Are you a bad wife if you don’t perform oral sex on your husband?

Some husbands whose wives refuse to perform oral sex on them complain that other women do this for the men they love and if their wife really loved them they would do it; but some women are not comfortable with oral sex, whether to give it or receive it. If you’re absolutely not willing to perform oral sex on your spouse your spouse should be able to accept how you feel about it and not try to pressure you or guilt-trip you. Oral sex is like the countless sex positions that have been invented. It is not a necessary part of the sexual experience. It might enhance the sexual experience but lack of it won’t result in bad sex unless someone chooses to make it that much of an issue.

More on the Discussion

One of the most common remarks made in the comments below by husbands complaining that their wives refuse to perform the above mentioned sex act is that their wives loved doing it before they got married but as soon as they got the ring on their finger then all of a sudden they stopped doing it and changed their tune as far as how they felt about the act.

If a woman loves performing oral sex she loves performing oral sex. Getting married will not suddenly result in her no longer loving any particular sex act that she loved before she got married. If your wife seemed to love doing it while you were dating then started saying she hated doing it after you got married, it is more likely that your wife never loved doing it in the first place. Otherwise, if she really did enjoy it and now acts suddenly repulsed by it, something is going on that is making the act repulsive to her. Like some people commented below, if you care enough then try to work with your wife to identify and resolve the issue.

Has something about you changed and could that be why your wife’s reaction to you has changed?

More often than not when we’re dating we go above and beyond to make sure everything is just right as we prepare for intimate times; but when we get married we take a lot of things for granted. Both men and women do this. Many of us don’t continue to go the extra mile. We’re only too glad to be in a position where we don’t have to work nearly as hard; and again this is not only true for women in marriage. It is also true for men. We slack off because there’s nothing we’re trying to win anymore and eventually we get into a pattern of living where we take each other for granted. Where we once saw each other as someone to work extra hard to please in order to win, we reach a point of not seeing each other as someone to work extra hard to please in order to keep. So we stop doing the extra stuff particularly when it comes to keeping up with the things that create and maintain attraction. People like to say that as long as a woman feels loved and secure she will open up sexually. It’s important for a woman to feel loved and secure, but she also needs to still be attracted to you or at the very least (or is this the most important point?) she can’t find you physically repulsive and still happily welcome your penis anywhere near her much less in her mouth. And it doesn’t have to be that you got fat or ugly. It could be your smell even. Whatever the source of the repulsion, only women who get paid for sex in some way usually have the ability to still perform despite it.

So are you in some way repulsing your wife? Since we’re talking about wives with aversions to performing oral sex, maybe your penis smells bad? There’s a possibility your smell might have changed due to not going the extra mile with preparing for intimacy like you did during the dating stage. And sometimes when that means you put your penis in your wife’s face one too many times while it has a smell that’s repulsive to her, you can kill what’s left of her attraction to you. The same way a scent can be powerful in attracting people to you, it can be equally effective in its power to repulse people and make them recoil from you. It would certainly to be worth it to talk to your wife and rule this out as a possible reason or identify in as a contributing factor.

Whether your wife was pretending to love giving you oral, or she did love it but something changed and she stopped wanting to do it on you, it’s not impossible to change the situation to your liking if you and your wife truly care about each other. You can be sure if your wife truly cares about you she’s not happy about the situation either because she does want to please you. She does want to make you happy in any way she can; but for her this is not just a simple matter of deciding not to have a problem and proceeding to blow your mind after making that decision.

You can be sure that approaching your wife with some of the below attitudes won’t result in her overcoming whatever aversion she has to the act. And what is it that you most want? Is it comradery with other angry, disgusted fed up husbands whose wives aren’t giving them blow jobs or an improved relationship with your wife that sees you having better sex and getting what you want out of your intimate encounters with her? How can that happen if your feelings towards her are so ugly that you would rather simply trash her here or elsewhere online than go to her and talk with her honestly, openly, respectfully about your feelings and desires and your concerns that her neglect as you perceive it could cause major problems for the two of you and possibly end your marriage?

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Are you a bad wife if you don't perform oral sex on your husband?, 5.9 out of 10 based on 46 ratings

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About the author

Hi, though my real name is not Soliel, it is the name I have chosen to represent myself here. I am a freelance writing wife and mother who is in no way an expert in the subject of love and marriage. My posts, particularly any posts that appear to be giving advise or providing answers to questions, should be regarded as an expression of my personal opinion on the subject of discussion. Nothing I write is meant to be presented as if coming from an expert source. I have no professional qualifications or specialized knowledge in marriage and relationship fields of study. I am not a marriage counselor nor do I have any background in counseling. I present my thoughts much in the same light as a mother, sister or friend might. I only hope to help contribute to the ongoing conversation about love and marriage relationships and what makes them succeed or fail. If you disagree with something I write you are welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment. I do get to approve or disapprove my comments so please keep in mind that comments intended to offend are not likely to be approved. If anything I write offends anyone I do offer my sincere apology.

182 comments

Not true. The same can be said of foreplay if your opinion is right. Some of my closest friends and I have had the same experience with our wives. Oral sex was great before marriage, and after marriage, it became a chore. Men like oral sex as much as women love foreplay and cuddling after sex. Most articles of good sex encourage men to be sensitive to a woman’s needs, and gives ample instructions as to how to satisfy our female partners. Oral sex is not only a turn on, it represents that our lover (wife) is willing to give us pleasure. As wives continue to avoid giving their husbands oral sex, husbands will continue to find other avenues to satisfy their sexual needs. I do not advocate for cheating on your spouse, but if your spouse doesn’t want to satisfy you, it opens the door for division and separation. Women love to receive oral sex, but act as if the penis is disgusting…and that is simply not fair.

I get a bj or 69 at least once or twice a month. With three kids, washing clothes, dinner and taking care of the kids is way more important than oral sex. I dont advocate any married man to divorce over this issue until the kids are out of the house. It would terrible for any father to do that. Selfish too. I would rather see man have a Mistresses or prostitute then to divorce .

I have been married for 27 years. Prior to marriage my wife was all over me and gave oral sex without requests.. 27 years later I would have to get her drunk. That is the only way she is worth a shit in bed. sober she is a shrew. I have contacted and hired a divorce attorney. I will lose half of what I have earned while she sat and home not sucking my dick. My advice is don’t marry them. Give them the 4 f’s. Findem, Fingerem, F**kem, forgetem.

My wife does not enjoy performing oral sex. I enjoy performing oral sex on her and our sex life is fulfilling enough that I don’t have any grievances about the fact that she doesn’t reciprocate. She has reasons to feel the way she does which I certainly will not get into here but they involve childhood abuse. You just never know what is at the bottom of a woman’s discomfort with putting a penis in her mouth. It’s a big deal for some and not a big deal for others. It really shouldn’t be an issue to the extent that it causes problems in a marriage. That’s ridiculous.

WTF is wrong with people. There’s a trend on here that if anyone says anything remotely suggesting it’s not okay to make oral sex such a big issue as if it’s not possible to have good sex without it their comment gets thumbs down no matter if it’s reasonable or not. This is so depressing. Are all men really like this?

This is how I caught herpes from my husband. One day after I just couldn’t take the complaining anymore about how I won’t give him oral sex I decided to give him a blow job. I now have herpes for the rest of my life on account of he caught herpes from a prostitute and didn’t know it. Probably wouldn’t have told me if he’d known either.

My husband and I f**k regularly; and by regularly I mean at least 4 nights every week and sometimes multiple times in one night and it’s not because I love to f**k until my p**sy is raw and sore. He’s just a f**king sex addict and if I tell him I don’t want to do it he makes me do it anyway. And when I say he makes me do that’s what I mean. He’ll force f**k me. He f**ks me like he’s going out of his mind, like it’s been 12 years since he had sex instead of 12 hours. I do everything with him and by everything I mean every f**king thing that was ever invented in sex and I do it whether I want to do it or not. And wouldn’t you know the f**ker still seeks the services of prostitutes even while he’s getting sex at home on a regular basis. So it’s not the case that men only pay for prostitutes when their wives don’t keep them satisfied.

Wouldn’t it have been much easier to take care of him in the first place. I don’t like it either, but I figure if he can get out of bed at 5 every morning not come back until 6 at night, and still manage to help me out with the kids and a little around the house on occasion, it is definitely not too much to ask. For almost a year, I barely did it at all, but after I started doing it at least once a month the romance just surged back into our relationship. All I can say is once a month is a whole lot better than herpes. Plus the romance has been way better. You have the key, if you will just use it.

So you’re telling this woman that’s what she gets for not taking care of her husband in the first place? And where in her comment does it tell us when her husband slept with a prostitute? How do we know his sleeping with a prostitute had anything to do with her not giving him a blow job? Not that it makes a difference one way or another. The woman clearly had a reason to not want to give her husband a blow job. We don’t have access to the info. We don’t know why she didn’t want to do it. We don’t know her and we don’t know her husband so to imply that she got what she deserved for not taking care of her husband in the first place is presumptuous, cruel and irresponsible. You giving your husband a blow job a month or giving him one every day is no safeguard against him going out and sleeping with other women from whom he can contract disease. There are men who will cheat while having sex regularly with their wives. It happens quite often; and some cheat with prostitutes. And many a wife like yourself who has bragged about how well she takes care of her husband has been hit with the shock of her life to find out she still wasn’t enough for her husband even while she was doing everything he wanted and doing it frequently.

What is interesting to me is that you say yourself that you weren’t always giving your husband blow jobs. You wrote “For almost a year, I barely did it at all”; so I wonder, if your husband had gone seeking a prostitute while you weren’t taking care of him in the first place as you put it to the OP, would you have deserved to catch herpes from him when you finally decided to start doing it after that year of not doing it?

Instead of telling someone whose situation you know nothing about that they wouldn’t have gotten herpes if they were taking care of their husband in the first place, try to contribute something more useful to the discussion. Sure, you’ll get hundreds of thumbs up from the guys on here for your comment; but how will you have really helped anybody?

At the point where she refuses. I’m so glad I’m not married. Mine refuses too. But I’ve told her I’ll pay someone to do it. I get it about not wanting to make a partner do what they don’t want to. But she’s all good for receiving it. It’s gross but I used to do it anyway because I loved to please her. Now I have told her I refuse. She seems happy with thats. I’ve told her it’s not a happy arrangement and I will go elsewhere. If I didn’t have kids she’d be gone. She doesn’t love me or she’d want to make me happy. I get people have reservations but in a long term relationship you st least try, or explore. I wanted a vest friend. My vest friend is someone I can tell anything to. I cant tell her I want a blow job because I have given up. So if she’s not my best friend who would do anything for me, I’m not marrying her. She keeps nagging for a ring. “If you like it then he should have put a ring on it” I totally agree. A nice red lipstick ring at the bottom of my shaft would be great. But it’s not going to happen. I don’t see to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to please me. She said stop asking. I said, be very worried when I stop asking. I can’t wait until I stop asking. I was with her one year, no anniversary blow job despite her getting it daily and never reciprocating. I said I feel it’s selfish. She said ” get me pregnant and I’ll give you a bj every week of my pregnancy. My daughter is 2 now and I love her. I thought if she actually meant it, she would learn that pleasing your partner outweighs the displeasure if pussy juice/man cock. No it was a lie and she trapped me. I was ready to dump her after our anniversary and I let her bullshit me. Not gone to a hooked yet. Maybe will have an affair with someone who appreciates my tongue. Why should I have a broken home. I was lied to.

Wow cassie, that sucks. I don’t get why your comment has so many thumbs down. Your husband gave you herpes and these men couldn’t care less. They don’t want to hear anything about what women are putting up with in reality. It is truly depressing to read some of these comments.

I have been selecting a prostitute in Nevada because after 27 years of my wife being either cold or disinterested I want some passion or at least faked passion on the chicks part. I no longer care. I am sorry that you now have a std and I might get one to but the whore that I have selected is really hot and my wife at one time was just as hot but now is 250 pounds. I am tired of navigating the muffin top.

I am male and some of the things I read online from men who want to take up arms and wage war against their wives for refusing to suck them off is disturbing. It’s little wonder these men are unhappy in their marriages. I’d be intrigued to find out their levels of education and if it so happens they actually graduated from college I’d hardly be surprised to learn they partied their way through in misogynistic frat boy style. I pray none of them are fathers of daughters, but sadly many are.

