Pictures of Fifa games are so boring the the rest will just be funny football pics.

I've managed to keep away from annualized releases in the games that I've reviewed but there is a special reason why I've been playing so much Fifa 14 recently.
The world cup is on its way and with it will be another competition almost as important. My friends and I will be holding a world cup of our own. Taking place over the first three days of the 2014 world cup, we have each drawn a team and will attempt to beat the game system and each other in order to win our own (Less expensive) World cup. The winner will then hold the trophy until the next world cup in four years time. Yes, I’m aware at how awesome it sounds and I can feel your jealousy from here.
As excited as I was when the idea was posited, I couldn’t remember the last time that I’d actually played a Fifa game for any length of time and I REALLY wanted that trophy to go alone with my Golden Joystick.
Having purchased the day one edition of the Xbox One, I’d had Fifa 14 included in the bundle for ne reason other than living in Europe and every person in Europe loves football (almost true). I’d installed it and created my career character but got no further than a pre season friendly all the way back in November. I was impressed with the presentation and hearing “Morgan” called out by the announcers when my player picked up the ball made me squeal inside. Apart from that I’d got into other games until about a month ago when our plans were finalized and I’m very glad I was given that spur to play with this beautiful and digital game.

There should be DLC to dress Messi up in his shiny red suit.

I’ve always loved football. As a kid I would spend more time playing than actually watching it but as I grew larger (In all directions) my love swung to watching. A Swindon Town and England fan since birth I have an intimate knowledge of the ugly parts of the game and this is one thing that Fifa 14 absolutely nails. Playing through the career mode gives you the option to only control your avatar or control the whole team as is more traditional. Considering I had started my career with my beloved Swindon town, two leagues away from the Premier League, my computer controlled team did not support me well. The hopelessness of seeing your avatar playing his heart out, swinging crosses in, playing through balls all to no avail is heart breaking. This is not to say that controlling the entire team can’t be equally frustrating. The teams you face will have differing ways of attacking and defending and you will find yourself struggling to make a break though against a team apparently weaker than the side you smashed in the previous game.
It may say something about my teams and their success/failures which makes me see these qualities in Fifa 14 to be a positive. It’ll be interesting to see if a Manchester United fan would carry on through a season when they find themselves in 7th place or whether they’d sack themselves and start again. Due to the career aspect of the game you are even forced to watch a simulation of the critical matches should you not be picked or end up on the injury list. Knowing I could have beaten a side and having to watch on the side lines as my team mates get beaten feels heartbreaking.
Frustration in Football is part of the beauty. Football is the most beautiful game when it is played simply and fluidly. The matches in which I’ve scored during the last few minutes to seal a victory are worth much more than the 5-0 thrashings. Scoring with a tap in two feet from an empty goal still makes me throw my fist up in the air as much as a cheeky chip from the edge of the box. The ability to command my xbox to record that particular goal also adds to the experience. I’ve recorded many of my goals and I’ve watched them all over and over.
Yes the presentation is excellent throughout, but what makes me enjoy Fifa is the feeling it brings out in me. The whole range of emotions that I’ve felt during games of football I’ve played in and watched are brought out during my time with Fifa 14. I don’t have the burnout that other people do with the series as this is the first version I’ve purchased since 1998. I can understand the frustrations people feel with the incremental changes that take place in the yearly franchises due to devs having to churn out a new game in about nine months. However as an outsider to the series I’ve got to say that Fifa 14 hits every single note that it needs to in order to recreate the game that I love so much. Goals feel satisfying. Long passing movements resulting in a goal make you feel like a master tactician. Cutting down an attack from your friend before sending a devastating counter attack his way causes you to record it and put it on the internet for everyone to see.
In short, if you love football and have been put off by the naysayers that complain about EA’s yearly release, none of their problems will bother you. You’ll be too busy celebrating each goal as if you’re watching a real game. If anyone’s said that isn’t enough, they’re wrong.
A small addition to that is that because the next gen consoles didn’t get a world cup release this year, we got a free update out of the blue which allowed us to play all of the world cup teams in one off international friendlies. They updated the teams, the stadium, weather and play style to match that of the retail release. Unfortunately the also updated the commentary team and chose ITV’s bunch of shaved apes. Other than the ear abuse I have to suffer, this free addition was very much appreciated.
Have you played a Fifa game recently?
Are you watching the world cup? Are you following England or choosing a sensible team?

