Savannah J, providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.

Month: February 2017

The day I entered nursing school I was determined to give it my best. There were things I had to participate in as a part of class I ordinarily wouldn’t do, but I told myself, just take a deep breath and get through it. After completing the course work, I graduated and found a job.

My first job rotation was in adult nursing although it really wasn’t for me. I knew from the beginning, I wanted to work with children but our instructors felt all new nurses should work with adults. I lasted about six months. During this time, I still kept my music up as best I could, singing at church and doing concerts when asked. It wasn’t what I wanted but it was something.

I remember my mother and others telling me how talented I was. It made me wonder why I wasn’t singing professionally if I were so gifted. Granted, I’d chosen a different path when deciding on a college, but I never stopped trying to make a name for myself.

There was a period in my medical career when nursing seemed more of a chore than something I enjoyed. After the birth of my son, my ambivalence increased; in my mind and heart, I was trapped. I would often watch professional singers on TV with envy; that was supposed to be my life. What had happened to my dream? Was this a desire I was destined to be denied? And then, years later the unthinkable happened.

I was stricken with a virus that left the right side of my body weakened. I could no longer sing with the power I was used to possessing. I remember trying to explain to my family and friends after I recovered, the struggle that ensued when I tried to sing, but to no avail. They felt I was being lazy; that I didn’t want to sing any longer. And so, I felt alone.

As time passed my ability to sing decreased even more, but something unexpected was about to take place. I had enrolled in college to get my degree in nursing and my english professor suggested I take up writing. I remember him telling me I had talent I should pursue a writing career and me thinking he’d lost his mind.

Five years would pass after the statement by my college professor before I put pen to paper. I received much opposition from some family and friends. I almost gave up until a cousin gave me some words of wisdom. I was telling her about comments being made that I was a singer and nothing more. She looked at me and said, “some people are multitalented.”

Since that time, I’ve written and independently published five titles. No, I’m not taking broadway by storm as I dreamed I would, but I’m creating and that’s what matters. I plan on taking voice lessons and acting lessons soon. The way I see it, perhaps my dream wasn’t deferred after all. Perhaps it was just redefined.

My mother use to tell me, a famous painter named Grandma Moses didn’t begin painting until she was in her eighties. I’m saying that to remind you and me, it’s never too late to start or start again. I intend to go after mine and I encourage you to do the same because not all dreams are deferred, some are just transformed.

As always, I hope my thoughts encourage you.

Ciao!

Savannah J. providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.

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“What happens to a dream deferred?” This is opening line to Langston Hughes’ poem by the same title, which inspired Lorraine Hansberry’s play A Raisin In The Sun by . It speaks about the outcome of an unfulfilled dream. The Bible also speaks of unfulfilled dreams.

In Proverbs 13:12 (NIV) it says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. It would seem to me our dreams can have a great impact on us and I can personally attest to that fact.

I received a video today from a good friend. In the video, the young lady was speaking about not stopping our “hustle” once we realize our dreams. She talked about how many people once they achieve their dreams, back off moving forward as if not knowing what to do next. The author created the video because she had taken a job after her dream was fulfilled and at first felt a bit uncomfortable doing so.

As I watched the video, I couldn’t help but think of my own dream. From childhood until my young adult years my desire was to sing professionally. As a teenager, I wanted to take Broadway by storm. I was even accepted into Boston University with the plan to do an internship in New York my junior year. To my determent I chose another school; this would prove to be beginning of the end of my music career.

I attended the alternate college for one year and then transferred to The Peabody Conservatory at Johns Hopkins University but I was ill prepared for the challenge of conservatory. My best effort proved to be too little and so after two years of struggle, I left Peabody.

Once back at home, I knew I needed a job but more so, I began to realize my career as I’d envisioned it wasn’t coming to fruition. I still sang around town and even met with a few people recommended by family. These people were so called music producers and were going to help launch my career. Of course, we all know that was far from the truth.

The people introduced to me by others, took my name and number, gave me a list of songs to perform for auditions and disappeared. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. To make ends meet after leaving college, I worked in retail but that was no permanent career move for me. Following a bit of contemplation, I chose nursing.

For the sake of time, I’ll share the rest of my story in my next post. In the meantime, if you have a dream, I say go after it and go hard. It may seem a far off but I promise you, all the hard work will be worth it.