This is just my opinion but you sound “henpecked”. I got through undergrad, received a masters degree and am finishing my doctorate and I would never marry a women if she did not want to perform oral sex. I wouldn’t judge or look down on her. I would just chalk it up to sexual incompatibility.

I agree with you that a person’s level of education doesn’t mean anything. Look at you as a perfect example. You’re finishing your doctorate and you can sit there and write with a straight face that your sexual compatibility with a woman is decided on the point of whether or not she will suck your cock. That’s not the thinking of an intelligent person so quite obviously you are proof that one can be highly educated and still unreasonably stupid. There are tons of “educated” people in the world who are narrow minded and ignorant. When you say you wouldn’t marry a woman if she didn’t want to perform oral sex you are basically admitting that no woman will be worthy of being your wife unless she’s willing to suck your cock. You’re saying that if a woman won’t suck your cock then she’s worthless to you. Do you tell that to the women you date? If you do tell them, can you share (honestly if you dare) which are the types that accept this prerequisite? How many intelligent, emotionally and mentally balanced women who love and value themselves agree to have their worthiness to be in your life reduced to their willingness to suck your dick?

Get over yourself! All your suppisitions sound more like your own issues. Nowhere did I ever say a woman was not worthy to me if she did not perform oral sex on me. What if I said that I would not marry a woman if she did not cook? Being as though I do not know how to cook, i would like like to be with someone who could. I am not very handy, however, I do everything thatni can to make enough money so that if my significant other needs her car fixed, I can afford a competent mechanic. It is called a relationship/partnership. Again if a woman I was interested in did not like performimg oral sex, being that I love to receive and do not mind giving, why waste both our time? She could go out and find a man whom receiving oral sex is not a priority and she could be happy. If this makes me shallow in your opinion, so be it. I am sure you would never want to be in a relationship with me nor i with you. I would also not want to be with someone who is judgmental which you appear to be. I have encountered this issue before. I told my then girlfriend that I believed that she woild happier with someome else. She thanked me for my honesty and we parted on good terms. She is now happily married and I attended the wedding. Again no fault on either side. Just diferent wants.

Education and intelligence have nothing to do with it. Every normal human has sexual desires, and if that person spends their life being denied fulfillment of those desires, they will never be happy. When choosing a spouse the MOST INTELLIGENT thing to do is choose someone who makes you happy. And if that means only marrying some one who will suck you off, then so be it. There are plenty of women willing to do it. Why settle for less?

Dears
Making sex in different ways always depend on love between the two and oral is not issue but it depends how you two motivate each other and fufill this natural need not self created by two.Sex is nature not a creation and managing it in manner is like a dream which brings pleasure but if you feel it nightmare dream then its thinking fault.happy couples know how to enjoy each other sextually mentals may fight on other issues also.I am dead sure.

It says a lot about a person that won’t give their spouse oral. It’s not so much a question of if not performing oral on him makes you a bad wife; rather, it’s that you’re not willing to put forth the effort and “endure” a couple of minutes of doing something you may not completely enjoy to please your husband. I would say the same thing about a man who refuses to submit to his wife’s desires and go down on her. There’s a much bigger issue. Completely selfish.

I have been married almost 9 years and have NEVER gotten a blowjob, not once! I’ll go down on her whenever and wherever she wants for as long as she wants. I NEVER deny her anything she may want me to do to her or her doing to me.

Sure, I can have sex just fine without that foreplay, but the fact that she absolutely won’t do it for me has really made me resent her over the years. I’m in good shape and I’m very clean and trimmed, she just says she doesn’t like doing it. Guess what! I don’t like working all day; I don’t like having to fix the car, clean, mow the yard, cook, and do many of the other things I do for our marriage, but that’s life! If I didn’t do those things I just listed, other areas of our lives would suffer. Same goes for oral.

It’s really gotten to the point that I don’t want to have sex with her anymore. I won’t leave her or cheat on her, but I’m just not attracted to her anymore. Your denial of your husband is saying a lot more to him than you think.

haha American women are very selfish. I hear the story often about the husband or boyfriend willing to lick the cesspool between their legs and they wont do their wifely duties.. eventhough they sucked it dry while dating. been there.. the next ones will suck it at my will or I will replace.

Yea! Really makes me mad. If I divorce her she’ll tell everyone that its because she won’t go down on me. She use to do it. But now it’s stop. Bait and switch. I feel bad I wanna leave her over this. Am I wrong. I give it to her and she enjoys its. But when I ask for it I’m rude. And she says she doesn’t like it. Idk what to do. Is this a real reason to leave my wife???? I need help. I love her. I don’t wanna cheat. But I almost like head as much as sex. I’m not asking everyday either even though I deserve it everyday. I’m a good man. I go to work found a great home for her. Buy her all the cloths and shoes she wants. I’m loving and kind. Someone be honest with me and tell me if I’m being too hard on her.

I have been married for 36 years. My wife and I did not have sex before we were married. I had a little trouble giving my wife oral pleasure at first and she objected to me trying at first. After I gave her oral pleasure for the first time she had her greatest orgasm and has liked receiving oral sex ever since. I gave her oral sex for the first time because I thought she should experience it and if she liked it I could put up with the mental discomfort. I realized after her first oral pleasure that I really liked the taste and scent of her cum. I now enjoy giving her oral pleasure as much as she enjoys receiving it. My wife has never given me oral pleasure. She has never tried. 36 years. It really hurts because I now realize that I will never experience a blow job from my wife. It is hard not to wonder how a person could love someone and not want to please them. She is a great wife and a great mother but we are not lovers. I feel an emptyness that only my wife can fill.

I feel so sorry for you guys that give o pleasure to your wives, and gladly so
without ever recieving it again. What happens I wonder? I too would give bj to
hubby whenever at a heart beat, and do so. I actually love his tightening muscles
and moans….and yes the power I feel at having that electric effect on him. BUT
he doesn’t feel the urge or drive to reciprocate. I have hang ups and asking him
to reciprocate. He has erectile problems which means that we don’t always have
coitus only foreplay with satisfaction. So am putting up with a whole lot
you would think that such a man would be gratefull and PLEASURE you like
nobody business, but no. Perhaps the EGO is too much of a load.

My husband and I are 32 and have been married for 6yrs and have had a very good sex life average 4xWeel. Usually I give him BJ to start the sex and when he is ready I stop and we have sex. A few months ago I gave him a BJ to compelition and now that’s all he wants. Now When I do it and stop so we can have sex he seems really dissaponted. He give me this look like ya I guess when can we can just have sex now. Or he will insist that I keep going. And if I don’t again he seems disappointed. We used to have very open communication about or sex life and now if I say one little thing he flips out. Tonight I wanted to have sex and he just just kept watching TV. I ask him what was up and he said its not fare because he told me he has been wanted a BJ to completion for a month now and I still haven done it. Here’s the deal when I start off with one to get him ready and I stop for sex he looks so disappoint. I honestly would mind doing it if he would just show some appreciation for the rest of me and not seem like have regular sex is something he will put up with. In the argument he was saying that I was wrong not to so what he says and because of that when we have sex all he can thing about is this is all I’m goong to get for the rest of his life. I feel like he is super lucky that we have sex at least for days a a week. But now he is making me feel like I’m not good enough. Now it’s like I don’t want to even start off with one cause I hate the look in his eyes when I stop like dammit now all I get is vigina. Also he used to complain that I wouldn’t him do anle cause I don’t like it. Well now we do it everyonce and a while. I thought that once I let up off that he would be happy cause it was basically the same argument. Now he gets that and now I’m a shitty wife cause I won’t do full BJs. What am I suppose to d I give an inch Nd he takes a mile nothing is ever good enough. Can someone please help?

ANY woman who is good enough to give oral to her partner FULLY deserves to have the partner reciprocate. I feel sorry for any person who thinks of oral sex as dirty or imoral. It is a beautiful part of sex, as it was meant to be. A full sex life between two people is what holds the relationship together. Very few men would look elsewhere for sex when they have a woman who keeps herself in shape and makes sure her man is well taken care of. Same goes for the men in the relationship.

he is lucky to have a wife that will take oral all the way occasionally. I haven’t enjoyed that since I was dumb enough to marry her. I take care of her often and enjoy it but would like it back. The she last did a full bj in 1986 when we were in college at Texas Tech in my dorm room. she was wild then and now she is boring.

Sean,
I have been their, done that, and will not do it again. Bro, in order for you mantain your marriage vows, this should be the last item that you ever read regarding sex on the internet (temptation, anger, and resentment are growing within you). The end of your marriage is closer that you think.

Imagine if can, what sex acts did Eve perform on Adam, in order to make Adam decide to disobey God.

Same exact story as you my friend, married 9 years and 3 kids and my wife never even touched my penis. I mean never did she touch it or saw me naked in light. 9 years of marriage we never had sex in daylight. I please her oral sex every time we have sex. She never once touched my penis. Same exact feelings and resentment as you described. Completely selfish….

Guess what, I resent the fact that even though I am very uncomfortable receiving or giving oral sex my husband is punishing me with coldness and hatefulness, lack of intimacy, almost like living with the enemy. My husbands DENIAL of my personal feelings and unconcern or consideration of trying to figure a way to work this out so we can BOTH be happy has made me RESENT him so much that I no longer DESIRE him at all.. SO guys this is a two way street……….Selfishness destroys RELATIONSHIPS!

What I understand is that you don’t like giving oral. And now ur mad he resents it. Ur the only wife he got. And ur gonna deny him. U are a messed up wife. He should leave you. If he cheats don’t be surprised

OK, this is old as shit, but I have to say in response to your message….SERIOUSLY!!! You are telling us that the idea of spending a few minutes with his penis in your mouth causes you such discomfort and mental anguish that he should not ever expect it or even mention it. It is worth ending your marriage over…HE JUST WANTS YOU TO PLEASE HIM. Let me say it again, HE JUST WANTS YOU TO PLEASE HIM. Oral can feel good, IMO vaginal is much, MUCH better, but I want my wife to do something for me that is ONLY intended to please ME. It proves to me that she loves me and cares about pleasing me. Is that selfish, it only would be if I weren’t willing to do the same….read that again girls. It’s not selfish if I will do the same. I am so tired of the bullshit excuses that women give. Here’s my favorite:

Man: If you loved me you would do it.
Woman: If you loved me you wouldn’t ask me to do something I don’t want to do.

Men, if you ever get that response, here is what you say. “No, I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to, what I want is for you to want to please me! What I want is for you to meet me half way, go as far as I’m willing to go, that is all I ask. Got problems in the past related to this…give them up. When you married me you were supposed to leave that all behind. What if I said my ex used to make me take out the trash and fix the car, and vacuum, and clean the bathroom and I hated doing it all, would that absolve me of ever having to do it again?” OK, well, maybe don’t say all of that, but you get the idea.

Parting thought: Though many things are cited as the number 1 cause of divorce, the most likely true cause (beneath all others) is the following as said by a marriage counselor:

“The most common issue I see with couples who are struggling in marriage is a lack of intentional investment in their marriage. And to be quite frank, women are most often guilty of this. The main reason is that they take on roles and responsibilities that investment in their marriages eventually comes last. It’s after the kids and after the laundry and after the floors and after the bathrooms, it’s somehow less important than anything else. Men do make the same mistake, don’t get me wrong, they put the marriage after their friends or the bar, or video games, or work, they just tend to not do it as often as women do. I think it’s because most men are wired to please, that’s what gets them off.”

I couldn’t have said it better, and couldn’t agree more. That is what makes it so frustrating for us, we are so deeply ingrained in the idea of pleasing our women, that we don’t understand when they won’t do the same for us. And it is so deeply felt that it feels like a betrayal.

I’ve been married for 17 years and known my wife 19yrs. She has never given me a BJ or licked my balls or even just kissed the shaft of my penis. She thinks oral sex is disgusting..unless of course she is on the receiving end in which case she loves it.
I have tried to talk to her about it, tried to ask her why she wont do it for me and I have told her how much it would mean to me. Flat refusal.

As one poster here said earlier, theer are parts of his job he hates but he does them, he doesn’t like mowing the yard, chopping wood etc but its life, its the package…he does all these things for the good of the house, the family.
Surely the same should apply to the good of the marriage?

I have also become to resent my wife over the years because of this. I have heard that a prostate massage can be really exciting….but I’m not going to even go there…if she thinks a bj is disgusting what on earth will she think about putting a finger up my bum?

