Married 43 year-old Navy nuclear submarine commander Michael Ward was having a little affair with a younger woman that he met online. These situations are a bit tricky to navigate, as you can imagine. How did Michael Ward extricate himself from it, when he was ready to end the affair? The old fashioned way: he "sent his mistress an email from a fictitious person named Bob in July, posing as a co-worker and saying that Ward had died unexpectedly."

The woman learned that Ward was still alive when she turned up at Ward's former residence in Burke, Va., to offer condolences. The new owner told her that Ward had moved to Connecticut to take command of a submarine.

"She was very surprised," Jon Boyle, the new owner, said in a telephone interview.

Always remember to erase the new owner's mind with a top secret "Men In Black"-style mind erasing device before leaving town. Amateur hour, in the Navy these days.