Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, judges’ houses

Besides Cheryl’s throw-you-for-a-loop picks I could have predicted 8 of the 9 chosen finalists without even watching this weekend’s episodes at judge’s houses (Blonde Electra, really??!!!). And, due to usual producer editing (joint audition footage = all included acts are goners), I was able to verify my predictions early on.

So see ya, Concept (I hope named after this song?), my favorite contestant this year, the shoe girl who can’t dress herself, unnamed manufactured girl group, three dudes I never got to know who all wore awful pants, terrible group with two brothers, the sister of the dude in Twilight, weirdly intense redhead lady, girl who wanted it so much that it became painfully obvious, and this guy:

Please hire him

Even though he could never be a singer, I got choked up when Stevi Ritchie was sent home. He should be on TV. That moment when he dropped all the luggage in the airport was so classic.

Best abs

Tulisa!

These dudes!

Fleur!

This is such an ab-y season so far. I need to work out even harder. If by “work out even harder” you mean “reach for more glasses of Vinho Verde.”

Worst abs

Sorry, Concept, you didn’t make the show AND you’re pasty British dudes!

Worst appropriation of culture

UGH!

Sinitta always proves herself to be a good partner but even Simon thought she looked ridiculous. Blonde Electra’s very uncomfortable appropriation of hip hop culture is runner up.

Hilarious attempt to make Andreas likeable

He also said he is the male version of Bridget Jones. Awww, fifteen year old cultural touchstones.

Worst finalist (tied)

People are calling Blonde Electra Jedward II, but they are decidedly less cerebral and much less entertaining.

Nice lipstick. And dress.

At least Chloe Jasmine is really pretty.

Least likely boyband member

I don’t know if James Graham is really into being in a boyband but he’s the unnamed band’s best singer so he can’t leave.