Still going strong: a cross-cultural marriage one year on

Randy Wright

On their first wedding anniversary, one couple celebrate the differences in their cultures and claim the honeymoon is still ongoing.

“You guys are crazy!”

That was the first reaction of Wang Shijun’s 21-year-old son when he learned of our marriage a year ago. “It will never work out,” he said, fuming. “The differences are too great. It’s cross-cultural. There’s no way this will last.”

Addressing me directly, he pulled no punches. “You’re not like us,” he said. “Why do you want to marry someone of another race?”

My thick skin, acquired over 35 years as a journalist, came in handy. I replied calmly: “I thought we were all members of the human race.”

Race has never mattered to me. I was raised to be colour-blind. My parents taught me to look for a person’s character, not physical attributes. And variety keeps the world interesting.

This is why my wife and I are still great friends a year after our wedding. We focus on the positive

Of course, it is the inner person that really matters – the person with good intentions, the one who is gentle and generous.

When you look for common ground, you always find it, because with human beings there are far more similarities than differences, regardless of birthplace, lineage or cultural brand.

This is why my wife and I are still great friends a year after our wedding. We focus on the positive.

But culture... ahh, culture – bridging this gap can be puzzling. What makes sense to my wife sometimes makes none to me, and vice versa. Yet, there are no deal-breakers.

Our cultural differences are more like a carnival ride, only nobody throws up. It is a never-ending series of delightfully amusing moments.

That is because, first of all, we consciously decided to be happy going in. Our honeymoon never ended. We dance after dinner and hold hands in public.

We assume positive intent in each other. We give each other space. All of this seems like pretty good advice for any couple.

Dealing with our differences is great sport and something I would not trade

Surprisingly, language is only a minor barrier – though her English is imperfect and my Chinese is virtually nonexistent. Our underlying respect for one another always wins out.

She can easily outrun my ear in Chinese, and I can make her head spin with a stream of English idioms, though she never shows it. She is the master of mellow.

“Do you understand [insert word here]?” I ask frequently. When she answers in the negative, I walk her through the idea, usually more than once. It is our new normal.

For us, the language barrier, far from being a danger zone, is more like a ridiculous party game, our own carnival fun house. We look at ourselves in the wavy mirror of cultural assumptions and laugh. We even survived that most dangerous of minefields, an apartment purchase and the mandatory redecorating project.

Other so-called cultural barriers seem unimportant. She is an adventurous eater; I’m more conservative. She likes to eat weird Chinese dishes at restaurants; I love the fresh, not-so-weird Chinese food she prepares at home.

She is willing to try anything: I introduced her to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and to Mexican guacamole. Now she cannot get enough.

In short, dealing with our differences is great sport, and something I would not trade – not even for a glass of ice-cold Coca-Cola and certainly not for a cup of Chinese hot water.

Our wedding vows, spoken before 200 colleagues and friends at China Daily on 24 July 2014, codified our commitment to stand beside one another, to make each other’s lives pleasant and joyful, to cultivate generosity and humour in our family.

Any marriage can succeed, in my opinion, regardless of race or culture.

This article was originally produced and published by China Daily. View the original article at chinadaily.com.cn