Last night at Nationals Park, the racing presidents honored the Olympics by running that most difficult of track events — the walk race. After it was announced that walk race rules were in effect, the racing presidents took off — slowly — in a painful demonstration of speed-walking while wearing a 10-foot costume.

Perhaps Teddy Roosevelt was sympathetic to the umpires’ desire to start the 5th inning, but before the pack had even reached the right field corner, he decided to take things into his own hands.

The Nationals Park crowd roared with approval as Teddy cut the outfield corner and broke into a sprint for the finish line. Of course, that buzzkill Screech was there to issue an immediate disqualification, and Thomas Jefferson was granted the victory.