When you see a fortune cookie, it’s not the cookie you’re craving, it’s the fortune. I mean, there are plenty of baked desserts but how many of them can reveal your future? Or the lack of it? Some of these messages, however, are so surprising, they catch people completely off-guard. Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the funniest phrases ever found in fortune cookies to prove that Confucius isn’t behind all of them.

From rude insults to questionable dares, the people who discovered these messages definitely had a hard time swallowing them. Scroll down to read the hilarious list and upvote your favorite entries!