Am I "Asian Mom" Enough?

My biggest struggle as an Asian mom is trying to share Chinese culture, traditions, foods and holidays with my kids without feeling like I'm diluting the experience for them. Everyone else seems to think I should be a Tiger Mom.

When TIME asked, "Are You Mom Enough?", there was a lot of backlash, but I have to admit, the question stuck with me: Am I? In my case, though, the dilemma isn't breastfeeding or attachment parenting; it's about my Asian heritage.

I love talking about my children's unique mix of Chinese and Caucasian ancestry, but other Asian moms always ask if I speak Chinese — which I don't. I go into my well-rehearsed spiel that although my mom and sisters spoke Chinese, no one taught me. I jokingly add that I suspect it's because they wanted to talk about me in front of my face without me knowing what they were saying. This always gets a chuckle.

Then, the questions take a serious turn: "No really, when are your kids starting Chinese school?" To be honest, I feel guilty they don't go: I'm afraid that without Chinese school, my kids won't have the opportunity to learn the language at an early age, but because I don't speak the language, they wouldn't have anyone to practice with at home. Because I'm conflicted, I just don't know how to respond to the other Chinese moms.

And Chinese school is just one piece of what I'm expected to do. It may sound ridiculous to admit, but I struggle with the guilt that my kids may not live up to the Asian stereotype — excelling in school. I was certainly expected to: My mom would admonish me for coming home with a B, asking why I couldn't get an A.

When my oldest son started kindergarten I remember pressuring him to read, practice his handwriting, go through addition flashcards, and so on. Then, when his first set of report cards arrived, I was devastated that his marks weren't all exemplary. I really had to take a step back and think about what was really important: outstanding grades or a love of learning. I also had to remind myself one report card wasn't going to determine his whole future.

For me, moving past the other moms' questions and my own guilt is about helping my kids feel connected to and proud of their Asian background. My family may not partake in every facet of Asian culture, but we try to celebrate it in our own way. I can't make Chinese food other than fried rice to save my life, but we do order traditional dishes like whole steamed fish (my kids love seeing the fish head) and dumplings at local Chinese restaurants. We also take part in events such as Chinese New Year festivals and read books about Chinese traditions. I talk to my kids about my mom's life story and some of the historical events that brought her to the United States. One day I hope to take them to China and Taiwan to see where their grandmother was born and raised.

For me, being an "Asian mom" is so much more than good grades and mastering an Asian language. For my family, it's about finding our own way to infuse the culture into our lives. In this way, I am Asian mom enough.

Tracey Black is the author of Don't Mess with Mama, a blog about parenting, work-life balance, healthy eating, and life as a far from perfect mom. She has three boys under the age of eight, and lives in San Diego, California.