Tuesday, August 1, 2017

The Girl I Didn't Kill For, Chapter 5

Jessie

I stumble into my apartment after
midnight, which probably isn’t the brightest idea in the world.In order to avoid living in an apartment the
size of a broom closet, we picked a neighborhood that isn’t the greatest.I carry around a can of mace in my purse, and
I pull it out after Chrissy drops me off at the front of my building. Even
inside the building, I don’t feel safe.

When I get upstairs without
incident, I’m surprised to see that Seth is sitting on the couch, obviously
waiting up for me.The second I come
through the door, he rises to his feet.“Jess,” he says, “I was worried about you.”

I’m not ready to forgive Seth for
the fight we had earlier, and I’m not in the mood to explain myself to
him.“You should have called me then.”

“I did.”

I reach into my purse to locate my
cell phone.Sure enough, there are three
missed calls from Seth.Cleopatra’s was
very loud—I guess I missed them.“Sorry,” I mumble.

“I was really worried.” A crease
appears between his eyebrows.“I mean, I
know we live in this shitty neighborhood, and I know it’s my fault.I actually… I went looking for you…”

“You did?” Some of my anger
fades.“I didn’t realize…”

“All I could think about was that if
something happened to you…” He shakes his head.“I don’t know if I could go on.My life wouldn’t be worth living without you.”

I swallow.Hard.

He hangs his head.“I’m sorry about the fight we had earlier,
Jess.This practice is stressing me so
much.It’s turning me into a jerk.”

I don’t disagree.

He takes a deep breath.“I decided tonight. I can’t put us through
this any longer… I’m going to look for a job at a law firm. Shut the practice
down.”

I stare at him, stunned.“Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been so sure of anything
in my life,” he says.He takes a step
toward me.“And after shutting down this
goddamn practice, the first thing I want to do is marry you.This engagement has gone on long enough—let’s
get freaking married already.What do you say to this April?”

I close my eyes for a second and
remember the way I felt when Nick was sitting across the table from me. God,
there was nothing else like it. Nick and I have an intensity that I’ve never
felt with anyone else.

But I barely know Nick.I just know that he refused to speak to me
when I needed him the most, then ignored me for thirteen years.Oh, and he has a ridiculously beautiful girlfriend
that he readily tells people that he doesn’t care about.Plus he owns the most popular nightclub in
Manhattan and seems to get whatever he wants at the snap of a finger.

And then there’s his disability. It
doesn’t bother me, but I realize it’s another aspect of him that’s new to me.
He’s used it as an excuse to keep me at a distance in the past.How close would he even allow me to get?

Seth is a man that I’ve known for
thirteen years.I live with him.I share my life with him.I know just about everything about him,
including all his strengths and weaknesses.And despite some rough times lately, I love him.

I don’t love Nick Moretti.Not anymore.

“Of course I want to marry you,” I
say.“And April sounds perfect.”

Seth’s eyes light up.He grabs me in his arms and kisses me so
passionately, I swear it’s just as good as any kiss I ever had with Nick. It’s
the longest kiss we’ve shared in months, and my knees are shaking when I pull
away.

“So,” he says, as he strokes my
hair.“How was it standing outside Cleopatra’s?Or did you eventually get in?”

I grin at him.“Actually, we got right in!Chrissy works for the owner, as it turns
out.”

“Wow.” Seth looks impressed—maybe
he’ll be nicer to Chrissy from now on.“Who is her boss?”

I hesitate.I’ve never said Nick’s name to Seth during
all these years.But I suppose there’s
no harm in telling him.“His name is
Nick Moretti.”

His eyes grow wide in
recognition.“Chrissy works for Nick
Moretti?Holy shit, I never knew that.”

I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach.“You know who Nick Moretti is?”

“Yeah, sure.” He shrugs.“I’ve seen his name in the papers a bunch of
times.He’s one of those mobster
guys.Like John Gotti.Or Al Capone.You know I love stories like that.”

“Nick wouldn’t...” I start to say,
then I correct myself, “Chrissy would never work for a mobster.”

He laughs.“Wouldn’t she?”

