, I was quite a loner when I was a teen which is why all my favorite activities were ones that I could very much do alone.

Ah-Kean (sans celebrity DJ status)

This is mainly because of the way I looked. I was one of those dermally challenged kids who was abit on the plump side. While all my family members and relatives loved me and called me Mini Choi Sun (Mini God of Prosperity), kids at school used to regularly give me a good ass kicking and called me names. There was this one bigger buff kid who would ALWAYS bully me, day in day out. His name was Ah-Fai. Ah-fai was the bastard son of the Pork Rice selling aunty in my taman. Everyday when he knocked me down and kicked my belly and nuts, I would secretly whisper a vow that one day I would get back at him for his wrong doings.

All the ass kicking I got and the running away from kids who wanted to beat me up made me loose a considerable amount of body weight. By the time I enrolled in college, I was pretty much looking good like how I look today, except less haggard and druggie looking. When I was in college, I used to hang with the music band kids who were shunned by all others. You might be thinking how band kids can be shunned. Well, unfortunately we were part of the 'cool' band that used to play metal and thrash. We decided to play much more melodic and peaceful tunes like folk and country. I used to play the tambourine in our group. We were called 'The Field Pixies'. All of us had cool names like Winter Fox, Eternal Sun and Little Hummingbird. Mine was Cosmic Flower. (later I decided to drop cosmic and use bunga which means flower in Malay and added DJ in front of it coz you know when I rock the decks I tear da roof off this muh-fucka!)

Well, I know I’m boring you guys with all this but fast-forward around 10 years. here I am at 32, an established and well respected label manager and indie DJ who drives a VIP-styled kenari, still stays with his parents and who's in constant cosmic sized debts.

I know some of my fans out there are wondering what happened to Ah Fai. Well, you know what, karma took place. Ah-Fai is a reknown DVD seller outside Cheras Leisure Mall, stationed outside the Maxis Centre. He had a shotgun marriage with his 23 year old Hor Fun selling wife. I drop by every now and then to buy DVDs from him. I made sure I wore my dopest gear and parked my pimped out Kenari smack dab in front of his stall when i performed said DVD purchases. He always give me the eye and charges me higher though (RM18) but I don't dare say anything still coz I know he might beat my ass into submission with me crying for my dear mommy (like that one time I returned a DVD which i was told is... DVD9 but turned out to be a lousy cinema copy).

Having my ass kicked by DVD Ah Fai

But you know what, I’ve got the last laugh coz I’m living the rock and roll lifestyle now while Ah-Fai is peddling DVDs like some punk street urchin that he is meant to be and ever will be.

p.s. if any of you guys personally know Ah-Fai, please don’t tell him about this post, coz I think there's only so much ass kicking my frail body can take now at my age. I’ll belanja you a drink on Friday and give you a copy of Twilight Actionlove vol.9, the latest compilation if you would come to the DJ console, kiss me on the hand and swear your allegiance to me. Addressing me as 'your highness'...

Provided here is an example of how i wish and hope to see The Loft every Friday...

For all you avid Bunga fans, a desktop wallpaper specially made by me, dedicated straight to you @ 1024 x 768 screen resolution. *mUaKz*

