My 25-year-old first cousin once removed is in some pretty deep shit tonight.

He's not a bad kid, but he's young, stupid and has some serious temper issues. He's also always lacked that safety switch that keeps most of us from doing really violent stupid shit that gets us into trouble. Anyway, a couple of nights ago a cop tried to pull him over, but he was drunk and instead led them on a chase through his town. Eventually he pulled over, but then took off again in his truck. Unfortunately for him, there were other people in the truck trying to get out as he pulled away, and his driving off with them can apparently be construed as kidnapping. There was also the cop who had to leap out of the way as he drove off to avoid being run over, and apparently this can be construed as the attempted murder of a police officer.

Fuck. :shake:

After he made the top story of the local news, he was apprehended on a felony warrant last night. Now he's in jail facing numerous charges. He didn't hurt anybody, but I really don't see any way that he won't do at least a couple of years in prison over this shit.

His dad's my first cousin and is about my age, and we've always been pretty close. He's been cleaning up the kid's messes for years, but I don't think there's any cleaning up this crap.

So, who can top this idiot?

teedubya

02-13-2010, 12:37 AM

I have a cousin who is gonna retire Navy... as an E-4. I can only imagine what kind of fucked up shit the dude did, to retire as an e-4.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 12:41 AM

I have a cousin who is gonna retire Navy... as an E-4. I can only imagine what kind of fucked up shit the dude did, to retire as an e-4.

Holy shit. How is that even possible? I always thought they'd ride people out who didn't make E-6 after 10 years.

He must have just got busted. What did he do?

Hammock Parties

02-13-2010, 12:42 AM

Well, this pales in comparison, but my sister is 25. She had a wonderful boyfriend who was kind and generous and loving and built like a hunk, and didn't cheat on her. They had been dating for almost 2 years I guess, and were looking at rings. She didn't want to move in with him because she was afraid of what our parents (they are still Jehovah's Witnesses) would think and whether or not a large portion of the "Jehovah rocks" members of our family would come to their wedding.

So she got dumped.

It's not that she's dumb, but religious hangups certainly are dumb.

teedubya

02-13-2010, 12:43 AM

Holy shit. How is that even possible? I always thought they'd ride people out who didn't make E-6 after 10 years.

He must have just got busted. What did he do?

I have no idea. He is my mom's brothers son. So my first cousin... but we went years without communication, then finds me on facebook... calls me up to help him build a free "family discount" website. Right, buddy after 15-20 years of zero communication. Eat shit, E-4. LMAO

luv

02-13-2010, 12:43 AM

I've got a brother. I'll be nice and not go into detail. Just know that I feel your pain, and my dad feels your cousin's pain.

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 12:44 AM

I have some interesting family members for sure.

I had a cousin who got pulled over for drunk driving (1st offense) in the great state of Indiana and told the arresting officer that he deserved to get his ass kicked.

Did a year and a half in county for threatening the officer. A year and a half for running his mouth. Don't get busted in Indiana.

Yes it was stupid. I'm not saying it wasn't for the police supporters in the crowd. But that's a long time to sit in a box over telling someone they deserved to have their ass kicked.

Bugeater

02-13-2010, 12:44 AM

Shit I have to think he's going to do more than a couple years for that. Really the only fail in my family is my crazy aunt, she's like a bag lady or something somewhere, no one has seen much of her for a couple decades.

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 12:47 AM

Shit I have to think he's going to do more than a couple years for that. Really the only fail in my family is my crazy aunt, she's like a bag lady or something somewhere, no one has seen much of her for a couple decades.

Yeah, I think he's looking at 8-10. Hard.

LetsSignRussell

02-13-2010, 12:47 AM

I once ate a bug

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 12:48 AM

I once ate a bug

I would fucking neg rep you n00b, but since you killed it to sustain yourself I'm going to let you slide.

Bugeater

02-13-2010, 12:48 AM

Oh, Chiefbowe must be back.

luv

02-13-2010, 12:49 AM

I would fucking neg rep you n00b, but since you killed it to sustain yourself I'm going to let you slide.

Screw that, I'm negging him just because.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 12:50 AM

I have no idea. He is my mom's brothers son. So my first cousin... but we went years without communication, then finds me on facebook... calls me up to help him build a free "family discount" website. Right, buddy after 15-20 years of zero communication. Eat shit, E-4. LMAO

The really sad part is that you make rank pretty quickly in the Navy unless you're a complete fucktard. I made E-5 in under four, and was six months from going up for E-6 when I got out at six.

LetsSignRussell

02-13-2010, 12:51 AM

Oh, Chiefbowe must be back.

You didn't think I would leave you alone did you?

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 12:51 AM

I've heard the Navy is the very softest form of the military. From boot camp all the way up. Can anyone confirm?

Frazod

02-13-2010, 12:53 AM

Shit I have to think he's going to do more than a couple years for that. Really the only fail in my family is my crazy aunt, she's like a bag lady or something somewhere, no one has seen much of her for a couple decades.

I was just reading some more on his arrest (for obvious reasons I think I'll keep the name and location to myself). There are conflicting reports as to whether the more serious allegations (the kidnapping and attempted murder) weren't completely overblown. One statement said he stopped, let his passengers out, and took off again. Still stupid and could lead to some jail time, but probably months instead of years.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 12:56 AM

I've heard the Navy is the very softest form of the military. From boot camp all the way up. Can anyone confirm?

See my earlier post. From what I've always heard, the Navy and Army are the easiest branches for advancement, at least until you get to E-7 and above, when it becomes political. Air Force is the hardest. I've been out of the loop for a long time, but back in the day, at least, it wasn't unheard of for a person in a particularly difficult field to retire as an E-5 and not be a fuck up.

Bugeater

02-13-2010, 01:01 AM

I was just reading some more on his arrest (for obvious reasons I think I'll keep the name and location to myself). There are conflicting reports as to whether the more serious allegations (the kidnapping and attempted murder) weren't completely overblown. One statement said he stopped, let his passengers out, and took off again. Still stupid and could lead to some jail time, but probably months instead of years.
I've seen it quite often on COPS and other TV shows where they get charged for attempted murder for coming after a cop with your car. Now how often those charges stick, I have no idea.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 01:04 AM

I've seen it quite often on COPS and other TV shows where they get charged for attempted murder for coming after a cop with your car. Now how often those charges stick, I have no idea.

His dad thinks (hopes) they're throwing out a bunch of bullshit to see what sticks, but will eventually let him plead down if he pulls his head out of his ass and starts playing ball with them.

Really shitty part is he just got his job back after being laid off for several months. He can kiss that goodbye. Fucking idiot.

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 01:11 AM

His dad thinks (hopes) they're throwing out a bunch of bullshit to see what sticks, but will eventually let him plead down if he pulls his head out of his ass and starts playing ball with them.

Really shitty part is he just got his job back after being laid off for several months. He can kiss that goodbye. Fucking idiot.

I feel bad for Dad, but it sounds like junior has a few lessons he needs to learn. Plenty of time to reflect may be just what he needs.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 01:15 AM

I feel bad for Dad, but it sounds like junior has a few lessons he needs to learn. Plenty of time to reflect may be just what he needs.

He may not be capable of learning. He should have learned from a myriad of other stupid mistakes he's made - instead, his mistakes are just getting bigger.

Kid's always had a screw loose. His dad was strict with him growing up - this isn't a lack of discipline. Just bad wiring.

luv

02-13-2010, 01:17 AM

I feel bad for Dad, but it sounds like junior has a few lessons he needs to learn. Plenty of time to reflect may be just what he needs.

Hopefully. My brother is 37, jobless, signed over his parental rights to his kids as to not pay child support (his kids are better off), did a few years in jail in his younger years for theft, violating parole (apparently they mean it when they say don't do it again and go see your parole officer). He's found a new victim---I mean girlfriend---to mooch off of, etc. I have no clue how we were raised in the same house. I got the good, responsible personality traits, and he got the better end of the looks. Anyway, he still hasn't learned a damned thing.

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 01:18 AM

He may not be capable of learning. He should have learned from a myriad of other stupid mistakes he's made - instead, his mistakes are just getting bigger.

Kid's always had a screw loose. His dad was strict with him growing up - this isn't a lack of discipline. Just bad wiring.

That sucks. And frankly the prison system is broken in those situations. Ultimately though, fuck him. I know you agree too. The public comes first. We're not wired wrong, and we're not assholes.

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 01:19 AM

Hopefully. My brother is 37, jobless, signed over his parental rights to his kids as to not pay child support (his kids are better off), did a few years in jail in his younger years for theft, violating parole (apparently they mean it when they say don't do it again and go see your parole officer). He's found a new victim---I mean girlfriend---to mooch off of, etc. I have no clue how we were raised in the same house. I got the good, responsible personality traits, and he got the better end of the looks. Anyway, he still hasn't learned a damned thing.

I'm a firm believer that once you turn 35, you are who you are. You can change, but nothing major after that IMO.

LetsSignRussell

02-13-2010, 01:24 AM

Hopefully. My brother is 37, jobless, signed over his parental rights to his kids as to not pay child support (his kids are better off), did a few years in jail in his younger years for theft, violating parole (apparently they mean it when they say don't do it again and go see your parole officer). He's found a new victim---I mean girlfriend---to mooch off of, etc. I have no clue how we were raised in the same house. I got the good, responsible personality traits, and he got the better end of the looks. Anyway, he still hasn't learned a damned thing.

hmm, sounds familiar

Rain Man

02-13-2010, 01:29 AM

My family is pretty tame. I have one cousin who's a classic welfare queen, but that's about it. I've only seen her a few times in my life, though, probably because I don't sell crack.

I have another close relative that did a little prison time, but that was an oddity and an aberration that is never, ever discussed, and on the rare occasions where it has been unavoidable to discuss, it has been referred to as his "little vacation".

