Wednesday, August 19, 2015

"Time wasting science-fiction nerd and tinfoil-hat conspiracy-theory nonsense" is what Brigadier General "Whopper" Creedon, SPEARHEAD Assistant Commander for Intelligence and Information denounced the latest claims from the "lunatic fringe of Internet trawlers".

The General was describing new claims that have surfaced online concerning the latest Mars Curiosity photos which show a 'Space Crab' or 'Alien Face-Hugger' crawling out of a crevice and another shows a 'Dark Clothed woman' standing on a perch looking out over the sea of sand on the red planet.

The Dark Woman, whom some have even claimed is holding a weapon!

The Director of the SETI research centre Seth Shostak puts these
claims down to cases of pareidolia, a form of apophenia, which is when
people see patterns in random stimuli like faces in clouds. "Recognising
a crab in a landscape filled with wind-weathered rocks is no more
surprising - nor more significant - than seeing a winking face in a
semi-colon followed by a parenthesis. ;)" he said.

It's coming to get you!!!

Scott C Waring, editor of UFO Sightings Daily, said: "It may be a crab-like animal, or it also may be a plant. "It really doesn't matter. The significance of this is that it shows signs that it is alive."

"If you stare at my face long enough you'll probably believe I'm some kind of godamn alien freak too" added General Creedon diplomatically in a telephone interview. "We don't have time for this, these nutballs see all sorts of crazy shit in the photos, eggs, squrrels, numbers, pyramids and my personal favourite 'fake sand' - yes you heard me - a claim that someone put fake sand on Mars" before he hung up.

Monday, August 10, 2015

As an officer and a gentleman - both an educated and properly evolved life-form [mostly], I've always been fascinated by the predilection of some of society's lowest common denominators using their mobile phone devices in environments where it's obvious to anyone with half a fucking braincell it's not acceptable, like the cinema, in church or during educational instruction.

Like Benedict Cumberbatch, I've been on film a few times. You screw up you get to do it again until the director is happy but I doubt I'll ever understand how fundamentally annoying it is to be on stage, where no one yells 'cut', in front of hundreds of people delivering Shakespeare's awkwardly written prose from memory and having to contend with some inconsiderate arsehole beaming the metaphorical equivalent of the Death Star's laser into your eye.

Cumberbatch is currently starring in a production of Hamlet at London's Barbican theatre and outside the stage door after Saturday night's show addressed the ongoing crisis surrounding patron's inability to behave like proper human beings at the theatre. In his trademark polite British fashion he asked everyone to share "the shit out of this" short speech - and I'm delighted to do so.

Saturday, August 08, 2015

General Mark Milley, Lieutenant General Robert Neller and Admiral John Richardson have been confirmed as the chief of staff of the Army, commandant of the Marine Corps, and chief of Naval Operations respectively.

[L to R] Gen Milley, LtGen Neller and Adm Richardson

Gen Milley and Adm Richardson replace General Ray Odierno and Admiral Jonathan Greenert who are retiring. Gen Neller will replace General Joseph Dunford who also has been confirmed as the next Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Of Milley, Neller and Richardson SecDef Ash Carter said: "Each is a proven leader with decades of operational experience. Our
nation is stronger for their service, and the president and I will
continue to benefit from their extensive expertise and strategic counsel
in their new roles."

STAR WARS: Force For Change Founding Member

About Me

Years of being dropped on the head as a child has led me to believe that I'm a U.S. Marine General, a senior officer of a UN unit dedicated to defending the planet from things that the world doesn't believe exist. My spiritual beliefs are those formed from the work of George Lucas whom I consider to be a deity. Politically, I'm a right-wing authoritarian and believe diplomacy is achieved by those with the bigger gun. I enjoy listening to scores from movies and TV, watching action, military and sci-fi movies and television, playing 3D shooters and RPGs on the PC, reading comic-books and I adore the impressive sound of my own voice. I recorded 2IGTV; an award-nominated Podcast with my friend Mark centred on news from the world of popular culture which ran for 64 Episodes between '05 and '09. As an actor I've appeared in two major Irish short films and the pilot of a web-series. I've something to say about almost everything and you've made the wise choice of coming here to benefit from my vast wisdom, knowledge and ego - enjoy!

THE GENERAL'S RATINGS

No Star: The greatest load of shit ever, no redeeming qualities. It's creators are blacklisted and will be shot on sight if they don't redeem themselves before I meet them. Seriously - Dear God why?

1 Star (*): Awful crap. A complete waste of time. Should not have been made.

1.5 Stars (*1/2): Bad movie. I'm not happy about having paid to see this.

2 Stars (**): Dissapointing. Not that good at all except for perhaps a few select scenes or elements. I'll choose not to see this again.

2.5 Stars (**1/2): Glad I saw it, but ultimately not good enough. I won't turn it off if it appears on TV, but I'll have it on while doing something else, just to wait for the cool bit I remember.

3 Stars (***): Meh! Middle of the road movie. Balance between love and hated. May watch this on TV years later / may not.

3.5 Stars (***1/2): Enjoyable, but I would need to see it again, possibly on TV before I would purchase it.

4 Stars (****): Extreamly good. I would prefer to watch this again on Blu Ray a year or two on rather than see it on TV, but...

4.5 Stars (****1/2): Several minor flaws but not enough to distract you from excellence. Most likely will be added to my BD collection.

5 Stars (*****): An outstanding work of art. Practically Flawless. To be added to my BD collection.

5 Star Plus (*****+): One of the finest examples of it's genre.
Flawless. Automatically becomes part of my BD collection upon release.

EXEMPTION GRANTED: To be granted an exemption, a movie has literally to be amongst the greatest movies of all time. Examples include Robocop (1987), The Matrix (1999), Mission Impossible 2 (2000), Transformers (2007) and Iron Man 2 (2010). For religious purposes it is accepted that all Star Wars movies are exempt by default and cannot be reviewed.

Brigadier General Creedon is a Class-1 Nutter, he is not affiliated with a recognised news service, an officer of the US Marine Corps, a member of the organised Jedi Order or has ever slept with Scarlett Johannson. The General's Medal Of Honor is made of painted lead and bits of copper.

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own!" -Scoop Nisker