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How To Spot a Christian Girl

*The following post is mostly satirical. Which parts are which? I will leave that to you to decide*

Being a single guy at Texas A&M it is almost required for me to find an Aggie girl and propose to her under the Century Tree before I graduate.

Therefore, I have two more years to find the lucky (or unlucky) lady that I will team up with and tackle the adventures of life together. And this girl could be anywhere, she could be anyone. Maybe I am sitting next to her in class, or maybe we have been unknowingly passing each other on campus for the past two years. My point is that my Aggie sweetheart is somewhere out there.

But how do I know it is her when I see her? Am I just waiting to lock eyes with this beautiful woman in the MSC and immediately fall madly in love, run off to the century tree, and live happily ever after? Probably not. Actually definitely not, because if a girl wants to marry me at first sight well…

Most likely I will date a girl for 6 to 12 months, talk to her dad, be rejected by her dad, talk to him again, take out a second mortgage on a house I am yet to own, and then propose to her under the century tree. So step one is finding a girl to date. And being a Christian guy I want to find a Christian girl to date. However, being an engineer I don’t know how to talk to people, especially girls I am attracted to. Therefore, I have come up with a way to figure out if a girl is Christian without ever having to talk to her. Genius I know.

Now I am not saying how to find those Christian girls that wear ankle length skirts with turtle necks, and make you date her dad for six months before you can talk to her. These girls are not the ones I am after because one they scare me, and two I am not in the game of dating men, just ask Jerry <Click here for a story about Jerry>.

Chaco’s – I do not know what this has to do with being a Christian, but almost every girl I know that is Christian not only owns a pair of Chaco’s but wears them regularly. I think it has something to do with Jesus wore sandals or something. I don’t understand it I just know that is what Christian girls wear

Kavu backpack – this bag is a simple one strap backpack that serves as a substitute for a purse and is the perfect size to fit a bible and a journal, as well as all the other girly stuff like lip gloss and snacks.

Some form of a purity ring – now these rings aren’t always a cross on the third finger of the left hand. It can be found on any finger. The way you can determine if it’s a purity ring or just another ring she got at James Avery is if it has a heart on it. If the ring contains some type of heart, then most likely it is a purity ring. Unfortunately, this can also represent a promise ring from a boyfriend, so be careful when you encounter a ring.

Bible app on iPhone – Now this is a little harder to figure out, and if you are caught snooping through the phone of a girl you have never met, well, that basically ruins your chances. I only recommend this in special situations. Such as if you’re at the gym and they have taken their rings off and aren’t wearing Chaco’s to workout in.

Wears an Impact or Breakaway shirt – This one requires you to stalk the pretty lady for a few days until she cycles through a ministry related T – shirt, such as one from Impact camp but any college ministry will suffice. From my experience it takes about 5 days to figure out if she is involved in a ministry. However this may take longer, I recommend stopping after 30 days to ensure a thorough investigation.

Fitbit – now this is only 75% of the time but for some reason Christian girls want to stay fit and think that if their steps are counted they burn more calories. I don’t understand this science, but then again there is a lot I don’t understand about women.

Meets with other girls in coffee shop – When you are stalking the girl to see if she owns a ministry related t – shirt take note if she ever visits another girl at a coffee shop. This is called discipleship where the older girl teaches and mentors the younger girl on their relationship with Christ. This is a sure fire way to know that she is a good Christian girl and worth the risk of talking to her.

Some people say it is easier to talk to a girl and simply ask if they’re Christian and then ask them on a date. But I am an engineer and girls scare me. So this way is significantly better. Now what do I do once I determine she is a Christian girl that is my age? I am not sure I’ve never gotten that far, I keep being told “stop following me” or “give me back my phone.” Once I figure out the next step I will be sure to tell you.

Until then, make good choices, share if you like what I said, comment if you have something to add, give that follow button a hit, and I will see you on Thursday.

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5 thoughts on “How To Spot a Christian Girl”

I enjoyed what you wrote but my advice would be, that if you are a Christian and you truly want a wife, the Lord will bring her to you and it might not be in the way you think.. I met my husband at a Tough Love meeting because we both had problems with teenage girls. We were married 2 1/2 months later, and that was 30 years ago come next February. In my experience looking for someone never works.