If you’re already bored with this Rob Kartrashian and Blac Chyna melodrama and that headline has made you sleepier than Kourtney Kartrashian’s thought process, then let me just say that it was either post about this or that goddamn vegan baby butthole story that people won’t stop sending me. Although, writing about that vegan baby butthole story may be better than writing about these buttholes…

As Blac Chyna gets press conference ready, Lisa Bloom, who recently represented Mischa Barton and Kathy Griffin, announced on Twitter that she’s representing Chyna and will stomp into a court room on Monday to get a restraining order against Rob.

I represent Blac Chyna. I just gave Rob Kardashian notice that we'll be in court Monday seeking restraining orders against him. More to come

Chyna claimed on Snapchat that Rob beat her, and TMZ says she also states in court documents that he repeatedly got violent with her. Chyna brings up one time when she got mad at him for talking shit about her to her son, King, and he responded by shoving her to the ground and hitting her thigh. She says she was bruised and could barely walk after that. She says she’s afraid to be around him and wants the court to order him to stay at least 100 yards from her.

The documents also say that Rob cyberbullied and slut-shamed her by telling his millions of social media followers the details of her plastic surgeries and who she’s boned.

I’m surprised Rob hasn’t been dragged into a court for this kind of thing before. It seems like every time things end with a girlfriend, he drags her across social media and calls her a cum dumpster slut tramp whore skank skeezer trollop ho. (Side note: I should really change my legal name to Cum Dumpster Slut Tramp Whore Skank Skeezer Trollop Ho, because it fits better and also because I can trademark it and sue Rob every time he calls one of his exes that.) But we all should’ve known this saga going to turn into a court room drama and I’m sure ever Kartrashian is already working with her styling team to pick out the perfect courthouse ensembles. Not since Lindsay Lohan…

And if charges are filed and/or Chyna sues and it goes to court, someone should call Phoebe Price to the stand because she’s got the BOMBSHELL info. Who needs TMZ when you’ve got PPZ?

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