I never wanted to be skinny or sexy, I wanted to be comfortable: My weight loss Journey!

In the past 2 years, my weight has gone down and up and down and up. There are many factors have effected my weight gain and loss.

My schedule

School

Work

Stress

The beach

Pictures

Love

-I could go on…lol

I wanted to lose weight in 2014 because I was super uncomfortable with my body. I would wear clothes and try to cover my body ashamed of who I was and how my ‘girl you’re so little,’ body turned into something I felt I had no control over. I never wanted to be skinny or sexy even. I just wanted to be comfortable. Comfortable in my own skin, in clothes that made me look happy. You ever notice people who dress like they’re unhappy. Seriously, it is a thing. I was dressing like I was unhappy. I found my love for black because it was the color of love for me at that time. Even if I didn’t love myself, black was there to cover it up. Black was there to make me feel good and make me feel like no one can see what’s happening with my body so it must not be happening. Well, one day I decided to be honest with myself. I even took photos of my body naked (bra and Undies on of course) to remind myself that this is something I really need to take care of. I thought I would do a before and after photo and post it on social media once I reached my dream body. I never did. . . Not because I didn’t reach my goal but I had stopped doing it for other people. I stopped wanting the bikini body and the nice flat abs so that I could show people I had them. I started wanting to be healthy. Physically healthy. Once I started working out, I started to feel better. I was happier. I felt lighter. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Working out became a thing that I did because I wanted to, not because I have to. I know there are researchers, doctors, and nutritionists who will tell you that you have to work. Like you just have to or you will die! Seriously, your health really does depend on it, but I was more concerned with the way it made me feel, as opposed to how it made me look. I always reflect on, how did I get here? How am I sitting in a chair sucking my stomach in because my jeans are too tight and any minute now I’ll have to loosen this button to give myself room to breathe. I’m not kidding.

Sometimes when you’re ‘small’ people look at you like ‘why are you complaining.’ Because I’m unhealthy and unhappy! So I stated working out. I didn’t see any results, at least in the first day so I went back. And I went harder. After about a week, I was like, somebody made this working out thing up and they’re selling this equipment to people just to make money!! The good thing was my apartment complex has a 24 hour gym and so I couldn’t demand my money back from anyone else for giving me false hope that somehow the gym thing was actually a good place to lose weight. . . And then one day I said, I’m just going to cut out some of the things I eat. Although Rally’s chicken bite box (with cheese) + Rally’s Burger (w/cheese no onion) was my meal of choice, I knew I had to make some changes. So, there I was shopping for green foods the child in me thought were yucky! I was not the kid who ate carrots, broccoli, blue berries, cherries and I certainly didn’t want a salad. Who eats a plate full of leaves? Anyways, I had to S L O W L Y change my diet.

[Side story] I remember there was a time during my sophomore year of college, I tried to give up meat. I was not really trying to be a vegetarian, but I was trying to lose weight. After about 3 days without meat I passed out in the back of my moms car and she thought I had lost my mind. We pulled up to McDonalds and a big mac and medium fry later, I felt like I was back to life. That was scary and funny all at the same time. Only because I really was so unaware of what I was doing and what other things I should have been eating in place of meat. Instead of asking for a double cheese burger with extra lettuce and tomato, hold the meat! Haha, I can’t believe myself. Cracks me up.

Anyways, I started grocery shopping. In college, there are lots of things that you must do, grocery shopping the right way really isn’t one of them. Not with all the food on campus, quick dinners, and we must not forget roman noodles.

How I thought my noodles were!

How they really were… haha

LOL. Seriously, I finally learned how to grocery shop because I realized that I was too lazy to work out. I really was, I didn’t want to do it. It was hard. And somebody lied, I was there several times a week and looked the same ! I decided that if I wasn’t going to commit to a specific workout plan, than I could make my commitment to the things I put in my body and see how that helps. And boy did it! I must admit, once I starting eating better, it made going to the gym much better. I felt like I started looking at my body and health differently. Changing your diet is not a diet. It is a lifestyle. Some people try to go on crazy diets and cleanses that promise instant results and that is simply crazy to me. When I first started wanting to change, I spent over $300 in GNC on supplements, cleanses, and chewy metabolism boosters and found myself sit to my stomach with green urine (sorry to be so graphic), but it was torture. All because I was trying to get a quick fix for a problem I had started long ago.

