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Designer colognes are overpriced and have really dumb names like "Eternal Dark Obsession", so don't waste your money on them. Instead, try some of these bizarre food fragrances that look just as sexy on a black-and-white beach (and will make you exponentially hungrier). Eat it, Tyrese!

Created by the UK's Federation of Bakers to promote bread-/breakfast-time, Eau de Toast was something too great for this world. The limited-edition samples sold out a while ago, but if you really need to smell like the inside of a toaster 24/7, keep your eyes peeled on eBay.

Yeah, it was bound to happen, and yeah, it'll definitely sell. But what happens when strangers start chasing that bacon scent and discover not pork, but some dude with no meats to speak of?! What then, Bacon by Fargginay??!!

After being bottled by those mad scientists at Pizza Hut Canada, this Pizza Hut Perfume made its way across the border for an exclusive Valentine's Day run. Because nothing says #romance like $6.99 worth of grease, cheese, and meat.

The makers of sushi cologne are apparently hell-bent on bottling every aroma in the grocery store aisle, 'cause they've also got Demeter Celery Cologne. And lobster cologne. And fiery curry cologne. And... well, you get the idea. These guys are nuts.

Long before those British breadmakers were hatching any grand toast spritzer ideas, the Stilton Cheesemaker's Association was offering you an opportunity to douse yourself in smelly, smelly cheese with Eau de Stilton. It was offered in samples in '06, with plans to mass-produce if it sold big. It did not.

You thought you'd escaped this creepy, creepy ad of The King seducing women with Burger King-branded The Flame cologne, didn't you? The Flame might be discontinued, but this image will never die, no matter how many times you stab it in your nightmares.