Director

Air Date

When Charlie and Dee invade the rarefied world of the 1%, they find a romantic connection with two members of one of Philly's wealthiest families. When they catch wind of the fancy dinners, tennis matches and big parties, Mac, Dennis and Frank try to get a piece of the action. But, when all the scheming comes to a head, the whole Gang learns a lesson in love.

Contents

Charlie and Dee are in Dee's car, watching The Waitress at her new job, delivering Indian food on a bicycle. Charlie is aghast when he sees her leave her bike unattended, and not locked up, and he jumps out of Dee's car and chases a guy who is walking down the street (and apparently just walking down the street) away. The Waitress emerges from the building she was making the delivery to, yelling at Charlie. She asks Charlie what he is doing, and Charlie explains that he is protecting her bike from being stolen. The Waitress tells him that she is "done" with this and that he needs to stop stalking her. Charlie tells her that her life would be a "mess" without the tasks he does for her, including protecting her bike, putting vitamins in her shampoo, and testing her food to make sure that she is not being poisoned. The Waitress again asks Charlie to leave her alone. Charlie agrees to leave her alone.

He returns to Dee's car, obviously hurt (though Dee is amused). Charlie wants to just go back to the bar, but Dee wants to keep following The Waitress. She starts to pull out, and her car is rear-ended by a very expensive looking Aston Martin. Dee gets out of the car, clutching a small bat, in a rage. The driver of the car, however, admits fault, and introduces himself as Trevor, and also introduces his sister Ruby. Dee's rage is quieted, and Charlie likewise is smitten. They all seem to be attracted to each other, as evidenced by the ultimate sign that Dee is attracted to Trevor: she gags.

Back at Paddy's, Charlie and Dee are telling the rest of The Gang about what happened, and Dennis seems very skeptical. Charlie and Dee tell them that Trevor and Ruby are from the Taft family, which turns out to be a very wealthy family: Frank says that while he's rich, "these people are in the stratosphere." Mac's also heard of them: he says that virtually everyone in his family worked for TaftCo Enterprises, including his uncle, who "drowned in a vat of molten steel" (though Frank and the others helpfully correct him and said he probably actually burned to death). Mac tells them that is a "great opportunity" for Dee and Charlie to get into the Taft family—and, by extension, it's a great opportunity for the rest of them. He asks Charlie and Dee what their plans for the date are, and Charlie says they will "just be ourselves", which Dennis scoffs at. Frank and Mac also tell them that they should not be themselves: Mac especially warns Charlie to avoid cheese, and tells Dee to not be a "drunk, punchy whore".

Charlie and Dee's double date with Ruby and Trevor is at a very fancy restaurant. Charlie and Dee are trying to act sophisticated, but it looks like it's going to be a disaster. Charlie asks if it's true that their family came over on the Mayflower, and when Ruby confirms that they did, he launches into a bizarre discourse, which Dee joins in, about how they must have killed a lot of Indians, but he has "distaste" for Indians, and Dee says they "needed to be exterminated." Dee and Charlie also lie about their families being wealthy. Trevor asks if anyone would like a drink, and Dee declines, lying that she never drinks. Even worse for Charlie, two large platters full of cheese are wheeled over to the table, which sends him into a frenzied state. The temptation is too great for Charlie, and he starts wildly shoveling cheese into his mouth, finally just lowering his face directly into it. Their "sophisticated" act up, Dee steals a drink off someone else's table. They expect Trevor and Ruby to be horrified, but, to their surprise, it's quite the opposite: Trevor and Ruby say that they like them "because you're not like anyone we know." They decide to do some shots.

