Snowball Blaster: Now you’re all in big, big trouble

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Of course the Snowball Blaster should hit the scene when I’m damn near thirty and too old to go get in snowball fights with the neighborhood children. “It’s that creepy blogger!” all the parents would yell. “Don’t get into snowball fights with him! He works out of the house! That’s not normal! He’ll try to kidnap you and teach you to type!”

Ah, but here I sit wishing against wishful-ness that the Snowball Blaster would have been available twenty years ago when I was in prime snowball fighting form. For today’s youngsters, assuming they still go outside once in awhile, the Snowball Blaster can be had for $29.95 from Hammacher Schlemmer.

It’s made of “durable, cold-resistant plastic” and “is powered by elastomers (?) instead of batteries,” so you’ll never run out of shooting power. Simply pack three clumps of snow into the “forming chamber” and the gun will produce perfect snowballs for you to slingshot up to fifty feet “during neighborhood snowball confrontations.”