Posts Tagged ‘WWE’

WWE’s Old School RAW last week got me thinking a lot about what made the WWF seem so captivating when I was a kid, and what it is about the WWE nowadays that’s just… not quite hitting that same chord now. What’s different? I mean, aside from the entirely different roster and set and stuff. It took me a while, but I think I’ve finally figured it out.

The writers.

Back in the early ’90s, wrestling didn’t have writers. Relatedly, angles were more important than storylines. The two terms are used fairly interchangeably, but as Lance Storm wrote on his blog, they are not. The purpose of an angle was to take two wrestlers and set them on a path that led to a match (the intersection of the angle). The journey toward that match was focused entirely on making the audience want to see these two guys fight each other. It’s a similar principle to how the UFC promotes its fights. With the advent of the internet, anybody can get the results of matches seconds after they conclude, so promoters need to make the audience want to see the fight itself. The audience needs to want to see one guy beat the everloving crap out of the other guy.

How are storylines different? Well look at the WWE now. This past Sunday’s Survivor Series was headlined by Randy Orton defending the WWE Championship against Wade Barrett with John Cena as the guest referee. Going into that match, where was all the hype? On Cena. The referee. The focus wasn’t about whether dastardly heel Barrett could outsmart Orton and capture the title or whether Orton would prove that Barrett was all talk. It was about whether Cena would hand the belt to Barrett, in essence, or be fired. Watching RAW the next night not only gave me all the information I needed to continue following the story, it gave me a Barrett/Orton rematch. Cena’s farewell speech? Longer than the Barrett/Orton rematch.

What does this have to do with writers? You need writers to write storylines. You don’t need them to create an angle. In 1994 one of the strongest angles of the year was the family feud between Bret Hart and younger brother Owen Hart, which lasted the entire year. It was delightfully simple: younger brother Owen was jealous of always being in the shadow of older brother Bret’s success. No several-minute-long, pre-written promos. Really, not even any particularly top notch promos (the Harts, while fantastic workers, have never been particularly skilled on the mic). No kidnappings. No attempts to murder people with automobiles even though that makes no sense at all. Just two brothers who had a falling out and wanted to prove who was best.

At the Royal Rumble, Bret and Owen’s bid to win the WWF Tag Team titles were thwarted when the Quebecers injured Bret’s knee and pinned him before he was able to tag Owen. Owen made his heel turn at the end of the match, kicking Bret’s injured knee and blaming his selfishness for costing Owen a shot at WWF glory. Later that night, Bret limped into the Royal Rumble match and came out as co-winner with Lex Luger. His brother getting a WWF title match after denying Owen his chance at gold? Owen’s jealousy was triggered and set up what turned out to be a brilliant match between the brothers at WrestleMania, which Owen won. Later that night, Bret won the WWF title from Yokozuna, and the show ended with Owen Hart standing, dejected, in the aisle while his brother celebrated.

At the King of the Ring, Bret Hart retained his WWF Championship with help from brother-in-law Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart. Later in the night, the Anvil returned to help out a relative once again as Owen won the King of the Ring tournament, leading to speculation that the Anvil had helped Bret retain his title so that Owen could get a crack at it. Which was entirely true. As King of the Ring, Owen demanded a championship match. And he got it at SummerSlam in a steel cage. The two brothers would finally settle the score, and Bret came out victorious. But Owen would have the last laugh, nearly a year after the whole thing started. At the Survivor Series in 1994, Bret Hart defended his title against Bob Backlund in a submission match, during which Owen tricked his mother into throwing in the towel, costing Bret the WWF title.

Okay, that summary went on longer than I intended it to, but I do have a point here: could you imagine what would happen nowadays if WWE’s writers tried to craft a year-long storyline between two wrestlers? They would wrestle each other forty-some times, for one. There would be something in the neighbourhood of 100 hours of monologue. And unlike 1994, I would not be buying the pay-per-views.

