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Posts Tagged ‘fat’

It’s not an elephant and it’s not a seal…. it’s an angry elephant seal!

I thought seals were meant to be cute and clap their little fins together while bouncing balls on their nose. But looks at this thing…. “Rrraaa! I’m going to eat you because I’m so ugly and angry!!” And don’t forget fat.

After I’d recovered from the shock of the question which had the same impact as a bowling ball to my stomach, I replied with a firm; “No!” But to make it even more excruciating, she argues with me, as if to justify it, by saying, “But what’s that over there?” (Poking at me) To which I replied: “My FAT stomach!”

Who still doesn’t know the rule? Never, ever, EVER ask someone if she’s pregnant. Unless you’re standing next to someone and their water breaks and they turn to you and say, “My water just broke, could you take me to the hospital?” And then you say, “Oh, are you pregnant?” – you DO NOT bring it up!

And if you do bring it up, and the person says no; you leave it! Sweet Moses! You absolutely, undeniably drop it. Not try and convince me that I am! “No, you are preggers! Look how unnaturally fat you are! How sure are you? Go to a doctor and just double check! Do this for me”

Ever felt bad about ‘pigging out’ on that last Rolo, or stealing your little sister’s friend’s ice-cream? (Even though she deserved it for throwing bubblegum in your hair)

Well, here’s a website that might make you feel a little better about yourself or it could do the complete opposite. Either way this has to be seen. Surely no restaurant, vendor or take-away shop could sell these legally? How does one even open their mouth wide enough to even take a bite out of this stuff?