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If we accept that home ice advantage will continue to hold in this Cup final, then we must also accept that the Vancouver Canucks are about to become the least deserving champions in NHL history.

Maybe all of sports history.

Maybe all of human history.

Maybe all the way back to when the Mammals used a meteor deflection to upset the Dinosaurs.

Three goals in three minutes in the biggest game of your life? Outscored 19-8 and still on the cusp of victory? There is a small but crucial difference between “winning” and “stepping on a banana peel and riding it past your opponents over the finish line, where you slam face-first into a tree.”

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That’s not to say that Boston deserves it any more.

Admit it. This series is sloshing back and forth so drunkenly that it’s making you seasick.

Then there’s the biting, whining, diving and showboating added to so many disappearances by top players that they may need to call in cadaver-sniffing dogs. At this rate, expect eye-gouging, fish-hooking, rap-battling and a class-action lawsuit at the trophy presentation.

If the Cup were mine to give, no matter what happens Wednesday night, I’d give it to Tim Thomas.

Just Tim Thomas.

“Here is your Stanley Cup champion, Tim Thomas. Congratulations, Tim, we’d like to … hey, Bergeron, you mook, whaddya think you’re doing? Keep your hands to yourself. Look with your eyes. And Sedin. Whichever one you are. Feel free to paw the Clarence Campbell Trophy all you want now. Take it home, put wheels on it and ride it around Ornsklodsvik all summer long.”

If Tim Thomas feels weird about that, give it to the Saint John Sea Dogs. Or Rachel McAdams. Or this weirdo, as long as she promises to keep the cats out of the Cup.

Because this sort of noodle-brained championship hockey cannot be encouraged with trophies.

You might want to sleep on that one, coach

For the second time this series, Roberto Luongo was pulled from a game on Monday night.

After this happened in Game 3, Vancouver boss Alain Vigneault took a few hours to mull over his options. This time, he named Luongo the Game 7 starter in the post-game news conference.

If it were possible for this series to go any longer, Vigneault would announce just before Game 8 that Luongo was due to be pulled in the second period, but would definitely start the first game of the 2011/12 season.

Down with the ship

Vancouver fans are full of naïve wisdom about what the Canucks can do to turn their fortune in Game 7. “Do something about the defence” is one blinding insight contained herein.

“The strong and faithful will stay around until the ship sinks, and the ship hasn’t sunk yet,” one devoted and possibly delusional fan on the street said after Boston’s four first period goals. Interestingly, that quote is the official motto of everyone who died on the Titanic.

Searching for Vancouver’s soul

A Bostonian attempts a probing exploration of Vancouver’s soul and its feelings about their distant American cousins.

The result makes you want to call up anybody you know from Boston and reassure them that Toronto is very different from Vancouver.

Because we’d have been much, much less kind.

There’s still no word early this morning on the extent of the strange injury to Canucks winger Mason Raymond. He was doubled over and backed hard into the boards by Boston’s Johnny Boychuk. At a guess, it looked like Raymond did something extremely wrong to his back.

Since it’s the 2011 finals, the Canucks were “furious” that no penalty was called on the play. It’s nice to hear they felt some sort of strong emotion on the night, though it would’ve helped if they’d done it during the game.

Rebooting Healy’s vocabulary

I don’t know if CBC analyst Glenn Healy has a phobia related to technology, but there has to be something Jungian about his compulsive use of the word “reboot” to describe the hoped-for outcome in just about any situation.

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