When I found out (via text from STBXW), I responded, "Oh, God. I will keep him in my prayers."

Is that enough? He was a part of my life for 9 years. How do I navigate this tough terrain and maintain NC. FIL has not reached out to me since everything happened some 3 months ago.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: United States

nowiknow23♀ 33226Member # 33226

Posted: 9:11 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014

((((knockeddown)))) I'm so sorry. This is hard stuff and there's no right answer here. I think you have to do what feels right given your relationship (past and current) with your FIL.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011

courageous♀ 34477Member # 34477

Posted: 9:16 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014

that's rough! I had a good relationship with my mil and they didn't reach out to me afterwards either. If you do decide to reach out be prepared for rejection. Do what you feel you can live with. If you feel you will regret never contacting him, then contact him.

Don't know what your placement schedule is, but you could offer to take your DD more than *scheduled* if your stbxw needs to be with her dad.

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest

knockeddown♂ 43090Member # 43090

Posted: 9:36 PM, June 16th (Monday), 2014

nowiknow23 - thanks. Unfortunately I know there is no right answer. I feel angry at him because he hasn't reached out to me, but at the same time I feel so sad for him that he is going through this.

courageous - It's amazing how you can have such a good relationship with your in-laws and then they just abandon you, isn't it? I think it may have to do with her reporting how "terrible" of a husband I was, etc so that she can justify her actions. I have to think on whether or not I could live without contacting him.

gonnabe2016 - thanks for the advice on keeping my DD more. I offered that, but it's complicated because STBXW is a teacher and is off this summer. Therefore, she keeps DD with her all day.