YOU'LL NEVER WOK ALONE

There's nothing the Fiver loves more than having to write stories about complicated money matters it doesn't really understand involving possible takeovers of Premier League clubs by foreign gazillionaires. More concerned with matters of literature and grammar than high finance, we used those tilty word-bend things we can't remember the name of to denote sarcasm; that sneery talky thing where you say one thing, when in fact the exact opposite is true.

Although not sarcasm, stories that Liverpool Football Club is on the verge of being bought by the People's Republic of China is another example of people saying one thing when quite the opposite is true. At least that's the case if talk rubbishing reports that Kenny Huang's bid for the club has the backing of China investment fund, the country's sovereign wealth source are to be believed. "Mr Huang would like to emphasise that he is not able to offer any comment at this stage," said a statement from the Chinese businessman's PR firm, before offering a comment at this stage. "Mr Huang would also like to deny that there is any involvement of mainland China state-owned enterprises in his business dealings."

As amusing as the notion of seeing a giant panda chewing on a stick of bamboo replace the seaweed-eating liver bird on the Liverpool club crest might be, fans of the club will almost certainly find themselves wrestling with their consciences if the Chinese government were to end up buying all that Anfield tradition that famously isn't for sale, except when it is. On the one hand, there's all those human rights abuses, the old-school Communist authoritarianism, state-sanctioned torture and murder, Great Leaps Forward, Cultural Revolutions and whatnot to consider. On the other, there's the fact that they aren't George Gillett and Tom Hicks, a state of affairs that would help most Liverpool fans see past any number of atrocities if it meant getting rid of the Yanks.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"The World Cup was boring and everyone is looking forward to the Premier League ... [there is] a girth of talent" - far be it from the Fiver to mock proper common useage of the English language, but anyway: Big Sam tells it like it is earlier today.

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FIVER LETTERS

"Dunno about the rest of the Merseyside Reds, but I imagine $tevie Mbe should fit right in to China's national side. Results from recent Olympics show the Chinese to be the best divers in the world" - Ryan Jones.

"I noticed that the artistic lead image in yesterday's Fiver was courtesy of Empics Sport. Assuming (as I must) that Mr Em has found a new line of work running a stock-photography service, how is it that the photo seemed to be focused directly on the subject, rather than several yards to one side of it?" - Russell Shaddox.

"Can I be the first of no other neuroanatomy pedants to suggest that if Jonathan Wilson really is a cerebellum in a tank, then he might find peddling tactics bongo (yesterday's Still Want More?) somewhat tricky, given that he'd not be able to do much more than help control the movements of the body he doesn't possess. Unless, of course, you meant that he's a tank-dwelling 'cerebrum'. Or of course you could just go for 'brain'. I suppose this email could light up 1,057 cerebellar function pedants with their claims for all sorts of language and cognitive functions for the cerebellum, in which case I'll be the first of zero neuroanatomy snobs to say 'nah, it's just a pillow for the rest of the brain'" - Charlie Wilson (and no other neuroanatomy pedants).

"Re: 2-2-1-1-2-1-1 being the future (yesterday's Still Want More?). Is that Yaya Touré's salary represented in binary form?" - Alasdair Patrick [No, binary form would be 0s and 1s - Fiver Ed].

BITS AND BOBS

Portsmouth have avoided liquidation - for the time being - after HM Revenue and Customs lost its high court bid for an order blocking proposals to help the club out of administration.

Player in seeing average players paid ludicrous amounts of money and subsequently playing hardball dept: Mario Balotelli's £25m move to Man City has stalled after they failed to meet his £180,000-a-week demands.

Birmingham are closing in on the signing of AZ Alkmaar striker Moussa Dembélé in a £5m deal. "Birmingham City is the most concrete option," said Dembélé, revealing himself as a keen student of its Central Library.

Norwich striker Grant Holt is set to miss the Canaries' Football League curtain-raiser against Watford tomorrow because he faces a magistrates' appearance over a motoring offence in another part of the country.

And new 606 host Robbie Savage will hang up his boots at the end of the season if he fails to win a new contract at Derby. He sniffed: "I don't really want to go down the leagues and get kicked all over the place by young up-and-coming players." Or the referees, for that matter.