Am I Dating My Phone???

I’m going to be really honest: dating right now, as a single, young adult, in the era of dating apps, Instagram stories, egg freezing and ghosting…it royally sucks.

Call me old fashioned, call me out of touch, but the hookup culture is the worst.

Nevermind the fact that I’m a Christian — and a virgin — the whole thing is a nightmare.

And so this Valentine’s Day, since I will be celebrating with my other fed-up, single and beautiful twenty-something gal pals, I thought I’d highlight a few quick grievances about the infuriating games that are played by those in the dating field.

Because a wise friend once told me: NOTHING REAL STARTS WITH A GAME.

Amen.

First: The Texting Game

Somewhere between the death of AOL Instant Messenger and the rise and fall of Snapchat, dating singles have decided that when corresponding with a potential love interest, one must never respond to a text promptly. As in: a guy texts you at 6:00pm, you have to wait until at least 7:05pm to respond, so as not to look desperate, clingy, or too available. And then, depending on how quickly he responds, you divide that amount of time in half to determine when you can reply to his next incoming message.

Yeah – if that sounds insane…that’s because…IT IS.

And it is exhausting.

Second: The “Who Can Care Less” Game

This game is particularly hurtful, because you’re reinforcing a barrier between you and the other person. At least for me – and I think I can speak for a fair number of women – we don’t ever want to come off as “clingy.” I mean – hello: Watch How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and you’ll see Kate Hudson’s character “switch” to a stereotypical “nightmare girlfriend” that is needy, irrational, and clingy, complete with a love fern. A stereotype that is sure to “Lose a Guy” and a stereotype that I try to avoid like the plague.

And guys, on the other hand – they’re afraid of putting their heart on the line and getting hurt.

So we both play this game of “who cares the least.”

Oh you want to cancel last minute? Sure, no biggie. Just date casually and not prioritize our relationship? Oh, I don’t care.

I call BS on all of it. That chicken *crap* behavior becomes some sort of sick competition and it just delays actually getting to know one another and moving the relationship forward.

Third: The Instagram Story Game

Ugh – this one is most annoying. And one that I am recently super guilty of. And this consists of posting an Instagram Story (a public, disappearing photo or video that is only visible for 24 hours) that documents that a) you were out on the town. b) Having fun. c) Looking cute. And d) Certainlynot caring that he didn’t call, and/or that you’re having a fabulous life without him.

It’s basically to say, Look, I’m not on my couch eating takeout by myself, and in fact, I’m super fun and datable.

And this is also incredibly exhausting. My friends and I were laughing last Saturday, because instead of engaging with each other, having fun – we were all figuring out what and how to post our evening on Instagram Story.

ENOUGH!

Lastly, The Ghosting Game.

Ghosting: the art of simply vanishing from a text conversation, or a budding relationship, without notice, warning, or saying goodbye, and never to be heard from again.

This despicable and rude practice has been made possible because dating apps and the switch to “text-only” communication — it has completely erased any trace of accountability.

You can cancel plans, you can wait to see if there’s a better offer, you can avoid – or ignore – or be super flakey or last minute, all thanks to the impersonal nature of the way we correspond now a days.

And frankly it sucks.

All this to say: the current dating scene is not a hopeless situation. I truly believe that, and that’s coming from a virgin who’s had to turn down more lame, “Let’s get out of here” lines than I can count.

Yeah, there are a lot of frogs out there. But there are also a lot of good ones, too. And I, for one, haven’t given up on finding my prince.

If you take one thing away from this piece: it’s to leave the games behind, and operate from place of respect. Or put simply: treat the other person the way you would want to be treated.

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This is beautifully spoken and I love the fact that it comes from someone of your age. This is not to say anything bad about your age, I promise. I applaude you for being the age you are and so in touch with reality. I only mean that you have grown up with this type of engagement being the norm and it is refreshing to see someone who is from the text generation to call for it to stop. Thank you for sharing.

