Connie: Good. Because you know what we do to people in Wisconsin who make promises they can't keep.

Marshall: You make them into cheese. (laughs then stop) I can see where Sonny gets her sense of humor.

Sonny: Actually I get it from my dad. She's not kidding. But she is hovering.

Connie: Alright. Alright. I can take a hint. Someone wants their mom to leave. Okay, come here. Before I go I know I have said this many times but-

Sonny: Don't talk to strangers.

Connie: No, but yes.

Sonny: Don't swim after eating?

'Connie: No but yes.

Sonny: Don't skateboard with a sucker in your mouth.

Connie: I am trying to tell you how proud I am of you. I just, couldn't be prouder... [rubbing Sonny's face]

Sonny: You just put a little bit more sun block on me, didn't you?

Connie: No, but yes.

Sonny: Bye! [hugs mom]

Marshall: Well, here we are kiddo. This is the prop house.

Sonny: Oh my gosh, this is so cool. I've read about this place. Wow, this is where the cast hangs out. This is the gnome from the gnome sketch. And, that's the sarcophagus for the mommy dearest sketch. [sighs] Wow. And, ah, that's a pink hat that I've never really seen before.

Marshall: Yep. One day, there'll be props in here from sketches you're in, maybe one of your hats. Anyway, just know as executive producer, I'm always here for you. [beep]

Sonny: Trap you? You've obviously been watching your show too much. You know, not everything is cutthroat and gossipy? Sometimes people do things because they're trying to be nice.

Chad: Do they, Sonny? Do they, really? Look, it was sweet of you to put that picnic together. It was way sweet. But the bad blood between our two shows has run too deep for too long to be healed by a bowl of egg salad, and even the best of intentions. [holds Sonny's hand] Just because you wish for something doesn't make it so.

Sonny: Oh, Chad Dylan--

Chad: Shh. The time for talking is over. I must go. So run-- run back to your show, and put your sweet little dreams of peace to bed. [walks away]

Sonny: (staring at Chad) What just happened?

The Interview

Chad: You know. A lot of people say that it's So Random! that we won this award. But it's not So Random! ... it's never So Random! . Because Mackenzie Falls rules! Thank you, Tweens!

Marshall: All right. Rehearsal for So You Think You Can Pee Pee Dance. In 5, 4, 3.

Sonny: (wearing a blond wig) This is So You Think You Can Pee Pee Dance! Flo!

Tawni: (comes out of a bathroom stall and dances awkwardly)

Sonny: Pia!

Zora: (comes out of another stall wearing a ballerina costume and dances)

Sonny: Agua!

Nico: (comes out of a stall and dances)

Sonny: And Wee Diddy!

Grady: (wearing gangster clothes and dances)

(Everyone starts dancing.)

Sonny: What's up peeps? I know you're all flushed with excitement. Because we are streaming live across the world! The final votes have trickled in. We're about to find who will become number one at holding number one. Right after this (makes a hissing sound). So You Think You Can Pee Pee Dance is brought to you by water! (pours water in a cup)

(All of the dancers can't hold it in anymore and run to the stalls.)

Marshall: (claps) Great rehearsal guys. Now I need a pee pee break.

Sonny: Hi, this is Sonny, and you've reached me at 555-0125, you know what to do.

[Sonny's cell phone rings as a cow]

Sonny: Hey, my first phone call. Hello?

Tawni: Yeah it's me. Could you keep it down? I have twenty pounds of fan mail to go through.

Sonny: Fan Mail? Did I get any?

[Sonny's cell phone rings]

Sonny: Hello?

Tawni: Aw, I was hoping to get your machine. Anyway, no fan mail for you. Sorry

Sonny: That's okay!

Tawni: Um, I said you had NO fan mail.

Sonny: I heard you.

Tawni: Doesn't that bother you? I mean when I joined the show, my fan mail started right away.

Sonny: Doesn't bother me.

[Sonny's cell phone rings again]

Sonny: Hello?

Tawni: Does it bother you now?

Sonny: I'm off to rehearsal. Besides, I'm not going to let this bother me. I'm way too mature.[Sonny takes baby bottle prop and hat to the rehearsal]

Tawni: Sweetie, I know it must hurt to be so unpopular. Well, I don't know. I can only imagine. Just like you can only imagine what it's like to actually BE popular. You see, every fan letter is like a hug from a friend.

Chad: Funny. No we were shooting a scene. I know it's hard to believe I can look this good when I look this bad huh? (Sonny looks down) Normally that would've charmed you. What's up with you?

