Prescription – What to do when your boss doesn’t like you

This entire month we’ve tackled an all-too-common dysfunction – “I don’t think my boss likes me.” Think back to the glory days of middle school or high school when you had a crush on that special someone. Remember that moment when you wondered, “do they like me back?” And remember what happened? It was all downhill from there. Your mind spun in circles wondering what’s going on, analyzing every little action he or she did or didn’t take. Unfortunately, when we believe our boss doesn’t like us, we are prone to many of the same spirals. But before we get too far down those paths, let’s take a step and assess what’s going on.

Diagnosing the Problem

Does your boss really not like you or is it all in your head? Consider some of the following tell-tale signs:

“The vague performance review”– If you are getting vague poor reviews with the only rationale being “your attitude” or “your approach” needs to change, while there is the possibility that those are true, there is also a good chance that your boss simply doesn’t like you.

“The demotion”– If you’ve been inexplicably demoted, this may be another sign your boss doesn’t like you. Consider if it’s your approach or who you’ve been associating with that may have triggered their opinion of you.

“The cold shoulder”– If you can’t get any time with your boss despite your best efforts, be worried – very worried. Even the most insensitive bosses will show a minimum level of effort to meet with their employees upon request. Consider 30 minutes every two weeks as a minimum level of contact – anything under that and your boss may be avoiding you on purpose.

“Not being asked to prom / rejection”– If your boss starts to play favorites and it’s not you, be concerned. Research shows that when a boss has a favorite, they pick them to fill an open position 98% of the time. Notice if you aren’t getting the invitations and opportunities that someone in your position “should” be getting. This may be a big red flag that you could end up home permanently on Friday nights.

Treating the Problem

There are some excellent “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for getting your boss to like you. Consider the following:

Focus on your work – A great strategy to get your boss to like you – get your work done consistently well and on time. Shocking, I know.

Add value in every interaction with your boss – In every interaction with your boss (casual conversations in the hall, meetings in his or her office, etc…) look to be adding value. What do I mean by that? Ask good questions. Provide updates. Don’t waste his or her time with a rambling story about your golf game that weekend.

Look out for your boss – Be on the lookout for things that might help or hurt your boss and let he or she know. They’ll appreciate the fact that you’ve “got their back” and will likely return the favor. Just be careful to not make up those problems just to get in his or her good graces. That kind of manipulation will eventually swallow you whole.

Dress like your boss –Bosses do care about “how” things get done. Notice your boss’ style and try to modulate your style to fall in line with how he or she approaches work. The same goes for attire. If he or she is business casual at work, I would not recommend coming into the office in torn jeans and a retro Motley Crue tee shirt.

For all the things you “Don’t” want to do to get your boss to like you, check out this list.

Surgery

It may come to this. You’ve done everything and despite your best efforts, your worst fears are realized. Your boss not only doesn’t like you, but you have a giant target on your back. Time for drastic measures.

Option 1: Wait it out. If your boss is that bad, they will likely burn bridges. Their days may be numbered. Keep your head down, avoid him / her at all costs and hold out for them to be “cut out.”

Option 2: Get out. Get yourself a game plan, begin to network and “cut yourself out of the problem.” But remember, it’s always easier to get a job when you’ve got a job. Leaving without a plan is the equivalent of trying to perform open heart surgery on yourself. Sure there’s a chance you’ll survive, but I really don’t like those odds.

Life is easier when you know your boss likes you. Assess the situation, work the relationship and see if you can turn it to a positive. If not, it may be time for surgery, but in the end, that’s a much better option than working for someone who’s just not that into you.

Next Up (next month’s dysfunction):

“My team member has a bad attitude.” Got an employee or a co-worker who’s attitude sucks? This next “Dysfunction of the Month” is for you. Stay tuned! A whole month of bad attitudes… I feel rowdy already.

