After calling the 2010 Games in Vancouver the worst Olympics ever, The Guardian in Londonhas requested that a Vancouverite return the favour.

VANCOUVER — Among the many influential people overlooked by the London Games' opening ceremony: satirist George Orwell. (Although NBC and Twitter paid him appropriate homage Monday by suspending the account of Independent journalist Guy Adams for tweeting criticism of the network's dire coverage.)

But perhaps it's for the best that London avoided any reference to surveillance society. Their security situation has been yet another embarrassment during these appalling Olympics.

First there was the humiliation of private firm G4S only managing to rustle up 6,000 of the 10,000 security guards it was paid nearly half a billion to provide. (We'll just chalk that up to inflation.) Then we learned that authorities lost the keys to Wembley Stadium sometime last week, an admission of incompetence that serves to explain why they were never able to catch Benny Hill.

But it's okay. The police have assured that all the relevant locks have been changed (and the new keys have been put on a lanyard). Thus, there's no reason to worry about security — apart from, I would suggest, the fact that these bumbling bobbies are in charge of it.

It's a shame that the police couldn't lose the keys to Olympic Stadium instead, especially since it might have afforded the common citizen an opportunity to get in and see Thomas Heatherwick's beautiful cauldron in person. As it turns out, the only good-looking part of the Olympic Games is hidden away where only ticket-buyers and athletes can experience it live.

You'll recall that London was critical of Vancouver's decision to place the Olympic cauldron behind a chain-link fence. Clearly, this criticism stemmed from the fact that the fence wasn't opaque enough. Now they're showing us how it's done, hiding it inside a stadium.

Regarding the whiny, poor, spoiled tourists who think that a trip to London entitles them to see the Olympic cauldron, London Mayor Boris Johnson doesn't see what the problem is. "It's going to be visible to everybody who watches it on TV. It's there. I don't think it's a big deal,” he said. On that same note, why would anyone want to make love to a woman when you can just find a video of someone else doing it online?

One wonders if it's wise for London's mayor to suggest that the best Olympic view is on television while the city struggles to fill the stadium for marquee events. Perhaps you wouldn't have to slash prices on the good seats if you weren't telling people the best seat is on the sofa.

And don't even think about trying to help London sell tickets. Despite it being perfectly clear that they need some kind of intervention, they don't want it, a fact that Vancouver resident Kenneth Gabe found out when he was arrested for scalping tickets. For volunteering his services as a mobile ticket retailer, he spent the weekend in jail.

He was fortunate the police still knew where the keys were come Monday morning.

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