I open my mouth to defend my friend,
but then I shut it.Because the truth is
that it all makes a scary sort of sense.I remember the way Nick’s dad was arrested when we were in college
because of his “taxes.”All that money
they had.The way everyone used to be
scared of Nick. Regular guys don’t just own the hottest club in Manhattan.

God, I can’t believe I thought that
Nick and I might get back together.Nick
clearly isn’t who he used to be. What an idiot I am.At best, I’m sure all he wanted was to hook
up with me one last time.

“So did you get to meet the
mobster?” Seth asks eagerly.

I hesitate again.“Uh, yes.I did.”

“Cool,” he breathes.“What was he like?”

“Um…” How could I describe Nick to
my fiancé?“He’s, you know, very
smooth.Good looking.”

He laughs. “I’ll bet.”

I hesitate again.“He sort of… he offered to let me try out to
sing at Cleopatra’s.”

“Seriously?” Seth snorts.“You?Singing at Cleopatra’s?”He shakes his
head. “Wow, he must have really wanted to get into your pants.”

I know I should probably get
offended, but I can’t.The fact is that
Seth is absolutely right.Me singing at
Cleopatra’s is absolutely ludicrous.Nick only offered because… well, Seth got it right.

“Not that you’re not an amazing
singer,” he adds quickly, realizing what he said.“But he doesn’t know that.And you have to admit that the girls who sing
at a place like Cleopatra’s are more… well, you know…”

“I know,” I mutter.It’s so obvious that I would be wrong for
Cleopatra’s.I can’t believe I was
considering it for even a second.For
one night, I got sucked into a different world—it was fun, but not where I
belong.This is my life.

“Anyway.” Seth pulls me close to him
so that I can feel his hot breath.“I’m
glad you had fun with Chrissy the Mafioso.And now it’s my turn to have
some fun.”

I grin up at my fiancé.“It’s only fair.”

He leans forward and kisses me
again, but halfway through, we collapse onto the sofa.Seth starts pulling off my clothing, and I
pull off his just as eagerly.I’m so
turned on.I want him inside me, pumping
against me.I want…

God, why can’t I stop picturing
Nick?

Jessie

I spend the entire morning debating
what to do about my lunch with Nick.

Around nine-thirty, I make the
mistake of Googling “Nick Moretti.”And
from there it’s all downhill.

What happened to the kid who was
humiliated by his brother’s multiple arrests?Who looked like he was going to break down crying when his dad got taken
away?Maybe one or two of the stories
are exaggerations, but not all of them.Nick is in deep.I don’t know how
it happened or when, but it’s clear his life took a wrong turn somewhere along
the way.He started doing all the same
things that got his father arrested.All
the things he swore he’d never do.

Did he change his mind?Or was he lying when he said he’d never end
up like that?

Maybe something changed in him when
he got shot.Maybe losing the ability to
walk also robbed him of his integrity.Then again, the old Nick always wanted to follow in his father’s
footsteps.So maybe I never knew that
guy either.

I find a website where you can look
up public arrest records.I hesitate,
wondering if I want to know.Nick might
have abandoned me after he got shot, but my memory of him is of essentially a
good kid.I don’t know if I want to know
if he ever got thrown in the slammer.I
don’t want to imagine him behind bars.

In the end, curiosity wins out. I
type Nick’s name into the search engine and…

No.He’s never been arrested.Looks
like none of the “allegations” ever panned out.Or more likely, he’s got good lawyers.

By half past ten, I start in on the
image search.The first image that comes
up isn’t a mugshot or anything close.It’s a picture of Nick at what appears to be one of his clubs, talking
to some guy I don’t recognize.He’s
dressed in a dark suit and looks so incredibly handsome that I find myself gawking
at the photo for several minutes.God,
he’s sexy. None of the other mob guys look like him.

No matter what he has or hasn’t
done, Nick is still really hot.

The second photo is of him with that
woman he was with last night. The one who was superhumanly gorgeous—Natalie,
Chrissy said her name was.He’s got his
arm around her shoulders and she’s leaning against him.Now that I can study her carefully, I can see
that I was absolutely right about her beauty.She’s one of the most stunning women I’ve ever seen.

The sort of woman a crime boss would
date.