I’m in the same boat you’re in, I give my husband oral
anytime he wants it and I enjoy doing it, it really turns
me on. But guess what? I don’t get it in return, and I
love it. I want him to do it so bad but he never does
and I don’t know why either. It really bothers me that
he won’t, because I love it so much. I don’t know what
to do. I continue giving him oral, because I enjoy it to
but I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t get it in return.
Do you have any suggestions?

You women better listen close to these threads: I could not agree more with the statement above. This issue “alone” may end our 20 plus year marriage with 3 young kids. You women may think this don’t matter….it does. The resentment of the fact that you don’t care will continue to grow, if you did care, you would give as much as you receive. If you cared a lot, you would give more than you receive. The women that take the easy road and don’t take care for their man will get what’s coming to them. At best he will have affairs on you, and you will deserve it or he will just leave you? He may very well end up hating your guts over time for not loving and caring for him? He cares for you, but you don’t care for him. Women amaze me…they just don’t get it! Men are easier to take care of than a flea bitten stray mutt dog! Rub behind our ears a little and tell us you love us and we are fine! Pretty simple huh! Suck us off once a week and we will think you hung the moon!

S.H Waters,
Me and my wife been together for 23 years… infidelity from both parties. Even after I thought we have worked it out I still perform oral on her, no question asked… I ask she refuse. Hey I do not push the issue, but it is frustrating knowing that if you(i.e. me) do not perform oral, I am selfish and do not care… yet and still. She refuse to kiss and perform oral. So I am the jerk?
I was told by my Grandfather” if you did it when you dated her, you better keep doing it… for someone else will”…. him and my grandmother was married for over 60 years before he passed.

Based on many years of asking husbands about this I would say that most wife only suck dick when they are drunk or special occasions. I am about to divorce my wife because after many years I cant stand to have sex with her anymore. She has let herself go, wont suck it , and I am tired of fighting off her muffin top.. Chicks, let me tell you big TITs caused due to being fat IS NOT A TURN ON.

I have not stopped giving my husband head after we got married.. however I don’t do it as often since he doesn’t bother with foreplay.. it also depends on if he tries to take to much control I’m not a submissive female.

Here boys, have at this one. A freebie for you to thumbs down. I’m guessing the people who have commented here and are ganging up on any man who calls men ridiculous for making such a federal case out of the fact that they don’t get head from their wives, are not getting head from their wives and are pissed off about it and don’t want to hear anything other than comments supporting their idea that they have a right to receive frequent BJs from their wives.

I’d love to hear how that idea went down with the chicks you dated before you got married. You knew you didn’t have a right to a bj then I guess. But marriage gives you that right is that it?.

Maybe you should have told your future wife that you were only willing to marry her so long as she was willing to perform fellatio on you; but you probably wouldn’t have dared would ya? Nah, you wouldn’t have wanted to give the impression that you were only wanting to marry her so you could have a full-time live-in toy to do with whatever you wanted because then, she probably wouldn’t have married you would she?

I think anyone male or female who thinks they have a right to receive oral sex from their partner is hopelessly out of touch. Just because you desire it doesn’t mean your partner should do it if they love you. If your wife has a fetish and wants you to get on all fours while she prods you an**ly with some thick long implement are you obligated out of love to oblige her? Not saying oral sex is a fetish so don’t even jump on that. Point is if your partner doesn’t like a sex act and won’t do it and you can’t live with that you shouldn’t be married. Get divorced.

In anticipation of your thumbs down, envision a middle finger sticking up with a long nail painted red.

I agree with this. Get divorced. She changed, isn’t doing what she did before marriage to trap you then leave her. There is a woman out there for every man and a man for every woman so go find the right one not the one that just does whatever it takes to get you to marry her then change her tune. 😉

The pseudo-feminist has spoken! And surprise, surprise, it’s a rant of horseshit that misses the point and makes marriage sound like a legal arrangement or indentured servitude.
I’ll redirect you to the core feeling and sentiment that was expressed originally: “my wife doesn’t care enough to put forth the effort to please me in a way she clearly knows I desire and this is in spite of all my efforts and sacrifices and unpleasantness that I gladly endure with the thought of how it pleases her or benefits her or our marriage, family, and home.”
Nobody’s said anything about rights, requirements, duties. This may be a novel concept to you, but it’s about a desire to please each other, about experiencing pleasure in just knowing you’re giving pleasure.
Also, it’s hurtful to be rejected and denied by the person to whom you’ve made a life commitment. You seem to really hate men and you knew that spewing your hate would get you “disliked.” But can you conceive of the notion that we do have feelings and are particularly vulnerable to the ones closest to us?

If you do not like the penis, you do not like the man. It is that simple. The biological need for intercourse is related to hormones that makes you feel good. The biological need for intercourse in order to get pregnant, is nothing more then to get the child. There is no liking the man at all. It is the biological need that makes them ‘endure’ intercourse. They loath the man for that too.
So the act of pleasing your spouse, often comes down to the act of giving oral sex to the man, is often refused by women that hate men. They are either hard core damaged men haters, or closed lesbians. So to all men out there that have wives with children and still don’t please you orally. Get out. Do not get involved in their hate, and start cheating on them. They will redirect their dislike of you then to the children. And as a cheater, the kids have a reason to be upset with you. DO not step in that trap. Mentally healthy people just leave. I am a woman and I derive great pleasure not only from giving head to my husband, I genuinely like the feeling of the velvet penis on my lips. It is a great sensation. I love men. I love them for who they are, for how they are different from women and for how they complete us. I love to please my man. So again, if the woman/wife does not want to please you, so does not enjoys herself and you. Her issues then are bigger; they don’t like men.

I think you all need to talk to your wives. Oral sex is an admission of total acceptance on the part of the he giver and total surrender on the part of the reciever. You must do it occasionally if you don’t like it or frequently if you do – both you spouses

Mebel you are exactly right that loving a man is the biological fact and loving a women is too its a parallel path and enjoyment for satisfaction is natural if some one deny the have 100 % other issue not the sex.Sex is an activity for making happy not angry.Abnormal man or women may angry after sex.

Nothing gives us guy’s a “right” to oral sex before or after marriage. But it’s great to receive it, end of story.
My wife doesn’t need to give me one every time I ask for it, but at least every so often would be a reasonable request surely?
If you are the type of guy who expects his wife to go down town at every insinuation then buddy, you have very little real respect for your wife, period.
That also goes for a woman who straight up refuses to give her partner oral on account of simply not liking it… Of course if there are other factors involved (like for eg. a history of abuse) then that’s totally understandable, otherwise what’s the deal?
I guess at the end of the day, what kind of people we are really defines the kinds of true pleasures we are able to enjoy with our life partners. Are we reasonable? or do we abuse our partners? Are we happy in our relationships? or is their some other underlying factor which we are not happy with which may influence our motivations to compromise? And how much time has passed not being truly happy on either side?

Bottom line, oral is a good thing in a monogamous relationship if the either partner enjoys it, but too much of a good thing is asking too much frankly and then a little self control and understanding needs to be exercised…

My wife used to give me BJ’s at least once a week in the first 3-4 years and now refuses to please me in that area full stop. She doesn’t like oral performed on her at all. But do I need conform to this reason or the fact that she doesn’t like it based on that fact? I just don’t know really…
I know for certain that I cannot expect it often at this point and do not force the subject, but I choose to not go without it for the rest of our marriage and so I pick up the topic from time to time. Cheating is not on the cards. But neither is me being unhappy in our sex life either…

Hey Shit Head, there is one MAJOR problem with your entire theory. When we were dating the women who would eventually become our wives, they were giving us oral sex so we didn’t know that it was ever going to be an issue after we got married. Like ten days after we got married if you are lucky enough to have it last that long! The real question is this : where do women get the idea that it’s okay to be a “dirty girl” and blow your guy when your dating but the second that ring hits your finger, oral sex suddenly becomes “icky” and “good girls” don’t do that icky stuff. Basically, like any other contract, we were all lied to by being shown a bill of goods that was false. We should all be able to get out of the contract with no repercussions, in fact we should be able to sue for damages.

I was very clear about what I expected and I kept up my part of the bargain. Its the women that cant seem to do it. If you ever sucked the dick before marriage then you must continue.. otherwise you are setting the stage for false expectations. While dating I received complete blow jobs.. loads in the back of her throat after marriage.. nada..

When you get married, there is an expectation that things will not change radically after the ceremony. If you’ve been giving oral sex prior to marriage, and then once the ring is on your finger you’ve called it quits on that, then you’ve been deliberately deceptive in the relationship and yes, you are a bad wife.

If this is something you’ve never done for him, then there is no reason for him to expect it now.

Think of it this way. Imagine your husband told you all during your courtship that he loved the idea of having kids. Then, once you were married, he ran out and had a vasectomy. Would seem a little unfair, wouldn’t it?

I’m asking this objectively and for conversation, not to accuse and finger point and encourage the endurance of hate and anger: How many things do you guys do when you’re courting that you stop doing once you’re married?
I have no complaints about my own marriage because my husband and I, before getting married, invested years into building a strong relationship founded on mutual respect, mutual concern and mutual consideration. I feel reading some of the things I’ve read on this site that the respect, the concern and the consideration are missing from most of these relationships on both sides of the equation.

As to my question, while I have no personal experience with my husband doing anything differently after we got married from what he was doing before we got married, I do have sisters and girl friends and I see firsthand the way marriage kills relationships. It isn’t just a matter of wives getting married and then stopping certain activities they were doing before they got married. There’s a breakdown between couples that precedes these changes. I wish people were willing to look at themselves first in trying to figure out where relationships go wrong. Rather than focusing on what your wife isn’t doing to please you, maybe try to figure out what’s different about you that makes her reaction to and her interest in you different? In what way might you have changed? What things might you have been doing during the courtship that you have stopped doing since you married? Don’t be too quick to say you changed nothing. Being unwilling to consider the possiblity that you might be equally responsible for what is going on doesn’t fix the problem. Choosing to believe your wife was deliberately deceptive is easy because then you can just be angry and call her names and make threats while you sit back and make no adjustments yourself.

Behind problems in the bedroom is always a bigger problem. Figure out what your bigger problem is and solve it if it can be solved. If it can’t be solved, and if you feel you can’t have a fulfilling sex life or a fulfilling marriage without oral sex, then maybe you need to divorce your wife.

That is my plan Linda. I am tired of feeling rejected by poor sex. I am not an animal and can live without a blow job…..but the disinterest is demoralizing. I will not live with this void any longer. After my daughters wedding it’s So Long……

I am getting a divorce after almost 30 years and am going to hire whores from now on. My divorce will cost me a lot of money and I would rather give it to the pros that actually care to take care of me instead of a wife that just wants to ignore me.

I am a woman, and I must totally agree with Mike. Men love oral sex. For men sex is primal. They are visual, they like to watch you love their body. Oral sex makes them feel like you accept everything about them even their primal needs, without it the feel rejected.

Wow, Maria… How’s that attitude working out for your marriage?
Imagine what you have when a marriage becomes infected with that kind of lazy inconsiderate thinking from either side. Each party just uses the other’s complacency as justification for their own and round and round we go.
How ’bout somebody try to reverse that cycle with a little selfless action and no sense of entitlement? Give a well researched, sloppy BJ. Plan a romantic night out. Send two dozen long-stemmed roses to the office at the beginning of the week (so all her co-workers can see), foot rubs, back rubs, special dinners, dirty texts/pics, long hugs, cuddle fights, naughty underwear (selected and worn by by her as a surprise that’s way more sexy than it is comfortable), a habit of always kissing goodbye in the morning and goodnight when you lie down together to sleep, spa days together, dirty movie night.
Get your asses in gear people. You made the decision to spend your life with this person. When they said it takes work, that wasn’t just idle banter. And don’t get all pouty when you don’t see instant results. Patience is the mortar that binds all these little bricks of gold.

this is my story. my wife was a virgin when i married her. we had really exciting “sex” whilst we courted. we did everything except me penetrating her(she had to be a virgin until married), and she would not go down on me. but she did promise she would after we got married. its been 7 years now, and she just wont do it. all she says is that she doesnt like it(although she hasnt even tried it), and that all her female friends dont do it either. i feel cheated by her empty promise, especially because she would not have married me unless we had a child. a condition i agreed to, even though i had 3 from my previous marriage. so i give her what she wants and she wont give me what i want. what would she have done if i hadnt kept my promise about giving her a child? by the way, she is the only woman that i have had sex with, who hasnt sucked me off! and i have had lots of them!

paul, sorry man, but that was totally your fault. You should have known what you were getting before getting married…..if she wasn’t willing to have sex prior to marriage, she sure should have been sucking you off like crazy. You messed up, no one to blame but yourself. Bottom line, women lie, twist and distort reality.

