~ Everything you talk about during tea!

Category Archives: Random Musings

Since it is still super fresh on my mind, here is the itinerary from my recent Spain trip. Cathay finally started flying direct from Hong Kong to Madrid, so it seemed like a good time to go (starting this summer, they will also fly direct to Barcelona too!). We’ve always wanted to go and we love iberico ham!

It started off very ambitious (Madrid, Seville, Granada, Barcelona, San Sebastian, London), but due to timing (and aging), we eventually had to cut it back to just the highlights. But it was a good taste of Spain (in fact, it was delicious!), and we will definitely be back.

I recently changed jobs, and on the eve of my first day of work I suddenly felt inadequate and unprepared. It was a fresh start, and I wanted to start on the right foot. But after so many years, I felt like I had forgotten what it was like to start a new job.

I frantically looked up articles on “what to do on your first day at work.” As expected there were plenty. But frankly I didn’t find any of them very helpful. They mostly told you to test out your route to the office, show up 10-15 minutes early, smile and greet everyone with a firm handshake, bring a pen and notebook etc. Very standard stuff. But it did somewhat calm my nerves.

As I settle into my new work place little things that I wish I knew on my first day of work starts coming to mind, and I thought I’ll write them down while they are still fresh.

Do not wear white: You will probably get your employee ID made on your first day, and chances are the background is white. So unless you want to be haunted for the rest of your time at the company by your own floating head – don’t wear white!

Bring your IDs: There will probably be a lot of paper work to do on your first day. If you bring all your IDs with you, so you can get that out of the way faster. And if you want to be very prepared, bring a cup too. You don’t want to trouble your colleagues into finding you one nor do you want to dehydrate yourself.

Say YES: Say yes to any invitation to lunch, coffee or any sort of conversation from your new colleagues. Don’t make any concrete lunch plans with friends yet. Be ready. They are extending an olive branch. The least you can do is meet them halfway. Do also make note of your conversation afterwards so you can follow up the next time you bump into them in the hallway.

Take your assistant out to lunch: Don’t just sit around, reach out too! You should be especially nice to your assistant (if you have one) because a) they will be helping you out going forward but you are probably not her only “boss” b) they can give you amazing intel into your team, the company and benefits i.e. which insurance plan is the best.

Bring a pen & notepad: Ok, this is a rather standard one. But you seriously never know when you are being called to just say hi, or be given work. Bring a pen and notepad with you whenever, just so you are not caught off guard.

Read up: you are not expected to hit the road running, and chances are you will not have much to do on your first couple of days (or weeks!). Spend this “honeymoon” wisely. Finish all the compliance, human resources and set up work. More importantly, dig into the shared drives and read up! Learn as much about the firm and the product as you can. Figure out how things are organised and how things work. Study emails and see what style of the team is. That way when you do have work, you will know your way around.

Don’t OT for the sake of OTing: I know it is tempting to stay late and put in “face time” your first couple of weeks to demonstrate to your new boss your eagerness and willingness to work hard work (as instructed by the Monkey Business). But if you don’t have that much work to do to begin with, it will a) just look silly since your colleagues know you have nothing to do or worse b) look like you have time management problems. Leave that to the interns, you are too old to pretend to work!

Assume that everyone is sensitive: I think this is more applicable to larger firms. But before you figure out the lay of the land, assume that everyone is sensitive and act accordingly. Coming from a small to a big firm, I didn’t realise how easily potentially offended people can be about what I think are small things. If unsure, ask before you act.

Just act normal: At the end of the day, they probably didn’t hire you because you were the smartest or sharpest fish in the pool (just don’t be the dumbest). They hired you because they liked you, and think that you are someone normal who they can stand spending long hours with. Just be polite, be willing to learn and be clean. Don’t interrupt other people speaking (especially not the boss), don’t be obnoxious and loud, and most importantly don’t fart aloud! It sounds fairly common sense, but you would be surprised by how hard it is to find someone “normal.”

Relax: Just remember, out of all the candidates out there, they chose you! And they chose you because they believe you can do the job. They want you to do well. And they absolutely do not want to go through the hiring process again (it takes months and it is not fun!). So unless you do something really wrong, they are unlikely to fire you. So just relax and focus on doing a good job!

When I was about 14, the worst thing happened. My vision started to blur and it became clear that I needed glasses. I could barely handle being pimply (I was almost caustic!). I simply couldn’t handle being 4-eyed (because wearing glasses makes it look as if you have 4 instead of 2 eyes) on top of that. That would destroy any remnants of confidence I had left after trying deluding myself that my pimples were barely visible.

