Posts Tagged online dating

Hello!!! Party of 1? Party of 2? If you’re reading this, then we know we have a party of at least 2 so that’s something to be excited about!

I’ve decided that I should never have abandoned this glorious blog years ago when I accepted a position that sucked the life out of me. Perhaps this would have helped me keep a little of me during those dark days.

Either way, as I’ve reconnected with www.jenniefromtheblock.com, I’ve been entertained as I consider the “OLD” me and the “NEW” me. Ironically, I’m older and definitely know it. However, the new me doesn’t put up with some of the dating ridiculousness that the older version once considered acceptable. I reread some posts and thought, “poor girl, she was unfortunately naive and gives a real life example of what one means when they say ‘Bless her heart!'” As such, I’ve decided I need to write a blog post with such a title. And I will!

But, now that I’ve had a little vacation from my lovely blog, I’ve decided to shoot off my thoughts and feelings without worry. I used to agonize over finding the right pictures (I even wrote a blog post about the picture exploration process) and now, this time, moving forward, I’m going to try to just have fun and not get bogged down in the pretty.

I wish I could spend all of my time recounting all of my bad dates and then to shift so that I could share my love story as it unfolds. But, I make no promises other than to stop lying dormant, to try to avoid my personal pitfalls of perfectionism, and to put myself out there.

And hopefully I will be a little funny or poignant or interesting at times.

He was interested in meeting for sushi for our first date, which was to be held on a Tuesday.

The date was fine. As an attorney, there was an air of formality that wafted through the air. I don’t remember much about the date except that I couldn’t have cared less if we’d gone out again.

However, I probably would have gone out with him again. Had he asked.

(This is a lovely example of the fact that I always give guys more chances than are warranted. I would have given him another chance to connect with me. That part is true.)

That second date never had a chance to come to fruition. Sunday morning, I woke to a blinking light. I had a voicemail.

Jennie,

You’re a wonderful girl. Clearly you are. But…

I don’t think we should go out again because… well, I’M CRAZY.

You’re probably thinking – he’s not crazy. I know so-and-so who did such-and-such. So, how could he be crazy.

But, I AM.

I drink too much. I gamble too much. I talk too much. I’m just crazy. And, well, I think you’re a great girl. Truly, you are. But don’t think we should go on a second date because I’m crazy.

I wish you the best of luck. I love you. Goodbye.

So that’s the world I live in. Seemingly normal date = much craziness.

I run into Abe from time to time.

Once, a friend of mine asked me if I knew Abe because someone wanted to fix them up on a blind date. I told her NO WAY and that he was crazy. The next thing, I saw him across the way. Abe was at the counter of the bar where we were sitting. I told him that I’d just blocked his chance at romance and asked if I was wrong and if he really didn’t think that he was crazy but was just not interested in me and had an odd way of letting me know.

Many men are afflicted with a terrible disease identified as phonus interruptus. This deadly and deeply annoying disease rares its head much of the time and can be infectious to important relationships because of its toxic nature.

What I am talking about now is the tendency of men to allow calls, texts, emails, and game scores to interrupt quality time. And this must stop. It is rude and communicates that whatever is happening on the phone is more important than the person in front of them.

And, when it comes to dating, this disease becomes almost a joke in its inexcusability.

How is a man supposed to court a woman at a romantic dinner while his phone beeps incessantly and he picks it up to reply to the texts?

I was once on a romantic trip with a man whose phone alerted him every few minutes as to the score of the latest football game.

Couples now need to define their digital rules early in the relationship. How much phonus interruptus is too much? Which situations are okay versus those that aren’t.

For me, I have the same attitude about digital as I do about jealousy. If someone wants to be with me, he will be with me. If he wants to be with someone else (including via texting, email, game scores), he should go be with them. I’m out.

I have been so hopeful, so romantic, so sickly optimistic to have ventured out on more blind dates than I can count. And, the one I’m about to share is not the worst. And it is not the best. However, it is a great example of how fun blind dates can be.

Scott and I were fixed up by a mutual friend and we had plans to go to dinner. The day of our date arrived and I pulled out all of the stops so that, when the doorbell rang, I was feeling pretty darn attractive and that Scott was a lucky guy to be going out with me that night. [Side note: this was years ago, when guys actually picked girls up for dates and girls weren’t so worried about guys being stalkers that they let them.]

