The Great Twinkie Depression of 2012 – Mousebreath Magazine

It might be a good thing I didn’t get any questions this week. I’ve been in mourning ever since I heard the news that Hostess is going out of business, and with it goes my beloved Twinkies.

This is the last time I had a taste of one, and it was over a year ago:

If I had known it would be my last taste, I would have demanded more than one bite, and I would have made sure to commit it to memory, so that it would be there riding on my brain waves where I could sit back, close my eyes, and remember how it tasted.

And man, along with no more Twinkies…do more Ding Dongs (other than the ones I live with) and no more tiny little donuts that were easy to knock out of the Woman’s hand onto the floor, where I would get a couple of really good bites before she could launch her massive asterisk out of her chair to take it away from me.

I wanted to ask the Woman to go to the store this weekend and get me one last box, but she’s been all sickly and just sits here in the living room coughing and sneezing…and beside, by the time I heard about it the store shelves were picked clean and the only place to get a Twinkie is on eBay, and people are selling them for like $200 a box!

This is so depressing. How can the world survive without Twinkies?

Thanksgiving is this week, but doods, I dunno. I’m not sure I have much to be thankful about now. Except maybe crunchy treats. And real live fresh dead foods. And cheese, I like cheese. But man, no more Twinkies…

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude … and opinions … on everything. He’s a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog “The Psychokitty Speaks Out” in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, “The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,” its sequel “The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,” and “The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats.”

Max I have a qweschun. Thare’s this stoopid cat in our house (I won’t name names but his name rimes with Stripper) hoo duz NOT BERRY HIS KRAP! It makes me so mad I just have to go and PEE ON SUMTHING!!!!! I follow the kerrekt protokoll fur crap berrying, using the geograffy method: 1) Dig to China, then 2) Bild Mownt Evrest. He just kraps and runs. And his krap is so stinky it makes me wunt to vomit everyware, so I do.

So my qweschun is whuts yer address so I can send him to live with you?

Max – Dude – Yous and other Twinkie and Wonder Bread lovers in the U.S. can still head north of the border to stock up on the baked goods! They is still up here! And – If yous pays me double, me will ship them too yous! Kisses Nellie

Mr Max, I gotta nother question. The mom is making complaigning noises about the wet floor upstairs. She says she is tired of mopping up all the water from the water bowl. I only learned how to dump it over day befor yesterday. Its 95 kinds of fun! Makes a BIG splash and a clang and then squishies in the rug. But she went and put the bowl ina box an I can only rock it back an forth an make waves in it an splash wid my paws. How do I get her to put it back like it was? An refill it more often too? Sinckerdoodle

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mousebreath! is an online lifestyle magazine for cats, kittens and cat owners. Written primarily from a cat-eye perspective, mousebreath! offers product reviews, giveaways, video tutorials, technical blogging help, interviews, the latest in cat architecture, cat humor and cat news.
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