Tag Archives: Love

Post navigation

It’s funny how God always gives us the answers we need instead of the ones we want. Right now, there are many things in my world that are causing me great distress, and I have earnestly prayed for clarity in all of them, waiting for God to answer me. I have been coming to Him with the right heart, but I didn’t know I was asking the wrong questions. Instead of providing clarity on all my situations, He revealed to me what I needed in order to hear His answers, and in doing so, He answered the one question I wasn’t even asking: “How do I find clarity on HOW to get clarity?”

When we are walking through difficult circumstances, knowledge is not always power. Sometimes we end up knowing things we really shouldn’t know. When others share information or details about things going on around us, even if the information is correct, it will almost always color our opinions of those situations. Our opinion or perspective can be deeply affected by knowing what other people think or have done. I’m not advocating for sticking our heads in the sand, but I’m saying that sometimes the phrase “knowledge is power,” couldn’t be further from the truth. Knowledge can actually be destructive, especially to our spirits. The deciding factor on how knowledge affects us is actually found in the source of that knowledge. If it is knowledge of God’s word and what He wants from us in the way we live and treat others, then that knowledge is absolutely powerful. On the other hand, if it is knowledge about what someone else has said or done, we are in danger of being swayed. Most of us want to know the details of all the situations around us, especially if they are “juicy.” We try to rationalize this thirst and hunger for details as a way of helping us make better decisions. Sometimes we even claim it helps us to pray better, because we can pray more specifically. Really? Do you really think that an omniscient God doesn’t already know all the details? Trust me; He certainly doesn’t need you or me to fill Him in on them.

In my situation(s), I keep praying for clarity on what I’m supposed to do. What is the solution? Am I supposed to stand firm? Am I supposed to walk away? I just want to know which way to turn, because I don’t have that direction yet. I don’t want to do something I’m not being called to do, so it stands to reason that my heart would be searching for answers. But what do we do when those answers don’t seem to be coming?

As people of faith, there is an endless number of quotes, verses, statements and sentiments we use for ourselves or share with others when difficult times hit us. It’s not that these sentiments or statements are worthless, but often over time, they seem to lose something. As Christians, it’s sometimes easy to find ourselves just going through the motions. We know what to say and when to say it. We know what to do, and we may even do it, but something is still missing. We feel frustrated, discouraged and disappointed but keep pressing on because that’s what we’ve been taught to do. After all, isn’t that what God WANTS us to do? Aren’t we supposed to persevere and keep walking in faith no matter how we feel? Well, that’s where the disjoint has been happening for me lately. How do I know when God is trying to move me into something else or asking me to persevere exactly where I am? Little by little, I found myself inching closer to that question I really should have been asking all along.

When we are truly seeking the right direction in our lives or circumstances, we go through a process of discovery. We ask and ponder and sometimes even drive ourselves crazy trying to wrap our hands or heads around a plan that will work. Our hearts can be in the right place, but the fog hanging over it can make it confusing, so we pray and consider all aspects of our situation. For me, that consideration can actually bring up more and more feelings of discouragement and frustration. Those feelings can then lead me to a place where I am ready to change direction or make decisions based on how I feel. When we arrive at these places, we need to ask ourselves, “Do I feel called somewhere else or to something else, or am I just frustrated, bored, disappointed, etc.?” If our response to that question is that we are frustrated and such, then it’s time to step back. Being frustrated and disappointed is very different from being “called.” I know because I’m experiencing it in my own life, and yet God has been quietly whispering to me, answering the question I wasn’t even asking:

“How do I get clarity on HOW to get clarity?”

Self-reflection is one of the most difficult things we can do in times of frustration or discouragement. As humans, we are outward‑looking people. It’s much easier to look at what someone else is or isn’t doing than to be honest about ourselves. The more frustrated we get, the harder self-reflection becomes. As a result of this truth, I realized I needed to step back and ask myself these questions:

Am I doing everything God asks of ME to do?

Am I loving radically?

Am I forgiving radically?

I know we often look at the word “radical” as somewhat of a bad word, especially in churches, but how did Jesus command us to love each other? And how are we commanded to treat each other? We know the answers to those questions. They are simple answers, and yet so difficult to put into practice because we are human. We get tired of loving, forgiving and serving others when we get nothing in return from them. Sometimes in the middle of my discouragement, I am reminded of how often Jesus must have felt the same way. When I shared this with my husband recently, his response was, “I’m not Jesus. I’m not divine.” Although I completely understand the sentiment, it isn’t an accurate one. We ARE divine. My mind and body may not be divine, but my spirit is! As believers, we have the Holy Spirit living within us. Our spirit is HIS spirit, so we truly are divine in that one area of our own trinity (body, mind, spirit). That means we CAN love and forgive radically, but we choose not to because it’s so hard to overcome our human nature. It’s a battle, and we are always going to fail here and there because we aren’t perfect! I often feel like the apostle Paul – I don’t do what I want to do and I can stop doing what I don’t want to do!

Where is your heart? Where is mine? Is it in the right place? For example: How do you react if you plan something for the right reasons, and no one really shows up, even though it was something you felt God wanted you to do? If you truly feel it’s the right thing to do, and nobody shows up, I can assure you the emotions of disappointment and discouragement will wash over you. I’ve been there even recently, and it can be heartbreaking and frustrating, but that doesn’t mean we should let those feelings affect what we do next. That’s much easier said than done, because we usually start drawing conclusions as to why some people didn’t show up. That’s not how we are supposed to be! We aren’t supposed to be judgmental, and when we are caught up in our own opinions, then we are missing the essence of what God is asking US to do.

Our actions can certainly be evidence of our commitment or the commitment of others, whether it’s to our family, church, jobs, or anything else. Talk is really cheap, but we need to remember that actions can also be deceiving. We’ve all had times where we remained committed to our responsibilities long after our heart was no longer in it. In these cases, it gives the impression we are committed, but the truth is we are just going through the motions. It’s no different than those who constantly talk about being committed but won’t ever sacrifice or, as the saying goes, “put their money where their mouths are.” Our service to God in EVERY area of life is between us and God first. Only we can determine where God is calling us or in what manner He is asking us to serve. Our responsibility is to Him first, and if we want to have clear direction, we must keep our priorities in order. Like most of us, I need to humble my attitude more. It’s easy to feel pious or like a martyr when we feel like we are the only ones doing all the work. And guess what? Sometimes you ARE doing all the work. When that’s the case, it’s easy to fall prey to that mindset, but then we are letting our emotions take over. God tells us that whatever we do should be done in love. Period. (1 Cor 16:14) That also means if I am serving, it shouldn’t be out of obligation, and it shouldn’t matter what others are or are not doing. What matters is whether or not I am doing things from a heart of true love, forgiveness and service.

