Trudeau to retract “heart hands” previously issued to Saudi Prince

OTTAWA — In the wake of the American CIA confirmations of evidence surrounding allegations the historically murderous Saudi royal family murdered an only slightly less questionable former Saudi resident Jamal Ahmad Khashoggi, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has decided to revoke his previously issued “heart hands” to Saudi Prince Mohammad Bin Salman.

As previously reported by Newsquips, “heart hands” — which are a symbolic display of “love, not hate” made possible by the forming of hands into the shape of a heart as done by countless teen-age and pre-teen girls on Instagram — has become the new official symbol of Trudeau’s Canada. “Heart hands are a way to show the world that Canada cares about feminism and the LGBT+ community?” a Liberal Party spokeswoman told or asked Newsquips.

Long mocked by mature and normal grownups the world over, “heart hands” have nonetheless been embraced by Canada’s liberals. Upon election in 2015, when asked about the Saudi Prince and all his oil, Trudeau reflexively issued forth his “heart hands.” A spokeswoman in the foreign affairs ministry has been reported as saying that Trudeau will now issue “a rather stern frowny face” instead. Aids are reportedly still working behind the scene in multiple committees developing the official face, which Newsquips has learned may in fact include an extended tongue.

Asked by Newsquips if any other action against the Saudis from the Canadian government is forthcoming, several Trudeau spokeswomen said only that it depends on exactly what the columnists at the Globe and Mail insinuate in the coming days. “We still heart our CBC but the G&M offers like just as much support and they don’t cost us 1.5 billion per year?!” said one Liberal spokeswoman in the form of a question.

She went on, “We’re also watching the ‘Trump’ situation to see if CNN likes his actions or ridicules him and calls him a Nazi ‘n stuff for like 14 days, in which case we will decide if we can make a further decision on like thinking about a plan of action for decisive action or like non-action, plus charge him for climate change, because there is a price for pollution?”