'Hamas' Jenkins

02-13-2010, 02:09 AM

I think the best I can come up with is this:

I have a great aunt who is schizophrenic. She had her meltdown while in nursing school in her early 20's.

One time my grandparents had to go to St. Louis to get her. They found her in her apartment, flooded.

She had taken all of her money out of the bank, in ones, and was literally washing it all in the fucking bathtub.

She later jumped out of a 3rd story window trying to kill herself.

I know my wife has a cousin who did hard time for robbing a convenience store and hitting a guy in the chest with the dull side of a machete.

L.A. Chieffan

02-13-2010, 02:09 AM

i had an uncle who thought he was st. jerome

JOhn

02-13-2010, 02:11 AM

I've got a brother. I'll be nice and not go into detail. Just know that I feel your pain, and my dad feels your cousin's pain.

:LOL:

Yea I got one of those also......

Last time I saw him was 5+ years ago when I kicked him out, would have kicked his ass but my kids were present, for stealing money from my then 8y/o daughters piggyback- $50 she had saved.

No idea were he is now, but I do know his kids don't speak to him anymore either, and I frankly doubt anyone in the family would bother to piss on him if he was on fire. 4321

JOhn

02-13-2010, 02:13 AM

And yea he's been in and out of Prison several times for fraud etc....

Basically he's been a mooch, thief and con all his life.

And yea I still hold a lot of resentment towards the prick:grr:

'Hamas' Jenkins

02-13-2010, 02:17 AM

i had an uncle who thought he was st. jerome

I'd call that a big yes.

lazepoo

02-13-2010, 02:34 AM

I was just reading some more on his arrest (for obvious reasons I think I'll keep the name and location to myself). There are conflicting reports as to whether the more serious allegations (the kidnapping and attempted murder) weren't completely overblown. One statement said he stopped, let his passengers out, and took off again. Still stupid and could lead to some jail time, but probably months instead of years.

The allegations are always overblown so that bail can be set higher...

If he's always been able to slip out of real punishment, though, maybe jail would be the wake-up call he needs though.

Phobia

02-13-2010, 02:38 AM

I fired my future brother-in-law a couple months ago. How much of a screw-up do you have to be to get fired from a family business? Then I almost had him put in jail when he stole a laptop from my house.

Yeah, I get it. Kinda. People suck - even people in our families.

"Bob" Dobbs

02-13-2010, 03:30 AM

He may not be capable of learning. He should have learned from a myriad of other stupid mistakes he's made - instead, his mistakes are just getting bigger.

Kid's always had a screw loose. His dad was strict with him growing up - this isn't a lack of discipline. Just bad wiring.Somebody probably took away his Penthouse.

The_Doctor10

02-13-2010, 04:28 AM

Somebody probably took away his Penthouse.

Rep :D

I think the best I can come up with is this:

I have a great aunt who is schizophrenic. She had her meltdown while in nursing school in her early 20's.

One time my grandparents had to go to St. Louis to get her. They found her in her apartment, flooded.

She had taken all of her money out of the bank, in ones, and was literally washing it all in the ****ing bathtub.

She later jumped out of a 3rd story window trying to kill herself.

I know my wife has a cousin who did hard time for robbing a convenience store and hitting a guy in the chest with the dull side of a machete.

Suffering from a severe mental illness isn't actually enough to get you into 'Dumbass relative' territory these days, is it?

Now, the cousin is just an idiot

NewChief

02-13-2010, 07:39 AM

My brother did a pretty good stint in the pen (a little over a year) for some stupid shit. He'd been in and out of trouble with the law for most of his life. The worst part was that he had two kids when he went to prison.

Anyway, that was the one that finally woke him up and made him get his shit in some semblance of together. He still drinks too much and smokes pot, but he's not a dysfunctional dope fiend like he used to be.

Hopefully this will be rock bottom for your cousin and cause him to improve his life after he's served his time.

Stewie

02-13-2010, 08:00 AM

My older brother was a complete fuck-up in his teens and early 20s. In and out of juvy and jail for selling drugs on a pretty large scale. He bartered a motorcycle-for-pot deal from a guy and then got pulled over for expired tags. The motorcycle was stolen, of course, so that put him in jail for an extended period.

He's doing great now. Did a complete 180 about the time he was 30. I guess he finally figured out spending time in jail wasn't a path to pursue.

Dayze

02-13-2010, 08:18 AM

my step brother and siter; they're about 41 and 39 years old and still act like they're 20. Always have. multiple DUI's for each of them; bankrupcty (not because of a life changing catastrophic event; just becuase it was easy for them to get out of their debt); constantly getting sh*t-faced. always causing drama etc. They literally have the mentality of a 15 year old, and i'm not exaggerating.

feel bad for my step-mom; she's always been great, but even she doesn't want anything to do with them anymore.

NewChief

02-13-2010, 09:11 AM

my step brother and siter; they're about 41 and 39 years old and still act like they're 20. Always have. multiple DUI's for each of them; bankrupcty (not because of a life changing catastrophic event; just becuase it was easy for them to get out of their debt); constantly getting sh*t-faced. always causing drama etc. They literally have the mentality of a 15 year old, and i'm not exaggerating.

feel bad for my step-mom; she's always been great, but even she doesn't want anything to do with them anymore.

