This is really more D related but I feel like posting here in NB - my safe zone I guess.

Many of you know that my X and I have been in a long term holding pattern for our D. We have some deadlines fast approaching. Its time

X texted me tonight asking if we could talk tomorrow. Those texts used to leave a pit in my stomach b/c it was always drama. This time I just asked him to summarize tonight and I let it go. He mentioned that we needed to finalize things. It kind of through me for a loop. I hadn't thought about it much recently. Its unlike him to take the initiative. I guess he's finally moving on as well.

I'm not really upset but feeling a bit melancholy about the whole thing. Somehow, even after 5 years, I can't believe we couldn't pull it together. Its just plain sad. I've always felt the biggest issue for us was always communication. That has frustrated me all along. At this point, I have no desire to have him back but I feel sad that an entire M failed b/c we couldn't agree what shade of blue that the sky is.

I don't ... just feeling a little out of balance tonight

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40123 | Registered: Aug 2011

Williesmom♀ 22870Member # 22870

Posted: 7:13 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

((hexed))

You'll feel better when it's resolved.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9126 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA

Weatherly♀ 18222Member # 18222

Posted: 7:22 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

(((((((((Hexed))))))))))

Me-32 ,Two boys, 13 and 11

It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end

Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.

Posts: 4711 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Georgia

CluelessGuy♂ 28491Member # 28491

Posted: 7:28 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

(((hexed)))

BH - now 48
Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012

Posts: 656 | Registered: May 2010

jo2love♀ 31528Member # 31528

Posted: 7:34 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

(((hexed)))

Posts: 50135 | Registered: Mar 2011

MyVoice♀ 35695Member # 35695

Posted: 7:51 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

(((hexed))) xxx

Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 493 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia

veelop5♀ 11089Member # 11089

Posted: 8:13 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

(((hexed)))...I can't wait to read about your D and about a new beginning....I am sorry you are having a hard time right now..You have been there for me many times so if I can be of any help please message me!...

In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
--------68 now. Dday was 11/11/05
***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Widowed, then VERY happily remarried 2/14/14

Posts: 2555 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA

tryingagain74♀ 33698Member # 33698

Posted: 9:39 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

Thinking of you.

(((hexed)))

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 4079 | Registered: Oct 2011

hurtinky♀ 26152Member # 26152

Posted: 10:21 AM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.

I was stuck during my seven year separation.

I remember that feeling in the stomach well. Every email, every piece of mail from the attorney. My heart would race, and it felt like a panic attack.

It's good to get it over with.

(((Hexed))))

Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12

Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky

hexed♀ 19258Member # 19258

Posted: 1:05 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

It's funny, I'm OK with the finalization.

I think what I'm not good with is the OW still being around. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hugely bothered by it but I sense that she is pushing it. It is unlike him to initiate these contacts. I've forced it all along. I'm still annoyed with her for certain things.

It is more than time. I realize that what I posted last night wasn't very true. It wasn't just communication. I like to sugar coat it with that. He is/was an active alcoholic. He most likely was cheating through out our M. He is very P/A. He can't tolerate to be told what to do. Ect. There was more than one problem.

I really am glad to have it done. It is best for both of us but it wouldn't be genuine of me to say it doesn't have any effect on me at all.

Good Bye X.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 9593 | Registered: Apr 2008

wildbananas♀ 10552Member # 10552

Posted: 1:41 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

I hear you. My D took over three years. We'd both moved on with other people. I had zero desire to R with him. But I still felt a bit sad when the disso came down. It wasn't that I was sad and missing HIM... like you said, it was more sad over the idea that it didn't work out, I guess?

I dunno. But the sadz do pass. I promise.

Here's to your official NB.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15975 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl

stronggirl72♀ 37293Member # 37293

Posted: 2:03 PM, April 5th (Friday), 2013

Long drawn out separations might be beneficial in practical ways, but they don't do much for us emotionally.

^^^Yes. My SA states that we will be LS for close to a year because of health insurance coverage, and even that length of time seems challenging sometimes. I would jump at the chance if STBX were to initiate the D sooner than our agreement states, but that doesn't mean that I won't feel a sense of melancholy when that day does arrive. You are not alone.

Wishing you the very best during this transition and here's to a happy, healthy NB!