Working through the gender issues of my spouse has lead me to my own journey of reflection and finding my true self. There is not a lot of support easily found out there for spouses and I feel it is important when going through this that I was able to share my story and my feelings about it.

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Sunday, October 12, 2014

Tomorrow marks a new day for us. My spouse will be finally going "full time" in her transition and beginning to go to work and living her life as she has always wanted. I'm so excited and happy for her. What a wonderful feeling it must be to finally get to live your life as you've always dreamed.

We had a wonderful night last night. We had a sort of "birthday" celebration for her and so many people attended! The people there were the ones so instrumental in supporting us throughout this whole process. I am forever grateful for every word of support, every question that made me think of something new, every revelation from others that they might share some of either one of our feelings. We are so fortunate to have such a wonderful support system and I love them all. I cannot thank the people in our lives enough who have helped us along the way. You all know who you are. :)

Just thinking that it's only been slightly less than a year since we made the decision to move forward with the transition process is amazing. So many changes, so many emotions, but so many good things have happened since then. I feel more in love with my spouse right at this moment than I ever have. She is becoming who she needs to be and has also encouraged me to put my best efforts forward to be my best self.

Like I've said before, there is so much I have learned about myself through this process that I feel like I have started living up to being the person I was meant to be as well. I've confronted my own issues and have slowly started to let my walls down and let other people in. I've confronted the biggest and most shameful personal problem for me...my depression issues. I've learned that pushing that down and ignoring the problem does nothing to make it better. Yes, it is still a struggle, but working on it has helped me recognize that there might be hope for it to get better by not bottling up every emotion.

None of us knows for sure what the future holds. All we can do is work to live every day to the fullest and recognize the people in our lives who help us along the way. I've learned that although you need to rely on yourself to make things happen, I really don't think any of us can progress as people completely alone. It's kind of a philosophical thought really...what is the point of existing in this world without others? Yes, people can be disappointing, they can be mean or hurtful, but they can also be wonderful, inspirational and amazing. Keep the people around you who inspire you and lift you up. Let the others go. You don't need to shun them, but you also don't need to feel obligated to sacrifice your own happiness. Love yourself.