Posts Tagged ‘play’

(yes, that was a plug, no, it won’t happen often, yes they are my favourite band, yes you need to hear this album, yes it is relevant to gender issues)

Now, the saga
I’ve tried a few various methods to make a working STP (device enabling female genitalia to urinate standing tidily), the most effective being cutting the nose of a plastic bottle off at a 45 degree angle, putting the cap on, boring a hole in the cap, and sticking the pointy bit inside me and pissing, but that’s obviously not very realistic (unless you know many cisguys with clear plastic penises? I thought not). I also couldn’t pack with it. Now, what I really want is one packer that I can piss, pack and play with, but I have a hands on side so I’m also determined to make it. To those ends I gathered some equipment together:

Two nipples for baby bottles

One metre of plastic tubing sold in car shops for screen fluid

One cyberskin packer

One skewer

One tap

One gas stove

I say I’m a hands-on guy, yes, but I never claimed to be any good at hands on type stuff, so it didn’t work. The plan was to heat the skewer on the gas stove and thrust it, with as little effort and drama as possible, through the packer, before running cold water down the hole to seal it, then running the tube through, poking a hole in the bottle nipple, putting the tube into the hole and tada, one STP device. However, my cunning plan failed quite drastically due to a few major mistakes

1) Not heating the skewer enough so it took a few hard throusts to make any hole, then not realising when it was properly hot, thrusting too hard, and at the wrong angle, so it came out the bottom of the penis before going back in. Yes. Success. Clearly.

2) Not running cold water through for long enough

3) Not finding a way of sealing the nipple to the tubing

4) Choosing too thin a tube with the result of it needing me to piss verrrrrrrrrry sloooooooooooooowly

5) Getting so startled about actually having a penis in my reflection that I dropped the whole caboodle.

I’ve ordered a new one (hence why there can be a Part Two) and am going to try again with a wider tube, longer time and a hotter skewer because I want this to work. When this is done I need to work out how to modify it so that I can play with it as well as pissing and packing! At the moment I have another satisfyingly realistic one for play but it’s a bit of a mood-killer (“Hang on while I put my penis on”) so I want to solve that little problem somehow. Somehow being the operative word, I’m really not sure how I’m going to get this to work, but there has to be a way. As I don’t really want to post pictures of a scarred and mutilated attempt there will be pictures (and a video if I have my ASUS eeebook back from the repair people) on Thursday!