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05 August 2010

Going To Hell In A Handbasket To Get The Notes From The News

Evening all. Your humble blogger had a hellish commute and has a headache. So without further ado . . .

Kings of Leon have announced the title and release date of their new album. The title? Come Around Sundown.The release date is October 19th in North America and October 18th in the UK. Which is good, as this will give them plenty of time to wash the pigeon poop out of their mouths.

Nighthawk Postcards favorite Topless Robot took a look into a badly written galaxy far far away and found ten ways Lucasfilm shoved The Phantom Menace down our throats.What's worse is that George didn't even call us the day after.

Mary Hart is leaving Entertainment Tonight, says the Hollywood Reporter, neglecting to mention that she's doing so about 15 years past her sell-by date. Now all we need is for Entertainment Tonight to start reporting on me reporting on the Hollywood Reporter reporting on this, and the resulting energy flux will POWER THE ENTIRE WORLD.

Say folks! Lily Allen is pregnant! Guess now we'll find out if those famous boobs of hers will dispense milk, or all the high-octane booze she's been storing in her hollow leg all these years . . . (OOOOOH, WHO'S A SNARKY LITTLE BOY THEN!)

From Deadline Hollywood comes this depressing news: Worst fast food sandwich ever McG is producing a police procedural for network television. The kicker? It's a "fun buddy cop procedural" called (oh dear God) Zombies Vs. Vampires. Look for it to eventually appear on NBC . . . and I wish I was CBS-ing you, but I'm not.

Lollapalooza is this weekend, and for those of you lucky enough to be braving the hundred-degree heat, the raging humidity, and the endless clouds of pot smoke (which will have the beneficial side effect of making you forget all about that nasty heat and humidity), Nighthawk Postacrds favorite the AV Club is presenting a frighteningly comprehensive overview of every single band and artist performing over the next three days. From AFI to Yeasayer, they're all there. And with only half the pissy snark of Pitchfork!

And finally: Say you're a major studio like, ohhhh, Universal. And say you premiered the trailer for your new film at San Diego Comic Con this past weekend. And say, just for shits and giggles, that it was met with derisive laughter . . . but not because it was a comedy. If you can see where I;m going with this, then you know I'm talking about the trailer for Devil, which is about a group of people trapped in an elevator with Robin Williams--um, sorry, Satan (same thing, really, when you think about it), and which comes to us from the mind of Satan--um, M. Night Shyamalan (yeah, cheap shot, but fuck it, I'm tired). And people in and out of the industry are laughing this trailer off the screen. So anyway, you know what Universal did about this? Can you guess? Not a damn thing, that's what. Which is either one of the most supremely ballsy or the most supremely dumbassed decision a studio has made since United Artists called Michael Cimino and said "Yeah sure, knock yourself out." Time will tell, but meanwhile there's a nifty and highly little cheesy little promotional poster.

And that's it. I'm gonna go lie down. I suggest you do the same. Just not where I'm doing it, because that might get crowded after a while.