All Things Not Popular Including Why I Haven’t Read 50 Shades of Grey

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This is a post that I don’t want to write. I have a feeling it won’t make me popular. And after all, isn’t being the “most popular” blogger what really feels good?

Let’s be honest. It does.

I can sit here and lie to you and tell you that I don’t care if I get comments and I don’t care if other people read my blog. I could even lie and say that I write ONLY for me. Or that I don’t get offended when certain bloggers ignore me or won’t follow me back on twitter.

But, as a Christian, lying doesn’t get you far. At least not in God’s eyes.

The truth is…I write this blog for many reasons. Yes, one of them is for me, but MANY more of them are for YOU. I want readers. I want comments. I want to be popular.

Call it human nature. Call it being a woman. Call it what you will. I like to call it the truth.

All of this fuss about “blog rules” really has me thinking. Since when did the king of the internet create blog rules? In fact, isn’t that what is so enticing about the internet? There are no rules.

I think what it comes down to is judgement. Everyone has an opinion on “how” they think people should run their blogs. It’s so easy to judge others and say “Well, I would NEVER do a giveaway on my blog”…or…”How dare she disclose how much money she makes”…or “Can you believe she doesn’t reply to every comment she gets”…

Trust me. I’m guilty as charged. I find myself “judging” other blogs all of the time. I am no better than you.

But you know what we should be doing instead of judging? We should be supporting one another. We will all be judged one day…and it won’t be by any fellow blogging friends. I think we tend to lose sight of that. Don’t you?

And while we are on the subject of “all things NOT popular”can we talk about “50 Shades”?

Yes, “50 Shades of Grey”.

*Did she just go there? Why, yes she did.

I’m not writing this because I am trying to start a huge debate. I’m writing it because I am truly conflicted.

I think every friend I know has read it.

I own the book. I bought it off Amazon about 4 weeks ago.

Every part of me wants to read it. I want to see what the big hype is. Why every living woman thinks this book is the best thing since sliced bread.

But, then, there is this very HUGE part of me that doesn’t want to read it. And before you go thinking I am judging YOU for reading it let me say this…

Everyone has their OWN opinion. Their OWN beliefs and their OWN reasons. If you are OK with reading it and, in your heart, you were not conflicted then that is fine with me. I do not think ANY less of you.

I am just trying to decipher how I {ME not YOU} really feel about it.

*You read that right? I am not saying “YOU” should feel a certain way.” I am saying “this is how I feel.”

You may or may not agree with me. And that is ok.

After all, when was the last time that someone was argued into being saved by Christ? Never.

OK, so let’s talk about a few things, shall we?

Dominance “the state that exists when one person or group has power over another.“

Sadism “derivation of pleasure as a result of inflicting pain or watching pain inflicted on others.“

Masochism “the receiving of pleasure—often sexual—from acts involving the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation.“

It is classified as erotic literature. In case you need me to define that too…

“fictional and factual stories and accounts of human sexual relationships which have the power to or are intended to arouse the reader sexually.”

Can we agree that most of those things are not okay? Tell me we can at least agree on that.

Is reading about it in a book really any different? God created sex to be a partnership that’s fueled by love not pain and humiliation. It seems to me that this book not only misuses sex, but it redefines it into something hurtful and evil.

If the tables were turned, and my husband was going crazy over the male equivalent of “50 Shades”, posting about it on Facebook and Twitter, do you think I would be mortified? You can give that a big fat yes. I don’t care if all of his other friends were doing it. Last time I checked…if all your other friends were jumping off a cliff, would you jump too?! No!

In fact, if I’m being uber-honest here…I have been in previous relationships where porn was an issue. Do you know how that made me feel? Not so lovely. In fact, I was very hurt.

But then there is the part of me that hears this…

“The book is just descriptive writing.”

“You must read this book because it will do crazy things for your sex drive.”

“There actually is a really good plot/story line despite all the sex.”

“50 Shades of Grey made me want to jump my husband and swing from the ceiling fan.”

I like to think that my husband and I have a pretty great sex life {TMI}, but who doesn’t like the idea of a “better sex drive”? And when my friend told me it made her want to “swing from the ceiling fan”…I thought to myself…NOTHING has ever made me want to swing from the ceiling fan. Maybe I need to read this.