We naturally want things to be fair in life. What we don’t consider is who determines what is “fair” and what is not? God has commanded us to drop our own attitudes, even if they seem warranted and realistic. It’s ok to feel angry, disappointed, discouraged and frustrated, but God tells us to let it go! We know it’s true, but I sometimes act like a whining child and think, “Why do I always have to drop my attitude, but they never have to drop theirs?” Have you ever felt that way? Well, God’s response to that question is, “You drop it because you are mature enough to know better.” Ugh – if that doesn’t hit you in the heart, I don’t know what will. Sometimes the reason God asks so much of us is because we know better. He asks more of us because we are more spiritually mature. After all, to whom much is given, much is required. Go read about the concept of the “weaker brother” in Romans chapter 14, and consider that for a moment. Sometimes being right isn’t always the right thing for us to do. It really does all come back to love, but instead we sit and complain about fairness. I have news for you, until you are hanging on a cross with people spitting on you and torturing you to death, you don’t have any right to complain that it’s not fair that you have to treat people with love and kindness in spite of how they treat you in return.

Look, we are commanded by God to love each other as He loves us! We are commanded to forgive each other as He forgives us. If we want clarity, then living as God has instructed us is not an option. I can assure you that my heart is in the right place when I am asking God for clarity and wisdom in my own situations, but I’m not always approaching things with the right attitude either. Doing so causes confusion that clouds my ability to have clarity. Have you ever been close in your relationship with God and been asking for him to provide direction but then get confused when He doesn’t seem to be answering? Do we think that He doesn’t want us to know what to do in life? That’s ridiculous, but it’s essentially what we are saying when we get upset that we can’t see or hear His answers.

All communication involves a sender and receiver, a message, feedback and noise, but it’s the noise that comes into play here. Noise is anything that interferes with the clear sending or receiving of a message. If you are on the phone, it could be static. If you are in a crowded room, it could be the sound of all the voices around you. If you shine a flashlight into the dark, it could be a tree that gets in the way of where you are trying to shine it. You get the point. Right now, for me, it’s not my situations that are causing the noise that’s clouding my ability to be confident in where God is leading, but rather my attitude toward them. If I keep saying to myself, “I am doing the right thing, and I’m going to keep doing the right thing, but it irritates me that I have to keep doing the right thing,” then I am displaying an attitude to God that He never wants to see in us as His children. Others may not see it, but He does and he knows. The reality, if I’m truthful, is that I am making my own noise and then wondering why I can’t discern the direction God is already providing for me.

When we are faced with situations we don’t understand or are wondering why God doesn’t seem to be listening, we need to step back. When we are trying to discern whether or not God is pulling and drawing us toward something else, we need to make sure we aren’t squinting through a fog trying to guess what or where it is. When we know there are things God wants us to do, but refuse to do them because we don’t like them or think they are fair, then we are turning up the noise that prevents us from hearing what He’s trying to tell us. If we will simply start loving radically and forgiving radically, regardless of what anyone else does, we can start to clear the fog. When that happens, I can have far more confidence in the answers to my questions. It’s definitely not easy to do, but it is the truth, nonetheless. Clarity in the details can only come after we have clarity on the bigger picture.

When we start doing the things we know for certain that God wants us to do, and then we ask Him for clarity in the detailed situations of our lives, He will give it. If I’m serving, loving and forgiving radically wherever I am, and still feel God pulling at me to move, then I can have peace in the certainty of that direction. The truth is most of us don’t want to do those things because it isn’t easy, and it isn’t fair by our standards.

So if you are like me, and are currently struggling for clarity in your life, then maybe it’s time to take a deep breath and remember God is not hiding His will from us. He takes no pleasure in making us guess at what He wants us to do or in us trying to solve our problems by trial and error. It’s not that He is waiting to answer us; it’s that we need to clear the noise so that we can hear Him more clearly. We need to clear the fog of pride, discouragement or frustration that is making it difficult to see where He is leading. We simply need to get our eyes off the raging sea and look to the One who has shown us exactly how we should treat each other. And then if He moves us on, we can do so in love rather than in frustration and discouragement.

Jesus was radical! He loved people even as they were mistreating, mocking, abusing and rejecting Him. He continued to love them in spite of who they were, and He does the same for us. He forgave everyone, over and over, even though they didn’t deserve it. He didn’t question their sincerity, or put conditions on His love or forgiveness, and He didn’t drag grudges around with Him. As a result, HE had perfect clarity on how to approach the situations in which He found Himself. He had clarity on what to do, how to do it and when to do it, and He followed that call regardless of His own emotions.

We may not be perfect, but if we will become as radical in our love and forgiveness for others as He was, then the fog will begin to clear. As it says in Proverbs 3:6, “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” We can’t cherry-pick the areas in which we follow and then expect Him to make the path clear to us. He just won’t do it.

It’s amazing what we learn when God answers the questions we never thought to ask.

Yes, I did it. I went and saw Beauty and the Beast last night. Nope, I’m not going to hell because of it. Now that we have THAT out of the way, I felt compelled to share some things in light of all the recent controversy. I realize my thoughts may not be echoed by “Christians” who have taken a stand against this movie and have flooded social media with their calls of boycott, but hopefully it gives most of the people who read this an opportunity to step back and think for a few minutes.

Beauty and the Beast is an iconic Disney movie. It’s a classic and has been loved by so many people around the world. Like most things “Disney,” it is very family-friendly. When information started coming out about quotes the openly gay director of the new film had made regarding Christianity/religion, and how he was thrilled to have a “delicious” exploration of a characters sexuality, the response was swift from Christians everywhere. It wasn’t just swift, it was venomous. Arguments broke out, there was weeping and gnashing of teeth over the downfall of such a family-friendly company who was “catering to the LGBTQ community.” I get it. People were upset; but they were upset at something they had yet to see with their own eyes. Man, this happens with us “Christians” all the time anymore. I am not advocating we, as people of faith, give up our principles that are founded in God’s word. I’m just asking us to take a good look at the hypocrisy in which we far too often live our lives.

I admit, when I read quotes from the director of the movie, I was disappointed and even angry. I had already bought my tickets and had really been looking forward to seeing it. I momentarily contemplated whether or not to go and made the decision to go ahead and see it for myself. I am not one for succumbing to “hype” nor do I believe Disney was “catering to a particular community.” Let me just say this about that last thought: would these same people say that Disney was catering to the African-American community when they did Princess and the Frog, or that they were catering to the Asian community when they did Mulan? Of course not. But some would say this is different because this situation involves religion and faith. Disney has never shied away from embracing people of faith. As a matter of fact, the first weekend of December every year, Disneyland does a beautiful, faith-filled presentation of the Christmas story. There is a candlelight parade of choirs singing traditional CHRISTIAN hymns of the season. The parade ends on Main Street at the train station, where the choir assembles as a guest celebrity then begins to read the Christmas story directly from scripture. It is not paraphrased, but read directly from the Bible. The only pauses come here and there for the choir to perform another song that fits that part of the story. My sister and I just happened to be in the park years ago on the day it occurred, and it is an extremely popular event that is packed with people. Even though Disney is a family-friendly company, we were actually quite shocked by it. It was refreshing to see a company not only embrace, but present an event for Christmas that was drenched in songs of faith and verses from scripture. It was expressly “Christian,” and they make no apologies for it. So when I heard the accusation that Disney is somehow catering to the LGBTQ community in this film or trying to purposely offend Christians, it doesn’t square with other things I know about them. Disney is inclusive; they always have been. We, as a Christian community, seem to really value and appreciate that until they are inclusive of those values with which we disagree.