I know you’re probably younger than my youngest child and I’m only slightly younger than Moses, but I feel sorry for you and the world you’re living in. I’ve thought that if something, Heaven forbid, should happen to my wife, would I ever date, and the answer is no. Of course, I’m approaching 65, I have children and grandchildren, so things are different for me, but it just seems the age of getting to know a person the way my wife and I did back in the day, has become so foreign. I don’t know how God could permit His people to suffer such a fate. I can only pray He will send you a Godly man who will be a good husband to you and a good father to your children. But I’m only a man. May God grant you His grace and kindness.

Wonderful article, 100% agree. Although, I would not give up, there are some wonderful people looking for their second half as well, using date apps, web site and other tools. Lots my friends got married and are very very happy! I wish you Good Luck! 🙏🏻✨

I have to say the last sentence sums it up. I’m going to 48 in April. For the me “the game” has sucked even before phones. If people would be honest, but polite it would be less painful for all involved. Men should treat women with respect, but women should realize that men have feelings as well. We’re all human beings at the end of the day, That’s what is lost. Especially as get older, it becomes too much like a business deal. Everyone is too worried about what the other brings to the table instead of the quality of the person. Don’t even get me started on the physical. While it shouldn’t be a complete mis-match, guys can’t all have six pack bas and women can’t all look like Barbie dolls.

Happy Valentines Day to one of the sweetest ladies! Someday your prince will come, you can tell I’m a Disney fan, and for my hubby and I together forever, 5 kids and all we just don;t​ think this day is such a big deal

Not only did I “give up” on finding the illusive Prince, but I trained myself to not care anymore. There’s this saying I read somewhere “losing all hope was freedom” I can’t begin to express how true it is. I get that it’s not for everyone, but if you’re able to delete the need to find someone all together, life can become quite magical and weightless.

You are doing it all the right and honorable way and you will be rewarded. I pray my daughter (14 now) as she matures has the same dignity, purity and love that you display. You are as role model for so many, don’t ever doubt it. God bless you!

I completely agree, and I hate the games. The last guy I liked (and I don’t like him anymore) made me feel as if I was being clingy simply because I wanted to hear from him once every two days or so. He said, “It’s not my fault that you’re always available on facebook,” which made me feel ashamed of always being on facebook. (I’m a novelist, so I usually keep my FB tab open while I’m writing.) So I told him that he hurt my feelings, and he said, “I was just making an innocuous observation about your internet habits.” Yeah.

I like to hope that our Mr. Rights will appreciate us for exactly who we are, and not for some ridiculous ideal of perfection, aka unavailability. Great post!

I’m not single, though I certainly worry about the future for my now 12 year old daughter (not yet but before I know it! 🙂 ) but I particularly don’t understand ghosting. I’ve heard about people doing it in many settings, including professional. How difficult is it to be nice, if not simply polite?

This happens to be one of the main reasons im still single. It’s like if you met someone online it’s constant phone tag and usually it’s to the point where either they’ll stop talking or don’t talk or ask you to use a different site. That or they ask for your phone number and I’m thinking they’re a scammer.

I’m really lousy in person, practically to the point where I don’t bother trying. Then I got people at work trying to set me up with someone like I’m going to date someone I work with let alone most likely they live 30 something miles from where I work because it’s a pretty good job worth commuting that far, into the city
I live in the suburbs because it’s way cheaper and less traffic so its easier to just drive out there.

I don’t make friends so easily so relationships are a nada. I am a likeable person but I’m pretty socially awkward and being an introvert just makes it more difficult. And surprisingly I’m ok with that. One day things may change so good luck in your search.

“Searching” for someone you can love, is not significantly different from searching for the Holy Grail… both are frustrating and pointless.

I only “found” the loves in my life after I intentionally stopped “searching” for them and instead focused on being present and celebrating who I was on a daily basis.
Until such happened, my journey was littered with the debris of trial & errors which; albeit informative, were equally demoralizing and counterproductive.

But once I let go of the insane desire to “control” outcomes; in God’s perfect time, He made the people that were to become my life partners cross my path, gave me the discernment to reach out to them and allowed His magic to flow and root the relationships.

He gives abundantly to those who are ready and He takes away for His own good reasons…

Such is my eventual conclusion since my life partner unexpectedly died some time ago and He left me still here taking space.
Thus, I am once again caught in the “pull & tug” between celebrating myself within this situation and the desire to have someone I can talk, love, kiss and hold hands with.

