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Archive for June, 2009

Lance had to leave last night. I’m looking at sheer loneliness for the next three or four days. I know, I have Things To Do, like cook for myself and clean up after myself, and start to pack things… and I DVR’ed three episodes of Sixteen and Pregnant, one new episode of Make It Or Break It and most of the first season of In Treatment… but woman cannot live on TV and chores alone!

I’ve been skipping the gym in favor of quality time with this lady

but I might have to go in, just to kill some hours.

I’m lonely.

Good thing Betsy’s coming home this weekend to entertain me.

Reason #2: I miss the ocean

One of my housekeeping duties this week is to diligently water my smallest sister’s vegetable patch. It was nice out on Sunday, so I decided to sit by the sprinkler and read a book.

It was nice.

It reminded me of being by the ocean.

Except, like… the poor man’s version of sitting by the ocean.

Reason #3: I miss my family

Twittorial Evidence they are having fun without me:

CarolineTackett: Too hot, I love it.

CarolineTackett: Regina Spektor and This Lullaby. Not bad.

CarolineTackett: I’m up. Off to the beach later. Maybe. I hope.

CarolineTackett: My elbow is cold! And I’m watching In & Out with my family.

CarolineTackett: @D_O_R_O_T_H_Y is sitting on me. What a horrible child!

CarolineTackett: Singing a song about taking pills and being sad for @D_O_R_O_T_H_Y

I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, Jessica, you must be really codependent because these tweets sound exactly like ones that would occur whether Caroline was on vacation without you or sitting next to you on the couch.”

Well, that’s how we Tackett’s do vacation! It’s Fun Family Time with 6 times the Goofy. Being trapped in a car for many hours of the day leads to lots of singing – singing along with a musical soundtrack, forcing Caroline and Dorothy to sing a two-part harmony folk song medley they sang, separately, in fourth grade, or making up our own. There are jokes to be had – last year, we made up some vacation-only slang, a few phrases to repeat and giggle about. The only one I can remember?

Growing a Lemon Tree – The act of peeing.

example: “Man, Jessica’s had so many refills on her Diet Coke, bet she’s gonna have to grow a lemon tree before we leave.”

or, more commonly,

“Hold on. I have to grow a lemon tree.”

Yeah, buddy. There is fun stuff going on and I’m missing out. Harumph.

Reason #4: I miss MooMoo

Three summers ago, I met a friend named MooMoo. He’s a flat, green frog that lives on the drainpipe on the side of my grandpa’s house. He was there for a few days – I stopped to say hi whenever I was going in or out – but then he disappeared. I was worried. I didn’t see him again.

Next year, I looked for him again. He wasn’t there. He was lost and gone forever.

Until one day, he was back!

And if you were paying attention to my sister’s tweets, MooMoo has returned once again! An old friend by now, we are always happy to see him.

This is the first summer that I will miss saying hi to him.

Reason #5: I won’t get to play Scrabble with my Grandpa.

As you may recall, I had a bit of a Facebook Lexulous problem recently. Although my opponents have dwindled to just Lance (and we aren’t quite as… uh… competitive as we once were), I was still eagerly anticipating the chance to play a little Real Live Scrabble with someone who plays enough Scrabble that they would understand all my Scrabble Jokes and also who I probably wouldn’t be able to beat.

My grandpa would be the only person I know to fit that description.

Reason #6: I won’t get to use my Grandpa’s credit card

Yeah, I’m a horrible person. I’m also a horribly broke person who looks forward to her vacation because her Incredibly Generous Grandparents insist she go out and buy a few nice things, as a gift.

Call me a greedy bastard, whatever.

Reason #7: I won’t get to try my best at getting the very-tiniest-bit tan

After enough terrible sunburns to win me a Most Likely To Contract Skin Cancer award, I’ve given up on any hardcore tanning efforts. It’s painful, dangerous, and not all that effective.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t like a little sun. Even compared to the rest of the world I’m white as a sheet…. *I* can tell when I’m lightly toasted brown, dammit!

And plus, then I can use all of my fun tanning products! When you are as ghostly white as I, you don’t dare touch a self-tanning product unless you already have a little toasty brown undercoat, otherwise you will become The Incredible Orange Streaked Woman, so yes, I usually go to the beach first before my tanning endeavors begin.

Bath and Body Works has the best stuff. I’ve accumulated a small collection:

You start with Glow and Steady. It’s an SPF 15 with a self-tanner. Helps your tan along so you get results faster and don’t accidentally fry yourself.

Once you’re at a comfortable tanning place, then you can move on to Strike Gold. It’s an self-tanner with a bronzer, so you can put it on when you’re not tanning and look all sparkly and sun-kissed. The one I have is just a bronzer and an SPF 30, so it’s better, but this one’s fun too. P.S. The palms of your hands will turn to gold, so beware!

