Culture

As I am a woman, I cannot effectively comment on the pros and cons of various forms of men's underwear and their comparative comfort levels. I understand that each type has its merits, and that men are frequently disposed to discussing them in great detail at cocktail parties, but given that women are frequently enticed to purchase underwear that consists of little more than a triangle of cheap fabric held in place by unreliable strings, I do not feel much sympathy in regard to this particular male conundrum.

Sony Pictures Entertainment was the victim of a very serious hack last week, possibly originating from North Korea (though North Korea denies it and the technological prowess necessary to bypass the kind of protections on Sony's archives would imply hackers whose nations have evolved beyond the Bronze Age). The attack exposed a number of Sony's upcoming pictures, Sony employees' personal details, thousands of emails between Sony employees and executives, and a teensy bit of abject racism on the part of Sony Entertainment bigwigs.

My first year of law school, it snowed so much on the morning of my Contracts exam, that I had to have my dad drive me to school and wait for hours in the library while I finished my test because the school refused to cancel or move the test even though basically everyone was snowed into their respective apartments. And there was no reason they should have moved the test. Aside from general concerns about safety and welfare, that are almost always secondary to a legal education, causing mental anguish seems to be the goal of most first year legal programs, and no one gives actual lawyers the day off of work because they didn't have the requisite foresight to buy Hunter boots on clearance sale. At least, so I've heard. I got all that education and barely practiced.

These days, the only people who seem remotely satisfied with Barack Obama's job performance are people living in beachfront mansions on the California coast. Even actual Communists and socialists have taken to things like social media to express their deep regret that the guy who promised to even the playing field has, in fact, been more inept on the subject of income inequality than Scrooge McDuck. They may as well have run Paul Krugman, if they could pry him away from his cats.

But, as I noted, Hollywood is still deeply in love with their President. Gwyneth Paltrow probably has an autographed photo of Barack hanging above her bed, so that it's the first thing she sees when she awakens from slumber in her bed that costs more than you'll make in a decade. George Clooney likely considers Barack the third person in his marriage, and while everyone has long forgotten Barack and Michelle's fairytale romance, as loosely-source campaign propaganda, Hollywood is, apparently, greenlighting movie about their Chicago courtship that will begin filming in July.

Is it just me, or has this been the longest week in history? Literally, everything is terrible. I don't even know why.

Anywayyyy, since I have not yet figured out how to click my heels together and dramatically change the entire political landscape, thus rendering me your benevolent dictator, here's a video I found of Barack Obama dancing awkwardly with Santa Claus at the National Christmas Tree lighting ceremony that took place last night. Pay special attention to the 'thumbs up, overbite move" he does.

The Eric Garner case is hitting home with people on both sides of the aisle, and for good reason. It's hard to imagine a more terrifying scenario: stopped by the police for a minor infraction based on a ridiculous tax law, dead in seconds after repeatedly begging for mercy from authorities, who stood by almost completely uninterested. The video of Garner being choked by an officer isn't just about an overreaching authority at every level, from legislative to on-the-street enforcement, it is, as Matt Lewis notes in his piece at The Week, a horrifying example of utter callousness at the value and dignity of human life.

Not that any of you watch cable television, but there's been a small epidemic of female-driven primetime dramas about what it's like inside the office of the Secretary of State. In pretty much every iteration, a plucky, courageous and outspoken, if somewhat inexperienced low-level CIA or State Department staffer, has their brillance recognized when they're shoved into the Secretary of State position. These blonde, pantsuited heroines, whose profiles are clearly based on no one in particular, are forced to navigate the torrid waters of foreign policy, while holding down their positions as Mama Bear to unruly children and an inattentive husband at home. To accomplish this, they wear dark-rimmed glasses to look smarter and say Very Serious Things while standing in rooms with lots of computers with maps on them.

While the media has been busily raking Elizabeth Lauten over the coals for her critique of the Obama daughters' fashion sense (the horror!), a former Democratic staff director for the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Subcommittee pleaded guilty to " third-degree sexual abuse, two misdemeanor counts of sexual abuse and one count of misdemeanor threats."

Apparently, Donny Ray Williams, charming as he is, wrangled a female colleage to his apartment by promising that he could introduce her to important Senate people, then spiked her drink with Ambien, waited until she was asleep and then raped her. And as if this wasn't #WaronWomen, #RapeCulture-y enough for you, Donny felt he was so successul at assaulting his female colleagues, he tried it again.

Elizabeth Lauten, communications director for a GOP congressman, committed a cardinal sin in politics last weekend: posting on Facebook about a couple of aggravated teenagers forced to endure their dad’s turkey-pardoning ceremony, during a space of time where little to nothing of note was happening on the national scene. Thankfully, our esteemed fourth estate immediately seized on her transgression against the cult of personality inhabiting the White House, and badgered her and her under-the-radar Republican boss until she was forced to publicly apologize, resign, and pack up her things from her Hill apartment and return to that segment of flyover country from whence she came. The media may not know how to handle more pressing matters facing their industry, like whether they should report accurately on a Missouri grand jury investigation so as not to further inflame community tensions, but they sure know how to make a girl cry.

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