Promos/First Elimination
-Percy Watson is only vaguely intelligible, and is eliminated. McGillicutty and Riley’s promos are solid but unspectacular. Kaval’s rap is entirely different from the lacklustre promos he’s been giving so far, so in that sense I approve of it. He clearly forgot a bit of it in the middle, which dragged it down (as did Michael Cole’s jackassery on commentary), but it’s probably one of the better bits of mic work he’s done on NXT. Speaking of which, Husky Harris’ promo was fantastic, and easily the best one he’s cut all season. The reference to Barry Windham’s championship boots was a nice nod to the past, which I always enjoy, and the line about “they say the devil wears cowboy boots. Ain’t that a coincidence?” was a sublime finish.

Michael McGillicutty vs. Zack Ryder
– The WWE isn’t really doing much with him, but I like Zack Ryder. He’s a decent worker with an interesting character that seems to be falling victim to being on star-crowded Monday Night RAW. I’d actually like to see him work with McGillicutty in a situation where they have more time, since this was a pretty entertaining match that kept me engaged throughout its length.

LayCool segment
– I enjoy LayCool’s antics (somewhat inexplicably, really), and this added a bit more story to the next match, beyond the one that’s developed over the course of Kaval and Harris’ previous encounters, so in my estimation this segment accomplished what it needed to.

Husky Harris vs. Kaval
– Once again Harris and Kaval work together very well, although the ending of this one got awkward and sloppy-looking. Kaval’s rolling heel kick looked like it caught Harris square in the temple with a substantial amount of force, which could have been a contributing factor. The double-stomp to finish things off looked absolutely brutal. Some wrestling finishers don’t really look like finsihers… that one looked like it would kill the average person stone dead.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alex Riley
– Well that sure didn’t take long. Another match I’d like to see again but with more time. But it’s WWE C-show, so that’s probably not going to happen. I didn’t like it as much as the previous two matches, but it wasn’t bad.

Matt Striker/Michael Cole/Josh Matthews promo
– Michael Cole is a giant douchebag. I can’t even think of words slanderous enough to describe my opinions of Michael Cole and his petty attention-whoring, disrespect towards independent wrestling (you know, the wrestling that keeps new blood pumping into the industry so that you continue to have a job?), and the verbal excrement that he calls commentary. This entire segment is completely unnecessary and did nothing but make me angry.

Second Elimination
– Husky Harris is out, which isn’t cool. Cody Rhodes kind of took over the segment, which worked despite the fact that I would have preferred to see if Husky could match his promo from earlier. I liked that it took msot of the pros in a combined effort to take down Husky, and it seems like they could be setting up some kind of angle where Rhodes brings Harris up to the WWE as his muscle (and to protest his elimination, since they’ve developed the most interesting pro/rookie relationship this season).

Final Thoughts
– Husky Harris’ elimination leads me to believe that Kaval is going to win the show. McGillicutty is a little bland and I don’t think he could hang with the main eventers convincingly like Wade Barrett is doing on RAW right now. Alex Riley is the best of the three on the mic, though, which gives him a strong chance. Actually, that alone might be enough to give him the win. I can see Alex Riley being injected into the Smackdown main event scene and holding his own (RAW’s upper card is far too crowded). Michael McGillicutty and Kaval are both good examples of why managers need to make a comeback. With a Bobby Heenan or a Jim Cornette that could carry the bulk of the promo load, either of those guys could easily find a place in the upper-mid-card.

Since I started watching the WWE again regularly in January, Smackdown has been my preferred show. I find it has a much more tolerable wrestling-t0-talking ratio than RAW, which is the primary reason I like it better, but I’m also strongly on board with a secondary singles championship that actually matters and commentary that doesn’t make me want to climb through my TV and kill a motherfucker (I’m looking at you, Michael Cole).

It has become clear that Smackdown got hosed in this year’s draft. Badly.

Monday Night RAW added Chris Jericho, Edge, and John Morrison to a roster already boasting John Cena, Randy Orton, Sheamus, and now the Nexus. RAW’s main event scene is so jammed that Morrison has been relegated to jobbing to Skip Sheffield (seriously, a clean pin!?) on last night’s episode and Jericho and Edge are just sort of floating around. Adding Wade Barrett to the mix just further crowds the top of the card, and stunts the ability of guys like The Miz and Evan Bourne to climb up the card effectively.

