Main navigation

Overcoming Our Greatest Fear

What is our greatest fear? It all comes back to the fear of rejection. We continue an empowering conversation that will help you see the true source of your own feelings of rejection. You can listen to Part 2 of the WROAR Radio broadcast of “No One Can Reject You … Except You” with co-hosts JK and Deeone and our special guest Lisa.

Overcoming Our Greatest Fear

Fear of rejection is our greatest fear. Fear of rejection began with the 60,000 NO’s that we heard from age two to five. Each of those NO’s was felt as a rejection to our innocent, naive minds. Even if it was a loving NO, “No honey, don’t touch that – you’ll cut yourself!” … it felt like you’d been rejected.

The fear of rejection is a primitive fear that began when people were living in small, survival communities and dwelling in caves. You couldn’t afford to be rejected and cast out from the community or you’d be surely eaten by a saber-tooth tiger. It was valid to fear rejection back then!

Times have changed. There are no saber-tooth tigers lurking in bushes anymore. It’s time to stop falling back and start springing forward.

Congratulations! You are now taking a fabulous positive step toward learning what stops you from fulfilling on your dreams. You are looking at the primal force that dampens your confidence and destroys your personal initiative – your fear of rejection.

The basic fear of rejection can show up in many forms:

Fear of criticism.

Fear of failure.

Fear of success.

Fear of public speaking.

Fear of trying out for the cheerleader squad or football team …

All of these fears, and infinitely more, are initiated by the fear of rejection.

Fear of rejection tears down your natural self-confidence. Nothing could stop the confident child that you experienced yourself being … and then came the Terrible Two’s. When the Terrible Two’s came, you were hit with an onslaught of NO’s and your confidence waned. This is why the Two’s are so Terrible!

By age five, you lost your natural sense of self-confidence and went from, “WOW is me, I am confident and free” to “WOE is me, what can I do to be accepted and liked, so I may avoid any further rejection?”

HERE IS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF THIS PSYCHOLOGICAL PUZZLE. Understand this, and you are on your way to resolving your fear of rejection: The pain of rejection comes not from being rejected by others … it comes from rejecting yourself!

The pain of rejection comes not from being rejected by others

… It comes from rejecting yourself.

Now you have the missing piece of the puzzle. When others reject you and you don’t take it personally – it doesn’t hurt you. When others reject you and you do take it personally – you participate in the rejection and reject yourself (put yourself down). Therein lies the pain; therein lies the fear that you are not good enough.

Why do you think so many people (almost everyone) is so hell-bent on looking good and being right? It’s because they fear rejection.

President Obama is fighting for his political life – and what is his biggest strategy? He is working with all of his might to look good and be right about his political philosophy. And he is also trying to make Romney look bad and be wrong about his political philosophy. And of course, Romney is doing the same thing.

Wow, if the most powerful men in the world are caught up in the fear of rejection – you can see how contagious this fear is. You can see how it strikes everyone in some domain of his or her life.

If you think that you can rid yourself of all rejection – you’re not being practical or realistic.

If you think you can rid yourself of the pain of rejection, and therefore rid yourself of your fear of rejection – Yes, Yes, Yes, you can!

A prime purpose of my blogs, a prime purpose of my Thursday eve blog talk-show radio broadcast, a prime purpose of my books, a prime purpose of most self-help blogs and self-help books are to help you rid yourself of the pain of rejection so you may rid yourself of the fear of rejection.

I know what the fear of rejection feels like. When I quit teaching, after 17 years, to get rich in real estate (which seemed like an insane dream to my family, friends, work colleagues, and even casual acquaintances), I was rejected on many fronts. Wow, it stung!

SHOW THE WAY TO OTHERS, ROB, AND YOU’LL DISCOVER THE WAY YOURSELF. I have been showing others how to rid themselves of the fear of rejection for many years. I have discovered new ways along the journey. I shall continue to show you many ways, so I may discover many more ways. Thank you, all of you, for participating with me on this incredible journey.

