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Winnie the Pooh Review

By:
Daniel Hubschman
Jul 12, 2011

At some point in the early years of the 21st century a bunch of Hollywood executives must have gotten together and decided that animated films should be made for all audiences. The goal was perhaps to make movies that are simultaneously accessible to the older and younger sets with colorful imagery that one expects from children’s films and two levels of humor: one that’s quite literal and harmless and another that’s somewhat subversive. The criteria has resulted in cross-generational hits like Wall-E and Madagascar and though it’s nice to be able to take my nephew to the movies and be as entertained by cartoon characters as he is I can’t help but wonder what happened to unabashedly innocent animated classics like A Goofy Movie and The Land Before Time?
Disney’s Winnie The Pooh is the answer to the Shrek’s and Hoodwinked!’s of the world: a short sweet simple and lighthearted tale of friendship that doesn’t need pop-culture references or snarky dialogue to put a smile on your face. Directors Stephen J. Anderson and Don Hall found some fresh ways to deliver adorable animation while keeping the carefree spirit of A.A. Milne’s source material in tact. Their story isn’t the most original; the first part of the film finds Pooh Piglet Tigger and Owl searching for Eeyore’s tail (a common plot point in the books and past Pooh films) and hits all the predictable notes but the second half mixes things up a bit as the crew searches for a missing Christopher Robin whom they believe has been kidnapped by a forest creature known as the “Backson” (it’s really just the result of the illiterate Owl or is it?).
The beauty of hand-drawn animation all but forgotten until recently is what makes Winnie the Pooh so incredibly magnetic. There’s an inexplicable crispness to the colors and characters that CG just can’t duplicate. It’s a more personal practice for the filmmakers and should provide a refreshing experience for audiences who have become jaded with the pristine presentation of computerized imagery. The film is bookended by brief live-action shots from inside Robin’s room an interesting dynamic that plays up the simplicity of youth ties it to these beloved characters and brings you right back to memories of your own childhood.
With a just-over-an-hour run time Winnie the Pooh is short enough to hold the attention of children but won’t bore the parents who will love the film mainly for nostalgic musings. Still it’s the young’uns who will most enjoy this breezy bright and enchanting film that proves old-school characters can appeal to new moviegoers.

Well, that joke about The Matterhorn becoming Disney's next high-octane thriller just became real. Disney just hired screenwriter Justin Dean Hall to get moving on a script for the forthcoming Disneyland-attraction-to-screen flick.
For some reason, the folks at Disney decided it would be best to call the adaptation The Hill instead of The Matterhorn. Why? Who knows. We all know what the movie's really about, why give it a boring name to create some paper-thin semblance of originality? It's based on the ride, which is why Disney kids like myself are going to be forced to see it out of loyalty.
Even so, they seem to be sticking to the simplest plot, which is probably for the best. Like on the ride, we find a set of adventurers going to the top of the mountain and they "encounter a Yeti on the way down." (Fun fact: the yeti on The Matterhorn ride is named Harold and I sincerely hope that makes it into the flick.) Seriously, add a few jostling bobsleds, some yodeling polka music, and the smell of cotton candy and you've just recreated the Disneyland ride. Of course, there's no word yet on whether or not there will actually be bobsleds in the film, but if there aren't Disney may have a few miffed fans to answer to. (Me.)
Source: THR

Reverend Dr. John Hall, the Dean of Westminster Abbey, spent time with the newlyweds when they were discussing the wedding of the year - and he's convinced theirs will be a marriage that lasts, unlike that of William's parents and his Uncle Andrew and Aunt Anne.
Hall says, "I'm very hopeful that this is an absolutely devoted couple. What I saw was the fruits of their years, I think, of knowing and developing a love for each other, their knowledge of each other, of their maturity.
"There were particular moments during the Bishop of London's address where he said, 'You've made your choice, you've made your commitments, you've said I will...' and, at that point, the two of them simply spontaneously... turned to each other and smiled. I thought that was a particularly delightful moment, which I found very encouraging and reassuring.
"My sense... is that this couple will be together 'til death... They're a remarkable couple."

The first and most important thing you should know about Paramount Pictures’ Thor is that it’s not a laughably corny comic book adaptation. Though you might find it hokey to hear a bunch of muscled heroes talk like British royalty while walking around the American Southwest in LARP garb director Kenneth Branagh has condensed vast Marvel mythology to make an accessible straightforward fantasy epic. Like most films of its ilk I’ve got some issues with its internal logic aesthetic and dialogue but the flaws didn’t keep me from having fun with this extra dimensional adventure.
Taking notes from fellow Avenger Iron Man the story begins with an enthralling event that takes place in a remote desert but quickly jumps back in time to tell the prologue which introduces the audience to the shining kingdom of Asgard and its various champions. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) son of Odin is heir to the throne but is an arrogant overeager and ill-tempered rogue whose aggressive antics threaten a shaky truce between his people and the frost giants of Jotunheim one of the universe’s many realms. Odin (played with aristocratic boldness by Anthony Hopkins) enraged by his son’s blatant disregard of his orders to forgo an assault on their enemies after they attempt to reclaim a powerful artifact banishes the boy to a life among the mortals of Earth leaving Asgard defenseless against the treachery of Loki his mischievous “other son” who’s always felt inferior to Thor. Powerless and confused the disgraced Prince finds unlikely allies in a trio of scientists (Natalie Portman Stellan Skarsgard and Kat Dennings) who help him reclaim his former glory and defend our world from total destruction.
Individually the make-up visual effects CGI production design and art direction are all wondrous to behold but when fused together to create larger-than-life set pieces and action sequences the collaborative result is often unharmonious. I’m not knocking the 3D presentation; unlike 2010’s genre counterpart Clash of the Titans the filmmakers had plenty of time to perfect the third dimension and there are only a few moments that make the decision to convert look like it was a bad one. It’s the unavoidable overload of visual trickery that’s to blame for the frost giants’ icy weaponized constructs and other hybrids of the production looking noticeably artificial. Though there’s some imagery to nitpick the same can’t be said of Thor’s thunderous sound design which is amped with enough wattage to power The Avengers’ headquarters for a century.
Chock full of nods to the comics the screenplay is both a strength and weakness for the film. The story is well sequenced giving the audience enough time between action scenes to grasp the characters motivations and the plot but there are tangential narrative threads that disrupt the focus of the film. Chief amongst them is the frost giants’ fore mentioned relic which is given lots of attention in the first act but has little effect on the outcome. In addition I felt that S.H.I.E.L.D. was nearly irrelevant this time around; other than introducing Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye the secret security faction just gets in the way of the movie’s momentum.
While most of the comedy crashes and burns there are a few laughs to be found in the film. Most come from star Hemsworth’s charismatic portrayal of the God of Thunder. He plays up the stranger-in-a-strange-land aspect of the story with his cavalier but charming attitude and by breaking all rules of diner etiquette in a particularly funny scene with the scientists whose respective roles as love interest (Portman) friendly father figure (Skarsgaard) and POV character (Dennings) are ripped right out of a screenwriters handbook.
Though he handles the humorous moments without a problem Hemsworth struggles with some of the more dramatic scenes in the movie; the result of over-acting and too much time spent on the Australian soap opera Home and Away. Luckily he’s surrounded by a stellar supporting cast that fills the void. Most impressive is Tom Hiddleston who gives a truly humanistic performance as the jealous Loki. His arc steeped in Shakespearean tragedy (like Thor’s) drums up genuine sympathy that one rarely has for a comic book movie villain.
My grievances with the technical aspects of the production aside Branagh has succeeded in further exploring the Marvel Universe with a film that works both as a standalone superhero flick and as the next chapter in the story of The Avengers. Thor is very much a comic book film and doesn’t hide from the reputation that its predecessors have given the sub-genre or the tropes that define it. Balanced pretty evenly between “serious” and “silly ” its scope is large enough to please fans well versed in the source material but its tone is light enough to make it a mainstream hit.

S2E13: Community had a very important lesson for us this week: drugs are bad, mmk? Yep, you betcha. Annie’s heading up Greendale’s anti-drug presentation for “at-risk pre-teens” and she’s got the whole study group involved. At first I was a little put off that she somehow managed to get them all to participate, but they are good friends and they love her, so it makes sense they’d sacrifice their dignity to give her a hand.
Overall, this episode was a bit predictable, pulling from the first few worn out pages of the sitcom playbook, but it worked and it kept the funny going, so I can forgive them for this one. Plus, Abed subtly makes sure to punctuate, not necessarily call out, the moments when the plot starts to dive into sitcom prescriptions and I think half the reason he was so silent this episode is because he felt like he was sitting on his couch watching an old episode of Friends or Who’s The Boss. Even when it’s being predictable, Community doesn’t forget who it is.
“Does marijuana make people work faster? I thought it helped people custom paint their vans and solve mysteries.” –Abed
And just like that, Abed roasts Scooby Doo in the first 15 seconds of the episode. Gotta love that kid. The cold open was nothing spectacular, but it did give us the chance to see Shirley say “tripping balls” while wearing a green crayon costume, Jeff and Britta literally dressed as the “cool cats” they are, the dean interrupting with the creepily suggestive pun “dean-dong!” and one of the best punch-lines we’ve had in a while.
“What are you doing in an apartment above Dildopolis? And when did they open a second location?” –Pierce
So here it is, the reason they’ve been carefully dropping hints about how crappy Annie’s little apartment is. Her parents cut her off after rehab and she’s running out of the money she saved from allowance and something called The Period Fairy. (Genius!) Once again, you’ve got to love the contrast that’s constantly within Annie. She’s always completely put together, prim and proper, but if she’s not going crazy, lying on the floor in the hall giving up on language or creating insane plots to straighten out her fellow study group members, she’s living in a dump above a sex shop, collecting cans like a hobo and driving around a rusty old bucket o’ bolts. And this is where things get going.
