Adjusting

The hardest part, so far, of switching to this “having a job” thing has been dealing with the feelings that someone else is getting the best of my kid every day.

Jonas is an awesome kid. Sure, he drives me crazy, but he’s an awesome kid. He is funny and kind. He’s fun to play with. He’s fun to read a story with. He’s fun to just hang out with. But when I only see him from 6ish to 8ish every night, I’m not getting the fun and kind parts. I’m getting the tired, overstimulated, grumpy parts of my kid. I know why he fights bedtime every night – he tells me every morning on the way to school. He says that his school is ok, but it’s too long to be away from his parents every day, and that he misses just hanging out at home with me. I miss that, too. I miss it a LOT.

So, I know that school is GOOD for Jonas. Playing with other kids is good for Jonas. He tells me he likes doing centers with his friends, and I know his teachers are invested in him and read lots of stories every day, and they talk about letters and sounds and do music. It’s GOOD. But by the time I see him, he’s just done and I just miss having him around.

For example, today I am working 9 a.m. – 8 p.m. It’s a little crazy, but the library is only open a total of 50 hours a week, and one of those days is Saturday from 9-2. So the hours have to balance out somewhere to get to 40. Anyway. Most Tuesdays I won’t get home until 8:30 or 8:45. He’s usually in bed by the time I get home. It’s HARD. I just really miss my kid.

I also miss just being around my house. I like my house. It’s a nice house. It’s starting to feel like “our” house, with some new furniture and paint I picked out, and a little bit of decorating. But I feel like I’m just there to sleep. I know that’s not the case – that most people have jobs and work their days and come home around 6 and that’s just how it is. But it’s SO different from anything I’ve ever done before. Sure, when I was in undergrad and working 2 or 3 jobs, I was basically only home to sleep. There were entire semesters when I’d leave the house by 8 and not get home until 1a.m. Sleep. Get up. Do it again. But it’s different now. I just – am missing my old way of life and the adjustment period is more difficult than I expected.

I’ve never known anything different, but I do understand it’s hard. I get off earlier than you, but it’s still hard – I pick up the kids, get home, work on homework, start dinner, we eat, shower, maybe play a little and then the older kiddo reads and they go to bed. You start living for those weekends and days off. My working is best for the family but it would be nice to get more time.