A therapist's take on life, the world, you and me.

Your inner little twerp

I received the following letter regarding humankind’s on-going battle with its own impulses:

Hi Will,

I really enjoy reading your blog, you give great insight. I have often been told that I need to focus (I do not have ADHD or any other attention disorder).My problem or what others see as a problem is that I tend have a large array of interests and life goals that are not necessarily connected for which I have much passion. There so many things I want to do, but the older I get the more I feel like everyone is right. I need to pick an area or two at most on which to focus. I have heard the arguments for and against the jack of all trades approach to life, but I am still not sold. I don’t want to focus; I want to do it all. I am I being overly idealistic? Is it necessary for one to focus on their energy on one specific passion? If so, how does one decide how to go about focusing their energy on something specific?

2 Responses

DH – Thank you for submitting this question. I think a lot of people really struggle with the same issue, including me. I find it’s hard to find a niche because the modern world places so high a value on specialists. It also seems to cut off certain careers even though you might have a strong interest there. I’ve always loved science but couldn’t stand the thought of having to specialize in some obscure topic to actually make a new discovery. This is actually one of the main reasons why I thought I might be a good fit in the law. I saw it as a place where I could “specialize” but still get to learn about a lot of different aspects of the law. Of course, now, as a midlevel corporate associate in biglaw, I realize that even if you diversify your projects, you’re still essentially specializing in drafting boring contract language…which is boring in any context. Since I’m finished paying off my loans, I’m now trying to categorize my other interests to determine which are shallow curiosities and which are important enough for me to pursue as a second career, not to mention, figuring out how to parlay that into actual work. I’ve been in this holding pattern for about a year now. I’m thankful for my experience at the law firm though because it made me realize that whatever I end up doing, it has to give me time to pursue my other interests too, even if just as a hobby. And it made me realize that no amount of money (well, excluding amounts that would let me retire in my 30’s) can make up for 2000 hours a year of at best, boredom, and at worst, self-hatred. I guess I don’t have any advice, but just wanted you to know you are not alone!

DH – To the wise words above, I would add that in my fifty-seven years I have learned that there are two ways to play-simultaneously-with-one’s-toys:
1. Organize your time in such a way that each toy gets unequal hierarchical whole-time play priority.
2. Organize your time in such a way that each toy gets equal hierarchical whole-time priority.

How you organized your time is unique to your lifestyle and personality, however, that you organize your time is crucial.

It’s time for your appointment

Will Meyerhofer, JD LCSW-R is a psychotherapist in private practice in TriBeCa, in New York City.
You can visit his private practice website at: www.aquietroom.com.
Will holds degrees from Harvard, NYU School of Law and The Hunter College School of Social Work, and used to be an associate at Sullivan & Cromwell before things changed...
Now, in addition to his work as a psychotherapy, he writes books and blog entries and a column for AboveTheLaw.com.