Midlife Crises Happen for a Reason
I think it is important to recognize that all midlife crises happen for a reason. Hell – everything in life happens for a reason … and midlife crises are certainly no exception. Since these crises have been around for generations, I believe they are all part of human nature … all part of what it means to be human, to be a man. [In fairness, women have midlife crises, too – you just don’t hear it referred to as such.] What is different or unique concerning each man is how the midlife crisis manifests itself. Some guys will go the route of an extramarital affair. Others will buy the new sports car. Yet others will do both – and yet more will do something entirely different. But in every case, the midlife crisis behavior is characterized by the person doing something well outside their norm.

Wake up and smell the coffee. Many midlife crises I’ve observed are rooted in a belief that the person is missing out on something significant in their life currently. They feel the need to change – to do something differently … and they are usually in a hurry to do it, whatever “it” is for them. It is like they suddenly woke up, and smelled the coffee! In other words, life is passing you by … so you’ve got to do something about it right now! One of my female neighbors named “Patti” is in her mid-fifties. Several years ago, she suddenly decided that she liked Harley Davidson motorcycles, and wanted to find herself a biker boyfriend. Off she went to the local Harley dealer to purchase a bike – even though she had never ridden a motorcycle before. She had to have someone else drive the bike back to her home. She did have commitment – she tried taking motorcycle driving classes. She would practice riding the bike around the block. The problem was that she never got entirely comfortable on the bike – plus the bike was really a bit too large for her … and she wound up falling over several times while stopped, or while trying to get out of her driveway. You know what’s coming next, right? No – she didn’t crash the bike … she sold it, and took a severe financial beating in the process. Patti’s particular midlife crisis ended poorly – she wound up learning that sometimes such desires for change need to be grounded in at least some level of reality.

My friends Brian and Mike are also part of the “wake up and smell the coffee” crowd. They suddenly decided it was time for a family, and proceeded to take the drastic and necessary steps in order to make that happen. Who knows what compels such behavior? I guess in their cases it could be the so-called “biological clock” that started ticking louder and louder within their heads. Neither of these friends of mine has fully realized their familial goals just yet – not as of this writing … so we’ll see how it works out over time for them. Hopefully they will get their wishes – as there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a family!

Here is the ULTIMATE example of waking up and smelling the coffee. The man I am about to tell you about is truly a role model for all midlife bachelors … even though at age 70, he is more of a late-life bachelor. My neighbor, Gil, is a guy who was married to the same woman for something like thirty-five or forty years. He had children with her – his daughter I met several times looked to be in her mid-forties. He has grandchildren who I’ve also met. Gil came to be my neighbor because his wife was cheating on him with his best friend – I remember him telling me that story right after he moved in around the corner from me. He was angry, hurt, surprised, and disgusted about what had happened. Now you would think that a guy that age would just surrender, and pass the time watching television or something, right? No sir – Gil spent his time and money in strip clubs. Now I don’t necessarily advocate hanging out in strip clubs – but whatever Gil was doing in those clubs paid off. After he lived here roughly six months, I noticed this extremely hot young Latina coming and going from Gil’s place several times. I ran into Gil at the community mailbox one day, and asked him if that was his granddaughter or niece … and to my complete shock and surprise, he told me that was his girlfriend. At first, I didn’t believe him – but then I started to keep my eyes open a bit more … and I noticed that her car was there almost every night. I ran into Gil again – this time he started telling me that this young hottie was having all kinds of sex with him, and that she even allowed him to take nude photographs of her. I remember asking him – how do you do it? How did you get this started? He didn’t give me too many specifics – maybe because he didn’t want anyone else replicating his success … all he said was that he “kisses her ass all the time.” Plus you can bet your life that he is also paying for a lot of stuff for her – feeding her $100 bills at the strip club initially probably got her interested at the very beginning, I’m guessing. Word of Gil’s late-life bachelor success spread like wildfire amongst the various midlife bachelors in my neighborhood. Chuck (the guy I wrote about whose wife cheated on him, and who subsequently had the girlfriend who buttered his bread) lives two doors down from Gil – and Chuck was telling me that a week or two ago, Gil had his young hottie stripper girlfriend over AND another extremely hot white girl. Apparently all three of them were having sex, and the girls allowed Gil to take a series of photos of the three of them with his cell phone. Gil showed the cell phone photos to Chuck – who was astounded. Any thoughts that Gil had been making up or embellishing these stories disappeared when Chuck saw those photos.

Marital disaster brought my neighbor Gil into late-life bachelorhood. Instead of sulking, Gil went out and did the things he had always wanted to do … he hung out at strip clubs, and then (by some miracle of fate) wound up dating a hot young Latina stripper. Gil certainly “woke up and smelled the coffee”. Hell – at this minute, Gil is probably smelling that Latina’s hot coffee. You never really know what is coming next – and sometimes the world will surprise you. Keep your eyes and ears open, and be ready to try new things as a midlife bachelor. Every time I see Gil, I tell him somewhere in the conversation – “I salute you, Sir – you are a role model for all of us.”