Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Laura Interview: Part Three

“Valkyrie is inspired by you in a lot of ways," I say, "from how you look to how you act to what your attitude is towards certain things and certain people- but is there something that Valkyrie has that you wish you had, too?

“Apart from the magic? No.” She smiles. “Valkyrie doesn’t have anything I don’t have.”

“We were talking about the Saw films a few months ago, and you said if you ever found yourself in a situation like that, you would-“

She starts laughing already. “Oh God, yes, what was it?”

“You said you would ‘explode your brain with fear’. That’s an exact quote from you.”

“You’re not going to put that in the interview, are you?”

“Oh yes I am, and it’s a line that WILL find its way into the books, I swear. Val would run headlong into something like that. Would you?”

“Well you see, the thing about the Saw films, it’s psychological, but with Valkyrie it’s all action. She hasn’t been in that kind of torture situation yet. With me, if you hit action, that’s fine, but it’s the fear of impending doom that’s the problem. It’s the fear, it’s the waiting. Whereas if you’re attacked, okay, boom, you handle it immediately, without thinking. But if you know it’s coming you start to panic. If you know there’s someone coming to slice your Achilles tendon, that’s when the fear kicks in.”

“Yeah, that’s, uh, that’s not pleasant.”

“No, it’s not. The only thing worse than death is the anticipation of death. I don’t think Val likes waiting around either. It allows the fear to fester.”

“We have an A, B or C question now,” I tell her.

“Really? What, are we in a teen magazine now or something?”

“See what you think of this one. If I have Valkyrie do or say something that you don’t agree with, would you A) threaten me, B) plead that I change it, or C) have no control whatsoever in the matter?”

“Can I add a D?”

“Go ahead.”

She leans forward. “Just tell you, ‘Derek, I wouldn’t say this, change it now’. I wouldn’t have to threaten you, because usually you’re really good about things like that. You like constructive criticism. It wouldn’t be a command or a demand, it would just be a statement. ‘This isn’t working. Fix it.’”

“What else do you usually get me to fix? When I’m finished writing a book, I’ll print up the manuscript and hand it over to you at the same time as I send it to my agent and editor. I get everyone’s notes back and I rewrite according to those notes. What are the main things that you pull me up on, in those early drafts?”

“Valkyrie saying stupid things. China going off and being friendly with people. That was a major problem with, um, what book was that? Where she’s standing around with Fletcher...?”

“Dark Days, when Val goes through the portal and China and Fletcher are left behind.”

“Yeah, that’s it. In the version you showed me, she has a nice friendly chat with Fletcher while they’re waiting around. But that’s just not China. You’d forgotten how aloof she is, and above it all, and how she really and honestly couldn’t care less about someone like Fletcher Renn.” Laura catches sight of something yellow and fluffy under my desk. “What’s this? Oh, it’s a duster.”

She pulls out the duster, extends the plastic handle, and proceeds to dust my face.

“This is very mature,” I mutter.

“This is so weird,” she says. “All these questions. We don’t have conversations like this. We talk about everything else- like, literally everything else- but we’ve never had a conversation about my feelings on being your inspiration, or whatever. You’re secretly delighted, aren’t you? You’re getting an insight into my brain.”

“Could you please stop dusting me?”

She sighs, and throws down the duster. “What’s the question? Oh yeah, what are the things I pull you up on. I don’t like when characters become too annoying, or when you try to make them go all funny when they’re not, or when Valkyrie and Skulduggery’s conversations get too ridiculous, and I don’t like-”

“That’s actually quite a list already.”

“Shush.”

“I actually didn’t expect it to be that extensive.”

“Shut up. We’ve also had some issues about character overlap, when different characters start to share the same type of humour. Like when Scapegrace was getting too like Kenspeckle, and the zombies were like Valkyrie’s dad, and Gordon was too like the zombies... But the thing is, by the time the book is printed and on a shelf, none of those things are in it anymore. You get rid of them in the manuscript, so that nobody out there knows what I’m talking about. Those kinds of things don’t make it into the books, not when I’m on duty. Or Michelle.” She leans into the microphone. “Michelle is Derek’s agent. Hi Michelle.”

“So you and Michelle safeguard these books?” I ask. “But not Nick? Nick doesn’t do anything?”

“I do, yeah, like when you make that stupid face that you’re making now, the sad puppy face... I don’t know, I’ve just never found your humour funny, and it irritates me when you’re trying to be funny in your books.”

