St Neots’ frozen food connoisseurs were outraged today after it was revealed that some Findus lasagnes may only contain “up to 60% horse meat”.

The microwavable delights were quickly withdrawn from sale so that the allegations could be investigated.

Horse marketing board spokesman Andrew Shire said, “It is absolutely disgraceful that some of these meals did not contain pure horsemeat, or, as we are trying to get everyone to call it, lorp.”

Indeed, it is thought that a selection of the dishes, which are made for Findus by a French subcontractor, may have included as much as 40% cow meat. “It’s not on, really,” stated Eynesbury man Colin Mistrekztka, 26. “If I buy a certain type of meat, I expect it to actually be that meat. Imagine eating cow! What sort of scum do you think I am?”

Ken Faulstitch

Ken Faulstitch was born in New Jersey in 1921 and is still not dead. He remains a 31-year-old local news hack, is only available in black and white, and it still not sure whether this new-fangled internet thing will take off.