The plastic smile: “Pastor, why should I tell someone how much I’m hurting?”

Encouraging people who are hurting or struggling to share their experiences with others in the church is usually good advice. When a person shares, he is often surprised to learn that others have dealt with, or are dealing with, similar circumstances. Rich comfort and encouragement frequently come from such conversations.

However, some who hear this advice will push back. Why?

Their role models went through difficult situations without mentioning hurts, challenges, and disappointments.

They assume that verses such as “Do everything without grumbling or arguing” (Phil. 2:14) prohibit honesty about pain and suffering.

They have the impression that God gets more glory when we don’t let others know we are in pain.

Some fear what others will think about them if they are honest about their struggles.

Dr. Stephen Viars, pastor of Faith Baptist Church in Lafayette, IN, models a great way to respond to someone who feels this way.

On the other hand, some people don’t have any problem sharing with others what they’re going through: they’ll tell anyone how they’re doing. While it’s important to be honest, it’s also important to be discerning. A hurting person does not need to tell everyone every detail. Dr. Ramon Presson explains why:

What have you shared with the people under your care to encourage them to open up?

Sam Hodges

Managing Editor

Sam leads the CareLeader team. As a seminary-trained, ordained pastor, Sam knows firsthand a pastor’s desire to provide effective care to hurting people in the church and community. He directs and oversees CareLeader’s content, making sure the articles and videos equip pastors with information and ideas that are strategic, do-able, and consistent with Christ-centered, biblical care principles.

Sam also leads Church Initiative’s editorial team and has written and produced a number of Church Initiative’s video-based small group curriculums. They include GriefShare second and third editions (2006, 2014), DivorceCare third edition (2012), and Single & Parenting (2011). Sam is also coauthor of Grieving with Hope: Finding Comfort as You Journey Through Loss.

Sam graduated from Howard University with a bachelor of arts in communications. After that he received a master of divinity degree from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary with an emphasis in Christian education. Sam has also served on staff as a discipleship pastor at Infinity Church in Laurel, MD.

GriefShare is a powerful, Christ-centered grief recovery program. Created by the team that produces CareLeader.org, GriefShare features many of the experts who contribute to the CareLeader website. It also features the stories of over 75 everyday people who’ve applied biblical principles to heal from grief. Visit GriefShare.org/start and see more reasons why thousands of churches use GriefShare. And discover how GriefShare can equip your church to launch and sustain a proven care and outreach ministry.

A woman wrestling with depression. A grieving teen. An anxious wife. A man battling chronic anger. Would you know how to minister to them?

Discover how CareLeader.org can help you provide biblical and compassionate pastoral care for struggling and hurting people in your church.

Welcome to CareLeader.org

We equip and inspire pastors and senior church leaders to provide strategic, real-world pastoral care, by delivering practical, biblically based encouragement and insights that have application for preaching, counseling, visitation, lay leader training, and outreach planning.