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Takin’ the ‘P’.

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by Gloria Smudd on February 5, 2011

I’d like a show of virtual hands, please, from those readers who have recently filled up their petrol tank with the usual care and control and yet who have arrived at the cashier’s desk to find that they have over-shot their expected sum by the aggravating 1p.

This has happened to me a lot recently and, since I am sporadically required to examine other people’s petrol receipts each month, I notice it has been happening to other people too.

The round-summed tickets boasting £80.00, £90.00, £70.00 or even £50.00 appear to be a thing of the past. Here, in abundance are VAT receipts for £80.01, £90.01, £70.01 and of course £50.01.

When I last filled up, having noticed that neither I nor other people seemed to be able to pay a ‘round figure’ for their motor-fuel, I resolved to put a mere £30.00 in my car’s tank; I had that sum in cash in my purse and I knew it would get me through the rest of my work-travel week. Confidently, I watched the rolling-total with as near to an eagle-eyed stare as I could manage. I eased my grip off as I neared £30.00 and watched the pump register the ponderous trickle I was allowing into my tank only to see … £29.98, £29.99, £30.01.

Crossly, I sluiced a bit more juice into the tank, determined not to pay an extra 1p and thought I’d be able to stop at £40.00 on the nail. Once more I dribbled the unleaded in at a pedestrian crawl until I reached £39.97, waited considerable dreary seconds until I’d bought £39.98, waited a few more interminable seconds until the display read £39.99 and felt I knew when to expect the resounding £40.00. Foxed once again, the dial skipped £40.00 and flew straight to £40.01.

By now I was enraged and set about getting the next – and originally involuntary – £9.99 into my tank as fast as possible so that I could dribble towards my absolute day’s limit of £50.00. See previous paragraph for details of careful trigger control. Same attention to detail, same inexplicable overspend.

£49.97 … £49.98 … £49.99 … £50.01!

Boy, was I cross.

Having ‘returned’ the petrol nozzle to its cradle with as much violence as I could without actually breaking it, I strode to the garage office with purpose verging on menace, as I am sure the CCTV footage would prove, had things actually come to blows.

I queued. I got to the front of the queue. The man said “£50.01”. I said “No”. The man said “What?” I said “Your pump is putting an extra 1p on. I’m not paying the 1p”. “No, no, no, no, no, no” said the man at the cash-register, “No, that isn’t true”.

“I only wanted to put £30 quid in but your pump put in £30 quid and 1p, so I went for £40 quid because I always put in round figures but then it went to £40 quid and 1p so I tried for £50 quid and guess what? £50 quid and 1p. I’ve already spend £20 quid more than I wanted to and I’m not paying the 1p. I’d like not to pay the other 2p either but I’m not going to push the point now. Suffice to say that either your pumps are set to run over by 1p or you’re pressing a button behind the desk. Which is it?”

“You don’t have to pay the 1p Madam”.

“Correct. I’m not.”

“That’ll be £50.00 Madam.”

“Good. Here’s £50 quid. And I want a VAT receipt too.”

“OK Madam.”

So, come on, who else has suddenly found they can’t manage a round sum at the petrol pumps? We all know petrol and diesel are already cripplingly expensive and are taxed to keep the country afloat. But we should still be able to pay what we want and when we want each time we visit the garage, shouldn’t we?.

So who is getting this extra 1p? The Government? Yes, sure, because each 1p will be subject to its own infinitesimal bit of tax. The petrol stations?

It invariably happens to me that I overshoot the desired amount by 1p – but it wasn’t always so. Either I’m getting old and my reflexes are slowing down – or the pumps have been rigged to exceed the round-pound sum. And Morrisons don’t have a bowl of coppers for the unfortunate suckers. After all, they’re a Yorkshire business… nuff said?

Old SlaughterFebruary 5, 2011 at 18:35

Many stations now have a pile of pennies to help out people in a similar situation.

LivewireFebruary 5, 2011 at 17:23

A song from the same era as the pic.

The fuel on the hillSees the sun going downAnd the dials in his headAdd a ‘p’ to your pound

SadButMadLadFebruary 5, 2011 at 17:02

When we got our little diesel Micra a few years back it would take £35 maybe £40 at a pinch to fill it to the brim. Now it takes £50 when the low fuel warning light comes on.

I fill in a different style. I go for even numbers on the amount of fuel rather than the money. So I fill my van with 20 litres at a time.

Gloria SmuddFebruary 5, 2011 at 16:48

Well, I’m off for a night by the seaside now and expect at least one visit to a garage before we’re home again. I’ll let you know how the latest round of Roulette goes.

That is a little game I used to play when I filled up. Seven times out of Ten I would win and manage to put a round figure in the tank. Not anymore. Not the game anyway.

I bought my latest car a little under 15 months ago and I am so outraged that it costs £15 more than it did a year ago to fill up that the odd penny is but a trifle and far too little to worry about.

