Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Red dye, Beet Juice and a Blood Sucker

I volunteered as the Judas Goat in our attempt to reconvert Marylou Brombach to humanity. She was a semi-vampire in the tradition of Mordecai Blount and only an anti-semi-vampire concoction could save her.

We mixed the formula in my parent’s kitchen using equal parts crushed fresh garlic, olive oil and holy water. Since oil and water don’t mix, we had to keep shaking the mixture. To simulate blood, we added beet juice and a little red food coloring. The food coloring brightened the beet red to approximate fresh blood.

While Mrs. Brombach and Becky Stewart prepared the mixture, I fiddled around in the garage to affix a glass jar with a long tube which I passed through a rubber stopper. I “borrowed” the parts from Mr. Blinkmonger’s chemistry class. To the end of the plastic tube I attached a length of cow vein using duct tape and spit. I had obtained the blood vessel from the meat market in downtown Wheaton.

We filled the jar with the anti-semi-vampire mixture and ran a little through the tube and cow blood vessel hookup so it would flow immediately when sucked. We then duct taped the jar to my chest with the tube and blood vessel taped to my arm. The blood vessel appeared to have slipped out from under my bandages covering the stitches on my arm. With the setup complete, Mrs. Brombach drove me to her house.

Mrs. Brombach went to bed while I waited in the dark living room for Marylou to return from her evening of bloodlust. Our plan depended on her having enough blood frenzy left over when she returned home to be glad to see me.