Yes, There is a new UCTF Card being published in the year 2015. HAPPY BIRTHDAY UCTF! The Final Card is here! Championships are decided! Legends are made! Everyone Dies! Just kidding, kinda. Please enjoy!

*”Aegukga,” the South Korean National Anthem is already blaring through the massive UCTF Complex as the cameras begin rolling. Of course, disrespectful chorus of boos accompanies the music, as UCTF “Benefactor” Sasa Dark makes his way down the aisle alongside his personal body guard, Reiji. Dark stops at the top of the ramp, taking a few moments to soak in the vitriol spewing out towards him.*

Sasa: awww, listen to that Reiji. I can’t get enough of it.
Reiji: …
Sasa: It’s music to my ears, and I don’t think we should share this moment alone.

*Meanwhile, in the commentary booth, Ralph and Bob, wearing their Sunday best, watch the hostilities.*

Bob: Welcome everyone, to the eighth edition of UCTF’s biggest pay per view of the year, Cyberslam!
Ralph: I have a feeling that tonight Bobby, you’re finally going to get to say AMAZ— O_O OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL?!

*Ralph’s words are cut short, as the cameras quickly refocus on the ramp. While they were preparing to shill tonight’s events, Sasa had motioned for someone to join him on stage. That person happens to be someone the UCTF crowd had witness murdered on LIVE TV only several months ago. None other than Yugo Ogami’s former love, Alice! The Bewildered audience has no fucking clue what to make of it, until the presumed dead Zoanthrope wraps her arms around “The Benefactor!” The crowd instantly explodes with jeers!*

Bob: What in God’s name are we witnessing here?!
Ralph: Reiji DID kill her, right? I mean, we saw it with our own eyes, didn’t we?
Bob: Indeed we did Bob. He did it in cold blood!

*As the trio continue their journey to the ring, it doesn’t take long before UCTF Grand Champion KUNOI ISHIGAMI appears behind them, quickly targeting Sasa Dark!*

Bob: ISHIGAMI! ISHIGAMI’S OUT HERE, TAKING IT TO SASA DARK!
Ralph: You remember how Sasa Dark tried to blackmail Kunoi into losing his title? I’d be pissed too!

*Reiji quickly takes advantage of the Grand Champion, nailing Kunoi from behind! Tossing Ishigami into the ring, The Crow begins to violently stomp the champion in the corner!*

Ralph: This wasn’t a good idea on Kunoi’s part! He’s got TWO Grand Championship matches tonight!

*Continuing the assault, Reiji lifts the champion to his feet, before attempting to whip him across the ring. BAD IDEA! Kunoi quickly reverses the momentum, tossing Reiji onto his shoulders in the fireman’s carry position!*

Bob: OH–
Ralph: –SHIT!

*The Grand Champion QUICKLY puts Reiji to sleep with the GTS Knee, before slowly turning his attention back to Sasa Dark, who is no slumped over in the corner! Alice quickly places herself between the stalking Grand Champion and Dark, who now has an evil, shit eating grin on his face!*

Bob: Oh give me a break! She’s protecting HIM?!

*Kunoi doesn’t have time to make a decision, as he is suddenly ENGULFED by the faction of ninjas known as the Hand! That’s right. Those bastards that have been personally hired by Sasa Dark have appeared again, virtually out of thin air, and are now delivering the beating of a LIFETIME to the Grand Champion!*

Ralph: AND NOW THE HAND X_X THESE GUYS AGAIN
Bob: This is ridiculous!! How much more can the Grand Champion take?!

*Sasa quickly rises back to his feet, before calling the troops off. However, the damage is already done. Kunoi is completely destroyed in the center of the ring.*

Sasa: Now guys, let save some pieces of this garbage for X-23. You hear me, Kunoi?! YOU’RE NOT LEAVING THE ARENA TONIGHT AS THE GRAND CHAMPION! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kunoi: I… I’m going to kill you Sasa.

*Sasa delivers a running STOMP to Kunoi’s lower extremities, causing the champion to writhe around in pain!*

Sasa: Get this mound of shit out of my ring!

*Several referees rush to the ring, pulling the decimated champion to safety, and helping him retreat to the back. Elsewhere, in the far reaches of Anime City, a darkened figure watches this all take place in Poad’s Bar. Feeling his battle energy quickly escalating, wise patrons in the bar slowly back scoot their seats away from the boxer…*

Yugo: …

*Back in the arena, Reiji is back to his feet, nursing his jaw, while Sasa pats dust off of his suit.*

Sasa: Now… Before I was so rudely interrupted—

*”Symphony of Destruction” by Metallica begins playing, bringing out none other than “Rock Hard” Ric Austin! For once, the crowd actually cheers this man’s existence! Anything to keep the South Korean asshole’s mouth from being open! Ric storms to the ring, proving himself to be the dumbest motherfucker on planet Earth!*

Bob: Now what is THIS guy thinking?! There’s an entire ninja clan inside the ring!
Ralph: I’m just shocked that this guy actually has a theme song. O_o

Ric: Now wait a minute here. e_e I’M TIRED OF THIS SHIT!

Sasa: …

Ric: THAT’S RIGHT! I’M TIRED OF EVERYTHING THAT’S GOING ON IN THIS FED. I’M TIRED OF NOT HAVING MY RIGHTFUL GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP SHOT!

*Those words remind the crowd just how IDIOTIC this guy is, and they instantly turn on the enhancement talent!*

Ric: I’VE EARNED MY SPOT! EVERY SHOW STARTS OFF WITH ME ENTERTAINING THE CROWD! I’VE BEEN BUSTING MY ASS FOR YEARS! YEARS! SO WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE?! ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A CHAMPIONSHIP SHOT OR WHAT?!

*The crowd goes silent, expecting a beating of epic proportions from Reiji and The Hand. Sasa, slowly bringing the microphone back to his lips responds.*

Sasa: o_o… Sure. On the next Saturday Massacre, you’ll face whoever leaves the building as Grand Champion.

Ric: ….

Everyone: …

Bob and Ralph: …

*Austin’s eyes fill with tears of joy!*

Ric: YES!!! YES I DID IT!

*Ric frantically spins around the ring, pointing his fingers at the fans.*

Ric: I TOLD YOU! I TOLD ALL OF YOU! I’M GOING TO BE THE GRAND CHAMPION OF THE UCTF!! WHOOO!! WHOOO!!!

*Ric slides out of the ring and runs up the ramp, celebrating like he just won the Olympics!*

Bob: Well… It looks like Ric Austin will be fulfilling his dream of main eventing a Saturday Massacre. Next week he will go against either Kunoi Ishigami, X-23, or Inuyasha for the Grand Championship.
Ralph: And we’ll see a man die in the middle of the ring.
Bob: Yes. Yes we will.

Sasa: … FINALLY.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Sasa: Welcome to a very special Cyberslam! Tonight, not only will you see that Japanese son of a bitch Kunoi Ishigami embarrassed in the center of the ring, but starting in just a few moments, after Xamot destroys Crucifix in the opening contest, you will all witness the Sasa Dark Appreciation match! I have selected individuals to the first ever Weaponmaster Championship Invitational!

Ralph: HAH!
Bob: Wow, not even giving Crucifix a chance…
Ralph: Who the hell would? I think Ric Austin has more wins than that guy.

Sasa: And remember, you better impress me in this match. You never know who’s going to be watching. e_e.

*Dark drops the mic, as he and his entourage retreat back to the top of the ramp. His last ominous sentence leaves the crowd silent, and honestly, a little freaked out.*

Everyone: o_o…

Ralph: What the hell does that mean?
Bob: I don’t know. Sometimes I think that guy is on opium. But wow, what an EXPLOSIVE start to our biggest PPV of the year!
Ralph: Right. If you thought Kunoi has had bad nights before, I have a feeling he is going to wish he never defeated Melvic Lillith for the Grand Championship…

*Bob and Ralph are soon interrupted by Fozzy’s “Enemy,” prompting the sword fighter, Crucifix to make his appearance on the main stage of the UCTF Arena.*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is the opening contest for tonight’s Cyberslam VIII event! Introducing first, hailing from Charleston, South Carolina, he is CRUCIFIX!

Ralph: Nothing better than a foregone conclusion match to start off a pay per view!
Bob: Now Now Ralph, stranger things have happened in the UCTF!

*The second Crucifix leaps into the ring, the lights of the UCTF Arena power off, leaving only the moon in the clear night’s sky to illuminate the sold out venue! You know what that means… “Forever Torment” begins to blare through the sound system. Out comes the resident monster of the UCTF…*

Arzie: And his opponent, from the cursed bamboo forests of Japan… He is non-other than XAMMOTTTT!!

Ralph: And the Jobber clean up man is here!
Bob: RALPH!
Ralph: Remember what he did to that guy from the TXA tournament who thought he could hang in the UCTF? That was BRUTAL!
Bob: Crucifix’s record in the UCTF may be less than stellar, but to his credit, he continues to return for competition!
Ralph: That’s called being a masochist.

*The demon who resides in Dre Alexander’s husk stands toe to toe with the cybernetic enhanced ninja in the center of the ring!*

!!DING DING!!

Cyberslam VIII Opening Match
Xamot vs. Crucifix

*And with the sounding of the bell, Cyberslam VIII is officially under way! As the fans let out a large ovation at the start of the action, inside the ring, the two fighters spring into action! Xamot attempts a wild haymaker, which is easily avoided by the ninja! Crucifix makes the big man pay for his mistake, delivering a stiff open palm strike to the sternum that delivers enough force to send Xamot into the ropes!*

Bob: Crucifix lands the first shot!
Ralph: Luck…

*Xamot rebounds, literally DIVING towards his opponent, enraged! Another mistake! The slick ninja warrior easily leaps out of the way, performing a beautiful corkscrew flip that lands perfectly behind the demon of the bamboo forests! Xamot turns right into Crucifix’s eagle claw strike directly to the throat!*

Bob: Crucifix lands another impressive strike! Xamot may be hurt from that one!
Ralph: …

Ralph: Wait, what’s going on here?!
Bob: Crucifix with a NASTY kick to the side of the head! Are we working on seeing an upset tonight?!

*Crucifix’s “Dragon Kick” which would have ended any other normal human being staggers Xamot, but does not put the monitor down! Summoning all of his power, Crucifix sprints towards his opponent, drawing everything has into his attack known as “The Pecking Raven!” focusing on Xamot’s throat, Crucifix drives all of his weight through his thumb and into Xamot’s adam’s apple! It’s enough to send Xamot off his feet! That’s right! The large demon goes airborne, landing completely spread eagled in the center of the ring! The Ninja flies over the demon’s body, perching himself on the top rope!*

Bob: Crucifix has knocked Xamot down, and it doesn’t look like the demon will be getting back up any time soon! Crucifix looks to be going for the final nail in the coffin!

*The ninja comes off the top, throwing all caution to the wind! He lands a picture-perfect, Dick Togo-esque senton splash directly across the heart of Xamot!*

Bob: And he hits it! It’s over!

*The referee barely has time to slide in position to make the count, when Xamot VIOLENTLY kicks out!*

Everyone: O_O

Bob: AND NOT EVEN A ONE!
Ralph: …ha…hahaha… HAHAHAHAHA!

*FLYING from the kick out, Crucifix lands on his ass all the way across the ring! Even though he’s got on a full mask, one would have to assume that he has a great look of shock across his face as he watches Xamot slowly rise to his feet, showing little to no effects! He has literally thrown his entire arsenal of moves at his opponent, to no effect!*

Xamot: …is that all you’ve got?

*And with those ominous words, Xamot goes FULL demon mode in front of the UCTF Arena, who let out a collective gasp of shock!*

Ralph: I KNEW IT! Xamot was just playing with this guy! He was giving him an opportunity to get in some hits!
Bob: This… does not bode well for our friend Crucifix.

*Faced with the “Fight or Flight” response, Crucifix makes the wrong choice! He leaps in the air towards the 100% demon, only to be caught in mid-air like a pop fly! With his hand wrapped firmly around the neck of his opponent, Xamot delivers a SICKENING Demon Slam in the center of the ring that almost causes the entire ring to buckle under the pressure!*

Bob: JESUS!!
Ralph: DEMON SLAM OUT OF MID-AIR! AWESOME!

*Crucifix surprises the crowd by moving after being chokeslammed from at least twenty feet above the ring, and it’s a good thing too, because Xamot is concentrating his dark energy into his finishing move, the “Touch of Death!”*

Bob: Oh no! XAMOT IS LOOKING TO END THIS IN BRUTAL FASHION!

*Crucifix throws his body out of the way of the life-ender at the LAST possible second! Xamot’s demon powered fist strikes the ring, causing the canvas to implode on itself!*

Ralph: And there goes another ring…

*Looking above him, Xamot sees Crucifix who is sailing through the air. The ninja has used the last of his strength to avoid certain death, but unfortunately for him, this leaves him as a sitting duck above the ring. You can almost see a smirk form across the face of the sadistic demon, as he clasps his hands together! Once more, he draws his dark energy together as he borrows his host’s most famous move…*

Ralph: Here it comes!
Bob: With nowhere to run, Crucifix is about to meet the—

Xamot: MEGALADON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The ninja is engulfed by a massive blast of ki, shaped in the form of a long extinct species! The blast not only connects, but the cybernetically enhanced ninja is carried out of the arena! That’s right, in team rocket style, is soon nothing more than a blip over the horizon of the UCTF Arena, leaving Xamot the lone competitor inside of the now destroyed ring. With a large sigh of breath, Xamot reverts back to his normal form victorious. Pulling himself out of the rubble, the referee can only do one thing.*

Ref: r..ring the bell. X_x

!!DING DING DING!!

Bob: And with two moves, Xamot dispatches Crucifix in the opening contest of UCTF: Cyberslam VIII!
Ralph: At least he made things interesting. Wasn’t expecting the match to go past ten seconds.

Winner: Xamot

*The cameras switch to an undisclosed location, focused squarely on the abnormally large bust. As the scene slowly zooms out, the crowd sees that the pair of amazing breasts belong to none other than the ninja-girl, Taki, who is slowly polishing her twin katanas!*

Bob: Good lord, who was responsible for that?! Happosai?!
Ralph: I’m … I’m not complaining about it.
Bob: Anyway, we have a surprise guest commentator for this match. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for former UCTF competitor, Musashi Kaisa!
Musashi: Hey guys! Thanks for having me!
Ralph: Thankfully nobody really remembers this guy for being Ryu Kaisa’s brother, but for eating Devilman right in the center of the ring!
Musashi: Yeah, probably my most famous moment, even though that guy gave me indigestion for weeks after that.

*Back to the action, we see former multiple champion, Bryan Amethyst along-side his “Boyfriend’s Club” compatriot, Raven Darc, who is sipping on an Orange Julius!*

Raven: I can’t believe they let us have a large multi-fighter match here of all places. Who the hell’s idea was that?
Bryan: Wait… a match? I thought we were just here hanging out….

!!WOOF WOOF WOOF!!

*Raven and Bryan turn around to see none other than the demon hunting dog, Clemente, making a B-LINE for the Half-Demon! Before they can react, Marcella Grace comes shattering through the window of a Victoria’s Secret store, firing her weapons at both Bryan and Raven! If getting sandwiched by the two weren’t enough, Taki descends from the heavens with blades drawn!*

Musashi: Wait a minute. Are they going to do this fight in a SHOPPING MALL?!
Bob: THAT’S RIGHT MUSASHI! Sasa Dark wanted big, he’s going to get it!
Ralph: This… is going to be good.

