Scarlett Johannson and Sean Penn Step Out: Tips For Taking Your Relationship To The Next Level

Last weekend, American sweetheart Reese Witherspoon wed her agent-boyfriend Jim Toth. However, it wasn't her wedding dress or the amazing venue that got people whispering, but rather the guests in attendance.

Last weekend, American sweetheart Reese Witherspoon wed her agent-boyfriend Jim Toth. However, it wasn't her wedding dress or the amazing venue that got people whispering, but rather the guests in attendance.

Specifically Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson. Just hours out of the fete, the media was abuzz with news that Penn and Johansson had formally announced their couple status by showing up to the wedding together (how’d she snag him so fast?!).

This got us here at SELF thinking. In the confusing world of Facebook relationships, friends with benefits and sexting, how’s a girl to know when a relationship is well….a relationship? We talked to Ian Kerner and Jess McCann, both experts in the realm of relationships, to get tips on how to take your are-we-dating relationship to the next (official) level.

Stuck in relationship limbo? If the guy you’re with seems hesitant to commit, Kerner, a New York Times best-selling sex author, states that there are a few things you can do to drop the “lets get serious” hint. First, start becoming more independent of your pseudo-boyfriend, especially when things are beginning to get comfortable. Sound counter-productive? Kerner assures us it’s not. “It sends out an unconscious vibe that you’re not completely available,” Kerner says. “You have a dynamic life, and sometimes distancing yourself helps you to get things moving and get re-appreciated. It’s really cool for women to give the wake-up call. Have a conversation, say ‘I’m looking for a mature relationship and to share my life with someone, so what’s holding you up?'”

McCann agrees. In her book, You Lost Him at Hello, she explains that women have to negotiate from a position of strength. Give a guy everything upfront and you’ll have nothing to use as leverage in order to get the relationship you deserve. “Either a guy has to feel like he has something to gain by getting into a relationship with you, or something to lose if he doesn’t,” McCann explains. “If you are already acting as if you are in a relationship, but without the official title, then you will have to take something out of the equation to let him know that you need more from him in order to be happy.”

Try as you may, but your guy still won’t commit? That’s a big clue that it’s time to move on. “Guys usually know very quickly if they see a woman as relationship material; this is a fling, versus this is a keeper,” Kerner says. “If a guy is saying he doesn’t see you as part of that later category, you should really move on.”

If you’ve finally found your way into relationship territory, McCann offers up some advice to keep your newly-minted couple status from going from bliss to burnout in a matter of weeks. “Once in a relationship, most women will kick off their shoes, put their feet up on the table and make themselves right at home,” McCann says in her new book, The Perfect Reply, coming next spring. “At this stage, most women throw all prior rules out the window. But is that smart? Does it really make sense to act any different once you actually land the guy? After all, what you did before got you to where you are now. The best strategy is to ease into the relationship, not jump in head first.”