Genetic variant means some people in recruitment are wankers

Scientists have identified a genetic variant that appears to make some individuals engaged in the recruitment of temporary staff predisposed to be ‘wankers’.

‘Professor Andraven’ had this to say about his findings “‘The wanker’ will standout amongst his peers,for instance his most likely to fit a certain sterotype, with accurate screening we have managed to fit a profile of said ‘wanker’, it is likely to be a HE although we have evidence there are ‘she wankers’ out there too, his likely to under 30, he will most certainly be considered a ‘ jack the lad ‘ by his contemporaries , he will ruthlessly backstab,lie,bribe,threaten, his way to a commission.”

Unemployed IT Technician Matt Aldridge said “ I had a wanker phone me the other day he was very convincing, he had me fooled that I was perfect for a role he had in Aberdeen, I pointed out that was like 500 miles away from my location in London and asked if he had taken the time to read my cv , he said he had then menacingly asked me why I felt I was qualifed for the proposed role, I told him I don’t know anything about it you phoned me, but undeterred he carried on and asked what hourly rate would I expect, when I said there’s no amount of money to get me to Aberdeen he said I will put you down for £15 a hour, he then said he was certain that I would get the contract and to not deal with any other agencies whilst he ‘sealed the deal’, I never heard from him again.

Ex-recruitment consultant Stephen Whiting said “I knew something was up when I felt a surge of adrenline everytime I sent someone on a contract they clearly weren’t qualified to do or wanted to do, I didn’t twig there was anything wrong with me until one of the girls here jokingly said “you really are a heartless wanker” after I sent a 62 year old lesbian vegetarian to work at a slaughterhouse for a day, it was then I decided to go for a screening and had it confirmed I had the recruitment consultant wanker gene, im pleased to say ive turned my back on recruitment as the gene continues to ravage my body and mind, im currently in the process of retraining to be an estate agent.”

Professor Andraven warned hanging up would only annoy them into leaving countless messages on your voicemail and raping your email inbox with urgent requests that you get in contact, he suggests you engage in conversation but quickly determine you want an asburd hourly rate, that will see them make a hurried end to the call and move on to the next victim, he concluded.