Movies

3 holiday movie fan theories that prove joy is a cruel facade

Every holiday season, we gather together with friends and family to watch old movies that we've seen before.

The reason why we watch these films every season is pretty simple: We have memories tied to them and their stories remind us of a simpler, happier, easier time. It's relaxing and it makes us feel better, right?

Rudolph is the byproduct of Donner's infidelity

Image: Rankin/Bass Productions

The blatant prejudice against the red-nosed baby deer by Santa Claus and his own father already makes this film darker than your average claymation Christmas special. But one Redditor posits the theory that Rudolph's nose causes shame in those around him not solely because he is different, but also because his nose is a mark of infidelity.

The key points:

Rudolph is the offspring of Donner and some kind of deer prostitute that probably has a red nose.

Rudolph is the only character who refers to Mrs. Donner as his mother and the narrator only states that, "Santa's lead reindeer, Donner, had just become a proud papa."

Unlike Hermey the Elf, who is a misfit due to his sheer incompetence and his incessant need to describe what he'd rather be doing, Rudolph is despised only because of his nose.

Clarice's dad exclaims, "There's one thing I want to make very plain — no doe of mine is going to be seen with a red-nosed reindeer." This gives the impression that Rudolph is not the first of his kind, and the nose causes universal disdain in the reindeer community.

Kevin McCallister grows up to be Jigsaw

Image: 20th Century Fox

Keep the change, ya filthy murderer. Ruthless home defender/8-year-old Kevin McCallister clearly has a fascination with the art of torture, as seen in the Home Alone franchise. One Redditor's theory explains, to stunning effect, why it's totally plausible that Kevin would grow up to become the killer Jigsaw, from the Saw franchise.

The key points:

Kevin is obviously skilled and extremely interested in torturous acts. His creativity proves this, and he's probably a psychopath.

While Kevin's first foray into torture at least tests the limits of what constitutes self-defense, he lures the villains into torture in the second film. Much like Jigsaw, Kevin wants to punish those who he feels deserve it.

Kevin is a skilled manipulator, and his charm gets him everywhere. This charming quality aligns with many serial killers in pop culture.

At age 8, Kevin is creating traps that fool adult, lifetime criminals. As he becomes Jigsaw, his disturbing skill only grows and manifests in new directions.

It's A Wonderful Life is actually about a terrible life

Surely, this sappy yet lovable tale of a man learning the value of his impact on others can't be taken in a sinister light, right? Nope. It's horrible. Everything is horrible. In 2008, Wendell Jamieson wrote a review of the film for The New York Times poking holes in what many see as the films earnest and heart-filled core: that George Bailey's life is wonderful.

The key points:

George's life is one disappointing compromise after another. He's forced to stay at home instead of going to college, he doesn't go to war because of his ear injury, he struggles every day to get by while his brother becomes a massive success and he lives in a terrible, run-down house.

He is surrounded by and eternally responsible for inept family members like his Uncle Billy.

The "Pottersville" of the alternate-reality sequence is much closer to the type of place George has stated he'd like to visit and experience.

George's alternate-reality friends and family show their true selves. Ernie the cab driver is miserable and Bert the cop is violent.

Whether he raised the money to overcome the shortfall or not, Bailey would still likely be held accountable for losing the money. Restitution does not renege the offense.

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