October 25, 2009

Cajun hardly needs an introduction. Love Systems lead instructor extraordinaire, he rose in just over a year from a bootcamp student to Love Systems instructor. At about 5’5, he is shorter than most of his students, most of the women he dates, and most of the competition whenever he goes out. And he blows them away because he understands and can teach dating science better than almost everyone else.

Of course, he is best known as the winner of Keys to the VIP, a pickup competition show. Producers and judges pit men against each other in bars full of beautiful women with specific challenges to find out who is better. Despite the judges picking on Cajun for his lack of height or model-type looks, he blew away the competition and had the most beautiful women all over him – all on national TV.

Today, we turn the flow over to Cajun to learn about the kind of inner game that gives him the kind of confidence to go onto a show like Keys to the VIP and win.

Inner game is probably one of the most popular subjects in dating science. It’s a major sticking point for nearly everyone who has trouble talking to women and it’s a problem that can be difficult to fix as well, since it tends to be rooted in a lifetime’s worth of negative beliefs that are based on things like fear and rejection. Inner game is also a topic that I think can only be discussed from a personal level; that is, I can’t convince you how to think or look at life differently. Only you can do that. However, I can tell you how I overcame the very same problems, and hope that you can learn from my experiences.

So what is it?

To me, inner game problems boil down to two things: your experience and your mindset. Every problem you run into with not just women, but life itself, can be attributed to one of these two areas. I’m going to get into both of these, and give some personal insights, so hopefully by the end of this article you’ll have a clearer understanding of what exactly it is that you need to work on to fix your own issues.

Experience:

When people ask me how I developed the kind of “rock solid confidence” that allowed me to put myself out there on national TV, I always answer the same way: “Practice.” When you think about what confidence actually is you realize that it’s simply doing something that you’ve done enough times to be comfortable with. It’s only when we’re thrown into situations that are unfamiliar to us that we start to lose confidence in ourselves. The sad and somewhat ironic reality is that most men are not comfortable talking to women simply because they don’t talk to women! It’s a negative feedback loop that’s perpetuated by a fear of “what might go wrong.” This is bullshit! To be scared of the possible negative outcomes is to be scared of the very thing that enables you to get better!

Think about it this way. When you were learning to ride a bike, were you too scared to get on because of a fear that you might fall down? Maybe, but you got on anyway because you saw how much fun all the other kids were having. Even then you realized that the reward was worth the risk. Well, this is the same thing. I remember before I took my bootcamp (taught by Tenmagnet), I wasn’t any good at meeting women. I used to get drinks thrown in my face, told off, or simply ignored. The bootcamp put me on the right path, and I had the model of how things were supposed to go (and had seen instructors doing it properly – up close), but I still wouldn’t have made the most of things if I hadn’t gotten used to rejection enough that I could understand where I went wrong. Getting used to rejection isn’t easy, but the best advice I can give you is to simply accept it. Don’t get mad at her or yourself, don’t go home, just accept that it’s a completely normal and necessary part of the learning process. You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. The sooner you realize that rejection is a necessary evil, the sooner you can come to terms with it and move past it.

There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

Mindset:

Most of us grew up in a society that implied a dual-concentric model of reality. That is, the outer circle being reality, or the world around us, and the inner circle being our consciousness. We experience the outer circle, reality, through our inner circle, our consciousness. This is how we believed reality worked, that our consciousness was independent of it... but recently this all changed.

We are now learning through quantum physics that reality is actually the inner circle, and that our consciousness is the outer circle. That is, reality exists inside our mind, and we create our own reality with our thoughts (or beliefs, if you’d rather).

What does this mean?

As far as any of us know, there may only be one reality: your own. Who is to say that I'm not a figment of your imagination, your reality, writing out this entire article to send a message to you, from your subconscious mind. It's possible.

The truth is, whether any of us actually exist or not is irrelevant. Life is a game, and it’s a game that a lot of people are scared to play. Don't be one of them.

I recently received an email from a student of mine asking about the power of beliefs, and how they work. I replied with the following:

“Think of it this way: what if, let's say, 15 years from now programmers invent this computer game that is virtually identical to reality. The AI is so smart you can’t tell it’s not a real person. The five senses are so accurately programmed that there is no detectable difference to reality. Now, you get to play this game, but the programmer tells you some hints on how to play. He says this:

'This software is programmed to work intuitively with your brain. So, if you want to be, let’s say, a rich Casanova in the game, then all you have to do is believe that you ARE a rich Casanova, and you will become one. The trick is you have to actually believe it, and then the program takes care of the rest. In fact you can have, and be, anything you want in this program as long as you ask for it using these ‘beliefs.’ Think of it as your "console hack.'

I'm sure you saw this coming, but this ‘game’ already exists and it's called reality. You become who you believe you are.”

Sound a little like the Matrix? Well, that’s okay. Like I said, I can only give advice on inner game from my own personal perspective and this is simply how I believe reality works.

I’ll end this article with something that I’ve never written about before:

I remember the very night that I became good at attracting women. I remember because I had an epiphany that night and it was so mind-blowing that I had to write it down as soon as I came home. It has since become my mantra, and I know that if down the road I ever forget everything that I’ve learned in the past few years, all I will have to do is read this piece of paper and it will all come back. What does the paper say?

“The secret to becoming amazing at attracting women is... to remember that you already are.”

Cajun is a lead instructor with Love Systems. In addition to his very popular (and usually sold-out) bootcamps, he is available for phone consultations and one-on-one training.