love

How would it be to open your arms and embrace your whole life, to take a fresh peek in every corner, explore every dream, pay attention to everyone and everything that matters to you. What would it be like to expand your focus to all segments of your life, not just the few areas that feel important to you right now?

It’s so easy for life to get lopsided. As we struggle to accomplish what we want – get that degree, move up the corporate ladder, raise our children – we can get so caught up in what we’re focusing on that we ignore other meaningful areas of our lives. We end up missing out on the richness of life, the dessert of life that comes after the meat and potatoes of day-to-day living.

A great way to expand your vision is to use what I call The Whole Life Inventory. The inventory provides a snapshot of all aspects of your life, giving you information on how satisfied you really are.

Rate each area of a scale of 1 – 10 with 1 being unfulfilled, and 10 being very fulfilled. This reflects how satisfied you are with each area in your life. Write the scores next to each area.

Next, rank each area by how important it is to you, giving the most important area a 1, the next most important area a 2 and down to the least important area which would get an 8. Write the ranking next to the scores.

Take a look at your inventory, what do you notice? Are there any areas that scored high in importance and low in satisfaction? These are the areas that you may be neglecting, areas that you know are important but can’t seem to find time for.

For those areas that scored high in importance and low in satisfaction, ask yourself “What would make this area fulfilled, what would make it a “10”? For example, if “Family and Friends” is important to you, but you have a low satisfaction score, examples of things that might make the area a “10” could be to seek out friends with interests similar to yours, spend more time with your children, or schedule more frequent visits with relatives.

Now it’s time to act! Identify one action step for each area you identified in step 5 and schedule time for the activities in the next few weeks. Some people may feel overloaded at this point, so keep the steps as small as necessary and give yourself enough time. Just remember that as long as you’re working on one action step you’re making progress!

It’s refreshing and invigorating to step back and look at your whole life. If you’re like most of us, there are things you love that you’ve been neglecting. Spending more time with loved ones, exploring a hobby that invigorates you, creating a plan to improve your career or earn extra money – this is the most direct route to adding richness and depth to your life.

Like this:

One of the best things about being an F is how tender-hearted we are. And one of the hardest things about being an F is how tender-hearted we are!

Like all F’s I seek harmony. And when one of my co-workers or loved ones is in a bad mood it’s really difficult not take it personally. My natural tendency is to make it about myself – “What did I do?” or “Why is he being so mean to me?” But this is a form of self-absorption, we’re focused on our reaction, on how we feel, rather than what’s happening with the other person. We need to shift the question from “Why is he picking on me?” to “What’s going on with him that’s upset him so much?”

Some tips for dealing with others’ upsets:

Shift your attention from how you feel about the situation by getting curious about what’s happening with the other person.

Don’t take their moods personally, even if they lash out at you or blame you – it’s not about you, it’s about them.

Don’t take on their pain. Your compassion helps, your hurting along with them doesn’t.

Don’t try to fix or soothe them – you can’t. Telling someone the “look at the bright side” or to “feel better” doesn’t do anything except minimize their emotions.

It can be really draining to spend time with someone who is dealing with a prolonged issue, so be sure to take care of yourself. Give yourself a break and schedule fun time with friends or other family members to help you not get sucked in to the negativity.

I know, all this is easier said than done. But it benefits everyone when you can provide a supportive, calm and grounded environment when someone close to you is upset – I like to think of it as giving the gift of being strong when they’re at their weakest.

So all you F’s out there, protect that tender heart by keeping it full of love, compassion and the kindness that comes so naturally to you.