Friday, November 30, 2007

It was fun, but I'll be glad to go back to my regular programming. I actually feel like I'm missing everyone because with the every day post takes up a bit of my blog-reading time and I know I haven't been commenting as much as I should be. Things will be different in December, I promise.

Of course, December brings Christmas which I am so not ready for. I usually have all of my shopping done by this point and I'm not even half way done this year. Gift cards are looking better and better to me. Can we just skip it this year? I'm just not in the jolly yule mood. Maybe it's the eighty degree weather down here or the three kids running me ragged, but I'm just not looking forward to it. Sad, huh?

Anyway, can you remember when Elizabeth was a mushy, pink lump?

What happened to my floppy-headed doll?

She was replaced by this pretty girl, that's what!

In just a week's time she's grown a tooth, learned to sit, learned to pull herself up to sit, and is attempting to trade scooting for crawling. I can't imagine what she'll attempt next week.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I have always been an Arkansas fan, but I have never loved the Razorbacks more than I did last Friday. In case you were stuck in a hole, or don't follow the BCS as closely as I do, unranked Arkansas beat number 1 LSU thereby ending all championship hopes for the Tigers. I am always a sucker for the underdog, but that loss, along with the Kansas loss, shot West Virginia right on up to number two in the rankings. If the Mountaineers don't shoot themselves in the ass with penalties and turnovers on Saturday against our archrival Pitt, then they're heading to New Orleans for the National Championship game.

I have been online for two days trying to secure some tickets and can you believe they're already sold out? A bowl bid hasn't even been extended and the tickets are already gone. Sucks. I'm sure hoping Santa has a few tricks up his sleeve because it would sure be a shame to have to sit out in the parking lot in the cold in January with three little children.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

This morning at the donut shop, I happened to look at Elizabeth and notice a strange rash on her forehead. It wasn't really red, it wasn't raised, it was just a bunch of little purpley pinhead dots that went down her neck and onto her shoulders. My donut dudes suspected dermatitis and I figured, well, she did sleep on clean sheets last night, maybe I accidentally washed them in the fragranced detergent and went on to Little Gym as usual. After loads of fun at the LG, the kids and I took a stroll through the mall and while waiting on Santa again (I couldn't deny my middle child another crack at Ho Ho), I noticed the rash again. It seemed a little more purpley and there seemed to be more behind her ears. Hmmm, time to head home to Dr. Google. Dr. Google's diagnosis: It is urgent that your child be seen by a doctor since the purpley rash didn't blanch white when pressed so your child most certainly has meningitis and likely infected everyone she came in contact with, even poor, poor Santa. I almost passed out then and there.

So, I try to remain calm and dial the pediatrician's office and let them know I have just a teeny concern and they were all like, come in right now, can you be here in ten minutes? That made me vomit in my mouth just a little. I honestly do not remember driving to that office. I couldn't tell you which road I choose to get there. I just remember getting there and seeing our pediatrician, not a nurse, waiting for us outside the door. Surely she was just being friendly I kept telling myself. New policy or something. She didn't seem concerned or anything. I think she was smiling. Yeah, she's just happy to see us. Yeah, that's it. So she takes us to a room, takes Elizabeth and looks her over, pokes at her, asks a bunch of questions and tells me, yep, those are petechiae and she'll be drawing blood to check her platelet count and can two med students come look at her because we don't see those very often.

Damn, that can't be good.

It took all of seven minutes for her to prick my baby's finger and come back with the results and temporary diagnosis. Her platelet count is fine, good in fact, and she guesses the petechiae are from an extended crying fit she had as a result of having to spend one hour with my husband. In those seven minutes I imagined my baby being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and all that might come with that. Those seven minutes almost killed me. I couldn't even imagine what happens all the time to "somebody else". I thought of my sister and I probably felt only a fraction in seven minutes of what she felt for nine years, probably still feels. I cried with relief when that good doctor told me she thought my baby was fine. I cried in the car on the way home. I cried when I picked up my son. I cried when I looked in the rearview mirror at my three healthy children because I am so, so grateful that they are healthy and ornery and full of life and that, for now, I don't have to live those seven minutes, that I am not "somebody else" today.

If you happen to be "somebody else", just now that you are being prayed for today.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Sunday, November 25, 2007

1.When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Can I drive Jacob to school without brushing my hair?

2.How much cash do you have on you? none

.3.What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR? floor

4.Do you label yourself? no

5.Bright or Dark Room? Depends, I like sunlight and refuse to turn the lights on during the day unless it is storming. My husband keeps all the rooms like airport runways after dark and I absolutely hate it, I prefer it at least a little less bright.

