You might be cute sitting there, but someday our roles will be reversed. You'll be picking up after me. I'll be the one disappearing when your back is turned. I'll unleash death in my diaper. Try changing me when I become the Wiggle Worm!!! Oh yes, victory will be mine.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

This is so gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. Some people like this shit, some don't but I guess it's a good way to learn more about each other. YEEECK! So here it is....

Three Things That Scare Me

- People with no arms or legs driving- Hillary Clinton becoming President- Axis of Evil

Three People Who Make Me Laugh

- Myself- Shawn (Obie)- My Son

Three Things I Love

- Bacon- People watching- My son

Three Things I Hate

- The Media- Idiots who trick out their 85 Honda's thinking their cool but won't drive the speed limit cause their afraid it might hurt their car because they have smaller tires on it than I did on my Pinewood Derby car.- The Yankees!

Three Things I Don’t Understand

- Stupidity - People who are followers- Life

Three Things On My Desk

- My computer- Sock Dog- Bottle of Tuaca

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die

- Make movies/get back into acting- Travel more of the world- Party at the Playboy Mansion

Three Things I Can Do

- Sing and do the Humpty Dance- The best Chris Tucker impersonation (Not bad for a white guy)- Kick your ass in tennis

Three Things I Can’t Do

- Depending on who you ask, probably a lot...- Dunk a basketball- Stay within the lines

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Between being extremely busy at work these last few days. Along with taking care of a 1 year old menace. I haven't had much free time as of late. Then to top things off, I've been tagged... To me it's like getting herpes.

You're reading someones post and it's creative. You finally finish up and at the end you've been told your tagged.

"Gee, that was an incredible night PapaDog. You really rocked my world. I'm glad you enjoyed our time together and oh by the way, I gave you herpes."

WTF! Now I have to take extra time from my normally busy schedule to do this tag. Fine I can accept that. It was from a friend, but I now have to spread the herp to 3 new people.

I don't want to be that guy. It used to annoy me back in the day when you would get those mass fucking e-mails about the same stupid jokes, or those annoying chain letters. I can't even tell you how many people I stopped communicating with because of that shit and NOW not only have I been tagged, but I have to tag 3 others...

I hate to do this to anyone, but would anyone like to jump on a grenade for me? I only need 2 volunteers instead of 3 because I'll be passing one along to my sister. She's the crime boss when it comes to chain letters... PAYBACK! Unfortunately I know she'll enjoy it.

If not then I'll have to do a lottery on who'll get picked. Oh, I have no problem sending it to anyone else's crime boss. Let me know.

They say 1 and 4 people have been tagged! You can still live a normal life...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Yesterday we brought Babydog to an activity center. I guess that's what you would call it. Basically it was large rented out room with donated toys, and no sense of order. With its ghetto fabulous decor I felt like I was onstage at the Jerry Springer Show.

Not only was it a total rip off price wise, but I learned something new.

Other kids sucks...

There was one bratty little girl who was driving around in a car running people over and crashing into everything. I'm going to guess she was around 5 years old. Big, mean looking girl. Wavy locks and a sinister grin. She drove up to me, stopped and threatened to run me over for fun. She drove away laughing. I swear I saw her give me the finger. Then she did a drive by tongue sticking out which was witnessed by the Catdoggg. At one point she drove up to my son took the ball out of his hand threw it away and then drove off. Oh did I forget to mention that she would just throw things for fun and didn't care that there were 1 year olds walking around. I seriously wanted to open the front door and let her drive into oncoming traffic.

"Gee, I'm sorry I don't know what happened. I was going outside for air and she ran over my foot and drove off. Aren't you her mother? The one whose supposed to pay attention to what she's doing? Oh that's right, you don't caaaare. No wonder you're not married!"

Oh that was mean, Ha Ha

There was one little boy, actually he wasn't so little. Maybe 2. I swear he could have been the son of Sloth from Goonies.Every time I touched something, or I wanted to touch something friggin Sloth would come over and take it from me. Literally he would rip it right out of my arms poke at it or whatever he did and then toss it. And then he'd do it again. If I wasn't so afraid of him i would have fought back, but I was scared he might bite me or something. Oh, Sloth had a little sister there too. She was developing her Sloth like appearance as time went by. Creepy.

Then there was another ugly boy who was around 4 that wanted to bash my son into oblivion if he touched his precious blue ball. Little fucker doesn't know that he'll have plenty of blue balls later with that mug of his.

