Thursday, 27 May 2010

So yesterday was my last day at work, and it turned out just how I wanted it to be. Simple, nothing out of the ordinary, and not sad.

I can get reallyyyy sentimental at times, and I just didn't want that to happen..even though I felt really sad leaving.

After work, my colleagues arranged a farewell dinner for me, and we went over to Puchong for some dim sum. It was just so wonderful to be able to hear their laughter for the last time, and laugh along with them.

At previous dinners, I didn't dare make a sound, because I always felt that I need to respect the seniors(managers and assistant managers). I know it's silly, because opening my mouth to join in the conversation would surely come across better than sitting there just smiling like I'm nuts.

But tell that to the introvert in me. I'm still shy by nature, and its time like these, when I don't NEED to speak up, that this character of mine surfaces.

Today, I slept in till 9am..and woke up to a bright complexion - I love it when I don't wake up to a zombie looking at me in the mirror. =)

Then I washed my clothes, and got ready to go to Sunway Pyramid to enjoy my first day off work!

I really wanted to watch Letters to Juliet, so I got myself a ticket, then went to Wong Kok Restaurant to have lunch(didn't like the waiter - he looked at me like I'm a freak just because I was eating alone..) and then went to the cinema.

The movie was AMAZING. I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed it!

It started with the song by Colbie Caillat - You Got Me, and I knew right then that it was gonna be good.

It was funny and romantic, and the scenery in the movie was sooo beautiful!!

The plot is just so unique, and so touching..

Writing a letter to Juliet, 50 years pass, and receiving a reply..how amazing it must feel to get that letter in the post.

Most of the movie was filmed in Verona, Italy.

I've always loved Italy .. and I wished so much that I could go visit again...

And it wasn't just the scenery either..I really loved looking at the lovely dresses and outfits they had for Sophie(Amanda Seyfreid)..

Its really refreshing to know that there is still true love in the world, after seeing all the things we see in this day and age.

And to know that true love always passes the test of time...is wondeful. That even if you don't end up with that person, he/she will still always be your true love..and no one can take that from the both of you.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Some time ago, I said that I have a secret. I had to tell the people closest to me before I felt I could announce it to more people..hence the wait.

I will be going to Kuta, Bali to volunteer at an orphanage for 3 months. I quit my current job, and will look for another one when I come back from Bali. Typing these facts in 2 sentences took almost no effort and less than 10 seconds. But actually making these statements into facts was a huge step of faith and courage for me.

It definitely was no easy task trying to step out of my comfort zone. I had wanted to become a volunteer in another country since I was in university, but of course it wasn't possible at the time because I couldn't possibly skip lectures for a few months at a time. And so this ambition remained a dream. After university, like any normal graduate, I looked for jobs. Having found a job, I accepted the offer, and life went on as normal. This is what you call a normal graduate's life. This ambition of mine didn't occur to me until I went to Bali in April.

When I was there, I saw a difference between the Balinese and us, Malaysians. I have to be honest - I was expecting it to be a lot like home, speaking languages which were similar and such. But what I saw was the happiness the Balinese had. The simplicity of life mixed with a truly rich culture. They were friendly, religious, simple, and happy. I was mesmerized by them. And the last few days I was there, I realised that I would very much like to stay. If I could have my way, I think I might have just tried finding a job there and settled down there right there and then. But of course, I still had to come back to reality.

So I came back to Malaysia with a heavy heart. I wanted so badly to go back, and I didn't want to just go back as a tourist. I knew I wanted something more meaningful. I wanted to spend more time there than just a week, sightseeing. I wanted to get to know the people. To see if what I saw the first time as a tourist was just a portrait on the surface, or if the Balinese truly knew what its like to be happy. Something which sounds simple enough, but how many of us in the world today actually know what it is about?

I can't even actually remember what made me remember this little ambition of mine. It just came back to me very very suddenly, and the little gears in my mind started turning. Slowly at first, then rapidly increasing speed..turning turning turning...until I thought to myself "What's stopping me?".

I had already planned to look for another job some time soon. I didn't feel this was the right job for me, but this isn't the point. I felt that this was the perfect timing for me to go be a volunteer, just by lengthening the gap between my jobs by 3 months.

It seemed simple enough to me, and I felt that I could do it. But there was the very daunting task of telling my mom about it. I knew this wouldn't come off as good news to her, but I had to have her support. When I decide to do something, I give my all to accomplish it. I knew that I wanted to do it, and I felt I was independent enough to go ahead with it, but I was nervous...I was scared! I know I've been away from home for 3 years, studying abroad. But this is a totally different league altogether! No one I know has even done anything like this. No one I know has ever done something so out of the ordinary! I just knew I had to have my mom's support to be able to go through with it.

