Search This Blog

Saturday, October 31, 2015

I'd
just like to take the time to wish every single ghost, ghoul, monster, vampire,
and mummy a very Happy Halloween!

I
hope that all of you little kids who are going out trick-or-treating get lots
of candy and treats tonight! I know
that I'm very excited to be handing out candy at my new place! You realize that this is the first time I'll
be handing out candy in fourteen years?
I hope I'll get at least a couple at my door! If not, I'm gonna have a whole lot of candy to eat!

Regardless,
I hope that anyone who is going out tonight does so safely. This means wearing costumes that can be seen
in the dark, carrying flashlights or glowsticks, and going out with either a
parent or in a group. Remember, there is
safety in numbers.

Oh,
and I also want to remind everyone that this is the weekend in which we set our
clocks BACK due to Daylight Savings Time.
I know most of us think that it is a huge pain in the neck, but look at
it this way. You have an extra hour of
Halloween fun this weekend! Take
advantage!

So,
what am I going to talk about today?
Well, on account that it's Halloween, I imagine that some of us will be
going out to parties or celebrations.
And maybe you're planning on having a party of your own. Or, maybe you just want some tunes that will
put you in a Halloween mood.

Well,
you happen to be in luck because I've combed through the Billboard Top 100
charts of the last 60 years, as well as through my own iPod to come up with
singles that are sure to make you feel scared...or at the very least bust a
move on the dance floor like a Walking Dead zombie.

So,
how should we kick this off?

Um...yeah...NOT that one! Though it IS
a rather scary song, wouldn't you agree?

THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATER (1958)

Would
you believe that this song by Sheb Wooley topped the Billboard Charts for six
weeks? Although, given some of the
stuff that has topped the charts in 2015, maybe this doesn't surprise me.

Anyway,
this is the oldest song on my list, released in 1958, and it is about an alien
who comes down to Earth to be in a rock band...but there's just one little
snag. He's a carnivore in the worst
way. Now, the song is a little bit
tricky because you don't know whether the alien is purple and likes to eat all
people, or if the alien is a random colour and just eats people dressed in
purple. I'll let you make that call.

MONSTER MASH (1962)

Now
this is a single that I remember doing a full blog entry on years ago, but I
think it's worth posting again. I don't
think one can have a Halloween party without playing this single by Bobby
"Boris" Pickett. It too was a
novelty song that managed to top the charts just before Halloween 1962. I think the Boris Karloff impersonation was
what won people over!

TIME WARP (1975)
Okay, seriously, ANY song from The Rocky Horror Picture Show would be an
excellent song to play at any spooky party.
But dammit, Janet, I love this song!
This is the best song to get your Jockeys on the dance floor by
far! Just keep your robe closed. Nobody wants to see that!

ABRACADABRA (1982)
You know, not all Halloween songs have to be scary. After all, a good part of Halloween happens to involve
magic. In fact, Harry Houdini - one of
the greatest magicians to have ever lived - died on Halloween night! So, I thought that I would feature this
Steve Miller Band song in our Halloween soundtrack just because of the magic
theme. And, well...music videos from
the 1980s are scary by themselves!

THRILLER (1984)

Okay, so obviously we can't have a Halloween party without the man who made one
of the most memorable and longest music videos of all time. The late Michael Jackson really showcased
why he was the King of Pop all those years ago. From the zombie choreography to director John Landis' incredible
directing techniques to the ear-shattering screams of actress Ola Ray and cameo
by Vincent Price, the song and video remain a masterpiece over thirty years
later!

SOMEBODY'S WATCHING ME (1984)
Ah, another Motown classic that was also released in January 1984. This one features Rockwell in what is widely
considered to be a Halloween themed one-hit-wonder. After all, Halloween is all about scaring people and making people
paranoid that someone is watching them.
Certainly the music video presented that with flying colours.

GHOSTBUSTERS (1984)

Okay, can we just say that 1984 was the year of the scary song? Do I really need to explain why this song is
so appropriate for Halloween? No? Okay then.
Just enjoy!

DEAD MAN'S PARTY (1986)

You
know, I almost contemplated putting Oingo Boingo's "Weird Science" on
this list, but this single is easily the more scary of the two. I mean, both can easily be used, but if your
goal is to make your Halloween scary, I'd go with this one.

