Seeing through self-perception

It’s becoming clearer to me that what I see as my “self” — particularly my “self worth” — is complete hogwash. It’s an area that has been cloudy for me. While it’s not totally clear, I am starting to see through the notion of “self perception” as Thought, and there’s a whole world behind that thinking that I haven’t begun to explore yet …

8 Comments

Eileen
on March 24, 2016 at 4:00 pm

Thanks, this is great. I was in the middle of “game night” at my home last weekend, and people started making fun of my “stupid” answers or clues in the games of Taboo and Pictionary. Later I started to feel bad about myself. Wow, I thought, “I never make such air headed mistakes.” I was feeling like others thought I was dumb or no fun to play with. UGH; then all of a sudden, I started to think about all the times I make fun of or yell at people on the TV game shows, about what stupid mistakes or dumb answers they are giving. I suddenly just realized how judgmental I can be as well. I’m trying to let it go, because the entire evening was actually a lot of fun and we laughed and enjoyed the energy. I feel like when I was younger I didn’t care what other’s thought of me; but I am seeing that I always want people’s approval and I never like to make people mad, cuz then they might not like me. OHHHH MY GOSH, who cares?? Me, darn it. I mean, why would my self perception be affected by snarky comments or jabs from friends at game night?? Am I really that hard on myself? I guess so. BUT, now I see that it’s just the thoughts I’m telling myself. I doubt that my friends are holding my silly game night answers against me, and even if they were. WHY should I care?

Hi Eileen: This is a wonderful observation, on many levels. Here’s something that strikes me: We’re always reacting to our own thinking, not to what someone else says or does. It can certainly look like we’re reacting to someone’s answers during a game, but we’re actually responding to our own thinking (which we’re not obligated to listen to). When we can really see this, it’s completely freeing.

Thanks! I want to retain this; I remember learning through the Four Agreements that nothing is personal. It just feels that way, I am assuming, because of the thoughts I choose to make up as a reaction to someone else’s comments.

Hi Eileen: I’m enjoying this conversation! The one thing I would add is that we don’t choose our thoughts. They come in as they please, but we don’t need to manage or try to control them in any way. We can simply see that we think, and then look beyond our thinking to who we really are. 🙂

Great question, Eileen. We’re always reacting to Thought. In other words, we’re never experiencing or reacting to a world “out there.” We’re experiencing and reacting to the world we’re creating “in here.” For instance, one night you might watch a game show with people giving the wrong answers and get a bit worked up, thinking “How dumb they are!” Another time, you might watch people doing similar things but feel empathy, like, “Oh, they must be really nervous! My heart goes out to them.”

Experiment and test it. You’ll start to see that the world “out there” appears to change, but it’s really our thought in the moment that changes and gives us a different experience. Some days I think NYC, where I live, is amazing and wonderful and I love living here. Other days, I hate it and want to move somewhere else as fast as possible. NYC hasn’t changed, but my thinking has. Wait a minute more, and it’ll change again.

Yes, it makes sense, thanks so much. So, thoughts are like the weather(I’ve heard someone else say this), they can be cloudy or sunny – but I think I’m hearing that it’s not up to me – what is going to show up. I can choose to dismiss the cloudy thoughts and wait for the sunshine, as I know it will come back. Wow, this is like a weight off of my mind, literally. I have been running around thinking that some of my relatives were always going to be real jerks and think negatively, etc. BUT, no one is every always like this; we’re all having thought experiences in the moment. I am starting to understand. Yay!

Thoughts are like clouds. The sun — the real you, or Mind — is always there. Sometimes we just can’t feel it because all we’re seeing are the clouds. But clouds have no real weight to them, and neither do thoughts. We can just watch them go by and not even worry about what they actually are (are they white? are they gray? are they dark?). We’re all just reacting to whether we’re seeing clouds or the sun right then. You’ve got it! 🙂