But do you know what I want more than to go swinging from my ceiling fan {which I’m pretty sure would not hold me anyway}?

I want to honor God.

If I were standing in church being asked if I read this book…what would I want my answer to be? Or if I were at the feet of Jesus being asked this very question, what would I want to say? Would I be willing to admit to my small group that I jumped on the bandwagon and read “50 Shades”?

And just because pornography is accepted in society doesn’t mean that Christian women should accept it. We are called to be different.

So the conflict in my heart remains…is it sin or not to read “50 Shades of Grey”?

God bless you for standing up for our Lord and sticking to your morals, Christian morals. I too, bought the book out of sheer curiosity but have yet to read it. It is hidden in one of my draweres – which speaks volumes. If I have to hide something from my husband that speaks loud and clear. So what if it makes peoples sex lives sky rocket, surely they can find other ways, like reading the bible together and praying together as a couple, to become more intimate not only with God, but with one another as well.
I rate this book right up there with The Shack, which was out and out heracy. (I know I’ll get blasted on this one, but I don’t care).
I am more concerned about honoring God than thinking about what others feel about how I feel about 50 and the Shack. We need more women like you out here blogging who stand up for what is truthful. As Christians, we will be mocked, scorned, spat upon, be the least favorite of the family,etc. I’ll take that over the world any day.

I don’t want to take up all of the blog space, but I also wanted to add that my husband and I do NOT watch R rated movies because there is always sexual inuendo and the Lord’s name is blasphemed over and over. Sounds like this book is X rated.
I don’t judge others for what they do, but if I am given the platform to state how I feel I’ll do so with all of the powerful conviction and love God has given me. I live for Him and He breaths for me.
I am and will always be a sinner, but by God soverign grace and shedding of blood I have hope in Heaven where I can sit at the feet of Jesus. I look forward to my dance in His House.

Just wanted to say that I’m new to reading your blog and I don’t have one of my own but I saw your video chat the other evening and saw you there so I visited your blog and love it!! I just wanted to comment on your post and say thank you for being so honest about your feelings! As a Christian I also struggled with these same feelings about this book but so many of my friends have tried to tell me the same things that people told you, which really intrigued me but I knew in my heart it wasn’t the book for me to be reading!! So glad someone else has the same feelings!!! Thank you for your honesty and by the way you have a beautiful family!!!

Hi, I wanted to drop a guy’s perspective on this. Before you go crazy about a guy commenting let me explain. I’m so confused about this book. I thought girls wanted romance, love letters, and to be surprised with little gifts that make her feel special. I’m a Christian and I want to do that for my future wife. That sounds awesome and I thought girls wanted that not to be tied up and humiliated. Girls if you read this book you’re saying to guys that you are a girl who prefers bdsm over fun and romance. And if bdsm sound romantic from the book, then watch a porn video of bdsm. You may find that it is not the romance you thought it was. Trust me. I am a guy who has struggled with porn in the past. I stay away from bdsm videos but I have seen one or two before. Nothing romantic about it. It is degrading. Some women compare this book to Song of Songs. I don’t think so. If you read the start of the book, Solomon calls his new wife, my sister, my bride. He has respect for her and is awe struck by her beauty. And for girls who say they can handle it or it doesn’t affect them. That is called having confidence in the flesh. Guys do it with looking at girls on the street in tight clothes or cleavage showing (which by the way, really girls, don’t you want us to get to know you not your body). They take confidence in the flesh that they can stop there until about 3 hours later when the get home and get on the computer to look at porn. Don’t take comfort in your ability because we have none. All ability to see sex as good and pure in the context of marriage comes from God. Hope this gave a good guy’s perspective. I love all my sister’s in Christ. I just hope they learn to love themselves by looking to God on this one.

I completely understand where you’re coming from. When this book exploded on Twitter & Facebook I was intrigued. An avid reader, I didn’t want to miss out on a great book. After all, with all the hype that surrounded Twilight and The Hunger Games, I decided to read those and they were fantastic! Could this be similar to those in that way?

