Sunday, April 10, 2011

Newborn Labour Party Messiah given high List placing for 2029 election

A newborn infant has today been chosen by the New Zealand Labour Party to lead the party in the 2029 election.

Michael Joseph Fa'afafine was born at Middlemore Hospital last night, baptised into the Labour Party and given a high List position for the 2029 election by the Labour Council, who were present at the birth. 2029 is when Michael will first be eligible to be elected into parliament.

His proud parents, union organiser Jodi Palangi and Rocky Fa'afafine, a trans-gendered interior decorator, were also present at the birth, delivered by Caesarean section by surrogate mother, Divine Cunliffe.

Michael Joseph Fa'afafine is the newest addition to the Labour Party's Messiah Ward, prodigies ordained by the Labour Council to one day lead a Labour government. Graduates of the Messiah Ward include John Tamihere, Grant Robertson, Andrew Little and Darren Hughes.

However, Michael is the first of a new generation specifically bred for political rule. His parents were chosen to appeal to all of Labour's factions. "My Mum was a militant radical lesbian member of the Socialist Party and my Dad was sociology lecturer at Victoria University," said Jodie.

"Rocky's Mum is a regular church goer and the daughter of a Polynesian chief, said Palangi. "Rocky's Dad Brian is a painter. His latest work is currently on show at Wanker Gallery in Ponsonby. Brian Fa'afafine's characteristic social commentary is as prevalent as ever in his stark alabaster and gold works of White Gilt."

Former party president and Sith Lord Andrew Little went on to explain that Michael Joseph Fa'afafine will follow directly after him once his reign as Labour leader is completed in 2029.