I let Scott in for a few minutes and he started looking around my place. He was okay looking. He had apparently suffered from quite a few skin issues at some point that had left their mark, but fine overall. I could highlight other imperfections but that’s enough for now. I just want you to understand that he was not the best looking guy I’ve ever been out with so that you’re prepared for the magnitude of what he said next while looking at a picture of me.

You look really pretty… at some angles.

My jaw dropped. Did he just say that I looked good some of the time?

What?

I replied. Hoping I had misheard him.

This is a great picture of you. You look pretty at certain angles.

I still wasn’t sure that I understood. And, since my fatal flaw is that I give every idiot more of a chance than they deserve, I laughed it off and said,

That’s probably not the best thing to say on a first date.

And I moved on. I know people have said that particular picture of me looks like Courtney Cox and I don’t think I look like her but he apparently picked up on the…certain angles that made other people say I might look like her. The rest of the night was fine. I tried to forget how the night began and it worked well enough.

Again, with me giving too many chances… I said yes when he asked me out again. We met his friends for dinner with the plan of going for drinks downtown afterwards. I teased him at dinner about his comment. His friends thought it was funny and I thought maybe he realized his error.

I WAS SO WRONG.

While we were heading for the car, he reiterated his earlier sentiment about me and “certain angles.” I was shocked. And not so pleased. But, maybe he didn’t understand what an ass he was. Maybe I was taking him too seriously. Maybe I’m an idiot. But, I tried to lightly and playfully let him know that he had overstepped. So, I took on a light tone of voice and said,

Hey now…if we didn’t already have plans to go out downtown with your friends, I’d ask you to take me home.

He got in the car and started driving me towards home. I was shocked that he didn’t want to redirect me and let me know that he didn’t mean it. Apparently, he did. Oh, how I love blind dates!!

I don’t think I have spent enough time dissecting the new world of online dating. If one out of every five couples getting married these days met online, then it’s obviously working out okay. My friends have been successful in online dating and married wonderful men they met on eHarmony, Match.com, and jDate. I, on the otherhand, have not been quite so lucky. And, shame on me – with so much material out there.

Most of the time, I change the names to protect the guilty, but have opted to out this guy just a bit as I don’t actually know him.

His screen name was “Hulkman.” So, he must be quite the manly man…who knows? I never met him. He looked to be an attractive guy. His profile said he was originally from Spain and currently living in Austin.

His initial email was rather brief:

Hi, How are You doing I’m Dennis and You

I checked him out. Our religious beliefs differ and we’re both very serious about our faiths. He was out so I opted not to respond. (I’m the kind of person who always feels compelled to reply so it has been a big deal for me to just opt not to say anything at all.) A few days later, I received the following message:

Hi,

It’s a pleasure writing you and I must say you deserve it because you are beautiful.I guess I was caught by the web of your beauty. I will be happy sharing myself with you. I have read your profile and I have seen all that is written on it.As I came across your profile on this site, I felt butterflies over me because You are irresistible. I do believe that GOD spent extra time creating some people and you’re among them.

I hope we can be friends and see how it goes. The distance should not stop whats meant to be I guess. I firmly believe no distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each others worth, remember miles may lie between us, we’re never far apart, for
friendship doesn’t count the miles, it’s measured by the heart and that brings happiness ,cos happiness is the only thing on earth that cannot be paid by any diamonds, gold or money.Take good care of yourself and I’ll look forward to hearing from you soon.fallinghrt19@yahoo.com

Hugs and Kisses,

Dennis.

Does this actually work on some girls? What on earth his he talking about? And, given that we live in the same city, what is all of this distance we can overcome?

One of my friends told me to go out with him to have a good story. I asked her if she thought I was lacking in content (I beg to differ). In the meantime, Hulkman removed his profile and has disappeared in to the atmosphere. So, his story ends here… but lives on in the hearts and minds of my three readers.

Women spend a lot of time mourning the death of chivalry. And, in my opinion, this is rightly so. At the same time, there’s an even bigger problem. We are not only throwing in the towel on chivalry and expecting very little but are also exacerbating things by enabling men to completely discard R-E-S-P-E-C-T too.

(If you’re one of the folks looking for sex, not relationships, you’re going to disagree with the rest of this post so close out now.)

