Remember Who You Were

A steady feeling has been percolating through me as of late, calling me into my future.

Remember who you were before you thought who you were mattered.

There is a pivotal piece of my continued healing that I have been puzzling over for a long time now.

This wildfire – and the many hours sitting in this forest in the silence – are getting me closer to it. I am so close I can almost taste it.

I have this sense that my biggest breakthroughs happen when I go through a process of letting go on multiple levels.

It happened to me during my two-month migraine. It happened when I read Erik on Avoidance and decided to go all-in on trying his approach. It happened in my early months of mold avoidance, when I was camping alone, often spending whole days in silence (or sometimes quietly strumming my $20 children’s guitar).

It also happened when I decided to do my van and just be in nature for long, long stretches without worrying about the rest of world at all.

During the months when I was alone in Nature, I disconnected so much that many days my only technology-based contact with the world was just the two nightly texts to my husband:

I love you!

I love you, too!

Every time this process of closing in on a breakthrough happens, I feel three burdens lift.

I let go of what I think I know. I let go of what I feel must be true. And I let go of what I feel I ought to be doing.

There is something about this process of just saying, “Fuck it!” that seems to remove the junk from my mind. And then – often – the answer is right there in front of me, shining away and saying, “I was here all along, friend.”

For me – maybe because I am such an introvert – there is also a part of healing that has to do with letting go of my own story. It is as if I need some distance from my own story in order to let the most beautiful narrative unfold. If I try to stay too tuned into it, I’ll miss the most important arc.

And so, this idea keeps pulsing through me. Like a heartbeat, there is a rhythm to it.

Remember who you were before you thought who you were mattered.

Remember who you were before you thought who you were mattered.

Remember who you were before you thought who you were mattered.

I’ll still be writing and sharing on here as my heart draws me to do that.

I have had some requests for some group calls and am considering it. I’ll let you know about those through my email list if I decide to do that.

But I am going to pull back from Facebook for a while to see where this new rhythm takes me.

Please do subscribe to my website – if you haven’t yet – to stay in touch with me and to get first word on all the things I am working on. The survey many of you filled out had requests and questions so wildly diverse I could easily see three more e-books coming out of those.

It felt good to read them. So many of you really, really get me. It is no wonder that I love you all so much.

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