Post-Modern Love

I don’t normally much care for the modern love column in the Sunday Styles section of the Times. But today, instead of featuring yet another story of someone’s love gone awry, Daniel Jones writes about what he’s learned from editing these stories:

“I’ve read few accounts more fraught with hope and anxiety than those about people who want children but face obstacles: single with a ticking biological clock, infertile, genetically at-risk, gay… They worry about the implications and morality of their choices, about whether they’re being selfish or playing God. But when a couple get their baby (if they do), the angst and doubt instantly melt away, and all they can think about is how much they love this no-longer-abstract child.”

We went to a meeting of our local glbt families group today. I always feel hesitant and like a bit of a failure going to these things. After all, we still don’t have kids. And the prospective parent status seems like it must be wearing thin after two-plus years.

My anxieties were blown away the minute we walked into the room. Everyone there was so incredibly welcoming and supportive. The noise level got a little intense at times with 15+ kids from 11 months to 11 years running loose, building everestian mountains of frosting on top of heart shaped sugar cookies. (Mmm… frosting. And chocolate covered strawberries. And a big chocolatey smooch to my friends at Lilly for inventing humalog. I love not having to wait an 1.5 hours for my quick-acting insulin to kick in). So many kids – both bio and adopted, from near and far. It was wonderful to see all the different ways that people have chosen to build their familes and all the love and thought that went into those families.

It may (sigh) will take a while yet for our child to move from the abstract to the real. But I want you to know, kiddo, whomever you may be and however you will come into our lives. You will be loved. A lot. With frosting on top.

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Note to self: try reading this blog from home where you can cry if you need to. Your post struck many chords with me. Longing for a child, and the complications of diabetes piled on top of not being able to just get pregnant. The obstacles of trying to form a non-traditional family. What the heck is a ‘traditional family’ anyway, and where is the proof that it works so much better than a stable family full of love?

It just shouldn’t be so hard for good people with a ton of love to give a child to have children when there are so many people who are not good parents who have no trouble at all.

For several reasons, my husband and I looking into adoption and it looks so frustrating. We have not even been married a year yet so we are not ready to actually do anything yet but we are also not getting any younger (he’s 42, I’m 33)and the odds seem to be stacking up against us.

So I guess I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you and I am totally rooting for you.
~Melissa