6.Why is there always a missing question?I don't get that....should I?

7.What does your watch look like? I have tons of watches. My favorite is a Mary Poppins watch I bought with my first real pay check, but it hasn't worked in some time, but my husband bought me a nice silver armitron watch at Kohls. It's nice, but I wear gold.

8.What were you doing at midnight last night? Nursing a baby, I'm sure.

9.Where is your nearest 7-11? We don't have 7 - 11 here.

10.What’s a word that you say a lot? shit

11.Who told you he/she loved you last? Jacob

12.Last furry thing you touched? Phoebe as she was curled up in bed with me

13.How many rolls of film do you need developed?I haven't used a film camera since I got the nice digital last year, but I did find an old disposable camera of Lauras when we were at the lake that I finished off and I need to have it developed, when I will ever get around to that is beyond me.

14.Favorite age you have been so far? 7

15.Your worst enemy? My neighbors. Horrible, horrible people

16.What is your current desktop picture? The boys in the bluebonnets last year.

17.What was the last thing you said to someone? Take your dirty clothes to the laundry room.

18.The last song you listened to? Just Like Heaven by The Cure

19.What time of day were you born? 12:36 pm

20.What do you do when vending machines steal your money? If I am at a place where someone is working I complain to them and get my money back.

21.Do you consider yourself kind?Yes, most of the time.

22.What’s your life motto? Leave my Elevator Alone.

23.Name three things you have on you at all times. Three pairs of diamond earrings.

24.Can you change the oil on a car? nope

25.When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? My college roommate died in 1999. Her mother and I have written letters back and forth about once a month since she wrote to tell me of her death back then.

Friday, November 23, 2007

1. Do you still have tonsils? – yes2. Would you bungee jump? – no way3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be? – I would sit back and earn money doing absolutely nothing. 4. How many tattoos do you have? – None, but I do intend to get one some day.5. Your favorite fictional animal? – Snuffleupagus 6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? – Will Farrell7. Do you consider yourself well organized? – I used to be extremely organized, but that's one trait I lost upon having the second child. 8. Any Addictions? – Soda9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? - Headline News10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? – Carnival11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? – a teacher12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? – I don't think I've seen any movies this year.13. Favorite alcoholic drink – Blue Moon beer14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? – Put my glasses on.15. Siblings? – I have one sister. The last time I spoke to her was in July. Not because of a riff, just because she never answers the phone. 17. Have you ever gone to therapy? – Yes. We've been to marriage counseling and it was extrememly helpful. If it weren't for the therapy lady I would be a single mother with only one child. 18. If you could have one super power what would it be? – The ability to make money hand over fist without lifting a finger. 19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? – Not anymore. 20. Have you ever gone camping? – Yes. Didn't care for it much. 21. Gas prices! First thought? – Stay home. 22. Your favorite cartoon character? – The Jetsons23. What was your first car? – 1986 Toyota Corolla. Slammed it into a hill, I did. 24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? – no, but I do think it isn't for everyone. 25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? – The Simpsons26. Do you go to church? – I should. 27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? – Paula Deen 28. What errand/chore do you despise? – Cleaning the bathrooms29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? – When will I ever sleep again? 30. Last time you puked from drinking? – My birthday31. What is your heritage? – Hell if I know. 32. Favorite flower? – crocuses33. Disney or Warner Bros? – Disney34. What is your best childhood memory? – Going to the candy store, aka the gas station, with my dad every Sunday afternoon35. Your favorite potato chip? – Cheetos. Do they count? 36. What is your favorite candy? – Lemonheads37. Do you burn or tan? – I have red hair and freckles. Do the math. 38. Astrological sign? – Virgo39. Do you own a gun? – Well, my dad bought one for me when I lived alone, but I have no idea what became of it. That's probably not good huh? 40. What do you think of hot dogs? – Hebrew National are the only ones worth eating.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I love Christmas, but there's so much work involved. The shopping, the decorating, the wrapping and unwrapping. Thanksgiving is great because there is nothing more than eating, being grateful, and parades. What's better than that?

We'll be leaving tonight to spend Thanksgiving at the lake with my parents. My mom has all the groceries ready for me to cook the meal early tomorrow. I love to cook, so I am looking forward to it. The weatherman says a cold front is coming so we might even be able to trade our shorts and tees for sweaters and jeans and I am looking forward to that also.

There's no such thing as high speed internet up that way, so I'll be leaving you with a variety of stolen, prewritten memes to get me through the holiday NaBloPoMo. I apologize in advance.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Yes, I realize it isn't even Thanksgiving, but have you seen the lines for Santa at our mall in December? Seeing Santa before we put up the tree is now our new tradition and apparently it's becoming everyone else's tradition as well because we still waited in line. On a Monday afternoon. I shudder to even think how busy old Santa will be this weekend.

