I did flirt with her, and I remember trying to kiss Jessica as part of what I thought was a consensual seduction ritual that went on and on for many years. I am horrified and bewildered to discover that it wasn’t consensual. I didn’t get it. It makes me reassess every relationship I have ever thought was playful and mutual.

Dreyfuss isn’t the first to express confusion on the issue of consent, and research shows that men are likely to misinterpret women’s friendliness as romantic or sexual interest. Despite this, organizations offer employees no guidance on how to obtain consent and how to pursue relationships at work.

Teaching employees how to initiate workplace romance

It may seem counterintuitive to teach employees how to pursue workplace romance when you’re trying to reduce harassment. Ideally, organizations don’t want their employees dating one another or even thinking about each other as potential romantic or sexual partners. Unfortunately, that’s not a realistic goal. More than half of all employees have participated in a workplace romance at some point in their careers, and it’s unlikely that we can put a stop to budding workplace romance. That said, I don’t know of any organizations that offer suggestions on how to professionally pursue sexual or romantic relationships with coworkers.

Signaling romantic or sexual interest in a professional manner

Andy Dick was recently accused of kissing and licking cheeks, as well as making sexual proposals to at least four people on the production of one of his films. Dick doesn’t deny the proposals, instead he told the Hollywood Reporter, “I’m single, depressed, lonely and trying to get a date. They can just say no, and they probably did and then I was done.”

In a professional environment, leaning in for the kiss or the grope can’t be the go-to move. Instead, we need a universally accepted signal of sexual or romantic interest. Employees must learn how to signal their interest and gain acceptance before asking for dates or sex or kisses or anything romantic or sexual in nature. In lieu of the awkward grope, the uncomfortable kiss, or the unwanted touch, employees should have a professionally accepted way to garner pre-approval. In other words, organizations should teach their employees how to obtain consent.

Obtaining consent: Give employees a script

So, how should employees signal consent? It need only be some type of script that we all recognize and one which can be responded to affirmatively or negatively. Such scripts are used relatively frequently in other domains. For example, foot-tapping in a public men's bathroom is apparently used to signal a desire for anonymous, gay sex. Those who are in a bathroom stall and want to signal their interest, first tap their feet. If the person in the next stall also taps their foot, it is a signal that the interest is reciprocated. Next, one of the interested parties will stick their hand underneath the stall or pass a note on a paper. After both parties consent, they move on to sexual contact in the space beneath the partition between stalls. Why did this foot-tapping evolve as a signal of interest? Because the alternatives, such as exposing your arousal in a public bathroom, land you in trouble if others in the bathroom aren't keen on having a restroom sexual encounter with you. You need to obtain consent first, and the foot-tapping script allows for this.

An analogous situation occurs in the workplace. As Andy Dick found, leaning in for the kiss or making sexual proposals can get you in trouble if the target is not receptive. A recognized signal of interest that it is either confirmed or rejected by the prospective partner could help avoid any unwanted physical come-ons. It would also eliminate any confusion that consent is offered when it is not, as in Richard Dreyfuss’s situation.

So, what would be an appropriate method of signaling interest and obtaining consent? First, the method would have to be officially sanctioned by organizations and presented to employees, to ensure it would be universally recognized. It need not be as subtle as foot-tapping, and probably should not be subtle at all (organizations don’t want employees accidentally providing consent). A simple script, "Are you interested in a non-professional romance?," that requires a simple yes or no answer would suffice. I realize that line sounds insanely corny, so something more light-hearted and humorous could be implemented, as long as everyone was familiar with the phrase or word. "Kangaroo?" "No, thanks."

Learning from 'Yes means yes'.

This type of affirmative consent is mandated on college campuses in several states, and many other universities have voluntarily adopted the plan. The 'yes means yes' idea simply states that silence or indifference are not sufficient for consent on campus. Only a freely given 'yes' counts. The New York Times reported on students in a sex ed class who were brainstorming on how to ask for affirmative consent without sounding to corny or clinical. "You good?" was the all-around favorite script. In the workplace, employees need to do some similar brainstorming and come up with a script, so that all employees can have an effective line for obtaining affirmative consent.

I am a lecturer at UCLA where I teach courses on psychology and gender. I have been published in The New York Times and Los Angeles Times, have discussed gender issues on Fox News, NPR and BBC. My book, Sex and the Office: Women, Men and the Sex Partition that’s Dividing the...