My user name is an animal totem that came to me during a powerful men's training weekend over three years ago.

(My nickname at home is also a four letter animal starting with BU- hence my avatar - only the name Bull relates to my zodiac sign and personality traits of being defiant, strong, knocking things over, stepping on toes, and snorting when little things don't go my way.)

But the name "Buck" rings more true for me on this powerful path of recovery.

This realization was part of 40+ intense hours in April 2008: learning to connect to my strength, to my mission and to my spirit. This animal was with me as I faced my fears, my weakness, and my shame. The "Mountainous" part resonated with me after I did this work, so I added it to my animal name.

"Mountainous" reminds me that I shall not hide or disappear, that I CAN withstand the shocks and trials of this life, and that my strength is deeply grounded. It connects me to the mountains I often visited in my youth: where I played, tested myself, excelled outdoors, and found freedom and solitude. It was during one of these trips to the mountains when, struggling with my life, my drunken despair, and my future, I made the decision to humble myself and choose the path to sobriety.

The Buck is part of God's creation-so am I.

The Buck is strong, and stays strong by seeking what nourishes him. The Buck is alert, protects his herd, and knows how to fight for what is his.

Here is what some spiritual people say about the buck:

Quote:

... carries the message of purity of purpose; of walking in the light to dispel shadows. ... knows the work that it must do, and goes about that work with no fanfare and no need for personal glory or recognition.

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