*The duo have been ambushed, and it’s only about to get worse! Maria De La Sombra and her lover, Gideon appear from thin air, thanks to Maria’s shadow teleport! The female fires her weapon, while Gideon sends a “hello” to the boyfriends club with a lightning bolt flavored ki blast that connects with the second floor of the mall. Bryan and Raven leap from the now falling structure toward their attackers! Raven draws his Silver Talon, while Bryan summons the Himizu Kazetsuchi!*

Raven: HAAAA!
Bryan: HAAAA!!!.

!!THOOOM!!

*Raven and Bryan’s respective swords unleash a combination of Dark electrical energy and a wall of water towards Maria and Gideon! Gideon’s own electrical energy is easily defeated, sending the heavenly warrior reeling in defeat! Out instinct, Maria teleports to the first floor of the mall, un-aware that she has just made a major mistake.*

Eblis: Care if I join in?

*Eblis Nickleheart Drakar enters the party, taking down Maria De La Sombra with the “Rising Darkness Slash.” As Maria falls unconscious before his feet, Eblis grins while staring at his Sword of Corruption, which had just claimed another victim.*

Eblis: Who’s next? Will it be you?

*Drakar spins around, catching none other than Ed The Janitor in the act! The poor custodian was just about to attack his opponent from behind with his broomstick, but now he is scared frozen in his tracks!*

Ed: n..n..no, just sweeping up here!

*The Janitor quickly back peddles to get away from Drakar, only to run into another opponent!*

Blu: I’m truly sorry about this.

*Blu De’Ragnarok!*

Blu: But I’m going to have to put you down now.

*Ed quickly attempts to attack the blue mage, but of course, his efforts are in vain! Blu moves swipes his blade almost too fast for the human eye to see, leaving Ed’s broom stick chopped up like a cucumber! As his only weapon falls to pieces in front of him, Ed does what any other normal human being in his situation would do. He evacuates his bowels and faints right there on the spot!*

Crowd: Ugh x_x

Ralph: There goes the janitor!
Musashi: that was really embarrassing.
Bob: Indeed.

*Blu walks into the open court area of the mall, where Eblis Drakar, Marcella Grace, Taki, Bryan Amethyst and Raven Darc all stand. The stage has been set!*

Ralph: Looks like a good ol’ Mexican stand-off!
Musashi: Right, but aren’t we missing someone here?
Bob: We are! The Champion himself, Inuyasha isn’t here!
Ralph: Think he’s hiding?
Bob: HIM?! Are you crazy? If he was here, the entire mall would have been destroyed already. Something must be wrong.
Musashi: That’s a shame. I really wanted to see how he’d handle this many opponents. Seeing this caliber of action really makes me wish there was a swordmaster championship back in the early days of the UCTF.

*As the tension grows, Raven whispers inaudible words into Bryan’s ear, but one can only assume the Boyfriends Club members are coming up with a strategy. Blu De’Ragnarok softly speaks to himself, casting the “Quick Dodge” spell upon himself. Marcella quickly reloads her weapons, while Taki prepares her katanas.*

*Blu easily avoids the attack from Eblis, and throws a blast of fire energy towards Amethyst, who fires back with a fire bolt of his own! Raven leaps over his partner, sending a column of dark energy towards the blue mage! Blu, still working with his active Quick Dodge Spell, evades both attacks while charging forward!*

Blu: I don’t think so!

*The Blood-thirsty Eblis leaps to the second floor, no targeting Marcella Grace with his sword of corruption! The nun shows no fear, charging towards the villain with a barrage of bullets!*

Blu: Heh, You’re better than I would have expected.
Bryan: …Why do you say that?
Blu: I saw you slip and fall on a cold beverage once.
Bryan: …!!!

*BAD idea by Blu! Amethyst breaks past Blu’s defenses, NAILING the Blue Mage with a deep elbow to the sternum, followed by a sweet spin kick that knocks the Mage off of his feet! Raven catches De’Ragnarok mid-flight and executes the Endless Waltz!*

Bob: De’Ragnarok down!
Ralph: The two boyfriends are working together! Good idea!
Musashi: uhh.. I think they’re called the “Boyfriends Club”
Ralph: I know what I said, Musashi. e_e

Raven: Let’s deal with all of these losers, then may the best man win.
Bryan: Of course.

*They turn their attention toward Taki, charging the ninja, who has no intentions of backing down herself! Armed with two blades, the Kunoichi battles the two warriors, managing to keep both at bay!*

Eblis: STAND STILL! HAHH!!

*Marcella has her hands full with Eblis, who destroys more and more of the mall with every swing of his claymore! Her superior speed is the ONLY reason why she’s still in on piece!*

Marcella: Not a chance!

*Eblis frustration grows with each time she avoids his attack. In a rage, he drives the claymore into the floor below them, causing the section of the second floor to give way! Marcella falls from the destruction, leaving herself open for Eblis’ finishing blow!*

Eblis: GOT YOU!

*Right as Drakar can finish Marcella off, Clemente appears OUT OF NO WHERE, sinking his silver teeth into Drakar’s shoulder!*

Ralph: Saved by Dog again!

*The momentary reprieve allows Marcella to recover! She literally runs up Eblis’ chest, finishing him off with a kick to the back of the head! Eblis falls into the rubble and is pelted by ammunition! This doesn’t help the floor’s condition, as it collapses from the damage. Eblis falls to the floor below, while Marcella manages to hang onto the ledge of the destroyed section.*

!!THOOM!!

Eblis along with the floor crash land near the three way brawl below! Taki retreats into the billowing smoke that was once most of the second floor, sending several shirukens to annoy Bryan and Raven!*

Bryan: GET DOWN!

*Raven dives out of the way of the ninja stars, allowing Bryan to use his enchanted blade, now imbued with the power of wind, to literally blow the sharp metal objects away. Bryan grins as Taki’s weapons become nothing more than inanimate objects. Yes, Alchemy is fuckin’ badass. Unfortunately for Bryan, so is the Blue Mages abilities!*

!!FLOOOM!!

*He’s blindsided by Blu’s flame strike attack, sending the Alchemist into the Champ’s sporting goods! With Bryan knocked away, it is now Raven’s turn to feel a bit of Karma! Blu and Taki form a momentary team, both rushing the former Intergalactic Champion with a barrage of slashes! De’Ragnarok slashes Raven with a Z-formation like attack, knocking him away, then Taki, leaping off the shoulders of the Blue Mage, delivers a stiff kick to the crown of Raven’s skull, sending Darc into the floor. HARD!*

Musashi: What a kick!
Bob: Indeed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Raven had a concussion after that.
Ralph: Yeah. And to think Taki almost got ran over by THE BUS once.
Bob: Do you have to bring up that psychopath?!?

!!POP POP POP!!

*Marcella Grace flies down from the second floor! With her tactical advantage, she fires on both Blu and Taki from above!*

Ralph: Holy Puppies! She’s still in this!

*Firing until she’s in close range, Marcella unsheathes her rapier!*

Bob: And that quickly, she’s switched her style up! Her training is outstanding!

*The three fighters attack each other with voracity! Paul Heyman would be shedding a tear at the three way dance! But it won’t last for long, as Raven is back to his feet! Bryan Amethyst flies out of the Champs, now wearing head to toe football gear! HE joins into the giant five person sword slashing fest!*

Musashi: this… is a thing of beauty.
Bob: What a sight! Everyone’s attacking each other, but no one can land a hit!
Ralph: It’s parry-fest here at UCTF Cyberslam!

*The spectacular display of swordsmanship is quickly interrupted by a massive blast of dark energy that is powerful enough to knock EVERYONE on their asses!*

Eblis: Looks like you all forgot about someone! HAAAA!!!

*Eblis is back in the fray, attacking EVERYONE with the Sword of Corruption!*

Bob: Eblis showing a ton of heart here! He’s tired of the games!

*Eblis is indeed brave, but his choice to attack five different opponents at once shows questionable intelligence! Marcella monkey flips Drakar, firing a bullet into his chest on the way down! Raven’s chain hilt wraps around Drakar’s leg, as he’s driven into the ground below, Darc sends thousands of volts of electricity through his body! The second he hits the ground, Amethyst unleashes a wall of water that blasts Eblis from the ground floor all the way to the ceiling! De’Ragnarok fires ice magic into the wall of water, freezing it on contact! Raven fires a bolt of electricity, destroying the pillar on contact! Eblis body begins its descent, before falling prey to Taki’s ninja kick!*

!!KATHOOM!!

Crowd: *POPS!*

Bob: What a combination of attacks on Eblis!
Musashi: That was very impressive. I don’t see him getting up from that.
Ralph: He’s got another match later, guys! Maybe two!
Bob: Hey, what better rest is there than a coma?

*Eblis is not the only one out of the game however, because IMMEDIATELY after landing that kick, the wide-open Taki falls victim to Raven Darc’s “Black Lightning Wave!” A 9 foot blast of dark energy engulfs and eliminates her from the equation before she has time to react! *

*The Spark Charge is unleashed from the Silver Talon, a wall of electricity breaks through the ground floor of the now almost destroyed mall and swallows De’Ragnarok whole! Amethyst catches the Blue Mage in mid-air, delivering his Super Art, the “Kirisute Gomen!” Blu meets several flaming, counter-clockwise strikes from Amethyst, and is finished off with a flaming uppercut slash!*

Musashi: Well, there goes my pick, in spectacular fashion!
Bob: Ralph has called it correctly! Raven and Bryan working together has definitely gone well in their favor! Is there anything Marcella Grace can do here?!

*With Blu out of the picture, there is only one more person left for the Boyfriends’ Club to eliminate! Marcella makes a run for it, dodging several elemental attacks from both Raven and Bryan! Miraculously avoiding every blast, Marcella Grace escapes into the food court! Using a smoke bomb, she creates a wall of smoke, allowing her to find a hiding space!*

Ralph: That’s right! Get out of dodge, Marcella!

*The aggressors arrive in the food court seconds later, with no Marcella in sight. However, in such a small space, it’s only a matter of time…*

Raven: Alright. She’s got to be in here some— are… are you getting a sample?

*Sure enough, Bryan is getting a small sampling of Kung Pao chicken from a teenager at the Chinese restaurant inside the food court!*

Bryan: *munch* What? This stuff is awe—

*Marcella appears behind Bryan, flying from the S’barros, she nails the silver haired pretty boy right in the face with a whole pizza! Bryan panics, unleashing a massive blast of ki that Raven now finds himself on the wrong side of!*

Raven: DAMMIT!! ARRGGHHH!!

*Raven fires everything he has from the Silver Talon in order to block the oncoming wave of energy! Marcella dives out of the way as both blasts collide, unleashing a halestorm of energy that knocks both men out of commission!*

Bob: What did we… what did we just see?!

*The smoke clears, with Marcella Grace limping out of the destroyed food court! Raven and Bryan lay motionless! Employees are scattered everywhere. After a few moments of silence, the sounds of footsteps can be heard as Marcella climbs out of the mess. She’s covered in various foods and debris… But she did it. She somehow survived the onslaught!*

Musashi: She did it!!
Ralph: Say it, Bob!
Bob: *ahem* I haven’t said this in a long time but… AMAZING! NEW WEAPONMASTER CHAMPION!!

*Realizing what she’s done, Marcella raises her arms in victory!*

Winners and NEW UCTF Weaponmaster Champion: Marcella Grace

Bob: From Disgraced nun to UCTF Weaponmaster Champion, Marcella has climbed to the top of the mountain in the weapons division!
Ralph: Yeah but… What’s Inuyasha going to say about this?!
Musashi: Hey, he should have showed up to defend his title.
Bob: This is not good, as he has a championship match later tonight as well!
Ralph: Oh God, I hope he’s not about to pull a Scott Hall and no show here tonight.
Bob: Let’s hope not. Musashi, it was great having you back here for commentary!
Musashi: It was great being able to call the action with you guys.

*The crowd pops as the former Sword Fighter leaves the booth.*

Bob: Please, come back any time! Musashi Kaisa, ladies and gentlemen!

*Story of the Year’s “We Don’t Care Anymore” that kicks up over the Sound System, and it is almost completely drowned out by the erupting UCTF Capacity Crowd! Out comes Kunoi’s first, and maybe only challenger to the Grand Championship. The cold-blooded clone slowly stalks her way down the aisle.*

Ralph: Oh boy! Looks like it’s time!
Bob: X-23 defeated her own tag team partner in order to gain this opportunity to FINALLY dethrone Kunoi Ishigami!
Ralph: It’s going to be a hard task. Even with the beating Kunoi got from the hands of that ninja clan and Sasa Dark, putting Kunoi Ishigami away is damn near impossible!

*Ralph is right. This is not the first time Kunoi has had to defend the biggest prize in the game more than once in one night, hell, Ralph himself was one of his opponents on one card! Kinney climbs into the ring, ignoring the chorus of cheers she’s currently receiving from the fans. She is focused on her mission.*

Bob: Look at that focused look on her face! Kunoi Ishigami is the last person on Earth that I want to be right now.
Ralph: Especially after that gang style beating he received earlier.

*Speaking of which, “Water Pow” kicks up! The worse for wear Ishigami storms out onto the stage, vainly attempting to hide any injuries he received from Sasa Dark and his ninja helpers at the top of the pay per view.*

Ralph: Oh man, he looks bad.
Bob: The deck is certainly stacked against him. He looks like he can barely stand!

*Regardless, The Destroyer climbs into the ring, refusing to back down from a fight! The referee relieves Ishigami of the solid platinum belt, maybe for the final time. Kunoi gives it a passing glance as it is passed to the outside of the ring, before fixing his eyes on his opponent.*

Arzie: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the ULTIMATE CROSSOVER TOURNAMENT FIGHITNG LEAGUE’S GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger! Hailing from UTOPIA, she is one half of the UCTF Tag Team Champions, She is XXXXXXXXXXX 23!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The crowd lets out a massive r roar, but the challenger doesn’t even flinch!*

X-23: …

Ralph: She’s scary. =(

Arzie: And her opponent, hailing from Sapporo City in Hokkaido, Japan… He is the longest and current reigning/defending UCTF Grand Champion… He is THE DESTROYER, KUUNOOIIIII ISHIGAMIIIII!!!!

*Kunoi begins to warm up, trying to shake off the cobwebs of his earlier assault. He’s ready for a fight of his life!*

Ref: RING THE BELL!

!!DING DING DING!!

UCTF Grand Championship
X-23 vs. Kunoi Ishigami

*Acting on their instincts, the champion and challenge quickly pounce each other in the center of the ring without a moment of hesitation!*

Bob: And both fighters quickly attack each other! The biggest prize in the business is on the line, and neither one of these competitors are willing to give up an inch to each other!

*X-23 quickly takes advantage of her speed advantage, landing several open palm strikes on the already injured Grand Champion!*

*The Destroyer is shoved into the ropes. He rebounds into a stiff side kick that stops him right in his tracks!*

Bob: BIG KICK from the challenger! Kunoi looks staggered!
Ralph: is he out of his feet already?!

*Laura attempts to put him away with a spinning back fist, which is a mistake! Kunoi ducks the strike, quickly grabbing the X-man in a Belly to Belly suplex clutch!*

Ralph: He caught her!

*Snapping his hips, Kunoi violently suplexes The Tag Team Champion over his head! Laura lands headfirst, crumpling under the weight of her own body!*

Bob: Brilliant suplex from Ishigami!

