Category: Tips hacks&Gupshup

Catch Author Kainaz Jussawalla and chart topper author Arvind Parashar in an exclusive chat on the occasion of his new book release online which also reveals an interesting cover.
Arvind’s first book Kabira was a top seller in November 2015.Since then, his fans have only been growing in width.
Intrigued by the title of his new novel, book one in the series of ‘Messed Up’ But All for Love trilogy…I catch the Dashing Author on a video call, at his pad in Bengaluru, on a relaxed Sunday, over a cup of Darjeeling Tea and latte..

Hey Arvind, what’s the story? The title sounds quite up my street, if you know what I mean?It is a Romance thriller Kai, this is one space that lacks Indian writing and I hope with this novel and more I can provide that to our readers.

Sounds good! Any fun moments writing it ?

Plenty. There was a time, while writing the climax, I had writer’s block. It took me two vacations and six weeks to write those six seven pages. See, this is the kind of fun authors have. Another was, when I had lost my notepad that had a couple of chapters in it. Things like that. In terms of the publishers, it is Srishti publishers, who need no introduction. I am so excited to have bagged this trilogy deal with them.

And well …Who or What has inspired you to write it ? (wink)

First of all, it is mostly a stretch of my imagination. Yes, there are certain funny instances in the novel that have been inspired from real life, however the plot and the overall story is pure fiction. A nice cup of black coffee, beautiful landscape and lovely people in my life- good enough a combination to inspire me to think and write.

I have been noticing your terrific fan following across social media?

Fortunately, I have a pretty engaged set of fans / readers on my pages. I love interacting with them. They always inspire me to write. They love my quotes, pictures, live chats and my books. In fact, they have been waiting eagerly for Messed Up! Book.

Where do you think the future of writing lies in the Indian industry?

It is a great space to be in. Indian writing is now more prominent than ever before. We have new readers who are entering that bracket as we now see, reading and writing is being encouraged in the schools and colleges. So far as the writers go, if you write well, engage well with the readers, you will stay for long.

Where is your first launch for Messed up … when do we expect the release? Am I invited?

We shall do in Bangalore, Mumbai , Kolkata and Delhi. The book is out for pre orders already and has been trending in top 50-100 on amazon bestsellers. It will hit the shelves in the month of May.

Recently I have been coming across too many instances of kids being bullied in school.

Today I am addressing the younger lot between three and ten who may have a hard time expressing their plight or their experiences and how as elders we can reach out to them.

I have also posted at the end of the feature, an interesting link of how older children can prevent being intimidated in school.

For me the definition of bullying is just not limited to a big kid pushing a smaller one or even two kids punching each other. For me it is about the bystanders, teachers, Principals and elders who don’t address it or take a strong stand on it.

I remember as a nine year old child I always stood up to a bully who bullied others. Luckily nobody bullied me, maybe because I was over confident as a child but that didn’t stop me from protecting the dark horse or the timid goose.

Recently one of my friends adopted son at eight came home crying one day, “my teacher said that I don’t belong to you.”

I was appalled. Not as much as the mother of course. When the mother addressed it with the School Principal, she was told that nothing of that sort ever happened. Blunt Denial!

The Chapter at school ended there, for my helpless friend couldn’t pull out the child in the middle of term but it was her prerogative to break this piece of information to her child gently and slowly and no one else’s business. It was too late.

The questions and the sleepless nights that followed were horrifying for the parents.

Another instant where a friends six year old came home from school one day howling that she didn’t want to live because the kids at school teased her about a skin condition. The mother had to change her school at once; she couldn’t risk making the child lose her morale and her innocence at such a tender age.

When I asked what the teachers said, she said nothing! In Fact they had also isolated her in class from games and workshops for the same.

This is my conclusion, that when one kid attacks another physically or verbally asserting his superiority, it is the role of the teacher or an authority figure to immediately intervene and nip it in the bud.

If the teacher is indirectly involved which means not pulling up the oppressor, keeping silent, nagging or taunting the child in class or being indifferent; she or he is an equal participant.

In this case waste no time in pulling them up and the parents of the violator. Playing the good guy or the timid one will not serve you or your child any good.

When parents take admission in a particular school it is not the school doing them a favour, rather the parents giving their prized possession in the hands of strangers in the hope that they would create something more beautiful than he or she already is.

Schools are here to bring the best out in your children; they are the bridges to their adult life.

I would not say that all schools are like this or that; or it is this simple ; for I am aware it is almost impossible for a given teacher to monitor each and every child in a class of thirty and more, all the time but one can prevent it from taking a turn for the worse.

