Sunday, May 02, 2010

Lazy-Ass Librarian Sunday: Oh, Sweet Mystery of LIfe, I've Found You!

(in an attempt to get my house vacuumed, dear readers, I'm recycling an old post. So there.)

I have been deflowered. There, I’ve said it.And what creation has so captured my fancy?No, it’s not a beautiful woman.And it’s not the finest wine in Europe, either.

It’s Bed, Bath and Beyond that has turned my fair head.I’ve heard mention of it, but I had no idea.The variety!The style!The prices!

I spent some time there today while waiting for a ride, and I learned so much about myself.I learned that there are all kinds of things I simply must have in order to survive!

Think I’m being melodramatic?Absolutely not.Here, let me tell you what I found.Maybe you need this stuff, too!

First, there’s the crème brulee kit for $19.99.I’ve never eaten crème brulee, and honestly, I don’t really even know what it is.But the kit comes with a torch!

The digital grilling fork is another bargain at $14.99.Now, I don’t cook, but I've heard grills are used for baking steaks, and that's reason enough to own one. I must be digitally prepared!

Oh – there’s the AM/FM radio pen.Only $4.99!It even has a string so you can wear it around your neck!It’s purple!

And I mustn’t forget the Fill’Er Up Liquor Pump.You fill this old-fashioned gas-pump thingy with your favorite booze, and then you dispense it out the little nozzle.At $49.99, it brings a whole new meaning to the word “gassed.”Just too cute!

And where else can you get 100 cookie cutters for $9.99?Okay, so I haven’t made cookies since 1997, but I could get a domestic hot flash at any time!

Oh, and the Party Pump!What is a Party Pump?I don’t know!But I’m pretty sure that at $29.99 (on clearance!), I really need one!

Do you see why I’m so excited?And I didn’t even get to the bathroom stuff! I’m telling you, there are just all kinds of things out there that I have to have.

You’ve got to hand it to our capitalist economy.Talk about efficiency!I mean, knowing what you need before you even know you need it yourself!

But I’m afraid I’ve tarried too long here.You’ll have to excuse me so I can go meditate over my L.L. Bean catalog.Fleece!Flannel!