I entered the theater last night wondering where the offensive behavior was going to present itself. When was this “openly gay” character going to go parading across the screen in full regalia, wearing his banner of “delicious sexuality?” Interestingly, it wasn’t there. There were no overt references, no kisses, no shoving of opinions down my throat. What I saw was a beautifully made movie. I will not spoil the “big, gay moment” at the end, as some have called it, but will say it is the furthest thing from that assessment. Is there a moment? Yes. It is offensive? No. Could it as easily have been interpreted as a funny moment rather than something else? Yes. Shoot, Fried Green Tomatoes had more moments that could have been interpreted one way or another but you didn’t have some outrageous boycott of that movie. My point is, the few comments of a director who does not value our faith is what blew this up. As usual, we are picking and choosing when to be outraged and when we don’t think twice about it.

If people want to protest, boycott or trash this movie or Disney, they certainly have the right to do so, but you better be sure to protest and boycott every other company or product that goes against your values or promotes things with which you don’t agree. Do any of you drink Starbucks, own an Apple product, eat Barilla pasta or have eaten Frito-Lay chips while drinking a Pepsi Co. product? Then you need to put them down right now! Drop the Doritos and hit your knees! (5 Companies going above and beyond for the LGBTQ community) By the way, I hope none of you put Chevron gas in your cars either. How many of you/us watch TV shows that portray premarital sex? Do you watch shows that portray lying, cheating or stealing? Do you watch or read things that portray gossiping, overeating or getting drunk? Let’s just get real here. Do you? I’ll even go further. How many of us actually engage in those behaviors ourselves? Yeah, we don’t want to answer those questions. We’d rather pick a “sin” we don’t engage in and blast everyone about how terrible they are for engaging in it or supporting it. Then we turn around and lie, cheat or gossip about others. Better yet, we refuse to forgive someone or love others as Christ loved us. After all, loving others is a commandment directly from God (Matt 22:36-39). No wonder people in this world look at us and say they want nothing to do with us or our God. The truth is, we don’t reflect Him. They can’t see Him in us because we are too busy being modern day Pharisees. We show our righteous indignation over some things, but then not over others. We choose certain footprints of Christ in which we will walk, but refuse to walk the PATH He walked. We are inconsistent, and believe me, the world sees it completely!

Should we stand for our beliefs and values? Absolutely! But I guess it’s time we look closely at those beliefs and values, because what we say we believe and what we ACTULLY act upon are usually two very different things. We teach that God is no respecter of persons but then turn around and treat people differently based on certain criteria. We teach that God loves everyone and so should we, but turn our noses up at those who we think don’t deserve our love or forgiveness. We teach that lying is wrong, but we lie. We teach that anything in excess is a sin but we overindulge in food, drink, exercise, watching TV, working, and the list goes on. We teach obeying the laws of our land, but then exceed the speed limit. We teach abortion is a sin but engage in premarital sex. We teach the truth but so often refuse to LIVE it, and then wonder why churches and people of faith are appearing more and more irrelevant. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this one out!

Here’s the bottom line: If we are going to call ourselves “Christians,” then we need to act like Christ. You remember Him, right? He was the one eating with the criminals and loving the unlovable. He was the one reaching out to the sinners engaged in all kinds of reprehensible behaviors and offering them forgiveness, love and hope. He was the one condemning the religious people of the day who went around acting holy for the sake of being seen. Remember Him? He shattered religion. He lived in perfect accordance with His word and spent more time with the “sinners” than the “saints.” If He was walking the earth today, Christianity – the religion with Him at the center, would reject Him, shame Him, destroy Him on social media, and then do everything they could to silence Him. We are the Pharisees and we need to realize that following Jesus means letting go of our pride and spiritual arrogance and live from a place of love and compassion. And we need to live it consistently. Jesus called the Pharisees a “generation of vipers.” God help us to not reach the point where He says the same of us. We are dangerously close to being those same snakes that stood in judgment of the sins of others instead of their own.

It’s time to take the beam out of our eyes before we go hunting for splinters.

Like this:

Our society places a lot of value on beauty and outward appearance. We think nothing of having work done (or of others having work done) to try and circumvent the effects of aging, and yet we are paying less and less attention to how we look on the inside. We are losing our ability to be civil and courteous, and nowhere is this truth more apparent than on Facebook and other social media sites. Over the past 6 months or so, I have been spending less time on Facebook and much of the time I’ve spent was, or is, hiding posts from people on ALL sides of varying issues (political or other). My tolerance for the intolerance shown by so many people on so many subjects has really worn thin. Before I go any further, let me just say that if you think I’m one of those people who just wants to stick their heads in the sand and not care, or are not willing to be engaged in thoughtful or even passionate discussion, I can assure you nothing is further from the truth. I choose to be very engaged, just not online.

These days, there is turmoil all around us. For one thing, the recent election cycle in our country has really taken a toll on most people and some people are very concerned – some for the same reasons and some for very different ones. Then we look around us at other divides caused by different belief systems (whether religious or not), and it seems we are in a constant state of disruption and disagreement. I have news for you: It has always been this way! We think our debates are deeper or more enlightened. We think the consequences are greater. Guess what? Every generation from the beginning of time has thought the same things. And yes, people have always fought (and disagreed) passionately over what they believed. From the beginning of time, there have always been people who were nasty and mean when trying to prove a point or argue a position, but it was different. They didn’t have access to instant communication with the entire world! We are bombarded with opinions and even mean-spirited lies about different positions or events. We have instant information when something happens, and sometimes that information is not always accurate. That’s part of what is wrong with instant news. Stories used to have time to develop before everyone heard something and reacted. We’ve seen many stories that turned out not to be as they were originally portrayed, but it was too late to stop the reactions or public opinion – even when the facts finally come out. On top of that, there is so much “fake” news that now exists for the sole purpose of stirring people up, or even worse, slandering or attacking them.

We live in a world where we can fire off our opinions immediately online, almost with impunity. We no longer have to resort to picking up the phone and calling someone to discuss something. We don’t have to wait until we are “around the water cooler” or face to face with someone before we throw out what we think. There is something very valuable about waiting before we speak or give an opinion. It gives us time to rethink HOW we want to give that opinion or state that comment. We have lost our civility, and it has only escalated the meanness and fueled the fires of anger and hate. Then we start choosing sides and refuse to listen to anyone who disagrees. It’s true in our government as well as our own lives. It needs to stop, but there are days when I fear we are too far gone.

