Wednesday, October 26, 2005

What not to say when applying for your marriage license - final chapter

Geo and I have braved the elements and were completing our application for our marriage license. Scary thing is, we have meant to do this for quite a while but little things (that have recently been eliminated) got in the way. We even bought our wedding bands. They are made out of Titanium and they are still sitting in the box in the same spot I left them three months ago.At least that's one cost that won't be wasted now.The application process went pretty quick and relatively painless ... like a tetanus shot. It would have been quicker if I were paying attention.

The only slight problem we ran into with the application was with me. I am a widow. When my husband died, I was told by legal counsel that I could legally have my name changed back to my maiden name without having to petition to the courts (as some divorcees do after they are rid of their ex). All I needed to present to Social Security and the Department of Motor Vehicles was my husband's death certificate. Well, when this lady was filling out the app, she asked for my change of name documents. I nervously looked at Geo, who gave me the look of "oh you have to been effing kidding me", and told her what I was told years ago when N died.

"Oh, I don't think that's true. I'll check but I think there might be a problem."

She got up to go ask (I am assuming) her supervisor. I couldn't believe after all these years I had to petition and pay to get my name changed to something that, according to the US Government, it already was. Geo was pissed.

"It's always something." he muttered under his breath

"Don't worry. It's total crap. No way would Social Security change my name willy-nilly. I even remember the girl at the Norristown office calling somewhere to verify I could do it."

She came back with a smile.

"You were right!"

Whew!

She printed out the application and Geo and I checked it for errors. None! We signed it and she showed us a copy of our "keepsake" license.

"You get a certified copy of it in the mail two to four weeks after your wedding."

Odd. I don't recall ever receiving one with my first husband.

She also told me that since 9/11, the US Government is much stricter in changing one's surname. For the price of one dollar, I got a photocopy of our application. I was to present the marriage certificate plus the photocopy to Social Security and the Department of Motor Vehicle. The photocopy was for paper trail purposes. Now I understood why she was so iffy about my name change.

"And I am sure," she said while looking at my last name, "that you'll want to change to his."

Just so you know, my name will go from ten letters to three.We gave her cash, she handed us receipts, and that was that!We left the office and headed down the hall back to the elevators. There were two officers standing there with two rather scraggly characters in handcuffs also waiting to get on the 'vator. When it arrived, the officers said to the occupants, "Please leave. We have to escort these men downstairs." Great. Off the lift came an older couple, a young woman with a toddler in her arms, a woman who could have passed as a lawyer, and a young man. The lawyerish lady said, "I'm taking the damn stairs!" and, in a huff, clicked-clicked-clicked with her heels down the mini-hall (where you get your hunting license) and disappeared through a doorway. I looked at Geo and he looked at me and we headed to the stairs."This ain't so bad. We're getting our exercise in" he said as we stomped down to the first floor.We walked through the double wood doors and stopped dead."Where the [expletive] are we?" I said out loud as I looked around the extremely unfamiliar surroundings. It looked like we were in a basement. There was a small landing of stairs to our right that lead up to a pair of glass doors to the street outside. In front of the doors was this sign that said "As of [some date before today], you may not use these doors to exit the building [blah blah blah]". And to our left look like the Doylestown Sheriff's Department. Even better!The doors to the stairwell opened and a another lawyer type came through the doors. She noticed our expressions of bewilderment and asked, "Do you need help?""Yeah," said Geo, "how do we get out of this building?"She laughed and told us to go back up the stairs to the second floor and that's how we exit.Oh joy! More exercise!Back up the stairs we went to the second floor where we found ourselves at the security checkpoint from this morning. I looked and saw this huge wall of glass with double doors that lead to the outside world. I asked the smiling guard (again with the smiling) if that was the way out."Yes, ma'am. You have a good day and be careful."And we were out of there!Back in the car, we were fighting over the climate controls."I'm hot!""I'm freezing!""You have piss for blood!""And you're not human you friggin polar bear!"I gave up and sat there in the passenger seat stewing trying to keep warm."Are you ever going to friggin ask me to marry you?!" I blurted outGeo chuckled"Okay. Hey hooch, you wanna get married?""Yes.""Okay, we're done. Now quit your bitchin'!" He flashed me the smile that won me over years ago.He is such the hopeless romantic. Actually, I think when it comes to romance, he's just hopeless.But I still love him. I must. I'm gonna marry him!