10 things we want for AltPress’ 33rd birthday

It was 33 years ago today that Mike Shea put together the first issue of AP, armed with nothing more than a vision to unite the underground music tribes and a can of spray glue to fix columns and photos on pages to send to the printer.

Things have certainly changed a whole bunch since then, but the mission has always stayed the same: to keep discovering new sounds for every new generation to embrace.

For all of our hard work, we decided to make a list of what we wanted for our birthday. We’re not saying we’re entitled or even deserving. We’ve got 33 years of history, good times and baggage in our collective psyche. So instead of the usual fare of Starbucks cake pops, copious amounts of pizza or a hot tub the size of Jared Leto’s ego that we can populate with all our friends, we figured we’d aim higher and see what we could get.

We’re not above guilt-tripping or ramped-up belligerence. By all means, cue up “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want” (a great song and a reference to the first issue of AP) and send over some e-cards. And if you have any money left over, see if you can get us the following.

AP PARKING LOT CONCERT SERIES

We used to ironically refer to our office as being located in the “AP Skyscraper,” but many readers called us “corporate” without bothering to learn where our office actually is. (Remind us to tell you about the intern who arrived on their starting day, never got out of the car and turned down the position.) However, we do have a decent parking lot, and we’re pretty sure it would look better if we could fill it up with a shit-ton of decibels and great tunes. And food trucks. And Waterparks. And the Fever 333. And happiness.

THREE DOZEN OF DONUT FRIEND’S FINEST

One box can be a split of Touché Amolé and Chocolate From The Crypt. Let us celebrate with sugar!

A SECRET REUNION SHOW OF THE MAD GEAR AND MISSILE KID

Concert poster designed by Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance.

One maniac AP editor offered to put all of his furniture and worldly possessions into storage for 48 hours to have these under-recorded dudes play a larger-than-life house party eight years ago. The idea never came to fruition, so police never needed to mobilize (No medical emergencies). The offer still stands, guys. Wait: They never played live, so this can’t be a “reunion,” can it?

BLAQK AUDIO COVERING UNDERWORLDIn addition to being an awesome movie, Trainspotting had a kickass soundtrack that was in frequent rotation in our office back in 1996. The one track we could all agree on back then was British electronic unit Underworld’s “Born Slippy (Nuxx).” We know for a fact that Davey Havok and Jade Puget are big Underworld fans, and we can’t think of two better dudes to blast this electronic big-beat club anthem into the next century. Yes, it’s ludicrous to ask two die-hard sXe dudes to cover a track that’s marinated in drug culture, but we know the AFI gents could raise some consciousness about how fucking great life can be without chemical enhancement. Remember, “let your feelings slip, but never your mask.”

We love him in Alkaline Trio and blink, but if we could enter the office every morning and be greeted by some bold AF acrylic creation rendered by Matt Skiba, you wouldn’t be able to beat the smile off our faces with a ball-peen hammer.

A TWENTY ONE PILOTS COVERS ALBUM

From David Bowie to Burn The Priest (Lamb of God’s original moniker), all kinds of bands have paid tribute to their favorite songs and sacred influences. We know the world is champing at the bit for new music from Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph, but imagine if they just went into the studio for two days straight and banged out a four-song EP to soothe the yearning of the Skeleton Clique. Who would they cover? Justin Timberlake? Slayer? Leo Sayer? (Inside-joke shout-out to Pops Joseph on that one.)

AN EPIC COLLABORATION OF ALL YOUR FAVE BANDS SINGING “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” TO US IN A DOZEN DIFFERENT GENRES

Feel free to tell us who you’d want in our birthday choir in the comments section.

PEACE AND CONSCIOUSNESS

If you worry about poverty, guns, global warming, wage disparity, animal rights, creeping fascism and prejudice across creeds, colors and sexualities and you are 18 or older, please register to vote. Then get informed and use that power.

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Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun – known to the world as twenty one pilots – spent three years plying their existential pop to audiences all over Earth. The cumulative effect of touring the world and experiencing other cultures was crucial to not only the creation of their new album Trench, but for clearing new routes of consciousness Joseph had in his head. Ever wonder about the weather in Trench? How long the duo think they can go on? If they ever fight? Our 24-page feature includes tons of brand-new, gorgeous photos from our exclusive shoot.