‘He didn’t. Vigmed did. He’d more access to what Liam O’Dourke, Kim Kent and Piper Hipp have been up for the Simgurus at the Bloom Institute than he was letting on. Not only creating new Simmies, but copying objects from elsewhere – including those from those other rumoured dimensions. Judging by the patterns on the stones, this came from the one called Skyrim.’

‘I’ve been thinking, shipmate. There’s a place called Glendonnach where items such as this have been mysteriously appearing for sometime, and there’s been a bit of competition between the Bureau Of Fresh Fields In Natural Science and the Council of the United Nations of the Sims over who gets to keep each one for research. But there’s also been rumours others like the Berry Sweets and NRaas Industries have also been sticking their noses in.’

‘Still don’t see what that has to do with our search for the Winterbottom treasures?’

‘One of the rumours about Gilbert Winterbottom was some of his artifacts were fakes – manufactured for him by a cohort. Traces of soil on items meant to have come from Al-Simhara or elsewhere were not compatible with the local soil from those areas – but perfect matches to that of Glendonnach.’

‘Goes with the territory. Those Allan Quartermain types were never completely honest. I suppose that explains his obsession with completing his dig at the Tomb of Massamesses The Second against all common sense – wanting to keep up appearences.’

‘If Gilbert was a fraud, why not do what plenty others did – bury fakes in the place he was intending to excavate to ensure they had the correct soil traces on them? What if these items were genuinely appearing from elsewhere? What if there was a natural, if fantastical, explanation?’

‘Such as?’

‘Through a natural glitch? A natural glitch like a wild, raw version of a LLAMA transporter?’

‘Sounds a bit far fetched? Wouldn’t such a phenomena have been detected by now?’

‘Only if scientists were looking for it in the first place. They wouldn’t pay attention to any rumours of mysterious phenomena as anything other than unscientific superstitious nonsense … ‘

‘ … and the locals knowing better wouldn’t want to draw attention to it themselves if they were profiting from it or feared their town being sealed off and everyone being evicted like happened to Roseward … and other such places over the last few years – holy crap! Didn’t the Council of the United Nations of the Sims fall out with Rflong7/13 and Nilxis because they wouldn’t allow inspection teams into their lands over “radioactive leaks” – what if they weren’t radioactive at all, but something else?’

‘Exactly! Look at Moonlight Falls – famous precisely because it’s the only supernatural town that’s ever been tolerated! Look at the complete animal panic about the Weather Stones appearing all over the world. There’s something bigger than this old Winterbottom treasure we’ve stumbled into – maybe the very thing which caused him to vanish. But to find out, we’re going to have to head to The Kingdom and enlist the help of an old friend…’

‘Hey, you little pecker head! What are you doing in here? This is restricted access, inmates only!’

[in hideously false Belgravian Received Pronunciation accent] ‘Oh my! Well, it appears the game is well and truly up – ha ha ha ha! The door was unlocked, a large pristine block of virgin ice in attendance, and such has been the inspiration from this establishment, permeating my very bones, one felt the irresistible impetus … to create! ‘

‘Wha …. like … you … did that? ‘

‘Alas! A travesty to the muse, I concur – and not one of my finer works. Perhaps … at best a work in progress … yes, yes, with the correct deliberation and application, one may find the elaboration that will do true justice to the work with a chisel, wand and these poor hands.’

‘Holy plumbobs, kid – it’s fantastic! Where did you learn to sculpture like that?’

‘Ah, you jest Sir – too kind, too kind! I say – you think it is of some merit?’

‘Kid, I’d give both my arms to be able to produce a work of art like that.’

‘Well dear sir, if one did so, one would be the Venus de Milo – a ha ha ha ha ha.’

‘Ahahahahahahha.’

‘A-ha, hah, indeed, quite!’

‘Seriously kid, you ought to be in art school doing stuff like this at such an early age. I bet there’s museums and galleries crying out for works like this.’

‘I say, strange that you should say that, my dear fellow. I was commissioned in the spring by the fine arts patron Gaia Nicolosi to do a tryptich on a theme of my choice and two statues on the theme of Susan Wainwright. This was after she espied last year’s exhibition at the Museum D’Art in Monte Vista: which one confesses to approaching with some trepidation, but settled upon a theme which was to their satisfaction…’

‘Whoa! You’ve had an art exhibition? In one of the world’s top art museums?’

‘Oh, please forgive me, it wasn’t as splendid as it sounds – merely a three month installation, rotational with La Gallerie d’Art in Champs Les Sims and the Paul A. Wilkes Natural Museum in Hidden Springs. One had reservations from an appreciation of how the aura of the different motifs within each establishment made resonant the larger dichotomies between my own work and those existent within …’

‘Eh?’

‘I’m sorry, one should have elaborated – what must you think of me, ahaha! For example, how does one juxtapose the Outsider art within the Paul Wilkes to those from an actual outsider more accommodating to the larger world, but I was assured that it was this very paradox they wished to explore in order to challenge both patron and passer-by alike to form a symbiosis and synergy.’

‘Uhhhhh….’

‘It was of course a risk, but I’ve long been fascinated by the theoretical limits of meaning. What starts out as hope soon becomes corrupted into a dialectic of power, leaving only a sense of chaos and the dawn of a new synthesis. As shimmering forms become transformed through boundaried and personal practice, the viewer is left with an insight into the edges of our world through the mediums we have – both material and sensorial.’