Tales From The Back Seat

Observations From Seat 25C

Jul 5, 2012 – by Joe Haley

So we just spent eight days traveling cross country. We were in and out of Canada twice in two days. We drove through the desert in 110-degree heat and when we jumped out for pictures it was like getting punched in the face. We didn't stay at one place for more than a night and lived every day out of a suitcase. And now? Well, it's the fun part, we're on our way home, which means we're flying.

Oh the joy. Our last port of call was Las Vegas, so that means we are on board with lots and lots of vacationers, which can be more annoying than all that snoring I did that kept Andy up at nights. You see, vacation flyers are clueless and the least efficient of all air travelers. Just watch them at security. Agents will make endless announcements about shoes, liquids, etc. and they just stand there with their glazed eyes and agape mouths. And wouldn't you know, they didn't hear a blessed thing said.

So, with that said, I offer my top 10 annoyances/observations that I made on this flight.

Tomato juice. I'm always amazed that that is the free drink that so many flyers ask for. For me, it just doesn't compute. Without vodka in there, what's the point?

Stay seated. When the pilot announces that there is turbulence and everyone needs to remain buckled and seated he was talking to everyone except YOU.

I need my stuff. I'm confounded at how many people are in and out of their bags once they've been "stowed" overhead. If you know you're going to be seated for over four hours one would think you would have already grabbed the stuff you wanted/needed for the duration.

Crinkling of snack bags. Seriously, are you going to dig into that tiny bag and eat one peanut at a time? And why does it seem like it takes over 15 minutes to complete the treats?

Ha ha. I can hear your conversation with your buddy. Well he's not that funny, so spare us the forced laughter and save it up for when I have something to say.

Cell phones. Why do the people who sit next to me think that they are the only ones who are allowed to have their cells on during the flight?

Coughing. I am always glad that the guy with the wet hacking cough is sitting directly behind me.

Person in front of me. Or as I like to call them, the floppers. Can they go back in their chair any more forcefully?

Person in back of me. Even though you look to be 23 and fit, you still need to use my seat as a handle to pull yourself up from your own seat? And then they let go and I am flung forward like some weird catapult.

Can you hear me now? Dude, you are rocking with your dark glasses and blaring music. I know how cool you are, so I won't ask you to turn it down. I feel ya, bro.