This is an odd little skit. I wonder what sort of twisted mood I was in when this was originally written some time ago. Have a read and let me know what you think.

Benny

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Bert

What was that?

Benny

It was I.

Bert

Who, Who are you?

Benny

It is I, Benny. YOU left me to die Bert.

Bert

I am so sorry. It was not my fault.

Benny

I am going to haunt you now and forever.

Bert

But it was not my fault. I did not know you were there.

Benny

You should have known I was there. You should have gone to the house.

Bert

I couldn’t. It hurt too much.

Benny

But I was there. You left me there. You should have come for me Bert.

Bert

I thought you’d be okay. I thought you’d get out.

Benny

NO Bert. I was trapped. I was shut in the house I could not get out. You knew I could not open the doors or windows. You just left me Bert.

Bert

But I was too hurt. I could not go there after the accident.

Benny

Because my parents die, you think I should die too?

Bert

No. But I missed them. I was grieving them. He was my son.

Benny

SO you just forgot about me. I was your responsibility while they were away. You were meant to care for me not let me die.

Bert

I am sorry Benny. I really am. I didn’t think about you too much. You should have got out.

Benny

But I could not get out. I needed you to come and feed me Bert. I needed you to come and open the door for me. I wanted to go out and play. I could not. I wanted to see the sun and the birds, I could not. You left me. Trapped.

Bert

I am so, so sorry. But I couldn’t go there. I did not want to go there. Please forgive me.

Benny

You left me. And I died too. But now I miss my parents, trapped here to haunt you.

Bert

I AM sorry. They were not your real parents Benny. They just looked after you.

Benny

I know. But they brought me up, they cared for me when I was ill, they feed me. Does that make any difference that you should not come and feed me?

Bert

No. I was sure you would find food. I couldn’t go to the house.

Benny

I started eating the spiders that crawled through the house. But spiders don’t fill you up even a small body like mine.

Bert

I know I should have gone to you. I know I should have feed you. But I was hurting for your parents too much.

Benny

I was very weak and skinny before I died. That was your fault Bert.

Bert

I said I was sorry.

Benny

I even had to eat Harry. Harry was my brother. I loved Harry, I didn’t want to eat him. But you made me.

Bert

I’m so, so sorry. Please stop.

Benny

Sorry Bert. I will tell you all my story. And when I have finished I will start again. I will tell you until the day YOU die!

Bert

Please stop. Once I found out what I had done. I grieved for you too. I buried you and even said a prayer. Forgive me please.

Benny

You buried me in a cardboard box in the back garden. Could you not give me a proper burial.

Bert

I could not afford a proper one. I made you a gravestone. You are under their favourite tree.

Benny

Yes it is a nice tree. But I would of liked a proper burial, in a proper cemetery.

Bert

I understand. But I couldn’t do that. The costs would have been too much.

Benny

Money does not mean anything to me. I was only two when I died.

Bert

What happened to Harry.

Benny

He went down very easily. He tasted nice too. He will be in heaven now. He died a proper death.

Bert

You call being eaten a proper death.

Benny

It is better than being left to starve. He would have starved eventually too.

Bert

Yes, I suppose so. What did you do for drink?

Benny

Harry had plenty of water. He didn’t mind me drinking a little of his each day.

Bert

That explains why his tank was nearly empty. But if you loved him, did you have to eat him?

Benny

I would have eaten him one day anyway. I would have got curious of what he tasted like when I was older.

Bert

But you said he was your brother.

Benny

He was only a goldfish, he knew it would happen. They have short memories, but they know the future.

Bert

I never knew that.

Benny

I wish I could see my parents again.

Bert

Well you don’t have to haunt me. I feel bad enough about letting you die.

Benny

But I am destined to haunt you until the day you die.

Bert

Well I am getting old. I probably only have a few years left. You will be able to see them then.

Benny

Couldn’t you die sooner.

Bert

Sorry?

Benny

You have your shotgun upstairs. You could use that. I would be able to see my parents much sooner.

Bert

NO!

Benny

You would have no more haunting from me. Can you have this conversation everyday for the rest of your life?

Bert

I think I can put up with it.

Benny

Can you? It will get tedious after a few times, these words will never change. We will have this conversation forever.

Bert

I will find an exorcist or something.

Benny

You would kill me again?

Bert

NO! I could not do that. I will talk back.

Benny

I am afraid you will. You are destined to, we will have this conversation again very soon.

Bert

I wont I am leaving.

Benny

You can’t Bert. All the doors are locked. Just like you left me.

Bert

Let me out. If I can’t get out I’ll run out of food.

Benny

As I did, you will join me then. Maybe it wont be that long before you die.

Bert

What can I do to say I am sorry. What can I do to get out of this.

Benny

Nothing.

Bert

This isn’t fair.

Benny

And leaving me to starve was?

Bert

No. I thought you didn’t matter. I had lost the ones I loved.

Benny

We all matter Bert.

Bert

Yes, I see now. I am sorry Benny.

Benny

Do you want to go and get it then?

Bert

Sorry?

Benny

The shotgun. Shall we finish it now? It would be better than starving.

Bert

Okay. Will I be able to see your parents afterwards.

Benny

Of course. We will go together.

Bert

See you soon Benny.

Benny

See you soon Bert.

A shotgun echoes through the house.

Bert

So what happens now?

Benny

We can make the journey.

Bert

But what about my body down there?

Benny

Some one will find it soon. You can come back and watch the service if you wish.

Bert

I am really sorry.

Benny

Me too. But it was for the best. I think you would have done it sooner or later without my help.

Bert

Yes, that is why the gun was loaded.

Benny

Before we go can you stroke me behind my ears.

Bert

Of course.

Benny

Thank you, I have always liked that.

Bert

Yes, I remember when I visited. A stroke behind the ears would always please you.

Benny

It still does. Though I think eating goldfish would please me more.

Bert

Can you still do that?

Benny

No, I have to be a good cat. Eating a goldfish now would be bad. But I will be content with you and my parents stroking my ears.