Apparently recovering pop-rocker Sheryl Crow made an appearance over the weekend at the Academy of Country Music awards, modeling an ensemble from the Lingerie department of Sears, Roebuck circa 1974. The bustier says “lifts and separates, tucks and squeezes,” while the flowing pants say, “and then there’s Maude.” And the stylist says, “Hey, I had an alibi!”

She not only got the infamous Grammy “no dirty bits” memo, she inspired it. And, as you can see, she managed to transcend it with the drop-deadest drop-dead dress of all time, with an assist from the Angie Leg. Clever girl! Saves 50% on waxing!

You know what to do. Do it in the comments section for fabulous, completely imaginary prizes. This Friday’s commemorative cocktail to put you in the mood and to drink in solidarity with our Nemo-ridden friends in the East is the Velvet Manhattan: 2 ounces of Maker’s Mark bourbon, 1/2 ounce red vermouth, dash chocolate bitters, served in a rocks glass over ice, preferably fancy ice. I do love fancy ice. The more carats the better. Where was I? Oh yes, ordering another Manhattan and contemplating the beauty that is Beyonce.

We’re catching up slowly but surely on the backlog, and have been so drugged up with Nyquil and Dayquil and Duskquil and Dawnquil that we didn’t even realize we’d done two Demis in a row (does that sum to one whole Hemi?). Nor that we had slipped into the second-person plural. So without further ado or further medication, we present our double Demi prizewinners:

Tired of going commando in the hopes of being snapped for cootersightings.com, Demi Moore settles for a side-eye from her daughter’s sax instructor.

Kudos and imaginary swag to Natalie, who has once again taken the prize. Bonus points for not cellulite-shaming.To honour her victory, we hypothetically present the virtual, and highly body-conscious, Royal Doulton Biltmore Demitasse Cup & Saucer. Make your kids green with envy!

Actress, celebrity, and Colin Firth’s ex-sister-out-law Jennifer Tilly is currently cutting quite a swathe through the world of professional poker, winning her way to an income substantial enough that she’s talked about ditching acting altogether. That’s what WE call a Party Casino!

Fortunes have been won and lost on the poker table, but Tilly has a system. A secret. Something never known to fail in the history of mankind. What is the key to her gaming success? Two things:

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Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Mr. Manolo Blahnik. This website is not affiliated in any way with Mr. Manolo Blahnik, any products bearing the federally registered trademarks MANOlO®, BlAHNIK® or MANOlO BlAHNIK®, or any licensee of said federally registered trademarks. The views expressed on this website are solely those of the author.