WWE - Ian Clark's NOC Go-Home Raw Recap

Tonight's Raw comes live from Montreal, dans la belle province. While new Premier-elect Pauline Marois is presumably not going to be in attendance, Canadian legend Bret Hart is on tap. This being his first (if memory serves) televised appearance in the city that never sobers (and I can say that, I have family there) since the screwjob 15 years ago, one must wonder what the Hitman has on his mind. Speaking of absolute legends, Paul Heyman has just revealed himself to be in the corner of CM Punk! What will this bring not only to the WWE Title match at Night of Champions, but to the career of CM Punk in general? Only one way to find out. Well, two actually. And that's why I'm here. Press F5 or refresh for more updates, and be sure to join us in the Angrymarks Chat.

Raw opens with Bret Hart to a huge reaction. "Thank you! Merci! It's been fifteen years, so I'll take it. It took a long time to get here, and I hope everybody in Canada's listening to this. It took a long time for me to come back to Montreal, and I'm a bit speechless, I don't know what to say after fifteen years. I'm not sure what to say. Last time I was here, it was one of the darkest moments in my career, but it was also one of my proudest. I want you to know you've all been in my heart for fifteen years, and you helped me get through those dark days, and I'll never forget it, ever. It was a distinctly Canadian moment, and I want to thank all of you for supporting me, God bless everyone in Montreal, thank you very much!"

CM Punk interrupts the proceedings by making his presence known. "With all due respect, Bret, I think all the things that happened in the fifteen years have been documented in painful detail in that encyclopedia you call a book, that you wrote yourself. I would never have enough of an ego to write a book about myself, but if I did, it would be called, What If? As in, what if Bret Hart wrestled CM Punk instead of Shawn Michaels?"

"Doesn't really matter what if, because I think that everyone here knows it would've taken me less than a minute to put you in the Sharpshooter, twisted you up like a pretzel and made your feel touch the back of your head."

"I don't believe that for a second, and I can tell by your expression that even you don't believe that. I can tell you what would've happened. The WWE would have changed forever. CM Punk vs. Bret Hart? That's easy, I'm the best in the world. I don't need a Vince McMahon to screw everybody. I would've beat you with my own bare hands, and it would've created a chain reaction that probably would've resulted in you not being here today. Because Vince McMahon wouldn't have screwed Bret Hart, your precious Attitude Era never would've happened, and I would've jumped from this sinking ship and left for WCW."

"You would've left for WCW? I underestimated your brilliance. What's your story? Best in the world? As far as I can tell, the best in the world would've been excellently executed by the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be."

"It absolutely kills me that you still refer to yourself as that. It drives me crazy. You could call yourself the king of England. Hell, you could call yourself the king of Memphis, but that doesn't make it true, right Jerry? How you feeling, Jerry? No hard feelings, right?"

"I don't know what your story with Jerry Lawler is, but I have my own lengthy history with him, and I can say this much, Jerry Lawler always showed up. He never once walked away from the ring like a coward. So called Best in the World? Last week you left Jerry Lawler lying backstage, but then when it came time to step in the ring, you walked away. Let's look at the Titantron for what the best in the world did last week. (footage airs of Punk kicking John Cena in the back of the head airs)"

"Well, what can I say, Bret? I was in my hometown. A town that treats champions respectfully, and I was in a hurry to enjoy my much-deserved day off. I came back to get some things and I saw John Cena right in front of me. And where's John Cena now? Is he in the back? Is John Cena watching this? Does he have eyes on this? He wasn't too happy with the lesson I taught Jerry Lawler last week, did you ask him to be your white knight? Is John Cena gonna run out here when it gets a little too hot for you?"

"I did talk to John Cena, and I told him that I wanted to come out here and talk to the fans, first. With all due respect--"

"Respect? You don't know a damn thing about respect, because if you did you would not be out here talking to the WWE Champion that way. I've been WWE Champion longer than you ever were, and this Sunday, I will beat John Cena and cement my legacy, not as the best in the world, but as the greatest WWE Champion of all time! Did you hear them, Hitman, when you walked out? The ovation these people of Montreal gave you? That is the respect and admiration that everyone should be giving me. But you're just like John Cena. You're overstated, you're overrated, you're overhyped. But I'm going to put John Cena to sleep."

"Just like you're putting all of these people to sleep right now."

"No, at Night of Champions, I'm going to turn John Cena into a beaten, broken down, empty shell of a man. Just like you are."

