i am seeking, i am striving, i am in it with all my heart. -vincent van gogh

Funny How Time Slips Away

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language, and next year’s words await another voice.”
-T.S. EliotI recently read this on the internet and got a guilty chuckle out of it: “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.” Sad, but oh-so-true.

I can’t believe I let another year slip through my bony fingers and have nothing much to show for it. I don’t think I quite aspired to the Audrey-archetype that I had high hopes of becoming in 2011. {Insert woeful, despondent, longing, regretful sigh here}. But… that’s alright, Mama! Because, as that audaciously courageous little minx Scarlett O’Hara so earnestly attested: “Tomorrow is another day!” 2012 is my “tomorrow”. And though I didn’t accomplish quite all that I hoped in 20 to the elev, I just so happened to both inadvertently and quite intentionally cross off a few more of those future memories I crossed my fingers for last March. Without further adieu, I give you…

{Be one with nature} – Keeping my promise to myself (which, perhaps, just may be the most sacred of oaths, wouldn’t you agree?), I dedicated my whole existence on Earth Day to Mother Nature. I hiked, I biked, I consumed only that which came from her good roots. How very existential do I sound right now? Ps. Stay tuned for more on existentialism when I get the time of day…

{Catch a fish} – … So the picture doesn’t capture the glory that was my triumph over that (stocked) pond, but I swear I caught one. I named it Mick because of it’s striking resemblance.

{See an orchestra, any orchestra} – Emphasis on the any. Any = The Orchestra of Southern Utah. ‘Twasn’t a spoiler of every day life like the opera was, but soul-stirring nonetheless.

{Hold a starfish} – This.was.magical. I think the thrill of it all must be rooted in my undying love for Ariel, my favorite princess. I probably won’t ever cross {Stop believing in mermaids} off my list, but whatevs.

Check out that ‘lil nugget of a starfish. I totally wanted to wear it as an earring but it’s too 90’s to just wear one.

{Publish a manuscript} – Ok so… I didn’t quite publish anything. But I did submit something to be published, and that’s a giant baby step for me. So cross yo’ fingers that 2012 will let me officially cross this one off the list… Not too shabby for little ol’ Brittles. I am going to try my darndest to cross four more off that list by the end of ’12. In the meantime, I shall not forsake my life-long W.W.A.D. avowal initiated last year, as well as adhere with all my might to the following:

1). “Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst!” -George Farquhar. George and I are probably kindred spirits. Just like last year, though, I am going to swear off swearing. From now on, obscenities for me will equate to “fiddle-dee-dee” and “son of a gun”…

2). Mark Twain said that water, when taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. Though I vehemently agree with him, and think water is the most deplorable thing taste-buds could ever encounter, I’m going to drink water like it’s laced with crack. (If water were Shirley Temples, this would be so much easier.)

3). Begin and end each day in prayer. “But behold I say unto you that ye should pray always and not faint; that ye must not perform anything unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he may consecrate thy performance, that thy performance may be for the welfare of they soul.” -2 Nephi 32:9 (Drink up some more deliciousness like this {HERE}.) Last year I memorized this scripture in hopes that it would help me pray more, but instant cognitive recall was where my devotion began and ended. So here’s to Take Two.

4). Recognize what matters most- and seek after that the most. Audrey did say, “For me, the only things of interest are those linked to the heart.” In other words, follow my heartly beatings like a map and they will lead me to the most eloquent and authentic of places.

5). “Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing she has wings.” -Victor Hugo

6). Become in love. For, “[W]hen we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” -Paulo Coelho

7). Vincent van Gogh said, “Make Christ the center of your longing.” And make Him my center, I shall.

If there is anything I learned last year, despite my miraculous accomplishment of Absolutely Nothing, it is this: our lives are as full or as empty as we want them to be. And I refuse to live anything less than a marvelous existence.

Brit- this is beautiful. You're so inspiring, lady. I wish I had your bravery. Because I'd give up on point 1, this chick can not go one day without saying or at the very least thinking of some ghastly four-lettered word. I am right there with you on points 2,3,4, 5 and 7. I guess the only one I do have down is point 6, and I'm truly blessed for that. Let me tell you, it is undoubtedly the most difficult. And it's something we must continue to work at once we do have it.

I recently read some quotes about making changes, keeping commitments (to yourself and with HF) in the Ensign that really stood out to me. President Tanner, “As we reflect on the value of resolving to do better, let us determine to discipline ourselves to carefully select the resolutions we make, to consider the purpose for making them, and finally to make commitments for keeping them and not letting any obstacle stop us. let us remind ourselves at the beginning of each day that we can keep a resolution just for that day.”

Elder Bednar, “Our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results.”

President Ezra taft benson, “We must be careful, as we seek to become more and more Christlike,, that we do not become discouraged and lose hope. Becoming Christlike is a lifetime pursuit and very often involves growth and change that is slow, almost imperceptible.”

And then this piece from the same great article, “If we are to become more like the Master, He who came “not to be ministered unto, but to minister”, we will seek His help in being of service to others day by day.”

I've come to realize just how difficult it can be to keep commitments to yourself, daily reassurance and constant motivation are so difficult to come by sometimes. But I've learned that I have to break it down in daily doses. “The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should deal just with this one day, with this one moment.” Wish I had that tattooed somewhere on me because I constantly have to remind myself of that.