Ask E. Jean: He's Giving Too Much of Himself

My philanthropic boyfriend is cheating

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Apr 29, 2010

Gregg Delman

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Dear E. Jean: I've donated at least $400 to Haitian relief, volunteered with local organizations to amass food, and been hard at work on a Haiti fundraiser, so I feel silly asking this question. The doctor I've been seeing went to Haiti to help after the earthquake. Once there, he never called, and I waited a long time for his e-mails. So the other night, I decided to call him to see how he was doing, and boy did I see how he was doing.

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It turns out that he must have accidentally punched a button on his phone with his hand or something, because I heard him and another woman having sex—very loudly. It was horrifying and hurtful. Though I know we're merely "seeing" each other and not in a committed relationship, I feel possessive of him. He's coming home soon, and we'll be working together on the fundraiser. Should I take this as a sign to leave him before I get into more trouble?—Dazed and Confused

Dazed, my darling: And here we all thought waiting for a guy to call was punishment. Hell, I'm happy he didn't accidentally hit "record video" on his phone and Skype the thing to you.

However, I like this Dr. Ear Splitting. You share two virtues: You both stand up for the downtrodden, and you each dedicate your time to something greater than yourselves. (His artistry in performing two operations at the same time with his fingers—punching buttons and undoing them—is a virtue possessed by few.)

So, as you weren't committed; as you wouldn't be "leaving" him even if you left him; and as you have several things in common, why not stick around for a while and see what develops? And for God's sakes, don't mention you overheard his shouts. Use the secret intelligence to amp up your romance—i.e., he may like a bang not a whimper in bed.

P.S. How loud is he? I need someone to frighten away the bears up here at my cabin.