I have no problems with dressing in costume … if someone tells me what I’m going to be. And hands me my getup already assembled. And does my makeup. However, candy. I like candy. But the decor and overall sentiment of the holiday … I mean, it’s fun, sure. I guess I’m Just Not That Into You, Halloween. No offense.

The actual day of Halloween has traditionally been one of the most stressful days of the year for me, especially when a full-time job was a part of the equation. The pressure to find costumes for two (and then three) kids by October 31 starts the stress-meter running, and then Halloween itself requires carb-loading and at least one 5-hour Energy drink just to come through standing at the end.

The Halloweens in my more recent parenting life have involved: leaving work on Halloween day early enough to do two (and then three) pickups, attempting some sort of dinner-ish type thing, costuming all trick-or-treaters (this part takes at LEAST an hour and one of the 5-hour Energy drinks), trudging door to door around all the blocks of the neighborhood, usually holding someone feeling apprehensive about all the masked-ness of the neighborhood (seriously, kid with the werewolf costume, can we not this year?), cajoling exhausted, wide-eyed, sugar-jazzed children to stop accepting free candy and walk home, de-costuming three kids (takes less time than costuming, but often no less sweating), containing the epic sugar rush and eventual crash that come post-bucket raid, getting three kids to at least go in the general vicinity of the place where their bed is, and then cleaning up while pausing to answer the doorbell and give out Tootsie Rolls (always last in the bowl, amirite?) to 6-foot teenagers with beards with fake blood somewhere on their body.

Anyway, It’s not my favorite.

It is getting easier, and more fun, as the kids get older. I have high hopes that being home for most of the afternoon before Trick-or-Treat o’clock will help it not feel like such a mad, crazy dash this year. (Don’t let me down, hopes!) I am even committed to wearing a headband with cat ears on it, so look at me go! I’ll have a fake fog machine in my yard and costume with full face makeup in no time.

All of that is to say—this is hands down the Halloweenest thing I’ve ever done voluntarily. Please to enjoy. We very much did.