*That one reversal gives The Destroyer enough time to regain his bearings, which is bad news for Laura Kinney, who pulls herself back to her feet in the corner. Even with her superior speed, she now falls victim to Ishigami, who lands an IMPRESSIVE flying palm strike to her in the corner!*

Bob: That strike connects flush!

*Now it is X-23 who is staggered, unable to stop the onslaught of several stiff open-palm strikes from The Platinum Grand Champion…*

Bob: And now Ishigami fights back with some impressive palm strikes!
Ralph: He hits really hard, trust me on that one…

*Kinney quickly reverts to her close quarters combat training, however, out-striking the UCTF Grand Champion with precision. The crowd pops louder as she fights her way out of the corner, forearm striking Ishigami with enough force to push him back first into a corner of his own!*

Ralph: Wow, Kunoi’s getting worked over here!
Bob: X-23 is a very skilled fighter in her own right, being trained by the best fighters in the world!

*Spinning in a blaze, X-23 hits the spinning back fist she was looking for earlier in the fight! This one lands PERECTLY! As the champ staggers forward from the attack, Laura goes low, nailing a sweep that sends him back first in the center of the ring!*

Bob: And the champ is down!
Ralph: But it doesn’t look like for long…

*Kunoi quickly rolls over to his back to avoid a possible pin fall attempt, which, he will soon find out, is a terrible mistake! Anticipating his next move, Laura springs herself from the ropes, damn near decapitating the champion with her downward guillotine kick! The champion’s body flips forward from the impact of the kick, and lands right on its back!*

Ralph: Holy crap!
Bob: What a kick from the challenger! She believes that’s it!

*X-23 floats right over into a cover!*

Ref: 1… 2…

*But it’s not enough! Kunoi kicks out right at two.*

Ralph: Yeah right, X-23! There’s a reason why this man is the longest reigning UCTF Grand Champion in history…
Bob: Be that as it may, Kunoi is fighting hurt… He’s fatigued. Who knows how much longer he can last in this environment!

*Kunoi IS hurt, and worse for wear, but the man who once trained in the AJPW dojo wasn’t going to lose his coveted tile that easily! As he pulls himself up with the ropes, Kinney charges! This was the perfect opportunity the wrestling veteran needed! Kunoi collapses to the ground, pulling the top rope down along with him! Kinney misses her mark and flies over the top rope!*

Bob: Low bridge by The Champion!
Ralph: Wow, one of the oldest tricks in the book. I love it!
Bob: I don’t think X-23 knows what just happened to h—OH WAIT!

*X-23 is back up to her feet just in time to see Kunoi flying through the ropes towards her! With no reaction time, X-23 is battered by the champion who nails a flying elbow strike that sends both of them into the nearby barrier!*

Bob: Suicide dive by Ishigami!! When was the last time we’ve seen Kunoi do that?!
Ralph: H… have we ever?

*Landing that move seems to have invigorated The Destroyer, who is back to his feet! He lets out a battle cry to let the crowd know he’s back into this match!*

Ralph: Uh oh, Kunoi is the king of getting his 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th winds in a match. X-23 better watch herself!

*Standing over his downed opponent, Ishigami starts stomping a 1998 style mud hole into the clone!*

Bob: Indeed he has rejuvenated! How does he do it?!

*The more Kunoi attacks X-23, the more it seems that his frustration with Sasa Dark makes his blood boil! Pulling the challenger to her feet, Kunoi tosses the X-man like a ragdoll into the ring steps! The impact causes the steps to buckle and fly several feet away, which causes a collective gasp of disbelief from the fans at ring side. Miraculously, X-23 is still conscious, attempting to gain a measure of space between herself and her attack.*

Kunoi: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? COME HERE!

*But the champion won’t allow his prey to have a breather. He grabs the tag team champion by the hair, quickly tossing her back into the ring! He wants to prove a point by beating X-23 in the center of the ring just to spite his employer!*

Ralph: And there’s the old Kunoi in all his trash talking glory.

*Right as Kunoi reenters the ring, X-23 attempts to mount a comeback, only to be stuffed by an EPIC armdrag that would make Rick Steamboat shed a tear! The forward momentum sends X-23 back to her feet and into the ropes! She attempts to strike again, only to be thrown once again, judo style!*

Bob: They call that a Hiza-Guruma, and Kunoi used it to perfection there! He’s firing on all cylinders now!
Ralph: How he can take control of a match after being nearly beaten to death is scary.

*X-23 stubbornly leaps back to her feet for a second time, only to be nailed with Kunoi’s spinning backfist, certainly revenge for the one he received moments ago. X-23’s knees buckle, and she turns from the impact of the strike, leaving her in the perfect position for Kunoi to lock on another suplex clutch…*

Bob: Oh this doesn’t look good for X-23!!

*Ishigami nails a devastating Exploder in the center of the ring!*

Bob: Incredible exploder suplex by the champion!
Ralph: Damn, another plex right on top of her head. No one does it better than our champion.

*Instead of attempting a pin following the Exploder, Ishigami pounces on top of X-23, struggling with the challenger in an attempt to lock on the “Ishigami Sleeper” lock. Kinney sense the danger, and tries to prevent the Grand Champion from locking on the submission…*

Bob: X-23 refuse to die here!
Ralph: She won’t have much of a choice if Ishigami locks that hold in, though, Bob!

*Kunoi begins to overpower his smaller opponent, and things begin to look bleak for the clone. Seeing her chances at becoming the UCTF’s top champion slipping away, she has no choice but to STAB Kunoi directly in the foot with one of her adamantium claws! The Destroyer reacts instantly, dropping the hold and screaming out in agony! As he rolls away to create space, X-23 slowly stands up, drawing out her main weapons! The proverbial gloves are now off, and it’s time for business to pick up!*

Ralph: oh shit! She just stabbed him!
Bob: She certainly did, and the champion finds himself in a very familiar position! His opponent has weapons, and he doesn’t!

*The champ, try as he might, cannot make his severely injured body to move before the feeling of two razor sharp blade swipe across his bare chest! Now, with two open wounds to match the stab wound in his foot, blood begins to spray across the room as if it were an outtake from Kill Bill!*

Bob: Kunoi being sliced like a rack of Boar’s Head meat!
Ralph: Hmm… it’s been a while since we’ve seen someone killed in cold blood in a UCTF ring.

*Now looking like Bruce Lee toward the end of “Enter the Dragon” Kunoi realizes he must do something quick to avoid being gutted like a pig.*

Kunoi: AHHHH!!!!

*In full fight or flight mode, the champ CHARGES the woman with the deadly bladed weapons in an attempt to catch the aggressor off guard. DOESN’T WORK! X-23 meets him in the chin with a flying knee that sends the champ upside down from impact! Ishigami’s head lands before his feet!*

Crowd: OOOOH!!!

Ralph: Damn!! What a knee!
Bob: Kunoi’s in a bad way! The previously sustained injures, and now the blood loss… Will I be saying “AMAZING” again tonight?!

*Flying through the night sky, Kinney mounts Kunoi, her bladed hands preparing to put the champion away. Out of pure desperation, The Destroyer manages to hold Kinney’s arms at bay!*

Bob: Oh my god! X-23 was literally inches from running Ishigami through with those blades!

*Ishigami kicks X-23 all the way across the ring with impressive strength! As she bounces off of the turnbuckle, Kunoi slowly rises back to his feet…*

Ralph: How is he getting up?!?!
Bob: I’m not sure…

*X-23 flies vaults forward with a handspring!*

Bob: Hand Vault K—NO!!!

*Kunoi catches Laura while she’s still in her hand stand. NOT GOOD for our challenger! The crazed Grand Champion muscles her up to his shoulder, quickly driving her back down to the mat with the dreaded DIAMOND HEAD drop in the center of the ring!*

*Unable to capitalize, the bloody champion collapses after the miracle reversal… Neither competitors move an inch. The fans leap to their feet in appreciation, giving both fighters a standing ovation.*

Bob: Which one will be the first to rise to the occasion? Kunoi has lost tons of blood, Laura has been hit with several devastating suplexes!

*Feeding off of the determination of the other, the two opponents slowly climb back to their feet! X-23 swings first! The strike is parried away by Kunoi who immediately responds with the Kenta Rush!*

Ralph: Kunoi’s third wind!
Bob: and unleashing a furious combo on X-23!!! This could be it!

*As the rush finishes, Kunoi lands the big head kick to Kinney, that leaves her open to the final move in the assault, the BUSAIKU Knee Kick! Ishigami hits the ropes to gain momentum for his strike, only to be BLINDSIDED by the same group of ninjas that attacked him earlier in the night!*

Kunoi: X___X!!

Bob: SASA’S MINIONS! SASA’S MINIONS! THOSE BASTARDS ARE BACK TO FINISH THE JOB!
Ralph: Welp, looks like you are gonna get to say your line twice in a night, Bob…

*The champ is swarmed completely by the attackers to a chorus of boos!*

Ralph: Wow, these fans are actually behind Kunoi for once…
Bob: Honestly, I think they’re just pissed the match was ruined, Ralph!

*And they’re not the only ones…*

!!SNIKT!!

*One of the ninjas eyes widen in horror, seeing two blades now protruding THROUGH his chest! X-23 has joined the battle, taking out several members of the infamous ninja clan! Kunoi gains his fourth wind, fighting off the horde of enemies side by side with his opponent!*

Bob: And neither one are going to let this match be ruined by the hands of The Benefactor’s troops! Get ‘em, guys!!
Ralph: X-23 is an idiot for this! She could be the Grand Champion right now! What the hell is wrong with her?!

*It doesn’t take long for both The Destroyer and X-23 to clear out the entire ring of the deadly ninjas, with the clone doing the honors of throwing the last one out of the ring to a massive pop! Unfortunately for Kinney, however, the SECOND the threat of The Hand is dealt with, Ishigami is immediately back on mission, blindsiding her with the Busaiku Knee!*

Crowd: *GASP* O_O!!

Bob: KNEE KICK! KNEE KICK! KNEE KICK!!

*He lands on top of X-23, folding her up like a present!*

Ref: 1… 2… 3!!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner and STILL UCTF Grand Champion, Kunoi Ishigami!!!

*The fans go completely silent as the bell rings, as if they were in shock at how sudden the match has ended. It slowly sinks in…*

Crowd: … BOOOOO!!!!

Winner and STILL UCTF Grand Champion: Kunoi Ishigami

*Kunoi rolls off of his defeated opponent, completely spent, with a small smile on his face.*

Bob: Well, whether you like it or not, Kunoi has once again found a way to retain the Grand Championship. THAT is the good news for him… and now the bad news, Kunoi Ishigami will go on to face Inuyasha in the main event of Cyberslam for the UCTF Grand Championship.
Ralph: Maybe… Maybe the Dog Demon will no show?
Bob: I’m sure Kunoi is praying for that to happen.

*While the ring side area is cleaned up following the night’s first Grand Championship bout, the cameras flash to the backstage area, where Dimitri and Lo-Ruhamah prepare to face the relatively new duo of Eblis Drakar & Rosinthorn.*

Bob: And there are the former World Champion, Lo-Ruhamah and Dimitri. Neither men like each other, but after a mammoth beating they took at the hands of their opponents a few weeks ago, they have put their differences aside for one night!
Ralph: That’s right. Eblis and Rosinthorn better be ready for the beatings that are coming their way tonight.
Bob: And what’s even more important than evening the score, is the fact that the winner of this contest will get a shot at the UCTF Tag Team Championship belts!
Ralph: And after what we saw X-23 go through in her match against Kunoi Ishigami, you have to believe whomever wins this contest will have an automatic advantage in the championship match!
Bob: Let’s go to Arzie for the official word!

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following bout is a tag team match, where the winner will become #1 Contender to the Ultimate Crossover Tournament Fighting’s TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!

!!BIG POP!!

*Lo and Dimitri make their way out from behind the curtain. They are played to the ring by Evan’s Blue’s “Eclipsed.”*

Arzie: Introducing first, the team of Dimitri and The Unloved One, LOOOOO-RUHAMAH!!!!

Bob: And as you can see by the way these men have entered the building, they mean business!
Ralph: They sure do!

*”Super Villain” keys up next!*

Arzie: And their opponents, making their way down to the ring. They are the team of Eblis Drakar and ROSINTHO—

*Arzie’s introduction is cut off when Ruhamah and Dimitri dash past him. Both angry competitors throw themselves over the top rope, crashing into the unsuspecting Drakar and Rosinthorn before they have a chance to climb into the ring!*

*As the bell, now merely a formality, rings, the fight is already well under way on the outside of the ring! Avens has taken to Eblis Dakar, while Dimitri tends to Rosinthorn, quickly introducing the self-proclaimed “Super Villain” to the reinforced guard railing.*

Bob: This has obviously become very personal!
Ralph: That’s an understatement! Drakar and Rosinthorn wanted to make a name for themselves. They got their wish!

*The famous “Heavenly Step Kick” takes out Drakar, allowing The Unloved one to turn his attention towards Rosinthorn. He and Dimitri begin to unleash a myriad of kicks to the downed newcomer on the outside of the ring, to a massive roar from the blood thirsty fans!*

Ralph: Steve Austin is probably shedding a tear somewhere while watching this…
Bob: Dimitri and Avens are relentless! Rosinthorn better think of something quickly or this match will be over before it’s started!

*Giving each other a nod, Ruhamah and Dimitri tandem toss Rosinthorn into the squared circle, before surrounding him like two hungry sharks! With Drakar still down on the outside, Rosinthorn is nothing but a sitting duck in the center of the ring.*

Bob: This doesn’t look good for the man from the Negaverse!

*The attackers pounce from opposite corners of the ring in an attempt to finish Rosinthorn, only for the super villain to teleport out of harm’s way at the last possible second! Dimitri and Lo, with no time to react, crash head first into each other!*

Ralph: OH WOW!
Bob: Rosinthorn with a miracle evasion!

*Rosinthorn reappears behind the now staggered tag team and lands a telekinetic blast that sends the Avens and Dimitri crashing into a heap in the corner! The momentum sends Lo and Dimitri back towards the center of the ring, met with a powerful double clothesline!*

Ralph: Nice attack!
Bob: He may have just single handedly saved this tag team match!

*Dimitri struggles to climb to his feet, only to come face to face with Drakar, who materializes directly in front of him already in mid-swing!*

!!BLAP!!

*The hilt of Drakar’s Blade of Corruption smashes right on the bridge of Dimitri’s nose, sending the cop swiftly back to the ground! With him down, the two warriors quickly turn their attention back to Lo-Ruhamah, who now finds himself in the same position Rosinthorn was in moments ago. The Unloved one slowly stands to his feet as his two opponents make their approach. With less than a second to spare, Avens powers up his fists with dark energy, and pre-emptively strikes with his famous chi-slaps!*

!!POP!!

Crowd: WHOOOOO!!!

!!POP!!

Crowd: WHOOOOOO!!!!

Ralph: Drakar gets a chi-slap! Rosinthorn gets a chi-slap! Everybody gets a chi-slap!
Bob: Lo-Ruhamah is going berserk! Remember folks, this is for a shot at the illustrious UCTF Tag Team Championships!

