Avengers Fic: As You Were, Gen, PG-13

Title: As You WereAuthor:vain_gloriousFandom: AvengersWordcount: ~5,000Rating: PG-13Characters: team!Avenger, LokiGenre: GenPrompt(s): "The Team are all somehow stranded in a hostile environment, de-powered and without all their toys."Disclaimer: Not MineSummary: “As you were,” Loki says.

The Asgardiansput Loki inside of some kind of mystical sieve, it turns out. Thor insists it was a prison, but since Loki got out just about instantly and also immediately returned to Earth, Tony chooses to believe it was a mystical sieve in orbit over North America.He asks Thor to communicate to daddy that Iron Man thinks he is an incompetent asshole.

Loki doesn’t have an army this time, which is good.

Loki has magic that takes away all of the Avengers’ superpowers, which is bad.

Tony isn’t even sure what happens. One second he’s flying through the air, trying to blast Loki’s magical ass out of the sky. The next second, Loki is right up in his face, grinning like a maniac, and blowing a palm full of powder at him. But he’s in the suit, which has its own biosphere. So none of it touches him. He doesn’t breathe it in.

“As you were,” Loki says.

Tony’s suit disintegrates. His face plate goes first, and all of a sudden, Tony can’t breathe. He hears Loki laughing, feels cold air against his skin. His thrusters gone, he’s falling. And suffocating. He makes one desperate grab for Loki, and then his oxygen runs out.

~

Tony wakes up not dead. That’s interesting, because the fall to Earth should have killed him. And if not –before that – Loki.

He wakes up on the ground, not dead and not all that injured. His chest kind of hurts, and he has a head ache.All very weird.

Tony doesn’t know where he is. It’s a wide open space, and the geography is disturbingly reminiscent of Afghanistan. Super.

He’s not alone. Next to him is a little kid. Unconscious or dead, and curled in on himself. Tony nudges the kid’s arms down from his face, idly searching for a pulse. He doesn’t really expect to find one, though he does realize that the kid isn’t a kid. He’s just a really tiny, really skinny dude. A live dude, at least.

This still isn’t making any sense.

Loki is nowhere around, at least not to the eye. Tony has no weapons, unless he uses the unconscious dude as club.

He pokes the sleeping guy in the shoulder.

“Wakey-wakey.”

It takes a while, but finally the small man opens his eyes. He seems to be in the same conditions as Tony; alive and not bleeding, but still feeling gross.

The guy grabs his head and moans.

“Ow.” He looks Tony in the eye. “Tony, what happened?”

Tony stares down at him. “You know who I am?” he asks. “We’re on a first name basis?”

“It’s me, Steve,” the guy says. He looks down at himself and gasps, clutching his chest. “Oh, no.”

“Yeah.” Tony sighs, because of course. “This is what you looked like before Captain America?”

Steve nods, miserably. His narrow shoulders are hunched above a chest the width of a soft-cover book. They’re sitting, but Tony can already tell Steve can wear dresses from the Petite section. And he’s so skinny.

“Loki blew powder at me, said “as you were,” and then punched me in the head,” Steve recounts.

Tony snickers. He can feel Steve’s gaze burning into his back, or maybe his ass or knees, both of which are more level with Steve’s face. Natasha’s expression lets him know she judges him, but the mental image is still hilarious.“I hope so,” he says, because he’s honest like that.

~

They find Bruce, next. And Tony hadn’t even thought about that, honestly. He’d been imagining mini-Thor and preparing appropriate insults.

“Hey,” he says, as the foursome approaches him. He does a double-take at Steve.

“Steve,” Tony clarifies. “After a bad trip on Asgard angeldust.”

“Loki found you all,” Bruce says. “But didn’t kill any of us. Is that just bad follow-through?”

“No,” says Natasha.

“Seen The Other Guy lately?” Clint asks, next.

Bruce gets the awkward look on his face that he always does. “No,” he says, slowly.“I guessed he smashed Loki for blowing the fairy dust in my face.” He shrugs.“I didn’t like that. I don’t really like him.” He twists up his face. “But I didn’t wake up naked, so.”

“Did Loki say anything to you?” Natasha says.

“Asyou were,” Bruce says. “Why?”

“He said that to me,” Steve volunteers. “And it turned me back into what I was before.”

“Before,” Bruce repeats.

Bruce is smarter than this. Bruce is playing dumb.

