How likely is it that a child, attempting to swing a skipping rope over a bar, actually swore when they said "it's a grapple hook"?

I've still (obviously) got a bee in my bonet about this. What would you think? Did he swear and lie about it would you say or not? Is this any reason to label this child as a swearer and believe every report of this child swering, true or not?

Ds was in trouble at school for swearing. Apparantly he was swinging a skipping rope, trying to get it over a branch. A child asked him what he was doing, ds said he had made a grapple hook and was trying to get it over the branch. The child then reported ds for swearing. My guess is that 'grapple hook' sounds alot like the fcuk word. The head told him off, ds crying his eyes out, she doesn't believe him as "what sort of child uses grapple hook?" (ds does, he plays a computer game called runescape where a grapple hook is a climbing tool). Do I believe him or her?

Well, of course it is perfectly possible that either child is telling the truth. I wouldn't have thought grapple hook is beyond the reach of a 10 year old's vocabulary, so it really comes down to who is most likely to be telling the truth in this context. Any reason for you not to believe your son? Any reason why the head chose not to believe your son? There must be some kind of back story, surely?

Apparantly she's been getting other children since this telling her of ds swearing. It's a tough one to solve as I nor she have never heard him. When I talk to him he know's why it's wrong and he is so sincere when he say's he has not. He has traits of Aspergers so sticks to rules like glue. I am in contact with a school that has experience with children who have aspergers, the current head has to write ds a reference though. I can't see this going well.

I think you know in your heart that your ds is telling the truth. The headteacher seems to have allowed a lot of 'tittle-tattling' and your ds has suffered as a consequence. However, you seem to be re-visiting old ground a lot and I'm not sure it will help you or your ds.

Is he definitely moving school again? In that case, I think you just need to see out the end of term, maybe with a meeting with the head to ask how she thinks ds can best be supported through the final few weeks.

Ds has only been there a term! I believe him but then again, as I was not there, there is a little doubt in my mind. What if he did and I'm one of those "my child would never do that" parents who have given birth to the spawn of satan? I'm really not sure about the head. I get the impression that she thinks we think we are better then eveyone else as he's moved there from a private school. She did say that ds "looks down on people", despite the ds I know being really sociable and not at all like this. I wrote her a note as he was being bullied (another thread I'm afraid), she said she didn't believe him and all of the children at the school would never behave this was as they are from "good homes" , so good, a group of boys tried to pull ds's pants down, a girl hit him in the face and a boy last week pushed him up against a wall (witnessed by myself and another teacher).

I am just wading it out at the moment. The reference really worries me though. Ds say's he said it was a grapple hook, nothing more. He's been accused of swearing once before at his old school by a boy that didn't like him. He promises me he didn't. There was one other occasion at his old school where a boy in his class said bastard's swearing, ds said "I don't think bastard is swearing", which he admitted to when he was told it was wrong and has never (to my knowledge said it since). He does have traits of aspergers and does say things without understanding them fully (as in the bastard incident) but when he's told the meaning he always appoligises and doesn't repeat this mistake. I'm not sure how to handle this one though as he's so sure he didn't.

Yes elling. I'm sorry aswell. I moved him to somewhere where I thought he'd be OK. The head seemed so clued up, made lots of promises (ds would be assessed, they would be able to help him etc) that amounted to nothing then both of the head's left at christmas. Ds didn't really settle there, he had met his class teacher before the autumn term started, I got him used to who it was then on the first day we turned up and they had changed it. Ds was bullied by another boy (door closed on his hand, hit on the head etc) so it was dire. He was singing in the carol concert at christmas and he sneezed three times in a row. He told me after that his teacher had really shouted at him, told him he was an embarrasment. He's at a state school where we live so he can make some friends where we are living but now there's all this. I have a therapist coming out on Wednesday to try and get ds some support but I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. He's a lovely boy at home, I can't think what else I can do. I do strongly think that he has aspergers, there's no empathy at all, he can't communicate very well about how he feel's and he get's so flustered when he's outside the house that he goes OTT, which is why he's being bullied. I keep asking people whether he needs assessing but no one listens.

He's just so unlucky. He's a lovely boy when he's with me, he really is. I often wish I could go to school with him. I've finally (I hope) found him a really nice one (fingers and toes crossed), they have a team for children with special needs, experience with children with aspergers, their own educational psychologist so it all sounds great. It's another private one though and they want him to sit an exam (no problem here) and get a reference from his current head teacher (here's the problem). I really do regret moving him from the first school. Head was a nutter but ds was settled, had friends and had a good relationship with his class teacher. I really screwed up.

Don't beat yourself up. You did what you thought was best, and it didn't work out. There's no way you could have foreseen the problems.

To be honest I don't think a 10 year old swearing should be made a huge deal of, and second hand stuff is very difficult to decipher. Sounds as if the school has handled things in a very OTT way

My ds (also 10) might well use the phrase grappling hook - I am sure that there are plenty in films and books as well as computer games (after all they are used by pirates and other adventurers on a fairly regular basis). If your son isn't very adept in social situations he might well come across as a little aloof - surely that is a sign of not fitting in very well and needing support?

I hope the new school works out, and that they help him assimilate, it is a tricky skill to learn.