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"Why," you ask? Because we want profile pages to have freedom of customization, but also to have some consistency. This way, when anyone visits a deviant, they know they can always find the art in the top left, and personal info in the top right.

the voyage was almost deliberately difficult. the sea was relentless in it's storminess and I vomited almost 90% of the time.

which, consequently, lead to me getting little to no sleep.

my crew on the other hand seem to have a little agenda of their own.shuffling from place to place, begging for some dry land on their feet and I can agree with them on at least that.

luckily I was able to, using my inborn magicness, ferment alchohol from the sea water I had them collect in buckets off the sides.

so obviously, we spent most nights at sea hosting drinking contests and one by one, slowly pass out over the commons table shortly afterward which left me with the most horrible stomach cramp.

Why did I sign up for this?... oh wait... fame and fortune, how silly of me to doubt myself. Like I would let some my inexperience at sea slow me down.

"hey guys could you stop the boat for a sec" I ordered weakly, my stomach was churning and just as upset as it ever was. curse those retched sea dragons, making this treasure hunt considerably more difficult than it should be with their wave summoning, and storm enchanting and UGHH I hate them so much.

my navigator was quick to provide me with good news

"but sir, according to my navigational calculations, were almost to the first island, just a few more kilometers"

my navigator was startled at my sudden change in mood and attitude and he just nodded with a stupefied look on his face.

I let go of him, ran to the front of the ship, I think its called the stern, and squinted my eyes at the horizon.

"need I say it... oh what the hellside.. LAND HO.." I was interrupted by a sudden vibrating in my right pants pocket, I checked the Identification protocol on my PMA, it read: HELLSIDE/MOBILE COMPACT/VERA

I looked closer at the screen, vera? why is she calling, doesent she know know the gourmet gauntlet is over? no, no it cant be...THAT, does she really have...with me?

I pressed the answer hologram on the ice like glass and she appeared on the screen instantly.

Vera was somehow different this time... Her expression was a lot softer and displayed a lot less anger, her "fur" looked more glossy than usual and her eyes were noticeably less bloodshot.

it was as if she was putting on this authoritative façade the whole time and that the double G was over, she could act her normal self.

"Rega HI!!!" she was of course, as childlike and bombastic as before, if not more.

"okay, I know this is not the best time to be calling you right now but I just wanted to thank you for what a stellar assistant you were back at the gourmet gauntlet, you totally wrecked the competition, they weren't expecting as smart, brave, cunning as you. Oh and that gun helps too"

I blushed at her oratory, I never knew a demon imp could be so grateful and sweet.

I felt a poke on the back of my shoulder and turned around, ohhh, yeah, almost forgot about my first mate.

"ohh whats this," he flared his brow trying to be smartass, I immediately covered the sound in sigil so vera couldent hear the embarrassing interruption. "getting a call from a certain someone?"

"no, its just a colleague from my last job I defended"

"ohhh, office romance... nice" he smirked like a schmuck and then procceded to snatch the phone out of my hands.

"now lets see what we got here" my navigator said inquisitively. "ohh..wow.. an imp..a demon imp at that.. I didn't know you were in to interspec...."

I slapped him in the face and took my PMA back from his greasy claws.

"GET BACK TO YOUR POST!!" I commanded In an authoritave manner.

"im terribly sorry about that vera, my crew mates haven't seen a woman in quite a while."

"oh its quite alright bad boy, I get a lot of flower cat calls everytime I'm ever seen in public. I am a famous pastry chef after all, so I am used to it, there just all gold diggers anyway"

"well I'm not surprised" i commented, oh crap, she could take that the wrong way, i just accidently flirted with her.

luckily she merely gave a little girly giggle.

"you know when I first met you that you met all my expectation and exceeded them, so i offer you this"

she bulged her eyes and smiled manically "when you get back from the treasure hunt I want you be my apprentice"

... just woah, she, the master demon baker of hell side, has invited me to be her personal apprentice. its... I don't know.

"Vera... i wasn't expecting this but umm..." i pursed my lips in thought "just give some tome to mull it over okay."

she calmed down and sighed in understanding while keeping positive.