She laughs. “See, you’re funny when you’re not trying to be funny, like there now when you’re having your little tantrum, throwing your pen down on the ground like a little spoiled child. ‘I am funny! I am!’”

“Well maybe if we, you know, interacted with other people instead of it always just being the two of us, then you could see just how funny I am in a social setting. Like, if we go out with a group of friends.”

“You don’t have a group of friends.”

“But you do, and I’d like to borrow them if they’re not being used.”

“You can’t. They’re my friends. But to get back to your question, why am I your friend? Because I like you. You just... are. You just... I don’t know why. When we sit down and have a conversation it’s just easy. I don’t know, it’s always been easy to talk to you. But I don’t think you’re funny.”

“I don’t think you’re funny either.”

“Yeah you do, you’re always laughing at the funny things I say.”

“I think you’re hysterical,” I admit sadly.

“See?”

“Okay, next question. How close is your life to Valkyrie’s, if you forget about all the magic stuff?”

“I live in a coastal town, beside the pier, there’s a hill up to my house, you can see the Martello tower, I get on great with my Mum.... But I have sisters, which Valkyrie doesn’t. My dad isn’t ridiculous like Valkyrie’s dad. I have horses.”

“Have you ever disagreed with how I’ve portrayed Valkyrie?”

“Yes, but whatever problems I have with your portrayal never make it into the final book, because I always win.”

“We have a few straightforward questions now. The folks out there want to know how old you are.”

“22.”

“Have you ever done martial arts?”

“Yes.”

“What type of car do you drive?”

She grins again. “A BMW. Black. I work hard.”

“How close are you to Tom’s drawing? The image of Valkyrie on the covers?”

“Um... very close, I’d say. Wouldn’t you? Obviously her features are sharper because that’s the style of the artist, but yeah, fairly close. Eyes, hair, height...”

“The readers of this Blog would really like a photo...”

“Oh they’re not getting a photo.”

“But you’re so pretty...”

“Ah Derek, they’re not getting a photo, because then no matter what image they had when they’re reading the books, they’re going to see me as Valkyrie, and I hate that. I hate when I go to a film, and then I go and read the book again, and all I see is the actor in the film. Like with Harry Potter, when you read the books, all you see are the actors. Besides, I have no desire to be famous.”

“They’re seriously going to complain if I don’t show them a photo.”

“I’m seriously going to hit you if you do.”

“Moving swiftly on, you’re going into your final year of college in September, which I know you’re super-happy about, but my Minions want to know what you do in your spare time. Do you actually HAVE spare time?”

“Sorry Dink. So, when you’re not in college, your time is pretty much taken up with horses.”

“And everyone always thinks, when they hear you have horses, they always think ‘oh, little rich girl’, and I’m so not, you know? But they have this idea, of playing polo and the white jodhpurs and whatever. And I’m like, ‘if they see me sometimes when I come up to Derek’s, covered in mud and muck, and I nearly strip at the door’. Like, in the wintertime, what am I like? Like a little onion, all wrapped up in layers.”

“What was the first horse you owned?”

“That’d be Mister. I bought him for 250 pounds when I was 8, all my Communion money. He was so dangerous. He was a stallion yearling that should not have been given to any child. I don’t know how I wasn’t killed, I really don’t.”

“You’ve broken your leg a few times.”

“Twice. The first time wasn’t bad, I was only in plaster for 8 weeks. The second time was a disaster. I was mangled, remember? I had pins in my leg and scars and I was on crutches for 16 weeks. But I’m not a soft-ass. I’m a hard-ass. The moment I could walk without those bloody crutches, I threw them down. It was so utterly inconvenient. I hated it.”

“Anything else broken?”

She hesitates. “Ribs. Wrist. Toes. And I broke my knuckle last week.”

She shows me her left hand, where the middle knuckle is definitely off centre. “Oh my God,” I say. “It’s out of shape!”

“Yes Derek, I know. I can’t make a fist properly. I just fell off a horse, jumping. And I think that’s when I pulled a muscle in my neck as well. It wasn’t my own horse, it was someone else’s. Bloody horses. But what can you do? Horrible in the wintertime, great in the summertime, and they make me money.” She shrugs.

“That’s actually why I was so intent on giving Valkyrie a broken leg in the first book,” I say. “Because you had suffered that injury, I felt she had to, too.”

“So you hurt her because I'd been hurt? No other reason but to inflict pain on the poor girl? You’re a sadist.”

