Share this:

Like this:

Related

I’m a traditional kind of guy. I believe there are certain things that men need to do. One of those things is teaching his boys to become men. You know what’s sad? That’s somehow become a controversial attitude.

If, like Geezer, you teach your grand-daughters to shoot shotguns at competition level, so much the better. That’s the bonus round.

And it’s not just safe handling of weapons. Here’s some other things men need to teach their boys, so they can be men:

1. You will respect women. All of them in general, and the girls you date in particular, and your mother most of all.
2. You will learn how to maintain an automobile. You don’t need to know how to rebuild a 2012 Camry from scratch – no one know how to do that, anymore – but you will change tires and oil and other simple maintenance tasks.
3. You will get enough education and/or training to get a job that will support a family.
4. You will get a job that will support a family. It doesn’t have to be your first job. Doesn’t even have to be your first job out of High School or college. I’m okay with you working something menial until you earn something better. But you will make that your goal and you will work towards it.
5. You will learn to love learning. You don’t have to be the colossal nerd I am, and you can learn about things I find boring.
6. Play time comes after work time. Play time is very important, but remember its place.
7. You should be respected. I want to respect you, and I want other people to respect you. But no one owes you respect until you earn it. If you have not earned respect, you will not demand it or act like it is owed to you.
8. You will care about your neighbors, your community, your state and your nation, and serve them when you have the chance. Men are not allowed to be hermits. I’m teaching you these things so you can benefit others.
9. You may figure out that sometimes I screw things up [note: oldest only ten, so he doesn’t know that yet]. You’ll figure out that you screw things up, too. Men learn from their mistakes, accept the past and move on.
10. You will never be too old to ask me for advice or help, and doing so will not make you any less of a man.

Best advice I ever got about making a dad mistake (and I’ve made em) was “the most important thing when you screw up is what you do next. Kids are very forgiving. Admit your mistake, make it right and ask forgiveness. They will give it to you.”

Heard that from a friend when my oldest baby was a week old and I was afraid I’d fuck it up. Helped me many many times.

Sobek, Very close to the list my grandfather taught me. My boys are 17 and 13 now. Not easy raising men in this ‘feminizied’ culture we live in. Your sons will be better for it and their future special ladies will too. The best compliment(s) I’ve heard is ‘you’re a good man/father’. I credit my grandfather.

Agreed Sobek. Make men with chests not without (sort of CS Lewis reference). While born in Brooklyn, I grew up in upstate NY/Western Mass and while i was good at navigating terrain and knew some basic survival skills, i was not taught how to fire weapons (although i was around them at my Grandfather’s farm) which hurt me a little when i started my enlistment in the Army. I’m lucky enough to have a father in law who was a police office and former Coastie, who can (re)train me so i can pass firearm skills to my son (hopefully sons in August but will be blessed regardless).

Great job – the coach in me wants to jump in with some corrections on stance and position – the Mom in me says, get over it and appreciate the moment. Both of my boys grew up in competitive shooting sports programs – today they are both coaches and are paying forward all those values and lessons they have learned. My girls are competitive shooters and coaches as well.

Back when they started, girls were scarce in shooting sports – so “getting beat by a girl” was a pretty common saying during matches. Today they’re leading the way to end that mind set since our girls and boys compete against each other on the same fields, with the same rules and have an opportunity to best each other based on their skill and discipline.

Here’s some other things men need to teach their boys, so they can be men:
This list is fabulous, it deserves its own posting.
I have an almost 13 yr old daughter, and all of these apply to her as well especially the caveat of number one: the boys she dates (not yet, she is not old enough) will respect her and treat her so, or she will not go out with them. When we start to allow dating, I will make sure that the boys no of this list and we will find young men like Sobek Jr.

Sobek, how do you reconcile the tension between points 1 and 7? Your son has to earn respect, but women are automatically respected? Considering that there are some women out there that absolutely do not merit respect, and take advantage of point one, I’ll offer a modest change.

3. esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.
4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect’s right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

Respect for women falls under 4 while the respect you earn falls under 3.