Pierce follows Annie home after she won’t give him more lines in her anti-drug play, but when he finds out where she lives, he takes her under his wing almost like a father and helps her pay her rent. Thank goodness the writers didn’t let this good feeling last too long (I was starting to actually LIKE Pierce), switching to a scene where Pierce is watching a reel of his father’s commercial for Hawthorne Wipes, wherein his dad hired an actor to play him because little Pierce failed his audition. Because it’s Community, and not some other show, this played out like Pierce was a typical serial killer from a horror movie. Secretly lying in wait, obsessing over past wrongs and vowing to somehow make them right. You have got to admit, even if you never liked Chevy Chase before, this is the one show where he fits absolutely perfectly.
“I don’t like flirting in text.” –Britta
“That’s like saying you don’t work by electric light.” –Jeff
In one of the secondary plots, we find the most textbook sitcom plot I can remember seeing on this show. Britta doesn’t want to text flirt with some dude, and because she’s suddenly and uncharacteristically an idiot and leaves her phone with Jeff Winger MULTIPLE times, he decides to help her out by sending flirty texts. Abed says it, but we’re all thinking it, asking how this could not be a bad idea. EXACTLY. But it’s the fact that the writers call it out through Abed that allows me to forgive them. It’s like they’re saying, “Yeah, we know. Just go with it.”
Plus, it’s worth it when Jeff pretends to be Britta’s boyfriend to keep her unnecessarily excited nephew who received the suggestive texts to keep quiet by delivering Britta’s bra to him as hush money. It was dastardly and awful and totally Jeff Winger.
“Are you ignoring because I’m Korean?” –Chang
“You’re Chinese.” –Shirley
“Oh, there’s a difference?” –Chang
Involving Chang in a pregnancy scandal is the only way I would accept this kind of drama on Community. By now, everyone knows about the Chang experience Shirley had on Halloween, but true to her character, she’s too embarrassed to deal with it. Chang is the perfect blend of creepy and lovable (but always managing to ruin that with something disgusting or disconcerting), even making Shirley a mix tape, but on an actual tape so she can’t play it, but don’t worry he made a list of tape players on Craig’s List. The writers are allowing Chang to take part in this humanizing storyline without stripping him of those bits that make him the character we all love to spit on.
Even when he saves the day at the end of the episode, he does it with overwhelming Chang-ness and finishes up by responding to Shirley’s apology with something that ensures we continue to think of him as the total nut-job that he is.
“Hey crayon, do you know where I can get some drugs?” –Troy
When it comes time for Annie’s little play, Pierce has put his helping hands to more diabolical use. Of course he does; he’s Pierce! It was predictable, but how could you not laugh (and feel the appropriate amount of remorse later) when we got to see Pierce dressed as a pot leaf with a rainbow fro, calling the bees and cool cats “nerds” and getting “50 at-risk pre-teens armed with baseballs” to chant “WE WANT DRUGS” just so that Chang could swoop in and make the perfect rescue, presenting his craziness as a metaphor for the aftermath of drug use. You have to admit, that was pretty perfect.
Plus, this whole plot forces Annie to finally get a job, which brings up a point I’ve been wondering about for a while. Why does no one have a job on this show? Britta’s endless supply of leather jackets can’t come out of thin air. I’m just glad they’re finally addressing it.
“Well. That answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.” –Dean
Okay, I don’t actually have a lot to say on this point other than how many creepy fetishes does the dean have? Necrophelia? Wow. At least they’re not letting his character grow stale, instead just letting him continue to fester like a petri dish in moist, warm room. Yuck…yet still hilarious.
“At Dildopolis, your privacy is our top concern. All store purchases will show up on your credit card as A.V.C. Dildos Incorporated.” – Announcement from Dildopolis
There was no Troy and Abed tag this week, but instead this incredibly uncomfortable, but funny scene with Annie as she attempts to sleep through the sex shop’s 2 a.m. announcement. I love that she stops pounding on the floor with a broom when they start talking about serving espresso and biscotti. Does anyone else think that Annie may be looking a little too close to home for that new job of hers? Wouldn’t that be the best possible job for her? Yes, yes it would. The only problem is that I have no idea how they could do that on network television, because I’m pretty sure you can’t show walls of sex toys on a Thursday night at 8 p.m., but if anyone can figure out a way, it’s this show.

January
Matthew McConaughey became the first new celebrity dad of 2010 when he and Camila Alves welcomed baby Vida into the world, but they weren't the only couple celebrating births. Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell experienced the joys of fatherhood all over again, while supermodel Claudia Schiffer and actress Monica Bellucci were bursting with excitement after announcing their pregnancies.
Love was certainly in the air - actor Josh Duhamel renewed his vows with Fergie, and British model Sophie Dahl became Mrs. Jamie Cullum. Russell Brand confirmed plans to wed Katy Perry, and Michael Buble got down on bended knee to propose to model Luisana Lopilato.
The same couldn't be said for Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend - they called it quits after nine years together. A cancer-stricken Dennis Hopper filed for divorce from his wife, and sporting pair Chris Evert and Greg Norman finalised the dissolution of their 18-month marriage.
There were new troubles for embattled celebrity offspring - Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal's boy Redmond was jailed after another drugs bust, and the future was bleak for Michael Douglas' actor son Cameron, who prepared for a lengthy prison sentence after pleading guilty to drug trafficking charges.
Meanwhile, illusionist David Copperfield was cleared of rape allegations, and actor Rip Torn was arrested after he was found passed out on the floor of a Connecticut bank, clutching a gun. Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman was arrested on allegations of domestic assault and then hospitalised following a number of seizures.
Bad health also struck Dexter's Michael C. Hall, who was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, just as Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber revealed he had overcome prostate cancer.
The music industry mourned the death of R&amp;B legend Teddy Pendergrass when he lost his battle with colon cancer, while the literary world was hit hard with the passing of beloved author J.D. Salinger.
Awards season was in full swing and Beyonce, Kings of Leon and Taylor Swift ruled the 2010 Grammy Awards, while director James Cameron's Avatar collected top honours at the Golden Globes and the Critics' Choice Movie Awards.
In the TV world, Simon Cowell confirmed he was stepping down as an American Idol judge, Miley Cyrus announced she was turning her back on Hannah Montana, and Ugly Betty got the axe from network executives.
Elsewhere, George Clooney led the Hope For Haiti Now telethon to raise funds for the Haitian victims of the 12 January earthquake, enlisting pals Jack Nicholson, Ben Affleck and Mel Gibson to man the phones as Madonna, Bono and Beyonce performed for charity. Clooney, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock and Gisele Bundchen all led by example and donated huge sums to the relief efforts, and the telethon raised more than $57 million (£35.6 million).
Jessica Biel and Emile Hirsch fronted another big charity drive when they joined a team of stars to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, drawing attention to Africa's chronic water shortage. They reached the Tanzanian peak for the Summit on the Summit: Kilimanjaro campaign on 12 January, six days after embarking on the challenge.
February
February was marked by tragedy when celebrated fashion designer Alexander Mcqueen was found dead after hanging himself at his London home. Meanwhile, investigations into Michael Jackson’s death in June, 2009 loomed as coroner’s officials determined acute intoxication of powerful anaesthetic Propofol was the cause. The ruling prompted prosecutors to file involuntary manslaughter charges against his former doctor Conrad Murray. Officials also ruled Brittany Murphy’s death in December, 2009 was accidental and caused by pneumonia, aided by anaemia and drug intoxication. Andrew Koenig’s family continued to mourn after his body was found in Vancouver following an apparent suicide. Marie Osmond also grieved the apparent suicide death of her 18-year-old son.
Nancy Kerrigan’s family was rocked by controversy after her brother, Mark, became the target of an investigation of their father’s homicide. Meanwhile, Etta James’ son revealed the singer had been secretly battling Alzheimer's disease for more than a year.
But there were still celebrations in Hollywood. James Cameron’s sci-fi film Avatar became the highest grossing movie in the U.S. and the U.K. His ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, had something to boast about too when her war drama, The Hurt Locker, scored nine Oscar nods, the same amount as Cameron’s cinematic sensation. She also won top awards at the BAFTAs.
The world watched as Canada's brightest stars including Bryan Adams, Nelly Furtado, K.D. lang and Joni Mitchell teamed up to help launch the Winter Olympics in the country. And in London, Lady Gaga walked away with the BRIT Awards’ top honours. Beatles drummer Ringo Starr unveiled his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and The Beatles' favourite recording studio Abbey Road was awarded historic status by the British government. Celine Dion, Kanye West, and Jennifer Hudson were among singers who recorded vocals for Quincy Jones and Lionel Richie's revamped We Are The World track to raise money for earthquake-ravaged Haiti. The country's biggest celebrity activist Sean Penn was caught in controversy and charged with criminal battery and vandalism following a violent run-in with a paparazzo, while Lil Wayne celebrated winning a postponement on his prison sentence for weapons possession.
It was a romantic month for several stars who announced plans to wed, including Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, Hilary Duff and ice hockey ace Mike Comrie, and Dave Annabelle and Odette Yustman. Kristen Bell revealed boyfriend Dax Shepard had proposed back in December, 2009. Meanwhile, Sienna Miller, who called off her engagement to Jude Law in 2006, rekindled her romance with the actor. Several stars welcomed bundles of joy, including Padma Lakshmi, Boris Becker, Sarah Jane Morris and Gary Busey. February wasn’t such a loved-up month for Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish, or Cheryl Cole and her soccer star husband Ashley - both couples split. John Mayer risked the wrath of ex Jessica Simpson after referring to her as “sexual napalm”.
Public scandal took over headlines when Tiger Woods finally addressed reports he cheated on ex-wife Elin Nordegren with several mistresses and announced plans to return to rehab for sex therapy. Exes waged war in court, including Dennis Hopper, who won a restraining order against his estranged wife. Charlie Sheen was charged with felony menacing, third degree assault and misdemeanour criminal mischief stemming from an alleged altercation with his now-estranged wife, Brooke Mueller. Both parties checked in to rehab.
