Mar 16 BROWN GIRLS NOT WELCOMED

So as much as I'd like to have hope for my white millennial counterparts in this generation, I've been sadly disappointed time and time again. Disclaimer: this isn't a representation of every single white person- I know this to be true. But this is true of a group of white people I interacted with recently in the soccer house of a soccer team that plays for a prestigious Long Island University here in NY.

Me and my girls went out on what should have been to a typical Saturday night college party. The kind that involves beer pong, party anthems and sneakers.

No pressure, just fun. Wrong we were to think that. Instead we ended up being main characters in our version of ‘Get Out’ (if you haven’t watched it yet, please do). Aight y'all, enough with the preface, this is what happened:

We drove for what seemed like forever and a day to find this party. So much so, that we made multiple stops trying to find the correct house. Where’s Waldo HGTV edition. The house we rolled up to was in the boondocks of America. Open fields, crickets in the trees, acorns in the grass. ALL that extra outdoor shit- that most people of color aren't used to. Red Flag #1 for my girls and I.

We find the house, walk up to the door, hear hip hop and see blue lights through the doorway. The people on the front steps were super animated, with beers in hand excited by our presence and waving us inside. Ok, not so bad right? We get inside the function and immediately found ourselves surrounded by the color white. White people, in all white outfits and glow in the dark paint. ‘What in the fuck?’ I thought to myself. Red flag #2. We were already the only girls of color in there, but we really stuck out like sore thumbs because of what our outfits looked like compared to theirs. Ours being of course fly AF: sneakers and cute outfits. I also had a head scarf because #blackgirlmagic.

So we’re hella black with a little ratchet sprinkled on top - aka our usual late night steelo. Anyway, things were cool for about 10 minutes. We even got the DJ to play our current group anthem, ‘bad and booujee’. And then we had to pee. This is when things took a turn (I know there’s already two red flags but bare with me).

Usually the bathrooms are overflowing with drunk girls who befriend you and compliment your hair and makeup. Nope, not at the soccer house. I got neo nazi vibes from a redhead who tried to play me when I asked if the door behind her was the bathroom. This was the convo:

"Hey is this the bathroom?" Shawty didn’t even look in my direction as she says in her very sweet valley high voice, "not really." What the fuckery does ‘not really’ mean? It’s either a bathroom or it isn’t. I took a breath and asked her again. "Is this the bathroom?" She answers me while walking away, back towards me "Yea”.

Simultaneously, the bathroom door opens, my girl goes to pee. Five seconds later, I'm getting pressed by a 5'2 pixie stick brunette. Shawty hits me with the illest deer in headlights look, and asks bluntly; speaking to me with that sweet valley high accent I just finished hearing:

"Hi, I own this house. Who are you?"

GIRL. Since she wasted no time, neither did I.

"What's wrong? Is this an invite only event? " She replied with, "No, but again, who are you? I don't know you. I've never seen you.”

Side note: If this was Thanksgiving dinner and I rolled up to your house and ate your apple pie, then I can understand where the attitude in this scenario was stemming from. But this is a COLLEGE PARTY. Gold ticket not necessary.

I shot back with, "would you like for us to leave? " to which she responded with "of course not, you're already here I'm not going to kick you out. I'm not a dick."Au contraire, you ARE a dick. I could tell that she was shook after realizing I wasn’t with the shits. But it was obvious our presence was a disturbance in her white on white only party.

By the looks of that house, I can draw the conclusion that her interaction with people of color was extremely limited. I was black and I was direct, uninhibited by my awkward ass location or the stupid look she had on her face. Intimidation was not a tactic she was going to pull off on me. Despite her deserving me coming out my face, I tried to be nice (I know, I know); I shook her hand and tried to introduce myself in order to smooth things over. It did nothing. After that, she stood there and stared at me, FOR THE LONGEST TIME. I thought someone at that point was going to come out of one of the rooms with a shotgun and/or white hood and run us off of the property. I saw ‘Get Out’ the day before, so my senses were already on high alert.

I was not gonna have us wait to get got.

As soon as my girl got out of the bathroom, we dipped. I'm not going to stay where I'm not welcomed, I've never been that pressed for a party. Especially when my spidey senses are telling me my exit awaits.

So we get in the car and drive off. But as I'm looking at the rear view I can't help but notice the stark difference in her approach. If I was dressed in all white with sour cream complected skin, I highly doubt that she would've pressed me in the way that she did, clearly trying to make me uncomfortable. I was angry at first, but ultimately felt disappointed. That was a blatant act of prejudice, as I was the one singled out from the crowd of drunken white kids. Something that I hadn't experienced with someone my own age in a very long time. I was taken aback.

