I love Japan. I love their culture. I love their besuboru (that’s what they call baseball). Their whisky is the best (even if we spell it whiskey). Of all the achievements Japan has claimed, none may be better than the performances they get out of English speaking actors in their commercials. Sure, Lost in Translation covered this point, but have you seen some of the commercials they’ve made? I am convinced this is just a joke they play on actors. “Sure Mr. Cage. This is a great way to sell our product. The kids love this kind of acting.”

Let’s start with Sean Connery in this classic Suntory Whisky advert. Notice the ridiculous faces he makes when he takes a sip. Also, I enjoy the statement that with this whisky, even a famous actor can act like a weird old man who lives alone with his dog.

This is another Suntory ad, this time starring Keanu Reeves. I am pretty sure this was where they got the idea for the Matrix. Keanu is rocking some awesome hair. There’s a random cat. There’s a scary woman who Keanu seems afraid to get drunk with. Also, there’s a crazy song with some rocking lyrics. “When I am under the moon with you, I am in heaven”. Check out the big crescendo at the end.

Next is Harrison Ford in what is the creepiest beer ad of all time. He’s in a sauna with a strange man and then they mime out some beer drinking. Then the guy chases Indy out of the sauna. I thought it might have been sexual harassment, but in the end they have a beer together, so I’m glad they worked it out.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Governor of California:

Let’s double down on that Arnie:

But no one can touch the Nick Cage pachinko adverts. This shit is over the top. I actually think they nailed it. This is Cage’s best work. No words. Just drink it in, Lost Angeles.

This next Cage ad I am pretty sure was a re-envisioning of a few mushroom trips for him. This is where only the strong survived. What on Earth was going on with this?