13 October 2016

More Updates From South Dakota

by Eve Fisher

One of the fun things about having moved around a lot is that you learn that most places look a whole lot alike any more, from the strip malls to gas stations, from fast-food chains to housing developments. And don't even get me started on the "industrial parks", where large metal sheds are the new factories (no windows, two doors, completely anonymous). Even Josiah Bounderby would think they were a little too utilitarian.

On the other hand, the other fun thing you learn is that, underneath all that sameness, there are real differences.

One thing that puzzled me when I first moved up here, was why there were so many cornfields standing, unharvested, well into November, December, January, February... I mean, there's brown corn, with cobs, with snow. So I asked about that: "Was there some sort of blight?" And was told that the corn was freeze-drying in the fields, to save the cost of corn dryers. Who knew? I'd been living in the South for the last 17 years, where they harvest at harvest time, i.e., the fall, because if they leave the corn in the field, it'll rot with all the rain. Up here... well, we're colder than that.

Here's another puzzler:

There's lots of signs here in South Dakota for "Limousin Service". As a newcomer, I had two questions:

(1) why were there so many limousine services in rural South Dakota?
(2) why didn't they spell it right?

Later I learned that a Limousin (outside of Sioux Falls) is a cow. French origin, from the Limousin, but all over the place up here, along with Angus, Shorthorn, Simmenthal, etc. And, of course, Limousin Service is about breeding. (Which sometimes happens in limousines, too, but we won't get into that.)

BTW, this is NOT a misspelling, but deliberate:

There are more than one of these signs along I-29 between Sioux Falls and Mitchell. Dick knows how to make you look. Betcha he gets a lot of calls, too.

Thankfully, there are other ways to find out what's going on in a new area than running around asking crazy questions. For one thing, find out who's the biggest gossip in town and park yourself next to him at the Norseman's Bar or her down at the Laskin Cafe.

Another way is to read the local paper. And not just the local daily paper, but the local weekly paper, which services the whole county. We have one, called "The Peach". If you need field irrigation wells, farm & home wells, high capacity pumps; if you want to buy a limousin 2 year old bull or an Angus yearling; if you need retrenching or a ride to Branson to see Daniel O'Donnell; or any sort of job in the healthcare, farming, or hog confinement industry, the Peach is the place to go.

Did I mention barn straightening? Seed cleaning? Bean stubble baling?

Also pork loin feeds, and church suppers, all of which are other places where you can go and get fed while catching up on the news/gossip/weather report.

And then there are the Locals, where we find out what to do with our spare time:

Dist. 8 Conservatives Luncheon

Laskin Duplicate Bridge

Arts Council

Alcoholics Anonymous

Sr. Citizens Dance (hugely popular; if you're a guy who loves to dance, you will not sit down for longer than it takes to have a cup of coffee or a highball to pep you up for the next dance.)

Now granted, it's not the Agony Column that Sherlock Holmes read every day, but things slip in.

Like what happened to the person who posted "Acres of good used hog equipment for sale"? What happened to THAT hog containment operation? And why does s/he say, "Save this ad"?

Or why is someone "looking for used mobile homes, 1995 or older, will pay CASH." Do they breed? Are they refurbished and sold as new? Or are they being shipped up to the Bakken for the man-camps?

Or the sale of "Positive Rain Gutters". (Watch out for negative rain gutters, they will leak and you.)

And there are auctions galore, of course. These are important, not only because you can bid on everything from TOOLS OF ALL KINDS (and they ain't kidding!) to Antiques, Trucks, Household Goods, Implements, Stationary Engines, Parts & Pieces, and the land itself. Auctions are where people gather. They last all day; food (or at least coffee) is often served; and people stand around and catch up on everything, from who's there and who isn't.

And speaking of auctions, we had a humdinger back in September. You remember the Gear Up! scandal, where, early in the morning of September 17, 2015, a fire destroyed the home of Scott and Nicole Westerhuis and their four children in Platte, South Dakota. Our Attorney General Marty Jackley determined that Scott Westerhuis shot his entire family, torched the house, and then shot himself, all because he was about to be caught for embezzling enough funds - and no one still knows how much - to build a $1.3 million rural home, a $900,000 gym complete with basketball court, etc., etc., etc., on a combined salary of $130,000.

Well, look to your right, folks. Yes, they auctioned off what stuff survived the fire that night. For a detailed look at what was on auction, read Cory Heidelberger's blog HERE.

As you might expect, the auction was a major topic of discussion around town. Many of us agreed that we would not be anxious to have any item from that property because we are almost all superstitious, and feel like the TVs might go on and off by themselves, or perhaps the desk roller chairs might start swiveling around in the middle of the night, like at, say 2:57 AM when someone used the Westerhuis landline to call Nicole Westerhuis' cell phone...