Online we lose so much of what makes us human. We lose tone, facial expression and body language. We lose accountability, and most of all we lose the trait of being courteous. It’s easy to be rude when you don’t have to look people in the eye. It’s easy to tear people down (including those we claim to love and care about) from behind a computer or phone screen. There are no bounds to what people say or how far they will go to destroy someone who thinks, believes or lives differently. As I mentioned earlier, even if we do not actively engage in the arguing, it is affecting us. Even though we think we are ignoring it, we still feel its effects. Think of it this way: If you were in a room of people where the noise level and arguing (or fighting) was that loud, you would most likely leave even if you had an opinion that you wouldn’t mind discussing civilly. Most of us would condemn the behavior we were witnessing and refuse to be part of it, but social media is different. We’ve turned differing opinions into blood-sport. We don’t care if a news story is real or fake; we use it as a weapon to go after people who disagree with us. We’ve become more rude and intolerant as we hide behind our devices. And that goes for ALL people of ALL beliefs and opinions. We don’t walk away from people who are rude or aggressive anymore, instead we devolve into them ourselves. We forget that we are talking to human beings, and instead treat each other like animals. We are bullies. We are arrogant and insensitive asses. We devolve into everything we say we aren’t or that we preach against. We watch our friends tear each other down and just sit there. We think, because we don’t read or react to the garbage that rolls through our feeds, that it isn’t affecting us. But it is. It wears on us until we finally crack. I’ve fallen victim to it on several occasions myself. “It” being that almost uncontrollable urge to fight back or snipe back at someone who is being unreasonable or, God forbid, wrong! I’ve given into it on occasion, but it has almost always come with regret at some point.

The truth is, Facebook has become Face-less book. We see photos but not each other. We’ve become social voyeurs. Voyeurs see others as objects and have no problem victimizing them as a result. We, ourselves, have become less human and yet feel more entitled at the same time. Everyone screams about intolerance, yet everyone IS intolerant. Why? Because it’s easy. Because even though we might love the people in our feeds, we feel faceless to them too. The old saying that “character is what you do when no one is looking” is very true. People sometimes ask, “What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t get caught?” The answers are always interesting, but we are actually living in an age where we have created places where we think we can act like Neanderthals because we can’t be touched. And then we wonder why our relationships (personally or professionally) are suffering. We are so used to letting words fly out of our mouths without thought for others that we’ve started doing it in our real lives. It was bound to happen, and yet we never saw it coming. I see people who should be leaders acting like children, or even worse, teenagers whose only concern is being part of in the “in” club. I see people snickering in corners about fellow workers, family members, church members or friends because their minds are being trained to think it’s normal to behave that way. Just like we do on social media, we are watching it even if we aren’t actively participating. And just like on Facebook, it is affecting us whether we want to admit it or not.

So why does it matter? It matters because we are conditioning ourselves in ways that are harming us as individuals and as a society. Our “real” lives are in turmoil. We hear of tragedies almost daily where someone has attacked or even killed others. We hear of relationships of all kinds falling apart and everyone is more concerned with blaming each other and making sure they are the one who comes out “looking good.” We watch kids bully and be mean to each other but then whine and cry when someone does the same to them. We wring our hands and wonder why this selfish behavior has become so common, but we refuse to look in the mirror and admit we are part of the problem. Whether we are actually fighting or being a voyeur, we are part of the problem. We are more and more desensitized which makes us less and less self-aware. In our “real” lives, we are becoming quicker to point out others who are being rude, offensive or a host of other negative traits while not seeing our own.

I said earlier there are days I fear we are too far gone, but there IS hope! We actually can change, but we first have to want to change. There is a passage of scripture (James chapter 4) that affected me very deeply the first time I read it when I was a teenager. The entire chapter is great admonition as to how we should live, but it ends with this verse: “Therefore, to the one that knows to do good and doesn’t do it, to him it is sin.” We forget that not doing the things that are right and good are just as sinful in God’s eyes as doing all the wrong things. It’s time for us to stand up for what is good instead of defending our positions. It’s time for us to “think on these things” that are “true, honest, just, pure, lovely and of good report.” (Phil 4:8) We must remember that our hearts and the hearts of others are not protected behind a wall of perceived immunity. We are ALL humans. We are all imperfect and we all are tempted to get caught up in the drama with which we are constantly bombarded. Instead, let us hold each other close in heart. Let us truly love each other instead of tearing each other down. Let’s purge our social media feeds AND our lives of the things that continually remind us of how we are different we are and start looking at how we are all the same. Yes, it’s time for a “face”lift of a different kind, so I will leave you with this: “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)

Gossip. We’ve all been victims of it, and we’ve all been perpetrators of it. We hate when we hear someone has been talking poorly about us and it might even anger us when what is said is untrue. There’s a great lesson in the old game of “telephone” where one person whispers something to the person next to them, and then it is passed along through the line or circle of people and then spoken out loud at the end. Rarely is it even close to what was originally said, which often brings great laughter. Sometimes the morphing of the statement happens simply from people misunderstanding a word here or there, and sometimes it happens because someone deliberately changes a word or two just for the “fun of it.” Either way, it is a great reminder that whenever we hear something second, third (or even further) hand, we need to be very careful in how we react to it.

There’s a reason the Bible has so many verses about the need for controlling our tongues. The problem most of us have is that we often try to force bringing it under control through sheer will. We say or think things like, “I am just NOT going to say anything! I’m gonna stop it because I know it is not God-honoring and it’s just not good to do.” I’m not saying it doesn’t work sometimes to do that because there are certainly times when we have to just power through and force ourselves to stay on the high road in a given situation. That being said, it is not our nature to take the high road, and the only way we can conquer our natural tendencies is through God’s help.

Lately it seems this subject has come up more and more, whether it is at work, church, family or other relationships. I think we go through seasons where it just flares in all areas, and we watch the destruction that it can cause when people “share information” with or about others. (In case you didn’t know, “sharing information” is just a nice way of saying “gossiping.” LOL) Anyway, It struck me this week how important it is for us to go back to that one first and foremost commandment that we love God above all else and the second that we love others as ourselves. I have shared often about the characteristics and nature of love as it is described to us in the Bible, and one of the traits that came up for me recently is where it says it “believes all things.” That means it believes the best in people regardless of what is said. It means you choose to believe the best about those you love, and when gossip hits your ears about something they may or may not have actually said about you, then you choose to believe it was a misunderstanding. If I love you and esteem you better than myself, I won’t fall prey to spreading gossip about you or taking gossip I hear about you to heart.

