Tag Archives: letting go

Have you ever noticed that what you consistently think and/or talk about is what keeps showing up in your life? Chances are it’s the negative aspect that you probably notice the most because it’s what you don’t want. Positive occurrences are most times thought of as luck and not the manifestation of your thoughts, even when they are positive.

Depending upon which energetic field your thoughts and conversations fall under (positive or negative), you can expect it will all become a self-actualizing prophecy for you because your thoughts and energy are a package deal. What you think and talk about is what you will create, so be very wary of which energy you are feeding.

I think we all notice the result of negative thinking more because it’s an aggravation to have it show up in your life, so you stress about it, talk with others about how bothered you are by it.

Pay attention dear one, you are now feeding it!

I think everyone has had the bad day, the bad week, the bad month, hopefully not so much the bad year but all of this is the creation of your thoughts. It’s hard to change the process around from talking about the things that you don’t want especially when they are upsetting to you. It’s a natural thing to want to discuss, deal and discard the things that have either hurt or hindered you from moving in the direction you want to see yourself going.

By becoming aware of how those thoughts and conversations are influencing what you see develop day after day in your life you will understand how important it is to curb anything negative. No matter how hard it is at the beginning to change that habit, that addiction to processing, the changes you see develop as a result will be inspiration enough to continue on. Day by day it becomes easier to let those irritations not weave their way back in and you will see a new habit evolve, a healthier way of life that leads you to the things you want and the things that are meant for you.

Are you seeing the light? That’s really what it’s like, the positive aspects of life bring a lightness to your life because you are allowing the weight, the heaviness of the negativity to be lifted from you and in reality all you’ve done is allowed your soul its freedom. The soul, your inner spirit seeks purpose, connection, and an environment that inspires and cultivates your higher calling. Imagine a place where all things are possible, this is it!

Why do we not embrace it? Simply because it is the ego that keeps you immersed in a negative, fear based state, all for the sake of controlling you from believing that you can access this place, this state, this happiness.

I’ve always heard that comparison and it had been difficult for me to recognize/differenciate the two (ego & spirit), I didn’t feel like there was any power struggle actually going on, at least nothing that I could easily identify. When the ego is trying to control though I’ve learned to recognize how it affects me physically and emotionally which shows up like stress, anxiety, a general feeling of disarray in my thoughts which is ultimately resistance between the two opposing sides.

I think how it presents itself is different in everyone. We are all unique so it makes sense that it’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of answer or solution, it’s just a matter of raising your own awareness. It’s not like being able to see the difference between colors of black and white but that is how opposing these two really are.

Ego (the brain) wants to rule because it knows, it knows better, it knows all and who’s going to argue, it’s gotten you this far hasn’t it? Egotistical tells you how great you are, how much you deserve and where you should be.

Spirit (the soul) doesn’t want to rule anything, it wants to give you free will, to choose what your heart desires, to choose what nourishes and feeds your inner glory. That’s it.

My four steps to counteracting my ego when I notice physical or emotional changes in my thoughts and energy are awareness, choice, acceptance and faith.

Awareness: Learn to recognize how your external world affects your internal thoughts and energy, what triggers the negative and what cultivates the positive.

Choice: You always have a choice! The reasons you choose to tell yourself as to why you can’t do or change something is always prompted by the ego. Choose to shut it out. Choose to find greater understanding and awareness, it will show up because once you’ve made that choice you are now open to those answers.

Acceptance: It’s not always easy to accept the things you cannot change but accepting that you don’t know everything all the time, that maybe some things you’re not supposed to change, sometimes you’re supposed to adapt. Maybe the Universe has a different plan!

Faith: When you fall into a dark place sometimes it’s hard to have faith, this is where I think acceptance is linked. Everything happens for a reason, even things you don’t understand, the bad things too and how could there possibly be a reason for them? The understanding comes later, sometimes years later but I think it occurs when you’ve made that shift, embraced that which you don’t understand but made it through the storm anyway.

These “Lessons of the Tao” which I became aware of, with great thanks to Dr. Wayne Dyer (1941-2015), help to keep things in perspective for me;

Change your thoughts and your life will change

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way

You accomplish much by trying less

Trust in others to know what’s best for themselves

Live without attachment and be generous

When you have a choice to be right or to be kind, always pick kind

Rather than looking for miracles, see everything as a miracle in your life

Are you going to let the difficult times determine your value and quality of life?