Sonny: Nothing, I'm just a little bummed. I missed my prom back home and I just got some pictures from my best friend.

Chad: Oh pshht. You're not missing much! I've been to a bunch of proms and they have all ended in disaster.

Sonny: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Chad: Yeah, episode 10, my hair caught on fire. Last year's season finale, my date turns out to be my long lost sister...

Sonny: What? Chad those are fake proms.

Chad: Fake proms, real proms they all stink.

Sonny: No they don't! They're romantic! You know a girl dreams her whole life about going to the prom and sharing that perfect dance with a very special guy.

Chad: And then he gets hit in the head by a faulty disco ball, episode 16!

Sonny: You know what Chad? you wouldn't know real romance if it punched you in the face. In fact you wouldn't know a real punch in the face if it punched you in the face, because there is nothing real about you.

Chad: Do they Sonny? Do they really? 'Cause sometimes I heard, you get to have that perfect dance, with that one special person. [takes out headphones] You're just going to have to settle for me.

[Chad and Sonny start dancing]

Sonny: [giggles] This is sweet!

Chad: I have my moments.

Sonny: You're gonna press play?

Chad: Oh right, sorry!

--- (At the prop house)

Nico: You had to ask Marshall.

Zora: Always gotta do everything by the book.

Sonny: Oh yeah? Is that what you think? (the cast waves "yes") Is that what you all think? (The cast says "yes") Well, I, just checked out a new book. And it's called "We're having a secret prom= by Sonny Munroe!

Nico: Are you suggesting...

Sonny: That's right. A secret prom.

Tawni: A secret prom?

Zora: A secret prom?

Nico: A secret prom?

Grady: A secr...

Sonny: Ok, I think we've said enough times.

Chad: Oh, hey Sonny.

Sonny: Sorry Chad, can't talk, I'm in a hurry.

Chad: Oh right, right that whole secret prom, [Sonny turns around] They're not that much of a secret when every kid on the lot is walking around with fliers that read 'Secret Prom!'

Sonny: Aren't you exited? I'm even exited about how exited I am!

Chad: Yeah, we're not really feeling that over at the Falls...mostly we just think it's dumb?

Sonny: Well, if you think it's so dumb, then maybe you and your little snobby friends at Mackenzie Falls shouldn't come.

Sonny: Guys I have a confession to make. I asked for a cup of water but I filled it up with soda. (sees that it's not Nico, Grady and Tawni) And you're not Nico, Grady or Tawni. (laughs nervously) I was-I was kidding about the soda. (goes to another table when she think she sees the real Grady) Guys the weirdest thing just happened to me and it's happening again! (sees more Nico, Grady and Tawni lookalikes) Oh no. It's that dream where I end up on t.v. wearing nothing but a hat. (checks if she's in a dream)

Grady: (walks in the cafeteria with Nico) (referring to someone that looks like Nico) What is up Nico? My man, my man! You were great in that Gassie sketch. Just funny.

Nico: I'm standing right next you.

Grady: No you're not. You're right there standing next to me. (sees two people that look like them then gasps) Dude, this means our time machine has worked!

Nico: That wasn't a time machine! It was a clock! And that ain't you! And those aren't Sonnies! And those aren't-

Tawni: (gasps) Then who the heck are you people?

Nico: Now that's definitely Tawni.

Grady: That's Tawni.

Nico: What is going on in here? (sees the real Sonny) Uh Sonny are we in your stupid hat dream?

Sonny: I have no idea what's going on.

Sonny: Chad what is all this and I should've known you were behind it.Why are you all dressed up like a paper boy?

Chad: Sonny, I'm giving you a chance here, okay? Just read the lines. Let's just jump to the part where Sonny punches my costar. AND ACTION!

Sonny: I never punched your costar.

Chad: (singsong) Diva!

Sonny: Are you kidding me? I'm so not a diva!

Chad: Really, Sonny? Really?

Sonny: You know what? This is ridiculous. I'm out of here.

Chad: Fine!

Sonny: Fine!

Chad: Good!

Sonny: Good! And good luck trying to find a better me than me. Because nobody knows me the way that I know me. (opens the door and sees Selena Gomez)

Sonny: (shocked) Oh my gosh! Selena Gomez!

Selena: (smiles)

Sonny: Can I get your autograph? Here, sign this lousy script.

Selena: (walks past Sonny) Hey Chad. I got your text. And yes, I'll play the part of Sonny.

Sonny: (shocked) What?!

Selena: Personally I think the character's kind of dull but I'll liven her up. (turns to Sonny) And you are?

Sonny: The dull girl that you need to liven up.

Chad: (speaks through the megaphone) Awkward.

Sonny: (walking to table with snacks with Selena following her) Can I help you?

Selena: No, no. Carry on.

(Sonny picks up a cup and Selena picks up a cup then Sonny puts the cup down and so does Selena. Sonny and Selena then pick up a snack and throw it behind them and Selena's snack hits a guy. The guy runs off scared. Sonny does a dance and Selena just stares at her.)

Selena: (into tape recorder) Not a very good dancer.

Sonny: What are you doing and why are you saying things about me into a recorder?

Selena: Well if I'm going to play you I want to play you honestly and realistically. (into tape recorder) Flat hair.

Sonny: My hair is not flat!

Selena: (into tape recorder) Defensive about hair.

Sonny: Would you stop?

Selena: Look, I'm sorry. It's just that I really like to get into my characters.

Sonny: Oh, I know how you feel. One time I played a dog in a sketch. I got so into my character (laughs) I dug a hole in the backyard.

Selena: (laughs)

Sonny: And then I ate my homework. Oh then I bit the mailman!

Selena: (laughs)

Sonny: Well, if someone has to play me I'm glad it's Selena Gomez.

Selena: Aww, thank you.

Sonny: If there's anything you want to know about me, just ask.

Selena: I just want to know...are you mad at me because I got the part and you didn't?

Sonny: What? (high pitched) Girl, no. No.

Selena: (into tape recorder) Voice gets high when in denial.

Sonny: (high pitched) I am not- (low pitched) I am not in denial. Look you don't know Chad. It's just...this is so typical of him. He just wants to push my buttons.

Selena: (into tape recorder) Has buttons.

Selena: Okay, now we're about to do the scene when you barge in the set of MacKenzie Falls. Now when this happened, do you remember how you felt?

Sonny: Probably mad because I'm always mad when I have to go see Chad.

Selena: Right, but clearly you're mad at yourself because of how much you like him.

Sonny: Right...WHAT?! I don't like Chad! (low pitched) I mean, I don't like Chad.

Selena: (shows Sonny the script) Sure you do. It's right here in the script.

Chad: Okay people. I want to see real energy and real emotion. And ACTION! (gives his megaphone, scarf and beret to Bart and prepares for the scene) Look Portlyn, summer's almost over and once the falls come back to the Falls I need to be free. Shh. Time for talking is over.

Selena: (walks on set) What's the matter with you?!

Chad: What's the matter with me?! What's the matter with.....Wait those words didn't come out of your mouth.

Selena: You've got great legs Portlyn. Let's see how they move. (punches Portlyn and Portlyn falls on a chair)

Sonny: Hey! I never punched-

Bart: (to Sonny) Shhhh!

Chad: What do you think you're doing? You can't just barge in here and interrupt Chad Dylan Cooper when he's in the middle of making MacKenzie Falls magic.

Selena: I think I made my point.

Chad: Good.

Selena: Good.

Chad: Fine.

Selena: Fine. (jumps on Chad)

Chad: Goo-. Whoa.

Sonny: (shocked and takes the megaphone) Cut! Cut! Cut it out!

Sonny: I can't believe you kissed Chad! Where in the script does it say that 'Sonny kisses Chad?'

Selena: It's not in the script. I told you, I wanted to play your character honestly.

Sonny: (laughs) And you think that I would kiss him?

Selena: Yes I do.

Sonny: Well, I would never kiss him.

Selena: In that scene?

Sonny: No! Not anywhere! Not in a scene, not in a dream. Not in car. Not near, not far, not here, not there, not anywhere- I'm rhyming aren't I? See, I do that when I don't want to kiss someone.

Selena: Really, Sonny, really?

Sonny: Now you sound like Chad!

Selena: Huh, well that line is in the script. Page eighteen, twenty two and twice on thirty nine.

Sonny: He does say that a lot. (both Sonny and Selena laugh)

Selena: Well maybe it's because he has the same issues as you do.

Sonny: Wha-? Pfft! What are you? Some kind of expert on how people feel about each other? Some sort of relationship...wh-what's the word? [gasps] WIZARD! YES! You like to sprinkle your wizardy relationship dust over people who you think you know, but you don't! No, you don't! So you know what I say? I say good day wizard! [walks away then comes back] I say good day!

