Akim Aliu at the 2007 NHL Draft

In honor of Akim Aliu’s recent signing with the Blackhawks (and my lack of creativity), I’ve decided to republish a piece about the New Nigerian Nightmare from the 2007 NHL Draft. This was originally posted on the late Kill Bill Wirtz blog. May he burn in Gehenna.

Wait, what are they saying about me?Are they saying I’m a hothead?Alright, I’m not the best teammate in the world.I’m not a bad guy or an asshole.I loved playing for Sudbury.And London.

But Steve Downie … he has a problem.That bad ear and the device he has to put in it.It looks like a snake crawling out of his auditory canal.

Wait, now what’s Dale Tallon saying?He’s looking at me and grinning.He’s going to pick me at 38!Wait, what’s that guy on the stage saying?Bill Sweatt?That’s not my name!Who’s he?

They’re all talking about me, that I’m a bad egg.Everyone from Bettman to the scouts.I see them all looking at me.One hundred thousand eyes pointed in my direction.The scent of their tears stings my nostrils.I can taste the salt from a mile away.Oh, they’ll never know what…

Wait, what are they saying?The Blackhawks picked me?Dale Tallon just saved his life …