Category: Wandering of the Mind

Until now I steered away from anything to do with this. I don’t live in the US but have a lot of new (online) friends that do, so I have seen their struggle. This couldn’t have been easy. Especially the people I am attracted to must feel defeated right now.

But yes, the unthinkable happened, or is happening. Donald Trump will win the election. That’s it. The world is ending. It’s over. Done. Humanity is f*cked. I feel the hate, anger, frustration, fear, defeat, sadness. Will it divide the US? Who knows.

The general energy the world is sending out to the US right now is terrible. I have come to know many Americans as wonderful loving people. Something I thought I would never admit, just because I only knew America from television and film. And thought they were all loud mouthed air heads. Kind of like Trump 😉 But this is really not the case. It’s all about the not knowing….

But is it really over?

What if we think about this another way? As a “blessing in disguise”?

What if, people who are more like me did not vote at all. Because they felt they had no choice. I would not have gone voting, as the things that matter to me the most, nature, animals, environment, weren’t very clear on both agendas. But maybe I would have voted for Clinton, because then maybe my favourite idealist Bernie would have had some influence…. I haven’t voted for years in my own country, simply because I no longer believe that politicians in general have the best interest at heart for the people.

The president is kind of like a puppet, the PR person for the whole government. I really thought Obama was something else (and I still do as a person), but in the end, all the promises they make? Hard to keep. The only danger with Trump is that if he doesn’t get his way he might go into a fit like little children do….

Is it bad for the world? Really? Us=the world? I think not. That’s kind of arrogant to say. Maybe it’s bad for the US. Maybe even not. What if other countries are like, ok, time to stand on our own feet and no longer be an US groupie….

Universally: what if we see this like the last cramps of the patriarchal system. To hold on to old systems and beliefs. People like Mr Trump are gaining ground everywhere! He is not the only one. Why? What if it’s a test. To see if we are ready for this new paradigm? Living from the heart? Are you able to give love and compassion to anyone? Even the ones like Mr Trump?

The people in general are giving out a signal by voting for him or not voting for any candidate because they felt they didn’t have a choice. No matter the outcome, this signal must be addressed. This is a symptom of our diseased society. It’s time to look at the underlying problems going in. Loss of a feeling of community, the difference between classes. The people who blindly follow people like Mr Trump, or on the other side maybe even spiritual gurus, they play the blame game. They are the ones that don’t take responsibility for their own lives and choices, they act like victims. People like Trump, Le Penn, our own Wilders, they know how to speak to those people. Basically they are excellent at marketing, because they see the gap. And they promise to make it better for you. Not with you. For you. Come here. Daddy will take care of everything. Sit back and relax. You don’t have to do anything. I will fix it. The people don’t see that this most of the time is a “quick” fix. They don’t oversee the long-term effects, and more important, the underlying feeling of void and emptiness isn’t addressed. It’s like taking drugs, or alcohol. Underneath the wound will fester on. But for now, they have put a band-aid on it for them.

What if this has a what I call Cesar Milan effect. People with dogs will all know who that is. I really don’t like him very much, or how he handles dogs. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t believe in what he does. I’ve seen him in interviews and he just doesn’t know any better. And he is also a quick-fix giver. People like that. Not much work put in, just overpower and put a band-aid on it. We gave him the power. We let him grow. But…. On the other hand, the dog behaviour specialists and trainers that used other methods, they united, made more and more people aware there is another way. Most of them even not by putting down Cesar, but by showing the people the other way! Maybe this whole Trump thing will give the people who were lurking in the shadows the courage to stand up for what they believe in, and join forces in a positive way.

Maybe it’s all a test to see how strong the power of positive thinking, law of attraction, love really is. I have seen lots of people sending their condolences to the US, it’s almost like a grieving process. But…. What if we started over showering Mr Trump with love, send him massive healing and love, break down the wall around his heart before he starts building them in real life. What if we could show that the collective way of doing this is stronger than negativity and hate. Let’s show that the power of the heart will change the world. And are you ready to fully embrace the shadow side? I feel that people like Trump are getting stronger just because the people who live from a place of love deny their shadow sides. And isn’t it the best test ever if you can show as much love and compassion to the haters, to the “dark ones”, as you would to like-minded people? People you love. Maybe it is even so, that these “dark ones” even need your love and compassion more. Let’s show that the power of the heart will change the world.