Then there were the little girls in the house playing in the kitchen not wanting to let my son inside. When he did finally get inside they ran and shut all the doors and blocked our view. I mean what were they planning on doing in there? One of the girls was the driving brat. Yea, I'm gonna trust them alone with my son. Fucking kids...

Then there was this little girl pushing an empty stroller back and forth the whole time. Something about it seemed very weird to me. Every time she passed me I expected to see the stroller full of empty cans...

Then in the back corner was a little fenced in area that look liked it held goats from a petting zoo. There was a sign on it for crawlers only. I guess it's so the bratty little bitch can't run any infants over. Alas, the brat kept running in and out of there at full speed for fun. Good Job Mommy!

So basically we over paid for an hours worth of controlled chaos. I want Babydog to have interaction with other children, but not from over tired older brats with no parental supervision. Plus, there was Sloth...

Oh yea, Babydog did have fun. He liked the slides and he loved the sandbox. More importantly, he didn't give a rats ass about any of the other demons running about.

Friday, March 23, 2007

At least one or two nights a week I stay late at work. Mostly because I am trying to get organized. Sometimes I prepare some pre-orders and generally I try to clean up the mess of others.

Now most nights are uneventful. Except sometimes I get to verbally abuse some drunk who wants me to sell them alcohol at 12am.

"Hey the lights are off, the door is locked, latest anyone is allowed to stay open is 11pm, we close at 10, oh yea and the lights are off and the door is locked. What part of closed do you not understand?"

The only chance I'll open that store after business hours are when friends or family are coming by or if the Hawaiian Tropic bus breaks down in front. So it's slim to none that some random will ever make it in.

So this night was different because something really, really, exciting happened to me. Around 10:30pm I was planning my attack for chores. We had some breakage building up and I decided to conquer that. Working fast I will admit I wasn't paying attention, I reached into a broken beer box. When I took my hand out...

A) There was a cockroach on it.B) I was bleeding.C) My hand was stuck to something.D) There was a leech attached.E) Spiders... EEECK!D) All of the above.

Sad thing is all of them are true at one point during my illustrious career, but this time my hand was drenched in blood. My own blood this time. Now I've cut myself before at work, fights, you name it, but I have never seen this much blood from my own body before.

I rush over to the bathroom to clean it off so I can inspect it. Uh Oh! The back of my hand toward the side of the pinkie finger was sliced about 2 inches in length. About half an inch wide and deep enough for me to scream, "Oh Shit!"

Off I go to the emergency room. We all know how much that can suck when all I have is a bloody hand and am not a priority. After about an hour they finally took me in. I ended up with 13 stitches. Not too bad. The doctor said I was just millimeters away from my tendons and nerves. LUCKY!!! Speaking of the doctor, this brings me to my next point.

After I was done being stitched up. I came to a realization that emergency room doctors and strippers are quite alike.

First off, after the spot you, they talk you up like they actually care.

"Hey, how are you?" "What happened?"

Then they ask you about yourself and what you do. How long you've been doing it and so on. Killing time before the next song comes on to dance to or in this case when the supplies come into the room.

Then they get to work. Telling you about their lives and how it correlates with yours. They try to find similarities to make you feel one with them. They look you in the eye most of the time.

Then when the song is over or the stitching is done. They get up and go. No goodbyes, no phone numbers no nothing. Weren't you my best friend for the past 5 minutes??? It's either pony up for another song or lacerate your other hand for me or I'm moving on to the next customer.

They don't even acknowledge you when you are leaving. Trying to say a quick thanks. Nothing. Like you didn't exist. It's very sad.

I didn't even get a free t-shirt. :(

Anyway, here's a picture of my hand the next day. Don't look if you might be a bit squeamish. I don't think it's too bad. Trust me, it looked a lot worse when it happened.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

In the past 2 weeks my little guy has become more of a little boy. It amazes me that all of a sudden he understands things. He gets it.

I'm not talking about anything too dramatic. Not like he just learned how to drive a stick. Even though that would be great since daddy still has no freaking clue.

They may seem small, but they make me smile.

1) Instead of me chasing him around the house, he decided to chase me and with a great, big smile saying Da Da Da Dee, Da Da Da Dee.

2) He likes to open and close doors now. He understand how they work and understands that the door knob will open the ones that are not ajar. Thank God he's still too small to reach them, but he tries...

3) He always loved that stupid Sloth from that show "It's a Big Big World" At the end, the annoying creature touches the screen to give a high 5 so to speak. Even though he only has 4 fingers. Babydog actually reached out and gave him 5 back onto the screen. Cute!