Kingston and Miz start off, Kingston with a rear waistlock, side headlock, monkey flip for two, Truth in, doble elbow, double knee, Miz bails, Cesaro hits the ring and gets a double arm drag, bails, Kingston uses Truth as a step ladder and hits a plancha to the outside on both men, commercial.

Back on, Cesaro has Truth in a chinlock, Truth elbows his way out, Cesaro grabs him and tags in The Miz. Miz with a running kick in the ropes, cover for two, sets him up in the corner, hanging clothesline, goes up top, double sledge for two, chinlock, Truth escapes, dropkick, double tag, Kofi with a springboard clothesline, two more clotheslines, dropkick, leaping clothesline, boom drop, kick for Miz, Cesaro with a fist, whip to the corner, charges, Kingston with a kick, crossbody from the top, Miz breaks up a count at two, Truth throws him out, Cesaro throws Truth out, Cesaro rolls up Kofi grabbing his tights for two, Kofi with Trouble in Paradise for three.

Winners: WWE Tag Team Champions Kofi Kingston and R-Truth

Immediately following this, they cut to a video package of a court deposition between Sheamus and David Otunga. It is, without a doubt, one of the strangest things I've ever seen. It'll probably be on Youtube, but the upshot of it all is that Otunga goes through a list of all of the victims of the Brogue Kick, and Sheamus manages to... I can't spoil it, because it's actually fucking hilarious in its near-surreal randomness. Anyway, the upshot is that, for some reason, no one seems to bring up the obvious kayfabe contract measures that would be in place to make a lawsuit like this completely absurd.

Three things: Layla's music is the single most annoying thing ever, why is Alicia Fox a heel now?, and why did they have her facing Natalya at house shows all weekend if she was going to team with her later? Also, nice to see Beth Phoenix back.

I'm guessing they were trying to go for the "Eve tags herself in to hog all the glory" angle, but honestly I think it was just doing the audience a favour by having Eve's music play instead of Layla's autotuned mess.

Backstage, CM Punk complains to AJ that John Cena doesn't have a match. AJ responds that Punk should count himself lucky she doesn't make him face Sheamus this week. She then says that perhaps he's right and a champion vs. champion match deserves more buildup than it got, but maintains that because it's the WWE Universe Punk walked out on, they get to pick his opponent. Brodus Clay, one of three choices (along with Lawler and Orton), then psyches him out.

Match Three: WWE Champion CM Punk vs. TBA

Michael Cole introduces the options. Fuck I hope it's not Orton.

Yeah, it's Orton. With 75%.

Match Three: WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Randy Orton (non-title)

Lockup, Punk with a chinlock, shoulder tackle, lockup, Punk with another side headlock, whipped, shoulder tackle, Orton with a hip toss, lockup, Orton with a side headlock, Punk presses Orton to the corner to force a break, Punk with kicks to the gut, stomps, stomp, backbreaker for a one-count, chinlock, knees to the gut, uranage, chinlock, Orton to his feet, elbows his way out, headbutt, stomp, european uppercut, whip, RKO blocked, Punk bails, starts to walk away, Orton chases after him, punch on the ramp, chases Punk back to the ring, tosses him into the barricade, throws him back in the ring, Punk with a baseball slide, commercial.

Back on, Punk has Orton in an abdominal stretch, Orton hip tosses out, Punk with a dropkick to Orton's knee, knee to the knee, kicks to the knee, top rope elbow for two, body slam, leg drop for two, goes up top, Orton crotches him, punches, superplex for two, trading punches, Orton comes out on top, goes off the ropes, Punk with a spinning heel kick, Orton with dual clotheslines, whip, Punk blocks, Orton with a back body drop, hangman's DDT reversed into a kick to the head, springboard clothesline for two, calls for the GTS, goes for the GTS, Orton blocks, RKO blocked, Orton with an Orton backbrearker for two, hangman's DDT, calls for the RKO, Dolph Ziggler interjects for the DQ.

Winner by DQ: Randy Orton

Orton with a clothesline for Punk, scoopslam for Ziggler, one for Punk, calls for an RKO on Punk, Ziggler attacks Orton from behind, Punk grabs Orton's leg, both men begin punching away, Jerry Lawler slides into the ring, clears the ring, he and Orton then follow after their respective rivals as Raw goes to commercial.

