stjames123bloghttps://stjames123blog.wordpress.com
Religious discussions about God and explanations of the bible.Thu, 22 Feb 2018 06:23:12 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngstjames123bloghttps://stjames123blog.wordpress.com
How To Have A Perfect., Great., Good..,uh Lasting Marriagehttps://stjames123blog.wordpress.com/2018/02/16/how-to-have-a-perfect-great-good-uh-lasting-marriage/
https://stjames123blog.wordpress.com/2018/02/16/how-to-have-a-perfect-great-good-uh-lasting-marriage/#respondFri, 16 Feb 2018 23:10:19 +0000http://stjames123blog.wordpress.com/?p=109MARRIAGE MANUAL:
HOW TO HAVE A PERFECT….GREAT…
GOOD………Uh, LASTING MARRIAGE

For the married couple or anyone planning on marrying.
(Remember Divorce Is BAD, but Murder is WORSE!)

by Gregory St. James Mundy

****** ON SALE AT AMAZON.COM****

******Following Comments and Reviews is the First Chapter of the Book ****

REVIEW:

” Very humorous, but straight to the point. A great read for couples”

“What I like best about this book is the intensive 100 questionnaire that will really tell you if you are ready for marriage or not.”

“After reading this book and you still want to get married, I guarantee you that you will have a lasting one, Great book — 5 stars”

” The book covers it all from Infidelity, Gambling, Spouse Abuse, Jealousy, Selfishness, Finance, Envy, Trustworthiness, Religion, Dominance, Equality, Sex, etc., etc., everything you need to know in order to have a great marriage”

“The book teaches you that no matter how perfect the person is that you are marrying, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage”

PREFACE

Marriage is a four-letter word……LOVE! Of course, some of us may have had a couple of other words come to mind. If you did…. this book is for you. There is an old saying… that nothing comes easy in life and whoever said that must have been married.
Before I proceed any further, let me assure you that this is not a book of put-downs on marriage. I truly believe that marriage is the greatest and most wonderful thing that can happen to two people, at least, it starts out that way.
Marriage is a beautiful thing and I personally feel that everyone should get married “Misery Loves Company”? Marriage is right for everyone, but not everyone is right for anyone. This is where we usually, run into a problem!
When two people who are totally different somehow end up being married and only then discover that they have nothing in common, this can create a problem. It is true that opposites do attract, but unfortunately, in the case where two people are totally opposite of one another the only real solution is dissolution.

Always remember there is an old saying that if it is not broken…, don’t fix it. I say if it only needs fixing… don’t throw it away.
If your marriage or relationship is not as good as you think it should be. Good, I say, because no matter how good the relationship, just like anything else, there is always room for improvement. Let me tell you now, the perfect marriage only exists in fairy tales. None of us are perfect so how could two of us ever make a perfect marriage.
To err is human, none is perfect but the Lord, we all make simple mistakes, etc. Let me quickly remind you now, that I said simple mistakes, not disastrous one.
We cannot have a perfect marriage and the sooner we realize this, the better off our relationship will be. I guess before we go any further; we need to look at what marriage is. Or should I say, what we think it is?
I have heard that three people can see one car accident and each one will have a different story of what they saw. The same goes for marriage. What you may consider as marriage may be totally different from what your spouse think marriage should be.
The first thing we need to do before discussing the subject of marriage is to know what the subject is that we are discussing. What is MARRIAGE?

Now, let us take a moment to think, I would like for you to take a moment and just try to think about what marriage is to
you. Just think of what your own personal definition is. (Remember…….this is nota test). Now, if the definition does notpop in your head immediately, then you are
like most of us.
For most of us do not know what we expect from marriage, let alone what our spouse expects from us in a marriage. If you quickly thought of marriage is being wonderful and they all live, like in the story, happily ever after.
You and I both know, that you are just kidding yourself. Don’t we wish, no my friend, stuff like that only happens in stupid romance novels.
If someone asked you why there are people who go around climbing mountains, you would probably have one or two answers to give them. First, because they are crazy or second because the mountains are there.
If you were to ask yourself, why I wrote this book on how to improve your marriage and make it everlasting. You would have one or two answers. 1.) For the money 2.) Because it is a major problem and the divorce rate are steadily climbing, plus fewer and fewer people are getting married these days.
If you feel that the first answer is correct, then you will probably place this book back on the shelf, after you have thumbed through it to see if there are any dirty pictures.
However, if you picked the second answer then you will find this book a necessity in making your marriage last.
In this book, I will attempt to explain what you should expect, and most of all what you shouldn’t expect from a marriage. I will try to help you answer that most important question…Is Marriage Right for Me?

