At the center of every album is a musical thesis. For Kings of Leon and their album, “Walls,” the thesis feels more introspective than anything they have ever created before. The first thing to bubble to the surface is this idea of a love that fades away. It was this point that really made me dig deep, search, and question. Do all relationships have an expiration date? Is everything that begins built to also end? How do you give of yourself so completely only to see it all fade away? The thought of these questions scared me, but they also inspired me to work harder for the relationships I so deeply cherish.

Standing in the misery of a relationship ending, the album allows another idea to rise and that is the thought of allowing yourself to crumble in these situations. In these moments, we let our guard down. We become human, real, and authentic. Sure, we make less than the best decisions in these moments, but we also allow ourselves to be recreated as something new and whole. What stands on the other side of the fall is wonderful, if you can make it there.

Finally, this album spends a little time discussing this notion of stabbing westward. Call it “Manifest Destiny” or you can call it our explorer’s heart. Whatever it is, we’ve long been obsessed with the American West. We’ve headed in this direction for wide open spaces, solitude, and escape. Here, Kings of Leon turns the idea on its head and begs the opposite question. What if you want to feel protected, surrounded, and found? What if life has come crashing down and the last thing in this world you need is to be alone? When is it time to return home? When should the walls fall?

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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At the center of every album is a musical thesis. For Local Natives and their album, “Hummingbird,” that thesis is multi-faceted and focused on asking yourself some profound questions. “Am I giving enough?” is the most important question asked on the album to me. Its importance weighs heavily on my mind because it is something that I constantly wrestle. In my relationships, my work, my volunteer time, my free time, I often wonder if I am giving of myself purely and freely. Am I really making a difference or am I adding another notch to the resume? The thought of it only being the latter terrifies me.

Next, this album asks us to think about what comes next. What lies beyond this moment in time? Are we placing our value and better days there or are we trying to find them in the present tense? I often think times seems to be slipping away and flashing by so rapidly because I am hoping for something that is weeks, months, and/or years away. If I focused on the moment I find myself standing in, would time slow down for me? I am sure the answers to these questions would provide endless amounts of debate. Still, I cannot help thinking about them. It is refreshing to stumble across a band wondering the same things.

Finally, this album asks, “Why wait?” Lives get stuck in the mud. Jobs stall. Relationships continue to deteriorate. We go through the motions. We find contentment but not happiness. What are we waiting for? Why are we not choosing to be happy at this moment? What are we so scared of? Why do we normalize being unhappy? Because we are scared. We are scared to make a change. What lies on the other side terrifies us. It shouldn’t but it does. Only when we realize the salvation that can be found in a radical change can we live a life free of regret.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

A former military chaplain is wracked by grief over the death of his son. Mary is a member of his church whose husband, a radical environmentalist, commits suicide, setting the plot in motion.

My Critique

In 2014, a film called, “Calvary” was released starring Brendan Gleeson of “Gangs of New York” fame. It was a hard look at a revered in a small beachside town clashing, both internally and externally, with faith. It was a wonderfully dark movie about the tug-of-war that exists between religion and the modern world. It was also a film deserving of a chance from the moviegoing public. Striking many of the same chords including a film people should see, we are given another film about existential crises focused on a man of faith with the movie, “First Reformed.”

The first thing you will notice about “First Reformed” is the brooding and quiet chaos sewn underneath. This sense of unease is brought to the forefront with profound dialogue and Ethan Hawke who gives one of the best performances of his career. Within Hawke’s character, we see a man of despair. He is called to the church after the death of his son in Iraq. When he meets a radical environmentalist, torn over the thought of bringing a child into a world that will be radically shaped by a changing climate, their despair and the hope that is found in religious faith go head to head.

Some of my favorite scenes in this film are when Mr. Hawke is holding the screen by himself or narrating over the scenery before us. The words he is speaking are captured in a journal and reveal dread, loneliness, shaky faith, and turmoil over how best to use his position. As the lessons of the environmentalist begin to make more sense, this means Hawke will need to use his position in a battle of man versus machine; the machine, in this case, being a polluting energy company who also happens to be one of the largest donors to the church overseen by Hawke.

