Weasel Characteristics

Scientific Name

Collective Term

A sneak of weasels

Weasel Characteristics

Small to medium size

Attractive

Mischievous

Flirtatious

Conceited

Untrustworthy

Scientific Name

Mustela nivalis

Collective Term

A sneak of weasels

Weasel personalities are closely related to badgers and skunks and are suave and disarmingly charming. With their quick minds and lithe physiques they might appear to be promising companions, but are notorious for the Machiavellian streak that underscores their personalities.

The Weasel Personality's Motivation

Their behavior is motivated by the fact that they are one of the world's smallest carnivores, and while lions and wolves may be able to afford a direct approach in acquiring resources the smaller personality of the weasel requires more devious tactics. Its survival strategy is based on the manipulation of others and it uses charm as its chief weapon.

Weasels lack the emotional and spiritual maturity found in the larger carnivores. They are masters of chaos and their above average intelligence allows them to think quite well on their feet. Weasels are attracted to unorthodox environments. Their quick minds are able to take advantage of rapidly changing situations and they'll always emerge with more than their fair share of the booty. They share the same ambitious streak as their cousin the beaver, but their distaste for hard work has them behaving more like their skunk relatives who also resort to chicanery.

Weasels will disguise their intelligence if they believe it to be in their best interest. Natural liars, their earnest persuasions make it difficult to discern their true motives. They have no internal moral struggle with their behavior, since they believe that the end justifies the means. Their talent for manipulation makes weasels natural politicians.

The Weasel's Career Approach

Weasels have an uncanny knack of sensing weakness in others and they'll often team up with more successful animal personalities, gaining their trust and then milking them for all they're worth. These relationships are completely one sided. Taking what they need, they soon scuttle off to prey on their next victim. As lawyers, they are the essence of what is wrong with the justice system. Interested only in filling their own pockets, they can be seen on late night TV touting their personal injury services.

Weasels love to be the center of attention and often toy with the idea of becoming professional entertainers. However, their love for the craft is secondary to their love for themselves, so they will probably never make it to the top as performers.

Weasels in the Wild

Weasels and their related species are the world's most widespread carnivores. They are extremely adaptable animals and are found throughout Asia, Europe, North America, and Africa.

Rumor has it that a weasel can make itself small enough to pass through a wedding ring. While this is difficult to prove, it has been shown that its skull can be pulled through a one-inch hole.

The weasel is a relentless killer. Courageous out of all proportion to its size, it is able to bring down a full-grown cottontail three times its own weight. Sometimes weasels will follow larger Predators, wait for them to make the kill, then scurry off with a piece of the prey.

The weasel's natural enemies are hawks, foxes, owls, and even domestic cats. Because of its reputation as a chicken killer, man has increasingly contributed to its diminishing numbers in the wild.

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Careers & Hobbies

Love & Friendship

Sex is an escape for the weasel that frequently indulges in quick, wild fixes. And although it has no shortage of willing partners, it favors connections with its favorite targets: badgers, prairie dogs, and wildcats.

The weasel lover is earnest and attentive, with an uncanny ability to make its partner feel as though he or she were the only per- son in the world. Its appealing shyness and disarming vulnerability heightens the illusion. But since honesty is an obstacle to its quest for sex, most partners remain unaware of this rascal's true intentions until they've met its wife and kids.

Weasels are suckers for sexiness and have a natural affinity for members of the cat family whose sensual movements and dangerous rhythms drive them crazy. If and when it comes to marriage, it is better suited for wedlock with the shrew personality who has personal insights into its elusive behavior.

Weasels clash terribly with anyone who has the gumption to call them on their conniving ways; so rhinos, elephants, and bears are carefully avoided.

Animal Matchmaker

Famous Weasel Personalities

Mark Fuhrman

Many people believe that Mark Fuhrman was responsible for OJ Simpson getting away with murder. Even though he was a key detective in the case, he lied on the stand when he denied ever using the N-word. Weasels usually put their own interests first.

Manuel Noriega

A typical weasel, Noriega was the leader of Panama until removed from office after a US invasion because he was basically one of the largest drug dealers in the world. He cared little for his own people... and only worried about his own interests. He's still in jail.