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Vintage Divine

Sometimes i get damn dissapointed and depressed with my fellow band mates. They don't seem to understand the importance of projecting the rock'n'roll lifestyle when you're one of the superstar DJs that make up the almighty Twilight Actiongirl. Their attitude is all wrong for one. It's like you're part of Voltron and you're not doing a fucking good job at polishing your unit, giving it that gleam. None of them can drink excessively, do hard drugs, molest underaged girls and most important of all... drop the indiest tunes.I've actually lectured them countless times on the importance of self projection, Especially when they're a performing part of Twilight Actiongirl, the biggest and also the indiest musical act in Malaysia right now. I mean, we're in all the top local magazines and are frequently spotted in all the hot and happening events around town. You would expect to pay a little more time, effort and attention into their clothing and self up-keep. DAMN YOU FOOLS!Instead, we have Daryl, who dresses up like washed out singer of a Seattle grunge band from the early 80's, Kelvin who will only be spotted wearing his work clothes or one of the dozen or so jerseys that he has, and last but not least, Ah Xu, who might look like a stylish hipster from Harajuku at a glance to the street fashion elite, but you and me know that he really look like a homeless person from out from Guangdong.Then we have the Loft crowd which is made up of Emo Kids, Punksters, Rempits, Sophisticated Ad Agency workers and the ones who tick me off the most, the Harajuku Wannabes. You can spot them from a mile away with their limited edition t-shirts, latest kicks, Bape camo jackets (it isn't freezing in here fyi) and their so called Vintage Jeans.Well here's a word for all you street fashion elite motherfuckers. You think you're all that limited edt.? I was rocking limited edition Stussy tees while you were rocking Kiki Lala. I rocked Air Jordan 1's while you were wearing Bubblegummers... and yeah, fuck you too while i'm at that! And as for Vintage, mother fucker i'm so Vintage i make Keith Richards look like Aaron Carter. You wanna see how Vintage i can go? i'll go all Renaissance on all your fucking asses motherfuckers... come check me out...

Mona Limsa - Vintage Divine(Circa 2006)

What can i say? My Vintage dressing style is truly self explanatory... Notice how the flow of fabrics accentuates my sexuality? My chest, neck, and face glow in the same light that softly models my hands after i don this outfit. There you have it, can't anyone understand how easy it is? This VINTAGE outfit can make me look both serene and tranquil while i'm dropping dope tunes but yet shows that i'm REALLY out here to partay (Please take note that i'm not cross-dressing).My bro Sigmund Freud has interpreted my 'smile' as signifying the erotic attraction i have towards pre-school girls; others have described it as both innocent and inviting (Yeah right!).

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Celebrity Anxiety

Arrival @ The Loft #01 CD Launch, Press Conference

Every once in a while, I feel the strain of being a celebrity. A lot of people may think it’s all fun and games, but I’d see like to see YOU handle deranged (but hot nonetheless, because I always get the choice picks) chicks fighting to grab your ass when you’re out on the streets. It’s not easy man.

Sure, I get invited to all the hip parties organized by JUICE and KLUe and I’m on the guest list for top notch indie gigs in the country*, but sometimes the fame gets to me. Now I truly understand the pain Kurt Cobain went through during his last days.

Note: All the selected cool people who got into Architecture In Helsinki and Chicks On Speed by merely associating themselves with me, you can lick warm chocolate sauce off my sensuous body later.

Everywhere I go, people look at me and want to talk to me. It’s tough having to put on a façade everytime, because sometimes I just want to go out like a normal person without having to live up to my reputation: Elite Indie Music God / Style Guru Juice Contributor / Sneaker Pimp Master / Hot Hot Hunk (aka Triple H) / The Malaysian Sensation. Sometimes, I just want to be known as Ah Kean from Leisure Mall Cheras, y’know?

Chicks eye me from the corner and whisper amongst themselves: “Look! It’s DJ Bunga! I want to have his babies” or “Oh, I wanna lick those cute ears of his!” I would appreciate it if you women didn’t speak so loudly, we don’t want the other guys in the room to feel inadequate about themselves now, do we? Y’all know I’m a caring, generous person. The other guys are okay too, they need female lovin’ too. Don’t toss them aside when you see me. I know some of you put on a look of ignorance when you spot me, and I know you do it to make me feel less conscious about myself. Thanks so much, at least I can relax a little when I’m out in public. But if you really cannot restrain yourselves from ignoring me (I understand how hard it is, I’m a wreck whenever Iszie the babe comes to Loft with her boyfriend), a little wink or a simple ‘hello’ will suffice. But please, no autographs. Lord only knows how tired my hands are.

