Because meteorite jewelry is like, so steamy hot (think ice cubes on your nips after a scalding shower) right now, here's a $4,200 gold and meteorite ring featuring all the planets of the solar system represented in different precious stones. And speaking of precious stones -- look at this piece of onyx I picked up on a hike this weekend. "That's a dog turd." You sure? I tried scratching it and-- "Got pieces of it under your fingernail?" I...thought onyx was soft like talc.

This ring features a complete band of Gibeon Meteorite framed and mounted in an 18k gold band. The meteorite has been etched with nitric acid to reveal the characteristic patterns, or Widmanstatten figures, of iron meteorites, and set with 9 gemstones representing the planets of our Solar System. Mercury is represented by a rust colored Sapphire, Venus a golden Sapphire, Earth an irradiated blue Diamond, Mars a Ruby, Jupiter an Opal, Saturn a Cats Eye Chrysoberyl with an inlaid 24k gold ring, Uranus a green Sapphire, Neptune a blue Sapphire and Pluto a black Diamond. What really makes this ring special is that the band of meteorite spins independent of the gold ring, so when it is on, the planets rotate around the wearer's finger.

Did you read that? They included Pluto! I knew some people hadn't given up on him. Don't you worry bro -- we're gonna get your planet classification reinstated ASAP. "Hurry -- Uranus has been making fun of me." What the -- you tell that jerk he was named after his own butthole.

Thanks to lizzy, who claims she touched the One Ring once even though I know she didn't and is a DIRTY ELVEN SWINDLER! Kidding, she's human and I'm sure very pleasant (and probably not sending any more tips).