Government report into student drinking concedes it does seem ‘pretty fucking classic’

The report featured swathes of data concerning the dangers of alcohol, but admits they're likely to all be worth it.

A Public Health England investigation into students’ alcohol consumption has acknowledged that, despite it being “the greatest social and health challenge facing this generation” it is still “ultimately, pretty fucking classic”.

The 40 page dossier was leaked to The Guardian Thursday evening, and offers masses of data on the dangers of booze for young people, particularly those at university.

“Physical health is harmed every time students and young people drink. Those having more than 14 units per week and anyone under 20 are most susceptible to longterm liver damage, heart disease and stomach ulcers – amongst a plethora of other risks”, the report notes.

“Furthermore, there is a growing body of evidence to suggest that excessive alcohol use can have a hugely damaging continued affect on mental health.” It continues, “Some experts have started arguing those who suffer from depression or anxiety should avoid drinking altogether.

“Despite this, there is still absolutely no doubt that student drinking seems like unbelievably good craic. Honestly, have you seen how much some students go out? It’s genuinely like 4 or 5 nights a week – plus sports socials. That’s absolutely loads.

“With this all in mind, and weighing up the various costs and benefits of student drinking culture, there is no doubt that it is ultimately pretty fucking classic, a really great laugh a lot of the time, and so almost certainly worth it”, it eventually concludes.