Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Sissy.

Hey, Japan! You know how you enjoy pretending that you will take all comers in giant war-robots that wield samurai laser swords and are capable of merging with other giant war-robots into extremely giant war-robots? That's pretty tough. Mix in a sprinkling of Ninjas, and the impression that we get is that you are a nation filled with tough, plucky dudes willing to go the distance in a fight.

Except for this:

No one is going to run in fear of your giant war-robots when you run in fear of an admittedly large American simply taking his base after you plunk him. Like, I know that there was about a nano-second there when it looked like he was charging the mound, but the replay shows pretty clearly that the real problem is that your pitchers are evidently incapable of pulling thier skirts up when they play.

Also, you have a team called the "Swallows". Really? Was "Chickadees" taken? Are there no predatory birds in Japan suitable for a team name? Additionally, you do realize you have a team called the "Ham Fighters", right?. What are we to think of all this, Japan? You run away at the drop of a hat, one team is named after the lamest bird ever, and the best thing you could think to fight is ham. I need only point out, again, that this is the land of the Ninja.

Sorry, Japan. You make awesome video games and home electronics, and having lived there for an extended period, I can vouch that the country is a delight. Unfortunately, you lack street cred and so I can never again wonder when the day will come that mech-battles will take place in the skies above Tokyo without laughing.