Are you dimming your light?

Is your light on or off? Right now.Take a quick test: Do you feel flush with enthusiasm? Beautiful? Strong? Confident? Good. Then your light is on.

And, ummmm…. If you are annoyed or irritated by this question, your light is resoundingly off.

There are lots of very good reasons why we dim our light, or turn them off completely.

Maybe your husband hasn’t looked at you as if you are the most gorgeous creature on earth in a long, long time. So you flip your inner switch to off. Or maybe your boss constantly makes you feel inadequate, undervalued and passed over, time and time again. The flickering light inside you gets dimmer and darker. Or perhaps just waking up to our hurting planet and divided people has you just shut it right down, then and there.

Light is everything. No light, no life. It’s that simple.

Do you notice other women’s light? I am sure you do. You can tell right away whether it is on – or off.

When a woman’s light is on, she is approachable. You can connect with her. She is open, beautiful, filled with life. She ignites you and takes you higher. She walks into a room, and no matter what she’s wearing, what she says or does . . . she just glows. She’s magnetic.

Over the years, my students and grads have noticed this quality in each other. They’ve named it the “Mastery glow.” And what happens is they start getting asked, “Are you in love?” “Did you change something about your hair?” “What is happening to you?” The answer is simple: they turned their light back on.

See, inside the Mastery classroom and inside this community and this movement, you are given permission to stop dimming your light. And instead, to flip those high beams on.

On the other hand, when a woman’s light is off, you can feel that too. You approach her differently. You regard her cautiously, wondering what kind of darkness you might be encountering.

Will she snap at you? Ignore you? Resent you? Bring you down? Find you irritating?

We all have so many unspoken ways of navigating light, or the lack thereof. Do you become ultra chirpy and chatty with strangers, like I do, when navigating the interminable lines at the DMV? Or do you dial your light down to zero so as not to stick out too much?

I do a daily check-in call with my pal Ruth, and I can tell from her first word whether her light is on or not. Radiance communicates without words. We can hear when it’s present, hear when it’s absent. And she with me.

Nothing can live without light. Including a woman. And yet so many women do.

Too many women live with a steady diet of depression, self-doubt, self-hatred, self-criticism, self-sabotage. The moment doubt creeps into a woman’s head, her light dials down a bit. Add a dose of disapproval, her light is down to a flicker. She can completely extinguish her life-giving power in the time it takes to have a sabotaging thought of self-loathing.

The interesting thing about light is that it is not dependent on outside circumstances. We all know the most overprivileged, overindulged women who have slammed the door on their light. And we all know the most humble women of modest means whose lights are blazing strong.

Light is an inside job.

Join me in the comments below to explore this topic even more:

How are you doing, in relationship with your own light? A generator? Or a power sucker?

How do you handle women whose light is dimmer than yours? Run? Or take her higher?

All my love,Regena Thomashauer, aka “Mama Gena” The School of Womanly Arts

p.s. Our Womanly Arts Mastery Program happens once a year and class starts next month. Last year we had a long waiting list, so if you are at all intrigued or have an intuitive pull, talk one-on-one with my staff (all course grads themselves). Let’s get that glow, going – it changes everything. Xo

Thank you for this post. My light waxes ansd wanes. Since the weekend in New York, I am learning that women in my life are light enhancers though sometimes I am overwhelmed with their forthrightNess and clarity of purpose. I am looking forward to the class. Keep the light on and bring pleasure into my life.

Such timely and ever present theme, Regina! This amidst winter and the state of the country/world. Thank you for your article and for your most recent book! I gave it as present on Christmas to women friends and on birthdays! The question that resonates with me the most: is the inner light being: A generator? Or a power sucker? Since the SWA classes and the two Creation Courses I took with you I became aware of my inner light and how precious she is in any dynamic or when I am by myself; with friends or with strangers. In fact when I first read your Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts book, before I arrived to my first class with you I learned about the light and how Bette Middler dialed her practiced light. But practice in the class and after become and remains a priority in continuous awareness to keep that impenetrable spot alive and vibrant, untouched by circumstances or people . Right now I am sick with a cold and no voice, so Dr. Sacarin had to cancel her appointments and yet my light is shining. Thank you, Regina, thank you SWA communities and thank you Seattle SG community!