Sounds like my brother and his wife (who I mentioned earlier). He's not so much as an addict, as he acts like he's still in high school. He wants to PARTAAAY and get FUCCCCKED UP!

I like to drink and party as well... but my brother really does act like he's still in HS>

eazyb81

02-13-2010, 09:28 AM

Most of my first cousins are pretty f'd up, but I have one that is in the worst shape. Her mom was my mom's sister and she was definitely the black sheep of the three siblings.

My cousin hasn't had the best life - her mom was messed up her whole life and died a few years ago when my cousin was a teenager, and her dad is a recovering crackhead that relapses about every year. Luckily she always had my grandma who would help her with money, let her live with her, buy her a car, helped her enroll in college classes, etc. Well my cousin finally got her first real boyfriend about a year or two ago, and this guy is a total f'n loser.

So long story short, my cousin ends up stealing money and checks from my grandma, the only person who's ever been there for her in her life. Grandma kicks her out, and then her and her boyfriend are now on drugs, steal purses from women, random loser stuff - and then to top it off, she got pregnant with this loser's kid. We all begged her to have an abortion because she's not ready to be a mom but of course she didn't, and now they are trying to support a kid with her loser boyfriend's $8/hour fast food job.

I have cut off all communication with her, but it's tough for other family members because of the kid, since this kid is our blood and didn't do anything wrong. Just a f'd up situation.

bevischief

02-13-2010, 09:34 AM

Let's share our familial failures, shall we?

My 25-year-old second cousin is in some pretty deep shit tonight.

He's not a bad kid, but he's young, stupid and has some serious temper issues. He's also always lacked that safety switch that keeps most of us from doing really violent stupid shit that gets us into trouble. Anyway, a couple of nights ago a cop tried to pull him over, but he was drunk and instead led them on a chase through his town. Eventually he pulled over, but then took off again in his truck. Unfortunately for him, there were other people in the truck trying to get out as he pulled away, and his driving off with them can apparently be construed as kidnapping. There was also the cop who had to leap out of the way as he drove off to avoid being run over, and apparently this can be construed as the attempted murder of a police officer.

****. :shake:

After he made the top story of the local news, he was apprehended on a felony warrant last night. Now he's in jail facing numerous charges. He didn't hurt anybody, but I really don't see any way that he won't do at least a couple of years in prison over this shit.

His dad's my first cousin and is about my age, and we've always been pretty close. He's been cleaning up the kid's messes for years, but I don't think there's any cleaning up this crap.

So, who can top this idiot?

Antifreeze.

morphius

02-13-2010, 10:19 AM

I have a BiL who is sitting in jail on DWI 6 or so.
Trashed an RX-7 into a tree.
Rolled some Jeep vehicle.
Crashed into a house of a KC radio personality.
While on parole for that one he passed out drunk at the wheel and killed a guy changing his tire while his fiance sat inside the car. Both of them spent nearly a month in the hospital.
Took a job in Alaska and within the first week got drunk with the guys and drove one of the work trucks into a side of the church, abandoned his 2 year old girl and Mom and started fucking around while up there.
Is now back in KC, had another wreck after leaving a bar and seriously was upset that most of his family wasn't up at the hospital, uh dude everyone is sick of your BS and tired of watching you try to kill yourself. Now in jail awaiting trial.

stumppy

02-13-2010, 10:27 AM

I recently made a stupid mistake and am kicking myself for it because I knew better.

My step niece called and needed a place for her and her POS husband to stay. They were living in a van in KC. Being the soft touch I am........sometimes, I said they could stay here until they got on their feet. It ended with me throwing both of the out of my house at about 10:00 at night a couple weeks ago. The last thing that happened was me headed towards their car with the intent of stomping a mudhole in her husbands bitch ass and him speeding away. The little fu**ing weasle.

I think what pisses me off the most is I knew better. I'm too damn old to do stupid shit like trying to help a couple of losers.

RJ

02-13-2010, 10:33 AM

I have a BiL who is sitting in jail on DWI 6 or so.
Trashed an RX-7 into a tree.
Rolled some Jeep vehicle.
Crashed into a house of a KC radio personality.
While on parole for that one he passed out drunk at the wheel and killed a guy changing his tire while his fiance sat inside the car. Both of them spent nearly a month in the hospital.
Took a job in Alaska and within the first week got drunk with the guys and drove one of the work trucks into a side of the church, abandoned his 2 year old girl and Mom and started ****ing around while up there.
Is now back in KC, had another wreck after leaving a bar and seriously was upset that most of his family wasn't up at the hospital, uh dude everyone is sick of your BS and tired of watching you try to kill yourself. Now in jail awaiting trial.

I have Morphius in the lead......so far.

EyePod

02-13-2010, 10:38 AM

I'm a firm believer that once you turn 35, you are who you are. You can change, but nothing major after that IMO.

