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“Cruel To Be Kind Means That I Love You Baby You Gotta Be Cruel to Be Kind”

As a child we were told by our parents that if a boy picked on us on the playground it meant that he liked us. As adults we chase after the guys who don’t call us back or ignore our texts while dismissing the ones who take us out for dinner and pick up the tab then text us after to tell us what a great time they had. We want what we can’t have and we are led to believe since we are children that cruelty and unkindness equate to attraction and love. This is a sick fallacy that has warped all of our minds and we have consumed the myth and spit it out as fact.

I have written before about nice guys finishing last and girls liking the bad boys but it is sadly so true. I was working the other day when Cruel to Be Kind came on the stereo and while bopping along to the familiar tune the lyrics finally sunk in for me, “cruel to be kind means that I love you baby you gotta be cruel to be kind.” How does this even make sense? How is it that we allow ourselves to fall for the bad guys and leave the good guys behind?

I’ve finally found a good guy and let me say what a world of difference it makes in your life. There is less stress, more laughing and smiles, and an overall feeling of happiness when there is a guy in your life who treats you right. I spent years dating the guys who treated me like a booty call or broke my belongings in a fit of rage and my heart in a callous maneuver and I also spent years depressed and never put the two together. We claim that good guys don’t exist or they are hard to find but is that really the case or do we subconsciously date the wrong ones because of the old adage our mother told us about the boys on the playground? We tell ourselves that something is wrong with the ‘always nice guy’ or that if something is too good to be true it probably is so we follow around the bad boys and douchebags like a lost puppy begging for an owner. Or worse, we tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us and we are not worthy of a good guy so we waste our times and our hearts on men who are just no good. We date the guys who aren’t really dating material while nice guys struggle to find the right girl.

I’m not saying all girls are nice girls because there are many heartbreakers on our team too but for those of us who are sweethearts, we need to aim higher. We need to go after the good guys and cast aside the ones who suck. If he doesn’t call, fuck him. If he doesn’t text you back, onto the next. If he doesn’t pay, screw him. If he treats you like dirt, good riddence! We should aim to be alone before we are unhappy. You are never really alone anyway, you have your friends, pets, family, jobs, etc. to keep you company and consume your time while you work on finding Mr. Right. I think sometimes we are so afraid of being alone that we date jerks to just be dating somebody and we believe that being treated like crap is acceptable or is just how men express their affections when in reality this is not the case and we are only doing ourselves a disservice. Worry less about being alone and more about being happy. Don’t date a guy just because he’s mean to you and if you get treated badly have the courage to stand up for yourself and get out of a bad situation. Let’s change the tune and acknowledge that cruelty isn’t kindness in a guise, it’s just plain mean.