It can be hurtful when you hear things about yourself or others that may or may not be true. As Christians, when this occurs, we sometimes say the best thing you can do is to follow what the Bible says about confronting someone who has offended you. Although that is a great passage that we should adhere to for personal offenses, it’s interesting when it comes to gossip, we don’t get offended at the person who is telling us. Instead, we get offended at some other person down the gossip chain. We misplace our sense of offense, and then have this inherent drive to “set the record straight.” As a result, we use the offended brother principle and say, “If someone offends me, then I need to go to him or her alone (not tell everyone else) to resolve the issue. Although that is true, it is meant for direct offense, not a perceived offense based on multiple levels of hearsay. The truth is, it shouldn’t matter to you what you heard about what someone else has said; what matters is what transpires between you and someone else directly. We do not have a right to go to someone based on hearsay. We also don’t have a right to be angry or offended based on hearsay. When you really think about it, if we are going to be angry and offended when we hear gossip that upsets us, maybe it should be directed at the one who shared it with us. But then again, everything we do should come back to love as it is described in 1 Corinthians chpt 13.

As I mentioned earlier, if I love you in the manner God has instructed me to love, and someone else tells me that you said something mean, nasty or untrue about me, I will choose to not believe it. Until God reveals otherwise, I will believe that something has been misunderstood or misinterpreted along the way. And if I don’t do that, then I’m not really exhibiting love at all. I know there are some who will disagree with me when I say this, but we don’t have a right to be angry, set the record straight or even clear our names. We don’t need to try and root out the source of the gossip so we can confront it. We need to simply leave it up to God, and the truth is we don’t like that one bit! It goes against our nature. The way we stop tongues from wagging is to simply not be one of them. And when something is said, we should respond with something like “I’m not comfortable hearing or discussing this unless that person is here to defend themselves.” That holds true whether we want to agree with the gossip or not. It’s easy to believe the bad about a person (or their intent/motives) when their personality rubs us the wrong way. Even as Christians, we tend to always believe the worst in each other. We may start out believing the best, but then something happens that we disagree with, we just stew about it. It’s just so much easier to believe the negative. And, truth be told, a lot of times we actually take pleasure in it. That should never be the case! We need to remember that we need to guard and control our ears as much as we need to guard and control our tongues!

Telling tales (true or not) is one of the most destructive aspects of life. And whether we are the one speaking or listening, we feign innocence. We feign concern. We do it and then use those things to cloak our gossip instead of calling it what it is. It doesn’t make it any more innocent to say we are sharing it because, “Somebody ought to know.” It doesn’t make it any more honorable to say we are just seeking someone from which to get information on something we did not happen to witness personally. Well the truth is, God already knows what has occurred, been said and/or done. The question is: Do you trust Him or not to take care of things? I’m not asking what you SAY, but what you practice internally. We all answer that question with a resounding “Yes,” but then don’t act accordingly. When you boil it down to these types of questions, it can really hit you in the heart. I know it certainly has for me.

This life of faith – “kingdom living” – is a higher calling, and if we are not going to rise up to that level, then we need to stop calling ourselves Christians. I’m not saying we will always be successful, because we will fail. We will fail miserably because our emotions will get in the way. We will fall prey to the enemy’s advances in our lives through our tongue and through our ears. It is time for it to stop. It is time to stand up and truly love in the way we are commanded. Because when we don’t, we are out of fellowship with God. It is not a feeling; it is a choice. It isn’t important what someone else says about you or what you may have heard about someone else. What is important is that when we engage in gossip or any other unloving behavior toward each other, God no longer hears our prayers because we now have unconfessed sin in our own lives (Psalm 66:18; Isaiah 59:2). The only way we can break through the deafening barrier of our own sin is by confessing it to God and asking for His forgiveness, which he has promised to grant every single time (1 John 1:9).

Genuine love is not easy. If it were easy, there’d be a lot more of it. Love requires sacrifice. Most often, more than any other type of sacrifice, it is our pride and our “justice gene” that needs to be sacrificed on the altar. It is the nature that compels us to prove our innocence, or sometimes to prove someone else’s guilt, that needs to be sacrificed on the altar. Brothers and sisters, it is time that we come together. It is time to lay aside our perceptions, anger, and the incessant need to be right or to hold onto things that the enemy uses to attempt to divide us. We need to live and love as God commanded us to do – even when we may feel we have been wronged. Trust me, God can and will settle all accounts.

So as for me, it is my renewed commitment to be constantly striving to love as God expects me to love and forgive as He expects me to forgive. For me, it is a renewed commitment to believe the best in my brothers and sisters (and even non‑believers), whether at home, church, work or anywhere else. We need to do it with our spouses, children, family, friends, coworkers , etc., and yes, even with our enemies. There is no such thing as “partial obedience” when God instructs us to do something. It is pretty simple: either we obey or we do not. Let’s get back to weeding our own gardens instead of trying to weed each other’s. Let’s take the log out of our own eyes before trying to remove the splinter from someone else’s. And let’s quit finding creative ways to rationalize our behavior when it does not coincide with what we SAY we believe or KNOW is true. I call you to join me. I call us to action. Because through love, we are truly unstoppable.

Blessings!

ps – some great reminders…

Ephesians 4:29 – 29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

James 1:26 –26 If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless.

James 3:9-10 (In regards to the tongue) – 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.

Like this:

Hate. Anger. Turmoil. It seems we are surrounded by it constantly these days. We could attribute it to recent tragedies or the political season, but I think it’s more than that. We are a rich country. I’m not saying everyone is rich, but even the poor in our country have access to more food, shelter and services than many other places. Here’s the thing about prosperity: It’s easier to have more time on our hands, and when we have more time, we have the choice to think about the blessings in our lives or all of the things that are not as we would like. We have more time to think, and yet our thoughts don’t always rest on what the Bible tells us in the book of Philippians: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise – meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Instead, it seems our thoughts go to those things that are more selfish and divisive.

In our country, we’ve endured a long period of time in which a very strong focus was placed on noticing and appreciating our differences. As a result, we have gone to great lengths to point them out more and more. Maybe it is race or heritage, lifestyle or political beliefs, or a host of other things, but we’ve focused on continually highlighting what is different about each other rather than pointing out what is the same. Diversity (in all of its buzzword glory) has been celebrated and our sameness has been ignored. The problem is that when we see ourselves as different, it becomes much easier to judge or fear, or to be angry and lash out. So as a result of our nation’s prosperity – the prosperity our parents and grandparents worked so hard to secure for us – we have had more time to nitpick and tear each other apart. We have celebrated our differences so much that now our differences are most often the only thing we see. The beautiful thing about God is that He doesn’t see what we see when we look at each other. He doesn’t see what is on the outside (and I am not referring only to our appearance); He sees our hearts. Unfortunately, I think what He now sees disappoints Him more than we can probably imagine. After all, He suffered and died for every single one of us regardless of our race, heritage, preferences or even our sins! To Him, sin is sin even though WE like to pick and choose which ones He disapproves of the most. Of course, it’s never the ones with which we personally struggle, but that’s a blog for another time.

