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Sunday, October 19, 2008

Return to Sender, Again

MESSAGE LEFT ON CHRISTIE FAMILY ANSWERING MACHINE:

Dis is President Vladimir Putin,

Vat kind of present is dis beast you send? She et all my goose n' apples off mine plate before Senior Advisor tied bib on my neck. She not get along vitda tiger. Tiger gave her love hug to show who is boss of cage, and Hell Hound run for her life. She chew gate right off its hinges, and run wit it out of da mansion into streets of Moscow. Dare she turn over meat carts in da open market and stick tongue out at policeman named Vlachko. Then she swiped his machine gun. Dis beast chew da gun, and it go off! Several booms cause mass confusion. Beast shoot holes in flag of Russia, and billboard picture of Maria Sharapova. Dog was taken in because of cuteness by Russian Mafia college students, who hide her on university campus. Dare she speak publicly about her muder, Alpha Dog the American Human, to groups of Russian female students. She cause uprising of women who do not vant to end up as secretaries after they get Ph. D. Take dis smelly hound back, NOW! KGB pack her in box wit bubble tape and she get mailed today. No more gifts from America!

1 comment:

Hell Hound you don't look so tough. If you walked past my house I would bark at you. But if you got in the gate I think we could be friends. I am sorry the Russians did not like you and hope you have a safe trip back. Maybe if you promise to behave the Christies will take you back.

Welcome to my writer's blog, started about six years ago for fun. Over time, the writing I have posted has ranged from personal reflection, to Long Island history research, to tall tales for my own amusement, to feature articles for local newspapers. As you can see from topics listed here, I travel in many mental directions in regard to interests. Click on the tabs and labels to explore my strange mind which senses that you may be having a criss-cross day. If so, perhaps this blog will distract you. However, please note that if you tell me my blog is beautiful just to get me to advertise rhinoplasty surgery and cheap drugs from Canada in your comment, I will ask the gods to give you a tail that cannot be concealed.

Fondly,

Loren Christie

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"Poor Hell Hound was right! May she rest in peace. This Christie cat is as slick as the thieves in the Egyptian tombs. I'm ready for all of his tricks. He has not attained a doctorate degree in anthropology like me, nor does he look handsome in human clothes. Sorry Norman Whiskers, your Lady cannot resist my charms."

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