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Escaping from myself!

I am tired, truly tired. Of myself. Today all I want do is to escape from myself. The way I am, the way I behave, my thoughts, emotions, ambitions my needs, memories, my fantasies… every bloody thing about being ME is eating me up today. I can come out of myself and can actually see a different person inside. Its sickens me to see how I have changed in last few years. There was a time I was so comfortable n happy with myself and my decisions. Now, I don’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy and comfortable with myself. I walk on a path for a while, it gives me happiness and then I am amazed to see that its just the fucking upper layer. Deep within its still empty n unsatisfied. Then its a vicious cycle. I am so tired of this routine.

I am so bloody choked n speechless right now that I cant even write a proper line anymore. I actually googled some quotes about ‘Escaping from myself’, So lame… May be this is just to re-iterate how i am feeling!

“Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin, Incest: From a Journal of Love

“Besides the alternate universe offered by a book, the quiet space of a museum was my favorite place to go. My mom said I was an escapist at heart . . . that I preferred imaginary worlds to the real one. It’s true that I’ve always been able to yank myself out of this world and plunge myself into another.”
― Amy Plum, Die for Me

“Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape. ”
― William S. Burroughs

“Her body was a prison, her mind was a prison. Her memories were a prison. The people she loved. She couldn’t get away from the hurt of them. She could leave Eric, walk out of her apartment, walk forever if she liked, but she couldn’t escape what really hurt. Tonight even the sky felt like a prison.”
― Ann Brashares, Sisterhood Everlasting

“A smiling lie is a whirlwind, easy to enter, but hard to escape.”
― Dejan Stojanovic, The Sun Watches the Sun

“But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in.”
― Junot Díaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao