Hotel bar pickup

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Dan was tall, at least 6’3″, maybe even a bit taller. I’m 5’2″ but would have been 5’5″ that night in heels. Anyway, he was tall and thin but not lanky, with dark hair and an early receeding hairline. It must have been a point of shame for him, because his picture was cropped just so to hide it.

I found Dan through craigslist (more on that below) and let him pick me up from my hotel bar on a work trip. So I didn’t know him at all, but we spent an hour or so over drinks while I calmed my nerves and got comfortable with the idea of fucking a stranger.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was traveling for work and couldn’t get the idea of a random hookup out of my mind. I placed an ad on CL, but before I got any responses, I saw Dan’s ad, which could have been my own. Married, 30s, in town for work, “never done this before.” I sent him a message saying I was visiting too and had a fantasy of being picked up at the hotel bar. We exchanged pictures and flirtatious emails for a few hours, and then I headed to the bar to wait.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I wasn’t sure how to move things from the bar to my room, so I was relieved when Dan told the bartender we were ready to close out the tab. Dan paid, grabbed my hand, and led me to the elevators. We joked about pretending we knew each other when others were in the elevator with us.

In my room, I excused myself to make sure I hadn’t left anything out with my real full name, and Dan remarked that my hotel was much nicer than where his company had him staying. We kissed at the foot of the bed, and I kicked off my shoes.

I asked him if he was interested in taking a shower with me, and he was, so we did. The height difference made shower sex a no go, but I went down on him in the shower. When we were done in the shower, we moved to the bed. He went down on me. Eventually, we had sex in a number of positions, and I was really impressed by his stamina. When we’d both finished, I told him he could stay or go (his choice). He ended up sleeping over, which I was fine with, and he left very early to get back to his hotel before a meeting. When he left, he kissed me goodbye (I was still asleep) and said to let him know what my plans were for that night. I said, “We’ll see.” He laughed and left, and that was that.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Nothing. I felt fine the next day and fine now. Since my marriage is not open, I feel like I should feel guilty, but I don’t.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Not a soul.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Spontaneous nature

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Nothing

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, my views are the same. I’d do it again.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? There was no role for casual sex in my life prior to about six months ago when I decided my sexless marriage wasn’t enough for me anymore. I wish my husband were more open to the idea so I didn’t have to hide it from him, but ultimately, that alone isn’t enough to keep me from pursuing it.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s amazing. Such a relief to have an outlet and to read about other folks’ experiences.