Sarah Palin

My wife in a parallel universe, Sarah Palin, will not leave the god damn news. So fine. I’ll talk about her.

Let’s get this out of the way first. She’s amazingly hot. I don’t care if you hate her politics or think she’s a dumbass. Regardless of all that, she is, hands-down, the hottest woman in politics in my lifetime. Try to name a woman in politics hotter. I don’t think you can. She the kind of woman where you actually want her to leave her glasses on during sex.

Her Fame. The primary reason for her fame is her looks. C’mon. Let’s be real here. Would she be even 10% as famous if she looked like Madeleine Albright? Uh, no.

Her Politics. She’s a Republican. That means most of her views I automatically disagree with. However if she was a Democrat I’d say the same thing. Since I’m a small “l” libertarian, I of course agree with what she says about the government being too big, however like 97% of all politicians she doesn’t actually believe what she says, she just wants people to vote for her. George W. Bush said he was for small government, and conservatives were dumb enough to believe him. Look how that turned out. Obama said he was going to stand up to big corporations and lobbyists, end the war in Iraq*, and shut down Guantanamo Bay, and liberals were dumb enough to believe him too. Look how that turned out.

Anyone dumb enough to vote for Sarah Palin because she says she wants “smaller government” will be “surprised” and “disappointed” when she gets into office and makes government bigger (just like they were “”surprised” and “disappointed” with Bush a few years back and are “surprised” and “disappointed” with Obama now).

(*For those of you who are thinking, “But Obama did end the war in Iraq!”, please, please don’t be that naive. We still have 47,000 troops there even though all other nations have pulled out. Now think for a minute. What do you think 47,000 armed troops are doing over there? Sitting around doing nothing? “Training” the Iraqis? Haha! Please! Obama could bring the troops home whenever he wants with the stroke of a pen, but our guys are still getting killed over there. Good thing you guys voted for a candidate who was “against the war”. Good call. And don’t even get me started on Afghanistan. Or Libya.)

A pity American voters vote with their emotions and not with their rational brains. Perhaps then for once they can elect a President (or other major office holder) and not be “surprised” and “disappointed” all the time.

Her Intelligence. My guess is that she is not dumb. However! A) She can’t control her big mouth, which is why stupid shit often comes out. I know people like this; smart people who stay dumb things. B) She’s a very slow learner. C) She is somewhat poor at anticipating consequences (a trait she shares with Obama).

Her continuing status as a public figure. She’s still famous. Even with half the country hating her with a white-hot passion, she’s still out there with her big, beautiful, bullshit smile, making front-page news. That means that someone is very smart. I’m not sure if it’s her or one of her handlers, but the way she plays the press like a flute is fascinating. And she doesn’t even hold a government position. She’s just a glorified pundit at this point. If her goal is to be famous and make money, she’s already won handily.

Her Future. If she’s dumb, or her handlers are dumb, she’ll run from President next year, lose, and severely damage her standing. If she’s smart, or her handlers are smart (and I suspect this is the case), she’s going to not run, continue to make news, piles of money, and mountains of publicity, and run for President later. At some point soon, the U.S. economy is going to crash horribly, and history shows when that happens the idiotic masses look for a “strong leader” to fix their problems for them. Ms. Smokin’ Hot Chick From Alaska Who Shoots Bears With Shotguns And Shit could very well be that leader if she times it right.

Then again, that strong female leader could be Hillary Clinton instead.

Yikes. Sarah or Hillary. America will be deep crapola either way. It doesn’t help that our next President (Mitt Romney) will be a cluster fuck just like the last three Presidents we’ve had.

Good thing I’ll be moving out of the country in a few years. But I digress.

Her whole deal with Bristol and the baby. Oh god, that’s too stupid to even comment on. Do I need to even explain this? Teenage girls have lots of sex. Teenage boys don’t wear condoms. Therefore teenage girls get pregnant often. Teenage girls don’t get abortions. Teen pregnancy is celebrated in our culture. That’s why we get so much of it. End of story.