Archive for December, 2011

This morning I woke up into a crisis.
After the initial mental breakdown brought on by 6 positive pregnancy tests, I have really felt quite excited and positive about the Blueberry. I would even say motherly. However, things have been brewing in the back of my mind and it all came unleashed this morning.

I am a morning person. Frankly I am a machine in the morning. I get 85% of my todo things done before noon. So, when David woke up I wasted no time introducing him into the situation…”David, kids are inconvenient.” This post-modernist version of “good morning” was followed by a fury of things that we will not be able to just pick up and go do because we will have a little critter in tow. Next act was an Oscar-performance of “The Terrible Mother” which featured favorites such as “I dont know how to change a diaper”, “I dont know how to give the baby a bath”, “I dont know how to swaddle”, etc.

David listened carefully but instead of an ovation he pulled up YouTube. At this point the conversation moved from the bedroom to the kitchen table where as a masterpiece of distraction I decided to organize our Halloween candy leftovers.
So, there I was sitting with neat piles of M&Ms and Skittles while David played me instructional clips on diaper changing, swaddling, etc…
The situation was improving….UNTIL…I decided that I wanted to learn about the intricacies of baby bathing. We watched a video and I truly felt enlightened. Excited, I asked for a second one–to help sink in the newly found knowledge.
However, the second mother washed her baby completely differently. Her steps were in different order. Her approach opposite. She proposed to wash the hair last not first. She disapproved of the use shampoo AND she did not have her hand supporting the baby from the back.
My foundation was being rocked to its very core.
Then…from stage left enters the Qtip!!!!!! I jumped as if she pulled out a chain saw. After all, the first mother specifically and strongly warned against the dangers of Qtip use! She recommended a corner of a wet cloth wipe to clean the baby’s ears.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
What am I to believe??????????
How will my child survive??????

Of course, neither mother was thorough enough to post any “later-in-life” update. So, I am left to wonder if baby1 is deaf because its ears got clogged with gunk or baby 2 is deaf because a Qtip pierced its ear drum and probably got stuck in its brain.

I made the purchase.
Like a woman on a mission I waltzed into Gap Baby(Maternity)–my old ways of Gap Body clearly forsaken. I girded my loins and picked up the first pair of elastic band jeans I saw and about 5 tops (for moral support). I crept into a changing room and sat down facing the jeans. It was really quite crowded in there with this 300 pound gorilla. I had a bite of emergency chocolate and pulled the plug.
It really was not so bad. Quite comfy really.
I felt brave enough to even open one eye and step out of the changing room to review.
At this very moment a gorgeous blonde glided by my door asking a shop assistant if they had the the dark wash skinny jeans in size 0 as 2 were too baggy.
I slammed the door, pulled up my phone, and spent next 5 minutes looking up fat celebrities. I cant stand Roseanne when she opens her mouth but I sure enjoy looking at her.
With renewed courage, I called for a shop assistant to get me every pair of maternity jeans they had. Many minutes/hours later I had THEM. Yes, they had the band, yes, they were 70 bucks (!!! never EVER spent that much on pants)…BUT they were size 4. And that is all that mattered. If I had known that Gap Maternity secretly has vanity sizing, I would have been shopping there for years.
So, all is well. I am poor but vain as ever. Aaaaah. Such a warm and fuzzy feeling.

-owes USD 4500
-lives till 72
-is 5′ 6” tall
-weighs 165 lbs
-eats about 1 ton of food per year
on which he/she spends USD 4000
breakdown: 90 lbs pork, 50 lbs chicken, 11 lbs chocolate
-drinks 43 gallons of beer and 260 cups of tea
-produces 884 lbs of waster, of which he/she sorts 92 lbs
-walks a mile a day
-takes the train 17 times a year
-uses up 186 gallons of gas a year
-smokes 2071 cigarettes a year
-makes love 6 times a month
-flagellates 14 times a day
-smiles 13 times a day (small children smile 400 times a day, fyi)
-gambles away USD 500
-spends USD 900 on vacation
-spends USD 400 on Christmas
-watches TV for 3.25 hrs a day
-reads 17 books a year

I did it.
I bought a very cute magenta sweater and a dark salmon long-sleeve shirt…to wear 3 months from now.
Of course the purpose was to buy elastic band jeans….to wear right now.
Hmmm.
Will try again tomorrow.

