I'm a guy. I've been single most of my life. Through high school, college, uni and work I've attracted girls that had boyfriends. It's funny because the first thing they feel inclined to say is "i have a boyfriend". They then flirt, add me on facebook and/or make sexual suggestions. When i no longer show any interest they give up and remove me from facebook or show frustration/aggression.

I've always been confused by this. Most of the girls in question are still with their boyfriends. Did they want a relationship? Or just a fling? I've come to the conclusion that they were probably happy in their relationships but just wanted some 'side action' and i was the guy they picked. Coming from a perpetually single guy, it's shocking that this happens and puts me off relationships.

Is my reaction justified? What do you make of relationships in relation to cheating? Is this common?

Polygamy was once a societal norm in ancient times
for example, the more wives a man had, the more powerful he was perceived

Cultural: Harem etc

Western Religious: Catholic marriage is a sacrament yet the CofE adopted divorce, therefore devaluing the sacrament of the vow of monogamy.

In contemporary times, Hollywood placed an emphasis on love stories & romantic comedies, even Disney made us believe in "happy ever after"

From a personal standpoint, this friend with benefits and Netflix and chill culture hasn't helped the situation if you're trying to be monogamous.
Technology is a blessing and a curse: Online dating & hook up sites make it easier to "cheat"

Take into account the type of girls they are, their age, their sense of entitlement and privilege, their integrity... Same for the opposite sex.

Thing is, morally our society acts so scandalised when someone is outed as a cheat but these same hypocrites end up doing it themselves!

People have all sorts of reasons for doing it from just being selfish to needing the attention and validation. Some are missing excitement and passion, some seek out a side person to explore sexual fantasy, some are oversexed and unsatisfied...

It's easy to say if you're not happy in a relationship then leave yet people panic, maybe through fear of being alone or maybe because there are children involved.

I've been on both sides of the fence and I can't explain the emotional rollercoaster of either end of the spectrum.

If you're so disillusioned that suggests to me that you're a good one! Whilst you may open up yourself to hurt or being used remember life is too short so don't rule out anything based on a what if.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I've never led someone on while I was in a relationship with someone else. occasionally, i might flirt with a stranger, but I wouldn't actually do anything.
I think cheating is common, especially amongst young people, and technology makes it easier. My ex was cheating on someone with the entire time we were together, and used dating sites (thats how we met) to cheat on his partner. I found out thanks to technology, but it's a double edged sword

(Original post by midnightsun159)
I can't speak for anyone else, but I've never led someone on while I was in a relationship with someone else. occasionally, i might flirt with a stranger, but I wouldn't actually do anything.
I think cheating is common, especially amongst young people, and technology makes it easier. My ex was cheating on someone with the entire time we were together, and used dating sites (thats how we met) to cheat on his partner. I found out thanks to technology, but it's a double edged sword

Here's pretty much proof that a cheating culture exists. This poster disapproves of cheating yet thinks its ok to "flirt with a stranger"

Interestingly I think society has become more polygamous but the idea of an open relationship and other stuff like swinging is still taboo and would be considered quite weird.

Unless you find "the one" I think people should at least talk about the idea of a polygamous relationship in the public conversation otherwise we're going to continue being miserable and have so many divorces.

Cheating in the grand scale of things is the effect of suppressing conversations about polygamy

(Original post by michaelmyers)
Here's pretty much proof that a cheating culture exists. This poster disapproves of cheating yet thinks its ok to "flirt with a stranger"

Everyone has to set their own limits within a relationship. For me, if a partner flirts with their waitress at a restaurant, it's not cheating. If he checks out a cute girl, it's not cheating. (I would be checking her out too). if i had a partner who said flirting with someone youll never see again is cheating, then I wouldn't do it. To be fair, I'm both gregarious and oblivious, so sometimes I come across as flirting because i dont know someone else is flirting with me.

(Original post by midnightsun159)
Everyone has to set their own limits within a relationship. For me, if a partner flirts with their waitress at a restaurant, it's not cheating. If he checks out a cute girl, it's not cheating. (I would be checking her out too). if i had a partner who said flirting with someone youll never see again is cheating, then I wouldn't do it. To be fair, I'm both gregarious and oblivious, so sometimes I come across as flirting because i dont know someone else is flirting with me.

Hmm okay. I think you sort of back up my main point that the lines have become blurred, and you're probably one of the few willing to even acknowledge such boundaries

(Original post by michaelmyers)
Hmm okay. I think you sort of back up my main point that the lines have become blurred, and you're probably one of the few willing to even acknowledge such boundaries

I think what you've described the girls who add you on facebook doing is some form of cheating. I saw the term come up the other day called "micro cheating" which I think you might find interesting. https://www.google.com/search?q=micr...aYx6HAAQ_1:167 from what I know about girls and friends in my life, these girl's behaviours are strange. Maybe you just happen to be a magnet for them? or maybe it's because they're young and selfish and don't think?

(Original post by midnightsun159)
I think what you've described the girls who add you on facebook doing is some form of cheating. I saw the term come up the other day called "micro cheating" which I think you might find interesting. https://www.google.com/search?q=micr...aYx6HAAQ_1:167 from what I know about girls and friends in my life, these girl's behaviours are strange. Maybe you just happen to be a magnet for them? or maybe it's because they're young and selfish and don't think?