The land itself was sold at auction to the Platte Area Ministerial Association, who plan to open an interdenominational Christian camp there. Unfortunately, they only had the $37,000 down payment and are trying to raise the rest of the $370,000 bid. They've set up a GoFundMe page, which hopefully will work. (Although I can't but wonder if an exorcism might also help...)

And where did the funds that were raised go? To pay for the funerals; compensation for estate representatives and attorneys; a dozen credit card companies, banks, and workers. Meanwhile, Gear Up! will not be reimbursed nor, apparently, the State of South Dakota.

And speaking of Gear Up - Mid Central Educational Co-op Director Dan Guericke is accused of backdating contracts to avoid a government audit, plus sighing at least 17 illegally secret contracts on behalf of Mid Central worth $3.8 million. Where, oh, where did the money go? (see all of Angela Kennecke's report HERE.

Speaking of Guericke and Westerhuis, "Guericke spent more than an hour on the phone with Scott Westerhuis the evening before the tragedy and when the board questioned him about what was said, sources tell me that Guericke told them the two really didn't talk about much at all." Mm-hmm.

Did I mention that they STILL haven't found Scott Westerhuis safe?

Ah, South Dakota, where we talk like Mayberry, act like Goodfellas, and the crazy just keeps on coming.

14 comments:

But I also agree with you that our society has become very homogenized in many ways. On the one hand, sometimes it's nice to go to a different area and eat at a McDonald's and know exactly what you're going to get. On the other it gets old seeing the same places everywhere and the towns and cities lose their individuality. But, as you say, under the surface each place still has its own specialness, like Limousins...that don't have bars and backseats :)

Negative rain gutters? Funny. Question for you. Does anyone live in North Dakota? Way back in 1972, while a bunch of us soldiers were getting drunk in an army barracks in south Alabama because what else can you do on a Saturday night in an army barracks in south Alabama, one of the fellas declared, "You know, no one lives in North Dakota." We called directory assistance in North Dakota and the operator (who was in South Dakota) fed us numbers and we starting calling numbers in North Dakota and NO ONE ANSWERED. Each time, we didn't get an answer, we fell on the floor and convulsed with laughter, open another can of beer and got another phone number to call. We called over a dozen numbers, even numbers to police departments and NO ONE EVER ANSWERED. The topper came when we got the operator back on the line and told her what we were doing and she said there was a simple explanation. No one lives in North Dakota. They live in South Dakota, Montana and Minnesota and drive to work every day.

I have to comment on something Paul said: On the one hand, sometimes it's nice to go to a different area and eat at a McDonald's and know exactly what you're going to get.

Not true! You'd think it is, but it's not. Where I grew up, a standard McDonald's hamburger came with ketchup, onions, and pickles. When I went to college in the Midwest, imagine my surprise when a standard hamburger at McDonald's came with ketchup, onions, and MUSTARD. Talk about regional differences.

O'Neil - that's a great one! Actually, I have had people tell me that no one lives in South Dakota, too, so I just say, yep, I'm nobody!Thanks, Paul, Janice, and Art - I try to keep everybody entertained, and I'm so grateful that SD gives me so much to work with.

Eve, I was laughing so hard I almost forgot to ask you, what's the deal with Dick's Body Shop & the "toe" service?

We live in Buffalo & when we first got here 12 years ago, there were no Trader Joe's, Sonic, 5 Guys Hamburgers, Popeye's Chicken, Little Caesar's ... now we have all of them & are supposed to get a Whole Foods real soon now.

It's cold enough here that the farmers just north of town *could* let the corn stay in the fields well past harvest season. But they don't. They harvest the crops, then cut the plants down to the ground & hold snowmobile races on the bare land!

Great post, Eve--lots of fun, and it brought back memories of my own years in South Dakota. It also made me remember the slogan David Letterman once proposed for North Dakota license plates: "North Dakota--It's a lot like South Dakota."

Liz, Dick's "Toe Service" is a towing service. Period. But he knows how to advertise!Thanks, B.K. and R.T. - and yes, when we're too depressed here in SD, we can look at ND, and say, well, at least we're not in Minot...

About 55 years ago, here in Wichita, a place called Fisher's Transmission paid somebody to install a brand-new sign on their business. They installed it---upside down! (It caught a lot of transmission and it is now their trademark!)

Great post and I was laughing throughout, North Dakota is just The Badlands. Only outlaws live there. We really liked South Dakota, Mount Rushmore, Black Hills, Crazy Horse Monument. While we traveled in our RV we had USPS mail box, car licenses, driver's licenses, insurance, etc. Since it is considered a rural state everything costs less than TX. I finally had to give up my SD driver and car licenses 5 years ago when I moved into a house and gave up my RV.