Monday, January 26, 2009

True Wife Confessions 280 Traffic Cameras

Confession #2791

I was confession 1880; we conceived our son at a foreign clinic, through a double gamete donation -- our eggs & sperm were both too compromised to work. We are totally besotted with our son, and the only stress is hiding this HUGE secret from the small-minded small towners we live among. I was so thrilled at the universally positive tone of the comments, that I decided maybe it wasn't crazy after all to go back and try again, even though I am four years older and the "miracle" story would look a little thin. So I took the trip end of March -- April 1, to be exact, was the transfer date. All went well and I saw two pink lines again, soon after: hurray! Except now the worries began: what if it was twins? What if I got pre-eclampsia again, instead of nosing around the edges of it as I had done the first time? What if the birth was premature and I now had a crippled baby along with an active toddler? No spare money, little spare time... how would we cope? I sat there in the dark, rocking my son, and worried. My husband and I fought bitterly over care of the toddler -- I thought he was too lenient, he thought I was too strict. When a three year old hits you you imagine him hitting the baby, and you want your man to step in rather than watch his pregnant wife get whacked! I kept wondering, should I not have gone at all....just left them in the freezer forever. At least this way there was a CHANCE things would go well, right?

Well, they did until they didn't. At my 12 week scan they told me growth had stopped at 9.5 weeks. No heartbeat. I was crushed.... and in a tiny dark place, relieved. No bedrest, no preeclampsia, no fear of dying for me. But the loss, the loss is grieved every day now. I wanted my son to have a sibling! Every problem that came up I had a plan for, and now all those plans are for nothing. I am so unbelievably bitter that we were allowed to rejoice at all, then have it snatched away for no known reason. Because they did the genetic testing, and the baby was fine....it's me that caused the problem, somehow. And this is what keeps me up at night. Every time I raised my voice and blood pressure, every time I lifted my son a little roughly, every time I strained on the toilet..... I thought, hell, the last one stuck, this one is going to have to deal. So careless. I feel like through my worry and ambivalence, I killed her.

Confession #2792

My mil is driving me nuts. She honestly doesn’t see anything wrong with trying to wedge herself inbetween me and my daughters relationship. She went behind my back and came up with a game plan about wanting to take my daughter to get her hair cut, but then didn’t have the backbone to tell me about it. She had another family member tell me that she was going to take her to a salon and cut her hair, and the appointment is next week. HELLO, no f’ing way are you doing this. When I put my foot down and said no, she made it seem like I was the bad guy. My daughter is not getting her hair cut right now and when she does I will arrange it, not you. This is my daughter, I am her gate keeper, YOU ASK ME IF YOU WANT TO DO STUFF WITH HER, NOT TELL ME THAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES HER. YOU ASK ME.

She is still a baby and barely even has any hair, I cut her bangs, that is all she needs. I TAKE CARE OF HER NEEDS. And please stop asking your daughter/my sil to get my daughter things as she needs it when I am at your house, she is MINE, I will met her needs. Don’t ask your daughter/my sil to get her sippy, or her plate of food (that I have in my hand), or her blanket, or to put her down for a nap, etc. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, I will get what she needs.

My sil can’t have kids, even though she wants them, and she doesn’t want to adopt. I am starting to get the impression that when we are all together at a family get together that they are pretending that my daughter is really my sil’s daughter. Cause when it’s just my mil, my daughter and me, she really doesn’t pay attention to my daughter, but when my sil is there, they are all up in my daughters face trying to exclude me from their clique. It’s just a feeling I get.

LIKE F’ING HELL IM LAYING DOWN FOR THAT! She’s mine, back off wenches! I will not tolerate this, because of my husband, I will tolerate you, but you will NOT exclude me from my daughter, it will not work. I WILL BE A BITCH IF NEED BE TO GET YOU TO RESPECT ME AND MY DAUGHTERS BOUNDRY.

When I see you I will act like everything is fine, but under my breath I will be saying have a nice day bitch. Lol.

Confession #2793

You asshole rat-fuck gutless piece of shit bastard son of a bitch. I foundout about her. I know that's why you left me. Too bad you're too much of acoward to actually say it to my face. I hope she finds out what kind of manyou REALLY are. At first I was sad, and angry, and hurt, but right now Ithink I'm glad I found out before I had wasted another five years of my lifewith you. Good riddance, and go fuck yourself.

