The World's Fakest News Source | Ed.8 | January 25, 2016

The Puffington Post

The World's Fakest News Source | Ed.8 | January 25, 2016

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SNOWMAGEDDON This weekend it didn't snow at all anywhere on the East Coast. No one was snowed in, no cars got stuck, and zero cases of frostbite in unsexy places were reported. Operations carried on as usual; delivery times actually decreased by 5-7 minutes across all five cities!...Thank you to everyone who stepped up and made it happen this weekend. The customers notice! #rally

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS ...and all of them are solutions. We are all smart, and not just because DJ Khaled said so. When faced with an issue, find a solution before relaying the problem. #wethebest

BEFORE a driver delivers, collect copies of:

License, car registration, car insurance, NDA, W-9.

(Buddha) Simon Says

"Be quick, don't stress. There's a lot going on, that's a good thing. If things were calm, that would be bad."

Philadelphia's hottest trend is...

goBeer magnets. Drivers MUST use them while delivering (cops will check for it) & leave them in the warehouse after shift (or pay for losing/damaging it).

BEFORE a driver delivers, collect copies of:

License, car registration, car insurance, NDA, W-9.

(Buddha) Simon Says

"Be quick, don't stress. There's a lot going on, that's a good thing. If things were calm, that would be bad."

Philadelphia's hottest trend is...

goBeer magnets. Drivers MUST use them while delivering (cops will check for it) & leave them in the warehouse after shift (or pay for losing/damaging it).

Operations

HAPPY DRIVER = HAPPY CUSTOMERDrivers are the face of goPuff! They should take their work seriously, but be sure to create an environment they enjoy and want to be a part of. The happier our drivers are, the happier our customers are.

YOU'RE HIRED!Our team must constantly be growing to keep up with our operational growth. Always be looking for familial connections when hiring new people (friends, friends of friends, etc)!

TIME IS NEVER WASTED, WHEN YOU'RE...HELPING OUT IN THE WAREHOUSEDon't think about working in the warehouse as a chore. Think of it as clerical therapy*:

Customers with addresses in very close proximity/right next to our warehouse should always take priority. Blow their minds and take advantage of the fact that they can receive their order in 5 minutes!

Meet Your Coworkers!

Last week's poll revealed interesting results about the goPuff team. Here they are:

goPuff's male to female ratio is 6:1. Interestingly enough, 6% of us are Caitlyn Jenner.

We are not dry people, & therefore don't like dry sandwiches. Among our favorite condiments are ketchup and sriracha (hence the abundance of ketchup bottles lying around the office).

50% of us would prefer sudden death than have to confront the world with our Google search history.

Two of our co-founders (I won't name names) would want Marky Mark and Vinny Chase to play them in the movie version of their lives. Coincidence?

55% percent of us would rather give up cheese than oral sex, 18% would rather give up oral sex than cheese, and 27% find my lewd behavior via Google Forms unacceptable #sorrynotsorry.

If we weren't working at goPuff, we'd be: surfing in South Africa, still in high school, bartending, sleeping (finally), playing flamenco guitar, crying ourselves to sleep at night, still applying for jobs, ordering goPuff, touring the world, or...working for goPuff. Go figure.