The week that was

The big news of the week was that Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa and combatant of apartheid, died at the age of 95. President Obama said something insulting about him: “I am one of the countless millions who drew inspiration from Nelson Mandela’s life.”

Liberals continue to deny the reality of the “Knockout Game,” in which young black males target strangers and try to knock them out in one punch. Since black teenagers have a history of violence, the knockout game is not a phenomenon, they say. All bad habits should be ignored.

Pope Francis has been saying some puzzling things about capitalism that make him sound like a socialist. The Holy Pontiff needs to realize that poverty is good for popes, but not for everyone else.

Ice storms have been ravaging the Mid-West. Global warming alarmists have all moved to the equator where they can continue their crusade.

And now for the news we’ve all been waiting for: “Researchers have discovered that caffeine can shorten life expectancy, while alcohol can increase it.” Human Events has installed a keg in lieu of a coffee maker. Beer helmets are more efficient for typing, anyway.