VICTIMS WITH DIGNITY: April prank victims (AUUSIRPJs) demand more respect

NEW YORK — As the world braces itself for heightened cases of pranks on April 1 today, victims of the said pranks have demanded that the term ‘April Fool’ be changed to something more dignified and non-insulting.

Stephanie Brooks, a lawyer representing the group of prank victims from all over the world, said that all this while, falling for pranks and being the butt of jokes would have been tolerable, if not for the disparaging term.

“We’re perfectly okay with being punk’d once in a while,” said Brooks, reading a written statement signed by representatives of the April Fool victims, numbering over 500 million every year. “However, the pain of becoming suckers is greatly exacerbated when you’re labelled as a ‘fool’.

“Therefore, the unified alliance of April prank victims hereby demand that the term ‘April Fool’ be replaced with ‘April Unwilling but Unfoolish and Still Intelligent Recepients of Practical Jokes’, or AUUSIRPJ, for short.

STANDING FIRM: Brooks at the Press conference

“This new term would acknowledge that while the victims were caught unaware and bamboozled by these practical jokes hatched by their family and friends, their falling victim does not in any way reflect their true intellect and wisdom. In fact, it reflects the fact that these good people have an advanced and developed sense of humour to be so sporting.”

Brooks said that efforts are being taken to get the name-change done in all institutions of authority in charge of the English language, and get leaders of the world’s nations to ratify the new term.

“We hope that by next year, all AUUSIRPJs would no longer be traumatised every time April 1 approaches. In fact, we believe they would wear that name with pride, knowing that it carries enviable levels of dignity, honour and respect.”