By Richard Mogg for Retro Slashers
Was that a severed penis hanging from the woodchipper?!? I suppose I could have saved that line for the end of this review but I, like the filmmakers of this uber-cheap video production, tend to throw the money-shots up head first. Make no mistake, I’ll Kill You, I’ll Bury You, I’ll Spit On Your Grave Too is in no way a sequel to the 1978 rape/revenge classic I Spit On Your Grave. That film, while brutal, was arguably a beautiful piece of hardcore horror that took its time with its tension and then took even more time inflicting its pain. Understandingly, many even view 78’s I Spit as one of the greatest female empowerment films of the 20th century due to its strong take on vigilante revenge, enacted out by the main female character… I guarantee no one will say the same here.

Opening in a desaturated black and white, I’ll Kill You, I’ll Bury You introduces us to a horny couple in the back bed of a camper. It’s a typical scene for all us Shot-On-Video (SOV) lovers – she loves his beard, he loves her rock hard implants. A sound from outside sends our stud out to investigate, leaving his woman to be attacked with the chainsaw that comes buzzing through the camper walls. Her fingers are severed, which gush loads of blood all over her naked chest before she fades to black – cue credits! (This film had me at hello). In what amounts to the closest connection to that 1978 film which so inspired this slasher’s title, I’ll Kill You, I’ll Bury You really doesn’t begin until a van pulls into an isolated gas station and a few of the girls get out to stretch their legs. This of course, was the initial moment that introduced the main girl to her four soon-to-be rapists in I Spit… only here we take things one step further. The sluttiest of the girls (a title they all compete for) allows one of the gas attendants to follow her into the bathroom where they quickly get it on. Bumpin’ and grindin’ against a filthy bathroom wall with a Grease-Monkey might not turn every woman on, but this girl’s a slut so all is forgiven. The basic plot is that this group of 20-somethings are traveling to a cabin deep in the woods where they plan to do some nature studies. Of course it’s all just an excuse for sex and parties, and even the occasional nude photo-shoot from the resident photographer along for the ride. Basically, I’ll Kill You, I’ll Bury You has all the ingredients to make it the ultimate SOV slasher surprise. Taro cards! Booze! Mustache overhang!… So where does it all go wrong?

The title alone, while a joke, doesn’t do anything for the film. People that loved I Spit On Your Grave don’t want to see this because it’s too cheap, and people who hated I Spit don’t want to see this because they believe it to be closely related in terms of sexual violence. (The poster art also reinforced these notions). So, unfortunate as it is, I’ll Kill You, I’ll Bury You has yet to find a solid audience. Sure it was filmed in 1995 and (finally) released on DVD in 2000, but everything in the film screams mid-80’s. From the low-quality Hi-8mm camcorder, to the frizzy hairdos, to the abusive sheriff, to the neon clothes – it’s hard to believe this wasn’t made back in the glory days of SOV horror entries. It does contain a large amount of nudity (implanted and otherwise) and there’s even a healthy amount of gore. Unfortunately, there is also a strong current of sexual violence implied within the film… which does serve to separate it from other innocuous slashers. Women do get tied to beds, stripped, and have switchblades run over their bodies. No one is actually seen getting raped, but our main killer sure tries his best later in the last act. Overall, the film is a great SOV slash n’stash, and our killer dies in a sturdy slasher-true manner by having him fall into a running woodchipper. Which brings up a buzzling question – why try to connect this to another film? If anything, Friday The 13th would make for a closer comparison, only replace Jason with a greasy, booze-guzzling hobo who fakes paralysis from time to time.

So the real questions are, do you enjoy the cheesy wholesomeness of SOV nastiness? Do you like your screen victims running around topless? And above all, do you like a healthy emphasis on boobs, blood and gore? If so, then this is the flick for you! Take a stab and heed the warnings of the power-obsessed sheriff running loose in the woods… all men get their just desserts!