Don’t get me wrong. I dislike the man, always have. But it’s not about him really. Something bigger is going on. And yes, you can just sit still and trust that “this is just as it is supposed to be”. Or you can take action. And not by taking up arms or and blocking each other on Facebook. But by showing love and compassion towards each other. Show real interest, find out why someone has certain ideas. Start building a community based on understanding, respect and love. Share what you have abundance of. If that is material of not, share.

Don’t go along in this negative, fear based, panicky energy. Let’s keep sending love. And I know, even though he is a “bad thing” for the things I stand for, I have just put him in a blanket of love and approached this from a whole different perspective.

I wish all of you, either in the US or elsewhere, the strength and wisdom to deal with this, but don’t feel defeated….

Love and light,

Diana

Ps. there is something with these numbers….. 9-11, 11-9?? Big changes and shifts…. We notate November 9th as 9-11 in our country…. Weird right? I know 9 is about endings and new beginnings, and it’s also a 9 year this year…. Mmmm…..

Ps 2: this too shall pass 😉 Remember Rome, Napoleon, The German Reich… in the end it will crumble and fall….

Dartmoor and the Quantocks 22nd of November till 6th of December 2015, a soul-journey.

Finally here I was, a place I have wanted to go to for so long. Dartmoor. And it was magical. This is my story of two weeks of living the country-life.

We arrived in the early evening and it was already dark. Very dark. The moors, a clear and cold night, nothing but the lights of a few cottages here and there and the stars and moon. Magical. Very so not what we were used to in the place we live. Where they stole the night. Driving was a challenge, a strange place, so dark, narrow roads, we just didn’t know what to expect. But we got to our cottage in the end, situated near the lovely village of Widecombe-in-the-Moor. A very cosy place. And we settled in real quick. Feeling at home in an instant.

The next day was a very clear and sunny day and after a tip from our host we went for our first walk. The scenes were stunning. The colours amazing and so vivid. The countryside was rough and nature at the end of November just added to this. Pure raw beauty. I fell in love, right there and then. I knew my heart would be lost forever. Clean air, real silence, real darkness. How could I ever go back to my everyday life? I immediately knew why so many stories were written on and about these lands, why so many fall in love.

The amazing browns of dead ferns and leafs contrasting with the greens of the grass and the greys of the rocks everywhere. The Tors proudly standing against the amazing skies. Today blue with some clouds, but ever-changing. Suddenly disappearing in the rain clouds, or taken by the fog. The winds that made an amazing roaring sound in these hills. Lovely little streams running everywhere, with the ability to become wild rivers….. Around the corner of each rock you could run in to cheeky cows, fierce ponies, curious sheep. All kinds of birds accompanied us on the moors, from very small tits and finches to larger birds of prey. The first day we enjoyed the guidance of a pair of ravens, hanging about at the Tors near Widecombe where we stayed. And I was very much guided by robins. The amazing site of red kites in the skies, or buzzards, hawks and falcons. Playing on the winds, not to be seen on the rainy days. In the evenings the owls were present and even the wild ponies visited our cottage, looking for something to eat.

The trees that grew here had such amazing shapes, I could see dragons, and places for faeries and gnomes to hide. The ancient Oak woodlands were really a fairy tale setting, the ancient gnarly oaks overgrown by mosses, ferns and standing between rocks of all shapes and sizes. The walking guides can’t prepare you for the terrain. Paths are not always so obvious and sometimes even demolished by the forces of nature that reign here. A smooth walk back is not comparable to a smooth walk where we live. No asphalt here, or nicely shaped footpaths with clear signs and colours to follow. Here you are thrown back to rely on your sense of direction and instincts. And in this time of year it gets dark early, and with dark I mean really dark. You don’t want to get stuck on the moors then…… Who knows, maybe the demon hounds will track you down…..

And then the lovely little villages, amazing cottages and longhouses, friendly people. And so very dog friendly. Especially Scotty was very gorgeous. And they were welcome everywhere. Never mind their muddy paws, or our muddy shoes for that matter. Always room near the fireplace or wood burner for a pair of walkers with their dogs. Lovely meals, yummy cream teas, lovely talks. And an ale every now and then 🙂 Even the nicest hotels had signs outside that dogs were very welcome. Water bowls and biscuits at the ready, and even sometimes towels to wipe their paws!

