8. Pittsburgh. Penguins. Fuck alliteration. You sound like a high school team.

7. The CSKA Penguins. Does anyone remember this? The Pens went out and bought a stake in CSKA Moscow, only the most famous team in Russian hockey, and turned them into a walking joke. For any fan of the game's history, seeing the team of Kharmalov, the KLM line, Tretiak and Fetisov sporting that fucking ugly skating Penguin was a travesty.

5. The Penguins historically comical uniform choices include this, this, this, and this. That's not even half of the changes, in just 42 years of existence. Pick. A. Fucking. Uniform. That. Doesn't. Suck.

4. Play-by-play man Mike Lange was amusing in Mario's heyday, but now he's an uncontrollable geyser of stupidity thanks to a thousand appearances on ESPN and TSN top tens. "Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too"? Buy yourself a pistol and put us all out of our misery, for fucksakes.

2. Jaromir Jagr. The hair. The damn Jofa helmet with that hair. The fact that the Pens lucked into him at fifth overall and picked him with fucking awful, awful hair. The ridiculous luck of pairing Jagr with Lemieux (did I mention that fucking hair?)

1. 1975: The Pens creditors come knocking, since the team can't pay its bills. The fans aren't coming, the team is bankrupt, and just before the Pens are contracted or moved, a last-ditch effort saves them.1983: The fans aren't coming to see the league worst Pens, the creditors are chasing the owners, Roberto Romano is starting games in goal to tank in an effort to get Mario Lemieux. Amazingly, a last-ditch effort saves the team from moving a second time.1998: Despite having the talents of Lemieux, Jagr, Francis, Zubov, and others for the last decade, the Pens can't draw enough fans to the Igloo and start deferring player salaries. The team files for bankruptcy for the second time in their history, and (wait for it) only a last-ditch deal put together by Mario himself saves the team from moving for the third fucking time.

2001 and on: Still needing to cut costs, the Pens trade off Jagr, Alexei Kovalev, Robert Lang, Martin Straka and anyone else earning a major-league salary, plummeting to the basement a la 1983-84. The Pens end up picking no lower than 2nd for four straight years and end up with Marc-Andre Fleury, Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby and Jordan Staal to show for it.

So, to sum up: The Pens spend years struggling, the fans stay away, the team almost folds or contracts, the fans rally for a few years and fill the building when the high draft picks lead them to glory. Rinse. Repeat. Congratulations, you bunch of front-running fuckheads, you're the Florida Marlins of hockey!

Like the one time when my hockey team won a playoff game against the Pens in our home rink and some stupid Pen-bitch told me to stop cheering after the game finished(because I was loud). I didn't pay effin $100 (300 level, I'm poor) to have some stupid Pen fan tell me to stop cheering in the home rink of MY team. I hope I broke her ear drums.

"1975: The Pens creditors come knocking, since the team can't pay its bills... The Pens end up picking no lower than 2nd for four straight years and end up with Marc-Andre Fleury, Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby and Jordan Staal to show for it."

I like to think of it as accepting nothing less than greatness from your team.

Next time the Habs come within reach of the stanley cup, lemme know. otherwise, you really shouldn't complain about any team but your own. if you cant agree with that as a fan of hockey in general than somethings wrong. fix your own team, no need to bash others. unless they are the flyers. fuck those dbags.

I am from Pittsburgh and I will agree that we have had won the lottery with our draft picks in the past and been extremely lucky in the past. I am a Pens fan but I do see both sides of it. Yinz gotta understand that we were a very small market who have fans that only support a winning team and most have very little to no hockey knowledge, and are simply trying to jump on with the team when they are winning. Don't ever ask a Pens fan any hockey history questions that did'nt involve their 2 early 1990's cups or they will problably give you a blank stare. People were giving tickets away and their was little to no interest in the team until we lucked out getting a bunch of great talent and now tickets are so expensive, filled with snobby buisnessmen looking for the new hot ticket in town and taking the seats up because they can afford to. The are fairweather fans who only cheer for a winning team. I am grateful to see so much talent play up close. There are still fans whether we win or lose who sit thetr all day trying to get tickets, Mark Andre-Fleury gives out pizza and tickets every home gameto fans out there all day. They appreciate the fans and don't think that all us Pens fans are ignorant and take this kind of talent for granted, we appreciate seeing good hockey and helping our team stay in Pittsburgh. Plus their is a new interest in playing youth hockey here and even the Pens practices are packed. We know the history of the Habs and the original 6 and the Great teams yinz had. My relative Harry Lumley is a Hall of Fame goalie and have relatives all over Canada who think the same about the Pens. Understand most of the true fans can't afford outragious ticket prices so who you meet at the games problably just bought their Crosby jersey and aren't true fans of hockey but maybe interested. We haven't earned this type of talent but maybe one day we will get to where yinz respect The Pens and our fans the way we do about The Habs.

About Four Habs Fans

The Four(-ish) Habs Fans are four(-ish) Habs fans. Three are from Montreal, though one of those is now stuck in the middle of the Red Mile. The other somehow grew up a Habs fan in the middle of Ontario Cottage Country, and now lives in Hogtown. Some of them are lawyers, so they are opinionated, and may or may not be assholes.

HabsFan29 is a lifelong Montrealer who decided the Four Habs Fans' email exchanges about the Habs were just too stupidly amusing and occasionally intelligent not to share with the world. The 29 is for the greatest (only?) Goalie-lawyer-PM candidate ever. He would like his mom to know that his meth habit is overstated on this blog for comedic effect.

HabsFan4 paid tribute to one of the finest gentlemen to ever don a Canadiens sweater. His legacy as one of the pioneers of the Gangsta Rap movement has always been understated. His Jaro posts will be recalled fondly by all.

HabsFanForever33 aka Panger is a Montrealer in Exile currently residing mere blocks from the Red Mile, yet whose passion for all things Canadiens has only embiggened with distance. HFF33 worships at the altar of St. Patrick. Panger still gets chills recalling the moment he met the greatest goal-scorer of all time, The Rocket. HFF33 is a life-long Habs fan, except during the Houle-Tremblay Era, when Le Club de Hockey Canadiens was dead to Panger.

HabsFan10 grew up watching Le Demon Blond on Radio-Canada with his unilingual English Dad in a WASPy little town in Maple Leafs country, at least until the playoffs each year, when he got to hear Danny Gallivan and Dick Irvin because the Leafs played on opposite nights (if they made the playoffs at all). Rick Middleton and Cam Neely sometimes haunt his dreams. He thinks Thurso, Quebec should be declared a national historical site. If you aren't sure what the 10 in HF10 stands for, you're on the wrong site, buster.

All mind-bogglingly warped Photoshop work courtesy the warped mind of GoldenGirl11 a.k.a. LukeyNussbaum11. All stripperrific vision expressed by contributors through Photoshop are solely those of the individual writer and do not reflect the opinions of GG11, a card carrying feminist, although she's sure that they are the opinions of her four sons even if they don't care to admit it.

moeman born in l'Estie'd'Québec, was baptized Maurice because well his Mom, seeing his beautiful dark locks and glaring eyes knew he'd need a namesake, actually it was his Mon Oncle Yvon that CHristened his Habstism, deep in central Ontario no less. He took life's circuitous route and blessed his own son with the name Patrick in 1993. He also has a gorgeous daughter but she's a Sens fan, so, meh. moeman loves women, wine, song, women, Habs, his kids, women, iOS Apps, hockey blogging women and women. His other passion, he hates the leaf. He also loves women.