MamaBlogger365 – Me and Chelsea Down by the Schoolyard by Shira Adler, Diva Mama

Chelsea Handler’s million-selling paperback My Horizontal Life, was a gift from my honey. The intention was more than fluff summer reading but to serve as research since I am outlining and writing my own book. Like every writer I know, I find this process daunting, frustrating and exciting at the same time. But when I cracked open the cover and dove into Chelsea’s book about her one-night stands, I found it strangely inviting and familiar — as if some of her experiences were similar to what I could have written myself.

And that’s when it hit me. Her book and my in-progress wanna-be version are all about personal power and for me, this is what being a Diva is all about.

No matter where we are on our journey and what is going on in our lives, the most important thing is to maintain a connection to our heart’s desire and not give our personal power over to anyone.

The sad part (not that I’m one to succumb to judgment) is just how frequently in my own history, I have justified my actions and presented myself as being “in charge” of my choices, but really, I have just given my power over and over, and over again. I had a dating history as varied as Chelsea’s (though she can’t beat me on marriages). But how many times during those countless flybys or actual relationships did I truly stand up for my own personal boundaries?

Reminders of life lessons come at the strangest times. One minute I am reading about Chelsea’s escapades on ChocolateSingles.com and the next, I am transported to my own dalliances that I am less than pleased with; not because it was the physical connection I regret, but because it was an emotional abuse I didn’t stand up against.

There was the time I suddenly quit a high school summer job at a record store when the manager, who was aptly nicknamed Soup (his last name was a specific brand — think condensed), tried to promote me privately in his office. Then there was the time I transferred schools after my freshman year, because the co-ed I was madly in love with had engaged in a surprise and certainly non-consensual experience during a nightmarish version of sleepwalking. The scary part was that I didn’t transfer schools because I was afraid of him. Well, not entirely. I changed my life because I was afraid of my own lack of ability to stay away from him if I remained anywhere in the northern part of the state.

There were later experiences: one at the hand of a sole practitioner attorney I worked for in Los Angeles; a grandfatherly former record company exec who wanted more than fresh coffee when he arrived in the morning; and the synagogue president who couldn’t start the High Holy Day service of Kol Nidrei without giving his “favorite Cantor a little squeeze.” I left that pulpit despite having a signed contract for the following year. I blamed my crazy divorce from the psychotic X-3 but trust me, this incident didn’t help. It wasn’t a safe environment for me.

Each and every time I was faced with a situation like this, I gave my power away. But today, while I sat reading the opening chapters of Chelsea Handler’s book, I was reminded that I don’t do that anymore. I don’t need to give “it” away for free — not my self-esteem, integrity, power, body, desire or heart. I can be bawdy, sacred, honest, flirty, vibrant, sexy, powerful, headstrong, sensual and anything else I damn well please. I can one day finish writing the one-woman cabaret show about a gal addicted to online dating and I can laugh at my own former escapades but marvel at the grown-up, wiser, stronger, surer ME that I am today. Reading Chelsea’s book, I was reminded that my life has more than its fair share of interesting, varied, hysterical, tender and painful moments that are definitely worth sharing with a wider audience.

My honey, an amazing writer, producer, editor and often my collaborator, thinks my book will be a high vibe version of Chelsea’s trash talkin’ romps. He can’t wait to read the stranger-than-fiction details of my book. Neither can I. Now all I have to do is finish writing it.

BIO: By day Shira Adler is a cantor, spiritual vocalist, certified pastlife regressionist, voice-over artist, producer, performer, writer/blogger and mompreneur and by night… well, she is actually the same person at night though she does admit to wearing fuzzy socks when no one can see her and hiding a secret stash of Mallomars somewhere near her writing desk for those late night pick-me-ups. In, around, and between her various work activities, she is raising two beyond-the-spectrum children as a single mom (though lovingly gives a shout out to her best friend, editor and soulmate whom she considers the bees knees). Is it any wonder her website’s tag line is One Voice Many Paths? Seriously, look up the definition of a multi-tasking Mama and you will find her picture there. But when it comes to living a life of connection, faith and consciousness Shira is the gal to call — or if you’re fresh out of Mallomars — she’s always happy to give you one. For more information visit: ShiraAdler.com, read her blog at Diva-Mama.com; Social: Twitter (1DivaMama), Facebook (DivaMama1), Tumblr (not really sure, but the name is cute) and LinkedIn (because doesn’t everyone?).