There Is No "Tea Party Advantage" For Democrats

(Sorry Folks- I have Some Great Pictures And Really Funny Captions, But They Won’t Upload)

The Washington Post and a couple other papers are out there talking about what they describe as the “Tea Party Advantage” for Democrats- the premise is that the Tea People…Christine O’Donnell, Carl Palladino, Rand Paul and the like…are so out there, so obviously whacky, that regular Republicans will stay away from them and the Democrats are getting fired up and will actually go vote. This is exactly what every good little Conservative wants you to believe, so don’t you believe it. Hell, it may even be true, but don’t you believe it. Don’t you believe America’s somehow waking up. I mean, get real.

Yeah, it would be great to believe that ‘normal’ Americans, the nice ones who hold the door for strangers, bend over to pick up something someone else dropped, smile and nod as they walk past you…the ones who do this regardless of your skin color, or whether you’re wearing a yarmulke, dreadlocks or headscarf…the ones who don’t care if your worship day is Friday, Saturday or Sunday or not at all, are suddenly sitting up and saying, “Wait a minute, these folks are going too far. Sure, taxes are high and yes, the borders have become dangerous because we keep buying drugs from the Mexican Cartels and there are corrupt and self-serving politicians out there. Of course there are a lot of things wrong with America- there’s always a lot of things wrong with America- but these folks are just going too far.” (boy, what a long sentence that was). Maybe some of them are too.

But not enough, not enough.

We’re on a knife-edge. The Tea Party is looking to fundamentally shift not just the political spectrum, but America’s entire moral code away from inclusiveness and the basic freedoms we’ve all taken too much for granted. For the fifty plus years I’ve been around I’ve just assumed that a guy could be Jewish or Christian or Muslim or a Hari Krishna or whatever. I mean, who cares? What do I care who someone loves or how they vote? Hey, it’s a free country (remember when we used to say that? You don’t hear that much anymore.).

And there are really rich people and really poor people. Some of the rich guys got that way scamming the system and some of the poor guys scam Welfare and other social programs too. That’s not because the system is corrupt, but because some people and politicians are corrupt. Always has been, always will be. Drives me crazy sometimes, but overall, it’s a good system.

The Tea People don’t believe that. Very near half of them, when polled, identify themselves as Fundamentalist Christians. For them, this isn’t about taxes or healthcare or politics, it’s about religion. It’s about making America into what the call a “Judeo-Christian” country again, which is pretty laughable. For one thing, if these guys take over, I wouldn’t wanna be one of the Jews in “Judeo-Christian”; the Tea People may go after the dreaded Muslims first, but the Jews would be next. Well, maybe Muslims, then next the Hindus cause all these Indian people are pissing us off whenever we call for tech support, then the Jews. But the point is, sooner or later, everybody who doesn’t accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior has got to go.

Of course, religion is just a part of it, only half, if the poll numbers are correct. Another big part is all these Hispanic…persons. It’s a dichotomy on the face of it, cause most Hispanics are Christian. But first, they’re usually Catholic Christians (and even I know from bitter experience that that’s a weird religion) which makes hating them okay and second, they…well, let’s face it…they look really Spanish. They have accents and listen to music with accordions in it. They even have a different written language, for god’s sake.

And there are a lot of them too, which obviously means they’re illegal, drug dealing, Welfare cheating, uneducated, Papist gang members. They’re taking all the really good farming and landscaping jobs away from us, even if they’re leaving the country in droves cause there aren’t any jobs. We can’t have that, not here in a Judeo-Christian America.

Don’t get me wrong; there are Hispanic gangs and there are a lot of Hispanic illegal immigrants and some of them take advantage of the various social service systems. There are also a lot of White Supremacist and Black gangs and a lot of poor (and rich) White and Black Americans who game the system too, not to mention Chinese, Vietnamese and Cambodians, Native Americans and radical Christians. Pick a race, creed or color and you’ll get bad people. You’ll also get a whole lot of good ones too.

But to at least half the Tea Party, all of these people (and me too as a White Liberal Democrat) are just wrong and bad for America and so, sooner or later, we’ll all have to go. They want an America ruled by White Christians. Sure, there’s gonna be some Black People, you really can’t avoid it (pity, that), but as long as they’re Baptist and, at least if Rand Paul gets his way, they don’t have to serve em in their stores, The Tea Party will just have to put up with it. For awhile anyway.

So don’t take a backlash by reasonable Americans for granted. If you believe that it really is a ‘Free Country’ you gotta prove it and go vote. Find whoever’s moderate from any Party. Find whoever is willing to work together with people they don’t agree with and vote for them.

It’s an hour out of one day. Get up and drive to the local school or library or firehouse, stand in line for five minutes then go in and pull the lever or push the button or whatever your state does. Please. God, this is so important I just can’t stand it.

Unconfirmed Sources political satire and news story parodies as represented above are written as satire or parody. They are, of course, fictitious.