December 19, 2002

My cousin Jack wrote me after having read Musical Altercations (see December 17, 2002), a piece envisioning how the stories told in the lyrics of songs involving fights would look if reported in the press. He remembered a song I had not considered. Even though the song does not actually involve a fight, it does play on the theme of a stranger making a pass at a jealous fellow’s wife/girlfriend (e.g. “”Bad Bad LeRoy Brown” and “Copacabana“). Here, however, the protagonist wisely escapes before being stabbed, slashed, shot or beaten..

Jack writes:

TIJUANA, Mexico — Restaurateur Bad Man Jose reported to local police that a patron of his cafe near the U.S. border ran away through the window today without paying a sizeable food and bar bill. The unidentified patron bolted suddenly following a brief altercation involving Jose’s wife, who also works at the establishment.

Mrs. Jose alleged that she was being sexually assaulted by the patron before Jose arrived at the cafe and stopped him. “I’m so glad he got here,” she told reporters. “He is so big and so strong. He saved me from that bad man.”

“We tell that gringo no mess with her, but he no listen,” explained Pedro, a member of the mariachi band at the popular spot. “Finally he vamoose when Jose get here.”

Police said that although the mouth-watering food at Jose’s is a major tourist attraction, there have been increasing reports of trouble caused by overly aggressive male customers.