Tag Archives: media

I love crazy weather. Earthquakes are not really weather but they are crazy or rather they make people crazy. Most everyone in Anchorage got a shot of adrenaline yesterday at 8:30 am . If you’ve never been in an earthquake it’s like a car hit your house. But then said car, or other cars behind it, randomly ram your house numerous times during that day and evening. Just for the record, “numerous” means about 1000 earthquakes between 8:30 am yesterday morning and 6 pm tonight in the Anchorage area. I felt about 25 of them and at least one more after 6 pm tonight. You might think it would get boring after awhile. It does not. I still find it humorous that at 2 am I can hear my roommate shout, “ENOUGH!”, from the other room.

I made the beginners error of trying to go to work immediately after, (making sure my house didn’t smell like farts, and picking up my television then deciding to put it back on the floor in case there was another trembler.) Clueless me joined the frantic but polite crowd attempting to go to work, get home from work, to pick up kids from school, as well as those out to check other properties for damage or to buy items necessary for the End Times.

I spent an hour stuck in traffic several blocks from my house before I heard on the radio that the highway was blocked by rocks in one direction and a broken bridge in the other. Main roads were clogged to the max by clumps of hair like myself. It’s ten mile across town to work so I parked the car and walked home to change the tires on my bike to studs. Why be part of the problem when I can be part of the solution? I’m not an essential worker but I work at a nursing home which was bound to have a number of chachkis to clean up and residents in need of cheerful diversion. Cleaning and clowning are my specialties.

A tsunami warning went out which everyone ignored except out of state visitors who could not be expected to know that Cook Inlet is not the ocean. The roads emptied out by noon after authorities encouraged all to “shelter in place” so that infrastructure could be assessed. I packed an overnight bag including my antidepressants and anxiety meds just in case I didn’t make it back home. I wound up putting the bike in the car, just in case. I could be swallowed up by a sink hole or be asked to stay for several days which I would do because I have always wanted to save the world. When I finally arrived at work the building was a bit cold, considering how sweltering nursing homes usually are. The kitchen was also down do to gas being checked. The saving grace was no computer access! I love improvising so I went about my work as usual but added a pantomime of grabbing the walls and swaying as I entered each room.

I began to understand what Donald Trump has been saying about the media. First off, I agree that when he points his finger, four others point back at him. Also I will say that KFQD 750 AM, the radio station, was outstanding in taking calls and pointing out fake news. When people suggested that a giant aftershock was predicted at 4:35 pm or that free food and gas was being given away DJ’s hung up chanting, “SAVE IT FOR FACEBOOK!” They are my heroes.

Unfortunately the television was not set on the music station in the resident courts. Instead everyone was quakefully watching the not-quite-a disaster broadcasts. The Anchorage media, perhaps unwittingly, fomented terror in folks by repeatedly showing the same broken bridge, rockslide and sinkhole as if Anchorage was besieged. There was some crying, some people wanting to go home to check on loved ones. I’m sure viewers who lived far away or who were prone to panic felt the same. A jaundiced eye could discern the same bridge shown an average of 20 times an hour with a shockingly similar car stuck on a slab , also a familiar looking boulder tumbled in the center of the highway showcased every 5 minutes. To what purpose was this? It felt like The World Trade Centers being shown every five minutes on 9/11 only no one died here. The information age does not mean that information sharing has matured. Television, like most adolescent corporations, sells fearful images instead of responsible information to aid in calming the public.

I know that when I’m anxious, I’ve shared stories without knowing all the facts. I expect these announcers were doing their best with their serious faces and recurring images. It made me laugh though when I first moved to Alaska that there would be teasers for the evening news – ” Car crash on Lake Otis. Man breaks leg, more at 6 pm.” We are a small town at heart so almost anything is big news including books falling off shelves.

After work this evening, I stopped by Best Buy to look for a particular Christmas video. A small note on the door indicated that they will be closed until Monday in order to pick up and inventory damages. This seems fair. What didn’t seem fair was that it was 47 degrees in December in Anchorage with winds gusting 45 MPH and the plastic carts from Target were zooming across the icy parking lot chasing people and crashing into vehicles. I imagined my roommate yelling, “Enough again!” and I smiled.

Let me preface this post with the fact that although I am not a bird, I speak bird fluently just as Harry Potter speaks parseltongue. As I found out from my ancestry.com DNA test, I am descended from the great house of Cockatoo. Those who know me will recognize the resemblance in this photo of my fifth cousin once removed.

Amazing isn’t it!

Anyway after all the hype about that common bird making a guest appearance at a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland I thought I might share a few insights. The crowd was roaring, utterly blocking out the voice of the bird, so he left. But here are a few things you might have heard him share which I have translated for you.

“May I build a nest with your hair?”” Never mind, the other candidates have more resources. Bye Bye now”

“Everyone’s looking at you! Now they’re looking at me! I love television.”

“There’s a hole in the roof everyone! The infrastructure is collapsing! You think that’s a good thing? ”

“You’re lucky. I could have been a WASP!”

“Relax everyone, I’m getting Union wages for this gig. Catch me on Portlandia in two weeks”

“Did someone say “seeds of change”? I could have sworn I heard the word seeds.

“I’ve got a little secret for you – nobody wins this race.”

What bird commentary would be complete without a little song. So here you go, I wish I could tweet it but it’s a bit too long.

“Bernie and The Bird”

(a big shout out to our buddy Elton John even though he wore feathers)

Hey kids, shake it loose together The spotlight’s hitting something That’s been known to change the weather We’ll smoke some funny seeds tonight So stick around You’re gonna hear some socialism Nesty stuff profound

Say, Ashley, Avery have you seen them yet? But they’re so spaced out, BBBernie and the Bird Oh but they’re weird and they’re wonderful Oh Bernie He’s not the borg He’s gonna stop all wars, thinks that less is more You know I read it on EatTheState.org BBBernie and the Bird

Hey kids, plug into the faithless Maybe they’re blinded But Bernie makes them ageless We shall survive, let us take ourselves along Where we fight our parents out in the streets To find who’s right and who’s wrong

Oh, Argon, Denali have you seen them yet? But they’re so zenned out, BBBernie and the Bird Oh but they’re organic and they’re spiritual Oh Bernie His politics are clean The bird’s real cute, a youtube hoot, But I’m not sure what it all means BBBernie and the bird.

[Instrumental]

Oh, Biffy and Randall, have you seen them yet? But they’re funded small, BBBernie and the Bird

Vote for Utopia and Underdogs.

He looks like Francis of Assisi And for Vice President, the bird was sent

His brain is the size of a pea.

BBBernie and the bird.

Bernie, Bernie and the Bird Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie and the Bird. Bernie and the Bird