So instead of getting glasses I jumped right into contact lenses. It took me a while to figure out how to jab something in my eye at first but at least the world was right again. And I can continue on the business of being a pimply pre-accutane teenager.

I wore contacts almost religiously. I never went out in public with my glasses on unless I absolutely had to (i.e. on the plane). I was scared that someone I knew would see me in my glasses. Some friends didn’t even know I wore glasses for years!

And when I discovered daily Acuvue moist during college, I couldn’t go back. It was so convenient and comfortable. I thought I could wear them forever. Who needs LASIK? It was risky and unnecessary.

So life went on. I graduated from college and started work. First as a data analyst in Chicago and then as an investor relations in Hong Kong. I spent long hours staring at the computer. At first everything was fine, I wore contacts all day from 9am to 8pm when I got home.

But then my eyes started to feel dry. It started to become difficult to remove the contacts at night. I was literally trying to peel them off my very very dry eyeballs. And on Friday nights when I get home later than usual, my eyes would feel like a desert. I would try to blink really hard and massage my eyes, but the dryness wouldn’t abate until I removed the contacts.

For the sake of vanity, I ignored the signs and soldiered through.

But then the office next door started renovating and the air got really dusty. My eyes started getting unbearably dry. So I started wearing glasses to work. At first it was temporary. Just until they finished renovating next door. Buteven after the renovations I continued to wear glasses to work everyday. What was the point of suffering through whole days of contact lens anyway? I see the same people everyday, and I didn’t need to impress them anymore. And I don’t look that bad with glasses anyway. My glasses are ridiculously expensive, so I should “show them off” more often anyway. My colleague V’s mantra – only dress up when it matters – started to make a lot of sense. I’ll just put on my contacts on special occasions when I want/need to feel pretty and confident.

At first I would put them on for work meetings and get together with friends. But as time went on, I realize that I only felt the need for contacts when I was about to meet a new bunch of people like at a work conference or a big gathering of not so close friends (who matter) – whenever I was outside my comfort zone. People are shallow by nature and are nicer to good looking people after all. My only remnant of vanity left was when I knew that lots of pictures will be taken and my 4-eyed self will be documented and possibly posted on social media for all of eternity (I.e. on birthdays and vacations).

My mom thought I was “letting go” of myself. And perhaps I was. Vanity just didn’t seem that important anymore. My confidence did not depend on it. I thought that I had finally achieved the promised state of “being comfortable in your own skin.”

Had I? Or had I just found my comfort zone and was hiding behind my glasses?

The turning point came in the form of a new job. The dream job that I had always wanted as a fresh grad. I was not so “fresh” anymore, but I wasn’t married and tied down with kids yet either. It was going to be more work and it would mean leaving the work family that I loved. But it was a career opportunity that I couldn’t turn down. I didn’t even realize I had career aspirations until then.

It prompted me to finally take the plunge to get LASIK. It had always been at the back of my mind, but the idea of surgery just sounded so scary and unnecessary. I heard that many Asian women were susceptible to dry eyes. Why do so few eye doctors themslves not get LASIK? What if I went blind for the sake of vanity and convenience? But as I prepared to step outside my comfort zone again, I resolved to stop overthinking and just do it. There was no question that I will need to put on my game face at the new job. And the prospect of pulling long hours with contacts dehydrating my eyes was just unbearable.

On the eve of my LASIK surgery, I felt nervous and somewhat excited. Not nervous that I will go blind. I have mostly convinced myself that my doctor was the best doctor available and everything will go fine (his overwhelming confidence was comforting). But a more niggling worry was whether I will get used to being back in the spotlight again; exposing all my expressions, dark circles and puffy eyes. Of being seen again. I have been hiding behind my glasses for so long and it has been so easy. I will probably have to wear makeup more often!

You know how when you are nervous, your hands start to sweat, your stomach feels like it is about to drop and your heart starts beating as if you are on a roller coaster ride? Well I felt none of those things the morning of the surgery. Maybe just a little. But nowhere near the level I get pre-job interviews. I felt oddly calm. Perfectly willing to handover my eyes to the ever capable doctor. Unlike in an interview, there was not much I can do to help anyway.

During the first part of the surgery the doctor asked me to lift my chin and don’t curl up (as one tends to do when nervous) so that the laser can get better access to my eyes. It reminded me of the time when I went skydiving. Before we jumped out of the plane, the instructor told me to lift my chin and body like a bird to better streamline ourselves. In both cases, what they asked me to do was completely anti instinctive to what I wanted to do, which was to curl up in my safety ball like an unborn baby. Being the ever trusting and obedient soul that I am under authority, I tried my best to obey. Both times, I realised that there was nothing to curl up in a ball over to begin with.

