Saturday, August 24, 2013

Almighty Johnsons, Season 3, Episode 8: The Asparagus is Kicking In

At Ander’s office, Dawn has the thankless task of pointing out to Colin and Anders what they’re doing wrong. Namely that Colin is seen at many functions always with a different woman – and very young women at that; giving, as Dawn says, the message that Colin isn’t serious, he’s a playboy having a laugh (we also see that Anders has spent far too much time convincing clients everything is fine than actually fixing problems). She leaves and Colin tells Anders, in his usually crude terms, that he is turned on by Dawn. Anders is quick to rush in with a “no no, aw hell no” on that one – especially since she’s part of their crew.

To Dawn herself, and Lance and a little insight into their relationship where we see they endure each other’s hobbies with barely concealed tolerance and suffering. Ty has another, mopey “I used to go out with her” moment – which seems to be tipping his Hodr powers again.

Axl and Mike bond over exploiting Mike’s shiny shiny powers for $10,000 which comes with lots of shiny toys and a can of beer the size of Zeb. Speaking of – Axl goes home and finds Zeb half naked on the couch apparently not having eaten in 3 days. He’s been fighting desperately to fend off all the unpaid bills, couldn’t buy food and generally has had a rotten time. Axl arriving with money, food and shiny toys alleviates things a little.

The next job is to go to Stacey’s business and talk to Olaf – about his missing car which Olaf is very very unhappy about. Especially since there is awesome surf happening and he is stranded without a car. Axl needs to talk about Jormugandr – so has to play taxi to the surfing oracle.

At the beach, surf, asparagus role and beer combined, Axl shows Olaf the note – and it is something that Eggther (the not-very-effective-giant) said to him before as well. However, they get no answers until Olaf has his weed and the asparagus kicks in. An oracle that runs on marijuana and asparagus.

Back to the flat, Olaf gets stoned and Zeb reveals his own Norse research – he knows what Jormugandr is (the world serpent, one of Loki’s kids, who surrounds Midgard and holds his tail in his mouth) and what Ragnorok is – the end of the world which will happen if Jormugandr lets go of his tail due to whatever’s upsetting him. Of course Olaf (while praising Zeb for his research and criticising Axl for his lack) admits that he doesn’t know how many of the stories are true. Olaf’s also fairly blasé about the end of the world since he keeps getting reborn; Axl is rather more worried, especially when Zeb brings up Fenrir, the wolf that eats Odin (another of Loki’s kids).

And Mike returns to his bar to find Ingrid there – not looking for booze for once. She’s there with Michele to help with the renovations. And apparently Michele and Mike have moved out of the flat with Karen – Michele’s mother – who is also gone (all of which is news to Mike). Going up this flat he finds it all finished and amazingly decorated – it seems that Sjofn has a powerful talent for finding builders and motivating them.

Olaf and Axl take their Ragnarok worries to Mike, who sends Axl away for a second so he can chew out Olaf for derailing Axl just as Mike had managed to get him back on track – Axl now thinks he’s causing global warming (in a round about, Ragnarok kind of way). Mike doesn’t want to have to deal with more shit – but Olaf is confident he can handle it. The asparagus is kicking in.

That sounds worrisome. Or like bad gas.

Back to the beach and some holy skinny dipping. Where they meet one of Olaf’s old friends – Tigilau, a Polynesian deity, guardian of sharks and fishes. He zaps Axl (as the sea was doing to him recently), blaming him for the upcoming Ragnarok and the chaos Jormugandr is causing in the oceans – since it was Odin who unleashed baby metaphorical serpent Jormugandr waaay back in the day. He also doesn’t see any way to stop it.

