As I am writing this note, I find myself in the chemo chair again. Round #3. While driving in bright and early this morning I prayed for God’s grace to receive a negative report and be unmoved. Numbers, words, and reports are all like debris in the wind to me. They swirl and threaten and confuse. Instead I asked myself, what has the Lord said?

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life,so that you and your children may liveand that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the landhe swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Deut. 30:19-20 (NIV)

The past few weeks have been really challenging for me. I went through a few death days. Every single place I turned it was like another puzzle piece that fit within a puzzle called death. Each piece was clarifying a picture of doom. With each additional piece I cried, considered, processed – even wondered if God was resisting me – if He was saying this is the end.

Sometimes my strengths become a weakness. I was processing with my gift of strategy, not my gift of faith. As I read the land, the signpost and the options, I began to project the future. My thinking became cloudy with despair, disappointment and fear. I was being invited to believe the lie that God was abandoning me on the field, in my football uniform (squared up) completely crushed and wounded. I imagined Him looking at me with pity and turning away. I was left defeated. Dead.

As I type these words I am amazed at how easily I can be sucked into the lies of the devil. All of that reasoning produced death in my thinking and aligned me to the wrong head. I was leaning on the wrong gift and slowly, surely surrendering my authority and my future.

Thank God that in His great love for me and in His wisdom, He has heard my cries. He came to me in my pit of fear and accusation and sat with me. He began providing an onslaught of life-changing, thought-revoking, mind- transforming images, prayers, and conversations. He allowed me to process those experiences with Him and gave me an opportunity to make a different choice. I began to ask myself well “What has God said?”

He said square up and fight from a position of rest. He said the battle belonged to Him and that if I would wait upon Him He would scatter, rout and completely disperse my enemies. And finally He said when I had done all He instructed to simply stand. If he gave me all these strategies then He wants me to live. My obedience will be the proof of my love and my trust in Him and Him alone.

I noticed it says all of heaven and earth are called as a witness against me. In my mind’s eye I see all the spectators of heaven and earth looking down into the pit where God and I are talking. They are holding baited breath to see what I will do. Then some shout choose life and others shout choose death. I am in a gladiator ring where the outcome is sure. Someone is going to die. It is me? Or is it cancer? My decision in this moment is so important. So…

I choose life and I choose it carefully, with sober mind and thought. This is not positive or wishful thinking. This is not believing that some how I’m in charge in this situation. This is a faith-filled, anointed, authoritative decision to trust God more than I trust myself.

I choose life and when I choose it I also choose the blessing. I choose to obey so that my children and I will live. I choose according to His good will so that I can love the Lord with my whole heart, hear his voice and cling to Him. I choose life because He is my life and he wants to give me many years in this land.

So with a little (a lot) of help from my friends, over the past few weeks I’ve broken the curse and power of death over my life, broken a generational curse of early death in my family and broken soul ties and alliances with the enemy again. I’ve confessed my weakness, my doubt, my fear of abandonment and received a fresh baptism of faith. I obeyed over a situation that was terrifying and difficult. I’ve had a greater vision and understanding of the term “square up” and I have decided…

I will live and not die and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17

So many of you have gone out of your way to let me know you are lifting me in prayer. Can I invite you to declare life over me with new confidence? I know the good report has yet to come, but it will come. And please don’t stare into your own pit of despair and let the spectators sway you. Christ is with you. Choose life. Choose blessing.

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28 thoughts on “I Choose Life”

So blessed by this word, don’t despair, let hope repair the broken places in the souls. Hold fast to the love God sends every day. It never looks or comes the way we desire, but his way is perfect, and the plans he has for you and your family are good. Praying healing and health for you today.
Life and life more abundantly.
Love and hugs,
Deb 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Yes, you can, Jan! I declare LIFE and LIFE more abundant over Jan this day! Jesus, You said, “Healing is the children’s bread.” Jan is Your daughter. You taught us to pray to the Father, “…Give us this day our daily bread….” I’m asking Jan receive her daily bread (healing)! LIFE, LIFE, LIFE!

Life swallow death…on this side of eternity!

Lord, I ask You strengthen Jan in her innermost being, from the inside out. Let Your life permeate every cell and fiber of her being. I’m asking for the good report to arrive…Lord, send Your Word… Your Word is LIfE!!! Thank You for every word You’ve spoken to Jan…settled forever!!!

Yes and Amen, Pastor Jan! I’m in full agreement with you for the promises in Deut 30:19-20 and Psalm 118:17. My heart was singing as I read your post. I believe our Father is singing and rejoicing over you, His beloved daughter, as well!

Zeph 3:17 The LORD your God in the midst of you is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over you with joy; he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

CHOOSE LIFE. Even facing the cross JESUS chose LIFE. And this weekend we celebrate both. So this weekend, Jan, We speak LIFE over you. We choose LIFE for you and with you. “A vast land is out there and available to you. It is time for us to go our separate ways. You choose your land. If you choose east, I’ll go west. If you choose west, I’ll go east—it’s your call.” Abraham let Lot decide and HE trusted God. CHOOSE LIFE.

Yes & Yes! Choosing life with you! Standing with you for total & complete healing & believing the report of the Lord! You SHALL live & not due to declare the works of the Lord God Almighty!! You are one of the bravest women I know!! So proud to support you & to “square up”

Jan, thanks so much for sharing your struggles and your victories. I choose and declare life for you (and me). I am in my 13th round of weekly chemo. I am squared up with you although at times I feel beat up. I am confident that He who began a good work in us will bring it to completion. You are an incredible inspiration to me and so many others. Bless you, bless you, bless you!

Dear friend- this might be my favorite of all the things you’ve written. You are so bold and courageous and unmoved and yet you are like a new baby learning to walk with this new-found strength and faith. I’m a witness standing with you and yelling WE CHOOSE LIFE!! I am praying and asking heaven to come down and meet you every moment. Love you and I’m with you #allin xoxoxo m

I will stand with you & declare LIFE over you right now. I will thank the Lord with my words out loud for the good report that IS coming. Thank you, Jesus, for Pastor Jan’s healing and with a grateful heart we bow our hearts to a good, good, Father. #stand #youarestrong #Heisfaithful #declaringLIFE

I have been following your blog, but have not heard to respond until now. You are an inspiration to others. You are strong in your might in The Lord. You hear His voice and you follow Him as He leads you. He has come that you might have life, or rather “aliveness” to quote a friend of mine.

I love the revelation of this paragraph – “I noticed it says all of heaven and earth are called as a witness against me. In my mind’s eye I see all the spectators of heaven and earth looking down into the pit where God and I are talking. They are holding baited breath to see what I will do. Then some shout choose life and others shout choose death. I am in a gladiator ring where the outcome is sure. Someone is going to die. It is me? Or is it cancer? My decision in this moment is so important. So…”

My chant is rising into the heavens, CHOOSE LIFE!

I love you, my friend, and I am praying His presence surround, infuse, permeate every cell in your body and His rest and peace envelope you in His great arms of love!