50 things I want to teach my daughter

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When my husband and I had a discussion about guardianship for our daughter a couple of years ago, it made me panic. I cannot imagine my little girl being faced with a situation in which she has to be raised by someone other than the 2 of us, and there are still so many things I need to teach her. The only problem is, she’s much too young to understand half of what I want to say, so I decided I’d write out a list that I can give to her at a more appropriate time.

It’s sort of a work in progress, but here’s what I have so far…

1. NEVER use scented tampons.

2. Always look people in the eye when you’re talking to them.

3. Don’t scrimp on wine, perfume, or handbags. They say a lot about a woman.

4. Grilled cheese sandwiches and macaroni and cheese are to be eaten with ketchup. Eggs are not.

5. You are not better than anyone, and no one is better than you.

6. Just because you can fit in the extra-small, doesn’t mean you should be wearing it.

7. It’s not the quantity of friends that matter. It’s the quality.

8. You can tell a lot about someone by their shoes. Make sure yours are always polished.

9. When people talk to you, LISTEN to them.

10. Make sure you always have a little “eff you” money tucked away for those times when life isn’t treating you the way you want it to.

11. See the world. And pack Imodium.

12. Live to eat, not the other way around.

13. People remember how you make them feel. Never forget that.

14. Don’t gossip. Except with me. I love that stuff.

15. Go with your gut. It’s very rarely wrong.

16. Go to university, live in residence, and have fun. But get good grades. A degree will take you places.

17. Take responsibility for your actions and apologize when you’re in the wrong.

18. Don’t be afraid to fail.

19. If he makes you cry anything but happy tears, he’s not worth it.

20. Repeat after me: I. Can. Accomplish. Anything.

21. Don’t sleep around. Guys may have fun with sluts, but they don’t marry them.

22. Don’t be a sore loser.

23. If you decide you prefer women to men, your Dad and I will not care, nor will we love you any less. Just promise me you’ll take me to a gay bar. I know I’d make you proud.

24. A little bit of weed is okay, but don’t smoke cigarettes, and never do anything chemical.

25. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

26. A shot of vodka before shopping for swimwear makes the whole experience much more pleasurable.

27. I don’t care how young you are: if you’ve been drinking, call me. I’ll get you and your friends home safely. No questions asked.

28. Download Miles Davis’ album, Kind of Blue.

29. Never judge people you don’t know unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

30. Don’t let a day go by without listening to music.

31. If you’re not married to him, don’t have unprotected sex with him.

32. The world is too small a place to be a jerk to anyone (unless he was a jerk first).

33. When wearing pantyhose, always have a back-up pair in your purse.

34. Don’t be afraid to go out without make-up on. I imagine it must be quite liberating.

35. Wear sunscreen.

36. Always bring your own dessert when you go to Gran and Grandad’s for dinner.

37. Learn how to say “NO”.

38. Read lots of books.

39. When it comes to relationships, don’t settle. Wait for the one that takes your breath. Like I did.

40. Rules are made to be broken. Except mine.

41. I’ve always got your back.

42. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Gwen is a 40-something freelance writer and social media consultant who has an unhealthy love for makeup, hair, and fashion. She lives with her husband and 8-year-old daughter in Toronto, Canada and hopes to move to a warmer climate someday. Preferably tomorrow.