Care and Feeding of Your Heathen Pets

Many people in the U.S.—perhaps 20 million to 40 million—believe there will be a Second Coming in their lifetimes, followed by the Rapture .In this event, they say, the righteous will be spirited away to abetter place while the godless remain on Earth. But what will become ofall the pets?

Bart Centre, 61, a retired retail executive in New Hampshire, saysmany people are troubled by this question, and he wants to help. Hestarted a service called Eternal Earth-Bound Pets that promises to rescue and care for animals left behind by the saved.

Promoted on the Web as “the next best thing to pet salvation in a PostRapture World,” the service has attracted more than 100 clients, whopay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If theRapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—withatheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans tocarry out the mission. “If you love your pets, I can’t understand howyou could not consider this,” he says.

Why don’t these people just share the gospel with their pets so they won’t be left behind? Just kidding; we all know that dogs can’t understand the salvation story, and cats are largely atheist Marxists.

I’m torn between admiration of this guy for taking advantage of a market opportunity and disappointment in my fellow Christians actually sending him money and making us all look like doofuses.