Are you going to build your future on a foundation of pains from the past?

Or you going to let it inspire you to change the direction to a more positive outcome?

When you are feeling stuck which I think everyone has at one time or another (hopefully not too often) you are presented with an opportunity. The only problem is most of the time you don’t see it as opportunity because when you’re in that place of feeling stuck there are other emotions going on that cloud your view.

When you move in the direction of positive change it alters everything in your life:

It starts with you and your thoughts, do they sway a little stronger one way or the other (positive or negative side)? What you tell yourself, especially from your subconscious impacts how you feel and how you feel impacts how you interact with others.

When your thoughts change so do your interactions with others and how you view and perceive them. Things that possibly annoyed you before begin to become not so important, not because someone else has changed but because you have.

When your attitude changes that changes your outlook and your world around you becomes less offensive, not because others have changed but because you have. It’s not “what you get is what you see”, it’s actually “what you see is what you get”.

I’m not going to lie, it’s hard to change your thinking around when you are coming from the place of feeling stuck. It’s hard to find something solid to stand on so you can rise up from whatever has put you in this place but it is possible.

It takes only a quick shift of thought, that lightning moment to change the direction. I know that when I get an idea in my head I don’t let it go until I’ve exhausted everything trying.

No one is a failure for trying something that didn’t work, not trying will do more damage to you emotionally through regret than any effort ever made that didn’t work.

Vulnerability is the only way and it’s scary to put yourself out there especially when you don’t know the answers or feel you aren’t ready or strong enough to have them heard but it is such a freeing place to be. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable there’s nothing left to hide, nothing left to expose or exploit, that changes it into power, personal power!

Whatever caused you to feel stuck is usually not something external but something you find the answers for internally. Circumstance is just that and circumstance cannot hinder your personal power only you can do that by thinking you are powerless to change a situation.

All situations can be challenged and possibly changed and feeling stuck is only a state of mind, one caused by your own resistance of thinking you are powerless.

[ I haven’t posted any writings in the last few months as I am working on another book but recently I’ve had the thoughts below marinating in my mind and felt the need to share ]

Changes in life aren’t always planned or even known, sometimes they just occur all of a sudden and turn your world upside down, hopefully it’s a more positive experience rather than negative but what usually follows is a new ways of seeing, thinking, believing and living.

Transitioning into change isn’t always an easy road but it is naturally how the path progresses. When you are moving from one phase of your life into the next the changes are not just what is around you, but also what is within. Changing old habits and/or outdated ways of thinking usually manifests after you’ve either been resisting or struggling to move forward, sometimes without even realizing it.

All life evolves, that we all know and how you personally evolve depends on your choices which of course is of your free will to make but transition can be made easier if you choose to embrace it instead of resisting it (believe me, I’m not saying I’ve always done this, quite the opposite at times, but when you know better, you do better). I’ve learned to recognize that when I am resisting transition (which I haven’t always been able to identify in the past) that I feel scattered, frustrated, blocked like I’m banging my head against a wall without fully understanding why only to later come to the realization, that “aha” moment, when things start to smooth out and make sense. Clarity and awareness can be a beautiful thing.

Awareness in yourself is a learned experience, recognizing and reading the signs and symptoms in your own personality is an opportunity worth taking advantage of and sometimes necessary. Rising to your own challenges will advance every aspect of your character and life but only if you are open to it. You have to be open to it or it won’t work.

I choose to embrace the positive aspects in all areas of life, I do not like to shed light on negativity for too long because I’m very wary of feeding the wrong energy, but unfortunately sometimes (dare I say, too often) the negative happens and it needs to be looked at in order to raise awareness.

Awareness in others is also a learned experience, recognizing and listening to your inner voice.

When something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t!

Every time I have ignored my gut instinct it always comes back to bite me and that moment of realization, knowing I knew then what I’m learning now feels worse for me because I know I purposely didn’t listen.

I’ve seen a few too many in the last little while of those I care about that are taken advantage of because of their kindness and trust. Too often when your gut tells you something is wrong you silence it, not always because you think you know better but because within the frame of kindness is the benefit of the doubt. The benefit of doubt is given out of trust and those who do not have good intentions will manipulate and thrive on that because they are not serving a higher purpose, they are serving only themselves.

How does one learn to differentiate between the good and bad?

How does one learn to trust their instincts after falling victim to such toxicity and ill will?

