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Sick or not – being a ‘mommy’ comes first

This entry was written by Jaime Rossano. Jaime, an instructor at a play and music facility, is also a college student pursuing a degree in Humanities and Social Science. Every other Friday, Jaime will share a blog entry about her breast cancer experience. This year-long blog series is in honor of LBBC’s 20th anniversary.

To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.

Happy New Year! Ronnie was sick and ended up with a 102-degree fever and an ear infection in both ears. What a way to kick off the New Year. But still, things are starting to settle in.

I’m going through a nesting period. I haven’t felt this way since I was pregnant with Ronnie. This time I think it is worse because Ronnie is all I keep worrying about. Are we stocked on diapers? Do we have wipes? Is there toilet paper? Do we have juice and veggies? Wow, a lot goes on in the mind of a mommy, especially when she is sick. I just want to be prepared in case mommy can’t make it to the store for a week. Yes, I know that’s what daddies are for. But in my case, it’s what I do.

Just two days before I started chemo, it was so nice of my husband’s aunt to take the time out of her busy schedule to give me a cute pixie cut. I can’t help that I hated it so much! I came home, took a shower, sat on the toilet and cried so hard – I hate breast cancer…

It took me a total of 10 minutes after my shower to tell my husband, “I need you to do something. Get your clippers. You need you to shave my head.” “You’re not serious,” he said. I bent over the tub and there went the rest of my hair. I took a deep breath and felt like the world was lifted right off of my shoulders. I know it may seem a little drastic and a little early to do it – but what is the difference between now and 14 days from now? It’s going to fall out anyway.

January 10th rolled around – my first day of chemo. I woke up, got dressed, got Ronnie ready and out the door we went. I could hardly sleep the night before, dreaming of all the things I was going to feel, imagine, experience and live through. Ronnie was safe and sound at school. I, on the other hand, was sitting in my chemo room.

The room was not very personal. While all of us who were there for chemo sat rather cozy in the chemo chairs, some of us stared at each other or at the TV, and you could even catch some people snoring. I, on the other hand, continued to stare at the bag and the liquid that was dripping away through the tubes and into my body. I am a control freak but I have no control over what the nausea meds, steroids, and chemo is going to do to me.

I started my chemo session at 1:11 p.m. I should have played the lottery that day. I may have won. Around 3:30 p.m. I was done, ready to go home and take a nap. I felt a little weird but that was nothing compared to what was to come next – a wave of nausea and, oh yes, the headache had finally arrived. I felt like a train wreck.

For the next 5 days, I literally alternated between the couch, the bed and the floor for playtime with Ronnie. He adjusted very well to mommy not feeling well. It was cute. He sat right in the middle of me while I lay on my side to play with him. He even told me, “Mommy, drink your juice.” I felt so weak, so exhausted and so useless – but he just makes my heart melt.

The floor is the playground for Jaime and Ronnie – and she enjoys every moment of it!

A couple of days later, I’m finally able to say “I feel okay.” I’m not going to lie and tell you like other people have told me, “IT’S NOT THAT BAD.” All I can say is everyone’s experience is different. This is my journey and my journey is going to have several bumps in the road.

Earlier in the week I went out for the first time since chemo and showed off my new hair-do. I caught people looking at me in a confused way – it’s kind of funny. I still find it hard to look people in the eye to say “hi.” Maybe if I avoid eye contact, I will avoid the questions. So far, it’s been working. But I know sooner than later, I will have to face it…

How would you recommend that Jaime respond to any breast cancer related questions? Tell Jaime about your experiences with opening up about your diagnosis to family and friends who expressed concern. Comment here or on our Facebook page.

Be sure to read Jaime’s previous entries, by entering “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.

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20 thoughts on “Sick or not – being a ‘mommy’ comes first”

You survived your first round of chemo! I hope you are feeling a little better. You are right every body has a different experience. Just remember to rest and stay hydrated; listen to your body it will tell you what it needs. Ronnie will be your little knight in shining armor coming in to rescue his damsel in distress. Stay positive, stay focused because you are on the road to recovery.

As always I so enjoyed your blog. Question; are you planning on getting wiggy? Have a girls day at the wig store; it will be fun. Follow it up with lunch and lots of wine! (LOL).

Glad you’ve got the first round behind you. Yes, it’s definitely hard to be a Mommy while you’re going through all this. My 8-yr old asked me if she could draw on my head after my hair fell out. I had to laugh at her innocence! If there is a way, you may want to consider having Ronnie visit with friends or family during the worst days of the cycle – at least for a few hours, if not overnight here and there. You will miss him, but he will be having fun, and he will not be seeing you at your worst. In turn, you will be getting the rest you need, and the space to take off your “Mommy face” for a little while.

