She's a doctor who needs someone "who I don't have to eat breakfast with." He's a cad. They've been best friends forever. And then they get it on.

After all the fuss about Liz Meriwether's awesome script -- it made the 2008 Black List (PDF) under its original title, F--- Buddies" --it's a bummer to see what's become of it. Maybe the script was good, but the 150 seconds we've been offered are flat and unfunny. It's kind tough to watch, frankly.

That an actress of Portman's stature would get into bed with someone like Kutcher is a puzzle. Yes, he's man pretty, has a flair of leveraging social media and has developed a couple of successful reality TV shows. But the guy's filmography is a graveyard.

"Killers" was his most recent disaster in a career marked by them. Everyone of his 16 films for which there's a score on Rotten Tomatoes have fallen short of 50%. Here's guessing "No Strings Attached" keeps his streak alive.