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Insight to childhood physical, sexual & emotional abuse

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Alternate Ending

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Rose is dressed in her white long nightgown and slowly walks towards the stern of the boat. The sky is black and she is deep in thought. When she finally reaches it immediately grabs hold of the rail and steps up on the first rung with her bare foot. The wind is slightly moving and her beautifully messy white hair whips around her face. She looks out at the ocean below and she is reminded she has been here before. A time long ago when she debated jumping from a much larger boat and while remembering this she smiles.

The camera pulls back to see Brock (Titanic’s treasure hunter) and Lizzy (Rose’s granddaughter) having a conversation nearby. Suddenly Lizzy looks up and sees her grandmother standing at the end of boat and fears for her safety. Brock and Lizzy call after Rose and run to her. A conversation ensues and then Rose finally reveals she’s had the “Heart of the Ocean” the entire time. She holds it up ready to toss it in the ocean where she believes it belongs. Brock panics and begs her to allow him to hold it in his hand even if it’s just for a moment. She lowers it into his grasp where he stares in awe of the magnificent and brilliant diamond. In the end Rose tosses it into the ocean while Brock watches with a jittery laugh while his search crew thinks they’ve all lost it!

Wait what?!!

I’ve watched the 1997 movie Titanic a thousand times and this is not how the movie ends. Surprisingly there IS an alternate ending to mega box office hit film. I will attach a You Tube link (scroll to the bottom) of the Soul Sparks tab of this blog where you can watch it for yourself. While I enjoyed viewing it I must say that I can understand why they opted for the other ending. It was the right choice.

There have been many times in my life I’ve wished for alternate endings. A chance for things to be different – to be made right. Currently at the top of my list is the death of my father. The phone call I received after dinner on April 7, 2017 will forever be engraved in mind and soul. The news of his sudden death permanently solidified our separation on earth. Even a year later it’s hard to accept the fact that it’s over. I wish so much that a lot of things could’ve been different between us, but that wasn’t the ending that was written.

Thinking back to the beginning our our relationship I realize it was built on a shaky foundation. Love existed but danger did too. You see we had inherited so many secrets and lies. The desecration of our family slowly seeped into every area and hindered my relationship with my dad. In case you’re wondering he never hurt me sexually or physically in any way or at any time. He did, however, look the other way. He refused to stand up for me and many times blamed me, and this caused even more pain.

“No no I don’t want to hear it – that was a long time ago so just get over it”.

His words stung and immediately a tidal wave of emotions crashed all over me.

“How can you say that?” I said in a tone that made me feel vulnerable and weak and I hated myself for it.

With a slight snicker he replied “Your problem is that you won’t give it God.”

Anger, sadness, disgust and disbelief became so powerful inside that I felt like it would swallow me whole. His disregard to my safety and well-being was a huge chasm in our relationship. Although this pattern repeated itself many times throughout the years he was still my father and I loved him.

He firmly believed that family was everything and you never ever went against them. Ironically it was also what divided our trust and confidence and hindered the bond between us. He also had a loving and funny side too. I loved our walks to the park and barbecues in the backyard. Or how he would sing “La Mananitas” to me each year on my birthday. My dad was the first person who told me that I could be anything in life – something I have tried to instill in my own children.

Here’s the thing- a lot of child abuse is perpetrated by family members. In my case it was very much true. A report is made every 10 seconds, but I think about how many more cases go unreported. Why? Maybe other families share my father’s view on family and choose to deny and remain silent. It is possible to change family history and eradicate child abuse. No more secrets – misplaced loyalty – or willingness to look the other way.

So many families hold terrible secrets that continue to be passed down from generation to generation. It’s incredulous to think how long these sick acts go unquestioned or stopped because it’s family. Our children are worth stepping out of our comfort zone. They are worth our love and protection. It is possible to establish a strong sense of family without continuing to sacrifice our children. It’s time for change, healing and most of all an alternate ending.