*Avens’ assault does not last long, as Drakar spears the former World Champion through the top rope and to the floor! Rosinthorn barely has time to shake off the effects of the chi-slaps, as he’s attacked once more by Dimitri, who is now bleeding from the nose and NOT happy! Completely overcome, Rosinthorn fires a close range telekinetic blast that connects, sending Dimitri flying across the ring once more!*

Bob: Another harsh attack sends Dimitri flying!
Ralph: He’s got to do something about that or he won’t last much longer.

*Crashing into the far corner, Dimitri has had enough! He conjures his own psionic abilities as Rosinthorn charges him, firing a psionic shot directly into his heated rival! This attack knocks the villain clear off his feet, giving Dimitri time to pounce with his “Belt of Venus” combination attack! Outside the ring, however, things are not going quite as well for Lo-Ruhamah, who is violently assaulted with the flat of Drakar’s claymore before rammed into the unforgiving steel steps!*

Drakar: HAH!

*With Brilliant speed, Drakar dashes around the prone Lo-Ruhamah, leaving quick painful slashes that tear at the former World Champion’s custom tailored suit! The unarmed Avens is bloodied and covered in “Marks of Corruption.” Inside the ring, Dimitri attempts a rescue attempt, but is quickly foiled by Rosinthorn’s… tentacle??*

Dimitri: What the…

Rosinthorn: heh… heh… Not going anywhere, are you?

*The tentacle explodes out of Rosinthorn, lifting Dimitri into the air! He’s slammed into the mat violently not once, but twice!*

*With his tentacle still wrapped firmly around Dimitri’s leg, Rosinthorn sends a blast of energy through his new limb, not only severely damaging the cop, but using that damage to heal himself! The weakened Dimitri lands right into the arms of Rosinthorn, who then lands a DEVESTATING Emerald Flowsion right in the center of the ring!*

Bob: FALL FROM GRACE DRIVER IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!

*Rosinthorn goes for the cover!*

Ref: 1… 2…

*But the evil bastard pulls Dimitri’s shoulders off of the mat!*

Crowd: O_O… BOOOOO!!!!!

Ralph: What the hell!?
Bob: Apparently Rosinthorn is not done with Dimitri!

*With an evil grin, Rosinthorn calls for Drakar to enter the ring and help him punish Dimitri! With Lo-Ruhamah out of the picture, Drakar is happy to oblige. The two dark warriors comments to stomping the life out of Dimitri!*

Bob: They’re here to punish these two, and so far they are successful!
Ralph: Look on the outside of the ring, Bob!
Bob: Avens is trying to come to his partner’s aid!

*The Unloved one slowly returns to the apron, where he is immediately met by the Eblis and his claymore’s hilt! With one quick strike, the battered Avens collapses onto the hardest part of the ring!*

Bob: And just like that, he’s down again!

*But he refuses to give up, fighting his way into the ring, Lo takes more and more brutal shots from the Claymore! Blood flies from every strike, as this match continues to look more and more like a massacre!*

*Ruhamah is up to one knee, and now Rosinthorn has joined in on the vicious beating to keep the former World Champion down. It takes every bit of energy that he has, but Lo-Ruhamah uses his trump card, “Light for the Blind!” Focusing all of his chi, his entire body illuminates into a flash of blinding light! Both of the opponents are caught off guard, as well as most of the UCTF capacity crowd!*

Rosinthorn and Eblis: ARRRGHHH!!!!

Bob: Lo got ‘em!!

*Instinctively backing away from Lo-Ruhamah, Rosinthorn and Drakar stagger right into the clutches of the still grounded Dimitri!*

Dimitri: Thank you, Avens… ARRRRGHHHH!!!!

*Pooling all of his focus into this final attack, Dimitri uses his “Soul Drain” technique, sapping his opponents’ energy from their bodies in a near instant! They collapse before the psi-vampire, who falls from pure exhaustion himself. Lo-Ruhamah, returns to his feet, barely able to stand just as the referee finishes counting to ten. Neither Drakar nor Rosinthorn are able to respond, and the match is over!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Ralph: Wait… They did it?
Bob: Somehow, Dimitri and Lo-Ruhamah manage to score a win over the newcomers in a very physical match! We have new number one contenders!

Winners and New #1 Contenders: Dimitri & Lo-Ruhamah

*Lo-Ruhamah takes two steps before collapsing Dimitri and their vanquished opponents. As the four men lay in the center of the ring, the crowd leap to their feet, giving all four a standing ovation for the epic match up they just completed. However, their cheers quickly turn to gasps of disbelief, when Story of the Year’s “We Don’t Care Anymore” starts up!*

Everyone: O_O

Bob: Oh… Oh no!
Ralph: What?! NOW?!

*Sure enough, X-23 and Batgirl appear at the top of the ramp. This match is about to take place NOW!*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is for the UCTF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!

*With only a few seconds to spare before they’re in the next match, Dimitri uses his “Heal Aura” spell. Seeing that their opponents are slowly regaining their strength, the Tag Team Champions drop their gold and sprint to the ring!*

Arzie: Introducing fir—

*Once again Arzie is interrupted as The Tag Team Champs begin to lay waste to Dimitri and Ruhamah!*

!!DING DING DING!!

Dead Silence vs. Dimitri & Lo-Ruhamah

*The deadly assassins momentarily turn their focus to the defeated Drakar and Rosinthorn, discarding the two men from the ring like pieces of trash! This may be the best thing to happen to either of the competitors, as UCTF officials rush to their aid on the outside. However, it bodes VERY badly for the newly minted number one contenders to the gold!*

Ralph: Annnnd they’re out of there!
Bob: The champions mean business tonight!

*Dimitri makes the mistake of rising to his feet first. X-23 leaps off the shoulders of her partner, delivering a brutal double axe handle on Dimitri’s already shattered nose!*

Bob: Talon wisely attacking Dimitri’s weak point!

*As a testament of his toughness, Dimitri does not go down, which soon proves to be very unwise as he is taken out with Cain an Kinney’s “Total Elimination” tag team maneuver! While the fans lose their mind after witnessing the spin kick/sweep combination, Batgirl quickly covers!*

Crowd: 1…… 2……..2.9999999!!!!

*Lo-Ruhamah pounces onto Batgirl, breaking the count at the last possible moment!*

Bob: Avens isn’t ready to give up yet!
Ralph: Oh man, can you imagine what would happen if he wins another title here? His World Title reign made him the craziest son of a bitch we’ve ever seen in this place!

*His interference immediately costs him, however, as X-23 comes from above with a stiff axe kick right underneath Lo-Ruhamah’s skull!*

Ralph: Jesus!

*Responding to what might possibly be a concussion, Lo-Ruhamah finds himself back to his feet after the brutal kick, turning into a SUPERKICK from Batgirl that knocks him clear off his feet! The former World Champion crashes into the corner in a heap!*

Bob: and ANOTHER devastating kick! This time from Batgirl!

*Dimitri, pulls himself back to his feet as well. NOT SMART. Dead Silence rushes him from opposing sides, landing a pair of super kicks, literally sandwiching his skull in between their feet!*

!!POP!!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!

Ralph: Super Kick Party!!!!!!!
Bob: GOOD GOD!

*Following the kicks, Dimitri folds forward while falling back through the ropes! Tumbling through the cables, he somehow lands feet first on the concrete below. Perhaps by instinct alone, he is still somehow on his feet after the two shots to the dome!*

Bob: He landed on his feet! Impressive!
Ralph: But probably a bad idea… HERE COMES X-23!

*Charging off the ropes, X-23 leaps into the waiting arms of her tag team partner! The duo perform the FAST BALL SPECIAL, launching the Wolverine clone through the ropes, where she torpedo Dimitri like a damn Rhino right onto the concrete!*

Bob: DIMITRI HAS JUST BEEN TAKEN OUT!
Ralph: Oh man… Call an ambulance… call more than one.
Bob: To anyone who thought X-23 would be worn down following her match with Ishigami, I have two words for you all. HEALING FACTOR!

*As X-23 makes her way back to the ring following her breathtaking dive, Lo sees a tiny, microscopic opportunity and takes it! He dives out of the corner, nailing X-23 with a running kick just as she prepared to climb into the ring! The mutant flies backwards off the apron, landing on the concrete!*

Ralph: WHOA!
Bob: But Ruhamah is still in this! What a kick!!!

*Cain pounces towards Lo, who scouts her! One well-placed back body drop later, and Batgirl flies over the top rope onto her own partner!*

Crowd: OOOOHHH!!!

Bob: Lo-Ruhamah is showing why he was the World Champion for so long!
Ralph: Wait, what is he doing?!

*The SECOND Batgirl leaves the ring, Lo-Ruhamah, having fallen to his knees, begins to chant a spell that causes a purplish hue surround his body…*

Ralph: Bob?
Bob: That’s… That’s his Violet Flames technique!

*Using the Violet Flames, Lo-Ruhamah’s ten second incantation speeds up his healing process, closes up all of his wounds, and restores the former legendary World Champion’s body to his pre-match state.*

Bob: That was PERFECT timing by Lo, and we’ve rarely seen him use it during his long tenure in the UCTF! What a wily competitor!
Ralph: He really… REALLY wants those tag team championships.
Bob: Indeed!

*The spell is over, and Lo-Ruhamah is fully healed, yet noticeably winded… However, that won’t stop the man who may be considered the greatest UCTF World Champion in history.*

Lo: huff… huff… well… Let’s rock.

*Ruhamah takes off and dives through the ropes onto both members of Dead Silence!*

*Fighting like a man possessed, Lo-Ruhamah lights up the chests of X-23 and Batgirl with renewed, powerful, Kenta Kobashi worthy chi-slaps!*

Bob: Avens leaving it all on the field tonight!

*A heavenly step kick sends Batgirl into headfirst into the guard rail! X-23 is whipped back into the ring… Lo-Ruhamah rolls in behind the clone who quickly rolls to her feet. Right as she’s back up, she is greeted with a BLATANT low blow!*

Crowd: OOOOHHHH!!!

Bob: BLATANT LOW BLOW!
Ralph: I still don’t understand how that works on women o_o…

*Ruhamah spins her around, easily lifting Laura onto his shoulders… With violent force, he drives her into the canvas with a powerbomb! He quickly pulls her of the mat, driving her down with a second powerbomb!*

Lo: RAAARGGGHHH!!

*He’s not done! Lifting her onto his shoulders for a third time, Avens leaps into the air! Using his flaming chi to give an added boost, Ruhamah attempts to put X-23 through the mat with his “Welcome to Sheol” leaping powerbomb!*

Bob: Triple Powerbomb by Lo! Could this be it?!

*Sensing danger from behind him, Lo quickly delivers a spin kick to Batgirl just as she was climbing back into the ring!*

Ralph: OOH!! GOOD SHOT!

*He quickly returns to X-23, pulling the clone back to her feet by the hair. He quickly locks her arms, and drives her back to the canvas with his double-arm DDT!*

Bob: That’s part one of Lo’s finisher! Is he going up?!

*Indeed, Bob! Ruhamah has made his ascent to the top rope! Perched high above Kinney, Lo channels white chi throughout his body before throwing himself into a moonsault!*

Ralph: That… did not look like it felt good at all.
Bob: Lo-Ruhamah looks to be OUT!!! Can they—OH WAIT, RALPH!!

*Dimitri appears back in the ring out of seemingly thin air! He’s worn, bloody, but NOT beaten! Grabbing a hold of Cassandra Cain from behind, He prepares to make miracle number 2 happen!*

Dimitri: I’ll be taking your Sta—

!!POP!!

*But he’s quickly me with a flying kick from X-23! With Lo-Ruhamah down, Dimitri has no one to stop what’s about to come next!*

Batgirl: *nods*
X-23: *nods*

*X-23 rolls forward, delivering an upwards double boot to the chin, while at that exact moment, Batgirl springboards from the top rope, coming down with a double foot stomp to the top of Dimitri’s skull!*

*X-23 covers Dimitri, while Batgirl stands above them both. The result is academic!*

Ref: 1….. 2…….. 3!!!

!!DING DING DING!!

*As Story of the Year begins playing, the referee raises the arms of Dead Silence.*

Bob: That was quick and BRUTAL.
Ralph: Lo-Ruhamah had me convinced. He almost managed to do it alone.
Bob: Who knows what would have happened if Dimitri and Ruhamah were fresh. I think the fans in attendance deserve a rematch for sure!

Winners and STILL Tag Team Champions: Dead Silence

*EMTs rush to the ring to aid the fallen tag team, as X-23 and Batgirl quickly march back up the ramp, victorious once again and still on top of the UCTF Tag Team Division. Meanwhile, in the Presidential suite of the UCTF Arena, we see none other than the Federation’s “Benefactor” himself, Sasa Dark. Also in the office is Reiji Takigawa, The Crow, as well as Alice Tsukagami, the woman the world saw Sasa have killed months ago. She is sitting on the Dark’s desk, almost as a trophy he is parading in front of the entire Arena.*

Sasa: Kid, you better not embarrass me out there tonight.

Reiji: e_e

Sasa: In fact, I don’t want you to just beat that American piece of trash, I want you to make him wish he had retired after Trowa Barton shot him, you hear me?

*Reiji quietly nods.*

Sasa: Good, now go. I don’t want any idiots like Seth getting in the way of our guest tonight. Take care of him.

*Reiji stands up and leaves the office, heading towards the UCTF ring!*

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall…

*Rammstein’s “Links 2, 3, 4” keys up for the first time in ages, causing a HUGE roar from the crowd! Seth Conway steps onto the ramp, taking in the massive ovation from the fans before slowly marching his way down the aisle.*

Bob: And for the first time since On Your Computer IX, Seth Conway has returned to the UCTF!
Ralph: Bob, he was shot INCHES, mere INCHES from the heart!
Bob: Indeed, and from what I’ve heard, the new Mayor of Anime City has gone through extensive training to be able to return to active competition.

*Diving under the bottom rope, Conway begins hitting the ropes like a mad man to show to the world he’s in great ring shape!*

Arzie: Introducing first, hailing from Louisville, Kentucky… He stands at 5’8” and weighed in this morning at 180lbs! He is none other than the MAYOR OF ANIME CITY…. SETH CONWAYYYYY… SUIIIIIICIDDDEEEEEE!!!!

*Suicide raises his arms to another huge pop, which is quickly silenced when “Aegukga” begins to play again!*

Crowd: e_e!! BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*Out walks the cocky, young, and brash Reiji The Crow!*

Arzie: And his opponent, hailing from Japan… He stands at 5’10” and weighed in today at 143lbs! He is Sasa Dark’s right hand man… REEEEIIIJIIIII THE CROWWWWW!!!

*Reiji bounds from the ramp, transforming mid-jump into his crow form. Taking flight, he lands right in front of Suicide, now in his normal form once more. He gives the grizzled veteran a cocky smirk as he folds his arms. Conway doesn’t flinch from the intimidation tactic, giving the newcomer to the squared circle an equally menacing grin.*

Ralph: This may be Reiji’s first match, but word on the street is that he beat Jeice, yes, THAT Jeice quite handedly in a street fight some time ago!
Bob: What?!
Ralph: I’m not kidding…

!!DING DING DING!!

Suicide vs. Reiji

*Seth quickly circles around his opponent instinctively, looking for an opening to strike, but Reiji calmly keeps the former Anime Champion out with quick, light warning kicks to keep Conway on the outside…*

Bob: This is obviously Conway’s first meeting with Reiji, however, Conway has a plethora of experience fighting Tae Kwon Do practitioners.
Ralph: Heh, That’s an understatement, Bob…

*The Mayor tries to slip in to lock up, only to be kicked square in the face with enough force to stagger him half a step. Reiji takes advantage, locking up with the wrestler and pushing him into the corner to assert early dominance! With the referee admonishing him to break the hold, Reiji slowly lets go, but not before giving Suicide a light, disrespectful pat on the face!*

Seth: o_o…

Reiji: >=)…

Bob: Reiji let’s go of the hold, but let’s Suicide know that he just won their first exchange!

