I always believed optimism was something only endlessly happy people had mastered; whereas, pessimism was the gift of the constantly miserable. After all, it’s easy to have a happy outlook on the future when you are already happy.

But what if your state of happiness and, in fact, the outcome of your life all depend on you? If your state of happiness is a direct result of your state of mind, then who’s to say we are not in control of how happy we choose to be on a daily basis?

It can be argued that if you think good things will happen, they will. But if you constantly expect the worst, that’s what you will get.

When we wake up in the morning, our attitude forms the catalyst for a sequence of events which determine the outcome of the rest of our day. Even the smallest shift in your emotions can be the difference between a good day and a bad one.

The problem is that, quite often, our emotions are ruled by the wrong things. Our minds become preoccupied by various issues, which seem like the center of our universe at the time, but in the large scheme of things, they can be quite unimportant.

If life is a puzzle, then remember every day is just one little piece. Even if one tiny puzzle piece doesn’t make perfect sense on its own, we have to assume it’s an important part of the bigger picture.

In failing that, when seeking your inner optimism, try to remember:

1. Everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes the reason is you are a moron and make terrible decisions. Other times, terrible things happen through no fault of your own. Although you can’t see it at the time, these things tend to have a larger purpose.

Being broken up with might lead you to the best relationship of your life. Missing a promotion might send you knocking on a different door, a better one.

Even the awful mistakes that have no obvious silver lining end up acting like life lessons, which save us from making the same mistake at a more important point in our lives.

2. Life only gives you as much as you can handle.

A tough situation won’t be the end of you. A terrible day, week or month won’t break you.

Imagine that tough times are kind of like sprinting on a treadmill: You’re exhausted and it would be so much easier to just give up, go home and lie down, but if you persevere and get to the end, you’ll be proud you made it.

3. Happiness is a choice.

Find something to be happy about in the morning. Anything.

Be happy that your eyeliner looks symmetrical; be happy that your boss is in a morning meeting and you don’t have to see him until after twelve. Be happy it’s almost Friday or your squats are paying off.

There are always things that can bring us down if we let them — things that aren’t going quite right in our lives.

The difference between a happy person and a miserable person are the thoughts they choose to give room to in their minds.

4. Nothing is permanent.

Life is in a constant state of change. Sometimes, you might be trapped in a situation that you feel will last forever.

But even the least optimistic person logically knows that nothing stays the same. No one has ever lived a life of only highs or only lows. The point is to appreciate the good times when you have them and not to let the bad times rule your life.

Sometimes, various situations consume us. They take over our minds and we become convinced we won’t be happy again. We can’t understand why things never go our way or why we never get the things we truly want.

Often, a year down the line, you won’t believe you were so upset about something which seems so trivial now.

5. You always have the final say.

There are a hundred different possible outcomes in your life, but these outcomes are not random. You get the final say in how your life turns out. You choose your career, your friends, your partners and with whom you share your life.

We don’t control everything, but we still control a hell of a lot. So stop blaming the “universe” or “bad luck” on how your life is turning out and take some control back.

If you’re not happy about something, change it. If you genuinely can’t change it, then trust that everything will be okay in the end.

I can’t promise you that it’ll look the same way you imagined, but believe it or not, it doesn’t always have to.

I have been advised by my daily horoscope to take a break. Not that I needed an Oracle to tell me that. And not that I much believe in Star Signs either, but due to a complete lack of any personal wisdom I thought I’d seek outside help.

I’ve never been a believer in fate, I think we make our own decisions, and the relevant outcomes are ones we inadvertently chose. That being said, I’ve been hoping that perhaps (for maybe the first time ever) I might be wrong.

If someone could convince me that everything happens for a reason, then I wouldn’t have to worry so much, about all the choices I have miscalculated. Wouldn’t it be nice, if instead of regretting the things which go wrong, we can just assume that if they were meant to be, they would.

I’d definitely sleep better at night if I could just conclude that things happen because they’re meant to, and I have no actual control, just the illusion of it. Because the alternative, that things aren’t all tied up in fate, and that we make our own luck, involves a lot more bravery than I think I can summon. If life is, as I had originally thought, unplanned, unscripted and just plain messy, then every tiny thing you or I do, effects the way we’ll end up.

Think about it.

Leaving 2 minutes later for work, can be the difference between a collision, and a morning spent listening to mediocre breakfast music. Smoking that cigarette can be the difference between living till 40 and living till 85. Applying for that job might be the line between survival and success. Going to this bar instead of that one is the difference between meeting someone, and never even knowing they existed. And telling someone how you feel could be the difference between being happy, and not.

If this doesn’t scare you, then maybe you could share some insight, because it sure as hell scares me.

I’ve never much believed in New Years Resolutions, mainly because the turning of the year is no more likely to get me on a treadmill than bikini season or my gym instructor’s scornful “I haven’t seen you here in months” eyes. So just to be clear these are not resolutions. It’s two weeks into 2012, so we can agree that I’ve definitely missed the resolution making portion of the year.

These are not so much ways to improve myself, and lets face it why would I want to (don’t answer that) but instead, more ways to ensure I don’t reach 2013 without a single thing to show for myself aside from that increasing Jack Daniels dependency. And shoes, far, far too many shoes.

