We are live from the leisure centre

It’s pissing it down, the changing rooms are flooded and we were late.

Somehow today, I’ve got to get a course of antibiotics in case I get fucking limes disease, get Bella to gymnastics for 2 hours in Knutsford, procure food, Nana and Gaga are coming over, I’ve got to get Oscar and Ted to a play date, Bella is having a sleepover with two friends, I’ve got to show my face at a friends 50th and Dangerous is fucking off to the football.
The house was briefly tidy and I mopped the floors yesterday. It now looks like a bastard bomb site. Dangerous very helpfully cleared up after tea last night whilst I did the gymnastics run. He left all the things that he didn’t want to tidy up for me this morning. He also left crumbs all over the chairs. He doesn’t like to actually wash up so he puts everything (including things that shouldn’t go in) in the dishwasher. He then gets a dry microfibre cloth and uses glass cleaner to grind food into our glass table. It doesn’t matter how often I advise him that he needs to wash the dirt off first, he doesn’t listen. He just smears food and bacteria all over and then expects me to be grateful. The cloths that are dry but with crusty food on, then get hidden in a cupboard so that every now and then I open the cupboard to be treated to a noxious smell of rancid food. I then get all the cloths whilst gagging and wash them out and then bleach them for 24 hours.

Other things that Dangerous refuses to comprehend are that towels become smelly if they aren’t dried. He likes to put them on heated towel rails that are never heated.
He will never adhere to my rules about leaving shoes by the front door, no matter how much I swear at him.
Dangerous does not know that when the washing machine beeps, it has finished and needs emptying. He has also never brought any washing in. If I start screaming because it’s started raining and run outside to bring it in, he simply laughs at me from the door.

Whilst I counted down to the return trip to pick Bella up, he drank copious amounts of red wine and had himself a disco.

“Just another day in paradise” by Phil Collins is playing in my head……