First you tell your draft board you're hooked on dope.You don't need the army 'cause you've seen Bob Hope.Walk around the floor kinda nice and loose.Tell 'em your fiancee's name is Bruce.

When they ask about your schooling, then you sayThat you studied under Cassius Clay.Then put some lipstick on when you're photographed,And that's what they call dodging the draft!

Then you show the captain a note from mom,Stand there while he reads it and suck your thumb.When he takes your family history, state with pride,"Benedict Arnold was on my father's side."

He'll hand you an IQ test, just look at it with gloom,Then fold it like an airplane and sail it 'cross the room.If they believe you don't kow your fore from your aft,That's what I call...shirking your military responsibiity.

Clump around the floor like your feet are flat.When they ask about your hearing, just say, "How's that?"If the sergeant wants a cigarette, treat him right,Set fire to your draft card, and offer him a light.

When you see the eyechart, dont worry at all.Say, "I'll be glad to read it, just point me to the wall."And if the draftboard acts in it's usual way,You'll be what I call 1-A

First you tell your draft board you're hooked on dope.You don't need the army 'cause you've seen Bob Hope.Walk around the floor kinda nice and loose.Tell 'em your fiancee's name is Bruce.

When they ask about your schooling, then you sayThat you studied under Cassius Clay.Then put some lipstick on when you're photographed,And that's what they call dodging the draft!

Then you show the captain a note from mom,Stand there while he reads it and suck your thumb.When he takes your family history, state with pride,"Benedict Arnold was on my father's side."

He'll hand you an IQ test, just look at it with gloom,Then fold it like an airplane and sail it 'cross the room.If they believe you don't kow your fore from your aft,That's what I call...shirking your military responsibiity.

Clump around the floor like your feet are flat.When they ask about your hearing, just say, "How's that?"If the sergeant wants a cigarette, treat him right,Set fire to your draft card, and offer him a light.

When you see the eyechart, dont worry at all.Say, "I'll be glad to read it, just point me to the wall."And if the draftboard acts in it's usual way,You'll be what I call 1-A

There is so much more of you,More to adore you,'Cause you're not slender.In your white dress you're a doll,Big as the Taj Mahal,In all its splendor.When you're in gepartment stores,Don't use the revolving doors,You might get stuck, Dear.When you use the telephone,Go in the booth alone,And lots of luck, Dear.

You had for breakfast: two pounds bacon,Three dozen eggs, one coffee cake andThen you had something really awful,Four kippered herrings on a waffle.Nine English muffins, one baked apple,Boston cream pie, Philadelphia scrapple.Seventeen bowls of Crispy Crunch.Then you said, "What's for lunch?"

Sweetheart, you are giant size.You are Lane Bryant size,My darling Myrtle.Last Thanksgiving I was thrilled.You ate so much, you killedYour living girdle.Have another dozen shrimp,My lovely little blimp.Don't count a calorie.I just received a stub.I owe the Diner's ClubA whole years salary.

Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, daily, nightly.Eat, though your chair is bending slightly.Love of my life, I'm glad I found you.Each day I take a walk around you.I can't forget when we got married.Over the threshold I got carried.No other bride would be so sweet.Eat, Mrs. Goldfarb, Eat!

Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh,Here I am at Camp GrenadaCamp is very entertainingand they say that we'll have fun if it stops raining.

I went hiking with Joe SpivyHe developed poison ivyYou remember Leonard SkinnerHe got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.

All the counselors hate the waitersAnd the lake has alligatorsAnd the head coach wants no sissiesSo he reads to us from something called Ulysses.

Now I don't want this should scare yaBut my bunkmate has malariaYou remember Jeffrey HardyThey're about to organize a searching party.

Take me home, oh muddah fadduh, take me home, I hate GrenadaDon't leave me out in the forest where I might get eaten by a bear.Take me home, I promise I will not make noise or mess the house withother boys, oh please don't make me stay, I've been here one whole day.

Tommy's got a bloody nose,Gotta fix the garden hose.Book Of The Month Club came today.

Didn't read the last one yet.Yes you did, but you forget.Oh well, they're all the same today.

Here's Mrs. Ritter,She's the baby sitter.Tonight we're going joyously

Back to the city,Where life is gay and witty,Back to the noise there,That everyone enjoys there.Back to the crush there,Hurry let us rush there,Back to the rat race,Don't forget your briefcase,Back to the groove there,Say why don't we move there.Away from all of thisSweet simplicity.

