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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

“I . . . don’t play childish games . . . the next step in this game . . . ” wait a minute, I thought there were no games being played, hrm?! I hope that Emily secretly wrote that as big bad friend of herself. Awesome. and why is it three hole punched? So she can save her death threats in a convenient binder for court?

I think it’s time that someone make a public service announcement about the definition of the word ignorant and its proper uses. Hell, it’s probably used out of context more often than in context. Here’s an example, secret admirer:

The use of the word ignorant in your passive agressive note is quite ignorant.

I think the person who wrote the note is 12 years old. This reminds me of some of the notes I received in junior high. I should have kept them, but there was no way I could imagine the internet when I was in grade 7 (1986).

Rainbow hearts, threatening paragraphs printed in alternating colors, vague threats, bringing skeltons out of the closet, calling the subject of the letter a cunt and then signing off as a secret admirer.

aaa, to be perfectly honest, I’m surprised I haven’t been left a PA note on my apartment door yet. My boyfriend and I can get, uh… loud, at times, if ya know what I mean. The neighbors below us must be pervs, deaf, or very very forgiving.

What can I say, this is a masterpiece. The all caps, the rainbow print, the excessive use of ellipses and exclamation points, the smiley face at the end, the random indentation of “AND THAT ANGERS ME!!!” and “IMMEDIATELY,” and of course, the c-word at the end. I think I might weep.

I love the intro “YOU DON’T KNOW ME… AND I DONT THINK YOU WANT TO…”
It really sets the tone for the rest of the letter. Why are there so many ellipses? I don’t get it. There could be commas, colons, semi colons, periods…

I’m hoping that dry erase board was framed in 24 karat gold and had a secret stash door on the back where all her F’ing secret med’s were stashed…
I mean that’s less crazy than this note.
Anyway…
I’d actually take it as a compliment, you know, if one could be 40 miles away and still manage to steal the dry erase board she must have some kind of super human abilities…which in that case I’d say, BRING IT ON BITCH !!!
And that’s still less crazy of an idea than this note.

Yea, you would most likely have super speed. So if the note writer tries to bitch slap you . . . just keep whizzing out of the way! And giggle at them getting flustered and flapping their arms like penguins!

Um, this person sounds a little stalker-ish to me! “You don’t know me…you don’t want to know me…” -but apparently, the letter-writer knows all about the perpetrator, and the “skeeze ball boyfriend.” S/he’s probably jealous of said skeeze ball.

And what is skeeze anyways? Is it a physical form of sleaze, kind of like waxy buildup in your ears?
I imagine that, when you are sleazy, you start producing skeeze, which can then be formed into a ball once you have enough.

I thought Skeeze Ball was the game you see at arcades and places like Chuck E. Cheese, where you roll the wooden ball up the ramp and try to land it in the cups for points. You then get tickets which you can turn in for some shitty prizes like a stuffed Chuck E. Cheese doll.

I’d buy a new dry erase board, walk straight up to her with her little note, hand the note to her, tell her I didn’t steal her shitty dry erase board, break the brand new board over my knee in front of her, hand it to her, and walk away. What a stupid petty thing to argue over…must be college.

If I got a note like this, I would laugh and get someone big and scary to write a similar note, except they would write it in blood and describe some very sick and painful things they will do to anyone that threatens me. They would also include pictures a la the movie “Seven” and I would deliver it personally.
When you take things way too far and get graphic and creative, people tend to back off.

Wow, I thought that those hearts were actually part of the note, but they were photoshopped in (or something) to cover submitter’s name. It’s a short name, looks like it starts with “A”. It is kind of funny though that the hearts match the colour scheme of the note.

It must be a token of Secret Admirer’s support for young Emily’s scholastic aspirations. Perhaps she sees this gift as an investment in an education that will create a bright future for the two of them, but their dreams were ruined by some inconsiderate cunt who stole said whiteboard. No wonder she’s so pissed.

Definitely Emily’s work, as the submitter states…that’s the most fundamentally PA thing about it; she doesn’t even have the guts to stand behind her aggressive statement. Hilarious. Wonder what she’ll write when some one takes her food when she’s pregnant or uses her shower gel.

