Rejected at a Swinger Party | Advice for the First Time Swinger

It’s fun to look into swinger events and fantasize about what they might be like, but taking that leap into physically attending one can be intimidating AF. Everyone is afraid of getting rejected at a swinger party, especially at the beginning when all your insecurities tend to surface. You might worry that everyone is super attractive — like, inhumanly so — and you’ll get scoffed at for even showing up.

Or worse, maybe you’ll get all the attention you want… and have no idea what you’re doing. Yikes!

Okay, let’s take a deep breath. Swinging, when done right, is a lot more chill than you might think. Here are some facts to help calm those racing thoughts (and hopefully get your heart racing later…)

It’s Supposed to be Fun

Everyone who goes to swinger clubs was in your shoes once. We’ve all asked the same questions and worried that we might not be cut out for the lifestyle due to body shame, false expectations, jealousy, etc.

Exploring the lifestyle means facing off with some of your deepest insecurities. It means getting out of your comfort zone and learning to appreciate — or at the very least, accept — the things about yourself that you might not be in love with. It means putting yourself out there and realizing that yes, you will be turned down from time to time. It’s terrifying.

And that’s part of what makes it so great.

Through swinging, you learn quickly that taking rejection is a skill, and once you master it, there’s little else you can’t handle. You (and your partner/s if you have any) will gain confidence that you didn’t know you had. You’ll learn to trust others and yourself a little more. You’ll get better at asking for what you want.

You’ll also learn that people, at the end of the day, are just people. We’re all a little uncomfy with our bodies. We’re all just hoping to smash some people who will help us forget that for a while, and sometimes that will mean getting rejected. But we don’t want to hurt anyone and vice versa. We’re just looking to have fun and make some memories while we still can — life is short!

You Don’t Have to be “Perfect”

Swingers come in all shapes and sizes, including yours. They’re young and old, fat and skinny, queer and straight, rich and struggling to get by, etc. As long as you’re friendly and keep an open mind, you’re sure to find some partners you vibe with for most of the events you go to.

That being said, there will always be THAT couple who thinks they’re the best thing since the vibrator was invented just because they happen to have abs and a bougie ride. Believe it or not, these people tend to do worse at lifestyle events simply because of their attitude (which seasoned swingers can spot from a mile away).

It’s one thing to be picky about who you play with, but if you’re pushy, arrogant, or expectant, you’ll quickly earn a bad rep in the community. Don’t be a dick head!

It’s Okay to Get Rejected

Like we said, it’s going to happen no matter who you are. Everyone has different tastes and personalities. You can look like you just walked off the cover of Cosmo, but not everyone is into that. You will strike out sometimes. This doesn’t mean that you’re ugly or unworthy or that you have a lame personality. It just means you happened to attend an event where no one was quite feeling you and vice versa.