S: On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to meA Japanese transistor radioC: On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: Green polka dot pajamasC: And a Japanese transistor radioS: It's a NakashumaC: On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A calendar book with the name of my insurance manC: Green polka dot pajamas and a Japanese transistor radioS: It's the Mark 4 model - that's the one that's discontinuedC: On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A simulated alligator walletC: A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,green polka dot pajamas and a Japanese transistor radioS: And it comes with a leatherette case with holes in itso you can listen right through the caseC: On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to beC: A simulated alligator wallet, a calendar book with the nameof my insurance man, green polka dot pajamas and aJapanese transistor radioS: And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you can stickin your ear and a thing on the other end you can't stickanywhere because it's bentC: On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A hammered aluminum nutcracker, and all that other stuffC: And a Japanese transistor radioOn the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A pink satin pillow that said "San Diego" with fringe all around itAnd all that other stuffC: And a Japanese transistor radioOn the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: An indoor plastic birdbathC: All that other stuffS: And a Japanese transistor radioC: On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A pair of teakwood showerclogs,C: And a Japanese transistor radioOn the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to meS: A chromium combination manicure, scissors and cigarette lighterC: And a Japanese transistor radioOn the eleventh day of christmas my true love gave to meS: An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on televisionBut not when you get it homeC: And a Japanese transistor radioS: On the twelfth day of Christmas although it may seem strangeOn the twelfth day of Christmas I'm going to exchangeAn automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on televisionBut not when you get it homeC: A chromium combination manicure, scissors and cigarette lighterS: A pair of teakwood showerclogsC: An indoor plastic birdbathS: A pink satin pillow that said "San Diego" with fringe all around itC: A hammered aluminum nutcrackerS: A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to beC: A simulated alligator walletS: A calendar book with the name of my insurance manC: Green polka dot pajamasB: AND A JAPANESE TRANSISTOR RADIOS: MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to meA Japanese transistor radio.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to meGreen polka-dot pajamas,And a Japanese transistor radio.(It's a Nakashuma.)

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to meA calendar book with the name of my insurance man,Green polka-dot pajamas,And a Japanese transistor radio.(It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued.)

On the fourth day Of Christmas, my true love gave to meA simulated alligator wallet,A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,Green polka-dot pajamas,And a Japanese transistor radio.(And it comes in a leatherette case with holes in it, so you can listen right through the case.)

On the fifth fay of Christmas, my true love gave to meA statue of a naked lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,A simulated alligator wallet,A calendar book wiuth the name of my insurance man,Green polka-dot pajamas,And a Japanese transistor radio.(And it has a wire with thing on one end that you can stick right in your ear, and a thing on the other end that you can't stck anywhere, because it's bent)

On the sixth day of Christmas, my treue love gave to meA hammered aluminum nutcracker,And all that other stuff,And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meA pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,And all that other stuff,And a Japanese radio.

On the eight day of Christmas, my true love gave to meAn indoor plastic birdbath,And all that other stuff,And a Japanese transistor radio,

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to meA pair of teakwood shower clogs,And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to meA chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to meAn automatic vegetable slicer that works when to see it on television, but not when you get it home,And a Japanese transistor radio.

On the twelth day of Christmas, although it may seem strange,On the twelth day of Christmas, I'm going to exchange:An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television, but not when you get it home,A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,A pair of teakwood shower clogs,An indoor plastic birdbath,A pink satin pillow that says San Diego, with fringe all around it,A hammered aluminum nutcracker,A statue of naked lady, with a clock where her stomach ought to be,A simulated alligator wallet,A calendar book with the name of my insurance man.Green polka-dot pajaas,And a Japanese transistor radio.

Well, the sit-in started'Bout 7:15The whole thing was coveredby Time Magazine.They even took BatmanOff the TV screenTo show the Rebel!

Out came the captainOf the state police,Arresting lots of studentsFor disturbing the peace,Including his own son,His daughter, and his neice,And the Rebel.

Someone called the governorTo see what he could do.The governor said, "Sorry,But I cannot talk to you.'Cause I'm a-sittin' inAt the state house too,Just like the Rebel!"

Soon the secondary schoolsBegan to rebel.Kindergarten kids were sittingDuring show and tell.Then the older generationStarted sitting down as well.Man, what a protest!

Doctors sat, firemen sat,Teachers wouldn't teach.People sat at homeAnd on the street and on the beachJus a-sittin' and a-waitin'For freedom of speach.Nobody was talkin' to anybody!

The nation was in trouble,There wasn't any doubt.The President went on TVTo try to pull us out.And the President shouted,"What the heck's it all about?!""Heck," said the President!

Soon everyone was saying "heck"They said it everywhere.And the Rebel said to Rhonda,"This is terribly unfair.Being hip is getting middle class,Let's you and I be square."And the did, they squared it up.

Rhonda got a haircut,The Rebel shaved his beard.They were married and had children,Which they subsequently reared.They moved out to the suburbsAnd they really disappeared.Wow, did they conform!

Folks built a statue of the Rebel,Just to prove the people's love.But the public soon forgot it,Just the pigeons up aboveSeem to know the right location.They've all found tht statue ofThe Rebel

There are pills that make you happy.There are pills that make you blue.There are pills to kill our streptococci.There are pills to cure your cockeye too.There are folks whose pills have made them healthy.There are folks whose pills have cure their chills.But the folks whose plls have made them wealthyAre the folks who make all the pills.

(There are) Dexerine and Miltown, to pick you up and let you down.(happy) Or if you're sufferin', swallow a Bufferin.(pills) Vitamin C's a pill for folks who shiver.(sad) And there's a pill for Carter's little liver.(pills) And if you're sleepng in the hospital, because you're ill,(pills) Betcha the nurse will wake you up to take a sleeping pill.

There are pills for young folks and for old folks,Each disease has got its remedy.But no pill can cure the common cold, folks,So if you sneeze, please don't sneeze on me.Achoo!Gesundheit.