“Loki may have gotten rid of The Other Guy,” Tony says, saving them all some time.

Tony thinks she’s fucking with him, except that’d be funny and Natasha has never had a sense of humor about anything.

But Clint nods, and Tony looks down to see his chest, his chest the way it was before he’d ever been to Afghanistan or faced his own mortality.

“Not Snow White,” Steve says. “Tin Man.” He looks proud of himself.

Clint gives him an appreciative grin, so Tony yanks his shirt back down. “There are munchkins in that,” he reminds Steve, whose face immediately drops.

“Let’s go find Thor,” Tony snaps, because they are all staring at him. “C’mon, Bruce.”

~

Thor is awake when they find him, sitting stooped on the ground next to Mjolinar.

“Can’t lift it?” Tony guesses, as they approach.

Thor shakes his head, raises his eyes from the ground.

“Have you seen your brother?” Clint asks, looking around pointedly.

“He is the one that did this,” Thor admits.

“Yeah, we’re shocked,” Tony says.

For the first time, Thor notices Steve. His face quirks in confusion, “What…”

“Steve,” Steve says, tiredly.

“Steve, original recipe,” Tony corrects. “Your brother did something with the leavening agent or something.”

“He took away our…” Bruce trails off. “Issues,” he decides.

“Do you have any idea what’s going on here?” Natasha asks.

“It is a spell,” Thor says. “A very powerful one, and I do not know how Loki gained access to the…”

“Because he’s so respectful of boundaries and rules,” Tony interrupts.

“Is this permanent?” Steve demands.

“Yeah,” Bruce says, quietly. “I’d like to know, too.”

“I cannot know,” Thor answers. “He did not tell me.”

“You had a conversation?” Clint asked.

“How’d that go?” Tony wants to know.

“We battled,” Thor says, raising his chin. “Fiercely.”

“Did he win?” Bruce asks, mildly.

“We drew,” Thor retorts.

“Does that mean he can’t…be Loki anymore?” Bruce follows up.

“You got him with his own magic powder?” Natasha clarifies.

“We were intertwined,” Thor says.

“You frolicked in his magic powder,” Tony says. “Both of you.”

“Is he here?” Natasha asks.

“You are unchanged,” Thor answers, which is not really the point.

“I have no issues,” Natasha says, and Clint immediately makes a choking noise.

Natasha glares at him. “We still have our weapons,” Clint moves on smoothly. “If you could point us in the direction of your brother.”

“He fled,” said Thor.

“Crying like a little girl, I hope,” Tony says.

“Was this his entire plan?” Natasha asks. “It’s not his style.”

“Idiotic plan that backfires literally into his face,” Tony objects. “Exactly his style.”

“Take away your powers,” Natasha says, “and then?”

“Narcissistic taunting?” Bruce offers.

“Are we talking about Tony or Loki?” asks Steve.

“I’d have a better plan,” Tony says.“Take away your powers, transport you to the middle of nowhere…”

“Check, Check,” says Clint.

“Kill you all,” says Natasha, unclear if she’s suggesting it as Loki’s plan, or just endorsing the idea.

“Too simple,” Tony says.

“Too sane,” Steve adds.

“He would arrange a spectacle,” Thor says, finally. “Something you could not defend yourselves from. And he would watch.”

“Yep,” says Clint.

“I know my brother,” Thor says.

“I hate your brother,” Tony counters.

“I have extremely mixed feelings at the moment,” Bruce says. The others look at him.Steve, in particular, disagrees. “Not that I can be much help right now, anyway. I can lecture him on science, maybe lull him into complacency.”

“My strength remains,” Thor says. “I am still stronger than him and you all.”

“You must not get underfoot,” Thor continues. “I will crush you.” He’s not joking.

“I’m still down with the shooting,” Clint says.

~

They don’t get to shoot Loki.

It’s about this time that Loki’s ‘spectacle’ shows up, in the form of a herd of ridiculous Asgard beasts. Angry, hungry, carnivorous, Asgard beasts with prehensile limbs and antlers.

There’s lots of running, after this. Clint and Natasha shoot things. Thor actually picks up the ones that get too near and tosses them.

Tony raises his arm like he has a cannon on the end of it, except he doesn’t. So, he runs.Bruce is beside him, and they’re both dragging Steve.

They find the only geographic protection in the area, a topographic exception that looks sort of like the badlands of the American Midwest.

