Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Another Sensational review!

Now we start getting fancy and mixing up these stories
between print and digital versions. I see online reviews of the printed issue mentioning a Catwoman
story. Turns out that that story (which is a really cute one!) appeared in digital issue #9. I'll get to it next time. Why are they doing this?

After last issue—after ANY issue—this is a real let-down.

“Bullets and Bracelets”

Writer: Sean E. Williams, Artist: Marguerite Sauvage

A hodgepodge of ideas (most of them preachy) thrown together with no cohesion. Here Diana is the leader of a rock band, “Bullets and
Bracelets.” She has a rabid following and is playing in Athens while wearing an
uber-short skirt that sometimes thinks it’s shorts. (No, it’s not a culotte or
skort.)

Diana is worried and moping about “Steve,” though there’s no followup
to this. As she exits the stadium, one pimply-faced fan shouts, “Slut! You’re
corrupting our children!” Since when do kids of that age think about corruption
of kids? A guy answers that “Some of us LIKE the way she dresses! She’s hot!”

Diana assures both that she dresses the way she wants to and
“not to provoke or impress you.”

Diana ditches the rest of the band and discovers two young
girl fans, whom she takes out to lunch. The one is too poor to order, so Diana
orders for them, calling them “friends,” which makes them squee. (Why wouldn't a rich rocker automatically pay the tab for two young fans whom they've invited to lunch?)

The “she’s hot” guy from the concert steps out and reassures
Diana that she’s really hot, then grabs her arm. Upset at her rebuff, he whips out a shotgun,
which Diana then bends in half.

That’s it. Zzz.

The art is fabulous!!!! I'd love to see the artist handed a good Wondie story to work with. This one sounds like
something later-era Kanigher would churn out on one of his worse days. Nothing
like hitting the reader with a baseball bat "message," especially when NOTHING in the
story requires the main character to be Wonder Woman. Zero. It could have
been Jane Schmo or even Black Canary as the lead. Bleah.

So sorry for Ms. Sauvage that she had to draw this claptrap script.

Speaking of claptrap and Kanigher:

“No Chains Can Hold Her!”

Art & story: Gilbert Hernandez

Just let me puke a moment. Okay, I’m back. I don’t know what
Hernandez is on for this, but he’s tripping through the very worst of Kanigher’s
Silver Age. His he-man Wonder Woman is brainwashed and kidnapped by the alien
Sayyar, who is in cahoots with Kanjar Ro. Ro needs an invincible warrior to
help him conquer planets, and his brainwashing scheme will only work on the
Earth-born.

A very young Supergirl whose presence has not yet been
revealed to the public (or to WW) follows the space ship, which results in a fight
between her and the hypnotized WW. Though Supergirl is the stronger, she says
that WW’s magic weakens her so they are evenly matched. The two villains
lustfully watch the fight.

The force of one collision breaks dimensional barriers,
resulting in the arrival of Mary Marvel. She thinks the two heroines are Sivana’s
robots, and battles them. At this point it seems that Wondie is no longer
brainwashed. (“Supergirl’s extra-power heat vision blasted the hypno-poison out
of me!” we learn later.) She is amused to be involved in page-wasting fist fighting.

Mary flies Supergirl to the local sun to cure her of
kryptonite poisoning, while WW dispatches the villains, thinking that the girls
are now dead. Everyone returns to the ship, hale and hearty, and the three
capes pull off another shockwave to send Mary back home. Wondie and Sgirl part
on good terms while Wonder Woman uses up a few more pages battling a
goo-monster, hurting her shoulder, and then lustfully thinking about getting
Superman to give her a shoulder super-massage.

Bleah. Bleah. Ptui! Spit! Ghastly!

Crap art. Crap story. Hey, why can’t you talk down even
further to us, hm? Even colorist John Rauch seems to have been asleep at the
wheel for this. Bleah!

So… What did you think of this issue?

PS: Congrats to Ceci C, who won the WW decals from last week! Stay tuned for more contests...