Welcome to the Memorial Branch of Envoy Mortgage, where the assistant makes fun of everyone.

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Will Run for Sticky Notes

I have learned that a half-marathon isn’t the ideal atmosphere to educate someone about the mortgage industry and would you like –

huff –

a free –

gasp –

appraisal?!

With that said, I’d like to give a shout out to the nice bald man who ran up to me at mile five and asked me all about Just the Assistant. I apologize for hyperventilating and nearly throwing up on your running sneakers while explaining to you how well you’d be taken care of by my wonderful mortgage banker bosses.

Hi Nice Bald Man! Hope you finished strong!

Back to you all now. Remember how prideful I told you I am at the end of races? Well, the fact that my knee went out at mile twelve didn’t put a damper on these spirits! I sort of hop/shuffled the last mile, determined not to walk a step. I came in resembling someone who’d been shot in the leg, but someone very proud of being shot in the leg. I managed to throw my hands in the air and give a big “Wooo!” when the announcer called my name. I don’t know if there’s a better feeling in the world than an announcer calling my name. Sigh…

And speaking of the finish line, I’d like to congratulate…

I can’t say.

The sweetest, most humble lady in the Texas met me at the finish line. I practically had to threaten her life in order to get a picture (which wasn’t entirely effective since I was half dead myself by then and she actually begged me not to put the picture on the Internet), and even at that point she claimed she wouldn’t ask for the free appraisal. What? I have no concept of humility. So, uh, congrats to the mystery woman (Ann Corrigan) on the free appraisal that she says she won’t even accept.

And speaking of mortgage related tidbits. My plan this week is to interview my great Boss Chad about ARMs. Did you just get the willies? Did you just think…ARMs…you mean, the Devil?! You got it people. We’re going to get to the bottom of Adjustable Rate Mortgages. I have learned a lot about ARMs lately, and I will pass along all my wisdom. Kidding. I’ll ask Chad to give us the proper scoop. Stay tuned.

And in the meantime, I think I am going to be a better assistant this week. Why? Because they gave out ASSISTANT OFFICE SUPPLIES in the race goody bag. As you can see, I have mixed emotions. On one hand, it’s like giving a housekeeper a fancy dust rag and mop set for Christmas. But on the other hand, I do love post-it notes. Once when James was hiring a new loan officer to add to our team, he put me in charge of ordering a welcome gift. And I bought her a load of post-it notes. I was like, “Trust me, James…Women love post-it notes.”

And though I’d rather have gotten an Anthro gift card in the bag, at least now you can be doubly assured that if you contact me with any mortgage questions (and if you do that I’d question your reasoning skills because I don’t know the first thing about mortgages), all of your pertinent information will be documented properly on my new sticky tab dispenser, enabling me to promptly pass your inquiries straight to my Bosses!