Do I Really Need To Say Anything?

I have started a new practice that has made a huge positive impact on my life. As a consultant, I’ve always known that my job was to ask good questions and listen intensely. However, in my personal life I will often give my feedback, opinions, ideas, suggestions and direction without even being asked for it! Because I realized this wasn’t exactly a positive trait, during the last few months I have focused on asking myself a few questions before I open my mouth.

Do I really need to say anything right now?

Is what I’m going to say adding any significant value to the conversation?

Is what I want to say helpful or am I just trying to talk about me?

Do they want my advice or simply for me to listen to them?

Just taking a moment to pause and ask myself these questions has totally changed the way I approach conversations with my family, friends and colleagues. I have found that in the past I would often say things that were not relevant, did not help the conversation move forward in a positive direction or were simply an effort for me to impose my thoughts and values on someone else. Carefully thinking about what I am planning to say, before I say it, has cut my comments by 80%. I talk a lot less, listen more, and end up having much better and more satisfying conversations for myself and others.

So to finish, rather than telling you what to do let me ask you a question; Do you think it would be helpful to ask yourself these questions before you start talking?

Comments

That’s an excellent list of questions. I spent twelve years living in Asia, building a business working with U.S. authors, which meant no in-person discussions. And why did I become a writer in the first place? I’m not so good at in-person discussions. I’m still learning. This list helps. I might need to laminate a card.

as an egotistical, self-absorbed salesperson that loves to hear himself talk. I can relate. This is always great to hear and be reminded of. Unfortunately, I have a brother that is worse but does not know it. Great lesson for the two of us.

5. Does my asking this question strengthen my position or help the opposition?

I was on a call the other day in that a business associate ended up strengthening the other side more and weakened our position in their comment/question. I have been thinking about it all week. Again John Spence adds insight. Thanks.