As much hope as people like to say they have for our millennial generation, you have to remember that the revolutionary 18-25 demographic wasn't raised by themselves or without influence. The antiquated thoughts and principles still carry through to the next generation. That evening served as a reminder of that. If someone chooses to stray away from the ignorance that they were taught, then I applaud them. The fact that my friends and I had that interaction further proves that people make the conscientious decision to be ignorant and hateful. Because they can. This girl knew where she was, and we as women of color just trying to enjoy a regular degular Saturday night didn’t have the luxury of showing our ass, not when there’s a possibility of landing on the nightly news or becoming another hashtag on social media. In a city like NYC where our bubble allows us to be around ‘other’ 24/7 it was something else to be the minority. White young adults that come here for school have a real opportunity to step out of their bubbles from the suburbs of CT and Vermont and learn something by simply being around ‘other’. If you have a roommate, who is white, share this story with them. Maybe they’ll intervene when they see one of their friends scaring away the diversity in the room.

So MOB, all I have left to say is stay woke. Adventure awaits, just not in the boonies.

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Couldn't make it to TGM DAY? Here's a recap of what you missed but can join in on next summer!

what was TGM DAY:

over two years ago theGIRLMOB founder Yari Blanco told herself that one day she would put together a one day festival that was a hybrid between the panel discussions she loved to attend and the summer rooftop parties only nyc knows how to throw. she wanted a space where women of color could gather, chop it up, learn something new, dance a bit, laugh a lot and feel love.

our panels + panelists:

"ME, MYSELF AND I" moderated by Sasha

TGM Day proved to be an extraordinary day filled with extraordinary women who came together in pursuit of one thing: clarity. We sought clarity in ourselves, in our work, in our magic and most importantly, in each other. The self-love panel welcomed three amazing panelists, Ebonee Davis, Christina Bright and Mel Burgos, to share personal experiences and misconceptions along their journeys with 80 young women of color.

Concepts so simple, so juvenile—can at last become your saving grace. We also realized that acts of doubt, confusion and self-hate are not born with us — they are learned from our surroundings. These frames of mind have been passed down since the beginning of time. Women, until very recent history, have been held, universally, in low regard. We have not always shared the same rights as men—in many ways we still don’t—and we would be naive to require to be equal. The colonization of Africa, South America and the West Indies taught women of color that we should strive to be whiter, fairer—for our hair to be straighter, longer—eyes to be brighter, clearer. That what we already have isn’t enough.

Ebonee davis

discussed her rebirth in the fashion industry, when she called out designers for perpetuating racist stigmas instead of using their power and influence to help abandon those notions. After the death of two unarmed black men at the hands of police, she penned an open-letter to the fashion community reminding them of their responsibilities as one of the most strongest industries with the highest chance of creating social impact. She rejected idolized “straight-hair” and decided to wear her hair natural, a risk that reaped its rewards when Calvin Klein made her the face of their campaign, hair to the sky—in all its glory.

Mel Burgos

discussed the defining moment that brought about her #iamlettingGo campaign. One bad breakup too many made her decide to start over. Her theory thatch possessed a superficial attachment to her that manifested a multitude of insecurities and untruths around her character deemed to be false. She shaved her hair off in a powerful video that she shared with the world. Post-scalping the insecurities remained. And to her surprised, her hair had nothing to do with them. The fear, and confusion she believed laid within her curls in fact sat inside her. And until she realized that, she was not able to let them go.

Chris Bright

energetic, passionate and fragile never strayed away from her emotions, in fact, she puts them on display as a form of personal empowerment. She’s not afraid to say she’s broke, or broken. She uses her openness as a form of self-therapy. An advocate of co-parenting, she shared an inspiring story of her journey to forgive her sons father for all his wrongdoings as a path to prioritize the welfare of her son and personal contentment. It was so powerful to see a woman using her child as a path to freedom, and not pawn in a chess game.

We saw the effects of release — whether through words you’ve been longing to say, hair you’ve been longing to leave behind or situations you’ve been longing you absolve. The power of self-love is learning that putting yourself first goes far beyond pouring yourself tea in the morning and stretching, its about all the little things you have to do to clear your mental sky of clouds. And free your soul of unnecessary weight. Then, and, only then may your journey to self-love begin.