EVERYBODY (BACKSTREET'S BACK) (1997)

Yes,
I know...I know. Why do I have a boy
band on this list? Well, for one, I
have to admit that the music video is why I have this on my list of Halloween
songs that need to be played. You have
to give the Backstreet Boys credit...the costumes they wore were
fantastic. And, at least this video had
a little bit of plot behind it which is more than I can say for videos by LFO,
O-Town, and any other boy band that crashed and burned.

And
besides...I could have said Justin Bieber's "Baby". That would have made people really scared.

DU HAST (1997)

I
don't understand German, so I have no idea what they're singing. For all I know, the lyrics could be the Care
Bears theme song put to intense music and boisterous vocals. But this song definitely can be used for
your Halloween festivities. After all,
it was used in the promo for the latest "American Horror Story"
series which stars Lady Gaga.

DRAGULA (1998)

Finally,
we have this Rob Zombie single, which the title was inspired by Grandpa Munster's
dragster. Rob Zombie in this video
looks like someone that small children would run away from, so bonus points
there for authenticity. But the whole
song from its powerful guitar and its strongly delivered vocals just makes even
the stiffest stiff get up and move.

So, that's my list of Halloween songs to play
today! What are some of yours that I
may have missed?

Friday, October 30, 2015

Have
any of you ever played the broken telephone game? It's a game that a lot of summer camps play around a
campfire. One person whispers a message
inside of someone else's ear and then they have to whisper it in the ear of the
person next to you until the last person is left. The funny part is that depending on the tone of the whisper as
well as the way people pronounce words, that message can be completely garbled
by the time it reaches the end, completely changing the message around.

This
week's episode of New Archies Reviewed definitely showcases a
broken telephone moment if ever I say so myself. And it also stars our lovable rogue character Reggie Mantle. Seriously, his name is in the title!

It's
an episode I like to call Episode 8A: Telegraph, Telephone, Tell Reggie.

We
don't start the episode with Reggie though.
Instead we get a nice aerial shot of Riverdale where Betty and Veronica
are jogging through the park complaining about how much of a jerk Reggie is.

I
mean, there were Betty and Veronica drowning in the middle of the street and
Reggie's limo just drives past both of them without even giving them a lift
home! How dare he? I wonder if this took place during "Red To The Rescue"? It was raining in that episode!

Oh,
and on the other side of the park, Jughead and Archie are skateboarding down
the street with Hot Dog and Red leading the way. Surprise, surprise, they're busy complaining about Reggie
too. They think back to the time in
which Reggie got so mad that he couldn't control the football game that he was
playing with the gang that he grabbed his ball and ran home.

Wait. People actually do that? Man, what a jerk Reggie is. I could use stronger language here, but I
made it a point not to for these reviews.
After all, kids may be reading this.

Ah,
but look. Here comes Reggie with his
dalmatian Lance - a dog with just as black a heart as its owner. And it seems that Reggie is carrying a
little present with him. But I wonder
what the occasion is? It's not anyone's
birthday, is it?

Wow...that's
a lot of sausage links! It's a good
thing this show was made in 1987. That
many sausage links are basically equivalent to being a three pack a day smoker
given the latest news that processed meats cause cancer. Better stock up on bacon, boys!

Oh,
but the sausage links are being used in Reggie's evil plan. Knowing that dogs cannot resist the plump
and juicy sausages from a butcher shop, Reggie gets Lance to run past Hot Dog
and Red, which cause both dogs to run towards Lance...

...and
causing Jughead and Archie to sail into the bushes as a result. Ouch.

At
some point, Jughead and Archie meet up with Betty and Veronica, and they gather
around the kitchen table to grab a cheesecake while Betty shares stories of St.
Olaf and Jughead calls Veronica a dirty old prostitute.

Or,
maybe that was an episode of The Golden Girls.

Anyway,
MS. Grundy happens to be jogging through the park at that moment and sees the
four bitter seventh graders on a park bench.
She asks what is going on and all four of them tell her that Reggie is
evil, needs to be stopped, and that he should be burned alive in boiling oil be
punished for his evil deeds.

This
causes MS. Grundy to stare at them, call them all whiny little brats, and tells
them that if they tried being nice to him, then maybe it will infect Reggie
like the yeast infection that she's currently experiencing and cause Reggie to
be nice to them right back.

