Yes, I know when you look at my svelte body, you say to yourselves that can’t be true.

Well, yes it is true. I believe you can eat what you want (in moderation) and still look as good as I do.

However, this opinion is not what you eat but about the etiquette of eating.

I don’t really know what this word etiquette is, but I think it is something to do with how to eat properly.

What made me think of eating?

Nothing really. I think of eating all the time. It’s just that I heard about the English Prime Minister, whose name is David Cameron. He looks like a person who would like cats and was photographed eating what the papers said was a hot dog with a knife and fork.

It seemed the whole world seemed to think this was wrong.

I agree with this sentiment but for different reasons.

I wish I could contact the Prime Minister and advise him on how to eat properly. Especially if there are photographers snapping him noshing into a hot dog. Or in this case it was actually a sausage in a bread roll.

Humans make things difficult. Decisions about whether you should you use a knife and fork, fork only or spoon gets people especially politicians into trouble.

Keep it simple humans.

The etiquette for eating correctly is:

First, place yourself on all fours above the dish which contains the food.

Second, place your face in the dish which contains the food.

Third, begin to eat, remember to stop at times in order to breathe, and then continue.

In no time your dish will be empty and your belly will be full. Now for a post meal sleep.

If Mr Cameron follows my advice he will find that he will not be hungry or tired. Or have to worry about what eating implement to use.

He will have the energy to continue campaigning so he can continue criticising everything his opponent does, says, thinks and even doesn’t think. Just as his opponent does to him.

Gee, maybe I should send this directly to Mr Cameron and he will give me the job of his Campaign Manager. I am sure I could give him other invaluable advice.

He could call me Charlie and I could call him Davo (in private only). The staff would call Davo “Yes PM” but not “No PM’ because none of the staff would say “No PM” if they still want to get paid.

Hopefully Davo takes my advice when next he eats with photographers nearby.

Do you have any additional advice for politicians when they eat? Share your thoughts on Twitter, Facebook or Meowmail me.