From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Memoirs – Chapter Eighteen

Nothing motivates a man more than being called a child by a woman, any woman in fact. It hurts more if its a woman you are sleeping with. That is like asking him why he has such a small dick in the middle of sex. Believe me that would crush a man’s spirit and haunt him forever. There is no doubt that most men behave like children and feel entitled to a lot of things just as kids do. We always seem to want more and do not often think through the consequences. We will rather react to a situation than actually prevent it when it involves a woman and getting some. There is a reason why they say the truth hurts so calling a man a boy, well, I live that up for debate. When she called me that I saw read. My first instinct was to shout at her for the ultimate disrespect but as I redialed I changed my mind, needed to play it cool. When you are having an affair with someone you actually don’t realize until they have this uncanny power over you. They are like a drug and you want more and more. Yes you will complain about the mind games but to be fair that mysteriousness in them is what intrigues you. This is what makes you fall deeper into them. They never make you settle into a routine. That’s why you always want more.

She picked up the phone with so much attitude I thought she would hang up again immediately. She asked me if I had decided to man up of which again I bumbled through it like the boy she had said I am. I told her she must stop this nonsense if we were to continue this of which she retorted that she never said there was anything between us. That’s what power does. That arrogance that can break you! Most men in relationships are the ones in charge and in control of the relationship and that’s why their women run after them even if they are shit partners. All men know that. Its therefore poetic justice when it is her that takes that power and you are left wanting more. She told me that she wanted me to make it up to her. Obviously I said yes. She said she will give me a time and place when she will call in the debt. I was intrigued. A woman who played games and was good at it. I was up for the challenge!

When I put down my phone my wife called and said she wanted to pass through my office. She needed money for something as her account had a swiping limit. For the first time in our marriage I told her that no! What now? I told her she shops too much and is wasting money. I think she was shocked by the way I said no because she always got things her way. It was very unlike me to snap at her. I was actually embarrassed at myself. I could feel that slowly I was changing. Why would I shout at the girl I had loved so much to turn into my wife? Khanyi was changing me but at the time it did not register. I think this is the worst think about an affair. You lose sight of the your goals. I had been with my wife for so many years both in high school, university and now marriage yet Khanyi came less than two months ago and already I was chasing after her. That is the weakness in a man. We forget what we worked so hard to build in a moment and chase after illusions. I hung up the phone and told her to call me when there was an emergency for shopping for more curtains was not it!

When I got home I found my wife sitting on the table. There was a home cooked meal on the stove. This was the second time now she had cooked and a couple of days. She was on fire. I was about to compliment her when I noted that she seemed as though she had been sitting there for hours. She looked very worried indeed. I asked what was wrong and she said she was sorry. I did not understand what she meant. I asked her what she was talking about of course as I took off my tie. She said that this morning when she had called me wanting to go shopping she had not expected the response I gave her and how I had given it. I told her that the conversation was over that was this morning so what was she sorry for. She said she knew why I had said no and that it was her fault. I asked what it was then and she responded by saying that she had hurt me by accusing me of cheating. She said she should have known better and for that she apologized. She told me how she knew she had a good man on her hands and she did not want to spoil that by petty jealousy. Women women women! God bless them indeed! When it comes to money she can look for every excuse in the bible to justify her wanting it except for the one that was in her face, stop shopping! I looked for a moment and decided to milk it whilst I still could. I told her that I was not happy about how she had handled it. To call another woman to ask on me had been such a low blow. Surely she would make her friends think I am promiscuous just by that. She told me that she had not thought it through when she did it but this was the last time. I told her I was fine but my answer to the shopping was still no. We had to save for a holiday!

A holiday? Even I had not thought that through. You could see she was excited for she jumped up and hugged me and started asking me where I was taking her! All was forgotten yet again. Women love travelling and most of them take it like you are rewarding her for something. If you haven’t been laid yet by your girlfriend take her on a holiday and she will shag you till you turn blue. I don’t know why seeing a different place is so intriguing. Shopping I understand, you buy new things and your wardrobe and options increase. A holiday on the other hand, a decent one that is, hotels and flights alone you are looking at nothing less than ten thousand for two people. Imagine all the shopping you can do with that? Moreover we were already in Cape Town, most South Africans version and closest thing to being ‘overseas’ so where could we go?

