Beautiful, depraved

Intimacy. Debauchery. Irreverence.

Monday, January 10, 2011

the year of living almost celibately

it's been a strange year.

for someone who advises people to have plenty of sex and plenty of wild sex, i've had little of late. I'm like a reverse-christian. they tell people not to have sex, but have it. i tell people to have sex, but don't.

i've made lots of new friends this year. i think all of them are in open relationships. i didn't set out to meet them. it's not like i went to swingers' clubs and could say, "oh, how strange, all my friends are into group sex." it just happened. well, it happens when i'm open about loving sex (the sex i'm not having). when i open up about that, other people open up and suddenly it's a room full of people who are open and everything is on the table.

i like the freedom in these people. they're open and they don't have judgment. the lack of judgment carries over into other parts of their lives. not all of them, i guess. i'm making a blanket statement here. but the ones i'm close to.

there have been some interesting men. men i did have sex with. but none of them were at the orgies. i was a voyeur at the orgies when i'm usually the exhibitionist.

one was a retired psychiatrist. jewish, brilliant and funny.

but i think my favorite was the filmmaker. this is how it went.

he didn't say much at first. there were a few questions back and forth and short, halted answers. i didn't get him, didn't recognize him until he asked me about the modigliani. i have a modigliani print on the wall. it's a nude; modigliani does the best nudes. they're tasteful and erotic.

he asked "is that you in the modigliani?"

I smiled because he asked the question with my answer already in it. people often don't know who modigliani was/is. and, if you aren't into art, you may not either. modigliani lived at the turn of the century. he painted sensual and beautiful nudes. in those days, you could paint a woman full frontal naked so long as you didn't paint her pubic hair. that was considered obscene. he painted women's pubic hair. he went to jail for obscenity.

the pathway to me is guarded by intricate tests like this one and i watch in amusement as people mostly stumble over them.

the answer i usually give people when they ask if it's me in the painting, is that it was me one-hundred years ago. they look puzzled and i leave it at that.

what a beautiful question he asked.

it was that question and the fact that his fingers lingered around my outer labia. a woman's outer labia are so much ignored that i had almost forgotten mine existed. but his fingers spoke to them and it was because of these two significant gestures that i decided to let my guard down.

i kissed him right away. i was in the middle of my period. i think i've had some of the best sex of my life when i've been bleeding. it's the man's acceptance of me--for all of me--and the animalistic feeling of blood everywhere.

i came violently with him, sobbing all over his shoulders. i explained, like i've gotten used to doing, that the crying is good. but he knew. "i've dated a cryer before," he said, smiling. i must have known intuitively that he could take it because i let it all go.

he was relentless. i'm very rarely matched, in fact, i don't know if i ever have been matched in bed. how does that not sound egotistical? it means that i want depth and authenticity and sexual skill and intelligence and an interest in spirit and the heart of an artist. altogether in one man. if you say that sex is just sex and all these other things don't matter in bed, oh, but you're wrong. give me the man in bed and i'll tell you all about the man in his life. it's all there.

so there he was, with his wide swathe of references, his relentless, thick cock that had no need for ejaculation. and his voice. he called me an elegant woman with a hot cunt. i liked that he could appreciate the dichotomy.

i just found this that modigliani wrote to a friend: "(hold sacred all) which can exalt and excite your intelligence... (and) ... seek to provoke ... and to perpetuate ... these fertile stimuli, because they can push the intelligence to its maximum creative power."

(it was on wikipedia. i wanted to make sure i got the obscenity story right. i don't think i did. an exhibit was closed, but i can't find mention of him being arrested. correct me if i'm wrong).

i guess that's what i'm trying to say in this post: "hold sacred all which can exalt and excite our intelligence... because they can push the intelligence to its maximum creative power."

oh, and i later found out he was/is an award-winning filmmaker and he's worked with some of my heroes. of which there are only a handful--okay, maybe two handfuls--on the planet. i rest my case--read the sexuality and you read the person.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Release

The latest issue of F/lthy Gorgeous Th/ngs, which is Release, went live on Saturday (August 1st). With it, we have a new subscription model at $9.95-/month and the option to purchase individual articles and photo sets through a credit system.

