The
morning light entered
my eyes through my window. It was a bright sunny day. The vibrant
colorful sunshine pierced through my window into the bedroom. I was
fast getting ready for the day. I had to catch the train for my
workplace. I gazed at the watch 8:15. I had time in my hands. I had
to reach there by 10:30. It took me 15 minutes to reach there. I
thought I will complete my pending work in the meantime. My stomach
started to hurt. I took my pill for stomachache and waited for time
to subside. It was not before noon time that my eyes fell on the
yellow paper on my desk. I gulped down the orange juice on my table
and picked up that yellow folded paper. I carefully unfolded it and
tried to read what was scribbled on it. "Sorry"

I
was astonished. Who can
write me sorry? Who knows me that deep to know I melt easily when
someone says sorry. Was it my former lover or was it my imagination.
Did someone took fancy on me?

Then
I forgot about it and
got lost in my work. I had a huge pile of files to complete. I had to
meet the deadline.

I
reached home all tired. I
asked for a glass of water and my sister obliged. I told her about
the yellow paper and she also wondered who it might be.

The meeting

There
was mist in his eyes.
He sauntered lonely. He entered the hotel room. It was dark and
gloomy. He was about to say something when I stood up. I didn't want
to hear a single word of his. He was irritating. My father had
visited me after a span of five years. After he separated from my
mother I had stopped talking to him. What was evident on his face was
guilt. He was meeting me after such a long time. Maybe he had
numerous things on his mind. But he said nothing. Maybe he was sad
maybe not. But I could not forgive him. Not after what he had done to
my mother. He had tried to call me several times but to no avail. I
had made up my mind and now no one could change it. I could not alter
my opinion about him. For me he was a vagabond, a loner, a figure of
utmost disgust. I was washed with pity. There were tears in my eyes
and anger in my heart. He had done a lot of damage to my
psychological condition. Now I could not go back to the previous
days. Many things had changed. I was not the same. The times had
changed.

My
mum has suffered a lot
because of that man. I don’t want further mess in my life. He
continued to haunt me till date but not anymore. He has stopped to
bother me. His words fall on deaf ears. I can never forgive him. He
tried to ruin my life but not anymore. He needs to be taught a lesson
and I think I have achieved that part. I no longer want to mess with
him. He can’t mess with my head anymore. He has ceased to exist
for me.

There’s
no point in
forgiving someone. People never really change. They only break your
heart in the process. The turmoil in my heart was giving way to
apathy. I have become indifferent now. I’m sorted now. I don’t
nourish any anger in my heart anymore. My life has turned a new leaf.
I have moved on. Who wants to nurture grief? There’s a point
you reach a saturation level. No one can harm you beyond that. My
agony has also reached a saturation point. I have only space for
happy things in my life. I have made a pact with god. I will not hurt
myself anymore nor will I let anyone else do so. I have decided that
I will not wait for happiness to enter my life. I will make things
happen. Make good things happen in my life…

I
have seen that people
make a mockery of you if you let them but if you treat them right
they cannot do so. It’s essential to steer clear of follies and
make your own life with grit and vigor. When the time is right you
meet the right people and right things happen. If you let things go
then who is to blame. If you bang your head against a wall no person
can save you. Only you have the power to envisage yourself.

Who
else but you can
predict the future of yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe in the
power of I. Real talent lies in visualizing oneself ahead of
time.

As
his cold face lied in my
bare hands, I could feel my heart right into my mouth. I was
experiencing extreme strife and pain. I lifted him up and made him
sit on the bed. He opened his mouth to say something but then fumbled
a few sentences of which I could make out nothing. I was grim tired
as I hadn’t slept for two nights now. My eyes were hurting.

The
nurse came and told me
a few instructions. I jotted down all the points carefully. I knew he
had very less time on his hand. I wanted to run away from all this. I
believed I had not enough power to face such a scenario. I wanted to
take back all the bad things I had ever told him or thought about him
but how was that ever possible. I was numb. I wanted peace of mind.
His approaching inevitable end was not something I was prepared of. I
had never thought that a time will come when he would not be there.
If he was wrong even I was not right.

Yes
there was an abominable
lull all over the place. The quiet ceiling and the walls were as if
sonorous of some deep buried truth. What was left unsaid? What was
hidden? A clandestine glass wall piercing the middle of the room was
about to say something mystical when all of a sudden some vagabond
voice vaulted from the ceiling of the tomb. I was afraid to say
goodbye to my father. I had no words. I was mum and overcome with
emotion. I had never thought the cause of my agony was already gone.
I had mixed feelings. I wanted to cry but I could hardly speak a few
jumbled up words. I was alone in that crowd. Forlorn and gloomy.. So
was the atmosphere. Everyone was steeped with emotion. I was
embittered and sad. My eyes spoke of a disillusioned story. The tears
won’t stop but the heart was heavy. I didn’t know what to
do nor say. I had seen remorse before but nothing like it. Should I
burst out and cry out loud or should I stay calm? Who knows…
there are times like these when your emotional quotient is tested.

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