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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, my future. Not like I used to, with hope, expectation and excitement, a little nervous but always hopeful, now it’s all blurry, scary, uncertain, I still have many dreams and goals but they seem far away, almost unreachable. That is sad and makes me angry… I don’t want to think or feel this way and I know I don’t have to. There’s hope for me and my dreams. My life and my future are in God’s good hands. It’s the decision-making process that scares me the most, what if I mess up and make the wrong decisions or go the wrong way? All I want to do is God’s will for my life… So, despite my feelings, fears and insecurities I’ll keep walking and trusting Him. He watches over me and He’ll keep me on the right path and I… I’ll try to figure it out as I go along that path.

“We all live and learn as we go, the hard part is figuring out what’s worth holding on to, and what is better off left behind.” – Anonymous

Today seemed like a good day to resurrect my blog, if you know what I mean…

No? You don’t?

Well, two things:

My project (writing a post every day) was on pause for almost 4 months and that’s very sad for me, because it means I wasn’t able to go through with my “new year resolution” and that’s disappointing.

But hey! The goal wasn’t just writing daily for a whole year just to write stuff every day. The idea was to force myself to write continuously and with that practice my Spanish, my English and even my translation skills.

So here I am. With a new goal, a less demanding one (which I think I should have started with and then go to the daily thing) I’m going to write at least once a week, if I want and I’m able to write more than that, better, perfect. But the goal is going to be “at least one post each week”.

The other thing… Today the Christian world celebrated Easter and the resurrection of my Lord, Jesus Christ… I don’t really like the “religiosity” of things, like celebrating this day because it’s a tradition. I mean, the fact that Jesus died for me, for my sins, my faults, was buried and conquered the death by rising again is the ground of my whole life, it’s actually what gives me a life to even begin with, it’s why I’m able to wake up every day and live, every single day, not just today. But that should not be a reason why not to take this day as an opportunity to publically celebrate; once again, God’s power, God’s love for me and the promise of an eternal and abundant life in Christ. So yeah: He is risen! He is alive! He reigns today, yesterday, every day forever and eternally. Yay! 😀

Welcome back to the craziness of my mind and the world of my words! 🙂

Thanks for reading, again and please come with me as I try to make it through this renewed goal.

Yay!! For new mid-April new year’s resolutions: At least a weekly post till next April 20th.

The image above is from the 2006 Oscars. These were the five nominees for Best Actor. We are without two of them tonight. Heath Ledger died in 2008 and Philip Seymour Hoffman died today, both brilliant artists gone too soon, both fathers and sons and brothers and friends, both lives taken by drug overdoses. If you want to look closer, Joaquin Phoenix lost his brother River to a drug overdose in 1993. Beyond that, Joaquin was nominated for his role in Walk the Line. He played Johnny Cash, the musical legend who, in real life, struggled for many years with drug addiction.

These famous names represent millions less known, millions of stories cut short, families with so much forever missing. Children shouldn’t grow up without parents and parents shouldn’t have to bury their children.

This is what i’ve come to believe: There is much at stake. There are lives in the balance and ripples that push on for decades. Addiction is an awful beast to beat. It’s never easy and it’s never over and it will be a fight renewed each morning. But it’s possible. i think of my uncle and my buddy Denny and so many people i’ve met on the road over the last eight years. Their lives are undeniable evidence that it’s possible to change, that it’s worth it to try and to keep trying, worth it to fight and keep fighting. Because this life is worth living. Because you are loved and made to be loved and made to give love and to experience a thousand wonderful things.

We’re all in this together. It’s okay to be honest. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say you’re stuck, or that you’re haunted or that you can’t begin to let go. We can all relate to those things. Screw the stigma that says otherwise. Break the silence and break the cycle, for you are more than just your pain. You are not alone. And people need other people.

Posted on: 2 February 2014

By: Jamie Tworkowski

I couldn’t agree more. I love this words and I believe them.

On other notes: This is one of the reasons I admire Jamie so much, one of the reasons he inspires me. This is one of the reasons why one of my dreams is to meet the guy… He’s got a golden heart and a talented “pen”. He’s such a good writer. He’s one of my heroes.

Today I want to talk about the good movie my teacher made us watch for the Italian class… Like the title says it’s called “La grande bellezza” The ultimate beauty… or something like that, I don’t know the title they gave to it in English.

It’s a SUPER weird movie hahaha but it’s got a good message under all the craziness.

I won’t say I recommend you to watch it because like they said today in class, it’s not a film made for everyone to see. Not everyone would like a film like that.

But what I liked about it is the background lesson I feel it intends to leave us with.

Roots are important… everything else in life is just “tricks” distractions, decoration, smoke and lights. Life is not about that. It’s not really about “material” beauty. For example, art is good, it fills life with beauty and we can say that it’s important. But art it’s never going to be more important than essential real life needs, relationships, your family, knowing where you’re from, your culture, appreciating who you are and the people around you, the ones you love, the ones that love you. Love is important. Love motivates art… but Art is not the “ultimate beauty”, the love behind the Art is the ultimate beauty.

Life is about focusing in the roots while enjoying the tricks = Being happy.

If we waste too much time searching for the superficial “ultimate beauty”, getting lost in the tricks, the distractions, the pretty things that are not necessarily the important, essential things we’ll never be truly happy.

So, to me the “roots” are: The place where you were born and raised, your family, your friends, your culture, nature, love, your beliefs, your values = the things that make you who you are.

and the “tricks” are: (all the bad things like drug and other worldly pleasures, plus some very good things of which we can enjoy with no problem like…) Music, art in general, physical beauty, make-up, clothes, sports, writing, reading, go out, good food, movies, parties, fun, the gym…

Like I said before, let’s just enjoy the “good” tricks but never forgetting that what really matters are the roots 🙂

The best part of today was definitely the super silly conversation I just had with my lovely friend Ruth! I mean, she’s the best.

Actually the best thing that happened to me last year was having the Italian CTT class (the best class with the best teacher <3) with her.

It’s funny because I told her so many, silly, ordinary things that go through my mind, that should probably never come out of my mind but…It’s LIFE, and life is meant to be shared, that must be why I feel that crazy impulse of telling somebody about these silly things that happen to me and make me think even sillier things. I’m really happy knowing that I get to share my life with such amazing people as my friend Ruth! She’s always willing to listen to my crazy stuff, my confessions, my irrational thoughts and my sometimes absurd, sometimes dramatic conclusions. I really hope she never gets tired of me or I don’t know what I’ll do with my life, with all my silly stories if I can’t tell her about them… It’s just not the same to come to the blog and “let it all out” in here…

She laughs, she replies to me, she answers my questions, she gives me advices and supports me, while this, the blog, is only me trying to leave a record of my memories in this “cyber paper”. I think both things are important, the one on one interaction and the keeping a blog with my daily thoughts, ideas, or just random stuff. Obviously one is better than the other hahaha…

And to all of you leaving comments in my posts… ¡Thank you so much! you give life to this “silent cyber paper”.