Month: September 2014

Divorce and cohabitation – what could they have in common? And how could anyone reduce the reasons for such complex things as divorce and cohabitation to just two sources? The answers are simpler than you think, and statistically they are staring you the face.

Look up any government or private surveys or stats on marriage, and while there may be many differences, they all agree that divorces rates are high, and so are cohabitation rates.

Divorces rates reached their peak in the 1980’s, and then declined a bit after that but they still hover around 50%. The dirty little secret is, the only reason divorce rates in the United States stabilized around 50% is because since the 1980’s cohabitation in the United States has dramatically increased.

“Three of four women in the U.S. have lived with a partner without being married by the age of 30, an increasing trend that suggests cohabitation is now a regular part of family life in the U.S., researchers said.”

“The United States currently is witnessing a dramatic rise in the percentage of couples whose first union is not a marriage but cohabitation, a new federal government report confirms…

The report shows that while cohabiting couples often marry at some point, cohabitations frequently dissolve within five years or much less time. “Cohabitations typically are short-lived,” the report observes, though it stresses that cohabitations last somewhat longer now than 10 years ago.”

The reasons typically stated for high divorce and cohabitation in the United States

Many articles online and elsewhere will try and give various reasons for high divorce rates and high cohabitation rates. Often times high cohabitation rates are attributed to more economical reasons. Couples simple cannot afford to marry, or least no marriage before the age of 30.

Adultery and abuse account for only 10 to 20% of the reasons for divorce, while 80 to 90 percent of divorces today are for other reasons. Most divorces occur because of couples fighting over money or career issues, how to raise children, lack of intimacy and not spending time together.

The real 2 reasons for high cohabitation and divorce rates in the United States

The first reason that couples in the United States are increasing living together out of marriage, or married couples are divorcing at higher rates is because of one word – CHOICE.

I love freedom. Our American forefathers loved freedom. But the freedom they originally gave our new nation, enshrined in our original Constitution and Bill of Rights, was a limited freedom. It was difficult to divorce, and it was practically impossible to cohabitate in America as it was founded.

I love the freedom with which America was originally founded, not the perverted freedom (anarchy) that we have today.

Yes people still fornicated, as they always have since the beginning of mankind. But it was considered a shame, and it was kept secret, and the consequences could be dire to both parties if discovered.

It was rare for men to divorce their wives, and most women were never able to leave their husbands because of property laws and the fact if a woman divorced her husband, she would leave her children and everything behind.

CHOICE – People had no choice but to marry, and stay married, up until the mid-19th century with the rise of Feminism which then gave birth to the sexual revolution of the 1960’s.

The second reason we have such high divorce and cohabitation rates in the United States is actually the source for the first reason, the SECULARIZATION of our culture. We have given people the choice to cohabitate and divorce because we have left what used to form the basis for our moral values, and that was the Bible. Since we have no moral foundation, anything goes.

The nation of Israel in the Bible went through times like we see today when “Every man did that which was right in his own eyes.” Judges 21:25(KJV)

Our founding fathers fought for religious liberty, not for removal of all religious influence on society.

“To the kindly influence of Christianity we owe that degree of civil freedom, and political and social happiness which mankind now enjoys. . . . Whenever the pillars of Christianity shall be overthrown, our present republican forms of government, and all blessings which flow from them, must fall with them.”

(Source: Jedidiah Morse, A Sermon, Exhibiting the Present Dangers and Consequent Duties of the Citizens of the United States of America (Hartford: Hudson and Goodwin, 1799), p. 9.)

It is no coincidence that as church attendance has declined in this country over the last century that divorce and cohabitation have spiked. We give people a choice to cohabitate and divorce because we have no moral center anymore – we can do whatever we want.

A man can go and impregnate as many women outside of marriage as he so chooses, as long as he pays the child support. Or if he is smart and uses a condom, he can sleep around with as many women as he wants with no worries, and no judgment from our society.

Women routinely place their education, careers and hobbies above the most important functions for which they were designed – being a wives and mothers. Because of modern birth control, women can freely sleep with as many men as they want as they pursue money and pleasure.

Conclusion

People are not cohabiting together because of economic reasons – the real reason is because we as a society have given people the CHOICE to live together outside of marriage.

Couples are not divorcing because of lack of intimacy, lack of romance, or disagreements over raising children or careers, the real reason people are divorcing is because we have given them a CHOICE to divorce for ANY reason(there are Biblical reasons for divorce, but they are few).

The reason we give people a CHOICE today to cohabitate and easily divorce is because we have allowed our nation to become SECULARIZED, we have pushed God completely out of our cultural and legislative institutions, and in our churches Pastors have so watered down the Word of God (because of fear of offending people or bucking cultural changes) that people no longer know right from wrong.

What can we do about this?

There is no question today that there has been a culture war going on within the United States for well over 100 years. There has been a war over what “freedom” means. Some choices that we used to have, that our nation was originally founded with, have been take away. Other choices that our founders never intended for us to have, and would have been considered immoral, have been granted and given the full protection of our local, state and Federal governments.

Some have fought for an idea of freedom that protects behavior that previous generations would have never have allowed. These same groups that have fought for these new found freedoms to commit immoral behavior, have in turn fought to restrict the freedoms that our for fathers originally fought for, especially in being able to publically call out immoral behavior exactly for what it is.

As individuals, it may seem that there is little we can do to change our culture back to the Godly culture it once was. What we can do is take responsibility for ourselves and our families. Men need to take a stand and teach their wives and children’s God’s Word. Then as we take back our families and marriages for Christ, we can then turn to taking back our Churches and encouraging our Pastors to preach the whole counsel of God, not just what they think will be politically correct.

Once our Churches and church leaders have been emboldened to stand for God, we can then begin taking back our neighborhoods, towns and eventually our State and Federal Government for Christ.

We used to have a government and culture that believed in freedom, but it was a freedom that was limited within the boundaries of a Biblical Christian worldview.

CHOICE is both the problem WITH and solution TO America’s cultural decline. We have to choose to follow a Biblical world view, no matter how socially or politically incorrect it may be. We need to influence our culture to remove the CHOICE to commit immoral behavior. But in order to do that, we need to agree on what immoral behavior is, and the only we can do that is by returning to a Biblical foundation as our standard for moral or immoral behavior.

Charles Barkley was exactly right in defending Adrian Peterson’s corporal punishment of his son with a switch from a tree. Many a child for thousands of years had their fathers beat them with switches or rods to instill discipline in them, and yes sometimes those beating left bruises and marks.

We are living in a sissified society, a society that has been so feminized and so softened that we call evil what God has commanded in his word:

“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.“

Proverbs 23:13 (KJV)

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.“

Proverbs 22:15 (KJV)

This is an excerpt from the CBS pregame show NFL Today as reported in here

Jim Rome: “Can you hit a child?”

Charles Barkley: “I’m from the south. I understand Boomer’s (Esiason) rage and anger. He’s a white guy and I’m a black guy. I don’t know where he’s from, I’m from the South. Whipping — we do that all the time. Every black parent in the south is going to be in jail under those circumstances. We have to be careful letting people dictate how –“

Jim Rome: “It doesn’t matter where you’re from: Right is right and wrong is wrong.”

Charles Barkley: “I don’t believe that because, listen, we spank kids in the south. I think the question about did Adrian Peterson go overboard — Listen, Jim, we all grow up in different environments. Every black parent in my neighborhood in the South would be in trouble or in jail under those circumstances.”

Jim Rome: “My thing is: I don’t want to tell anybody how to raise their kids and I really don’t want anybody telling me how to raise my kids. But let’s make a distinction between ‘child rearing’ and ‘child abuse.’ That was child abuse. There’s no fine line here.”

Charles Barkley: “Yes, I’ve gotten beat with switches — and I don’t even like the term. When the media talks about it, ‘beating a child’–“

I have something to say to you Mr Rome – yes “Right is right and wrong is wrong”.

But you know who determines what is right and what is wrong – it is God!

Yes Charles Barkley was appealing to his being brought up in the south, but guess where those southerners(and us northerners too) got the idea to whip their kids with switches? The Bible, God’s Holy Word.

Am I denying that child abuse exists?

No way – I have seen it with my own eyes. But there is some real disagreement in this country as to what constitutes child abuse and what is stern discipline by a parent.

Yes there are kids who are sexually abused and physically abused by their parents. Parents who leave their children to starve for days and weeks, and lock them in closets and dark basements. Parents who are not disciplining their child, but instead using them as punching bag anytime they feel angry or upset. So yes there is such as thing as abuse, I am not denying that.

However- if a parent gives a good whipping, with a paddle, a switch or belt to their child’s backside in an effort to discipline them and they happen to leave bruises or cuts that IS NOT ABUSE! That is discipline.

What about me and my kids?

I never used switches or paddles on my kids, most of the time I used only my hand on their rear end. But occasionally when they acted extremely rebellious I did get my belt out. I whipped them because I loved them, because a father if he loves his children he disciplines them.

“He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.“

Proverbs 13:24(NASB)

Conclusion

I am not saying Adrian Peterson or Charles Barkley are saints. But this discussion goes beyond the character of these two men. If more men were diligently spanking their young boys and instilling respect for authority and others we would not have near the problems we have today, especially with the lack of respect and horrible attitudes we see amongst young people today.

This also raises another issue – the erosion of parental rights in America. We Americans who believe in the sanctity of the home, and of parents to raise their children as they see fit should all be up in arms about this. Whether you agree with spanking, or using paddles and switches or not – this is a much more important principle than that. We cannot have the state going into people’s homes and calling them criminals for trying to discipline their children.