The entirety of this film is about being in a precarious position; reverend and parishioner, reverend and donor, reverend and employee, reverend and God. In each one of these relationships, we see a man in crisis who has sins stacking up on his shoulders. As the film draws to a conclusion and its darkest hour, it becomes a question of whether Atlas will shrug, or will he do something to correct the course demanded by faith and stewardship for God’s creation. The drama created here cannot be undersold with some of the most harrowing scenes coming in the last 20 minutes. You will leave the cineplex with a multitude of questions to answer for yourself and the world around you. These lingering questions alone are worth the price of admission.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

Four young men mistake their lives for a movie and attempt one of the most audacious heists in U.S. history.

My Critique

What if “Ocean’s 11” took place on a college campus? What if instead of professional criminals, four students attempted an audacious heist? What if instead of stealing a casino’s money, these students attempted to steal rare books? These what ifs come to life in “American Animals.”

First off, the opening to this movie is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. Edited to show inverted scenes, it sets the tone for the entire film. From there, you are introduced to the real-life characters who made this story possible. At first, you don’t know if you are watching a documentary or a retelling of the original story. The director/writer uses this confusion to interweave a story of distrust, narrators you may not be able to believe, details forgotten, seeds planted but never harvested, and young men way over their heads. I, for one, found this storytelling method enthralling. I love movies where you don’t know if you can trust the person(s) telling the story. It requires the audience to be more than passive observers. Instead, they are asked to be active participants.

Amid this confusion, the story slowly leads to the actual heist. In typical heist-film fashion, the setting is scanned, a plan devised, a team assembled, preparations made, and then we bear witness to something grand or something that is a spectacular failure. Since this is a true story, I don’t think I am spoiling anything here, but in this case, we are treated to the later. As our four would be robbers cross the point of no turning back, we quickly discover there is no way out and how truly awful their plan is. Here is where things get interesting because we learn who was telling the truth and who just couldn’t remember the details.

All in all, this is a film worth your time. It should wet your palate before the Sandra Bullock reboot of the Ocean’s franchise in June. If nothing else, it should inspire you to never steal anything. Why? Because you are probably going to be awful at it.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

At the center of every album is a musical thesis. For Owen and their album, “Ghost Town,” that thesis is focused on a subdued reflection. By nature, most works of art are based on introspection. Putting your emotions and views to paper and then a song is something that makes the work of the singer-songwriter so mesmerizing to me. With this album, Owen places a collective heart on their sleeves and encourages us to saunter by and look. As we do, art finds a way to relate itself to our own personal challenges.

Next, this album reveals one of the great challenges associated with adulthood; learning the choosing of teams never really stops. Middle school, gym class, all the boys standing on an imaginary line, team captains separating the strong from the weak, your first introduction to the survival of the fittest. This doesn’t end with grade school. Clubs in college, dating, job interviews, promotions, etc., they are all just different forms of choosing teams.

After some reflection, this album finally asks you, the listener, to dip your toes in the water. I have said it before and I will say it again. We spend a lot of time focused on the past and future, but we give little thought to the moment we are standing in right now. This is a shame because right now is all that we can control and all that is promised. So, by all means, reflect but don’t be trapped in thought. Rather, get out there and experience some of the world. I promise what ails you can be cured just by choosing to live your life.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

Grieving doesn’t end the second the casket door closes for the final time. Grieving doesn’t end when the same casket is lowered into the ground. Grieving doesn’t end with the passage of a few weeks, months, or years. Grieving never really ends. It dissipates. It becomes quiet like a whisper. It then flairs like a wildfire. It is constant and ever-present. It can be talked about, analyzed, and discussed. It can be shared with therapists, family members, and friends. Like the air in your lungs, it is with you until you breathe no more.

It hangs like a shadow and makes life after such a tragic event difficult to reclaim. Yet, we must push forward. In the same manner, as a child learning to walk, we must learn to transport ourselves from one point to another with grieving on our hearts. With a piece of our innocence left in the past, we must learn to write the next chapter. We remind ourselves of what is important. We take care of our own first and let other responsibilities slide. Slowly, we inch back into commitments and work tirelessly toward reconnecting with the broader community. This is easier said and written than done.

