Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Soul Searching

After graduating, I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. Some serious soul searching needs to be done. My best option is to just send a million applications out and see what bites. I have so many options its unfortunately paralyzing. The problem is that theres this phenomenon where when faced with many options or possible decisions I sometimes end up choosing one of the worst ones. I can't remember exactly where I read it but it is a common phenomenon.

For the first time in my life I lack any real direction. Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me go do this, and I could go do it. Right now my life is completely in my own hands and it just feels weird to not be tied down anywhere. Its like opening a door and on the other side there's 50 tunnels leading down different paths, some of which have a beacon of light at the end but the end is so far off I can't tell which do and which don't. The problem is some tunnels may collapse and others may lead to happiness, but I have no idea where each will take me.

My options really lie in just where I want to live. Sometimes I feel like a fresh start would be perfect and other times I realize how important being near friends and family really is. They've all been there for me whenever I've needed, and I really appreciate everything everyone has done for me. I would never have made it this far in life if it wasn't for them. Unfortunately I've never been anywhere completely and utterly alone, even when I studied abroad in Japan I was with friends. On the other hand I've moved all over the place throughout my life and was fine making new friends. Having moved around so much as a kid a part of me just wants to move one place and live there. A sense of community and belonging is important.

Over all of this uncertainty there is one thing I do know, the most important thing to me is happiness.