Pretend Mars mission a success, confirms group of nine year-old boys

15-02-11

A SUCCESSFUL simulated Mars mission saw encounters with aliens and also zombies, according to the children who organised it.

Hayes is now convinced a real mission would be equally sucessful

In a scientifically-accurate pretend space journey in Tom Logan’s dad’s garage, Stephen Malley and Wayne Hayes negotiated a massive meteor storm to land their craft, the HMS Space Blaster, on the surface of the red planet.

Captain Wayne Hayes, who is 10 next month, said: “The meteors almost got through the shields but I put the warp drive on and then it was fine.

“On the ship we ate mostly space foods like Skittles and Kia-Ora. You have to be really careful what you eat as you can’t have a poo in space because there is no gravity and it will go back up your bum and make your head explode.”

He added: “Also if you do a guff in your spacesuit you die.”

Captain Stephen Malley, who was deemed joint captain after a lengthy argument at the beginning of the mission, said: “We landed in a crater a million miles wide, then we put our spacesuits on with the help of our robots, R2D2 and C3PO from Star Wars.

“I had a spacesuit with lasers on the arms while Wayne had a pink spacesuit with a picture of a pony on it.

“We got attacked by martians with spears. I killed about ten thousand of them with my lasers but there were too many of them. They looked like big frogs but with horns and metal bits.

“Then some zombies killed the martians and we went home.”

Tom Logan , the Boss of NASA, said: “We learned a lot from this mission – including the need for much bigger lasers and lots of special space nappies for when Stephen Malley gets all excited and then pees his pants like a gayboy.”