My Gym

Chorus

Welcome to the gym come take a wander with me
There’s a few of the members that I want you to meet
And if you’re wondering where it is you’ve seen em before
It’s in every other gym that you’ve probably been

Verse 1

Every gym I’ve been to contains the same characters
I swear it’s like somewhere there’s a manufacturer
With the same personality types they’re pumping out
Let’s start off with the loud guy who likes to grunt and shout
You’ll never need ask anyone “where’d he go”
If you can’t see him – don’t worry coz he’ll let you know
And usually if there’s a weight that you need
You can find it in the huge pile lying by his feet
And over here we have the Gym Bro who conforms
To a strict code and wears the same uniform
Backwards cap? Check. Chewing gum? Check.
Ladies crop top? “Nah man it’s a vest!” (Sure)
This guy spends so much time on his phone
I genuinely want to know do you even lift bro?
And if checking your reflection counted as reps
Then by now he’d be bigger than the Mountain I bet (Yep)

Chorus

Welcome to the gym come take a wander with me
There’s a few of the members that I want you to meet
And if you’re wondering where it is you’ve seen em before
It’s in every other gym that you’ve probably been

Verse 2

But yo do you know who my favourite gym guy type is?
The dude who’s going through the mid life crisis
And clearly hasn’t been to the gym for a few years
So rocks up dressed from head to toe in all new gear
He’s got the sweat pants the vest and the headband
Even his water bottle’s emblazoned with the best brand
He’s dressed like an athlete running a race
But then he does a couple stretches and is done for the day
But it’s not just the guys who act stereotypical
There’s plenty women who are just as predictable
Who turn up with their hair and their make up fresh
But don’t work too hard coz they don’t want to break a sweat
But I’m a hypocrite coz I think this chick is fit
And when she walks past I suck my gut in a bit
And even when I’m knackered if she’s stood next to me
I can always bust out a couple extra reps it seems

Chorus

Welcome to the gym come take a wander with me
There’s a few of the members that I want you to meet
And if you’re wondering where it is you’ve seen em before
It’s in every other gym that you’ve probably been

Verse 3

Trainer: But Offbeat, what about the guy who just stands there people watching…
Me: Uhh what?
Trainer: You know the guy taking down notes so he can make fun of them in a song
Me: Oh that, that’s different…

Let’s not forget the sleazy dude who’s always creeping through
On the lookout for girls to be speaking to
Dropping weak compliments like “Nice hair”
Seemingly unaware their boyfriend’s stood right there
Maybe they know and just don’t care
Either way it’s fair to say he didn’t come to train he just came to stare
All day long at these women’s butts
In fact weights are the only thing he doesn’t plan on picking up
Then there’s the perfect stranger
Who’s read one copy of Men’s Health and now thinks he’s a Personal Trainer
Quick to comment on your form and all the parts that’s wrong
Giving you advice regardless if you asked or not
But then he doesn’t see his own faults
Which is why you should take what he says with a big grain of salt
You can find him by the squat rack
Telling guys “Not bad, but next time try lifting with your back”

Chorus

Welcome to the gym come take a wander with me
There’s a few of the members that I want you to meet
And you’re wondering where it is you’ve seen em before
It’s in every other gym that you’ve probably been

Welcome to the gym thanks for booking the tour
Now you know who you need to be looking out for
– So next time you go there see if you can spot some
It won’t be hard coz every gym’s got one