(This is graduation week for the college that is a couple blocks away, so our rates are higher than they usually are for this week. Our rates are about 30 dollars less than the average rate of next closest hotel to campus.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I would like a room with two beds for May 11th-14th.”

Me: “Sure, that will be $119 plus tax per night.”

Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I stayed there last month, and it was only $79!”

Me: “Well, our rates do fluctuate based on what is going in the area. Supply and demand, you know?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, more people want hotel rooms, so the price goes up. That’s how businesses make money.”

Caller: “But you’re a hotel, not a business! I refuse to stay at a place where you jack up the rates to screw people over!” *hangs up*

(I am working in a sub shop when two elderly ladies approach. One orders for both of them.)

Customer: “I want a tuna sub.”

Me: “Okay, is that a footlong?”

(I’m assuming they are getting a footlong to split, but I have to ask to be sure.)

Customer: “No, it’s for here.”

Me: “Okay, but is that a footlong or a 6 inch?”

Customer:*looks at me confused* “What?”

Me: “Is your sub a footlong or a 6 inch?”

Customer: “No, it’s a footlong.”

(I go down the line making the rest of her sandwich for her without any other problems. When we get to the register, they get two bags of chips and two coffees. Then, they ask for the senior discount, which I give them.)

Me: “That will be $9.31 today.”

Customer: “That’s not right.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I thought the sub was $5.”

Me: “Actually, with your senior discount it only costs $4.50, but you also have the chips and the coffees, which brings your total to $9.31.”

Customer: “But the sub’s supposed to be $5.”

Me: “Yes, and it is $5. However, you also got the chips, which are $0.89 a piece and the coffees, which are about $1.29 a piece. Then, theres tax.”

Customer: “But I thought that the sub was $5.”

(This goes on for about five more minutes, with me explaining everything she’s got and how her total is $9.31. After about five more minutes, she finally gets it.)

Customer: “Oh, the coffee and the chips cost about $1 each, so it’s $9.31!”

(I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

(I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

(Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

(The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

(Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

(If the customer has 1) a very small tax refund in comparison to the preparation fees and 2) a simple tax situation, we will prepare and file their tax return for free. We also run a promotion where we’ll give customers $50 cash if they have to pay for tax return preparation. This is a conversation between my manager and a very loud customer.)

Manager: “Since your refund is $137, I will file your return for free.”

Customer: “Thank you! What about my $50?”

Manager: “I cannot give you $50 because I am not charging you anything.”

Customer: “I NEED THAT $50!”

Manager:*remaining calm* “If I gave you $50, it would be like me paying you so that I can prepare your return, right? To give you the $50, I would have to be charging you something first, right? I am doing this return for you free.”

Customer: “Okay, do that! Charge me!”

Manager: “So you are saying that you would like me to charge you $100 for preparation so that I can then give you $50?”