It's a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.mostly silly, with a 20% chance of science

Monday, October 4, 2010

Staycation Proclamation!

WHEREAS Cath@VWXYNot?, author of an independent weblog at http://vwxynot.blogspot.com ("The Blogger"), has somehow managed to use less 2010 vacation time than she thought, and has more unused days remaining than she is allowed to roll over into 2011; and

WHEREAS The Blogger has only ever had three (3) weekdays off work (not including sick days) that were spent at home, rather than on either domestic or international trips, during her almost nine (9) years of residence in the city of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada ("Vancouver"); and

WHEREAS on weekends, the most attractive parts of Vancouver (see Exhibits, attached) are teeming with People Who Do Not Know How To Walk/Jog/Cycle/Rollerblade In Crowds Without Impeding The Progress of Others ("Fuckwits"); and

WHEREAS The Blogger lacks the patience to deal with said Fuckwits in large numbers; and

WHEREAS on weekends, The Blogger therefore tends to avoid visiting the most attractive parts of Vancouver; and

WHEREAS The Blogger has ideas for several interesting writing projects, but can not summon up the requisite mental energy while working full time in a writing-based job, at least not when the weekends are warm and sunny; and

WHEREAS the 2010 Vancouver-Whistler Olympic Winter Games ("The Party Of The Century") brought the entire Vancouver movie industry to a standstill for three months in the winter and spring of this year (a situation hereby declared "Totally Worth It"); and

WHEREAS The Blogger and her Husband ("Mr E Man") therefore have no (0) money at this time and can not afford a) to fly anywhere exotic, or b) let Mr E Man take any more time off work this year:

NOW, THEREFORE, it has been agreed that The Blogger shall be released from her place of employment for a period of one (1) week in mid-November 2010, during which time she shall (mostly) stay within the limits of the Vancouver city boundaries ("Staycation"). The activities that shall fall under this Staycation Agreement may include, but not be limited to, the following:

Visiting the Vancouver attractions listed in the attached Exhibits while they are (relatively) free of Fuckwits;

Hanging out in coffee bars in the most fun parts of town (which may include, but not be limited to, Kitsilano, Main Street, Commercial Drive, and Granville Island) with a MacBook and an Americano, pretending to be A Writer;

Catching up on sleep;

Cooking some delicious dinners;

Getting to be the one still sitting on the sofa looking cozy with a cup of tea, a fleece blanky, and a kitty cat or two when Mr E Man has to go out into the dark and the rain to go to work (the converse of the situation during The Party Of The Century, and also last week, this week, and possibly for the next two or three weeks while Mr E Man is Between Movies);

Spending time with friends and/or sisters-in-law who do not work standard weekday 9am - 5pm (PST) hours, possibly including a visit to a spa for a massage, to be followed by a cocktail hour. Or two.

So there.

Right, just this work trip to get through (this post is scheduled to publish while The Blogger is at Vancouver International Airport at Stupid O'Clock (PST) on a Monday morning, looking bleary eyed and attempting to make intelligent conversation with her boss and assorted other colleagues), then six more weeks of grants, manuscripts, progress reports, ethics applications, and (how did you guess?) MTAs and collaborative research agreements, and then The Blogger is FREE! FREE! FREE!

(for a week).

NOW, THEREFORE, YAY!

________________________________
Exhibit A: Stanley Park Seawall. The Blogger has given up all attempts to cycle or rollerblade around this attractive pathway on weekends due to being almost knocked into the water on multiple occasions by Fuckwits stopping dead in front of her for no apparent reason. On one such occasion she was forced to rollerblade rather painfully into a metal fence in order to avoid this fate, and obtained some rather spectacular bruises as a result. The Blogger used to take a detour on her ride home from work to enjoy this route on certain weekday evenings in summer, but since subsequently moving away from her original neighbourhood of Kitsilano this option is no longer practicable. (This Staycation Activity is weather-dependent).

Exhibit B: Granville Island Public Market. Known for its delicious fresh local produce, delicious fresh hot food and beverages, and large roving packs of Fuckwits on weekends.

Exhibit C: Vancouver Art Gallery. The Blogger has never visited for reasons that she can not satisfactorily explain. (She did try during The Party Of The Century, when entry was free, but it was far too busy and full of elite international Fuckwits).

13 comments:

You are sooooo hilarious! With 6 hectic weeks ahead as well, I predict I will also be ready for a staycation by Mid-november! I also predict that November is the perfect time to explore Stockholm's attractions without the numerous international Fuckwits - aka tourists :)

Awesome idea! I have considered this as well. I love the thought of visiting galleries, markets, etc, all during working hours. I would also consider: 1) the Art Gallery; 2) the Aquarium and 3) The Museum of Anthropology.

No wonder you earn your living as a writer. Your proclamation was very... proclamatively official. Vancouver seems to be a great place to visit. I was there for only a day for a meeting at the BC-CDC, but I would love to go back and visit more at leisure some day.

Yay! This blogger also still has to use up 8 vacation days - and that is AFTER taking a bunch to go to Toronto in a few weeks.

I went to Vancouver only once, but it was for a Keystone conference, so my free time was between 11 and 5 during the week, and everything was indeed nice and quiet. May also have had to do with the fact that it was the first week of February and the weather was undecided on whether it should rain or snow.

Ricardipus, with place of work in or about Toronto, Canada (hereinafter, "The Commenter") hereby represents and warrants that The Commenter and his associates (the "Parties") have no such accumulated vacation time. Therefore, there will be no parties for the Parties.

