It's about that time again.

I really want to do it right now. god to just take all those pills and die. not have to think, breathe or live ever again. just be dead. people keep saying pills are the worse way to kill yourself, but that's not true. There are people who've actually done it with pills. I'm a pretty small person. I could probably take about 50 and be done with it. If only I had the balls. I'm so fucking weak. What the hell is there left for me. just a lonely life full of misery and burden. im worthless to everyone. The only person who needs me in this life is my mom. is it worth it anymore, staying alive for her. maybe i should take her with me. put us both out of our misery. i'm so fucking alone. i can't do this anymore.

Before you do anything call a hotline. Dont kill yourself yet, and certainly dont kill your mum. I would chat with you but im using a shitty mobile instead of a pc at the moment to write in here. But seek help first and then decide.

It sounds like you need someone to talk to face to face. I recommend a therapist. Some of them work on a sliding pay scale. Trust me you can learn alot in therapy. I have been a high risk for suicide for 15 years. With the help of my sister and having her support me has kept me from going thru with it. I also use my daughter and grandaughter as a deterent. You need to take it a day at a time. Live for today and don't worry what life may bring in the future. Please seek the help and put those thoughts to rest....

Please don't plan a murder/suicide hun. That's not the answer to your problems. I think you need some help dealing with your problems. Talk to someone about how you're feeling. Try the chatroom sometime. There are usually people there who are more than willing to help.