Welcome to the chronicles of a bi-racial Canadian. This blog is dedicated to the celebration of my being thin and Brown. My family is White but I turned out Taupe. I’m not sure how this happened but what I am sure of is that the stories that have come out of this predicament have a tendency to provoke tremendous laughter. I invite you to join me in laughing at myself and all the many things in this world that are ridiculous (Mariah Carey, I’m talking to you). Sit back and enjoy; Brown and Thin!

Monday, November 15, 2010

My Black Vagina

If I had a vagina its name would be Susan. Susan is easy to remember and rolls off the tongue easily; just like my vagina. My vagina wouldn't have a last name just like Cher or Madonna. My vagina would definitely be Black. And not like Halle Berry Black; I mean Nelson Mandela Black! My vagina would be so Black it wouldn't be allowed to open a checking account. My vagina would be so Black that it wouldn't leave tips at restaurants. My vagina would have no hair on the sides; only hair on the top. The hair would sit just north of my vagina in a circle shape. My vagina hair would look like your Dad's face when he hasn't shaved for 5 days; or Santa Claus. The afro on my vagina would be so big I could keep all of my secrets in it; and maybe a few dollar bills too. My vagina would speak English, German, Pig Latin, Japanese, and Hebrew. It would also know sign language. My vagina would have an amazing singing voice; probably a soprano. My vagina would be left-handed. My vagina would be soft and shiny; also amazingly musical! My vagina would have charisma and it would smell like a mountain breeze. My vagina would be more amazing than any other vagina you have seen. My vagina could make a sex tape with itself. If you had my vagina you could stand over a mirror with legs apart and you would look down at the reflection and say to yourself, "Wow! Now that's potential!"