WWF RAW is WAR

16.11.98

BLAH

Last night at the Survivor Series, TV-PG-V box, Shane did NOT count the
third count, instead flipping the double bird to Austin.

NEW Opening Credits! Hooray! I still can't make out any of the words,
though...

It's RAW is WAR LIVE 16.11.98 from the Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY, with a
record crowd in attendance - the care is also broadcast on USA and TSN,
closed captioned for the hearing impaired (what?) and en espanol donde sea
disponible.

Shock! The show opens with VINCENT K., introduced with his entourage.
Now, it's "the owners of the World Wrestling Federation, SHANE & Mr.
McMahon." New on-screen graphics, too. "Thank you for that warm Kentucky
reception! Last night at the Survivor Series, my son Shane and I proved
that whoever it was that said 'you can't fool all of the people all of the
time' was a damn fool. A damned fool is someone who insists on doing
things the hard way. A damned fool is someone who embraces middle class
ethics and values." ["Austin" chant] "And a damned fool, a damned fool is
someone who doesn't pucker up and kiss the boss' ass. Nownownow
waitaminute, now don't tell me all of you don't kiss the boss' ass, I know
you do, you probably don't just kiss it enough! Right now, I would like
to introduce you to someone who certainly is no damn fool, oh no, he's not
the People's Champion, he never was; he's always been MY Champion. Ladies
and gentlemen, the World Wrestling Federation Champion - the CORPORATE
Champion - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ROCK!" As Ross bemoans the fact that
the Rock is "a Corporate butt-smooching Champion" and other fun words,
your NEW WWF Champion walks to the ring, and embraces the McMahons.
"Ladies and gentlemen, listen up to the Rock!" "You know Mr. McMahon, all
day long the Rock's phone has been ringin' off the hook, and the message
has been clear. Why Rock Why did you sell out? Well, actually, the Rock
never sold out - the Rock just got ahead. Now, will some of you call the
Rock a kissass?" [pop] "Well I'm sure you will, because quite frankly,
you are all unintelligent pieces of trailer park trash - do you smell it?
Now, you pieces of trash - you work your candyasses off day after day
after day, 9 to 5, for minimum wage. Well, the Rock did what the Rock had
to do to get to the top of the World and that is him standing smack dab in
the middle of the Corporate ring, your WWF World Champion! Now, sure, you
pieces of trash, you work hard, you do what you have to do, day after day,
and quite frankly, you're all no different from a big piece - the biggest
piece of trailer park trash in Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well, I'll tell
you what, you and Austin, you can have your morality, you can have your
honesty, you can have your blood..." ["Austin" chant] "you can have your
blood, your sweat and your tears, I'll tell you what, all that hard work,
fifty cents couldn't buy you a cup of redneck coffee. Now: 'Die Rocky
Die.' 'Rocky Sucks?'" [pop] "You see, the Rock NEVER, EVER forgot that,
and he's gonna damn sure make sure that you NEVER, EVER forget it as well.
You see what the Rock plans on doin' is he plans on raisin' the Peop- oh,
I'm sorry, he plans on raisin' the Corporate Eyebrow, he plans on planting
ya with the Rock Bottom, and the Rock damn sure plans on layin' the smack
down on your candy ass with the most electrifying move in sports
entertainment today, THE CORPORATE ELBOW. Now, the Rock said that he
would rather be the People's Ass than to ever kiss his. But now, the Rock
says, he would much rather kiss Mr. McMahon's ass than to EVER, and the
Rock means EVER, kiss yours if you smell what the Rock is cooking!"
McMahon: "I was just wondering, uh, what's it like to kiss Mr. McMahon's
ass? I've often wondered what it's like." Shane: "If I may, I kinda like
it." "And if the Rock may, hell, he's a millionaire, he's a WWF Champ,
you DO smell what the Rock is cooking." "Oh yeah, I definitely smell it.
All right, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Oliver Stone eat
your heart out, you want to talk about a conspiracy theory, you wanna talk
about how we pulled all this together, and the trials and tribulations and
the sacrifices of everybody in this ring, let's take you to the videotape
now ladies and gentlemen..." as Mr. McMahon promises to lay it out for us.
To demonstrate, let's watch the TitanTron - oops, it's STONE COLD STEVE
AUSTIN arriving in the building. Well, that ruins everything, doesn't it.
"Okay, so Austin's here, good, I'm glad Austin's here, because now he can
take a look at this footage just like the rest of you."