Mama Gena my light has been dimmed for some time. I am always doing for others always putting my friends before myself and please in the people I clean houses for taking care of my my apartment and my animals before me and my choice in men is bad I’m learning by reading this article I have to have self-love self worth and discovered that I could be at night the light with within thank you so much for this article make things better in perspective for me as a woman

Thank you for this article. The topic does resonate with me and I guess its the best way to describe how I feel – my light is off, like as in where is the switch? I lost it somewhere or put it in a safe place and forgot where it is. Though not completely because my husband and children always find the switch, and a for a few brief moments, I feel the light, feel its warmth, its joy. I’ve been / felt dim, faded , blending into the background for quite some time, probably longer than I’d like to admit. I’ve had a few moments of sparkle but mostly not so much. I am quite uncomfortable around women. My first relationships with women being mother, aunt, grandmother were not wholly positive, much critiquing, put downs, dismissals and from early on I learnt to stay small, or to be a little less, you know quieter, out of the way, etc. I remember 2 women in my early years that were different, treated me different and I remember being in awe of them and not knowing why but I now know why, they were open, nurturing, questioning, allowed space for me to be me, I felt safe, supportive, they had strength but with grace. Now that my children are school age, I’ve entered a new world and I’m very uncomfortable it in as I am mostly surrounded by women; being ‘the school mum’s’. And as you say, I’ve seen those with their light on, they are friendly and approachable, can talk to anyone anytime, anywhere about anything, then there’s every other personality in between and then there is me, stone faced, emanating ‘fuck off’ (excuse me) like a neon sign, trying to do my best chameleon impression and blend into the background, try to seamlessly collect my children without getting ‘stuck’, but the irony is, that’s not what or who I wanted to be, I wanted to be the opposite; friendly, confident, joyous, light to be around, someone who people would come to as opposed to be being avoided, like I have the plague. I know I have lost confidence in being around others, I always seem to say things that offend or put people off, so I’ve learnt not to say much but then I’m judged as a snob or rude. I’ve even been completely dismissed simply because I didn’t say hello to someone, little did they know I’ve had very little sleep for days, as well as in the process of trying to (unsuccessfully) deal with a traumatic situation, so I stood back and go WTF! (excuse me, again) I can’t deal with this, so its easier to continue to be small and quiet, don’t burden anyone, don’t get in their way, don’t make a fuss, don’t make any connections as the ties are too hard too keep. But the thing is, I am happy or think that I am, I have a great husband and awesome children, we are doing the best with what we’ve got, we’ve had alot to deal with over the last 8 years but we’re okay. So for many reasons, I keep my light, my joy closely guarded, I share it with my husband and children and only a few others, I keep it safe inside me because I know its there, no one can take it, no one can mould it, or tell me to change it, but I dare not let it out, for its all that I have held onto in my dark days, my nightmares, my doubts, for its the only way I can explain why I am still here, and if I let it go, what would become of it and more importantly – me.

By the way, I am new to your world and like the article before I have often said ‘I am not like you’ but I enjoy your commentary and articles, I am intrigued, curious, I even have your book by my bedside but have dared not to open it. Maybe in time, I will be a little more courageous.

Keep shining your light, for you are a lighthouse. Thank you for your time and your light.

There is a lot that men can do to make it safe to shine. I believe we need to embody more of the guardian spirit, and the world would be a lot better place for women. And I don’t mean the “save the helpless girl” kind of guardian – that is damaging in a different way. I mean the “support a woman to shine” kind of guardian – so we see and benefit from it. I am convinced that this is a path for both men and women to take together. This is the one main thing either makes me angry or cry, so I am doing what I can to interview all the women in my life to understand their needs about boundaries, safety and free expression. Then… courses for men. I have heard so many stories, and held so many women as they cried, that it just cannot be allowed to continue. I so value what Mama Gena is doing, and have admired her work for over a decade now. Yay!

