Well, I think it is a paranoid vision / perception... BUT it's a bit harsh or rude to say such thing to someone who has just lost her husband. I only made the comment because she's not following this forum. IF she was, then I would have kept the comment for myself. It's not the right time to discuss these issues with her.

The people in every secret order claim to be illuminated because of the secret knowledge they are given there but in most cases this knowledge is not really worth anything. I posses almost complete initiation rites from Golden R+C Order but this knowledge is almost useless even superstitious in the 21th century.

Maybe it's not quite right?
Or not sinister enough, as the case maybe?
I'd find it useful to have eyes in the back of my head with some of the shenanigans that go on in those rites.
Or perhaps to have a golden eagle sitting on my roof instead of three lowsy crows?
Either way I think you could probably absorb a lot from the poetry, art, and music in one of those clubs.
if you catch my hermetic drift..