At
first, all four of them laugh off the idea, thinking that it would be easier to
get Donald Trump to fix his hair. But
the more they think of it, they feel that it's worth a shot, and they make
plans to throw Reggie a surprise party in hopes that decorations, balloons, and
a cake that says "Please Don't Be You, Reggie" will cause him to be
nicer to everyone. Well, at least it's
not completely contrived...yet.

And
it is here where the broken telephone game goes into play. You might want to get a pen and a pad of
paper to keep up.

So,
the party is being held at Archie's house, which I think is really generous,
given that Archie is Reggie's number one enemy! But hey, Archie always did have a heart of gold - well, when he
wasn't toying with Betty and Veronica's emotions, that is - so I can see Archie
stepping up. And, naturally, Jughead is
in charge of providing the cake.

But
Jughead didn't count on Hot Dog being around while he's trying to bake the
cake, and as Jughead tries frosting the cake, he has to try and shoo Hot Dog
away. Hilariously, Jughead actually
drops the phone receiver inside of the cake which gets covered in icing, and
Jughead decides to clean the phone off the only way he knows how.

Remind
me to use this screenshot more often.

Jughead
manages to successfully end the call to Archie, but he is distracted by someone
at the door! It's Reggie! And Jughead has a cake that he is not only
trying to get Hot Dog to not eat, but to make sure that Reggie doesn't see it
before his party starts!

Jughead
manages to hide the cake underneath a dish towel, but it doesn't work as Hot
Dog happens to eat half of it while Jughead is seeing what Reggie wants. Turns out that Reggie has an extra ticket to
a sporting event and wants to know if Jughead would like to come. But Jughead is so paranoid about Hot Dog
scarfing down the cake that he practically throws Reggie out on his butt and
slams the door right in his face. Yeah,
that's subtle.

A
suspicious Reggie leaves Jughead's house while Jughead calls up Eugene while
surveying the damage that Hot Dog did to the cake. Turns out that thanks to Jughead's stupidity, Jughead now has to
make another cake. At the same time,
Eugene is planning on supplying the music for the party on these brand new
things called cassette tapes. They're
so compact and versatile that they have songs on both sides! Weren't the 1980s wonderful?

Of
course, Reggie decides that since Jughead isn't going to be cooperative, he may
as well try someone else. He arrives at
Eugene's house just in time to see Moose arrive at the front door. Eugene gives him the message that the party
is in Archie's backyard and that Eugene was bringing the tapes and that the
girls should bring some balloons for the decorations and plates and forks for
the cake that Jughead is baking.

At
least that's the way the message is supposed to go. Eugene made two costly mistakes.
First, he whispered the message in Moose's ear too softly. And secondly, he told MOOSE of all people.

Sure
enough, as Moose is trying to remember what Eugene told him, Reggie comes out
and shocks poor Moose so much that you can actually freeze frame the moment his
brain shorts out.

And
after sputtering out some nonsense about cake and grapes (broken telephone
starts already), he runs away screaming and Reggie is left more confused.

Reggie
follows Moose to Lodge Mansion where Eugene has apparently directed Moose to
share the message to Veronica so that Veronica can share the news with Betty,
Amani, and Ethel. But Moose's message
to Veronica is even more garbled than what he told Reggie. Now apparently Eugene and Jughead are
bringing a baboon to Archie's party and that she should bring the baboon some
bananas and grapes for it to eat.

Yeah,
your facial expression is about the same as Veronica's, I'm sure.

Meanwhile,
Reggie is absolutely gobsmacked that Archie invited a baboon to his party but
not Reggie and plans to make Archie and his friends pay for snubbing him. Okay, has Reggie suffered brain damage from
that episode where he sabotaged that royal event or what? Seriously, why would he assume that Moose
relayed the message correctly?

Meanwhile,
Betty and Amani are laughing their butts off over the message that Veronica
left for them on Betty's answering machine about how she bought enough bananas
to feed the baboon that Eugene is bringing with him, and that they should focus
on buying food for them to eat. Obviously
Amani and Betty think that Veronica's been drinking again and that she needs to
rest. But give it to Betty for trying
to make sense of the message and turning it into a brilliant idea. Betty seems to think that Veronica meant
that they should bring balloons for the party, and Amani thinks that Veronica
bought bananas so that they could use them for banana splits. The two decide to head down to Pop's so they
can buy ice cream and sprinkles from him...because Riverdale apparently doesn't
have any supermarkets.

