I was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago and sometimes (like now, when my OCD is flaring up) I feel so alone and frightened! I recently cut down my medication and I know now that was a mistake. I'm just trying to put my head down and wait for it to get better...in the meantime, if anyone wants to talk, I'd sure be glad to listen and find some company.

I have OCD on a not-so-grand scale. But it does affect me pretty badly. My OCD comes in the form of circular negative thinking and getting songs stuck in my head. I also check the internet constantly for symptoms. But prozac seems to be really helping. You should get back on those meds. Some of us need them to sustain a functioning life...and there is nothing wrong with that. You wouldn't want a diabetic to stop taking their insulin.

aaroncoal1 said...I have OCD on a not-so-grand scale. But it does affect me pretty badly. My OCD comes in the form of circular negative thinking and getting songs stuck in my head. I also check the internet constantly for symptoms. But prozac seems to be really helping. You should get back on those meds. Some of us need them to sustain a functioning life...and there is nothing wrong with that. You wouldn't want a diabetic to stop taking their insulin.

You're right...I hadn't really ever thought of it in that way. I am increasing my meds but as you know, I'm sure, unfortunately it doesn't happen overnight. I do have some of it in my system...I went from 150 mgs down to 25 mgs...not all at once but over the course of a month I guess...I guess I'm just one of those who needs a higher dose of meds. I will say that my doctor was very sweet when I called this morning. He was perfectly nice about upping my meds when I was insistent just a few weeks ago that I lower them (against his advice by the way) and he said "Don't panic...you'll get there." I'm just so mad at myself for letting myself get back to a place where I'm anxious and upset all the time. I was doing really well. I guess I thought I was stronger than the OCD. I'm not and you know what, I think there's nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for the response. Please keep it coming. Again, I need the company right now.

Exactly. I do bad on lower doses of meds. My body just doesn't balance chemicals like it should, niether does yours. It's no different than someone without a thyroid gland needs meds to regulate that. Ours just happens to be in our brains. The meds don't change your personality they simply allow more seratonin to flow.

I too get mad at myself when I have a panic attack. But it's not like I can always prevent it. You just take it in stride and try to learn from every episode. I had to tell my girlfriend that this is the way it is, and I can't always help it.

It's just the way we are. We fight it with all of our being. But we often need help from other sources. Can you imagine teliing a cancer patient to just fight it off without meds?

Hang in there. I know how it feels too. I have OCD and have had it for a very long time. My earliest recollection being in my teens. Mine involves organization, scheduling, planning, punctuality. But it also has an offshoot that really truly sucks, and that is skin-picking. I've been obsessed with my skin all my life. From childhood where I literally lived in fear of having a scab removed before something healed properly, leaving a scar- to teen years when I was terrified of acne. Funny how these things work, because I had none. I've been blessed with a wonderful natural complexion, and to date (I'm 30) I have still had no real problems- other than those I create myself. At my worst points over the years, I was spending 2-2 1/2 hours a NIGHT picking, checking, obsessing. I was leaving scars where there were not even blemishes, and CREATING a skin problem in various areas all over my body. It really truly sucked. It also contributed to my reluctance to leave the house, and eventually to my depression. In therapy, I've been told that OCD is a relative of Anxiety Disorder- that it (and other select disorders) are a part of AD. Until I understood that, I was starting to think I must truly be crazy! I mean OCD, Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Depression- all four? I understand now, that the agoraphobia is the anxiety disorder out of control. The depression is chemical in nature (in the brain) but can be (and is for me) worsened by the anxiety, and the OCD. It is all a part of the big picture.

Rather than get stuck on the diagnosis' and terms, so my therapist tells me, we have to focus on feeling better, and moving forward with our lives. If this requires medication, therapy, then we do what we need to do. I agree 100% with Aaron. We don't stop for a second to question medicating other medical conditions, we have to treat this one the same way. I have done what you did in the past too though. Weaned myself off Zoloft years ago, took a tumble. Tried it again cold-turkey once because I literally couldn' afford the prescription & had no insurance. That rock-bottom was 10 times worse. Now I listen to the docs, they are the experts, and I find my life is better for it. I know it's hard right now, for sure, but hang in there. You are not alone :)"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt

It was so nice to come in this morning and read the messages of support! I really needed to read them. My mom is great and a great support and my friends let me talk to them abou it but I think my poor Mom is just about as worn out of dealing with my ups and downs as I am but she's all the family I have left! My dad passed away 7 years ago and I was diagnosed with OCD at that time. He was a wonderful person but I don't know that he would be as understanding as my mom...but mom's are like that, aren't they?