I shiver as I look at another photo
of him sitting with Natalie in another clearly expensive suit with her in a low
cut dress.He’s handsome as hell, but at
the same time, his eyes are so dark and penetrating.Scary.He looks like a guy who could order a hit on somebody without blinking
an eye.Isn’t that what they call it in
the mafia when you order someone to be killed—a “hit”?

I remember what the girls used to
say about him in high school.He’s cold. Dangerous. I was the only
person who didn’t think so. But maybe they were the ones who had it right.

I notice that none of the photos
show Nick in his wheelchair.He’s almost
always behind a table or something else that conceals the chair.I wonder if that’s intentional.It makes sense he wouldn’t advertise his
disability if he wants to intimidate people.

One thing that’s also obvious is he
and Natalie are very much an item.From
the dates on the photos, it looks like they’ve been together for at least five
or six months, even though he claimed it wasn’t serious.Another thing he lied about.Maybe they’re engaged.Hell, maybe they’re married—nothing would
surprise me at this point.

Well, I wouldn’t blame him for
marrying her.She’s the most beautiful
woman I’ve ever seen. If Nick can be with a woman like her, I’m baffled as to
why he wants me.

Probably for old time’s sake. The
girl who got away—you know.

In any case, I know with a hundred
percent certainty this new Nick Moretti is somebody I don’t want to get mixed
up with.God, can you imagine me hooking
up with a mafia boss?It’s almost as
ridiculous as the idea of me being a nightclub singer.

By eleven o’clock, I’ve made up my
mind that it would be a mistake to meet Nick for lunch. Since he never gave me
his number, I decide to call Chrissy to cancel.

“I’m super busy right now, Jess,”
Chrissy tells me in a distracted voice.“Can I call you back after work?Better yet, let’s get drinks.”

“I just need to tell you something
real quick,” I say.“I need you to tell
Nick that I can’t make it for lunch today.Okay?”

There’s a long pause on the other
line.“What are you talking about?You’re meeting him in an hour, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but…” I chew on my lip.“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Well, I’m not going to be the one to tell him you’re not showing up.”
Chrissy sounds furious.“If you want to
stand him up at that restaurant, then that’s your prerogative.But I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“Chrissy…”

I realize I’m talking to a dead phone.

I don’t want to stand Nick up at
Blue Moon.At the very least, I get the
feeling that people who don’t show up to an appointment with Nick Moretti wind
up at the bottom of the East River with cement blocks on their feet. I’ll go to
the restaurant and tell him to his face that we can be friends, but that’s
it.And that I’m absolutely wrong for
Cleopatra’s.

I’m sure it will go fine.

Nick

I allow my driver to take me to Blue
Moon rather than driving myself, because while there’s a handicapped spot in
front of the restaurant, my next stop won’t have one.In general though, I prefer driving
myself.A lot of people find the traffic
in Manhattan to be stressful, but I like weaving in and out of lanes, avoiding
crazy taxi drivers and dumbass pedestrians.It’s almost like a sport and nobody does it better than me.I nearly punch the window when the driver
takes 34th street to get across town, even though everyone knows the
traffic is out of control at this hour.After he does that, I gotta call the restaurant and ask them to seat
Jessie ahead of me and bring her a glass of their best wine.

When we get there (only five minutes
late), the driver gets out to grab my wheelchair from the trunk.They always insist on putting my chair in the
trunk because it will “mess up the leather” if I store it next to me.It’s not my car, so I don’t argue, but I’m
not thrilled about it.

The host is waiting for me when I
get into the restaurant.He smiles at
me, obviously eager to make me happy.Smart guy.“We seated your lady
friend at your usual table and brought her a lovely Cheval Blanc.”

“Was she upset that I’m late?” I
ask.

The host shakes his head.“She didn’t seem so.”

Good.So I haven’t already blown it.

My usual table is off to the side of
the restaurant, so we’re not right by the entrance but I don’t have to navigate
between tables to get all the way to the back.I’m so goddamn nervous, the last thing I need is to crash into
somebody’s table right now and knock over all the water glasses. That’s the
kind of thing I used to do all the time when I was first injured. I’ve been
wheeling long enough now that I’m good at making my way through tight spaces,
but the second I see Jessie sitting at that table, sipping on wine, my brain is
scrambled.

