Choosing Joy in the Midst of Tragedy

So, I Got a Job…

As I mentioned before, I recently accepted a part-time position at The Hotel Hershey – more specifically, at The Spa at The Hotel Hershey (where Brennan has worked for 13.5 years and counting). This all came about rather quickly, so I’m still getting used to the idea of working outside of the home, but I know that it will be good for many reasons.

This was my idea. Even on Easter, just hours after Tori went to Heaven, I asked Brennan what I was supposed to do now that she is gone. My “job” as a mom was suddenly null and void, and I was completely unsure of what I should be doing.

Two years ago I left my job (that I loved) to become a stay-at-home mother; I ended up loving my new life more than I had ever imagined. I was so thrilled that I may never have to have a “real job” outside of the home again. I had finally found what I was meant to do.

And then, Krabbe.

Krabbe is the proverbial gift that keeps on giving, but in a negative way. I suppose that makes it the gift that keeps on taking.

It took Tori. It is making future children merely a dream. And it took my beloved job from me.

With Tori gone and no more children in our immediate future (yet), I just don’t feel as though I can justify not having a job anymore. I want to help with our finances during this period of waiting to ease the burden from Brennan (even though he has never complained).

I didn’t take the job because I am bored – I’m so far from being bored! I have many things on my plate that require time, but none of them bring money along with them (yet), unfortunately. My book is essentially done, and the book proposal is in process, so maybe that will eventually bring in some extra income, but it’s not a guarantee at all.

This summer was amazing and it was just what I needed: doing photography for CRC, writing/editing for The Transcend Project as well as my own blog and manuscript, serving at Transcend Church, traveling and seeing family, lobbying for Newborn Screening in Pennsylvania occasionally (and next week), and many other things. Doing these things gave me an outlet for my creativity, filling my heart with joy as I was able to serve once again in these capacities. I was able to take some time to do what makes me happy, and I am so thankful for that. All of these things will still happen, of course, even though I have a job – that’s why I only accepted a part-time position 😉

More than anything, though, what my heart longs for is to be a mother again. That’s all. The very thing that so many women take for granted is the thing I want most of all, and it’s so risky (to try naturally) and expensive (IVF or adoption) for us because of our genetics.

So, while we wait on the Lord and trust His timing and guidance, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to get a fun part-time job (2-3 days a week with the option to take on extra shifts) at a place that feels like home with people who have been so supportive of us through everything. And God made all of that happen.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;do not depend on your own understanding.Seek his will in all you do,and he will show you which path to take. – Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT

If nothing else, this will get me out of the house, allow me to meet interesting people, and provide new topics for my writing 😉 I’m sure that my encounters with guests will be interesting!

In all things, we continue to trust God fully, knowing without a doubt that whatever He has in store for us is amazing. ❤

I have been following your blog for a long time now – and prayed for Tori every day until she went to be with Jesus (and for you and Brennan). I hope that this question is not inappropriate or overly intrusive. Obviously, you are under no obligation to answer. I follow your efforts and campaigning for Krabbe to be included in newborn screening in all states. I thought I understood that this early screening would make it possible to provide treatment and intervention to any babies born with Krabbe; and I guess I assumed that intervention would then allow the children to have more or less normal development. But, recently, you have mentioned that it would be genetically risky for you and Brennan to make a baby together; and I’m not sure why. So I obviously have a wrong perception of the efficacy of the proposed newborn screening, or exactly what the risks would be for you and Brennan. If you are comfortable answering my question, I would be glad to have a better understanding; and if you are not, you need not.

Christine – yes, newborn screening is crucial and transplant is an option…but, we don’t want to “just go for it” naturally given that the risk of having another baby with Krabbe is fairly high. Transplant is a solution that we are grateful for, but not one we take lightly. Bone marrow transplants are risky for anyone, so they are definitely hard on babies. I hope this makes sense. To us, transplant is a last resort option if we can help it. ❤️

Lesa, you are an amazing and inspirational lady. God works through and shines in you in so many ways . I really can not wait to witness what He has in store for you and Brennan. Sending you a big hug in your new journey and praying that God’s Grace continues to watch over you both as you fulfill His work.
Love,
Denise