Saturday, October 27, 2007

.Hint from Helen: If you are claustrophobic, do not attend the home church of any given saint on that saint’s feast. By “home church” I mean the church he founded or served or that was built on the site of his or her martyrdom or that houses most of his or her relics. You may suppose it impossible to feel claustrophobic in a church the length of two football fields but you would be very mistaken indeed.

Hint from Helen: If you are going to be a stickler for purity of worship, and are unwilling to make highly unorthodox concessions to the size of the crowd, the packed conditions, and the fact that to do things properly might take a little longer, do not attend the home church of any given saint on that saint’s feast.

Hint from Helen: When attending a crowded church service, wherein one half of the church is for men and the other half, for women, agree upon a specific spot where you will rejoin your spouse afterwards, and a specific point in the proceedings after which you will meet.

Hint from Helen: When attending a crowded church service, wherein one half is for men and the other half, for women, each of you should carry a cell phone. Of course that will not help unless you each know the other’s number. You could also have programmed it into your cell phone, if you knew how. That will only help if you also know how to access it.

Hint from Helen: Failing all the above, at least be sure each of you has on his/her person (1) a key to the house and (2) enough money for a taxi. (It will also help if you know what to say, in Greek, to the taxi driver.)