Boyfriend comments on my weight.

Asked Jan 11, 2012, 06:33 AM
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7 Answers

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 3 years. Ever since being with him I have weighed around 175 lb give or take 10 lb. I've never been very slim, and I know that I am not thin. I'm 5 ft 9, so I don't look as heavy as I am. He is also 5,9 but only weighs 136 lb, so I feel like an elephant next to him anyway.

The thing I have a problem with is my boyfriend always making comments. E.g. I was singing ' I like big butts' and he says you know that's sung by a black guy, you know I don't feel the same, or he will rub my belly, or slap my thighs to see them jiggle. He'll make comments about what I eat. For example if I have some popcorn with a movie after dinner he will say 'didn't you just eat dinner?' I will often point out a pretty girl and he will say ' you know you can look like that. You know what you have to do' he will tell me I shouldn't wear certain clothes like leggings or tight shirts cause I look fat.

He tells me to exercise all the time, or constantly questions me about whether I've been exercising. He points out that my thighs touch together, and my stretch marks on my hips. He doesn't directly call me fat, but in my eyes, he may as well. Little comments like this are made almost everyday and I tell him a the time to not say anything because it hurts my feelings, so he will stop for maybe a week then start again.

I have tried to lose weight before but he will check up on me to make sure I'm exercising and eating right which frustrates me more. He says he loves me and that he is attracted to me but admits he would be more so if I lost the weight. I don't know how to get him to stop because I'm getting to the point where I don't want him to touch me because I'm so self conscious.

P.S. He had never had a problem with my appearance until the honeymoon period kind of phased out. I also rarely receive compliments without severely hinting or asking for one.

You have to start being honest and if his behavior hurts yourself esteem, or makes you insecure, then you have to tell him, straight up, to stop it or leave, and be prepared to take the actions you state.

If your fear of losing him is greater than your disgust at his behavior/words, then you put yourself in a bad position of allowing his behavior, and you will surely get more of it.

You are right, the honeymoon is over, and the reality of maintaining a healthy relationship is upfront and center, so you must both learn how to treat each other, and communicate honestly.

You both have to set the boundaries of good behavior between you, so start talking, or somebody get to stepping. Takes time and some hard work from you both.

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We'd like to understand what you find wrong with talaniman's answer:

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Talk to him about how his actions/comments are making you feel. If he loves you he will be able to understand where you are coming from, if he doesn't then you are dealing with an . So either you can take it, or you cannot. If you cannot maybe you should look for someone who doesn't care about your physical appearance so much, to allow someone to make you feel self conscious is your mistake though... might have some self esteem issues.

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We'd like to understand what you find wrong with mmresd's answer:

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I would tell him to take a hike!
A fool knows when what he says and does is hurtful. He wants to manipulate you into being what he wants. That or he's ignorant. Tell him to stop and take you are you are or get to stepping.
Don't let this boob tear you down.

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We'd like to understand what you find wrong with Homegirl 50's answer:

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As the others have said, speak to him again about it. Find a time when you can sit down, uninterrupted, and really talk it out.

Since you have tried to lose weight before, is that something you would like to do now... for yourself? If so, discuss how he can better help you with that goal. Get him to workout with you and change any of his eating habits as well. He may not need to lose weight, but if he isn't exercising on a regular basis or eating pretty healthy food choices most of the time, he isn't in as good of shape as he could be himself from a health standpoint at least and most likely from a cardio standpoint.

He may think he is being helpful with his comments, and seeing them as trying to be encouraging, especially if you have tried losing some weight before. If that is the case, he needs a better way of being supportive. Once again, you would have to tell him what would be helpful and what isn't.

If you are happy with how you look as you are, then he needs to know that. If he simply won't back off on the remarks, and treat you the way you want, then you may have to make some difficult decisions about where the relationship is going.

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We'd like to understand what you find wrong with DoulaLC's answer:

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my boyfriend does the same thing he meant me at 190lbs I got up to 230lbs being with him n feeling comfortable then on my own I decided I wanted to change he never complained then I got down to 150lbs and felt n looked great but I got pregnant and bad habits die hard I GAINED 88LBS! Well my daughter is now 3 months old and I have lost about 55lbs granted she was c section so for the first month I could not do much. WEELLLLLL even with results in my weight loss he comments every time I'm eating and always says well this is hard for me to see you like this you were looking so good blah blah blah! He constantly points out my flaws like my hips r big I have smaller top half and he goes well your just big down below Jas, and my heart breaks everyday because I am trying so hard! N he will just give me a look of disgust and he never is intimate with me anymore =/ if I get one little pimple he goes ew Jas n points it out as if I did not know it was there! I never get told I'm pretty or anything and ill tell you I'm a very pretty girl big or small I have a very pretty face! BUT all the things he says truly brings me down even when I try to show confidence he doesn't let me he says he is trying to help me to work harder but it is deff not and I tell him about how he makes me feel but he just gets mad and we start arguing =/

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We'd like to understand what you find wrong with Foreverurs519's answer:

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Well he certainly needs to change his behaviour, I would suggest that a higher self esteem is more likely to generate positive results with weight loss, than low self esteem. And you will feel happier when you've lose weight, I suspect, in the relationship knowing your partner is supportive when you gain it.

We are all, typically, more attractive (and generally healthier) the closer we are too our ideal weight. And being attractive to our partner is important in our relationship. I don't think there is anything wrong with conveying this to a partner, but, naturally, it has to be done in the right and supportive way and not on a daily basis. If both parties are in disagreement then there needs to be a resolution in some sense or it will continue to undermine the relationship, and the person.

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