Body language is one of the most important ways you communicate. Women and successful men perceive what your body language shows about you in less than a second. Since it’s processed on the subconscious level, your body language will make or break the interaction before you ever open your mouth.

Unfortunately, guys who didn’t grow up with a masculine, athletic, macho, infrastructure in their lives never absorbed the confident body language that turns women on, so they’re at a disadvantage on the dating market. Being aware of your own unconfident body language is a crucial step, but it’s only the first step.

Fixing your body language is a challenge that you have to approach from multiple angles.

Focused Versus Holistic

There are two ways to go about improving your body language: focused and holistic. Everyone should be doing both. Focused improvement is when you take a microscope to your specific behaviors and work on improving each one. This could be evaluating the way you place your feet when you walk, how you position your shoulders, correcting your forward head tilt, etc.

Equally important is holistic improvement. The best examples I can come up with are learning martial arts, seeing a chiropractor, and mobility work like foam rolling. Yesterday I had a Muay Thai workout with a trainer then saw a massage therapist and a chiropractor. Both of these improved my posture and body language to the point where others noticed and commented on it. These methods are also helpful because they don’t require you to be as self-conscious about every little moment you make, which can be crippling if you’re out at a bar and overly focused on your posture instead of the people you’re interacting with.

Because the patterns we’ve experienced all our lives shape how we stand and move, it’s an area of your dating life that can benefit the most from live coaching. Someone who has experienced thousands of reps talking to women is better qualified to critique what you are doing wrong and tell you how to fix it. In the meantime, here are some exercises so you can get started on your own:

Observe the body language of confident men
This is a simple activity that can net you huge results. Go to a public place like a mall or a street with heavy foot traffic. For the first 10 minutes, give every guy a mental rating of his confidence on a scale of 1-10. Don’t overthink it; just go with your gut instinct.

For the next 10 minutes, pay attention to the confident guys and observe specific behaviors they’re exhibiting. How are their shoulders? How is their gate? Bringing a notebook or phone and writing down notes will help but isn’t necessary. By observing what confident guys do and how they behave, you’ll start to embody these traits yourself.

Shoulder dislocators
The most common body language problem that I’ve seen with guys is slumping the shoulders. This is especially problematic for guys who sit at a desk all day, and it occurs as a result of muscle imbalances. Fortunately, there’s an easy fix most people don’t know about. Get a PVC pipe and do this exercise daily for 2 minutes:

Slow down
Most guys who struggle with women move too quickly. They have jerky, fidgety movements that women subconsciously perceive as anxiety. It doesn’t even matter if you are feeling anxious or not: if you are moving too quickly or fidgeting, you will come across as unconfident. There are no exceptions to this rule. This is a very simple fix and just requires practice and conscious awareness of how fast you’re moving. One trick I’ve heard before is to imagine that you are underwater, and move at that speed and fluidity.

Chew gum
This may sound like a gimmick, but there have been actual scientific studies demonstrating that people chewing gum are perceived as more confident and laid back. Chewing gum helps you cut back on fidgeting: if you are chewing gum, other body movements are less likely to occur.

Kettlebell swings
Any weightlifting routine will help your body language, but if I had to pick just one exercise that provides the most benefit, it’s the kettlebell swing. It has the added benefit of strengthening your core and toning your glutes (the biggest things women care about), not to mention they’re just fun to do. See this video below for proper form:

Fake it till you make it
See this life-changing talk by Amy Cuddy below:

There’s no quick fix for body language. Anyone who does an hour of kickboxing every day, an hour of yoga, and weekly chiropractor visits would STILL take months to develop perfect body language. But it’s a simple process that you can drastically improve with as little as 10 minutes a day if you spend them on the right exercises.

One of my clients met a girl a while back who he really liked. She liked him too, and they texted back and forth for a while before setting up a date (side note: if you’re spending days texting girls and not meeting up with them, you suck at text game and you need THIS).

He picks her up at 5:00 pm, and they spend the next few hours bouncing from location to location, getting to know each other, and making out. This girl didn’t have a job, she was fresh out of college and living with her parents.

At 11:00 pm, six hours later, he took her home. And left her there. BAD MOVE.

The Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule

I couldn’t believe it when he told me this story. He had a great date that was six hours long – but, like an idiot, he ignored the Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule (or he didn’t know about it) and completely blew his chance at sleeping with her on the first date.

Oh, YOU don’t know about the Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule, either!?

Okay, here it is, and this is pretty important: girls are 10,000 times more likely to sleep with you after seven hours. Once they’ve spent seven hours with you, they feel like they know you and they’re ready to bang.