Poor old Santa had his lap full this year. Adam was able to ask for his own toys this time (a truck in case you were wondering), Jacob taught Santa all about WebKinz and didn't ask for anything Thomas for the first time ever and I think I heard Elizabeth ask for a pair of shoes.

So now that Santa knows what everyone wants, he needs to get off his ass and start shopping.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Mommy Daisy tagged me for a Six Things About Me Meme. I know you are dying to know six more things about me so here goes:

1. I get along better with men than women. When I was in college I lived in a coed dorm for three years on the same floor with most of the same people. Most of those people were guys. They were easy to get along with, they watched out for me like a sister, and the lack of catty games was heavenly. I lived in an all girl dorm my first year and it was like night and day. I'd have disagreements with the guys and we'd argue tooth and nail, but we'd still be friends the next day. That never happened at the girl dorm.

2. I am a Pi Beta Phi (secret handshake to anyone else out there). I was, and still am, definitely not the sorority type, but I was a bit of a follower freshman year and my dad thought a sorority might help me get adjusted to school and look good to interviewers so I stuck with it. I pretty much went to the mixers and hung with the frat guys, but not in the same way the other girls did, I was always the little sister, drinking buddy, does-she-like-me go between and that was a-ok with me.

3. I love Alton Brown. You know, the dude on Food Network from Good Eats and Iron Chef and Feasting on Asphalt. He got me through many a colicky night. I secretly hope I run into him at restaurants around town and we can sit down and have some drinks and shoot the shit. The fact that we have both eaten at Mulates in New Orleans is some sort of degree of separation and we're practically friends now, right?

4. I have a serious addiction to WebKinz. Yeah, I like to think I'm doing it for my kid, but the games at the arcade call me like whiskey to an alcoholic. The good news is that my kid has tons of kinzcash all the time.

5. I have really, really bad eyesight. Even the Lasik doctor was impressed with my level of near-sightedness and since he's been performing that surgery for many years now, it must be pretty bad. Without my glasses, I can only see colors in front of me. I cannot wait for the Lasik.

6. I love cheesy movies. If it's up for an Academy Award, I probably won't like it. I can usually find all my faves in the five dollar bin at Wal-mart. If it has Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler in it, I own it. And FYI: I got the name Jacob from the movie Richer or Poorer and Adam from Blast From the Past. Virtual kudos to anyone who even knows who was in the movie Richer or Poorer.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Well, more like a phrase, but still, four words strung together to ask for something.

Hallelujah!

He's been receiving an hour of speech therapy once a week since July. In July he could say only five words: mama, dada, sister, cat, and choo-choo. Now, he's saying so many new words each day I can't even keep up. I've even had to tone down my traffic rants after he started calling all the trucks asses.

But at almost three years old he should be speaking in sentences.

I'm going to count that as a sentence.

My baby is finally talking. He was just waiting for something useful to say.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I moved back to West Virginia in 1998. The husband, although he wasn't the husband at the time, lived in the town twenty miles north of my old hometown and I decided to live in sin with him because my parents hotfooted it south three months earlier. I liked it there because I didn't know everyone like the hometown and, likewise, they didn't know me.

I took a job teaching gifted kids at an elementary school in town and got to know the teachers. I loved the teachers there and looked forward to lunch everyday to get the good gossip and learn more about my new hometown. I started getting bits and pieces about the fourth grade teacher's son being away at a college in Nashville and trying to make it as a singer. I wondered why she didn't put her foot down and make her kid major in something "real" and, honestly, imagined a long-haired, tattooed, honky-tonk singer making his way from bar to bar every weekend trying to make ends meet. Now, none of these teachers knew that I was living with a guy. I didn't think it would look good for the teacher to be shacking up, so I just omitted Derick from all conversation alltogether because I am not a very good liar. So when the fourth grade teacher came in one lunch to tell everyone her son would be home for a couple of weeks another of the teachers suggested she bring him in and introduce him to me because he was soooo cute and I was soooo single and oh, my golly, wouldn't we have a great time together! I had no idea how to get out of that one without giving myself away, so I finally just told them all that I had recently met someone and was not available for blind dates and that was that.

A couple of months later the whole town was all giddy crazy because the hometown boy had released his new CD and it was selling like hotcakes. I assumed it was just a little local CD until I was flipping through and caught the end of the "Who Needs Pictures" video on CMT and the name Brad Paisley flashed up and I eventually put two and two together and realized, duh, Mrs. Paisley's son! He wasn't hairy. He didn't look like a drunk barfly. He was cute. And selling CDs. All over the country. For lots of money. DOH!

