Monthly Archives: February 2015

My name is Emily (not IRL) and the best way I can think to describe myself is that I am a very honest, relatively nice person with a great sense of humor, but mess with my Friends and I can become unpleasant.Some people love me for my honesty some hate me for the same reason.

I have had OCD since I was a small child. Nothing too bad, but I was unquestionably obsessive. If I didn’t do things a certain number of times or the right way, the Anxiety would kick in. I have suffered from Depression since about age 16, but was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder. I remember being a teenager and saying to myself “I will never worry like my Mom.” Boy was I wrong. The GAD diagnosis came as an adult. I experienced some alcohol and drug addiction days. At one time Bipolar and ADHD were thought to be a problem as well. I’m not sure if the BPD was ever a diagnosis or just phases I went through. Charming!!!! Writing this is making me feel ancient and a bit baffled.

I have tried virtually every medication available for Depression. I’ve been labeled ‘treatment resistant’. Through a lot of hard work and a lot of help and support, I have experienced some relief from Depression. Unfortunately, when “I woke up” this last time, the Anxiety seemed to surge. Today I battle Anxiety, OCD, and have a lot of new feelings to get a handle on. Including feelings of nothing. I do believe that feeling nothing is better than those horrible, gut wrenching feelings of Depression. I am still learning. I recently had an alarming experience that ended with a Conversion Disorder diagnosis. It was either that or a dreadful medication interaction? The Doctors disagree. It doesn’t really matter, because I choose to listen to all of them and do exactly what they all say.

Today I find myself taking life one feeling, one problem, one appointment, and one barking beagle at a time.

I ended writing here. I’ve come back to it a few times, but had nothing to add. I was stuck.

Today I figured out what to do. It just came to me. It became a meddlesome, obsessive thought, but it was one of the good ones. I will end my story.

I know what I am going to write about. It will be about how a young happy child went from being a scared, confused, lost little girl to the strong, grateful, somewhat independent woman she is today. I do not know what I will write about or when I will write, but I will write. I may not write every day, or every week, or even every month, but I will write. Someone I trust suggested that if I record my thoughts, I might be able to understand more and figure things out a little better. One thing I have learned in my long lifetime is to take some of the suggestions given to me. The person might actually know something that I don’t.

wherehaveIbeen?whereamIgoing?

Humor has gotten me through some very tough times. I depend on humor. One goal I have is to make someone smirk, smile, or laugh every day. Chuckles are good too.
You can learn more about my life RIGHT HERE
I've been here since Feb2015 (Jan is a mistake) and I still don't know why I am here or what I am doing.

ALL names in ALL posts have ALL been changed to protect ALL the
innocent.