A lot of straight men are overly concerned with their attractiveness level and believe that only the best-looking men end up with the best-looking women. It can be challenging to convince those men of the fact that average looking guys can and do end up with beautiful women, too, and that their advantage is their personality and/or (perceived) status.

Having said that, there are indeed physical characteristics straight women find the most attractive, and they do matter when evaluating a man’s overall attractiveness; but they simply don’t matter the most. So it would be a lie to say straight women do not care about a guy’s physical appearance at all – they do – but not to the extent many straight men believe.

That is because women are more influenced by what they perceive to be a guy’s personality and status when assessing his attractiveness. So when a guy does not meet her preferred criteria in those areas, he will be perceived as less attractive overall, including his looks. Women will make their assessment of a guy the moment they first meet or see him; just based on how he is dressed, his body language, his company and environment, his smile and gaze, and so forth, women attempt to intuitively grasp whether a guy meets her criteria in the personality and/or status department. Of course women can be misguided, and actually talking and getting to know a guy will either confirm or deconstruct what she has assessed to be his overall attractiveness level and suitability as a partner. That’s how a woman can find a physically attractive guy unappealing, or an average guy with a “dadbod” more attractive – because those guys either meet or don’t meet her criteria.

The specifics of those criteria differ from woman to woman. Even so, there are certain universal traits that make any man more attractive in general. Focusing on those aspects will boost your attractiveness and perceived status in most women’s eyes immensely; and no, you do not have to be rich or famous in order to be perceived as higher status.

Maximizing your proficiency or strength in the following areas will make a woman be more attracted to you, not your money or other assets.

Confidence

Without any confidence, you’ll be invisible to women. Confidence should be the centre of your personality. If you don’t think you are a valuable person and a great match, why should she? Women can be very impressionable to what you put out there in the world and what kind of reality you create.

If you do not create a reality for yourself where you are in control of your destiny and are confident in your abilities and worth as a human being, most women will find you much less attractive.

It might be unrealistic to expect of men or people in general to be confident at all times. No one is always confident in everything they are doing in every situation. So to be realistic, it boils down to self-esteem. Do you have a high or low opinion of yourself? Do you hold back your opinions and self-censor yourself, or are you open about your views and desires? Your position on those matters affects how other people, especially women, perceive you.

Why do most women value confidence so highly? Because women equate a guy’s confidence level with his ability to overcome life’s obstacles. Most women do not want to be burdened with having to protect and support a man and herself; they’d rather feel supported and protected by him (to an extent). There are some women who do adopt a more masculine role, but I doubt you want to date a masculine woman; and if you do, then ignore everything you just read. Otherwise, build your confidence.

How do you build your confidence? At first, you have to realize you have worth as a human being. Yes, you have weaknesses like anybody else, but you also have strengths. Try to accomplish more in your life. Look for ways to put your strengths into practice and see yourself succeed. Become more used to unfamiliar situations that tend to make you uncomfortable. Over time, you’ll realize that you are more capable than you have ever imagined, and that those stressful situations are actually much easier to deal with than you thought.

At last, you are probably familiar with the fact that many (if not most) straight women either fall victim to, or have an odd fascination with narcissists. Narcissism is the dark extreme of self-esteem and confidence; you could argue that narcissists are actually insecure at their core and lack any true confidence. However, as I said earlier, women are very much swayed by the kind of reality and narrative you create about yourself. A narcissist is a master at creating a world and narrative where he is of high value, highly capable and highly important. Most women value confidence and self-esteem so much that many of them end up choosing a narcissist who seems highly confident over a guy who seems to have little confidence to speak of.

I am not encouraging narcissism, but my point is: You are much more attractive to women if you are (or seem) confident.

The higher the quality of the woman you want to attract, the higher your level of (real) confidence has to be.

Character

“Male stereotypes” by David M. Buisán

Confidence will get you noticed, but character will make you memorable. A guy with character has clearly distinct personality traits, a particular lifestyle, and is unique in some way.

If you could be an interesting fictional character, you most likely have enough character.

Modern male Kpop stars fulfill stereotypical roles and alternate between them depending on the current “era” of the band, which keeps their female fans hooked.

Many celebrities, especially musicians, usually have a very particular kind of image that is supposed to convey a particular kind of character. Their companies and agencies have a good idea of what kind of image attracts women the most.

