Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Virtual Blog Tour ~ Chiczofrenia - crazy is an art form!

Welcome to my blog, Dr. Laina Turner! You've written a book I NEED to read!

YOU CAN’T FIX EVERYTHINGSurprise, surprise. You can’t fix other people. For many women that’s a hard pill to swallow. Having a project so to speak, can make me feel better about who I am and take pressure off myself because then I can be focused on someone else and their issues rather than mine. This “fix-it” mentality seems to be more common in women. I think men take things more at face value rather than look at all the ways they can change someone. There are so many women out there who like to find men to fix. Why? Is it more satisfying to be with someone who needs your help? We all like to be needed but you can’t change people, and don’t you think your time and energy would be better spent if you worked on improving yourself rather than someone else? It can be hard when you have someone who would be just perfect if only . . . But first of all, no one is perfect and you need to accept people for who they are and secondly, who are you to fix them? Maybe they don’t feel they’re broken.It can be a hard habit to break when you have built a pattern of rescuing someone. It can be difficult to sit back and watch them flounder but you have to remember . . . it’s not your job to fix their problems. Even if all you’re doing is listening, how many times do you need to listen to the same story before you want to scream? And if they’re complaining about the same issues all the time then are you really helping them by allowing them to continually complain rather than giving them some tough love and telling them to quit bitching and do something? Instead let them figure it out but still be there to help pick up the pieces if they need a shoulder to cry on. You may be surprised that they don’t.Laina

Chiczofrenia – crazy is an art form – released January 2011.Chiczofrenic is the term for the woman who is purposeful and intentional in how crazy her life may be. The goal with this book is to recognize many women drive themselves crazy, intentionally, by trying to be all they can. I firmly believe we can have it all. A great relationship, being a great mom, keeping a good house (if that’s important to you), being a career woman, following your dreams, working out, eating right, and many more. Women seem to have the knack for how to manage it all and not go crazy.

Women seem to always take on more and more…and are successful at it.Women have tried forever to pretend they fit in the norm even when the norm wasn’t what they wanted. I want women to embrace that more - without caring what anyone thinks. Learn to laugh at your own craziness and be cool at the same time. Be the strong individual you want to be while looking like a million bucks.Being a woman is difficult and is a constant evolution and journey of self discovery. It’s not always an easy journey and through the process you realize everyone has her own issues. Her own brand of crazy, which is my own kind of normal. Crazy but embracing it.

Excerpt 1Attention can be a four-letter word. Sometimes it can be bad to want it, but it sure is nice to have. Everyone wants and deserves attention whether it be men, women, and kids, young or old, it doesn’t matter. Some people need a lot of attention and I mean need here not want and just want it. Lack of attention can hurt relationships especially when the person you’re needing/wanting attention from doesn’t know you need/want it. It can be hard to tell someone you need/want attention. It goes along with the notion you should be self-sufficient and not need anyone for anything because who wants to seem needy? But why the hell not? If you need it and want it, then ask for it and take it when offered. If the person says no or just can’t give it, wouldn’t you rather know that then be left to wonder or hope? It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for what you want or need but rather it’s a sign of trust that you can put yourself out there and be honest. I also want to reinforce the point of taking the attention when offered. Pretending you don’t need it and rebuffing it from your partner hoping they will keep giving it to you won’t work! You then can’t get mad that they stop giving it.When it comes to women wanting attention, we all usually jump to the assumption it’s about attention from the male species. But that’s not the only type of attention we may need. We can also want or need attention from a female friend, especially if we are in the midst of a crisis. Attention isn’t always about someone just telling you how wonderful you are. It can be cathartic to get your emotions out, good, bad, and ugly to someone who really cares about you. Someone who can listen and be empathetic, boost your confidence, and help you work through obstacles and issues you may not be able to see clearly on your own. Someone who can volunteer to kick someone else’s ass for upsetting you. But there is a point where you can be overly needy. This can be tough for those around you. You can’t replace your own self-confidence through attention from someone else. Your existence can’t be validated by attention from someone else no matter how much attention you’re getting, as nice as that might sound. If it’s attention you need, how can you give yourself attention?

6 comments:

HI, Dr. Turner. Unfortunately, our culture pushes women to be chiczofrenics. LOL Your book sounds intriguing. I won't ramble about my anthropological slant here. But will have to grab a copy of your book! Me, I'm into being an over-educated housewife who writes fiction. Tons of fun in the self-empowerment area--writing!

I totally agree that a woman can be everything IF she wants to be. As for trying to change people, I was that to a point. I was more of a rescuer. After getting burned a few times, I've now evolved into the woman I WANT to me and that is WITHOUT a man. My life is full and I'm loving life, without rescuing or changing anyone but myself. Loved the excerpt.

Very interesting... I have always wondered why women want to change men...if you change them, you just might lose the thing you liked about them in the first place! As for attention...right now I would rather NOT have that, LOL! I want to change my name some days! I seriously want to get a hotel room turn off my phone and write, write, write! It's what I would face when I came back that is stopping me!

Lots of great advice here, Dr. Turner. I too am a rescuer. Every single serious relationship I've had with a man has been me trying to help him because he had a bad childhood or grew up without a dad or dealt with addiction of one kind or another. I'm a nurturer so it is very hard for me to pull away and not take that mothering role. Actually that is what attracted my husband to me. He wanted to be nurtured and taken care of. Now I'm learning to be my own woman and what an incredible journey that is! Thank you for writing this book! I will be sure to pick up a copy.

Don't forget to check out my charity book for children, Tennessee. 100% of proceeds go to gifting books to the Children of our Fallen Warriors at Snowball Express in December. Visit Tennessee's website at http://tennesseethetherapycat.weebly.com!