Selena: [into recorder] Thinks I'm actually wizard.

Sonny: (wearing a wizard costume) Abracadabra!

Selena: Oh what is this now?

Sonny: Well how do you like me playing you? Look at me, I'm Selena Gomez! I'm the relationship wizard! I know everything! Edgbono eutusis!

Selena: Check it out! I'm Sonny from Wisconsin! I'm just an exploding ball of sunshine! Check it out! Check it out!

Sonny: Look at me! I'm Selena! I went to acting school so I could learn how to do this! Cashmerious appearous! [waves invisible wand in Selena's face] Yeah! It's an invisible wand!

Selena: Well look at me! I'm Sonny and I'm ticking off the person who's playing me in a movie, and maybe I shouldn't because she can make me look really bad!

Sonny: Well look at me, I'm Selena and, I'd never do that to Sonny girl!

Chad: (to Selena) Hey Selena. (looks at Sonny) Hey Scary Potter.

Sonny: (frowns)

Chad: Don't mind me ladies. I'm just here to get a fresh beret and recharge my microphone. (switches berets and gets a new megaphone) [into megaphone] See ya on set. (leaves)

Selena: I don't know what you see in that guy.

Sonny: Are you kidding me? I don't see anything in that guy and I wish you would stop insisting that I do.

Selena: Well if you think I'm playing it wrong then maybe you should just show me.

Sonny: Fine, I will.

Selena: Fine, you're hired.

Sonny: Fine!

Selena: Good!

Sonny: Good!

Selena: Fine!

Sonny: Fine! Great! Now we're doing it! (leaves)

Selena: Oh.

[Nico and Grady walk into the prophouse and find their lookalikes are gone.]

Nico: Hey, where'd we go? (Tawni walks in)

Tawni: I forgot something.

Grady: Wha-[Tawni slaps him and walks out]

Nico: Oh, you're gonna need some ice for that.

Grady: What did I do?

Chad: Oh Sonny, try to stop yourself from falling in love with me, I beg you.

Sonny: [rolls her eyes]

Selena: I'm just a small town girl with a big town dream, and meeting you was the biggest dream of all.

Sonny: Okay, CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT!

Chad: Again! Really?

Selena: It's okay Chad. She's helping me out.

Sonny: Okay now Selena, remember your biggest dream is to be on So Random! Chad is just a monster who wakes you up! (glares at Chad) Oh and remember that you hate him! You just really, really hate him! [Chad glares at Sonny] Action. [walks off set]

Chad: Sonny-

Sonny: Oh and one more thing! He is the worst actor of our generation!

Grady: You know what would make this easier? If you would stop saying "E-e-e-e-e-e-easy G."

Sonny: Hey. You guys made a house of cards.

Tawni: No you're saying it wrong. It's (says it dully) "Wow you guys made a house of cards."

Nico: It's not a house, it's a fortress.

Grady: Fortress.

(The building starts shaking.)

Zora: Earthquake! Take cover!

Grady: Everybody! Into the fortress! (jumps on the fortress of cards)

Nico: (falls on Grady's back)

Zora: (hides under a table) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

(Everybody scrambles to find a place to hide. Sonny takes out her cellphone and starts to record a video.)

Sonny: It's my first Los Angeles earthquake! Which is exciting and TERRIFYING! This is me screaming in terror! (screams) And this is me getting under the table which is what you're suppose to do! EARTHQUAKE!!!!!

(Everybody screams. Tawni hides in the photo booth. Grady hangs on to a cactus. Nico hides in the sarcophagus. Zora laughs and claps her hands.)

Sonny: (whimpers) Help

(Marshall walks in calmly.)

Marshall: Calm down. Calm down everyone. It wasn't a quake. The studio is just doing some construction.

Sonny: AHHH! CONSTRUCTION!!! just kidding just kidding

(Everyone walks out of their hiding spots.)

Tawni: Finally! They're making some improvements around here. I guess somebody read the note I put in the demand box.

Sonny: You mean the suggestion box?

Tawni: No.

Nico: Yes! They're building a weight room!

Grady: Even better! They're building a bait and tackle shop! Now I don't have to go downtown for my worms!

Marshall: Not even close. Anybody else wanna guess?

Zora: A guillotine!

Marshall: Ahhh. Even warmer!

Sonny: Okay if a guillotine is closer then I don't want to guess anymore.

Marshall: Okay okay! I'll tell ya! They're kicking you out of the prophouse!

So Random Cast: WHAT?!?!

