Stupid Louisville Robbed Adorable 10-Year-Old of Perfect Bracket

Yesterday evening troupes of athletes from two American universities competed in a round of basketball against one another. The victor: Louisville (the gentlemen in the white T-shirts). Their vanquished foe: Michigan (the young men in a most unflattering Aureolin).

The New York Times not only watched the N.C.A.A. championship but paid enough attention to subsequently describe the events therein: “Louisville pulled from many elements, from its press and its pressure, from its outside marksmanship and its balanced scoring. The Cardinals (35-5) came from behind and seized control as the second half wore on. They ultimately triumphed, 82-76, as those fans danced and waved red towels and finally exhaled.” Finally exhaled because they could all go home and watch The Colbert Report, which their boyfriends had thoughtfully remembered to tape?! Huzzah!

It was not a happy evening for everyone, though—the entire student body of Michigan, for example, and anyone whose boyfriend did not remember to tapeColbert, we guess. Most disappointed of all: one Brayden Schager, a 10-year-old Texan who would have had a perfect bracket—if Louisville were to have lost to Michigan. Per The Dallas Morning News:

The bracket was created one night over dinner. Schager called his dad, Scott, who was on vacation in Miami, and asked him for help logging in to ESPN. He filled out 10 brackets on ESPN and had another one with a group of friends.

“Some of them I was just guessing,” said Schager of his picks for his nearly perfect bracket.

He eventually settled on the Final Four of Wichita State, Syracuse, Michigan and Louisville because they all had one dominant player. . .

“I want to win because I want to go to school and tell all my friends,” Schager said. “They don’t believe me.”

But things slipped away from Michigan down the stretch. As Louisville took control of the game, Schager ran across the room. He flopped onto the couch. He hid under pillows.

Everyone must learn at some point that dramatically flopping on the couch will not hasten the pace (or, we suppose, change the outcome) of the unpleasant sporting match on television. Yesterday was Brayden’s day.