The Neighbors have Two Dogs and Rainier

Vicious and Kind: If a neighbor has two dogs and a wife, you know who the dogs take after. One may be vicious like the wife, and one may be kind like the husband. It’s simple psychology.

I was attacked viciously by one of their dogs tonight (Eben), and before seeking legal counsel, I instead went to get ice cream. It was my wife’s only wish, even if my cargo pants, just washed and dried mind you, were ripped so closely to the flesh that I, for once, saw my life flash before my balls. Simply terrifying.

Upon inspection, my wife said it was merely slobber. What does she know about anything? Now, I additionally wanted to sue her for not supporting her husband.

After purchasing the vanilla bean ice cream, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, I informed her I had some business to attend to before dealing with her insubordination as as a loyal wife. She laughed. There’s nothing worse than a wife laughing at you while she is eating ice cream, laced with chocolate and that damned cream. I lost it. Marching down to the neighbor’s house and pressing their door bell will all of the energy I had left, they answered politely not knowing I was going to release my hounds and furious anger upon them. That’s when then they offered me a Rainier Beer, and that’s when the counsel rested.

(The dogs, Eben and Bo, and the neighbors have always been wonderful…………if they have Rainier………Thanks, John, Megan, Eben, and Bo. Special thanks to a peanut named Emma who is the secondary reason I’m not suing my neighbors.

5 Responses to The Neighbors have Two Dogs and Rainier

A couple more feet and you may have had a case but unfortunately, at least for your litigious aspirations, you were squarely on my driveway leaving said attack dog* free to pursue his quarry… With that said, however, thank god for Rainier beer!