Crow

LE

My trip there was as part of the leave scheme from Hong Kong in 1983. The only reason I know that I wasv there was people ask me if I can remember when we were there. FFS No it's like the sixties if you can remember you wasted the opportunity!

Over'? Did you say 'over'? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!â

Old-Salt

Initial impression of the place - Wall to wall hookers and hooker bars. It's also full of sad old blokes who couldn't get a ride if they fell into a barrel of fanny. The Diamond Bar just off Walking Street was a laugh.

Although Thailand's dirt cheat....the downside of it is I thought it was one of the most expensive places in Thailand. "Here's a Farang , let's rip him off" sorta attitude.

Excellent AT activities there. Did Parascending off the back of a boat, Jetskiing and shithot diving off Ko Samet. There's also Bungee jumping, elephant riding and monkey wnaking if that's yer thing.

If anyone's going, one place I can highly recommend is the 30 meter shooting range in North Pattaya. (Head for Jomtien Beach down the big hill. Halfway down the hill turn left.)

They get you into the range shop and hand you a MENU with the weapons and ammo on it. I got a Barretta 93R and my pal picked a Glock. They basically hand you the weapons and ammo and let you get on with it.

Out of 10 I'd give it 6. Bangkok's still the greatest and wierdest place on earth in my book.

Fcuk me.....I feel like Alan Wicker now.

Edited to add......You have to try the deep friend cockroaches the old bint sells just off the main street.

Ping-Pong hopscotch, my own modest contribution to humanity. A game that can make you money and interesting new friends, or dead if you dont cut the bar owner and bouncers in on the action.

You require...

The back room of a bar where men love naked women and gambling.

A Ping-Pong girl

Chalk.

Blindfold your Ping-Pong girl and get her to assume the position then draw a hopscotch grid a metre away from her feet. Draw odds in the grid squares. Evens straight ahead, then 2-1 further out, 3-1 to the sides, etc.

Punters place their bets on the squares. The winner is the square the ping pong ball lands on. The trick is to work out a system of coughs, grunts and key words with the girl. Then she knows which square to hit so you can rig the game. You get accomplices to make the noises, otherwise you are likely to be lynched.

Fun for all the family. If Russians enter the bar, let them win.

I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna be. You're gonna make sweet love to me.Sun Tzu. The Art of War

Clanker

Went last month - had a ball there's a whole street dedicated to Blow jobs - I think its Soy six off Beach road 2. Kittens bar is excellent on the street before the Grand Plaza shopping centre. Buffalo bar is also a good night. But as there is 35000 bars its not hard to find a good one. Would also recommend flying to Koh Samui from Pattaya, 35 quid return and the night life is just as good. Its a bit quieter and there aren't so many sock wearing 60yr old fat americans mooching around with 20yr old chicks in tow.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

ADC

Oh, do a quick check of the ceiling. Some of those bars have live webcam feeds. So unless you fancy starring on AsianSluts dot com, maybe doing it in front of your mates aint such a good idea? Retire to a back room would be my advice. If I went in for that sort of malarky of course.

I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna be. You're gonna make sweet love to me.Sun Tzu. The Art of War