Understand Men. Find Love.

Menu

"Your email gave me new motivation to be open to new possibilities that didn't fit in my box."

I’ve appreciated your advice and wanted to thank you, and just share with you how it has helped. For a long time I was stuck on a guy who wanted the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. I knew it was fruitless and was trying to move past it before I found your website, but the constant encouragement in your materials really helped me abide by my promises to myself, and to choose nothing (temporarily) over something sub-par.

It was liberating to feel like I was choosing to opt out, instead of letting him reject me. It was also a little hard, in that I felt like I was shutting the last possible romantic door of possibility presently in my life. All that work, and I was back to square one, choosing nothing over sub-par.

But your email about dumping that guy helped me follow through with that choice, and gave me new motivation to be open to new possibilities that didn’t fit in my box. Around that same time I stumbled upon a Craigslist Missed Connections ad that oddly fit me. I would normally have laughed and ignored it but, fresh off the resolve to walk away from sub-par and be more open, I answered it. He replied. We continued to exchange email.

He had first seen me unlocking my bike, and we started leaving messages in my bike basket. (It turns out I wasn’t the actual Missed Connection, but he was intrigued enough to find my bike based on the few clues in our emails). He went to all this effort to get to know me before even seeing what I looked like; then we met and it was even better in person. We’ve started seeing each other — and it looks like we’ll keep doing so — and it’s been surprisingly amazing: he makes me feel special, goes out of his way for me, doesn’t keep me guessing about whether I’ll hear from him, gives me his full attention. It’s too early to say how it will “turn out,” but at the very least it gives me a glimpse of “what it should look like,” and raises my confidence in having high standards for how I want to be treated, but a greater sense of openness in where and how I’ll find the “right” person.