You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

oz

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"Life is what happens while your busy making other plans" John Lennon

Rick, I put that rather mild one in(it appears that the Polish navy isn't held in very high regard, is it?)knowing that Peter would laugh(although just a little)as I did, rather than being offended. I'll point out that when I discuss audio with some of my best friends it seems that they're often moved to exclaim in a jocular way "You cheap hunky!" and I'll often respond with a comment appropriate for their ethnic background. All in fun, and too bad that there are some in the world who get upset over harmless words.

Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep..

After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:

..............."You mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages.

During the first week of a deaf couple's marriage, they discover that they are unable to communicate well in the bedroom with the lights off because they can't see each others hands as hey sign. After several nights of fumbling around and some embarassing misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times."

First-year medical students were attending their first anatomy class with a real human cadaver. They all gathered around a table on which a donor's body was layed out and draped with a white sheet.

The professor was a famous doctor from Russia, where medical schools are notoriously hard on students. He began the class by telling the students, "As aspirink doctors, eet eez necessary to be havink two important qvalities. Ze first eez that you not be disgusted by anythink involvink ze human body."

To demonstrate this quality, the doctor pulled back the sheet, stuck a finger in the cadaver's anus, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Now, to show me zat you are not disgusted, please be doink as I did," he asked.

Naturally, the students freaked out at this request. They hesitated for several minutes, but eventually began taking turns sticking their fingers into the butt of the dead body and then sucking on them.

When everyone had finished, the doctor looked at them and said, "Ze second important qvality to be havink eez careful observation. None of you vere noticink zat I insert middle finger into the anus, but vas suckink index finger. Next time you vill be payink better attention, yes?"

Yes, Peter, it does pay to be observant. For another tasteful contribution consider the young woman in the maternity ward who was about to enter into labor. The nurse asks "Would you like your husband to be present?" She replies "I have no husband". The nurse asks "Then your boyfriend?". The reply is "I have no boyfriend", and the nurse, while curious, says no more.

The birth goes well and nurse comes in and tells her "You have a healthy bouncing baby boy, but before you see him I must tell you that the baby is black". The mother explains "I was without money to live and became so desperate that I worked in a porno film. The star was black".

The nurse replies "I see, but I must also tell you that the baby has blond hair". The mother says "The co-star was a big Swedish guy".

The nurse then goes out and brings in the baby. The mother immediately gives it a big swat on the butt and he begins crying loudly. Mother cries "Thank God!" The puzzled nurse asks why she said that. "I was terrified that he would bark!"