Life After Medicine

Sex Education

07/11/2017

When I resigned from my job last year and embarked on my career break, I honestly had no idea what it was I was going to end up doing in the future. I knew that I would need to earn money at some point, and I vaguely thought that I might go back to medicine. I also knew that I liked the idea of teaching, but beyond that I really didn't know. For the first few months that I was off work I mainly enjoyed spending time with my children, rediscovering my love of crochet and knitting, and having some much-needed downtime. I also had a lot of time to think about which aspects of my job I had enjoyed, and came up with a list that included: teaching; training; working with young people; helping people, and problem-solving.

During those months something else happened - my son started to become 'hormonal'. So I did what I have always done when a new transition happens to my children, and bought him a book about puberty. The book I chose was the Usborne book What is Happening to Me. Of course, I read it first before giving it to him, to check that the messaging was appropriate. Overall, it is a pretty good book on the subject, but it is nowhere near inclusive enough for my liking. I gave it to him anyway, and have had some great conversations with him stemming from his reading it. (I'm still on the lookout for a more LGBT-inclusive book about puberty for children - if you know of one please let me know in the comments).

So far so good I thought, and then he had sex education at school. I wasn't at all worried about that, as I have always had a very simple policy with my children - to answer any question they ask me with an honest answer, using words and concepts that they can understand. From the age of 5 onwards (because that is when he asked) the now 10yo has gradually learned about sperm and eggs, pregnancy, periods, IVF, donor conception and much much more. Imagine my surprise therefore, when he announced one evening that "You and J have never had sex have you?". I asked him why he said that and he said "Well, at school they said that people have sex to make a baby, and I know that you need to get sperm from a clinic to have a baby, so you don't ever have sex do you?" It turns out that at school he had indeed been taught about sex, but also that it was only for reproduction. After I had explained to him that sex is also for fun (which blew his mind, because he was 9, and the idea of sex at all seems incomprehensible to him) I started wondering about just exactly what sex education is provided in schools.

My own sex education at school was terrible, but I had hoped that things might have improved in the intervening thirty years. One of the only things I can remember from my experience of sex education was the time the teacher told us that he had eaten the placentas of all four of his children (yes, really - can you imagine?). We did learn about condoms, and we watched a terrible soft-focus video of a very 1970s couple having sex, but that was about it. And needless to say, it was all incredibly heteronormative.

Reflecting on my own inadequate sex education, and discussions with school parents and friends led me to think that I might have found a niche. I wondered if I could use my expertise as a sexual health doctor, my love for teaching, and my enthusiasm for ensuring that children are taught the right things about sex at school, to make a career out of sex education.

Initially I did a lot of research, which including speaking to my teacher friends about sex education provision in their school, and within a few weeks I picked up some freelance work. I also volunteered to teach the teachers at my children's primary school, and advised them on the rewording of their sex education policy. Let me tell you, I really loved it. I rediscovered my love of learning, and of teaching, and I received some very positive feedback. And then a couple of months ago I received an email from someone I had worked with telling me that there was a job being advertised at the Sex Education Forum to become a Relationships and Sex Education Trainer - responsible for training teachers how to deliver RSE.

This seemed too good to be true, but nevertheless I applied, and to my delight I was offered the job.

I'm only three weeks in, so it's too soon to tell whether I have found my vocation, but so far it is going well, and I am really enjoying getting my head around my new role. The job is part time, which means both that I still get to spend a lot of time with my children, and that I can continue to develop my crochet and knitting skills, as well as having a small amount of very important me-time.

When I look back to how I was feeling at the beginning of this year, it seems amazing that I have achieved so much in the last few months. I am very proud of myself, and am more hopeful for the future than I have been in a very long time.