My solo walk and climb with Cheyenne to one of the Tors on our last day of the week was a life-changing experience. It was very windy and rain was pouring down as we climbed the Tor. But it was so worth it, the views, the feeling of being completely alive. I cried. Not of sadness, but for this feeling. Alive. Experiencing all the elements. The ravens had called me to this place and reminded me again the morning before the walk. This was what it was all about. Nothing I did in life up till now compared to this feeling. Feeling one with the earth, wind, water, the land. Being here with Cheyenne, who is so special to me. Who guided me on the best path to take, as she seemed to know exactly where to walk safely. There we stood together up on the Tor, wet and wind beaten, but we didn’t care. This was it. This is what I had visions about. This is where we belonged. Right here, right now.

But I had to return. To the village at first, meet up with husband and dog Scotty. I could see in his eyes when I told him about my experience he could not imagine feeling like that. But the first part of my journey was done. This was something I would never ever forget. A piece of my heart and soul would remain up there on that Tor, waiting for me to come collect them sometime in the future, this life or the next.

It was time to leave this amazing place. Feeling I had only seen and felt so little, that a lifetime would not be enough to fully experience this area. But already enough to feel inspired and alive again.

The next part of our journey was to West-Somerset, the small parish of Holford on the Edge of the Quantock Hills. On our journey I already saw this countryside was very different from the rough honesty of Dartmoor. These were the rolling hills, softer, flowing. Land of poets and romanticists. With beautiful woodlands all around. We had rented a small cottage in the middle of the parish. What a lovely place. And surroundings. A little church across the road, people even friendlier then on Dartmoor. With a greeting every part of the day, of course followed by a comment on the weather 🙂

Our first walk was to the nearby woodlands, so different from Dartmoor, but non the less amazing. In contrast we went to visit a piece of Jurassic coastline in the neighbouring parish of Kilve. Looking for fossils we lost track of time and almost didn’t make it back to our cottage before darkness took the day if it weren’t for the amazing help of an employee of the Hood Arms where we had lunch earlier. He just hopped in his car and gave us a lift. Wow…. just like that, no strings attached. Asking for help here is quite something else from asking for help where we live.

The walks here were somewhat friendlier, more flat, the paths were clearer and signs pointing where we should go where more present than on Dartmoor. We also visited Porlock, in Exmoor, and walked through Marshes there to Porlock Weir, a little harbour town on the Bristol Channel. Exmoor is asking for more 🙂 That will be on our list for next time. But the variety in landscapes was really amazing and inspiring.

I did a solo walk the last day of our stay through the woodlands and even climbed a hill. This time I did it all alone, without husband or dogs. It felt amazing and when I reached the top the scenery was amazing. It did not have the same depth as Dartmoor for me, but I could feel the poets and romanticists emerging, the woodlands were very fairy tale like, and I was really expecting Goblins around every big gnarly oak. The trees here were very weird shaped and your imagination could go all the way here.

And here again, many sheep, curious little things, so much more open to “contact” then our sheep. And we even encountered Red deer on our first long walk. Amazing. How this place must be, feel, look, smell like in the middle of autumn. The colours of the trees, the bellowing of the stags. It must really be an even more magical place then. So we know when to come back 🙂 Here also all kinds of birds were guiding us, with the coast nearby more gulls, and in the marshes we could see herons and all kinds of coastal birds. And what I thought were large groups of crows appeared to be rooks. They mixed up with jackdaws all the time. Somerset was also horse country. Everyone seemed to own one or more horses! I had some amazing contacts with them, and also with a few donkeys 🙂

We also visited some so-called spiritual places, like Glastonbury and Avebury, but as it was with Stonehenge, it didn’t do anything for me. Not at all like the experiences I described before. Maybe all the energy has been drained from those places already with all those visitors… Who knows. I know a lot of people who feel all kinds of things visiting those places, but I had those feelings upon the Tors and hills. I did have a place where I had a real déjà feeling, but that was somewhere on the way to Glastonbury. Not even a particular spot, more the area we were driving through. Maybe I lived there once…. I did not get visions of myself being a druid or a high-priestess or witch or anything like that. More ancient, more common, working class. I could see myself in Victorian clothing walking in the woodlands at the Quantocks. I could see myself as a sheep herder. As a farmer. As a medicine woman in ancient times.

