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There are 37 games left in this miserable season. With a record of 56-69, the Astros need to go 25-12 to reach .500. Come on now, stop laughing. It’s possible. Kind of. Maybe. Just like it’s possible Ashley Judd could leave her husband for me.

The Houston Press is a nationally award-winning, 28-year-old publication ruled by endless curiosity, a certain amount of irreverence, the desire to get to the truth and to point out the absurd as well as the glorious.