This week’s column is about a topic I have meant to tackle for a long time but never quite knew how to. I would like to first thank the individuals who accepted my request to be interviewed: Wesley Marinho, Rodrigo Moreira, and Marcelo Cavalcante, who agreed to speak with me. This week’s column will discuss homosexuality in Brazil as well as how it is viewed within the Brazilian community on Martha’s Vineyard, according to the individuals I interviewed.

One of the reasons why I wanted to discuss this topic is because, on Valentine’s Day this year, Brazil’s Federal Supreme Court resumed deliberations on whether discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity should be considered a crime. Valentine’s Day in Brazil is in June, and it is celebrated differently than it is in the U.S. But to me, it was essential to capitalize on the “love is in the air” saying to talk about how love is love regardless of sexual preference. I also feel that it is vital to discuss what it means to be a member of the LGBTQ community in Brazil since Jair Bolsonaro became Brazil’s new president.

Homophobia and transphobia are not part of the Brazilian criminal law system, unlike other types of prejudice, such as by color, race, religion, and national origin. One of the main demands of the Brazilian LGBTQ community ended up in Brazil’s Federal Supreme Court through two actions, led by the Brazilian Association of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Intersexed (ABGLT) and the Popular Socialist Party (PPS) in 2012 and 2013.

A survey by the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Intersex Association (ILGA), which brings together more than 1,300 LGBT rights groups, shows that 43 countries or 23 percent of the members of the U.N. already have laws against hate crimes motivated by the sexual orientation of the victim. According to a state report by ILGA in 2017, in Brazil there is no federal law that criminalizes homophobia and transphobia, but there are penalties such as fines and forfeiture of licenses under the laws of 14 states (Amazonas, Bahia, Espírito Santo, Maranhão, Mato Grosso do Sul, Minas Gerais, Para, Paraiba, Piauí, Rio de Janeiro, Rio Grande do Norte, Rio Grande do Sul, Santa Catarina, and São Paulo), and in Brazil’s capital Distrito Federal, and two cities, Fortaleza and Recife. Brazil’s legislation has 1,700 crimes, including that to use cooking gas to heat a pool is a crime, but it doesn’t have anything specific that protects the LGBTQ community. It is not that I believe that adding more crimes to the legislation would solve social problems or prevent more violence in Brazil, but for those who think that this is a baseless discussion, the numbers regarding violence against members of the LGBTQ community leave no doubt about the importance of the debate. Every 19 hours, an LGBTQ member is murdered or commits suicide in Brazil, according to a report by the Gay Group of Bahia (GGB), which has kept record data on the LGBTQ population in Brazil for the past 38 years. According to the data from 2017, there were 445 homicides of this type in 2017. The number increased by 30 percent compared with the previous year, which had 343 cases. According to the organization, 52 percent of homicides against LGBT people in the world occur in Brazilian lands.

During the interview, we discussed religion and faith, how each individual came out to their families, the importance of representation within our Brazilian community on the Island, differences in how they behave and feel in the U.S. in contrast to how they felt and acted in Brazil, suicide among members of the LGBTQ community, being gay in the military in Brazil, AIDS in Brazil in the ’80s and the importance of addressing the elephant in the room regardless of how uncomfortable it can make us all feel to talk about this topic, openly.

When did you come out, which region in Brazil did you live in, and how did it go?

Marcelo: I am from João Pessoa, Paraiba, and I was 36 years old when I came out; I am now 50. So it hasn’t been a long time, and I also never found it in me to tell my parents, who are no longer alive. I was also married for 10 years, and have a daughter. My marriage didn’t end because of my sexual orientation, but it wasn’t until I was approaching my 40s that I felt it was OK to embrace my attraction for men and women.

Rodrigo: I am 32 and from Espírito Santo. I was 30 when I came out, and it wasn’t too complicated or painful, even though like Marcelo mentioned, I didn’t tell my father who at the time was battling cancer and ultimately passed away. I always knew that it would be easier to tell my mother. I also have been in relationships with women, and see myself committed to the person I am in a relationship with, despite their sexual orientation.

Wesley: I am from Rio de Janeiro, and was in my early 20s. It was a complicated process, especially with my mother who didn’t understand what it meant to have a gay son because of how she was raised and the community in which she was raised. I also didn’t come out; I was forced to say that I am gay through others.

What are the differences in how you live today as a gay man in the U.S. versus in Brazil?

Marcelo: I belonged to the armed forces in Brazil, I was a sergeant. Brazilian gays who serve the armed forces in Brazil don’t have the luxury to say that they are gay and still belong in the military. It is a major taboo, and much humiliation is involved should one decide to come out. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t any gays in the Brazilian military, but if you want to build a career, you must maintain a posture. I was never really into displaying affection in public, perhaps out of precaution; you never know how others will perceive you or react, and I maintain that on the Island which is so far the only place I have lived — I have been in the U.S. for a year now. It would be hurtful if others immediately had a formed opinion of me based merely on my sexual orientation if that was the only thing they saw, instead of the competent employer, involved member of our community. I don’t deny it, and I am very open to talking about it when asked.

Do you feel that people in our Brazilian community accept our gay members differently than they would in Brazil?

Wesley: People in our community don’t accept it; they act as if they do. I’d say that it is the same in both countries, and I think that religion is a big proponent, you must do what the Bible says. Or it is the famous “you can be gay, just don’t flaunt your gayness around” so as not to make others uncomfortable. Just because someone changed their geographic location, it doesn’t automatically mean that they didn’t carry with them their racial bias, among other biases that sometimes they don’t even know they have. Also because we live in a small community, parents fear that not only their children might be treated differently and hastily but that the fact that you are gay is a reflection of them as if they didn’t do their job as a parent, or that they will no longer be respected because they have a gay daughter or son.

Do you feel that your faith was impacted because of some religions’ views of homosexuality?

Rodrigo: I am now Catholic, although I have gone to evangelical churches, and my faith is fundamental to me. My relationship with the God of my understanding will remain unscathed because I believe that I am worthy of love and grace despite my sexual orientation.

Marcelo: I love going to churches, whether it’s the Catholic church or evangelical churches, because to me it’s like being part of a community, and I haven’t felt that I was treated differently because of my sexual orientation. It is essential to me to have that spiritual connection through a house of worship, so maybe I tune out everything that doesn’t serve me and focus on why I am there.

Do you feel that it is important to talk about this topic in our community?

Wesley: Absolutely. The high suicide numbers scare me so much. Therefore anything that can save a kid from feeling less than or that they are alone, I am all for it. You need to witness people who came out and built successful lives, followed their dreams, and be aware that your life will not end or that your value as an individual will not decrease because of who you choose to love. In our Brazilian culture, we tend to ignore what we think will hurt us or make us look bad in hopes that it will just magically disappear. Another element is the aggregation of things that make you look cool, and if something is perceived as nefarious, we want nothing to do with that. I say let’s address what is uncomfortable, let’s continue to speak up against prejudice, explain what that is and looks like, how certain jokes are not funny, and move forward. It is silly, but you have to be the change you want to see in the world.

Marcelo: I am conscious that the rights and freedom I enjoy today, whether in the U.S. or Brazil, were gained through people who were willing to fight for these rights and freedom as well as educate others. I remember the ’80s in Brazil and how scared everyone was at that time, and it was a fear experienced worldwide. But if Brazil is considered an emergent economy nowadays, in the ’80s, it was not just a taboo topic but a Third World country where people died without even knowing they were sick; there was no information, support group, or medication. I remember when an army nurse I knew died of AIDS. I believe in dialogue and how through discussion you educate and deconstruct toxic masculinity and prejudice.