Going back and looking up articles about this reboot of one of the best loved series of console generations passed was confusing at best. I’ve never played a previous version of this Capcom IP so I would count myself as an observer as hundreds of fans flipped out that their beloved series was being given a new coat of paint. Gone was the long white hair in favour of a darker more brooding look who is allowed to use adult language and behave in an adult way with swearing and everything. Those fans continued in their whine-a-thon even after the release despite almost universal high scores, many pointing out that the re-skin worked very well and gave the franchise the kick up the bum that it needed.
In I come a couple of years later to play through this palate cleanser after the poo flavoured soufflé that was MGS4 and I loved it all. Well almost.
Dante is now a 20 ish old looking guy who spends his time sleeping around and getting drunk because he’s a good looking half demon half angel Nephilim and presumably that's all that they do. I’m not sure how he funds this lifestyle or pays for his trailer to be parked on a popular sea side dock in a major city but I’ll let it slide for now. He is then found by demons and the fighting begins. You’re given many combat options in order to build combos and rack up high scores. Defeating enemies seems to be almost an after thought considering the replayability of the game comes from playing levels again once and beating your previous score/rank after you’ve opened up new abilities. The enemies in the game aren’t difficult to beat but do require you to pay attention to which weapon you’re using in order to get passed them quickly.

That's his finger, honest.

Weapons are mostly split in angelic (Quick, weak crowd busters) or demonic (Slow, powerful targeted attacks). Changing between them is easy and the game introduces them slowly enough for you to adapt. Platforming is also an essential part of the game in both story and for exploration. Chains which pull something towards you or pull you towards them mixed with brief air dashes and double jumps mean you can cover a lot of ground without once touching it. All parts feel satisfying and work consistently.
Mechanically I had a lot of fun in the various combat arenas and platforming sections. I’d even try and max out my combo meter once I felt confident and when you’re flying between enemies at ease, air juggling and cutting through enemies, I defy you to not feel like a badass.

You always feel like a badass when you're glowing red.

The design of the game is outstanding. Levels look completely different from each other the entire way through the game. Some levels have you working through a huge gothic mansion. Digital, futuristic levels follow along with Neon lit contemporary design. The level designers worked their asses off on this game and deserve a huge amount of credit.
Story wise, I actually enjoyed the restraint that Ninja Theory used when rewriting the lore of DMC. Considering the whole Angel, Demon parentage angel they could have quite easily fallen into Kojima territory but the cut scenes were to the point and drove the story along without making you wait too long to get back to killing some more demons. The motion capture is done well and the voice acting is convincing to the point that my wife actually commented on it. The main characters have depth and actually exhibit a noticeable change in their personality by the end of the game. Tellingly, a game in which the lead is supposed to be a womaniser manages to treat the female characters with a lot more respect than a lot of others. I’ll even let the cleavage and tiny shorts heavy wardrobe choices for Kat slide as Dante also displays a hefty amount of skin during his time on screen.

My opinion may be biased considering Kat is totally my type.

The story even managed to get some social commentary into the story which I was not expecting. While it wasn’t the most subtle and they could have actually just held up a sign in the back ground saying “THIS EVIL FIZZY DRINK IS COKE” or “THIS MEDIA COMPANY IS NEWSCORP/FOX NEWS” I always enjoy when people take aim at corporations that deserve it. When I’m then given the chance to kill a digital version of Rupert Murdoch/ Bill O’Reilly, it will always improve my mood. I would love to see more of this in games. The conservative wing of the media will never accept video games as an equal so we may as well point out their hypocrisy's.
DMC is not perfect and the main reason for me is that while the cut scenes involving story are well done, the boss fight writer decided that Dante would speak only in Schwarzenegger sound bites that often times had nothing to do with what was happening at the point in the game. “You’re all mixed up” after an enemy is killed by a huge ventilation unit a prime example. I know he’s supposed to be cocky, but he just comes off as a douche during the boss battles when he’s perfectly likable the rest of the time.
You should play this game. If you held off due to the reinvention then brush that chip off your shoulder cause it’s denying you a super phun time.
Did you play through DMC? Let me know what you thought.

Build up to the release of a game can be a marketers dream. We’ve seen slow builds like Titanfall or GTA V pay off hugely as millions of customers rush out to buy a game before reviews are even released, let alone read. Gamers frothing at the mouth due to the slow drip feed of information, finally able to get hold of the answer to all of life’s questions contained within one Bluray.
There’s another type of build up. One that I imposed on myself, for reasons unknown, with MGS4. I’ve had a PS3 for years and didn’t think to play the 4th instalment of Hideo Kojima’s increasingly frantic fever dream/video game. I even bought it and left it in my draw for no reason at all. All the time building it up in my head, reading and watching reviews produced seven years ago, reminiscing about past iterations of the series and how much I enjoyed them. It was the flagship game for the PS3, pushing the machine graphically and the production levels through the roof. A game so massive and detailed it would have required seven discs to play on the competing Xbox 360.
It’s a shame then that after playing this bloated, self important waste of gaming time that this particular type of build up reminds of times in my past when I’ve reached for a plunger to help me out.
Continuing the story of Solid Snake after the events of MGS2, we’re approached by Otacon and Major Tom who have heard that Liquid/Ocelot is visible again and there is a chance to kill him. Snake is suffering the effects of being a super clone soldier and is aging prematurely. That is all of the plot that you need to know. You’ll notice that it didn’t require seven more paragraphs explaining the details further. This is my main problem with the game. The Metal Gear Solid series has always had long cut scenes, but never like this. 15, 30, 45 minute cut scenes are common, most of which are a confusing mess of over complicated dialogue that have never been read by an editor. This would sound like a minor point in any other game in which the game play/cut scene ratio would be in the favour of someone that enjoys playing video games. This isn’t the case though. I wish I had recorded how much time I actually had something to do, other than passively listen to Kojima’s translated word vomit. I’ve played the other games, I know what the back story is, but even I was confused.
It was as if Kojima wanted EVERY single Metal Gear Solid character to make an appearance and turn this into “MGS Nostalgia: The video game”. Forcing story arches and surprises into a story that could have done with some fresh faces. Now nostalgia can work, the Shadow Moses level is great but that is mostly due to the increased amount of game playing I got to do in a familiar, yet higher res location. The ending also takes over 45 minutes to watch. 45 MINUTES. Ever got to the end of an intense game and thought “I wish I could watch the director waffle on for the length of a Breaking bad episode without taking breath”? No, nor have I.

The B and B's at the start.

Then there is MGS4’s relationship to women. I would not describe myself as a feminist yet I do understand that equality has not been reached. I also do not agree with many criticisms levelled at video games as a genre. However one of the main story lines is that Snake has to “Save” the Beauty and the Beast unit. These are all beautiful women, scared psychologically (Not physically however) by war and driven to fight. Snake saves these women by shooting them. Once he beats them they strip their battle gear off, revealing tight battle suits. You can tell they’re tight because at certain camera angles you can probably tell what they last ate. They then stalk Snake in a seductive manor after writhing on the floor moaning snakes name.
Every other female character in the game also seemed to have a problem purchasing an outfit in which it could be buttoned up above the belly button. I know this is fantasy but every female character in the game is ultimately saved by a man or men, even when the women are superior in skill and experience. Meryl, a hardened soldier, decides that proposing to a guy that has been inept up until that point is a sensible thing to do while bullets rain down around them. Yes this is a seven year old game but if you haven’t played it yet then it could be something to watch out for. There were times when I was playing this when I felt genuinely embarrassed for how blatantly women were portrayed as inferior or subordinate.

The B and B's after. War is good for the skin it seems.

Now at the same time MGS4 does many things right.
It does allow you to select how you’ll play the game. Likely you’ll try sneaking before getting frustrated and just shooting everyone in sight. But you can be ultra sneaky should you want to play as a purist. It does have a more action feel but still keeps close to the original formula that everyone loves.
The boss battles are again brilliant. None of them reach the heights of previous stand outs but follow the rule of being both incredibly difficult yet very easy once you think about what you’re doing giving a tremendous feeling of accomplishment.
It looks beautiful. Seven years later and it still looks impressive. Splitting up the screen to show you other events while you complete a section is a brilliant idea and adds to the feeling of urgency.
The theme that the story is written around, Private Military Corporations, is one that needs to be brought up more often and in fact is the basis of the next COD game. PMC’s represent a huge number of the armed forces in the world today and that scares the crap out of me. No longer do people even need conflict to fight a war. They just need to get paid. I actually agree with every point that Kojima makes about this situation in MGS4, I just wish he’d made about a third of it so that people could understand him.

Raiden is also a bad ass

In the end I’m glad that I played through MGS4. It has shown me a valuable lesson that while I love story driven games more than any other. I have a breaking point and that is when the game part of ‘story driven game’ is shrunk down in order to appease a creator who is desperately in need of a stern talking to. Maybe that’s why Metal Gear Solid 5 is only a couple of hours long.
Have you played through MGS4 yourself? Let me know what you thought.

Yeah, that’s right. I said it. The console that is ripped on most consistently (second only to the Wii U and that’s only because people have heard of the Wii U) has recently been updated and it’s glorious. Almost every negative thing about the console has been fixed in terms of functionality and you should get one if you ever want to play great games while away from a console.
I picked up my original Vita last year and fell in like almost instantly. I spoke about it last year in a few blogs but there were always a few things that got in the way of giving it a glowing review.
1. It felt too heavy.
This could be taken as a sign of a quality build which it was. However it could become difficult to hold after long sessions of play.
The slim version of the Vita is lighter due to using plastic instead of metal yet holds onto the build quality of the original.

2. The rear touch screen was too wide.
As a normal sized guy, I would end up touching the back screen too often during games, causing incorrect button inputs and messing up whatever perfect run of excellent gaming I was attempting at the time.
The slim version has made the finger grips bigger and the touch screen smaller while still being big enough for a player to pick out specific sections at will.
3. The start and select buttons were inset and too small.
Sounds like a tiny thing but just think about how many times you use these buttons in your gaming. Now times that amount by the frustration you would feel by not being able to hit those buttons on a consistent basis.
They've beefed up the buttons and my stress levels have reduced.
4. Remote play did not work.
A couple of games could be played using remote play from the PS3 but it was never a game changer. I literally got it to work once, thought it was kinda cool and never used it again.
Remote play works with every game you can play on the PS4 and it’s actually worth using. Being able to carry on playing ‘Don’t Starve’ from my PS4 while my wife watches Tangled again for the 745th time, is a revelation.
5. The battery life wasn’t great.
The OLED screen sucked the battery clean in just over 2 hours during my time and for a mobile gaming device that isn’t ideal.
The Slim version has an LCD screen that, unless you placed it next to the original, looks fantastic still. Your games will still look great and the 4-5 hours of game time should last most commutes. Turn it onto airplane mode to get another couple of hours out of it should you be travelling cross country/countries.
6. The Vita needs more games.
Only joking. If you think the Vita doesn’t have games then you’re flat wrong. You only have to look at the free games you could have received with a PS+ membership (42 since Nov 2012). This isn’t counting the hundreds more you can buy separately if you hate getting a good deal and have too much money in your Scrooge McDuck bank vault.

7. The memory cards are the most overpriced piece of video game accessory in the history of the genre.
I said it was almost perfect and this remains the lone problem. You can buy each game on a cartridge but if you want to take advantage of PS+ you need a memory card. Not only are they always running out on Amazon and in physical shops, a 64gig card costs £85. A 64 gig micro sd costs £32. LESS THAN HALF. Sony are bad guys for doing this. The fact that the Vita isn’t that popular saves them from the daily thrashing they should be receiving for stealing money from their customers. This is the reason I laugh at people saying Sony have saved gaming and that they are the good guys now and Microsoft are the money grabbers. It’s also the one reason I wouldn’t drag you to a shop to make you buy a Vita right now as it makes me so angry that Sony are getting away with this. A new product should always have as few barriers for entry as possible to appeal to as wider an audience as possible. Sony for some reason hold on to this massive negative which not only puts off potential buyers but forces people like me who LOVE the Vita to tell people to stay away.

