Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Babies For Sale

I wonder sometimes if the majority of society truly realizes the truth of what happens in infant adoption. Those who proclaim what a wonderful act it is – are they aware of the ugliness that hides behind the prettiness? Are they aware of the severe grief and loss caused to both mother and child for the benefit of another?

I can’t believe, or rather I do not want to believe, that we have become so cold and uncaring that as a whole we feel nothing for what happens to young, pregnant women in their most desperate time of need. Are we really in the mindset to support beliefs in which we take an infant away from his or her mother when she has done NOTHING WRONG? To give that baby to another woman deemed more “worthy” simply because of the size of her bank account or marital status?

The ugly, heart-wrenching truth of infant adoption lies not in the pretty picture of a child desperately in need of a home and a couple stepping in to save him or her. It lies in a multi-billion dollar industry, recognizing the desperation of those who want a baby of their own and using that desperation to line their pockets with more and more money. It lies in some who claim they are “helping” young, pregnant woman by taking their babies rather than supporting and helping them raise their children. In those who believe they have a right to another’s baby because they can’t or choose not to have a baby of their own.

Infants are not merchandise. They are human beings. Nobody should ever be disregarded in the way innocent babies are in “price lists” such as those below (taken from an adoption listing of “available situations”) . . .

**Birth Mother due with a full Caucasian baby gender unknown. $33,000.00**

**Birth Mother due with Full Caucasian Baby gender unknown. $28,000.00.**

**Birth Mother due with a Full African American baby gender unknown. $ 22,000.00**

Notice how Caucasian babies “cost” more. And this is considered okay? Understandable by some. Encouraged by others.

Placing a price tag on unborn babies, the dollars varying according to race, is wrong. So very, very wrong! And yet it’s accepted and practiced within our society – a fact I do not and never will understand.

Moms and their unborn children are being reduced to nothing more than items to be bought and sold. And we stand behind this! Call it great thing! WHY?

How can anyone support an act that encourages marketing and advertising in high schools and colleges, pregnancy centers and teen parenting programs? All in the hopes of attaining more babies to sell to hopeful couples.

There is nothing great in that. Nothing loving or caring. Only a deep, dark ugliness so many refuse to see or admit to. But it exists, lingering heavy in the real world of infant adoption, harming so many moms and babies. Creating emotional scars that last a lifetime.

It starts with the mom, bringing her in, offering her comfort and understanding while at the same time telling her the many ways she will fail in her hopes of being a good mother. Her “counseling” includes encouragement for how brave and selfless she will be if she creates an adoption plan, reminds her of the failures she faces if she chooses to parent her own son or daughter.

She is portrayed as a hero in those months of her pregnancy and yet often finds criticism after she has lost her child. Judged by the very same society that holds adoption so high on a pedestal. A society blindly supporting the manipulation of young, pregnant woman, the selling of infants, while turning a blind eye to the sufferings both mother and child experience after such a terrible separation.

It’s time to learn the truth of infant adoption. Time to chip away at old beliefs shrouded in the unknown. First/Natural moms and adoptees are speaking out, sharing stories of confusion and loss. Of feelings of abandonment and a grief that never goes away.

Society needs to listen to them, hear what their words echo. It’s time to turn a deaf ear to the multi-billion dollar adoption industry. Time to see through their “fairy-tales” of a win-win situation. Of infants being rescued from their mothers at birth. There is nothing for them to be rescued from!

We can’t go on assuming anyone who speaks up about adoption is only carrying on because they had a bad experience. Many are speaking out from many different situations. Some bad, some good. Their voices need, and deserve, to be heard.

As a society, we have fought against many “wrongs.” Now is the time to fight against the “wrongs” brought against a mother and child in infant adoption.

5 comments:

i have written a book about wrongful adoption that very much encompasses the troubles you speak of. it is at lulu books.com. should i "profit" from this book the monies will go into a trust fund for the birthmothers 10 year old daughter and my wrongfuly adopted son, whereever he may be. these two children are the real victims in my opinion. david archuletta

On the other side of the spectrum is birth father who is blindsided by a four-pronged abduction. The adoption agency, the adoption attorney, the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services, and last but not least, the birth mother, to whom I wrote I wrote this poem.

Snow Fences

The wants of her heart beckoned of lonely streetsLongingly, like the summer wail of the snow fenceUsing empty winds through its weathered picketsTo howl for the cold company it keeps

I respect your opinion but my girlfriend and I got royally screwed by a birthmother who lied about her marital status and now six weeks after we brought a beautiful baby boy home the father has surfaced and is considering taking the child back. Where are the rights of adoptive parents...how will we not only deal with the loss of a child who we love more than life itself but recover from spending a significant portion of our savings in order to become parents? We have had two miscarriages and thought that we were helping someone in need...the only people who were helped were the attorneys!

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I was sixteen and pregnant. Frightened and so confused. I remember the pamphlet my school nurse handed me. Pregnant? Confused? We understand. We can help you decide which option is best for you and your baby. I needed that. An adult who would comfort me, help me and not judge. Blindly I walked into the adoption agency, seeking help, information, and my life was never the same. They used my age and my emotions for their own gain. Their offered comfort came with one agenda in mind - to make sure I chose adoption for my unborn baby. I walked in their doors as an unknowing, trusting child. I walked out as a battered mother who lost more than she could ever imagine.

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In order to drive a car you must be of a certain age, to drink you must be a certain age, to have your own credit card or even your own bank account without parent signatures you must be a certain age - yet government allows very young vulnerable single mothers to sign a legally-binding document handing over their own flesh-and-blood, another human life, to complete strangers.- Claudia Ganzon -