Robocop 3 is the last sequel of the great franchise, except of the TV series which are definitely sucks. Did I mention that since first movie Robocop 2 started slowly degenerating to a level of the stupid and the lame action with the simple premise like get the kid and kill another villain robot? Did I mention about NUKE power and stupidity of being robot addict? Yes, that was Robocop 2 and it was kind of funny to bash to the balls, because Robocop 2 was stupid but still entertaining back then.

But what we can say about Robocop 3? Unfortunately the third part was so boring and gibberish in story that I even don’t want it to compare with Robocop 2. I really don’t want to make a review, but let me ask some questions.

Does he look like a robot? Moreover, could you believe that a ninja can be a robot? If he a fucking cyborg why do he need to be a ninja then? And how he jumps so high if he made of metal inside, we can see it then Robocop chops him down. By the way, why that ninja-robot uses the sword in 21st century being in America? Did director really think that Japanese people don’t know how to use guns? Isn’t kind of stereotypical. I could possible lead to the thoughts of the screenwriter of this shitty movie. Just imagine a writer behind his table who is scratching his head with the pencil: “We need an evil robot! Yes, like in the previous series, coz that worked well! Now we need something new… like… the Japanese…. Japan? Lemme guess. The Japanese man… Hara-kiri? Japan? Samurai? Sword? Oh YA! The Japanese robot with the sword!” Another freaking question, is he a cyborg, played by a human actor then how you suppose to convince audience that he is a cyborg not a human? Yea, Schwarzenegger did it well in Terminator, but not this Japanese guy!

Where is the government in this movie? I know it more looks like today’s America then the corporations and banks are buying out our houses, but that we have seen about OCP? It’s just a corporation, it is cannot attack citizens with weapons because it could mean only one — a civil war. Could you believe that the Bank of America will bring out on the streets of USA the troops… Yeah, to be honestly I pretty believe in that and that happens pretty well now… But, the point of my rant is why the fuck they brought the tanks, it more looks like the Nazi regime… okay, okay, this is what is happening in America today and what has happened before. Remember the black riots of 1967? Tanks? Soldiers? Yes corporations are taking over the world and this is maybe the one serious point to this movie! It reflects our reality pretty well.

What the fuck? Church? What? Church? I mean, I’m not against it, I‘m religious man too, but put Robocop inside the church and you will spoil all macho style of this movie? Can you imagine Terminator in a prayer’s cab? Or universal soldier sitting on the bench? How it could possibly be entertaining to be involved around the Church if your movie expected to be a kick ass action with the Robocop himself?! What will be the next? An orphanage?

Now this another mistake in Robocop 3 the spirit thing. How we can combine those too different contradictory elements in the movie about cyborg? How they could coexist and be taken seriously by audience? This is a Robocop a realistic, somber, criminal and violent movie! This is about the life and greed, corruption and bigotry, death and treachery, dirt and violence of America… ghosts? When it become a Disney movie? Why it smells like bullshit? I mean Disney pictures are great, but try to combine it with the Godfather movie isn’t it would be bullshit? We have a good premise in the Robocop 1 about corruption and criminal activates in Detroit, why just don’t stay in that way? No! The spirit comes to Robocop and helps him! I believe in spirits and love, but you should to believe me, that is not compatible with the Robocop, this is not compatible with America in common. You should be a violent motherfucker!

Wow, we can fly! Lets buy the audience with gadgets. Let see in the first movie he was just walking like a jerk, in the second he has a bike, cool! But in the third he will… swim? Remember the hacked Mario cartridges for NES? They were green. Yellow and orange. There was one mode then Mario was flying like a hell! It was in the late of 80’s and the beginning of 90’s, the time of the second Robocop. I presume I know the source of inspiration for that flying trick!

Does that was necessary? Many kids were like stunned by the new wings of Robocop and yes it looked pretty well, especially on the cover of the NES cartridge. But once again, the main picture of the thirst Robocop is totally broke. Yes, it is good to see that Robocop became a public hero in a third part but why the movie director made accentuated on that well? Why he combined churches, spirits, wings and Japanese samurais in one pot? Isn’t a little bit strange blender we got here? It looks like the movie producer wanted to show us all his fantasies and potential of the movie, but in the common we have god an outdated pizza with the smeared cheese.

Don’t want to criticize it anymore, but can definitely say this is the most failed and boring Robocop sequel. It’s not even stupid and fun like the second part it’s just boring and gibberish. Don’t waste your time, better play some golf with your dog, be a man not a machine.

