Parenting is hard

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I had to cancel a planned trip to Perth with my daughter to see Disney on Ice this June due to her behavior, I have given her multiple warnings and have given her the tools she needs to make the right decisions but she failed to "get on board" and two weeks ago i said there are no more warnings, and then on Monday i cancelled the trip. she has hated on me since, I know she will be ok, Im already ok with my decision, because i made the call that this would be taken away if she didn't improve, and ive followed through with it, but man its hard.

The things we wanted her to work on were

- the way she talks to her brother (the tone)

- not ignoring her mother and I when we talk to her, request her to do things

- in public to be polite and not interrupt rudely if we are talking to other people

- actually do as she is told

She is only 8, but she is an intelligent kid, who is making dumb decisions, maybe we are asking a lot from her (I dont feel we are), we are just trying to raise a good kid.

My wife and I are not exactly the calmest of people. Wife has a short fuse, lets things build up then explodes, I just have a short temper when dealing with shit, probably better described as having a low tolerance for stupid/ time wasting/ dumb decision making etc etc.

My wife blames herself for the personality our daughter has, being that she is basically identical to her mother, however i keep trying to tell her that we are all individual, sure there a bits of us that mould her personality, but she has the tools to make her own decisions on how she behaves, we dont make her backchat, we dont make her ignore us.........

Its just hard...........

Rant over....sorry

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Had plenty of struggles with our son. The amount of times his Xbox and who knows what other toys ended up in my cupboard. He's 12 but can still throw a 5 year olds tantrum with the best of them (or like me).

Sometimes I guess you just have to let them think you're the worst person in the world for a while, till they come round.

But it doesn't matter how old they are, someone's you just have to remember they are still kids. My daughter is 16 today and she's been all peaches and cream. But I still have to ask her to do something, then ask again, and again, then do it myself and remind her that she didn't do it.

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You describe my daughter who is 8 in a month pretty much to the T Kieran, except for the times where she calls me and my wife by our first names trying to get a rise out of us, or goes off on one of her "my house, my rules" or comes straight out and tells my wife for no reason that she has a bad husband

I've found that it's a combination of hitting them where it hurts (removing wi-fi codes seems to work at times, other times it is keeping her home from playdates with friends, or a financial penalty which with the local show coming up is working at the moment) and giving them more attention outside of when the behaviour is being shown seems to work. But time and place for everything, been a few times where we need to get places or do things and don't have time for her hissy fits and the wooden spoon coming out can have the desired effect. Just the threat of it can work when she is worked up, rarely have to actually use it

Good to follow through on the threats though

Now someone tell me how to deal with a 5 year old daughter learning all of these habits from her, I really want a break from this parenting thing for around the next 15 years...

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You are not alone mate, for most of us it is by far the hardest thing you will do. Ironman training seems like a pleasant break from parenting.

Often the brighter they are the harder it is, for everyone.

My daughter was similar, I think its their brain thinking things that they are not emotionally mature enough to think through or 2nd guess. Then they have a emotional meltdown when it sinks in both what they have done and the consequences.

You just have to stick with it and do what you think is right. My wife is in early childhood with uni degrees etc and even she struggles sometimes, so you can take some heart from that.

My wife always said "Dont make threats you are not prepared to go through with" as in the heat of the moment you may threaten to cancel christmas or hunt down the easter bunny but it taught me to try and calm down and make the threats more measured as well.

On the upside she is nearly 16 now, I havent killed her, she is a great kid (still has her moments) and is filling in at my work as receptionist for the school holidays to earn money to pay for a trip to Rwanda to assist with some health/ mission work. So there is hope.

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Cottoneyes - my son is 5 in two weeks, so we have a bit in common with our kids ages, its certainly interesting times

Goughy - cheers mate, i think I'll be forever asking over and over again to do something i have already asked multiple times....

Roxii- some good stuff there, totally agree with the brighter they are comment, shes showing signs of high intelligence, her teachers at school are blown away, so yes i think this makes it even more challenging, in regards to being prepared to follow through, we absolutely do, we have to because if we dont we know how it will end up. my wife and I are big on experiences for our kids more than material things, so we have always traveled with them. i believe it has to be something big as suggesting taking away her toy, or whatever doesn't work.

She seems to think however that if her behavior improves between now and June that her and i will still go to Perth but not Disney.....how wrong she is......she was less than impressed when i told her that after she suggested it.

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i think I'll be forever asking over and over again to do something i have already asked multiple times....

Ask once, if not done in a timely manner then ask again with consequences if not done. Never ask a third time and always follow through.

We have to do these things for our kids to teach them the concept of natural justice (consequences to actions) or else they will be in big trouble later when they can't understand why bad things always happen to them. It also helps teach resilience as they have to go without. Lack of resilience has been linked to youth suicide and mental health issues. Yes we feel like pricks for doing it but that's part of the job.

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Ask once, if not done in a timely manner then ask again with consequences if not done. Never ask a third time and always follow through.

We have to do these things for our kids to teach them the concept of natural justice (consequences to actions) or else they will be in big trouble later when they can't understand why bad things always happen to them. It also helps teach resilience as they have to go without. Lack of resilience has been linked to youth suicide and mental health issues. Yes we feel like pricks for doing it but that's part of the job.

i think we are doing a good job, what you have said above is what we do, when i initially ask i let them know what will happen. for example, for Xmas my son who is 5 received from me personally a hot wheels smash up car thing, no one knew i had gone and got it for him, (him and I dont seem to have a natural bond....yes he is mine) . 3 days after Xmas i said Judd, i want you to clean all your toys up in the toy room before dinner, this was 8 hours away, and i said if you do not do it the hot wheels toy will be taken to the salvos....i reminded him with 1 hr to go and set the timer so he could see it...he chose not to....i then took the toy and put it in my Ute, whilst being hit by him all the way out to the car, i then warned him and said violence is not accepted in my house at all (which he knows already) and said i will take away your scooter you just received also, he hit me again...the scooter and hot wheels are now at the women's refuge where children are happily playing with these toys......i always follow through.