According to my fiance (who's going towards a PhD in Psych), there's an ongoing study (they started with these kids at 7 and are up to year 56) where they look at their personalities every 7 years. Apparently their personality traits at age 28 were the same as when they were 7. I don't know about any of the later ages, but it's crazy that we are that stuck in our ways at such a young age.

EyePod

02-13-2010, 10:41 AM

Yeah, I get it. Kinda. People suck - especially people in our families.

fyp

EWOK

02-13-2010, 10:42 AM

I'm the screwed up one in my family. I thought embezzling money from my grandmother is wrong. After my sisters took every red cent from her she mysteriously died. The court decided the death was just a coincidence and only a portion of the money was acquired inappropriately.

RJ

02-13-2010, 10:42 AM

Every family has one or more. Mine has/had more.

The one consistent detail in almost every story is drug and/or alcohol problems. Another is mental illness.

Also, most of us have seen for ourselves how people raised in the same environment with the same opportunities turn out completely different.

Some things are just hard to understand.

And like they say.....you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose and you can't pick your family.

stevieray

02-13-2010, 10:43 AM

I have a cousin who got pissed at her mom because she wanted to add on a sunroom to her house, iow, spending her inheritance..got pissed and punched her and fractured one of her ribs...my wife and I had to take to the ER...needless to say she's been disowned... the sad thing is my cousin has never wanted for a thing and has lived in the lap of luxury her whole life..yet she felt robbed by a sunroom to the point of committing assault.

:doh!: :shake:

stumppy

02-13-2010, 10:44 AM

I recently made a stupid mistake and am kicking myself for it because I knew better.

My step niece called and needed a place for her and her POS husband to stay. They were living in a van in KC. Being the soft touch I am........sometimes, I said they could stay here until they got on their feet. It ended with me throwing both of the out of my house at about 10:00 at night a couple weeks ago. The last thing that happened was me headed towards their car with the intent of stomping a mudhole in her husbands bitch ass and him speeding away. The little fu**ing weasle.

I think what pisses me off the most is I knew better. I'm too damn old to do stupid shit like trying to help a couple of losers.

Almost forgot. Found out the little weasle had gone as far as sucked some dick to get drugs. The little weasle who sucks the penis had gotten drunk and told my nephew about it.

RJ

02-13-2010, 10:45 AM

Almost forgot. Found out the little weasle had gone as far as sucked some dick to get drugs. The little one who sucks the penis had gotten drunk and told my nephew about it.

I bet that's more common than we would like to think.

stumppy

02-13-2010, 10:47 AM

I bet that's more common than we would like to think.

Not by anyone I associate with. But you're probably right.

'Hamas' Jenkins

02-13-2010, 10:49 AM

The fact that stumpy is posting in this thread is awesome.

stumppy

02-13-2010, 10:55 AM

The fact that stumpy is posting in this thread is awesome.

Eh, you just like my avi.

Bwana

02-13-2010, 11:00 AM

I have a cousin about like that. He has changed his ways, but back in the day, this guy was crazy. He was living back east and called a cab for a ride home from the bar. (I guess after a couple DUI's, he wised up.) For some reason he called me from the back of the cab and we were talking. All of a sudden, I hear an argument between him and the cab driver. The voices kept getting louder and all hell broke loose.

Cab Driver: You need to get the **** out of my cab now!
Cousin: **** you! Get to driving you dumb son of a bitch!
Cab driver: Get out now!
Cousin: You're about ready to get your ass kicked Mohammad!

After that, I hear a brawl. The cab driver went around the side and tried to pull my cousin out of the back of the cab.

Cab Driver: No No! Stop!
Cousin: I told you mother ****er!

All I could hear was a beating taking place in the background.

The next thing I hear is a car start up. It would seem my cousin knocked out the cab driver and left him sprawled out in the burrow pit along the highway. He then jumped in the front of the cab and drove off.

He's telling me this over the phone as he's driving away with the dudes cab. He was drunk and was going to leave the cab parked in front of his house. I told him to ditch the cab at least a half a mile away in an alley and get the hell out of there.

He never did get caught, but he was sweating bullets for about a week. He never did go back to that bar where he called the cab either.

Pushead2

02-13-2010, 11:05 AM

I have a cousin that was quiet & has a Ph.D degree in Education. Was arrested & busted about 10 years ago for Dating a 16 year old boy. Did a few years. So our family was shocked that he was gay & that we was now a pedophile.

'Hamas' Jenkins

02-13-2010, 11:28 AM

I have a cousin about like that. He has changed his ways, but back in the day, this guy was crazy. He was living back east and called a cab for a ride home from the bar. (I guess after a couple DUI's, he wised up.) For some reason he called me from the back of the cab and we were talking. All of a sudden, I hear an argument between him and the cab driver. The voices kept getting louder and all hell broke loose.

Cab Driver: You need to get the **** out of my cab now!
Cousin: **** you! Get to driving you dumb son of a bitch!
Cab driver: Get out now!
Cousin: You're about ready to get your ass kicked Mohammad!

