Has this ever happened to you; you put on a pair of jeans you hadn’t worn in a while and unexpectedly, you find money in the pockets???

This has happened to me a couple of times…

Sometimes when I get change from a quick purchase, instead of putting the money in my wallet, I put it in my pocket, and forget about it…days later I find the money and it makes me happy; it is an unexpected bonus.

It seems to me that there are similarities between leap day and the money you find unexpectedly in your pockets. Leap day -much like the money we find unexpectedly in our pockets- is not something that “magically appears”…it is time that has been stored up and emerges at one point in time.

Leap Year Explained

In the gregorian calendar, the years are mostly 365 days long. This period of 365 days should coincide with the time that it takes for the earth to circle once around the sun. However, in practice it takes the earth 365 days 5 hours 48 minutes and 46 seconds to complete its trajectory around the sun. So for three years, the extra hours are stored up and put away. On the fourth year, this extra-time -which now adds up to one whole day- appears in the calendar on February 29, which is leap day…a bonus day in the year.

It is funny how much people enjoy leap year…it is the perception of an “extra day” that makes it special…much like the perception of the “extra money” makes me happy when I find unexpectedly some change in my pockets.

Perceptions and Values

Leap day illustrates how our perception affects the value we ascribe to things, and in turn affects the way we experience events in our lives. February 29 is considered a “special day” in the calendar, even though it is nothing more than the extra six hours leftover in the past four years.

This phenomenon was discussed by Dan Ariely in his book “Predictably Irrational”. Through his experiments on behavioral economics, Ariely found that what we perceive to have value can affect our lives in concrete and significant ways. In chapter 11 of the book, Ariely describes one particular experiment, where students were given the same medication at different prices; one group was given the medication at 2.50 dollars a pill, and the next group was given the EXACT SAME medication at .10 cents a pill.

Even though the medication was the exact same chemical composition, the reported relief resulting from this medication among the two groups was drastically different; ALL of the students who paid the “expensive” price for the pill reported pain relief, while only half of the students who took the “cheap” medication reported pain relief. The experiment -according to Ariely – demonstrates how our perceptions, and the value we ascribe to things can drastically affect our concrete experiences.

It is a pity, that people who took good quality medication were prevented from experiencing the fullness of its benefits because of their perceptions of this medication as “cheap”. The truth is, that sometimes we may perceive that are affordable and available as “cheap” but in reality…they might be very valuable.

That Which is Truly Valuable

Recently, a similar story about a study on perception, taste and priorities was circulating the web. According to this story, the Washington Post arranged for Joshua Bell, a world renowned Violinist, to play his 3.5 Million Dollar violin at the metro-station in Washington D.C. Just a few days before, Bell had sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100. However that day in the subway, barely anyone stopped to listen…

The report on the experiment describes how this famous violinist played for 45 minutes, and during this time, it was mostly the children who wanted to stop and enjoy the performance…but the parents rushed them along. Out of the approximately 1000 people who walked by during this time, nobody recognized Bell, or even worse, none of the adults appreciated the value of his music. Why? Probably because their perception of what should be valuable prevented them from appreciating the real value of the performance.

This experiment brings to my mind the passage in Luke 10:17 where Jesus said to his disciples; I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

Perhaps what Jesus was referring to in this verse, is the quality of children that was displayed in the example of Joshua Bell…Children were the ones who took the time to appreciate that which is truly valuable, and made room to allow the transcendent into their lives.

Lent and Leap Year

In a similar fashion to Joshua Bell’s music in the D.C. metro, the book of Proverbs, chapter 8 describes how God’s wisdom is readily available for all of us…calling to us like a street performer.

1Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice?

2 On the heights along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand;

3 beside the gates leading into the city, at the entrances, she cries aloud:

4 “To you, O men, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind….

6 Listen, for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right….

10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold,11 for wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare with her.

