Exploring my life through the lens of a camera…

Posts Tagged ‘Blues Dancing’

I almost didn’t go tonight. In fact I didn’t decide to go until the band had already been playing for 20min. I had a really bad time last week, I didn’t mind just sitting out and watching but last week I didn’t want to lead and with a 3:1 lead:follow ratio it kind of sucked. So I was hesitant to go this week. I had an intense pilates class this evening, and I can feel my core muscles — tomorrow will hurt. In a good way.

So even though I had my status posted as considering yaling, I was planning on being home and on my sofa for the evening. I started down that road and was reading a relationships book loaned to me by a friend. It offended me on behalf of every guy I know. I hope that the book is wrong, though, given my current single status and seeming ability to attract emotionally (or physically) unavailable guys of late, I’m not sure. So I was a bit grouchy. I decided pretty quickly to go to dancing. My friend had texted me that it was balanced and that there were about 12 people there. So it seemed like a good thing. I couldn’t find out if the @#$#@! of last week was there or not, but I decided I could risk it — after all I didn’t really want him there but I could always duck out quietly if needed. I was in luck, it was all friends and friendly people. I got there at the end of the first set and had the chance to hang around with people, laugh chat, lots of great dances — in fact other than one slightly awkward beginner (with lots of potential) I had all great dances.

So I’d been debating going all evening, decided not to, changed my mind and it was great. I had a dance with one friend in particular that will go on my specific all time remember dances. I also bonded with a follow — someone who’s really cool but who I don’t really know well yet (but gives me the impression that she’d be a good person with whom to cultivate an outside of dance friendship) who had such a great time dancing with me (I was leading) that she came up to me after we danced and said “Don’t take this the wrong way, but that was HOT.” Which, if you know me, you know that I consider myself an early intermediate lead so maybe I’m selling myself short. I should try leading more.

This week has mostly been good. I feel productive at work, which makes me enjoy being there. I’m dealing with customers and their questions, and I think I’ve even solved one – on my own without asking for help. I’ve been busy and my manager even cautioned me to remember to say something if I get too busy. She saw me running around handling a bunch of things yesterday.

Tuesday was Belly Dancing, and it was a lot of fun. I need to decide if I’m going to continue Belly Dancing on Tuesdays or keep that night available for Lindy Classes. Right now, I’m leaning towards Belly Dancing. GASP. Not because I don’t like lindy but because it’s 100% for me, it will help my lindy and blues, and hopefully release some tight muscles and build my core.

Wednesday I was feeling a little like I needed some alone time, so I decided that I’d only go out if others planned it, and by the time I got a call, I was almost in bed. So no fireworks, but I’ll see them tonight and I already have my plans for next Wednesday.

Thursday was a frustrating night, in many ways. Between trying to sort out carpools, housing and a few other things, I was definitely tense. What I really need is a full back massage. Badly. I accept all offers… 😉

I was in a pretty frustrated mood so I went home. I didn’t feel the frustration at work the next day because my mind was engaged and I was challenged quite well all day. But I did really feel it after work – badly enough that I had ice cream for dinner (you know you’re in a bad mood when…). Fortunately I had cleaning to do as I know I was going to have Seattle dancers staying at my place last night. So I used that to deal with my frustration. It felt good and by the time I got going to the dance last night, I was in a good mood and had some great dances.

So now I’m hanging out, really wanting to be asleep, but unfortunately, I’m awake. My guests are all in the living room and most are totally crashed out. One seems to be a lighter sleeper and keeps moving every time I do, so now that I’m inside from my balcony, I’m sitting in my room.

I’ve been pondering the goals idea and where I want my life to go and how to get there – personally, financially etc etc. So I there’s a question posed by a great site I found, called Smart Cookies. This group of local women are quite inspiring and I’d love to have the kind of support they have from each other. Anyhow, they ask you to describe your perfect day. In so doing, you define your priorities and as you start working towards goals helps you to define them and helps you define what’s really important to you. I’ve been thinking about that question, and if I could have great nights like last night, it would definitely be part of my ‘perfect day’. There’s a lot more to that answer for me than that, but that’s one part.

