Too Freakin' Busy

My national book tour (well I was just in Canada this week so it was kind of international) is officially over! I'll still be appearing here and there, but for the rest of the summer, I'm just going to sit on the beach and soak up my girls! Thank you all so much for supporting me and Fabulicious: Fast & Fit! If it's sold out, you can still get it on Amazon. And keep sending me pictures of you making the food from it. I love, love, love to see your beautiful faces!

I loved watching my girls work with their daddy on our new garage/shed building. I'm proud that they're hard workers. We all are. Loved seeing them stucco. The pics I took of them with my phone that day are up on my website.

I was also so happy Rosie came over to talk to me. It's very sweet she's upset about tabloid stories about her sister, but believe me, she was preaching to the choir! Yeah, I know! Ugly tabloid stories are one of the many reasons I never wanted to see my family go through this. If Kathy ever told me she was even considering joining the show, I would have told her this is one of the really bad downsides: every
skeleton, every person you ever had an argument with, everything the tabloids can twist, they will. It's not fun.

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I actually think Kathy's gotten off pretty easy, and I'm thankful for that. I don't really remember seeing any negative Kathy stories except why would she come on RHONJ and bash her own cousin, and I think she probably expected those.

I thought it was interesting that Rosie said she didn't want the tabloid stories to "start a family war." It's been almost two full seasons now, and I've never said or written anything hurtful about Kathy or her family on the show (or in the press!).

Again, the big thing Kathy and Rosie are upset about? I was asked in a magazine interview if anyone harassed me about my spending since I'd filed bankruptcy, and I said the only person I can think of is my cousin, who teases me about shopping. I was talking about Richie, they put a picture of Kathy, but I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the huge insult here. Yes, when he's not calling me a bitch or "joking" about burning me on the stake, Richie does tease me about shopping. I didn't say anything else, but you can see for yourself how they all are in my business making up stories about us building a garage, freaking out about what purse I'm carrying...

Unfortunately for me, St. Kathy herself isn't so nice or restrained. Here's what you have heard from Kathy's own lips about me: "I guess intelligence is a different language for Teresa." "It's not my job to raise her." And from her blogs: "Teresa, a bit of advice -- it's usually not a good idea to bring up your spending or someone's alleged perception of it in the same conversation that you talk about your bankruptcy issues. Just sayin'." And "When Teresa could not think of an intelligent response, what does she do? Hmm, she then decides to attack me for leaving the
christening. Does anyone else see a pattern here? Why is it that whenever Teresa is confronted, she flips the table? Come on, you've all been watching." Along with writing I'm "petty," "pathetic," and "mean spirited."And yet I've never had a "war" with her. I invite her to lunch and say I want to move forward, even though those insults are airing on TV at the same time.

This is the same time the mean stuff Melissa and my brother said about me in Season 3 is playing on TV, and yet I'm still trying to fix things. And they sit around and say I'm only trying to "make things right" with my family since my friends betrayed me?

Um, excuse me, but what wasn't "right" with my family? Oh yeah, my family betrayed me by joining the show behind my back and trashing me on it. I don't want to keep bringing it up, but they keep bringing up our family "problems" and THAT'S our family problem! No one else on any show has ever had to deal with an ambush like that. I think I've done a pretty good job with it. I got over it, forgave them, moved forward. I keep going to their events, I keep inviting them into my lives, and I keep my mouth shut about their personal lives. Have I ever said a word about their finances, lifestyle, pasts, parenting or personality problems? I'm not suddenly interested in my family. I've ALWAYS been all about my family. I'm not perfect and I'm not saying I never had a private argument with anyone, but I've never publicly and intentionally hurt anyone in my family.

OK, back to Kathy and Rosie... It's been weird to see Kathy put out there like she's my only cousin. I obviously have other cousins -- Rosie and her three brothers – just like I have other sister-in-laws, but only Kathy and Melissa joined the show, so I try to respect everyone else's privacy. Once Rosie decided to come on the show more, we could talk.

It was nice to be able to sit with Rosie again and just talk face-to-face. I really looked up her to growing up. And it's true, I was a papergirl because Rosie was! My father didn't want me to, but I was obsessed with being like Rosie. Rosie got to take her bike, but my father had to drive me because he was nervous because I was younger.I was close to both Rosie and Kathy, and when Kathy and Rosie had their issues, when Kathy didn't want Rosie around, I stayed out of it. I let them work it out. I wasn't trying to bring up the past because of anything other than Rosie sitting in front of me asking why things were the way they were. We were talking together about what we've been through, trying to learn from each other, comfort each other I think. Just like things are painful between me and my brother now, things were that way with her and Kathy. And it hurts. Rosie knows how I'm feeling because she's felt that way. You can still see the pain in her face when we talk about it. But you can see I'm very careful not to bring up any details that would be hurtful to Rosie or Kathy. They were lucky enough to go through it privately and not on TV, and I respect their privacy. It did make me sick to my stomach to feel pulled between the two of them, and I'm so happy that after years of working it out and going to therapy together (which I only just found out! I guess some old-school Italians do go to therapy, but they keep it secret!), they fixed it. They're actually an inspiration to me, because they got through it!