This time I check the position of my
legs before I start wheeling over to her.I’m fine—just need to stay that way.I make it halfway there before she looks up and sees me.I smile bigger than I’d intended.My heart is pounding so hard, I feel
dizzy.How does she do this to me?

Jessie gives me a thin smile that
makes me worry.Shit, she must be pissed
off that I’m late.I can’t blame
her.I only just got her to forgive me
for all the dumb things I did, and I can’t even show up on time for lunch.I should’ve driven myself.

“I’m really sorry,” I tell her once
I’ve pulled up to the table.“My driver
took 34th street across town.I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him.”

Jessie is quiet for a second as she
takes another sip of wine.Finally, she
says, “You… have a driver?”

She acts like I told her I took a
private jet to get to the restaurant.Yeah, I hire a company that takes me places when driving myself isn’t
convenient.It’s what you gotta do
sometimes when you run a multimillion dollar business.“I got a car,” I tell her.“The driver is just for, you know,
sometimes.”

Shit.I sound like a fucking moron.

“Oh,” Jessie says.She toys with the menu in front of her.“I see.And does the ‘driver’ do… other jobs for you?”

I frown at her.What the hell is she talking about?Other jobs?What is she implying?

Does she think my driver whacks guys
for me??

“He just drives,” I say.

“Oh,” she says again.

I nod down at the menu.“You know what you want?”

Her cheeks color.“The food here is so expensive.There isn’t one thing on the menu that costs
less than thirty dollars.”

“So what?” I say.“That’s what good food costs.”

“But…” She chews on her lip. “I
can’t order a piece of chicken that costs thirty-four dollars.I mean, it’s chicken.”

“Yeah, that’s why it’s only
thirty-four dollars.”

For the first time, I realize that
the clothing Jessie is wearing isn’t the kind of pricy stuff that Natalie and
my previous girlfriends strutted around in.It looks like stuff you’d get at Walmart.I wonder what Jessie’s financial situation
is.I wonder if she needs help.Money troubles—that’s an easy fix for me.I’ll give her whatever she needs.I want to make her happy.

“Anyway,” I say, waving at the menu,
“get whatever you want.Don’t even look
at the price.”

Jessie is quiet for a second.Before I can think to ask her what’s wrong,
she blurts it out.The words that make
my stomach sink into my shoes.

“Nick, I’m engaged.”

Engaged?

No.No fucking way.I look down at
her left hand—still no ring.Chrissy
would never have set that up last night if Jessie had a fiancé.She’s lying.She’s fucking lying to
me.And it doesn’t take a rocket
scientist to figure out why.

It hurts.I’m not going to say I haven’t got rejected
before by a woman I liked, so this is nothing brand new to me. Before my
injury, it never happened—never.If I asked a girl out, she said yes, simple
as that.It wasn’t something I ever
worried about. I lost a lot of that confidence after I ended up in a
wheelchair.It wasn’t until my second
year at Columbia undergrad when I finally worked up the nerve to ask another
girl out.

Her name was Serena and she was in
my economic class—a smart, attractive girl headed for business school, just
like me.We worked on a project together
and I liked her.She was the first girl
I’d felt anything for since Jessie, but I was too chickenshit to do much about
it.Serena and I got to be friends—good
friends—then one night at a Fourth of July party when the fireworks were going
off and we’d both had a couple of drinks, I kissed her.

I’d made a move like that many times
before and never got shut down. Never.But that night made it clear things had changed.I could see right away how flustered Serena
was, even though she was bordering on drunk.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” she mumbled,
wiping her lips with the back of her hand.“You’re a really nice guy and all.I just don’t like you that way.”

It was a punch in the gut to confirm
that women didn’t see me the way they used to.It took a long time before I had the nerve to ask another girl out.

I don’t get rejected much
anymore.The women I meet generally are
willing to tolerate the fact that I can’t walk if it means that they get to go
out with a rich guy who will get them into any club or restaurant without
having to wait in line.Like Natalie.My status gives me my confidence back with
the opposite sex.

But Jessie isn’t interested in my
money or my connections.So it looks
like I don’t have anything to offer her.

“You know,” I say quietly, “you
don’t have to insult me by making up a fiancé.If you’re not interested, just fucking say so.”

