Amongst flotsam and jetsam washing up on the shores of Morrison Bay is a new team - the Drummoyned Rats who, according to the Round 8 ladder are either as bad as us or as short of playing staff - this would be a closely fought match. Despite the best efforts of last week’s Morrison Bay Trollop to have the game cancelled or moved it went ahead as scheduled at North Ryde Oval. Salim Mehajer’s influence is limited this far north of the harbour apparently.

As has been the norm this year the selectors were having trouble finding a side and as late as Thursday afternoon the word ‘forfeit’ had been bandied about. With none of the opening bowlers available, Cilla pulling out late (unusual for him), and selectors working the phones hard offering inducements we got together enough players. At one stage it looked like a 5-man spin attack would get the nod, but V spent enough quality time with his family on Saturday morning to gain permission for a cameo appearance early in the game. Young Jeffrey again chose the Gypsies over the skate park, Gilly was a late inclusion and so if stand in captain Matt could win the toss and have us field first V could bowl. Of course, Matt lost the must win toss - but The Rats elected to bat.

V and Saviour opened. Saviour was heard to mutter under his breath as he was called on to open “we are in trouble when I’m opening the bowling”. V with a maiden 1st up and Saviour taking a wicket with his 4th ball we are right in this fight. In the 11th over it was 4 for 56 and The Rats danger man and captain comes to the crease to a generous round of applause from the Gypsies.

With the captain still on nought V manages to induce a leading edge and the ball flies high to mid-wicket. The crowd jump to their feet, with the captain gone a certain victory to the Gypsies, and then they see the player under the ball, Kimba – 34 games, 5 drops and no catches. The crowd fall silent and retake their seats, V swears and starts to walk back to the top of his mark. Kimba hunts the ball, goes in, goes out, goes left, goes right putting on a performance resembling a kelpie herding recalcitrant sheep rather than a competent fielder. The ball drops, Kimba lunges at the ball closes his eyes and it hits his hands…. and sticks. 5 for 56, the danger man gone. Never a doubt.

Then came the battle of the ages, Jeffrey (13yrs 7 days) from one end and Hollywood (67yrs) from the other. On averages they could play in the over 40s competition. On this day youth wins out with Jeffrey taking 1 wicket and Hollywood failing to claim a scalp. The big fella who is taking to us hits one out to the fence with V running around the boundary to cut it off and the batsmen go for a 2nd. V pounces on the ball and whips it in putting pressure on the batsman, the batsman is under pressure but is going to make his ground and then SNAP! This is the sound of the batsman’s hamstring letting go. He falls over the line safe but has to be helped from the field. V showing all the sympathy a Gypsy can muster and says “I’m claiming that as a wicket”. Drinks were taken early at 5 for 86. V left the game, leaving us one short in the field, and wasn’t there to see the return of the busted hamstring who stood and delivered just living on boundaries and putting together a partnership of 53 and finishing the day on 45.

Jeffrey caused havoc in the field returning balls from the boundary right over the stumps which left Bobo in a state of confusion as he’d never had to keep to fielding like that before. On 2 occasions Jeffrey hit the stumps and knocked them out of the ground from the square leg boundary (he was fined for kit abuse)

The Rats put on a credible 188.

So having got out of the bowling phase with perhaps a surprisingly gettable target on the small sward that is North Ryde Oval, the skipper cast about for volunteers to don the pads: Varinder wasn’t even here anymore, Hugh’s prior night’s fluid symposium had him seeing three balls and aiming for the middle one, 2 blokes had never batted before while Tony & Kimba were locked in a death-match for the Ferret Award or the Duck Tie. Thus he had no choice but to choose himself and his trusty side-kick Bobo.

No sooner had the scorers settled in for the collapse when it suddenly failed to materialise. 10, 20, 30, then 40 runs were scored with no wickets down. When the 50 came up without loss some of the Gypsies on the sideline could see their drinking time being eaten into as we chased the total. The Rats’ hamstrings started to ping as the highest opening partnership of the year was posted. At drinks, with the score at 0/121 there was a hushed silence as the threat of a fine for witchcraft hung heavily in the air. A season that prior to this was spiralling into part-time mediocrity after last week’s defeat by the Homeless now came alive as the Rodents’ attack wilted. Even a couple of lofted 9-irons from Bobo went safely into the outfield.

130, 140, 150 for 0 and it was time for text messages to absent Gypsies & record books to be scanned. Could the hallowed record of Junior & the cucumber merchant Jacko be in danger after all these years? Is the Judgement Bar even still open for business and can you get in with whites?

160, 170, 180 without loss now. The only thing that could save the Rats was the weather. When a misty rain wafted across the ground the Rats suddenly remembered Rats can’t swim and offered the light to the umpire, the batsman and even the trollop from last week – to no avail.

There is nothing more Alpha in the world of cricket than a thumping 10 wicket win. That far-away look in the defeated opposition’s eyes is priceless, and having 9 (or in our case 8) - fresh, un-batted team mates to shake the opposition’s 11 dusty, boundary-chasing hands says “thanks Champ” with no possibility of a comeback. At 0/189 the GerBo-mance delivered that most emphatic of victories and it was left to your scribe, Facebook, a 13 year-old playing just his 3rd senior game and the good Burghers of North Ryde who heard the Gypsy song reverberate across the park to recall the day the Gypsies won by 10 wickets.

Records broken on the day (in order of incredibility)

• Kimba holds a catch

• 1st time a Gypsy who bought the beers doesn’t stick around for drinks (fined for Pub Avoidance)