Y'all, we recorded this four nights ago but then a whole hit load of life happened and fuck you for asking. But seriously. Work, a mass of yard work, summer hangouts and loads of Lagunitas chased by spliffs. Here we are. It's the offseason of most things we talked about so nothing is all that out-of-date apart from some baseball talk - the Mets swept those Nationals shut the front door. Delightful. Life filled with delight. Podcast featuring rants about Russ Brandon, Tom Brady, born-again Bills fans, Uber-less Buffalo, our plans for Week 1 tailgates and a few other things that I can't remember since I haven't actually listened to this and just hastily tossed in some musical selections without worrying about the propriety of taking on American Methodists, among others.Good to be back, kids. Music by way of Bleachers, Oddisee, Fitz and the Tantrums, and Priory.

Download here or here. RSS here. iTunes below and a streaming boxey box below that. Old podcasts, and there are a bunch of them, available at deargodwhyussports.libsyn.com or the Deeg Podcast Industries tab at the top banner. Gooey gooey aural goodness.

I still can't really fathom why anyone would think it a good idea to listen to anything I think or say or write ever, much less think it has any redeeming qualities, nor want to give me a platform to signal boost the things I think and say out to a broader audience - for instance, everyone who listens to the Howard Simon Show on WGR550. BUT PEOPLE DO AND I AM AN EXPERT HUMBLEBRAGGER AS WELL AS LEGAL THINKER ta-daaaaaaaaaaa. Here we are.

Yesterday, Tom Brady's suspension was upheld by the hearing officer that heard his appeal under Article 46, Section 2 of the NFL/NFLPA Collective Bargaining Agreement, the document that generally defines the exclusive process by which a player may substantively appeal discipline assessed by the league. The hearing officer, as is obvious from everything you've already seen on the webs, was Commissioner Roger Goodell, esteemed douchebag and villain of any and all things. A man so entirely deplorable that a part of me wanted Donald Trump to buy the Bills - I KNOW! A means to an end, solely - so he could start throwing non-stop, outrageous, totally offensive and gratifying shade at Goodell's smug fucking face and give us Bills fans something to cheer for past Week 6, picking up the slack since we don't write here much anymore and thus aren't throwing as much of that shade as we ought. Goodell served as hearing officer, in his discretion, through the authority to do so under the CBA.

What was more awesome about what went down yesterday was that we learned Tom Brady, after having notice of the NFL's desire to inspect his cell phone and/or certain contents of the phone to the extent they were related to the NFL's request for communications concerning ball pressure and the like, destroyed his phone. Like, either the day he was interviewed by Ted Wells or the day before. I mean, Tom didn't actually do it. He had an assistant carry out his bidding as millionaires are want to do. He said healways destroyed his phones when he got a new one, which was pretty often because reasons and also the reality of his relationship with consumer goods closely resembling my relationship with hamburgers - the faster you blow through one, the faster you can feel good about getting a new one.

Except, nope. The phone BEFORE this one that he destroyed in March? He didn't destroy that. Because, errrr, shut up, Richard. I mean, he's totes being honest, guys, I mean look at his smile and his spiral and that wife. She is pretty and stuff.

No one is disputing that this is what went down. No one.

The NFL thought it mighty suspicious of him to destroy the phone on the day of the Wells interview, and then to come up with an excuse belied by the fact that he clearly didn't always destroy his phones, not always. Of course, when the NFL found it suspicious, I mean Goodell, a guy who couldn't love Brady more even if Tommy was made exclusively of the tears of Junior Seau's family. A guy who couldn't love the owner of Brady's football club more even if Robert Kraft was made exclusively of the kinetic energy created by the sanctimony of billionaires chastising what grown men do in between seasons of consistent head traumas. What I'm saying is that Goodell loves Junior Seau's family's tears and he LOVES billionaire sanctimony, but he loves Brady and Kraft more. These guys are bae, or something.

Dammit. I'm so white.

Anyway, this happened, an internet full of hot takes arose, and I couldn't help but enter the mix. I have a problem with entering the mix and not, you know, refraining. I also know a little something about something, certainly more than I can learn from a Jay Z song - though that didn't stop me from paraphrasing '99 Problems' on the NY Bar Exam's essay section - so I tweeted a bunch, like self-important members of the Buffalo Bloggerati are want to do. I hit some nerves, some people DM'd me calling me a fag (true story, there was one guy), and some people liked it. I don't get it either. My twitter feed ishere. Some of the good bits are below.

