Could You Rob a Casino?

February 26, 2018

Don’t lie to me and say you haven’t thought about robbing a casino. You have. Its okay, we all have. I was doing it five minutes ago, which is why I wrote this blog. There is, after all, something very alluring about the thought of putting in a high risk, small amount of work, and afterwards being set up for the rest of your life. And yes, I have also seen Ocean’s Eleven, and yes, I agree it seems like you could be incredibly cool pulling off a casino heist. Not ‘George-Clooney-cool’, but as close as the average person can get.

The universally agreed upon thought seems to be that a casino really wouldn’t miss a few million, in the case of it being stolen. I mean, just look at your average casino. Take in the mammoth architecture and overly flamboyant design. Would the owners of this building miss a million or two? Of course they wouldn’t. And, let’s just pretend that the owner of your casino robbery location of choice is also an unscrupulous man who deserves to be robbed. There; that will clear your conscience and make the rest of this blog much easier to digest.

Casino Security Systems

I’m not ridiculously wealthy, and this is probably why I want to rob a casino in the first place. The downside of this is that I can’t afford the fancy gadgets and gizmos used by the characters in Ocean’s Eleven. Those guys really seemed like they had plenty of cash to start off with. Instead, I’m going to have to settle for good old-fashioned strategy to get away with this, using ordinary equipment not requiring a loan to purchase.

Now, I read up a great deal on modern casino security, both for this blog and another. And, it turns out, people aren’t joking when they say modern casinos are Fort Knox. Besides the elaborate security camera systems, and the small army of security personal, a casino building itself is designed to be incredibly difficult to rob.

There are a few, highly guarded entrances into a casino, and the actual casino part, where the money is kept, is generally close to the centre of the building, surrounded by a maze of shops and tight corridors. Anyone wanting to get at the cash has to get through an entrance, where they will be searched and scanned, through the maze, and to the heart of the building. Then, they have to steal the cash, with guns made of plastic presumably, after which the cash has to be taken back through the maze and to an exit.

Cash In Transit

Ever thought about why casinos are designed the way they are? Well, now you know. Let me be the first to say that you would be dead many times trying to pull the above-mentioned plan off. Smart people, like you and me, know that the best thing to do is grab the cash when it is in transit.

Casinos have to transport crazy sums of cash on a regular basis, generally tens of millions. This is, of course, done via armoured vehicles. And a vehicle is obviously the easier target, after looking at the above-mentioned building.

Not really. Modern casinos transport their cash in a vehicle so tough it couldn’t be cracked by a blowtorch. The vehicles use once-off code systems, are monitored by GPS, and can, obviously, be remotely deactivated.

Furthermore, casinos hate people stealing their money so much that if the vehicle comes under serious threat and a thief attempts to open the van, the money will self-destruct. No, I’m not joking. Some casino will rather burn their money rather than have you steal it.

The Plan

Having processed the above information, I have come up with a plan. I think you’ll like it. First, one of us has to get superpowers. This can be achieved by simply jumping into a vat of radioactive waste. You should probably do it, being that you’re the better looking one, and will make the more appealing superhero. Once the superhero part is achieved, we sell your life story and make millions. Naturally, the millions will be split fifty-fifty. We’re all equal partners here.

In all seriousness, there are a number of well-known real world casino heists you can read about online. The vast majority were not successful. One that did succeed was a woman and her boyfriend; cash in transit vehicle drivers, who simply drove off with the cash. This would not succeed today, given GPS and remote vehicle deactivation. The woman later turned herself in after her boyfriend took the cash and ran.

The other was a casino cashier who walked out with a bag full of cash, and wasn’t stopped due to his long time employment at the casino. This man gets my Brass Coconuts Award! He is one of the few people in history who have gotten away, and never been found… makes you think, doesn’t it?