Thor grabs hold of Steve by the back of his shirt and lifts. Steve twists and screams, and Tony doesn’t think he’s ever seen Steve this angry. It’d be funny, if they weren’t about to be eaten.Thor tosses Steve up, aiming for the dark mouth of a cave just visible above.

Thor’s aim is true, and Steve is thrown to safety.

“Go with him,” Clint orders.

Tony recoils. “You’re not the boss of me,” he begins.

“Go,” Natasha says. “Thor.”

“Go or get tossed,” Bruce says, and they both decide to scramble up the rocks to Steve’s cave.

Natasha, Clint, and Thor stay outside.

“They’re going to run out of ammo eventually,” Tony says, watching the chaos.

“And I’m going to kill them,” Steve says, fuming. “I’m not kidding.”

“Go for the artery in the ankle,” Bruce suggests.Steve turns and glares at him, and Bruce shrugs apologetically.

“Thor would be very sad if he broke you,” Tony says, as they watch the God of Thunder pick the beasts off with rocks. “The moping would be unbearable.”

“If The Other Guy was around,” Bruce said, “he’d have shown up after that zombie sheep-monkey thing tried to bite me.”

“They’re Bilchsteim,” comes a haughty voice from the back of the cave. “Moron.”

~

Loki is psychotic, but he’s not stupid. He’s taken refuge from the Bilchsteim in the cave, too.

Tony puts one hand on Steve’s shoulder, because the little guy is just about vibrating with aggression. Loki might not have his sneakyGod tricks anymore, but Steve is the size of a four-year-old and looks like he’s made of porcelain.

“Our gracious host,” Tony says. “Is there a reason you’re hiding back here with mushrooms and the bats?”

“It was to watch the Bilchsteim kill you,” Lokianswers, bluntly. “They would rip you to shreds.”

“Our team is doing most of the shredding,” Bruce points out. “You forgot to disarm Clint and Natasha.” He has hold of the other side of Steve’s shirt, Tony notices.

“And your brother,” Tony says. “I think now he’s just bench pressing them. Next time remember that muscles and bullets, you know, exist.”

“And arrows,” Bruce adds.

“Let me go,” Steve says, not to Loki.

“I want you to know that I’m not angry with you,” Bruce says. “I’d actually like to have a conversation about making this permanent.”

Loki raises his chin in confusion.

“But,” Bruce continues, “We are going to hold you down while Steve hits you.” He looks to Tony for agreement.

~

The fight doesn’t take long. Loki can’t vanish on them or pull any of that mirage shit. It’s also two and a half against one, even if the one fights dirty.

In the end, Loki is unconscious. They tie him up with strips of their shirts. And Steve sits on him, which makes him feel useful.

Tony thinks about that. “Yeah,” he says, after a second. “It’s quiet and weird, without it.”

“You like quiet?” Steve asks, and snorts.

“It hums,” Tony says, ignoring him.“I’d gotten used to it.”

“Want it back?” Bruce asks.

“Yeah,” Tony says. “I’m going to break a nail if I can’t wear the suit anymore.”

“I want my body back,” Steve says. He pokes Loki in the chest. “Now.”

Loki might have been playing possum, because he wakes up now, to laugh at Steve. He says mean things, mostly revolving around not knowing humans came in this tiny size. He has a point.

“When’s your magic gonna wear off?” Tony interrupts.He also wants to know when Loki is going to get out of his t-shirt bonds.

“I will not kill this one until it does,” Loki promises. “I believe in fairness.”

“No, you don’t.” But then again, neither does Tony.

“I’d like to stay this way,” Bruce says, more an observation than a request. “I like me better this way, and I think you will, too.”

“I do,” Loki agrees, genially. “But I cannot believe you prefer this weak and powerless form. At least the beast has value.”

Bruce kind of grins, acts like that was pretty much the response he expected.

“How’d you do it?” Tony asks.

“What,” Bruce says, “You want to reverse engineer Asgard magic?”

“Worth a shot.”

Loki sighs dramatically. “I grow bored,” he says. There’s a jingly noise, like bells. And then Tony’s chest hurts. Not a lot, just a little. He knows without looking the arc-reactor is back. And then his chest really hurts, because Loki throws Steve at him. Full-sized Steve.

When they disentangle, Loki is gone. Bruce is still standing at the center of the cave entrance. Looking like Bruce, but also kind of green.