My father and I haven't talked in a few years, and my M contacts me once a month or so.

Last week I missed a phone call where she left a message. I wanted to say:"Why do you call me? I find it to be a very phony pretense to act like we have a rapport.

What do you want from me? Whatever it is I wish for you to identify it and give it to yourself. It's a little hypocritical of you to be needy with me, because the way I was raised - I needed a lot from you, and I didn't really get those needs met."

Wow Anosgosia. Those are exactly the words I need for my M. To simply refer her back to herself. It's compassionate and true and protects you. I watched a movie that ended w/the daughter saying something along those lines to her NPD M. It's powerful.

I would say "Whatever it is that you need from me I cannot give it to you. You need to find it inside yourself or elsewhere." and in response to her comment about year ago that she wants to spend more time w/me, "I'm an adult now. I believe that your parenting was not good enough to provide me with healthy social-emotional develop. The opportunity to parent me has ended. I cannot get what I need from you either. If you want friendship or companionship, please find that elsewhere. I am your daughter. I can take it from here myself." and if I got a positive response then "I've learned over the past couple of years that being around you and dad together for me is too stressful. I prefer to see each of you independently. I also have found that I can enjoy playing cards together, watching shows, and sometimes hiking. I am not sure about the frequency and cannot commit to times. It depends on how things go."