The only parallel I can think of that sums up the greed of the government is that, back in the bad old days of Soho, you might end up in a joint that sold you fizzy pop as champagne, worth about thirty bob, that tasted just like cherry cola, but cost forty five quid.

We are being robbed by people who think it is ok to tax our income, collect tax on a vital necessity, and then add another tax on top just to demonstrate what suckers we all are. Triple tax, one on top of another.

The assault, for this is what it is, is an assault on the working classes. And I don’t mean people who keep ferrets and drink stout. The working classes are the ragged trousered philanthropists, the people who earn an average wage, depend on no benefits and pay their way. And the burden they carry on their shoulders is breaking their backs.

John LevettFebruary 5, 2011 at 18:30

Hear hear! Parliament no longer functions in the electorate’s interest and we urgently need a new mechanism to prevent our government robbing us blind.

Gloria, this is your version of the old game of Forecourt Roulette, played in the UK since the time of the first Elizabeth. For even more entertainment, trying holding the thingey down with eyes shut, trying to guess the moment when to release it.

I stopped worrying about that years ago when I stopped paying cash for petrol. It was around the time that I realised that petrol was getting so expensive I was afraid to carry that much cash on me. Sorry, being serious it was around the time of the fuel protests and to make sure I wouldn’t run out I simply filled it to the brim, and would have rammed it down with a broom handle to get in a little more if it had been physically possible. And afterwards I found that it was just more convenient to do one big fill up when I needed to and never went back, and since when the pump stopped it would virtually never be a neat number I started paying on card and brimming the bugger every time. The final twist is that since moving to Oz I do sometimes put in a round dollar amount if I don’t want to brim it. This is because over the course of a week the price of petrol here goes up and down like a bride’s nightie. Currently Thursdays are usually cheaper but the price then goes up quickly from Thursday evening rush hour to peak at the weekend. If I’m low on fuel at the weekend I’ll only want to put it $20 or $30 to last until it’s cheaper, and since the pumps can be programmed to deliver a dollar amount going over isn’t a problem. In fact it’s a bonus if you do as long as it’s less than 3¢ – because of rounding to the nearest 5¢ after the 1¢ and 2¢ coins were ditched running up $20.02 will cost you $20 exactly. Of course, that would probably just mean Gloria Smudd cursing at $20.03 and aiming to go just shy of another ten bucks.

I love it when you get angry – and smell of petrol. Actually, I just put in 40 gallons a go for all the cars. Toodle pip.

Alan DouglasFebruary 5, 2011 at 13:24

My bug is with the successful £ 30 put in, but which has translated to £ 30.01 by the time I reach the cahier.

But there is also good news – the new pumps at Esso Forest Row, Sussex, allow you to pre-select any number of whole pounds with 2 buttons, one for 10s and one for single pounds. AND it stops on the correct amount too.

Alan Douglas

woodsy42February 5, 2011 at 14:13

That’s a sensible move, and solves the problem. I assume there is provision for a £100 button he thinks cynically..

But how do you know if the pump hasn’t merely delivered £29.99 worth of fuel?

woodsy42February 5, 2011 at 13:19

I always assumed that part of the problem was simply accuracy. It’s been getting harder for many years because in the past a penny worth of petrol was measureable. Nowadays the vapor in the nozzle probably represents at least a penny’s worth.Also electronic pumps will no doubt be set to round to the nearest penny by the manufacturer, not like the rotary ‘spinwheel’ dials of the pumps we grew up with.

Fabian the FabulousFebruary 5, 2011 at 12:53

each 1p will be subject to its own infinitesimal bit of tax.Not all that infinitesimal – about 0.6p per penny – most of it in fact!By the way, is that a recent photo?

Gloria SmuddFebruary 5, 2011 at 12:56

It’s the most recent photo that didn’t break the camera, yes.

Ed PFebruary 5, 2011 at 14:02

And only 6/6 a gallon (= 32.5 new pence) on the pump. Now it’s nearly twenty times that! Ouch.

WilliamFebruary 5, 2011 at 12:51

Well my last diesel ‘fill up’ (disclaimer. My vehicle mainly runs on veg oil whichever variety is cheaper at Twatco but on occasions I am caught short so have to put the tax on tax diesel in) came to £10.01.Without so much as bat of an eyelid the young chaps said ‘”Pump 7, that’ll be £10!”.Seems this garage has the common sense to keep a bowl of pennies handy to keep the till balanced. They don’t have any ‘give me your change’ charity boxes near the till either just a dish for pennies.

Ed PFebruary 5, 2011 at 14:05

Unless your car is very forgiving, untreated vegetable oil will cause long-term problems. Turning it into proper diesel is simple and cheap, using methanol & caustic soda – a web search will find any number of sites about this.

ZaphodFebruary 5, 2011 at 12:41

The secret is to buy £39.99 or whatever. Leave the accumulated pennies in the car for when you forget.

I run on gas. It’s good value, but slows down as the pressure builds in my tank. It does make it easier to judge, but it’s bloody slow, nevertheless. Don’t get behind me in the queue.