But then, my heart kept saying no. In my mind, I could justify reading it. But in my heart I couldn’t. And the main reason was because of those very questions you included in your post, I was also asking myself. And I kept coming up with a resounding “NO!” I would not want to admit to anyone that I had read the books. I’m glad I decided not to read them. But I’ve been shocked by how many Christian women I’m seeing on facebook and twitter, bragging about reading the books. It’s discouraging, disheartening, and last week after the proverbial “last straw”, I felt completely defeated as a Christian because I didn’t know how to stop a former youth group girl from reading the book. I used scripture, I used the story of my own struggle with temptation to read it, and still… I believe she ended up reading it anyway.

Since then, God has been using people around me to lift me up and encourage me. And today I Googled “christians and 50 shades of grey” and came across your blog. Which encourages me even more. So thank you, for writing such an honest post. I’m curious how things turned out, and if you ended up reading it or not. But either way, I’m glad you wrote this and I’m encouraged by this post. Trust that God used you to encourage someone today. And that someone was me.

Hey Regina! Thanks so much for commenting. I actually have not posted whether I ended up reading the book or not, but….I DID NOT! 🙂 I felt even more convicted after writing this article and hearing from other christians that I just knew that it wasn’t for me. I loved reading your thoughts and input and YOU just encouraged me that I made the right decision. So thank you.

I have the same conflict…….only difference is I gave into temptaion, and curiosity and have actually read a few chapters, all the while thinking is this right?, am I really honoring GOD? Is it a sin? How can I read the bible in the morning and read 50 Shades at night??? I am so confused. I consider myself a christian, and I think that the relationship between a person and GOD is a personal one. Most of my friends are christians that I have meet at church, and most of them do not drink, however I drink a glass of wine almost everynight with dinner, I do not get drunk and I do not let it rule my life. Does this mean I am “less christian”? I just wonder if that applies to this situation. Until I know in my heart for sure, how I really feel about reading this book I have decided to put it away. I am going to pray about it and speak to one of my leaders about it.

Ok, soooo I was in the same boat as you slightly. Wanting to read this book but being totally torn on actually doing it. Instead of buying it, I listened to the free audio version on YouTube. (i didn’t feel that great about the idea of purchasing it, especially bc of the type of book it was. I felt like it’d be buying porn for me). Anyway, I got through listening to the 1st 8 chapters before I absolutely HAD TO STOP LISTENING. Whilst reading those chapters, my body was feeling all types of desire I knew I wasn’t supposed to be feeling (oh did I mention I’m a single young Christian woman?) Ya…bad idea on my part. I felt so convicted after those 8 chapters for the lust that had risen inside of me. I don’t know why it was 8 chapters that did it and not the first 5 or 6, perhaps I was just tryin to test my limits? See how far I could lean without falling. Well, I feel in the end bc I instantly felt the damage it had done to me. Firstly, lust. Now as a married woman, you have a husband to relieve you of that. I don’t. So single Christian women, deff not a good idea to read this! It will only lead to self gratification sexually, which is also damaging in the long run. Even if I was married, I would feel like it polluted my desire for my husband…I’d expect him to perform like the main male character in the book. I’d have set expectations for my husband mentally that I’d be disappointed if he didn’t live up too. Secondly, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO STOP THINKING ABOUT SEX! Even after I did stop listening/reading, the story was INSIDE ME. I mean the brain is a powerful thing. Memories strike feelings, feelings can be dangerous if they aren’t the right ones. I felt….dare I say, dirty, and like I had rebelled against God. Sounds dramatic, but that’s how I felt when i couldn’t shake the erotic sexual thoughts from my head. I’d involuntarily find myself replaying them over and over, and it was miserable for my spirit. This book isn’t liberating to say the least….in fact it does spiritually to you what the storyline was so infused with; bondage. It’s the demon of lust printed on pages that seem innocent bc its a book. But i would advise you NOT to read it. It’s not just harmless fun to get new ideas from to try with your spouse….its something that will infiltrate your entire body, making you feel things only your husband should make you feel. Images, sounds, they all pour into your brain reading this book. Just my opinion. If you are content with your current sex life, don’t look to this book. And if you’re not, STILL don’t lol. I regretted it soooooo much. Now I feel like i will involuntarily compare my future husband to the likes of this man in the book. I don’t want to and I’m asking God to cleanse and purify my mind. Let it be made fresh. I hope I gave some insight on it, and i hope you make the right choice. By all means I’m not saying if you read it you’re wrong. I’m simply saying this book comes with some consequences that women, Christian women especially, are not prepared to handle spiritually.

