Hello there! I’m sure you are all well aware that your beloved Senator, Senator Larry Craig, happens to be someone who may frequent a men’s room stall for the usual progressive on-the-go slap and tickle. I mean, we do have our media talking about it continuously and I’m sure you may have happened upon it by now. Anyways, I want to let you know that there is hope for you and the Democrat Party (us) is willing to advocate for you on such matters like “family values”. Yes, we want your vote and we will tell you anything to get it (among other things).

As Democrats we have a firm belief in God all of a sudden. Oh yes, we really do like that that guy so long as you all accept that humyn beings came from poo slinging apes. Seriously people, we may call him “God”, but the fact remains that we are monkeys and the actual process of creating life cannot be done by anyone called “God”, only the Party can create life and take it away - it is Science you big silly heads, get with the social program already!

Did I also ever tell you that I, Meowsevich S. Punchenko, actually went to church? Yes I did! I actually went to church before! Well, I actually only went once and that was to skim off the top of the collection plate for our Hill Raisers group, but all the same, I actually went to church making me sympathetic to your beliefs!

And did I ever tell you that we as Democrats are “pro-life” as you knuckle-draggers like to say… damn!... I mean, as you courageous conservatives like to say. Oh yes, we love children! I mean, we don’t actually like abortion! Oh no! No one likes abortion, it is just nice to have around and EMILY’s List money is nice too! But, if you like (and if you’ll vote for us) we will present you with candidates like Senator Bob Casey (Dhimmicrat – PA) who will tell you over and over again that he is PRO-LIFE! Why? Because we tell him he is pro-life on the note cards we provide him with before he makes a public statement (Bob is a little slow and can’t think for himself, we have to help the guy out with his beliefs, ya know). So see! We can find Common Ground™ for the Common Good™ on abortion (so long as you vote for us, allow us to pack the Supreme Court with progressives like Ginsburg among other things, of course).

What about guns, you ask? Well, we are A-OK with you keeping either a pop-gun or a BB gun. But your real guns – you know, the ones that use real ammunition – yeah, they have to go. How else will we be able to crack a few skulls among the citizenry if they have weapons to defend themselves? Let me make it a little blunter for you numbskull idiot Cons: how will we (the state) tell you what to do with your life and property if you have weapons to defend yourselves from our tyranny… I mean liberation? We can’t, plain and simple. So yes, we are Pro-Pop Gun and Pro- BB Gun, but real guns have to go, period.

As Democrats we also care about national defense like you Conservative scumbags… damn, I called them scumbags again!... I mean, like you Conservative friends of ours do. You see, we want the U.S to withdraw from the Muslim world and just let them go ahead and prop up a Caliphate from Indochina all the way to Spain. I know, it sounds a little bit “mad” or “idiotic” – but they also called us “mad” and “idiotic” when we supported the glory of Socialism (and we all know how well Socialism works, don’t we!). By leaving the middle east, withdrawing support from the Zionist entity, and closing all our embassies (and reducing our Super Power status); we can then effectively live in peace because the so-called “enemy” will be de-moralized to attack us since we so weak and they would then have mercy on us. To give you a picture, we would be a weak bunny rabbit standing in the face of a ravenous hungry wolf (with rabies) that would then have mercy on us! Ravenous hungry wolves always have mercy for weak, wounded bunny rabbits… its Science! We’ve seen it in nature, for goodness sakes! IT WORKS!

So, in closing, we are ready for you to change Party affiliation on the heels of this latest scandal. Sure, we may be hypocrites, Communist, Caliphate lovers, heathens, anti-American and many other things – but the fact remains, we want your vote! And since we want your vote we are willing to tell you anything you want to hear to either get you to the polls to vote for us or to keep you from going to the polls to vote Rethuglikan. Just remember one thing: Larry Craig was in a bathroom stall tapping his foot looking for progressive on-the-go slap and tickle. Remember that, future comrades! Remember that so you can vote for bull dyke Hillary Clinton a little bit more easier when we tell you to, because, well, WE CARE ABOUT THE SAME THINGS YOU DO (SORT OF)™!

Why are we playing middle-man Chairman? The elections are not on until the November after next.

