I'm not rich, smart, or talented. I can't run a mile in under ten minutes, I can't pass Algebra II, and couldn't afford my last electric bill. My face is asexual, sometimes I hit my head on ceiling fans, and my hair is so unruly it once smothered a hamster to death. So how, pray tell, did I end up at an all boys boarding school with a suitcase where my boobs should be?