Welcome to Ian Lang’s advice column, Man to Man, where he answers your questions about, well, everything. Ian is like your friend/older brother/uncle, except he won't make fun of you. Got a question for Ian? Email him at theianlang@gmail.com.

Ian,

This is a question about sexism in the workplace — but not the way you might be thinking. I’ve been at my first “adult” job since August, and my boss is a woman. It’s mostly a fine place to work, but the other day she said something that really bugged me. We needed a new thing of copier paper, which is stored in boxes up in a closet. My boss looked at me and said “Cliff, go grab another box of paper. You’re a strong guy.” I don’t know why it still bothers me, but it does. Isn’t that kind of sexist? Just because I’m a guy, I’m better suited to lifting things? If so, how do I go about addressing it?

Thanks,Cliff

Cliff,

In a word: no.

One good thing about us millennials is that when it comes to ugly social phenomena, usually the ones that end in -ism or -ist, we’re at least more aware of it than people have been in the past. Sixty years ago, for instance, I don’t think the word “sexism” existed, and certainly wouldn’t have been used by a man referring to himself as a victim of it. There’s also a good reason why you still rarely hear it used that way today — it’s kind of hard to do.

See, what makes things like racism, sexism, classism, etc. so universally reviled is that they’re tools uniquely used by dominant groups to limit, oppress, and subjugate non-dominant groups. In North America (and most of the world, really) those dominant groups are whites, males, and rich people. That’s why things like “reverse racism” don’t really exist — you can’t really use them to limit or subjugate, say, white people. Now, sure, people from other classes, genders or races can be inappropriate or intentionally discriminatory, but you can’t really apply the xxx-ist label to it. The same mostly goes for sexism, though there’s more wiggle room.

A quick way to determine whether or not something your boss is doing is sexist is the following: First, is the thing she’s saying or requesting inappropriate within the confines of your job duties? If you were, say, a high-ranking female exec and yet the CEO puts you on phone duty, that’s suspect. In your case, it sounds like retrieving office supplies is a normal expectation for a new hire. So, nothing appears to be afoot just yet. Second, does the thing your boss is saying or requesting allude to or perpetuate any stereotypes about your gender? If you were a female working in a mixed group of new hires, yet you were the only one ever tasked with serving coffee to clients, that would be something. But again, in your case, I think your boss is in the clear. I’ll explain.

The notion that men are better suited to lifting heavy things isn’t so much a stereotype as it is a pretty universal fact across the human race — men tend to have greater upper body strength. Retrieving the copy paper is part of your job duties and you seemed as well or better able to do it as anyone else, thanks to your gender. Now, like I said, there is the possibility for sexism to happen. If, say, you were upset or crying at work (maybe your dog died or your football team lost or something) and your boss was like, “Man up and stop being such a pussy,” that could be considered sexism. It perpetuates the notion that all men are emotional monoliths and that can, at least with regards to how we’re perceived and treated by others, be a damaging thing.

That’s not what happened to you, though. You got asked to move a box. Could your boss have done without the “you’re a man” part? Absolutely, but it doesn’t make it sexist in the true sense of the term. If you want to call her out on it, next time just make an offhand remark about being nothing but a piece of meat, or start whistling “Beast of Burden.” If nothing else, it’ll goad her into saying some actually sexist things, and then you can report her to HR.