Think about it: all your hookups, all your one night stands, any sex that happened on the first date – it was all times when you met her at 9 and slept with her at 4 am the next morning. Seven hours.

The Magical 7 Hour Bang Rule doesn’t have to be all at once, either. Maybe your first date is three hours, the second date is four hours, and BAM. Done deal.

In other words, this client of mine, had he only kept this girl out for one more hour, would have had it in the bag.

The Perfect First Date

Alright, so what should this guy have done? That’s easy. Here’s the breakdown…

5:00 pm, he picks her up from wherever and takes her out. For the next seven hours, his job is now to continue the date and take her from location to location which creates a greater sense of intimacy and familiarity.

I don’t care if you’re bar hopping, I don’t care if you’re at the mall and walking from store to store, I don’t care if you’re at a nursing home visiting all the different old people in their rooms, whatever. Just make sure you’re on the move and connecting over an experience.

At 11:00 pm (seven hours later), you take her back to the house and make out a little bit. It’s only 11 pm. It’s not like it’s early.

By 1:00 am you’re watching some Youtube videos, laughing, making out some more. By now you’ve been with the girl for ten hours – she’s going to sleep with you.

And if she sleeps with you, and you’re really good in bed, she’s yours. Because girls don’t just abandon dudes they sleep with on the first date and risk adding up numbers. That’s just the way it goes.

One of the most important factors in improving your lifestyle, creating a better dating life, and having a masculine lifestyle, is who you choose to surround yourself with.

Who you allow to influence your thinking dictates how you experience the world. You absorb the mental models and worldviews of the people in your ecosystems, and those beliefs can make or break you.

The result: if there’s something you want to achieve, you need to be around people who are already doing it.

If you want to get into the banking game or the hedge fund game, you don’t need to hang out with artists, you need to hang out with fund managers and bankers and great minds. You need an ecosystem of competition and trading ideas and perspective on how to understand the market from an economic view, et cetera.

If you want to get in the startup game and develop a technology company, you need to be in San Francisco, where you can be around that ecosystem of programmers, coders, integration specialists and designers, and see who has what new startup and who’s thinking about what.

If you want to get in the film game, you want exposure; you need to be in L.A. The same principle applies in any social environment, so how can you apply this concept to your dating and social life?

Everything in life you want to achieve is easier when you have a team behind your back. Having a sense of camaraderie with other men who support your goals makes the inevitable setbacks easier to stomach. It makes the victories come quicker and last longer.

When you’re spending too much time by yourself or hanging out with geeks who have no girls in their lives, your ecosystem is holding you back. You need to build an ecosystem of guys who are constantly getting out there, having fun and meeting people, and enjoying life, like the guys in the Leverage Program.

When I look at my friends who have aren’t happy with their dating lives, there are some common themes. None of their friends or their fathers are masculine. They didn’t develop the sense of competition, assertiveness, and cooperation that comes from playing organized team sports.

Part of what makes the Leverage Program so successful is the team mentality all the guys have. Building an ecosystem like this in your own life is crucial, and you need a group of people who have your back.

You’ll meet girls through them, you’ll absorb their habits, you’ll get actionable feedback, and you’ll develop a social identity and support system full of guys who have your back. You’ll learn the subtle patterns of speech and dress that cool guys who “get it” display.

You’ll meet women through their social circles. This is how some guys seem to put in no effort yet still meet the hottest women: it’s because they really are putting in no effort! It happens through the social circles they’ve built.

Your ecosystem forms your foundation in life. Don’t separate your social network of friends from the women you want to hook up with and date. Your dating life should be a natural extension of your social life.

The end game is connecting with human beings. That’s what all this is about: building your confidence, learning social protocol, connecting with women, connecting with human beings, leveraging your resources to acquire more resources to acquire superior companionship over the course of your life.

The takeaway: accept that it’s going to require time to build a better ecosystem. You HAVE to be around people who are achieving the goals you wish to achieve.

I always love when this happens because it creates a satellite community within our group and because the guys are local, it’s very easy for them to spend time together, wing each other, and push each other to grow faster.

And because all of these guys were at pretty similar levels when it came to meeting women, I decided to drive out to Phoenix for the weekend with a few of the moderators to get these guys started off on the right foot.

(Review of The Phoenix Workshop – By Jad Morris)

I’m at home..bored..alone..playing video games and watching Netflix..fantasizing about woman I wish I could be with.

Watch some porn at night and masturbating to the women of my dreams..my house is a fucking pigsty… I am eating like shit..fat..overweight and dressed like an idiot…zero confidence and hating my life with no genuine friends or social skills.