When your little brother decides to complete suicide, no one ever looks at you the same way again. The whispers are audible. The glances held a little longer. The words of prayer sting like bees. The truth of the matter is this, grief doesn’t end because well-intentioned people don’t allow it. Of course, you don’t want it to end either. Grief comes with guilt. Trips to the movies, ocean, and across the country fill you with guilt. Guilt for the things he should be doing. Guilt for the things you get to do, and he doesn’t. Grief and guilt go hand-in-hand. Grief and guilt force you to hold onto his memory; a memory you slowly feel fading away.

Grief can define you or you can define it. In this circumstance, it is the ultimate choice to be made. For the most part, I am intensely proud of those around me. They have defined grief and used it to educate and advocate for a more kind, gentle, and understanding world. They have stood at the gap of understanding around mental health and decided to demand more. We do this because no one should ever feel the pain we feel. We wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I don’t know if we believed that before November 3rd, 2014, but we know it now.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

At the center of every album is a musical thesis. Bon Iver’s “22, A Million” is a wildly creative stab at redefining the very essence of popular music. To pull this off, experimental sounds, unusual arrangements, and lyrics that leave you guessing are brought together in an amalgamation giving birth to a full-on sensory experience. Many listeners might not respond positively to this sort of experimentation. I, for one, found it bold, refreshing, and a welcome entry from an artist who consistently gives me something I never expected.

I am not sure Bon Iver set out to change the dynamic of music. I am guessing those who end up being true pioneers never do. My sense is they set out to push internal and external boundaries, to create music they enjoy, and can be enjoyed by a wider audience. At the end of the day, this is still music, notes, rhythm, chord changes, and a beat. Yet, some music is just a replication of the past and some pushes new artistic boundaries. This is one of those rare instances where art is actually created.

For this sense of experimentation, not all artists are rewarded. Without a doubt, this collection of songs is not for everyone. Some won’t understand. Some won’t like it. Some won’t get it. That’s more than okay. For those that do, this is meant for us. We can use it to connect to one other. We can use it as fuel for our creative endeavors. We can appreciate it for its emotional range and depth. We can appreciate it for forcing us to look at the world a little bit differently.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

A traumatized veteran, unafraid of violence, tracks down missing girls for a living. When a job spins out of control, Joe's nightmares overtake him as a conspiracy is uncovered leading to what may be his death trip or his awakening.

My Critique

PTSD earned from a combat zone is a snowy mountain to climb. Some veterans, due to no fault of their own, crumble under the weight of the avalanche. Others, rise like a phoenix and manage their trauma. Then, you get introduced to a film like “You Were Never Really Here” and realize there is a group of people stuck somewhere in the middle.

The frantic tug-of-war on display in this film is amplified using natural sound that will often leave you covering your ears for protection. With the addition of a pulsing and ominous soundtrack, the filmmakers invite you inside of the mind of someone who is both battling PTSD and trying to save others from trauma-inducing experiences.

The film focuses on Joe played by Joaquin Phoenix who absolutely stuns and shines in the role. Joe is a fixer, consumed by demons of war, who uses his talents to track down abducted girls. At the beginning of the film, we meet Joe wrapping up a pursuit and returning to his home life. Before life can return to normal, he is called back into action to track down a senator’s daughter. As he does, a twist I never saw coming and a real sense of violence are revealed. It was at this point that I wanted to applaud the writers of this film for being so bold. At this point in the movie, you know there is more to learn about these characters. Instead of spoon feeding us, they decide to show us in layers like a chef removing the skin from an onion.

As Joe changes directions, we are introduced to the concept of a slow revenge and scorching the Earth in order to save someone’s innocence. Throughout the journey, we are consistently faced with Joe’s trauma and its source. In the end, trying to tell two stories at once and how they relate was a gamble for such a low budget film. Yet, it paid off in a multitude of ways.

In the end, I think this is a film worth streaming. It asks the audience to do a lot of work; work most audience members aren’t willing to do. It doesn’t necessarily answer all the questions it poses but gives you enough to keep you interested. It also tells a brave story; one missing from today’s cinema. For that, it should be commended and watched from the comfort of your home.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

On May 1st, 2020, I will begin hiking the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada through California, Oregon, and Washington. This ongoing series is an attempt to document the entire journey from beginning to end.

Why the PCT?

