Monday, April 27, 2009

A different birthday celebration

Each year, I get a recorded phone message on April 27. It's Geoffrey the giraffe (from Toys 'R Us) singing happy birthday to Miranda. The first year after she died, I thought it was just plain mean. Now, I don't get angry. I actually listen to it and hang up the phone quietly. And that's when Miranda's birthday begins.

It's always a sad day for me. I try not to do too much. I try to think a lot and look back at pictures and read about Miranda. It's the one day of the year that indulge myself in the memories of Miranda that I try not to let affect my day-to-day life.

Tonight, we'll eat a little dinner as a family, eat some cupcakes that have become a tradition on Miranda's birthday, visit the cemetery, bring her little gifts,talk about her a little more than usual. And we'll be sad. Not because we can't enjoy the good memories of her, but it's just impossible not to think and wonder about what she'd be like today. Turning five. Going into kindergarten next year.

And that's it. That's our celebration (or mourning really, if you want to be technical) that I let myself have every year.

I once thought about calling Toys 'R Us and asking them to please stop calling on her birthday. But now I look forward to it, Geoffrey the giraffe hasn't forgotten Miranda the way most of the world has. I guess I'll just let that be for now.