This week I should don it as the week of relationship controversy with my post earlier this week on Men and The Madonna Whore complex and this guest post today. What are your thoughts on polygamy? Yeah you know like the HBO show “Big Love” Or even the idea of a polyamorous relationship? Some people think these maybe fringe or archaic ideas but some people are practicing it more than what we may think(some willingly and others unbeknownst to them). Have you thought about this idea? I know you maybe dismissing it and I am not necessarily saying its something I can do (I mean it is hard enough dealing with one woman let alone more than one). This week’s guest post is another one from Danielle Kimberly (@mzaleck) of Missaleck.com and she brings up the points of women considering polygamy in 2012.

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Lately, polygamy has been the topic of discussion between myself and my guy besties. Apparently polygamy is not an abstract idea in a lot of men’s minds, in fact it is historical. “Men especially black men aren’t built for monogamy. If we trace back our roots polygamy was common place in Africa. American culture labeled it savage and criminal,” says a 32 year-old film student. Others joined in to his sentiment, “I believe there would be a lower divorce rate and a higher intra-racial marriage rate if more black women would consider the idea of polygamy. I mean the “Sister Wives” situation is real.”

While polygamy is attributed only to foreign nations and certain religious sects we are seeing many marriage couples adapting to “versions” of this ancient practice to keep their marriage alive.Adopting polygamy’s kissing cousin, Hollywood A-listers like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Monique and her husband, Angelina and Brad Pitt, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green embrace open relationships/marriage.

“Black women are always complaining that there are limited black men; however, they never consider that he is capable of taking care of multiple women’s needs. We’ve been historically built for that role. Our sisters need to wake up. They are the least likely to get married.”

Yes, here comes the dismal statistics hurled at a single black women on every possible occasion. However, what good can come out of choosing to “share” our men and husbands with other women?

1. You Can Face The Facts: The hard truth according to The Truth About Deception.com 30-60% of all married couples cheat during some point in their marriage. Will Smith discussed open marriage vs. fidelity, “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people. If it came down to it, then one would say to the other: ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now I’m not going to do it if you don’t approve of it.'” It’s not cheating if you control the parameters. In most cases, Polygamy allows the first wife to choose the next wives. The power to choose is empowering women. It also validates their worth and opinion inside of their marriage.

2. You Can “Have It All”: Women tend to give so much of themselves in marriage and parenthood that often there is a seed of resentment because their dreams and accomplishments are put on permanent pause. In traditional marriages juggling career and married life is difficult. Historically, the argument is that something is going to suffer. Polygamy allows you the time you need to accomplish individual goals and attend to your marriage. As seen on sister wives, each wife has a life apart from being a house wife. They each have careers.

3. You Have Your Own Sisterhood: Polygamy allows for an in-house sorority. There is a bonding experience that happens between the wives which allow them to help each other in domestic duties and parenthood. They understand the ups and downs of maintaining a healthy marriage. They bounce ideas off of each other and turn to one another for emotional support. A major perk is that you have live-in baby sitters on date night! A lot of stress that is common in traditional marriages are alleviated. For example, financial responsibilities are split between 3 or more instead of two people.

4. It Never Gets Old: Because your husband’s time is split with each of you equally, every date is like the first date. Your relationship will never get old or stifling. The nit-picking that most couples experience from spending “too much” time together will not exist in your marriage.

5. He Will Be Faithful: Your husband has several personalities to satisfy, several mouths to feed, and a lifetime of loving to give. He will be too preoccupied to consider cheating. With every woman comes a unique set of needs and desires. Boredom does not have a chance to set in because there is always something new and exciting going on in your marriage.
While I don’t have the stomach, patience or liberal psyche to consider polygamy there are some interesting arguments for the affirmative. Is it time single ladies consider a polyamorous relationship?

1.) I agree with your sentiments wholeheartedly. No, I’m not talking from a selfish experience. I am actually talking from a sharing experience. Certain aspects of society COULD be washed away from a polygamist/polyandrous approach to relationships.

2.) In our present society based on selfishness, monogamy-based relationships, and the influence of Abrahamic religions, the idea would never truly work out. Concerns of jealousy, amorality, and “cheating” will always come into play.

I like where you are headed with this, Trust, though, that many will disagree. I know that you want this, expect it, and don’t really care, however. I am just glad to see a female out there that understands how I feel about relationships.

