Tag Archives: relationships

This isn’t the most natural blog post for me. If anything, I have a super tough time not meeting people and making friends. Getting out and finding new acquaintances comes naturally to me. If it doesn’t work for you, hang out with me, and I’ll share some hints. Also, while I wanted to include lovely photos, I do have that deadline.

“I don’t know if I can buy things online. I want to touch, feel, and be sure it’s what I want.”

“You’re showing your age.”

Sigh. Yes, I’m not the youngest out there and do like the in-person stuff. However, I am totally pwning the buying stuff online. (is pwning still a thing? is it not cool since I used it?) So is there hope for people who want to meet face to face and have the warm fuzzies when dating is all digital? Heck yeah!

It’s getting to where I know more couples who have met online, married or committed, and have continued to be happy years later. I’m not naming names, but some have met up in AOL chat. I know! Ancient!

But how? How do you know who a person is online and if you’ll like them? Good question! The first thing is to be honest in your profile. Even if you’re the only one who is, be honest. You don’t want a person attracted to a lie or even half truth. Lies are exhausting to keep up on a forever basis. Besides, you want to be loved for who you are, not who you can’t be. Honesty is good in the photo, too. Be recent and be proud of who you are right now. No one is perfect or where they want to be. Anyone who would judge you harshly on how you look now is not someone worth your effort.

Which leads to another aspect, the social media or dating app. Don’t roll around on Facebook for people if you’re a Twitter person. There is a definite difference between people who favor one or the other. If you wanted some opposites attract sort of thing, sure. Match your Snapchat to their blogger. Just be aware you’re quick and dirty while they’ll talk everything to death. If I weren’t on a deadline, I would list the Briggs-Meyer personality types of social media. Google the term if you don’t know what I mean. The Briggs-Meyer type is far more accurate than your zodiac sign.

If you’re someone who doesn’t trust easily or do want the in-person meetup, cool! Have I got some ideas for you. First of all, look at what you do when not at work. Do you go straight home? The gym? The grocery store? What hobbies do you have? My fave one, knitting, is not conducive to meeting guys. My husband doesn’t mind, but if I were single? I’d add in something a little more masculine. If you’re a guy who’s into cars, airplanes, monster trucks, all guy stuff, try something outside of your comfort zone. Cooking, art, exercise, any class you’d be leery of trying because it’s new and you might not be perfect at it. And if you’re a gal who’s done all that to no avail? Try auto repair, finance planning, monster trucks for a change of scenery.

I know this seems like I”m going along set gender roles, and I am. However, the gist of this is to push you out of the ordinary and into the extraordinary. Change is painful, I know, but if you want to find a new romantic partner, you’ll need to do new things. The worst case scenario is you don’t meet the love of your life but learn something terrific and new.

It’s about time I got back to the love and romance stuff, right? Launching a new book in a new series kept me distracted for the past couple of weeks. But now, I’m back to it, giving advice gleaned from twenty-four years of married bliss. By bliss, I mean no one’s been murdered, yet.

So. You’re in love. Can’t live a moment without each other. This is forever, and you know it. This time, anyway. Which was a lot like the last time, oddly enough.

Really, though. You’ve found the perfect for you person and want to make the relationship work. Today it’s easy. Tomorrow? Eh, your tomorrows tend to fall apart.

What do you do?

Road trip! Pick a place as far as time will allow you to travel and spend the night. The best thing to do is find somewhere neither one of you have been before and go. Why overnight? No reason and you are encouraged to make the trip longer. A road trip will tell you what another person is like when they’re lost, tired, hungry, or at the end of their compromise limit. I would recommend sharing a room even if you don’t share a bed quite yet. If you can tolerate the other person’s bedroom habits, it’s a checkmark in the Keeper column. Once you’re back home and remembering the trip, your feelings will tell you how much longer the relationship will last. Relieved to be alone? Yeah, unless your excursion lasted a week or so, it’s a warning.

Family or friend reunion! Does the idea scare you? Before you pull the ripcord on either your loved ones or loved one, think. Are you worried about them liking him or her? Or is his or her perception of your roots the problem? If you can’t introduce your significant other without qualms, you might rethink the whole in love thing. I’m assuming your relationships with reunion attendees are somewhat normal. A family with extreme dysfunction or toxic friends might be the ones you reconsider keeping in your life versus the love you’ve found.

Share the disinterested! Huh? He used to ski, you used to antique shop. Or, she used to run races, you used to put together model cars. Now, you both do neither for now. And that’s a point to consider. Train for the 5K with her, hit the slopes with him. Even if one or both people can’t get into their partner’s interests, they should at least be able to empathize. My husband doesn’t knit, and I don’t Knights of Columbus, but we appreciate how the other likes doing so. He brings me Tootsie Rolls from their fundraising, and I’ll knit him sweaters. I’d say if one person has a destructive habit or a red line activity, really take a step back and reconsider if this is a relationship you want to work on. Expanding your interests or point of view are all right but compromising them is quite another.

