Peace and Welcome! This blog is intended to be a manifestation of my thoughts and reflections on articles or topics I find inspiring. All of this, God willing, is formed with a pure intention to be a part of the Quest for the Divine...Sisters and Brothers, let's blog on!

Bismillah!

Friday, February 29, 2008

Wanna Get Married? Here's Some Advice :)

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whoseparents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriageproposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it wasbecoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else inmind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man wouldalways say "She's not the one!"

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Whichwas hard to find)? However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meeta girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask eachother questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to askfirst. The young girl asked the young man soooo many questions. She askedabout his life, his education, his friends, his family , his habits, hishobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences.Basically everything.

And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, andpolitely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, overan hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man, "Do you have any questions?" The young man said, "It's okay. I only have 3 questions."

The young girl thought, "Wow, only 3 questions. Okay, shoot."

The young man's first question was:

1) Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing wouldever overcome?

She said, "This is an easy question. my mother."

He smiled.

The second question he asked was:

2) "You said that you read a lot of Qur'an, could you tell me which surahsyou know the meaning of?"

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, "I do not know themeaning of any yet, but i am hoping to soon. InshAllah. I've just been a bitbusy."

The third question the young man asked was:

3) I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that areprettier than you, why should I marry you?

Hearing this the young girl was outraged. She stormed off to her parentswith fury and said, "I do not want to marry this man. He is insulting mybeauty and intelligence."

And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without anagreement of marriage. This time, the young man's parents were really angry,and said, "What did you do to anger that girl? The family were so nice andpleasant and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask thegirl?? Tell us! "

The young man said," Firstly, I asked her, 'Who do you love the most?' Shesaid her mother."The parents said "So, what is wrong with that??"The young man said, "No one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and hisMessenger(SAW) more than anyone else in the world.If a woman loves Allah andthe Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) more than anyone, she willlove me and respect me, and stay faithfulto me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). And we can share thislove, because this love is greater than lust for beauty."

The young man said, "Then I asked, 'You read a lot of Qur'an, can you tellme the meaning of any surah?' She said 'No. because I haven't had time yet.'So I thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who haveknowledge." She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seekknowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, andresponsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to benegligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best ofteachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for herhusband."

The third question I asked her was that a lot of girls prettier than her,had approached me for marriage. Why should I choose her? That is why shestormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said "That is a horrible thing to say, why would youdo such a thing? We are going back there to apologise."

The young man said. "I said this on purpose, to test whether she couldcontrol her anger. The Prophet(SAW) said "Do not get angry, do not getangry, do not angry" when asked how to become pious because anger is fromSatan. If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has justmet, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband?"

So, the moral of this story is that a marriage is based on knowledge, notlooks, practice, not preaching, forgiveness, not anger spiritual love, notlust and compromise One should look for a person who 1) Has love for Allah(SWT) and the Messenger (SAW). 2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can actupon it. 3) can control anger and another important and crucial factor: thatshe be 4) willing to compromise. *And it goes both ways, so women seekinga man, should look for the same things. *-From an email

About Me

Born and raised in Northern California, Shamira Chothia Ahmed is an emerging young female scholar of the traditional Islamic sciences. Her studies led her to seek sacred knowledge from scholars on three continents — Africa, Europe, and Asia. Upon receiving ijaazas (authorizations) to teach from renowned scholars in various Islamic disciplines, she was granted the opportunity to be an instructor of Hanafi fiqh for women at the Zaytuna Institute in Hayward, California. Privately, she taught fiqh (jurisprudence), tajwid (cantillation) and Qur'anic tafsir (exegesis). Ustadha Shamira gives lectures across the U.S. to various female audiences.