Florida Considers Eliminating Laws Altogether

TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that its current system of laws is out of step with life in today’s Florida, a growing chorus of lawmakers in the state are arguing for a measure that would eliminate laws altogether.

“Florida is rife with laws that say ‘Do this, don’t do that,’ ” said Gov. Rick Scott, a supporter of the measure. “Speaking as a Floridian, I have found it exhausting pretending to obey them.”

There is broad support in the state for abolishing laws, according to a poll commissioned by the political action committee Citizens For a Lawless Florida.

According to that poll, a majority of Floridians favor ridding the state of laws, while a sizable number did not know that the state had any.

“We’ve been trying to remove laws piecemeal for the past few decades, but this measure seems like the most efficient way to take care of the whole problem,” Gov. Scott said.

For those who fear that eradicating Florida’s laws would wreak havoc on life in the state, Gov. Scott offered this reassurance: “Honestly, I don’t think you’ll notice a difference.”