On hold.

It feels like most of my posts recently, even those that have been reviews have also included a whole lot of whinging about my state of health, so I thought I’d dedicate a whole post to it, and then do the reviews that are outstanding without quite so much negativity leaking in. Might work anyway.

So, recap. Back in November I realised that I was sinking into what I thought at the time was a pit of depression, so I hauled myself off to the doctors’ for some help.

I was prescribed anti depressants, given a battery of blood tests to check that there wasn’t anything else going on after last year’s vitamin D fun and games, and handed a sheaf of links to online CBT services.

Within a not very long time, I started developing what I assumed were side effects. A tremor, particularly when trying to do things like take photographs, draw or type. (In other words, all the things I do for fun or for work.) And rather than getting less tired, I got more. The anxiety dropped off a bit, which was good. So did my appetite and weight, not quite so good.

I checked in with the pharmacist who agreed that the tremor could well be a side effect and advised to hang in there. And then on a med check I talked to the GP who didn’t think it was, and ordered yet more blood tests, worried that my thyroid could be poisoning me.

Time for a surprise. My thyroid is very much not poisoning me – it’s doing a whole lot of not very much, as it’s under auto immune attack from my own body. That’s called Hashimoto’s apparently, and the good news, said the doctor cheerfully over the phone, is that it’s very treatable with thyroxine and what’s more if you’re prescribed that, you get free prescriptions.

I’m going to want a little bit more from the next silver lining in life I’m afraid!

So since January, I’ve been waiting for the thyroxine to take effect. I’m still waiting. I’ve got my first blood test next week, but if symptoms are anything to go on, I’m going to need an increase, because I’m still exhausted all the time, regardless of how much time I’ve spend in bed, I’ve still got a tremor, and I’m getting all sorts of odd aches and pains if I do anything like carrying a shopping bag back from town. I’m so tired all the time that it’s actually made me tearful a few times, not least when I had to cancel the photowalk I was going to go on with Three, to test out one of their lovely new S9 phones. (Fortunately for me, the PR involved has heard of Hashimotos and was incredibly understanding and I might get to go on another walk soon.)

Right at the moment, it feels like I’m on hold, waiting for things to get better. Hard, but it could be a whole lot worse I guess.

Sorry to hear you are still suffering. I really wish I lived closer and I am always here for you. I feel for you so much. I hope they can get the right dose for you soon and things start to improve. Lots of love xx

You poor thing. It’s excruciating waiting for medications to work, especially when it has a major impact on your daily life. Take care of yourself. You will get through it, even if it doesn’t feel like that now. X