Marshall: You see, I took a horrible situation and turned it into a fun little game!

Sonny: No! You didn't! You took something horrible and took forever to tell it!

Marshall: You're right. Look I'll make this next part quick and I won't sing it to you like I planed,You have 24 hours to pack up your things and leave

Sonny: I can't believe you're telling us this

Sonny: (on phone) Chad can we discuss this like real people? Really? He said he's on his way back.

Chad: (bursts in on forklift)

Cast: (screams)&(Hides)

Chad: So what do you wanna discuss?

Sonny: Okay guys if we can be half as annoying as Zora was in that sketch We will be back in the Prop House in no time okay Prop House on three Cast: (Puts hands in the middle) 1 2 3 Prop House!

Sonny: (runs up to Tawni, Nico and Grady) You guys! You guys! Stop eating!

Nico: Alright! Turn around! Let me see your butt!

Sonny: (confused) What?

Sonny: Hey Chad. Did you hear about my Walk-a-Thon for books?

Chad: Oh yes, we did. And I have to say Sonny, you are very inspiring.

Sonny: Well, we have so much. It's important that we give back.

Chad: (laughs) Aah no, I meant you inspired me to have a Walk-a-Thon against your Walk-a-Thon.

Sonny: (Pauses to look at the flyer Chad handed to her) A Walk-a-thon against books? How could you be against books?

Chad: That's easy. The more you read, the less you watch MacKenzie Falls.

Sonny: That's your cause, To get people to watch more TV?

Chad: Are you not listening? It's to get them to read less. I'll see you at the Walk-a-Thon to read less books. (turns and turns back around) I've got something to tell you Sonny. We're gonna raise more money than you.

Sonny: For what?

Chad: To not buy books.

Sonny: That doesn't even make sense!

Chad: Aah. Guess all that reading you're doing isn't making you any smarter now, is it? See ya.

Chad: We're gonna look hotter than you at the Walk-a-Thon.

Sonny: (laughs) Giving back is what's hot!

Chad: That's what people who don't look hot say.

(Nico and Grady are rolling around the floor, trying to button Tawni's Extreme Skinny Jeans.)

Nico: These pants are so skinny!

Nico: Tawni's pants are squishing my gluttons maxmi moola!

Grady: (stands up)I signed up for a Walk-a-Thon. Not to have my internal organs crushed by Tawni's jeans!

Sonny: (walks out of the photo booth and trying to button her jeans) I want my mommy jeans back!

Grady: This is impossible.

Sonny: We have to make this work! The only way we can get Tawni to walk with us is for us to wear her jeans because her fans will see on t.v. us wearing her jeans which will raise money for more books and less money for no books and everybody wins except Chad!!!!!! Hey now that I got that out I can button my pants.

Grady: Well good for you because I'm never getting these things on.

Nico: Me neither.

Tawni: (walks in) Yes you will. Thanks to the Tawni Hart Butt Horn.

(The So Random crew all fall down)

News Reporter: Chad, can I get a comment?

Chad: Well-(screams) We win, suck-ahh!(falls down)

(The rest of Makenzie Falls crew fall down dramatically)

News Reporter: Oh no! MacKenzie Falls is down too! What is happening?!

Sonny: SPS is happening.

Chad: Sonny! Sonny, come here! I need to tell you something, in case I don't make it.

Sonny: Okay.

Chad: I love...

Sonny: Yes?

Chad: I mean I deeply love..

Sonny: Go on!

Chad: ...that more kids are reading less books because of Chad Dylan Cooper!

Sonny: (lets go of Chad's hand and touches his forehead) Oh no! I think you're coming down with P.F.S. too!

Chad: What's that!?

Sonny: (picks up pillow) Pillow in the Face Syndrome! (hits Chad with pillow)

Doctor: Ms. Monroe!

Sonny: Yeah, just fluffing Doc! (throws pillow at Chad and walks over to the doctor)

Chad: Give it to me straight, doc! I can take it.

Doctor: You have L.B.S.

Chad: (gasps) Leading Boy Syndrome?!

Doctor: No. Lack of Book Syndrome! Also known as Lazy Butt Syndrome! LBS is also the abbreviation of pounds, (starts poking Chad), which is what you are going to gain if you don't stop watching yourself on T.V.

Chad: Can't you just cut my pants off? You know how you do?

Doctor: Read two books, then call me in the morning, Mr. Cooper. (hands Chad a perscription)

Chad: (Looks at perscription) Actually it's Dylan Cooper.

