Weird Science videotapes “explosive” duck erections

What better way to celebrate the impending new year than to read about …

Explosive penises and the anatomical prevention of duck rape: You may not have known this (most of the Ars staff didn't), but most birds copulate without the benefit of a penis. One of the primary exceptions to this are, of all creatures, ducks. As it turns out, male and female ducks have elaborate and rapidly evolving genitalia. There appears to be a behavioral habit driving this evolution: duck rape or, more properly, forced copulation. It seems that males tend to force themselves on females, and females have been evolving convoluted reproductive passages in order to thwart them.

The paper in question here actually capture video of the male erection process, which normally takes place inside the female: "Eversion of the 20 cm muscovy duck penis is explosive, taking an average of 0.36 s, and achieving a maximum velocity of 1.6 m s?1." But the female reproductive tract contains awkward bends and blind alleys that can apparently stop the process cold, allowing the female a degree of control over the father of her offspring, regardless of how aggressive he may be.

In the battle between bullies and victims, the ones who come out worst are... the witnesses, believe it or not. Researchers surveyed over 2,000 UK students about their experience with bullying at school, and asked additional questions about substance abuse and mental health issues. "Observing bullying at school predicted risks to mental health over and above that predicted for those students who were directly involved in bullying behavior as either a perpetrator or a victim," according to the authors. So, perhaps the kindest thing a bully could do is to turn on any innocent bystanders. (Note for the humor impaired: that is not serious advice.)

Learning to love your parasites: We tend to think of parasites as small creatures that burrow deep into their hosts. But other forms of parasitism are common in the avian world, where a variety of species lay eggs in the nests of expecting parents, who obliviously raise the hatchlings as their own. American coots appear to hedge their bets, starting their own nests before searching for a neighboring coot nest with eggs, and then depositing any extras there.

Since those eggs tend to hatch later, coot parents have evolved an extremely simple strategy for dealing with these parasites: take care of the chicks that hatch first, and discriminate against any stragglers. Researchers can experimentally swap in older coot eggs, and the parents will imprint on those chicks when they hatch, and care for them at the expense of their own genetic offspring when they arrive. Since this situation should never occur naturally, the coots' solution is generally effective, even if it's obviously not foolproof.

For your holiday hangover pleasure, Weird Science recommends vodka: The title gives a great impression of the overall scope of the project: "Intoxication With Bourbon Versus Vodka: Effects on Hangover, Sleep, and Next-Day Neurocognitive Performance in Young Adults." Cutting to the chase, the answer is clearly vodka. Subjects got to participate in two bouts of drinking, after which their sleep was monitored and tests of mental performance were administered the next day. The clear consensus is that the subjects felt much worse after bourbon, and it showed in the tests.

Forget morality, these people are consumers: People who study ethics often probe philosophical issues using the trolley problem—would you pull a switch to redirect a trolley car away from five people, if it meant sending it at one individual? But, apparently, the results can be interpreted without resorting to etherial concepts like morality—consumer analysis is just as effective. Asking subjects to actually provide reasons for sacrificing someone reduced their desire to do so, and the number of lives at risk was the strongest influence on their decision. Both of these behaviors can be accounted for by more mundane concepts like consumer choice or risk analysis.

Of course, the alternate interpretation is that the same areas of the brain that handle morality also play a role in deciding what to buy.

20 Reader Comments

Male ducks tend to gangrape female ducks in Denmark, often leading to the female duck drowning.

Quite traumatic for children on a field trip to the park, and has led to people demanding that the city takes action, which they have refused on the grounds that ducks are a wild animal unlike the animals in the zoo for instance.

Fortunatly the children can just feed the psychotic swans instead, they will bite the hand that feeds them if you're not aware that you need to throw the food, they hate you even if you feed them.

Really, the combination of stories is really too much! - duck rape, vodka vs whiskey hangovers and consumer analysis better than morality? The humanity of it all! Actually the last story isn't too surprising if you accept that humans are just another evolved social primate, and don't primarily derive their moral sense from a sacred book or from divinely blessed interpreters of sacred writings. -and Hooray for vodka, breakfast of champions!

I used to have a couple of muscovy ducks and boy, the drake was successful screwing (literally it seems) the female every single morning. After that you could see the convoluted schlong hanging down there for a few seconds. Never I imagined this was so unique. The article was both interesting and hilarious.

The paper in question here actually capture video of the male erection process, which normally takes place inside the female: "Eversion of the 20 cm muscovy duck penis is explosive, taking an average of 0.36 s, and achieving a maximum velocity of 1.6 m s−1."

Originally posted by frankie1969:For shame for shame, John Timmer! There's a waterfowl with a nearly 8 inch woody and you completely failed to make a SIXTEEN CANDLES reference! "What's happenin' hot stuff?"

Originally posted by frankie1969:For shame for shame, John Timmer! There's a waterfowl with a nearly 8 inch woody and you completely failed to make a SIXTEEN CANDLES reference! "What's happenin' hot stuff?"

There's some pictures out of some, I think South American ducks with a nearly 2 foot penis. Not something I'd search for from work.