On a side note...

Have you seen this stupid thing? This Sloth character is totally on drugs. Wicked Hop Head. He had to be based on Keanu Reeves as well. Cause the thing talks like him. Whoa! and Excellent! Kewl! Yea Dude! Kind of annoying to me. Not sure if I really want a pot smoking sloth teaching my son how to get along with all the animals in the tree. Actually, that doesn't sound too bad. Meeeeeellooooow SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!!

4) He understands to put lids back onto things and recognizes where they go.

He's become very neat. Which is good right now. When he plays with a certain toy, he likes to put the pieces into a bucket and then put the lid on it. In fact he ripped off the table on his high chair (bought at Ikea) played with it and then put it back onto the high chair when he was done. It was backwards, but it's the thought that counts.

5) He answers the phone. If the phone rings he makes a B line toward it and will try to answer it. We have multiple phones for him to play with since we knew early on that he loved them. He'll pick one up and pretend to talk on it. He got that from Mommy...

Today he even tried to put back one of his play phones onto the cradle of the actual phone. He couldn't figure out why is wouldn't fit, but he left it by its side. Good enough.

6) He definitely has the petting of the dogs down. Before you were never sure if he would grab or pet, but recently he is all about the petting. I still see the look in the dogs eyes. They sure as hell don't trust him yet.

7) He opens his mouth wide and lets out a loud "AAAAAAAH" when he goes in the bathroom because he knows he is getting his teeth brushed. So funny.

He knows the difference between that and the bath. Mostly because he's naked for the bath. Which by the way he really enjoys. I wonder how long that will last???

8) He likes to wave bye bye when he wants out of his high chair.

9) He makes the best Southern Comfort Manhattan's with a touch of honey. That boy was born to be a mixologist.

10) My all time favorite so far. He has learned to say Uh Oh. He hasn't really used it in the right context yet until today. He likes to spin around on one of our backs. Catdoggg spun him around and he was laughing hysterically. I'm definitely going to get video of this soon. Toward the end he was dizzy and his head started to bob. He was still smiling. Catdoggg put him down and you could tell he was fighting it. He was on all fours and he tried to stand up and just fell hardcore and flopped onto his back. He actually flopped into the old tray from his high chair and he held onto it as it fell on him. Before we could react he just looks up at lets out an "Uh OOOOH" We died laughing...Uh Oh

Monday, March 19, 2007

I created a site a while back so I could share my life and the adventures of being a new dad. I've recently become more aware of this so called blogger community. It really seems to be a world of it's own.

Along the way I have developed some blogger friendships and some budding relationships. It's so hard for me to make any new friends in my line of work that I can't wait to meet new people on here. Who would have thunk it? God I think I'm turning into a sissy...

I've come across more and more sites that I enjoy. It amazes me how many people are out there doing this. I thought I knew, but I didn't know shit. So here's my question...

On my blogroll(which until recently didn't know what that meant) I have sites that I enjoy and some that are friends. Now, after developing these relationships and investing some time into their sites... If the effort is no longer there, ie. the content is no longer being updated at a normal rate. Is it ok to delete someone from your blogroll???

I'm sure it's done, but I kind of feel bad about it. I feel like I just decided to no longer be friends with someone just because we haven't talked in a while. We all know that's bullshit. When you see someone you haven't seen for a while, you always pick up where you've left off. Like nothing changed. True Peeps...

What is protocal? There are new sites I enjoy and would like to share with everyone, but I don't want to have one of those ridiculous blogrolls running down the side of my page. I'm not into making a link into a seperate page. No offense to anyone out there.

I guess the easiest way to do it would be to go onto those sites tell them to UPDATE THEIR SHIT or face deletion...

I dunno. Any thoughts?

I say this like anyone even cares about whose on my blogroll. Most of my hits are from me refreshing my page. Ha Ha...

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I think I might be satisfied right now. Satisfied or am I giving up? More like giving up. At one point I actually started a new blog with a different server. They made it so simple to add an image to your header. The problem I had was when I imported all my data from Blogger, none of my pictures and videos followed. Plus I had to start from scratch on a lot of things and this site seemed to be for more advanced individuals than myself.

Basically I don't have the patience to learn anything new right now. That site is still up if you can find it. Same name. It shouldn't be to hard for some of ya.

When I did figure out how to add the image, I couldn't change the text color of my blog title to differ from my text of the whole blog. So colors either blended into the header, or the text in the body itself just looked retarded.

