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Alicja 1,751

Alicja 1,751

i do the same thing as Derick, i'll be way too literal to either dodge difficult poorly worded questions or because my hell brain can't understand context. or i get angry that people can't just be upfront with me.

singsingsing 103,265

singsingsing 103,265

i do the same thing as Derick, i'll be way too literal to either dodge difficult poorly worded questions or because my hell brain can't understand context. or i get angry that people can't just be upfront with me.

I think that's different than what Derick's doing, though. Derick's at best being passive aggressive, at worst attempting to gaslight. It sounds like you get frustrated when people are being deliberately vague or manipulative with you (and for good reason, that sucks), or when you're having trouble understanding the context of what they're asking.

But Derick is attempting to spread his hate via a public forum, then responding to clear and direct questions from people (i.e. 'Is your wife allowed to watch that movie?' Or, 'How will your kids be educated?') by being passive aggressive and/or attempting to gaslight, simply because the question makes him angry. He completely understands what it is they're asking, it just wounds his pride and he can't think of a better retort than to insinuate that their question is stupid or incomprehensible.

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Alicja 1,751

Alicja 1,751

I think that's different than what Derick's doing, though. Derick's at best being passive aggressive, at worst attempting to gaslight. It sounds like you get frustrated when people are being deliberately vague or manipulative with you (and for good reason, that sucks), or when you're having trouble understanding the context of what they're asking.

But Derick is attempting to spread his hate via a public forum, then responding to clear and direct questions from people (i.e. 'Is your wife allowed to watch that movie?' Or, 'How will your kids be educated?') by being passive aggressive and/or attempting to gaslight, simply because the question makes him angry. He completely understands what it is they're asking, it just wounds his pride and he can't think of a better retort than to insinuate that their question is stupid or incomprehensible.

exactly, he's feigning ignorance and being passive aggressive! he's just an asshole pretending to be more "modern" or "mainstream" with comments like "duh of course my wife has seen star wars, shes 26" when in reality? he's just... a fundamentalist asshole

singsingsing 103,265

singsingsing 103,265

exactly, he's feigning ignorance and being passive aggressive! he's just an asshole pretending to be more "modern" or "mainstream" with comments like "duh of course my wife has seen star wars, shes 26" when in reality? he's just... a fundamentalist asshole

The thing that really bugs me about that is that it's a perfectly honest and reasonable question. Jill was featured on a reality television show for most of her formative years, one of the major plot lines of which was all the normal things they weren't allowed to do. It was constantly mentioned, played up and celebrated. The viewer was reminded time and time and time again that these young people weren't allowed to dance, wear certain clothing, date, have a private conversation with a member of the opposite sex, watch regular TV, go out unchaperoned, etc.

So for Derick to have a fit when someone asks him whether his wife is allowed to watch Star Wars is ridiculous. Literally the only reason he has any audience whatsoever is because his wife was on this reality show, and he's going to get pissy with people when they have questions based on what they've seen on the show? What the hell does he expect?

All he's proving is that he's far too emotionally immature to handle any of this with any grace or dignity whatsoever. I have no sympathy, because he has a choice. He doesn't have to be a public figure. He doesn't have to spread his vile nonsense on social media. He could choose today to close their accounts, retreat from the public eye, get a real job and quietly live a normal life. But he wants the attention. Yet at the same time it drives him insane that he really is Mr. Jill Duggar. Guess what, Mr. Jill? This is exactly what you signed up for. Suck it up, buttercup.

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Alicja 1,751

Alicja 1,751

The thing that really bugs me about that is that it's a perfectly honest and reasonable question. Jill was featured on a reality television show for most of her formative years, one of the major plot lines of which was all the normal things they weren't allowed to do. It was constantly mentioned, played up and celebrated. The viewer was reminded time and time and time again that these young people weren't allowed to dance, wear certain clothing, date, have a private conversation with a member of the opposite sex, watch regular TV, go out unchaperoned, etc.

So for Derick to have a fit when someone asks him whether his wife is allowed to watch Star Wars is ridiculous. Literally the only reason he has any audience whatsoever is because his wife was on this reality show, and he's going to get pissy with people when they have questions based on what they've seen on the show? What the hell does he expect?

