Reports Sharon of Roseville: “I am working on a fascinating genealogy for my neighbor Vicki. I was able to get her family back to its royal roots and discovered that Sir Thomas More is her 13th great-grandfather. If you recall your history, you will remember that he was convicted of high treason and beheaded on July 6, 1535.

“When Vicki stopped over yesterday, we discussed why her mother had been named Billie. Her parents wanted a son they could name William, but ended up with a girl. ‘That’s odd,’ I replied. ‘Terri’s mother is named Billie, too.’ Terri lives next-door to Vicki, and I had done Terri’s family tree several years earlier.

“After Vicki left, I remembered that another genealogy customer was descended from someone who had been beheaded. I had a niggling thought that it might be Terri — and sure enough, it was.

“Terri’s 11th great-grandmother was Lady Alicia Beconsawe Lisle, who was charged with harboring traitors and was convicted of high treason. King James II allowed beheading to be substituted for burning, and Lady Lisle was executed in the Winchester, England, marketplace on Sept. 2, 1685.

“Who would ever think that two next-door neighbors would have mothers named Billie and be descended from ancestors who were beheaded for high treason in England?

“I think this is highly unusual, but I don’t think the category ‘Joy of Juxtaposition’ is appropriate. Perhaps a new category, ‘Wretchedness of Juxtaposition,’ is in order.”

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon?

Chuck of Burnsville: “The last three books I’ve read in the past two weeks contained the phrase ‘Daylight in the swamp!’ The phrase was used by log-camp foremen of 100-plus years ago to wake up loggers to start the day and move logs down the river to the sawmills. However, it was used in different settings in the three books I read. I checked my personal library and even located a long-forgotten book titled ‘Daylight in the Swamp.’

BULLETIN BOARD SAYS: No. Even if we’d been liberal with the B-M time limits (“past two weeks”?!), we couldn’t have ignored the “long-forgotten” book in your library. Clearly the phrase wasn’t brand-new to you!

Our experts (the world’s only!) would consider your experience a fine Joy of Juxtaposition — which is nothing to scoff at, at any time of the day.

Our times

The Retired Pedagogue of Arden Hills: “Subject: Not a new phenomenon.

“Recently, the Johnny Carson page-a-day calendar contained this quote from August 31, 1988: ‘Scientists have discovered something new to worry about, called the White House effect. It’s when the hot air from two candidates gets trapped in the atmosphere.’ ”

Shirts happen

Donald: “When the ballad ‘If You Could Read My Mind’ began playing, it conjured up a T-shirt from a catalog:

” ‘IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND

” ‘You wouldn’t be smiling’ ”

Peggy T of Osceola, Wis.: “While I was walking on the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama, I met a man wearing a shirt that said: ‘I have a crappie attitude.’

“He seemed like he really did have that kind of attitude.”

Vanity, thy name is…

Gregory of the North: “I was following a Honda Odyssey this morning. Its vanity license plate said ‘HOMER.’ A more appropriate plate I cannot imagine!”

Highfalutin amusements (responsorial)

OTD from NSP: “I sincerely wish to thank the contributor [The Pest from the West of St. Paul] who suggested [BB, 9/15/2012] that readers who like jigsaw puzzles check out http://jigidi.com.

“I did, and now I have another way to use up time. Readers know what that time is — the ‘just waiting for the news, check the puzzles and … oops — it’s 11:30, and I have to get up at 6 and go to work tomorrow’ type time.

“The site is entertaining, and I spend way too much time on it. There are puzzles from very easy (four pieces) to take-all-day (400-plus pieces).

“Again, thank you to whoever recommended it. I always appreciate another reason not to do the chores that never seem to get done around the house. Puzzles are much more fun.”

Small enough for ya?

Labor & Delivery Division

Marie MM: “The story by Porch Swing Grandma regarding her labor in a ‘closet room’ at Abbott Northwestern Hospital [BB, 10/31/2012] reminded me of the birth of my youngest child, in 1959.