A TEACHERS MOST IMPORTANT STUDENT IS HIMSELF. Will you offer a comment to teach others how you’ve overcome the fear of rejection. Remember – you are your most important student. You learn what you teach.

Thank you and blessings

“Best Comment of the Week.” This weeks best comments come from Hiten Vyas of Empowering You to Be Your Best and Salty Sailor Man. Thank you for your heartfelt sharing. See their comments here. Illustrations by nick

Reader Interactions

Comments

OMG… !! I couldnt wait to get on and comment today! I swear Deeone and me are total soulmates!! 🙂 In high school my guidance coucilar just told me to try to go to the state school down the street and do something practical like accounting. Even then I new I wanted to work in TV or Hollywood Promotions, anything to do with the kind of TMZ marketing world. If she was listening to me she would have directed me to like a top notch media and communications school where I would have been exposed to the world of marketing and media. Life could be very different if I didnt reject MYSELF as a ditz! I was just playing the role of a popular girl who doesnt really take initiative or think for myself! UGHGHHG!!!!! what a waste. It makes me so angry at her (the counciler) that she could just pigeon hole me and couldnt look beyond the surface. It still rankles me. But listening last night I TOTALLY got it is all on me. I rejected myself back then and still reject myself with the dumb blonde act. Great stuff everyone. I never realized how scared I was of rejection. Like if people knew the real me who is smart and driven I do fear I’ll be rejected by the people who know me best. Well, its time to get over that and get to the next level in my life… OK world here I come.. REJECT ME PLEASE!!! 🙂 Im sooooo over acceptance 🙂

Hi kara. “I was just playing the role of a popular girl who doesnt really take initiative or think for myself!” … Yes, this is classic ‘fear of rejection’ behavior. The more popular we are, the more we fear being unpopular (being rejected).

Hi Kara, whoops, I didn’t finish what I was saying above. When we meditate on who we truly are, and cherish it – we no longer want others to think for us. We choose above all else to think for ourselves. Nice noticement, Kara. Thank you.

This was a liberating and empowering episode, Rob! Most of us, get rejected in some way, and rarely ever take the time to recognize we have to give the rejection power in order for it to work in our lives. It is so much easier to point the blame onto other people for our inferiority, than it is to take responsibility for our part in the rejection. And trust me, I had become a Master at blaming others for the situations and circumstances I would find myself in – It was easier, but it didn’t serve me the way I thought it would serve me. It blocked me and kept me chained to the story I was telling myself, and the story I was telling myself – none of them were “my story.” They were all stories I had on loan from other people rejecting me. I now know that I will never advance in life, unless I let go of the story other people told me about myself. I take full responsibility for accepting and reinforcing the refection, and I give myself permission to let go of the rejection and the pain it caused me in the past – and because of that permission I have given myself, I am free of the need to be accepted. It might not happen overnight, but as long as I believe that and continue to remind myself of this truth – each day will be a liberating one. I look forward to part 3 of this series, my friend. If this has helped me the way it has – I can only imagine what it’s doing for others! Thank you for being such an awesome teacher, Rob! Your gifts are certainly making room for you, my friend.

Hi Deeone. Taking responsibility for accepting and REINFORCING the rejection – that’s a big one, isn’t it. The caterpillar withdraws into its cocoon with the beautiful butterfly pattern contained within it … and THEN! That is the ‘and THEN’ that is transforming your beingness from deep within, Deeone. Keep going. Blessings

It seems like part of the process is to first accept responsibility for your part in things (willingness to see clearly). After that, you can look upon rejection and KNOW in your heart if there is truth to be examined there or not. Over time and practice, it becomes easier to slough off any comments that you know do not pertain to you. For the rest, you can investigate what untruths are being dug up for you to examine. Thanks everyone for another great show!

Hi Julie. Looking at the rejection and KNOWING IN YOUR HEART – that’s the big part, isn’t it Julie. It is a sad mistake to regard yourself as inferior. A sad, sad mistake. I’m glad you’ve awakened to this. Blessings

Rob: I love the pictures they are awesome and make your post beautiful! I learned a lot from reading this post very informative. I have the fear of public speaking because of a stammer that I have. I started taking speech therapy sessions, but I don’t know man. It have learned some new techniques, but when school starts back I hope I do not let the pain of rejection get to me. If only I completely did not care what people thought about me . . .

