First Impression: Only the finest Internet trolls need apply. "I'm looking for an experienced dancer to accompany me to an elegant ball in November."

In Search Of: A Clooney. "Anglo-Saxon or European background highly desirable. To keep a proper proportion you would need to be at least 5'9" tall, complement my Parisian blue gown by being willing to wear a tux, be single between the ages 38-48. Please have a positive disposition, ability to intelligently converse, be cultured and a gentleman."

First Impression: Nearly as interesting as a robot-generated Spam e-mail. "I can be shy but I also have a great sense of humor. I like a good laugh and spending time with friends and family. I like going out but also love staying in and watching a good DVD."

Extracurricular Activities: When pressed, describes self as "unique." "I've got a wide variety of interests and find it hard to put myself as a 'type.'"

Heart to Heart: Finally. "When I win the lottery I plan to travel the world and bring home a dragon or unicorn."