Early today I was at the supermarket and I came across an attractive lady browsing the donut table. Since I am always flirting and never miss an opportunity to show I am a twit wit, I pulled out my best pick-up lines thus:

1 - Oh, I wanted that one... (when she reached for a box of donuts.)

failed (but I got a smile)

2 - at the deli counter I took a ticket, waiting to be served. The count was at 21 and I pulled ticket #82 since ticket dispenser was not in use. She reached to get a ticket, I said "Here, you can have mine..."

failed (she said that was generous of me, I said "#82, I'm just kidding...)

3 - we bumped shopping carts turning a corner, and I said "you know, 3 times and we are automatically friends. Or maybe you heard that I won $20,000,000 in the lottery and you are stalking me."

epic fail. Nervous smile.

After that, a staff member followed me though the store
until I finished shopping, and out to my car. I think he wrote down my
license plate number.

Well I guess being a funny guy can be taken two ways. Ha-Ha funny or Ewweew funny.

(This is a true story. At one time these lines would have worked. Now that I have gotten old, fat, wrinkled, old and fat, and... OK, I have a bad memory too, none of this crap works any more. Shit, I don't remember if it ever did. Damn. Any help would be appreciated.) COMMENT BELOW.

Christine
Nelson was a singer and comedian who was featured as Katie Jones on "The
Ray Bolger Show" in the 1954-55 television season. Over the years she
performed with Milton Berle and Joey Bishop on their TV shows and on the
old "Hollywood Palace" variety program. Source LA Times

~~~

Comedienne
Christine Nelson is a short-haired beauty who does a little comedy then
bursts into a really great old-fashioned vaudeville number, "I'm a
Bridesmaid, Never a Bride."
She's by no means a stripper, but burlesque had several standard
components that rarely varied, & the "talking woman" was one of the
requisit standards. Very rarely as with burlesque superstar Rose la Rose
the stripper had a talking woman act, but in most cases the talking
woman was a comic or a comic foil to the emcee or the baggy-pants clown.
Christine, however, is much more an authentic stand-up comic than
usually required of the talking-woman.
She seems like someone who cut her teeth in the Borsch belt or did
Yiddish theater before the war. Christine had a minor acting career in
series television through the 1960s. I rather liked her old-fashioned
stand-up routine, consisting largely of one-liners strung together as a
sort of a story: "If all brides are beautiful how come there are so
many ugly wives?" or "He put his head on my shoulder. Up until then I
didn't know it came off." Source: weirdwildrealm

Sorry for the delay! I had to stop on the way home and gather up a box of kittens that were loose on the expressway next to their dead momma cat, then feed them and find them homes. Yeah, that's true you dumb shit.

"(Bob) Morris (Indiana) alleged that the Girl Scouts of America and the World
Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts "have entered into a close
strategic affiliation with Planned Parenthood," which he claimed is
trying to "sexualiz(e) young girls through the Girl Scouts."

Even
worse, he wrote, only three of the 50 role models promoted by the Girl
Scouts have even "a briefly-mentioned religious background." "All the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists..." And there's more, read the full story before your next meal!

VS-UC editorial:

Jeez, where do I begin? How did this person get elected without a clause requiring that he continue medication or suffer a recall? Are these the wishes and desires of his constituents?

In a related story, the representative from the colorfully named sister city Dodge Reason, Indiana, Independent Party rep Sly Douche (the French pronunciation) stood firm behind his brother representative, confirming that the Boy Scout organization is, in fact, run by aliens, "the kind from another world", he said, adding quickly that he did not want to offend traditional good 'ole "foreign invaders" from places like Mexico and, say, Guam. His quote: "them there alien Boy Scout leaders are, by definition, godless since they were not created by the Big Guy himself, who is not a fan of mixing cultures, lesbians and commies - and yes, that's in the O-riginal bible."

He went on to say that he and Bob Morris will form a partnership against the Girl and Boy Scouts, using the catchphrase "But That Ain't Right!" and hope that other "But Buddies" join them in their righteous cause.

"Take that first left on your right and drive until you pass the sign that is about 3 miles past the last sign before the first big oak tree (you can't miss it), until you are out of state. Then go back one mile to the trailer park near the burned-out street light (its gotta be night time of course), unless you get out of the car and its windy 'cause the pole sways, that's a dead giveaway that you are close. Stop the first Jewish person you see and ask him where to go, he will definitely know the rest of the way."