So this is what I settled on.

I don't get why Blogger is so difficult. I know there are more template novices like me out there. For Christ sake, just make it easier!!! I had to go on a blog from freaking India this time to figure stuff out. Yesterday it was South Korea.

It's guess it's like that old saying. Or it might be a new saying. I have no freaking clue, but you won't learn unless you try.

Bullshit! I still don't know anything. I just got lucky this time and didn't destroy everything I've done for the past 2 years.

I'll probably get some comments about how Blogger is for dummies like me and it's the easiest one out there. You know what? I don't care! Can you tell me the difference from a CHÂTEAU PÉTRUS Pomerol vintage 71' to a CHÂTEAU MARGAUX Margaux 57'??? I think not.

Well, I guess you could use the Internet to find out. BUT THAT DOESN'T COUNT!!!

Saturday, March 17, 2007

As you can tell my Blog has had yet another makeover. The problem is that this was not intentional. All I was trying to do was add an image to my header.

There's a sight I have been looking at that helped with the codes, but do you think it would work for me?

NOT!

At first the image was added above the header. It was huge. So big that you had to scroll down a quarter of the way to even get to the beginning of my blog.

Then I was able to get rid of it and somehow add it into the header. It was still huge, but at least the text was over the image. Kind of what I wanted, but it didn't fill up the whole part and I had an inch of blue on both sides. Kind of like bookends. Looked rather stupid.

I was able to minimize the image into the header, but yet still had an issue with the blue bookends. Of course I have no idea what I am doing at this point. Kind of winging it. Trial and error. I'm also writing everything down that I change so I don't get too confused.

Well...

I guess I changed a little too much.

I ended up blanking my blog so half of what you saw was white, hence you saw half of nothing of what I knew was there. If that makes any sense?

So I gave up after 2 and a half hours. I backed up my original codes, but I thought I read somewhere that it would be easier to do it on a three column format. Well, this is what I used as a template and it doesn't look like three columns to me. In fact none of them did.

In fact the part of the html that I was following instructions for didn't seem to apply to this template. So I gave up...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Not really feeling it lately. Going through some shit. I'll try to post when I can.In the meantime, check out this video of the boy eating a whole banana for the first time. It's 2 minutes long so if you have the time to waste check it out. I think he's adorable...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

In response to your post regarding my birth. POST As much as I appreciate all of your love for me. As much as I appreciate my 1 year celebratory party. I do not find my birth humorous. In the future, please remember these thoughts.

How would you like to be pushed out of your home? Your warm, cozy home? Not only did I get pushed out but at the end I got yanked. Not fun! I had finally gotten comfortable with my surroundings when this transpired. I don't care how big I was getting. I could have made it work if given the chance.

I had a never ending supply of food. I didn't have to wear clothes. Now that I'm out, I HAVE to wear them. Why? Because it's freaking freezing out here! On top of that I have to put these things on called diapers. Diapers! Are you kidding me? And you wonder why I leave you monster shits each time.

Oh, did I mention that I had to learn how to breath air? Um yea, I had to relearn how to breath in a very short time. You know why? Cause I would have been dead if I didn't. How would you like it if I threw you in a tub full of fluid and left you for dead? Hey, learn to breath fluid or die. You two would never be able to hack it. You're just lucky I'm smarter then both of you. You'd never survive in my world.

So here I am a year removed from my home and as much as I complain about it, it's nice to know that I have a good home. Not great, but good. However, Ido have the both you trained really well now. A quick cry, and a long scream gets whatever I want. It still amazes me that you guys continue to make stupid faces at me to get me to laugh. I'm not laughing because it's funny. I'm laughing because you guys are retarded. It's good that you keep me amused with your moronic faces, and your foolish dance moves. We won't even talk about your singing.

Here's a tip for you. Before you two decide to get drunk again and attempt to make me a sibling. Please, please, remember what I said. Who wants to be evicted into the cold with no clothes, no food, and no way back in. How does that saying go? "I spent 9 months of my life trying to get out and the rest of it trying to get back in." Just think about it and stop thinking about yourselves.

Friday, March 02, 2007

This time last year I was at work. Catdoggg was still preggo. And Babydog still looked like this...

All that was about to change real quick.

So around 6pm I get a call from Catdoggg.

Me- "Yo."

Cat- "Hi, how are you doing?"

Me- "I'm good, how are you feeling?"