So that leads me to figuring out how I can deal with my ‘stuff’ enough that it’s easier to throw myself into dancing without letting other stresses interfere. How I can be good enough that people love dancing with me, and so that I have the self confidence to walk up even to any of the ‘great’ dancers who I am terribly intimidated about asking.

Does this mean I should keep taking Belly Dancing in the fall. It’s a different dance, but would give me the body awareness, core strength, and self confidence that I think would be useful. Or do I save Tuesday nights for Lindy? For the moment Belly Dancing is winning, because it would be 100% for me, but that’s a decision I can make later.

For now though, the question is posed to anyone reading this post: What is your “perfect day”?

So I haven’t posted in at least a week. I’m not sure who’s consistently reading my blog but I’m still around. I have may stories of this past week and many thoughts and I got hung up on finishing the story of my Canada Day. I still have that post in draft form, but not finishing it (too tired from the events) meant I haven’t continued blogging about the rest of what’s been going on.

Like, friends starting to learn to dance (that’s their stories not mine, but it made me happy), the day hiking trip that became ‘operation drowned rat’, dancing, work, making two batches of strawberry jam — the current count is 17 cups.

But I can’t let that be a hangup, because I don’t want to stop blogging just because I’m too busy or too tired to finish a post from a week ago. Suffice it to say, by not blogging, I’m out having fun. I’ve found my fun again. I’m starting to see dreams again that I’ve not been able to see for a while. I suppose that’s good, but these dreams feel unattainable right now. I hope I’m wrong, and I am working on doing what I need to do to allow those dreams to become a reality.

So this week has been dancing, slacking off on running a little bit, hiking, friends and just enjoying my time. Had dinner with my grandma yesterday. I’ve been hiding and dealing with some stuff, so I haven’t seen her lately, though it was really really nice to catch up. I’ve missed her.

Tonight I went to Monk McQueen’s for drinks with my coworkers — two of my coworkers were having birthdays. Purely social, not a work event, which is nice. It’s making me more comfortable, though specifics about thoughts and plans are kept close.

Afterwards I came home and made jam: The recipe is in the Certo Light Package. Quite yummy if I may say so myself. My friend ‘J’ came over (a tangent: I just realized how confusing it is going to be to use initials for friends nicknames. I’ll have to come up with a better plan, but for now, J it is..EDIT: This J is now Jools in the future…), anyhow, J came over and she helped me finish up the jam — it’s much easier to have help to fill the jars, than not. Then we cooked dinner on my BBQ and had dinner while I processed the jars of jam. Later on I went dancing at The Yale. No yale stories — I wish I’d had a blog last summer and fall. Every week there was a different yale story (all relating to how random bar patrons would hit on me). It became legend. Some were quite funny too. Anyhow, we arrived late and there were only 4 of us, 5 for much of the time. So I had to lead. But it let me get some stuff out of my system, distracted me from thinking about things that could have just stressed me out, and I had some fun dances.

And that brings me to now. I still would like to finish my Canada Day post but not tonight. For now I’m going to sleep, hopefully be ready to enjoy belly dance class tomorrow night, and get a run in (perhaps I should run to belly dance… that may work…). How I wish my bike were fixed!

6am. Awake on a Saturday morning. I am still smiling from last night, but I’m groggy from a serious lack of sleep…

Last night was a blues dance night and for the first time in probably 2 months, I genuinely had a great time. I dragged myself there, but loved every minute of it. My dancing was chaotic but I had fun. I even felt like I was being asked to dance because the leads wanted to dance with me and not just because they’re my friends and they’re concerned and know how stressed out I’ve been about my personal life. I had a memorable dance with a close friend of mine — I always enjoy dancing with him, but this one in particular made me go ‘wow’. I don’t remember the song, but I will remember the dance.

