father/daughter

Ummm where do I start? I married in 04, my husband has 2 daughters, soon after marriage I noticed some habits that disturbed me with my husband his daughters & mother. 2 mos into the marriage his youngest daughter then 24 came to spend the night, I was in the kitchen and they were in the living room, when I walked in the daughter was lying on top of her father and they had a blanket on them, they were watching tv, it didn't take long for them to read my body language and the daughter got off her father and sat at his feet. In the morning we were in bed and the daughter burst into our room and jumped in bed with us, given we both sleep nude I found it to be very uncomfotable and I asked her to leave. My husband as he became more comfortable around me started touching himself in front of his daughters, mother & sisters, when talking to them on the phone he really pulled and tugged, I asked him why he did this and he did said he always did and given no one other than myself said anything he never thought too much of it. I asked him not to do it as I feel it's not normal for a grown man to be touching himself in front of female family members. I asked him why he doesn't do it socially. During a week-end vist {summer} with his daughters I noticed the younger one sitting with her legs wide open and you could see her crouch, it's a game I have noticed. The following day my husband complained he was "raw" and I asked him why and he said probably because I wasn't wearing underware, from that time on I feel as though i am in a mental war zone, again another summer vist he waited until they came to shower,I made an excuse to be in our bedroom, I wanted to see if he had underware, he got his shorts, shirt and I then asked him if he was missing something, he looked at me and said what I said your underware, he was angry at that statement and said I had issues he had forgotten them, I said you don't forget on a daily basis, why only when your daughters are here? In Nov of the same year I came out of the shower he was talking on the phone with his youngest daughter and he was masturbating, he was fully erect and I flipped out, he coververed the phone and said she doesn't know.......I replied I do and your sick. He is in denial and turns it on me. I was sexually abused as a child, I have had counceling hadn't thought about it in years. One time his older daughter visted, {I have a sectional} she was sitting on one end and he at the other she took her hand out strectched there eyes locked I was invisiable so intent and she then took her hand and grabbed her crouch and he did the same. She also made a comment about his "hairy ***" and I asked her how she knew that and the subject was changed, His mother has a habit of stroking the inside of her croutch to her knees, when he speaks to his mother he pulls the chair out sits in front of her legs open will grab himself or rock his legs to where his testicles pop up and down. I have told him if this doesn't stop I would divorcce him, it's inapproprate and how would he feel if I did this with my son? The most interesting aspect of this is my husband won't do this when the oldest daughter's husband is present and at the time the youngest daughter's boyfriend was present. We went to a football game this year, I was on the end my husband, the youngest the oldest and her husband, I turned to ask my husband something and he and the youngest had this intense moment and then kissed on the lips, I felt so uncomfortable. I catch him still stroking his testicles when he thinks I'm not looking, I have spoken to his Mother about her touching and that it make me uncomfortable, she has respected me by not doing it in front of me any longer. I have said to my husband if I see this I will speak up right then and there, I have explained to him what he does is wrong and that it is for my eyes only to view this, it is private. I wonder if it's a comfort thing or nervousness, or sexual or all. The stress of this has triggered my memories of my abuse and I am at a point where I feel I can't leave the room if he's on the phone with his female family members nor can I enjoy myself at his family functions. I get the "weird" feeling and distrust. He mentioned one time a sister had asked him to suck and lick her toes and he did, what disturbed me about it was he has a fettish with toes and after learning this I no longer allow him to impliment this with me anymore as all I can think of is he did this with his sister. Am I over reacting?

No maria, you are not overreacting. I was not sexually abused as a kid, and so I can tell you with absolute certainty that what you are feeling is not because you had an abnormal childhood experience but because you are having a normal and healthy response to really sick and upsetting behavior on part of your husband and his daughters and mother.

I would feel exactly like you are and I would also want to divorce him for that alone. it's not a small thing, it's a huge thing.
It's also totally disrespectful to you, and just horrible to do this to you and in front of you. (which does not mean there is anything OK about it if he did this without your awareness.)

I have no advice for you at this time, just total empathy.

Keep talking about this and I hope someone else has someone helpful to say to you.

You did not know about any of this before you married him? how is that possible?

iv seen boys and men grab themselves, feel down their pants, "adjust" themselves, scratch themselves- all in public so one can be sure they do it at home with no cares. can't really say whether he's just guilty of being ill mannered or more b/c i don't know him. as far as his and his daughters' and mother's behaviors, sounds like it could be 'touchy-feely' or maybe some type of sickness or perversion. after your descriptions, im leaning more towards the latter

I would get a local, impartial person involved immediately - in the form of a psychologist or other family counselor. Speak with candor with the counselor. See what their opinion is on the matter. Of course, the main idea is to get your husband there at the same time so that he can enter some sort of treatment. It seems to me that there is overt sexuality that has been passed down through the generations in his family. Who knows how far back it stretches? It definitely isn't normal. He wasn't simply "adjusting himself" when he was on the phone with his daughter. Family members shouldn't be touching themselves sexually in front of each other or even making comments about one another's sexual parts. It all seems very inappropriate and, indeed, deranged.

