Jessica Simpson Tried To Get Lap Band Surgery

When Jessica Simpson signed a $3 million deal with Weight Watchers, she just assumed babies weighed 100 pounds and all the weight would magically fall out of her vagina while she keeps eating macaroni and cheese and M&Ms. Turns out it works the exact opposite of that and she kept getting fatter after giving birth. Who knew? RadarOnline reports:

“After having her daughter Maxwell, Jessica felt there was no way she could ever lose the weight on her own because she has struggled so much in the past and her post partum weight seemed to be growing,” a close friend of the fashion designer and singer told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview.
“So like a true Hollywood girl, she sought out a quick surgical fix – lap band surgery!”
However, health experts wisely advised the Dukes of Hazzard star that a quick fix wasn’t the answer following the May 1 birth, and after seeking out two different doctors for opinions, “she was persuaded to keep pushing to do it the natural way,” said her pal.

If you’re wondering like I immediately did why not one but two Hollywood doctors wouldn’t take Jessica Simpson’s money, I’m guessing it’s because she’s a high-profile celebrity, so if they botched shit up there’s a pretty huge chance they’ll get sued out of existence. Or eaten. Which is why Jessica should’ve disguised herself as one of the Real Housewives because no one gives a shit how bad their surgeries turn out. Seriously, have you ever seen any of those shows? It’s like looking at a room full of Madames if Madame was a gold-digger and somehow more dead inside.