Cat- "Well I'm good, but I just wanted to call you and let you know that you should come home soon, but don't rush, but soon okay?"

Me- "What? Are you okay? What? What? What?"

Cat- "I'm fine. Hurry, but don't hurry. Oh and when you do come home, please bring home a box of Fudgicles."

Yea, so now I'm a mess at work. Holy crap! I'm going to be a dad. I'm going to have responsibilities. I'm going to be a role model. I have to get Fudgicles! What if they don't have the right ones? She'll fucking kill me. I don't want to have to travel to 5 supermarkets to find the right Fudgicles. My baby will be born and I'll be in line waiting for the zit plagued high school kid to price check the potentially wrong Fudgicles.

I stay at work a tad bit longer and run down to the closest supermarket. Thankfully they had the right ones. I get home and Catdoggg is pacing the basement. She sees me and immediately scans my arms to see if i had the box of Fudgicles. No hello, no I'm fine, just rips the box out of my hands like a Velociraptor and consumes 3 faster than any human I have ever seen.

So we're all getting nervous at this point. We finally feel like it's time to go to the hospital and we pile into her Aunt's car. It felt like we were in a clown car because everyone and their mother wanted to come along and give us their best advice. Plus, blue hairs drive sooooooo slow. Ugh! I don't know if i was happy to get to the hospital because of the birth of my child or to get out of that damn car.

We check in. we get a room and we wait. Catdoggg is in some pain and does some walking around...

You gotta Click on this Picture and take a closer look

We meet one of our many nurses. We filled the dry erase board out earlier. I mention this because Catdoggg wanted to do a natural birth. No drugs. Well, as time passed and pain ensued. We left a note on our board for the nurse to see when she comes back...

The nurse just smiled and left. Here comes the epidural. Catdoggg went from this...

To this...

It's amazing what drugs can do for you. God I miss college.

The drugs knock her out and I pass out till early morning. Around 5:30 the nurse comes in and takes a peek. She asks Catdoggg if she wants to start pushing yet. I'm sitting there realizing that I'm no longer dreaming and I am about to witness something beautiful yet really gross.

Up to this time we didn't know what gender Babydog was going to be. Here I tried many times to find out but it never worked out for me.Or Here

So here he comes. I see this little gray object inside of Catdoggg. Very weird. What was even weirder was that the doctor wanted me to touch it. I was in a trance. It didn't matter what anyone said to me at this point. If they wanted me to do something I probably would have done anything. So I touch it. It's gray, sticky, just weird. Well, it's my baby's head.

She continues to push and this gray head gets bigger and bigger and bigger. Holy crap! How is that possible? When...

POP! His head is out. The doctor reaches in and pulls out each arm. So now his head is out along with both of his arms. All I could think of at that moment was that my child looked like Quato from the movie "Total Recall"...

Daddy, start the reactor. Free your mind....

When suddenly out gushes all this blood. My God! It was like a slasher flick. The doctor then pulls my child out of mommy's womb and I have a beautiful baby boy. I have a son! I have kept the bloodline going...

At 6:46 am on March 3rd Babydog officially introduced himself to our world. He weighed 7.15 pds and 19 inches long.

While he's getting warmed up I didn't even notice his wang the whole time. I was so consumed with Quato and the blood that I forgot to look. I was too busy with the doctor poking away at his home for the past 9 months...

Welcome to our world Babydog. It's was hard to imagine you being here but it's even harder now to imagine you were never here. You've done nothing but bring smiles to every face you've seen. You've brought so much joy to our world. We love you very much.

I mean, he's not going to really know what is going on. Except for the fact that there seem to be more people staring at him than usual.

Everyday is his birthday... I hated it so much when my mom said that to me, but Damn It! She was right.

I know it's a celebration of his first year and blah blah blah, but I also think it's a celebration for Mommy and Daddy surviving their first year as parents...

We can all have our cake. Just might have a few drinks thrown in there as well. Too bad Mommy gave up booze for Lent. You know what I gave up for Lent? Drinking with my left hand...

So keep sending those checks for Babydog's college tuition. God knows we'll need it when the time comes. Unless he becomes incredibly gifted in athletics, band, cheer leading, science, academics, or he goes to the military. If that's the case, we're buying a boat.

I'm ThePapaDog, The head dog in charge. With the Catdoggg and the best 30 seconds of her life I helped create the Babydog. My life has flipped upside down. I now have responsibilities and more importantly, I have to set a good example. UGH!!! So read along and feel free to throw me a bone everyonce in a while.