In return, Smackdown got… the Big Show. While RAW has so many main eventers that guys are being left out and underutilized, Smackdown is hurting for top-card talent. Jack Swagger’s World Heavyweight title push petered out after he lost to Mysterio a few times in a row, dropping the belt for essentially no reason, other than maybe to set up some kind of element in the Kane/Undertaker story where Kane took out the Undertaker because he couldn’t beat him for the belt, so he got rid of him so he could take it from an easier opponent. Swagger has had a lot of his, well, swagger taken away while Rey Mysterio, Kane, and the Undertaker are all aging and the Big Show has never really been a consistant main eventer. CM Punk is really the only solid main event piece they have right now, but his Straight Edge Society is kind of dragging him down to the midcard.

Speaking of midcards, Smackdown’s is the highlight of the show right now. Unlike the US Title, which is basically just that thing The Miz wears to remind us that he matters, the Intercontinental Title is almost more valuable than the World title, in my estimation, since it’s the division having the best matches and the most interesting stories. It’s really the only area where Smackdown improved in the draft, with the addition of Kofi Kingston and Christian. RAW has the pieces for a decent US Title division, but they don’t appear to be very interested putting them to use.

Hopefully in the future they dump they either dump the draft or have the two brands draft from NXT, but in the present Smackdown’s main event scene is in depserate need of an overhaul because they got screwed at the drafting table. WWE writers being, y’know, competent might help a little, too.

The Opening Segment
– Matt Stryker shows off the episode’s challenge with Michael Cole and Josh Matthews. Cole is a walking catalogue for the WWE merchandise line and goes about seems to have embraced the fact that the fans (well, at least internet jerks like me) think he’s a complete douchebag. He storms off like one after Josh Matthews beats him easily. Which really shouldn’t be a surprise to anybody, since the dude is built like a little bus.

Punching Bag Challenge
– They punch the bag. Alex Riley wins, making the dramatic moment at the end of the elimination poll less suspenseful. It’s not the worst challenge they’ve had and, even better, it’s short.

Six-Man Tag Team Match
– I enjoyed this match, and my only real complaint is that there was a commercial break in the middle of it. I don’t like having commericials in the middle of matches when they could just as easily cut down some of the other segments (like the challenge or the opening “here’s how the challenge works” bit). Lucky Cannon lives up to his name, since it looked like he could have very easily broken his arm on that dive over the top onto Alex Riley. I like that this match was noticeably different from the match on RAW, although the fact that this match was longer, better, and on the right show begs the question as to why the six-man was on RAW in the first place instead of Miz/Morrison, which had direct SummerSlam implications.

Morrison vs. Miz
– Good match, wrong show. This should have been on RAW, where it’s ramifications would have had more of an impact on a larger audience. It almost feels like the WWE is aware that Monday’s RAW was a weak lead-in to SummerSlam and were trying to make up for it a bit.

The Elimination
– Lucky Cannon being ousted wasn’t much of a surprise, since he has all the personality of the average coat rack. Even his farewell address seemed like he had no idea where he was going with it. He started off like he was going to take a heel turn, then went into a weird half-snark/half-trying-too-hard-to-be-a-babyface speech. I’m also pleased to see Husky Harris climb the rankings a little bit.

Michael Cole’s Miz-Boner
– Yep, it’s still raging. I don’t understand how the Miz can possibly be considered the best coach in NXT history by any conceivable metric, though. Daniel Bryan had a terrible record, then lost to Wade Barrett. Alex Riley has a middling record and was second last in the pro poll. If Cole is trying to help get the Miz over for his sojourn into main event territory, I’d suggest the best way to do that is to not have him be associated with Michael Cole.

I haven’t seen the full episode for this one (it hasn’t aired yet and I won’t be home when it’s on later tonight), so today’s commentary is based on the clips on WWE.com.

