December 27, 2009

its got bike and its got porn, but it aint really bike porn

What we have here seems to be a fairly common straight, male bike mechanic fantasy. There are multiple attractive women providing attentive service to standard looking guys whom we assume are taking a break from their job of repairing bikes. Getting to have an orgy while on the clock? WOW! SOUNDS GREAT!

So why does it come off so boring?

Sure there is a lack of caring about the characters, but that is pretty much the standard operating procedure. There must be something more that is wrong. Post your ideas below. How would you make this bike porn better? Can it be made better? Is it salvageable at all?

Warning, NSFW (duh) and also not really very good.

The painfully obvious answer will be announced next week. We hope that someone will guess it.

there was a lack of creativity throughout/inout/in/out. SLAP! This is standard porn where I come from, just in a bike shop. Maybe if this was done on a tricycle during recess in the snow. Then I would have left handed to it.

What's that big yellow thing that just barely comes into shot on the RH side about 2 minutes in? Some kind of rain cover for a 'bent?

People have already pointed out the problems. I'll just say that they really should have made more of the helmet/protection gag. Timing is everything in comedy and that was too short. The tag-off was not very funny and it also cemented the mood of this being a bad job for the women and "I love my job" from the one guy. Power imbalance but not fun. This nameless guy? Lots of little problems that don't have to be problems but are because the whole thing is soulless and not really sex positive or bike positive.

Bike Smut is...

At first you may not see the connections between sex and cycling. Some are attracted to the sleek designs, some champion the liberation of women, (eg how bikes put pants on women) while others think bikers are hot and want to fuck them.

We can help.

Our program of short, DIY bike pornography is specially designed to provide you the tools to meet, converse and potentially reach orgasm with bikers in your area!

We endorse:

joyful exploration,

shameless flirtation,

and radical honesty.

Movies are a powerful medium, but even more impressive is what creative ideas come from a community gathering to appreciate the cause of better sex and better transportation! Workshops, dance parties, lectures and discussion groups, potlucks, craft nights, naked/underwear bike rides, and more take part in bettering your community by helping to define obscenity for yourself...