How many of you can relate to what I’m taking about? May be you’re in a similar situation?

Enter Robbie, Sasha, Maxwell, Tyler and Cameron. These alpha males saved my life from utter failure and hopeless chances of ever having solid inner confidence in what’s needed to be a fucking beast with woman.

I get to the workshop not having a clue what to expect. Instantly I wanted what these guys had. Charm, charisma, confidence and an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude and most of all…the hottest women I’ve ever laid eyes on on a regular basis day after day with ease!!

They have me do Day game approaches..recording my interactions with woman with a microphone and video camera. These guys reviewed it and I got feedback. I failed miserably and everyone laughed about it including myself and underneath I was like what a fucking pathetic loser I am.

Then they showed me their first interactions and encounters with woman and they were just as bad and I thought to myself..ok if these guys can do it, so can I.

I learned about approaching woman in many different scenarios with the men.. What to say, my body posture, even the speed of which I talk. When I say it, how I say it..all of it matters.

Tyler and Cameron forced me to approach random woman in the mall. Was difficult..I was chasing women all over the place..they even made me run out of a car and approach a woman walking down the street!! Never in a million years would I have ever done that or even thought about doing something that bold in my life!! Best day ever.

I was forced to hit on woman in the day and at first I had tons of social anxiety. It got easier as it went. I then started pulling phone numbers and it was actually becoming fun.

I learned that social status, fashion, texting and even dating all have a unique and effective way to get woman in the sack. One wrong move..you’re toast! It became the ultimate challenge.

Night game the guys had me go to clubs in Scottsdale and approach woman as well..day one I sucked, was in my head and nervous..Robbie talked to me a lot and told me what to say to woman when I approached them. He was talking to woman with ease while I was standing around like a fucking idiot without a clue what to say or do. It was fun and challenging and I realized this guy had something I truly wanted..confidence, women and he actually gives a fuck about others and their well-being including me. Felt good to have someone give al fuck about me for the first time.

I then bought a drink..had a straw in my vodka redbull drink and Maxwell said get rid of the straw..I did and ironically that made a huge difference when I was approaching woman and I began to get phone numbers.

He had me be a lead with him as my wingman and introduce him to someone forcing me to be the social butterfly I wasn’t yet. Woman saw through it, weren’t interested in me and I lacked confidence was intimidated and left him hanging with a girl..he brutalized me and said never fucking do that again. I’m here to help you!! Woke me up and I didn’t do that and learned to never leave my wingman until they are ready.

Sasha I found talking to the hottest woman I saw in the club. He told me to approach two women at a bar..I learned there is a time when to do that, how to do that and what to say to introduce myself. I was again forced to approach and failed yet it got me out of my comfort zone and then it became easier and easier to approach the rest of the night.

Day two we went to a country bar that night and I crushed!! Got 12 numbers that night. I felt like a fucking predator looking for my next female victim to entice with my charm and get her number. Was a god that couldn’t be touched or phased by anything woman did or said. I ended up making out with one chick, had a blast, and was more alive then I ever have been. Was incredible.

Also I learned cooking is important to know. I was forced to cook a meal for the guys and I hated it and didn’t know how to cook yet I was forced to learn and did it. These guys force you to face your worst fears and smash them!!

If you ever get to meet these alpha males, they will ruthlessly, yet compassionately force you to face your inner demons and build confidence. They will teach you the ways to success and if you can pass through the gates of the creepy zone of hell, the other side is a life most men only dream of.

The AZ workshop was fucking bad ass!! If I wouldn’t of gone, I would still be doing what I was doing. Thank God there are guys that give a fuck and care about me. They changed EVERYTHING!!

Everything in dating is about user experience. If you want to do well, you need to be considering what kind of experience you’re providing for the people you interact with, especially when you’re trying to show your personality to make a good first impression.

Most women have had countless dates with guys that start out the same way. “Hey, how’s it going? Did you have an okay time getting here? Yeah. Did you find parking okay? Yeah. Oh cool, so what do you do? How do you like it?” It’s the same experience. There’s nothing exciting about that at all.

On the other hand, when you tease and playfully pick on someone, you’re giving the uncertain outcomes. We sometimes refer to this as an “emotional rollercoaster.” Does he actually like me? What’s going to happen next? This is fun!

People are addicted to uncertain outcomes. That’s why Las Vegas is what it is. It’s a well-established principle in psychology that we’re hard-wired to seek out novelty, and this is the deeper reason that contrast makes life exciting. This is also the reason why operating at the extremes is better than staying in the middle and being vanilla. Have a personality. Have strong opinions. Do unexpected actions. Provide a changing emotional experience. Mix it up.

