There is nothing I love more than leisurely efficiency. Except maybe not being wasteful at the same time. Because rescue fantasies. Presenting: My morning breakfast/face mask routine.

Skill level: Pre-Beginner

Time Requirement: 25 minutes (Give or take an hour for ADD)

Ingredients: 5 eggs, 1 bowlful of spinach, a pinch or two of truffle salt (depending on taste/how much of it awkwardly clings to your finger pads), and a grind or three of pepper.

Steps:

1. Separate the yolks/whites of 4 eggs.

2. Scramble the remaining egg with the 4 whites on whichever level of heat you think will get you to where you want to go. I went with a medium-low. Mostly to give my ADD time to remember I was cooking something.

3. Sprinkle with truffle salt and mix with spinach. Proceed to pepper as you please.

4. Beat the egg yolks into submission and then let ‘em sit for a couple minutes while you eat a few bites. Because you’re probably hungry, and the yolks probably need a little time to toughen up a tiny bit.

5. If you haven’t washed your face yet, you should do that. Preferably with warm water to open up those (hopefully/I wish) invisible pores.

6. Spread the egg yolk all over your face in circular motions. (Yay for improving circulation.)

7. Let it sit for twenty minutes. You can continue to eat breakfast during this time, but be careful not to flavor it with yolkage. Because salmonella isn’t spectacular. Except for dieting in the crash-iest of forms.

This morning, I took this time as an opportunity to show my mama’s chickens exactly what it is that we do with their daily offerings.

…Henrietta’s so hard to impress.

8. Your mask should be looking a little crackly by now. Rinse with warm water annnnd you’re done! (Sometimes it gets a little sticky around the hairline. Literally. So there’s that.)

(Crackle. Crackle.)

Results: Full stomach and firmer skin. Yes, please!

Breakdown of egg yolk face mask benefits: Vitamin B2 helps alleviate stress aka acne. Vitamin B3 gets circulation flowing. Zinc boosts the immune system, which can help on the acne side of things as well, if that happens to be an issue. Vitamin A takes on scarring with a cluck-worthy vengeance.