Tag: stress

Moving house is a massive task. As we were moving, lots of people kept telling us that it was up there with divorce as one of the biggest/most stressful things you can do in your life. It takes over your life, and however much you tell yourself it’ll be fine and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, when you’re actually living it, it can be a struggle. During our move, I made a few notes about things I was doing to help cope with stress/keep organised, and I’m going to share them with you now. I hope they might help someone out there!

MAKE PRIORITY LISTS

Undoubtedly, you’re going to be buying new things for your new place (woo!). If this is your first house, you’ll be buying loads of furniture. If it’s a new build you’ll be buying curtain rails and carpets too. Or if you’re a seasoned pro and have been in your old house for a number of years, you’re moving into a new space, so there’s bound to be SOMETHING you need. Make a list, browse online, go to the furniture outlet near you, and make decisions about what you’re going to do. Don’t leave it till the last minute coz you’ll just be creating more stress for yourself!

TAKE CONTROL OF WHAT YOU CAN

When so many aspects of buying/moving house are out of your control, it can be easy to feel totally powerless. And I suppose you are; your life, your future, is in somebody else’s hands – someone who isn’t emotionally invested and working 24/7 to make this venture happen. So if you’re panicking, or freaking out, take control over what you can, like organising your packing, or going shopping for new furnishings/furniture. You’ll feel better for it (rather than just sitting home, waiting for an email or phone call), and it means when the trigger’s pulled, you’re ON IT!

ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES

Whilst you can take control of what you can, sometimes you just have to accept the rubbish that comes with moving. It’s NEVER going to be a straight forward process, so it gets to a point where you just have to go with it, accept that only in a perfect world would it be a quick, easy, painless process. I found that once I accepted this and just went with it, I stressed a little less.

USE WORK AS A DISTRACTION

Whether you’re still in the purchasing process, or whether you’re into the move itself – allow yourself to take time away from it, and work is the perfect time to do this. When you’re home, your life is completely disrupted (you’re constantly reminded when the place is littered with boxes, half your stuff is missing and your telly’s sitting on the floor!). So when you’re at work, try not to let the move bother you. During the move, when I was in work I COMPLETELY immersed myself, and it really helped.

ENLIST THE HELP OF OTHERS

Family, friends neighbours – if they offer, accept their help with big thanks! There’s soooo much to do, and splitting the work load makes the task much smaller.

LABEL EVERY BAG AND BOX

So I was really good at this, I went labelling CRAZY – until we were packing up the last minute stuff. Those every day things that sit lonely in cupboards or out on the side ever since you packed up the other 98% of your belongings. All the last minute stuff happens in such a rush (coz there’s a lot more than you realise and you have to get out), and all our stuff got thrown into various bags and boxes. Which meant that when we got to the house, I could tell you exactly where the wooden spoons and the tealight holders were, but not the shampoo or pyjamas were. Not ideal.

KNOW THAT IT WILL GET BETTER

However stressed you are, however overwhelming it all is – it WILL get better, there IS an end to all of this – and when you get there, it’ll be the BEST feeling! You’ll be in your new place, you’ll absolutely love it, and the stress will slowly melt away.

RESCUE REMEMDY

And if all else fails – a couple of drops of Rescue Remedy will calm you down! It was my driving teacher that introduced it to me, and it’s a handy little bottle to have around when it all gets a bit too much.

If you’re in the middle of moving, about to move, or just nosey (coz moving is always bound to happen!) – I hope that one or two tips help you out.

I’m writing this post at the end of January, just over 3 months before our wedding. And I have no idea what’s to come in the next few months of planning, but I’m currently lying in bed at 1am, unable to sleep because I’m feeling stressed and anxious. And I’m absolutely DONE with this feeling taking over and spoiling my experience, so I’m going to find a way to deal and manage it!

Every element of wedding planning is a mammoth task, it all takes so much TIME and there’s SO MANY things involved with each element you’re planning. Even something as simple as *wracks brain trying to think of the easiest part of wedding planning so far* the favours, can be turned into a marathon of multiple emails, tastings, design ideas, design approval, deposits, invoices, contract signing, final preparations…all with a smile on your face – because it’s your wedding, of course! Even listing it doesn’t seem to give it the credit it deserves! Whilst it’s very easy to say ‘just ask for help’, it’s really not as simple as that, when you’re the one managing the day. It’s incredibly time consuming and life encompassing, and there’s no way around that (unless you have someone else planning it for you)! I assume that it’ll be much easier to ask for help when the day gets closer and we need help organising and doing, rather than just the booking/planning that I’m doing now.

So, it’s only natural, that whilst you’re trying to plan the wedding you’ve dreamed of since you were a kid, manage your budget and keep everyone happy (along with everything else going on with planning and, you know, WORK and LIFE), you allow your mental health to deteriorate. It’s so easily done, but I really hope I can find a way around this.

