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The 'Resistance' Announces Starbucks Boycott

File this one under ridiculous press releases. Mark Dice and his group -- which calls itself "The Resistance" -- will be boycotting Starbucks for its sluttly mermaid.
"The Starbucks logo has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute," explains Dice in his press release. "Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves, Slutbucks."

Way to stay classy guys.

I did not reach out to Starbucks for comment as... Well, where to begin. The mermaid's boobies are covered by her hair. As she is a mermaid, she ain't got no legs to spread. (Though Dice claims she is a Siren, not a mermaid). And, finally, The Resistance is made up of a whopping 3,000 people who probably don't go to Starbucks as we all know that's Starbucks is simply a front company for SkyNet which is collecting all our information. (Dice also goes by the name John Conner.)
Besides, how much time can the group committ to Starbucks when they have the Roman Catholic Church, the VeriChip, Tom Cruise, Fifty Cent, Jessica Simpson and Duke University to protest? (Hmmm, Tom Cruise and Duke... maybe Dice is on to something. After all, he does have a point when he writes in his book: "What happens when people commit crimes with robots such as theft and even mass murder, or if the robots go berserk and become a threat to all and everything in their path?")

And I didn't reach out to Dice because all my phones are tapped.

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Ken Wheaton

Ken is only about half as mean as his photo indicates. Short, to-the-point e-mail queries are appreciated. Read the site and recent issues before pitching.