Hunter Pence has a patella tendon strain and won’t play until this weekend. Though, more likely, he’s not playing much more in the regular season. Don’t you love H2H leagues? What I don’t understand is how you can fantasy baseball, which is a shizzload more intensive than fantasy football, then leave the end of the season up to luck like it’s fantasy football. I enjoy my one or two H2H leagues, but only because I have ten roto leagues to offset the silly luck factor of H2H. You draft a great team, then your first 5 round picks are sitting out in the finals of H2H? Don’t tell me injuries happen in real baseball playoffs, so this simulates that. Real baseball is played over 162 games, not week to week on who has, say, the most Holds. So I like H2H, but don’t make as if its playoff system makes sense. As for Pence, find someone else to fill in p to the ronto. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Todd Helton – Unlikely to return this season with back issues. It’s probably because when he sits on his bottom, his back can go to the top of its slide. Helton Skelton!

Eric Young Jr. – 2-for-4 with his 24th steal and 3rd steal in his last 4 games. Sure, Rockies, now play Young like he’s a rookie scrub who you’re just feeling out, unsure if he can play in the majors. I hate the Rockies. Today I’m officially starting the trade Eric Young Jr. to the Twins Campaign. Gardy will let Young play and run and the M in MI in MN stands for mess. All money donated to the site will not go to the Eric Young Jr. to the Twins Campaign, but we can pretend it will.

Phil Hughes – Scratched from Wednesday’s start with back issues. I hope he returned the favor to Brian Cashman. That’s how the world works, Phil!

Robinson Cano – Hit his 12th HR in the 2nd half to go along with an AVG near .320. Imagine how much better those stats would be if it weren’t for the HR Derby Win jinx!

Wandy Rodriguez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. In case The Wandwagon isn’t mentioned next week, I just want to say with his 3.51 ERA and decent Ks (164 in 184 2/3 IP) he’s proven once again to be a serviceable fantasy starter without the flash. You’re blue collar, Wandy, and for that I respect you.

Josh Beckett – 7 1/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. Done in by two HRs by Mark Reynolds. Maybe Godot had the scouting report on how to get him out.

Anthony Bass – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K in Coors. I’m seriously considering doing a weekly podcast next year and, if I do, the first order of business will be finding someone to compose a Hodgepadre song. In related news, the Rockies are really phoning it in this September.

Tommy Hunter – Left his start with a strained groin. Wouldn’t wanna be near his colander.

John Mayberry Jr. – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and a slam & legs. Yes, the Phillies are phoning it in even worse than the Rockies, but the good thing about a team phoning it in is they’ll play guys like Mayberry every day.

Wilson Ramos – 3-for-3 with his 2nd homer in his last three games. Okay, pop quiz, hotshot! Who’s gonna be more valuable next year, Wilson Ramos or Jesus Montero? Laughably obvious? Or is it?

Brett Lawrie – Out for the year with a fractured finger. First, House doesn’t win at the Emmys, now this.

Dan Haren – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Might miss his last start after being hit by a liner on the wrist. His owners get pist.

Peter Bourjos – 3-for-4 with the slam & legs. Now has 12 homers and 22 steals. Next year he might be my number one “Get this guy in every league” guy. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him get to 15 homers and 40 steals. He’s gonna be Stubbs without the .240 average.

Vernon Wells – 2-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Hey, all you need is a short term hot schmotato and at least I’m not recommending Derrek Lee. Oh, wait, a second…

Derrek Lee – 3-for-4 with a homer. Now has three homers in the last 8 days. Grey’s recommending Derrek Lee again, there goes the neighborhood.

Ross Ohlendorf – 2 IP, 7 ER. Now has given up 31 earned runs in 33 and a 1/3 innings with a 1.99 WHIP. Swollendwarf!

Lucas Duda – Left yesterday’s game due to dizziness after crashing into the right field wall. Forget about moving the fences in, the Mets should move the fences back.

Ubaldo Jimenez – 7 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. This doesn’t have much to do with fantasy baseball (like Swollendwarf does), but does anyone else get the feeling that the Ubaldo deadline trade is gonna be one that the Indians look back on in ten years and regret?

