Addicted-To-Recoveryhttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com
a blog about sobriety, recovery, life-Tue, 26 Sep 2017 21:32:13 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngAddicted-To-Recoveryhttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com
Soul Foodhttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2016/01/21/soul-food/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2016/01/21/soul-food/#respondThu, 21 Jan 2016 16:33:09 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=866]]>I’ve been thinking a lot the last few weeks about love. Friend love, colleague love, true love. It’s no secret that I place a lot of importance on the relationships in my life. I am very intentional about who I surround myself with and who I spend my time with. I want to be around people who nourish my soul, who I can learn from, who I can admire, and who make me strive to be better.

I am so blessed in so many ways and I never want to forget how much gratitude I have for the people who have been placed in my life. I would love to list them one by one, but they probably wouldn’t appreciate that, lol. The important thing I want to say is, there is nothing more important to me than food for my soul. And when I see my friends for coffee, or my colleagues who I consider friends, or share a conversation with my boyfriend, I want them to know how truly important those moments are to me. To share time and space, to share ourselves, our stories, and our histories. This is what allows me to mature and grow. This is what allows me to learn and learn to be a better person everyday.

To all those people in my life, I love you and I thank you for every moment you have allowed me to share with you. And for every piece of yourself you have been brave enough to share with me. Thank you for feeding and nurturing my soul as I stumble through this journey, sometimes with grace, and sometimes not.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2016/01/21/soul-food/feed/0849157727344a7a90bcd2f193ea5dc82addictedtorecoveryPractice Makes Perfecthttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2015/09/19/practice-makes-perfect/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2015/09/19/practice-makes-perfect/#respondSat, 19 Sep 2015 15:14:30 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=860]]>One of the things I have an awareness of in my twisty little addicted brain, is my ability to be so hard on myself. As they say, we are our own worst critic… or something like that.

Over the years of sobriety and recovery one of the things I have come to know is that I am not a broken person. I am not f*ed up beyond repair, or defective, or crazy, or any of the other things I thought about myself. The truth is, I spent a lot of years practicing really bad habits and I got really good at it.

I was a masterful liar and manipulator. I was a great actor when I needed to be. I was a very dedicated drunk with great commitment to perfecting my drinking skills. I was a great big baby who would throw a fit the very second I did not get my way and I was stubborn to a degree that I could be unbearable. These are the skills I practiced from the time I was a teenager, all the way through my twenties, and into my thirties. That is a lot of dedication and a lot of practice.

What I think is funny, is that when we get sober it’s like we have these expectations of ourselves to be all fixed. Like when I stopped guzzling tequila all of a sudden all of my bad habits, behaviors, and character defects would magically vanish. It simply is not realistic.

As a sober person, I have to learn new skills. First, I have to allow some space to be teachable. I have to be willing to learn new skills. Then, I need people with experience to teach me these new skills and new ways of doing things. Then, I have to practice.

If I look back over my years of drinking I can clearly see that how I drank at the end was very different from how I drank at the beginning. In the beginning a few drinks went a long way, by the end I drank 3 at a time. All of those years in between I was practicing.

It has taken me years of practice to get good at my new skills. I have practiced autonomy rather than co-dependence; honesty rather than lying; sober instead of drunk; acceptance rather than judgmental. But that doesn’t mean that I am always good at all my new skills. It means that I am practicing and sometimes I will make mistakes. The important thing is that I continue to practice and become better at being the person I want to be.

Practice makes perfect.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2015/09/19/practice-makes-perfect/feed/05adf813b54e7e448e7ed342d22ee3254addictedtorecovery5adf813b54e7e448e7ed342d22ee3254A Heart Full of Sobriety and Gratitudehttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2015/08/03/a-heart-full-of-sobriety-and-gratitude/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2015/08/03/a-heart-full-of-sobriety-and-gratitude/#commentsMon, 03 Aug 2015 14:58:35 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=856]]>This past week has been incredible. I spent three days in Santa Barbara seeing old friends and colleagues and making new friends that I look forward to connecting with in the future. The feedback I have received from my training curriculum and Pop Talk has been amazing and truly keeps my passion alive.