I was walking out of work yesterday and it was kind of a nice afternoon and I suddenly missed the feeling of being "myself" from when I was on 150 mgs. I really had come a long way and now here I am again with that same feeling of being afraid and anxious all the time-admittedly much less than in the past but still it makes me so mad at myself that I did this to myself. I was trying to do it for a good reason. I've gained so much weight on Zoloft that I'm the heaviest I've ever been and I was beginning to worry about my health so that's why I thought I had to get down to the lowest dose I could to get some weight off. It wasn't vanity...well, maybe some of it was...but most of it was for my health and my self esteem but I'll tell you, I'd rather weigh more than I'm supposed to and be back in that place than feel like this...just trying to get through a minute at a time.

And now I have a new worry...what if the Zoloft doesn't work this time around? I was still on some Zoloft (25 mgs) but what if I've screwed around with the dosage so much that my body becomes resistant to it? I know it's just panic talking and I'm not the most patient person in the world...I want to feel like myself RIGHT NOW and I know I have to wait for the levels to build back up.

It's hard to explain to people who've never had to deal with something like this that you can't just make it go away and because it's the chemicals in your brain...there's really no "safe" place to go...I mean, your brain is always with you, right? LOL...

And it's so hard for me not to give in to the anxiety that OCD generates for me. Does that mean I'm a weak person? I don't think I am but when I'm in the middle of it, it's like it wrestles me to the ground and is just stronger than I am.

Anyway...thanks so much for your words of support and sharing your stories. It really does make me feel so much less alone and I really need that right now.

Yes I have OCD......I am a clean freak and everything has to be in its place ..I wash the floor everytime I go out and before I go to bed .........there CAN not be a dish left in sink not even a fork or knife........My housework is done as soon as I get up and bed made as soon as feet hit the floor lol..........there was a thread on this I will look for it and bump it up okay ......take care and God Bless.......Lyn

I understand so well snickersmom. There have been dark periods in my life where my obsessions seemed to be in "charge" and I felt like an utter slave to them. Proper medication makes SO much difference. I still have "flare ups" but now they are easily 1/4 what they once were. I went through a similar issue with Zoloft. I was on it for years, and at a steadily increased dosage. Up to 250 at the highest per day, and even then it stopped working for me pretty much, at the four year mark or so. It's different for everyone though. I did have the weight gain too though. I'm now on Wellbutrin XL, and it hasn't brought about weight LOSS (I'm working out and dieting to do that) but I DO feel tremendously better. My advice is to stick with what works as long AS it works. Talk to your doctor regularly too. My therapist explained to me once that resisting therapy and meds can actually be a part of anxiety disorder for a lot of people. It was for me also. I went through stages where I felt "I can do this alone" or "I'm cured" but I had to remind myself, how quickly I could backslide. As Aaron says, a diabetic can't just "will away" the need for insulin. I have to wonder then, if our occasional desire to stop taking our meds is not as the therapist said- another part of our disorder in reality.

Hang in there. I know it's hard, but I think it's fantastic that you have your mom to confide in! I really don't confide in anyone about my worst obsession. Most people find it so strange and unusual that they simply can't relate at all. That makes it difficult. I did once find a good support group online for it, but sadly it as almost all members from Europe and the only problem with that was time zones. I rarely found myself with a person around, they were all sleeping when I was awake and vice versa :) Wonderful folks though. If you can find a good support group for your OCD it might make a big difference for you! I'm just so used to a constantly active board that I tend to lose focus if it sits a long while without active posts."No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt

Lorieann75 said...I understand so well snickersmom. There have been dark periods in my life where my obsessions seemed to be in "charge" and I felt like an utter slave to them. Proper medication makes SO much difference. I still have "flare ups" but now they are easily 1/4 what they once were. I went through a similar issue with Zoloft. I was on it for years, and at a steadily increased dosage. Up to 250 at the highest per day, and even then it stopped working for me pretty much, at the four year mark or so. It's different for everyone though. I did have the weight gain too though. I'm now on Wellbutrin XL, and it hasn't brought about weight LOSS (I'm working out and dieting to do that) but I DO feel tremendously better. My advice is to stick with what works as long AS it works. Talk to your doctor regularly too. My therapist explained to me once that resisting therapy and meds can actually be a part of anxiety disorder for a lot of people. It was for me also. I went through stages where I felt "I can do this alone" or "I'm cured" but I had to remind myself, how quickly I could backslide. As Aaron says, a diabetic can't just "will away" the need for insulin. I have to wonder then, if our occasional desire to stop taking our meds is not as the therapist said- another part of our disorder in reality.

