BiBs 2017 Finalist – Inspire

There are many things in life that I strive to be – a loving Mother, a good wife and daughter, a true friend. Yet of all the things that we can be, I think one of the greatest things in life is to be an inspiration.

As a Mummy of five, I try very hard, not only to be a good role model to my children but, to inspire them daily. Two years ago when I started writing my blog I did it with the aim that one day, in many, many, years to come, my children may look back on our memories and find inspiration, not only in my successes but also in my failings.

It took me a long time to realise that you can be an inspiration without the need for perfection. Sitting here at 37 with a failed marriage behind me, a lengthy record of mental illness, a thousand different mistakes and many more regrets, I am far from perfect.

I have never denied the fact that during the darkest moments of my life, when we lost fifteen much wanted babies to miscarriage or our precious son Joseph to stillbirth, when I battled it out in an eating disorders unit and struggled to cope with post natal depression, I couldn’t see a way forward. I reached a point where I was completely lost and uninspired.

Even now, having survived the worst of times, I am surprised when others commend me on my positive attitude to life, especially when I am still so often blinded by my own sadness and grief. I am stunned when I am told that my story has helped others, despite my struggles with anxiety and self doubt. And I am speechless to learn that friends, family, and complete and utter strangers, consider me an inspiration, tell me that my story has inspired them, and that during the darkest moments of their lives, they have been comforted by the story of mine.

Yesterday I received the news that I have been named as a finalist for the BiBs 2017 blogging awards in the category of “Inspire”, and never for one moment did I assume that I would receive a nomination, let alone make it as a finalist! I have been so touched by the reactions from other bloggers, those whom I love and admire, who tell me, “I nominated you!”, “You deserve this!”, and the most wonderful message from a blogging friend of mine who wrote, “You are an ordinary person who has done extraordinary things.”

Although I will always struggle to believe that others see me in this way, what I do believe is that there is so much of the extraordinary in the ordinary moments.

And these days, when I look into the eyes of my children, the four rainbows in my arms and precious little Joseph in my heart, I am filled with inspiration. If I do nothing else in this life, I have already achieved so much. I have my family, I have hope and I have happiness, and that is something that I will continue to share so readily.

I find it extremely difficult to ask for votes in situations like this. I am of the belief that if you win something you should do that through hard work, not popularity; and if somebody votes for you it should be because they believe you deserve it, not because you have asked them to. So in that way I won’t solicit your votes, nor will I fool you into thinking that I deserve to win any more than the wonderful and inspirational bloggers in my category, but I will leave the link here and, should you wish to, I would be very grateful of your support.

Regardless of who takes home the prize at the end of the Summer, regardless of whether I am hailed the most inspirational blogger of 2017 or not, it doesn’t matter. The fact that somebody, even if just one of you, finds inspiration in my posts, I’m happy with that. If someone who is struggling with mental illness reaches out and asks for help, that’s the most I could ask for. If a grieving Mother or Father finds hope in my story, then I’ll take that and I’ll run with it.

Because for me, being inspirational isn’t about winning; it’s about sharing the highs and the lows, sharing a little happiness and hope, sharing the moments that have restored my faith in miracles, the fact that despite so much tragedy and heartache, I am exactly where I am meant to be.

Being a finalist is a huge honour but I can’t take the credit for this personally. This one is for the biggest inspiration in my life – my beautiful children Lewis, Eva, Megan and Harry, and the most perfect little boy who inspires me every single day.

You’re real and that’s why I love your posts. Especially your fab Instagram pics and captions. I can tell how pleased from this, it’s so lovely and I wish you all the luck in the world! We can have a nice glass of wine together on the night at the ceremony x

First, Congratulations! and I am so happy reading this because you are a positive, inspiring and awesome mom. All of your children are so blessed to have you. I have voted for you as well. http://www.clairebearblogs.com

Well I did nominate you but in another category. Who cares, you got shortlisted and it would have been a crime if you hadn’t. How you pulled this amazing post together so fast is beyond me. Best of luck lovely.

Ahh thank you so much Prabs, I am still so shocked! Haha I know, I realised that the voting window was very small and as cringeworthy as I find it to write anything like this, I just went with it, I suppose you have to! Good luck to you! xxx

This nomination is so well deserved. As someone who has also suffered from PND, Anxiety and experienced miscarriage you are incredibly inspiring. Your strength after so many difficult times is wonderful. Best of luck with the awards xxx

I was so pleased when I saw your name on the list! You are a brilliant blogger and truly inspirational! You have such a wonderful gift for crafting words to capture the moments and feelings so perfectly. Congratulations on being a finalist! #stayclassymama

I voted for you already. I absolutely adore your blog and you really are an inspiration. You are such a lovely mum and you have such a beautiful family. I also find you so honest and your awareness posts have really helped me in the past. xx

Ahhh thank you so much Chloe. That’s so lovely of you to say!! I always struggle with something like this as I’m not sure I will ever feel “worthy”, but when it comes to Joseph I will give it my best shot…although the competition is SO tough! xxx

Laura, this is simply the best. So many congratulations! Yes, you’ve had struggles, and that has to be why so many people nominated you .. because you’re an inspiration. It’s ok to simply let it wash over you and to be happy. Nicely done .. so nicely done!

Congratulations – I so pleased for you. I think it is wonderful when people use their experiences and mistakes along the way to help and inspire others because none of us are perfect. You should be so proud!

I’m so proud of you my wonderful friend. You know I nominated you and you 100% get my vote! You inspire me every single day and my life would be greyer without you in it. We will share a glass of something sparkly tomorrow to celebrate xx

Just beautifully, beautifully said. You are such an inspiration and Joseph would have been so so proud of you, Laura xx congratulations my lovely and I can’t wait to meet you in September xx #postsfromtheheart

My wife has struggled with various mental illnesses for the last 7 years; from depression to anxiety, and agorophobia to anorexia. She had to be submitted as an inpatient for 5 months, away from her children and all the people she loved. The reason why you and she inspire me every day, is that at no point, no matter how overwhelmingly enticing it may have been, you and she didn’t succomb. Unlike the 3 people who killed themselves or died while she was on the ward, you and she managed to hold on to hope and belief that there was a way out, and kept moving forward. You don’t have to rule the world, or win sporting accolades to inspire someone, it’s those little acts of courage, in the face of absolute adversity, that inspire others. #GlobalBlogging

Oh this made me so emotional, I am so sorry to hear about your wife but what a strong, courageous woman she sounds. I spent time as an in patient also and witnessed several of my friends in the hospital take their own life or die as a result of their mental illness, and it was horrific. I think you are totally right, inspiration is so much more than we believe it to be. The people who inspire me are the ones who keep going, even when it’s really tough, and who show kindness and compassion even when they are struggling so much with their own issues. Thank you so much for a lovely comment and sending love and strength to you and your wonderful wife. xxx

So very well deserved – your blog is truly inspirational and I wish you all the luck in the world. I’m up for Fresh Voice so I really hope I will meet you at the awards ceremony. I’m just flabberghasted that I made it this far but over the moon. We can have a few glasses of fizz whatever happens! #postsfromtheheart

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WELCOME!!

Hi, my name is Laura. Blogger, wife and Mummy to five very special children - Lewis 13, Eva 5, Megan 4, Harrison 3 and Joseph who lives forever in our hearts. I write about the ups and downs of family life, co-parenting, love, loss, and the subjects close to my heart - stillbirth, miscarriage and chronic illness. It's a pleasure to share it with you all.