Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I believe that's something from a Dr. Seuss book. But that's how I feel. I'm going places. Where? Somewhere. Here and there and everywhere. Somewhere and no where. Up there, down there, this way and that way.

Over there and over here. The road less traveled, the road paved. No road. Familiar road.

Does it matter? Not really.

Why?

Because all that matters is that I believe, in my heart, that I am on the right path for me. I may be by myself, but I'll never be alone.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Not seeing the forest for the trees - I realized very recently the magnitude of its meaning. Lately I have been so focused on a few troubled trees that I wasn't seeing the beautiful, healthy and nourishing forest around me.

Usually, when I find myself in troubled times, I retreat...withdraw from the world and dare to take on my problems single-handedly. A testament to my obscene level of stubbornness. This time, I decided to try something different. Trust. Trust that if I let my friends in to what I was feeling, that they would not betray that trust. Trust in my faith that He would help me find my way to a better place. Trust that my family would be my pillar of strength.

I was surprised by what I found.

What I found was a forest of trust and friendship. I discovered that when I surround myself with wonderful people, I do not lack for love, friendship, care or compassion. I found more than several listening ears, shoulders to lean on and smiles to comfort me. Concern and support came flowing out of the woodwork from people I barely know. I received phone calls, texts, emails all just to check up on me. I am not a very religious person and many times I question faith, spirituality, etc. But this time...this time I asked for a little help and in turn I received what I needed to lift me out of my funk.

Letting myself open up and receive my gifts - friendship, love and support - was a step I have not, until now, been able to make. So, even though I felt like I was struggling and lost; what I found was strength, friendship and confidence.

A friend recently sent me a note stating something her grandmother told her about life: Keep many friends, all kinds of friends; because you never know when you'll need them or when they'll need you.

I will most definitely hold on to that one. I am truly blessed with a forest full of goodness!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tomorrow will be a brand new day...yes, I realize today was a brand new day, as was the day before and the day before that, etc. But tomorrow is the first day I'm not going to be sad, I'm not going to mope around and I'm not going to keep from doing things I love to do because of what may or may not happen or because of who I might encounter along the way.

Why?

Because something better will always come along. My life will be better for it. I should be excited, actually. My future is waiting for me and it's time for me to get moving.

That's what I'm going to do now. I'm going to get moving. There comes a time when you have to realize that sometimes close to being happy just isn't good enough. Never give up on what you deserve and right now, I deserve to be happy!

As a good friend told me tonight...if it's right, it'll be easy. I have to remember that things always work out they way they should, maybe not the way you think they should or hope they will; but I'll be better and happier for it!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Today wraps up a long week. You know the kind...you can't imagine that you'll make it through Monday, much less to or through the weekend. And when you look back at that week, you can't believe it was only one week. The kind of week where you feel like you can't breathe, your swirling uncontrollably in a dark abyss and it seems impossible to sort out what you are feeling because you can't determine it's source; and every outlet you usually turn to when things are falling apart seems to also be in disarray.

First up for me, is accepting that it is time to let go. Acknowledge it for what it was - both the good and the bad of it. Easier said than done. It becomes even more difficult when I am letting go of something that was so close to being "just right".

Next up is reaching out. So many times I wall up and close down to the rest of the world when struggling through the difficult times. This time, I'm changing my strategy and leaning on my friends, hoping that my trust in them will pull me through. An added benefit - learning to trust again. Something I need to learn and will serve me well in the future.

The next step is moving on. By far the hardest for me to digest, especially when things around me are moving at their own paces. That lack of control drives me nuts!! I have to realize that I can only move at a pace that I can maintain (I'm trying to refrain from racing/training analogies, but that's almost an impossibility). It entails taking that leap of faith into a vast unknown. Some people are fortunate enough to thrive on the unknown, I am terrified. Perhaps if I were only considering leaps of faith in one area of my life I might find it exciting, but when every facet of my life is requiring a change, well...it scares the crap out of me. I know from past experiences that we always move on...change happens whether we initiate it or not and we learn, grow and find happiness in those changes.

Sometimes you end up on an entirely different path than you ever imagined and sometimes you come full circle back to where you started, but in a different way. And you will never know until you take those steps to let go, reach out and move on.