As is sometimes typical for Mormons on a variety of issues, I was late. I didn’t see it until a year or two ago, when it went into syndication. …I would watch the show and imagine what it would be like for them to be in a Mormon bishop’s home, which is probably considered the heart of enemy territory by some in the gay community since Proposition 8. There was something about the spirit of these men that seemed to break barriers of orientation, politics, and even religion. Perhaps like every other fan, I considered them to be more familiar than reality would dictate. Then something that Carson said in his cheeky manner struck me like a thunderbolt. He said, “We are very pro traditional marriage.” Those words echoed in my mind for months and months. It seemed to disrupt and challenge a deeply held belief that the traditional family was under attack by a so called “gay agenda.”

That belief was dismantled at that moment and I realized that these good men had no desire to hurt me, my marriage, or my family. On the contrary, if they were in my home, I could only see them supporting me, my traditional marriage, and my family.

At some point, Kloosterman began familiarizing himself with LGBT issues, where he found himself “quite frankly embarrassed at how little I knew or understood. When I heard last summer of three separate violent attacks on gay men in Utah, I could no longer shake my head and say “how awful.” I could no longer be silent.” The chronology in Kloosterman’s essay isn’t exactly clear, but at some point he flew to Salt Lake City to try to engage his fellow religionists to reach out and do more for the LGBT community:

When the story broke that a sitting bishop had flown from Illinois to Utah to call for straight members to do more to reach out to LGBT individuals in and out of the church, the two major newspapers in Utah saw the talk in radically different ways, which created controversy. The reaction continued to be mixed as the story moved to talk radio. Mormons of the more conservative variety called for me to be excommunicated. There was one extremist blog even wishing “apostates could be executed” juxtaposed with my name, my wife’s name, our home address and work address for all to see as well as calling for “blood atonement,” which is primitive Mormon talk for execution.

Kloosterman filed a police report on the blog and it was taken down soon after.

Kloosterman spoke at the first “Circling the Wagons” Mormon pro-LGBT conference which took place in Salt Lake City in in 2011. You can find a video and a written transcript of that talk here. He came under fire for using the word “atrocity” to describe the experiences of gay Mormons after hearing their first-hand accounts.

Kloosterman was doing fine until he decided he needed to “reach out” to me.

Toward what end?

Kloosterman is engaged in a theology that cannot be changed. I know what that theology says about me and about plans I have for my life, and so I know that neither Kloosterman nor any Mormon has counsel for me. None.

Great. A few Mormons now see LGBT citizens in a fuller light. Sadly for them, this light works also to illuminate some real problems with their beloved theology. And worse, it shows that these are problems that can’t be fixed; not until an old man hears a voice or has a special dream can a single word of this theology be changed.

So, from there, they want to “reach out” to me, march in my parades, knit me sox and sweaters. Meanwhile, in the background, the theology goes on, unchanged and unabated. And I — and even worse, Gay Mormons — should find cheer in this?

I’d respect people like Kloosterman if they’d just acknowledge their personal situation, and then report that they’ve changed it. Kloosterman is engaged with a theology that does real evil in the world, and cannot be called off by witnesses to it. So Kloosterman must either accept it as it is, or he must leave it. There’s no honest middle ground.

And that’s the problem I have with people like Kloosterman. He’s correct to receive the insights, but he’s incorrect with what he does with them. “Reaching out” to me from his blighted, evil and unchangeable theology is a waste of truth.

I was a member of the same Mormon congregation as Kevin Kloosterman, back when both of us were graduate students and I was a closeted man, desperately trying to live the Mormon lifestyle of opposite-sex marriage and children. I always was impressed with Kevin, and found him warm and genuine.

When Kevin first spoke out on this issue, I got back in touch with him and told him of my own changed circumstances. He celebrated the fact that I was finally living authentically as the gay man I was created to be. Since that time, I’ve been impressed to watch him in action, as he’s frankly placing his membership in the Mormon church in constant jeapordy by insisting on telling the truth about his church’s handling of GLBT issues. Rather than condemning him for remaining Mormon, I celebrate the fact that he’s effectively reaching Mormon members from inside—something that most of them reflexively reject from the outside. I’m proud to consider him a friend.

