Talking Point: Very Important Fresher Service For Super-Rich Students And Other Bellends

Normally the only sounds disturbing the peace of our university towns come from sound systems and pizza delivery bikes, and the only horseshit is that which emanates from the social science department. That all changed this year, with the expansion in operations at UniBaggage.com, a company which hitherto concerned itself with transporting students’ worldly possessions to and from their alma mater. The company now offers a Very Important Fresher service, which allows students to ‘arrive with champagne in hand, to start as you mean to go on’.

A glass of champagne might not be the traditional thing to hold in your hand upon arrival, but I don’t imagine most people would begrudge the young pups a glass of bubbly. That’s not the full extent of the ‘VIF’ experience, however. The idea is that you step, glass in hand, from a private jet (£25,000), helicopter (£20,000), Rolls Royce Phantom (£15,000), McLaren P1 (£18,000), Ferrari F430 (£15,000), Aston Martin (£15,000), or, if you are a bit strapped for cash, a horse and carriage ( a mere £10,000).

‘Students of today are quite different in terms of expectations and aspirations, compared to students 10, 20, 30 or 40 years ago,’ says the company. ‘It’s more important than ever to make a great first impression and VIF is just the way to do that.’

This is the latest in a series of premium services aimed at a new generation of super-rich students, many of whom already pay large tuition fees. In addition to renting mind-bogglingly pricy residences in Mayfair and Kensington, they also employ companies to provide (in the words of one such outfit) ‘hospitality manager, hospitality assistant, facilities assistant and housekeeper’. In this respect, as in others, the trend began over the pond, where the ‘Rich Kids of Instagram’ post pics of their private jets, luxury lunches, and expensive haute couture wardrobes.

Aside from the fact that these people are massive bellends, is there anything to be learned from all this? Yes there is. These people are used to paying to get what they want, and have a huge sense of entitlement. In a culture where students see themselves as customers (a view shared by university administrators) they expect things to be done for them. They baulk at reading books and demand that ‘the answers’ be given them. At the end of it all, they no expect a top grade.

How long before universities oblige – at a price – the Very Important Freshers with special Very Important Degrees?