Mary Long is a hypocriteShe does all the things that she tells us not to doSelling filth from a corner shopAnd knitting patterns to the high street queueShe paints roses, even makes them smell goodAnd then she draws titties on the khazi wallDrowns kittens just to get a thrillAnd writes sermons in the Sunday Chronicle.

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?

Mary told Johnny not to write such trashSaid it was a waste of public moneyShe made a fuss, they made apologiesBut everybody thought the show was funnyWhen the nation knew you'd had childrenIt came as such a surpriseWe really didn't know you'd had it in youHow you did it we can only surmise?

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?

Mary Long, you're not aloneBut you're a long way behind our timesWhat we do in full frontal viewIs more honest than your clean-up mindWhat I'm saying, Mary Long isWhen you can spare a minuteGo find your friend the porny LordDig your self a hole and jump in it.

How did you lose your virginity, Mary Long?When will you lose your stupidity, Mary Long?