Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable intense relationships, distorted self-image, extreme emotions and impulsiveness.

With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.

Borderline personality disorder usually begins by early adulthood. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age.

If you have borderline personality disorder, don’t get discouraged. Many people with this disorder get better over time with treatment and can learn to live satisfying lives.

Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.

Signs and symptoms may include:

An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection

A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn’t care enough or is cruel

Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don’t exist at all

Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours

Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship

Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection

Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety

Ongoing feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

Studies have shown that there are three patterns of behavior that hamper communication and, when repeated, may destroy your relationship. While there are positive things to do to, here are three behaviors to avoid: being critical, defensive and detached.

1. Criticism

Criticism means censure, personal attack or denouncement. This is a message from the “you” perspective. It is not the same as complaint. The difference, while subtle, is pregnant with consequences: when criticizing, we refer to a person, and when complaining we indicate a behavior we wish to be changed.

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2 and 3. A defensive attitude and emotional detachment

Perhaps the other person in the relationship is constantly criticizing you and takes everything out on you. It is natural that you become defensive and avoid taking responsibility. It is nearly an instinctive reaction. The thing is that it takes you nowhere. A defensive attitude and emotional detachment effectively prevent us from communicating with one another; they are conducive to distance and barriers. This makes communication increasingly difficult, if not impossible.