“No. I mean, why do you think it’s great that you are facing a recall election?”

“Well, I’ve been very forgetful lately, so anything that could help me recall something would be very much appreciated.”

“You’re not understanding.”

“I try to be empathetic at all times.”

“You’re not catching my drift.”

“Oh? Are you about to fall?”

“I know that you seldom take anything seriously. But you must listen to me. There are certain people who feel that your comments in these pages lately put you in league with the statists who want to disarm this great nation.”

“Whatever gave them that idea?”

“They believe that somewhere along the line, you blurted out a cryptic reference that expressed sympathy for the families of victims of mass shootings and revealed a thinly hidden notion that it might be better if it weren’t quite so easy to obtain firearms.”

“Next time, I’ll try not to be so cryptic or hidden.”

“Sir, don’t say that too loudly.”

“So, what is this ‘recall’ election? Am I defective and about to be returned to the factory?”

“It’s not that kind of recall. Or election, come to think of it. If the voters go to the polls, they could remove you from office.”

“Let me be glib on this point. It seems to me the voters already are at the poles.”

“Joke all you want. These recent survey numbers should disturb you: Forty-three percent say you’re too liberal to be writing in a heavily Democratic community like Pueblo; 53 percent can’t figure out what the heck you’re writing about; 47 percent don’t get your jokes, and would be offended if they did; 61 percent think you would like to confiscate their weapons, and would do so with a gleeful, sarcastic spirit; and 54 percent say you’re just focusing on the gun control issue to make headlines — or deadlines, as the case may be. To top it off, 71 percent think the polls I just cited are just a bunch of numbers you made up off the top of your head, while 27 percent just realized you don’t add very well.”

“I can’t argue with your numbers, and I pay you well to insulate me from the real world. But there’s a key fact that you’ve managed to overlook.”

“And that is?”

“Unlike certain politicians in this state, I’m not an elected official, and therefore can’t be recalled in any sense of the word.”

“Seems like a technicality.”

“Well, it is. Whatever the result of a recall election, it wouldn’t change who I am. I am still free in this great land of ours to think my thoughts and believe whatever it is you think I believe. I say, let’s put this petty nonsense behind us and get on to dealing with the real issues that face us.”

“Good strategy, sir. And what are those issues?”

“Tell me more about the zombies. . . . Are we going to need more guns?”