So the hatemail dubbed me THE.... Sodomite Hal Duncan!! (sic) So I will wear that with pride, cuntfuckers. It's like The Outlaw Josie Wales only better, right? I mean, did he have a fully capitalised THE, an extra-long dramatic pause, and two exclamation marks? No, he did not. Chickenshit.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

"Of All the Pricks to Choose"

From Sodom! The Musical. Again, following on directly from the previous post. Yes, that's two posts in the space of ten minutes or so! Well, I had both songs written, and the other one's only wee. Anyway

*

"Of All the Pricks to Choose"

[Scene: A portico next to a garden adorned with naked statues of both sexes in various postures. In the middle of the garden is a woman representing a fountain, standing on her head and pissing bolt upright. Enter CUNTIGRATIA, OFFICINA, her Madam, and the Whores of Honour, VAGINA, LABIA and CLITORIX.]

CUNTIGRATIA:
I'm not happy. It's unfair.
In his pleasures I can't have a share.
No relief for the grief of a cunt needing care,
Alone on my throne as a queen of despair,
For all I decree there's no cock serving me--

OFFICINA:
Still these girls all have plenty to spare.

[The Whores of Honour giggle. CUNIGRATIA glowers at them.]

CUNTIGRATIA:
I'm not jealous, but I must
Say your joy seems a trifle unjust.
Not that I would deny you the meat that you lust.
A flesh and blood woman requires her crust.
But beauty and youth are a paltry excuse
When my cunt it is turning to dust!

Oh, of every prick that's in the world,
Of all the pricks to choose,
Had I every prick that's in the world,
All but his I would refuse.

[She gives VAGINA an angry look.]

VAGINA:
I'm not greedy. I just can't
Turn away from a prick with demands.
Royal seed has a need for a fuck on command.
Against its intensity who can withstand?
I wouldn't offend you but I have to tend
To my King's pressing matters in hand.

[As CUNTIGRATIA bristles, OFFICINA steps in between her and VAGINA.]

OFFICINA:
I'm just saying, but of course,
You must know that he fucks with remorse.
He wed you and spread you, as big as a horse.
The reason your cunt and his cock are divorced?
In Vagina's defence, now your snatch is immense,
He's resorting to tighter resorts.

CUNTIGRATIA:
Oh, of every prick that's in the world,
Of all the pricks to choose,
Had I every prick that's in the world,
All but his I would refuse.
I know you say, cousins,
There's dicks by the dozens,
But his is the dick I would use
To fuck away the blues.

CLITORIX:
I'm just thinking, such a mind
Should be so singularly inclined?
He's a man, and a man is quite simply designed.
His prick is impressive but one of a kind?
If others will do, there are plenty who screw
Just as good as the king, you will find.

OFFICINA:
I'm not you, but let's say,
If I was, would I not have my way?
Every cock on the block if I wanted to play.
So what if he took back the crown that he gave?
Your cunt is a citizen, free as a clit is
In honour already betrayed.

CUNTIGRATIA:
Oh, of every prick that's in the world,
Of all the pricks to choose,
Had I every prick that's in the world,
All but his I could abuse.
I know you say, cousins,
There's dicks by the dozens,
But whose is the dick I should use
To fuck away the blues?

OFFICINA:
I'm not picky, but let's pick.
General Buggerman's got quite a kick.

VAGINA:
His lance is entrancing to see when it's slick.

CLITORIS:
In your arms he has charms with his stallion's prick.

LABIA:
His dick is as strong as his sword -- and as long.

OFFICINA:
And your cunt to a hair it would nick.

CUNTIGRATIA:
I'm not loose. I'm just free.
I'll command him in conquest of me.
In the bliss of his kiss and his corps of esprit,
He'll fuck me to heaven and sweet liberty.
To the beat of his drum, I will come, I will come.

OFFICINA:
When he comes to you presently.

[Music comes to an abrupt stop. OFFICINA is sheepish, tentative now:]

He's twelve hours from here.

[CUNTIGRATIA looks daggers at her, makes an angry growl of sorts. You know Miranda Richardson in Blackadder, as Queenie, when she's building towards blowing her top? Like that.]