Thoughts on Life and Christ from a Stay at Home Mom

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So I’m on day seven of Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred, the workouts are finally getting easier although I’m still doing modified push-ups. I think I can handle moving up to level two. I stepped on the scale before my shower hoping….hoping…and nothing. I still haven’t lost any weight. I’ve been doing okay eating, well maybe I had an egg biscuit sandwich yesterday, that probably wasn’t good, and maybe I did have some chocolate chips before bed last night. Okay, I need to start tracking my food, really start tracking it, and planning what I’m going to eat BEFORE I eat it.

God, you are a God who can do ALL things, You can do anything! Please help me to get rid of this ugly stomach, that’s all I’m asking, just this one thing….and you know what pops into my head? Coffee. Really God, coffee? This doesn’t sound like it’s from the bible, I’m not sure that’s You speaking, maybe it’s just my subconscious putting weird things into my head. Coffee isn’t supposed to be that bad for you. I’m Swedish, coffee and cinnamon rolls are what I’ve been consuming since I was 4 yrs old. Home isn’t home without the smell of coffee brewing. I do put about an eighth cup of cream and a spoonful of sugar in it, and I do drink it all day long when it’s cold out. Water is gross. I don’t want to give up my coffee!!!!! But I do want to get rid of this ugly ugly stomach. But this weekend we’ll be travelling. Okay, giving it up on Monday. God, I’m going to need your help, and I’m going to need a new smell in my house to replace coffee smell. Please make my house smell like home if I have to give up coffee.

Small steps forward against the wind
Forces trying to pull me back into the abyss
A dark place of fear and demons
It would be so easy to turn around
Keeping my eyes upwards steady on the light
Falling forwards to hope
Believing His promises and not the buttery smooth lies
-Sis

We made paper mermaid tales and got stressed out by the timers on free online typing games for kids today. My husband put “The Chronicles of Narnia” on the girls’ ipod for them to listen to at night and they love it. We made a pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting and I bought a new pencil box for Cara. Hers has been broken and had a huge hole in it for over a month and she never complains, she just turns it upside down so the crayons don’t fall out, I love that about her; it is a strength and a weakness.

I gave lots of hugs and cuddles and throwings into the air today, we had a relaxed morning cleaning and playing and an intense afternoon doing workbooks, flashcards, and reading books. My husband and I are sharing the frosting container from the cake, I’d thought of a new diet rule that I can’t have anything sweet unless I lick it off of him, but I haven’t told him about it yet, he might reinforce it :).

My supper turned out amazing tonight, the chicken was juicy and cooked just right and the homemade French fries were delish too. That doesn’t happen too much, so I’m reveling in it.

I don’t understand when to love the world despite their sin and when to withdraw from them because of the awfulness of their sin. I wish it were easier, we are told to love them, but sometimes what they do and say are so painful to watch that it is hard to be around them.

I am thankful for good friends who I can go to when I have questions, I’m thankful for my family, and for our ten butterflies flying in a netted cage in our living room, I’m thankful for hamsters that keep two year olds excited about life, I’m thankful for busy days at home with my family.

Thoughts
The kids are really starting to look forward to summer, we will be starting homeschooling and I’m a little nervous about getting started correctly. I’m thinking of changing their tv schedule so that they watch less. It was really nice to sit and cuddle with my husband on the couch last night, I’ve been missing him lately. Prov has started waking Cara up in the mornings after we let her get up, they both like it. The girls are really going to have fun playing in the puddles later this morning, I think the kiddie pool filled up with water from the rain also, as soon as the sun comes out, I think I’ll send them outside with their rain boots on!

Exercise and Diet
It thundered and rained heavily this morning so I didn’t go for my long run, instead I told my husband he could sleep in while I watched the kids and I think I’ll go run after he wakes up. I’ll probably try to just get 5 miles in instead of 8. Yesterday was another good eating day! Today is going to be one of my two “cheat” days for the week. I have cinnamon rolls rising for breakfast and we will be having dessert after supper tonight (but those are the only two times I get to cheat today, not all day long!)

Goals
Sew up tear in the couch (for real this time)
Do some planning for homeschool and activities this summer
Family Fun Night
Relax and play
run
play piano
read books to kids
laundry/dishes/pick-up toys

Family Fun Night
We are going to start doing family fun nights on Saturdays at our home. This just means a bible memory verse, a game, and a dessert. Tonight we will be memorizing Proverbs 30:5 (make memory cards), playing bingo and making ice cream sundaes.

Reflection
It was good to spend time as a family today, I think it was all of our favorite part of the day. Prov made bingo a little difficult, she kept knocking people’s cards around which would mess up their markers. I took Cara and Hope out to pick wildflowers and we made bouquets, they picked so many we gave bouquets to our neighbors too. We also picked some blackberries and ate them on our ice cream tonight, yum! I tried to take the girls down to the river to play, but we saw a snake and left right away, I just don’t know this town we are in well enough to know if their snakes are poisonous or not, but I do know that water snakes usually are bad ones. Kept to the eating plan well and I ran about 4.5 miles this morning. Read stories, played with girls lots, I think they appreciated all the extra attention. They are sharing a bed tonight just because they want to, very sweet.