I could sit here and tell you that my doubt of Fitzy’s consistency still lingers. I could tell you that our run defense still has MANY kinks to work out before we contend. And, I could shout at you that Leodis McKelvin is this team’s biggest liability and needs to stop being awful immediately. But you know what? That’s where it ends. This team has brought me more joy in the last two weeks than I can remember. I’m even counting that 5 – 1 start that Trent Edwards had a few years ago. This team showed HEART last week, and when it counted, they stepped up to get the big W….except Leodis, he still sucks balls.

The Buffalo Bills have already exceeded all of our expectations and it is only week 3. The Amish Rifle is THE MAN! Freddie Jackson leads the NFL in rushing. Stevie Johnson and David Nelson are stud wideouts. Hell, even Chris Kelsay is making plays and Scott Chandlaar is channeling everybody's fave ex-Bills Tight End. CAN'T NOBODY HOLD ME DOWN! BRING ON THE WEEK THREE OPPONENT!!! Who is it? Wait.....oh fuck.

DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! I despise Tawmmy Brady and Wes Welkaaaaaaaah so much I just punched myself in the face. Every time Brady drops back, I pray Bryan Scott takes one for the team and does a human missile right at his knee cap. Have you seen this 2011 Pats team play?

As the quote from Walter Sobchak says in the title, these Patriots believe in nothing. They do not believe in destiny. They do not believe in superstitions. They believe in nothing and will destroy all in their path, leaving scattered bodies in their wake and children in tears. This team is not God-like, and they are not the anti-christ. They are soul-less beings that are out to devour our expectations and piss on our graves. They look tremendously like the 2007 Pats Juggernaut of evil and destruction.

BUT....you know what? Nobody REALLY expects the Bills to win this game. Sure, d-bags on ESPN are comparing Fitz to Jim Kelly, and numerous Buffalo based blogs are saying this could be the end of the vomit-inducing 15 - 0 streak, but everybody else is snickering at the thought that Bills fans ACTUALLY think that this Buffalo Bills team can win. So I say fuck it. Let's see what Chan can do with all of his new weapons. Let's see Marcell "Biggie Smalls" Dareus and Shawn Merriman back up their talk and end the 15 - 0 streak. Let's see Action Jackson get 25 carries and run over a weaker than usual Pats D. Let us pray to all that is good, that these heartless monsters of fury are mesmerized by a glistening beard and an ILB that can actually cover Tight Ends. This team will not be afraid, so neither should we.

These are the 2011 Buffalo Bills. And in all honesty, nobody has any fucking clue what they may be capable of. Go Bills.

ATTENTION: To the guy wearing the Harvard > Stanford Jersey @ McFadden's....I can't find your F'ing picture...send it to deargodwhyussports@gmail.com and I will post it here because it is the single greatest jersey foul ever. Also, our podcast file was corrupted, so our live CrapTastiCast 15 won't be available. Which blows. I think it was because I poured a pitcher on the laptop after David Nelson scored.

THE WIZARD BEARD HAD A GREAT 2ND WEEKGet the shit outta town. No I'm fucking serious. Your Bills just came back from a 21-3 half time deficit to come back and win the home opener with :14 left on the clock. THESE ARE THINGS THAT DO NOT HAPPEN TO TEAMS EMBLAZONED WITH A VARIATION OF THE BISON LOGO. This is the kind of shit that happens when you click to the four o'clock game: " (cue awful monotone) JOE BUCK HERE, IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING US FROM THE BUFFALO - (INSERT TEAM HERE) BLOWOUT, WE'VE GOT A NAILBITER BETWEEN TWO PERENNIAL POWERHOUSES, ONE FOR THE AGES HERE. SOMETHING SANCTIMONIOUS"

One of for the ages does not happen in Orchard Park. At least not in recent memory. LET US ENJOY THIS RIDE WHILE IT LASTS BECAUSE JOY IS FLEETING AND SADNESS DRIPS FROM THE WALLS OF RALPH WILSON STADIUM LIKE GYPSUM FROM THE MINES OF WHATEVER REGION IS HEAVILY DEPENDENT UPON GYPSUM MINING.

Is this picture racist? I feel like it's either Amish or racist.

