Tuesday, August 6, 2013

I'm always
fascinated by man's desire to hold on to things that are absolutely worthless. As a result, ones life is overly populated with objects that serve no
purpose whatsoever. Seriously! Look around you.

I have two sets of
desktop speakers that have collectively done little else than occupy space and collect dust since 2009, three phones that I used to
carry before the one I’m currently using (which again is over two years old) and
my old iPod shuffle that still contains the latest album I’d downloaded shortly
after its release,(which is Ministry of Sound Annual 2007). Does the iPod still
work, you ask. Well, I couldn’t say. I haven’t found the earphones that I last
saw in…That’s right. 2007! Not to forget three expired ATM cards that were
forced upon me every time I changed a job (and hence a salary account). Now I
wonder if I also have the chequebook that I’d applied for in the summer of
2008. It must be here somewhere among all the 6 years’ Airtel bills that are
still neatly tucked inside their respective envelops. (Just kidding! I switched
to an email option three years back, so I only have bills up until June 2010)

I’m starting to
believe that every object that is created today, especially those built for the
betterment of mankind, is “designed” to serve the purpose only for a short
while. After which, it only piles on. This applies to every modern-day gadget / appliance
/ tool except that VCD player you won as a gift at a game show. And that’s
because you never even opened it from the case and packed it off as a gift at
the next wedding you were invited to. And besides, you’d already graduated to
DVDs by then, hadn't you?

The other
exception is probably the 2 GB pendrive you got when you redeemed your Credit
Card points for the first time. It still does its job of carrying as a souvenir a virus, at least one each from every single system it’s been plugged into.

Now let me have a look at all the other things
around me that I Once fell for like a ton
of bricks when I first lay my eyes on them, but now only compete with me for some precious space in my room. A visiting card book, containing cards of people I'm never going to call again. An organizer with
a parker pen neatly placed in a holder, used only once when my name had to be written. A 2009 Calendar featuring Bollywood
hotties as shot by Daboo Ratnani. CD Album, carrying freeware CDs that still contain demo versions of Sonic the Hedgehog. An off-white coffee mug, that’s
only been used to hold pens that don’t write anymore. 24 issues of GQ magazine,
which I subscribed to hoping I’d upgrade my style as I approach the 30s. 36 issues of Time Magazine, which I subscribed to hoping that it would help me sound
my age. And a digital weighing scale that needs recalibration every time I add
a kilo.

But here’s where
you’ll really feel shortchanged. When you are sold the idea of how functional
these things are “designed” to be, they seem like something that’d you’d give
your arm and leg to own. Like a spare kidney or something. And for a while, it actually seems like your
life actually depends on it. Like it is your only kidney or something. And all
hell breaks loose when it suddenly stops working. Like you need a kidney
transplant on the pronto or something. But after a while, it only contributes
to the junk around you. Just like those empty bottles of alcohol, which might
be the real reason why you need a spare kidney or something.

Your mobile phone
is a fine example of how unnecessary these luxuries really are. As
a device, your phone is actually meant to help you make calls when you are on
the move. But surely, that’s not good enough. Today a phone needs to come with
a PS3 integrated into it, along with a 52 inch LED screen, a Home Theatre
system with surround sound, and if that’s still not enough, the whole of IMDB
Top 250 loaded into it. So you never really find the time to use it make one
phone call. How could you? (Battery) Life is
too short and you have so much to do.

All of which leads
me to believe that thanks to all these - pardon the oxymoron - unnecessary
necessities, life has become way too expensive. Which is why if any of these
oddities broke one fine day, you feel really broke. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I were ever to
live my life again, I’d reside in a distant village that was completely devoid of
all these gadgets or luxuries. Yes, really. Okay, maybe I’ll carry just one iPad… and get a
good broadband connection…and a functional microwave…oh wait, and a fully
automatic washing machine…okay, and a set top box with all the sports channels…and
a 52 inch LED TV…and a PS3...Oh and some good B&O speakers...and one e-book reader, with thousands of e-books…and a large refrigerator…and a lazyboy with a beer bottle holder...and
a titanium credit card…That should suffice. Or would it?