My favorite part of Engi...hard to say. I have my least favorite part locked down: failing people. I have failed to run a village, run any lasting characters, and to run a clan. Also, failed to stick to any of the non-Engi RP we would do. And it sucks. I hold a grudge against myself for it. But, it always happened at a point where Engi proved to be a canary in a coal mine for me, making me realizing that I was avoiding reality and avoiding things I needed to do that carried real tangible consequences for failing to accomplish.

But, truly, my favorite part of Engi has been the people. I have met some of the coolest people through here and made some of my most steady friendships that transcend way beyond doing ninja arpee with them. Engi folk have been there for me when I have been at my lowest and they have congratulated me when I was at my highest. Y'all are typically good people and I'm glad for all the crap we've all been through as members of this site.

Anyways, cheers, and maybe I'll see you around.

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"The more I see of what you call civilization,
the more highly I think of what you call savagery!"Robert E. Howard, King Kull

I'll pretty much second Kyz on the least favorite part of Engi, did it all except failing to run a village which would have probably happened if I had the chance. Honestly don't have that many good memories of Engi because I never really did much on the site. Didn't make any friendships on the site, and if anything probably alienated more than anything.

But it's not all bad. I've had a lot of fun over the years coming up with character ideas and doing the math, picking out the techs. I even made a clan, and helped Junge one. So I guess it's not like I never accomplished anything? One thing that turned around my enjoyment of the site was coming up with really stupid thread ideas with Junge, thankfully he'll never see this post because boy would that be embarrassing.

Favorite part was always the people. I still talk to a few of you outside the Engi sphere, and it's great to see how we have all grown up but still adore the Naruto-verse. I think about you guys often and about spending all my summer hours role playing with ya'll.

I have to say that I feel really thankful for finding this site as a 15 year old bored of the samey and tiresome RP chat fights. I wanted to build something of real merit with characters that I painstakingly thought of at opportune moments of internet time. I used to trek to the library, sneak on the family's computers, shun going out with family and other offline friends to come and play with ya'll.

It was so much fun being able to share stories and experiences with people who had the same interests as me. I can't tell you how many times I've been humbled, reading the characters and stories from my fellow writers. I struggle to call myself a writer to this day, honestly, as I remember being so enthralled by the people I admired. I struggled and wracked my brain on how to become more involved or how to emulate the expression that a lot of you seemed to be able to produce so naturally.

Somehow I stumbled into the position of becoming a GM and attempted to guide the same people I really admired in a story. Well, I'll leave the result of that aside and offer that I'm glad that I had the opportunity to be able to do that. Thankful, even. The people here have had key roles in my life and development through teenage years and beyond. I was even able to meet some of you, in what was a real fucking blast! I may not be around as much, as my attention and interest have largely shifted from writing in this style... but please know that I definitely keep my eyes open and I try to follow ya'll as much as I'm able.

I'll try to hover around the Engi sphere a little more, but know that I still love all of you and that I'm proud to be a part of this fantastic website.

This was my first little sanctuary. The place where I made the friends that stuck around the longest. This account has, I think, been around for a decade now, even if my activity has been sporadic (haha you don't say) lately.

If it weren't for this website, in lots and lots of ways, I don't think I'd be the person I am today. And I think I'd be much worse off.

To put it simply, this place is irreplaceable. Believe me I've tried. This most recent period of site-wide slow down was particularly bad and I vacated. With a tight knit web I scoured the internet looking for other RPs that could fill the writing hole in my heart.

Needless to say, there wasn't one that came close. My friends, I wish the reaction I had when I came back to Engi and see the Users Online box lit up with greats like Hitoko, Calibur, Seikon, Will of Fire, Kaen and the ever elusive Mizu was taped, because it was glorious. I'm ecstatic to get back to work again and if possible, regain some of the old luster back. With all that being said thanks Engi for always being there.

Just another old (forgotten) member popping in to say I get nostalgic for Engi too.

I haven’t posted in a couple years, and haven’t been active for even more years, but I do check in once in a while just to see if this place is still alive. Even though it’s not buzzing with activity like when we first started, I’m always relieved to see there’s still a bit of a pulse. I look back on my Engi memories with genuine fondness and would be sad to see it die. (The fact that I randomly remember Engi and feel an urge to check in all these years later in really says a lot about how much of a positive impact it had on me and how important it was.)

I joined when I was 13 and this place was a big part of my life in high school. My writing here would be embarrassing to look back on now, but I know all that character building and storytelling experience has made me a better writer today. (Sorry to anyone who had to deal with my crappy writing skills back then! o_o) I remember loving the AIM chats—I miss the long, random, late-night conversations and getting to use as many emoticons as I wanted. It was such a welcoming, close-knit, supportive, hard-working, and fun community. I wish I could go back to that time again.

Yesterday was my birthday, while that was going on someone rouse me from my festivities and they asked me a question about some stuff I did when I was here. Those inquiries brought me here and I figured I should probably say something since I'm here, and honestly I am at an age where I should probably be honest about it all.

This site always had a massive clique problem. Always. And the thing was you were either in the clique of it's time, or you were left out in the cold. At the time I wasn't even aware I was in such a thing, I legitimately thought this was just a board and because I happened to have moderated said board I had to speak people and make plans, for the sake of ensuring the story progressed. It wasn't until I realized that my input was no longer wanted that I was officially "out of the loop." So I accepted a convention director job and saw Engi off. I was very disdainful and bitter about it all, but I had to accept that I wasn't wanted.

These days as I look back and see most of my work in Junk or still untouched and outdated I liken it to a Zen Sand Garden, appreciative for what it was at it's time, enjoying the effort it took, but accepting that it's all a fleeting moment and best left in the past. I choose to no longer be bitter about this place or the people who I feel pushed me away, I'm too old to hold these kind of resentments towards anyone or anything (at the ripe age of 17 ;o).

The truth, cliqueism aside, Engi was my home. I came here a dejected young adult with an identity crisis and a drinking problem and somehow stayed alive at a time when I probably should have died from alcohol poisoning. Somehow in the process I grew up, became some kind of role model, and (APPARENTLY ACCORDING TO SOME PEOPLE) changed lives for the better. Yeah, don't ask me how that happened. And it was those facts, combined with the few good times I think I had, that made me so mad to dislike this place.

Honestly I will be the first to admit that my relationship with this site is a definite love/hate relationship, but like I said I have accepted to stop being a resentful jerk about it. What do I plan to do now? Well, I don't want to make any promises to anyone, I really hate to be a disappointment. But another truth I have accepted is one of the reasons I failed so hard as a GM was because I tried to make something "Not Naruto related" in a "Naruto related world", I just don't feel the itch to play a ninja anymore. I would love to rp something, anything, but I think my days of playing ninja are beginning to enter their twilight and I just don't have it in me anymore, I think, I don't know, I'll have to think about it.

Still, Happy 13 Years Engi.

Regard,
Mr. Hicks (who is probably not even really here)

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I want you to take a good look at me and my work and accept that I am not a person with a plan.