nothing in here is true

Friday, October 23, 2015

my work friends took me to marie calendars for lunch and that was super swell

they reminded me that i hadn’t stopped working at E! just a few years ago, indeed it was closer to 13 years ago.

mama mia time flies.

they asked me if i had any advice for them since i was sooooo much older than them.

and i pointed at the E! building across the street and i said, since you mention that place, i’d have to say

blog. blog every day. blog online. it doesnt have to be open to the public. but one thing im so happy about is the fact that if i ever want to go back and see what i was doing or thinking or hanging with, it’s all right there in my words and pictures and nobody can take it down. facebook might close shop one day. then where are your memories?

after work Jeanine and Chris took me to Rush Street in Culver City and we ate all these adult meals. I had salmon with green mashed potatoes. jeanine had sliders and chris had some sustainable pizza. it was all delicious. ive known Chris since i was 21 and Jeanine since i was 23. im more than double that now and they are still such a great part of my life. im very very lucky.

chris and i split this $29 bottle of Goose Island Halia which tasted like a terrible mistake that they couldnt sell so they put an outrageous price on it and hipsters were all OMG it must be fantastic. but it was far from fantastic but since Chris and i went to UCSB and had lots of far from fantastic beers there, we drank almost all of it, and i poured some out for the bad people who arent with us.

afterwards Jeanine and I walked across the street to the kirk douglas theatre, where she had bought us front row tickets to see Courtney Love in a pop-opera. I was so close to Courtney i could have touched her. it was a very weird play. im not real sure what it was about but it was enjoyable and only an hour. i recommend it for anyone who loves Ms Love and wants to be super close to her physically while she sings this guy’s weird songs. the lighting was terrific. it’s amazing what they can do with a small stage.

all in all, i cant believe i made it to 137 years old. i cant believe pretty girls want to get naked with me. i cant believe my back still works and my fingers and my nose and my heart and my eyes and my knees. i swear im going to start exercising more as i approach 200 years old. i havent hiked in ages and havent run in god knows how long. i seriously need to join the gym across from my work next week. because this great luck cant last for ever. can it?

11. even though i always feel like lana just strolls through her sets, a tad lazily, i will see her play any time she wants in LA

Sunday, April 28, 2013

after my face melted in a hallucinatory bad trip in the bathroom mirror of a del playa apartment when i was 22 i was never afraid to talk with anyone ever again

because i realized that everything is perspective and context: we all fool ourselves into believing that this is beautiful, that is ugly, she is hot, he is scary, that is dangerous, this is perfect

but after someone accidentally puts one drop of a liquid chemical into your Natty Ice, what was ugly turns beautiful and whats hot is not.

after that i never got nervous to approach a “pretty” girl, interview a powerful leader, or stare down a tweaked out gangster

until i met kim gordon in santa barbara.

even in 1990, a year before “punk broke”, backstage of ucsb’s Campbell Hall, it was frightingly obvious

that Grunge had grown up from the midwestern Twin Tone yawp of The Replacements Husker Dü, and Soul Asylum.

and sprouted horns and filled out to the global beast that would be Nirvana.

and it wouldn’t have happened if not for Sonic Youth, whose 1990 Geffen debut “Goo” showed the record industry that

the Bon Jovi 80s were over and rock n roll was back to save yr soul in a way that would make your parents not just tell you to turn that shit down but maybe we should have a family discussion because we’re really worried about you.

and at the heart of Sonic Youth was Kim Gordon and she was scary as fuck because who else would dare go after LL Cool J who had just released Mama Said Knock You Out

“Are you going to liberate us girls from male, white, corporate oppression?” she taunts with the aid of Chuck D playing the role of Flava

“Let every body know.” he demands.

But it’s Kim’s “C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon” that summons the dual guitar squeals from Thurston Moore and Lee Rinaldo that sounds more of a woman who knows what she wants as opposed to the cheerleader you would have seen (and not heard) a few years before in a Warrant video.

Even though it was painfully obvious that Kool Thing was a street corner diss of Cool James

(LL released “Walking With A Panther” in ’89 which featured hits like “Goin Back to Cali” – from which “Kool Thing” appropriates the line “I don’t think so”. Panther also featured singles “I’m The Type of Guy”, “Big Ole Butt” and “Jinglin’ Baby” that did fine in hip hop circles and the pop charts, but whose misogyny was hard to support among the Riot Grrrls)

while chatting with Rinaldi and drummer Steve Shelley I asked, “so is Kool Thing about LL?”

Shelley said, “that’s Kim’s song, ask her.”

And I couldn’t even look in her direction, let alone approach her, so I just sipped from my can of Coke and changed the subject.

She was the edge in a band whose tone was so gnarled that if barbed wire had a theme song it’d have been Sonic Youth.

They say most scenarios benefit from the woman’s touch. Kim was the woman’s punch.