Let Us Take You Back to Three Weeks Ago where Shane McMahon tells Vince he
hired Austin back. A week later, Shane enters the cage to pull Big Boss
Man off of Austin, and Vince tells Boss Man to let him go - this time. A
week later than that, we see Boss Man ready to "attack" Shane until Austin
made the save, showing a flaw - that he actually cares. That same week,
we see the Rock laid out on the floor - but he was apparently never really
hurt. Let's see Mankind getting his makeover as Vince says "you can't
shine ca-ca!" Shane gloats about how he sucked us all in. Shane coming
in to count the pinfall further the story. Turns out that Mr. McMahon
SUBJECTED himself last week to the Rock Bottom AND the Elbow to further
the story. And we see stills from last night's Survivor Series, the Rock
has Mankind in the Sharpshooter - "Mankind gave up, he said 'I Quit!'"
Shane calls again for the footage of "the SCREWING of Steve Austin." The
look on Austin's face, says Shane, is absolutely *priceless*. Vince: "The
screwing of..." do you hear glass? STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN has come out.
McMahon reminds him that his new contract has a clause that specifically
prohibits him laying a hand on McMahon unless he's provoked (we'll
remember this later, I'm sure). Austin reminds us that Shane signed him
to a contract that ALSO had a title shot for the day after Survivor Series
- Vince says no way. Austin says, oh yeah, he's got a legally binding
contract that says he DOES have a title shot tonight. And if you don't
believe that the contract is legally binding well, hell, here's JUDGE
MILLS LANE on the TitanTron to say that oh yeah, there's a Rock/Austin
title match on tonight on RAW. Umm...well, okay. Lane didn't say
"Let'sgititon" though.

Despite all that, let me back up a bit. Survivor Series: I've gotta say
that that was a HELL of a storyline. Yeah, I'm biased, but damned if I
can't actually back it up. I love being surprised. It's not easy to
surprise me, because I'm intelligent AND cynical. Seeing the Rock turn
was a damn GREAT surprise. This wasn't one of those "let's turn somebody"
NWO garbage turns that aren't set up and make no sense. Get it? Get it?

Now, having said all that, if Austin wins the title tonight, I'm gonna
turn on them again. Maybe. Let's see how the match goes first.

WWF Survivor Series Encore Presentation promo.

WWF War Zone for the Nintendo ad.

WWF In Your Hose: Rock Bottom is brought to you by Hasbro Interactive (You
Gotta Love the Glove!)

NEW AGE OUTLAWS & X-PAC v. KURRGAN & GOLGA & GIANT SILVA (with Princess
Luna Tunes and Insane Clown Posse) - hey, only half an hour into the show
before we get a MATCH! Kurrgan and Gunn start. Lockup, to the corner,
clean break, Kurrgan dances. Gunn turns it around and punches away.
Whip, reversal, duck, big boot from the Red Baron. Pound. Whip, Gunn
slides through and clips him. Tag to Jesse James and it's time for the
wobbly kneedrop. 1, Kurrgan presses him high into the air. Armdrag from
the Dogg, but Kurrgan bearhugs him into a side slam. Time for James to
play dead for ten miuntes, I bet. Tag to Golga - whip and a double
shoulderblock. To the corner - elbows to the gut, whip into the opposite
corner - Golga lifts his shirt (pasty white abs!) and there's the
Avalanche splash. Bodyslam by Golga - second rope - elbowdrop misses!
James tags Gunn, who kicks away like a house on fire - Golga reverses a
whip and Gunn hits a Rocker Dropper for 2. Kurrgan comes in to break up
the count, so James is in - meanwhile, Shaggy2 Dope hits a top rope
elbowdrop, only it's on Golga. Oops. Gunn covers - 1, 2, 3 (2:52).
Ross: "Well, that made no sense!" Well, hell, we didn't even see X-Pac in
this match. Well again, we didn't see Silva either, so I guess every
cloud has a silver lining. Oddities argue with ICP as they walk away.
Apparently, the replay shows that Shaggy 2 Dope thought Golga was Billy
Gunn. Well, they're not exactly the brightest folk, I guess. That said,
they can probably buy and sell me about five times before breakfast.
Anyway, we come back from the replay to see the HEAD BANGERS putting the
boots to Jesse James, then scattering when X-Pac and Gunn catch up to
them. That wacky Road Dogg - ALWAYS the face in peril.