Travis Hafner – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games. Pick him up and think about the fun you can have at the end of the season when someone looks at your roster and you have Derrek Lee, Vernon Wells and Hafner. When they ask you how’d you win, you can freak them out by telling them it’s really 2006 and you hope Bob Barker hosts The Price Is Right forever.

Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. I’m sure you’ll hear more about this when we go over our teams in the offseason, but after we inexplicably dropped Vazquez from our LABR team he’s put up 137 innings, 2.89 ERA, 1.02 WHIP, 9 Wins and 126 Ks. Pretty much would’ve been leading our team from that point on. He’s also been the topic of more discussion on IM between Rudy and I than maybe any other player. Usually goes like this, “F**king Vazquez!” “I know.” “Seriously, f**k him!” “I hate his face.”

Logan Morrison – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games. He’s just lucky the minor league season is over so he can’t be demoted.

Brandon Phillips – 3-for-4 with his 12th steal. Yesterday, he said the Reds would not receive a “homeboy hookup” with his final contract. Walt Jocketty volleyed back that he just wants to “pay a man his worth and keep it on the heezy.” Phillips then replied through his translator, Barbara Billingsley, that, “The heezy is for sure, but Beezy needs to get the deezy or else he’s gonna Cherokee fade this piece.”

A bit distraught over Lawrie’s early exit from my Finals lineup that ends on Sunday! What a memorable fine grab he’s been. Afraid he’ll be the hot 2B in ’12. Trying to keep my chin up and replace with one of your noted fill-ins (can juggle positions). I could use overall production, maybe a decent avg. and chipping in an SB or three would be a bonus. Reimold, Wells, Mayberry, EYJ, Kipnis, Mayberry, Morer, A. Jackson, Espinosa…any look better than another? Thanks.

So how much of a team can you fill up with fish-themed players? Right off the bat (pun point!), you’ve got Carp, Trout, and Bass. I’d say you can include Jason Bay and Dan, Tim and Kyle Hudson (but not Vernon Wells–the first two bodies of water contain fish, the other better not) and maybe one of the Thames (whichever one pronounces his name like the river). If you push it a bit, your catcher could be Pierzynski (Where do you fish from? The pier, Zynski.), and maybe you could have Wilson “Exxon” Valdez (he sure killed a lot of fish). Jerry Sands and Brandon Beachy seem a close enough fit (again, pushing it a bit). Possibly Chris Ray (as in “manta”). That’s 12 players right there. Anyone I’m missing? Or does no one else care about this obscure endeavor?

Who do you like least out of Penny (v BAL-TBD), Wells (@ STL-Jackson), W. Davis (v TOR-Cecil) and Cecil (@ TB-Davis)?

I’m thinking of loading up on guys going Sunday as I blow through the Yahoo IP limit. It would mean I miss Javy’s last start, but my league’s full of people picking up SP a day or two in advance, so if I lock the Sunday starters up in the next day or so I should have a leg up, and it seems like overall there are some good matchups that day (as well as more certainty as to who’s starting and playing than if I were to pull this strategy later in the week). Looking for W and K, ratios are pretty much set at this point.

I just wanted to say excellent call on Javier Vazquez a few weeks ago! I picked him up at the start of my league’s playoffs, and he has given me 36 innings with 1 run, 23 baserunners, 5 W’s and 5 QS’s. With all my injuries on offense he has literally been my fantasy MVP this year.

@Yo Momma So Uggla: yeah but you can’t say too much about the trade til A) we see pomeranz throw more B) we see a full year of Ubaldo in cleveland…. he had that one stellar half in colorado and other than that he’s been ery mediocre so i do agree it doesn’t look good, but its not like when they went out and got him they were buying high, he was having a very below avg yr.

@ grey: really the 5th round on desmond jennings next year? I just got burnt on heyward this year, not really wanting to get burnt again… i know desmonds the reason they let Carl go, and he’s “supposed to be a stud”, but 5th round? I’d rather grab a guy there with a little more past to reference. I can see him putting up 20/40 next year, but then again wasn’t Heyward supposed to do something similar to that this year? ughhh young bucks.

@Grey: cargo put up similar numbers in a short amt of time before his breakout year last year and he went around the 9th-10th ish round in drafts…. but then again everyone knows jennings and the hype will run up his draft value…. im sure.