But
while everyone is making their plans come together - without the baboon - the
mischievous monkey known as Reggie Mantle sneaks into Archie's backyard and
makes plans to sabotage the party before it happens not realizing that the
party is IN HIS HONOUR!!! Oh, this
should be good.

And
while Reggie is placing booby traps all over Archie's backyard, the rest of the
guests begin arriving. Ethel's painted
a rather awesome looking poster that looks exactly like Reggie - right down to
the fact that his head is three times the size of his body. Veronica comes around with enough bananas to
feed every single person in Africa, and when Jughead and Eugene react with
surprise, Veronica becomes angry and curses Moose out - well, as much as she
can, given that it's a children's cartoon.

Luckily
Betty and Amani arrive with the ice cream and toppings, and Veronica takes
credit for the banana split idea. But,
at least she credits Moose for it as well.

Meanwhile,
Reggie is busy loading up a net with water balloons. Okay, what is Reggie's obsession with water balloons? This is the second episode in a row where
he's used them to attack his friends.
Is this a fetish?

Reggie,
of course, immediately notices that Jughead has opened up the door to the
basement...which apparently looks like a storm cellar that people would hide in
if a tornado struck. Now wouldn't THAT
make a great episode? And with the door
open, Reggie can hear everything that the people can say inside the house -
which proves that Reggie must have the hearing of a bloodhound! Most of it is just childish blathering, but
he does hear one thing that causes his heart to grow three sizes larger.

"Save
some of that for Reggie. It's HIS
party!"

And
this is the "oh my god, I really AM evil if I'm doing this to the people
who are throwing me a party!" face.

And
as Archie goes outside to look for Reggie, the outdoor lights kick on and an
alarm sounds which sends everyone to the window just in time for Archie to
become the unwilling victim of Reggie's cruel and immature pranks...

...or,
maybe Reggie's had a change of heart and he decided that Archie can't be
victimized by his stupid pranks, and he decides to rush out to save him.

But
then Reggie trips over his own trip wire which has him drenched by falling
water balloons.

Then
he nearly drowns when he sets off the sprinkler system.

And
he nearly loses his lunch when he sails head first into the spinning
clothesline.

And
before you know it, Reggie's showing off his new Halloween costume as that
fruity mummy from the range of Count Chocula/Boo Berry cereals. I think his name was Yummy Mummy, but I
can't seem to remember.

Of
course, Reggie's friends are cheering for Reggie, thinking that his stunts were
some of the best that they have ever seen, and Archie pulls up a sopping wet,
humble pie swallowing, embarrassed and dejected Reggie from the ground where
Reggie admits that he was a huge jerk.

Archie
nods his head, and smiles, basically agreeing with him. But hey, there's a banana split waiting for
the big baboon so Reggie should go ahead and eat it. Gee, I sure hope Archie has dry clothes for Reggie to wear.

You
know this episode was brilliant in showing just how the broken telephone game
works. Poor Moose never did get the
grasp of it. At the same time, this
episode was sort of boring to watch.
It's not the worst episode that was ever made, but any other character
could have been substituted for Reggie in this episode. Hell, I think had Veronica been the subject
matter, it would have been a hundred times funnier. But that's just me, I guess.

Next week, the gang decides to save a tree. Believe me, I'm NOT kidding.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Can
you believe that we are almost at the end of October? What, did this month just disappear into nothingness or
what?

With
just four days left to go until Halloween, and less than sixty days left until
Christmas, it seems as though we are in the middle of 2015's last hurrah. As it stands, we have exactly ten Tuesday Timelines left in the year!

Now,
as for the subject of today's timeline...let's just say that he is the frontman
of one of the most successful bands to come out of the New Wave era, and almost
three and a half decades since the band's first album was released, this group
is still just as relevant today.

But
that's all I can say for now. First, we
need to have a look at what happened on this date in history.

1682 - The city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is founded

1795 - Spain and the United States sign the Treaty of
Madrid

1810 - The United States annexes the former Spanish
colony of West Florida

1838 - Missouri governor Lilburn Boggs issues the
Extermination Order, which forces Mormons within the state to make a choice -
leave or be exterminated

ALBUM: Paper GodsDATE RELEASED: June 19,
2015PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: N/A

The
first single from the band's fourteenth studio album (which was released on
September 11, 2015) definitely shows that this band is in no danger of slowing
down. These wild boys continue to get
everybody's reflexes going and continue to make their fans hungry like wolves
for more.