It is a daily struggle to “let go and let God”…

But I know that He is a God of Relationships and Love… that He did not create us to be isolated islands in a stormy sea.

Happy Valentine’s Day my beautiful friend 😍 xx. “dating”/”going out with” someone seems a lot less simple to me nowadays, I don’t want to go on meaningless dates I just want to find the one, someone who I know I’ll spend a great deal of time with. Anything else just seems pointless. Being 30 and single actually sucks even if I pretend otherwise.

I’m shaking my head, bewildered at what young people have to go through these days. We live in a consulted society.

For example, I felt good the first time I heard say at a hotel say, “it’s my pleasure” in response to my thanks for some service. Then I noticed hearing it from everybody else there. Soon, it became the universal, stock, meaningless line due to overuse and insincerity. Why do they all say it?

Consultants.

Your apps are your consultants. They tell you what the games are and how to play, and the young blindly follow, because no one else is talking. No one is thinking for himself or herself. Perhaps it’s because no one has taken the time to know themselves.

Shakespeare isn’t scripture, but his wisdom is virtually biblical. He says through Hamlet’s Polonius, “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Be true, be honest to oneself. There’s the center of it. Do that and all other actions flow from honesty. All other actions are honest. Following the app crowd could be no further from the truth.

Be standout, my friend. Leave it behind and just be you. I think you perhaps write better than you live sometimes…just as I know I do! I want to encourage you to leave it all behind. Be a split personality; in every situation, ask yourself what your alter ego, BBB, would do. What advice would she give you? Be your own “Dear Abby.”

BBB wrote a pretty good article tonight, Caralyn. Read it. I know you wrote it, but did you READ it? Will you follow BBB’s advice? Be your own consultant the next time you whip out your phone. Don’t open an app; read one of the top ED bloggers in the world. She does pretty well.

Stand apart. You’ll be noticed just for being different instead of being lost as a mere dot in the crowd.

oh my gosh Jeff, this was so enlightening. thank you so much for this awesome perspective and eye opening response. shucks, thanks for saying that. you’re right though – stand apart. to thine own self be true. And that’s so true – I’ve got to let my BBB-ness come through in my day to day. Hope you and Julie are having a lovely Valentines Day! big hugs to you both! xox

Hi, Sis!! 🙂 You know what? You’ve made great points in your article here: About the whole dating game nowadays… period. Lol. I agree with you that there are some awesome men out here, but it does suck to come across those that we deem “unqualified” in our books. Besides having to deal with a few guys giving off a few fake profile on an app, but just trying to talk to a gentleman in our neighborhood has felt like ‘trying to find a needle in a haystack’ for me, girl. So, at least my phone has some nice emoticons, play some nice music, and play an enjoyable video that I really would love to watch. 🙂 It’s just that being in a relationship nowadays just doesn’t feel “necessary” based on our experiences. I enjoy being single… and I enjoy being me! 🙂 Happy Valentine’s Day too.

Loved your post, Caralyn! Games are too frustrating to give place too.
So glad God doesn’t play games with us, and gives Himself as a prefect example of what to wait for in His being our first love. He can be trusted.
Happy Valentines Day! Me and God love you! <3

Hi Caralyn…. Awesome Post!! I somehow feel it just does not happen in dating experiences it also happens with friends too… I have had & still go through the same list of experiences with acquaintances…. sooo tiring… u have put it soo well in words… I just cannot agree more… <3

Caralyn, your openness and honesty are refreshing. Computer apps don’t evoke honesty. The best is to talk it over with God and listen to his response. Wait on him and follow his directions. He wants your best and will direct your steps as you listen. Love and hugs!

I know someone that would be a fabulous beau for you. He wants marriage but not kids tho. He’s available , in his twenties, in the US (European and US bred) and a lovely person. Works in the non profit sector:

I do feel for your (my children’s) generation, it’s a nightmare trying to find honesty and truth, and even old fashioned good manners, in today’s morass of social media. But I’m not going to bang on about how much better it was in the ‘olden days’ because I think it’s in human nature to play these love games. You’ll find all sorts of shenanigans in Shakespeare’s comedies and they didn’t even have phones then, far less mobiles! I well remember in the 1970’s waiting for hours – days – by the phone because you had to wait for him to phone you, couldn’t just pick up the phone and call him. AND we had to wait in! No such thing as a mobile that you could just take with you everywhere. Plus ca change!

