Hello to whoever is reading this, I want to share with you a perspective I have come to practice in my everyday life. I’m not a big successful person in fact I work at a gas station day in and day out forever dealing with the rude inconsideration people stuffing dip in their mouth or bringing in their 100oz soda mugs two to three times a day and watching them waddle out the door sounding like they’re about to die of a heart attack at any moment which would force me to begrudgingly call 911 and sitting with them til the ambulance comes to haul their Mountain Dew laced body away. I make enough money to get by of course, I manage my workers and I keep my place as clean as humanly possible for a gas station. Not gonna lie, it’s a real doldrums of an existence.

So I bet you’re wondering about the title and what it means. Well as much as I go through the motions of living and working a job I really hate life. It’s boring, unfulfilling and depressing but the silver lining to all this woe is when I am able to get home, turn on my PS4 and boot up my MMO where my real joy lies. There I am a fast hard hitting Monk, a powerful White Mage keeping the party alive through rough dungeons, a Warrior, a Dark Knight, a Bard, a Summoner, a Paladin, I am whoever I need to be. I am a leader, a mentor, a person the newbies of the game look to for guidance. I may be nothing special in the outside world but in my game I have my real family. The people whom I have grown closer to, who make me smile when I’m depressed, who make me laugh and help shoulder my worries when they become to crushing to handle alone. Many I have never met in person but only have talked to them through my Teamspeak, but they mean more to me than anything. They add meaning to my life and keep me going even through the worst of times.

One particularly bad day consisted of rain and clouds in the sky and some nasty customers who darkened my stores doorway. He was a tall redneckish man with stunk of chew on his breath and hair so crusty you’d swear he hadn’t showered in weeks. We had had some trouble with a few diesel pumps and were in the process of fixing them. A sign was taped onto the pump with saying, “Out of order” but this person was apparently unable to read so he came barging into my store spitting and swearing about how low class the store was and how he was taking his business elsewhere and when I tried to calmly explain he just exploded with swear words and threats ending said conversation with the wish that I would kill myself. He left me standing there with my fellow employees look on in horror and admiration that I didn’t snap at this guys. Many commenting how they would have, “kicked his ass” but I knew better. They were always all talk but once they were actual confronted they’d call me for help and dissolve into tears and regret. It’s events like this that make me question if it’s worth it. I know I’m getting into dark territory now but I can’t be the only one who has felt this way, right? Anyway the reason I am telling you this event is to highlight why my game, my second life is so important to me. I can experience this nonsense from my fellow primates, die a little inside, go home and vent to my people. To my family. I’ve had more tears wiped away from them then I ever had from my real family. Growing I played with an Atari with my mom. After that I had a Sega Dreamcast, Nintendo, Nintendo 64, PS, PS2, PS3 and finally discovered the wonderful world of PC gaming! A whole new world of experiences and ever developing stories, characters, classes, both fighting and gathering. It was amazing and strangely fulfilling. But growing up comes with its own traumas and you can’t easily use a cure spell heal a broken heart or a protect spell to steel you against bulling or just wear and tear from dealing with people. In my late teens I got heavily into drinking and drugs. I felt empty and worn down.

I played my online games off and on for a few years until I was introduced a particularly addicting game. I spent many of my late night hours online play with my friends, making few new friends and suddenly my time was taken up I didn’t have any desire to mope about in a bar somewhere drinking til I couldn’t see straight. Over the years my bond with these people deepened. My enjoyment with the game never wavered and I felt like I had some purpose more than stewarding my gas station.

One day someone joined our guild and it changed my life. She and I played together for a time and when I worked up to courage I got on our games team speak and I heard her voice for the first time. It was high and squeaky due to terrible headset she was using and it just added to the adorableness of her personality. Over a year after talking to her there came an opportunity to meet her in person. I was afraid to show myself to her, so many doubt flooded my mind. You know when you talk to someone almost every day and then finally meet them in person? You stand there like an idiot not knowing what to say, awkwardly trying to think of something to say or do. I feared rejection. I feared our friendship wouldn’t survive a personal encounter, but they were all a waste of energy because when I saw her for the first time we both meshed so well that it felt like we we’re old lifetime friends seeing each other after a long absence.

So I know whoever is reading this may see how silly this shit is and how dumb my next words may be, but video games gave me purpose. I help and coach others, I found someone I can love and be with. Video games get a bad rap about how they are for lazy people, they destroy lives and cause violence in everyday folks, but video games, especially my MMORPG saved my life. I have a second life and it’s a good one.

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