How to Grow You Heart by Giving it Away

I talk to a lot of foster and adoptive moms. I’ve been struck lately by the battle that we are all in. The opponents are different; ADHD, sleep disruptions, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, screaming, rages, rebellion, mis-diagnosis, the system and everyone in it! etc, but the resulting frustrations look a lot a like.

As foster and adoptive moms, we burn the candle on both ends (and even in the middle) when we try to balance family, friends, ministry, expectations and calling. I have found myself in a wilderness of sorts lately. I have so much that I need to do with the Heart Gallery, the Adoption Coalition, the book, and the CALL; all things I feel unquestionably called to do. And on the other hand, I also have a husband, a newly married son and daughter-in-law, 2 kids home from college for the holidays :), a 15-year-old playing basketball, an active 7-year-old who rarely sits still and a 2-year-old with ‘anger issues’ who all of a sudden has disrupted sleep.

Bottom line….I’m tired. I want to crawl in my bed and sleep. I feel flat and unmotivated. I am battling the enemy and at this point my victories are outnumbered by my defeats.

Then I look around me. I read Katie’s blog (Amazima Ministries on sidebar) and mourned her returning her precious daughter to her birth family after many months. And my dear friend, Caryl, has two babies in her home. They are both precious but each presents a different scenario; one is 19 months old, is into everything and has a high-pitched scream that literally will pierce your ears; the other is a one-year-old with special needs. I don’t know how many hours of therapy they have each week between the two of them. (Not to mention, Caryl has a husband and four children) Caryl is tired. She is ‘weary in well-doing’- and yet even as I type this, I hear her voice uttering her favorite saying “put your big girl panties on and deal with it!” Okay, so not much spiritual in that, but it does ring true!

God didn’t say that motherhood, or adoption, or foster care would be comfortable, or easy, or even fun for that matter. What He does say is if we “cast all of our cares on Him, He will care for us”, and “come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest”, and “my God shall supply all of your needs according to the riches in glory in Christ Jesus’, and “He who promised is faithful”, and on and on. (PTL!)

He wants us to count our blessings and when we do; Wow- our hearts are tendered by the sum of all He has done. We cannot do this on our own. We won’t experience joy or peace or patience or anything else worthwhile unless we lay down ourselves and pick up what He has commissioned us and trusted us to do. The reality is difficult sometimes, but the reward is unfathomable when we look at our situation through His eyes. He will actually use you and me to make a difference! And the truth is we will be the ones to be blessed.

In this new year, 2011, I pray that God will take each of us where we are and move us beyond our wildest dreams. That through our faults and frailties, He will be glorified. That we will humble ourselves and literally be used to rock the world of foster care and adoption…that by believing the truth that “with God all things are possible”, we will think outside of the box and find families for every child who needs one…every one.

Oh I relate some to your friend with the 19 month old that is an expert shrieker.. I have a foster son the same age.. with the same talent.. plus his 6yr old, RAD”ish” brother, and my husband, and 3 bio kids. I’m tired too… but amazingly alive in this experience. I laghed at the “put on your big girl panties and deal with it” comment b/c I LITERALLY say that to myself, and to others, daily! You just gotta do what ya gotta do.. and you’re right. God never said this would be a glamorous, sweet, life enriching journey. But we know that since we are being obedient to him, and doing this for HIS glory and for THEIR sake, that he will hold us up, and it will be the most spiritually enriching journey we could ever travel on.

Thank you – tonight I am tired, but somehow each day He gives me enough to carry on……. just when I need it…… people say “I don’t know how you do this alone” (I am divorced since adopting my boys) – But I am NOT alone – sometimes I forget or need a reminder to let go, lean on Him, and give it all over to Him……. and he provides. Thank you for sharing – I needed that too!!

Oh sweet sister! Don’t forget that sometimes you need to delegate! I’m off on Friday’s and would LOVE to help with whatever. You just name it!

On a different note. I started 2011 with a 1,000 gifts journal. Journaling things that God has gifted me with that otherwise go unnoticed. If you haven’t done so already check out this blog http://www.aholyexperience.com Ann is an amazing writer and every time I read her posts I feel the Father reaching speaking through her. He is healing my soul in ways I never thought possible. I am recovering OLD wounds, ones I thought were gone. He has become my salve!

A funny though, I looked in my journal today and 90% of my “gifts” were FOOD! Houston, I think we have a problem!