In my mind however, now that I had to take Khanyi out I needed to pamper her, most women respond to that. They love trinkets and being spoilt. This would soften her a bit. Call me a boy really? She will see what I was made of. I had it all figured out as the plan evolved in my head!

If therefore I stopped my wife from shopping it meant that there was enough money saved up at home for both wife and my side dish! Well played!

Brilliant!

****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Heita Mike
Unjani baba. I am married to a good woman and as the mother of my child I love her. I drink but not too much. I am never home after eight so I try make sure that I stay out of problems. We have been married for four years. My problem is my wife is violent. She has a short temper and she can even throw a pot at you if it suits her at that moment. I am a clerk at work and once a female colleague called around seven at night asking where I had left keys for one of the offices at work. My wife assumed it was a mistress and she hit me hard with a broom handle it broke! I didn’t even see it coming. I am genuinely scared one day she will kill me. I can’t leave her with my child so divorce is hardly an option. I can’t even bring up the issue of her seeing someone for fear of her killing me in my sleep. I know other men will laugh at me and many relatives hers included both male and female have said I must give her one good beating and she will respect me as the man of the house! I am not that man. It is wrong to hit a woman and much as I want to put her straight, the thought of doing this really does not sit well with me. She will probably pour hot porridge on me if I do that in any case the way she is so vengeful. How do I keep my family together without allowing myself to be a punching bag?

Clerk, okokuqala nje u r not doing yo child any favors by staying in a violent marriage. I knw I would rather be raised in a broken home by a loving n caring parent dan being raised by abusive parents even if I’m not d 1 being abused. Stay in yo marriage bcos u luv yo wife n plz get ova yo fear n get her d help she needs b4 she kills u in front of yo child, being scared n doing nothing about yo situation is not going 2 change anything.

Clerk get a protection order against your wife and seek counselling for both of you if you still want to make the marriage. The only way for the aabuse to stop is for her to acknowledge her wrong and actively seek help otherwise you and your child are better oFf in a peaceful environment without her

Q&A. Hey man u can’t allow ur wife treat u di way she duz..it also not gud 4 ur child bt u need 2 man up now if u want all dis shit 2 end..1st ting u have 2 to do is dominate her in di bedroom becos woman don’t respect mans who are not gud @ bedroom even if de’re married 2 dem..fix bedroom 1st nd shw her dat u’re di bull in kraal..2ndly sit dwn and talk 2 her,tell her dat u’re tired of her behaivor nd if she will beat u again..u will divorce her nd u will rily do it..myk her beliv dat u will do it don’t be scared..man up nd gud luck

Its been a while since I commented, I loved today’s read lol of this book that is. I always enjoy Thandeka of course who doesnt. Again thank you Mike for everything, for helpig me personally to have something to look forward to everyday. I love your writting skills every book is unique and thats a great thing because it doesnt feel like you are reading the same thing over and over… Keep the great work up.

Clerk as much I would advice any woman to leave their partner who is abusive you should too,two wrongs don’t make a right. She is very disrespectful and doesn’t know what she has until its gone,so u wanna justify her abusive,insecure,crazy actions wit love,if she loved u she wouldn’t hurt you,u live in fear dat ur “loving wife” mite 1 day wanna kill you,its true what dey dat whn sm1 is abused dey don’t see it dey ar in denial dat da 1 person dey love can hurt dem soo much!get a divorce ur not happy,not loved,not respected,not cared 4 coz if she did she wldnt treat like dat no matter what u did wrong!

A2Q:
*BIG HUG* I’m so sorry ey, can’t imagine what you going through and what being in ur house makes you feel. Its time u stopped being afraid that wife of urs needs to be left, u can’t be abused in ur own house, your child can’t grow up in such an environment, obviously ur whole family know ur wife is abusive so family meeting won’t help. Tell her you are tired of her behaviour, it needs to change or you are taking ur son and divorcing her! Tell her she ought to prove to you why you fell inlove with her in the first place cz this monster she is now is not what u envisioned marriage to be. Time to take the bull by the horns if she fights you, pack her bags and tell her to leave. You should be loved and cherished u deserve a beautiful marriage.

P.S if she fails divorce is an option for new beginnins and happiness for you and your child.

yohh this guy if you promise your wife you are saving for a holiday you better save coz they are not stupit they count how much they have given up for a those months and when the time come and you don’t have you will be in for it.

