One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Andrea: Dart Board Material

Welcome back to another season of mud slinging, bra yanking, junk blurring and good old-fashioned sock burning. Over the next week I'll be inaccurately summing up Survivor Redemption Island's participants. Some will live up to my assessments while others will manage will piss me off with something as simple as a look or an annoying voice inflection. Without further ado, let's meet our first contestant...

Andrea is 21, hails from Wisconsin and has a fear of electric staplers. She claims to be a mash up of J.T. and Parvati and is confident her background in the 4-H club will help her navigate the harsh Nicaraguan terrain. *pause* Excuse me, my eyes are stuck in my frontal lobe. All that rolling does that sometimes.

While watching her cast video I got the distinct impression she was auditioning for a Christopher Guest movie. Tell me this doesn't fit perfectly into Waiting For Guffman...

Like I've maybe said many times before, anyone who refers to themself as "Barbie" while simultaneously shrugging their shoulders and giggling is better suited to having their skins fashioned into a dart board then out in the jungle playing the world's most respected game. Having said that, I could definitely see myself having a lot of fun with this one... glorious, looking up words and phrases in the DSM IV type of fun. Hooray!

She like doesn't like girly girls, but people like can't believe that she like likes to hunt. *sharpens knives* This bitch is annoying and phony. Time to friend her on Facebook!

Halfway through this clip I ceased hearing words coming out of her mouth and all I heard was the blood rushing through my head. Her mouth was moving but I was experiencing what I think is a slight stroke. I've been on this website for 10 minutes, watched 2 videos, and still can't tell you the names of either. NEXT!!

the majority of this cast (as you will no doubt discover) seem to be auditioning for the movies; "Survivor" for them seems to be just a springboard to get there. This girl is hardly an exception. Have you noticed? - 3/4 of the cast is from CA, several of them are from Santa Monica alone.

Yeah. I hate girls that feel the need to constantly list for us the reasons why they're better than all the other girls. It's like those girls who wear pants with "HOTTIE" written across their ass. If you're really a hottie, trust me, we can tell without having it spelled out for us.

But she has already basically insulted all the other women in the cast, so...that could be interesting.