Tow Law Town announce Big Dave sponsorship

Northern League Division 2 club Tow Law Town became the latest north-eastern football club to exploit the booming poverty and misery industry as they announced a sponsorship deal with Big Dave, a usurer who has kept the Felling, Pelaw and Carr Hill areas supplied with a ready supply of doorstep credit since 1976.

"This is a great deal for The Lawyers", a club statement read, "which will provide funds to manager Ian Davison to invest in the team and allow us to renovate the Ironworks Road ground. Big Dave has assured us that the money he's putting in is not a loan but very definitely a shirt sponsorship given that the club is at the heart of new and emerging markets that Dave is beginning to set up operations in".

Big Dave has been looking to expand beyond his traditional Felling boundaries for some time and sees the tie-up with Tow Law as a key part of that. "Many people are suffering economically in the north-east at the moment and my operation is in a position to help. Positioning ourselves in the heart of Tow Law alongside the football club allows us to spread ourselves further across the area and help more people".

Concerns have been raised about the business practices of Big Dave with widespread reports of arbitrary interest rates and physical violence enacted on those struggling to keep up with repayments. Dave himself refutes that, saying that "Nobody has ever complained to me or my operatives, and our customer satisfaction is rated highly by the surveys we conduct regularly. We offer a service to the most vulnerable in society who cannot get credit elsewhere. It's just unfortunate that so many of them seem to fall down the stairs shortly after our operatives seek the payments our clients promise to keep up. It's not like we're doing anything companies such as Wonga don't".

This is not a bad idea but I think the writing could be a bit sharper. I suggest try cutting the quotes down to a single sentence to start with, and go from there. Have some stars to keep you going in the meantime; more available if you keep up the payments.

Incidentally, I think I'm right in saying that Wonga sponsored Blackpool last year and very little was said. Why is it that Wonga sponsoring Newcastle is now attracting so much criticism?

I can't remember where exactly, it might have been Fulham, but I remember a ground I went to many years ago that had an advertising board by the side of the pitch that read, 'Depressed? Suicidal? Call the Samaritans on ....'