Monday, February 11, 2013

BEER

Beer
is the nectar of the Gods.It is the
drink of choice when guys are sitting round telling lies and shooting the shit.It enhances sports on the television,
especially in a sport bar.And it is the
drink of choice after a hard day’s work, especially after doing yard work.

And
it is the only drink that has had theories imposed as to its merits.Therefore it is always good to review these
important beer theories, some of which I am giving you here...

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I
drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into
the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and
dreams. If I didn't drink this beer,
they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
- Babe Ruth

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Lyndon B.
Johnson
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Paul
Horning

"When we drink, we get drunk. When
we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall
asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit
no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!" - George Bernard Shaw

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin
Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was
also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with
pizza." - Dave Barry

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.! - W. C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. - Professor
Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack; to me it's Support Group Salvation in a can! - Leo
Durocher

Even
our most revered modern day Philosopher, Cliff Clavin, had a theory on the merits
of beer.

One
night at Cheers, Cliff explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy
Norm:
“Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as
the slowest buffalo. And when the herd
is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection is good
for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!

In
much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest
brain cells. Excessive intake of
alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient
machine!

That's
why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

So
now let us all migrate to the refrigerator, or to your local pub, and raise a
glass (or bottle) to the good health and enhanced merits of drinking the golden
brew.

LOL! I probably shouldn't teach this to the little local primary class, but if it helps them get into heaven, it can't be all wrong, right?

My brother is a brew master, and would likely agree with the buffalo theory. I'm going to have to pass this along the next time we go brewery hopping.I thank you for the education! I feel smarter already.