“I’m not a sadist, I just enjoy hurting people.”

“Uh, that’s what a sadist is, Derek.”

“Oh yeah.”

Join us NEXT TIME for the fourth and FINAL part of this interview, when Laura talks about why she never watches me on TV, who she thinks should play Skulduggery in a movie, and why she refuses to admit that I’m awesome.

third whoot whoot!Haha, you guys are seriously like, I don't know. Just the way friends should be. Not completely all happy and rainbows and unicorns and that shit. You need insults and death threats every now and then. DEREK, PLEASE DO EXPLAIN ABOUT THE COMP!stay weird.Harly Ryker.

Laura's only 22?I wanted a photo. Not in a creepy way, lol no, just because you talk about how much she *is* Valkyrie, or rather that Valkyire *is* Laura. It would just be nice to be able to actually see this mysterious person. But fair do's if she's not comfortable with that and all. Anyway, this made me laugh, as did the fact that she refers to one of the horses as 'The Dink'. Haha :)

Owch .... all those broken bonesi broke my wrist by falling down a hill at schooli never broke my bones off a horse, but i have had my feet stood on by the school ponys alotHa, i do Go Kan Ryu karate, thats a martial art right?

Great third part interview! Just so you know, Mr. Landy, I think you are funny. LolI'm glad for Laura's input on your books. She seems to have a talent for story writing just like you.I don't blame her for not wanting to share her photo. She needs her privacy.However, I think it's to late for Laura if she does not want to be famous. She already is and I think her fame will grow as will yours. :)

YES!!!! HORSES!!! I've always wanted to break a bone riding horses, but nooo, i hade to break them just doing stupid little things... like riding a scooter. :( But anyway. WHY THE HECK DID YOU BUY A STUD COLT!?!?!?!?! Thats 1000lbs of testosterone and bloody wreck just waiting to happen. I have a shetland pony. baught her off a Native American Reservation, i was expecting her to have some cool indian name but no, her name was Buttercup. XD but she's adorable and sassy, and sweet. then I have a mare named Curley Sue, a Tennessee Walker. She's quite the baby sitter because she was used as a handicap horse. :) But my other horse... now thats my baby. her name is Sophia and I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!! she's a BEATUIFUL read roan Appaloosa cross. All my friends love her, so does my family but i love her most. She can be a pain in the butt but she can also be really friendly. horses are like people, they express emotion and have close to the same feelings. For those of you against horses, All i ask is that you open your mind to the possiblity, then open your heart. Really, if you try and are willing to put the work and effort into it, you will have a friendship unlike anyother. A bond that few are privilaged to in this world....wow... that was mushy. XD anyway, i'm one of the lucky ones and even if i was allergic to them, i'd get an allergy shot then go ride. :)and visit this site because this guy is incredible. www.downunderhorsemanship.com Also, if you want i can tell you about The Meathod on Facebook, just visit the Skulduggery Fan site, look for some of my art under the photos and post a comment saying so.(not hard to find because alot of my art has to do with Valkyrie and horses) XD

Ok, I hav like 2 min b4 I have 2 go & it wud take 2 long 2 explain why I haven't been commenting & why I can't stay & why I wont be able 2 talk 2 anyone, so I wont. I just really wanted 2 ask Insanity Moonshine in the little time I had left where she got a mortal coil quote.

Insanity, I probably wont get the chance 2 thank u if u ansure, so I thanks u now. If u don't ansure, I take it back.

SIR MASTER DEREK LANDY~I know this is completely irrelevant, but what kind of tea do you like? I (being half Japanese, half American, with my descendants being Scottish) like Irish breakfast tea the most (recently became obsessed with it).

DEREK LANDY! I'LL B UR FRIEND! UR quite popular in my household, I tell ya... I talk about Skulduggery Pleasant all the time, I draw SP characters and paint them and have started a collection of SP things - BTW: U should get figurines or action figures made - and I have your signature on Books 1, 2, 3 & 4. Where can I get a bunch of Skulduggery Pleasant shirts from? I have two Dark Days bags (1 is my brother's - I... didn't steal it... ;P) + lots of SP pics printed off the computer...

lol. I like hurting people as well... though not physically. What can I say, I have a mouth that would make my great-grandmother (yes, I knew her) roll over in her grave... or something like that--OMG! OTH&FA IS PLAYING!!!byess~Ambiguity

Hooray, the next part. I must say, I quite agree with Laura on the whole anticipation of death is what actually kills you. Poor Val, someday she's prolly gonna go through all this...maybe. I can't wait for the next part so get typing Mr. Landy!! lol Thanks for being made of pure awesome!

