My journey with bipolar disorder.

Recipes

My husband said this recipe is the best low carb/keto dessert I have made to date. That is saying something considering how many we have tried.

Considering I made a number of changes I decided to share so all of my tweaks could be in one place. I did follow the original fairly closely, and you can find that post at the bottom after the recipe, courtesy of Wholesome Yum.

Sex in a Pan Dessert

Sex in a Pan Dessert

INGREDIENTS

Pecan Crust

3/4cupPecan meal(or make it by grinding pecans in a food processor or blender)

3tbsperythritol

1/2cupButter(measured solid, then melted)

Cream Cheese Layer

3/8cupHeavy cream

3/8cup erythritol

3/4tspVanilla extract

12ozCream cheese(softened)

Chocolate Layer

1 1/2cupHeavy cream

1 1/2 cupUnsweetened coconut milk

1/2cuperythritol

4.5ozbaker’s chocolate(chopped)

3tbspButter

1 1/2tspXanthan gum

1 1/2 tspVanilla extract

Whipped Cream Layer

2 1/4cupHeavy cream

2tbsperythritol

3/4tspVanilla extract

1/2ozbaker’s chocolate(shaved using a peeler, grater, or shaver)

INSTRUCTIONS

More tips about this recipe in the post above!

Crust

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line a “9×13” baking dish with parchment paper, one of the pre-cut pieces fit perfectly.

In a large bowl, stir together almond flour, pecan meal (I blended pecans in my blendtec), and erythritol. Stir in melted butter until a crumbly dough forms. Press evenly into the lined baking dish.

Bake for 14-16 minutes, until golden and firm. Set aside to cool, it can be put in the fridge to cool more quickly.

Cream Cheese Layer

While the crust is baking, make the cream cheese layer. Use a stand mixer to beat the cream, vanilla extract, and erythritol together, until stiff peaks form. Gradually beat in the softened cream cheese, an ounce at a time, until well combined.

Once the crust has cooled, spread the cream cheese mixture evenly over it.

Chocolate Layer

While the crust is cooling, make the chocolate pudding layer. In a medium saucepan, combine the heavy cream, coconut milk, baker’s chocolate, butter, and erythritol. Cook over medium-low to low heat, stirring frequently, until the chocolate is melted and erythritol dissolves (about 5-10 minutes). Be careful not to get the heat too high to avoid burning the chocolate.

Gradually sprinkle the xanthan gum into the saucepan a 1/4 tsp at a time (don’t just dump it in) and immediately whisk to incorporate. Continue to heat for about 5 minutes, whisking constantly. Remove from heat, then whisk in the vanilla extract.

Cool the chocolate pudding for 15 minutes (it will thicken, but still be liquid). Stir/whisk again after cooling, then pour it over the cream cheese layer.

Cover with plastic wrap, making sure it’s directly against the surface to prevent a film forming. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours, or overnight.

Whipped Cream Layer

Use a stand mixer to beat the cream, vanilla extract, and erythritol together, until stiff peaks form.

Spread the whipped cream over the chocolate layer. Sprinkle chocolate shavings on top.

Refrigerate for 1-2 more hours (or as long as needed until serving) to fully set. I was able to serve it immediately if you’re in a rush, and this step can wait until the next day if you cool the chocolate layer overnight.

This week has been crap! But seriously, I have had 4 cheat meals, and none of them were really planned. Most of them were related to my church calling. I volunteer with young women ages 16-18. They are so much fun and I love the calling. However, our church culture is centered around food. So many times we have treats. It is a bonding thing that extends to our entire American culture.

I, however, have gained a couple pounds this week. I broke 120! I know that is many people’s goal to get down to or goal to lose, but I’m still going to go at least to 125 maybe even 135. It is a healthy weight for me. Also, I can tell that my tummy is more toned. This tells me that hopefully I have lost fat and gained muscle.

My hubby didn’t lose this week but basically maintained. He isn’t sleeping well. He is in a lot of pain as he has kidney stones. Hopefully, they can pass and he can start getting better sleep again. He loses a lot more when he sleeps the full amount and regular hours.

Keto is going well, but we could both do better. Him with sleep, and me with staying on plan a little better.

