Kinah: From A Survivor Of Child Sexual Abuse

The following poem is a
contemporary kinah, lamentation, written in commemoration of Tisha b’Av,
the fast which commemorates the destruction of the Temple. The quoted
Hebrew text comes from Eicha, a text which is read on the night of Tisha
b’Av.

She weeps, yea, she weeps in the night, and
her tears are on her cheek; she has no comforter among all her lovers;
all her friends have betrayed her; they have become her enemies.

How do you see the pain of an adult still hurt
from the pain inflicted upon them as a child, and turn the other cheek
‘because it happened years ago?’

How do you see the pain of a parent begging on
behalf of their betrayed child, and say, well, we can’t believe the
testimony of a child, and there is no one else who witnessed the act?

אֵיכָה?

How?

How do you teach that we must protect children
from technology, from footballs, from images of women, yet you can’t
protect from abuse, from rape, from shame, from PTSD?

How do you pray for the third temple, when you cannot acknowledge the evil you perpetuate?

How do you wrap yourself in a tallis, bind
your tefillin, fooling yourself that your outward show of piety is worth
anything, when survivors cannot bear the pain anymore and are killing
themselves in unprecedented numbers?

How do you listen but take no action?

You are a wolf in a sheep’s clothing. You show
local authorities, the media, and critics that you care, but survivors
know who you really care about.

Like the Sicarii who wanted to maintain
absolute control over ancient Jerusalem, you stab and starve your own
people of education, help, and justice.

If
you find the churban beis hamikdash too far in the past, too abstract
to mourn, and the Holocaust seems to unrelatable to actually cry about,
or you're one of those Jews who's sick of hearing about it, maybe
consider the fact that children are being sexually abused wholesale in
Jewish communities, and nothing meaningful is being done about it.

Reflect on the fact that there are prominent rabbis and community
leaders who are actively blocking legislation that would help get the survivors justice, and bring their abusers to justice.

Reflect on the fact that while the charedi world covers up for these
crimes, the modern orthodox world enables it by smugly pretending that
it's not their problem.

Reflect upon the fact that hundreds of
Jews die yearly due to suicide or overdose because of sexual abuse, and
that the ones who don't live with PTSD, depression, eating disorders,
and self harm, among other things.

I don't want to hear anything
about how we all need to get along, about how these issues are divisive
and inappropriate for the day. Silence is what perpetuates the problem.
Silence and inaction are what's killing victims of child sexual abuse
in our community.

If you're looking for a churban to mourn to give today meaning, start there, and consider what you can do to help.

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