We are playing middle-man/womyn/it now so we can pick up a few Rethugs before this story dies out. <holds up hollowed out Bible with a flask neatly concealed in it along with porn too, of course> Come unto thee, conservatives! We are the Party of traditional values! Oh yes! We care about what we subject your children to! We care about the unborn non-persons! We care about... uhhh... everything you care about! Here Progressive FoXXX, help me hand out these hollowed out Bibles to the collective so we can pass off as "Godly" simple folk and not elitist. Pass out these flask and crack pipes also... can't have the collective sobering up and realize what they are saying to win these knuckle-draggers over.

Hey! My hollowed out bible isn't hollowed out! What kind of production are you running! This is dangerous material! We can't be handing out real Bibles, that would be discrimination. We need to make sure this never happens again and that only hardcore porn gets handed out (because it's proven to be harmless).

Here Progressive FoXXX, help me hand out these hollowed out Bibles to the collective so we can pass off as "Godly" simple folk and not elitist.

Chairman, shouldn't we pass out complete, unabridged copies of the book version of "An Inconvenient Truth" as well? This way, we can enlighten the backward thinking morons into the true purgatory of a hotter Earth rather than that silly concept of a hell.

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! Everyone just shut the hell up for a minute! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO APPEAR AS "PEOPLE" CONCERNED WITH "CONSERVATIVE ISSUES" SO WE CAN GET THEM TO VOTE FOR US IN '08!

After they vote we can force our Communist values down their throats. Until then, we tell them that we are the Party of "family values" or whatever the hell they are selling in order to A.) keep them home on election day or B.) get them to come out a vote for us. That is the mission, use whatever deceptive means you can think of BUT DON'T LET THEM THINK WE ARE COMMUNIST IN CON CLOTHING!

But what if they already stay home on election day and fill out absentee ballots? That might be a problem. Maybe we should make absentee ballots illegal and force everyone to go out to vote where we have thugs making sure they vote for our party. And if they don't, then they are followed home and severely beaten, I mean... given a stern talking to and a logic suppression chip implanted into their brain.

Quote:

DON'T LET THEM THINK WE ARE COMMUNIST IN CON CLOTHING!

What about those of us (not me of course) who are communists in non clothing?

(I only go out in the finest clothes woven from the hair of the masses by starving non-unionized children. And metal underpants. Can't forget the stainless steel underpants.)

Communist in non clothing? You mean naked Communist?? Oh, you mean proles who aren't allowed to wear clothing due to the evironmental consequences of producing any kind of clothing... I see. Yes, well, proles don't have to pretend to be Cons... only Party members (like you and I) have to pretend so we can gain some new converts. Who cares what a prole says anyways!? I mean, they smell bad and stuff. And last time I checked no one wants to listen to someone smelly.

I'm sure the swarm of flies will prevent any image including an outline of the prole from being seen by the struggling oppressed masses. I'm also certain that a television camera would be too much for a prole to handle... you know how they react when they see technology - or sunlight for that matter. Poop would be everywhere.

Do not worry about absentee ballots. The glorious Party underground has ensured that the conservative absentee ballots are thrown out in the dumpster. Meanwhile our operatives insert ballots from federal criminals (aka those oppressed by official sounding imperialist laws like "Murder 1", "Murder 2", "Grand Theft", "Rape", "child molestation" and other persecutions that imprision these voters who most often vote progressive), illegal aliens (Party Term: Undocumented voters for the Party), and the dead (some who are allowed to vote 2 to 3 times each for the Party!!!).

We tested this out in 2000 by trashing the Imperial Capitalist Military Absentee ballots. We expanded this in 2004 also! (I know, my ballot was returned almost a month after the election even though I sent it in 6 weeks early along with more than a few of my soldiers'). Soon, we shall ensure that no conservative absentee ballot is counted, but only replaced by TWO (or more) progressives ballots!!!

We will then station elite Storm Troopers...um, hmm.... I am sure there is a better word, we may have to change Party Truth so that STs are good..... Anyways, we will station operatives at polling booths to 'assist' voters in pulling the lever for the Party. If they refuse to vote for the party, then our operatives will "help them" vote properly. This too has been tested at various polling sites.

With the AG purged by Congressional partisan hacks with a 3% approval rating... I mean removed due to glorious pressure from the People's Congress.... for daring to investigate our methods of election control, there will be nothing to stop the Party!!!!!

