Bush Threatens North Korea with Financial Payloads

President Bush issued a stern warning to North Korea today in response to the missile crisies, a warning that is expected to bring the North Koreans to the negotiating table:

“The United States is prepared to retaliate against North Korea with the full force of the United States Treasury. If North Korea will not abandon their missiles, then we are prepared to conduct precision bombing operations to deliver massive payloads of cash to enemy targets. North Korean targets will experience shock and awe when they see what America’s finest, the US taxpayer, can deliver to bank accounts deep within enemy borders or anywhere in the world, anytime. We want our enemies to know that we mean business. Big business.”

When asked if a military invasion of North Korea was in the works, now that they have demonstrated an intention to threaten the US with weapons of mass destruction, Bush insisted that this would be inappropriate:

“Are you crazy? They have real weapons of mass destruction. They could be a genuine threat. You think we want to aggravate an enemy like that? We’re going to rely on negotiating, backed up with the threat of massive financial firepower. We can do it. We’re prepared to put our money where there mouth is.”

By Jeffrey Lindsay|
2016-10-24T05:58:02+00:00 July 5th, 2006|Categories: Politics, Satire|Comments Off on Bush Threatens North Korea with Financial Payloads

About Jeff Lindsay

Jeff Lindsay lives in Shanghai but has roots in Utah and Wisconsin. His interests include China and Chinese (the language and the food), intellectual property, chemical engineering, magic (a hobby), reading, writing, travel, photography, and his LDS faith.

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