Rambling, rumbling, rumination

The Temperature of Thanks

We needed to replace our furnace last week, and were without heat in our home (aside from some space heaters) for three nights. Temperatures around here that week were below freezing (around the mid twenties Fahrenheit). It was an uncomfortable few days.

My personal thermostat is generally about 10 degrees cooler than that of most people; I’ve always liked it cold. Still, I have little children and a wife who likes it warm, and I couldn’t help but feel incompetent for not taking care of them better.

So now we have a new, much more efficient furnace. Nobody got sick because of the time in the cold, but it could have been a lot worse.

I’m thankful for the pair of guys who put the new furnace in. It might have been easy to look down on them as they did their “grunt” work, but they were professional, competent and performed a service I couldn’t have done. To be honest, they probably have far better reason to look down on me for sitting at a desk all day, making a game.

I’m thankful none of us got sick.

I’m thankful for a kind wife who didn’t yell at me, even though I felt I deserved it.

I’m thankful that I have a job that allows me to have the money to pay for the new furnace. We’re not top wage earners, but we have enough for our needs, and we live within our means. I’m thankful that is possible, and that my family has a history of financial prudence.

…

As always, I also have tangential thoughts.

One, it’s always nice to be thanked. There’s a rush of satisfaction and warmth that comes with genuine thanks, and it can warm the soul like few other things can. There is also the personal peace that comes with living a life worthy of being thanked. There’s also a special kind of warmth that comes from doing things worth being thanked for, but doing them anonymously.

Two, I remember a moment of contrast that reminds me of those cold nights.

I was a missionary for the LDS church in Alabama for two years. (My little brother is going to the same mission here in a couple of weeks, curiously enough.) I spent a few months in the bowels of Birmingham. A couple of white guys in the inner city of a Deep Southern town just didn’t fit in. There were genuinely scary moments, and some genuinely threatening people. (Of course, some saw us as a threat as well, albeit in a slightly different light.)

I was young, preoccupied, and somewhat scared the day that we walked past a fellow sleeping in a doorwell. He looked rather disheveled, and probably asleep. It wasn’t cold at that time of the year, but when you’re sleeping on cement in the shadow, with only a single blanket, you’re not going to be comfortable. His skin happened to be darker than mine, his appearance far less presentable.

And I was afraid of him.

I don’t know his story, and I may never know. We walked on by, and didn’t bother him. We didn’t speak of it, so I can’t speak for my companion, but there were warring factions in my mind and heart. My mission was to uplift and serve. I wanted to help the fellow in whatever way I could.

But I was afraid.

Perhaps he was a drunk, sleeping off a binge. Maybe he would wake up blindly swinging. And what would he think of a couple of white boys in Sunday attire, rousing him from his nap? We had more than our share of racial tensions to deal with when people saw us coming from a distance. Up close and personal might be even more dangerous. As missionaries, we also had our share of religious bigotry to deal with, and layered on top of racial and sociopolitical tensions, we could be in some very tight situations. A guy sleeping in a doorway just presented a lot of unknowns.

I wanted to help, but I was afraid.

I didn’t remember Paul:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)

It is a terrible, bitter cold, when one is left to wonder “am I that Levite?” or “why didn’t I help?” As I’ve noted elsewhere, charity to me is a way of life, a set of actions guided by a pure love of your fellow beings. As one man put it:

It’s not a check to an Organization, or a handful of coins in the Salvation Army bucket on your way out the door with a hundred dollars’ worth of food. It’s not something done for attention, tax breaks, or donor perks. It’s simply something you do because it’s the right thing to do, it’s very personal, and it’s more about the giving than the receiving, even receiving thanks. It’s about doing the right thing, no matter what.

So yes, I am grateful for a lot of things. I’ve tried to live a life where other people can be grateful for my existence. I don’t always get it right, and I’m thankful for those who forgive me when I mess up.

You have to move on in life and not get stuck in past mistakes… but you have to learn from them, too. So what would I do today in the same position?