On another note, I have been writing up a storm. I finished my first romance novel, and I started on my second one. I am editing the first and working with my incredible cover designer. She is also helping me with a couple other projects including getting my cover done for my first book for print.

I’m going to include a few reviews on the back cover as well as a short synopsis. Then it will be available for print. I know some people want that option as it is easier to share and give as a gift as well as reference and take notes in for the future.

I’m also considering creating a companion workbook but it’s not exciting me right now. I’m trying to ride my energy and put it in the most productive places.

Unfortunately, that is something you learn to do with the hypomania as a bipolar person.

I’m working hard though to work during the depression as well. I watched a YouTube video on just that. A family member shared it with me. I love that she was kind enough to read my book and knows what to recommend to me. I loved it.

Until next week, remember to follow me on Instagram @balancingmybipolar for recipes and to follow my keto journey daily.

It makes sense though. We have been sleeping horribly and working our butts off. Food has come third and needs to be moved up on the list again.

On the plus side all that hard work produced what I think are amazing results in our rental apartment. It looks so good. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Here are the before and after videos ;).

I am so impressed with the apartment. We got it rented today! New tenant signed the rental agreement and paid part of the money. She will have more tomorrow and be moving in then. So exciting to be landlords. It’s something we always wanted to do.

Ideally we would like to have multiple rental properties. Mostly duplexes so that we can get the best rates and live in one side and then rent the other. One day hopefully that will be a reality. It’s also a way to try out living in other areas and be able to rent and move elsewhere if we don’t like it.

We procrastinated the last minute steps pretty badly. We ended up painting and cleaning and installing about 20 last minute things this whole weekend. Plus carpet cleaning twice because my toddler spilled paint when we were basically done. Oh the horror!

I have a few photos of cleaning before and afters. I used a Norwex Envirocloth and marble cleaning powder to do all my cleaning. It was A-mazing. So many things that would have taken forever or never come off at all.

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Isn’t it pretty! It isn’t perfect, but oh so much better and that tub is literally gleaming. So many things I swear have never been so clean haha. The walls were gross. I now need to go back to my side of the house and clean it top to bottom. Slowly but surely. We also want to use the extra paint to do our living room and dining room in the same blue gray. It’s so pretty. I want it!

Well it’s been a crazy busy week but we will keep trucking on. If you have some fun keto wins I would love to hear about it. Especially if they have to do with mental illness. I would love to hear your experiences and/or questions.

Hubby lost 3.2 lbs this week. Woohoo! He cut down a bit on portions and snacks but it just worked this week. He also worked out a bit because he couldn’t sleep 😂😂.

I gained almost 2 lbs! Yes we are both moving in the right direction. Hooray.

We did a few less recipes this week. I enjoyed clearing out the fridge and the break.

I have now reached 25,000 words written on my second book. I think another 10-15k and I may be ready to start editing and writing book 2. I’m trying to get to where I’m publishing a book a month. I know it can be done because I know an author who does it and does it well.

Keto has been so amazing. I love that I can have dessert and it’s good for me. Good fats. I love how many vegetables I’m eating. And since switching to me cooking for my husband he has had way fewer cravings and issues like that. What a miracle!

I feel full and I love making progress with weight gain. Plus I don’t have to eat as much because it’s all full of fat. So nice for those of us who struggle to gain weight.

We made pizza with fathead dough yesterday. It was very good. I rolled out the dough between two parchment paper sheets and precooked the crust. You could pick it up and eat it like regular pizza. And my husband said it was the best I had made. Haha he almost always says that. I’m sure I get better at cooking but he is also an amazing husband.

My goal for this summer is to figure out keto freezer meals and Crock-Pot meals. I know I will need them when I get depressed.

This week was a little disappointing. I lost .6 lbs which is going in reverse for me, and my hubby maintained. Seems like I need to adjust. I need to workout more and I think I need to be more intentional about portion control for him.

Something I’m going to start doing is filling his plate with a reasonable portion and then leaving the rest in the kitchen to be packaged. That way if I or the girls want more we can get it but he doesn’t know how much there is or feel as much desire to keep eating.

I did work out once last week yay for the blog pushing me. However it has been crazy pants over here with trying to get our apartment ready to rent. Between walk throughs, no shows from walkthroughs and getting repairs and cleaning done and doing everything normal in our own home there hasn’t been a lot of extra time.