I didn’t know why people talked so much about this book, then I started to read the reviews and realized why it is so “interesting”. No one is interested in the story but the “erotica” in the book. I don’t think is right to read about sex “this way” when you are christian and SINGLE, because it will make you start fantasizing and letting thoughts in your mind of things that are not for you until you are married. EVERYONE is reading this book! and all the others and us start thinking about reading it, because everyone is doing it! but is not RIGHT!

Well persoanlly im a young single christian woman and have read fifty shades. I do not read the bdsm scenes, only the ‘vanilla’ sex scenes, which is just sweet love making between them. Personally I see nothing wrong with just reading these parts, as God created sex to be enjoyed and reading about sex isnt wrong is it?

Thanks for the encouragement, I was wondering if I was the only one so hung up on NOT reading these books! We are called to be “holy” and “set apart”. To see other Christian women reading this book “because everyone else is” (which really is the only explanation isn’t it?!) and even bragging about it, has left me feeling dismayed and bewildered. Since when did soft porn become ok?! If you have to skip or skim-read certain sections of a book, isn’t that a good clue to stop reading it altogether? (And that’s not directed at anyone in particular, it’s just a general thing I’ve heard) The one question I keep coming back to was if Jesus was in the bookstore with you, would you be buying this book?…. For me, a most definite and absolute No!

Hello Mandy. I just want to say it’s your preference that counts the most. You don’t need to read what’s popular out there. If you ask me, reading 50 Shades of Grey is kinda entertaining – because all books should be.

My husband and I are both Christians. My husband bought the book for me. I do not intend to act upon it outside my marriage nor do I expect my husband to start dominating me. Why is it Christians think sex between a man and wife can’t get kinky as long as it is kept between the couple, is safe, doesn’t demean or demoralize either partner and is equally satisfying for both?

THANK YOU!!! I was also conflicted about reading this … your final two paragraphs, however, took away all conflict. I am comfortable with my decision NOT to read the book; however, I would not condemn anyone for whatever decision he/she makes.

Hi, I am a young girl who just started reading this book today. I found a place to read it online and honestly I doubt I will finish it. I am just barley past the first questionable scene which has no “bsdm” in it and that was almost a bit to much for me. Though I thought I’d say to some of you who voiced concerns about wanting to read it because it was supposedly a “well written book” in a personal opinion I’d have to disagree. It seems like a Fanfiction, it is written nicely but at un-professional level. The actual plot (so far) is not so bad if that counts. It may be just the fact I am reading the E-book but there are so many mistakes in it, it actually gets a bit irritating. The word of an 18 year old probably does not mean much, but you are not missing out on to much in the literary sense. Just look up “Fanfiction” -non explicit of course, and you can tell what I mean in the writing style. (Somewhere I even read the book started out as Fanfiction)

I am a 18 y/o girl. I know it’s kinda late posting this considering it’s almost a year since u post this. But I just want to give my 2 cents worth opinion here.
I have bought the 50 shades Trilogy and stated the 50 Shades of Grey. I’m a Christian too. And I do feel sometimes in the middle of the reading, I shouldn’t continue reading because I knew it has BDSM content, meaning lust, which is forbidden by God.
But from another perspective, if I just read it as a FICTION, and not be affected by the content or be too engrossed in it. I think it should be fine.

There is an excellent book Fantasy Fallacy. The author will intro duce you to the trilogy and then explain why it should not be read and talks about healthy fantasies. She is a therapist and a Christian.
I work with sexually trafficked children…as young as 3 yrs. It is this “fantasy” and “its not real” that is adding more full to the dire of Human Trafficking. What those details and images do to us is amazing. God gave us His Word and his boundries for a reason. If you have read it, God does not condemn you, He is loving and compassionate, but ask Him remove the fantasies now occuring and the guilt. Yur partner can NEVER replicate what is in those books. why would you want him to? BDSM? No, not in Gods plan

I never looked into this book because although the entire world seems to be going crazy over it, I knew it was somewhat of a worldly fantasy and just never looked to waste my time.
I try to use my time to do things that would educate me and make me a better Christian.
I never knew that it was this bad.
Just some advise, I found out that my 15 yr old relative is reading this!
They are Christian and her parents obviously do not know.
She is the kind of kid who has always been getting into trouble and this just adds to her portfolio. What should be done in a case like this? Just wanting to get some feedback from some of you gals out there.
Thanks.

