From: J-Mag
To: Samuel Wagar (cross/ Feminism) 13-Jun-93 01:45pm
Subject: From My Body =/= My Prop
(Crossposted from FEMINISM by Bob Hirschfeld)
Friday June 04 1993, Samuel Wagar writes to Randy Horton:
SW> Hi, Randy. I had an interesting conversation for a month or so on our
SW> local Parenting echo about this with a politically conservative
SW> fundamentalist Christian woman. I was delighted (though I think she
SW> was appalled) to discover how much common ground we had. But our
SW> solutions were so different.
This reminds me of something that was printed in our regional Mensa
newsletter _InforMensa_. It was written by the other SysOp of The Round
Table (1:106/1393), Steve Godbe, and, although I asked for permission to post
it in echos, he didn't specifically know it would show up here.
An old friend called me the other day and told me that he was
planning to join a rigidly authoritarian and fundamentalist
church after years being a vocal and confirmed agnostic. It
took me quite by surprise since we'd grown through childhood
together in just such a particularly restrictive church,
eventually leaving the faith together in the seventies along
with droves of other baby boomers disenchanted with the
established and 'trusted' institutions and their apparent too
human failings which were dropping into plain sight under
nightly televised investigative reports like particularly
noisome insects on the floor of a service station john beneath
a Shell No-Pest strip. We'd sworn back then that we'd never
go back to the days of our wide-eyed and devoted blind
acceptance of others' views of right and wrong, and yet here
was my friend planning to do just that and treating me as his
confessor before the fact.
When I reminded him of just what it had been like back then
and, still perplexed, asked what had happened to change his
stance, he finally admitted, "It's my *kids*, Steve. I want
them to know right from wrong, to have good sound moral values
to guide their lives by and I'm not sure that I'm the one to
teach them that." Suddenly, I understood what he was really
saying and how it meshed with other ideas I'd recently had
surrounding the separation of church and state ideology and
the current agenda of the 'religious right' in opposition to it.
I just started talking about these ideas with him, of how to
me, a non-parent admittedly, it appeared that what he and those
other baby boomers reportedly flocking back to the church all
these many years later are actually doing is declaring not so
much a statement of faith in God, but a LACK of faith in
themselves as educators and as parents. It seems to me almost
a fearful abdication of parental responsibility by turning the
instructional duties for how to live a moral life over to an
institution. Then, in just a few years, and especially in the
case of my friend who admits he is still very much an agnostic,
that child is going to realize that his father doesn't really
believe in much of what that church stands for. So Dad's
lesson for the day and many before it will appear to be supreme
hypocrisy, even though he had the child's interests at heart.
It would be a great shame to destroy a child's trust like that,
perhaps leaving them only the institution to believe in. And
of course, children are ripe for the picking by some of those
who thrive upon such starry-eyed and desparate faiths. We
certainly had been, touring the state in revivals lining the
pockets of just one such spiritual manipulator. These days,
the children may become the shock troops of a new political
agenda, children and the young apparently having become the
troops of choice for all manner of political movements these
days from Houston's own "Rescue America" to the Cambodians'
and Vietnamese' Khmer-Rouge to Peru's Shining Path.
I'm not seriously comparing the fundamentalist churches to
murderers mind you, but as the many womens' clinic fire-bombings
and the recent killing of Dr. Gunn outside his abortion clinic
in Florida demonstrate, the distance isn't always as far as it
might at first appear. This became particularly obvious when
the leader of "Rescue America" told the international press
that Dr. Gunn's killing was "morally justifiable" a few days
prior to his leaving to teach his groups' protest methods to
would-be activists in Great Britain. Houston now apparently
exports terrorism.
"But it's HARD being a parent," he said, "and is it so wrong of
me to seek some help?!" I thought... and asked him if help
was truly what he'd be seeking in that church. Was it help, or
was it in actuality seeking to finish the act of turning child
instructional duties over to institutions... with first the public
schools and later a church, in this case, one he was at odds
with, but had attended when he was a child. I asked if there
was a religious institution he would feel comfortable with, and
he related he'd been happy attending services at a Unitarian
church... before he'd begun to feel guilty about not being
financially able to tithe... and so he'd dropped out, but that
somehow he'd thought the fundamentalists were the proper
choice for moral instruction. And then he was silent for a
long moment.
"Damn," he said, "I REALLY almost did it and without thinking!"
I asked him what he meant and he said, "I almost asked someone
to make those decisions for me *and* my family again, just like
my father did and his before him... I *still* want to look to
others for answers, even after all these years." I just sat
quietly wondering if all fathers made such hardly-considered
decisions for the same reasons and the heavy pressures of
knowing that you're completely responsible for your child's
development... and if the battle for the separation of church
and state didn't really get fought inside ourselves, in moments
just like these. I wondered at what he'd said..."It's HARD to
be a parent!" Then I thought about how difficult this phone
call must have been for him to make to me.
He decided to take his children to the Unitarian church in the end
because he felt the children would have an opportunity to decide
for himself about God, and because there was a place for both
of them there without the stench of mendacity and yet full of
a supportive community to share learning and teaching duties
with. I think he decided a lot more than just that, and I
also think Uncle Steve just might go see what he's talking
about... and try to pitch a hand in more often with his kids.
We're going to see the Astros play on Friday, and perhaps
do some learning together, the children about American
traditions and values, and us about the wonder all about us but
which children see best... and the challenges posed by that
daunting look of absolute trust and faith in a young child's
eyes. He's right, it *is* a lot for one person to carry.
- J-Mag
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* Origin: >>>Religious Preference? None of your business!<<< (1:114/74.2)
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