Celebrities

March 14, 2008

By Melanie S., Carlsbad, CA

America’s melting pot is a cesspool filled with a multitude of intellectual beings. Our population devotes a substantial amount of brainpower to concerning themselves with the extremely relevant personal lives of others. The media embodies a perfect example of this by dedicating hours of television every day to the affairs of our nation’s most modern prolific role models: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris; who have greatly assisted in establishing an institution filled with flawless principles and values.

It only seems logical to assume that a positive correlation exists between the numerous hours spent watching meaningful television, and the aptitude of great intelligence possessed by Americans. Not only is it necessary, but also extremely beneficial to be informed every fifteen minutes about the lives of these inspiring role models. Clearly, these idolized celebrities provide such a great example of impeccable ethics by which we all should live; it only seems reasonable for their sensible actions to be reported to the nation through programs like TMZ. Fortunately for Americans, television networks will interrupt their favorites shows to report the latest breaking news on the mental stability of Britney or Paris. Without these interruptions, Americans would lack a true sense of fulfillment and happiness. Utopia is only a newsflash away.

Thankfully, even the national news demonstrates sheer will and devotion to integrate the morals of these celebrities into daily life. Americans are extremely fortunate to have this critical information forced upon them twenty-four hours a day. They have become rabidly occupied with educating themselves on these vital subjects. Worldly events and trivial matters such as, starvation, poverty, and destruction on our earth are extremely minor, and deserve no place in our news. True breaking news is celebrity gossip. In fact, while millions of people around the world unknowingly starve to death, celebrities and their loyal patrons simply choose the path of starvation to become skinnier. Instead of learning how to better the lives of people around the world, we possess the much more valuable knowledge of how to destroy our own bodies. It is uncertain how Americans would survive without this invaluable information. Thankfully, we have celebrities and the media to teach us, for which we are in infinite debt.

It seems that while our country’s massive population heeds the lives of these celebrities, it is no wonder that Americans are among the healthiest in the world. The time we sit at home watching hours of intriguing, informative television regarding the nations most ingenious dignitaries must be the reason. We cannot only relate to Britney, we want to be like her. There is no need to spend time living our own lives when we can simply live through Britney’s from the couch at home. All the hours spent sitting must be the reason for our country’s healthy tendencies. It appears that we also have celebrities and the media to thank for supporting our extremely healthy habits.

As the media succeeds in continuing to deliver such crucial information, it is no marvel that Americans are ascending to a peak of all time great intelligence, habits, and health. Being immersed in celebrities and their lifestyles has become an ethical obligation to our society, and has proven to be extremely beneficial. It is impossible to imagine how Americans would survive without the knowing of every occurrence of our nations most modern role models. Fortunately at this rate, every generation of Americans has the ability to produce compounding quantities of brilliant new Britney, Lindsay, and Paris enthusiasts. America’s melting pot is a cesspool filled with a multitude of intellectual beings. Our population devotes a substantial amount of brainpower to concerning themselves with the extremely relevant personal lives of others. The media embodies a perfect example of this by dedicating hours of television every day to the affairs of our nation’s most modern prolific role models: Britney, Lindsay, and Paris; who have greatly assisted in establishing an institution filled with flawless principles and values.

It only seems logical to assume that a positive correlation exists between the numerous hours spent watching meaningful television, and the aptitude of great intelligence possessed by Americans. Not only is it necessary, but also extremely beneficial to be informed every fifteen minutes about the lives of these inspiring role models. Clearly, these idolized celebrities provide such a great example of impeccable ethics by which we all should live; it only seems reasonable for their sensible actions to be reported to the nation through programs like TMZ. Fortunately for Americans, television networks will interrupt their favorites shows to report the latest breaking news on the mental stability of Britney or Paris. Without these interruptions, Americans would lack a true sense of fulfillment and happiness. Utopia is only a newsflash away.

Thankfully, even the national news demonstrates sheer will and devotion to integrate the morals of these celebrities into daily life. Americans are extremely fortunate to have this critical information forced upon them twenty-four hours a day. They have become rabidly occupied with educating themselves on these vital subjects. Worldly events and trivial matters such as, starvation, poverty, and destruction on our earth are extremely minor, and deserve no place in our news. True breaking news is celebrity gossip. In fact, while millions of people around the world unknowingly starve to death, celebrities and their loyal patrons simply choose the path of starvation to become skinnier. Instead of learning how to better the lives of people around the world, we possess the much more valuable knowledge of how to destroy our own bodies. It is uncertain how Americans would survive without this invaluable information. Thankfully, we have celebrities and the media to teach us, for which we are in infinite debt.

It seems that while our country’s massive population heeds the lives of these celebrities, it is no wonder that Americans are among the healthiest in the world. The time we sit at home watching hours of intriguing, informative television regarding the nations most ingenious dignitaries must be the reason. We cannot only relate to Britney, we want to be like her. There is no need to spend time living our own lives when we can simply live through Britney’s from the couch at home. All the hours spent sitting must be the reason for our country’s healthy tendencies. It appears that we also have celebrities and the media to thank for supporting our extremely healthy habits.

As the media succeeds in continuing to deliver such crucial information, it is no marvel that Americans are ascending to a peak of all time great intelligence, habits, and health. Being immersed in celebrities and their lifestyles has become an ethical obligation to our society, and has proven to be extremely beneficial. It is impossible to imagine how Americans would survive without the knowing of every occurrence of our nations most modern role models. Fortunately at this rate, every generation of Americans has the ability to produce compounding quantities of brilliant new Britney, Lindsay, and Paris enthusiasts. This will certify that the above work is completely original.

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