Sunday, May 2, 2010

Old people everywhere hate me. And to make the hating even more professional, the Department was formed. Maybe, its time I mentioned how it all started.

The department is meant to save Old people from dangerous clumsy fellows all over the world. I was part of the forming.
Don't clap right away. I was the reason why it was established.

Going back four years when it all began. I had a cold and decided to visit a nearby Hospital. A lady at the reception gave me a Number and wanted me to wait until it was called.

Next to me were people. One among them was an Elderly woman. She smiled at me and I greeted her. I had a comfortable seat to sit on and I fell asleep.

I could hear 80. It kept echoing in my head. I looked at the display machine. It read 80. A guy sitting next to me was either trying to wake me up or steal the token from my hand.
Again, the 80 was heard. I looked closely at the display and then at my token. They had a similarity. Both read 80!

Up, I scrambled, holding the book I was reading in one hand and pulling out the headphones. I tried running but nothing was happening. I was doing everything really fast and I was allergic to speed.
I tried to get on my feet. I thrust my hands outward and hit something. The moment my hand collided, there was a yelp.

Now, that was strange. Anyways, I ran towards the reception as I got out of my Sleeping frenzy. Everyone were staring at me. Including the nurse. I looked back and found a woman covering her face with both her hands. Oh yeah, she was the one sitting besides me a few minutes ago. She then had a smile. But that was now covered with her hands.

A quick recap made me realize what had happened. On one side was a nurse giving me filthy looks and on the other side was a woman who had just been slapped on the face.
You might think I apologized. Well, I did the exact opposite. I ran. Out of the hospital to the street.

To be frank, I felt bad about what had happened. I had just slapped a woman on her face. An apology was not possible as all the rude looks were favoring her. She did not sue me. But started the "Department to save faces of Old Woman!".

But the actual thing was formed due to a guy. Yup, an Old guy. The man was in his sixties and was my neighbor's Uncle. I dropped by his house and convinced him to go with me to the park. I was actually trying to fix relationships with my neighbor. Though, it made it even more worse.

We had a walk around the park and finally sat on the grass. There was a huge sign which read, "Keep off the grass".
He said, "Son, are you sure we can sit here? The sign says we shouldn't."
"Don't worry. They will be removing it shortly. And, I sit here everyday!"
That was the first day I was at the park. And also the first time I had ever seen the sign. All of a sudden, we had water splashing on our faces. It wasn't raining. The sprinklers had begun.
I managed to get out and run but the Old man was surrounded with sprinklers who were shooting water at him.

I saved him. But was very late. He got a cold and my neighbor was even more furious. The Old man went to the Hospital only to find the woman at the same spot still covering her face and narrating her story.

The two spoke and decided to join forces. The "Old People's Safety Department" was established and all elderly people on Earth and the one's from Mars were asked to keep away from me...

:O So pictures of your face is posted everywhere in the 'Old People Safety Department'? I can not imagine the look on your face when you took off when the water sprinkler turned on and looked back to see your neighbor all soaked up. LOL..

Even the old people on Mars were told to keep away from you? Man, you must be one heck of a bad ass motherf***er to have the "Department" put out a warning like that. Goodness!

Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong. Old people usually like it when you slap them. It reminds them, when they feel the sting of your hand, how alive they still are. some have even thanked me. You just had a bad experience and these people formed a "Department" over one silly incident. Don't worry! I still think you're a good man!

Have you ever peaked through your window and seen a mysterious vehicle parked outside?That's the Old Peoples's Hit Squad. They are just waiting for you to make one small mistake and then it's 'Goodnight Vienna'!That's what they're like.

If I was you I would just stay in your bedroom where your dog likes to pee. At least you will have your dog and maybe just maybe he might protect you from the Old Woman and the Old Man!! I really wouldn't count on it though. You really have to watch old people sometimes you never know what they might do. GOOD LUCK!! TOODLES :)

Kelly: Yay. That means you are the only person who can save me from the Department. Give them a lecture about not chasing the innocent me.Old people like to get slapped? That's interesting.... heheThanks for stopping by!

Bazza: I have seen them. Actually, I have seen something even more suspicious. An old lady across the street who takes a lot of time to cross. Maybe, she is studying my every move.Okay, I am moving to the Moon! It should be safe for now...:)

Bearfriend: Yup. The green people carry my photo around. And that's not a good thing... hehe

Brian: There might be a flamethrower in their walker. That can be pretty dangerous. Believe me!

PMC: Glad you liked it...:)

Gina: Now that you've mentioned, maybe my Dog is a secret agent. He's kept spying on me all these years. That explains why he never learned from the Obedience Trainer... hehe

whew! for a minute there i was kinda scared that i fit into your old farts department but since you haven't slapped my face or placed me in harms way, we must be good to go ;) hang in there mr. stupid...at least they're easy to spot!

Ha ha ha!!! Ok this really made me laugh. I love this. I might have to come to this blog pretty often. Made my day. Thanks!! I don't know many old people, but I think I would probably be a danger to them also...

This is so funny. I was flying to see my sister in Houston once and an elderly gentleman sitting beside me fell asleep. When we hit some turbulence, he reacted like you did and smacked me in the face. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't run....lol

Subscribe to Stupidity

Look Away!

Some really famous guy said, "Mistakes happen only once. Learn from them!". In my case though, they happen more times than I can learn. So, the guy wasn't famous after all! My life has been associated with incidents that have caused embarrassment to me and everyone and everything around me. This Blog should be one of those mistakes. Reading my Blog is your mistake. Reading my Profile is a bigger mistake.