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Manchester City press release!

Manchester City would like to confirm the sale of the club to kevv2204 due to sheik Mansour binmanhead returning to his native dubai to build ridiculessly expensive hotels that noone will visit, his latest venture being the "sheiks jewel" a 100 storey hotel in the shape of his penis.

The following has been released by kev220: I would personally like to thank sheik mancow elephantsheed along with everyother rich business man oligarch toff yank for removing footballs foundations as the working mans gameme and placing it in a corporate hospitality box i would especially like to thank the fa for whoring football around the world worse than a wnnabe wag in a nightclub. I would like to state that max i mean rafa benitez can continue in his role as manager and chief head baffler i look forward to many weird press interviews and random rants from him and his gay beard.

In a fantastic move thought to be for both sides; Portsmouth and Man City have agreed on a loan move for Craig Bellamy. The move will see Bellamy join Portsmouth on a 12 month loan with all wages paid by Man City, the deal has a 3 million future fee. If the transfer deal goes through (let's face it, if portsmouth has the money, is a done deal) there has been said that there are even more caviat's that could push the transfer up to 6.5 million

The first round of the draft is over and after the agent were running around like blue arse flies trying to find the best deal for there player this is what happened shock of the Manuel Neuer signing on for Swansea which will be a big shock to the world of football seing how many consider him the best Goalkeeper in the world has he gone there for the Money!!! OR the Sheep!!! we shall wait and see

Breaking news from St James Park Italian tycoon takes over from Mike Cashley some fan were fainting and actually holding bibles to the sky because they couldnt believe there preys have been answered to get rid of Fat Mike

One fan was quoted in saying "this is a beautiful day for Newcastle United but as long as he doesnt bring the defensive style football that Italy is known for then everything should be ok" Skynews reporter "still thickle i see "

The Fulham board would like to announce their pleasure with the 2011/12 season and also congratulate Mark Hughes and the players and staff for their hard work.

A top-half finish for a club such as Fulham was always going to exceed expectations and that we did so while playing much of the season without a recognised senior GK is even more pleasing. Obvious highlights for the season were the 37 goals shared between Dembélé and Zamora up front, but we acknowledge that we were lucky that they stayed fit enough to start 78 games between them and this is certainly an area of the squad that needs to be strengthened. With that in mind, the club have opened negotiations with a number of clubs with regards to signing a striker to compete with those already at the club.

Although Philippe "Slap-head" Senderos has not been transfer listed at this time, both the board and Management are concerned by both the level and the number of his performances last season. There are rumours that he was mentally scarred by Didier Drogba in the Cup Final while playing for Arsenal against Chelsea but it was hoped that with time and counselling he would be able to put that episode behind him and get back to some semblance of form. Unfortunately that does not seem to be the case and it is believed that he is still suffering nightmares relating that event and it is starting to impact on him off the pitch too. Fulham FC will do all they can to assist Philippe with these issues but must also state that this is not a condition that can continue and will be resolved one way or the other before the start of the new season.

While Fulham FC does not have the resources of some of the other clubs we regularly compete with, Mark Hughes has been reassured that there will be money made available for the right addition. In particular we note that in Mark Schwarzer's absence through injury we particularly suffered. On-loan Amos did ok, but both Rudd and Joronen proved that they were simply not up to First Team standard and that needs to be addressed.

It is rumoured that Mark Hughes is looking into the possibilty of signing Amos on a permant deal, but that he is also looking at other options with regards to signing a long-term replacement for veteran Schwarzer.

The Fulham FC board would also like to make it known that they have contacted FIFA with regards to the non-availability of recent signings Jagos Vukovic, Eduardo Guerrero & Mark Love who were due to join the club during the transfer window but seem to have been denied permission. If the paperwork was just delayed and the players will be joining in the Summer then the Fulham FC board find this acceptable and withdraw our complaint.

Can we start buying players, or can you prehaps look at the highest rated/most expensive regens in the game, so we can bid for them? Should be some decent 18 year old brazilian regens by now!

yeah i added milner to your squad unless your manager put him in to the Reserves ill be doing the youth draft thing when all of europe gets there youth players through its the spanish league that gets the intake of youth last

yeah i added milner to your squad unless your manager put him in to the Reserves ill be doing the youth draft thing when all of europe gets there youth players through its the spanish league that gets the intake of youth last

Oh just its a surprise he is not in the first team squad anywhere on the screenshots. Ahhw ell

I also wonder if you could just post a screenshot of the top 20-40 valued players in the game, from the player search screen, just so we can see who we may want to buy.

thats the problem i would but all of you have different reps so then we could the likes of bristol rovers splashing out and buying Zlatan Ibrahimovic but i could find you the best 20 players that will come to you. but thats the only way

thats the problem i would but all of you have different reps so then we could the likes of bristol rovers splashing out and buying Zlatan Ibrahimovic but i could find you the best 20 players that will come to you. but thats the only way

It is with great pleasure that the Fulham FC board can today announce the first signing of the season.

Lucas £5M (+ 50% of re-sale profit) was deemed to be out of favour in Scouseland and Liverpool Chairman AidanofLFC decided to accept a cut-price deal on the basis that he needs the money to re-invest in the squad now and should re-coup a decent sum if Lucas moves on elsewhere. It was hoped that the deal would have been completed before the window closed earlier in the year but unfortunately the deal could not be forced through in time.

He will be joined by the following youngsters who see Craven Cottage as a stepping stone to stardom.

To make way for the incoming players, 4 players have left Craven Cottage and have moved "en masse" to Bristol Rovers. It is also believed that the 2 boards are working closely together and that they think that there might be scope for some additional loan deals over the course of the season. Bristol Rovers look they will be bringing in a complete midfield unit and will hope to hit the ground running at the season start.

thats the problem i would but all of you have different reps so then we could the likes of bristol rovers splashing out and buying Zlatan Ibrahimovic but i could find you the best 20 players that will come to you. but thats the only way

Liverpool Splash The Cash
Liverpool have decided to bring in two new players to try and push them to a title challenge, Juan Mata and Bastian Schweinsteiger. Mata, who has proven in the past with Valencia that he can dominate the wings and bang in a few too said "I am delighted to have signed for such a well-supported club and believe that Liverpool can push on for bigger and better things. And Schweinsteiger, an experienced central and attacking midfielder told the press at his and Mata's introduction to the press " Liverpool is a great club with some great players, i've always dreamed of playing alongside the likes of Steven Gerrard and Pepe Reina.

Reading Board
Pleased with promotion with a gelled team playing attacking football though we leaked the first goal
Hope the new players can help in scoring against the big guns as the the best defense is to attack!!!

Championship new-boys have been busy in the transfer market this year; almost exclusively getting cast-offs and reserves from Fulham F.C., picking up no less than 6 players from the premier league. They have also upgraded the competition for their number 1 shirt by bringing in Tim Krul and Oscar Ustari. New chairman wants to prove that his recent relegation with portsmouth was a fluke.

Man United have made just the solitary signing this off season as they bring in central defender Thiago Silva from AC Milan. The fee is undisclosed and he is believed to have signed a 4 year deal.

Cartwright said "We had no problems scoring last season but we lost in the Champions League because we conceded too many so we felt the best course of action was to bring someone in who can replace the ageing Rio Ferdinand. We tried to find someone who could replace Patrice Evra long term but nobody found was suitable. We are confident of more success this season."

Tottenham Hotspur would like to announce the signings of Van Der Wiel and Gervinho - the players have signed for an undisclosed fee, but the club have stated not to expect any more transfers any time soon.