Let me quickly answer that question for you by saying, a big YES. However, the real question is, is the person that I am marrying right for me, or am I the right person for him or her? We will also discuss other topics as…
Is there really a right age range for marriage? Will your marriage last longer if you marry later in life? Should the man be older than the woman? Can a liberated woman find happiness in marriage?
Why do some people marry three or four times, while others remain single their entire life? Can your parent’s marriage influence your marriage? If you get a divorce should you ever try marriage again?
Marriage…what is it? If you were to ask anyone walking down the street, probably everyone would be able to give you an answer. The question is would any one of them give you the correct answer.
According to the dictionary, marriage is… 1) the mutual relationship between a husband and wife. 2) wed-lock. 3) An institution where men and women are joined in a social and legal dependence for maintaining a family. 4) An intimate or close union.
Surely, we will all agree that there is much more to it than what Webster says. Don’t you just love that word “WEDLOCK”? No wonder so many single people think of marriage is being locked up in jail. I mean just the sound of it sounds evil…like “WARLOCK”.

Luckily, the idea of marriage or wedlock has changed significantly over the years. In the past, some women may have viewed marriage is bondage or being subject to a master.
Before women rights and liberation, marriage probably did seem like you were dealing with a warlock. Even today in some cultures, women may view marriage more as a reluctant event than a looking forward to an enjoying adventure.
In some cultures, if not just about all, some women are seen as second-class citizens. Even in religious societies, some people use the bible to say that women should not be treated equal to men. That woman came from man’s rib and should be beneath him.
To them I say, that Adam did not create woman, God did, the same one who created Adam. For Eve was not to be Adam’s playmate, but to be his soul mate.
Some wives are not allowed to drive or own property in some cultures. Some wives must dress conservatively, not show their face or parts of their bodies. Some men during an anonymous questionnaire even said that they felt offended if their wife made more money than them.
All I can say to that is, Oprah, I am not like that, if you ever decide to leave Stedman, you can have my number. Some women whose husbands have beaten and mistreated them, blame themselves for no longer being pleasing to the eye of their spouse. Unfortunately, even today there are still, stone-age barbarians who still see women as being dragged by the hair, barefoot and pregnant.

However, in most countries today, I hope that most people (even chauvinist pigs) know that to have a meaningful relationship it cannot be all one-sided, but it must be equal.
For one to have self-fulfillment and tranquility in a real marriage there must be love. Love cannot be divided unequally but must be distributed equally for it to survive.
Love is sharing, not dominating or ruling over someone. Love and marriage must be a two-way street that requires giving and receiving from both sides.
Sure, when the two of you do not agree on something and a decision must be made. If there is no room for compromising than one of you will have to give in. This is all right…if it is not always the same one always having to give in all the time. So, let me say before you start reading my book, remember you can’t live with them, but you can’t live without them.
Unfortunately, sometimes that is how marriage and life really is. Nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy. No Pain No Gain. You reap what you sow. Just like for a successful business, few people achieve it overnight. It takes long hard-working hours and sleepless nights.
If you don’t have the time, then you going to have to make the time. Being successful in business is not easy and marriage can be looked at the same way. However, the rewards you receive in the long run will be worth all the sweat and blood you poured into it at the beginning.
Yet, the biggest thing you must remember is this is not a single owned business, but a partnership type business. Where two people must work diligently together to have the business run and become successful.
If only one is working their butt off, while the other one’s butt is sitting on the couch, surely this business is going to collapse sooner or later.
It takes two to tango and when you are in a partnership, no matter how hard you work at bringing money in. If your partner is always wasting and stealing money out, your business is sure to fail.

Therefore, it is extremely necessary to know who you are getting into bed with (pardon the pun). No matter how hard you try to make it work if your partner is pulling in the opposite direction, you are fighting a losing battle. If you can’t get your partner to work with you than it is time for you to consider working alone.
However, after reading this book you will make sure that you do your homework and really know the person before you take that giant leap (for mankind).
If you have already taken that one small step (for man or woman) and now realizing that life on the moon is not right for you. I hope that this book will help you put both of your feet back on solid ground with your spouse or without.
All marriages are going to experience some bad times and the important thing is for you to be a good scout and always be prepared for the unexpected. You must work at a marriage to keep it going strong.
Unfortunately, one may have to put in more work than the other, just make sure the other one does his or her share. Just like everything else in life, marriage is what you make it, so if you are both working together, it has no choice but to work for you.

Once again, let me remind you, this book is written to encourage you to get married. It is not to frighten you away from matrimony, but only prepare you for it. Just like a good drill sergeant who prepare his men for battle. All right, I am in some marriages, sadly, guns and knives have been used.
The best that any sergeant can do is to prepare his troop for the worst scenario and hope for the best. I want you to go into marriage thinking that it is a dream come true, a life-long fantasy, but just in case, be prepare for whatever it may throw at you.
Marriage, we all know, is not war and should not be looked at in that way. However, just like war, the key is keeping your eyes up and your head down. Just remember none of us expect to have an accident, but we all take out insurance just in case.
Unfortunately, marriage doesn’t come with an insurance policy let alone a lifetime warranty. So, prepare yourself and always expect only happiness and enjoyment but be ready for anything that might come along. Speak softly, but carry a big stick, just in case you might have to use it. Remember, marriage should be wonderful and divorce, well it’s better than murder.
Marriage is Wonderful….and don’t you forget it. I have decided to make the book as short as possible. Trying to cover all the needed details without putting in a lot of fluff that will only distract the reader from the important points in the book. I know that most people do not have time to read and those who are considered bookworms, well there is always Tales of Two Cities for those kinds of people.

