So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie …

“Hmm.”“What?”“Not sure about ‘qat.’ ”Jeremy looked up from the board with shock. His father had never questioned any of his words before. The old man’s lead was usually so big that he let him put down anything he wanted—proper nouns, abbreviations, even the occasional…

I. I love my father, but sometimes he can get on my nerves. It’s hard to explain why exactly. It’s just little things he does, here and there, that bother me. For example, sometimes he shits into his hands and then throws the shit into my face while jumping up and …

They buried my wife in a shoebox in Central Park. I like to imagine that the service was respectful, that her body was treated with a modicum of dignity. But of course I’ll never know. I wasn’t invited to her funeral. Instead, the guests of honor were the students of…

This is Part Four of a serialization. Read Parts One, Two, and Three. By the time I cart pickles back to Vortex Factory, my roommates are awake. “Herschel’s in the house!” says the green-haired man. “Where’ve you been, killer?” “I have…

This is Part Three of a four-part serialization. Read Part One and Part Two. There are three important keys to pickling: patience, hard work, and rage. Rage, of these three, is by far the most vital. Pickling can be torture, like living inside endless nightmare. The only way …

This is Part Two of a four-part serialization. Read Part One. “See?” Simon says, as we shuffle through the crowd. “Piece of cake!” “Where?” I ask. I have not eaten dinner and am hungry. “It’s just an expression,” Claire explains…

They send me to Brooklyn and I find job in pickle factory. Every day, I crawl through gears and pull out rats. Is not so easy. The rats have sharp teeth and do not like to be touched. But I work hard. When I start in 1908 they pay me eighty cents each day. By 1912 they are giving…

I am Oog. I love Girl. Girl loves Boog.It is bad situation.Boog and I are very different people. For example, we have different jobs.My job is Rock Thrower. I will explain what that is. There are many rocks all over the place and people are always tripping on them. So when I became…

I born in factory. They put me in wrapper. They seal me in box. Three of us in box. In early days, they move us around. From factory to warehouse. From warehouse to truck. From truck to store. One day in store, boy human sees us on shelf. He grabs us, hides us under shirt. He rushes…