I Thought “Doing” Meant “Living”, But Guess What…That’s Not True

If I were to count these fun little blurbs and put them in order, this would be the fourth post. I have been told by my amazing web design taskmaster that I need to write my tush off, and I had major writer’s block on this installment.

I started to write about the fact that I am dating again and then I thought, what is my problem? Who wants to hear about that? I am using E-Agony and at one point tried Lach.com. What’s in a name? I think that sums it up.

I am a life path number 4.

For those of you who don’t know what that means, you take all your birthdate numbers and add them up. Reduce by adding the double digits and there you go.

As an example, my birthday is March 9, 1972. Add them together, 3+9+1+9+7+2=31. 3+1=4. It’s fun and can give you insight. Whether you agree or disagree with the description, there is usually some learning opportunity.

4 is a powerful number for a few reasons. There are 4 elements, 4 directions and 4 seasons. I imagine a chair or a table with 3 legs and it is not as stable as one with 4 legs. 4 is steadfast and drawn to balance and assurance.

I did some reading about the trusty number 4 for this post, and a few other choice descriptions came up. Dogged, stubborn, direct and unremitting, to name a few.

My first thought was, Stubborn? I AM NOT STUBBORN! I am determined and head-strong. I try very hard to make sure I know what I want and how I feel before I take in another perspective. I am the authority on me, no one else.

I used to think taking care of everyone and making the money was how I would meet Peter at the pearly gates. I was sacrificing what I really wanted for the sake of a balance. It was everything but balanced. A real modern day martyrdom with built in resentment and all. I thought I had it all together and then I let go.

So began the unraveling, and quick! It’s the toilet paper roll going down the hallway. You can try to roll it back up but it will never be the same. I worked so hard to keep everything going. Tax returns, a pristine house, good income, managing investments and on and on. It wasn’t worth a hill of beans in the end because I wasn’t doing it for me. I was doing it so I could control my environment and be in charge.

I thought “doing” meant living. Guess what? It will never work.

Our intentions are what matter most.

I had to do some deep soul searching about why I had it all and felt empty.

This is the work, people. The big stuff.

It is so easy to write and say, and the most difficult thing to achieve. Who is to say if it is ever achieved? It is about keeping that precious heart space open.

When we are living for ourselves and our highest purpose, we are able to help so many people.

If you are not happy with your life, what do you need to feel your best?

If I have said it once, I have said it a million times, or four to be exact, we must live for ourselves first. It is then and only then we can give everything we have. Being selfish and stubborn pays big dividends.