How does one learn to trust others again?

Does the benefit of the doubt ever come back to you?

I think these are the questions you end up asking yourself over and over and over again when an event changes your life abruptly.

I wish there was a quick fix, a way to go back, a way to erase the damage, unfortunately there is not. The quotes always say you have two options, you rise again or you let it define you, but I don’t know if I agree with that.

I believe there is one option, you rise again, become stronger!

The past cannot be changed, there is absolutely no way you can go back and re-write the story, there is no benefit to re-living it over and over in your mind, you are only torturing yourself.

There is a process though and the only way to get through a storm is to brave it and fight your way through. In order to move forward you have to feel the range of emotions as they come and let the wound heal in the time it needs to do so.

The lesson learned, the awareness gained will be that you refuse to give up your personal power to anyone again. It’s not about forgiving someone else, someone who may or may not be sorry, it’s about forgiving yourself for gracing someone with your kindness and trust when they weren’t worthy of it.

The only thing you can do is make peace with it so you don’t re-live it every day in your present or into your future. As terrible as an experience is, was or feels, the effects of the experience changes you and how that change manifests within is up to you.

Don’t tell me how many battles you’ve won, tell me how many people you’ve forgiven!

I’m not sure who wrote this quote but I read it recently and it resonated with me immediately. My first thought was “Yes, that’s it exactly!” and the next thought was to wonder how many people are afflicted daily by the emotional prison that they trap themselves in as a result of not being able to embrace forgiveness.

Of course this isn’t to say that your emotional hurt is invalid but rather that it’s not necessary or fair to your inner spirit to carry it around with you like the badge of horror it can be. When you are unable to cross the line into forgiveness it doesn’t affect anyone as much as it does you. I think many people have a variety of reasons for holding on to a painful memory and while I’m sure the reason is valid it doesn’t mean it’s not having a negative effect on your life. It doesn’t mean the person you hold it against is being impacted in any way whatsoever and it doesn’t mean that by holding onto it that eventually retribution will come.

Easier said than done, believe me I know! When someone hurts you deeply it’s not just the emotional pain of the hurt but the emotional attachment you have to the person that has hurt you.

People you don’t have any attachment to can’t hurt you so much because they lack that personal connection. Those closest to you know where your soft spots of vulnerability are and you know theirs but it is because of a mutual trust that neither of you intentionally try to use them against each other. It is when trust is broken that hurt happens and that hurt can carry you into the mode of defense which raises your guard. The only thing that lowers that guard is honest and open communication and the willingness for resolve but sometimes that’s not an available option. So what do you do with all these feelings of hurt when there is no option for closure on the horizon?

I’m sure everyone (including myself) has asked these questions “how could you do this to me?”, and “why don’t you care?”, “how can you just go on in your life like nothing about this mattered?” Most often there is some sort of falling out or ending and if it’s the latter then I don’t think it’s likely you’re going to find the answers you would like for closure and without closure how do you let go and move on?

I’ve found that distance from a difficult experience, a break or mental vacation from it can be a temporary enough solution to help you put some space between your hurt and your emotions so you can find the positives from it, there are always positives, you just have to want to see them. Sometimes it may be a while until you see the wisdom behind the experience but eventually that “aha” moment peaks when you least expect it but when most open to it.

If you aren’t able to have that space to heal I believe it just means that your healing will take a little longer. Dedication, understanding and compassion toward yourself for the extra time it may take is the kindness you need to extend to yourself until you get there.

Appreciate: recognize the full worth of, understand (a situation) fully, recognize the full implications of

Being able to step outside of an experience long enough to gain clarity is the best path to understanding the “true lesson” behind the experience.Appreciation even in the face of difficulty will build inner strength and character, it has to right? I mean what else could come from hurt, disappointment and mental anguish except to get back up, dust yourself off and become the stronger person you were meant to be? It’s been said that when you don’t learn from an experience it keeps coming back around until you do, so if you have to go through it then best to only have to go through it once. Step back and really examine so you can find what it is that you are to take with you and learn. Why put yourself through it more than you have to, your experiences are not meant to break you, they are meant to build you.

As hard as it is to foresee the road ahead it is only through having appreciation for all experiences (positive or negative) that you will begin to cultivate happiness. Start with the smaller successes and after a while you will see that those successes will multiply and begin to shape a brighter, happier and more positive future.

