Checking my craziness ratio....

So, some of you may have read other posts of mine. I will try to keep the background of this story short, as it is ridiculously complicated. The bottom line is that my ex fiance and I split seven months ago after being together for six years. Honestly? I think we were just too young when we met and didn't have the right tools to work through all of what we had been through together. In the time we have been apart, we both dated other people. I actually got pregnant and lost my daughter at 19 weeks this past September. Rebound guy and I tried to work through it but it just didn't happen. In the meantime, the ex split with his girlfriend and we found one another again. This is something I hoped for the entire time we were apart, even though I was the one who left and I was pregnant. (Scarlette's dad and I weren't together during my pregnancy... It was only after that we tried to see if we would work but we don't :(

In any case, we have been sort of "dating." It hasn't gotten very physical and we agreed (up until today) to take things slow. Now I'm thrown for a bit of a loop. Today he told me to take out the Nuva Ring. He wants to start ttc in January. On one REALLY big hand, I'm ridiculously excited.... It feels like we should just get a move on already, pick up where we left off, with a few life lessons under our belt and a huge amount of growth and move forward.

On the other hand, I'm terrified of what people will think, namely our families. They both know a lot of the details of our breakup and what happened in between. I know they will be worried. My mom, who is SUPER supportive, has already expressed concern about he and I ending up back together. I have a feeling people will think we're crazy, but it doesn't feel that way to me.

So, I admittedly have baby fever, but I also know I love this man very much. If everything we have been through hasn't kept us apart, doesn't that count for something? He and I have talked quite extensively about this in the past and now (I actually didn't think I could get pregnant, so we had a lot of discussions regarding adoption). We are on the same page about everything and I don't know why I am questioning it. Is it just our families and friends that has me worried? Or could it be more than that? If I knew everyone else would be as happy as we would be, I don't think I would have a second thought about it....

So should we just go ahead with it? Not that I have to remind you, but be honest!!!!

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Dominick is here! 11/17/09

Angel Baby Scarlette Rose 9/22/08

"There is no footprint so small it cannot leave an imprint on this world" angelkisses.org

Comments (22)

Because the newly rekindled relationship is so unpredictable, you would need to have a "what if?" conversation before making a decision. What if it doesn't work out again with you two? Are you both prepared to raise a child together while separate? If so, don't stop and think about what other people will say, this is about you and your decisions and your confidence in each others' ability to work through the rough parts. If you and your SO are solely willing to be accountable for the unknown without placing responsibility on anyone else for the outcomes, then it isn't their business. That's just my opinion though.

But I do have to ask, what's the harm in waiting until you know more about your relationship?

I think we were just too young when we met and didn't have the right tools to work through all of what we had been through together.

So, do you have those tools now? Has anything changed or are you just so happy to be back together that you're overlooking the reasons why you split in the first place? The answers to these questions will affect my opinion as to whether you should have a baby with this man or not.

In any case, we have been sort of "dating." It hasn't gotten very physical and we agreed (up until today) to take things slow. Now I'm thrown for a bit of a loop. Today he told me to take out the Nuva Ring. He wants to start ttc in January. On one REALLY big hand, I'm ridiculously excited.... It feels like we should just get a move on already, pick up where we left off, with a few life lessons under our belt and a huge amount of growth and move forward.

I put this in red because this is the red flag. How you trying to have a baby with someone you're kind of dating and havent even been physical with?

Stop the madness.

You still sound like you have a lot to learn about relationships and yourself before you bring children into this world. I've read your story and yeah, you're pretty crazy lol But seriously, slowwwwwwwww down. You have a lot of learning to love yourself work that needs to be done before you become someone's mama... especially with a man you're kind of dating and have an unstable past with.

i think you aer moving to fast! if you broke up for some reason not that long ago how can you be certain that you won't get pregnant and break up again. do you want to be a single mom> and are you going to be okay with him and a "new" woman in your life forever if it doesn't work!

i say do whats right for you but take it slow and make sure you discuss all the possible outcomes first! then when family makes comments or such you can say we have discussed it.

As previous posters have stated, this relationship has proven itself volatile in the past and you talk about lacking tools to work things out before, have you learn some now?

I understand the baby fever, I had it for over 3 years before this pregnancy but there are so many things to consider, that frankly it would be irresponsible to actually try for a little one before considering all the "what ifs"; without examining and working through the circumstances that brought about the break-up the first time around.

I'm a woman of what-if's... I think of things seventeen ways to Sunday before making any decisions. He is as over-analytical as I am, so we have definitely discussed all of the ways it could turn out... Even the possibility that it won't happen, considering it didn't the first six years we were together.

After the past seven months, we are both completely redefined people. Same hearts, new ambition, new lease all of that. My daughter died within me three months ago today. It has made me recognize that you only get one chance to be the person you intend to be. As a mother, wife, friend, sister- as a PERSON. I think, because we were still so closely connected throughout my pregnancy, but were not in a relationship, we discovered new means of communicating, new ways to respect and care for one another that we didn't have before. This experience has softened us both vastly and has made us realize that the "right time" we had been waiting for will never truly come. There will always be something in the way of everything being "perfect" It's how we deal with it, right?

I DID plan on raising my daughter on my own when I was pregnant this past year. I know that I have the capability to do it all by my lonesome if need be. I don't, however, think it will come to that. We have also learned that in one anothers' arms is the only place we want to be!

At 28 and 30, we understand that we aren't "too old" but we also know we don't have as long as we did at 21 and 23 when we met. I guess we've been lolligagging for so long it really feels like we ought to just go for it...

Happy- trust me, it hasn't gotten physical up until this point because I have been trying to be as cautious and honest as possible with myself. Once I throw "caution" to the wind, it's ON! That's one thing that was NEVER lacking between us :)

Glorify and Monkey- I just get nervous about my family worrying. We're very close and I know that, aside from him eating all the black olives on the relish tray at family gatherings, they love SO, they just don't want to see either of us hurt. We have agreed to sit down with them now that we've decided officially to move forward and discuss their concerns with them. I think that may help us also realize some things about our relationship that will benefit it.

I'm still open to all discussion. I think that this past (almost) year has been quite significant to our growth as a couple and I am always a fan of continuing on that track. Hence I write. Hence I listen. Hence I discuss :) Keep 'em coming! We've still got some time before the first go at it!

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Dominick is here! 11/17/09

Angel Baby Scarlette Rose 9/22/08

"There is no footprint so small it cannot leave an imprint on this world" angelkisses.org

"After the past seven months, we are both completely redefined people. "

I realize a lot has happened in the last seven months, however, I don't think anyone can truly redefine themselves after only seven months. Just consider all the reasons NOT to go too fast before thinking about the obvious reasons to go for it, those reasons are about feelings and well, we can't rely too much on our feelings; they often get us into trouble.

Are you making a baby just to make one? Or because you can both financially support the new one and are ready to be a compatible couple? Or, is this baby a way to "make things better"....because if it is...don't. It won't work

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"Human beings, by changing the inner attitude of their minds, can change the outer aspect of their lives"

Honestly, If you love him, then I would go for it. Although I would think about where you hope to be a few years down the road. Do you see you and him still togther? Do you see him leaving you? I dont know the guy but just be sure both of you are totally comitted before you ttc. Other than that I would say do what makes you happy. Dont think about what others may say because in the end they arent the ones you have to live with and commit to!!