April 25, 2007

NDP-Liberal Strategery Meeting

Dee-Yonn: Well Jack, I believe it is responsible to tell people that in two years, we will throw our hands (and the lives of Afghan women) up in the air and see who catches it.

Joke: Stephane! The NDP-Taliban secret backroom Deal-A-Tron 2000 needs Canadian troops to leave now. There is no point delaying the inevitable.

Dee-Yonn: You see Joke, too many Liberal MPs used scruples to extend the mission last time. Something about doing the right thing for Afghan society. We have a former general in our caucus too. The only difference is we don’t listen to ours.

Joke: Well, that sounds ridiculous. And nobody outdoes me! Jack! Layton! I need to do something more ridiculous than you. Have any suggestions?

Dee-Yonn: I am becoming an expert in doing ridiculous things lately. Why don’t you vote with the Tories to not call for a 2009 withdrawal? Then you can say you are against the Liberals and against the Tories at the same time.

Joke: Wouldn’t that be playing both sides?

Dee-Yonn: Well that is what we are doing too. Our resolution doesn’t call for the soldiers to come home. We can still put them in Afghanistan. It just means we do not want our soldiers to get shot. Nobody likes to get shot. The Liberal position is that we don’t like our army doing dangerous things, especially when it involves getting shot. Pollsters agree as well. Apparently, even pollsters don’t like to get shot. Our position is so vague because in opposition you don’t actually have to make any decisions, you just criticize the government. You know Joke, I think I am really getting the hang of this opposition thing.

Joke: Yeah after 40 years of the NDP doing nothing, you really realize how fun it is. In fact, when we actually got something done, it got so scary, because we are so used to being useless.

Dee-Yonn: What did you do?

Joke: We dumped the government before they could invest the money we made them promise, elected the Conservatives, and made sure they didn’t do anything about our priorities so we can continue bitching that the Liberals never did anything for Canada.

Dee-Yonn: Wait a minute Joke, are you still attacking me? And the Liberals?

Joke: Of course we are! We vote with Conservatives just to make you look stupid. You suggested it two minutes ago!

Dee-Yonn: This is unfair. Do you think it’s easy to find priorities for the NDP? You will now face the wrath of all my Facebook friends!

the label is all wrong. By definition, Liberals are much less sexy than Conservatives because Liberals... well, I'll stop to be nice. And I was voted "sexiest man" at last year's convention for the Global Alliance of International Right-Wing conspiracies in Vegas. Can you top that?