Saturday Night Live: Simply having a wonderful Christmastime? I guess?

Apologies for posting this so terribly late. Not only was I traveling this weekend and unable to even watch this week’s Saturday Night Live until late yesterday afternoon, my DVR also had a complete tantrum in my absence and had to be completely replaced, taking Saturday Night Live along with it. This left me with one option: to watch the episode online, which, as those of you who do this regularly might know, leaves much to be desired.

For instance, no monologue! What’s that about, Saturday Night Live? I understand, the majority of the monologue was a spoof of “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” but I mean, if Staples can afford to shell out a little cash for the rights to use it in their commercials, can’t you splurge a little? It’s the monologue for crying out loud! Tina Fey and Tom Hanks and Kristin Wiig were all in it! Not to mention that it’s very jarring to go from the children’s choir singing a heartbreaking rendition of “Silent Night” in tribute to the victims in Newtown, CT to Martin Short making Katherine Middleton vagina jokes. Also, I only just now figured out that I missed entirely an appearance by Alec Baldwin in a Tony Bennett Show sketch that I understand was very funny. It is absolutely nowhere to be found online. You’re killing me here, SNL! You too, copyright laws! I shake my fist at both of you!

All of this is a long way of saying that I am late in this post, because I was late to watch the episode online, and I missed a bunch of it and I am sorry and I understand that all of this material below is now as old as the episode’s host and musical guest. (ZING! I GOT YOU, MARTIN SHORT AND PAUL MCCARTNEY! YOU’RE OLD!)

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As noted, the evening began appropriately, if heart-breakingly, with the New York City Children’s Choir singing “Silent Night” in honor of the victims of the terrible events in Connecticut. It’s always hard for a comedy show or comedians to strike the correct tone after a horrific event without coming across as being insensitive. This performance at the beginning of the episode was lovely and moving and I’ll never hear the line, “sleep in heavenly peace” the same way again.

As for that royal vagina bit, it was fine. But it was not nearly as dangerous and funny as the writers and actors seem to think it was. In fact, I thought the use of the word “vagina” was much more cleverly used in the opening monologue, in an ol’ switcheroo. Sometimes less is more, especially when tittering at an ostensibly naughty word like a bunch of 12-year-olds who have discovered that because it is technically an anatomically correct term, they can, sort of, kind of get away with it.

I was going to complain that the, “You’re a Rat Bastard Charlie Brown” bit was yet another “hey, let’s jam this sketch with as many impersonations as we can and call it a day” bit. However, this one worked for a couple of reasons: it had a theme to carry it (what if a bunch of angry or otherwise misanthropic actors portrayed these beloved children’s cartoon characters?) and the impersonations made sense within that context (Except for Fran Drescher. Unnecessary Fran Drescher was unnecessary); and Martin Short’s impersonation of Larry David was startlingly on point. So good! Who knew!

“Holiday Pageant,” in which Martin Short portrayed a high-strung auditioner accompanied by the brow-beaten Paul McCartney was far funnier than it had any right to be. However, I’m deducting points, as it led into the Worst Christmas Song of All Time, “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime.” Ugh. No. Never sing this song again, Paul McCartney.

“What’s Up With That?” was notable thanks to Samuel Jackson’s unscripted (and somewhat disputed) outburst towards the end of the sketch. He claims he only said “FUH,” but NBC chose to mute it out to be on the safe side, so we can’t even judge for ourselves. WELL, FUH.

The Very Worst Sketch of the Night, ladies and gentlemen, belonged to “Old Friends.” Why? WHY? WHY!!!

(Note to the writers: Never ever ever EVER use a narrator to explain what we are about to watch. I don’t know if that was Martin Short’s idea or what, but next time someone suggests anything of the sort, how about you just say, “A narrator? We’d never have thought of that!” and then at the last minute have Kenan Thompson just not go out. Or, better yet, don’t do the dumb sketch.)

“Malibu High” was the dress rehearsal sketch that they decided not to use in favor of “Old Friends,” despite a guest appearance by the wonderful Patricia Clarkson. I’m onto you, SNL. Now that Andy Samberg has taken his Lonely Island Digital Shorts and gone home, you’re trying to make these “discarded” dress rehearsal bits

the next viral product. Not a bad plan! But it still doesn’t excuse airing “Old Friends.” Not for a moment.

What did you think of Saturday’s episode? Was the Tony Bennett sketch the best sketch? It was the best sketch, wasn’t it.