Clip 'n Save: Lindsay Lohan, Repeat Offender

By
Liz Kelly

Update: A judge this morning threw out the warrant after Lohan's counsel reportedly produced evidence of compliance. We stand by our advice, though -- Lilo may have won this battle, but the war is starting to look like a prolonged occupation. -- 12:29 p.m. ET

Lindsay Lohan is facing an arrest warrant for violating the terms of her probation for a 2007 DUI conviction. No official word, but rumor has it the violations include breaching driving restrictions by driving to Las Vegas and missing court-ordered alcohol education classes. Lohan reportedly blames the paparazzi for the latter.

Sometime Celebritology contributor Lisa Todorovich and I are shaking our heads and wondering how it is we failed so badly back in 2006. Lohan was the subject of our very first Clip 'n Save, back in October 2006 and, far from heeding our advice and becoming the Clip 'n Save poster child, she's only gotten worse.

So, back to the drawing board. We've redoubled our efforts. No more gentle prodding. Time for a little tough love. And remember, we snark because we care.

1. First, and most immediately, breaking a window at your girlfriend's house isn't an ideal move within 24 hours of an arrest warrant being issued in your name.

2. Your career isn't exactly gangbusters at this point -- ("Samantha Ronson's sidekick" doesn't really scream A-List), but surely you could have afforded to hire a driver to cart you to Las Vegas. Actually, just hire a driver period.

3. Blaming the paparazzi for missing your alcohol ed classes is like blaming Dr. Ruth for missing your period. No one's buying it, so try taking a little responsibility for your own actions.

5. The top of our list of acceptable people from whom to seek Hollywood wisdom and been there, done that advice: Drew Barrymore and Robert Downey Jr. They both paid their dues and came back from the brink. Please note that Jack Nicholson is not among our recommendations.

6. Also, in 2006, when we said "Tara Reid is not a role model," that should have been a hint to stay out of the leggings and self tanner business.

7. Let's put aside for a second the search for a role model for you. You are a role model. If it's possible to step out of your self-indulgence for just a second, think of the message you're sending, right within your own family.

8. If all else fails (let's assume it has), find a therapist. And we don't mean Dr. Phil. At the rate you're going, maybe Dr. Drew.

9. Surely there is some kind of important lesson to be learned if the only magazine spreads you can get these days involve impersonating otherbigger stars.

10. Twitter is not for you. Ditto MySpace, Facebook and any other Web- or crackberry-based application that gives you access to self-publishing.

12. Finally: This is boring. Way more boring than "Georgia Rule." Put on some clothes (and some weight), go to college, and do something that's worth paying attention to. People who've burned out rather than faded away make all of us sad -- and then we move on with our lives.

One in an occasional series of how-to articles written with armchair celebrity adviser Lisa Todorovich.

i think we have to ask ourselves 'are stories like this worth going into every time they happen'? EG - at some point in time stories of a bruised and battered Rhianna who's been beaten by Chris for the 43rd time should be replaced in the celebritology news cycle - even if that means we're discussing Chris Kattan. The decidedly un-disney LiLo and B*t&h is a sequel of a sequel - someone send it straight to DVD and let the rest of us off - we have Jimmy Fallon to exanguinate.