I’m Not in Control of Having Kids or Keeping Them

I don’t like change, but we’ve parented thirteen different kids in the last three years.

I could never foster, I thought, because I want to love kids as my own, not feel like a babysitter waiting to say goodbye.

My life was smooth and predictable. I’ll get married, wait a couple years, and then have kids I planned. But then eight years went by, and we weren’t able to have our own children.

Suddenly I had so little control over my plans, so I began asking God his plans.

“You believe abortion is wrong, right?” God asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then simply being a bystander who calls abortion evil isn’t enough. Step up and care for the unwanted children.”

So we parented children like our own, and they were ours. At first some would bolt if something scary would happen. Just run to any man or woman because daddy and mommy meant any male or female.

Then one day they’d turn and look for me. Finally I’d earned their trust. They knew where safety was. They knew who daddy was.

Then we cried saying goodbye. I was glad not to be the judge making the decision about reunification with birth parents, but I knew the real judge was God.

We’d watch our kids go back to their birth parents. They won’t do things the way we would. Oh my goodness they aren’t parenting this. She could grow up with an attitude if it’s not kept in check.

“God, how can we send our kids into an imperfect environment?”

“I sent my son to imperfect parents.”

God’s the perfect parent, and he sent his son to imperfect Joseph and Mary. If God was able to do that being perfect, so can we.

“Thank you for allowing them in our lives for a little bit, God. We’ll let go of our kids just like you let go of your son.”

The more we let go, the more we realized that we didn’t just want to foster to adopt.

We wanted to see our children reunified with their birth families, so God could transform the whole family, not just the kids.

Our kids could go home as missionaries. We could support the whole family, encouraging God’s original intention.

Loren Kreider is a husband, father, and fun-loving auto mechanic. He’s passionate about helping broken families thrive in their parenting and as children of God. He’s a loyal son, a fiery foster parent, and a lover of coffee and sweets with his wife when the kids go to bed.