Hi William. You have a stammer in your mind problem, and it is causing a stammer when you speak. Might I remind you that the ‘light of life’ that shines bright inside of you has no stammer, and is waiting for you to relax a little more so it can express through you. Allow the strength of your original nature to stand forth with full reign, William. You will love what pours forth! Blessings

Rob: You are absolutely right! A big part of why I have a stammer is because of the mindset that I have built up over the years. I am not trying to block out my negative thoughts or erase them, but just take time to examine them and their purpose.
Most of the time, a little relaxion is all that I need. One day though, the light inside of me will shine bright and I will correct my mindset. All I need is patience, patience and more patience.

Hi Rob, your story about your mother conjured up some vivid memories for me. I can remember a few times I felt rejected by my mother even though the situation was totally mundane and ordinary. I would burst into the room when she was on the phone or having a private talk with my Dad and she would shoosh me away. She had every right to do it and wasnt hostile, but it was still enough for me to feel rejected! I guess thats just part of growing up. It’s not realistic to blame things on our parents because there is no end to the things they could have done better. By all accounts my parents were hard working and loving. Sure they had their idiosyncracies and hangups but nothing traumatizing. Yet, I still feel the urge to blame them for not being raised like a Kennedy! 🙂 These days I reject myself for not being a good enough father. Instead of worrying about being a perfect parent, I think it is more important to teach my kids self-confidence and let them know that it never matters if you feel rejected as long as you are trying your best… That will get me off the hook if I happen to “shoosh” them away in a moment of agitation 🙂

Hi Roger. AH, the ‘shooshing away’ technique. Indeed ‘shooshing’ can be damaging, though it is not meant to be. The sins of the father are passed on to the children of the seventh generation – all of them ‘shooshing’ and unknowingly causing pain to their children. How joyous the surge of truth can be if we use it wisely. Like you intend to do, right Roger? Thank you

Having three teenage kids in my house – I have, several times, noted how this idea of “fear of rejection” affects them. On the one hand, they (in general) are encouraged to try new things. On the other, though, is all this fear – about how I look, how I perform, what will others think, etc.

And that stays with us – as we get older – it’s just that there typically aren’t as many people in our lives encouraging us to try new things. So, it becomes more about what really and truly matters to us – and if we can get over those fears and give it a go.

And the thing is – I’ve found that while others may say things – it’s typically quickly forgotten by others. And really – it’s how we feel about ourselves, anyway. And how will I “really” feel – years from now – if I don’t listen to those heart whispers…

Great, great thoughts Rob – that what I love about coming here – how it makes me think more deeply…

Hi lance. I like your thoughts here. You kind of ramble in a wise way. Insightful. Because the truth is eternal, we can overcome our ‘fear of rejection’ today as easily as men (and women) did two thousand years ago. Actually easier, because we have learned so much more about the psychology of being human. You are living testimony to this, Lance. thank you

You really have put this topic into perspective by clearly separating rejection into its component parts – someone else rejecting us, and then we partaking in our own rejection. This implies it takes to two to reject! 🙂 With this knowledge, let others reject if they wish to. We have the understanding and ability to not play ‘that game’.

Hi Hiten. ‘It takes two to reject’. I like that, Hiten. As we give and give and give more of ourselves as an expression of acceptance, we participate less and less in the process of rejection, don’t we, Hiten. Thank you

Hi Rob, I’ve always been the social butterfly type but never correlated a fear of rejection with my urge to be a people person. Being social and well liked comes easy to me, but after hearing the show and reading this I can see that how it is fear of rejection that brings it out in me. It is important for me to be liked by everyone I meet. If I can’t win them over it upsets me and I do hold on to it for a while. I never really considered why this is. If my social connections all vanished I would be at a loss. I think I work hard (harder than I ever realized) to maintain these relationships. This has been an eyeopener for me. Thanks team ROAR!

