Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Jiah Khan - my perspective on her suicide

This appeared in Mumbai Mirror today....

Is suicide the
only option….?

It’s yesterday once more. I didn’t know
Jiah Khan. But that hardly matters. A young life has been snuffed out abruptly
and tragically. And that’s what matters. We are talking about Jiah because she
was famous, beautiful and a Bollywood actor. Or else, she would have been just
another number in the growing list of young adults who seek an out before their
life has even begun. The word ‘suicide’ has such a terrifying ring to it.And
yet, so many alarmingly young people are opting to end their lives rather than
face the challenges reality poses. The most vulnerable appear to be attractive
females in the glamour business. And there are reasons why they reach for that
rope or dupatta and hang themselves. Reasons that are so poignant and heart
breaking, it makes you wonder why anybody would want to get into showbiz in the
first place. Out of the thousands who flock to Bollywood, only a handful
succeeds. Years and years of struggle go into that tenuous hope that there will
be a rainbow at the end of those stormy clouds
hanging over their tender lives. Over the years, I have watched other
Jiahs, with deepening sorrow and a growing sense of despair. And each time, I
have felt like warning all those other young girls waiting in the wings to stay
away from this lethal business…. unless they possess nerves of steel. There’s
no place for losers and has-beens in Bollywood. This is not cynicism talking.
This is experience.

My mind keeps going back to Parveen Babi.
It’s a scarily similar tragedy with an almost identical story line and cast of
characters. Jiah’s boyfriend Suraj Pancholi , is being questioned by the cops (
It’s tempting to add – like father, like son, in this case). Jiah’s depression
and mood swings have been referred to by Mahesh Bhatt as possible reasons for
her suicide. He should know! Ironical, but those were the exact explanations
given for Babi’s death. Mahesh had shared a close relationship with Parveen.
Then again, Jiah’s mother has mentioned her daughter’s recent decision to opt
out of Bollywood and become an interior
decorator. Parveen Babi had done precisely that! Uncanny. Showbiz is a
voraciously hungry monster that devours the unwary. It extracts an enormous
price, Jiah aka Nafisa has just paid it.
Watch out!There will be other Jiahs as well. And yet, Jiah had it better
than most. She’d experienced the intoxicating pleasure of seeing herself on the
big screen… and not in just any old B-grade skin flick, but opposite a
Bollywood legend – Amitabh Bachchan himself. A better debut would be hard to
find. Moreover, it was a role that suited her unusual personality – a case of
inspired casting. Jiah played the desi
Lolita, nubile, unambiguously sexual, predatory, wanton and unconventional.
Perhaps it was these very qualities that did her in. Jiah was unlike the
typical filmi heroine ( ditto for Parveen). Jiah was an outsider – a London
girl trying her luck in the closed, incestuous world of Bollywood. Yes, she had
got her dream break. And two other big banner films with top stars like Aamir
Khan and Akshay Kumar. But after that?
Jiah languished on the sidelines for three years. Perhaps she simply
didn’t fit in. And unlike another London girl (Katrina Kaif), Jiah didn’t meet
a patron saint called Salman Khan, either. Had that happened, she’d still be
alive. And successful to boot. Jiah probably imagined she could hack it by
herself, relying on talent and good looks.
Poor Jiah. Little did she know there are thousands like her on the fringes of
Bollywood, hanging around producers/directors and just about anybody connected
to a studio, in the hope of getting a role. Any bloody role. In retrospect,maybe
it was Jiah’s early and comparatively easy success that killed her.

Think about it. Had she not got those
breaks and tasted fame (limited – but fame, nevertheless), she’d have struggled
for a while and gone back to where she’d come from. Gone back to her family in
London and a more conducive environment. But instant success is often a nasty beast. Jiah obviously
believed it wouldn’t be long before she hit the big time and made it as an
A-lister.Unfortunately, Jiah miscalculated. Bollywood is an unbelievably cruel
place unless you know how to crack the system and play ball with the powerful
names that exert such a vice-like control over the business.There is no place
for fragility here. Jiah didn’t factor in the fierce competition either. With
each passing day, a new ‘face’ is born in Bollywood. That same face becomes
history soon enough.Sexy, young heroines appear and disappear in a flash. Those
who manage to hang in there are either a part of the film fraternity, or plain
fortunate. According to rumours, rejected and dejected, Jiah soon became a player
who belonged to a desperate set – attractive, hard up women who hang around at
parties and events hoping someone will notice them and cut a deal. Ugly
situations and compromises follow…. it’s a nasty story. Bollywood’s party girls
are easy meat. Sharks feed on their insecurity. Exploit them mercilessly. And
then dump them. Soon , money runs out. What happens next is a straight descent into
hell. Drugs, booze, prostitution….till there are no takers left even for that
kind of diversion. Boyfriends, husbands, gal pals, secretaries, hangers on,
free loaders… any number of people come and go. But they too swiftly find other
targets. Loneliness and panic follow. Demoralised and defeated, with nobody to
turn to, these girls become clingy and possessive. Paranoid and suspicious.
Boyfriends tire of their constant nagging. God knows what really happened
between Suraj and Jiah that fateful night.But whatever did transpire, it must
have been painful enough for Jiah to
take that ultimate step (shades of Viveka Babajee’s last moments).When all hope
finally vanishes, there is just one option left. The ceiling fan whirling
ceaselessly overhead sends out a tempting signal – offers an immediate exit from
misery and humiliation. Jiah gave up… and took it.

