There’s no way around it: The Apple, Android and Windows fanboys are all going to hate my conclusions and barbeque my decisions.

Get over yourself, Mike. We don’t really care what you use. What we care about is your arguments being factual. If that bothers you, perhaps you should look into another line of work. Like Google+ evangelist.

Why? Because you’re expected to take sides, for some reason.

No! Not at all! All you have to do is make sense.

Look, the Macalope uses some Google services and there’s no denying that Android and Samsung are stunningly successful. Samsung makes pretty good phones. The Macalope would argue that Apple and HTC make better phones, but whatever. There is nothing wrong with choosing an Android phone if you think that works better for you. What’s wrong is when people argue that Apple is doomed because of their personal decision.

And, it should be noted that although Elgan has made the “APPLE DOOMED” argument in the past—in the highest laugh-per-word content allowable by law—he’s not doing that here. His arguments for making a mid-season trade for a MacBook Pro, a phablet, and a wearable device to be named later are all fine, given his preferences. The Macalope wishes him the best of luck with them.

It’s the “you louts never understand my beautiful mind” bow he puts around the whole thing that the Macalope takes exception to.

It’s easy to blame the negative reaction to your opinions on “fanboys.” It’s hard to look in the mirror.

Look, you like Google services, particularly Google+. Like, you really like Google+ a lot. We don’t understand that, but we’re not here to question your fringe fetishes. That’s between you and whatever gods you worship. Just don’t pretend to speak for everyone and don’t pretend you’re so aggrieved for no reason.