Pwn My Life: Issue #75

Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnmylife at gmail.

A friend I hadn't seen since high school recently moved back in town. He reminded me about the bets we used to make over games of Wayne Gretzky 3D Hockey. He actually found and showed me a contract he wrote and I signed after a bad string of double-or-nothings. Apparently, I'm contractually obligated to name my first sons Snake, E. Honda, and Omega Red.-Anonymous

I was pulled over at 3am on Cinco de Mayo because my brake light was out. This being a drinking holiday, the officer thought I was drunk. Even after passing a field sobriety test, he still gave me a hard time. It wasn't until I provided my ticket stub to the 12:01am late-night premier of Thor that I was able to convince him that I was a nerd, not a drunk.-Sameo

I used to have an extensive collection of Weird Al CDs that I didn't listen to anymore. I took them to my local music store to trade in for store credit. The store also sold used videogames. When I took the CDs to the pretty girl at the counter, she looked at them and said "Getting rid of your Weird Al, eh?" I said, "Yeah, I think it's about time I grew up." Then I used the store credit to buy Pokemon Leaf Green.-Parker

When I was four, my parents got me an SNES for Christmas. The console came with Super Mario World. While I was still too young to play the game well, I watched my dad play and was fascinated with Mario's quest to save the princess. At bedtime, my mom would read me the game booklet and show me the pictures. I became obsessed with rescuing Princess Toadstool. It was as if she was a real person. One night before bed, I asked my mother where I could find the princess. She replied, "She's inside the game." After that, I spent many nights peering deep into the cartridge hoping I could catch a glimpse of Princess Toadstool and set her free from her SNES prison.-Lauren

Before receiving my first kiss, I read several eHows on the subject so I wouldn't mess it up.-Kit

When I was a kid, I broke my leg in two places skateboarding. I needed a metal bar inside my leg to hold everything together. The first thing I said to my parents when I woke up after surgery was, "I think I deserve a Gamecube after this."-Sam

This week's "I Can't Believe you didn't want this Published Anonymously" Award goes to:Back in 6th grade, I used to wack off to Maya from Killer Instinct Gold for N64. I would make her jump and pause it in midair. I'd change her poses every 30 seconds or so. Years later, I'd make the girls in the original SSX Snowboarding for PS2 fall down the mountain to see their boobs jiggle and whack off.-Ryan