w.w.t.d.? Why do you consider this crappy person your friend?

I am so excited for this column as a I have situation that has been dogging me for, (I’m ashamed to say it) years now. A very close friend, (a friend to the end type ) and I had a serious falling out. Married within a year of each other, she got pregnant pretty easily while I had several failed IVF’s. When I heard the news of her pregnancy, I sent her a really happy, congratulatory card with a CD with baby lullabies. I was hurting so much but did not want to put a damper on her excitement and joy. Flash forward 1 year so after her baby shower which I attended and gave her baby- to -be a really sweet gold medal with hands praying over a baby for the christening.

When a mutual friends graduation party rolled around I was thrilled to see her and meet the baby. She had been wanting to leave her well paying county job to be a stay at home mom before getting pregnant and tried various multi-level marketing things such as Arbonnee, etc. In the meantime her husband got involved with another multi-level marketing thing called World Ventures where you pay $200 per month as you try and recruit others to do the same and supposedly allows you to get discounts on travel, hello SCAM. I thought I made it clear I was not interested in joining but she insisted on coming to my home and making a presentation for which “she needed to use my computer” That day, my dog injured his leg and I texted her letting her know that we couldn’t really pin down a time to meet. She was very insistent and kept asking what time was our vet appointment, etc., etc.

Later that day she called me as my phone was dying and so I said Kelly, If I lose you me it’s because my phone is dying. She proceeded to tell me that I was avoiding her (by texting) and that she and Bob (her husband) “WERE TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE”S LIVES!” and I was being ungrateful and unprofessional. (at the time I had clients with a small business I had) At this point I was in tears , feeling attacked unfairly and so I said “okay Kelly, next time I’ll call” and she goes “BYE”! And hung-up.

Never heard from her again. One day on Facebook she posted this “ What is the point of all the money in the world if you don’t have a soul?” to which I replied “Amen” (I’m paraphrasing here) Still never heard from her so I picked up the phone and told her that since I wasn’t getting an apology from her I might as well let her know I was upset with the way she treated me. She was VERY defensive and hung up on me after I replied to one of her particular sanctimonious comment “Give me a F&*&^n break, Kelly! I called her back and she said “I’m a MOM now and I don’t have to put up with this and blah blah blah…really, you’re a mom now? I hadn’t noticed.

It turns out she said she did not hear me say “sure next time I’ll call you instead of texting” and we came to somewhat of an understanding I guess. Not before she told me that I was “flaky”. I just feel so wronged, yes I’m not perfect but I think she took her anger out on me and it wasn’t called for. We have mutual friends and I haven’t seen her in 2 years. I send her a congratulatory card on the birth of her second child a few months ago. Haven’t heard back. She never addresses me on Facebook either. SO, I’m dying to know, What would Tiffani do?? Thanks Tiffani! <3

Cristina

Dear Cristina,

I have read your letter several times and am a little baffled. Why do you have to do anything? She sounds like a really crappy person and why you consider her a “a friend to the end type,” I have no idea. Anyone who is so inconsiderate, rude and actually calls you “flaky, ungrateful and unprofessional” IS NOT A FRIEND! Friends are people you can trust, talk to, depend on, cry to, explain how your feeling and they actually listen. If she was your friend she would never have treated you the way she did. Just so you know, I don’t have any friends nor have I ever had any friend in my life who has treated me like you were treated. This person appears to be very self-absorbed and only cares about her life, her child, and her career.

I was once involved in a multilevel marketing product, Nuskin, and I loved the products. I still use a few of them now. I would call on my friends and ask to show them the products but if they weren’t interested, I let it go. I sold tons of product, but never was able to get someone under me to sell because I refused to push people into something they didn’t want to do. If she was your friend, she would have done the same thing.

I understand that you have mutual friends in common and may frequent the same events and parties once in a while, but so what. If you see her, say hello and be polite.

She clearly doesn’t care about your friendship because she has never apologized or attempted to reach out to you in 2 years.

THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO:

I personally would NEVER comment on her Facebook posts, and would probably unfriend her, if seeing her posts upset me. I wouldn’t waste my breath talking about her to any of my friends or try to keep up on her life. I would move on and focus on my true friends. If someone asks me why we aren’t friends anymore I would respond “We just grew apart .” I wouldn’t say anything else. I wouldn’t gossip about her, think about her or listen to anyone talk about her.

You didn’t do anything wrong, so why are you still worrying about this person?

I hope this helps even though I suspect you were hoping for more, but this is all I can offer you because it is what I would do.

xoxo tiffani

available on kindle

Remember I am not a trained professional, just an educated Mom who has an opinion about most things in life.

I will publish only your first name on my blog, or whatever name you want me to use. You can make one up if you want!

I am going to reserve the right to not answer any question that is out of my league or I feel uncomfortable answering. I will email everyone back who sends me a question and let them know if I can or can’t respond to their question

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND and please send me your questions!

Comments

Great advise! I haven’t spoken to my “best friend” since the last time she and her husband were having issues. Ever since she had a baby (and I chose not to) she doesn’t call unless she has an issue. Next time, I’m not answering the phone.
Thanks Tiffani!

Time to move on… Time to get going… yep, the post reminded me of an old song, lol, but it’s so true. I thought your advice was spot on. It hurts to move on sometimes, but in the long-run it turns out best and you don’t waste another second that shouldn’t be wasted.

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hi, I’m tiffani

Nothing fake or phony as I blog about my life as a mother and wife dealing with one daughter's daily seizures, autism, mental delay, violence and numerous other medical problems, while trying to raise the other two in a healthy, happy environment. I hope my blog will make you laugh, cry and think about real life issues every time you read a post.