“They’re really trying to make this latest effort spectacular,” Star Wars fanatic Bubba Fett of Little Rock, Arkansas said. “The Swiss Army light saber is spectacular but also highly practical. You can open up a bottle with it or thread a needle as well as impale your enemy.”

Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He’s really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider buying him a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!