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Been Down Lately

Antiquitie's Friend

I know I haven't posted lately, but I have been feeling down for some time. Things are happening to me physically that are just too much for me to handle. I don't want to talk to anyone and I am forcing myself to write here now.

I had written a new thread, but something happend and it erased my whole post. I don't quite have the energy to explain it all over again.

I just don't seem to be able to get into gear anymore. I just don't know anything anymore.

SF Friend

No need to explain any further than just that you're feeling like shit. I'm sorry that things haven't gotten any better than when you last posted.:sad: I wish there was something concrete I could do to help you other than just to reiterate: I love ya honey and am here for you whenever you need an ear, a shoulder, a leg to stand on, or a pillar to lean against.:smile: :smile:

Antiquitie's Friend

At least you answered me. I'm feeling a little bitter these days. People I thought were friends wound up not being friends at all. I should have known better. My shrink says I don't play well with others. I guess I don't.

My health can only improve if I've been dead for three days. I was on both Lortab and Morphine, but I dropped the morphine. With my background, morphine is not the best option. If I have one more anxiety attack, I'll jump off a roof. My hair and teeth are falling out. I've gained even more weight and to top it all off, my oldest dog, Charles, died.:rip:

Jeffrey is working his butt off trying to take care of me, his mother and our elderly neighbor. He's burning the candle at both ends,:stretcher but he doesn't see it that way. Because of this, I don't know if he is going to be home or not.:dunno. Driving on my meds are not a good idea, but I have to, because Jeffrey is doing something for somebody else. I know this sounds selfish, but I am afraid without him. I'm forgetting things - everyday things - and Jeffrey gets so angry at me.:thatsit: He keeps telling me to get my head out of my ass, but considering how fat my ass has gotten, this is no easy feat. Terrible joke, wasn't it? Sadie has picked up some habits from school that make my hair stand on end.:evil: :eeek: She has become rude, defiant and downright smackable.:bottom: I'm just afraid I'll alienate her if I come on too strong. And quite frankly, I'm not quite sure what to do. I don't like smacking her. From my own experience, hitting only made things worse, and screwed me up royally. She's getting better at school. She was tested and we found that she needs tutoring in certain areas. Since the tutoring started, it's all A's and A+. :1st: But the attitude sucks.

The only bright spot in my life right now is my new puppy.:dog: Some puppy; he's a Great Dane, 9 months old and weighs in at 110 pounds right now. When full grown, he'll be about 165 pounds. The Blue Phantom or Sir Phantom Blue (either one works for us) is affectionate, loves cats, other dogs and children. He's a Mommy's boy and a true velcro dog.

I'm confused and scared right now. Between the pain and fuzziness from the meds, half the time I don't know what is going on around me. I'm basically a fucking mess.:shipwreck Don't feel sorry for me though, that's not why I'm writing. This is more of a vent than anything else.

SF Friend

You vent anytime you have need. Don't let that shit build up inside you. We're here for you. If you don't get replies right away it could just be that few are online at that time. don't despair. I love you.:smile:

I'm sorry to hear about Charles. I know just how you feel.:sad: I mourn forever when any of my critters goes to God's Meadow to wait for me. It'll be nice to get there and see them all - and there'll be many!