– The Challenge
… was terrible. The WWE.com clip cut out Matt Stryker’s bit at the beginning where he explains what the point of it is (assuming he did one), which I really would have liked to have seen, because I have no idea why anybody could have possibly thought this challenge was a good idea. So the rookies have to kiss a homely woman to prove… something? Lucky Cannon wins immunity, probably because he’s less interesting than the ring post and at risk of getting the boot in the next elimination (although considering the fan vote is only half of the elimination criteria, the WWE can easily preserve whoever they want to remain in the competition with the pro poll).

– Michael Cole & Josh Matthews
I think I’ve made it quite clear that I think Michael Cole is an untalented douchebag. I’ve heard plenty of bad commentary, but this is just ridiculous coming from the biggest promotion in the world. Cole and Matthews have all the chemistry of a third grade science class, and spend more time being complete assholes to each other than actually talking about what’s happening in the ring. The key to good heel/face commentary is a certain degree of subtlety. Whereas Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler bickered and had very different views about appropriate behaviour for wrestlers, but you could still believe that they respected each other and had a certain degree of friendship between them. Cole and Matthews interact like they’re in junior high.

– Matches: Miz vs. McGillicutty, Riley vs. Watson, Harris vs. Kaval, McGillicutty vs. Cannon
The WWE.com clips appear to be out of order, so I’m commenting on the matches in the order I watched them. They also don’t show the entire match, which is a little annoying (yes, I’m aware they have full episodes on Hulu, but I just get a pop-up saying they don’t work in my region).

Miz beats McGillicutty to the surprise of nobody. Cole’s Miz-boner significantly detracts from the match. McGillicutty’s earlier bout against Lucky Cannon is… well it sure did happen. Is the McGillicutter a spinning neckbreaker, or is it supposed to end in a Diamond Cutter? If it’s the latter, that seems like it would look pretty cool if Lucky Cannon didn’t bone the bump.

Husky Harris and Kaval had a very entertaining match (well, the three minutes of it that were online were good, so I’m extrapolating that the rest of it was also good) that featured some cool spots, the best of which was Harris countering a plancha into a powerslam against the guard rail. Kaval countering the catapult into the Warrior’s Way was also very cool, as was the Uranagi/senton combo that Harris used to get the fall.

Overall, I think the challenges need a serious reconsideration if they’re going to continue to be part of the show, because right now they’re just a half-assed nod to the immunity challenges on reality TV shows. Four matches is also a bit much to try to cram into a 45 minute show. I’m also not sure how sustainable the show is in the long term, since the WWE already has problems showcasing their entire roster on TV without adding more guys to it every few months. And if season one is any indication, the bulk of the NXT roster will probably find themselves sticking around. A few of the guys from this season probably won’t be back, but I wouldn’t be surprised if four or five guys ended up in the WWE.

A quick note about the date: NXT airs on Tuesdays in the US, I think (as far as I know it’s in the same time slot on the sci fi channel that ECW was in), but I’m Canadian and we get NXT on The Score, where it airs on Thursdays. So while it aired in the US a few days ago, I’m just getting it for the first time now.

– Opening Talky Segment
I didn’t see last week’s episode, so I have no idea what MVP and Percy Watson are talking about. Normally the WWE replays things ad nauseum, but in this case it would have been helpful. I don’t quite get why they set up MVP’s talk show set when there’s going to be a match right away, but the segment itself was decent. MVP and Cody Rhodes carried it, since Husky Harris isn’t very good on the mic and Percy Watson is just kind of boring. Husky Harris’ promo was almost good until he botched the end of it.

– Josh Matthews and Michael Cole
So is Michael Cole the heel announcer? But he’s the face announcer on RAW… ostensibly, anyway, since it seems like he and Jerry Lawler can’t decide which of them is the face and which one is the heel. I still don’t understand what the deal with Michael Cole’s Miz-boner is. God, if the Miz cashes in money in the bank and wins the WWE belt I wouldn’t be surprised if Cole just splooged all over ringside. Having the heel announcer do play-by-play is a bit of a twist, except that it means the face announcer is always in a weaker position, since the play-by-play guy naturally dominates the commentary. It doesn’t help that Cole’s idea of being the heel announcer is to just snark without any sort of wit.