Found this to be a great post. This book really had a lot of hype around it. I have no intention of reading now but I was considering it. I saw someone commented on similarities with twilight. Then I thought, why was that okay with the fantasy evil vampires? I’m sure those are not of God… I feel as Christians immoral sex and lust are treated as worse issues than things like demons etc.. It’s hard and I think there will always be that conflict.

Love your blog! Good for you to share so boldly your personal convictions in a Godly way as an example for other women…. and your children!

I have not read the book, have no desire to read the book and for the same reasons you point out do not plan to read the book. I also do not judge others (friends of mine included) that chose to read the book. That was their decision. But I would rather think on things that are lovely and of good report and that honor God.

I have read the book and I claim to be a Christian. In reading the book I was more focused on how something that happened to a child can affect that badly into adulthood and turn to such perversion to cope with it. Call me naive. The sex scenes did bother me a bit I felt very uncomfortable reading it.
P.S. Typed on my phone please ignore typos.

Oh this was fabulous! I have not read the book and really have no desire to. It’s like when a new television show comes out and the title and previews definitely look like something I wouldn’t want to invite Jesus over to watch with me, then why would I even try to watch it to “see if I like it.”? Chances are, a part of me will like it…and that part of me needs to be hit with a truck, not fed, lol.

Like the radio station I listen to says, “Garbage in, garbage out. Good stuff in, good stuff out.” I choose to protect my mind from the garbage, the bad stuff. I AM NOT READING 50 SHADES! If you read it, you can’t unread it! I believe it is pornography and inappropriate reading. I’m sad to report my husband who rarely reads, is reading this trilogy. Please pray for us. Thank you. Nancy

Thank you for saying what needs to be said! The key word here is “grey”. The Bible says, “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. (Revelation 3:15,16). This is not a book for Christians. This is a worldly deception. I am shocked at my relatives who saw this movie and posted on Facebook. Do not be deceived by the evil one. This book glorifies perverted sex which is not what God designed. Sex does not have to be perverted to be beautiful and enjoyable.

I am just as conflicted as you are. I’ve had this book in my possession since it came out. A friend gave it to me. I have yet to read it. I’ve thought about it many times and was tempted to see the movie, but when it comes down to it, I just don’t want to. Also, I have a 12 year old daughter that is mortified every time a preview comes on and she can’t stand that I have the book. I thought to myself, I wouldn’t want her in that kind of relationship when she grows up. I’ve decided that I am getting rid of the book and not seeing the movie.

Thank you for reiterating what I have been trying to impart to a friend, who says she is a Christian. Respect for the Lord first and just plain morality second. How I have been attacked on her FB page. That I don’t know them, throwing stones living in that glass house I have never seen. I must arm myself with the Word of God and listen for His words to help me with this fight.
Keep up the good posts.

Hi, I am a young, single Christian girl. I had struggled over the past year about just watching the movie…I have not read the book. I told myself I would just watch the movie for the plot line, because I have heard from several friends that the “plot is good” outside of the sex scenes in the movie. Finally, I caved in late one night and watched it after a year of fighting it off, justifying that I was just interested in the story….but deep down, I knew I was there to also fuel my sexual hunger, especially as a virgin. I agree and disagree about being ok with just watching the movie for the sake of the story line, and stating that the sex scenes will not bother you…but remember to ask yourself why you are truly watching it. And will you be prepared with the scenes that are thrown at you even with the mindset that it will not bother you….the mind is a battlefield . I truly wish I had not watched this movie now, I know I will not ever read the book. I realized that in not choosing to watch this movie and other future movies/novels like this, I will have nothing to compare to my future husband and for the beautiful chapter that God has played out for us and the sexual intimacy, closeness, and pleasure He gifts us with. For those who have read the book and seen the movie and felt guilty, it’s ok….as long as we realize that it was a mistake, we learn and grow stronger from it, we remember how merciful and loving our God is and pray for forgiveness if it has caused us to lust/sin in any way, and pray for strength the next moment we are tempted. …Moments like this realize how incredible and unfathomably loving and merciful our Father is even when we fall short.