A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir.

I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again,

'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,....

'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

Oct 24, 2017

1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long) 2. Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.) 3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Wal-Mart has a bigger selection) 4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this) 5. Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyone knows grandma has more money) 6. Thou shall not get into fights. (Cat fight anyhow...just start them.) 7. Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off) 8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class. ( Hooters pays more) 9. Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it") 10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave 'em in the middle)

Oct 13, 2017

Dave was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.At
the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while
she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.When Carl was finished, Mary asked “How much for the teapot?”Carl replied, “That’s silver and it costs $300!”“My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!” Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Earl had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it.From the back room Carl yelled, “Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?”Mary replied, “No, but I will for the teapot.”

A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch Her in the act. For £100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money' HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your Chelsea season tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for your African tour and 4 x 4. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do? The cabby replies, 'I'd cover him with that blanket before he catches a cold.'