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55 Comments

This is a definite problem. First, I would go to your boss and explain the issue in broad terms. Explain that your direct report either bypasses you or takes your ideas to your boss. As a result, it is becoming difficult for you to manage this individual. Ask your boss to decline meetings with your direct report if you are not present for a period of 2 months. This will provide you a better handle on your direct report’s performance. After that discussion, go to your direct report and explain that he needs to direct all of his issues and concerns through you. You are his manager and that is what you are tasked with doing. Anything he does outside of that will prohibit you from doing your job.

These conversations will set the stage for what you need to do, but your direct report will not likely take to this very well. You’ll need to make sure you bring plenty of positive feedback and meet with him regularly. However, at the first sign of him not following your guidance, you need to write him up and contact HR.

Good luck!

Brandon Smith
on April 8, 2015 at 6:46 pm

You are in a difficult position, for sure. Focusing on your question, “how do you present your work to give little room for criticism?”, I do have some thoughts. Namely, the key here is to clarify his expectations as much as possible. Consider asking the following fantastic clarifying questions:
– Before I get started, I want to make sure I get you what you need. How do you plan to use what I am going to provide you? How much detail do you need?
– Are there any examples of “perfect” reports / documents related to this that you have received that you could provide to me as an example? It is important to me that I get you something that meets your needs.
– Are there individuals on your team today (or in the past) that are particularly skilled at providing this type of report? If so, who are they?
– Help me understand what “perfect” would look like for this report. What would you need and how would you need it delivered to get to that level?

Try those and you should be closer to your answer. Good luck!

Brandon

Kevin Disbro
on January 19, 2016 at 11:56 am

My old employer that rode me out on one of those PIP scams – new boss with a “night of the long knives” attitude has my voice greeting on my old direct line with my cell number? I still get customers calling with tech issues. I try to help them and then let them know I’m not there any more. It does not even transfer to someone else just goes to VM. It’s been 3 months and they even went so far as to contest my unemployment thats now in appeal. Can they just continue to use my likenss without my permission? I received a number of letters from customers praising my work over the years and I was well respected in the field but if a person was so bad that they needed harassed out the door why would you continue to use their likeness?

Brandon Smith
on January 26, 2016 at 8:18 am

Kevin,
First, my disclaimer: I do not have a law degree nor did I ever attend law school. I am married to a lawyer, however. 🙂 All that being said, it doesn’t take a person with a law degree to know you’ve got an argument. First, you are doing work on their behalf (that they are sending you – the most important point) without compensation. If you took them to court, you would likely win on that point alone. Second, yes, you have property of your likeness. That they can’t take that from you nor can they profit off of that (I seem to recall a recent lawsuit in which former NCAA basketball players sued a video game company and won on using their likenesses but received no compensation). Assuming you do not want to take this to court, I would recommend you get an attorney to draft a “cease and desist” order and have it sent to the company. If they ignore it and continue on their current path, it simply makes your case stronger. Good luck!

Workerfedup
on June 29, 2017 at 7:12 am

I badly need help. I am working in data entry. I am a super fast typist. I joined a week after team 1. My boss since first week i believe has been discriminating against me since day 1. Classic signs is that he hides my achievements or pretends go not know though he checks the records daily and compliments everyone else.

So far i have scored over our quota several times and no one even knows, yet all else who has, he has made a public announcement.

I notice also he jokes and brags about the few others who are making quota sometime.

I even made quota several times before any of his team one people, yet he favors them and put them in better positions.

Also several of his favorites are bullying me, talking bad about on the floor while working, saying bad things about me to other people. I told manager and i was disciplined, and told to be a bigger person
He then went out and kept laughing with them.

Yet he keeps asking me to train new people, yet never been treated like a valued employee. It is as if he just wants free training out of me.

Along with all this his favorites are late coming to work, rarely make quota, taking days off, even though we been there only a month

I even had one of their head auditors from team one, commented to me, that she told the manager, i was an an amazing trainer and wish i had of trained her

Now at the job all 5 of his favorites are bullying me and new members are joining in. Yet most copy mt techniques on getting work done.

