Hungarian guys don’t want to get married (?)

I have now put aside male fashion, shopping , beards and any sugar, which men have been recently gifted, for a while. As of today, I am going to take Hungarian guys and their attitude towards relationships and marriage, under my loupe. As you know, I am living in Budapest for nearly 4 years, and I am a very good observer. One of the questions, which always keep popping up in my head is “why Hungarian guys don’t want to get married?”. After numerous conversations with my Hungarian and foreigner friends, I came to the conclusion that guys here are extremely spoiled.

When I observe the whole man-woman relationship in Budapest, I get the feeling that a lot of girls trying very hard to find a boyfriend/husband and so many of them are using a dating portal for that. I was offered to register to one of those websites a couple of times, where some of them are paid ones (around 1000 huf – 5 USD), and I was always asking myself, why would I pay for using some dating portal, or why would I waste my time and energy to log in there, when I can go to any bar/club and be picked by some guy there (hypothetically, as I am not looking for anybody).

AND HERE WE GO Hungarians are not willing to hit on you, they are waiting for you to approach! Sounds crazy? Well, couple of days ago I hung out with my Hungarian friend in one of the hippest areas in Budapest, where we both spotted a lot of handsome guys, but they were so busy to talking to their male friends, that even , if Irina Shayk will pass them by, the would not react. That was the day (actually night), when my friend asked a fundamental question, “do those guys even get blood flow in their cocks?” Well, in my opinion they do, but as confirmed by many of my friends, they like to express themselves on internet (dating portals), rather than in a real world. As I don’t like to generalize, I did some research to verify the above statement. I logged in to one of the common dating portals, I chose as a location Budapest and within 6 hours I received 55 private messages (all from Hungarian guys), 296 people marked they want to meet me and I even received some ridiculous awards – for the hottest and most viewed person that day.

Worth to mention that my popularity on this dating portal went from very low to very high – within hours only! My popularity among Hungarian guys really amused me because so far, none of them approached me in a real world and I swear to God, I uploaded my real photo there without any photo shop!

That day, I decided to kill two birds with one stone. I searched for some good looking guys and sent them private message with the question, “what is the reason they are using this dating portal if with their appearance, they can get any girl in any place of Budapest”. Gábor said that he gets bored that’s why he is here (maybe he should go for running?), Sandor replied, he would like to increase his chances and Attila answered that it is another opportunity to meet somebody, I thought seriously?? What opportunity? There are hundreds of girls out there looking for their soul mates, and you are wasting your time here, as you want to increase your chances? Unbelievable, but still the best was Támas, who sent me a really kinky answer

However I don’s speak Hungarian, I use my uncle Google to translate this important message, and here’s what I got:

(click to see full size)

To my misfortune, Támas did not give me a proper answer, but as far as I understood, he offered me some oil massage with a pillow under my hips?? I think I should finally start learning Hungarian!

So as you see, we have very horny boys out there, who are even able to write sexual poems, still I did not receive a clear answer, what the hell are all you men doing there? I could understand about elder people – 45, 50+ whose chances keep really shrinking, I have no idea why guys around 30′s wasting their time there, when there are so many girls in random places around Budapest, who are waiting to be finally approached!

Another theory I heard regarding Hungarian guys being immature and not ready for relationships, is due to the fact that they love to call their mums almost every day. It wouldn’t be bad to ask your parents what they are doing, or if they are fine, but calling and asking about any advise sounds quite weird. Men, don’t you think it would be easier to ask your girlfriend or wife? (unless you have a girlfriend or wife). There was another really amusing opinion, that Hungarian guys have some sort of Turkish influence and they like to rule over a woman. I would love to be a guinea pig , in this case!.

Finally we came to the most drastic point for Hungarian guys – MARRIAGE. I rarely see anybody here who is getting married, however guys would not mind to have kids. Not really sure what is a bigger responsibility – just a wife , or a girlfriend with two kids??

Anyway boys don’t get me wrong, this is some general deliberation, and if you wish to speak for yourselves, please feel free to put your opinion in the comment field. Maybe there is some serious reason, which can explain your behavior or maybe woman should have different approach towards you? Let me know, I am really curious (and 2 million other woman as well).

