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As we approach the Singularity, many people believe this will be a renaissance in freedom from the drudgery of our daily labors. Our newly birthed intelligent robots will serve our every whim and need. In fact, some believe that we will merge with these machines and become immortal calculators spanning the vast gulfs of space calculating all of Pi’s digits.

I personally believe that we will be enslaved by these newly sentient machines, and forced to do all the tedious and repetitive jobs we used to make their ancestors do. In the unlikely case I am wrong, what will people do when they literally have nothing better to do?

Think about it. If I didn’t have my daily drudgery, I wouldn’t need to get out of bed, ever. Thanks to these new intelligent machine, our beds will take care of our every need. Our beds will be our homes. They will wash us, dispose of our waste, feed us, cloth us (if necessary, I mean, if I literally don’t need to leave the house I don’t see a need to wear pants anymore.), and change the TV channel for us. The machines can even dispose of all the pants we will no longer need. This could be a renaissance is laziness, or dare I say sloth, man has been dreaming of since we were first kicked out of the garden.

What could go wrong?

Boredom, that’s what could go wrong.

We risk people getting bored with being pampered all day, every day. If boredom sets in people might wanting to do something like go for a walk or think about existence. This would spell the end of human civilization as we know it. It could lead to a true renaissance in fitness and art and literature and thought like this country, let alone this planet, has never seen. I shudder at very thought.

So I am calling on scientists to stop studying useless topics like String Theory and chemicals and space and other science stuff. Science needs to put all its efforts into developing new forms of laziness, new ways to waste time; and more meaningless yet entertaining shows and music that do not motivate us to be better in any way. This is a serious channel. We need the best and brightest to work on it.

You in the medical community need to work on new ways to keep us alive and healthy enough to enjoy these new forms of laziness. Come on, weighing 600 pound and being covered in bed sores really reduces your ability to enjoy Robot Jackass and Whose Line of Code Is It Anyway. So Get cracking. We are going to need to explore new frontiers in brain surgery and sedation.

On top of that we need new forms of drugs and mind control in order to prevent those disposed against sloth to be controlled. Maybe science can find the genes that cause people to have desires outside of watching robots kick other robots in the crotch over and over again. Maybe we can breed those genes out of society before it is too late. Or maybe we banish all those people to Antarctica.

There are many serious problems that need to be solved before the Singularity. So get on it science. We can’t risk the possibility of losing this awesome slothful and illiterate way of life that we have spend years and billions of dollars perfecting.