*Retreating to the center of the ring, the arrogant zoanthrope beckons Conway to try one more time. Seth cracks his neck, before exploding out of the corner! Reiji quickly goes for a kick, but Seth scouts the strike and rolls under. Reiji spins around and immediately gets caught with a tie up and quickly forced into the corner by the military brat!*

Bob: And now Conway has the upper hand!

*The referee is right there once more to make sure the hold is broken. Conway, just as Reiji moments ago, let’s go of the hold, but instead of a light, playful pat on the face, Seth delivers a damn near jaw shattering slap to the face!*

*As one would expect, Reiji does not take kindly to the slap, and he charges Conway out of the corner like a wild animal! Big mistake! Suicide hip tosses him clear across the ring! Now even more infuriated, Reiji charges again, only to be arm dragged to the canvas!*

Bob: Reiji seems to be on tilt!

*Still not having learned his lesson, Reiji charges again, only to fall prey to Suicide’s drop toe hold! After landing face first on the canvas, the embarrassed Takigawa slams his fist on the canvas in frustration!*

Ralph: Damn, Conway hasn’t lost a step…
Bob: I’m sure everyone wondered if he’d have some rust upon his return. I think we might have our answer!

*Reiki stands up in the corner, while Suicide mockingly beckons him to meet him in the center of the ring.*

Reiji: GRRRR!!!

*Seth ducks a WILD head hunting, roundhouse kick, lifting the open zoanthrope up into the fireman’s carry!*

Ralph: IT’S COURT MARTIAL TIME ALRE—

*NOPE! Reiji wiggles out and wisely takes a powder out of the ring, much to the dismay of the capacity crowd!*

Reiji: NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. e_e

Crowd: BOOOOOOO!!!

*Being the nice guy that he is, Suicide opens the ropes for Reiji, inviting him to climb back into the ring. However, Reiji doesn’t take to his show of sportsmanship too kindly, and cries out in a mixture of embarrassment and rage! He turns his back to the ring, debating just leaving the match all together, which is another HUGE mistake for him. Don’t ever turn your back on Seth Conway!*

Bob: SETH OFF THE ROPES!

*Reiji turns back around right as Conway comes crashing on top of him via a top rope somersaulting suicide dive!*

Ralph: SUICIDE DIVE!
Bob: And Conway lands perfectly on his feet! What an impressive display of athleticism!

*After taking a few moments to ham it up for the crowd, Suicide returns to business by tossing Reiji back into the ring. Following close behind, Conway keeps the pressure on by nailing his opponent in the gut, causing Reiji to double over in the center of the ring…*

Bob: I think we know what’s coming next!

*Bouncing off the ropes, Suicide hits his patented scissors kick to a large pop! The crowd pipes in almost immediately!*

Crowd: ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME! ONE MORE TIME!

*The former holder of the “Military Championship” flashes a huge grin, before coming off the ropes a second time! This time however, Reiji scouts his opponent, interrupting the “one more time” with a STIFF kick to the face! With the added momentum from the ropes, Seth lands damn near on his head from the contact! Reiji immediately celebrates to rub it in the fans faces!*

Reiji: ONE MORE WHAT?!?! >=|

Crowd: O_O BOOOO!!!!

*Reiji doesn’t let up! He batters Conway with a barrage of lightning fast kicks in the corner for what seems like an eternity. All of his embarrassment and rage comes out as each kick gains strength. Suicide can only cover up and weather the storm!*

Bob: Reiji letting him have it, now!
Ralph: Suicide’s going to have to do something here soon!

*He pushes Conway’s kick away and responds with a jumping spin kick that Seth ducks under! Conway punishes the whiff with a kick to the midsection! When Reiji doubles over, Conway lifts him upside down!*

Bob: PILEDR—

*NO! Reiji quickly changes his center of gravity. He returns to his feet, using that momentum to send Seth over his shoulders with a back body drop! Conway pops back up quickly, only to be hit with a head kick! Reiji’s strike sends Conway through the ropes and onto the apron.*

Ralph: Not good for Seth!

*Grabbing Suicide by the scruff of his neck, Reiji attempts to ram the marine head first into the post on the outside of the ring. Conway isn’t going for it! Wedging his foot against the post, he blocks the attempt and nails Reiji with several stiff elbows to the side of the head…*

Bob: Conway not backing down!

*Reiji blocks an elbow, and punishes Conway with a jumping roundhouse to the face! Conway teeters on the apron from the kick! The staggered wrestler barely hangs on by one hand desperately clutching the top rope. Reiji hits the ropes, preparing to spear Suicide off the apron!*

Reiji: ARRRGGHHH!!

!!POP!!

*But Conway is too fast! A well placed KNEE to the face stops the attack, and sends Reiji rolling back to the center of the ring! Conway shakes off the cobwebs. He leaps to the top rope in a single bound, performing a springboard from the top and hitting his second scissor kick to the back of the head!*

Crowd: *POPS!*

Bob: Reiji hit with the second kick!
Ralph: Conway always finds a way to land that second one!

*The punishment isn’t over for Reiji, as Suicide pulls Reiji back up, quickly lifting him upside down in the piledriver position once more! Seth takes Reiji for a ride around all four sides of the ring, giving everyone in the arena a show! The crowd enthusiastically follows behind him!*

Crowd: YOU WANNA SEE!? YOU WANNA SEE!? YOU WANNA SEE!? YOU WANNA SEE!?

*Conway SNAPS backwards, hitting the Show-Off Piledriver in the center of the ring!*

Crowd: YAAAAYYYY!!!!

*He makes the first cover of the match!*

Ref: 1……….. 2…….

*Reiji kicks out!*

Bob: Not enough!

*Back to his feet, Conway shakes his head, before making a very familiar symbol with his arms…*

Conway: IT’S OVER.

Ralph: Uh oh!
Bob: Seth Conway signaling for the end, here!

*Pulling Reiji to his feet, Conway powers the right hand man of Sasa Dark into the fireman’s carry! Reiji is ready for it, however, slipping out for a second time! He lands behind Conway and throws his opponent with a violent German Suplex!*

Crowd: GASPS!

Bob: Reiji reverses again at a critical time! He’s not going to give this up without a fight!
Ralph: Considering what Sasa will do to him, I completely understand why…

*Offended at Seth’s presumptions, Reiji’s blood begins to boil!*

Reiji: IT’S OVER, HUH!? HAAAAA!!!

*A sudden flash of light emanates from Reiji’s body, instantly transforming him into his Crow form!*

*Conway doesn’t have time to react as the now much faster Reiji has already lifted him off of his feet by the throat! The Crow delivers a punch to the jaw so powerful, it sends Conway flying across the ring! Still airborne from the hit, Conway falls victim to a mid-air, spinning dagger like tackle, beak first from The Crow!*

Suicide: ARRGGHH!!

*Reiji lands before Suicide, burying his foot deep into the wrestler’s breadbasket! Spinning around, the zoanthrope drives Conway into the canvas with the same kick! Seth BOUNCES from the slam, falling prey to more brilliantly fast kicks that knock him into the corner! Reiji dives across the ring feet first, delivering another vicious torpedoing strike to the face!*

*Suicide falls face first out of the corner, into the waiting hands of Reiji, who takes him several dozen feet above the ring!*

Bob: Oh, this is not good!
Ralph: Suicide going for a ride he might not be able to get up from!

*They quickly change flight patterns, as The Crow drives Conway head first into the ring below!*

!!KATHOOOOM!!

Ralph: JESUS!!
Bob: What a giant chokeslam! That has to be it for the Mayor!

*Reiji doesn’t even bother to cover, allowing the referee to count Suicide out by way of KO. He turns to the crowd, reverting back to his normal human form…*

Reiji: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

*Little does he know, the former Anime Champion has slowly risen to his feet. His clothes are ripped to shreds, he’s bloodied and worse for wear, but what’s even worse for Reiji, is that… HE’S LAUGHING!*

*The angered benefactor slams his fists down on the Presidential desk, seething after the embarrassing loss Reiji The Crow just suffered at the hands of Seth Conway. Sasa barks orders to more members of The Hand, who sit silently in the darkness.*

Sasa: GET HIM. MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T LEAVE THIS BUILDING ALIVE!

*The members of the ninja clan quickly disperse, now on a hunt for the mayor.*

Calm down, Sasa. What does it matter if he escapes? Do you think he will make it through the end of this night?

*Sasa’s rage quickly vanishes, when he sees a dark manifest in front of him. That rage quickly becomes fear.*

Sasa: n… no.

Then don’t worry about what just happened. You just ensure that neither The Dog Demon nor Ishigami are able to stand by the end of this fight. I don’t care who wins or loses. Even though I am eons ahead of them in terms of power, enough of these rejects banning together could become… troublesome.

Arzie: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is our main event for Cyberslam VIII, and it is for the ULTIMATE CROSSOVER TOURNAMENT FIGHTING LEAGUE’S GRAAAAAAAAAND CHAMPIONSHIP!

Bob: This is it! This is the match we’ve been waiting for!
Ralph: That is, if Inuyasha shows up. We haven’t heard anything about his whereabouts all night.

*”Kimi Ga Inai Mirai” by Do As Infinity begins playing…*

Arzie: First, introducing the challenger, hailing from Feudal Japan, He is the UCTF Intergalactic Champion, THE DOGGG DEMONNNN, INUUUYASHAAAAA!!!

*The crowd lets out a huge pop for The Intergalactic and former Weaponmaster champion… However, once again, there is no sign of the dog demon anywhere to be seen! His new theme music continues to play as an awkward silence begins to form throughout the crowd.*

Ralph: I told you. Inuyasha is about to Jeff Hardy this pay per view event. He’s just gonna shit all over it!
Bob: Oh no… This has never happened before. Not in the main event, at least!

*Arzie clears his throat, before trying again.*

Arzie: HE IS THE DOG DEMON… INNNUUUYAA—HOLY SHIT!

!!KATHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!

*Crashing right into the center of the ring from several hundred feet above, Inuyasha has arrived in the squared-circle in the most dramatic fashion!*

Inuyasha: ………

Everyone: O_O! *POPS!!!!!!!*

Bob: And it won’t happen tonight!!!
Ralph: I was starting to get worried.
Bob: I’m willing to bed Kunoi is starting to get worried as we speak! He almost got out of this beating that has been heading his way for a long long time!

*It’s not long after Inuyasha makes his entrance that “Water Pow” by B-Dash starts playing next!*

Kunoi: e_e…

*The Champion appears on the ramp, taking his dear sweet time as he saunters down the aisle.*

Arzie: And introducing the champion! Making his way down to the ring for his second title defense of the evening… He hails from Sapporo, Japan, and is known as the DESTROYER! He is the ULTIMATE CROSSOVER TOURNAMENT FIGHTING GRAND CHAMPION… HE IS KUNOI… ISSHIIIIIIIIIIGAMIIIIIIII!

Bob: Kunoi is certainly taking his time getting there!
Ralph: He’s the champion, Bob. He doesn’t have to rush! Everyone is here to see him!
Bob: Yeah, see him lose.

*Ishigami climbs into the ring, lifting the UCTF Grand Championship into the air. The proud champion has beaten the odds several times, including tonight, by defeating a deadly ninja assassin in the center of the ring! He looks to beat another champion in just a few moments.*

Bob: Getting any flashbacks from the time you attempting to dethrone him?
Ralph: Are you getting any flashbacks of the time he came up here and brutally assaulted you?
Bob: e_e… I’m not talking about that. I’m still considering litigation.

*Kunoi leaves the ring just as quickly as he got in, grabbing a microphone from the outside. Everyone in the place gives a collective GROAN. No one likes when Ishigami has a microphone.*

Kunoi: I’ve had some pretty embarrassing moments in this place. From forcing me to dress like that racist piece of shit Hulk Hogan, to having to defend my belt against a man who ate a six foot party sub to become #1 contender, I’ve been through it all!

Crowd: BOOOOO!!!

Ralph: Hey, I bet YOU couldn’t eat a Party sub that fast, Kunoi!

Kunoi: But nothing has ever embarrassed me enough that I would NO SHOW a match to defend my gold! Inuyasha, you didn’t even show up to the Sasa Dark Invitational to put your belt on the line because you wanted an advantage in our match, DIDN’T YOU?!

Inuyasha: e_e…

Bob: I mean, he’s right… Inuyasha is in a hell of a position right now because he didn’t fight earlier…

Kunoi: Meanwhile I’ve already defended my belt tonight! So I guess what they say about you is true… You are half demon, HALF BITCH!

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!

Inuyasha: >=|!!!!

*Ishigami is REALLY getting under the Dog Demon’s skin, which may not be the wisest idea in the world…*

Kunoi: The deal was we both have preliminary matches before the main event. Therefore by my count, you are in breach of contract, and I shouldn’t have to defend my championship against you!

Crowd: UGHH!!

Bob: Please don’t tell me this guy is about to weasel his way out of this main event… PLEASE!
Ralph: I … I think he is. o_o

Kunoi: But I will be willing to forgive your transgressions… IF… and ONLY IF you fight this match without your sword Tessaiga!

Bob: THAT’S IT… HE’S TRYING TO TRICK INUYASHA INTO GOING WEAPONLESS IN THIS MATCH!
Ralph: Good idea. It is kinda bullshit the weaponmasters get to use their weapons during normal singles matches. There’s an entire division for that!

*Inuyasha gives Kunoi a smirk. He may not be the smartest man on Earth, but even a dumb brute like himself knows that The Destroyer outclasses him in fighting abilities… Still, Kunoi is right. Inuyasha didn’t have an opening match tonight. He slowly unbuckles the sheathed Tessaiga before handing it and the Intergalactic Championship over to the referee.*

Bob: It seems like Inuyasha agrees with Ku—

!!BLAOW!!

*The SECOND Inuyasha takes his eyes off the ball, Kunoi nails the dog demon with the UCTF Grand Championship! Kunoi quickly mounts the Hanyou, laying a ground and pound on the dog demon before the bell!*

Crowd: BOOOOOO!!!

Bob: That cheating son of a bitch!

!!DING DING DING!!

UCTF Grand Championship
Inuyasha vs. Kunoi Ishigami

*Cheater or not, his plan works! Immediately as the match begins, Kunoi is already within seconds of retaining the Grand Championship again with his brutal ground and pound attack! The referee warns Inuyasha that he needs to fight back, and that’s exactly what the half-breed demon does!*

Inuyasha: ARRRGGHHHH!!

*His superior, supernatural strength easily tosses Kunoi not only off of him, but across the ring! The Destroyer lands in the ropes! The brute is already back to his feet, charging the champion with an intent to MURDER in his eyes! With a very short amount of time to react, Kunoi pulls the top rope down, sending the pursing attacker flying out of the ring!*

Ralph: LOW BRIDGE!
Bob: He’s lucky, Inuyasha looked like he was going to rip his head off!

*Inuyasha hits the ground feet first, immediately climbing back into the ring! Kunoi is right there to meet him, NAILING the Dog in the head with a brutal head kick!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOHHH!!!

