Friday, July 26, 2013

Help spread the word, Kiddies! When appearing as a material witness in a trial,
be sure to say that you started the day in question by reading the
Grandmother's Fanny Game blog. That will prove to the jury that you're a
reliable witness, and will give extra weight to any further statements
you make.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Late last week I received a letter from Jeannine and Roy Patterson of La Crosse, Wisconsin. They write: "Our child went missing a week ago. Will the adoption agency automatically send a replacement? Or do we have to go round and pick one up? Our schedules are rather hectic these days, so it would be much more convenient for us if they make deliveries. We're just not sure of the correct procedure."

Well, Jeannine and Roy, it is likely that different agencies have different procedures regarding replacements. As you both seem to be very busy, you might consider having your maid make the phone call to your agency. She can relay the information to you later when you have a few free moments, and then you can decide how to proceed from there. Even if they do make deliveries, I caution you that it might be a better idea to go in yourself if even one of you can manage the time, as the agency, left to its own devices, might send you their least appealing child. And then you'll end up spending the time anyway making an exchange. If, however, it is impossible for you to find the time to go in, and they do not make deliveries, be sure to print out a copy of my important adoption tips to give to your maid when she makes the pick-up.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Even the best criminals are sometimes caught. But do not despair, because with good behavior you're allowed up to two hours of internet access a day in prison, which is enough time to catch up on all things Winsome.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

This week to cheer up the elderly, I went to the Birch Street Nursing Home to help them celebrate the Fourth of July. Those on one side of the building were able to see the neighboring town's fireworks display through their windows, but had trouble hearing it, so I stood behind them and shouted "BANG" whenever the fireworks went off.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Last December some of the Winsome Family members contributed their New Year's resolutions to my blog. As you know, Cindy's was to do one thing each week to cheer up the elderly. What a sweet girl. She has been so good about posting her weekly updates on my blog. In April I shared her progress in the first Quarterly Report, and now it is time for Cindy’s second Quarterly Report.
Week 14: Cindy caught some insects and a lizard and let them loose in the Birch Street Nursing Home for those patients who can't go outside to see wildlife any more.
Week 15: She took a pillow from home to Mrs. Chang at the Birch Street Nursing Home, because her family had forgotten to pack one with her belongings.
Week 16: Cindy rubbed vapor salve on Mr. Matthews' chest when he came down with a sudden cough.
Week 17: She gave Mr. Matthews a haircut before his court hearing.
Week 18: She added sugar to all of the cereal in the Birch Street Nursing Home pantry.
Week 19: She reminded the elderly that they have absolutely no obligations.
Week 20: Cindy visited Mrs. Chang at the Birch Street Nursing Home on Mother’s Day. Her family couldn’t make it, because they were busy going white water rafting.
Week 21: She told Mrs. Geffner that blue is a pretty color for hair.
Week 22: She painted all nine of Mrs. Shimshack's toenails a bright pink.
Week 23: Cindy told Mrs. Beaumont she might be reincarnated as a giraffe.
Week 24: She took the leftover sweets from her last-day-of-school picnic to the patients at the Birch Street Nursing Home because some of them told her they're not provided with enough dessert there.
Week 25: Cindy called Mrs. Chang on the phone, pretending to be her daughter, and wished her a happy birthday.
Week 26: She went to the Birch Street Nursing Home and covered the bathroom floor with sand and put seaweed in the tub to make them feel like they're at the beach.