In the beginning of the year my roommate kept leaving me a bunch of passive aggressive notes on my other roommate’s white board. She also accused me of hanging up on her friends and unplugging the phone whenever they’d call the room phone. Apparently I did this while I was still sleeping, yet managed to crawl from the top bunk and hobble over to the phone on my highly infected foot (I couldn’t even touch it without it hurting… I had been in the hospital the same week), all under 10 seconds. I am amazing.

When I told her she was accusing me, she shouted at me “I’m not accusing you! But if you have a problem with the phone then I wish you’d tell me! My mother calls me on that phone! Blahblaghdsg”, while simultaneously having her friend, who I hadn’t even met before that, telling me it must have been me, since the other roommate knew the friend’s voice. Kay, so much for logic.

Hey hey. I’m the person who submitted the gem above. Thanks for all the positive comments!

For clarification: Emily lives in my dorm, this was typed up and slid under my door in the middle of the night by one of her friends. Supposedly.

I highly intend on taking the suggestion of printing this all out and handing it to her (once I move out in 2 weeks).

Might I add: she’s the particular kind of desperate person that goes to “Makeout Parties”, and walks around in her bra around my “skeezeball boyfriend” to try and get him to check her out. Sadly, her boobies are like teeny mosquito bites and she has a mustache.

Seriously. I want to be like “Get some Sally Hansen Facial Bleach for yourself, girl.”

May I suggest doing what EvilTwin suggested in #24 in addition to printing out and distributing our responses.

Normally, I’d feel sorry for someone who has tiny boobs and a mustache, but certainly not in this case. And who, other than middle schoolers, even throws a “makeout party”? Oh yeah, girls with tiny boobs and mustaches.

I may have said it before, but here goes anyway: The bat-shit writers of these notes convince me that some of the minor disputes I’ve had with people (neighbors, roommates) over the years have been relatively normal by comparison. In other words, I’m not as crazy as I once perceived myself and people of my acquaintance to be. So, yay!

According to the writer, screaming in Lucky Charms colours and not signing your name to an all-caps note is neither PA nor childish.

This snatch should give lessons!

Question for the crowd: would The White Board Bandit’s strategy of dropping these comments off after she moves out be considered PA? What I want to see is a video of her reading this wisdom out loud to the chick’s face. But that’s just me. Work it. OWN it!

I hope that waiting isn’t passive aggressive of me, I just kind of want to choose the path of least resistance. I prefer to live in peace, without having to listen to this bitch constantly, and to do that, I’m willing to wait until I’m leaving to strike.

Also, forgot to add, I confronted her about this, and she claimed she had no idea what it was about, but got her to say that she wouldn’t write any more notes and suck it up and deal with it.

(1) The White Board Bandit actually did steal Emily’s whiteboard. The “40 miles away” alibi doesn’t cover the time she stole it; i.e., the night before. Fake alibis are easy to spot- they are given when no one is asking for them.

(2) The P/A notewriter is Emily’s dad. He gave Emily the whiteboard, and has a creepy obsession with the White Board Bandit. This one is so obvious; labeling her boyfriend with a 50′s term like “skeeze ball” out of jealousy, ending his emotional note with “your secret admirer”.

Our Bandit should be extremely wary at this point. Her skin is this close to ending up as a lampshade. Even if you’ve already chucked the stolen whiteboard, now is the time to fix this problem, before you find yourself trapped at the bottom of a dry well, with Emily’s Dad lowering lotions down to you to soften up your skin.

If she’s just in college, can you imagine what the writer will be like when she’s faced with the world of lunch-stealing, lipstick-stain-leaving, desk-pilfering co-workers? The P/A note possibilities are mouth-wateringly delicious.

I have an honest question. Is it even possible to STEAL something that cannot be consumed from someone you are currently sharing living space with? The WHITE BOARD is still THERE (even if the submitter took it) at WORST it has been MOVED not stolen.

I didn’t think anything would top the note with the little skulls and crossbones that looked like Xs and Os.

Oh, but how life always out-performs all my expectations. This is truly an achievement. Well done, obsessive rainbow stalker– well done. I am now taking care to be very sparing with my use of ellipses!

why why why she is not chosen as a queen of PAN?Why why? I am crying my eyes out here. She is not being PA at all, She is not childish and she does not wan to play games either! All she does is name calling, vague threats, leaves colorful and smiley/heart filled good cop bad cop notes to strangers and contradicts herself. You call that PA behavior? pffffft! shame on you