March
It was a shocking way to start the spring as March saw two of Hollywood's biggest star couples announce break-ups - Kate Winslet parted ways with her second husband Sam Mendes after seven years and Sandra Bullock's Oscar win was overshadowed after she found out partner Jesse James had cheated on her.
March wasn't any better for Take That's Mark Owen, who was also accused of cheating on his longtime girlfriend Emma Ferguson with 10 women - and he later revealed he's a struggling alcoholic and checked himself into rehab.
More scandals came as the month progressed, with fiery supermodel Naomi Campbell accused of attacking her driver by striking him on the head, and Michael Jackson's mum Katherine visited by welfare officials in Los Angeles over allegations one of her grandkids had purchased a stun gun.
Rapper J-Kwon was reported as a missing person after he failed to get in contact with his loved ones for more than a month, and reclusive R&amp;B star D'Angelo was arrested in New York for offering an undercover cop cash for oral sex.
Other stars facing a tough time included Lil Wayne, who began an eight-month stretch behind bars stemming from a 2007 weapon possession arrest, and Lindsay Lohan, who had a fashion flop on her hands after being axed as the artistic advisor of style house Emanuel Ungaro following a slated catwalk collection.
But it wasn't all doom and gloom - Kathryn Bigelow made Oscars history when she became the first female to land the top director Academy Award for her war movie The Hurt Locker, beating ex-husband James Cameron in the process. Music mogul Simon Cowell confirmed his engagement to make-up artist Mezhgan Hussainy while others to put a ring on it included Friends star David Schwimmer, who proposed to his photographer girlfriend Zoe Buckman, and Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher, who enjoyed a small private wedding ceremony in Paris, France.
There was also a string of spring babies - Shakespeare In Love star Joseph Fiennes became a first-time father after welcoming a daughter, while Kevin Costner announced he was set to become a dad for a seventh time. Hollywood stars Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart also became parents for the first time after the actress gave birth to a baby girl.
While March saw ups and downs for some of Tinseltown's finest, others were looking on the bright side - Ricky Martin confirmed the worst kept secret in pop by announcing he's homosexual, while Will &amp; Grace star Sean Hayes also decided to come out of the closet and spoke for the first time about his sexuality.
Every fan of 1980s movies was left devastated after hearing Corey Haim had died from a drug overdose - the Lost Boys star was aged 38. The month also saw the passings of Little Women star Richard Stapley, veteran British actor Martin Benson and beloved U.S. TV star Fess Parker.
April
The eruption of a volcano in Iceland at the end of March meant the following month was dogged by stories of stranded stars as a giant ash cloud swept over northern Europe and closed airports across the continent.
California's Coachella festival was under threat as a number of acts cancelled their slots when they were unable to fly out to the U.S.
Several movie premieres were also affected in the chaos - the Iron Man 2 red carpet event in London was moved to Los Angeles when stars including Robert Downey, Jr. were unable to jet to Britain. Miley Cyrus also scrapped plans to unveil her film The Last Song in the British capital due to the cancelled flights.
TV stars Chace Crawford and Kiefer Sutherland were both stranded in London after the ash cloud hit, and the 24 actor made the most of his extended stay by taking trips to some of Britain's best-known landmarks, including a day out to visit Stonehenge.
But many celebrities refused to let a little bit of volcano ash get in the way of their work - Metallica continued their tour by swapping planes for roads and railways, while Status Quo drove back to Britain after finding themselves stuck in Russia. John Cleese was stranded in Norway, so he paid $4,950 (£3,300) for a taxi to take him to Belgium, where he caught a train back to London.
In non-volcano-related news, Sandra Bullock sent shockwaves through the showbiz world when she came out fighting after her husband Jesse James' cheating scandal in March. The Oscar winner announced she had filed for divorce and stunned the world by revealing she had also adopted a baby son, Louis. Bullock admitted the couple had taken charge of their new son back in January, but kept the news quiet and after splitting from James she resolved to raise the baby on her own.
Another high profile celebrity split hit headlines when Mel Gibson ended his year-long romance with Russian musician Oksana Grigorieva, the mother of his baby daughter, Lucia. The couple didn't give a reason for the break-up, but Grigorieva subsequently hinted "you will find out everything quite soon". Jim Carrey and Jenny Mccarthy also ended their five-year romance.
The music world was rocked when Brett Michaels suffered two serious health scares in April. The Poison rocker was admitted to hospital for an emergency appendectomy at the beginning of the month and just weeks later he collapsed after suffering a brain haemorrhage. The rocker was in a critical condition, but slowly began his recovery. Another shock for music fans came with the death of former Sex Pistols manager and punk icon Malcolm Mclaren, who lost his battle with cancer.
April was a sad month for Dynasty fans after two of the show's former stars died within days of each other. John Forsythe passed away from complications relating to pneumonia and his death was followed by the passing of his onscreen brother Christopher Cazenove, who lost a battle with blood poisoning just six days later.
The scandal of the month came when Desperate Housewives actress Nicollette Sheridan filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the show's creator, Marc Cherry. The actress claimed he slapped her during an argument over the script and then fired her when she complained to producers.
Sheridan's co-stars, Teri Hatcher, Eva Longoria Parker, Felicity Huffman and Marcia CrosS, all took Cherry's side.
May
There were wedding bells this month for Scissor Sisters singer Ana Matronic and her boyfriend Seth Kirby, and actors Seth Green and Clare Grant. Meanwhile, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon sealed their love by renewing their wedding vows for the third time.
May was not such a happy month for Boyzone singer Ronan Keating, who split from his wife Yvonne, and he wasn't the only one facing heartache - former Bond girl Halle Berry split from Gabriel Aubry after more than four years together, and Buffy The Vampire Slayer star David Boreanaz's marriage was plunged into crisis when he admitted cheating on his wife.
Several stars heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet this month - Monica Bellucci gave birth to her second daughter, Leonie, supermodel Claudia Schiffer delivered her third child, daughter Cosima, and Amy Adams became a first-time mum after giving birth to daughter Aviana.
John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston had something to smile about after the death of son Jett in 2009, when they confirmed the actress was expecting another child, and it was double joy for singer Alicia Keys - she became engaged to producer Swizz Beatz and announced her pregnancy.
Meanwhile, Hollywood paid tribute to legendary actor Dennis Hopper when he died at the age of 74 after a battle against prostate cancer, and Diff'rent Strokes star Gary Coleman passed away at the age of 42 after suffering a brain haemorrhage in a fall at his home.
There was further tragedy for the Redgrave dynasty when Lynn Redgrave died aged 67 after a long battle with breast cancer, and Brittany Murphy's grieving widower Simon Monjack was found dead at his home.
The rock world was plunged into mourning when Ronnie James Dio lost his battle with stomach cancer at the age of 67, swiftly followed by the sudden death of Slipknot bassist Paul Gray, 38, who was found dead in a hotel room in Iowa after an accidental drug overdose.
Former The Temptations star Ali-Ollie Woodson died from leukaemia, aged 58, and veteran actress/singer Lena Horne succumbed to heart failure at 92.
On the scandal front, Charlie Sheen's troubles mounted when he surrendered legal custody of his two children with ex-wife Denise Richards, and Miley Cyrus showed she's growing up fast when she was caught on camera dirty dancing with a 44-year-old movie producer in a nightclub. Lindsay Lohan was ordered by a court to wear an alcohol-monitoring ankle tag in a bid to help beat her drink and drug demons, and troubled actor Michael Madsen was hospitalised following a nine-day booze binge in Britain.
Bono was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery on his back, leading to the cancellation of U2's hotly-anticipated Glastonbury headline slot the following month.
June
June was a bumper wedding month with Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green marrying on a beach in Hawaii, while Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart wed after seven years together. Gemma Arterton married Stefano Catelli, and Alanis Morissette married MC Souleye. British newsman Piers Morgan wed Celia Walden and Mena Suvari married music producer Simone Sestitos. Glee star Jane Lynch married Lara Embry in a civil partnership ceremony – and love was also in the air for Orlando Bloom, who announced his engagement to longterm girlfriend Miranda Kerr.
Ugly Betty star America Ferrera became engaged to Ryan Piers Williams, while Kate Hudson hit headlines when she started dating MUSE frontman Matt Bellamy.
It was a baby boom month - Kevin Costner became a dad for the seventh time, Sheryl Crow adopted her second son, director Sofia Coppola welcomed another daughter, and R&amp;B star Ne-Yo announced he is to be a father for the first time.
June was not such a good month love wise for actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who filed for divorce from his wife of 13 years. Meanwhile British singer Leona Lewis split from her childhood sweetheart and Twilight's Nikki Reed broke up with Paris Latsis. Brandy's romance with rapper Flo Rida came to an end, Welsh singer Charlotte Church split from fiance Gavin Henson, and former U.S. vice president Al Gore split from his wife of 40 years.
Rock stars were in mourning when former Stereophonics star Stuart Cable passed away, former The Kinks bassist Pete Quaife also died, and country music legend Jimmy Dean passed away at the age of 81. Hollywood was saddened when Golden Girls star Rue McClanahan died aged 76 after suffering a major stroke and actor/director Corey Allen passed away. Zorro star Eugenia Paul also died at the age of 75.
June also caused havoc for the music industry with numerous gigs being axed - Drake, Jay-Z, Ke$ha and Grace Jones all had to cancel shows, while illness caused cancellations for John Mayer, Cher and Wolfmother, and SUM 41 brought the curtain down on their European tour after Steve Jocz was involved in a car crash.
Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford was in the news following his arrest for pot possession, while Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil and The Sopranos star Joseph Gannascoli were arrested separately on suspicion of driving under the influence (DUI). Meanwhile it was also another DUI arrest for actor Chris Klein - he then checked himself into a rehabilitation facility to deal with alcohol addiction later in the month.
