Monday, September 29, 2008

As my faithful readers, friends, family, and colleagues know, I lost the tissue expander on the right, radiated side about six or seven weeks ago. It was somewhat traumatic, but I got through it. Now, however, I am completely flat on the right side and "flat" may be a optimistic at best - sunken in is more like it.

I'm still getting used to it and I feel it's pretty noticeable. After all, before that, I had at least the semblance of breasts. There was a small mound on the right side with the tissue expander and an even bigger mound on the left side (between an A and a B cup there). However, being "boobless", I've found myself buying blousy, loose shirts these past few weeks to disguise the flatness. (Granted, it was partly an excuse to buy new clothes!) Finding these styles of shirts is hard, you know, because a lot of the styles now are tight, form-fitting, low-cut, tailored kinds of shirts. Luckily, the stores are selling peasant-style blouses, too.

This morning, though, I decided (after putting on another new shirt that wasn't as loose as I thought) that I was spending too much mental energy (not to mention money) into disguising the flatness. Everyone I know and care about knows that I am flat. I decided that I needed not to care what strangers think anymore. (Which goes to show you just how fixated our society is on image - I was buying into the whole thing, but that's a post for another time.) Soooo . . . I'm going to stop worrying about it.

I do plan to have reconstruction at some time in the future. . . I just want to feel and look normal in my clothes. But until then? Who cares what people think, right?