“He arrived unexpectedly at home one April night, and the doctor who was summoned (yes, they made house calls then!) sent us to St Joseph’s Hospital. These were the ‘baby boom’ years, and the maternity floor had no rooms available. I spent the rest of the night and most of the next day in a bed in the hall, joining several other moms.

“The baby? He was sent down to the children’s floor because they deemed him too contaminated to join the other new babies on the maternity floor.

“We all survived, and he grew up to be a great guy. I didn’t have any more children after that, though.”

Our theater of seasons

Ultimate Fall Experiences Division

Baby Ruthe: “People have been writing in about their Ultimate Fall Experiences.

“A visit to the pumpkin patch was the highlight for me this fall — and ‘just what the doctor ordered.’

“Every fall, our large extended family makes a caravan of cars filled with whoever is available that day, and we head off from Inver Grove Heights to Rice Lake on a trek to the pumpkin patch, a trip to ‘Bargain Bill’s’ (home of the famous maple leaf cookies), and a great big Irish-German-French-Canadian family’s invasion of the Norske Nook for some mile-high pie. Somehow that itinerary seems to work for all ages (from 2 months to 81 years), as we keep going back and the numbers of attendees are growing.

“This year (my 82nd fall season) was especially poignant for me, as every one of my GREAT-grandchildren was able to be there — a fourth generation. To watch the newborn in the family posed among the pumpkins for pictures, and the toddlers discovering the wonders of fall on a cold, windy day, was indescribable. Life renewing itself! I count my blessings by each of those seated around the table in a wing of the Norske Nook, from high-chair dwellers to retirees. What a blessing to reach an age where I am around to know my GREAT-grandchildren!

“This year on our trip to the pumpkin patch, I had cancer surgery scheduled for early the very next day. It was the best of medicine to forget about my worries and experience the joys of a beautiful fall day and my extended family around me. I’m on the mend and looking forward to many fall seasons ahead and happy hours spent with family.”

What’s in a name?

Grandparents Division

Frosty of Linwood: “I had two grandmothers. They were both called Gramma.

“My father’s mother was widowed twice; she had remarried after Dad’s father passed away. (I was amazed when I learned that other kids had grandparents with the same last name as theirs.) She lived in eastern Wisconsin. We saw her seldom, and I hardly knew her.

“My mother’s parents lived in the Twin Cities, and we lived in southern Minnesota. We visited them fairly often. On rare occasions, they would drive down to visit us. One day, I looked out the front window and saw their car pull up, and they started to get out. I ran into the back yard, where Mom was hanging the wash on the line, and I yelled: ‘Gramma’s here!’

“She asked: ‘Which one?’

“After a moment of contemplation. I answered: ‘The Gramma with the Grampa.’ ”

The darnedest things

WARNING! Cute kid stories ahead!

The Divine Mum of Crocus Hill: “Subject: The cat comes first.

“The F-Bomb, 6, this morning after breakfast: ‘Mom, can you come finish my homework for me? I need to pet Oreo.’ ”

GramB of Nisswa: “Hardly awake, our 8-year-old granddaughter emerged from her bedroom recently and said to my daughter: ‘My underwear doesn’t like me!’

“Mom asked: ‘Why?’

“Our little sweetheart replied: ‘Because it fell off five times in the night!’ ”

Mrs. Mouse: “Last weekend, our daughter from Bemidji was down with 3-year-old Jack and 1-year-old Axel. Their dad was gone hunting for the weekend. It was great fun to have them down for a few days.

“Jack is doing really well wearing his big-boy underwear, and is very proud of himself. We were out in the front yard playing, and he said he had to go potty. I thought we would go into the house. Next thing, I look and he has his pants down. He says to me: ‘Grandma, can you turn around? I would like some privacy.’

“He wants privacy, and he is peeing in the front yard! Oh, to be 3.”

Band Name of the Day: Homer and His Odysseys

Website of the Day (don’t miss it!): Jukeboxes, 1940 to 1999 (and much, much more!), at http://upchucky.com

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