Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying swine told you I was speeding, too!

Post by: shruska18(286715)2007-07-27 09:56:59

Should have tried that. Couldnt have posted this a 2 weeks earlier, could you?

Post by: legendary wolf(38655)2007-07-27 20:46:55

hahaha nice

Post by: penguinlover(294552)2007-07-27 22:09:29

thatd be cool if it would actually work

Post by: denzil(82151)2007-07-28 07:39:11

A police officer pulls over a driver in the rain. Its cold and wet so the officer gets out his rain jacket and his alcohol testing kit. As he steps out of the police car he sees many faults with the car he has pulled over and is going to advice the driver to get them fixed or get put off the road. The officer walks up to the window of the parked car and knocks on the window twice to get the drivers a tension.

After a wile the driver of the car turns off his music and puts out his smoke and hangs up his Mobil phone. Then starts to wind down the window.

Driver, Yes drinkstuble?

Officer Have you been drinking Sir?

Driver Yes Drinkstable.

Officer, I need you to blow in this bag.

Driver No Sir you can cool off your own chips and gravy!

Officer. Stop being a dumb ass and step out of the car and put your hands on the car now!

Driver, No go clean your own car and I am not the fool standing in the rain. * Starts car and drives off in a spray of water!

O O to be a Police man! LOL

Post by: Bret Hart(73101)2007-07-30 04:25:43

LOL!!!

Post by: Dyna Mike Duncan(127082)2007-08-02 06:15:14

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator:"What sort of trouble??"
Caller:"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller:"They disappeared."
Operator:"Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:"Nothing."
Operator:"Nothing??"
Caller:"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator:"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller:"How do I tell?"
Operator:"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator:"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller:"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator:"Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:"What's a monitor?"
Operator:"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller:"I don't know."
Operator:"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:"Yes, I think so."
Operator:"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator:"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller:"No."
Operator:"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller:"Okay, here it is."
Operator:"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:"I can't reach."
Operator:"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:"No."
Operator:"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Operator:"Dark??"
Caller:"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:"I can't."
Operator:"No? Why not??"
Caller:"Because there's a power failure."
Operator:"A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator:"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller:"Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator:"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator:"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

(I've removed the expletive from the final sentence lol - I think the caller on here is related to most of the noobs on VOW :D)

Post by: The Beast(317110)2007-12-06 13:36:00

The how to not get a speeding ticket is cool, dosn't apply to me as im 13, but if it went wrong you'd be in big trouble, wasting police time is an offence, it isn't worth it

Post by: lw09(314821)2007-12-06 18:56:05

We all know that Beast..

I have never heard of any of those.. all priceless. Each one humored me in some odd way. :D

Post by: suepahfly(59692)2007-12-07 19:40:35

Well, a friend of mine tried getting away with a speeding ticket once.
Officer pulled him over. It was a woman.
She asked him why he was driving so fast, and he sayd "i'm sorry ma'm, i was only going so fast so i could stand here a bit longer next to you. I have to be at work in 1 houre, and now i have more time to spend with you".

She looked offended at first, and ... they went on a few dates afterwards :)
Whatever happened in between, he never told us. But we do know he still had to pay the ticket though :D