I am "coming out" in this poem and letting you know the "real" me besides my devotion to God. It is scary, but the truth is setting me free. I am on total disability because of mental illness, but have only recently been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Diorder (previously Multiple Personality Disorder). It has been an overwhelming time of acceptance for me but it does put a lot of "puzle pieces" together for me. I can see God's perfect plan in the whole scheme of it and the good that came out of evil. I hope this doesn't disturb any of you or that it isn't inappropriate to post it here. I ask for your prayers in dealing with this!
Pieces Within Myself 4/6/08

I know that You have known me
Since the time before the womb,
That You have planned my nights and days
From conception to the tomb,

But oly since I've come to You
Have I seen how masterfully
Your ways and means are mysterious,
Made especially for me.

You knew I'd be unwanted,
A burden, never a prize,
And so within Your Holy grace,
You made me Your own bride.

You watched over me by night;
You watched over me by day;
You did what You could to try
To keep me out of harm's way.

As I grew up, alone, afraid,
You brought me along Your own way,
Brought me comfort and solace
By letting me become insane.

I hated those years of doctors,
Of mental hospitals and pills,
But at long last I can see now
How it was part of Your good will.

You gave me the resources,
So clever, brilliant, and wise,
To use as a mask to get
Along in the world in disguise.

I questioned Your ways for so long,
Endured trials and tribulation,
I could not see the point of it all,
In this, Your perfect equation.

You knew I sought death as a means
To ultimate peace for me,
But You made me keep on living,
Knowing one day I would see,

How perfect Your ways were for me,
How You were always by my side,
The God of a marvelous plan,
Always to keep me alive.

I am no less sick than before,
But You and I are best friends,
And You have given me more,
Than just to see how my mind bends.

When I was too young to cope
With all the pain and the terror,
You gave my mind an escape,
To a place You knew was better.

You let my mind flee out of harm's way,
Into another dimension,
Which gave me a little child,
I never dared to mention.

She hid and was safe from all harm,
She knew how to disappear
Into her own little mind,
When the abuse came and the fear.

Then as the years drug on,
Three little boys came to her aid,
And all of them, just like her,
Hid and were very afraid.

Later another girl
Came as an angel of mercy,
To take care of the other four,
And unbeknown st to me, for me.

This is all so strange and weird,
Like I'm talking out of my head,
But I know in my heart it is God,
That to me these children were led.

It took God to help me see them,
It took God to bring them to life,
They are truly five of God's blessings,
To help me deal with the strife.

This is so overwhelming,
I have to turn to God for His help,
Because of this little family
In pieces within myself.
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