beyond feelings

SUPPORT GROUP

i have attracted these people all my life. it wasnt until i had been discarded by the love of my life, or the one i thought was, that i typed into my computer one night….warnings of online dating. i had met him here on the internet. there i saw the words in huge red letters on my screen, SOCIOPATH. my stomach did a flip and i threw up, i knew from that second on what had been happening in my life. i didnt know much about sociopaths but it took me back to when i was divorcing my first husband for cheating and lying and my mother had said to me, you understand he is a sociopath? this was before the internet and looking things up online. obviously then i didn’t understand what she met and history would repeat itself. i was in so much emotional pain i thought i was going to die. i needed to understand why this was happening to me. i became obsessed with researching the subject. the more i read the more i understood. this was a life altering moment in my life. there is no rule book we are given as young adults to learn about sociopaths or narcissism. this isn’t a topic they teach you about in school, although it should be. i spent a year in an online support group trying to unravel what had happened to me. i am so eternally great full for those people. they didn’t put me down for who i was they built me up for who i could be. all the damage that was done to me they helped me unravel. i started a small support group there and decided to move it to Facebook. its been three years and since he left and in less than one year i have over 2,500 members in this group for survivors. i am no expert just a girl who has been there. someone who cares about others despite what was done to me. what a gift Ive been given to watch others go from battered to healing. i can now pay it forward to others who are walking the same path as me and who have been down the dark road of sociopathy. if you have asked yourself why me and why is this happening to me just know its a secret gift from the universe to wake you up to the reality of who you are and who you need to become so this never happens to you again. if you don’t quiet yourself enough to listen to what the message is you will be sure to continue the abuse that comes from loving a sociopath. #stopthecycleofsociopathabuse

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Does it ever get better? seems to be the one question we all ask at some point in all this. usually when the pain is so bad we don’t think we can take any more. remember this, through pain is growth, without it we would never change and to change is exactly what we need. the best way to get well from a relationship with someone with ASPD is to educate yourself on the disorder and learn about the forms of manipulation and abuse. the more you know the better you will understand what has happened to you and why you feel as bad as you do. read everything you can get your hands on. you also need some kind of support with others and or a therapist who specializes in personality disorders, be careful if they dont they can cause you even more damage. any therapist who tells you to get over it is not going to be a good fit. walk away and find another one your paying for this service make sure you get your moneys worth. many of us have made it with just using support groups like this. you need validation and to know your not losing your mind like so many of us have felt we are. the most important thing i think you can learn to help yourself is to learn about and build boundaries. most of us empaths let other people treat us like crap and that has to stop. make a list of what treatment from ANYONE you will no longer accept and put that into action. let NO ONE cross those lines you put up ever again. by doing this you will change your life and the people you allow in it from now on. this is so important that you do this and follow through with the boundaries you put up for yourself. you will gain self respect and self love by doing this action. read daily affirmations that are positive and stay no contact as much as you possibly can if you dont have children with them then you shouldnt be communicating with them , not if you want to get well. if you do have to see them because of your kids keep conversations limited to only regarding your children , they dont need to know whats going on in your life keep it impersonal. by doing thse things your life will get better and the pain will subside but you must be pro active in your healing it wont just happen by itself so the sooner you get to work the sooner you will feel better. don’t get me wrong sounds easy but its very hard work and no one can do it for you you must walk this path by yourself. i wish you all love, light and healing.