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Monday, April 6, 2009

Usually I let stupid comments slide for the mere fact that they are based off stupidity and ignorance and heck why entertain such low lifes...but I think that there are people that don't know about other cultures and how or why we do things and think that by asking such a rude question deems them to be high and mighty, so let me break it down...

Q: Wow... how unrealistic. All this for an 18th birthday? Why? What's the big deal? Your family has cash like this to burn on a girl's birthday, fit for a wedding reception, and others are struggling to pay the bills. Huh.

A: Uhhh, it's NOT unrealistic, maybe for you darling, but these kinda parties happen all the time. MTV's "Sweet Sixteen" is a little extreme, featuring spoiled, rude brats who happen to have rich ass parents and their own pony, and have 2 cars as their bday present one for M-F, and one for the weekends. But in real life there are "coming of age" parties such as quinceaneras (when a girl turns 15), bat-mitzvah's (when a Jewish young woman reaches the age of 12 going on 13), Sweet 16's, and for us Filipinos, a debut (when a girl is celebrated as a woman at the age of 18). IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

Like I mentioned before, my sister has NEVER asked for anything from me or my parents. She is not the typical teenager that asks for a new car, money, or anything like that. So for my parents and my grandparents to throw her such an amazing party she'll remember for the rest of her life, pales in comparison to how amazing of a person she is. She DESERVES every damn penny that was spent on that party- to me, it was all the years she has NEVER ASKED for stuff. A debut is TRADITION. Everyone celebrates their "coming of age" party in a different way, for me, I had a small party simply because I wanted a car instead, and I got a nice hand me down car that was already paid off (NOT a new car) and I was happy with it. My parents DO NOT spoil us, they never gave us allowance, bought us only the things we needed over the things we wanted, and kept us grounded.

My family does not have "cash to burn", and if they did, who cares, it's their hard earned money...it's called savings sweetie. And honestly my parents have been saving for her extravagant party since they found out my mom was having another girl! LOL, it's a damn tradition to celebrate at 18. Not everyone lives paycheck to paycheck. There's a huge difference between being rich and knowing how to save money. And my money, as well as my family's money is HARD-EARNED money with years of hard work, blood, sweat, and tears. My biggest pet-peeve is when people just assume you are rich or ask me how I am able to afford all this makeup, is it REALLY that hard to believe that there are people that can actually have a really great job and know how to save? Why work so hard and not be able to buy yourself something? I don't know why people care so much when it comes to how other people spend their money, jealousy perhaps???

I know the economy has gone to shit and there are people struggling, but not everyone is struggling and can continue to support their lifestyle- lavish or not. I feel for those of you who are going through hard times right now, I know it's tough. And I know many of you have had to tap into savings to get by and it sucks (I've done this at one time or another myself), and there are people that still have months or years of savings to help get them by, but life isn't going to stop, bills aren't going to stop, you just gotta deal with the cards you are dealt with and remain strong and positive. And if YOU are struggling (this particular person), I am sorry to hear that, but that's YOUR problem, not mine. So I should stop spending MY money or have my parents stop throwing my sisters' a party just because your broke ass is struggling to pay bills??! If you are struggling to pay bills, then why don't YOU work hard and find a better solution to your situation rather than sitting their and complaining about everyone else. Go and find a better job or a better way of making ends meet rather than wasting time leaving ignorant comments when you should worry about paying your bills? :)

Remember kids, hating and jealousy gets you nowhere. Simply channel that animosity into something positive for yourself, allow it to push you and motivate you to create a better life for yourself and be a better person. Anytime I am envious of something or someone, I am complimenting them at the same time inside. I just push myself to get to where they are or to be above them- challenge yourself. The ultimate reward is truly gratifying because you did it on your own without having to put anyone down in the process.

84 comments

omg that is such an annoying question! she's just jealous. and yes, its tradition for filipinos to celebrate a girl's 18th bday with a debut. even for those in the middle class or with little money, people still throw debuts here nowadays. its easy for people to be insensitive like that to comment rudely. but its their opinion anyway and their opinion would never matter.

