My Life. My Views

Humans relationships and the dynamics always amaze me… Once I heard of this elderly and wise lady comment to another, fondly describing her son’s wife, “Yeh to meri beti hai, bahu nahi” (Roughly Translated: She is my daughter, not a daughter-in-law)… It really amazed me and made me wonder “Is it a crime to be referred to as a bahu? Isnt every relationship unique and should be respected for what it is?” And hence popped the question:

Why is the beautiful “Saas-Bahu” relationship so frowned upon? What is the need to give it the name of another relationship – that of a daughter and a mother?

Good question. I am a mother in law, and I love my daughter in law dearly. But I would never confuse her with a daughter or wish that she is one. She comes from another family, has a mother, and its pointless to negate those allegiances. She is and will always be a daughter in law. BTW she is the most pampered member of my family

Hey Uma, yes I have been MIA for a long time as other things took precedence and I was left with virtually no time to blog! But, I cant be away for too long… and so keep dropping in every now and then 🙂

Hmmm… an interesting observation! I ask: What is the need to even try and equal her as your own mother? Isnt it being unfair to her?

Exactly my point. Value relationships for what they are… Why burden them with unnecessary expectations built out of our own fragile minds!! It quite often pains me to see “Saas-Bahu” being the most maligned relationships of all, specially since I know many such Saas-Bahu pairs get along famously well!!

I have to agree with you. In many ways, I was a lot closer to my mother in law than either of her sons were to her, and she knew she could count on me more than she could on her sons. BUT, what kept our relationship going was the fact that we respected and understood each other as people, and not the spurious fact of me being the daughter she always wanted.
The saas-bahu relationship can be a great one, because both parties love the same man. But it cannot, and should not become a maa-beti one.

when you call ur sister (or ur hubby sometimes ;-)) as “ye to mera bachha hai”… only thing you mean is that you have so much love for her as if you only gave her birth..

u will remain Bahu only.. u will remain daughter as per the law only… lekin by saying that statement.. the ‘saas’ tries to express that “my bahu is soooo dear to as if I only gave her birth.. as if she was with me all along since her birth”… It is only an expression.

Before I got married, most of my aunties told me “You’re getting a new mother and father. Be a daughter to them.” to which i could only reply (most honestly) “I already have a mother and a father…and NOTHING in this world will be equal to them. I’m getting a husband, and his family along with that. I’ll be a good wife. Further, i can only be a good daughter in law…because I am already a good daughter: to my parents.”

Even today, though i have a good relationship with the husband’s family, it’s always a different family, always a formality. And it’s accepted that way by all of us. 🙂

Aha… I am visiting your blog after a long time… I thought you had disappeared from the blogging world. So, first of all welcome back… Liked the new look of your blog too 🙂
And coming to his post, I completely agree with you… There is absolutely no need to equal a mother-daughter relationship to a MIL-DIL relationship… there is just no need to do so… It can be great that way too…as simple as that…