08-Sep-10

McNaughton’s Group

Special thanks to the eagle eyes at Wonkette, who’ve spotted a big one.

Extraordinarily cheezeball artist Jon McNaughton has brought forth a gathering of greats, as the ghosts of presidents past hover around sullen, stand-offish looking Barack Obama, variously annoyed or aghast at his literal TRAMPLING ON THE CONSTITUTION!

McNaughton is the kind of crank who rambles along in incoherent Founderspeak for numbered paragraphs, passive aggressively concluding:

Cramming all these figures into the frame seems to have skewed McNaughton’s perspective. Small but perfectly formed James Madison is so upset at Obama’s boot-heel to our liberties that he’s bent over pleading, but appears to be almost Obama’s height. The Forgotten Man is a giant seated on a toy town bench. Such is the occasion that Franklin Roosevelt walks.

04-Mar-10

Small but perfectly formed North Carolina Representative Patrick McHenry has introduced legislation to banish Grant from his perch on the $50 bill, replacing him with a fellow all the kids love, Ronald Reagan.

The circle jerk of history is proven in McHenry’s press release. Why must Grant go? He’s much less popular than Reagan, Historians Say.

Plausible, but which historians? Here we fall down an especially twisted conservative rat hole.

McHenry cites a 2005 survey of historians done for the honest brokers of the Wall Street Journal opinion operation, performed by the law prof author of “Wills, Trusts, and Estates, 7th edition” on behalf of the focus of evil in the modern judiciary, the Federalist Society. The Journal guy involved devotes much of his accompanying article to reassuring the faithful that while George W. Bush rated only average, his big bets might still pay off!

Given the sponsors you won’t be surprised to learn that the undisclosed historians panel was corrected for the “far left tilt” of the academy, stacking equal numbers of liberal and conservative historians.

Who knows. We don’t get to see the list, but the stage dressing screams that the fix is in.

21-Feb-10

Grant Me This

It was a gathering of the conservative faithful at CPAC this past weekend, and the search for novel political analogies reached strange new heights.

Among the oddities was Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, whose doomed Presidential campaign took its first tentative steps off the cliff by reminding the assembled Neo-Confederates of a past glorius Republican office holder, U.S. Grant.

Somehow today’s conservative struggle resembles Grant’s grinding Civil War victories over the South, his scandel infested administration, or his occasional lunges towards protecting blacks and Republicans from the Klan in the South. Which is unclear, but Pawlenty has his own upbeat, crackpot version:

Pence also entertained the crowd with a musty Ronald Reagan yarn, one where Reagan encountered a magic pipe-fitter. This proto Joe The Plumber begged Reagan to save tax cuts for the rich, so guys like him could be hired by them. Pence has trotted out the tale of this wondrous encounter at least twice going back to 2005.

CPAC turned to Glen Beck for insane historical tales with a grain of truth.

Peeing all over John McCain’s myth of a muscular progressive Republican past, Beck rightly called Teddy Roosevelt an interventionist.

25-Dec-09

“This year, I was lucky enough to get an invitation to the White House media holiday party, which would have been called a Christmas party if U.S. Grant were still president.” – Bill O’Reilly

Strenuous efforts to uphold the banner of Christ in the White House continue, although they appear increasingly strained. Careful observers have discovered a Mao ornament on a White House tree, from which all manner of fevered speculation has spawned.

As the observers themselves note, “edgy “window dresser Simon Doonan was engaged for the White House decorating effort, delivering his patented mixture of familiar faces mobilized to dubious ends. The troubling ornament appears to reference Andy Warhol’s Mao series for whatever reason.

Warhol was a fine Republican artist who painted Ronald Reagan as well, and even attended Reagan’s inaugural.

Now Sleeveless To Serve You Better

Also on the prowl for atheists in office is former he-man Chuck Norris, who entertains the readers of World Net Daily with fanciful readings of past presidents’ Jesus-relating.

Norris complains that Barack Obama let down Team Jesus by not refuting eccentric Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad claims the US is busy trying to hold back the return of the Mahdi, Islam’s ass-kickiest Imam, who is expected to pair up with Jesus at some point and redeem mankind.

How the cause of Christ or America would be served by getting down into the weeds of Islamic theology is unclear.