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This week Scott was getting to see his all time favorite band in cocert so Mike volunteered to put together a 'best of' show along with a 'brief' recap of the goings on this week through Saturday. We will be back live next week for what will most likely be our wrap up show for this season of Big Brother.

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Sorry, folks, but this is another episode that I'm skipping. I'm assuming that I'm not alone. Besides the premiere of another reality show on another network, the mysterious button makes anything that happens this week unnecessary. (Plus, I refuse to watch Jeff and Jordan. Sorry cat ladies.)

That doesn't mean that I can't recap, though. Production has been so predictable in recent years, that I bet that I'm close to perfect in this outline of tonight's show:

1. The show starts off with a look back at double eviction night. Christine's boos are discussed by the house, and Cody has a diary room segment where he's concerned about what that means about his popularity. Frankie, of course, will have plenty to say about it.

2. The house looks at the mysterious button in the have-not room, and they all have diary room segments about what they think it means. Victoria says something completely ridiculous, Derrick worries about his game, and Caleb believes it could mean prizes and fame. Frankie again makes it all about him.

3. The HOH competition, won by Frankie. We all know how this works. Instructions are read to the house, and then there are diary room segments where the rules are explained again. They all talk about how it's so important that they win this competition. After Frankie wins, he goes nuts for the camera, and also in the diary room.

4. More discussion on the button before the house decides to push it. Frankie again makes it all about him, and ensures maximum camera time.

5. Jeff and Jordan's prearranged engagement. Excuse me while I vomit. Jordan pretends to be surprised, even though it was announced on Thursday's show that they had a big announcement. Cody thinks they did it on Big Brother because they love the cast so much, Caleb believes that it's because they want him to sing, Derrick worries how this will affect his game (I'm joking), and Frankie is over the top in his excitement.

6. A few minutes of nonsensical game talk, including Derrick again lecturing the viewers on his mastery of directing the conversations. Frankie talks about targetting a big player.

7. Frankie nominates Victoria and Cody, dressed outrageously and peppered with sexual innuendo. The audience yawns, and turns back to either Sunday Night Football or Utopia.

As I stated in a post earlier today, tonight’s episode is a tease. A huge tease. There will be a few moments where the vast majority of you will cheer, and will actually be excited for the last few weeks of the season.

Don’t get too pumped, though, as there will be an almost instant deflation. A devastating turn of events. I’m getting upset just thinking about it.

So let’s get this over with it, starting with the nominations of Nicole and Christine. Caleb says that Nicole is the actual target, and if she somehow stays she’s going to come after him “or one of my boys”. All Christine has to do, he adds, “is sit up there and look pretty”.

Derrick heads into the storage room with Caleb, and immediately gets a stupid “holla”. Caleb explains that although he’s a “country boy” and Nicole’s a “country girl”, they’re both playing completely different games. Derrick agrees, but in the diary room confides that he actually wants Christine to head out the door. “Frankly, I’m not a big fan of her.” He’s now just waiting for the results of the veto competition to make this happen.

We move on to Christine alone in the fire room. “I hate them”, she says about the boys. “I’ve done so much fucking crap for the stupid Detonators and stupid Bomb Squad, and every time I fucking get put up on the block or screwed over. I’m so tired of it.” She has to win the veto, obviously.

Nicole now comes into the storage room to get some consoling from Derrick. First, we get her godawful diary room whine. She complains that it’s even harder to make it in the game after coming back into it. Derrick tries to convince her that he’s actually her allie, and the triumphant music comes up as the tears disappear. “Anytime you want to talk, I’m here”, says Derrick.

Upstairs, Cody and Caleb are having a meeting of the mind(less). They’re going through the scenarios surrounding the veto comp. Caleb says that Victoria will be the replacement nominee, but then adds “I’ll ask D(errick) to see what he says.” Yep, there’s everything that’s wrong with this season. Think for yourselves!!!

