Fisting Kylie, Cheggers and canapés

Every time something has happened I have thought Ooh that has to go in’ but haven’t really had the chance to add stuff.So I’m going to crack on with what happened last week.

Last Tuesday I was (at the last minute) invited to the wedding of the year. Two pals of mine, David and Allan won a competition to have a £60K wedding at Madame Tausauds,Very disorientating walking into the first hall and getting confused who was real and who was made of wax. Touching ceremony, the signing of the register was quite apt. Two poofs getting hitched and signing their lives away next to Kylie Minogues bottom. Couldn’t resist have a picture of me fisting Kylie. I am smutty. What did you expect?

Next into the Hollywood type hall for cocktails and canapés then the main hall for the sit down dinner bit, very fancy food but not enough of it. Met lots of new people who tried my very large hat on (I believe it should be mandatory to wear hats at weddings) and devoured the chocolate fountain.Speeches went on longer than necessary (weddings eh?) and then the grooms took to the floor for their first dance which was quite awful - David Bedingfield- If you’re not the one. I nearly brought up my guinea foul.

Free bar meant several vodkas, a drag queen turned up and did a turn and I drank more. We were kicked out around midnight and ended up in The Shadow Lounge in Soho (cliquey crowd), more drag, more lip synch.All in all, had a quite fabulous eve and had the hangover to prove it.

(Photos from the wedding as well as my recent show at Bastard and an old folder of stuff from the F.A.B. Royal Tea Party thing I DJed at in Vienna back in November are at http://snipurl.com/mroo

Thursday was to the opening of a photogrpahy exhibition for Olympus which featured my very good and talented buddy Paul Plews’ work and without being completely biased, it was the best stuff their despite their being pretty big names appearing (http://snipurl.com/mrld scroll down. One of Pauls' is on the left.)

I went as half Holestar half MiSTARess. Because I’m an attention seeking whore.

Was dragged into the corner by two chaps who turned out to be former racing car drivers and photographer Barry Lategan took my photo.Struted around slagging a lot of the work off (not very inspiring), ate canapés being served from suitcases and drank peach champagne.

Amanda De Cadenet turned up (looks quite nice in the flesh. Her father Alain was one of the aforementioned drivers) with her rocker boyfriend and another rocker type. Was only after that I realised it was Nick Valensi and Fabrizio Moretti from The Strokes. Doh or something.

Few other naff celebs turned up but the big one for the week was yet to come....

Friends of mine Paleday were to be the house band (going under the synonym ‘Rise and Shine’) for a pilot for a new show called ‘Lotto Bingo’, a show that pretty much does exactly what it says on the tin.

I was happy for them but became rather over excited (much like a three year old on too much jelly and ice cream who is about to piss itself on the appearance of a Teletubby at their front door) when I heard the presenter was to be Mr Keith “Cheggers” Chegwin (that is exactly how he was introduced) and secured myself a place in the audience.

Friday I toddled down to Wembley to see the man in action. What a ledged he is (this is the man who got his peanut out to the nation. Cheesy childhood hero into cult status in my book) and seemed to have a genuine enthusiasm for the show.

I managed to get invited the wrap party (and eat even more fancy canapés with Kate Robbins (who was rather glam) and meet the man himself. He smokes like a chimney and doesn’t seem to turn off the sunshine - just wanted to hug him.

Asked him if he would sign my wristband thing (which was numbered #1). He said “You’re mad you are” and I replied “Yes but you are a ledged sir”.

Indeed he is.

The show itself was…well OK but can’t see myself staying in to play/watch it if it gets commissioned but would be nice to see Cheggers back on the TV bless him. (If they can let Edmonds back on….)

Abused the free bar facility once again and ended back eating chip butties at Toine and Steves place in West Hampstead.

Was due to go to Fabric and The End over the weekend which didn’t happen due to severe lack of funds.Life in London has been quite tricky so far. Still technically homeless.

Stayed with Mattcatt for a bit (many thanks dear) and now in another temporary abode near Regents Park (very nice.) Getting work, well I’ve had calls a plenty from prospective clients who have turned out to be time wasting idiots/

Had one chap who wanted me to force him to eat worms and maggots (he askedwhether I’d like them dead or alive, I almost broke into song…) another wanting to consume what I excrete from my body in the morning (Not my bag). One chap wanted to force himself to be sick and for me to scold him for it and quite a few for the usual strap-on and/or feminisation treatment.

There were many more and suffice to say, all of these turned out to be time wasting twats so I’m looking into some escort work. Might be a bit tricky as I don’t do any sexual activities with clients and I don’t fit into a size 10 dress (or a 14 for that matter) but I’m sure there must be some rich business types who would like to take me to dinner and have their arse kicked afterwards. Aren't there?

I have been a Pro Domme for about six years now and it goes with the territory that you have endless calls from people wasting your time who enjoy the fantasy but unable to face the reality of being abused by a Dominant woman. I understand that for many men, coming to terms with their fears and desires is difficult (egos to contend with) but I wish the twatocks wouldn’t bother me.I actually have respect for those who make the call and actually turn up regardless of the humiliating situation I may put them through.

I've a show (no money, private Birthday thing) on Saturday which I hope opens a few doors but as in all business, its never what you know, it's whose dick you have in your mouth.