Opening up about open adoption

Adoption always reminds me how God is in the details. Like our two other adoptions, I’ve seen it as we prepared for Rachel to be born since meeting birth mom Stacy in May. And I saw it on Sept. 19 – when our family became five. And not just because we wore matching shirts.

My favorite nurse from Ben’s birth in 2009 was there. She took my all-time favorite hospital photo then and almost six years later remembered our story. We chatted throughout the day. She celebrated adoption while being sensitive to the delicate balance of grief and joy.

Stacy is a private person so instead of being right by her bedside, we were just outside the labor and delivery room door. We could hear the last moments of delivery, when our girl entered the world. The birth dad stepped out to hug us and then we were invited in to meet Rachel. I touched her and photographed her while the pediatrician examined her and the nurse weighed her.

Then that favorite delivery nurse of mine handed me Rachel wrapped like a burrito. And I handed her my iPhone with the camera ready to go. She snapped pictures of Greg and I meeting Rachel. And then she kept snapping pictures as I handed Rachel to Stacy to hold and then as the four of us gathered around a baby girl we all loved.

We ended up spending about 90 minutes with Stacy after Rachel’s birth. We took turns holding her and chatted about our other kids – my two who became part of our family through other adoption processes in 2007 and 2009 and her two who aren’t yet 2 and 3 years old. These moments were open adoption at its finest.

I’ll also remember those moments – and they’re part of the story I’m excited to share with Rachel one day. I even have pictures to show her.

{Please notice Stacy’s hand on the left of the picture above. I have others with all four of us – adoptive parents and birth parents side by side – and some of Stacy holding Rachel that are beautiful additions to the baby book and our family’s story.}

We visited with Stacy later that evening as she recovered in another room and then again the next day when we met with our attorney and social worker before we went our separate ways.

I know open adoption seems scary and awkward, but when it’s the situation God designed the ways of this world don’t apply. Having been involved in three adoption processes, I know each relationship and scenario looks different. Regardless, being able to know my children’s birth moms is a unique and valued part of their stories.

Likewise, each adoption is different. Adoption is born of heartache, and sometimes that means knowing birth parents isn’t possible. Other times, an open adoption isn’t desirable for perfectly understandable reasons. Open adoption is just what our family knows, but even then other families may have other degrees of openness. Adoption is never a one-size-fits-all experience.

Stacy and I may have gone to different homes Sunday afternoon, but our lives are forever intertwined. I’ll send pictures and there may be visits. I’m not entirely sure what our relationship will look like from here, but Stacy will forever be part of our family’s story.

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and love sharing with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our fifth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear second-grade boy, and our joy-filled toddler girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.