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An anniversary is a day of remembrance—when we remember how good we used to look when we first got married.

It’s also inspiration for a couple’s facial. “We can celebrate and exfoliate!” I told my husband Chris, who grudgingly went along with my cosmetic whim for our anniversary.

Together we spent an afternoon at the spa getting creamed, steamed, and massaged. It was wonderful up until check out when our therapist Angela offered us home skin care instruction. To Chris she advised, “Just keep up with basic cleansing and moisturizing—your skin looks great.” To me she delivered a two-hour sermon on skin revitalization and handed me a basket loaded with enough wrinkle cream to moisturize a Komodo dragon.

“It’s not fair,” I complained to Chris on the drive home. “Why am I the only one who needs to use all this stuff?”

“If it makes you feel better I’ll use it too,” he said, picking up a tube of concealer from my basket and reading the label.

“But Angela said you don’t need it.”

“Still, it could be helpful… it says right here on the label, also repairs drywall.”

“This is no joking matter,” I said, holding back my tears for fear that the salt water might induce further skin damage.

“Why don’t you talk to a friend?” he suggested.

I took his advice and visited my friend Sue. She had a Pug named Prince whose huge folds of skin drooped down his forehead and made his face look like a hairy accordion. “At least Prince’s wrinkles are worse than mine,” I told Sue. “Maybe I’ll just hang out with him.”

“There is a real solution besides trying all those face creams, you know. You could do facial exercises like I do.”

“You exercise your face?”

“Sure, you can exercise any part of your body that has muscles. As you strengthen the muscle your skin becomes more elasticized. For example, you can firm your lips by sucking on your finger as hard as possible and slowly removing it.”

“I haven’t done that since my honeymoon,” I said.

She ignored me. “There’s also exercises to firm your chin. Just tilt your head back and kiss the air like a fish,” she said. With puckered lips she blew a series of invisible smoke rings. “It works. Start with five repetitions a day and work up from there.”

58 Responses to “My Husband Gave Me a Complex For Our Anniversary”

That’s what I’m talking about! You are BACK!!! Loved it. Screamed out loud. So funny, Sharpei! Wasn’t she in High School Musical movie? She looked great AND youthful! I don’t think blonde would work on you though. Really, funny. Thanks for the big laugh this morning!

Delightful story. Not that you feel like you might look like a pug, but that you had an interesting anniversary. I’m going to start doing face exercises today– just in case they work. And besides, who doesn’t need more to do?

Ah, yes, facial exercises. One more high-maintenance thing we should do. On the other hand, I’ve heard the moves can actually increase wrinkles, because while they may be tightening the muscles underneath, they’re wrinkling up the skin on top. Regardless, I know I won’t be doing them anytime soon. Just too dang lazy…

I think they give us ladies all that stuff cause we are more likely to use it versus men. I had to laugh at “says right here on the label, also repairs drywall”… You guys are funny 😀
Happy Anniversary!

My mother learned another exercise for the face to prevent the sags that give you the jowls and turkey-neck. Say the sound of the vowels, enounce them to the max. Like you, doing them is going to make me look silly. However, if it’s part of your routine in the bathroom every morning in front of the mirror, whose going to see you?

Your husband is a doll to want to try to make you feel better. Give him oodles of kisses..

Nonsense: you look beautiful!
Estheticians make money only when they sell products. And they sell products only when women buy them. And women buy them only when they feel insecure and aging. And they feel that way when estheticians tell them.

This is REALLY funny! And there really are exercises for facial muscles and books out about that very thing. But, I think your anniversary gift was lovely and wasn’t he a gem to offer to use all those creams too? I REALLY did enjoy your post…… 🙂 LOL!

Sucking hard on your finger? You poor husband! 😉 I’d also think it’d cause a lot of wrinkles around your mouth, like the heavy smokers.
The only facial exercises I do are laughing with my kids, and then yelling at them. 😉

Hi! I also nominated you for a blogger award, see your mention here, http://doesthishappentoyou.wordpress.com/. You’re requested to answer a few questions I posed, tell us 7-11 things about yourself and then nominate 7-11 other bloggers. Its a bit of work, but can be fun.