Both parts of the surgery was over with pretty quickly (it didn’t even feel like 20 minutes!). While it was nerve wracking, it was not as scary as I had anticipated. And there was no pain, just some pressure. You see a lot of light, complete darkness and then light again. Besides needing to cut the flap of my right eye twice and possibly causing the two red bruises on my right eye, everything went perfectly. The doctor was very good. He had a very reassuring and calm quality about him that makes you feel like everything is going to be alright. And that it is not even that big a deal. All I had to do was not move my eye balls.

While you are encouraged to rest your eyes during and immediately after surgery, it is amazing how much one can see during the whole process. I could see in between the two parts of surgery. And I can see directly after. Theoretically the cornea seals within minutes of being placed back, so you can actually already see right after surgery. But just in case it doesn’t stick on 100% immediately, you are encouraged to rest your eyes for the remainder of the day only squinting to see when walking or eating. That was a long night for me. Not being able to see doesn’t suit me. I finally couldn’t resist and squinted to turn on some interesting Ted talks.

I was able to remove the protective glasses and see properly again the next morning. I didn’t exactly get a “whoa I can finally wake up and see the clock” moment. It kind of slowly registered that I didnt need to reach for my glasses anymore. I didn’t have to worry about fingerprints and fog on my glasses. I can wear sunglasses whenever I want. I can travel without worrying about bringing enough contacts. Little things like that made me think whoa. The fact that I was already going out for tea the next day and shopping made me think whoa too.

3 weeks after surgery, I have almost forgotten about life with glasses. If it weren’t the need for constant eye drops and the faint red bruise in my right eye, I think I would forget that I recently had surgery. Life is back to normal. It is amazing how we can adapt to a new normal so quickly. Though today I did notice my eye bags being especially pronounced. I will most definitely need make up when I start work (in 1 day!!). Hopefully I will adapt. In the meantime I guess sunglasses will do.

You know which one I am talking about. I saw it at Zara the other day and was super tempted to get it, but decided in the end that I am just not cool enough to carry it off. People will probably just think I am dressing up for Halloween… a la Wednesday Addams, the original wearer of this dress.

Though I have seen some recent iterations of it which have been inspiring. There was Kate Middleton’s ladylike and demure version:

Unlike last year, this year I did not have a vision of exactly what I wanted to do for my birthday months and months ahead. We even had a hard time coming up with a fancy Michelin starred restaurants in Hong Kong we wanted to try and almost repeated. But ideas started to pop up here and there, and in the end everything came together perfectly.

Definitely a super memorable (and eventful) birthday complete with awesome company, lots of chocolates and sparkles, balloons as well as sweat, some blood and one popped knee and torn ligament. May every birthday be better than the last!

My dad is in general a quiet person, but he has one heck of a sneeze. While other people’s sneezes are usually fast and quiet and somtimes can even be mistaken for a cough or a squeak, my dad’s sneezes always make me shudder. It is especially jarring when we are both quietly doing our own things and then suddenly BOOM.

It starts with two seconds of an almost indistinct “Haaaaa..” as he draws in his breathe (the signal for me to brace myself). This is followed by a very loud and resounding CHOOO.” There is then either one or two more abbreviated versions of the same in equally earth shattering volumes. He does this no matter where he is.

My mom and I have repeatedly asked him why he cannot control himself and sneeze more quietly (kind of like how one controls themselves to fart more quietly in public). But each time, he just shrugs in confusion as if he doesn’t know what we are talking about.

Another year, another birthday. It occurred to me that where I am now, is far from where I thought I would be now. Along the way, I learnt to compromise and prioritize what is truly important. And while it hasn’t quite worked out the way I’d envisioned, it hasn’t really been too bad either. I’m far from religious, but I do believe that I’m blessed.

One thing I’m starting to believe in more is that if one is going to do something, one should always put their heart into it and try to do it right. You only live once. It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day if you make a fool of yourself. So this year for my birthday, I decided to make my childhood dreams come true. And with the right planning, the help of Taobao and an incredibly supportive group of friends, I finally did, and I did it right. It was the best birthday yet.