And when they leave the water they’re arrested for public nudity. Mike bails them out and is monumentally pissed with Olaf for further messing with Axl and leaves him to walk home. And back at the flat, Zeb is stocking up on canned goods for the approaching apocalypse. Mike is endlessly frustrated by the whole thing and he desperately wishes everyone would ignore Jormugandr since it makes no sense (so says the god Ullr). He encourages Axl to just get on with life – real life –and find a job

Later Axl thinks about this and decides he has a job – finding Frigg. And if he finds her, he’ll get his powers and therefore he can stop Ranarok. (That doesn’t quite make sense since the Eddas on Ragnarok still include the end of the world with a fully empowered Odin). But he’s energised because he now has a REASON to find Frigg, beyond vague pronouncements of destiny. Find Frigg, save the world. Zeb tries to bring some mortal reality to Axl’s sudden enthusiasm but Axl is running with it – he just needs a job to fund it.

To which he sees a flier on their cluttered table to work as a pizza delivery man – a job which also lets him knock on doors and meet the possible future Frigg. Zeb agrees that this is a sign. I realise by the copious amounts of empty bottles that they’re probably both drunk. I should probably have realised that earlier.

Back to Colin’s campaign and Dawn prepping Colin for meeting with a collection of conservative donors – which means lots of family values. He claims he can’t remember all her teaching so Dawn must accompany him. Anders tries to leap in to save Dawn (and to use his Bragi powers) but Colin turns back to Dawn – who already has an excuse with her boyfriend. A choice between Lance or Colin; poor Dawn – she ends up choosing Colin to prevent him getting his own date that could be unsuitable. Anders is not happy.

Especially when he later buy’s Dawn a very expensive, fabulous dress. Anders keeps trying to run interference but Colin ignores him. Lance arrives to deliver something and sees the dress – and becomes jealous, accusing her of going out on her “work thing” (for which she cancelled their date) dressed like she’s on the pull. And throws in “high class hooker” in there as well – Colin comes to her defence and leaves me actually siding with Colin against Lance. (Even Anders is amused by how badly Lance handles it – when he calls Dawn a “receptionist”). Lance gives her an ultimatum – work or date with him. She says work – doesn’t even hesitate. He urges her not to rush into it – work thing. Lance dumps her and says he never wants to see her again – oh Dawn you are so well rid of him.

And when Dawn takes a moment, Colin remarks that she’s now single. Ugh, yes we knew he’d ruin it!

Colin continues to flirt with – and charm Dawn – and Anders despairing and desperately trying to talk Colin out of it and insisting that Dawn is far too smart to fall for Colin’s creepy, fake ways. Colin then asks Anders to use his Bragi powers to “persuade” Dawn – Anders adamantly refuses. In response, Colin threatens not just Ander’s wealth – but threatens to burn him to death and his family.

Lance, meanwhile, goes to rant about the breakup with Ty (heavily editing what happened). Ty storms on Anders’s office and accuses him of pimping out Dawn (poor Anders, if he were less of a prick people might give him the benefit of the doubt). Anders quickly gets Ty to slow down a bit – and then tells him what Colin has planned. Ty calls it rape, Anders tries to weasel around it and Ty roars at Anders to “grow some fucking balls” and it gets… chilly. So chilly that Anders’s breath mists. Anders asks Ty what he’s supposed to do; Ty has no suggestions just demands.

Ready for the function, Colin asks Anders if he Bragi’ed Dawn – Anders didn’t. Colin threatens him again and Anders goes into bargaining mode – he needs Colin’s words that he’ll do nothing to hurt her and Colin pulls out a sincere (though likely lying) line about Dawn being the woman of his dreams, one motivated by respect and integrity rather than wowed by his money. Anders strikes a deal – if Colin can get Dawn to kiss him of her own free will, then Anders’s words will be triggered. Dawn arrives looking sensational and Anders puts on the sad, sad eyes – and uses his powers to tell Dawn that she’ll have a great time, and Colin will be amazing, a great guy; at some point Colin will take her aside to kiss her and it will be the best kiss ever.