Chapter One

Marriage, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Is it just a want and not a need? Is it a stage of life that we all should go through? Is it the magical thing that will give us happiness, so that we all live happily together forever and forever? Well, at least until death do us part?
We could, of course, die together, now
wouldn’t that be special. All kidding aside, there is no single definition for marriage.
Marriage like many other things are viewed differently by different people. What may seem to be a perfect marriage for one couple could easily be viewed as disastrous for another. Take an example, the masochist marries a sadist.
It would be a perfect world for them, but most of us would not view it as the kind of marriage that we would want Yet, people tend to like different things and all I can say is to each his own. What is one man’s trash being another man’s treasure?
While there may be many who love you, I am sure that you can think of at least someone who may hate your guts. Of course, there is nothing wrong with you or let alone that you may had caused them to feel this way. It’s just that some people are like that, just looking for an excuse to hate somebody.
You can please most people, but no one can please everybody, but we still try, don’t we? There is always one in every bunch, but God, why did I have to pick that one? There may be some truth to the fact that to find a good spouse, look for a bad one and chances are that they will be together. Now, I am not going to ask, which one of you and your spouse is the good one (heh).
Marriage can be the most wonderful thing in the world and fulfill all your heart’s desires. Yet it can be the biggest mistake that you will ever make in your life and
it can truly become your worst nightmare.

Some people think of Divorce is being a nightmare, but it isn’t. Divorce for some people is a good thing because it can be an awakening from a nightmare just before the monster devours you. If you find yourself married to the wrong mate, believe me, divorce is a very good thing.
However, before we jump out of the frying pan into the fire, let us continue talking about Marriage. What most people view as a good thing, which it is when it is with the right person. It like the people who say guns don’t kill people, people kill people. You could look at marriage
the same way in the sense that marriage itself is good, it is just that people have a way of screwing it up.
Marriage itself stands for the joining of two people to share one another and work together to better each other through love, tenderness, kindness, and understanding.
Marriage is not where you work individual for a common goal, but where you work together as a team to achieve each other’s goals.
Not where we work to achieve just your goals or my goals, but our goals. You may want to put the house up to start an ice factory in Alaska, chances are that goal of yours isn’t going to happen. The goals that the two of you make should not be your own individual goals, but goals that will benefit both of you and you are both willing to work towards achieving them.
Your goals always sound good and possible to you, no matter how ridiculous they may be. Yet, if your spouse disagrees with their chance of success, then you should not be asking your spouse to work on your goals or depleting your joint saving account. If the goals are worthy and achievable with a guarantee to make you the next Bill Gates, then you should be able to achieve them on your own.

No matter if you want to admit it or not, we are born selfish. The first law of nature is self-preservation. The first thing that we are taught is how to look out for ourselves, how to fight to get our share at the table before all the food is gone. We are taught to always look out for ourselves because no one else is going to look out for you.
Always make sure that you get yours first before anyone else. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking does not go too well within a marriage. It is extremely hard for us to understand what is meant by, it is better to give than to receive? Before we were married or even grew up, we probably set some goals in life that we planned to achieve. These goals back then may have seemed sound to you, but as us or we (spouse and your kids) your goals may now seem out of reach.
To you, your dream may have been to become a doctor, but if you have an unexpected pregnancy pops up in your life, money that was for medical school may end up going elsewhere. Let alone goals of yours that may involve both of your investments such as a house or the life savings for the two of you.
Nothing is wrong with disagreeing with your mate. If it doesn’t sound like a good thing to you, don’t think just because this is my spouse, I am to support him and go along with it, and then find yourself living in the streets.
Sure, you are supposed to be supportive of your spouse, but this does not mean that you should always agree with your spouse, especially if you feel strongly about it. Neither one of you should ever feel obligated to agree with your spouse on something that you know you disagree on.

Supporting your spouse does not mean that you must be a fool for them. You can support your spouse by not agreeing with them and therefore, saving them losses and pain that they could bring on themselves (or you and your family)
Anyone can be wrong for every successful big business like rich Bill Gates, believe me, there are several defunct business poor Hobos. If your spouse cries that you are not being supported by him because you will not take the chance to lose the shirt off your back. Then, you scream that he is very selfish and thinking of himself instead of we or us.
To have a fulfilling marriage, you must be willing to put the union (husband and wife) first before yourself or me. You need to start thinking about what is best and safe for us instead of just me. No one should ever feel bad about telling their love one NO! Especially if they feel that they are doing it for their well-being as well as their own or what is best for the family.
To be supportive of your mate can sometimes mean not agreeing with him or her but preventing them from making a huge mistake. You would be surprised at how many marriages collapsed because a spouse (feeling 100% against doing something) did it because they felt they should be supportive of their spouse.
Being supportive does not mean agreeing with everything your spouse think is right. Like starting a business or anything else, there cannot be any friction involved when you do this. You must both agree, and both must feel like it is the right thing. If you both work hard at it positively without any negative feeling, then it will have a much better chance of being successful.