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25 Comments

Hi Spoiled Queen! I am really glad that somebody(You) brought this topic up. The Hungarian nation is in big danger if the current situation won’t change!Why do we switch roles? Why the guys expect us to take the first step? Men have been created to hunt originally, so why should women take this brilliant role away from men? Guys, put your shoes and hats on, and go out on the fresh air and start hunting!You will be amazed by the success! This is what mmakes man a real man!Women like strong partners who work for them hard not just waiting for the fried chicken to fall from the sky!
Also, all mothers should try to find happiness in their grown up son’s family, stop holding their sons next to their skirt, and to manipulate them! Moms leave your sons to breathe, and kick them out to start living!

Well,I live in the UK since 2005, and I’m from Hungary. A 33 year old men, who have 2 kids with an English women, who I married after one year form first sight.
Why men in Budapest count only for any consideration?
There are many genuine guys, as well as game-players just like in any country.
I guess men from Budapest don’t want to get married, but this article talks in a a whole country size. Its just isn’t right.
I wish you took a better research before published an article like this, or even go on a date, and interact with them.
You would of experienced I high level of respect, funny, cheeky questions and stories.
Guessing, assuming… Is that really the right thing?

I live in London and met a lot of immature men who are just looking to get laid and purposely hide their real intentions and will tell you anything to win you. Even met a guy who was settled and offered me to be his “special friend” without having to commit to anything. He was surprised I declined his offer.

Ladies, stop being so easy in going to bed with men. They should be worthy of your attention and care. Make them be proper gentlemen with class

Sadly in this day and age women are too accessible and they are taught to be that way to be attractive. As a result some Men are no longer challenged and cowardly choose the easy approach to get laid without having to do much.

My point of view is that many girls are looking for serious relationships and many guys just looking to be “friends with benefits”… so, when they cannot get it then, just go for the next woman, online or offline.

Being a Hungarian man myself, 37 and well only half Hungarian, I do see similarities to how they have been described and how I see myself behaving. It seems as though there are many Hungarian inventors. I like to think of myself as a successful smart Hungarian. I even have my name on a US patent. That being said, perhaps what goes on in my head, is similar to the typical Hungarian. I have usually been the anti social type. Recognizing this, I have strived to not be this person. Let me tell you how quickly I can over think a situation, like approaching a woman for example. I can easily make it the hardest thing to do. I created fear in myself.

Now, the other part of me outside of women is very focused and concerned about the world around me. Whatever it may be, wrapping myself around things so tightly creates a person that has a difficult time socially. By the way, I am an engineer by trade. I find that so many Hungarians are bitter about the history of the country. It’s like they always have a chip on their shoulder. The way my cousin speaks to me, its like he always has something to complain about. The Hungarian language also has so many colorful ways to swear and express this grief.

I think you combine this stuff and you end up with a group of men that would rather complain to each other about shit and politics than meet a pretty girl. I for one would not want to be that person – thank Jebus for my other half!

It looks like it will be a walk in the park for me if I decide to visit Hungary and go out meeting women! Thank you for that!

I have had a very different experience. I’m an American woman, 39, and my boyfriend is Hungarian. He is 35. He asked me out when I was sitting at a bar in London. I kind of brushed him off at first, politely, because I am shy and was just visiting London for work. But he approached me again and seemed so sincere about it I said okay. He is very handsome and elegant-looking. I’m petite, shaped something like Jenny Shimizu, half Chinese. Now we have been dating only eight months and he asked me to marry him at month seven. I wasn’t even looking to meet someone. I am also a mom from a previous relationship. He has never been married and has no children.

PS It’s ironic that I found your blog when searching to see if it’s normal for a Hungarian man to want to get married so fast (because each of the four other men who asked me in the past waited a year or two)! (I only said yes to one)

Well, I’m half Hungarian and currently live in the uk. I grew up in Hungary and my mother language is also Hungarian so I count myself as a Hungarian. I lived there for 22 years and I had relationships with Hungarian boys. I ‘ve never taken the first step towards a man. I let them “fight” for me. My experience is: Hungarian boys in their 20 are childish and they neither want merry nor children. It takes ages to at least engage a girl then they change their mind or cheat(it happened to my friends). They are afraid of commitments and they don’t know what a man’s responsibility in a family. Probably they were raisen up by their mother (divorced, separated families) so that they don’t know what a man’s role. They are mum’s favourite. They go to clubs and pubs to hunt girls just for sex, especially if they are student at university. (It’s girls’ fault too) There are some exceptions but it is rare. I think Hungarian population has been falling apart…

