Chef Mel’s Genuine Journey: Sharing pancakes and thwarting bullies

Saturday

Jun 10, 2017 at 10:35 AM

By Chef Mel Cardenwinchester@wickedlocal.com

Vomiting is a surefire way to get out of school. As a child, I unknowingly tortured my mom — avoiding school in this way because I hated being apart from her or sometimes another student was causing me stress.

Bullying comes in many forms and your status within the social hierarchy provides no protection. I was popular, well dressed, athletic and studious — a covetable social combination. Yet, there I was — countless school mornings — head in the toilet bowl, getting reintroduced to last night’s dinner.

Sometimes it was a boy with aggressive wooing techniques. One young lad harassed me for months on end. He literally chased me, every, single day at recess and it caused me tremendous anxiety. One day he caught me and planted a huge kiss right on my mouth.

I’m convinced the red handprint from my slap is still tattooed on his face.

Mother was called to the school to have a bit of a chat with the teacher. I remember the teaching crouching down and asking me, “Why did you do such a terrible thing?” I looked her square in the eye and without skipping a beat, proclaimed, “He was disrupting my education.” I was in kindergarten at the time.

I was a force to be reckoned with, even at that young age … and still not immune to bullying.

Junior high years were spent doing the usual girl stuff — flirting with boys, honing my make-up skills, going to school dances and spending time with girlfriends. One friend, however, seemed to have a powerful, spite-driven spell over the others. I’d be subjected to long periods of exile when she felt the boys were paying too much attention to me or if I experienced success in athletic, academic or extracurricular activities.

Seemingly very popular but profoundly lonely; I was quite broken on the inside. I spent those two years in therapy.

Personal experiences have been top-of-mind because a young chef was recently telling me about her tummy woes. She had been to the doctor a few times and they couldn’t find the cause — not uncommon these days with so many food allergies and intolerances.

I asked if anything was stressing her out at school, initially she said no. Later, though, in between bites of warm pancake, she started chatting about someone at school who has been hurting her. The other, older student offered some relatable advice and I rounded out the discussion with suggestions. Mostly we just listened and allowed her to flip the next batch of pancakes while she shared her thoughts.

I followed up with her mom, who was grateful to finally have an answer as to what has been ailing her sweet girl … now the daunting task of the “bully-factor.”

Occasionally a parent will express that my junior chef classes are not as fancy or large as other local programs. I’m quick to agree because that’s not my goal. A kid in socked feet, creating their own food while casually building confidence — illimitable confidence that just maybe helps them open up about being bullied? Now that, my friends, aligns with my food philosophies.

Food is empowering, nourishing and comforting. Growing and preparing food helps you feel grounded. Sharing it with others creates connections and sometimes those connections are life changing — regardless of your age or social status.

I should have shared a recipe this week. I hope you’ll forgive me as I know many families are dealing with this topic. Check back next time for one of my all-time favorite recipes.

— Chef Mel Carden is a private chef in Winchester — cooking in clients’ homes for special occasions. She teaches cooking classes for junior chefs and partners closely with Wright Locke Farm. She embraces an “aspiring homesteader” lifestyle and her writing reminds us there’s wisdom and humor among the seeds, stalks and sauce pots. FB: for goodness sake foods, Instagram: @fgsfoods, web: eatforgoodnesssake.com, email: cookingcarden@gmail.com.