MMmmuuuhhaaaahhahaha!!!!

As for the Storm Troopers, changing history books in indoctrination centers will be easy. We can also bring in Comrade Lucas so he can remake his "Star Wars" series and thus donate more money to the Party! The useful idiots/progressives, who cannot rembmer past the last season of "American Idol", will then easily swallow the 'Party Truth" that the Galactic Empire, under rule of the Party, is a great thing!

What about those of us ... who are communists in non clothing?Like this poor proletarian girl who is forced to wear rags, being held on the margins of the alleged "prosperity" of capitalist economy, carrying home a sack of beets after a long shift at a dead-end sweatshop five cents an hour job...

This one is even worse. She can't even have rags because she's a minority. People of the Third World will be most sympathetic....

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! Everyone just shut the hell up for a minute! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO APPEAR AS "PEOPLE" CONCERNED WITH "CONSERVATIVE ISSUES" SO WE CAN GET THEM TO VOTE FOR US IN '08!

I just want to say that I am 125% behind you on this Chairman! It only is natural that we should be at the front of the line when it comes to the very values the conservatives say they care about, for after all, We CareTM more than any one! You are right on about making a strong military advance away from the middle east. Clearly we would be stronger than ever, and still inoffensive to our Muslim friends who are only upset with us due to Bush lies.

Meanwhile our operatives insert ballots from federal criminals (aka those oppressed by official sounding imperialist laws like "Murder 1", "Murder 2", "Grand Theft", "Rape", "child molestation" and other persecutions that imprision these voters who most often vote progressive)

Tsk tsk, Comrade. Take care you don't confuse the evil Bush & Co (the real federal criminals) with the oppressed who are guilty of nothing except making mistakes, using poor judgment, or associating with others prone to making mistakes and using poor judgment. (Perhaps that conservative gremlin who keeps invading your computer is at it again?) Remember, they were forced to do what they did by the unfairness of capitalism and society at large.

Speaking of which, Honorable Chairman--will you also start "professing" to be . . . (deep breath, Pinkie, surely you can say this) . . . "tough on crime"? (If I may borrow such a hateful expression I know is often uttered by the Right Wing, though I swear on Lenin's tomb I have no recollection of when or where I might have heard such a thing, unless there's a Party traitor in the daily line for our ration of toilet paper.)

We tested this out in 2000 by trashing the Imperial Capitalist Military Absentee ballots. We expanded this in 2004 also! (I know, my ballot was returned almost a month after the election even though I sent it in 6 weeks early along with more than a few of my soldiers'). Soon, we shall ensure that no conservative absentee ballot is counted, but only replaced by TWO (or more) progressives ballots!!!

Comrade TankoGrad, in addition to the "missing" absentee ballots in 2000 and 2004, let's not forget the hard work of the Ohio Democratic Party, who selflessly called prospective RepubliKKKan voters and gave them the address of the wrong polling place. Their hard work was in vain, however, when a fascist judge ordered them to halt their hard work. Fortunately, we were able to cover our asses by those wild claims that the Bush/Rove/Cheney reactionaries stole Ohio. And, as a resident of the Peoples' State of Ohio, nothing fills me with greater joy than hearing young college students citing the Party line of "stolen" elections!

After they vote we can force our Communist values down their throats. Until then, we tell them that we are the Party of "family values" or whatever the hell they are selling in order to A.) keep them home on election day or B.) get them to come out a vote for us. That is the mission, use whatever deceptive means you can think of BUT DON'T LET THEM THINK WE ARE COMMUNIST IN CON CLOTHING!

I apologize for recent absence and coming into discussion late. I was visiting our dear comrade Fidel in hospital. He does not look well. His hand feels like...how can I say this? papier-mache. Raoul wouldn't leave his side and I swear every time Fidel talked Raoul's mouth was moving.

Anyway, I think Bible plan is dangerous idea. What if real Bible accidentally got passed out? Our target future zeks would get crazy ideas, like Bible is mostly history lesson, unlike Koran which is all commands; Bible tells of God who cares for his people (only Party cares for People! at least before they vote); it was not Jews who killed Jesus but "the authorities", and "the authorities" are a class that exist everywhere....except party where of course everyone is equal, especially Chairman Meow, Madame Hillary, and Red Square. God knows...er, the party knows we do not need any more sympathy for the Zionists in Occupied Palestine.