I have realis(ed) that I did or said things so I can be liked and look forward to the praise (I have done here) whilst in one sense it feels good to hear praise, which I did lack as a child, never can I remember being praised.
Invariably as an adult I did everything and went out of my way so I COULD hear people say, or imagine them after leaving thier presence what good things they would say about me, and I found myself intently wanting to praise others especially children when the opportunity arises to say “well done” or words to the effect, cause I knew the importance and the effect those words heard especially to a child.
If I keep expecting it from others and do anything in my power to get it, how is it going to help me? What if after I went out of my way to please, and I don’t get the praise, how would that leave me? Hurt and REJECTED !
I have however slowly let go of the pain of rejection, by accepting me and adopt the “I don’t care what you think about me” attitude, I love me NOW for who I am and if my best wasn’t good enough for you that’s okay, because I know In gave you myself my authentic self who is a marvellously made child of infinite intelligence of love, beauty and creation, I KNOW.
I use to worry about when my neighbour saw me and didn’t say hello, or when I text/call a friend and didn’t get a reply, the why’s, oh! she doesn’t like me any more, what I’ve I done? did I say something to her the last time that upset her? etc, or what a client really thought of my service, was I good enough? Did I do my best? She hasn’t called back to make another appointment? Didn’t get a text to say what a wonderful job I did!, oh my! it USE to play havoc in my mind for days, and a week or so later I get a wave, or a reply text or none at all. I realised I desperatly wanted to be liked and feared not liked (REJECTION).
Although there are other aspects e.g. career in my life that the fear of rejection still somehow exist, I know what they are and where they come from, but like rob said, keep at the mis-takes don’t fight our reject them accept and appreciate them for what they are (learning) and only then can you be the master of them all.
Thank you rob for your “words” thus “reach” !

Hi Tinu. I sense there is something sad stirring inside of you. I also sense the beautiful view from which you see the world when you are awake to the truth about life and you. The truth that awakens you, Tinu, is that life is light, and light is love. Your mind is the vessel that lets in the light, and your heart is the vessel that receives the love so that you may stand forth and express yourself fully – thus, feeling truly alive! This is the precious jewel that we all seek, isn’t it Tinu. Thank you for your honesty.

Hi Rob — I think it’s definitely useful to look at how deeply the fear of being rejected can control every aspect of our lives — my sense from my own explorations is that, since the sense that someone doesn’t want to be with me can create such a visceral reaction in my body, it’s almost as if the perception that we’re being rejected brings us back to the ultimate experience of “rejection” — being separated from our mothers at birth. I’ve found that seeing it that way actually puts it into some useful perspective for me.

Hi Chris. YES, the ultimate rejection is when they sever the umbilical cord and we feel rejected by the Supreme Goddess (our mother). I imagine this is an experience that would be extraordinary to understand when it happens. And yet, we burst forth into life ready to do the work that we are here to do … and progress onwards toward greater and greater works. The baby does not approach life timidly, in spite of the severing of the umbilical cord. “Let me at life – I’m ready,” chants the child. Thank you, Chris.

Hey brother man. Yeah rejection sucks and it stinks. If anyone says they don’t care about rejection I dare say they are a-lyin’! I make it a point to just accept everyone because I know how bad it feels to be an outcast. The laws of the universe tell me that there is no separation and we are all one in the same, but the laws of the street say you got to be one thing or the other. I don’t why that is, but it is reality. Even within a neighborhood we all naturally find cliques and micro cliques and so forth and so on until there is one clique thats just me and Iggy (my pet iguana). Even I know that I would reject someone else that tried to impinge on our special relationship (maybe thats why I’m single!). I think the best things we can do as humans living on earth is practice awareness and compassion. I don’t have to let everyone into my home but I damn well make sure to let everyone into my heart!

Hi Rus. The creation of smaller and smaller cliques – more and more rejection. Wow, nice catch, Rus. I like that insight. Understanding of rejection must come before genuine acceptance can come. Thank you.

