seek and find

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

trying patience on for size

things in this glorious state of colorado are going well. zoe, my 14 year old recently handicapped dog, is moving along with her wheels better and better each week. the TB treatment is well underway, with hiccups here and there, like loosing layer upon layer of skin on my hands and sudden shakes down the left side, and is, according to medical professionals, going well. (ha)the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder treatment is going well, a bit more sage than i expected but feels good. i'm working hard to change the mindset of my experience, less focus on the bus and the bad men and more on the babies and the good memories, the suffocating stars at night, the feel of breezes and the coolness of water, even warm water, on unbelievably hot skin. the way a good book makes your brain function better and a bad book makes your life seem smarter. the way good news travels fast over the sun baked sand and the way bad news is sad but always with Allah in mind.

i miss my life there but am trying to figure out exactly what it is that i miss: it isn't the heat, the destruction, the poverty, the insults, the food or the lack of sanitation. it is the smell of Dabi's skin, the beauty of dusk and dawn, the clouds that take your mind so far from reality that you realize you've just walked off the path and into a trash pile, the relief we volunteers would get when talking to another on the phone, the joy of the ride from village into kita and the fact that i would have to busy myself for hours before i could call ryan at a reasonable hour. that being 6am.

i miss my friends, malian and beautiful, gross and hilarious, hardworking and unquestioning, loving and difficult.

i'm happy to be home, to be undergoing treatment for ugly crimes and for a healthier outlook on life. its nice to see my dog in the morning, to see my parents over coffee, to be with ryan and fisher in the mountains now frosted with fresh and early snows, to be able to call Megan in Segou and laugh and know that friendships made are friendships kept, to know that soon i'll be better and happier and healthier and with that i'll be me again.