My neighbor flew all the way to Philippines to have her catilion and I guess my mom asked them why so far away - wouldn't it cost more? You know stuff being much cheaper over there, they could go more all out and actually spend less then they would have it here. Anywho, I don't see the big deal of having a big party? If other people are struggling with money - how is that YOUR problem, ya know?

Well said! Your family SAVED money so that they could spend it on something IMPORTANT! That is so wonderful!

My father was born poor, and he used to live paycheck to paycheck. Then he met my mother, who showed him all the money he was wasting every month by eating out and spending it on things he couldn't even remember. The result? A better work ethic, a better appreciation for money, and a much better quality of life.

Your sister will certainly remember her party for the rest of her life, just as you surely remember your first car!

Thank you for this post. As a Filipina I understand the tradition of Debuts and I'm glad you put that ignorant girl in her place. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of for taking pride in your sister's party and as it does take all 18 years to actually save up for such an event - it is all well worth it. It's a shame that whomever left you a rotten message is so pathetic and jealous they can't celebrate such a fabulous time in a young girl's life. I honestly believe that whomever left you that message is just a bitter spoil sport who doesn't get what she wants she has to take others down with her. I'm so happy that your sister and your family had a beautiful ceremony and a fabulous time enjoying a momentous occassion! Lots of love to you

i applaud you!! i was in my friend's debut and you're right!! they start from day 1 once they know they are having a girl!! she took those special dance class lessons since she could walk to do that umm..bamboo dance. it was hardcore...but anyways!! thank you for speaking your mind and standing up for yourself and our family!!

i love your blog, and people shouldn't leave rude comments, but it also kinda sounds like because someone left a negative comment about people with money you're getting a little down on people who don't have money. not everyone can "go to jobs.com" and automatically get a job, because of the economy and other situations. i think that on both ends of the spectrum people should try not to get down on others and respect those who have a lot of money/saved money etc and those who don't. people can spend their earned money on whatever they choose, and it takes hard work, but say someone doesn't necessarily have a lot of money, it doesn't mean they also haven't worked hard or tried themselves. not that you said it's their fault, but by saying "your broke ass" etc makes you sound kind of insensitive. If someone didn't throw them a party that doesn't mean something's wrong with them or they're not "classy." though i can see what you wrote could have been out of anger because they hurt you feelings, and i know you're directing your post at them and not all people who don't have money.they probably felt bad and so they tried to make you feel bad.my opinion, thanks.

omg soo true! everytime someone comments like that when bloggers post hauls just PISSES me off. I SAVE for my makeup, as in I set aside a little every week. Some of these people seriously are POOR, but most are BROKE because they can't save. BIG difference.

when i turned 18. my family planned for me to go to the philippines to celebrate it there. i went to my principal's office to inform her that i would be away for just under 2 weeks for this occasion and she TOLD ME that i should have TOLD her about it first before planning it ... i wasn't there to ask permission whether to have my 18th from my school principal .. i was there to inform her LOL. again. it's because she doesn't understand tradition.

Wow. I didn't know that our financial crisis could also make people oblivious to cultural diversity. Clearly that person is having issues if they're getting mad at other people spending THEIR OWN money. Debuts are tradition and are meant to be celebrated extravagantly. Besides, this was your family's hard-earned money and how you use it is your own business.

omg!!I can't believe you received such a mean comment and you've addressed it so well! That party you could see from the pictures that it came from the heart!!! Your sister is so glowing, happy and you have such a beautiful family!!

Honestly V....I don't feel like you have to explain anything to anyone. True, the economy is struggling and true some of us live paycheck to paycheck (that's me, yo!) BUT that has nothing to do with those that can afford to give their children beautiful parties. If anything, it should be motivation for the rest of us to save money so that we can do the same for our family members.

You can't MAKE people understand that. You rock on, my sister. But don't pay the haters any mind.

taintedxlove33- I wasn't being insensitive, perhaps you took it the wrong way, you are right it was directed only to that person and I am aware how hard it is to find a job hence "find a better solution to your situation", regardless, if someone is going through a hard time, I am sorry to hear that but again it's NOT my problem. Overall, this person should not judge my family or how their money should be spent. It has NOTHING to do with the economy or how people are struggling, the basis of the comment was rude in itself and I didn't feel that my response was insensitive because I DO understand that people are struggling because of the economy, but they aren't telling me how to spend my money, THIS particular person was, see the difference? Hence they aren't gaining any sympathy from me.

p.s. If you wikipedia "bat-mitzfah" they mention that it starts at 12. :)

Well said Nessa! Well said! And true, 18th birthday party is a tradition for our culture. I didn't have an extravagant party but I celebrated it still! True about the economy going down, but we cannot stop people or dictate people on how they spend their money because in the first place..it IS THEIR MONEY! :) It's nice for you to answer this so people who doesn't know get to understand!

Nessa, you really shouldn't even acknowledge asshats that question a persons motivation to celebrate. the party looks like it was awesome, all your family looked gorgeous and i thank you for sharing such beautiful moments with your readers.

I think you are a very sweet person from the fact I asked a question before and you nicely responded with like three paragraphs! It showed how much you care about your blog-viewers and I understand you must have been very upset when that person even bothered to rudely comment. Like they say, 'if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all'. I hope you got it off your chest!

AMEN! your sister totally deserved that party - tradition or otherwise :) I opted to celebrate my debut late so that I could go to the Philippines and celebrate with all my relatives - sure it might have cost more for my whole family to fly over there, but it was one of those rare summers when everyone was together. that person obviously didn't take your family's culture into consideration, and the fact that your sister never really asked for anything in her life really shows her character.

damn. i couldn't have said it better myself. I didn't even have a debu. I didn't have enough people and plus.. i didn't want to be the center of attention. i just rathered spend time with the family with a little get together.. but now that my little cousin's is coming up they're splurging on that. but hey, just like your sister, she deserves it. some people just aren't cultured i would have just left them to their ignorance but go you! haha. :D

Good for you Vanessa! To be honest with you, I used to ask the same question about how people can afford all of this makeup, but then I thought who am I to judge? I spend my money on Coach bags and people used to ask me the same thing about those! If people make their own money, it's up to them and ONLY them how they spend it.

Your response was composed and well said. I believe that person had nothing better to do than to leave a nasty comment on your page. The only thing I'm throwing out there is that you not use the word "retarded" to describe a situation as it is demeaning. For a long time the r-word has slipped under the radar of epithets and we shouldn't be attaching that word to bad situations as it has a stigma. Just a thought...

LOL I cant believe someone asked that!! Every filipino I know has had a debut except me because I hate being the centre of attention. Also if someone's parents wanna send it on their own daughter, why the heck not? I have no objection to people who spend their own money =p

Witty (Kelly)- I agree Kelly, I should have not used that word at all, I think I was just angry and spewing whatever out at the moment, and constantly hear people use it out of habit (like the word "ghetto"), but you are absolutely correct, thanks for that I am about to edit it. :)

Jew girl here didn't know anything about debuts, but it makes no difference.1. If you have the ability to pay for it, what's the issue? Are you supposed to go to Skid Row and hand it out?2. A lavish party for whatever the reason: wedding, bar/bat mitzvah, debut, sweet 16 is also helping the economy. All the people who were hired to put something like this together are also hurting from the economy. Do you think the florist, caterer, or photographer has not felt the effects of this recession as well? Getting an event is a Godsend to them - they're having just as difficult a time feeding their families as you, taintedlove.3. Vanessa's sister's birthday was not exactly a surprise. Her family has known for 18 years when the date was. This has allowed them to save for this party for as long as they needed to. For all I know, Nessa's father is independently wealthy, gives thousands of dollars for philanthropic causes, or he could just as easily be living hand to mouth. I can't speak for anyone else, but my child comes first. I will forego necessities for myself to provide for her. If she gets into an Ivy League college (which she won't), I will give up my own luxuries to pay that tuition. I would sell my house and my car if that's what it took. Who's to say that this debut isn't as important to the Garcia family?4. Just a side note for Nessa - a Bar/Bat Mitzvah may begin at 12, meaning that's the final year of preparation, but yes, they do take place on/around one's 13th birthday. 13, in Jewish tradition, is when one is considered to enter adulthood.5. I'm getting off my soapbox now!

I don't understand why this person had to leave such a flame. It's not her business to tell you or your family how to spend money. Yes, the economy sucks at the moment, but some people are still doing well.

This gal had a choice to continue reading your blog or stop. If something bothered me I'd skip the post or move on.

There will always be people who want to criticise EVERYTHING you do. Since you can't please everyone just look to please yourself. I think your sister's party was beautiful and you have a warm loving family.

Thank you Candice and everyone else for your 2 cents and support, it's nice to know that many of you can relate as you have experienced these parties yourself and have fond memories of your special day; and know how much time and hard work it takes to pull of such an event. You fully understand that many of our parents never experienced even half of the things they have done for us, and it's their way of showing that they are proud and love us.

Going along the argument of the economy, like Robyn mentioned, caterers, event planners, DJ's, etc, are also suffering from the recession and this crazy economy, and if anything I am grateful that my family was able to somewhat help THEM in the process and stimulate a small source of income for them.

All in all, this was an experience for my sister that I would never take back and I know she wouldn't take it back either for anything in this world because she had a great time with her family and friends and it was well-deserved. And lastly, spend your money how you see fit!

I had a cotillion, too. It was a lot bigger than my wedding, but my wedding was really simple. There might be a recession, but it is a tradition, not jsut with filipinos, I mean, it started in Europe. You do with your money what you see fit. I buy makeup, you save...some people do cotillions. Who are we to judge?

Whoever posted that comment to you is probably not "culturally aware", which sucks for them! Just because people are struggling the world doesn't have to stop. Besides your sisters party HELPED the economy! From the venue where it was held to every detail from the food, decorations, dresses, hair styling.... Think of the trickle down effect, so every penny helped the economy & made your sister happy! Workers were able to get a paycheck, the caters got business and were able to provide food, even the people who cleaned up after had a little more job security.... I'm blabbling, I hate ignorant uncultured aware people!XoXo

I'm a long time reader of your blog but first time poster. I just want to say, well said. It is not anyone's job to judge where you spend your money on. In fact you guys are really saving the economy with your spending! I hope no one in your family got upset by this stupid comment and I'm glad that your sister had an absolutely beautiful party, something she will remember for the rest of her life.

That poster is just very very very jealous of you guys and definitely did not get a party when she SOOOO wanted one. Jealousy is an ugly monster, don't let her drag you down with her!

Well, i totally support Vanessa.I'm italian, and here in italy you throw big parties when you come of age (18, for italian law).I did.My bro did.Mum and dad were happy to spend fot that, and honestly I still remember that day, and it's in my heart.They didn't spend that much, probabily more than other parents were able to do those days, but that's life, wherever you go you'll find someone that is doing better than you, and someone who's doing worse than you.And, in italy we celebrate even when we graduate.I'm 28, don't think i'm unrealistic and old!Laura

That reader's question was indeed ignorant and stupid. Kudos to you for telling her off. It's YOUR money and therefore YOUR business to spend it in any way you wish. I can't wait to be financially indepedent so that I can buy "junk" (haha).

I think it's amazing that your sister received such a lavish 18th birthday. She definitely won't forget it.

Its your money, why not spend it on someone you love? What else do we need it for? Money does not make you happy, it the times you spend together as a family that makes us happy. That right there, was MONEY WELL SPENT!

what an ignorant bitch! i'm so glad you answered that lady like cuz i know i woulda had a fit! i had a debut as well, and that shit was money well spent. yes we don't have a lot of money, but keeping tradition alive and celebrating it with friends and family [in a very grand way], that shit is priceless to me so i dunno who that bitch thinks she is, but she needs some damn manners!

ii love how you handled that "reader question" really well. good for you =D

&& it honestly gets on my nerves when ppl ask me how ii can spend my money for the sake of my own pleasure. ii work for my money && ii think its up to me how ii spend my own money, cuz ii think ii deserve a special something for being able to work that hard.

