Brings to mind when the lady therapist I spoke with at Chapman University two years ago told me "Pretend your mother's sitting there on that couch. Tell her how you feel". I went about half-crazy. Refused to do so. Could'nt do it. And she thought with her limited experience trying to get her Marriage & Family Planning degree having to do this community service as a part of it,that I was overpowered by my mother's dominance because of the incest. Not so. It was for the therapist's sake I sat there quietly. For if I had spoke out I'd have needed dynamite,a .44 Magnum,M16 with full clips. The couch would no longer be there. Nor the room,nor institution. I would've laid waste to half the planet.

I cant get mad at my mom yet. It comes out wrong, like guilt. But i remember thinking, if somebody were to push me a little too hard, to fast, i would be bathing in blood. Sometimes i think about tearing out peoples jugular veins with my teeth, ripping out thier intestines with my bare hands.

But if you hold anger inside, it will kill you. It will drive the people closest to you away, force you to live alone, store up in your body until you get sick, sometimes even die. Chances are, if you have controlled your anger up until now, you wont snap. Just the oppisite, it will feel really good. It actually helps you get moving. It wont trap you if you dont let it. Using your anger instead of it using you is how you learn to have a life past whats happened to you.

Dont be afraid to feel, because thats what it means to be human. It has nothing to do with being a man, or being weak. Its life, pure and simple. Ask anybody here, they will tell you its a hell of a lot harder to feel than not too.

Listen to me. Other people, they take anger out on themselves, take it out on the world. I make speeches and plan for military conquest of Africa and South America. :rolleyes: Meanwhile i have a driving test next thursday and an appointment with my therapist tommorow. Id make a great politicion, i guess. Just have a hard time living with myself until i could believe my own bull.

My therapist said to close your eyes and think about doing something bad...this was yesterday. I did and he asked me what I was thinking about...I said ...Taking out one of my abusers...where he doesn't come back.... He said...My God you still have lots of anger there!!!! After a year and a half of therapy! Yeah so?...He said to work on it...K!!!

wow..work on it..humm wonder what u have been doing for the last year and half...lol.....thanks all....I was haveing a realy bad day and taking everything out on my wife and kids and they didnt deserve it so I just posted here to help and it did.....thanks all. lol..I like the smiles...hehehehe

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