On cue, Derrick heads into the HOH. Caleb asks what would happen if Christine was able to save herself using the veto. Would she now come after him? Derrick replies that she will indeed be pissed, but she has to know that none of the guys are taking her to the end. He says that it wouldn’t bother him if Christine ended up going home if Nicole saves herself. He also reminds Caleb that Christine almost beat him in the HOH comp, and that Nicole is emotionally done even if she stays.

In the have-not room, Nicole is talking to Victoria. Nicole says that in the last few days they’ve gotten really close as they supposedly have the same views on those left in the house, and she wouldn’t know what to do without her companionship. They gossip a bit about Christine and Cody, and Victoria says she doesn’t like her. She goes on to say how stupid these people are to see her as a bigger threat than Christine, as she has nobody to work with. If Victoria wins the veto, Nicole hopes that she uses it on her. Victoria just shakes her head yes, but is more unresponsive to the idea. “I will not go down without a fight”, concludes Nicole.

More “hollas” for Derrick as he heads into the HOH. They talk about how hard it’s going to be in the final week, and Caleb spouts a lot of obvoius stuff. Derrick does his usual job of greasing up Caleb’s ego while also digging out some info. Derrick describes how he’s doing this in the diary room. After stroking his ego, Derrick then talks about how awful he is at competitions. “I think any one of you would beat me.” The third step is to throw a dig or two at the other competitiors, and for this exercise it’s Frankie and Cody. He tells Caleb that it would be a close fight between him and those two, unlike the ease he’d beat Derrick. Caleb eats it all up, and says that if he is the final HOH he is definitely taking Derrick. Mission accomplished. “That, people, is how you win five hundred thousand dollars.”

Now we see Christine talking to herself as she slowly walks upstairs to the HOH. “The last thing I want to do is hang out with these ‘Abominators’. They just put me on the block!” She heads in anyway, and Caleb says that if any of them win the veto they’re going to pull her down in favor of Victoria. Derrick, obviously, doesn’t agree with this, but is still keeping quiet.

(BTW, I just noticed that it’s not until this moment twelve minutes into the show that we’re forced to endure Frankie. Great job, producers!!!)

After commercials, we get to pick veto players. It’s kind of a wasted segment, though, as all but one person gets to play. To keep it short, and to ignore the “I have to win this” speeches, it’s everybody but Frankie that plays this week...which annoys him. It annoys him so much that he checks to see if he actually has a chip in the bag. “Unbelievable.”

Back upstairs, the boys talk about how nervous Frankie is starting to act. Caleb announces to both Cody and Derrick that he will always pick them over Frankie. Cody adds that he’s not the biggest fan of him, either, which leads to another “Derrick teaches us moment”. I’m already tired of this.

He’s now going to show us how to get the conversation “back on track”. Christine, obviously, is the real threat here, so he needs to deflect the chat away from Frankie. He points out that if Nicole saves herself, it’s actually Frankie she’s going to go after next week instead of Caleb, but if Christine stays Frankie will be safe. They all decide at that moment that if Nicole comes down then Christine has to go home.

It’s now veto comp time, and it’s a bomb-squad theme. The worst part about Frankie not playing is that he’s the host, and anytime he gets the hint of screen time he’s at his worst. Yes, it’s unbearable, especially his diary pun about “dropping an anvil” on Nicole like in the cartoons.

The comp involves videos that tell the players which wires they need to cut. If they do it wrong, their “bomb” will explode and they will be “blown out of the game”. The first person or persons out will have to wear a dinosaur outfit. Why, I don’t know.

We hear three different sets of instructions, along with the usual Nicole whine, before we begin. Oh yeah, we also get Mr. Perfect Derrick talking about his photographic mind. I guess tonight is when CBS officially crowns Derrick as the greatest Big Brother player ever.

