Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving?

So, I rarely use this blog as a personal diary but in this instance I am feeling it is necessary. Early this morning I woke up screaming from a terrible nightmare. Sweating, grinding my teeth and anxiety levels soaring I sat up in bed and grabbed in the dark for my dog Stitch. I dreamt I was in some sort of cooking class and we had an assignment, my dreams are nonlinear and hazy so bear with me many of the details were left out, but we were cooking bats in the class, I kept repeating the word "bat guano" over and over, I don't think that's a very important part of it I just remember it, but I decided they didn't need to waste bat or guano on what I was making and decided to cook Stitch instead. There was no image of death or the process of cooking, I just knew what I had done. At that moment of realization I screamed and moaned and cried. I knew I couldn't take it back or undo it! I felt I chose to cook her out of convenience and the regret weighed heavy on my heart. That is when I fought the dream and woke up disgusted with myself. Laying in bed I sorted out the details of my dream. It is Thanksgiving and I have volunteered to roast a turkey for a homeless teen center in the Tenderloin, I offered my services to help others have a "Happy Thanksgiving" but haven't eaten any animal flesh in over a year. I think the guilt overcame me, equating the turkey I will be roasting with the love and companionship of my best bud, Stitch. Man, that vegetarian guilt is a b****!