Yesterday was a good eating day and my run this morning went well. My friend wants me to go on a long run with her this weekend, 8 miles, I’m a little scared, my husband said he doesn’t mind watching the kids while I go.
Some cute things the girls did yesterday
-Prov spent quite a long time playing and laughing with a fly in the window.
-Cara covered herself in hair-tyes and accessories and rode her scooter through the house all morning. (Yesterday she told me she wants to be a stunt skateboarder and I told her to start out on her scooter.)
-We had to come home twice because we couldn’t get Cara’s shoes right before preschool. The first ones were too small, the next ones were two right feet (one her sister’s). The third pair she didn’t like, but she wore them anyway.
-After naptime, Prov insisted that I carry four stuffed animals to the couch along with her to cuddle.
-Hope has told me that she plans to marry Nicholas when she gets older, he has told her he is a farmer boy and he loves God (she really wants horses), so her criteria for a husband has been met by him.

Goals for Today
eat strictly low carb
spend time playing with girls
go to playgroup
make supper
sew up tear in couch
plan an at-home date night for my husband and myself
don’t play on the computer during my evening hours

“To fully experience our fulfillment in Christ and fulfill His will for our lives, we must come to the point where we give our whole selves to Him –our freedom, our time, our bodies, all of our possessions and gifts–trusting Him to show us how to use all that we are for His glory. To sacrifice means to give up or surrender something of value. We are living sacrifices, which means that moment by moment, out of our worship of Him, we are to surrender our own needs and expectations for the greater value of pleasing our Lord…..He clearly states, again and again, that if we lose our lives for Him, we will find our lives–the joy and fulfillment we long for.”The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson

I’ve kind of been feeling the tug of my heart to go more this direction, but I’ve been ignoring it in favor of my own desires. To be honest, I know exactly what things I do in my life that are frivolous and don’t bring me satisfaction..only temporary amusement, but I keep doing them anyway just because I want to. Today I want to give my time to my daughters, I want to put puzzles together with them, spend an hour reading every book in the house, bake something delicious, teach them some bible stories and love on them all throughout the day without them having to beg for my attention.

God, help me to put my wants aside and go get what I really need. Help me to find my life. Show me what it really means to sacrifice my desires. Amen

Following God’s will has always been confusing for me, but I’m starting to figure out how to do it slowly and here are some tips that I have learned along the way that might help you. I think there are several different ways to follow God’s will depending on our situation and circumstances.

1. There are some general commands in the bible that are God’s will for everyone as a life purpose and we must use these to direct our lives. We are all called to evangelize through loving other people, this is to be one of our main goals in this life. Also we are all called to glorify God and to love Him forever.“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” Mark 1:17

2. First and foremost, we must go to the bible. If the bible says something, then it is God’s will. For instance, the bible tells us not to murder. So no matter what we think, we should not murder someone. That is God’s will. We must weigh whatever we “think” God is telling us to do with the scripture and make sure they match. If they don’t match, it is a good sign that it is NOT God’s will.

3. If you are unsure about a decision, ask trusted Christian friends or elders for advice. It is very easy to get confused or emotionally wrapped up in something and a wise outside source is often a good idea.

4. The third way to follow God’s will is more vague and requires some faith. One of my friends described it to me by saying, “you have to hold your hand out and tell God that whatever He decides to place into your hand, you will obey, but be careful, if you say yes, He might give you something bigger to do next time and if you say no, He might not ask you again”. I thought it was crazy when she told me that, it was just too naive and trusting and I didn’t think God would speak to me that way, but I had to give it a try; I didn’t want to miss out on anything. So that evening I went for a walk and I actually held my hand out and asked God if He wanted to place anything in it. It didn’t happen immediately After waiting awhile, I passes a church and I felt strongly that God wanted me to go inside and pray. He didn’t tell me what to pray for, just to go inside and pray. I did not want to do it. I’d never been in that church before, I didn’t know anything about it, I didn’t even know anyone who went there. So I walked right by the church and told myself the door was probably locked and why would God ask me to do something so stupid anyway. Then I worried, “what if He doesn’t ask me to do anything again?” Can I take that risk? What if it REALLY is God talking to me and telling me this? So I turned around and went into the church (the door wasn’t locked), I went into the sanctuary, sat in one of the pews and just bowed my head and prayed about whatever came into my head. It wasn’t special or anything. That’s how it started with me, and now I try to keep my hands open to God and if I “feel” a sense that He is telling me to do something, I try to obey. I don’t always obey, sometimes I intentionally ignore Him and this is wrong. Even if I don’t understand the reasoning behind it, as long as it’s not against the bible, I obey. Usually it is something small, and often it is Him telling me to stay away from something that is harmful to me.And your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21

5. I think the 5th way that we need to consider God’s will is through signs and dreams. I do believe that God speaks to us this way, but I also think we need to be highly skeptical of this form of communication and test, test, test it because I think that Satan uses this against us too. Sometimes Satan gives us a dream or idea and makes us think it is from God when it is really from Satan. Or Satan will try to make us dependent on signs and not on trusting God alone to communicate with God.

6. Sometimes God doesn’t tell us what to do, we just have to decide for ourselves what we want to do (refer back to #1). Like for instance our career. We can pray to Him and ask Him what He wants us to do, and not get an answer, so we might have to wait or we might just have to choose something and trust that He will guide us gently where to go with it.

Following God’s will is not something to stress over too much, He is sovereign and will get you where you need to go, but make sure that your faith in Him is strong. Spend time with Him daily in His word and worshipping Him, the better you know Him, the easier it will be to listen to Him. God bless you on your journey..