*The kick sends Inuyasha down once more! The champ mounts and continues his brutal ground and pound assault once more!*

Bob: Kunoi back on t—

*Before Bob can finish the sentence, Inuyasha LAUNCHES The Destroyer off of him once more, this time with the champ taking the tumble to the outside! The Hanyou tries to pursue, only to be caught as he climbs through the ropes! With a handful of hair, Kunoi blasts his in the face with a haymaker! This dazes Inuyasha enough to allow Kunoi to gain a running start…*

Kunoi: >=| AHHHHHHH!!!!!

*Kunoi hits a running boot scrape to Inuyasha, sending the Intergalactic champion flying from the apron to the floor! While he’s down, Inuyasha falls victim to Ishigami’s running abise kick!*

Ralph: So many kicks to the head x_x
Bob: He’s trying to end this thing early Ralph, and I don’t blame him!

*Ishigami’s back in the ring, making a B-line for the referee. Grabbing the poor official by the shirt, Kunoi drags him over to the ropes.*

Kunoi: e_e COUNT HIM OUT. NOW.

Ref: ;_;… 1!! …. 2!!!

Bob: OH COME ON, KUNOI!
Ralph: Hey, you said he wanted to end it quickly…
Bob: But this is lame! Why would you try this in the main event?!

*Whether the fans agree with it or not, the referee makes his count on Inuyasha, who is slow to stand to his feet after repeated blows to the head.*

Inuyasha: Unghh… Why’s that guy counting?

Fan: GET BACK IN THE RING??

Inuyasha: wha??

Fan: GET BACK IN THE RING OR YOU’LL LOSE!

Kunoi: HEY STUPID, SHUTUP! e_e

*Inuyasha FINALLY realizes what’s going on and leaps back into the ring, right into the waiting arms of the Grand Champion, who tosses him with a Japanese arm drag! Inuyasha pops back up, right into the Hiza-Guruma judo throw!*

Bob: Inuyasha is being tossed around like a rag doll!

*The Hanyou is back up again, this time Kunoi goes for the Ipponzei! NUH UH. Inuyasha sees it coming and blocks the throw attempt, and now it’s HIS turn! He lets out a massive roar, easily picking the lightweight Grand Champion over his head before slamming him down to the canvas with brute strength!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!

Ralph: Jesus! He almost imploded the ring with that!

*After the slam, Kunoi immediately attempts to climb out of the ring, but Inuyasha makes sure he stays for his beating by grabbing him by the foot!*

Inuyasha: WHERE YA GOING!??!

*Kunoi scrambles even more desperately now! Using the ropes as his aid, he pulls himself back to his feet. The fighting genius uses his disadvantage to gain an edge, leaping into the air and smashing Inuyasha in the dome with an enziguri kick!*

Bob: OH MY!! WHAT A REVERSAL!

*Inuyasha staggers from the kick, and is caught with Kunoi’s spinning back fist known as the URAKEN!*

Ralph: Two more big head shots! How much more can Inuyasha take?!

*Staggering Inuyasha in the center of the ring, Kunoi hits the ropes, charging the Intergalactic Champion like a freight train! He leaps into the air, going for the Busaiku Knee, but Inuyasha interrupts the attack with a STIFF punch to the jaw!*

!!POP!!

Bob: CHRIST! Ishigami batted out of the sky!
Ralph: That could have been the end of Inuyasha…

*The downed champ sees Inuyasha lumbering towards him, bringing the half-demon down with a drop toe hold! The SECOND Inuyasha lands on his face, Kunoi floats over on top of him and begins raining down thunderous knees to Inuyasha’s forehead!*

Inuyasha: ARRGHHHH!!!

Kunoi: O_O OH SH—

*The knees bear no effect! Inuyasha is back to his feet WITH Kunoi still attached to him. Using his unworldly strength, he chucks Inuyasha across the ring with one arm! The champion crashes onto the top rope, landing side first into the post! Kunoi’s body hasn’t even come to rest before Inuyasha charges towards the corner!*

Bob: THIS WON’T BE GOOD FOR KUNOI!!

!!POP!!

*Inuyasha SOCCER KICKS Kunoi! The champion goes airborne, before landing NUTS FIRST on the top rope in the center of the ring! The crowd reacts in a combination of gasps and laughter!*

Crowd: AAUGUGAOGAHGSGOH!!

Bob: The champion is in a very precarious position!
Ralph: Yeah, and I really hope Miko Mido isn’t planning on having children!
Bob: I think Kunoi has more to worry about right now… like Inuyasha charging towards him!

*In a full sprint, Inuyasha throws himself into the air, delivering the ugliest drop kick in history on the prone Kunoi! The UCTF Grand Champion FLIES off the top rope and to the floor, where he lands head first on the concrete below!*

Fans: *TURNS HEADS*

Ralph: Holy… HOLY SHIT!
Bob: No human being is meant to land that way! Kunoi could be out! Remember folks, Titles change on count out in the UCTF!

*This may be true, but unlike Ishigami’s antics from a few moments earlier, Inuyasha won’t allow himself to win the Grand Championship by way of count out! He leaves the ring, stalking the downed Grand Champion on the outside, who is now doing his best Ric Flair backpedaling technique!*

Kunoi: w… wait…

Inuyasha: Don’t start begging now. We’ve just got started.

*Inuyasha closes in, unaware that Kunoi’s sudden cowardice is all a ruse to catch the over-confident Hanyou off guard, and it WORKS. Kunoi pops up, clutching his opponent by his robe. He drives himself backwards, sending Inuyasha FACE FIRST into the steel post! The Dog Demon BOUNCES off of the metal object before coming to rest several feet away!*

Crowd: OOOOOOOOHH!!!

Bob: Dastardly attack by Kunoi!
Ralph: And he’s very happy with what he just did.

*A HUGE shit-eating grin grows across the face of Ishigami after once more outsmarting Inuyasha. But unfortunately for The Destroyer, Inuyasha is almost INSTANTLY back to his feet! Now busted open from the collision with the post, he’s more enraged than ever before!*

Ralph: oh shit…

*Kunoi turns around just in time to be damn near DECAPITATED with a clothesline from The Dog Demon! Inuyasha lays the champion to WASTE on the outside of the ring with a barrage of wild punches and kicks! Kunoi can do nothing but turtle and weather the storm!*

*The attack is long enough to prompt to referee to attempt to intervene!*

Ref: Inuyasha, get him back into the ri—

*Inuyasha TOSSES the referee into the crowd!*

Ralph: OH SHIT!
Bob: The referee has been tossed! And here come more!

*A FLEET of referees arrive to pull Inuyasha off of the Champion! Kunoi wisely climbs back into the ring while Inuyasha tosses the remaining referees out of the way! He pursues Kunoi back inside the squared circle, eating an EXPLODER suplex to the canvas! Kunoi mounts immediately, PUNISHING the dog demon with several stiff elbows to the already busted open skull!*

Bob: HOW?!? HOW IS KUNOI STILL IN IT?! HOW IS HE STILL FIGHTING AFTER THAT BEATING ON THE OUTSIDE?!

*Inuyasha muscles out of the mount! He rolls on top of Kunoi and fires back with several brutal punches of his own! Kunoi reverses the position, firing more one armed bombs!*

Bob: This has now turned into nothing more than a wild brawl!
Ralph: And no referees to restore order!

*It’s a wild brawl indeed, as both warriors manage to fight their way back to their feet, but Inuyasha just can’t keep up with the shooto master, who delivers a stiff left and right slap to the cheek, followed by a somersaulting heel kick to the nose!*

Bob: Santataki by Kunoi!
Ralph: But he couldn’t take down Inuyasha!

*Frustrated, Kunoi pulls a page out of his hero, Toshiaki Kawada’s book! He leaps high into the air, knocking Inuyasha clear off his feet with the Gamengiri kick! Inuyasha lands spread eagled in the center of the ring!*

Bob: BIG blow from Ishigami!
Ralph: Where the hell is he going?!

*Kunoi goes into the crowd and finds the referee that Inuyasha assaulted moments ago. He DRAGS the official back over the railing and into the ring!*

*It might have been too soon however, as Inuyasha kips back to his feet! Both men charge each other. Inuyasha swings wildly, Kunoi ducks! Coming off the ropes, Ishigami lands the Busaiku Knee right in the center of the ring!*

Ralph: THE RUNNING KNEE!
Bob: BUSAIKU KNEE IN THE CENTER OF THE RING! THAT’S IT FOLKS!

*The Destroyer immediately covers!*

Ref: 1…… 2………. 2.9999999999!!!

*Inuyasha kicks out! A look of surprise slowly turns into that of frustration. Kunoi focuses that frustration on the referee, throwing the poor man into the corner and berating him for counting too slow for his liking!*

Ralph: KUNOI FOCUS ON THE MATCH YOU IDIOT!
Bob: Frustration is starting to get in! That knee kick usually ENDS people!

*Kunoi turns back to Inuyasha who is STILL managing to climb to his feet.*

Kunoi: …

*The Champion cracks his neck, then hits the rising Inuyasha with a gut punch, two powerful slaps to the face followed by a spinning chop! The knee strike connects! Then the high roundhouse kick connects! Kunoi hits the ropes, leaping into the air to finish Inuyasha off with another Busaiku Knee Kick!*

Inuyasha: IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER!!!

*The Hanyou’s “Sankontessou” interrupts Kunoi’s Busaiku Knee Kick Combination, laying the Grand Champion out in the middle of the ring!*

Bob: INUYASHA INTERRUPTS!! THIS COULD BE THE END OF KUNOI’S TITLE REIGN!

*Not quite, Bob! Even though Inuyasha’s attack was meant to cut through iron beams – meant to cut through YOUKAI, The Grand Champion manages to pull himself back up to his feet! Inuyasha grimaces in frustration. He wipes the blood form his face, preparing to give Kunoi an attack that will most certainly end this match!*

Inuyasha: BLADES OF BLOOD!

*The Hijinkessou engulfs Ishigami! Bloody projectiles almost rip the champion to shreds, sending him to the canvas once more!*

Bob: Another DEADLY attack and now Kunoi is not only covered in Inuyasha’s blood, he’s bleeding profusely himself! This match is getting out of hand!
Ralph: This is not hygienic at all. It looks like a slaughter house inside the ring!

*This time, Inuyasha covers!*

Ref: 1……. 2……… 2.999999999999!!!

*But it’s not enough! Ishigami still has enough strength to power the Dog Demon off of him!*

Bob: HOW??! HOW?!
Ralph: Inuyasha might have to kill this man if he wants the Grand Championship!

*Ishigami, sees the image of himself on the UCTF jumbotron… he’s torn apart from Inuyasha’s claws, and he’s bleeding from head to toe. We’re talking “MUTA SCALE” bleeding! The sight of which causes The Destroyer to INSTANTLY lose it!*

Kunoi: ARRRGGHHHH!!!!

*The champion double legs Inuyasha, violently taking the half demon to the canvas! Kunoi goes berserk, unleashing a myriad of strikes on Inuyasha, who does all he can to fight back!*

Bob: ISHIGAMI’S SOMEHOW BACK IN THE CONTEST!
Ralph: This… This is just like when he fought Yugo… He’s somehow getting STRONGER the more punishment he takes!

*Not only that, but it’s as if Inuyasha’s hits are no longer doing any damage to the Grand Champion! In fact… Inuyasha’s hair is starting to change from his normal long, silver locks to raven colored…*

Bob: Wait, what’s happening?!
Ralph: Remember?! Kunoi has that power dampening ability! He’s reverting Inuyasha to his pure human form by will alone!

*The Hentai commentator is correct! It’s not before long that Inuyasha is in his pure 100% human form, which spells bad news for the Intergalactic champion! His strikes are USELESS against The Destroyer! Ishigami once again unleashes the Busaiku Knee Kick combination! He hits the ropes, and this time LANDS the big knee kick strike! Inuyasha staggers, but to his toughness, STILL doesn’t go down!*

*Ishigami LEAPS off of Inuyasha and immediately confronts the referee who DIVES out of the squared circle! Kunoi chases the ref INTO the crowd with intentions to kill!*

Ralph: THE REFEREE JUST GOT THE HELL OUT OF DODGE!
Bob: I DON’T BLAME HIM! How on God’s green Earth did Inuyasha kick out of that?!?!!

*The referee escapes through the crowd and into the concession stands… But not to worry, there are still dozens of other referees still recovering on the outside following Inuyasha’s earlier rampage. Kunoi, returning from the crowd, grabs one of those unlucky sons of bitches by the scruff and tosses him into the ring. But when KUNOI gets into the ring, his eyes widen from what he sees… It’s Inuyasha, back in his half-demon form… He may be barely standing, but in his hand is TESSAIGA!*

Kunoi: … LOL FU—

Inuyasha: WIND SCAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The Kaze no Kizu connects! Kunoi flips end over end from the attack! Inuyasha collapses from exhaustion! Both Warriors are on the ground, and the fans are losing their minds!*

Ref: ONE!!!! TWO!!!!! THREE!!!!!!

Bob: BOTH MEN DOWN!!
Ralph: GET ON TOP OF HIM, INUYASHA!! YOU’VE GOT THIS MATCH IN YOUR HANDS! COVER HIM!
Bob: Inuyasha can’t capitalize! The referee is making his ten count! Whoever can make it to their feet is will be the UCTF Grand Champion!

Ref: FOUR!!!! FIVE!!!! SIX!!!!

*Inuyasha and Kunoi are both to their knees…*

Bob: Both men almost back to their feet! Can they make it?!

Ref: SEVEN!!!! EIGHT!!! NINE!!

*The referee is at a nine and half! Both men, using each other for leverage, manage to make it back to their feet! They’re not up for long however, as THE HAND suddenly appears in the ring along with Sasa Dark! The mob DESTROYS both competitors, laying them to waste and RUINING the main event!*

!!DING DING DING DING DING DING!!

Ralph: WHAT IN THE HELL!?!
Bob: SASA DARK, THAT SON OF A BITCH AND HIS GOONS JUST RUINED CYBERSLAM!!

Ref: MR. DARK WHAT IN THE HE—UURRKKK!!

*Before he can finish, the poor referee is unceremoniously tossed out of the squared circle by one of Sasa’s henchmen. Sasa kicks Kunoi across the ring, before turning his attention to Inuyasha. The Dog Demon is stomped right in the throat!*

Sasa: Look at you two idiots. Both of you almost killing each other over what? A trinket made of platinum?! Neither of you are any better than those negro rap artists!

*Sasa stomps him again, before turning his attention to the hard camera.*

Sasa: I can see the bigger picture now. It’s not about fighting for pieces of tin stitched to a hide of leather. And this man I’m about to introduce you all to is responsible for opening my eyes.

Ralph: What in the hell is he talking about?
Bob: I have no idea, but he’s starting to creep me out…

Sasa: Ladies and Gentlemen, the man to whom the UCTF belongs… Welcome back to Anime City… XAAANNTTHHIIUSSSS!!!

Bob and Ralph: WHAT?!?!

*That’s right! The deity that almost destroyed the UCTF several years ago, the deity whom we thought we saw die in the center of the Arena slowly steps out onto the stage. The crowd goes silent in a way that Ex-ECW wrestler Raven would describe as “Japanese Heat”*

Fan: …. Wait… how do we know that’s him?!

Sasa: uhh… what?

Fan: Last time he showed up, he was in possession of William Clarke’s body! Now he looks like… I dunno, like a more evil version of Neal McDonough…

!!ZZZAAARRKTTTT!!

