F is for family – or so I’m told

It has been quiet around here for a while, and then suddenly all hell broke loose. It hasn’t been exactly sunshine and roses in this house, more like storms and thorns, but this weekend proved to be the cherry on the cake.

Thursday was not a good night. R and I ended up arguing again and I felt as though we were further apart than ever before. DM (Darling Mother) added to the stress by requiring more cash, because I just have to be drawn into her drama. Friday R’s DM had a few choice decisions which we feel she is being pressured into and by Friday evening I was ill.

I am well aware that you cannot choose your family. They are there and that is it. You deal with the hand you are dealt. Except my hand seems to be full of drama queens, princesses and those with their hands out. Most days all I am is an ATM / agony aunt here to serve everyone else.

Don’t be bitter … lol! I am not bitter as much as what I am disappointed that still people do not see me. I am still that daughter / sister who has to be there for everyone else and do for everyone else. I am expected to support and help all and sundry, but when I have a need / want, then it is no one else’s business.

I had to put my foot down with DM, and R’s DM (and extended family). Not the best feeling, but had to be done, as the extra strain it is placing on our relationship is not fair.

The upside is that R and I seem to be getting on better currently. We seem to have found a common place on which to operate. More simply though, we have taken some of the pressure off. We are not allowing ourselves to be drawn into other people’s drama.

This has been a tough 7 months. I have had hard years, and months, but so far 2019 has been non-stop. I can’t seem to find my feet and add moving in, marriage, a dog and living further away, keeps me very unsettled. It has gotten to the point where a planned trip is going to be postponed for another year at least, just so we can find some equilibrium.

So F is for family … and right now I am glad mine (extended) are half way around the world. They give me enough grief just being there, having them here would send me straight to the place that no one wishes to discuss.