Starting a new family can be a wonderful yet stressful experience. Newborns, and even older babies, can seem mysterious and taking care of them may be a little scary. Fortunately, babies are born with the skills and desire to tell parents what they need. In this blog, experienced moms (who happen to be experts) will help parents understand why babies behave the way they do and share tips to help parents cope with the ups and downs of this new and exciting time of life.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

For this post, we’ll take a short detour from our scheduled posts to respond to one of our readers who asked: Why do toddlers bite? What are some ways to manage this behavior? My son is 14mos.

Since our reader did not explain why she was asking this question, we don’t know if the biting is related to teething (like biting down occasionally on mom or dad in hopes to relieve the discomfort and pressure on the gums) or aggression. Since biting due to teething comes up much earlier than 14 months, we’ll assume we need to talk about why toddlers may bite their parents or other children when they are angry, frustrated, or sad.

Reasons for Toddler Biting

Aggressive behavior in young children is one of the toughest challenges parents face. Hitting, biting, kicking, and throwing things are common ways toddlers express strong emotions. At 14 months, your son is at a particularly tough age because he is old enough to cause some damage when he becomes aggressive but he is a long way from being able to control his impulses. To understand more about tantrums and aggressive behaviors in older infants and toddlers, we refer you to our earlier series on the topic. When toddlers are prevented from exploring something that interests them or when they must stop doing something that makes them happy, they will become frustrated, angry, or sad. Because they have no way to control these raw and unfamiliar emotions, they lash out any way they can. For many children, especially children who are orally oriented (they put everything in their mouths), biting may be a satisfying weapon. For older children (2 ½ or 3 years old), a disciplinary measure like a “time out” or removal of a favorite toy might be helpful but at 14 months, your son is too young to respond to formal discipline. His impulses are too strong. He doesn’t have the self-control to stop himself when he starts to bite something. Think of it like this; let’s say your son is going down a playground slide and half-way down, you tell him to “stop right there!” It just won’t work. Once he’s started down the slide, his momentum will carry him all the way down to the end. So how would you stop him? You would have to reach over and pull him off the slide. Just as your toddler would need your help to stop going down the slide, your biting toddler needs your help to stop him from biting.

Tips for Dealing with Toddler Biting

1. Prevent biting by watching for your child’s early signals that he is stressed, angry, or sad. Act quickly to redirect or remove him from situations that may end with him biting.

2. Know the normal developmental milestones for toddlers. For example, toddlers have a hard time sharing things that really interest them and they tend to play in parallel rather than with other children. Parents, who expect toddlers to “play nice” with other children, may end up dealing with a lot of aggressive behavior including biting.

3. Biting happens so quickly that you may not be able to intervene fast enough to stop it but you must step in as fast as you can. Gently but firmly restrain your child so that he can’t bite (or can’t bite again) and don't let him go until he is calm again. Don’t be afraid to make it clear that you are disappointed or upset but there is no reason to shout. Tell your son that you understand that he is angry or sad but he is not allowed to bite. Explain why. This may seem a little strange but your son is able to understand your words long before he can use words himself. Your toddler does want to please you. By showing and explaining your reaction, you will help him learn that biting will never help him get what he wants. Unfortunately, this is not a lesson that is learned right away and emotional control is many months away for your toddler. So, you'll need to go back to step 1 many times. Watch for "baby steps" toward less aggressive behavior as your toddler slowly learns to control himself.

Remember, your child is working very hard to learn from you every day. When you are able to help him understand his own emotions (while controlling your own), you are teaching him some of the most important lessons he will ever learn.

Friday, March 25, 2011

This week, popular British actor James Corden became the father of a healthy baby boy named….well, the London press reports that the happy couple are still pondering whether or not to give the baby boy the Corden’s traditional family middle name of “Kimberly.” There is no denying baby names are becoming more unusual - but have you ever thought about how your child’s name could affect his behavior in the future? Every day we read about stranger names for babies. Take these outlandish examples from actor Lance Henriksen who named his daughter Alcamy Henriksen or Pen Jillett’s daughter, Moxie Crimefighter Jillett (yes, you read that right, her middle name is Crimefighter). Selecting the right name to fit your future child’s personality (as if you could predict this prenatally!) can be fun. However, your choice of name can have a long-term impact on your child. A person’s name can influence their personality and can “… influence how [kids] think about themselves and the way in which [other] people might think about them."(1) In this post, we’ll share what we’ve learned about some of the short and long term effects a name can have on a child.

