Yesterday I was diagnosed with genital herpes and here is my story. I am a 19 year old student at Bloomsburg University of PA. I have become quite a drinker since high school and have been permiscuous and negligent. I slept with someone I trusted, and he told me he was recently checked and is clean. Two days later I started getting painful symptoms. For some reason my initial outbreak was so severe that I went to the hospital. I have sores on my anus, butt, and inside/outside of vagina. I also feel sick and can’t get rid of this awful headache. The headache is like the worst I’ve ever had. I can’t even use the bathroom without crying from the pain of urine and wiping. The part that bothers me is that the man who gave me this disease was my “friend” and he was super nice and caring and I felt like he was genuine. But I’m reality, he was just trying to get into my pants. I feel violated. And dirty. And scared. The love of my life & I are in an open relationship and we have been together since high school. Idk how I’m going to tell him. I hate this. I’m scared of medicine and illnesses so it makes it even worse. I’m gonna try to look at it in a different light as time goes on. I want to learn from my mistake and hopefully get forgiveness from the man I love and have a monogamous relationship. I really hope he will look past the herpes and still be with me. I also will need to quite drinking so much. I feel like I deserved this. But idek what to think or feel yet.

Oh sweet girl. Let me just say that all of this resonates with me. I was diagnosed in March of 2018 after I started dating an ex (whom I knew was really controlling and had some seriously dark energy), and I too felt very overwhelmed, angry, violated, etc. And my initial outbreak was very painful as well, it was everything I could do to even make it off the couch to get the kids to daycare in the mornings, and it was extremely painful to do anything. BUT….and I want you to hear this….in this diagnosis I have found so much SOUL HEALING. I am learning how to honor my body, and respect and love myself. I have learned how to listen to my body as I learn to identify my triggers. I too rarely doctor for anything (because I don’t need to) and to receive this diagnosis and start on the anti-virals (and find a dosage that was helpful to me) was very overwhelming. But you will learn how to manage symptoms, and you will find wisdom in the wounding in this. It is a journey deep into self love, self forgiveness, and self care. I’m so glad that you found this place to land where we can love on, encourage and come alongside of you. Sending so much love, healing and light your way today. XOXOXO