Being Brutally Honest With Yourself

The other day I woke up, and the first thing I did was weigh myself. I do this every couple of days because I’ve been struggling to take off that “last five” for the “last year.”

The numbers had not moved, which is now making me slightly nervous because I’m doing a Diet Bet this month, and I have four days to lose three pounds, or I’m out $100.

Maybe you think I’m being hard on myself, and that’s OK, but the reason I’m not OK with these five pounds is that some non-stretchy clothes have become super tight and/or I literally can’t fit into a few items I have, which I really want to wear! Getting rid of them or buying new stuff is NOT and option or OK with me. So there!

Back to the scale. I did what any reasonable human being would do and literally stomped on the scale out of frustration. “I don’t freaking understand,” I thought to myself. “I’m doing everything I can to lose this weight!!!!!”

“Oh reeeeeeeally?” My inner voice said. “Everything?”

“Yes,” I answered sheepishly.

“Really and truly everything?” She asked again.

“OK fine! I have had just a small piece of chocolate every day. And maybe a big heaping of pesto on my chicken salad the other night. And a mountain of avocado on my sandwich…like, every day. Oh, and a boat-load of hummus off and on about every five minutes, because I truly have a hummus “problem.” And of course a couple salty snacks on Monday.” Dammit!

I love my sweet friends who tell me, “it’s probably muscle” that you’re gaining. I appreciate the compassion, but if I had to be brutally honest with myself, it’s because I’m eating too much…or the wrong stuff occasionally.

“But Tonya, it’s OK to have treats every once in awhile,” you’re probably saying.

I couldn’t agree more, but if I want to accomplish what I want to accomplish for my age and my body type, I can’t be doing that kind of stuff. Period! If I do, I can’t complain about it.

It may be unfair that I was handed down my ancestor’s hefty Hungarian genes, but these are the carbs cards I was dealt.

And you b*tches best believe I’m going to relate this to money!

Let’s just say that instead of “the last five (pounds)” I want to lose, that I want to pay off the “last $5,000 in debt” (although this is totally hypothetical). All of a sudden an invitation pops up in my text: “We are celebrating Julie’s birthday at (insert expensive restaurant) Saturday night. Hope you can make it!”

I start to have an internal debate. I really like Julie and the rest of the crew celebrating, but dammit, I made a vow that I would do “everything it takes” to pay that $5,000 off as quickly as possible.

I start going through the buts: But it would be so much fun! But my friends would be mad at me for not going! But Julie is a close friend! But I may not ever get invited if I say “no” this time. But I will be depressed staying home on Saturday night…but…but…but…

The next thing I know I’m at Julie’s birthday dinner, splitting a $250 check with five people (because damn straight I’m ordering wine because I’m all depressed about my debt and stuff), feeling 20% happy, and 80% guilty for spending that money and not having enough willpower.

Cut to one month later when I’m opening the bill from Chase and I see that not only has it increased, but all I can afford to pay that month is the minimum amount. I think to myself, “I don’t understand! I’m trying everything I can to pay down my debt!”

How often have you found yourself in a similar situation with anything you are trying to accomplish in life?

Even for those of us who “accept full responsibility” for our lives might struggle with being 100% brutally honest about what we really might be doing to sabotage ourselves.

Cait recently wrote about how she’s still struggles with the urge to self-medicate with food, shopping or drinking when she is going through a rough time. I wrote to her and said I could relate, because at the very least I’ve developed an awareness of triggers that lead me to not being disciplined: boredom, stress, and yes even celebrating something good.

I think I eat not-so-great or too much stuff because I can’t, at that moment, think of another way to release what I’m feeling and/or some kind of action to take place of that urge to grab chocolate. For instance I need to train myself that whenever I get that urge, that the action is to go outside and walk the parking garage stairs. I need to re-wire my brain so that that better pattern becomes a permanent habit.

And by the way, eating chocolate, snacks, hummus, pesto, etc., are not inherently bad things, and neither is splitting the check for your bestie’s birthday dinner. It’s only “bad” when it’s getting in the way of what YOU want to accomplish.

So that’s my confession! I’ll keep plugging away until I find the result I’m looking for.

Been there. Last year I was gaining weight pretty steadily but just kept telling myself that it was because I was over 40 and that metabolism slows and whatever other excuses I could come up with. Finally said BS, cut out all snacking at work, changed over most other snacking I do to healthy options (nuts, fruits, etc.) and started putting ice cream in a smaller bowl (yeah, not giving up ice cream completely *lol*) and I’m down 7 pounds since the start of the year. Good luck on your short and long term goals!

Right now, my fitness goals are something I need to get real about. I’m training for a new marathon, but I’m still struggling to lose my “winter blanket.” AKA, too much wine, cheese, hummus, and chocolate..haha!

ha ha! That damn winter blanket! It’s so much easier to hide behind some heavy clothes!

Mr. Groovy

“It may be unfair that I was handed down my ancestor’s hefty Hungarian genes, but these are the cards I was dealt.”

“An you b*tches best believe I’m going to relate this to money!”

Tonya, you never fail to bring a smile to my face. I love this ringing defense of being brutally honest with yourself. Heck, if you’re not going to do it, who will? Two years ago I lost 30 lbs. This past year, I put 10 lbs back on. I’m still in a good place, but I’ve definitely revisited some bad habits. I use to reserve my sugar fix to one day a week (Saturday). But gradually, a piece of candy on Tuesday and a spoon full of peanut butter on Friday has made a mockery of this vow. And it’s time to be hard on myself. No more cheating. Thanks for the laughs and the reminder to embrace brutal honesty. You made my day, Tonya.

Oh man your copy and past made me see I had a typo! Ugh! 🙂 But I’m glad I could make you smile! Peanut butter is a huge weakness of mine too. We have that at work too but somehow I’ve managed to keep that under control. Is there anything better than a spoonful of peanut butter? OK I’ll stop now…

Miss Mazuma

Well, a little tough love for yourself is sometimes what you need. And if you aren’t willing to give it to yourself then you should at least have one friend that you can turn to…you know, the friend that tells you when your clothes don’t match or you have food in your teeth. I have found that I am often to hard on myself (and everyone around me!) and am working on being honest but taking the “brutal” part out of it. Haha – so hard!!

I think sometimes we’ve actually become a little too soft. And not talking about my middle. heh heh. I think our tough times really aren’t that tough, so when things DO get tough we don’t know how to handle it and turn to vices.

Mustard Seed Money

I know that I am not nearly as mentally tough as I need to be. I come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid unpleasant things in my life. I know that I need to suck it up and push through because the results will totally be worth it.

Oh my gosh, I can SO identify!! Especially about the self-medicating with food. If I stay off the sugar for a few days it’s all good, but for me one little bit always seems to lead to a million little bits!!! And heading on fifty now, the metabolism just ain’t as fast as it used to be. I don’t have as much as a problem with this in regards to debt payoff and spending, but if I’m brutally honest 🙂 it still happens on occasion.

Oh yes the metabolism isn’t running on all four cylinders anymore! I can eat half of what my younger counterparts might be eating but it may not be enough to take off or sustain weight. It can be done, but requires spot on discipline.

DebtDiscipline

I right there with you with the weight, slowly putting some pounds back on. I’m eating better, making healthy choices, but often over eat. Need to rein in the portion size. 🙁

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