Thursday, December 31, 2009

This last decade has been a decade of learning, growing, teaching and all the good and bad stuff that comes with life. So let me take you on a little journey of the past 10 years of my life. (I promise it won't be too long, just grab a cup of coffee (or Pepsi) and have a seat)

2000 - In April I got married, gained a new family and spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY!

2001 - My grandpa passed away in May. One of the worst days in my life. The only good thing that came from that is all my family from everywhere came home to Ohio and all the cousins and husbands and wives got together for a party and we all had the time of our life. It is one night I will never forget. I felt like I really got to know a lot of my family. I have so many special memories of that night and that whole weekend. I could write on and on about it but I won't. I'll save that for another post.

Also found out in late summer of 2001 that I was pregnant. YEAH!!

2002 - My baby Emma was born April 18th, 7lbs, 8oz, 21 inches long, 9:36am. My grandma was the first person to hold her (besides the parents) and I will always cherish that.

2003 - First really vacation - Myrtle Beach with some very awesome friends

2004 - Separated and divorced husband from above. I am not going into details because I don't think it's appropriate to put all details out there. But having a few close friends and my church really helped me get through all of this.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My life is going to start changing January 2nd. I am taking my diet and exercise plan to a whole new level.

I am going to master the weight loss thing once and for all. You can start calling me Princess Kelly anytime you want.

I got the hook up through Mad Woman about this amazing group of bloggers who are going to come together and lose some weight. You can check out Dual Mom or ZGirl for all the details and to sign up and grab a button.

I am finally ready to shed all these extra pounds. I am talking alot of poundage here. Like a big 80 of them. I know I won't be able to lose it all like in a week, but it's going to be a process. I WILL LOOK DECENT AT THE BEACH THIS SUMMER.

I am going to take the things that I have learned from Pro Fitness Camp owner, Lorraine, and I am going to do all the things I should of been doing for like months now.

Look for my updates every Wednesday and feel free to drop by and show some love.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Chase comes up to me yesterday and says "when I close my eyes, it gets dark" Wow, you would of thought a 3 year old would know that by now

Christmas is ready to go at my house, all presents are done, cookies are made and the kids have all had baths. I am so ahead of the game.

I am VERY excited to be working at the shelter on Christmas morning. It's not even really about the money, I am just really excited to see the kids here open gifts!

Matt's birthday went well. He got lots of clothes - haha for him.

Chase is hitting the terrible 3's. Lord give me strength.

Landon has now begun using the word duh. He will answer a question and end it with "duh".

As I am typing this my stomach is hurting really bad. I am hoping it was the fiber bar and popcorn I had. There has been a stomach bug going around the shelter and if I get it now, it would just be really bad timing.

Knock on wood, but ALL my kids might be healthy for the first Christmas in 4 years!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009

I had a meeting with my pastor a few weeks ago about some of the issues I have been having lately and it really helped.She opened my eyes to thoughts I didn't even know I had.I've also come to realize a few things on my own.I think one reason why I cannot choose not to forgive my mom and dad for all the physical, emotional and sexual abuse is because once I do forgive them, and then I will have nothing. I will have no emotional connection to these people. I will be blank and empty. I think I am holding on to the anger and hurt as a way to still be connected with them. I will do this but I am just not ready.

Lately a few people in my life have told me to “get over it”, “move on”, “not that big of a deal, it happened so long ago”. Those are words that I truly hate to hear. I hate them. I would never tell the women and children that I work with to “get over it”. Physical, emotional and sexual abuse is something you just don’t “get over”. It is a healing process and everyday is a learning experience for me. Since working at the Battered Women’s Shelter it has brought out new feelings and heartache for me. It has made me face some hurts and fears that I have pushed so deep down inside. Everyday it seems like new things are surfacing. Some days it hurts so bad to think about my past. Some days I feel like I HATE my mom and dad. I feel like I hate the rest of my family for not helping me and my siblings. I hate Children Services for never doing anything every time I called. And some days I am ok. Some days I can be normal and I can have normal conversations with my mom and family.

My family and friends and even my siblings do not understand what I went through. My siblings went through there own ordeals and have dealt with them. I was the oldest, I got everything the worst. I got in trouble for my brother and sister getting in trouble. I got in trouble for the house not being clean, laundry not being done, my sister and brother fighting, me fighting with them. Everything. And it still affects me to this day.

I have to be aware everyday of how I parent. I have to be sure and not blame Emma for something that Landon or Chase did. I have to make sure and punish the boys on somewhat a same level as Emma. I never want Emma to come to me accusing me of treating her worse then her siblings. This is a daily thing for me. I have to try and refrain from having Emma do “everything” for me. “Emma, go get your brothers jammies, Emma get them a drink, Emma, get them a snack, Emma turn the bathroom light on for Chase, Emma, turn my light off, Emma, shut my door” I could go on and on. I need to daily put my self in check.

The sexual abuse still haunts me to this day. For those of you who don’t want to read this, I am now going to be talking about my sex life, so you may want to stop reading.I am dealing with the effects from the sexual abuse EVERY DAY.It happened when I was 11-12 with my mom’s boyfriend at the time. I am not going into details but I still remember everything.Pastor Brenda pointed out a few things about this that I would like to share. I spent my entire like searching for affection and acceptation. I had sex at the age of 12 with an 18 year old boy because I was looking for affection. I spent the next 8 years sleeping with any boy who looked at me. Never really finding the satisfaction that I was looking for. I was a constant cheater. If I had a boyfriend for an extended amount of time, you can probably bet that I cheated on him, you know, before he cheats on me, because I was sure that’s what was going to happen. So I was going to hurt him before he could hurt me. Then the guy would find out and dump me, leaving me crushed and waiting for the next boy to put me back together. When I was 18 I found Tim. He was a great guy. We hit it off, moved into together and decided to get married. As soon as we got married, the sex stopped. Turns out it’s very typical with sexual abuse victims, that once they do find them selves in a committed relationship, they tend to pull back. The chase is over. There is nothing left to go after. And I know this played a huge part in my divorce from him. I am not saying it was 100% my fault but this definitely played a part.After my divorce I continued my sleeping around because that’s what I am good at.I found another man, Matt. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He treats me very well, he is the best dad any kid could ask for but yet I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want hugs, kisses, butt taps, boob brushes, sex, nothing. I literally cringe when I have to kiss him good bye in the morning sometimes.

And because of Pastor Brenda, I realize this. I have sat Matt down and talked to him about it. I told him my true and raw feelings. And now I am in a healing process so I can once again be intimate with my husband.

