And here we go....since dh left dsd's mom, she has had strange men in and out of her house and bed. When dsd was five, I got her from her mother so that she could be with us when her dad came home from Iraq. The night before he came home, she started complaining of burning and itching in her private parts. I got her an appt for the day after he got home and when they did the exam it showed that she had been molested and had an infection. They arrested dh, but obviously released him. Dsd said it was her big brother, and the state we lived in contacted the home state, but they wouldn't do anything because they don't investigate child on child abuse.
Since then, we have tried multiple times to get custody, but have yet to succeed. Most of the places bm has lived are not good enough for dogs, much less children. Right now, the house isn't bad looking, for once. However, dsd's bedroom is 6 ft by 4 ft. It doesn't have a closet, window, or a door. They've lived here for about 3 yrs. Her brothers each have a nice sized room and her mother, and there are two living rooms. The one living room is located right beside dsd's room and where some of the boyfriends have stayed.
Two years ago, one of these men raped my dsd...she was 13. We had had "the talk" before that happened, and since. She made a mistake and did sleep with one of her boyfriends when she was 14. Dsd has become a lot like her mother though with having new boyfriends ever other month. Her latest just turned 17, has a pretty messed up home life, seemed nice when dh met him but acted like a 13 yrs old and was all over dsd when he met dh. Dh said something about it and the kid didn't care. He also keeps failing the SOLs, and doesn't care about that.
Fast forward to this weekend, bm and dsd tell dh when we're picking her up for visitation that she's pregnant, about 2 months. The ER doctor gave her a due date of January 26th. They had known for a week but decided to wait until we went up there to say something. Dh wants to know if we hadn't gone up, when were they going to tell us. Who the fuck knows. We can't be really surprised, but there is still shock. Dsd won't be 16 until January 13th. Dh turns 35 January 6th, I turn 34 in September, we are all too young.
Guess we'll be starting to look for baby stuff. We have given her a choice of where to live. My head is spinning...

Replies

Wow this poor girl's BM failed her from early childhood, probably from birth! It's a shame she had to go back to such a skank and endure sexual abuse that changed her life forever! She is going down the same path as her mom (and I use the term very loosely) and wasting her life and her potential. The best thing that can happen to her is to go somewhere to get help, away from the skank and maybe have the opportunity to turn her life around and not let the cycle continue with her child!

That's the plan. I'm actually looking at the homeschooling thing now. We feel that if she stays with her mother that this will happen again and she might quit school.

Quoting shirleywiley:

A very close friend of mine was the teenager in a similar situation. By the time she was 19 she had her 3rd kid and was working with the state to get custody of her older 2 back. She has been kicked out of the housing program because she left her apartment (that the state was paying for) in shambles. And hasn't been able to hold a job for more than a few months. My advice to you is that it's tough love time. Don't make her do it by herself cuz that's far too much for her to handle but you have to make life hard for her. She needs to get a job and maybe look into at home schooling while she's still pregnant. There's an online highschool called Penn Foster that she could transfer credits to and be able to graduate with an actual high school diploma. They also have college courses. If she steps up and takes care of herself and her baby now then it could make her a stronger more beautiful person in the future. However, I'm telling you catering to her whim is not the support she needs. Make her work for it.

Yes she has, and the court has too. We know that she is, and we have tried everything. That's why we are hoping to get her to come down here and live. If we can get her, then we can put her into counseling. Either way, that child will not go down that road if we can help it.

Quoting Shelly126:

Wow this poor girl's BM failed her from early childhood, probably from birth! It's a shame she had to go back to such a skank and endure sexual abuse that changed her life forever! She is going down the same path as her mom (and I use the term very loosely) and wasting her life and her potential. The best thing that can happen to her is to go somewhere to get help, away from the skank and maybe have the opportunity to turn her life around and not let the cycle continue with her child!