– Husky Harris & Cody Rhodes vs. Percy Watson & MVP
Rhodes and Harris are my favourite pro/rookie combination so far, so I’m happy to see them in action. Husky Harris seems to be the best in-ring wrestler out of the rookies (at least that I’ve seen, keep in mind that I’ve missed about half of the episodes so far), and this match actually got some time to develop. I like the dynamic between Rhodes and Harris, with prettyboy Cody Rhodes supporting his looks-challenged henchman because he’s a beast in the ring.

– Alex Riley vs. Lucky Cannon
Well that… happened. Alex Riley puts away Lucky Cannon with a TKO in a match of Divas-esque length. Once again, The Miz ends up with all the heat after smashing Lucky onto the money in the bank briefcase.

– Morrison/Cottonwood/LayCool/Kaval promo
Boring. Eli Cottonwood has improved slightly by using the fact that he’s a freaking giant to his advantage, but other than that, meh. Also, could SOMEBODY give Kaval a personality? His promo is met with silence from the fans after he attempts to get cheap pops with name-dropping because somebody decided he should be the “I love you fans, we can do anything together!” babyface.

– Kingston/McGillicutty promo
McGillibuddies? I want to say I like this just to spite Michael Cole… but damn, that’s terrible.

– Obstacle Course Challenge
The challenges thusfar have been the weakest aspect of the show, but I don’t hate this one. It’s entertaining, visually, and there’s some decent character stuff happening. Alex Riley is a sore loser, Eli Cottonwood ain’t too bright, and Husky Harris rewards my favouritism with a great bit of development for his character. Smashing through the thing he was supposed to jump over and then swaggering his way through the rest of the course was both entertaining and really established his personality.

Final Thoughts:
I can’t quite gauge who’s going to come out as the NXT champion, but I’ve gotta say that Husky Harris seems like a frontrunner. He’s weak on the mic, but his character and personality are engaging and he’s very good in the ring. With more practice on the stick or a manager I think he could do very well in the WWE. I want to root for Kaval because I’m a big Low-Ki fan, but goddamn is his gimmick bad. The rest of the cast seems like they could be serviceable WWEers, but I can’t see any of them getting the kind of push that winning NXT involves. Maybe add them to the Nexus if the WWE decides they want to replace some of Wade Barrett’s mooks.

The first three panels of this page turned out pretty much how I pictured them. Panel four, less so. This also solves my personal mystery from last update of which page comes next. Turns out it was the one with the spinning wheel kick. Or spinning heel kick, I’ve heard it called both.

So this week’s Monday Night RAW was one of the best I’ve seen since I started watching regularly again, back in January when Bret Hart was the guest host. I sure hope the Nexus can actually wrestle, though, or that tag team match is going to be godawful. Wade Barrett did as well as could be asked considering he had to work with Mark Henry. And good on him for managing to not kill Mark Henry when Henry fell off of his shoulders the wrong way. I didn’t see NXT season 1, so hopefully I missed the evidence that all of the Nexus are sublime grapplers… or at least won’t ruin the 14-man tag team match.

I didn’t get to see WWE NXT season 1 when it was airing because none of my local stations were carrying it, but now that The Score is carrying season 2 (albeit in a crappy time slot) I’ve been able to watch it. Well, the first episode and the most recent episode, anyway, because of the aforementioned crappy time slot. I was going to post stream-of-consciousness reactions to the show on Twitter (kind of like what I do with RAW and Smackdown once in a while), but decided to just blog it instead, because more site content beats out Twitter posts read by tens of people.

– “Talk the Talk Challenge” Meh. A couple of good promos (Alex Riley and Michael McGillicutty), a couple of stinkers (Eli Cottonwood and Kaval), and the rest were mediocre. The concept of having challenges is kind of interesting, but I’m not a fan of how it’s implemented. Having everyone line up and cut a promo on a “random” subject seems kind of pointless when they could just as easily have them cut promos before their matches or something. The “winner gets a talk show segment” prize… eh. I don’t really like those segments when they’re hosted by wrestlers I like, let alone ones I’m ambivalent toward.

