A heady mix of entertainment, news, style and writings on popular culture from a young man living in London and Amsterdam

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

"Yer Hiyud!"

So that's it. No more grizzling, growling and scowling from Suralan, no more eye-rolling and eyebrow-raising from Margaret, and no more irritatingly pensive frowns from Nick (there IS a God). Series five of The Apprentice is over.

Far more surprising than actual result (more on that in a moment) was the revelation that Margaret Mountford is sadly hanging up her stern gaze, twinkley eyes and imperious smirk in order to fully focus on her PhD in papyrology at UCL. Of even more concern is the rumour that BBC rules on conflict of interest may preclude Suralan from both fronting The Apprentice and advising the government, with his recent appointment as Big Business Papa (or something) talking precedence over the opportunity to groom a third finalist in the Michelle Dewberry / Kate Walsh mould (say what you like about him, he certainly has a type).

But what of the result? It was all a bit much of a muchness in the end: both contestants impeccably competent in their performance of the final task and both fully accepting of the hype that Suralan is the fiercest, most successful businessman the world has ever known. Other than that, Kate seems the more polished professional but Yasmina has that entrepreneurial streak, aligning her with the "oi saahld TVs ahhht the back of moi vaaahn" mentality of Lord Grumpypants (title tbc). Yasmina also delivered the most memorable line of the show, in response to the resurgent Philip's assurance that "people didn't think that Pants Man was a good idea, but they will..." - "That's a shit example, Phil." Ten points to her.

And on that basis alone, I think, she won. Kate will doubtlessly go on to have a moderately successful television career as a Pretty Perky Grinner, while Yasmina, after hearing the immortal words "Yer Hiyud", relishes a future basking in the glamour of Surallun's digital signage department, flogging display boards to doctors' surgeries. Personally, I'd forgo either of those careers for the chance to register as a library assistant at UCL and watch Margaret stalking down the corridors with a bunch of Egyptian scrolls, an icy stare and a contract to front The Apprentice 2010.