I’m done with Life Writing class! It has been both awesome and disappointing. Awesome because I got to meet some amazing ladies with incredible stories to tell, and got myself to start writing again. Disappointing because I realized that not all writing classes are equal, and if not for my awesome classmates, the class would be for naught. Next, I’m thinking of taking either an interior designing course, or a computer programming course. And hopefully continue writing on this blog.

One thing I did learn during this course is that apparently writing related segments, and then putting it together really does work. Here is my finish product for the course. Hope you enjoy, and constructive comments are welcome.

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While my brother, Ocean and I still live at home together, we’re really more like neighbors.

Every morning my brother leaves the house at 6am. He’s a chef, and needs to get into work early to make preparations for the day, working odd hours (including weekends and public holidays). I have an office job, and barely leave the house before 9:30am. Sometimes when I have a late night out on weekends, or cannot sleep, I’d hear him in the bathroom going through his morning routine. Not long after that, I’d hear the front door banging shut. Once I woke up at an ungodly hour early on a Sunday morning for a marathon and we left home together. In the evenings, I get home at around 8pm, just in time to say goodnight to him. That is pretty much the extent I see my brother in daily life. Otherwise his presence is only felt in the slippery bathroom floor and the empty freezer where my ice cream is supposed to be.

Once in a blue moon, when he and I are both home for the evening, and he’s in a good mood, he’d come over to tell me about his latest girlfriend, or all the planning he has done for his upcoming trip to Japan. I am always amazed by the diligence he applies to planning for Japan (if only he were half as diligent at school!). This occurs every few months, whenever he has saved enough money to go. Personally, I don’t get this earn it and spend it concept (I’m more of a save for a rainy day kind of girl), but over the years, I’ve learnt to be encouraging and non-judgmental. Behind his gruff I-am-too-cool-to-care exterior, is a sensitive soul. Besides, I leave the censorship to to my parents.

But even on that front he gets off easy, and pretty much does whatever he wants. He brings random girls he meets on the internet home, never cleans up after himself, never shows up for family events and is in general downright rude. It is not because he’s a boy, and my parents are typical Asian parents who favour boys. But (I suspect) because they feel guilty about his traumatizing childhood (he was academically challenged, and spent his childhood either at school or after-school school), which culminated to what we thought was anorexia when he came back from studying in Canada after a year, looking like a skeleton (being a huge McDonalds fan, he was borderline obese when he went!). That, and because my parents just don’t know what they can do with him. After so many years, he’s pretty much immune to any parental rebuke (and he’s much too old for the stick).

As for me, you know what they say; you can choose your friends, but not your family. We are so different, that under normal circumstances, we probably would never have even spoken. But yet, here we are. He is the only other person in the world who has both my mother and father’s blood running through him. There has got to be some love in there somewhere.

There is a guy who hands out flyers all the time near my bus stop. He wears glasses, and has a funny face and an awkward walk. I figured that he is mentally challenged. Every time I walk pass him I’d take a flyer, so he could be done with his job earlier (at least that is what I would hope for if I were distributing flyers). Usually I would then throw the flyer away in the nearest bin a few steps away. I’ve been doing this for a while now (perhaps even more than a year), and have come to regard it as one of my ‘small acts of kindness’ of the day (usually, I don’t stop at all for safety reasons, as well as the fact that most beggars in Hong Kong – especially in Central – are part of an organized gang).

Recently there has been some construction going on near my bus stop, and they’ve moved the bin closer to where the guy is handing out flyers. So this morning when I took his flyer, he saw me putting it directly into the bin as there weren’t a lot of people around. I really didn’t think he’d care. He was just doing his job after all. But then I heard a noise behind me and saw him swearing at me, and basically giving me the finger!

I admit, in all this time I’ve never actually stopped to read any of his flyers to see what they were about. They are usually bland, photocopied pieces of colored paper with a lot of Chinese characters on it. I just assumed they were promoting a local restaurant or the likes. I honestly thought I was doing him a favour by taking a flyer!

But this experience has me questioning, what is the correct etiquette for flyer distribution? If I’m not interested in the content, is it kinder for me to politely decline with a smile and walk away, or take one anyway and then throw it away?

So I just finished reading Gone girl by Gillian Flynn over the weekend, and it was so completely unsatisfying that I cannot in good conscious count it as my “book of the month” for April (so I’ve classified as my second book for March). The girls at The Book Smuggler definitely got it right. It was well written, but the plot was just bad.

SPOILERS ALERT**********

Neither protagonists (Nick and Amy) were relate-able nor remotely like-able. And literally nothing happened in the first half of the book. It was a credit to the writer that people managed to get through the first half given how slow the plot went.