Quite Possibly My Best Invention Yet

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One of the loveliest people I know is Natalie Carter. Who is a Realtor. She’s an excellent confidante, supporter of even the zaniest of notions, and embodies the concept of fabulousness itself. Seriously, if I were ever invited to the Oscars, which I probably will be soon, I will bring Natalie and wear her fat clothes.

One day I offered to come over and feng shui Nat’s place. She had some kind of funky dusty stuff in her love corner, and we put some plants and a $50 bill in her prosperity corner. The next day, SWEAR TO GOD, Nat got a call from a man who was interested in buying a place. And had several business partners. She sold eight properties on that call.

For myself, a couple years ago I shifted around my prosperity corner, which is the lefthand corner of my bedroom, and the next day I got a call from the lovely and delightful Anthony Yeo, who ended up hiring me for the job I hold now.

So. Anyway.

I also do quite a bit of yoga.

When you put two, two, two great tastes in one, you get FENG SHUI YOGA.

Now, if that sounds a little too Grape Nuts and Yogurt for you, consider this: Yoga is a more ancient healing practice than penicillin. Yoga keeps people young and healthy and beautiful. Feng Shui, really, is another word for prayer and visualization and “putting it out the the universe.”

When you combine the two, you have the physical manifestation of the prayer. So whatever corner you practice in, you’re working toward that end. For example, tonight I was in the prosperity corner. With the intention of making obscene amounts of money so I can make life better for everyone around me. (Funnily enough, I had a very good audition for Deal or No Deal’s new syndicated show on Monday).

So. We’ll just see. I’ll keep you posted. Even though it’s crass to talk about money.

Vanessa, yer my cousin and I love you but if there are two things I can’t abide it is people talking about “the universe,” as the wish fulfillment center rivaled only by talk of cleansing “toxins.” So please no posts about toxins.

Good luck with all that money btw is my birthday present lost in the mail?

Wow, that’s kind of sad, Dan, because I was just going to ask the universe to cleanse my toxins.

I happen to like the thought of the Universe as my own cosmic personal payday loan outlet. And because my diet is mostly red wine and dark chocolate, I don’t think I have to worry about toxins, but thank you for your concern!