So that's how I came thatclose to Brad Paisley and didn't even know it at the time.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

The white, round, porcelein thing in each of the bathrooms is a toilet. That hole in the middle is where you aim. That is where the pee goes. The pee does not go on the floor, in the tub, or on the walls. Aim for the hole.

That silver handle at the top of that toilet is very cool. If you press it, it makes a cool noise and you won't believe what happens to the water! You should try it sometime. Believe me, you won't be disappointed.

This letter is to officially inform you that, as of this moment, cleaning pee and flushing toilets is no longer a part of my job description. Please become familiar with the toilet technology as soon as possible so that you may take over these tasks. Thank you.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

This morning I watched the new Brad Paisley video that was taped in my old hometown a couple of months ago.

It was good. I enjoyed it. It showed the Eighth Street sign. I used to live on Eighth Street. I thought that was exciting so I ran and got Jacob and showed it to him and then I got all teary sad remembering Eighth Street.

Eighth Street was fun. I didn't realize it at the time, but it really was. My best friend was across the street. I could walk to work. There was nothing better than watching my friend's kids love on our doofus dog or wave at me from their front steps. I miss the mailman actually dropping the mail on our porch and snow days and the fricking Big Lots. I miss my friends and my family and my old white house. I could barely see to drive my kid to school for the tears.

But then it dawned on me.

Did they just show the corner of Eighth Street on that video?

I lived near the corner of Eighth Street.

DAMMIT! Could my dream of Brad Paisley knocking on my front door have come true and I wasn't inmy house to live it?

Monday, November 12, 2007

So far so good, but I'm starting to feel like those girls on that air freshener commercial who agreed to write a song for the thirty days the thing kept working. Hmmm.....what can I write about next?

I got all three kids dressed and ready before the 7:45 deadline this morning, loaded them all into the car, turned the key and got nothing. That car was dead, man. There I was, dressed and hair combed, all wasted because I unloaded my mini-crew and scrapped school today. We've actually had a pretty good day. Jacob helped me clean the toy room without one complaint. He also dusted and swept the floors and folded towels. I was all patting myself on the back at how well I have taught him to help out around the house when he mentioned his real motive: Santa. Hey, if the bearded one keeps my house picked up for the next month, I'm all for it. I really have enjoyed his company today, so much so that I was imagining what it would be like if I scrapped school for the rest of the year and homeschooled him. Then Adam and Elizabeth both pooped all over everything at the exact same time and I came back to reality and realized no way, not now.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

He adores sushi, actually. He would divorce me and marry it if he could.

The kids and I, not so much.

Yesterday he went to the fancy grocery store and picked up a load of sushi for his lunch and asked his mother if she'd like to have some too and she said she'd try anything. Heck yeah, because she tried my brie and couldn't get enough of that, figured sushi must be just as tasty.

So he fixes them both a plate of sushi and he explained the pickled ginger to her and she tried it and liked it. What he forgot to explain to her, though, was the wasabi.

Friday, November 09, 2007

When you sit down as a family to eat, does everyone just go to their place?

We do here. I mean, no one assigned seats or anything, but we just all sit in the same place every time. It's the same thing at my mom's house or at the lake. You just know where your place is.

When my mother-in-law arrived last week and we prepared to break bread together for the first time, she went to my chair. No big deal, really, as she doesn't know where we sit and, honestly, I'm not that much of a shrew, it's just a chair, but the husband stopped her dead in her tracks and pointed her to another seat and let her know that it was my spot and she'd need to move, and she did. Then.

Since then, though, she has transformed my place into her own personal communication center. The next day she spread out her bible, her notebooks, her writing pads and pens, her address book, and our phone and neatly organized it into her place. She's there pretty much all day long talking on the phone, writing letters to her friends, and reading. In my place. At first she'd move everything at meal time, but now, it stays and she stays and I end up eating in the corner with an aloe vera plant poking at my head. It really does feel like this is her passive/aggressive way of pushing me aside and making herself front and center and I don't like that. The chair she can have. I just don't like her taking over my whole place.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

It makes me really wish we lived close enough so that she'd never have to spend the night, but at the same time, I am so very glad we live so far away so I don't have to deal with her on a regular basis.

I am just very ready for this visit to be over.

She broke a picture frame trying to straighten my pictures.

She let Adam paint himself with non-washable paint when she was supposed to be "watching him".

She yelled at Jacob for hugging her while she was eating.

