Ask a Guy: How Can I Show I Like Him Without Being Obvious?

I really like this guy who I met through mutual friends. Since we’re in similar social circles, we see each other kind of often. I feel like I’ve been a bit stand-offish with him because I get nervous around him and I’m afraid he’s gonna think it means I’m not interested.

I just want to know how to show him enough interest so he asks me out, but not so much that it’s obvious because I know that’s a turn-off. Any advice??

Being too obvious about interest isn’t a problem. Confident women aren’t concerned with this. Think about it, if a woman is secure and confident, she’ll see her attraction to a guy as a good thing. If a woman is insecure, she’ll see her attraction as something that would turn the guy off and feel like it needs to be “not obvious” or hidden…

From personal experience, I’m not turned off when a woman is clearly interested in me, so long as I’m interested in her…

It’s not the interest that’s the problem… it’s the feeling that you need to make him interested.

If a woman just relaxes and assumes he’s interested, she just enjoys her time and interaction with the guy in it of itself. If he doesn’t interact or vibe with her in a way that she’s looking for, she moves on.

However, sometimes a situation isn’t so cut and dry that the guy starts out interested… this is where you might wonder: How do I make the guy I want interested in me?

Well, it sure as hell isn’t about hiding interest… the key ingredient is the opposite: being genuinely interested in the guy… not trying to act some way because it will make him like you…

Not everyone is meant to like everyone else. Certain people are better matches than others – it shouldn’t be looked at like being obvious or not-obvious about interest is a way to make a man like you.

The only time this would make a difference is if the guy is so egocentric and insecure that he feels that he needs a woman to be interested in order for him to feel good about himself. The problem is, it doesn’t really even work with ego-centric guys since because once they realize she’s interested, he’ll disappear too. Why? Because he wasn’t there for her… he was there for ego-fuel.

Back to the matter at hand… Men in general (myself included) are attracted on a mental/emotional/psychological level to women who are interested in them… specifically, interested in their mission in life. What is it that’s meaningful to him? What does he want to achieve? What does he want out of life?

Not everyone wants to be a high-achiever, but every single guy has stuff that’s meaningful to him that he wants to go for.

When a woman is interested in that part of his life, it activates him. It makes him want to share himself with you and have you in his corner. It makes him want to become the man he’s always wanted to be… the key to it is feeling that he has a woman in his corner.

Our culture seems preoccupied with the notion that pretending not to like a guy will somehow make him interested. Not only do guys see right through it, but it’s a total missed-opportunity to create a real connection… a connection where you recognize what’s meaningful to him and, in turn, he wants to bring you into his life further.

As for your looks, it’s been said again and again that men are visual creatures and your looks matter. At the same time, a man’s standards are nowhere near as ruthless and impossible as what you see depicted in magazines, advertisements, movies, TV shows, etc.

Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I can tell you that marketers are well-aware that insecure people make excellent customers. So while on the one hand I do strongly advocate you striving to look your best (with exercise, with diet, with makeup/hair/clothing, etc.), the other side of things is to make sure that you’re happy with yourself.

Once you know you’re doing the best you can, there’s no sense whatsoever in beating yourself up over your looks. True beauty has two components: how you actually look and how you feel about yourself.

So in terms of the physical side of attracting the man you want, make sure you love yourself and your life in every way you can. I say this because if I could promise you that there’s one thing men find unanimously attractive, it’s a happy woman.

Hello Eric:
Thank you very much for such advice that are really helpful for relationship. I have some different problems!!
To make u clear about my situation, it is important for u to know some facts. I live in Bangladesh. Here in our society, mostly are Muslims and so we are. Still there are concepts like people coming for an arranged marriage are the gentle one. Parents are unwilling to accept an older as the bride. The guy should be older.
In our case, me and the guy were met through a friend of my elder sister. We liked each other very much and the day we met, he left Bangladesh for Netherlands as he’s a student of masters there. He suppose to return after completing study by August’16. We got connected in facebook and we chat almost every day. But problem is he never initiates it unless he has some specific things to talk about.Sometimes he calls me over cellphone and speaks like as long as he took as more words he has to say…. :)
He has a confusion about his parents concern; because I am 2 years older then him. He had been away from home since 7th grade because he was studying in a boarding school when he was just 12. So he is totally blind about how his parents will react on choosing an older girl as a life partner. His friend, while describing him to me, told that he is a bit shy and a very few words speaker but he is very much straight forward. both the descriptions matches well. But I told him that my family is okay with whatever I decide, but they are already trying to convince me about the age factor. though I can convince them.
He said that he doesn’t want to ruin that probability by having a distant discussion, but does not discuss about marriage so much with me. On the other hand, he tries to plan outings, knowing my choices and wishes and shares his as well. Even if I don’t initiate in one month, he doesn’t. sometimes it hurts.
Eric, I am so much in him. I want this relationship to work at any cost. The fact that attracts me is, he understands me very well, we are so comfortable with each other even from such long distance!! I can’t tell my family to wait but I want to wait for him. I can’t ask him so straight as he might take me for granted.
Hope to hear you soon.
one more thing I want to add is, how can I bring him in also in his behavior towards me?
I need your help, friend!!

I’m confused I don’t think im getting the guy i want.I visited a dating site 3weeks ago found a match he is 54 he travelled from gauteng to Pretoria north to see me,we had a long drive and he told me im the one but now i used to text and no response and i get worried so i asked him if he can make time for me he said this coming weekend but still no halo or goodmorning i then open up to him if i was pushing him into something he is not ready or sure of he then responded im sorry at times im too busy with my work such that i don’t even notice you exist so right now i don’t need a woman good luck with your search i was like what i cried im dumped im not lucky with man

Hi I need your help with asking a guy to my school dance. I am a football manger and the guy I want to ask one of the players on the team but I don’t know how to ask him. When I try to talk to him I get really nervous about it so can you please help me thanks. Sincerely, Jackie

I met this guy online and we been chatting and talking on the phone for 4 months and he always invite me to his place and offered to cook lunch. One fine day I decided to visit him… he did cook a very delicious lunch. Later after a bottle of wine we ended up having sex…the sex was good. He told me he is a guy who dont like to be controlled and likes to have his freedom. He had past relationship with women who are very possessive. I too had a bad breakup and didnt want any committed relationship for now. We enjoy our company alot. The issue is he never text or call me. I have to initiate everytime. When I call him, we end up talking for hours. Im confused, I dont want to look desperate but I like him alot and dont want him thinking Im clingly like his other girlfriends.

it’s because for us doing such things after discussing that we don’t want any committed relationship is showing to you that we were kidding about uncommitted relationship and we even want to get married :) it’s sound dumb but it’s what it is.

As far as being genuinely interested in the GUY, which I agree is the best way to reach him on a deeper level, any more tips on how a girl might go about doing that? I would like to get to know someone better, but I’m not always sure how to fun that out. It seems awkward to come right out and ask “sooooo what’s your mission in life?” Haha I know it probably takes some time to develop that close connection with someone, but what are some things I can say or questions I can ask to facilitate these kinds of conversations?