I am officially registered for classes! Am taking 15 credits of nothing but accounting. Nerd shangri-la. Classes are only Mon-Thurs. So, the plan is to drive up Mon-Wed and then sleep over Wed at either Jennie’s or Jaynie’s. I
I am still not sure about the fellowship schedule but it will be Mon-Thurs as well.
One heck of an adventure.

Celtics lost yesterday…waaah.
To Miami………………..waaaaaaah.
The Lakers won………..waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

The blueberry is 13 weeks.
It is 3 inches long–the size of a medium shrimp. The website must have ran out of fruit. Last week it was a lime and this week it is a medium shrimp. I hope they at least find an appropriate veggie for next week. I dont like the idea of carrying a prawn.

Anywho, the blueberry now has fingerprints! How crazy is that.

Re: cravings…Subway BLT is continuing to be a staple (especially around 9:30 am). I bought 40 pounds of oranges so David spends his free time juicing them for me. Blueberry loves fresh OJ (especially around 2 am). I am also on a peach kick. Costco sells peaches in glass jars (pregnant women should avoid canned food) and they have become my all-day snack of choice.

BTW, the Blueberry got 3 Christmas gifts–a teddy bear, wooden building blocks, and an apron with a frog. David bought the apron because he knows I cannot wait for the blueberry to cook with me.

I am making a brocolli chowder today. I wish Blueberry could help me stir.

Oh….We find out the sex on February 10th!!! And then…Baby Gap marathon. I seriously experience actual pain when I see cute baby clothes and I can’t buy them because I dont know if I should buy pink or blue.

Speaking of clothes…I can still fit in all my tops and dresses just fine but pants are becoming an issue. I am absolutey terrified of buying elastic band pants. Such a sin against cutoure! But then again running around with a zipper undone is also hardly polished.
J.Crew had a fantastic sale over the weekend. With no maternity line, I did not buy anything. I ate a bar of chocolate instead. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Banana Republic also has no maternity line. This made me think that before the Blueberry that is exactly why I loved these stores–there was nothing “mommy” about their styles. A dress from Banana Republic does not say, “You want me to be the mother of your children.” It says, “I look smoking hot in this dress and you still wish I took it off.”
It ought to be noted that I am typing this while dressed in Christmas pjs with a moose on my shirt.

So, some of you might think that I have been slacking off but I have actually been writing blog posts. I just have not been finishing them.
But I’d better start from scratch…
Quick Czech trip update:
Mom was unavailable most of the time, so I got to hang out with Dad a ton. He would leave for work early in the morning and I would come and walk with him back home in the afternoon. We worked on projects around the house. Got a ton done. I am someone for whom the fact that my parents are aging is absolutely incomprehensible. I just dont get it. I want them to have the energy they have always had. So, I spent quite a bit of time scrubbing, organizing, and rearranging, etc. The house was spotless and OCD-happy when I left.
Dad’s addiction to angry birds is growing strong. He even plays a few rounds when he gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Could I be prouder?
We went on an awesome trip to Dresden to see the Christmas market. I love Christmas markets!!!! The atmosphere is so warm and strong it is like a shawl.
Ooooh…I got a massage…a “pre-mama” massage at a Thai spa. They are very thorough–even my boobies got massaged!!! (Might have actually been my first lesbian adventure…I decided I was fine with that because my boobies have not hurt since )

Back in UT:
Jetlag.
Jetlag.
Jetlag.

On Thursday we had a blueberry doc appointment and got to hear the heartbeat!!! The blueberry seems to be doing fabulous. David thinks it is exercising.

Then on Friday it was decided that Litster Christmas was going to be at our house. This was about the fifth plan change and my head was spinning. Luckily, OCD keeps the house clean and cooking for masses is my forte. So, I braved Macey’s and Target while David was sent to Costco and Wal-Mart. I frankly think that he has been scarred for life–holiday shopping aint for the weak.
Jonnie slept over Friday night because the 24th is his bday and I was throwing him a bday bfast. I made Dutch Baby (his favorite), sausages, and hasbrowns with fresh-squeezed OJ. He was in heaven. Jennie joined us as well.
I spent the rest of the day at the stove. And that is how I want it. No shopping. Just cooking and chatting.
I made vanocka (a traditional Czech egg bread–with a quarter baked into it for prosperity), a roast, green beans, mashed potatoes, and chicken soup.
Dinner was at 5. I explained Czech traditions and we dove in. (Our table was wrapped in a chain, so that the family would stay together all next year, etc.)
After dinner we tried several Czech fortune telling and superstition techniques–slicing apples (for health), stepping on a hatchet (to break leg pain)….
Then we lit the candles and fire crackers on the Christmas tree (well-watered). It was perfect.

