Sharing Inspiring Self-Help Wisdom By Author, Marilyn Fowler

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Self-Help

I wanted to take a few moments before I put my next post up to say; “THANK YOU!” I reached a new milestone here on my WordPress blog of 500+ LIKES and I could not be more HAPPY about that. I know it is mainly because of all of YOU who have taken the time out of your day to come visit, read and YOU made this happen. It does make me feel good to know that I am hopefully helping others live a full and happy life with the “Ole Wisdom” this 80+ something woman has gained through the years!

I do enjoy sharing my thoughts, hope, and life experiences with you. I do love reading others as we all share together, it seems to make this world a little more kind and we all move forward in a positive direction together. So please don’t be afraid to voice your comments as I do enjoy them.

I apologize for this article being late, but I just came through a mountain of my own, and it took a while to catch up. I hope you enjoy this reading. Maybe it will sound familiar.

Many blessings to all.

“You are not IN the mountains. The mountains are in YOU.” ~John Muir

Life is a series of the good times that warm our heart and put a smile on our face, or times so painful we wonder if we’ll survive, and all those in-between times we call routine. We hope for the good ones, but sometimes we’re faced with sudden challenges that knock us off our routine path. Each of us is on our own unique journey, and whatever is on one path may not be on another. we never know what each tomorrow will bring. But we’re all faced with something, some time. And we all have our mountains to move.
Pain comes on many levels. Some situations nullify your plans like when you’re ready for work and your car has a flat, or you receive notice you didn’t pay your mortgage, or you forget to register your kid for summer day camp, etc. Others can mean life-shattering devastation like sudden illness, loss of a job, a death of a loved one, financial loss, the list goes on. Some experiences are extremely hard while others seem less demanding, but whatever the severity, life pushes us to learn and grow from each experience.

How do you respond when a challenge hits?Maybe the first thought is to panic with a ‘what if’attitude. What if I’m late for work; what if this ruins my credit; what if my kid thinks I forgot because I don’t care. Or more serious, what if I don’t get well; what if I can’t find another job; what if I can’t find peace; what if I lose everything. Our attention is usually so turned toward the outside, we often don’t listen to what’s going on inside. Are you thinking fear, lack, I can’t do it, or any other defeating notion? These thoughts may be your biggest mountains, and only you can move them.

“When you focus on faith rather than fear, you tap into a strength to carry you over even the tallest mountains.” ~ Gail Lynne Goodwin

Challenges in our life are teaching experiences, and every mountain serves a purpose. They present opportunities to discover something we need on our journey. And they help us realize our strength in overcoming. Turn your mind from fear to faith, and deny that any self-defeating beliefs have power over you. Then replace them with the truth. “There is nothing to fear, I have everything I need, I have faith in the Power within to move mountains, and I have faith in myself to be guided and strengthened. I can do it.” Give these ideas positive energy, and they will manifest in positive ways.
As you build on your faith, move away from worries, and move toward a solution. Step back, and gauge the size of the mountain you’re facing. There’s a saying, “Don’t make mountains out of molehills.” How big is your mountain really? It might be just a little hill to step over. Size up the mountain, and create a plan. Ask, “How big is it, and what can I do about it? What are the consequences if I can’t fix it? Where can I find help if I need it?” Etc. Accept where you are, and voice your intention to move forward.

“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” ~Confucius

Don’t feel like you have to hurry through this. Someone once told me that when you’re working with a life challenge, remember it’s a process, and you have to allow it to unfold in its time, as you’re doing what’s yours to do. She also said that each time we overcome a challenge, something insidechanges, and we’re better for it. So take the time you need to move your mountain, and welcome the change within yourself.

“For every mountain, there is a miracle.” ~Robert H. Schuller

Moving mountains isn’t easy. It takes practice and patience, knowing that each overcoming moves you closer to being more of what you’re meant to be. And if there’s something you can’t get past right now, it’s okay. You haven’t failed. Celebrate the mountains you’ve moved, and be grateful for those you haven’t. They’re part of your journey and will serve a purpose. Their time will come. And youare blessed.

Welcome readers and friends and Wishing you all a very blessed and happy holiday season!