I am so blessed to have real friendships with professionals across the country. People I have met through the course of my career who I trust and admire, who I call for guidance when I am considering making changes in my life and in my professional journey. People who care for me genuinely and always take the time to spend with me and talk with me. In the last couple of months, I have gotten to see and spend time with each of these people who I consider my own personal Board of Directors. And not only have I gotten to see them at conferences or work, or in their homes, but I have gotten to have those heart-to-heart conversations that, for me, are life changing.

When I left Santa Barbara on Wednesday last week I was driving down to Orange County to train staff at a treatment center. I lived in Hollywood for many many years and CA holds a very special place in my heart. I try to spend as much time as possible on the West coast and my business has blessed me with that opportunity. I have a wonderful friend who owns a treatment center in Hollywood, so I called him to see if he had some time to hang out. This person is not only an amazing and kind human being, but he operates his business with integrity and authenticity and his life is about helping others. Exactly the kind of person I love to surround myself with.

I met him at his treatment center, we had coffee and spent time catching up, we went and had dinner and talked about business and how we want to grow, we talked about our ethics and how important they are. I loved each and every moment we spent together and I always feel like I learn so much from him. Eventually I had to leave to make the hour drive to Orange County and as I was driving I found all of my thoughts were dripping in gratitude. Gratitude for my life, my business, my future. But more importantly, gratitude for having people who love and care about friendship and who value taking the time to nurture that connection and understand how fulfilling and wonderful it is.

On Friday night, I called another friend to see if he had time to hang out. It turned into yet another incredible night. We had dinner and caught up on all the regular life things, then we went to the beach and sat in the sand watching the waves crash against the shore. The sky was dark, the waves were enormous, and my friend and I got to talk about our real life stuff. Our fears and our dreams, our revelations and our mistakes. Spending time, taking time, to make a true connection with someone important to me.

I also had the opportunity to have a couple of days off between training regimens so I decided to drive over to Phoenix to see one of my BFFs. He was my dearest friend all the years I lived in Hollywood, we were inseparable and I love him as though he is a part of me. He just had his second baby Thursday, he has another son, and he has a wife that may be the best wife on the planet, and his family was my second family for many years. Although I only got to stay around for a mere 24 hours, I have never been so happy. There are so many things you miss when you don’t see someone everyday and there are so many milestones he has accomplished with his wife and family, and I don’t get to share those moments with him since I live across the country. But I had 24 hours to be in his home, to hold his brand new son and revel in his soft perfect skin, to play catch with his 3 year old, and to connect with his wife who is so important to me.

On the six hour drive back to Orange County I was going over my week in my head. I get very homesick when my dog doesn’t travel with me. He is my true partner in crime. He goes most everywhere with me, he has his own chair in my office right next to mine and he lays there faithfully every moment I am working. When I leave the home office to see clients, he goes with me to that office also. He usually travels with me too. And when he is not with me I naturally feel a little sad and a little lonely. But this week, although I miss him, my heart and soul feel so full of love and gratitude. Almost every moment of this trip has been filled with laughing, learning, making deals, looking toward my future and all the promise it holds. I have had hours of real connection with real friends, true friends.

Many people don’t realize that I am a total introvert. I am introspective, I spend a lot of time alone with my dog, I love to read and write and research. I have a thirst for knowledge that is exhausting and I want to read about and know about everything in my industry. I want to be the best person I can be, the best sober person I can be, the best trainer I can be, and the best coach I can be. For me, that means I have to have the knowledge. They say the nature of an introvert is we crave deep connection in all conversations with all people; that is why we get overwhelmed in social situations with a lot of people because we want deep connection with individuals rather than surface socialization in big numbers. This entire week has been filled with deep connection for me. And the realization I had, on my drive back to Orange County from Phoenix, was that I would not have any of these opportunities if I weren’t sober. I owe my entire life to my sobriety and all the people who teach me how to be better and stay sober everyday.

I didn’t necessarily make a choice one day to get sober. I had an event that left me bloody and broken and almost cost someone their life. Alcohol was no longer an option for me. In that moment, knowing I would never take another drink, I could have never known what life had in store for me. I never could have imagined the person I would grow into and the professional journey the universe had in store for me. And as I sit, feeling so full of sobriety and gratitude, I realize that the only way I got to be this person is because of all of those people through the years who have taken the time to spend with me, talk with me, teach me, and nurture me. These friends and colleagues who allow me the time to have deep connection, who allow me to learn from them, and who fill me up until my cup is overflowing.

It’s all about love and gratitude, and I feel so grateful to recognize it.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2015/08/03/a-heart-full-of-sobriety-and-gratitude/feed/2downloadaddictedtorecoveryAddicted to Fearhttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/addicted-to-fear/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/addicted-to-fear/#respondWed, 04 Jun 2014 15:59:01 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=851]]>My journey over the past several years has been very clear. It has not been easy or without adversity, but I was focused on the end result and I have been resolute about what I was working to achieve; I have worked very hard and my path has been clear to me. Currently, I find myself in this time and place in life that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Each piece of my life is turned around and upside down, and different from my norm and comfort zone. I am in a good place where I know that everything will be okay, I am smart, capable, and driven. But all of my life domains have changed in the recent months and I am feeling some insecurity personally, financially, and professionally. At the same time, I feel more confident about my future than ever before.

The past few weeks I have been lost in fear and desperately trying to get back into my spiritual place of peace and comfort. My business is growing, my future is limitless, I have a man who loves and supports me, a family whose commitment and love for me is endless, I am educated, able-bodied, and blessed. Although this instant feels unbalanced, I want to focus on gratitude and remember the ways I am blessed. The universe will take care of me and lead me in the right direction through prayer, meditation, and visualization. I want to practice these principles for the betterment of my future, my life, and my relationship and I believe this moment of discomfort and fear has been placed in front of me to remind me that gratitude is necessary and perhaps my thoughts have been misplaced.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/06/04/addicted-to-fear/feed/0img_shop_rocksleft_coinaddictedtorecoveryOverland Park Addiction Professional at Alta Mirahttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/04/27/overland-park-addiction-professional-at-alta-mira/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/04/27/overland-park-addiction-professional-at-alta-mira/#respondMon, 28 Apr 2014 02:16:44 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=847]]>Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio spent time at the hotel Alta Mira after their wedding in the 1950’s. Their room is quaint, with a small balcony and views that will easily take your breath away. Now Alta Mira Recovery Center, this historical landmark is rich with history from its time as a hotel in the small but robust town of Sausalito, California.

The first thing that stands out at Alta Mira is the relaxed nature of the facility. It is a challenging time in a person’s life when they come through those doors full of pain and fear of the unknown, and the staff is not only qualified, but also friendly and experienced. Alta Mira places great value on their staff and you can see it in every detail. Alta Mira made a commitment to themselves and their clients that they would always strive to build exactly the right team of professionals to care for every detail of someone’s treatment. They are not making cuts when times are tough but instead recognizing the importance of the big picture and creating continuity and dependability for clients, a commitment to treatment and honoring the passion of Alta Mira.

This facility boasts a medical and psychiatric staff second to none. When put together, this team of individuals is well rounded and beyond impressive. A doc with a prominent mental health background, ASAM certified physician whose list of credentials and accomplishments will make your head spin, a nursing staff for the detox unit that is on premise 24 hours a day 7 days a week, and an addiction psychiatrist who also works with the local VA with vast knowledge in trauma work. I could easily spend several pages boasting about the lovely admissions director who tries to answer every call- you will never get a recording or an off-site answering service when you call Alta Mira, a staff member fields every call personally. How about the food, you say? Incredible! I enjoyed a lunch that included salmon, grilled fresh asparagus, prime rib, and other fresh made healthy choices all created in the kitchen on premise. Nutrition is very important in this process of healing our bodies and minds, and healthy delicious choices are offered daily. And don’t get me started on the chef’s fresh blueberry scones…to die for…

Every client coming into Alta Mira will undergo a battery of tests that look at cognitive function, neuropsychology, and the individual’s symptoms. This allows a treatment program that is truly tailor-made for each person. This first round of testing is completed and a feedback session is provided for the client to explain the results in detail. Sometimes the family members are included to ensure a clear understanding for everyone. As we know, addiction affects every piece of our bodies and brains, and this level of testing gives great insight to each person and their specific behaviors, thought processes, and interpersonal struggles so each doctor, psychiatrist, and counselor can approach that person based on their specific needs rather than a cookie-cutter approach where every client is treated the same way.

