"I feel as though the first glimmer of the
dawn of a glorious day had arisen upon me. I hail it with trembling, yet with trust-
as to work, mine was never so plentiful, so responsible, or so difficult; but the
weight and strain are all gone. The last month has been perhaps the happiest of my
life; and I long to tell you a little of what the Lord has done for my soul- Perhaps
I shall make myself more clear if I go back a little- My mind has been greatly exercised
for six or eight months past, feeling the need, personally, and for the mission,
of more holiness, life, power, in our souls. But personal need stood first and was
the greatest. I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living near to God.
I prayed, agonized, strove, fasted, made resolutions, read the Word of God more diligently,
sought more time for meditation and prayer - but all was with effect. Every day,
almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me- each day brought its register
of sin and failure, of lack of power- then came the question Is there no rescue?
Must it be thus to the end - constant conflict and instead of victory too often defeat?
How, too, could I preach with sincerity that to those who receive Jesus, to them
gave He that power to become the sons of God (i.e. God-like) when it was not so on
my own experience?-

I hated myself. I hated my sin; and yet, I gained no strength against it. I felt
I was a child of God: His Spirit in my heart would cry: 'Abba Father'; but to rise
to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless."

"All the time I felt assured there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical
question was how was I to get it out?- I knew full well that there was in the Root
abundant fatness; but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question.
As the light, gradually dawned on me, I saw that faith was the only prerequisite,
was the hand to lay hold on His fullness and make it my own. But I had not this faith!
I strove for it but it would not come; tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing
more and more the wondrous supply laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious
Savior-my helplessness and guilt seemed to increase. Sins committed seemed but as
trifles compared with the sin of unbelief, which was their cause, which could not,
or would not, take God at His Word, but rather made Him a liar. Unbelief was, I felt,
the damning sin of the world-yet, I indulged in it.

"When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in letter from dear McCarthy
was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed the truth
of our oneness with Jesus as I had never know it before. McCarthy, who had been exercised
by the same sense of failure, but saw the light before I did, wrote: 'But how to
get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful
One.' As I read I saw it all, 'If we believe not, He abideth faithful' (2Tim 2:13).
I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed!) that He had said:
'I will never leave you.' (Heb 13:5) Ah, there is rest I thought! I have striven
in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has He not promised to abide with
me?

"But this was not all He showed me, nor one-half. As I thought of the vine and
branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured direct into my soul- I saw not only
that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh,
and of His bones. The Vine, now I see, is not the root merely, but all- root, stem,
branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit; and Jesus is not only that: He is soil and
sunshine, air and shower, and ten thousand times more than we have every dreamed,
wished for, or needed. Oh, the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes
of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches
freely given us in Christ."

"Oh, my dear sister, it is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and
exalted Savior; to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich
and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? Or your head be well-fed
while your body starves? Again, think of its bearing on prayer. Could a bank clerk
say to a customer: 'It was only your hand wrote that check, not you,' or 'I cannot
pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself?' No more can your prayers or mine
be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e. not in your own name, or for
the sake of Jesus merely, but on the ground that we are His members) so long as we
keep within the extent of Christ's credit - a tolerably wide limit"...