Thursday, May 21, 2009

Once again I find myself at home in the afternoon after work not at all interested in the beautiful day. I have been trying to catch up on sleep only to find that I have misplaced 6 hours or so every night. I have to get up at 5 or 6 and while it leaves the rest of the day to work I tend to come home feeling defeated instead of excited. I like my job a lot, but I am still struggling with the new location. I like the customers/coworkers/central park, but I cannot get used to the lack of space, horrible storage situation (falling ceiling on our stuff), and the unknowns...4-5 cases too many of milk that have to be put in the sinks until we go through them, a sleeping bag left in the compost bin as a gift when I opened (yuck...and i did not touch it do not worry), and feeling hurried to open even though i come in at 6 instead of 6:30. There are perks of course and as I get to know the regulars more I feel like I am happy with them. I just feel like a barista there and only that. At the other shop I feel like more for some reason. I think I still have not found a balance. I know this is still only 5 months in, but I want concrete things to happen. I am antsy. I want more art work projects. Right now I am getting stuff together for Hallmark as I kindly asked my agent if she would see if they were interested in having me do work for them. I want to work for them so desperately, but I want them to be not in Kansas City...why! I really just want to have my own card company, but I am still trying to figure out how that works and if it would make sense. It would be really excellent, but I do not want to lose money to be in store where they jack up my price and I barely make back what I spent. It seems wrong. It also seems wrong to charge 10 dollars for a card. I don't know people pay it, but really. I raised my prices on the upper west to 4 dollars just to see if it was possible and a woman bought one, but said it was overpriced as she paid for it....grantid she also said out coffee was overpriced...1.90 for specialty coffee...good luck finding something that does not taste like bath water for less. Getting back to Hallmark. They want me to put together a collection of images that they can licience for a time to use. There are no royalties only a flat fee which will probably be around 150-200 dollars. It is not a sustanable thing for me to do, but it would give me some resume cred. and maybe other things will come of it. The idea of spending the day in a studio or my apartment is really great. I would need to work outside one day I think just to keep like interesting, but it would be super excellent. I feel like I am producing some good work, but it is taking longer and producing really good work takes warming up which is taking much longer. I am such a whiner.

top 5 annoying things:

1. craft fair bust number 22. incomplete sentances that sound like barked demands "latte!" "give me..." Does your mamma know you talk that way?3. cell phones while order...like chewing with ones mouth open and talking at the same time4. people that try to run you off the stairs going down to the subway/sidewalk zombies5. stress of feeling behind in life