I am a white, conservative, heterosexual Christian. I also have friends and loved ones who are of all colors, religions, backgrounds and creeds. I love them all equally. I may have more in common with some, which leads me to spend more time with some, but I do not love them more. As a result of my perspective on love, I have some very deep and meaningful relationships with people that others may not understand. Some would even say I should not have these relationships based on my own “classifications.” What a load of crap! I would not turn my back on those relationships simply because we have different opinions or perspectives. Even the people I encounter and find extremely difficult to even tolerate (let alone love), I am still to love them. Loving as God has commanded means that I will love others and see them as God sees them. And in God’s eyes, they mean so much to Him that they are worth dying for! Do I always succeed at that? Sadly, I do not. Like many of you, I struggle to not get caught up into the anger that comes as a result of one side or another (on any issue) becoming belligerent, uncaring and unloving – even if I might agree with their actual position. Everyone likes to point the finger at others and say they are the “judgers,” but everyone shares that trait in common! Everyone is a hypocrite at one point or another. As a result, we end up living lives that are not abundant. We stress and fight and get tied up in knots internally over the issues that face us, while at the same time God is looking at us saying, “Come unto Me all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matt 11:28) God wants us to rest! He wants us to rest because resting from our labor should be refreshing. When we get quiet, our minds should turn to Him and to a true reflection of ourselves – not the image we try to portray to others.

The truth is that if I am honest and understand exactly who I am, then it doesn’t really matter who you are. Let me explain. If I’m focused on my own relationship with God and what I need to adjust in that relationship – whether it is to ask for forgiveness or to be more committed or love more purely – then I will not be focused on what you are doing in your relationship with Him or others. If I am going to try and love the way I am commanded to love, the only way I can succeed in doing so is if I am keenly aware that without Him I can do nothing – without Him, I am nothing. That isn’t meant to be a self-depreciating flagellation; It is a reality that I did not and do not deserve His love, mercy and grace, yet He gives it freely and continually. I should be keenly aware of that fact – without any rationalization of who I am, the impure and sinful thoughts that I have, the words that I say, or acts that I commit. If I am honest with myself and recognize how imperfect, and even hypocritical, I am, then I won’t see you as less than me. That’s what love is.

After the recent Orlando tragedy, there are a lot of “love wins” quotes once again being circulated. I realize that phrase has been used for one particular cause, but the reality is that truest love DOES win – the love of 1 Corinthians chapter 13 DOES win! It wins because it will cause us to be honest with ourselves and take off our masks so that we can see ourselves for who we are. It allows us to face the truth of Matt 7:3-5 that says, “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

So in light of recent tragedies, and tragedies that are certain to come over the course of time in an imperfect world, love wins. In light of a political season that is filled with hate and anger from both sides of the aisle love wins. In light of selfishness and meanness, love still wins. Why? Because loving as God love will allow us to not be first and be perfectly okay with it. It will allow you to forgive, even if no one ever says, “I’m sorry.” Love will allow you to treat others with compassion – even those with whom you disagree – and trust God to sort it all out. It may not be the way we want, and it may not be in the timing we want, but my responsibility is to “do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly before my God.” (Micah 6:8)

After all, God didn’t say it was an option. He didn’t say, “Love the way I do if you feel like it.” He said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” (John 13:34). And if you aren’t sure what that kind of love looks like, then I would encourage you to take the time to read 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

Recently, people of faith all over the world celebrated the resurrection of their Lord and Savior. They celebrated the God who loved us all so much that He was willing to take on a human body, suffer more than anyone has ever suffered, and die the most horrible, unspeakable death for us because He loved us and wanted us to be free. You’d think this would inspire these same people of faith to try to live more closely to the teachings of the One in which they have put their faith, but that doesn’t always happen.

Recently, I listened to a member of the clergy speak publicly with such venom and hatred for people who were different, believed differently, or God forbid, were “them old sinners.” When it started, it was almost humorous, because it seemed almost like a caricature of what the media portrays Christians to be. But as I continued to listen, humor turned to surprise, then to disappointment and finally to disgust. All I wanted to do was to shout out, “You are the problem!” Because the truth is that God loves ALL the world and every single person in it. He loves those we would classify as “good” as well as those we would say are “bad” (eg. Hitler, Bin Laden, Manson, etc.). It makes no difference who you are, because in God’s eyes we are all the same. No matter what we do or engage in, or how we choose to live our lives, He loves us with everything He has. In John 3:16, we are told that “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him, will not die, but have everlasting life.” And then it also tells us that “God demonstrated His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). He loved everyone while we were still rejecting Him. He loves us before we are “cleaned up.” He loves us so much that He died for us WHILE we were rejecting Him. That’s pretty amazing!

In today’s society, there seem to be more attacks on Christianity, but the truth is we bring much of that on ourselves. If we weren’t so bitter and mean, maybe it would be a little different. If we discussed our beliefs from a heart of love and lived the way Christ wants us to live, maybe so many people wouldn’t be so angry. Make no mistake, Jesus told His followers that the world hated Him and as a result, they would also be hated at times. (John 15:18-25). So rest assured there will always be opposition to Christ and those who follow His teachings, but my point is that Jesus was about inclusion, not exclusion. Jesus was about love not hate. He never spoke with venom. He never screamed at people. He wasn’t about pride; He was about humility. He wasn’t about condemnation. He wasn’t about prejudice of any kind. He was about love. And yet I sat there listening to this clergyman shouting loudly and passionately how proud he was that he was raised knowing that abortion is sin and that “homosexuality is an “abomination!” (Yes, that is a quote!) He shouted about how we all need to “hold fast to the doctrines of our fathers!” And inside, I was screaming, “NO, we don’t!!” What we need to do is to hold fast to the truth of God’s word, not simply what our fathers or grandfathers taught us, or even what we have heard out of the mouths of pastors. We are to hold fast, true and strong to the truth of God’s word, not man’s. God has promised that if you seek the truth, you will find it, and you may even do so without a preacher. I know that statement will be considered heretical to some people, but it is God who reveals the truth to you. A preacher (or anyone else) can only share scripture and live an example before others, but if you are seeking the truth and you ask God to reveal to you what His word means, then He will. We must study His word to gain knowledge, but the wisdom and revelation associated with it is a gift. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all generously and without reproach.” (James 1:5)

Every person’s relationship is between that person, God and no one else. Do our spiritual relationships affect other people? They most certainly do, and to hear such passionate ignorance delivered in such an unloving attitude – and to hear people actually cheer out loud – was one of the most disturbing things I have ever witnessed. God is love, and to sit there listening to someone who claims to be one of His representatives shout in ways that declared certain types of sinners were less holy than him, made me sick to my stomach. We are ALL sinners and equally guilty and I kept thinking of the story in the Bible (Luke 18:9-14) of a very religious man that was similar. In a nutshell, this religious, faithful, church-going man prayed out loud so everyone could hear him, “Oh thank you God that I’m not like these other people! I thank you that I’m faithful. I thank you that I follow you. I thank you I’m not like these robbers, evildoers or other terrible people like this man over here!” The other man he referred to had been standing a distance away by himself and wouldn’t even lift his head and look up toward Heaven. He beat on his chest and cried out, “Oh God be merciful to me because I’m a sinner!” Jesus said it was the SECOND man that was justified and honored. It was the terrible sinner (in the eyes of the religious man) who GOD recognized and honored. Every time I hear a Christian speaking from a place of prejudice and anger or hate, I think, “How is it possible that people can’t see why their churches are dying?” People wonder what’s wrong and wonder what they can do or what program they can start to get people to come. We try all kinds of things. We keep trying to make people want to come and worship with us, and the biggest thing we are missing in all of it is love.