After that, I hear a brawl. The cab driver went around the side and tried to pull my cousin out of the back of the cab.

Cab Driver: No No! Stop!
Cousin: I told you mother ****er!

All I could hear was a beating taking place in the background.

The next thing I hear is a car start up. It would seem my cousin knocked out the cab driver and left him sprawled out in the burrow pit along the highway. He then jumped in the front of the cab and drove off.

He's telling me this over the phone as he's driving away with the dudes cab. He was drunk and was going to leave the cab parked in front of his house. I told him to ditch the cab at least a half a mile away in an alley and get the hell out of there.

He never did get caught, but he was sweating bullets for about a week. He never did go back to that bar where he called the cab either.

http://i34.tinypic.com/rtlrfk.jpg

Phobia

02-13-2010, 11:43 AM

I have a BiL who is sitting in jail on DWI 6 or so.
Trashed an RX-7 into a tree.
Rolled some Jeep vehicle.
Crashed into a house of a KC radio personality.
While on parole for that one he passed out drunk at the wheel and killed a guy changing his tire while his fiance sat inside the car. Both of them spent nearly a month in the hospital.
Took a job in Alaska and within the first week got drunk with the guys and drove one of the work trucks into a side of the church, abandoned his 2 year old girl and Mom and started ****ing around while up there.
Is now back in KC, had another wreck after leaving a bar and seriously was upset that most of his family wasn't up at the hospital, uh dude everyone is sick of your BS and tired of watching you try to kill yourself. Now in jail awaiting trial.

Yeah - I gave that idiot a job for a couple months. So glad I got out of that relatively unscathed. He's never going to learn. Something very wrong in that boy's head.

Hog's Gone Fishin

02-13-2010, 01:32 PM

I've heard the Navy is the very softest form of the military. From boot camp all the way up. Can anyone confirm?

Navy is made up mostly of people that want the military experience that are scared they might have to be in actual combat. they mostly just have to worry about not falling off the boat when drunk or getting pushed overboard by their ghey boyfriends lover.

Real men join the Marines as my family members did.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 01:42 PM

Navy is made up mostly of people that want the military experience that are scared they might have to be in actual combat. they mostly just have to worry about not falling off the boat when drunk or getting pushed overboard by their ghey boyfriends lover.

Real men join the Marines as my family members did.

LMAO

So you're at least related to some real men, eh?

I doubt if they'll be posting about being proud of your retarded fucking ass anytime soon.

DaFace

02-13-2010, 01:46 PM

Rough deal, man. I hope, for your cousin's sake mostly, that it turns out for the best somehow. I've been fortunate to have a reasonably well-functioning extended family. We have our internal spats, but no one's been in too much legal trouble as far as I know.

(As an aside, you're actually talking about your first cousin, once removed. Just FWIW.)

stumppy

02-13-2010, 01:49 PM

Navy is made up mostly of people that want the military experience that are scared they might have to be in actual combat. they mostly just have to worry about not falling off the boat when drunk or getting pushed overboard by their ghey boyfriends lover.

Real men join the Marines as my family members did.

I heard the only reason Marines are on the Navy's ships is so the sailors would have someone to dance with.:evil:

Frazod

02-13-2010, 01:49 PM

Rough deal, man. I hope, for your cousin's sake mostly, that it turns out for the best somehow. I've been fortunate to have a reasonably well-functioning extended family. We have our internal spats, but no one's been in too much legal trouble as far as I know.

(As an aside, you're actually talking about your first cousin, once removed. Just FWIW.)

???

So if the child of my first cousin isn't a second cousin, WTF is a second cousin?

DaFace

02-13-2010, 01:52 PM

???

So if the child of my first cousin isn't a second cousin, WTF is a second cousin?

Your kids and the troublemaker are second cousins. All non-"removed" cousins are in the same generation in your family tree.

Siblings share the same parents.
Cousins share the same grandparents.
Second cousins share the same great grandparents.
Third cousins share the same great, great grandparents.

There is a generational difference between you and him, so that's where the "removed" comes in. In other words, your grandparents are the troublemaker's great grandparents. Therefore, he's a first-cousin, once removed. If the troublemaker had kids, they'd be your first cousins, twice removed.

Mr. Flopnuts

02-13-2010, 01:56 PM

Huh. Learn something new everyday. I thought I had a couple of 2nd cousins, that are actually first cousins once removed. How you feeling today Face? :D

RJ

02-13-2010, 01:57 PM

Huh. Learn something new everyday. I thought I had a couple of 2nd cousins, that are actually first cousins once removed. How you feeling today Face? :D

I've been making the same mistake.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 01:57 PM

Your kids and the troublemaker are second cousins. All non-"removed" cousins are in the same generation in your family tree.

Siblings share the same parents.
Cousins share the same grandparents.
Second cousins share the same great grandparents.
Third cousins share the same great, great grandparents.