Thank you for your thought-provoking en”lightening” words. My light has been flickering/ dim, since I broke my arm 9 months ago. I made my living as a highly regarded massage therapist for 24 years. Suddenly my identity as a therapist abruptly ended. I’m no longer able to work in my field, so I’ve been in a strange place- isolating a lot. I’m healthy in every other way, (though I currently have viral bronchitis for the first time) In Chinese medicine the lungs are associated with grief…

I’m just beginning to see that perhaps it’s time to gratefully close that chapter of my life as a massage therapist and know that I’m still me, still worthy of a fun, happy life, great friendships, and awesome sex. I’ll see what’s down this next lighted path! I’m sure there will be lots of lovely animals, 🐰and opportunities to learn more about my body and the world. Thank you for your inspiration 💗

To Meg, massage therapist, You say “I’m just beginning to see that perhaps it’s time to gratefully close that chapter of my life”. I so relate to your story about losing your identity as a healer /therapist because of your injury. I, too, sustained an injury in a job that defined me as “yoga instructor”. My whole life is “what I did” and now I am lost and isolating, as you mentioned. Light definitely spluttering. I am at the age most people might retire, but I cannot. My days are sitting. waiting. (Insurance approval necessary for back surgery.) I have avoided bronchitis (hope you are better soon) but I am at the lowest point and struggling to find my way. Thank you for writing and for all who have posted here.

My inner light has been off for a long time. I never have a problem boosting others up to help them turn their light on…. but when it comes to me…. there never seems to be power to light mine. I’m hoping joining this email list might help.

As always Mama, a very thought-provoking topic and I really enjoy seeing your emails pop up in my inbox. Hmmmm- inner light?……….shining bright or dim? Well sadly over the last few years before I discovered your books, it was a little dim but not anymore. This year is my year to be brave, take risks and be courageous and you know what, everytime I do that, I glow that bit brighter. And I’m treating my body like the beautiful temple I know it to be. I’m not slim of waist anymore and grey hairs and lines are starting to appear but I embrace my ageing process and take it as a sign to nurture myself that little bit more. The days I choose to do this, I glow bright and when I’m not, I take that as a sign to rest and recharge. Blessed be to you and all my sister goddesses out there 💖

Wonderfully put, as always. At the moment I’m really digging into my beliefs about money, and a woman’s relationship with money. I had a severely patriarchal upbringing – it was almost Victorian in flavour (long story). Money has always been the big issue that’s dimmed my light, well into adulthood and far more than any other issue in life. I still somehow believe that money and I are sitting at opposite ends of the table (and that it’s distasteful to talk about money). I imagine that this kind of historical conditioning around money affects many women around the globe today – in some places more than others, of course – and dims the light for many women. Love to hear your thoughts on this.

Yes I certainly understand this particular dilemma quite well. Wonderful post! I am currently experiencing a dimming phase. But not to worry, I’m well underway. Your books are revolutionary and your articles too.

My light .. It’s been a very long time. Sometimes, I think , it goes out and we don’t even notice. We are just in the mundane .. Right now , not only is it out , but im fully aware of it .. Much happening in the last 2 years to make me hyper aware that it’s gone .. I’ve had periods in my life where it’s so bright , my soul sings the minute my eyes open .. Fear plays such a huge part in whether my light is there. Uncertainty too .. I’m waiting , mediating , visualizing , even pretending , until hopefully it will come back into my soul again .. Right now , it’s like I’m in the wasteland

I am so sorry to hear that, Kelly! I hope you can find what you need to glow again with the love and support of this community. I hope to tune in more to this conversation. Feel free to reply if you wish. Women need each other…

i am all for light shining! but for real i am also heavily introverted and sometimes yes i just want to get my shit done, at the dmv using your example, and being chatty with everyone is draining for me. if i pushed myself to act super extroverted i know i would just end up burnt out and tired. tending to your own inner light means figuring out what works best for you 🙂