Moments Ago, a camera caught up with Mankind, who yells to no one "You
made me cut my hair - you made me shave my beard - you gave me those
stupid shoes - well I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, Vince...I'm
coming home! I'm coming home!"

D-Generation X football jersey - such a deal at only $39.99 + $9 s/h.
Yeah.

22 November sees the WWF at the San Jose Arena! Austin/Kane/UT/Rock!
Shamrock/Mankind! Jackie/Sable! (Jacqueline misidentified as the Women's
Champion) AND CRZ STAYING HOME AND SLEEPING OFF A HANGOVER!

Backstage, we see McMahon in a meeting of the Brain Trust. He's got
enough to worry about with this unscheduled WWF title match without
worrying also about Mankind. He wants Boss Man to stay close to him - now
which one of you guys is going to talk to Mankind? When no one
volunteers, Vince tells Patterson "you've known him the longest - go talk
to him! Just remember...he's *gullible*."

KING KEN SHAMROCK is striding to the ring with purpose. Now he's got a
mic. God help us all. "First of all, let me make it real clear. I ain't
too happy about Survivor Series - I got SCREWED! The second thing is I'd
rather be fighting than talking, but it seems to me this is the only way
I'm going to get my point across. And Boss Man, you know I'm talking to
you - you screwed me twice and you won't do it again, 'cause tonight in
this ring, I'm challenging you to step in with me, face to face, man to
man! Oh, and if that ain't enough, because I don't think you're that kind
of a man to want to stand up on your own two feet, I'm even gonna throw in
the Intercontinental title on the line! So I'll be waiting for your
answer...Chump!"

VAL VENIS v. MIZARK HENRY (with Oh You Betta Recognise D'Lo Brown) -
"Hello ladies. So this is the Bluegrass State - home of the Kentucky
Derby! Well ladies, if you wanna cross that finish line in first place
with the Big Valbowski, just hop aboard THIS stallion - bareback!" Lockup,
right by Henry, right, right, whip, duck, Venis with rights, off the
ropes, Henry throws an elbow, HE'S off the ropes, Venis with a lariat and
Henry's down. Venis puts the boots to him, right hand, repeat, whip,
Venis puts the head down and Henry with a big kick. Belly-to-belly suplex
by Henry. Venis rolls out and Henry follows. Venis' back meets the apron
several times. Henry picks up Venis and the lower back meets the
ringpost. Back in we go, Venis punches back but Henry hits the eye gouge.
Venis comes out of the corner with a clothesline, then the boots. Whip,
follow knee to the gut. Repeat. Side Russian legsweep! Venis stands
over his fallen opponent, bumps 'n' grinds, then punches away again. Up
we go - whip, reverse, Henry lifts him high and lets him fall. Henry is
stomping away in the corner. Just to shock us, CHYNA makes an appearance.
Henry is SO happy to see her that he completely forgets that he's in a
match. Venis rolls him up and it's over. (2:37) Henry gets the mic - he
says that he knows that their lawyers have been having lots of talks, but
all that would really take care of things is for them to have dinner - "no
sex involved" - and then he reads a poem. D'Lo is so moved that he has to
embrace Henry right there. Chyna walks off. We don't get a GREAT look at
her new jawline - maybe it's still swollen?

Backstage, we see Austin preparing himself a cup of coffee - oh, he
doesn't use EQUAL, does he? No, looks like sugar. Whew! Also, he takes
time from coffee preparation to spit tebacky juice into another cup.
Ewwww, say it ain't so, Austin.

RAW is brought to you by the JVCKaboom!box - strap it on (err.), and Mr.
Tees fine products, and "Stone Cold Metal," the greatest CD ever made
(sure).

