Monday, March 17, 2008

Michael O'Sucks

Open: Well, it's St. Patrick's Day. Michael Kay dresses up in a lime-green nightmare, and John Flaherty sports a different shade of green. If it's possible for Kay to be more offensive to the eyes than usual, this is a good way to prove it.

YES, being ever so clever, tosses an O' in front of each name on the graphic -- John O'Flaherty and Michael O'Kay. I'm not here to hate on St. Patrick's Day. YES could have gone the extra mile and made all its graphics green, but, given their difficulties, the production truck would probably have exploded if they tried that.

Kay expounds on how great a coup it was for the Red Sox to sign today's starter, Bartolo Colon. And he's still excluding the game's first pitch from being a part of baseball.

Bottom first: On the Yankees' lineup "No green rookies in there."

YES shows a man with a hands-free device under a green plastic hat. Kay: "You've heard of BlueTooth. That's GreenTooth."

To quote Peter Falk's character from Made, "Do you see a pattern forming here?" Kay loves these green jokes, but they're just not funny. Of course, he has the comedic sense to stop making them.

Meanwhile, Colon -- surprise! -- has begun to suck, and Kay starts ripping the pitcher's body language. Gone is the effusive praise that was spewed out in the opening. All it took was 2/3 of an inning in a spring training game!

Top second: Oh no, here we go again: "Funny thing about Lowell -- when the Red Sox traded for Josh Beckett, the Marlins forced them to take Lowell too ..."

For those who didn't watch a Yankees-Red Sox game in 2006-2007, this may come as news. Percentage that meets that criterion in today's audience? 1? Lowell has re-signed with the Red Sox for $12 million per year, $3 million more per year than he made after coming over from Florida. Seems to me he is no longer being forced upon the Red Sox.

Suddenly, Michael Kay is asking radio "voice" Suzyn Waldman a question. Who let her into the stadium? Luckily, YES keeps her off-microphone and off camera. The way it should be.

Bottom second: All this talk about the Red Sox and their travel to Japan sounds familiar. Oh, yeah, that's right, Kay spent the last four innings of Sunday's game talking about it because he couldn't bother to remember more than one pitcher in the Indians bullpen.

Top third: Ah, yes, Kay's daily eyesight check. Jeter gets to a ball any shortstop would get to, and Kay raves about how Jeter worked to improve his range to his left. "His range up the middle is somewhat limited. His range in the hole is good."

That's like saying: "Eliot Spitzer's political options are somewhat limited." As for Jeter's range in the hole, that's below average, too. Why do you think he's jumping all the time? This isn't the time or the place to go into a long soliloquy on how bad Jeter's defense is, but this is just another example of Kay's apologizing for a player.

Bottom third: We get it, you are Michael O'Kay for the day. Tell them to stop putting up graphics about it.

I should also point out that Kay is in such a habit of doing his, "Along with John Flaherty, I'm Michael Kay routine" -- he only does it four times a game -- that he butchers this. "Along with John Flaherty...err...I should say, John O'Flaherty, I'm Michael O'Kay." A masterful delivery as always.

Top sixth: Does anyone tell more stories about himself than Kay? Now he's whining about how Jorge Posada hugged Flaherty but not him in the clubhouse before the game. "It's a catchers thing," Flaherty reassures Kay.

First of all, I don't think Posada's arms are long enough to reach all the way around Kay. Second , is he four? Does he really need a hug?

Kay also says he would have made fun of Posada's ears but Posada made fun of them first.

Is Kay really going to start making fun of another person's appearance? He has as much standing to do that as ... he does to make fun of other another person's announcing. No wonder Posada won't hug him. Guy's an ass.

Bottom sixth: At the end of the inning: "You stay right there."

Wow. I was going to go to the bathroom, but I better not move out of fear Kay will jump out of the TV and smother me with his lime-green shirt.

Top seven: For the second straight day, Legends Field has set an attendance record. Every game this season has been sold out. Have theyA. Built more seats each day?B. Lied about the sellouts?C. Started counting people twice?

1 Comments:

I have heard a ton of Michael Kay's YES Show during the day. The show is half gossiping and arguing and bullying the sidekicks such as Ruocco, Rosenberg and Rothenberg, who are all less informed than Michael Kay and Don. The other half of the show is ALL HYPOTHETICAL CONVERSATIONS. Mike Francesca as arrogant as he is, his ENTIRE SHOW IS FACTS, and he knows his stuff. Michael Kay and Don LaGreca both start every opinion with "What if he was to do this? What would you think about that? Then mix in a semi-opinion, then back to another hypothetical, "What if he would have done this!!" Just STATE YOUR OPINIONS and don't worry if the YES network fires you. Don LaGreca just rants and raves and drones on for 5 minutes finding exhaustingly-long ways to say simple things.

The biggest problem with Michael Kay is that he is so overly loyal and subservient to the Yankees that his entire being is devoted to them, and within minutes, his talk always inevitably comes back to "The Yankees" no matter what. As a Yankee announcer, Kay says the word "Yankee" literally every 5-10 seconds, even when it is not needed. I can understand when he has to read promos but he incessantly uses the word Yankees CONSTANTLY which YES loves.

He spends soooo much time promoting and building up the Yankees organization in a million ways. His entire being is focused on "Don't screw up my Yankees thing" His YES show and CenterStage both are super-focused on the Yankees REGARDLESS of whether or not it is a Yankee network. Every single thing Kay does, says, thinks, feels, is all YANKEES. All he is, when you break it down, is just a pawn in promoting the Yankees, despite him denying this on-air.

His show is not the worst out there, but it is only mainly good for gossip and light sports-talk. There are wayyy better sports talk shows around with hosts who have an ACTUAL OPINION, unlike Michael and Don and their clueless sidekicks they cycle through. Without the Yankees needing Kay as a YANKEE PROMOTER to BUILD HYPE, God knows where Michael Kay would be, and I doubt he would have any legitimate sports talk show. EVERY SINGLE SPORTS TALK HOST on NY1 which probably pays nothing, are wayyyy more knowledgable about sports than anyone on Michael Kay show.

I have nothing against Michael Kay and find some of his thoughts on life interesting, but I don't need to hear Yankees hype come out of his mouth every 10 seconds and it would help if he had an ACTUAL OPINION on something once in a while. He can't have an opinion because he is too afraid to be fired by the Yankees, which would mean, every gig he has. He works hard but he also is clueless about sports compared to most hosts on WFAN, NY1, FSNY, etc.

And all his supposed opinions or criticisms of Yankees players, managers, coaches, etc. are ONLY WAYS to blind people to the fact that his bread and butter is PROMOTE YANKEES PROMOTE YANKEES. So many people more deserving of his job, money and career. Michael Kay HIMSELF is average or slightly below-average on his own, and his sports knowledge is not even as good as any NY1 hosts. Kay deserves the type of talk show Russ Salsberg had on channel 9 or 11 all those years ago, brief and in a small market. 5 hours of Michael Kay plus 125 Yankee games plus Center Stage with his idiotic questions is ABSURD.