This email explained so much for me. Growing up in a situation of chaos, my grandfather was instrumental in reminding me of my power, my strength and my worth. I knew it then and my light was a literal beacon. Despite the odds, everything just felt magical, immense, and amazing. I believed in me, 100%, without question. When I was 22, he passed away and I shut down. My light, my beacon, went dark. And for years, everything became a struggle. A maelstrom. Assault, rape, domestic violence, stalking, finances hitting an all time low, the deaths of my first love and another grandfather in less than a week … and it seemed like it would not end. And truth be known, it lasted a long damn time. Throughout those years of darkness, I continued to hear my grandfather’s words, especially one … REMEMBER. (For too long, I struggled trying to remember what I was supposed to remember. I forgot how to trust and believe in myself, so obviously the struggle was self-induced.) He would remind me often of how amazing I am, reminding me I was born of warrior blood. Looking back now, there were times when my light was on again, because there were times of miracles. At the time though, I didn’t know how to keep the light on. I didn’t have the tools then. For so long, I thought it was my grandfather who held the magic, and now I understand he was the mirror, showing me that I DO. Having your books, devouring each word reminds of who I really am. Your words have become my tools and I am using them. There are days when my light may be a little more subtle, however, I am determined to STAY ON, lit up like a beacon, shining like the stars, glowing … because I CAN. Thank you !

JanJan … your post touched me. One of my Elders used to always tell me to relax, so this hit home for me. Thank you for the reminder to relax. When I began to write earlier, I mistakenly thought I was posting to main part of the board. My apologies for the lengthy post in the wrong place.

I was literally talking with a friend about this when your email popped up. I’ve been a part of a supportive community of women for more than a decade and we create goals. The kernel that I’m working with and fleshing out is ‘to have my true value reflected in my life’. Not what I settle for or as you say dimmed my own light. I have a lot of clarity on where I want to go, what I want to create for myself and there is something that is just stuck. Job offers? Check. Intimacy? Check. A lot of what you said could describe me. It’s funny because I heard about you Mama Gena almost 10 years ago when I was sooooo not ready for something outrageous and then your book came out in the fall and it’s like, ok the time is right. Logistically, the Masters Program won’t work for me, but I’m so with you on being a light. If I can get out of my own way….

My light has been dimmed for so long – I actually think it was stolen from me by a shady ex!!!

In recent years I have tried to switch it back on with no luck. However, my little shop is finally in premises where I feel happy and I think if I can switch my light on some more then people will more likely come inside and buy from me. Fingers crossed I can shine again.

I teach guitar, violin and songwriting, and I work with some people who are challenged in different ways. Down Syndrome and autism, for starters. Bucketlisters. Stressed out sisters. Medical students trying to ease the strain. I have to be lit up all the time for them, which can be a strain on me, at first. But Light begets Light. I had a moment yesterday. I picked up this dark, gorgeous, floaty red tunic at freaking Goodwill, and wore it for the first time yesterday. I was walking through the combo shop, and a guy looking at harmonics literally stopped, mouth hanging open, and stared at me in awe all the way through to the studio doors. I smiled, and stepped through, thinking, damn, that hasn’t happened in decades. There sure is something to all this self love and gratitude! #music=magic

I knew I was megawatt years ago, and it’s sputtered out for a number of reasons., and as others shared I don’t know how to reignite. A lousy marriage and a divorce that’s dragging on as I save up to pay for it. Three part-time jobs. blah. blah. blah. I’m reading Mama Gena’s books but so far no varoom. Best to all.