Why do people love gambling and the stock market? They love uncertain outcomes.

Why are “nice guys” not attractive to women? They don’t provide uncertain outcomes.

If a woman can size you up instantly, or if the conversation you provide is anything like that first date scenario previously discussed, sorry buddy, you’re boring. No one is attracted to boring. Dates should start out with a bang. Instead of boring, predictable conversation, do something unexpected.

For example, if a girl is 5 minutes early, you could say “Oh wow, you’re early. You’re kinda an eager beaver aren’t you…. Answer this question honestly, you probably started getting ready like three hours ago because you’re so excited about the date, huh? Don’t lie, no one likes a liar :)” It’s an outcome that no one expects to get at the beginning of a date, and that makes you exciting.

Deliver uncertain outcomes and people will be drawn to you. Just keep in mind that most of these outcomes should be favorable for the people experiencing them.

They matter more to girls who are young and inexperienced with dating. As women get older and look to settle down and have a family, they hardly matter at all.

The long answer:

[Begin Rant]

When most girls start dating, they target guys who they find good looking.

She may tell her friends that their high school crush, Johnny, is hot because he has a six pack, big blue eyes and great hair.

But she also omitted from her statement that he has great body language, swagger, ability to tell awesome stories, and great fashion.

Most girls bang between 25 to 75 “Johnnys” between the ages of 16 and 27 who treat her like shit, make fun of her, hit her up at 1am for bootie calls, and generally do all the things in opposition of society tells men to do.

I was never a Johnny.

I grew up with a loving mother who told me to a gentleman, level headed and do nice things for women.

My father lead by example by providing for our family, coaching my soccer teams, helping me become a straight A student, and everything else an awesome dad should do. But he told me hardly anything about what it takes to get a girl.

I had an amazing childhood, but it did not prepare me for banging hot chicks.

I followed my mom’s advice and became a typical “nice guy,” sexless and frustrated.

[End Rant]

The confusion with the “Do you looks matter” conversation is that guys actually listen to the nonsense that a lot of young chicks spew about attraction.

When a girl says a dude is hot, she’s not necessarily talking about his looks, it’s the whole package.

The more a dude look and behave like Dan Bilzerian, the more pussy he’ll get.

When a dude says a chick is hot, he’s most definitely talking about her looks and sex appeal.

The more a chick can look and behave like Kim Kardashian, the more cock she’ll get.

It’s a little easier for girls, because their hotness is based more on things that are out of their control.

As girls get older, they start to value other qualities in a man more than his looks. After fucking 50 “Johnnys” they finally want to date a nice, sweet guy that can provide for them and build a family together. In exchange, she might give him sex some of the time, when she doesn’t have a headache.

If you’re a “nice guy” I’d suggest developing Johnny’s skill set or at least understand that many Johnnys did many dirty things to your girl before you got your hands on her.

It wasn’t the same for our grandparents or parents, but this is the sad reality of modern day dating.

How many times have you seen a very attractive woman… I mean, like, super attractive…walking down the street, holding hands with a short, overweight and balding man?

It should no longer be a mystery what she sees in him.

The bottom line.

If you’re going for girls who are mature enough to see past the Johnnys of the world, looks can give you a slight boost in attracting her interest and attention, and that’s about it. They may get you a few one night stands with college chicks from Florida and Arizona, but forget any long term relationships without good social skills with high class and intelligent women.

After you start talking to a woman, she won’t care about how chiseled your face is or how big your biceps are. You suck at communication, that sexy model you were communicating with disappears.

Men Can Manipulate/Mold/Change Their Level of Attractiveness

Knowing women are mostly attracted to characteristics and qualities like leadership, confidence, humor, and other favorable traits, this is great news for us men! This means we can change our level of attractiveness to women by working on and improving these skills!

This is incredibly important to realized and implement constantly.

If attraction was based solely on looks, a lot of us would be screwed! Some of us wouldn’t have a chance at being with anybody.

Fortunately we have developed through the years as human beings with social skills. Our mental capacity to learn, evolve, adapt is influenced by whom we surround ourselves with and socialize with.

We have a way of increasing our level of social status through constant repetition. By being disciplined, we create functional habits that are socially increases through this routine over and over again.

Our commitments must be larger then our egos.

Our pride must be pushed aside at times to learn from others that have these social skills. Aka: this is were a coach, mentor or leader (Alpha Male) is in place to make this happen so we increase our social awareness at an accelerated rate than continuing to do things by ourselves and not be socially evolving.