She goes to the party, mingling, having fun and Colin takes her to one side- and Colin kisses her. After the kiss she leads him away, down into the alleyway so they can be alone together. Colin kisses her neck – and then Anders says “thank you Dawn you can go now.” Dawn leaves, calling Colin a wanker on the way out. We learn the rest of what Anders said to her – that Dawn would lead Colin to the alleyway, walk away and then forever think Colin is a wanker. Anders accuses Colin of wanting to have sex with Dawn because he could then discard her like a toy – and he won’t let anyone do that to Dawn.

Colin threatens the burny thing – and Ty steps forwards. He threatens to kill Colin if he goes near Dawn or any member of his family – Colin dismisses him as a mortal and causes fire to flare around them (Anders, not the bravest man, panics a little) and Dawn spins round in shock. Ty grabs Colin’s arm and inflicts a cold burn, his whole arm covered in frost. All the flames around them are quenched and it starts to snow. Ty says Hodr’s back and Dawn, watching, has all her memories returned – triggered by the return of the god.

Anders stops Ty killing Colin (alas). They leave Colin shouting threats and clutching his arm, still frozen and his fingers black from frostbite.

Ty and Anders drop in on Michele and Mike to inform them of the Colin situation (which Michele celebrates) and Anders warns them Colin will be awfully mad. Mike is confused because he thought Anders and Colin were friendly and Anders says “he crossed a line.” Surprising Michele that he had a line. Ty defends Anders pointing out he was doing the right thing (for once) and that he may actually have control of his powers. Mike is in on the fight – Ty’s his brother, his fight is Mike’s fight. Michele looks on with a complicated look on her face – fear of Colin, anger at Colin or is that envy of the relationship Mike has with his brothers? Or Jealousy?

Mike talks to Colin, telling Colin he crossed a line (Colin dismisses Dawn as a bit of sport). Mike tries to appeal for peace and Colin threatens epic retribution. Mike taunts him, throws in lots of threats and contempt and tells Colin that the Johnsons will always beat a loser like him. Colin laughs and says “I bet it won’t”. And Mike says “I accept”.

Oh Colin – you just made it a GAME. And Ullr always wins games. Mike points this out to Colin then punches him in the face. Colin tries to hit him back and gets punched in the face again. Colin tries to set Mike on fire… and it doesn’t work; Colin’s powers can’t beat Ullr’s powers in a game. And since the “game” is about defeating the Johnson’s family, that effectively makes the Johnson’s immune to Colin’s powers or anything that would allow Colin to “win” against them.

At Zeb’s flat – Ingrid and Zeb set up a board full of notes to help find Frigg (Ingrid being into genealogy still) and Axl gets the job as pizza delivery man.

At Ander’s office, they dump all of Colin’s election campaign material – Dawn notes they’ve lost their major (and only) client but she’s also compelled to repeatedly call Colin a wanker even though she hates the term. And Dawn remembers what she saw in the alley

I really sympathise with Mike's frustration - he works so hard to try and clear up after his family and hold it together and there's always a new problem brought up by at least one of the brothers

Is it possible that Colin’s entire campaign for office was actually a convoluted plot to get to Dawn and annoy Ty some more.

Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous and petty and outrageous – who would go to such length just to torment someone. To which I have to say “Loki.” Enough said. At least Anders is finally on her side for once. Less Lance too. which is always a good thing.

Anders’ loses many points, though, by denying that his mind control powers are rape because they make someone like him. No no no no no no – the magic ability to make someone WANT to have sex with you still has the “make someone” in there which removes consent. Even playing the whole idea of having an awful decision to make and wanting someone to sign off on it, it’s still not ok.

But Colin’s comeuppance? The return of Hodr? Anders finally drawing a line in the sand? Epic – and it looks like Dawn is going to become one of the people in the know! Excellent step forward

And then mike confronting Colin and making it a game? Double epic. And I had a complete Joffrey-slap moment watching Mike punch Colin.