Meanwhile, over on property piffle Escape To The Country, beaming host Alistair Appleton announced: “Matthew and Anita don’t do things by halves and I’m in no doubt they’ll end up buying this place. Watch this space.”

TV Dross

Favourite lines

The Jump... and Anthea Turner insists: “This is going to be the craziest thing I’ve ever done.”

What, crazier than shacking up with Grant Bovey?

The Big Benefits Row... and Katie Hopkins storms: “It is not your right to have a child.”

Actually, it is.

And finally...

Channel 4’s culinary catastrophe The Taste continues to showcase Nigella “cocaine” Lawson’s excruciating awkwardness on telly. Stir in a confusing dullsville format... and there you have it: a recipe for failure. Like haggis lasagne on a spoon. Och aye the NO!

Is Wayne Sleep’s new reality offering Big Ballet an inspirational programme empowering “real people” who want to dance in Swan Lake? Or is it another of Channel 4’s exploitative freak shows poking fun at fatsos trying to pirouette? You decide.

“Oh no, not again!” cried some dismayed relative after supersized Nick Dixon returned to The Voice only to be rejected for the second time. The sickeningly positive judges won’t tell him he’s rubbish. Which is cruel. But at least Kylie is having fun. The viewers, not so much...