Don't take what I am about to say, as being mean or that I did not love my Dad. This was the way it was for us.

My first memory is setting on mom's lap and her reading to me. This light kept flashing. For years I could not figure out what this was, until one day when I was a teenager and I came home at the beginning of a thunderstorm and found mom sitting in the corner of the couch with Mary in your lap reading a book. Then it hit me what this early memory was. Mom was reading to me during a thunderstorm. Everyone who knew mom, knew she was terrified of thunderstorms.

I have some memory's of just me and mom. Then while we lived on the farm outside of Greenville, Tennessee, Debra showed up. We moved around alot.

I remember the first separtion. Things got so bad in the fall of 1960, while we were living in Union, South Carolina that mom called Granddad Haddock (her father) and he sent her the money to go to Clarksville, Tennessee. We caught the bus. Debra always sit in mom's lap, but I got to sit in the seat beside her unless the bus was full and then I sit on her right leg.

Uncle Luke (mom's brother Luther) met us at the bus station and took us to Granddad's house on Golf Club Lane. Dad did send enough money that mom rented a house a few doors down, from Granddad. Dad did not show up till just before Christmas 1961. I had already started to school.

Dad moved us out to Cumberland Heights. Things got so bad, that Uncle Luke rented us a house on the creek on Attaway Road. Between Cumberland Heights and Attaway Road, mom learned to keep cooking oil and 5 pounds of flour and 5 pounds of cornmeal. Attaway Road is where the rabbits showed up. Uncle Luke, built the cages and brought the rabbits and show me how to kill and clean them. When times got bad we always had rabbit to eat with cornbread and rabbit gravy.

After we moved upon the hill on Attaway Road things got better. Uncle Jim (mom's Uncle Jim) let dad run his service station. Things were good. This was the best that I remember our lives ever being.

In the fall of 1970 dad went back to his old ways and Uncle Jim took the station away from him. Dad packed his bags and left for South Carolina. This was the second separtion. In May of 1971 Dad called an ask mom if she wanted to come to South Carolina and she said yes. For the life of me I never have understood why, so off to Spartanburg, South Carolina we went.

I got a job at a service station and the man paid me in cash. I would walk in the door and just hand the money over to mom. After all there were mouths to feed and dad was drinking his money away. I done this right up till the time I got married.

After Mary finished high school, things got so bad that I moved mom and dad into my house. Got dad on Social Security Retirement and helped them get an apartment in public housing not far from were we lived.

After Dad was killed on December 22, 1997, mom just seemed lonely.

I moved in to take care of mom on July 1, 2009 when she started getting sick. I took care of her till her death on January 31, 2017.

Mom was the backbone of our family. No matter how bad things got, I could always count on my mom being there for me.

No one will ever understand how much I will miss my mom. She was my rock.

It has been one week since Mary kicked me out of the apartment, that I called home for seven years and eight months. She just put me out on the street. Some thanks for taking care of mom for seven years and eight months.

I am still having a problem with getting my mind wrapped around what happened. Why did she have to be so evil. I did not get, not one thank you from either of my sisters for taking care of mom. I just don't understand.

Time to start looking for a job.

In the kind of work I have done, most of my life. The jobs came to me. I did not go looking for work. Now I have to learn to look for empolyment. You know that I have never interviewed for a job. I have always been the interviewor, not the interviewee.

Some of you know that Mary and I and Mary and Debra had a problem the weekend before Mom passed away. Here is my side of the story.

On Friday January 27, 2017 I called Mary and ask her why she was thinking about moving Mom home. Note here: Hospice had already started taking care of Mom. As soon as I ask the question Mary started yelling at me about Debra telling me what she was up to. As soon as she took a big enough breath, I told her it was not Debra who told me. Then she started yelling at me about Chrissy (Debra's youngest) telling me.

She contenued to yell at me, but it was now directed at me. She said this is why I did not want you to know what I was up to, because I knew you where going to start something. What she was saying got so bad that I hung up on her. Well she just called back and continued to yell at me. I hung up a second time and she just called back and contenued to yell and scream at me.

She told me that she was the Leasehold on Mom's apartment and that she wanted me out today. I told her that mom had paid the rent till the end of the month and I would leave Tuesday and I did.

I am not use to calling someone to ask a question and get what I got from Mary and to get run out of the place I have called home for seven years and eight months without any warning. I will not speak to Mary for a long time. This is why I am on the street.

I took care on Mom for seven years eight months and this is the thanks that I get. My sisters gave me no help till the day before Mom went to the hospital. They did not want to be bothered with Mom, but I have no regerts. I gave Mom the best care I could give her.

