I've made an awful mistake

As we all know our children are very young and still such a handful. My husband and I just found out we will be adding another baby to this mix and I am freaking out. I had a terrible pregnancy before so I am so fearful for this one. I just need to vent really, and shout how idiotic we both are for slipping up like this. BUT, we made the bed so we are laying in it and hoping to find a comfortable position.

As we all know our children are very young and still such a handful. My husband and I just found out we will be adding another baby to this mix and I am freaking out. I had a terrible pregnancy before so I am so fearful for this one. I just need to vent really, and shout how idiotic we both are for slipping up like this. BUT, we made the bed so we are laying in it and hoping to find a comfortable position.

Dd#2 was a very welcome surprise for us. I was terrified because our first was a real handful. Our second is the easiest baby. I don't know how to explain it- you just find a way to make it all work. The fact that you appreciate the work involved is a sign that you're a great parent. Best wishes!

Dd#2 was a very welcome surprise for us. I was terrified because our first was a real handful. Our second is the easiest baby. I don't know how to explain it- you just find a way to make it all work. The fact that you appreciate the work involved is a sign that you're a great parent. Best wishes!

Is it normal to feel afraid that you won't be able to love #2 like you love the first? Will it all just come naturally like so many other things I never expected with motherhood? I absolutely adore my son and would do anything for him. I hope and pray I can do the same for little unexpected coming.

Is it normal to feel afraid that you won't be able to love #2 like you love the first? Will it all just come naturally like so many other things I never expected with motherhood? I absolutely adore my son and would do anything for him. I hope and pray I can do the same for little unexpected coming.

This is SO normal. I would hold dd and cry, feeling horrible about shaking up her life and then I would because I couldn't imagine loving another baby as much. Then ds entered this world (surprise pregnancy) and I felt so silly. You think your heart is full now. It's not. It just gets bigger. Our capacity for love is simply amazing.

This is SO normal. I would hold dd and cry, feeling horrible about shaking up her life and then I would because I couldn't imagine loving another baby as much. Then ds entered this world (surprise pregnancy) and I felt so silly. You think your heart is full now. It's not. It just gets bigger. Our capacity for love is simply amazing.

P.s. Everybody will tell you this. You will still worry, despite the reassurances, that you will be the exception to the rule. You won't be. I promise. Granted that means nothing because I'm a stranger on a message board...but try your best not to fixate on that fear.

P.s. Everybody will tell you this. You will still worry, despite the reassurances, that you will be the exception to the rule. You won't be. I promise. Granted that means nothing because I'm a stranger on a message board...but try your best not to fixate on that fear.

I had many of the same feelings as you with our second who was very much planned,(we had a devastating loss, then struggled with infertility for three years, even though our first was a "surprise") I just wanted to share that a "surprise" or not it's sooo normal to feel the way you do and the other sweet post (sorry forgot to read your screen name) is sooo right that ppl will tell you that you will and can love a second child just as much as your first born, but you will doubt all of us until the moment you hold that baby. This is all fine and very normal. You've got this momma, youll be great! A year from now you'll never dream to have it any other way. Best wishes!

I had many of the same feelings as you with our second who was very much planned,(we had a devastating loss, then struggled with infertility for three years, even though our first was a "surprise") I just wanted to share that a "surprise" or not it's sooo normal to feel the way you do and the other sweet post (sorry forgot to read your screen name) is sooo right that ppl will tell you that you will and can love a second child just as much as your first born, but you will doubt all of us until the moment you hold that baby. This is all fine and very normal. You've got this momma, youll be great! A year from now you'll never dream to have it any other way. Best wishes!

Me again...to your other question about things coming naturally. I'd say that the answer to this is yes and no. I will give you an example. Because you are establishing things that your LO loves now, you'll assume that's what will work for your next child. In my case, DD loved to be rocked to sleep. I assumed DS would, too. But what worked for DD did not work for DS and I spent many nights rocking this little boy and wondering why the majority of the time he wouldn't settle in my arms at bedtime. It turns out, he prefers a song, quick snuggle and then drifting off by himself in his crib. So many things will come back and just fit right into your lifestyle because they are instinct. Other things you have to adjust because every baby has their own preference and personality.

Me again...to your other question about things coming naturally. I'd say that the answer to this is yes and no. I will give you an example. Because you are establishing things that your LO loves now, you'll assume that's what will work for your next child. In my case, DD loved to be rocked to sleep. I assumed DS would, too. But what worked for DD did not work for DS and I spent many nights rocking this little boy and wondering why the majority of the time he wouldn't settle in my arms at bedtime. It turns out, he prefers a song, quick snuggle and then drifting off by himself in his crib. So many things will come back and just fit right into your lifestyle because they are instinct. Other things you have to adjust because every baby has their own preference and personality.

Sorry for the late response- I've been offline since my first response! My time in the hospital after her birth and maternity leave was great for getting to know her. It was important to me that my older daughter have at least one parent at home. Every evening dh and older dd would come to visit. Otherwise I had lots of one on one time with our new dd. it was amazing for bonding. During my maternity leave older dd stayed on her daycare routine. This helped me establish a routine with the baby. I think my mommy skills come more from reading any information I can get, advice from mommy friends I trust and trial and error- things take a bit if time to come natural to me and being a second time mom didn't change that!

Sorry for the late response- I've been offline since my first response! My time in the hospital after her birth and maternity leave was great for getting to know her. It was important to me that my older daughter have at least one parent at home. Every evening dh and older dd would come to visit. Otherwise I had lots of one on one time with our new dd. it was amazing for bonding. During my maternity leave older dd stayed on her daycare routine. This helped me establish a routine with the baby. I think my mommy skills come more from reading any information I can get, advice from mommy friends I trust and trial and error- things take a bit if time to come natural to me and being a second time mom didn't change that!

Just want to add to that. Dh and I did the same thing - he didn't stay at the hospital with me, he was home with dd every night. We kept her in daycare full time even though I was home on mat leave. It was important for me, to get to know this little guy, plus the consistency of routine was really important for dd.

Just want to add to that. Dh and I did the same thing - he didn't stay at the hospital with me, he was home with dd every night. We kept her in daycare full time even though I was home on mat leave. It was important for me, to get to know this little guy, plus the consistency of routine was really important for dd.

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