Yes,
the band's lineup - which consists of Nick Rhodes, John Taylor, Roger Taylor,
and Simon Le Bon - still perform and release music long after their 1981 debut
album. And one of these members is
turning 57 today!

Happy birthday, Simon Le Bon!

Remember
last week when I was saying that 1977 was the year that musicians died? Well, I think 1958 was the year in which the
music was born. I can't believe how
many singers were born during the year 1958!
Let's see, you have Prince, you have Madonna, there's Belinda Carlisle,
and of course, the late Michael Jackson.
That's quite a lot of talent and frankly all of those artists were a
huge part of my childhood soundtrack.

And
certainly Simon Le Bon and Duran Duran were a huge part of my childhood
soundtrack as well - albeit through osmosis, as my sister was a huge fan of the
band and had a huge crush on one of the Taylors...I think it was John.

Anyway,
Simon Le Bon's childhood was quite ordinary, although he did get his first
taste of the entertainment industry at the ripe old age of six by appearing in
a commercial for laundry detergent.

But
as we well know, it wasn't until the 1980s that people really took notice of
Duran Duran and Simon Le Bon. The group
was formed in 1978 by Nick Rhodes, John Taylor, and Stephen Duffy, but by 1979,
Duffy was gone. Roger Taylor and Andy
Taylor joined the group not long afterwards, but the group still needed a lead
singer, one that could get everybody's attention and really deliver the songs
with style and finesse.

It
was at the Rum Runner nightclub in Birmingham one night in May 1980 that Duran
Duran found its lead singer.
Interestingly enough, it was Le Bon's ex-girlfriend who recommended him
for the gig. And rumour had it that Le
Bon first met the band carrying a book of poetry wearing hot pink leopard
pants! How very 1980s! But when Simon took his poems and put it to
the backing music of the band and found that the combination worked, Le Bon
officially joined the band in mid-1980, thinking that it would be a gig that
would last six months to a year.

I
bet he never thought he would still be with the band thirty-five years
later! Seriously, Le Bon and Nick
Rhodes are the only two band members to stick with Duran Duran since the band
released their first single, which happens to be this one.

ARTIST: Duran DuranSONG: Planet Earth

ALBUM: Duran Duran

DATE RELEASED: February 2,
1981

PEAK POSITION ON THE UK CHARTS: #12

It
did take a little longer for the band to make it big in North America, but by
1984, the group had released several hit singles and had gone on tours all over
the world. By the middle of 1984
though, the band was exhausted and there were rumours of in-fighting within the
band, so the group temporarily called it quits right around that time.

That's
not to say that the members of Duran Duran did nothing in between. John Taylor and Andy Taylor formed The Power
Station with Robert Palmer, while Le Bon, Roger Taylor, and Nick Rhodes went on
to put together this band in 1985.

ARTIST:Arcadia

SONG: Election Day

ALBUM: So Red The Rose

DATE RELEASED: October
1985

PEAK POSITION ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS: #6

Of
course, by 1986, the band Duran Duran re-formed - minus Roger Taylor and Andy
Taylor - and went on to release several more albums. The original line-up briefly reunited in 2004, where they had a
hit single with "Reach Up For The Sunrise", but Andy Taylor left the
group for good, making Duran Duran the quartet it is today.

Now,
since this post is about the lead singer of Duran Duran, I should mention that
Simon Le Bon has had a fantastic run as lead singer. How many other people can boast that they've been the lead singer
of a band for thirty-five years other than say Mick Jagger? Not many, I bet.

He's
also done thousands of concerts and still has the energy to perform as if he
were forever twenty-three...though he was sidelined for a couple of months in
1993 to recover from a torn vocal cord.
A similar instance occurred in 2011 where he had to cancel the rest of a
summer tour.

He
also survived a yachting accident when his maxi yacht capsized during a race,
trapping him and his crew underwater for nearly three-quarters of an hour! Despite this, he went on to compete in the
Whitbread Round The World Race where he placed third!

Monday, October 26, 2015

Last week, I decided that I
would take on a bit of a challenge to see how well I could do. Here, let me refresh your memory.