Ziggler is taking it to Orton, Orton with a clothesline, Garvin stomp, european uppercut, slingshot suplex, Lawler in, dropkick, goes up top, fist drop, then another for two, Ziggler with a dropkick, stomp, punch, elbow drop, cover for two, chinlock, Lawler punches his way ot, Ziggler with a stomp, running kick, stomp with a turn at the end, chinlock, punches, shoves Lawler to the ground, elbow drop for two, chinlock, Lawler back suplexes his way out, Orton on, clotheslines, scoopslam, hangman's DDT reversed into a back body drop out of the ring, Paul Heyman heads to the ringside area, begins talking to Punk, Vickie Guerrero objects quite strongly to this, Heyman walks over to the timekeeper's desk, gets Punk the WWE Championship, Ziggler rolls Orton up in the ring for two, Orton with an RKO for three as Punk doesn't really seem to care.

Winners: Jerry Lawler and Randy Orton

Punk and Heyman leave, still thick in the middle of a conversation.

Backstage after a commercial, Punk and Heyman are still in the middle of a conversation. Matt Striker asks them what the nature of their relationship is, Punk merely replies, "I'm a Paul Heyman guy."

They then cut to a replay of the hug-off between Bryan and Kane last week. Backstage, Bryan confronts Kane, saying that he'd heard he had something to say to him. Kane says the same thing. The anger management therapist then interjects. AJ says she invited him, and he says he's got an idea that will either solve their problems or send them into an abyss from which they'll never recover. He doesn't reveal what that is, but I think we've all got a guess.

In the ring, Heath Slater demands a rematch with Zack Ryder. Ryder comes over the 'Tron and announces that he's not Slater's scheduled opponent, but he knows who he is, and at least the names are similar.

Match Five: Heath Slater vs. Ryback

Slater with a headlock, Ryback whips his way out so hard that Slater falls out of the ring. Slater back in, Ryback with a clothesline, Slater with a punch, Ryback with another in response, flooring Slater. Ryback with a neckbreaker, kicks to the back, another neckbreaker, Ryback tosses Slater off at a one-count, Ryback with a clothesline, spinebuster, powerbomb, Shell Shocked for three.

Winner: Ryback

Backstage, the Primetime Players arrive at AJ's office, where apparently she called them. AJ informs them that there's been a mistake, and they're not the #1 Contenders to the tag team championship. They respond with more antics. AJ simply responds by saying that they aren't the #1 Contenders yet because they haven't beat every team yet, but they'll have a chance to when they go against Kane and Daniel Bryan. Yup, my guess (and I'm guessing everyone's guess) was right.

Match Six: Kane and Daniel Bryan vs. Primetime Players

A "oui" chant begins the match. Kane and Titus start off, Titus with punches, goes off the ropes, gets a punch for his troubles. Kane with punches in the corner, tags in Bryan. Bryan with kicks in the corner, whip, reversed, Bryan with a rear waistlock, Young in, clothesline for two, another cover for one, Titus in, double team shoulder block for two, body slam, stomp to the back, shove, elbows in the corner, punches, Young with a kick, Young in, bridging suplex for two, chinlock, Bryan kicks his way out, Young with a stomp, O'Neill in, suplexes Young onto Bryan choke in the ropes, chop, Bryan responds with kicks, O'Neill with a backbreaker for two, kick, stomp, more stomps, chinlock, chop to the neck, Young in, kicks and punches to the gut, Bryan responds with a few punches of his own, Young with a snapmare and a chinlock, punch, then locks the chinlock back in, Bryan elbows his way out, kicks, suplex, Kane calls for the tag, Bryan refuses, goes up top, misses, Young rolls him up for two, chinlock, Bryan elbows his way out, clothesline, kicks, running kick, Kane tags himself in, punches O'Neill, whip to Young, clothesline in the corner, whip, follows him with a clothesline, side slam for two, goes up top, clothesline, sets up for a chokeslam, hits it, throws O'Neill out of the ring, Bryan tags himself in, Kane chokeslams his own partner on top of Young for three.

Winners: Kane and Daniel Bryan

This makes them the #1 Contenders. Nice! Kane holds up Bryan's arm in a unified celebration as Bryan slowly comes to.

Match Seven: Alberto Del Rio vs. Tyson Kidd

Del Rio with a kick, punches to the back, leaping stomp to the head, Kidd with a spinning heel kick, sharpshooter blocked, Del Rio with more stomps and punches, chinlock, Kidd punches his way out, Del Rio with a punch, charges, Kidd ducks and sends Del Rio to the outside, running knee on the apron, throws Del Rio back in the ring, misses a springboard elbow drop, Del Rio with a running kick, hints at a sharpshooter, Kidd locks in a Sharpshooter, Del Rio tries to make it to the ropes, Kidd pulls him back to the middle of the ring, Del Rio tries again and makes it. Kidd misses a springboard leg drop, Del Rio drops his arm across the ropes, cross armbreaker for the tapout.

