‘LGBT’ Discriminates; It’s ‘LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM’ Now

Today, America’s tolerance mob woke up to the nightmarish reality that they are, in fact, bigots.

The highly-evolved humanoids who have been recrafting culture, marriage, and the justice system in their own image have made “LGBT” a specially protected class. But while they were busy suing those evil Christian grandmothers out of house and home, their own beloved tolerance has evolved without them–and they’ve been discriminating all along.

The acronym “LGBT,” brand and butter of the new tolerance, isn’t nearly inclusive enough. It actually discriminates against the 31 flavors and 56 genders of humans (as defined by our sexual desires). But the wisest among us, our elite intellectuals have risen to combat this gross injustice.

Wesleyan University, the private institution in control of the public conscience, has established a new acronym: LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM.

Wesleyan University’s residential life division’s “Open House” at 154 Church Street boasts, according to the university’s website: “a safe space for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Transsexual, Queer, Questioning, Flexual, Asexual, Genderf*ck, Polyamourous, Bondage/Disciple, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism (LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM) communities and for people of sexually or gender dissident communities. The goals of Open House include generating interest in a celebration of queer life from the social to the political to the academic. Open House works to create a Wesleyan community that appreciates the variety and vivacity of gender, sex and sexuality.

Here’s a pic of the post itself:

The Christian Post also had a few words to say about it, noting “LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM? Housing for 15 Alternative Sexualities Is OK, but Men-Only Fraternities Are Not”? (The Post is referring to the fact that a fraternity at Wesleyan recently sued the school over its coed mandate.)

I know that many of our readers are shocked at this university’s actions. I share your shock and horror. How dare this collection of liberal and elite thinkers be so bigoted? They’ve excluded zoophiles like our friend, Mr. Brenner. They’re excluding the friendly campus pedophiles (who can’t help their innate sexual desire for five year olds). They’re discriminating against those young women who just want to marry their dads and tie their family tree in a beautiful bedroom knot. What about objectophiles, huh? Why are those who want to marry their pet rocks excluded from your acronym?

So this new acronym just isn’t tolerant or inclusive enough either – certain people with certain desires, fetishes, perversions, and preferences, are left out. Whatever animal, vegetable, or microorganism turns you on, there should be an acroynym for that.

Facebook has tried to remedy this oversight by providing a fill-in-the-blank gender option for users who need to create their own labels for their own identities, because we all know 56 gender options just isn’t enough.

Nice try, FB folks. But that too limits our new humanity’s potential to letters on a keyboard. That’s discriminatory.

What if my identity can’t be contained by the alphabet? What if my sexuality is so highly-evolved that it can only be expressed through a meta-linguistic symbols or a series of guttural chants? Why should my love be limited by your alphanumeric prejudice?

Remember the naive simplicity of ancient times, when we thought “male and female He created them” was enough? Aren’t you glad we’ve evolved beyond such foolishness? Now we have more identities than words to contain them…but who says you have to know your basic identity anyway? We feel wonderful about ourselves…whoever/whatever we are.

Rebekah Maxwell, producer of the Steve Deace Show, began reporting and producing at WHO Radio in 2007, with on-air work recognized by the official alphabet soup: the AP, IBNA, NBNA, RTDNA, NAB (all the while staying far from the TSA and UFOs). She delights in debating religion, politics, and all other subjects impolite at the dinner table. Her favorite time of year is Caucus season, and she’s an accomplished slam poet, ready to spit the truth…in mad rhymes, if necessary.

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