So I guess this whole post was about, if you know me, don’t tell me to “get over it” unless you have walked a day in my shoes. I am truly happy for those of you who can overcome issues in good time. I wish I could be like you. I have so much emotional baggage that it takes me a little longer. I am on the road but it looks like a long twisty road. I will make it but it takes time.

I am going to go through a program at church called “Freedom through Christ”. The title pretty much describes it all. After the holidays I am going to make my appt. I didn’t think it was fair to my husband and kids if I take on a big emotional task right now.

I am going to make it through all of this. I know I am. I have the love of God, my husband, my children and the few people around me who have always been there. And that’s all I need.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I finished all my Christmas shopping and I have 4 presents left to wrap!!

Looking for boots for Landon and Chase was almost impossible. It was so hard to find a decent pair at a decent price. I finally logged on to www.kmart.com and found a buy one get one half off and 20% off entire order with $1.98 shipping. I got each pair 2 sizes to big so hopefully they can use them next year too.

I have lots of baking to do the next few days. Tonight I have a party at church for the class I teach and I have to make cupcakes, Thursday is a staff meeting / Christmas party and of course I opened my big mouth and said I would bring brownies and beer bread with some kind of dip. Sunday is Matt's birthday party and he wants cherry crumb pie and manicotti. Tuesday is Landon's party at school and again opened big mouth and said I would bring the Happy Birthday Jesus cake. Tuesday we are making our sugar cutouts for Santa. Like I said, lots of baking.

A friend of mine had her twin baby boys on Monday!!! And I could not be more excited. She will be receiving some of my famous manicotti on Saturday.

Trying to figure out how to stretch our last $100 into groceries for us to eat and all the above mentioned items for baking and Matt's birthday, oh and it needs to really stretch for gas in my car. This one is going to take lots of praying.

Getting nervous about Christmas. I picked up to work Christmas morning here at the shelter. Midnight to 8am. I really wanted to be here to watch the moms and kids here open gifts and spend some time with them, on the other hand I am trying to figure how Christmas Eve is going to go and Christmas morning. We have service at 7pm, then home, jammies, a Christmas cartoon and put them to bed, then when we know they are asleep Matt and I have to get all the presents out and stuff the stockings and put together the air hockey table, then at 1130pm, I have to leave for work. I think I am going to wear my Christmas jammies to work (save a step in the morning), then after I get off at 8am, race home, sneak in, hop in bed and wait for the kids to wake up. I am just nervous they will get up before I get home and I really want to take pictures of them as soon as they wake up. Oh well, I think it's worth it getting to spend time here at work with the clients and the kids.

My diet is not going well the past 2 weeks. All I have done is sleep and eat. And I am not really sticking to the diet so well. At times I am, then others not so much. And as for the exercise program, I haven't done that in two weeks. I need to suck it up, make a commitment to start doing it again ASAP. I cannot fail this. I have already gained a few pounds back and I have failed to meet my Christmas goal. I should of been able to meet the goal had a worked really hard and stuck to everything 100%. So I am making a new goal and I am making the commitment to stick to it no matter what. I want to be proud of my self this summer and I don't want Landon saying he likes to lay on me because I'm squishy.

Okay well, that about does it for now. Just some things that are floating through my brain. Till next time!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

It was a tough pregnancy for me. My pelvis split, smyphsisseparation, during my 4th month. It was awful pain all the time. And lots and lots of pressure, it kinda sucked.

Other then that, the pregnancy was normal and fine. I ate lots of frozen fruit and mozzarella sticks, the fried ones of course.

They had me scheduled for induction on November 30th. He was due December 6th but because of my pelvis issues they wanted me in and ready to go.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving which I believe would of been the 27th, my hubby and I went out for one last meal before Landon arrived. We decided to go to Roadhouse Steakhouse because at this point me and beef were best friends.

And of course I ordered chicken, cause it was smothered with cheese and bacon.

And that's when it happened. Hubby and I both got food poisoning. We didn't know until Sunday morning. He called off work and we were in bed all day and all night. Towards late Sunday evening, he was feeling better but my tummy still hurt pretty bad.

About 11pm, my tummy really bad. I was contracting really hard and they were coming fast. I woke up Matt and told him we need to go NOW. Of course I had nothing set up for Emma since we weren't supposed to be going in for one more day. So I had to call my grandma at 11pm at night ( I knew she would be up cause she watched the 11pm news) and we had to run her over there, no coat, no shoes, I am such a horrible mom. She slept through it all.

So we get to the hospital and they check me, I was a 3 to 3 1/2, so they said I was not in active labor. Once they hooked me up to the monitors it was pretty clear I was and I told them about the potential food poisoning. They said the only way to know for sure was to test my number 2, so we did and of course it came back as food poisoning. Stupid Roadhouse (haven't ate there since)

So once they gave me 5 bags of fluids and some good make me feel better drugs, my labor pretty much stopped. The doctors went back and forth and whether they were going to keep me or send me home and make me come back tomorrow. I swear they discussed this for like 2 hours!!

Finally at 11am, they came in and told me they were going to break my water and get things going.

Blah, blah, blah, going through labor and all that fun stuff. And I am so not going to get into how they tried the epidural 5 times and it never worked!!! (after he was born went to the doc and found out I have scoliosis in my lower back)

So at 3:15pm, doctor comes in and says it's time. Doesn't even check me, they just start getting ready. They must of known from watching the monitors cause when he was all ready he pulled the sheet up and there was my sons head.

I pushed a few times, my husband touched my foot and I about killed him, but after a few times of pushing and breathing, Landon Alexander came into this world.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Yes, I was the nutso out on Black Friday shopping after like 3 days of no sleep.

I work 3rd shift (midnight to 8am) I try to sleep from like 9am-5pm, then get up and spend time with the kiddos.

So Wednesday (day before Thanksgiving) I seriously get like 5 hours of sleep. I didn't fall asleep until like 3pm and my hubby got me up at 8ish pm. So I go into work and work, and I worked Thanksgiving because 1. it's 12a to 8am, who does anything then, 2. we are eating at my grandma's at 3pm which gives me plenty of time to go home and sleep until 2pm.

So I get off work Thanksgiving at 8am and decide to head to KMart (gotta start Black Friday shopping early!!), I get home at like 9am and decide to stay awake. We head to my mothers for breakfast (we do it every year, since we all are so busy my mom makes breakfast about 930am every Thanksgiving)

Okay, so blah, blah, blah the rest of the Thanksgiving happens, we eat turkey, mashed potatoes and all that great stuff. May I point out that this young lady DID NOT have any dessert!! I am taking my diet pretty seriously!! YEAH ME!!

We get home around 730pm and I decide it's time to take a nap before shopping. I finally fall asleep around 930pm cause you know I had to catch up on my Season 4 of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders!!

Back home at 945am and that's when BFF calls and said she forgot her bread new camera in the back of my car, thank goodness she offered to come over and pick it up

Kmart - 5pm - return a few things cause I got better deals at different stores

Burger King - 530pm, the kids have to eat something while Mommy's going crazy shopping

Walmart - 630pm - not Christmas shopping, I have to get many thing to make Landon's birthday cake and supplies for his party (birthday party post coming next)

My shopping was a HUGE success!! I am very proud of everything I bought. I stuck to budget and I stuck to my spreadsheet (and yes, I did make a spreadsheet of the order of stores, what I was going to buy and the approx. cost)

Well, now it's time to go and update my other spreadsheet, you know, the one with everyone's name and what I got for them and how much I spent and what store I bought it at!!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The withdraw is long and tight and by tight, I mean your jeans feel tight.

I know I need to go cold turkey but I'm scared.

What am I going to sleep in? What am I going to go to work in? What am I going to wear on the weekends?

I have so many questions and not enough answers.

I have a long hard road ahead of me. But I think with the support of my friends and family, I may be able to put on actual pants at least one day a week.

Please friends, pray for me that I can make it through this. My sweats are starting to get holes in the butt and I need to buy more, but I am scared.

Am I always going to be know as the "Sweatpants girl"? I hope not.

**Story brought to you by Emma, my 7 year old. I went to a baby shower on Sunday and I put jeans and I nice shirt on. When I walked in from the shower, her eyes lit up and she got a huge smile on her face and said "wow, mommy, you are soooo dressed up and so pretty"

Baby Boy blowing out his candles (He only got one and Landon took over and did the rest) As we were singing Happy Birthday! Cake before I iced itCake was a HUGE hit!The cupcakes and cake (gotta have white AND chocolate!!)

After I got done icing the cake and the next morning I woke up to little finger holes all over the cake. I guess that's what I get for trying to get it done the day before.

So, Chase's party was a HUGE success. Everyone had a great time and Chase received many awesome things!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

I was induced on November 6th, 2005. We were to be at the hospital at 8am, so of course I was there at 730am. I was sooooo nervous!! My stomach was going nuts all night and all morning and I spent the first 2 hours in the bathroom, you know, doing my business

*** side note: the day before I gave birth to each of my kids, I had a serious case of the number 2's, hmmmm, must be a way for my body to tell me to pack my bags***

So I finally get hooked up to my IV and all my drugs and all that fun stuff.

I was cruising along till about 11am when the mean doctor decided to break my water and kick me into high gear.

All I remember is my hubby touched my foot and I WENT OFF. I think the people in the next room could hear me telling him what I thought.

About 1pm, I got my epidural!! It was magical. Life was good and I was moving right along. I was somewhere between 6-7cm dilated.

At 3pm, I had what felt like the longest contraction EVER. I was getting ready to call the nurse when in came the nurse and my doc. And without even checking me she told me it was time.

So she checked me and yep, it was time....man she is good!!

So another doc I see came in and asked me if a member of the hospital who just so happens to be a big donate could watch my birth. She wanted to see someone give birth then apparently write a big fat check to the hospital.

How could I say no when I have had all 3 of my children here.

So now I have 3 nurses, a resident doc, my OB, my other OB, some rich lady and then in walks in 3 students.

At this point I am so ready to go and meet my son, I really didn't care. I just wanted to see my baby!

So to wrap things up, Chase Allen Lee Wolfe was born at 3:39pm, 8lbs, 7oz, 21 inches long

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Since I am pretty new to the bloggy world, I though I would steal this from Mad Woman and share a little bit about myself. I know my blogs have been downers lately but that is going to change (well, not all the time) but I am going to be posting my restaurant reviews every Monday and then I am going to steal from some other blogs to figure out what I should do the rest of the week. Hmmm, any suggestions??

So here are the ABC's of Me!! Yeah, everything you always wanted!!

A – ADVOCATE FOR: I am advocate for Domestic Violence Victims and Sexual Assault Victims. I currently work for a domestic violence shelter and love working with the women and children who have to come and live here.

B – BEST FEATURE: My hubby would say my boobies of course, I mean they are a little large and all but he loves them. I love my lips. They are nice and plump without being too plump I can't drink out of a straw

C – COULD DO WITHOUT: My children fighting. Dieting. Bills.

D – DREAMS & DESIRES: I want to be a good mom. I want to be a good wife. I want to pay off all my debt and buy some new cars. I want to be famous for something, just not sure what that is yet....

E – ESSENTIAL ITEMS: My 3 favorite outfits, all from the GAP. They include a sweatshirt and sweat pants each in pink, blue, brown. I wear them to work EVERY NIGHT. I do laundry on Wednesday and it starts over, then on Sundays I wear normal clothes, you know, like jeans and a nice shirt. I need my coffee, Pepsi, my laptop with charger and MY CELL PHONE!!

F – FAVORITE PAST TIME: Ok, time to get all corny, but I LOVED my high school dances. All of them, really I did. It was such a magical time where I could dress up and look beautiful and leave all my problems somewhere else for a few hours.

G – GOOD AT: I am AWESOME at cooking and baking, you know, when I actually do. I grew up in restaurants and went to cooking school. I would do it more but I HATE cleaning up and putting everything away.

H – HAVE NEVER TRIED: Rock climbing. It just looks like alot of work and painful if something goes wrong. I try to avoid work at all costs.

I – IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Sell my stupid house and buy a nice big one with all the crazy stuff like an inside pool, an outside pool, a basketball court, a theater, each kid has there own rooms, each kid has a play room (cause when they have friends over, they can call play separate), nice large open concept house, nice outdoor seating with fireplace and built it BBQ, a master bedroom with an equally size master bath and walk in closet, the whole house would be hardwood with heated floors, 2 offices (cause I ain't sharing with the hubby no more), a scrapbook room, a "man" room, has to have a HUGE garage cause hubby loves to play with his cars, oh and I would buy a few cars. But I would also donate a ton to church, Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault victims, set of college funds for my kids and then give some to my bro and sister.

J – JUNKIE FOR: Taco Bell (please no yelling) I LOVE that place. I know it's crap and made from all kinds of funky stuff but I can't get enough and I HAVE to wash it down with some Pepsi

K – KINDRED SPIRIT: I have 2 really great friends, Tara and Christina. Both are unique in there own ways and I get to share different sides of myself with them. I love them dearly and would do anything for them or their families.

L – LITTLE KNOWN FACT: I was a Betty Bad Ass in school. My sister and I worked as a team. You knew not to mess with the Robinson girls. After many many many suspensions and detentions, I eventually graduated and joined the Army. I credit the Army for turning my life around and making me a respectable human being.

M – MEMORABLE MOMENT: The day all my children were born (one day I will write it all down so I can remember when I'm old) And I know it's not a great memorable moment, but I remember standing in the court room getting divorced from my first husband, also know as, The Worst Day of My Life. I know there are people out there that question that, but it was truly something I would not wish on my worst enemy, ever.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I have a new part time job! I have decided to be a food critic with a co worker of mine. Every Friday morning, we are hitting a new local restaurant here in Northeast Ohio and giving a review. We decided to do this because we go out to breakfast on Friday mornings and food is what we both love (besides helping survivors of Domestic Violence). I am getting ready to post our first review. I'll be honest, mine is sucky but Deb's is awesome. She is such a talented writer, I gotta step up my game for next week.

Below is the information posted on Facebook, take a few minutes and check us out!!

"Deb & Kelly... CIS warriors by profession, humorous food critics at heart. We have decided to share with our readers the adventures of the most important meal of the day... Breakfast ! Our tasteful or sometimes tasteless journey's will take you to some of Northeast Ohio's finest breakfast hot spots where the food, service, and value will be scrutinized by these 2 very notable food connoisseur's. With over 60 years of combined eating experience; you can't go wrong with Deb & Kelly's "EGG" celent Adventure's ! Follow us on FACEBOOK"

Nestled in the heart of Portage Lakes, neighboring a trailer park; Woody's Restaurant offers a unique dining experience. What appears as if you have entered Mel's Diner from the 70's sitcom Alice, Woody's decor hasn't changed a bit since I was a kid. Designedly challenged, the booths and tables are packed in just as the local grease grubbers appreciate it. Although Woody's is facially deteriorating, the place is clean and free of dried eggs and permanent coffee rings on the tables. I decided to order Corned Beef Hash, Poached eggs, and Rye Toast. I added a side of Hash Browns because I felt that my ass wasn't quite squeezed in the booth tight enough as it was. The presentation of my entree' was... well.. slopped on the plate. The hash was zesty with a bit of "I just got this out of a can" appearance. My poached eggs however were attractive and appetizing. The prices at Woody's are great; this place would definitely fit a weekly string budget for the fiscally challenged. My breakfast was a whopping $ 6.75 including my iced tea. I also left our waitress Flo a few bucks to put towards her dental work. My final review of Woody's get's 2 FORKS; a Decent Dive, however affordable to miss if you're in the Portage Lakes area.

Kel's Review:::

Wow, so excited!! My very first review!! So ya walk in and whoa!! hello 1970's. We had no idea if we were to seat ourselves or wait, but luckily a nice waitress told us to grab some seats. The place was filled with what appeared to be locals. Everyone seemed to be having a great time and enjoying themselves. I ordered Sausage Gravy and Biscuits and a side of grits. The waitress made sure I knew the gravy was a little hot and spicy. Our waitress was so nice and friendly, but not fake nice, she was really for real nice. Our food came out shortly. Deb and I enjoyed some nice conversation and before you knew it, the food was there. My food looked good, not great, but good. The sausage gravy was an orangish color so it kind of freaked me out. The sausage gravy tasted ok. It was made with hot Italian sausage instead of breakfast sausage. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good. It would of tasted much better over a plate of mashed potatoes instead of biscuits. The grits were amazing. They weren't to runny and not too thick and cooked perfectly. As far as price goes, it was perfect. You got pretty nice size portions for a pretty nice price. My Sausage Gravy and Biscuits were $3.50 and the grits were $2.00, the hot tea was $1.50. So in my opinion the price suited the breakfast. So for my first review I am giving this restaurant 3 FORKS. This would make a nice quiet breakfast. Hang out with some locals, eat some pretty good food and not go broke.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Hubby and I went on a date. We went to a consignment shop to shop for the kids and Steak N Shake. Yes folks, you heard it right, shopping for the kids and some fast food. In my defense, at Steak N Shake they have the Carmel Apple Milkshakes back for the season and I know my hubby LOVES them, so I surprised him and took him there for dinner.

OK, back to the bragging part. Here is a list of what I purchased at he children's consignment shop:

Monday, September 28, 2009

I am listening to the rain come down right now. It is the most peaceful sound at times.

I feel like my last couple posts have been such Debbie Downers. I am trying to get a new way of thinking.

Today at church I helped out in the nursery and got to hold a new born baby.It's been almost 3 years since I have done that. He just laid there staring at me. He was so innocent and peaceful. Then he fell asleep on my chest and I didn't want to give him up when his mom came for him.

I miss that. I miss the innocence. I look at my own childhood and I look at my children and I realized I am stripping them from their innocence.

I don't want to be mean, I don't want to yell. I want to be the loving, caring mom that I have always dreamed of.

I mean, it's stressful. Emma is getting so big and she is learning life everywhere she turns. I want to protect her from the hurt and sadness that is coming. I recently learned that her father and step mom got divorced. They didn't tell anyone and they are still living together. I may or may not have gotten on to our county's public records to find out this info. (What else am I gonna do at 430 am??) I know her pain is coming. My heart breaks for her. She has already had to go through the divorce of her father and I and that was really bad. I just know it's coming.

The boys, Landon and Chase are driving me crazy. I know that it's because they are so close (11 months apart) and they are almost 4 and 3. It's just that they fight all the time. ALL THE TIME. I wish I could explain to them that by them fighting they are just hurting them selves.

I want my kids to to be happy. And for the most part, I think they are.

The main thing is - I LOVE MY KIDS and would give anything for them. I do recognize my problems and I am slowly working on them.

I just don't want them to grow up and write blogs abut how messed up there mom was, just like I do. I want them to grow up thinking they had the best childhood a kid could ask for. I want them to grow up and give everything they have to their own kids.

I am working on, it just takes time. But I don't have too much time.....

Friday, September 11, 2009

Update: I wrote this about a month ago and was trying to decide to post it, well I am, so here it is. All the craziness you can handle....

Seriously, I can't. I feel like so much is slipping away. I feel like I am losing my mind. What is going on? I feel so out of it. Like I am dreaming, like I am watching a Lifetime movie.

My kids drive me nuts and dare I say it, but are bad most of the time. I get so flustered. All Landon seems to do is throw HUGE screaming tantrums, hit his siblings and try to steal food. I woke up Tuesday and came to hang with the kids and Chase had a bite mark the size of a quarter on his arm. I WAS PISSED!! What the heck was Landon thinking??? I totally screwed this kid up and I can't figure out how to fix him!! Matt and I even went to a therpist because his behavior is sooooo bad. We got some good tips but nothing to fix him. And I know what I am about to say will prolly not win me mother of the year, but sometimes I don't like him. Don't get me wrong, I love all my children and would do absolutley anything for them, but there are days where I could pack him stuff up and put him on the corner with a for sale sigh attached to his shirt. I know that prolly makes me a horrible parent but I am tired. I am tired of all the fighting, all the screaming. I'm just so tired. I feel like I am out of options. Landon has his first day of preschool Tuesday which was the day of the biting and today was his second day. And he totally treated me like crap in front of 143 cheerleaders and the parents.

I know your prolly thinking how a 3 year can treat you like crap. Well, I was standing there listening to the director give annoucements and I told the boys they could go play in the grassy area. And before long I hear Chase screaming, look over and Landon's beating the crap out of him. I run over there, yell quietly and put them both in time out and Landon starts screaming, and I mean SCREAMING "YOU DON'T TELL ME THAT" "YOU DON'T HIT ME" (which I didn't, cause I NEVER hit in public for fear that someone will freak out and call children services) and he screamed a bunch more things and of course everyones looking at me. It was AWFUL.

My marriage is hard (yes folks, I know marriage is hard, but the second time around and we are having issues one begins to think that is it herself who has the problems) And yes, I truly think I am the cause of all this. I keep thinking, if I could just get my crap together everything would be fine.

I am a mess. I spend money we don't have ( I have impulse control folks) I am dieting and I keep cheating, not bad cheating, but I am. I am letting down a god friend who put this whole weight loss plan together. It took her alot of time and I am letting her down. I just don't have the motivation. I know I am fat and I know I want to lose weight, I need to lose weight, but I don't want to do any of the work.

In a nut shell, I am just not happy. I am so sad with my life right now and I keep getting further down. I cry all the time. And not little cries but full blown melt downs. I have done it in front of the kids a few times but I try to keep it to my self. I will take a shower and sit on the tub floor and just bawl.

What the heck is wrong with me? One good way to explain how I am feeling is " I want to go home" I know it prolly makes no sense but that's how I feel, I just want to go home. I have no idea what that means but that's what I am yearning for. I want to go home.

I know I need help but help cost money and well I have a problem with money. I wuold rather spend money on "things". I want to see what I buy. Even if it's food or diapers, I can see what I spent money on. That's why bills and doctors suck. I can't see. It's just money wasted.

I am taking anti depressants but really don't think it's working. I have been on it for a month, so I do need to give it a little longer, but come on, I have taken sooooo many drugs, I am not sure a Celexa is going to fix this. I was on Lithium, Depekote and Serequel and I still wasn't better. And those are hard core drugs.

I have a feeling that I am going to die from this mental illness. Please don't take that wrong, but that's the truth. I may make it to 85 years old but I think in the end it's going to be this crazy head of mine that kills me. It feels good to put these crazy feeling out there. It feels good to let loose. To tell the truth. I haven't told the truth in so long, I'm not even sure what it is sometimes. I just keep telling my self that I'm ok even though we all know I'm not. I truly believe I have serious depression issues. I hate calling them mental health issues even though that's what I write.

I don't understand why I can help so many other people but I can't help my self. At work that's all I do. I am CRISIS INTERVENTION SPECIALIST!!! That's all I do is help people who are in crisis. And at church I work with children who parents are going through divorce. How come I can help them but I can't help myself??

I'm not sure I'll ever really post this but it was nice to write it all down.....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It has everything to do with the way I grew up and all the mental health issues that run in my family.

My childhood was 85% bad and 15% good. The good parts was all the time I spent with my grandparents. They kept me a lot when I was little, probably up until the age of 11 or 12. That's when I started hanging out with friends a lot more and heading down a horrible road.

I had sex for the first time at age 12, it was October of 1992 and it was with an 18 year old boy and it was a one night stand. Also at age 12 I had been smoking cigarettes for about 2 years, I had my first experience with alcohol. A fifth of Fire Water. Yum. I got so sick. I had alcohol poisoning. My mom bought the bottle to celebrate her graduation from her DUI classes. Right there should tell you how my child hood went.

From grades 4-7, my house was a non stop party place. My mom would have so many people over all the time. They were drinking, smoking pot and I am quite sure there was many illegal drugs involved.

I remember having to put furniture in front of my bedroom door so me and my sister could sleep safely without worrying that a stranger was going to come in the room.

When I was 11 I caught the gay man that was living with us having sex on our couch.

When I was 12 I was molested by my mothers 24 year old boyfriend. And still to this day my mother will not accept it. When I told her, I got in so much trouble. I have learned to keep my mouth shut around her.I remember when I was about 10, my mom pushing me so hard my heels made an indent in the wall.

I remember having to go to friends houses or my grandma's house just to eat. But if you ask my mom, she will tell you that we always had food on the table.

I remember stealing from the Dairy Mart because I was so hungry and my friends were sick of me eating there food and I couldn't get to my grandma's house.

I remember calling Children Services numerous times and them coming out to investigate and leaving finding nothing. If nothing, my mother is one heck of a liar. She lies so much that she actually believes her own lies.

I remember running away, the police brought me back, and about half hour later I asked my mom if I could go to a friends house and she let me. She just didn't care.

I remember was I was 7 we were having a yard sale. My dad came home in his red truck and he was drunk and he started to physically fight with my mom in the front yard while all kinds of strangers watched.

I remember the few times my dad actually came and picked us up. It was always the same bowling at Coloniel Lanes then Dairy Queen at Six Corners, then home.

I remember one of the last times I saw my dad. Christmas Eve of 1999. At Fancy Dans donut shop. My sister was working and my dad asked that we all meet him there. He showed up in dress clothes, a leather vest and really nice black cowboy looking boots. He gave us each a card with $50. After that, I saw him September 2007 while he was living at the Haven Of Rest, a local homeless shelter.

I remember is high school, sleeping with so many boys. I just wanted to feel needed. I needed to feel pretty. I needed for someone to love me and not reject me. I needed someone not to leave. But they always did. Always. And if they didn't leave, I would cheat on them because I knew they were eventually going to leave.

I remember ruining my first marriage because of trust issues. My ex husband and I never talked. We drifted apart. I prepared my self for him leaving, that he actually did. My ex was a good person. He never hit me, never got nasty with me. Granted, after I asked for a separation, he did cheat on me and get some one else pregnant. And all I thought was "see, score one for me, I knew it, I knew it, no matter what, he was probably going to leave anyways".

I am not trying to get anyone to feel sorry for me or anything like that. I have some issues that I am working through and I am a mess. A freakin mess. I thought I was doing really well then I had to see my mother this past weekend. Being in her house made me so uncomfortable. My memories came rushing back. The pain, the sadness, the regret, it all came back.

I had a crappy childhood and I have to constantly work to make my kids childhoods good. I have to break the cycle. I need to be a good mom. But you know what, I don't always know how. I find myself resorting to things my mom used to do and I find my self talking to my kids like she used to talk to me. My kids deserve better then that. I am trying, I really am. I want to be a good mom. I want to give my kids all the things that my mom and dad could not give me.

But being in that house took me 20 steps back. I have been sad and depressed since Saturday. I am angry. I am angry because she still thinks we had this wonderful childhood. She still thinks we had food on the table. She thinks I was a virgin until high school. She thinks her boyfriend was not a child molester. Sometimes I really think I hate her. Sometimes I wonder how I would feel if she died. Would I cry? Would I really care?

She barely knows my kids names. She still calls Landon "Logan" sometimes. She has only been to one birthday party for the boys. And that was Landon's first birthday. He will be 4 this year and Chase will be 3. She has been to 3 of Emma's parties but she will be 8 this year.

I feel dumb. I have tears streaming down my face as I write this. I thought I was ok. I thought I was ok. My heart hurts. I just want to be done with this. I want to be done thinking of my childhood. I want to be done being upset with my mother and father.

I don't know what I hope to get out of this post. I guess I just needed to say some things and just get it out of my head. Which is what a blog is for right?

March 2006 - found out I was pregnant again with Chase - due in early November 2006

November 2006 - can't remember exactly, but I know it was somewhere around 255lbs when I delivered

January 2007 - back down to 215lbs, still need to lose more

Now the next months are kinda crazy and I wasn't taking care of my self, so we are going to jump to ....

February 2009 - 245lbs - I know, I know - what the heck happened??

August 2nd 2009 (also my birthday and the day before I started my diet) 257lbs!!!!! What is going on here?? What happened??

So there you have it, that is the real me and I am really fat. I have no issues saying I am fat because I am.

I am currently working with someone on a nutrition plan and exercise plan. The nutrition plan is really hard because it is so much different then anything I have ever done. But I am giving it 100%. I am basically on a low carb, high protein, high healthy fat diet. According to all the paperwork I had to fill out for this plan, my body has a difficult time processing carbs.

I have lost about 10lbs but I know I could of lost more. I really struggle with overeating. I have no portion control. I eat until I want to puke. I am getting much better but I think it's going to be a process. I have to retrain my thinking. I have to retrain how I eat. I have to learn to make better choices. I have to learn that I am getting older and I need to be thinking more about my health. I have to think about my children and what I am teaching them.

I am going to do this. I am going to lose weight and I am going to become healthy again. I am going to exercise more and maybe even one day I might start running again. I AM GOING TO DO THIS

So here are my goals:

Ultimate goal is 170 lbs (going to take a while to get there)

In the mean time, I have short term goals. I am looking to lose 30lbs. That will put me at 227lbs.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I can't believe I am already planning our beach vacation for next summer. See, we go to the beach every other year. It's just too expensive for us to do it every year. And actually the last time we went was June 2007, so it'll be 3 years before we get back.

That kinda makes me sad. Three years since I have seen the beach. I see a big problem with that.

And I know we are very fortunate enough to be going on vacation at our age with 3 kids. Growing up we never went anywhere and if I did it was with my grandparents and it was to Maryland or Chicago to see family. I have many friends who are unable to go on vacation. So I do feel very blessed to be able to go.

Matt and I plan for it all year, starting January 1st. We decided to have the tax man with hold more taxes every pay so we can get a HUGE tax refund every year. And yeah yeah yeah I know all about us giving our money to the government and blah blah blah, but it works for us. We are able to buy MANY things with our tax return.

This year we already have a huge list including: trip to Virginia Beach, replace big bay window, new back yard wooden fence, 30th birthday party (think 80's prom/wedding reception) and about 5 other misc household repairs. So you can see that we get back a pretty hefty amount if we can buy all this and still have money leftover for fun stuff too!! I am already doing the tax return count down!

Well, enough about all that. I just thought it was fun that I was planning next years beach vacation.

And now for your viewing pleasure, here are a bunch of random pics from the last few weeks of my lovely summer. (Idlewild pictures and post are coming soon!!)

Here we are on the turnpike, it was soooo much fun!!

I made her try it on as soon as we got home from picking it up. I am such a nut case!

Chase running away from the fountains, he is deathly afraid of water, poor kid...

Landon getting soaked!! He had alot of fun

Well folks, until next time. (I really have to get better about this whole blogging thing. I'm still new and sometimes the computer sucks and I can't figure out things but I'm learning, just bear with me)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Daughter Emma: oh, I know, I know! They come from China! Everything comes from China"

This coming from the mouth of a 7 year old. I just kinda sat there in the car and snickered. I then went on to tell Emma and Melody about all the things that are made here in the US. Emma of course then asked "well, then why does all my stuff say made in china?"

At this point I have no idea what to say. I found myself feeling very stupid at this point. So I did what any good mom does..... change the subject.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

As soon as the server walks away from taking our drink order, Landon looks at me and LOUDLY says,

"Chase smells like dog shit!"

People from a three table radius stare at us and give us that look, you know the "what kinda parents are you?" look.

Let me back track for a second. A few days before that I was changing Chase's diaper and I said something like "whoa, Chasey, you smell like dog shit, umm, I mean crap" That's it, that's all I said.

So what did Matt and I do??? Laughed. We laughed so hard that I had to get up and go to the bathroom before I peed my pants. I just couldn't even believe he said that.

And since hardly anyone knows me or my family, my boys, Chase, who is 2 1/2 and Landon, who's 3 1/2, can speak VERY well. The doctor is always impressed and so is just about anyone who meets them. They are just natural born talkers. So with that being said, there is no way to even try and mask what they say.

Ok, so back to the story. I get back from the potty and we are chillin, you know, coloring on the placemats and Landon begins to speak again. This time he says.

"Mommy, does your boob still hurt?"

Again, pretty loud. Loud enough for people to stare, AGAIN.

Back story on that one..... I had an infected cyst in my boob and it was really painful and we all know how kids LOVE to elbow you in the boob (or groin, if your a man) any chance these possibly get.

So yeah, maybe I should start watching my mouth more. I don't think it's right that I could write a 4 page blog on all the inappropriate things my kids have said. I just have a potty mouth and my hubby has learned from hearing me, so now he has a crappy mouth too.

OK, just one more, just because I just remembered this....

When talking to the hubby, I'll sometimes say something like "Chase took a big shit today" or can you go change the shitty trashcan cause the boys decided to shit a lot". So Landon began saying the work "shit" a lot and he was using is correctly. After a few days of correcting him, he says

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I just wanted to let everyone know that for the past 3 hours I have been at work I have been peeling the sun burned skin that I got on Monday July 27th from spending 3 little hours at the pool..........off my boob.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Man, this blog of mine is turning into quite the downer. I just seem to have some bad luck this month. Before I tell you the Jeep story let me just say that we have opened up a new checking account, we have received our new debit cards and check book, a friend of mine bought me new DVD players for the kids since we were road tripping it for a few days and I might die without them, we got print outs of our social security numbers and mine and Matt's cards are ordered, I got my new drivers license and the homeowners claim for the ring and everything else is going pretty smooth right now. Just waiting for them to get a copy of the police report and then it's pretty much done and they can cut me a check so I can go and get my new ring.

There, with that out of the way I can tell you my Jeep story. And you know since I love detail, this may be on the longer side. And I will point out that after this post I am really going to try and have more upbeat posts, I mean, come on, something good is bound to happen to me one of these days.

So Tuesday was our big day. We were taking a 2 1/2 hour road trip to PA to go to Idlewild!!!! We got all packed and left the house around 3pm. About oh, I don't know, 1 hour and 45 minutes in the trip, the Jeep (that we just bought in February, used of course) overheated, we pulled off the turnpike and everything was dry. My husband always has a thing of water in the car so he poured it in, well, I guess that wasn't enough. We resorted to pouring about 10 or so bottles of water in too. So there went all my water for the trip :(

After it cooled down, we took off!! About a mile after we left, it over heated again. I tried driving a little bit cause hubby was trying to get in to stop by playing with the heater and such but it started to shake so bad that I got really scared and pulled off the side of the road. Hubby got out, popped the hood and NOTHING!! Not a drop of coolant or water anywhere. Hubby, who is just plain awesome with cars and really knows his stuff, informed me that we were screwed. After tinkering with it for a few minutes, he gets in the car and again tells me we are screwed. And of course I ask why and he responds "it's dead". Apparently the engine has a cracked block.

So we kinda sit there for like 10 minutes just trying to figure out what to do. We are on the turnpike, right before a construction zone, no air, no nothing. We are 95 miles from home and 35 miles from the hotel...... What to do???

So we call *11, which is like the PA turnpike assistance peeps and they tell us they are sending a tow truck. And at this point we have no idea where we are even going to go. Oh, I should mention we called the tow truck at 5:25pm.

So tow truck dude shows up at 6:35, we convince him to take the Jeep to our hotel and he tells us it's $75 to hook it up and $3.50 per mile, so again we are screwed but we tell him to do it anyways - which btw, ends up costing us $170.00!!!!

So Matt rides with the tow truck guy and the kids and I have to ride with the PA turnpike First Responders people. Now here's the fun part. These First Responders are only allowed to work certain legs of the turnpike. So we get in the truck with the first guy and he tells me that he can only take me as far as the next rest stop which is like 4 miles and then another Responder will pick us up there. So whatever, that's fine.

We get to the rest stop at 7pm. And AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER the other Responder shows up. At this point my hubby is already at the hotel, the kids are about ready to kill each other, I am about ready to kill the kids and the new responder tells me the farthest he can take me is the McDonald's right off the exit!!! SOOOOOO, that still leaves me about 12 miles away from our hotel. But he was nice and told me "at least is the Big Mac museum" WTF!!! Like I really care if it's the Big Mac Museum, I hate Big Macs!!

So then I tell him, that was alright, I will just call a cab to come pick up me and my children and have them take us to the hotel. At this point he informs me that Greensburg, PA HAS NO TAXIS!!!

I am soooooo upset at this point (I think I had like 7-8 breakdowns by this point) I called my hubby all frantic cause I didn't know what else to do. I told him to run to the front desk and ask them for help.

Ask and you shall receive.

The hotel has a shuttle. They are only supposed to go in a 3 mile radius but they came all the way out and picked us up. I am eternally grateful.

So blah blah blah, we get to the hotel about 9:45, the kids run wild, we eat, get the kids ready for bed and all that fun stuff. Then it's time to talk about the Jeep.

I won't bore you with all the small details but we pretty much decided to rent a small U Haul truck then rent a towing trailer. It was about $200 for a one way trip. We priced it out and the tow company wanted about $650 to tow it back and Penske was $899 just for the truck to rent one way - INSANE!!!! So I hopped on line and booked everything.

Through all this we had family calling is out the wazoo cause I am dumb and posted a status update on Facebook even before I called anyone and told them what was going on. Cause at that point I just wanted to veg on the computer and I really didn't wanna have to explain everything cause I was already a wreck.

So again, long story short, it was decided that my sister in law, Samantha, (hubby's brothers wife) her dad was going to bring his big truck (cause it can fit all of us), then hook the towing trailer to that and tow us home. And that only cost us $100. And that's exactly what happened. He came Thursday morning, they got the Jeep all squared away on the trailer thing and we loaded the kids up and took off. We made it home in one piece, the STUPID JEEP is sitting in the drive dead as a door nail and I keep have anxiety attacks.

Cause you know we don't have the funds to fix it and we don't have the funds for a new car. I am using my grandma's 02 Buick LaSabre right now and it's amazing, but that's only temporary.

And as far as our vacation went We didn't go to Idlewild on Wednesday as planned, but good news is that it rained ALL DAY Wednesday, so we would of been rained out anyways. We went to Eat N Park for lunch then to CVS (cause we could walk there), then lots o swimming in the hotel. We had the shuttle take us to the mall where we walked around then we found the best place ever..... CHUCK E CHEESE. As crappy as hubby and I were feeling, we had to think about the kids, and this is one of their favorite places and of course they had a blast.

I just keep telling Emma, when they ask you on your first day of school "what did you do on summer vacation?", please don't tell them the truck broke down and we got stuck on the turnpike for 5 hours then we went to Eat N Park.......