Such a simple question, yet it gives birth to a thousand complicated answers. The simplest might be for the experience. I am choosing to hike over 2,600 for the experience. Still, it is more nuanced than that. I want to test myself. I am hoping to learn invaluable things about myself. I am hoping this is the genesis of something grand; a defining moment in my life. I want this to be ground zero for a significant change; a point in time where I never doubt my abilities again.

Why now?

Well, it isn’t happening right now. We aren’t scheduled to leave until May 1, 2020. Beginning the planning process two years out will give me plenty of time to train, plan, and get my life in a comfortable spot. Hiking the PCT isn’t a free experience and neither is putting your life on hold. Two years allows me some time to grow more comfortable with the entire endeavor. When I hit the trail, I want to only worry about the miles before me and taking advantage of every opportunity. I don’t want anything else clouding my mind.

My biggest fears?

In no certain order, I am worried about the following: hiking for four months, getting sick or hurt, having enough money for the trip, not seeing Brandon, finding a job when the journey is over, food, water, shelter, wilderness hiking, camping, carrying gear day after day, buying the right gear, using the gear properly, being away from family and friends, assimilating back into the real world, and taking advantage of the experience.

How to even begin preparing for such an exercise?

This is one of the most daunting challenges. Luckily for me, the world is now filled with resources on everything you need to know about hiking the PCT. Books, articles, blogs, and more are currently serving as my education. Over the next year, it is my hope to take in as much information as possible. Over the same period, it is my hope to do as much hiking as possible to get my body ready for such a feat. As I get closer to the actual launch day, I am hoping to ramp up all these efforts.

What does the end look like?

This is something I think about daily. What does arriving in Canada look like? Who will I be at the end of that journey? How will I look at society differently? Where will my journey go after the trail is finished? The answering of these questions is why I truly want to take this journey. I cannot wait to see what is on the other side. I cannot wait to see what version of myself is on the other side. As I begin this process, I want to thank you in advance for joining me on one of the most daunting exercises of my life. It should be one hell of a ride.

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

I left Oklahoma in 2011. For seven years now, I have called the West Coast home. When I go back to Oklahoma, everything feels so foreign, so small. As a little kid from Frederick, I remember thinking Oklahoma City was the biggest place in the world. I had no concept of something like the sheer size of New York or LA. The tallest building in my hometown was and is a grain elevator. Now, I have had the privilege to travel and live in a few places. Looking backward, I see a world almost unrecognizable to me; not wrong by any means, just different.

Of all the titles I get to wear, none brings me as much joy as the title of uncle. I love flying into town with a cool story, some inspiration, and motivation for my nieces and nephews. My favorite part is watching them grow and become little human beings with opinions, interests, and beliefs. I see it as my duty to try and encourage a sense of exploration while showering them with love and attention. If they graduate high school without fear of what comes next, then I think I have done my job.

Behind a shoe store, in downtown Elk City, sits a little record store. It is part personal collection, part ambitious hope of bringing new and exciting music to small-town Oklahoma. The owner is more than happy to help you dig through stacks of records, chat music, and listen to new stuff. With the explosion and resurgence of vinyl, I hope more shops like BTB’s Records and Rarities open. The world needs more gathering spaces where people can come together and discuss their passions.

Kansas is like a fat-free version of Oklahoma; the flavor is there but something feels a little wrong. On this trip home, I headed to the flatlands for my nephew’s high school graduation. As we drove north of Amarillo into the Panhandle of Oklahoma and then southwestern Kansas, a flood of thoughts rushed through my mind. Thoughts like… Why would anyone live here? These guys know the Dust Bowl and Depression ended, don’t they? Look, another cow!

As family and friends from all over converged on the small town of Elkhart, Kansas, I began to feel like a fish out of water. 16 years ago, I left small-town America. Since then, I have grown unfamiliar with the politics, societal norms, and what passes for a good time. I am sure for some this makes me seem like a snob or an elitist living on one of America’s coasts. For me, it is the reason I left in the first place. Where I grew up feels like the antithesis of all that I am. Every time I go back, I am reminded of this fact.