Without respect, who even cares about chivalry?

I could offer up so many examples regarding the demise of respect but will share a few that are currently top of mind for me right now.

New Etiquette Rules

With the advent of so many different communication alternatives, guys have begun a siege on texting, instant messaging, and email. Instead of saying they want to talk on the phone, they’ve begun sharing their phone numbers so that their craving for instant gratification may be quenched without fear of rejection and without attempts at actual speaking. And, in the world of online dating, whole relationships can begin and end before two people have even heard one another’s voices.

One guy kept texting me:

I want you.

Really? We’ve never met, I’ve let him know that I’m more of the refined variety relative to him, but this is what I get? When I didn’t comment, he brought it up again. I told him that it didn’t warrant a response as we weren’t at a place where it was appropriate. He said:

Get your head out of the gutter. I didn’t mean it like that.

Oh, ok. Lovely.

So, it’s a special day when a guy actually takes the time and makes an effort to engage in a telephone conversation. But, in this new world where respect is no more, that isn’t always a good thing. A friend of mine is back on the dating scene after a twenty-five year marriage and asked,

During one of our first phone calls, he asked me what turned me on. It made me uncomfortable so I let him know. I haven’t heard back from him.

She was concerned that she had turned him off by being honest. Why is it bad that she was sharing her feelings? Why was it ok for him to try to get her to talk sexy before they’ve ever met. In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve been out with that same guy. It has been a while and she asked me if I knew him when he originally got in touch with her. He and I only went out a few times. No big deal. But, he was a gentleman. With me. And, now he’s asking about turn-ons? Ugh!

My Dream Email

I feel guilty not spending more time setting this one up. Maybe I’ll come back and explain how one of his initial emails explained (referring to his level of religious observance) that

it’s cute and circumcised and all…

I explained to him (via email) that I wasn’t his girl but would be happy to explain why that might be. I expressed to him that someone who is discussing his penis in the second email isn’t my guy but that there are girls out there who might find that cute. He told me that his goal had been to see how I would react… and now he knew. Later that day, he realized that he would actually like to date me and began the process of apologizing for his earlier transgressions.

Stupid me. I gave him another chance. And, just as I was trying to figure out when I would have a night open for him to come to town, I got this email:

Hello,

I want to spend the night. I can be there by the time you get home from your date.

We can eat brunch and I can leave.

Light petting and kissing are desired and talking will completely be up to you since my stay might overlap your quiet time.

Date, time, and length of visit are flexible and fully adjustable to accommodate your active schedule.

I think your special and I like thinking about you all the time. Soon, I will actually play with your kitty and Abby too :).

Regards,

Let me point out that my cat’s name is Abbie and that my kitty that he is referring to is not a cat. I didn’t even notice that part initially as I was incensed that he wanted to spend the night AS the first date. I let him know that was inappropriate and unbelievable. No response. I began to worry that he was going to show up on my doorstep unannounced. Who else would be that rude and presumptuous?

Two weeks passed and I received this text:

I’ve been thinking about you

It took everything I had not to reply. I desperately wanted to give him a piece of my mind.

Instead, I decided to recognize that, while I’ve been pretty lucky and have had annoying, miserable, ridiculous dates, most guys haven’t been this bad. Thank goodness.

And, why aren’t their mamas teaching them how to respect?

I seem to be in the midst of a trend of being reminded of positive experiences with men of my past. Kind of a bummer (well, sort of) since I started this blog to share the “so bad they’re funny” dates of my past. Oh well! I’m enjoying my stroll down memory lane.

So, out of the blue, I received a LinkedIn request from a guy I met back in 2003; S was an aspiring country artist and we had a fun adventure one night that I will describe in my next post…

But, for today, I thought it would be fun to go grab some images to be used in the blog post.

COWBOY: Since S is a country guy, I googled “cowboy.” Up popped pictures of men on horses. Boring.

SEXY COWBOY: I was hoping for a sexy man so I tried again.”Sexy cowboy” brought me sexy, shirtless men. I wanted a guy with a shirt and a hat who looks like he could be a country singer. Hadn’t found him yet.

HOT COWBOY: Now… these images that made me blush! All of the men were shirtless in the pictures and MANY of them were bottomless as well. And, to make matters worse, I was truly shocked! I realize that naked pictures (and other things) are available on the web. I just tend to forget about it as that’s not my goal of search.