The first half was fairly dismal for the Bills. Couldn't stop the run, corners were getting torched and gambling hard, and we got a little pass happy on the offensive side of the ball. I specifically remember screaming my "RUN THE BAAAAAAAALL" chant 247 times before the close of the 1st half. Still not sure what happened in the locker room, but the Bills did their best Tuffalo impression and the rest is Week 2 history.

Things I did not like:

- Leodis McKelvin had a tough day versus DeNarius Moore, as we all found out on that outlandish 50 yard bomb to put the Raiders ahead. All jokes aside though, that Moore kid looks like a baller.

- One day we will have a defense that successfully reads a screen pass. That day was not yesterday.

- They got a little pass happy in the first half, but then again it paid off as our offense turned into the '99 Rams in the 2nd. Although the rushing stats looked like receiving stats. Run the Ball? Or throw touchdowns. Either way.- What happened to Shawne Merriman for long, dry spells out there yesterday? Is he injured? Meh, whatever we won.

Things I did like:

- Ryan Fitzpatrick's poise and leadership and every other quarterback cliche you can trove from thousands of lazy sportswriter Monday recaps over 100 years of organized football. Dude does a wonderful job at forward passing. 7 TDs through two weeks. Crazy pants.

- Running back controversy, Schmunning schmack schmontroversey (that was hard to write). Spiller had a nice day with 60+ in addition to Fast Frederick's monster day. Oakland D is not that bad either. 2nd Half Offense leads me to believe that we may be slightly (ONLY SLIGHTLY) for real.

- The fact that we won is something I really like. Especially marching down the field with less than 2 to go. Get the fuck outta here, David Nelson.

I google image'd "David Nelson" and found this picture of a David Nelson who enjoys lutes and mutton chops. It would have been an insult to our readers if I didn't post this picture.

WEEK 3, OR HOW TOM BRADY PUT US ALL BACK IN OUR COLLECTIVE PLACE WITH A STRONG, HANDSOME PIMP HAND

Best Bills early season since forever? Best Bills early season since forever. Enjoy it now, because old sweet cheeks is coming back to town on Sunday to make us all remember what happens when we don't put the lotion in the basket.

"I've come to crush your dreams and steal your women."

The Pats look like they're old 2006-2007 selves again, with Brady throwing video game touchdowns at will. He's 60 yards away from 1,000 yards passing and we haven't even had Week 2's Monday Night matchup yet. Get the shit out of my house. Also the Law Firm of Ben Jarvus Green Ellis looks like a dreadlocked downhill machine....which is exactly what the Patriots need...MORE WEAPONS (some times I feel like they run the ball just because they feel they feel obligated to run due to tradition). The tight ends had a combined 11 catches for 148 yards and 3 touchdowns. Also, Deion Branch's corpse caught 8 balls for 129 yards. And Wes Welker still collects a paycheck. Kill me now.

Moral of the story? Let's enjoy the shit out of this week, oversleep on Sunday, and reconvene next Tuesday pretending Week 3 never happened. I think we'll all be healthier for it.

ACTUAL FOOTBALL WHAT HAVE YOU

Normally I'd be all gung ho to drop some footy knowledge on you, what with the Champions League Group Play beginning, the MLS Playoff picture shaping up, and several high profile rivalry derbies throughout the big European club leagues, but 2 Liverpool players were sent off en route to a 0-4 loss to Tottenham this weekend, so I'm not in the fucking mood.

kick you in the face.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL IS THE WORST

For serious, it's Rams vs. Giants. This could be the worst game of the week, aside from Detroit vs. Kansas City. I'm shocked we're already at bad Monday Night Matchups in week 2! Hopefully the game will be competitive. I'm not sure how that will happen, because I feel that the two quarterbacks involved are products of years of southern white inbreeding (Eli is a dead behind the eyes mouthbreather and Sam Bradford is....well he's fucking crosseyed). Is Stephen Jackson able to walk yet? My fantasy teams are really eating it due to his loss (Mike Williams is not a viable wide receiver option, FYI).

MICHAEL VICK IS A SCUMBAG DOG MURDERER WHO IS NOW A CONCUSSED SCUMBAG DOG MURDERER

Does this make me happy? Ideally, no. Realistically, of fucking course.

It's a cultural thing though, Tony Dungy. No seriously, it is.

That's what they said in Europe in the '30s, you apologetic philistine.

I still hate you Michael Vick. I hope they throw batteries at the Ralph (HE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT NO HE DID NOT THAT IS HORRIBLE FOR SHAME).

Fine, not batteries, but gross things that will cause you much dismay.