Awesome post Caralyn. I couldn’t agree more. Dating alone is a daunting experience and now even more so.
I would say that you’ve had a far better dating life than me and its easy to see why.. You’re Gorgeous.

A few years ago, someone posted a picture on social media, “Describe your love life in a movie title.” My brother wrote, “Gone with the Wind.” I wrote, “40 year old virgin.” A play on a seemingly ever increasing possibility.

X number of years on Tinder and no a single match. Bumble the same. Meeting someone in a bar or social setting hasn’t worked out and I grow increasingly aware that my ethnic background / skin color is a severe handicap.
I keep thinking that the only girl who would be interested in me is a whale with a face of boiled horse and the personality of a pineapple. Haven’t met her yet either.

It’s the truth Caralyn… You’re Gorgeous. It’s a fact you’re just gonna have to live with.. LOL.

Recently was listening a female colleague who told me that she had just gotten out of a bad relationship. I don’t know why she felt the need to tell me that since we had only met for the first time a few seconds earlier.

We got to talking and asked whether I was seeing someone. I said no and then I said something pretty interesting. “Girls don’t like nice guys.”
And she replied.. “Yup.. We girls do like the bad boys.”

Makes me wonder why.. Why is it that girls never give the nice guy a chance? Whenever someone is sweet, caring, etc., girls always puts him in the “friend zone” and forgets about him.

Maybe Caralyn, if you think about it, probably you have already met your prince and like so often the case, you’ve “Friend Zoned” him. #JustSaying

You’re so smart!!! Happy Valentine’s Day! He’s out there and it’s going to be FANTABULOUS when the time is right for Y’all to meet. I am so happy I’m not dating anymore. I’ve a wonderful guy! All my single/wanting to date friends are going through everything You talk about. It’s completely ridiculous! Cheers and Rock on!!! 🙂

Being single (I know, I know, I wasn’t single “that” long…but boy did it ever feel like a million years!) is so hard. Waiting on God’s timing is so hard. And as someone else stated already, the minute “I” stopped looking, my husband walked onto the scene. (He was/is a friend of my cousin) Keep doing your best to be mindful of God’s will and focus on being authentically you. I admit that I wasn’t doing either of those things, but in retrospect, wish I had spent more time becoming the person God wants me to be. Of course, it’s NEVER too late and is something I am working on (aren’t we all? 🙂 ) God has a plan for your life. Your plan is different from my plan and different from everyone you pass on the street. He will fulfill everything He wants for your life. Keep your chin up, keep praying, and know that God wants only the best for you. Your prince is out there and will come when it is time. Until then, keep pouring your heart out, we are all listening. God Bless!

There was a dating expert on The News Hour of all shows last night. He said this may actually be the best dating field that has ever existed. His premise was an individual who knows how to interact on the human “platform” (as opposed to social media) will stand out like a prince or princess. 🙂 God bless you for living by His standard, Caralyn!

Ugh… Falling somewhere between Gen X and Millenials, I think I gravitate more toward an old fashioned mindset when it comes to dating. I’ve never been comfortable with dating apps. I’m not sure I’ve ever even gotten on board with online dating. But I have embraced texting because it allows me to be fully introverted and talk on the phone without actually having to talk on the phone. But I, too, hate the texting game that accompanies potential relationships. The only reason I don’t respond to texts nearly immediately is if I’m genuinely busy and can’t take the time to type out a well thought out reply or if I just got a message from someone I don’t want to talk to. If I get a text from a woman that I’m excited to hear from, she’s gonna know I’m excited to hear from her. Which, apparently, is a turn off… I guess. Oh well, here’s to being single well into my 40s!