Winner by Submission: Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio begins kicking Kidd after the match before demanding a mic. "Sheamus, are you watching this? I just destroyed this Canadian peasant. That's nothing compared to what I'm going to do to you at Night of Champions. You already lost the Brogue Kick, now prepare to lose the World Heavyweight Championship!"

Michael Cole then announces that Jerry Lawler passed out at the announce table and is recieving medical attention in the back, before strongly hinting that this is not a work. He actually seems pretty concerned.

Michael Cole doesn't say a single word during the entrances, furthering my belief that this is real.

Otunga attacks Sheamus with punches and kicks, stomps, slaps in the ropes, Sheamus with a headbutt, stomps, chops in the ropes, Irish Curse, Texas Cloverleaf for the tapout.

Winner by Submission: Sheamus

Michael Cole is still completely silent. Sheamus heads back to the ring as the crowd screams for the Brogue Kick. He hits the now-banned kick before AJ comes out with a mic.

"Sheamus, you clearly just defied authority, and I'm left with no other option--"

Booker T comes out. "AJ, I don't know what you were gonna way, but this right here is World Heavyweight Championship business, so let me handle this business. Now, Sheamus, you know you shouldn't be using that Brogue Kick, especially given my own internal investigation, but this isn't going to look good on you: If you use this Brogue Kick on anyone at any point on anyone before my investigation is complete, you will be stripped of your World Heavyweight Championship."

Bret Hart is shown backstage talking to Rey Mysterio as the caption reads, "Next". What it is that's next I'm not sure. Michael Cole still isn't saying anything.

They show a replay of Kane and Bryan tagging up, again as Cole says nothing, before showing a Tout from Kingston and Truth, where they say that they're not intimidated because Kane and Bryan can't stay on the same page.

Kane and Bryan are fighting before their therapist asks them to accentuate the positive. Bryan says that the fact that they got the win shouldn't be overlooked. They get in a fight over the name of the team before it turns into a shouting match. The therapist proposes "team friendship", which both men veto.

Michael Cole finally speaks for the first time, again emphasizing that this is not part of the show, but that Lawler is breathing on his own but has been taken to hospital and is being given oxygen. He then confirms that the rest of the night will continue without commentary, and that they hope for an update.

Match Nine: Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio

Both men jockey for position before Mysterio hits a stomp, Rhodes with a punch, throws him to the corner, knees him in the gut twice, kick to the head for two, punch, exploder suplex, kick to the gut, chinlock, kick, Rey with a kick of his own, Rhodes goes for a reverse suplex, Rey with knees, throws Rhodes out of the ring, hurricanrana on the floor, throws Rhodes back in the ring, hurricanrana blocked, Rhodes with a body slam, blocked, Rhodes with a flash kick for two, stomps, charges, Rey ducks as Rhodes hits the ring post, Rey with a hurricanrana, wheelbarrow bulldog, kick to the face for two, goes up top, seated senton, Rhodes with a boot tothe gut, powerbomb reversed into a kick to the ass, 619 interrupted by The Miz on the ramp, Rhodes with Crossrhodes for three.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Miz comes in for a post-match attack, but Rhodes drops him with Crossrhodes and poses with the Intercontinental Championship.

Michael Cole offers another update on Jerry Lawler. He's beginning to respond to light, but he's in isolation in ER, awaiting a catscan.

Bret Hart hits the ring to interview John Cena, who comes out to a surprisingly positive reaction, at least for Canada.

Cena: "Bret, first thing's first, thank you for the opportunity with the interview."

"I just want to say, I see your feud with CM Punk, and it reminds me of my feud with Shawn Michaels. We were mutual friends, but by the end we had this feud for the title, it almost destroyed our lives. When I look at you, I see a lot of myself, but when I look at CM Punk, I see a lot of the old Shawn Michaels."

"First of all, thanks for mentioning me in the same sentence as Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. I agree with these fans, I have a lot of work to do to earn that. Second of all, I have to say I see a lot of differences between Shawn Michaels and CM Punk. First of all, HBK never proclaimed to be something he isn't. When he was a jerk, he said he was a jerk. Punk proclaims to be the voice for the people, but then he demands respect and has to repeatedly tell you how good he is. You see, Shawn Michaels earned respect because he stood for something, and these people here respect you because you stand for something. Right now, CM Punk is a desperate and delusional young man who thinks that leather and gold by any means necessary equals respect."

"What are you gonna do to shut this phony little punk up?"