I don't know what the problem between Debra and Mary is, but Toney (Debra's Husband) told me that Debra will not speak to Mary for a very long time if ever.

I don't know what Mary's problem is or was, but she has got Debra and me not wanting to talk to her. Mary can be a pain in the rear, but this was just plain stuiped.

Yes, we got her as close to the house as possible and it is on Debra’s way home, so she can stop by everyday.

Here is what happen. I took Mom to Dr. Shah on Friday the thirteenth for a scheduled appointment. Her heart rate was thirty, so Dr. Shah admitted her to the ICU. Her heart rate in the ICU feel to twenty-nine, before it started back up. She did not have stroke, but she is having some of the same symptoms. Her short term memory is not working like it should. People come to see her and she does not remember. She does not know where she is and she does not remember being in the hospital.

I am still holding out some hope that she comes home, but she is under end-of-life care at White Oak.

Mom has been admitted to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at Mary Black Hospital. She is in room 15. Sorry, but only Debra, Mary and me can get updates on her. I will keep you informed.

Debra came Friday morning to help Mom get dressed and I told her that Mom would not come back home. I took her to see Dr. Shah (heart doctor) Friday morning. In the office her heart rate was 34. Her blood pressure was 124/60. When I left the hospital Friday night her heart rate had fallen to 30 and her blood pressure was down to 115/50.

Mom has just finished the latest round of doctor’s appointments. We did talk about her forgetfulness. She has had a problem with not knowing what time of the day it is for about two years now. She is now having a problem remembering what day it is. I have been helping her with her meds for a year now. Mom is just slipping away. Some days she can talk for hours about what happened years ago and some days she don’t seem to remember anything.

If you haven’t seen mom in a year or so, she is bent over more. She is unstable on her feet. She may seem to be off in another world, sometimes when you talk to her. She has a hard time following conversations.

I don’t check my e-mails, but once a week now. I don’t want to leave her alone for long. I am afraid that she just may walk off one day or fall.

Been sometime since I have updated you on Mom. It has been a long winter and Mom was sick. She just had a four month check-up and she is doing O.K. She told Dr. Edwards that she has never been sick a day in her life. He did not say anything, but just looked at me. She is sick and Dr. Edwards nor I can get her to understand how sick she is. She is using her cane when she is not with me. When she is with me she uses me as her walker. We have talked about getting a wheelchair. All she says is no, but she is beginning to walk like a drunk.

She went to see Dr. Gwinn (eye doctor) and he order a Field Vision Test and said that he wants her to have one every year from now on. The test shows that she only sees what is directly in front of her. She has no side vision at all in either eye. She is going blind, but Dr. Gwinn want take a guess as to how long it is going to take. She told me the other day that she can not tell how big a drop off is. She walks up to the edge of the curb to step down and she can not tell if it is one inch or ten feet, so I am having to help step down. Sometimes it is like guiding a blind person.

Mom does not see this Doctor, but as needed. She is walking with a cane now.

Dermatologist: Dr. Blair Clementson

It has been almost a year since the golf ball size tumor was remove from her forehead. Dr. Clementson is pleased that there is no sign of it’s return. Mom has an appointment in July and if the tumor has not return and the area where the tumor was still looks good this will be her last time she will need to see the dermatologist,. unless there is a sign of skin cancer again.

Eye Doctor: Dr. Todd Gwin

As long as Mom uses her eye drops to keep her eye pressures down the chances of her going blind are low. She see Dr. Gwin every three months.

General Practitioner: Dr. Michael Edwards

Well here we go with another new doctor. Mom has had a problem with her blood being thick since before Thanksgiving. The problem is that she like greens. I don’t care what kind of greens it is she likes them (collared, turnip, etc.). Her blood work came back ok this time. Her insulin has been reduced to 12 units of a morning and 15 units at night. It was 15 units morning and 22 units at night.

Kidney Doctor: Dr. Matt Lambert

Mom’s medications are causing problems with her kidneys, so the doctors are changing some of her medications or they are reducing the amount taken. The problem is that Mom thinks this is being done because the doctors she has had were over medicating her. I have not yet got her to understand that she is not being over medicated, but she is in the early stages of kidney failure.

Cardiologist: Dr. Ritesh (Jay) Shah

Mom saw Dr. Reardon last fall an he said nothing about a heart problem, other that the congestive heart failure that she has had for twenty years. She sees Dr. Edwards for the first time and he ask if she had been told that she has a heart murmur. The upper left heart value is not opening all the way. Dr. Shah says that he wants to way till it gets worse before he replaces it.