Exploring what it means to be human. Behavioural science consultant. Holder of a PhD in Cognitive Neuroscience. Subscribe to me at www.mariebuda.com.

Sep 21, 2016

Be Your Colour — A Cartoon About Relationships

Once upon a time there was a world full of colours

Each of these dots shone their colours brightly and magnificently

They would spend their time playing, talking, working…doing what colours do

They were happy

Sometimes two colours would meet, and they would like each other’s colour

Sometimes they would fall in love.

When they did, they were happy…

…for awhile,

Because often, the colours would get confused

Very confused

After being together for so long, they would start to believe that they needed the other colour

If the other colour was missing, they would feel all sorts of emotions, like sadness and loneliness

They would also start to believe that because they needed the other colour, it was also the other colour’s responsibility to complete them

Or other times, one colour would ask the other dot to be a different colour all together

This illusion was so great, that sometimes the colours started to believe in it

They believed that they were incomplete

But all of this made no sense at all

No other colour could complete their colour, but themselves

And often they had forgotten the most important truth of them all…

They were complete in the first place.

When two dots fully embrace both their own and each other’s colour

When they both fully realise that they are already complete

Only then can they start to create a strong and unique colour when together

This is a beautiful thing

But remember

Even when alone

They are still shining brightly and magnificently in their own colour

Be your colour.

*Afterword*

It is so easy for us to fall into this relationship trap.

If your answer to why you are with your partner is: “because I’m not happy if I’m not with them”, you need to have a long, hard look at your relationship.

Conversely, if you are single and your answer to why you want a relationship is along the lines of “because I’m lonely/because I want to feel safe/because I want to feel [insert your need here]”, again, you need to have a rethink.

“…often, we come into a relationship very much identified with our needs at some level or other. “I need security, I need refuge, I need friendship.” We come together because we fulfill each other’s needs at some level and the problem is that when you identify with that, those needs, you always stay at the level where the other person is “her” or “him” that is satisfying that need….” (Original article here)

And the problem is, you never grow as a couple. You get stuck into a cycle of attachment and suffering because you believe your partner’s life duty is to forever satisfy your need.

Except it isn’t their duty to.

Remember it’s NOT your partner’s job to make you happy.

It’s your job to make yourself happy.

If you feel incomplete without your partner, remember that you are under a temporary spell.