God, Please Put Me Back Together

It was a dark night in Japan in 1991. I lived with a band of fatigue that stretched across my forehead about the level of my eyes. The vision impairment, with which I was born, had worn me down after two years of living in that city of 30 million. I loved the ministry, the pastoring and the people who attended Yokota Christian Center. I wanted things to go well, but for my body things were falling apart.

As I spent private time with the Lord one evening I simply blurted out, “Lord, I feel shattered into a thousand pieces.” The Lord didn’t respond by saying, “I’ll put you back together—everything will be alright.” No, nothing like that happened. Instead, in my spirit I felt God say, “I’ll use every piece to feed my people.” Not exactly what I wanted to hear—I wanted healing, deliverance.

Looking back 21 years to that evening in Japan, I now thank the Lord for running my life in his way, his infinitely wise way. Comfort and Encouragement Ministries exists because God didn’t heal me and still has not. But, all the pieces of my shattered dreams of living and working overseas now feed people who are hurting. Furthermore, the Lord has drawn me closer to himself because of my pain he chose to not heal, but use in preparing me to help his people. “My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life,” Psalm 119:50.