Doctor: Not anymore, I removed your Dylan while you were under.

Chad: NO! What did you do to it?!

Doctor: I gave it to someone who wouldn't waste it! (Opens curtains to reveal Grady)

Doctor: Good afternoon, Mr. Grady Dylan Mitchell.

Grady: Just got my Dylan. I've been waiting for 2 years!

Chad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (cries) WHY?!

(Chad wakes up)

Chad: I must have fallen asleep reading. Stupid books. That was horrible! (closes book)

Sonny: (to Gassie and pets him) Awww. There you are. You know, I used to have a dog just like you in Wisconsin. Yeah, except he was a beagle with three legs and one eye. We called him Lucky! Or... or Limpy. Or Blindy. But, you know, it didn't matter what we called him because he was deaf too! You know what else he loved? We think. Meatballs. Yeah, you smell? (feeds Gassie the meatballs) Awwww. I bet she never feeds you treats huh?

Sonny: (watching the video on Zora's camera and sees herself sleep walking and destroying Senor Smoothie) I must have been sleepwalking. I must have been the one who broke the heater and Grady's GameGuy. Oooh and killed Senor Smoothie. I'm Candy Face. I'm Candy Face! I'm Candy Face! And I'm destroying the evidence. (throws the camera against a stump and breaks it)

Nico: What was that?!

Sonny: Ahhh! (throws the camera and her gloves on the ground) It's Candy Face!

(The So Random cast come out of the tent.)

Sonny: Candy Face! She- he- it broke your camera!

Zora: It's like the monster is deliberately destroying everything that's important to us!

Tawni: And yet he gently deposits you.

(The Mackenzie Falls cast come out of their tent.)

Chad: Let me guess, Candy Face... broke the camera. There's no evidence to prove it you guys are right. One of you is responsible for this and I'm pretty sure it's-

Sonny: No, no, no! (crying and hugs Chad) Chad, Chad, Chad! It happened right in front of me and it was so scary. The only thing I could think of was if only Chad Dylan Cooper, the greatest actor of our generation, was here to save us.

Chad: He is (holds Sonny) and he will.

Chloe: You believe her?

Chad: I believe that she's not a good enough actor to lie this convincingly.

Sonny: You see what's happening here? Trust. Which means our job here is done. So we can just take that trust, put it in a bottle, wrap a little bow around it, bring it back to the studio because together we can-

'Zora: KILL CANDY FACE!

So Random and Mackenzie Falls cast: Yeah!

Sonny: Or we can capture him and rehabilitate him.

So Random and Mackenzie Falls cast: NO!

Chad: Everybody in to the Mac Falls tent. We'll huddle there for safety there tonight. Tomorrow, our first trust exercise is weapon building!

Chad: What say you good woman? Were these freshly picked this fine morn?

Sonny: I said act natural not Amish. This is silly. Why don't we just tell people that we have a date tonight?

Chad: Bad idea. You know how much our two shows hate each other. If they find out we're going on a date they'll think it's okay for them and then- (shakes his head)

Tawni: You don't think those guys like each other, do you?

Nico: Maybe. I mean look at them trying to act all discreet.

Grady: Well, I happen to be keen reader at lips. So whatever they're trying to say, they might as well say it to me.

Sonny: So Chad...

Grady: No, Brad.

Sonny: what's the plan?

Chad: Well I'm getting us a limo-

Grady: Apparently he's getting a pillow.

Chad: to take us-

Grady: Two steaks plus.

Chad: at 8:00-

Grady: He ate a sock.

Chad: to a nice dinner.

Grady: and a rice thinner.

Tawni: Read my lips.

Grady: [turns to Tawni]

Tawni: You're a dope.

Grady: "Europe's pope."

Sonny: It is a sad day when a young woman can't try on twelve or thirteen outfits without being accused of going on a date! You should be ashamed of yourselves! (waves her finger) Shame on you! (Grady raises his hand) Yes Grady?

Grady: So in the risk of further shame, will you be joining us for pizza night? Because you're in charge of the coupons.

Sonny: No I won't be joining you.

Tawni: Ah ha!

Sonny: Not because I have a date or anything. Because I'll be helping my mother who has a sprain ankle from doing things with that foot that she should not have been doing.

Nico: Too bad Sonny's gonna miss Pizza Night.

Zora: Yeah, pizza just won't taste the same without her.

Grady: Yes it will!

Chad: (looks at his clothes) Hello boys. It's showtime!

