Climaxing too early a problem with condoms

LOUANNE COLE WESTON, Ph.D.

Published 4:00 am, Wednesday, October 22, 1997

Q: I have this problem that I have never heard of before. Whenever I have sex with a condom, I usually reach climax within five minutes; however, when I do not use a condom I usually reach climax after about 15 to 20 minutes.

I have no idea why this is happening and it is really frustrating both my girlfriend and me. It seems like I am the only person on the planet that is having trouble with premature ejaculation with a condom.

If you have any idea why this is happening, please let me know. I have tried different brands of condoms and different positions with no results.

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A: Your question is intriguing. Here are a few theories to explore.

Anxiety is the primary cause of involuntary ejaculation (ejaculating before you want to). Sometimes people get anxious about an experience they're trying to avoid and in doing so they trigger the undesirable event. This would explain why your difficulty might be persisting, but it does not explain why it started in the first place. So, here are some thoughts on that.

Sometimes because men dislike using condoms they will wait until the last minute before putting them on. If that's you, then it can mean that a great deal of sexual stimulation might already have occurred and that you were near your threshold for orgasm.

Some men delay putting on a condom because they think that they need to be very hard in order to get it on. That's actually not true. A safe sex demonstration I saw once included a condom being put on the peel of a banana (sans banana). Imagine the equivalent amount of erection. That's how early a condom can be put on.

Are you using a condom only for the purposes of birth control? I assume so, since you made a comparison of with condom and without. If you aren't always using a condom, be sure both you and your partner have been tested for all the possible diseases (HPV, chlamydia, herpes, etc.) in addition to HIV. And be certain of your monogamy.

One more theory: Are you using lubricated or unlubricated condoms? Are you adding extra lubrication inside the dome part of the slightly unrolled condom (usually a good tip to keep condoms from breaking)? Is the level of moisture inside the condom greater or less than what you experience when you don't use a condom?

In other words, might the level of moisture you feel be contributing to the arousal you are building? Some men get more aroused from lots of moisture, some from dry taut skin stimulation. Think about your preference during self-stimulation. Is there a connection?

Readers, contribute your ideas also.

Q: In response to your Sept. 17 column, I would like to share an additional resource which my husband and I found of great value while we were undergoing fertility treatments.

Anyone touched by infertility or considering adoption should contact Resolve. Staffed by individuals personally experienced with infertility and adoption issues, this organization strives to provide information about the various medical procedures while also addressing the emotional roller coaster that often surrounds a person during this time.

Resolve organizes many workshops, two conferences each year, gives referrals to professionals, holds support groups and has a telephone assistance program. A library is also open in San Francisco.

Most important, Resolve offers compassion and community to those in need. Their telephone assistance program can be reached at: (415) 788-3002. The Resolve administrative office is at: (415) 788-3002. Would you please share this information with your readers?

A: I agree that Resolve offers very important assistance to couples and individuals involved in fertility treatments. I am happy to pass along this information to readers. *

"Exploring Women's Sexuality: From Orgasm to Oral Sex" is an audiotape that offers tips to enhance sexual experiences and techniques that can help both partners create more pleasure and intimacy with one another. To order, send Visa / MC data or a check for $14.96 (includes tax and postage) to Louanne Cole Weston at the address below.