Hang in there. I know it's hard, but I think it's fantastic that you have your mom to confide in! I really don't confide in anyone about my worst obsession. Most people find it so strange and unusual that they simply can't relate at all. That makes it difficult. I did once find a good support group online for it, but sadly it as almost all members from Europe and the only problem with that was time zones. I rarely found myself with a person around, they were all sleeping when I was awake and vice versa :) Wonderful folks though. If you can find a good support group for your OCD it might make a big difference for you! I'm just so used to a constantly active board that I tend to lose focus if it sits a long while without active posts.

Lorieann...Thanks so much for your post. I guess I was going through a "I'm tough enough to do this alone now" thing and I realize that I'm not and I will be on Zoloft or something for the rest of my life. But that's okay because I think about people who've had OCD who didn't know what it was or before they discovered there was medication for it and oh, how they must have suffered. I feel really blessed that it is diagnosed now and there is treatment for it. I haven't been back to my therapist because she's not a specialist in OCD...there's not a specialist in my area...and we went about as far as we could go. Going back now is just one of my compulsions...asking for reassurance, having her tell me that it's not me...it's the OCD...stuff like that. I really have to do the cognitive behaviorial therapy on my own now I guess. Like I said, I was doing really well and I never should have lowered my meds. It's a hard lesson learned.

I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to or any kind of support. I talk to my mom about my obsessions but other than her and my therapist, I don't tell anyone either. They wouldn't understand...and how could they when even I don't understand them. But if you need someone to talk to, please contact me. You don't have to tell me your obsessions but maybe we could be a support system for each other and others.

I'm a member of the OCD Foundation and they used to have a pen pal service where you could e-mail others with your similar obsessions and/or compulsions but they don't have that anymore. Plus the people I was corresponding with started to get better just as I was diagnosed and I think they didn't want anything to derail their success which I completely understand. You should check out the OCD Foundation website though...it really helped me a lot when I was first diagnosed. I still go back there from time to time and see what they have. I'm also a member because I would love to find a real cure for this so other people don't have to live with it like we have. I've been living with this on and off since I was in junior high...which makes it well over 20 years. I can look back on those periods of my life and see it now. I didn't know what it was then and I sure couldn't talk about it then.

And everyone is right...If I were diabetic or had a heart condition, I certainly wouldn't stop taking my medication so why did I think I needed to stop for this? That just makes so much sense but I didn't see that when it happened.

Gosh, you guys really have helped me feel better. It's just nice to know you're not the only one that feels like this and that there are others out there that understand...Still, I look at my friends and I'm a little jealous that they are "normal" for lack of a better term...I know having OCD doesn't make you abnormal but it sure doesn't make life easy, does it?

Anyway...thanks again for the message. We should keep this going and maybe we'll get a regular support group going at a time that is normal for you.

Thanks for the information on the OCD Foundation! I didn't even know it existed. Several years ago when I was first properly diagnosed (like many, that didn't happen until I'd already dealt with it alone for many yrs.) I remember searching the web and I just didn't find much info back then at all. I'm sure now there is more information available, and thank goodness for that. My fiance is such a wonderful listener has been on this journey with me now for years, but even he can't "completely understand" because as you say, our obsessions are not always "rational" and mine not at all- so I guess they can only "relate" so far. That's where I can feel isolated sometimes. But you know, it's wierd- because the one time I did have a group of people I spoke to who had the same obsession as mine? We tended to "trigger" one another by discussing our obsession. LOL Talk about a catch-22 :) So maybe it's best to support others with different types of OCD? I'm not sure, but support is always welcome!"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt

Lorieann75 said...Thanks for the information on the OCD Foundation! I didn't even know it existed. Several years ago when I was first properly diagnosed (like many, that didn't happen until I'd already dealt with it alone for many yrs.) I remember searching the web and I just didn't find much info back then at all. I'm sure now there is more information available, and thank goodness for that. My fiance is such a wonderful listener has been on this journey with me now for years, but even he can't "completely understand" because as you say, our obsessions are not always "rational" and mine not at all- so I guess they can only "relate" so far. That's where I can feel isolated sometimes. But you know, it's wierd- because the one time I did have a group of people I spoke to who had the same obsession as mine? We tended to "trigger" one another by discussing our obsession. LOL Talk about a catch-22 :) So maybe it's best to support others with different types of OCD? I'm not sure, but support is always welcome!

I sometimes feel like I might "catch" someone else's obsessions...LOL...but I think that's all part of it. I do agree that it is probably easier to support someone who has differest obessions than your own or to just have a general support group where obsessions are not really discussed in detail but rather we help each deal with the reality of being an OCD sufferer. I know I feel uncomfortable talking to anyone about my exact obsessions except for my mom and my therapist and psychiatrist.

I'm doing a little better today but I hate feeling guilty and anxious when I first wake up in the morning. Internally I'm panicking all day right now but I know it will get better. I think the increase in the dosage is helping already but I still have a bit to go to get back to where I was.

I'm on about the third day of increased Zoloft. I'm feeling a little better...can't wait to make the switch to 75 mgs and get back to where I was. Thanks to everyone who responded to my post. I would like to keep this thread going if any is interested...

I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better! It is tough talking about obsessions. Just today I had a funny moment, when my Psychiatrist said she disagrees with my Therapist on whether or not neurotic excoriation (skin-picking) is a form of OCD or just an offshoot of AD. I had to laugh, because my very first Psychiatrist said the same thing, until I showed him an article on OCD, and on Trichotylomania (sic) Both disorders are so rarely discussed and presented "formally" in the mental health field (often they are under-reported, misdiagnosed, or hidden by patients out of shame) that most doctors don't even know what they are, and if they do, they classify them in different ways. I told her, you know, if the two of you can't agree on whats wrong, I don't know how you plan to "fix" it! haha It was all light-hearted, but it reminded me too, that we're all in charge first and foremost, of our OWN health. When we feel off, wrong, bad, down, or like we are backsliding, we must take the responsbility to tell someone, especially our doctors, so that help can be had. If we don't, and if we try to go it alone, "rough it" or just ignore it- we're almost asking for trouble. In my experience, one of the hardest things to do in my life, is ASK for HELP ;) Yet it's in doing so, that I have always found the light at the end of some very dark tunnels. I hope you are feeling great tonight!"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt

All my research on OCD has said that what you described is OCD. I am doing better. I increase to 75 mgs. on Thursday and hopefully that will bring me back to myself. I had to go out of town for work this weekend and it was kind of hard...last year it was a breeze. But I'm just trying to be patient and wait...at least it is getting better.

I was diagnosed with OCD 10 years ago in grade 9 and ever since I've wanted to study OCD to help other lost teens like I was. Now I'm doing a project in school and I am actually DESPERATE for help. I need a lot of people to fill out a survey for me but I only have one (myself- lol). PLEASE please please (I think I'm begging here), can you help me?

If you want to help, please click on the link below and I will be forever grateful!

I really, sincerely appreciate it.

Thanks!

Sarah

*** Sarah please contact Administrator at Healing Well to ask for permission to post this survey or have ppl do it okay

You take care

I am happy to do it as I am severe OCD as well but again we need the admins approval for clinical studies and surveys and I am sure things will work out

I too have OCD. Have had it before they called it OCD. Got the formal diagnosis in 1989.

I obsess about anxiety. I learned in therapy in the 70's my anxiety came from thoughts. Ever since then I obsess about "what are scary thoughts?" I call it my Rubick Cube puzzle. I mean how many ways can you find to ask such a silly question? I wonder if it's possible not to know what a scary thought is? Do I believe the phenomenon? Is it possible anxiety comes out of thin air? Why are some thoughts more intense than others? Do little twinges count as opposed to overwhelming anxiety? You get the picture.

We really must be very intelligent people to be OCD. My Docs have verified this.

Anyhow, Prozac helped me (90%) symptom free for 17 years before pooping out. I am now trying to find a replacement. Lexapro didn't cut it. Luvox seems to be helping, but it's early. Three weeks today. We OCD types usually require high doses of ADs.