My mom's responese was as I expected - bad. It was really really really bad. I couldn't make her understand why this was so important to me, and why I wanted to do it now. She kept trying to talk me out of it, and was very angry at me for risking my career to go off and do this. She felt that I was being very irresponsible about this. But I knew for certain in my heart that what she was saying was not true. I had everything planned out in my head, and though she's my mom and I know I had to respect her, I still felt that it was the right decision, and I had to just summon my guts to book the tickets to prove to her that I was serious about it. So one day, I did it. I booked the tickets, and that afternoon itself I handed in my letter of resignation. That night, I told my mom about it. That was the day I did 3 very brave things.

So it was settled - I was going to fly to Bali on the 31st of May and returning on the 2nd of September. The tickets were paid for, and that sealed the deal. All that was left to do was preparations to go.

Thankfully my mom has now come to accept my reasons for going.

Now, I've gotten my police clearance, I applied for my visa today, and its less than 2 weeks before I go over. Part of me still can't believe that I actually did all those things. That I had the guts to do those things and tell people about it. Being afraid of people's judgement of me for all my life, this was the one time I've ever felt so afraid that they were going to label me a 'freak'. I'm serious. I knew this is not 'ordinary', and so I expected many people to tell me that I was being rash and not thinking things through before making such a big decision. But I've always been a quick decision-maker, and I was 100% certain that this was what I wanted to do - so I had to have the guts to tell people about it. And truly surprisingly, the responses have been wonderful. It has been more than wonderful. With each positive response, I felt more and more certain that I am not a freak, and that I didn't make a wrong decision. I can't express how grateful I am to all my friends who have been so supportive and so understanding. Who encouraged me when I was doubtful, and who gave me the confidence I truly needed.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

I do realise that I haven't written about Day 4 or Day 5 of my trip to Bali, and at this point, most of you are probably already thinking "What trip to Bali? Ohhhh...THAT trip to Bali, the one which was more than a month ago!". Yes. I am a procrastinator. Please bear with me. I'm hoping to get that up by tomorrow night. No promises. Haha.

Yay, I'm going for Bak Kut Teh tomorrow morning!!
Ooooh so much to look forward to in life, don't you think? =)

Thursday, 13 May 2010

I don't like him because of his looks, and sometimes I have to admit that his songs are too typical and I don't like all of them just because they were written by him.

What I like about him is his attitude.

His family situation is very similar to mine. He loves his mom and grandma a lot, and is not shy to show it.

He is famous, but I never felt that he is boastful or pompous.

Sometimes when I listen to his songs, I have a very special feeling which I find very difficult to explain, but I'll try.

I especially love those which have a classic Chinese feel to them, sort of reminds me of songs which you would hear from China during my grandparents' time.

For example, 東風破(Dong Feng Po) and 发如雪(Fa Ru Xue).

The instruments he use are also quite unique at times, using traditional Chinese instruments which not many people know how to play anymore.

These songs make me feel some sort of a connection with Jay Chou, other than the fact that we come from quite similar backgrounds. Another fact about me that not many people might know is that I love traditional Chinese culture. I've always had a feeling of wanting to go back to the 1920's in China, especially Shanghai, to an era where the Chinese were starting to be influenced by Westerners in terms of fashion and entertainment, amongst other things.

When I listen to these songs, I almost feel like I'm transported back to these times. And I feel like Jay Chou and I are alike in this way as well, that we are in the modern world, but we love looking back to the past. We admire the rich culture of the Chinese, and I feel like I'm very close to Jay Chou when I listen to these unconventional songs of his. Almost like we are siblings. Haha I know its silly. But oh well, that's the best I can do to explain the feeling I get when I hear his songs.

He has a new album coming out, and a good friend sent me this Youtube link. I LOVE it. The song is called

伽藍雨

I feel like Jay is going back to his own style, the style which made me fall in love with his songs.

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Been quite busy for the past few weeks preparing to leave..(more about this another time)

Short update today:

1) A chat with a friend of mine which made my day - you know you're close friends when you have nicknames

2) 'Discovered' some really nice songs on the radio while driving all the way to Putrajaya alone. I haven't been listening to the radio for such a long time - always a CD playing in the car

3) One of the songs I heard was The Only Exception by Paramore.

The words to the song really hits a sensitive spot.

And unfortunately I can connect with the whole song except the chorus.

Everything else is exactly how I've felt for a long time, and am still feeling.
I am still afraid of the future, and a part of me is convinced that I will never have the family I dream of.

A really really good friend of mine was listening to my worries just a few days ago. And the words he said to me, though simple, were so touching that I couldn't stop my tears. Thank you. You really gave me hope. I will always remember those words you told me.

Here are the lyrics to the song.

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling, You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception