Christine O'Donnell (1,4) might not be a witch, but Rich Iott (2) just might be a Nazi. Elsewhere, Rick Santorum (6) is apparently going to waste a lot of time and money on a presidential run. Don't forget the key!

Christine O'Donnell

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some important breaking news: despite what you may have heard, Christine O'Donnell is not a witch! Yes, Ms. O'Donnell took to the Delaware airwaves last week to announce in a new campaign ad that (and I quote):

I'm not a witch.

She goes on to say:

I'm nothing you've heard.

Which to be honest I think I'd find more convincing if I hadn't heard that:

So there you have it -- Christine O'Donnell is nothing you've heard. As long as you haven't actually heard what actually comes out of her mouth.

Christine then goes on to seal the deal by saying:

I'm you.

Which is just creepy.

Now, at this point you may be wondering why, if her campaign wanted to make her not look like a witch, they would dress her in black and make her stand on a foggy, pitch dark moor in the dead of night.

The candidate in question is Rich Iott, who is running against Democrat Marcy Kaptur in Ohio's 9th District. Here he is at the University of Toledo College Republican Club cookout:

And here he is dressed as a member of the 5th SS Panzer Division "Wiking":

It's okay though, because according to The Atlantic:

Iott confirmed his involvement with the group over a number of years, but said his interest in Nazi Germany was historical and he does not subscribe to the tenets of Nazism. "No, absolutely not," he said.

So if he's not a Nazi, why is he dressed as a Nazi?

Iott says he does not recall exactly when he joined the Wiking group (his name appears on a unit roster as far back as 2003), but did so with his son "as a father-son bonding thing."

Of course! The old "father-son-pretending-to-be-Waffen-SS-thing." Well there you have it: Rich Iott is not a Nazi! Phew, I'm glad that's cleared up. But just in case, here's an excerpt from his new campaign ad due to start running this week:

Troy Bird, a former candidate for a state House of Delegates seat representing Roanoke, was convicted Wednesday of sexually assaulting a relative.

Bird, a Republican who campaigned last year as a bearded and tattooed social and fiscal conservative - and who took 35 percent of the vote in a loss to Democrat Onzlee Ware - sometimes prayed aloud after committing sexual acts upon a girl under the age of 13, Roanoke Assistant Commonwealth's Attorney Alice Ekirch said during a Circuit Court hearing.

(snip)

As part of a plea agreement, five additional sex charges, including two counts of taking indecent liberties with a minor, two counts of aggravated sexual battery, and another count of forcible sodomy, were dropped.

Yeah, I don't really have anything funny to write here.

Christine O'Donnell

What, did you think I was done with Christine O'Donnell? Not a chance. Last week it was revealed that during a debate in 2006, O'Donnell "claimed that she had classified information about China's plans to take over America."

...the candidate, who lost in her 2006 primary bid for the Senate, said China had a "carefully thought out and strategic plan to take over America." Responding to an opponent who said that working with China was in U.S. interests, O'Donnell countered: "That doesn't work," she said. "There's much I want to say. I wish I wasn't privy to some of the classified information that I am privy to."

I know what you're thinking -- where on earth did Christine O'Donnell get classified information about China's impending plan to take over America? Well, it's possible that she got the information from her father, who was a high-ranking military intelligence officer. Ha! Just kidding. He was a part-time Bozo the Clown understudy.

Surprised? Me either.

The GOP

Shock horror!

A Republican ad that shows a couple of regular-looking guys commiserating in a diner about West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin (D) turns out to have been shot with actors, from a script, in Philadelphia.

Okay, not really shock horror -- it's not particularly unusual for politicians to use actors in their campaign commercials.

But not just any actors: "We are going for a 'Hicky' Blue Collar look," read the casting call for the ad, being aired by the National Republican Senatorial Committee. "These characters are from West Virginia so think coal miner/trucker looks."

Yes, you heard right -- the National Republican Senatorial Committee just referred to West Virginia voters as "hicks."

Last week Rick Santorum announced that he has formed a new PAC in Iowa, and surely this can only mean one thing -- he's running for president.

Curiously, the former senator from Pennsylvania appears to have decided to throw caution to the wind and will run on a platform of embracing George W. Bush early and often. Last week, during an appearance on Fox News, he claimed that...

...under the Bush administration, welfare -- I mean, excuse me, poverty among African Americans and among single unmarried women, poverty was at the lowest rate ever in the history of this country. So Obama's policies are not working, Bush polices worked! For long a time as a matter of fact.

There's one small problem with Santorum's claim - it's completely false. In fact, while the Bush years were disastrous for the economy as a whole, they were particularly devastating for the poorest Americans. Under Bush, the number of Americans living in poverty jumped an astonishing 26.1 percent. When President Clinton left office in 2000, there were about 31.6 million Americans living in poverty, according to the Census Bureau. When Bush left office in 2008, that number had jumped to 39.8 million - the largest number in absolute terms since 1960.

THINK PROGRESS VS. SANTORUM: ROUND TWO

As for Santorum's claims about Africans Americans, he is dead wrong. A Center for American Progress report found, "The percent of African Americans living in poverty increased from 2000 to 2006 by an average of 0.82 percent per year, after having declined by an average of 1.25 percent per year in the 1990s" - and that was before the recession. Poverty rates among African Americans climbed even higher in the last two years of the Bush administration, reaching an astonishing 24.7 percent in 2008.

THINK PROGRESS VS. SANTORUM: ROUND THREE

And despite Santorum's claims, the poverty rates for unmarried women also climbed under Bush. As a Center for American Progress report on single women found, single mothers were particularly hard hit, with nearly 30 percent living in poverty in 2008 - "a significant increase" over 2000 when fewer than than 26 percent were impoverished. And not only did the rate increase, but the gap between married and unmarried women grew: "The poverty rate of unmarried women was 13.4 percentage points higher than married women in 2000, but it was 14.6 percentage points higher in 2008," the report found. Not surprisingly, that gap was even wider for women of color.

Stop the fight! Somebody call a doctor!

Americans United for Life

The anti-abortion group known as Americans United For Life released a tough new radio attack ad last week, going after Democratic Congressman Ken Salazar for voting for "taxpayer-funded abortions" as part of the Affordable Care Act. But as Roll Call reports:

The only problem is, there is no Congressman Ken Salazar.

Colorado Rep. John Salazar is one of 12 Democrats targeted by the conservative-leaning group as part of an advertising blitz before Election Day. But AUL confused Salazar with his brother, former Colorado Sen. and current Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, in a radio ad that went live this week.

Last week we learned that despite frequently railing against undocumented workers, California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman (R-Obviously) employed an undocumented worker for nine years. But it's okay. That's all in the past now -- water under the bridge. And to make sure you forget it as quickly as possible, Meg is re-tooling her campaign. According to the San Francisco Chronicle:

In the wake of some tough weeks in the gubernatorial campaign, including the headline-grabbing issue of her former maid, Republican Meg Whitman has unveiled a new positive-themed back-to-basics ad -- almost an introduction spot -- in which the former eBay CEO says: "I know government isn't a business -- and it shouldn't be."

That's probably a smart thing to say, given what happened when our first MBA president George W. Bush tried to run government like a business. (It ended up like all of his other businesses.)

However, the Chronicle goes on to say:

But does the stance touted by businesswoman Whitman in this spot suggest the Republican has stepped back from what's been a campaign mantra -- that "it's time to run California like a business?"

(snip)

Wrote author Patricia Sellers: "As she watched the California economy's "devastating downward spiral," Whitman says, she became convinced that "it's time to run California like a business."

And as the Chronicle reported back then, Whitman also told a packed lunchtime gathering at the State GOP Convention in Sacramento in Feb. 2009 that it is "time to run California like a business" -- calling for slashing the state's workforce in an effort to ease the state's financial crunch.

Well that certainly seems like an enormous flip-flop. Hey, Whitman spokesperson Andrea Jones Rivera, would you care to explain how Meg's new ad isn't a massive contradiction of everything she's been saying up to this point, and perhaps make my brain explode?

"Her message has been crystal clear, and the language in that ad is almost exactly the same as what she's been saying all over the state since the primary -- that some of business efficiency and business principles need to be injected into government," she said.

Okay, my brain just exploded.

Todd Palin

Last month Joe Miller officially won the Republican Senate primary in Alaska, upsetting incumbent Lisa Murkowski. It was a close race, and no doubt Miller was pleased to receive an endorsement from Sarah Palin back in June.

Or was he? A few weeks ago Miller was asked whether Sarah Palin is qualified to be president, a question he neatly side-stepped:

Joe Miller refused to answer on Sunday whether Sarah Palin is qualified to be president, saying he's concentrating on running for the Senate.

The Alaska Republican who shocked the establishment by beating Sen. Lisa Murkowski in this summers's primary vowed not to get "distracted by questions about other candidates."

Then, just last week, Miller was asked again if Palin was qualified. Here's his response:

MILLER: Let me make this unequivocal. She's done phenomenal things for this country, there's no question about that. She's elevated the debate, critical to our race, and let me tell you also, we know what qualified means, don't we? We know that we have a constitutional requirement for somebody that's gonna run for President. Of course she's qualified.

In other words, she's over 35 years old, is a natural born citizen of the United States, has lived here for 14 years, and hasn't already been elected president twice. Not exactly the strongest endorsement ever given to a political ally.

Anyway, this apparently sent Todd Palin over the edge, as the following email (which accidentally fell into the wrong hands) demonstrates:

Joe and Tim,

Hold off on any letter for Joe. Sarah put her ass on the line for Joe and yet he can't answer a simple question " is Sarah Palin Qualified to be President". I DON'T KNOW IF SHE IS.

Joe, please explain how this endorsement stuff works, is it to be completely one sided.

Sarah spent all morning working on a Face book post for Joe, she won't use it, not now.

Put yourself in her shoe's Joe for one day.

Todd

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

So what have we learned from this sorry episode? Well, a few things actually:

1. It looks like Sarah Palin is running for president, even though...

2. It takes her an entire morning to write a single Facebook post, but that's okay because...

3. Her husband is illiterate.

Joe Miller

And finally, while we're on the subject of Joe Miller, let's thank our lucky stars that we have such rugged individualists running for office this year. Back in June, Miller revealed that he's a real pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps kinda guy, telling ABC, "The unemployment compensation benefits have gotten -- first of all, it's not constitutionally authorized. I think that's the first thing that's gotta be looked at, so I do not favor their extension."

That's right, you work-shy scoundrels -- Joe Miller wants to take away your unemployment insurance. That should teach you lazy bastards to just get out there and find a job already.

Tea Party-backed Alaska Senate candidate Joe Miller (R) thinks federal unemployment insurance is constitutionally questionable. But it turns out his wife benefited from it in the early part of the decade -- after she left a job working for him.

According to a resume that she submitted to the state of Alaska in 2009, Miller's wife, Kathleen, worked for him briefly in 2002. In a statement yesterday, the Miller campaign acknowledged that she received unemployment benefits after she left.

Which means it must be time for a new Joe Miller campaign bumper sticker...

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