GOLDUST & STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) v. JEDOUBLEF
JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with Debra McMichael) & BLUE BLAZER - Well, it seems a
LITTLE weird for them to be tag team partners, but once you see the
opponents. Ross quickly says that that's Owen Hart dressed up in that
getup. In Ross' favour, Blazer IS doing that Owen-esque, Flair-esque
"Woooo!". Finally, Ross tells us that Debra got all her money from
divorce. Goldust and Jarrett start with Jarrett delivering a knee to the
gut. Right hand. Whip off the rope, over, under, Jarrett sets up for a
monkeyflip so Goldust punches him instead. Flying clothesline. Uppercut,
whip, reversal, Goldust goes down and punches. Ross smarms over the
Blazer's "hideous looking circa-1960's lucha libra (his mispronounciation)
costume." Meanwhile, we've had a tag to Blackman and another punch.
Jarrett rakes the face to gain control, clothesline misses so Blackman
goes to the martial arts kicks. Jarrett hits a dropkick, then takes his
head to the turnbuckle. Suplex. Tag to Blazer, who puts the boots to
Blackman, then gives another "woooo!" Blackman ducks a clothesline and
pushes him to the canvas. Now Jarrett and Goldust are fighting on the
outside (I guess Goldust and McMichael made eye contact and that pissed
Jarrett off or something - you're not supposed to piss him off, you know)
Blackman, on the inside, hits a martial arts kick and gets the pin! (2:09)
Blackman signals that he's going to remove the mask, but before he can,
he's attacked from behind by Jarrett...and OWEN HART (yeah, fuck you
Ross!) is also out. Jarrett hits a Flatliner, then Blazer puts on the
Dragon Sleeper while Owen hits a field goal with Blackman's jewels.
Again. Well, who's the Blazer? Severn? Paul Diamond? Stay tuned...

Backstage, Brisco says he found the Boiler Room, but he heard some weird
noises so he didn't go in. Slaughter makes fun of him, calling him a
wuss, and says HE'LL go and bring back Mankind. Patterson and Brisco are
openly skeptical. Meanwhile, McMahon takes the Rock aside to talk about
the upcoming match. Boss Man shields the cameraman from the conversation
so we can't see what they're discussing.

TV-PG-V! Slaughter says that Mankind is crazy, and he can't do it on his
own. McMahon says fine, he doesn't care if they have to put riot gear on,
all three of you take care of him. They argue amongst themselves and
leave the room. Shane turns to the Boss Man...

STEPHEN REGAL (with the Fred Tomlinson Singers) v. GODFATHER (with six -
er, three lovely ladies) - Hearing Lawler sing along with Regal's
theme reminds me of how Bobby Heenan used to whistle along to Shawn
Michaels' theme and how much that would annoy Gorilla Monsoon.
Anyway. Credits show up as the ho's enter the rings.
We see the TV-PG-V ratings box again just for the hell of it. Remember,
Godfather is a face. I heard Flash Funk backstage yelling "dammit, that
used to be MY hat!" Godfather does his spiel, word for word, offering
Regal the chance
at all three ho's for free for the whole night - we see two almost bare
asses. Okay, that one ho probably showed her ass one too many times.
Regal takes the mic. "Now normally, there's nothing I'd like to do better
than kick
your head in. But, I may be from England, but the last time I checked
my name's Stephen Regal, not Elton John, so I'll take the broads!" Crowd
chants "Regal" - yeah! Regal's the Man!
He IS a Real Man's Man! As they walk off... "Hey, hey Regal! Hey Regal,
you know what man, I
didn't really think you were gonna take the ho's, so to quote what a
good friend of mine Archie Bunker sez, 'England ain't nuttin' but a
place full of fags.'" Well, because Regal is stupid, he turns around and
rushes the Godfather, completely blowing what would probably have been the
greatest night of his life. Dammit Regal...

Apparently, there's a situation in the back. Outside the building, we see
KANE destroying any technicians he happens upon.

Backstage, Vince pumps up Boss Man for his match with Ken Shamrock. Then
we see Shamrock knuckling up (or something).

