In 2009 I had the pleasure of going to Miami to watch the Sooners play the Gators for the BCS National Championship. I got to enjoy the scenery and culture that Miami has to offer in the few days I was there. My overall assessment of Miami is that it is dirty. The airport sucks, the people have a stupid air of superiority, and everything is expensive.

So for today’s post, and in honor of the NBA Finals, I would like to point out 10 painfully obvious differences between Miami and OKC.

As a moonlighting blogger, organized lists are pretty much my favorite bliterary device. My affinity towards order and rank doesn’t stop at cheeky Tumblr posts though–VH1 could be counting down “40 Most Unoriginal Dubstep Songs” or “500 Suggestive Double Entendres Used on Three’s Company” and I’d watch every single minute of the entire five hour program, even if the only commentators they could recruit are washed up American Idol and Flavor of Love contestants.

As you can guess, nothing delights me more than when my dear old Tulsey Town appears on some sort of national ranking, no matter how random or seemingly inaccurate that list might be. Last week, Yahoo used some sort of scientific method to determine that Tulsa kids are the fifth most spoiled in the country, outranking cities like Dallas, Atlanta, and Los Angeles, home of Suri Cruise and Carlton Banks.

When I read this article, I immediately thought it had to be a bunch of crap. I mean, we all know that the cost of living is significantly less here than it is in other parts of the country. I mean, were all economic factors properly accounted for? How are we possibly spending more on our children here than they are in Washington DC or Boston?

This investigation, I deemed, would require some field experience with today’s youth. The problem is, I don’t have very many nine year old friends, and for some reason the parents of the ones I met at Chuck E. Cheese had a problem with me recording their children talk about their home life. So, that plan was scrapped, and now the conclusions drawn in this analysis all come from a retrospective case study of the subject I know best–me of course.

A few weeks ago, we offered cash bounties for photographs of Charles Barkley having fun in Oklahoma City. We got a decent response, but the thing was kind of ruined by Chuck’s visibility and availability during his stay. It seems like you couldn’t check Facebook without seeing photo after photo of Barkley jogging downtown, drinking at the Red Piano or chasing a prostitute from his hotel room. Hell, he was even followed around with a local media entourage that included Jenni Carlson. It’s hard to be cool when Jenni Carlson follows you around.

Anyway, because our Charles Barkley bounty hunt was kind of anti-climatic, we’ve decided to have another competition. This time we are seeking photographs of local and national celebrities, NBA players and members of the sports media who are in town to report and enjoy the NBA Finals. We’ll pay $1 for any photo we publish on the site. We are also offering additional cash for any who snaps a pic of one of the following:

$11.78: Lil Wayne trying to buy some scalped tickets

I think it’s pretty cool that The Thunder told Lil Wayne to go f*ck himself when he demanded courtside seats and VIP treatment to Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals. Lets hope they do the same thing to Toby Keith, Garth Brooks or any other white hillbilly country western bandwagoner who wants to got to an NBA Finals Game at the Peake.

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$3.73: Greyson Chance yelling “Good Job, Good Effort” to the Heat players as they leave the Skirvin

Did you know Oklahoma City is considered the Fast Food Capital of America? Well, it is according to this article on CNN. Knowing that, you shouldn’t be surprised to learn that Oklahoma City is soon going to be home to one of only three two-story McDonald’s in the USA:

A two-story McDonald’s with an elevator and an indoor children’s play area is planned to replace the current restaurant at NW 23 and Pennsylvania Avenue. It will be the first double-decker McDonald’s in the state and one of only three being built in the U.S. this year (the others are in New York and Los Angeles), said Bruce Allendorfer, area construction manager for McDonald’s USA…

The two-story, 5,600-square-foot restaurant will have two drive-thru lanes, an elevator and stairs, indoor PlayPlace and a dumbwaiter to transport food to the second floor. Upstairs seating — a quieter area somewhat secluded from the children and family dining room — will be designed to attract executives and students from the nearby Oklahoma City University, Betty Santiago said. Orders can be placed on both the first and second floors.

Yes! Finally there’s a quiet, somewhat secluded dining option for that busy executive who likes sodium, McNuggets and $1 sweet teas. We truly are a big league city!

Anyway, this new McDonald’s kind of weirds me out a little bit, and not just for the typical reasons like stroke, diabetes and heart disease.

Hello everybody! Welcome to yet another edition of Monday Morning Tweets, our weekly roundup of tweets from local celebrities. Before we start that, I want to take a moment to address the story screencapped above. Here’s a link to the full story if you want to read it.

I almost can’t believe this story even exists. I had to rub my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things when Patrick sent it to me. It was literally less than six months ago that I wrote a post about how the Oklahoman writes this same exact Twitter story over and over. Who is the editor approving this stuff? It’s like freaking Groundhog Day, only way more boring. We get it: Twitter can be a headache for coaches because their dumbass players tweet dumbass things. Please stop writing about it. The issue is that the players are idiots, not that they use their phones to let the world know they are idiots. I’m not even interested in this kind of commentary about Twitter, and I write a freaking weekly column about Twitter!