One crazy mom's perspective on autism and parenting

If my plate is a platter, where’s the party?

I joked with one of my friends that my plate is a platter. Her response: a platter means someone is having a party, so that’s a good thing. I love that glass half full attitude. I promptly told her I was going to steal that for my blog, and well, I kept my word.

I am all over the place these days; I feel like a triage nurse just making sure all of the patients survive.

My work is out of control right now and we have never been this busy. Busy=job security, keep it coming!! I know it’s really busy when I wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety, hoping I didn’t forget to do something. Damn subconscious.

Crazy week too. Art fair at school, they wanted to extort us, I mean ask us to pay $25 per kid for the kid’s painted picture in a frame. I think that is taking “priceless” a little too far. So, we will wait until it gets sent home from the art teacher and frame it ourselves! Bryan does not do well going back to school at night. I don’t know if it’s some sort of fear that he will have to stay there, or that he’s tired or that there may be social demands on him that he is not up to. He yells and always asks to go home. He does love to see people so I think at times he just cannot get out of his own way. It is seriously not fun for Jason or me, however, and as always results in a lot of weird stares from people and bitch stares back from me. Don’t mess with me and don’t look at my kid; I will take you out. Going postal is always just below the surface. Inevitably, Jason wants to stay and participate in whatever is going on at school and Bryan just wants to leave. I am always amazed that Jason handles this so well; I think if I were a 9-year-old it might embarrass me if my brother behaved that way. Although Bryan cannot always help his behavior and there is nothing to truly be embarrassed about it, I still feel it is very loving and accepting of Jason that he doesn’t get embarrassed. I guess if that’s all you know, you just deal with it. Good lesson for everyone.

Last night we went to an open school night at the middle school we hope that Bryan will attend. We did not get to do anything really, Bryan was so emotional. Some combo of hormones, OCD, autism, anxiety. There’s a party for you! We didn’t stay long but at least he got to see the physical layout and he can process it a little better. The stress on Earl and me is incredible at times. We both are under a lot pressure right now and exhaustion plus night-time commitments plus Bryan’s OCD and perseveration is not what I would call a recipe for happiness. We will overcome though!!

I found out from a friend that another person I know received an autism diagnosis for their child. My friend, the middle person, asked me some questions and I offered what info I could not knowing the circumstances. Every time this happens my heart breaks a little bit. I am in this and I don’t know what to say, how ironic. I just feel like it must be the most overwhelming feeling. We didn’t have the tools or info that they do today so when the doctor said PDD to us, we just didn’t know what we were up against. It also brings me back to my own feelings of how our journey with Bryan has unfolded and that isn’t always a pretty stroll down memory lane. A new work colleague came to a meeting in my office recently. My office, like my life, has lots of autism “stuff” in it. He did not ask me anything or say anything. Yesterday we were meeting again and he said to me, “hey I have something for you” and proceeded to give me a piece of USA today-Life Section with an article about a family with autism and how they cope. The article could have been good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Can you imagine someone being so thoughtful? Talk about getting on my good side! It is always the little things that tear me down and build me up.