Again, women have a thing for narratives; a guy who has character creates a certain world around himself in which he is playing a significant role, and that is very attractive to most women.

Your image or character can fit into a stereotype: The Bad Boy, the Rockstar, the Good Guy, the Hippy, the Mysterious Guy, the Bodybuilder, the Geek, the Funny Guy etc. Each stereotype will attract certain kinds of women; some stereotypes like the Bad Boy attract more women than others. As a counter-example, the Goth Guy will predominately attract other goths.

You do not have to fit into any particular stereotype(s), but if you lack enough character at the moment, you could benefit from going for a stereotype or fictional character that suits you the best and attracts the kind of woman you want.

Just fitting into a stereotype won’t be enough, however; you’ll have to include personal traits and quirks of your own, otherwise you’ll be like any other person of that stereotype. A very effective way to make your character unique is to include and embrace paradoxes. A classic and beloved paradox is the Bad Boy with a soft side. Another paradox could be a Goth Guy liking Justin Bieber’s music. Those paradoxes create an interesting and unique tension between the stereotype and your own personality.

Ideally, you create your own stereotype. Some male celebrities have created their own stereotype that are known by their name; for instance, “Brad Pitt” has become a synonym for the stereotype of the good-looking guy.

The easiest way to make women aware of your character quickly is to develop a personal clothing style that conveys it well. If you are a Bad Boy, dress like a Bad Boy. If you are a Geek, dress like a Geek. Someone who fits into a stereotype naturally will dress the part without second thought, but the guy who wants to become more of a Bad Boy will have to consciously dress the part. (Here is clothing I like on a guy; you can probably guess what kind of character(s) I am into.)

Purpose

Without a purpose, your existence seems to have no meaning. A woman who perceives you and your life as meaningless and insignificant won’t be attracted to you. Also, without a purpose you are most likely lacking confidence and character as well; lacking all three aspects will make you boring, unappealing, and ultimately you’ll feel worse about your own life yourself.

To be attractive to women, you need to have a purpose and goals that do not revolve around one specific woman. If your only purpose is to make your woman happy, she’ll quickly tire of you.

You can aim high; as long as you are passionate, following your purpose, and doing your best to make your dreams come true, you will be more attractive to women, even if certain particular goals won’t get reached as you had imagined.

The greater your purpose, the greater the kind of woman you’ll attract.

If you aim rather low, and your purpose is as simple as getting married and having children, you are less likely going to attract a high-caliber woman – meaning, a woman who is not just pretty or not just intelligent, but both and more.

Many people struggle with figuring out their purpose; it can be a buzzword these days. Your purpose does not have to be grande or magnificent, but it needs to fulfill you. You need to find something that makes your own life worthwhile. Something that engages your heart and mind, where you have to apply your strengths and succeed at doing so with satisfaction.

As with character stereotypes, so do certain goals and purposes attract more or less women, or certain kinds of women over others. The right kind of woman for you will delight in your purpose, or share the same or a very similar kind of purpose.

Influence

A man who changes the lives of the people around him is incredibly attractive to a woman. Any kind of leader will be more attractive to women than any kind of follower. If you cannot be a leader, at least be non-conformist. Establish some kind of influential position, and you’ll attract more women.

You do not have to influence as many people as celebrities do; but you need to have some kind of influence over people in your life, especially over the people who are important to the kind of woman you want.

Being a boss is a classic example of an influencer, but being more influential could be as simple as regularly leading the conversation in a group of people. If you manage to make people want to listen to you, this can be very attractive to women. Many women will be the most drawn to the guy in her social circle who seems to have the most influence over the others.

Imagine you were in a movie. Think about the kind of character that is typically the most attractive. Exactly, it is the lead character; the character with the most influence over the story and the other people in it. So be the lead character of your own movie, and women will be instantly more attracted to you, including high-quality women.

All in all, to be more attractive to women (without getting rich, “ripped”, or famous) you have to be:

Confident, Have Character, Have a Purpose, and Be Influential.

Of course it wouldn’t hurt if you became rich, “ripped”, and/or famous; but if that is all you have going for you, the women you attract will only be attracted to those superficial qualities and most likely lose interest once they have found someone who’s more confident or has more character.