WASHINGTON—As schools launch a new academic year, millions of children also
are set to learn the ABC’s of child protection. In Catholic schools and parishes
nationwide,safe environment training gives children the skills
necessary to protect themselves from would be-offenders. Mary Jane Doerr,
associate director of the Secretariat for Child and Youth Protection of the
United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB), has listed here some of
the messages children hear in safe environment programs.

Abuse is never a child’s fault, a point that children need
to hear over and over again.Offenders try hard to make
children feel complicit in the abuse or to blame them for the abuse. Children
learn that that is never true! The blame always belongs
to the adult who is taking advantage of a child’s trust and vulnerabilities.

God loves children forever and wants them to live holy and happy
lives. If a child has been abused, that child learns they are still
innocent and loved by God and their families. The shame of child sexual abuse
needs to be put where it belongs: on the abuser.

Abuse that has happened should be reported. Children learn
to tell a parent or another trusted adult if someone is hurting them and to keep
telling until they are believed. One study shows that children tell of their
abuse an average of nine times before someone believes them. Parents can help
children learn whom they can trust by pointing out the adults who can be
trusted. Parents can also teach children the correct names of private body
parts. This simple step gives children the vocabulary to tell others what
happened to them.

You can recognize abuse when it happens. Children learn to
trust that feeling that says something isn’t right and to tell a parent or other
trusted adult when something happens that makes them feel uneasy. Children learn
to question if someone is telling them to do what the child doesn’t like but
says it is because he loves the child. Children learn to tell parents or trusted
adult if another person makes them sad or confused or tries to get them to break
rules. This can stop the process of grooming by which an abuser lures a child
toward danger. A child who questions another’s inappropriate behavior can send a
message to the offender that this child is not an easy target, but one that will
tell what is being done to him/her.

There are ways to spot a grooming process. Offenders are
willing to spend a great deal of time grooming the family, the child and even
the community so they may be seen as a trusted family friend. Children learn
that anyone who lets children break rules, gives them alcohol or shows them
pornography needs to be reported to parents and other trusted adults. Children
learn not to keep secrets from parents. They learn that they should tell parents
when someone gives them special gifts or is always touching them or tickling
them and says not to tell.

Parents or other trusted adults will talk about this
subject. Children often try to protect their parents from bad news, so
they need to learn they can tell their parents anything. This lesson is conveyed
when parents stay involved in their children’s activities and talk with them
about what is happening in their lives. This is how children learn what can be
shared with parents. The more effective safe environment programs include
parents in the learning process. This gives the child a clear signal that this
subject is not off limits but instead is something to be talked about with
family members.

Boundaries exist. Learning about personal boundaries can
protect children and their knowing boundaries reinforces the teaching to listen
to one’s instincts. Children who listen to the voice that says, “This doesn’t
feel right,” can protect themselves.

Children can stand up for themselves. Children need to be
respectful and obey, yet at the same time need to know there are times when it
is okay to say no to an adult. Children learn when it is appropriate for them to
say, “No, stop doing that.” For example, they hear they can say no to someone
who makes them uncomfortable, shows them pornography, or offers them alcohol.

There are ways to explain inappropriate behavior. Children
learn how to describe what’s happening when someone is doing something that just
seems a “little weird” even though it may not seem wrong. The ability to
articulate what has happened to a child enables a child to more easily confide
in a parent or other trusted adult. This can alert the adult to a potentially
dangerous situation so it can be avoided. This is ultimately the goal of safe
environment education.

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