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Thursday, 13 October 2011

Because You Asked For It: One Gal's Used Underwear is Another Gal's Goldmine

Ridiculously inappropriate gift from MIL...how do I tell her NEVER offer ANYONE used underwear?

"SO GROSS!" ...or is it?

My MIL sent me a box full of clothes, a couple of skirts (only one of which was in my size) a bunch of shirts (none of which i would ever be caught dead in. freaking hideous not to mention oversized) and, to my horror, a dozen or so bra and panty sets (not one piece in my size, but i guess it's far from necessary for a bra to fit right? yeah...) They all looked terribly old, high waisted and shapeless. I thought, well, she probably picked it all up on sale years ago, forgot about it, and though "OH! she'd like this stuff!" when she found it. WRONG. When I spoke to her, "most" of it had never been worn, and the white undergarment set she'd "only" worn once. ON HER WEDDING NIGHT. How do I tell her this is all seriously inappropriate? I've fought with eating disorders in my younger years, so being sent "large" clothes is terrifying (I'm a small in most clothes , extra when shopping in old-lady sizes) and USED PANTIES? That is SO GROSS! SO says I'm being stuck-up, bit OMG! *gag*

Dear Recipient of Used Underwear,

OMG! Do you have any idea how lucky you are? I wish my MIL would send me used underwear! Your average pair of used panties will fetch you about $20-$40 a pop. Which means you are sitting on a minimum of about $240-$480. That is assuming this underwear is typical run of the mill sexy stuff. But the fact that you are disgusted by the fashion, size and age of the underwear means that you are sitting on a goldmine of high-grade fetish gear.

$$$Ka-ching!$$$

If I were you I would auction that shit off to the highest bidder. That WEDDING NIGHT underwear will probably fetch an extremely handsome price on eBay. And you don't even have to wear them, you lucky bitch! I looked this up and you can make a career out of it. There's even a social networking site called MyPantyStore.com that helps put you together with your buyers. They say "It's like eBay meets MySpace only the focus is on used panties." It's so big in Japan they have vending machines! (Shit, I think I'm going to get into this. I've gotta go get Daddy on board.)

Have fun with your box-full of money and be sure to kiss your MIL next time you see her. If you still really don't want the underwear contact me at mommyrotten@hotmail.ca and hook a bitch up!

Mommy Rotten

(You've really got to get over this size thing. Seriously, you're an old-lady extra small. Extra-small old-ladies are the smallest people ever. You're tiny. Just take a deep breath and think about that money.)