It's simple to understand what the Founding Fathers had in mind in celebrating Independence Day.

In the short term, they cherished freedom from British tyranny.

In the long view, obviously, freedom from the tyranny of Major League Eating's iron fist.

Sadly, though, a raging dispute resulted in Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest taking place Wednesday for the third consecutive year without Takeru Kobayashi.

"I want people to know the truth," Kobayashi said in an interview with "SB Nation."

The truth?

We can handle the truth.

The problem, in this case, is feigning interest in it.

Kobayashi told "SB Nation" that Major League Eating wanted to unfairly control him. It wanted to dictate what competitive eating events he could enter.

(It gets worse. If there's a young hot dog eater in the room and you are reading this aloud as you customarily do with every Shaw's Spin, you might want to stick two soggy buns in his or her ears.)

According to Kobayashi, not only did MLE try to control him eventwise, the contract also mandated he could endorse only MLE-approved products. The only language in the deal at the time called for a $10,000 endorsement of Pepto-Bismol.

"What remains," the "SB Nation" story concludes, "is that Kobayashi is still on his own, navigating a niche industry, performing a freak event, and having to live in his head, many times alone, in his Manhattan apartment. Often, people forget he is human, and instead they view him through a carnival-esque prism that aligns with his chosen profession."

Manhattan apartment?

I think I speak for all Americans when I say if Independence Day isn't about fighting for a man named Kobayashi to competitively gorge himself on Coney Island hot dogs against the hungriest competitors available, then we have lost the meaning of freedom.

Disney villain

Come to think of it, it's far easier to rally around Kobayashi than Dwight Howard.

Kevin Kiley of WKRK FM/92.3 The Fan, radio partner of The Plain Dealer, asked listeners this past Tuesday to weigh in: Who handled things worse? LeBron James leaving Cleveland or Dwight Howard trying to escape from Orlando?

My answer on air that day: Howard.

My answer today: Howard by a mile.

He sabotaged last season and tried to get his coach fired before finally agreeing to waive his escape clause. At the time, this is what he said to RealGM.com as remembered by Greg Cote of the Miami Herald this week:

"Man, listen, you know my heart, my soul and everything I have is in Orlando. I just can't leave it behind. I apologize for this circus I have caused to the fans of our city. They didn't deserve none of this. I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart. I will do whatever I can to make this right and do what I was put in Orlando to do."

By which, he apparently meant 1.) claim the team blackmailed you into waiving the clause; and 2.) demand to be traded again in June.

Stan Van Gundy is gone. The front office was torn asunder.

Yes, I know. At least he has given Orlando a chance to get something for him.

With his demand to only sign a long-term deal with the Nets, good luck with that, Orlando.

Spinoffs

According to a published report, New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees "could be forced to settle for a one-year, $16.3 million deal if he can't reach a new long-term deal by July 16."

Thoughts and prayers.

Sign that I've been watching too much women's tennis: Was just asked to leave Panera Bread for "excessive grunting" while writing Spin.

Reports say Jeremy Lin could receive a contract offer paying him as much as $24 million, broadening, if not rewriting, the definition of "Lin-sanity."

Ubaldo Jimenez has walked enough hitters unintentionally that asking him to walk two hitters intentionally in the same inning -- one loading the bases -- was like replacing Nik Wallenda's 30-foot balance pole with a hot potato high over Niagara Falls.

Chad Ochocinco said he will continue playing until he's 40 -- a vow serving as the first indication that he did, indeed, play somewhere last season.

Ochocinco, Part Dos: Give him this much. When a woman named Cheryl Tweeted about the recent death of her husband of 30 years, saying she felt "lost," Ochocinco reached out and invited her to his wedding Wednesday.

Her response: "I'm flabbergasted. I love you."

A lineswoman at Wimbledon took a 118-mph serve off her face.

Or what ESPN's Sports Science concludes is half as hard as "The Decision" hit Dan Gilbert.

HighBeam Research tracked the media mentions of Olympic sports over a five-year period in an attempt to measure popularity.

Archery and fencing somehow outdistanced basketball.

So there you have it. A poll apparently covering a five-year period in medieval England.

Little-known Independence Day fact: One signature is missing from the document that went into effect 236 years ago. Jamie Moyer was inexplicably out of the room at the time of the signing.

We have joked about Tim McCarver's sometimes overwrought analysis but he delivers some great lines. Case in point -- when the discussion turned to pitchers using pine tar to grip the baseball this past week, McCarver said of former Pirates right-hander Bob Moose, "If you shook hands with him before November, you took him home with you."

Research "Bob Moose and pine tar" and you come across a game against the Cardinals when Moose was a 20-year-old rookie. The gunk was so thick, the ump sent him to the clubhouse to wash his hands.

Said Cardinals manager Red Schoendist, "He had so much pine tar on his hands his fingers stuck together once . . ."

So much for the split-finger fastball.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell invites Browns linebacker Scott Fujita and the other suspended players to produce evidence clearing them of participation in a bounty program.

Like what? What evidence would they have kept? Their Boy Scout merit badges?

He said it

"He always gave you everything he had." -- former Yankees manager Joe Torre, on Roger Clemens.

Everthing that came naturally to him and more.

You said it

(The Basic Midweek Edition)

"Hey, Bud: When the Browns' rookies were in Canton posing for pictures with the Lombardi Trophy, did they think they were at a Ripley's museum?" -- Bob H., Medina

Only briefly. Reality set in when they later took turns trying on Dwayne Rudd's helmet.

"Bud: Never heard of [the Browns'] Kiante Tripp until his recent arrest for burglary. What other background info can you provide us other than his one tackle in three games? That's about five tackles a season. Tough numbers to replace." -- Bob

Sketchy on his background. But I believe he grew up idolizing Jeremiah Pharms.

"OK, Bud: It's time Cleveland fans really knew what's in your heart. You can only pick one: A championship for a Cleveland team, or a full head of hair." -- Ron

One of those seems ridiculously impossible. The other only involves going to bed as Jason Alexander and waking up as Don King.

"Hey, Bud: I'm watching Major League II when the Tribe signed Jack Parkman. Is that the last time the Indians went out and signed a free-agent hitter?" -- Tom Goodsite, Kirksville, Mo.

"Bud: With the addition of three high zoot restaurants now, do the Browns have plans to add movie theaters and possibly a small casino to keep fans amused during games?" -- Michael Sarro

No, the goal remains to add professional football to the experience.

"Bud: Is Chris Perez's disgust with lackluster Indians hometown fan support a motivator in his current Cy Young-caliber performance, the hope being the award would lead to his trade by next season?" -- Chas K

First-time "You said it" winners receive a T-shirt from the mental_floss collection. Repeat winners are credited with a save.

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