I was really hopeful therapy with my own brother was going to work, and I think you can see my brother and I are alike in a lot of ways. We're both stubborn, we both think we don't need therapy, but we love each other and we're willing to try. We're also not alike in a lot of ways. I would never talk to him like he talks to and yells at me. And I would never, ever bring my parents into this.

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I did get a lot out of therapy that day, but after our session -- out in the hall -- I realized then that it wasn't the past, it was the present that was bothering Joey. Joey truly believes the worst about me, believes bad rumors from bad people, and he can't get over it. It breaks my heart.

I think that's what it really boils down to: every bad thing that happens to or is ever written about Joey and Melissa, they blame me for. They accuse me of it on Twitter, on the show, in other magazines. I've never done anything to them, and I never would. First of all, I love my family. Second, their garbage would make me stink too, so why would I want that out there? Third, I've been through the anonymous and not-so-anonymous friends/sources putting out horrible lies about me, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Again, one of the reasons I didn't want to do a show with my family.

When Joey brought up an article about our parents and blamed me for it, I could have died. First of all, if you know anything about me, it's that I'm fiercely protective of my parents. I don't ever talk about their private business on the show. Never have and never will.

My brother doesn't seem to feel the same way, but what he forgets is how often he talks about their private business with everyone! He thinks the only place the story about my parents could have come from is me? Joey, you just told a contractor last week on TV about them! A guy who obviously has no loyalty because he was telling tales about me to you!

From the day I was first on RHONJ, there have been horrible tabloid stories about me, but at least they were only about me. Then Kathy and Melissa and my brother join the show, and suddenly there are stories involving my parents! Are you kidding me? It's my worst nightmare!I love my brother more than anything, but I really feel like our parents should be off-limits on the show. My parents didn't sign up for this and they don't deserve it. Regardless of what my brother says on television, me, my brother, and my parents know the truth, and let's just leave it at that.

So, back to the tabloids.... Even though they know it's not true (hello, 99 percent of the tabloid stories are bad ones about me!), everyone on the show keeps trying to blame me for the tabloid stories. They keep saying it over and over and over... Why? Because they hope if they say it enough, that will make it true.

Why would they want it to be true? I have no idea. It's sad because I would never hurt any of them like this.

You've all known me for four years. I've never obsessed about anyone on our show, never went out of my way to "find out things" about them, taunt them on Twitter, harass them, have my family harass them. It's just not my style. I've never done the dirty stories, pretended to be a "source," or talked to shady people route. Ever. I'm not giving exclusive quotes to Kim G.'s friend Tom Murro. I'm not letting bloggers video me in my foyer. I honestly don't think I've ever talked to Radar Online in my life. I'm too smart, too spiritual, and too freakin' busy to waste my time on this kind of stuff. I'm taking care of four little girls and working!

Hear me clearly, Jacqueline: I'm not trying to accuse anyone else of putting the stories out there, I'm just saying it's not me. I know people over-analyze my blogs to try and find some way I hurt them, because they don't have any real reason to be mad. I never did anything purposefully or publicly hurtful to anyone. Again, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, but I never have and never would never try and hurt someone that way.And good grief, two weeks ago I wasn't implying anything about Jacqueline's husband in my blog! I was literally trying to give an easy but emotional example I thought she might understand since she didn't get why me forgiving Melissa one time didn't count for everything I didn't know she'd done over the last two years!

I don't know how many times I can say sorry. I'm sorry I can't take the blame for everything in everyone's life. I'm not trying to take anyone down. I'm too busy trying to live my own life, trying to make myself a better person. Right after this season, I went on Celebrity Apprentice to find a new side of myself, and I think I found it. You all saw me there, and how I handled the pressure of that challenge. I learned a lot, and I will hopefully keep learning. Leaving the drama behind and raising money for sick children for NephCure put everything in perspective for me, and I'll never be the same. Our time on earth is short, and I want to spend it helping people and raising my beautiful girls and enjoying my marriage, not trolling on Twitter to hurt people I'm mad at.

I'm going to just keep moving forward, continuing to open my heart to new people and new opportunities, and pray for the best for everyone.

I hope you're all enjoying the summer! I'm loving the beach and the sunshine!