The boys went up to SLC to watch Jennie’s concert while I crashed.

I must also mention that I did not miss out on my parents’ Christmas as we Skyped while they opened their Christmas gifts that I brought over. It was FANTASTIC.

Christmas Day, David and I woke up early and wrapped gifts. David took charge of the stockings. He was adorable–laying them by his sleeping siblings. Awwww.
After breakfast (baked French toast), we read Luke 2 and opened our presents.

David and I spent all our $$$ on a DSLR Canon Camera. And then all our Christmas gift cash on a keyboard piano. I think we are officially mormon now–a piano in the living room and a baby in my tummy.
David gave his family a DVD of 6,000 pictures that he has been scanning and tagging for the 4 months. It was a mega project but he really put his whole heart into it. I am so proud of him.

It really was a lovely Christmas with everyone with us in our small basement. I do admit that I slept thru all of Monday though. Jetlag and pregnancy take toll on my energy level.

Well, it is Tuesday morning, David is going back to work and I need to tackle some cleaning, bills, and shopping.

Well, I am in the Czech Republic. It is 2 am and my jetlag is in full swing.

For Christmas David got my Dad a tablet. While the other gifts are going under the Christmas tree, I already gave him the tablet so I could coach him while I am here–read: so I could watch him being blown away.
Dad is absolutely mesmerized. I am not sure I will be able to find another reaction like that until I introduce the blueberry to the magic of Excel.
Dad has huge, strong hands but he is so gentle with the tablet, it actually has hard time detecting his touch. Discovering Google Translate was like landing on the Moon. After decades spent as a translator to be able to dictate and have his words automatically translated is shangri la. Yes, the translation is hardly perfect but the options are limitless.
We also dictated an email, played a movie, looked at pictures, listened to music, browsed the web, wasted time on youtube…you name it.
Still, the most precious moment for me was when Dad was introduced to Angry Birds. The stars aligned for him just like they did for me. The world stopped, he became one with the universe and finally understood the meaning of human existance–an Angry Birds marathon into eternity. I think he might retire early. And I am definitely getting him a stuffed angry bird for his bday. The red one is his favorite.

David always makes sure that Dad is the coolest geek in town. Dad was the first one to get a 16GB USB, an 8 port USB hub, an iPod, a wireless mouse, a 500GB mini hard drive…the list goes on. And now Dad is the first to get a tablet and a 32 GB SD card. He cannot wait to go to work Monday. I am not really sure how much work will get done though.

I am swept by this song by Chistina Perri. Yes, I like her voice. Yes, I like the music. But most of all, I have finally found the words I have spent years searching for.
I go to bed before David every night. Sometimes hours earlier. And every single night he puts me to bed. He lies down, I cuddle up and put my head in My Spot on his shoulder, and he puts his arms around me until I melt into sleep.
As I close my eyes and take in the grasp of his arms, the beat of his heart, and the scent of his body I look for words to describe the happiness, safety, and love I feel.
Well, now I have found the words…
“You put your arms around me and I am home.”

David, I am yours.

Lyrics: Arms by Christina Perri.

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I’m home

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around
I can’t decide if I’ll let you save my life or if I’ll drown

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, ’cause I’m already falling
I’ll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I’m home

The world is coming down on me and I can’t find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, ’cause I’m already falling
I’ll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I’m home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I’ve never opened up
I’ve never truly loved ‘Till you put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, ’cause I’m already falling
I’ll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I’m home

It is 3:30 pm. I am all dressed up for a class presentation that is the culmination of a semester-long project but it is not horizon value that is on my mind…my mind, body, and soul is being consumed by imminent starvation. I had my daily subway at 1 o’clock but now 2.5 hours later I am seconds away from devouring a chap stick.
Stupidly I left my emergency chocolate stash in my winter coat that I haughtily left at home as it did not go with my fancy attire.
HELP. HELP. HELP.

About

I am a somewhat abnormal guy. And by that I mean that I have a degree in computer science. Which by itself is very unnatural. So if sometimes I speak words that are absolutely unintelligible to you, don't worry. It's all part of my condition, and I'll stop blabbering about computers soon.