OCD is an anxiety affliction. Thus you are not alone on this board. Not in the least.

I'm from the Ulcerative Colitis board. I wondered if anyone has looked into OCD and the Autoimmune connection. I had Obsessive symptoms prior to my DX with ulcerative colitis. They have since gone away. I do still have compulsive skin picking on my fingernails.

Granted, I never had "typical" OCD symptoms, like hand washing rituals or germ phobia, etc...however, I feel my symptoms were related and I feel they were most likely autoimmune, since I have UC, I feel like something crossed the blood-brain barrier and was causing the problem.

Here's a webpage that talks more about it. There have also been several studies about this.

I was going to post a thread like this a couple days ago, but you beat me to it!!

I was on the verge of believing i was crazy because i would have the scariest thoughts that i just couldn't get out of my head. when i read the book 'Brainlock', I was so relieved that people go through a number of strange things when dealing with OCD. I suffer everyday with it, and it's horrible. some days are way worse than others, and when i'm worrying about something to do with my health, i have to really try hard to remind myself that it's ocd, and that i'm worrying over nothing. that part is so hard to do, as your worries still stay in the back of your mind. i'm amazed at how many people responded!!!!! i'm always here to talk too!! i've been looking to talk to people about ocd, as it makes me feel so much better! take care and talk to you soon!

I was dx with anxiety and OCD about 7 months ago. I really didn't believe the OCD part, I thought the Neuro was nuts. Now after being on Zolft 100mgs, I realize OCD is a big part of my life, I have noticed so many things about myself that are obsessive, it's hard to believe. This board has taught me allot.

SnickersmomYou dont have to copy n paste other post into your post each time as we will read all the posts I am sure lol being OCD I know I do Just a suggestion and a time saver for you Take care all LYNContribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @

I too am suffering from OCD, I worry constantly, negative thoughts, very simlar to Aaroncoal1 and worrier247. I search websites constantly for an answer. I am at a point now where I cannot enjoy anything, these thoughts just take over . I was on Zoloft for 5 mos but stopped 1 month ago due to weight gain. So now I am without anything, and of course scared to death. The thoughts are there but have not taken total control of me. Is there something to take for this that won't cause weight gain. I have an appointment w/my doctor next week but I just like to know what works for others w/out awful side effects. (my doctor told me zoloft did not cause weight gain). By the way I gained 15 lbs in 5 mos and I haven't lost any yet, but I will keep posting my progress. I could not seem to find anyone online that said exactly how long it takes for their zoloft weight to come off so I thought I would. weight as of 03/30/2007 145lbs.

Doors12,I agree could it be an auto immune disease? Yes, I definitily think it could be I was recently diagnoised with lymes disease. I have problems with anxiety . My daughter who is 9 is on prozac for anxiety. I think she has Lyme disease as well. will get her tested at a Igenex lab.

I think alot of illnessess could be due to some kind of toxin or auto immune disease. Somehow we get unwanted bacteria in us humans and it literally goes to our brain.

But Lyme is a spyrokette similar to shipilus. It stays in your body for a long time and slowly does alot of damage to the nervous system.

I also agree I was DX with Crohns long after my OCD dx ........Glad to see this thread back active

I am not doing as bad as I was with the skin and doing things by 5 have been woring on it and also sharing many ideas with Porridge on another thread the " Porridge n Jaymay" thread .....Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @

I just cannot comprehend why this information isn't part of the public consciousness. Good luck finding a counselor or psychologist, psychiatrist that will explore an autoimmune connection, even if you make them aware of other strange physical complaints.

They will write you a script for an SSRI and tell you it's a Serotonin issue, or even worse, they will try to cure you with cognitive techniques. Not that there couldn't be an element of Neurotransmitter issues as well - I believe there is more Serotonin in the intestines than in the brain...Diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis 6/2006 at age 26 after sudden E.R. visit

~Affecting Transverse Colon

On Colazal 3x3/day; Folic Acid 1mg; Calcium/Magnesium/Zinc combo

In remission about 2-3 months after E.R. but not back to normal!

~Interested in finding a cure/making sense out of U.C. and philosophical and psychological aspects of UC and "Stress" and Personal Development issues with Chronic Illnesses.