All he's proving is that he's far too emotionally immature to handle any of this with any grace or dignity whatsoever. I have no sympathy, because he has a choice. He doesn't have to be a public figure. He doesn't have to spread his vile nonsense on social media. He could choose today to close their accounts, retreat from the public eye, get a real job and quietly live a normal life. But he wants the attention. Yet at the same time it drives him insane that he really is Mr. Jill Duggar. Guess what, Mr. Jill? This is exactly what you signed up for. Suck it up, buttercup.

i can't respond to this properly because i'm not quite Here mentally but 100% yes.

makes me wonder if he's even seen the show before and just thought "a fundamentalist Christian single woman on reality TV? sounds like my perfect match"

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HarleyQuinn 36,997

HarleyQuinn 36,997

He probably gets defensive because the Duggars have fallen from grace. Had the scandals not been brought to light he'd probably be carrying on business as usual. But because people see the Duggars for who they really are, he gets upset at answering reasonable questions

singsingsing 103,265

singsingsing 103,265

He probably gets defensive because the Duggars have fallen from grace. Had the scandals not been brought to light he'd probably be carrying on business as usual. But because people see the Duggars for who they really are, he gets upset at answering reasonable questions

Great point. I think he still would've been a bit peeved at being known only as Mr. Jill Duggar if the scandals had never come to light, but maybe he wouldn't have been nearly as butthurt about it. Interesting. I think he wanted to ride the Duggars' coattails for all they were worth and now he feels cheated.

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Georgiana 77,113

Georgiana 77,113

The thing that really bugs me about that is that it's a perfectly honest and reasonable question. Jill was featured on a reality television show for most of her formative years, one of the major plot lines of which was all the normal things they weren't allowed to do. It was constantly mentioned, played up and celebrated. The viewer was reminded time and time and time again that these young people weren't allowed to dance, wear certain clothing, date, have a private conversation with a member of the opposite sex, watch regular TV, go out unchaperoned, etc.

So for Derick to have a fit when someone asks him whether his wife is allowed to watch Star Wars is ridiculous. Literally the only reason he has any audience whatsoever is because his wife was on this reality show, and he's going to get pissy with people when they have questions based on what they've seen on the show? What the hell does he expect?

All he's proving is that he's far too emotionally immature to handle any of this with any grace or dignity whatsoever. I have no sympathy, because he has a choice. He doesn't have to be a public figure. He doesn't have to spread his vile nonsense on social media. He could choose today to close their accounts, retreat from the public eye, get a real job and quietly live a normal life. But he wants the attention. Yet at the same time it drives him insane that he really is Mr. Jill Duggar. Guess what, Mr. Jill? This is exactly what you signed up for. Suck it up, buttercup.

Right? Like it was LITERALLY IN THE INTRO TO EVERY EPISODE OF 19 kids. They showed a picture of a TV with a circle and a line through it while one of the older kids (I think it may have even been Jill herself) narrated something like "We aren't allowed to watch TV" or "We have VERY limited access to TV and movies".

This was not a one-off maybe TLC generated plot point. This was a CENTRAL CHARACTERISTIC of how the Duggars chose to present themselves to the world. They had a lot of kids. They homeschooled. They dressed differently. They weren't allowed to watch a lot of TV or movies. They focused on Jesus.

It really shows his immaturity because other fundies have been asked similar questions (e.g. the Bates adult kids), and this is the first rude answer I've seen given to this question. Zach simply acknowledged that his parents made one choice, but he and Whit decided to make a different one in their house. And that's all Derick needed to say: "Jill didn't watch them growing up, but since we've been married, I've been catching her up on the classics!"

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Jellybean 9,495

Jellybean 9,495

I can understand feeling defensive about it - I sometimes feel embarrassed about the huge gaps in my cultural awareness. Husbean and I have been together almost 15 years and he’s still working on helping me catch up!

As @Georgiana said, though, it would be so easy to give a polite response. No, she hasn’t seen it yet, but it’s on our list for the near future. Yes, she’s seen it - we watched the whole series together when we were first married - such a great experience to be there when she saw it for the first time. Politeness is important for everyone, but especially for those in the public eye. It’s so easy to get a reputation for being a dick, and so hard to undo it. That will affect the whole family and follow them around for a long, long, time. If dWreck wants to return to/remain in the public sphere, he should be more careful about how he uses his social media.

CaricatureQualities 4,894

Yes, he went out of his way to get on board the Duggar train. He had to have been drawn to the tv show and public image and generally everything Duggar at some point because it's not like he met Jill at the grocery store and fell in love and then adjusted to her family....that shit happened after the fact...he sought out her family and then adjusted to her.

He had to have known (just like all of the sons-in-law have to know on some level) that he would be more associated with the Duggar name over his own name in the public.

He must have approved of SOTDRT on some level.

He had to know people adults get paid for being featured on reality programming (and that TLC isn't obligated to pay your medical bills).

Etc, etc...

Sigh, I dunno. Mr. Jill Duggar is a turd wrapped in an enigma skewered with a question mark and sprinkled with old piss. He remains baffling while also being totally transparent and easy to figure out.

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lomo6 2,990

lomo6 2,990

I find it strange when people on FJ attribute Derick's antics to his dad dying and his mom getting (and recovering from) cancer at a relatively young age, or Jill having difficult births.

Those are challenging things to go through for sure -- but plenty of people go through the same and worse. Most don't have radical long-term personality shifts because of such events. Whatever made Derick the kind of person who bullies children on social media is more fundamental.

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Jellybean 9,495

Jellybean 9,495

Why do these wonderful phrases always present themselves when we already have a hilarious thread title (thanks @HarleyQuinn) and are ages away from the next thread. I’m making a note of your final paragraph @CaricatureQualities. I may have woken Husbean with my snort-laughing. He’s already gone back to sleep (unless he’s just snort-laughing at something in a very rhythmical way) and it made my night - thank you!

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TatiFish9 2,864

TatiFish9 2,864

@lomo6 everyone responds to trauma differently. Some people lose a parent and have a hard time recovering from such a great loss. So yes, all of this can be enough for a personality shift.

However, we never really knew the man. Perhaps we never will. All we'll know is what they allow us to see, good, bad, indifferent...unless there is a scandal that forces some hidden truth out. Even then, we never know all the details. Could be a shift. Could be the man as he always was.

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Jellybean 9,495

Jellybean 9,495

Trauma can manifest in lots of ways and I appreciate posters here for wanting to give Derick the benefit of the doubt, even when his behaviour is abhorrent. I think everyone has been pretty clear that, regardless of any underlying trauma that may have triggered this behaviour, or made it more difficult for Derick to hide it, he still has to live with the consequences of what he has said. People may be forgiving of one or two clunkers, especially if they were part of an emotionally-charged post, or outburst. If Derick had posted on Twitter after some offensive comment, “I’m really sorry that I said that. I’ve been struggling a lot since my dad died, and sometimes that anger and grief comes out in unhelpful ways. I’m so sorry, and will work, with my therapist, on controlling what I say” or something more Derick (but still an apology), I’m sure that a significant number of his followers would be willing to forgive and forget.

Of course, people don’t usually forget, however much they may want to, when they forgive, and the next offensive or rude or judgemental post gets added on to the previous ones.

One problem with Derick’s posts is that he has been offensive in so many different ways - devaluing people for their race, religion, gender identity, sexuality, politics, etc. He has posted in response to others, which could be triggering for him, and may give him less time to think before posting, but he has also posted on his own, with no time pressure. He has been called out for his ugly posts innumerable times, and his usual response is to double down on his offensiveness.

I think it’s fair to consider the things that may have contributed to Derick ramping up the ugly social media posts, but I think we have to accept that he has the autonomy and free will to choose to write what he wants. He is an adult with a decent education, and must live with the consequences of such choices.

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Hashtag Blessed 11,120

Hashtag Blessed 11,120

He had to have known (just like all of the sons-in-law have to know on some level) that he would be more associated with the Duggar name over his own name in the public.

Oh, I bet he had all sorts of fantasies about joining the show and being immediately recognized as a star. He probably thought having his love story with a Duggar daughter broadcast for the world to see would make everyone see him as prince charming. Then he'd dazzle everyone with his charm, intelligence, and godliness. Then, naturally, he'd have his career as a missionary made in the shade. All the newly minted Derick Dillard fans would crowdfund his mission-cations for the rest of his life. Derick Dillard would be as big of a household name as Joel Osteen! He'd have an obedient wife to fawn over him, a pack of quiet, well-behaved children to prove his virility, and he'd never have to work again. All his dreams were supposed to come true!

Except he's not half as charming or intelligent as he thinks he is. No one wants to donate to his missions anymore and his wife has twice as many followers on Instagram. How emasculating.

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CaricatureQualities 4,894

CaricatureQualities 4,894

Oh, I bet he had all sorts of fantasies about joining the show and being immediately recognized as a star. He probably thought having his love story with a Duggar daughter broadcast for the world to see would make everyone see him as prince charming. Then he'd dazzle everyone with his charm, intelligence, and godliness. Then, naturally, he'd have his career as a missionary made in the shade. All the newly minted Derick Dillard fans would crowdfund his mission-cations for the rest of his life. Derick Dillard would be as big of a household name as Joel Osteen! He'd have an obedient wife to fawn over him, a pack of quiet, well-behaved children to prove his virility, and he'd never have to work again. All his dreams were supposed to come true!

Except he's not half as charming or intelligent as he thinks he is. No one wants to donate to his missions anymore and his wife has twice as many followers on Instagram. How emasculating.

That was magical. Half-way through your post I started envisioning our Big D running through a meadow of clouds with cherubic cartoon unicorns farting rainbows all over him...also completely tame velociraptors were there running about also farting rainbows..he was running gleefully over rainbow-fart bridges with them at high speed. It was truly a dream...

And then a fearsome ogre called "The Librelle Ah!-Jenda" ate his fucking legs off and evaporated all the unicorns and dinosaurs and the rainbows and all he was left with was farts.