As always, I hope my thoughts encourage you.

Ciao!

Savannah J. providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.

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“Tincture of time.” Those were the words spoken to me by a co-worker during a dark period in my life. I was struggling to get through a tough season and she wanted to encourage me. It seemed to me back then, time was more an enemy then a friend. I was hurting badly and I wanted the pain to cease.

As I look back, I realize, she was absolutely correct. I’d lost two pregnancies back to back and I didn’t think I’d survive. A couple days ago, I was cleaning out a drawer and I found two positive pregnancy tests I’d saved from that time. I was able to look at them and remember without pain. I was healed.

I desperately wanted more children and was unable to carry either pregnancy to term. I also found the picture of a young lady I wanted to adopt in that drawer. We had tried to adopt when we realized I couldn’t have children but for some reason, adopting didn’t work out either. I wondered where she was and how she was doing. I wondered if a loving family had adopted her.

It’s true, time did heal my wounds although as I said back then, I didn’t know how I would make it. Perhaps you have a pain in your heart that feels as though it will consume you at any moment. I wish for you, Tincture of Time. I wish God’s healing balm on your hurt.

I know time can seem more an enemy than friend and God’s timing can be perceived as incredibly slow. But I pray you too will one day look up and be pain free. And your heart though scared will be mended.

As always, I hope my thoughts encourage you.

Ciao!

Savannah J. providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.

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Wisdom can be found in any medium if we look for it. The movie The Legend of Bagger Vance is chocked full. There is a scene where Bagger gives Junnah a lesson on finding his swing by observing another player in the golf tournament Junnah is playing in. Up until this point in the movie, Junnah is still searching for his “swing” or as is obvious, himself.

Bagger points to the other player and simply says to Junnah, “… He got a lot of shots he could choose from… Duffs and tops and skulls, there’s only ONE shot that’s in perfect harmony with the field… One shot that’s his, authentic shot, and that shot is gonna choose him… There’s a perfect shot out there tryin’ to find each and every one of us… All we got to do is get ourselves out of its way, to let it choose us…”

The words Bagger speaks are so indicative of our search for our authentic selves in life. How many times do we allow ourselves to become someone else to please others. Psalm 139:14 says we are fearfully (uniquely) and wonderfully made. There is no mistake to our personalities.

Freedom comes when we release the world’s definition of who we should be and embrace our genuine selves. We allow that perfect shot to find us and it’s a good fit. It’s easy to become influenced by society’s definition of how to fit in, especially if we’re deemed odd. But I’ve learned it’s better to accept our true selves than live a lie.

As always, I hope my thoughts encourage you.

Ciao!

Savannah J. providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.

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The movie The Legend of Bagger Vance is one of my favorites. It’s full of wisdom that can be applied to anyone’s life. Each time I watch it, I learn something new. My favorite line is “Inside each and every one of us is our one, true authentic swing. Something we was born with. Something that’s ours and ours alone. Something that can’t be learned… something that’s got to be remembered.”

I do believe each of us was born with a gift, a gift uniquely our own. I liken Bagger’s comment to speaking about that gift. There are many talents and many people have the same talent. But only we have our unique gift and it’s up to us to find and use it. The question becomes, and how do we find it.

I have a theory that children show us what they were created to be. I can remember my nephew always climbing and jumping and tumbling as a little boy. Today he is a gifted athlete. Some children like to draw, some like me enjoy reading. If we pay attention to our children, instead of directing them to what we feel is the best course for their lives, we would see their natural gifts.

As adults we often struggle with the questions “What is my purpose? And how do I find it?” Well, I can only share how I found mine. I discovered my purpose or my gift by spending alone time in quiet reflection. I paid attention to not only what made me happiest but what left me most gratified. I found it was in giving or the ministry of helps as I call it, I felt fulfilled.

In my humble opinion, that’s the one true authentic swing Bagger spoke of. It can’t be learned, only remembered because it’s a gift. I encourage you to spend time alone with yourself and find your gift if you haven’t already done so. There is nothing more satisfying than doing the one thing you were born to do.

As always, I hope my thoughts encourage you.

Ciao!

Savannah J. providing a place of tranquility away from the stress of life.