I realize that your workshop may have already bred and raised a pony for me, but our recent doubling of the household rabbit population is already straining our feed budget. And despite having a large backyard, it is already occupied by a Great Dane larger than most ponies.

Surely there is a child somewhere dreaming of a small horse, and their parents cannot provide it? Given that we are now assured of seeing a Division I college football championship game for the ages, it would be churlish and greedy of me to receive a pony in their stead. Please forward the animal to some deserving boy or girl instead of our house.

Respectfully yours,

Matt Osborne

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About Matt Osborne

Veteran blogging the culture wars from Alabama. Video journalist, mash-up artist, aspiring novelist, and metalhead. Expect bunnies, geekery, dark humor, and snarky empirical analysis to annoy idealists of all stripes. You can follow me on Twitter, but be ready 'cause it might get loud.