Green MEPs, right-wing parties and environmental NGOs had a lot to celebrate in the weekend as pro-Russian presidential candidates were voted in Moldova and Bulgaria. This comes only a few days after Donal Trump, a good old friend of Mr. Putin, was elected President in the US, triggering what is seen as momentum of increasing Russian influence in Europe.

“We drank organic wines from Argentina and smoked fair-trade weed from Botswana all Sunday night with Le Pen, Orban and other right-wing friends. It was commonly agreed that Monday the 14th is from now on a bank holiday dedicated to the return of Soviet rule and zero-resource consumption in Eastern Europe. EU can finally achieve its decarbonisation and climate change commitments” said Martin Schultz, President of the European Parliament.

Citizens of Bulgaria, Moldova, Hungary and other pro-Russian countries are expected to switch to the Sustainable Soviet Wellbeing Consumption-zone (SSSWC) next week, a move that has met with tremendous popular support. One of the ardent supporters was Ms. Janna Milosevica, a 70+ year old pensioner from Sofia:

“Good old times are here. We will only have 2h of electricity a day, one car for each thousand people, we will eat almost no meat because there will be none in the supermarkets and we will only have 2 sets of clothes, which we are of course supposed to pass to future generation”

Billionaire George Soros was – completely unexpected – another vocal supporter of a transition to SSSWC. In a press conference at the newly opened campus for Soviet studies at the Central European University in Budapest, Mr. Soros confessed:

“I´ve had enough of speculating on the neoliberal markets. The capitalist/consumerist system is so predictable that I got awfully bored. I need new challenges so SSSWC came at the right time – I will from now on smuggle capitalist goods in SSSWC countries and make outrageous profits. I also borrowed Putin some money to fund his pro-Russian candidates so I expect to have preference on the newly-formed controlled markets from the East.”