“Twilight” rant 4: sex with Alice and Jasper

Now I don’t know about you, but I think that the Alice/Jasper story is amazing. It is uber romantic–she’s been looking for him for years though they’ve never met. He’s been lost and in emotional anguish for decades because of his unhealthy diet. (He’s got an excellent name, too!) They truly are the perfect couple. Upon their first encounter she is already complaining that he’s late. And instead of murdering her, which is what a normal guy would probably do, he gracefully apologizes in a charming southern drawl. Ah, LOVE!

And it doesn’t hurt that they both have these kick-ass superpowers either.

discrete love on a Chaing Mai temple door

Actually, I think it’s the superpowers that make this super couple work. She sees the changing uncertain future and he can experience and control the feelings of others. One of these powers alone would be a total nightmare. Imagine being saddled to some grumpy spouse who was always right because he or she always knew the future; or stuck with someone who could get away with anything and just make you feel peachy about it. Ugh! But together, OMG!

At least it’s harder to lie to one-another.

So what’s up with their sex life though? We don’t hear much about that one in the series, yet I feel sure it is real. I’m particularly struck by that part towards the end of “New Moon” when Alice, Edward and Bella arrive at the airport back in Washington after the stressful trip to Italy. All of the Cullens have turned out to meet them. Bella sees Jasper first and observes this about their reunion: “His eyes were only for Alice. She went quickly to his side; they didn’t embrace like other couples meeting there. They only stared into each other’s faces, yet somehow, the moment was so private that I still felt the need to look away.”

So what do you think? I think this is what happened:

Alice gets off the plane nervous and excited about seeing Jasper. Jasper reads these feelings and projects his nervous excitement back to her. She feels this and begins to fantasize about sex. She then sees sex in their future together. He responds to her feelings of heightened arousal and sends those feelings back to her. She gets more aroused and sees more sex in their future. He responds in kind with more emotional enthusiasm. And so on. Eventually they probably could even climax just standing there looking at one another. No wonder Bella looks away. She’s still too young for triple-X.

Pretty cool though! But that makes me think that Edward may not be as super innocent with his super power after all. I know that supposedly he has never been with a woman before but surely he’s read it in other peoples’ minds? What happens when he hangs out with Alice? He’s always seeing Bella turning into a vampire through her mind. Doesn’t Alice see other stuff about Bella too? Alice did pack tampons for the honeymoon trip to Brazil as well as lots of negligee. Was she just being a good planner or did she really see something? (She did blow it with the tampons, come to think of it.) I believe that Alice has a gift. How else could she always get Bella’s size perfectly? Negligee is tough to shop for! So has Edward seen something about Bella in Alice’s thoughts that he’s not telling? And what’s up with Alice thinking about this, anyway? Super kinky superpower! Neat.

Bella is too naive for triple X for sure! Wow Jasper and Alice must have a super good time in the sex department if the can just look at each other and almost climax! Non-vampires seem boring compared to them. Alice did blow it with the tampon thing but maybe she did know something about the honeymoon trip. It’s not too hard to guess someones size if your really into clothes as Alice is.

I would love to see the changing uncertain future and experience and control the feelings of others, but then what would be the fun of the regular challenges of life. I couldn’t imagine being with a spouse who was always right by knowing the future because it could get pretty annoying in a lot of different ways.
Superkinky extrapowers are fun to imagine though.

Yeah too bad, these books were kept pretty PG for young adults. I like your explanation of what happened, it totally makes sense now. I wish they could rewrite them in an adult version. It would be more fun

Hello! Tampons were packed for a purpose! I’m sorry, but after the first time I did it, I bled for days! Maxi pads are so 1980’s. If Edward is that perfect, a maxi-pad is not going to do the job! Break the ultimate seal to a woman’s body (especially with ultimate perfection…yes SIZE boys and girls…) then there is going to be a lot of blood. Tampons were a safe bet in case she couldn’t take it again. Looks like she didn’t need them though! Alice was just covering all bases.

About Alice and Jasper…Hell yeah! Why do you think she is so happy all the time and he is so willing to become a vegetarian!

When it comes to Edward, I think that he is truly too fixated on Bella. He read Jacob’s emotions because they were to his one fixation, Bella. He doesn’t care about Alice and Jasper, so he never bothered to listen to it. I think he can tune into what he wants. If you noticed, he only made comments about what he could hear about Bella. He tuned everything else out. It’s like what i do at work, drown out all the backround noise and focus on what’s important .

Thanks for that re-framing of the whole tampon issue. I’d not considered that they might be used following sex. My sense from that part of “Breaking Dawn” is that Bella wasn’t looking for them for a post-coital issue, so maybe Ed’s size is less heroic than you suggest after all?