“My toilet’s overflowing, what do I do?” Unless your toilet is overflowing because a burglar used it and clogged it and he’s still tormenting you, household problems do not warrant 911 calls.

“I ordered chicken nuggets and they don’t have chicken nuggets.” Chicken nuggets are bad for you, anyway. Order a salad (but not the Cobb) and consider yourself (and your heart) lucky.

“I wanted the sausage, and he gave me the burrito! She’s trying to force me to eat something off the menu that I don’t want!” No, this was not a call from a 2-year-old, no matter how it may sound.

“I took um two um Viagra uh pills um, and my erection has been up for like four days.” (This one comes complete with a YouTube video) Four hours, four days. What’s the difference? The commercial did warn you.

“I’m locked inside my car… It’s getting hot in here, and I’m not feeling well.” (This gem is also from Florida). If this was an August afternoon and the locks were truly broken, then OK. But, um, 911? Hasn’t she heard of opening windows?

“Have you seen my parrot?” You don’t even call 911 to report a missing person (unless you witness them being kidnapped) — that’s what the direct line to the police is for — so you certainly don’t call about a bird who’s flown the coop.