Job Centre commends escaped robber for finding work so quickly

Bosses at the Job Centre have expressed how pleased they are today following the news that escaped convict Michael “Scull Cracker” Wheatley was able to find work just days after leaving prison.

A spokesman for the Department of Work & Pensions said; ‘It’s tough for ex-offenders to find work after release and often they end up joining the long-term unemployed. They go from being a burden to the taxpayer to being another burden claiming benefits. ‘Skull Cracker’ Wheatley proved it can be done by finding a job within two days of absconding from prison’.

He added: ‘It’s refreshing to see someone with such entrepreneurial spirit get straight back into his chosen profession. He saw a gap in the market and rushed in to fill it. I mean, when was the last time you heard of someone physically robbing a bank with a gun, it’s so old school. It’s just the sort of old fashioned service bank customers have been missing.’