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When faced with the fact that Brody's girlfriend Jayde will not be pleased, Audrina says, "Bring on the war." She's clearly been taking lessons from Spencer, but Lauren seems mildly amused by Audrina's antics instead of pissed. "It's Her Move" (Season 4, Episode 13) Heidi gets fired for getting wasted at work, which in turn probably enticed a bunch of viewers to show up at the [redacted] spot in Hollywood.

Which further betrays that whole "I'm upset Lauren might have hooked up with Justin Bobby" story line she cooked up last season, since they're both so nonchalant about an affair. "Everything Happens for a Reason" (Season 5, Episode 2) Brody and Spencer finally squash their beef and have a reunion. I wonder if she'll get the job back so Bolthouse can keep advertising themselves on .

The dramatic reveal of it is fantastic — you don't even see Heidi's face on camera until she shows up in Colorado to see her mom. "I Always Had a Little Crush" (Season 5, Episode 5) The girls crash Brody's boys' trip in Hawaii and Audrina, ever thirsty to generate a story line, bless her heart, now has a crush on him.

Everything reality television is now, it learned from most manufactured drama this show has ever attempted. Get the fuck out of here, Season 3 levels of "who?! "Old Habits Die Hard" (Season 5, Episode 14) Holly is an alcoholic for one episode and then decides she's going to stop drinking. "Truth and Time Tells All" (Season 3, Episode 3) Lauren is pressed about ANOTHER one of her friend's boyfriends. The Pratt-Montags aren't nearly as fun when they're down and out as they are when they're scheming and destroying people's lives. " (Season 3, Episode 15) For some nonsense reason, Spencer keeps trying to push Heidi to elope. Meanwhile, Lauren tries to find Whitney a boyfriend so she has something to do on the show. "A New Bird" (Season 6, Episode 5) The show is odd without Heidi and Spencer around. "Love Is Not a Maybe Thing" (Season 1, Episode 9) BYE, JORDAN. Of course none of these relationships feel real or as important this time around; it's just sort of dating charades. "Rolling With the Enemy" (Season 3, Episode 5) Spencer breaks up with Brody because he's hanging out with Lauren. "Father of the Bride" (Season 5, Episode 8) The White Tie Affair, a band seemingly created just for this show, has two lead members that flirt with Audrina and Stephanie.

I'd sooner believe Audrina is friends with the Flintstones' pet dinosaur, Dino, than this flagrant chicanery. "Break-Up to Make-Up" (Season 6, Episode 9) Mc Kaela? I keep forgetting she's on this show, but congrats on the sobriety. "Young Hollywood" (Season 3, Episode 13) Heidi spends a lonely 21st-birthday party with just Spencer. The Di Mera family of needs to get their mojo back. We're still involved in the same romantic entanglements of Brody and Audrina and Kristin, and now Stephanie is trying to date while sober. Now Heidi can fall for the true love of her life, Spencer Pratt. "Big Girls Don't Cry" (Season 3, Episode 2) The first appearance of Justin Bobby! Maybe Spencer and Lauren are more alike than they want to admit. "New Year, New Friends" (Season 2, Episode 9) It's New Year's and Heidi is still torn between Spencer and Lauren, but on a positive note, Lo Bosworth has finally joined the cast (in a supporting role for now, but the world, and yet, somehow, she still can't find an interesting story line. "For Better or Worse" (Season 3, Episode 8) Lauren thought she was gonna get cozy with Jason again, but surprise, he has a girlfriend and he's engaged. I know the show has always been used to cross-promote bands, but this is egregious.

