"Can I have a cr**py magazine that I'll probably eat when I'm bored, with an even cr**pier choke hazard toy inside it for £6 mummy?

"Can I have 369 bananas mummy?

"Can I have four packs of Kinder Eggs mummy?

"Shut the hell up! Can I have my bladder control back that you both took when you shot out? You thieving little kids! No I can't!

"Within two minutes of stepping inside, you're approximately £10 down already, you're hiding behind the cereal having an anxiety attack, popping PRN Propranolol from your bag, whilst carrying a s****y magazine, 369 bananas, and watching your three-year-old totally lose her s**t on the floor because you won't buy her every Kinder Egg from the shelves!

"If you choose to go alone on the very rare occasion you have no kids, bloody Doreen's always out and she WILL mess with your day.

"Everybody knows Aldi is a one way system, you go in, then up and down the aisles in a one way system until you get to Turbo Tracey's till at the end when you need another Propranolol! If you get to the milk and realise you forgot bread, tough! You're screwed. You have to go back to the beginning and round again! It's the unwritten rule, yes?

"No, not Doreen. She's a bloody rebel!

"She cuts across all the aisles without checking her blind spots like the b****rd stig in a Bugatti and nearly takes you out, all for a pack of part cooked crusty cobs that she can't even bloody chew!

"Then you're left with a choice. Should I politely say 'go on love, you're ok', or do I smash her in the back of the ankles with the trolley, blame a random three-year-old and run like hell? Depends where I am in the month, Do one Doreen!

Stock picture of Aldi

"So now you're done, you know you've forgotten almost everything you came for but think, screw it I'd rather die than go round again. You load your items on the belt, and Turbo Tw***ing Trace is after an olympic gold medal in food scanning. F**k me. She's like f**king Robo cop slinging it all through whilst you slowly and ever so silently have a nervous breakdown inside and yet another social anxiety attack.

"Never shop at Aldi you have been warned."

The brutally honest Facebook post had been shared over 8,000 times and has won the hearts of fed up parents all over the country.

So next time you're shopping at Aldi and forget the bread, spare a thought and start the course again, don't be like Doreen...