Is good idea, but dangerous. So make sure only trusted Party officials involved.

Well tata as my British cousins say. I go now to plan vacation in Occupied France, I mean Upper Michigan.

Like this poor proletarian girl who is forced to wear rags, being held on the margins of the alleged "prosperity" of capitalist economy, carrying home a sack of beets after a long shift at a dead-end sweatshop five cents an hour job...

Oh, a thousand tears stand poised to hurl themselves over the edge of my eyelids as I bemoan this waif's threadbare condition. Am I not a champion of the new Compassionate Progressivism™? Indeed, I am! The Chairman and I have so much kindness in our hearts; We are altruists, through and through. We are always willing to "extend" our charity to the less fortunate, provided they are as callipygian as the prole in the above photo.

Yet, in our haste to reclothe overselves in the mantle of Family Values™, let us not become too rash in our efforts to "clean up" the culture, dear comrades. Let us not add too much bleach to the sanitizing solution.

It is incumbent upon us to ensure that this sort of "crack" remains on the streets!

I am, nevertheless, concerned by the poor prole's lack of a Tramp Stamp.

Wondering what she'd look like with a hammer and sickle tattoo located at the base of her spine, a little above the jean line...

A valid concern, dear Tsarevna, but with all due respect, what would a Party member be doing with a "real" Bible in the first place? Dear me, how it would disillusion this neophyte to learn my leaders might have possession of such dangerous reading material!

I suggest publishing copies of "An Inconvenient Truth" in binding that resembles the Bible. That way The Party kills two birds with one stone, and gets a head start on re-educating the masses.

I've heard of motels that have already done the honorable thing and replaced Gideon's Bibles with Gospodin Gore's magnum opus.

As for whether this would fool the masses, I wish to sque--I mean rat ou--I mean inform my glorious leaders that I've heard whispers in the daily line for toilet paper rations that some in the Party think the title "An Inconvenient Truth" just as aptly describes this so-called "real" Bible.

(And if The Party goes for my humble suggestion, perhaps I will be favored with one of those hollowed out copies with an extra ration of vodka? Or at least a new shovel. Surely The Party has noticed how very good I am at shoveling till I'm waist deep in Party dogdo--no, the word is dogda--no, no--I mean dogma, Party dogma!)

That poor womyn's soul is being utterly crushed in those tight and oppressive jeans! Oh the agony my groin is going through watching that poor womyn tread any further in such a tortuous device! LET HER BE FREE! REMOVE THOSE JEANS OF OPPRESSION FROM YOUR BACKSIDE, OH NOBLE PROLE WOMYN! Let us all see your inner-beauty underneath that wretched blue and torn symbol of capitalist design! BE FREE! BE FREE! AND GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER!

Hey... wait a minute? She doesn't have a tramp stamp, Dr. P!? THAT IS A GOOD THING! This prole womyn isn't diseased! I SAW HER FIRST! I SAW HER FIRST!

Wondering what she'd look like with a hammer and sickle tattoo located at the base of her spine, a little above the jean line...

Red?

Dr. P

If I may be so bold, I can accomplish that menial task as to not bother our glorious leader with this burden. If I am overstepping my Party duties, please inform me and I will remove this post. That said, please enjoy the newly befouled proletarian peasant girl.

Sorry I didn't get the chance to do the hammer & sickle emblem - I was busy tattooing a tramp stamp on another peasant girl who comes from a family of God-fearing kulaks. The point of the exercise is - bibles and tramp stamps are not mutually exclusive!

Comrades, be careful when trying to help these poor prole wimmin. The Pup stretched out his paw to help this poor female, and she actually slapped the Pup!

And do be careful for yet another scam. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot, Menard's, or Lowe's. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen May 3rd, 10th, 11th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th Also June 1st, 3rd, twice on the 5th, three times just yesterday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

Wondering what she'd look like with a hammer and sickle tattoo located at the base of her spine, a little above the jean line...

Red?

Dr. P

If I may be so bold, I can accomplish that menial task as to not bother our glorious leader with this burden. If I am overstepping my Party duties, please inform me and I will remove this post. That said, please enjoy the newly befouled proletarian peasant girl.