Without whom neither Nirvana nor Hole would have spanked thru as quickly and painlessly as they did.

Which is why I heartily celebrate Kim’s 60th today

from a safe distance.

meanwhile if you haven’t seen the doc of the Sonic Youth tour where they brought along Nirvana and Dinosaur Jr., and Babes in Toyland, and Gumball, and The Ramones

well maybe on Kim Gordon’s 60th birthday maybe it’d be kool thing to do

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I keep writing about California so I just finally called a song straight up fucking California. Not even Malibu, which I still don’t have the keys to the city and I’m really pissed – 13,000 people and they don’t give me the fucking keys to the city! It’s like when Billy Corgan told me he was calling a song ‘Tonight, Tonight’. I was like, “If that song isn’t the best fucking song I’ve ever heard, you will be carted out of town on a cross.” You don’t call a song ‘Tonight, Tonight’ or ‘California’ unless you know it’s major.

runyun canyon, march 28it was 85 degrees, you’d have gone for a hike too

Thursday, February 12, 2004

via netscapes full cd listening party. this will be my first listen of it and now i will write about it in realtime.

1. mono

did you miss me? did you miss me? courtney asks. yes baby yes. shes screaming. shes talking about ecstacy bad drugs and hard luck. i love her. this track rocks along. it sounds like a song that i would hear in a club from a soon-to-be signed band. i like that. she just said handjob. nice chorus. i love courtney. why does everyone fuck it all up and try to hate her. we need more courtneys not less. i gotta hear it tonight i gotta hear it tonight. she sounds desperate.

2. But Julian, I’m a Little Older Than You

starts out great. lots of words. whoops whats that there. a bridge? fake bridge? oh ok back to the words. i see paris i see france… ok not sure i know whats happening. i can smell her on you everywhere? i see, shes crazy. shes panting now. oi? i hear romeo void here. wheres the saxamaphone? shes a little bit older than us. and because of that she knows where we live. thats the lesson of this song.

3. Hold On To Me

ah, a slow song. we love it when courtney sings pretty like in malibu. this is one of those. this is a song i would cry to if i had a girlfriend right now who broke up with me. i love her voice. what a nice voice. people asked what courtney would sound like if she ran out of songs that kurt wrote for her. i think thats a mean thing to say. but if its a serious question, this is your answer. are those strings? no, psych furs keyboards. im the center of the universe shes teling us. i would call this song fm. its very rent-a-car and listen to the local fm station play aor. if i was courtney i wouldnt play these types of songs anymore. she should ask herself if guns n roses would sing it. or tom waits. this song they would turn off right away.

4. Sunset Strip

courtney sounds like paul westerberg here a little. whoops not any more. she sounds crazy but also adorable and vulnerable. dare i say girlie. she sure licked that l in climb (ka-LIME-buh). bad food bad sex bad tv… take all these stupid things away. like lines like those. i dont know how i feel about this. shes singing pretty good. the lyrics are bad and good at the same time. the singing, theres a lot of it. lots of words. were you jerking off to her or jerking off to me. i would like to hear someone cover this. yes, i would. its building up. you know this is all courtney. im glad theyre not calling this hole. is that whats missing. is that the problem here. too much courtney. did that guy… i got pills cuz im the best and worst dressed… i got pills cuz my coochies sore….

ok im gonna listen to that one again. i like this streaming but the sound isnt all that great. is that the idea? im glad i didnt have to register or anything. thanks for leaving out that annoying step.

it starts off good. about how she has everything. shes on top of the world. but she wants something. look at me for the very last time…rock stars pop stars everyone dies… i know i wont see tomorrow. i like this song. maybe it takes two times. it is a replacements song isnt it. she seems sad. this song sounds like something off pleased to meet me. that didnt make the cut. its better than lots of whats on the radio right now. yes i like it.

cuz we know we’re too good for tomorrow. how many suicide notes are we gonna see that written on in pink ink. this is a hard song to sing. she keeps getting more passionate is that the word. it keeps going up. sing this on american idols fuckers. it sounds like a song a guy would write in his first band ever. but better.

5. All The Drugs – hi, she just said fuck. isnt this supposed to be the netscape + aol “clean version”? my children are now totally useless to society. nice bass riff. all. the. drugs. too bad she hates marilyn manson. he coulda helped her make this one sound less 70s although i love that bass riff. its like deep purple. its like a little motorhead. theres that guitar i heard in the last record that made her seem old. hi. courtney is sounding like cher when she says mon-aye. shes saying that all the money isnt as good as all the drugs. its dragging here at the end. i think this is where the good guitar solo should be. this should be a guitar solo song like how moby dick was a drum solo song. eddie van halen would have done nicely since he hasnt done anything in 20 years worth shit. guest in courtneys next record and make her let you play 4-5 minutes of guitar jam in her next middle-less tune. this one coulda used your dying ass.

