Random Acts of Respect

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with the social media site Reddit. Sometimes it’s the greatest place in the world; other times it’s like the bad old days of monitor courage and USEnet sewage.

One of the better places on Reddit of late has been the category (or “subreddit”) called Random Acts of Pizza. Here’s how it works. Let’s say you’re hungry and are craving a pizza. You simply say, “I’m looking for a pizza to nosh on tonight,” or something like that. Eventually someone might send you a pizza. They could send you the codes from a Pizza Hut gift card, or they could contact you and ask what local pizza place delivers to your house; they’ll call the pizza place, pay for the pie, and knock knock who’s there it’s the delivery man with some cheezy goodness.

I’ve given pizzas in the subreddit before. I don’t give every day; and I don’t have a set pattern of who gets a pizza and why. One person received a pizza because they announced that they were students at Clemson University. Another person got gifted because they just got a new job and wanted to celebrate. Other times, I’ve asked someone to tell me a funny joke or draw me a nice picture, or to just tell me something nice because I was in a sour mood. I don’t have to give. But I do give.

That’s why the other day I saw something in the Random Acts of PIzza subreddit that got me angry.

Very angry.

WIRED Magazine recently published this “how to guide” on getting free pizza from Redditors. WIRED’s story involved suggesting that people join the subreddit and come up with the most pitiful sob story imaginable. If that doesn’t work, then contact the subredditors in that group and ask if they want to trade pizza for whatever dirty adult images you’ve trawled for on the Internet.

See, it’s stuff like this that subverts what the group is trying to do. They’re trying to offer random acts of kindness to strangers, for no other reason than to do something nice. This isn’t the online version of “Queen For A Day,” the 1950’s game show where someone tries to come up with the worst life story in order to win cash and prizes.

Trust me, there are plenty of visitors to Random Acts of Pizza who will use the following credo – “I have one dollar and eighty-seven cents. That is all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies. Please, I’ve lived on ramen noodles for three weeks and I don’t get paid till next Tuesday. If I don’t get a pizza in the next day, I might not make it to pay day. Please help.”

And if you want to give a pizza to that person, then feel free. But that’s your choice. That’s the “random” part of it.

But don’t try to game the system by coming up with fake ID’s just to get a pizza. Or to come up with the most pathetic sob stories just to get a pizza. There’s rules in the subreddit to block out fakes and phonies, and there are tips on how to avoid scammers and poachers (if you say that you’ll give a pizza to “ilovecatsandpuppies” and someone with a screen name “ilovecatsndpuppies” contacts you for the pizza, chances are that the contactor is a fake with a hastily-crafted screen name to intercept your kindness for another person).

The idea of Random Acts of Pizza (and some of the other “Random Acts” subreddits) is to do nice things and feel good about yourself. To offer a friendly turn, with no reciprocation other than maybe a “thank you.”

Hell, maybe we should all find out how to get free WIRED subscriptions. Perhaps we can come up with some sob stories of our own. Maybe these will work.

“My parents left me this 386 IBM PC with a telephone dial-up modem, I could use a one-year subscription to WIRED and make my life better.”

“I’ve only got USB 1.1, please help a brother out.”

“Is there life beyond bulletin boards and FORTRAN? Help me Wired!”

“I’ve been trying to log into my Prodigy account for the past ten years and it’s just not working. I swear I typed the password correctly. Please, WIRED, I beg of you!”

Hey, WIRED – next time, why don’t you try handing out a few pizzas or something and feel good about it, instead of trying to offer everyone the opportunity to “gimmick” the system and exploit loopholes for your own benefit.

Idiots.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the store and pick up a gift card or two.

That’s my choice. And I do it for my own reasons.

Not because WIRED wants to teach everyone how to exploit and undermine the kindness of strangers.