Top XLII Facts About the Super Bowl

If you are more likely to have a computer on your lap during the game
than
a platter of chicken wings, InformationWeek
provides The
Super Bowl Laptop Companion for you.

It is a myth that there is a significant increase in wife abuse
on the day of the Super Bowl. This effect has only been observed
in Buffalo, New York in the early 1990s. Even Tim Russert
gave his spouse a less-than-friendly whack on the backside in 1994
after the Bills fell to the Cowboys for their fourth consecutive
Super Bowl loss. But other than that, it's not generally true at all, really.

Miami Dolphins placekicker Garabed Sarkis "Garo" Yepremian probably had
the most memorable Super Bowl blooper play in 2004, when he appeared
in an ad for erectile dysfunction medication during halftime.

For die-hard fans of the New York Giants and New England Patriots, this
Sunday's Super Bowl won't be just a game. It may be a health
hazard.

Heart attacks and other cardiac emergencies doubled in Munich, Germany,
when that nation's soccer team played in World Cup matches, a new
study reports.

With all due respect, if watching a Super Bowl game can kill you, you are
not a "die-hard fan". You are a die-easy fan.

Many people find the TV commercials more interesting than the game.
In Super Bowl XXXIX, a particularly clever
Budweiser commercial was accidentally played during
a third-quarter second-and-14 play by the Philadelphia Eagles, and
nobody actually noticed.

Speaking of the Eagles, one of the things I learned in reading
Jonah Goldberg's book Liberal Fascism was that the
Eagles were named after the "Blue Eagle", the symbol companies
were expected to display to show their obesience to the National
Industrial Recovery Act in the 1930s. It was probably the US
government's greatest effort to corporatize the economy; it involved a
lot of scary propagandizing and intimidation, similar to what was
going on about the same time in Germany.

The Washington Redskins get a lot of grief for their team's name; would
that the Eagles got similar treatment.

Craig Morton quarterbacked in Super Bowl V for Dallas and Super Bowl XII
for Denver; in these two appearances he threw one (1) touchdown
pass and seven (7) interceptions.

Steve and Zak DeOssie are the 10th father-son
combination to have
been on Super Bowl teams.

However, New England Patriot Randy Moss
is the clone of Washington Redskin Art Monk (Super Bowls XVIII, XXII,
and XXVI); that's a first.

It's well-known that Green Bay fans are called "cheeseheads".
Not so well-known: Minnesota Vikings fans are dubbed "suicidal".

Fans speculate that Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo was "jinxed"
when girlfriend Jessica Simpson came to the game. Just to be
safe, New England
coach Bill
Belichick has had Gisele Bundchen shipped to a point
in the Indian Ocean approximately 1200 miles southeast
of Madagascar.

Bill Simmons spent the first four paragraphs of his
Super Bowl ESPN column describing
how hard it is to have an undefeated season … in the "Madden"
video game. This allows Bill to deduct the cost of his video console
on his 2008 taxes.

With the Super Bowl fast approaching, a senior Republican senator says
he wants the NFL to explain why it destroyed evidence of the New England
Patriots cheating scandal.

"I am very concerned about the underlying facts on the taping, the
reasons for the judgment on the limited penalties and, most of all, on
the inexplicable destruction of the tapes," said Sen. Arlen Specter,
R-Pa., in a Thursday letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

Specter backed down later that day when it was explained that
it was too late to get either the Steelers or the Eagles
in the Super Bowl.

The letters in "Arlen Specter" can be rearranged to spell "Sen. Rectal Rep"

The NFL attempted last year to register the term "THE BIG
GAME" with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

The [NFL], which owns both the Super Bowl name and the broadcast, has
restrictions that limit TV screens to 55 inches at public viewings,
except at venues like bars and restaurants that regularly broadcast
sporting events. Airing the game at events that promote a message,
including a religious message, is forbidden.

It's also said that church-based
events have been renamed to "Big Game Fellowship" or
"Superb Owl" parties to avoid legal hassles.

More Super Bowls have been played in New Orleans than
in any other city. Unless you count Miami.

You'll want to check out this careful collection
of three music videos made by Super Bowl players
and … oh yeah, a Miller Lite commercial.

