A blog by Mike aka Thog. I write. I game. I've never eaten a starfish.

Monday, 29 June 2015

Guest Post - Black It Was!

Today's guest post from my dad regales us of the time he cooked something. To be fair he does a lot of cooking, and barely on a weekly basis does something ignite.

I burn stuff too - like this chopping board.

---------------

BLACK
IT WAS!

A
‘black’ black mind you, indeed picture a ‘black’ black if you
will, jet black a-smothered in soot and hidden deep in the bowels of
a mine in the middle of a dark moonless, starless night, with the
lights out, blackout curtains fitted as standard, doors locked and
bolted as viewed by a blind person wearing sunglasses.

The
frying pan t’was that sort of black – and the lid of the frying
pan was of similar ilk!

I
was alerted to the erm ‘issue at hand’ by the smoke and stench of
burningness in the kitchen.

Being
of sound mind and realising that impending doom was all but upon me
in the shape of my wife Christine, I asked her to open the front door
to let some air in and closed the kitchen door with me inside and
scurried the flaming frying pan outside using a thick towel for
insulation.

Note
to knee-jerk smart arses everywhere – none of whom are present - I
am quite certain, No, the correct thing to do was NOT call the fire
brigade, or place a wet towel over the pan of fire.

There
was barely 2 gm of oil in the pan – NOT 12 gallons of furiously
combusting oil threatening to burn the house down!

Outside
the birds sang and early morning sounds wafted gently around, and the
over-warm frying pan complete with decorative flames was deposited on
my log pile, which I hasten to add had been furiously rained on only
the previous day, and was therefore most unlikely to also burst into
flames and burn the rest of the estate to the ground.

Hot
on my heels of course was Chrissy, hastening to erm, watch furiously
over a situation already well under control and exacerbate any
undeveloped hysteria, running up and down and associated frenzy.

Yes,
the house needed fresh air to chase the smell away, otherwise things
were alright.

Oh
yes, the pan needed a good cleaning afterwards.

WARNING!

HAVE
YOU JUST HAD A COOKED BREAKFAST?

BEWARE,
THE KITCHEN COULD BE ON FIRE!

This
message is brought to you by ‘Note to Self, Health and Safety
Initiative inc.’

2 comments:

I cook like that sometimes, though, my new specialty is melting the spatulas, and ladles. It is kind of a specialty, almost like artwork. If I could talk my wife into buying them in different colors I could really get creative.