I really don't know if I have time for this....I'm not big on groups or such but have now come to a time when I am sort of lost in the dark.

I've been caregiver to my husband who has leukemia and had a bone marrow transplant 23 years ago. He has had numerous cancers and surgeries and chemo and radiation and needed care since.

I have been a care giver for 23 years.

He is now dying of terminal lung cancer and neck and throat tumors. Everyday is a struggle.

I have just about been there and done that for everything. Now I am wondering how I will cope with life when there is actually "time for me". And how can I deal with this everyday inch by inch death? Where do I put my mind? Trying to plan ahead? or just in a coma from day to day?

It can be hard to make a life for yourself while you've put it aside for so long and will be grieving on some level at the same time. I can only offer what I've seen myself. But you can start by joining groups in your community in order to get out and establish new acquaintances.

Did you ever learn to knit - join a knitting circle at a local yarn store? Did you dream of the woods, or a lake, or animals? You can volunteer at an animal shelter, take a class on kayaking (which is an easy sport to learn up at an older age), or take a volunteer job based on ones offered on websites for local charities. If you live in a rural area, the 4H, a garden club, or local military families may be more accessible to you and may want helpers. If you live near nursing homes, you could volunteer to do activities in the Alzheimers ward - that ward specifically because the elderly there are generally mobile, not in bed, and may live in the same ward for years to establish relationships with you.

I myself have a hard time talking joy in activities done solo, but you may instead want to paint, do crafts at home, or other more solitary activities.

Wow what a woman u are !!! I think God has big plans 4 someone who's going thru whst u are. What loyalty & love you have girl !!!! I had to take care of Mama. I was the only one who lived out of state, but in 2 days I had to quit my job ( whick I loved) & leave my hubby alone in Tn. Thank God he was so supportive !!! It's very hard & I don't know how you've done this for such a long period of time. You just have grit !!!! But I know it takes a toll on you , it did me. She needed 24 hour care, and no one there really helped. Not with the day to day things. But ya know what you won't have many regrets. I only have a few. But we're only human girl!!!!! Do ya have kids or family close? I'll be glad to talk or help in any way I can. When it's late & i'm ready to wind down, I play pogo.com . My screen name's babysall4 meet me there sometime too & we can chat. You can sign up 4 free. You'll be fine !!! God will take care of you !! In HIs Grip, luvselshadi

I have not had this experience but a friend of mine did. I watched her through this time in her life and learned a lot from her. While he is here, continue being the amazing wife that you have been. Pray for him and take care of him. The doctors never have the final say. Pray for him and yourself that you will have strength to care for him. Focus on your life with him right now. If he goes from this illness, you will have time to think about that when the time comes. I have learned one very important thing about life. We have to take it one day at a time. Even the scriptures tell us to take no thought for the morrow for it will take care of itself. Of course, we make plans and things like that but I think the scripture is admonishing us not to let thoughts of the future consume us. I know what my friend went through, worrying each day if this was it, but the moment she put her trust in God and stopped worrying, God was able to comfort her and give her all the strength and support she needed. After her husband died, she grieved and mourned of course and still misses him, but she lives a full life. Spending time with loved ones, laughing, shopping, traveling, writing poems and stories, singing, enjoying nature, and worshipping God are all things that she does in her life. Don't worry about what is to come. Focus on what is now and trust God, who holds your future.

First I want to say, "Good Morning" to you and your family. I am new to this site and saw your story on the front page after I had logged out...and I felt an immediate pull to reply to you.

I am a long distance CareTaker for my GrandMother. While I take care of her needs daily, you are physically there in the thick of it with your husband, so I can appreciate that you have so much more on me regarding the struggle.

HowEver, as a caregiver, what I can humbly offer you is this: You are your husband's last light on this earth until he transitions past this current "physical" life. You are what he will see up until the very last moment...and knowing this, he will need for you to be that steady rock that you've always been for him.

Don't think of the illnesses and difficulty of care; rather think of how ComfortAble and happy you can make him in each day you are blessed to continue to have him. Whether he can express his appreciation to you or not, know that what you are giving to him you are also giving to the UniVerse; to God.

You know, I had a dream once, in which myself and several other Women were treating and preparing a dead body for burial and revival. We were in simple surroundings that seemed to be lit by a soft glow of warm light and while others went about their business, some jeering at our efforts, we instinctively knew that we were right where we were supposed to be, participating in something very ImportAnt: We were charged with the care and CleanUp of this InDiviDual and His House.

You are charged with the care and LOVE of your husband. You are participating in SomeThing amazingly ImportAnt, as your husband is being exposed to the UnConditional Love of God through your SteadFast efforts...do not take your efforts and God's work through you for granted.Your family is being extremely blessed at this time to be able to create "lasting" memories before your husband's end time...and God is paying you the UltiMate compliment during your trial...He doesn't pick just AnyBody to carry out such important tasks.

Know this and own this.

Most people can not tolerate the long term sacrifice, the OverWhelming physical and mental effort and strength, the emotional ups and downs and the financial burdens of taking care of a loved one. But you are showing the TRUTH of "through thick and thin, sickness and health"; you are showing the TRUTH of commitment, honor, love and integrity....and you are living evidence of God's Love for each of us daily...

Thank you for your sacrifice and solid example; it inspires many of us to "keep going" and to "do the work" necessary.

I am praying for you and your family. Please feel free to connect with me AnyTime...

Why? You stil have your companion with you to love "unconditionally". . . yes, I am like you sound - very very happily married! It takes that within our hearts to work successfully with our minds to help our spouses out. I know your husband is like mines, very appreciative of every thing you do for him and your relationship growth.

Now I want you to do something for yourself like I do quite often. . . read IPeter, chapter 3 to soothe your conscience. God's word is true. All we need to do is be true to believing in them and living them. Which I'm learning helps release emotional stress.

My prayer is for God to continue blessing you & your husband with joy; as you two endure the time He is allowing you together.

I am also taking care of somone who I dearly love and he is declining, You can write me any time and I will share with you some coping skills. One is do not worry about the future. Thats one I have trouble with everyday, i stay on task and really try to not think about the future. stay in the moment, God bless you, write any time . Love Liz

i understand and feel sorry for the situation you are going now. i pray that you are strengthened by His Spirit of love to care your husband as He is now ,because you know you are caring JESUS HIMSELF INVISIBLY and there is a great reward waiting for you when HE MEETS you face to face.

Abba Father wrap you child with Your love and comfory her in this situation .Let Yur presence be there all the time to experience you every breath she take Lord .In Jesus Name i pray amen