A day in the life at Alta Mira includes individual work, exercise, yoga, goal setting, education, 12-step meeting participation, process groups, massage, and an evening wind-down which typically takes place outdoors overlooking the San Francisco Bay. There are opportunities for private rooms, however, most rooms are shared and each room is different. Some rooms are fully private sleep quarters and bathroom, some are semi-private with private sleeping quarters and shared bath, and the other rooms are non-private. This is a good fit for the busy executive, famous movie director, or leader of a foreign country and special needs for these busy and successful people are available for discussion as many accommodations can be tailored to the need of the individual.

A stay at Alta Mira starts at 30 days, but they are proud to say that the average length of stay has been growing continuously and the majority of clients decide to extend their stay to maximize their treatment. There is a great incentive to commit to a 90-day stay from the beginning as the cost is deeply discounted to encourage an up-front commitment. We all know that the longer someone stays in treatment the more help they receive and the better their opportunity for success. Alta Mira tries very hard to encourage a longer stay for the health and well-being of the client.

Overall, this is a top-notch facility with a staff that is second to none. Alta Mira takes the time to explore the person from the inside out and to provide them with the best tools available for a long, happy, and sober life.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/04/27/overland-park-addiction-professional-at-alta-mira/feed/038264_ca_94111_alta-mira-recovery-center_wdaaddictedtorecoveryPhilip Seymour Hoffman- Addiction & Overdosehttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/philip-seymour-hoffman-addiction-overdose/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/philip-seymour-hoffman-addiction-overdose/#respondTue, 04 Feb 2014 04:33:50 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=807]]>It is never easy, as a person in recovery, when addiction claims another life. You may think after so many years, so many deaths, so many headlines that it wouldn’t sting quite as badly. But it does, every single time, whether it is someone I know personally or not.

For me, as an addict, I feel a connection with other addicts that is unlike any other connection. We share a bond and an understanding of true evil that others will never know. Together, we fight this fight everyday. We pray for one another, we support one another, and we love each other because we know firsthand the pain and angst of being controlled by substance and losing the battle.

Although I never knew Philip Seymour Hoffman personally, I know him on a deeper level. I know too well the feeling of that craving, your addicted mind telling you its okay to do it one more time, maybe no one will ever know… just one more time… it’s okay. The truth is, for me and for every other addict, it is never okay.

This is a man that was clean and sober for more than two decades, and in a flash he lost his life. I got an email today asking me “Why did he choose to throw his life away?” I felt anger and heartbreak at the same time, and realized once again how little people understand addiction. This is not a choice that he made- he didn’t wake up yesterday and choose to die. There are three children left without a father and his companion of fifteen years is left without a partner. That is NOT the choice he made.

So I sit here contemplating choices, feeling heavy that one of my people lost his battle and wondering how I protect myself from this awful, conniving disease and wondering if we are ever safe. Feeling so incredibly sad for the loss and angry at relapse, and so endlessly grateful for everyday of my recovery and the opportunity to love the people around me.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/philip-seymour-hoffman-addiction-overdose/feed/0FILM-SUNDANCE-PHILIP_SEYMOUR_HOFFMAN_35383059addictedtorecoveryAlcoholic Birthday #8https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/alcoholic-birthday-8/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/alcoholic-birthday-8/#commentsWed, 08 Jan 2014 20:49:58 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=751]]>Somehow, another year has passed. Each one seems to fly by more quickly than the last and this one caught me by surprise.

I think it is very natural to be reflective on my sobriety birthday, I think most people are to some extent. Most years I sort of acknowledge my personal milestone, I get a couple of congratulatory text messages from people close enough to know what day it is, and I keep moving. In my early sober years I would always share my story at my homegroup but then I had several years that I didn’t celebrate it at all.

This year, I decided to share my story again. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for my life, amazed at the transformation, excitement for my future, and awe at how close I came to losing my life. The thing is, I never valued my life so it didn’t seem like a big deal back then. I know I have talked about this before, but when I was drunk I never thought about my future because I assumed I didn’t have one. I thought I would pass out one night and magically never wake up. Unfortunately, one night it became abundantly clear that, in my drunken journey, it was very likely that I was going to kill someone else before drinking killed me.