When I was a kid I thought vaudeville was a place, a town, somewhere in the Poconos, the Catskills, or New York for sure. And it had a big stage.But now, I stand corrected. And Wikipedia has done it for me.

The origin of the term is obscure, but is often explained as being derived from the expression voix de ville, or "voice of the city." Another plausible etymology finds origins in the French Vau de Vire, a valley in Normandy noted for its style of satirical songs with topical themes. The term vaudeville, referring specifically to North American variety entertainment, came into common usage after 1871 with the formation of Sargent's Great Vaudeville Company of Louisville, Kentucky. It had little, if anything, to do with the Comédie en vaudeville of the French theatre. Read more here.

We got 122 answers to our survey question, which asked readers to describe themselves by answering the question "I Am...".

A professional comedian

3

2%

An amateur/rising comedian

11

9%

A comedy album collector

39

32%

A collector but rarely listen to albums

3

2%

Interested in research material

19

16%

A frequent listener of comedy albums

46

38%

A casual/rare visitor to this blog

1

1%

Votes

122

100%

We currently have about 280 readers with access to this blog, and given that more than one answer could be chosen we can guesstimate that as many as half responded to the survey. The smarter half, I might add. The funnier half. The handsomer and more beautiful half. The... oh, you get the idea. Next survey - take it! - and include yourself among the smarter/funnier/better looking half.

How will these results be used?

Clearly, the largest share of responses came from those who listen to and collect albums, with another healthy chunk interested in research material. So the posted material seems to meet your expectations, and I will continue with the current mix.

And I'm pleased that another nice chunk of responses came from professional and amateur comedians; it would be nice to hear if they are looking for something that is missing from this blog, since they provide that which is the source of our addiction, "funny stuff." So let's hear from you! Oh, I forgot, comedians are the shy type, they have nothing to say about anything! So I guess I won't hear from any of youIN THE COMMENT AREA BELOW.

Rhino's 2002 release The Anthology: 1968-1992 is essentially the
highlights from their seminal 2000 box set, And It's Deep Too!, which
contained the complete recordings (more or less) of Richard Pryor, the
greatest comedian of his time and one of the great cultural forces of
the 20th century. Since this is a clear case of recycling, it could be
argued by some curmudgeons that there simply isn't a point behind this
release, since it was all reissued. They're wrong, of course, since this
not only does an excellent job of rounding up much of the greatest and
best-known of his classic albums, but it provides a succinct, welcoming
introduction to a large body of work -- something that simply couldn't
be said about the lavish box set, no matter how great it is. Here, on
the course of two discs (whose selections lean heavily on the
breakthrough That Nigger's Crazy and Wanted/Richard Pryor Live in
Concert), neophytes get a needed crash course in Pryor, not only through
the great material, but with a terrific essay from Walter Mosley
(originally published in the box), plus a nice introduction from Reggie
Collins and Steve Pokorny that gently (and deservedly) plugs the larger
set. If you have that set, you don't need this, but if you're curious,
start here and don't be surprised if you invest in And It's Deep Too!
not long afterward. Source: AllMusic

A longtime fixture of radio's Howard Stern Show,
comedian Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling was born and raised on Long
Island, NY, earning a degree in mechanical engineering from Michigan
State University in 1971. He initially pursued a career in rock &
roll with his college band the Pillowcayse, and after relocating to
Denver, CO, in 1973, he formed a new group, the Off-Hours Rockers;
however, Martling always harbored a love for comedy, and was famed among
his friends for a seemingly inexhaustible supply of jokes. After the
band dissolved in 1978, he began working comic bits into his solo
musical act, eventually trying out his stand-up routine on open-mike
night at New York City's Catch a Rising Star. He continued polishing his
craft in small clubs, and in 1979 issued his debut LP, What Did You
Expect? Martling released two more albums, 1980's Goin' Ape! and 1981's
Normal People Are People You Don't Know That Well, sending all three
records to then-unknown New York radio personality Howard Stern. By
1986, he was a full-time member of Stern's show, later becoming the
program's head writer. Despite call-in listeners' regular admonition
"Eff Jackie!," Martling enjoyed sufficient popularity to issue a series
of new comedy records, among them Sgt. Pecker, Hot Dogs & Donuts,
Snart, and The Very Best of Jackie Martling's Talking Joke Book
Cassettes, Vol. 1, and maintained a steady schedule of live dates as
well. Source: itunes

