How Infidelity Affects Us

Infidelity

The tragedy of infidelity is how often it happens. It occurs more frequently than most would imagine. Why do people have affairs? There are a number of factors, but often, the cause is difficult to pinpoint. It might be stress from financial troubles, loss of employment, illness, or infidelity on the part of the other mate.

Infidelity on the part of either spouse can destroy a home. Pain and anguish because of it may alter a decision to reconcile a relationship. But it can be realized with appropriate counsel and a willingness to forgive.

Cheaters don't realize how devastating a marital betrayal can be, and our permissive society is largely to blame. Adulterous behavior and fornication are a regular staple of many TV shows and movies. Although it isn't, to the casual viewer this type of behavior is normal. However, the original purpose for matrimony was one man and woman to be joined together for a lifetime.

How to cope with infidelity

Couples seeking how to cope with infidelity can only deal with one day at a time. Open and honest communication is a prerequisite if reconciliation is to take place. Candidly talking through problematic issues without arguments or accusations ia a good start. Couples may need professional counseling.

To start, counselors usually meet with each mate separately to discover areas of conflict. Future meetings most often have both present. No one individual is solely innocent or guilty. Each must be willing to take responsibility for their part leading to the situation. It's important not to play “the blame game” and avoid accusations that can lead to further anger and hurt.

Is it possible to heal wounds after unfaithfulness?

If your mate has had an adulterous affair, the deceit may have destroyed any trust formerly present. The thought of trusting them again may seem impossible.

Is it possible to heal wounds after unfaithfulness? Yes. However, while it’s normal to want to know everything about an affair, these questions should be considered with care. Once the who, when, and where questions are out of the way, don’t look any deeper unless it will help the healing process. Dwelling on the affair will only cause further harm.

It's vital to learn successful coping strategies. Life’s daily needs continue whether or not a crisis exists. Children must still be cared for, as well as keeping up with your job. Learn from the grief, don’t try to suppress it. If all else fails, look at what the Bible says about divorce.

God, laid out His plan for marriage as a lifelong union. When we stray from His plan, we have seen damaging results on many levels. Unfortunately, the divorce rate in the church is comparable to the rest of society.

Divorce destroys of the foundation of all societies, the family. Sometimes, it may seem necessary, or even unavoidable. For example, some states have what's called “no fault” divorce. If one files for divorce the other can't stop it.

It becomes obvious those considering divorce should seek counseling, because most divorces are neither necessary or unavoidable. Divorce isn't required in most cases.

If your significant other has committed adultery, divorce is allowed, but not required. Many have been able to rebuild their relationships even in those concerning adultery.

Another option is to consider separation first. This will allow both partners more time to think about their state of affairs and not rashly rush into hasty decisions.

Comments

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dashingscorpio 4 weeks ago

Why do people have affairs?

According to one adage regarding the 80/20 rule: At best you're going to get 80% of what you want/need from your mate.

(The other 20% you'll have to learn to do without.)

Cheaters on the other hand embark on a immature selfish attempt to "have it all". Nobody gets to "have it all".

The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Very few cheaters are looking to (replace) one relationship with another. They want to "compliment" what they already have.

Whatever they are unhappy about or deem to be missing in their relationship clearly does not rise to the level of being a "deal breaker" in their eyes or else they would have chosen to leave.

With regard to offering forgiveness and attempting stay:

Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

Another factor to be considered is how contrite one's mate is and the effort they're willing to make to be transparent, earn your trust, and reveal what their motivation was and why given the same set of circumstances they would never make that decision again. Essentially reveal to you what they've "learned".

In all honesty I agree with you that oftentimes it's best to have a separation. Too often people are quick to offer forgiveness because they're in "shock". Finding out about the betrayal is bad enough but having to contemplate going through a divorce is simply too much for them to bear.

However later they realize no matter how much effort the cheater attempts to make amends they simply cannot forget or let it go.

In some instances betrayed people have engaged in "revenge cheating". In other instances they never fully trust their mate again and thereby hold back emotionally as well as physically which can lead to an eventual breakup or divorce.

When it comes to marriage you can't straddle the fence.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what have. Accept them (as is) or move on.