Incarcerated rapper Lil Wayne's troubles worsened - he was sentenced to three years probation after striking a plea deal with U.S. prosecutors in relation to a 2008 drugs charge.
Other notable events in June included the launch of the soccer World Cup tournament, which saw stars including the Black Eyed Peas, Shakira, Alicia Keys and John Legend perform at the opening ceremony in South Africa. There was also a flurry of tributes on the one-year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, and Larry King announced plans to retire from his 25-year run as the host of CNN talk show Larry King Live.
A number of awards were also handed out - The Twilight Saga: New Moon was the big winner at the MTV Movie Awards in Los Angeles, picking up four honours, while Sandra Bullock and Scarlett Johansson caused a stir by locking lips onstage at the ceremony. Chris Brown stole the show at the 2010 BET Awards when he performed a dance tribute to Michael Jackson, while Alicia Keys and Drake were crowned the big winners.

The Top 10 of 2010
10. The American
This George Clooney-fueled spy movie disappointed some movie goers thanks to a trailer that packed more action than the actual film, but behind the misguided guise of its marketing campaign was a beautiful, detailed, European-style film that harkened back to the days of Cary Grant and explored the subtleties of a spy’s quiet exile. There aren’t a great many action scenes and even the few that are sprinkled throughout the film require patience and a keen eye, but as long as you’re not expecting a James Bond style thriller they don’t disappoint.
The American moves slow and methodically but with purpose, much like its protagonist who attempts to escape the spy life with one last job which sends him into hiding in a small Italian village. Director Anton Corbijn perfectly captures the daily paranoia as Jack navigates the cavernous and winding cobblestone streets of his new-found hideaway and the film swaps heavy dialogue for a host of subtle visual clues. The old cliché of that last spy job in a European village can be forgiven once the film really hits its stride; the standby plot is treated with care and a gritty elegance that makes The American is not only a joy to watch, but a film that lingers long after the last frame. -Kelsea Stahler
9. Blue Valentine
Like fine wines, some troubled film projects gets better with age. Writer-director Derek Cianfrance struggled for nearly 12 years to get Blue Valentine made and that long hard road mirrors the tumultuous marriage that the movie chronicles. Centering on the lives of Dean and Cindy, the film runs the course of their ten year relationship through its ups and downs before coming to a devastating conclusion.
Cianfrance effortlessly creates the blue-collar lifestyle that Dean and Cindy inhabit while guiding two of the industry’s most talented performers to slam-dunk performances. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams come close to perfection in their respective roles; they make their misery your own and though it is difficult at times, you won’t be able to take your eyes off of them. The film itself will probably be remembered most for its infamous rating-fiasco, Gosling and Williams’ careers may very well be defined by this beautifully bleak piece of work. -Daniel Hubschman
8. Never Let Me Go
Simply put: no movie this year made me feel more human than Never Let Me Go. The fact that it's a science fiction film is just icing on the cake. But unlike most sci-fi, the only special effect in Mark Romanek's adaptation of Kazuo Ishiguro's acclaimed novel is that there are no special effects. Romanek opens with just a few curt title cards vaguely explaining the clone-based nature of the story's alternate reality. After that, all of the genre elements become background to a story of what it truly means to be human; what it really means to live and love and lose. It's not a grand film, but a subtle, understated story about three children who grow up in a purpose-driven world void of distraction and influence. And yet even in their pristine, single-purpose lives, they fall prey to the fears and pressures of what we all know is inevitable; that the hourglass is always running out of sand and there are no do-overs. -Peter Hall
7. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
Here’s the thing about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: it’s a really good movie that is well directed and acted. The effects, though far from ground breaking, are extremely fun. Yet between being fairly critically acclaimed and bombing at the box office, it has already been shuffled off to cult status (exactly where it would want to be, though it deserves something more). What kept it from being universally adored was that it was so specifically designed those unaware of said specificity quickly wrote the film off.
Edgar Wright perfectly captured today’s pop culture obsessed youth, but those looking at the material from the outside only saw flashing lights (much like how video games were originally perceived as not art). We’re the world’s first generation brought up on video games and the film showed that. Wright’s brilliant direction was spot on and Michael Cera stepped up to show some remarkable range while Kieran Culkin’s dark horse character delivered some of the funniest lines of the year. All in all, it had everything that makes a film great. It’s unfortunate that most people were too uptight to give it a fair chance. -Sam Morgan
6. True Grit
When is a remake not a remake? When it’s a Coen Brothers remake. Cineastes, especially those with a fondness for westerns, may be surprised to learn that the sibling writer-directors Joel and Ethan Coen had never seen the 1969 version of True Grit, which won John Wayne his first and only Oscar, prior to starting work on the film. Nor did they watch it any point during the production process. (They still claim to have not seen it, in fact.) Instead, they went directly to the source material – Charles Portis’ acclaimed novel – and adapted it for the screen themselves. Audacious? Perhaps. But ignoring the original film allowed the Coens to maintain a certain purity of vision, one which reflected the filmmakers’ unique sensibilities while adhering faithfully to the spirit of Portis’ novel. In every sense of the phrase, their story of spirited 14-year-old Mattie Ross partnering with curmudgeonly sheriff Reuben “Rooster” Cogburn to avenge the murder of her father merits the label “A Coen Brothers Film.” Theirs is a mythic western that steers clear of nostalgia and sentiment but also avoids the self-conscious “grittiness” of recent revisionist works like Deadwood, which used the word “cocksucker” as if it owned the copyright. It is an instant classic.
But it might not have happened if the filmmakers hadn’t discovered Hailee Steinfeld, who plays Mattie, at the tail-end of an exhaustive casting search that saw them nearly give up and pull the plug on the film. In all likelihood, Steinfeld will earn an Oscar nomination for what was her first feature-film role. Not a bad debut. -Thomas Leupp
5. The King's Speech
It’s hard to empathize with royalty – especially English royalty. Us regular folk have enough problems on our hands to spare much concern for the travails of Lord and Lady Douchebag. Here then, is the principal triumph of Tom Hooper’s superb The King’s Speech: Not only does it humanize King George VI, the stammering sovereign who overcame his crippling speech impediment to rally benighted Britain on the eve of World War II, it lionizes him.
Actors portraying historical figures – especially recent ones – will always have an edge come Oscar time, not least because history provides a reliable, straightforward standard to judge their performance against. But Colin Firth’s portrayal of George, branded with the belittling nickname "Bertie” by his fellow-nobles, goes well beyond mere mimicry. It renders fully-fleshed a frightfully shy and insecure monarch shoved into the spotlight by destiny, who never aspired to lead but was bound by honor and patriotism to do so. The Best Actor Oscar is Firth’s to lose.
The UK is always good for at least one Oscar-baiting historical costume drama each year, and if you've avoided King’s Speech after being burned by stuffy bores like The Duchess, I can hardly blame you for it. But know that you'll be missing out on one of the more inspiring and triumphant films to grace theaters in quite some time. -Thomas Leupp
4. Black Swan
Black Swan may have garnered buzz for a few reasons that only account for a fraction of the film itself – lesbian sex scenes and extreme weight loss – when it finally hit the screen, I wasn’t the only one who was happy to see Darren Aronofsky’s movie in the spotlight. The film combines the fantastic beauty and grace of the ballet world with its prickly psychological underbelly and a slew of horror tropes. Upon first word of Aronofsy’s undertaking, it seemed like he may have bitten off more than he could chew, but like the dizzying and destructive interplay of the Black Swan and The Swan Queen in the ballet at the heart of the film, these elements dance together onscreen.
Besides being a fantastic, thrilling film, it also ushers in a new era of dance on film. Many films before Black Swan have attempted to bring dance to the screen, but most eschew quality plot, writing, directing, and other necessary elements for a weak storyline that does little but allow for more scenes of mind-blowing dance set to catchy music. Aronofsky’s latest masterpiece truly uses dance to create a beautiful film, lending the cadence of the classic ballet, Swan Lake, to his storytelling and allowing the audience to waltz through prima ballerina Nina’s breakdown (brilliantly portrayed by Natalie Portman). He allows the drama of the dance itself to permeate the entire story, so that the story feeds off the dance and the dance gains greater depth from the story, creating a true marriage of both arts on the screen. -Kelsea Stahler
3. Inception
Christopher Nolan is one of the most brilliant, diverse filmmakers working today. Early in his career he made complex, cerebral thrillers that put him on the map critically: Following and Memento. But it wasn’t until he was given the reigns to the Batman dynasty that he became a household name. His latest film, Inception, is an absolute triumph. The plot is multifaceted and deeply enthralling, and the performances are career defining. Leonardo DiCaprio sizzles but the turns from Inception’s supporting cast really make it to stand out. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tom Hardy and Ellen Page all come into their own and deliver on the highest level.
The cinematography is breathtaking and foster action sequences so unique that it becomes impossible to take your eyes off the screen; allowing for Inception’s two-and-a-half hour runtime to never run stale. The spinning hallway sequence is astounding; playing with perspective in a gorgeously acrobatic display of visual adeptness. The siege on the frozen fortress, while far more conventional than the hallway scene, is nevertheless exciting and gives Hardy yet another chance to shine as he takes down a whole platoon single-handedly.
Inception is the perfect bridge between the brainy thrillers of Nolan’s early career and the eloquent yet crowd pleasing action films of his Batman era. It has all the intelligence and complexity of Memento while also being fit to stand aside the best action films of the year. The ending of Inception is a delectable riddle that perfectly brings the proceedings to a head while also demonstrating trust in the audience to draw the appropriate conclusion without it being spelled out for them. -Brian Salisbury
2. Toy Story 3
In an ideal world, children would be innocent. Their lives would be full of big trees, swing sets, and fireflies. They'd spend their days creating worlds with their toys, giving them life, each with their own personality, each making their own adventures. But unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. Not everyone gets to have that cliche childhood full of wonder. But yet, weirdly enough, even if we never experienced what it was like to create epic battles in the bathtub, there's some magical connection everyone feels to those classic, almost cinematic, moments. Enter, Toy Story 3.
