In the second part of their 2-part interview, sixteen years into their marriage, Mikeal and Mandi Jensen have a keen awareness of what exactly it means to be in a “mixed-orientation marriage” and they do not hold back in sharing how they feel about it. When they first married, though they were both aware of Mikeal’s homosexuality, they felt they were exceptional in their depth of friendship and ability to communicate their way through the inevitable difficulties they would face in such a marriage. Over the years, they have constantly been reminded of how little prepared they actually were for the marriage and yet, also, how much their love for one another has empowered them to work through the tough times. In this part of the their conversation, the Jensens touch on why they stay together. They describe how they manage to find peace with the choices they have made by seizing on the good in their relationship while working through the more challenging aspects.

Wayne, I wish you could get to know Mikeal and Mandi in person. They are an amazing pair! Yes, they have had their rough times together, but that only makes them stronger and even more amazing.

http://twitter.com/IcarusArts Joshua Ligairi

Wow. Fascinating. It does feel a little tragic, but they are such a strong and beautiful couple.

jul

What happened to the 3rd installment? I would love to see more of their story. They are an amazing couple.

Jeralee

I have my computer volume up all the way & at times can barely hear esp. Kendall’s voice…

W

Such an amazing couple – yes there is sadness but the self-sacrifice is beautiful and shows such a deep and abiding love. I love this couple!!

Miriam

My husband is gay. He kept it a secret from me until I found out 14 years into our marriage. At that point he had been having multiple (too many to count) encounters from Craigslist or hiring prostitutes. He stayed after work for hours to watch gay porn. When he was “caught” and confronted, he said he didn’t want that lifestyle anymore. He repented and I forgave him. That was 9 years ago. He still keeps secrets and says he is attracted to me, but we only have sex maybe twice a year and I have to initiate it. He says he loves me and while he is not acting upon his desires to have sex with men, he still has them. I feel like I have been emotionally, mentally and in some ways, sexually abused. How do I find the strength to leave or how do I find the strength to continue to be in this marriage knowing things will never change. We’ve been married 22 years. I am so heartbroken. How did this become my life? Is there any forum that you know of where I can talk to other women who have gone through the same thing as me?

kw

Miriam – thank you for sharing your story. It is so sad and frustrating that you have gone through such a difficult relationship. Have you tried joining any Facebook groups for support and understanding? Both the Mormons Building Bridges and Mormon MOFIA: Mixed Orientation Families In Affirmation groups have been helpful.

mandi

Miriam, dear!!! Bless you!! you may contact me at princess_mandilyn@yahoo.com and I can point you in a few directions, or at least give you a space to breathe. Know that you are of GREAT value and there is happiness there for the taking. xoxo

romina

Hello Miriam,
I was married for 16 years, 4 kids and a business together. I never was in love with my ex. I never had a boyfriend. I came to Canada when I was 14. I did not know what a boyfriend is supposed to be like. I did not even know he had “attraction” to me. But he proposed when I was 23 in front of an upscale restaurant watching. I never felt there was any connection but there is friendship that I thought I could work on to make it bloom. It never did. No matter how hard I tried, I felt like nothing, undesired, unvalued, embarrassed at my own body, ashamed of my constant sexual need, and believed that I was a horrible being and that there was definitely something wrong with me. He had taken control of My life and stripped me of any financial autonomy. We always had financial issues. I always had to give him my paycheques, my Visa, MasterCard and my student savings portfolio that my mom had built for me, and later, any baby money that my relatives had given me for my babies, as well as all the money that he “borrowed” from my mom and relatives. I never saw it again. I did not know I was in abusive relationship. He never admitteded that he was gay.
Everyone is different. But after 14 years I had enough and finally had the courage to tell him I did not want to be his wife anymore, especially since I caught his text convo with another man in a sexual content and literally lied to me…”we better make it quick since my wife thinks I’m going grocery shopping…”
Umpteenth of counseling for myself. I even thought we could work it out. But I should’ve listened to my screaming heart. With the failing of our business, he did me a favor by kicking me out of the house. Hr never admit to anything but pointed his finger to me to say that I destroyed the marriage and our children. He declared war on me.
Miriam, please listen to your heart. Love yourself and you will love others around you. The universe will return your love. Choose life.

I’m sorry but I feel so sad for both of them!!!! Especially her! To be in a “loving relationship” without ever feeling fully and truly DESIRED, Is just so depleting to ones spirit and healthy self asteem. They can believe in whatever they want to, but the reality is ” Life is to be Lived” and I would add to that: fully! Instead, the way I see it, they are sacrificing their whole lives, so that one day, maybe, if their testimony turns out to be true, they can finally be “changed” and exalted, living happily ever after in eternity. I am not just being critical here, I am actually speaking from the personal experience, I have living this kind of “test” with my ex Mormom wife, and I can only say that I know that a woman deserves to be desired, loved, made love to etc, the way she should to. He will never be able to give her that, and just look at her body language, she doesn’t look to me like some empowered being, fulfilled in her needs. Their lives, their story, but it’s not what marriage can and could be!

Mandi McBride Jensen

Sn- I want you to know with complete confidence that the people you see in this video have taken the pieces of their love, faith, and aspirations and have cultivated a fulfilling and extremely happy life- together. There is greatness in the marriage covenant which we have been abundantly blessed. We are LIVING, happily in the now and not just waiting for “someday.” I most definitely was not living fulfilled at the time- but the key is that I was willing to walk the path that my heart and my spirit led me. We aren’t meant to live fully and joyfully every moment. The moment that Kendall captured was just that- a moment. A hard, gut-wrenching moment that was part of the intricate narrative and fiber of our personal creation. I wouldn’t trade those gut-wrenching moments for anything because they created in us an assurance of our truth: that we are good together. That our marriage is right. That God is so aware of and so involved in our details that every single tear and laugh is put to use for our learning and becoming.
Rest assured, we are happy. I pray the same blessings to you.

Chuck

Yeah, that resonates nicely, …we can’t expect to live joyfully all the time… I’ve had some great classes, I
Under grad, grad, post grad, that were just that, Great, but at the time, required research, work, perseverance. Learning , experiencing, requires the same. I really like how these two converse, laugh, look at each other. There’s no icky sweet sap, but there’s love, and concern, and empathy, and fulfillment in one another here. I’m so glad I don’t miss that, I’m so glad I see that.

Rebecca

Mandi and Mikeal, Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m not Mormon but I have the background of a Baptist/Mennonite/Evangelical upbringing of sorts. I’ve been married to my husband for almost four years and he is gay. We love each other very deeply and want to do the best thing, and I think in watching your interviews I see a similar relationship to ours in that–I had to laugh out loud when you, Mandi, talked about going through a stage of considering your own sexual expression and trying to style a little more boyish with less soft edges, my goodness how familiar that sounds to me right now.
About a month ago, we/he came out in a blog post to everyone we know. We are still trying to figure out what it all means, and have been our whole relationship, and will be I’m sure for as long as we are together. I just wanted to say that you two are awesome and I have a lot of respect for you being willing to communicate reflectively about your sixteen years so far. It gives great insight to others who are wandering along a similar path.