2000 called. Wants its sweater back.

I just threw away my eggplant sweater. I don't mean that it was literally made from eggplants, cause, slimy. I loved that sweater, but it was gettin' ridiculous.

Okay, cause first of all, Robbie Krieger from The Doors called and wants his hair back. It's 99% humidity here today. I guess it's time for another Liquid Keratin treatment. But beyond my berserk hair, this sweater has had it. Note how it gapes up in the collar, and how fashionably lengthy it is, plus it has stretched out so that it covers my hands, like I constantly have sock puppets on.

I have no idea why Tinkerbell is on the lower-left side of this photo.

Here might be why this sweater is finally being retired. Because I bought this sweater with my sister-in-law when we both lived in LA. She had one child then, Emma, who was in her stroller as we shopped and she looked like this:

Emma happy to shop with Aunt June. Emma talk a little like Tallulah. How about some fashionable scrunchy socks, Aunt June?

Yeah.

Emma is ELEVEN now. She has her own cell phone. Time has passed, is what I am saying to you. She still totally rocks that jumper dress, though. Just like I do the eggplant sweater.

So, goodbye, sweater. You served me well.

But hey, guess what? While I was looking for a picture of Emma? I found this!!!

I know I talked about this picture about a year ago. I told you all I couldn't find the photo of the happiest moment of my life, and I told y'all to shut up about the part where you're supposed to say your wedding day was the happiest moment because HI I'M HOLDING A BABY LION.

A BABY LION!

It was some fundraiser for some animal rescue place, and for $10 they just TOTALLY LET YOU hang with a baby lion or tiger. There was a huge line, but I was first. And yes, most of the people were, you know, children, but they had to WAIT THEIR TURN! For I was holding a baby lion. Oh, it was fabulous. She FELT wild, you know? She felt kind of vibrate-y.

And the whole time my mother was in the background saying, "How do I know this lion won't eat my child? My 38-year-old child?"

And you know what makes me sad? It makes me sad that the happiest moment of my life had to be in my mother's sweatpants with pockets. We were on vacation and you do not even want to know what happened to my original pants that day. Really. Trust me. And there were NO OTHER PANTS besides those, so yes. Every time I look at this, I'm all, "Nice mom sweats." But still! I thought I had lost this photo forever! And I found it! Oh, sweet heavenly biscuits in the morning I found it!

Did I mention it was a moment to end all moments? Am I gettin' over the baby lion?

And finally. In summation. I also found this happy photo.

Okay.

I know this is in Seattle, because of the ferry action. Let's discuss just everything. First of all, am I a plush toy? What is with the fuzzy sweater? And such a snug fit! It would have looked great with mom's sweats. And am I Cruella DeVille? How many Dalmatians were sacrificed for that bag?

And finally, the earrings. Oh, those earrings. Am I wearing candelabra? Are those go-go dancer cages? Do they actually light up? And what made me say, "Oh! These enormous yellow and magenta earrings will go nicely with my blue stuffed animal sweater and Dalmatian bag!"

Wow! Someone's fashion sense needs a lifesaver. At least I didn't keep THAT sweater for 11 years.

54 thoughts on “2000 called. Wants its sweater back.”

LOVE your hair in the lion photo…it is perfect! Actually it is just a gorgeous photo….the smile and all. It must have something to do with it being your happiest moment ever. I wonder if we all look that great when we are that happy????

Okay..I am picking myself off the floor from laughing so hard. June, I am sorry but you look great in all the pictures. I do want to know what you did to those children to get first in line for the tiger!??

I would LOVE to hold a baby lion. That looks amazing. I tried to curl up and sleep next to a baby cow once at a rare breeds farm but my mum dragged me away. The cow wasn’t at all bothered and he had lovely soft fur. Probably wouldn’t get away with that now either.

Just found your blog – so happy I did!! I woke up cranky & stressed this morning, and this post made me laugh out loud. Loooove the plush toy sweater. And you inspired me. I just went upstairs and threw away my own favorite eggplant sweater. It was time.

Last week the college I work at had “therapeutic” animals there for students to visit. As soon as I read ‘alligator’ on the facebook post, I was there. I got to rub his tummy and feel his tail. (blogged it here: http://bit.ly/12HqkG with a pic of him… not me holding him tho)So now I’ve touched a crocodile (oh, reptile gardens, how I love you) and an alligator. It’s been decided that I must travel to Indonesia so that I can touch a baby Komodo Dragon, and then my life will be complete. (my husband was aghast when I said that to him. pssh, I’ll hold his babies sometime too, sheesh.)