-Mikhail

"Befouled?" More like, "Be Proud!" That tat's what I'm talkin' about, Mikhail! Nicely done. It's a beauty. She went from "anonymous chick" to "apparatchik", with a few strokes of the airbrush.

Sorry I didn't get the chance to do the hammer & sickle emblem - I was busy tattooing a tramp stamp on another peasant girl who comes from a family of God-fearing kulaks. The point of the exercise is - bibles and tramp stamps are not mutually exclusive!

Ah... Now that's a refreshing take on religion. More bible lessons please...

But, alas, I do not have any means to submit said artwork from my local machine for party scrutiny. Perhaps someone here can advise me on how I should proceed?

I presume you have an ISP? If so, everyone I know of provides you some "webspace." You simply upload your artwork there, and then we can tell you how to publish it here.

Commissar Pupovich: ON STALIN'S GHOST!!!! My prole aide came in to deliver my morning coffee, and while placing my coffee and scones down, he must have hit a key and changed my choice to quote the Dr's post to edit! Naturally I have arrested him and his family, but is there anyway to recover Comrade Kalishnikov's post?

Speaking of Tramp Stamps, I tell all the kids at work that I am so old that I remember when all the men had tatoos and the women had earrings.(All the girls on my team under thirty has a Tramp Stamp and all the guys have earrings....I shitteth thee not.)

Pinkie here is a vet as well as the spouse of one. Though I'm not quite that old, I do know that once upon a time, it was mostly people in the military, sailors in particular, who had the tattoos.

Well, now that tattoos have become all the crack with just about anyone, the military (or at least the Air Force) will no longer allow service personnel to get them, at least not in places where they might show while in uniform.

Pinkie here is a vet as well as the spouse of one. Though I'm not quite that old, I do know that once upon a time, it was mostly people in the military, sailors in particular, who had the tattoos.

And don't leave out us bikers! Even your humble Commissar has one that reads "Death is Certain, Life is Not." Alas, it has become such a rage for everyone that it is no longer even interesting. I haven't had a bike since it was stolen years ago, but even that has lost a lot of it's charm once all these rich urban bikers heard about Sturgis etc, and went out and bought their Harley's so they could pretend to be the real thing. Weekend warriors, sidewalk commandos. I had the fortune to see Sturgis both before the 50th anniversary and after, and it was startling. Prior to this, an average attendance was about 75,000. Since then, it seems every one and their cousin shows up.

Commissar Pupovich: ON STALIN'S GHOST!!!! My prole aide came in to deliver my morning coffee, and while placing my coffee and scones down, he must have hit a key and changed my choice to quote the Dr's post to edit! Naturally I have arrested him and his family, but is there anyway to recover Comrade Kalishnikov's post?

Quite all-right, Comrade, I am fully versed in Party Censorsh- uh, I mean, Editing. No harm, no foul.

I also wanted to know if this is the type of Bible that is being distributed. If it is, I am sure the party will approve vigorously:

Many thanks for your graciousness. I will have to check with the Inner Circle of course, but off hand, while I think this is a good start, I believe the last memo stated that no cross is allowed on the Bible anymore since this would cause others to feel excluded, though of course they are, but we must maintain a certain amount of fiction For the Greater Good™. The pamphlet is a nice touch, and we can fill in the remaining space between the covers with Algore's Dead Head Scrolls.

I really like the amount of empty space between the cover of the Bible and the Builder of Communism's Moral Code. It means that all that's there in the Bible really is empty space - so much paper wasted on something that can fit into a much smaller, yet much more informative and to-the-point instruction pamphlet.

As the Arab sheik who burnt the library of Alexandria after the invasion of Egypt stated, "if those books say the same things as the Koran, they are redundant. And if they contradict the Koran, they are dangerous." Either way, the library of Alexandria got burnt to the ground. That sheik had a very progressive mindset, comrades, no? Little wonder Islam and Marxism now work together as one front against the dark forces of capitalism.

Commissar Pupovich

I believe the last memo stated that no cross is allowed on the Bible anymore.Here is the last memo:

That is much better comrade! After all, why have a symbol of the sacrifice of just one alleged, mythical person for all, when the glorious hammer and sickle represents the sacrifice of millions and millions For the People™?

