Crest SpinBrush Boycotted By Dallas Women

by Elroy Willis -- May 5, 2005

DALLAS (EAP)
-- Several conservative Christian mothers in the Dallas area have joined forces
and set their sights on banning electric toothbrushes, claiming they can be used for
sexual purposes as well as for cleaning teeth.

The leader of the group of boycotters says that she was embarrassed and
shocked after entering her daughter's bedroom last month, and said she intends
to nip the problem in the bud before things get any worse.

"I caught her using the new toothbrush to pleasure herself down below in her
private parts," said 45-year-old Wanda Riftright, a Christian woman who
bought her 15-year-old daughter Tiffany a new Crest SpinBrush for her birthday.

"She's getting old enough to date, and I told her that most boys like girls
with nice clean white teeth, and she seemed more than eager to use the new
toothbrush. When she kept needing new batteries every two or three days, I
got suspicious and decided to investigate. I thought the product might be
defective and was eating up batteries faster than normal," she said.

Seen at right, the Crest SpinBrush is constructed in the general shape of a
rigid male penis, Riftright says, and when she entered her daughter's bedroom
one night, she caught her rubbing the SpinBrush against her private parts and
smiling really wide and seemed to be in a state of ecstasy.

"Her teeth look nice and white, but she's smiling wider now that she
found another use for the toothbrush," Riftright says.

"She was smiling just as wide as the woman on the Crest website and TV commercials
and I now know why, and it isn't because of her clean white teeth,"
she said.

Several other Dallas Christian women have also caught their daughters using the
new toothbrush in the same manner, and decided to take action by boycotting and
calling the spinning toothbrush a "Tool of Satan."

When asked for comments about his wife's reaction to catching their daughter
masturbating, Randy Riftright said that he thinks his wife is over-reacting,
and said that "girls will be girls, just like boys will be boys."

"We can't stop their sexual desires," he said.

"At least she's not gonna get pregnant or catch some sexually transmitted
disease from what she's doing."

"When I asked my daughter why she was taking the toothbrush into her bedroom,
her face turned red and she started stuttering, and I knew something was up," said
Louise Kraebel of Dallas, who bought the new toothbrush for her daughter after she
had her braces removed last month.

"When I heard moaning noises coming from her bedroom I thought she might have
sneaked a boy in there, but when I opened the door, she was all alone except for
her electric toothbrush which she tried to hide under the covers."

"I immediately went in and took it from her, and told her that from now on she's
going to have to go back to using an old-fashioned manual toothbrush like I grew up
with."

"I'll just go out and buy another SpinBrush with my own money," she told me.

"God didn't invent the electric toothbrush, it was man who did that, and it was a
big mistake," Kraebel says.