Why are our churches dying? They are dying because of US! They are dying because we don’t love and forgive as God loves and forgives. They are dying because of men like this who stand up and scream against one particular sin or another. They’re quick to shout about homosexuality, abortion, drunkenness or drugs, but they don’t shout about gluttony or selfishness. They don’t shout about the person who overeats or is a workaholic. They don’t shout about the person that gossips, which to me is one of the most divisive and damaging sins of all. They only shout about the things they haven’t done as if that somehow makes them holier than those who have done them. And then they look down on those people as if to say, “If you will come crawling over broken glass and hot coals to Christ, then you can be saved, but you’ll never be as good as me.” Like the mob in the Disney movie, the battle cry of many Christians is, “Kill the beast!” when our battle cry should be, “Love them to death. Love them above all. Prefer them above all. Love as God loved!”

We hear all the time, “Hate the sin but love the sinner,” but God does not give us permission to hate anything or anyone. We are supposed to forgive the sin and love the sinner. THAT is what Christ does. As people of faith, there are certainly things and behaviors we should not engage in, but there isn’t one perfect person on this earth. And the moment you start thinking more highly of yourself than you ought (Romans 12:3), you will fall. If someone is engaged in something that is wrong or harmful, then it is our duty to talk with them to help them understand God’s word and the forgiveness in it, but not out of condemnation. We are to do it (and everything else) out of genuine love. I can think of nothing more wonderful than a church where everyone is truly welcome. We need places where anyone and everyone are welcome to come and learn the truth of God’s word. We need places steeped in neither legalism nor emotionalism, but steeped in truth – truth spoken from the most loving hearts. Apathy is not killing our churches, hate is. Apathy is not what is causing former Christians to turn away and say they want no more of church as an organized religion. It is hate and meanness that is causing it, because no one has experienced more Christian hatred than those sitting in the very same pews of the very same churches.

As I sat in that room recently, listening to hatred and condemnation being spewed, I saw in my mind’s eye, picket signs, megaphones and people shouting “Onward Christian soldiers marching to war!” When what I really longed for was a very different battle cry – one that says, “Come to me. Love your neighbor. Love as I have loved you. Forgive as I’ve forgiven you.” We must remember the battle is not between people of faith and atheists. It is not a war between good people and bad people. It is not a war between us and “them old sinners,” because you see, WE are “them old sinners.” It is a war between me and myself. It is a war between who we are and who we should be. We must stop spending so much time crucifying everyone who is different or those who may disagree with us. We must start tending our own garden and pulling our own weeds instead of mowing down crops we don’t think should exist. We need to simply turn our own hearts to God instead of trying to turn someone else’s, because we CAN’T turn someone else’s heart to God. Only GOD can do that. All I can do is to live my life the way Christ would have me to live, and that means to love and forgive above all else. It means to stand firm on the truth of His word and not just what my parents taught me or what preachers have said from the pulpit. I must stand on what God himself has revealed to me through prayer and study, by verifying for myself those things that someone else has said.

There is a Christian battle cry today and it is ignorant and idiotic. It is bitter, hurtful and mean. It is condemning, and Jesus was never any of those things. We need to start loving more. We need to stop hating the sin but loving the sinner. It is time to forgive the sin and love the sinner. That’s what we are called to do. That should be our true battle cry.

I pray that all of us, especially people of faith, will have our eyes and hearts opened to the truth that love builds bridges. Love tears down walls. Love allows people to listen and softens them so it is easier for that “still, small voice” to touch them. I pray that we will finally stop trying to scream the truth and just simply start living it.

In this season when so many people are celebrating love, I can’t help but think of how far we have strayed in our society from the true meaning of it. I’m not just referring to all the attention being given this weekend to a very different twist on affection, but in the general materialistic way in which people have come to approach love and what it means. I have always been a “lover not a fighter,” and have always loved with my whole being. I don’t know how to love any other way. The love God placed in me for the people around me is so big that it is difficult to contain – and that struggle for containment has plagued me for most of my life. A love that is genuine and pure is something that seems to be more and more lacking in our world. We’ve drifted so far from the truth of what love is that we don’t just have shades of grey, but a grey fog of misunderstanding.

So what is true love? It is something that has become almost unrecognizable today, however, the Bible gives us the definition in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. The interesting thing about it is that nowhere does it mention a warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you are attracted to someone. It is all about commitment and action, and involves things that often do not come naturally to us. It isn’t about chocolates and flowers, or special dinners and romance. Are all those things wonderful? Yes. Do they sometimes come out of true love? Of course! But if we use these things as our indicator of whether or not someone truly loves us, then we will find ourselves often disappointed. If we depend on big displays of affection to keep us convinced we are loved, then we are going to spend our lives searching for the next “sign.” If we really want to understand love, then we must look to God’s word for the very base of it. If we do, then we will begin to see what love really means, and the contrast it provides to the superficial nature of what the world has created it to be. We are to love as HE loved. That isn’t always easy, but just because it is difficult doesn’t mean we can tweak it and change it to fit what we think it should be. God IS love, and I’m positive He knows exactly what He is talking about when it comes to the subject. He gives us a complete picture and explanation of it; and He didn’t need 50 shades of anything to get His point across. He, instead, used only 15.

15 Shades of Love

Love is long-suffering. We don’t use this term much anymore, but it means to have (and show) patience in spite of troubles. It means to endure without complaining. Obviously, this is not something that comes naturally to us. As a matter of fact, we say things like “Don’t pray for patience because you’ll just get trouble in order to teach you!” Patience isn’t just the ability to wait for something, it is the ability to endure provocation, annoyance, trouble or suffering without complaint, irritation or loss of temper. How often can you say you have truly been long-suffering or patient with someone in your life? Oh, we endure things, but we certainly don’t act the way love would in the same situation. Love doesn’t complain. It is simply steady and even-tempered.