Robocop 2

Robocop 2 (1992) or the secrete of the NUKE! Welcome to the fucking stupidity and the world of the lobotomized screenwriters. You probably remember the voice recognition program on Windows XP which was named Microsoft Sam Voice? The voice recognition soft where you are putting your words and the machine pronounce it like a human being. Remember how we were trying to put something plausible out of that junk shit motherfucker with the metallic speech? In the same way tried out the screenwriter of the Robocop 2 movie, typing the random words like “nuts”, “Nike”, “NUKE” and “this is the bust” to make out a really “cool” movie script about the Robot who is also a fucking cop and even a little bit a human being!

What the fuck, sir?

First of all, what’s happened with the city? Where is the real, dark and repulsive Detroit with the gray and somber weather? What do we see in the second Robocop, a sun? Blue sky? The children are playing near the broken water pimp? Really? Did the director of the movie really forget to put some rainbow and puppies in this sci-fuck? OMFG I see the rainbow!

Alright, the background pattern is already broken, but this is not so fatal isn’t? The second moment, that pisses me off, what’s happened with our main hero, the Robocop? I mean, he is in the same shape and design, but look at his movements! He moves so overacted that it looks like the actor tried to fucking over-Robocop the Robocop! Why he knocks the door at the beginning of the movie and then knocks it out? Is that supposed to be in the best traditions of Looney Tunes? Did I mention that Orion produced this pile of crap not WB?

And what’s up with the one-liners? “Your move, creep”? Okay, this is kind of funny, but how about “This is a bust”? And Robocop says his first line of the movie directly like I cited: “This is a bust!” I want to ask something from a movie director too: “Is this supposed to be a joke?” Coz, I don’t get it! And I don’t see any fucking punch line here. If the whole Robocop humor concerns those stupid one-liners, why just do not put the punch lines like “This was a joke” after every lame sentence!? What we had in the first movie? “Dead or alive you will come with me” and here we have “this is a bust”. And it sums up the degradation of the series, as I mentioned.

How about villains, villains make the central point of any action movie? Really? Do you really believe that Robocop 2 has something serious to offer about villains? How about some kids who are smearing up Robocop with the spray? How about another baseball fan kids in the blue caps robbing the store on Woodward Ave? And finally, how about the 10 years old kid who is the boss of the whole fucking drug mafia and in the same time, the main character of the movie? Yes, the kid is the villain, could you believe in that? There are only kids and kids in this shit ass movie! I mean, what is the fucking problem of the movie director? Did he have some pedophile desires at that period of time? Seriously, could you believe that the major of Detroit (Klippatrick I presume) will contact with the 10 years old kid for a big-mother-fucking-deal-of-the-year?

I mean this is a Robocop movie! The violent and harsh criminal action in Terminator traditions! Remember the villains form the first Robocop? Does they were talking shit like in the second movie? They were fucking killers and smugglers. Remember how they slaughtered Alex Murthy literally tearing him apart? Firstly, they ripped off his wrist and then the whole hand! And only after that they shot him down! What a bastards! Well, forget about that, all what we have in Robocop 2 is a cheap ass dismantling of Robocop. Could they come up with something more intimidating than dismantling? This is not the Lego movie!

And another outrageous question, why anyone surrounding this boss-kid do not rid of him? Why they are so afraid of him? Know you why? You think he is a son of Chuck Norris? No fucking shit! He has a…

NUKE is you power motherfucker! He holds it in his hand, trying to control the world! NUKE is your power you bitch ass nigga…. I’m sorry, I was under the effect of NUKE.

NUKE is a drug, and the boss-kid posses it. Then why don’t punch the kid in the stomach and take it out? Because he have a gun? Every fucking asshole has a gone in this movie! Moreover, why the drug scientist, who created the drug do not sell it for his own profit? What, the kid said “no” and it worked out? Camel is your mother, dear screenwriter!

Robo-nuker? Or just addicted peace of shit?

Now take a gasp, I know you tired to read this all, but we have a robot addict in this movie! Fuck yeah, why not? The evil robot made of the spinal cord of the drug user, who constantly asks some NUKE before going to sleep. Oh, my God, did the scientist check his brain on NUKE? Who needs a robot addict? How it possible to be a robot addict if you have not body and seizures anymore? The corrupted brain? You maybe, right then what is the point to create a killer on your own ass? Dear major of Detroit, you fucked up again!

Now, to give a credit to this movie I’ll probably suggest one funny scene, where the commission of OCP attends the new robot demonstration. That was a lot of fun to watch different Robocop models which were going crazy with no reason, shooting down scientists and making suicide.

What we can say about this movie? This is a step back. And step back in screenwriting at the first place! The movie could be more interesting than even the first part if they put some real villains and plausible story around that new drug named NUKE. But, unfortunately, we have some parody, which could be entertaining enough for some strange reasons. Maybe it’s because you still see Murphy and his mate in a lame action? Who knows, I’m going to take some another doze of NUKE, good luck!

