Category Archives: Self Help

A special moment in time can occur as we stop to reflect on things in life. While enjoying the beach it is also a great opportunity to grasp a new perspective on life. No matter how big our problems are, they will pale in comparison to power and the vast body of water that lies before us.

As we breathe the fresh air and feel the cool ocean breeze it provides a calming force. Even if we cannot literally be on the beach, we can visualize the waves as they roll upon the beach. There is an opportunity to listen to the ocean waves off the Internet, while practicing deep breaths exercises, relaxing our neck and shoulders, and focusing our mind on pleasant thoughts. This is just one of many beneficial tools we can us to improve our health care.

Asking simple questions can be instrumental to help us visualize our desired place of peace. What are we visualizing? What does the environment look like? Are there many people on the beach or is it isolated? Is the wind blowing hard, or is there a gentle breeze? What time of day is it? Is it high tide or low? Are we alone or with another? Is it warm or cold? These factors will have an impact on how one is able to relax.

As we practice visualizing our times of relaxation, day dreaming, or actively creating a mini vacation from within, we will find our stress level decreases. It is a great way to spend a few minutes to be creative, to escape from the daily grind, and to decompress. We have permission to do so. This can be part of a great treatment plan and continued long term goal for improved health.

For some it would appear things come naturally, where others struggle doing even the simple things in life. As this picture demonstrates, determination prevails, even if we seem to get tied up momentarily. Obviously preparing something nutritious to eat is work. Being successful creating food others enjoy can be a major feat, especially for those who find cooking is not their strong suit.It can be considered an art form. Many demonstrate their love and take artistic license in their creations. There are others who dread the thought of even entering a kitchen, avoiding it like the plaque. They tread lightly when forced to enter, looking for exit signs immediately.

Being creative can be revealed in many forms and displayed in unique ways that only the creator can accomplish. We are all gifted to be creative in one way or the other.

“A musician must make music, a painter must paint, a poet must write to be ultimately at peace.” Maslow

One who loves playing instruments will see music as a gift that touches the soul. A painter will enjoy painting images to provide beauty to the eye of the beholder. A writer sees words as gifts to be formed into word pictures; showing a scene or telling a story.

Whatever strengths we have been given, gifts or talents, let us use them, for we know it is never too late to start. As shown above, even if we have our hands tied, (these were for demonstration purpose) we can enjoy the journey .

What image comes to mind when we hear the question, “Getting rid of your baggage”? Up until today I would have answered disposing unwanted materials. Perhaps I would think the baggage related to emotional issues that could weigh someone down. As I was working on my new book which is getting ready for publication soon, I was still struggling with the correct title. Although I had many ideas, nothing seem to fit the subject matter. One potential idea for the title was, “Free Yourself” Heart Menders Guide to Getting Rid of Baggage. It sounded great at first, yet I pondered for a moment about the last word. Baggage………….. What does baggage mean? To my surprise I found these answers:

Cases used to carry belongings

Equipment and supplies of a military force

Portable equipment and supplies of an army

A worthless or immoral woman

An adult female person (as opposed to a man)

That was shocking to me. I never would have dreamed the true meaning of the word. Therefore, I decided I would not title my book using the words, “Getting rid of baggage.” As I am learning to be a word smith I realize how important it is to speak clearly and be precise, not letting myself assume I know the meaning of words. In our world, the young adults will determine the future way we communicate and what words we use. The generation gap seems to be enlarging. I do not want to use slang words that will not be sufficient when talking to my audience. As far as the title of the book, the working title is “Free Yourself” Heart Menders Guide to Deal With Your Inner Hoarder. We have many opportunities to free ourselves of external and internal possessions and/or emotions. The question is, will we reach out, ask for, and receive the help to do so? For a free consultation contact me to set up an appointment.

Resistance is a force that we must combat if we desire to step into the fulness of our creativity. It can come in the form of distraction, procrastination, fear, self-doubt and self sabotage. Ego, narcissism, and perfectionism are powerful forces of resistance that must be dealt with to be successful in our endeavor to experience our creative quest. Another area creating strongholds that bind us up are our rational thoughts. We will argue with our self, questioning who do we think we are that we could actually be good enough to be successful? We may think, “It would be great if someone would buy my art, but what makes me think they would want mine”? Our Logic can be the very thing that becomes our stumbling block. Friends and family often are the nay-sayers. They do not see what we see, nor understand who we are and why we must have a creative outlet. Whether it is music, art or writing, it is a passion that we must express if we are to stay healthy emotionally and physically. I will continue on this subject in the future, for there are many dynamics involved that need to be brought to light and addressed to be free to enjoy the creativity desiring to be released..

