What to do with the kids

by Mike Beucler

The other day I was watching the kids play. They would go outside, do something, then come in the house and tell me and the little woman about it. Then boom, they would be out again. Me and the little woman would respond by saying “GET OUT OF THE HOUSE BEFORE I PUT YOU TO WORK.” You know- water the cows, feed the chickens, slop the pigs, or pick food for lunch. I guess it was a empty threat since we relay didn’t have any work to do.

I have been living in the city for many years now. Since college, my time in the country has gone straight down hill. Which makes sense; You give up cows for computers and these things happen. But I still haven’t figured out just what are you meant to do in the city.

I used to go out into the woods and play for hours. It was great fun. I would find a pack of trees in the middle of the forest and start building a fort. A few hours would go by and mom would get worried about me and come and look for me. There is just something about having your kid missing for a few hours that will do that to a parent. It’s a good thing we had a lot of dogs. The dogs would follow me when I went up in the woods and leave lots of tracks. After mom played Indian tracker for a hour or so she would get close enough so I could here her yelling,

“MIKE!!! MIKE!!!”

I would yell back. Then slowly I would make my way back out of the woods. She would say, “We were worried about you.” and I would give the common response, “Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself.” By that time, 4-6 hours were gone. Mom was exhausted and I had yet another half build fort in the middle of the woods.

Now I remember when the kids were at the park and my little woman didn’t know it and had to walk a block. She was so mad she could have killed a rattle snake by biting it. Even if the kids could have gotten away, the fort they built would have been destroyed by other kids seconds after they left. Oh– and if the kids said anything like “worry about yourself,” they would get strung up by there toe-nails.

I guess you can’t always do things the same way they where done when you where a kid. Things change.

Oh- but Mom used to have us out of the house on the days she could keep us home. How did she do it? Well she sprayed for bugs and told us the bug spray would kill us. By staying outside we were saving our lives, while our brave parents stayed in the poison to kill bugs.