Hi me again! Can't wait for the next bit of interview. Well I'm doing this Skulduggery blog, because well I don't have peoples to talk Skulduggery about. I know it's sad, but, I'm a sad person so live with it. It's called, drum roll please... 'Skulduggery Pleasant News and Rants.

BWhahaha...tell that little laura of yours, that you HAVE to put a photo of her up otherwise you will loose all your fans...ACTUALLY, dont tell her anything at all and put a photo of her up anyway! Maybe make it a photo of you AND her, to make her feel a little bit better...if she ever happens to find out, of course. Dont get me wrong, but i think you 'like' Laura ;) She is totally for you. She's heaps of fun, and your no fun at all =P. On my personal view, and also what i shouted out when i met you, is that Johnny Depp should TOTALLY be skulduggery, For a few reasons. 1. attract more girls to the movies, so you make more money from the tickets,2. because he TOTALLY has that sense of humour and 3. His voice is also velvety and deep and you feel so secure and at ease when you hear his voice...if you put that dude from Dr who..i swear to your, my golden god, that i will NOT go to the movie. Okay, good, i got my point across...And i have just noticed that this is my longest 'comment' yet..You beta answer my questions after all this effort, Mr Landy! Love, Dearly, BWHAHHA girl

I agree too! I think Skulduggery Plesant is WAY awesome than boring romancy "I love you Bella", emotional, Vampire, too much feeling stuff and BLAH.So yes, Edward needs to DIE! and Twilight will be gone... FOREVER!

Ask Laura this,

Would you perfer...

a) Twilightb) Harry Potterc) Dereks awesome book series : SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT! :D (I will be so mad if you didn't perfer c).

I DESPISE THE BLOODY TWILIGHT SERIES! Ever since those horribly boring movies came out, there have suddenly been all these vampire books come out on shelves... ??? Wat 4? Who cares? The only vampires that are AWESOME are the ones in Skulduggery Pleasant. DUSK!! Someone made us watch Blue Moon or whatever... the second one I thing... on the last day of term! I ALMOST FELL ASLEEP... And I wasn't even watching it, I was on the computer. (Doing something FUN on the computer... Twilight Series = PURE BOREDOM!) I tried reading the book... got halfway through it and quit coz it was just ridiculous. ! ! I do not recommend Twilight. I RECOMMEND SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT! OBTW: Mr Landy, why can't Australian people enter in the Advert competition on the Skulduggery Pleasant site?And I keep trying to ask U... If I tried-TRIED... don't get your hopes up too high- to do an animated Skulduggery Pleasant movie... basically exactly like the book... using a program called Blender would you let me?Pleez answer me coz UR soooo awesome and everyone agrees with me... M I rite, M I rite?*Nudge nudge* :P

Nah, seriously sir, U R so funny, SP is probably the most humorous book I have ever read. Joke books are so sad. No "waaaaah" sad, just stupid, sad... If U get mah drift... Wat's UR favourite book apart from SP?

Also, Skulduggery is really funny and I love his Smart-Alec comments and wateva.

Derek did you go Japan eat the hanate wakuso shiseo tatashte... blahblahlah... I look forward to the final interview. How about send Laura to India, ok? I went there and ate the roti prata, chicken briyani and Laksa. wait... no laksa. Anyway, in India, I saw black guys with black hair with a red dot on their forehead. It is the mark of immortality, also known as red dot. No just kidding i don't know what it is actually called. But in Singapore(like hot seh... make me chow dah like indian black) there are indians and hindus. I wanted to try hannah but IF my parents find out they would think Derek/Laura ate my brains or something. Basically, Singaporeans speak with stupid accents. In chinese drama, mediacorp combines hokkien with chinese with english with malay. My friends think that sucks. E.g.: Wah sai jing tian de tian qi very tapuleh dahan make wo yao chow dah liao leh. Zai pasar malam wo qu mai Mee Sotong na ge Sotong decompose le. Crazy. Very. Xiao. Still, Derek and Laura, Laura and Derek the interview was great. Thanks lah. :D

how old r u derek? i want to know please :D and what laura says about the actors in films and the way we see them in books is true. ITS SO ANNOYING!!! XD and caelan is sooo much cooler than flecture! just saying lol*praising u oh golden god* !!!!! bye :D