After arriving home from your vacation, you can move on to the heavy stuff. Shade To Order has a clicky thing so you can choose how much self-tanner you want. It’s still a “Gradual Tan” product, so it mixes with lotion – less likely you’ll become the IOSW – but still hardcore.

I have all of these products, among others (like a bottle of Orange Glitter Spray to “Enhance your tan” but inevitably sprays all over your clothing and makes a mess) AND I CAN’T USE ANY OF THEM!

Reason #8: If I was on vacation, I wouldn’t have to go to work.

I’m supposed to maturing – growingup, growing an appreciation for Working, Developing My Work Ethic, all sorts of other nonsense my dad babbles at me from time to time.

The second movie was me and my sister. She made me sit and wait until after the final credits even though I didn’t want to.

The third movie we saw at midnight. I may have fallen asleep.

The fourth I almost didn’t get to see – I was still at school when it was released, I had to go back early. But one fateful night in my lonely apartment, Heather Roommate came up to my room and asked, “Um… do you want to go see Harry Potter?” and we were the only people in the theater.

Number five was two summers ago, and we bribed my dad with popcorn so he’d take us.

There are very few moments in my life when I feel that all is right with the world.

Most of those moments occur directly before or after sleep.

Everything’s in flux right now. When I’m awake, there are decisions to make, things to think about, choices to second guess. Third guess. Two hundred and twenty-fifth guess. So when I’m not working and not decision making, I’m in some stage of zoning out. This makes me a very uninteresting person, I’m afraid. I’m pretty sure nobody wants to talk to me anymore.

This will probably go on for some time.

In July, I’m going to Chicago for a day, driving to Boston and back, taking a week off work to start packing/getting rid of stuff, and working 30 hours a week in the meantime.

In August I’ll be finishing up in Michigan and moving. So many details are up in the air that I can’t even worry myself over them individually. Just thinking about the word AUGUST is enough to ruin my lunch.

In September, I’ll be going back to school. Figuring out how to survive in a new city. Getting a job. Freaking out. Et cetera.

I am too tired right now to think straight. So tired it’s kind of exhausting to lift my coffee cup to my lips. In lieu of a Real Post in which I share Real Thoughts and Real Things, here are some hot girls.

In my humble, straight-female, opinion.

IMS-FO for short.

Kat Dennings

Zooey Deschanel

Anne Hathaway.

So I have a type. Whatever. I’ve also been watching a ton of Grey’s Anatomy, for whatever estrogen-laden reason, and I’ve kinda got the hots for Izzie.

I think it was that one scene from Season One when everyone’s gossiping about her being a swimsuit model and she just rips off her shirt and yells at everyone. Although that might change since SPOILER ALERT!!! I’m at the point she’s starting chemo and is going to be all cancery until she flatlines. THAT’S hot…

+ The Boy finally gets all his annoying teacher crap together and starts applying for jobs.

+ I get a blog comment from a future classmate that reminds me that I’m not the only person in the world making a crazy decision to move across the country just so I can pay someone A LOT of money to go to school. People do scary things every day, not just me. Things usually turn out okay.

+ Dates are firmed up for mid-July trip. Next step – hotel reservations.

+ I came home from work on Friday and BOOM! MY SISTER IS HOME FROM CAMP!! AAAHH!!

+ My dad inquired about his health insurance, and I am covered until I turn 25 (March of 2010) and then for REMAINDER OF THE CALENDAR YEAR. I have free health insurance until January of 2011.

+ I got an email from my school in regards to a Fellowship I applied for, and they seem very interested. Which means that in the Fall, I could be receiving another $1000 scholarship as well as 20 hours a week in hourly wages… working with Honors Undergrads. Leading social events. The phrase Book Club was bandied about. And she’s totally okay with having an interview DURING my little Boston trip.

I mean, it’s not the BEST book I’ve read. It’s not one I ran out to by the day it was published, like this one. It’s not one that I can safely say will change my life, like this one. It’s not one I will read, re-read, and clutch to my chest when I turn the last page, every time, like this one.

It’s not the BEST book. It’s the best KIND of book.

It’s the kind of book that I enjoy reading – the plot is interesting, the characters are likeable and I give a crap about them, the story is generally… good!

It’s the kind of book that is similar to what I like to write – typically realistic fiction taking place in average high schools, smart-girl narrators, kind of romancey but not overly so, older-ya audience.

But I read a lot of books like that. So what makes this one different?

It’s the kind of book that’s not SO good that I stand in awe, drooling over it’s amazingness. – like this one, this one, or this one.

Drool-worthy books are great. They are awesome. I read a lot of them, and I recommend them to people all the time, and I read and re-read and read again. Occasionally, I hunker down and try to STUDY one of these awesome wonders but it’s hard work to pay attention to the writing style and the author’s choices because… well… they’re just so GOOD.

If I Stayisn’t a masterpiece.

So I’m not 100% engaged in the story. This is a good thing, because my mind is free to analyze the writing. My mind says, “Oh, that sentence was a little cliche. If I was writing this book, I’d probably not do that.” My mind says, “Wow, that was a good moment. I like how she wrote that little bit there,” or, “Wow, that scene was ridiculously cheesy.”