She dragged Adam into the house by his neck when he followed her outside.

She piled all her smoky clothes into Elizabeth's crib stinking it all up.

She hates my dog.

She ate all of my brie.

Yeah, I'm a big baby. I really wanted that brie.

The good news is she is leaving next Tuesday. I knew she wouldn't be able to last three weeks. The kids are driving her nuts and ruining her "vacation".

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Currently, she's tying up our phone line calling every single person she knows back home to let them know she's in Texas. It's hot in Texas. And her daughter in law ain't too friendly, but she can cook.

She's on hold now so her elderly aunt can go to the bathroom.

Thank goodness for cell phones.

She woke up at 4 a.m. How do I know this? She barreled into our bedroom and made her way to our bathroom, MY bathroom, and went about her business. Loudly. She went out of her way to the other side of the house to use MY bathroom rather than the clean one right next to Elizabeth's room in which she is currently residing. My husband didn't see anything wrong with that. There go another two vertebrae.

Guess who gets to stay home alone with her all afternoon. Come on, guess!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Even as a child, I just never understood why in the world people would want to knock on their neighbor's door and beg for candy. It boggles the mind, really. A holiday where we ask our neighbors for outrageously priced goodies and if they don't oblige, we vandalize their property and the cops take a vacation for a night. I still don't get it.

But of course, if everyone else is doing it.....

Anyway, in case you didn't already know it, Halloween is NOT my favorite holiday. Maybe I'd like it in a nicer neighborhood, but I just don't enjoy a day where the hoodlums are actually allowed to cause a ruckus. And the fact that I used the word ruckus, just shows you how old and unHalloweeny I've become.

We took the kids to the church for the annual shindig. Thankfully, we were not involved in the handing out of candy this year, so I didn't have to educate the urban youth on the value of politeness and good manners. I did feel sorry for the poor saps who did though. I mean, how freaking hard would it be to have your kids say thank you to the old people funding their sugar high? And again, please respect the No scary costume sign. If I wanted my kid to see someone with open guts or ten year old prostitutes, we would have trick-or-treated at the trauma center downtown. I am surprised that we were neither egged nor poop-bagged this year, because when we returned home the begging was still in full force and we spent the evening trodding around in the dark since we had no candy, didn't want to keep the kids up, and dang, shouldn't Halloween have a time limit? If we turned on a light, the kids (and adults) were drawn like moths and kept ringing the bell as if they would just melt on the doorstep if they didn't get one more fricking candy bar. Have you tried bathing a baby in the dark? It ain't easy. Yeah, Halloween isn't my favorite holiday.

But I had a banana and bananas are delicious:

How can it be Halloween again? We still have candy leftover from last year. I remember only having boys to wrestle last year. Only two. How did we make it without the girl?

Thursday, November 01, 2007

NaBloPoMo. I am going to post every day in November. Just like everything else I sign up for, I imagine all the fun it will be, then it sneaks up on me and I realize, what the hell did I get myself into?

No, it will be fun. Really. If it kills me.

So, you thought I'd start off with the Halloween recap didn't you?

Not so much. I'll get to it, but not today.

Do you see this?

This is where my son slept last night.

In an unmade bed with a sleeping bag and a mattress pad for covers. Not even a pillowcase, poor guy.

I washed Jacob's sheets yesterday. I did not, however, replace them onto the bed as my husband assured me with many false promises that if he bought the bunk bed, he would take care of all bedding issues for the top bunk.

I let him know three, no maybe four, times yesterday evening that the bed needed made before bedtime. He had to have seen it as he read books to the boys in there before they went to sleep. I stupidly assumed it had been taken care of. I was wrong. I could not believe when I went in this morning to wake my child and saw him curled up on that old, uncovered pillow on top of a bare mattress!

I guess we are in the middle of a sheet standoff because I am sure he is expecting me to do it today and, honestly, I can't. I have no earthly clue how to make that damn bed. It's hard. I won't do it. I did not want that stupid bed. I will not make that bed. I want the old bed back. The bunk bed sucks.

Don't worry. I won't make him sleep like that another night. He can sleep in Elizabeth's room, so I guess that means Mamaw will have to sleep at a motel. Awww.

How I Got Here

All my life I thought I'd be the perfect mother. I even majored in it. I aced all the child development classes I took toward my degree in, wait for it, Early Childhood Development and Elementary Education.
And then they were born. First Jacob, who is 8, then Adam, who is 4, and our biggest surprise, Elizabeth who is 2.
As much as I really wanted to be, I am finding out I am no June Cleaver. For starters, The Beav never had a baby sister.