A Rose by Any Other Name…

Baby naming trends change from generation to generation and can be influenced by the political and economic climate of each country. Did you know that an Egyptian father recently named his daughter "Facebook" after the instrumental role the website played in the recent political uprisings in his country? Today, even the most popular names (Aiden or Sophia) are not as widespread as the most popular names were in 1900. For example, in 1900, the most popular boys’ and girls’ names (John and Mary) were held by about 5% of the population. In contrast, the most popular boys’ name from 2009, Jacob, was held by only about 1% of the population.(1)

How could a child’s name affect his behavior? There is some research that shows that children with unique names (think of Apple, Bronx or Tigerlily) are more narcissistic than children with more traditional names.(1) This, however, could be due in part to the personalities of the parents who chose the names. As names continue to diverge from the traditional, the new definition of ‘unique’ will take on new meaning. Soon “Dweezil” may be as common as Sophia! (2)

Other studies indicate that boys with more feminine names like Cameryn or Shannon don’t behave any differently than boys with more masculine sounding names until grade school - then these boys have a higher incidence of behavioral issues than their peers.(1) Sadly, teachers have admitted to having unintentional name biases when they first see their classroom rosters. Teachers may subconsciously stereotype kids with ethnic, unique, or traditional sounding names to have (or not have) certain levels of academic performance or behaviors.(1)

Name vs. Nurture

Though these interesting facts may make a child's name seem to be an overwhelming influence on his life, we should remember that the environment, the parents, and the manner in which the child is nurtured combine to shape a child’s behavior. Picking the perfect name is a challenge, but remember, your parenting is what will have the biggest impact on your child’s behavior even if his middle name is Kimberly. Just make sure to think twice before deciding that Audio Science (that’s actress Shannyn Sossamon’s son’s name) sounds like a good name for your new bundle of joy.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Secrets of Baby Behavior Blog has reached an exciting milestone - the site has had over 140,000 pageviews since it was first started in June of 2009! Although we began with just a few readers, we've grown to more than 6000 unique visitors each month. We hope that we've answered your Baby Behavior questions and we look forward to continuing to provide research-based information for parents around the world.

We have some wonderful topics to cover in the coming months, but we still want to hear from you! If you have any questions about infant behavior, please send us a comment. It is truly our pleasure to help new parents because, believe me, we know what it's like!

2. How old are babies when the newborn sucking reflex is replaced by the ability to suck voluntarily?

a. Before birth
b. 4 days
c. 4 weeksd. 4 months

Answer: d. I bet this one surprised you. Of course, this change doesn't happen all at once but occurs gradually. At the same time that babies are able to suck on things voluntarily, they are also gaining control over motor skills that allow them to bring things to their mouths. Around 4 months, babies add a new way to explore objects - by mouthing and tasting them. Keep that in mind when you are babyproofing.

3. How old are children typically when they can first use 1000 words?

a. 12 months
b. 24 monthsc. 36 months
d. 48 months

Answer c. For many parents, the explosion in the number of words that their children use is one of more exciting parts of their babies' development. We shared a series about language development in the Fall of 2009. Babies learn words that they hear each day. So keep this in mind, your baby will be very good at remembering the words that you use.

4. How old are babies when they can focus and coordinate vision in both eyes at the same time?

a. Before birth
b. 1 week
c. 7 weeksd. 14 weeks

Answer. d. Vision develops very quickly in infants. Other systems can take months or years to get up to speed. If you pay close attention, you will see that your baby gets better and better at following objects with her eyes as she gets older.

5. How old are babies when they can coordinate both hands so they can hold objects that are too big for them to hold in one hand?

Answer c. Motor skills that require both hands are far more challenging than most of adults imagine. An earlier significant milestone occurs when babies can pass objects from one hand to the other. Older babies can start to manipulate large objects by using both hands to hold them. For many children, it is several years before they can consistently catch an object tossed to them. So don't worry if your older baby drops objects when you try to play catch. Your baby will still have fun trying!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

We're back with another baby quiz! This time,we're asking about the ages at which infants and young children reach some important milestones. Keep in mind that every baby is different and we're asking for average ages. Please share your guesses with us by adding a comment. We'll post the answers next time.

1. How old are babies when they first can coordinate sucking and swallowing?

a. Before birth
b. 1 day
c. 1 week
d. 1 month

2. How old are babies when the newborn sucking reflex is replaced by the ability to suck voluntarily?

a. Before birth
b. 4 days
c. 4 weeks
d. 4 months

3. How old are children typically when they can first use 1000 words?

a. 12 months
b. 24 months
c. 36 months
d. 48 months

4. How old are babies when they can focus and coordinate vision in both eyes at the same time?

a. Before birth
b. 1 week

c. 7 weeks

d. 14 weeks

5. How old are babies when they can coordinate both hands so they can hold objects that are too big for them to hold in one hand?

Friday, March 11, 2011

In our last "Mommy Science" post, we discussed the science behind Jen B’s early postpartum experiences at home. As promised, now we’ll take a closer look at her daughter Charlotte’s development and experiences during those early days.