We associate and hang around others whom are more experienced then those who are at our current primitive state of mind and communication to become socially adequate.

A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot 21-year-old sitting at one of the bar, and he sees a hot 31-year-old sitting at the other end. Does he use the same game on both chicks?

Answer: NO WAY!

Being good at gaming is about surveying the playing field and knowing who you’re dealing with. A 31-year-old is much harder to impress, but a 21-year-old will balk if you come on too strong. There are challenges and rewards with both.

The most put-together dudes will instantly assess the landscape and know how to approach each woman in a way that jives with her sensibilities. Essentially, he gets to choose which one he takes home because he’s mastered the subtle art of speaking to women of different stages of their lives.

The 21-Year-Old Wants to Have Fun

When women are in their early 20’s, they’re at a stage in life where they’re looking for fun. They’re still willing to date musicians, personal trainers and yoga teachers because they believe in “the dream.” They buy into the potential.

She doesn’t care if you know how to cook. She doesn’t care if you’ve held a steady job for the last 8 years. She doesn’t give a shit if you have a 401K.

She wants to have fun, feel hot and be a young know-it-all who’s got life all figured out. When you approach a chick in her early 20’s, keep it light, super entertaining and really fun. Keep her laughing.

Now, don’t get me wrong: all women want to have fun and be entertained. Only difference is a 21-year-old will make her decision based purely on how fun and entertaining you are. A 31-year-old is much more discerning and needs to see more before she’ll say ‘yes.’

The 31-Year-Old Wants to See Value

When I approach a 31-year-old at a bar, I do my best to demonstrate that I have value. If you’re reading this and wondering what your value is, it’s already too late. She is gonna see through your BS right away. She knows what’s up. She’s been in the workforce long enough to have dealt with professional adults, she’s probably making a decent living and she wants a man who can match her.

Of course she wants to laugh with you, but she needs to see your serious side as well. She will care that you’ve been in the same job for the last 8 years and she’ll be impressed that you have a 401K.

Most importantly: you can’t sell a 31-year-old on your potential. If you haven’t achieved your “dream” yet, she knows that you’re probably not going to. You can’t run “I’m gonna” game – she knows it’s bullshit.

Generally, 31-year-olds are more analytical and they’ve gotten to a point in their lives where they’re not willing to “just have fun.” They’ve got skin in the game and if you don’t live up, you’ll get knocked out in a few seconds.

Taking Things Further

When you get the differences between chicks in their 20’s and chicks in their 30’s, you’ll do things differently. A 31-year-old will care, notice and re-evaluate if your house is a mess. A 21-year-old probably has two roommates and scuzz in her sink: she doesn’t give a shit.

Understand the different priorities each age group has and you’ll be golden. Don’t fuck it up by making a rookie mistake like telling a 31-year-old you smoke pot every day.

The Lesson: Know who you’re dealing with. When you can tell the difference between a 21-year-old and a 31-year-old, you’ll be golden.

You know how many idiot duchebags, after just being served by a waitress at Hooters will hand the girl their business card and say “We should… We should go for coffee sometime.”

You wouldn’t believe how often this happens. If you talk to these girls and ask them about it; it’s crazy. It might happen to someone in that situation up to fifteen times a day.

What I’ve done for years and years at a super busy bar, when I’m trying to maneuver quickly, in the typical bar scenario,

So basically I will lean in, all serious, like it is a very serious conversation. And whatever the circumstances:

“Hey so, I’m curious. How many guys a day hit on you while you’re here?” And then I’ll wait a second and then I’ll speak, or if I can see she’s going to speak I’ll wait and I’ll interrupt her and go, “Not that I actually care, what I’m mostly interested in, is how do I separate myself from the other 400 idiots a day that hit on you? I am not an idiot, you need to hurry up and figure that out so we can live happily ever after. So how do I separate myself, give me a hint. Should I stand in best in the best way?”

Now have I had great success with this?

I dunno, it works a very small amount of times, but nonetheless, it works.

And then my other one, which I’ve had with huge success is building a little bit of a friendship and hanging out a few weeks or months down the road and getting her then. And I go out of my way to never give her a millimeter of love during that process, which is very important.

Guys underestimate the power of the long game. And when I say “long game” I mean, not trying to get it in that night or the next night.

If you’re cool, you hang out, you’re laid back and you make her comfortable, there’s a good chance you’re eventually going to sleep with her.

This concept is super important.

When I say not giving her any love, I don’t mean playing some dumb pickup artist routine or neg-ing her..

