After my usual dance class, I’m chatting with my friends at Jamba Juice about a girl who doesn’t wear a bra to class. Then, my friend Shannon brings up “party nipples.” What’s that? Apparently in college, before going to frat parties, her friend would flick her nipples so they’d pierce through her shirt and call them “party nipples.” Besides picturing a chick repeatedly flicking her nipples in the mirror, I also had 2 other thoughts:

– If you’re out and spot a girl with erect nipples, that bitch is ready to party! Sure, when a girl brings her titties out to play, she’s looking for some attention. But when a girl invites her nipples to the party? She means business. This weekend, go hunting for Party Nips!

– Isn’t it funny how nipples are what define boobies? If you think about it, the primary makeup of a breast is the mass tissue around the nipple. However, without nipples, it’s not a certified boob. Think about it, if you were playing Pictionary and drew two dots side by side, some perv will scream out “Boobs!” But if you drew two empty circles side by side, some nerd would scream out “Venn diagrams!” Another example: on TV, censored boobies are always just covered nips. As if we don’t see the nipples, we’re not actually looking at tits, so it’s OK. And moreover, it’s female nipples that are considered more inappropriate than male nipples. I was watching Dr. 90210 where this man was getting surgery to become a woman. Before the surgery, they showed him with his bare chest. Then after the surgery, they showed his transformation but censored his nipples because he was a woman. Thus, his new “woman” nipples had to be covered. In reality, they were the exact same nips as the one in the before shot. I guess producers think we’re all fucktards and can’t figure that out.

Anyway, how’s that for some Friday food for thought? As we head into the weekend, I leave you with this infomercial for a breast shaker that supposedly increases breasts. A Chinese product called “Top Charming”, of course. And if you can understand Mandarin, the commentary is beyond amazing. 2:27 “I’m 20, but I look like I’m 12.”

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