I have officially given up for the day. After feeling like I flipped through a Playgirl thinking it was In Style, I think I’ll try again tomorrow. Or the next day.

Sometimes we have the unique experience of meeting someone at a special time and knowing that we have been there for them, they have been there for us, or that something special has occurred. Airplanes and airports are fascinating places to observe and engage. There is a sense of anonymity we find when we are sitting next to a stranger on a plane or in a terminal. Some people put on headphones and disconnect from it all. Admittedly, I have my moments of tuning it all out. But then there are times when I find that I was in the right place at the right time.

Mourning Coffee

I was once sitting in first class next to a man whose wife was in coach. I offered to switch seats with her so they could be together. I had my reading club book ready to go and was looking forward to quietly reading. But, my book could wait. The man must have needed to talk to a stranger right then or didn’t want to send me to the virtual “back of the bus” in the sky.

We ordered coffee from the flight attended and then he explained to me that he was flying to his mother’s funeral. It was obvious that he was incredibly sad and needed some comfort. So, I gently asked him about her and he shared as much and as little as he wanted. We talked about other things, none of which I remember. I just know that I tried to allow for any silences he might need but also to help him get through the flight as well. The flight passed quickly and, when we landed, he thanked me. It seemed I had been in the right place at the right time to help him get through that leg of travel. I had made a small difference in someone’s life that day and I felt good about it. There are definitely some things more important than books. Thank goodness I didn’t put on my headphones the moment I got on the plane and tuned him out.

Making Time for Love

Houston Hobby Airport is one of the slowest airports I’ve ever been to in the middle of the day. When I arrived at my terminal, I was convinced I was in a closed section of the airport and needed to find my gate because I was clearly nowhere near any activity. I discovered I was actually in the right place. I just didn’t seem to have a whole lot of company.

Then, Jason came on the scene. A tall, ruggedly handsome guy and the only person in a mile radius (it seemed). SI have no idea how our conversation started or how we ventured onto relationships but, before we knew it, we were sharing. Jason was having trouble understanding why a girl he was dating wasn’t more accepting of the fact that he worked long hours and that his job was and would have to be a priority. I suggested to him that he really didn’t like her that much. He stared at me in surprise. I shared with him that, if he really liked her, he would be figuring out how he could see her more. Not, telling her to “deal with it” because he was so busy with work.

That was in 2005.

We have kept in touch since then, him emailing to ask if I’ve found my Jewish husband yet, me emailing to find out if he has found a girl more important to him than his work. He was in town a few years ago and we had a really fun night together (he was one of my Valentine’s Day dates that year, as it happens). We even talked about whether there was a way for us to consider dating since we seemed to get along so well. We decided we were better off as friends.

Yesterday, I got this text:

I mean really… How many people do you actually meet at an airport? You were just crossing my mind.

My reply:

You’re my one and only.

Today, I looked him up on Facebook and saw that his relationship status has been changed to “in a relationship.” It sounds like Jason found a girl worth making time for…

William and I met at a retreat when I was 13 and he was 15. He looked like a cross between the scary kid in Children of the Corn and Ducky from Pretty in Pink. (For the record, he’s better looking than either or both combined). We lived in different cities but didn’t seem particularly concerned about that.

For a fifteen year-old, William knew what he wanted, had no qualms about getting it, and never went after anything with a lukewarm attitude. He was all in! I think he’s still that way, too!

I recently had the pleasure of catching up with him for a brief time a few weeks ago. It sparked so many memories that I have no doubt that some immensely entertaining moments have been left out. I have had a blast reflecting on the many adventures of William. Some have to do with me, others do not. Regardless, I think everything having to do with William is quite fabulous. I hope William will forgive me for any oversights…or overshares.

I have opted to share a handful of William stories. However, there are many more!

Best/Worst Kiss

William was my third kiss and, now that I think about it, we may have kissed the night we met. If not, it was the following day. What a hussie! Back to the longest kiss of my life… It felt like it might go on forever. When it was finally over, I was convinced that my lip had been burst by the tooth that William was using to filet my face. I had no doubt that I was bleeding. I was so embarrassed that I had to find a friend to go to the kitchen to grab some ice for my swollen lip. It really was only slightly swollen and there was no blood but, for someone so young and with such limited experience, it was overwhelming.