Jessie’s eyes widen.“Nick…”

“It’s fine,” I say.“Really.”

“But I really am engaged!”

I roll my eyes at her.“So what’s his name?”

“Seth Parsons,” she says.“He’s a lawyer.I… met him in college actually, not that long
after you… well, you know.I live with
him now.We… we’re probably going to get
married in April.Or… I don’t know,
maybe June.”

I think she might actually be
telling the truth.

I’m going to kill Chrissy.

“What about you?” she prods me.“You were with that girl last night who was…
I mean, Christ, Nick, she was gorgeous.”

I shrug.“She’s okay.”

She smiles awkwardly.“How long have you been with her?”

The last thing I want to do is think
about Natalie right now.But at least I
can save some face here.She doesn’t
know that my relationship with Natalie is a lie.And Natalie is a really beautiful girl—that’s
why I pay for her to be my arm candy.

“About six months,” I say.“She’s great.”I look Jessie in her blue eyes.“She’s amazing in bed.”

I see Jessie wince.“Oh.Well, that’s… great.So things
are kind of serious with her then?”

“I don’t like to get too serious
with women,” I say.That’s not a lie—not
one of the women I’ve dated has been worth getting serious with.Certainly not Natalie.But if Jessie had told me something different
today, I’d have been willing to marry her tomorrow.

“Yeah,” she says.“I figured.”

The waiter comes by to save us from
an awkward silence.Jessie looks down at
the menu and I know she’s trying to pick the cheapest thing she can find.She finally ends up ordering a salad.I get steak.You don’t go to Blue Moon and order anything besides steak.

“Look,” Jessie says, turning her
blue eyes back on me.“I know you said
that thing about the singing job at Cleopatra’s but I just wanted you to know
that you don’t have to do that for me.I
understand what you were trying to do and… well, I’m not completely clueless.I know I’m not right for that job.”

She’s right about one thing—I
offered her a job singing at Cleopatra’s because I wanted to impress her and
have an excuse to see her again.But now
that she’s saying she’s not interested, I realize that I actually want her to sing at Cleopatra’s.I think Jessie has the greatest voice I’ve
ever heard, and I want everyone else to be able to hear it too.

I shake my head at her.“No, I want you to audition.”

Her face pales.“Nick, seriously, I’m nothing like any of the
girls who sang last night.”

“Exactly,” I say.“You’ll be a breath of fresh air.”

She just shakes her head.

“Listen to me, Jessie,” I say.“You’re really talented.One of the best singers I ever heard. You
can’t waste your gift.”

A slow smile spreads across her
face.“You honestly believe that?”

“Yeah, of course I do.”

Jessie takes a sip from her wine
glass.Her skin is turning pink, and I
wonder if it always turns pink like that when she drinks alcohol.There’s so much I don’t know about grown up
Jessie.Even though she’s engaged, even
though she just shot me down, I still want to get to know more.

“I’ll help you practice if you
want,” I tell her.“You can sing ‘I Feel
Pretty.’”

Her face turns even pinker.“Oh God, you still remember that?”

“Of course.You were great!”

“I was the blondest Maria ever.”

I grin at her. “Hey, who says Puerto
Ricans can’t be blond and blue eyed?”

“I still can’t even believe I got
that part,” she says.

Jessie has no clue that I talked to
Derek, the casting director, to land her the role of Maria.Or that Alyssa Carlotta gave Derek head
thanks to my powers of persuasion. I don’t intend for her ever to know.

She also won’t know that no matter
what she sings at that audition, she’s getting a job at Cleopatra’s.

And then after she has the job, I’ll
work on getting her.

To be continued....

Are you enjoying this story? Read the back story about Nick and Jessie--how they met, how Nick got hurt, and how Nick became the businessman he is today. Buy The Girl I Didn't Marry on the Kindle!

I wasn't expecting that either. I'm excited to see how things play out. I also, really wish I didn't have to wait a week to find out. �� All joking aside, I'm totally in love with this story. Great job!

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This blog contains erotic and romantic stories featuring disabled male love interests. If you would like to contribute a story or would like to be a regular contributor, email me at paradevo(at)yahoo.com.