We've more or less spared you guys from cliched "top 10" gift guide hell—Bestmodo tag and our separate Giftmodo site aside—but some people like that kind of thing. Scouring through actual, dead-tree magazines, over at Slate, our own do-it-all Brendan Koerner lifts and separates the fruitcakes from the peppermint schnapps to see which gift guides you should furtively snap pictures of in Barnes & Noble to map out your descent into mall madness.