Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Boss-speak Bingo

The BBC site has a fun article about the most awful management-speak phrases (from reader submissions). (It is accompanied by a pdf "Boss-Speak Bingo" card (pictured, right). There is also a related and fun column by Lucy Kellaway.)

The list begins with:

#1: "When I worked for Verizon, I found the phrase going forward to be more sinister than annoying. When used by my boss - sorry, "team leader" - it was understood to mean that the topic of conversation was at an end and not be discussed again."Nima Nassefat, Vancouver, Canada

#2 - "My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really."Anonymous, England

Read the whole article. It's worth it.

They didn't include my particular personal pet peeves, which are probably too old for anyone to care anymore:

1. Turning nouns into verbs. The BBC article includes "actioning" on their list, and I'm afraid that I'll probably be hearing more of that one in the near future. But they don't include the use of the noun, "task," as a verb. As in, "I've been tasked with dialoguing with you to directive you to stop verbing nouns going forward at this moment in time[1]."

2. "Grow" as an active verb. As in "By advertising strategically, we can grow our business." No, you can increase your business, you can expand your business, you can improve your business, but you cannot grow your business. Unless your business is a vegetable, facial hair, an African violet or mildew. Call me old-fashioned, but seeing/hearing this bad habit in others grows disgust and irritation in me.

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[1] As opposed to what? "This moment in space?" "This moment in Fresno?"