It’s December, and holiday planning is everywhere. More cars are on the road with fewer places to park, stores are picking up traffic, you see more ads on TV, holiday trimmings are going up, and everyone’s looking for just the right gift. In other words, everything’s progressing into the usual chaotic rush that strikes this time every year. It can be a time of constant stress OR it can be a time of wonderment and miracles…if you make it so. And isn’t it wonderful? Or is it?

Many people are so consumed with doing, they miss the fun of being. They try to move through each day on autopilot without much thought to where they’re going. It’s easy to forget things, then have to backtrack to remedy the forgetting. And pleasant experiences can turn into frustration and stress. If you’re someone who celebrates a holiday in December, you know what it’s like scrambling to get through it with a sane mind and a strong body still intact. Maybe you feel the reward is worth the stress. But with too much stress, it’s like walking through a beautiful garden and forgetting to smell the flowers.

In the midst of the clamor, this time of year can also tug at your heartstringswith sweet memories of times past when you held a certain loved one, when a family was intact and when life was slower and felt more stable, when so much was ‘just different’. You feel the stress of knowing you can’t go back and recapture what you had yesterday. And painful feelings prevent your full embrace of the season. But your memories and your love for people and things from the past will always be a part of you. And you don’t have to give them up. You can keep them close to and in your heart, while you focus on expressing love in the present.

As you move through your busy days, be vigilant and watch for opportunities to replace stress withlove and joy in each experience. Recently I was in a check-out line in a grocery store, and I spied a small boy around 4 or 5 years old leaning against his mother also in line. I waved to him, and he waved back. And for a while we had fun giggling and connecting with back and forth gestures.

Words were not necessary. Then suddenly he left his mother’s side, darted over to me, threw both arms around me, and held on tight with his little head nestled against me. I was absolutely awe-struck, and I knelt down and gave him a hug. He finally left with both parents. And I’ll always cherish the joy that dear little boy brought to me.

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” ~Hamilton Wright Mabie

Send your love over time and space to those you want to hug. They will receive the blessings that your love carries with it. And put your mind and heart in your gifts. No money for gifts? Love is the greatest gift you can give. I remember when a friend had no money to buy me a birthday present, so she cleaned my house. I’ll never forget that gift or the precious angel who gave it.

Holiday seasons arerich with miraclesif you know where to look. First, hug the miracle that is yourself. Then reach out to others with your love. And watch and listen so miracles won’t go unnoticed. Smile at strangers, and play with children. If you attend worship services, exchange hugs with others who need hugs as much as you do.

And call people by their name. We like being validated. Keep your mind and heart open and receptive allowing your love to flow into this holiday season. And you’ll find your holiday miracles. Then you’ll reach the finish line with a big grin, because you can finally sit back, put your feet up, and say,“Ahh. Yes, it is wonderful.”

Now that the holidays are here, is there someone in your life who gets on your nerves and annoys you to the point of frustration? Maybe your boss, co-worker, neighbor, friend, life partner? Most people know someone like this. If you do, then you know that uncomfortable feeling that bubbles beneath the surface and drives you up a wall.

Years ago I worked in a pharmacy with a verbally abusive boss. Then one day I exploded, and we had a yelling fight across the store. I thought for sure I’d be fired. But when I carried my loud voice behind his counter, he was doubled up with laughter. I yelled, “What the hell are you laughing at?” With a wide grin, he answered, “I wondered how long it would take you to stand up for yourself.Bout time.” After that, he treated me with respect, and we ended up with a good relationship. However, I wouldn’t recommend my behavior to anyone. Don’t yell at your boss.

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” ~Unknown

Over time, I’ve learned better ways to improve my own response to people who push my buttons. There’s room for change on both sides. First look at your own responses, and honestly question any hangups that may precipitate or contribute to the other person’s behavior. Am I being unreasonable? Do I expect too much? Do I respond from my own insecurity? Is there something to me that needs to change? Look for answers, and make necessary changes if you need to. If you feel comfortable talking to the other person, do it. If not, there are other ways to bring about change.
One time I worked with a team of people and our Supervisor’s answers to the others were usually ‘yes’, but always ‘no’ to me, sometimes with a somewhat hostile attitude. I was confused and made every effort to please. But no change. Then I went to my Minister for help, and she recommended the following exercise. I used it each day, and in about a month, I saw changes with my Supervisor. Eventually, we became friends, and I valued her friendship.