In this tremendous animated film, Pixar successfully illustrates some of the most challenging themes in cinema -- love, loss, growth, and rebirth -- all through the eyes of toys. Woody and Buzz, plus all the other characters we've grown to love over the years, must deal with reality: the one person they love most in this world is leaving. They no longer feel needed or, perhaps more accurately, like they have a purpose. Through the stunning direction of Lee Unkrich, we see these characters move through each challenge, sometimes gracefully, and sometimes not. But the most important thing is that, somehow, no matter what, they make it. And in that is a lesson for all of us, regardless of age, regardless of childhood, regardless of anything. Things happen. Life moves on. And you know what? That's okay. It really is. -Eric Sundermann
1. The Social Network
While most films take years to develop, produce and release, The Social Network is a story born in and of the digital age. When Ben Mezrich’s acclaimed novel “The Accidental Billionaire’s” burned up the best-seller charts, a big-screen adaptation was destined to follow. Its success, however, was almost as unpredictable as that of Facebook itself because many (myself included) were initially skeptical about a “Facebook movie.” That was before the haunting trailer hit the internet and immediately showed the world that the origin of the massive digital domain was a complex and layered tale worthy of our attention – and that of the film’s extraordinary cast and crew.
Aaron Sorkin’s scathing script, David Fincher’s decisive direction, Trent Reznor’s ominous score and Jesse Eisenberg’s indisputable portrayal of Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg are all invaluable elements of the film, but their collision was the cinematic equivalent of The Big Bang. Rarely can a movie be both specific and universal in its themes, but The Social Network is at once about a band of misfit geniuses who stumbled upon fame and fortune and an entire generation of young adults reaching for its piece of the American Dream – and one another. -Daniel Hubschman
Honorable Mentions
127 Hours
The story is almost too cinematic to be true, a no-brainer recipient of big-screen “treatment” if ever there was one. But that doesn’t mean Danny Boyle had an easy task. On the contrary, the task -- keeping hard-to-excite audiences interested in what is, at its core, a long, monotonous story whose climax, awesomely gruesome though it may be, most people already know -- was difficult. That’s probably what attracted the Oscar-winning director to the project in the first place, and it probably also helped him excel. 127 Hours is unmistakably Boyle-y, with its nifty camera work, energy and theme (man vs. a boulder, literally and figuratively). But he is at his best during the solitary moments that comprise most of the movie, somehow managing to keep the proceedings riveting while not abandoning the quiet, natural terror of the incident at hand. It’s pretty tough to think of another director capable of striking such a balance.
Then there’s James Franco, who turns in precisely the type of performance you’d expect him to, one that not many, if any, of his peers could pull off (only Christian Bale comes to mind). A few costars bookend the movie, but for the balance of it, Franco is by his lonesome, replicating the visceral reaction and descent the real-life Aron Ralston experienced. It’s a role that forces an actor to throw vanity to the wind, and as Franco has shown time and again, such roles are the ones to which he is most attracted. The result is quite possibly the year’s best performance and, more importantly, the most integral ingredient of a wholly credible, altogether superb movie. -Brian Marder
Winter's Bone
Winter's Bone perfectly captures the bleak misery of the meth-addicted Ozarks with Jennifer Lawrence's stunning performance. Dark and haunting, she may ultimately lose out to Natalie Portman’s shocking turn in Black Swan, but there was no greater transformation this year in cinema than Lawrence’s. -Sam Morgan
The Kids Are All Right
Deemed “the best comedy about an American family” since anything by the New York Times, The Kids Are All Right had lesbian couple Annette Bening and Julianne Moore dealing with their daughter, played by Mia Wasikowska, going to college and her efforts to get to know her biological father, Mark Ruffalo, despite their disapproval. But these seemingly normal events are superseded by the sudden decay of Bening and Moore’s relationship due to their basic differences in occupation and personality traits that have only recently become bothersome. And even though the title suggests the primary focus of the movie would be about Wasikowska and her brother, played by Josh Hutcherson, the most compelling and wonderful and realistic performances come from their two mothers’ exchanges, which therefore makes them the basis of the film.
The downfall of Bening and Moore’s union is almost poetic in that they’ve been together for so long, but then something subtle happens which onsets their rapid descent so quickly and furiously that the reason for its onset is forgotten. The easiest thing to pin it on was Ruffalo’s sudden interest in and insertion into what could technically be considered as “his” family, (as he donated the sperm that was used to conceive both children), but Bening maintained that since she put in all the grunt work to build the family, his unexpected presence and pride in his children’s successes is unfair. And when Moore’s character isn’t as upset by Ruffalo’s involvement in the family as Bening is, the rift is widened.
The Kids Are All Right is the kind of movie that turns out to be something that you didn’t think it was, which is something sentimental and soft and emotional. It studies the complexities of relationships in an artful way, and it makes you feel like the family at stake could one day be your own. -Hannah Lawrence
Greenberg
If it’d been released during Oscar season instead of the wasteland that is spring, Greenberg might’ve garnered the attention it deserved. Either way, Noah Baumbach’s funny, poignant meditation on midlife -- both its crises and ennui -- is fascinating to watch. And while Baumbach deserves credit for his usual droll, hyperliterate sensibilities, the movie would really suffer without Ben Stiller in the title role. Taking a welcome breather from broad comedy, Stiller reminds us that he has depth as an actor, and the performance he gives -- at times sad and others somewhat self-parodying -- is nothing short of amazing. It greatly helps offset Baumbach’s tendency to make his movies feel exclusive and unrelatable. -Brian Marder
The Town
In The Town, Ben Affleck plays Doug MacRay, a bank robber who fights to stay one step ahead of everybody: the FBI who wants to lock him up for his career in heisting, the woman (Claire, played by Rebecca Hall) he met during a bank robbery and subsequently fell in love with (who also doesn't know he was the one who took her as his hostage), and his fellow bank-robbing friends who want to kill Claire because her involvement with Doug could bring down the whole group. Doug is at the center of everything bad, but he's a character that interestingly enough, still manages to be the good guy.
Aside from the movie's basis in one man's conflict of interest, it's noted for being Affleck's second shot at directing, and like many other movies this year, for taking place in Boston. Outstanding performances were delivered by Jeremy Renner, who played a member of Affleck's crew, Hall, and particularly Affleck, who also wrote the screenplay. -Hannah Lawrence
Check out Our Top Films of 2011!
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S2:E9 I’m not sure how many times I can say “Guys, Community is so awesome,” but guys, Community is so awesome. I’m beginning to think I may sound a bit like a proud parent or maybe just a proud aunt, constantly touting the show’s successes, no matter how small, and finding the good in (almost) everything. It’s true, I love this show unconditionally, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that the creators have got the art of pop-culture parody down to a science. The “Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design” episode is a departure from the outlandish, grand zombie- space-simulator-Betty White fueled romps and a return to the formula that the show perfected back in season one. The show also keeps the childish wonder and the ensuing hilarity that Donald Glover’s Troy brings to it with a subplot in which he and Abed create a blanket-fort city that takes over an entire dorm. Say what you will about relying on formula, but Community’s formula is 100 percent its own and when it comes to this stuff, nobody does it better.
The episode opens on the study room where Annie’s got another diorama and Shirley’s got a quip about how her kids don’t do nearly as many dioramas as they do at Greendale. Someone needed to say it, we were all thinking it; after all this is the third cold open featuring a diorama. Are they in preschool? Britta turns down an invite from Abed and Troy because she’s too mature for their blanket-fort slumber party. What is she on? That sounds awesome. The Dean interrupts the group …again…this is starting to become a regular occurrence and I’m kind of starting to get tired of it. The Office can’t have Dwight with nun chucks in every cold open, and Community should stop overusing the Dean’s obnoxiousness as well (the good thing is that his involvement does eventually pay off...this time). It turns out that Jeff completely made up his own Independent Study course and instructor -- Professor Professorson. Jeff wants to keep his ruse going and says he’ll introduce the Dean to this Professorson guy.
Jeff leads Annie and the Dean to a supply closet and suddenly panics. Clearly, because his course is about conspiracy theories, Professor Professorson set the whole thing up to teach him a lesson. Just when Annie rolls her eyes (and reads my mind) and tells Jeff she’s not that stupid, a man walks around the corner and introduces himself as Professor Professorson. Despite never encountering the Dean, Professorson has his papers in order, brandishing his faculty I.D. as his cell phone rings with “DUH-DUH-DUH!” Get it? Because he’s so mysterious and creepy and doesn’t seem to exist? Just when Annie apologizes for doubting him, Jeff admits that he made up Professor Professorson and he has no idea who that man was. Annie is naturally concerned, but Jeff is oddly stoked (with a seriously creepy smile on his face). Annie is outraged that Jeff wants to blow off this odd coincidence and takes a moment to remind us all why we love her character as she “blows off” walking, then standing, then “speaking language” and writhes on the floor speaking in baby tongues. That girl is absolutely crazy and I love it.
Back in Abed’s dorm, the blanket-fort is complete but Troy thinks they might be too big for it. Solution? More pillows, higher ceilings: a pillow fort for MEN. Can I please be friends with these guys in real life? One of Abed’s nerdy friends interrupts their fort fest, and they pop their heads out long enough to hear his plea to join in the fun. But this is no child’s play, Abed and Troy very seriously insist that the new guy combine his blanket forces with theirs in order to participate. That’s how you make a man-fort.
