As today is also the birthday of my bestest friend Kate, I had to work that into the rhyme too – Happy Birthday Kate!

So without further ado, I give you:

Birthday cheese…

Tom looked in the mirror –
He was such a handsome fellow,
The only thing that bothered him
Was that his teeth were yellow.

He combed his hair most carefully
And straightened his cravat,
Then picking up a package
He skipped gaily out the flat.

Tom was off a-visiting
His sweetheart, name of Kate;
Today it was her birthday
And he couldn’t arrive late.

So balancing the package
‘Gainst the flange of his fedora,
He dashed off through the fields
Midst the fauna and the flora.

Meanwhile in the village
Kate was wearing something frilly;
Despite the heat she really hoped
She wouldn’t feel too chilly.

Looking at the clock
She gave a little jump of joy,
And hurried to get ready –
Tom such a punctual boy.

Back out in the fields
All was not quite well with Tom –
He began to get the feeling
That something was badly wrong.

The midday sun was beating down
It really was quite swelt’ring;
He realised the package on his head
Was quickly melting.

The contents of said package
Dripped down way below his knees,
And soon poor Tom was head to foot
In artisanal cheese.

Kate sat in the kitchen
Carefully lacing up her boots,
And glancing at the clock
She scoffed a few more Opal Fruits.

It wasn’t like her Tom
To be a single second late –
But just at that same moment
Came the creaking of the gate.

Opening the door
Poor Kate let out an awful yell –
It wasn’t just the sight
It was the dreadful cheesy smell!

“Don’t worry Kate, it’s only me!”
The apparition said,
“Your present has all melted
‘Cos I had it on my head!”

“Oh Tom!” gasped Kate,
“You poor old thing! You really do smell sour!”
And pulling him inside she said
“Let’s get you in the shower.”

Soon a clean and shiny Tom
With damp and tousled hair,
Stepped back into the room
And Kate just couldn’t help but stare.

“Good gracious!” she exclaimed
As Tom embraced his debutante
Said Kate in wonder, “But I thought
You were an xanthodont?”

Tom looked in the mirror
And was dazzled by the sight –
His nasty yellow teeth
Had turned a sparkly, shining white!

“Good Lord!” he said and bared his teeth
Which gleamed like shiny pins,
“It must have been the cheese –
I think I stirred it Widdershins!”

Soon Kate and Tom got married
And they opened up a shop;
And people came from miles around
To marvel at their stock.

And every night at bedtime
Kate would give her Tom a squeeze,
So proud that he’d invented
Artisanal Bleaching Cheese!

A big thank you to those that joined in by submitting a word (or three!) today! If you’d like to join in the next Crazy Rhymey Challenge, keep your eyes peeled on my Twitter feed for the #CrazyRhymeyChallenge hashtag.

*For the benefit of younger folk, Opal Fruits are those made-to-make-your-mouth-water sweeties now known as Starburst.