I write a weekly column - Sacred, Profane - where I've so far put together a series on Tantra and am now working on a serial that tells the story, essentially, of my sexual awakening in Nymphology. I'd say that my life has been a flow of events that have helped open me, but there was definitely a particular time period where that growth was accelerated.

In the Release issue, I've also written about cervical orgasms in Orgasmapedia. An excerpt:

"I tend to access them through deep love and openness, or through really intense, pounding fucking. The latter are therapeutic in that I feel like something is locked up inside me and I can't reach it through words, or by a name, but if I'm fucked long enough and hard enough then it just tumbles out of me. In grunts, tears and unwinding. I get there through endurance and persistence. I need to have deep, cervical stimulation, usually when I’m being taken from behind, and I’m on my knees."

And I have a piece on the delightfulness of all the fluids we find in the sexual experience: Juice. Of course, I write about my love of come. I'm also fond of sweat and tears, in one big drippy, beautiful, excretory mess.

Needless to say, I'm doing most of my writing over at FGT these days. You'll find me there, and many others, including debauchette, who also has a column. I'll probably still post short notes here occasionally. We always leave a couple of pieces open to the public in each issue, and in this one it's my Juice piece and an interview with Erika Lust. There's a film clip of a very hot film she produced.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Cock Love ii. Tales of Legendary Cocks.

I just had sex with the most phenomenal cock I've ever met.

I say 'cock' rather than 'person' because I'm going to venture that the cock is an extension of the man, and this man is a king among men. Alpha male to blast all alpha males. To fuck the source of all that energy - I'm still trembling, stars in my eyes and all a glow. I melt with this man, melt all over his cock. And let his cock melt inside me.

It also happens to be the biggest, most beautifully formed cock I've ever met. I've bragged about this cock - its breadth and responsiveness and how he has to carry it across the room. He never wears underwear. He just lets that magnificent thing swing loose, and able to be plucked freely out of his pants at any time by my mouth.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

F/lthy Gorgeous Th/ngs

If you are just tuning in, F/lthy Gorgeous Th/ngs, or ‘fgt’ is the creation of debauchette, myself, and a few others. It’s been borne out of a shared love of sex, art and transgression and is a home for intelligent and visceral sexual content in various forms: writing, photography, video and audio in the form of an online magazine. I’ve written about the site before in my Postmodern Pornography post and debauchette describes her take on ‘art porn’. In a sentence: it’s haute porn with a heart. Our ethos is to offer finely edited, quality content rather than ‘something for everyone.’

We publish a feature issue monthly and have regular columns that update from daily to biweekly. I write a column called ‘Sacred, Profane’. Initially, the site will be available gratis and we’ll be adding a subscription model in the coming weeks for our next issue. We also operate with a patron system, much like the art museum model. With it, we offer devoted connoisseurs the opportunity to commission original work and help fund more ambitious projects for the magazine. Future additions to the site include a retail boutique and a member’s area which will allow like-minded hedonists to connect. The Daily Fix, our fgt tumblr, will always be free.

If you are looking for a home for your risque work, please get in touch. We'd love to hear your feedback and suggestions on the site in general.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Open letter to photographers

I just received an email yesterday from a photographer, the likes of which were as follows:

"You have a photo on your web site that you do not have permission to use. Take it down! Where did you get this photo? It's a photo of a girl on a bed with her but (sic) exposed."

At first, I was thinking that someone was impersonating said photographer: the language, the tone - it was so juvenile that I had a hard time believing this was written by any sort of professional. I double-checked and yes, definitely written by the photographer.

My response:

"Happily.

However, since I have about 175 pages on both of my sites, perhaps you could be a little more clear - such as sending me a link - as to where you saw this photo. "a girl on a bed with her but exposed" isn't quite enough to help me find it.

As to where I found your photo? I have no idea, at least not until I see it. I probably found it on another non-commercial site that posts pictures from photographers whose works they love. That's actually how I learn about photographers I like so I can pay them to do photo sets for me in the future. I believe you've already been in contact with debauchette, who is my partner in an upcoming online magazine, to do a paid photo set with her. I'll let her know you probably aren't suitable for us."

