HEADLINE – FAKE SPACE SHUTTLE ARRIVES IN HOUSTON

“We Texans are all-American, and America is about being the biggest and the best. Houston is proud to be the new home for the finest fake spaceship the world has ever seen,” said Track Gomper, the Houston businessman who spearheaded the city’s effort to acquire a space shuttle replica.

“No one makes fake spaceships better than we do here in America. Eat your heart out, China and Russia! We’re Number One! We’re Number One!!!” Gompers added with a hoot and a holler.

“And the fact that it took six months for our brand new fake spaceship to get her by boat is even more proof of American excellence,” said Cindy Candy, a high school dropout and part time stripper. “When they said it was too expensive to fly it here, or transport it by train or by truck, we said okay, so what’s left? And when they said we could get it here by boat for dirt cheap we said okay, let’s do it, and now its here!” Candy said.

Six months at sea have damaged the replica shuttle, but Houstonians are not discouraged.

“Salt water and sun can be very corrosive,” explained Skip Kooter, an expert on how things break. “No problem: we are gonna ship it to China for repairs,” Kooter said.

Houston was the center of the American space exploration effort from 1961 through the end of the space shuttle program.

Some people say its fake but in a couple of years an evil arch villain will launch it crammed full of his evil space henchmen and ray guns and stuff to hold the earth to ransom. And there’ll be no U.S. Space Marines in Space Shuttles to save us. That’s gonna totally suck.