Advent calender day 20: ‘Bah Humbug!’

Poor Alan ‘Cratchit’ Pardew has come cap in hand, to beg for some funds to ease the load on his injured squad in the January transfer window. However, it looks like Newcastle United’s owner, Mike ‘Ebenezer’ Ashley isn’t about to part with any cash without a fight. Who knows, maybe he’ll get a visit from the three ghosts of Christmas, and he’ll change his mind. Let’s hope they mention zero hours contracts to him, while they’re at it!