I write about Excellence in practice, people and product. While Excellence has been covered in the context of business and athletics, I am breaking it out of those boxes and examining it trans-functionally and cross-culturally.
I have been in the media/marketing business for 22 years. I started my career after college entrepreneurially, launching a lifestyle magazine and opening an art gallery. Since then, I have held executive positions at Ziff Davis, Outward Bound, Yahoo! and AOL.
However, what fuels this project is a lifelong curiosity about people and our commonalities. I have traveled extensively, from living in Rome to venturing through Africa, Central America, and Asia and what holds true is our human need for meaningful connections to the experiences, relationships and objects we create. I believe it is our drive for impact that inspires Excellence. I will spotlight and reflect upon expressions of Excellence to inspire and catalyze it, not as an end game, but as an attitude.

What Petraeus Taught Us: Bridging Military and Civilian Understanding

Like many civilians, for me the military and military life exist in the abstract. We have images, sound bites, names and events, but we’re unable to fully grasp the complexities of their world. Perhaps we are confused by the morality of war or the inner workings of the military machine. Or perhaps we feel we are too busy with our own lives,to understand those who defend them. As Colonal Jessup said in A Few Good Men, military service men and women “live and die by words like honor, code, loyalty…as the backbone of a lifetime spent defending something.” We “use them as punch lines.”

When we do get a peek into the lives of military service men and women, it is often through a loaded media lens highlighting only extreme stories and caricatures of courage, like the Seal Team Six mission to capture and kill Osama Bin Laden or perversities like Abu Graib, both incomprehensible to most civilians.

Compare those extreme stories to the Petraeus incident. When CIA Director General Petraeus was forced to resign abruptly a few weeks ago after his affair with his biographer Paula Broadwell was exposed, the security establishment was thrown into turmoil. But most civilians saw it for what it was, human, which perhaps made it all the more extraordinary. This incident did not unfold in the battleground of Iraq or Afghanistan, but rather in Florida. Broadwell herself, an extraordinarily accomplished woman, fell victim to jealousy and sent anonymous emails to her alleged threat, Jill Kelley, which were tracked back to her. And there was Kelley herself, a civilian socialite, captivated with proximity to power, and the Commander’s need to cultivate civilian relationships as he faced the isolation of military life at the top.

The Petraeus story is one we all know: temptation, hubris, and human weakness. It reveals vulnerability even in our smartest and most courageous. It reminds us that these great servants and soldiers, beyond being accountable to our country and a higher code, are accountable to themselves and their families, just like us. And perhaps most importantly, this story exposed the vast gap that exists between civilian and military understanding of one another.

The job of contextualizing and bridging the schism between military and civilian understanding has been the dedicated work of Blue Star Families and its highly accomplished and passionate CEO, Kathy Roth-Douquet, since 2008. Founded by Roth-Douquet and five other active military women and spouses, Blue Star Families’ mission is to provide services and a platform to support, connect, and empower military families not just with one another, but with the civilian community.

A startling statistic emerged from a recent Blue Star Families survey, revealing that 92% of military family members feel that the general public does not truly understand or appreciate the sacrifices they make. It is a number that “exposes the vulnerability and loneliness of the seemingly forgotten family pillars behind those serving, without whom service would simply not be possible.”

The philosophy behind Blue Star Families starts with the constitution. We live in a self-governing democracy, and with that privilege comes great responsibilities, requiring not just an interest in politics but having a clearer understanding of the military branch as well: how it works, who it comprises (including families), what their needs are, and how to get involved.

According to Roth-Douquet, the schism between military and civilian understanding has not always existed to such a degree. Prior the 1970s, there was a greater understanding among civilians about the military branch and how it functioned. But with the controversy surrounding the Vietnam War, anti-war sentiment became confused with anti-military sentiment, and the lingering effects continue today. Compounded with the politically chic posturing of “sarcasm and hip irony,” codes by which the military abide have become mere anecdotes to many.

“When those who make, support and protest defense policy to the greatest effect have the least actual experience with military – either through their own service, or the service of those close to them – America does not get the best policy possible.”

While it is easy to characterize this trend as a result of the widening class gap, in a recent discussion, Roth-Douquet characterized it as closer to a caste system.

With the drawdown of the war in Afghanistan, the urgency of recognizing and supporting our military and their families is intensifying. While we should celebrate the end of the longest war in U.S. history, we should be mindful about an “out of sight, out of mind” attitude. For military men and women, service does not end with war, and yet awareness about their efforts and sizable funding does. In the words of Roth-Douquet, “there’s no peace dividend for military families…they will need civilian support to cope.”

Still, Roth-Douquet remains optimistic about bridging the schism. Blue Star Families has successfully launched a series of programs that empower and connect military families with one another and provide ways for civilians to get involved in meaningful ways.

