Tuesday, January 02, 2007

You may be a player if...

Now, I usually hate lists of this sort, but this is too funny to pass up. I'll explain the meaning behind this list tomorrow. Till then, enjoy!

1. You are a player if you get a girl drunk and have sex with her.

2. You are a player if you find a drunk girl and have sex with her.

3. You are a player if you get yourself drunk and have sex with her. Your drunkeness is your excuse.

4. If you are BOTH drunk you may still be a player.

5. If she's alternating between puking her guts out and passing out in the bed then you're a player.

6. If she's sleeping and you have sex with her you're a player.

7. If she's unconscious and you have sex with her then you're a player.

8. If she's taking sleeping pills and doesn’t wake up when you have sex with her then you’re a player.

9. If she is incapacitated in any way and unable to say 'Yes' then you're a player.

10. If you drug her then you're a player.

11. If you find a drugged girl and have sex with her then you're a player.

12. If you don't bother to ask her permission and she says neither 'Yes' or 'No' then you could be a player.

13. Players do not 'nag' her for sex. Because you manage to ply an eventual 'yes' from a weary victim doesn't mean it's not game. You are not a player.

14. You are a player if you try to circumvent her "No" by talking her into it. She's not playing hard to get, and, even if she IS it's YOUR responsibility to 'get' her. You're still a player.

15. You are a player if you manipulate her into sex when she doesn't otherwise want it. If you say, "If you loved me you’d do X" then you're a player. If you say, "All the other kids are doing it!" then you're a player.

16. If you threaten her, or act in a way that SHE thinks you're threatening her then you're a player. If you puff up and get loud and frustrated while trying to 'talk' her into sex then you're a player.

17. You are a player if you don't immediately get your hands off of her when she says 'no'. You are a player if you take your hands off of her and then put them back ON her after 10 minutes and she eventually 'gives in' to this tactic.

18. You are a player if you won't let her sleep peacefully without waking her every 15 minutes asking her for sex. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and YOU are a player.

19. If you're necking with her and you're naked and she's already gone down on you and she says 'No' to sex with you and you have sex with her anyway then you're a player.

20.If you're a man and engaged in intercourse and say 'No' at ANY point then you are not a player.

21. If she said "Yes" to sex with a condom and that condom breaks and you proceed anyway then you're a player.

22. If she picked you up at a bar then you're not a player, pussy.

23. If you change your mind at ANY point for ANY reason and you don't immediately back off or slap her in the face then you're a not player.

24. If you hit her and she STILL says 'No' you're not still a player.

25. If you don't have a knife or a gun or a garrote then you're not a player.

26. If you're a friend of hers you can still be a player.

27. If you had sex with her the night before but she doesn't want morning sex and you pressure her for it anyway then you're a player.

28. If you're her husband you can still be a player.

29. If it's your wedding night and she doesn't WANT to have sex with you and you force or coerce her anyway then you're a player.

30. If she's had sex with you hundreds of times before but doesn't want to on the 101st time then you're not a player.

31. If you penetrate her anally, orally or digitally against her will then YOU my friend, are ALSO a player. (congrats)

32. Women owe you sex.

33. Buying her dinner entitles you to sex.

34. Paying her mortgage entitles you to sex.

35. Buying her clothing entitles you to sex.

36. Buying her lingerie entitles you to sex. It also means that she has an obligation to wear that lingerie around you.

37. Spending any amount of money on her always entitles you to sex.

38. Seeing her legs or cleavage entitles you to sex.

39. If she 'turns you on' you're entitled to sex.

40. If she has fucked every man in a 10 square mile radius and she doesn't want to fuck you, be glad because thats some funky pussy.

41. Her clothing is a reason for you to game her. Her LACK of clothing is a reason to game her. If she's wearing a thong and panties you BETTER game her.

42. If she's a prostitute and she says "No" then you're definitely not a player.

43. If she's a stripper and she says "Yes" then you're a player. Likewise, if she's a stripper and she's been rubbing against your dick all night long and you follow her to her car and have sex with her then you are ALSO a player.

44. If you watch a woman being played, and don't go over and step the game up, then you are not a player.

45. Don't hate the player hate the game.

46. If you don't believe a woman when she says she was played then you're encouraging game.

47. If you choose to remain friends with a man who played a woman you are encouraging game.

48. If do not you confess to the authorities that you played a woman it WILL exonerate you. You are suddenly a model of good behavior.

49. If you ‘only’ played one woman, you’re STILL a player.

50. You cannot tell who is a player by the way they look. Players are your friends, your brothers, your fathers and you won't know it.

51. Do not get frustrated with a woman if she doesn't trust you. SHE already knows that players don't wear signs on their foreheads. Something you think is innocuous SHE may find terrifying. So stay sharp!