Sonny: Hello girls. It's toe time! (paints her toes)

(Sonny is looking for good earrings to wear while Chad is looking for good shoes to wear.)

Sonny and Chad: Nah. (puts their first choice down and picks up their second choice up) Nah. (puts their second choice down and picks up their third choice) Nah.

Sonny: (picks up two pairs of earrings) This would be so much easier if I was a dude.

Sonny: Thank you West Appleton High! I can't believe a week from now I will be leaving Wisconsin to go to Hollywood! And it's a good thing too because I didn't finish my book report.

Mr. Henderson: Boo!

Sonny: Sorry Mr. Henderson. But I promise exactly one year from today I will be back home to accept West Appleton's highest honor, the firing of the Cheese Cannon! And to deliver my book report. And even though I will be leaving Wisconsin I will always have cheese in my heart. Gouda! Havarti! Cheddar and Jack!

Present Day

Sonny: Wisconsin cheese is an awesome snack!

Sonny: (puts the book down and smiles) You believe in me Tawni.

Tawni: Those better be the first words in that book.

Penelope: I'm giving you one last chance, MacKenzie. If don't give me your water I'll fill my bottles from the tap. Chad this is where you turn and face me. (turns Chad's chair around and sees Chad looking at pictures of Sonny on his cellphone)

Chad: (sad) This is milady at the zoo. This is milady at the pancake house eating a shortstack. This is milady screaming to not take pictures of her shortstack.

Penelope: Chad, what are you doing?

Chad: That's what she asked when I took the picture! (crying) Why did I let her go?! Don't look at me!

Chad: (crying) I miss you Shortstack!

Sonny: The bomb! This book is the bomb!

Tawni: And from the looks of it, it looks like you're almost finished. (smiles)

(On Chad's jet)

Chad: WHY?!?!?!?!?! And that's our inflight entertainment.

Zora: It's a good thing this plane comes with barf bags.

Chad: I can't think! (looks at a fortune cookie) I don't need a fortune cookie to make this decision. (throws the fortune cookie away) I choose Sonny.

So Random Cast: (cheers)

Audience: (counting down)

(The So Random cast and Chad show up. Chad pushes Sonny out of the way, Zora puts out the cannon with her pipe and Nico pulls out the cheese ball.)

Chad: You people disgust me, almost as much as the snot rocket that just came out of milady's nose. It's okay, come on. Let's go make you some tea because you're sick, (turns to the So Random cast) lovesick. (makes kissing faces)

So Random Cast: (disgusted)

Sonny: You know what? You're right. It must be the fever talking because if I wasn't sick, clearly I'd know that you could never handle this list.

Grady and Sonny: Your mom and dad are clapping. They don't have to hear your yapping.

Grady: And yes they said...

Grady and Sonny: Not to call!

Announcer: And the insensitive hits keep on coming!

Sonny: (singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year. The lake last year, the lake last year. A kid got wedgied by the lake last year and now his undies are hanging from a flagpole. (looks menacingly at the the kids)

(The kids stare at her scared and shocked.)

Announcer: Yes, it's 24 songs, sung by two terrible people!

Grady and Sonny: Order now!

Sonny: (frowns) Or else.

Tawni and Nico: We will! (reaches for the phone)

Zora: No you won't!

Tawni: (is mad and staring at her lipstick)

Sonny: (walks in and singing) A kid got wedgied by the lake last year-

Tawni: (turns to Sonny) What did you do?!

Sonny: The machine gave me an extra granola bar! What was I suppose to do?! Put it back?

Tawni: I don't care about that.

Sonny: Good, cause I didn't.

Tawni: Well you used my lipstick.

Sonny: No, I didn't. Trust me, the only thing touching these lips is this granola bar. Followed shortly by this granola bar. (shows Tawni another granola bar)

Tawni: Well if you didn't use my Cocoa Moco Cocoa then who did?

At the cafeteria:

Grady: (eating yogurt) Hey did I get any yogurt on my face?

Nico: Question is did you get any in your mouth.

Sonny: So Zora, who was that cute boy you were flirting with?

Zora: I wasn't flirting.

Sonny: Then why'd you flick a pea at him?

Zora: I don't know.

Tawni: Do you like him?

Zora: I don't know.

Sonny: Does he like you?

Zora: I don't know.

Tawni: What do you know?

Zora: That you're annoying me.

Sonny: But without me she wou-

Tawni: No! Sonny, every time you sprinkle your rainbows and cheddar dust all over a situation it ends poorly. So don't meddle.