P.S. I think I should write and illustrate this as a children's book for Sam and Iz parody of those Tuttle Twins books. What colour should The Librelle Ah!Jenda monster be?

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Jinder Roles 9,990

Jinder Roles 9,990

I don't really think Derick has been significantly "triggered" by anything. This is how he is, more or less, at this point in his life. He's also invested in his ministry and needs the internet/social media to promote and update it.

His personality and combative nature online makes him especially disliked. But, if Jeremy or Jinger or any number of Duggar ilk were to discuss their beliefs on the issues Derick is preoccupied about, they'd probably have similar reasonings/beliefs.

The main difference is his personality and often tone-deaf and passive-agressive-egressive execution.

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feministxtian 38,242

feministxtian 38,242

Trauma can manifest in lots of ways and I appreciate posters here for wanting to give Derick the benefit of the doubt, even when his behaviour is abhorrent.

Ya know, I don't give a damn that his father died, his mother got sick, his wife had 2 traumatic births (which were her own fucking fault for not having proper medical care). That's NO excuse for his behavior AT ALL. He needs a nice swift kick in the ass and told to get the fuck over himself and come back to reality...you know, get a fucking job, support your fucking family.

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EmmieJ 18,729

EmmieJ 18,729

I find it strange when people on FJ attribute Derick's antics to his dad dying and his mom getting (and recovering from) cancer at a relatively young age, or Jill having difficult births.

Those are challenging things to go through for sure -- but plenty of people go through the same and worse. Most don't have radical long-term personality shifts because of such events. Whatever made Derick the kind of person who bullies children on social media is more fundamental.

Thank you! I worked many years for a man who lost his father when he was a junior in high school. It did affect him and he was very frugal because they struggled financially until his mom went back to college and got her degree. He had great respect for his mom and women in general. He didn't turn into a massive manboy jerk.

My niece and nephew lost their dad too, and they have and will always miss their dad, but so far, they don't seem to be turning into jerks either.

Maybe Derick's parents were jerks and that's where he learned that behavior.

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Joyfully_Unavailable 1,948

Joyfully_Unavailable 1,948

I really don’t think Derick considered what happens when you become a public figure while he was courting Jill. Wasn’t he in Nepal in the very beginning? He missed the tabloid headlines, paparazzi, getting recognized at the grocery store...all of which only got more intense once the Josh scandal broke. I think being able to run away to Central America allowed him to clear his head a little but being thrust back into the spotlight was just too much. He seems like the type who read every single comment about him and Jill on social media and started to fray when he realized how many people criticized him. Now he’s just automatically on the defensive because he’s obsessed with the attention while simultaneously unable to brush off anyone with a negative opinion of him. He doesn’t see himself that way so how dare anyone else? With what Derick has gone through in life, would he have been this hateful, tantrum-throwing man child if he weren’t in the public eye? I can’t say for certain.

Also, let’s keep in mind who his support group is: his mom and Jill. I don’t know Cathy but I get the feeling she and Derick are similar in their coping abilities and how they handle criticism. Then you have Jill, who was literally only taught how to smile and say nice things about her husband. Did Michelle and JB teach her how to communicate effectively with her husband? Problem solve to find a solution to an issue they’re having? Teach her how to set emotional boundaries? I don’t think so. I’m not going to make excuses for Derick because he thinks he’s grown enough to attack people. But I really do think it goes beyond the trauma and has everything to do with the combination of CULTure, fame, and ego.

We saw a woman on the corner of a busy intersection this evening with a brown cardboard sign that said "Please Repent" on one side and "Jesus Christ Saves" on the other. We're trying to figure out what makes you to decide to spend Friday evening waving a sloppy Jesus sign at an intersection. We've got nothing.

42 hours to go until I meet Kiki for the second (which feels like first) time. Got some small toys ready for her (we don't want her to use big sisters toys) and we are also kinda ready for guests. My Mum made sure to also clean the hidden spots under our bench in the kitchen. Kiki fits under there and we don't want her to come out covered in dust and dog hair. 😅 Our breeder wrote us that the "gang" enjoys the warm weather and they are in hunting mode, catching may beetles. Wish us luck and that there is a good connection between her and me so that I can make the final decision.

It never rains, but it pours. Went to the orthopedic doc today about my ankle and got the lovely news that I have some seriously torn ligaments...like maybe surgical repair torn. This is some serious bullshit.

My young neighbor died unexpectedly last fall, and his family has recently put his house up for sale. They are trying to sell the house themselves, but it's not listed on any of the sites that people trying to sell their homes themselves generally use, so....
I told Mr. Cartmann99 to pass the word along to coworkers he knows are looking for houses, as it would be nice to have someone that he could catch a ride to campus with when our car is in the shop and vice versa.