Last Friday night my little man’s dad came to get him as per usual, I gave the little man a hug & kiss and said have a great night and day. About 10 minutes later there was a knock at the door; my first thought was ‘bloody marketers’ but low and behold it was my little man with his dad. His dad said “he doesn’t want to be with me so I’ll see him next week.” I must have looked dumbstruck as when we were together he always forced his children to see him on his weekends. I asked the little man if he was ok and why he didn’t want to go to dads that night. He said “the other kids are there and don’t want to go.” He’s three so I thought ok extra time for me on the weekend! Selfish I know but I’ll take all the time I can.

Yesterday I thought I’d do the right thing and ask the ex what happened in the car so we could work on it together. Why oh why did I do that as I received an essay back saying everything I was doing wrong. I will give you a highlight from each paragraph.

My farewell is a song and dance and clingy with hugs and kisses whilst his is quick and clean.

Apparently it has happened before (never mentioned to me) and he didn’t want to deal with it again. I give to many kisses which makes him not want to leave me as I’ll be utterly miserable without him.

Rare for me say goodbye once and then move away, apparently I hover and wave to the little man.

The little man is always happy to see me at pick ups and not in tears (why this is my fault not sure).

The ex has trouble engaging the little man in conversation, thinks his sullen & withdrawn. Ignores his new wife and the other five kids, again how is this my fault?

I need to curtail my farewells reigning in my goodbyes so that the little man’s head is in the “right” space and to enforce how good a time he’ll have at his dads!

Not allowed to empty the letterbox on the exes time as gives mixed messages to the little man??? A simple goodbye at the door and no hover in the future.

Improve his self confidence so he doesn’t cling to legs when he goes to school (two years away), and that separation is not a bad thing.

The ex has an intolerance to his bad manners because he says ‘I want’ instead of ‘may I please’.

Appreciate my consideration on these points.

Why oh why did I ask the question???? I’d like to say that my little man is quite fine saying goodbye to me at daycare & kinder as well as any other time I might leave him. His manners are bloody good for a three year old and I’m sorry a mother is allowed to hug and kiss her child at goodbye and I don’t hover at all I just show affection to my son. Yes I miss him when he’s not with me and I tell him this occasionally, he now says ‘I miss you mum’. I don’t believe this is bad or detrimental to his development or impacts on him wanting to go to his dads house. As for ignoring your wife and kids who can blame him when there are five other kids there and by the sounds of it he is left to his own devices most of the time or dragged to their sporting events.

I could rant all night but won’t. We went out for dinner tonight to Pinocchio’s pizza and they had drawings around the restaurant. I hope my exes lies make his nose grow and to stop blaming me because he can’t relate/deal with his son whilst in his care.

Some nights I have a little visitor that comes into my bed with Pooh Bear. I don’t mind this too much except for when he decides to lie horizontal across the bed and kicks me in the chest, stomach or back. Not an easy way to fall back asleep at 4.00am or 5.00am; especially on a work day when the alarm goes off at 5.45am any way! Maybe I should be getting out of bed when my visitor arrives and go and do some exercise instead?!?

I don’t want to encourage this behaviour and it is certainly not every night he is with me but it is becoming a bit more regular than I would like and I am wrecked by the weekend. The other night I was smothered by Pooh Bear thrown in my face and a little head landing on him on me. My munchkin has ‘scratched’ a hole in Pooh Bear’s bottom so I have stitched a Bob the Builder patch over it and he now scratches this to get himself to sleep or not even realising he is doing it in his sleep – so annoying. Maybe it is time I got out of my bed and went into his instead and had a nearly full night’s sleep.

Bob the Builder on Pooh’s bottom

I am not sure what prompted him to start coming into my bed. Is it because he is away from me two nights a week and every second week at his dad’s there are up to 6 children and it is all too much for him? I have asked if he gets into his dad’s bed and he has said no, which doesn’t surprise me as there is no way he would allow it EVER.

When he wakes up we have the best little chats in bed about nothing in particular but I find them so sweet and funny. I also get to give him lots of kisses and ask for a few in return as well. To wake up or watch your sleeping child is so calming and something you cherish forever; I will never forget this time with him even though I am losing a couple or more hours of sleep each time it happens.

I figure as long as he knows he is loved and nurtured at our house then his world can keep spinning on the axis it is and make him feel as secure as possible. Pooh Bear I am sure makes him the most secure as he is taken everywhere with him/us.