Musings,Reflections,Introspection - written through the Heart in hopes of touching Hearts.
Purpose - though perhaps a necessary intervention physiologically the "Heart Bypass" I'm suggesting is no way to "live" - perhaps the "heart attack" begins when each turns the opposite way and begins living for and from something other than their heart

Thursday, 12 October 2017

Spinning Wheels... Got to Go Round..

It has been quite some considerable time, since I have written a narrative-style piece. I believe (without looking) it might have been sometime near when I commenced my most recent trip to Ireland. For some reason I shifted to prose/poems. There was no conscious intention to do so, or to discontinue this style. Nor is there now, any intention to discontinue poetry.

I was in Ireland just a couple days short of six months. Now back in Victoria 48 hrs. Marvelling at and befuddled by the experience. For one thing I've never been "away" anywhere for six months. Ireland was the draw for me therefore the 6 month visitation restriction came into play. I purposefully came in through Belfast (Northern Ireland) so that the 6 month Canadian passport in the U.K. ruling applied. Had I come though Dublin (E.U.) only 3 months. I went over knowing the possibility of that length of stay; there again, I didn't really set things up in Victoria, for a long term absence. I wasn't feeling any distress at being in Ireland that length of time. I was completely content there.
Anecdotally I was told I could just leave Ireland and then after a short absence, reenter the country, and my visitation period would reset. I couldn't get that verified from any "official" agency, so I didn't want any problems with immigration (I want to be able to return) - there was nowhere I really felt compelled to go (and incur the associated expenses) just for the purpose of the "reentry strategy" - so I opted to come back to Victoria. I can take care of things at this end for a while and the money I would have spent elsewhere, can serve me once again back in Ireland.

I had made an arrangement for someone to stay in my apartment in Victoria for what turned out to be the last month and a half of my stay. As I was coming back before the end of October which we had agreed on; I have taken a hotel, so that she could still be in my place. As such, I'm still "living out of a suitcase" and have the sense of "being on the road."

I arranged to "visit" my apartment yesterday to get at my back-log of mail and get some additional clothing options and pick up a guitar. I got to the building only to discover my key to the front door no longer worked. It went through my mind: "surely they haven't changed the locks.." - but I was to find out eventually ... indeed yes "they" did. Fine how-do-you-do? that was (or was it a sign?)

I got in via one of the other residents and thankfully, the key to my own unit still worked. A representative of the property management company informed me that I had been informed of the locks being changed and had authorized the picking up of the new keys issued. I had no recollection of said knowledge. I contacted the person staying at my place (she was out of town on business) she informed me she only had one key. I left a message for another friend, that had been checking on my place when I first went away. It wasn't until later in the day that she got back to me and told me the key was left on my dresser in a small wooden "jewelry type box." I have such a box.. I had actually gone briefly through it and had seen no key. Of course this was going to mean another trip to my apartment.

Nothing has been straight forward since I've been back. Albeit, I'm probably only firing on a couple cylinders due to the fatigue of jet-lag. When I left the apartment I now had the day pack I came with another small bag with some additional clothes jammed in it and one of my guitars. I didn't want to come all the way back to the hotel before going into town .. so I went with the lot of it. Between residing at the hotel ... and now being loaded down with bags, it really felt like traveling again. Even though I was in my "familiar" city; my location meant logistically everything was different. From my apartment ... I have a big grocery store, not even five minutes away. Now I would need to pick up stuff when I'm out and about. So far when I've been out, there would be no room in my pack for any food items. I suppose I will get some sort of routine going eventually. As it is I only have a small refrigerator and a microwave. Therefore, there won't be much meal prep going on here. One of these times out and about and I'll be less encumbered and have some space to get some food supplies in the premises.

I suppose I'm writing in this particular format to sort myself through some writing. It doesn't mean anything that is produced here will be revelatory. Quite to the contrary, it might be that I need to get this shite off my chest and clear the way again. Apparently I do so without reservation of taking followers of this blog along... Maybe I should have preemptively mentioned that nearer to the beginning. Better late than never.... this might be the place to get off the ride. There you've been "warned.." if you choose to leave, I hope you'll come back. If you stay through this particular offering I don't promise there will be anything in the way of "value."