I saw the first proposed cover design last night, and was so traumatized by the sight of that cross that I spent all night drinking my entire month's ration of vodka--and today is only the 3rd!

But now I am back, and see that I prematurely panicked. I should have more faith in The Party. (Or dare I hope the The Party was only testing me?)

I do think the new cover design is a vast improvement over the one originally proposed, which offended me, made me feel excluded, and what can else can I say? It was clearly a violation of that most sacred of tenets--the separation of church and the glorious state--which is meant to protect us all from the horrors of religion, and is so very clearly spelled out in the Constitution, right between the paragraphs assuring me the right to unlimited abortions at state expense, and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (whatever that's supposed to mean).

But I know it's all there in the Constitution, because the New York Times says so!

I saw the first proposed cover design last night, and was so traumatized by the sight of that cross that I spent all night drinking my entire month's ration of vodka--and today is only the 3rd!

I was afraid of that, and am certainly glad we have that correction has been made. As it turns out, due to a recent, shall we say, "downsizing" at my crawfish farm, I can send you this left over vodka ration to tide you over. It's what comrades do Da?

In my eyes, I have no wealth. I am merely borrowing it from the People for my time on this earth, when it shall be returned to the Party for the good of the People.

Well spoken, Commissioner! You truly are a quadruped of the Masses. Perhaps Comrade Edwards can remember those glorious words and return his purse of Fortunatus to the state when he goes - that should take care of paying for his health-care plan.

Forgive my impertinence, but being newly transferred here, I am unsure of something; are you a People's Commissar (government), or a political commissar (military)?

Forgive my impertinence, but being newly transferred here, I am unsure of something; are you a People's Commissar (government), or a political commissar (military)?

First, thank you so much for your kind assessment!

I am at a loss though! I was appointed Commissar of Mental Health & Eco-Friendly Prostitution, but was not notified of whether that is a People or Political Commissar! Egads! I will be happy to serve the Party wherever I am needed of course, but I know my Granddad Beria would be pleased if I were to follow in his footsteps!

I am at a loss though! I was appointed Commissar of Mental Health & Eco-Friendly Prostitution, but was not notified of whether that is a People or Political Commissar! Egads! I will be happy to serve the Party wherever I am needed of course, but I know my Granddad Beria would be pleased if I were to follow in his footsteps!

I believe that would fall under 'Peoples' (Government), for as you know, all in the Military are assumed crazy, and they have their own prostitution department, as well.

I believe that would fall under 'Peoples' (Government), for as you know, all in the Military are assumed crazy, and they have their own prostitution department, as well.

Long live the Party.-Mikhail

Where as I would fall under 'political'. And that is all that I would fall under. For I certainly would not fall under a Trolleyboos in Moscow for anyone. Except, perhaps, for Svetlana. But that was 25 years ago, back in the good old days when Comrade Andropov was still around, pulling the strings in the Старый Советский Союз (Old Soviet Union - Okay, Red... I know. I probably butchered that) and pulling the trigger too. I tell ya, that Yuri!!! He could raise some hell back in the day!!!

It is funny that you would mention Tailhook, Comrade Kalashnikov! I remember when Comrade Andropov thought up the idea of embarrassing U.S. Naval aviators with an outlandish sexual harassment allegation. One night after a few too many bottles ... or was it barrels? ... I forget ... of vodka onboard a destroyer with a old friend, he went staggering around the town of Murmansk and stumbled into a brothel. Needless to say, we couldn't get him out of there! The next day, of course, we hushed it up (i.e. sent the prostitutes packing to the gulags). Once he shook the hangover off, he said "Hey! I have an idea!" and the rest was history as they say!

And if the women still don't think they've done enough to save Our Fragile Planet, then they should embark on a Glorious Suicide Mission to Save Mother Earth!