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15 Responses

I remember being in the tube, once, with friends. We saw a couple of guys enter the tube and start bothering a couple of others loudly. I wanted to help, but I was petrified with fear that things might get ugly.
A first station passed, then a second, and they only got louder. Finally, one of my friends said “ok that’s enough” and got up. I followed immediately and we went to them muscles rolling.
Turns out, the 4 were friends, and did it to make people uncomfortable, or to see who would move, I don’t recall.
Relief.
Only, they started stalking us after that for the rest of the trip. Even when we got off the tube, they got off too, following us, asking us if we had liked their little show.
Real uncomfortable…

There was also this guy I saw in the train, who claimed to have lost his credit card and needed a bit more money to go home once the train arrived. I gave him some, as did other people.
Two weeks later, he had lost his credit card again. I was too stunned to move and thought I mas mistaken.
Two weeks later, same guy again. I confronted him, he told me I was mistaken, but no one gave him anything.
Until I stopped taking the train some weeks later, I would confront him everytime and he would tell me I was mistaken each and everyone.

That… Does not help me have faith in the human being. I find it hard enough to gather inner strength to help people, but so many times, you just get screwed…

By the way, there’s no religion behind my actions. I’m just Lawful Stupid (unlike Batman (is there a way to embed an image in a comment? Or have it as a link in a word)

wow tesh, didn’t know you were LDS. me too. served a mission as well, several years back. very cool. would be amazing if my little brother ended up in the same mission as me, although extremely unlikely given where i went and the current state-side push.

i’m the type of guy that tries to be thankful for what i have every day so that when thanksgiving rolls around, it’s just business as usual. 😉

i should mention also that for many years i’ve been kind of a jerk when it comes to giving up my actual time and efforts to the less fortunate. so in that way, i’m a very ungrateful and selfish person. but i’ve been improving lately. for sure. realizing that just because i might not think someone may be worthy of my time or my money doesn’t mean they actually are, and regardless, it’s not my place to judge. it’s MUCH easier to escape a situation like that by judging and making an excuse about why you can’t help instead of confronting the truth and doing your duty for your fellow man. but i’ve learned that something being difficult, something you resist, is often a very good indicator that it’s the right thing to do.

Words of wisdom indeed, adam. Thanks! You’re very right, it’s easy to just pull in and ignore other people. Sometimes you have to do that to maintain sanity, but too much self-centeredness can be a problem.

Where did you serve?

Aye, I’m LDS, and the gospel is very important to me. I just don’t make a big deal out of it since it has a tendency to rile up allergies on the internet. I’m not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, but it’s not often discussed rationally on anonymous forums. Beside that, I’d rather people judge my actions and thoughts presented here on their own merit, not whether or not I happen to be LDS or anything else.

*gasp! I’m a religious, conservative white guy in America! How many stereotypes can I embody so that people can use them to attack my character and ignore what I say!* 😉

i served in mozambique, ’02-’04. when i arrived there, i was the 48th missionary to ever serve in the country, and one of about 20 present at the time. it had only been open to missionary work since ’99. even now i would guess there are only around 50-60 there. so the chances of my brother ending up there are pretty slim.

and yes, same as you, the gospel and the church are very important to me, but i keep it to myself online since it’s difficult enough to confess you’re religious, let alone LDS. it’s not being embarrassed or ashamed, it’s just that once you admit something like that, it’s very difficult not to be defined by it–and as a result, like you said, rational discussion is often lost.

and just like you, i keep my demographic to myself as well. we conservative, white Christian guys have to be subtle, lest we lose credibility through no fault of our own.

Happy thanksgiving Mordran, Tesh, Adam, Robert and the rest! P.S. I don’t like to be defined by what people “think” I believe either, I usually don’t go announcing these things but I went to the Italy Rome mission and Anton went somewhere in South America I think, we worked together at a studio at BYU I was a flash programmer and he was an animator (2 and 3D). He helped built pajama gladiator and las pinatas and a number of other shorts for BYU. He helped me with the art for my second rpg game I made. That’s how we met. Hope your pipes didn’t get damaged or burst, that’s the danger when you house gets col like that.

