(Across, Fat Joe in all his bigness speaking at the March 2009 92Q Music & Entertainment Seminar in Baltimore, Maryland; unfortunately, that bigness is probably what may have got him and his boys in stir from Saturday until early Monday morning. Word, don’t party like this in Madison, WI.)

At approximately 12:46 AM, Madison Police were dispatched to the 400 block of N. Lake Street (near the UW campus) reference allegations of a sexual assault. After police arrived on scene, allegations by a 33-year-old female involved the entourage of Joseph Cartagena (AKA “Fat Joe”), after a hip hop concert at the Orpheum Theater on 6/20/2010.

The concert started at 7pm at The Orpheum Theater (located at 216 State Street, the main downtown drag in Mad City, which leads to the UW campus), and shortly after the concert had concluded, a 33-year-old female found herself inside of a Cadillac Limousine with Joseph Cartagena and other male subjects all with the destination of a hotel located on Madison’s west side. There were allegations of inappropriate touching involving the female, and after some time had elapsed, the female reported this matter to Madison Police.

Jeez, “after some time had elapsed.” It might have felt like eons to her.

Sounds like the woman was impaired–drunk or doing drugs or both–and some members of the entourage probably thought that she was prime for some after-concert shenanigans. Like a train. And it might have turned out much, much worse at the hotel.

You know, this looks exactly like how two bodyguards primed a young woman in the notorious Ben Roethlisberger case earlier this year. Of course, that was his second episode of mounting a girl without her say-so, even if she was halfway drunk and afraid of his boys.

Orpheum Theatre Booking/Production Manager Chris Schroeder is unavailable for comment at this time about the apparently last-minute concert. But rest assured, if we had known that Fat Joe was opening for (?) Brandy’s kid brother and reality television gross-out specialist Ray J and the hip-hop visionary behind “No Panties,” Trina, we’d have been all over that shit. Of course, this alleged incident could move Fat Joe down quite a few pegs in our book, and possibly give 50 Cent some ammo for his next dis track.

Far be it for me to know who is up and who is down these days in music, but when women are used against their wills as rape fodder, people begin lose their respect or admiration for guys like these, no matter how popular they are or used to be. There is so much free tail in the Universe, so why they did they have to hit on this woman? I just don’t believe that they were being soooo nice to a fan. Why they would think a female fan would dig being touched if she did not wish to be touched, either by one of FJ’s crew, or by FJ himself? Is this the payback for being with somebody famous?

This account also makes me think that there was only one woman in the limo. One woman? Three or four I could believe. Somehow, Fat Joe and his boys seemed to be really hard up for hootchie action. That means, they could only talk one woman to come hang out with them? This is hard to believe on one end of the spectrum, but totally believable on another end, if there is any truth to the AV article.

Naturally, there was a press memo put out by FJ’s lawyer that gives the other side of the story:

Rapper Joseph Cartagena, known as Fat Joe, members of his entourage and security staff were briefly questioned by members of the Madison, Wisconsin Police Department who were investigating false allegations made by a woman who initially posed as a fan and later claimed to be the victim of an assault after demanding money.

At no point did Mr. Cartagena or any member of his entourage assault or have any improper contact with the woman. It is truly unfortunate that false allegations such as these cause the public to doubt the claims of actual victims of sexual assaults.

Which also means that Joe and his crew were able to skip town pending further investigation by the Madison boys in blue.

So if the guys’ story is to be believed, why do the women always have to shake down the perpetrators? Does it have to always boil down to a dissatisfied hoe sticking it to an “innocent” john? It’s believable a few times, but several million times, no. I swear this scenario, repeated over and over again, sounds too much like a broken record. A hip hop record.

I think the truth is midway between these two stories. If she was the only woman in the car or saw that there were fewer women on board, she probably changed her mind. Or she saw that she wouldn’t be the only one seeking Joe’s favors. Suddenly dumb got smart. Then they wouldn’t let her out; she caused an incident in the limo connected with being fondled. When they finally did let her out, she went and called the cops. That’s what I think went down.

Next time in Mad City, guys, pay a reputable (not Craig’s List) escort service here to deliver what you want without incident. And don’t pick up a fan. They really don’t want to see who you really are; it’s best to keep up the fantasy as long as possible.

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