An Arkansas Player Was Arrested Shoplifting At Belk Before The Belk Bowl

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Arkansas senior tight end Jeremy Sprinkle was suspended from the Belk Bowl after Charlotte Police cited him for shoplifting.

Sprinkle attempted to shoplift items at the Belk department store at the SouthPark Mall in Charlotte on Tuesday, putting eight items into his bag after the team’s shopping spree had finished. Police arrived after a call was made and cited him for unlawful concealment and released him.

Arkansas was at Belk to shop as each player on both teams, Arkansas and its Belk Bowl opponent Virginia Tech, had 90 minutes to spend a $450 gift card at Belk on anything in the store. The players also each received a Fossil watch.

“Yeah, these guys are morons, we got this.” – Virginia Tech, upon leaving Belk and seeing an Arkansas player being arrested for shoplifting during a paid for shopping spree.

That’s some pretty stunning stupidity. And I bet this Sprinkle guy didn’t even go with my patented, air tight football player excuse to get out of anything. Blame CTE.

“Uhhh, ummmm, derrrrrr, my head’s all cloudy from the CTE I didn’t know what I was doing” could get you out of anything. And if the authorities and your coaches don’t believe you, take to social media and say they IGNORED YOUR CTE because they’re soulless capitalists wringing every cent they can out of you. And if you’re a minority player maybe sprinkle in a slavery reference and accuse them of being subtly racist and BOOM problem solved.

All the reflexive morons tweeting and posting Facebook statuses about it will be like, “Yes he was driving three times over the legal limit and yes he did crash into a nursing home, causing it to catch on fire and burn down, but he’s raising really important issues here. We can’t understand what it’s like to go through everything he’s gone through and if they punish him THEY ARE EVIL.” Then everyone will be too afraid of the impending OUTRAGE to do anything, or at the very least they’ll just figure it’ll be easier to not deal with it. Either way, that player isn’t getting punished. If anything, he becomes a hero, bravely speaking out for his historically underprivileged and overlooked group: football players.