The WWF Rewind is brought to you by that Glover thing. Austin hits the
stunner on Mankind, but Shane McMahon only counts 2 - then flips 2 middle
fingers.

KING KEN SHAMROCK v. BIG BOSS MAN for the Intercontinental Championship -
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, where Shamrock tasted the nightstick
while facing Mankind. We'll remind you that last night he tasted it again
facing the Rock. I was only a LITTLE disappointed to not hear Boss Man
coming out to "Hard Time." Boss Man rushes the ring but Shamrock
is kick and punching first. Off the ropes, kick ducked, back elbow
hits, Boss Man is down and Shamrock has the nightstick. But
referee "Blind" Mike Chioda won't let the stick be used, and in the
process Boss Man has gained the momentum with a right hand. Boss Man puts
him on the second rope and sits down on him hard - hey, Boss Man does
trademark Boss Man moves! He slides under and delivers the uppercut. Now
they're both out. Right. Shamrock blocks the head to the STEEL steps and
takes Boss Man's head there instead. Boss Man meets the steps again
before the come back in. Shamrock with the stiff kicks to the leg. Whip
into the opposite corner and there's a clothesline - Boss Man folds in
half. They're trading blows, now Boss Man is in control. Splash in the
corner. Clothesline in the corner. Whip, and a spinebuster for 2. Boss
Man takes him to the corner, whips him out, but Shamrock steps aside and
Boss Man is left on the top rope. Shamrock climbs the ropes, springs off
and hits the kick. Now they're outside and trading blows. Back in, Boss
Man with the choke for 4. Then he does it again. Shamrock comes back
with punches, and reverses their positions in the corner. Now SHAMROCK
has the choke for 4. Another choke and Chioda comes between them, and
says no more choking. Both men take a shot at Chioda at the same time.
The fight continues while Chioda comes to and calls for the bell. (Double
DQ 3:57) They're STILL fighting, trading blows toe-to-toe. Headbutt
from Boss Man - the other three refs, Earl Hebner, and Tony Garea are
out, but that's not going to be enough to keep these two apart. Now
they're going at it again. Now VINCENT K. & SHANE McMAHON are out. "What
the hell are you doin'? What the hell are you two doing? You're beating
the hell out of each other, and for what? Not for me. Come
on...Shamrock, Shamrock, listen to me. Stop that! Come on, knock it off!
Shamrock, listen I said before you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer
but you are damn sure the most dangerous and I can USE a man like you.
You and I are a lot alike, Kenny, think about it...think about it. We've
come from broken homes, everything we've got in life we had to claw,
scratch and bite our way to the top - nobody ever gave us a damn thing.
We're a lot alike and you know it. You think these people care about you?
They don't give a DAMN about you! But I care, because I understand you,
because I can give you the one thing that I never had and YOU never had,
and you know what that is? That's family. That's family. Families stick
together. Think about it. We've got a great Corporate Champion, a
Corporate Enforcer, and EVERY Corporation needs a dangerous man. So what
about it, Ken? Just think about it. Why not come on home?" Shamrock,
who is the dumbest man in the world, shakes McMahon's hand. McMahon makes
Boss Man offer his hand, and THEY shake on it. Shamrock and Shane shake
hands while the refs exchange quizzical looks and shrug, then walk away.
"Ladies and gentlemen, KEN SHAMROCK!"

The camera is still following Kane - he happens upon some fans asking for
autographs - God, fans can really be dumb sometimes, can't they? Kane
chokes him until we see a cop car approach, sirens blaring.

GANGREL (with a burning ring o' far) & EDGE (with Christian) v. LOD TWO
THOUSAND - How come they still have "ooh what a rush" to start their theme
if they've booted out the guy who says it, HUH? Take a drink every time
someone says "demons." As soon as they hear the bell, there's a doublteam
and Edge is out. Double back body drop on Gangrel. Droz with a flying
clothesline on Gangrel. Gangrel somes back, taking his head to the
buckle. Tag. Double drop on the top rope. Christian holds him from the
outside while Edge delivers a double team dropkick. Tag, doubleteam whip
of Gangrel into Droz. Edge meets Droz. Droz comes back with a big slam
and gets 2. Oh boy, HAWK is out and - he's climbing the TitanTron
scaffolding. Both Droz and Animal decide to go check out what's going on
with Hawk and get counted out (2:15) because they're STUPID. We go to ad
break before we figure out what the heck Hawk's gonna do now that he's on
top of the rigging.

