MEDIATION: the act or process of mediating; especially: intervention between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation, settlement, or compromise If “Mediators are the Nurses of the Divorce World” as Nancy Fagan writes for the Huffington Post, then Nurse Mediators should be in high demand! Ms. Fagan writes that mediators are to attorneys what nurses are to doctors. [1] Her very dead-on assessment cites the logical, no fuss manner of hired attorneys determined to get what is in the best interest of their client. Lawyers are trained to fight, preferring quick, and to-the-point interactions with their clients. Mediators, on the other hand, mimic the nurse’s role. Nurses are the ones with the bedside manner who care for the patients, talk to them, and get to know them over the course of their hospital stay. In the legal world, mediators sit in the same room with two upset clients, listening to their stories. They listen to them cry, listen to them vent, listen to them mourn the end of their marriage. Mediators are the proverbial shoulder to cry on – “the husband on one shoulder and the wife on the other.” (Fagan, 2015) Some of the key differences/advantages to mediation are indicated below[2]. We can see how easily the nursing profession is compatible with these differences and advantages. Mediation Styles – styles to “fit” the couple: Evaluative – what is the case worth and how can it be settled? Facilitative – how to urge the parties to re-evaluate their positions without the mediator imposing any personal opinions Therapeutic – mediators claim authority to manage personal relationships and help partners reach mutual understanding...

Imagine yourself on a plane and the flight attendant asks for your attention to run you through the procedure of securing your emergency air mask. Think of how many times you sat passively listening but not really paying attention. “A mask will drop from a container in the airplane ceiling. The mask, which looks like a yellow plastic cup, fits over your head and mouth and the ends can be tugged to tighten the fit. Pull on the hose gently to begin the flow of oxygen.” You are instructed to put your mask on before helping anyone sitting with you. This is contrary to instinct if you are a caregiver – or a parent flying with your children. We must remember that we can’t help anyone else if we are not getting oxygen ourselves! Supply yourself with good air and you can better serve those around you!! When getting a divorce, the rules of mediation are there and they are similar to that oxygen mask procedure. To many, commencing divorce proceedings is akin to the emergency in the sky – unless we grab onto some life-saving oxygen to save ourselves, we can tumble into an eternal spiral of grief and dysfunction. This blog will outline the physical steps to avoid the spin factor – to make sure you know to put your own mask on before you start worrying about your children. Grief, anger, frustration can be all-consuming when getting a divorce – interfering with your work, your home life, your time with the...

Although each divorce mediator follows a different approach, there are six basic divorce mediation steps: 1) introductions 2) the couple’s statement of the problem(s) 3) gathering information 4) identifying the problem(s) 5) Considering all options 6) finalizing an agreement. Step 1: Introductions During the preliminary consultation, the couple and the mediator will meet in a comfortable setting (usually the mediator’s office or in a conference room) so each spouse will not feel threatened. Children will not be present. The mediator will discuss the couple’s role in this process regarding the issues as well as expressing the neutrality on this matter. A discussion about the guidelines and time frame for mediation will be held. The duration of the mediation process varies from couple to couple depending on their finances and if there are children in the marriage. Typically, mediation will require between two to five 2-hour long sessions spread over a month or two. However, this process may take longer if the couple engages other neutral third parties, such as accountants or financial planners. Step 2: Couple’s Statement of the Problem(s) The mediator will provide the opening statement followed by each spouse telling their story or stating the problem(s) in their marriage or family. In the mediator’s judgment, this statement by each spouse is an attempt to resolve the issues, rather than seek the truth. Step 3: Gathering Information The mediator will question the couple and summarize all ideas in order to establish a good rapport between the spouses. Step 4: Identifying the Problem(s) This step refers to the common goals shared between the couple. The mediator will determine which...

The pain of divorce is hard enough without the added financial and emotional upheaval of deciding child custody, dividing marital property and assigning support and asset distribution. There are many benefits of divorce mediation. The most proclaimed benefits are the cost-savings and the positive effects on children in the long run. Mediation is less expensive. Divorce mediation is generally 40% to 60% less than divorce litigation. Mediation has positive effects on children. During this period of conflict, mediation helps in providing a peaceful home when children are involved. Children witness the cooperation between both parents; only to make joint custody much easier. The couple is able to control the outcome in mediation. Each spouse has the final say of the terms of the agreement without interference from lawyers or judges. The couple receives more personal attention. The process enables the couple to work directly with the mediator on the issues and negotiations. Couples set their own time frame to resolve their issues. Couples are able to resolve their issues within a few sessions whereas they may have to wait for months to appear in court. Confidentiality exists in mediation. All documents, communications, and meetings between the mediator and both parties are confidential and privileged. More flexibility in mediation. Mediation can be arranged around a couple’s daily activities, in the evenings or on weekends. If both parties agree, mediation can even occur via an online service or a conference call. There are more opportunities for a plan suited to the needs of the family. Both parties may address specific points for effective co-parenting after the divorce. The mediator will help...