A whisper, in cold skies of old, dying starsIs heard, and their lingering deathWith not one regret turns and scatters in waste,As realms of shattered humanity hasteTo live and to burn out their breath.

Yet soon there's a scream, a small cry of despairThat binds all the skies to avail,And one daring soul stands behind to conveyHis wish to unravel all living dismay,To bury his past and prevail.

And thus it begins, as no man can escape The sweet domination of want,While stars burn and shine, for so he allows,The master of wishes that hastily vowsTo bring forth desires to grant.

But no man can endure the cruel truth behind,The wasteland of the human fate,As all exploration of such fragile mindsLeads only to nothing, and all that it findsAre fragments of wishes and hate.

And so he remains, whose new story of lifeHas neither a middle nor end.For stars will grow cold and will wantonly dieWhen wishes are old, while humanity’s lieOf life will no longer commend.

I can honestly say I find nothing here that is critiquable. This poem is well written and you convey youe message clearly and smoothly. The only thing I can find to critique here is the category in which you placed this piece. I feel obligated to say that this is Technically not a Free Verse Poem, but rather a fixed form. The main way to tell the difference between fixed and free, is that free verse typically doesn't follow a structure or rhyme scheme. Beyond that, this was a very solid piece. Well done!

Wonderfully written!I love the rhythm and rhymingscheme/form of the work. It also flows surprisingly smoothly Meaning the meter is quite consistent. The rhyming is also well handled, it was natural and quite enjoyable. The theme/story is also told in a balanced manner. The balance is between the rhythm and the story. Meaning that the story itself is not that hard to understand and ,although really good, perhaps not very magical but the rhythm makes it stand out a lot. Over all a wonderful work

It starts and sets the scene so elegantly. It has a dark alluring quality to it. The rhyming scheme suits the poem so beautifully and I must applaud you on how well written it is. My favourite lines are: "And thus it begins, as no man can escape The sweet domination of want,". So smooth and true.

As all exploration of such fragile mindsLeads only to nothing, and all that it findsAre fragments of wishes and hate. - my favourite bit. Gave me those shivers you get when you read something really good.

This is beautiful!It starts out darkly, setting a mysterious atmosphere. Than it unveils the true core of the poem - from individualism to a more community-centered view. But I'm really bad at critique, so I hope this and a fave will do!

Thank you very much for the comment and the fave ^_^ I really appreciate it And also, thanks to your comment I realized that I failed to copy the last part of the poem at first, but now it's complete So thanks again!