I will absolutely remove anyone's photographic work from my tumblr or blog - both non-commercial, not for profit sites - though I'd prefer that someone ask in a polite and dignified manner. Given the current climate of viral marketing and publicity, my posting a credited image (well, I think it was, I still don't know what image this person was referring to - oh wait, of course, it's the one of a girl's 'but') on a non-commercial site doesn't seem like it warrants an obnoxious request. However, in the end, the work belongs to that person and if they feel their rights are being encroached upon, it's their call to make.

What I'd like to say is this: before I started posting on my tumblr last year and by so doing, viewing many other people's tumblrs and resultant links in the process, I didn't know who 80% of the photographers were whose work I post. I learned about it through tumblrs I like - meaning we have similar taste and I look forward to their choices in content. A major impetus for even starting the tumblr, and restarting my blog for that matter, was to extend out into the vast web of like-minded people and find others like me. To connect.

When someone reprints blog pieces or excerpts of mine elsewhere online my first response is that I'm flattered. My second is that I am grateful for the additional influx of new traffic that I otherwise would not have had. Occasionally, people write to me for permission to repost my (written) work, which is a lovely and respectful gesture, but for me also not necessary. Apart from the strange aggregate mirrors of content I find once in a while that seem to duplicate my blog in its entirety, I'm absolutely fine with it.

There's a fantastic piece written by Courtney Love for Salon.com quite some time ago where she goes into her thoughts on music 'piracy.' I'm extending that to cover 'piracy' in general. The reality as I see it is that anything that's already online is both copyright and in a sense free for distribution with proper attribution. It's an unwritten code and sometimes written because in this online era, that's how news travels - everything is viral.

As debauchette and I step into launching fgt, we're faced with real questions such as: What value can we offer in original content (that we pay for) if it can just get lifted and reposted elsewhere? Do we pay for photographs that are already widely distributed online? Why would we?

Our intention is to create a venue that houses almost entirely original content. We'll pay for that. If we run something that is already out there, we'll gain permission to run it and not pay for it. In our minds, people are benefiting from their work being distributed to a wider audience. And we enjoy being able to introduce people we love to other people we love.

The thing I dislike about tumblrs is when people deliberately remove the name of the author/photographer. That's errant. An argument I've heard is: "It's my own personal scrapbook; I don't want all those messy names cluttering up my page." Em, right. I sometimes reblog/post images that are not credited, (only after searching through link after link in hopes of finding the artist). Reluctantly. I get the idea of wanting to collect something even when I can't attribute it to its rightful author, but I would never deliberately remove a credit.

My suggestion? Lighten up. Stop biting the hands that will feed you. Republishing your already published work seems like more of a compliment and a way of extending your reach. For free. Eventually, in gaining more fans and prospective clients, it will bring you money. I'll pay you. But I can't pay you if I never discover you.

I'm very curious to hear points of view from all parties involved in these situations.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Savage lust please

debauchette and I are looking for reader submissions for a couple of areas on our new site. Hot, steamy, sweaty, lust and love filled somethings are what we're after. They can be pithy one-liners or paragraphs of seduction, confession or wanting. Perhaps a post (or during) coital snapshot. Be honest and raw. Heartfelt. Or loinfelt as the case may be. Think: a sexual Post Secret.

If you've seen both of our blogs and tumblrs (mine, hers), you have a sense of our aesthetic.

Your submission may be text, video, audio or photographic in format or some combination thereof. Please email to: editor@fgtmedia.com All personal information will remain in confidence and you may of course submit anonymously, with a pseudonym or receive credit for your entry. Sending us your secret grants us permission to edit, own and use it in the future.

Beautiful, depraved

About Me

I am also found at F/lthyGorgeousTh/ngs (www.filthygorgeousthings.com), the sexy online magazine started by me, debauchette and a few other libertines. There you can find the most perfect blend of intimacy, debauchery and irreverence. I also have a tumblr: beautifulanddepraved.tumblr.com for more abbreviated musings. And dirty pictures.