You think it’s a fucking breeze slapping CDs on the decks every Friday? I have to go down to Central Market once a fortnight to ask Andrew at Music Magic what indie tunes are out AND THEN write them down AND THEN run Limewire AND THEN download them dope tunes AND THEN burn them into a CD AND THEN play them for you people!

You think it’s fucking child’s play recommending the best reads on Juice every month? I have to fucking go down to Kinokuniya every month to sift through the shelves AND THEN pick up a random book with crazy kick ass illustrations on its cover AND THEN flip it over to the back for a quick read-up on its summary AND THEN run Microsoft Word AND THEN spew out an article to educate you people on what to read.

And here’s the kicker: You all don’t know how fucking tiring it is to wank furiously every night. Sure, I get all the hot hos coming to me, begging to suck my dick, but I’m a gentleman and I don’t play with their fragile little hearts. With my hectic schedule and the numerous marriage proposals I receive on a daily basis, I’m afraid I cannot commit to a woman 100%. So instead of leading them into believing I’m seeking a relationship after allowing them to suck me off, I save them from the heartache by telling them I’m saving my virginity for marriage. And then I go home to wank. But since I still live with my parents, I have to wait for momma to go out for mahjong and pops to go for his taichi sessions, then I run to the toilet for a quick, hard wank. By the way, if any of you want a portion of my semen to breeding an army of indie demigods, please email me.

So the next time you swarm me for autographs or tear my clothes for keepsakes, think of my pain. That’s all I ask for. Thank you. I love you all.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Cover Charge @ The Loft.

THE CREATION OF LIM

(God giving the sign of approval towards Lim)

Ok, I’m getting a lot of flak lately for the RM20 first drink cover that zouk's management is imposing for entry into loft for twilight actiongirl. the general loft clientele would assume that the all evil female /ang-moh bashing, obscene bottle price imposing committee of zouk decided to impose the RM20 cover in order to make a quick buck from the innocent and most of the time broke / freeloading loft crowd whilst simultaneously tightening it's grip on 'best club in KL' title. well, I have decided that I, lim kok kean, style guru of KL, patron saint of all things indie, sneaker god and general sexual predator, owe all my loyal followers an explanation on why this is happening.

As most of you would know, I’m the no.2 top sneaker collector in Malaysia, only overshadowed by the elusive B53 of streething. As most sneakerheads will tell you, collecting sneakers isn’t cheap, especially if you're at the level that I’m at in the sneaker game. whilst most collectors control the box-fresh kicks market, I monopolize the brand spanking new AND bundle kicks market in Malaysia, therefore if you're an up and coming player in the local sneaker game, one word of advice, back the fuck up coz you don't want none of dis. anyways, since my job as label manager at Sony pays me peanuts, I had to result to the almighty power of plastic to fuel my fiendish passion for kicks. And as most of you all might not know, I have been in debt to my credit company (or should I say multiple credit company) since I was 23, and since you all know how old I am now, it’s been a rough 12 years since then. This might solve the mystery of why I rock the freshest gear in KL and drop the indie-est tunes in loft but still only drive a measly perodua kenari and still stay with my family in cheras. Anyways, I took it upon myself to cut a deal with zouk management to impose the abovementioned RM20 cover charge where RM5 goes to zouk management whilst RM15 goes into the HDJBSHDASFFTFF, otherwise known as 'Help DJ Bunga Settle His Debts and Stay Fresh For The Fans Fund'. I know some of my fans might get all fumed up over this daylight robbery, but think who'll rep KL in the international fresh game and who'll drop the dopest indie tunes in Loft if I go broke and possibly face several act of dismemberment as a result of failing to make payment to certain 'credit companies'. Who will act drunk and take advantage of innocent young girls in loft?

I hope the explanation I provided above will resolve all the questions and misunderstanding. And I also hope that y'all understand how important I am as an acting instrument appointed by the almighty God to spread the gospel of Indie music and to preach the word of freshness to my loyal followers and the unsuspecting soon-to-be believers...