life

It’s been a year since the last time I was here. I miss the feeling. I miss showing that other side of me.

I’ve been away following a dream, trying to make things as best as I could. That’s why I miss this place, this place where I’m not afraid to fail or fall.

I may not have gone to a faraway place, but I feel I’ve been to the deepest core of every human existence. This may sound weird, but yes, for more than a year, I’ve exposed myself to the ideas of what makes us who we are, why we do what we do.

Of course, I don’t have all the answers to all my questions because I feel I have only touched the tip of my beingness. But it’s enough to make me understand more of myself and more of others.

How liberating it is to allow others to lead us to take a peek of their perspective, of how they see things much differently from us. The greatest lesson I learn is, there’s no us versus them, there’s only we.

I thought I would stay there for long, but after learning some of the necessary lessons, I have to move on to another path. It’s what I feel I’m called to do. I also learned, discovering our passion can’t always be done in one step. We need to follow a series of steps before we’re finally ready to do that mission we’re called to do.

For this, I’m allowing the waters to take away what no longer serves me and to prepare me with a refreshed mind for the journey up ahead.

Some days are gloomy, others sunny. Figuratively. But be not carried away by life’s changing seasons and ebbs. They do not matter much. What matters much is your every breath, your every smile, your every tear in each of the seasons.

You’re designed to live a life so full. Universe does not say a full life is one free of pain or sorrow. To live fully is to be present whatever season your life is in. Your life’s seasons is not dependent on your environment. It’s dependent on where you are in your state of life. Whether you are in spring where your life is just budding; in summer where your days are longer and you think only of relaxation and fun; in fall where you’ve matured much and let go of excess baggage in your life; in winter where everything around is cold, like people and relationships, and all you want to do is embrace yourself tight and stay indoors than be outdoors.

Being present in all these seasons with all that you are makes the journey easier, lighter, and real. Be done with illusions. Throw away expectations. Be an avid fan of life. Be bold. Be brave. Be you. Live.

Life is beautiful. But, I don’t know why. I’m sure it is. It’s beautiful way, way beyond what I feel, or think, or see. Only that I couldn’t point out why it is so. I couldn’t explain further.

Have you had any experience like this? You’re given a beautiful idea but you’re not given anything to back it up. Well, let me be bold enough to let it be. In the art of writing, I guess, we don’t have to digest everything. We only have to express something that’s boiling inside to get out. This is an example of it in its rawness. And simplicity. No complications.

I might sound inconsistent but I allow inconsistency to happen through me. At least I know, I am consistent in my inconsistencies. Let’s start a revolution of expression. Let’s just BE…

When I quit my job January of this year, I felt I was being done an injustice. And many sympathized with how I felt. According to our labor laws when an employee voluntarily resigns from his/her job, the employer is not obliged to give him/her a separation pay other than when it is already the custom of the company.

In my case, those who resigned before me in the same company were given a separation pay. Thus, I presumed I would also receive the same. Unfortunately, I received none other than what was solely required by law.

Most of my co-employees encouraged me to bring the matter to the labor authority. They believed which I also believed that my previous employer’s reason was personal. I ruminate this thought for quite a while, since I know if I would do so it would require much effort, time and ultimately, emotions.

However, after a month of hibernation and soul searching I was lucky enough to see things in a different perspective. You know, the high that you get when at times you are able to meditate while doing the mundane. And when you look at things a little farther you catch a glimpse of the bigger picture. The catch was I realized there was never an injustice done unto me. It is just that other people failed to grab the opportunity of sharing themselves with others and seeing the values of the people around them. They believed that people would be robbed of their personhood when they are not given what is due to them. Because I now know better, I simply see this kind of judgment by others as an inconsistency on their part. It is that part of themselves that they have to work with. And no one is able to help them in that process other than themselves.

My spirit is now at peace. I move on with a lighter heart and a warm smile. It is my firm belief that what people denied me God would provide.

Honestly, we could not force people to do what they hate to do. If we could not change others, we could change ourselves instead. Thankfully, I have changed a little bit since then. And this journey just starts to get exciting!

Get-together

Float. A word that when heard gives you a feeling of lightness and positive vibes. As a matter of fact, I had a wonderful experience with this one just last December.

As our company’s custom, we were to have our company’s annual gathering a day prior to our Christmas party. For this year’s activities, we had a recollection in the morning and the evaluation of each branch’s performance in the afternoon.

Honestly, I never had the vaguest idea how the recollection would affect me. I thought it would be the same experience we had just like the previous years: listen to what the priest had to share, laugh at his jokes, and plainly follow where he might lead us.

However, this one was far different. I could not explain if my experience of the night before had something to do with it, or it was just a simple coincidence.

Restless

I was unable to sleep the night before. It may be because I was in a different room with four other people or maybe it was due to a feeling of overwhelm as the long preparation for our presentation contest had just been over. Yep, we just danced earlier.

Anyway, yes I was unable to sleep, so restless. I felt a tinge of emptiness inside of me. I longed for silence. Inner silence. The kind of silence where I would not hear the noise from the air-conditioning or the snoring of my roommates. Specifically, I sought God. I missed God. I wanted to talk to Him verbally. I wanted to go outside, but afraid of being misinterpreted for staying out alone in the middle of the night. I felt so helpless.

Thankfully, I fell into a deep slumber after I started calling out Jesus’s name. That was the last thing I remembered upon waking up three hours later.

