* Okay, so as I wrote in the post below, I felt slightly ill-used by the MTV Movie Awards PR apparatus. However, the question they asked Mrs. Lincoln remains: what did I think of the show? Well, when I finally watched it at home after a long drive home and an only-at-Universal-City-Walk possibility of following up a Pink’s chili dog w/sauerkruat with a Tommy’s Chili burger, I found it…okay. It was loud, vulgar — and not always in a good way — and it had excellent production values that the Oscars could learn from. I think I was as moved as everyone else by Dr. Ken Jeong’s speech about his wife’s former illness.

On the other hand, I could have done with less of the Tom Cruise dancing with Jennifer Lopez thing. The Les Grossman character was very funny, and definitely reminiscent of some real Hollywood characters, in the context of “Tropic Thunder,” but now it seems to have taken on an unneeded life of its own that is starting to creep me out and not in a funny way. But, once again, no one is listening to me and Cruise is talking about, Lord helps us, a Grossman movie. I’m starting to think he should talk more about Scientology.

As far as I what I felt about the actual awards and the movies and performances that were recognized…is there even the slightest point in complaining? I don’t think there’s any pretense that these awards are intended to honor good movies. Of course the “Twilight” movie was going to win. And I guess it’s somehow appropriate to know there’s at least one award Christoph Waltz just can’t get for playing Col. Hans Landa.

One thing that irked me slightly and then later amused me greatly, but not for the reason the MTV producers would have liked, was the much remarked upon proliferation of swear words. I use relatively few curse words for a modern-day American, but I’m not particularly opposed to them, especially when used in a clever or entertaining fashion. In the context of a show where the curses are to go out bleeped, however, more than one or two in a sentence can be a real problem for the audience at home that doesn’t hear it, and it really did bury many of the jokes in a volley of random silence.

Still, one comic highlight was Peter Facinelli’s acceptance speech on behalf of the rest of the “Twilight: New Moon” cast in which he apparently simply overwhelmed the person on the kill-switch with his deliberate carpet F-bombing, and several fuck-words made it through. It was a really funny moment that did not go on unnoticed by society’s killjoys who, just this once, weren’t completely in the wrong, I suppose. I nevertheless believe that the religious fundamentalist-driven PTC should get a fucking life.

I know, you all secretly envy the glamorous life of we entertainment writers. The high pay, the fast cars, the loose women, the expensive perks, the free bottled water — okay, it’s only really the last of those that I’ve come to expect as a matter of course. That’s especially the case when I’m in a red carpet line and expected to stand in direct sunlight on a very warm day for three hours waiting to talk to people of note who never stop by.

Yes, we entertainment writers do occasionally get free food and beverages in return for showing up to cover red carpets and press days and the like. It’s all part of the PR machine and I suppose you could argue that sometimes it goes too far. However, most of it is is far from gourmet quality, very few of us are well paid, and if all takes to influence you to cover something positively rather than negatively is a free hoagie, some pasta salad, and a cupcake, integrity wasn’t exactly your middle name to start with.

Still, if people are going to be forced to stand around outside on quite a hot day for close to three hours, quite literally risking a case of mild sunstroke (my mistake for not bringing a hat, I suppose — and thanks to the nice guy next to who allowed me to use his freebie sunblock), then providing access to water might be a good idea. No one I saw fainted or became ill, but no one around me seemed very happy either. Of course, what we all really wanted was a chance for some fun and shallow conversation with celebrities. Since I mainly cover movies, and this was, after all, the MTV Movie Awards, people somehow related to them would be nice. Television is good, too, though my knowledge is not as broad there. Reality television is something else again.

And this is part where I have to confess that I went to the MTV Movies Awards Red Carpet and I only got a few odd celebrity photos and two brief interviews with young and, I’m sure, quite skilled young actors who are anything but household names. Considering the huge crush of better known media outlets, I wasn’t likely to get a moment with any genuine superstars — just, you know, someone. Okay, so Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, or Michael Cera or even Betty White or Zach Galifianakis or Ed Helms and Ken Jeong might be off the table, but, well, give me somebody or don’t bother to put me there at all. I’ve got better things to do than to make celebrities feel important by trying to get pictures of them as they rush into the air-conditioned confines of Universal’s Gibson Amphitheater.

