After subjecting the photo to several photoshop filters and carefully measuring the apparent size of the bench, I have determined that Ronald McDonald is approximately 7 feet tall. The dermal ridges on his feet show much scarring, likely from french-fry grease being spilled and walked upon.

Testing of a white, greasy compound found near the scene has been completed: it is either clown makeup, mayonaisse or yak fur.

Some aspiring artist should paint a picture like the Bogart/James Dean in a late nite diner scene…only with squatch, chupacabra, a gray (alien), nessie, all sitting there having a cup of joe. Think anyone would enjoy the irony?