Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I Want My Machete Arms!

Whenever you embark on a new path, there comes a time when you can either abandon your efforts completely, or charge ahead. Sometimes that charging ahead involves using a machete to hack out your own new trail.

I found myself in that place this morning.

It would be so easy to just shrug it all off and say, "Eh. It wasn't worth it anyway. It's too hard." But I have been challenged. And I'm not one to back down from a challenge.

Personally, I think the best challenges are the ones that are inadvertently made.

It was almost a month ago that I joined a new gym and committed to caring for my own needs in a way that I haven't since my kids were born. I felt that a tremendous amount of change was just over the horizon. And I was right.

And I was kicking butt. Since then I've kept this house organized to my standards. And I've been training the other members of my family to do their share. I was going to the gym at least five days a week. And I was making the most of my time there. I was cruising along on Weight Watchers and feeling pretty damn good about everything.

While I was doing all that, the closest people in my life were going through some serious stuff. Most of all, I saw my mother go through a health scare (we're still waiting for answers) that was a huge wake-up call. For me it reinforced all of my objectives.

And then my husband went away for a week and I blew it. The house is still pretty neat, but I binged all weekend long and took four days off from the gym.

I felt so awful about myself. I wanted to wallow.

But my mother called and casually mentioned that she had started taking a new step class. She asked if she could get a guest pass for my gym for when she visits.

This is my mother. This is the woman who ruined my father's Christmas surprise by saying, "Well, as long as you didn't buy me another stupid gym membership." (He had.)

I want to learn my lesson about caring for myself at 32. Not 56 when illness and age are catching up with me.

Without even knowing it, she challenged me.

The last thing in the world I wanted to do this morning was get up early to shave my legs so I could go to the gym. But I did it. Maybe, by example, I'll teach my daughter a lesson about caring for herself when she's 6. And maybe I'll be around to see her turn 56.

So, if I'm going to stick on this jungle path now, I might as well go all the way.

A certain someone in my life told me that he was going to play "hardball" with me. He said, "When you see a doctor, I will too."

Ha! Batter up, baby.

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow morning to do something about my broken tooth. And I'm going to a new doctor Friday morning to discuss my health history, my weight, and my future.

I've been avoiding it for four long years. I've been taking care of everyone else. But now it is time.

I feel like the worst is behind us, right now. Things are only better and brighter before me.