Tag Archives: condoleezza rice

Well here is a “fun” video that MediaMatters has flagged for us! It begins with Terrible Michelle Obama and Terrible Eric Holder speaking about the 60th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education. We are sorry to report this, but Holder claims there is still racism in this country, as if! And Obama doubles down with the total lie that schools attended primarily by children of color are not as good as rich white schools. How could that even be! Racism is over, everyone knows that! Luckily, Sean Hannity and his panel of total cocks (plus Deirdre Imus!) are here to set the record straight, and to wish that Michelle Obama would be a little less of a total hosebeast and a little more like Condoleezza Rice, and be grateful for the fact that she is allowed to eat at the Woolworth’s lunch counter as if she were an actual human being. Read more on Sean Hannity: Why Can’t Michelle Obama Be Less Racist, Like Condoleezza Rice?…

Since it was Nerd Prom aka the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner last night, your Twitter timeline was already full of all the barbs and jabs and gentle ribbing that Obama put into his speech, but the the Old Gray Lady moves a bit slower, so the Times has Bamz’ comedic stylings as one of today’s lead stories.
Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Joe Biden Rides His Vette To The WHCD Edition…

OhEmmGee, you guys! Remember how a year ago we were all Hopey and Changey Part II and still drunkenly reveling in the streets because Blablack Blackbama was returning triumphantly to the White House and we were finally done with Richie Rich and his TigerBeat sidekick? Well strap on your campaign buttons because while there are only 36 shopping days until the pagan celebration of mid-winter, there are ONLY 1,085 DAYS UNTIL THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!
Don’t care about it yet? No one else does either. But since there are only so many shit-sandwiches we can write about, let’s sexplore what completely irrelevant things politicians are doing three years out in order to get their names in the newspapers! Read more on Only 1085 Days Left Until The Next Presidential Election, Let’s All Go Die…

Things are pretty bad now. Many liberals are angry, depressed, or both. We wasted our breath for years, saying “Hey rich folks, we know you don’t love paying taxes, but these people you’re manipulating with ridiculous lies in order to win elections — maybe stop? Because they’re idiots, and they could be dangerous?” Nobody listened. Which reminds us of another time nobody listened to liberals: Always, but especially when George W. Bush was president.
Today’s tumble down the memory hole is courtesy of the New York Times as they excerpt/adapt digestible chunks of Peter Baker’s new book “Days of Fire: Bush and Cheney in the White House.” How many amusing pull quotes are there? All of them, Katie Read more on New Bush-Cheney Postmortem Shows The Lighter Side Of Gross Incompetence And Corruption…

Since this month marks the ten-year anniversary of the War to Soothe George W. Bush’s Daddy Issues, and because our blood pressure has not skyrocketed to the point where it blew out the cuff the nurse strapped around our arm at our last physical, your Wonkette thought it would be fun to take a look back at the architects of that colossal fuck-up. Who were these paragons of American exceptionalism, and what are they doing today? Living quiet lives of reflection and repentance? Working every day with the wounded veterans who are such a large result of their policies? Standing in the dock at the Hague? Committing seppuku, the ritual suicide by disembowelment practiced by Japanese samurai when they brought shame and dishonor upon themselves and their nation?
To the Google! Read more on A Childrens’ Treasury Of People You Never Wanted To Think About Ever Again…

World’s greatest living Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who absolutely could not have known anyone would ever use an airplane as a missile, and who could not have known Saddam was not seeking yellowcake in Niger, and who could never have been blamed for Manolo-shopping while a city drowned, has now taken her reign of terror to people personally.
Standing on the steep hill for a blind approach shot on the sixth, Rice hit a hybrid that sent the ball into the left side of the gallery about 50 feet away — and nowhere near the green more than 150 feet to the right.
The ball struck a spectator on her forehead, which gushed with blood and sent her to the ground to recover.
The woman wept in pain while her daughter applied towels and medical personnel hustled over. Rice apologized to the woman and had an assistant get her phone number.
Read more on Condoleezza Rice Now Smacking People In The Face With Her Balls…

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is quite certain that Mitt Romney would be a much better foreign policy president than that Barack Obama guy. On CBS’s Morning Show yesterday, host Norah O’Donnell asked Rice to identify specific foreign policy things that Obama had failed at, but she politely dodged the question and said she would rather talk about how a Romney foreign policy would be better, because it would be different in many important regards, somehow, which she also could not quite specify. Except that maybe Obama has had the “mute” button on America’s foreign policy voice, because Obama forgot to watch for the end of the commercial and the show came back on: Read more on Condi Rice Can’t Really Name Any Obama Foreign Policy Failures, Except Maybe Bowing…

Apparently, there has been a turning point in Mitt Romney’s campaign—a GOOD turning point of some kind. We know this because Kathryn Jean Lopez has taken to the National Review to inform us of such, even if she can’t quite identify exactly why this was a turning point, or what it means, or how it benefits Mitt Romney. But she does make sure to note that this turning point has something to do with his glorious speech to the NAACP (no, really) which she knows was glorious because her Nigerian taxi driver told her how much he loved it (again, no, really). Also, Mitt Romney doesn’t need a woman or a person of color as his VP because he doesn’t need anything so gimmicky as a non-white person for a VP given that he “has a record of being all about winning the future.” (Once again, no, really.) And he will be a GREAT president because he believes so strongly in Freedom and in personal choices, and the NAACP was a perfect showcase for all of that because he quoted from Dr Martin Luther King Jr and Frederick Douglass.
Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Gets Thrill Up Her Leg For Romney’s ‘Vision Thing’…

Haha, hey, remember this? It was the day after the 2008 election, and Condoleezza Rice was crying and smiling at the same time, like a crazy person, about the wondrous miracle that had occurred with Barack Hussein Obama being elected president of these United States. Now? Dr. Rice, it would seem, has had herself a little change of heart. Who understands America’s place in this world, Condi? Is it Nobama? No. It is not Nobama, because he is a lamer who apologizes for Amercia. Read more on Condoleezza Rice Changes Mind, Would Like To Be Vice President Now…

Whoa whoa WHOA there, Ms. Al Sharpton Jr. and OJ Simpson Jr. Combined! Andrea Mitchell Reported on Andrea Mitchell Reports that known African-American confirmed bachelorette and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, when asked about the Trayvon Martin case perpetrating in Florida, said that we are not a race-blind society. HOW DARE SHE AND ET CETERA! What is she going to do next, claim that there is still institutional racism, particularly at the intersection of race, the courts and the law? How will Tucker Carlson and Ghost Andrew Breitbart feel about this? Will they call her a race pimp? Will they taint everyone who’s ever hugged her with guilt-by-hugging? For some reason, we do not think so. They might even pretend to forget that Condi staunchly defended Affirmative Action too — along with fellow whiny-ass titty-baby Colin Powell — but will they ever be able to get over the fact that she does not even bother to explain that the worst racism is pointing out when something is racist? OUTRAGING video and transcript, after the jump! Read more on Race Provocateur Condoleezza ‘Al Sharpton Jr.’ Rice Claims Society Is Still Racist…

The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview “her kind” (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin’ crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre food dishes and claiming it’s part of American Thanksgiving. Pat Robertson is aghast. Read more on Pat Robertson Mystified By Strange African-American Thanksgiving Ritual…

America’s most lovable war criminal, Condoleezza Rice, likes only one thing more than hawking her new book, and that’s warmongering. So now that she’s been removed from the White House (too late), and is back to being a regular old academic-type person, with a new book, what do you suppose she’s doing with all her free time? Why, warmongering, of course! Recently, for example, she called up an Israeli newspaper to demand that everybody attack and kill Iran. What could go wrong? Then she crapped on the Arab Spring for good measure. Read more on Bored Condi Calls For Attacking Iran, Because What Else Is There To Do…

With former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice now publicly complaining about Dick Cheney’s “cheap shots” in his bullshit book about how he is the Number One Hitler of All History and everybody else can suck it, both black people from the George W. Bush Administration have condemned the evil, subhuman former vice president for not not even having the professional courtesy of a hyena. Read more on All the Black People In G.W. Bush’s Administration Angry At Dick Cheney…

It turns out that possibly (?) ousted nutjob Libyan dictator Moammar Gaddafi kept a big ol’ catalogue of fap fuel made up of Condoleezza Rice photo scrapbooks hidden in his torture castle. “I support my darling black African woman. I admire and am very proud of the way she leans back and gives orders to the Arab leaders … Leezza, Leezza, Leezza. … I love her very much,” is apparently something he actually said during the first head of state interview we know of to be conducted while masturbating. It’s sort of natural, though, isn’t it, for Gaddafi to want to _______ Condi? (We cannot find a verb to put there that doesn’t turn our brain to poop, so go ahead and Mad Lib that one yourselves.) How many other ladies does Gaddafi know who got to run around the world with a top spot in a murderous regime and can keep a carefully maintained, famously weird hairdo? These two have “OKCupid profile match” written all over them, basically. Read more on Condi Rice Photos Are Moammar Gaddafi’s Dictator Porn of Choice…

Once upon a time there was a magical fairy princess who toured the world in S&M dungeon garb conducting fake affairs with Canadian dignitaries, and at night she would go home and polish off whole bottles of lukewarm ten-dollar Chardonnay while eating microwave popcorn and weeping silently to reruns of What Not to Wear. Her name was Condoleezza Rice, and for a short time this beloved conservative icon was thought to be shoo-in for VP or maybe even President, until people decided that any unmarried exercise freak in her forties was probably a lesbian. Read more on Carly Fiorina Earns Coveted (?) Endorsement From Condi Rice…

Hooray for VIDEO FRIDAY, yes? Now you will watch this video. Condi Rice teaches at Stanford again and recently attended this Dorm Reception to meet the rich liberal bastards, who decided to harass her, about torture. We encourage you to watch the whole clip, because she gets progressively snippier as it goes on. “Sorry, you’re wrong,” she tells this little douche, who suggests that the Nazis were a bigger threat than Al Qaeda and she’s like, “Uhh you’re retarded.” Finally she just says “Do your homework.” Also she does not think that waterboarding is torture, so that is kind of the “fundamental issue” here. [SFist]
Read more on Snobby Elitist College Nerds Attack Condi, Condi Fights Back…

You may have forgotten about this with glamorous President Obama hogging the airwaves last evening, but another famous celebrity appeared on the teevee last night! It was that lady, Condoleezza Rice, who made history by becoming the first Secretary of State to wear sexy dominatrix outfits on foreign junkets. She chatted a few minutes with Jay Leno, who gets all the good bookings these days. (Letterman is too busy having sex with his new wife, to whom he finally lost his virginity several days ago.) [NBC]
Read more on Condi On Leno…

Condoleezza Rice just signed a $2.5 million contract to write three books about 1) her years in the Bush Administration and 2) her life. It will be so awesome to read about all the terrible throwdowns she got into drunk, and that time she engaged in a crack-fueled confrontation with Ohio cops and got arrested for a bunch of felonies, and that other time she got a root canal WITHOUT ANESTHESIA because she knew she’d go back on the sauce if she had just a whiff of narcotics. Read more on Condi Rice To Write Several Books!…

Poor Hillary Clinton, who spends literally all of her time sending out spoofed Joe Biden emails begging donations for her massive campaign debt, has yet another financial indignity on her horizon: She’ll make $4,700 less per year than the current black Secretary of State, because that’s how Barack Obama’s America rolls. Read more on Hillary Clinton Will Make $4,700 Less Per Year Than Condoleezza Rice…

Thanks to Condoleezza Rice, little schoolchildren all over the world now believe that you can grow up to be an accomplished concert pianist and an embarrassing failure at national defense, security, and diplomacy. On a farewell trip to London, Condi showed off her mad piano-in’ skillz for the Queen and everybody wondered what exciting talents Hillary Clinton might display as Secretary of State. (Hint: worm fiddling.) [ITN]
Read more on Condi Plays Piano For The Queen…