I would consider driving a U-haul. Run the numbers and if it saves some cash I would happily submit to a background check.

I'm checking into that option. The Subaru comes with a tow bar, so all I'd need is a vehicle capable of pulling it. The rental car companies all told me to go fuck myself, and the online tools for U-Haul / Budget / Penske won't let me select anything smaller than a box truck for towing. Need to give 'em a call.