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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Garden (Time Out) Meditation

Welcome to the July Mindful Mama Carnival: Mindfulness and NatureThis post was written for inclusion in the Mindful Mama Carnival hosted by Becoming Crunchy and TouchstoneZ.

This month our participants have shared their experiences of mindfulness and the natural world. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

It's almost nap time and we've had a challenging morning. Daniel is alternating between screaming and whining about something which I'm not sure I totally understand. To help cope with his big emotions, he's begun to kick me repeatedly from his seat next to me on the couch.

After several attempts at redirecting this energy into other (less painful) outlets to no avail, I stand up and tell him, "I feel upset when I hear screaming and whining. Kicking hurts my body and it hurts my feelings. I need to take a break." There may be some protest, but after a couple repetitions of, "I'll be right back," I've succeeded in retreating—glass of water in hand—out the back door and into the fresh air.

I sit down on the back steps...and I can breathe again. (So I do!) I draw in full, deep breaths of cool air, savoring the extra oxygen, the smells of the outdoors, and feeling the change inside my body.

I don't have an agenda; there are no tasks to be completed. Somehow, though, I end up wandering out into the yard and into my vegetable garden.

I visit one group of plants: inspecting their leaves, admiring their delicate flowers, feeling a flash of excitement when I see a new ripening fruit. Wait—is that a tiny welling of pride? I notice that I feel gratified and satisfied in the part I've played in cultivating these simple miracles of plant life. From tiny seed to hearty, food-bearing vine, I was there to witness and hold the space for every intermediate step.

I move on to the next area, repeating my inspections and ritual of admiration. I may redirect a stray sprout or right a tipping stalk, but my aim is not to get things done. Like a mother absentmindedly grooming her baby as he nurses, I'm simply focusing my energy and attention on these growing things: showing them some love.

In turn, as I open my mind and my energy, Mother Nature pours in beauty, light, and life.

Somewhere along the way (when I wasn't paying attention) all the anger and frustration I was feeling simply disappeared from my body. I am no longer thinking of all the tasks on my "To Do" list, of strategies to try to help Daniel with emotional regulation...of all the things that were distracting me from being able to focus on the present.

As I exhale, the difficult morning moment drifts away on the Summer breeze.

I inhale, and I'm filled with new energy, a focused sense of purpose and perspective. I've experienced a renewal of spirit that can only be found outside. My cup is full once again.

Garden (Time Out) Meditation Do you ever need a time out for yourself? Amy at Anktangle finds that during a difficult parenting moment, taking pause to spend a few minutes outside is just the thing she needs to be able to experience renewed patience, focus, and energy.

15 comments:

Sometimes that's just what we need - to go to a place of wonder and take it all in. The garden is a great place for that.

Also, let me thank you for describing your son's behavior. My son has started to do the same thing when he's frustrated: he sits next to me and kicks me, and for some reason it just lights my fuse, which really surprises me because I am generally really patient. There's just something about kicking that triggers a negative reaction. Next time I think I'll just get up, walk away, and take a moment for myself. Maybe in my garden!

When he's unable to redirect his energy elsewhere with some prompting ("Kicking hurts me. Please kick this pillow/stuffed animal/ball instead."), then I really just have to remove myself bodily from the situation and take time to regroup.

that raspberry looks so delicious! I find myself appreciating my garden in a whole new way this year (my first summer as a mother) as well...and...concerned where I will find my center come winter!! I find myself short on mothering role models, so I must admit I really admire the way you handled Daniel's "alternating between screaming and whining about something which I'm not sure I totally understand. To help cope with his big emotions, he's begun to kick me repeatedly from his seat next to me on the couch." I hope I can be so patient when my turn comes.P.S. I love your blog

Thank you so much! I've been practicing a lot with the way I talk with Daniel about things he's doing that are hurtful or dangerous. It's important to me to be gentle with him when it comes to "discipline," and this is one of the ways I take care of my own needs so that I can better help him to regulate his emotions. Bonus (his OT pointed this out to me recently): it models for him how to prioritize self-care and make choices about what kinds of interactions he wants to have with others. I'm by no means perfect at it, but I'm a work in progress! ;)

As my daughter has recently decided that I am her personal jungle gym, I find myself empathizing with that aspect of what you've written! And I think to often I let it get to a point that I'm just too frustrated, when taking that break at an opportune time would be so much better for all involved. Thank you for that reminder.

As for the garden - there is little else I find that inspires such pride! Definitely a place for relief and renewal...

What a beautiful example you're setting for Daniel, and for those of us (me) who struggle with finding a way to take those meditative moments when we need them. The garden can such a perfect place to found peace! Thanks for this, Amy.

I struggle with it, too...which is why, when I *do* find something that works for me, I'm happy to share it. It helps me to remember that I'm taking those times out for both of us, which helps it to feel less self-serving.

Wow you are one mindful mama! You set a great example on how to deal with whining kids with patience -one that I as mama of three can learn from - my ideals have slipped a long way as each add to the madness and noise levels.