My life-changing, sobering event came late one night after many hours of drinking when I was driving home. On the freeway, at freeway speed, I passed out behind the wheel of my car. And yes, I crashed into an innocent person. Not only did I manage to change my life forever, but I had impacted another person’s life, in a very negative way.

This year, for some unknown reason, I have been thinking about that night alot. Obviously I was not in my proper state of mind, but I had so many light bulb moments that night. My sponsor always talks about seconds and inches, life is all about seconds and inches. Meaning that every tiny decision we make in every second of our day, in every movement we choose to make can change our lives for better or worse. That has never been more clear to me than the night of my accident. Literally in a split second my entire life was different.

I remember thinking, as I walked around the wreckage, dealing with police, being confused, bleeding, that there must be a different plan for me. As much as I drank and as reckless as I was with my life and my choices somehow I managed to survive. I don’t know how, but every night I passed out, I would wake up the next morning. And I was angry because of it. I desperately wanted it to be over.

It had never crossed my mind in all of my drunken insanity that I could possibly hurt another person.

And I don’t know why I am so sentimental about it this year. I think, partially because I can’t believe the person I used to be. It seems like an entirely different person and an entirely different life. I cannot connect that person from that night to the person I am right now. Luckily, I was the only person hurt. And I believe it was lucky that I got to carry those physical injuries with me in the beginning of my sobriety. It was my very embarrassing and public reminder of what I had done and of the importance of my choice to be sober.

Perhaps because my life is so different today I find myself incredulous thinking about how I was. Perhaps, in my sobriety I value my life because I have one. I get to get up each day and make conscious choices about my life and what I want it to be. I get to build a business, I get to grow as a person, I get to be a daughter, an aunt, a sister, a dog mom, a friend, a respected professional, and I get to be of service everyday of my life. Before sobriety, I just got to be drunk.

So grateful for these 8 years, so grateful for the 12 steps, and so grateful for my higher power giving me the willingness to do all of this because that is not the person I was. But it is, now, the person I am.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/alcoholic-birthday-8/feed/48addictedtorecoverySober Living Sober Workinghttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/sober-living-sober-working/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/sober-living-sober-working/#commentsWed, 23 Oct 2013 20:15:41 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/?p=698]]>The past several weeks have seemed like a blur. I have been in a state of mind that surpasses gratitude, and is more a state of awe. In awe at the blessings in my life, the change in my person, and the ability to look back over the past several years and recognize how the dots all connect.

Many of you know that a couple of months ago I made a huge change in my life. It was a risk and I felt a tiny bit of fear, a tiny bit of financial insecurity, and a whole lot of excitement. But it is difficult to take a leap of faith no matter how strong your faith is. There is always an element of unknown and that can be uncomfortable. I was, however, faced with some serious consequences because of the choices I had made to work multiple jobs 80 hours a week, be a full-time student, and try to maintain some sort of life. I did this for a few years and it started to catch up with me. I was tired, stressed, and my body began to fight back with illness. My doctors were telling me endlessly that I had to make changes in my life and I had to slow down and cut back my stress. I had spread myself so thin that I couldn’t focus on any one thing because I was constantly worried about the next thing. Getting up at 5:30 every morning and getting home to fall into bed at 11 or sometimes later if I had homework. Its like my alcoholic brain was in some kind of race to make up for lost time or something.

My breaking point came when, on top of an illness we were already treating, there was all of a sudden a cancer scare. And in the midst of tests and possible biopsy to face, they told me I had to start a heart medication. I am only 41. I spent my birthday this year in the hospital having tests run and I laid on the cold hospital bed crying. It was not my first cancer scare and I was far more afraid this time.

I began to think about the last time I had felt happy, truly happy. It was just a handful of years ago, before I decided to become a college student, I was working, I was going to the gym 6 days a week, and I was in AA everyday. It was the best I have ever felt in my life. In that moment, it became clear to me that I wanted my life to be like that again. I knew I needed to get centered again and actively care for myself like I used to. But, I did not know how I was going to do that.

