John McClane takes on the evil Apple empire

Bruce Willis, who plays tough cop John McClane, who always ends up fighting terrorists when ever he goes to an airport, is preparing to take on the fight of his life.

This time the plot involves an evil religious cult which flogs overpriced toys to children. The outfit, named after a fruit, also charges an arm a leg for music. However if a person dies, the evil cult steps in and claims they never owned the music and steals it back.

McClane, er Willis, takes on the cult and suddenly finds himself stalked by fanboys who stand outside his house and play Coldplay fairly quietly on their iPods. Apparently Willis is preparing to take Apple to court over who owns his huge digital music collection after a terrorist actually gets lucky.

Willis 57, having cursed his kids with names which are sure to see them bullied in school, wants to leave his music to his daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallulah. However the evil Apple cult's terms and conditions, customers essentially only 'borrow' tracks rather than owning them outright. Any music library amassed like that would be worthless when the owner dies.

Willis has asked advisers to set up a trust that holds his downloads, which reportedly include classics from the Beatles to Led Zeppelin, to get around this rule. Chris Walton, an estate specialist at Irwin Mitchell, told a newspaper: “Lots of people will be surprised on learning all those tracks and books they have bought over the years don’t actually belong to them.

“It’s only natural you would want to pass them on to a loved one.”

But not to the evil Apple cult, of course. We just hope this story ends with lots of explosions and smug people in expensive suits falling to their death from office towers.