An academy for growth and guidance

Month: Jul 2018

Ever noticed new things on a drive out of the blue? Like you are driving through that road every day and notice nothing but one particular day on the same route you discover something beautiful about the landscape and wonder ‘when did this happen’? Did the landscape change? No. So what did? Just your perspective.

For decades, legends have proven that it’s never about what life gives you it’s all about your attitude towards it. Shiv Khera, author of the bestseller “You Can Win” believes strongly that when one is faced with a problem, one can either choose to back away, or turn it into a purpose.

Each one is fighting a battle, almost everyday. And the most difficult ones are the internal battles. Because you can run away from situations and people, but you can’t run away from yourself. To win battles outside, one must fight their internal battles, thereby preparing for the external ones.

And the one lethal weapon that’ll help here is a positive attitude! And a weapon that could harm you is negativity. It’s a choice you make.

Sometimes, we hear people around us saying “be positive”, “everything’s going to be ok”. So is this positive attitude? Well, not entirely. A positive attitude is not about ignoring facts and faults. It’s about accepting all of that, while focusing on possible solutions. It doesn’t require you to be oblivious to the bad, but it requires that you still look for the good in it or at the least make the best of the existing situation. “God has a plan for you” sounds clichéd, however if we reflect honestly and deeply over past ‘unfavorable’ events, we could find some good emerging out of them over time. It is just that we need to reframe it in our mind.

When something goes wrong and people say – it’s all for the good; does it annoy you? Does it feel unrealistic? I mean, how can something good come out of pain? But more often than not, people have looked back and realized that, perhaps that statement isn’t completely untrue. Again, it’s the attitude at a trying time that’ll help us survive it. Developing an ability to focus on finding solutions rather than finding faults is a skill that’ll help you get through the rough patches in life.

Look back and revisit the past ‘bad’ experiences and discover what good came out of that. Visualize the last time you were down in the dumps, feeling miserable and concluding that things can never get better. Did that change? Did you overcome that? Now imagine if we just look at every problem with a whole different attitude. An attitude that lets us accept that there’s a problem, but at the same time, helps us sail through troubled waters with a little background music. Struggle is inevitable. But no one has said that we have to frown through the struggle.

The old saying sure does hold good – attitude is everything! Well, old is gold! Let’s return to mastering an attitude that can help overcome all barriers!

Ever tried on a pair of tinted glasses? Say green? Then everything seems to have a tint of green; the people, the things around us, everything.

Now let’s try and analyse at any given point of time in life, are we looking through the lens of fear or lens of love? Are we looking at everything negatively or positively?

“We are not responsible for what our eyes are seeing. We are responsible for how we perceive what we are seeing” – Gabrielle Bernstein.

We all see the same things, live in the same world and deal with the same people. But we all have different perceptions of the same. One is happy, one isn’t. One is angry, one isn’t. So where does the difference lie? Clearly in the lens through which one is viewing life.

Amaya Pryce, a life coach and author of “5 Simple Practices for a Lifetime of Joy” and “How to Grow Your Soul” conducted an experiment for herself.

She realized that she was perceiving herself as a middle age, lonely woman with almost nothing fun in her life. Stuck in a “boring” job, she felt like life was just slipping away.

And then as a part of the experiment, she decided to change the lens – the lens of love.

Her perception about herself changed drastically. She started focussing on things that she probably had ignored previously. She was thankful for the bond she shared with her daughter and for the fact that she had a job that could open up multiple avenues in the future. She focussed on relationships that were important rather than the ones that were amiss.

And then, everything changed for her. Nothing changed externally. Her life remained the same, but her perception had changed, urging her to feel positive. This proved to her the existence of two kinds of lenses.

She believes that this exists in everyone’s lives and it can be tried in different circumstances and with different people.

Pick certain people that are currently bringing in a negative wave of emotions in your life. Switch lenses and try to see the pros. This will not change the person or your relationship with him/her, but will sure change how you feel about the person and reduce the negativity around the relationship. This is not necessarily done to make things better with the person, but to relieve you of unwanted stress related to them.

This works great in situations too. Sometimes the worst of the worst situations don’t really have an immediate solution. But each one has an option of changing lenses. Instead of waiting indefinitely for a situation to improve, we’d rather don our lens of love and give it a positive spin immediately. And then we could maybe see that every cloud does have a silver lining.

It’s time we started feeling proud of all that we have done than fixating on all that we aren’t able to do; be grateful for that we have than mulling over what we don’t. It’s time to put ourselves in the “hero” spot rather than the “victim” spot and replace the minus with a plus.

So, let’s remember – LENS – STORY – FEELINGS.

Your feelings reflect a story and that will show you what lens you are looking through. And a change in the lens can change the perspective of a story and thereby help you feel better.

It’s easy to blame the situation and grumble as we wait for change, but it’s liberating to know that you don’t have to wait and things could change this very minute – just by changing the lens to the lens of love.

Every sunset brings the promise of a new dawn and every ending leads to a new beginning. So don’t fear sunsets and don’t fear endings; because for all you know something better is waiting for you.

Often, people find it difficult to accept that certain things have come to an end – be it relationships, jobs or phases. Change isn’t welcome but change is also the only constant. When it comes to jobs it’s easier to leave one behind and move on to another. But how do we handle it when we are to leave people behind and move on? It seems impossible. And which is why many often shy away from doing so and choose to stay in a dissatisfying relationship or job while harbouring resentment. ; because a rocky road is more appealing than a goodbye.

But the important question, what about in the long run? A fear of an ending could lead to life-long suffering in a toxic relationship or in the wrong job. Isn’t it better to rip off the band-aid, feel the pinch but later be introduced to a healed life, to a happier life?

This definitely doesn’t mean to say that every argument in a relationship is an ending. There are ups and downs in each relationship. But when the pain exceeds the happiness, one must acknowledge that the relationship has perhaps reached the expiry date. And when one is faced with a dilemma, it’s wise to pause, visualize your future (up to next 30 years of your life) in the same situation, then turn the focus inward and see how you feel. That could give you some insights as to if you have reached a dead-end or not. If the answer is yes it’s worth the pain of saying goodbye now and moving on to the next phase in life.

In the light of frequent suicides by teenagers and young adults, it’s essential to understand an ending to something in life is not the end of life. A relationship, an exam or a job is Lilliputian when compared to the magnitude of life. Unless one goes through the tunnel, how would they know there indeed is light at the end of the tunnel? Giving up mid-way isn’t either fair or the solution.

Some relationships don’t work out, some jobs aren’t meant for you and sometimes it just isn’t a good time. If something isn’t making you happy, end it! End the chapter and start a new one! But one must never shut the book! Because you wouldn’t know if something beautiful was waiting to be discovered in the next chapter.

Like they say, the darkest hour is just before dawn.

So what might seem like an END could only be the beginning to a new, and probably a better chapter.