6. Almost Golden – i think rodney played this last sunday. i like this one. color me impressed. theres that rimshot beat from the last record. might even be the same beat. courtneys voice is doubled on the chorus. doesnt she have a friend to sing with? is melissa in this band any more? doesnt sound like it. that chick from the donnas probably woulda sang with you baby. we’ll see which one of us gets out alive? jim morrison is turning in his waterbed in africa. wasnt the end of catcher in the rye something about stay gold. is that what this is about. i hope not. sorta bad song.

7. I’ll Do Anything – teen spirit intro. interesting. get me from behind. im shocked. i like this. i cant type. its good. ok bad guitar solo for a second. lots more words. shes good at the words here. she sounds great. this would be an easy video to make. she wants him to throw her against the wall. gimme gimme. she wants it wants it. but why doesnt she want a good guitar player? i thought she was rich. she wants things. not sure what she wants. white boys and big black men? would i do her? again you mean?

8. Uncool – the begining here sounds like “dreamweaver”. good. ok no longer good. back to the mellow part. good. wait, bad. yeah this is a song that doesnt know if its a big song or a little song. this is something that should be a b-side. movie song? what the hell is it about. better solo. slightly. she wants to be uncool? keep making songs like this. this band seems totally studio. no heart. no style. no flavor. this isnt hole is it. who’s in this band. did courtney play all the instruments. once again, marilyn manson coulda helped you out on this one. he would have wiped his ass with it. and not in the good way. courtney please dont write these sorta songs. this does not befit a rock goddess, t’all.

9. Life Despite God – drunk. screaming. stark. theres an organ. now a tambournie. she sounds like maria mckee after losing a fight. she seems fucked up. i like that. baby baby baby shame on you. karisa said that people wouldnt want to buy her record if she kept getting thrown in jail. i disagree. everyone likes a train wreck. its beautiful with the right lighting. this song has the right lighting. oops i just heard fuck. netscape! my children! damn good song here. nearly blues. here comes the rainnnnnnnyyyeah.

i will

fuck

you up.

nice nice tune baby. some little girl sing this on american idol and she’d straight up win. this is scatty now, i love it. screaming now. perfect. kurt wrote this one didnt he. its so good. lack of production helped this one. nothing got in the way.

10. Hello – shut up, im gonna take your innocence for free. is how it starts with another 70s riff. shes doing the right thing. lots of hellos in the back. this is better than the earlier songs of this cd. why are two pretty damn good songs in there this deep. what if the kids in virgin records at the listening stations have to pee and dont make it this far down.

my babys dead. huh? what happened to this song. why this here in the middle? ok im officially confused. more hellos. i do like that part. will i get this cd. of course. its flawed as hell. maybe i wont. fire! what!?

11. Zeplin Song – second time she has mentioned a bus stop bench. sadly this might be the worst hole song ive ever heard. what is happening here. didnt she spend a lot of time doing drugs during the last few years. this is all you get after all that? shes talking about star sailor. not nearly as well as how pavement talked about stp. is she dissing zeplin. yeah, worst hole song ever. crazy in a bad way.

12. Never Gonna Be the Same – this sounds like a kiss song. a slow one. now it sounds like a motely crue first album ballad. too fast for courtney love. she just mentioned “show a little faith in me” and this tune sorta sounds like shes been listening to that a lot. its nice. maybe she shoulda covered it like mandy moore did so nicely. i like this one too. now it sounds like “goodbye to romance” without that amazing chorus. and of course no randi rhodes. this would be great in concert. lighters everywhere. i hope she plays only clubs. this would kill in a club. how on earth could you put zeplin song on the same record as this song and some of those others? who is telling courtney that shes making some bad choices? did drew appove of zep song? this is nice. thank you courtney. this is a good song.

ok so thats the record. not bad. sorta good. this is one of those instances where the iPod would be perfect. download the good songs and ignore the total failures. her muff-like shrieks are lame. but whatev. she seems to want to talk and sing a lot and i guess that shouldnt suprise me, but its a mighty chatty record. with that come some good lines. definately no trace of corgan or reznor. sad.

next record courtney needs to get filter to back her. or do an acoustic record. did i say folk? i might have. the thing that courtney is doing is trying to rock and i love her for that. but shes a mom. i hate to say it but she is showing some signs of mommy on the edges. shes not your typical mom but shes not the blue jean leather jacket rocker that she is trying to be on this record. the only time she seems dangerous is when its self inflicted. thats not what we need.

if she wants to rock the way it seems like she wants to rock shes going to need help. even neil young has crazy horse. that first hole record had a crazy horse present. this one doesnt. at all. which is sad because courtney is still a powerful presence and has a distinctive voice and collaboration wouldnt be such a bad move on the next one.