Richard Lawson

From the Department of ZOMG: Do you hate your stupid job and all the things you have to do at it? Do you secretly dream of writing things about The Hills (just like me!), like what the fashions are like and what the people are like to the other people on the show? Well you might be in luck. MTV, which airs the mostly-faked reality series about a dim archipelago of blondes who float, unmoored, around Los Angeles, is looking for bloggers! One in particular who will win the coveted role of Head Hills Finale Blogger when this fourth season teeters off the air some time in the coming months. And they're posting the application guidelines on Faceebook. You have to send a photo, just so you know tho. So you can't be fat or ugly or have brown hair (unless you are Audrina—you should apply, Audrina) or walk with a limp (you can tell that from photos!) or be a boy (gay people frighten Spencer and uncomfortably arouse Brody) or are Sarah Plain or Madeline Albright or maybe have a glass eye. What else is required? Let MTV tell you:

Hey Guys!!! Do you like to Blog? Love blogging about The Hills? We're coming directly to our most passionate fans of The Hills in search of Official Bloggers for The Hills on MTV.com. We'll be taking submissions over the next 3 weeks for 2 candidates to blog about each episode. If you are selected as one of our 2 bloggers, you will have your blog posted online each week. Your blog will be ranked by other fans, and the blogger at the end of the season with the highest ranking will win the opportunity to blog live from The Hills finale in LA with Lauren, Audrina, Lo, and other cast members!!! What we need from you: -Name -Age -Address -Contact Info (phone) -Photo -Blogging experience (none required, but please list if you currently or previously have written a blog, including url(s)) -SHORT paragraph about your love of blogging and why you feel you deserve to be an official blogger of The Hills for MTV.com. The contest will require you to post a blog of The Hills within hours after each new episode's airing. Please be prepared to submit material upon deadline. Monday September 8th @ Midnight is when we stop taking submissions. Please email us here - mtvcontest@gmail.com Pass this to on your friends - Thanks!!!!!!!

So, yes!, right??? You should totes apply, mostly because it sounds so soul-shudderingly awful and I have a general fear and distrust for other Hills blogger types, and I feel like this employment would probably eat you up and spit you out and then Jen Bunny would swoop down, like some demon raptor from a nefarious Otherworld of which we've no conception, and devour the remains of your masticated carcass in great slurpy, stringy bites. And then there'd be one less Hills blogger in the world. Last day to apply is today. Doooo it. [L Magazine]