By so doing, they will be transported from this scorched, polluted planet to a wonderful, marvelous place where they shall be rewarded with 72 men--and not just ordinary men, either. No, these are 72 men who:

-always put down the toilet seat

-know how to change a toilet paper roller

-never leave wet towels on the floor, nor cram them into the hamper and then wake you up in the middle of the night to complain about sour odor coming from said hamper

-never stand at the open refrigerator drinking milk or other beverages straight out of the jug/carton

-never dump the stubble from their electric razor into the bathroom sink

-can watch something on TV for more than 10 seconds without changing the channel

-will eagerly watch chick movies with you, and never once nod off

-know how to load a dishwasher

-keep all instructions and operating manuals

-always keep the gas tank filled, instead of leaving barely enough for you to get within a thousand feet of the nearest gas station

-always haul the garbage out to the curb the night before, instead of insisting on waiting till the next morning--and then at 6 am, he's snoring away while you're the one who's freezing and busting your tush dragging that heavy garbage can out to the curb wearing nothing more than your nightie, and then having to flag down the garbage truck that's already passed your house and is two doors down.

Now we only need to come up with a Progressive, eco-friendly way for these women to off themselves.

KHARTOUM, Sudan — Sudan on Wednesday charged a British teacher with insulting religion and inciting hatred, a crime punishable by up to 40 lashes, six months in prison or a fine, after she named a class teddy bear "Muhammad."

The charges come a day after a 7-year-old Sudanese boy said Gilliam Gibbons, 54, asked him as part of a school assignment what he wanted to call the stuffed animal and he said, 'Muhammad,' after his name.

A spokeswoman for the National Organization for Women said the situation "is definintely on the radar, and N.O.W. is not ignoring it.

But she added that the U.S.-based organization is "not putting out a statement or taking a position."

Radio personality Tammy Bruce, former president of the Los Angles chapter of the National Organization for Women and past member of their board of directors, criticized the organization for not taking a stand.

“We have a duty to make a difference for women around the world,” Bruce told FOX News. “The supposed feminist establishment is refusing to take a position in this regard because they have no sensibility of what is right anymore. They're afraid of offending people. They are bound by political correctness.”

“The American feminist movement has not taken one stand to support the women of Iraq, the women of Afghanistan, the women of Iran,” she said. “It is the United States Marines who have been doing the feminist work by liberating women and children around the world.”

Wow!!! It is always so touching to see stupidity ... er ... hypocrisy masquerading as moral superiority. They should take it a step further. If they really want to help the planet and conserve resources, they should kill themselves. Either way it is unfortunate that such "morally superior" genes are not going to be passed down to the next generation.

That gives me an idea. I'd like to establish a Church of Climatology nunnery. Women will marry the planet and work for the good of the environment, because it's like their husband. I don't know what would make a good habit though. It's hard to decide. I want to look good and I'm not going to wear one of those ugly black robe things Catholic nuns wear. A Church of Climatology nun can still look sexy. What we need is a Victoria's Secret for women that are married to the planet. Hmm, what would the planet like to see me wear in the bedroom?

That gives me an idea. I'd like to establish a Church of Climatology nunnery. Women will marry the planet and work for the good of the environment, because it's like their husband. I don't know what would make a good habit though. It's hard to decide. I want to look good and I'm not going to wear one of those ugly black robe things Catholic nuns wear. A Church of Climatology nun can still look sexy. What we need is a Victoria's Secret for women that are married to the planet. Hmm, what would the planet like to see me wear in the bedroom?

I don't know exactly how to politely describe this one. Ahh... like, I dream of a genie with a beer bottle hairdo, margarine container bra cups spewing plastic Christmas tinsel? From her belt dangled dinnerware and reconstituted junk over a sea of age-old blue sequins! She carries a black veil crowded with planets and stars as a back drop.

Hmmm... I like them but I think that's more what you want to see, puppy. What the nuns of the Church of Climatology need to wear is what the planet wants. As nuns of the Church of Climatology they're married to the planet.

Hmmm... I like them but I think that's more what you want to see, puppy. What the nuns of the Church of Climatology need to wear is what the planet wants. As nuns of the Church of Climatology they're married to the planet.THis must be immediately included into the Book of Goremons.

Hmmm... I like them but I think that's more what you want to see, puppy. What the nuns of the Church of Climatology need to wear is what the planet wants. As nuns of the Church of Climatology they're married to the planet.

She's right, Pupovich. Which points to yet another trait shared by the 72 men waiting for any woman willing to give her life to Save the Planet:

...That gives me an idea. I'd like to establish a Church of Climatology nunnery. Women will marry the planet and work for the good of the environment...

