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Tuesday, March 1, 2016

A letter to Brian (Thanks for the prayers)

There are moments in my life that I have had such a strong feeling that 'this moment is what life is all about. don't forget anything about this moment.'

Like that one night during the summer we fell in love. It was after a full day of fun at the local amusement park. He had just won me a stuffed animal, we were holding each other next to the water fountains, just smiling and kissing under the fireworks that were signaling everyone closing time was near and people rushed by us to beat the traffic. I soaked in everything I could. Even though we had only known each other for a few months, I knew without a doubt in that moment we had something special. something I only read, seen in movies and dreamed about. I felt safe, adored and whole.

Our very first night in our first apartment. We hadn't moved any furniture in yet but I couldn't wait one more day. So we spent the night on the carpet listening to a clock radio.

Or the moments I stood in the rain outside of the church just a half hour after I became Mrs. Taylor. I closed my eyes, stretched out my arms and twirled in circles letting my dress flow around me. when I finally stopped I opened my eyes and saw my Husband pulled up in the car watching me with the sweetest smile on his face. I laughed at myself and right then I got that whisper "never forget this"

That voice whispered again only a few short days later on the deck of our honeymoon cruise. We decided to pull an all nighter and watch the waves crashing behind the boat. no one was around and He grabbed my hand and we slow danced to just the sounds of the water.

Then when everything around us seemed to be falling apart and I was sure we were heading towards the end. He asked me out on a simple yet probably the most important date of our marriage. We could only afford to split a hot fudge cake at big boys. Again it was closing time but we sat across from each other with our two spoons and one plate. My heart knew again we had something special and it was important to him too. We were going to make it and all the other details would work itself out no doubts and no plans, just faith.

Seeing him hold each of our babies, the way he kisses my chin because he knows that's a part of my body I am very insecure about, his heart even for those that have done him wrong, all the photo ideas he agrees to just to make me happy. painting his computer room together, marking the girls height on the wall with permanent marker, laying my head on his shoulder in the car, building a fire in the backyard for s'mores, watching the blood moon, when he made everyone get together for a big family hug after a very trying time, painting in a canoe under the stars, the way he rocked each of the girls when they were crying, and So many more moments that might be too personal or too special to share. I put him through a lot of surprises and indecisive or spur of the moment decisions. I keep him on his toes and frustrate him to no end with my constant go go go life style. I am a very go with the flow -follow my heart kind of person. He is a very make plans -go by the book kind of person. opposites and balance

that's us.

Then tonight. After a very cold shoulder stressful day I knew I needed a moment. I needed to hear that whisper. That reminder. another chapter to add to our special love story.

The song was kiss me was playing. Brian had finished a long list of chores I guilt him into doing because I just had enough with our bad attitudes and needed something to get done. he walked passed me and in a snarky tone he asked if there was anything else I wanted. I walked up to him and said "dance with me." I could feel all the resentment and stress melt as he wrapped his arms around me and we swayed back and forth.

our fears and worries about what tomorrow holds have been building for a while and instead of talking about them like we know we should have been doing

we just pushed it aside and faked a smile

Tomorrow I will be put under as a doctor removes a lump in my neck.

just typing those words make me nervous.

I have been reassured and told all the stories of positive outcomes, I have faith and the prayers of so many loved ones that have been texting and calling all day long.

I am optimistic that this is nothing but a little scare, a little lesson to take better care of my body and not take a day for granted. But to see my husband nervous and stressed, to know he can't help but fear the worse. That makes me long for all those milestone moments in our lives. as simple as each of them were they show me whats important. His love, our life.

We swayed back and fourth. until Lil Stella tapped on my leg. she reached her arms up and our slow dance became a three way dance. I looked around and heard the whisper but at that same moment I heard.......a toot!

"I farted." Stella busted out laughing.

no our special moment wasn't ruined but instead made even more memerable. Life can sometimes be stinky but there is still beauty.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. I will keep everyone updated.

I love you Timothy Brian Taylor.

I am making you read this as you are in the waiting room because I want you to know that no matter what happens you have made my life full

you are my hero and my better half.

people only dream of what we have and I am forever grateful for all our little moments.

God blessed the broken road that lead us together and even though it hasn't been smooth since I wouldn't trade it for anything.