Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.Richard Jeni

Love is what we call the situation which occurs when two people who are sexually compatible discover that they can also tolerate one another in various other circumstances. Marc Maihueird

The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders. Linda Festa

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. Dave Attell

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? Rita Rudner

I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don’t wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too. Maria Bamford

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. Sharon Stone

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. Cindy Gardner

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means. Henny Youngman

It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. Laurence J. Peter

Yeah, relationships are pretty cool, but have you ever heard of pizza? Unknown