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Q & A

I’m going through a divorce. He is gambling addict, cheated on me and neglectful. Most of this was very well hidden from the kids. In their eyes, I just packed up and took them from their home. I know it takes time but how do I help them cope and not feel so betrayed by me without revealing their dad’s shortcomings. Regardless of it all, I believe they have the right to have their childhood protected including thinking their daddy is great. Any experienced advice???

Best Answer

I am curious what theages are.........I left my marriage after 30 years.my kids were in their 20“s. one knew about the abuse he did and my oldest did not. So even at that age it was still difficult....because he never saw it or was home for it. I never told them to stop seeing their dad, etc. I told them their relationship should come with some boundaries if they feel thats necessary. truth is the answer.

Don’t sugar coat it, but don’t make him look any better than he really is. When kids grow up they will make up their mind on who he really is. Just don’t give them a reason to tell you that you lied to them and it will all be okay.

Hang in there. If he isn’t a good influence kids are better off at a distance.

Tracy...my experience growing up was quite similar and my dad and i now have a good relationship too. it is why i want so badly to be careful. i think eventually we all figure out our parents are human and flawed but a certain amount of innocence should be maintained for them until they are ready. Just tired of being the bad guy but hopefully it will get better soon!

I am curious what theages are.........I left my marriage after 30 years.my kids were in their 20“s. one knew about the abuse he did and my oldest did not. So even at that age it was still difficult....because he never saw it or was home for it. I never told them to stop seeing their dad, etc. I told them their relationship should come with some boundaries if they feel thats necessary. truth is the answer.

You are a good parent to not reveal to your children his true colors. I confess that when my ex left us, I did bad mouth about him to my daughter because I was so hurt and angry. Intellectually, I knew that was the wrong thing to do and a divorce care group helped me thru the painful process. Fortunately, it didn’t affect my daughter because she saw what her dad was like and no matter what she accepts him and they have a good relationship.

I agree with everyone else who says that kids are smart enough to figure it out on their own eventually. My kids used to think the sun rose and set on my ex. Now that they‘re older they realize he’s dumb as a post and that I had my reasons for leaving him.