February 3, 2013

God holds press conference on prayer for Super Bowl teams

HEAVEN -- The Almighty Creator of the Heavens and the Earth announced at a press conference today that any prayers asking Him to intervene for either the San Francisco 49ers or the Baltimore Ravens tonight will be met with silence. The Ancient of Days confirmed that He does not nor has He ever answered a football-related prayer. "Yeah, I really don't care about football," said the Lord of Hosts. "I just watch the game for the commercials and the snacks, but that's about it. And let me tell you, at 9 p.m. I'm switching over to 'Downton Abbey.' I want to find out what happens to that baby. Sigh, I wish they had listened to Dr. Clarkson. Bunch of fools."