Are you Jewish? Black? A doctor? Episcopalian? A victim of domestic violence? A school principal? Steve Buscemi?

If you are a member of any of these categories or one of hundreds of others, the National Rifle Association may be planning your imminent demise. (They’re having a little trouble in the planning phase. They don’t know how to commit murder, since they only have guns, and guns don’t kill people. But just remember: If the NRA does it, that means it is not illegal.)