There’s been so many changes lately, in my world and in the world around us all. Mama G was brought into my awareness many years ago, I’ve only dreamed of attending a workshop. Over the past 20 years my light has diminished, I remember there was a time when everyone would ask me, ‘why do you glow?’ or ‘you’re so dreamy’, I can’t even remember now, the reason why it did. There’s been so many reasons why it doesn’t. One thing is for sure, is that when someone talks to me, asks me what I think about life, I am encouraging; however, the monkey mind gets in my own way. I just can’t seem to do it for my Self, I do have encouraging people in and around my life, but they are the very ones that suck the life out of me as well. I’m choosing to move on from this life, selling my house, moving somewhere else, although I have some plans, they’re not solid; I sang for the first time in years, Amy Lee’s Led Zepplin tune Going to California: in my living room of course, house was clean, fresh and alive, good acoustics, haha, it felt good, I must’ve sang it 20x’s over. I dreamed again for a few minutes; the next day I entertained, fear, what if my house doesn’t sell? so, what to do in my mind today? I opened Mama G’s email, something I hadn’t done in a looong time, and here I am, sitting on the couch, writing, contemplating, realising, ‘this little light of mine’…hmmmmmm?

My light has been off for years. I went to the Experience with Mama Gena in January and I felt, for the first time in a decade, a tiny spark of my light. I came back home & signed up for mastery. I’m having trouble finding my light again….but I am encouraged that Mastery will help me locate it again for a permanent shine

Before when I met a woman whose light was brighter than mine, I felt resentment and jealousy. Now, after years of consistently making my own brighter, I love it. I see her as a sister, challenging me to be even more luminous!

You know, when I’m single and not dating and doing my own thing, I shine from within in the area of body acceptance. I can be skinny or fat but I’m not particularly conscious of my constitution because I’m concerned about what makes me truly happy. Yet of course, sometimes it makes me feel more whole to have a boyfriend or multiple great men in my life because I get to explore my sexuality in more ways and share it with others. This is where my body issues really come down hard. Whereas before I’d be okay if I gained a pound, I feel so ugly and unworthy for having my gut stick out an extra inch or two. I feel unworthy. And God forbid my butt or boobs get smaller because I’d been working out everyday…. I want to release these negative beliefs this year for good. I’m worthy always, screw what people think.

I feel like my light went off a long time ago, and I don’t know how to turn it back on. I have a new baby she is 5 months old. I also have a 2 year old and an 8 year old. I always wanted a girl and I finally got her, but I don’t feel the joy that I should. I am also in college. Her father was emotionally abusive and he left myself and my 2 boys (which are not his) when I was almost 7 months pregnant. I think that is when it went from dim to off. I was a stay at home mother at the time.I had to move back to my hometown and live with my mother until I got school money to get a place. I couldn’t find a job. I have never been dependent on anyone. Now I am depending on the government for assistance, working two very part time jobs. Needless to say I am not very happy with how my life has turned out. I just can’t seem to focus on the positive. I am now in a long distance relationship. All I feel is insecure in this relationship. I have no real reason to feel this way but I just can’t seem to make it stop. I see women whose light is shining bright, I don’t run, I enjoy talking to these women. I may envy their happiness a bit. I can remember when I was always happy and I just can’t seem to get it back.

Dear sister goddess, I just felt moved to send you big love energy and remind you how powerful and amazing you ARE! It sounds like you have created and endured a LOT! You are blessed w 3 healthy children and. Mother to go home to! I sense that you are full of wisdom and love and power and creativity and in time all will be integrated and you will reemerge stronger than ever! So meanwhile follow your heart; and move in the direction and take action towards all that feels good! You are a wise womyn!

How do you flip the switch when your light is off? I think planning to make an ordinary event event extra special is one way. For example, For the Super Bowl I tried something new and got special food and Super bowl plates and downloaded Super bowl bingo and spent the whole week discussing the plans and shopping. So even though we never watch, this game we spent time watching and doing all my cool plan. My kids said it was great! And the extra time spend getting neat things to put around the house was worth it.

No one can turn my light off………..not Donald Trump…………NO ONE! I have found it this light to be INTERNAL, not dependent on anyone or anything outside myself. This is freedom! and this is a great BLESSING! GRATEFUL GRATEFUL!

