Happier with Gretchen Rubin

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We’re having so much fun with our Instagram project. Join in, post photos of whatever makes you...happier! Use the hashtag #Happier2017 and tag us — I’m @gretchenrubin and @lizcraft.

As we discuss, The Onward Project is the family of podcasts that I've launched, for podcasts that are about "your life--made better." The first shows are Side Hustle School and Radical Candor. Elizabeth's show with her writing partner, Sarah Fain, will be Happier in Hollywood, so stay tuned for that.

Try This at Home: We got this suggestion from our listener Nikki: Do something for your future self.

If you're an Obliger, what accountability strategies work for you? There's a wide range of strategies that work for different Obligers.

Happiness Hack: In episode 97, we talked about the challenge of dealing with the pain and anger of a break up.

Our listener Donna had a great approach, by creating a ritual using flying wish paper:

I was sad, angry and regretful. I knew the break-up needed to happen, but was having a hard time processing the emotions that came after. I purchased some flying wish paper and I wrote out all of the things I wanted to release about the situation – using one piece of paper for each thing. I then took the paper, matches and a glass of wine outside to my patio, put on some nice music and lit the papers one at a time. As the papers burned down, they lifted off into the air. It felt like a tribute instead of a catharsis. I was acknowledging that these feelings had been a part of my life, but were no longer serving me and so I was letting them go.

If you're curious about flying wish paper, you can check it out here -- it comes in all sorts of colors and patterns. (in our family, we use flying wish paper to makes wishes for the new year, and I've also used it as a fun activity at a birthday party.)

Know Yourself Better:Are you an "integrator" or a "compartmentalizer?" Kathleen wrote:

I’ve noticed in the workplace that folks tend to fall into one category or the other when it comes to how they deal with the crossover between work and life. For example, some people seem perfectly happy to answer emails on the weekends, to work on projects late at night, etc., all while they integrate fun into the day (social lunches, coffee breaks, extended online shopping or social media sessions). I think of these folks as integrators — folks who, seemingly quite willingly, blend work and life together. They don’t seem to mind switching between the two.

Some of us, on the other hand, are compartmentalizers. I fall squarely into this camp. Work is work, life is life, and I strive to keep the two separate in terms of time allocation. I can’t enjoy a coffee break or a relaxed dinner when I know there’s a big project waiting for me to return (as intellectually engaging as that project may be), so I’d rather plow through the work first, then get to the fun as a reward. I cut the fat from the workday, with the aim of making weekends and evenings — as much as humanly possible — work-free. (I’m a lawyer at a big firm, so it’s often not possible, but it’s a goal worth chasing!) I also seem to be one of the few professionals I know who won’t put her work email on her personal iPhone, instead preferring to keep the old firm-issued Blackberry as a second, separate device.

On the whole, the compartmentalizer approach makes me happier, because it means personal time is truly distinct and enjoyable, and the jarring transitions between life and work are minimized. But I get that others work better when the boundaries between work and life are more fluid.

Listener Question: Whitney asks, "I have a hang-up with the idea of a one-sentence journal. I feel like it would be stressful to try to distill my day into one sentence! Any tips for how to do that?"

Demerit: Years ago, I started a terrific system for keeping my daughters' mementos in a highly organized file box (I used this one), but I didn't maintain it. Now I need to go back and get everything organized.

Gold Star: Elizabeth gives a gold star to the enthusiastic, friendly, energetic crossing-guard in her neighborhood.

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Remember, I’m doing weekly live videos on my Facebook Page to continue the conversation from the podcast — usually on Tuesdays at 3:00 pm ET. To join the conversation, check the schedule.

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