Some families don't have any issue with nudity - there was never any issue with it when I was young, we'd all see each other in and on the way to the bath. Same with my family now, my kids see me naked and it's not a big deal. I don't see anything wrong with that.

However, your husbands behaviour goes beyond this. His touching himself while on the 'phone could be the usual scratching and adjustment that all men do, but from your descriptions it sounds like more than this, particularly the time he was erect. Some men do unconciously fiddle and handle, it's kind of pleasant and comforting without necessarily being sexual in any way, but it's odd that he only does this when interacting with female members of his family. If he did it all the time I'd be less concerned - it would be uncouth, but not perverted.

What you do about this, I really don't know. Just wanted to say that I don't think you are over-reacting, there is something not right about this situation.

From your post i would say that you got into something that you would be better off to get out no this is in no way normal way for any one to act there is something going on and he will not change at his age so you may as well save your breath you will either have to put up with this sick behavior or get out luck jo

I'd almost be willing to guarantee that growing up he had some form of sex with his mother and then had sex with his daughters. Sick as it sounds to us there are families that participate in this type of generational sexual behaviour.

why do u stay married to this guy???? i understand u might love him, but he is sick! if i were u i'd run away and never look back and forget all about him and his daughters. move on with ur life without this man.

I think this is that troll that has that father daughter fetish. The relationship in his fantasies is always extremely sexualized, although no sex is taking place, there's mention of the boyfriends, and there's a undertone of no one thinks this is any big deal.

No one would think this isn't a big deal, and everyone rubbing and showing their crotches and laying on top of each other is so bizarre it's unbelievable that the poster would ask "am I overreacting".

I was wondering that myself too. I am only just beginning to realize that this sort of thing happens on this and, no doubt, other boards too. If true, it is sure a waste of our time trying to provide help to them! LOL

There were three individual names the poster had - and identities. The first one was a dad on the abuse forum who has a daughter he didn't raise but now lived with him, travelled with him, and they had an extremely sexualized relationship. But no actual sex. The thread morphed into him insisting that if they were having sex it wouldn't be harmful, he had murderous thoughts about her boyfriend, it was very weird. I think, though, an actual true post. The thread was deleted. Right after that, a "new" poster, a young woman who lived with her dad and had a very sexualized relationship - they slept naked in bed together, held hands and cuddled watching movies at home, had date nights. Bleh. Weird. That thread was deleted. Shortly after that, a "new" poster came along who was the girlfriend of a man whose adult daughter had a sexualized relationship with him. Same thing, they slept together naked, (but only when she wasn't there) and "spooned", etc. (Now how would she know that if she wasn't there?) The thread went on, it was ridiculous, got deleted.

The tone of that third one is just like this one. Outrageous sexual behavior between father and adult daughter, no one seems to think a thing in the world of it, and then the "am I overreacting".

as a mother of 2 daughters i only have this to say, he is a SICK DISTURBED MAN, time to show him the door, i have never heard of behavior like this to even be normal, dont know what kind of family he came from, I feel so sorry for you Marla, get away from this sicko, Yes i'm sure you love him but just imagine if you had daughters with this man, i wont even call him a man, he is a SICK MAN....

Do I understand you correctly, you've been watching all this go on for "4" years? Hmm
and you end your story with, " Am I over reacting?"

I would suspect you aren't taking enough action, why aren't you?
Lots of perversion going on in that household! I don't think I have anything nice to add to you from this point on.. *sighs*

I read the posts above saying this a repeat poster on different s/ns posting the same things over and over, that is also a way for someone to get off too. Tell a sex ( taboo) related story to strangers and seeing the reactions..

Get out as soon as you can. You are under reacting in my opinion...any man that will masterbate in the shower with his child needs not to be with that child. I feel sorry for his girls...you can get out and move on to a normal life, but they will be living with what he has done for their whole lives.

His daughters are around the age of 24?? Am I correct?
Age aside, its wrong. I was abused and nothing makes me more uncomfortable than this type of behavior. Im not going to tell you to leave him as I don't know how your life with him aside from this is, but If you are uncomfortable and unsecured with his behavior, its best to not be around it. You need to be happy and comfortable with your partner, having been sexually abused previously, you and I both know its hard to be comfortable with someone, but necessary.

This post seems a little fishy to me. The poster never came back (from 2008) and is the only post created by that person. Others noticed it too. Probably someone with too much time on their hands trying to get a reaction out of other people while fantasizing about nasty things!!! Absolutely disturbing!!

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