New York, I love you, but you (were) bringing me down.

Sometimes I feel homesick. Sometimes I long to get in my car, grab an egg sandwich and head down to the beach to watch the waves roll in. Sometimes I want to walk through town and sit in the bakery and have a coffee. Sometimes I want to fall back into my daily routine of driving through the North Fork to spend my day playing with horses. Sometimes I think about going home when I am supposed to in April and what would happen.

For me, Westhampton Beach, NY is home. But home is not where I want to be. (If you get the Taking Back Sunday reference here, congrats, you win). Although I love Long Island, I am not meant to live there. I cannot stand the constant tourism in the summer and the fact that there is nothing to do. It is expensive to live there and job choices are slim. When I moved home after college last year I knew it would be brief. I knew that I needed to move abroad before I got a “real job” and “real obligations.” I want to fully learn Spanish and not give in to being a Westhampton Beach “lifer.” (If you get that reference, then wow, congrats, you are a lifer). The only way that I was able to live in Westhampton Beach for a year was because I knew it was temporary.

My happy place.

After I left for college Westhampton Beach was a different place to me. It amazed me how everything was still the same, but I felt so different. For the first time Westhampton Beach didn’t grow with me and it was ok. This was the first time I learned that I liked living away from home. Sure, it was great to come back and see the sights, but it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t in high school and I didn’t feel like I had a purpose there anymore.

The most difficult part about being home after first moving away was not having the comfort of my horse. I owned an amazing horse, Arco, for four years during high school. He taught me so much about life and riding and was always there when I needed anything. He was the truly the sweetest animal. When my family bought him we knew we would have to sell him before I went to college and I will never forget the day I had to say goodbye to him. He was my best friend (Kindly screw off or stop reading this if you’re going to make fun of me for saying my horse was my best friend, because you are clearly heartless). I spent a good part of my day today looking at pictures and watching the one video I have of me riding him. I have a lot of issues with my riding self-confidence and this video always makes me feel great. I was about 15 and looked so confident. I trusted Arco and you can see it in my riding.

When I was 15 I couldn’t stand this picture. My back isn’t arched enough. Today I look at it and I think the opposite. I look great here. Confident and happy.

Being home without the comfort of my horse was always difficult and since I haven’t owned my own horse since then I haven’t felt the same connection with horses. Of course, while working at a barn last year I was around a great group of horses, but they weren’t my horse. After selling Arco I don’t know if I could get attached to a horse again in the same capacity, at least until I knew it would be for the rest of their life.

Of course I miss my family, friends, cats and most of all my rabbit. But everyone on Long Island is there. I know that they will be there when I get back. Even if they aren’t physically on Long Island, I will see them again. A big part of homesickness is food and sure, I miss bagels and pizza, but those make me crawl on the floor in agony when I eat them. I’m in a constant state of craving a toasted whole wheat everything bagel scooped out with low fat vegetable cream cheese, but we can’t have everything, can we?!

I intended my next post to be an ode to my parents visit, but here we are. Don’t get me wrong-I had a great time with them! It was so wonderful to have them here, it felt so natural that they were in Barcelona. It felt like I had seen them just a few days before. It was amusing to watch them struggle with the language and cultural barrier. My dad did not understand that you do not tip here and ordering at restaurants was funny. The best part is that my parents left me my laptop. Holy shit, I have watched so much TV the past few days. For the past few months I have been using my iPad mini with a keyboard, but this is much easier to write on. Hopefully, I will post more inspirational posts instead of very cut and dry reports of my time here in Barcelona. I guess we’ll see!

Last night in Barcelona at Copasetic.

-AMP

I guess I’m signing off with my initials now. It’s either that or enjoy your burrito.