Thursday, April 23, 2009

I was going to say something cutting about including this photo in a real estate listing, but c'mon. These Realtors are armed. Like, with guns, real guns. All I have to defend myself is a three-inch-deep layer of Lego scattered by the front door -- and let's face it, these guys probably don't live in shoes-off houses. So: keep it up! Great listing! Good luck!

My house suffers from Pink Bathtubitis too, so I really shouldn't raise an eyebrow at this listing Karen found. What are you going to do, after all? You've got a house to sell, the bathroom is pink, you're not going to remodel. All you can do is carefully frame the photo so you get in your collection of collections and hope for the best.

Monday, April 20, 2009

C'mon, kids! It's time for a round of The Goose Game. Mary, you're in charge of can of paint -- try not to get any on the TV this time, sweetie. Jake, the metal scoop is yours. I'll take the small stool; hun, do you want the large one? And baby gets the pole, as usual. First one to get the goose to the big X wins a point. Go!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A few people have asked lately where Chair is. Don't worry. Gingerbeer found Chair taking a little break, relaxing with a good friend. After all the hard work of getting to be #2 in the world domination list, it's time to kick back and... uh... ignore the nice view.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

What's this? Oh, it's just Money magazine's annual list of the 100 "best investments, strategies, products, and people in the world of money," that's all. Tum-te-tum. And leafing through, what do we find?

HOLY CRAP. This blog is the world of money's second best investment, strategy, product, and person! Lil' old It's Lovely! I'll Take It! We're number two! We're number two! We're number two!

Like most parents, I sometimes -- no more than ten or twenty times a day -- think I'm royally messing up my kids through my incompetence. But then I look at this listing, found on Foute Huizen, and I realize that so long as I'm not deliberately and painstakingly inducing nightmares in my kids I'm probably okay.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I walked off the dusty street and through the swinging doors of this house, hoping for a drink to sooth my parched throat. The piano player stopped playing, the bartender looked up from the mug he was wiping, and everyone at the card game turned to stare.

"Howdy, boys," I said. "I'm just a Realtor, passing through town. I don't mean to bother nobody. I'll just leave my card and move on."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Fiona found this disturbing scene. I think that the stove stunned the chairs while their backs were turned, causing them to pass out face-first. There's really no other explanation. But what will the stove do now, if it can escape the jail it's being held in? And what's that weird other alcove to the left? And why do listings from New Zealand all look so vibrant and computer-generated? Does New Zealand really exist? Has anyone actually been there?

Friday, April 10, 2009

Becky found this aviary / three-bedroom colonial. One photo of loose parrots, I would understand; this listing has four of them.

I'm sure there are people who own caged birds and who live in houses that don't smell of droppings and wet newspaper. Really. They must exist. And this could well be just such a house.

(I spent far too long trying to find one word for "parrot droppings" with no luck. "Guano" gets used, but I don't think it's right. But my hay fever is in full bloom and it's a wonder I can even remember how to log into this website, never mind coming up with the right term for parrot fewmet.)

Friday, April 3, 2009

Oh, God. What did I do last night? Why am I waking up on this floor? Is that pizza in my hair? Whose idea was it to drink Singapore Slings? Well, there's nothing for it but to unstick my forehead from the floor, find a cup of coffee, and put the house up for sale.

For whatever reason, this real estate agent has decided that only one photo is needed in this listing Danielle found. Just one. So, to really sell the house, to show the potential in this fixer, she went with... this?

The rest of the house must be a little messy or something, and not worth taking photos of.