Still I might stumble inadvertently upon something without knowingly or with intention do so.. I suppose plenty of people travel for longer intervals; 6 months (to me) is a significant amount of time to be both away from somewhere and to be, somewhere else. It was plenty of time to really immerse myself with being in Ireland. I purposefully stayed on in some places (making them a base of sorts) so that I could more connect with the community. Of course I love to see the beautiful landscapes, sacred sites and historic attractions in an area; but I didn't want to be on the go all the time and not experiencing the people. Not "the way" to travel - my way (or the way I felt drawn to experience and be while abroad) It was a multi-faceted journey. I don't deny my being beguiled by the sights, the sounds etc. The landscapes are stunning, the sky all day everyday is epic - should one care to pay attention. I looked to connect further with my ancestors. In Derry (Northern Ireland) there is a significant presence of both sides of my ancestral lineages (as well as the history of, and aftermath of centuries of conflict between them).. This of course would only represent the most superficial of personal connection (while at the same time having relative significance as well).. In terms of existence of humanity in that part of the world; "Irish" & "British" would not be all that old... Just the same, those that walk the lands today & those of us that are connected and have lived out lives elsewhere; carry forward attributes from those ancient times, as well as the more recent cultural cross sections..

I was viscerally effected and my heart directly impacted, frequently while traveling around, visiting various sites and connecting deeply with myself and people in the communities I inhabited.. On one occasion while sitting in the dining area of the B & B, where I stayed for long periods at a time and returned to, each time I came back to Derry i overheard a conversation. These folks were from Texas and prattled off all the place "they had done.." Each to their own! However, I was incensed by their choice of expression and obvious lack of regard for the land, the people, the history, the culture, the spirituality... I felt like saying, "You haven't "Done," anything!! This is sacred land, occupied by scores of my people - this is not some fucking amusement park, where you collect stamps for the rides you've been on, nor notches in your damn belt - Have some respect!!

To say I was involved when I was there would be a serious understatement.. I waffled as long as I could about booking passage out.. I was in absolutely no hurry to leave. I was an anomaly to many local folks when I told them of my love of the country, their town etc. It began to feel a great deal more to me like I was living there than visiting; albeit I could still go in most any direction and be in completely unfamiliar surroundings..

I explored .. geographically, historically, culturally, spiritually.. I participated in workshops and prayer circles. Prayed in cathedrals and forests, ancient sites and on the shores of the rivers. I busked in town squares and sang in local pubs. While I was there my first book was completed and introduced. Both me and the book were supported, opportunities were made available to me .. I embraced them whole-heartedly; along with all the beautiful souls, that appeared in my path. The whole thing so far surpassed my dreams (so needless to say my expectations as well) - it wouldn't have occurred to me to dream what became my reality.... it's all still absolutely flabbergasting!! I joined local gyms, frequented some of the same coffee shops and restaurants, where I made further connections. It became common place to "run into people" I "knew" in the town and stop for a chat (I've lived in Victoria my whole life and for me, this very seldom happens) - I spend more time engaged with people I don't know than those I do. I have met, socialized and befriended countless people over my life time in Victoria; it always baffles me, where do they all go? It's not that big of a city - but people just seem to vanish into the fabric of it's composition. I will allow for different times of my life where I would have been more "withdrawn" etc. so I'm not without responsibility as a contributing factor. I recognize the futility in "comparisons," this then I consider to be, more noticing.

I think I can safely say, many of the longstanding frameworks that I suppose in places and at times; I identified with, are rapidly falling away. I've had "roots" that go clear through to eternity, here in Victoria (most of which are unfounded in anything but fear) I could stay here based on a whole new paradigm. I could also recognize, the need to live and play at a far bigger life (not bigger or better than anyone else's) I don't really give a flying fuck about competing with anyone else. But I most certainly seek to align with my soul and I understand (at least to some degree) that will always call for some big decisions. I certainly have no intention of being less than what I can be.