No, you talk to a chick the same way you would talk to me, “Hey, what’s up? What’s going on? Yeah, okay, that’s cool. Well, see you later.”

Just talk to her like a fucking buddy, like someone you have known for a long time. You do this ten times, you know, you have to remember to stick to, “yeah, you know i’m just going to hang out with her or whatever.” You find something you both have in common.

“You play baseball, I play baseball. Oh well we will be playing at Bobby’s house Monday, you should come by.” She comes and you hang out Wednesday and then she goes to the bar with you guys, whatever, it doesn’t matter, I’m just making up a silly example.

But still, nothing changes and a few times down the road, in my last like 99 out of 100 times, I end up hooking up with them and they’ll go “You just gave me no love and you just treated me, like I didn’t think you were into me and I didn’t understand and blah blah blah…”

Which leads me to number two with problems with the long game.

One issue, my buddy who we call “The Transporter” always has is that he is amazing at pulling girls the first night. The problem is that he would bang all of them and then he would be in a situation where he couldn’t hang out with them, which would kind of hurt his overall game with all the chicks he could get.

Right? Successful people leverage their resources. Do it with women.

Don’t try to sleep with every woman you meet, make friends. Make friends with four or five pretty good looking chicks and they’ll bring you out, and even if you’re a raging fucking dork, you know, there’s all those hot chicks other raging fucking dorks could be buddies with, and they’ll feed you chicks.

They’ll go pull chicks. I don’t know how many times in my life I have watched super hot chicks go and literally just walk over and grab girls for my dorky friends.

We’re at One Oak in Manhattan and this guy got the hottest chick he’s ever gotten in his life because I had a 9 from San Francisco that flew out to Manhattan, and she went and pulled this chick for him. This super hot girl at the club was convinced that this dude was this cool ass motherfucker because he was hanging out with this super hot girl that pulled her and a couple of other girls that we pulled to the table. Now he looks like “King Ding Dong” right?

So, definitely learn to master the skill of making friends with chicks and even if you can’t make friends with super hot chicks, make friends with some 6’s and that will lead to making friends with 7’s and 8’s.

Once you get to a point, you have a lot of girl friends that are inviting you out every night.

I see a lot of guys struggling with how to convert a great opening conversation with a girl into a longer interaction and finally into an invitation to come back home. An invitation that isn’t instantly rejected, that is.

Knowing how to bring girls back to your place for sex consistently is an art and a science. There are several skills and tactics involved that you should start practicing right away.

Give Her a Reason

First you need to know that most girls are very concerned about being perceived as slutty. Unfortunately societal pressure tells them that sleeping with a guy on the first few dates is “bad,” “trashy” or just straight up makes them a tramp.

But know this: if your date is going well, chances are, she wants to sleep with you. So your job is to give her a reason other than sex for her to come back to your place.

When I was 17, my photo was printed in a golf book written by Tiger Woods’ golf coach. I still have that book at my apartment. After I’ve had a few drinks with a girl on a date, I’ll say, “Hey, you have to come back to my place. I want to show you this book I was in.”

She always says yes.

I know we’re gonna have sex. She knows that we’re gonna have sex. But obviously, if I had said, “Hey, want to come back to my place and fuck?” she would have said no. She has to if she wants to preserve her status as a non-slut.

It doesn’t matter what the invitation is. You could say, “Hey, come over to see my new shirt/ancient weapon collection/the new Nordstrom catalogue” and if she likes you, she’ll say yes.

Leading is Everything

I talk a lot about being able to lead a girl on a date. This basically means that you’re the one in charge, you choose where you’ll go, when you’ll go and how you’ll go. Don’t ask her “if it’s okay.” Girls actually like it when a dude takes over and leads the date (in fact, if you can’t lead, the date will end pretty quickly).

A buddy of mine never asks girls if they want to go back. He waits until she’s feeling good, maybe she’s had a couple drinks and they’re laughing a lot, and then he just starts guiding her back in the direction of his apartment (if they’re close enough to walk) or he leads her to a cabstand so they can catch a ride back.

This works really well in cities like New York or Hollywood, but it’s a little trickier if you’re in Vegas and you want to take a girl back to your hotel room. Generally, don’t ask permission, just start guiding her back to your place and if she likes you she’ll go along with it.

Point Out the Absurdity

Occasionally a girl will be like, “Oh, we’re at your house…” as a way of testing you. There might be a millimeter of resistance. If that happens, I say, “Hey, don’t make me feel like a creeper because I want to keep hanging out. Do you want to keep having fun or do you want to sit on the street and flip a coin?”

