Tuesday, November 13, 2012

1130. Contrived, but with a good heart. D+1131. As fascinating as I find the inability of both the media and the political campaigns to understand how math works, this is not the best way to take a jab at that. C1132. Hasn't Randy done a joke about p and .05 before? F1133. Kind of amusing, I guess? B-

I guess it depends on what source you use for your data because in something like this context is everything, but when I searched for 'most common thousand words' and picked off the top relevant result, the list I found had 'thousand' in it- and not near the end but around the middle.

Rob, my rhetorical friend, you have to let go. xkcd will always suck, but xkcdsucks is dead. Just accept it. The comments here have gotten as boring as the comics they mean to deride. Even the random ones, that provided such a good outlet for xkcdsuckers to show their creativity, aren't so clever anymore. Why are you still feeding the zombie horse? It is not the one you knew and loved; only, a rotten memory.

I'm really late to the party (actually there is no longer a party and everyone left, only the mess remains and rob is drunk and unconscious) but I wanted to say something after reading all xkcdsucks' posts up till comic 800, when Carl left.

It was a nice trip. I wish I was part of the community and all the discussions that happpened at that time. I've read some of the comments as well and read many interesting opinions about webcomics, art and writing in general. I am saddened by the fact that this no longer is the case: the blog is dead but walking (wow! if I was Randall I could TOTALLY MAKE THAT A COMIC) and the comments are just zombies. I don't think it's a shame though, it was only natural for a comic that waned from good to bad and to mediocre on a regular schedule. One can only endure so much before waning as well.

I'm sure neither Carl nor Rob (well, maybe he will but won't say anything) will read this but I just wanted to thank you for putting so much effort and giving me a more critical eye regarding comics and humor in general. And thanks to Aloria for making me laugh and always being drunk.

"1130. Contrived, but with a good heart. D+"Really, Rob? I've learned not to expect much from either you or your blog, but this is a new low. Since when did you give a flying fuck about Randall's intentions? Supposing Mr. Munroe is an artist, comic 1130 only stands as a testament to his incompetence.Randall doesn't know how to write a punchline. "Brevity is the soul of wit," and this comic would be funnier (or at least less painful) without the dialogue from offscreen. We KNOW the main character is a dweeb with no life, we DON'T NEED Randall to explain his "joke" with some contrived Voice of God.As for the alt-text: This would be funnier if anybody cared.Rob, you've gone soft as well as fat. D-

Trite and full of web-spun 'wisdom' that would not pass muster on the most banal of forums. This review-of-a-review is replete with the unnecessary exaggeration typical of comments on this blog, and the author's anger is as contrived as the comic itself.

The author would also do well to put a line of space between their paragraphs - it is impolite to present the reader with such an ugly mass of text.

1135 is so badly drawn that I can't tell if Beret Guy is pulling a spider-knitted sweater off that frame...thing... or if he's deliberately allowing cobwebs to cling on to a sweater for some logic-fucking bullshit reason because he's 'kooky' (near-invisible gossamer patterns, maybe? I don't know).

Frankly, after Endless Wings, either are plausible, though the first option seems to imply that Beret Guy is sane enough to formulate a plan that's grounded in reality (albeit a reality where Spider Psychology is an actual thing, and not a Randallian plot device), and has the patience to wait for a payoff, neither of which are exactly traits that he's been shown to possess.

Basically, Beret Guy has reached a point where nothing that he does can be interpreted to be the actions of a cohesive mind. He is Randall's first Postmodernist character, basically (and I hope that this observation triggers an aneurysm in some xkcd fan somewhere).

Okay, I'll say what we're all thinking. This blog has gone downhill and the single force powerful enough to revive it is pornographic stories centered around Randall. I want to see some when I get back.

Okay, I'll say what we're all thinking. Complaints about this blog have gone downhill and the single force powerful enough to revive them is pornographic stories centered around the whiners. I want to see some when I get back.

@Anon 8:01You're being silly at best, and I honestly want to believe that you're smarter than comments like that. Pornographic stories about "whiners" would lack a clearly defined protagonist. The literary value of that kind of erotic fiction would be of a quality barely above the works of Ayn Rand. You are simultaneously denying the work a meaningful plot (by refusing to incorporate a clearly defined lead character) and disallowing the leadership to impose themselves into the story by defining the lead with a single negative trait (whiny). How will anyone enjoy the comedy or the tragedy of the tale? How will they fap to it?

