Experienced journalists fearlessly reporting the truth in pursuit of the real story

Friday, September 01, 2006

Bush Cites Barney As Proof That Man & Dinosaurs Coexisted

Washington, D.C. - Stepping into the battle between scientists and creationists, President Bush today cited Barney as proof that man and dinosaurs have coexisted since the beginning of Earth some 5000 years ago. Said Bush, "I don't know how much more proof people need. Everyday, millions of kids can see for themselves that it is possible for people and dinosaurs to live together. You just can't ignore evidence like this."

Scientists, however, were quick to dispute the President's endorsement of creationism by pointing out that Barney the Purple Dinosaur is a fictional character and has no bearing on any discussion relating to the validity of evolution. Professor Theodore J. Wilcox of Northwestern University said "This whole canard of man and dinosaur coexisting is just a way for the creationists to say that fossils are a scientific hoax so they can keep pushing their biblical view that the earth was created only a few thousand years ago. It is pure bunk and it is extremely disappointing that the president has taken this position."

White House press secretary Tony Snow reacted to the criticism by saying, "We know who the American people stand with on this issue and it is the president. I mean, who are you going to believe, the leader of the free world or some pointy-headed know-it-all scientists who think they are better than you?" Judging from the first poll results, it appears that the public agrees with Snow. By more than a two to one margin, the American people overwhelmingly support the president's opinion that Barney's "existence" proves that creationism is right and evolution wrong.

Meanwhile, on Capital Hill, Republican senators and representatives, sensing the mood in the country and hoping for a winning issue they can ride to victory in the fall, quickly followed the president's lead and vowed to introduce legislation that will make the teaching of creationism mandatory in schools throughout America. Said Senator Bill Frist of Tennessee, "The Bible is the ultimate text book and we should follow it faithfully. Everything else is just hearsay and conjecture."

As of press time, there was no word from the White House about whether or not the president believes that dinosaurs were capable of speaking English and singing songs.