Given the high ratio of big stars and the small number of mid-level personalities, interesting newcomers, or behind-the-camera talent, I had my suspicions early on. When I saw the costumed and photogenic young lady below, who turns out to ace celebrity stalker La Coacha, the “first protege” of Perez Hilton, I figured I’d better request a picture. It was just possible the attractive junior gossip hound would be the most famous person I’d meet. She was, as it turns out, definitely the prettiest.

Things have been a bit crazy at Casa Westal, what with this new regular blog gig and attendant mishegas and other projects, plus this afternoon the kind folks at AT&T let my household Internet go bye-bye. (I’m writing this at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf nearest me, because the other guys’ “free” Internet deal sucks beyond all words, even if they’re egg sandwiches are good and I actually like very darkly roasted coffee.)

Nevertheless, there is stuff to tell you.

* I’ve been remiss in failing to mention that Sunday’s Bruno/Slim Shady rectal contretemps has been confirmed as a staged event, via the wondrous and personally very cool Anne Thompson. However, Sacha Baron Cohen has at least on potential serious problem — a lawsuit that is a lot more serious than the “Borat made me look stupid and racist, possibly because I really am stupid and racist” actions that were brought against him before. This time a woman alleges that Baron Cohen’s crew attacked her to get a reaction for the film and that she is disabled as a result. If true, I have to wonder why criminal charges weren’t filed, and as Matthew Belloni comments, the timing (just prior to the release of the “Bruno” movie) is worth noting.

* THR and Variety both have reviews of “Land of the Lost.” Neither cares for it. As for the original series, Variety‘s Brian Lowry refers to it as “campy” and Kirk Honeycutt refers to the show as being “fondly remembered (in some quarters).” Those quarters would belong to our own Ross Ruediger. Read on….

* And one more item from Anne Thompson. Something calling itself the Ultimate Movie Site is in beta. At first blush, I’m not feeling it. It’s definitely ambitious, but also strikes me as a little confusing and unfocused in its lay-out and in precisely what it’s trying to do. And, if something calling itself that doesn’t work for this mega-movie geek, will it work for others? Besides, I thought this was the ultimate movie site….

So, just to explain myself real briefly, for the time being you’re going to see the tiny little letters of my name a lot more often ’round these parts, as I’ll be blogging a couple of times a day, every day (or close to it), on movies and such. I’m going to try and keep things short and sweet but my record on those matters is a bit, er, mixed. It’s just very important to me that you know the whole story.

Anyhow, one interesting aspect of this gig is that I’ll be paying attention to things that before might have only gotten a cursory glance from me. Like the MTV Movie Awards.

Not surprisingly, as per Variety, “Twilight” won the most awards and “High School Musical 3: Senior Year” won stuff as well in the teeny-bopper friendly proceedings, while Andy Samberg and Will Ferrell performed a routine noting the ever increasing filmic phenomenon of movie tough guys who are so cool they refuse to look at explosions. (I haven’t seen the clip, which has already been pulled off YouTube, but that action film cliche goes back at least 13 years to “From Dusk ‘Till Dawn” and continues on into 2007’s “No Country for Old Men” and beyond I’m sure. Personally, I really would like to see Daniel Craig or Russell Crowe as a movie bomber pause to look at an explosion and go, “Wow…that’s so cool; I probably just incinerated a bunch of people, too. Sweet.”)

But none of that is the big news. That would be Sacha Baron Cohen, promoting his upcoming film starring his very, very gay character, Brüno, by doing what he always does — and his target was the rapper most frequently associated with the word “homophobia.” A video is worth a thousand words. (Via Nikki Finke.)

So, the big question is: Was the event staged and, if so, to what degree? Eminem looked genuinely surprised and angry to me and Nikki Finke’s commenters (those elusive “industry insiders” perhaps?) have theories on how some, but not all of it, might have been spontaneous. He might be an okay actor, but I don’t think his reaction, though somewhat understandable if all is as it appears, does anything for the extremely talented but seriously messed up Shady’s image, so why would he fake that? Also, if a hand-puppet could get him angry, a real Anglo-Israeli’s buttocks and barely covered private parts should really do the trick. Via MTV, Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, has already weighed in. (“I sat on Eminem’s face long before Brüno ever did.”) Any other thoughts?