The answer is they won't. You would have us produce shit comments that mean nothing to anybody. I hope that you reflect on this and reconsider your toxic views before you drag Western civilization below it's current depths. Your attitude is the reason that the Dean Koontzs and the Lisa Gardners of the world pollute our culture with shit novels and I don't appreciate it.

You'd be wrong, unless you also think the word 'cube' would pretty damn well clearly define your house.

'Whiny' is an attribute that applies to a massive amount of people, and reveals essentially nothing about background or motivation. You might as well say that you can define a lead character by their hair color. It tells you very little overall about who that person is or what they are like. It would be fair to say that a minor character could be defined in that way, but that's because a minor character is allowed to make a minuscule contribution to the story and then disappear. Our protagonist needs to be in the thick of the plot, which means in almost all cases make it necessary for him to be more developed than that.

Unless of course, that single trait is what the story is really about. But in this case it's not. It can't just be about whining, the story needs to be pornographic in nature. Which (to my surprise) apparently requires more character depth than whatever fiction you're used to consuming.

I don't give a fuck who you are or where you live, you can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I'll put you in so much fucking pain that it'll make jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don't give a fuck how tough you are, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I'll fucking show up at your house when you aren't at home.I'll turn on all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You're going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you'll have a fucking heart attack. You'll go to the hospital for heart operation, and the last thing you'll see when you're being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed up like a doctor. When you wake up after the operation, you'll be scared for your fucking life, wondering what I did to you while you were being operated on, wonder what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You'll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of that hospital to go home, I'll run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I'd rather go to a great fucking length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living breathing fucking hell. It's too fucking late to save yourself, but don't bother committing suicide either... I'll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitchfaced faggot. Welcome to hell, population: you.

I'd like to take a dump on Israel, but I wonder: would that be an antisemite thing to do? I sure hope not! I couldn't live with that. I'd rather rape my children, eat my wife and kill myself than being called an antisemite! God, please, no. Not that.

Well that was quick. What If is already running repeats. Guns can stop trains. Guns can make a jet pack. Yeah, there's a difference between force of impact (the train one) and recoil (jetpack), but it's still basically the same idea.

It's not even just that. It's the bastard child repeat of Guns Have Force and Fuel Is Heavy.

Has he already found the limit to how many shitty foundations he can expand to make the world explode ad nauseam (specifically your nauseam)? Stay tuned next week, when Shitpile Discovery picks up his prime-time option.

No way, jose. I run through the entire internet to escape you and you will not catch me. You will not catch me. I will still be running long after you are dead and forgotten, and I will smile for I will have escaped.

People have been saying that about CAD for years, though, and Buckley has even less prospects than Randall. At least Randall has some science/computer background to fall back on, not to mention a legion of fans who would probably jump to work alongside him, regardless of his qualifications. B^Uckley has a reputation as a complete asshole, a horrible artist/writer, and a plagiarist, and his only education is the art school he dropped out of because they made him do, like, figure drawing and perspective and shit. Not to mention his fanbase has dwindled over time as his stories got more and more tedious.

I must say. the fact that you have nothing better to do with your life than rant about some web comic that no one's forcing you to read is very amusing. bravo. If you have so much to say about XKCD, why don't you try creating your own?

What the hell is this?

Welcome. This is a website called XKCD SUCKS which is about the webcomic xkcd and why we think it sucks. My name is Carl and I used to write about it all the time, then I stopped because I went insane, and now other people write about it all the time. I forget their names. The posts still seem to be coming regularly, but many of the structural elements - like all the stuff in this lefthand pane - are a bit outdated. What can I say? Insane, etc.

I started this site because it had been clear to me for a while that xkcd is no longer a great webcomic (though it once was). Alas, many of its fans are too caught up in the faux-nerd culture that xkcd is a part of, and can't bring themselves to admit that the comic, at this point, is terrible. While I still like a new comic on occasion, I feel that more and more of them need the Iron Finger of Mockery knowingly pointed at them. This used to be called "XKCD: Overrated", but then it fell from just being overrated to being just horrible. Thus, xkcd sucks.

Here is a comic about me that Ann made. It is my favorite thing in the world.

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Rob's Rants

When he's not flipping a shit over prescriptivist and descriptivist uses of language, xkcdsucks' very own Rob likes writing long blocks of text about specific subjects. Here are some of his excellent refutations of common responses to this site. Think of them as a sort of in-depth FAQ, for people inclined to disagree with this site.