Thursday, January 29, 2015

It's been awhile actually, since I felt matters to the humanity. Probably, I sound a little to dramatic than I supposed to. But, right now, I am sitting in my computer, writing again the blog that has never been maintain for a single bit. I knew from the very first beginning that I will not pay much attention on this blog. But, it is still not the point, the point is I re-visit this blog because I am once again inspired to write. I am kind of glad for giving a proper title to this blog; yes, I just besuk(visited) this blog since I am aware that asa (hope) still glaringly exist in my very being.

I woke up this morning that I have to wake earlier than I usually do, for an assignment that gives me that feeling of being needed for something. In other word, I yet again have the chance to add value to my surrounding; my school, in this case. Since I was being told that I was gonna be a Teaching Assistant in one of the class, I honestly could not contain the excitement resulted from the sense of being able to add value. I am aware, that one of my core value in life is to be useful. This I believe is one of the essential need of a human being, Abraham Maslow has discovered. I like to tell people what they don't know. But it gives me the chill, when people actually excited with what I have to say or even better for thanking me afterwards. Well, because many times, I am losing my ability to keep what I know to myself - which irritates people sometimes and that sensation returns to me in such a negativity.

But today, I conducted the class with a controlled-exuberant in me, thus allowed me to deliver what I need to deliver to the class in appropriate proportion, which I tend to fail. Afterwards, students -most who I already hung out with as a friend rather than as a student- did not keep their gratitude to themselves. Kind of proud of them for generously thanking me and complementing for doing "a good job." This attitude is something I lacked in the past, that I have recently realized and regret. I hardly complementing my competitions; quoting what are actually my insecurities, to be something that they failed to have or do. Projection, exactly. But since I consciously aware of that and use every chance I have to redeem myself, I start feel that it returns to me in a pleasant way. Well, people complementing me, this morning. Nobody can deny that as a human being, we all need a complement that confirms our very existence.

From then on, everything today has just fallen into place without me trying. I have energy to add more value to my teachers and fellow student, which produce more complements. I felt complemented in every corner today. It feels good, definitely. I want this to happen everyday. Naive? Tell me about it - yet we all have that child-like wishes we need to let it live in our inside.