Sunday, April 12, 2015

Grieving for My Beautiful Jamaica

I've always called her Beautiful Jamaica. I've already forgotten when she was born but I do believe she is already 6 years old when we saw her dead this morning of April 12, 2015. I was still sleeping when my daughter, Keith, rushed to me to deliver the sad news --- my dear Jamaica died outside the gate of our home.

I was really devastated when I saw her dead. Her nails were entrenched on the bottom of our wooden wall, a sign that she held on tight to it when she's dealing with the pain.

She gave birth to 2 cuties at the dawn of February 4, 2015. I even witnessed how she delivered her babies, and together with my kids, I helped her secure them. Prior to that, she gave birth 3 times but none of her babies survived. I do not know why. I do believe most of them were born premature. Fortunately, the most recent 2 kittens she brought to this world survived. We did everything we could to make them live in spite of the challenges. I also saw her equal efforts in taking good care of them.

Jamaica is not that good when it comes to handling her past babies, and that is probably one of the reasons why they didn't survive. But this time, I felt that she listened to my request when I told her 2 months ago, "Take care of your kids now. I want them to live because I love them very much."

Jamaica, I can say, is my most rebellious cat. There was a time that she stopped coming home for many, many months; although I see her everyday with the other neighborhood cats. It breaks my heart to see my own cat choosing to live like a vagabond. She rejected the good life that I can offer. That could be because she felt so bad when I drove her away from my computer 5 years ago. I felt so annoyed then because I was doing work on my PC and she kept on jumping in front of it to grab my attention. I really regretted doing that because the next day, she never went home anymore.

But after a few years, I was glad to see her joining my other cats in lunch and dinner again. I also couldn't express my happiness when I saw her sleeping again inside our house. Atlas! She is back home. I enjoyed a few more years with her after that.

Making amends with Jamaica was never easy. It took time before she started feeling comfortable with me again. It took time before I can hug her lovingly again because even if she's back home, she's trying to avoid me most of the time. Days before she died, I will always find time to caress her. She openly welcomes it and reciprocates.

I had planned to bring her to the veterinarian because of her unusual big tummy. I want to think it's natural because she gave birth just this February; but now that it is April, it is so unusual that it didn't even decrease. Due to my busy schedule, I forgot about bringing her to the vet. And that is another mistake that I will again regret for the rest of my life.

My Beautiful Jamaica never showed me any sign of suffering. That is why I was surprised that she died that fast. My mother said it was only in the night of April 11, the night before we found her dead in the morning of April 12, that she noticed she was so weak and her head is almost falling as she eats her dinner. But my mom only told me about that after we found her dead outside the house. What has ever kept me so busy that Saturday night that I wasn't even able to check on her? Perhaps, she intentionally hid herself from me so I won't see her suffering.

I was so saddened and I couldn't express my grief. Whenever one of my pets die, a part of me dies with them.

I only have a very few pictures of her. Being the beautiful, rebellious, self-sufficient cat that I've

ever had, she chose to die in silence...not bothering me in anyway.

I will miss you, My Beautiful Jamaica. Thank you very much for leaving me 2 angels, Strong and Sweet. They will always remind me of you.

2 comments:

It is really hard dealing with death more so of a loved one. I am also into rescuing street cats and neglected dogs which I can no longer account how many cats and kittens that I was able to share my life with. My eldest cat Taba is still very healthy, he is 16 years now while others are just kittens. I just lost 2 of my oldest dog this year , the oldest at 17 years old and she had a brutal death then followed by my rescued mini pin which got so sick and died. Last night I lost a newly found kitten and the cycle of life and death among my constant companions has really affected me mentally and emotionally. But I have to be strong since there are many who depend on me. Just carry on Ms. Jade and believe me this too shall pass....Macy