Dove Created Body Wash To Celebrate Diversity And NOPE It Did Not Go Over Well

Diversity is a good thing, but not when you’re force-feeding it to people for the sake of appearing “woke.” Take Dove’s limited-edition body washes, for example:

See how the bottles are all varying lumpy shapes and sizes? That’s because Dove has decided that pandering to “real women”…

(This, by the way, is a valid marketing strategy that people don’t realize is preying directly to their insecurities by saying “Hey, those Victoria’s Secret models you see in the commercials?? You don’t have to look like that. You can be fat, square, skinny or ANYTHING and you are still beautiful :)))).” Does Dove actually give a shit about your lack of self-esteem? No. They care about profits, and if telling women that not being the spitting image of Miranda Kerr is okay and sells soap, then obviously they are going to do it.)

…isn’t doing enough to boost sales, so now they’ve moved onto pandering to “real women” who find their shampoo bottles to be offensively thin, i.e. no one.

“From curvaceous to slender, tall to petite, and whatever your skin color, shoe size or hair type, beauty comes in a million different shapes and sizes. Our six exclusive bottle designs represent this diversity: just like women, we wanted to show that our iconic bottle can come in all shapes and sizes too,” the Dove UK website explains, completely unaware that they almost 100% proved my point since no company would bother making six differently shaped bottles in the name of “diversity” unless they thought it would increase profits.

Speaking as a WOMAN with WOMANLY FEELINGS and a MENSTRUAL CYCLE and OVARIES, you’ve got to be dumb as fuck to buy into this. I’m all for loving yourself and accepting who you are as a person, but it gets annoying when that sentiment gets spun into a marketing campaign disguised as a social movement. It’s getting old. Dove is basically that guy at the bar who waits around until the end of the night and then takes home whatever is left. “Oh, she’s not fat!” he reasons to his friends, “She is curvy. She is beautiful. SHE IS A REAL WOMAN™ AND I APPRECIATE HER AND HER BODY FOR ITS UNIQUENESS AND INNER BEAUTY.” Once back at her place, he then steals all her money after she falls asleep. He also uses the last of the toilet paper in the bathroom and doesn’t replace the roll before he dips out, because fuck you.

See, Dove doesn’t care about you – Dove is just tryna fuck and run.

Most people saw right through the campaign and called Dove on their bullshit:

Ignoring all the pandering, the stupid ad, the fact that we’ve reached a point in society where companies are like “Can shampoo bottles body shame people? No? Well, let’s fake like they can and see if we can create a market for body-positive shampoo bottles” – assuming all the bottles hold the same amount of shampoo, who is going to pick the fat bottle over the skinny bottle? Be as body positive as you want, but not a single person on this planet is going to look at these and be like “I feel EMPOWERED because Dove made a fat shampoo bottle for chunky monkeys like me. THANKS DOVE.”

As of right now the campaign is still active – but with so many people shitting on the concept, it’s only a matter of time until it either gets pulled, or Tumblr jumps onboard and starts shitting on it for only using white bottles.

Just kidding, it only took us >24 hours to hit that point. Welcome to 2017: no one is ever happy and nothing is ever good enough. Deal with it.

Would you buy a body positive shampoo bottle? Tell us why not in the comments.