Friday, June 03, 2005

Papal Infallibility & Wite Out

I have a little bottle of liquid paper in my desk drawer, but I have no idea when I’ll ever use it.

Back in the day--before computers--I would use it to cover my typos. But now that I have papal infallibility (and Microsoft Word), I have no need for it.

In fact, just having it in my desk shows that I’m capable of error. So this is obviously a problem for me. I need to secretly get rid of it without anyone knowing that I ever even had it.

What kind of upsets me is that whoever ordered it for me either wasn’t thinking about my infallibility, or was trying to make me doubt myself. Either way, it's just very upsetting.

What also bugs me is that the person didn’t just buy me the regular bottle of Wite Out, but actually got me the “extra coverage” version. As if he or she expects me to make big mistakes that require the bigger brush.

Look, I don’t need the bigger brush, okay. And I don’t need the “easy glide” version either. I’m the Pope. I’m infallible.

You know, I always used to edit the label on my bottles of Liquid Paper to say "Liquid Pope."I'm pretty sure there's a market for the genuine article, rather than my cheap knockoff version. Have your people call my people.

ok, ok, now I know your the pope here, but COME ON! Nobody but jesus christ himself is perfect. I am SURE that even you make mistakes sometimes and need to cover them up with white out. Now maybe the person who got it for you was just trying to be polite and nice to you. You may be the pope- but your still human, which means that you DO make mistakes.

What gets me is why they don't just call it Wite ON. After all, when you use it, it leaves a stark white mark on the paper that never matches the color of the paper. It isn't really Wite OUT at all. I say don't use it. It's all one big fat lie anyway.