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Similar age gap with my kids, my daughter being 3 years older than my son.

But apart from forgetting to do the is thing now and then, and getting pretty moody and crabby every 4ish weeks (wait till that kicks in guys), she's pretty perfect. She even slept well as a bub. Which meant or boy was quite a shock after being spoilt by her. Wouldn't change either for quids though. As we say to Kyan all the time - you get what you get and you don't get upset!

Now for the real terror - I just got a message that she passed her learners and I have to take her on her first driving lesson this arvo! Jeezus!

Just a small thing mate, and may not have been intentional but changing the above phrase to “this house” or “our house” changes that dynamic of that sentence greatly and also possibly the subsequent reaction.

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Just a small thing mate, and may not have been intentional but changing the above phrase to “this house” or “our house” changes that dynamic of that sentence greatly and also possibly the subsequent reaction.

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I have 28 children in my class at school. They are angels! I have two children in my house, one 6 year old who is pretty good. The other one is 8. She is either an angel or Devil!

It's so much easier to control a class of 28 then it is, two of your own. Everything that has been said above about your children is the same as mine. As you all know she has been waiting ages for her laptop. It arrived yesterday afternoon. We weren't expecting it until Thursday. Unfortunately she was very disrespectful to me at trio training so she was doing Dinner, Teeth, Bath, bed. She was devastated when we told her that her laptop had arrived today and unfortunately she wouldn't be able to even take it out of the box tonight. We talked about how she's happy being disrespectful when it doesn't affect her but she gets awfully upset when all of a sudden her attitude and or behaviour affects her. Not looking forward to the Teenage Years with this one!

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Well, my daughter is now "legal", and I don't mean to drive! Haven't even got my whittling chair and shotgun perched out the front door yet. She's been dating her boyfriend for nearly 2 years now..........

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Flipper has just turned 4, she's usually very good, especially at tidying up toys (she thinks its a game) but we did go through the whole 'NO' phase with her a while back. I told her she wouldn't see her bike for a week once when she repeatedly played up, and I followed through by hiding it under the stairs. That's about as bad as it's ever been.

She doesn't really play up but has some annoying habits, such as rarely looking at me when I speak to her (she's better with Mrs FP) and hiding her face when she is trouble (and running full pelt at me once and headbutting me square in the nuts but I'm 'hoping' that was an accident ).

I know when things are real bad between her and I as she'll throw a wobbler in Korean about me to Mrs FP

I always thinks she's such hard work but when we go out and I see a lot of other kids, I realise how lucky we are!

Edited January 24 by FatPom

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Well, my daughter is now "legal", and I don't mean to drive! Haven't even got my whittling chair and shotgun perched out the front door yet. She's been dating her boyfriend for nearly 2 years now..........

hate to break it to you, but after 2 years that ship sailed a looooong time ago

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I just said to my wife that we didn't seem to have anywhere near the problems with our kids. She called me an idiot, said I'm old, my memory was sh!t and to stop looking at my kids in rose coloured glasses.

I just said to my wife that we didn't seem to have anywhere near the problems with our kids. She called me an idiot, said I'm old, my memory was sh!t and to stop looking at my kids in rose coloured glasses.

Now looking for an exchange for my wife.

Power tools are always useful

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I had to cancel a planned trip to Perth with my daughter to see Disney on Ice this June due to her behavior, I have given her multiple warnings and have given her the tools she needs to make the right decisions but she failed to "get on board" and two weeks ago i said there are no more warnings, and then on Monday i cancelled the trip. she has hated on me since, I know she will be ok, Im already ok with my decision, because i made the call that this would be taken away if she didn't improve, and ive followed through with it, but man its hard.

The things we wanted her to work on were

- the way she talks to her brother (the tone)

- not ignoring her mother and I when we talk to her, request her to do things

- in public to be polite and not interrupt rudely if we are talking to other people

- actually do as she is told

She is only 8, but she is an intelligent kid, who is making dumb decisions, maybe we are asking a lot from her (I dont feel we are), we are just trying to raise a good kid.

My wife and I are not exactly the calmest of people. Wife has a short fuse, lets things build up then explodes, I just have a short temper when dealing with shit, probably better described as having a low tolerance for stupid/ time wasting/ dumb decision making etc etc.

My wife blames herself for the personality our daughter has, being that she is basically identical to her mother, however i keep trying to tell her that we are all individual, sure there a bits of us that mould her personality, but she has the tools to make her own decisions on how she behaves, we dont make her backchat, we dont make her ignore us.........

Its just hard...........

Rant over....sorry

You make it sound like she is in control of her behaviour (she probably isn't) and that she has the power to instantly change it because you simply tell her to. You haven't mentioned if there is a reason as to why she behaving that way or what you have done to to find out why. There may be a subtle reason for this (or maybe there isn't) Kids can be very complex and they are all very different. Think of it as a project rather than a disciplinary issue....

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yes it has been mentioned that if you don't like if this household, I can drop you off at your dads to live their....

good topic and helpful to those in similar 'boats'.....

yep it certainly has its challenges...

Try fostering a 14 year old girl. Who has had nothing her entire life. She had no emotional attachment to things or people. Spent her entire life without. Threats just didn't work. That was crazy hard & put the biggest strain on my marriage.

17 hours ago, Ex-Hasbeen said:

Don't worry guys. My daughter grew out of it at about 22.

Agree with this, Amber is now 25 with two of her own kids. I can't wait till they start giving her shit & she starts bitching about them to us. I'm going to drop the remember that time you.....