Ball Don't Lie

Usher in the losing holiday season with ‘Tanking Time Is Here’ (Video)

Taj Gibson will not settle for an aluminum tree (Jesse D. Garrabrant/ Getty).

It's the second week of December, which means that the holiday music season has ramped up to absurd levels. It's impossible to go anywhere without hearing some sort of festive song, whether it's a Christmas tune like "Jingle Bells," a slightly more religious Christmas ditty like "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing," or a commercial monstrosity like Justin Bieber's "Drummer Boy." There is a popular song for everyone (not including those who celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa, or nothing at all)!

But what about the basketball fan looking for a little roundball cheer? Sure, there will be some song that serves as a tie-in for the NBA's slate of Christmas games. Yet that's really just a basketball-adjacent song, a poor substitute for the real thing. Where shall we turn?

Thankfully, "Tanking Time Is Here" is here:

If you're unaware, the song is a parody of the Vince Guaraldi Trio classic "Christmas Time Is Here," which first appeared in the 1965 special "A Charlie Brown Christmas." It's slow, sad, wistful, and also a little hopeful — in other words, perfect for the experience of watching a team tank to get a top draft pick.

This version, courtesy of producer Magic 1, turns the barely concealed longing of the original performance into the subject of the lyrics, allowing the Peanuts substitutes to sing about the need for the Chicago Bulls (or, really, any team) to trade off any usable assets and chase Andrew Wiggins of Kansas or Chicago's own Jabari Parker of Duke.

Given the intensity of head coach Tom Thibodeau and the Bulls playoff appearance last season without Derrick Rose, chances are that Magic 1 will not see his song become reality. Maybe, if things are looking better for the Bulls on July 4, he can put an NBA spin on Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A."