Open Letter to Shri Robert Vadra

I know you're in the news for corruption and tax evasion charges, but
don't let that bog you down. You are bigger than that, and we are with
you. And of course, there's the union cabinet to take care of that.
Salman hai na? (I am guessing that in the inner
party circles, he goes as son-in-law minister. Hee hee.)

But on a serious note, you are such an inspiration, man.

You know how everybody has their life-changing moments? Buddha had it
below than Banyan tree. Newton had it when that apple fell on his head.
Poonam Pandey when she realized her best talent was taking her clothes
off. Similarly, mine was when I saw a sign at
the airport listing out the most important people in India, the ones
exempted from getting their balls cupped by CISF officers.

Man, this must be an order of magnitude bigger than getting AIR 1 in
IITJEE, 100 percentile in CAT and topping the civil services exam. In
the same year. Mumma must be so proud.

Dude, you're such a rockstar. And I felt important when Continental
airlines sent me a one-time pass to the premium lounge. What a loser.

But i guess you were destined for greatness. Your mom was of Scottish
origin, and dad an Indian. Always the mark of a great man to marry a
foreigner, and i guess it also fit into the whole Gandhi family theme.
But clearly, if there's one thing you did well,
it was getting married to Priyanka ji. Very nice lady she is, tall,
charismatic, short hair and all that.

While most Indian men dream of marrying a woman who can get them a crore in dowry, you went long. And how. Good job there.

Don't get me wrong, I am not like those stupid BJP walas, ranting
against you. I truly adore you man. Your journey is going to inspire men
and women for many centuries.

I mean, you got the airport frisking exemption even before the chiefs of our defense services. That is so FREAKING AWESOME.

Of course, you are not all about being the
first-son-in-law of the country. There's more to you. Like spending time
in the gym to give a complex to Salman and Hrithik. You're forty and
have a six pack of abs. I am 32 and my lungs turn
into the Agni missile if I dare run a kilometer. You already have a
mustache. I say you should shoot for the lead role in Dabangg 2.

Oh, and I love your 1800cc motorcycle. Even my car doesn't have that
many CCs. But then, the national jamai has to live in style, so it is
cool. Kitna deti hai, btw?

There's so much to you. I think you are doing a
great job of removing gender stereotypes that crappy shows like Balika
Vadhu are creating. There the bahus spend their time cooking, looking
good and taking care of the family name. Here,
you are making sure you look good, while taking care of the family
name. This is just so sweet. I would do chubby cheeks to you, if i
could.

Along the way, you've
also built yourself a business empire. Stakes in hotels, apartments all
over the place, everything totaling hundreds of crores. Excellent
example for unmarried budding entrepreneurs. Just
one suggestion - you should consider putting up those apartments for
rent. Some supplemental income never hurts.

Awesome, man. Awesome. Very impressive. Achha, one
last thing. I hear you got a 10,000 square feet apartment in Gurgaon
for 89 lakh. Boss, this is god-level bargaining skills. How did you
manage? When I tried, they wouldn't sell me an
apartment a tenth of that size for that much. Can you please help
getting that discount? Perhaps if we find ten other people, DLF might
even give us a group discount and make it even cheaper.

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