Chad: Cut! Take five! Milady on the set! (throws a imaginary lasso at Sonny and pulls the lasso)

Sonny: (not moving)

Chad: (still pulling the lasso)

Sonny: (shakes her head) Really? Sonny it up?

Chad: (wrapping the lasso) Yeah, that's the word you use when meddling just won't do.

Joe: Not since I was six. What's going on here? One minute I'm walking on stage. The next minute there's a burlap sack over my head. And now I'm a Christmas present?!

Shelly: The best Christmas present ever! (hugs Joe)

Shelly's Mom: Yes he is sweetie. And you know what? We got you all of the accessories!

Shelly's Dad: Uh huh! The Joe Jonas Car!

Joe: You stole my car?!

Joe: (yodeling)

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Sonny Munroe and Joe Jonas.

(Music starts playing)

Sonny: (singing) Didn't know what to get you, ordinary just wouldn't do. But I just found my perfect gift for you. I hear church bells ringing. (Joe joins in) Carolers are singing, harmony with me now. (smiles at Joe)

Joe: (singing and looks at Sonny) You are looking so lovely. (Sonny joins in) Even if the lights go out. We got mistletoe and firelight on this cold December night. The snow outside will set the mood as I sing my song.

Sonny, Joe and So Random Cast: We've got mistletoe.

Joe: Mistletoe.

Sonny, Joe and So Random Cast: And firelight

Joe: And firelight.

Sonny, Joe and So Random Cast: On this cold December night. The snow outside will set the mood as I sing my song for you.

Sonny: (wearing funny glasses) Okay great first day of camp guys. Now remember pies are for eating not throwing. (ducks down after a pie is thrown at her) I know what cabin you sleep in Brian! (closes the door then her cellphone rings and she takes off the glasses) Hello?

Chad: (enters) Hey! What's up, Randoms? How are we enjoying this fine day?

Sonny: Oh hey there Chad Dylan Chipper.

Chad: Oh that I am. That I am. (whispers to Sonny) Figured out to solve our little problem.

Sonny: Oh great. (to the So Random cast) Hey guys, could you give us five minutes?

Zora: Sure. Hey, who wants to take a taxi ride to see where they make Chad park his car now?

(The So Random cast laugh and leave.)

Chad: (laughs) It's funny 'cause it's true.

Sonny: Wow, you're being an awfully good sport.

Chad: There's no reason not to be. So I've been thinking about what you said about how I was letting So Random's win get between us and I wanted to fix it.

Sonny: (sits down) See? I knew you would get past this.

Chad: (sits down) I had to, for us. (holds Sonny's hands)

Sonny: Gosh, it feels so good to hear that from you. Some silly award shouldn't get between us.

Chad: I totally agree. So I ordered a recount for the Best Tween Show.

Sonny: You did what now?

Chad: I ordered a recount. Great news, So Random lost. (smiles)

Sonny: (sad) I can't believe this.

Chad: What that you lost? Oh, don't worry about it. You'll get use to it. I did.

Sonny: No you didn't. (stands up) You ordered a recount, Chad. Why would you even think about doing that?

Chad: (stands up) You felt weird about winning, I felt weird about losing and now thanks to me, we don't have to feel weird anymore.

Sonny: (still sad)

Chad: But you do have a very weird look on your face.

Sonny: It's called disappointment, Chad. You were so miserable that you weren't the center of attention for one day that you went out and ordered a recount?

Chad: Whoa. I just wanted things to go back to normal like I promised.

Sonny: Normal? Oh, you mean the normal where you always win and I always lose? I don't like that normal. Boyfriends and girlfriends are suppose to support each other, root for each other. I can't be in a relationship with someone who always put himself first.

Chad: I did this for us.

Sonny: No, Chad. (gives Chad the Tween Choice Award) The only us now is between you and this award. I hope you two will be very happy together.

Chad: Are you breaking up with me because I thought I was helping.

Sonny: That's the worst part. Goodbye Chad.

Chad: Sonny don't do this.

Sonny: No, just go.

Chad: I just-

Sonny: Chad, there are no second chances this time. I'm sorry. You won the recount but you lost me.

Chad: (puts the Tween Choice Award down and begins to leave but turns around one last time)

Sonny: (not looking at Chad)

Chad: (leaves)

Sonny: (tears fall out of her eyes) I know you guys are up there.

(Tawni, Zora, Nico and Grady are upstairs eavesdropping and go down to Sonny.)