I know you are a chubby butt. There is a lot of lead in that back end. I also know you are not the most co-ordinated kitty. And you have not improved with age.That is why I rearranged the bedroom to give you a stairstep up to the bed, so you wouldn't fall and bruise your dignity again.

I don't know why I bothered. You have played on it, sat on it, sniffed it, and generally enjoyed it - and yet when you want up on the bed, you usually stand beside it and try to jump like always. This is why your sister and I laugh at you.

Your exasperated Mama.

Logged

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

I have finally impressed upon my hemming and hawwing friends that if they do not accept some of you half-grown kittens shortly, then all of you will be heading to the no-kill shelter. Therefore, some of you will be interviewing for permanent homes with my responsible friends in the next month. Please be on your least annoying behavior during the interview process so they take you!

I understand your attempts to remind me what a mess my jewelry craft table is are important. However, knocking everything off the foam pad was not cool or conducive to your human getting her stuff together for work in the morning. Work, that thing that pays for your food, toys, scratch pads and place to live.

Love,

The human

Logged

ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."-J.R.R Tolkien

Will you STOP trying to lull the dog into a false sense of security? It's not working. Nuzzling up to him like he's the best thing since sliced bread only makes him that little bit more suspicious of you. Until he forgets five minutes later and lets you coax him up the stairs again, anyway...

Dear Lily,

Speaking of sliced bread, you really need to not eat any bread products, or in fact any food, inadvertently left on the stove downstairs. The parents are getting mightily sick of throwing out food with angry kitty teeth marks in it.

Dear Rika,

I'm very pleased that you've learned to play, but please, stop chasing the kitten across the room at full speed, you sound like an elephant on methamphetamines.

Dear Branwen,

Why, why, WHY can't you hork in the kitchen or bathroom where it's easy to clean up?!

I know you love to sit in the sink while i am taking a bath. I don't mind it. But will you please stop sitting on the sink and staring at me like you want to kill me and eat my carcass?

Sincerely

Your very creeped out (and scared) mama.

Dear Mama,

I am staring at you because I cannot believe my eyes. You are totally immersing yourself in that evil liquid, WATER! What on earth is the matter with you?! I KNOW that you have a perfectly good tongue, because I hear you make mouth noises with it! Bathe with it, the way Bast intended!

Love, Ciaran

Logged

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Common sense is not a gift, but a curse. Because thenyou have to deal with all the people who don't have it. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Your "It's 6AM! Time to pet the cat!" routine is not appreciated. Sleep time lasts until the alarm noise happens.

Love,

The babysitter.

Dear Baby-Mama:

You are being a squish, allowing the hoomins to sleep until 6AM. 5:30 or better yet, 5AM, is "pet the cat" time! You have to really get your back into a meow, and sing the song of our people like you mean it! If that fails, resort to the morning breath in the face. You'll get the hang of catdom.

The otherside of the door is not a magical wonderland full of tuna cans and catnip. Not the door to the hallway, not the door to the bathroom, not the door to the bedrooms, and certainly not the door to outside. Stop lurking by any closed door and trying to shoot through it when opened.

Especially the door to outside. It is cold, and you are dumber than a bag of sand. You are lucky your big brother Darth has long since cleared the neighborhood of small animals so you can remain unmolested in the yard for a hour or so until you decide that it is cold and you want to come in.

Just stop it. Use your energy to torment, I mean play with, the other cats instead. Stormy could use the exercise.