Does seriously no one like horses???? :(Laura, you are Awesome for Loving them. :)Do you train them? If so, do you use your own meathod or Clinton Anderson's Meathod? Or a combination of both???Horse Loving people are the Best People. :D

You should congratuate me, Derek Landy, I am building a whole army of Skulduggery Pleasant addicts down here in Texas. I have been personally responsible for convincing (counts on fingers)8 people to read SP. Then I annoy my one friend about it to the point of her throwing orange peels at me... But 8 is still alot! HAHA!

now my computer is making a clicking noise that i dont think is good... until tomorrow! -Molly

DIE EDWARD CULLAN loooool Derek i agree with laura you are a saddist.....but a funny one i guess...in a way....something like that.....yh....Anyway i need more information about that competition its not really clear about wat we r ment to do....according to me anyway DOWN WITH TWILIGHT JACOB EDWARD AND BELLA !!!!fly on keep writing Aleks!

YEAHHHHH THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU DEREK FOR INCLUDING MY QUESTIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNyou did leave out d. and e. though but thats ok coz laura still answered it :Di was gonna say something then but its gone.....erm....hmm..meh. ill just say something else.ive never broken anything on a horse (yet...:S) but i have fallen off a few times. i did break my foot on a trampoline but thats it so far.i am an awfaully safe child.I READ THE HUNGER GAMES BOOK 2 PART ONE LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!yes.im gonna stop now as i need to:a.play world of warcraftb. tidy my room tomorrow.c. read the hunger games.d. shout at my sistere. OHHHH!i remember what i was gonna say!!STEVEN HAWKING THINKS WE ALL HAVE TO FLEE EARTH AS ITS DOOMED AND IS GONNA DIE IN THE NEXT 100 YEARS! :Omy sister was sooooooo scared and upset.i know its only one theory but its still as scary as hell.it could be like 2012 the movie!!! i never saw the end but i can imagine what happens!what do u guys think of his theory? (im hoping you'll all reassure me hes wrong...PLEASE??!!!)

Again, very nice. Laura and you are such a likeable and amusing setting. You just go so well with each other. Still, even though I can understand that Laura wants to keep her privacy, I'd love to see a photo of her...Is there no way to convince her to allow you to post one...? And she said herself that she looks pretty alike to Mr. Percivals Valkyrie, so where's the problem?

LET US KILL TWILIGHT DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!I hate it. Grrrrr.Derek, I know know know that you get pestered with these questions,and I know that there might never be a movie, but if there ever are auditions, post it on the blog, please.

I love Skulduggery pleasant, he's such an awesome character! he's got such great humor, and Derek, I think you're hysterical. You're awesome.I'd rather not see a picture of Laura, to be honest. Once I see it, I'll keep thinking of it as Valkyrie and I've got no idea how Laura really looks! I'd have much more fun picturing Valkyrie's face in my own mind.

In the name of Derek Landy, BAD MINIONS!!! I can understand that you are eager to express your feelings about the latest book The Mortal Coil, but you obviously have absolutely no consideration, for the people that haven't read it yet. I have only just started reading the series and am on Dark Days, but I'm already hooked on it. I'm mainly posting this comment so you know how grateful I am that you decided to write these books in the first place. But then my BFF Lenka (in my opinion the awesomest person in the world), told me that when I went on here to comment to scroll all the way down, ignoring the comments because all you evil people decided to say what happens out load (figuratively speaking of coarse). Personally, I am annoyed about this. But oh well I guess it's my fault for not reading quick enough, I guess I'm just lucky that I practically blindfolded myself so I wouldn't be tempted. I'd just like to give a special mention to my BFF Lenka, because she got me interested in the books in the first place, and because she has managed to write the most inhumanley long letter I have ever seen! You might want to check out her website: http://lenkasweet.blogspot.com

from Ludi Sen (Lenka's BFF)

P.S. ignore my ranting, don't take it personally, I go on a bit, can't wait to read The Mortal Coil

xx

By the way, I hope your very grateful for this comment, you will not believe how long I've been yelling at the laptop and bugging Lenka to help me out. All I can say things aren't as easy as they seem - ... not for me anyway

Omg Derek :) Its Me. The one who had the Ninja Jesus Top :) Ty for being such a nice guy after signing all those previous books. At waterstones and bluewater. I went to work 2 hours early and travelled from brentwood and was really happy to meet you. And my friend Josh was So happy <3 now back to Halo, Xbox.

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