So this is something that I
like to call the 7-Day, 5-Minute Facebook Challenge. And the idea behind this challenge was to cut back on my usage of
social media. I think that we have all
had moments in which we get blown away by how much of the day that we spend on
computers, smartphones, and cell phones, and I wanted to take this challenge to
prove to myself that I could live without social media.

My initial goal was to go on
Facebook for five minutes each day for seven days, and that was all that I
would do.

I failed miserably.

It's not as though I didn't try
to do it though. I had every intention
to follow through with my plan. But it
was all in the timing.

You see, I happened to pick the
same week that our Canadian elections were being held. Couple that with the fact that a lot of my
Facebook friends were celebrating birthdays that week, and well...let's put it
this way. It is a lot harder than I
thought it would be.

But do I consider this little
exercise a complete failure? Absolutely
not. Even though I didn't stick by the
rules, my social media usage went way down as a result! Rather than spend hours on the computer
wasting time, I only spent minutes, and focused my time on other things. It was such a freeing experience, let me
tell you.

And on top of all that, I found
that I was happier when I was away from it!
No longer did I get caught up in Facebook drama, or get buried in a
whole bunch of memes that I had seen a thousand times, or get bombarded with
game requests. It was nice to not have
to deal with all of that.

Don't get me wrong, I
definitely think that social media has its merits. It's a great way to get connected with the world and a wonderful
platform to share your thoughts with like-minded people. But at the same time, I think most of us in
general tend to spend too much time on these platforms. It's not good to have too much of anything,
and I wanted to see if I could take on the 7-Day, 5-Minute Facebook Challenge
to at the very least see if I could cut back on social media.

It may not have worked the way
that I wanted it to work, but at the same time, I think it was a success in that
I did do what I wanted to do.

That said...I probably should have made it a 7-Day, 30-Minute challenge.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Hello.
everyone! Are you looking forward to
another edition of The New Archies Reviewed? I have to tell you, it's been fun to do this. I forgot how badly this cartoon has aired,
and I'm thinking of bringing back random 1980s slang, just to see how the 2015
generation reacts. I figure that since
it's "Back To The Future" week, it's totally radical timing, dude!

Sorry. I'll stop now.

Okay,
so what episode were we on? Oh,
yeah...we were finishing up episode seven.
The first part of episode seven was one I really liked, and as of right
now is my favourite episode. Let's see
what the second half brings us.

Episode 7B:
Jughead the Jinx. Hmmm...if I recall, I did
like this one as well. Not as much as
"Red to the Rescue", but it's enjoyable enough. And, do you realize that this is the FOURTH
episode where Jughead has a starring role?
He's sure come a long way from the first episode where he spoke all of
twelve words - one of which was Feltzig.

And
our episode begins...in an African desert?!?
Whoa, where the hell did Riverdale Junior High get the money in the
budget to send the whole school to Africa on a field trip? Oh,
wait.They only sent Jughead.And Jughead's having a very miserable time,
crawling through sand dunes, dying of hunger and thirst.I'm guessing that based on what we know
about Jughead, he's only been there for twelve seconds, but what do I know?

And
after mistaking a desert oasis for a burger and fries, Jughead happens to trip
over a lamp in the middle of the desert.
He rubs the lamp, out pops a blue hued Genie that sounds like the late
Robin Williams, and Jughead transforms into Aladdin and sails off to rescue the
beautiful Princess Jasmine.

No,
wait. That's the Disney movie,
"Aladdin", which has recently been re-released. Do check it out. It's one of my favourite Disney films.

So,
right off the bat, Jughead wishes for hamburgers, and the Genie grants him his
wish, and just for fun he gives Jughead a gong and a mallet, telling him that
if he wants more, to just hit the gong.
Either Jughead's hit the jackpot, or he's dreaming.

Yep. He's spotted Patrick Duffy coming out of the
shower and realizes that yes, he has been dreaming. After all, we see the disturbing image of Jughead holding a
baseball bat while feathers are coming out of his mouth from him trying to eat
his hamburger shaped pillow.

But
Jughead seems more concerned over the fact that in his sleep induced haze, he
took the bat and smashed his mirror to smithereens. And now Jughead has been cursed with back luck, lasting him
straight through...1994.