I am guffawing.
There is one reason why this will not work in our society: LAZINESS.
In most societies where polygamy is not frowned upon, you can only have as many wives as you can afford, AND you must be able to provide the same standard of living for each woman. Considering the trouble we have getting ONE babydaddy to help feed his child….
The husband also has a commitment to keep each of his wives satisfied in their relationships. Considering we have to wrangle, beg, cadjole & threaten our husbands these days to get a regular “date night” at ALL, you really think some man is going to put out the effort to “court” THREE women he is married to? Every date will be like the first date alright- chips and a movie on the couch!
Listen, I am joking right now, but in all seriousnes, these dudes out here need to understand that polygamy is a committment to NUTURE, PROVIDE & MANAGE more than one woman & household-it’s NOT just a free-for-all for your d**k. If you can’t do that with ONE, please stop acting like polygamy is an option for you. That “sisterhood” of women you are keeping can just as easily get together to stab you.

I couldn’t have said it better myself !! Now I will take it one step further , and say there was some valid points made for polygamy but in the real world where you cant even get sistas together in group without some sort of cattiness going on I cant imagine having two or more living and sharing the same man. Now I would be open minded enough to consider reverse polygamy , one wife and two husbands. Now that just might work!

I’ll go one step further than THAT! Y’all menzes DO realize that, just like one-on-one marriage, the concept of “polygamy” only works because all parties have committed their union to a “higher power” or gotten together with the comminment to a greater good? Polygamy often resides within some form of religion, which gives all parties accountability and responsibility. Without that committment to something greater than themselves and the pressure from the “village” to make it work, the union would fall apart. How about we just try that in our unions with ONE person to see if that works, and THEN consider branching out? Until then, just admit you want to have your cake, eat it too, and never get fat.

As a man who can be moody and temperamental, I don’t know that I could handle 3, 4, 5 different women under the same roof. I mean I’ve seen the Sister Wives show a couple times and for religious reasons it’s work for them. But to do it as means to circumvent fidelity, I’m not sure polyamory is a logical option. I respect your objectivity as a black woman for putting it under a microscrope though! Good read

No! Men not cheating in a polygamous relationship is not true. Even Bill cheated in Big Love with his last wife. So this theory is inaccurate. My friends and I spoke on this topic last week and NO I cannot deal with other women or sister wives. In house sorority? PLEASE!!! I don’t want to be around my linesisters and sorors all the time. I don’t have to be around my biological sisters all the time. I grew in a house full of women so NO this is not an option for me! More than likely a physical altercation would ensue.

It’s not time for American women to consider polygamy. It’s time for American women and men to devote themselves to more wholesome, committed, and meaningful relationships. While I certainly like the writer’s willingness to engage in this interesting topic, I have to disagree that polygamy is not a realistic, viable, and good option for American women and men to consider. At a time when we need to be strengthening the American family, this would lead the American family into moral and social decay.

Good read but I’m with Renita, American women (not just black women) have problems with other women. I don’t believe this is the answer to keeping a man from cheating, if he wants to, he will, no matter how much p*ssy is made available to him on a regular basis. Besides, many Americans are still trying to come to terms with relationships being between man-man and or woman-woman, to throw a third party in there right now would be disastrous!!!

I think I could handle more than one chick!! Cause I just know what needs to be done. The problem will be that most chicks have too much ego and extracurricular things involved with them that the emotional instability will keep me from handle all of them and making sure they are all al right

What?!!! They have too many “extracurricular things going on with them”…I really debated whether or not I was going to respond to this comment. Besides the fact that it ABSOLUTELY defies logic…you good sir are a hot mess on parade lol. Thank you for reading though!!!!

I know me speaking as Darryl Frierson it is hard enough dealing with ONE woman and all that comes with that let alone a multiple woman and all of their needs. Plus the energy(esoterically speaking) would all be off and not given all to one person so therefore I wouldn’t get 100% out of them or the relationship

I agree with this blog being that life as a wife, mother, and hard working woman can be overwhelming at times. Hey I can be wife number one and really would love if my husband had a wife number 2, now 3 and 4 is just being to damn greedy though. :)

Its interesting that everyone who has posted here has undoubtedly watched an Adult film evolving multiple men and or women engaged in sexual acts yet we are not shocked nor repulsed by these videos. Please exclude yourself if you watched a porno for the first time and was emotionally scarred and never watched one again. Back to my point we can bring ourselves as human beings to watch taboo sexual acts rooted in lust yet we can’t bring ourselves to embrace honest open heterosexual commitments rooted in love.

Polygamy produces ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, Cerebral Palsy etc…why because it is imbalance of roles. Children will be born with hyperactivity because women did the role of two people, the wife and the husband’s, mental and physical work. Polygamy societies have too much mental problems because of this serious imbalance…. Polygamy should be banned.