I gotta warn you about the following footage. Some viewers may be alarmed by the lack of actual violence. As draconian as the NBA can seem, Stephen Jackson and Ron Artest can pummel the fans and the phrase "banned for life" doesn't come up.

When you hear the headlines, "Renaldo Balkman banned for life for choking teammate", it's natural to picture bulging eye balls, frantic attempts to pry off Balkman, and screams of terror from the audience. This video lacks all of these things. In actuality, it probably only contains about a second of actual strangling.

You might know Balkman's former team, the Petron Blaze Boosters, better by its previous name, the Magnolia Beverage Masters. It's also possible you know them as the San Miguel Beermen. Fans of the team often divide the team's chronology into two distinct periods: BRT (Before Ronald Tubid) and ART (After Ronald Tubid). "The Fearless" Ronald Tubid may only have been with the team for a couple years, but that was several names ago and therefore it feels like more time has passed. Fortunately for him, Renaldo didn't pick a fight with Ronald Tubid, otherwise he would've been doubtlessly split in half with a blow like a lumberjack's axe.

The teammate Balkman strangled has been with the team since the Beermen days. Arwind Santos was acquired from the Burger King in exchange for Marc Pingris, Ken Bono, and future draft picks.

Chito Salud impressed even his American counterpart, the Dark Emperor Stern, with his iron fist. In part, the harshness of this penalty could stem from the love fans have for Arwind Santos. Santos was a member of the mythical five, which tragically hasn't been the subject of a movie yet—or at least made the title for an unrelated movie.

It's sad how despite his cool nickname, Arwind 'Spiderman' Santos is best known amongst NBA fans as the guy Balkman choked. So without further ado, an Arwind Santos Mix Tape:

I hope one day we can think of Arwind 'Spiderman' Santos and not have our thoughts immediately leap to Balkman's steely fingers closing around his neck.

Permaban may been unreasonable, but Balkman really looks like a world class douche there. Clearly he thinks he's better than everybody else there. Reality check, Renaldo: if you were that great, you'd be in the NBA.

"The Fearless" Ronald Tubid may only have been with the team for a couple years, but that was several names ago and therefore it feels like more time has passed.

This is a week late but maybe you meant for a couple of games? Ronald "The Fearless" Tubid has only been acquired a few months ago (Jan 2013) and has not played a full season yet with the Petron Blaze Boosters.