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Daily Mail ‘written entirely by illegal immigrants’

In a shock to the publishing world, the Telegraph newspaper claims to have evidence that the Daily Mail is not in fact written by right-wing British journalists, but by illegal immigrants working for a pittance in inner-city sweat shops.

After years of claiming that the cause of everyone’s problems was asylum seekers, it has been sensationally revealed that the Mail itself is profiting from the very people it campaigns against.

‘It’s a clever tactic’ said once anonymous source; ‘they move attention away from themselves by pointing the finger at everyone else’. The full extent of the scheme has not yet been discovered, but this story is said to be the ‘tip of the iceberg’. The pictures of writers and names that appear in the paper are all fictitious, it is alleged.

‘We have evidence that brutal gangmasters are forcing teams of Chinese and West African writers to churn out these articles in squalid rooms hidden from the rest of the country.’

When pressed for comment, a spokesman for the Mail replied ‘No speaky! No speaky!’ and ran off into the forest.