Confession is difficult for everyone. So I’ve laid out some simple principles on how to make this very demanding and taxing event a bit easier, with the hope that by the time you exit the confessional, you feel better about yourself. That’s the point right? Let’s get started.

(1) First things first: find a good distraction

Facebook, Clash of Clans, Instagram, heck even a selfie in line is completely appropriate. In this time of intense stress, you need the support of your electronic and virtual stimuli to make sure you don’t completely fall apart. Prayer apps? Examination of conscience website? Retire those now. Before making a confession you should be in a total state of denial, which is why the Bible says “deny yourself” or something along those lines.

(2) Be quick and mumble

Get started as fast as possible, taking the below points into consideration. The stuff about the last time you confessed, fuhgettaboutit. That’s irrelevant. Making the sign of the cross? Superstitious and outdated. Your best bet is to to get through the confession as quickly as possible, skipping over details that might be pitfalls to your reputation, or just might keep you in that little box any moment longer than absolutely necessary.

(3) Get defensive

You’re in confession. All the pressure is on you, so why answer questions about your when that judgy priest starts to be a judgy priest? It’s your confession—who is he to judge? When that priest starts to give you advice on how to overcome temptation, interrupt him. If he wants to know more about you, deny him. Bottom line here is to not humble yourself, but to lift yourself up in confidence in yourself. Protect your reputation and you’ll be set.

(4) Seek praise

Know a lot of big Catholic words? Know some awesome quotes? Can you finish a priest’s sentences fairly well? Good. When he begins to applaud your intense spiritual braggadocio, let him go on and on, and find clever ways to make sure he’s talking to the real deal in his flock. Rehearse and dictate all the good things you did since your last confession—they call it the “humble brag”—so that you can offset any possible embarrassment that comes from admitting you did anything wrong. Get all the praise you can to make sure that when his flips that light back for the next guy, he knows a saint just walked out the door.

Oh, and, while we’re on it: praise others? Don’t even think about it. Total buzzkill.

(5) Use broad language to disguise what you’ve done wrong

Think you’ve committed a pretty bad sin? Don’t worry, confessing said sin can be a cinch if you know how to do it right. All sins fit into a larger category. Did you use the Lord’s name in vain? Just tell the priest you cussed. Look at pornography? Soften the blow by just telling him you committed a sexual sin. He will usually not prod, usually, so you’ll be fine. The point is: if you’re ashamed of what you’ve done and it’s too hard to confess—which is totally not the point—it’s easier if you lump your sins into a heaping ball of generalizations.

(6) Point out what other people did to contribute to your sins

If there’s something you can say to make sure you bring other people into the confessional with you, do it. It’s the best way to make sure the priest realizes that you are not solely responsible for your sin. It’s also a great way to make yourself look better—which gets you more sacrament points.

(7) Confess the sins of others

This is another great strategy to make sure you get the priest on your side. He has to deal with bad Catholics all day long, so it will be refreshing for him to know there is at least one saint in his parish. That whole “speck in the eye” thing doesn’t really apply in the confessional, so don’t worry about it. Like the previous point, if you, when confessing your ever so trivial sins, can show that there’s a lot worse people out there than you, then that priest will be much more willing to give you absolution.

(8) Be unsatisfied with your confession

Always look back after you exit the confessional, especially after you receive absolution, and realize you could have said more, you could have said it better, and you definitely missed several sins. Oh, and if you didn’t make sure the priest knows you’re a good person, you should probably regret that, too. Even better: have doubts that that absolution wasn’t enough.

Follow these points to be sure to get the most out of the confessional. Remember: it’s all about you, how you feel afterward, and just getting it over with.

Mr. McAfee: you would’ve done well if you ended the article with your understanding of the Sacrament’s true purpose. Bob

Posted by Piat on Saturday, Aug, 5, 2017 6:21 AM (EDT):

Rather a sad perspective for an article which touches such a sensitive topic in today’s world. This article would certainly not encourage the many that are hurting and struggling, looking for a way back to receiving the sacrament of the Eucharist. Perhaps the author of this article needs to do a little soul searching.

Posted by Ann Hesenius on Thursday, Aug, 3, 2017 1:58 PM (EDT):

Not a good article. MUCH better to simply take the “what TO do” approach. Always good to hear GOOD pointers.

Posted by Patrick Cullinan on Wednesday, Aug, 2, 2017 4:49 PM (EDT):

This article is un-Catholic. It should be expunged. Forgive me, please, for being so blunt.

It’s better to take the part of Jesus in giving counsel. For example, explain that you, the penitent, may get the feeling of being judged, and that you may automatically resent it or try to evade it. Explain that the weapons to use are courage and humility. Use the courage of a SOLDIER GOING INTO BATTLE. You may feel like your head’s exploding, but what soldier never felt like that? You may feel like your ego is going through a meat-grinder, but you have to show your ego who’s boss. Take a beating. Soak it up. This is the humility part. You will find that sometimes it’s a bitter, hair-raising, and even disgusting business to become a saint. Follow Jesus. Follow your God. You will save your own soul, and the souls of your loved ones, and even the souls of people you don’t even know exist, because God is never outdone in generosity.

God bless you and your loved ones,
Patrick

Posted by Edward on Wednesday, Aug, 2, 2017 6:29 AM (EDT):

rather a useless article

Posted by Stephen on Monday, Jul, 31, 2017 11:04 PM (EDT):

The author was very clever to intercept this letter from Screwtape to one of his demons working on a lukewarm Catholic.