"okay, I guess your right, no need to rush things, well.. have fun on this little treasure hunt thingy of yours bye!!" with that she hung up with the most cutest expression on her face.

okay, its official, I really do like that girl.

i also wonder why that manticore whos driving this junk heap is so quiet

but I have to focus, there's treasure to find and points to score and native island inhabitants to exploit.

When we made landfall, I managed to take out some of my old sigil chalk from my satchel and stared drawing runes around the edges of the rusty old fixer up PT boat.

"Watch this" I said to my crew as I stated the activation hym "CARA REFRACARE AREA"

instantly the ship appeared to be entirely invisible.

"none of the rules said I couldn't use magic, no once can paint our buffalo hide if they cant even see the ship hehe" man I'm such genius. "now lets go look for our first treasure"

the island was small with not much life on it, the treasure was also just waiting for us above ground.

they didn't even bother to bury it.

it was a small wooden doll, i picked it up and noticed it had a small compartment, I opened it to see...2...tickets to a world renowned 5 star twin luxuries resort.

"okay... this is going to be a problem" I said to the rest of my salt water glazed crew as I was thinking over the impossible economics of 2 tickets to the twin resorts with 3 people being in my crew.

what to do, what to do I thought to myself over running my paw-hand through my head fur in frustration.

I'm going to have to settle for either the prizon escapee fox mutt or the the prizon escapee mani...

"only two tickets? is this some kind of sick joke?!" my mutt navigator exclaimed in panic. it wasint just unfair, it was sadistic that they would assume a crew would be limited to 2 people, crews in reality number up to 3-5 people on even the smallest of ocean going ships.

the metal parrot just simply perched on a nearby branch, wating....and watching.

they knew...those bastards knew that I was going to come across this trophy and they were watching the drama ensue.

That parrot is not just a "shaperone", its, in reality a live broadcast camera. Every waking moment, every cutthrough decision, all our movements, tracked, monitored, watched...

How could I tell, I saw its eyes, the iris focusing in on me in a deliberate attempt to watch the drama unfold.

My crew were standing patiently in place, waiting in anticipation on who is chosen to accompany me to twin luxuries.

Then, like getting hit by a train, a cold sweat hit me to my very core, that blasted rusted metal parrot was there when I was embarrassed by that unexpected phonecall from vera.

anyone who owned any form of televisor wheter magical or technological, saw every embarrassing detail.

I am pissed at this point as I slowly and methotically walked towards the automaton, leaned forward, and stopped just infront of it's iris eyes.

"Yeah, that's right, I admit it, I'm harboring fugitives, so freaking what!! we aren't part of someone's sick excuse for entertainment and I don't give a crap if I broke whatever counries law these 2 escaped from"

the 2 fugitives widened their eyes in surprise that I was defending them on live television, I'm basically taking responsibility for everything and I mean everything.

"heres my message to all those watching, were not here for your sick amusement, we came here expecting to make something out of ourselves and you just pissed on our dreams by giving us a flawed reward.

Fuck this prize,Fuck the treasure hunt"

I pulled out my gun on impulse and pointed it at the poorly disguised camera.

The high seas were churning at a steady rhythm, the rusted iron PT boat creaked and groaned going over every crest, and I was beginning to feel... a little bit sea sick.

"ughh why did I ever sign up for this stupid chall... EUMGHH" I was interrupted as my lunch spilled from my mouth into the sea.

Rega fell slightly backwards in a dizzied fit afterwards. "OHHH DAMN IT!!" should have remembered to bring at list a bottles worth of de-acidizers.

I am still my usual bold and brazen self, the only difference is my outfit.

it entails firstly a red "blood soaked" bandanna I wear proudly alongside a Tier 4 military grade assault jacket, not that anyone in this game has a gun to shoot at me but hey.. wearing it looks cool.

my pants are general thrift shop cargo, nothing special, but they have plenty of nice pockets to keep all the diamonds I scalp off of those damn diamondhead dolphins to sell on the black market. HEHEHE.

Yes, I still do have my trusty CEGER-P.30 high powered pistol, which I'll use to kill said dolphins if they ever try to ram my damn ship!!