I love this post! It’s so true
And can be applied to all
relationships. And, the take away is perfect. Respect☀️ Most people wouldn’t treat so poorly if it wasn’t for the social media platforms making it a lot easier. Thanks for putting your thoughts out😊

Yet another awesome piece Caralyn.
I only wish i had seen this before yesterday had run out (in my time zone that is), i would have loved to reblog this or even copy a concept or two.
Old fashioned or not, i appreciate the fact that the world of women still has rare realistic personalities like yourself.
Again, i 100% agree with you.

Your position on dating is spot-on! Your blog is sweeter than chocolate! Thank you for being brave enough to tell the truth. We also love the fact that you’re 20something and single and a virgin and openly post it. We are a husband-and-wife team and we read and share your posts together! We were both virgins when we were married as well

I have tried the same thing with zero success, and I have spend all of my Valentine’s Days alone. Actual factual truth is that the best relationships are the ones where people meetup with the people they see regularly. Thank you again for another great post.

This is so true! It’s crazy out there for those looking for a committed relationship and marriage. To be honest, I only tried one dating site – Catholic Match. There are some quality men interested in having a holy marriage and children. Like anything else, you have to figure out who’s genuine and who’s not. Just wanted to pass this info along… May the Lord bless you and send you the right man in His time!

You deserve WAY better than anyone who indulges on that crap.
It occurred to me recently that I’m eligible to date, I’ve been divorced for a year now. But I don’t know where to start. I do know where not to start, and that is dating apps

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you! I met my husband on a dating site almost 8 years ago (before it was as big of a thing as it is now) and I promise the good ones exist! He’s truly the man of my dreams. I’m wishing you find the same, you deserve it 🖤

I love your post. I love how you stand for Christ and encourage others. It’s been a while since I’ve raised kids or dated. I’ve been married 43 years. My oldest grand daughter is 15 though, and I shudder to think of the climate for dating right now. You know, just because we finish part of the race doesn’t mean we should check out of it. I try to keep current so I know how to pray for and encourage my grandchildren. I’m thankful they are all in good churches. That’s a help.

Hang in there! By the time I met my husband, I had gotten so tired of e-mail and text (and 10 years ago, phone) convos before the first date from guys on CatholicMatch where we met. So I basically told every guy who messaged me I was not interested in talking, only actually meeting for dates. I set up dates with about 5 guys that way… the first and best turning out to be the one I married!

Yeah I feel it. It’s hard enough finding someone, but being a christian comes with such high standards making it even tougher. It’s all about trying to find someone you can grow with in Christ and being in relationship with someone who helps you be better, and we live in a time where it’s very difficult to find. Never Settle!!

Okay, I finally found where you can turn-off the like-button in WP. There is the “My Sites” column on the left. You scroll all the way down to where it says, “Sharing”. On top of the right hand area there are two choices: “Connections” and “Sharing Buttons”. You choose “Sharing Buttons”. You go down that menu and there is a box that shows, “Reblog & Like”. When you un-check the “Show Like Button” that gets rid of it.

There ya go! 🙂

Feel free to share this information. I think it will be very, very liberating! <3

Caralyn, as always, I find your writing spirited, evocating both thought and feeling in this reader, and spot-on in regard to the clarity and earnestness of your analysis of our human behavior. Thanks…

Wow! So many comments to scroll past to get to you! It is wonderful that you are preparing so well for a truly wonderful marriage. My hope for you is that whoever you find, finds you so adorable that he wants children who look like you, and that you find your groom so adorable that you want children who look like him. God will provide the unique and perfect souls for your children as a special gift, and thewill be priceless. May God guide, protect and bless you always. 🌷

If all else fails, try old Chinese custom. Do away with technology. We are all living spirits. Allow the spirits to guide you. We need to emphasize more on our intution that connects us all, rather than putting too much faith on technology.

So, the old Chinese tradition says throw a mandarin orange into the river on 15th day of the Chinese new year. I believe this year is on the 19th Feb. ’19. This is only for singles looking for partners. You can use technology to find more about this fun event. Perhaps, you have a Chinese community nearby. Ask around if they are organising “Chap Goh Mei” festival (ie. 15th day in Hokkien dialect). If anything, it’s an experience. By the way, make sure that you choose a good looking mandarin orange before throwing into the river. All the best.

