Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I wasn't able to be at Cub Scout camp this weekend, as I was on call. It obviously bothers you that my daughter Marie was there, but my wife didn't really have a choice but to take her, since I wouldn't be home to watch her. I can't haul her around to hospitals, and since she's 8 I can't leave her home alone for a weekend (although you clearly disagreed with the last point).

I'm also sorry that your kid is such a shit, but it ain't his fault. I mean, it was no secret last year when you and that other Mom began sneaking away during den meetings that you were shagging in the bathroom. I think it's nice that now you've both left your spouses to be together. Your boys have a lot in common, like the fact that they're both 10, and in the same scout den, and have skanky parents.

Anyway, I think it was entirely unreasonable for the scout master to have disciplined the boys for stealing and breaking other kids' projects this weekend. Apparently you and your squeeze were off balling in the bushes during that time, so it was inconsiderate of him to try and teach them some manners in your absence.

Also, why you were yelling at me last night about your kids not getting to make bows & arrows (and that being the reason they tried to steal the ones my kids made), makes no sense to me. I wasn't at camp this weekend, and am certainly not the reason you guys were 6 hours late getting there. The schedule clearly listed that project as being at 9:00 a.m., and you guys didn't show up until 3. I think it's downright unfair that the scout master didn't immediately put the other 15 kids on hold to take care of yours. After all, you and the lady (who I think may have recently been featured on CK Lunchbox) are clearly the most important people in the universe.

But, to address the reason you called me last night, I'm NOT going to replace your fancy digital camera. It's not my fault that you brought it to camp. Or that your creepy 10 year old boy took it out of your backpack. Or that your future sex-offender hid in the girls bathroom to try and get pictures of Marie naked.

If you want the camera back, I'd contact the camp's maintenance guy. I'm sure he could let you into the septic tank to get it out. Or you could try the pipes near where Marie flushed it. Maybe it's stuck there.

Likewise, I ain't paying your kid's medical bills. If the little freak had given the camera to Marie when she asked for it, she wouldn't have had to break his finger to get it. Maybe he'll learn something about respect for women. Maybe you will, too.

Anyway, I think it also added to the weekend that the scout master got to demonstrate first aid by splinting the finger with a hankie and popsicle sticks.

They sound like the anti-Brady bunch. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite, "IDIOTS!"

Kuddos to Marie for kicking tail. We've had some similar issues with a boy at the girls' school. I told the oldest it was okay haul off an punch him to defend herself. She was afraid of getting in trouble, but we told them we would back her up if she went to the office. Two days later she hauled off and let the kid have it. Problem solved.

I had a problem in junior high with a couple of guys that thought they could take liberties with me. One got a full sized english lit book up the side of the face. I think that maybe you should charge the kid with attempted child pornography and have the father charged as an accessory. After all, he did provide the camera and the ethical soup that instigated the incident.

You should have included:"I am amazed that you didn't send my Marie a thank you card. Had your child taken the picture he intended to and returned your camera to your bad; you would be in possession of child pornography. She just saved you from a very embarrassing court trial."

Very funny story, but sad too--feel sorry for the 10-year old boy, NOT because Marie broke his finger (go Marie!)but for what he has been exposed to in his young life to be trying to take naked pictures of girls in the bathroom...probably not had a very happy "normal" childhood, not with parents like his dad.

I LOVE IT! I have a three and a half year old girl...any tips b/c I want her to do the same thing one day if confronted one day. Right on with the parenting, Papa Grumpy!!!

I also have a five year old boy. NO WAY he would ever do that, but supposing he did, he would be coming over to your house to personally apologize to Marie and your entire family. He would then work off the camera while grounded for a month at a minimum...and that would be just the beginning.

Welcome to my whining!

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