The Black Sheep

Booze Review: Hennessey Cognac

Look, sometimes you’ve got to ball out and treat yo self when it comes to alcohol. And for $35 and some change, you can be a real baller and get some Hennessey Cognac. But take heed, because when the Henny comes out, shit gets real.

Grade: A+

Smells Like:

Like you just won the lottery and you can quit your shitty job.

Tastes Like:

You’re overpaying for this crap, but it’s a status symbol so keep chugging.

Typical Drinkers:

– Every SoundCloud rapper, ever

– People trying to piss off their ex-girlfriend at the club.

– College students who are extremely irresponsible with their money.

– Frat bros who try to pick fights with literally anyone with a pulse.

User Comments:

– “I’m lost in the sauce. Too much sauce. Pour another shot, though.”

– “Yoooo peep my SoundCloud. I’ve got some straight fire, bro.”

– “How viable of a career option is it to be a hype man for a rapper?”

– “I have no clue what cognac is but I feel like I’ve climbed up a few rungs of the social ladder just for sipping on it.”

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:

Anything those lesser-than-I are sipping on.

Why Is Hennessey The Drink Of Choice For Most Rappers?:

It’s basically steroids for spitting bars, and with all the great rap music that’s come out in the past couple of years, we’re totally ok with it.

Did This Stuff Actually Come From France?:

Unfortunately yes, but like with everything, America does it better.

What Even Is Cognac?:

No one really knows for sure, but a quick Google search shows that it’s a variety of brandy originating from a town named Cognac. We’re just hoping to find the town of Four Loko.