Lauren is as disgusted with Audrina and this plot development as I am. "It's About Trust" (Season 4, Episode 17) Audrina and Lauren make up, obviously, because Lauren clearly never slept with Justin Bobby. "Boyfriends and Work Don't Mix" (Season 1, Episode 6) Heidi and Lauren have boyfriend drama, because all four of these people are the neediest people on earth. "Between a Rocker and a Hard Place" (Season 6, Episode 8) I've been watching every episode of the show and I still have no idea who 60 percent of the people in this episode are. It's a bit of real drama amid all of the nonsense still going on between Audrina, Justin, Kristin, Brody, and Jayde. And Lauren forever became The Girl Who Didn’t Go To Paris. When Heidi and Spencer go missing and everyone pretends to be worried about them, he suggests to Stephanie and Audrina, "Maybe you should put up signs." But never fear, Heidi and Spencer get eloped so they can return to L. But Kristin's tabloid drama about having done drugs and needing to go to rehab can suffice for now, since that's far more interesting to watch than another Justin Bobby–go-round.

I can't even take this episode seriously; there's no way Audrina would ever believe that Lauren of all people would hook up with Justin Bobby. And now this two-episode story line is over and done with and it will never be heard from again. "The Company You Keep" (Season 6, Episode 7) You might have forgotten that Audrina dated Ryan Cabrera (part-time singer and, most notably, star of the beautiful piece of television known as . "I'm Done With You" (Season 5, Episode 16) Kristin tries to get Justin Bobby to commit to her, as if we haven't seen this scene a thousand times already between him and Audrina. "Ghost From the Past" (Season 6, Episode 6) Justin Bobby returns to the show for the thousandth time and this time he's in a fucking band. It's a sore replacement for the classic Lauren-Spencer-Heidi feud of past seasons. "I Want You to Be With Me" (Season 4, Episode 12) Stephanie turns into Rita Repulsa and tries inciting her boyfriend into fighting with Brody to defend her honor. " (Season 4, Episode 9) Holly gets Lauren to admit that she would be friends with Heidi again if she didn't have to put up with seeing Spencer. "A New Roommate" (Season 3, Episode 25) Lauren, Lo, and Audrina decided to get a new place together, which is totally going to end badly, since the episode is loaded with Lauren and Lo throwing shade at Audrina. This episode is mostly depressing because you realize Lauren ruined an entire summer on an idiot and Heidi and Audrina are squabbling over Spencer. "Everyone Falls" (Season 2, Episode 11) Whitney falls on 45. Meanwhile, Spencer loathes Stephanie at this point and has started dressing like he's in the Manson family. "Boys Make Girls Cry" (Season 4, Episode 4) Brody mends his relationship with Stephanie and she embarks with Lauren, Lo, and Audrina on a Vegas trip for Frankie's birthday.

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The best part of the episode is Lauren and Audrina's fight, in which a SINGLE TEAR rolls down Lauren's face. The hilarity of her showing up just to chew out Lauren, then sashaying away, is why I love her. "A Change of Plans" (Season 1, Episode 2) Heidi wants to drop out of school to take her dream job, which she won't even be working at anyway, because her actual "job" is reality-TV personality. "When You Least Expect It" (Season 2, Episode 2) Remember when Heidi pretends she's pregnant just so she can see if Spencer really wants to date her?

The is the season Heidi turned bonkers, and the slow descent into madness is a sight worth documenting, but it hasn't yet become entertaining TV. "You Have Chosen" (Season 2, Episode 6) Lauren's voice-over at the beginning of this episode reaches high levels of petty as she talks about how dumb Heidi is acting.

Except that all she does is drag Justin Bobby while on her date with Stephen — romantic! "You Always Miss a Best Friend" (Season 4, Episode 6) Heidi's sister Holly reaches out to Lauren when she moves to L.

A., in hopes of rekindling their relationship but also rekindling Heidi and Lauren's. These episodes are always pretty depressing, because you remember that at its heart was a documentary of the slow disintegration of a friendship between two women. "Drama Follows Them" (Season 4, Episode 2) Heidi and Spencer surprise Stephanie at her birthday party, which causes Brody, Lauren, Lo, and Lauren's cardboard cut-out boyfriend to flee.