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Demystifying the Path of Depression

Walking the path of depression is probably the best gift Spirit has given me. The opportunity for growth is extreme. However, not everyone goes through depression the same way. It can take some longer than others to heal. There is no magic pill anyone can take to rid themselves of this mental illness. You cannot “snap out of it” or “make it go away with positive thinking” and as my friend Mel Horrod cleverly said this week in a conversation about demystifying depression and it’s stigma:

Just pull your socks up’, was something I heard over and over again when I was ill. I couldn’t even get the socks into the washing machine, let alone put them on and pull them up!

Humor aside, many, including me (at one time) have judged another suffering from this, at times, debilitating mental illness, and made assumptions on how they are not doing enough to heal themselves. Well today, I know this is bullshit!

Even as I continue the healing process myself, with my meds and therapy, there are still others who think they have the “magical cure” and now I am speaking up. Don’t get me wrong, when others offer advice, I know it doesn’t come from dark place, comments and advice are often well intended in order to help the person with clinical depression, and even though their words are coming from a place of love, sometimes, words, just make it worse.

Now, let me reiterate, that there is a HUGE difference between being depressed, and actually having a diagnosis of clinical depression. When I google: define depressed this is what comes up:

de·pressed/diˈprest/

Adjective:

(of a person) In a state of general unhappiness or despondency.

(of a person) Suffering from clinical depression.

Don’t let depression define you!

Know the difference!

Synonyms:

dejected – sad – despondent – low-spirited – downcast

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Courtesy of taram.carbonmade.com

Everyone gets “depressed” every once and awhile, however, not everyone suffers from clinical depression, bipolar disorder, or any other disorder in the mental illness spectrum. It is important to know the difference and act accordingly. No one wants to suffer alone in silence! Yet, the pains, aches, and overwhelming thoughts can be very scary. One wants to chase them away…

Yet, in order to heal the pain, you must feel the pain!

So, read as many self-help books you want, post 1000 post it notes in your house with positive affirmations, listen to up-beat music, however, this is not the cure for depression, and this is where many of us get frustrated. Sure these are all tools, and I use them all the time, but, there are times, when all I want to do is cry!

Why can’t I be happy like everyone else? ITS NOT FAIR!

Because, you cannot will yourself to be happy when clinically depressed. It just doesn’t work! Oh.. yes, on some days it can, but others, one just has to wrap themselves up in a cosy blanket with all their favorite books, journals, music and maybe even a stuffy or your trusty cat or dog, and just be. Feeling those emotions are painful, yes, letting them well up without pushing them away is the most challenging part.. You’d think it is torture!! Yet, this is the best way to heal.

Surround yourself with cheerleaders

Take clinical depression seriously. Have tons of cheerleaders, those who have been through it, or those who really want to listen without telling you what to do. Also, have a therapist you can trust, yes I know they cost money, but if you cannot afford one, keep calling help centers or community centers near you until someone listens!! Do not take NO for an answer.. and if you are too weak to do so, ask your “go to” person to help!

The dreaded “pill”

Medication is an option only you can decide. I was totally against medication for years. I have a son who has ADHD, and trust me, I tried everything before resorting to giving him meds, now he takes his dose of Concerta every day, but only when he is in school. For me, the meds came when I found this most amazing Therapist, she eased me into the idea for weeks, without giving me an ultimatum. The decision had to come from me and me only. I was very afraid of medication since I had a bag experience with Paxil 11 years ago, and I was afraid of negative side effects. So I started taking low doses gradually increasing month after month. Right now I am on 15mg of Celexa, and its working just fine. I have no idea if I will have to take the pills for 1 year, 2 years or all my life, what I know for sure is, the pills have created a bridge between the darkness and the light, and I see the benefits now.

The journey is your own, and yours only. No one can tell you what is best for you only you know in the deepest part of your spirit. Listen to that, and if depression is numbing that part of you, and you cannot hear what it is saying… be still.. it too shall pass. I am not saying to only hear what you want to hear, there are times when one needs to be shaken’ up a little! Yet for this, there is a time and place.