I don’t think it has anything to do with being a “bad spouse” but more with a sexual incompatibility if you don’t want to do it, and your partner desires it. I think the best marriages are ones where the spouses at least recognize what their partners like and desire sexually, and then do – without unreasonable demands being placed on them – their best to accommodate their partner. Give and take. I know are a woman if I were with a man who enjoyed this act and enjoyed that the fact that I perform it on him, then refused to reciprocate for me, I’d become resentful. Resentment builds, the unspoken kind is very dangerous.

Find a compatible partner. The worst, I think, is the old “bait and switch” … women who will do everything and anything PRIOR to getting the ring on their finger then once the ink on the marriage certificate is dry, POOF … the don’t want to “do that anymore” and tough luck for you.

My wife is like that too, it sucks. When she takes my cock into her mouth I feel like she accepts all of me unconditionally, its such an intimate moment that cannot be replaced by anything else. We used to have great oral sex prior to our marriage, now I cannot even get near her vagina to please her in any way. She does still perform on me however not as near as desired, however I am still doing my best to increase the frequency. You only get one life why live a life with resentment and rejection when your spouse is supposed to be your partner and lover and best friend….its sucks that she cannot see what I need (and every guy out there also needs this) perhaps she no longer cares, given the fact she has a nice house and a son and doesn’t need to work, maybe that’s all she wants anymore. Will keep trying though but just hurt and disappointed.

Married 25 years and I don’t ever get oral sex, I do ask for it sometimes though. Maybe once or twice a year, she will kiss around on it for maybe a minutes and that is it.
I give her oral sometimes, she seems to enjoy it.

I know one thing, if I had to do it over, no oral sex would be a deal breaker.

Upon reading your thought i almost said something foul. What sex act by men offers women the same service?

Housing, cash flow, social standing, appeareance of finanical security, etc. etc. In any so called healthy marriage, Men spend most of their time trying to provide and please their Women with things that make them happy. This is called foreplay Marie; a sex act……

Well Marie, that’s unfair do to the difference between men and women. To answer your question literally, I’d say “orally pleasuring their significant other.” But obviously that’s a tad unfair do to the fact that pretty much 998 out of every 1000 men absolutely love,love, loveeessss going down on women. So that’s the sex act a man gives a woman that offers “the same service” as you said. But what’s unfair about that argument is that not near to that percentage of women like to go down on men. Though there still is quite the percentage of them. But anyways, i feel that it should be a deal breaker. It’s important in my eyes.

Out of curiosity, I have spoken to woman who stop giving oral sex after a while. It seems they give bj’s cold, no warm up and they are left sexually frustrated. After he is finished, that’s it. Bj can gain negative associations as a result.
First, a woman needs to be warmed up, second she needs to go first. Giving bj cold and then being left hot is very unpleasant and gets old.
My husband and I have no problem giving oral sex to each other. We have foreplay, he gives me first and then I give him. We are both happy when we cuddle afterwards.
In our 10 yrs together, bj have positive associations for me. When I am turned on, my jaw does not hurt, I notice no particular smell or taste.
Unlike my fiends who are expected to put up with sexual frustration, taste and smells and all of this with no warm up.
Try it – warm her up, give her an orgasm and then you get the bj. Never leave her frustrated. You may actually get more bj’s.

As others have alluded to, the importance of oral sex to guys cannot be overestimated. It is primal, and it is the height of pleasure. My wife used to give me oral all the time when we were dating, and it continued into the first four years of our marriage. After that, the frequency waned and now she does not do it anymore (I’m saying to completion; she still does it as foreplay). I resent that she does not do it anymore … it feels like she is denying me the feeling of that pleasure. I could understand if she had not done it before getting married. You would know what you were getting going in. But to have one spouse change the terms of your (plural) sex life so drastically, is not fair at all. She knows that if she did this while we were dating, that I’d be gone. And it’s not like there was any sign then that this could be a future problem. She was totally gung-ho for it at that time.

“A bad wife”? No, but could things be better for the wife? Yes, It is normal for negative feelings when things are not going well in the house, to be erased when you know she cares about you enough to meet your needs. These posts sound like a broken record and I am a recipient of the same. Awesome oral sex before marriage and then the tap ran dry. I did not even ask her for this as I assumed it was against her beliefs. I thought I would just introduce this to her during our marriage. I married a very religious woman who is a great lady except for accepting and giving of this wonderful love. I recently (after 10 years) was able to give her some of the best orgasms she has ever experienced through cunnilingus. She was against me doing it but I was able to talk her into it and once the emotions started, she ran the course and begrudgingly admitted to me how great it felt. I have to beg her for me to pleasure her in this way and about once every two months she says ok. I agree that it is a two way street and the men should want to pleasure their lady sexually or any other way that meets their needs also. I asked her why she offered this before marriage but will not now, that she says she loves me even more now? She said she lost sight of her religious beliefs and now she is in tune to what God wants for her life. She also said she thought she would lose me…..

Well, while I do think It’s very selfish for women to suddenly stop doing things after marriage, you have to accept the fact that she was only giving you blowjobs in the first place so that you would marry her, I am due to get married soon and am very worried from constantly hearing about women doing this to people. In my opinion this happens because you allow it, if you allow her stop doing her best to make you happy and you keep doing your best to make her happy, it gives her great reason (inside her own head) to believe that it is okay because of one or two reasons, because you want to, or because you have to, she figures, “hey, I don’t have to do anything for him, cause he’ll keep doing for me no matter what”. If you let her become to believe that then all is lost in your marriage. Humans have a knack for taking advantage of other peoples wants and needs and that is exactly what they do, as women are still only human. And people don’t get me wrong this isn’t a one sided story, women almost feel the same as men do but in a different way about the subject. They may think, “If you really love me then you should go without this one thing so I can be happier”. But in truth, it is very hard to love someone who is seemingly not loving you. And I don’t see what the big deal is about putting a penis into you mouth!!! Vaginas are WAAAYYY more icky and gross and degrading to put your mouth on in my opinion (but I am a very icky and gross person so I happen to enjoy doing this though I do understand it is gross) So guys how bout we try NOT doing anything we don’t have to since they wont do anything they don’t have to? How bout NOT mowing the lawn, and NOT fixing the car, and NOT cooking, and NOT fixing the computers and NOT continuing to put up with such selfishness and disreguard for our feelings and needs. Let us understand NOW that just like everything else in life, marriage is what you make it and both of your opinions equally count, not just hers.

To bring UP an old post, I myself have been dealing with the same issue. For the five years prior to our marriage, I received blowjobs on a normal basis. I love the feeling of having her having control over my body. It’s not a dominatrix type of thing, but more an issue of trust. I am willing to surrender myself to my wife and allow her to have her way with me. In the past, it was a desired trait. But, now that we’ve been married for a year, it seems as though it is a “chore.” Just tonight, my wife pretended as though she understood my need for oral pleasure (not to full orgasm, just foreplay) and ended up leaving me empty handed, so to speak. I happily went down on her, as usual, but her lack of return is leaving me unfulfilled. I love my wife, and would never stray from her, but her lack of “returning the favor” is causing resentment from me. It’s beginning to get to me and I don’t know what I can do to resolve this.

tell her !!! women are not mind readers! if she truly loves you, she WILL want to please you…as long as she feels you want to please her and you continue to show her that you love her and show her respect …which should always be mutual.

Well all i know is if I would get oral sex from my wife more often I wouldnt go around posting stuff on craigslist and hooking up with married females and getting head from them. My wife knows I love getting that from her and she says the only reason she doesnt do it is because she knwos i like it so much. if she were to do it I would be the happiest guy on earth and would proceed to do all the romantic crap she likes aside from being faithful to her.

This is very, very simple from ALL heterosexual males point of view. Suck our di*ks!! It really is that simple. Women, wives, girlfriends….it makes us feel you value us as your man… period! Its not some f**king mystery question to ponder or study. It is not some psychological conundrum! Its you(woman) doing something for us(man). If you value our relationship in any meaningful way it doesn’t need to be a complicated thing. I dont give a f**k if you(woman) think is degrading, gross, weird, embarrassing, dirty, smelly, etc… We(man) do all kinds of stuff our entire live to make you(woman) happy and we do it for one simple f**king reason…to make you(woman) happy!
There is only one f**king reason why a women doesn’t suck their mans di*k. SELFISHNESS

Please understand this only applies to normal women who do not have a medical reason that prevents them from s*cking di*k.

Why do you think she is selfish? Selfish would be her taking more from you than she is giving. Are you certain that your assumption that she should s**k your d**k to satisfy you is not out of a sense of entitlement?
No one, not even men, are entitled to more than they give in a relationship. Every relationship is an exchange – if you expect unconditional love then you will be frustrated indeed. Only children get that.
You know that woman are not the problem. Man, women and both of our outsized expectation in relationships are problems.
Woman are not required to do specific sex acts to keep a man. Men and woman need to have a mutually satisfying relationship. Lots of bj for the man is not a woman’s idea of a happy marriage. It takes a lot more than that.
Woman don’t overvalue what men do and undervalue what woman do. You don’t get to decide the value of what you give in a relationship, the receiver does. Appreciate your wife and maybe she will appreciate you.

Quote: “Woman are not required to do specific sex acts to keep a man” YES THEY ARE. And the same goes for men. If a man or woman desires a specific sex act be a part of their sex life, and you refuse your partner that desire, you will either lose him/her OR you will have an unhappy/unfaithful/resentful partner and you will destroy your marriage. IT REALLY IS THAT SIMPLE.

FACT: If you won’t satisfy your partners desires simply because you don’t enjoy the act, then you don’t truly love your partner

My best friend was telling me last night that her fiance’s ex-wife never gave him head..if she did it was only twice a year!! She never would let him do it doggy style either!! I could not believe it!!

So this morning I have been researching this….which has lead me to this site…and I can say I am absolutely SHOCKED!! I do everything with my husband of 12 years, and with great frequency…and I absolutely love it!!

It gives me great pleasure to hear him moan while I suck him off…and to hear him cry out when when have anal sex…I am so sorry to hear of the tragedy of other married couples’ sex lives.

In have been married for 8 years and referrer prior for 7…I have reviewed 1 bj from her in that time. I have often asked why she won’t and she says she just doesn’t like it, I go done on her regularity, I love it! Only because it makes her happy. I have sometime Los had to stifle throwing up because on the smell or taste but continue because she likes it. And would never tell her that. She said she would give me a bj several time but never holds follows through. I take it personally, I pick up the kids, make them lunches for school daily while she gets her makeup on, do dishes, sometimes help with laundry…etc etc etc. I love my wife…tremendously. But it frustrates the hell out of me sometime a feel like she finds me completely unatractive or worse sometimes because she won’t go any where near that area of my body. I’m not obese or anything, I’m clean and always trimmed. I find myself to be an attractive 34yo man. So what gives…

I’ve been married since 2008 and dated my wife since 2005. She always makes excuses for sex or giving me oral. Maybe we are incompatible our sex drives are very different. She s**ks my d**k everynow and then till I come. She does it before we have sex most of the time but does not continue. I love pleasuring her and f**king her even tho she has put on some weight over time I don’t care. But recently she just refuses to s**k my d**k.

I think I’m done with our marriage. I have a two year of child. I live with a sh*t job, messy house, eating at her parents most of the time, all the gardening, looking after the car, being bored out of my mine at her parents place. But something must be good in my life. I love my son but my relationship and needs are forcing me down the wrong path.

I dunno what to do. But from tomorrow I’m gonna stop wearing my ring and doing whatever I like. I will have sex with prostitutes and do what I want from now on. Life is too short to live unhappy. I’m 31 working a shit job and my house is a mess my wife is getting obese and I just don’t care anymore. If anything else went wrong I’d kill myself.

