So I spend a lot of time on wiki. More time than I should during work hours but that’s neither here nor there. What I have noticed when I go straight to the personal life section, and I always look at who they are married to is that there is a trend. A trend I’ve picked up recently is that a lot of wiki-ites were introduced through friends. They met through a mutual friend.

I thought about how this related to my own life and realised….most of the men I meet are strangers but rarely through friends. Why? Because women and men in their 30s are fundamentally selfish. We are too used to our own lives, with our own group and the majority of us do not want that to change…for the group.

If you have single female friends she doesn’t introduce you to a guy just in case that means you will no longer be available to go to impromptu after work cocktails. My precious no matter what man I am with I will ALWAYS be available. Just write ‘meet at the gym?’ in the text to throw him off the scent.

If you have single male friends then he enjoys being your cock blocker cos it means he doesn’t have to share you. You’re there at his beck and call when he needs an alternative girlfriend.

I met a guy through a single friend. The problem is that if a single friend is hooking you up….something is wrong with him. This one looked good on paper but had a tiny dick and came like a bullet. To be fair to my friend she couldn’t have known. Let’s all take a moment to pray for bullet dick.

So this met through friends thing can ONLY work with your married friends who try to pretend that marriage is great but really they just want to peer pressure you into surburbia. These are the ones my precious. Go find yourself some married friends to hook you up. Your single friends aren’t going to do it. Once they turn 30 there’s a no compete clause with single friends.

Now where is my school year book. I know some of those chicks are married with divorced male friends. Let’s do this!

I’ve noticed that a lot of people (by this I mean men) don’t seem to know how to break up with someone. Instead they go all quiet, disappear and hope the other person doesn’t notice. How old are we 8? This has got to stop! A guy tried this on me recently. He disappeared, made me break up with him, fucked someone else and then tried to come back? Erm, no! So here is the best and easiest way to break up. Have the courage of your convictions!

Give me a reason

It’s not you it’s me doesn’t work anymore. Try to be honest. I know a lot of people find this difficult but just say “I can’t see us ever getting married” or “I find your obsession with golf worthy of a mental health referral” or “I need more than sex once a month” and make sure you can articulate it without argument

Are you sure, sure?

Make sure this is what you want. This need to end it may be a passing emotion or a relationship stuck in a rut. Take your time before ending it as making up again is harder. Give yourself a few weeks and make a decision that isn’t based on a recent fight or incident. I tend to know before I date them that it’s not going anywhere so the sell by date was always there.

Band Aid

If you’re going to end it do it quickly and as clearly as possible. Don’t say you think you want to breakup. Say you’re breaking up with them for these reasons which can’t be fixed. Fast breakups tend to be less messy. Oh and then stop taking their calls. None of this closure nonsense.

Leave a gap

A lot of you want to break up then still be friends. You may be able to be friends again eventually but initially you have to give the other person space to recognise that you are no longer together. So stop texting, calling them or hanging out for a while and then maybe be friends later. And please stop fucking them. Despite the fact you may both say it’s just sex you both know there is a chance that it will get messy. Get new sex. Isn’t that what everyone wants anyway?

Be consistent

Some of you breakup but then don’t want to see your ex with someone else. Or you break it off and then still rely on them for help or advice. Your message has to be consistent. The relationship is over. You can’t oscillate between being a partner and being a friend and not expect them to think you’re giving mixed messages. You have to stand by your position. I need to stop inviting mine to fix things at my house. I know my precious. It’s time to get a handyman I pay for ….with cash.

Move on

If your ex wants to get into conversations afterwards or a post mortem then try to ensure it doesn’t escalate into an argument. You have to be the bigger person and avoid any arguments on past issues. Being right may have to be sacrificed for self-preservation.

Good luck! Chances are they won’t disappear without a fight especially if they didn’t see it coming. But what do you care? You’re free!

Like this:

That is the on going first date question. Is it fair that we women still expect that a man picks up the first date tab? And what in same sex relationships how do you decide who is to pay? Until the salaries in the UK are equal then I don’t expect that my view on his paying will change. I’m assuming this is why there is a disparity?

Dating rules are contradictory and many don’t follow them anyway but this one seems to be close to people’s hearts as I saw on a Facebook post recently. So there are a number of ways you can decide on this:

Go Dutch

Agree to pay half in advance. Both of you can relax and not worry about what the other is ordering. This doesn’t mean pouring over the items on the bill and paying for what you had. Just split it down the middle. Yes one of you may have drunk a wee bit more than the other (it wasn’t happy hour prices) or someone may not have had a dessert (pretending you eat like a bird?) but let it go already.

Going Dutch is also great for a guy you never ever want to see again.

The Reach game

He reaches for the bill, you reach for your purse, he insists you graciously accept and say you’ll get it next time. You’ve already decided that you will never see his dumb ass again but it’s the gesture that counts. I had one who never reached for his wallet. We just sat there looking at the bill. The waiter came around 3 times before I just put my card on the bill. He smiled and that was the last time I saw him. Dinner and the venue were his suggestion and the bill was less than £40!

The choice is yours

So maybe don’t tell him that Oxo or Asia de Cuba are your favourite spots. I suggested Asia de Cuba to a guy I met on Facebook. He was coming in from out of town and you share the dishes so to me, it’s really not expensive. He freaked out and that was the end of him. Let’s ignore the fact that he had some recent addiction and self-esteem issues. I’m guessing £20 for a main course was just too much when you can get a meal for two at Nandos for that.

So choose somewhere that is affordable for one person to pay for two and he won’t resent it if you sent him photos pre baby 5 years ago. Yes my precious some women online lie too. I know some men want to impress but dudes keep within your budget and if in doubt you choose the wine.

You ask you pay

If you invite him on a date then you should really pay and vice versa.

So that’s it. Paying on the first date. Don’t make it a thing. But know that if he’s happy for you to pay for the whole date, well you need to grab your purse and run! This man isn’t for you.