Reader’s Dilemma: How Important Is It That I Like the Same Things As My Boyfriend?

In honor of Dear Abby, let's dole out some wisdom to a reader having a little boyfriend issue. Wait, which of us around here are actually wise? Well, whatever, let's try...

She writes:

"My boyfriend has been annoyingly persistent about me taking an interest in his interests. For the most part I'm willing to try things he's into, like different video games, but sometimes they're just not my style. Now he wants me to have a greater interest in some manga books that he loves. I am an avid reader, but I more into non-fiction and romance books. I gave one of his books a try and I still don't like it.

The thing that annoys me is that we do have plenty in common, but when there is something that he likes and I'm not really into, he will pester me and complain about how I'm not really making an effort to take an interest in his life. It just makes me want to pull my hair out and scream! I mean, there are things (book series, certain video games and movies) that I love but I know aren't really his thing so I don't push them on him. Why can't he be the same way? I think it would be great if he loved the Harry Potter series as much as I do, but it’s no sweat off my back that he doesn't. What's upsetting me the most is that it feels like he's trying to force me to like what he likes and therefore trying to change who I am. Please help me, I'm worried that I'm going to let the anger get the best of me and I'll end up saying something that will hurt his feelings which I would never want to do because he is a great guy."

What I lack in wisdom I make up for in snap judgments, and my reaction to this is: Ew, this is so annoying! You’re absolutely right that it shouldn’t be a big deal if you guys have some different interests or tastes as long as you care about each other and have enough in common to make the relationship work. Trying new things is always good for both of you, and sure, if Star Wars is his most beloved movie since childhood, it would be nice if you would watch it with him once in a while, and at least admit it’s entertaining (much like you probably don’t want him saying Harry Potter is stupid, even if it's not his favorite) (which is blasphemy, of course). But aside from not insulting the things that are near and dear to each other's heart, I don’t see any reason why you have to read all the same books or play the same sports as long as you each respect the other’s opinions, even when you disagree.

If I had to guess, I would think your boyfriend has some deep-seated insecurities going on, and therefore thinks if you disagree with him about a movie or something, you’re somehow insulting him or implying he has bad taste. To combat that the next time he starts giving you crap about not taking an interest in his life, I would say something like this: "I love you, but that doesn't mean we have to love all the same things. It's fun to introduce each other to new stuff, but it's really important to me to have my own interests too." If he persists, ask him why this is such a big deal to him. Maybe if he can explain it to you, you guys can get to the root of what's bugging him and why he feels this need to control your interests, and figure out a way for him to let it go. If not though...I'm sorry to say, but you might need to snap and hurt his feelings, because frankly, it should hurt YOUR feelings that a guy who cares about you doesn't want to let you be you.

Is it important to you or your guy that the two of you like the same things? What would you do in our reader's shoes? Should she take more of an interest in her guy's hobbies, or should he back off and let her be?