Here are some of the ten things I have collected from parents of children who have been bullied one time or the other, that may help in tricky situations like these :

Stop laughing at it or making light of the situation when it happens. Don’t ridicule him or her for being shy or inactive. Teach the child to take a stand. It may be to call upon other friends for help, alert the authority in charge and show courage.

Believe your child when they tell you. Always believe your child! Children lie but they are not liars!

Address it immediately with the said parent of the child or the teacher involved.

If a teacher is nit picking on your child constantly, approach her and understand her point and then say yours. If after that it still continues, take it up with a higher authority.

Don’t be afraid to put it on paper and hand it over. That way there is no confusion in what you expect from the institute and what measures you plan to take, if it happens again.

Talk to your child everyday for fifteen minutes at least. Seek to understand how it may be affecting them. Do not disregard the child’s role in it; chances are he may have set the ball rolling…

Bring forth your point in a kind and justified manner, rewarding him for good behaviour and reprimanding once in a way for disobeying. Make sure it is not in public. There is nothing worse than public humiliation. It is as bad if not worse than being bullied by his/her peers.

Make sure he or she can tell you anything and everything. Do not punish them for being honest even if it is for something you don’t agree at all. Later you can tell them right from wrong. Listen. Don’t judge. Confident children are less likely to be bullied.

Make sure he or she is in a positive conducive environment of praise and encouragement, tip off relatives and close friends to pat the child on the back once in a way even if it is for something small as drawing a flower or scoring a goal. Keep him surrounded by healthy play dates and same interest groups that enhance his/her self esteem.

Avoid bullying tactics with your spouse, your other kids, your siblings and at home. The child has to feel that the behaviour is unacceptable in any situation at any stage in life.

Parsis ..we are unique and we are loveable !!!!
I won’t say more !
But I must confess that I love being called crazy
It is my U S P!

Here are some of the things which according to me every Parsi does or has, at least once in their life time.
Please feel free to add more …

Every Parsi must have at least walked out of their home once without their Sudra kusti.Naughty !

OK Every Parsi must have burped at least once, loudly in public.

Every Parsi must have dreamt of a delicious food spread once at least, after just finishing a huge meal.

4. Every Parsi must have at least said once in their life : “I will never be a vegetarian ”
5. Every Parsi must have forgotten their topi or scarf at least once before entering Agyari and had to borrow or pick from old ones stocked on the premises.

6. Every Parsi has a childhood doctor/homeopath, usually some Walla.. who they still want to visit and claim their childhood candies from.

7.Every Parsi loves his Mumma equally, if not more, than his spouse, even on his 25th wedding anniversary!

8. Every Parsi must have sworn at least once in their mother tongue, even if they never use a swear word otherwise. (MC BC Ghadero)

9. Every Parsi would have had one favorite grand parent whom they have thought the world off, living or dead.

10. Every Parsi will have at least one weakness.. if not whisky peg then chicken leg. If not 50 cups of tea a day, then cards to play.

11. Every Parsi may have attended a Lagan(wedding) only to relish the Patra,(meal on a leaf) often forgetting the names of the bride and the groom.

12. Every Parsi must have clapped, danced and rotated on the Birdy dance Song at least once in their lifetime.

13. Every Parsi is related to another with a maximum of four degrees separation.(fact unverified though)

14. Every Parsi has the half conviction or at least a passing thought, that they descend from some kind of royal lineage/ kin.

15. Every Parsi has been called Crazy bawa or bawi at least once, if not more, by their buddies from other communities.

16. Every Parsi at least once must have got their cheeks pulled or called apple/ mango/ dudh pao in school , functions or among relatives.

17. Almost every Parsi can have ‘something per eeda’ (eggs) easily as a meal substitute.

18. Every Parsi Has woken up in the middle of the night in cold sweat thinking about the stains /spots on their cars, sofas, side boards, kitchen tops.

19. Every Parsi, must have skipped the fire temple, at least once in life on a Navroz or New year, only cause they were a tad lazy to.

20. Every Parsi has one friend at least, who makes friends with him only for a dhanshak invite at his place.

21. Every Parsi has at least one of these if not more …in their home : an antique car/ bike / watch/ furniture set / tea set/ book/ gramophone / radio / telephone / countless plastic bags.

22. Every Parsi has laughed uncontrollably and hysterically even if the joke is not funny or on themselves… !

Hope you enjoyed the above points … just written for Bawa entertainment !

The Dalai Lama has always been quoted in every aspect of life. I find his thoughts simple, heart -connecting and applicable. Here are eleven of them which would be amazing, if we could all apply them in our lives.

Be kind whenever possible, it is always possible.

If you can help, you should do so. If you can’t, at the very least don’t do any harm.

Remember the best relationship is one, in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

Arrogance can never be justified. It is the result of either low self-esteem or temporary and superficial achievements.

The true hero is one who conquers his own anger and hatred.

