Great Life: Please call me

You probably know who I am, as more than likely I’m the only one in your whole network still on dial-up.

And because of this fact, this column seems to be the only way I can communicate with you.

Here’s my problem: When I try to connect online at the Heymen household I keep getting the mailbox of some poor guy in Upper Siberia.

This all started several weeks ago, and somehow, on two or more occasions I overcame the problem. Don’t ask me how. I don’t know, and I can’t ask the Computer Guru from here who smells good because, I know what he’d say: “I don’t know. I wasn’t there.”

Anyway, in mid-June while trying to send a story from home to work I kept getting the mailbox of this poor guy in Upper Siberia..

So, being the astute reporter I am, I went to my “Net Zero Help” on the desk top.

Now let me tell you, that’s a l-o-n-g list of help thingies. I kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling looking for a phone number. Finally, after a gazillion minutes of scrolling I found the number for “Technical Support.”

Overjoyed I dialed it, to be greeted with: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. There is a $1.95 per minute charge for Technical Support, and you must be 18 or over to use this service. Please have your credit card handy, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

Following were a number of “other options,” including “billing.”

Since I wasn’t in the mood to pay $1.95 per minute for your Technical Support, I dialed “billing” and got “Indura in India.”

After explaining my problem: “I can’t get online. I’m told to leave a message for Bob or Perry or Ralph or whomever,” I went on to explain that I really didn’t want to pay $1.95 per minute for Technical Support, since this wasn’t my fault.