Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Sometimes I wish I listened to my friends' advice, or at least accepted that hedonism is NOT the way forward...

I once again caved into the Scottish Earl's arms as he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. There is no fear of my heart getting broken for I do not care about him in that way, but rather I am beginning to despise my weakness of the flesh. I know that this is rather a contradiction to my love of hedonism in my previous post, but after being chastised by the priest after getting caught leaving the Scottish Earl's bedchamber, I am feeling a guilt that had long been forgotten.

There is no wonder that guilt has finally crept in, a Convent will do that to you. But it was the look of disappointment in the Priest's eyes, which made me wish the ground would swallow me up. I have been keeping my nose clean for the last few days, I do not want to give further cause for the nuns and Priest to have me removed, for though it is hard work and I have limited time for frivolities (of course I do find the time) I enjoy spending time with the children and watching their amazement of the every day.

I get to see Armiger tomorrow after many days apart and even my Ladies of the Shire. I can't claim to not appreciate the day of freedom, but I would love the opportunity to make it up to the Priest. I thoroughly dislike being reprimanded, even less so by someone whose eyes make my knees go weak.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I don't really know how to admit to the frivolities that occurred last night.

A nun's birthday anniversary passed and I was delighted to find out that the nuns and teachers were intent on having a little celebration! I thought exuberance would be frowned upon, but it seems they all enjoy a tipple as much as any lay-man, or indeed any Duchess!

Armiger joined us at the Convent as it has been far too long since we were in each other's company, both of us enjoying the chance to make up for the time we haven't spent together. The only other presence that gave me a little shock was the appearance of the Scottish Earl, though of course I should have expected him. We were courteous, abismally polite, but as the drinks flowed - I have a new found respect for the Church now - we were laughing and joking while Armiger whispered in my ear to be careful.

I have to admit that I was secretly pleased by the Scottish Earl's attentions. His letters convey none of the enigmatic personality that exudes from his dazzling eyes, though the Scottish Earl somehow still keeps his emotions easily cloaked. Dreadful of me to acknowledge these feelings, especially as the nuns were a little apprehensive about my flamboyant behaviour, but it has been so long since I had the chance to dress up and act extravagantly so I probably did push my luck a little more than I should have... I can't even describe the look on the priest's face!

Nevertheless, after a glass or two of champagne more than I should have, I let the Scottish Earl escort me back to my bedroom and after all his pandering I couldn't resist him any longer and lured him to my boudoir happily letting him have his wicked way with me.

I told him to leave afterwards, I couldn't have the nuns walking in on the two of us in the morning, let alone any of the children! But he called me the perfect woman, the twinkle in his eyes giving no hint of regret and I fell asleep without a care in the world. This morning though I was running rather late, and I had a few questioning glances from the nuns, but I am only in the Convent to teach the children. This isn't a spiritual journey and I believe that hedonism should be embraced... At least every once in a while!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I fear it may be said that I am not quite behaving myself...

I have just returned to the Convent as the children walk to their early morning lessons, with the Scottish Earl's private coach for cover. A spontaneous night that resulted in very few hours being slept and soon followed by a two day journey to the North!

My head is pounding but you shall be pleased to hear that though I spent the night with the Scottish Earl nothing untoward occurred... Even though his propositions, which are not something I could repeat here, were numerous!

I spent yesterday in the Capital drenched by rain, unimpressed with the entire trip, but it was the first time for many of the children, so with wonderful hindsight I can look back and laugh. Just about. The only perk of the trip to the Capital was the introduction to our newest priest... It is terrible of me to even think these thoughts, let alone write them down, but he is a beautiful man, there is no other word to describe him. I know it has become a cliché of late but truly, if he stays a man of the cloth it is a waste of a future happy marriage!

He is apparently going to move to the Convent where I am staying and I know it is unbelievably dreadful of me, but the thought of being in close proximity to his perfection fills me with the utmost desire. I wish working at the Convent made me think about God and the Church rather than the priest and what lies beneath his robe...

Speaking of the children, I have grown a fond attachment to a few of them, but in groups they are a nightmare! I was terrified of losing them in the Capital yesterday for they have no discipline whatsoever. We are supposed to instill the fear of God, but I haven't the heart to ruin their happiness after the turmoils they have already lived through.

My parents are on their way to take me up North. This journey is not going to be fun. I have a headache. But tomorrow there is a procession in my honour after living in the North for the last three years and it cannot be missed. I almost wish I could stay more than a single night but duty calls, the Convent calls. So I am off to ready myself after only three hours sleep, the faint stench of alcohol still on my breath, and pray that my parents do not pry into my fatigue, and my headache diminishes!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Well, my life has taken a little change for the unexpected.