However, you can’t work at something positively, when in the back of your mind, you keep saying, this fool is going to lose everything that we got! It is all right for a spouse to be supportive, but you also must be realistic.
You do not gamble with something that is important and if your spouse is willing to gamble your welfare away than I can tell you that he does not see your marriage as important. He is selfish and is only thinking about his goals and not considering your well-being or his own welfare.
Now remember, I said Marriage was a good thing, I did not say it was an easy thing. Let me make it clear that no marriage lives happily ever after. I don’t care how much the two of you are made for each other, not every day is going to bring sunshine. Some days it is going to rain and maybe you will cross a flood or two during your relationship. As any good insurance agent will tell you, that it is always good to have flood protection insurance.
If it looks cloudy outside, carry your umbrella, but it doesn’t mean that you will have to use it, but it is good to have it along just in case? You should think of your marriage the same way. No matter how perfect your marriage is, don’t ever take it for granted. Don’t think that it only rains in Indianapolis in the summertime.

Always know that no matter how good a driver you might be, you need only take your eyes off the road for a second and …well, you know what I mean. Just because your marriage starts out as 100% ripe, that does not mean that it will not sour as time goes on. Nothing in life is guaranteed except death and taxes, so always be prepared for the worst.
For an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Just like a car when you drive it, you don’t drive until it runs out of gas, you keep your eye on the gas gauge. The same with marriage, no matter how smooth it may be driving along, don’t forget to glance at that gauge every now and then.
Marriage is not like getting a job, where one day you plan to retire. No one gets married saying…I can’t wait until I get divorced, yeah just another three years and boy I’m home free. I’ve been married for thirty years just waiting for this day.
No, we all go into marriage expecting for it, or at least hoping for it, to last forever. A wedding takes a lot of work and money, but please don’t think just because you made it through the wedding ceremony, it is all smooth sailing afterward. The wedding, to some of us may be just the quiet before the storm. Just like anything in life, you must continue to work at it steadily for it remains successful.

Marriage is what you make it. It’s true like most things, it is really what you make it. The only problem is that it is not just what you make of it, but also what your spouse makes it. It takes two to tango, and like rowing a boat with two oars, if one isn’t moving, no matter how fast the other one rows, you will just end up going in circles.
You must work together and only through working together can you make it work. You don’t necessarily have to work hard at it because usually, it is only as hard as you make it. It is the auto mechanic you can pay me a little now (oil change) or pay me a lot later (new engine). Therefore, it is very important for you to keep an eye on your marriage maintenance schedule. Making sure that needed services are performed when needed so that later you will not be paying for a divorce.
Who is the troublemaker in your marriage? If you constantly create problems, differences, discrepancies, hard feelings, un-thoughtfulness, jealousy, carelessness, be honest now is it always your spouse’s fault? Problems in marriage doesn’t develop on their own, someone or both of you create them.
You may be washing your hands and notice a small cut and say how did that cut get there. Believe me, it did not get there by itself. Either you accidentally cut your hand without noticing it or maybe that spouse of yours did it while you were asleep?
The definition of marriage is not a hard one to define. I am sure that you have a good definition of it, unless you recently got divorced (where your definition may not be a good one, but a definition just the same). No, marriage is truly a good thing, a precious thing, and should always be thought of as such.
However, are all marriages good, of course not, why do you think we have divorce court. There are a lot of bad marriages, at least a few I am sure you can think of, that should have been divorced a long time ago.
The reason for that is because they were never real marriages in the first place. For a marriage to be lasting, it must involve two unselfish people, willing to give more than they receive, hardworking and love devoted toward the common cause of us, not me, and a hell of a lot of luck (just joking).

For us to be able to discuss how we can stop our marriage from becoming a failure, we must first know what a marriage is. The next important thing that we need to know is what exactly is a marriage failure or divorce.
When we speak of marriage there are several different meanings that may come to our mind. That is because each person will have their own personal meaning of what it means to them. We will all agree that it is a union of two people, but after that, we may find ourselves going into different directions.
Need it be a legal contracted union of two people, since in some states they practice common law marriages. Is it a vow for life or just until you get tired of the person? If you become a widow does this mean that you should not get married again? Some may say marriage is when a couple lives together for better or for worse.
However, living together could be just shacking up. Also, we must remember in some countries marriage is polygamy. The definition of marriage is not that easy to define. Now that we know that marriage is not an easy word to define, we must also realize that it is an even harder word to live up to.
In most marriages, not all, we can say that it is a ceremony usually between two separate individuals. Both are usually with different social-behavioral backgrounds and other differences. The major goal is for them to be able to love each other and to share this sacred love with one another knowing that they are different.

