Sex Appeal Lessons for Non-Sexy Klutzes Like Me

Some women just ooze natural sexiness. They don’t even have to do or say anything. It wafts from their pores like a come hither fragrance and glows around them like an alluring light. There are the widely agreed upon, rarely disputed babes, like Halle Berry, Charlize Theron, Rihanna, and of course, the pouty-mouthed models that strut the runway and push consumer products.

But there are also the everyday sexpots at Starbucks, sitting with their legs dangling delicately crossed and sipping seductively on their mocha frappuccinos. They strut in four-inch stilettos on the train and sashay into happy hours looking like they’re just starting their day rather than wrapping it up.

And then there’s me. The non-sexy klutz. I’m about as sexy as a slab of meatloaf, and up until recently, I’ve been OK with that. But lately, I’m wondering: Can you learn how to be sexy or is it just something that comes naturally?

A quick survey of my trusty Facebook friends gave me a few things that any woman — a bona fide femme fatale or an inconspicuous goofball like yours truly — can do to smolder with sex appeal.

“Smile,” offers my college roommate, whose advice is golden since she never suffers from man drought or a shortage of doting boos. My cousin says intelligence is sexy because nothing is worse than a beautiful woman with a dumb mouth. (Can’t the words alone make you see the family resemblance?) Wit and a sense of humor were mentioned, too. And another friend says confidence is key.

I’ve definitely heard that before. But in my mind, one doesn’t have a whole heck of a lot to do with the other. Naturally, not many men are going to be attracted to a woman who hangs her chin into her collarbone and shuffles around like the poster child for poor self-esteem. Still, just because I’m confident in some areas doesn’t make that spill over into full-blown sexiness.

I’m confident I have fabulous style. I’m confident I can bake the slammin’-est cornbread you ever wrapped your lips around. (And so what if I am making up words. My blog post, my vocab.) I’m confident that I can chat up just about anybody, from celebrity interviewees to the homeless man who hits on me during my daily walk to the subway station (well, at least he thinks I’m sexy!). But confident enough to own the streets when I walk down them and hear the voice of Right Said Fred droning in the back of my mind? That’s a bit much.

Still, it seems the consensus is that you can in fact make yourself sexy, even if you’re not a vision of jaw-dropping beauty. Bonus, though, if you are. My guess is that it’s all in the way you feel about yourself that makes the sensuality come alive in your walk, talk, and demeanor. And that’s been my eternal struggle, if I’m being completely honest (and trust that I always am). I’m not sure where my sexy is or how I’m going to manufacture it, but I do know how to fake it ‘til I find it. And stilettos, my friends, definitely help.

Do you think you can learn how to be sexy or is it something that just comes naturally? Do you consider yourself sexy?