Interesting. Im 17 so yeah I know a few of these types but I think the motives are quite ulterior. Cheating naturally vilified but guys and girls who do this will often tell you how bad cheating is and yet they do it themselves. I think many dont want to admit it but theyd be happier in an open ended relationship but of course its seen as promiscuous and unacceptable. We've become infatuated with the idea of "the one" but is there really such a thing? The divorce rates alone is proof

(Original post by michaelmyers)
Interesting. Im 17 so yeah I know a few of these types but I think the motives are quite ulterior. Cheating naturally vilified but guys and girls who do this will often tell you how bad cheating is and yet they do it themselves. I think many dont want to admit it but theyd be happier in an open ended relationship but of course its seen as promiscuous and unacceptable. We've become infatuated with the idea of "the one" but is there really such a thing? The divorce rates alone is proof

I don't believe in "the one" or "soul mates". the issue with people is they get married for the wrong reasons. They got pregnant, or they're young and in love, and those aren't what makes a marriage work. You don't know what you want at 18, much less who you are. some people who marry young make it work, but for most, the person you married becomes a stranger 10 years later and you two didn't have the maturity or skills to make it work.

1. The most desirable women are more likely to have a boyfriend at any given time.

2. It's up to you how you react to the news that a girl has a boyrfriend.

3. For me it would all depend on the context.

4. Most young men are not good boyfriends. Crap in bed / boring / insecure / not cool / overly possesive / immature / too dishonest and unreliable.

5. If I knew and liked the boyfriend I'd be much less open to starting a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. If I knew and disliked the boyfriend, or didn't know him at all, I'd act as my best version of myself to outcompete them with the result that something might develop between me and the young woman.
6. Many women with boyfriends instinctively know that they could do better. I don't blame them one bit for wanting to find a better man.

(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
There's the cliche: all is fair in love and war.

1. The most desirable women are more likely to have a boyfriend at any given time.

2. It's up to you how you react to the news that a girl has a boyrfriend.

3. For me it would all depend on the context.

4. Most young men are not good boyfriends. Crap in bed / boring / insecure / not cool / overly possesive / immature / too dishonest and unreliable.

5. If I knew and liked the boyfriend I'd be much less open to starting a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. If I knew and disliked the boyfriend, or didn't know him at all, I'd act as my best version of myself to outcompete them with the result that something might develop between me and the young woman.
6. Many women with boyfriends instinctively know that they could do better. I don't blame them one bit for wanting to find a better man.

(Original post by BrandonHH97)
You have no problem with cheating then?

It depends on the context.

In the context of this thread I'd have no problem with sleeping with a young woman who was cheating on her boyfriend, as long as the boyfriend wasn't someone that I knew and liked. That's for the practical reason of me not wanting to turn a friend into an enemy.

I'd be pleased if I helped move a woman from an unfullfilling relationship onto a more fulfilling one. I'd be helping the woman.

(Original post by michaelmyers)
Here's pretty much proof that a cheating culture exists. This poster disapproves of cheating yet thinks its ok to "flirt with a stranger"

I think it depends on your personality. If you are a naturally flirty person with guys and girls, then it's not a big deal to flirt with a stranger. adding them on FB, etc is crossing the line. but chatting to someone and harmless banter flirting is not that big a deal

In the context of this thread I'd have no problem with sleeping with a young woman who was cheating on her boyfriend, as long as the boyfriend wasn't someone that I knew and liked. That's for the practical reason of me not wanting to turn a friend into an enemy.

I'd be pleased if I helped move a woman from an unfullfilling relationship onto a more fulfilling one. I'd be helping the woman.

I'm a realist, not an idealist.

If you're a decent person, you'd go nowhere near some Girl who has a BF, not out of respect for her, as clearly shes a disgrace. But out of respect for the guy, whether you like/dislike them.. And no I've not been cheated on I just think morality seems to have gone outta the window lately, which is a shame!

(Original post by BrandonHH97)
If you're a decent person, you'd go nowhere near some Girl who has a BF, not out of respect for her, as clearly shes a disgrace. But out of respect for the guy, whether you like/dislike them.. And no I've not been cheated on I just think morality seems to have gone outta the window lately, which is a shame!

No, the woman is not a disgrace. She'd be acting in an a logical and reasonable manner. Wanting to improve the romantic relationship side of her life is a very sensible thing to do.

Why should I, or anyone else respect a man that is not giving his girlfriend a fulfilling (enough) relationship?
That type of man deserves to be cheated on or dumped.

A girlfriend is not anyone's possession! A girlfriend is a fellow adult human being. Who is free to do as she pleases with her body at any time.

Moralty? No one is being done any direct harm in the scenario in this thread.

A girl approached me last time i went clubbing [which was quite a while ago] and came very close to cheating on her bf with me. I didn't even know she had a bf until she mentioned him and pointed to him, and I turned round and there was some short guy in glasses just patiently waiting there.

That is cuck like behavior imo. I don't know why he was just waiting there like that quietly.

also a huge proportion of people on Tinder are already in relationships. Honestly, unless you're just looking for sex don't bother using it....

Society is far more interconnected than ever before, which means there are more options. Throw in increasingly liberal attitudes torwards sex and relationships and you've got an ideal environment for cheating.