In our society, we have a lot of divorces on the ground of not being compatible. Not being able to live or get along with one another. However, when you really look at it, who in the hell really is compatible. We can hardly even agree with ourselves half the time, how are we to agree with someone else.
Even the best of friends, siblings, twins, and all spouses can’t always see eye to eye. In any relationship there will always come a time when you feel that you can’t get along with somebody. We are all different and just because your spouse likes to eat soup with a fork is no reason for a divorce…. well?
If you think that you will ever find anyone who likes to do everything that you do, I suggest that you start looking for this person, in front of a mirror. Everyone during their relationship will experience arguments and disagreements.
No one agrees with you all the time. It would be total nonsense for a person to feel that they must always agree with their spouse. If one says something that the other one feels is completely insane, then you should speak up! Hell NO! I don’t agree with your opinion on that!
You should take into consideration why someone might feel or think that way, but you should not have to change your opinion unless they can convince you that you are
wrong. In other words, there is nothing wrong with one spouse being a Republican and the other one a Jack Ass, uh Democrat. (It’s all right, I’m a Democrat and a real Jack Ass if you ask my wife).
When people say that they are no longer
compatible it could mean that they feel that
they have lost interest in their own
relationship. If your spouse appears to be losing interest in your relationship, it is up to you to find out who?
is knowing when the right one does come by. I know a lot of people who married their dreamboat and the marriage was later annulled. While others married less than they hoped for and ended up getting everything they ever dreamed of. As the old story goes…you can’t tell
a book by its cover (especially this book).

Marriage is like everything else in life, you’ve got to take a chance. However, the more you know about something the better your chances will be of getting it. If you could just look at someone and tell if they would be a good spouse, then we wouldn’t have divorces. Oops, there is that word again.
Sometimes, we listen to other people giving their advice on marrying someone, just so we can put the blame on them if things go wrong. Mom, you were the one who told me he would be a good husband…I knew I shouldn’t have listened to you! You rushed me into this, talking about you want to hear the sounds of little pity patty feet, I knew I should have bought a dog (instead of marrying one).
You must be able to think for yourself because you are the one who is getting married. Now, some of the men may say that most women tend to listen to others when they are picking out Mr. Right. Women on average always like to get a second opinion. Whenever a woman is trying on new clothes or a new hat, she always turns around to someone and says… How do I look in this? Do you think this hat goes with this coat? Men, on the other hand, will seldom ask how do they look…even when they should.
What I am trying to say is that if you let yourself be forced into marriage due to money, age, or whatever, you are the one who will be facing the consequences. If you
don’t like someone and your mother thinks
they are great then tell her to marry him. Never get married and then a year or so later ask yourself, why did I listen to her? You will only have yourself to blame. Most people feel that the older they get the wiser they get. However, remember, there is no fool like an old fool.

Just because you are getting older does not mean that you will not make mistakes. Just because one person is eighteen and the other person is thirty, does not necessarily mean that the thirty-year-old knows more about life. No matter if you are sixteen or sixty there is no way your age is going to guarantee you a lasting marriage.
If there was such a thing as a perfect age for marriage. we would all get married at that age. The age doesn’t matter what matter is the person you are marrying and your situation. On average the older you get married the more financially dependent you may be. Young people who get married are usually less financially secure.
However, people who marry real young and those who marry later still get divorced. For it’s true that money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you a lot of things that lovers need. If you think that Cinderella, Snow
White or Sleeping Beauty all had marriages where they lived happily ever after, you probably never read their stories entitled Part Two. One of the biggest problems that we face is that we expect for our marriages to be like the ones in the fairy tales.
Wake up. that stuff is not real! No marriage is going to be happy all the time. There will always be ups and downs just like there are in your regular everyday life. I do not know when the first fairy tale was written or when cavemen stopped grabbing women by the hair and started marrying them.
The question may not be when marriage began, but when it might end.

A fail marriage is a basic fear that keeps millions of people from jumping over the matrimony broom each year. That which keeps smiling faces on lawyers everywhere. Well, life is only what you make it and nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.
If you want to become a great doctor or sports star you know that you must work to obtain that goal. However, people think that all you must do is get married and like
magic you have a successful marriage. Remember everything involves a little hard work and to have a lasting marriage you have got to be willing to work for it.
Unfortunately, there is no college or trade school that can prepare you to be become a great spouse, like there is for a doctor or plumber or some other profession. They don’t teach marriage in school like they teach stupid things that you will never need like algebra or geometry.
Even in literature, Shakespeare only taught us that it is something not worth dying for unless you are a fool dear Romeo. I think probably the best thing available to prepare
you for marriage is probably this book (uh, Boy are you in trouble).
When you were thinking of a definition of marriage, I hope that you included love in it. For all marriages should be viewed as a form of love between two people. A kind of
love that they both feel that they could never feel toward anyone else. A feeling that they know can only be felt by the two of them.
The couple that usually says things like…I would never think of myself before my loved one. Or there isn’t anything in the world that I would not do for my spouse. Usually, these types of people are prime candidates for marriage. The husband who is always whispering and saying nice things to his wife. Not being afraid to express his deep feelings for her. However, for a marriage to be lasting, you will need more than just words. Action speaks louder than words.