The plan: to make a list of things that I think I might help alleviate these feelings. And then make a conscious effort to take my own advice over the next couple of months – I’m one of those people happy to give advice, but terrible at taking my own! I pray it works. Shout out to my incredible Maid of Honour (I know you’re technically a ‘matron’ because you’re married, but it doesn’t have the same ring to it!), who’s been so wise and supportive when I’ve needed her (as always). And a couple of her pointers made this list. I love you girl 💖

1. Make a checklist 📝

I’m a sucker for a checklist anyway, but with SO many things to do, any bride will want one! It’s an overwhelming list, and I find it so easy to see all the things I’m yet to do, panic, and try to do everything as soon as I can! But that’s not realistic, not when half of the things on there won’t/can’t happen till 4 weeks before the big day! But checking things off as you get them done will really help.

2. Formal planning time 📚

Related to point 1…have a list with dates of when you can/need to do things by. It shows that you’re on top of things and that you don’t need to have everything finished just yet! Then step back and distance yourself. Have a date/time each week when you review the list to check your progress…this way, you don’t need to think about it the rest of the time.

3. Make time to spend with a loved one 💕

Ban all wedding talk if you want, or take the opportunity to vent, but set a coffee date with a special person. Someone who you know will distract you/calm you down/let you talk your frustrations out/talk you through problems.

4. Equally, make time for you 😌

Find an activity that you find peaceful and calming, and devote time to that, and that alone – don’t get distracted! Reading in the bath, colouring, yoga – whatever it is, set aside time for you and it, and allow yourself to become completely immersed in ‘chill’.

5. Talk to your venue contact 💒

They do this for a living, it’s second nature. So if you have a question, why are you stressing about not knowing, assuming an answer, or googling it? Ask! You’ll feel better!

6. Write down any problems 📓

My wonderful Maid of Honour once told me (years ago now!) to keep a notepad by my bedside for any of those nights when you have a million things flying round your head. This has proved to be invaluable advice, as the nights are when I seem to struggle most with overthinking. Sometimes even writing a problem down, without necessarily solving it, can make you feel better.

7. Be honest 💬

Talk things out with your fiancé, bridesmaid, parent, sibling or friend, don’t keep it all bottled up. Even just getting things out in the open and off your chest can feel like a weight’s been lifted. They love you, they’ll take the time to listen, and help if they can.

8. Get some fresh air 🍃

Whether you go on a walk by yourself in silence or with your earphones in, fresh air will do you the world of good!

9. Plan a month in advance 📆

This was a piece of advice I saw on a website over summer. The woman had planned her wedding, imagining it was a month earlier…which meant that even the smaller things (that you might forget about, or stress over at the last minute) like service cards, tealights and bathroom basket were taken care of! This left her and her fiance with a calm and stress free few weeks in the run up to the wedding. I can’t remember where I read it, otherwise I would give credit, but organisation Queen over here loves that idea! I hope it works…

10. It’s YOUR DAY make YOUR DECISIONS 👰🤵

SO many people have said this to me. And thankyou, I salute you, because this has turned into a little mantra. There’s so much drama that can go on with a wedding, from family politics to the table runners being the wrong shade of blue. Whilst you will accommodate certain needs and politely take suggestions into consideration, remember it’s YOUR DAY. This is the first page of a brand new book, and the start of the rest of your lives together. For everyone else there, however close you are – it’s just another (very lovely, hopefully!) day. If you know that there’s a certain detail or two that will stress you out for months in advance, or you’ll hate on the day, just don’t do it, simple!

11. Take a breath, try and find a solution 💪

Whether your brain’s in a muddle over the seating plan for the third hour, the vendor you really wanted to use can’t supply a specific item you had your heart set on, or you can’t have the band/DJ you wanted – it’ll be okay. Naturally, when it’s your wedding, every task becomes personal because you invest so much in it. Every element is just one building block in the tower that is ‘your big day’. And sometimes, something will happen that will shake the tower, or a brick will be removed, and you’ll feel like you’re absolutely powerless to keep it all together. Take a moment, take a breath…find a solution. Work out HOW you’re going to deal with that problem guest, talk to family, source other vendors, get on Pinterest and fall in love with a new decor idea, ask for recommendations from whoever let you down, knowing they’ll recommend similar products/services to their own. I promise, that as soon as you find a solution to the problem, your stress and anxiety will melt away.

12. Acceptance 💖

Nobody can control everything. You can only do what you can and then ride out the rest. Focus time on accepting that what will be, will be, and be disciplined when your mind tries to tell you that you need to control everything. You don’t! Things will fall into place.