Modern communication, dating or otherwise, has become a crazy making experience. Either because of the games, specifically with dating; or the odd return to a nearly hieroglyphic vocabulary with the dang emojis. At least once a week I have to decide to ignore that I don’t know what – if anything – someone’s choice of emoji means. Oy. 🙄
My emoji choice is obvious, right?

Unfortunately most of these issues have been around even before the advent of mobile phones and texting. There was ghosting for example, we just didn’t have a term for it. In my day we talked about something called THE RULES.On the whole dating was just trial and error, much as it is now. I am watching the next generation go through all this at close proximity. Having one of each, I have been forced to look at some of my own dating practices more closely. I have witnessed the agonising waits for replies to texts. I admired my daughter who dealt with the issue of ghosting head on, got her answer, downed a couple of tubs of ice cream and moved on. From now on this will be my philosophy regarding issues with romance.
A couple of tubs of ice cream and then move on.

Please allow me if you would to join the conversation regarding this topic. It may be hard for you to believe my friend, time to investigate in this very thing last week and this week. Pearson Here’s some thoughts the people that created Tinder Bumble and whatever else might have had good intentions in the beginning but the people using Bumble and Tinder our piece of garbage and here’s why because most girls post there body images more than their face that’s causing lust. Is a Christian we stay away from lust.

So why would I investigate in this app world of dating culture? The reason is because my roommate is a male whore. I don’t get along with them very much and I really don’t like that you the choice of company he has I taste for the bring home every week I think it’s degrading to the human body and disrespectful to God in fact sex is a beautiful thing when it’s condone between a man and woman who are married in the united together. Understand that I said sex is a beautiful thing between a man and a woman who are married and United together. that is the only reason I man and woman should be United together and that’s the only reason they should become intimate together because their man and wife. Anybody else who practices is premarital sex is an idiot because when you do that you spit in the eyes of God. Now I can’t breathe the human race entirely I mean the enemy has created lust around every corner. I mean look at the culture we having pornography addictions. That is not the way a man should look at a woman. In the words of Tomi lahren my final thoughts are bumble Tinder and whatever else dating apps out there are dumb I’m stupid most are narcissistic. And any good Christian boy is no need for such garbage and trash because the human body should not be exploited to entice someone of the opposite sex if you’re Christian you’re going to dress right you’re going to act right and you’re going to walk the narrow road. Does it get hard to walk the narrow road? Absolutely but when Jesus walked the narrow road all the way up golgotha’s Hill he never stopped despite being spit upon whipped crowned with thorns so therefore as Christians should we give our lives for Christ no matter the cost to win the lost. My ideal perspective is you despise the sin but show kindness and love to The sinner. That’s why I like commenting on your posts even though I’m not Catholic you’re a very level-headed person and I’m happy to have you as a friend. Thank you for such a wonderful insight you have a wonderful day and you won’t see me on Bumble or Tinder but don’t worry I don’t need anything like that as the old gospel hymns dates I’d rather have Jesus than silver and gold I’d rather have Jesus than riches untold

You made a couple of right on points. Girls are fearful of coming on strong, boys are afraid of being rejected and their feelings hurt. However while that has been the case for a long time having freedom to get out there and choose for yourself who to hook up with is better than the male dominated systems throughout history that chose a suitable person to advance their career and family survival rather than a person to love. All this stuff being promoted through the media today in connection with boy meets girl is raising expectations that are least often fulfilled making us an even more dysfunctional society. Marriage has its ups and downs but if you go into it with a willingness to promote each other’s happiness and fulfillment it can be a mutually satisfying experience. Your parents have such a marriage. I’m old enough to have known Moses too. Fifty-four years of marriage make us survivors who can look back on many happy shared mutual experiences though we are very different. Whoever you eventually choose will have different personality traits and aims in life too. Encourage those and insist on equal treatment in return and it will work out just fine. 🙂 I wonder whether NY with it’s show biz appeal is a good place to find such a partner?

I just want to say DON’T GIVE UP. GOD WILL PROVIDE YOUR PRINCE. Continue being yourself and resonating God’s love around you. I know it’s hard. I’ve been there many times, but I’m not anymore. My prayer and blessing for you is:
May you follow and listen God’s guidance everyday. May you be blessed beyond measures and every step you take may it be in Him. And may the Lord provide the prince for you.