Hey Vanessa.. Brush that off your shoulders, which I am sure you have already. That email or comment is laced with jealously and envy. Maybe that person is going thru hardship and have mis directed it to you. Your sister'd party was beautiful and I am sure she will remember it for the rest of her life. Keep doing what you do.

I really love how the first thing I "got" from the person asking the question was this feeling of absolute disdain. Seriously, I was like, "Well, what you are is uncultured and ignorant!" Some people value cultural traditions more than they value things like money. I get it, the economy is pretty crappy right now; does that mean we have to stop celebrating these milestones in the lives of those we love? Your sister looked gorgeous and more important, HAPPY in the photos you posted of her debut. I feel badly for whoever thinks spending money to celebrate a person's life is bad.

Good job girlie! Usually you do not want to address haters but sometimes some comments NEED a response. I totally agree with the whole its your parent hard earned money and as long as you guys can hold your heads up and say yes I did through this party for my daughter, I also had a quinceñera, and its worth it because it is a chance for your parents and their loved ones celebrate such a happy occasion!

Vanessa, don´t listen to that stupid person with no brain at all!!! People should respect more different cultures. I'm Spanish and I understand you perfectly.Maybe she should travel more to open her mind a bit....TAKE CARE

This is not directed to you, Vanessa, but to some people who have commented. The other reader was downright rude, but some people are going "how can she be so stupid not to know this is absolutely common for the philipine (sp?) culture?". Well, remember that this blog has reader from literally all around the world. I myself am portuguese, and I had no idea it was common to have debuts at 18, and yes, I thought the party was a bit over the top, but whatever, it's not my party, not my money, not my life, so I could care less. I had no idea this was common, this type of stuff just isn't done here. Maybe that girl who posted that comment is from a country where this is also considered too much? That doesn't excuse her rudeness, but that doesn't make her ignorant. Does the fact that I also had no ideia of this make me ignorant and uncultured like some of you said? Because I bet you don't know many things about my culture, for instance, and I don't think you are ignorant for that.

Hi Nadia, you are absolutely correct and thank you for your opinion, you are obviously very intelligent and are not ignorant, and I know there are many of us including myself that do not know about a lot of cultures, I think the basis of this person's remark that was rude was the assumption that my parents had "cash to burn" while insinuating that my sister perhaps did not deserve such an elaborate event while others are "struggling". I took it upon myself to explain that these types of parties happen all the time; not just to MY culture, but in a lot of other cultures as well.

I am assuming she was unaware of debuts in my culture, but the whole basis of being ignorant was at the latter portion of her comment holding MY family accountable for HER struggling to pay her bills.

well said hun! it really does irk ones mind to have such ignorance be displayed all over your comment box. glad to know there are many others who have some semblance of right and wrong and just be sensitive to things such as culture. i'm sure the reader was taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. THAT was what i learned growing up here. even if you dont' know others culture, you at least know manners.

First of all:The recession in our economy has nothing to do with your sister's debut! Come on ppl., have some common sense!

I, simply, cannot STAND when people ask "how'd you buy all of that?," or anything pertaining to money spent on myself or others- it's flat out rude, it's none of anyone's business, and people need to learn how to keep their thoughts to themselves.

Unfortunately, we cannot control other's opinions or comments- however, I am glad you posted this, to let other people know that you won't put up with their sh*t!

YES! A round of applause to you for that amazingly well-thought-out response. HELL YES was what kept going around in my head as I was reading. Hard-earned money that is carefully saved and also allows you to treat yourself is what I've been doing all this time too. Thank you Vanessa for speaking out. Your thoughts depict what I have felt inside for a long time. =)

Take this for what it is worth. Everytime I see your pics, Hauls, parties you go to, etc....I must admit, I get a little green eyed with ENVY!! :-)

But, I see that you work hard for all you have and when I saw pictures of your sisters party- I was like "DAMN! That was better than my wedding." But- at no point did I feel resentment.

Your parents had EVERY RIGHT to throw her that party. I think the person who wrote that did so out of pure sadness that SHE did not get the same thing. People who grow up in low level income families cannot FATHOM why people would throw such parties. Personally, growing up, I never had money. I MADE MY MONEY, and therefore grew to RESPECT MY MONEY.

Also- if the person who wrote that was a parent, which I can tell by her sarcasm she isn't...she would know that a parent who LOVES their child will do ANYTHING to make them happy. I know I would, even if it means skipping my next trip to MAC so that my son can have what he wants/needs.

So, Nessa...yes, you make some of us just a tad jealous, but in a GOOD way!! You show a possiblity of what we CAN do. Don't stop being you or living your life! I adore you- and all the MAKE-UP that comes with you!!

Thank you LOVEBIRDS!!, I truly appreciate your honesty and I am glad that you can see the sacrifices a parent makes for their child and how their happiness is a priority. I totally feel you on that, even though I do not have kids myself, I am the eldest and my younger siblings are like my kids and I know I would do anything for them. So thank you for that, your comment was very inspiration and a fresh breath of air!

I think it's really brave of you to put your life out there, so people are always going to hate...even if it wasn't a party they'd find something else. I think we need to stop judging other people and how they spend their money and be responsible with our own and happy with ourselves. If someone doesn't understand a culture, they can ask a question without sounding critical. I hope to one day be able to do my makeup half as good as yours...love your blog!

Man wat haters!!! Please Vanessa, don't stop posting or sharing the bee-yu-tiful pictures that you and your talented family take. I love reading your blog and have learned sooo much. These haters are just jealous of you, I guess that's a compliment, in a strange kind of way. You're parents are sooo lucky to have grateful, well-mannered, intelligent and beautiful children. Please keep blogging, and don't let those stupid haters ever discourage you. The people who really love your blog, which means that we really really like you too, lol, far outnumber the haters.

This person should go live in a communist country. I personally haven't been affected much by the "recession" and although I know that there are people who are affected by it, I feel like it is being kind of exaggerated and the idea of it is being used by companies to sell more. Every freakkin commercial on TV talks about how you should buy their product/service because of the recession. I also think that some people (perhaps this person) are using the recession as an excuse to not better themselves. Regardless, there are always poor and rich people, and those who work hard or don't in both categories --but the bottom like is that you spend your money however you want and to make yourself happy-- and even if you wanted to help others you really couldn't help everyone. I think that your emphasis on that it's not your problem is a really good point. Not that we shouldn't help others, but it is survival of the fittest out there and there's no communism in the US.

I totally agree with you!! My parents threw me a debut as well and my parents save their money and they worked really hard for the money. And because of this, others think that i'm hella rich and stuff, and i hate when people say that because we don't get money just like that, especially for my parents, they work long and hard to give us what we need. but yea, that was really rude of that person to judge like that.

I think that person was speaking with jealousy. I would say to not let it bother you too much but honestly, I'm annoyed right along with you. Everything you said is right. Plus, who the hell cares if your parents are rich or saved or didn't save & put it on their credit card?? They are free to do whatever the hell they want with their money!

I'm a huge fan of your blog and check it daily, and I was highly annoyed with this person's comment as well. I applaud you for handling it so well, making so many valid points. Whether or not this person does or does not have money to spend on "extra" things in life, they obviously don't understand and were speaking out of turn! Your parents did a wonderful job making your sister's debut special (and didn't they HELP the economy in the process?The businesses they paid in the process needed the income as well!)

oh yess you said it girl ! i applaud you for your classy response =) and i totally agree with the whole "saving money" thing , seriously life just doesn`t have to be about paying the bills . besides it`s tradition for us filipinos right ?! some people need to get their head around issues and understand the meaning behind them rather than making assumptions ..xoxo

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