That and I started writing a second book!! Happy dance!! It’s fiction this time, a Christian romance about a girl who has bipolar disorder. I’m thinking about submitting it to Hallmark as well since they are accepting manuscripts this year.

We are making progress though. The shower is all done and looking amazing.

We also got a light in and just have mostly little things left and a few doors to install.

I’m loving keto. We made some awesome recipes this week including two pumpkin desserts. Out of season I know. They were very yummy though.

I’m slowly working through my overfull fridge from shopping while hypomanic and not listening to my own stops. Ugh. I had a voice screaming in my head that I’m spending too much and I did not listen. The compulsion was very strong. So I put myself on a spending hiatus for a month.

So far that is going well and it tends to give me the break I need to see we have too much and it’s good timing since we need to clear out our second fridge and give it to the renters to use.

This post has been an update on many things and all over the place a little like my brain is right now. However, I have to say how much I am loving writing right now. It is so much fun and my capacity is increasing significantly. Some days I have written over 3k words which never used to happen.

I didn’t get a scale picture today. Maybe next week. I think I’m back down around 114. Maybe my clothes helped me last week. Hehe.

So this week has gone soo well. I have been killing my calorie goals and macros. Keeping carbs around 60-80 gross. It’s hard to tell fiber with the app I’m in without paying premium which I’m not doing for now. I’m sure I could figure it out but honestly I’m not too worried.

I feel awesome. I didn’t experience any keto flu this time and haven’t been having muscle cramps or anything from imbalanced electrolytes. It’s been so easy to eat this way. I cook dinner, have leftovers the next day for lunch, an easy smoothie for breakfast and then cook something new again for dinner.

I love variety in my diet so it’s fun to try a new recipe each day. I don’t know when I will start repeating. Maybe some day or by request from my husband.

Tomorrow he wants me to make him kimchi stew. He loves it but it’s not my favorite so I will do that for his lunch and eat my leftover soup which there is really only enough for one anyway so that works out.

Tomorrow I plan on making these amazing biscuits and eggs for dinner. They are always a winner and pretty easy. Be sure to follow me on Instagram @balancingmybipolar to get that recipe and many more.

Alright so it’s been one week. I have dropped water weight which is always a good sign that ketosis is taking place. I went down from 118 to 114.4. I’m back up now to 116.2.

As you can see in the picture. That is encouraging to me and I will keep trying to up my calories. The goal is at least 2000 calories and more when I’m working out. Probably around 2250. It is just so hard for me to eat that much.

I know that is insane for the majority of people and so hard to understand. I have a very strong fullness trigger. So much so that if I barely overeat I want to throw up and get sick. Not pleasant so I have learned to avoid getting there and it has kept me at a healthy weight. The problem comes when I want to be stronger and hold more muscle I have to work my butt off.

I have enjoyed some new recipes this week. You can find most of them on Instagram as I post there daily at @balancingmybipolar. I also post my macros for the day.

It worked well to do meals for my hubby and just like the first time I tried keto before my last pregnancy it was much easier than I thought it would be. I have cooked for my husband for so many years that it isn’t too bad. My biggest problem is like with anything finding something that sounds good.

So excited to start #keto with my hubby again tomorrow. He really struggles with overeating, I have the opposite problem normally. I am hoping that by me cooking and serving him food that he can destress and not think about it and focus on other things and finally have some more success.
For me I’m going to be a human guinea pig and document my journey daily/weekly with what I’m eating and measurements etc. 😜😲 I want to see how it affects my #bipolar especially the hypomania. Since that is where I’m at.

I also want to try to gain on it and just see how I feel.

I recently found out I have a lactose sensitivity so that should help a lot with staying away from milk.

I will not by strictly on keto. I’m still nursing so until that’s over I need to keep my carbs around 50 net instead of 20. So I will snack to get the difference above my hubby.

Also his calories will be around 1750. Mine 2200+ haha. We will see if I can bulk and he can shrink 😉 Pics to come tomorrow after weigh in ;).

I have decided to make a shift in how I will be running my blog. Instead of writing my blog and then coming out with a book I’m going to start writing my book now. I think because of this that I will be mainly focusing on my project 333 posts and my side posts and holding off on my memoir post for now until I have a better idea what direction I want to take with them.

