In a stunning development, a group of Columbia University college students rushed the stage during the speech by Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, taking him and his entourage hostage.

The students, calling themselves Students for a Democratic Society in honor of the 60's radical group, have issued their demands.

"It's the spirit of '79, bro!" the leader, calling himself "Che' Anything," said. "We are demanding real, democratic reform in Iran -- free elections, the separation of church and state, real rights for the people."

Campus security immediately took charge of the situation, but were overruled by federal officials who pronounced their great concern over the matter and announced they were prepared to wait out the student radicals.

"The last thing we want here is any sort of violence or conflict," hostage negotiator Ernest Stalling said. "We're here for the long haul, and we're prepared to wait them out."

"Cool!" responded "Che Anything" upon being told about the siege. "We ain't looking for any fights, and we have enough grub and stuff to hold out for over a year. We had a scare during the planning stage, when we put a Sheryl Crowe fan in charge of buying the TP, but we caught that in time."

"They wanna wait us out? No prob. We said our piece, Iran knows what they gotta do if they want Ahmadinnerjacket back, everything's cool."

And what will happen if Iran does not yield to the new SDS demands? "Dunno, dude. Get back to us in 444 days, and we'll see."

Would've been more believable if you didn't say they were actually Columbia students. Columbia has quite a little trail over at thefire.org.

-Refused to let Jim Gilchrist speak (Minuteman founder)

-Happily invited the kidnapper-in-chief that has expressed a desire to build nukes expressly for the purpose of destroying Israel to speak (for the 2nd time, after apparently deciding it wasn't such a good idea last year - I guess now that we're more sure they're arming terrorists in Iraq that are being used to kill Americans and Iraqi civilians he's a more appealing speaker)

-Suspended the hockey club for posting flyers that used a word that is lovingly praised for its glorious expressive celebration of happy happy joy joy in the Vagina Monologues (which, without bothering to check, I'm sure is welcome on campus)

-Imposed a litmus test (thought policing/control) on graduate students in education

Damn. I read the part about people rushing the stage before reading it was satire and thought it might be true. It would've been funny to watch the liberals try to condemn it after they had defended Code Pink and the pie chuckers.

In all seriousness, I just read some Bloomberg coverage of the event, and I have to say I disagree strongly with this:

Hilowitz, a graduate of Columbia's Teacher's College who traveled two hours from Kingston, New York, to protest outside Columbia, said, while waving an Israeli flag, that freedom of speech shouldn't be afforded to ``dictators'' like Ahmadinejad.

Isn't the point of freedom of speech to extend to those views you disagree with? Actually, I, for one, am quite interested in what Ahmaadinijad has to say in front of an American audience. And let me be one step bolder. America should welcome the opportunity to host him and let him speak.

Why? So that we can see eaactly how much he's willing to spew in front of a US audience on US soil. We have freedom of speech for exactly this reason: To allow people like this to come to light so they can be seen for what they are.

Isn't the point of freedom of speech to extend to those views you disagree with?

Yes. But Columbia has a poor track record of not letting people they don't like speak freely.
Witness the way they rescinded an invitation to Gilchrist to speak again because too many of the faculty and students refused to behave.

And let me be one step bolder. America should welcome the opportunity to host him and let him speak.

And so should Iran. I await for the university of Tehran to extend an offer to Bush or his successor.

Why? So that we can see eaactly how much he's willing to spew in front of a US audience on US soil. We have freedom of speech for exactly this reason: To allow people like this to come to light so they can be seen for what they are.

And what did you gain that wasn't already known?

I listened to about 50% of his speech and the questions asked. I learned nothing that hasn't already be in the press.