Alternately, William later told me that it was his best kiss. Ever. Well, for a fifteen year-old. Talk about a complete difference in perspective! It taught me a good lesson that two people may experience the same thing but have entirely different perspectives and opinions.

That was not our last kiss and nor was it representative of his future kisses. But, it was certainly quite a start!

Phone Company Trick

William and I started “dating” or whatever you might do when you live in different cities and might see each other a few times a year. Somehow he had come to realize that he knew a way to outsmart the phone company. (For my young readers out there, we used to only have land lines to make phone calls. And, any long distance calls were assessed a fee per minute that could add up quite quickly). But, William knew a special number he could dial before making a call that would ensure that he wasn’t charged for long distance calls. Brilliant plan for our long distance relationship!

As it turned out, William’s “special” code didn’t actually keep the fees from being added to the monthly phone bill… it just delayed the bill. So, when the delayed bills came, William owed thousands of dollars and had to get a job ASAP to reimburse them. Oops!

I’m Dating a… Drag Queen?

William and I didn’t typically see each other between retreats. So, each time we saw each other there was a little awkwardness. But,nothing could have prepared me for the “strip tease” he and Neil performed the first night of the next retreat. They dressed up in women’s clothes, adorned the make-up and proceeded to perform a pseudo-strip tease. What was most distressing to me was how much William looked like a girl. Neil looked like the few cross dressers I’ve met (masculine but wearing women’s clothes) but William was PRETTY. And, it completely freaked me out. I kept thinking that I’d kissed that person who looked like a girl and I couldn’t quite cope so I had to leave the room. Took me a while to get over it!

Sexy Lingerie Scare

William and I kept in touch (obviously, since I saw him recently) even after our romance subsided. So I went to Houston to visit him somewhere close to my sixteenth birthday. My cousin was living in Houston at the time so I stayed with her. William and I had a great platonic night catching up and hanging out. At the end of the evening, he handed me my birthday present which, to my delight, I opted not to open in front of him. Thank goodness!

The card read,

I don’t expect to be the person who sees you in this so I hope whoever does enjoys it. Happy Birthday!

I unfolded the tissue in the box which revealed a white lace bra, panty, and garter matching set. My cousin and I couldn’t stop laughing when I opened it. And, of course, I turned bright red. Sadly, by the time I would have considered donning such a sexy outfit, I had already outgrown it. Bummer.

Plane Infiltration

William was dating a girl named Jessica. And, as was his pattern for a while, it was a long distance relationship. She lived in New York. She was upset with him about whatever type of thing a teenage girl might be upset with her boyfriend about. So, he decided to fly to New York to see her. Without a ticket.

This was during that time in our history that my younger readers might not even know existed. Friends, family, and whoever else could go to the gate for flights versus have to have a ticket in hand in order to pass through security. So, William was able to get to the gate of the plane he targeted, no problem. Then, all he had to do was get on the plane. So, he tossed his backpack into the boarding walkway when the flight attendant wasn’t looking. Then, he told her he’d left his backpack on the plane and needed to retrieve it. Next thing you know… he was on! Crazy, huh?

William’s Professional Goals

William and I saw each other at least once a year until I went to college. He even went with me to my prom as my platonic date! Frequently, our long term goals would come up.

I’m going to be a psychologist.

I’d say. He would reply:

Psychologists are screwed up. More than everyone else.

This was coming from the child of two psychologists who definitely felt like he got the raw end of the deal. When I asked him about his future plans, he would reply with two words:

A bum.

You’re not really going to be a bum. What do you really want to do?

Be a bum.

Haha. Funny. Seriously – what do you want to b when you grow up?

A bum.

End of conversation. So, what did William end up deciding to do with his life? He became a research scientist. And, for the last ten years, has been working on developing a vaccine for cancer.

That is All

William is awesome. I could keep going, talking about the time he tried to teach me to drive a stick shift on his Volvo, the time I saw him naked (accidentally) when I was fourteen, the time he took me to prom, the time he kissed me when he shouldn’t have, and the time I went to his wedding on the wrong night so missed the whole thing. But, I will save those stories for another time. For now, I’ll take a moment to be grateful that he’s still my friend. More than twenty years later…