I almost lost my balance as this sorry excuse for Aurorian Navy Surplus as it bucked and heaved over another wave.

the squall turned into a storm as I decided to head back into the ships cabin to take charge.

here you see my two delinqu... er.. crewmates. the one steering at the helm was a very quiet manticore who seems to be missing an eye from the looks of it which he corvers up with bandages that he refreshes daily and a literal aurorian mut who claims he escaped an aurorian gulag, his grey and drab garb with the cerial number tattooed on his neck is enough to back his claim. his role is to act as my navigator by interpreting the map assigned to us by those blasted mechanical birds.

both I found on a rubber dingy that ran out of gas in the middle of the ocean, if I wouldent have came along, they would have most surely have perished, so I decided to change my tact, no pun intended of course. phh.

sense both are obviously escaped convicts, I gave them new identities along with new names.

The aurorian mutts new name is Ardara and I told him to say he was a trafficing victim whenever anyone brought up the serial numbers on his neck.

The manticores cover name is Jared and he had his eye gouged out during a machining incident.

deviantID

the portrait above is acctualy a rotoscoped version of myself. yep just took my own picture and drew over it with my own style. pretty cool hugh?! oh and i finnaly figuired out how to use stamps YAAAAY!!!

Your result for The Social Privilege Test...

Very Privileged

71% Privilege!

Approximately 14% of the population fits this result.

You're fairly affluent, and fate has dealt you a better hand than most. You may have experienced some minor setbacks in your life, but you're still better off than at least 85% of the U.S. population. Typically one of the more sheltered segments of American society, you probably have led a fairly easy life. But has it made you happy?

I recommend that you keep your eyes open for signs of privilege in your everyday life. Notice the people who wait on you and perform services for you. How do you benefit from using people of lesser status than you? Are you more courteous and polite to people who look moneyed than to people who look poor? Is the balance of power between the rich and the poor fair?

Strawberry Daiquiri

10 Daiquiri, 0 Captain, 5 Milk and 10 Mixed!

If you were a drink you would be a strawberry daiquiri. Your feminine side is the most dominate side in you. Your most likely a romantic, passionate person who enjoys the finer things in life. You'd love to visit Paris one day and have a romantic meal with a loved one. Your the Strawberry Daiquiri.

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Your result for The Are You a Psychopath? Test...

The Healthy Lunatic

You're delusional, but otherwise a normal member of society. Maybe you think weird thoughts or believe in things other people don't, but you're able to function just fine. You're definitely not a psychopath.

Starving Artist

You are 43% Rational, 43% Extroverted, 43% Brutal, and 86% Arrogant.

You are the Starving Artist! Like some sort of emaciated Frenchman, you sit in your fancy little chair and contemplate beauty, meaning, flowers, and all kinds of other ridiculous crap. You are more intuitive than logical, and are primarily guided by your heart and emotions. You are also very introverted and gentle. Of course, this does not mean that you do not have an ego. In fact, you are surprisingly arrogant for someone so emotional and gentle. This is why you are best described as a starving artist. You are very introspective and quite sure of yourself, as any accomplished artist is, yet your views are impractical, guided by feelings, and overly gentle. You probably find math, logic, and similar intellectual pursuits offensive to your artistic sensibilities, and you prefer the open-endedness of artistry because it's infinitely easier to ponder the beauty of a sock than to build rocketships. So really you have no reason to be arrogant, you big doofus, because the skills you value (emotion, spirit, art, etc.) in yourself are valuable only on a subjective level, meaning your arrogance is purely masturbatory, like the insipid self-pleasuring of some twat who spouts artistic nonsense only for the pleasant tinkling sound it makes upon his indiscriminating ears. In short, your personality is defective because you are arrogant, introverted, introspective, gentle, and thoroughly irrational...posessing most of the traits needed to be a starving--and useless--artist. So get out there, write a few short stories that are allegories for the indestructible spirit of socks, and starve!

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

Be sure to take my Sublime Philosophical Crap Test if you are interested in taking a slightly more intellectual test that has just as many insane ramblings as this one does!

The following image was made by Stephan Brusche at www.sb77.nl, a real-life "starving artist". Check out his website if interested.

About Saint_Gasoline

I am a self-proclaimed pseudo-intellectual who loves dashes. I enjoy politics, science, philosophy, fart jokes, and water balloons, not necessarily in that order. I spend 95% of my time online, and the other 5% of my time in the bathroom, longing to get back on the computer. If, God forbid, you somehow find me amusing instead of crass and annoying, be sure to check out my blog and podcast at SaintGasoline.com.