Families of fallen soldiers gather in Washington for Weekend of Remembrance

WASHINGTON — Pamela Schwarz arrived at the U.S. Capitol Saturday wearing a blue T-shirt with a photo of her late son and a credential bearing a gold star hanging from her neck.

All around her, thousands wore the same gold star as reluctant members of a proud, but tragic, club.

"We are all in this together," said Schwarz, 58, of Carlstadt. "It’s the same thing, the same grief."

JAY PREMACK/FOR THE STAR-LEDGERFamily members of fallen soldiers of past wars stand next to soldiers in period uniforms.

More than 500 Gold Star families — the name for relatives of soldiers who died in war — gathered in the nation’s capital Saturday for an emotional Weekend of Remembrance to honor troops who died in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.

The fourth annual event was organized by Families United for Our Troops, a nonprofit support organization, and the White House Commission on Remembrance. This year’s gathering was the largest yet, attracting families from 47 states, including the relatives of 16 deceased soldiers from New Jersey.

Bernadette Sherman, of Neptune, arrived Friday to visit her son’s grave in Arlington National Cemetery with nine relatives and friends. Her 27-year-old son, Sgt. Stephen R. Sherman, died in a 2005 roadside bombing in Baghdad.

"On this weekend I can be myself. I can tell you I’m sad and I can cry if I want to, or not," said Sherman, 60. "I know that everyone with me is in the same boat."

The two-day event began Friday with a private dinner for the families. Saturday, they gathered at the steps of the Capitol under a gray sky for an emotional ceremony to honor the war dead.

But a highlight of the day was a gathering of the children of dead soldiers on the lawn in front of the Capitol. The children were presented with gold medals of remembrance. Then, as many in the crowd cried, the five high-ranking representatives of the armed forces gave the children a somber salute

JAY PREMACK/FOR THE STAR-LEDGERBernadette Sherman crosses her heart as General George William Casey, Jr., Chief of Staff of the United States Army salutes as each branch of the military is honored during the ceremony for fallen soldiers and their families.

Later, the families mingled at a picnic in a tent on the National Mall.

Schwarz, the Gold Star mother from Carlstadt, said it has been less than three years since her 20-year-old son, Lance Cpl. Michael A. Schwarz, died in Iraq from an enemy sniper bullet. She took comfort in meeting other mothers who are going through the same grief.

"That’s what we are here for, to support each other," Schwarz said.

Organizer Carmella Laspada said the original idea for a national gathering for Gold Star families grew out of a feeling that Memorial Day was not being properly celebrated. Families were often left to struggle alone with the pain of their losses.

"There are two casualties of war," said Laspada, the executive director of the White House Commission on Remembrance. "One on the battlefield and one on the homefront."

As of Saturday, 5,188 members of the American military had died in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, according to the Department of Defense. That includes more than 100 who were residents or had close ties to New Jersey.

Sherman, whose son died in Iraq, said she was grateful for a chance to formally remember his sacrifice.

"I fear that my son will be forgotten," Sherman said. "With events like this I know at least he will be remembered now."

Ron Griffin travelled to the event from his home in Emerson, Bergen County. His son, Army Spc. Kyle A. Griffin, died in a road accident in northern Iraq in 2003. He was 20.

There is nothing like the raw emotion of standing in the shadow of the U.S. Capitol with a crowd of hundreds of people who know exactly how you are feeling, Griffin said.

"It’s as honest as can be," Griffin said. "You are talking without thinking, with pure emotions. Because it is all emotions."