She recommended starting out with some tenderness. "This is a tender time," she said. "It can be, 'Hey, you know you're great. I care about you. I love you and I'm here for you.' "

Healy said it is important to offer plenty of encouragement either in person or in a letter. "I know you can do this. Having cancer isn't fun. You're going to face some difficult times, but I know you can do this. You're strong."

She cautioned people to "think before they speak" to someone with newly diagnosed cancer. "One thing you don't want to do is instantly assume it's terminal. ... Often there is a feeling that people are going to write them off, or they're going to count them out." Health Minute: More on cancer etiquette

In her book, Healy wrote, "Banish the following from your vocabulary: terminal, incurable, hopeless and salvage."

She said she prefers positive conversations. "I liked hearing that I seemed like myself again. It meant that I was in control, and I was able to believe it," she said.

If you want to help a friend, Lewis recommended making specific gestures that are thoughtful.

Healy added if you're uncertain how your words or actions will be received, then it may be better to stick with something simple. She said, "A hug or 'thinking of you, dear friend' note can mean a lot, too."