Eleven-year-old sweater being thrown away?? I am trying to figure out if I have ANY clothes less than eleven years old!
Sorry I took so long to post…I was picturing the bra-and-panty tickle fight and it is hard to type one-handed…

I AM SO JEALOUS. *nostril flare* I have patted and or fed many an odd zoo animal, including but not limited to: a coati mundi, elephant, dolphin, prehensile tailed procupine, aardvark, bat, leopard, eagle, reindeer, vulture, owl, naked mole rat, bongo and sea lion.
Hud and I used to raise hedgehogs and prairie dogs. Oh, sweet Zu Zu Petals! I miss you every day!
A servral named Congo slept in the twin bed beside me while I spent a month in Venezuela as a visiting artist, but I have NEVER EVER held a vibrating lion cub. Now I’ve got to put THAT on my bucket list, too. Hmph.

I AM SO JEALOUS. *nostril flare* I have patted and or fed many an odd zoo animal, including but not limited to: a coati mundi, elephant, dolphin, prehensile tailed procupine, aardvark, bat, leopard, eagle, reindeer, vulture, owl, naked mole rat, bongo and sea lion.
Hud and I used to raise hedgehogs and prairie dogs. Oh, sweet Zu Zu Petals! I miss you every day!
A servral named Congo slept in the twin bed beside me while I spent a month in Venezuela as a visiting artist, but I have NEVER EVER held a vibrating lion cub. Now I’ve got to put THAT on my bucket list, too. Hmph.

I AM SO JEALOUS. *nostril flare* I have patted and or fed many an odd zoo animal, including but not limited to: a coati mundi, elephant, dolphin, prehensile tailed procupine, aardvark, bat, leopard, eagle, reindeer, vulture, owl, naked mole rat, bongo and sea lion.
Hud and I used to raise hedgehogs and prairie dogs. Oh, sweet Zu Zu Petals! I miss you every day!
A servral named Congo slept in the twin bed beside me while I spent a month in Venezuela as a visiting artist, but I have NEVER EVER held a vibrating lion cub. Now I’ve got to put THAT on my bucket list, too. Hmph.

Dear Henny,
When Marvin worked on movies, they had a lion and a cub come to the set.
Okay, (a), will never forgive Marvin for not telling me so I could show up.
But (42), they said, “Here comes the lion. No one made a SOUND, not ANY
movement.” Naturally, the lion was padding right by Marvin when some idiot
sneezed. He said the glare that came his way from that lion was horrifying.
On Fri, Sep 25, 2009 at 2:30 PM, wrote:

True story. In 1999, I had my picture taken in South Africa with a 2 yr old cheetah who, when walking on all fours, was pretty much my same vertical height. The handler told us to never make eye contact with a cheetah, apparently its a sign of confrontation. So what did the photographer do? Had the cheetah sit upright on a table facing me (why on earth, I do not know – maybe to get both of our headshots “just in case” there would be a tragic AP news article?). When the flash went off, the cheetah glared at the camera as if it had just spotted dinner. Get it, ‘spotted’ dinner…bwahahahah! Come to think of it, where is that damn picture? Thanks, June, now I’ll be on the hunt — get it, hunt? I’m a regular Henny Youngman today.

Apparently, they now sell sweaters with very long sleeves and thumb holes so the sleeve can go down your hands – much like sock puppets. Intentional sock puppets. I sorta like it in a Kate Moss kind of way. Aren’t you so glad I contributed this lofty comment?

Ah the ferry. Such a tranquil 25 minutes… I bet you were all dressed up and flashy to head to Bainbridge Island. It’s kickin’ over there. Your style would have been totally different for a night out in Bremerton.

No way I would be giving up that sweater. It’s a great color. It goes with everything. But don’t listen to me, I am a packrat and have wayyyyyy too many of every single thing in my house.
And to Joanna the walrus-kisser, I am so, so, sooooo jealous! I have a fabulous collection of walruses (walri, more than one walrus) and would love to touch one in real life. Good on ya, girl!!

Oh, my snake story. We were with other couples in some part of DisneyWorld and one of their cast members came out, all decked out in a harem outfit. Bare belly, poofy pantaloons, fancy bra dealie, lots of jewelry. Think Barbara Eden times ten. And Harem Girl had a snake. Not a huge one, but a snake nonetheless. So she came over to us and was sort of cuddling the snake and said, “You can touch it if you want,” and one of the guys in our group said, “Great! And what about the snake?”
It was heeee-larious.

Oh, my snake story. We were with other couples in some part of DisneyWorld and one of their cast members came out, all decked out in a harem outfit. Bare belly, poofy pantaloons, fancy bra dealie, lots of jewelry. Think Barbara Eden times ten. And Harem Girl had a snake. Not a huge one, but a snake nonetheless. So she came over to us and was sort of cuddling the snake and said, “You can touch it if you want,” and one of the guys in our group said, “Great! And what about the snake?”
It was heeee-larious.