Jeff runs into Annie in the library and she’s working her hardest to “Nancy Screw” Jeff out of his free class. (I have to admit I got way too much joy out of that Nancy Drew reference.) She’s done some sleuthing and she found that the mysterious Professor is actually Professor Wooley and does work at night school. But, he already had the Professorson I.D. so there is still a conspiracy at hand – and Jeff realizes he may actually have to do work for his fake class after all. Just then, Annie can’t start her diorama car, which is always the first sign of trouble in a conspiracy theory movie. Then, Jeff gets a call from an altered voice who warns him to keep his little friend away from night school. Jeff tackles Annie just as the toy car explodes…with tiny, little sparks. Tackle: unnecessary. He just wanted to get closer to Annie’s boobs, didn’t he?
Back in the dorm, Abed and Troy’s blanket fort has acquired more troops and fuzzy blankets and now extends through the halls. Jeff and Annie infiltrate night school to solve the mystery but when they get a hold of the class list, each listing is fake – classes like “Class 101” and “Learning!” They spot Professorson (or Wooley) and ask to audit his math class, but he darts down the hall, eventually finding his way to Abed and Troy’s fort which has become its own underground city with rules (no farting – a classic fort rule) and museums and districts and permits? Oh my. Troy and Abed lead Jeff and Annie through the blanket city to the Turkish district where they see Britta (not too big for forts now, eh?) before catching Wooley.
He takes them to a room full of papers and fax machines and tells them that night school isn’t real, he made it up. He started out like Jeff with just one fake class, and then he got so wrapped up in the lie he had to create other professors and students and classes until he had an entire school. Jeff feels something familiar, like someone is trying to teach him something – but he’s not just being cheesy, he’s onto something. Wooley keeps talking about unicorns and time-desks, and Jeff recognizes the Dean’s words. Plus, on the way over, Jeff passed the drama department, where he saw Wooley’s real name and title as head of the department. This sets Jeff off, he’s ready to show the Dean that Jeff Winger never learns.
Annie and Jeff hatch a plan using fake guns. They invite the Dean to the library where they’re holding “Professor Wooley” and turn him in to the Dean for fraud. Annie shoots Wooley with the fake gun saying he broke the rules, and the Dean pulls out a gun and shoots Annie. Jeff can’t believe the Dean shot Annie with a real gun, so he pulls out a gun and shoots the dean. Are you still with me? Annie immediately springs up, demanding an explanation. She says that she and the Dean worked together the whole time to teach Jeff a lesson – another layer of conspiracy, but wait there’s more. The Dean gets up – Jeff’s gun was also fake, just way more high-tech – and the plot thickens. It turns out Jeff realized the Dean was too dumb to plot against him so he called the Dean and asked for help to teach Annie a lesson about trust and friendship. But whoa, now Annie’s got a gun – but there were only three prop guns. Annie goes all crazy jilted lover on Jeff and shoots him three times, causing the Dean to switch teams again. With that, Jeff jumps up and they reveal the real plan (at least I hope) which was to show the Dean that he can’t keep switching allegiances or he’s not participating in a plot, he’s just doing “random crap.” There are some terrible conspiracy movies out there that could learn from this. But wait, there’s more. Really? Yes, really. A cop walks in and shoots the drama professor in the chest with a shotgun. But once again it’s just another plot to teach a lesson – this time about misusing prop guns. Okay, my head hurts now. Can we go back to Troy and Abed’s tent village?
That’s exactly what they do. Annie and Jeff continue their sexual tension and Abed receives news from the outside world. His fort hit the front page of the Greendale newspaper. With the news that they’ve gone mainstream, they have no other choice but to follow protocol – which apparently means destroying the fort village. Are you still going to try to say that forts are just for kids? (Okay they are, but that was awesome.)
Troy and Abed sign off by playing a word game making fun of pretty much every action movie ever. Of course this makes Troy think they should write a screenplay together. Ha, that I’d like to see.

The Toronto International Film Festival has an impressive slate of films lined up for its 35th anniversary. The Canadian film festival will host 25 World Premieres, 15 Gala Premiers and 35 Special Presentations films from a multitude of acclaimed and upcoming directors. The most anticipated films to debut at the festival include Darren Aronofsky’s followup to The Wrestler, the stately-looking Black Swan, and Mark Romanek’s adaptation of bestseller Never Let Me Go, starring new Spider-Man Andrew Garfield. Robert Redford’s Lincoln assassination drama The Conspirator and John Cameron Mitchell’s tearjerker Rabbit Hole, and Alejandro González Iñárritu’s perplexing Biutiful are also generating some interest and buzz. Less promising features include Stone, a thriller so generic that Ed Norton's cornrows look like the most interesting thing about it, and Trust, David Schwimmer's melodramatic internet predator panic piece. But don't quote us on that, film festivals are always full of unexpected surprises, and you can never be sure what's going to become a hit.
The Toronto Film Festival will take place from September 9-19th. For a full summary of the films appearing in the festival, check out the official list below.
Galas
The Bang Bang Club. Steven Silver, Canada/South Africa World Premiere The Bang Bang Club was the name given to four young photographers, Greg Marinovich, Kevin Carter, Ken Oosterbroek and Joao Silva, whose photographs captured the final bloody days of white rule in South Africa and the final demise of apartheid. The film tells the remarkable and sometimes harrowing story of these young men – and the extraordinary extremes they went to in order to capture their pictures. The film stars Ryan Phillippe, Malin Akerman, Taylor Kitsch, Neels Van Jaarsveld and Frank Rautenbach.
Barney's Version Richard J. Lewis, Canada/Italy North American Premiere From producer Robert Lantos, Barney’s Version is a film based on Mordecai Richler's prize-winning comic novel. Barney Panofsky (Paul Giamatti) is a seemingly ordinary man who lives an extraordinary life. Barney?s candid confessional spans four decades and two continents, and includes three wives (Rosamund Pike, Minnie Driver and Rachelle Lefevre), one outrageous father (Dustin Hoffman) and a charmingly dissolute best friend (Scott Speedman).
Black Swan Darren Aronofsky, USA North American Premiere A psychological thriller set in the world of New York City ballet, Black Swan stars Natalie Portman as Nina, a featured dancer who finds herself locked in a web of competitive intrigue with a new rival at the company. Black Swan takes a thrilling and at times terrifying journey through the psyche of a young ballerina whose starring role as the duplicitous swan queen turns out to be a part for which she becomes frighteningly perfect. Black Swan also stars Vincent Cassel, Mila Kunis, Barbara Hershey and Winona Ryder.
Casino Jack George Hickenlooper, Canada World Premiere Based on a true story, Kevin Spacey stars as Jack Abramoff, the former high-powered lobbyist whose bribery schemes and fraudulent dealings with Indian casinos ultimately landed him in prison, and stunned the world. It remains the biggest scandal to hit Washington, D.C. since Watergate. The film also stars Barry Pepper, Kelly Preston, Rachelle Lefevre and Jon Lovitz.
The Conspirator Robert Redford, USA World Premiere While an angry nation seeks vengeance, a young union war hero must defend a mother accused of aiding her son in the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln. Directed by Robert Redford, the film stars James McAvoy, Robin Wright, Kevin Kline, Evan Rachel Wood and Tom Wilkinson.
The Debt John Madden, USA North American Premiere Helen Mirren, Jessica Chastain and Sam Worthington star in this thriller about three Israeli Mossad agents on a 1965 mission to capture a notorious Nazi war criminal. Thirty years later, secrets about the case emerge.
The Housemaid Im Sang-Soo, South Korea North American Premiere In this erotic thriller, the housemaid of an upper-class family becomes entangled in a dangerous tryst. A satirical look at class structure, reminiscent of the work of Claude Chabrol, this sexy soap opera is a story of revenge and retribution.
Janie Jones David M. Rosenthal, USA World Premiere Aspiring recording artist Ethan Brand gets a stunning surprise on the opening night of a tour – a strung out former groupie appears unexpectedly, pleading with him to care for their daughter while she pulls herself together. Enter Janie Jones.
The King's Speech Tom Hooper, United Kingdom/Australia North American Premiere The King's Speech tells the story of the man who would become King George VI, the father of the current Queen, Elizabeth II. After his brother abdicates, George „Bertie? VI (Colin Firth) reluctantly assumes the throne. Plagued by a dreaded nervous stammer and considered unfit to be King, Bertie engages the help of an unorthodox speech therapist named Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). Through a set of unexpected techniques, and as a result of an unlikely friendship, Bertie is able to find his voice and boldly lead the country into war.
Little White Lies Guillaume Canet, France World Premiere Despite a traumatic event, a group of friends decides to go ahead with their annual beach vacation. Their relationships, convictions, sense of guilt and friendship are sorely tested. They are finally forced to own up to the little white lies they have been telling each other. Directed by Guillaume Canet and starring: François Cluzet, Marion Cotillard, Benoît Magimel, Gilles Lellouche, Jean Dujardin, Laurent Lafitte, Valérie Bonneton and Pascale Arbillot.
Peep World Barry Blaustein, USA World Premiere On the day of their father?s 70th birthday party, four siblings come to terms with the publication of a novel written by the youngest sibling that exposes the family?s most intimate secrets. The project's available for distribution, and stars Michael C. Hall, Sarah Silverman, Rainn Wilson, Ben Schwartz, Judy Greer, Kate Mara, Taraji Henson and Ron Rifkin.
Potiche François Ozon, France North American Premiere A bourgeois housewife (Catherine Deneuve) takes on a rough union leader (Gerard Depardieu) in François Ozon's sparkling comic war between the sexes, and the classes.
The Town Ben Affleck, USA North American Premiere The Town is a dramatic thriller about robbers and cops, friendship and betrayal, love and hope, and escaping a past that has no future. In the Boston neighbourhood of Charlestown, Doug MacCray is the leader of a crew of ruthless bank robbers. But everything changed on the gang?s last job when they took bank manager Claire Keesey hostage. Questioning what she saw, Doug seeks out Claire. As their relationship deepens, Doug wants out of this life and the town, but now he must choose whether to betray his friends or lose the woman he loves.