Poor Jiah Khan. May she finally find peace
in a place that is kinder to her than Bollywood
was… or can ever be.

You truly described the reality of this showbiz business, I fear there will be more Jiahs in the upcoming years, but still this industry will not get affected as it has plenty more to exploit. May the soul of this sweet lade get peace in the life hereafter.

You must have seen all these from close quarters. A very moving tribute. Nowadays young boys and girls commit suicide over facebook friends, over examinations, small fights, careers etc. Jiah was not living alone. Her mother and sister were there. She could have pursued some job also in the airline or hospitality industry. There are so many options out there.

bullshit. you didn't know her. we didn't know her. maybe bollywood is a cruel, shitty place, but painting this pathetic picture of her miscalculations and compromises over her career is irresponsible and just as cruel. There are people out there, once close to Jiah that know the pain she suffered. Hell to them for not helping or coming forward with information now. It's all assumptions and generalizations you, just like all the other media write about Jiah. and at the end of it all, justify her actions by saying she'll find peace, and it's the best she'll ever find. Shame on you.

while I agree with your piognant piece on Jia Khan, I feel you have overstepped by taking a swipe on a 22 year old boy. You faulted son for the misdeeds of his father in the past..However You have correctly summed up state of mind of Jia " demoralized and defeated,clingy and possessive".From the look of it, it is nothing but a lovers tiff, coupled with gloomy future, Jia took the extreme step of ending her life. For that, let us not drag and slaughter another innocent life on the alter of sacrifice..

@Gulshan and @Sachita, I sometimes feel it is the former years of a person that set the base of a person, and eventually decide how the person will live life - flight or fight it. I was reading a blog for SRK called the Decent Stalker wherein there was a piece of how horse blinkered our education system is. This made me feel that if right from school, people are taught how to see life as beautiful instead of just told to mug theory; no matter what industry a person is in - bolllywood or anything else; he will value and respect life and take pressures as challenges.

You had no right to paint a 22yr old guy, who is probably going through hell right now, in the way you did. You know no one in this whole situation. Yet you parade your assumptions, generalisations & nasty opinions around as if they've been given divine authority. Its people like you in the media that make life so miserable for struggling stars. With your spiteful words, how many people have you hurt? Try having a share of the blame

What a pathetic piece of writing, Ms De! Did it ever occur to you that such irresponsible writing by eminent columnists like you might also be a contributing factor to many bollywood aspirants' depression!

.. I think whatever might be the reason ..I dint like you comparing her to Praveen babi ,, as both are different in every sense and career too ..its always a loss for family who has to face this situation and answer everyone..so lets b pathetic ..and let her rest in peace.!!

It amazes how Katrina today declines that any1 had any role in her success (Read Salman Khan)..Seeing her movies before she met the GodFather can reveal her calibre.. she was a barbie doll with a cute face and absolutely no clue on what she was doing here...and to be honest, after so many hits too, i sometimes feel that she still has no clue on what she is doing..

Agree with you Ruzan. I have seen one of her earlier movie called "boom" in which she bares her breast to Gulshan grover.. Since then, she rode her success and minted millions but as an actress, she is nothing to offer...People watch her for those curves she carry and "nautanki"she does on the screen...However her days are numbered...