Just after Cody says he’s confident about the game, his bomb blows up and he’s the first out. Yep, he has to wear the stupid costume. For some reason, this is also explained three different times. In the second round, Nicole attempts to create a song to help her remember the order of wires. “I have a terrible singing voice.” No, my dear, it’s your diary room voice that’s terrible. Ear-splitting, in fact. Ugh, they also have Caleb doing comedy bits here. Everybody is correct this time around.

For round three, though, Caleb goes out. Derrick doesn’t want to win, so he’s just sticking around long enough to look good. Before round four, Victoria talks about how good she’s playing, which obviously means she’s the next to go out...along with more scripted diary room comedy bits. They all get the next one right, and we head to commercials. Why can’t they just end this now? This is a terrible competition, and featuring even worse production on the retells.

When we return, Derrick cuts the wrong wire, but of course he tells us ahead of time that’s according to plan. Nicole’s bomb also blows up, which means that Christine has won the veto. Now what are you going to do, Derrick?

They all notice that Frankie ran and hugged Christine when she won. Caleb says that he may have a new replacement nominee. I don’t even really here what is said for the next couple of minutes, as my ears are still ringing from Nicole.

With the girls in the bathroom, Caleb reports that Frankie was whispering something into Christine’s ear. Apparently, he stopped as soon as he saw Caleb approach. Caleb wants to find out what was said. “It doesn’t really settle well with me.” (Yep, here’s our few minutes of hope.)

Cody raises the question to Christine in the kitchen, and she says that he said that if he had been allowed to play he would have made it as far as her in the comp. Cody says he may be able to use this as ammo.

Filler time, as the diary room calls Cody in to get his dinosaur costume. Fast forward time!

Back to the game, as Dinosaur Boy joins Caleb in the HOH. He reports to Caleb the story on how Frankie was bragging about how great he would have been in the comp. Caleb is pisse.d “What’s his deal?” Cody babbles about how he’ll probably take somebody like Christine to the final two, knowing that Caleb would probably take him. Got that?

After another commercial break, Caleb is talking to Derrick and Christine about how scared he is about Frankie winning the next HOH. He firmly believes that Frankie will cut him and/or Cody loose. In the diary room, he adds that if he makes this move, he needs the support of the entire (non-existent) Bomb Squad. Christine says that she can’t stand Frankie, and would “love for him to be backdoored”. Derrick explains in the diary room that he’s torn as to what to do. (BTW, all through this conversation we get shots of Frankie applying makeup.)

Back inside, Derrick and Cody carry on with this topic. Cody thinks it’s possibly better to keep Nicole over Frankie this week. He believes that if Frankie does win HOH, it won’t be Caleb on the block. It will be him and Derrick. A non-committal Derrick final says that he’s on board with any decision.

Sleeping in the Have-Not room, Nicole complains about the game mentality in the house. At some point, somebody has to actually make some big moves. She tells Derrick that she believes he’s playing the best, most strategic game ever. “You’re the closest thing to Dan I’ve ever come across.” Ugh, really? Derrick loves this, but wants her to keep this quiet.

This compliment so unnerves him that he heads up to the HOH to stop the “Evict Frankie” movement. He says he’s down with sending Frankie home, but creates the needed scenarios to ensure that Nicole is back to being the target. (Seriously, it’s not hard with this collection of no-minds.) Caleb reads the diary room script that says he’s now confused as to what to do, and we head to the show’s final commercial break.

Let’s get this over with. Christine looks at the memory wall, babbles a bit, calls the house in, and takes herself down. They all say what production wants to hear, and then Caleb puts up Victoria in Christine’s place.

That’s it. I’m angry. I swear that CBS allowed interns to put this together. It was horribly edited, horribly scripted, and just a garbage show. I apologize to those who hate my negative recaps, but I’m tired of this idiocy.

Do you agree? Should Frankie have been put up? Are they going over the top with their “Derrick is a genius” edit? Tells us what you think!

Colette is thankfully back, and she was the perfect person to discuss the nightmare that is named Frankie Grande. We talked about the big failure of his play, his tendency to turn any conversation back to him, and everything else that happened in the house this week.

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