Main rule of etiquette: Be Nice

Publicity about her talk on the “new rules of business etiquette” was a bit misleading, speaker Monica Irvine admitted. There are no “new” rules, but most people aren’t observing the traditional ones.

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By Donna Smith

Oakridger - Oak Ridge, TN

By Donna Smith

Posted Dec. 2, 2013 at 6:02 PM

By Donna Smith

Posted Dec. 2, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Oak Ridge, Tenn.

Publicity about her talk on the “new rules of business etiquette” was a bit misleading, speaker Monica Irvine admitted. There are no “new” rules, but most people aren’t observing the traditional ones.

“People who are kind stand out now like some creature from another planet,” Irvine told the audience at the recent Altrusa International of Oak Ridge meeting.

It’s kindness and respect that is at the root of etiquette, whether in the business world or elsewhere. Or as Irvine said, “helping those around us to feel valued and comfortable with our words or actions.”

So much of what people are dismayed by in today’s society result from a lack of etiquette training, she said. Etiquette is the type of behaviors and actions her grandmother taught and talked about.

Seeing a lack of such training, Irvine formed The Etiquette Factory in Knoxville, providing professional etiquette services to businesses, schools and parents. The business is now providing training around the world and, in addition, she writes a column for the website “Everything Knoxville”.

“The world is hungry for this training,” Irvine said.

No matter the type of business, she said, the top three problems cited by the leaders in their companies are:

• Gossiping or back biting;

• Complaining; and

• A lack of telephone skills.

Irvine said today’s college graduates are coming into their jobs with lots of education, but they don’t have good social skills or table manners.

Irvine pegged her brief talk to her all-woman audience by outlining what “a true lady” is … but the advice also holds for a true gentleman.

A “true lady”, she said, is gracious, kind, avoids gossip and is confident.

What makes a person confident? Being able to look in the mirror at the start of the day and know that you made the world a better place yesterday, Irvine said.

She continued with her talk, saying “a true lady” is:

• Trustworthy — she does what she says she’s going to do;

• Well read/aware of world events — so she’ll know how to help;

• Avoids being the center of attention — because she’s confident enough in herself that she doesn’t need that focus of attention; and

• Dresses appropriately.

“Boy, have we seen a decline in appropriate dress,” said Irvine, who was wearing a simple dark suit for her presentation.

She said when she talks about etiquette to teenagers, she gets the “eye rolls,” until she explains the reasons behind dressing appropriately and being confident in themselves. It simply means, she said, to dress so not all of the focus is on yourself.

Page 2 of 2 - Likewise, demonstrating good etiquette means not hogging the conversation but making sure there is a balance in time between the speakers. Giving an example, she said, in casual conversation no one person should talk for more than three minutes at a time.

A “true lady” is not too loud and is interested in others more than herself.