the longer I linger…

Well, its been about eleven months since we moved here into the village. Its been interesting as the second longest stay for us since we got married almost seven years ago, and fourth or fifth in my life! Mostly interesting because I know I still have a year to a year and a half left here. At first when we decided that we would extend to the MBA program I was very excited to be able to stay with this group of friends in the village. That was before…
I don’t know what has happened, but I feel like our nice group of friends has become this angry, dramatic group that is always mad or bitter about someone or something. The gossip has become much more apparent in the last few months and I don’t know if this is because they now feel comfortable enough around me to gossip, or if its because of something else. But most days I try to avoid the circle as much as possible. I do like having friends, and they aren’t bad people… I just don’t want to center my life around the gossip and negativity. By going out around 2 or 3 for an hour I figure I’m avoiding a lot because they’ve already been out chatting for hours. Today I misjudged.
There were things said today that were not even gossip… they were just plain rude. And I am kicking myself now for not saying anything at the time. I didn’t laugh, but I just sat in my chair silent. I don’t know how to do what’s right but not make my own enemies or offend them at the same time. Maybe I shouldn’t be afraid of what they think, but the whole thought that I have to live here with these people for at least another year scares me to do that. I did stand up for one lady a few weeks ago and I was thanked later for the comment, but how many comments do I get to make before they start being rude to me, too?
So, I just assume that if they want to talk bad about me behind my back that’s fine. I don’t want to be around that anyway, so I won’t care if I’m not invited to hang out with them. Is avoidance the answer?
I’m thinking its a lot easier to up and move every year so you don’t have to worry about your future with anyone but your own family… gypsy blood can have its advantages.

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Yes you are right… gypsy blood can save a lot of grief … and usually it takes about 6-10 months before you know what you don’t like about people or before you see the worst side of them. I agree that it is a hard thing to know what to do but I do have one bit of advice… Susan Greenburg is my supreme example… never does she say anything ugly about anyone and so I know that when I am with her, I too will be good. You might hear things from these gals that are rude and you might not have the courage to stick up for some person but you can make sure that you don’t make any hurtful comments. You can always pick the friends that you can trust to sit with and like you said, you are finding other things to do…I know that you can try to say positive things about people that might be victims of rude comments but other times just being quiet might let “your group” know they are out of line. Having the courage to just say “Well, gotta go” can at least set an example for these gals. I think you’d be surprised how many of them are feeling the same way you are… they may have said too much and felt bad after.
What about your friend Laura – it didn’t sound like she would be like that… can you set up some things to do with her or other “trustworthy friends” or new gals in the quad. Sounds to me like this might make you grow… however hard it might be.
Gotta say – been there, done that. As much as it was hard to leave a place sometimes, it was also a relief. So I get your message and I wish you well. Love MOM

I catch myself talking about others in a not so good light often, and appreciate reminders. As I tell Ariel, princesses just don’t do certain things, and gossiping and being rude are some of those things. As daughters of Heavenly Father, we need to be aware of what we say and do. I need constant reminders!
A wise man in one of our wards gave a talk one time and used the Socrates’ Triple Filter Test.
In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high
esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said,
“Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?”
“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d
like
you to pass a little test.
It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”
“Triple filter?”
“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my
friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re
going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure
that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and…”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or
not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what
you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him,
but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though,
because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you
want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really.”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither
true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

It is a great reminder, and one I have shared with my coworkers.
One of the great blessings of being able to live where you are, and for the length of time, is that your children will be able to make some friends and always remember them.
This is great practice for when you buy a house and settle into an area, build friendships and have more life experiences.
You’re doing a great job, keeping doing your best,
we love you all!!
jackie