Happiness: the state of being happy

It doesn’t get any clearer than that and where are you at with your own happiness? Happiness isn’t just for other people who seem like they have it all together. Happiness is a state of being, a state that you can access at any time, a state that doesn’t discriminate or align with only the lucky ones.

If another has done you wrong, mistreated you, taken you for granted or overreacted badly, that is not on you, it is on them which doesn’t mean you are now excluded from the state of happiness. Your own happiness depends on how you turn things around, how you want to view the world and what kind of life you decide to live.

Forgiveness allows you relief from carrying the burden that causes you to remain present in a moment that has hurt you deeply.

It takes courage to allow yourself to be in a place that helps you to forgive others for feeling disempowered by their words or actions. Vulnerability is a necessary component of all relationships, without it you won’t experience the true connection but with it there is a risk of being hurt. If you take your past hurts with you into your present and future it may provide you with a false sense of security, a wall that you think may protect you from getting hurt again, but it prevents you from truly shining and others from getting to know your heart.

When you’ve been hurt deeply the ego’s logic is to hold onto the hurt and anger in the hopes that it will somehow affect the person that caused you the hurt. This couldn’t be further from the truth, chances are very likely that they are unaffected, unconcerned and/or unaware. That hurt, however, will continue to writhe inside of you until you finally reach the place of letting it go and letting it go you must!

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

– Buddha

I absolutely love this quote I got from an Oprah show a while back, it bears repeating again and again until you allow yourself to feel and embrace the power in these words.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the person back into your life.

Forgiveness does not mean you are condoning what they did or that you are in any way saying it was OK what they did.

Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

Forgiveness is where your strength lies because it allows you to embrace more fulfilling aspects of character like compassion and empathy. That strength says “I’m letting you go so you can’t continue to hurt me with this memory that I’m remembering daily”. By releasing this memory as past and allowing the grief of the hurt to be felt you then give yourself the opportunity to heal and become stronger, strong enough to never find yourself in that same place again. Sometimes the hurt caused by another can feel very personal and intense and to hold yourself in the same place day after day after day can be a way of punishing yourself for letting someone get close enough to hurt you, although I don’t think that is realized at the time.

Forgiveness paves the way for all things beautiful and positive. It gives you the opportunity to see and feel the miracles of life that we often overlook or take for granted. Forgiveness helps you into the state of gratitude so you are able to recognize the blessings you’ve had and those that are still to come.

There are so many before us that have gone through so much more than we will ever have to know because they have lived, their sacrifices paved a better road for us. Without the blessing of their sacrifices, our miracles in life would not be as abundant. Take a moment to acknowledge and recognize history and know that no matter how difficult life may be right now, there are always options, if there weren’t then those before us wouldn’t have been able to provide us with the changes we know in life today.

Your crown has been bought and paid for. All you have to do is put it on your head.

James Baldwin

Appreciate yourself and life enough to know that you have every opportunity to pave that path even better for the future of those you do not know and in doing so you may have positively inspired hope in another.

Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality.

When seeds of doubt pop up in your relationships questions then follow, distance is created when those questions go unaddressed and/or unanswered. Loss of connection is akin to loss of trust, loss of faith or loss of hope as they all create spaces that eventually make up the distance that creates the loss of connection.

Communication is the greatest protector against these losses because it builds the bridge that always keeps those you cherish close. Acknowledgement and validation nurtures those loved and helps them to continually grow and evolve with you in symbiotic harmony.

Some of my experiences have been that the dedication is not met on an equal level and the result is moving on. That doesn’t mean this is a bad thing because not everyone in our lives are meant to be with us for lifetime, some are there to help through transition, to help teach a specific lesson or to motivate change.

We are all different from each other and right down to every cell of our being as it is necessary to create the human experiences we provide for each other and connectively. Some hurt or elate more than others but from those feelings come wisdom, experience, growth and eventually inner peace.

Is it lost forever? I really don’t think it is or has to be but like trust, faith or hope it has to be rebuilt and rebuilding usually takes much more work and dedication. It really depends on the strength of the foundation and if it manifested organically or began from falsehood. Intention is everything!

I do believe that everyone deserves the chance to show you who they are but trying to change what they show you may or may not be you setting yourself up for disappointment, depending on your perspective.

Do you always tackle the impossible in the hopes to change what is?

Are you drawn to the impossible so you won’t have to really connect and feel vulnerable?