Posted by John on Monday, Jul, 31, 2017 4:38 PM (EDT):

You make it feel like there is so much suffering to do your confession. Did you ever consider the suffering you did to Jesus by your sins? One must feel the weight of all the sins he has done to our Lord when going into the confessional. If you are doing well, you should feel a tremendous relief when the priest says, “I absolve you, in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”

Don’t focus so much on the priest. Think about God only. Show God that you are willing to suffer a little embarrassment to relieve HIS suffering he does for you.

Posted by paul on Monday, Jul, 31, 2017 9:36 AM (EDT):

Really? Aren’t people being overly sensitive to this article? It helped me greatly in revealing the traps and weaknesses.
A creative way to improve one’s confession preparation.

Posted by Annette K on Sunday, Jul, 30, 2017 4:10 AM (EDT):

Actually, other than a more obvious disclaimer in the beginning, I very much enjoyed this piece as it identifies some mistakes that can possibly invalidate a confession. I would not have read “another list of what to do in the Confessional” because there are so many. This identifies a myriad of mistakes that prevents us from fully benefiting from the graces received in confession. When we have to “struggle” to go to confession and remain full of pride so gloss over sin we are there for we should “struggle.” JMHO

Posted by Esther Davis on Sunday, Jul, 30, 2017 12:38 AM (EDT):

I agree with Ruth. Some people might actually try those 8 suggestions.
What a pity..

Posted by Fidelma Gallagher on Saturday, Jul, 29, 2017 1:05 PM (EDT):

Whilst I understand the author trying to help people see the wrong way to make a good confession, it does not hit the spot simply because my fear would be that people reading this will take it out of context and believe the meaning to be the correct way to make a good confession, instead of the other way about. Use of language is important and can be misleading. Over all, as long as people go to confession thats the most important thing. The priest himself through the holy spirit will help the pentient with their confession. The most vital point is getting people back to confession and to have courage. Many can have bad experiences through confession through the priest also. So the emphasis has to be on empathy and compassion and for all of us to encourage one another.

Posted by James J MacInnis on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 6:37 PM (EDT):

Wow, strange article. Sounds more like a protestant or agnostic author Thought the purpose was to have an honest conversation. Not to obfuscate or evade. Sounds like the author thinks the Priest is an obstacle. Guilt on the part of the sinner? Evade?

Posted by Ivy on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 6:02 PM (EDT):

Reconciliation is a tremendous gift from God, but sometimes it is very difficult to accept it. Let us all pray for each other to have the humility necessary to make a good confession. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and strengthen you. Trust in God. He is reaching out to you; offering you healing and forgiveness. He wants you in His family and in His care! Isn’t that awesome?!

Posted by S on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 12:18 PM (EDT):

Let’s get people to confession, not criticize them for the way they might go.

As someone who loves this Sacrament I cringe at this post, because it does nothing to encourage people to go and meet Jesus, who will meet us even when we don’t ‘do’ confession perfectly.

Is this the Father running to greet the Prodigal Son?

Posted by MorganB on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 11:55 AM (EDT):

The worst situation in a confessional is hearing the priest say “haven’t we discussed that before?” What defines a “good confession”? I got so used to “say 5 Our Fathers and 5 Hail Marys”. Is an “open confession” the same as a boxed one? Jesus was a Rabbi, not a priest when he told the prostitute to “go and sin no more”. Could it be that I would rather have a Rabbi hear my confession?

Posted by June on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 11:05 AM (EDT):

I agree with everyone else. This is NOT what people need to read!!!!!! You are not encouraging people to make a GOOD confession!

Posted by Pius on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 8:48 AM (EDT):

I welcome the submission of the author as the door to the confessional is anything but a paved cowpath.

Congrats.

Posted by Elena on Friday, Jul, 28, 2017 12:50 AM (EDT):

This cracked me up while simultaneously made me blush. Ha ha ha. I loved it and thank you for the reminders!

Posted by joey_in_NC on Thursday, Jul, 27, 2017 12:33 PM (EDT):

Given that so many Catholics struggle to go to confession to begin with, such a snide/cynical post on this great sacrament doesn’t help things, IMO.

Even a “bad” confession is better than not going to confession at all.

Posted by Ruth Moriarity on Thursday, Jul, 27, 2017 11:18 AM (EDT):

Very useless writing. Shame on this!

Posted by Andrew on Thursday, Jul, 27, 2017 11:13 AM (EDT):

As insane as it sounds, you should probably put a parody/sarcasm warning on here somewhere near the top. I guarantee you some people will read the first one or two and then stop, and walk away thinking, “yeah, I really SHOULD check facebook in the confession line”.

Join the Discussion

We encourage a lively and honest discussion of our content. We ask that charity guide your words.
By submitting this form, you are agreeing to our discussion guidelines.
Comments are published at our discretion. We won't publish comments that lack charity, are off topic, or are more than 400 words.
Thank you for keeping this forum thoughtful and respectful.

Mr. Shaun McAfee, O.P. is the author of Filling Our Fatherâ€™s House among other books, is the founder and editor of EpicPew.com, and contributes to many online Catholic resources. He holds a Masters in Dogmatic Theology from Holy Apostles College and Seminary. Shaun has made his temporary profession as a Lay Dominican and temporarily lives in Japan.