When I asked my
friend what was a good wine to have when you are having
a turkey for Thanksgiving, she hit me over the head with
a lamp.

SPECIAL TURKEY

At Thanksgiving my mom
went to my sister's house for the traditional
feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom
decided to play a trick. She told my sister that
she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out
of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a
Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey,
and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the
bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled
the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to
remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit
something, she reached in and pulled out the
little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my
mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a
pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my
sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her
that turkeys lay eggs!

ACCIDENT

A married couple was in a terrible accident
where the woman's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't
graft any skin from her body because she was
too skinny. So the husband offered to donate
some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the
doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed
that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor
also honor their secret. After all, this was a
very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's new beauty. She
looked more beautiful than she ever had
before. All her friends and relatives just
went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and
she was overcome with emotion at his
sacrifice. She said,
"Dear, I just want to thank you for everything
you did for me. There is no way I could ever
repay you." "My darling,"
he replied, "I get
all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."

RECIPE

SCALDED DOG

He was scalded in the night
in the dark of the moon
When across the four lane he trailed the coon
Squashed on the pavement by a semi truck
A pure bred redbone only a pup
No West Virginian could eat his own hound
They just hold a little service and put him in the
ground
The truck driver said he couldn't see for the fog
And he was doggone sorry for squashin my dog
So we called off the hunt and shed a few tears
And went back to the pickup and finished our beers
It hurts a feller deep clean to his socks
To have to go home with an empty dog box

From
Gourmet style Road Kill Cooking
by Jeff Eberbaugh

POLITICALLY CORRECT

Misguided
Criminals for Terrorists.

Thought Shower or Word Shower substituting
for brainstorm so as not to offend those with brain
disorders such as epilepsy.

Deferred Success as a euphemism for the
word fail. The Professional Association of Teachers
in the UK considered a proposal to replace any
notion of failure with deferred success in order to
bolster students self-esteem.