*Showing that he won’t stand for ANY disrespect during his triumphant return, Xanthius IMMEDIATELY absorbs the mouthy fan, leaving nothing more than a pile of clothes sitting in the area where he once stood.*

Xanthius: … Any more questions?

Crowd: AAAAAUUGGHHHH!!!!!!!

*That’s all the fans had to see before immediately going into a crazed panic, even in the commentator’s tower!*

Ralph: Welp BOB, I’m outta here.
Bob: Ralph wait!
Ralph: I’ll see you next week, if there is a next week!

*Seeing hundreds of people attempting to flee the arena at the same time brings a smile to the evil deity’s face. He unleashing another wave of ki, easily engulfing and absorbing everyone attempting to escape through the exits, including our favorite hentai commentator, Ralph Gerrard! In one INSTANT flash, they’re all gone, leaving less than half of the capacity crowd.*

Bob: OH MY GOD!! RALPH!! RALPH NO!

*Slowly making his way down the aisle towards the prone Inuyasha and Kunoi, Xanthius flashes another grin.*

Xanthius: Those who chose to stay where put, I will award your bravery by allowing you to witness my ascension…

*He stops half way, slowly looking up into the night sky. He slowly raises his arm towards the heavens, manifesting an aura of ki around it.*

Xanthius: Speaking of an audience… I think it’s time for you all to show yourselves.

!!KATHOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

*One beam of ki is all it takes to blow a hole clear through the Capsule Helicarrier, that had been hailing the UCTF Arena for the entire night!*

Bob: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! How long has that been there?!

*As the now uncloaked large vehicle makes its emergency descent to the ground, the only one aboard the ship who stands any iota of a chance against Xanthius jettisons himself from the ship.*

Jeice: …

Bob: OH GOD IT’S JEICE! THANK GOD!!

*Not here to play any games, The Orange Crusher dive bombs Xanthius! A massive blast of orange ki engulfs the deity head on! A massive explosion blows the fans still in the arena back several feet! The smoke clears, with Jeice’s fist still attached to Xanthius’ face, which hasn’t moved a single inch from the attack!*

Xanthius: Really? Out of all the people on that ship, they sent YOU to confront me?

Jeice: It’s not the most ideal situation for me either, but you KILLED RALPH!

Xanthius: …who?

*Jeice points towards the commentator’s tower. Bob immediately shrinks down in his seat!**

Bob: Don’t point over here, you idiot!

Jeice: That fat guy who was in the tower! He still owed me twenty bucks!

Xanthius: You’re upset I killed HIM? Listen, Jeice. You still don’t understand what’s going on here. Every person in Anime city… they’re nothing but drones. They were put here with the island to give the illusion that this is a real place. They’re empty husks who think their lives matter.

*Xanthius turns towards Bob, absorbing the commentator right out of his seat.*

Jeice: GODDAMMIT, STOP!

Xanthius: Don’t worry. They’re annihilation will not be in vain. They will live on through me. I shall be their vess—

*Jeice lands another punch on the unsuspecting Xanthius, but immediately regrets it! Xanthius returns the strike, sending the Orange Crusher back first into the side of the ring! The ring itself shifts from the punch, collapsing several feet away from where it originally stood. Tapping into the communicator lodged in his ear, Jeice calls out to his buddy, Xiu.*

Jeice: …Gonna need help here, buddy!

*Back in the heavily damaged warship, Xiu radios back to Jeice.*

Xiu: yeahhhh uhhh… bad news about that. I attempted to contact the The Avengers, the JLA, and every other team I could think of. Turns out, they’re all have their hands full right now.

*Jeice’s heart sinks from the news. There was no plan B for this tonight. If he couldn’t get all of the heroes to converge on Anime City to stop Xanthius, there is nothing else!*

Xanthius: What’s wrong? Didn’t think I’d have planned that far ahead? Now as we speak, my dolls are spread out throughout the multiple versions of this wretched planet warding off any one who may come here to interfere with my moment.

*Jeice backpedals away from the approaching Xanthius.*

Xanthius: Your best bet now, little man, is to step aside.

*More members of The Hand surround Jeice! With the situation direr than it has ever been before, Jeice slowly stands back to his feet. He raises his arms, prepared to go into an unwinnable fight.*

!!POP!!

*The ninjas turn to see one of their own smashed to the ground with a steel folding chair.*

Suicide: It’s just been revoked!

*Conway appears and joins Jeice! From the heavens, Xiu arrives from the helicarrier, blasting back several ninjas of his own!*

Xiu: I don’t have a witty entrance quote.

*The three warriors go back to back to back, preparing to take on the horde of ninjas.*

Xanthius: Sasa. Do something about this. I am starting to become annoyed.

Sasa: RIGHT! HAND. TAKE CARE OF THESE IDIOTS NOW!

*Leaving Dark’s side, the ninjas attack the three last standing members of the UCTF roster! Unfortunately for him, this leaves Sasa unattended, leaving the Korean open to be attacked from behind with a DEVASTATING kidney shot! He hits the ground, nearly paralyzed from pain!*

Sasa: ARRGHHH!!

*He turns, laying his eyes on the last person on planet Earth he wanted to see.*

Yugo: …

*Yugo throws a left hook, transforming into a werewolf mid swing! The punch knocks several teeth right out of Sasa’s mouth! Collapsing to the mat, Dark scrambles towards the ropes, screaming out to HIS benefactor.*

Sasa: OH MY GOD NO! NO!! XANTHIUS!! HELP!

*Xanthius doesn’t even turn his head from the brawl appearing before him.*

Xanthius: no. Your affairs are yours alone to deal with.

Sasa: But our deal!

Xanthius: If you somehow manage to survive tonight, I will grant what you have asked.

*That reassurance gives Sasa a second wind, who delivers a running kick to the balls of Yugo, who completely no sells the attack!*

Sasa: OH SH—

*Yugo responds with a furious haymaker that knocks Dark out of the ring! Sasa is back to his feet the SECOND he lands, scurrying away like a scared dog with Yugo right behind him! Meanwhile, the other UCTF competitors make quick work of the advancing ninja army!*

Xiu: HAAAA!!!

Jeice: HAAAA!!

Suicide: SPIRIT GUN!

*All of the shirukens and swords in the world are no match for pure raw ki blasts! Seeing the ninjas fall swiftly at the hands of Jeice, Xiu and Suicide, Xanthius can only give the trio a small golf clap.*

Xanthius: Congratulations on fighting peons. Now… How about I give you a show of what real TERRIFYING power looks like?

Dimitri: Out of all of the advanced vehicles in Anime City, you picked a Prius?

Lo-Ruhamah: I KNOW I KNOW. HURRY THIS STINKING CAR UP! >=|

Driver: OKAY. OKAY! SHUTUP!

*Across Anime City, Lo-Ruhamah and his new tag team partner Dimitri are in the back of an uber taxi, hauling ASS as far away from the Arena as possible!*

Xanthius: heh… heh… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! So this is it?! This is the group of fighters that stand between me and controlling every facet of reality in the palm of my hands? A few anime character rejects, clones, half-breed demons and a wrestler who is thirty years out of his prime? I almost feel sorry for all of you.

*Xanthius’ eyes flash red as he begins to unleash his demonic prowess! The UCTF competitors prepare for his eventual attack!*

Xanthius: I gave you all a chance to stand aside. I was going to allow you all to live! You all would have been excellent subjects in my new kingdom… but now… after I’m done with you all, no one will even know you existed!!

*The Arena itself begins to shake…*

Fan: YOU GUYS GOT THIS!!! MAKE HIM PAY, JEICE!!!

*Jeice turns to the fans who, even though certain DOOM is within seconds, have decided to stay and give their support to the rag tag group of heroes. He decides… HE WANTS TO WIN.*

Jeice: THIS IS IT GUYS. WE MAKE OUR FINAL STAND HERE.

*The Crusher begins to raise his battle power!*

Jeice: UCTF!!! ATTACK!!

*The roster rush Xanthius from every angle, unleashing their most powerful attacks right out of the gate! Xanthius eats the attacks head on, sending a shockwave of his own back into the heroes as if he’s swatting away insects!*

!!THOOM!!

Sasa: ARRGGHHHH!!!

*Backstage, another punch sends Sasa into a wall! Yugo slowly approaches, enjoying every brutal strike he gets to land on his former boss.*

Sasa: WAIT… WAIT… YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND YUGO. LET M—

!!THUMP!!

*Ogami knocks him several feet away with another punch!*

Yugo: …

Sasa: GODDAMMIT YUGO STOP HITTING ME! It IS Alice you want, right?! Just hear me out! You can have her! I was just us—

!!KABLAOW!!

*After being sent through a window from another punch, Sasa FINALLY realizes he won’t be able to talk his way out of his. He now goes into a full sprint, towards the Presidential office where Reiji and Alice are awaiting him.*

Sasa: REIJI!!!! HELP!!

!!KATHOOOOOOOOOM!!

*Back in the arena, Xanthius has launched his counter attack on the UCTF Superstars! The shockwave sent the competitors scattered across the arena, allowing the deity to pick off each fighter one by one!*

Xanthius: YOU ARE FIRST.

*Miko Mido is the first victim of Xanthius!*

Miko: AOI TATSUM—

*He grabs her out of her attack by the FACE, slamming the half-breed demon THROUGH the concrete flooring of the Arena!*

Xanthius: Shut your mouth, whore!

Xamot: MEGALADON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Blindsided by Xamots most powerful attack, the very move that eliminated Crucifix earlier in the pay per view, Xanthius WALKS through the massive beam of ki energy, taking the demon from the bamboo forests of Japan out with a single blow!*

*The distracted Xanthius feels the full brunt of their combined attacks! *

Xanthius: YARRRRGHHHHHH—-HAHAHAHAHA… JUST KIDDING!

*IT HAS NO EFFECT!*

Xanthius: MY TURN!!!

*He Kiai shouts, unleashing a single massive pillar of ki that takes out everything in its path! When the smoke clears, Xanthius is the only one still standing… fans and fighters alike are spread out all over the Arena, completely and embarrassingly defeated.*

Xanthius: … I can’t believe I’m saying his, but I’m honestly disappointed. I was expecting a far better fight from you all.

*He shakes his head in disgust*

Xanthius: Oh, how far this place has fallen. Heh.

*He looks around at the carnage he has caused, giving a nostalgic sigh.*

Xanthius: To believe at one point in time, the level of power that this building once possessed intimidated me. I had to watch for years, waiting, biding my time… But now… This can only be considered a mercy killing.

*And just like that, Xanthius easily dispatches the UCTFers valiant, yet vain attempt at stopping him, and he did it without breaking a sweat. It’s obvious that he has power has grown exponentially since their last encounter with him. They never had a chance. Slowly, the deity stalks the downed leader of the resistance, Jeice, who is desperately trying to pull something out of his pocket.*

Xanthius: This is it, alien. No more tricks. No more games. Your life ends here.

Jeice: WAIT… WAIT. Please… ten more seconds. I need to do something.

*From his pocket comes a cell phone. Xanthius looks bewildered as Jeice frantically punches in digits on his phone.*

Jeice: H..hey Ahmed. Yeah it’s Jeice. So uhh… I’m about to die here in a few seconds and I just wanted to call and tell you… I love you man! ……….. No… No I’m not a slack-jawed faggot, Ahmed. HETERO-love! You know what, forget it!

*Jeice crushes the phone and tosses its remains as Xanthius’ hand glows with dark purple ki.*

Jeice: Welp… had a good run. I wonder how Guldo and the guys are doing in hell.

*Closing his eyes, awaiting for his end to come, Jeice suddenly feels an enormous ki racing towards the battlefield. He reopens his eyes, and Xanthius has turned his attention completely away from him. He feels it too.*

Xanthius: That power…

Jeice: Well well well… he decided not to be a coward after all.

*Everyone turns their head towards the skies. He’s here.*

Xanthius: I was beginning to wonder when you’d show up, Mr. President.

Vegeta: …

*FINALLY, The former President of the UCTF, Prince Vegeta is back in the UCTF Arena. The fans who haven’t seen him since the last incident stand to their feet, giving the first Grand Champion a massive ovation! All hope has NOT been lost.*

Vegeta: Citizens of Anime City. Leave this building right now if you want to live.

*The fans hear Vegeta’s request, but remember what Xanthuis did to the last set of unlucky bastards who tried to evacuate.*

Vegeta: LEAVE. NOW.

*THIS time they get the point, and begin to make a b-line for the exits! Xanthius raises his hand to absorb the insubordinate capacity crowd, but Vegeta damn near TELEPORTS in front of him. The speed of the Saiyan startles him. Xanthius takes a half a step backwards.*

Vegeta: … Jeice.

*The Saiyan tosses a pouch to the Orange Crusher, who barely manages to catch it.*

Jeice: Please tell me this is what I think it is!

Vegeta: It is. Get them out now.

*They’re SENZU BEANS. Everyone’s favorite Deux Ex Machina in the form of a legume! Xanthius sizes Vegeta up as the two have an intense stare down in the center of the Arena.*

Xanthius: There’s something different about you, Saiyan… I can feel the presence of a God residing deep within your soul…

Vegeta: …You’re not leaving this Arena alive, Xanthius.

*Xanthius smiles, having heard this exact thing just a few minutes earlier. It resulted in an embarrassing defeat of the UCTF warriors.*

Vegeta: But unfortunately, it won’t be by my hand. One of your kind granted me a small sliver of your world, but I’ve been unable to understand how to use this ki. I am unable to access the ki that I once had. I can only bring life to this world now.

Xanthuis: HAHAHAHA… so what are you saying? You came all this way NOT to fight? Then WHO is going to stand in my way, Saiyan?

*Jeice rushes to the aid of the two who need them the most, Inuyasha and Kunoi Ishigami! The Hanyou and Destroyer are back to their feet within seconds, and fully healed! Several other UCTFers begin to stand to their feet as well. Xanthius turns to Inuyasha, the dog demon he already defeated days ago.*

Xanthius: HIM? I hate to tell you, Saiyan, but his parlor tricks with that sword have already failed against me.

Vegeta: No, it won’t be him… ISHIGAMI!

Kunoi: ?!

Vegeta: This is Xanthuis. He was the one conspiring with Sasa Dark all along to make your life a living hell. Plus he probably helped William Clarke best you in battle back in 2002. Do me a favor. Punch Xanthius in the mouth.

*He’s confused over what’s happening, but hearing that causes something inside of Ishigami’s head to SNAP Ken Shamrock style!*

Kunoi: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

*Going full first, the raging Destroyer plants a BIG palm strike across the face of Xanthius that not only hurts the deity, but knocks him on his ass!*

Xanthius: What the… I… I don’t understand.

Vegeta: I’d like to introduce you to our very own power dampener, Kunoi Ishigami.

Jeice: UCTF! ATTACK HIM NOW! THIS IS OUR CHANCE!

*The renewed warriors of the UCTF quickly convene on Xanthius with Jeice leading the charge!*

Jeice: ROUND TWO, MOTHERFUCKER!!

Xanthius: no…!!!

*He’s attacked from EVERY direction! Thanks to Ishigami, Xanthius feels himself weaken with each passing second! Suddenly, attacks that he shrugged off only a few moments earlier are doing serious damage! The veterans attack together, unleashing a relentless assault of their strongest attacks!*

Miko: AOI TATSUM—

Xamot: MEGALADO—

Suicide: SPIRIT GUN—

Jeice: CRUSHER BALL—

Inuyasha: WIND SCARRRRRRRRRR!!!

