Not going anywhere for a while?BBC | Submitted by: Jacks Smirking Revenge, Burgermeister MeisterburgerBBC: "Firefighters used cutting equipment to help free a girl whose leg had become impaled on the brake lever of her bicycle in North Somerset on Saturday." Saginaw News: "A woman who spent hours in the company of the dead early today nearly joined them when a failed fence-hop at a Saginaw Township graveyard left her impaled on an iron spike, police said."

City wants back rent from Kelo residentsWorld Net Daily | Submitted by: jtrotter
"In the adding insult to injury category, the city officials that triumphed over a group of Connecticut homeowners in a landmark Supreme Court property-rights case are expecting those residents to pay the local government rent dating back to the year 2000. The June 23 Supreme Court ruling in Kelo v. City of New London gave the town the approval to seize the residents' homes and transfer them to a private party for development of an office complex."

Fuckin' AWEWS-TV 5 Cleveland | Submitted by: Doczzz
"Two employees at a Florida university with access to computer databanks have been charged with accepting cash -- and one with accepting sex -- in exchange for changing the grades of dozens of students, authorities said." ... "The former students received payments ranging from $75 to $600 to change more than 650 grades for 122 students over three years, ending in 2002, authorities alleged in court records. Franklin also allegedly received sex from female students after changing their grades, and both men were accused of changing their own grades."

Go to the backyardSan Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Casu Marzu
"Even veteran police officers were stunned when they responded to a Thursday afternoon call at a San Mateo home to find a financially strapped man had stacked the bodies of his wife and two teen-age daughters in an outdoor freezer chest before killing himself with a shotgun." ... "Officers found a note taped to the front door simply stating: Go to the backyard. There, they found the manís body on the ground feet from the freezer chest."

Bystander uses cell phone to film dying teenagerDaily Record | Submitted by: Travis Bickle
"A sick bystander used his mobile phone to film a teenager as he lay dying in the street, the boy's devastated mum said. Triston Christmas, 18, died after he was punched twice in the head by a pal with a grudge. His mum Siobhan, of Ilford, Essex, has seen the video, which she called sick and twisted."

Marine says Saddam's spider-hole was a fairy talewokr13.tv | Submitted by: Space Jew
"A former U.S. Marine who participated in capturing ousted Iraqi President Saddam Hussein said the public version of his capture was fabricated." ... Quote: "I was among the 20-man unit, including eight of Arab descent, who searched for Saddam for three days in the area of Dour near Tikrit, and we found him in a modest home in a small village and not in a hole as announced." [Update: We got punk'd, this is a very old story. Vootie!]

Kneel to the Flying Spaghetti MonsterBoing Boing | Submitted by: Gay Batman
"We are willing to pay any individual *$250,000 if they can produce empirical evidence which proves that Jesus is not the son of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."*Prize to be awarded with Intelligently Designed currency; void where prohibited by logic.