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A to Z Theme 2016

For my 2016 A to Z theme I used a meme that I ran across on the blog of Bridget Straub who first saw it on the blog of Paula Acton. This meme is a natural for me to use on my memoir blog. It's an A to Z concept and it's about me. No research and nothing complicated. I'm given twenty six questions or topics to discuss that are about me.

In April I kept my posts short and uncomplicated. In the midst of it all you might learn a few things about me that you didn't previously know.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

In the Back of My Mind (#atozchallenge)

With as many blessings as I've had in my life and so much support from family and friends, you'd think I'd be bursting with confidence. But I've often had my fears. There were many times I've felt alone. Times when I didn't think I'd do good at the things I was supposed to do. Things usually turned out well for the most part. I would fear failure, but I'd almost always succeed if I pursued something. It's just that sometimes I just didn't try to do things because I was afraid.

Good grades came relatively easy for me and my teachers liked me. I was a good kid and never made much trouble. In college I took a bit of a turn for the worse, but it was a rebellious time in the early seventies and I was not particularly thrilled with college anyway. Not that I was trouble, but scholastically speaking I was a bit lackadaisical. And I lacked focus.

Once I entered the world of work I was back to my milieu of succeeding. In the first job I actually got on my own (without my father's influence) I was immediately hired as assistant manager. I was placed in positions of trust and well-liked by the other employees. I masked my lack of confidence in my abilities and gained the confidence of those who had hired me.

That was basically my job history from then on. I almost always ended up in a management position and in the cases were I didn't it was because I had turned down management offers. I guess I should have been super confident in everything I did, but still I was scared. What if I failed? What if I got fired?

Too bad marriage and relationships aren't more like jobs. You never really know absolutely what the other person is thinking. Of course my wives didn't know everything I was thinking either I suppose. I'm a big believer in openness and good communication. But showing fear often displays weakness when it's the fear of what can happen in a relationship.

When it's over for good you can replay everything and question your actions. I reexamined every conversation I could remember, every look, every action. I don't know that many good answers can be found when it comes to thinking about things that happened in moments in the past.

What has already happened has happened. What's going to happen is going to happen. I'm only human. Certain fears will always be in the back of my mind. Let them bug me, but I can't let them rule me.

Do you often have insecurities? Have you lived a blessed life? Do you ever see yourself as somewhat neurotic?

I have every Beach Boy album ever produced and have been to more concerts than I remember and I don't know this song. That's pretty scary. I have been blessed my whole life and I am grateful. I am no longer insecure and I don't have any doubts. Maybe it's because I'm old enough to have acquired some wisdom. Life isn't always easy but I don't worry about tomorrow. Great post and thanks for sharing this piece of music.

I can appear confident when I need to, and even feel confident more often than not. But it's funny how the littlest things will make me feel insecure, usually for no valid reason. In the end, though, I can't let them dictate my actions.

I have a habit of rerunning conversations as I drive home from work, meetings etc just to assure myself that I have reacted appropriately. Insecurities plague most people whether they admit it or not.Great post.

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My Story

A juggler of words and phrases. My main blog is Tossing It Out. The focus blog for the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge can now be found at a-to-zchallenge.com where updates will be posted until the event in April begins.
Wrote By Rote is about memoir writing.
A Few Words is my Sunday contemplation blog.
A Faraway View is about dreams. Pick what you like or look at them all. I love blogging!