Or if she says “Where are we going?” I’ll respond with “Back to my place, I promise to be at least an 86% gentleman.”

If a girl has made it this far with you, she wants to keep hanging out. Point out how absurd it is that she’s actually pretending she doesn’t want to fool around. She’ll laugh, and you take her inside.

The Lesson: A girl won’t sleep with you if she feels like a whore. Give her an excuse to come home with you so she can go along with it and you can both have a great time.

I was a bottle service cocktail waitress at a popular nightclub in San Francisco for 6 years.

I’ve been around the block

There are typically a few types of guys you will run into that buy tables. Once you have a better perspective of what everyone else is doing, it’s easier to understand where you fit in and whether or not you’re the type of person who would enjoy bottle service or if it makes more sense to meet women somewhere else.

The 4 primary types of dudes who you’ll see getting tables in the clubs these days

When you understand the four different types of guys that girls typically deal with when at tables, you can position yourself accordingly and understand the dynamics happening around you.

If it’s not a situation that you’re accustomed to, it can be pretty confusing and can take a long time and a lot of money to figure out. I got you covered!

1. The expense account guy (aka the guy who isn’t paying for it with his own money)

The expense account guy is the guy who gets tables, but it’s totally obvious that he’s not the one who’s actually paying for it.

Whether it’s his parents money, or his bosses…this guy usually comes paired with super drunk, belligerent friends who are rude to the waitstaff and generally all over the place.

They don’t seem to appreciate what they have in terms of service, and with their group the bottle rats are abundant, and even their bottle rats come with an attitude!

They don’t HAVE to be assholes, but they typically are. I’m not sure why, but theres something about people who are spending other people’s money that makes them less appreciative for the experience as a whole, and this comes through in their behavior.

They are often combative, very very drunk, and not put together. Turn off! They are known to tip badly, as well. I don’t think I have to delve into why this type of person is annoying and not respectable.

2. The rookies

Bless their hearts, they are trying to be cool.

They are new at this, and don’t really understand how to navigate around a club.

They are usually very enthusiastic, have multiple questions, and at least one member of their group will get in a fight with someone by the end of the night or get kicked out of the club for being too sloppy.

They are the no-chill group.

Once in a blue moon you’ll come across a rookie who thinks hes too cool for school because he’s spending “tons of money”. But for the most part, these guys just look silly and try-hard.

3. The regulars

The regular are the guy or group of guys who come in all the time, know the staff, bring a solid crew with them and generally know what they’re doing. SWOON.

Many of my regulars went on to become my good friends (or hookups, lol) even after I stopped doing bottle service.

They’re good guys to know because, they know and understand social protocol and are respectful people.

They tend to have a swagger to them.

They’ve made an effort over the years to actually be my friend and not treat me like I’m beneath them.

My regulars are people that I’ve learned a lot from. They typically have dynamic, lucrative and interesting jobs that allow them to spend money on bottle service on a regular basis.

They’re inspiring people who have served as mentors for me as well.

For whatever reason, people who get bottle service on a regular basis tend to generally be solid individuals that other people are going to be attracted to.

They may have not started out that way, but they’ve learned a lot from the time they’ve spent out in social situations and at nightclubs, and it comes through in the way they dress, speak and act.

As someone who is looking from the outside in, it has been interesting to be that person who is in a position to watch the change in them over the years, to see them go from a shy, dorky guy to a baller who runs the scene, becoming a guy I want to hook up with.

It is inspiring to watch! Now, it’s the people who don’t change, and continue to be out in the clubs spending/wasting money on bottles every weekend that make me wonder what it is they’re doing and why. And believe me, there ARE a lot of people who take this route!

Not every regular goes on to be a legend, but most are guys who I would put in the “A” category.

Another point I want to make is, people who get bottle service on a regular basis typically don’t do it for entertainment purposes only. That is how it begins, but as time goes on it stops being so much about fun and becomes more of a second job to them.

They are making sure the money they spend on bottles goes further than just down their throats, and it becomes a legitimate networking tactic that actually progresses or advances their lives in one way or another.

Usually, these people also become great friends with the owners of the club and will get hooked up with tons of friends and family discounts, and they become part of the club family as well.

We will go out of our way to look out for them, have their backs and truly regard them as VIP’s.

4. The Promoters

The promoter doesn’t always have to be a douchebag, but hey…there’s a reason the stereotype exists.

Now the disclaimer: there is always the exception to the rule (blah blah blah), and I know a couple promoters that I absolutely love to serve.

