Not a bad day...

August 14th, 2015 at 06:11 pm

Today's doings:
1. Sold 4 loom harness shafts to the woman who bought one of my mother's looms, for $75.

2. Visited a 2nd nursing home in the area on my lunch break but was disappointed to learn that if my mother's dementia got worse and she began to pose a danger to others (vis a vis agitation) or herself (by wandering) they would not be able to keep her there. I wish she'd told me that on the phone and saved me the trip. I don't think I'd move my mother to a facility if I knew there was a good chance I'd have to move her again. It would be too disruptive to her life to do that to her a 3rd time.

3. On the way home from there I stopped at the PO to mail another shipment of yarn to Boston, and stopped at 2 banks, my mother's and my own, to make 2 small deposits from yarn sales.

Instead of discouraging myself by focusing on the meaninglessness of these numbers when compared to the $5850 monthly rent, I need to instead tell myself that these monies are still helping, by making it easier for me to manage the out of pocket expenses that really add up. Like, when I paid $531 to recarpet the 2nd staircase at the condo, I had to charge it to my credit card. Or the monthly bills from the pharmacy that come to about $50 a month.

I still feel undecided about how to handle her expenses. I've been toying with the idea of setting up a money market account dedicated to her expenses, and then contributing to it on a monthly basis. The idea would be that although it would be my money I'd be putting in it, if the account is dedicated to mom, when the money becomes a sizable amount over time, it will be easier for me to just apply it to her expenses rather than feel like I'm withdrawing large sums from my own (other) accounts.

It's more a psychological tactic than anything else. I'm afraid if I don't create a special account just for her expenses, I'll be less inclined to use my own money to pay for these expenses if the money's coming out of my regular accounts.

The whole exercise may be stupid. If I don't want to really impact my own savings plan, realistically, I probably wouldn't be able to contribute more than $500 a month to this account, and that only adds up to $6000 a year....again, a drop in a bucket. Which leads me to ask myself for the hundredth time, What's the point? $6,000 will buy my mother one extra month at the assisted living place. That's it.

My closest friends are of the mind that I should just relax about all of this and let things happen, put my mother in a nursing home when the time comes and let the state pick up the tab. Which will happen eventually, but it's hard to just not try to do anything to prolong my mother's time at the place she is now, since it is SOOO much nicer than any nursing home. The place I checked out today had a kind of homey feeling to it, but when it got to the rooms, it was about as institutional as they come, 2 to a room with only a curtain divider for privacy and looking very much like a hospital room. Precious little room for paintings on the wall or anything else.

Yesterday I had my meeting with the Social Security Administration, at their office, to officially apply to become payee of my mother's SS checks. I don't need to do this as the checks are already deposited into the checking account to which I had my name added a year or more ago, so I could pay my mother's bills from that account, but in order to update the mailing address on her monthly Medicare statements, they said this is what I had to do. Because it's all tied together. They will send a notice to her doctor, who has to agree my mother can't manage her affairs, and then I'll have to take that to her bank so they can set up a specially designated Payee account. With that paper in hand, I have to then return to the SSA office and it will be official. A lot of running around just to update a mailing address.

It will actually complicate things a little because since I will want to apply her SS checks to her rent, but since it won't cover all of it, I'll hav

Dear God, I hope I get an offer soon on the condo. Foot traffic through there seems to have quieted down this month, and we're just weeks away from back-to-school time, so it looks like any buyer that miraculously appears now will not be a family buyer.

4 Responses to “Not a bad day...”

I think that you ought to pay her bills now with her money. If you want to start setting aside some of your money that you'd be willing to use for her care eventually, that's reasonable. It's a terrible race ( life/illness/money) and it is horrible not being able to predict.With some luck, it will work out.