To Whom Did Tom Cruise Pay A House Visit To Cajole Into Starring in a Movie With Him?

Ex-wife Nicole Kidman for a headline-grabbing on-screen reunion? 13-year-old daughter-of-his-bud Willow Smith? His celebrity B.F.F. David Beckham? No; we wish; and if only.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Tom crashed the pad of Jack Nicholson as part of a “Hail Mary pass” to try to convince the 76-year-old actor to star with him in the comedy El Presidente, which is about a “straight-arrow Secret Service agent who is assigned to protect America’s worst former president, an alcoholic and womanizing sleazebag who was elevated from V.P. when the president died.” (Cruise would be playing the agent, obviously, though wouldn’t a scenario in which Nicholson played the agent and Cruise played the former president be a thousand times more exciting?)

They’ve been trying to make this movie—which, if they have their way, would reunite the A Few Good Men co-stars—since 2010. They’ve got Tom attached and a director on board (Doug Liman of The Bourne Identity and Mr. & Mrs. Smith); now they just need Jack to say yes. Cruise and Liman showed up at Nicholson’s house last week (with a signed photograph of Jennifer Lawrence and a year’s supply of shades, if they knew what was good for them). Cruise reportedly told Nicholson he “won’t do the movie without him.” (Does The Hollywood Reporter now employ maids working in actors’ homes as sources?! Don’t answer that.)

Jack’s said to be reading the script now and will be making his decision soon. But Cruise’s team is smart for leaking this story, as now Jack will presumably be deluged with “jack! hear u & tom may be reuniting! so rad!!!!” texts and will perhaps start to feel a bit nostalgic and worry he’ll be letting “everyone” down if he says no and he’ll make a “pros” and “cons” list but find himself semi-consciously creating “pros” that are stretches and using a weirdly high standard for the “cons.” And at that point, he’ll know that he’s made his decision.