What better way to relax than by placing giant snails across your brow so they can slime and crap all over your face. For beauty!

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The private club Ranetka (located in Russia) is offering members a special giant snail facial, using Achatina fulica snail (commonly known as the Giant African Snail). According to the owners of this beauty parlor, the way the snails grasp your face with their giant underbellies massages the skin and eliminates wrinkles. Endless evenings of nightmares, free of charge.

There is absolutely no way I wouldn't spend this entire treatment screaming "oh god oh god oh god oh god."