But I’m gonna separate with my wife as she longer the women…I married and I no longer feel loved.

hi, i am married for 24 years. my wife cooperates in all the ways. i had two girl friends before my marriage at diff time intervals. one was married then and older to me and she had agreed to do oral and we have had sex in all Kamasutra ways and she was loving me. The second gf too did sev times bj’s and had sex with me sev occasions. It is the mutual acceptance and as men we have to free them and love them utmost to enable they reciprocate to us. sex is the explosion of love…

Perhaps you should sit down and have a candid talk with your wife or husband about your problems instead of whining to strangers on the internet. There is only one way to fix a problem between a married couple and that means a serious discussion about it between both of you. You can’t expect a problem to be fixed if both parties don’t know the issue to the full extent. Good luck!

I think the problem is not, not receiving oral pleasures but the deceiving of it. I feel that a lot of males have been deceived that what we got from our girlfriends who later became wives in the sex department has been very misleading. I personally used to get head once a week when my wife and I where dating and now it’s been turned into a special occasion thing. Would I leave my wife over this? No, but it sure does make it harder for me to turn other women away when they flirt with me all the time.

Sh!t u guys don’t got it as bad as i do! I got the bait n switch with my wife! Now she doesn’t even want me to kiss her talking bout she doesn’t like saliva! Every time we have sex and I suck on her huge nipples, she wipes them off every 1-2 seconds! I cant kiss on her neck, face, etc, etc..don’t even think(!) of French kissing! ( which I love) n please don’t mention oral Around me or I will pull a bill Clinton on every girl that looks my way! Listen to this one: when we are f***king and she gets to wet, she wipes away the juices every minute or two because ” eww, its to wet and it doesnt look good”.!! Bet u never heard no retardedness like that before! Damn marriage is a time bomb! sh!t, and just to think she did ALL thAt before mArriage! And then women have the Audacity to wonder why we “color outside the lines” as is their totally devoid of a goddamn brain! Smh!

I am married for 5 years and this week I really feel enough with all this sh*t. We did a couple of mini BJ during first years of our marriage (we did not do it before marriage and when I say mini BJ it’s really 5-6 of simple lickings and that’s all – but I am still happy with that as I am not a difficult man).

I was happy to give her everything. I hate cooking and I hate dishwashing but still cooks her her favourite cuisines all the time and do the dish washing. However enough is enough. I have been watching porns and masturbating everynight to get rid of my desire to be bj-ed. I gave up today.

I am still with her at this home just for my cute little daughter that I love so much. No more love and I will start looking for someone else outside to give me my biological needs (even if I have to pay for it). That is the basic need of me (like eating), and I have to get it to survive.

It is 41 degree here outside. I just finished cooking her fave cuisine Indon vegie soup for her to eat tonight (and yes I did the dishwashing).

What a sh*tty f***ing life that I can not have some bjs for my whole life (just one life) and I cook her the best recipes even in summer like this.

If HIV does not exist, I swear that I will drive straight away to the closest prostitution centre of excellence, exchange my red Hyundai Getz with some bjs from those hot girls. And my life will be accomplished.

My 2-years old daughter, please grow up soon and get married. And then I will leave this house of SH*T !!!

My wife used to not only do oral but finish it, same with anal, once we got married things began to change, oral ecame a chore, although I kept up with all the romance, and affection, 1st out of nowhere she didnt like finishing , then she didnt like it at all, I was OK because she would do anal which was amazing. then the sex drive went, and still I kept up with the romance, all the little things women say they want

Then of course after kids, come the hemmhorroids, now I get it , it hurts, and Id never put her in that kind of pain… But dont you think maybe, that if you cant do something, you may offere sometihng else ???? Now ill be the 1st to say I HATE half oral , then intercourse, … its fine sometimes, but come on!

But now she doesnt do oral or anal, hardly wants vaginal, and wonders why I get pisssed off about it

this isnt who I married, and I feel duped, when she wanted that ring she didnt seem to have such a problem with the taste!

and WTF, do women think they tast like friggin Pie ala mode down there ???, no it doesnt.. but I dont care she can get it whenever she wants

Yet she doesnt understand why the hell id tell my buddy NOT to get married, if things are good with his girl now

I’m sorry but you can’t make everyone happy so you might as well make yourself happy. I gave my husband head even though I didn’t like and he would still b*tch because it wasn’t all the time. Then it became a chore. Irregardless of whetjer he got it or not it was never enough. So I stopped. That was his own fault. Don’t complain if its what you asked for. As easy as you get it…its as easy to take it away.

She defrauded you.
They all do, after they have secured their right to the property.
Sell everything, including the house, liquidate all assets, give her half on the condition that she never entertain a man ever again.
Bet she won’t honor that contract either.

Wow, My husband and I were joking, when he called myself a bad wife! Due to the fact before the kids, we could not keep our hands ( or any other body part) off of each other! But its true, I do not ” feel” I need to take 20/30 min out of my jam pack day to give him oral sex. And I have thought about leaving him due to the fact all he does is bitch about the LACK OF SEX FORPLAY SO
ON. I am amshamed that after two kids i lost that fire frisky wild self. I have and still do love my husband, and i came to this site for help, to maybe feel theres others out there.

There is help to be had.
Divorce him. Do it now. Admit to the court that you refuse to honor the CONTRACT you made with him and you want out.
You’ll get 1/2 the property, the kids and 64% of the joint income you two share.
It will ease your conscience to know he’s not getting ANY from ANYONE unless he is rich.
Because, let’s face it, all the other women out there are whores just like you and want more pay to play!

My husband asks openly, like when cooking dinner, if he can get one later. It always takes me by surprise and he’ll explain the reasons why he wants one. But he does this take pity on me thing that sometimes works. So I wonder if guys have discussed openly, outside the bedroom?? Does she know what is going to be expected of her after the door closes and lights are off?? My hubby does deserve sometimes, but he constanly nags and rarely tells me he loves. So when he asks, its cause I feel sorry for him and I don’t want to look like a neglectful wife. But I’m Never in mood! Kids, work, money and then u bitch about it all? Yeah, u really deserve a bj. If didn’t work outside the home, and he’d Be thankful for what he did have he’d be a happier man in the bedroom. I don’t find anything great about it except your happy. For that moment. I could on & on.

You’re not a bad wife, just a boring one. It’s hard enough to have sex with only one person for the rest of your life; if that person is unimaginative and limited in the bedroom…ugh! Talk about monotony. Who the hell wants to have sex the SAME way all the time? Life is routine enough, esp. with kids–if you can’t have some excitement and variety when having sex, then what’s the point? 50 more years of blah.

Are you a bad wife? I think that you are doing more damage than you realize by denying your husband of something that he desperately wants. Men are wired to want sex, plain and simple. This includes oral sex. If there is a reason you can’t bring yourself to do it – possibly childhood abuse – then get yourself to a counselor so that you can move forward. Talk to your husband and tell him what happened and why you are struggling. If you don’t he will end up resenting you. If you are just not doing it because you feel that you don’t have to, then you are being selfish. How would you feel if your husband decided he wasn’t going to mow the lawn/empty the trash/change the oil in the car/etc. anymore because he didn’t feel like it? After a while you would grow to resent him, too, I’m sure.

My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years and while we don’t have sex (oral or otherwise) as often as we did before kids I will still do whatever I can do please him, and then he will return the favor by helping out more around the house or by taking the kids out for ice cream/to the playground so I can have some time by myself.

Simply put, when you do things to make your man happy, he will do what he can to make you happy.

Have any of you suggested options for dealing with fears or objections women have about giving bjs? One thing that helps, and someone mentioned it above, is taking a shower or bath together before sex. Then you both feel good, relaxed, and clean. One of my friends gave her husband bjs in the shower fairly often — they are divorced now b/c of deeper problems, but she was willing to do it in the shower and it made him happy. Also flavored/scented creams, oils, condoms can help alleviate the anxiety about tastes and odors.

My wife has not been going down on me either. It has been a strain on our relationship ever since first dating. She gave her first/previous boyfriend maybe 10 blow jobs. They never had sex. We started dating and she decided to reclaim her purity/virginity… It really bothered me that she gave him blowjobs but refused to give me any. She convinced me that she would would make up for it when we get married. We got married and finally had sex. My patience paid off. Or so I thought. She told me I’d get a bjay on x-mas and my birthday at a minimum now. I convinced myself I could get more… Not the case. She kept asking me to be patient with her. Well, our 2nd christmas came and passed and no bjay. I did not complain. Well, I recently asked for one. She plainly said, “No.” This infuriated me after years of being patient and trying to please her. We had a big argument. …I am still trying to get what I want when she just says she doesn’t like to do it. It’s nothing with me… she just doesn’t like it. I don’t buy this excuse after my years of being patient and understanding. I’m really starting to feel like a fool for ever believing her.

Women are such stupid lying b*tches. Naughty women are what ALL men want. Why do you think porn still exists? To remind those f**king lying backstabbing bitches that THIS is what men want. Not some boring bitchy lazy ass gold digger. F**K THAT.

Im a guy by the way, and oral means you REALLY love me. So dont say shit about “ohhhh I love you so much… Blah blah blah.” B*LLSH*T. All you want to do is to trap a man and ACT like you dont know what ALL men need in order to be happy.

Men love to eat p*ssy, even if you DIDNT shower and wash yourself with f**king clorox, like you extreme stupid b*tches want US to do. Heres a hint: clorox is NOT for bodily use you dumb b*tch!

F**king women wannabe’s.

If she doesnt s*ck you whenever YOU want, AND swallow, then she is simply USING YOU.

I’ve also asked for a bj instead of sex while she is on her period. Her excuse is that she does not feel sexy while on her period. All i hear are excuses. I could understand if she had some sexual abuse history, not the case…

Ok. So I’ve been married for 20 years. My husband LOVES BJ’s and gets them on a very regular basis. I lick and perform like a trained monkey because he loves it. Do I love it? Not crazy about it but he loves it so I do it. He reciprocates and LOVES to do that. We have sex at least once a day. My point is this-sometimes we do things for our spouses because we love them and WANT them to feel good. That is what sex is supposed to be about-pleasing EACH OTHER-not just your own selfish, self centered, self. And sometimes we surprise ourselves and enjoy it too. If your husband is a caring, warm and genuinely affectionate guy (not a whiny demanding baby having a temper tantrum) throw him a bone ladies!!! Get some flavored drops and make him take a shower first-or better yet shower with him to make sure he’s cleaning it 😀 Now-if I could get my husband to quit begging for anal….
Any advice? ;-P Done that once-NEVER again! Ow!

Bottom line for me.
Don’t do bj, for me, because I like bj, but claim you like sex with me?
YOU LIE!
Once married, the sex, whatever it is that is alright with YOU, will dry up and blow away, because, if you hate my cock, you always will, and the loathing will spread.

I am a female who has been married for 28 years, so I like to believe I have learned a lot about marriage. Gentleman, what type of foreplay do you perform OUTSIDE the bedroom? Holding her hand, telling her she looks pretty today, offering to watch the kids while she takes a long, hot bath. Remember to have conversations with your wife that are fun. For example, “Honey, you cracked me up when you told Kevin he was an idiot”., etc. SO MANY wives are lonely. Their busy with the kids, the house, their job and oftentimes they don’t make time for friendships with other women. It is easy to become ONLY “Mommy”, and mommy robots do not have oral sex! , If you make her feel sexy OUTSIDE the bedroom door, she will be a lot more adventureous INSIDE the bedroom door. For most women “guy behavior” (belching, farting, etc.) is not sexy. Lastly, SHOWER! I can tell you for a fact that even if you showered that morning, you need to shower again and USE A SOAPY WASHCLOTH on EVERYTHING from your lower back to your belly button. Then do it again. Use a little bit (not a lot) of your cologne around your inner thigh area. Trust me, she will enjoy the experience so much more. Nothing is more disgusting than “guy smell” down there. Also, almost all wives do not feel confident about their bodies. Having children can really mess up a woman’s figure, and breasts may be lower and stretch marks from pregnancy are hard to accept. Be considerate, make love with the lights down, and compliment her body and how she feels while you are having your intimate time. If you can do most of those things most of the time, (but you always have to shower right before) she will happily provide you with sex (including oral sex) 99.9% of the time. p.s. Do not shortchange her on the foreplay portion of sex, and if she is tense, give her a lotion massage to get things going. My husband and I have been together for 28 years. We are in our fifties. Our sex life is fun, loving, happy and sexy! Treat each other like the friends and lovers you are, and it all works out beautifully.

