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Adoption

Therapy can help the adoptee grieve what was lost to them in order to make room for what can then be found.

For a child of any age, abandonment is an unthinkable loss, and infancy is by far the most vulnerable period in our lives. The trauma of being abandoned at birth is usually followed by placement in adoption or foster care. Although adoption provides a solution to abandonment, the adoption experience can come with its own set of problems. The child who has been given up for adoption often fears that he will be abandoned again. If he does not get to talk about these issues he is likely to navigate life with mistrust and fear, feeling unprotected and unable to find safety. He may experience intense emotional suffering, including overwhelming feelings of inferiority, of being defective, unlovable, or invisible, and difficulty trusting others.

In a society deeply conflicted about the issue of childhood abandonment, there is widespread reluctance to openly address this problem. As a result, the intense feelings of loss remain unresolved and the impact lingers into adulthood. If you were adopted as a child but have never addressed your feelings of abandonment, you might often find yourself feeling sad, lonely, depressed, or angry. You may feel unsafe emotionally, unable to trust your own instincts, and insecure when making decisions for yourself. Your fears can make it difficult to form a healthy and lasting relationship with a significant other. You may choose partners who are emotionally unavailable, or attract others who will eventually abandon you. In your attempt to avoid rejection you might bounce from relationship to relationship. Alternatively, your fear of being alone may lead you to form relationships with anyone to fill the void, or to be unwilling to let go of relationships or situations that are no longer good for you.

Entering therapy will give you the safe, supportive environment you need to explore the ways your adoption may continue to impact your life today. You'll discover that you're far more lovable than you may have imagined, and learn to trust your judgment about whom to love — and when to leave.