Choice of Death

Summary:Breaking Dawn Spoilers Nessie & Jacob are finally married but it might end soon. Nessie had a decision to make and she's made it but Jacob finds it hard to understand because he wants her with him always. Reviews help me write faster... I swear it's true! :)

5. Renesme's Reasoning

I leaned back in my chair thinking about how to start. Alice’s explanation had made sense, but I had hoped never to have to explain my decision, not in person… I’d planned to leave behind a letter…

I sighed, “There is a war coming.”

Alice leaned even further into the table, but said nothing. The silence was uncanny as the forest usually buzzed.

“Marcus came to me a while back, once he knew that I was pregnant. - No one knows this by the way, not even Jacob. He told me that once I’d given birth to my child I would be… welcome… to join his cause. That by then it would be time… ”

I looked away gathering my strength…

“He chose me… Because he saw me as central in the family… Reasoning that if I were… to leave… both my vampire and extended shape-shifting family would fight for me. My baby he promised to leave alone.”

Alice nodded, “Yes, that makes sense. Although the promise made concerning your child, don’t look upon that too lightly.”

Nodding, I continued, “I told them that I would join them as soon as the baby was born and settled, that I would do as they pleased as long as in the process they did not hurt my family. If my family chose not to fight for me, that should be respected. If you were to join their cause then I would be returned to you. If not… Then they would… keep me. I swore to do as I had promised and he knew I meant every word, he has that power. – To determine relationships and loyalty.”

I laughed cruelly, “Marcus picked up on the fact that I kept saying ‘they’ and he asked me what I meant. I said that I thought the Volturi wanted me and at that he simply chuckled. He told me that he would no longer act as part of the Volturi… That soon he would be free. Aro would be… taken care of… And Caius and him would take control. I didn’t see why… But then he told me of his wife, Didyme, and how Aro had killed her, suddenly it made sense.

“Marcus only stayed with the Volturi because he knew he could not find happiness elsewhere with Didyme gone. Chelsea ensured that he felt bound to the Volturi, although she didn’t need much: he was distraught with no intention of leaving… However Chelsea should have been more vigorous when attempting to control Marcus’s loyalty. As soon as Marcus found out about his wife, he was in control of emotions strong enough to break the bond that held him to the Volturi. He had Chelsea killed and chaos ensued.

“Caius was then to be reckoned with. With Aro, the peacekeeper, gone he had no desire to share power with Marcus… Anyway, Marcus and Caius have been building armies, ready to fight one another. And Marcus wants the shape-shifters on his side… As you know Caius is afraid of them after having been attacked by the Children of the Moon centuries ago. Because I have ties with the La Plush wolves… I was seen as… influential enough to make that dream possible. – With the added bonus of the Cullens, thrown in for free. He’s been giving me updates ever since…”

Alice took a moment to absorb the information, “I see. I haven’t been tracking the Volturi and their future… They’ve promised to stay out of our lives and whilst I’ve been looking every now and then… I suppose I wasn’t thorough enough… But I am confused: you sacrifice your life because…?”

“I cannot decide,” I whispered, suddenly exhausted. “Caius would be the wrong ruler for the Volturi, that much is certain. And yet Marcus wants to completely dismantle the Volturi… With the Volturi gone no one will do as they have previously. Our cover will be completely blown and we will be openly feared in public. As a result we’ll be hunted and we will hunt in return. Absolute chaos… Marcus can track changes in my loyalty, and by choosing to die I ensure that I can remain loyal to my promise whilst still not giving him what he wants. Without me the shape-shifters will not join Marcus and if they do… That is their right: they, and you, can choose from infinite, untainted, possible paths.”

“In the beginning I thought it was… I didn’t want Jacob or anyone else to be forced into joining a side… I knew that you would do what you could to get me back, I was certain you would join Marcus to save me. I wasn’t able to tell you because I feared that you would sway me and my loyalties would change. Marcus would know... And I feared what he may do. Your decision, and Jacob’s decision could change the world. It affects the world. I didn’t want to be the reason it fell apart… I’m not worth that.”

“I see,” she said. “Well, we fight for things that we believe in, you know that. I will gather the family and we will each decide where our loyalties lie and our course of action. Hold tight to your promise; try to convince yourself that you still stay true to Marcus in one way or another. Belief is everything and maybe you can trick him if you try hard enough.”

I laughed, “I think he knows my indecision… I’m expecting another visit from him soon… I’ve been torn between leaving Jacob and staying with him. But I love him so much… I’d sacrifice myself for him and his freedom in the blink of an eye…”

“Yes, you get that from Edward,” her eyes sparkled as she laughed. “He has the same… sacrificial tendencies for Bella. But don’t we all?”

I smiled. My father… I really wanted to see him.

“I’m glad you told me, see you soon,” with that she stood and ran away.

I sat there alone. I was silly to think otherwise. I had been ready to throw away my life on the hope that Marcus would respect his promise. I had kept secrets from my family and made decisions on their behalf when I should have let them decide what to do...

I really was young and stupid. I guess I grew up too fast; I never had to deal with lies and betrayal… Everyone around me I trusted. Gosh, I was so naïve.

Behind me there was a crack as Jacob stood on a twig. I ran to him. There were tears in his eyes, “I heard everything.”

I sobbed into his chest, “I will stay with you, no matter what. I will hold on for you and for our little baby girl. I was silly to think I could leave you. I’m so sorry, I should have told you.”

We stood wrapped in each other’s arms until my family arrived. All of them. Beside them were the wolves and Billy Black. Everyone I cared about was with me now and I knew that together we would work this out.

I smiled up to Jacob, “let’s go inside. I’ll put the kettle on for the wolves.”

Emmett laughed, “see? Better to be a vampire, less hassle for the hosts! Now come here and give me a hug. I missed you so much, the wolves can wait for their flippin’ tea.”

Edward and Bella piped up, “Oy! Us first!”

Laughter erupted around the clearing. I felt hopeful for the first time in a long time, but I knew not to get ahead of myself. There were always consequences when you went against members of the Volturi. I was sure that this wasn’t an exception.