Why is it that the man always has to be the one to treat the woman like a princess, tell her she’s gorgeous, give her the massage, flowers, perfume, etc.? And you know what’s worse than “guy smell” down there? Girl smell down there. I do my share with the kids, the housework, the cooking, etc. Can’t she go out of her way sexually a bit? Can’t she tell me I look good? Give me a hug, hold my hand? Most women seem to think they should be treated like goddesses. Give me a break. Your man wants oral sex because it feels great – better than any other kind of sex. And you won’t give it to him why? Because you don’t like it? Please. If your man is a jerk, don’t give it to him – but then why are you married to him? If he loves you and you love him, Give him the oral and learn to like it. It really isn’t that difficule

A couple glasses of wine do wonders. Make sure you use some good quality lubrication like Astroglide on him (and you), and lastly, you cannot tense your ass, or it will hurt. Also, some positions are worse than others. If he sits on a chair, straddle him, facing away from him so you can control the depth and speed. If you do it doggie-style, it may hurt more, esp. if he thrusts hard.

Wow! I honestly cannot believe how many men are married or dating a woman that won’t give them oral sex. Its very sad and selfish too. No wonder men cheat. I am in my early 40’s and have been dating a man for 6 months now. I FINALLY found a great guy and I love him very much. I receive such great pleasure in giving my bf oral sex & vice versa. I get so turned on when he does and the fact that he reciprocates and is kind, generous, intelligent, passionate and a GREAT kisser makes our sex life ten times better bar none. In addition, we have a great mind & body connection too. It feels absolutely amazing!!! I have dated so many losers in the past and its nice to know that there are still some good men out there. Communication also plays a vital role in love making and trust especially if you want to experiment with your partner.

You may not be a “bad” wife. But did you get married to be a not so bad wife? Didn’t you marry planning to be a GREAT wife?

I didnt love the idea of a penis in my mouth at first. But my husband LOVES it and I LOVE my husband and I want him to know it and never doubt my love. I want him to trust me completely. I want to be the woman in all of his dreams and desires. I want him to be thrilled that he decided to marry me.

My husband and I have been married 20+ years. We did not have sex before marriage due to our Christian beliefs. We had both been married before so we were not ignorant of sex. We did talk about sex before we married. I knew that he liked to give and receive oral sex. That had been part of foreplay in my previous marriage.

After we married, sex was challenging. Blended family. Small house. We had to get creative sometimes to get satisfied. And sometimes get interrupted and stifle things till another time.

My husband liked oral foreplay but he also wanted to cum in my mouth. This just grossed me out. What if I threw up? That would damage our sex life forever. I was in turmoil over it. I even wondered if I could pay someone else to do it for him! That was a big conflict with wanting to be a good Christian wife! I didn’t find anywhere int he Bible where it forbade this sexual expression. The book of the bible called the Song of Solomon is pretty erotic, not full of taboos.

So I tried to get psyched up in my head to do it. I would do oral foreplay on him but I could always just switch gears if I chickened out and couldn’t go thru with it. I could suck him and use my hands to bring him to climax, but not let him climax in my mouth. Or I could get him ready with my mouth and then climb on him and we could cum together.
I did not say no. I said I would try. He knows how much I love him and that I was not ruling it out.

Recently, my husband came home from a very physical and emotionally demanding day. He showered and was going to lay down for a nap. I offered a massage to help him sleep better. I rubbed his back and then rubbed his feet. I did some strokes on his legs and he started to get hard. Which wasn’t my intention but I wasn’t going to exclude it. I finished the foot massage and then focused on massaging him sexually including trying to do the best oral I could do for him. I knew he was too tired to do anything but receive. I just wanted to give him a complete physical release. I increased the intensity and got ready. He came completely in my mouth and I swallowed every bit.

None of my fears came true. I did not gag at all. The cum just tastes like nothing. I wish I would have done this for him sooner.

My advice is make it your goal to be a GREAT wife. Marry a man that you respect and then become an expert in the unique needs of that man. Yes, they are wired different than us, emotionally and physically. He is wired to think about sex and to respond to visual stimulus. His hard on is for you. Enjoy it! If you don’t you may lose it. Don’t make your man have to ask you for sex. Let him know you LOVE him and you LOVE his body, especially that wonderful hard on.

Men, be patient with your wife. Let her know what you want but pressuring her is not the way to get it. Practice good hygiene, especially before bedtime. Do remember that we usually turn on more slowly than you. Foreplay includes more than just breasts and genitals. Helping with housework and being thoughtful and kind and knowing that your husband find you attractive is very arousing.

I have been married for almost 20 years. My wife has NEVER given me a BJ! She thinks it’s nasty and that I shouldn’t expect her to do something she’s not comfortable doing. I use to give her oral pleasure, but she thinks it’s nasty too! We have argued off & on over the course of our marriage about her lack of desire for regular sex. She’s usually down for sex about 3-4 times a month. This to me is unacceptable! I have never cheated on my wife, but I have thought about it regularly. We have a 5 year old and the thought of us divorcing over her ANTISEXUAL ways and being his father only when the courts permits is something I’m not willing to accept. He shouldn’t suffer because his mother is a selfish bitch! She’s very insensitive to my needs. She acts as if it’s no big deal and she is doing all she can do. She’s always tired and has a bad back, but I am willing to have sex ANY way she likes it, but no sex until she feels like giving in is her answer. When we have sex it’s usually great! We are both still attractive adults in our early 40’s, therefore, physical unattractiveness is not the problem. I am at a loss as to what to do! I have had to please myself so much over the years, but that now is growing tiresome! She’s my wife for crying out loud whom ‘I have forsaken all others for’! She should be willing and wanting to please me! If my desires don’t cause pain…they don’t, and degradation…they Do Not! What’s the big deal??.

I hate this bullshit. Women always respond one, predictable way: Sure, you work, you do the yard work, you clean inside, do dishes, make dinner, do the shopping, do more than your share of child care, and sure you provide romance. Sure you get me cards and flowers and chocolates and leave me with nothing more to do than folding a few washcloths. Sure you go down on me whenever I want. But oral sex is a TREAT for men. You do NOT deserve it. You are shit. No, lower than shit. You don’t deserve anything. ANYTHING. You’re lucky you even get to touch us. You need to give us 72 hours of oral sex per week, and then, maybe–just MAYBE–you can sort of, kind of, maybe not really entertain the wisp of half a fart of forlorn hope of receiving a crossward glance at your neglected penis. You are FILTH for expecting more. P.S. Go clean the garage then take the recycling out and mow the lawn, asshole.

The bottom line is that women & men should never marry. Men never really love women, they worship sex and sex only. Women can provide for themselves and no longer have to put up with the sexual demands of men plus, a vibrator can do the job for a woman with no muss, no fuss or demands. Marriage is outdated, the sexes want completely different things are not compatible in the slighest. My husband passed away 2 years ago after 2 kids and 15 years of marriage. Truthfully, I’ve never been happier in my life. I will never re-marry or even date. I hoave absolutely zero desire to deal with a man ever again. Marriage is a complete loss of self, goals, independence and servitude…never again.

For the women out there, trust me when I tell you there is absolutely nothing in marriage for you. You grow and change with knowledge gained and men stay bitter children who need their asses wiped. You’ve been warned.

In my experience, I couldn’t agree with you more. I look forward to living alone again. I’m grateful we don’t have children. I’ve given my husband plenty of blow jobs and once, after all sorts of sexual extortion, until completion. He then looked at me as I had gifted him with the Second Coming of Christ, and told me that now he knew I really loved him. I then realized his psychopathy. He disgusts me

I will HAPPILY remain single than deal with this. These men demanding oral sex sound like the evil guards at Hitler’s concentration camps, no kidding. THANK GOD I said no all those times I was proposed to. Stay out my house, get out my life, and a big “go to hell” to every man on here who thinks like the men on here. Oh and I’m 5″5, 115 pounds, very cute, and I’ll be happy with my single life.

i read all the post. my wife to dont like bjs. after reading all this i have decided to just get a girlfriend who will. and thats f**ked up because i thought i had forsaken all other after i married, but its been 9 years and no real blowjob. the shit she does, i would never call a blowjob. it would be doing dishonor to the act if i called it a blowjob. i have no motavation to do the slightest thing to make her happy.

I love to give my husband blow jobs! …but he has NEVER once given me oral. I’m attractive, waxed and clean….but noooo he won’t. He knew when we got married that I loved oral. I never ask for it because I know he dislikes it and I secretly resent him for it.

i gave oral to wife 2-3 times. she was asking me do not i feel dirty? i said no to please her. nonsense i am begging her to give me she is not. i am thinking of killing her. my wife is worst woman. she is my enemy. she ruined my life. u know it is very very natural. real female like males d**k and balls too much and male like her p**sy. but some real mad women do otherwise then after hitting start crying.then shout domestic violence. brainless women r worst. life too short. enjoy it and die.

In reference to some of the above comments….I don’t get flowers, expensive gifts or a nice holiday. My birthday and Christmas goes by with nothing. I work my ass off at my job and get promotions PLUS I cook and clean and have 3 kids. I still find time to give a BJ. Why? Cause its fun. But I sure would like the favor returned! And I wouldn’t mind a little anal!

My wife went out with her friends the other day and when she got home she told me her friend was joking about how she never gives her husband a blowjob. Only once a year on his birthday and they ran out of time or somethin this yr so he was outta luck and they all had a big laugh about it.
Not sure why my wife told me this story but it really ticked me off. I said to her, really she only blows him once a year. My wife says so what most guys dont get it that often. Im like umm alot do, guys should get one at least once a month (which i still don’t think is right, it shouldnt be like a scheduled chore to fulfill) She sighs n shakes her head.

I know its just girls joking around, but i find it distrubing the attitude of american woman towards men is these days. Then women wanna know why men are jerks and or cheat. I get a bj maybe 5-6 times a year. I dont think ive ever had more than one a month ever. It’s only when she has her period and never ever when she doesnt. And its not like were having so much sex instead. Thats 4-6 times a month and never more. The sex frequeny is ok with me if she blew me once in a while but to have that little sex and bjs on average once every 2 months just really sux. Meanwhile i go down on her almost every time we do it for like 10-15 mins and she usually cums from it, sometimes multiple times. I’ve tried to to do the whole not reciprocating thing and it just backfires and it starts some huge fight. Its unbelievable, she basically demands it sometimes yet she feels a guy should only get it once a yr? I tried to stop doing oral on her, i started doing less for her in general aroiund the house, and ignoring her more and doing my own thing and it just makes things worse. If women are this selfish and treat men this poorly, then what choice do we have then to cheat. i havent so far.

You do realize, as should everyone on here, the Other guy gets the BJ. No matter what their opinion is or excuse, when they decide to cheat, they are going to show off. That my friend is the bitch of it. You are absolutely right, there is a selfish change that takes place during marriage, usually without cause.

I am shocked and disgusted at what I am reading. Men calling thier wives awful names, hooking up with other women, and even planning for divorce. All because of a sex act??!! Doing all you can to satisfy your mate is critical to a fulfilling relationship, obviously. But anyone who is even remotely capable of thinking of thier partner this way (selfish, devious, a bitch…) is not doing much to deserve the effort and affection he’s demanding like some spoiled toddler. You may mow the lawn and help with your children, but isn’t that part of owning a home? And of having children? Do you think you deserve some sort of medal for taking care of the children you bore and the home you live in? Odds are, your wife cooks, cleans, and does much of the child rearing as well. Odds are she does not require special favors, sexual or otherwise, for doing these things. It needs doing. End of story. As for why she wont go down..ask her lovingly about it. Women tend to be emotional beings and oral sex is more intimate than intercourse for many of us. If she is having trouble feeling connected to you, that cuts into your chances of getting blown. For a surprising number of people, the reasons can be deeper. I dont do it because of a disturbing history involving sexual matters. My man understands and accepts it fully. For women who feel they cant do it, be it from psychological trauma, moral convictions, or just a syrong gag reflex, i suggest compromise and getting adventurous. For us, toys and role play make things exciting and gratifying. Not all toys are for girls…I decided to ask him to try using a bj machine while i talk nasty to him. Turns out it was a perfect solution. Also dont underestimate nipple clamps or maybe sex during a dirty movie. Or in public if you are very careful! Explore each others fantasies and you will never be bored. I have never given my guy a bj but he cannot keep his hands off me. We get down like rabbits!

