New Glasgow annexed by Glasgow, Scotland

The Royal Society for the Management of Commonwealth Municipalities is revoking the status of the town of New Glasgow.

New Glasgow is now just... Glasgow.

The announcement was issued from the society’s head office in London early this morning. The release stated that the town will immediately become a part of its parent city, Glasgow, Scotland.

“It became abundantly clear to us that no other municipality in the empire truly had the level of interest that Glasgow did with joining together with New Glasgow,” said Winston Incharge, chair of the society. “In the end this only makes sense.”

While the mayor of New Glasgow couldn’t be reached for comment, residents of the town who heard the proposal expressed mixed emotions.

“How is that even possible?” said John Hancock. “Do they seriously think they can just swoop up a Canadian city and pretend it’s their own? The people of Nova Scotia won’t stand for this.”

Cities and Towns of Nova Scotia spokesman Hugh Betcha said while it’s never actually happened before, Canada does have a clause in their constitution that states that the British can claim back up to 1,000 hectares and do with it as they wish.

“In the end, her majesty the queen has the final say,” Betcha said. “In a way, the town should be honoured that of all the communities in North America, New Glasgow was chosen.”

Steve Doublesteve, a longtime resident, said he’s happy to hear the news.“It’s nice to see that someone finally recognizes we have something to offer,” said Doublesteve. “I mean, we have more Tim Hortons per person than any other part of the British Empire. And there’s good tea there too.”

Water and sewer services will continue to be supplied locally, while taxes from now on will have to be paid to Glasgow, Scotland. New Glasgow will be called “East Glasgow” moving forward. East Glasgow will be allowed one representative on the City of Glasgow's council.

"Together we will flourish," Glasgow mayor Dan Daman stated in a release.

Greetings good people of 'East Glasgow'. (formerly known as New Glasgow) I wish to nominate myself as your new clan chief because I, being a true Scot who's birthday is 'Tartan Day' and because one of my dearest friends (namely Kathy Jardim) happens to reside in your fine town, I think you should all vote for me. Thank you from Gods own country...SCOTLAND. Happy April 1st folks. x