I Don't Care, the Dress is Totally Worth the Hatemail

February 01, 2006

So you know what sucks about being a working parent?

THE WORKING PART.

Like, I am not allowed to just show up and collect paychecks while spending my day telling people about How Awesome Noah Is, I Mean Really Ridiculously Awesome, Look At These Pictures, Wait, Where Are You Going?

I am expected to WORK. BASTARDS.

The Wednesday Advice Smackdown has been demoted to the Friday Advice Smackdown, because today and tomorrow are going to suck, work-wise, and if the vending machine guy doesn't get here soon and restock the Cokes, I may have to kill someone. Hard.

Tonight we are going out for a nice dinner to mark the eight-year anniversary of our first date, mashed together with first anniversary of when we found out I was pregnant (January 23rd, by the way; would it kill you to send a card?) and also Valentine's Day.

We are combining celebrations to save our babysitter's sanity, because just wait until she sees the poops this solid-food-eating baby is producing these days. HA HA!

Also to save money.

Except for the part where I got so excited about our nice dinner out that I bought a new dress that cost as much as a week of daycare.

Oh yes. I did.

Between this and BlogHer, my savings account is very, very mad at me. "Why? Why do you abuse me?" my saving account cries. "I wanted to see you through retirement! I wanted to buy you a house with a yard! You went back to work so you could leave me to grow and compound in peace! These credit card statements, they burn! They buuuurn!"

And I spit on my savings account, because sometimes, you just need to be stupid and buy a dress that will make your husband ogle your boobs.

There. That is my advice for today: Impending financial ruin is no match for a flouncy out-of-season dress, so long as you also buy a sensible sweater wrap to cover your shoulders.

My boobs cannot handle all this ogling.

EDITED TO ADD THE MELTDOWN THAT I WAS TRYING TO PRETEND THAT I AM TOO COOL AND CAREFREE TO HAVE:

OH MY GOD, I am freaking out about this dress. This dress that Jason FORCED me to buy for myself as a you-survived-a-whole-month-at-work present, and it was honestly the cheapest dress in the store, so I had no sense of CONTEXT, and the numbers on the price tag did not really turn into actual dollar numbers until I was at the register handing over my credit card. And I looked at Jason with big, frightened eyes and whispered that the Internet is going to KILL ME, and he said fuck the Internet, you don't have to tell them about it, and yet here I am, telling the fucking Internet, because perhaps I subconsciously believe that I deserve to be punished.

I am totally returning the dress after work. And I'm going to ask for my refund in PENNIES, and I shall put all the pennies in my bathtub, and I shall sit on top of my bathtub of pennies with a shotgun and stare suspiciously at the bathtowels and rant about the government trying to steal my precious, precious pennies.

Comments

Don't worry. The dinner will be lovely with or without forced boob-ogling. Although, surely you have something else in your closet that will feature said boobs in an appropriately salacious manner. No?

NOOOO! Do not cave to the scary, judgy, crankypants internet people! Keep the dress! Jason wants you to have the dress. Clearly that trumps the scary, judgy, crankypants internet people. (Just post pictures of you wearing the pretty, pretty dress that shows off your boobs, so we can go find one like it that OUR husbands will force us to buy. Consider that a special service you're doing all of us. It will help with the guilt.)

Can we see a picture of the dress before you return it? Cuz it's hard for me to be properly judgmental when I haven't even seen what I'm judging. JOKE!!! Seriously, keep the dress -- and still post a picture. ;)

Hehehe. I'm too busying thinking about if you were sitting on a bathtub full of PANTIES because that is what it sounded like in my head when I read it and the 9 year old boy in me started giggling imaginging you guarding a tub full of PANTIES with a shotgun.

Don't return the dress!!! If you do, you may turn into some version of my mother who never spent any money on herself when we were growing up. And where did that leave her? With the same hairstyle she got when my brother was a baby. Thirty-two years ago!!!

Unless it means you won't be able to feed your child, it is NOT selfish to spend money on something that makes you feel beautiful. Think of it this way--if you weren't combining these celebrations, you would have needed 3 dresses and even if they were all cheaper, it still would have added up to possibly more than this dress!

Okay, I feel so strongly about the dress that I'm officially de-lurking.

You must keep the dress. You deserve the dress. You need the dress. And the dress needs you.

(BTW, where did you get the dress and what does it look like, if I may ask? I am a total clothes and shoes--not so much bags or hair, though I still enjoy reading your bag advice/adventures in hairstyling--junkie.

I am a firm believer that clothes are very important for your well-being and mental health. Am a Big Proponent of Retail Therapy. Last week? When my boyfriend was out of town? I bought some fabulous purple pointy boots. Because I wanted to. And because I'm a grown-up now and have a paycheck to spend frivolously. I work hard for my money, and I deserve a shot in the armoire...

Also, to assuage feelings of guilt, you can simply wear the dress over and over, and it will literally work out to pennies per wear. Pennies. That's what I'm sayin'.

"this dress is totally worth the hatemail"
Girl, keep the damn dress! What happend between the title and the last part were you are returning?
keep it, 4 months after Noah and a month at work you deserve to feel beautiful!!!

