Monday, June 13, 2011

This morning I weighed 228.0, eclipsing my old low of 228.4. The funny thing is that I'm learning that just like food and my attitude toward it don't define me, my weight doesn't either. The next thing that needs to go is my identity as a former fat girl. I sometimes still think of myself that way (often?). It's not that I think it's bad to remember where I've come from; I think that's good/important. It's more that it should not define me -- moving it out of who I think I am at my core.

Now here's the thing -- every other time I've hit a new low in the last year, there is some sort of self sabotage involved (see picture above). It's never conscious and it's always subtle, but it's always been there. Soon after I get to a new low, I get sloppy or gain weight or something. I need to figure out why and not do it now. After all, if weight doesn't define me, why should it dictate my behavior? It shouldn't.

I am cautiously optimistic that this is the week I can break the cycle. I will be praying about this with my higher power. If you are into such things, would you mind praying for me too? I hope to have good news to share soon. Hopefully this is the time where I can break through this maintenance phase I've (unintentionally) been in for the last year.

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About Me

I am a mid-30s girl who loves Jesus, laughing, and people. When I get to combine the three, that's even better. I'm in the midst of a navigating a career transition. In the meantime, I'm learning to better hear and follow the voice of Jesus. I work to be faithful to the opportunities the Lord puts in front of me, and make disciples in that context -- whatever that context is. For now, that means I make disciples of industrial engineering students at the University of Arkansas. It's so great, and I will miss it next year.