I would like to get the book written and then be able to take a chapter or an idea from the book and elaborate some from it. I don’t want to duplicate content too much but I would like to make some of the content free if people want that option.

I will continue posting on a weekly basis and maybe twice weekly sometimes. I have been thinking about the book and waffling with what to do about the blog. Now that I have decided how I want to move forward I’m hoping I will be able to do so with confidence.

I would like to make my first food post soon. I think it will be when I make my keto enchiladas for Conrad. I have been eating about half keto half regular recently. I am not ready to take the full plunge, especially while nursing. However, I enjoy cooking that way and I think it can be a great option for many people.

When I do make the enchiladas I will get footage for a video. Until then I will have to figure out a logo for my videos and how I want them to look.

I love cooking and it is definitely something I want to share with you all.

I decided to make a video to make sure I’m not adding to the negative talk in your head. Maybe I will anyway but I want to be real with you and not come off as all the perfect online people who let’s be honest aren’t real and make us all, bipolar or not, feel like failures. I don’t want to be a source of further depression. Quite the opposite I would like to be a source of balance and understanding.

So hereis my kitchen in all its horrifying glory. I wanted to start video posts for recipes like all the ones you see on Facebook. But I wanted a cute new background instead of my ugly pink tiles. So enter Miss Madi a cute online shop. She sells the cutest decor. She also sells strips and washi tape. You can check them out here.

So first I had to clean my entire kitchen. Luckily I’m not in the depths of depression although I’m not sky high either I’m definitely in some form of hypomania. I’m irritable and wanting to go all the time whether mentally or physically or both. So it took me a number of hours to get it clean. You can see that process here. (Click on the photo to see the video).

Now it is all clean including those darn tiles and I can start laying out the entire decor. It is a nine tile pattern so you have to vary it a little to make it look cute but I am loving the results. I ran out ⅔ of the way through but luckily it is easy to get more here.

So I had enough for the place I want my background to be and I’m ready to go. I’m so excited to share my recipes with you that I have found. I love cooking but unfortunately only when I’m hypomanic. I am pretty good at choosing tasty recipes but unfortunately, my texture preferences and needs change dramatically from when I’m manic and get depressed.

One time a few months ago I made a white chicken lasagna and I loved it! So cheesy and delicious I was in heaven. However, I had been making freezer meals for days and going much faster than I should have. I think over the course of three days I had made 6 chicken enchilada casseroles 60 bacon cheddar meatballs 2 pepperoni pizza penne casseroles and 30 or so keto breakfast burritos and then I made these 2 chicken lasagnas. I cleaned up the best I could as I went but it definitely got out of hand and I crashed.

So the next day I go to heat up the lasagna for lunch and I couldn’t only gag down about 5 bites before I just tossed it. Luckily my parents came to my house the next day (they come once a week) and they had no problems with the lasagna, which is a relief that it didn’t suck and sad and frustrating that things change so quickly for me.

So this is where my recipes come in. Often when I’m depressed and hate cooking I resort to things like corn dogs, taquitos, chimichangas, and pizzas to survive those times. It is unhealthy and I have guilt over that since I know proper diet is so essential for balancing my bipolar. However, I am the type that if I don’t eat something easy and simple I wouldn’t eat at all and something is better than nothing.

Enter my solution, homemade freezer meals. This serves as a three fold solution:

It allows me to heat up easy healthy meals when I’m depressed and have zero desire to cook.

It allows me to release some of that anxious energy when I’m hypomanic and obsessed with cooking and consumption. Instead of having a fridge full of leftovers that my young family of 5 can’t eat before they go bad, I am able to stock my freezer and double cook (cook some for now and freeze some for later).

It ensures I have meals on hand so if I am called on to serve my neighbors I can take a meal easily even if I am depressed and feel good about myself while serving others.

I will be making these videos of my favorite go-to freezer meals that always taste good to me. You can also find a board on Pinterest with a few ideas if your tastes are different from mine with ideas for other similar meals that could work.

I am in love with the background. Don’t you just love how it turned out? If you love the look you can duplicate it here.

If you have found strategies that work for you with this shift in textures or had a different experience, please let me know in the comments or shoot me an email :).

Blythe

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