Monday, March 05, 2007

Push Your Way Hot Baby Son Into Child Modeling Day!

Tell your son little league will let in any number of ugly bastards who know how to swing a stick. 'But you got the goods,' tell him. 'You're unbelievably hot, and you shouldn't waste it standing out in left field where you're nothing but another eleven-year old kid who has to pee.'

'But modeling's for girls!' your son will tell you.

'Hot girls!' retort. 'You don't want in on that?'

'Yuck! Girls are gross!' he'll say. 'I just want to play video games with my friends!'

'I told you I don't want you hanging around with those boys anymore,' tell him. 'Your friends are hideous. Now help me pick out some pictures for you. I think this one's a little too 'come hither' don't you?'

'Yeah but this one makes me look like I'm uncertain about what to do with my hands!' he'll whine. 'I don't want people to think I don't know what to do with my hands!'

Take your little treasure in your arms and tell him, 'Shhhhh. They won't think that. No one will ever think that about my baby. We'll pick the pictures that let everyone know my baby knows exactly what to do with his hands.'

Then let him go. He's your son and you can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. If he goes upstairs and gets dressed for his callback with Gap Kids, he's in. If he runs headlong into a doorknob in order to disfigure himself, he's out. You may hate him for throwing away all that money, but try not to let it show that often. I read once that if you let your son know you resent him because he didn't let you make a lot of cash off his looks, he'll grow up to be a dick.