In what seemed to be the first major attack on American soil post 9/11, armed terrorists barged into Twitter headquarters in the wee hours of today and blew up the mammoth Twitter-egg that held all the tweets.

On exploding, the oval structure released voluminous metric tons of tears of heartbreak and agony it had accumulated from all corners of the world. The water gushed out of the building with tremendous force rupturing the walls around it and flooded the nearby streets driving morning joggers to panic and rush for safety. Chaos erupted in the city of San Francisco as residents feared it was a Tsunami and rumours of doomsday came to the fore. The Army had to be called in to control the situation.

Twitter egg, before it was blown up

In the wake of this tragic incident, the micro-blogging site went down and in its place appeared some strange text in Arabic leaving millions of users around the world rattled. As the news of Twitter’s demise started spreading, several people have reportedly slipped into depression and many have even attempted suicide after being unable to digest the trauma of losing something they thought they can’t live without.

“I have typed around 20,000 tweets. They are all gone now. So are my followers. I can’t even imagine starting everything from the scratch again,” said a weeping Shritika, a 20-year-old student from Delhi who had a pretty profile picture that attracted over 5000 followers, most of them men, on Twitter.

Shritika revealed how Twitter became her best friend and made her feel like a celebrity as her followers, all of whom she had never met before, paid careful attention to her tweets, commented and retweeted even the dumbest of things she wrote, whereas in real life she was an introvert and found it hard to socialise.

“Like even last night, I just tweeted ‘Abracadabra’ and it was retweeted by 50 people and favourited by 40,” she added wiping the tears flowing down her cheek.

Her voice was echoed by thousands of men and women who took to the streets in protest against the attack. Jantar Mantar, the official protest site of India, saw a rapid surge in attendance as violent mobs gathered there and shouted slogans against Rahul Gandhi.

Most of them took photos of themselves and posted them on Facebook beaming with pride in being a protester. A small crowd also gathered in front of Rashtrapati Bhavan wearing gas masks and goggles and brandished placards saying ‘RIP Twitter’.

CNN-IBN’s Rajdeep Sardesai telecasted a 1-hour programme in which he paid obituary to Twitter by silently staring at the camera for 55 minutes and then sobbed and confessed that he now had nobody to say ‘Good Night’ to.

Meanwhile, Kamaal.R.Khan, a former Bigg Boss contestant and self-proclaimed film critic, who has kissed and kicked several celebrities on Twitter, was arrested after he lost his mental balance and started kissing and kicking random people in the streets of Dubai.

A former Twitter employee, on condition of anonymity, commented, “Whenever people are happy, they are sharing their joy on Facebook. And when they get depressed or annoyed over something, they are venting out all their sorrow and frustration on Twitter. Increasingly Twitter has become one big dump yard of all the unhappiness from all corners of the world. The egg had already developed cracks and would have burst sooner or later even if the terrorists hadn’t attacked it.”

More appalling reports emerged from different parts of the globe that people were receiving their own tweets by e-mails and texts as Twitter had no spare egg to store them all. Mobile networks were jammed and internet speeds shrunk as aghast netizens stayed away from their cellphones and computers after seeing thousands of unread messages in their inboxes containing all that they had posted over a period of time on Twitter.

There were unconfirmed reports that the police personnel in the US have tracked down the dugout where the terrorists had been hiding before the attack and discovered some Pakistan passports in a heap. Denying those allegations, Pakistan’s Interior Minister Rehman Malik stated, “We strongly condemn this act of terrorism. But this clearly conveys Americans are not safe in their own country. The US government must provide enough security to its people and buildings.”