So my being in a hotel in my "home town" and having the experience of "visiting" my own apartment and feeling a sense of estrangement within it - as well as seeing it replete with the belongings of the person currently inhabiting it; provide an interesting illumination. I sit in a coffee shop in town, I have frequented innumerable times. I'm in a chair I often grab, which affords me a view out the window for some day dreaming, and is in proximity to the doorways, which allows occasion viewing of the parades of people coming in & out. I'm in some blend of the euphoria of my journey, beginning to process the implication of it's many experiences and jet-lag. I'm here ... wherever that is. I'm chipping away at that which would require my attention, now that I'm here. Looking at further "launching my book.." I've got out and done some busking a couple of times.

As I've mentioned I've hit upon a couple of snags since being back here. I've also had guidance that suggests that my vision of expansion is in alignment for me, while it won't necessarily be easy. I'll take that into advisement, while I don't want to give "struggle" any undue energy. Better to acknowledge that if there are challenges along the way, it doesn't mean I'm "on the wrong path," or that I'm "doing it wrong," it means, there are some challenges. Supposedly within every challenge is it's solution. I also don't believe I've been led this far to be dropped on my ass. Doesn't mean I won't stumble from time to time. The taste of pavement is familiar enough to me - I might consider it a staple. Once upon a time I was literally spitting out teeth after one painful encounter with gravity. Trust me, this is no victim story. This is a, I don't give a shit about falling down story. I've been down there so many times as to make it rather ho-hum. Of course my preference would be no further falls - but the beauty of a propensity to fall, is learning to bounce.

Books are on order to begin something in this part of the world. I contacted an organizer today for a local health/wellness festival - to see about exhibiting my book. Last minute inquiry, but best I could do, given I only saw notice of it today. Response - full. But I can get on the waiting list. Fair enough. I see myself there (with or without a table).. I can get word out, without being an exhibitor - because, that's what I do. So a "closed door" there doesn't mean anything in isolation ... in a more expansive consideration it might well be more information..

One must determine for themselves what represents a closed door that might become open and when is it time to seek another door..

1 comment:

First let me say that I had no idea that you are also a musician and this is quite a beautiful discovery to happen upon as spiritual music is so much the core of who I Am so I honour you for this. Secondly dearest Rob, I really appreciate your realness in what you have shared here. And it seems to me if I may be so bold in saying so that upon going back to your hometowne that you are experiencing something I have felt since I have been here in Scotland and England for almost a year now which is I have outgrown my hometowne and this is truly my home now. While I will also say that I have yet to traverse Ireland as it too is also my heritage (I Am part Scottish, Irish, Danish, French, Canadian) and I know such will also feel as much home to me is being in the Highlands of Scotland, what I can say to you is much like you when I have traveled much of this last year (Since December last year) covering more of Scotland and England than most who were born here and grew up here have seen as I have been told many times by many here, for me it has and alway will be about the sacredness of the lands and sea, my heritage, my other lives here, my deep resonance to the core of my soul with this as my home and never about what I have 'done' as you said those whom speak of such said. My own journalling of my path on facebook and videos I have done and such this last year reflects that deeply (this and also in light of my dying and coming back almost 2 years ago on Valentine's Day 2016) so I very deeply get, understand, feel, and know what you are saying. Somehow I have this inner knowing (and can also say from the Akasha as well) that you are meant to come back to Ireland and to stay, that you have outgrown the home you once knew and coming back to your roots in that way immersing yourself in that changes you in a way that until and unless others have done such as myself and you have, cannot be fathomed, it can only be experienced and felt in the heart, in the soul. If you so choose it, may the universe conspire with you to create you being able to go back home for good, for home is both with Source and within and also the physical representation of your heart and soul. Ireland is that for you and I humbly honour you in appreciation for sharing of your heart and your soul. In Pure Love ~Lady Nenari, Princess of the Sea, Lady of Glencoe, Highlands Scotland