Basically,

If I Stay is the kind of book that I KNOW I could out-write. I could write a better book.

And the icing on the cake?

It’s the kind of book that is a book I could have written, a book I could write,

I am finally feeling okay today. Monday was okay. Tuesday I could barely walk (thank YOU Jillian Michaels). Wednesday I could barely walk and I kept injuring myself due to lack of mobility. Thursday night I came home from work feeling like hell. Friday I woke up with a weird-migrainey feeling – Excedrin kicked the headache for most of the day but I was nauseous until I went to bed.

Woke up feeling fine.

Miracle.

I started the 30 Day Shred on Monday, but really failed at keeping it up. I think I’m well enough to go to the real gym today, as well as make my 20 minute date, and that makes me happy.

Discouraged about moving. Quarreling with my boyfriend about it. It’s not that I want to bitch and moan about it. I’m excited. I really am. But the excitement is buried DEEP under all of the obnoxious, painful details that need to be squared away, and there’s only so many of them I can handle at this time.

And the ones I can take care of? I’m hesitant.

I could sign up for classes now. But wouldn’t that mean I’d be billed at some point? Wouldnt that mean I’d have to set up my student loans? So I email the right people and they don’t really answer my questions. Which sucks, but I get an idea of what I’m up against. I complete my Loan Entrance Counselling. I’m put face to face with the scary idea that I’m going to be 50,000 dollars in debt, PLUS INTEREST.

That number covers tuition. Not books. Not rent. Not food, heat, parking, bus passes, water, cable. Just tuition.

I’m shaking in my gd boots.

I’m going to Boston in July with the boyfriend and my mother, to scout out apartments.

I need a hotel reservation. I need to make appointments to talk to the proper advisers to get my classes set up. I need to make sure the boyfriend can actually COME with us. I need to figure out how to look at least… I don’t know… three apartments that I can afford (aka dirt cheap) in a small space of time.

This is probably why I felt like crap for the past few days. My stomach is starting to ache even now just thinking about it. My parents bring it up and I leave the room. I bring it up with the boyfriend, and I’m either Worrying Too Much or Lecturing. There’s nothing I can do except stew, it looks like.

Or watch TV. Knocked back season 4 of Grey’s Anatomy this week and now have the latest How I Met Your Mother (YES!)

And I’m at work the majority of the time. Today is the 5th day running, tomorrow off, back for Monday and Tuesday. I know I work part time, but with a commute it adds up fast. I’m in the car. I’m at work. I’m asleep. I’m freaking out. Little time remains.

It’s not on my List of Summer Movies, but my family might take me to see Up. Tonight or tomorrow.

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver is SO GOOD and getting me in the mood to garden, to shop at my farmer’s market, and eat lots of fresh produce.

The History of Love by Nicole Krauss is my gym book this summer. So far, it is sweet and reminiscent of Everything Is Illuminated, which is a high compliment.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins is the YA Book Everyone’s Talking About (including my mom, my boyfriend, and Stephen King). I’m not really into action-thrillers, but I do love me a good dystopia, and I’m surprisingly engaged.

I Was Told There’d Be Cake by Sloane Crosley is a collection of pop-culturey personal essays from a girl who could be me. I’m having mixed feelings about this one. Maybe because it’s been a fairly popular, well-recieved book and… well… based on writing skills and essay topics, I seriously could have written this book.

The eagerly anticipated sequels…

Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen is pretty much a guaranteed win. Dessen’s books always have a floaty, summery feel. This one looks especially promising.

The Treasure Map of Boys by E. Lockhart is one I’ve been looking forward to for… um… 2+ years? I love Ruby Oliver, I really do. I’ve missed her.

Intensely Alice by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor is already out and I’m TRYING to get my hands on it… even though he’s left for college (do 3 year high school programs even EXIST?), I hope Patrick and Alice get back together. The cover looks like love will be in the air! I am such a sucker for teen romance, I swear. It’s almost disgusting.

The re-reads…

Summer Sisters by Judy Blume. My faithful summer standby. I really do like this book more with every read.

Sold by Patricia McCormick. I read this a few summers ago, and for some reason I think I’m ready to read it again. It’s a hard book to read, but SO good and SO important.

The brand new-reads…

Perfect You by Elizabeth Scott looks like a fluffy romantic-fest, which I am certainly in the mood for.

Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott is one I haven’t read yet, but I have loved every bit of Lamott I’ve ever read, so I have high hopes.

The Spellbook of Listen Taylor by Jaclyn Moriarty has been sitting on my shelf for FAR too long. It’s looking a little dense, but I think it will pick up.

The attempts to better myself culturally…

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquezis surely one of those books Everyone Should Read. I hope.

Selected Poems by William Carlos Williams. Does anyone have enough poetry in their lives? Maybe I’ll read a few each day to spread it out.