Lent this year began exactly one week before leap day…on ash Wednesday. May this time be a time where we stop to appreciate that which is truly valuable and readily available for us…God’s grace, his love, and his wisdom in our lives given freely through Jesus Christ.

A story that been navigating the web this week; it is the story of a fifteen year old girl named Hannah Jordan, from North Carolina in the U.S.

Like many other girls her age, Hanna is a high-schooler who has a Facebook account. One day, Hannah got really upset with her parents…and she decided to vent her frustrations by writing a letter about it and posting it on Facebook.

She made sure however that she blocked her parents on Facebook so that they could not read what she said about them.

Hannah’s father however, is very tech-savvy…and he was upgrading her daughter’s computer software when he saw the letter she had written, which he was not supposed to see…

The Letter

To my parents,

I’m not your “lowly” slave. It’s not my responsibility to clean up your “stuff”. We have a cleaning lady for a reason. Her name is Linda, not Hannah.

If you want coffee, get off your “butt” and get it yourself. If you want a garden, shovel the fertilizer yourself, don’t sit back on your “butt” and watch me do it. If you walk in the house and get mud all over the floor that I just cleaned, be my guest, but clean it up after you are done getting “dirt” everywhere.

I’m tired of picking up after you. You tell me at least once a day that I need to get a job.You could just pay me for all the “stuff” that I do around the house. Every day when I get home from school, I have to do dishes, clean the counter tops, all the floors, make all the beds, do the laundry and get the trash. I’m not even going to mention all the work I do around your clinic.And if I don’t do all that every day, I get grounded. Do you know how hard it is to keep up with chores and schoolwork? It’s freaking crazy.

I go to sleep at 10 o’clock every night because I am too tired to stay up any longer and do anything else. I have to get up at five in the morning, to get ready for school. On the weekends, I have to sleep with my door locked so my little brother won’t come get me up at six. This is all true.And I’m tired – I’m tired of this “nonsense” Next time I have to pour a cup of coffee, I’m going to flip “…” I have no idea how I have a life. I’m going to hate to see the day when you get too old to “care for yourselves” and you call me, asking for help. I won’t be there.

Signed,

Your “angry” Kid,

Hannah

(OBVIOUSLY I HAVE CENSORED SOME OF THE EXPRESSIONS IN THIS LETTER)

The Video

After Hannah’s father read this letter, he was really angry – to say the least – and he decided to respond to this letter in a youtube video, and to post the video on his daughters wall on Facebook.

In this video, he reads the letter that Hannah wrote, and tells his side of the story (basically Hannah had exaggerated a lot about her housework duties)…and then after he sets the record straight, he informs his daughter hannah, that she is GROUNDED

until COLLEGE, and proceeds to SHOOT her computer 10 times!!!

The Fallout

This video has been the source of much debate and discussion…also it has been the source of a lot of funny spoofs on youtube (which I have personally enjoyed).

People criticize the father –whose name is Tommy – for being too drastic, other people commend him on his resolve not to put up with her daughter’s rebellious behavior.

I personally was sad to see the computer get shot, what a waste!!!! But one thing that I think everyone would agree with, is that it would have been better if Hannah would have not written the letter…some things should not be said…and Hannah crossed the line.

Words for Christian Living

As Christians, everything we say comes before God, and like Hannah –who was unable to hide her letter from her father – we are unable to say things without God hearing/knowing about them. God wishes us to be careful with our speech; he encourages to use our words wisely…the bible says:

Ephesians 4:29

NIV: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Easy to Read When you talk, don’t say anything bad. But say the good things that people need—whatever will help them grow stronger. Then what you say will be a blessing to those who hear you.

New Living Translation: Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

From this passage, we can see that GOD cares about what we say, and he has specific expectations regarding our speech; he says that we need to ABSTAIN from unwholesome talk, from saying bad things, or using abusive language. Also, God encourages us to say things that are uplifting to people around us. This is a very clear directive of what we ought to do…and what we shouldn’t do.

The Reason

Why do you think god cares so much about what we say? Simply because words are powerful. They can destroy/hurt people, or they can heal…

Proverbs 12:18

NIV: The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Easy to Read: Speak without thinking, and your words can cut like a knife. Be wise, and your words can heal.

New Living Translation: Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.

Think about the last time you were really, really sick…mine was Beijing 2009.

Sick in Beijing

Two years ago, Tim and I went to Beijing. It was December, and we were really excited to go see the great wall. We were staying in a really nice hotel, that had a huge bed with an amazing T.V. in front of it…we were in HEAVEN.

So the first night when we arrived we watched tv, ordered room service and went to bed. I was asleep, and then suddenly I woke up, I felt sick…really sick. I got up and had to throw up…and I never stopped throwing up.

At seven in the morning, we decided it was time to go to the hospital…and I couldn’t get there fast enough! Once we arrived at the hospital, the doctor gave me an i.v. to get me re-hydrated, and also he gave me medication to stop the vomiting. He recommended that I should try to rest and to stay for half a day in the hospital.

Half an hour after I got the medication, I was able to fall asleep…it was the best sleep ever!!! The hospital bed felt like a cloud…even better than the hotel bed!!! What was the difference??? That I had received MEDICATION…and the medications had changed my circumstances drastically, I was getting healthy.

Similarly, God wants that the words we say work like that medicine in the lives of those who hear them; that those words help change people’s circumstances for the better in a tangible way.

What are some obstacles to us speaking the right words?

1 1. The wrong thoughts

2. The wrong motives

3. Lack of confidence

Matthew 12:35-37 outlines how that which comes out of our mouth, basically reflects the thoughts, motives, and self-image that we have inside us.

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”

This passage says, that we need to give account for every word that we say…so we should weigh our words.

David prayed;

“Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” –Psalm 19:12-14

David understood the importance of words. Do we?

– May this Psalm, also be our prayer, and may our words be like medicine for those who hear them.

The beginning of a fairy tale goes like this: “Once upon a time, in a land far away….” (you know the rest). The story goes on to narrate the adventures and misadventures of some heroic character, that suffers unjust treatment and somehow manages to overcome every adverse situation, ultimately achieving some sort of retribution that rights all wrongs…and in the end, the main character “lived happily ever after”.

As a child, I enjoyed the simplicity of this statement…because it allowed me to let my imagination take over, and envision different happy scenarios. Even if the fairy tale was the same, in my mind, I could insert a different kind of happy-ending every time. Nowadays, I still love happy endings, I love them in fairy tales, books, movies, and also, in real life.

Unexpectedly however, it is my love for happy endings that led me the to gain insight about the topic of sadness and regret during perhaps one of the most crucial times of my life.

My fairy tale: Meeting my husband

If you talk to my husband, he will testify to the fact that I am not the most romantic woman in the world, quite the contrary, I tend to be more practical than anything else. This has been the case for most of my life; when I was in my teens, and early twenties, I never believed in love at first sight, and, as a matter of fact, I understood love at first sight to be some form of youthful infatuation that was unworthy of my time and energy… (yeah, I know).

Anyhow, it was a December evening, and I had been invited to a friend’s birthday dinner. I wasn’t expecting anything uber-exciting; I envisioned a good Italian meal, hanging out with my friend, and nothing more…However, when I arrived at Olive Garden’s, I noticed among the guests a handsome, tall, blond man with a gorgeous smile. Somehow, we had the chance to converse a bit, and it turned out, we had a ridiculous amount of stuff in common. I was so excited to meet him, and I remember thinking at that moment, that perhaps there COULD be such a thing as love at first sight…(NOTICE: I still was a bit skeptical).

Almost exactly a year later, I found myself celebrating my birthday with this handsome, tall, blond man, who was now my boyfriend. We had started dating earlier in that year…and we were crazy about each other. I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, and I could sense the feeling was mutual. So that day, on my birthday, I remember feeling like everything was falling into place; I had found “the one”, I was about to start my last semester of college, and my life was starting to converge into the point where I could be “happily ever after”.

The weird part of “happily ever after”

Tim (the tall, handsome, blond guy) and I got engaged during a wonderful trip together. It was precisely at this point in my life, that instead of being happily ever after, I found myself struggling with feelings of sadness and regret. I did not understand why I was feeling sad. I felt that I should be happy about my circumstances, and since my circumstances did not match my emotional state, I decided to seek advice from a counselor.

I remember the first appointment with the counselor, I felt really self-conscious, like I was the oddest person in the planet, I was wondering; “why am I sad, when I have the greatest fiancé, and I am about to graduate college”? As I sat with the counselor and talked to her, the reason for my sadness became crystal clear. It was like I was looking into the magic mirror, which allowed me to see beyond my present reflection, and to understand everything in a better way. I realized that the source of my sadness was not my present circumstances, or the wonderful journey that I was about to begin by Tim’s side. The source of my sadness was the loss of something that I thought I would always have….

Four years before I met Tim, my family and I had relocated to the United States. This move was unexpected, and it meant we had to leave important aspects of our lives back in El Salvador, and start our lives over in the U.S. The transition was not hard, however leaving El Salvador was very painful; I gave up the comfort of home, and the plans that I had for my future. Up to the point when we left El Salvador, I had never-ever envisioned myself living abroad, much less settling abroad; I loved El Salvador. However, since life doesn’t always go according to planned, we had to relocate and settle in Texas. This meant that my future would be completely different that what I had envisioned…and it was this loss, that was causing all the sadness and regret that I was feeling. Most importantly, through my conversation with the counselor, I figured out the reason why I was not able to deal properly with the sadness and regret that followed my departure from El Salvador; it was because I felt guilty about being sad…I felt like I should be happy, and I never allowed myself to deal with the sad feelings.

From that experience, I learnt valuable lessons about sadness and regret:

1. Sadness & Regret do not always come as a direct result of something we did or did not do…it is the result of living in a world, where circumstances and people change (which can result in hurt)

2. Sadness & Regret can take place at different points in time in our lives, without circumstances and feelings corresponding one-to-one

3. Sadness & Regret weigh our heart down, and can keep us from experiencing our life to the fullest

4. Sadness & Regret in our lives isn’t always our fault, but we can feel guilty about it, and it is important to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way.

How to deal?

So the question is, how can we then deal with sadness and regret in a healthy way?

2 Corinthians 7:10 says: “Godly sadness causes us to turn away from our sins and be saved. And we are certainly not sorry about that! But worldly sadness brings death.”

Through this verse, we cans see that according to the bible, there are two kinds of sadness; Godly sadness, and worldly sadness. Godly sadness is the one that brings us closer to God, it reconciles us with God and other people, it heals us and it leaves no regret. Worldly sadness on the other hand, isolates us, it is hurtful and fills us with regret, this is the unhealthy sadness that keeps us from living our life to the fullest.

In christian circles -and even in non-christian circles- it is very common for people to feel guilty about being sad, and this creates a cycle of sadness, guilt, and regret that paralyzes people and causes them to isolate themselves from God and others. This is not a healthy way to deal with sadness.

Turning Worldly Sadness into Godly Sadness

It is important that we realize that it is normal to besad sometimes. We do not always have to be happy-go-lucky. Nevertheless, we need to be ableto discern the nature of our sadness; whether it is worldlysadness or Godly sadness. The good news aboutbeing sad is that, God welcomes us just as we are. He is not going to turn us away because we havetears in our eyes…The Bible says:“a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” -Psalm 51:17

King David -who wrote this Psalm – was an expert in sadness and regret. He had a lot of reasons to be sad and regretful in his lifetime…however he always found his way back to God…even in his lowest points, because he knew that in God he could always find comfort. To me, this is a happy ending.

I still love happy endings, and now I can say I believe in love at first sight (thank you Tim)…however, I am a bit more careful when it comes to happily ever after.

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