Gloria is a young wife eager to please her husband, Mike, through acts of service. She manages to clean the house every week even though she works full time, but she wants to do more to show Mike that she truly loves him. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, everyone is born with the ability to show and receive emotional love in five different ways, but we all tend to prefer one way the most. Of the five love languages, acts of service is just one way a wife can share her love with her husband. Let’s explore what Gloria, and any other woman, can do to show love through acts of service.

Is “Acts of Service” His Love Language?

Don’t confuse the acts of service love language with the basic needs of a man. Most men in a loving, long-term relationship want to feel needed, seek ways to be the hero and yearn to feel appreciated for their rescue efforts.

There is no “profile” of a person whose primary love language is acts of service. He might be a busy corporate executive with a schedule fuller than an airport the day before Christmas. Or he might be a novelist who craves solitude to “write his epic,” but seems to be doing nothing but brooding a lot and making scratches in a notebook. Here are some hints to determine if this is his love language:

* He continually hints, or even nags, about a task being accomplished.* You doing one of “his” chores pleases him more than giving him a hug, spending time with him, giving a gift, or telling him how wonderful he is.

* His face lights up at the words, “Can I do that for you, honey?”* He does little things around the house that aren’t “his” chores. * He loves being noticed and thanked for his acts of service.

Acts of Service Is All About Being Selfless

Out of all of the other love languages, acts of service may be the most difficult to perform, because the giver does not receive any immediate reward. In fact, she might have to do something very distasteful. Those who show love through physical touch will give hugs, hold hands, and receive something out of it for themselves. If acts of service are what make him feel loved, at times the wife will have to sacrifice her own desires.

Sacrifice? But isn’t marriage all about a partnership, each mate doing his and her part to make it work? Yes, but the success of the marriage depends greatly on the attitude of each spouse being totally committed to making it work, even when it means doing things that don’t always benefit both parties.

Ideas for Women to Show Love through Acts of Service

1. Communicate. As with all other aspects of married life, meaningful communication that produces understanding is so essential to acts of service. A wife might think she’s doing her husband a big favor by maintaining the car, but what if the husband actually enjoys car maintenance, and even feels a little territorial about it?

It’s always best for a wife to ask her husband, “What can I do for you that would relieve your burden a little?”

2. Learn something new. Gender roles in marriage are not what they used to be, but some women may still feel limited in what they can do for their husbands. Can’t tell the difference between an open-end wrench from a socket wrench? It’s never too late to learn, and with the Internet so readily available, every woman has a world of information at her fingertips. It has never been so easy to pick up a new skill, whether it is learning to use a new spreadsheet program for keeping a household budget, or knowing the names of all of his tools. It’s usually not necessary for a wife to gain the skill level her husband already has in an area, but she can at least become familiar in order to help him. Most men feel proud of their wives when they learn new skills. Some husbands even like to know that their wives will be capable and totally independent if something should happen to them.

3. Offer an extra set of hands. Companionship and friendship are two of the greatest benefits of marriage, but most couples divide up chores and projects as “his” and “hers.” Why not offer to work alongside him as his assistant?

Offer help in fetching tools, holding a ladder or flashlight, or digging out the right size screws from containers. Wash the car, paint a room, pull weeds in the garden – together! This will satisfy not only the one whose love language is acts of service, but the spouse with quality time love language needs will benefit too.

4. Be his secretary. With online banking and bill-pay options, a wife can easily and quickly keep track of spending and bill paying, saving her husband time and worry. She can also research important information about finances or purchases to present to him before they make a decision, such as narrowing down the possibilities for the best mortgage loan and real estate agent.

5. Food. They say the way to win a man’s heart is through his stomach. That pretty much never changes, even after the girl has him hooked. Finding delicious recipes just for him will show that his wife loves him to go to so much trouble. A wife can also show she cares by taking him a drink while he mows the lawn, fixing him a snack for the big game, and getting up with him in the morning to fix his breakfast and make his lunch.

6. Be humble. Doing a chore that is traditionally “his” may not seem as humbling as scrubbing toilets or the other menial chores. A few women may find it demeaning to do what that they worked so hard to be “liberated” from.

But if a wife truly loves her husband, she’ll do whatever really makes him feel cared for. If it’s making sure the laundry is done every day, so be it. Every couple is a unique unit, and it’s best to throw out all of the preconceptions and expectations, and do what is best for the success of the marriage.

7. Seek opportunities for random acts of service. Sometimes it’s the small acts of service, those that are completely unexpected, that mean the most. Plug in his cell phone to charge, or search for all of his dirty socks that belong in the hamper (without mentioning it). The loving husband would prefer a random act of service and a happy wife, rather than a wife who caters to his every whim and becomes irritable and drowsy at bedtime.

8. Be appreciative. If acts of service is a husband’s love language, sometimes the best way to tell him you love him is to be on the alert for his acts of service, and thank him profusely for them.

Many wives knock themselves out just to keep it all together, and adding additional tasks may seem like the proverbial straw about to break a camel’s back. Even when husbands know their wives work hard, occasionally they like to hear, “Everything I do is because I love you.” Although acts of service is only one way to show love, the wife should not neglect this essential love language.

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