An earworm is not to be mistaken
with an earthworm.That is an entirely
different creature.A whole different
species in fact.Unlike an earthworm
that is an invertebrate and indeed a hermaphrodite, an earworm is not.It has no spine, or predisposition to just
one specific sex, or both for that matter.An earworm, refers to the most awful habit of certain songs to simply
get stuck in your head.Like the song
has been put on repeat and it continues to play over and over and over again,
in your head.Full volume normally.On a seeming continuous and never ending
loop.And usually, despite giving your
ear, additional stimuli in the form of a new awesome song to listen to, somehow
the earworm one, just won’t leave.Like
a horrible gift that just keeps on giving.

And for some or odd reason, my
earworms are usually the most dreadful of songs.Almost too embarrassing to mention.At times it feels as if I’m channelling
Afrikaans music only.Of the Sonja
Heroldt and Randall Wicomb variety.I
know – it’s mortifying.I would also
like to take this opportunity to categorically state that I DON’T LISTEN TO
THIS MUSIC.I don’t even own it.Just so we’re clear.I blame these moments of relapse on the parts
of my youth where I grew up in the Platteland.Whether you wanted to listen to this type of music or not, you ended up
doing just that.Courtesy of your
friendly neighbours, who played their records loudly.Have I mentioned yet that they also had a
penchant for Boney M?I thought my ears
would voluntarily start bleeding.

I have a few fall back songs,
that I revert to in an earworm crises.And occasionally they work.The
trick is to make the replacement song, a very catchy one too.If it is even slightly annoying, more’s the
better.An absolute winner is “Her name
was Lola!She was a showgirl”.Aaargghhh!Shoot me now!Though a truly dreadful
song too, it can be used as a sort of springboard or platform to the next
song.The one you really want to be
stuck with.And thus you can ease your
way once more, to a place of peaceful harmony.Of blessed quiet even.Another
song, that I actually happen to like, that works quite well, is “I love you
baby, and if it’s quite all right, I need you baby.To warm my lonely nights.Oh let me love you baby, let me love you!”.My favourite is when you get to the
“ta-ra-ta-ra-ta-ra-ra-ta-ta” – bit.This
refrain you can sing over and over again.And to aid the stickiness of this song in your head, I seriously advise
that you kick your leg up in true showgirl fashion.So much fun.Sadly this can backfire at times, as the showgirl reference can trigger
a “Lola” relapse.And then you’re back
to square one again.Do you feel my
pain?

Furthermore, it doesn’t take a
lot to trigger a potentially fatal earworm infestation.A brief shopping excursion to Checkers or Pep
Stores is quite sufficient.Because
before long, you find yourself stuck with “Ahadi Hooi Skarumba”, “Baby
Chocklits” or “By the rivers of Babylon”. Watching a rugby game on TV, can trigger a
Steve Hofmeyer epidemic.And then
there’s pandemics of the Michael Bolton type as well as the Billy Ray Cyrus
“Achy Breaky Heart” type.And let’s not
forget the bloody “Macarena”.And that
stupid chicken song they simply always seem to play at weddings.That one is a KILLER!

Why just today, a very brief stop
at Checkers, triggered a bout of “The Final Countdown”.Eeeuwww!It actually gave me the heebie-jeebies.Even worse, when I found myself humming it later in the car.

And just therein lies the problem
with most earworm songs.The fact that
many of them were very, very popular once upon a time.Possibly you even fancied them a long, long
time ago as an awesome good tune.Furthermore,
an inevitable by-product of their former popularity, is the amount of radio
time they got.Garnering these songs
listeners and an audience everywhere.Increasing
their popularity, enforcing their demand, ensuring even more radio play.Aaarghhh!And so the cycle perpetuates itself.

So don’t say you haven’t been
warned.The number one hit of today,
could be the earworm of tomorrow.Gangnam Style is going to come back and bite us all in the bum.

So, here’s my advice, stock up on
a good few fall back songs.You never
know when you might need them.Write
them down somewhere, and keep them in your wallet, so that you can dip into your
supply at any given time.Alternatively
make a note on your cell phone and save it under a file called “Code Red”.

Be prepared.Don’t be caught unaware by complacency.You are never safe!

Don't I just know this feeling!

That pesky earworm - if I had my way, it would be an endangered species