Terra Firma Seeking $160 Million In Life Support for EMI; News Writer Seeking Asian Redhead (Must be Willing to be the Breadwinner)

This just in: Terra Firma — the firm whose name means “solid ground,” remember? — is now reportedly trying to raise an additional $160 million to keep EMI afloat in, uh… financial water. The figure, as well as the mixed metaphor, is apparently needed despite recent successes meeting financial obligations to lender Citigroup (read: the Beatle$ rema$ter$).

After having fallen short on earlier covenants, Terra Firma had reportedly used reserves to cover the deficits, and now (duh) the Financial Times noted that Terra’s chances of meeting upcoming covenants are in serious, like, Alex Trebek-with-a-gun-and-nothing-left-to-lose type jeopardy. The Wall Street Journal has noted that Terra “is almost certain to fall short” on upcoming financial tests and has pointed to “revised business plans and proposals” from the label group. I guess “revised” usually means “better,” but hey, we could all use a good semantics lesson now and again. Separately, a source close to the label recently indicated the expectation of a “near-term blowup,” including possible divestitures and breakups of various recording and publishing units. Yipes.

Quick, everyone: think. THINK. Aren’t there more ways to keep selling people the same Beatles tracks over and over? How about 26 new albums that each feature any and all Beatles songs that start with a given letter of the alphabet? Or maybe a record of instrumental versions of all of the songs Ringo sang lead on?

John Davis, formerly of Q and Not U and Georgie James, has started up a new band more in the musical vein of the latter rather than the former, called Title Tracks. Always the gentleman, Ted Leo has decided to take Title Tracks on the road with him and his Pharmacists this March. Before that, Title Tracks have some headlining dates of their own lined up, coinciding with the release of their debut album, It Was Easy, due February 23 on Ernest Jenning.

It Was Easy tracklisting:

01. Every Little Bit Hurts
02. No, Girl
03. Black Bubblegum
04. Piles of Paper
05. Hello There
06. Tougher Than the Rest
07. Steady Love
08. It Was Easy
09. At Fifteen
10. Found Out
11. She Don’t Care About Time

This Saturday, February 6, Dengue Fever, the alt-psych-rock outfit aiming for circa ‘Vietnam Conflict’ vintage pop, are playing a Haitian Benefit show. “What?” You ask. “Yes,” I say, at The El Rey in loving Los Angeles.

After moving through the standard steps of grief upon learning the news myself, it is with great sadness I relay the message that Gowns, a phenomenal band that counts many of this site’s contributors as fans, have announced their dissolution. In a five-year career, they produced two EPs, one full-length, and several tours’ worth of heart-stopping live sets. From Gowns member Erika Anderson’s blog:

As of last week, the collaboration between artists Erika Anderson, Ezra Buchla, and Corey Fogel, also known as GOWNS, has ceased to breathe. […] We were tapping into some very raw emotions, and I’m ultimately proud of the risks we took. In spite of anything else, I feel like we were honest, and I feel like we were brave. I’m also proud of the sounds we created, as though the combination of our talents created something that was rare and unique. […] I’m sorry we couldn’t keep it together.

After a single listen on the suggestion of a fellow TMT writer, I implored every one of my musically-inclined friends to get Gowns’ sole LP, 2007’s Red State (TMT Review). I extend the same suggestion to you. The album is exquisitely beautiful and deeply unsettling, totally gut-wrenching, and surprisingly humanizing. Anderson once told me that, during its production, every member of the band had moments where they felt they’d gone crazy, striving to make every second achieve total perfection and clarity. After listening to the album dozens of times as a whole and to every song individually dozens of times more, I believe what they produced is unprecedented, peerless, and indeed perfect. I guess something as good as Gowns is never long for this world.

So it’s come to this, has it? Apparently, the industry’s eyes are so glazed over with paranoia that they’ve started issuing warrants for little old ladies to get dropkicked in the ass by their ISPs. 53-year old Cathi Paradiso reportedly had her internet suspended by Qwest Communications after they assumed she’d been downloading illegal material, including ZombieLand, Harry Potter, and South Park. Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury, I ask you this: do these television programs and/or movies sound anything like what a 53-year-old woman would download? Would a 53-year-old woman even know how to download a movie? Maybe, but these film and TV titles do sound like 13-year-old boy fare. COME ON NOW! Doesn’t it seem the least bit possible that little boys (or sad-sack man-boys) were stealing internet juice from the older, unassuming lady? Not that all old ladies are unassuming — many are impeccably tech-savvy — but you get what I’m saying. It seems pretty unlikely.

After being dropped abruptly from her ISP with a stern slap on the wrist, Paradiso alerted the media, hoping this would help locate the true culprits. And true enough, some interference from CNET prompted a technician to have a closer look at Paradiso’s network. Indeed, they determined that Paradiso’s network had been “compromised” by another (and probably way less mature) party.

Case closed. Next week on Dragnet, Sgt. Joe Friday, and Sgt. Ben Romero take on the case of the missing B Channel…