January 10, 2007 (thing)

We have not had sex in three months. That might not seem like very long, but we used to do it all the time.

This is not her fault, it's mine. I just can't get into it as much as I used to. I don't understand my own body. She thinks it is her fault. She keeps saying that maybe if she lost some weight or gained some weight, or maybe if she found the right negligee. It doesn't matter. I mean, I want to, I want to please her, and I want to please myself. She's always trying to, you know, stimulate me, she does little shows even. She uses her hands, but it doesn't work, and it just makes her cry. For a while I went with her to all the sex shops. We bought some porn to watch together, but it just made her nauseous, and it didn't turn me on.

She is so much more beautiful than other women.

I finally went to my doctor and she gave me these pills. It seemed great at first, but I was so ready, and getting all into it, but Dolly wasn't really... She didn't ask me to stop, but I could tell she was feeling lonely, like we weren't together. This wasn't what she wanted.

I think it hurt her more than she will tell me. She doesn't want me to use the pills anymore. I even said I'd try just a half of one, but she said "No, not with me."

She thinks maybe if I change my diet, exercise more, that would help. I don't know.

She tried to give me a blow job the other day. She hates doing them, but bless her, she was trying. I just hung there. A fucking failure.