14 Ways to Spot a New Rapper

After some years working with rappers, I’ve noticed some silly things new guys do. Hopefully this list will save some people future embarrassment.

You mad? You applaud? You want to add to the list? Tweet me: @MsRivercity.

For New Rappers They Supposedly Know Everybody
“I been on tour with Rick Ross.” “Gucci Mane is my patna.” “Jeezy gonna sign me.” But the only evidence they have is a camera phone fan photo from a hotel lobby they snuck into or possibly work at. If they know everybody, then how come nobody knows them and they have to false brag on celebrities? I use the same advice when dating, if a man is always talking about his money and/or sex, he’s lame. If he was so good, us women would already know – the grapevine travels far.

They Came Up with Big Meech
To tag along to the above statement, c’mon man. Meech has been locked up for years and never gave them a shout out in one of his prison phone interviews. Plus, they wear the same pair of shoes every day. Definitely not BMF. Unless BMF stands for Bummy M*ther F*cker.

They Have an Imaginary Deal with Universal
I’m not sure why Universal is the label of choice amongst lying rappers. Maybe because Universal is known for signing a bunch of people nobody’s heard of and will never blow up? I don’t know. But whatever the reason, every brand new guy will tell you they have a deal through Universal. Or they’re about to sign with them. Haha.

I called, they never heard of you
They Email You 50 .mp4, .wav, .wma files & Call It Their Mixtape
I have a Mac, what am I going to do with a WMA file? Not to sound like your company’s computer guy from Saturday Night Live, but have you heard of an mp3 player? Yeah, it plays MP3s!

They’ve Been Promoting the Same Song/Mixtape/Video for 2 Years
They think if nobody has heard it they can still call it new. But the internet date stamps everything. New rappers don’t know this.

“Throwing Liquor on the Crowd at Shows is Gangster”
They think this is cool. It pisses us off. And furthermore makes them look amateur and ridiculous. First of all, we probably didn’t even come to the show to see them, but unfortunately show goers are always subjected to 2 hours of half-ass opening acts before the main event. Don’t be one of these guys.

Facebook Photos are All Blurry and Taken During Income Tax Season
If all their photos include a wad of cash and smoking weed, and are dated in February, they’re brand newby. The pictures all come from an iPhone 3 and the words “high resolution” mean nothing to the them.