West Somerset and the Quantocks were definitely a place to come back to sometime, but….. I had lost my heart to Dartmoor. If it weren’t for some circumstances I would seriously consider moving there. But I am not alone, I am married, have my friends and family here, especially my mother. Still, if I didn’t have to think about them…… The dogs sure wouldn’t mind either 🙂

And maybe I have romanticized things myself now, and is living there a hard thing to do. The modern conveniences are not so obvious in places like that. But to me that is also part of the attraction. Where there is no or bad reception, and you are more or less forced to live in a more conscious way and therefore environmental friendlier. Here people are scarce with using electricity and water, divide waste, clean up dog poop, are more self-sufficient, with having their own livestock and veggie plots. I don’t know if I could live here, I feel I could, but I just don’t know. The solitude, the silence, the darkness, the clean air, opportunities to step into nature from your home….. So much pro’s for me personally.

Maybe it is my challenge to find these things also in my everyday life (although clean air, true darkness and silence is an issue where we live now). I did have some lovely insights and inspiration on how to move on in my business and relationships for instance. Realizations about how I handle things. That I should start to love myself and accept every aspect without criticizing myself. Exercise more, because I have been walking and climbing so much and it felt so good! And I didn’t mind the harsh weather at all! Only on the last day my legs were like, okay, enough now, but it surprised me how I held up physically. Food would be a challenge, especially eating out, but that is no different from here. But with so many local produce like veggies, eggs, cheese, I could really live the country life 🙂

I need this solitude and nature, they are part of my being. I am not the type that will start screaming on the top of a mountain to let emotions go, I will not start dancing wildly to exciting music. I thrive better on my own, or in small groups than in large crowds. I am a calm a gentle person. And I love, deeply love animals and nature, that is where my heart lies. I have been trying time and time again to do the screaming and dancing, because others said it would do me good. I realize now that is their way, not mine. I should do things the way I like them and feel comfortable with. Go with the flow of nature, of natural time. Not worry about agenda’s, marketing, planning, just trust on the process. Not push things the way I would like them to go. Be more flexible, and be myself completely. Be honest and open about my feelings. That is my way, telling stories, my stories, my personal experiences and my way of adventures. I do face my fears, I grow with doing that. I do go beyond boundaries every now and then, but not for the thrill of the adventure. For the sake of growing. So I will have even more life stories to share.

Amazing what these two weeks did for me. Giving my senses space, other ways of input then in everyday life, has really opened up my eyes. It felt like this dark blanket was lifted and I felt so clear and radiant. Now I am back I feel the blanket closing in again, it is just the way of life here that does that. Literally with the pollution in every kind of way. And not to underestimate the density of population here. All the energies to deal with, not always positively. And I will definitely miss the dog-friendliness. But above all I will miss the land. I did cry upon our journey back, I always feel like I leave a part of myself behind when visiting this country.

I would say to everyone who feels attracted to places like this: do it, go visit, let the country bewitch and bewilder you, get inspired. I can’t guarantee not loosing your heart and soul though 🙂

Today I read a blog by someone else, that really was a rant about human mutant naked monkeys f*cking up nature as we speak. By branding certain animal species as vermin, because they are native to the land but eating imported animals that we mass produce as things only to (over)feed us.

This made me so mad, he was right. We humans are so bloody arrogant to give these beautiful creatures of nature a death-sentence for trying to survive in harsh times, because we are destroying their natural habitats for our own needs, so they can’t find food anymore. Because we are destroying the natural balance of things. Because we ourselves are not in balance with our own nature. And this is where it all falls to pieces. This is what is so wrong with the human race. The day they separated mind, soul and body as being something not as one.

