Winter Survival Kit - two dogs, one cat and a bunch of blankets

Winter Survival Kit &#8212; two dogs, one cat and a bunch of blankets

All during Fall, a friend kept sending me stories about the upcoming Winter. The predictions were dire. The postings were almost apocalyptic. She must have gone through a bushel of persimmon seeds, scrying for spoons that are supposed to forecast heavy snow.

This is truly a person who has never regularly pooped in the woods because she had to.

I don’t know how I survived my childhood. As a kid, it never snowed as much as I wanted it to. But when it did, man! It was not a treat. Well, that’s not entirely true. The snow cream Mama made was definitely a treat. But trudging through the trees to the outhouse was not. Trying to carry water when the water lines froze (and they always froze) without spilling it in our shoes was brutal.

And being stuck in the house with my brothers? Definitely not priceless. They could find the most innovative uses for the slime that came in their Christmas chemistry sets and it usually involved demonstrating nasal hangtimes right in the middle of dinner.

Now, as an adult, I dread Old Man Winter more than my government representatives. You’ve heard that old saw, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”? That’s nothing compared to the cold Winter winds that howl around the house, rattling the roof, saying, “I’m from the Arctic and I ain’t helping nobody!”

I blame all those school kids out there, praying to the heavens for snow just so they can skip a day of classes. I truly believe heart-felt prayers are answered and when they come from all those saccharine, cherub lips, well, how’s a deity supposed to resist?

See, if those lovely, little rug rats had to schlep water in driving, gale-force winds or scavenge in the frozen forest for pine knots for the fire – that would put an end to all these supplications for frozen precip. Maybe if we docked their allowances for heating bills – although I’m not sure how much propane one could buy with piggy bank funds.

I guess it’s better to let kids be kids and let them enjoy the season before they learn how much they will soon have to pay for it. As for me, I plan to stay huddled near the fire. Old Man Winter is knocking at the door. Gonna be a two-dog-and-one-cat night.