The most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Adam Lambert's Advice

On Advocate.com, Adam Lambert, alumnus of "American Idol," and now gay role model, had this to say in an interview with "ET Canada":

Adam Lambert says his stardom is "an amazing opportunity to be able to help people...."

Asked for his advice to people struggling with their identity, the pop star says, "close your eyes and focus on who you are and what you want." Later in the interview Lambert says, "You have to love yourself in order to love someone else" and reveals that he is currently dating someone.

The comment about loving yourself is nothing new in relation to what I've written here recently. But it is confirmation, from another source--whatever you think of him and his flamboyance--of what's necessary, especially when it comes to connecting with another human being and finding that relationship so many of us want.

6 comments:

I never knew Mr. Lambert could be so philosophical! But I like what he said about focusing on "who you are and what you want." So often we get preoccupied with what others think of us, and what they want us to be. I don't want others to define who I am. Clearly you can never love yourself, if you are not who you want to be.

I can't believe it, Doug. I didn't see the dependency between being yourself and loving yourself, which is obvious now that you point it out. Of course. Makes complete sense. When I decided to use the quote from Adam as the basis for this post, I thought of deleting the first part of what he said because I didn't think it belonged, but I'm glad I didn't. Thank you for helping me to see that connection.

I've read how you have written about telling someone you love him. Even though you do not exactly know what love is at that moment. But you grow and become to understand that feeling and now you can tell these words with certitude.

Similar to that I feel that doing something I love to do or love to be is quite impossible due to the fact that I do not exactly know what living happily means. Because my dreams and thoughts are forever changing: at one point the wind is blowing from one direction, then it is blowing from every direction and sometimes there is now wind at all. Total silence of thoughts. And that is why I have to learn to love myself even if what I want is constantly changing. All I can do is love the feeling of living.

elevencats, you are amazingly perceptive. I'd forgotten about writing that post about not knowing what love is, but trusting and believing in it. What better thing to trust and believe in than love. I can't think of anything. Sometimes, we have to take a leap of faith. Sometimes, we have to go through the motion. Sometimes, we don't know what we're doing, exactly, but we're drawn toward a specific action, and we have to believe at the time it's the right one.So it is with you. Your dreams and thoughts are constantly changing because you are young, and because you are trying to find yourself. I have some perspective on this, since I'm about three decades older than you are. And what you are going through is both normal and natural. You should feel the way you do at this point. For you, life should be all about exploring, finding what feels magical, what makes you sing inside. Be totally open to that. Revel in the confusion and uncertainty. It will all come out just fine in the end. Trust me.The one constant in your life, despite all the upheaval, is the love you should have for yourself, whether you're gay or not. That is what you must always work on, because it will affect everything--from the choices you make, to the person you eventually fall in love with. As always, I'm so pleased to hear from you. Please check back often, and feel free to comment whenever you like. I appreciate your interest in what I'm trying to do here. My thoughts are with you.

I've long been an advocate of this, and try to live by example in this area. About six years ago, before I was even able to completely understand who I was, It started with this absolute realization: "Become what/who you want to be, don't allow anyone to tell you who you are, what you are, or why you are." I coined this as a quote hoping that it would benefit someone and I try to share it with everyone I come across.

It really is about being yourself, being unapologetic for it, and wholly loving yourself. Even if, as elevencats points out, you don't quite know what that is.

Great quote, Heather. I'm so glad you shared it with us. Thanks for that. The first sentence in your second paragraph...well, that's what it's all about, isn't it? The challenge each of us faces. The sooner we get to that realization, the sooner we are able to start making it a reality in our lives.And if you can truly love yourself for being who you really are, then you have the potential to be unstoppable. As always, I love hearing from you. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

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About Me

I'm a 56-year-old writer, who lives in Metro Vancouver, and I've been in a loving, committed, and monogamous relationship with a wonderful man for twenty-three years.
While I've used my blog to write on different subjects over the past four years, currently, you'll find the majority of posts about my relationship with Chris; my experience as a gay man; and self-esteem as it relates to gay people.
My intention is to help you on your journey to become a fully-realized gay or lesbian person. I hope you find something here that resonates with you, and you'll come back often. Please leave a comment on any post that interests you or send me an email. I want to hear what you have to say.