The practice of high school graduation is such an odd exercise. Like most transitional periods, it marks a turn in your life from everything you were to everything you are to become. With the turning of a tassel, a world of responsibility and decisions lands on your shoulder. There may be no other activity where so much changes so fast. Being released into the wild will determine how much you learned in the last 18 years. You’ll spend the rest of your life chasing that very truth. That’s a lot of pressure to put on an 18-year-old kid.

I love going home to visit family and friends. I hate leaving them behind. I hate watching my mother walk away with tears in her eyes. I hate missing birthdays, anniversaries, parties, and gatherings for no reason other than just being together. I hate that time is getting away from me. I hate that time is getting away from those I love. I love my life and wouldn’t change it for almost anything in the world, but I hate missing my family.

Of all the things that are expected of you in this life, this easiest thing is showing up. In fact, some might say it is half the battle. No matter the distance, I have tried to do exactly that. I may miss a lot of little moments, but I am there when it counts. I am there for the moments that matter. I am there when people need to know they are loved and appreciated. I am there for the same moments I want others to be present for in my own life. It is the least I can do, but it is the thing that makes me the proudest of myself.

Time and distance have a way of changing a person. I am not the same person I was at 18 when I graduated high school. I am not the same person I was at 27 when I left for Seattle. Bits and pieces are the same, but overall, I feel like a new version of myself. When I return home, I work really hard to keep this truth at the forefront of my mind. When I go home, I work to know myself and not compromise who I am and all that I have become.

I love to travel. It is one of my favorite things to do in the world, but I love returning home to Brandon. When I cross the plain of our doorway and see his wide smile, everything is right in my world again. It is at this moment that I am reminded of my true home. Here the weight of the world can melt off my shoulders and all in the world is right again. Wherever his heart is, so is mine. Wherever he is, is home. Traveling always has a way of reminding me of this.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

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Once a year, usually around graduation season, I sit down and pen a letter to the graduates of my alma mater, the University of Central Oklahoma. The idea for this year’s letter has been sitting with me for a few months. It stems from an incident that occurred earlier this year at UCO but is a part of a larger conversation happening on college campuses nationwide.

Earlier this year, Ken Ham, the founder of Answers in Genesis was scheduled to speak at UCO. UCOSA, receiving pressure from some LGBTQ+ groups and others, rescinded his invitation to the university and then, thanks to media attention and pressure from lawmakers, was invited back to UCO by President Betz. Now, if you are unfamiliar with Ham’s work, I will give you a short synopsis thanks to Wikipedia.

“Ken Ham is an Australian-born Christian fundamentalist and young Earth creationist living in the United States. He is president of Answers in Genesis, a Creationist apologetics organization that operates the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter. Ham advocates biblical literalism, believing that the Book of Genesis is historical fact and the universe of approximately 6,000 years old, contrary to scientific evidence which shows the Earth is about 4.5 billion years old and the universe is about 13.8 billion years old.”

As a millennial, college graduate, I understand fully the frustration of having to continually debate things we know to be true. I understand the pain of not being accepted for who you are. I understand the bible being used as a weapon against you and those you love/support. Ham is far from the only person traveling the country trying to drum up controversy in an attempt to further his message. He is counting on outrage. He needs it to get people into seats. Without it, he is nothing more than a man selling snake oil for migraines. He, and others like him, know the youth of today are more connected, tolerant, and educated than any generation who came before them. He knows you will see injustices in this world and demand something be done. He is fully prepared to use the first amendment and the status of public institutions to spread his message. He wants you to believe that you don’t have a choice. You absolutely have a choice. Students everywhere have a choice.

Our institutions of higher learning are fertile ground for the meeting of ideas; even those ideas where we assume debate to be over. To do so, it to pay homage to Aristotle who once said, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Our institutions of higher learning can invite the Ken Ham’s of the world without endorsing their arguments. As students, you can refuse to fill their lecture halls and auditoriums. You can stage disobedience by hosting discussions of your own about evolution, the scientific method, god of the gaps, and LGBTQ+ history. You can use what is learned in the classroom to make a louder and more convincing argument. Free speech works both ways. Don’t be afraid to use it.