Fast forward a couple of months and I knew I had to make some changes. The last couple of years I have worked so hard building my business, making sure I am in the right places, nurturing relationships with the right people, and I have been blessed with incredible friends and mentors. My business started to grow which only made me more busy and more stressed- so I decided to take a leap of faith, leave my steady paycheck, and focus on being my own boss. There was some fear in knowing that I had to provide myself a paycheck. I called a few of my close friends and those great mentors I was talking about and I talked through my situation. Everyone was encouraging and supportive and told me I was doing the right thing.

I realized that all of the choices I have made over the years have all lead me to a point where I could comfortably take this leap of faith. Becoming a responsible person financially, choosing to live below my means rather than living in a big house and buying a new car, choosing to save money more than spend it, choosing to build my life based on great principles rather than living in ego and greed, and following my path that recovery gave me that is my great passion and hobby and pleasure. All of the years of living the program of AA, letting my sponsor teach me how to live and how to grow up to be strong, honest, responsible, and capable- all of these things had lead me to this moment where I was able to make a bold and scary choice and know that it was the right choice.

Everyday I visualize the blessings of my life, I think about the life I want for myself and the person I want to be- I think about the service that I provide and make sure that I am being the best that I can be to the families that are trusting me. I love, entirely, the people I work for and work with. And I am in awe every single day at the life this program has allowed me to live and the person it has allowed me to become. I am blown away by it and gratitude is not a big enough word to describe what I feel. Thank you thank you thank you thank you….

Dating is a challenge under the best of circumstances, dating as a sober person is even more of a challenge. In recent years I have tried to be more open-minded about dating. I am very aware that if things are not working the way I am doing them, then I need to make a change. I know that being super picky about petty things is no good- I am not a woman who thinks my man has to make a certain amount of money or drive a certain kind of car or live in a certain neighborhood. The things that are important to me are honesty, values, drive, sense of humor, and a similar approach to life.

The thing that baffles me is the breaking up part. Over the years, I have been in endless dating situations where the guy just vanishes. All of a sudden there is no call, no response to text, and he is gone. I understand when one of us has a feeling that things are not working out, and usually if one is getting that vibe so is the other. I do not understand the blatant lack of respect of the disappearing act. This has happened countless times and in conversations with friends, it seems that this behavior is not uncommon. Maybe it is appropriate after one or two dates and there is no real connection or whatever, but when you have spent some time with someone, certainly if there is an established relationship, shouldn’t there be a conversation?

After this has happened so many times over the years I have found myself in a precarious state of mind when it comes to dating. Uninterested.

I am also aware that I have to look at the choices I am making in dating and the people I have chosen to date. But how do you know if someone is too much of a p**sy to have an adult conversation and be a grown up? There are some warning signs that are super obvious and I am smart enough to be aware of those, but I am baffled about the disappearing act and how you could foresee that. How do you know when this is a part of someone’s character?

It is difficult not to take it personally when someone is so disrespectful to you, it makes me feel like I am not valuable as a person. This guy thinks so little of me as a person and as a woman that he can discard me like I am nothing. It seems like common courtesy to me.

On a positive note, I have to continue to look at the things I can learn from each situation and how I can make different choices and hopefully encounter people with a little more maturity and respect. In the big picture, there are always warning signs that become more obvious with time and I think I need to be more conscious of these things. When someone is in their 30’s or 40’s and enjoys cartoons and video games they are probably not a good match for me.

I don’t mind the end of a dating relationship, after all, this is all about practice and learning and improving. But when it is time to end it, I would like to be treated with respect and kindness.

]]>https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/wth/feed/4break-upaddictedtorecoveryWhat You Need To Knowhttps://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/what-you-need-to-know/
https://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/what-you-need-to-know/#commentsMon, 03 Jun 2013 04:04:37 +0000http://addictedtorecovery.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/what-you-need-to-know/]]>This is a letter I wrote to a client when I took her to treatment. I never got to give it to her.

There are so many things to think about as you approach this piece of your life. It is a strange place to be, in your head, thinking about these changes that are necessary and wondering how it will be. I had a lot of fear about being sober. I feared that I would no longer be funny. I feared that I would not be able to date a boy without drinking. I feared my friends would not accept me as a sober person, because they would never be sober people. What I finally realized is that alcohol does not define who I am as a person, it is only what I did to quench my everyday fears and discomfort with life.

