So, I was out of commission for a week and a half. Big deal. Truth be told I was waiting to get enough questions to glean 20 for today’s post.

Here is the premise… Every phone call with my parents inevitably ends with my dad and I discussing weather. We could be in the middle of a very interesting and engaging discussion about any number of family topics, but I know the conversation is soon to be over when my dad brings up the weather. When weather comes up I know that in 3 minutes I will be off the phone. I have timed it. When I need to get off the phone with him, I ask about the weather and then 3 minutes later, BAM! Conversation is over.

So my topic for this week is "conversation killers."

Thanks this week go to John P, Capt McArmypants, Wifey, and Some Other Guy. Onto the Questions:

1. What, besides the weather, is the best conversation killer in your repertoire?Bad puns. Usually will end a conversation immediately with a groan.

2. What is the best conversation killer you have heard either directed at you or while involved indirectly?This one was overheard, “Yeah, I sooo gave her that rash.” That one was said in one of those conversation lulls, it killed many a conversation. The guy went on to explain loudly that it was a "poison ivy rash." Whatever,dude.

3. Does a blank stare and no response for over 2 minutes still qualify as a conversation killer even though it is nonverbal? I haven't implemented yet but feel it may be useful especially at parties but only if you have a drink from which to sip for those 2 minutes!I think it would be more effective if you did not have a drink and kept checking you wrist for a non-existent watch. Definitely conversation killer.

4. Is it appropriate to be direct and say "I really don't enjoy talking with you, good day!"More than appropriate, it is now required, but I would add another, “I said, ‘Good day!!’”

5. Is it appropriate to stop a conversation by telling the other person, "I totally disagree with you and can't believe you are that stupid." This works best when someone is discussing the weather and comments on what a beautiful day it is or how they like baby polar bears.Again, I think you my be a bit too caught up on appropriateness, but that’s a very clever way of stopping the elevator/Wal-Mart conversation.

6. My favorite conversation killer is TMI. Which form of TMI do you think is the biggest show stopper? Sex life? Mental Disorders? Sharing your personality quirks in a vain attempt to validate them? (I met a lady who within 10 minutes of meeting her for the first and last time told me that she thought dogs were so gross that though she hadone that she allegedly loved dearly that she could only touch it with her foot as opposed to petting it with her hand. How did I meet her you ask? She was a receptionist. so Good hire there guys!!!) Venereal Disease? Family issues?Mental disorders for the win!

7. Which form of TMI SHOULD be the biggest show stopper?Sex life, but some people are REALLY into hearing about that.

8. Have you ever intentionally pulled a conversation killer to stop a conversation?Of course I have.

9. While far from the greatest offender, should quoting tv shows be a conversation killer? I am torn on this.It depends on what TV show and where. The TV show would have to be easily recognizable and It would need to be woefully incongruous with the place where the conversation was taking place. Those two criteria are necessary to make sure that it s a true conversation killer and not just a complete non sequitor.

10. For a man with kids, you seldom pulled the “You don’t have kids, so you just would not understand”. Kudos to that. So many are quick to pull out the: you are not a woman, you are not a man, you are not a Catholic, you are not married, you are not old enough, you are too old….. so you can’t understand. I consider this a total conversation killer, because if person A can’t now or ever understand the complexities of the issue and person B will discount all clearly ludicrous non-experienced based comments from person A, why did person B bring it up? And yes person B always brings it up. Agree ordisagree? I should warn you that if your answer does not coincide with my own view of the issue I will of course attribute your inability to understand the question and the obvious answer to some identifier you are lacking.You have never blogged, so you wouldn’t understand this answer.

11. To further hypocrisy, I just realized as I typed that last question that on occasion I discount the words of young people because they are just too young to understand. I will endeavor to stop telling them that I am discounting their words as naïve gibberish with no practical application, but I don’t think I can actually NOT discount their words. What do you think? Discount them or not?Young people are morons meant for the discount racks.

12. Sooo… you gonna marry the black chick? Converstion starter or conversation killer, you decide…Well… I would go with killer, since it effectively ended my relationship with my grandma.

13. Why is starting a question with the word “why” a conversation killer? Why?It automatically sets people on the defensive. Try using the more bumpkin-ish phrase of “hows come.” Then people will be put at ease by your unassuming speech pattern.

14. Has your wife, mother, youth minister, or best-friend killed conversation with you?Mom the day before my wedding: I am still the most important woman in your life, right?Me: Noooo… you are the most important woman in this car right now though.Conversation = over

15. Was it intentional to get out of talking with you?Oh, I don’t think it was intentional. Effective but unintentional.

16. …. Ummm… what were we talking about again?Conversation killers… oh, I get it. Not funny.

17. Huh? No speaka dee english. Effective or non-effective as a conversation killer?Effective if and only if you hop from one foot to the other while saying it in a horribly non-locatable yet offensive accent.

18. Have you ever pushed through an obvious conversation kill-shot and had a good conversation?If I recognize that a kill shot has been made, I will gladly end a conversation. I don’t like people enough to slog through an unwanted conversation.

19. Is there a more technical name for “conversation killer?” I mean, that is a bit blasé.Dialogic Homicide.

20. Sooo… how’ the weather in your neck of the woods?And this post will be over in less than 3 minutes.

To Recap:It is difficult top post when I have no real scheduleMy keyboard is acting really funnyI will leave the next line of the recap uncorrectedTequickredfjumped over thelz brow dgIt is supposed to read:The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dogI am hitting the keyboard like I am typing on one of those VAX machine terminals from the early 90’sI will not be surprised if I get a noise complaint from the neighborsAllergies are betterListening to the baby monitor