Confession #2794

Thank you for respecting my words when I say that I am not in the mood for sex. You cuddle with me, rub my back, make me laugh. Of course, after all that touching, I'M really in the mood for sex, and so you get a very willing partner who is excited and lustful for you. It is an excellent strategy.

Confession #2795

Once we got cable, our sex life went to shit. You started staying up past 2 a.m. many a night watching movies. Then the next night you'd do the same. Then the next you'd be so tired you'd go to bed by 9 p.m. I'm tired of you avoiding me. I'm tired of you disappearing into the bathroom before bed. I'm tired of smelling spit on your hands. I'm tired of walking in on you jerking off in the shower. I'm tired of all of your excuses.

Sometimes I think the only way we'd have sex would be if I cut your hands off. Course I'm sure it wouldn't take you but a few days to figure out some other way to jerk off.

When I said I can't compete with the tv and your hand, I was serious. You got offended. But its the truth.

I don't buy the "Its my anxiety issues" bullshit. You've always had "anxiety issues." We'd still manage to have sex 2-3 times a week. What makes this different (especially when you admit that your jobs stress is going down and for fuck's sake you're a few days into two-week vacation!

Its not like I'm some nasty looking creature. I look better in a pair of jeans now than I did in my early 20's. When I go out with girlfriends, I get attention from other guys. I still take care of myself.

Meanwhile, YOU'RE overweight, got a ginormous gut that rubs against me when you're on top, a tiny pecker, hairy ass and hairy back. You no longer have a jawline. Plus you're losing muscle. Your arms are getting skinny but your chest is getting wider. And you're going bald. Despite this, I still wanted to have sex with you. I still told you I found you sexy. And YOU'RE not sexually interested in ME?

Do you know how we can solve this? Maybe you should stop jerking off so much. Hmmm?

My god, how sad is that? You can't stop jerking off long enough to have sex with your wife. You jerk off so much, your sperm count was too low to get me pregnant. (This is why we haven't sought medical intervention. Because if you'd stop jerking off for gee, 48 hours? It would be a whole different story. You are a pathetic piece of SHIT. And I swear if some other guy starts finding me sexually attractive and isn't attached? I am going to fuck him. Do you know why? Because I'd rather have a real dick inside of me than a bunch of flimsy excuses.

You profess to find me sexy, you claim to love to have sex with me and you claim masturbation doesn't compare to how awesome sex is with me. But we're like roommates. (Well, roommates where one does all of the housework and childcare while the other lays on the couch, eats and jerks off.) I think you are full of shit and don't have the balls to tell me what's going on. If you no longer find me attractive, that's fine. There are other men that do.

Confession #2796

Here we are year later and you are going backwards to where we were then. I don't know if I can do this with you anymore. I am trying to help but you are an adult and make decisions by yourself. I know the doc said I am supposed to be your meter as to when you are starting to get depressed, but for how long am I supposed to hold your hand? I told you this morning you needed to check the thoughts in your head and I am not sure if you have heard me. Anyway, careful driving home, it's going to snow today and you need patience.Love ? Me

Confession #2797

I'm completely stunned that you have pulled away from me just because you asked me some questions about my sexual history and I answered you honestly. Yes, I experimented many, many years ago. I don't see how that has anything to do with "us". But clearly, you think it does. My confession? I would never have been so open with you had I known the effect it would have on you. Then again, if something that trivial can change your feelings for me so drastically, then I guess you never loved me anyway. Better to find out now, I suppose.

Confession #2798

We have been married almost 2 years now. You are perfect. You make melunch for work, you bake me cookies, you wash every dish in the housewithout complaining. You do anything I ask at the snap of a finger, andyou know what, its annoying! Some days I wish you'd just act like a manand do manly things. It is not a turn on seeing you in the kitchen withan apron on. I ask if you would like to maybe spice up our sex lifewith a threesome, girl of course, and you say no! You don't watchsports or scratch yourself, you hate video games and always tell me thatI am the most beautiful wonderful girl alive. You like cleaning toiletsand setting out potpourri. Most people question if you are gay.