One thing that I find gratifying about Kloosterman is that, on the face of it, he changed his positions as a result of his own experiences and thinking, rather than as a result of some theological epiphany that God loves homosexuals, after all, even if they actually have sex. While I may be grateful if it happens via the latter scenario, I also find it unsettling. I simply cannot feel comfortable with someone who adopts a position because they literally believe that a god has called them to do so.

Like many others in conservative religious communities, this man is trying to live by the basic tenents of all religions: to be kind, compassionate and loving toward other humans. We should celebrate his courage, because he and his family are paying a huge price to stand up for folks like me. It is one thing to risk for your own, it is a bigger deal to risk for the other.

Since I work with and live with Mormons I had to make a stand. Except for a couple of my co-workers who threw the â€œYouâ€™re not discriminated against. You (meaning me) can marry. You can marry a woman.â€ Most of my Mormon community is starting to understand just what being gay entails.

The vast majority of Mormons I know have come to question what the real â€˜threatâ€™ to marriage. Theyâ€™re finally understanding the last rung on the ladder to the institution of marriage in Mormon theology is not castigating gays.

Itâ€™s fidelity.

Itâ€™s waiting until youâ€™re older and more mature before getting married.

Itâ€™s working to love your partner through the rough times.

I say: Work on your own marriage problems before tackling the homo threat.

Some Mormons are cognizant what Prop 8 really was. It was sanctioned discrimination. Some Saints (like this Bishop) is recognizing this now. When you can point out the discrimination the LGBT community faces each day and the LDS Church was part of that, it makes some Mormons squirm in their righteous looking suits, white-shirts and ties.

But, somewhat like what Soren456 says, there really isnâ€™t going to be any shift of Mormon dogma any time soon. I donâ€™t believe in my lifetime, anyway.

So, I welcome the chance to further the understand of my plight for equality. But, Iâ€™m not any closer to sitting in an LDS Chapel any time soon.

Until Mormons start to understand Iâ€™m not broken or I need fixing or that Iâ€™m a sinner for just being who I am…Iâ€™ll appreciate no pity and just let me live my life. We will get along just fine.

In this original BTB Investigation, we unveil the tragic story of Kirk Murphy, a four-year-old boy who was treated for “cross-gender disturbance” in 1970 by a young grad student by the name of George Rekers. This story is a stark reminder that there are severe and damaging consequences when therapists try to ensure that boys will be boys.

When we first reported on three American anti-gay activists traveling to Kampala for a three-day conference, we had no idea that it would be the first report of a long string of events leading to a proposal to institute the death penalty for LGBT people. But that is exactly what happened. In this report, we review our collection of more than 500 posts to tell the story of one nation’s embrace of hatred toward gay people. This report will be updated continuously as events continue to unfold. Check here for the latest updates.

In 2005, the Southern Poverty Law Center wrote that “[Paul] Cameron’s ‘science’ echoes Nazi Germany.” What the SPLC didn”t know was Cameron doesn’t just “echo” Nazi Germany. He quoted extensively from one of the Final Solution’s architects. This puts his fascination with quarantines, mandatory tattoos, and extermination being a “plausible idea” in a whole new and deeply disturbing light.

From the Inside: Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out”

On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.

Using the same research methods employed by most anti-gay political pressure groups, we examine the statistics and the case studies that dispel many of the myths about heterosexuality. Download your copy today!

Anti-gay activists often charge that gay men and women pose a threat to children. In this report, we explore the supposed connection between homosexuality and child sexual abuse, the conclusions reached by the most knowledgeable professionals in the field, and how anti-gay activists continue to ignore their findings. This has tremendous consequences, not just for gay men and women, but more importantly for the safety of all our children.

Anti-gay activists often cite the “Dutch Study” to claim that gay unions last only about 1½ years and that the these men have an average of eight additional partners per year outside of their steady relationship. In this report, we will take you step by step into the study to see whether the claims are true.

Tony Perkins’ Family Research Council submitted an Amicus Brief to the Maryland Court of Appeals as that court prepared to consider the issue of gay marriage. We examine just one small section of that brief to reveal the junk science and fraudulent claims of the Family “Research” Council.

The FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics aren’t as complete as they ought to be, and their report for 2004 was no exception. In fact, their most recent report has quite a few glaring holes. Holes big enough for Daniel Fetty to fall through.