Dedicated to serving those whose lives have been touched by loss

Closure

I casually turned my TV on this morning while getting my dog some food and was stopped in my tracks. I never thought I would see this day—Osama Bin Laden Dead. It was uplifting to see America celebrating in the streets and chants of patriotic pride. I was captivated by the interviews of people sharing stories of the loved ones and friends who died on 9/11. It was clear that President Obama’s message to the American people was right when he said last night: “And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to al Qaeda’s terror: Justice has been done.”

In addition to “justice”, the other word I kept hearing this morning was “closure”. News broadcasters kept stating that the family and friends of the 3,000 people lost in 9/11 would finally have closure. What does that mean? Does grief resolve with this type of closure?

For the grievers left behind after any tragedy, there is a deep desire to have the answers to the questions “Who did this?” and “Why?” They also typically have a deep desire to see the responsible party have to pay in some way—jail, prison, death, etc. There is often a belief that once this justice is complete and they have the answers they seek, that it will somehow make the pain of their loss lessen and they will be able to move on with their lives.

However, most grievers find that once this moment comes, it does not bring the emotional end to the grief process they had anticipated. It does bring closure to the emotions attached to those questions—namely anger and our deep desire to see justice. It does however, especially years after the loss, intensify our grief because we are suddenly back at that moment, reliving that experience and re-grieving our loss (or giving ourselves to grief those heavy emotions we have avoided because we have been so consumed with anger and involved in the pursuit of justice). We have closed one aspect of the grief process and reopened the wound of grief again. If people have been working on their grief, it will not be of the same intensity as it was those years ago.

For example, I did not know anyone personally who was involved in the tragedy of 9/11. I, like many Americans, grieved the loss of invinsibility that I had felt our country had and grieved for our national tragedy. This morning, upon seeing the news, I remembered exactly where I was when I heard about the attack and how my day unfolded after that. I cannot imagine what the images and emotions were that the family members and friends of those involved in 9/11 relived or felt. President Obama reflected it well when he said last night during his speech: “And yet we know that the worst images are those that were unseen to the world. The empty seat at the dinner table. Children who were forced to grow up without their mother or their father. Parents who would never know the feeling of their child’s embrace. Nearly 3,000 citizens taken from us, leaving a gaping hole in our hearts.” Let’s remember that although they have been grieving for 9 years, these families will still continue to grieve. Not at the same intensity as before, but there is still a hole in their lives.