This is crazy to me… I just recently had a conversation with a friend of mine and she told me that she doesn’t give her husband head. She was disgusted by the idea. My thoughts at that moment? Poor husband.

I’m an attractive woman. That’s not said to boast, I say it because I think a lot of women feel that because they look good, men should be fulfilled with just having sex with them.

WRONG.

In my marriage, I make sure that I do my part in keeping my husband satisfied. From maintaining my appearance (don’t get me wrong, I don’t ALWAYS get glamed up… I just stay clean and cute) to being sexual and fun. It’s important to be sexual with the man you love, if you want him to be happy with you. So many women get cheated on and then say, “I can’t believe you! If you truly loved me you would never have done this to me!” well sorry hun, but if YOU truly loved HIM, you should have given him head as often as possible. No excuses. You wake up in the morning? Head. You’re driving to the grocery store? Head. Its really not that difficult. Unless your husband takes an hour to cum, you should be able to get it done here and there throughout the week.

My point I guess is, I feel sorry for some of you men that are with women like that. I feel sorry for my friends husband. People have needs, both men and women… and it’s important to try and fulfill those needs together. That to me is what a marriage is. Its not just paying bills and having kids, it’s a relationship too…. and relationships need things like time alone, outings, fun, and SEX….

HOWEVER.. side note. If a woman really isn’t comfortable with it for good reasons, it’s important to try and work through that if you are married and you do love her. There are things that can be done, as Eden said. I don’t think it’s just about giving head or not, its about your willingness to please… and there are other ways.

Some women are just awful though. Boring and selfish. Some men too.

Anyways… Goodluck to all of you…

I’m going to go see how many times I can give my husband head in a day just because I read this. Like when people watch hoarders and feel the need to start cleaning their perfectly clean house. lol (by the way, we have two kids. And we still make time to maintain our relationship… it is a two way street though.)

Dears
Successful love never need the bats and contracts and married life too.If you love on contract so its better to have a shop or GF which empty your pocket and keeping contract in her pocket.Love needs sacrifice with out contract.
BR

I have read with interest most of the comments above and it is disappointing to find people are using sex as weapons or barter tools, and to run your partner down is so sad.
My wife and I have been married for 52 years so we are in our 70’s. Bj’s are a way of showing your love for each other. I always go down on my wife as part of love making and give her 2 or 3 orgasm before normal sex or anal sex and then I often go down her again and give her another orgasm. Or she will sit on my face after sex until she has orgasm again. She gets real turned on doing this and will often Bj me at the same time. During the day we will have random Bj. She will be sitting in a chair and I will kneel down in front of her and bring her to orgasm. In return she give me Bj’s daily and will drop to her knees in front of me, Bj me to the end and get up and passionately kiss me.
When we do these random Bj’s it a way of telling each other we love you. I love it in particular, after she has been out on her motorbike and upon return is still in all her leathers and does a Bj on me it is so sexy. Like wise she will dress up very provocatively, to turn me on and then Bj me knowing I will return the favour once we have gone to bed. We have had a fantastic open sex life, which has kept our marriage alive and loving.

I jsut filed for divorce, in part because my wife had no interest in sex. I gladly gave her oral, but she wouldn’t reciprocate, and then in the last five years we slipped into a sexless marriage (less than 10 times a year). In the whole 17 year marriage, she initiated maybe four times. And half the time when we were in bed, she would just lay there. I would ask her for handjobs, just because that meant she HAD to do something, she would have to take part in some way. Once we stopped having sex all together, she went out and had an emotional affair (she says she didn’t sleep with him and I don’t believe her, but whatever). We did a year of counseling and she was just as withdrawn and distant as ever and so I filed. Yay for me. So our marriage really fell apart, and it started with problems in the bedroom.

Recently I started dating someone and after taking it slow and putting it off, we went all the way. And OMG! To have sex with someone who desires you, and WANTS to please you, and looks at you and makes eye contact and can talk and laugh while you’re so engaged… It still blows me away what that felt like. I so can’t wait until the divorce is final. I’d never go back. The grass is so, so much greener.

I’ve read many comments on here; Most men are saying they’re mad about not getting oral. Most of the wives say it feels nasty, they don’t like giving oral, etc…..

So here’s my solution to all you men: It’s time that you sit your daughters down when they’re 18, and DEMAND they learn how to suck d***k, and let them know it’s a DUTY for them as a woman, as a wife and girlfriend. Fathers, read your daughters the letters these men wrote on this website about how these men are divorcing their wives, hate their wives, have resentment towards them—so your daughters will understand that anything good she does in a marriage will not matter–only sucking d**k on a regular basis is what will determine how well she’s valued & treated by her husband…Before your daughter gets married, inform your new son-in-law that you 100% support divorcing her and ‘kicking her to the curb’ when she stops sucking d***k…

Next time you see your precious daughter, know your daughter is worthless if she doesn’t suck men off, and she will be treated as such. And since some of them on here are divorcing their wives soon, you should contact them and set them up on dates with your daughter.

Can I ask a question? Why can’t you men just enjoy sex, you know, with her p***sy??! What the Hell? God gave woman a p***sy and you don’t want it!? What a bunch of ungrateful s-o-b’s you all are. I had no idea so many men didn’t like to f***k.

You men must either be ‘women abusers’ or closet homosexuals who hate women–so you take your rage out by making your wife degrade herself…Can some gay men have some input here? Don’t these men sound like angry closet gay men with a hatred for women? Look, I can understand being upset for having no sex life at all, that’s different & understandable. But being obsessed with oral sex and feeling angry, demanding it, and wanting divorce even though you have a good sex life–that’s some type of abusive personality disorder. There’s 10,000 other great things that can happen during sex, and all you want is a bj?? I’m willing to bet you’re abusers in other areas of the relationship, not just the bedroom— just like the woman who wrote that her husband begged & begged for oral, then she finally did it and she got herpes from it: that’s domestic violence, period— he knew his d**k had sores! Or the other woman who wrote that she finally started giving oral sex, and now her husband doesn’t real sex anymore, he just get bj’s, and he gets upset if she wants sex–even after performs oral all the time. You abusive, arrogant, narcissists.

Look, There’s a reason why women hate giving oral, and the ones who give oral ‘only’ do it from obligation–because putting a d**k in your mouth is degrading–period! Just like women don’t like it up the butt, or want to be peed on, it’s all the same…And the woman on here who brag about giving oral– they’re either ugly, skanks, or fat (no offense to fat people); and you better believe that no other man wants them, and they know it.
I already said before, I’m considered veeerrry pretty, very thin, have been proposed to many times (but said no because I don’t want to be tied down)—and all you ungrateful men on here can lick the dirt, dog-doo, crackhead spit, and gum off the bottom of my shoes. Next!

Wow princess nicely said. I admire your grace and eloquent way of expressing your feelings. Well done. I want to marry you already. As your beauty just radiates through your post.

First let me say this. Honestly I wouldn’t want to encourage a girl of any relation to me to go off a suck dick. Even if she was just a close friend. So obviously you made your point about the whole “daddy sit down with your daughter and have the talk.” But also I wouldn’t encourage a female relative to go out and f**k either. Nor would I want them to do it if it was not necessary for giving birth. But I’m sure you don’t have a problem with intercourse? Guess what else? I don’t want a man sucking and groping on their breast or ass either. So I will not be encouraging them do any way shape or form. So sorry.

secondly, Yes a girl going around bragging about blowing dicks would be looked down upon and she would not be desired to be wed by hardly anyone. You’re right about that,”high five.” But guess what? If another girl was running around town talking about how she bounces on and off every other Joe Smo’s rod not many would be lining up for her either.

And my last point. So now men are little fairies or brainless brutes because we want a little suck suck? Hmmm… I’m sure there are some lay-low gay boys getting domed up from the unknowing and naive wives. Or perhaps some monstrous-women-beating beast, that physically forces there man meat down the innocent throats of women across the land. But, honestly I think that’s less than 1% of the men on the forum. I can’t prove it so I won’t waste time debating it. But I say that to say what makes it abusive or homosexual? Yes, you could force women to gag and suck, I do believe women can be forced into such acts. It could be degrading and is absolutely when women are forced or harmed emotionally or physically by a man in this way. But may I (After I lick the gum of the bottom of your shoe of course) as you a question dear princess? In all sincerity, why can’t it just be a pleasurable act between a man and a woman? Why must it be a horrid nightmare that no decent, very pretty, very thin, and having been proposed women can never wake up to? (Because it is obviously ok for any other woman that does not make the cut.) Why?

You may say its not natural or something that gays do in lieu of sex. Yes, it is a big part of gay sex, as well as anal I would suppose. Since vaginal and penile sex can’t be achieved. But I’ll tell you this, sweetie. So is tit sucking and nipple licking, oh and don’t forget kissing. So just because a gay person does it during their sexually actives does that qualify it as gay? Or is it something you just don’t like? Just because an abusive man can knock a girl to her knees and demand for her to engulf the pole, doesn’t that mean a loving man can’t just want to experience that kind pleasure from his loving wife? You know wife beaters can f**k too? So since they’re f**king (having intercourse) We should probably stop that as well.

I think you get my point by now. I have no prob with a girl disliking blowjobs, or even if she feels they’re degrading. But why belittle men because you feel a certain way? I just don’t agree with women saying they will give oral, then don’t. It’s deceptive. It’s like me telling a women we’ll wait until after marriage till we have sex and then we get married and right before the honey moon I get a katana and chop off my cock . Just be upfront and honest about it so we as men can decide if we can deal with no blowies for the rest of our lives or not. Not women making the decision for us. That’s all. If I loved a girl enough I wouldn’t need a blow job from her. But be honest and speak with candor about. Not that manipulative bs.

As a person from Europe I find it interesting how very antisex and anti family Anglosaxon women are in general and how little they want to do for their menfolk in a marriage bed situation.

No wonder the Anglo Saxon world leads the world in the high divorce rate and bad marriages.
IF men and women really want to be happy they should discusss their preferences before marriage , like we do in Europe, and if there is no agreement on some issue to move on to another partner who is amiable to your likes and dislikes.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and there is a lid for every pot.

My Wife gives me satisfaction on sex but there is some thing i miss dearly is oral sex. I just can’t make her do it for me. Hope she understands my needs one day… she thinks that oral sex only prostitutes do it for their customers.

I am gainfully employed, do my share around the house, don’t do drugs etc.
I help do everything, but I don’t get any oral sex and want it badly!!!
I give her oral anytime she wants it, but I never get it.
Anyone need a hard working honest husband!! lol

I’ve been with my gf for two years and she has only give me a bj once because she says she doesnt like it yet the first time i gave her oral made the statement “i told myself if i found a guy who does that as good as you that i would marry him” so obviously she enjoys it. If its so degrading or whatever the problem is, why is it ok for me to go down there and do it. What i get out of that is you dont love me enough to give me oral or respect me enough to NOT to perform it on you because you find it offensive. Instead she lets me degrade myself without issue because she enjoys it. That good people is selfish. Resentment has started to set in more over the past 2 months and our sex life is dead. We are up to six times for the year so far. If the lovin stops after marriage I am in trouble becuase it hasnt even begin for us… And Yes, I’m clean, I help with the kids, I am considerate to her in every way but still nothing. I was thinking about suggesting couples counseling but dont think that will help. I feel like I am being punished for all the wrongs men have ever done to her and her in her friends relationships.

Been married 17 years, known my wife 19 years. When we met she was a total sexual virgin.
My wife loves me going down on her but refuses to put her face anywhere near my ‘equipment’. I’ve told her how much I would like her to and asked her (gently) why she won’t do it to me. She says its disgusting (though she’d NEVER done it) and that it smells.
I wouldn’t want to go down on a smelly pu$$y either… hygiene is very important for me, both genital, oralk and generally. I even got circumcised to increase hygiene (I also wanted to be cut anyway). Still nothing.

I slowly stopped going down on her…she has never mentioned it. Her refusal to give me oral has built up resentment…I no longer look at her and think WOW! We have very ‘boring’ sex (she refuses to ‘French kiss’ aswell) maybe once a month.

I want someone who WANTS me, who wants to make me feel good….its a two way street…she makes me feel good makes me WANT to make her feel good etc..the opposite of a vicious circle!

