Dick Cheney Joins Church of Scientology

No one had ever seen Mr. Cheney smile--and then Miscavige told him how much he would be allowed to skim off the top.

Omaha, NE It was announced today that former vice-president Dick Cheney has joined the Church of Scientology and will attend Scientology classes at the Celebrity Center of Casper, Wyoming. He will be its only member (the church has also been trying to recruit pitcher Tom Browning, the other Casper celebrity).

"It is very exciting to welcome Vice-President Cheney to our church that is in no way a cult. We have always been interested in vice and long been a fan of Mr. Cheney's work," spoke head of Scientology David Miscavige.

The repressive church has been abuzz since it was announced that Mr. Cheney will become a member. "He looks like our founder and god, L. Ron Hubbard and we are always looking for more brainwashing techniques. And who better to wash brains than Mr. Waterboard himself?" spoke Alan D. Castle, a giddy $cientology adherent.

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