Special counsel Robert Mueller said in a rare and remarkable public statement Wednesday his investigation could not clear President Donald Trump and that charging the President was not an option his office could consider.

In Mueller’s first public comments on the investigation since he was appointed special counsel two years ago, he emphasized that Justice Department guidelines did not allow him to charge a sitting President, and as a result his office did not determine whether the President had committed obstruction of justice.

“If we had confidence that the President clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so,” Mueller said. “We did not however make a determination as to whether the President did commit a crime.”

As he announced he was closing the special counsel’s office and resigning from the Justice Department, Mueller delivered a road map of how the investigation played out and the possible role that Congress could play in holding Trump accountable.

The “possible role that Congress could play” consists, of course, of IMPEACHMENT. You know, what they started to do with Nixon before he stepped down? And what they did do to Bill Clinton, who didn’t step down?

And if you’re wondering why he passed the matter along to Congress, it’s because his own job is constitutionally limited:

Charging Trump was “not an option” because Justice Department regulations prohibit charging a sitting president with a crime, Mueller said. His office was “bound by that policy.”

“It would be unfair to potentially accuse somebody of a crime when there can be no court resolution of an actual charge,” he said.

Mueller highlighted how the “Constitution requires a process other than” the criminal justice system to hold officeholders accountable, a clear signal that his obstruction investigation into Trump may be picked up by Congress.

Mueller called the subject of his investigation “of paramount importance,” and said that obstructing an investigation “strikes at the core of the government’s effort to find the truth and hold wrongdoers accountable.”

In other words: Congress, get off your fucking duff and impeach the motherfucker already. You know, like that badass Rashida Tlaib made it clear she intended to do? Don’t leave her hanging. She can’t do it alone. Get up on your hind legs, all of you, and MAKE IT HAPPEN NOW. (Yes, even YOU, Nancy Fucking Pelosi!)

Best analysis (and summary of all the fallout) award goes to Jeff Waldorf here:

“The defenders of authority dread the advent of a free motherhood, lest it will rob them of their prey. Who would fight wars? Who would create wealth? Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman were to refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children? The race, the race! shouts the king, the president, the capitalist, the priest. The race must be preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere machine, — and the marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex-awakening of woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain a state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts of the Church, the mad attacks of rulers, in vain even the arm of the law. Woman no longer wants to be a party to the production of a race of sickly, feeble, decrepit, wretched human beings, who have neither the strength nor moral courage to throw off the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she desires fewer and better children, begotten and reared in love and through free choice; not by compulsion, as marriage imposes. Our pseudo-moralists have yet to learn the deep sense of responsibility toward the child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast of woman. Rather would she forego forever the glory of motherhood than bring forth life in an atmosphere that breathes only destruction and death.”

Okay, now that we’ve had our little fun at his expense, there’s a couple of things that need to be said here:

First off, Mikey, m’dude, you are NOT a “public figure”. You’re a public laughingstock; there is a difference. You put yourself out there in the most idiotic way with your “Danger and Play” blog and your how-to-rape (and get away with it) guides and your pitiable attempts to peddle muscle juice and brainfart pills. Whatever little public attention you get is negative for a reason. You’re not a star, Mikey, and you don’t deserve to be. What you deserve is a good, old-fashioned turn in the good, old-fashioned pillory so everybody can jeer and throw shit at you in the public square like they did in the good old days.

Secondly, if you didn’t want all that negative public attention (and all the splash damage you’ve done to your wife and daughter by calling down that kind of attention on yourself, for fucksakes), you really shouldn’t have tried to set the neo-Nazi bitchboys — oh sorry, Proud Boys — on Vic Berger, and Sam Seder, and whoever else you’ve been harassing and trying to get hounded out of a job. Because for one thing, those guys aren’t going to be intimidated by you or any of the boneheads you try to sic on them. For another, they’ve got actual, working knowledge of what SATIRE means. And for yet another, they’re not going to hesitate to use it on you. Even if, like Sam, they’re family guys themselves.

And, unlike you, Sam and Vic are actually GOOD at using satire. Especially on a target as dumb and shitty and utterly deserving of public contempt as yourself.

Ah, that was lovely. Especially the part where his wife cucks him off-camera. Something tells me that she doesn’t need him to “protect” her, as he’s trying to convey the impression of, after all.

She might want to dump him like his first wife did, though, because something tells me he’s too gross to live with for long.

Does anyone think these two little spoiled, racist brats aren’t representative of pretty much everyone at Turning Point USAstroturf? Because if you do, I’ve got a bridge in New York that I’ll sell to your big-dollar racist donors for a song!

And yeah, maybe it’s time to update the old Circle Game, and take that not-okay white-power sign as a “punch me in the ‘nads” invite. Starting with Tim Fucking Pool, and working your way down. Because the political right is racist, and always has been…all the way down.

Fear doesn't travel well; just as it can warp judgment, its absence can diminish memory's truth. What terrifies one generation is likely to bring only a puzzled smile to the next.
--Arthur Miller, "Why I Wrote 'The Crucible'", The New Yorker, October 21, 1996

All opinions here are the brain-wrackings of Sabina C. Becker, unless otherwise credited. If you cite them, please give credit where due.