(Closed) Secret Engagement?

While out on a small mini-weekend getaway my SO took me on an evening stroll by the ocean… and proposed. He started by giving me a “talk” and he eventually opened up asking me to honour him by spending the rest of my life with him as his partner. We giggled, hugged, kissed and spoke sentimentally… and agreed amidst tears! Yay!

Here’s the downside…

The engagement “talk” … we agreed would be a secret until he’s purchased a ring and proposed in the traditional way on bended knee. His idea. Unfortunately, he is expecting that will take another 6 months!!!! I am at a loss and feel my special moment is being tempered because I can’t tell anyone… not even family.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Is this normal?

The idea for it to be a ‘secret’ was mine… i had suggestd it because i wanted us to have an opportunity to enjoy the moment without other people’s expectations of when, where… and so forth getting in the way. However, I am torn that the ring and formal announcement is going to be over 6 months from now!!! I wasn’t expecting a 6 month delay – I am ready to burst at the seams with joy and I feel hampered that I can’t enjoy the moment.

I’ve spoken with my Fiance about it — and that i want to tell others… and he keeps trying to talk me out of it… saying he needs time to go ring shopping and asking my father for his blessing and so forth. He points back to the idea being mine… and he’s right. But i feel “cheated” out of the joy of our family knowing. He won’t seem to budge on the idea.

Any thoughts as to what I should do? I am afraid if i press him too much he may change his mind.

It blows that you cannot share your excitment with friends and familiy right now but you will get there! Remember that your SO wants to spend the rest of his life with you! That is definately worth being happy about! Also, you could talk with your SO about having a very short engagement and get married soon after you make the engagement official. Start planning away and enjoy your time as a (Secret)fiancee.

A ring is a hunk of metal with maybe some kind of a rock on it. It doesn’t matter if you have one or not and it doesn’t make the two of you any more or less commited than those couples that have one.

Personally I do not understand why you should have to wait, except for the fact he has yet to talk to your family, and that is only because I’m traditional. On the other hand if he has already proposed and you’ve said yes does it really matter all the much if he does ask? Would it change your mind if they said no?

If you do want a ring go but a cheapie stand in and continue to save until you can get the ring that the two of you want. Until then shout it from the roof tops and share your great news!

@Nikki_Woodstock: Hmmm… I think it’s a little weird that he asked but then doesn’t count that as “official”. My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have discussed marriage, but he hasn’t asked the question. He will do that when he has a ring and we are ready to be “Official”. For us, we don’t want to be officially engaged until we’re within a year of a wedding date. At our age (mid30s/early40s) people will start putting major pressure once we announce being engaged, so we want to be ready to actively plan & have a date when we tell people.

@Nikki_Woodstock: We kept ours secret, but mostly because we wanted to tell everyone in person. I’m in one state, he’s in another, and our parents are in two different states as well.

We had our “talk” in August 2011, and I consider that we’ve been engaged since then. We told my parents in October…actually he did the whole thing and surprised me with the ring and everything. At that point, my parents, sister, and best friend, and his cousin only, knew.

Thanksgiving we went to see his parents and announced it to them.

It was a little torturous, and he almost blew it once, but it was kind of fun! 🙂

I am soooo glad I am not the only one in this boat!!! I love this Board!!! 🙂 Helps a girl keep her sanity 🙂

I will agree it has been torture not being able to tell anyone… but I equally love that we committed to each other and are enjoying those sentiments without other people’s expectations. A secret shared between the 2 of us that gets our eyes to twinkle 🙂

That being said… It is still torture and it has now been 5 months… and I just can’t hold it in anymore. We have both admitted telling strangers; hairdressers; etc. … spilling the beans … but we haven’t told family yet. I have struggled with regards to the delay.. but my Fiance insists that he can’t imagine telling family without having asked permission and have the ring in hand. He is very traditional and is crafting a special surprise – a 2nd proposal with the ring in hand and bended knee. I can’t wait!!!

This past week I found the ring while cleaning!!! 🙂 OMG!!! It is gorgeous and a 3 carat custom natural sapphire and diamond setting was definitely worth the wait!!! Now I have to keep a double-secret!!! Fingers crossed … it happens soon! 🙂