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“Nobody Cares”: Victims of Female-On-Male Rape and the Patriarchal Perception of Sex

A perturbing phenomenon to occur in an allegedly progressive society: that the FBI definition of rape — changed in 2013 so as to include non-traditional cases — can ironically be misconstrued as excluding female-on-male rape.

Rape is defined as:
“Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”

To interpret this definition as pertinent to male-on-female and male-on-male rape yet not to female-on-male or female-on-female rape is to make very specific assumptions about penetration — and indicates the grim reality of the prevailing myths towards rape and sex in general.

Myth #1: A hard-on means he wants it.

Source: Joey Yee/https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/

Yes, the victim was erect during his molestation. But as with female victims, rape and physical arousal aren’t mutually exclusive.

Erections and orgasms aren’t equivalent to consent, but rather physiological reactions to stimulation.

Myth #2: He’s bigger and stronger: he can’t get raped.

Source: Netflix/Archer

As a sexually dichomotous species, our males tend to be physically larger and stronger than females. But physical coercion isn’t the only means of forcing unwanted intimacy: there’s incapacitation with alcohol and drugs, and emotional or verbal coercion.

There have been reports of egregious and rather imaginative methods of sexual extortion, with threats of falsely reporting the victim himself as the rapist or threats that physical retaliation would harm the assailant’s unborn child.

Myth # 3: He still got laid.

Source: Netflix/American Pie

Through masculine gender socialization, males are told from a young age to equate sexual interaction with conquest and manhood. But to assume that men always want sex regardless of partner and circumstance is to assume automatic consent.

If men by default say “yes,” then they can’t say “no” — right?

Myth #4: It’s not as bad as “normal” rape.

Source: Reddit

The most horrifying aspect of female-on-male rape, aside from the act itself and the trauma that follows, has been the lack of victim care or even acknowledgement. A “cultural blindspot” with severe implications for survivors, such as higher rates of under-reporting and struggling to identify their experience as rape.

Socially, victims’ stories reveal a common denominator: that cases of female-on-male rape are frequently perceived as light and even laughable experiences. Institutionally, rape crisis centres and hotlines accustomed to assisting female victims have been reported to reject males seeking help, going as far as to hang up the phone. Legally, there exists a similar double standard, with law enforcement members expressing disbelief and scorn, and with a discrepancy in sentencing. Take, for instance, the case of a Chicago female rapist who forced sex on a man at gunpoint. While the woman wielding the weapon was charged with aggravated sexual assault and armed robbery at a $75,000 bail, her accomplice — the woman with whom the victim was forced to have sex — faced no charges.

Such lacklustre responses highlight the perception that rape with female perpetrators simply isn’t as traumatizing or heinous as rape with male perpetrators. But similar consequences are observed in both male and female survivors, including psychological and emotional disturbances such as anxiety or depression, substance abuse, sleep disturbances and sexual dysfunction (asexuality or its polar opposite, hypersexuality).

Sexual violence — the mind-jarring experience of losing power over one’s own body — isn’t specific to any gender.

Myth #5: Penetration = dominance.

Source: Comments/rollingout.com

The notion that men cannot get raped by women can be attributed to the traditional perception of women as passive recipients of sex and of penetration as an innately dominant act: something that’s done to someone rather than as a physiological component of intercourse. That women “get raped” and do not rape stems from their sexual objectification; the idea that they “get fucked” and do not fuck in turn.

Despite such misogynistic views, sex is a two-way street: an exchange of consent and pleasure. From the moment consent is withheld or withdrawn, by either party, the act becomes rape — a physical and psychological violation.

To deny boys and men the reality of their rape is to deny their vulnerability as human beings — and is a truly tragic consequence of our ever-improving yet deeply rooted patriarchal society.