May 2008

Urge to Simplify

No matter what I’m doing, I can’t help wondering if there is a better way. For example, I noticed yesterday in Las Vegas that many of the casinos have ATMs amongst thousands of slot machines. The casinos hopes you will take your money out of one machine, carry it several feet, and put it in another. There’s something about the change of ownership in your money that is considered entertainment. And judging from the crowds, people can’t get enough of it.

In the old days, when Vegas was less popular, the slot machines sometimes gave a little of your money back, at least temporarily. But these days all the nice hotels are at full occupancy. I’ve been here three days and haven’t seen anyone win a jackpot. If you think that removing the “maybe you can win” part from the equation would dampen peoples’ enthusiasm, you have vastly overestimated the intelligence of the general public. After Las Vegas trained people to lose 98% of the time, it was a simple matter to nudge it to 100%.

Now the casinos have people trained, like chickens hoping for pellets, to take money from one machine (the ATM), carry it across a room and deposit in another machine (the slot machine). I believe B.F. Skinner would agree with me that there is room for even more efficiency: The ATM and the slot machine need to be the same machine.

The casinos lose a lot of money waiting for the portly gamblers with respiratory issues to waddle from the ATM to the slot machines. A better solution would be for the losers, euphemistically called “players,” to stand at the ATM and watch their funds be transferred to the hotel, while hoping to somehow “win.” The ATM could be redesigned to blink and make exciting sounds, so it seems less like robbery.

I’m sure this is in the five-year plan. Longer term, people will be trained to set up automatic transfers from their banks to the casinos. People will just fly to Vegas, wander around on the tarmac while the casino drains their bank accounts, then board the plane and fly home. The airlines are already in on this concept, and stopped feeding you sandwiches a while ago.

Comments

QUOTE:
I’m sure this is in the five-year plan. Longer term, people will be trained to set up automatic transfers from their banks to the casinos. People will just fly to Vegas, wander around on the tarmac while the casino drains their bank accounts, then board the plane and fly home. The airlines are already in on this concept, and stopped feeding you sandwiches a while ago.
UNQUOTE

Mr Economist guy (Drew) is right in theory that the mathmatically stupid should be taxed via gambling if they so choose. If they do so and lose, then go live under a bridge somewhere, then I am cool with that. The problem is when some other person comes along, who can vote, and says, we should tax the non-gamblers to pay to help the poor guy living under the bridge. Then I have a problem with it.

I swear I have seen credit/debit card readers attached directly to the machines before... but my goal isn't so much to gamble in Vegas as it is to take advantage of the free booze and talk to crazy people. Good times, and amazingly, there are many of them. Who knew?

As always, great cynical insight. I thoroughly enjoyed the post. But my training in economics won't let me be light-hearted about it all. Two points (and a half):

1) It's not stealing if I voluntarily play.
2) If I get $1000 worth of joy out of spending 5 hours playing a game that rewards me $1,000,000 once in 10 million attempts, that's my business.

If I bought an Xbox and some video games, would I be "throwing my money away?" Time spent playing, and the entertainment value given during play, are equally important to why some people gamble. If I like seeing stuff spin for a few hours while I feed the machine money, I may be simple-minded, but not irrational.

That was the funniest blogpost you've ever made. The line about an ATM making exciting noises was great - I've often thought that was the funniest kind of humour, minimising a socially accepted event like "gambling" by describing it in baffled, purely-experiential terms - denuded language that strips the sheen of normalcy from some everyday insanity.

Here's a thought - can affirmations help you when gambling? I tried it a few months ago after your affirmation blog. I wrote an affirmation about being lucky, 10 times each day I remembered. Then when I was in the Bahamas on business, I tested my luck at the slot machines. I walked in with just 2 rules - I was only going to play $20 and I'd stop playing at a machine after I won something on it, regardless of how little. After 2 pulls on one machine a won a few dollars. 3 pulls on the next a won some more. About 5 of the last one, as I bet the last of my original $20 I won again. In the end I walked out about $200 ahead. Coincidence?

I guess the trip is meant to give the 'player' the feeling they're going to do something special.
However, to otimize the process, let's include slotmachines in the departure hall of the airport as well, have a electronic screen in the seat in front of you, that will transfer *any* winnings into your account. Thinking about the religious people who supposedly took over Vegas, here's an idea for them, after having spent amount 'x' you are giving absolution for minor sin 'y' (I leave the details to them). We may even have to diversify there, cause a christian sin may not necessarily be a muslim or a jewish sin. I can see a market here ...

Bort, I guess you're still feeling self-concious about your issues with gambling, eh? We don't all open casinos for the same reason we don't mount our own space exploration programs: it's expensive and dangerous, but I guess you have to be a genious to realize something that obvious.

Carl, you fucking fake pious poisonous hyperventilating hypocrite. If you think the casino business you're in is so evil and dehumanizing - QUIT! There are lots of jobs in this economy that can support and assuage your conscious. If you can't quit, do a Bob Parr by undermining your company's profits - lead gamblers away from the games, give them the info to Gamblers Anonymous, have them escorted out of the casino on a trumped up excuse, etc. Eventually, you'll get fired, but your conscious will be clear. Don't complain publicly that you can't stand working in a dehumanizing profession if you are profiting from your profession trafficing in human misery. Perhaps you'd feel better selling tobacco or liquor or hard drugs or working for a fast food restaurant or selling cars or working as a gasoline distributor or even growing corn (not as innocent an occupation as you may think, look it up!). Tell you what: quit now, and work for Scott drumming up business for Stacy's at Waterford, 'kay?

That's a great idea Scott! I can't believe no one has ever thought of it!

Oh yeah. The gaming industry has been wanting to do that for years. But it's illegal. Casinos have to follow all sorts of regulations. For example, slot machines can not accept ATM or Credit cards. Casinos must give out gambling addiction brochures and hotline info on request. There is a minimum payout for every machine. It varies by state, but usually is 80-85%.

I understand it is your thing to talk about, and make suggestions regarding stuff you know nothing about, and that's OK. Usually your blog is funnier, though.

My idea for more efficient casinos. Member of "general public" stands at ATM, makes transaction, sees message flash across screen: "Congratulations! You win a free transfer of $100 from your account to a casino in Vegas", turns around & shouts "I won!"

Hey Scott, if the book sales are low, why don't you add an new game to Dilbert.com? You could call it Slotbert and players could spin the reels. Three Catberts and a guy named Vinny comes by to break your kneecaps, but three "Dilbert gets laid" (tie is down instead of curled up) and you send an autographed copy of "Monkey Brain".

Speaking of new games, more would be nice; my 3 and 5 year olds really like the Phone game; since it's a memory game, I don't mind them playing and all it costs me now is the electricity.