Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - DVD Review

We
didn't go to see this movie in the theater because we had been to see The
Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, and so I accidentally ran over every pair of
pants that I owned several times with the mower, drove nails into the tires of
the car, and stole a backhoe to dig up the ends of the street so that no one
could leave home for the duration of the film's exposure at the theater.

Still
not good enough. My son-in-law rented it on Netflix, and invited the family to
watch it as a group, because he had enjoyed it. Sometimes you just have to bite
the bullet, get a big glass of wine and a bowl of chips, and have a note taped
to your wrist not to shout things at the screen -- yes, this was one of those
times.

If
you loved the first Hobbit movie, you might find room in your heart for this
one. If you didn't like the first one, you'll hate this one even worse. For in
this one, if there is a fight scene, there will be more beheading and stabbing
and chopping than in 300. And if there is one fight scene, there will be
so many you will not be able to count them. If there is a weapon of honor being
packed by a dwarf, in this movie, there will be ten to fifteen, and even if
they lose them -- in battle or incarceration -- they will reappear later with
no explanation or diminishing in numbers. And elves will have the hots for
elves, the hots for dwarves, and they will all be hot to insist they are not
the least bit hot for anything in Middle Earth but being left alone to comb
their hair and practice their archery.

As
to the story ... if you've read Tolkien's The Hobbit, you'll wonder what
the hell this movie is based on. And if you haven't, don't bother trying to
make sense of this muddled mash by reading it. Bernie pointed out to me the next day that The Desolation of Smaug was just Hobbit fanfic. You know, I think he's right.

Martin
Freeman is still cute as a bug as Bilbo, however, and he must have had a
wonderful clause in his contract, to not appear in any completely stupid and
disjointed scenes. Him I liked, and I wish that the producers had made a better
film for him to star in.

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About Me

Someone told me that they were bored after retirement, and so went back to work. I'm still seeking a little boredom for a change of pace, and not finding it. As Managing Editor of the ezine the Piker Press, I read a lot of great stories, meet a lot of wonderful people, and tear a lot of hair out over computer glitches. But I still try to work in horseback riding, writing books (and movie reviews), fiddling with the garden, art work, sewing, cooking, coaching NFL football from my favorite chair -- and soaking up every minute I can with my beloved husband, Bernie.