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Stool Pigeon

Well, it was that time of year again when I needed to make an appointment for our pet dog Buddy to get his annual checkup with his veterinarian. Since we count him as a member of our family, I take doing this quite seriously, as I want to make sure he is in the best of health. I’m positive Buddy would do the same for me.

I set the appointment on a day when I could bring him in myself. The only thing I needed to do in preparation for his visit was to make sure that I brought in a fresh stool sample from Buddy. Now, with animals, especially dogs, you’d think that this would be relatively simple. But I think he sensed I needed to do this, therefore, he was not going to make it easy, no pun intended.

I figured the morning of his appointment I would take him for his walk and collect a sample, which occurs like clockwork whenever we hit the road. But, for whatever reason that particular morning, Buddy did not have to “go.” I tried coaxing him and took him to all his favorite spots, but he simply would not make a deposit.

We came close a few times, where he would assume the position and I would wait with plastic bag in hand to scoop up the needed sample. I felt like I was sitting in front of a Vegas slot machine waiting for the big payout. But, as in Vegas, I went home a loser. With time running out, I set out one of those doggie pads on our lanai in the hope he would comply.

I figured maybe he couldn’t do anything if I was watching, so I left the area and let him go about his business. I temporarily forgot about it until I heard my mom cry out, “Buddy, what are you doing?” She already had picked up his little “package” and was going to dispose of it.

I yelled out, “Ma! I need that, don’t throw it away!” I ended up having to fish it out of the garbage.

When we arrived at the vet’s office, I was checking in Buddy. The receptionist recognized me from MidWeek and asked what I did there besides write my column. When I told her I was the publisher, she commented, “Wow, you must have a lot of important responsibilities!”