Are there more ways to truly get to know a person in a hurry? Leave a reply and tell me your ways!

So. Tomorrow is my birthday and I’m struggling with finding a place on the cake for all the candles. I catch myself almost saying, “You kids get off of my lawn,” and “Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?” far too often. And in both cases, I’m thinking those phrases about today’s political climate in the United States.

I’m ignoring you.

I’m personally tired of the fighting and want to get back to the love. Turns out, love can be automated! Who knew? Okay, everyone under a certain age did, but still. Swipe, and voila! Someone new to accept or reject. While the saying might be don’t judge a book by its cover, everyone goes by appearances at first. We have to, until we’re able to dig deeper.

Does digital hookups mean we’re finished with random dating and plunging all in with love at first swipe? Maybe, and maybe not. Thing is, if you’re out there living your best life, you’re going to run into interesting people because they’re going to be focused on their best life, as well.

If you’re socially active and know to get out of the house to find datable people, you probably already know to expand your interests to meet ideal people for dating. What do I mean by that? Simple. If you date men, attending female-oriented clubs or organizations won’t be the best way to find guys and vice versa. Of course, there are exceptions. You know there always are. But if you want to meet a straight man at a knitting class, the odds aren’t in your favor. Which is good for the straight guys and honestly? Non-knitting men are missing out. Seriously. If you’re wanting to meet cute, hip, and crafty women, knitting and other fibery arts are the way to go. Don’t want to sign up for a “girly” class just to pick up chicks? That’s cool. Someone else can meet and marry one of your soulmates, no biggie.

The bottom line? Meeting a romantic interest in real life is possible. If you’re rarely finding anyone new and interesting, get out of your comfort zone. Shop in new places, work out in a new park or gym, link up with your friends and go on a day or weekend road trip.

Do you have a story about trying something new and meeting a dating partner? Comment and tell me all about it! Obviously, I love romances and want to read yours. ❤

So when IS a good time for love and romance? Like everything else in the world, the answer depends on what you need and what stage of your life you’re in.

For example, and he’s going to LOVE this, my husband made up his mind on how exactly he was going to fall in love, with what type of woman, and approximately where he’d meet her. And? He did. The guy had a template in his mind and while he might have dated around, he didn’t deviate from his internal list.

Side note: If you’re in for a quick lesson on how to create your own perfect partner template, check this out. I plan on having a longer post later on how perfect is a moving target when it comes to people so click the follow button wherever it is at the moment.

Me? I’d been building my internal list all of my life by dating men who were almost but not quite right. One had the master’s degree and physical appearance but not the sexual preference. Another had the solid family background but not the appearance or ambition I wanted. Still others didn’t have the financial knowledge, something I lacked and wanted my life partner to have, but did have mechanical knowledge.

Another side notes: Turns out, my perfect partner doesn’t have mechanical knowledge after all, but knows how to hire people who do. Thus, a good example of how perfection is a sliding scale at times.

And that’s the bottom line. My perfect is not only NOT your perfect, sometimes, I have no perfect and that’s okay. No one is 100% every minute. The secret is to find the person who compliments you without needing to complete you.

I know this is another short and sweet, but in author news, I’m researching the Pony Express like a fiend, planning for the Vancouver Author Event and week researching the Pacific coast’s history, and marketing our latest release with my anthology partners. In personal news, I’m helping a friend by being a quilting guinea pig, studying for my ice skating test (yes, it’s a thing), and resuming the five to six miles a day trail walking.

Whew! I need a nap. 😉 Comment below with what you have going on this spring. It’s my favorite time of the year and I love how everyone celebrates the new season.

I’d spent the weekend hibernating which means I’m playing catch up today.

I had this lovely blog post typed up with so many words to say in relationships, don’t look to others to fix you. Don’t look to others to complete you. Don’t look to others to improve you.

Or to put everything in a positive light:

Fix your broken parts first. Take care of your heart, mind, body instead of putting the responsibility on someone else. Unless…they happen to have letters after their name like MD, Ph.D and you’re not dating them. In that case, let them fix you because it’s their job.

Be an entire person for yourself. “You complete me,” is a lovely quote but in real life? No one should be another person’s missing half. Stronger Together is always better than Need Each Other To Survive. Another unless…unless you’re in a frozen wasteland like my backyard in the above photo and have only the two of you to rely on for survival. Then yes. No rules.

Self-improvement is best done by yourself. Not someone else’s self. My final unless? Unless you’re paying fees to a trainer, nutritionist, life coach, or doing another sort of expertise swap, your significant other isn’t your guru. In a perfect world, each person is improving and sharing the improvement instead of dragging each other along.

Bottom line? We aren’t puzzle pieces but whole human beings. Situations and people knock chunks out of our well-being and it’s up to each one of us to Spackle our own wounds. When you’re looking for a new relationship or trying to keep a marriage strong, go in as a complete person.