The Way Emilio Estevez, USA World Premiere Martin Sheen plays Tom, an American doctor who comes to St. Jean Pied de Port, France to collect the remains of his adult son, killed in the Pyrenees in a storm while walking The Camino de Santiago. Driven by his profound sadness and desire to understand his son better, Tom decides to embark on the historical pilgrimage. Along the way he learns what it means to be a citizen of the world again and discovers the difference between “The life we live and the life we choose.”
West is West Andy De Emmony, United Kingdom World Premiere Manchester, Northern England, 1976. The now much-diminished, but still claustrophobic and dysfunctional, Khan family continues to struggle for survival. Sajid, the youngest Khan, is under heavy assault both from his father's tyrannical insistence on Pakistani tradition, and from the fierce bullies in the schoolyard. His father decides to pack him off to Mrs. Khan No 1 and family in the Punjab, the wife and daughters he had abandoned 30 years earlier. The sequel to East is East, West is West is the coming of age story of both 15-year-old Sajid and of his father, 60-year-old George Khan.
Special Presentations
Another Year Mike Leigh, United Kingdom North American Premiere A happily married, middle-aged couple are visited by a number of unhappy and lonely friends who use them as confidantes. When an unmarried friend falls for their young son, they watch as events unfold. The film stars Jim Broadbent, Lesley Manville, Ruth Sheen, Peter Wight, Oliver Maltman, David Bradley, Karina Fernandez and Martin Savage.
Beginners Mike Mills, USA World Premiere When his 71-year-old father (Christopher Plummer) comes out of the closet, Oliver (Ewan McGregor) must explore the honesty of his own relationships. From the director of Thumbsucker.
The Big Picture Eric Lartigau, France World Premiere Paul Exben is a success story. He has a great job, a glamorous wife and two wonderful sons, except that this is not the life he has been dreaming of. A moment of madness is going to change his life, forcing him to assume a new identity that will enable him to live his life fully. The Big Picture, an adaptation of the novel by Douglas Kennedy, is directed by Eric Lartigau and stars Romain Duris, Marina Foïs, Niels Arestrup and Catherine Deneuve. It is produced by Pierre-Ange Le Pogam.
Biutiful Alejandro González Iñárritu, Spain/Mexico North American Premiere This is a story of a man in free fall. On the road to redemption, darkness lights his way. Connected with the afterlife, Uxbal is a tragic hero and father of two who's sensing the danger of death. He struggles with a tainted reality and a fate that works against him in order to forgive, for love, and forever. The film stars Javier Bardem.
Blue Valentine Derek Cianfrance, USA Canadian Premiere Blue Valentine is the story of love found and love lost, told in past and present moments in time. Flooded with romantic memories of their courtship, Dean and Cindy use one night to try and save their failing marriage. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams star in this honest portrait of a relationship on the rocks.
Brighton Rock Rowan Joffe, United Kingdom World Premiere Based on Graham Greene's 1938 novel, we follow the odd relationship between a young thug on the rise in the British underground and a tea room waitress who witnesses a crime he has committed.
Buried Rodrigo Cortés, Spain/USA Canadian Premiere When Paul Conroy (Ryan Reynolds) wakes up six feet underground with no idea who put him there or why, life for the truck driver and family man instantly becomes a hellish struggle for survival. Buried with only a cell phone and a lighter, poor reception, a rapidly draining battery and a dwindling oxygen supply become his worst enemies in a tightly confined race against time.
Conviction Tony Goldwyn, USA World Premiere Conviction is the inspirational true story of a sister?s unwavering devotion to her brother. When Betty Anne Waters? (two-time Academy® Award winner Hilary Swank) older brother Kenny (Sam Rockwell) is arrested for murder and sentenced to life in 1983, Betty Anne, a Massachusetts wife and mother of two, dedicates her life to overturning the murder conviction.
Cirkus Columbia Danis Tanovic, Bosnia and Herzegovina International Premiere After twenty years of exile, a husband returns to his hometown in Herzegovina to settle some scores with his ex-wife, armed with a new Mercedes, a sexy new girlfriend and a mangy black cat.
Dhobi Ghat Kiran Rao, India World Premiere In the teeming metropolis of Mumbai, four people separated by class and language are drawn together in compelling relationships. Shai, an affluent investment banker on a sabbatical, strikes up an unusual friendship with Munna, a young and beautiful laundry boy with ambitions of being a Bollywood actor, and has a brief dalliance with Arun, a gifted painter. As they slip away from familiar moorings and drift closer together, the city finds its way into the crevices of their inner worlds.
Easy A Will Gluck, USA World Premiere After a little white lie about losing her virginity gets out, a clean-cut high school girl (Emma Stone) sees her life paralleling Hester Prynne?s in The Scarlet Letter, which she is currently studying in school – until she decides to use the rumour mill to advance her social and financial standing.
Henry's Crime Malcolm Venville, USA World Premiere After serving three years in prison for a bank robbery he did not commit, an amiable but aimless man decides to rob the bank for real. His plan involves infiltrating a local theatre company, but his scheme gets complicated when he falls for the company?s lead actress. The film stars Keanu Reeves, Vera Farmiga, James Caan, Fisher Stevens, Peter Stormare, Danny Hoch and Bill Duke.
The Illusionist Sylvain Chomet, United Kingdom North American Premiere From the director of The Triplets Of Belleville comes a film of grace and unique beauty. Working from a never-produced script written by Jacques Tati for his daughter, Chomet tells the story of a magician who was pushed aside by rock and roll, yet finds one young girl who appreciates his magic. The film stars Jean-Claude Donda and Eilidh Rankin.
In A Better World Susanne Bier, Denmark/Sweden International Premiere The story traces elements from a refugee camp in Africa to the grey humdrum of everyday life in a Danish provincial town. The lives of two Danish families cross each other, and an extraordinary but risky friendship comes into bud. But loneliness, frailty and sorrow lie in wait. Soon, friendship transforms into a dangerous alliance and a breathtaking pursuit in which life is at stake.
I Saw the Devil Kim Jee-woon, South Korea North American Premiere A hard-boiled thriller from Korean master Kim Jee-woon, I Saw the Devil is a tale of bloody vengeance against a dangerous psychopath who has committed a gruesome series of murders.
It's Kind of a Funny Story Ryan Fleck, Anna Boden, USA World Premiere Stressed-out teenager Craig checks himself into a mental health clinic – where he finds himself in the adult ward. Sustained by friendships on both the inside and the outside, Craig learns more about life, love and the pressures of growing up. The comedy-drama stars Keir Gilchrist, Emma Roberts and Zach Galifianakis.
Jack Goes Boating Philip Seymour Hoffman, USA International Premiere Adapted from Bob Glaudini's acclaimed Off Broadway play, Jack Goes Boating is a tale of love, betrayal, friendship and grace centered around two working-class New York City couples. The film stars John Ortiz, Daphne Rubin-Vega, Amy Ryan and Philip Seymour Hoffman, with Hoffman making his feature directorial debut.
L'Amour Fou Pierre Thoretton, France World Premiere Yves Saint Laurent built one of fashion's most celebrated empires. This moving documentary chronicles his rise, his lifelong partnership with Pierre Bergé and their decision to auction off a lifetime of precious art and objects.
The Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen Andrew Lau, Hong Kong North American Premiere In 1920s Shanghai, hero Chen Zhen single-handedly avenges his mentor?s death by killing all the Japanese at a dojo in Hongkou, only to be showered with bullets while making his legendary flying kick. Now, years later, Chen Zhen, who is believed dead, returns in disguise to infiltrate a criminal empire and to dismantle the evil collusion that plagues the country.
Lope Andrucha Waddington, Brazil/Spain World Premiere Andrucha Waddington brings famed Spanish playwright Lope de Vega?s passionate life to the screen. The young poet returns to Madrid from war and gets his foot in the door of Madrid's most important theatre troupe – quickly charming his boss's daughter. His childhood friend, Isabel de Urbina, also falls under the spell of his poems. So much seduction eventually brings misfortune and he must flee Madrid.
Love Crime Alain Corneau, France International Premiere Dangerous Liaisons meets Working Girl in this deliciously caustic tale of office politics. Starring Kristin Scott Thomas and Ludivine Sagnier as mentor and ingénue, Love Crime is a remorseless clash of two competing egos.
Made in Dagenham Nigel Cole, United Kingdom World Premiere Sally Hawkins stars as Rita O?Grady, the catalyst for the 1968 Ford Dagenham strike by 187 sewing machinists which led to the advent of the Equal Party Act. Working in extremely impoverished conditions for long, arduous hours, the women at the Ford Dagenham plant finally lose their patience when they are reclassified as “unskilled.” With humour, common sense and courage, they take on their corporate paymasters, an increasingly belligerent local community, and finally the government itself. The film also stars Bob Hoskins, Miranda Richardson, Geraldine James and Rosamund Pike.
Miral Julian Schnabel, United Kingdom/Israel/France North American Premiere From the director of The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Before Night Falls and Basquiat, comes Miral, the visceral, first-person diary of a young girl growing up in East Jerusalem as she confronts the effects of occupation and war in every corner of her life. Schnabel pieces together momentary fragments of Miral's world – how she was formed, who influenced her, all that she experiences in her tumultuous early years – to create a raw, moving, poetic portrait of a woman whose small, personal story is inextricably woven into the bigger history unfolding all around her.
Never Let Me Go Mark Romanek, United Kingdom World Premiere Kathy (Carey Mulligan), Tommy (Andrew Garfield) and Ruth (Keira Knightley) spent their childhood at a seemingly idyllic boarding school. When they leave the shelter of the school, the terrible truth of their fate is revealed and they must confront the deep feelings of love, jealousy and betrayal that threaten to pull them apart.