Changing your physical appearance starts with your mind. You have to first decide that it is something you want to do, and then you have to do it. Get rid of the many excuses you’ve made for how you got there and start thinking about what you can do right now to make changes. And know that change isn’t going to happen over night. When we expect instant results, it creates frustration and we start to doubt the plan and astray from the process because we’ve created some unrealistic goal and expectation. But it is okay. We all struggle. Some of us just struggle silently. And that is okay too. Just pick your pretty little head up and promise yourself that you’re going to be committed to you. Not anyone else. When I finally went to the gym, I didn’t feel sluggish and embarrassed to be there. Mainly because I could feel and I did start to see a different in my physical appearance. I must admit it gave me a little hope. I started to see results and I thought, ‘you know what girl, you probably can do this who health and fitness thing.’ I really think we can play a trick on ourselves sometimes and create something out of nothing. I would be in the gym afraid to run fast or make ugly faces, we’re all in here trying to get our lives, girl who cares? And if anybody is looking at you, give them a reason to look! Go grab cute workout gear. Not to impress anyone, but to give you a little push and something to look forward to when getting dressed and heading out for your workout. I go to TJ Maxx, Burlington, or Marshalls for really cute workout clothes. They’re always affordable (not cheap) and they always have awesome accessories (sports bras, yoga mats, gloves, exercise bands, kettlebells, dumbbells, and equipment sometime) But if it makes you uncomfortable to have that kind of attention you might consider going at times when other people aren’t there or when there is light traffic so that you’re free to go as hard or as light as you’d like. For some people, having other people there is more motivation in inspiration. Think about it, they’re there for the same reason you are. They may be at a different place physically, but something has them there, just like you!

Different recipes I’ve found or discovered through trail & unfortunate error lol

I’ll be uploading my recipes on here & my YouTube channel

I started out at about 150 lbs (shut up! This was a lot for a girl who was a little over 5’0) and the smallest I’ve been was 104 lbs. I am not at 120 lbs. This has been my life for about 2 years now. I;m trying to find a good balance and comfortable weight. Although this has worked for me, I am transitioning into a pescatarian and then vegetarian lifestyle. Not to lose weight, but for many health reasons and other things that kind of triggered my interest into becoming a vegetarian. I was a vegetarian for about 2 months and a pescatarian for about 3 months. I was successful! But chicken has a crazy way of entering into my life like a lover who was once really good to you, but now it’s over and neither of you want to leave.

For my workout: I mainly ran for at least 3 miles on the elliptical (or treadmill) and I spend 15-20 minutes doing some core and strength workouts.

**Disclaimer: Do what works best for you. Search for resources, find experts and techniques that work for you!**

Don’t spend time changing yourself for other people, change for you. I started to get a little close with myself once I started working out. I felt like I was really taking care of myself. . . I was taking care of myself. I must repeat that again. . . I was taking care of myself. Wow. I think the best part of having moments like these and making changes is that you only do it when you’re ready. And when you finally do it, it is more than what you wanted it to be. But it was exactly what you needed.

2 thoughts on “I never wanted to be skinny or sexy, I wanted to be comfortable: My weight loss Journey!”

Great Post! I’m starting to take my health more serious. I’ve struggled the most with turning away from foods that I love. However, I’m ready to feel and look even better. Thank you for the inspiration!

Yah! I’m happy to hear you’re taking the next steps to get moving on your health goals!!! It is certainly a struggle that’s why we have to share our experiences and uplift each other along the way! Can’t wait to see how things work out for you 💖🙌🏽💪🏽