There is a generational difference between you and him, so that's where the "removed" comes in. In other words, your grandparents are the troublemaker's great grandparents. Therefore, he's a first-cousin, once removed. If the troublemaker had kids, they'd be your first cousins, twice removed.

I'll be damned. I never knew that.

DaFace

02-13-2010, 01:59 PM

Huh. Learn something new everyday. I thought I had a couple of 2nd cousins, that are actually first cousins once removed. How you feeling today Face? :D

Heh...I'm fine. I typically recover pretty well. :)

I'll be damned. I never knew that.

Yeah, my grandpa is big into genealogy, so he burned that stuff into my head pretty well. Here's a page that explains it better than I did.

http://www.genealogy.com/16_cousn.html

"Bob" Dobbs

02-13-2010, 02:06 PM

Souds like some of you have relatives that need to be once removed... by FORCE.

Bugeater

02-13-2010, 02:14 PM

I have a BiL who is sitting in jail on DWI 6 or so.
Trashed an RX-7 into a tree.
Rolled some Jeep vehicle.
Crashed into a house of a KC radio personality.
While on parole for that one he passed out drunk at the wheel and killed a guy changing his tire while his fiance sat inside the car. Both of them spent nearly a month in the hospital.
Took a job in Alaska and within the first week got drunk with the guys and drove one of the work trucks into a side of the church, abandoned his 2 year old girl and Mom and started ****ing around while up there.
Is now back in KC, had another wreck after leaving a bar and seriously was upset that most of his family wasn't up at the hospital, uh dude everyone is sick of your BS and tired of watching you try to kill yourself. Now in jail awaiting trial.
After that point all the FAIL is on our judicial system, dude should've been doing hard time.

Earthling

02-13-2010, 02:21 PM

Navy is made up mostly of people that want the military experience that are scared they might have to be in actual combat. they mostly just have to worry about not falling off the boat when drunk or getting pushed overboard by their ghey boyfriends lover.

Real men join the Marines as my family members did.

ROFL Look at the paycheck the Marines get each month. It says Dept. of the US Navy on it...jarhead. :p

Earthling

02-13-2010, 02:27 PM

I have a friend who received a message that his son was in critical condition in a Salt Lake City hospital. Him and his wife drove there immediately (250 miles from here) While he was on the road his son, who was very much alive and well and had staged the call, robbed his dads place of most things of value he had...including his guns. He called the police on his return and his son is now doing some major time in Canon City jail.

Hog's Gone Fishin

02-13-2010, 02:30 PM

LMAO

So you're at least related to some real men, eh?

I doubt if they'll be posting about being proud of your retarded ****ing ass anytime soon.

Dumbass, I am appreciated by my relatives AND the military !

Updated February 13, 2010
British Defense Unveils Special Goo to Protect Soldiers

Britain's Ministry of Defense unveiled a robot hand that could defuse bombs and a luminous goo produced from Boar semen that flows around soldiers’ moving bodies but hardens to protect them if they are hit and a uniform that conducts electricity.

The innovations were among the first fruits of the initiative that aims to harness scientific innovation for rapid use on the battlefield. They are being funded by grants from the MoD's Center for Defense Enterprise, which encourages private companies to bring their products straight to the government for development. Officials say that 15 in every 100 applications are tested and about two are then developed.

But, the event held in Oxford on Friday looked more like a convention for dreadlocked and ponytailed Dungeons and Dragons enthusiasts than a Ministry of Defence event.

Among the companies to have received funding is an unknown company created by a HOG FARMER in the United States , which has developed an "intelligent" liquid goo, that is easily malleable when moved slowly but whose molecules lock together and absorb force when hit by a projectile.

To demonstrate its properties, which have uses in a new generation of helmets and types of body armor, members of the team wrapped the luminous goo round their hands and then struck them repeatedly with hammers. "The way that the material responds to your body movements, you get a duality of flexibility and protection," Floria Antolini said.

Other innovations on show included the "Little Owl", a lightweight drone that its developers hope will carry 20kg of surveillance equipment and power itself on solar energy for up to three months. The project has received £44,000 of funding for development.

Intelligent Textiles received £49,500 to help it to develop an army uniform that conducts electricity and computer data through internally woven "conductive yarns". It allows troops to attach electrical equipment to powerpoints on their uniform, and to run internal heaters to keep them warm. The uniform runs off a central battery pack.

The MoD believes that it will remove 2kg from the weight of equipment for troops in combat and is also being considered by the Canadian military. Even if the material is pierced, officials claim, it will still conduct electricity around the damaged area without loss of power.

Crib Gogh, which makes extreme survival equipment, has already developed a durable solar-panel mat that folds into a backpack pouch and delivers enough power to run a computer. It is to be delivered to forward bases in Afghanistan.

Currently the MoD runs small generators at such bases whose fuel costs are 17 times the market price because of transport costs.

The MoD also spends millions of pounds on the purchase and transport of batteries for soldiers who use an average of eight AA batteries a day.

The hand mimics the movements of a controller wearing a sensory glove and can be used at a range of hundreds of meters. "Without a shadow of a doubt this could be used in the bomb disposal world," he said, "and it would obviously be a massive leap forward from what we have at the moment."