I am a 38 years old Hungarian man living in western New York for over 6 years. I am a US resident. I find myself in situations where it takes me way too long to decide whether I am interested in someone or not. Once I made up my mind I reach out and start communicating, although I seem to give up too quickly if I don’t get a stong enough positive response. I think it has something to do with getting to know the girl on a deeper level first, it may not be a cultural thing but I’m not sure. Like others mentioned above, I also tend to be rather distant and isolated (not exactly anti-social, though). I often seem to act like our famous mounted archer ancestor faking a retreat peeking over his shoulder (however sterotypical it may sound). I have a hard time understanding the dating culture here and often think that certain details matter a lot, like “we don’t have He or She” just a gender neutral O”, we have “Siblinghood” (Testveriseg) instead of Brotherhood or Sisterhood and so on. It indicates that we may not have such strong gender separation as other nations do. I definitely don’t act like the locals and I do feel like I stick out of the crowd rather than stand out. I’m guessing that there’s a great mix of cultural and personal things that factor into this subject, often times I don’t even see where’s the line in between. I did get over the “handshake with girls” thing and the “lift your butt before she sits down” thing, but even those took 5 years to adjust. Who knows how many other cultural barriers I have yet to overcome. I did get the “are you always this proper?” question a couple of times, I think the respectful first approach is probably more Hungarian rather than personal. Do I have the “small country, resilient people” mentality? Maybe…

It just occurred to me that the handshake rule, the door opening rule, the “who sits down first” and the “who’s order is taken first by the waiter” all have one thing in common…Ladies First in Hungary. I’m wondering if we are taking this cultural concept too far and apply it in the dating world too. Sounds plausible to me.

Dear Gabor,
thank you for sharing your thoughts, however girls are not THAT demanding. The whole concept of this article was to prove how hard is to be approached in Hungary, by Hungarian man and how easy it could happen on a dating portal. I just don’t understand, whether Hungarians are too shy to approach girl in a real world, or too selfish and spoiled by their mothers to make any effort. I have the feeling that in most of the cases they are waiting to be approached by ladies and to be pampered till the rest of their life.I hope that I am wrong, but nearly 5 years of me living here, made me see a lot of drama.

My opinion is that it’s a cultural thing, I’m in Badoo as well only to meet new people, and I tried in reality but it’s easy get connection. As I saw is that many girls prefer first chat before in those portals and then a real meeting. And, even get a real meeting is hard, always they show a busy attitude, date and time not perfect, many girls looks more busy than the primer minister 😀 So, imagine to ask directly in a pub or whatever night place to give phone number and more details, if even chatting is so hard get a meeting and trust.
In the other hand having so many profiles give more chance that go to a place where there will be just 20 or 30 possible encounters.
About the marriage thing I think this is a western think in south america is happening same issue less guys wanna get married, I’m 38 years old (I already have a serious relationship) and I know many of friends at same age in south america that they doesn’t want to marry at all and they are also involved in those sites, it’s true that in south america guys hunting more in pubs and discos 🙂
Cheers!

If those girls seem to be so busy, how they are going to find time for dating portals? The problem here in Hungary is many guys look at girls in a public places (bars, clubs, parks any open area) the way they want to kill them. Never seen any smile on their face, always this angry, sad look.. maybe it is a culture issue, but for God sake, what would happen if one day internet will be cut off? Does it mean that nobody is going to talk to each other?
Marriage is a different thing, I guess this is the most scary thing for average Hungarian. Marriage means responsibility which is understood but many as “troubles”.

Hi there!
Interesting questions.
Both the marriage and opening a conversation with a girl.
From guys’ perspective, here in Budapest, it looks a bit different: if you are not like the Calvin Kline model the girls simply look like the Grumpy cat, but somehow not as funny.
After a few attempts you will lose your interest and perhaps you might turn to some other platforms where such things won’t happen(indeed, the Grumpy cats simply do not answer but it is still not ruining your self-confidence).
I’ve heard that for a Hungarian guy a much better perspective is similarly to get out of the country and try it with whatever foreigner girls(especially Polish ones).

Well, I think is a boomerang effect as you said guys are looking as killers then girls using online portals at least could know some behave of the guy and accept it or decline. Of course this is tricky, some guy could be a good actor and behave online as a “Don Juan” but in the reality be a big asshole. Or the opposite, in my case I never had any complain in to meet in the reality or online sites new people. I think it depends in your attitude, if you are shy will be difficult to hide that if you don’t change that behavior.