When we come back, Hawk is threatening to jump! Animal: "This wrestling
business ain't worth this!" "I want you to LIVE with this! I want to go
out in a blaze of glory! He's misleading you! You don't know!" Animal
is trying to talk him out of it and Droz is asking Animal how the hell he
could have lived with that for so long. Now PAUL ELLERING is out to talk
him down. Paul: "Hawk, Hawk I wish I could say I know how you feel, but
I can't! What I do know, Hawk, is that you're a troubled spirit, I know
that, Hawk, and I also know that right now you don't care very much about
your life, but *I* care about your life! My family cares about your life!
My kids still call you 'Uncle!' Hawk, listen to me, Hawk, remember when
you, Animal and I would drive down the highway and you would tell us the
story of your mother? Six months before she died, Hawk, you KNEW about
it, and SHE knew about it, and every day she told you, she told you that
things would always work out. You have to draw on that Hawk, you have to
draw on that know. Hawk, you're not alone! Everybody in this world has
failed, Hawk, you're not alone. Hawk, Hawk, please, come down here, we'll
take it one minute at a time. We'll take it one hour at a time."
Meanwhile, Hawk: "Shut up! Go to hell! Ellering - you were the
beginning of my end! You, and Animal, and that stinkin' Droz and I can't
wait - YOU stay down , don't you come up for me!" Because Droz is
climbing up after him - which is probably the DUMBEST thing he could do in
this situation. Animal: "Mike, so what it hasn't been our best year, so
what, there's always next year, don't worry about it." Hawk: "You're the
last person I want up here!" Droz: "It's all right - it's all over."
Holy shit, Droz PUSHED him off! Everybody runs backstage as Ross gets
REAL quiet "He fell - he fell -" and we cut to another ad break.

Man, I know it's dumb, but I really DUG this.

WWF War Zone for the Nintendo ad.

Let Us Take You Back to Moments Ago - lots of replays as it sure LOOKS
like Droz pushed him. As in, that wasn't an accident. Well, you DO hear
Hawk hit the mat or whatever it was that he hit, and the shadow behind the
TitanTron looks more like a piece of wood than a human body, but...dammit,
it was STILL pretty cool. Lawler and Ross are both sober in their
delivery - oh, damn, I didn't intend that pun. We see the ambulance take
off as DOA console Ellering.

(THE LOVELY) SABLE comes out to be interviewed by MICHAEL KING COLE.
Lawler perks right up almost instantly. Sable's not a wrestler, by the
way. She dedicates the Championship to all the fans. SHANE McMAHON comes
out before I get too bored and says that the fans didn't make Sable, Mr.
McMahon made Sable. Shane talks about the unbelievable investment his
pops has made over the past three years - how he took another beautiful
face and made her a star. Sable says some stuff that I can't make out
because I cringe at hearing her voice. Shane says "oh, you must have
worked real hard, because that's what real women do." Sable says
something about the only women he knows are the ones he can buy, but she
ain't for sale. Okay. Say, why DID Mr. McMahon bring back Sable after
she lost that loser leaves town match?

Ross reports that Hawk was breathing, which would be good news if he'd
really fallen off the TitanTron.

Backstage, we see the Rock prepare for his title defense.

"MediEvil" brings you the Slam of the Week - Mankind explaining that he
wasn't pinned and he didn't submit - followed by the Rock walloping him
with the Championship belt.

We see the Two Musketeers and the Comissioner outfited in football pads
and helmets (it's all they could find on short notice - Sarge is wearing
his army helmet) - They enter the boiler room and call out for him
(Patterson: "Mick....Mick, we love you...") - Mankind, of course, has some
cool weapons and has no problem taking out all three of the Stooges. He
walks on...

Backstage, we see Stone Cold Steve Austin - he'll be next (is this the
last ad break?)

