Opening my eyes

Food is my frenemy. Frenemy is a friend who is really an enemy. Food I’ve put up with you long enough, and it’s time to break up. It’s okay, you never really loved me the way I loved you. And to add, we are never ever getting back together! I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with you. When I’m depressed, I try to fill a hole with you that you cannot fill. When I’m happy, I celebrate with you. When I’m bored, I just eat to pass the time. This has got to stop. And I’m not eating the most horrible things- I’m eating too much. I’ve been eating too much. I’m an emotional overeater. It’s a compulsive behavior, I know why I eat, and I know it’s bad. But I’m so ready for a change.

I fell a few weeks ago on my knee. And I really hurt myself- and I’m thinking trying to figure out why my knee popped and why it hurt so bad- and I can’t think of anything other than my weight. I tried to catch myself and with all my weight on my knee- it hyperextended and popped. I heard it and felt it. And my bones can’t support my weight. Needless to say, it was an eyeopener.

I watched this last season of The Biggest Loser, and I was thinking I should go on that show. Really? That was an actual thought, I considered it. Yep, I’m big enough to be on The Biggest Loser, I’m big enough to get gastric bypass. But why? Because food is my frenemy. I stepped on the scale for a Health Screening at work- and I’m 286 lbs. I wasn’t always this big, and I wasn’t always fat. Yes, I said it, I’m fat. I’ve always been curvy, but I was toned I went to the gym, I walked everywhere- but now I’m fat. I have fat in places that I’ve never had before. My life is different now, I sit in traffic for 1+ hours in the morning, I sit all day at work, I sit 1.5+ hours in traffic on the way home, then I come home and sit to “unwind” from sitting on my ass all day. Yes I’m mentally drained. But, I know (from experience) when we exercise, it’s good for our body and mind. So I need to do this for myself and so that I can keep up with my little 1 year old son. He depends on me. I don’t want to show him it’s okay to be lazy and inactive. I want to be healthy, I want to run around and chase him and play- and right now it really is hard for me. He deserves better than that. He’s gonna love me no matter what, but I want to show him how to be healthy and to make good choices. It’s easy to eat, it’s easy to sit. I know this is going to be hard, and I know this is going to be a challenge. But I’m ready. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I am a strong person. I need to fight this frenemy. Bring it on food! You are not going to control me anymore. You’re going to be my bitch!