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Stripper: Whatta you got?
Casey, handing her three books of cd's: Can I interest you in some neutral milk hotel?
Stripper: Neuter what? What is all this shit?
Casey: Good music.
Stripper: I've never heard of any of these. You got any R&B?
Casey, hiding the Ginuwine: Uh, how 'bout some Massive Attack? Maybe I can interest you in some Lovage? Love that lovage, baby.
Stripper: Maybe you should get some Music that I like.
Casey: Maybe you should eat up a bowl of dick.

Stripper: Whatta you got?
Casey, handing her three books of cd's: Can I interest you in some neutral milk hotel?
Stripper: Neuter what? What is all this shit?
Casey: Good music.
Stripper: I've never heard of any of these. You got any R&B?
Casey, hiding the Ginuwine: Uh, how 'bout some Massive Attack? Maybe I can interest you in some Lovage? Love that lovage, baby.
Stripper: Maybe you should get some Music that I like.
Casey: Maybe you should eat up a bowl of dick.

That reminds me of a conversation from the only time I went to a strip club:

Stripper: Hi.
Phil: Hello.
Stripper: How you are?
Phil: You sound Russian.
Stripper: I am Ukrainian.
Phil: Ah. Paka. Cagdilla?
Stripper: Haracho.
Phil: Gdie maya sabaka? Ya nye znayou.
Stripper: You speak Russian very good.
Phil: Thank you. Can I help you?
Stripper: I can help you.
Phil: I see.
Stripper: You buy me champagne?
Phil: I'd rather buy you a beer.
Stripper: No, you think I'm pretty?
Phil: I suppose.
Stripper: Then you buy me champagne, okay? We have fun.
Phil: Look, all I can afford is a beer. And I don't want to buy someone else a beer, because frankly you're making me want to drink. If I buy you champagne, which, remember, I cannot afford, then I suppose the next step will be you taking me by the hand and leading me to a private booth, where you will "entertain" me.
Stripper: So?
Phil: I don't want to be entertained right now. And I can't afford champagne. That stuff is 300 $. I have about 7 $. And, come on, I know we're the only customers here, but you don't need to try this every chance you get, right?
Stripper: So you no buy me champagne?
Phil: Nope, I will not buy you champagne. This date isn't going very well, is it.
Stripper: What? You speak too fastly.
Phil: Okay, look. No champagne, no sex, no conversation, okay? Let me be that grumpy customer you're expected to avoid. Anyways, you could buy [I]me [/I]some champagne, since you're so eager to have a few sips.
Stripper: I don't want so much champagne.
Phil: Then you see where I'm coming from.

This took place in a little strip club in Kentucky. I think it was called The Brass Ass. If you ever get a chance to go there, don't go there.

Stripper, missing two front teeth sits down at our table : Need a drink?
Me: sure, I'll have a Bass
Stripper goes and comes back with two beers: Here you go thats $___
Me: Why'd you bring two? I only wanted one?
Shifty Owner walks over and explains: When one of the girls sits with you, you need to buy them a drink also. It's the Gentlemanly way after all.
Me, speechless looks at toothless stripper: Uh look, here's the money for my drink but i think we're going now
Stripper: You don't want to have a drink with me?
Me: No, that's alright
Buddies I'm with: :giggle giggle giggle:

I got invited to these chicks' house at around 3am after partying all night two night ago. I came in and proceeded directly to the fridge. I was hammered.

ME: You got anything to eat?
CHICK: Do you always go through people's fridge when you first meet them?
ME: Yes. It says alot about their character. What's in the to-go box? (pulls out the box)
CHICK: I don't know.
ME: (opening the box) There's like 4 french fries in here.
CHICK: And?
ME: And who requests a to-go box for 4 fucking french fries?
CHICK: There was a sandwich in there too, dumbass. I already ate it.
ME: And you put the box with 4 french fries back in the fridge? You were saving those for another meal?
CHICK: Get out.

Youve got to make yourself more available to the [I]children[/I].
Theyre much more pleasant when you make them laugh.

