A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"
He says, "I don't care. Just get out!"

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

At the gates to heaven a new arrival, George noted that there were two paths, one marked Women, and one marked Men. He took the later path and found that it lead to two gates.
The gate on the right had a sign that said: Men who were dominated by their Wives. The sign on the left read: Men who dominated their Wives. The right-hand gate had a long line of men waiting, but there was only one scrawny little fellow at the left-hand gate.
George, before deciding which gate to go to, went over to the scrawny man and asked,
“Why are you at this gate?” the little fellow replied, “I don’t know. My wife just told me
to stand here.”

One day Little Jonnie says to his father:
I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johnny: Yes...Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now; you want to marry my Mother?
Johnny: Why not? You married my mother