Four things I learned on my Spring Training trip

You don’t get a real post today, because I’m on the fourth and last day of my Spring Training trip to Tempe, Ariz. My focus has been on baseball, lounging, further study in the area of regional shirtlessness and other things that have nothing to do with parenting.

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The Usain Bolt of fast food mascots.

I did learn a few very important things over the past 72-plus hours, which I’ll pass on to you below. I plan to have a long talk with my sons about all of these things the minute I get home.

Always bet on Tater Tot: When you’re at a minor league or Spring Training baseball stadium, and people in giant foam hot dog, tater tot and drink cup costumes are about to race across the infield, always bet on the Tater Tot. I’m not sure, but I think it has something to do with the aerodynamics of the costume. Or the fact that tater tots have the most carbs. (I foolishly bet on the hot dog, because the guy in the costume had the strongest-looking calves. That’s $5 I’ll never see again.)

The best way to get an earworm out of your head is to keep playing the song: My friend Ian made a late 1980s-themed mix CD for us, which while brilliant — no doubt the first CD to contain David Lee Roth’s “Yankee Rose” and Huey Lewis’ “Perfect World” — also was responsible for the Styx song “Mr. Roboto” getting stuck in my head. After 48 hours of trying to remove it (“Why would you want to do that?” was Ian’s response), we decided to just try playing it again — a strategy not unlike when Han Solo turned around to attack the Star Destroyer in “The Empire Strikes Back.” And just like that, “Mr. Roboto” was gone. Replaced by Def Leppard’s “Armageddon It.”

The Giants will win the World Series if they play all of their games against the Cincinnati Reds: This one is pretty self-explanatory. We saw the Giants play Cincinnati on Saturday, and the Dusty Baker-managed Reds looked like the Bad News Bears before they got Kelly Leak and the Chico’s Bail Bonds sponsorship. The Giants’ Todd Wellemeyer looked like Sandy Koufax, and he’s the team’s sixth starter. Hard to judge a team based on one pre-season game that I missed two innings of when I got a beer with Brian Murphy and his friend, but SF is looking like a strong dark horse in the National League.

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No Brewers were hurt during this Spring Training trip.

Be careful what you say about Prince Fielder on Twitter: We went to one of our favorite Spring Training facilities, in Maryvale, where the Milwaukee Brewers play. Thinking about Brewer Prince Fielder’s classless on-field homer celebration last year (which resulted in a Spring Training beanball by Barry Zito), I jokingly tweeted something along the lines of “Close enough to throw this cell phone at Prince Fielder. Checking to see if my friends have bail money.” When I got back to the hotel, I found out that the Brewers organization now appears to be following me on Twitter, presumably gathering evidence for their restraining order/order of extradition to Milwaukee. My apologies to the Brewers organization, Bernie Brewer and Bob Uecker for any additional manpower they’ve expended investigating this case. For the record, I will not be throwing anything at Prince Fielder. Ever. (I can’t speak for Matt Cain …)

PETER HARTLAUB is the pop culture critic at the San Francisco Chronicle and founder of this parenting blog, which admittedly sometimes has nothing to do with parenting. You can follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/peterhartlaub.