ok so my boyfriend is in county jail awaiting trial and i know hes gonna go to prison because of his charge and because hes been to prison before. im an emotional wreck because of the situation and because of what hes done i just dont even know what to think anymore. his charge is first degree murder but i dont think he meant to kill anyone. hes a teddy bear on the inside and hes just not like that, but again im so confused and so stressed out i just dont even know what to think anymore. he was on a lot of drugs and really drunk when this happened and i dont know the details cuz i was in jail when he did this and i blame myself because the friends he was with dont care about him and i think that if i werent in jail that i could have made sure he wasnt doing any drugs or made sure that he wasnt in a bad situation and i could have prevented this whole thing. i dont want him to spend the rest of his life in prison because i care about him and i dont even know the possibilities of if it could be reduced or what kind of plea deal he could get or anything like that. i just freak out all the time because i dont know what to think and im sad all the time and its just a really bad situation. i really need some advice right now so if anyone can help that would be amazing!

For one...just breathe! Take a deep breath and realize you couldn't have done anything to change the situation. You do not control his actions, he does!

As far as not believing what he did, I can tell you in my drug days I did lots of things no one would believe. (I am a recovering addict.) My mom still doesn't believe some of things I did, even when I sit there and say I did! I can also say there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent my behavior.

For two, you never know what God has in store for you or him. Don't assume anything, wait for the judge to decide his sentence. There is no sense is stressing over a life sentence, when you don't know that yet. Live one day at a time and it will get much better.

I pray for strength and serenity for both of you.

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STOP right there hun and breath. First off no one can stop anyone from doing something stupid. We all make our own dessions in life that lead us to were we are and were we will go. He made this bed and now he has to live with it. You need to follow your heart and not blame yourself you did not give him whatever he used to do his crime. I felt like it was my fault when my baby went to jail, but i relized that just cause i was there did not mean i could have stoped him could have i should have I yes did I no, but i figure if i was supposed to then I would have everything happens for a reason good or bad its what you make of it and how you come out of it. Good Luck and hold on this will not be easy

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Sweetie, just deal with YOU. YOU were in jail, and you need to get yourself organized and on the right track much more than you need to worry about him. Whatever happens to him will have absolutely nothing to do with you, so don't go taking responsibility for anything. You did what you did and he did what he did - each of you has to deal with your own stuff.

It was NOT your responsibility to keep him from doing drugs or alcohol - it was HIS. He has to accept that and especially so do you.

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You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.

thanks everyone...that does help. I have given this to god and I pray all the time. I am gonna do what I need to do for me but I also want to be there for him. Its just so scary not knowing what could possibly happen and I wanna get him a regular lawyer but theres no way me or his family will ever see that kind of money. we do write and i was able to talk to him on the phone the other day( i gotta get more minutes) and he has accepted this but hes scared out of his mind and i hurt for him. i just wish there was more that i could do and i wish i knew what was possibly gonna happen. i have another question though, i havent gotten another letter from him in like a week and a half and when i talked to him on the phone he said he had sent one out but i havent gotten it! those letters and phone calls are like gold so im freakin out that something happened to him or maybe he just isnt writing anymore but i know thats not the case cuz he could be really pissed at me and hed still write so if anyone has any advice or maybe theyve been through that it would help! hes still in county jail so i dunno if that has anything to do with it. my friend told me maybe the co just was waiting a while to send out mail but i dunno so any help please send it my way! thanks

First and foremost you can't blame yourself for his actions! My husband is in prison charged with 1st degree murder,he was not even at the scene when the guy was killed but because there were 7 guys there before the killing he was charged.we have been married 15 years as of Jan.21st 2011,and he has been locked up 14 years and has 11 more before he gets a chance to have a parole hearing.He was sentenced to 25 years to natural life so theres a chance that he will not be paroled in 11 years.

I'm sooooooo sorry that you are going through this right now... But you can not blame yourself for what happen... It was out of your control whether you were in jail or home so sont blame yourself... You came to the right place for support and strength... I hope everything goes good with his case

You cannot change what was allegedly done nor can you stop the prison sentence he may or may not get. All you can do is decide to ride with him as a girlfriend or as a friend, if you want to ride at all. You have a support system here, and you can be each others support system. Hold your head.