While on a camping trip with her in-laws, Elizabeth Weil, author “No Cheating, No Dying: I Had a Good Marriage. Then I Tried to Make It Better” (Scribner) has an epiphane.

In a moment - taking in her husband's appreciation for her presence on the camping trip, years of concerted effort to transform a good marriage into a great marriage converge. And she reflects that though there are some generalities of a good marriage, her stance is that, "marriage, generally, is truly ridiculous, but I love Dan very, very specifically."

When the rays of romance transform to a deeper bond you can catch streams of light to the broader world beyond yourselves. Only if expectations are clear will that light draw you together to the same lens.

In a column that describes principles from a marriage enrichment program known as "the Third Option", steps turning expecation into hope is offered. To do this we must:

"I adopted the trainers' motto: "It's never the animal's fault." When my training attempts failed, I didn't blame Scott. Rather, I brainstormed new strategies, thought up more incompatible behaviors and used smaller approximations. I dissected my own behavior, considered how my actions might inadvertently fuel his. I also accepted that some behaviors were too entrenched, too instinctive to train away. You can't stop a badger from digging, and you can't stop my husband from losing his wallet and keys."

In a healthy marriage you have chosen to be “in love” with your best friend, which is really another way of saying that marriage requires going beyond being struck by Cupid's arrow, the single act used to symbolize how — in myth, movies, and literature...

A successful marital relationship has a good communication style as the primary predictor of its success. The communication is effective, immediate, and results oriented, meaning it modifies behavior when that's necessary for the harmony of the marriage. How do you get to this level of communication with your spouse?

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