And
right off the bat, Jughead's luck seems to be working against him. While most students would be thrilled to be
the representatives to give a royal couple from an obviously fictional nation
the key to the city in a ceremony, when Miss Grundy announces that Jughead is
getting the honour, it causes Reggie and Veronica to react with disgust, Archie
to cheer for Jughead, and Jughead wishing he was back in that desert
re-enacting "The Gong Show" with that genie.

Over
at Pop Tate's, Archie, Betty, and Eugene take Jughead out to dinner to
celebrate his being chosen to meet with the royal couple, but all Jughead can
do is worry about how he is cursed, and how the whole evening will be a
disaster, which leads to this awesome sight gag seen above!

Betty tries to calm him down, and Eugene tells Jughead to eat his burger and
shut up about being a jinx. Jughead
obliges, not realizing that he has overloaded his burger with ketchup and he
squirts some on the floor.

Enter
Moose who slips on the puddle of ketchup and crashes right onto the table where
Betty, Jughead, Eugene, and Archie are seated.

I
tell you...it's a hamburger massacre.
Maybe Jughead is jinxed!

Oh,
and here comes Veronica, who seems to have come back to her senses following
her personality transplant last episode and has handed Jughead a list of do's
and do not do's for the royal gathering.
After all, the gala is being held at Lodge Mansion, so it's definitely
crucial to HER reputation that everything goes well.

And
Jughead responds by throwing a strawberry milkshake all over Veronica, which is
totally how I would react as well. But
in Jughead's case, it was purely accidental, and now Jughead is convinced that
he's going to blow the whole thing.
Fortunately, Archie, Betty, and Eugene have decided to stick by Jughead
through the ceremony to make sure that it goes off without a hitch.

Which
is when we are treated to a scene of Reggie with a Cheshire cat grin on his
face, listening in on the conversation at Pop's front entrance. See, Reggie is upset that Jughead got chosen
to greet the royal couple instead of him, and now he wants revenge. And he plans to use Jughead's superstitious
nature against him.

At
the Lodge Mansion, a crew of people are working together to get the place ready
for the royal gala - which let's just say is on a Friday the thirteenth, just
for the hell of it - and Reggie is already making mischief. He's carrying four large balloons filled
with water (which must show that Reggie has superhuman strength as I can't even
carry ONE that huge without it busting), and he's placing them in the balloon
drop mechanism over the stage. But just
as he's placing the last balloon in, Veronica comes in and startles Reggie so
much that he falls off the ladder, breaks his neck, and dies.

Just
kidding.

Actually,
Veronica has come in to ask Reggie a favour.
Since Veronica knows that Jughead isn't exactly a member of the upper
crust, she wants Reggie to teach Jughead how to greet the royal couple
properly.

Judging by the look of Reggie's eyes in that very moment, he's thinking two
things. One, he wants to make Jughead
crash and burn. Two, he's craving
Hawaiian luau food.

Either
way, Reggie sees the request as another opportunity to ruin the event for Jughead,
and he teaches Jughead the "royal greeting" of the fictional nation
that the King and Queen are from - which apparently involves a cross between a
jumping jack, the hokey pokey, and an early version of the Macarena. It's just as goofy as this screenshot looks,
believe me.

Oh,
and to top it off, Reggie hands Jughead the official "walking stick"
of the country and tells him to perform the greeting carrying it. I wonder what's so special about that stick
anyway?

Now,
here's where things get really entertaining.
While Reggie continues to booby trap the ball room, which includes
placing remote controls around the building to activate the water balloon drop
and spring loaded punch bowl, Veronica happens to walk in on Jughead performing
the totally bogus greeting that Reggie taught him. And instead of getting suspicious, Veronica insists that Jughead
show her how to do it so she can greet them properly!

It's the night of the gala and everybody from Riverdale Junior High is dressed
in their Sunday best...well, by late 1980s standards, anyway. And, Reggie has an evil grin on his face as
he tries everything possible to wreck the gala so that he can make Jughead look
foolish. And when he spots Betty and
Archie giving Jughead a pep talk by the punch bowl, Reggie activates the switch
on his remote control to douse the three with delicious fruit punch...

...only
it doesn't work. Seems like Reggie's
been using cheap batteries or his Slinky spring has malfunctioned. See, I may not be a huge believer in good
luck, but I am a firm believer in karmic retribution. And Reggie's jealousy is starting to come back to bitch slap him
into next century.