"real magic" moderated by kimber

I've always been fascinated by astrology, intuition and phenomena that can't be explained, so I was intrigued and honored to host the Real Magic panel during TGM Day. I was also grateful to speak to three true experts in this field: Reiki healer and crystal shop owner, Auset NTRU Gaia (formerly Taren Guy), Astrologer Mecca Woods and Breathwork and Shamaic Practitioner, Siedeh Foxie.

We talked about everything from how crystals work to how our panel's parents reacted to them practicing different forms of healing and spirit-work. There were a ton of magical and enlightening moments for everyone, but I want to share the moments that stood out to me: Across the board our panel mentioned that they felt called to their respective practices. In most cases, sometimes going as far back as early childhood, they experienced strong intuitive inclination. We learned that we're all born with some level of intuition and it can be honed and sharpened through practice.

Speaking of practice, it was recommended that people wanting to learn more about crystals, astrology or other astral/energy tools should visit new age/spirituality bookshops and purchase the items that intuitively call to them. In may cases the tools that you need at this particular moment in life will attract you to them.

When asked how each woman responded to cynics, the consensus was that it's better not to respond. There's an understanding that some people just wont understand, but when people need help tapping into self or the universe, members of the panel said they were happy to assist.

We concluded the panel discussion with two amazing workshops. The first was a natal chart exercise led by Mecca, helping our audience understand their personality based on the planets position during their times of birth. The second was a breath-work exercise with Siedeh. Each woman was asked to place her feet on the floor, her hands on her heart and abdomen then breathe for 2-3 minutes (two quick breaths out and one deep out with "HA" sound). After the exercise there was a definite calm in the room that everyone could feel and it was a beautiful way to wrap the day.

For me, the biggest takeaway from the panel was to be open to the world and open to yourself. Listen to your gut and let it lead you in the right direction.

"i'm a hustler baby" moderated by yari

Who hasn't read or posted #teamnosleep #nevernotworking and the million other expressions we use online to tell our peers and the internet that we are DOING SOMETHING ? We've all low key or blatantly showed off in that regard- and you should! No one else is going to toot your horn for you. I'm a Hustler Baby - was about kicking off our shoes, letting our "hair down" and being honest about what it takes to be a true hustler - whether you do it full time or part time is a different question and entirely up to you.

FARAH PINK

reminded us that just because we have a 9-5 does not mean we can't pursue the other things we love. You want to make extra cash? Work your closet, angles and highlight and sell those old Levi's collecting dust on your shelf. And if you find yourself killing it on depop, put that cash back into your business by getting new items from local thrift stores (or your neighbors garage sale) and flipping it on your platform. She also shared some wise words from her experience on the Brunch Bounce team - when trying to go into new markets research is key. Find out what your demographic is into in that city/town and make sure you can deliver on that. Oh! and don't be pressed about 1000 people showing up to your first event in a new market, the most important thing is that those who do show up have such a bomb ass time that they'll tell their friends and come out when you return.

MELISSA KIMBLE

who just moved from Chicago to NYC! shared some gems on how to choose who to work with (building relationships before hand is key before you go asking people for favors or random things) and being patient with how you build your digital presence. As the founder of @blkcreatives she shared how she'd been building the online community around her brand since 2012 and now her readers/followers trust the brand. That's what we all want from our supporters TRUST! so that when you're recommending something or selling your new jewelry line they believe in you and in what you're saying.

MAURA CHANZ

kept us on the edge of our chairs as she kept it extra honest about how being an entrepreneur means being broke half the time. People glamorize the "girl boss" life but don't show the behind the scenes of when they're rent is due and they only have half the money. She shared that while you might have to pause on certain lifestyle wants (dinner and drinks during the week with your girls) you can remind yourself that all the work you're putting in is so that you can ball out in the not so distant future. As a recent grad from Spelman College, she reminded the students in the room that if you're paying for school (or your parents are) then school should be first on your list, your creativity isn't going no where and you can still find time to build your craft while getting that degree. YES YOU CAN.

This panel was close to me as I (along with my team) continue to build theGIRLMOB and continue to connect with you as our reader and digital sister. I know we as women will stop ourselves from purusing things unless we feel we are 100% ready to take that leap. The thing is, you should just take it. No one is going to do it for you. And if you don't succeed, as Maura said "Oprah was fired at 23" - keep pushing, keep glowing MOB.

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thank you:

thank you to our beautiful DJs who came out and gave us tunes to close out the eventful day! you ladies are amazing! thank you to PÜR Costemics, Jane Carter Solution, CORE water and Dyckman Beer for their support at our first TGM Day. And last but not least, thank you to our MOB who came out and supported! We hope to see you again next year with your girls in tow. #TGMDAY