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Feature: Video Game Characters Looking for Love - 2014

The guys I meet are either deadbeats or undead, so I figured I'd give this a shot

Jill Valentine

Seeking My Jill Manwich

About Me: Ex-Army brat who has served in the Delta Force, STARS, and the BSAA, all of which drilled into me the valuable skills of looking pretty and wearing tight clothes. The guys I meet are either deadbeats or undead, so I figured I'd give this a shot. I was reluctant to try online dating at first, but then I realized that I spend 12 hours a day being pursued by drooling, brainless mutants anyway, so what's a few hours more?

Location: Raccoon City

Ethnicity: French-Japanese

Hair: Cropped

Eyes: Up here, buddy.

Occupation: Master of Unlocking

I would like to meet: Somebody willing to accept me for what I am: alive.

I like to play the following sports: Mud Wrestling, Pillow Fighting, Shopping, Hair Pulling...amirite girls??

My exercise regime consists of: Carrying more things than the men, reciting stilted dialogue, stiffly spinning in circles while trying to shoot the zombie that's like right in front of me.

My favourite music: "Zombie" by The Cranberries, "Zomby Woof" by Frank Zappa, "She's Not There (She's In a Creepy Mansion Solving Oblique Environmental Puzzles)" by The Zombies

@CaptainSquidLittle Mac barely missed out...and now I regret it, because it would have been great to have him right after his Smash Bros. announcement. Oh well. Maybe they'll announce the King of Red Lions next and I'll feel better.

@mozzy1We already did Samus! She's taken now, we assume, so no more profiles for her.

@Everyone Bemoaning a Lack of Females:Bear in mind that if you made a list of all female video game characters that have a) wide recognition b) a significant presence on Nintendo consoles and c) a rich enough history to mine for jokes, it would be substantially shorter than a list of male characters that satisfy the same conditions. A 1:10 ratio is probably about right on the whole. I'm by no means saying that's a good thing, but I can only work with what I have, and if I use up all of the female characters in one go, we'll run out!

Besides, that's not the important issue here...this is just all in good fun. Let's focus on the more important things, like whether or not Donkey Kong listens to Guns N Roses.

@AlbertoC Reminds me of an episode of "Reboot" when a comedian binome said "Take my wife, please" in binary ASCII.

@AJWolfTill You do realize Chrom gets married halfway through the game, right?

Another excellent edition! They're not all horrible picks, though. I could go for Jill as long as she never made me visit her at work and promised to take full advantage of maternity leave when the time came, and Chrom's a great guy if I swung that way.