Love the topic of your email today. I was just humming a little tune in my head this morning, “this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.” I have a friend that since the election has truly turned her light way down, though she doesn’t even know it. Her only real engagement with folks at the moment is about how terrible things are. While I don’t engage the content of her comments generally, I DO tell her I love her, how smart and beautiful she is and thank her for caring SO passionately. This is also something I am very passionate about. My mom was diagnosed with severe dementia at the age of 62. She just turned 67 and is a very different person. The one thing that remains the same as far as her personality goes is that she was and is often depressed, angry and keeps her light off. The times when it comes on are SO brilliant though and I work to have that happen as often as I can for her sake. Thanks again for highlighting such an important topic of conversation, Gena. <3

Living with your light on feels very tricky to me. I’m great when I’m in that space until another, usually woman, comes along and fires off a few rounds in a drive-by or sneak attack. It’s really hard to keep that mind-set when you feel like your light becomes a broadcast-target on your back. But I’m here and I’m pressing on, right?!? I guess I’ll go read some more or watch another Brenda Brown TedTalk and get back to creating. ✌️

Jenn…. oh, my gosh, thank you for putting that into words “another woman… drive-by or sneak attack”. I know Exactly what you mean and tried to convince myself for years that it didn’t actually happen because, well, because…. people (friends?!? even) don’t do that… right? In fact, people that don’t believe in themselves or who feel threatened by others’ light do in fact ‘do that’. I’m learning – finally – to NOT let that turn off my light, which it did so many, many times. (Thank you Mama Gena for teaching me That phrase!) Drive-by all you want, I’ll still be here shining and being Me. Blessed Be Ladies. What.A.Community 🙂

Hi there mama gena and friends. I can’t tell you how much I needed this email and forum, I had a wonderful baby 9 months ago and ever since then my husband and I are fighting non stop and it has really picked up in the new year. Anyway, I want to blame my loss of light on him and that’s fine but doesn’t bring back the light. No matter how it goes with my husband, I choose light. Sometimes the inner bitch is gonna show up and that’s ok cause she is part if my light and I’ve been fighting her and saying- that’s not me. Anyway I choose rocking rollicking rich abundant light and my inner bitch. If anyone else has ever hated her husband and thought he was the biggest asshole in the world… Well I’m there with you and optimistic that that’s just the way people are from time to time. Don’t dim the light!!!

I know exactly what you are talking about…I’m reigniting my light but really struggling with a negative light stealer between sister and mother. Any advice to maintain my light without their constant dimming?

Realize that the light is always WITHIN, not dependent on anyone or anything outside yourself. Then you are truly free. Take full responsibility for it …… This would be my advice (it is how I live) Best

Jenn I love your comment and it makes me realize that since I came back from the Experience weekend in January, I am so much more aware of other women in my life and whether they lift me up or bring me down. There seems to be a natural house cleaning process going on for me now where some women are just falling out of my life and I am seeking sisters who lift me up, support me….and allow me to do the same for them. I am loving this house cleaning process. I play the song Brave (I first heard it at the Experience in January) every day to remind myself to find MY BRAVE xoxoxox

This is so true! I look at our daughter, and her light is ALWAYS on! Thank you for your words and your work, Regena. Recently, your phrase ‘women are the greatest natural untapped resource on earth’ has been playing in my head. Oh, how we need to step into our light – more than ever! Sending love!!

I love what you write, Mama Gena. So thoughtful and beautiful, like you. You’ve got me thinking about my inner light. What you said about women whose inner light is dimmer than yours, when there is a sense of competition, that makes it challenging. A dear friend has been very contentious on a few occasions – very negative and angry when I was making some necessary changes – and most recently I have been avoiding her – but I recently wrote her a letter and hopefully that will raise her higher. My own light tends to dim around negativity, for sure.

I feel relief knowing I am not alone with women attempting to attack my aliveness And deplete my energy. I only recently realized why my mother and sister constantly criticised, harassed, and told me destructive lies. I have had mostly male pals due to this Betrayal and non support. Jealousy is a cruel deadly sport….. I am becoming more aware of this dynamic within myself and developing a tougher skin. I now longer want it to defeat me In becoming my best self. Thank you all for bringing this to the light.