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Please help with SAT essay feedback - much appreciated

Our cherished notions of what is equal and what is fair frequently conflict. Democracy presumes that we are all created equal; competition proves we are not, or else every contest would end in a tie. We talk about a level playing field, but it is difficult to make conditions equal for everyone without being unfair to some.

Adapted from Nancy Gibbs, "Cool Running"

Assignment: Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Is there any doubt that society does not treat everyone in the same way? We live in a society that is not utopian; many are the cases in which certain individuals enjoy better and fairer treatment than the rest of us are privileged to enjoy. Humanity, past and present, has shown us that injustice among people is evident (prevalent).

The novel, “One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, was written by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn during the Stalinist Soviet Russia. The plot revolves around the struggle of several prisoners to survive the extreme physical and mental degradation in the Siberian labor camp. Nonetheless, in the story, most of the prisoners have to work hard every day in order to earn a mere amount, two hundred grams, of bread. However, such is not the case for Cesar, one of the main characters. Cesar, being that he was well connected and rich, received illegal care packages from the outside. The packages contained, among other necessities, food and clothes.Albeit, prison should have been the ideal setting for a level playing field, given that all incarcerated men have no rights, a sub society whose mere existence is to punish those who have broken laws and thus, receive just castigation , but men like Cesar support the underlying truth that there is no equality in humanity. Ivan Denisovich comes to terms with this realization.

Similarly to Ivan, I, too, have encountered my own Cesar. It was not more than two years ago when I got rejected from my school’s soccer team. As a Spartan person, it was my dream to join this team and represent my school in soccer events around Greece. The team captain announced that there were only15 spots available, and that the criteria for player selection would be based solely on two factors: their skill and their physical condition. Elemental to say, I satisfied both terms. Nevertheless, to my utter surprise and disappointment, the captain’s son outranked me for 15th position and I was out!For several months that followed, I was devastated and focused mostly on my academic performance. I realized that there was no reason to give up on my goals of becoming a soccer player and enrolled in my hometown’s soccer club. This was the best decision I have ever made, since I do not only love my new team but also I had the chance to enjoy besting my school team, in the final team league, which took place last week.

I feel obligated to state that encountering my own”Cesar” was the most important event in my life. Due to this incident my way of thinking has certainly matured. Specifically, not only have I grasped that society is not always going to treat me fairly, but also that equality is not possible. Looking back on my personal unfair treatment has given me the weapons to use on future “playing fields” in society.