mash and trash

Closed for refurbishment (2): Forgive

The fastest way to free yourself from an enemy and all associated negativity is to forgive. Untie the bindings and loose yourself from that person’s ugliness. Your hatred has tied you to the person responsible for your pain. Your forgiveness enables you to start walking away from him or her and the pain. When your enemy and his or her evil actions come to mind, send him or her a blessing. Hope the best for him or her. The first 15 – or 150 – times you try this, the “blessing” may feel contrived, empty, and even hypocritical but keep trying. Eventually, it will become a new habit and soon thereafter, the anger and pain that has burned in your heart will evaporate. http://m.wikihow.com/Get-Closure

In finding forgiveness I am separating past issues from the continuing and current occasions where people are behaving badly towards me and my partner – I need to do this – although the current situation and continuing actions does not help me move on and help us heal.

I find it difficult to move on from bullying texts being sent, I find it difficult to move on from people bullying my partner by ignoring him.

I am aware that this current situation might be making me ill, my chronic fatigue syndrome has raised it tedious head again and I have felt awful for the past three weeks. I cannot continue like this – the negativity from others who are supposed to be close to us – has to stop, now!

But how can you move on when people continue to invade our privacy and home-life by sending abusive and hateful texts?

So I reach for forgiveness, to help me move on and hope that we are not contacted and yet not continually ignored. I also waiver into a strange feeling of ‘well fuck you then’ – if you don’t want us, great, good riddance, leave us alone.

Today, I draw a line, where no further do you cross, no further do you hurt or harm me – and because I assume that you are not aware of how hurtful you are behaving, I forgive you

At the inquest for my father, the hospital apologized to my stepmother and me for not telling us the truth and withholding information from us about my fathers health and worsening medical condition. We found out at the inquest that he had fallen three times in the hospital, not the once that we were told. We found out that that the doctor in charge had told the staff that we should have been told that my father was dying, but they withheld this information from us. At the inquest, we were told this news, they apologized. Lilian (his wife) was able to accept their apology, and because of this I do too.

In drawing a line, in helping me find a path to forgiveness, I make this list, none of this is meant to hurt anyone, but to help me and for that I hope you understand where I am trying to get to

I forgive you all for:

Lying to us and withholding the truth about how ill my father was

Not allowing me to properly say ‘goodbye’ to my father

Giving me false hope

Not acknowledging what was going on in my life at an important time

Sending emails threatening withdrawal of relationships at a difficult and emotional time

Not supporting my partner to support me when I lost my father

Not listening, just talking

Contacting our friends while ignoring my partner and me

Acting out the victim role when you have been the perpetrator

Manipulating situations to make yourself seem innocent

Not taking responsibility for your own actions

Sending hateful and hurtful texts and emails

Assuming that you have the answers to problems

Bullying my partner into behaving as you see fit

Not allowing me to grieve in peace

I am letting this all go, I forgive you, for what it’s worth, I forgive you!