*Xanthius is POUNDED into the arena with a constant battering of blasts!*

Xanthuis: This can’t be happening! I planned for every scenario!!

*He is Choke Sleeper Suplexed by Kunoi! Now in a heap, he is the one backpedaling away from the UCTF Superstars!*

Xanthius: ARRGHHH!! NO!! NO I WON’T ALLOW THIS!

*He begins to concentrate as hard as he can, sending his thoughts into every end of the multiverse!*

!!MY DOLLS… I NEED YOU NOW IN ANIME CITY. HURRY!!

*Halting their attack throughout the infinite Earths of the multiverse, Xanthius’ army of dolls turn their attention toward their master. Several dozens of wormholes begin to open around Anime City. Hulking beasts climb through them, all aimed at the UCTF Arena!*

–Poad’s Bar—

Sano: Guys, are you seeing this?

*The patrons inside the city’s most famous bar put down their glasses of alcohol and watch the army of MASSIVE biological soldiers invade the city!*

Poad: This is the big one…

*At the Masenka Apartment complex, the La Blue Girls observe from the top of the apartment building.*

Fubuki: You guys ready?

Yakuu: Let’s do it.

*On top of the Capsule Corp Helicarrier…*

Julia: PROTECT THE ARENA AT ALL COSTS!

!!POFF!!

*William Clarke climbs into a capsule vehicle, preparing to join the battle.*

Julia: Clarke! Where do you think you’re going! My instructions are to keep you safe!

William: Inuyasha and I have fought one of those things before. There’s nowhere on Earth that’s safe. I’m going to the Arena. I want to see Xanthius’ face one last time before it’s over.

*William blasts off through Anime City, flying through a literal city-wide brawl between Heroes and Villains of the UCTF’s past battling it out with the rampaging dolls in the streets!*

!!FLOOOM!!

Andre Tau: KEEP ON THEM, COUNTDOWN! DON’T LET THEM MAKE IT TO THE ARENA!

Countdown: alright, alright… You don’t have to be so bossy, Tau!

Garshrink: STAND ASIDE, I’M GOING TO TAKE THEM ALL OUT IN ONE ATTACK!

AT-Chan: Not before I tweak their noses to death, bubbios!!

*Running past them, Jin Saotome flees the scene!*

Jin: AAAHHHH!!!! ;_;!!!!

Mercy Marks: God… that guy is such a little bitch!

*Yep, had to get at least one of them in!*

!!KAPAOWWWW!!!

*Knocked through the door of the presidential office, Sasa Dark comes to rest at the feet of Reiji The Cro, who freaks out when he sees Yugo Ogami, his biggest rival, standing right in front of him.*

Sasa: WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT! GET HIM!!!

Reiji: CAWWWW!!!!!!!

*An angry Yugo Ogami, compounded with the fact that he’s still recovering from the beating he took at the hands of Suicide, Reiji does not last more than a SECOND in this fight. Yugo ducks a wild swing, punishing his rival with a powerful uppercut to the gut! Reiji immediately collapses from the blow and is tossed aside!*

Sasa: OH GOD! OH GOD NO! Here! Take her! Just take her and get the hell out of here!

*Sasa SHOVES Alice into the arms of Yugo, which for a second, eases the path of rage that was headed in his direction. Yugo stares into the eyes of his beloved, and he doesn’t see anything. It’s almost as if she’s soulless. THIS PISSES HIM OFF EVEN MORE!*

Yugo: …HAAAAAA!!!

!!THOOM!!

*An overhand right knocks Sasa into the wall! His body collides into the desk, triggering a button that activates the office cameras. Back in the Grand Arena, the Jumbotron displays all of the action inside the Presidential office, prompting the fight to suddenly cease.*

Kunoi: …Sasa.

Sasa: WAIT YUGO. PLEASE… PLEASE. I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT. HE JUST WANTED YOU FIGHTERS TO BE OUT OF HIS WAY SO HE COULD GET BACK TO UNIVERSE ZERO OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT’S CALLED! HE TOLD ME HE’D GIVE ME MY OWN PLANET! PLANET KOREA!

*PLANET KOREA?! The absurdity of the remark enrages Yugo even more! He draws back to strike, but Alice grabs his arm! Dozens of Hand ninjas appear in the office and leap onto Yugo!*

Sasa: YES. OH THANK GOD YES! KILL THIS JAPANESE SON OF A BITCH!! KILL HIM!

*Back in the Arena, Kunoi witnesses the entire confrontation…*

Kunoi: ….

Vegeta: Kunoi, we need you here! Yugo will have to take care of himself!

Kunoi: … p… PLANET KOREA. NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL!!!

*Ishigami could give two shits about Yugo Ogami, he won’t let “Planet Korea” happen under his watch! He SPRINTS towards the Presidential Office, leaving the other competitors behind to deal with the now unimpeded Xanthius!*

Xanthuis: heh… heh… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

!!KATHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!

Jeice: AWWW SHIT!!!

*Kunoi’s absence allows Xanthuis to access his full godly powers once more! Blasting his opponents back, he flies to the center of the arena, reciting the ancient incantation needed to convert the UCTF Arena itself into a transportation hub into Universe Zero!*

Xanthuis: It was a decent try, Saiyan, but it wasn’t enough… Say goodbye to everything you know, for we are on the precipice of my Utopia!

*Inuyasha attacks!*

Inuyasha: WIND SCAR!!

*The Kaze no Kizu is smacked away, sending Tessaiga flying out of Inuyasha’s hands! Xanthius punches the Hanyou in the gut, powering a ki attack that sends the dog demon packing!*

Xanthius: Don’t you IDIOTS know when you have been beaten?!

*Vegeta latches on from behind!*

Vegeta: DESTROY THE ARENA EVERYONE. NOW!

*It’s their last hope! The roster begin blasting away at the Arena itself in attempt to destroy Xanthius’ means to escape! Outside, the fighting stops as everyone watches the famed UCTF Arena beginning to crumble from the inside.*

Yugo: Alice… WAKE UP!

*Yugo takes the brunt of Alice’s attacks, REFUSING to fight back, trying desperately to awaken The Rabbit from the clutches of The Hand’s brainwashing!*

Sasa: Alice, FINISH him off so we can get the hell out of here. This place is going to collapse soon!

!!BLAOW!!

*Kunoi punches THROUGH a wall, landing a palm strike that knocks Alice out in one blow!*

Yugo: ISHIGAMI, WHAT THE HELL?!

Kunoi: Get her and get out of here.

*Seeing the look in his eyes, Yugo doesn’t argue. He grabs the unconscious Alice and flees the area as the support beams in the Arena grow weaker. Ishigami attacks the remaining members of The Hand with stiff knees and elbows, sending the ninjas flying across the room! It’s within seconds that he is alone with Sasa Dark. The benefactor slowly edges towards the desk, where he has a pistol waiting for him in the opened drawer.*

Kunoi: Planet Korea…?

Sasa: … Kunoi, don’t do anything you will regret!

Kunoi: Regret? Look outside the window, Sasa. It’s the end of the world.

*Sasa lungs for the gun, only to have his neck SNAPPED from Kunoi’s most powerful Gamengiri kick he could muster! Sasa’s body is lifeless before it even hits the ground. Ishigami stands above his corpse silently, ruminating over what he just did.*

Kunoi: …yep. No regrets at all.

*Xanthius HEADBUTTS Vegeta, not once, not twice, but three times! The third is all the Saiyan can take! His grip loosens before he is knocked away with an invisible blast of ki!*

Xanthius: Aaaaand that’s about it. I’ll give you all the respect you’re due. You made me work for this moment.

*Xanthuis raises his arms in into the white hot abyss above him – the passage way into Universe Zero. He can feel himself being lifted through the wormhole on his way to his destiny.*

William: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

!!SCCHHHLUNNNKKKK!!!

*Out of NOWHERE, William Clarke, armed with Inuyasha’s own Tessaiga, runs the blade right through Xanthius’ chest! That split second – that precise moment when the God’s guard was down was all William needed to attack the deity from behind! Xanthius IMMEDIATELY vomits blood, but has enough strength to knock William away!*

Xanthius: CLARKEEE!!!!

*Vegeta catches the falling William, carrying him away from the Arena*

Vegeta: JEICE!! DO IT NOW!!

*Drawing EVERYTHING he has left, Jeice unleashes the SHIN-Crusher Ball on the weakened Arena! The UCTF roster gets the hell out of dodge!*

Jeice: SHIN… CRUSHER… BALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

*The MASSIVE ball of energy engulfs the Arena, and within a blink of an eye, the centerpiece of Anime City is no more. The UCTF Arena crumbles, leaving nothing more than a crater in the center of the city. The passageway to Universe Zero closes, and instantaneously, Xanthius’ dolls go lifeless at once. They collapse to the ground as nothing more than husks of flesh.*

Vegeta: … We did it.

*Vegeta and William land on the outside of what used to be the UCTF Complex as more citizens of Anime City gather around. For a few moments, everyone stands around in a deafening silence, before unleashing a city wide roar of celebration that Xanthius has FINALLY been defeated.*

Suicide: You sure we got him?

Vegeta: I can’t feel a trace of his ki, Conway. His dolls are no more. It’s over.

*Out of nowhere, Inuyasha snatches William up by the collar. He’s got a bone to pick with the kid from Brooklyn, NYC!*

Inuyasha: HEY, CLARKE. WHAT THE HELL?! USING TESSAIGA?! I CAN’T EVEN SENSE IT ANYMORE!

Vegeta: It got caught in the passageway just before the Arena was destroyed… It could literally be anywhere in the endless seas of alternate Earths. I’m Sorry, Inuyasha.

*Hearing this, Inuyasha nearly shits his robe of the fire rat!*

Inuyasha: w..what?!?!!?

William: I’m sorry, Inuyasha. I had to do something. You have no idea what he took from me.

*Ric Austin lumbers past Inuyasha, getting in Jeice’s face*

Ric: SCREW THAT DUMB SWORD! Kunoi just got killed in that blast! Someone needs to crown me the UCTF Grand Champion! There’s no way in hell he’s going to be able to defend the belt next week!

Jeice: …r …really? There IS no next week, you idiot! IT’S OVER! Plus, Kunoi made it out of the building. Look over there. He’s making out with Miko Mido.

Jeice: THE WAY IT IS, AS HOW IT USED TO BE!! LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE! DON’T CHANGE A THING! AND I’LL HOLD YOU HERE IN MY MEMORY!!

Bryan: Worse than the time I got tortured.

Ryu Kaisa: Yeah, but is it worse than the time Switch got kidnapped and r—

Bryan: SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

*Vegeta turns to the crowd of people…*

Vegeta: The UCTF brought us together, and through the years, made us all stronger warriors. It pushed us to levels none of us ever thought were possible through our struggles in and out of the UCTF Arena. It’s over now. Remember the good times that were had in this building, but it’s time to go home and live your lives.

*The Saiyan stops his speech when he sees that no one is paying attention to him, but the sky behind him. Looking behind him, Vegeta sees that the sky itself seems to be cracking like an egg. White light begins to break through the night skies, as if reality itself is changing around them.*

Jeice: Uhh… Vegeta… what the hell is going on?

*The entire island – no, the entire PLANET begins to tremble in fear as the sky begins to collapse around them.*

Vegeta: He did it… I don’t know how, but he made it to Universe Zero…

Jeice: What?! We watched him DIE, Vegeta!

Vegeta: … We’ve lost.

*Vegeta barely manages to get the words from his lips before everything around them turns completely white.*

-Five Years Later –
-Earth Designation 0910-

*Sitting high atop his throne, Xanthius watches the world below him— his utopia. He finally accomplished his goal. He is now the supreme ruler of the Universe.*

Xanthius: Report.

Guard: There have been several reports that Vegeta has been spotted near zone 1998. Sir, should we dispatch the dolls to handle this?

Xanthius: Negative. I need him alive. Send as many units to that area as needed, but make sure he comes back unharmed.

Guard: Yes sir!

*The fleet or armed guards take off towards Vegeta’s last known location. Leaning back in his throne, the annoyed Xanthius grabs a hold of Tessaiga, the very blade that almost did him in half a decade ago. He remembers back on those events with a sneer on his face.*

—Five years Earlier—
—Universe Zero—

*Tarot, Tobias and Xahji, all former Presidents of the UCTF, lay slaughtered before the feet of Xanthuis, now welding the power of Tessaiga. The only one who stands in his way now is Akakios, the sole protector of Universe Zero.*

Xanthius: It has been a long time, old friend.

Akakios: ARRRGGHHH!!!

*Easily over powering the God, Xanthius lifts him into the air by his throat. Akakios, feeling his essence absorbed from his body, can only laugh.*

Xanthius: I shouldn’t even ask, but why, at the moment of your greatest defeat that has been eons in the making, decide now to laugh?

Akakios: B… because, even though you are nearly omnipotent, you have forgotten the basics of mathematics.

*The evil deity doesn’t know how to take it, but he’s interested in hearing what Akakios has to say before erasing him from existence.*

Xanthius: Go on.

Akakios: You have now defeated FIVE of the elder Gods, Xanthius. There were seven of us. You… you have missed—

*He’s right. Akakios, the old bastard was right. Xanthius had forgotten one of the Gods. But what does it matter? With the powers of nearly the entire pantheon coursing through his body, who is there to stop him.*

Xanthius: It’s over, old friend. I’m sure you can feel your life shrinking with every passing moment. Now please… who is The Seventh?

*Akakios beings LAUGHING!*

Akakios: I don’t know, Xanthius. I willingly gave up my memories of who that person was just in case this moment ever came to pass. They don’t even know who they are. All I was left was a tiny minutia of ki that I passed onto the Saiyan. It is up to him to find The Seventh, whoever they may be… and once he does, Xanthius, no matter how much power you have obtained, when The Seventh God is awakened: You… Will… Be finished.

*Xanthius suddenly remembers the massive amount of ki that Vegeta possessed in their final battle. It shook him to his core…*

*And in an instant, Xanthius devours Akakios godly powers into his own.*

—PRESENT—

Guard: Lord Xanthius, It’s not good, Vegeta just took out our entire unit!

Xanthius: GODDAMMIT!!

*Crushing the communication device, Xanthius has had enough of this! He should be CELEBRATING. He won! But the last words of Akakios has haunted him for five years. Who is The Seventh?! Where is the Seventh!?! Xanthius mind races!*

Xanthius: ENOUGH!!!

*It has weighed down on the God for years, and now he has decided there is only ONE way to draw The Seventh out… With a mere thought – a mere synapse of his brain — a new version of Anime City is created right before him instantaneously! In the center of the island stands the UCTF Arena, more intimidating than before. A coliseum befitting of a God!*

Kid: HEY, EVERYONE GET TO THE TV! SOMETHING IS HAPPENING!

*On the streets, various people rush to TV to see Xanthius, sitting high above the UCTF arena, with his arms crossed.*

Xanthius: …

*The deity looks right into the screen, a sight that is broadcast throughout every form of media in every version of Earth. He wants everyone to hear this.*

Xanthius: You have one last opportunity to stop me. Do you hear me? I’m giving you all one final chance to put me in my place. I am a fighting God. But if you want to defeat me, there is one thing you will have to do. You will have to win a little game of mine. One of you will have to win the Ultimate Crossover Tournament.