Its funny when I think about how my own fear of rejection shaped who I am today. Never thought of it like that before. I think that in our High School and pre-teen adolescent years everyone is so terrified of not fitting in somewhere, that fitting in ANYWHERE becomes priority number one. That why there are so many social circles and cliques within a high school. You know, you got jocks, nerds, overachievers, arty kids and immigrants. I was a “band geek” and I always turned to music because it was my one unique thing where I fit in. Before I started my own band, I played saxophone in the school band. Even branching out to start my own band was driven by an urge to “fit in”. I just created my own village that nobody could reject me from!

Hi John. ‘The Urge To Fit In’ is clearly a reaction to rejection. The urge to quietly merge that all may be one – now that is entirely another thing, isn’t it. The manna of the Holy Spirit is the energy of the ‘Whole Spirit’ isn’t it? This is healthy energy. Thank you for bringing this out of me. Blessings

I’ll soften my stance a little bit after hearing some of your personal stories on the ROAR show. I can see where innocuous rejections from society, parents, friends etc can stick with us. There was a time I wanted to be a Naval Architect, but slowly let go of that dream because I was told by a 3rd grade teacher I needed to be great at math. I’ve always struggled at math. It is an excellent point you make. It was me and only me who accepted the idea that I was inadequate at math. If I was totally driven I wouldnt have heard it. I would have thought the advice illogical. Especially at that age, I should have thought “what does math have to do with boats!” Eventually my dream of being an elite boat designer and boat builder dwindled to just wanting to have a job working with boats. I wouldnt change a thing about my life, but I’ll admit, there is a big difference between being a Naval Architect and working in the Boat Yard. Turned out working in the boat yard honed my practical math skills… ya know… measure twice, cut once… Ca la vie… On the positive side, I guarantee that the Boatyard life is a Helluva lot more fun than the office of an architect!

Hi Salty. Thank you for sharing this slice of your life. Many of our readers will be able to identify with it in their own unique way. Far above human weakness is the real you, and you have proven this to yourself and to the world time and time again. Yes, we can solve any problem, no matter how many times it torments us, and you are a living witness to this fact. I admire you. Thank you

Another great post, Rob! Enjoyed the discussion that is going on here.

I find that the fear of rejection arises because of the belief that we are not good enough. And so, we fear being rejected by others. Ultimately, we have to know that we are good enough – no matter what – and to value and accept ourselves fully. We cannot expect others to embrace us when we don’t even embrace ourselves internally.

Hi Evelyn. In what domains of life do you still worry about not being good enough? It happens to all of us (me too). We can clear away this painful emotional condition, no matter how stubborn it may be, when we persist with the truth – ‘we are marvelously made beings and plenty good enough to experience all that is good and beautiful’. Thank you for sharing.

Hi Rob. I think Evelyn makes a salient point. I just maybe a “rejection denier.” When I do feel rejected I respond with a big WHATEVER kind-of ‘sour grapes” attitude. It makes me feel ok at first, but the truth is I have a little bit of denial going on. I tell myself I dont care and I have better things to do. But the more I think about it, I see that I really am hurt. All I’m doing is rejecting them back so I can have the upper hand. It’s a little whacky. I reject them and put them down in my mind and come up with a whole list of reasons why they are jerks and I’m better off without them. I think there is some truth in it. We can just try to force relationships that arent healthy. But I’m starting to see my responses are not as wise as I initially thought. I have to get better at responding peacefully to rejection. If I was really OK with being rejected I wouldnt come up with a laundry list of petty grievences. Its good to start seeing there is a difference and hopefully I can do better and be more in tune with my inner harmony.

Ho Alicia. a ‘rejection denier’. I like that label. It says a lot. After making contact with the authentic part of ourselves, we need not deny rejection because there is no part of us that feels rejected. That’s the great news, isn’t it. Nice comment. Thank you

A Course in Miracles says “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I love reading your posts and also the comments, which reflect such wild excitement over your message–I think that’s terrific.