Yeah, we dodged the “bust pipes” bullet. At least, as far as we can tell. All in all, we’re pretty lucky.

Kelly Loosli did a presentation at the Orem library a couple of weeks ago, and I finally got to see Pajama Gladiator and Las Pinatas in full, as well as Kites. I was a TD on Lemmings, and as much as I’ve tried to keep in touch, I just hadn’t seen all of those yet.

Small world sometimes. 🙂

I’d love to go back to BYU and teach, but that’s a fair bit down the road. I need a terminal degree and all that. *shrug*

Look, I know about your faith, and I’m not meaning anything about that. I think people very, very much underestimate how much behavior is not solvable by simply help or encouragement, and how much your help gets wasted.

If a guy is sleeping on a street, it’s not because he is an average joe down on his luck, and a bought cup of coffee and a tract will set him aright. It could be because the local mental health hospital closed down, and he was released to the population without anyone to take care of him. You cannot help that-not without making an amount of change that would bankrupt you alone.

If you see someone holding up a sign saying “Will work for food. God bless you.” He isn’t doing it because he hasn’t eaten in days. He is doing it to get free money for drugs or booze.

It’s sad. There are people that legitimately need help, but even the religious don’t really mean it. I don’t mean you man, you are a good guy, and it shows you have a good heart to be concerned. But don’t beat yourself up over stuff that can only be changed systematically, and only then if the right changes are made. And if people want to change too.

Aye, I know what you’re talking about Dblade, and I know you mean no insult. You’re right, the pragmatic notion is that such a person may not want help, or is really messed up. My fear was *not* irrational. It may well have been the right thing to keep moving… but the point is, I may never know.

If our own personal setting is “help if possible, *want* to help if not possible”, I think that our heart is in the right place. Charity is a personal level thing for me, but yes, panhandlers take advantage of good people. There’s a balance in there somewhere, driven by discretion and discernment.

As in so many other things, learning that balance is tricky, and a life’s work.

There are many of us who blog about MMOs who are followers of Jesus Christ. It’s not something that I like to talk about on my blog as it deals primarily with virtual worlds.

The MMO culture as well as the Internet culture is quite often very liberal and progressive. People of faith who have traditional values are like sheep among wolves in this realm. Talking about your beliefs in an amoral world where everything is relative is risky and can open one up to ridicule and scorn.

The solution for Christian bloggers who are still in the closet is to lead by example. Be positive, respectful, dignified and compassionate to others in your writings. I know that’s easier said than done (I have failed too often) when you have to deal with the anonymous culture of the Internet.

That said, there are wonderful people you meet via blogs, forums and of course in-game while you play.

I’ll never forget what happened once when I played EverQuest back in the early 2000’s. It was in Steamfont Mountains that I ran into a male gnome player. He told me that he was a young student and thinking of quitting the game as he was worried that EQ was taking too much time away from his worship of the Lord.

I was blown away by that sense of maturity and wisdom in a person so young. That clarity of thought really moved me and has stuck with me to this day with regard to balancing your leisure time with the things that really matter: faith and family.

I too often wonder what to do when I see pan-handlers or homeless people. My heart wants to help them but my mind tells me that maybe they are professional beggars as I see them on the same street corner each day. Also, if you give them money are you just enabling them and making matters worse if they just buy more booze and drugs?

That said, I try to help people when I see them in need or in trouble. Helping people is great but putting yourself in danger is not wise. Fear is feeling that you need to respect and listen to if it taps you on the shoulder.

@adam I work in San Francisco as a UI developer for a financial company. Anton works in Utah for two or three game making companies as an artist/animator.

And I agree some people are dangerous and sometimes the most charitable thing to do is to leave them alone and donate to an organization that takes care of the homeless instead. (Though you have to be careful which ones of those also, many non-profit organizations use half their funds for themselves)