Most people think I have it made, but just once I'd love for you to manup. I am tired of wearing the pants in our relationship. I would loveyou to go get your hands dirty under the hood of a car, go watch afootball game, make more money than me, and drink a beer! This isn't aconfession, I told you, and you started crying. For once, I'd love tojust be the woman in this relationship or find a real man who can makeme feel like one.

Confession #2799

This one's not about my husband -- I confess that I never expected being a mom to be THIS kind of lonely. Am I the only one? You watch all those damned sitcoms, and all the moms are always out doing things with their girlfriends and having coffee and getting together and yacking and complaining about their kids. I feel like my kids have gotten this incredible loser mom because I don't have any friends -- not in my neighborhood, not at work, not with the other mothers at school, haven't really met anyone at church. I'm always amazed when you read a novel and the author thanks her THIRTY or FORTY 'best friends' for being so kind as to read her work, or when you pick up your college alumni magazine and there's a picture of Suzie Creamcheese celebrating her fortieth birthday at the surprise party her husband threw where he invited EIGHTY people. My own parents prefer my sister in law who's blonde and cute and really young and a cheerleader, my MIL dislikes me, my husband is not warm and loving and most the time Hostess cupcakes are MY best friend. How do the rest of you do it? Why are you all so interesting that people call you up to ask you what you thought of Michelle Obama's dress? No one cares what I think about anything .

Confession #2800

Honey, we got married 4-5 short months ago... and shortly there after, I regretted it. Your anger is tearing me apart, tearing us apart. If anyone ever heard you talk to me like the way you do, F*ck you this or F*ck you that... You're a stupid b*tch, blah blah blah, they would be astounded. It is horrible. You have no idea how many times I wonder, "why?" I've caught you many times in a lie seeing pictures on your cell phone from other women, your text messages, your pictures you send to people you find on craigslist, and your emails back and fourth to other people you find online. I've seen them, I know what's going on - you have a history, you've always been this way. You've never acted on those people that you're texting/emailing - as far as I know. You're too shy of a person do anything like that - I know this.

Just an FYI though; don't be alarmed if you come home to an empty house or your shit out in the yard. Farewell my friend, farewell. And, this past 4 years? Wasted.

PS: Every odd phone number I see on our cell phone bill from your phone, I call from my work number since it shows up private... guess what? All women. I've even added some email addresses to your spam filter. I also know all of your passwords to everything you have.

I know you recently went to the doctor for your anger, and you are now on medication which you blame me for. Shocking! You'll never ever take the blame. However you are trying to be nice again, and loving and thanking me for putting up with you and you said you talked to your dad today and your dad said, "You can't let the good ones go, you can't let her get away." And you came home from work and loved up all on me and said how much you loved me.

I know your love is there for me, but your sexual desires are still raging wild and your anger? I can't wait around forever. I made a mistake by getting married to you, however thank you for teaching me what real love really is... and it isn't you.

27 comments:

Anonymous
said...

#2791, honey, if what you describe were enough to cause miscarriage on a consistent basis, the human race would have long since died out! I'm so sorry that you went through a miscarriage, but unless you happily shot yourself up with RU-486 or something, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You did NOTHING WRONG.

If you need to do something, you might want to have your doctor check you out for blood clotting issues - do you have a history of strokes or clotting disorders in your family? Do you carry the MTHFR mutation? Clotting issues can interfere with the development of a healthy placenta. Also, if you haven't already, get scanned for a septum in your uterus.

Congratulations on your healthy (and, I'm sure, beautiful) son. Good luck with your future, whatever it holds in terms of kids. But you didn't miscarry because you did anything wrong. Please don't beat yourself up about this.

2799:Wow. I often wonder the same thing. I feel like I am the only person on earth who has no friends. My husband has plenty of guy friends, but I spend all of my time working, taking care of our 2-year old, and taking online classes. Even so, I am around a lot of people at work, and I still don't have any friends. I have almost no family outside of my husband and little girl, and those we do have only call or visit a few times a year. I'm estranged from my birth family because of my interracial marriage, but I was very close to my sisters and brother before that, and I still miss them terribly. My husband is a good man, but he is not very affectionate and spends a lot of time outside in the yard. My little girl is wonderful, but I often feel guilty that she will never have a sibling (we can't afford another) and that I have no friends with children that she can play with. At least she gets to be around kids in daycare, but then, I feel guilty about her being there as well. That's one thing I've learned about being a parent - you spend a lot of time feeling guilty and second-guessing yourself. I also feel guilty that I sometimes get really bored with her. I feel guilty even writing such a thing, but it's true.