What is TBD syndrome? Although it is an epidemic in the United States most do not even consider it a problem, accepting it as a way of life. Personally, I have decided to declare war on it. The definition of TBD: Too Busy Disorder. If you look closely at the symptoms you may know someone else who suffers from this. Balancing life’s duties and expectations can be tricky to say the least. The mind can come up with a tremendous amount of ideas for things to do, yet the body can’t accomplish them all. The limitations of being human can be disappointing when there are so many great opportunities, desires, or demands we have for ourselves; let alone what others may have for us. So what can one do living in a society that seems to be stuck on high speed?
Remember the old fashion mixers people would used to make cakes? It was important once all the right ingredients were in the bowl, and water added, to pay attention or I could make a big mess! If I turned the mixer on high speed and then lifted it out of the bowl, ingredients splattered everywhere. In life we may have all the desired (ingredients) parts for a happy home; shelter (bowl), food, clothes and even games to play. Caution: At high speed things can get messy. This is where the problem comes in; TBD strikes at the heart of the family.
A typical morning may start in a hurry to get ready for the day, no quite time, meditation or prayer, can’t stop to read an inspirational thought or even have breakfast with the family. Thankful for the quick cup of coffee, have to slug it down on the way to work. At lunch too busy to rest a few minutes afterwards while food digests. Later look forward to getting off work, get out of school, or completing chores that need to be done. Finally home at last, shoes off and time to kick back, right? Where is everybody? Rushing to practice, going shopping, doing laundry, going to another meeting? Do we need to make an appointment on the already busy schedule to see those we love?
It seems the merry-go-round ride never stops, and everyone gets on sooner or later. I have decided that I must find the stop switch. Listen to people’s response when asked the question, “How are you”? The answers are almost always the same, “Busy”! You will be surprised how many people respond in the same way, they are so tired and yet no other word is able to describe the experiences they are having. When I ask the second question, I get amazed at the look on their faces. The question is, “What do you do for fun”? Again, due to the TBD, they get a blank look on their face as they search for an answer; most eventually state they aren’t doing anything because they are too busy.
Deciding to make changes in my own life, I prayed and asked the Lord to help me adjust my calendar to a realistic one, scheduling my time and activities in a balanced format. Doing a great deal of research, I looked at a tremendous amount of calendars all shapes and sizes, I also looked at time management programs. Reality is: There is no someday on any calendar I looked at. In the light of that revelation, if I want to be a writer, an artist, or a musician, I can’t wait for someday to arrive to do so.
Therefore, I would like to challenge you to write a date on your calendar once a month just for yourself! This will be a time in the midst of busyness to be kind to yourself and do something just for you. This is to enjoy the beautiful life God has given you. Yes, we all need to be faithful, and responsible to take care of our own business. We also need to take care of our self, set a time to step off the merry-go-round, having permission to relax or play. Life is not all about to-do lists, and working so hard we do not have time to enjoy the life God gives us.
I can have a great home, food and all the beautiful things that go along with that, yet without time to see my loved ones, visit friends and building relationships what good is it? It is time for a change. Slowing down and being gentle to yourself may be a beginning step to part of the solution for healing the TBD syndrome.

There are many who declare New Year’s resolutions, only to find that they were not willing or able to fulfill them. When January 1st rolls around we might hear someone declare, “I am not going to eat any more junk food.” Another may say, “I am going to lose 20 pounds”. A couple may decide that is the day they both are going to quit smoking. The list can go on and on in regard to the resolutions we make. There are many reasons people desire to start fresh, to get a new beginning, to have a second chance to do something right. We will never know the real motivations of one’s heart who declares they want to lose weight. Is it to feel healthier, look great, or to try to manipulate someone while using their tried and true traits of seduction? Whatever the case, no matter the reason, there are those who have made it a tradition to make an announcement of some kind that they will be changing a behavior of some sort beginning January 1st.
Now here we are with summer in full force, today being July 1st. Officially we have already passed through one half of the year 2015! Shall we make another tradition? Shall we declare July 1st as “Taking inventory day”? This can be a lengthy process, especially if you are a business owner with a large stockpile of merchandise. Talking about taking inventory of our personal lives presents a different picture. What does it mean to take personal inventory? As I prepare to enter into a new field of work, I first count the cost. How would my work impact the market place? What is the competition? Taking time to investigate, do my homework, and pay attention to the reality check, I could save myself tremendous expenses, financially, physically and emotionally. Doing research, developing a mission statement, business plan, and make an S.W.A.T. analysis is all needed from a business perspective. What tools do I have and what is my skill level? Do I have enough knowledge in my inventory or do I need to acquire more education. Many are due diligent to take inventory when it relates to business. How many are taking personal inventory to see if they have a deficit or an increase? Fear or busyness may prevent some to stop and take account. I propose that we begin a new trend to pause and reflect on the first day of the half way mark of the year. Let’s reflect on our progress while taking inventory of our resources, emotionally and spiritually as well as financially.

Self help is kind of a funny concept in many ways. There are a tremendous amount of self-help books out on the market. Yet, how realistic is it to think we can help our self? If we could, would we need to keep getting more self-help books? Do we ever get to the place where we can say ‘We have finally arrived’? Is there anyone that can help me help my self help habits? If I just buy this new book and do what it says I will feel better, be more, have more, know more……….. The list goes on and on. How realistic is it to think somebody else can help us? Some may help if we hire them to clean our homes, do our laundry, take care of our finances, some may even go shopping for us. There are a lot of people who are willing to do a variety of things to make money. Therefore, if you have a need and have the finances to pay someone, they may be able to help you accomplish your goal, coach you while you build your self-esteem, or train you how to life weights and body build. Depending on what we need help with will determine what we can actually do in regard for our own attempts for self-help. There are times when we may have a loved one who needs help. If we step in to help they may act like a drowning man, who in a panic state of mind, may drag down the very one trying to save him. Then there are times likened to the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” In other words, we all can get stuck in our ways, stubborn, and dig in our heels, thinking they can’t make me mentality. The reality is we all need each other at times, and then at other times we need to grow up and learn how to take care of some business.