Ultimately, UCO made the right choice by allowing Ken Ham to speak on campus. When the white-nationalist comes behind him or someone who doesn’t believe in feminism, they should be allowed to speak too. My hope, as a proud Broncho alum, is that our students will be ready. They will be armed with data, research, and open heart toward their fellow man. With those weapons at our side, no one can stand in the way of truth.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

Every year, as graduation season kicks off, I sit down to write a letter to my former classmates at Frederick High School. The letter is intended for more than just those who comprised the class of 2002. It is my intention for it be read and applied to the lives of those far beyond my hometown of Frederick, Oklahoma. I think this year’s letter does a better job of achieving that mission than anything else I have written before, but I will let you be the judge of that.

Dear Sara,

I hope this letter finds you well. A quick search on Facebook shows you smiling, laughing, and loved. We all tend to show our best selves on social media, myself included, so I can only hope pictures are worth a thousand words and you are truly happy.

You may have noticed from above, but I have removed your last name. There were only 61 people in our graduating class, so I am guessing it won’t be hard for people to figure out who I am talking about in this letter. You should know this; if I get any indication whatsoever that you want this post removed, please do not hesitate to ask. I will gladly do it. No questions asked.

Sara, over the last 16 years, you have crossed my mind on many occasions. It usually happens when I am watching something like the documentary, “Bully,” or if I ever bear witness to some example in pop culture or in my daily life of a person/group of people using their power to hold another person in their “supposed” place. I think about the pain, anguish, and loneliness one must feel when they are in that position. Sara, I think of my own brother, Lucas, who completed suicide. I think of the intolerable forces, both from within and without, that drove him to such a decision.

In truth Sara, this letter isn’t meant just for you. Rather, I am using you as a representation of all those kids who didn’t get a fair shot, who were treated differently, and weren’t allowed to fully be themselves. I am writing this letter to kids everywhere who know first hand how cruel kids can be. I am also writing this letter to apologize.

On numerous occasions, I had the opportunity to ease some of your burdens. I was in a position of power and influence. When people were making fun, teasing, or bullying, I had the chance to step between you and those doing harm. On numerous occasions, I chose not to do that. Instead, I walked away, hid in my fear, and/or worse, participated. At the time, I knew it was wrong and still chose to do nothing. You weren’t the only person I let down. I let countless others down. I let myself down. I knew what a leader should do, and I didn’t do it. I chose popularity over what was right. I ignored, laughed, or launched my own insults. If you look back on your K-12 experience with anything less than fondness, it is because of guys and girls like me.

High school was an amazing chapter in my life. Each chapter after has built on that experience and been even better. You and those who may have known pain likes yours deserved and deserve to feel the same way. The conformity of teens robbed you of that experience and for that, I am tremendously sorry.

I write this as a 34-year old man. I am gay, out, and proud. I have never known ridicule, judgment, or public shame for being who I am. One day, I hope to marry my boyfriend. I will do so surrounded by people who love and support us. After that, naturally, will come questions about children. Lots of things make me hesitant about having kids. Money, time, and energy are just a few that bubble to the surface, but nothing makes me lean toward a solid no like the way kids treat other kids. Introduce the idea of social media and the fact that it is getting harder for kids to escape their tormentors, then I flat out say no. Born to a bi-racial, gay couple, I can only imagine the hell that would be visited upon his or her doorstep. I can only imagine what that pain feels like. One, because I never experienced such pain. Two, because I don’t really know what it feels like to be bullied. Sara, you and those like you, know better than I do. My lessons were learned from your experiences. Sure, time may change me and instill in me some courage and proper caution. For now, I say no to the idea of having my kids be victims.

In closing Sara, nothing makes me cry more often than seeing someone use their place to purposefully hold someone else back. It seems more often now I am reading books, watching movies/tv, and hearing stories exactly about that concept. These stories have shaped me for the better. They have made me wiser, kinder, and more sympathetic. They have made me want to get down on my knees and apologize to every kid I should have helped. Unfortunately, I can’t fix the past. All I can do is try to make wrongs, right. One of the ways I can do that is by promising to never stand silently by when it happens again. Today, Sara, that is my promise. For that, I thank you.

