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Crabs are pubic crustaceans that infest the junk in one's proverbial "trunk". Crabs have other colloquial monikers, such as "crotch crickets", "muff berries", and "a free souvenir from Tijuana". When retained, crabs are generally considered to be "unfavorable."

Self-diagnostic guide: "Do you note an abundance of small arthropods in crucifix-like repose, nestled within the pubic sanctuary, heads buried as if in prayer? If so, you have joined Heaven and Hell together."