Monday, August 13, 2007

internalized homophobia

Last Monday, after I returned to Toronto from a long weekend at my parents' house, I flopped on the couch and watched some television. One of Ontario Travel's new ads came on -- a 60-second spot featuring Keshia Chanté.

Around 42 seconds into the spot, there is a fairly quick 3-shot sequence of some men meeting for gay pride celebrations.

That's when I blurted out "oh NO!" to no one in particular.

My blink reaction was negative. One of dismay and shame. Basically, homophobic.

Was it my inner bitch speaking? ("Why did they have to portray young gay men?") Or was it a remnant of my weekend back in the closet, away from the city and the insular nature of my gay neighbourhood? Was it my mind processing the fact that my relationship with my parents is probably at its dysfunctional apex?

I was reminded of an anonymous comment on a post from last year about a gay guy I saw on the streetcar. The person who wrote "only emphasizes your own homophobia" really made me think. And now this. Do I have internalized homophobia, bubbling to the surface every now and then? Or am I just too easily annoyed by 20-something gay men in fauxhawks?

I do not think that you internalize it. Society in general I think it tired of hearing about the gay community but then I am sure the gay community is tured of hearing about things that make them sound as if they are all some kind of aliens and need to go away. Instead we should be united, but like a woman president or racism ending that won't happen for many eons to come. Just chalk it up to frustration. If you start having nightmares then I would staart to worry...

And here I thought I overthink things :)I like the wakeboarding part of the ad - I finally tried it this yr cause my nephew dared me and my daughter got up. Few trys but I did it! (small victories for the aged)