And one more thing… If you are stumbling across this letter and feel the impulse to congratulate me, let me know I am being too hard on myself, and/or inflate my sense of bravery, don’t. I don’t need those words. I have written this with a sense of clarity. I have written these words from a place of calm and acceptance. Instead of lavishing your praise on a guy like me who doesn’t need it or want it, I implore you to think on your own life. Think of all the Sara’s who occupied space in your timeline. Think of how you could have been better. If you are feeling brave, reach out and apologize. At the very least, promise to be better and promise to raise kids who are better than you were at their age. The cycle of bullying, shaming, and suicide among our teens and young adults will only end when we promise to do just that.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to defeat the powerful Thanos before his blitz of devastation and ruin puts an end to the universe.

My Critique

It is impossible to write about this film without spoiling some necessary plot point. With that said, you’ve been warned.

I never judge a film by the reaction of a crowd. As I scanned Twitter for the first impressions of “Avengers: Infinity War,” I found several critics falling prey to such an exercise. If you were to judge the audience I watched this movie with on an unassuming Monday night, you would have heard silence, seen disbelief, noticed sadness and a great deal of bewilderment. You might have easily concluded that no one liked this film. That judgment can easily sink into your own.

Instead, we need to judge this film for what it is. It is an event unlike any other, 10 years in the making, cobbling together some of the most well-known stars in Hollywood in an attempt to deliver on one of the most ambitious projects in modern-day cinema all to show the depth, breadth, and arch of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU).

To achieve this audacious goal, Marvel needed us to focus on a villain with a very clear thesis; the universe has a finite amount of resources and the population of the cosmos has become burdensome. In other words, genocide is great. Of all the villains faced in the last ten years, the thesis of Thanos is the clearest. Therefore, I believe this to be the best film in the MCU.

Defeating Thanos, someone hellbent on winning becomes an exercise in futility. As he gobbles up Infinity Stones for his gauntlet, he becomes even more powerful. The question becomes, how do you beat someone who can control the laws of physics? Repeatedly throughout this film, our heroes make wrong choices. They put the well-being of one over the fate of humanity. This desire to do no harm allows Thanos to grow stronger and ultimately leads to the demise of half of the galaxy.

This stunning event is what has left so many audience members shocked. We aren’t used to a storyline where the bad guy wins and achieves his ultimate goal. We have certain expectations for stories such as these. “Avengers: Infinity War” defies our expectations and beckons us toward a final installment with an age-defying question; Can the strongest among us defeat a god?

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

When I head into the great outdoors and places like Zion National Park, I go with some very specific goals in mind. First, I am trying to reconnect with nature and quiet the noise that accompanies my daily life. Secondly, I go to experience something new and challenge myself. Finally, I go trying to capture the perfect photo. Now, I don’t have the best camera in the world. It doesn’t have all the bells and whistles, but it has the supreme ability to capture a moment I never want to forget.

Last week, I announced to the world my intention to hike the entirety of the Pacific Crest Trail in a couple of years. This trip to Zion was an attempt to begin working on my endurance, water management, and comfort level with long distance hikes. On Saturday, I hiked about 15 miles. To conquer the PCT, I will need to average 20-25 miles per day for 4-5 months. Needless to say, my body has a long way to go to get into shape before the big journey. Hopefully, increasing my distance and comfort level with multi-day trips will properly prepare me but only time will tell.

One of the things I adore about hiking is the simple fact that from every perspective, you see something new. No two points from point A to B and B back to A is the same. I find this to be a wonderful metaphor for our lives. If we can approach our problems from new angles, we might be surprised by what we discover. As I hiked 15 miles, much of it alone, I was forced to think about all the issues I am grappling. Seeing a rock formation from a different angle, really inspired me to pause and take a second look.

The second thing I adore about hiking is that fact that it forces you to look forward. Before you are any number of trials to be conquered. It can be a creek, unsteady path, or rocks to scramble. Looking backward will prepare you for what comes next. Standing in the present grounds you. Focusing on what comes next, is when all the things you learned come to fruition. Again, I find this to be a really wonderful metaphor for life.

Three hours from Zion National Park is Las Vegas, which is 5 hours from Los Angeles. Logically, this seemed like a decent halfway point for a night before heading back home. The juxtaposition between these two places cannot be overemphasized. In Zion, I see a place built by the hands of time. Mountains, crevices, and canyons shaped by the unforgiving forces of water, wind, and receding glaciers. In Las Vegas, I see a place built by the hands of man in one of the most unforgiving environments standing where no city should stand. Each provides a sense of joy, but one is more primal and the other entices the ego. Both inspire and confound me, but in completely different ways.

