In Japan, Kawaii is a cultural phenomenon marked by an obcession with extreme cuteness in all its various forms. Adorable icons are used to market everything from lunch boxes to life insurance to condoms, and collectors spend obscene amounts of money to have Kawaii merchandise. The phenomenon has also had a major impact on manga and anime, resulting in characters with large, glittery doe eyes, quiet voices, and sweet natures. Most memorable of all are those of the small and furry (or sometimes feathered) variety, some of whom have crossed over into the US.

However, as it turns out, not all of these icons are as innocent as they would like you to believe. What follows is a rap sheet for the most dangerous and potentially fatal of all Kawaii beings. Be warned: an encounter with any of the following creatures could be your last.

Chocobos (Final Fantasy series): These ostritch-like birds have been known to carry adventurers across large bodies of land and remain faithful comrades in the heat of battle. Their crime: war atrocities. They are easily offended and have been known to cast meteor, which is the equivalent of the atomic bomb in the FF universe.

Pikatchu (Pokemon): The little yellow bunny/monster thing has made a big impression on the US, fighting in duels with other monster things and encouraging children to never give up in the face of adversity. His crime: although his kawaii heritage means he should be peaceful, he nevertheless manages to send children into violent and exciteable states, and has on occasion been known to cause mass seizures.

Pandaikon (Nerima Daikon Brothers): A slick little panda bear known for exuding a powerful charisma that manages to overcome those around him. His crime: besides assisting in the various criminal activities of his Daikon cohorts, Pandaikon has been suspected of bisexual beastiality, having been both romantically linked to Ichiro (the skinnier, more effeminate Daikon brother) and Widget, the female detective hot on the brother's tail. He has also been known to steal Daikon radishes.

Puchuus (Excel Saga): The cutest and cuddliest of all Kawaii creatures, basically a cross between a kitten and a teddy bear. Their crime: cute or not, the Puchuus are an evil alien race bent on the hostile takeover of earth and the enslavement of all mankind (that is, unless the ACROSS organization beats them to it). Even more frightening, recent data on the queen Puchuu indicates that they may be distant relations of the Xenomorphs from the Alien series (see episode 7).

Maromi (Paranoia Agent): A pink dog and beloved Tokyo mascot, complete with a ton of merchandise and her own TV show. Her crime: perhaps the most evil of all that is sweet and innocent, Maromi is the unquestioned ringleader of the evil Kawaii conspiracy and second only to Hello Kitty in terms of power. BE WARNED: if your Maromi doll comes to life and starts spouting supportive, nuturing advice, destroy it immediately.

If you have sighted any of these criminals engaging in questionable behavior and would like to comment, or have any info reguarding other Kawaii offenders, please post here ASAP.

« Last Edit: November 24, 2007, 02:07:19 PM by Fausto »

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