Recollection

So then when we were inside the conference hall my eyelids were so heavy. The raindrops perfectly added to the sleepiness that I felt. The priest arrived. A not-so-interesting looking guy. Tall. A bit slim. Looked intelligent.

Father Ram was gentle but firm. He ordered us (not requested) to go to the comfort room or do anything that makes us comfortable for five minutes before he would begin because he does not want anyone to be roaming around when he begins.

He was direct to the point. And I loved it. I was surprised when he said he wanted us to meet God not because we were told, but meet God for the sake of meeting Him. Cool. I thought, “ah, meditation.” Just like what I used to do.

I began to get worried when Father Ram told us to close our eyes. I was afraid I might fall asleep. That would be embarrassing. His technique was guided meditation with the help of background instrumental music.

With eyes closed, I struggled to stay awake. Father Ram’s voice echoed. Gentle. Comforting. He brought us to a place we longed for. The most beautiful place we could think of. Any place where we each finds comfort. I told myself, “ah, my paradise.” I began to scroll through my memory the image of my paradise. Because I was so sleepy, I only had fragments of it. The rainbow’s colors were not vibrant. The waterfalls were foggy. The grass on my feet was not so soft. Still, I managed to stay there.

Reunited

I thought that would be the end of it. But I was caught by surprise when Father Ram urged us to welcome Jesus walking slowly towards us. The image of Him walking towards me was disturbing. My tears just fell unwantedly, when we were guided to gaze closely at his blue eyes. His loving gaze penetrated deeply into my whole being; my every bone, my tiniest cell, the darkest corners of my soul. I tried to control those tears because I did not want anybody noticed me crying. But in the silence of the room sobs began to be heard. I felt relieved for that knowledge.

So I continued to focus at the moment, at the blue eyes that gazed lovingly into my sinful soul. I felt so lost in the sea of my emotions. I let go. I could not believe that the night before I longed for Him. And a few hours later, here He was looking into my eyes, loving me, hugging me. It was so good to have Him with me once again.

A light seemed to surround me. At that moment it was only me and Jesus. His embrace melted into my flesh. I felt so light all over. I seemed to float. I wanted to spread my arms and fly. I felt like flying. I was on cloud nine, ten, eleven. Words are too weak to describe the beauty of that moment. It was just so wow!

Reality

Father Ram’s voice brought me back into reality when he told us to offer to Jesus all our pains and troubles. As to this part, I was not so dramatic. For I know, troubles are always there for our growth and learning. The only difference is: when we call on God to carry the burdens with us, life is bearable. If not, it would be a misery.

I felt Jesus telling me that He is just there no matter what. He is always there. I need only to call on Him and listen to the silence in my heart where He speaks. That was all I need.

Re-energized

When we were brought back to reality, I felt very much energized. The feeling of sleepiness was gone. I felt so fresh, so whole, so complete—the feelings I least expected.

It was years gone by when I last had my recollection. And I am so thankful for having this one at the end of the year. Until now the positive vibes I have had still lingers. With this experience fresh in my memory bucket, I know a wonderful year is waiting for me.

When I was still in college, we were told by our English instructor to compose an essay about our new year’s resolution, right on the first day of our meeting after the new year.

I never remember anything I wrote in particular. Honestly, I was never a fan of new year’s resolutions. For me, I just have to do what I must do at the moment given to me. A difference in personality perhaps. I used to be the restless butterfly, the curious cat, and the soaring bird. I do things at the spur of the moment. There was just one laid back of this attitude, though. When faced with difficulties, it was easier for me to steer the other way. In short, I chose flight over fight.

Now, it is the new year again. And I need to re-align my priorities because I am no longer alone in my path. I have my family with me on this journey. Thus, I need to adjust my choices if I were to have a happy family.

So, I come to look closely at things on how to really start 2017 that could lead me to achieve my life goals. I found the following tips helpful.

But before everything else, I must make sure that I am well-prepared to do these important things. Preparation before taking a major leap includes letting go of the things in the past year that no longer matters; being well-rested enough inside out to ensure I am very much ready to tackle the things that I need to do in this brand new year. Thus it would take for me a few days before doing the following:

Be clear. Have a clear idea of what it is you want. Whether it would be starting a health regimen or losing weight.

Know the reason behind. This is the “why” of what you do. This is the very reason why you want to do the thing you want to do. This is the reason you hold on to when you face challenges along the way.

Be specific. This is your desired end result. Here, the “how” comes into the picture. You must plan out the details on how to achieve what you want.

Be committed. Stick to the outcome. This is the hard part of it. Almost all the people have the best plan for their life. The difference lies in sticking into it. It requires much discipline to stay committed to your goals. You must be tough in pursuing the things you want.

Write it down. They say you are likely to get things done when you write it on paper. I believe so.

Track your progress. Goals that are written clearly and specifically are bound to be achieved one day at a time. Set a specific time for each step. From here, it is easier to do things one step at a time and track how far you have come.

Create accountability partners. These are your fans, your cheerleaders. They are there to cheer you up when times are tough and celebrate with you in your little achievements.

The above steps may look easy, but starting it out is enough challenge. Well, I would be applying it in my following posts since I am now into creating my own new year’s resolutions.

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Hi there! I am a learner, a searcher and a lover of everything beautiful. May you'd be inspired by my simple stories, life musings, bits of poetry, and my take on photography. I just have this petty thought that life is a never ending exploration of mundane things that lead to happiness and beyond.