That got ranty all of a sudden. Anyway the Vita is still great despite the memory cards, just be prepared to get filled with rage whenever you fill up your monumentally expensive memory card with amazingly priced games.

“There's a brilliant South park episode about that” is a common sentence used by yours truly. My wife roles her eyes every time as I go on and on about the intricate plot points involved in your favorite crappily-animated-on-purpose TV show. Now that I can add “There's a brilliant level in the South Park game about that” to my repertoire, my wife will be thrilled.
I have barely played any RPG's in my time connected to various consoles, choosing to be very careful about the specific games from the genre I lend my time too. When I heard that the South Park game was going to be an RPG, I was not excited, due to both my RPG aversion and South Parks lackluster record with games. The tower defense game released a few years ago, which can at most give a living room of die hard South Park fans a long evening of fun, stands as the only semi high point.
This trend of underwhelming games taken from an outstanding series meant the anticipation for TSOT remained tepid until very close to release. A production filled with seemingly constant delays meant that we were getting into a Duke Nukem situation where the end result couldn't possibly live up to the build up. The news that Matt and Trey were writing the entire script and over seeing the entire game gave people hope, but how could they keep the quality levels up when they also write a TV series and over see a West end and Broadway musical? The lack of game play at conventions worried me as it normally means that a producer isn't confident in the progression of the game. Then I started to worry that the game would just be a game full of call backs to the show, only designed to be entertaining for fans of the show without any game play to back it up or storyline to produce an actual emotional response.
In summery I was worried. I was still going to buy it on day of release, but I was very, very cautious. Then I bought it and promptly went on holiday for a week which only raised the tension I had already built up. Finally after years of waiting I was able to start the game and found the walls protecting my love for South Park, built up in case the game turned out to be horrible, were torn down.
The look of the game is perfect, both in how it manages to look identical to the TV series but more crucially, how you get around the world. The fixed camera angles don’t hide anything from you or make getting around awkward. The actual town of South Park is lovingly recreated and easy to get around. The controls are simple to pick up and make sense even in the later part of the game when more and more powers are added to your character. Crucially the story and script make sense in the South park world. It may not make sense if you are expecting a realistic RPG, but nothing is shoe horned in and everything is believable. I was actually going to write an example of some fantastical idea that Matt and Trey could add to the show and it still make sense, however I actually couldn’t think of anything more strange or shocking than what they’ve already done. I think that proves my point well enough.
This is in no way a cheap cash in on the series. This is a valuable addition to the South park world and should be played by anyone who is even a casual fan.
I mentioned before that I’m not an RPG mark and I feel like this game was aimed squarely at my level of RPG interest. The turn based fighting style is easy to pick up and keeps you interested by adding small quick time events to each attack. It’s also a perfect length for me. I finished the game in 13ish hours and I was able to complete almost every quest and make friends with almost everyone. I was talking to a friend about this very point and he sounded disappointed at the relatively short run time. However I can’t spend 40+ hours on a game and still write a semi active blog. It’s the main reason I never started Mass Effect and is my cross to bare. To be able to finish a game in two to three hard core sessions is just about perfect and South Park nailed it.
Due to my location I was stuck with the censored version of the game which actually turned out to be funnier than the original in my opinion having watched both thanks to the internet(Proving the pointlessness of censorship in the modern world). The notice describing the cut scene accompanied by elevator music made the scene sound much worse than it actually was. It actually filled a part of the gap the an uncensored script left. For those of you outside of Britain, whenever we got to watch South Park the various cusses of Cartman and co were censored making the show funnier in my opinion. I would have liked a bleeping option for those few like me who prefer their rudeness implied. Those few may just include me, granted, so I understand why that option wasn’t given.
I can’t review a game for someone that doesn’t watch South Park so I can’t answer the question about whether it’s satisfying enough on game play alone. From my perspective, South Park: The Stick of Truth is my favorite game of the year so far and I would be happy for it to still be in that position come January.
Oh and you should definitely pick the Jew class. It’s final form is worth the wait on its own.