(Which,
granted in New Archies time is only thirteen or fourteen years, but still.)

It's
time for the ceremony to begin and Veronica introduces the King and Queen
of...okay, I'll admit it. I don't even
remember what the name of the country is that they're representing. I'll have to rewatch this later at some
point.

Anyway,
Veronica opens the ceremony by doing the greeting that Jughead taught her that
he learned from Reggie, who made it up just to embarrass Jughead. Instead, Reggie is mortified that he has
instead humiliated Veronica until the King and Queen do the greeting themselves! Another lucky break for Jughead, who goes on
stage and greets the royal couple the exact same way!

But
Reggie still has his trump card. If the
punch bowl gag didn't work, surely the water balloon drop trick would. Sure enough Reggie grabs another remote and
activates a remote control hidden amongst the hundreds of balloons located up
above.

Of
course, you can't drop balloons over someone without it being New Years' Eve,
the opening of a new business, or giving a royal couple a key to the city, so
Jughead has to honour his duties by giving them the key and telling them to
"have a nice day"! I'm pretty
sure that Veronica must be seething over the fact that Jughead seems to be
acting more like a Walmart door greeter than a royal representative, but for
now, we'll just go with it.

It
is then that the Queen notices Jughead's "walking stick", and Jughead
politely hands over the stick when the couple wants to take notice. Back on the floor, Reggie's remote control
is once again acting up. Reggie did
remember to charge those rechargeable batteries, didn't he?

It
turns out that the walking stick isn't a walking stick at all. It's an umbrella. But isn't it bad luck to open up an umbrella indoors?

Well,
if you're Jughead, it turns out to be a blessing. At the moment the umbrella pops up, Reggie's water balloon drop
releases sending cascades of water flowing down. Geez, how much water did Reggie fill those balloons with?

Fortunately,
Jughead's quick thinking prevents him and the royal couple from getting
completely drenched. But poor Veronica
looks like a drowned rat, and she is absolutely furious.

Especially
since she remembers seeing Reggie put something in the balloon drop hours
earlier. And let me tell you. An angry Veronica is to be feared.

Reggie
tries to run away from Veronica, but backs into the punch bowl which NOW
decides to activate. Reggie is doused
by punch, Veronica slips on the punch and knocks Amani and Betty over. Betty knocks over Archie and Eugene, who
crash into Mr. Weatherbee and MS. Grundy, who crash into Moose who then sails
into the support beams of the stage.
Nice use of the entire cast there!

Wait. Moose took out the support beams of the
stage? That means that the King and
Queen are in danger of getting injured!
But wait! Jughead defies the
laws of physics and manages to grab onto the King and Queen and all three of
them float safely to the ground.

Someone
who isn't safe? Reggie. He's holding his arm and has punch in his
eye, and he is calling for a medic!
Seems like he's been cut by the broken crystal pieces of what was left
of the punch bowl. It's a good thing
the animators used pink for the punch.
If they had used red, it may not have been suitable for a children's
cartoon!

Outside
the Lodge Mansion, a crowd gathers to watch Veronica publicly tear a strip off
of Reggie who completely ruined HER event!
But luckily for Reggie there was a doctor in the house to bandage up
Reggie's arm for him! How's that for
plot contrivance?

You want to know what else is contrived?
Jughead blaming HIMSELF for how the event went, claiming that he really
is a jinx. But everyone else in the
Riverdale Peanuts gang call Jughead Jones a blockhead, and remind him that when
Reggie's gags went out of hand, he saved the King and Queen from getting
injured!

This
causes Jughead to react with happiness saying that his luck has changed, and he
seems to have found a four-leaf clover confirming it.

Well,
that is until Jughead realizes that the clover only has three leaves. But it doesn't matter. Jughead doesn't need lucky charms to get him
through life...not when he has good friends.

And
of course, the episode ends like an episode of "Fame", with Jughead
and his friends coming together for a high-five session.

Okay,
so maybe the ending of the episode was lame, but I do like this one. I didn't know that Jughead was so
superstitious and that he went so crazy over them, but he still went ahead with
his responsibilities which show that he is a strong person. And once again, Reggie gets his comeuppance.

Speaking of Reggie...if you like him, the next
episode of New Archies Reviewed is all about him. And in this case, the gang decide that the best way to get Reggie
to stop being a jerk is to be nice to him.
We'll see how that works out!