Saturday, January 9, 2010

18 weeks

The screen saver.

A closer look.

Yeah. 18 more weeks to THE exam.

I guess it just seems so near now that we are already in 2010. Back then in 2009, it seemed a bit far away.

I had a case presentation the other day, and I would admit, I haven't been presenting well lately. Sometimes I have a problem on understanding what the lecturers want as an answer. I just couldn't comprehend. But I could still work on that problem.

When I presented the other day, I got scolded badly. And when I said badly, it was like real bad, like a tsunami hitting the ocean bad. Seriously.

Despite that, I guess, all my clinical years in medical school so far has taught me well enough to not break down in front of people even though I feel that my heart is being broken into a gazillion pieces by the biggest hammer ever. Putting up a brave front is pretty hard to do when the lecturer is dissecting my very sentences, to the very words I used to describe the case. But I guess it's all for a good reason. To prepare us to be better doctors.

She then said something like this "All of you are doctors until proven otherwise. That's why I would treat you as that."

I never really thought it that way before this. I thought we are medical students until proven as doctors. Maybe that's the problem. I keep on being stuck on thinking about how to pass exams and all, when I should look at the bigger picture. I should look at how to save lives, and how to prevent deaths. All the knowledge gained today is to be useful for my whole life. Everything taught by the lecturers are to help me make decisions when I'm stuck all by myself in the ward and an emergency happens, and all the decision making is made by me.

18 weeks left. The very last semester, the very last lap to run before the race ends.