WWF Survivor Series encore promo.

One more time, VINCENT K. & SHANE are out, accompanied by Boss Man and now
King Ken. I love how people bitch about Vince getting too much airtime
just because I could live without EVER seeing Bischoff on my TV ever
again. "I want to let you know I'm not too happy about this Championship
Match. I resent the hell out of Stone Cold Steve Austin and the fact that
he would stoop so low as to associate himself with legal eagles that would
bring a contract into this ring, and let me tell you this: Austin, as far
as I was concerned, last night was the last time you would EVER..."
["asshole" chant] "...boy that's Southern hospitality for you, isn't it.
As far as I'm concerned, last night at Survivor Series was THE LAST TIME
Austin would EVER come close to being the WWF Champion - he had his
show and he blew it! Austin, you better be right, 'cause this is it.
Tonight, in Kentucky, your last shot. Right now, I would like to
introduce to you - the Corporate Champion - the World Wrestling Federation
Champion - THE ROCK!"

THE ROCK (with Team Corporate) v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN for the World
Wrestling Federation Championship - I wonder if those Rock shirts are
still selling. You know the great, REALLY funny thing is all those people
who ordered Rock shirts probably haven't gotten them in the mail yet, but
by the time they get them they'll be HATING Rock again. The "Rocky Sucks"
chant is back with a vengence. Anybody seen Kane or Mankind lately?
Anybody see the Undertaker tonight? Well, anyway, Austin comes out and
quickly fires away with rights, then kickin' and stompin' and stuff.
Whip, duck, duck, Rock grabs the rope and goes outside to a thunderous
wall of booing. Rock tries to walk back up the ramp, but Austin quickly
goes out after him and delivers the forearms. Big right hand. Was that
an Okie blow? Austin throws Rock in the ring. Snapmare, elbowdrop, 1, 2,
no. Suplex with authority. Another two count by Austin as I'm distracted
by a fan who jumped the railing. Rock hits a swinging neckbreaker and the
tide turns. Rock actually pushes away the ref but doesn't get
disqualified. Austin to the outside, Rock following, clothesline over the
barricade. Now Austin comes back with a barrage of rights. Austin has a
chair but Rock kicks him in the gut. Rock makes the drinky-drinky motion
(why?) then puts the boots to him. Austin's head meets the Spanish
commentary table and then, the Spanish commentators. Your Spanish
commentators are Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savitovich. Now Austin is firing
back and the ROCK is laid out on the ENGLISH Commentary table. Piledriver
attempt on the floor is countered with a back bodydrop. Lariat by the
Rock. Mammoth "Austin" chant. Austin thrown back in. Right hand by
Rock, whip, sleeper! Austin backs him into the corner, elbows out, right
hand, whip, reverse, back elbow by the Rock. Bodyslam. Don't tell me -
he's still going to try it - Corporate elbow (with drinky-drinky hand
motion) HITS! To the rear chinlock. Crowd is RABID. Arm falls once, arm
falls rwice, arm don't fall thrice. Austin is up, elbow out, Rock ducks a
lariat and delivers one of his own for 2. MANKIND is out to get to Vince
but Boss Man ties him up. Rock has another chinlock on while this is
happening. Shamrock stands between Boss Man, Mankind and Vince and Shane.
Now Boss Man is holding Mankind and Shamrock is putting the boots to him.
Straight right hand from Shamrock. Vince is taunting Mankind while Austin
is back up - they're trading blows - now it's all Austin. Kick, Stunner
attempt is blocked! Rock Bottom attempt is countered - kick, STUNNER!
Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner gets into position, 1, 2, Shamrock pulls him
out! Meanwhile, UNDERTAKER & PAUL BEARER are finally in the building,
Undertaker brandishing a shovel. On the outside, Austin slugs Shamrock
and he and Hebner are back in. But Undertaker LEVELS Austin with the
shovel. Hebner has no choice but to call for the bell (DQ 6:00).
Undertaker rares back for another shovel shot, but Bearer stops him. The
McMahons don't exactly know what's going on, but take this opportunity to
take their leave of the situation. Amazingly, we fade out before Kane
shows up. Maybe he doesn't. Good night everybody!