Punk: "Phony? I couldn't hear you over these people, but did you call me a phony?"

Hart: "Yes, phony."

Cena: "Does that irritate you? Does it make you wanna do something about it? Because if so I'm calling you a phony too. You have two choices, you can stay there or come here, and there's 40 feet of distance and three ropes between you and the worst mistake of your life."

Punk: "It's just the pot calling the kettle black. The biggest phony in World Wrestling Entertainment history decides to cast judgment on its champion. I don't need your approval, I do what I want, when I want, and what I've chosen to do now is defend myself from this blatant disrespect. It breaks my heart to see the two of you standing in the ring together. It makes me realize you two are so much alike and that's not a compliment. You can stand there and brag about how good you were and pat each other on the back and not mention the fact that you were both surpassed by someone far superior to yourselves. John, in your instance, I of course am speaking of me. And Hitman, in your case, obviously I'm talking about Shawn Michaels. And by the way, you can't draw a line of comparison between me and Shawn Michaels, because I am much better than Shawn Michaels. And remember that little hillbilly you made pass out in your Sharpshooter at Wrestlemania 13? Steve Austin? I'm better than him too. And I'm better than The Rock. And we all saw what I did to him in one night when he showed me an iota of disrespect. I did to him what you couldn't do in an entire year. I am the best wrestler, I am the best talker, I am the best technician, I am the best brawler, and I don't say that from a place of insecurity, I say it because I am it, and I'm sorry for your lack of self-confidence."

Cena: "I agree with that last part of your statement, because you can now add liar, hypocrite and conceited scumbag to that list. Congratulations! Looking out at these people tonight, I can tell that Montreal is a very honest city. For years, WWE has referred to this building as Bizarro World. Frankly, you guys are just honest, whether we want to hear it or not. So tonight, I'm going to take a page out of this city's book and hit you in the face with some truth. For 300 days you've held this championship, for 300 days this championship has been irrelevant. Month after month, you watched main event after main event pass you by and your excuse is that there's some kind of conspiracy against you because there is no you. The night you made the loudest noise was the night ironically that your microphone was turned off. I remember those days, and then in one night in Chicago, the whole universe cried out 'We finally get change!' But they were lied to. Change was not ice cream bars, change was not edgy television, the only change you wanted was to make CM Punk a star. You once said that I had become what I hated, meaning success, but you're wrong. I went from an underdog to an odds-on favourite but I did it as me. The championships, the success, the year when I didn't win the big one at Wrestlemania, the embarassment, the humiliation, the stand-offs, I did it all as me. Then there's you. You've changed your ideology numerous times, you stab your friends in the back, you steal colours from hall of famers, you steal an elbow from the late Randy Savage. I'm not saying you're not tough, I've been in the ring with you. But your latest development revolves around this championship. You think that because you have this, you can justify respect. No, the reason you have this and have kept it is by any means necessary, and that does not equal respect in my eyes. You've been really loud these past couple of weeks because you're starting to realize that you're going to have to dig down deep to find a new identity because you are in serious danger of losing this. I didn't want to do this, but the city of Montreal has forced me to do this, I'm a little rusty, mais je parle un peut de Francais. CM Punk parle que victoire dans la nuit des Champions, mais, (I can't transcribe the rest of this) which means--"

"Which means you have lowered yourself to speaking the language of the locals!"

"I do not lower myself to these people because these people are the reason we're here. You are an ignorant son of a bitch, and you need to be taught a little respect! What I said was, you say you're going to win at Night of Champions, but I'm just going to kick your ass!"

Punk and Cena stare each other down before Punk takes a swing at Bret Hart. Cena blocks before taking his shirt off and challenging Punk to fight. Punk goes to take a swing at Bret Hart, who blocks it himself and punches Punk in the face. Cena and Hart pose in the middle of the ring.

Michael Cole closes the show by announcing that Jerry Lawler's condition is stable. As of 12:30, I can confirm that this is still the latest update, but I'm going to consider this recap to be at least to some degree in progress until there is a better update.

UPDATE (12:46 AM): Lawler is believed to have suffered either a heart attack or a stroke when he collapsed. While no new information is available yet, if it is a heart attack or a stroke, that makes every passing second better and better news.

UPDATE (1:27 AM): Jerry Lawler's girlfriend has confirmed that Lawler suffered a heart attack, and at least one source, take it as you will, is saying that the situation may have been worse than reported at the onset. Smith Hart, brother of Bret Hart, has stated via Twitter that a friend of his backstage told him that Lawler was clinically dead for twenty minutes before being rushed to hospital.