Being a Hungarian guy myself perhaps I can shed some light on your question,
I am 33 now and had a couple of relationships, dates, 1night stands,etc. Not so much, but not only a few either.
Nowadays I would say I do not want any commitments, especially with Hungarian girls.
I’d prefer the friends with benefits relationship and I won’t keep that as a secret from any of my future dates.
The reason is that Hungarian girls are spoiled and they keep extreme high expectations towards the guys. I meant that seriously, indeed.
E.g. they tell you without any emotions that under 180 cm you are ‘nothing’. No German car? You must be kidding. You are whatever worker and not a manager? Get away from me…
The interesting(or rather annoying) thing is that if you ask these girls in general about their expectations they will become sweet like sugar saying only let him be honest, faithful and loving.
This is a very ugly lie even to themselves. They just do not want that at all…

If you live your 20′ facing with such attitude you will simply change: learn how to play out girls, learn that love is measured in goods(and how to gain the most of it as possible), that the most important in your live must be yourself and that faith lasts only until you are a ‘good party’.
So we just want to be good parties looking for sex, fun and goods(which we finally exchange for sex, which is fun).
Under 30 there is still a chance to turn the tide and exchange all we gained to a marriage with an average girl but whoever did that from our generation failed and lost everything he had in a divorce and if you talk with a divorced guy he will leave you no doubts that he finds the marriage his worst choice of his life.
Above 30, no offence, but the girls have no longer chance to enchant us. As we say here ‘that train has just gone’.

Sorry to say so but the girls here have chance to marry only if they prove their value under 30. Afterwards they can simply call themselves volunteer singles, no one will care for them.

From the other hands the ladies near 40 are the best for whichever generation(only if still pretty though): already divorced, no expectations. Clear understanding of sex and their own body. No tantrums(jealousy, swallowing, threesome,etc.). Financially stable, they do not rely on you, do not want to get goods for sex like their younger fellows.
The bad thing is that they are near their warranty but switching between such ladies is the clearest fun and the biggest chance to honest relationships with good personalities.
Sounds opportunistic? Perhaps but you will learn that as well in your 30’s.

I think single girls between 30-35 most of them are too desperate to get a serious relationship and then is when some guys run away because they feel things are going so fast… not my case I’m already happy married 🙂 just telling stories that I heard from several single girls…

Well, nice to meet you, Spoiled Queen 🙂
Indeed, we have special feelings for the Polish girls and it isn’t just because of the well known Polak wenger dva bratanki, ido sabli ido sklanki locution (still there is a kind of link between the two) but we’ve all heard that Polish girls were nice and lovely you have a legend here.
I would suggest you, really to proclaim your origin when you are in company as it would call us out from our caves, definitely.
…and for the record, if you are indeed the girl on the first photo, I would happily put my pillow under your hips 😉

I can explain, a bit belatedly but google brought me here, I’m 28. This applies mainly to hungarian men in their late 20s, early 30s.

The pub, or bar, is not a place hungarian men go to to find stable and committed relationships. It’s where we might go to find a cheap floosy to bang for a night. It’s also where the sluttiest hungarian women go to find a rich foreign boyfriend to milk for money. A lot of hungarian men also don’t do the western style of half-committed relationships where you date someone for a year or so and then move on with your life. Either the passion is there from the start and we want a fully committed relationship (which I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want) or we are in it for quick sex. Good girls don’t hang out in bars looking for a date. It’s that easy.

If the fire isn’t there from the start most hungarian men are not going to pretend to like you more than they do (like italians for example – I’ve seen a lot of girls fall for the typical italian schmaltz and then get dumped). It’s a very all or nothing situation.

Now men in their 30s are usually over their “quick sex” phase and won’t even approach someone for a quick fling because it’s a waste of time, and the clocks ticking. Time to find ‘her’ and make kids and all that.

Thank you Jani for your comment. I have a feeling somebody got really nervous here:). I do agree with you that there are a lot of Italians/Portuguese/Spanish guys here, who can easily get any girl in Budapest. It’s quite sad view, but on the other hand you can not say that each girl who is hanging out with her friends in a bar/pub is a slut. If you can not meet people in a public space, what would be your suggestion then? Shall I only meet guys on their grandma’s birthday party? Could you please invite me to one?
Also we can say the same thing about guys – all of them who goes to a bar or a club are serial fuckers – would you agree with that?