Love is kind. Most of us know what it means to be kind. Being kind means we have a desire to help others that comes from a place in our heart of goodwill. It isn’t about being nice so that people will think highly of us, but rather being good to others even when they do not deserve it.

Love doesn’t envy. How many times have you seen someone with something that you wanted and it made you feel upset or angry? What about when it’s something you’ve desired and even prayed for over the course of a long time? Do you resent the fact that someone else got it? Are you able to feel truly happy for someone who has been blessed – whether it is materially, in a relationship or on the job – or do you sit back and think about how much you DON’T have? Envy cuts to our heart and leaves us feeling discontent with regard to someone else’s advantages, successes or possessions. Love will never be resentful, but will genuinely be glad for someone else’s blessings.

Love isn’t inflated with pride. It isn’t constantly saying, “Look how great I am!” When you love someone, you don’t do it so that other people will think you are wonderful. True love doesn’t worry about getting accolades for what it does. It simply does them.

Love doesn’t act inappropriately. Love isn’t rude or doesn’t act in ways that are insensitive to others. It is well-mannered. So the next time you start to do be rude to someone you claim to love, you might want to step back and think.

Love doesn’t seek itself or its own desires. It doesn’t insist on having its own way. Do you have a spouse, significant other, family member or friend that you say you love? Do you ever find yourself insisting on doing things your way? It doesn’t have to be an overt or even external push for what you want over what someone else wants. It can also be the tactics we sometimes use to get our way. Maybe it’s the silent treatment or maybe its tears, but it comes from a place of simply wanting what we want. It isn’t easy to look at it that way, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Love isn’t easily provoked. How quickly do you find yourself wearing your emotions on your sleeve? Are you touchy? Love is not reactionary. It isn’t easily annoyed or flares up at the slightest irritation.

Love thinks no evil. Love doesn’t keep track of the evil done to it. It pays no attention to the times when it is mistreated or taken for granted. It doesn’t keep a list of all the things the other person has done so that you can use it in an argument later on.

Love doesn’t rejoice at injustice or wrong-doing. This sounds like an easy one to say we don’t do, but what about when injustice or wrong-doing happens to someone after they’ve been mean to us? We want people to “get what’s coming to them,” and often rationalize the fact we are happy about the hurt they are experiencing because “they deserved it.” Love never celebrates wrong-doing, no matter how karmic it may feel.

Love rejoices when truth prevails. Again, this one sounds simple on the surface. Of course love rejoices when truth prevails! Ok, so how about if the truth is painful? Have you ever had someone you love accurately point out one your faults (gently or otherwise)? Did you rejoice over the fact your weaknesses were suddenly out there in the open, or did you get angry and start pointing out their faults? Love rejoices not only when the truth WE want to be revealed is revealed (or wins), but it rejoices when the truth revealed is inconvenient or painful to us.

Love bears all things. It holds up under all things that come. Bearing something means to carry it. Love is strong! No matter what happens, genuine love remains steady and carries the weight. When someone we love is hurt or sick, love gives us the strength to take care of them. It holds up under the pains of life that come to all of us. It also bears the weight of the hurt we feel when we are not loved the way we think we should be. It continues to stand strong through hurt feelings or terrible circumstances.

Love believes all things. This doesn’t mean love is stupid. It means it is ever ready to believe the best in someone. Love isn’t cynical. Love chooses to always look for the best in a person, to believe the good things in them because every person has redeeming qualities. Love looks for the redemption and not the condemnation in a person. Love doesn’t listen to gossip and it doesn’t take part in tearing someone else down. Love continually works to build people up. It points out what is right with them instead of what is wrong with them. Instead of constantly looking at all the ways someone we love lets us down, it searches for the things he/she does FOR us. It believes the best in someone always.

Love hopes all things. In other words, its hope never fades – even under the worst circumstances. This kind of goes hand in hand with believing all things. Hope is an expectation, not a wish. Love expects things to turn out for the best. It looks forward to the future with desire and reasonable confidence that it is going to be not only okay, but good! It doesn’t look ahead in time and start looking at all the ways things are going to come apart. It doesn’t say things like, “That just won’t work,” or “there’s no way to do that.” Love is an optimist! Love is not depressed. It looks ahead with great confidence that everything is going to be well, no matter what the current circumstances may look or feel like.

Love endures all things. It does so without weakening. Love is steady and enduring, no matter how the storm rages or the wind blows. Love doesn’t run the moment things get difficult. It will continue to stand through disagreements and hurt feelings. It will continue to stand when things go wrong. When there is illness, financial loss, material loss, it still holds up under it. When the people around you let you down, it still stands. When you’ve been hurt, it’s still there.

Love never fails. It doesn’t give up. No matter what happens in life, genuine love never gives up, because it can’t! It is something that weaves its way into our spiritual dna and is impossible to remove. If you truly have love for another person, it never fades or goes away. Because we are human, hurts will happen. We hurt others and they hurt us. Sometimes we will encounter situations where we must remove ourselves from a situation that has become unhealthy for us, but that doesn’t mean we stop loving the person…because love isn’t about feelings. Love continues to do all the things listed above – even when we are no longer able to be with someone in any type of earthly relationship. Love desires reconciliation, but knows how to continue without it. We may never enjoy close fellowship with them again, but it doesn’t mean we walk away internally. I know this sounds controversial and maybe even abusive to say love never lets go, but it is the truth. Love – a true and pure divine love for another person – transcends everything on this earth, including our own comprehension. It reaches beyond our reasoning and allows us to continue loving, in spite of how we have been treated. It stays.

This is how God loves us! Love is so much deeper than what most people consider it to be. When you read the aspects of what true love is, you finally understand that love is not a feeling! Love requires action. It requires sacrifice. It requires commitment and most of the time we all fail to live and love as God loves because we continue to prefer the grey over the white light of the truth.

Truth isn’t always easy. It reveals us as we are and that sometimes reveals shortcomings we’d rather not face. When it comes to love, there is another aspect we seldom discuss. God tells us in His word that we are to love our enemies. Say what?! Not only are we, as people of faith, instructed to love our enemies, but He goes on to emphasize the point in Matthew 5:43-48 and says “So what if you love people who love you and treat you well. That’s nothing special. Even the most corrupt people in society do that.” I love that God doesn’t pull any punches and just calls it as it is. But how in the world is that even possible? How can I love someone I don’t like or doesn’t deserve it? We can do it by remembering first what love is and then how God loves US that way even though WE don’t deserve it. When you realize that love isn’t about what you feel, but what you decide, things become much clearer. Knowing what love is, frees us to live in ways that can change the world. It empowers us to love more deeply because we can choose to do so in spite of our feelings.

So the next time we say we love someone, maybe we need to stop and think about what that really means. Before we make that promise by saying the words out loud, we need to be sure we are willing to actually get out of the grey and truly live in the light of love’s truth..