#2798 I t'ink that's the kind of thing maybe you wanna save for confessing here, really - If not, can I have him?

#2799 I'm a lot like you, and #1 LAY OFF THE SITCOMS before you slit your wrists. If that's all you're exposed to you're only going to hate your life more and more. #2 Ya gotta fake it. Nobody wants to hang out with downer energy. Most of my friends and I parse out our social time very carefully, so we only play the bubbly act for as long at a time as we can stand it, then we bury our heads in our cynical pillows until we can put the bubbles back on. I have about five close friends, defined as "people who still love each other when we're ratty bitches" or in other words "safe to be around." Jump start your social life by forcing the companionship of people you don't really like on yourself - maybe some of THEIR friends are people you can get close to.

Please note that when I say "fake it" there are limits implied! I'm not talking pep squad cheesecake her, just pretend you're having maybe 25% more fun than you really are, and that your life is maybe 50% more wonderful than it really is, and you'll be doing what everyone else does, and sometimes you'll even believe yourself...

#2798: Maybe he's gender confused. I dated a guy who was a lot like this-- right down to the CRYING when you tell them how their girliness is affecting your libido. How did you end up marrying someone if you weren't sure about their gender-identity/ manliness? If you want someone less perfect, you're going to have to divorce this one.

2799If anyone had ever told the truth, none of us would be moms. I had no friends or family around by the time I had kids.

Eventually I clicked with someone in my neighborhood. We were fric and frac, our baby boys were going to be best buds for life. Until my supremely self-absorbed best friend told me during a girly bitch session that she would invite me for supper, but not my husband. I was so hurt, and when I tried to explain this to my husband, he thought I wanted a divorce because of her. But my loyalty was to him. I digress.

I know it can be lonely. Sometimes you gotta make your own fun. Go to parks, bring snacks. Be friendly. Don't worry about anyone else. Find Kid friendly discovery museums.I had a long time of being alone and when I found a play group to be part of, it helped.

If you were never outgoing before, you can be now!!

Don't give up. Start your own blog!!! Write about your days, kids, things you love and people will read it. I'll link you on my blog. And when you do you can email me: echo11eagle@yahoo.com

2792-You are completely right in your feelings. The other poster must be an over involved busy body. You ARE the gatekeeper for your daughter and it is totally messed up that your SIL and MIL want to pretend she is your SIL's child. Don't let your daughter be alone with those weirdo freaks. Don't even let them touch your child if you are at an event with them. They have to learn their boundaries and if they can't respect you, they have no right to be near your child. Keep on being the mother lion, you are doing great.

If "mama lion" means irrationally insecure and overprotective, then go for it. But I don't see the harm in what they're doing and I think you are probably taking it out of context. And it could harm your relationship with them-- and is it really worth it? They aren't harming your child, they just aren't acting the way YOU want them to-- which is bit selfish and misguided, in my opinion.

Surely the haircut was a bit too far, but that's the only part that I see as being too far, from what little you've written.

If you didn't have a child, wouldn't you at least hope your SIL would let you hold her baby and play with it?

I think you're being overly unfair. Vent it out, but I calls it like I sees it.

I could even see myself acting the way 2792 is acting-- but only at first. I'd soon realize I was being unfair.

If you aren't going to bring it out in the open, politely, then you should forget about it and not let it impede your relationship with your family, in-laws or not.

2797: You're so right. I hope you find someone who loves you for your whole self and appreciates your honesty. I don't understand people who can be jealous of the past... how do they think we became who we are?