I left at 1am (this dance goes until 3am). I was happy to leave on a high note, with not a moment of frustration at the dance, but I was also sad to leave while I was in the middle of having fun dances. But I had to go, because I had to get up around 6am today.

6am. Awake on a Saturday morning. I am still smiling from last night…

My automatic coffeemaker has brewed my coffee, and I take my breakfast and coffee onto my balcony. The sky is perfectly blue, not a cloud in sight. The weather has a cool warmth to it. The kind of weather that is nice, comfortable at that moment and speaks volumes about just how hot it’s going to get.

There is not a sound. Even the birds are sleeping in. No cars, no people. Nothing. It is a moment of peace. I have time to reflect on last night, and how happy I am that I found something that I’d lost a few months ago. I feel like myself again. My smile isn’t forced, and I want to weep with the relief that, for a short moment at least, I am not carrying a heavy weight.

It is a morning of peace. Slowly the coffee kicks in and my brain wakes up. I get dressed and begin to make final preparations for the exam. As I putter about, accomplishing nothing at all, I cherish this moment. Not rushing off to work, or to a weekend morning run. Soon my email ‘you’ve got mail’ sound rings, and the exam begins.

I work on the exam with the least stress I have ever had. As a perfectionist, that is saying quite a lot. This whole morning feels like a new beginning. I don’t know if this exam will lead to anything career-wise. I don’t know, yet, if I want it to. But today feels like the beginning of enjoying the ‘now’. My backup plans are in place, I don’t have to worry about “what if”. Without trying I’ve got two “what if” options available to me. Somehow this helps to make it easier to relax in the ‘now’ – where I work, what I’m doing.

Yes, I do wonder if anyone who knows me through work has found this blog. But I’m okay with that. In reading my blog I hope they see that I truly enjoy where I work, and that in building back up plans — without really trying on my part — I am protecting myself from going through another 18+ long long months of not working full time. I still wont let search engines pull up this blog, but I do hope my friends, family and strangers who have found this blog will keep reading. I welcome you and I hope you leave comments, they make me smile. As much as I dislike making myself vulnerable, perhaps this is an important step to take.

So I am still smiling after a morning of delight and beauty and I look towards an afternoon that may involve, beach, BBQ, bicycles, but definitely finding pleasure in the beginnings of summer.

I don’t have children – yet (and it’s a long way off in the future when I do). I have babysat a lot over the years, and I’ll admit that I do occasionally look after my friend’s son – though I enjoy spending time with both of them, so more often than not it’s the 3 of us, or perhaps just my friend and I if my friend’s taking a break for the evening. But occasionally I will babysit while she goes out.

Tonight was one of those evenings. Her son was finished his dinner, so we played, he showed me his firetruck, a car, we played with the kitty (or she hissed at him and glared at me, rather), read a lot of books, played with a wooden puzzle with sea creatures, and played with the big soft blocks (fun involving me stacking them on my head until he knocks them off).

Then Bedtime came. So I started the bath but was sensing some resistance. However, I got the bath going, and when her son didn’t want to take it, I gave him a choice: bath & play a bit, read more then bed, or just PJ’s and read then bed.

He chose the PJ’s. So we read lots of books, said goodnight to everything in sight even had an easy teeth brushing (though not in that order…). Then when it came time to put him into his bed. He SCREAMED. He. Had. To. Have. A. Bath. And of course there’s no reasoning with a 2.5 year old who’s upset.

I hope he remembers the fun we had playing and not the ‘bath no bath issue’. Thankfully he fell asleep before his mom got home – by the end of things he was gasping ‘I <gasp> Need <gasp> Mommy <gasp> <scream>’. I managed to get him lying down and then I rubbed his back until it was just cries and then I left him alone and he fell asleep soon after.

Otherwise, a fun evening hanging out with my friend and her adorable son (both of whom I love to pieces), though I did manage to miss Blues at the Yale. Again. I had every intention of going, but some things are not meant to be, and this was definitely the right choice for this evening. Next week, though, I’ll be there. And I’ll stay for all 3 sets. Having a STAT holiday the next day helps in that respect…