I get a wee bit frustrated when I read articles filled with assumptions written by experts. When will experts stop lying to us and perpetuating untruths or societal beliefs that are just not true? According to Ms. Gadoua:

“When straight couples have a fight or experience a rift in their relationship, women want to talk things out and perhaps make love later (when they feel more connected); men want to connect by making love and (maybe) talking later.

One husband told me recently that he thinks that the problems he and his wife were having would all be solved by going away for a long, sex-filled weekend. His wife saw this idea as nothing more than a superficial quick-fix.”

Where is the lie in the above quote? It’s the men want to do this and the women want to do that statements. Especially when it comes to sex. There is a belief held by most that all men are interested in sex. That sex is their first thought in the morning and last thought in the evening.

An estimated 20 million marriages in the U.S. are without physical passion. Framed differently, 15 percent to 20 percent of American couples have sex 10 times per year or less. Such issues are rarely one-sided. Most professionals believe that low desire is experienced by men and women equally.

What has this got to do with anything? It’s about the fact that when we hear about a sexless marriage we normally think some wife is withholding sex from her husband. As the above statement says though, withholding is equal opportunity and many women out there are blaming themselves for their husband’s lack of sexual appetite.

When finding herself in a sexless marriage a wife can feel confused and hurt over what she feels is irrational behavior from her husband. We learn from an early age that men want sex…period. What we women need to know is that, according to He’s Just Not Up for It Anymore 44% of men surveyed expressed a lack of interest in sex in general. Not just a lack of interest in sex with their wives but with anyone at all.

I think a better view of the issue would be to say that SOME women want to talk about marital problems and have sex later and SOME men don’t want to talk OR have sex. It’s time to get real with women about SOME men.

Comments

I am totally sexually frustrated! I love my husband dearly! He says I look better now than when we first met, I am 39 and have men trying it on often and I hate it! I want my husband but he doesn’t want me! He doesn’t touch or kiss me and when I want a cuddle at night he says I agitate him! I can’t imagine my life without him but how can he possibly love me?

Sorry Angel, It’s not you. Watch shame 2011. I couldn’t figure out myself and now after him starting seeing other women,paid or swingers or online sluts, I researched and found out he is sex addict they can’t connect with their spouse.I might be wrong but you have to investigate, he might be living two lives which is pretty heartbreaking for us who are honest don’t cheat and are forgiving. I have been married 16 years have two daughters ,which were enforced on him by me because he never wanted to be with me. I recently discovered online things and the curtain was lifted.He never would hold my hand or anything. Don’t become a person in dependent relationship, i doubt if it’s fixable.Be strong and take charge. I wasted my time 1 am 44, no career or skill don’t know what to do anymore.

Ok ladies its time to get strong!….Just the same has happened to me, sexless marriage…which he told me was due to me having a still birth and that he didnt want me to get pregnant and go through that pain agai…lies!!…I had a gut feeling that something was going on, in his internet history I found adult sex site, with sluts he had live webcam sex with, for the whole time we had been married, which was a year!….to cut a long story sort I confronted him as I felt destroyed, not only had he denied me sex, he blamed it on are dead son!….I felt like I didnt even know who my husband was anymore. After alot of reading and research I found the best solution of all….To stop being a door mat, start putting myself first and not be the little wifey that runs after him all the time….To keep in mind that if he wants to do that then hes weak and I am so much better then that…I got myself a job and started to focus on me and my daughter more,. have my own money and dont need to ask for anything. So basicly it didnt matter if he was there or not as I was happly doing my own thing and getting daily attention from over men, so I knew these wasnt anything to do with me, it was his problem not mine….after around 6 weeks of me finding out and me doing all the above he told me he had started counciling!…I was shocked as I thought he would never do that, he said he knew he had alot of issues and that he had been 4 times and is sorting them out…he also said I am an amazing person and that he is in love with me very much and that he didnt want to lose me….So it worked!!….To conclued ladies, focusing on anything but your husband is the key!!…focus on you, your kids, spend an hour in the bathroom pamper yourself, flirt alittle when your out and about, start learning something new!….be selfish for a change and see what happens…Good luck and stay strong….Your never alone!

My husband was never excited about sex. We were virgins when first married and when we were dating he never touched me in a sexual way. We never even talked about sex. when married we had sex and I suppose we were clumsy, but we did it and it was uncomfortable for me and he had his jitters and doubts. The next morning he appologized for being clumsy, and said he never wanted sex or intimacy, love again. We went home and he moved to the basement! The last think he said sex was disgusting, messy, smelly, pointless, meaningless, not worth the effort and way to much work for so little. The hurt, depression and lonelyness has been terrible. I hate men now and have no respect for them. I’m and older gal and beacuse of him I have desire for sex and intimacy. I still take depression meds, And a note to the younger gals don’t get yourself stuck in this kind of situation. Please tell him your moving on to find some one that will love and care for you. My problem is 45 years old and changing it is beyond hope. Don’t be DUMB. My 45 years has been my fault, I thought things would get better.

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