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Seven Christmas gifts for dad

Christmas is right around the corner, and it’s time to start wrapping presents! For some of us last minute gift buyers, we’re panicked about what to get our elusive dad! Never fear, the Misnomer has some hot gift ideas for dad for this Christmas.

A deep muscle massage from you and your siblings

Dad has been working hard all year long and has earned a well deserved break. Remember that time he cleaned the gutters all by himself in the rain? He almost fell off the ladder! I’m sure he would really appreciate if you and all of your siblings broke out a bottle of sweet almond oil and helped him rub all of those knots out of his shoulders, back, and thighs. Why knot put in some of the hard work dad has been putting in for you all year long?

2. A Busch Light Sign

Classic dad am I right? What an honest working man he is, you’ll never find him without a screwdriver in one hand and an ice cold Bush Light in the other. He saw this sign a couple months ago and has been subtly name dropping it ever since. Why not give him the gift of a refreshingly smooth beer made with the finest grains, exceptional barley malt, and crisp water? All with lower calories while still delivering that classic, Busch taste.

3. Little Tommy Corcoran’s bike

You know Tommy from down the street? The one whose house has two garages? God he has such a cool bike. Dad would sure love to get his hands on that 20” Diamondback Jr. Venom SS. That ain’t no Wal-Mart shit, that’s a real big boy bike. No training wheels. I bet his rich lawyer step-dad bought it for him. Dad hates that guy, probably because his wife is hotter than mom. You know what, why not just go over there and take it? You could fight that little shit and his punk ass step-dad while you’re there.

4. Aqua Velva Ice Blue

You know dad, always back to the basics with him. Just get him the aftershave that cools, firms, and tones and he’ll be a happy man. Who knows, maybe he’ll even pass it down to you one day after a game of catch.5. A burned compilation of Ray Romano stand-up

Dad really needs a new set of jokes to bust out at the dinner table. He’s used up all of his old ones, he’s literally grasping at straws at this point, and that was only kind of funny. Even grandma knows his punchlines, and she’s got alzheimer’s. Don’t get me wrong, they’re good jokes, but I think it’s about time he freshens up his act. Remember Greg got his dad the Ray Romano stand-up box set for Christmas last year? He said we could burn it onto a couple CDs if we wanted to. That would give dad plenty of new material to work with.

6. New, better children

Let’s be honest, we were never the best kids. I think dad would really appreciate it if we rewarded all of his years of putting up with us with a new, upgraded child. Why don’t we get him one of those lacrosse players?. You know, one of those guys with those long, lazy locks. We could name him Tanner. He’d always help out with the yard work without being asked, and he’d never spout the liberal garbage we got from our mom. Dad would sure love that.

7. That one thing

Remember that thing that we saw a few weeks ago? Oh my god that was so cool. It would be a present for dad too. What was it called again? It had a thing on it, and it came with the other little thing. Or wait maybe that was the other thing…no it was definitely this one, yea I remember. It was so cool. You should probably get him that.