Most women know that when it comes to flattery that usually tend to be most men’s middle name. Casanovas are a dime a dozen and it is a butcher’s dozen at that. Remember
that most men who are a master at romance may only be a jack of trade at marriage. However, most girls, if not all, know when they are being flattered, and enjoy it to the fullest. If you ever marry one of these Don Juan don’t expect to be hearing flattery for long.
Most of your flattery type men are the ones who remind you of fishermen. They will get up at the crack of dawn and fish all day in the hot sun. Just to catch a fish that they could have bought at the market, but it’s the sport that counts!
Most Casanovas feel the same way about flattery. It is more like they are auditioning for a play than they are really expressing how they feel about someone.
Everyone must know that in a marriage it is going to involve a lot of giving and taking. The problem comes in when you realize that you are doing most of the giving while
the other person is always taking. People are always saying that it is better to give than to receive.
Be serious! When you receive your paycheck does it feel bad? When you pay your bills does it put a smile on your face? What is even worst is when you get accustomed to
receiving and then all of a sudden it stops coming.
This is one of the biggest problems that a couple can encounter. If you start off serving your spouse on a silver tray, your spouse will always expect that. Remember whatever it took to get your spouse into wedlock, it is probably going to take the same thing to keep them in wedlock.
This feeling of receiving is something that starts out with us at birth. Take a child to the store and buy him a toy each time you go, and he will expect a toy every time you go to the store. If you start out doing everything for your spouse, expect to continue doing it throughout your entire marriage.
Now, I am not saying that you should never do anything for your spouse. On the contrary, I feel that we should find it a pleasure to do things for our loved ones.

However, I think we should also know that once someone becomes accustomed to something they will always expect it. How much you give in a relationship should be based on what you must give and don’t mind giving.
However, don’t give your arm and both legs if you are doing it and expect in return a chest, two thighs and a neck. I mean don’t just do a lot for a person and later complain that they don’t do as much for you.
Marriage involves two people working together to accomplish something. Flying a plane can involve two people, but it may seem that the co-pilot may be getting the easiest side of the stick. When it comes to marriage it would be a lot better if we were to view it is being more in relationship to a seesaw.
At certain times you are going up in the air feeling free and other times you are heading straight down. It really does not matter which one is the last person to get
off or who was the last one to go up. What matters is that you were both working together not only to benefit yourself
but also each other.
Now, for the definition of the word partner. We usually, think of a partner as being one of a group of people who are working together? Marriage in a sense is a
form of partnership. Just like any partnership it involves major discussions concerning decision making, liabilities,
and rewards.

All marriages should be rewarding in one way or another. It just like any business, if you do not turn a profit you will not stay in business for long. Our expectations of marriage should never be more demanding than
reasonable rewards. Just like everything else you can only get out of a marriage what you tend to put in it.
In most partnerships, we have a plan laid out that state roughly every member’s duties or responsibilities. They have it set up this way so that one person does not end up doing all the work or more than his rightful share.
In a marriage, it needs to be handled in a similar way. Where everyone works together doing their own job so that everyone can reap the benefits. These duties can change hands among the partners, but all must know that these responsibilities are to be fulfilled.
Some simple examples may be like someone will be responsible for taking out the trash, while the other person is responsible for washing the dishes. One will be responsible for cutting the grass, while the other one will be responsible for shopping or cleaning house, etc., etc.
The good thing about this is, later when your children get older, you can then put all of these chores on them. Like anything else, the duties may not be distributed equally, and the rewards may not be either. If it gets too far out of hand, then a STRIKE and collective bargaining must
be considered.

Remember in our definition of marriage we mention the union of two people. Well
most unions have strikes and collective bargaining and in a marriage, you must have the same. Now ladies, when I say strike, I don’t mean necessarily in the bedroom. You women are good with the holdout (shall we call it) in order to get your way.
Let me make it perfectly clear that in a marriage just like in any union collective bargaining is always the best way to go. A strike usually hurt both sides and only bring
more hostile relationship in any partnership. A strike is like acting like a thoughtless child, while collective bargaining is being a grown-up that actively seeks a good
compromise.
A house divided cannot stand and for a hand to show force it fingers must be united. Don’t forget that we are one and never be foolish enough to cut off your nose just to spite your face.
The only time life is viewed as being fun and carefree is when you are a small child. As a child you do not have any major
responsibilities. Mom, dad, big sis, or bro is always there when you need something. Someone is always there to pick you up when you fall. They are always there to stop the hurt and soothe the pain.