In the Arms of the Angels

If I had only one wish when everything was dark, and I felt alone in the world, and sometimes I even feel this today. I would have wished for a loved one to come, sit, read a book and NOT say a word when my tears started to flow. I would have loved a hug, a snuggle or a pat on the back… The presence of the person, not the “advice” is what I would have needed at the time, and there are days, like yesterday, when I felt that too. Yet, I am so blessed to have those friends, who in spirit, came to me every day, and offered me love and support. I have a mom who still calls me every night a 7! A dad who comes when I call, and I don’t call him enough.

I have my angels! My guides and my spirits!

I felt those loving warm arms of my late grandmother, and the warmth of my spirit guides whispering in my ears.

Love, in fact, is what held me tight… without love there would have been no light… Just like today, when I saw a glimpse of the sun, after days and days for rain and cloud, giving me just a tad of rays to brighten my day before the clouds rolled over it again, the love I received, even in small doses, the self-love and care I gave myself, I know there is more to come.

There will be sun, but there will be rain, and there will be storms, tornadoes and rainbows! Just that when depression hits, it is the storms that envelop us, so please, just be there .. just be. No need to cheer me up.. no need to “fix” me.. just tell me “I love you” and all is well.

Because, in fact, I love you too, and if someone you love is depressed, now you know how you can help. Read them a story, offer to wash their hair, get them flowers, cook them a dinner, or just curl up with a book and watch them sleep.. Its is the most loving thing you will ever do!!

Thank you so much for mentioning our post on Identifying Depressiion in the Elderly. Because the symptoms can manifest differently than in younger adults, it can sometimes be difficult for others to recognize senior depression, which makes it harder to get the proper help. Thanks again for the mention. You have a great blog and I look forward to reading more of it!

You are so welcome. Raising awareness in every aspect of depression in the young, middle aged, and elderly is SO important. Keep on doing what you are doing and looking forward to reading your blog again soon.:)

I know from personal experience both past and recent that depression can be debilitating, but as you pointed out, it is an excellent opportunity for growth. I have Bipolar Depression, and take as few pills as possible to keep me managed. I have a wonderful psychiatrist who is on the same page as I am about meds. The fewer to achieve the goal, the better. I really enjoyed your post. You have a lot of insight :)

I really enjoyed this post Kim and I am so happy you used my quote. I spend a lot of time trying to think of ways to illustrate the feelings into words. So many people expected me to ‘get a grip’ but some days were just so hard. It was like being adrift on a dark sea: you could struggle all you liked but you weren’t going to hit land until the tides decided. The thing that many people don’t mention is that to come out of clinical depression is actually a very, very long road. Even when you think you’ve come out, you are looking over your shoulder all the time wondering if it’s coming back. People remind you too. My mum spent quite a few years, whenever I got angry, saying: ‘Oh, wait, are you depressed again? Shall we get you an appointment with the GP.’ It was great that she was so aware and cared about me, but everyone feels anger and expresses it. I guess what I discovered is I needed a lot of time, and I am very grateful that I have had the opportunity over the last five years to be at home with lots of time in order to heal. I feel blessed and lucky.

Great post Kim! I suffered from depression for years and didn’t even know it. I just didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy…why I wasn’t “normal.” (and I’m certain my mother is depressed, but chooses to be in denial of it).

I see my counselor just twice a month now, but when she suggested I be put on an anti-depressant I declined. This was years ago, and I’d heard horror stories about some meds. I, instead, did some research for a holistic approach. I take SAMe with a mix of other supplements. It seems to work for me. I can definitely feel a difference when I stop taking them because I “think I’m okay.” I also rearrange furniture, cabinets, etc. The physical labor seems to help me clear things out. Purging, cleaning, rearranging my physical space often helps to bring whatever emotions I need to experience up to the surface. And, of course, positive thought, affirmations, journaling and the like are also “tools” I use to help manage my depression.

We each must find our own path to emotional balance and find what works best for us in regards to managing our depression. I commend you for sharing your experience so honestly and bringing light to the “dark side.”

Well said. This is a great article and as more people come out to speak about their experience with Depression the stigma will lessen. Anytime you want to share stories, I’m up for it.
Signed, One of your Cheerleaders