You've gotta live sometimes. You work hard, you've survived a hell of a lot, and dammit, it's just a dress, not a Corvette or house in the Hamptons. Sometimes we need a little frivilous to get through the serious parts of life.

This is the arguement I give my fiance when I come home with a thirteen-dollar bottle of Alterna Moisturizing Glaze. "I know we're saving for a wedding, honey, but right now I'm SAVING MY HAIR."

Oh, boy. I know this is going to make me very, unpopular. But I am assuming that a week of daycare cost more that what I pay weekly for my part-time nanny. Probably more than 2x as much, but for the sake of argument, let's hold that number at 2x. Conservatively, the dress had to cost 500 bucks. I would not feel responsible keeping that dress. If I was single or rich or even married and childless and doing OK, I might feel differently.

Keep the dress. I bought a similar $$$$$$ panic inducing dress in December and my credit card is STILL MAD at me for buying it, and the pretty sparkly shoes I needed to go with it...but it does look OH SO PRETTY hanging in my closet. lol

I say keep the dress. Having your husband ogle at you is totally worth it.

It could be worse, you could have your husband mad at you for totally screwing up your withholding and so now you're out, like, $800 that was going toward the house down payment fund. Not that *I* did anything like that.

Keep the dress! I'm have a feeling you were shopping in the newly redone Chevy Chase area of DC. The beautiful stores of Gucci, Barney's, Tiffany, Jimmy Choo.. oh those shoes... Sorry I’m off track back to the dress at hand.

I firmly believe if you look hot in it and like it. Keep it. You just had a baby, you deserve something nice!

Plus if it's designer then I’m quite sure it's well made and will last for a long time. Wear it to bed, wear it to garden, just try it on and walk around the house for a few minutes. All those count into the all important Price per wear ratio, which is how i justify all large purchases. I figure if can get something down to $20/wear, it was a total steal! Then you can sell in 20 years as vintage and make a ton off it. Then the dress becomes profitable and even more justifiable.

Keep the dress. I was out shoe shopping today because I need catharsis damnit, and didn't buy the cute Coach clogs that were on sale for $150 b/c I only work part time and am about to have to pay off a $2500 divorce lawyer and I'm not even getting alimony, but damn I needed some cute black Coach clogs. Why didn't I buy them? Because I am estupida. Life is too short. Again, keep the dress.

I know all about spending money when you aren't supposed to. My husband and I have a ridiculous amount of student loan and credit card debt that we racked up as students. Now that we are grown-ups making lots of money we should theoretically be paying down our debt and saving. But what do we do? We set our money on fire! And it is so much fun! Seriously, though, we are getting better about it and figuring out how to b-u-d-g-e-t but we still occasionally go crazy and buy something outrageous or spend too much on dinner (easy to do here in NYC), because sometimes you just need to.

Yeah if the dress had costed $500 I would have said return it. In my mind the dress cost you around $150. So in order to make a sound judgment I would have to see a pic of you in the dress... so take a pic of the boob dress and let us all take a vote. And then IF you return it... have them just credit your card cuz pennies are SO hard to lug home.

i too feel so strongly, i'm delurking and creeping out from behind my monitor to tell you to KEEP THE DRESS!

if it makes you feel beautiful and sexy then it is worth it. i recently bought a bcbg (!) dress which was by far the most expensive single piece of clothing i've ever bought but i felt damn sexy every minute i wore it, and my boyfriend couldn't keep his hands off me all night which is priceless.

chalk up another vote, i want to see the dress too. let us give you the advice smackdown, you never know one of us might know where to get something just like it for less.

My apoloigies. I had heard daycare costs quite a bit more than a nanny does, and we pay our nanny 16 an hour, for 15 hours. In light of the fact that the dress does not cost anything near 500 bucks, I hereby withdraw my previous comment, and wish you a lovely dinner in your gorgeous dress.

Keep the dress- a 3-in-1 celebration not only means that you are not buying 3 separate outfits, but also that you are not buying 3 separate meals or paying a babysitter 3 times.

And, if Jason gave his blessing, he must really like the dress. which means that you will feel sexy and 'unmommy-like' for an evening. Which is a good thing for a relationship. Too easy to fall into the comfy clothes/baby-food covered/ponytail persona- variety is needed!

You can always return the dress after you wear it, just to make your checking account (and you) feel better. Not that I'm condoning that kind of conduct.
And please please, post a picture of the dress!

Since you seem unsure, here's some more unsolicited advice. And I am really, tremendously fiscally responsible, so I know which I speak.

If you love the dress, can imagine at least five occasions on which you might wear it, and promise to wear it on said occasions, keep the dress. BUT, to make up for it, you must give up an equivalent amount of money in other luxuries that you normally have. For example, you like to eat out. So if the dress cost $200, you must skip approximately $200 worth of lunches or dinners out to make up for it. That way you get to keep the dress, but it does not affect the bottom line.

I totally had the dress in the realm of $500...if it is only in the $150 range...why are you even considering returning it? I think Noah would agree that 9 months of pregnancy is worth at least that....

