Something wrong with me?

I don't know why, but I always feel like something is wrong with me, mentally or physically! Like, if one day I'm feeling sad, it means I have depression, or if I get a bruise, and I don't know how, it means I have cancer and it is really annoying. I also hate being touched! I do touch people though because I feel like I'm being impolite. I won't let my family touch me or even my friends. When I have to speak in front of an audience my hands start shaking and I start stuttering really bad. I usually feel very overwhelmed and I'm some what anti social. I rather stay home and do literally nothing than go out with my few friends. I don't even like texting my friends. I absolutely hate when people tell me they love me, and I hate saying I love you back. I usually say I love you but I don't mean it and it feels very uncomfortable. I don't know why but I feel unloved and I know my family loves me and not to brag but I know I'm the favorite because I'm an A student and don't do anything wrong (I stay at home). Does anyone have this? I'm worried that maybe I have suppressed childhood memories and that's why I hate being touched, am antisocial and nervous in big crowds?

You just have social anxiety. You would be shocked how many people do. Most social anxiety has to do with the "Me, myself and I" complex. You are worried about making someone feel differently toward you. Children who grow up with very few friends have trouble dealing with confrontation beyond a one on one. Love yourself and accept yourself and all your flaws, and as you age, you will over come it.

I see somewhat of where you are coming from. I only ever hug my sisters and I hate people touching my knees especially. Over time I realised I would get quieter and quieter and then couldn't really talk with people anymore. Didn't know how to have a conversation with anyone even with family. So I suggest you try to get help ASAP before things get worse. You need to take baby steps. Try going to a group or reading self help books. I know this sounds harsh but do you really like your friends? I realised that my friends were nothing like myself and as we grew older had very little of the same interests. You could try putting yourself up for courses you enjoy like cooking or sewing or looking for something you haven't done before for one day a week just to get yourself out there again. But prepare yourself first. I hope you get the help you need. And things work out for you

You afraid in social situations and you push people away because of the unconscious beliefs you have about yourself and others. It sounds like you have issues with being vulnerable and exposing yourself to others. I would have similar problems, I would mumble all the time and I would try to run from social situations all the time. Hopefully I can articulate the ideas that helped me improve in these aspects. Letting go of the fear of being vulnrable is a process that takes time but it can be done.

1. Understand where this fear comes from2. Take action

1. This fear comes from your underlying beliefs. Even though you might not be aware of it, you probably unconsciously believe that you have to be perfect for others to like you, that if you say something wrong people will think that you are stupid and will think less of you, that you are fundamentally imperfect (so you have to be constantly monitoring yourself, doing something so that this doesn't shine through. You don't think that you can simply relax and still be ok)... These beliefs were acquired as you were growing up, in school, through your parents, your peers, ... As a child you misinterpret people's criticism and anger towards you as an indication that you are imperfect just by being yourself. These beliefs are unconscious, like you say, you don't know why you are nervous. They are stored in you in the form of this nervousness/fear you feel and in the feelings of unworthiness you speak of.

2. You can only let go of these beliefs by taking action. You have to receive experiences where you will feel this nervousness, they are a great opportunity to experience the fear and to tell yourself that it is just your body trying to protect you from being rejected by your peers. This might be a challenge if you are harsh on yourself and you beat yourself up for feeling that way. But there is no better recipe for failure than making your problems 10 times heavier by telling yourself that you shouldn't have them. Don't beat yourself up for it. It is there, don't resist it, understand it. It is your body telling you to act so people don't see what you for what you think you are. I recommend that you seek out your opportunities, so that you can rewrite your unconscious opinion of yourself, and to see that you are OK just by being yourself, and that people are welcoming of you as you are. You will come to see things for how they are, and not like your inner fear sees them as.

If anyone finds a cure please let me know. Saying don't stress don't be jealous is like saying dont move out of the way of that speeding but. It's so hard not to loose it. There must be more of us out there