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Vulgar Opinions: Shane Doan’t

I want to preface this by saying that I think Shane Doan is a perfectly serviceable player and will probably be a great addition to whichever team he joins before he falls apart like someone hit Craig Rivet with a whiffle bat.

There are several reasons that I want to treat Doan like the class smelly kid, but first among them is that an excruciatingly boring free agency period had deified him into something that he has never been and can never hope to be. That is the only rational explanation I can find for someone offering him, at age 35, $7.5 million dollars for four freaking years. Seriously, who spliced genes from Glen Sather and Jay Feaster into some horrible creature? (I like to call it the Regretasaurus.) With literally no one else even approaching top line talent available (as Alexander Semin cries in a corner about how no one loves him), Doan has become this godly combination of every intangible, and a few tangibles to boot.

I’ve seen comparisons to Chris Drury out there, and that’s fine if you’re willing to stop at “full of all this crap you want, and also actual hockey talent.” Otherwise they’re not really anything alike. Drury played less physical, probably possessed more scoring talent, had far more playoff success (though that is not necessarily Doan’s fault) and was much more of an all around player as evidenced in his rough 3:00 minutes of penalty killing time per game. (For comparison Doan hit 0:52 last season and didn’t come close the two previous seasons.)

And again, Doan is a great player, but the price-tag just kills me. $7.5 million, for four years! Even if you’re willing to convince yourself that he’s going to continue his 50-60 point trend of the past three seasons, that’s crazy pants. Basically adding Doan at that price-tag is an admission that you’re one Shane Doan away from a Stanley cup (which I don’t think the Sabres are). And even that decision is a gamble that Doan will A). Not get hurt. B). Not disrupt your existing leadership (probably unlikely) and C). Be productive enough as a hockey player to be worth that money. And if you don’t win the cup and any of the above things happens, or he just gets old, then you’ve essentially just bought a very expensive rock.

…and we already labor under under the dead weight of Vanek and Stafford and their overpriced deals. Who needs another?
SPARE me the ‘hockeyball’ advanced stats stuff…the Corsi Fenwick/ Fibonacci sequence/DaVinci Code numerology where player A is a better 2nd period Faceoff man in a PK situation on the road in the neutral zone in January than Player B , and we have the gallons -per-minute figures to prove it…and answer me this.
Do Thomas and Drew strike you as guys who are difference makers on a consistent, clutch time basis when we need them?
Do opponents game plan to stop them when they come to town, like we do when we see Crosby or Stamkos or Tavares out on the ice?
I think not.
How about Arnott for a year to buy time for the pups at center to grow another year on the farm?

So spare you the things that provide depth to superficial analyses? Okay.

You do realize that Vanek is one of the premiere goal scorers (top 5 or 10) since the lockout, even when considering ‘dumb’ stats like goals, goals per 60, and power play goals. (And he still has a smaller cap hit than the Doan offer.)

And that Drew Stafford makes $3M less than the Doan offer despite averaging 4 less points the last two seasons. Is $3M an adeuqte price for four points and some intangibles? Especially when you consider that Stafford plays on the PK more than supposed all around player Shane Doan. Have to look at all the variables. Saying ‘player x is better than player y, so let’s get him’ is a gross oversimplification. I’m sure this looks like a defense of Stafford, but it’s really not, it’s a defense of realism and taking into account all factors.

As far as Shane Doan goes, one cannot dispute his potential leadership capabilities. And yes, his points scored over the past few seasons have been astronomical for a dude at the tail end of his career. You’d have to be stupid to pretend that you didn’t know that Darcy n’ the gang were gonna make a move f

…for him. The leadership on this team has been questionable for close to seven years. The price tag might not be worth it but I can’t see them acquiring a Shane Doan esque player thru a trade, especially since no one would appreciate our inconsistent players and the dead weight they create.

Is there a pool for the next trade/FA option to be a fad in a week? Nobody on this fanbase gave a damn about Shane Doan until he was the only viable FA option left, and now all the sudden he’s the saint of the franchise and a true leader. Blah blah blah, next week we’ll all find out how Petr Sykora is everything this franchise needs.

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