getting my ya-yas out

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Being in Spokane right now feels really strange. For the past two years of my being in college, I have always chosen this month to be at home. The longer I am here, the more I kick myself for not going home this month. My oldest and one of the most wonderful friends is traveling to New York, kind of for good, in just a few weeks. When I go home in August, she won’t be there. My dad and sister are out of school now, whereas they won’t be in August when I am actually there. Also, I am barely working here…my first day of job training is today, almost a month since I got out of school.

I try to find creative ways to fill up my days, though I often resort to Netflix and cooking. I can’t really feel too sorry for myself because a) I chose to do this and b) I have it better than like 80% of the world. (Excluding the 20% that have the resources to jet off to foreign vacations at a moments notice and/or are having more fun than me while not working.)

I miss my mom and my dad and my sister and the slow, easy way of life that I took for granted in high school. I miss the genuine kindness, and the running-into-someone-you-know-everywhere-you-go-ness. I can’t think about it too much because I just start crying at completely random times. I chose to go to this school, I chose to stay with my boyfriend and wait until he can come with me to make my flight home…hence August. Sometimes it sucks planning your life around someone else’s agenda. Though I’ve spent the majority of my life just making plans for one, which is considerably easier but also considerably lonelier. I know that if I went home without him this month, I would have a persistent guilty feeling about leaving him here alone.