The journal of an aspiring game designer and his journey through the industry

August 12, 2008

We all have bad days...

Right now there are a number of thoughts running through my head, so many it would seem that I can't seem to pick a single strand to write about. The Gearbox internship is ending and the Guildhall is fast approaching and I just feel like I am torn between new worlds and not really happy with either. This may all stem from the fact that I decided to stay up way too late playing games last night (hence no post) in order to somehow maximize my last remaining free hours. Ultimately, this just ended up with me feeling crappy physically and emotionally pretty much all day. It just feels like there are so many balls in the air right now, it's hard to keep them all up there.

There are several things at work that I want to think about and focus on, but at the same time I've got to start worrying about Thesis and Dissonance and DFS and my Portfolio, and finally I can use any remaining time to worry about my personal stuff. I just don't think I can keep that all in my head, but I am having trouble figuring out how to deal with it. The way I see it, there are two options: 1) I can just try to push through it and keep working on GH stuff despite how I feel about it, or 2) I can put the Guildhall stuff off to the side until the internship is finally finished and accept what sacrifices or damage that may entail. I have been trying to do the former to my detriment and I think that really only leaves me the latter.

If worst came to worst and I had to do my LDD in the first three days of term, I think I could. It would be pretty painful, especially for the first week of term and it might not be my best work, but I think I could do it. I mean, I pretty much did that with the last one and that turned out alright. I guess I'm just worried about digging myself into a hole too deep for me to climb out of. As I write this, I guess I've already made my choice, I'm just worried about what it means, but rationally I know that worrying isn't helpful or productive so I might as well get over it. Hey, that sounds like a pretty good plan...

I'm still settling on an idea for my Gears level, but I think I have it narrowed down to a few concepts/settings. I should be able to draft up the rough idea and a sketch map before the end of the week. If I could start the term with those things, I think I should be OK. Alright, so outside of my personal and professional problems, what am I up to? I'm really excited for the begging of what I will call "game season." At this point, it seems like the release of Madden marks the kickoff (pun intended) of the fall game releases. This week I am excited to pick up a copy of Space Siege (I'm a big dungeon crawler fan) and then Too Human comes out the following week (did I say I like dungeon crawlers?).

I am actually really looking forward to Too Human since I played the demo. I mean, I have always liked Silicon Knights for their stories (Legacy of Kain, Eternal Darkness), but I thought the demo had some really cool gameplay mechanics, and one of my favorite things in a dungeon crawler, lots of varied loot that are actually change your character's appearance. I don't know why more RPGs aren't focused on this, but there are basically two really easy things that can help me connect to a game: 1) letting me design a character (at least appearance and then skills/stats in possible) and 2) showing my gear on my character (and having it look different...I'm looking at you, Age of Conan).

Of course gameplay, story, visuals, and all that are important...very important, but it seems like those two things should be easy enough (maybe not both of them) and I think they really help players become their character. Anyway, that's my two cents, maybe you all agree with me, and maybe the art developers are cursing my name that they now need to make 500 different "cool looking" shields, but I think it helps make for a much more engaging experience. Alright, well, I'm going to wind down for the night. Later!