Your daughters comment was so precious. Did you let her do it? I made sure Ronnie was at daycare all day every day last week. I felt so guilty because he is usually only there two to three days and last week was 5. I know he is comfortable there and just adores his teachers so that is where he was while my mom on the other hand took care of me. Taking off Mommy face was hard because I love being a mommy but I knew for the days that were really bad I could take off that face.

I know what you mean…every “experience”with Chemo is different.I agree with you…It is “very”hard on your body,and spirit.I had Chemo from February 2010 thru August 2010,and it was rough!Believe me that’s a GROSS misrepresentation of the facts,haha!I don’t think I know an adjective to describe my experience without using “expletives”!For 6 whole months,I had Chemo,once every 3 weeks.And, out of each month I was blessed/lucky to get 4-5 “good” days.But…like you,I had an enormous amount of support,and I have a 26 y/o who I’d like to see married,and with kids one day…When people used to asked how is it…I always tell them the truth…To fasten your seatbelts…It’s going to be a bumpy ride! But,even though my daughter is 26, being a Mom to her,in the way I’ve always been,was priority #1.She had just gone back to school…and,I didn’t want to disrupt this new dream she had for her life.You know,my Mom used to always say,”Don’t worry Tonya,Tara is going to be just fine.What you planted…will bloom when the time is right”And, God rest her soul,she was right!I lost my Mom@46,and I was SO concerned because Tara was 26,and since she was 9 years old,it’s been “us against the world”.So,I knew my diagnosis was going to “shake”her very foundation.But,Mom was right,although she was “scared”she was going to lose me,she made me “so proud”the way she stepped up,and helped me run our household.She was a lioness!So,being a “mommy”doesn’t stop….Even when your child is grown.So,I pray that when you have those @#&$%! days…Know that it DOES get better,you CAN get through it! And, you WILL be looking at your experience,from the perspective of,”Wow,look what God has brought me through”!Sooner than you think…Be Well my Sister!

Jaime,
Your the only girl that I know who can pull off being beautiful, with being sick going through Chemo and bald. But you do have control you decided to remove your own hair before the Chemo did so I think thats really brave of you. I hope that through all of this you will love your self even more than before. You are such a good little Mommy. I miss you and your in my prayers. Mom and Dad say hi and they want me to tell you they love you. ❤ you XOXO

Hey Jaime,
I cant say that i know exactly what you are going through but you defiantly made me cry. I know what it feels like to have the stairs because as you remember my mother had to go through chemo and i remember the look on her face when people would stare and i could feel what she was feeling i know it hurts but like my dad said my mom had a way with her mouth and made people laugh, he said she would get them before they got her. I hope that you are feeling a little bit better and i love you and miss you.

Sweet Pea,
What a beautiful expression of who you are. I am so incredibly proud of your strength, love, passion, and ability to take control when at times it seems impossible. You, my baby girl, are my HERO! My heart bleeds that you must endure this difficult journey but know that you will not walk in the rain alone. I am here to shelter you from the storm! I watch you as you care for little ronnie and how he gazes into your eyes with such love and I just know when you look back at him what your heart feels. That is exactly how I feel for you. The bond between mother and child is a feeling that exceeds all others. You sweet pea are truly an amazing mom and I am so very proud of the young woman you have grown to be. Your love inspires those around you, your strength sends positive energy into the world. Stay strong, Be Fierce, Be YOU!!

Jaime,
You are one of the strongest people I have ever meet. All through out high school you were one of the strongest and loving people. You were one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. You will beat this just like you over came so many other obsicals in your life time. IF there is anything you ever need please call me. I can only say that if anyone can do it you can, once you put your mind to something you always accomplish it!!

I am jannet,from what I can read. It has been sad news and scam to everyone about Voodoo casters or so. But to me they are so real cause one worked for me not quite two weeks. I traveled down to where his shrine his and we both did the ritual and sacrifice. and now me and my ex are living very ok now.I don’t know about you but Voodoo is real;love marriage,finance, job promotion ,lottery Voodoo,poker voodoo golf Voodoo,Law & Court case Spells,it’s all he does. I used my money to purchase everything he used he never collected a dime from. He told me I can repay him anytime with anything from my heart. Now I don’t know how to do that. If you can help or you need his help write him on nativedoctor101@live.com Thank you.

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