Officer of the Day

Earlier today I read that brave and selfless police officers shot and killed a mountain lion who had the audacity to wander the streets of downtown Berkeley, California.

Sgt. Mary Kusmiss, the Berkeley Police Department’s public information officer, was quoted as saying, “Despite the sensitive nature of this event, we feel confident about the actions taken by the BPD Officers considering the totality of the events, when considering the densely populated area in which the animal was in, the homeless that sleep in the area, the overnight employees who clean businesses and the like, the adjacent schools and the northern Shattuck corridor. BPD believed that this Mountain Lion posed a significant public safety threat. BPD officers who have to dispatch animals find it challenging, but it is part of our duty to protect the community.”

I was so overcome with relief that I collapsed. I came to a few minutes later in a froth of sweat, jumped to my feet, and found comfort in my familiar surroundings — surroundings, though, that seemed no more real than those I’d been transported to in a remarkably vivid dream moments earlier.

In this extraordinary vision, I found myself at Chez Panisse in downtown Berkeley, California. At an adjacent table sat a pride of mountain lions.

They were passing a still-beating human heart, taking turns imbibing its rich, warm yield through a crazy straw. A waiter then delivered their meal. They’d ordered the special: Officer of the Day. One by one, they took turns dipping a claw or two into a steaming human skull and savoring the underdeveloped brain that one of the lions described as “tasting a bit like veal” but having the “texture of Jell-O.”

I now find myself even more appreciative of the services and protection the Berkeley Police Department provides the fine residents of that celebrated locale. It is comforting to know that such macho, trigger-happy cowboys still exist.

“If a mountain lion is seen on one’s property, or evidence of a lion is found such as scat, tracks, or a deer kill, a phone call to the California Department of Fish & Game may result in an officer coming out to investigate, or they may simply record your sighting over the phone. Because there has been no damage or immediate danger, a depredation permit is not issued. Seeing a lion is not legal cause to kill it. If the lion has not threatened any people, pets, or livestock, usually it is left alone to move on naturally. However, if an officer (CDFG or police department) responds and the lion is present, the fate of the cat is generally decided by the responding officer. If for whatever reason he deems the lion is a threat to public safety — which can be as simple as “the lion is in an area near people or a school” — the agencies have the authority to shoot the animal on site, or tranquilize and euthanize it later. CDFG’s current policy (not legal documentation, just merely the internal consensus of the “higher-ups”) is to never relocate any mountain lions. Therefore, officers who want to respond non-lethally have sometimes attempted to scare lions back into the wild with pepper-spray or rubber bullets.”

My favorite part of this story, though I love David’s vivid dream, is the proximity of schools to sleeping homeless population. “…We feel confident about the actions…when considering the densely populated area in which the animal was in, the homeless that sleep in the area…the adjacent schools…”

Did you add that part about the schools? If so, brilliant. If not, that spokesperson needs a refresher in public speaking.

I live less than two miles away from the pharmacy parking lot where the cougar was originally spotted. Unbelievable image and tragic ending. Probably the only cougar for a hundred miles, compared to like millions of humans.

As I wrote in response to Paul — quoting the Mountain Lion Foundation’s website — the California Department of Fish and Game’s “current policy (not legal documentation, just merely the internal consensus of the “higher-ups”) is to never relocate any mountain lions.”

I’d like to ask the so-called “higher-ups” — those who came to a “consensus” and called it a “policy” — why the CDFG will “never relocate any mountain lions,” when, in fact, the appearance of mountain lions in commercial and residential areas is a result of malignant commercial and residential development. Are we not asking these creatures to relocate each time we break ground on a new shopping mall or housing development?