No. 115

Legrande warned reporters that visiting luxurious hotels, perfectly-manicured beaches, and 4-star restaurants with even tenuously-related kin could potentially do irreparable damage to an average adult’s heart.

“Now that I am twenty, I think it’s the best time to get more firmly settled in the adolescent image, maybe even take it back a little bit, add some of the princess props, teddy bears, and stuff like that.”

NEW YORK, NY — Carlos Danger, the greatest Internet celebrity since hall-of-fame class act Amanda Bynes, has changed his name in response to the confused and critical responses he received on social media today. The…

EVANSTON — Due to Tuesday’s MLB All-Star Game, #ASG was a trending tag on Twitter. The Northwestern Associated Student Government said it was the greatest moment – literally the greatest moment, free of any controversy…