Don't you dare return that dress! Just because you have a baby and daycare and responsibilities, doesn't mean you no longer get to pamper yourself. (or your husband in this case.) Pamper yourself! Pamper, I say. Enjoy the oogling and the fancy fanciness of the fancy dress and dinner out. Enjoy, I say! There, now the internet is encouraging you to keep the dress.

doesn't matter how much the dress cost. if your husband is going to oogle your boobs, in 50 years, which is going to be more important? great boob dress or decent ira leftovers? the answer speaks for itself. (you realize it's the great boob dress, right?)

Don't you dare take that dress back! Every mom deserves to feel gorgeous and sexy. It's just money. You can't die with it, right? Ohhhh, is there some sort of fancy dinner night at Blogher? If so, you could totally wear the dress there to and make everyone really hate you b/c you will look so fabulous!
I'm with Jenn, comment #3 on the mental image of you sitting in a bathtub full of pennies.
Last thing, for real, we do need pictures!!!!

I'm also delurking to say "Keep it". I look at it as a Valentine's/Anniversary x 2 gift from Jason. Now how could you possibly tell him, "No, thank you. I don't want your well-meaning, loving, generous gift."??????

And if you still have guilt about the dress -- go buy Noah a real cute outfit or toy or library of books ..... I always feel better after splurging a little more on my little ones.

And -- one last point! -- why care what anyone thinks other than you, your husband, Noah and perhaps your babysitter (who has to smell flowery poops)?

Keep the dress and the pain will eventually go away. I should know, Last week I bid $500 on a vintage hermes scarf on e-bay and I found out today that I won. Oh boy, lucky me. Just like pulling off a band-aid...from a gun shot wound.

One last thing, and then I'll stop commenting on this. I was not commenting to be judgey or righteous or anything else. I commented because it seemed as though Amalah wanted opinions, and since I am similarly situated and struggle with this issue all the time, I thought I would share my opinion.

Whatever, I don't want to hear about the dress guilt until the dress costs the same as a CAR.

At least you didn't buy that $32,000 diamond-encrusted bra everyone was sending press releases about LAST Valentine's Day. Do you remember? I mean, honestly. It could hardly be COMFORTABLE, could it? And under clothes?! Everyone would always think you were a little chilly. And that you had, like, seventy nipples that were showing the world just how chilly you were.

Obviously some of us need to be entertained more frequantly at our work places- What better way to spend the afternoon than to speculate on the cost of a dress we ourselves did not buy???
$500 Range, $150 Range...no one REALLY cares about the cost...we just want to see it!

And I am commanding you to look DEEP into my eyes and KEEP THE FUCKING DRESS. Seriously. None of us are getting any younger. If you have a fabulous boob dress that encourages the ogling...buy it in every damn color because the good time that will follow the dress coming off are worth SOOO much more than you could possibly spend on it...

And also? Where did you get it because I'm thinking that a magic dress like that is just what I'm looking for...

Clip the tags. Right now. Go find scissors and clip the tag. Ahhhh, there. Decision made! The dress stays, and you will be gorgeous in your sexy new dress! Happy babies have happy mommies and what makes mommy happier than a cute new dress for date night? Well, a cute new dress with a cute new purse . . . but I digress.

Keep the dress! (she says along with everyone else on the internet) I am still living at home so I have no sense of money responsibility yet, but you are a Grown Up and you just had a baby, so you totally deserve it!
Also I am still bitter because I saw the most perfect dress EVER and I couldn't buy it because I didn't have an even to wear it to. Or the money to buy it. But anyway, keep it and I'll live through you!

I am sure my opinion will not be valid. I think you should stop complaining about working. Here's the deal, you want to work. That is your decision to live with. But please just stop saying you have to for financial reasons. If you wanted to stay home you would stop spending so much money on meals out and stupid crap like a dress.

And that $1.00 doesn't include stuff like putting money away for retirement or having some breathing room for when the water heater breaks.

My salary is obviously, much more than $1.00. So I work, we can pay all our expenses, and we have money left over for stupid crap like dinners out (which are important to us, to my husband's website, and really, you've left comments complaining about that before, maybe it's time to stop reading so you won't be annoyed at other people's warped sense of priorities).

Anyway, I don't know why I'm bothering with this -- except to say that everyone's financial situation is way more complicated than it may seem from the outside, and also that a woman can indeed want to work and keep up a certain lifestyle while AT THE SAME TIME, wish that she could stay home and miss her baby desperately during the day.

It sure would be nice if the decision was as cut-and-dry as you make it out to be. But it's not. So I'm going to keep complaining about it, from whichever angle I feel like. Sorry.

oh god. laura can bite me. bite us all. i don't understand people who go online just to leave crappy comments on other people's sites. seriously, all you have to do is click that little 'x' in the corner of your screen.

it's one thing to have a difference of opinion and be gracious about it instead of acting like you somehow magically know the real life of the person you're going after.

i'm not just replying to that to defend amy like some yes-nodding amalah supporter here. it's just common courtesy of interaction, which some people seem to forget on the internet. it annoys me.