A tragedy is never without its sorrow. In this age obsessed with the entertainment world, there are bound to be many articles published on the same.In this article the author gives a reasonably good analysis, though not very deep. All the debutant men & women in the glamour business must read this and similar articles by other writers to understand the inner working of the mind of the victims in this profession. Often you yourself are responsible for the break up of your own relationships and then suffering even greater depression. So, learn to introspect and correct yourself. If you learn some reasonable self control and inner strength, that is enough to face life. Those nerves of steel are not all that necessary.The author has done a favour to a lot of youngsters by writing this article, the ranting of the likes of Aditya Pancholi and others not withstanding.-Ravindra Parasnis

Ms. Shobha De, everything is not a bollywood story. What experience of yours are you talking about? you have none.. you are just a socialite who writes stupid stuff that she know nothing about or just fantasises it. Unfortunately from your blog i feel you dont even have teh maturity of your age... You are a a mother, an old woman, with all this experience (at least of life, of being human) dont write such stuff. that poor girl is dead. Usko bollywood ka naam deke tana mat maro.

It does not matter whether the author knows the people referred in this column or not but a tragedy happened in indian film industry. A young beautiful glamorous and talented girl comes from London to make a living in film industry and finally takes the step of suicide in depression. Iam asking what is her mother being an ex actor doing . She should haven taken back the lads to London as she might be knowing the working style of film industry very well.Had this happened we would have the opportunity to see Jiah acting in some other Indian films as there is huge demand for imported actors than the locally talented and proven actors .

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Interesting perspective...we never know what a person is going through, and what battles they are fighting internally. All we see are smiles and happy faces on the outside. Any industry is tough-so is life-some people are strong enough to deal with it, some aren't. RIP beautiful Jiah :(

I agree with you @Ruzan Sig. Kat is pretty and cute with a great body...but she has no acting talent. Unfortunately Bollywood isn't about talent anymore, its about who you know and how much...or rather how little they are willing to wear

This blog is an excellent example of irresponsible journalism. We have lot of literate writers but very few educated ones. Ms De falls in literate writers. I do not know Jiah neither do i know Suraj. But you made the guy a culprit without knowing the facts. How insensitive of you to say 'like father like son'? I am sure you would not like similar comment meted at you. One life is lost. And you even do not know effects of such comments on other one. Introspection is really needed. Ms De, you can start doing it..

But i still can not understand why any one takes such extreme step that they end their life. Life is so short and beautiful. problems are faced by evry one. this doesn't mean that in bad phase u give up your precious life and your near and dear ones suffer.

I don't know or can't judge her situations that led to suicide but I can say that not just Bollywood but any industry is as cruel and exploiting as movie industry especially to the vulnerable and weak. Weak by situations and circumstances not by nature...sometimes circumstances can to be too harsh to resist. Poor Jiah she just succumbed to the cruel fate. RIP

Good lord! This is even worse than the usual crap u dole out to tabloids. Not only have u attacked affected parties on a personal level, ur generalizing the struggle of someone who just ended her life, no one can ever imagine, let alone comment on how someone might have got to that very unfortunate moment. Its funny to see socialites like u talking about someone else's insecurity. U won't even let your non-photoshopped pics ever hit media, and here ur judging someone else's life and personal issues. Grow up pls. Very tempted to say here - Once a masala writer... Always a....

two contrasting photos in the Asian Age dated 9th June. One photo showing Amir Khan alongwith the family of Jiah Khan at the condolence meeting at Vile Parle. Another Photo showing Amitabh Bachhan doing photoshoot for some advertisement..Both acted with late Jiah. Just showing lip sympathy via twitter is what Amitabh has done and as usaul he is out chasing mega bucks modeling for some idiotic products such as biscuits or choclates(imagine him modeling for such products). Amir has shown his humility and humanity by being alongside grieving family and friends.. this is the difference between the two stars..Amitabh may be a taller of the two but with an empty heart but Amir despite being short, possesses compassionate heart,..Learn a lesson from younger generation Mr.Bachhan...chasing money shud not be your priority now.. set an example..

Mrs . De , from all that bad writing u do, this has got to be the absolute worst. Is there a reason u attack these star children, u did it with Sonam Kapoor earlier , n now ur doin it again to Suraj. Any blind person can also see, that its not his fault at all. Poor boy, wat he must be anyways going thru. You have 3 daughters, u shud know better than to talk like this. It's disgusting.Firstly u say u hardly knew her and then u write like u no her way too well and make such disgusting assumptions about a dead girl and her life. In the paper u also mentioned about her mother being a starlet n pushing her dreams onto her daughter, to write something like that, 3 days after she suffered the worst loss any mother can go thru. Very insensitive.Ur writing is soo immature, too compare her to Praveen Babi and wat was the need of mentioning katrina kaif at all. Showing all these ppl in such poor light, just goes to show illiteracy in your writing. For all the tacky writing that u do, I wish for ur sake ur daughters don't plan on following ur footsteps, or the next time they write something, it would be too "tempting to say- like mother like daughter" .

