Top Reasons You Should Belive the Recession is Over

1. Because Katie Couric says so, as told to her by the White House. (And that sweet, albeit idiotic face would never lie.)

2. Because Chris Matthews is getting an exciting chill up his leg. (And we all know what that means.)

3. Because it makes B.O. look good, feel good and gol darn it, people like him! (Smalley’s got nothing on BO for Godsakes!)

4. Because it proves George Bush is the one who fucked things up. (We all know that Dubya is the root and cause of all evil)

5. Because the Mid-Term elections are coming up in 2010. (And there has to be some reason to keep the jokers in office.)

6. Because then you can afford to keep the credit cards, the new mortgage, pay higher taxes and pretend everything is hunky-dunky. (In other words put your head back up your ass, lest you notice what’s really going on.)

7. First health care, then the Euro-dollar. (One world order, here we come!)

8. Because facing the truth would stress you out too much. (God forbid you should face reality when you can avoid it.)