Clerk, dont wanna be quick to say you are a good man but hey the concern about not just you kodwa nomtwana wakho gives you a thumbs up from me. Dude you had better wake up and smell the coffee before it freezez, you are exposing your child to a bad environmnet. You make no mention of loving your wife and wanting to stay because of her so I take it you would only wanna stay for the sake of your child, Please do not do that to yourself because it will end up in resentment towards her, rather trully seek councelling together. Do not wait for her to ge t angry before you guys talk about things youa re both unhappy about, rather get her on a good day as you are both in a good mood. Reason I say that is because your wife may feel that she cannnot talk to you or she has a lot of things that she is bottling up inside her and by the time she vents out she is too angry and no longer has controll over her actions. She might be concerned about your drinking even if you dont see at as a problem, she might feel like you spendtoo much time with your friends rather than with them or she might feel that you no longer see her as beautiful as she was because you rather spend time in the company f other people than her. So my dear it may be a lot of factors here so what im trying to say is people communicate when there is something at stake which means that she values your marriage but when she cries and just looks at you then it would mean she no longer beleives you guys can be fixed. So get someone to babysit, take her for a movie, following day try to cook with her and help her aound the house maybe by Wednesday after you finish helping her put your baby to bed, watch a home movie with her and then later take it to the bedroom. After all of this tell her how much you love and appreciate he and that you wish that you guys could speak about all issues of concern. You would be surprised, let her talk ad cry if she wants to uzobona after all of this. Sweety I cannot let her take the blame alone but if you love your family, then this too would be worth a try. *

Divorce has never been an option unless you have exhausted all avenues. My advice would be to speak to any one whom your wife is looking up to and respecting. in that instance, she will listen to that person. failure which, call both of your parents and explain to them what have you being experiencing.

Bring the pastor along and even the marriage councillors if need be. in that case, no one will say you did not try. No man or woman is supposed to be running away from their homes because of the other. A home is a place where a family must enjoy its comfort and warmth. not to go there and sleep at nite because you are staying away from troubles, as you are putting it.

To be honest, it is rare finding a man who is submissive to his wife as you are, actually, in most cases, the situation is another way round. Let me applaud you by taking the fisrt step in acknowledging that there is a problem and being man enough, you stood up and talked about it. That is the first step indeed.

Clerk:my cousin went through de same things his partner would beat him up if she thought he was cheating it got so worse he ended up in hospital coz she beat him up with a beer bottle he still has a scar on his face to show for that dats when he took out a restraining order against her the cops came to give her the papers she was so frightened since dat day she never laid her hands on him.i think u shld speak to ur wife and tell her dat u dnt appreciate her always beatin u up if she becomes hostile leave go sleep at a relatives house that will drive her insane thinking she might loose u she will stop her nonsense.her greatest fear is that she’s gonna loose u and when she realises gore the very thing she does will defintley make u leave her she will stop.i wish u all the best i know hw frustrating it was for my cousin to leave in that situation

“I think am gona stop reading this it is starting to frustrates me shem…. Spoil my morning 🙁 ” I completely agree with you Sparkle…. It’s 17:20 and I found myself yawning whilst reading this chapter… Not impressed at all 🙁

Mike, your work is wonderful, however, didnt you say in the beginning that the couple had met whilst he was in varsity? Now you say “I had been with my wife for so many years both in high school, university and now marriage” which is abit inconsistent. Maybe you are taking too much on your plate and compromising quality…otherwise great work

I also noticed that Another one, but then I thought he meant they have known each other from high school even though they were not in a relationship.

Clerk, no one needs to be a relationship where one partner is afraid of the other, its just not allowed. Do something, man up to your wife, tell her how you do not like the way she treats you. You will find that she thinks its ok to do what she is doing for your marriage to work meanwhile she is actually ruining it. Khuluma baba ngeke akubulale.

Yes I also think we need feedback from the people we advise to see whether we are effective or not other than that Mike close your eyes to negative comments, this blog will help a lot of people, do not worry some people cannot do one positive thing and yet they complain about spelling mistakes . Ake uzame ubhale eyakho incwadi noma uvale umlomo.

I am so afraid to get married. People are just so messed up. It’s either the man realises late that he married the wrong person or the woman gets super devastated. What happened to love. Everyone is always posting questions about their messed up lives stop posting questions, you know the answers just get out. People let’s strive for happiness instead of tolerance, convenience, fear or dishonesty. Am I hoping for unrealistic goals or is this what life is about. Can the happy people post something too? I need encouragement please.