Alcohol affected every inch of my life and behavior. It made me insecure and scared. I couldn’t feel good about myself when I knew that I couldn’t handle my problems without alcohol. I knew I didn’t have the strength to live life without this liquid courage, and I knew that because of alcohol I was no good. I lied to people to convince them I was better than I was. I dressed pretty and looked pretty hoping that noone would try to get past my exterior and try to find out who I really was because I knew they would be disappointed.

I only thought of myself. All that mattered to me was what I wanted, where I wanted to go, who I wanted to go with, and when I wanted it to happen. If people didn’t do what I wanted then I would ditch them and find other people who would. I was so selfish. I chose drunk boys to date because I wasn’t good enough to date a good boy. Why would a good boy want to hang out with a drunk girl? And I tried to buy things to fill the hole inside of me because I thought I was defective and the hole could not be repaired.

By the time I got sober, I had no way to cope with life. I was depressed and hated myself. My drinking had escalated to a level that I never knew was possible and my life was falling apart before my very eyes. I could barely get to work and was in jeopardy of losing my job, I had spent all of my money and rent was due in a week, my car payment was past due, and I was incapable of taking care of myself. These are all of the things that I didn’t know how to fix and these are all of the things that I had to learn how to do as a sober person.

When I got sober I learned very quickly that this was going to be a journey. I had no idea how much I didn’t know about life, and I was grateful for that because it would have scared me. I knew, after a swallowed bottle of pills, legal trouble, and almost killing an innocent person that I had to stop. I didn’t know about formal treatment and neither did anyone that loved me. There was no knowledge of options and, even there was knowledge, there was no money to send me anywhere. All I knew to do was go to AA.

Getting sober is challenging. I had to be willing to be uncomfortable in a lot of situations, I had to be willing to go to events where I didn’t know anyone and didn’t want to know anyone. I knew that staying in my comfort zone would keep me in a life of drinking and destroying myself. My comfort zone was unhealthy and deadly, and I had to get out of there. I also had to be willing to feel sad and not take a drink to make the sadness go away. I felt unsure of my life and I was still insecure, but I knew that alcohol was not my solution.

When you feel uncomfortable and uncertain, I hope you can understand that it will go away. Bad times and bad feelings always go away, just like good times and good feelings. It is okay to feel bored, just don’t drink to not be bored. It is okay to feel unsure, we all do. Some moments will feel amazing and I hope you take the time to enjoy those moments and be very grateful for them, because those moments will go away also. Don’t be preoccupied with boys! Sometimes, boys make us feel worse about ourselves when we don’t need to. Boys will always be around and available, there is no shortage of them, but right now is about you, your life, and your happiness.

Sometimes you will feel angry. And that’s okay too. We just don’t drink to get rid of it. We talk to each other, maybe we complain and whine, but we talk it through and figure out why we are angry. That way we don’t have to drink to make it go away.

Everything coming up will be new for you. This is a very exciting time in your life. You are young, funny, smart, talented, and educated. This journey of sobriety can be the greatest time in your life and most amazing self-discovery and growth you ever experience. It takes great strength to start this path and you are doing it with dignity and bravery. It is very empowering to learn how to deal with problems and emotions directly. To be a strong, passionate, sober woman is the greatest feeling in my life. To know the things I have been through and survived, to know what I have accomplished as an adult and to know that, with my sobriety and AA and my sober friends, there is absolutely nothing I can’t handle. I hope you have this same experience. I hope when you come home you find a meeting place you like and you settle in and call it your homegroup. I hope you meet amazing and fun sober people to share your time and your life with. As people with addiction, we connect with one another on a different level than other people. We have fought a fight that most will never understand and know that to have our lives is a true miracle.

I hope you do not dwell on the past but approach the future with excitement and tenacity. Become a leader in your sober community and surround yourself with successfully sober people. I hope you understand that we are all ever-changing and learning and growing, and it is a journey. And when it makes you really angry, remember that all of the greatest gifts in life are the ones that we have to work the hardest for. Keep fighting, keep moving forward, keep challenging yourself, and know that you will be okay.