Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I had a concerned email recently from C. After some introductory words she came to her problem,

Well to fast forward to my problem. I had my anus and vagina both
severely stretched and fisted and was cropped and flogged in a session.
My session lasted almost three hours and my beautiful Ma'am dismissed me
to rest and to let herself rest too. At the time I didn't feel like I
needed to rest. I was awake and hyper and excited and just happy in
general. Less then an hour later I was so tired I thought someone
smuggled rocks in my pocket and called it an early night.

The next day I was just very distracted. I had a hard time focusing on
anything and just kept to myself, I felt very numb. I was freezing cold
and not very hungry. I was very lonely. I never came down from playing
so badly before. My poor Ma'am was busy the next day and un able to be
with me but texted and called as much as she could. Unfortunately life
happens. She is NOT irresponsible. Just neither of us expected such a
response. This session was fairly mediocre in the sadism we normaly
practice. I know the people in this community are very black and white
with how a good Dom/me should behave. But no one is perfect and this is
NOT abuse in our case. This is just bad luck.

Just in case I have a severe reaction again during play, is there a way I
can implement after care to myself if Ma'am should have a delay in
being with me? She felt so terrible and she is a very good Domme and a
career person and just amazing. If I don't have to be a source of
pressure I would rather not be. She was called away on a very important
family issue. I want to be able to be self maintained until she can come
back to me so I am not a source of worry but pleasure for her. Thank
you for your time.

Unfortunately this came to me before Christmas when I was also very distracted by serious personal developments so my responses have been a bit hurried and incomplete. Certainly I have not been able to give this problem the careful and thoughtful response that I would have liked. I have tried to put together here the essence of my reply

I would like to reassure you that what you have experienced is quite
normal. What is often referred to as "sub drop" often occurs and can be
delayed rather than happening straight away. You had a very intense
experience and it is to be expected that you might have physical and
psychological responses to it. Basically you were experiencing delayed
shock.

I do hope that you are well and that you have not had any repeats of
your unfortunate experience. You said that you often indulge in play
that may be more extreme - "This session was fairly mediocre in the sadism we normaly practice." So perhaps it is worth trying to think about what might have been different in this session from usual.

You mentioned that immediately afterwards you were, "awake and hyper and excited and just happy in general"
and that you did not need to rest even though that had been instructed
by your Domme. You mentioned that she needed to rest also afterwards and
left you to rest. I wonder perhaps if this might not be good practice.
Even though you seemed really okay afterwards - helping you come down
from this high and getting you settled is perhaps an integral part of
the play and should be incorporated into future play.

I am not being
critical of you or your Domme - just trying to explore possibilities
with you that you may be able to learn from. Even if this had happened
it is quite possible that you might still have experienced the delayed
"drop".

I of course accept your assurances that your Ma'am is very responsible.
However you may both be able to learn from this experience and recognise
the level of after-care that may be required and that it is not always
just that necessary immediate after-care.

Good Luck!

I also found a few useful links to sub-drop to incorporate.

I am hoping that I may have readers who can speak of this though from their own experience and offer support and advice in comments below.

The Purpose of This Blog

Through writing my blog Pygar - A Kind Dom I receive a certain amount of mail. Some of this mail is asking for my advice and support - occasionally about some serious and difficult subjects. I always try to reply as helpfully as I can but am aware that my knowledge and wisdom is limited.

The purpose of this blog is to air some of these requests for advice publicly - but anonymously. Readers are invited to contribute their advice through the comments. Please ensure that comments are intended kindly and supportively. If I feel that any advice does not meet that requirement I will delete it.

If anybody has a question or problem that they would like airing here - then please email me.

Helpful Books

These books have been recommended by readers of this blog. If you have others to suggest please email me.

The Loving Dominant, by John WarrenSM 101, by Jay WisemanConsensual Sadomasochism, by William A Henkin Ph.D and Sybil HolidayThe New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. HardyThe Master's Manual, by Jack Rinella.Partners in Power: Living In Kinky Relationships, by Jack RinellaDifferent Loving:The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by Gloria Brame, William D. Brame and Jon JacobsScrew the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism, by Philip Miller, Molly DevonThe Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. LisztThe Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle

About Me

A Dom who feels he doesn't fit into the mould of "Dom-ness" trying to explore his own nature and feelings and some thoughts about D/s.
Pygar was not a Dom. He was an angel. He was also blind. But he did get to shag Jane Fonda!