(C.W. McCall, Bill Fries, Chip Davis)Now Arnold Jones an' MaryBeth Jensen's in a 'Vette down by the Deep RockHad John Denver on the 8-track, gettin' highMaryBeth's wig was on the floorAn' Arnold's feet was out the doorWhen we shined our flashlight in Arnold's startled eyesI says "What chew doin' boy?Don't chew know that's against the law?We just gonna hafta get this situation under controlNow my name is Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard ClarkWe the Pottawattamie County Love Patrol."Then two hippies in a Chevy's puffin' grass an' sippin' wine'Bout fourteen mile south-east a' Council BluffsThey's passin' 'round the peace-pipeWhen we caught 'em with our flashlightAn' Willard's hairy hands applied the cuffs.I says, "Boys you got some troubleYou committin' herb-I-cide.We just gonna hafta get this situation under control'Cause I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard ClarkWe the Pottawattamie County Weed Patrol."Then we spied ol' Marvin Kline a-headin' south on twenty-nineLike a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheelsHis trunk was full a' hub capsAn' his back seat full a' tiresWhen we picked him up and made him spread his heelsI says, "Hands up-on the wall, boyYou allowed t' make one callWe just gonna hafta get this situation under controlCause, see, I'm Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard ClarkWe the Pottawattamie County Rip-off Patrol."Then Orval Hinkle left the Go-Go Club on his brand-new motor-sickleRunnin' stop-lights, raisin' hell an' causin' accidentsHis brain was doin' wheeliesAn' his blood was three-two beerWhen we nailed him in his driveway at his residenceI says, "Orval, you're in trouble boyBut if you'll blow this here balloon upWe gonna get your situation under controlNow I'm Captain Fairweather Lewis an' this here's Willard ClarkWe the Pottawattamie County Juice Patrol."Then we's passin' by the Dew Drop Inn when he heard this woman screamSo we pulled on in an' parked an' got the guns outWell we bashed on through the lobby into unit seventeenThere's twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on.I says "Everbody up against the wall; show us yer identification.We just gonna definitely get this situation under control'Cause my name is Fairweather Lewis, an' this here's Willard ClarkWe the Pottawattamie County Sin Patrol."c'mon, Willard, let's go sneakin' 'round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.