In Memory

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What goes up does come down! (WARNING)

WARNING ....THIS IS A RAMBLING ENTRY

Don't get me wrong I am still smiling and the high from the last few days will propel me to do what is necessary and my faith in humanity is slowly being restored, I know it's always been there, but sometimes the people in your life don't possess an ounce of it. There are so many people right now that I am grateful for, and I have had no problem telling them how grateful I am for who they are and how they conducted themselves and how they stepped up to the plate and offered more support than I ever would have dreamt of getting from anybody, let alone someone who is really a stranger to me, for that I will be eternally grateful, mostly too because I haven't had that very much in my life. But having said all that and still being happy about all the changes, there are changes that I am not happy about, and that's what I need to deal with every day...changes in me. Last May I was pretty much on top of the world, the happiest I think I have ever been in my life, all kids were doing great, I had a good job with the city, that allowed me to do things that were important to me, I had just landed another job at my all time favourite place, I had the greatest friends, I had stepped on many things far out of my comfort zone, but with the safety net of my peers it was not so hard to do, I walked proudly anywhere I went, I was happy, I was on a 99.8 pound downward spiral on my other journey, I felt great. Life was grand. And then within a week of some major changes in my work environment with the city it all changed. All the things I had worked on and for the last few years to make me the happy person that I felt I was and always wanted to be, crumbled next to nothing in a constant struggle to survive, trying to always stay a step ahead just to be ready for the fall out. It was a loosing battle, even though on a few occasions I felt vindicated and seemed to have the upper hand, one thing for sure, I wasn't taking it silently mostly because I knew the games just all too well, as I had been through it before. Nevertheless the emotional and physical toll it took on me was undeniable and even though when you are in it, you really have no time to think about it and really deal with it, because you only try to make it through the next day unharmed, but now that it's over and you are left with the broken pieces of your life, it's hard to face what the past eight months have done to you. And even though I am still smiling, I am mad as hell that I am stuck with having to take out all my emotional garbage again and deal with me. Nobody is responsible for what happened but myself for letting it happen the way it did, even though there is one person who assured me that she wished it didn't had to happen. But as we said mistakes happen so we learn from them, sometimes somebody has to pay the price and sometimes we get off unharmed, and I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and maybe it had to happen a second time to finally get it right in dealing with the situation. And trust me the situation has been dealt with the right way this time around. And even though it has been resolved, there are some of us who are still afraid of the consequences, and rightfully though. Again knowing that person, I am prepared for anything and trust me some of the things that come to mind aren't pretty. I will take one day at a time and things will get easier and more comfortable. So this is me dealing with me again.

So this morning while I am sitting with my coffee and commiserate about the things I need to do now to get myself back to my pre May state of being there is a knock on the door, this early in the morning it is usually a postal service and I had ordered a few things last week but really wasn't expecting it to be here already. There were two big boxes for me, and I just laughed out loud, omg it was too cute. I found this little silly shop on ETSY.COM and the owner and creator makes all kinds of crazy funny and silly donkey things, since she runs her own little rescue of donkeys, we spent a lot of time talking via email about donkeys and our jobs with the donkeys. It's like it always is with donkey people, once you found one, you become instant friends. Well I had ordered a few little things from her shop to also support her in her endeavour of looking after her donkeys, they were just little things, nothing big and expensive, turns out that I got far more for my money than I could have ever imagined. The items I had ordered were just little but the boxes were huge. Both boxes were covered in tons of tape that was holding in confetti and sequence and all kinds of donkey pictures all over the outside of the boxes. That made me smile, then I opened the boxes, first one contained two quilted blankets for small horses, she had bought for her donkeys but they didn't fit so she thought they might fit some of our minis. The second box contained another blanket and my items. My items were wrapped up so nicely, every thing separately and I had so much fun unpacking them and laughed hard at each on of them, they were just too cute and every package had a little plastic donkey or another little charm attached to the ribbon.
And then I unpacked another package, even though I had all my items already. She has those little Schleich donkeys and dresses them up with all kind of funky outfits and there she was, my little donkey, all dressed in pink, with wings, turban and all kinds of funky things on, omg I laughed so hard, the little note attached said...she wanted to come to Canada too. It was priceless and I loved everything about it. She sure will make me smile every time I look at her and remind me of the generosity and kindness of a complete stranger. PRICELESS! We donkey people are a little kooky at times lol....but that's why we all get along. This one is similar to mine....too funny!

2 comments:

I'm glad things seem to be getting better for you. I love your presie too its cute!! She is a very special person for gifting you with all those items. you'll have to take pictures of the blankets on the minis for her if they work