Here are some ways to enage:

Read:

Supporting our military families is to understand them and their needs. The first step is the easiest and requires only that you visit www.bluestarfam.org and become a Blue Star Neighbor. You will receive a monthly newsletter featuring the activities of the organization as well as the military men, women and the families that they serve. Additionally you will hear about other opportunities to get involved.

Pledge A Service/Volunteer:

In partnership with Joining Forces, Blue Star Families encourages you to pledge some time and volunteer in your community on behalf of our military service men and women and their families. Providing a variety of volunteer opportunities with various organizations, the program has tracked over 23,465,255 hours pledged and 22,462,532 hours served to date. On the website, you can fill out a pledge card, many of which are currently being featured on one of the White House Christmas tree. Michelle Obama is an active supporter of the program and has made pledges herself.

Another program to consider is Blue Star Families’ Operation Appreciation, which organizes letter-writing to military families. The writer can choose to write a card to the parent, spouse or child of a military member, or to a veteran of the armed services. The program is one way to effectively bridge the gap between the civilian and military communities that otherwise can leave families feeling isolated.

Blue Star Families also provides a selection of volunteer opportunities hosted by chapters around the country and overseas. The goal is to utilize their volunteer leaders as community liaisons to identify the needs of military families, provide resources and programs, and relay relevant information to congressional decision-makers. If you are interested in a leadership role within your community, email your resume to Laura at LHaltom@bluestarfam.org.

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Affairs in the military (esp among deployed) are very common. The affair/mistakes are those they BOTH made (but petraeus had greater responsibility due to rank according t UCMJ)… and yes they did begin at war. His behavior shows this was not his first affair – very comfy lying to everyone, avoiding accountability until caught and refusing to face consequences by resigning.

Further jealousy did not prompt LTC Broadwell’s emails, it was desire to protect the active dutyWAR leaders from temptation and distraction of Ms. Kelley’s repeated flirts that would lead to slander/failure of our leaders. There is nothing Ms. Kelley has that would provoke jealousy from LTC Broadwell.

Want to get to know the military culture? First it would be great if you would do proper research for these basic issues. Then, stop quoting movie scripts as a source – try reading the thousands of books from current/retired soldiers from any generation. Lastly, it’s easy to research basic differences btwn civilian & military life (e.g., no constitutional/civil laws – only UCMJ regulations and gossip/peer pressure govern behavior, and more.).

Incredibly poor article – belongs in “Nat’l Enquirer” or the like due to the high gossip and low factual content. Want to get to know and help military? quit the “lip service” & pretty organizations and just do it. You’re a journalist, no? Interview a few soldiers – and LISTEN.

Thank you for reading the article and commenting. Clearly you are very passionate and knowledgeable about military workings, and have clear ideas about the Petraeus/ Broadwell affair itself as I learned from reading your insightful and extensive comment on another Forbes post, How Paula Broadwell’s Book Began- West Point Chat in 2010. http://www.forbes.com/sites/georgeanders/2012/11/14/how-paula-broadwells-book-began-west-point-chat-in-2010/#comment-874

That said, I fear you may have missed the larger point of this article, while inadvertently supporting it. I am not as interested in the intricacies of the affair itself but rather using the situation as a platform to illustrate that military service men and women and their families often times have the same needs as civilians, and yet we hold them to a higher standard. It seems you agree as you wrote in your other comment, stressing that military service men and woman are sometimes even “brainwashed to believe they are stronger than the normal human.”

“Adultery is not uncommon – esp in the military. Any humans placed in highly stressed situations, without care/’love’, for long periods of time are prone to “temptation”. They are because humans NEED love (proven in medical studies) to survive. In the professions like medicine, military, etc. trainees are BRAINWASHED to believe they are stronger than the normal human and to deny human NEEDS. The needs can’t be denied – postponed, yes – denied, NO.”

I agree. That really is my point. Soldiers and military families are human, and have human needs just like civilians. And yet the gap between military and civilian understanding continues to grow wider. (As I wrote, 92% of military families feel that the general public does not care about or understand their needs or sacrafices.) Blue Star Families offers immediate and relevant opportunities for civilians to enage… whether it is by reading a newsletter or volunteering. To me that is a start. I believe it is critical to offer average civilians opportunities to easily learn more and engage so that that they can become as interested, knowledgable, and passionate as you.

Great article- After volunteering and meeting military spouses and families and hearing their stories of deployment, raising children, moving- moving moving it has certainly been an eye opener for me- we NEED to reach our to our military and support them -letting them know that WE do care – WE are aware and their sacrifices for our freedoms are known- Lets do it! write a letter, volunteer locally, visit a veteran- do something today!

This is a great article! Blue Star Families is so committed to bridging the gap between the civilian community and the military community. This is important work and it is wonderful that Blue Star Families is dedicated to it!

Janet, I agree. Blue Star Families is an amazing and important organization providing valuable services and oportunities for military service men and women, their families, and civilians alike. Thank you for reading and commenting.