The Smoking Boot

The stories that are so hot that we can’t even look at them without burning a hole in our foreheads…

Which under-fire Premier League manager has taken to whispering his team talks into his assistant’s ear before sitting back and watching as the hapless big-nosed sidekick then relays the instructions to the team via the medium of mime?

Which unfunny Scottish pundit bought the ‘tactics truck’ from ITV1’s ill-fated The Premiership and has adapted it into a mobile disco which he hires out for the secret woodland satanic rituals which are de rigeur among the top flight’s top earners?

Who’s the foreign import who’s actually an hermaphrodite and blames his complicated genital arrangement on a childhood experiment with hydrochloric acid?