Robocop

The first or the original Robocop movie (1987) is maybe only the true one, which we can call the best of the series. The other following series like Robocop 2 and Robocop 3 are still disputable flicks with no innovations at all (except maybe the 3d part). And we are not taking in consideration the TV series which are definitely suck ass! First of all, this movie is a big hit and even event in sci-fi genre of 80’s. Robocop is a good example that the sophisticated genre like science fiction can be so marketable and entertaining in the couple with action! The Terminator is definitely another good example.

The success of the movie is a Robocop itself. People always liked masculine superhero robots and Robocop had an original design and character never shown before in Hollywood so well. All starts with Alex Murphy, this is the famous name now, just like John Connor for many people. Alex Murthy is a typical Detroit cop, and I guess many people heard about notorious murder-city too! He operates in his heavy duty job and gets the trace on a vicious drug gang! But wait a second! I will not describe you the whole movie! Let’s criticize a little bit.

First of all, how looks the Detroit city In this movie? Is it realistic for 80’s? Is it realistic for Detroit? Yes, it looks more like Dallas, because it is mostly Dallas TX, but we can follow up for some Detroit locations too, like burned out Ford plants and abandoned factories, cranes, metal shifts, etc. Yes, this is more like Detroit, bad weather, cold and rusted metal. Gangs are ruling the streets, drugs are cheaper than ice cream and all you need to get a gun is just to shout out: “guys I need a gun!” and somebody definitely with the black skin will approach to you with his supply on your offer.

Truly American approach

In the Robocop movie you can see all about Detroit and America itself – violence, cars, drugs, guns, corruption did I mention violence? Even Paul Verhoven delivers his message pertaining the GM’s collapse in this movie. Remember hilarious advertising scenes in the first Robocop movie? We forgot to mention that Paul Verhoven, that German bastard and brother of Uwo Boll was an advertiser before his move career! Look at the ads like this for example:

[blockquote_message]Buy only the best cars! D3000 SUX! Bigger means better![/blockquote_message]

Here we see some references to Chrysler 300D, the huge muscle car of 60’s! Of course, we all know that Americans like big cars, but that sarcasm and irony “bigger means better” is wrong for economy, especially when you have the fuel efficient Toyota and Honda on your ass! Even the Robocop looks like he was designed and assembled in one of the GM’s plant in Detroit! Bulky, heavy, shiny, metallic, awkward, glitchy… can we say just Chrysler?

So, now we see that the movie director has chose the Detroit city not just out of the vault, sitting in German pub and watching the Nazi TV shows. He chose it for mockery and criticizing American economy and cowboy style! And now we are criticizing him for that movie! And I can definitely say Robocop is a good movie!

Maybe the worst part of the movie is the violent and gruesome scene, there officer Murthy gets killed by a four eyed villain Clarence Bodykicker (?). The scene has a deliberately prolongation of violent derision and humiliation under police officer’s body, back then in the abandoned factory. Especially, the part with the ripped out hand, which was excluded from the theatrical release. And I think it was made right towards our children. And we are still asking about the high crime rates?

Experimenting or bullshitting?

Another outraging moment, how Alex Murthy could be possibly survived for OCP’s Robocop experiment after then villain shot him directly in the head? I mean, the brain has been obviously damaged, why they picked up the man with the damaged brain for the experiment? In Detroit city everyday somebody dies from more “reliable” and “soft” wounds like cancer and chest explosion! Couldn’t OCP pick up some villains or bums who just nearly dying from cancer or just had shot in the chest after another robbery on Woodward Ave? Many people in Colorado would do that for money with their healthy bodies!

And look at this screenshot, Robocop’s back head is totally metallic! What, they have totally drained out the brain and put inside electronic schemes instead of the brain? Then why they should to pick up a human body at all, if the Robocop in 99% consists of metal and micro schemes? Just to skin up the human face on the cyborg carcass? By the way, that human face of Murphy is also concealed behind the metal mask, so we could see only the lips and sometimes eyes! Another question is how the hell Murphy had those memories about the past in that creepy lobotomized condition?

All right, this review is not about scientific part of the movie; let’s say that Robocop is a classic sci-fi action movie which is very entertaining to watch, except some too explicit and gruesome moments. The villains are great, the story about mayor and corruption is also reflects our reality. Detroit streets are awesome and dangerous. The robot-villain is stupid and intimidating! The ending is original!

Now the Robocop franchise is looks like has totally exhausted. However, It would be interesting if somebody will make a movie like “Robocop and the secret of OCP”, or “Robocop-the revenge of Morgan!” Damn, I need some pills or should I say some NUKE?