Ahh! Sticky Family Situation!

My cousin is getting married in September. I saw her sister in the grocery store and asked about the shower. Last I spoke to her, she said his family had kind of commandeered the whole shower, even though she is the MOH. Anyway, she said she was shooting for a Saturday in September, on which I already have another commitment that I cannot break. Our church is having a fall festival, and I am in charge of the raffle. I cannot leave since my name is on the raffle license as the person in charge, and it is my responsibility. This has been planned since January, and I have mentioned it several times on Facebook and in person. I know my cousin has to do the date that is good for her, since she works and her sister’s FIs family has other plans prior to it. I just don’t want any hard feelings, since the cousin getting married is my MOH. I don’t have good feelings toward her FI, and she may think this is why I have to skip the shower. I will send a gift, but beyond that I can’t go. I just don’t want any hard feelings.

You are over thinking. People can’t expect you to make every social obligation ever. I would make sure your reasoning is known, and make your appology for not being able to be there.

What I have done in the past, though, when I couldn’t make a shower of a close friend was go out for a dinner with either just the two of us, or us and SOs. It happened twice that I couldn’t go. One was for a girl who’s wedding I was in, but I was in back to back weddings, and both of the girls had showers on the same day, but one I was hosting. The second was a girl who’s shower was durring my honeymoon. Both time I saved the gift and brought it to dinner, and it was actually fun just hanging out.

This is tough. I would say talk to the bride one on one, explain the prior engagement and assure her that you would be at the shower if you could. I would even say you want to make sure there are no hard feelings. If i were the bride, I would understand and appreciate that you took the extra effort to explain to me why you couldn’t be there. Just my opinion and I don’t consider myself well-versed in ettiquette. Hope this helps!

I’ve had to miss my fair share of showers and bachelorette parties and nobody has ever had any hard feelings. Like all events, there’s always a handful of guests who have prior commitments. Most hosts will completely understand. They’ve known about your festival for months and (hopefully) know that you won’t be able to pull yourself away from it to attend the shower. Send a gift, send a card saying that you wish you could have made it, and things will be fine.

brendaray2009: Just talk to her. As of right now, you said they were “shooting” for that particular date. They might move it to another date, but if they choose the Saturday you are unavailable, simply talk to her. I’m sure she’ll understand. You’ve had this prior commitment for months. Things like this happen. Offer to take her out to lunch at a different time and send a card and a gift in your place.

Lots of great advice! Thank you Bees! My cousin is a bit of a drama queen, and she is the type who like everything her way. That is why she loves her FI so much, he agrees with everything, and never tells her no. I love my cousin very much, we are close. Not as close as we once were since she began dating this guy, but still good!