1. Get a job, one which pays more than the most minimum of wages. As much as I love my mum, I can’t spend the next 27 years living at home, which incidentally is how long it would take me to put a deposit on the very shittiest of flats with my current salary.

2. Sky dive, or bungee jump, or take up aerobatic flying lessons or pretty much anything in this general category that is guaranteed to make me pee my pants a little bit. You’re never going to be amazed in life, unless you do some things, which are a little bit amazing.

3. Succeed in getting George Michaels “Faith” out of my head. It’s been stuck there for approximately 3 years, and whilst before it was bad, now it also comes with the accompanying dance moves compliments of J.D. No not the liquor, the character, in Scrubs.

4. Visit a county, where the rain is warm. Or perhaps before I get ahead of myself, I should aim to visit a country which is not Cypriot, Greek, Greek-Cypriot or any other variation which results in me eating Feta in the village tavern owned by Stelios.

5. Slow dance. Not jokingly. Not with my God-sister while drunk. Not with my dog (who for the record does an excellent Waltz) and not with my fingers on the steering wheel whilst bored in traffic.

The list could go on. A result of a very unproductive 2011 no doubt, I am left with a million and one things I was always meant to, but never quite got around to doing. I guess I could add teaching my dad how to text to the list and losing that last pound that just won’t budge from my thighs, but like I said these’s aren’t resolutions, and I am not a miracle worker.

I can’t cry during Titanic. Can’t being the operative word because I’ve actually tried.

And it’s not just Titanic. I sit through every heart wrenching film the Odeon has to offer, next to my best friend who’s going through Kleenex like tears are back in fashion, and I’m just sitting there thinking… please just give me one tear, just one little tear. But alas, nothing.

It’s not that I never cry, I mean the check-out boy at KFC who gave me the wrong order once is testimony to that. It’s more that I seem to have accidentally trained my body to recognize it as a sign of weakness. It falls into the same category as all those other things normal girls should be able to do, but I find such a challenge. Like say the L word (to someone, anyone other than my dog). Or text a guy first. Or bloody hell even hug my friends without thinking, “Okay get off me now, I’m patting your back, why aren’t you getting the hint, everyone knows the back-pat is a sign to immediately remove yourself from me”.

Now I’ve put a lot of thought into this so hear me out… maybe it’s not me that’s the problem. Maybe it’s every other girl in the world with an overly developed level of sensitivity, making me look bad, and ruining all the hard work put in by women who have chosen to evolve past housewives.

They go around, telling guys how much they l*ve them after three weeks of dating, and cry on trains when they read a story in the Metro about a kitten being put in a dustbin and Lord save me, even update their statuses with quotes from The Notebook. But because there’s an actual army of them, instead of cringing, everyone’s got used to it, and dare I say it accepted this as the norm.

Then there’s me. And I think surely I haven’t got it so wrong.

So it takes me a little while to warm up to someone. Even if I really want to I can’t just go up to them and say “hell, I like you, wanna make out” (and jeez isn’t that the man’s job anyway?)

So I watch My Sisters Keeper and think “that’s so sad” instead of letting my the sadness run down my face. At least I can leave the cinema without mascara on my chin.

So I’m stubborn as hell and won’t admit it if nervous. Is that really the worst quality you can find in a girl?

Smile. No a little bit wider. Show me some teeth. Thatttts it. Feeling better already are you? What do you mean ‘no’? You mean to tell me that grinning and bearing it doesn’t make all your troubles go away? Well there goes my theory out the window.

So what exactly does make us happy? Bucket of chicken? Sometimes. Glass of wine, or in my case make that seven. That usually works. Falling in love? Unlikely to be honest, you spend half the time extatic and the other half suicidally depressed. Or maybe that’s just me again. Watching your team win a match? Though I’m not sure if that’s so much happiness as it is momentary elation.

Money might help. I know they say it doesn’t, but perhaps whoever these ‘they’ are have never owned an Audi R8. Don’t be under any illusion that I have, but take it from me I’d find it pretty hard to be depressed in one of those babies. Maybe I’m just more shallow than your average person (or more honest, I’m not sure).

Expensive cars aside however, I think we’ve got this happiness business all wrong. Most people seem to think we have to be happy all the time, well I personally can’t think of anything more exhausting. See what you’ve actually got to do is make sure you have enough good moments in life to out-balance the incredibly (excuse my language but it’s needed) shit ones.

These days everyone thinks to be happy we need to prove how great our lives are all the time. Its common knowledge if your facebook, twitter, bbm and linkedin statuses don’t indicate what a blast you’re having, the chances are you’re probably at home bored. And if you’re not, well everyone else thinks you are, so you might as well be.

Now call me crazy but maybe, just maybe if everyone spent a little more time living life instead of updating about it, we’d start noticing how great we’ve all really got it.

And what really makes me happy? The little things. Going to buy a pair of shoes and my debit card not being declined. A guy I like texting when he says he will. McDonald’s accidentally forgetting to charge me for my chips. Making my friends laugh, (with me, not at me). And of course, eating half the contents of my fridge and still being able to wear skinny jeans without it being ironic.