The Craziest Creationist Louisiana Textbook Lessons

Louisiana’s expanded voucher system has placed thousands of students into state-funded private schools, and apparently many of these establishments believe Jesus owned stables of raptors. These programs teach intelligent design alongside evolutionary theory and have been using this extraordinary learning tool: Science 5. This “science” book is available for your viewing for the first time, and it’s full of lessons sure to renew your faith in faith.

You see, dragons were actually dinosaurs. Also, unicorns were just really gay horses.

When I think about God’s plan, the first thing that comes to my mind is definitely topsoil.

Of course! Dust in the ground, they obviously meant minerals, seeing as how that’s the only thing that people are made out of.

“fossil fossil fossil, evolution is wrong, fossil fossil fossil”

It’s a good use of class time to teach how to discern reliable information from baseless claims because we can’t be bothered to provide reliable information.

Let’s see…animals on the fifth day…people on the sixth…by God, they’re right!

The last chapter is actually a crappy futuristic cop duo film with Whoopi Goldberg entitled Theodore Rex.