November 14, 2011

Last summer's comedy Bad Teacher, with Cameron Diaz as a bad teacher, finished up in domestic theaters with exactly $100 million in box office revenue (plus another $115 million abroad), which is a lot for a comedy with a $20 million budget. A friend argues that Bad Teacher represents perhaps the first distinctly Post-Obama hit movie, a scalding reaction to the sanctimoniousness that propelled Obama to the White House. Perhaps.

I go automatically to any movie imdb users love but the sanctimonious free associating Roger Ebert hates. This one imdb users seemed to hate as well, so I gave it a miss. But now I'm thinking it's worth an Amazon rental. I fail to see how it could make $100 million in ticket sales if the movie is as lousy as the public polls suggest.

I think The Hangover, while less calculatingly anti-PC and probably also less entertaining, is more definitive as the against-the-grain hit for the times. Compared with the 50s-60s most H'wood releases are fairly sanctimonious now, even the moronic college guy flicks.

I don't think many people have come to terms with the fact that a large cohort of our citizens is literally incapable of participating in a market economy. They are so present-oriented they have no marketable skills. They wouldn't even be able to justify the caloric input for slavery.

You guys don't just suck, you slurp. Where's Sailer? Is he really dead? I kinda hate him yet miss him at the same time. The guy's like a bad drug.

Could you at least try a little more explication of your theory? Like:

Everyone knows that no teacher who looks like Cameron Diaz would make it into her 30's without snagging a rich husband. Still, I suspended my disbelief long enough to give the director a chance to tell the story.

There are a lot of subversive scenes in that movie, but the most shocking one to a modern sensibility is this one:

Elizabeth Halsey: Look Carl, I know that you are a very busy man; so I'm just gonna get right down to it. I've been speaking to various...uh...black citizens, who allege that your tests are biased toward white people and orientals.

Carl Halabi: Okay. Lemme tell you something right away. "A"... Orientals test better. "B"... every couple of years we get these cockamamie charges coming in from various parts of the state and - lemme duh-dat - You should hear the things that they call me! Racist. Faggatron. Faggy Hitler. Dick breath. Ok? But, I... am not a racist. I voted for Barack Obama. You can quote me on that.

WOW. Ok, that might be the first time I've ever seen accusations of "racism" played for laughs as a completely bogus, cynical charge in a mainstream Hollywood movie.

I don't think there's any shortage of talented young actresses, although it may take longer to make the top these days. Consider Amy Adams, who is a beautiful woman adept at comedy, drama, and singing. But it took her until her late 20s to get a breakout role in a low budget film (Junebug).

In general, movies can be divided into big budget movies aimed at teenage males and low budget prestige films. Neither category is particularly oriented toward coming up with very young, very talented actresses.

I was going to mention that girl from "Winter's Bone", but Steve beat me to it. I had to check wikipedia to get the name though. The adults in that movie are all worthless, which helps to highlight the incongruity of the mature responsible youngster.

I suppose the HBD thing to say is that screwy parents are going to have screwy kids, but we like movies about the unusual exceptions that help give Malcolm Gladwell a career.

Ah yes, January Jones. So breathtakingly beautiful but such a bad actress. Except, that is, in the one role she is known for: Betty Draper. I think she's been very effective in Mad Men, maybe because the character is herself rather stiff, withdrawn, and uncomfortable. I wonder which came first. Did they initially conceive of the character that way, or did they just decide to go with the only way Jones could play it?

Oh sorry I forgot, giving ranks to movies would be way too judemental and 20th Century for those global citizens, it bit like deciding what they are actually protesting about and electing a coherent spokesman (sorry spokeperson of colour).

Agnostic, I neglected to mention Dirty Harry a few weeks ago in that post about the end of hippie illusions, but it was surely the movie that laid the last sods of dirt on the idea of coming to San Francisco with a flower in you hair. Gilbert P.

I had thought of Keira Knightley, because I had just seen her on television the other day, in King Arthur, and immediately dismissed her as being too scrawny and too butch.

Dr Who's companion needs some curves, and she needs to ooze a sense of female sexuality [even if only in a "sexy librarian" kinduva way].

I also thought of Scarlett Johansson - she has the curves, but she doesn't have "it" - whatever the "it" is that you would want for Dr Who. Her brand of glassy-eyed deer-in-the-headlights bimbo stupidity was perfect for Pearl Earring, and even for Black Dahlia, but it wouldn't work for Dr Who's companion.

