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3 Ways You’re Pushing Away The Man You Want & Desire

Why Profound Intimacy Is Key To Long-Term Relationships

August 17, 2015

Do you ever feel that you want a deeper love and better sex? Would you say that sex is important in a relationship? I think most of us would. But do we mean any kind of sex, when we say that it’s important? Or do we mean the kind of sex that doesn’t just satisfy a physical urge but also makes us feel closer together?

The type of sex many couples have is more like mutual masturbation. Sex tends to be about one or both of you “getting off”, which doesn’t allow for connected, intimate sex to happen. Sex can kinda feel good, though it doesn’t do anything for either one of you in any great way. It can actually leave you feeling less satisfied, even if you did orgasm.

Women (and men) can get so caught up in their heads, which invariably stops them from feeling each other. Many of us are not in tune with our own body and/or our sexual partners, and this stops intimacy and pleasure from happening. A penis in a vagina is not intimacy. Sure, it’s intimate, yet true intimacy cannot take place when we’re disconnect from our vulnerability, our hearts and emotional self.

So how can you have profound intimacy, increased pleasure and bonding sex? Here are 8 ways to get you started:

The Sex That Binds

Further to what I’ve already shared, the sex that makes any long-term romantic relationship happier and stronger is intimate sex. This is different from just physically satisfying sex in that it doesn’t just give you an orgasm. What it does, is it strengthens the bond between you and your partner and deepens your love for each other.

You may have heard that sex releases oxytocin, a mighty hormone that binds us together. What you may not have been told is that sex is by no means the only activity that releases it. Just touching each other can raise your oxytocin levels and deepen your love for each other. Kissing would do the same. And guess what…?

Intimate Sex Combines All These

The best kind of sex is the kind that works on both the physical and emotional levels. It feels primal and heavenly at the same time. It is a profound expression of your love and intimacy, a celebration of the bond between you. So how do we get this kind of sex?

This is actually not the right question to ask because intimate sex is not about what you get in bed or wherever you choose to get intimate. This kind of sex is about consciously seeking to deepen the emotional bond with your partner using physical means. It’s about all the beautiful sensations you two can experience together, not about orgasming at all costs. Here’s what I mean.

Be In Your Body

Most of us are sexually disconnected because we’re normally focusing on something else entirely; like our grumpy boss, the kids, or how much housework needs to get done, or we have some suppressing beliefs about our sexuality running rampant. Thoughts like: my body looks terrible in this position, or I can’t orgasm, or I shouldn’t have to tell him what I like, or I feel shy telling someone what feels good, are all intimacy killers.

Conscious sexuality involves being in your body. You can’t do this when you’re somewhere else in the stratosphere. It’s also important to calm the mind and trust that you are safe and secure. If you don’t feel safe and secure with your partner then that’s a problem. If you don’t trust your partner then it’s impossible to experience profound intimacy.

It’s important for you to discern whether this lack of safety is real or whether these feelings stem from your own insecurities. Intimate sex can only happen with someone you truly; like, value, and care about, as they do you.

I’m guessing you’ve heard before that it’s important to love and appreciate your body because it’s yours and it’s beautiful. So what’s stopping you?

Bodies come in all shapes and sizes, so love yours! I know most of us perhaps have at some point questioned the beauty of our body and this point is usually in the bedroom. It’s natural. When you’re naked, you’re exposed. This kind of exposure can spike strong insecurity that can affect you and your partner’s chances of enjoying more love and better sex.

What you need is to make a conscious effort to draw your own attention away from what you see as physical weaknesses. Don’t think about your stomach or your bottom when you’re in bed with your man. Think about how good it feels when he touches you right there. Believe me, he does not care one little bit about your stomach being not as flat as you’d like. He loves you just as you are, isn’t that wonderful!

Are You Fully Aroused?

Many women, although they know how important foreplay is, sometimes cut it short. They worry that their partner finds it boring and may start losing patience soon.

I have one suggestion: why not stop speculating what he may or may not think or feel? When two people love each other and are emotionally, not just physically close, they would happily do what it takes to make the other one happy. A woman that’s happy in bed is a woman who has been aroused enough. Your man can help you “warm up”, just show him or tell him how.

Own Your Pleasure

Oh, I know, we’re sometimes so shy of telling him what exactly we want. Why? I’ll tell you why: because a lot of us believe that giving him pointers will make him feel less of a man, or you’re worried that you could be judged for actually know what your body likes, or you don’t know what you like. Basically, we expect men to read our thoughts. But they can’t.

The only thing a man can do when faced with the undoubtedly pleasurable task of helping his partner get in the mood for sex is read the clues and hope like hell you’ll open your mouth and tell him that you like what he’s doing, or that you’d like him to do something else.

Coming together is fantastic but it doesn’t happen every time. Nor does it have to, by the way. Emotionally bonding sex is not all about orgasm but orgasm has its part as culmination of this bond. And here we, women, also sometimes create problems for ourselves.

Many of us sell themselves short by not taking the responsibility for their own climaxing. This may sound harsh but it’s the truth. We may get embarrassed about telling our lover to slow down because we need more time. We may get afraid not to hurt him if we don’t act like we’re on top of the world. So we fake. Or even if we don’t, we’re left not fully satisfied simply because we couldn’t be open about our needs.

Intimate sex is slow sex. But I know why you would worry about slowing things down. You worry he might lose his erection and he might fear the same thing. Will that really be a problem? After all, even if it happens, it will be a temporary “glitch in the system” that you two can fix and enjoy doing it, isn’t that right?

Make your partner feel comfortable, tell him that even if things start looking down at some point they’ll soon start looking back up and you will both feel much more intense pleasure this way. Slow sex is something definitely worth a try.

SOUND It All Out

This is one little, or maybe not so little trick to heighten your pleasure, to make sex more intimate and more fulfilling. All you need to do is breathe in a conscious way and make sound – moan more and release pleasure through the use of your voice and through breath. And don’t be shy.

Proper breathing has a perfectly practical implication: it will saturate your blood with more oxygen and this will heighten your senses, letting you enjoy sex more.

Making sound is freeing, liberating and highly effective. It will allow your sexual energy to move through your body and it will add a new dimension to the whole experience, making it more intense, allowing you are and your partner to connect.

My tip is – don’t leave making noise till climax, let out sounds of pleasure in conjunction with your breath, from the very beginning. You don’t have to be screaming out, you can express yourself in a gentle, flowing and rhythmic way. This is not about forcing anything or pretending, this is about grounding, moving energy and expanding. A simple “ahhhh” sound is good place to start.

In a nutshell, don’t be afraid to try new things. Be courageous and experience the sex you deserve. True love-making begins before penetration – love your body, own your orgasm, get warm and tingly, slow it down, breathe, make delicious sexy noises and touch and kiss each other to your heart’s content…

Intimate sex is one of the most beautiful and euphoric experiences on earth. All it takes is one person in the relationship to guide and move the other towards bonding intimacy.

Nadine Piat

Nadine is a Professional Coach, Writer, Speaker and the Founder of Healthy You Healthy Love. Nadine's mission is to inspire women to live a life full of love and inner peace!
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MEET NADINE

Nadine Piat

Welcome to HYHL! I'm Nadine Piat and I have one clear mission - to inspire women to break free from the shackles of painful love and to love wholeheartedly with ease. I'm the creator of ‘Healthy You Healthy Love' and 4 world leading online programs that teach women how to effortlessly captivate the very best men, cultivate soulful love, experience bonding and healing physical intimacy, and live a life filled with inner joy and unshakeable confidence.