Oh, my snake story. We were with other couples in some part of DisneyWorld and one of their cast members came out, all decked out in a harem outfit. Bare belly, poofy pantaloons, fancy bra dealie, lots of jewelry. Think Barbara Eden times ten. And Harem Girl had a snake. Not a huge one, but a snake nonetheless. So she came over to us and was sort of cuddling the snake and said, “You can touch it if you want,” and one of the guys in our group said, “Great! And what about the snake?”
It was heeee-larious.

Steve… let your son know that in approximately 20-25 years, young Emma will be plucking hair from places he won’t want to know about.
I thought you had a less F U look on your face but more a “what the hell do you want” look.
The baby lion? Very cool.

I got to be a Guest Conductor on the Disney monorail once. All that meant is I got to sit with a bunch of small children at the front of the train. In my defense, everyone acts like a five-year-old at Disney.
A big vibrat-y cat??! I would have been first in line, too. Totally jealous.
Love your blog! If I remembered how I found you, I’d let you know.

I know exactly what you mean about keeping certain sweaters forever even after they have lost shape. I have a couple of old-reliables that I’ve had for way over 10 years and still love them. I have given up a few in the past when they have lost their shape but if a sweater still looks good…I just can’t give it up!!!!!!
Love the baby lion photo! So cool!

I have that eggplant sweater’s navy blue twin. I guess I’ll go scrounge it out of the closet and send it on to Goodwill. I keep it for that ONE time when I’ll need THAT ONE SWEATER that covers everything. You know now that you’ve gotten rid of that sweater, you’ll have a power outage this winter and need a sweater big enough to fit over the top of 3 shirts and a pair of your mom’s sweat pants.
And for half a second, I was CERTAIN you were hanging with Siegfried and Roy and their kitties.

Dear Sleeping,
I am looking at Marvin. Nice.
Oh, and I keep meaning to ask you, were those asps real in that movie? The
asps you have to give the password to?
I know no one else knows what the HECK I mean…
On Fri, Sep 25, 2009 at 11:06 AM, wrote:

Once, at the Miami zoo, while I was waiting in line for the elephant rides (and I was, oh, probably 36 years old), the elephant reached over and touched the back of my hand with the tip of her trunk. I was so excited.
(Oh, baby Emma! So cute!)

My son is 12 and if Emma is as cute now as she was in your picture, maybe a set up is in order. Does she like killing people in Call of Duty? Soccer? Drummers? Waking dad up at 6:30am after he got home from work at midnight? Running cross country? Chocolate? Pina Coloda yogurt? Getting caught in the rain? Not into yoga?
You get the idea. He does not have a phone yet, so maybe Aunt June can help?

I just have to say that I totally love your eyebrows in that last picture. The perfect amount of pluckage, IMHO.
The highlight of my life was swimming with a dolphin named Valerie in Mexico. I got to kiss her too. I treasure the picture… but alas I look really “special” in it.

the sweatpants don’t look as bad as my ex-husband who showed up in court wearing HIS mom’s sweatpants all MC Hammer style… a woman in the waiting area looked up at me with tears in her eyes & said “good luck to ya”…. he didn’t have a baby anything to distract us either!

Tinkerbell!!! Bwahahahaha!
I think an avocado sweater would be slimier, actually.
Aw, baby lion! I think you would’ve been in more danger of being eaten if you were a gazelle. With a bum leg.
That bottom picture totally reminds me of a movie scene but OF COURSE I can’t place it. North by Northwest? Idk.

Tinkerbell!!! Bwahahahaha!
I think an avocado sweater would be slimier, actually.
Aw, baby lion! I think you would’ve been in more danger of being eaten if you were a gazelle. With a bum leg.
That bottom picture totally reminds me of a movie scene but OF COURSE I can’t place it. North by Northwest? Idk.

Tinkerbell!!! Bwahahahaha!
I think an avocado sweater would be slimier, actually.
Aw, baby lion! I think you would’ve been in more danger of being eaten if you were a gazelle. With a bum leg.
That bottom picture totally reminds me of a movie scene but OF COURSE I can’t place it. North by Northwest? Idk.

I knew the baby lion wouldn’t eat you becuase, duh, he’s still nursing! Maybe if you were milky with a big nipple it would have been different. He’s not quite carnivorous yet.
Nice sweaters! My husband finally made me get rid of my most favorite comfy sweater for the same saggy, hand puppet reasons.

I guess all moms think a lot. My first thought was, “How did you know it wouldn’t eat you?” Safety is Job One for us motherly types.
I think you should stop fighting the inevitable and just let your hair frizz. What was the point of Women’s Liberation if we still spend every waking moment worrying about our hair? Instead of burning bras, they all should have thrown out hair treatments.
Oh, wait – they did. 70’s hair looked awful. Never mind.