When one is alive, attempting suicide is a crime. But when one commits suicide sucessfully, she would not be a criminal, but the guy she was involved with. What kind of logic is is this? Just because a coward and brainless girl commiting suicide, some person should be blamed for that?

how can you be so judgmental about the guy? This is irresponsible on your part.

People have failed relationships but if someone goes to extent of suicide you just can't simply blame the other person, to make your article a hit. It's easy to take a pot shot on others to make your work a hit, but it's opportunistic. People tend to sympathize with the victim, but in that expression you can't blame the other person.

You owe a apology to the guy, which you will not do? It's easy to be blunt and people generally feel proud about their "I don't give it a damn" attitude, but along with that please be a little responsible and have a firm confirmation before writing anything...otherwise there is not dearth of subjective writers in India..feel lucky u got a chance..and please take care of truth..don't just add spice for the sake of it.

Thats a nice piece of writing. You clearly elaborated on the struggles and the agonies which thee young wannabe starlets have to go through. Please elaborate on your statement (like father like son) in case of Suraj Pancholi and Aditya Pancholi. Are you referring to any particular incident or just making a general comment? Please do not leave the statement uncorroborated and unfinished.

Hello Shobhaa, I wish you would mention Spirituality in your blogs. If mothers taught their children to be spiritual and tell them that they are in this world only for a short while and to make the best of their time here. If they are told that angels from heaven are always with them to protect them and listen to them at all times. They will gain confidence and strive to be better human beings. And also tell them that they are never alone in this world and that their soul is a part of the whole (God)and it is never destroyed and lives on for ever. It will make children mentally strong to handle failures. Hence, I think her mother should not grieve at all. She should be happy that her daughter has gone to join God, the supreme being.

to all abusers who "judged" Ms. De as "irresponsible"Ms. Shobha has a blog that u guys r reading right now(instead of writing one-only if u were that clever), so obviously she knows and understands more than u guys at some level. n now to prove it all comes the suicide note which accuses sooraj for abuse forcing abortion rape cheating etc etc.and i didnt know u cant write a piece of your mind if you're a socialite(sarcasm)

"Jiah probably imagined she could hack it by herself, relying on talent and good looks."well eyed, miss de....!!!probably she didnt know that no such elements exist in the world of bolly drama...and mr. unknown (who-so-ever),,"She could have pursued some job also in the airline or hospitality industry. There are so many options out there."atleast have the courtesy to look at the need of the hour...its nowhere about what could have been done and what couldn't have been.. what has happened is what all this is really about...RIP JIAH...

FOR:(jiah roy)this is notable...all these guys commenting their wrecked opinions on her blog, must get their eyes directed towards the reality which is out now...criticizing the blog won't help a bit..

Hats off to Ms De from the UK. You were bang on to the T!! Hope guilt eats this guy throughout his life coz as per law i know he is going to get out soon and talk about how he got victimised and how innocent he is a typical MCP (Male Chauvinist Pig)Im sure this guy must have voiced a strong opinion on the rape of women in india and how concerned he is...bloody joke man seriously

Yes it really is a sad thing, and this does not just happens in bollywood but also with many teenagers and young adults in india today which does not noticed by the regular people because they do not have any direct relationship with the deceased hence leading to no empathy to stand up and speak out for the injustice caused to the deceased.. It takes a lot of time before finally realizing how important one is to the others around them who love them (like your family and friends) and care for them unconditionally no matter what. One can only take his life if he/she thinks that nothing else in the world could heal their dampened wounded soul(or the inner self) and thus cannot gather enough strength to live even for a minute longer.

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With all due respects.. Dear Shobha dee please keep your perspectives to yourself. Don't sensationalize the tragedy by linking it to other controversial issues and don't make a scapegoat out of one person and his family. And stop being judge"MENTAL".

I feel the victime here is Suraj, how can we make one individual resposible for other, both are adults. In a free society, where today girls want to have all the freedom, they should be ready to face the consequences too. At any point in a relationship, one persom may want to opt out, that doesnt mean the other person is free to emotionally blackmail the other...Our laws are outdates and must be suitable reformed in the changed society conditions..

We really don’t know what happens! Jiah Khan who created new fashion trends in bollywood is no more!! We can’t blame Suraj solely for this tragedy!! But Suraj too is responsible!! God only knows what had happened!! Let’s wait till the investigation is over!!!

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Definitely suicide is not an option... But I have one question can we have such processes so the criminal (talking general) will get punishment as early as possible. Cause now a days when some body has glamour , I don't think so he / she will get punishment... yes there are some exceptions. chk out more here