Saturday, November 14, 2009

It's been six months since they killed Mike, but it still feels like yesterday. I don't feel like I'm making much progress resolving my internal conflicts about this. The rapid pace in which problems appear and need to be resolved has been constant. The resentment I feel from the people taking advantage of the situation is intense and not helping. It is what it is Nora, what did you expect. Some asshole called yesterday to bitch about the price of the building and try to low ball me with the cosmetic problems at the property. I told him he was wasting his time,and I wouldn't even take the time to show him the inside if his bid wasn't much higher. He kept trying to convince me and I told him I would keep it or list it with a Realtor before we accepted 750,000. Today I'm showing the last apartment for rent, and meeting the electrician to rewire the safety lights the gang members riped out. Later we play a game of get the tenants in line so they pay their rent one time. Meeting with them all individually on a surprise visit sounds so sneaky but necessary. They avoid us as much as they can to not pay rent. I'm fairly ready to hand in all my paperwork at this point to get my life back. Part of me knows Marge needs my help and it's too much work for one person. The other part of me is not a quitter and will see this through until it's all sold. Got to get busy with my appointments.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

what a hell week.the guy thats supposed to buy the store is balking.I don't know what to do.i'm so upset,I feel like crying.too angry to call,so i'll let Marge handle it.Will have to wait a week to see if John buys the building until next week.I feel so sick and tired.I have a cold and want this to come to a conclusion.My stress level is so high I just want to crawl in a hole and never come out.also feeling the stress of not being an adequate for what i'm being asked to do.which in all truth i'm not ,i'm just trying to help save the most money for Brittany.my intentions are good, but m short falls are all too real.Making the pain of failure add to the pain of loss.How do I get myself into these things.It started as a helper to collect the rents.I was the only volunteer.Then it spread to move all mikes and Brittany's stuff into the garage.Then to, clear out the store and finally to sell the store and building. Meanwhile I'm filling out victim of violent crime act forms and lottery resolution forms with a helping of SSI forms.Between paying bills ,contracting helpers,and writing leases,and finding renters I don't believe I've had a moments rest.I wish this would all work out and come to a close.It's been almost 6 months since they killed Mike and the work never seems to end.GOD help me.I want to finish,but don't know if I can.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

As I make my first expense sheet for the property I`m trying to sell for my niece ,I take time to reflect on my progress.I am pleased. Even though this has been one of the most painful and emotional years of my life ,I see the person I`ve become ,and I like her.I went to a dangerous area in Chicago,collected rents,solved problems,rented apartments and commercial spaces,made leases,held an auction,sold my brothers store,and co-ordinated all the help we needed to fix what I could not.I found a psychic and developed my own abilities to solve the problems of this complex estate.My ability to sense evidence to turn into the police and find needed information with my senses instead of my eyes even freaked me out.I always knew I could read people and their behaviors more easily than others,but I never believed I had psychic abilities to the extent I have experienced.Mike was in my dream as I went to his store that first day to start to resolve these issues.The customers and neighbors that loved him came to us with their stories and turmoil.No one understood how this could happen on such a busy corner with so many friends around.No one understood how it could take the police 18 minutes to get there after the first 911 call.Some people came in the store and said Mike was not talking to them which was strange.All I could tell them that He wasn`t going to get anyone hurt.He probably thought he could hanle it like the other times.If the cops would have shown up sooner there would have been a hostage situation and not a murder.But they had 18 minutes and something went wrong.Now we can never go back,only forward.I`m a softer more sensitive person today because of my brother Mike and Brittany.Seems I cannot change back even if I wanted too.I will continue to challenge my gifts and senses to see were they take me.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Lets not forget the crazies I`ve met along the way.Jackie who claimed to be a paralegal and a friend of my brothers was so insane she would lie from sentence to sentence.Biggest bullshitter you ever met but she sure did get those slacking porch contractors to finish. She was so convincing the she could have their contractors licence pulled that they finished the job.We actually subpoenaed them to a court date for a building violation they caused.So they finished before the court date because they didn`t know what would happen.After that she was useless though,got nothing done that she said she was doing.When I asked for the files she had to check her work she lost it.Talk about multiple personality disorder,she was a prime example.A learning experience I won`t soon forget.Very painful were her personal attacks to try and cover her tracks,and then she was trying to extort money from the estate of a minor after she embezzled 50 dollars from a tenant she was supposed to be evicting.We were not giving another dime.I can`t tell you how many people came to see the store to buy it.All wanted it for a liquor store but 1. He got it.Now If I could just sell that building so I could get the hell out of there before I lose it.

I took my son with me to the building today to collect rents.The bar guy who burned my brother for 10,000 was not in ,home with a headache.And so it goes 1/2 pay,1/2 hide until I find them. the last restaurant owner tried to blow the place up by leaving the gas on. They even changed residences so it would be harder to track them down for their past debt.Never paying rent on time,getting behind,and never even trying to catch up was the game.No wonder Mike couldn`t get out of there.I can`t get out of there.5 hours later only 1/2 the rents are collected on Nov. 1st.I`ll try again next week with some phone calls to try and get their bullshit explanations.Brittany was really in a bad spot today. Nothing anyone could do to help,you could see the pain she was in. It made it real all over again,like day 1.The confusion,helplessness,hopelessness and the internal battle that there are no answers for.The chaos of estate matters is never ending.It really doesn`t matter,no matter what we do,we can`t make it better or bring him back.I now dread the holidays because he won`t be there.My brother was a big part of my life.I had a vision yesterday.This life insurance company said Mike didn`t make his last payment, but I think he did. We looked for cancelled checks but none were found for the payment.I saw myself as Mike calling on the phone and paying with a credit card.It seemed so real i`ll have to have Marge check all his accounts during that time period.