"Mommy, is that water a swimming pool? Why is that lady crying in the swimming pool?"

"Dad, is that little boy going to find his parents? Are his parents dead?"

And most frightening of all for local children: "Is that going to happen to me?"

Natural disasters can be particularly scary for a child because they're uncontrollable and involve a loss of control, according to therapists and guidance counselors. Kids in Hampton Roads -- who have lived through hurricanes or at least hurricane warnings -- might be even more anxious.

Advice for helping them cope varies widely by age, maturity level and parenting style. But experts say a good general guideline is to answer questions honestly but to remember that what kids really want is to feel less helpless, said Vanessa Whitaker, supervisor of school counseling for Newport News public schools.

So, Whitaker said, children should hear about post-storm relief efforts and about all the people in their world -- their parents, local police and fire officials, the American Red Cross, the National Guard and even meteorologists with storm-tracking tools -- who are working hard to protect them.

"What most kids want is not a lot of detail about what happened but to know, 'Am I going to be safe?' " Whitaker said. "Many parents' first instinct is to say that nothing bad like that will ever happen here, but it's not wise to make promises you can't control."

School counselors say they're ready to help students who bring up concerns and that they'll be proactive with kids who have relatives affected by the storm or who seem overly anxious at home. Principals also expect creative fundraisers to pop up once students adjust to the first days of a new school year.

"This week needs to be mainly about getting them started on a new adventure," said Penny Petersen, head of guidance for Hampton public schools. "If it comes up, however, certainly we'll take the time to talk about it."

TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT KATRINA

For parents struggling with the subject at home, here are some tips from Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters and other groups:

* Children 5 and younger generally aren't aware of the tragedy. Don't bring up the subject unless they do and then answer questions in the simplest terms. For example, describe that "swimming pool" as "a lot of water from rain."

* After age 7 or 8, children will begin to realize that adults can't protect them from death. Again, listen carefully for specific concerns and follow their lead. Reassure them that you have seen many storms come and go. If they bring up a fear of getting lost, tell them you'd look for them everywhere.

* From late elementary school on, and especially with teenagers, start a conversation with, "I know you're hearing and seeing a lot about what's happening. How does it make you feel?" React to what they say rather than trying to prepare a big speech in advance. Make sure they know it's normal to feel scared and sad.

* Limit the amount of time spent watching the news. Young kids might not understand that repeated images are from a single tragedy. And if they see parents glued to televisions, they might think the storm is coming here.

* Be careful what you say to other adults in front of children. They'll pick up more than you think.

* Help kids find and participate in a relief effort or prayer service to take away some feelings of helplessness. Students at St. Andrew's Episcopal School in Newport News have included storm victims in their prayers at daily chapel services. "It allows kids to show their compassion and concern, which is an important lesson and a source of comfort," said Margaret Moore, head of the private elementary school.

* Finally, be aware that children might have trouble eating or sleeping in the days right after the storm. But if that's still true after two weeks, or if a child has symptoms of extreme irritability, weepiness, lethargy and fear of normal activities, call a pediatrician for advice. *