Hi Galen. The Course in Miracles help one to understand the truth about herself, and understanding offers peace, doesn’t it. There are no exceptions to the unwanted conditions one can toss out of her life when she understands the truth about herself. Thank you for noticing the enthusiasm with which the blog community comments. Blessings

Ha ha. I love this topic Rob. I reject myself ALL the time! Man, sometimes it sucks taking 100% responsibility for my life 🙂 ! I can’t even blame pretty girls for rejecting me anymore. Looking back at my desperate dating frenzy I’m a little embarrased at how starved and maniacal I probably looked. I bet if I could observe myself trying to pick up girls my fears would be so obvious. Now, I think it is impossible to hide that fear, so maybe I have to embrace it more. When I have fun with being rejected I’m much more free easy and natural. I remember when I used to get so scarred that I did feel like it was a life and death situation. Now I know and say hey “whats the big deal… its not life and death… its a stupid bar and I’m with my goofy friends… RELAX!” I figure I work so hard to be successful in other areas of my life, if I get rejected again and again when it comes to dating, I’m OK with that. I don’t need to overachieve in everything. When I feel good about my real talent, passion and purpose I could give two figs about getting rejected… I just keep plowing ahead hellbent on succeeding.

Hi Alan. The ‘old alan’ doesn’t live with you much anymore. When the ‘old alan’ is missing, here are a few of the burdens that will fall away: (1) fear of making wrong decisions (2) aching loneliness (3) shame over past mistakes. Won’t that be great! Thank you for your honesty.

Man, this is so good for me to hear. I mean, I’ve been out of work for going on 2 years now and feel like I’ve been rejected by every half-assed tom, dick and harry outfit in the state. If I can survive all that rejection I can survive anything. I don’t think you all really understand the feelings of inadequacy that come with being chronically unemployed. Everything is bitter. I don’t feel like socializing because I feel like I can’t relate to my friends with Jobs. In fact, I only want to bitch and moan with other unemployed people because I know they wont reject me. But just hearing how we all have these feelings whether we are working or not give me some solace. I know myself, if its not one thing its another. Even if I had a dream job, I’d find something to feel disgruntled about! 🙂

hi Ramone. When you are feeling surrounded by threats (which is what happens when you get caught in your morass), take a moment and say, “truth and reality will have no part in my foolish schemes.” Then ponder the pleasant necessity for contacting the truth about your real nature – you are a marvelously made being, worthy of all that is good and beautiful. When you do this over and over again, Ramone, reality will give you your rights – to live in a good and beautiful world. Blessings

Such a fantastic post with so many great comments already, I almost don’t know where to start!

When I first started reading this post, I immediately thought back to my high school days when I had two or three people I wanted to ask out on a date but never did because of a fear of rejection. Looking back, I know that I really wish I had shown a little more confidence in myself.

Then I started reading Kara’s comment, and I felt I could totally relate. I always wanted to do something with computer games when I was in high school, and was even directed to computer programming, but at the time, schools for such things were not as readily available as they are now. In the last few years, I’ve been trying to teach my self a few things that I really wished I had learned way back then.

As I continue reading through the comments, I started to think about my more recent experiences. I thought about how when I moved forward on things regardless of what others thought of them, I felt more confident, like when I started doing NaNoWriMo almost 8 years ago.

But when I have thought about what others might think, I have displayed less confidence. In fact, I’ve noticed especially that when I’m thinking of what my wife might think, I feel much less confident and start fearing rejection.

Working with this fear is an ongoing process, and I’m finding you can be very confident in some areas of your life while fearing rejection in others. I’m beginning to learn to face those fears, but it’s still a struggle.

