Monday, September 05, 2005

It was about time I did this. I have been amusing myself at the Chinese English, more commonly known as 'Chinglish' for the last few weeks.

The eggs I have are labeled in big letters as Green Eggs… enough to make Dr Seuss proud (but I’ll skip the ham: aside from being a vegetarian, I would rather not eat unrecognizably processed meat in a country that serves dog).

My toilet paper is wrapped in a plastic pack declaring “Mind Act Upon Mind, Toilet Tissue”… now I have heard of a dirty mind, but nothing that bad!

A packet of nut biscuits/cookies I bought the other day published this lengthy tome:

We like the new taste. We need the quality and we need the best food. Here you will find what you want. Cool face need cool taste. You are the NEW MAN. How delicious can not forget, special taste, return the true flavour.”

I am the new man? That’s a lot of pressure from a 100g pack of sweet crackers!

The sign draped over the back of a passenger seat in a cab (talk about a captive hostage!) had an advertisement for a cosmetic surgery company here in Shanghai. The ad was for breast enlargements, with a (highly re-touched) picture of a large breasted woman, and the slogan: “Ache and Be Happy”. I guess it is a new elaboration of the “no pain no gain” idea, but I for one think they shouldn’t be promoting the ‘ache’ part in their marketing campaign.

But the best I have seen so far was in a café today, named “100% Expectation Café”. The menu had many fun translations, and for the sake of time and space I have selected but a few. The food was listed in the food menu under the title:

Daintiness Nosh

Hodgepodge Fungus Cook Chicken

Make and Appointment Sandwich

Green stuff Salad

Yippee Dried Fruit

Fry Chook Plumage

Pig Nuts

Duck Chin

(and my own personal favourite…)

Gold A Threadlike Thing Sleeve-Fish

Normally I can guess what they meant to say, but most of these are beyond me.

6 comments:

Dan
said...

I think I may be able to shed some light on the menu items...

Could Fry Chook Plumage be chicken wings?Could Hodgepodge Fungus Cook Chicken be chicken with mushrooms?Could Gold A Threadlike Thing Sleeve-Fish be cumbed fried calamari rings? Think about it... they are golden, threadlike and if you imagine a squid without legs and head it would certainly be sleeve-like (well more bangle-like, but with the size of the average chinese person, who knows...)

About Me

Tales from a self-proclaimed Aussie Nomad in Shanghai.
It took me all of my first 20 years to leave Australia, finally ending up in Dili, East Timor in 2000. Since then I haven't wanted to stop traveling. Yet, as simply holidaying doesn't quite scratch the travel-bug's itch, I much prefer to live, work and play in the countries I visit. In my opinion, as insane as it can make you at times, cultural immersion is much more fulfilling than a postcard holiday.
Now I am living in Shanghai, with my better half, Philippe, and 20 million others. An artist, teacher and nomad, I embarked on this latest journey in August 2005.
And like the best journeys, its final destination is a mystery.