After The Fact

Why does it bother me worse now after the fact. When you are struggling to survive each day it's so much easier. If it had only been physical..but the emotional abuse was too much to bear in the end.

Now it hurts worse than ever. I am feeling it all at once. Every moment of pain. Every ounce of hurt.

Why???????????????????? Why was I not deserving of love. Why has my whole life been the way it has. When will it get better.

I am thinking this pain in my lower right abdomen..well it is coming right from where he kicked me..maybe it's my hip. He kicked me right on and above my hip. Very vivid. I remember the rubber sole of his shoe burning against my skin even through my shirt.

Oh god!!!!! How can humanity turn so evil. He did horrible things to me. Why did I think I could help him? Why didn't I listen to my intuitions?

It has ruined so many friendships. It has taken away 10 years of my life. It has taken away a child. It has taken away a part of me and replaced it with this shell shocked warrior.

It's harder to survive after the fact. The battle was a piece of cake compared to this.