Shock as Gary Glitter to headline Reading Festival

The organisers of Reading festival have today defended their decision to replace either Blink 182 or the Arctic Monkeys with former 1970s Glam Rock superstar Gary Glitter. The surprise line up change will be Glitter’s first major concert since the 1990s and will play to a crowd who have been largely deprived of old favourites such as Rock and Roll Christmas, I’m the leader of the gang and so do want to touch me.

A spokesman for the festival told us “People don’t want up and coming exciting bands from the present day headlining festivals any more, they want 1970s icons that were shit and everybody hated at the time and now apparently are cool as a result. Glastonbury had Dolly Parton, T in the park had Englebert Humperdink so we’re having Gary Glitter. Obviously not ‘having’ but you know what I mean.

“He may have his faults as an individual but there’s nothing wrong with his songs. Apart from do you want to touch me maybe, and possibly I love you love, and perhaps the leader of the gang, and conceivably all the others. But it’s ok as long as it’s ironic.

“It’s going to put Reading on the map. And we really can’t see any problem with it as long as he doesn’t peader anyone.”

A spokesman from the Arctic Monkeys told us “We won’t know whether we’re going to be replaced by Glitter or not until the last minute. But we’ve all brought our platform shoes so if it’s us that gets the axe we’re going to make the most of our free tickets and dance around at the front like it’s 1974.”