Judaism acquires Mormonism. Jewish Men Can Now Marry Multiple Wives

Jerusalem, Israel — In the most historic religious transaction since the Jews sold off Jesus, the religion of Judaism has acquired Mormonism in exchange for 40 tons of Challah bread, Israeli actress Gal Gadot, and a night’s stay at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Jerusalem.

Rabbi Chutzpah addressed an ecstatic crowd of Jews at his Shabbat sermon, “Gentlemen, for the first time in Jewish history you can all have MULTIPLE Jewish wives!”

The crowd began to cheer, “MAZAL TOV!” and started the Hava Nagila dance.

But then, once the men realized what it would actually be like to have multiple Jewish wives, they began to cry.

“Rabbi!” a concerned Jewish husband hollered. “Does this mean we have to answer to multiple domineering, poorly cooking women?”

“Yeah!” another congregate shouted. “And instead of one wife refusing to sleep with me, I’ll have multiple? What do you even call not sleeping with multiple women, a no-rgy?”

“Ohhhh shit!” the Rabbi said aloud. “I guess we didn’t think this one through.”

Effective immediately with the transaction, Mormon men only have to deal with one annoying wife per household. The rest of the Mormon wives will have the option of choosing their Jewish husband at their respective synagogues, or on Jdate.com.

Rabbi Chutzpah now has to carry the burden of Mitt Romney’s binder of women.

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Written by Rel

Ariel "Rel" Mathiowitz is a neurotic, panicky writer who details his pathetic life stories and frustrated points of view.
Rel is 6 foot 5; however, he makes himself appear to be 5 foot 5 because he wants women to lust for him for his personality, and not his grand stature.