I am the First Lady of HR with a stellar career.
"People" is my middle name, on Tuesdays.
"Save a dollar, save a dime, spending cash is a corporate crime"

Monday, 13 July 2015

3 ways to easily eliminate software bugs

Haircut for our software bugs?

Our chief nerd Comrade Carl Marks held an "all hands" meeting following the decision to resolve the Greek debt crisis. The moment that Comrade Carl read the news that the crisis was "water under the bridge on the Danube" , he took out his megaphone and herded his motley troops into the "Comrade General Zhukov Conference Room".

Behind Carl on a huge screen was a chart listing the 48,955 software bugs, 45% of which impact client revenue. The chart was in Russian, Chinese, Urdu, Tamil, Hindi, Hebrew and German. Yes, we have a new nerd named Lisl from Munich.

And then Carl spoke:

Kibinimat, I demand that 30% of this software bug list be administratively reduced, while another 43% of the bugs be re-branded as features.

If the Greeks can do it, so can we.

Let's all rebel against the list of bugs, and topple HR while we are at it. We have 4 good arguments on our side-

The bugs are defined by clients who lack sophistication.

The bugs' impact are amplified due to sommerloch.

These clients have add no real value to the technology supply chain.

Kibinimat, we need to innovate and not focus on satisfaction. That's HR and Sales' role.

Then Comrade Carl pointed at me and said, "Gloria is the greatest, but she should dismantle HR and go back to Canada, kibinimat".All the nerds stood up and applauded. Many of these nerds did not understand the Comrade's speech, but nevertheless support his leadership, despite what is written in wimpy management articles.