29 February 2016

I am realizing again recently how I have not effectively defined the word purpose for myself, and in that, not having a livable definition for it, I have been looking for it outside of myself. In this is an experience of wandering and waiting and lost… looking in a constant search for something, anything, that indicates it’s ‘my purpose’. Now while I’ve realized this before in my life, I was in fact always experiencing this point of lacking purpose as a clearly outlined direction, I have not addressed the separation I have lived in relation to this word – separating myself from the word ‘purpose’ as a LIVING WORD.

I listened to an Eqafe recording this evening, Creating Purpose,to support me in opening up this point more, and what I can see is that how human beings are programmed throughout their life (through family, education, environment, friends, society, etc), becomes their purpose, and so I was and have been living my purpose, though as a Mind Consciousness System – programmed to wander through life without purpose – that was the purpose I was fulfilling. And so now where I am in my life is letting go of my programming, and standing as if with nothing telling me, or directing me, or suggesting what I can do as my purpose. It will have to be up to me, my decision, my directive that determines my purpose in life. And in that, I’ve missed the main point, the foundational point actually… when one stops the mind as the pre-programming of who one is as thoughts, feelings, and emotions… one is left within oneself, alone, to decide. And in that, the self-relationship that has always been neglected must be addressed and corrected.

So for me I can see that the most crucial point for me to start with is my purpose with and towards myself. What is my purpose for myself? What is my purpose for my life? Who do I want to be? How do I want to change? In answering these, I am giving myself the guideline, the guide, the path in a way as the principles in which I will walk with, and that will determine my purpose, though the key is it’s coming from ME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word purpose – as seeing it as something separate from me, that exists outside of who I am, as in something that I do as an action rather than an expression coming from/as/within who I am in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word purpose to be that of something I do, or have as a career, rather than a self-expression of who I am in each moment as the principles in which I walk, and live, express and apply that determine my direction and what I create within/as my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live purpose as a program within/as my mind, wherein I define myself as having ‘no purpose’ and so fulfill the purpose of my programming which is to be in a constant state of wandering and searching for something outside of myself to fulfill and define me – designed so deliberately as keeping me from seeing, getting to know, and becoming directive principle of ME in self-honesty, and self-awareness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate the responsibility I have to ME as living the word Purpose, in allowing the mind to direct me, based on the self-definition that ‘I have no purpose’ as how I’ve defined it as something that is separate/outside/external from me that I do or have as a career

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to define for myself what my purpose is in life, as the living word Purpose in terms of how I can live and apply it throughout my day, and rather think and believe it’s something that will come to me, or will manifest outside/external from me – as something separate from what I do, what I speak, what I think, and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the purpose of being a wanderer, that has no direction or purpose in life, but instead is in a constant state of searching, to within this, always be distracted, and defeated, and lost within looking for something other than ME to define my purpose

When and as I see myself reacting negatively within myself as not having a ‘purpose’ I stop, and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that the purpose of me thus far in life has been to live out my programming, which is to be without purpose and to wander, and search for something external, and separate from me here as the KEY to my life of purpose, and so is only a distraction keeping me from the KEY which is to get to know myself, myself as the foundation for what I will create as my purpose, and create a self-relationship that I can stand on and create from and flow from me the purpose of my life and my expression and so I commit myself to stop looking for my purpose outside/separate from me here and instead establish ME as the foundational purpose in which I must work with and on, as getting to know myself, deciding what I want to live, how I want to change, and what I would like to see within my life.

I commit myself to realizing I am the purpose of this Life – to create within/as me the expression of self-honesty, self-integrity, self-love, self-respect, and equality and oneness with ALL Life here – standing as what is best for all in all ways as the most important purpose of all our lives in this One Life

I commit myself to defining for myself my own purpose, within principles that support me within developing my utmost potential

I commit myself to stop the purpose of my programming to wander through life, and rather direct ME in this life within what I would like to do…. Coming from within/as me the ‘who I am’ within what I do, as the REAL self that determines all other things in my life