Wonderful idea! Perhaps the nunnery can be modeled after the Cult of Cybele.

Cybele protects fromVesuvius

Cybele represented the fertile earth, and the death of her consort, Attis, represented the end of the growing season. She was celebrated in a great festival characterized by ecstatic dancing and drumming.

Wikipedia

...Cybele's most ecstatic followers were males who ritually castrated themselves, after which they were given women's clothing and assumed "female" identities, who were referred to...., in the feminine as, Gallai,...

That way all the men can sterilize themselves, too! Soon there won't be any more terrible human beings making a mess on the planet. Just a thought.

Perhaps the nunnery can be modeled after the Cult of Cybele.Good link, comrade! I especially like Cybele's title Potnia Theron ("Mistress of the Animals"). Reminds me of the progressive goddess Charlize Theron, the Beastmistress.

It's no coincidence that the Greek pronunciation for Cybele (Κυβέλη) is similar to the Cube and might as well be approximated as Cubella.

Sorry I didn't get the chance to do the hammer & sickle emblem - I was busy tattooing a tramp stamp on another peasant girl who comes from a family of God-fearing kulaks. The point of the exercise is - bibles and tramp stamps are not mutually exclusive!

Ah... Now that's a refreshing take on religion. More bible lessons please...

I think you may have the wrong religious text in your hand, Comrade Philosopher. Or at least a different translation. But the meaning, if not the exact words should be apparent.

GOD

1 Corinthians 13 [New International Version (NIV)]1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.Obviously she paraphrased. Perhaps if she had a more, shall we say, "rotund" backside, she could have fit the passage in it's entirety.

your all to full of yourselves to know real freedom, try living out in the wilderness like the barbarians of ancient england or the native of northern america. that is REAL freedom, it call the freedom of earth and man

your all to full of yourselves to know real freedom, try living out in the wilderness like the barbarians of ancient england or the native of northern america. that is REAL freedom, it call the freedom of earth and man

HAIL SATAN

Dear Comrade Stan,

Your praise of superstitious religious characters is not welcomed here. There is but one Prince of Darkness around these parts and his name is Barack Hussein Obama.

Huh? What? Hang on, Stan... I'm getting some marching orders coming through my ear piece... .... .... .... OK, well, it turns out I am not allowed to use "Prince of Darkness" and "Barack Hussein Obama" in the same sentence since some may find it offensive and racist.

Hang on, Stan.... I'm getting more marching orders.... .... .... .... OK, yeah, you have been denounced, Comrade Stan, for calling Native Americans -- or First Americans -- "barbarians". Yes, you are a RACIST and are INTOLERANT towards indigenous peoples, Comrade Stan. You should be ASHAMED and should change your name to Don Imus so that everyone will know what kind of hateful and bigoted racist you are. You are also a mouth-breathing knuckle-dragger since you believe in this "Satan" character.

Ooh! Look at the funny little Satanist mommy! Look! Isn't he funny when he talks about stuff he doesn't know about? Wait... what's he doing now mommy? EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!! He just pooed in his hand! Gross! Is that some kind of messed up Satanist art? What the fuck is wrong with those people! Oh, gross! Now he's eating it! EEWWWW!!! I wanna go now mommy, he's disgusting! Look at him wallowing in his own filth! Can we move on to the hippie exhibit now? I brought my gas mask like you said!

Comrade Satan's idea of freedom does not involve the function of the brain, only muscles. A very useful concept indeed! This is what the Party wants everybody to think. Freedom has nothing to do with mind, creativity, and invention - only with brutal force!

We only wish more of the masses would think like that - it would be so much easier to herd them like sheep into the barn of the Common Good!

But he's suggesting we pursue a lifestyle that requires all of us to wear dead animal skins, while I get stuck with the job of "assimilating" Kevin Costner--which, if it's anything like his acting, will deaden all my senses.

Is this like keeping a book in the bathroom so you can read while taking a crap?

Red Square

Sorry I didn't get the chance to do the hammer & sickle emblem - I was busy tattooing a tramp stamp on another peasant girl who comes from a family of God-fearing kulaks. The point of the exercise is - bibles and tramp stamps are not mutually exclusive!

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

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