Norwegian Wood Tran Anh Hung, Japan North American Premiere Adapted from Haruki Murakami's bestselling novel. Watanabe, a quiet and serious college student, becomes deeply devoted to Naoko, a beautiful and introspective young woman with whom he shares the tragedy of their best friend?s death. When Naoko suddenly disappears, Midori, an outgoing, vivacious and supremely self-confident girl marches into Watanabe's life. The film stars Kenichi Matsuyama, Rinko Kikuchi and Kiko Mizuhara.
Outside the Law Rachid Bouchareb, France/Algeria/Tunisia/Italy/Belgium North American Premiere Bouchareb's follow-up to Days of Glory is an epic French gangster movie in the tradition of Once Upon a Time in America. The film follows three brothers from childhood in Algeria through turbulent years in Paris, as their paths diverge towards radical politics and violent crime.
Rabbit Hole John Cameron Mitchell, USA World Premiere A family navigates the deepest form of loss in John Cameron Mitchell's screen adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize winning play by David Lindsay-Abaire. Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart deliver captivating performances as a husband and wife who fight to save their marriage in the life that begins again after tragedy.
A Screaming Man Mahamat-Saleh Haroun, France/Belgium/Chad North American Premiere One of Africa's preeminent film artists, Haroun returns to themes of family and loyalty in war-torn Chad. A father and son work together at the pool of five-star hotel, but the civil war forces life-and-death choices upon them.
Stone John Curran, USA World Premiere. Robert De Niro and Edward Norton deliver powerful performances as a seasoned corrections official and a scheming inmate whose lives become dangerously intertwined. Stone weaves together the parallel journeys of two men grappling with dark impulses, as the line between lawman and lawbreaker becomes precariously thin. The film also stars Milla Jovovich and Frances Conroy.
Submarine Richard Ayoade, United Kingdom World Premiere British comic Richard Ayoade delivers his hotly-anticipated feature debut Submarine. One boy must fight to save his mother from the advances of a mystic, and simultaneously lure his eczema-strafed girlfriend in to the bedroom, armed with only a vast vocabulary and near-total self-belief. His name is Oliver Tate.
That Girl in Yellow Boots Anurag Kashyap, India North American Premiere Ruth is searching for her father – a man she hardly knew but cannot forget. Desperation drives her to work without a permit, at a massage parlour, where she gives "happy endings? to unfulfilled men. Torn between several schisms, Mumbai becomes the backdrop for Ruth's quest as she struggles to find her independence and space even as she is sucked deeper into the labyrinthine politics of the city's underbelly.
Tamara Drewe Stephen Frears, United Kingdom North American Premiere Based on Posy Simmonds? beloved graphic novel. When Tamara Drewe returns to the village of her youth, life for the locals is thrown upside down. Tamara – once an ugly duckling – has been transformed and is now a minor celebrity. As infatuations, jealousies, love affairs and career ambitions collide among the inhabitants of the neighbouring farmsteads, Tamara sets a contemporary comedy of manners into play.
The Trip Michael Winterbottom, United Kingdom World Premiere Follow two good friends in this hilarious road movie as they embark on a tour of the Lake District and the Yorkshire Dales of Northern England, eating, chatting and driving each other crazy. The film stars Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon.
Trust David Schwimmer, USA World Premiere Safe and sound in their suburban home, Will and Lynn Cameron (Clive Owen and Catherine Keener) used to sleep well at night. When their 14-year-old daughter, Annie, made a new friend on-line – a 16-year-old boy named Charlie – Will and Lynn didn?t think much of it. But when Annie and Charlie make a plan to meet what happens in the next twenty-four hours changes the entire family forever. Charlie is really a 40-year-old serial pedophile (Tom McCarthy) and, once Annie?s rape comes to light, it becomes a touchstone event that reverberates through the entire family.
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger Woody Allen, United Kingdom/USA/Spain North American Premiere Woody Allen's latest comic ensemble piece follows a group of Londoners struggling with failing marriages, restless libidos, the perils of aging and desires that drive a series of decisions with unforeseen consequences. The film stars Antonio Banderas, Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Gemma Jones, Lucy Punch and Naomi Watts.
Source: IndieWire

Top Chef: D.C. Recap: 'Chicken Run'
S7:E2: This episode we know more going in. We know who to hate and who to like. The morning-after interviews and pre-challenge passive-aggressive small talk around the house gets old fast. TWO interesting things to mention here. Firstly, they showed the contestants smoking cigarettes for the first time I can remember! Secondly, the scene wherein Andrea makes breakfast using absolutely massive amounts of butter and elicits disgusted, open-mouth stares from the others was hi-larious. She was all “Dude I like butter.” It was weird and great to see the more human side of these guys (I guess butter and cigarettes are relatable?).
QUICK FIRE:
Losing absolutely no time, Bravo drags out White House Assistant Chef Sam Kass before the contestants, parading their trophy bought with fame and mass circulation. This man’s hands feed your Obama. When the big man hankers for chicken nuggets, this is the guy who plops them in the fryer! We were all very impressed. Padma (inexplicably dressed in South Beach pink satin) indignantly explained that elegant, complex puns are an integral part of the reality show mythos and if one cannot keep oneself from pulling faces at every witty turn of phrase we are going to have a problem thank you very much. And with reserved indignation and narrowed eyes she announced the Quick fire Challenge: The Bipartisandwich. Silence.
The challenge was to make a delicious sandwich whilst inserted into an apron connected to another chef. Only one hand was to be used from each body to cook, meaning slicing and cutting was to involve one man holding and the other wielding the knife. This setup caused some measure of anxiety from Alex the Tan Russian as he was expected to hold sandwich meats in place while Timmy Dean stabbed wildly at the space containing the meat slab screaming “I WON’T CUT YOU. HOLD STILL. DO NOT PANIC. I HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL”.
Jacqueline interviews that she is making chicken. A dark cloud passes overhead and somewhere a dog barks.
Kenny the Kool Kid is making a seared tuna sandwich with fruit bits. It’s clear at this point that he considers himself a black, bald, and more beautiful Jason Bourne.
Angelo is paired with Plump Tracey who confesses an ardent admiration for his graceful bone structure and lean sinewy body – in a sexual way, that is. She gurgles through the challenge, relying on Angelo’s experience as owner of a sandwich shop in New York. Angelo ends up winning the challenge for them with an Asian fish sandwich doused in what he called “liquid sex”. Tracey faints. Kenny flexes. Jacqueline whips up some chicken. Top Chef DC is just getting warmed up.
ELIMINATION CHALLENGE:
The Elimination Challenge was the school lunch challenge from most other seasons, though we were reminded of the D.C. location once again by a tangential connection to Michelle Obama’s Move It! Program for tiny fat kids. The contestants were admonished to make their meals healthy and were given a budget of 160 dollars per meal (about $2.60 per child). Arnold Mynt very insensitively comments that he spends more than 160 dollars on his own meals. Goddamn hipsters (just kidding he’s from Tennessee).
Angelo and Tracey were given immunity as reward for their fish sandwich, meaning they were a liability to the couple they paired up with. Angelo ended up picking Kenny to be in his group. This made Kenny furious.
Other groups were Arnold, Kelly (who?), and others, who decided to make carnitas tacos. This worked well in principle, however Kelly kept reminding the others that the pork carnitas was her dish and that she was responsible for it and that Arnold could keep his sneaky fingers off her pork. Arnold considered this extremely unfair, probably because he had only made a salsa (he was confused by poor people food). At the last minute he changed the name of his dish to a salad and called it a day.
Jacqueline’s team made chicken. I shit you not. Chicken is her life-water, her raison d'être. Chicken completes her. I suspect she is a plant from the League of Associated Chicken Distributors. But actually Amanda made the physical chicken, broiling it with sherry wine and then removing the skin to reveal a shiny, slimy, piece of gray meat. Jacqueline beams! Meanwhile she hurriedly dumps two pounds of sugar into her banana pudding and runs back to stare lovingly at the chicken.
Angelo and Kenny’s team decide to make chicken burgers, bread puddings and yam puree. In a transparent play to throw the challenge a bit and get Kenny kicked off, Angelo concocts a severe, imposing sculpture using celery and peanut butter mousse which kids will be confused by and is actually unhealthy as pointed out by Amanda in a fit of fiery anger.
K-Sbrags and Timmy Dean plus Tan Russian Alex make BBQ chicken with melon on a stick. Best of all, K-Sbrags gets kids to eat yogurt by pumping air into it and making it fluffy like whipped cream. FOOLS.
JUDGES TABLE:
So what happened?! Kelly won for her pork carnitas. Anthony Mynt pouted. Kelly has the extremely obnoxious air of a girl who is really a tough bitch but sees herself as a sweet Pollyanna-Audrey Hepburn.
But what happened to the losers?? There were clearly two losing dishes: Jacqueline’s propagandist chicken project which was soaked in alcohol and served to children, and Angelo’s team’s failure to include proper vegetables in their meal. Under the pressure of the bright lights, a random white guy on Jacqueline’s team cracked and started screaming hysterically about Kenny’s lack of initiative in putting vegetables on the plate, pointing fingers and waving madly about. As he fell, foaming at the mouth and rolling on the floor, Kenny calmly stepped over his body and coolly explained that he had put tomato on the burger. To which Sam Kass was all “Oh Bitch PLEASE, tomatoes are a fruit”. To which Kenny SHOULD have replied, “Actually Smug-Ass-Kass, the Supreme Court has declared tomatoes a vegetable for taxing and tariff purposes and if its good enough for the judicial branch of this great government it should be good enough for you. SOCIALIST.”
However, in the end, it was the chicken that lost out. Tom, ever the sophisticate, deemed it a turd. Jacqueline was sent home for her chicken. WAIT, actually it was for the 900-calorie banana pudding, but from the proud glint in her eye as she slowly marched down the hall and out the door, it was clear that she would have gone home for her chicken ten times over.