They even has gone as far as talking about me to every new employee that join. I hear my name in break room and look and they get quiet or laugh.

I am kind to them, i help others, i even gave some of them some of my lunch.

There are a few new people who want nothing to do with their conduct. I notice they wont sit in break room, at their table. What makes it hard is one of them are gay and one of them has a slurr in speech and i think they act up because the manager is scared people say he discriminate against them. I am black and natural with nice locked hair. I have seen managet give me a foul look. My job has people from all over. The other manager and supervisor, is actually fond of me and one complimented and said i was so kind i cant be forgotten. The supervisor is always delighted to see me. It is the other lead manager who continues to change rules to fit image of his favorites.

Yesterday for the first time i did a large amouny over quota. I knew cause i kept track. I saw him checking quota and then told his favorites, “stick around after i will tell ur quotas then” i knew he didnt want them to know that i was at top score and i am the one they bully. I been keeping track of days in which he doesnt reveal scores and mention he is not going to. It is always a day when i score high as them or more. Also the people he claims are scoring high are not even doing the same work, has less work.
I alsp notice the our box delivery guy is cool wit them and is hand picking what boxes go to who. I caught him 3 times passing me up to give boxes to the favorites. I open my box and it is also the more complicated ones with the folders. He can see on his screen the box type.

I am one of the trainers yet i am not included in meetings like the others are. His favorites have outright insulted me and once we got in an heated argueme t cause i was not in the mood for their smart remarks at me even though i am not talking to the..

We have a rule in which we do not reveal whose box it is to auditors, cause it can cause sabotage if a person knows who it is and has issues with u. All the boxes are blindly checked.

Well the manager flat out said “this is her box” to the head bully. The bully then made up errors. I know this cause they were errors i never make and not even a new perspn would make cause they are so easy to understand to avoid. One was a large blue signature across a page, he claims i missed 3 times.he kept announcing to staff errors i made that i didnt make and he kept exaggerate something i did in which i was never trained not to do.
I even asked him to stop and he said he is focusing on bad with me. The entire staff heard this show down. When i approached manager to tell him about bully even though he was in room.
He even claimed to have taught me the errors i made, and he never taught me how to do them right cause he was not my trainer.

Yet again boss said nothing and let the abuse go down in front of staff

This was when supervisor and other manager was on vacation.

I also notice suddenly one of their head guys keep watching me as i work.

My seat has been moved away from lead bully and yet he comes over to my seat, and i notice he looks at my box number every time. Sometime he says rude things when he comes over to my seat.

Now his other favorites has decided to bully me to. One flat out said “i wish she would shut up” when i went to help the girl i trained. I told boss and again he excused her behavior.

Now my seat is being moved to a cubicle beside the lead auditor.
I get the feeling to isolate me more and over load me with work since all the boss are seated right infront of me. They did this before when i was seated near the bully.

So now everyone will be talking and laughing sometime and the few people who enjoy my jokes and mind benders, they are no where near me now.

I finally had a meeting with manager asking him if he likes me because i dont feel liked or by certain people.
He never said he liked me but he did mentioned how good worker the bully is. Yet again, the bully does not make his quota, but once a week. He is also put in roles to supervise yet he came in with the dame position as everyone else. When the supervisor had me do some assistant work, one of the bullyinh staff members, ignored me and refuse to give me her work. The supervisor actually had to reach for it.

There is not one day in which i am not bullyed on my job.

I get compliments on work sent to the manager and he doesnt tell me.

Yet again, staff and others have commented on how good i trained and said they told manager.

I went to my recruitor, and hiring manager, and they was appalled. They told me to keep them updated. I havent told them its been going on an additional 2 weeks.
The hiring manager did call the floor manager right away. Where i live discrimination and bullying toward minority is a major issues and can really bring organization for rights to ur company.

I will be leaving within 30 days if things dont change, i refuse to take it anymore.
My hiring manager will understand, she is seriousely outragef by this because she knows my excellence in data entry and that i am kind