One girl's twistedly fantastic interpretation of what the hell is really going on in those tribes.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Blogus Interruptus

My deepest apologies everyone. I thought I'd be able to write before I left, but a last minute change of plans has made that impossible. No blog this week. The Bitchy Survivor Blog will return November 17th. Please no pissiness. I'm just as upset as you are.

Oh, geez, this episode and the next episode are both being fast-forwarded to save us from the slow turtle-ish death via pagonging. No worries--this is good time (boring epi anyway) if you have to take a work-'vacation' away from your blog.

And honestly, the timing is not bad for me either. I have a broken tooth that is literally cutting my cheek and also an exposed root that is screaming 'MuRdEr'. ...AND....my Bestie *kisses,ksses* just dropped off a bottle of hydrocodon to hold me over til the nazi dentist is willing to see me next week!!

So, til next week--I raise a bottle of pills to clink against your bottle of Bombay! You will definitely missed--but you're also allowed to have a life. (I wish for your sake it was a real vacation.)

********************Ok, everyone, let's fill in the blanks with our own favorite highlights. For me--I LOVED Whitney's breakdown after being accused of being a mean girl. Toooo funny, coming right after her vehement "you.DIS-GUST.me"!!!)

Just Kidding! :D As Jools said this episode was freaking boring as hell anyway, so boring in fact in Dimples was sighing and playing in the sand during Tribal. At least with this unison of Coach's tribe and Ozzy getting kicked out, we know it's not rigged (like some other shows that won't be mentioned) But, maybe it is too. Safe trip Lala

I understandus. I once had a fuckingus jobus as the Emperor of Rome... us! Do not be too upsetus. Pay no heedus to any pissinessus. Any commentus that contains pissinessus has been written by an anus... us?

Whitney was hysTERICAL. Me and my boyfriend have been calling her Lindsay Lohan ever since (mean girls, get it? Yeah, not too original...) And I hope your drugs do you well ;)

On another note- How far do you guys think Cochran will go? On paper he would be the first man out after Dawn and Lindsay Lohan go under. But, if he can make it past the implosion of the six strong alliance, he may make it to the end. Thoughts?

Someone on Ben Wade's team is going to have to turn before they pick off the rest of Cochran's team. There are 6 of them left and then there is Cochran. Those 6 are going to have to figure out who they want to go to the end with and who's throat they want to slit. They are going to have to keep Dawn & Cochran and say "Hey, let's stab Ben in the back". Brandon and Edna are not going to turn on him and I don't think Sophie is either so that leaves Rancher and Albert. They are going to have to get Cochran and Dawn to side with them so that they can start picking off Ben, Brandon, Edna, and Sophie.

Mary Jane angry at Cochran for turning from a secret double agent to a secret double-double agent? What did the tribe expect? And after Cochran flipped, I was so afraid Coach was gonna lay down on the ground and start crying Hail Marys! Sophie - You were supposed to carry the coconut water in your mouth, not cheating by vomiting up out of your stomach! Besides, you were on national television, and I guess everyone is attracted to you, now! (Ok, maybe you were choking a little bit). At tribal council, Cochran's former tribe bragged at how many times they saved him, yet somehow forgot they were saving him from them. Whitney bullying Cochran this whole time and calls him despicable for saving himself. Whitney - BooHoo! Lala, we are waiting for your manna!!!

I think it's funny that Jim couldn't stop calling Cochran a coward but when the time came up for him to risk immunity and after he promised to give it to Ozzy, suddenly he got scared and decided it was worth breaking his word to stay another day before getting kicked out. Who's a coward now?

I thought it was a pretty good episode for a number of reasons. Whitney put the emphasis on the word ME when she said, "You disgust ME." Her tearful moment later gave me a Big Brother flashback. There's no crying in Survivor unless it's Russel. Ozzy is next.

Amazing that Coach was touched by Ozzy's humility that lasted a few seconds. Yeah, he really kicked ass in the last immunity challenge. He didn't even get to compete in Part B. Knocking a hole in a coconut with a rock was a new one. I was impressed the gals could do it at all. We found out who spits and who swallows.

Mary Jane actually had a thought and it wasn't bad until he crapped out on his promise to give Ozzy the idol. So much for the speech about honor and integrity and staying true to your word. Of course that sentiment is always bogus and Coach has already promised to put a bullet in Brandon loves Jesus when needed.

Last week I thought the resentment of others would send Cochran home. Yes, it's true that many would love to sit with him in Final 2. That is still a fur piece down the road with this many players and future scheming in the way.

So, I was happy to see Ozzy the Magnificent skip back to RI. Enough RI already, I thought that was over at the merge. It's even more ridiculous since Ozzy has already been redeemed once. Reminds me of one of Russel's seasons when he was finding hidden idols every time he snuck off to take a crap.

I'll miss the Lala, she's damn considerate. Real jobs suck unless you are writing for the GOP primary candidates. Great job so far. Keep up the good work. Oops.

@yours truly: Ouch, my side hurts!!! The idea of Lala writing for the GOP primary candidates--TOO awesome!!! (I might actually watch one of those crazy debates if I was promised a glitter-filled recap by our favorite bloggette!) So, what do you say, Lala--if you're not hired out to write for one of these bozos, what d'ya think about a debate recap?

Well, five days of pills means that I'm in a better place today. And yes, I did try to sleep with one eye open! Tricky coincidence that you mentioned that, Ms. Glitter. The last time I took Vicodin I was convinced (every time I woke in bed) that I could actually see out of my one eye that is completely blind. Major trip--I did not get much sleep that night! But this time, I dozed off smiling, thinking of Lala creeping around my house, sniffing out the good stuff. Did you see the cookies and milk I left out for you?

I'm soooo excited about having a new epi tonight. Does Coach reach B-Rob levels of annoyance and make sure that Upulo-folks are paired up at all times? Does Whitney finally get true mean girl status with Lindsay or Shannon as her new nickname? Will the pagong continue? Or will Albert be in a three way with Oz and Jim?? **shiver!**