Tuesday, 26 January 2016

How to Fix the Mother in Me?

To Be or Not to Be That is the QuestionEvery
night in the lame attempts of falling asleep, the same chain of thoughts start
to cripple my head. We all have failed at some point of time in our lives;
failed as a person, as a professional or a student. But how would it be to feel
like a failure as a mother? This is the one thing in the world which makes
every woman feel divine. Since childhood we are taught, by our society and
movies, how great a mother is. But I often end up asking myself, is motherhood
divine or a duty?

The common
mistake we make as a society is to postulate that just by giving birth to a
child, one has achieved great heights as human-being. Truly a woman undergoes
lot of physical and psychological changes from the day she conceives, and it
needs courage. But did the child force you to bring her to the world? No. Having
a child was a choice that we made as adults. We knew what we are getting into.
There is nothing divine in taking that decision. What we do afterwards in
raising our child that makes all the difference.

Like most of the
middle class families, I thought staying at home when I and my husband both can
work is to cut down our income in half and that gave me a sense of financial
crunch. I resumed work after maternity leave, but soon realized that the
corporate world doesn’t give a balance between work and family life. Each
passing day I got lesser time for my kid. Then we moved to a foreign country for
the career advancement of my husband. Here the working hours are even more
stringent. I got a full-time helper. But back in our hometown when I was working,
my kid had her grandparents looking after her along with the nanny. I can’t rely
just on a stranger with my kid. So the divine mother lets go the extra income for
her offspring! But what happens after that?

I have always
been a working woman. My mind is a monster when it has no professional work to
do. Staying at home made me realize that children can make any task, as simple as
getting them dressed, looks like a rocket science. They seek attention and how!
Listening their nonstop blabbering, taking care of their endless needs, giving
them undivided attention, and taking their tantrums is not a child’s play. But
isn’t that something I got myself committed to when I decided to go for a child?
I have this realization but yet I fail everyday in giving what it takes. I
remember the instances when I scolded my daughter badly instead of talking her
into understanding my point, or when I was rough with her just because I have
nothing mindful to do in the whole day. I promise myself to be more patient
tomorrow. But the next day when she gives me a hard time, in other words behaves
like a child, I again lose my
patience.Good Enough Mother

I know the change has to come within me. I need to be a mother.
I won’t say “a good mother,” because I believe there is nothing like a good or
a bad mother. Being a mother itself means giving unconditional love and
nurturance to your child. I don’t commit to being an extremely patient mother or
a super human which I am not. You don’t fail because you scold you child; you
fail when you don’t give them the time and efforts they deserve. Children always
reflect the mood we are in. If you are annoyed, be prepared for your child to
give you the toughest time. So what do I do? I take baby steps. I started by
giving her one dedicated hour a day apart from the time I give for her daily
cores. During this one hour, I read her stories, play with her like a child and
talk to her. Even a tiniest improvement in the right direction is a success.
And believe me, your child will recognize your efforts and it will show in his/her
behavior too.

Ode to Motherhood So let’s start! Join me in the journey if the shoe hurts you at
the same place. Or even if I am alone in the world who feels this way, I am
fine. Motherhood was never meant to be teamwork. Because there can be no mother
to your child except you. :-)

2 comments:

It's a brilliant post. Written from the heart and it reflects the dilemma every woman faces this days. Professional work makes a woman impatient and (a little angry) because anger as an emotion has utility in professional world. But when the woman is around the child, all she MUST feel is LOVE. The stitch is not always easy and takes the hell of effort. Great initiative Payal Desai. I look forward to read more of your posts on this critical topic Art of Being a Mother.