They handle all your needs and all you have to do is enjoy all of the pleasure. When you get married if you expect to get the same free rewards, you got a lot to learn.
Marriage is not for children, yet so many grown children get married. The woman you marry may someday become a mother, but she is not going to be your mother. The same
goes for husbands not being your father. It likes when you first moved out into your own apartment. No more free meals, free electric, free rent, or free anything.
You finally start to realize that you can’t get something for nothing. You need to keep that same thought throughout your marriage. For instead of saying what your
spouse isn’t doing for you; you should ask what it is that you are doing for your spouse.
Just like every coin has two sides and if marriage is head then tail must be divorce. I hope that none of the definitions that you thought up for marriage had anything to do with divorce. Like the final stage of marriage… DIVORCE.
O.k, o.k, already, here we are again talking about divorce. However, we all know that all married people keep it stuck away at the back of their mind. So, I guess we really cannot talk about marriage without mentioning a little bit about divorce.

Divorce that nasty unspoken word that all married people fear the most…next to bankruptcy. The word that is more feared than hemorrhoids, ulcers, and morning breath. Yes, Virginia, we are talking about… DIVORCE!
Yes, that nasty word that was voted most likely to cause pain to wives, husbands, children, and pets especially. That green-eyed monster that can strike out anytime
especially when you least expect it. That thief in the middle of the night. That excruciating pain that you can never get rid of. The biggest heartthrob of them all…. and…it could happen to you!
Divorce to some may be that thing that happens with everyone sooner or later. At least that is what some single people would like for you to think. Why should I get
married when everyone I know is getting divorced? Some people use aspirins to commit suicide but does that mean you should not use them for a headache.
When a person gets married they hardly ever think about becoming a widow. But all of us, before and after marriage, to some degree fear divorce. Unlike unexpected death or fire, we are unable to obtain a marriage insurance policy.
What I personally think of divorce is…Marriage is where happiness begins, and divorce is where it ends. However, I am sure that not too many divorcees will agree with this. A more formal and acceptable definition of divorce may be the dissolution of marriage.

For some of us who have gone through divorce, we know that like most disasters it cannot be described in a few words. Each person’s divorce has an impact which only that individual alone can only feel. Most of these feelings are hard to express to loved ones, let alone total strangers.
In order for someone to fully understand how a divorce affect someone they will have to experience it. No one will experience the same feeling, and neither will they all be affected the same way. If one person leaves their spouse and that spouse commit suicide, while another person leaves their spouse and that spouse remarry.
We cannot really say which one had the worst marriage, but just that one was more greatly affected by divorce than the other one. Just like some will curse marriage and never marry again while others will marry again and again.
When there is a separation of two people who were formerly married or not, there is always some hurt, and pain involved. Not only with the two individuals involved but also, families and friends are greatly affected. Most of your friends may think of the two of you as one. Now they will have to decide on who to see. Of course, they will
continue their relationship with both of you, but it will not be the same.

Come Thanksgiving will they invite you over or will they not invite you because they don’t want to offend the other spouse…I mean ex-spouse. Who will the children see
during holidays and will there be a split among grandparents and relatives. Yes, no matter how you look at it divorce is a cruel thing.
No one ever gets married planning on divorce like planning on retirement. Divorce is a mishap that is always unexpected no matter if it happens overnight or over years. No matter if you feel that you were responsible for the divorce or not, you will feel some remorse.
Sometimes innocent people are affected, and these are usually children. It seems that they are the helpless ones that get hurt the most during a divorce. Most grown up are not aware how divorce is going to affect them let alone the tremendous effect it will have on the children. When a divorce involves children (and most divorces do) it is nothing like two being broken up hoping never to see each other again.
When children are involved there will always be a causal chain that will allow you
to reluctantly see each other. I said earlier that just because your parents have a
good or bad marriage does not have any way of letting you know if your marriage is going to be good or bad.
However, the child that comes from a broken marriage may have a more negative opinion about marriages. The child may have a fear that his marriage may end up like his
parent’s marriage. This may make this person hesitate in getting married. On the other hand, it could make this person a better spouse because they will work harder to see
that their marriage does not end in divorce like their parent’s.
Since most children are conditioned early in life, parents need to remember this and act accordingly. If your father has a habit of hitting your mother, then you may

view it is being all right when you get married.
Just like a child that grows up in a house where the parents smoke and drink, the child will be more likely to smoke and drink when he gets older.
Of course, no parent or anyone else can predict how their children life is going to turn out. Every child is an individual and children from the same family and same
environment end up doing totally different things once they are grown. Like the old cliché Que Sera Sera (whatever will be will be).
Now before I place into everyone’s mind that divorce is sinful and grotesque. Also, before I get off the sins of divorce and since most marriages involve religion… Let us take a look at what the good book says.
St. Mark 10-9. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder”
St. Mark 10-11. “And he said unto them. Whosoever put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
St, Mark 10-12. “And if a woman shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
St Matthew 5-32. “I say unto you. That whosoever shall put away his wife saving for the cause of fornication causeth her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her
that is divorced committeth adultery.