Franco Harris made a bit of a stir in 1975's
Super Bowl IX. He
threatend to boycott because he deemed the game's logo to be "just way too
girly". But he relented, and went on to be named MVP as the Steelers crushed
the Vikings 16-6.

Richard Dent of the Chicago Bears won the MVP award when his Chicago
Bears defeated the New England Patriots 46-10 in Super Bowl XX.
Despite this, he's not as despised in New England as is his twin
brother, Bucky 'F.' Dent.

The northernmost Super Bowl was XXVI, played in the Hubert H. Humphrey
Metrodome in Minneapolis. The Buffalo Bills were playing, which means
the other team won.

If the Minnesota Vikings and the Buffalo Bills were to play each other
in a Super
Bowl, experts speculate that the universe would end as the laws of
physics, causality, and esthetics would collapse in upon themselves upon
the victory of one team.
Either that, or the game would go into sudden-death overtime, forever.
When asked, Stephen Hawking admitted: "It's a theoretical possibility."

Patriots offensive lineman Logan Mankins vowed at the beginning
of the season not to shave his beard until and unless the Patriots
lost. His teammates are appreciative:

There are some small animals in there," Pats offensive lineman Dan
Koppen said of Mankins. "There's food and all sorts of stuff growing in
there, too."

If I saw Mankins aimed at me across the line scrimmage, I think I would
immediately turn and run back to the locker room and hide.

Two strangers are at the Super Bowl, with great 50-yard line seats.
There's an empty seet between them, though. One guy asks the
other, "Is anyone sitting here?"

The other shakes his head. "No, it's empty."

"I can't believe anyone in their right mind would turn down
a chance for this seat!"

"Well, it's my wife's seat. We've been going to Super Bowls
for thirty years. She passed away. This is the first Super Bowl
she missed in all that time."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But couldn't you find someone
else - a friend, a relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

There has never been a shutout in the Super Bowl.
Thanks, perhaps, to Garo Yepremian.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will be the big act at halftime.
From the USA Today report on his press conference:

Asked if he knew that Hillary Clinton had addressed a political rally to
refrains from Petty's former hit American Girl after winning the New
Hampshire democratic primary, Petty said he'd only been informed in the
days afterward. He also declined to publicly back a presidential
candidate, saying, "You wouldn't want to take a guitar player's advice."

But if you can't stand Tom Petty—well, first, what the hell is
your problem, dude?—but if you can't stand Tom Petty, there
are other
things on other channels. My favorite:

Spike's idea is to show an eating contest featuring the likes of Eater X,
Tim "Gravy" Brown" and rising star (in the eating world, anyway) Joey
Chesnut. Spike will telecast an undercard of hard-boiled-egg consumption
(world record: 65) as well as a ham-eating main event.

If you watch the Super Bowl for the ads, you can get a
description here.
There's going to be an Iron Man preview—yay!— in the
second quarter.

Also there's this mysterious description of the spot
from the "White House Office of National Drug Control Policy"

Drug dealer loses teen business to prescription drugs.

What's that about? Good thing, or bad?

Perhaps it's related to this suggestion from Robert Knight, who's less
than amused by a certain subcategory of prescription drug ads:

Maybe FOX, CBS and NFL executives should try sitting next to a
9-year-old child while the guy explains on screen that men should
consult doctors if "an erection lasts more than four hours."

Almost certainly no ad will be better than this one:

There were 12 fumbles in Super Bowl XXVII: 4 by the Dallas Cowboys,
and 8 by the Buffalo Bills. (7 were lost, 2 by the Cowboys, 5 by the
Bills.)

Among the people predicting a Giants win tomorrow: Plaxico
Burress, Dionne Warwick, and Fran Tarkenton. Yes, former Vikings
quarterback Fran Tarkenton. Yes, former great singer, and
former shill for the Psychic Friends Network, Dionne Warwick.

Among the people picking the Pats: … well, just about everyone
else, sorry, Fran and Dionne.

Disclaimers:
Unquoted opinions expressed herein are solely those of the
blogger.

Pun Salad is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates
Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a
means for the blogger to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.