P.S. perhaps your your prince is searching for you. Give him some more time 🙂 He just doesn’t know the your exact location
😀

A great post! Now I know what “ghosting” is! I watch these games being played out with my sons involved and I cringe. Nose to that phone screen, madly texting and then worrying that no instant reply came. Or worrying about how soon THEY should respond. I want to rip my hair out! I always have the same question: “Who is bringing what to the table?” Because without that, just go home. You can’t be all supply or all demand.

I’m in a happy healthy relationship now and engaged, so I don’t have to worry about this but I do understand. I was single for almost 2 years. However I learned from other people’s experiences that dating apps were awful. It was better to just do it the old fashion way and just get out there! Not like at a bar but like the bookstore or apple store or library or church. I met Jim on New Year’s Eve at my friends house. Neither one of us were looking. The right guy will find you beauty! Grown men that are into you do not play games! Only boys do that! Always remember that.

Oh that is so wonderful, Lane! I’m so happy for you that you’ve found love!!! yeah, i’m with you one that one: the old fashioned way the the way I want to go. And thanks for sharing your love story! It sounds like you and Jim are a great match! hugs xox

I recently experienced the end of a 3.5 year relationship. The last three months of which were her being busy with sick family, and me trying to be every imaginable shade of supportive I could be. Care packages, good morning and good night texts, not demanding any of her time. After New Years, I was effectively ghosted. I was in love with this woman, and according to her, she was in love with me–at some point she also wanted us to get married.

Her reason for leaving was “I am broken”. And that was it. Being broken didn’t stop her from getting together with her other friends, or making vacation plans with other people. No, it just gave her a good excuse to cut me out of her life.

I wonder when she will start dating other people. She prides herself on being a good Christian (though I wonder how good that do-unto-others is considering how she treated me), and so when she enters the dating pool, I wonder how long it will take for the charm to wear off. As for dating, I am done. I am 43 years old. I’m in good health, I have an amazing 8 year old son at home (who loved the heck out of her too), and I have a lot to offer.

I have a lot of female friends, and I see how they just scramble, sleep around, and then wonder why their guys never call them back. I don’t have a lot of hope for finding relationship after this, and that makes me sad. Sorry to share so much, but I have worn out my welcome with my friends when I talk about this. Maybe I just needed to put this out there with a thin veil of anonymity, because I am in pain, and this BS of dating these days would be like putting gasoline on a fire. I don’t want it, and I don’t care for it.

I have all but given up hope on this whole “dating” thing. I was just in a relationship that I thought was going to be it for me. “The One”, my “Happily Ever After” or whatever you want to call it. Turns out, I was wrong. It was a nightmare in a very poorly written soap opera. I have decided that the next relationship I get in is going to have to fall in my lap. I am not actively seeking or searching it out. I am going to keep doing me and becoming a better father and person. When I get everything in order, if it happens it happens. I have been a part of almost every one of these scenarios you mentioned. Glad to know I am not the only person that sees this. Much Love, XOXO
-Paul2daB

Yes, dating games are so stupid! It can lead both to misunderstandings! It doesn’t usually work. The best thing to do is to be open of your feelings. If that other one is not interested atleast you will know it and you don’t need to waste your precious time to her/him anymore!

Hi thank you so much for liking my posts and being a regular visitor to my site. 🙂
YOU ARE SPECIAL AND BOLD. CONTINUE TO HELP PEOPLE.
Just as i would give advice to my daughters, don’t rush into making any decision about finding your better half. Find one who is Godly, not just when he is with you in public, but when he is with you, and not with you in private.

There is alot i could say but it would just be saying what you have said. The mad thing is imagine everyone thought the same way?

Thats the one that gets me.

Have we all become addicted to something that we all know deep down is bad for us but many dont have the confidence to come out and say it like yourself?

I do think its got to the point that you need to pick where you decide to spend your time. Going to see bands and comedy acts for example where you at least have something in common with the people attending.

