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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Smash Report: Spooky Leading Lady Hell Dream

“Let Me Be Your Star” starts off the show! Our favorite song has returned, but Ivy for some reason can’t hit that glory note. Is this foreshadowing for something? I think so! At rehearsal, the gang is attempting to reorder their musical. Apparently this is a show where being linear is not important. McSleazy is pissed at Julia for not finishing the blackhole of a musical, which doesn’t seem will ever be finished. Ellis over hears the battle between Julia, Tom, and McSleazy, so what does he do? Well he goes to Eileen to tattle. Dude! He’s your employer! And you’re not five years old! Well, that’s not the worst of it. Poor little Ivy is having some major vocal trauma. Is she sick? Has karma smacked her in the vocal chords? All we know is the workshop is a week a way from an audience, tension is in full force, and the leading lady is not in perfect shape. Drama at a drama!
Tom returns from the doctors and tells the gang about Ivy’s condition. Is there another option? Well…Karen! Duh! She is hiding behind the piano because all her stuff magically fell out of her bag. Can she learn the part in a week? Is she overly excited for the possibility? Go home and learn that part Karen Cartwright! At Julia’s house, Julia dreams of the kiss between her and Michael as she burns the pancakes, with batter on her face. Defiant Leo doesn’t want pancakes because he wants cereal because he’s a little shit of a son. Thankfully daddy comes home and saves the day. At rehearsal, Ivy informs McSleazy that she can sing and nothing is going to stop her. Karen is upset, but Jessica gives her a Bar Mitzvah gig for the night. And Ellis AGAIN goes to Eileen and tattles about the positive rehearsal. What is his angle! Michael and Julia have another awkward moment where Michael threatens to make a scene. What is between these two? Love or just pathetic lust? Well, we won’t find out because we’re saved by the “We’re back.”
One of Ellis’s friends gets Eileen into a swanky apartment to potentially rent but financial woes won’t let her rent a $10,000 apartment. Money is hard kids! Karen plays dress up with Dev watching discussing her Bar Mitzvah gig. Apparently neither of them have Jewish friends as they’ve never been to one. How stone aged! At their work time, Julia drops the bomb that Michael kissed her, a big one. It was all in the song he sang! Tom admits he would have too. Tom then tells Julia that things with his new boy are good. Eileen is brought to a normal person bar which she will soon call her new hangout, filled with normal people and arcade games. But the real question is why the hell is she out with Ellis? Is she on drugs? At home, Ivy has a moment with some pills. We don’t see her consume the drugs but if I’m a betting man, she did. And they must have gotten to her head because she breaks out into song. The entire moment looks like a frickin’ music video. And then in her delusional haze, Karen appears in Ivy’s mirror dressed up as Marilyn. It’s a Spooky Leading Lady Hell Dream!

At the Bar Mitzvah, a plethora of Jews await the arrival of Karen posing at Ivy. Living the life. At John’s bash, Tom meets two of John’s stuffy friends who tell Tom that John is newly out. Tom gets freaked out and is saved by Ivy’s Spooky Leading Lady Hell Dream. Sam is also there at the rescue. Tom texts Karen about her potential big break right before she has to sing a horrendous version of “Hava Nagila.” Sheltered girl doesn’t even know “Hava Nagila”?! Julia attempts to have a tender moment with Frank, but then Michael calls. Bad timing buddy. Julia steals the phone away from Frank and learns that Michael is terrified of his love for her. And being caught by his wife. Your sister? How lame dude! Back at Ivy’s, Tom proposes that they watch a movie. Sam proposes a Rangers game. “What’s a Ranger?” Really Tom? You live in New York. “What’s a Ranger.” If I’m a betting man, the sexual tension between Tom and Sam and the newfound information of John’s “recent” emerging from the closet will make some drama for our favorite composer. At the Bar Mitzvah, Karen sings “Shake It Out” a song that is not, well, so perfect for the closing number of a Bar Mitzvah. Doesn’t she know “Shout” or “The Macarana”? The kids apparently love the performance, swaying their arms as if they were instructed. Mazel Tov Ethan. You had a potential Broadway star sing at your Bar Mitzvah. I will say, it was not one of Karen’s shining moments.
At the Houston household, Julia is battling some inner emotional demons. The stress of the musical is a beautiful cover for the stress of cheating on your spouse. After the Bar Mitzvah has ended, the band and FauxIvy have leftovers. The venue director (played by a local neighbor of mine Geoffrey Cantor!) gives FauxIvy a business card. Elation? No because Tom tells Karen that Ivy is indeed ok. Julia and Michael sneak into the rehearsal hall. Julia tells Michael that he cannot contact her at home any longer. After five years of separation, Julia and Michael attempt to resurface to reality. But Michael unbuttons Julia’s shirt and instantly, Julia is in his control. First off, naked and doing the nasty in a rehearsal room after hours? Hot or entirely creepy? Where’s Ellis to sneak in on this one? Or has he tapped the room with video cameras already? Someone is going to find out that Julia and Michael did it on the set pieces!

John and Tom have ice cream and Tom asks John if he just came out. John reassures he’s not one of those closet cases. In fact, he’s come out four times since he was eight. The next day at rehearsal, McSleazy asks Ivy how’s “The Voice” (Mondays on NBC) and Ivy says “The Voice” (Mondays on NBC) and again says “The Voice” (Monday’s on NBC) to reiterate her statement and to give a shameless plug on the hit NBC show that is the lead into to our favorite show. Tom apologizes to Karen for the confusing texts. The business card that Karen gets from the Bar Mitzvah is from Bobby Raskin who is apparently a big deal. Ivy is P.O.ed! Michael enters and Julia is glowing. If there weren’t an audience around, they’d probably do it again right now! Side note: writers, please stop making our lovely stage manager so dull! Give her real people lines! In the night’s new song, a definite parallel to Michael and Julia’s history making night, we see Julia finally smiling. Any chance she wrote the song WHILE she was doing it? The number stops after Ivy and Michael stumble on the couch, which sets off McSleazy, humiliating Ivy in the process. We get Ivy’s gem of the night “maybe you can remember artists are not football players who can take endless abuse and still do their jobs.” Excuse me? Ivy calls out Karen and says maybe she can do the part and admits that McSleazy is bad in bed. Side affect of the steroids of emotional breakdown? Is Ivy really ready for the spotlight? And why does Tom approve of her actions? At the Bushwhack, Eileen and her producer friend celebrate with martinis for her new apartment on the Lower East Side. Eileen buys the bartender a drink. Mr. Bartender, a local of Soap Opera World, will be Eileen’s new romantic pal. Yes, that means Ellis is officially out of the running.
So how did we feel? Anyone buying Ivy’s meltdown? Will Derek tell off Ivy for her actions? Is Karen going to get her chance? And who the hell is Bernedette Peters playing next week?