Didn't think of Anne Hathaway, but, as Dr Who's companion, she would just scream "camp" - and I don't want a "campy" Dr Who movie, I want a sober Dr Who movie [ideally with the look & feel of, say, something like Terry Gilliam's Brazil, and preferably with some serious, adult-oriented turn of events, like, say, Dr Who's companion actually getting pregnant, and Dr Who being confronted with the spectre of becoming a father (maybe the baby could be born in the sequel)].

Zooey Deschanel? See camp, as above. [She also has very sharp, boney lines - and, to reiterate, Dr Who's lady friends need some meat on them.]

Beyond that, I really don't know any of the other chicks.

PS: Sitting here thinking about it, if Lindsay Lohan weren't a kleptomaniacal drug-addled sanitarium escapee, and if she could manage a plausible British accent, then she might actually fit the bill - she's got the rack that you would want in a Dr Who companion [easily C-cups, maybe even D-cups during that time of the month when she's retaining water], and she also has the twinkle in her eye that she would need to keep up with Dr Who's pace of action. And she was born in 1985, so she's only 26.

PPS: If you want to see the PERFECT companion movie, then get ahold of a copy of The Girl in the Café. Ignore all of the idiotic de-rigueur BBC political correctness, and just concentrate on the chemistry between Kelly Macdonald & Bill Nighy [Victor in the Underworld franchise] - holy cow, is it a monumental performance.

If you've only ever seen her in No Country, then you've got but just the slightest hint of what's in her repertoire.

Jennifer Lawrence is rather awesome. In real life, her character would enlist in the Army the day after high school and never look back (the recruiter in Winter Bone was played by a real Army recruiter).

What's interesting about the movie Zodiac is watching Inspector Dave Toschi's visceral dislike of Dirty Harry (he walks out of the film premiere) and yet... The likely suspect to be the Zodiac killer walked because the police in the 1970s were inefficient and, frankly, not hard-nosed enough. For example, the suspect was a convicted felon found in possession of a rifle, yet the cops let him go. Today he'd automatically be kicked to the Feds for a mandatory 5 year sentence on a gun charge.

Personally I think liberals have just finally arrived at the Stalinist position: when the Five Year Plan to turn blacks into geniuses like the President doesn't appear to have worked shoot a lot of people at the bottom who have obviously failed to carry out their duties correctly. The Plan cannot have failed therefore the people tasked with putting it into operation have. Eliminate the wreckers.

Plus: Hollywood executives & producers don't generally send their children to state schools. Or the ones they do attend are full of the children of rich Hollywood executives. I doubt that criticizing the average state employed, unionized high school teacher bothers these guys much.

Bad Teacher really is the first movie to go capture post-hopey/changey cynicism zeitgeist. Very strange, this movie. It did good business and, like you, I thought it was hilarious--but it got bad reviews on IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, and Amazon.

Best line, by Amy Squirrel at the end:

"When the superintendent personally asks you to work at one of the worst schools in the state, well, you say yes! And boy I am looking forward to bringing my brand of zany energy to those under privileged students, at Malcolm X High School. "

Just to prove Britain leads the world I would like to point to the Channel 4 TV series Teachers (2001-04) which did everything this movie did week after week for several years on UK television. Nonetheless, the Left PC panzer division rolls on unaffected. In fact the persons most likely to enjoy a depiction of bad teacher behaviour (profanity, casual sex, drug usage, alcoholism, lack of any ability at teaching) are The Guardian readership (mostly composed of teachers in state schools and colleges).

I fail to see how it could make $100 million in ticket sales if the movie is as lousy as the public polls suggest.

Two words: Adam Sandler.

He has never made a decent movie that didn't star Drew Barrymore.

And now here's my question: Can anyone name a really serious "movie" actress who is less than 30 years old?

Natalie Portman was born in '81, if you count her as "serious" - she didn't do too horribly in "Thor," though it wasn't really a demanding role. I've almost forgiven her for "V" and for the Star Wars triple disaster.

For lead Dr. Who girl I nominate the Irishwoman looks the part and can play both serious and camp. She'll be 32 next month.

BAD TEACHER earned a 31% Fresh rating from the "Top Critics" on Rotten Tomatoes. Since such non-luminaries as Jeremy Heilman (MovieMartyr.com), Felix Vasquez Jr (Cinema Crazed), and Anders Wotzke (Cut Print Review) constitute the "Top Critics" on Rotten Tomatoes, does Steve or any of you others know what criteria R.T. uses to elevate a movie critic to that august and coveted title?

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