Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Halfway???

I am slowly nearing the halfway mark of this deployment.I hear people comment about how exciting this must be.I have to honestly say, halfway is much harder than exciting.I know how far we have come and I am so proud of my children and myself, but to me...halfway means, I have as far as we have come left to go.And that seems daunting at times.

Halfway is more of a peak of emotions for me. If I could put into words how halfway feels it could be “Ok, I have really had enough of this now.”

It seems like halfway brings on a whole new meaning to “missing Ryan”.However, in remaining true to my goals for this deployment I have had to ask myself several hard questions.Why does missing someone equal sadness?Why cant a person miss someone without that “feeling” Is it really “sadness” because of “Missing” him?

I guess for me I see it as understanding and accepting balance in my life.Which is not an easy thing to do for anyone.If I accept it then it normalizes it and makes it OK in a sense.Knowing that you cant have one thing without the other.That is balance for me.I cant have happiness without sadness, I cant have fun without boredom, I cant miss or loose someone without love.So this “missing” feeling isn’t scary and sad….its just a product of my love.

Hopefully I can keep the end in sight.I like to see it as a metaphor and visualize it glowing.Like getting closer to a light.I can always see it.....it started off a pinpoint and quite dark, but as the days move along the light is getting brighter and glowing….it is starting to illuminate my path and making other things in my path more clear.

Maybe this is a way that many things in life can be considered. Have a wonderful week and trust your light.