"Thanks man," said the hand’s dreadlocked designer, Rich Walker, 39, a self-confessed Dungeons and Dragons fan. The company is also developing robotic limbs for use in radioactive environments. He expects the hand to be picking apart bombs on the battlefield within two years.

Frazod

02-13-2010, 02:49 PM

I really don't think there is anybody left who finds your dumb fuck pig cum stories to be anything but retarded. Go stick your head in the oven and turn on the gas.

Hammock Parties

02-13-2010, 03:01 PM

I like pig cum

stories.

Buehler445

02-13-2010, 03:07 PM

Your kids and the troublemaker are second cousins. All non-"removed" cousins are in the same generation in your family tree.

Siblings share the same parents.
Cousins share the same grandparents.
Second cousins share the same great grandparents.
Third cousins share the same great, great grandparents.

There is a generational difference between you and him, so that's where the "removed" comes in. In other words, your grandparents are the troublemaker's great grandparents. Therefore, he's a first-cousin, once removed. If the troublemaker had kids, they'd be your first cousins, twice removed.

I was just wondering about this yesterday.
Posted via Mobile Device

Hog's Gone Fishin

02-13-2010, 03:07 PM

I really don't think there is anybody left who finds your dumb **** pig cum stories to be anything but retarded. Go stick your head in the oven and turn on the gas.

That reminds me your last order is on backorder. Jumbo got an infection and he's currently on penicillin treatment and by the way you have past due invoices that need to be paid ! ASAP!

cardken

02-13-2010, 03:24 PM

Family is probably the reason I hesitate marry my longtime Girlfriend (of 7 yrs). she tired of them and has little contact with them to her credit. Her parents are trash, used her for years as slave labor in their business, she finally left them after years of trying to convince her to do so. And now doesn't speak with them.
Her older sister, is a chronic weed smoker, her husband a redneck biker, who as it turns out is Bisexual. They have two teenage daughters both have had kids, 16 and 19 respectively, two years ago they slept with a friend of the fathers who was crashing there, that makes the girls ages 14 and 16 at the time, and didn't press charges, the friend was asked to leave. Their son is a Klepto and chronic bed wetter at 15. And the youngest has been arrested several time for assault on adults and children alike, he is 11.
Her other sister has 4 kids none of which live with her, she is a pill popper and dates it would seem felons and drug dealers exclusively. That is the highlights with lots of details discussed.
My girlfriend BTW, has two children, good kids, good students. She is gainfully employed and is in management. So it is weird how the DNA gets distributed. I shouldn't hold her family against her but what a Motley Crew they are.

Well, this pales in comparison, but my sister is 25. She had a wonderful boyfriend who was kind and generous and loving and built like a hunk, and didn't cheat on her. They had been dating for almost 2 years I guess, and were looking at rings. She didn't want to move in with him because she was afraid of what our parents (they are still Jehovah's Witnesses) would think and whether or not a large portion of the "Jehovah rocks" members of our family would come to their wedding.

So she got dumped.

It's not that she's dumb, but religious hangups certainly are dumb.

If he dumped her just because she wouldn't move in with him, he's not all that wonderful.

If he dumped her just because she wouldn't move in with him, he's not all that wonderful.

Yeah I pretty much told her that. But I still think it's kinda dumb.

patteeu

02-13-2010, 03:54 PM

Family is probably the reason I hesitate marry my longtime Girlfriend (of 7 yrs). she tired of them and has little contact with them to her credit. Her parents are trash, used her for years as slave labor in their business, she finally left them after years of trying to convince her to do so. And now doesn't speak with them.
Her older sister, is a chronic weed smoker, her husband a redneck biker, who as it turns out is Bisexual. They have two teenage daughters both have had kids, 16 and 19 respectively, two years ago they slept with a friend of the fathers who was crashing there, that makes the girls ages 14 and 16 at the time, and didn't press charges, the friend was asked to leave. Their son is a Klepto and chronic bed wetter at 15. And the youngest has been arrested several time for assault on adults and children alike, he is 11.
Her other sister has 4 kids none of which live with her, she is a pill popper and dates it would seem felons and drug dealers exclusively. That is the highlights with lots of details discussed.
My girlfriend BTW, has two children, good kids, good students. She is gainfully employed and is in management. So it is weird how the DNA gets distributed. I shouldn't hold her family against her but what a Motley Crew they are.

Wow. That sucks for her, but I wouldn't blame you not wanting to get mixed up in that mess. You take your chances with a person who comes from that kind of dysfunction even if she seems pretty stable and on the ball at the moment.

Hopefully, for her sake, someone will take a chance on her and she'll make that chance pay off.

sd4chiefs

02-13-2010, 04:26 PM

My ex Brother-n-law has had 6 DWI's and lost his house and life savings gambling. It would suck being 55, divorced, broke, and living with your 80 year old mother. He still acts like everything that has happened to him is his ex Wifes fault.