I have moved into a convent, and have undertaken a governing position teaching children. Not something you'd particularly expect from someone of my stature, and though this may not be a life calling I feel that helping the children is truly a heart-warming decision. I have only been here two days so have very little to report, only that this convent is on the Scottish Earl's property, and he has already made contact, which under the circumstances is rather unacceptable. I haven't made any notion at all as to how I am going to respond to his attentions, but I feel that the nuns would faint at the very thought of the Earl making advances!

Three nights ago Armiger took me out again in Oxfordshire for an outdoor party with the equestrians. It was a delightful evening, with many games being played, but I did have to reprimand myself when I saw the boisterous seventeen year old...

I received a letter from the Gameskeeper and an invitation from Belle, but I fear that the Ball they are planning shall be within my time at the convent, something that I vowed I wouldn't abandon. I do miss them both terribly, in fact I miss all of my Northern friends, but no doubt I shall be terribly busy over the next few weeks so I do hope that will distract me from my melancholy.

I suppose I better return to my work. It is terribly early but already the nuns have awoken, chastising their sins since the break of dawn, something that I can't quite bring myself to do...

Thursday, July 07, 2011

What a busy week back it has been, barely the time to collect my thoughts!

I spent the weekend with Armiger, my Squire from France, who is useful in correcting my French, but whose sensibilities result in a refusal to indulge my whims, which can get a little tedious. However, he is a dear friend and knows the most delectable parties to go to, one of which we attended in Oxfordshire that was hosted by a few eminent equestrians. We twirled the night away laughing about nothing in particular and as the time came to say our farewells a rather boisterous seventeen year old stole kiss from my lips! It was terribly audacious of him, especially as he is the same age as my brother, yet though his impertinence made me blush I know he didn't mean any harm. Armiger found the whole situation most amusing, and promised me that I'd be invited to the next event, if I managed to behave myself!

After we'd left and were on what I thought was the journey home, I realised Armiger had failed to mention that we were going to take a detour. Apparently we were off to collect a Prussian couple, ferrying them to safe-house before they began their own journey home. I wanted to ask more questions but Armiger can be so stern, so I just accepted my predicament without so much of a peep. I have to admit that I slept through most of our travels, and had to apologise to the Prussian couple once we'd arrived at their safe-house for my rudeness, but they said it was probably for the best because it wouldn't have been fair to make me privy to the information they'd had to pass on to Armiger... My curiosity was piqued but I could tell that it was still inappropriate to ask any questions.

Once we were alone again I still couldn't find the words to express my interest, not without sounding like a petulant child, and there was something about Armiger's demeanour that silenced my tongue, not an easy feat I may add! The morning sun was high in the sky by the time I made it home, the house-hold only beginning to stir, but Armiger had disappeared before I could even thank him for the wonderful evening.

It took two days before I could recover from the festivities, and in that time Armiger never let me have a moment alone with him to ask any questions, and although I happily fill my life with frivolities, I did not quite have the gall to mention the excursion. It seemed a little too important for that.

So, to put my mind at ease and forget the entire incident - as I thankfully managed to do after the nude embarrassment in Iberia - I did what I do best; socialising with my darling Ladies and prestigious Lords of the Shire.

Lord Berkeley had a wonderful soiree a few nights ago and we all drank champagne, revelling in our achievements and laughing at the memories. Thankfully all this excitement has put Harlequin far from my thoughts, though having the Duke in attendance did nothing for my emotions. I was terribly impressed with the idea of an expedition to a menagerie the following day, and was delighted with all the animals! Especially as it proved to be the perfect distraction from any straying thoughts about the Duke, Armiger and the Prussian couple.

Since then I have returned home to my clothes still unpacked from my time in the North. It feels as if I'd be admitting defeat if I had them unpacked, for I fear it denotes that I shall never again leave the Shire. I know I am being silly, but I am young, I do not want to have to live in one place for the rest of my life. The Capital is calling and I yearn to answer with fervour.

Friday, July 01, 2011

I thought I'd have the opportunity to write a final post before I left the Northern counties, but here I am back in the Shire.

Bags were packed and miles were travelled to the countryside and a Shire that shall always be my home, thought I have to admit that the goodbyes were heartfelt and I hope I get to see my Northern friends in the near future. Being in the Shire has renewed my love for the green fields and I have spent the day with my darling ladies and wonderful friends reminiscing about the times we have had and the months we have been separated. Many meals have been organised, and I look forward to the feasts, and I may even try my hand at cooking!

The last few nights in the North were wonderful, if a little hazy. All that particularly sticks out is my realisation that I have feelings for Harlequin, something that I am going to have to ignore as we are now hundreds of miles apart. I heard from the musician and Belle who are enjoying their freedom and I wait expectantly for a note from the Gameskeeper, all of whose friendships I hold very dear to my heart.

To think that we are in the second half of the year is unbelievable, I cannot comprehend as to where the time has gone, but I know that I have memories I shall treasure forever. And as I read through my previous posts I recall the situation with the Scottish Earl whose advances need to be ignored, though in the dead of the night, that is a little difficult...