Is the dynamic you constantly find yourself in a reflection of your formative year’s environment?

All three of these questions could have easily been my unrealized mantra. We all have behaviours that we are consciously or subconsciously predisposed to and there are probably a variety of reasons as to why we allow them to have controlling interest in our lives.

Can we change it? Absolutely yes!

Anyone at any time can change any behaviour or aspect of their life into a positive direction that provides a happier and more stable state of being. If you cannot envision the result you want to see that doesn’t mean you can’t make it happen but if you do not believe in it or in yourself then it is your belief that will manifest the outcome. This includes the seeds of doubt and any communication that has broken down, determination and the willingness to make the effort is necessary for success. Anything worth having, is worth working for!

I know for myself that when it comes to pursuing something I envision to occur in my life, I do not stop until I’ve exhausted every avenue and all possibilities. If something does not go according to my vision I’ve found that it leads me in a different and better direction than I had ever considered. I do not believe in failure, something that doesn’t go as you want doesn’t mean you failed because it usually directs you to something better as long as you are open to it. That has been my experience every time!

I continue to strive to attain devotion and honesty in addressing the seeds of doubt when they arise, not everything needs to be over-dramatized but at the same time if it matters to you, it matters; and if it matters to you, it should also matter to those you cherish and vice versa.

At the end of the day you know within if you gave it your all, if you left no stone unturned, and that’s what allows you to look in the mirror and be content.

It’s the first step in that new and unfamiliar direction, the walk into the unknown where anything can happen, your anticipation is heightened and your vulnerability is exposed more than you are comfortable with but those are the moments that you need to push yourself to the next level because they carry your biggest opportunities and realizations.

You know when I was younger I had no idea what was available for me to take advantage of, nor did I have the inclination to gravitate toward it because I had no direction, not for any other reason than I hadn’t yet become aware. You always hear people say “if I knew then what I know now”, those are the phrases you don’t fully understand until you become aware.

Awareness is a gift that can be refused or embraced.

If you are unhappy with your life than you are likely refusing to be aware of all that the Universe is offering to you, maybe your dissatisfaction is preventing you from seeing it. When you build walls to protect yourself out of hurt or fear you are also blocking your vision of possibilities. I understand that the walls built around you are for good reason and they keep you safe from anyone ever getting to you but that’s exactly it. Those walls keep out the bad but they also keep out the good, instead of the walls learn how to properly strengthen your boundaries so that past fear or hurt stays where it should be – in the past!

If you are content and viewing life with clarity than you are likely embracing awareness and your possibilities know no limits. When you are in this zone your vision and opportunities are uninhibited because you know “The Secret”, it’s so true and it’s not a secret, it’s the inner knowing that we all have, the clarity that removes the clouds. When you can see clearly, you see everything almost from a new set of eyes, ones that are not tainted by the dirty energy but rather enhanced by the clean.

I recently watched the PBS Special of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s titled “I Can See Clearly Now”, he is such an inspiration and to me, an icon of our time. I find that my line of thought process is very similar to his which is probably why I identify with his writing so strongly so it’s not surprising to me that the part of the show that stuck with me the most is also the excerpt he put in his latest book which he said also struck him and he credits from another author.

“If we stop for a moment it is possible to perceive a pattern in our lives, the motivators that have influenced us become much more obvious. We are able to see life unfolding from both ends at once coming into the present moment but until we get to a certain point of realization this is not possible because everything is still seen as a series of apparent causes and effects.”

If you take the time to step outside of yourself for a moment as if looking in on your life as a viewer you have the opportunity to see how much influence the divine has on your life path and how everyone that has come and gone from your life has in some way changed it so that it could proceed in the direction it is meant to go.

I don’t believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason, every experience, every event, every relationship, every hurt, every happiness. They are all there to bring you higher learning, growth, direction and clarity and from that clarity comes this realization. Finding the balance between that which your inner spirit knows (the energy that is connected to Universal knowledge) and the life that you live daily is what makes travelling the distance challenging because sometimes you may accidently step off your path but I believe that if you venture too far off course the Universe finds a divine way to guide you back.

So now that you are aware are you willing? Change doesn’t happen overnight obviously but change doesn’t happen at all if you don’t make the decision to do so. Doesn’t that sound simple? It begins with your decision, that’s it! The next door won’t open without your conscious decision to walk through the first one and even though that first one is scary once you walk through it the ones that follow are easier.