Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother hits screens again this weekend for your voyeuristic pleasure. But who cares about the actual lineup - these are the characters we want to see locked up in the CBB house.

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Azealia Banks

Azealia Banks
Even if adrenalized bitch-pop isn't your thing, you've got admit that Banks' talent for starting (and ending) Twitter feuds and being excessively saucy make her the ideal candidate for a fiery stint in the house.

Picture: IDS

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Velociraptor

A velociraptor
We've seen very little from the Velociraptor since its starring role in 1993's Jurassic Park. So we want to force the late Cretaceous theropod out of hibernation and into the Big Brother house, preferably with it unleashing its unique brand of viciousness in a late-night diary room rant.

Picture: IDS

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Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson
Bile-fuelled hatred is scarcely in short supply when it comes to Big Brother, but Clarkson's acerbic wit ruffles feathers like few others and, for that, we're sending him in.

Picture: IDS

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Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber
He's announced his retirement from music, so Biebs is going to have a lot of time on his hands. As far as retirement homes go, the Big Brother house is a pretty sweet deal; it contains all the essentials any retiree needs, even one as high maintenance as Bieber, including a hot tub and 24-hour security.

Picture: IDS

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Sir Alex Ferguson

Sir Alex Ferguson
Being berated by the Scottish hairdryer is sure to whip our celebrity inmates into line. Probably best to hide any rogue football boots lying around, mind.

Picture: IDS

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The demon from Paranormal Activity

The demon from Paranormal Activity
The threat of a former boy band member bursting into song makes CBB unsettling at the best of times, but imagine how tense things would become if something from the undead was added into the mix. Cue screams and lots of celebrity bed-wetting.