Search

My Other Blog

My NYT Bestseller!

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

I was working in the bakery late one nightWhen my eyes beheld a scary sight,My cake, from its pan began to rise,And suddenly to my surprise

It did the Smash, it did the Cake Wrecks Smash,The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash.It did the Smash, it caught on in a flash.It did the Smash, it did the Cake Wrecks Smash.

From the well-equipped kitchen in the bakery east,To the pantry in the basement where I keep the yeast,The ingredients came up from their humble abodesTo get a jolt from the oven’s electrodes.

They did the Smash, they did the Cake Wrecks Smash,The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash,They did the Smash, they caught on in a flash,They did the Smash, they did the Cake Wrecks Smash

The sprinkles were having fun,The party had just begun.The guests included some sugar,And butter by the ton.

The scene was cooking, all were digging the sound:Wooden spoons on chains, backed by baying horehound.The Mixing Bowl Bangers were about to arriveWith their vocal group, the Frosting Tips Five.

They did the Smash, they played the Cake Wrecks Smash,The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash,They played the Smash, they caught on in a flash.They played the Smash, they played the Cake Wrecks Smash.

Out of the canister flour’s voice did ring,Seems like he was troubled by just one thing.Opened the lid, shook his spoona, and said“What ever happened to my rockin’ Macaroona?”

It’s now the Smash, it’s now the Cake Wrecks Smash,The Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash,It’s now the Smash, it caught on in a flash,It’s now the Smash, it’s now the Cake Wrecks Smash.

Now everything’s cool, flour’s part of the bandAnd the Cake Wreck Smash is the hit of the land.For you, non-bakers, this Smash was meant, too,When you see all your friends, give ‘em a Cake Wrecks Ooob!

Then you can Smash, then you can Cake Wrecks Smash.Cake Wrecks Smash, it’s no bakery trash.Then you can Smash, you’ll catch on in a flash,Then you can Smash, you did the Cake Wrecks Smash!

I was at my local grocery store yesterday, and saw one of those giant cookies decorated for Halloween. Being someone with a usually malfunctioning social filter, I said (very loudly) "SPERM!" My husband whipped around and said WHAT? I just pointed at the cookie, and said again "SPERM!"

Just 1 more day! Jen and John will be in Toronto tomorrow!(I have "The Monster Mash" stuck in my head today.)

I was looking at the cakes on my favourite siteSnickering at Halloween’s bakery blightThere’s icing blob confusion, and some missing eyesBut old Frank’s nose was the greatest surpriseThe monster flashed!His spider hair-clip might clash*the monster flashed*Sperm ghosts are always a smash*the monster flashed*Are those crumbs or a rash?*the monster flashed*That’s a broom? Balderdash!Wa-Oooo

Mel, great minds think alike, right? Your version of Monster Mash wasn't up yet when I did mine. I think it's just too funny that we did different versions of the same thing. Kudos to you, though, for doing the whole song! Wow!

I like those claw or talon or witch finger cupcakes. I think they are fairly well done. Kids would like them too, at least mine would!What did you see wrong with them? They even have one digit different for the thumb. Oh, they aren't the Sunday kind of cupcakes, but they are much better than "wrecks."

I was just going to write that I couldn't make out the teeth on cake (er, cookie) #2, when it clicked. And they appear to have red gummy fangs! Still can't figure out the green & orange, though. Maybe they're biting into a pumpkin from above?

I wonder what the baker would say if you asked what these cakes meant?cake 01- "Well, as you can see, these are frozen sausages and whipped cream on a puree of silly-string."cake 02- "*scoff* Well, those are OBVIOUSLY vampire teeth on marmalade and guacamole!cake 03- "It uh, appears to be underwear on a white backdrop, with graham cracker bits.[duh!]"cake 04- "..."cake 05- "What do you MEAN it looks like his nose is making a dirty gesture?"cake 06- "oh, so you've never tried to decorate a cake with only five minutes to spare? Well I thought it looked like a broom!"cake 07- "It's happy smile-y balloons with a pair of eyes and two depressed pumpkins. any more questions?"cake 08- "We're closed, go away."HAPPY HALLOWS EVERYONE!

Okay, I've posted before when people have said 'I don't get this, can you explain?' but now it's my turn to be confused... I don't get the 'window pane' line for cake number 4. I can see why it's a wreck, and I get the 'ow' bit ... and I can see how the sideways teeth look like a window frame ... is there more to it than that? Is there a reference I'm missing? (Am I going to have to smack myself in the head when someone tells me?)

disembodied hands, I see.half moon with few teeth, I see.big green wtf blob, I see.Mo from the candy store, I see (Stephanie Plum reference, it's the first thing I thought of: old Penis Nose).sunken-in spider web of doom, I see. other "part" noticed after some scrutiny.the eyes from cake #3, I see.kumquats, I see.

teeth? on cake #2? nope. turned my head left. nope. turned my head right. nope. asked the dog's opinion. nope. gave up and re-read the posts from mel & zoomom several more times each. :D

No, no, no! Cake #2 is the naked baby carrot jockey's teeth once they have grown old and the carrots have decayed a bit! Didn't you know that, in addition to being naked, babied and accomplished carrot jockeys, the kids are secretly vampires as well?