While cleaning my garage over the weekend, I could no longer contain my curiosity about the contents of a box in the rafters - so I opened it, and discovered THIS.

I'm sure this thing is probably worth something, but being unfamiliar with the valuation of derelict light fixtures, I'm just going to offer it up to anyone who wants it.

No offense if it's your style, but I'm honestly uncomfortable with the thought that this monstrosity has been lurking in my garage since I moved in.

I took the risk of summoning whatever evil created this beast and plugged it in - I am pleased to report that not only did I survive the event, but it works! One of the bulbs is burned out. There is a switch on the top that allows one to select the level of offensiveness (AKA the number of bulbs lit), which surely involves some sort of witchcraft.

To my untrained eye, it appears to be complete - the ceiling plate and the chain (presumably required to keep the thing from going rogue and decapitating loved ones) are in the box with it.

So yeah, come and get it.

Please.

Location: Ferndale

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests