Sunday, November 24, 2013

I can't really fathom the fact that I am no longer studying. I have yet to decide what to do with my future. Should I continue learning on a higher level? If so, where should I go? Thinking about all the costs for me to continue studying is really discouraging me. But I really do want to. Some say go get myself a job first. Get your own money and then continue. But I have the feeling that once I'm working, I won't have the same drive to study anymore.

Option number two, start working. Be the greatest teacher that I can ever be. But to do that I would have to wait to be placed in a school that I have no idea about. And that scares me too.

I did got an offer to teach. But that would mean that I would have to live in Shah Alam, but my housemates and I have decided to let go of our place. And I really do need to learn how to drive so that I will get my own driving license so that I won't be much of a trouble to others. I know some of them don't mind, but I really do feel bad.

All this has been inside my head lately. But that is not all there is in there. I'm thinking about my parents and their health. They are not as strong as they used to be. Living here with them not earning money is making me feel like such a burden. And seeing most of my friends already filling their own pockets is such a pressure. some have even started their own little family while I'm here alone and single.

Like the words in the famous Disney animated movie Tangled, "When will my life begin?"

As for now, all I am able to do is wait patiently and figure out what the next step is. I can only pray that things will fall into place.

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Zakian Sulhi

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Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me. ~Bella