District Judge Andrew Straw has given Crutch Vader a "suspended 12 months" jail sentence plus an order to pay $500 to the "victims"—two morons members of the Jedi Church of England—and their lawyer. This means that Sir Lord Vader Von Drunk—real name Arwel Wynn Hughes—will avoid jail. Quite frankly, after seeing the video of his innocuous attack, I can't believe the judge actually considered putting this guy in jail. [BBC News]