Recommended Exercise:Your goal is to change the negative energy between you to positive energy, thus changing the behaviors.
1. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and imagine looking at the other person.
2. Then say, “I love you, I bless you, I release you to your highest good.”
3. Now take another deep breath, and let go. Let go. Let go.

When you say these words, you’re sending the other person a love your neighbor type of love–the kind that’s wired in us to love others. At first, you may not feel these words, so saying them may be difficult. But you’re affirming blessings in their life, and you’re releasing them, and ultimately yourself, from negative energy between you. So say the words anyway. In most cases, this exercise does work if you stay with it. And you might just find the peace you long for between you.

“You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.” ~Unknown

Not everyone is going to cooperate and make the change you want in your relationship. And it may be someone you can’t or don’t want to release from your life. But you don’t have to remain on the receiving end of their inappropriate behavior. Set boundaries with a plan to avoid emotional disturbance from a difficult person.

Boundary Examples:“I will be caring and considerate of your feelings; I will use yes or no whenneeded, and mean it; I will listen when you’re talking to me, but will walk away if your words or manner are hurtful; etc, etc. And I will grant you the same courtesies.” Create and present the plan appropriate to the person involved, such as your boss at work, your life partner, whoever, etc.

“A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love.” ~Marianne Williamson

Some people have a fear of losing control and will resist change. So if someone refuses your miracle, then honor it yourself as much as possible. You’re a special person with a right to peace and love in your life. Go for it, and be happy.I wish you peace created between the both you.

I hope you all had a blessed, healthy, and happy Thanksgiving with family and friends. Now let help you prepare for the busy Holiday Season with doing some inside and outside “life clutter”… Marilyn

“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.” ~Steve Maraboli

Some people are never concerned with getting empty boxes to pack up clutter for the trash collectors. God bless ’em. But others of us live our lives overrun with all kinds of clutter. It’s not something we do deliberately. We just don’t put things where they belong in the first place, and they pile up. We have good intentions, but we take stuff for granted and pretend it’s not there.“Clutter is stuck energy. The word “Clutter” derives from the Middle English word “clotter” which means to coagulate–and that’s about as stuck as you can get.” ~Karen Kingston.

Everything is energy, and energy attracts like energy. So if your life is full of clutter, more clutter is what you’ll attract. And it creeps up gradually when you’re not looking. Over time, it meshes together like part of the decor. And it becomes part of your everyday life. You may try to change your focus away from it. But the clutter is still there.
People clutter for different reasons. Some allow ‘memories’ to pile up with old pictures, souvenirs, reminders of happy times, etc. Others accumulate stuff and plan to ‘get to it later’ like unread mail and greeting cards, receipts that need filing, etc. Others think they might ‘need something later’ like ads for things on sale, old clothes they’ll never wear, the hat for that outfit they never bought. Then there’s the messy person who just lets everything pile up.

Our home environment is a reflection of who we think we are, and clutter becomes a part of that reflection. We identify with it. So the clutter influences the way we feel and takes a toll on our health. It can invite dust, or molds, and toxins that affect us physically, draining our energy and our ability to fight illnesses.

Looking at clutter every day can also encourage mental and emotional stress that disturbs our sense of well being with feelings of incompetence, anxiety, and depression. And our home may no longer support a positive self-image or what we need to be healthy and happy.

If you’re a chronic clutterer, your brain is trained for it. But you can re-train your brain and create a new way to live. Clutter has some meaning for each person, and it’s important to understand why you clutter. So ask yourself, “Why do I allow clutter in my home? And what reward do I get from it?” You might answer, “I allow it to pile up because I can get to it later, or I keep it because I might need it sometime.”

And my reward is “I don’t have to do it now, or I’ll have it if I need it.” Now make adecision to release your need to clutter, and make an appointment with yourself to begin clutter maintenance.

“It’s all about finding the calm in the chaos.” ~Donna Karan

Get a box for the trash and a bag for give-a-ways, and make notes to yourself to stay with a schedule to the end. Clean one area at a time like one drawer, one closet, one pile of papers, etc. Keep only what’s meaningful like pictures, letters, mementos, etc, and what’s necessary like medical reports, unpaid bills, etc. But let all the rest go. And with each job you finish, see yourself as strong and capable. It may take more than one attempt to change for good. So keep reminders in those areas you’ve cleaned, and maybe you won’t clutter again. 🙂
When you’re done, stand back and look around. Smile at what you’ve accomplished, and you’llfeel a new energy in your home. And now that you’ve cleared the clutter on the outside, take a moment to go within and tell yourself you’ll clear the inside clutter too.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week to release your inside clutter and find peace.