Unfortunately, the bit about "six more weeks of %*#$!ing grant applications" (slightly paraphrased from original post by The Blogger) is still in force over here, as well as in Vancouver and its immediate environs. Sigh.

Do spare a thought for your poor, deprived commenters while you're having your toes powdered, or your teeth waxed, or whatever it is one does in the spa.

First time I went to the Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden I nearly got mugged at Main and Hastings. I recommend the garden tour so you can have it explained to you why they didn't use glue. It is pretty cool. Granville island probably fits nicely into the goal of cooking nice food, always did for me. I can recommend Duso's stuffed pasta or butternut squash gnocci. Museum of Anthropology is also awesome, as is the Nitobe garden on UBC campus (take your staff card you may get in free if you have a UBC one).Don't know if the Art Gallery still does Fuse nights but they are cool (but busy) and the bonus of art + alcohol + music is worth it.Ah, may have just planned next years vacation (R's trying to arrange a research trip to UBC next year possibly, I may have to come and 'assist' him)Staycations are cool.

Hehe, yesterday I was daydreaming about Thomas arriving here and me taking off from work and explore Chch with him. Totally ready for a staycation too. Although a cheap flight to Fiji is also a possibility.

That sounds awfully nice, except for the cooking part. As far as I'm concerned cooking is work, but I understand there are some crazies out there that actually find this pleasurable and are sincerely upset by not having enough time to indulge this bizarre activity on a daily basis.

Having spent all our money in Paris just after Easter, the Inhabitants of the Maison Des Girrafes (henceforth 'we') had a staycation at home in Cromer. It was great.

I have a theory about fuckwits, though. I don't think they are as stupid as they seem. It's all a front. I think they are all members of a secret worldwide conspiracy called S. T. O. P., the Society for Tiresome and Obstructive Pedestrians, whose members might include (but are not limited to)

1. Little old ladies who, while they seem small, walk in such a way as to monopolize the whole sidewalk;

2. Italian teenagers who are ostensibly in UK studying in English, who hang around in shop doorways;

3. Ladies with prams who suddenly stop and gossip with each other.

And so on and so forth in like fashion. I hypothesize that S. T. O. P. is obscurely allied with S. C. U. M., the Society for Curmudgeonly and Uncooperative Motorists, whose members include men driving white vans, people towing caravans, boy racers and so on.

I'm back! The weather in San Diego was worse than in Vancouver, which confused me greatly.

Lisbeth, I hope you get the chance to explore a fuckwit-free Stockholm!

Mermaid, I'll let you know how it goes! (I'm actually a little scared that I'll like it so much that I won't want to work ever again). The aquarium and anthropology museum are great favourites of mine that are worth dealing with a few fuckwits. We always take visitors to at least one of the two, usually both, with a tour of Stanley Park thrown in with the aquarium! The art gallery is on my list for sure.

Alyssa, yay for staycations! Glad you enjoyed yours! Doing it in summer sounds like fun too - if I enjoy my winter staycation of museums and cosy cafes, maybe I'll try a summer one at some point and spend time in parks and on beaches!

Chall, I <3 Granville Island! When I lived in Kits I used to cycle there most weekends to buy my groceries and have a nice lunch out on the patio behind the public market, trying to avoid the food-stealing sea gulls! But as Mr E Man doesn't have a bike we tend not to go during the day much any more - too far to walk, the parking situation is dire, and the public transport situation is worse!

SUIRAUQA, I've just been spending a lot of time with our Technology Development Office people lately :)

One day is far too little time to spend in Vancouver, you should definitely try to come back!

Eva, February is definitely a quiet time - anyone who does come to visit is probably off skiing somewhere!

I hope all your Facebook buddies help you decide how to use that remaining time off! Let me know if you have any specific questions about York, my home town! (Well, I wasn't born there, but lived there from the age of 5 until I went off to Uni at 18).

ScientistMother, that's too bad. I'm going to do my best not to get sucked into that kind of thing. At least I won't feel obliged to weed the garden or anything like that in November!

The Commenter, I'm sure you can find alternative ways to help you through the grant hell (alternatives may include, but not be limited to, whisky, vodka, beer, and gin).

KJ, come back, come back! We can have more beer and nachos!

I'll keep my wits about me on my way to the Sun Yat-Sen gardens! It's scary down there... thanks for the tip about the tour, I'll definitely aim to get on one. I'm not UBC staff so I'd have to pay for the garden up on campus, but it's probably not that expensive - if the weather's nice I'll bike up there and build a workout into my trip!

Nina, shopping will depend on the state of our finances! Mr E Man is back at work now, starting today, so maybe things won't be as tight as I thought they would be. Not good for him to have 3 weeks off work in the same month we tell our tenant (one of Mr E Man's best friends) to put his rent money towards his divorce lawyer costs rather than paying it to us...

I hope you get your staycation or Fiji trip very soon!

MXX, I find it fun if I have the time to experiment - making a weeknight pasta or stirfry is less fun (although still a nice change of pace after a day of work - I put some music on and make the most of it!)

Cromercrox, if you have a sunny beach there's no need for anything else!

Interesting conspiracy theory. It sounds so plausible. Is there any way to fight back?

I promise to respond to all respectful non-spam comments! Don't be shy! Oh, and please don't type my surname in your comments; I know you all know what it is, but I'd prefer Google to rank other pages before this blog.