Today I had some trees in my garden trimmed, because the neighbours with their concrete garden complained about not having enough light in their garden. And now I am staring at them, feeling their pain because their beautiful natural form is totally destroyed, and I feel so guilty! But as I live in the human world and I don’t want to get into a fight with my sour neighbours I, just for the sake of peace, went on and got them trimmed. And I feel weak. I feel weak because I didn’t stand up. Because the forestry feeling in my garden is gone. Because two birds nests were destroyed in the cutting process. And I see those birds searching for what they had made. Luckily the gardeners said there weren’t any eggs in it yet, but still, those birds have to start over building a nest. And probably not in these trimmed trees….. As I see all the birds in my garden, finding the food and shelter they need, because we destroyed their habitats I feel confused. I think about what we are doing. And this gets me to keeping pets. I wonder why we keep them. The word keeping or owning them is wrong on itself. The overall idea is that we want to keep pets because they give us a good feeling. But what is that good feeling? Why do they give us that? Aren’t they surrogates for something we have lost along the way of our own evolution? The ability for unconditional love? Towards each other? Pets love us no matter what they say. Of course that is to their own benefits because we feed them, and give them shelter. If they would stand up to their imprisonment they would be “humanely euthanized”. And of course there are people who keep animals because they want to dominate something. They want that animal to do what they say. Humans try to control everything, and I don’t think that is meant to be. There is no freedom for the animals we keep, and we are hypocrites. We overall take good care of our pets, or at least we think we do, with the best intentions, but we don’t care about the animals that live in the dairy, meat or farm industry. We totally have lost our connection to nature and what it is like to be truly free, because we are all prisoners of our own thoughts and feelings. When I look at the animal or plant kingdom and see that they totally accept life as it comes, with all the hard work to survive. And how we try to manipulate everything to our comfort. It kind of sickens me. Right now I think I will never have pets again after the ones I have now have passed on. Because if I gave them the choice, would they stay with me freely? I think not. I think they would want to roam free on this earth, be with their own kind, playing with their brothers and sisters, hunting, foraging, sleeping in the sun, running in the open fields. And would they come in contact with humans? They did once, we called it domestication. But that was of mutual benefits. We could help each other. But in the beginning that was not a forced process. When I see what we do to the animals nowadays, how dogs and cats and even other animals are bred for how they look, but not for their health. How farm animals are nothing more than numbers, then products that need to grow faster and faster. To fulfil the unbelievable greed of mankind. It saddens me. It makes me think that there is only one way to end this all. It is by eradicating mankind or….. with the waking up of mankind, to see what they are doing to the planet and their fellow earthlings. To really take responsibility. To start living in balance with each other and the planet again. To take life as it comes and not to try and manipulate it. I think we can live together with animals in freedom, and not force them to live lives in captivity. I think we can learn a lot more from animals that live in freedom than the animals we try to control. We have to find ways to keep “our” pets happy, because they cannot do what they were born for. We deprive them of everything that makes them animal. We take away their right to hunt, to forage, to move freely, to breed, to be with their own kind on their own conditions. But as long as humans cannot even treat each other as equal we probably won’t get that far. We should all find back the balance of life, feel comfortable with ourselves and our own species, accept life as it comes, and not try to fight those things that are natural.

I am trying to do that, but even that is not possible. I am not allowed to live where I want. Because the land is owned by other people, because man have created countries and borders. Because we are not one with nature. I have to pay for things I don’t want. I have to live by rules I don’t need. I have to get permissions for everything I want to do. I have to get degrees to perform a job, to use my naturally given talents to earn a living. It is unbelievable how everything is being controlled. It is time to let go…..

And as always…. These are MY thoughts, you don’t have to agree…. Freedom is also thinking for yourself……

I am having a bad day today. Doubting everything I do, doubting the purpose of my very existence. It has been in the upwards spiral for so long I almost forgot what days like this feel like. But I guess I can’t enjoy the good days without the bad days. Right?

It is not easy hearing people ridicule everything I stand for. When people I think should be thinking the way I do, at least partially. Because we have the same goals. I assume. But the things I stand for seem to make me a quack. So I am considered a quack amongst people who are considered by others as quacks…. That is harsh. And to hear that the little paper you are studying so hard for these last years means nothing in the “real” world. So I am on the verge of quitting. Everything I do. Still I hope this is just a little setback. Some sort of challenges thrown to me from the Universe. To keep on fighting for what I believe in. Or it is the Universal way of sending me messages that I should quit this education. That it is no longer the thing that will help me further. I just don’t know anymore. I do know I am tired of fighting. Maybe I should just give in to the average and everyday world.