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Yep that's right everything is gone. Someone stole pretty much everything I own from my car. And please please please do not say "I told you so" when you find out I left my purse in the car, please!!

So Thursday night I get home from work and my awesome sister in law, Samantha, has taken ALL my kids to VBS and hubby is still at work. So I run out of the car leaving everything in it except my keys and cell.

So when hubby gets home we chat, then the SIL brings the kiddos back and we talk, then we have to do baths and night time stuff and just the typical end of day busy things and then off to bed I go.

So I have to be to work at 9am and at 935am I am finally walking out the door. I reach over to get something off the ledge of the porch and I can see into my car and my work notebook is laying on the passenger seat and I think to my self "why is that there? I didn't get into that last night" THEN I went to the car, opened the door, sat down looked over, and all I said was "SHIT". I get outta the car and go inside and calmly tell the babysitter someone broke in my car and stole my purse. I grab the phone book and call the non emergency police number. While I am waiting for them I call the bank to alert them that my debit card, checkbook, drivers license and all of out social security cards (yes, mine, hubby's and all 3 kids!! I had just been somewhere where they needed them and forgot to put them back in the house, remember don't yell at me, I have heard it enough the past 3 days). It's all GONE. I idiots actually went through the wallet taking things out like health insurance cards and store savings cards and threw them on the floor.So mister nice policeman came and took my info and by then I was seriously late for work. So about 1015, I am finally in the car on the way to work. I pull into the gas station to get my morning cup o coffee and quickly realize you need money to pay for that sorta thing. So I was upset and decided to call a friend. As I was talking and driving (here's the good part), I looked at my ring finger and realized I forgot my wedding ring ($3000) and here's the kicker, it was inside my purse!!! Okay before I get hit with how stupid I am, let me explain. The evening before I was at work at the shelter and we don't have air conditioning. When it gets really hot sometimes my hands swell and well I'm not the skinniest person and my ring is kinda tight anyways and it was really starting too hurt so I took my wedding ring off and locked it up in the cabinet in my purse.

So at this moment I am talking on the phone, realized my ring was also stolen and went completely nuts IN MY CAR. A normal person would of pulled over but nope I kept on trucking.

After I got to work and calmed down, I called the insurance co and made a homeowners claim for it.

THEN, I went back out to the car to try and clean up some of the mess (yeah I got a pretty cool job like that). And that's when I realized they had also stolen my kids portable dual DVD player. Even though the cop asked me like 5 times and said "No officer, there is nothing else". So now I have to call them back and add a $3000 wedding ring and DVD players to the items stolen. He is seriously going to think I am full of shit.

So most of the day was spent at the bank opening new accounts, getting all the old stuff shut down (oh, and I ended up leaving at 1pm and taking some personal time) and running to Matt's work to give him the new direct deposit info. So I spent a good portion of the day running here and there and talking to 800 people on the phone.

THEN, it was finally night time, I went to go take my medicine and GUESS WHAT??? It was also in my purse. They took my antibiotic, Ultram and my IBS meds!!! So now on Monday, I have even more phone calls to make. I have to find out how to get all my meds replaced without having to pay full price for them.

And on the first day of my vacation we ALL have to go down to the Social Security building and get print outs of our numbers and reorder ALL our stupid cards, then I have to go down and get a new drivers license.

And pray to God that my new debit cards and stuff come before we actually leave for vacation, cause if not I am pretty much screwed.

So here's the weird part, I am more upset because these stupid people stole my kids DVD player then the wedding ring. I am absolutely fuming that they stole from my kids. Mess with me, that's fine, but don't you EVER mess with my kids. So now I am hoping to have my homeowners claim settled by July 27th, so I have enough time to go out and buy them another DVD player.

And on top of all this I am really depressed. I can't pull myself together. I have been crying all weekend, moping all weekend and I didn't even want to do anything all weekend.

I hope that's going to go away soon after everything gets back to normal.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hi Jim, Since I don't know your email address this is the only way to contact you. I think you are the biggest piece of crap on earth. You call your self a Christian but you are nothing more then an abusive man. Don't you think I see this day in and day out. You are controlling of everything my sister and your kids do. You force my sister to act a certain way, to dress a certain way, to talk a certain way. Let's get one thing straight, you are not the boss. YOU ARE NOT GOD. Please step down and let the real man do his job. I can't believe the position you have put my sister and your children in to. In my opinion since you don't physically beat my sister anymore, you are doing everything in your power to abuse her any other way you can. You have ruined this marriage. You have caused the pain and hurt. And yes I know that Amy is not innocent by far but you CAN'T CONTROL EVERYTHING. Amy needs to be her own person. She needs to find out who she is. She has gone sooooo many years under your evil control and it's her time. You need to pack your things and go live with your mom. My sister needs to be in that house for the kids. The kids need a stable place to stay. And you sir are not stable, you are about one step away from joining a cult. You have unrealistic expectation's from Amy and the kids. You have made life miserable and your kids are suffering. You need to get out of that house and let my sister and the kids come back. They deserve a normal life. And if you ever threaten my sister or anyone in my family, you better pray God is on your side that day.Your Loving Sister In Law, KellyPS - And I will find a way to help my sister in any way I can, so you can expect more of this to come.So after almost 10 years of marriage my sister finally got the courage to stand up for herself and he is beating her down any way he can besides physically. I am getting so frustrated at this whole situation and maybe I shouldn't of written that email (which was left as a comment on his blog) and oh well. Some one needs to say these things to him, I was going to say a heck of alot more, but I could feel my blood pressure rising and felt that I needed to stop writing, cause I was about to say something very inapporiate.

Well, I have to get going back to work. I just had to vent for awhile. I may need to come back later!!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

OK, so I know that I promised these like forever ago, but come on, you know how it is. I have been so busy with work and home and parties and life. We had an awesome 4th of July (I'll blog about that another day, maybe)

FYI - I took a new position at work - YEAH!! I am now going to be working Monday - Friday midnight to 8am. And yes I have thought about all the pros and cons. And I really think it's going to work. And it will save me 200 miles a week in gas cause the position is in the Akron shelter, which is 2.3 miles from my house!! (Right now I drive to Medina 4 days a week at 50 miles round trip). So that's my good news and now on to the good stuff.....

And here is my new scrapbbok station!! I am so excited cause I have shelves and a desk and a ton of other storage!!

And we can't forget my purse rack. I am not sure how many are actaully on there. And it may not seem like alot, but there are a ton underneath the bigger ones and let's not forget the ones in the back.