"That there are such devices as firearms, as easy to operate as cigarette lighters and as cheap as toaster, capable at anybody's whim of killing Father or Fats or Abraham Lincoln or John Lennon or Martin Luther King, Jr., or a woman pushing a baby carriage, should be proof enough for anybody that, to quote the old science fiction writer Kilgore Trout, 'being alive is a crock of shit'" (Chapter 1, pg. 2-3.)

"The moral at the end of that story is this: 'Men are jerks. Women are psychotic'" (Chapter 6, pg. 19.)

"In the slavering search for subversive literature on the shelves of our public schools, which will never stop, the two most subversive tales of all remain untouched, wholly unsuspected. One is the story of Robin Hood. . . . And another . . . is the life of Jesus Christ as described in the New Testament"
(Chapter 10, pg. 36.)