"There's no way -- I wish I could just snap my fingers and lower the price of gasoline for you. The markets don't work that way. I'd be snapping if I could do it. (Laughter.) But we've got a strategy and a plan to help you."

That's why one of the first things I did when I came to office four years ago was to develop a national energy strategy. My first month in office I sent Congress a plan to put America on the path to greater energy security. For four years, Congress has discussed and debated, but they haven't achieved any results. Today, members of Congress began debating an energy bill, and this time they need to give us one. The summer travel season is fast approaching. Gas prices are on the minds of millions of Americans. Members of Congress can send an important signal that they are serious about solving America's energy problems by getting a bill to my desk before the summer recess. (Applause.)"

"But people got to understand our dependence on foreign oil didn't develop overnight, and it's not going to be fixed overnight. To solve the problem, our nation needs a comprehensive energy policy. (Applause.) That's why one of the first things I did when I came to office four years ago was to develop a new energy strategy for America. And in my first months in office, I sent Congress a plan to put our nation on the path to greater energy independence. For four years, that United States Congress has discussed and debated the plan -- with no result. So earlier this year, I sent a clear message to Congress: Get a good energy bill on my desk before the August recess. Now is the time for them to act."

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson has suggested that American agents assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."

[...]

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."

Ok, all right, all right...fine, you caught us manipulating the context in which these photographs were taken. Yes, quite simply, it's hot down there in Crawford, Texas. From the glare of all those lights and cameras!

Fox News: We Report Whatever the Bush Administration Wants Us to, and Then You Decide

A screen capture taken from last night's edition of Fox News Live (August 2, 2005, 11:35pm)

Good God! A mere three years until the mullahs of Iran develop nuclear weaponry?

Meanwhile, from the rest of the news-reporting world, various accounts of this same news seemed to imply something entirely different. Not that Roger Ailes is fabricating news rather than spinning it as is customary, but, hey:

A major U.S. intelligence review has projected that Iran is about a decade away from manufacturing the key ingredient for a nuclear weapon, roughly doubling the previous estimate of five years, according to government sources with firsthand knowledge of the new analysis.

The carefully hedged assessments, which represent consensus among U.S. intelligence agencies, contrast with forceful public statements by the White House.

"Rafael Palmeiro is a friend. He testified in public and I believe him," Bush said in an interview with the Knight Ridder news service. "He's the kind of person that's going to stand up in front of the klieg lights and say he didn't use steroids, and I believe him. Still do."

Jean-Paul
Tremblay written-ed, directed and co-produced a bunch of so-called "comedy" and "video" content, is notoriously competitive, and nonetheless settles for bottom-tier tokenism. Repped by John Herndon at Grape Dope Entertainment. Thrill jockey!

Matt
Haber has written for The New York Times, Esquire,
and The New York Observer. He is not allergic to pet dander
and can do "ethnic" accents if the part calls for it. He is repped
by Candy Addams at Entertainment 4-Every-1. Feeling
special?

Guy Cimbalo is
so cute! Yes, he is. Who's a cute little Guy? You are, you are!
Guy's our very own star of stage and screen and is repped by Jeff Kwatinetz at
The Firm. Rowr!

What "They" Say About "Us"

"Humor so black you're afraid to laugh." - Playboy

"Low Culture gets more mileage out of headlines and photo
captions than most blogs get out of endless pages of text." -
The Week

"No irony slips past Low Culture." -
Daniel Radosh

"what's happened to this site? it used to be one of my favorites.
now there are never new posts and when there are it's bloodied
and dismembered dead bodies... grave, indeed." - Some Guy Named
Tim