– Josh Matthews and Michael Cole
Josh Matthews’ reaction to Michael Cole’s talk show name suggestions was brilliant. Actually, his reaction to Michael Cole in general is pretty entertaining, like he’s annoyed that he can hear the words coming out of Cole’s face. I think Matthews works pretty well as the snarky heel announcer (well, snarky, anyway, since the heel/face announcer thing seems to have dropped out of style like thought balloons in comics). I don’t quite understand Cole’s Miz-boner though. Is it something that makes sense story-wise or just Cole being a douche?

– Percy Watson vs. Michael McGillicutty, Kaval vs. The Miz, Rhodes & Harris vs. Henry & Cannon
I like the way they shoot the matches. The camera never seems to stay still, almost like a hand-held effect, but a little bit smoother. It’s got a nice energetic feeling to it, and it’s good to see the WWE trying some new things with the camera work, which has been pretty much the same for the last twenty or so years. The main event was pretty short, but fairly good. I liked Husky’s reaction when his team won, like he hadn’t proved his point yet. The other two matches were unspectacular, but good enough, and I haven’t seen somebody get pinned with a sunset flip since, like, 1990.

– The Rookies
Michael McGillicutty: I like this guy, but some of the choices the WWE made for his gimmick confuse me. In his intro promo he talked about his lineage, being part of the famous Hennig wrestling family, which is cool, I like it when they make nods to that kind of stuff. But… why isn’t his last name Hennig? “I’m the son of Curt Hennig and grandson of Larry ‘the Axe’ Hennig! But my last name is inexplicably McGillicutty.” Er… what? That weirdness aside, he’s pretty solid all-around, and I could see him winning, or at least ending up on the main WWE roster in the future.

Husky Harris: In this case I can see why they changed his name, since Husky Rotundo would be pretty hard to take seriously. They might as well call him Fatty McFatfat. His mic work hasn’t been fantastic, but he’s pretty athletic and he just has something about him that makes me think he’s going to do well.

Kaval: I like the dynamic they’ve set up with Kaval and Team Laycool, but I’m not sure if being a crowd-pandering babyface is the right move, character-wise. When I first saw him in TNA he had a kind of mysterious, sinister foreigner thing going, which I think would work in the WWE. His voice sounds awesome, but the less he talks, the better. Maybe if they gave him something other than “Hey WWE Universe, you guys are pretty awesome.”

Eli Cottonwood is a walking billboard for why the WWE needs to bring back managers. The guy’s got a cool backwoods psychopath look, complete with facial tics, but then he talks and the effects of all that size and crazy evaporates.

Alex Riley: This guy has a bit of an early Kurt Angle vibe to him. I haven’t seen him wrestle yet, but his microphone talent is certainly in the upper echelons of the NXT cast.

Lucky Cannon: Not fond of his catch phrase, or his name. Also, I had to look up the NXT cast on the WWE website to remember who he was.

– Other Observations
I haven’t heard anyone on WWE programming use the term “professional wrestler” in a loooong time, but Husky Harris busted it out during his “doorknob” promo. Certainly beats “sports entertainer.”

– The NXT theme song is kind of awful. RAW’s is by Nickelback, and therefore I’m legally obligated to hate it despite it’s near-infuriating level of catchiness, and Smackdown’s is rad.

I just upgraded to the newest version of WordPress, so mostly this post is about checking to see if it’ll work. But also, I’ll talk about… I dunno, wrestling, I guess. Seems like the kind of thing you guys would want to read about, hey?

I started watching wrestling again regularly earlier this year, when Bret Hart was the guest host on RAW. At that point, I honestly couldn’t have cared less about what was going on in the WWE, I just bit hard on their obvious ploy to recapture the attention of their older fans. Since then I’ve been watching RAW and Smackdown pretty regularly, and also attempted to get back into watching TNA. Attempted being the key word.

