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A Real-Life Horror Movie Monster (or Why I Never Want To Meet Valeria Lukyanova In Person)

I literally can’t find a single picture of her that doesn’t look like she wants to swallow my soul. Source: HD Wallpapers

I sincerely hope that talking about people committing acts of unrelenting stupidity doesn’t become a theme here.

So in my routine checks of Huffington Post I found this article about Valeria Lukyanova, the infamous ‘Human Barbie,’ and the more I read the more I thought to myself, “She can’t be mentally well, if not completely inhuman.”

For those who don’t know, Lukyanova is a Moldavian-Ukrainian model famous for her resemblance to a Barbie doll. In 2007, she won the Miss Diamond Crown of the World contest, a beauty contest of roughly 300 contestants with no rules forbidding plastic surgery.

Since then, many photos of Lukyanova, including several erotic photo shoots (no, I’m not showing you those, you pervs) have been circulating the internet as well as multiple videos and television appearances to dispel the rumors that her images were merely edited in Photoshop.

In addition to her admittedly unsettling appearance, she is also an avid supporter and practitioner of several pseudo-scientific practices. Despite practicing a strict vegetarian liquid diet of carrot juice and chutney, she strongly desires to live a life of breatharianism, the act of subsisting on a “cosmic micro-food” drawn from air and light.

As if that wasn’t bizarre enough, Lukyanova has also appeared in her much talked-about ‘biography’ Space Barbie, a 20 minute film detailing her dubious origins as a time-traveling spiritual guide attempting to pull the world away from negative influence.

Now, it’s entirely possible and even likely that this is all a very Lady Gaga-esque publicity scheme that Lukyanova is perpetuating. But, for the sake of understanding the worst case scenario of complete mental instability (and the sake of easy comedy), let’s look at what we have here.

This is a being with the unnatural and uncanny valley-fueled appearance of a plastic doll who, according to her, has traveled across space and time to save the world from itself and who believes that at least part of the problem with humanity is ethnic mixing and the embracing of a “family lifestyle” by having children.

That is not the description of a healthy human being; That is the description of the evil alien race in a B-grade sci-fi/horror film.

Misses Lukyanova is a truly terrifying figure whose appearance, actions, and words all hint at her being very unhealthy mentally and physically and I hope I never have to see someone like her in real life.

And seriously, let’s get that movie made. We can call it “Invasion of the Barbie Snatchers.”