Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Crazy Diaper-Wearing Astronaut Lady: The Sexy Emails Factor

Earlier this month, when the news broke that astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak had driven over 900 miles while wearing a diaper to confront (and possibly attempt to kidnap and/or murder) a romantic rival (y'know--that thing they're not making a movie about), most people assumed that her behavior was unjustified. To those people I now declare: sexy emails!

It turns out that Nowak's rage may have been fueled by the discovery [Ed. note: not the space shuttle] of "steamy e-mails" sent to fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein--the object of her affections--by fellow Bill-Oefelein-sexer-upper Colleen Shipman--the object of her pepper spray. While Oefelein was aboard the Space Shuttle Discovery [Ed. note: not the act of uncovering sexy emails] in December, Shipman sent him an email which included the passage, "Will have to control myself when I see you. First urge will be to rip your clothes off, throw you on the ground and love the hell out of you."

After reading that, how could Nowak have been expected not to embark on a frantic cross-country drive with the possible intent of shooting Shipman, cutting her into pieces and putting those pieces into garbage bags? Now that this evidence has come to light, it's reasonable to assume that all charges against Nowak will be dropped, and the general public can focus its attention on the even more fascinating revelation brought to light by this story:They have email in space!