Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Zenning Out

If you're sick of me talking about dating, skip this post. If you're not, read on!

As of today, I'm adopting a new aspirational goal in terms of my dating philosophy: I am going to be zen about dating. Zen, zen, zen. From here on out, Buttercup + Dating = ZEN!! (Imagine a chorus of red-robed monks raising their voices to the heavens and crying zeeeeeeeeennnnnn in perfect chanting harmony).

I know a lot of you are shaking your heads incredulously at what you no doubt imagine will be a fleeting sentiment on my part. You're aware of my penchant for over-analyzing everything, for parsing texts and spoken words, for agonizing over the possible meanings behind a delayed call or text back, and for constantly pondering the meaning behind the smallest actions or omissions.

It's true, I'm guilty as charged of all of those things. Although those are all facets of my personality, and in fact part of my considerable charm, I'm personally sick of the knots in my stomach, I'm sick of the worrying, and I've decided that the over-analyzing MUST END. It's either this, or I get out of the dating game now and resign myself to a life of spinsterhood (which frankly, when compared to the knots in my stomach looks quiet peaceful and appealing).

Now, in terms of what it means to be "zen" in dating, as this is a new concept for me, I'm still figuring that out (and I'm open to ideas). For starters, I'm going to try to channel my thoughts into the now instead of worrying about possible future repercussions of this that or the other [insert dating issue]. I'm also going to try to focus less on how the male in question might be perceiving things, and more on what I want in the present. I'm going to try to have faith that all of this will work out eventually, and focus on having fun in the present.

How's that for a philosophy? What's your dating philosophy? (Or, for you taken types, what was your dating philosophy?)

7 comments:

About a year or two before meeting Husby, my roommate gave me a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You". I still despise the title of the book, but there are some good dating truths that lie on its pages. The reason I didn't like the title is because I thought the book would be yelling at me saying, "Hello, he's not into you! Got the message? Move on!". Instead, it was more a message of, "That silly boy isn't into you the way you deserve? Why are you wasting your time on him when you could be kicking him to the curb and freeing yourself up to meet someone who will treat you like the princess you are!" I totally dug that message and it really helped me to get some clarity. It was a great paradigm shift when I could go from an attitude of, "What is wrong with me?" to an attitude of, "What's wrong with him?".

Simple, you be you. If you is a beer instead of a cosmo, get the beer. If you is watching a small arthouse flick instead of the Simpsons, make sure your opinion is heard without rolling over. You be you.

I kind of adopted a Zen attitude while dating Chris and lo and behold we got hitched. I remember thinking that no matter what, I wasn't going to force the nature of the relationship AT ALL. I wouldn't kiss first, call first, whatever. I just wanted it to be what it was without me trying to change it all, then wonder what I had gotten into. (like my first marriage...)

I wish I could tell you that the over analyzing stops once you're married, but it hasn't in my case. Now there is only 1 guy to focus on. Poor Chris.

I had a rather 'zen' attitude toward dating. Date who I want, when I want, if it did't work out, hey, no big deal. They weren't the last one out there. But there gets a point where it does matter and you have to take a more measured approach. Good for you. Zen on!

Gypsy's comments made me giggle (as they usually do!). But I kinda followed the same philosophy (if you can call it that)....if it feels good do it....

And when it came to relationships...the more complicated types of things...I'd simply ask myself (on a regular basis...and I often still do)...am I still happier WITH this person than without this person....and as long as the answer is WITH...then it's worth working out...when it changes to WITHOUT...then some serious questions need to be asked.