Hi Grady. You’ve opened your heart, and I want to bless you with a wonderful tip: DON’T ACCEPT NERVOUSNESS AS NECESSARY. This is a big one, Grady. Obey this one simple tip, and your days will be even more inspiring than you can ever imagine. Do you know the alternative for nervousness? It is poise and self-command. I love being in command of myself and behaving in a poised fashion. Do you? Of course you do. Thank you for your heartfelt comment. Blessings

Lately I’ve been facing rejection head on and just going for it (in no small part to your show and blog of course! 🙂 ). There was a time that I wanted to be a wall flower and not put myself out there in society. I found safety in always having a boyfriend and being in a relationship. My social circles never expanded beyond the routine of an intimate relationship with one guy. I’m at a new, weird, strange exciting time in my life where I am not interested in plunging back into the dating game, yet I would like to get out in the world and socialize more. I do have a big fear of being alone so it is easy to stay motivated. I am having some fun with this because I’m not taking social rejection personally. Maybe because I’m beginning to understand that people have to have their own lives that don’t revolve around me! :). When I was married I was so insular that I lost sight of the world that was going on around me. That’s the world I’m getting out into now, and if certain people reject me and don’t want to socialize its just because they have a life. My divorce has allowed me to finally get my own life and so I understand better that rejection is just part of being out and about in the world. I’m glad to be out there, I feel like I am living and creating my experiences instead of feeling beholden to my comfort zone.

Hi Joan. Your story like, many of us, is a story about being a passenger on a runaway train – dreading the ride but unable to get off. Until the moment that we realize that we can get off, and we can get off unharmed. You are learning to get off the train, aren’t you. What a glorious moment it is when we learn to do this.
Thank you for your contribution to the blog and to humanity. Blessings

Hi Rob, Yes its strange to me that we never quite seem to outgrow our oldest childhood fears. I like to think I’m wise and mature but I can be felled by my fear of rejection just as easily as the 8 year old Georgie who got picked last for pick up baseball games. A big part of my struggle now is facing the reality that I have to start trying new things and I know deep down its possible I could fail. I have a hard time putting myself out there because I fear I will fail and look foolish. I paid my dues and have been successful in life, now to face the prospect of looking like an amateur is a hard thing to do. Yet at the same time I see there really is no choice. Once I find something I can get involved with and work hard at I know my natural ambition will take over. I worry that I’m being too cautious and reserved. I fooled myself into thinking that I’ll try anything once, but its more like I’ll try anything once if I know I can succeed at it. Try as I might I still have a healthy ego that does not want to look silly and foolish.

Hi Georgie. You are aware of the ego that causes the inner struggle. It’s like saying, “Now that I’ve arrived, where am I?” This is a great start. It will take you to where you really want to go, Georgie. Thank you for sharing

Hello Rob – I’ve been thinking about the Fear of rejection a lot. And as I’ve thought of it, I’ve seen it in my own life as a hub with spokes expanding in every direction. Those spokes being other fears that mask themselves under the illusion of different names and identities, but they all link back to the hub, “Fear of Rejection”.

For work this week I had to speak in front of some large crowds 25-50 people…large crowds for me). I’ve done this before, and each I get a pulse of fear just prior. For the first time, however, I didn’t get the normal pulse of fear. Beforehand, I told myself that these people aren’t worried about me, they are worried about the services that I’m here to promote. The conversation with myself was a bit more complex, but that’s the main idea of it.

Anyhow, I had this conversation with myself in the car, and I totally bought in to it. I believed it. When it was my turn to speak, I spoke without thinking about myself the whole time, but thinking about the audience and the message I was there to deliver. When I was done, I realized I didn’t get nervous. I wasn’t being overly critical of myself, or allowing my mind to imagine that others were being over critical of me.
Here’s always the funny part Rob [with me]…I had to return this morning to speak in front of another crowd. And I was as nervous as ever!
Forever and always a work in progress…I’m dedicated to it.

Hi Jk. I like the lesson you are teaching with this account of your week. Remember that YOU are your best student. I know that you know that. Self-love is a state of total understanding of oneself. You are truly beginning to totally understand yourself, Jk, and all the parts of you. With self-love there is a conspicuous absence of self-rejection … which is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Now everything is possible for Jk, isn’t it JK. Thank you for your transparency.

Trackbacks

[…] do, remember to do so shamelessly, and keep ignoring the voice in your head that says “no”. As Rob White says, you have heard this “no” tens of thousands of times as a kid. It is now your job as a […]