One time I was just walking down the street and there was this little boy (maybe 2 years old) running away from his parents and crying. He saw me, stopped in front of me and smiled. Stopped crying and just smiled. As soon as his parents got to him he started bawling again but thats beside the point.

Little girls always seem to be nervous around me. Not in a creepy way or whatever. Not everytime but more so than not, kids come into my store and are very scared of me. I can only imagine what some who read this are thinking but it's not like that. I guess I may be imidating to kids. If I can get them to open up, ie. let them pet the live lobsters or show them some cool fish, etc. they love me but if I never get the opportunity to do that, they just make me feel like I'm scary or creepy or something.

Oh, I thought he was talking about you misspelling uncontrollably twice.

Fairly dyslexic.
Not fixing it.

And I remember when I was little that when I acted scared around an older person it was usually cause I thought he was handsome. Now, that might not be the case with you, shrimpn, but its just a thought.

And I remember when I was little that when I acted scared around an older person it was usually cause I thought he was handsome. Now, that might not be the case with you, shrimpn, but its just a thought.

That's usually what I take it as. I wasn't gonna say that on here, cause you know how some people are. But when the little girl runs and hides behind her mom who is eye-fucking you, it's pretty safe to say that it wasn't because you're scary in a physical way.

He: So I just wanted to thank you for showing me how to use the internet
Me: Yeah... no prob, Bob. I mean OSullivan.
He: If it wasnt for you I wouldnt have gotten the juicer.
Me: No, you wouldve gotten it. Just wouldve taken longer. Where is the juicer, by the way?
He: The Jack laLane Juicer?
Me: The one you got today. Yeah.
He: Its in my car.
Me: Good place for it.
He: Well its where everything else is.
Me: Always thinkin ahead.

Me: Wanna fight?
Mom: But I dont have a sword.
Me: Its okay. You can use this stick.
Mom: But then it would be a stick fight.
Me: But I would have a stick too so it would be okay.
Mom: Those sticks are too big
Me: Well, we could use those canes near the fireplace
Mom: Megan, Im not fighting you.
Me: But you said before that you would
Mom: Im not fighting you.
Me: What if we use spaghetti?
Mom: No.
Me: OSullivan'll fight me.
Mom: Go ask. I need another cocktail.

this crackhead is always coming into our office and this is what happened once.

crackhead: can anyone spare me a pound for a coffee?
us: no, sorry....
crackhead: please, just for a coffee
repeat
repeat
repeat
my boss: you want a coffee? the kettle's just boiled - I'll make you one
(he hands over the coffee and ushers him outside)
crackhead: can you spare me a pound for some cake?

I had this conversation a couple years ago and it has stuck with me for some reason.
I think because I was 24 and she was like 14; out of the blue she comes up and harasses me about my attire. Of course, now that I wear clothes that fit, it's kind of a moot point.

Random Girl: Why do you wear your pants like that?
Me: Like what?
R.Girl: With the cuffs rolled up at the bottom?
Me: Because if I don't, they drag on the ground and get torn up. I like these pants.
R.Girl: Well, that's not [I]the style[/I].
Me(dumbfounded): Well... I don't really care about [I]the style[/I].
R.Girl: [I]tsk[/I] Obviously.

mom: *pointing at my bottle of water* you better put that in the fridge soon
me: why?
mom: otherwise, it'll go bad
me: ........................water doesn't go bad
mom: .......well..........it'll grow a bunch of bacteria and stuff
me: I don't think a closed bottle of water will grow a colony of deadly bacteria in a matter of hours
mom:.................

She didn't have anything to watch on TV, so she wouldn't stop bothering me

Girl: Is that your girlfriend?
Phil: Yes.
Girl: Break up with her.
Phil: Why?
Girl: You know why.
Phil: No, I do not know why.
Girl: You [I]know [/I]why.
Phil: No, I do not fucking know why. Why should I break up with her?
Girl (walking away): Well, you had your chance.

Girl: Is that your girlfriend?
Phil: Yes.
Girl: Break up with her.
Phil: Why?
Girl: You know why.
Phil: No, I do not know why.
Girl: You [I]know [/I]why.
Phil: No, I do not fucking know why. Why should I break up with her?
Girl (walking away): Well, you had your chance.

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