Doug is a living nightmare for health-insurance companies: He’s more than accident-prone — he’s a lightning rod for calamities.

In Rajiv Joseph’s uneven play “Gruesome Playground Injuries,” we check in on Doug (Pablo Schreiber, currently in FX’s “Lights Out”) and his best friend, Kayleen (Jennifer Carpenter, from “Dexter”), at various points between the ages of 8 and 38. But instead of graduations and engagements, these 30 years are punctuated by Doug’s mishaps.

Wherever he goes, whatever he does, Doug hurts himself. Some of the accidents aren’t all that surprising — going on a roof during an electrical storm and playing with fireworks is asking for trouble.

But even the most innocuous activities turn into minefields for Doug, who once twisted his ankle doing the limbo at a school dance.

To this gimmick, Joseph adds another: The action jumps back and forth in time, so the actors must play 8-year-olds, then 23, 13, 28, 18 and so on.

The author has a taste for such gambits: A lead character in his Pulitzer-finalist drama “Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo,” opening on Broadway next month, is the titular big cat — to be played by Robin Williams.

Here, director Scott Ellis stages the two-hander with cool simplicity in Neil Patel’s antiseptic set. The appealing Schreiber and Carpenter deftly evoke varying ages, from the gawky bravado of adolescence to the misery of adults who can’t face their feelings.

It’s the play’s flat patches that stump them, particularly when it comes to the supposedly irrepressible bond between Doug and Kayleen.

“You’ve always been able to mend my wounds,” he tells her. This cuts to the core of their unlikely relationship, because the prickly Kayleen doesn’t look like the nursing type.

While she has the cool intensity and defensive snarl of an emo girl, we gradually realize that her unrest goes beyond teen posing. Kayleen is as self-destructive, as banged-up as Doug, though her wounds are less obvious to the naked eye.

Despite this obvious parallel, the characters’ affection for each other often feels forced: We’re told it exists, but don’t get any evidence. How can these soul mates lose contact for years at a time in our age of constant communication, for example?

This is just one of several instances in which the play could have used some doctoring of its own.