Tuesday

Dear Linda Ikeji, You Can't Eat Your Cake and Have It - Lawmaker Advises Popular Blogger on Marriage

Hon Maria Ude Nwachi is an Ebonyi state house of assembly member popularly known as 'Nwanyi Afikpo'.

The woman has recently written a lengthy note addressed to Linda
Ikeji over the recent statements she made about marriage and the kind of
man she would love to marry.

The lawmaker who considers Linda’s statement an affront on humanity, said Linda should know that no condition is permanent.

According to her, Linda can’t have it both ways and must learn to
humble herself if she truly wants to find a man who will marry her.

Below is what she wrote:

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Linda, you cannot have it both ways.

I personally did a lot of damage control for Linda Ikeji when it
was alleged she said; she can buy any man with her money. I sincerely
did not believe she can utter such; as I could not imagine any
reasonable human being saying such. I defended her with all my might. I
Paid Facebook and Google to boost and promote the article I took my time
to create, image-making style, in order to squash that allegation.

Remember, I do not know her in any shape. Never met her. Never
spoken with her. I know her the same way millions do, via the fact that
she is famous blogger. I Just did it from my heart; for I see her as a
role model to women and youths. And I did not want such dent on her
image.

Recently, power-blogger, Linda Ikeji, told an interviewer that she can never marry a poor man. Hear her: "No,
I can’t marry a poor guy and I’m being honest about it. He doesn’t have
to be rich but let him be successful in his own way. When I was 30, my
standards were extremely high. Now, I have only three criteria. He must
be successful. He must be a good man in the sense that he has to be very
supportive of what I do. If he tries to stifle me, I’m out. The third
one, is the one that likes to eat groceries well (laughs)."

On her latest statement, I do not agree with her at all. Firstly; a
rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. And; no condition in
life is ever permanent.

The scariest thing for a man to hear is not even the one of her
saying she can't marry a poor man, it is the one she says that she would
be out if a man tries to stifle her. Then she better just create the
man from scratch. Because there is no man, especially African man, that
will not attempt to stifle his wife every now and then.

That innocuous utterance has already sent strong signals to those
successful men she is seeking that they better go and marry someone that
will not attempt to wear the trouser at home with them; and not her. It
also indicates to those successful men she wants that she will never be
submissive in anyway to them; that she no send and is ready for a
divorce at any given time. She is basically preempting divorce even
before marriage.

The major reason men, especially African men are working hard to be
successful is so they can get that woman they want, that will give them
a peaceful home, and the leeway to be the oga of the house. Why would a
man go through it all to make it only to marry a woman who is going to
become the man of the house with him.

Important: A man is a man, poor or rich. No man with his head in
intact, will be okay for a woman to control him. Even if the woman is
richer than money itself. It will not happen. Even the poorest man on
earth would rather be eating his Indomie in peace than to be controlled
by any woman. This applies even in the civilized world. This not about
pride, this is human nature.

On money: Being rich, poor or broke is not a permanent state of
being. Moreover; money is not the be all and end all of life. Some
people are very rich today not just by hard work but by force of
universe which can also be interpreted as grace. Let us not dismiss
people based on their current condition. Moreover, he only thing
constant in life is change.

Hear Linda, "I keep telling people. It’s not that men are scarce.
They are not scarce. The type of men that some of us are looking for are
scarce. If I want to get married next week, I can. I want a man that I
can look up to. Somebody that inspires me, somebody that will push me,
motivate me; somebody who has had some success in his own career. I’m
inspired by successful people. I can’t wait to meet someone like Tyler
Perry."

Now let us talk about the definition of success. According to her,
she wants to marry a successful man, but the man does not have to be
rich. This is a huge oxymoron (an epigrammatic effect, by which
contradictory terms are used in conjunction). Success is defined as; the
accomplishment of an aim or purpose. And it does not take a genius to
understand that by successful, she means a wealthy man. A man of means.
Going by the example she gives as her kind of man, Tyler Perry, she has
dropped all the hint any one needs to know concerning her idea of a
successful man. Perry is an ultra-rich American actor, comedian,
producer, director, screenwriter, playwright, author, and songwriter.

The problem i see with Linda is that she is often too open about
her feelings. I will advise that in her search for a man that she should
keep some of her criterias private. This is not America, this is not
oyibo land where women can say and do anything with minimal or no
consequence. Emotional intelligence is knowing your environment and
adapting to it; especially when it comes to utterances, actions etc. It
is not everything the heart conceives that must be uttered publicly.

Dear Linda, you can't have it both ways. You can't eat your cake
and have it too. Being a very successful woman in Nigeria, you must be
willing to compromise when it comes to relationships with the opposite
sex. You might not be a girl, due to your high level, a man can tell
what to do or what not to do, but you must not say such out loud, you
must give vibes that you can be told what to do by your man, you must do
your best to show them the utmost respect, the most respect you can
muster to give them. You are going to have to eat humble pies for your
man many a times. And it is okay my darling, it will take nothing away
from you. Let the man to feel he is in control. You must try and do
that. It is not an option, it is necessary.

By your success alone, you have made many men feel a bit less
manly, and so to even rub it in by reading them riot acts to them, is an
overkill. Humility is a natural gift, those who are humble by nature
will remain humble even if they become the richest on earth. But
humility can be learned too, in dealing with the opposite sex you will
need a mighty doze of humility, nnem, learn it if by force biko. Always
remember that a man is a man is man is a man. Respect matter to a man;
no matter his status and class.

Linda, in the end you will have the last laugh, when you are
running around with your cute kids doing one or two things and your
hubby by your side. When you are compromising and eating them humble
pies, think of your family (your own kid/s and man) and it will all be
worth it.

By virtue of you being a very successful woman, African woman for
that matter, no matter who you marry, it is not going to be easy. But if
you do your math properly, do some adjustments and amendments, you
won't have any regrets. Life as we know it is not a bed of roses for
anyone, if you have this, you might not have that, so it's all about
compromise and middle-ground.

You are a very public figure. Your public utterances must be
guided. By virtue of your rag to riches success story; you have become
an involuntary role model to many; including me. You are intelligent but
you need to take a class on emotional intelligence. Be very mindful of
your public statements please. I wish you more success in life. Thank
you.