Thursday, 11 December 2014

DCC Campaign Update: Inhuman Freudian Terror at Ice Dome Zero

-the realization that even protected by a dome, they were somewhere really fucking cold.

-that the central power sphere of the dome was apparently missing.

-that their cleric was too, after the previous night's patron-induced orgy.

-that "what happens in x, stays in x" has become the motto of the party.

-that there were traces of suspicious slime in the dome.

-that no slime is ever a good slime.

-that the "totally abandoned" dome might not be as totally abandoned as Sezrekan made it out to be.

-that the outside of the dome might be populated by abominable snowmen, or yetii, or sasquatches. Or some damn thing.

-almost immediately thereafter, that the Sasquatches(Sasquatchii?) are inside the dome!

-that the dwarf Feld, son of Feldstein may have been kidnapped by Yetises. Possibly slimy yetises.

-that for some damn reason, pluralizing tundra-monsters is tough.

-that in spite of being frozen, powerless and an apparently sasquatch-filled deathtrap, Ice Dome Zero is not without its charms. Charms like laser pistols, blaster pistols, laser rifles, blaster rifles, and 24 cobalt limpet mines. Also parkas.

-the sudden epiphany that their mysterious enemies might not be abominable snowmens at all, but just guys in primitive parkas. Albeit slimy parkas.

-that the best plan they have is to seal the door and cast sequester.

-that the above plan may have been for naught, as Feld is back and acting really weird.

-that Feld wants them to come with him to what is clearly some kind of obvious trap.

-that "she" is waiting for them, and really loves them, and just wants to care for them.

-that "she", as it turns out, is in fact a giant slug-creature called the Gorlax, that exudes addictive love-slime out of its spike-nipples.

-that discovering this turn of events in the middle of seeing a bunch of the Gorlax's Cold Mutant love-slaves "feeding" was not the most appetizing way of discovering the truth. But at least it turns out that there were no sasquatches after all.

-that unfortunately, what is there, in the volcanic cave under Ice Dome Zero, is a giant emotionally-needy love-smothering Slug-monster, about 20 Cold Mutants, a dozen little (still giant) slugs, and one recent dwarf convert.

-that fighting the gorlax and her forces from a safe distance doesn't protect you, when the narcotic effect of her freshly exuded panic-slime is transmissible by scent.

-that once you've suckled love-slime from one of the gorlax's spike-nipples, you start to question whether there isn't good slime after all.

-that when everyone else in the party is suddenly experiencing a weird codependent girlfriend/mother Freudian love thing with a giant slug, its time for Bill the Elf to run like hell, and consider blowing the entire dome to shit just to save his own ass.

-that in the middle of all these Freudian connotations, casting charm person on a dwarf under the Gorlax's slime-induced "in a relationship"-status only generate an even worse child-of-divorce type emotionally-paralyzing conflict.

-that when you're trying to avoid being affected by airborne slime pheromones, you're willing to go to desperate measures, including taping a plastic bag full of water over your head.

-that air-filter masks from the Dome's lab is probably an easier solution.

-that the Gorlax really isn't evil. She just wants to love all men, and for all men to love her in a dependent and emotionally-supportive way and to listen to her interesting conversation.

-that actually, she also does have a plan to reproduce hundreds more little gorlaxes and take over the world. But she's doing it because of the love!

-that any possibility of finding an easy way out of this (potentially involving lava) evaporates when it becomes clear that the reason why this particular giant slug monster is so large and so powerful is that at some point she ate the Dome's Powersphere.

-that when all other options fail, the only solution left is apparently to create a distraction to get some of the Gorlax's slime-tripping boyfriends out of the way and shoot the living fuck out of her.

-that in the end the Gorlax's death only leaves anyone who's tasted her sweet sweet slime-milk feeling despondent and depressed in the knowledge that never again will they feel a love as pure and tender as when they were suckling on the spike-nipple of a giant slug monster.

-that after everything seems resolved an the powersphere is recovered, there's still a dozen little slug-monsters crawling around the dome to deal with.

-that to top it all off, even with the powersphere the dome's systems don't actually work.

-that when nothing else could go wrong, Feld son of Feldstein comes back with a hundred Cold Mutant warriors at his back.

-that the Cold Mutants had always known Ice Dome Zero as the "Forbidden Place", and dreaded the monsters that would come to steal some of their men from the tribe; but when Feld actually explained to them that the Gorlax would give them warmth and food, suddenly it was paradise to them.

-that the discovery that the elves, who had kept them out in the cold even before the monsters, have now killed the creature that could have been feeding and warming them all this time, is enough to drive the Cold Mutants into a murderous elf-killing rage.

-that everything gets smoothed over by a Very Dwarvish Coup, when Qomos the dwarf and Feld the dwarf conspire to have the Cold Mutants move into the Dome with them, and to even spare the elves as long as the elves will now be the Dome's slaves.

-that apparently, Bill the Elf is not pleased with his dreams of finally having an elven Dome as his own personal Fortress of Solitude is dashed when he's going to be a 'slave' (even if just a pretend one to placate the Cold Mutants) and instead Qomos the Dwarf gets to be the dome's "Decider".