I think it is time for some serious retreat, really trying to figure out where it is I am going. If I should hang on to the path I am on or take another road. To ask my spirit guides what is the right track for me. But maybe spirit guides are also a lot of nonsense, maybe they are just a figment of my imagination to cope with life as it comes. I just don’t know anymore…….

1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

2. serving to establish a standard.

3. Psychology

approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.

free from any mental disorder; sane.

4. Biology, Medicine/Medical

free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.

of natural occurrence.

5. Mathematics

being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular.

of the nature of or pertaining to a mathematical normal.

(of an orthogonal system of real functions) defined so that the integral of the square of the absolute value of any function is 1.

(of a topological space) having the property that corresponding to every pair of disjoint closed sets are two disjoint open sets, each containing one of the closed sets.

(of a subgroup) having the property that the same set of elements results when all the elements of the subgroup are operated on consistently on the left and consistently on the right by any element of the group; invariant.

Now the word normal is very disturbing because then we tend to have expectations and we start judging everything that is not according to the standard.

Lately I have been thinking we should eradicate this word from our language, at least in some cases. These cases concern the experience of time, the experience of life, the experience of self and others…. Because what is the standard? In mathematics I can relate to standards, it comes in handy in measuring and building. But still, if you go by standards there are no openings for other ways of thinking, for other ways of seeing things. Just look at the wonderful buildings by Gaudi…… Not standard at all…. But probably very mathematic or else they would’t be buildings 🙂

For example: take the weather. What is normal? Why do we even look at weather forecasts? Why did we lose the ability to just go with what the day brought us. On the website of the dutch meteorological institute KNMI you can take a look at the weather on for instance your birthday over the past years. There is also a standard mentioned. Now I’ve looked back over the years on my birthday and not once it met the standards mentioned. Some years it was over 30 degrees Celsius, other years not even 16 degrees. So it is kind of pointless. I think astrology/astronomy is a way better instrument, and indigenous people and ancient cultures knew what kind of weather was coming by looking at alignments, and feeling the earth and the kosmos. There has always been a need to try to predict, it is probably something in our genes, but that can also be re-written 🙂

Another example: my almost 10-year-old niece told me this weekend that she thought she was ugly. What? She is a very pretty girl, with beautiful eyes and skin, and lovely hair. But in school people (ok 1 or 2) are saying she is ugly, so she thinks she is ugly. Why? Because she hasn’t got perfect teeth, her hairline is different from most. So she showed me girls she thought were pretty. And I thought what? Those botoxed, way to white teeth, fotoshopped fake girls? Are those the standard girls now are trying to live up to? Oh my, I feel so sorry for them…..

And yesterday in school: I am having trouble with seeing how horses and dogs walk and stand and how that is different from the standard. We saw 4 dogs walk and all dogs had deviations…. And most of the horses and animals too. Now I agree that if the leg or back is way off it will cause trouble. But a slight deviation may never cause any trouble at all. I understand that the way we want to (ab)use dogs and horses nowadays will cause a lot of trouble…… But for instance: I had a sore ankle, and then they went and looked at how I stood on my feet, and how I walked. It was not “normal”, there was a slight deviation…. So I got arch support and then I started having trouble with my pelvis and lower back. Maybe my body was used to my slight deviation and would never have caused any more trouble than a little sore ankle that maybe would have healed by itself. But by trying to correct it to the standard it only caused more trouble….

Living by standards and only accepting that what is normal is very narrow-minded. It leaves no room for creative thinking, of accepting that there are other ways. That a belief system is not the only right one. That colour of skin is not the standard. That animals all have a purpose. That plants are very needed. That trees are not dangerous. That we are just one of many. That our form may not be the standard. That there are other realms and dimensions.

So maybe it is time for us to let go of the standards and normalities, let’s just open up our minds and hearts and let just take things as they come, as they are, as they present themselves. If you know anything about quantum physics you will see that this is just what our mind creates, so if you are able to see past the standards, anything is possible. Time and space will no longer be a standard……

I understand we need some sort of standards in certain areas but don’t let the standards rule your life and your way of living….

I am not normal, and I am glad I am not….

Love and light and let the venus-transition energy flow within us all!