Wednesday, September 12, 2007

TODAY IN ATTEMPTING TO JOG: As my good friend Stacey so brilliantly observed a few months ago: Fall is the time when you go "OK, now I am going to be serious and eat right, be more productive, and engage in a vigorous new exercise routine." (not a direct quote, as I am not Truman Capote and don't remember "words".)

So I decided to take up jogging. But not JUST jogging. But a CROSS TRAINING jogging program that my friend James just began. I woke up at 7:30am and stretched out a bit in my room and texted him "be there in eight", meaning the 8 minutes it will take me to walk out side and leisurely stroll down the four blocks to his house, sans cell phone as I assumed I would be running so hard that it would be sent flying out of my jogging vest. (red)

When I arrived at James' place he was not outside. Minutes passed and still no sign of my jogging buddy. I realized three things: 1) no cell phone 2) buzzer doesn't work 3) throw rocks at the window.

Many things on the street look like rocks that aren't rocks. Most of them are gum, some of them are rotting fruit, and some of them are indentations on the side walk that you thought at first glance were 3-D. Eventually,I found a few chunks of cement and started hurling them at James' window.

Having seen this scenario so many times in romantic films, I figured it would be an easy thing to do and not look crazy at the same time. Apparently, that's wrong. The construction workers across the street began hooting and pedestrians made huge arcs to the opposite side of the sidewalk to avoid me. The only time I stopped was when a little girl walked by, because I didn't want her to look at me and think she should ever turn out this way.

Eventually a woman in a pick up truck pulled up to the side walk behind me. I pretended to be looking at the brick detail of the apartment next door as she let herself into James' building. As soon as she was gone I started to fling cement bits again, flinching ever time it hit anything that wasn't the window, which was every other time but once.

Five minutes passed and pick-up truck leaned out her window on the second floor.

"Who are you looking for?" She asked me, in a sort of I-feel-really-bad-for- you-because-you-might-have-aspergers kind of voice. I told her that I was suppose to jog with James in 2R and she disappeared, apparently to knock on his door and let him know that his autistic friend was waiting for him.

Finally he skipped out the door telling me I was ten minutes early. I tried to argue saying that we had AGREED on 7:45am the day before, but he cited my last text which read "see you in eight" meaning, to him, see you at 8am. Which, of course, is how any normal person would take read it, as 8 minutes is, literally, the most RANDOM amount of time anyone could ever project on an arrival, and 8am is a very common time to meet. There for I lost twice.

Also, jogging made even my teeth hurt. Which was more frightening then it sounds. It kind of sounds cute. But its not. You don't EVER want to feel your teeth.