Mariah Carey Has Some Pretty Fancy Cameltoe, Guys

I guess it’s a good day for Mariah Carey when we’re talking about her on Evil Beet, even if it is because she’s showing off one of the most impressive cameltoes I’ve seen in this life.

I mean, we could be talking about your persistent divorce rumors, how fabulous you look, or how great your music is, but girl, the cameltoe beats all. I’m not joking. It is, by far, the most important thing you’ve done in a decade (aside from dem babies—they’re pretty good, too).

Anyway, if you lurve Mariah and you’re not here to talk about her MASSIVE CAMELTOE, then here’s a topic of discussion for you. She and husband Nick Cannon just renewed their wedding vows! Isn’t that special? And after only four years, too, can you believe it?

Spokeswoman Cindi Berger told the Associated Press that Carey, 42, and Cannon, 31, marked the occasion with an “intimate ceremony after a romantic dinner at the beautiful Jules Verne restaurant” just after midnight local time.

Photos show the singer wearing a white, form-fitting mermaid gown with a black bow at the waist, while her husband donned a white tuxedo and black bowtie.

The couple also took time during the Paris trip to shop for their nearly-1-year-old twins.

Now, first of all, does it not seem like these two have been married way longer than four years? I mean, Mariah’s at least sixty, which makes him forty-five at best, so that means they *must* have been married for at least two decades, right? Their kids are, what, headed toward twenty by now? No? Dem babies are only a year old? Nick’s only thirty-one? Mariah’s … still thirty-one (ha! No, she’s forty-two, but nice try)? My oh my how the time does go by.

Congratulations, you two, and may you celebrate—at the very least!—another four years of wedded bliss. Preferably in another four years, no trickin’ me again.