2798 - and why did you marry this fellow? You knew what you were getting when you did. You also know your relationship is over 'cause girly-man-boy isn't going to change or suddenly figure out how to "man up". So you really want a bad ass beer drinking burping, ass and ball scratching "man" who oozes testosterone every time he lifts up the hood of his Mustang? Yeah I can see it. Why have a man who tells you that you are beautiful, cooks and cleans for you? Give me the smelly, no compliments watching tv and no help with the chores hottie any day.... sign me "bad men make me hot"

2791 - I had the same thing happen to me. I went for a 12 week visit and the fetus had stopped growing at 6 weeks. I had two children previous to the miscarriage and another one after, three healthy girls. My doctor told me at the time of the miscarriage that statistically, 1 in 3 pregnancies don't make it to term, and 95% of those end in the first 12 weeks. IT'S NOTHING YOU DID WRONG. I know you're sad, and I know you feel guilty, but it's not your fault. Please stop beating yourself up. There's nothing you could have done.

2792 - Trust your instincts. Melmouseyes obviously does not have a similarly psychotic extended family and misunderstands what you are trying to express. I do, only mine is unfortunately immediate family and I am way further down that road than you are. I learned to internally break all emotional ties to my own parents and siblings (not great relationships to start with, but still difficult) for the sake of my children. Without too much detail, I was raised wrong and my siblings are repeating the cycle with their children. I love and protect my children, to the point that I stopped playing along with family events, manipulations, and guilt trips. I show up and am polite, but I know their games and think to myself 'don't even think of messing with my kids with your whacked definitions of normal.' You want time with them? Come to my house while I am there (this sounds way over-protective, but under the circumstances it is NOT...it is me calling the shots for my family and yes, parenting and protecting my children.) Do NOT let the mil and sil manipulate and brainwash (it WILL happen if you don't take steps to prevent it) your child. And yes, the mil and sil will hate you and gossip about you when you put your foot down. Trust your instincts.

2791, i want to send my condolences, my wife and i have no problem with cranking out babies, in fact it seems effortless but when she first went off birth control her mother had terminal brain cancer and she wanted a child before her mother passed away, she went for a check up and found out she was pregnant when the docs told her it was unheard of really for someone who had been on the pill that long to get pregnant less than a month after she stopped, needless to say things went wrong and we lost the baby, all i remember is standing on my back steps on a sunny afternoon and crying harder than i'd cried in a long time, in fact misty eye right now some three and a half year later, you run alot of things through your head and beat yourself up but in the end there's nothing you can do, i think about that kid all the time and sometimes when i'm walking down the street at night (not being a reiligous type) i look up towards the stars and say "hi kid" and smile, the hurt lessens but you never forget and honestly there is no use beating yourself up and analyizing every move you made, enjoy the one you have cuz really that's all that matters. take care.

2792, This is your child, and MIL and SIL are way overstepping their boundaries. Take care of your daughter, love and protect her, and do not allow their passive-aggressive, guilt-tripping, make-believe, crazy stunts to erode or diminish your place of importance in your daughter's life. She is your daughter, and it is YOUR responsibility and privilege to see to her needs, exactly as you are doing right now. It is not up to them to approve, or comment, or interfere. I hope that if they learn their boundaries, you will allow them to participate in your daughter's life in an appropriate manner. And by appropriate, I refer to something within your boundaries! :)

Melmouseyes is wrong, IMO. If it's starting at this level, where would it escalate to if left unchecked?

2799: Like everyone else who responded I wanted to say thanks for your honesty. I'm not a mom, but I am married. And somehow, despite having lots of friends in high school and college, I now have basically no one to just spend time with. My husband has lots of friends -- we live near where he grew up. One suggestion I have is volunteering. I aim to start doing that myself. I think I have the kind of personality where, I've been sad about my loneliness and lack of social life for so long, it's made me a bit weirder and more cautious than I really am. So if I'm with people for the purpose of giving and helping, it takes the pressure off of getting them to like me. And I just might end up with some friends along the way. We'll see.

2795: There's a small chance your husband is gay. Take a look at the stories at www.straightspouse.com and see if anything rings a bell. Do some investigating. And always remember that, whatever the source of his behavior, you do deserve better.

2799: While I think there is some truth to what everyone has said about "faking it" -- and I think it can actually be a form of positive visualization -- I like this quote from Drew Barrymore: "There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself."

2798: I know how you feel. It is embarrassing and pride-wounding when people think your husband is gay. Not to mention that besides what other people think, you just want him to BE a man, because it would be nice to be around. People will say "you knew what you were getting into" but a lot of guys do become more effeminate after they get married. Just like a lot of married women lose that feminine sparkle.