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5.01.2009

Know Thine Enemy '09: The Kansas City Royals

(A short notice--because I know you all care--rather than running out of enemies before the all-star break, "Know Thine Enemy" will denounce our foes before they play their first series at the Metrodome--rather than before our first series of the season)

Last Season: We would have been in the playoffs last year, we would have had the chance to derail the Rays championship run (and given this week's series, we totally could have done it), all we needed was for the Royals to lose...and they just wouldn't do it. That is what we call being a big fat jerkface. There is only one thing to do with big fat jerkfaces--DESTROY THEM! *40 Loathing Points*

Hollywood: There is currently a film about a prestigious team called the Kansas City Knights (Knights/Royals--Get it?). Which begs the question--why must you sell out Kansas City? Why? *18 Loathing Points*

Sidney Ponson--A few years ago we brought on Sidney Ponson to pitch, and this was a cause of much consternation for Stinky and I--I mean, how do you make fun of a Dutch knight, particularly such a portly one? Sir Sidney Eats-a-ton? Sidney Fatso-n? It's bad enough he was a bad pitcher, and a fat one, but to be a bad, fat pitcher without an easily mockable name--that's just wrong. *47 Loathing Points*

Buck O'Neil--After watching Ken Burn's Baseball Stinky can now attest to the utter greatness, the genius, the ridiculous charm of John Jordan Buck O'Neil. This is the man who smiled through everything, even being turned aside by the hall of fame, and remained, 'till his dying day--A fan of the Kansas City Royals. That's got to count for a little mojo. *-70 Loathing Points*

Their turn--Since 2006, each AL Central team has gone to the playoffs, the White Sox, Indians, Tigers and us...each team except for the Royals. We are not a dictatorship, we are all for fair play and shared glory, so, unfortunately, it's the Royals turn to represent our division--of course, they can be the wild card and we can be the division champ. *-11 Loathing Points*

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