Now playing

September 30, 2005

There are myriad problems getting up as early as I do, but a major one is how the early hour weakens my already bad memory. Today I forgot to put on earrings before leaving the house! Giant gold hoops are, like, part of my "look." I am pretty sure I won't be able to take it by lunchtime and will probably haul ass to Macy's and buy some new ones just to get through the day! (I think that is only, like, 62% neurotic.)

Speaking of folks who deserve whatever pain that the righteous universe cares to inflict upon them, moralist/author Bill "Can You Point Me to the Slot Machines?" Bennett lobbies for a lower circle in hell with his remarks yesterday -- "I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down." (For real!) But wait, does this mean he supports abortion rights? God, these assholes sure are confusing. Who can keep track anymore?

And, speaking of inflicting pain on folks, new and likely hella gruesome photos are going to be released from Abu Ghraib, as per court order. Get ready to be horrified by your fellow Americans!

September 29, 2005

For those of you playing along at home, the attempts of the officeplex to kill me by massive heart attack continue. This morning when I came into my office, what should I encounter? (Not miniature unicorns, sadly.) A newly installed doorbell. Which no one told me about. So, of course, because I am paranoid and crazy, when I heard it, I just assumed that it was a trigger for, like, an explosive device, so I screamed and ran back down the hall at the top speed that Donna Karan mules would allow (that is, not particularly fast -- I would rather die in a fireball than lose these shoes, they are j'adorable). In the absence of a wall of flame consuming me, I did manage to make a second approach, successfully walking in the door, but good God, it's been more than an hour and I am still having panic attacks.

Seen/heard: Ha ha, oh, karma is such a bitch, isn't it, Tom? More great news: I can delay quitting the cigarettes as I eat practically nothing but soy and veggies! (Except toast, of course. I do eat a fuckload of toast.) Erin, this one's for you -- Joss Whedon-athon. Sassy is finally dead, and I mean not just lacking soul, but cold and corpselike; in short, Jane (Pratt) leaves Jane magazine. The Post-Gazette comes out as pro-facts in the nouveau Scopes Trial going down in PA. (That's...reassuring, I guess.)

September 27, 2005

Thank goodness FEMA is keeping Michael Brown on the job so he can evaluate what those losers who used to run it did wrong in Katrina. I sure hope we are paying this guy enough! Oh, wait, what's that you say? He was the loser who used to run it? Uhm...well, that makes a lot less sense then.

(See also: smoking-hot liberal pundit/"West Wing" scribe Lawrence O'Donnell's awesome remarks on the mental illness of the Bush administration. Ooh, snap! Then again, maybe they're just all totally wasted. I did some pretty inadvisable things while drinking -- as Erin says, "Drink tequila, go to jail!" I am sure starting a war in Iraq is, like, totally the same as the time I slept with that guy with the rilly, rilly hairy arms! Like, you know? [Hair twirl.])

In other news, I am not too proud to say that I cried and cried after the Steelers game on Sunday. I said it before and I'll say it again: New England is clearly trying to kill me. The cold weather, the isolation, the desolate landscapes, the sugary Pepperidge Farms cookies, the inexplicable pickup trucks with confederate flags (seriously, people!) and the fucking stone-cold evil genius of Bill Belichick -- it's all working against me. It's a wonder that I can sleep at night.

September 23, 2005

I have a question: how is it that, when I am looking at the news and seeing the photos of people trying to leave Houston, that there are only 2 lanes going either way for large stretches? I mean, isn't Houston, like, big? I know with everyone trying to get out it seems obviously retarded (evacuate to...uh, the highway where you will get drowned/blown away!) but I was thinking last night, that must be really heinous traffic even without an evacuation. Poor Houston! I'll bet your Senator had bought you some fancy new Bridge to Nowhere or something so you could get out of doom's path!

Also, I have an exclamation: OMG, the anticipation of the Steelers-Pats matchup this weekend may prove to be too much for me!

September 22, 2005

The Thursday Style section and I have become as one yet again: I hate those assholes with the double-wide strollers also! Mr. Pink and I have been kicking around getting a taser to deal with it when we venture into civilization.

September 21, 2005

Hey Californians -- do you guys ever feel like you would do anything to make your governor stop saying "California"? Something about the way Schwarzenegger says it, ooh, it just makes me feel unstable! "Cah-leee-faaahr-neee-aaah," gross!

Whoops, I've fallen into that nasty habit of being too busy to post again. Sorry. But I did want to report, I think I saw a cockroach or something bad in my officeplex's ladies' room this morning. I came out of the stall and something went scuttering. I don't know of anything cuddly that scuttles, do you? (I welcome suggestions, I would like to come up with something so I don't have to avoid the ladies' room for the rest of my life. If you can support the idea that it was, say, a miniature unicorn or a very small puppy, I would be quite interested in your evidence.) It all was very much like an episode of "Buffy," and I was paralyzed as to whether I should just hide in the bathroom for the rest of the day rather than have to walk past the place where that whatever the hell it was disappeared to, or if I should run like hell back to my office and throw my eyes out of focus, hoping for the best.

September 15, 2005

First, the news: a newly released memo reveals that our alien overlord -- err, I mean Michael Chertoff -- was actually the bigger asshole in the Katrina response scenario. Turns out, the recently sacked ex-FEMA honcho, Michael Brown, didn't have much authority to do the kind of common-sense things like, uhm, doing anything. Anything at all. So basically, the guy who's in charge of us people in the event that there is a massive terrorist attack or supervolcano eruption has kinda slow reflexes. Excellent, exactly what we should be looking for in a Homeland Security Chief, don't you agree?

But on the brightish side, it seems like Massachusetts lawmakers have tentatively decided that same-sex marriage hasn't resulted in the kinds of rivers turned to blood, rampant dog-fucking and riots-in-the-street that were initially suspected. Whoa, who knew?

September 14, 2005

Seen/heard: fashion show review (incl. Marc Jacobs, mmm); more fashion week; Pittsburgh film center merging with arts center, hopefully art film with a Pittsburgh accent will emerge as end product; passing the time while watching Roberts hearing; Bush almost-kinda-sorta takes some blame for complete and utter failure of federal response to Katrina (transl.: "If what I did hurt your feelings, then I'm sorry," not unlike passive-aggressive fights in the Pink household); excellent suggestions for Dem strategy in post-Katrina news cycle; dude, Ohio, what the fuck is going on over there?; oh, Brokeback Mountain, can't wait.

September 12, 2005

The Steelers won this weekend. (Sidebar: yeah, bitches!) So did the Saints. On that tip, might I direct you football fans to the always-thought-provoking King Kaufman's column today on the media's extrapolation of a "feel good" narrative relating to football and the hurricane. (Another angle, of course, as can always be found in issues of both politics and sports.)

BTW, may I just say, oh sweet Jesus, I hope nobody is inviting Novak to the good parties anymore. Because if what he says in his latest column is true about Priscilla Owens being considered for the Supreme Court is true? Then...then...well, shit, I don't even know. I have typed about a hundred things in this space about what I would do if it all came true, most of them including words like "country-wide spree," "concealed weapon" and "rampage." But nothing I can come up with sounds apocalyptic enough! I even tried "plague of boils," but that sounds so namby-pamby these days.