Well, I am a dog person. As long as I have remembered, I have always wanted to bring a little pup home and play with it everyday. They are honest creatures who just know how to give love.. Just give them a cuddle and a tummy rub and they couldn't be happier! In sharp contrast are creatures like us, who have to rationalize thru all aspects of life and make everything seem like a form of barter. No amount of tummy rubs and cuddles seem to make us happy. No wonder we are so incapable of loving unconditionally!

I once had the privilege of naming a furry little pup and I christened her 'noodles'. She was such a cutie! Soft brown eyes full of love.. my heart still melts every time I look at her picture. Due to situations beyond my control, she was given off to another family and was separated from her six equally tiny brothers, sisters and mother Candy. Poor Candy moped for days looking at all the corners of the house for her babies. I am just glad that I was not there to see her in such a condition. Even though practical considerations forces many dog owners to do this, somehow I have never been able to some to terms with that. The implications of a loving family getting separated is something I can't start describing in words...

So, coming back to more brighter side of adopting a pet, why am I suddenly talking about puppy love? Well, it so happened that this discussion over dog names came up and I thought how cool it would be to have a pup named 'Pointer'. It seems such a perfect name! While playing fetch, one could say 'Here Pointer, go fetch some memory' or if he decides to get back a bone instead of the ball, one could say 'Pointer, naughty boy, go and dereference the correct memory!' Of course, it would also mean that I have a ball with the name 'memory', which would officially earn me the title of 'the nerd next door', but lets not get into that yet! (Since this the closest I will ever get to being christened 'the girl next door', I might as well give it a shot ;-) )

In a way it would also signify the mutual love that we both would have for each other because in a way 'We would both be referencing the same address', although there are some aspects like 'memory leaks' which are bound to cause some everyday ruptures in our otherwise loving existence :-)

And maybe (just maybe!) I would make him a dog collar with the inscription:

Pointer *ptr;

ptr = &munmun;

Ok, that may be stretching it too far, but the basic thought behind choosing this name remains the same: Being one and the same, sharing a love that transcends the boundaries of language and expression and joins two hearts in one bond.

There was an anticipation and confidence and all preparations had been made way in advance. The clothes were well ironed and lay perfectly in the order of use. Phone calls had been made and prayers had been done. It was time.

The time had come for a new phoenix to emerge from its ashes and the process had just been initiated. Inner ghosts that had conquered the mind and established illegal residences had to be vanquished and the rust had to be removed from the outer crusts. There had once resided in that shell a vivacious, fearless person and that person now needed to emerge from her silent retreat.

Week 1:

Every time she spoke, her heart pounded so hard that she would fear going deaf. The inner ghosts saw their troops slowly vanishing and started putting up a mutiny to retain themselves in the territory. As the battle reached its tumultuous pitch each day, her heartbeats increased and with her defences slowly reducing, tears trickled down and she rushed to the restroom to give vent to this pent up emotional turbulence inside her, far far away from the gaze of the judging eyes...

She ate alone, sat alone, almost like a new boarding school student, except that boarding school students usually get befriended by the geeky outliers.. She was surrounded by the geeks, yet it seemed like she did not fit in.. Like a non-local variable whose reference had been lost (see.. geeky!), she wandered about, trying to look smart and shiny in her new clothes and shoes, but her smile slowly started to lose its shine and worried brows started generating sharper curves.

Weeks 2 and 3:

These were possibly the toughest weeks. Everyday there were some new challenges to overcome and the toughest probably were the ones that required her to speak and communicate. How on earth would anyone understand what being surrounded 12 hours a day (because she slept the rest 12), for more than ten months in succession, in almost utter silence meant? She hopes to someday meet someone who understands; but meanwhile, she had to move on and become functional again, breathe work and inhale code, the essentials for uncontroversial immigrant survival.

Now, after four weeks, her heart still pounds, but the noises are far reduced.. all except one causes her pain. Funny how pounding hearts once in a brief while function like spring-time fluttering butterflies. They may be short lived, but usually leave a warm glow. Well, one well deserved silver lining after all!

So, what is the plan for the next four weeks, you ask? I say, it is to go as far as the path takes me.. To become a traveller and leave the sequences and consequences to the grand Designer, 'cause

So much has passed by in the last two years since I last wrote here.. I was reading through the older blog posts and somehow I could no longer associate myself with them.I'm in transition, the metamorphosis has set in. It had to, change is inevitable.

The changes scare me, but one can either be scared or face their demons. I haven't decided yet, but I hope to one day choose the latter.

Today I have been inspired.. I feel something stirring up inside me and you can very well ask 'What's cooking?', to which my coy answer would be 'Wait and see' ;-)