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Posted by: Woodwards Friend on March 4, 2009 at 9:00 am

Let’s just drive DPS into the river and report it stolen
Emergency Financial Manager Robert “Bob” Bobb signed his contract to run the Detroit Public Schools. Then he announced the district has a $150,000,000 deficit. Hey, nice work guy. It was only $139,000,000 when unfit parent Reverend David Murray and friends ran things. Bobb thinks he’s so special just because he can read a balance sheet correctly. Well look here, elitist, we have ways of dealing with your kind…throwing grapes. We will throw lots and lots of grapes at Robert Bobb. That’ll learn him. (Freep)

Cobo Hall is like a giant migraine headache
Monica Conyers called several important Congresspersons to find out if she could get some sweet and tasty stimulus money for Cobo Hall. That is to say, she called her age inappropriate husband, the once respected John Conyers, and he told his wife whatever she wanted to hear. That’s what you do when you marry crazy. Meanwhile Dave Bing is still yammering on like an est facilitator. He blames Ken Cockrel’s poor “leadership” because Monica is crazy, Joann Watson is stubborn, and Martha Reeves, Alberta Tinsley-Talabi, and Barbara-Rose Collins are dumb. (Freep, more Freep)

Detroit fire houses are like hippie sororities
In the grand tradition of karma cockpunching Detroit, a fire house burned down. Yes a fire house. Where firemen live and fire trucks are usually parked. Apparently one of these “firefighters” (trained in the art and science of fire) placed a towel over a lamp to create some mood lighting. He then lit some incense and was ready to curl up in bed with a Herman Hesse paperback when the alarm ran. The towel caught on fire and the whole place burned down. Seriously. (DetNews)

Toward a post-employment economy
Something like 26,000 more people transitioned into post-employment last month. What exciting and historic times we live in! The problem is so many of you people are now post-employment that the folks and at the postunemployment office can’t keep up with the pace. Some of you people will have to get off the couch, shower, and perform “work” for government in order to help others make the transition. Typical socialist nonsense. (MLive, more MLive)

Rochelle Riley listens to Alanis Morrisette
Rochelle is mad as hell because she went down on AIG in a theatre or something and now they want more of our precious tax dollars. Wait, we’re giving money to crappy banks? When did that start? Oh, yeah six months ago. Let’s all get faux-empowered and not take it anymore. The late, great Paddy Chayefsky deserves better than to be filler in a dumb Rochelle Riley column but here we are. It’s not fair for AIG to deny Rochelle of the cross she bared, etc. etc. To the barricades! (Freep)

Dear Penthouse Forum, Grand Rapids never thought this would happen to them
Kent County Commissioner James Vaughn was nailing this one chick when his girlfriend showed up and was like: why should I be jealous when I can just join in? That’s our kind of girlfriend. Unfortunately the lady getting drilled in the bed was like: this is my man tonight, I ain’t sharing. A cat fight ensued which was probably way hot until the cops showed up. Now they’re explaining the whole thing in court. Anyone else think the judge isn’t wearing anything under his robe? (MLive)

In case you don’t get to it, Lessenberry’s column in 100 words or less
Newspapers are dying and that is very sad. Also Dick Tracy foretold the Stephen Grant murder or something. But that’s not what’s important. What’s really important is that Macomb Community College is having this big thing about the 1960’s which is the most important decade ever because that’s when the most important generation ever came of age. Richie Havens and the Smothers Brothers will tell you all about it. So listen up you little shits because things were important back then. (Metro Times)