﻿Diary of A Dead Artist #2﻿

Pain is pain when you feel your body. I used to wake up everyday feeling pain. Now I am dead I feel no more pain. No pain no gain. That’s what they say. But my numbed heart is like a pain no explanation can I offer, the pain of no pain swears on the body of dead nerves like the cross that we bear if only we were to understand how blind we are in our daily lives. Yes I know you may not see it if I shaft it under your king’s nose. No you will not be able to sniff me out cause I am already dead and gone and also because the noses of kings and queens point long and high towards the sky.

There was a time when i was a bundle of sensations swinging like a pendulum between pain of the deepest kind. The pain that every body had suffered from the beginning of mankind to the euphoric sensations of joy of pleasure.I used to wake every day to the sensation of pain, every morning it was the pain before I could feel anything else that needed an urgent response. Before anything else, I felt pain. It was the first thing I felt every morning. A twitch, a stabbing, a bitching… If it was not on my knee, it would be my back, or it would be my neck or just the knuckles of the fingers of my hands. It wouldn’t be so bad if I had my wife by me, just to hear her breathing sounds under the blankets would help me not to feel like this pain could just all end only when I die. It would help make it more bearable. But when I was alone sometimes it felt like this pain would drag me down. All the way down. All the way down to HELL!!!

No No No I would get up shake these pain off with a will to fight that demon motherfucker killjoy giving me the privilege of a title, or some say the crown of the clown and yet taking away my body and my name. I want to fly in the sky with my body and my own name.

Using my own will power to do what I want. When you see a man walk down the road with a certainty of every step you take. Every step you take. BUT sometimes I look around and can’t really tell whether we are we or what we are whether we are in heaven or are we in hell. I can never tell. Between the heaven and hell. I could never tell. I could never tell.