As Charlotte entered her 4th day of life, she was still struggling to maintain an alert state for more than a few minutes. Her situation is a common one, especially for a baby born by c-section. Sleepy babies can be particularly challenging for new parents if they require a lot of work to wake up. Sometimes babies are sleepy because of exposure to medications, sometimes because their bodies are still not able to effectively move from one state to another. Other babies are challenging to wake because they are spending so much energy trying to tune out the world when they are trying to rest and recover from birth. While parents with sleepy babies may enjoy the extra shut-eye, sleeping too long or failing wake up enough to feed effectively, can result in babies' losing weight, becoming dehydrated, or even jaundiced. It is important to follow your health care providers' guidelines about how often to feed your baby and how best to wake your baby to feed.

Even when they are awake, newborns may have some trouble getting feedings started. Learning to latch and coordinating breathing and sucking are sometimes tricky even when all the reflexes and instincts are in place. Fortunately, babies are born with innate abilities to learn quickly and after the first few days, nearly all babies are feeding champs. If not, a trip to the doctor, nurse, or lactation consultant can help get things back on track. The very best way to make sure that your baby improves in his ability to feed is to practice every time you see your baby use hunger cues.

Some of you will be surprised about how much your baby moves during those first few days. He may twitch and flail his arms and legs, especially when you put him down on his back. He may even move around quite a bit when he's sleeping. Newborns have little control over their muscles and some (but not all) will move around so much that they startle themselves. Swaddling can be useful for newborns to minimize movement and keep your baby a bit more relaxed until he gets more control over his body (within the first few weeks).

One last thing, newborns are tenacious in their desire and ability to connect with and learn from the world around them. It may not be obvious, but each time your newborn looks at your face, he is working hard to learn and duplicate what he sees. When you smile or move your lips to speak to him, his brain is making connections that will someday let him smile back at you. At first, your newborn won't be able to look at you for very long but when he does, you will notice that looking at you calms him. In fact, he will find your face to be one of the most wondrous things in his brand new world.

Friday, March 4, 2011

In her last post, Jen described her struggles with sleeplessness and breastfeeding during days 4 and 5. Keeping in mind that not all of Jen’s experiences are typical, we’ll share some of the biology lurking in the background.

The Tiredness ContinuesIn our last mommy science post, we talked about the emotional and physical demands of recovering from a C-section and the onslaught of hormones that induce the “stress response.” Stress causes forgetfulness, irritability, and for Jen B and many other women like her, an alert and awake state – leading to a frustrating inability to sleep. Though these hormones are decreasing on days 4 and 5, the resulting lack of sleep persists through the next few days.

Milk Onset
About 85% of moms ‘feel’ changes in their bodies between 24-72 hours postpartum signalling that their milk supply is increasing (otherwise known as "milk coming in" or "milk onset"). The other 15% feel those changes later (and may need some assistance from the doctor or lactation consultant to get things going). Typically, first time moms feel the increase in milk supply near the end of day 3. Mothers who have already had children often feel the changes at the end of day 2, give or take a few hours. Jen B noted that she felt the changes on day three – which is well within the normal range. Though colostrum (the very important early milk) is already being produced during pregnancy, mothers notice fullness and tightness in their breasts as the milk supply rapidly increases (more than 10 fold) during the first week after the baby has been born. For some mothers, the milk comes in well after the third day (this may happen to some but not all of moms who have had c-sections). In this situation, it is important that both mom and baby are seen by a health care provider. The good news is that for most moms, a delay in milk onset can be addressed with help from the lactation consultant and/or health care provider.

Hungry Babies on Days 4 and 5!
Newborns tend to have the highest number of feeds on days 4 and 5 (we’ll talk more about the science behind this in our next post) and if moms do not expect this increase in feeding, they may think there is something wrong or they may worry that the frequent feeds will go on forever. This added stress combined with fears “doing it wrong” can be very discouraging for new moms, But, this peak in feeding helps mom and baby to get plenty of practice breastfeeding and keeps the mom from being engorged by too much milk when the milk supply is increasing so rapidly. All babies will feed frequently on days 4 and 5 as they become more alert and active. New families need a lot of help during that first week.

Newborn Challenges
Despite the fact that bringing home her newborn was a new experience, Jen B was confident that her training and experience would make breastfeeding and understanding her baby’s needs easy. Unfortunately, Charlotte didn’t get that memorandum. Charlotte’s early cues were confusing and her attempts to latch resulted in fussy frustration or sleep when she should have been eating. As Jen B became more overwhelmed, the hospital staff was able to step in at the right time and support her efforts to keep breastfeeding.

Next time: We’ll get back to the Baby Science of that tough first week!

Welcome!

It's time to use a little common sense and readjust our thinking. We can learn a lot from babies and the wonderful research that has been done about them over the last 30 years. In this blog, you'll hear from moms who have been in the trenches (and in the classroom), who understand what you are going through and what your baby is trying to tell you. We look forward to sharing our knowledge and experience with you and we hope that you'll share your ideas and questions with us.- Best wishes from your friends at the UC Davis Human Lactation Center