Question

How do or when is it a good time to say no?

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I have a two month old daughter and i recently started school again and i go to work evenings on the weekend. While i go to school, my inlaws take care of my daughter and thats usually a monday through thursday thing. Usually that is the only time i want her to be there other than visits but my mother inlaw will tell my husband to ask me if she can sleep over or stay over with out me and her father there and its really hard to say no to someone who has supported you throughout your pregnancy. Sometimes i just want my daughter to say home with me. I love the help and everything but i feel like its a little too much for a two month baby, and i feel like shes not going to recognize me, her mother.

Mom Answers

When people challenge your right to make decisions as a parent, especially of such a young baby, a good diplomatic way to handle it is to tell them that you are following the advice of your pediatrician. You could tell them that the baby's doctor recommends that in this early stage the baby needs to spend as much time with her mother as possible (which is true). Your presence is needed especially during the night, since sleep habits are an important factor in a child's development and the parents have a key role in providing a stable environment during the baby's sleep. If you insist on this based on the doctor's advice, they cannot raise too many objections.

Let her know that you appreciate all of the help she's giving you, but there need to be some boundaries set. Decisions and visits are made by your husband AND you. A sllep over at 2 months seems a little silly. Your baby isn't ready for a sleepover w/o mommy and daddy. She's your child. You get to decide when you want to spend time with your baby. Take all the time you need to bond with your daughter and don't let your mother in law push her way in. Four days out of the week is more than some parents get with joint custody...she should be happy with that. Please don't wait to speak up. I've been battling my mother in law with her lack of respect for boundaries and our wishes for 7 years now... I hope you have better luck! Be firm in what you believe.

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