01 Lipstick on My Dipstick02 The Saran Wrap Stomp03 If You Knew Suzie Like I Knew Suzie04 Legs Are A Girl's Best Friend05 I Laid My Peach on the Beach and Got Sand in the Fuzz06 You Can Pick Your Nose and You can Pick Your Friends07 I've Grown Accustomed to My Fist08 The Ballad of the Dated Divorcee09 She Can't Wrestle10 The Enlisted Bed Wetter's Waltz

He began his career in various
musical groups, including the Bon-Bons, 1939-1941; performed as comedian
in nightclubs and on recordings, 1941-1991; performed with Slappy
White, 1947-1951. Television series included Sanford and Son, 1972-1977; The Redd Foxx Comedy Hour , 1977-1978; Sanford, 1980-1981; The Redd Foxx Show, 1986, The Royal Family, 1991. Source: Answers.com

Recorded Live at the Redd Foxx Club, La Cienga Boulevard, Hollywood, California.

Hip
Poet and american monologist, Lord Buckley very much enjoyed smoking
marijuana. He wrote reports of his first experiences with LSD, under the
supervision of Dr. Oscar Janiger, and of his trip in a United States
Air Force jet.

In October 1960 he was scheduled to play club dates and do another Ed
Sullivan show in New York, but his New York City Cabaret Card was
seized, purportedly because of a 1941 arrest for cannabis
possession. Such cards were necessary to appear in nightclubs and were
often withheld for political reasons, and as a way to solicit payoffs.
Without the card he was unable to perform. He attempted to get the card
reinstated and more than three dozen major figures in the entertainment
and arts world showed up for a hearing on the matter. Buckley died at
Columbus Hospital. A hearing held two days after his death turned into a
raucous confrontation between Police Commissioner Stephen Kennedy and
Buckley's friends and supporters, including Quincy Jones, George
Plimpton, Norman Mailer and Norman Podhoretz. The scandal of Buckley's
death, attributed at least in part to his loss of the card, led to the
removal of Kennedy and the abolition of the cabaret card system. Source: FamousFriendsOf Canabis

Hugo
&amp; Luigi were an American record producing team, made up of
songwriters and producers Luigi Creatore and Hugo Peretti, who shared an
office in New York's Brill Building. Besides their working relationship, the two were cousins.

First
coming to attention with singles released on Mercury Records in the
mid-1950s, they went on to produce Perry Como, Elvis Presley, Sam Cooke
and other artists for RCA Victor, including the hit records "Twistin'
The Night Away", "Another Saturday Night", "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" by
The Tokens, the Isley Brothers's classic "Shout", and Little Peggy
March's "I Will Follow Him". They co-wrote Presley's hit "Can't Help
Falling in Love", with George David Weiss. They also produced albums by
Della Reese including The Classic Della, a collection of pop songs based on classical themes and Waltz With Me, Della,
a collection of popular songs in 3/4 time. Their track, "La Plume de Ma
Tante" reached #29 in the UK Singles Chart in July 1959.

Hugo &amp; Luigi were also onetime co-owners of Roulette Records.
Songs composed by the duo were often credited to "Mark Markwell", and
records they produced carried their distinct logo. While at Roulette
Hugo and Luigi did a series of Beautiful Music recordings of "Cascading
Voices" and later "Cascading Strings."

After founding Avco Records
and producing artists such as The Stylistics in the 1970s, Hugo
&amp; Luigi launched a new label, H&amp;L Records, which they
ran until they retired, at the end of the decade. Source: Wikipedia

William Melvin "Bill" Hicks (December 16, 1961 – February 26, 1994) was
an American stand-up comedian, social critic, satirist, and musician.
His humor challenged mainstream beliefs, aiming to "enlighten people to
think for themselves." Hicks used a ribald approach to express his
material, describing himself as "Chomsky with dick jokes", while
conceding that his humor was "caring". His material largely consisted of
general discussions about society, religion, politics, philosophy and
personal issues. Hicks' material was often controversial and steeped in
dark comedy. In both his stand-up performances and during interviews, he
often criticized consumerism, superficiality, mediocrity and banality
within the media and popular culture, describing them as oppressive
tools of the ruling class, meant to "keep people stupid and apathetic."

Hicks died of pancreatic cancer in 1994 at the age of 32. In the years
after his death, his work and legacy achieved the significant admiration
and acclaim of numerous comedians, writers, actors and musicians alike.
In 2007 he was voted the 6th greatest stand-up comic on the UK's
Channel 4's 100 Greatest Stand-Ups and again in the updated 2010 list as
the 4th greatest stand-up comic. Source: Anarcho-punk.net

This album was recorded over two nights at Caroline's in New York City.

01 Modern Bummer 6:3402 Flying Saucer Tour 3:2103 Smoking 5:3004 We Live In A World... 10:5105 The War On Drugs 9:1406 Burning Issues 4:0007 I Love My Job 1:3408 My Parents 5:2709 Please Do Not Disturb 7:0210 The Vision 0:58

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