"But now it's all unity governments and democracy prizes and all that touchy-feely bullshit."

He said that there had been some "early promising signs from a South African called Julius something-or-other", but that the young demagogue had "failed to mature into a fully fledged whack job who thought he was the king of space and rear admiral of the Afrikan Liberation Navy's anti-homosodomite division, and wanted the uniform to prove it".

To make matters worse, he said, Africa's newer despots seemed to be favouring a more corporate look.

"If I had a euro for every blood-diamond-sucking monster in a Savile Row three-piece, I could retire to Saudi Arabia like uncle Idi did," he sighed.