LISTEN UP: Bucs coach Greg Schiano needs to brush up on the right way to play — in the NFL — writes The Post’s Mike Vaccaro. Photo: Getty Images

MIAMI — Honestly, would it have surprised anybody if, during a long week of shielding himself from flak, Greg Schiano finally would have given into his inner impulses, affected an accent, and declared: “We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender …”

We get it, Coach. Forget Winston Churchill. Let’s go with Eliot Ness (“Never stop fighting till the fight is done!”) or John Rambo (“Nothing is over! You just don’t turn it off!”) or Bluto Blutarsky (“Nothing is over until we say it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!”) or your erstwhile Jersey neighbor, Mr. Berra (“It ain’t over till it’s over.”)

To the end, probably beyond the end, Schiano is going to defend his decision to take one last crack at winning a football game his team had done everything in its power to lose. To the end, beyond the end, he is going to forget the fact that as badly as his Rutgers Scarlet Knights were ever beaten (let’s pick the 80-7 loss to West Virginia in 2001, which was WVU’s only Big East win that year), they probably were never manhandled or outclassed as badly as the Bucs were for the first 14 minutes and 55 seconds of the fourth quarter last Sunday.

But there still were those final five seconds to fight for …

Look, for the most part I am agnostic on this. I understand the Giants have no right to simply declare victory before the clock strikes 0:00. I remember as well as anyone else with a long memory that the Miracle of the Meadowlands happened in 1978, in part, because the Giants were on edge due to the Eagles’ willingness to plow through the Victory Formation the play before The Fumble. I admire guys who break up double plays in the ninth inning of six-run games, who take fouls in the waning seconds of 10-point basketball games, who pull goalies at the end of three-goal games.

But here’s the thing: We tend to laugh about “unwritten rules,” traditions that become a part of sports for no discernible reason other than “that’s how it’s done.” And some do seem a bit silly and stupid. Remember when Alex Rodriguez crossed the pitcher’s mound in Oakland that time? Silly “rule.” Remember the Cubs getting miffed when the Nationals were swinging at 3-and-0 pitches up six runs a few weeks ago? Stupid “rule.”

Here’s what’s not stupid: adhering to basic tenets of common sense that ultimately lend pen and ink to many of these unwritten laws. I’m no mathematician, but I will declare right here that crashing through a kneel-down down, needing to a) get penetration b) force a fumble c) recover that fumble and d) score has, at best, a 1-in-1 trillion chance to work …

… and so it’s wise, if you’re Greg Schiano, and you’ve been in the league for 15 minutes, to consider a few things:

First, Tom Coughlin is a man’s man and a coach’s coach. He did not enjoy lecturing you. But he has been around the block a time or three. He knows there is a right way and a wrong way to get across your mission of playing all 60 minutes. And you can bet that if you haven’t lost your locker room yet, you’re on the way. These are professional players. There is a code among them. They are rivals but they share the bruising bond of a dangerous game. They know what’s right and wrong, what’s acceptable or not. They know what it is to be a pro. And you aren’t going to change that.

Not if you want to stay a pro for much longer.

Whack Back at Vac

Derek Laino: I thought the trade for Ichiro Suzuki was a mistake, but it looks like I should be eating some crow after his performance the

last few games, coupled

with the zero production

from Jones .

Vac:If we ever needed a reminder of how long the season is, Ichiro’s hot streak and Russell Martin’s walk-off Friday night were a couple of more instant reminders.

Chris Freeman: I don’t give a fig whether a pro athlete knows anything about “her majesty and the Continental Congress,” but it’d be nice if they knew the history of their chosen sport. Every NFL player should be given a stack of DVDs, a best-of of Steve Sabol — with John Facenda, Hank Stram and the rest — concluding with a quiz. At the very least, they’ll learn the word “matriculate.”

Vac:I think I’d have to find a way to get my hands on those DVDs.

Alan Hirschberg: Instead of making up Tuesday’s rainout, why didn’t the Mets just forfeit this game? The score would have been closer (only 9-0), Jeremy Hefner would have been spared the humiliation, and their few remaining fans could have used those three hours for something more productive than watching this garbage.

Vac:I was at Springsteen Wednesday when a Mets fan texted me during “Darlington County:: “Bleepin’ Howard HR 2-out in 9th, cost Harvey W” and I didn’t think it possible the week could get worse for him. And I only had to wait 24 hours to see I was wrong.

Abe Nudel: Is it a penalty if a Jets defensive lineman touches a quarterback?

Vac:I can’t possibly add to that.

Vac’s Whacks

* I wish Terry Collins hadn’t backtracked and soft-shoed his harsh commentary in the wake of that 16-1 calamity the other night. He saw what everyone else has seen since the All-Star break. If the Mets’ feelings were hurt? That’s a pity. This is the big leagues. Play better.

* Look, all you haters who say Bart Scott hasn’t hit anyone in a football uniform this year, don’t overlook: He’s the guy who kicked Darrelle Revis in the head. So there’s that.

* Cam Newton has a long way to go to catch up to Eli Manning as a quarterback and, based on his ludicrous celebration down a thousand points the other night, even longer if he ever wants to be near as gracious.