Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I'm at the end of my rope today. I'm starting to lose the plot. Again. Its only a matter of time before I glue feathers to my face and call myself Bernard Longlilly. I was rather 'eccentric' when all this moving palaver started... I am now madder than a Sloth's handbag.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Friday 21st Feb... Well, it's been an odd week. I attempted to build a cheese igloo, using Cheddar at first, but swiftly moved onto Fribourgeois when the original igloo's roof collapsed. I did try to reinforce the roof of said structure, with breadsticks and Twiglets, but alas, there was no saving it. I thought the Fribourgeois would produce something a bit more sturdy, but it too fell at the first hurdle, it's dryness failing it somewhat. Onwards and upwards though! I wont be perturbed. I'll try again once I've researched my cheeses a bit more, and found something more suitable and sturdy for roofing. Twiglets are rubbish.

Then there were my Twitterings, or Tweets, if you like. It all started off normal enough, a few Tweets with family, friends, former inmates [just kidding - maybe], and then, well... it all went a bit odd. Firstly, Stephen Fry started following me. Yes, 'the' Stephen Fry, I kid you not, you can look at my Tweets & my Twitter followers, its all there! Then he sent a message to my dogs. But it gets weirder... I had Phil Jupitus [yes, 'the' Phil Jupitus] talking to me in French and asking if he was being 'too familiar'... the word must have spread that I've been let out, and the Tweets came pouring in.

Soon I was conversing with the incredible StevynColgan [who I chat a little with most mornings now whilst he's on the train, or in some coffee shop], we chatted briefly about 'frotting' and 'froteurs' on Tokyo subways, and the growing number of 'Frots' in the world. I was working on websites, Twittering away, and before I knew it, it was 4am... I sent out a Twitter plea... 'Ok, will somebody please tell me to bugger off to bed'.

Once again the Tweets came pouring in... The Queen, StevynColgan, even the wonderfully talented photographer Sean Johnson joined in and told me ''Bugger off to bed Lise, NOW. SLEEP LISE, SLEEP!''. Bjork - yes, 'the' Bjork is also now following me... I have no clue as to where this will lead. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous.

Its a funny old world. And I thought my cheese igloo was going to be the highlight of my week. Any suggestions for hard but pliable and workable cheese's would be received with my heartfelt thanks.

New Blog Coming Soon... Robert Mugabwe, Ena Sharples, Pole Dancing Donkey's and the Lost Dr. Who episodes...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

So much going on, so much to do... and all I want to do is - everythinggggg! My head is spinning like a crack addled whore in a blender, and I LOVE it. This is my drug of choice... Mania. Ha - haaaaaa! Love it. New blog below. Thanks for taking the time, I really do appreciate it.

'' Prejudice and restraint, hate both! I hate being held down, pinned in, talked at, talked down to, bulllied, feeling inadequate, and being expected not to question things... I was a 'problem' kid, and I've turned into a 'problem' adult. '' - Lise.

'' Am I an anarchist? Hell yes, to a point. I think more people should be. More people should question things, feed their brains, BE something - stop following the crowd and do your own thing, we all know what happens to sheep at the end of their day, and its not nice. Question everything, make trouble, piss people off, make yourself heard, be a pain in the arse. It gets things done, and it stops the 'little people' from being trampled on and forgotten about. Am I a lunatic? ... I'm THE lunatic.'' - Lise.

Whats this?

I have no clue. I have no clue about many things in life... some baffle me, some bore me, but the question 'whats this?' is one that continues to intrigue me, and I still dont know what 'this' is. Confused? Me too.

During those six months, I almost had yet another nervous breakdown. I had chronic insomnia, which plagued me to such a point I almost tore out my own eyeballs, seriously. At one point I found myself in the garden, in the pouring rain, wondering how the hell I'd gotten there. I also had a few weeks where I was so out of it, and in such a weird mental state through lack of sleep, that I ended up hurling banana's and buns at birds in my garden. The only relief I had was howling with the Coyotes. This is telling you the shorter, and much saner version. There is WAY more.

In between all of this, I discovered that after years of being medicated, years of mental breakdowns and years of misdiagnosis, I actually have Asperger's.

I've been up, down, laughed with utter hysteria, cried with total despair, grown my hair, cut it all off, bit my fingernails down to the bone, and carved 'I am an idiot' into my face with a broken teaspoon. Just kidding about the last one. Its been a year of hell and oddness though, and one I don't wish to repeat.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Welcome one and all... to a trip inside the mind of me... Purple-Lotus. Oh, ok, it's just another blog, blog, blog, blah, blah, blah.. and my name isn't Purple Lotus, its Lise. You got me. Let the crap commence.

Iwill be updating this blog regularly, and fiddling about with it 'till it sadly turns its head, and - like an over-used whore, huskily asks 'oh what now?'

''Lise is a million tiny fireworks of stupidity...'' - Cheers for that quote. Really flatten... I mean flattering.

''I have to come to terms with the fact that I am not equipped to eat muffins. Its as simple as that. I dont like it, but there it is.'' - Lise

''I am currently ranting, raving and blogging like a loony and I dont care. Its the privilege of the insane.'' - Lise

''I have occasional bouts of deafness, thanks to Menieres Disease... if only it was accompanied by occasional bouts of shut-uppy-ness too, the world would be a quieter place, and you'd all be much happier I'm sure. Sadly for you, thats not gonna happen.'' - Lise

''A very kind gentleman recently said to me - ''Welcome to the planet, we've been waiting for you'' - I'll admit that its been a long hard struggle to get here, but i think I'm going to like it.'' - Lise

''I'm still getting used to things living in Northern America... its taking me a while... i have NO idea what some things are. What the hell is 'Homo Milk' ????Cos to be honest with you, where I come from... its something COMPLETELY different... and we cant buy it at Safeway.'' - Lise

''I am an over-excited, gibbering wreck of an idiot... some people have started to ask me '' but what are you REALLY like though?'' - well, I'm really like THIS. This is all I am ... imagine if Ozzy Osbourne and Julie Walters had a lovechild? Thats me. Sad isnt it? Just imagine a bumbling, confused idiot with messy hair, tattoo's and a Midlands accent... youre almost there.'' - Lise

"Lise uses this site to spout garbage when she's not having some kind of mental breakdown. We can only hope and pray that someday she gets her act together, pisses off and leaves us all in peace!" - Lise

''The wonderful people at Youniverse describe me as having 'a brilliantly sharp wit', its all a front, I'm really just a gibbering wreck who stumbles from one disaster to the next, finding it rather amusing that I'm actually still alive. But for kind words, I am eternally grateful.'' - Lise

About Me

English living in Canada. Aspergers with a touch of Manic Depression, and a dash of OCD. Tattoo'd. Pierced. I probably think too much, and sleep too little. I've travelled a bit, seen a lot, and ate things you would'nt even give your dog. Want to know more? Ask me :-)
New pics on -
http://purplelotusonline.doodlekit.com/home