I wish you happy days in your clutter-free home. And maybe your car too? Lol.

‘The above statement: “nothing moves without a push,” could be applied to just about anything in life, but it’s very appropriate when dealing with depression.’

When we fall into that pit, it can feel like we’ll never get out, and we long for someone to reach down and save us. But it usually doesn’t work that way. There are times when a person is too weak to do the pushing, and medication is required until they’re strong enough to participate in the recovery process. And that’s okay. But for most of us, we’re stronger than we think, and we can begin recovery in spite of that hopeless feeling that churns inside.

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Try and Sit quietly, close your eyes and go within. Take your time.

1.This may sound weird, but accept where you are right now–depressed. Owning the problem and being willing to face it and resolve it puts the ball in your corner and takes some of the power away from the depression.

2.Now state your intention to climb up out of that pit. It hurts, and you want out, so you intend to get out one way or another. So there!!

3. Reach down deep inside and locate that inner strength you thought was gone. It’s still there, and it will answer your call. Now take a deep breath. You need one. You’ve just accomplished the first step to freedom.

“For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe.” ~Larry Eisenberg

Now, give yourself permission to not be all things to everyone else. This is your time to heal. Meet your commitments, but your main focus now is you.

4. Clarify the source of your depression. Is it a problem on the outside, or is something going on within yourself? If it’s on the outside, do what you can to resolve it and then let it go. You don’t have a magic wand. If the source is on the inside, ask your Higher Self to reveal what you need to work on.

5. Use denials and affirmations. Example: I deny that this problem has any power over me. I affirm my ability to rise above any obstacle in my life and find the freedom I desire.

6. If you feel like crying, ranting, raving, swearing, etc, don’t hold it back. It will just keep popping up. However, don’t let it control you. Allot a certain amount of time for this kind of an outlet. 30mins, 1hour, 2hours, whatever you decide. Then when the time is up, cut it off. Do this again as needed. You’ll find this need will diminish.

7. Make a deliberate effort to use props and beauty to raise your mood. Music, walking outside, exercise, watch a sunrise, eat an ice cream cone, create belly laughs (I know you don’t feel like it, but do it anyway) whatever it takes.

“Give light, then the darkness will disappear of itself.” ~Desiderius Erasmus

8. This is one of the most important things you can do to help yourself. Find ways to help someone else. Not because you feel obligated, but because you want to. Give and get hugs. You need them too. Give and accept all the love you can. Love is the greatest healer.

“Be not afraid of changing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.” ~Chinese Proverb

The journey back up is not easy. It takes time, and you may have to start over numerous times. But never ever give up. The will to live will always push you forward and give you the strength you need. You are meant to soar like an eagle. Accept help when it comes, but you have to flap your own wings.

I wish you joy in your heart and a smile on your face. You can make it.

Ten years ago as I watched the miners in Chile being rescued from underground, I couldn’t help thinking about other kinds of dark pits that we humans experience–the kind we can’t see or touch, but just as frightening–a place called depression. It seems as I have read from others it is like being lost in a black abyss with no way out.

I am also sure there are times when everyone feels a degree of depression. It’s part of our human experience. But some feel it down to a desperate place of soul suffering. Just as no one can fully understand the pain those miners went through, no one can fully understand the pain of depression unless they’ve been there, ‘been through it’ so to speak. But the darkness, fear, and despair can be equally painful. And being in a dark pit seems like an appropriate analogy.

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” ~John Wooden

As long as we’re in the human condition, we’re exposed to painful experiences–some on the outside, some on the inside, and some in both. But with depression, no matter the source of the pain, it seems to hurt everywhere. It can actually immobilize us to a state of inertia where it feels like a permanent condition from which there is no escape.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” ~Helen Keller

But just as those brave miners escaped, there is hope for those who know the prison of depression. There is in each of us a will to live. It’s our greatest gift–the key to freedom. We can use it if we search and find it. One step is one step closer to abundant life, and the first step could be the intention.

“A good intention clothes itself in power.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

In part two, I’ll talk about some steps we can take to crawl out of the dark pit. There is a way out, even if we can’t see it when we’re at the bottom. The light is there.