Chaos as Government sends in the Army to minimise effect of striking law workers

There was controversy in the country’s law courts yesterday following the deployment of the Army in place of striking barristers. The lawyers walked out in protest at proposals to cut Legal Aid funding by up to 30% but the Government reacted by widening the powers of military justice systems to allow trials to continue. However, the situation is to be reviewed after a series of debatable outcomes. In addition to getting a driving ban for speeding, one defendant was found guilty of ‘having dirty boots in court’ and sentenced to ‘clean the Old Bailey toilets with his own toothbrush’.

In a statement, the Ministry of Justice defended their use of the Army to administer justice and emphasised that the teething problems were being addressed. ‘The storm in Southwark Crown Court when two acting legal representatives of different military rank were on opposing sides at a trial will not happen again’, the statement reads. ‘From now on, all acting barristers will refer to each other as ‘My Learned Friend’ as is customary, instead of ‘Sir’ and ‘You Horrible Little Piece Of Shit’.’