Only Fools and Horses Cuts – Part 9

Only Fools and Horses Cuts – Part 9

Last week we looked at Mother Nature’s Son and Time on our hands and the lost original soundtracks when released on DVD in the UK.

Today we turn our attention to an episode that has had more chops than a butcher, more slices than a lemon, and more cuts than a useless boxer….

A Royal Flush

A Royal Flush is one of the most edited episode in the series. In all, 18 minute are cut. This episode is unique as it is the only episode that John Sullivan has edited. The cuts were made in 2004, so if you have a VHS copy it won’t be effected. The same goes for the American DVD and the British DVD from the magazine collection. The normal British DVD is known as the “2004 version” and has the many, many, many cuts which are listed below.

The first cut to occur in “A Royal Flush” occurs only two minutes into the episode. In the market place scene, a punter tells Dell “You could of printed them yourself”, Dell then replies with the line “Do me a favour, Pal. Do I look like Rupert Maxwell”. In the original version, this conversation continues, but in the cut version it ends and we see a shot of Vicky instead. This cut has resulted in the following lines being lost:

Del: “God, Some people.”

Punter: “There are two Ms in recommended.”

Del: “That is because they’re printed in Indonesia, aint they?, That’s the Indonesian spelling. They can’t spell that there, can they, you plonker!”

Del then turns away from the Punter and talks to the crowd.

Del: “No, Listen to me, I’m not going to ask you for 42 pounds, 99. I Wouldn’t dream of it. I haven’t come here to stripe you. I’m not even going to ask you for a score. Now listen, if I said, if I said to you, give me a tenner, You’d think you were on a right result, wouldn’t you? But I’m not going to ask you for a tenner.

That’s the Indonesian spelling

But I’m not going to ask you for a tenner

The DVD version then starts here again with the shot of Vicky. Del can be heard in the background saying the line “Before I tell you how much I want….”.

This scene then continues uncut until Del boys line “What do you mean no!”. The DVD is then cut again and Del Boys argument with the punter is cut. The following lines are lost:

Del: “Come on, do me a favour. Look, take it away from me before it hurts. Look, what do you want, jam on it?.”

Punter: “They can’t be top quality, They’re too cheap.”

Del: “What? How can it be too cheap, you plonker?”

Punter: “Here, listen, I’m not a plonker.”

Del: “No? What are you doing then? An impression?”

Come on, do me a favour

I’m not a plonker

The DVD then starts here with a shot of Rodney moving towards Vicky. The punter can be heard in the background saying “I bet we don’t get any guarantees with them”, Del is also heard with his response, “Yes you do get a guarantee with them”. In the original, After this background line another shot is shown of Del and the Punter while Rodney is moving. This is removed from the DVD with the loss of the following line:

Del: “I’ll guarantee that you get a smack in the mooey in a minute, me old cocker, if you don’t move on.”

I’ll guarantee that you get a smack in the mooey

The scene then continues as normal until Del starts to have a conversation with Trigger after he asks to buy a set of the spoons. At the end of this conversation, Del’s last line has been cut from the DVD. After the line “I don’t believe him.” The following line has been cut:

The scene then continues uncut until Dell sees the police. After he sees the police coming in both directions the following has been cut:

Del: “I’m Surrounded, Now I know how General Custer felt.”

Trigger and Dell then start trying to fool the police officer. The line from Trigger “BIG RED BUS” has been removed.

Now I know how General Custer felt

Gone – A Royal Flush Market Scene

The scene then follows the original up until the point when Rodney is getting into Vicky’s car. The DVD has been cut and does not show the car driving away, it is also missing the start of the Sids cafe scene, This results in the following be lost:

Rodney and Vicky then sit down. The following lines have been cut from their conversation:

Vicky: “Is this…the bubble and squeak?”

Rodney: “yeah, yeah that’s the bubble.”

Vicky: “What is it, actually?”

Rodney: “It’s sort of, um… greens and potatoes and then you sort of mix it all up and fry it.”

Vicky: “Mm!, It’s absolutely munchy!”

in the background a man can be heard moaning to sid.

Man in background: “Oi, this machines broke again sid!”

Sid: “If you would not keep tilting the sodding thing it wouldn’t break, would it? Burger, chips and peas!”

In the conversation about art galleries, Vicky’s line “Oh I see” has been cut before the line “How frightfully Albert Square”.

Further into their conversation, Another line is also cut:

Vicky: “The first time I left there was when I was eleven, and that was only to go to Roedean. Then I went to a Swiss finishing school. Mine was a very insular existence.”

Vicky then explains that she made art her life, A single line here has been removed:

“I suppose that’s why I like it around here. It must be the artist in me.”

Dining at the Fatty Thum

How frightfully Albert Square

In the next scene, Rodney is seen reading a book when Del and uncle Albert enter the room. The following lines have been cut:

Del: “I don’t believe it. I don’t believe it. While I’ve been down at the local market getting the tug from the local gendarmerie this dipstick’s been sitting here, reading the book about jetes!”

later in the scene, the following is cut after the line “Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.”

Del: “I think I know what all this is about.”

Uncle Albert’s line “Do me a favour” after the line “They can’t do better than that.” is also removed.

After Rodney’s line “I don’t want to get married” the following has been cut:

Del: “listen to me you dipstick.”

…

Del: “Don’t give me all that Tony Benn cobblers!”

…

Uncle Albert: “What’s on?”

Rodney: “An opera!”

Uncle Albert: “No. I mean, What opera?”

Rodney: “Oh, I don’t know!”

Don’t give me all that Tony Benn cobblers

An opera

Rodney and Vicky are then seen in the car on the way to the Opera. After Rodney’s line “I have, let’s just say contacts.”, A shot of the drivers eyes in the mirror is cut. The following lines are also cut:

It’s not. It’s could’ve, which is a contraction of ‘could have’, or could ‘ave (the natural dropping of the ‘h’ that occurs with a London accent, and indeed many other accents). It just so happens that when you pronounce ‘have’ as ”ave’ as many Londoners do, it sounds virtually the same as ‘of’, hence the common confusion.

I’m watching Gold Channel tonight on the 14th of March and had been shocked to what the Gold Channel has done to the Royal Flush episode. They have edited it to shreds and have ruined the whole successful story. I have never ever seen such disastrous editing as I have tonight, Gold Channel should be ashamed of themselves. It was sickening to the stomach of the decapitated approach to a special show.