APRIL FOOLS: JUSTICE BUYS HOOT

In a surprise move Monday, Brandeis newspaper the Justice purchased The Hoot, according to Justice Editor in Chief Dan Hirschhorn 07.

Its a new era for our campus, said Hirschorn of the purchase. Finally, students and faculty will have no problem choosing a newspaper to read. Heck, were the only game in town now. What else are you going to read, the [Brandeis] Reporter?

The decision to purchase was made by the Justice editorial board after a heated meeting Friday, according to board members. The final decision was made when Managing Editor Scott Koenig 06 mentioned the surplus of Student Activity Fee (SAF) funds available to the newspaper, according to Benjamin Freed 06.

We really didnt see any reason not to make the purchase, said Freed. I mean, how else are you going to spend $100,000,000? Youve gotta start somewhere.
After [Koenig] showed us how much dough we had available in our off-campus bank account we realized the idea wasnt as crazy as it first sounded, said one editor. [The purchase] was a no-brainer.

It is believed that The Hoot will not vanish from newsstands;

instead, the paper will become a comic section for the Justice. The transformation of The Hoot will hopefully end years of naming confusion by Brandeisians who were convinced The Hoot was a satirical paper.

Wait, hasnt it always been a funny paper? asked Shlomo Steinberg 09, when asked about the proposed change to The Hoot.

The eight pages of comics will enhance our paper significantly, said one Justice editor who requested to remain anonymous until the purchase was finalized. It will help the Justice better compete with that pesky Blowfish rag.

The current Hoot staff is expected to be replaced with the elite of comic talent at Brandeis. The new Editor-in-Chief for the Hoot has already been namedStephen Chang 06, creator of “Reitman Lounge.”

It is a great honor, said Chang. To celebrate, I went to Target and picked up another 14 gray shirts and some extra thick-rimmed frames for my fishy friend.
No Hoot staff could be reached for comment at the time of publication.

The new General Education requirements have officially passed after a unanimous vote by the Board of Trustees, according to President Liebowitz’s summary of their January meeting. This and more in The Hoot's breakdown of the president's report: ow.ly/O0Kn30ioWga

Brandeis will hold an active shooter drill in March to test its emergency protocols. What should you know? The drill will include sirens and simulated gunfire sounds. Only the library will be closed; the rest of campus should not be affected. Read more: ow.ly/9NdV30inFZA