Hidden in the Las Vegas Container District is a little cocktail bar called Oak & Ivory. Without a doubt, this is one of the best cocktail bars in Vegas. For me, it even rivals Cannon in Seattle. The bartenders are friendly, approachable, and knowledgeable. They are masters of their craft. Sit down, tell them what you like, and watch the magic happen. When people ask me about things they should do in Vegas, I always mention this bar as number one on my list.

Growing up and living in Las Vegas, I assume you get tired of being asked what it is like to live there. I assume this conversation gets a little tiring because it is built on a false premise that what happens on the strip happens all over Vegas. I have been told by locals repeatedly, they rarely venture to the strip. Instead, they head to work, home, out for date nights, and the kids’ baseball games. You know all the stuff we do in our boring lives.

I have been to Las Vegas somewhere in the ballpark of 15 times. I cannot think of another city I have visited more often. Something about the place fascinates me. I would never live there. I don’t participate in a quarter of what the city has to offer. I don’t gamble. I haven’t been to any shows. Yet, I keep returning. On this trip, it dawned on me why. I am fascinated by what locals do in Vegas. I find myself looking for their bars, restaurants, and shops. Perhaps I am trying to prove myself that normal life can exist in a tourist destination.

I also find myself fascinated by the future of Las Vegas. On the strip, sits vacant lots waiting for the massive footprints of future resorts and casinos. A quick internet search tells me new resorts are on their way. I can’t help but think about how that will change and shape the city. I also wonder what the future looks like for residents as they attempt to carve out a living in the unforgiving world of growth and gentrification.

As Las Vegas got smaller in the rearview mirror, I thought back on Zion and all the time I spent in Sin City. With the open road before us, my mind drifted to thoughts of what is before me. I thought of the work still to do in Los Angeles. I thought of my relationship with Brandon and the celebrations and challenges before us. I thought of walking away from important work to fulfill a dream on the Pacific Crest Trail. I thought of heading back to Seattle and making it my forever home. Thanks to experiences such as these, I feel prepared for whatever comes next.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.

A teenager gets a summer job working for a horse trainer and befriends the fading racehorse, Lean on Pete.

My Critique

When seeing a movie for the very first time, you should ideally enter the theater with a clear mind and the expectation that any film has potential to be good. Ideally! This is often far from reality. The truth is that we bring the weight of all the art we’ve ever consumed, our own experiences, and the little bit of information we could pull from a two-minute trailer. From there, our love, hatred, or lukewarm feeling toward a film grows.

I entered the theater to see “Lean on Pete” with almost no expectations. It was my intention to enjoy the ride and keep an open mind. I am so very glad I took this route because by the time the final credits rolled I left thinking this might be the most surprising film of the year.

Lean on Pete is an aging racehorse whose better days are behind him. As the film presses forward, we learn about the real world of horse racing and the fate awaiting horses who are no longer profitable to their owners. Charlie Plummer plays Charley Thompson, a boy beset with loneliness. He is the son of a single father; the mother having left long ago, and an aunt no longer allowed to be in the picture. Charley gets a summer job working with a horse trainer and instantly forms a bond with Lean on Pete.

Repeatedly, we see evidence that Charley is a good kid in a tough spot. Then a tragedy befalls his small family and he is put to the ultimate test; a search for some semblance of home begins. As his world comes crashing down, he learns of the fate awaiting Pete. As he finds himself leaning on this animal for the support he cannot get anywhere in the world, he makes a daring escape with a plan to find his aunt in Wyoming.

As he presses forward, we learn valuable lessons about asking for help over pride and life in the vast, unforgiving west. We also learn the value of having someone to lean on when times get tough. In the end, maybe the film caught me on the right day. Perhaps I did it justice by entering with no expectations or maybe it was just a wonderful film about the power of relationships. I am inclined to believe the latter. You should judge for yourself which is why I recommend seeing this film.

Be good to each other,

-Nathan

I've never asked readers for financial support before. I am committed to keeping content on this site free and open to all. For me, this means no paywalls or subscription fees. If you like what I create, please consider making a contribution on Patreon.