Guys that I consider friends, and guys who are considerate individuals that don’t make you feel like your presence is getting in the way of their paycheck.

That being said, most promoters are simply just a pain in the ass and sleazy to boot. Their behavior oozes “I don’t give a fuck about you”. There’s something about the promoter vibe that not only makes me want to NOT go out of my way for them like I would any other client…I actually have found myself wanting to sabotage them in some way, lol!!

They’re pompous and expect so much at the same time. High maintnence with attitude. Bad tippers. They often act like God’s Gift, which annoys the entire staff.

The promoter behavior and attitude make it SO abundantly clear that he’s just here for the money, and it takes away the enthusiasm I have as a server. Often times too, they don’t even tip – the club tips us on their behalf!

When you make your intentions super clear to someone, it takes away some of your power. If I know exactly what it is that you want, there’s no need to play any more games and the relationship becomes VERY cut and dry all of a sudden. I stop being as polite, and more jaded. Their presence begins to irritate me and I don’t feel the need to give them as good of service, as bad as that sounds.

So, I guess the lesson here is, don’t ever make your intentions too clear, and treat people with respect even if you don’t think they can offer you something at that moment. Take the extra time to make people feel appreciated, and they really will bend over backwards for you.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all promoters are like this. The ones that really know what they’re doing have every staff member of the club in love with them and swinging from their nutsack! – lol.

They can do their job and create great relationships at the same time…it’s totally possible!

It can be easy to get an ego, it’s on you to keep it in check, even if you are bringing something to the table. Don’t make people loath you – it’s that simple.

All that being said – there’s all kinds of people who get tables for bottle service and not everyone is going to fit into these 4 categories. I mainly wanted to provide you a little chuckle from my personal experience serving these types of people.

My top tips to an enjoyable bottle service experience

You don’t have to get bottle service regularly but I would suggest to get it maybe once every other month.

When you do get a table, go back to the same clubs and people who worked with you the last time.

They will remember you, and forming relationships in this industry is KEY to a successful night.

It really can make all the difference in your entire experience. Save their numbers, give them a heads up when you’re coming in, tip well.

Be thoughtful about who you are inviting along to your table.

If you have a buddy who you love but is very loud and obnoxious, are you going to want your friends at your favorite club to associate you with this kind of a person?Maybe skip inviting him to this kind of an event and go grab beers with him tomorrow afternoon instead.

Remember, people will judge you based on your friends and their behavior. It might not be fair but its true!

Do NOT get champagne, no matter how much peer pressure you’re getting!

Unless someone else wants to throw down on bottles of Rose, do NOT succumb to the Champagne hype.

Champagne looks fancy and the girls do love it, but unless you’re truly balling and are ok with spending $$$$ on enough champagne for everyone to really get wasted off of, it’s a waste of money!

Theres’s only 5 glasses of champagne in a bottle and it goes fast. And if you spray champagne, I will punch you.

Tip well. Yes, it sounds obvious.

But, if you tip the right people well – this can mean free entry fro you and your group the next time you stop by the club and don’t feel like getting a table.

Or it can mean an amazing table location versus a broke dick one. An extra $50 here and there really does go far, and I’d suggest tipping your VIP Host, server or the manager of the club only.

Only tip a doorman on a situational basis only. I.E. if you’re trying to get a big group in, tip the doorman that one time but not every time.

Keep your eye on the clock and don’t be the last group straggling out of the club, trying to get every last drop of alcohol down your throat.

If you have good relationships sometimes they’ll even put your booze in a water bottle to go for you.

Show up at the right time.

Showing up late (often past 11:30pm if the club closes at 2am) will result in getting unfavorable table locations, waiting in lines, etc.And after 11:30 the door tends to be very hectic, so your arrival during that hectic time is going to stress out your host.

If you do this regularly, you will be associated with this stressful feeling and it will come through in the way they treat/feel about you.

In NY, Paris, Belgrade and other party spots where clubs go much later, just use the 2 hour rule.

You don’t want to show up within 2 hours of closing time if you want to take full advantage of your investment in bottle service.

Either bring girls, or pull girls to your table.

This should be an obvious one.

Utilize the money you are spending by either using it to get chicks, or using chicks to make new relationships with other dudes you want to know.

Either way, girls are needed for this and girls tend to be bottle rats so its not too difficult to achieve

Invite the staff to your after-party.

This is a great way to not only fuck hot bottle service girls but create and strengthen relationships as well.

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I’m a smart, funny, and cool dude, but when I get around really hot chicks, its like my mind goes blank and my IQ drops 50 points. I can’t think of anything to say … Read More

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