Anonymous Story: Me Too

I was sexually abused by my stepfather. My mother met him when I was two years old I remember nothing from my childhood before the 7th grade. I told my mother what happened I don’t know if she ever believed me but I told somebody at school and they contacted the police my brothers and my sister and I were taken out of the home and they never found any proof so they returned us to the home and that’s when I ran away from home when I was 15 I was raped several times, I eventually married someone who was abusive had two children by him left him and divorced him. It was several years before I trusted anyone to even talk to that was male. I eventually met someone had another child ended that relationship. I got into another relationship did I thought was the love of my life and it ended with him almost killing me. He came home one night unbeknownst to me high on whatever drug accusing me of sleeping with his friends with strangers all kind of ridiculous accusations. As this went on he eventually started choking me slapping me he put a gun to my head and asked me who I was sleeping with and I just named any name that came to my head. He dragged me up the stairs mind you my three children were sleeping at this time, he brought me into the bedroom that we shared and proceeded to write me sodomize me all of the gun next to him, he eventually wasn’t able to get an erection and he went to the bathroom and left the gun within my reach and I thought I could kill him but if I miss he’s going to kill me so I just left the gun there. Discontinued on for about 8 to 12 hours and he got dressed to leave and look at me and said remember nothing happened tonight that you didn’t want to happen. I went to someone who I thought was my friend and she call the police I hadn’t even process anything at this point I don’t even remember dropping my children off at school and when the police came I refuse to press charges but they took me to the police station because the officer said if I didn’t press charges that he would. And then they brought in this stack of paperwork and started telling me this was his rap sheet and that he had done this before and no one else wanted to come forward so when the officer press charges in the court called me I went to court and press charges. This man was charged with four out of the seven things that he had done to me no one told me that I had the right to say no or protest how much jail time he would get he ended up doing six months out of 4 years. Since then I don’t trust anyone I’m in these relationships that don’t make sense for me I’m now 47 years old I’m trying to leave a man who says he loves me but wants to sleep with other men and constantly tells me but he’s not doing anything I’m unaffectionate to him so things are my fault and I thought I was strong but I just don’t know how to leave have custody of a nine-year-old boy and I’m afraid what he’s going to learn but I just can’t leave

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The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we will be here.