Honetly, I haven’t been able to sit through an episode of Impact since they had the big “head-to-head” with RAW one with Hulk Hogan. Maybe it’s because they’re building their brand around washed-up stars from the early ’90s that should have retired by now. I was never a big Hulk Hogan fan, I’ll just say it flat out. I got into wrestling after he had passed his prime, and even when he was part of the big NWO phenomenon I always wished the focus was on the other guys instead of him. Since Hogan and Bischoff (blech) showed up it seems like the whole show is just trying too hard. TNA can’t compete with WWE on the WWE’s level, and I don’t see how it does anybody any good for it to try. They seem to be trying to emulate the Monday Night Wars (they moved Impact to Monday night in the same time slot as RAW, for crap’s sake), which does explain the WCW circa 1997 feel that they’ve got going. I mean, seriously, does anybody really want to see Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair yell non-sensical promos while AJ Styles stands in the background holding the belt that is overshadowed by “wrasslin’ with the oldies?”

One thing I think is important for a wrestling promotion is to know what it is. ECW in the ’90s knew it couldn’t match the glitz and glamour of the WWF and WCW, so they focused on having the best in-ring wrestling, with something to cater to everyone’s tastes. The blood and guts hardcore wrestling, the lucha libre, the superb technical grappling, and sometimes all of those in one match. Ring of Honor strikes me as a similar case, although the in-ring styles they focus on are different.It’s also great seeing young wrestlers grow and develop, which TNA certainly doesn’t seem very interested in doing anymore.

It’s almost like what parents tell their kids: don’t try to be anyone else, just be yourself. Think about it, wrestling world.

Note: Can you believe my original intent of this post was to talk about the main event scene on RAW these days? Holy off-topic, Batman.

CM PUNK vs. REY MYSTERIO
Punk wins, probably with Straight Edge Society interference, pretty much entirely for storyline purposes. If they approach it the right way I think it’ll be a pretty interesting story, probably resulting in another Punk vs Mysterio match to get Mysterio out of the Society in a few months.

RANDY ORTON vs. TED DiBIASE vs. CODY RHODES
Probably Orton, but I’d like to see DiBiase win it, since they seem to be trying to push him a little bit, but I’m not sure they quite know how to do it. Maybe have him beat Rhodes to get them feuding and free up Orton to go do something else.

TRIPLE H vs. SHEAMUS
I can see either of them winning it, but for vastly different reasons. If Triple H wins, it’s probably because he refused to lay down for Sheamus on the grandest stage of ’em all. If Sheamus wins, it’s because they’re trying to fix the fact that his championship run made him look like a total pansy.

SHOWMIZ vs. R-TRUTH AND JOHN MORRISON – WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
The tag division is basically non-existant, so I don’t particularly care who wins this one. The WWE either needs to make a concerted effort to rebuild it’s tag team division so that the titles mean something, or just get rid of them entirely.

CHRISTIAN vs. KANE vs. JACK SWAGGER vs. MVP vs. EVAN BOURNE vs. MATT HARDY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KOFI KINGSTON vs. DREW MCINTYRE – MONEY IN THE BANK LADDER MATCH
I can think of convincing reasons for about half of these guys to win it. Christian for one last main event hurrah before retiring or settling into a role of talent development (he’d be a great manager for a guy who needs work on his mic skills). Dolph Ziggler seems like he’s being built up for a push. Shelton Benjamin has been around for a while and might get a shot at the main event. On the other end of the spectrum, Evan Bourne is clearly just there to do something ridiculous off of a ladder. Which is too bad, really, because I really like his in-ring work. Pick-wise, let’s say… Christian.

BRET “THE HITMAN” HART vs. MR. McMAHON – NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH
Hard to say. They’re going to make Bret look like a superhero, but Vince is the one who’s going to be sticking around. Maybe Vince brings somebody out Batista to interfere on his behalf but Cena takes him out of the equation, leading into a Vince hates Cena storyline. Which they’ve already done like forty times. I really want Bret Hart to win it, though.

JOHN CENA vs. BATISTA – WWE CHAMPIONSHIP
Can it be neither? This will probably be almost as painful as watching the two of them natter for fifteen minutes on RAW. Either Cena wins and feuds with Vince McMahon or Batista wins with Vince’s help somehow. And nobody cares.

EDGE vs. CHRIS JERICHO – WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
I’d like to see Jericho keep the belt, but I think Edge is probably going to win it, because that’s the way they’re building it. Could also set up and Edge vs. Christian feud if Christian wins Money in the Bank.