If you reached this point, well done and THANKYOU for sticking with it. This is probably the longest post I’ve ever written, and I had no intention of it turning into an essay…but it’s something I felt passionately about sharing. It’s something I’m sure every bride and/or couple will struggle with, and if I can help in any way, it’s worth the rambling!

When we decided back in March that we were going to move, I had no IDEA what the reality of it would actually be. Of course I’ve moved before, but it’s never been as big as this one…whilst moving to uni or to central London have been significant points in my life, they were never MASSIVE. Sure it’s stressful, having to pack everything up and move your entire life elsewhere – but it’s not until we started the process of buying a house that I realised all my previous stresses were NOTHING compared to the adulting version.

I wasn’t totally naive, I knew there’d be a lot of things involved (things you don’t think about until you’re doing it) but the whole process was made unnecessarily stressful by factors we couldn’t control. I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty of the actual sale of the flat/purchase of the house, because frankly, I don’t want to. What I AM going to share with you are the day to day experiences.

1 – Stress

The constant STRESS will be nothing you’ve ever experienced before. Plenty of people said to me over the last few months that along with divorce, it’s one if the biggest things you can do in your life. I’ve felt stressed plenty of times in the past, as we all have, but stressing about something at work now seems like a walk in the park by comparison! There’s so many things hanging over your head for so long, you can’t do ANYTHING about them, it’s all in someone else’s hands…and that was maybe the worst bit.

2 – The disruption to your life

We carried on working as we moved, but I’d be lying if I said I was still able to give work my full attention during the process. I was often distracted, but in particular, it affected the amount I could work from home. As a dance teacher, I do all of my prepping, music finding/editing at home, and when we were moving I just didn’t have the time. I take my hat off to anyone with a 9-5 job (or similar) who keep working and move at the same time, because I really struggled.

3 – Packing is SO time consuming

If you can, start early. Yes it’s a pain to live out of boxes, but TRUST ME, the sooner you start the better.

4 – You’ll have a constant dull headache

Most likely brought on by the stress, and thankfully I didn’t have one for the entire 6 months…but for the actual move itself, it was always there. Keep the paracetamol handy.

5 – How mentally and physically draining it is

…I think because for so long, your life is out of your control. You rely solely on other people to make this dream happen for you, and you may feel like they don’t give a s**t. Which can be such a gutting feeling to have to walk around with, particularly for months on end.

6 – You have so much CRAP

I’ve said it before, but you don’t realise how much crap you accumulate until you have to box it all up and pack it away! We used the move as an opportunity to have a bit of detox and a sort (a lot went to charity or in the bin in the end), but you’ll still have a million things to pack. And a month after moving in, you’ll still have unpacked boxes littering your home. It’s not ideal, but it’s best just to accept it!

Probably because it’s taken so long to get to this point. You’ve had so many phone calls, so many cases of getting your hopes up that things are starting to happen, but then being let down. So when it ACTUALLY happens it feels very surreal. I didn’t even believe it when we got the keys!

8 – How much cardboard you’ll accumulate

Obviously, there’ll be tons from the boxes you used to move stuff over, but even MORE so if your furniture is new. Our house is a new build, was totally bare, and we wanted to use it as an opportunity for a fresh start – with the wedding in 6 months, it was the prefect time to start a new chapter. Which is amazing, but the amount of things you have to buy will be a lot more than you thought! And that translated into cardboard means a LOT of runs to the tip.

But please don’t think it’s all negative! Not at all! There’s so many positives (and I’ll be talking about these in a separate post), but you can GUESS the good ones ahead of time. The ones I’ve listed are things I hadn’t even considered until we experienced it ourselves!

I’m going to leave you with a positive though:

9 – How incredible it feels when things start coming together

You may not be totally happy with how things are, your TV still isn’t mounted on the wall, you’ve got some doors off hinges after having the carpet done and your second bedroom resembles a dumping ground…

But it’s starting to take shape, it’s starting to feel like home, and after the crazy, busy, stressful experience, it’s in AMAZING feeling!

AND whilst I have the opportunity, I want to give a huge shout out to our friends and family for all the support you’ve offered. Whether that was an ear to moan to (I’m looking predominantly at my ladies dance/fitness class on a Monday – Moaning Monday I nicknamed it, I’m so sorry 😂), a supportive or encouraging word, the offer of help or a ‘Happy New Home’ card…it means a lot. In particular, I need to show lots of love to both sets of parents who’ve been absolutely amazing (as ever, but especially) during this process 💖

Stay tuned for more house posts – I’ll be discussing our fave stores for kitting out our new home next time!

Hello my loves, welcome to 'life with Lynette'! I'm a frizzy, halloumi loving dance teacher/choreographer, living in North Yorkshire. I've recently given my little corner of the internet a fresh lick of paint, so enjoy my ramblings on work, lifestyle, adulting...and maybe a bit of wedding prep too! Grab a cuppa and get comfy...