Zuleyka Shahin and Stuart Webber will go head to head for President of the Oxford Union.

A contested election for Union President is on the cards. Friends of both have confirmed their intentions to HackWatch.

Who will you choose?

Shahin is the current Treasurer, so has control of the Union finances this term. She flew past all her competitors to come top of the election to Standing Committee last term, in only her first election.

Well this is sure to be an exciting election! Remember that election day is right after Oxford’s hottest night, BRIDGE! Be sure to be there for all the pre-election day gossip – my 400 reps are spread all throughout the university and have tickets, all you have to do is shout “The Guild!” and one will be sure to find you to help out. Alternatively, let me know if you want tickets or tables at Warehouse, the club I own in Oxford. Obviously I’ll be at BRIDGE with my standard TABLE #opulence, so if you want to join me in #VIP then just whisper my name on the door – all the bouncers know who I am so they’ll get you in. With all the free drinks I’ve been getting since first year it is sure to be BIG night!! #GoGuildOrGoHome #WhenWePartyWePartyHard

For all of Zuleyka’s chat about “change” and being “progressive” her campaign so far seems to consist almost entirely in trying to spread stupid lies about Stuart. At least Stu is competent. How much did Zuleyka raise as treasurer again?

Really hope I don’t lose this election like I did last Trinity when I ran with Crawfy. But then I shat all over my friendship with him and joined Lisa while all my other friends (lol yes, that greek turd) were resigning because I’m a cunt like that. #AllAboutTheThrone4Me #SssssoClosssseNowww #SoooMuchPowerrr #VerssssaPleassssseDon’tCccccenssssorThissss

The Oxford Guild formerly endorses Stuart Webber and would like to encourage all voters to speak to ABBAS KAZMI – even though he hasn’t graduated a three year course (five years now and still counting…) I’ve heard he is actually not that stupid and can discuss the merits and demerits of candidates remarkably well.

Crawford I told you I don’t accept payment in cheap cava – you still owe me money. My statistics were good, stop blaming them for your loss. Any idiot could tell you 75 year old election statistics were never going to help. Though knowing the full history of the old library presumably did win a few hundred votes.

I pop up EVERYWHERE. It doesn’t matter that I’m not actually holding any kind of relevant position in any society, nor that I am not particularly interesting, you just need to have heard of me or seen me somewhere. Did you know I am best friends with Romain?!

Stuart Webber you filthy traitor – you ran as Librarian on my fucking slate and then conspired BEHIND MY BACK and got me sacked from the Presidency? Good job, you fucking mongrel, now you’re stuck with Olivia Merrett and Zuleykha. Who’s having fun now, you ugly skinny bitch?

Hmm this look like it’s going to be an interesting election. On the one hand Stuart is a member of the Union establishment and on the other Zulekyha is a radical. In any case this should prove a very interesting election.

TW: sickening self-obsessed bullshit from me as always; comment written in English.

As a half-Asian feminist, obviously I am behind Zuleyka’s run for President. It it important that we elect a radical lefist to the Union (I pretend to be one now because everyone else binned me; Cf: 8th Week P&P HT15).

As I’ve always said, I hate the Union, which is why I spent so much time getting involved in its elections and trying to force my way into almost every President’s Drinks for most of my time here. As a JOURNALIST, not because I just wanted to be involved. Which is obviously the same reason I tried and failed to become RO – as some sort of anti-Union stand against “the establishment”. Not because I actually typify the establishment by being really right wing (before I was chucked out of my racist drinking society, the Viceroys, and then OUCA, where I was an officer) as well as boasting about my public school and how much time I spend in London gentleman’s clubs.

Everyone knows you can’t kill a hack using poison, does this person know anything about the union?

In any case I’ve tried that one already.
I snuck a few drops of my hair grease into Olivia’s tea every morning of the vac days, as soon as I heard Roberto was gone, but all that happened is that the toxicity burned my hands and I was forced to wear those damned white gloves for an entire week.
I hoped to work my way through standing until the presidency would finally fall unto me..

Also – saliva, tears, urine and blood do not work either.
I’m currently experimenting with one other bodily fluid, but acquiring it requires a little helping hand from the team of seccies who I lure into doing my dirty work.

David. For terms I have hovered above you, fluttering my angel wings and striking down the snakes in the union who obstruct your path. Resignations, scandals, missed meetings – that was all me. I have helped you remain on standing committee when all hope looked lost. I have even helped you find seccies depite your track record.
I have done this all because I believe in you Dave. You deserve that throne. I see your beady glare each time you enter the chamber – you want it too. BUT it is time to stop blaming others. Time to stop calling people traitors. You are a single independent cis white het (?) hack who don’t need anybody else. You must run independently for officership! The time is now! Ruuuuuuun DB ruuuuuuuuun. I will line for you from the heavens and spread anti narrative about your enemies. I vow to you that you will make it onto versa’s BNOCs list, be the most famous David in the country and maybe even have Olivia in her office.
Don’t sit by and watch freshers be promoted above you.
#DB in white tie
#backthebid

David Browne, rise up and be the champion that Oxford needs you to be.

For too long has the union been plagued with deceit, lies, snakes and of course traitors.

The time is now to run for president. You have your silent majority, you have your friends waiting to rally behind you. Spring forward like the neck of a viper waiting in the shadows and proclaim your claim to the greatest claim in the union.