9.29.2010

Pain of Paying Cash

Numerous studies have now repeated demonstrated that consumers who regularly use plastic for their purchases spend between 12-50% more (depending on the venue) than their cash-paying counterparts.

This phenomenon is known as the pain of paying cash. It is believed that direct loss of money causes our subconscious minds pain, so in an attempt to minimize the damage, we spend less. Thus, knowing that the money is coming out of our accounts serves as a motivator for us to spend less. By purchasing items on credit, there is a disconnect between purchasing and paying. When the financial pain is delayed to the end of the month, such as when one receives his or her monthly credit card statement, there is less motivation to curtail spending. Read article here

9.23.2010

Poor Communication Skills? John Gottman, Ph.D. has clearly articulated the four most concerning elements present in a couple's communication pattern.They are called the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. These four issues include: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. (Contempt for a partner being the most crucial indicator of divorce).

Check out private weekend retreats for couples, offered by John Gottman, PhD, the clinical psychologist who has studied couples for the past 25 years. His pre-marriage test appears to be a very accurate predictor of relationships that will go the distance.

9.10.2010

A relational dyad is made up of the emotional pairing of two people.
It can be a relationship between any two people, such as,father and son, neighbors, teacher and student, husband and wife, co-workers, boss and subordinate, or brother and sister.

The idea of “relating” is specifically concerned with the significant thoughts and feelings that we experience with another person.

Situation (I say hello)

Thought about this interchange (I like him and want to see him again)

Feelings (positive)

Another more in depth example: Situation (discussing a budget with partner) Thoughts (she’s not listening to me) Feelings (angry).

This is the relational sequence of events – creating an “experience.” In real life, of course, this flow, or sequence, occurs within a flash.

Many times we walk away from an encounter and have a flood of emotion (either good or bad) and are unable to concisely explain what just happened. We may say, “I feel stressed” or “She really upsets me,” but that isn’t very helpful in our goal towards positive and loving relationships.

Successful therapy crunches an “experience” into minute thoughts and feelings so that we may examine where a conversation or interchange becomes conflicted or upsetting. In other words, we can begin to break the negative cycle.

If you are visual, it may help to view it this way. The situation = black, the thoughts that follow = white, and the feelings = gray

Many people believe that feelings “happen.” Someone may say, “We can’t talk” or “He confuses me.”

In fact, thoughts happen first…feelings follow. On average, each person has 400 thoughts per minute…our brain is always working (even when we sleep!).

So, back to an example…if I have lunch with Bill (situation) and think to myself, “Bill likes me.” My feelings might be “happy” - I had a great time, a positive experience. On a deeper level, a more accurate description is “We connected!”

Having connected-ness with someone is the experience we most want.

When we feel connected to others, we believe we are “seen,” fully seen, and “heard.”

Another example: I have a disagreement with a neighbor. I say to myself, “she’s irrational.” I then “feel” angry, afraid, or frustrated.

Describing our experience as accurately as possible helps others relate to us. Conversely, as we are better able to see and hear our loved ones, increased compassion enables us to stay connected and allow others to feel loved. Human nature draws us to these positive experiences.

9.03.2010

Consumer Alert:You are eligible for One Free Credit Report Annually through this link. (https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp). Do not be fooled by any other website that charges a fee, anywhere from $1 to $50.00. AnnualCreditReport.com is the official site to help consumers to obtain their free credit report.

9.02.2010

"Starting school is an exciting time, but can be stressful for both parents and children. The carefree days of summer are over, and it's time to get back to work. Trouble is, the level of "work" at modern American schools has become rote, overwhelming, stressful and often ineffective in developing the critical thinking skills necessary to compete. For many kids, school feels more like a destination than a discovery, and a race instead of a journey. For many experts and parents, it has become a race -- to nowhere."

"The issue of mothers in combat isn't something our society has really looked at. I talked to one Marine, Jocelyn Proano, who got deployed when her daughter was 1. She said, "When I got on that plane, the Mommy mentality left me, and the Marine mentality hit me." Being a soldier becomes their identity. Jocelyn ended up extending her deployment by six months, so she didn't have to leave her unit. Another soldier, Connica McFadden, she was breastfeeding when she was deployed. When she got back, her daughter didn't recognize her and cried when she was left alone with her."