Dennis, Mac, and Frank are watching from outside. Dennis says that the fact that things seem to be going well doesn't make any sense: "Can the girl not smell Charlie? Can the guy not see Dee?". Mac tells Dennis to not be too cynical: "This is like Lady Di being plucked off the streets like the trash Charlie and Dee are." Dennis then says that he's figured it out: this is like Les Liaisons Dangerous, which Mac or Frank don't recognize. Dennis explains further: this is a game that bored rich people play, and they are toying with Charlie and Dee and will crush them for their own amusement. Frank agrees with Dennis. Dennis is worried about Charlie, because this will crush him, but not so much about Dee, because she's been crushed like this before. Dennis says they need to "dig a little deeper" and find out what Trevor and Ruby are really up to.

They all drive out to the Taft family estate. When Trevor and Ruby see the rest of The Gang, they ask if Charlie and Dee have brought some friends: Dee denies that they are friends of theirs, calling them some "hobos", but Trevor invites Frank, Dennis, and Mac in anyway to play tennis.

Dennis tells Frank that he will play tennis on Ruby's team and "extract her plan" to humiliate Charlie from her. Frank suspects that Dennis is just going to hit on her, which Dennis denies. Dennis plays tennis horribly, hardly impressing Ruby, who seems repulsed by Dennis, even after he "pops off" his shirt. Frank again tells Dennis to not hit on Ruby.

Inside, a very drunk Dee is dirty dancing (or something) for Trevor. Mac oversees this from outside. Just as Dee is about to bang Trevor, Mac bursts in, leading Trevor to take a martial arts stand, which Mac also does. Dee asks Mac to leave, but they start sparring with each other when she tries to make him leave.

Outside, Ruby is giving Charlie a massage because he's gotten a cramp. Frank and Dennis remark that she is "sinking her hooks" into Charlie. Dennis gets a phone call, and he complains that an "insane person" keeps calling him. He says he'll answer it to see who it is. He doesn't recognize the name, but it turns out that it's The Waitress. The Waitress' bike has been stolen, and she asks him if Charlie stole it. Dennis tells her that Charlie has been with him all day, and hangs up.

After he hangs up on The Waitress, Dennis says he realizes what's going to happen. The Waitress' life is going to change. She's going to keep calling and trying to get to Charlie, so she will have "a front row seat for the final moment of humiliation", which will destroy Charlie forever. So, to keep The Waitress away, Dennis tells Frank that he needs to start doing the tasks Charlie was doing for her, while he does "something very important".

Frank breaks into The Waitress' apartment. There's a problem, though: Frank (understandably) cannot read Charlie's list of tasks, which is written in his usual style of weird pictures and fractured English. He reads one task as putting rat poison in her shampoo. Meanwhile, Dennis is in a tanning bed, obviously a reaction to Ruby calling him pale earlier (and probably a sign that he is trying to bang her after all). The Waitress calls Dennis again, asking if Charlie has been poisoning her. After Dennis hangs up again, The Waitress hears Frank in her apartment, and Frank, after claiming to be her neighbor, runs her off.

Charlie and Ruby are walking down a street. Charlie tells Ruby that there's a girl who's the "love of her life", and that he must let her go before he's able to go further with Ruby. The Waitress shows up, very upset, showing that her hair is falling out, accusing Charlie of poisoning her. When Ruby corroborates Charlie's story that he's been with her the past couple of days, The Waitress angrily demands to know who "that bitch" is. Charlie says that she's his girlfriend, and kisses Ruby, and they leave together.

In his apartment, Dee and Mac are wrestling as Trevor tapes them. Trevor invites them to a party at the estate the next night.

At the party, Mac and Dee are dressed very casually, in contrast to everyone else, in black tie. Trevor introduces them to his frat brothers. Trevor tells them to go sit with some of his "frat brother's guests"—and points to a group of very geeky people. Suddenly Dee realizes what's going on, and leads Mac to the room where Trevor and his frat buddies are watching the tape of Mac and Dee wrestling and mocking it, calling them the "biggest losers ever." Dee and Mac are crushed, but just then Dennis comes up to them, saying that "They're not the only ones who can play these games", and telling them to come with him.