The ultimate source of happiness is not money or power but warm heartedness.

We have to maintain control over technology and never allow ourselves to become its slaves.

The more you are motivated by Love, the more fearless and free your action will be.

This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy . Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.

Judge your success on what you had to give up in order to get it.

Our enemies provide us with excellent opportunities to practice patience, perseverance and compassion.

The other day in Church at the seven pm Novena at St Micheal’s Mahim, the Priest heading the service made a very interesting speech.

Interesting, because it stayed with me for the next whole week, up until now obviously.

For I will be the first to admit that, there are times when I check out mentally, during the ten minute in between conversation, when he speaks to all the attendees before him.

Please note that I use the word conversation and not sermon, for it hardly lasts more than an easy listening ten minutes and is filled with knowledgeable tit bits from a biblical story or a hot current topic.

Anyways cut to the chase, the speech I am addressing is the one where the Holy Man expressed his concern over the angst situation in Chennai regarding the bull taming at Pudukottai district where two died and 83 were injured.

For those like me who have come in late- this Jallikattu sport involves young men latching on to the humps of bulls.

One who manages to stay there after the animal makes three jumps is declared a winner.

Considered not only dangerous but unfair to the animals as well by various rights activists, the Supreme court banned it in 2014, but it still continues in certain Tamil Nadu districts as a traditional sport.

The said Priest cleverly related it to how all humans also have five such wild bulls in their lives that need to be tamed and brought to order.

Stating Anger,Greed,Apathy, Abuse and Gossip as the main five.

He went on to validate his conclusions by making valuable points on these potential downfalls of the human race.

I always respect priests who spend time before their services to make a wholesome point.

Especially associating it with current affairs which catches the public interest.

They do their homework well.

And why not? Many of them are on social sites and have a wide network all over the world that connects them to other devotees and their brotherhood.

Personally, it’s always nice to take back a small message from the altar.

And strangely the message of the day seems to resonate with exactly what I need to hear. Uncanny but true.

I thought I was the chosen one, until many have confirmed the same.

So I conclude that it is all in the interpretation.

We take what we want to hear, place it in our lives or in a given situation and learn or grow from it the way we chose to.

This honest feature is supposedly written by the Indian celebrated author Chetan Bhagat; I say supposedly cause I got it in a text message forward.

And it was not directly from Chetan’s phone, so can never blog claim a hundred percent.

It is something I have been meaning to write but I don’t think I could have put it in a more impactful than this:

“Yesterday, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then, more things, Handy cam in last 2 years, Digital Camera in last 2 months, DVD player in last 1 month and many more.”

Now I can say that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, I have used it twice only in last 4 years.So, what’s wrong and where?

When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don’t have. You have a Santro, but you want City; You have a City, but you want Skoda. Just after buying a new phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money, and I mean, these examples are endless.

The point is.
Is it actually worth?

Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?

After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don’t. May be I didn’t need this Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player.

When I see my father back at home. He has a simple BPL colour TV, he doesn’t need 32″ Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 2,500. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says, “It’s a phone; I need this just for calls.”And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets.

The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn’t want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier.
It’s a very fine line between these two, but after looking at my father’s life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. He needs a TV but not the 32” plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one.

Initially I had lot of questions.I am earning good; still I am not happy…why? I have all luxuries; still I am stressed…. ……why? I had a great weekend, still I am feeling tired…… why?

I met lot of people, I thought over it again and again, I still don’t know if I got the answers, but certainly figured out few things. I realize that one thing which is keeping me stressed is the “stay connected” syndrome. I realized that, at home also I am logged in on messengers, checking mails, using social networks, and on the top of that, the windows mobile is not letting me disconnected. On the weekend itself, trying to avoid unwanted calls and that is keeping my mind always full of stress.

I realized that I am spending far lesser money than what I earn; even then I am always worried about money and more money.

I realized that I am saving enough money I would ever need, whenever needed. Still I am stressed about job and salary and spend.

May be, many people will call this approach “not progressive attitude”, but I want my life back.

Ultimately it’s a single life, a day gone is a day gone. I believe if I am not happy tonight, I’ll never be happy tomorrow morning.

I finally realized that meeting friends, spending quality time with your loved one’s; spending time with yourself is the most important thing.

If on Sunday you are alone and you don’t have anybody to talk with, then all that luxuries of life, all that money is wasted.

May be cutting down your requirements, re-calculating your future goal in the light of today’s happiness is a worthwhile thing to do.

May be selling off your Santro and buying Honda City on EMIs is not a good idea. I believe putting your happiness ahead of money is the choice we need to make.

I think, a lot can be said and done but what we need the most is re-evaluation of the value of happiness and time we are giving to our life and people associated with it”