As you have said there are plenty of cool people out there, its finding them. Your definitely not going to find your prince on Tinder…lol

I couldn’t agree more! Tinder, Instagram, and the like are not the “right” place to look for love and “the one”. My mother used to tell me that one of the ways to attract the man you’d like to be with for the rest of your life is to surrender it to God and make yourself the best version that He wants you to be.

Sometimes, when you wait and no one comes, it seems that He is not listening at all. Little did we know, He is still authoring the best love story for you and your future lover/partner. I had to wait for five years for the love of my life. I’m glad I did. Because in waiting, God prepared me to become the best partner I could possibly be.

Thank you so much Tina for your kind words. And wow – that’s such great advice! Your mom was really onto something: surrendering and being the best version of yourself. love that so much. thank you for sharing your story!!! hugs xo

Five years ago, I met my boyfriend through an online dating website and after exchanging 2-3 messages back and forth, he gave me his phone number and said he’d prefer to talk on the phone. At the time it was jarring, but he later explained that he viewed OkCupid as a tool…a place were people who are looking for love congregate. But, it’s so much easier to have meaningful conversations if you step out of that congested space and talk one-on-one, it’s so much more meaningful (and I’d argue easier). I’ve (thankfully!) never been on Tinder or any dating app, but that advice I would give to people are, is to use them as tools to meet people…and then get old-fashioned and talk on the phone or meet in person. Secondly, life is short, so don’t waste time on people who play games and can’t bother to respond promptly. Hold out for the person who enjoys your company so, so much that they can’t help but respond the second their phone pings. I know they’re few any far between, but there are good men out there, and your Prince Charming is out there becoming a better man as he looks for you. <3

Thank you! Thank you! I understand exactly where you are coming from with this and I agree that dating apps have changed the way we should socialize. I think that if dating apps never happened we would be much better off in any relationship.
There are so many single people who are brought down by these things because it makes them feel desperate and thinking there is no hope. We really need to change things around. Single people can make a difference and they don’t need someone in their lives as they grow closer to God.
Thank you for such an inspiring message!

Wow this was a great read! Props to you for putting yourself out there and trying to cut through the game players to find your prince. I’ve been in a relationship for awhile now, but I can definitely say that some of these standards apply to friendships too. Once you’re out of college and trying to make new friends, people still experience cliques, FOMO and the issue of seeming too eager. It’s ridiculous and we all should just be honest.

On a lighter note: thanks for liking my latest book review “Language Saves Lives” about the Turkish novel “Last Train to Istanbul”. I’d appreciate hearing tips from an experienced blogger about my blog! Yours is miles above mine and you’re clearly making money, while mine is just a casual outlet for my reading & writing hobby.

I’m so glad I’m older than dirt, married now, and never had to experience meeting guys in the internet age. Way back when I was young and beautiful like you are now, they had to actually catch us at home to reach us. There were no cell phones hanging out in our purse waiting to ring. There was a wall mounted phone in the kitchen with a very long cord that you could drag all over the house and drive your parents nuts with. Young men found it a lot more challenging then. Sometimes less is more. Tell them you are taking a sabbatical from technology, going ‘off the grid’, so to speak. When they realize it won’t be that easy to reach you it might motivate them a little.

I don’t know how you can remember all the rules for texting, and like you say it’s exhausting. Why can’t you just be honest, if you like each other, text, call, go out again…why does it have to be that you don’t want to seem too clingy? I’m probably old enough to be your grandmother, but I believe that the best way to meet someone is through introduction or go do the things that you like to do and when you least expect you’ll meet someone who has the same interests as you. Here’s hoping that you don’t date your phone for too long. <3

Exactky this what I had reached to. NOTHING REAL STARTS WITH A GAME. And you know what, those who are good at these games never stops at one girl. The thrill of the chase is addictive and usually not found in true relationship.

Great piece. I feel for you. It’s selfish for me to say it, but I’m SO GLAD to be at a place in my life that I’m not looking and I’m not interested in dating. It is very liberating. Lonely? I’ve had to learn how to lean on Jesus to fill my emotional needs. Not a cliche but I REALLY DO. I wish you the best in your dating venture. I sincerely hope you find your prince. God bless.