I want a Daddy...well. I want /my/ Daddy, 'cept he's not my Daddy anymore, is he? ...Anyway, I want that, but I do NOT want just some randomer...I can't just meet someone and call them my Daddy right off the bat. IDK I need a special, close bond...it's kind of like wanting a boyfriend for some girls I guess... You want 'a boyfriend' so badly, but obviously you KNOW just dating the first jerk on the street isn't the right thing to do...you should take time to get to know someone before committing to a relationship...and then, maybe, if you're lucky, you'll find the right guy. But still, that temptation is always there, to latch onto the first person you meet... Ugh....

Mama's always busy...the other person I consider my caretaker is great, but he's got a big little side too. I guess I miss the days when I had someone to talk to all day, someone to jump on and say 'HIIIIII DADDY!', someone who'd automatically assume that caretakery role over me. But then I wonder if any part of what I had with Corin was even real... Maybe it was all lies, and that kind of relationship is impossible. And that makes me more depressed.

My other best friend never talks to me, and I've brought it up again and again and again, and IDK, the same thing...like...we go through this never-ending cycle where I hear NOTHING from her for like days...if I happen to go into the chatroom where her and her BF hang out, SOMETIMES she'll say 'hi' to me and hug me for a moment, but mostly unless I'm the one initiating conversation. And...yanno...for obvious reasons I'm not really comfy being the one pushing conversation and being needy...I feel like she doesn't even want me around most of the time and she humours me, and it'd be best if I was quiet and left her alone before she ends up like Corin... So...I leave off for a while, and we don't talk at all...and then I get sad and say 'fuck it' and tell her how I feel, and she's like 'ZOMG no, I love you sooooo much, you're my bestest buddy, and I love you, and I want to talk to you, I'm sorry' (never adequately explains why she hasn't contacted me at all for ages, but I don't want to be a bitter bitch picking at that), and she promises to text me more...then for a couple days I get a text or two... sometimes just at night saying 'goodnight', sometimes opening to short discussions...but then those stop, too...and it starts the stupid cycle again.

Comments

I know how you feel about the not wanting to seem clingy problem, I love my friends but am so paranoid about bothering them constantly with wanting to talk about stuff that I rarely initiate a conversation in anything other than real life and even though I do have many friends I feel like I rely too heavily on the odd couple and obviously when they can't talk I feel lonely despite being surrounded. Like Peachy said you should try expanding your horizons a bit more, there are plenty of people out there capable of being a close friend and it will take time and investment before they can be seen as such. Same with the daddy issue, it's an intimate relationship but unless you find someone and work at it you'll never feel the same again.

You can't get hung up on the past and worry about how things aren't the same as they were yesterday. I went to a secondary school for 5 years and had an amazing group of friends that I loved and still do but we had no sixth form and so when it came to the end of year 11 we split up in our various directions and were rarely all together like we were. I spent the first half term of year 12 hung up on the fact that we weren't all together and I would never feel the same but eventually I made more friends and was taken up a new group that is basically the same it was in secondary school and those guys have become my close friends even after sixth form. Same at university but without the whole time wasting thing.

I'm not showing off by saying I have many friends but rather saying that it took some time and some effort to improve my mood about my friendship situation, I'm sure you remember speaking to your daddy the first time and meeting him IRL for the first time and I'm sure you didn't feel this instant connection but rather it took time for you to feel like this guy was worthy of being an intimate friend. It is still fresh for you and may hurt for a while longer but keep reminding yourself that one day things will change for the better and it may only take one email to one person for you to find someone else who is capable of filling the void you feel. If you never try you will never know, the perfect friend/daddy could be in anywhere right now but you just haven't found them yet.