It's the end of the world

Mayan prophecy actually happened; we're all dead

If you're reading this then it's the end of the world and you're already dead. We're sorry that you had to find out like this but it's the cold hard truth.

As foretold, the Mayan prophecy condemning the world to destruction actually happened.

What we now live in is an alternate existence that in many respects is exactly the same as the last one. Everything around you will seem similar, you'll feel no different in yourself, yet you're just a conscious being living in what can only be described as a 'parallel universe'.

Pre-eminent scientist and astrologer Simon Tology said: "We started researching into the Mayan prophecy a year ago to see if there was anything in it. After extensive analysis on nano-particles when they react to prophecies (in our experiments we had to recreate the works and predictions of Nostradamus to act as a prophecy), we found a strange resonance where the nano-particles would mimic each other.

"In essence, one nano-particle would almost split into two identical nano-particles. Testing showed that the only difference between the two was the original nano-particle had energy, and the second nano-particle, the mimicked one, didn't.

"It was our conclusion that the second nano-particle was existing in an alternate yet identical reality, a parallel universe as it were. It was then that we started to worry..."

According to Anna-May Htaed, another scientist working on the Mayan prophecy, there's nothing we can do about it.

"After the findings of Simon Tology we started to look at possible outcomes. Unfortunately, we found no realities or universes where we could continue to exist with energy.

"However, as there's little no difference between the two realities in the end we were content with doing nothing."

Professor Ah Muzencab from Mexico said: "We looked into the things that may be different between the two realities and the only change that we could pin-point would be an increase in the number of people drinking Irn-Bru. Funnily enough, it's one of the few substances known to mankind that will give these nano-particles a little energy."