When our children have flown the family nest in about 6 years time, I will follow. We all have responsibilities in life, some we may not like but we have them none the less. It is also our fundemental right in life to be HAPPY.
I want to have all my sexual needs met just as I want to meet all ‘her’ sexual needs…

I have been with my husband for 8 years and I LOVE GIVING oral sex to him. When we first start dating I did it every day for 2 years straight before he decided to perform oral on me. He was kinda new to it but it happened eventually and my goodness!!! he has magic in his mouth after I taught him well. However my husband is a very large person in the paints area and boy I tell you its not easy sucking on that with my small narrow jaws, here lately I have been a slacker on giving him oral sex because he likes to shove it in my throat not letting me come up for air, he pushes it in until he feels my throat open, I just try to breath threw my nose (its hard). Every day he ask me to have oral with him and in my mind im like omg NOOOOOO!!! But I smile and say uhhh sure! He knows Im full of b.s. when I say it like that cause I stall him but he’s slicker then me he make me feel obligated to do it , he will go get flowers every other day he is very much deserving of my throat but like I said Im a slacker because he is too large for my mouth. All im saying is ladies I really understand what you mean every body dont like giving oral but you gotta give to receive. Im just gone to set a schedule for my husband once a day should be good enough. He is aggressive with it so I told him this —> let me turn you on, relax and let me do it so I can get into it for myself you will find that if you let your wife lead the way at oral while you give a lil guidance added she may enjoy it more. STOP shoving the stick down the drain so early in the act she may surprise you and learn some new tricks on opening up her throat and herself. But also you need to respect when she says no! It isnt all about the oral. #bouttasuckhimdown

to the woman that compares herself to a monkey, your own words shoot your argument. “I lick and perform like a trained monkey because he loves it”. Does love have anything to do with it? and for you men, how easy do you think it is to have something go down your throat and you can’t even breathe? is that love, stopping air flow to the lungs? someone else mentioned it but oral sex is something that homosexual people engage in, which is fine. However, if you are not gay why would you want to have oral sex like homosexual people do when you have options for I don’t know real sex? You men want your wives to play the roles of gay men. Gay men can suck on your penis. Heck if you men want blow jobs so much why don’t you loose a few adominal bones and perform oral sex on yourself.
Dignity

Short answer: “Yes you are a bad wife.” Every human male wants a blowjob. Period end of story. Over and over we hear about the wife who gave plentiful BJs before marriage and now nothing, ever. I last got a blowjob 20 years ago. After the sex started really drying up, I saw the odd escort here and there, and finally got a lady on the side who takes care of business. I will leave when the kids get older.

Ladies if you don’t like giving head, your chance for a successful marriage is minimal.

Guys, if you’re not sexually satisfied, and you’ve done everything in your power to work on your marriage, be the best husband and man you can be, etc., if you can’t leave, go find it elsewhere. Then get out. You deserve better.

If she won’t give you a blowjab, then ditch her. There’s plenty of intelligent women out there who know that relationships are a two way thing.
A blowjab is her way of responding and proving how much she loves you.

So, again, if she won’t ‘gobble the turkey’, then get her out the door on the double.

Are you a bad person if you don’t perform oral sex? No.
Are you a bad wife if you don’t perform oral sex? Possibly.

Did you always know your husband wanted it/needed it/liked it and still refused to do it (or only do it half-assed at best)? If yes, then both of you are bad. You’re bad because NOTHING drives up desire/frustration more than refusing. Want proof? Have kids? Tell them they can’t have something. Watch what happens…

More times than not, people are made to feel guilty for liking/wanting something sexually, so a man (or woman) might feel like it’s wrong to completely throw away a relationship based on one “tiny little, inconsequential need” (that we all know becomes the elephant in the room when it’s a huge desire).

Sexual compatibility is insanely important. A substitute performance (instead of head, here’s some vasoline-in-a-hand) will NOT make the desire go away, despite insistence that it should and “you should be lucky” to even get that.

Lastly, the swallowing aspect… While this isn’t a requirement to how good it feels physically, it does matter psychologically. Ladies, just once, a guy needs to make you orgasm and run to the bathroom like you are the most disgusting thing ever. Just once and you’ll know what it feels like. And the women who use the whole “but boy juice is different than girl juice” argument are children at best. Then go drink girl juice and shut up.

So, in the immediate is.. it depends. If your husband doesn’t care, then you’re not a bad wife. You’re not even necessarily a bad wife if he does care. You are, however, the WRONG wife (for him).

Everyone in this thread needs to see the bigger picture. I am trying to do sone research for a friend of mine. All sex lives go through an overhaul after marriage. This is do to financial changes, learning to truly live together, and the lack of autonomy. Joint accounts, joint assets, mutual sacrifices, and less romance aren’t exactly panty droppers. Every situation is different, but expectations change and relationships change. I have been married for 4 years. After 6 months of marriage everything came to a stop. We moved, I changed jobs, and she had to move away from her family. I realized that what changed with the sex was increased responsibilities and sex became less important. I would get sex a couple of times a week and rarely got a blowjob to completion. We both went through resentment and agreed it was time to make a change. The KEY is to talk about it. Be honest, but have empathy. You got married for a reason. Sex or selfish motivations will lead to disappointment. Wives don’t want to be cold and distant and husbands don’t want to be zombies living in disappointment.

Bottom line is sex is disgusting…awesomely disgusting. Sex is also a power play. We realized that, if we wanted out sex lives to have fire again, it would take work. It is not just a matter of flowers, shaving the junk, or making life easier for her. Sex is an outlet for both parties and should relieve stress rather than cause it. We began to just share fantasies and role play. We would spend Sunday nights laying in bed naked together sharing fantasies (as far fetched as desired but usually settled on something mutually agreeable and monogamous; guys, depending on the girl, take it slow at first so she feels comfortable sharing and doesn’t think you are a crazy perv) and would write them down and make sure to get through the list each week. This is when I really realized that sex is awesomely disgusting and power plays are best when mutual. I never thought I would lick her ***hole for 30 minutes while she tied me up and sat on my face OR I would dress up as a teacher and give her anal and then finish in her mouth. She probably did not either. It is disgusting and sometimes I get used, but our sex life is never boring and our relationship and marriage have never been stronger.

For the ladies I just want to say that most guys love you and love sex. Most men will do anything to please you and not complain. Vaginas are disgusting but awesome. Giving a bj can be degrading. I get it. Guys are often just disappointed because they never lose their desire to please you. I let my wife take my back door with a strap on because she wanted to see what it was like for god’s sake. Between consenting married adults the worst thing you can so is repress talking about sex. A sexual attraction is the spark that brought about the relationship in the first place. There is a reason why both parties feel distant and untrusting when marriages become sexless. I am just tired of reading these tips that point the finger at the guy saying he doesn’t show appreciation or isn’t as caring as when they first started dating. These experts have pHDs but probably go home to a sexless marriage where the wife and husband are both secretly masterbating in distain to meet basic human needs.

My wife stopped performing oral sex about 10 years ago. I have no idea why, as she has become increasingly unwilling to discuss anything related to sex. Before we were married, she was an avid supporter of all things oral. We’ve spent the past three months in marriage counselling to discuss these problems, but to no avail. She always insinuates that I have some sort of sex addiction because I’d like to have sex with her three times a week. I have always performed a lot of oral on my wife, and up until a year or so ago, she seemed to like it. Unfortunately, she has now become addicted to her Hitachi Wand and she is unwilling to try to orgasm without it. She wants to have two or three orgasms and then stop having sex as soon as possible, and she has started rushing me verbally and physically when I’m going down on her. We have sex relatively infrequently, so I want it to be more meaningful and satisfying when we do have sex. I’m sort of at my breaking point here because I’ve tried to improve things for years, but all I manage to do is incite a sexual embargo that can last weeks or months. It’s such a pathetic existence.

A man who wants you to “endure” giving him a blowjob even if you don’t like it for whatever variety of reasons is not worth your time. Many men here are threatening that they’d leave. Good, let them. You dodged a bullet.

I have no problem with giving oral sex to my husband whatsoever, but this trend of thinking that your partner should be okay with every sexual act you want is ridiculous and childish. GROW UP. You will NEVER find the perfect partner. Your partner will always have flaws. That doesn’t give you the right to be a whiny baby about it become passive aggressive and threaten that you’ll divorce or leave or cheat. And oddly enough, this only comes up with men who want something sexual. They expect their wives to give them everything they want sexually or they get aggressive and insulting about it. But if a wife wants her man to be just a *little* more of anything the men moan and complain that it’s stupid to have such high standards and insist she wants the prince on the white horse. You want him to cook more? He’ll say your nagging. You want him to help out more? He’ll say you’re expecting too much. But you won’t give him the one sex act he wants? He should leave! He should cheat! He should insult you! He thinks he deserves to do these things because he has a penis!

I can’t fathom asking my husband to do something sexual that he doesn’t like or isn’t comfortable with. I wouldn’t be able to get pleasure from getting him to perform an act that I knew he didn’t like. But there are TONS of posts here from men insisting that their wives just “bare it” or “endure it.” It’s sick, really. Almost sadistic. “I know you hate it and feel uncomfortable, but it gives me pleasure so endure it!” Again, if you have a guy like this and he threatens to leave, let him. No one who loves you would be okay with you “enduring” a sex act.

Never let a person guilt you into doing something you don’t enjoy. This is not a task, or a chore, it is sex and it involves a living, breathing, thinking, feeling person, not an object. And let’s face it. If he can’t find a way to find sexual fulfillment with you with the great many sexual possibilities that exist, he’s also boring and sucks in bed. You deserve better. The reality is that there are about a million sexual things that feel incredible, but he CHOOSES to be hung up about getting oral because his ego takes a blow if you don’t do it, even if you have a good reason. Again, if he can’t find other things to do with you out of all the things that exist and still insists that you do that ONE thing you hate, he’s a terrible lover and you can do better.

(You can flip all the above for women who demand oral sex, but you won’t find nearly as many women asking reluctant husbands to “endure” sex acts they don’t like.)

Oral sex is an art, just like sex. How can a woman NOT expect her man to run away and f**k another woman who WILL s*ck his c*ck? Women have nowhere near as much testosterone as men. And no, thats not an excuse, its the f**king truth. Dont say you “love” us, when you wont s*ck our deepest desires and fantasys straight down your throats. We love licking and sucking p*ssy, so guess what? Better learn how to deepthroat and swallow his load. If not, then you get NO wedding ring, just some cum as a nice “parting” gift.

My story is a little different, She gives me oral and I do the same back. She always tells me not to or I don’t have to, but I enjoy giving her pleasure so I continue. Now My problem works this way, she loves foreplay as I do but it is very hard to get her to give me a hand job, I enjoy having her stroke me and more. She keeps telling me it’s an uncomfortable position, laying on the bed and go at it, plus even after a few minutes she gets tired and gives up. I may feel the same way, when doing her but I might change positions to keep up the action. Why is it that she can’t/won’t try different positions to keep up the action for me? We both are out of shape, in our 50’s, so it tends to be a bit of a chore but , HEY, if it pleasures each other give it your all, right!

I had to stop reading this hypocritical dribble. Why does this country seem to think that women are reasonable in every thing they ask or do? They say, “If a woman doesn’t want to give oral sex to her man, she has that right.”. But adversely, “men must be understanding in addressing the desires of their woman”. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. There are too many spineless men out there.

On the last blog I visited, I read a post written by a man who said his wife told him she wanted to suck off an 18 year old man at her job for a birthday present to the kid! It was her “fantasy”. She and her husband were over 40. And the spineless idiot husband was actually considering it!!! SCREW THAT BITCH, because that’s exactly what she is (and “yes” I’d say the same about the guy if he brought that crap home to his wife!!!). This is crazy. If women want consideration from their men, then they should expect to give that same consideration to their men.

Women’s lib is a two edged sword. It’s a give and take; not the woman always taking and not giving. I would rather be alone (and I’m not, and I demand the same respect that I give), then to be cockolded by my wife or controlled sexually(and I’m not talking about off the wall weird stuff either). Sometimes….hasta luego is the best power you can exert. You may not be able to “control” her, but you can always control yourself. Walk away and leave her to another guy. Women and men, do not have to be puppets for partners who want to use and control them, or who even refuse to satisfy them in a way that they need or want to be satisfied. It’s good for your self respect and peace of mind. I will not be in a serious relationship with a woman who will not satisfy me in the way that I want. It’s not fair to me, and it’s not fair to her. It will most likely lead to problems in the relationship. Life is just too short.