Real Feelings.

FAQ’d by Shaq: Labor Day

FAQ’d by Shaq #10. The Nicessist’s resident expert Shaq MacNeil answers the most frequently asked questions about the most misleadingly named holiday: Labor Day.

Shaq, what is Labor Day?

Great question.

Labor Day is a public holiday held in honour of the workforce and the strength, prosperity and well-being they provide their country. It is celebrated on the first Monday of September and has been since its inception in the 1880s.

It was first conceived as both a day of rest for workers and also a protest to demand fair wages, reasonable hours (i.e. 8 hour work day), an end to child labor and the right organize into unions.

Why we celebrate the people that demanded an 8 hour work day is beyond me. They should have made the limit 6 hours or at the most 7.5! But I’ll still gladly take the day off.

Shaq, who celebrates Labor Day?

Great question.

Only America celebrates Labor Day. In Canada, they celebrate a bastardized version of Labor Day called “Labour Day”. It’s pretty much the exact same thing but with one more vowel. As for the rest of the world, most nations observe International Workers’ Day, which falls on May 1st.

Shaq, is doing labor the best way to enjoy Labor Day?

Great question.

No! I know the name suggests that it’s a day for laboring, which is very confusing, but Labor Day is not best enjoyed by doing labor.

The best way to enjoy Labor Day is the same way you would enjoy other popular holidays like Christmas, Halloween, Arbor Day, etc.: indoors, alone watching TV until your eyes just can’t stay open anymore.

Shaq, why do we celebrate Labor Day on the first Monday of September?

Great question.

Because everyone needs a day off at the start of September to grieve for summer’s end. And also because it’s the halfway mark between July 4th and Thanksgiving.

Shaq, why can’t we wear white after Labor Day?

Great question.

After the American Civil War, the billionaire population grew exponentially, blurring the lines between respectable Old Money families and vulgar New Money families. To easily identify New Money slobs, Old Money wives devised fashion rules only they knew to follow. Wearing white after Labor Day was one of these arbitrary fashion rules to pick out the New Money brutes in your company.

This rule would eventually be adopted by the fashion industry to trick people into thinking that they needed to buy all new clothes lest people think they’re from some kind of vulgar New Money family.

Shaq, what will happen to me if I wear white after Labor Day?

Great question.

You will be required to wear a scarlet “WW” (“WW” standing for white-wearer) until New Year’s Eve to shame you and your New Money family.

So Shaq, what now?

Great question.

If you have a topic that you need FAQ’d by Shaq, please don’t hesitate to ask.