Ruby and Trevor's father calls the party to attention to make an announcement. He announces that he is taking TaftCo Enterprises public. At that point, Dennis steps forward, tell him that when he does, "the SEC is going to be all up in your ass." He says that while they all thought they could "play their little games", they've gone too far, and he says that Trevor has given Mac an insider-trading tip. He plays a video, recorded in his room, in which Trevor tells Mac that he should buy stock because Taftco is going public. Mac and Trevor seem very concerned about explaining the "context" of the video, that they are wrestling, because the video then appears to show them banging. Trevor's father calls him an "imbecile." Trevor says he wasn't aware he was being filmed, but Dennis tells him "If you're in my room, you're always being filmed."

Dennis then says that Ruby is "playing her games too", and he won't let her humiliate Charlie. He pulls out his phone, and we hear Frank say that "someone accidentally hit The Waitress with my car...I mean 'their' car" when "they" were following her, and that The Waitress says she needs him. He then puts The Waitress on the phone, and The Waitress says that if Charlie can make what has been happening stop, she needs him, and she wants him back in her life. Charlie says he'll be right there. Ruby seems genuinely hurt by this, and tells Charlie that this wasn't a game, and she really likes him. Charlie, in a truly shocking turn of events, tells her he knows she really likes him, and he was using her to make The Waitress jealous. Further, Charlie says that the fact that she let him bang her so quickly means she is not a "woman of quality", and she is acting like "a stupid little rich slut." Ruby is devastated, but Charlie doesn't seem upset in the least, and leaves the party. Even Dennis, Dee, and Mac are shocked by this.

Charlie goes to see The Waitress in the hospital. The Waitress tells him that she's thinking of amending the restraining order she has against him: she's not going to get rid of it, but she might let him come within 50 feet of her, not 100. This does mean that he has to leave, but he says he'll see her tomorrow, which The Waitress says is OK, "from a distance though".

Mary Elizabeth Ellis: "I went and shot on my set this year of my apartment, which used to be like really cute, and now it has graffiti in the hall. I'm turning into Charlie, I feel like. I don't know what's going to happen. Maybe we'll meet somewhere in the middle."

Tchaikovsky's "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" plays three times in this episode - the same version from 02x04 and 04x04. Also, this episode's cold opening starts with some background music - as well as 02x04 and 07x04 does.

According to the bottom section, Charlie has to "woch bad stoccer" (watch bad stalker), suggesting the Waitress may have another stalker Charlie defends her from (or, Charlie knows the Waitress is being stalked, but is unaware that he is her "bad stoccer").

Dee is able to crack open crab legs with ease, even though Mac can't. This is reference to her freakish hands.

According to Dee, historically Reynolds were a "railroad family" and they has the Vandervelts as a distant relatives. However, since she was trying to seem fancy, she could have been lying.

According to Mac, at the time Lady Di was "plucked from the streets like the trash she was". In actually, Lady Diana's family, the Spencers, is one of the oldest and most prestigious families in the British nobility.

The small baseball bat Dee carries as she goes to confront the driver who rear-ended her resembles the one she used to beat the shit out of the masturbating bum in Bums: Making a Mess All Over the City.

The Waitress somehow got Dennis' cell phone number, even after he changed it after the events of 07x08.

It's brought up once again in this episode that the Gang is unaware of the Waitress' name: Dennis has absolutely no idea who it is that's calling him unless she refers to herself as "Waitress".

“(pissed off about her car, with a small bat) If you don't have car insurance, you'd better have dental because I'm gonna smash your teeth into dust!!”

—

“(to Charlie and Dee about their double date) Be anybody but yourselves. Anybody! Charlie, do not eat any cheese or any cheese-like substances, okay? If you see any cheese, you run away from it! Dee, do not be a drunk, punchy whore, okay, YOU WHORE?”

—

“This does not make any sense. WHY is this going well? Can the girl not SMELL Charlie?Can the guy not SEE Dee?! Something's fishy.”