A method of swing on a swing is disclosed, in which a user positioned on a standard swing suspended by two chains from a substantially horizontal tree branch induces side to side motion by pulling alternately on one chain and then the other.

This “inventor” is just a sicko. He’s obviously planning to use this patent as a ruse for watching children at play. When the police come to question him about why he’s hanging around the park watching the kids, his excuse will be “to make sure no one is infringing on my patent.”

OK, I’ll admit that’s a bit of a reach, but this is pretty strange.
Can you say “we need patent reform,” boys and girls?

See the last page of the patent where it is shown cancelled:
Reexamination Certificate Issued under 35 USC 307,
“As a result of reexamination, it has been determined that:
Claims 1, 2, 3, and 4 are cancelled.”
(Thankfully someone wised up!)

Who said the police state is not here? Also look at the new Heckscher playground just finished in Central Park. The jungle gym construction is made in only one color, gray, and in concrete/bricks and chains. Get that kid accustomed to the new police state at an early age. Also, the park has artificial turf! Seriously, not joking. No real grass for kids. And, there are no trash cans in the park either. Who ever built and designed this park has disgraced children. I couldn’t find a photo of this park on the internet. The park will open officially on May 17. I will take some picures (actually, can’t. gotta go with my son) and post them on Cage Match.

Funny that this was allowed. Notice he only patented the side-to-side motion, not normal back and forth swinging. Possibly this was shy it was allowed. The US Patent office has a rich tradition of allowing the patently absurd, as long as no prior claims are violated and it has not been documented as being in the public domain.

I have this picture in my head of a six-year-old swinging from side-to-side, and getting a cease-and-dissist letter by a team of suited lawyers.

Wiggle your ass from side to side as you fart into the wind. This disperses the noxious gas more evenly instead of the previous direction of directly behind. It causes the body to play the emitted air like an instrument causing a chain of reactions like a flute fluctuates the surrounding air.

Aaaaargh! I’m too late. Someone beat me to the lateral swing patent! I was just about to file it. Bet they’ve beaten me to the “use of an upturned plant pot as an emergency fez” patent too. It’s not my day!

Reading the comments on here is very amusing. Yes I was 5 when I asked my dad to file that patent, and no I wasn’t trying to find a way to watch kids on the playground. I’m 17 now, a senior in high school, and am just now discovering how much of a stir this caused in the patent world.

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