Trailer Talk: ‘Priest’ (International Version)

Today’s wisenheimer intro is dedicated to the late Don LaFontaine, aka “The Voice of God” and “the movie announcer guy,” who died two years ago. As you read this next line, please imagine his voice in your mind.

In a world besieged by futuristic post-apocalyptic Old West vampires, who would you much rather have by your side: a half psycho alcoholic dude with a boomstick, or a heavily armed renegade man of the cloth with a vendetta? Personally, I’d take Bruce Campbell any day of the week, but Paul Bettany isn’t bad either in Priest, due out Summer 2011.

This is your standard summer blockbuster action movie based on geek lit, in this case the Korean graphic novels (manhwa) of the same name. On an altered Earth, Christians and Satanic vampires have been going at it for centuries. The last major conflict between the two parties was essentially World War III prior to the start of the movie, ending with the vampires laying low, and the rest of the world really straining to earn that steampunk merit badge. After a century, a group of vampire outlaws led by Black Hat (Karl Urban) begin wreaking havoc all over the land.

Enter Priest Ivan Isaacs (Bettany) on his white horse. After witnessing his niece (yes, his niece) get taken by Black Hat’s vamps, he swears revenge a la Liam Neeson in “Taken.” Breaking Church law to the tune of an immediate excommunication and exile, he teams up with the local sheriff and a priestess, and proceeds to slaughter his way to his niece.

Honestly, I think this is going to be yet another case of Hollywood Heatstroke — a highly touted movie in 3D with a high body count with a very generic plot distilled from cult genius killed by its own quest to be the it movie of the summer. None of the acting talent excites me (which also includes Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q and Stephen Moyer). Christopher Plummer is surprising since this movie is well below his pay grade. It’ll probably do well at the box, like most disposable action films, but I would wait until it came on TV. Even then, I don’t see myself watching it.

I don’t know why but I’m super excited for PRIEST! Been waiting for it for over a year, it was supposed to come out this year but got pushed to 2011. I was supposed to go to a test screening of it a few months back, but sadly the cancelled it!

I’d agree with most of this. I ended up being really disappointed in the movie, not because it was rubbish, but because the casting choices made it impossible for the movie to be anything other than mediocre. Perhaps the story was not accessible enough to get better actors on board, but going the route they went doomed it for me.