Friday, April 6, 2012

4-6-12: Seamus, We're Halfway Home!

Recently, New York Times reporter Kevin Roose became bored one day, called a few of his billionaire friends and became a billionaire for a day.
The private jet, the car, the food -- he had it all, if only for a
short time. Years from now, when we're all waist-high in worthless
American currency, we'll look back at 2012 as the year when we could all
join the most exclusive of golf clubs. (Uh, unless you're a woman). How far we've come!

Moving along...

The Week That Was

A jubilant Mitt Romney has finally racked up enough delegates to cross the halfway mark. It seems the GOP base is still not enamored by the flip-flopping liberal elitist from Massachusetts! DC Republicans (all three of them) held their noses in the voting booth
and delivered for our Mittens. Maryland and Wisconsin also handed big
wins to Romney. There are now rumors on the internets about staff disillusion in the Santorum campaign. Is anyone hiring?

Back to the Supreme Court health care fight -- it's getting feisty between the executive and judicial branches, and that's a concern. First, Barry made a snarky remark lamenting judicial activism. Boy, we haven't heard that one before! The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals demanded to know
if the Obama Administration believes that a federal court has the
authority to strike down federal law. AG Eric Holder delivered a prompt response just hours before the deadline. He's playing with you, folks! The Righties, though, are convinced the Usurper had forgotten about Marbury v. Madison. In their dreams!

Police arrested
Francis Grady in connection with a bombing of a Planned Parenthood
clinic in Wisconsin. While authorities haven't determined a motive for
the attack, they know Grady has a history of run-ins with the law. The
clinic reopened the day after the bombing. In related news, Mississippi's governor says he will sign into lawHB 1390, which requires all physicians performing abortions
to have admitting privileges with a local hospital. Only one doctor in
the state's sole abortion clinic has such privileges. The clinic's
owner, Diane Derzis, says this is the case because of threats and the
fact that local hospitals rarely give admitting privileges to
out-of-state physicians. So much for Southern hospitality.

What are we to make of the JOBS Act,
the latest economic legislation to receive Obama's signature? Labor is
mad as hell because they argue that loosening regulations will prove
disastrous to working people while rewarding the speculators on Wall
Street. Obama and the bill's supporters
say the new crowd-sourcing provisions will boost small business growth,
particularly among start-ups. The law will also remove "antiquated
investing laws" that some claim are backbreaking to business. Now that
it's a done deal, keep your fingers crossed that the law won't help the Goldman Sachs of the world.

Are You Not Entertained?

Sister Sarah took a break from her reality show career to join the cast of the Today Show.
The former governor shared her insights on the 2012 campaign, pleading
with the eventual nominee to "go rogue" when selecting a VP candidate.
Palin handily defeated her lamestream arch-nemisis, Katie Couric. How have her adoring fans reacted to her appearance on communist television? Click here if you must know.
Geek-gasm alert! A few weeks ago, Nichelle "Uhura" Nichols paid a visit to Mr. Spock himself in the Oval Office. Live long and prosper, to both of you.

The Moonie Times has a scandalous exclusive!
At an Associated Press luncheon, the news organization's board chairman
serenaded President Obama with an "icky love song." That description,
from an objective Washington Times reporter, should be taken at face
value.

Bam! Keith Olbermann was shown the door at Current TV late last week. Al Gore and other executives had had it with the former MSNBC host and fired him a year into a five-year and $50 million contract. Now Keith is suing. Please let us know when the next teevee executive hires you, Keith. That will be the day.

Interweb Tomfoolery

Pinterest has made a name for itself among the social media giants.
It’s become an amazing tool for business and consumers and continues to
drive a serious amount of traffic. Now, there’s Pinerly,
a new analytics tool that can tell you how well your Pinterest campaign
is performing. More than 35,000 users have already signed up and it’s
only been available to the general public for a week! So what are you
waiting for? Head on over to Pinerly
and create an account. You can also submit your ideas and comments to
the company. They do listen to suggestions and feedback. Trust us!

Beliebers around the world had the chance to listen to the new single by engaging Justin on Twitter.
Our Biebs is using social media effectively, once again. We’re giving
him a (digital) high-five and letting him know about an upcoming Turner Central
hit. (Stay tuned peeps -- we will soon be releasing our own single).
Okay, back to Justin. What is his secret to his social media success?
Besides regular updates related to his music and performances, Bieber
often tweets photos and other tidbits about his life. This allows
Bieber to present himself as an authentic, regular person, just like his
fans. Biebs: Turner Central is cheering for you. (Okay, uh, not all
of us are).

Shameless Self-Promotion

Our apologies for not posting this last week! Former Turner staffer Theresa Farrage recently appeared
on The Morning Blend (Omaha) to discuss a fashion show that benefited
urban community building and reconciliation programs. Way to go,
Theresa!

Out on the Town

Some of you have already jetted out of town for the weekend. For those staying behind, here are a few suggestions:

Survivors of the Rwandan Genocide will lead a remembrance event on the Mall on Sunday.

Scorecard

Is Rick Santorum's pow-wow with conservatives a sign that he'll drop out
before the primary in his beloved Pennsylvania? Sadly for Rick,
Mittens has already turned the page and crowned himself the nomination.
Seamus is no doubt rolling in his grave.