According to the bible, it seems that no one who gets married should get a divorce. It goes as far as saying that once you are divorced that you should never get married
again, cause if you do you will be committing a sin. Most churches do not follow this so closely, but I guess one could say some churches do not seem to follow the bible at
all.
Since we are not in Sunday school you must decide for yourself what this means.
However, even the Bible speaks of divorce. Deuteronomy 24-1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she finds no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her, then let him write her a bill of divorcement and give it in her hand and send her out his house (but what if it’s her house).
Although I strongly disagree with divorce, I must admit that in some cases it cannot be avoided. In the case where
adultery is committed usually the spouse finds that there is simply no way that they can let the marriage continue, especially when this is a continuous event. Surely when
something of this magnitude starts occurring there is a serious problem in the marriage.
Therefore, it is so important for couples to realize the potential of a major problem before it becomes one. It just like fire. once you smell smoke… start an action, do not wait until the fire is completely around you. Some of you may say what is good for the goose is good for the
gander.

However, with the deadly sexual diseases that we have today, I would advise you retreating instead of competing. Also, for those who may overlook casual affairs, they should realize that it isn’t only their own concern, but it could be more of a case of life or death.
Also, by you messing around will not make the marriage any better. It like the old saying…two wrongs don’t make a right! If God felt that we should have more than one mate, God would have made Sally along with Eve (or two Adams).
Other examples may be when a spouse divorces due to alcoholism or gambling. These types of problem do not happen overnight and in some cases, people who marry these types seldom knew that the problem existed until it was too late.
Most of these people can be cured or controlled with professional help. However, some may take a lifetime to realize the seriousness of their problem. These two evils
have ruined a lot of marriages. Some people who have never experienced these two evils may see them as more forgiving than adultery.
However, they can be just as deadly to a marriage. No matter what, remember a chain can only be as strong as it’s weakest link. A marriage can only be as strong as it’s
weakest companion. No matter how strong you are if your mate is weak you are destined for problems. Therefore, we must work together on our individual weaknesses. We can not only
see our own weakness, but also be aware of our spouse’s weaknesses.

For often it is too late when we discover that the will is strong, but the flesh is weak. One may say that when we get married that we get married for better or for worst. However, the definition of worst is not universal or unique to include all the heartache that some marriages endure.
Most people who get divorced are just like the ones who get married. They don’t know what in the world they are getting into? They do not understand what is really involved in the process or what effect the outcome will really be.
When a person gets divorce they usually find themselves being asked many questions. Now that I am divorced, how am I supposed to act. Should I start back into the single life, just looking for a good time and fun or start looking for another spouse.
Will I be able to trust anyone again or keep my heart shield to make sure that it doesn’t get broken again? What will my
children think if I start playing the field again? If the divorce involves children, I assure you that you can’t start out being single and free again. Should I trust
another mate or will one trust myself after my marriage failure?
How will my children view my new lifestyle? If I find Mr. or Ms. Right will my children accept them. As anyone can see a divorce isn’t just a simple separation of two people. In all, there is a lot of emotional and behavioral problems that arise from it. Some see divorce as a cure for a problem and never seek marriage again. Others are so hurt by a divorce that it may destroy the rest of their lives.
Every time you meet someone new, they look at you and see that god-forsaken ring imprint, not around the collar, but around the ring finger. It will wear away in
time and you can always wear your school ring to hide it.
As you start meeting available companions you know that sooner or later they will ask that curious question, are you married? You will proudly say no. but then feel some uncontrollable desire to add …I use to be, but I am divorced now.

You will see that look come across their face as they try to hold back from saying… Oh, what happened? Fill me in on the gross details. Was your spouse messing around or were you messing around? Why did they leave
you… frigid, impotent, bad breath in the morning, come on you can tell me?
As you read their mind, they just sit there with that eager questionable look on their face. To get the conversation going again you feel you must say something. So
you just say. yes…we didn’t get along. Then to yourself you find yourself saying, but I do get along with most people, at least those who are not nosy.
Why is it that when you tell someone that you are getting married they all holler, Wonderful Congratulation. I envy you. But when you say you been living your life in
complete hell and have finally decided to file for divorce.
All they have to reply with is ……oh? Hey, I mean why is it that people buy you all kinds of gifts and throw a big party when you get married. But when you get divorced you only get some papers.
Divorce that number one leading killer of marriages. The only thing that cannot be cured by plenty of rest and two aspirins. For those of you who are considering divorce
currently, I just ask that you take the time to fully evaluate the situation before you make the final decision.
Getting married might have been the first mistake you made…Don’t let Divorce be your second!