How Do You Shield Your Child From Pain?

How do you shield your children from getting hurt? From all the pain or trials that are to come their ways?

The other night, my son and his tennis team had their dinner after the matches were over. I didn’t go same with his dad as my husband had been so tired, having a special operation at his work these past few days. We wanted him to enjoy his time with his friends and the team so we told him he could go. He was excited.

Not the same expression when I was picking him up. He was quiet and looked visibly with a combo of “being hurt and upset.”

I hugged him when we got home. A nudge through this act to make him vent out. He sensed it.

Tears started staining his cheeks and softly he whispered to me, “Mom, how could my name be missed? Every one was up there already as their names and certificates were given except for me. When the coach said that those players were the team, I had to raise my hand as my friends were looking at my direction, too, wondering why I wasn’t called.”

“And?”

“He apologized and called me after I raised my hand. But I felt so left out. I guess I was just wondering how I could be forgotten when I was visibly there.”

I joined his tears with mine, consoling his wounded heart. I had no words at that moment but wanted to let his heart be poured out. Only then I knew that through those tears he was shedding, he would be able to release the hurt.

“This won’t be the first nor this would be the last,” I told him as I hugged him tighter.

“Maybe it wasn’t intentional. But you must learn to forgive. Through this painful situation, you would be able to see who was truly there for you or not.”

He hugged me and his father back and whispered, “I love you.” I saw a faint smile appeared.

"Don't let the spiritual enemy steal your joy," I reminded him. The more he smiled.

How do you shield your child from inevitable pain and trials of this life? How do you shield your child from all the ridicules, the rejections, from those who would want to see them hurt? I asked God that…

This was His answer:

“You can’t.”

“You just need to trust Me and pray for them. Always.”

“Isn’t that My will for all of you, My children?”

“To be prayerful. To remain joyful. And to always give thanks.”

“Remember when I also gave My own Son? So you can be saved. I have given Him up instead of shielding Him from the hurt and pain, knowing that’s the only way to restore your relationship with Me.”

Continuing to reflect, I sensed that true believers’ journeys were never known. True Christians’ lives were never remembered because the only footprints they left were not theirs. It was of God’s. They would never claim any glory but glory that belonged to God alone.

There is no option but to face the pain. There is no other way but to face any trial. That is the only way to overcome and survive. That is the only way to endure. God is the Shield. God is the protection. If we are willing broken vessels to be used for Him, we are bound to get hurt. We are bound to suffer. The way Christ did...We just need to keep walking with Him until we finish this journey and the work He started in each children’s heart.

"18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.20 Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.21 They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me." - John 15:18-21 (NIV)

I could cry with you. If I may, I'd like to share a short snippet of something I learned from my childhood.

I could sing really well. No matter how many contests I entered in school I never got recognition or won. Later God showed me a lot. He humbled me and showed me that success wasn't in human recognition but who I was in him. Once I grasped that, after many tears, I got my first recognition. I was chosen to travel to sing to a business group with my singing.

I hope God can soothe his heart and show him that though it hurts when humans forget us or let us down, he is not forgotten in the Lord.

Joys shared are doubled.Grief shared is cut in half.How awesome you carried half your son's grief, and now, we carry some of it for you.

These years of your son are among the worst, for it is the first experience of betrayal, a love gone awry, a failure, a humiliation, a regret.

I have hidden the tears of my daughters within my own heart as they explained friends who turned on them for no reason, bullying, betrayals.The Mother of Christ, Mary, pondered these things in her heart. Me too.

For one daughter, a local church youth group found the mid-20's leader (female) fired from her job. That is the right of the pastor. But he alluded to the unbelieving audience that she was lesbian. Pushed to name any youth who may be involved, a pastor in the church representing Jesus Christ, named my daughter. After 16 years of Missions trips to the dumps outside Mexico City and worship every week, and major church involvement, this lie makes it difficult for me to get my daughter into any Christian church, .... for a Christian pastor spread rumors about her that were false.

I confronted him alone.I asked if he ever saw his youth leader in a compromising situation. "NO".I asked if he ever saw my daughter in any compromising situation with this young woman. "NO'.Then why did you accuse my daughter of any involvement? You can fire your youth leader, but why involve the youth at all?

"It was just a feeling, Keystone", he replied.

I yelled to his face: "A feeling is NOT enough to destroy a child. You need proof and truth." His eyes went to the floor as surely as David's eyes met the floor with the truth of Nathan's words to him."That man is YOU!"My daughter has never entered a Christian church since that humiliating day, and 16 years of bringing up a child in the way of the Lord, were undermined in full, by a liar. Trust evaporated.

But all of that pales in comparison to what the world did to my other daughter. She nearly hyperventilated telling me the story of the worst day of her life. I gave her advice to seek truth, and forgiveness, and move on and away from those people involved.

At the grocery store when we shop, we inspect the fruit to see if it is bruised outside, and discard it immediately, seeking only the perfect available. I have told them that even though we find bruises, we do not stop eating apples. We pick up another, inspect as best we can, and buy it to take home. Our heavenly Father will take us home even with bruises.

Both of my daughters have been bruised internally as your son,....unseen, bruises of the heart.Damage to children is not from God, but from the evil one.

Hearts have a language to speak. It is in the form of a teardrop.The heart speaks teardrops in times of extreme joy and extreme grief.Otherwise, it is silent. And where those drops fall from a cheek to the ground, holy ground is created.

I told my girls to "splash away" an entire lifetime, creating holy ground this way. As the teardrop dries, perhaps it leaves an invisible soul print, like a thumbprint on a glass. Only the Creator can see these everywhere.And each print is as unique as a fingerprint.

When HE comes back, he will collect us, and also all of our holy ground, to wipe away all the tears forever. God has a tear bottle for all of us.I have a small rainbow covered bottle and when my girls hurt and we all cry, a teardrop is wiped and touched to the opening of that bottle...to be collected and counted one day by the Master of our hearts.

And I want you to know that we live in a society that frowns on men of any age weeping. Your son needs to know that real men shed real tears at real hurts. My mom told me this, as my dad could not.She died on her birthday, May 21st, and I suspect that when that day comes this week, her third year gone, I will open my tear bottle again.

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers. I had asked my son not to miss reading this particular post but most especially, the love that was left behind by all of you encouraging him. Now, he doesn't want to play tennis. But he feels in his heart that the Lord showed him something that tennis wouldn't be in his list next year. He wants to continue to excel in his studies and for him, what happened was just an "eye opener" that truly, this world's standards are opposite to that of the Lord's and for that, he is thankful. He was hurting that day but thanks be to God, he was renewed the following day as if nothing happened. Deep inside, I know he has a powerful lesson to carry in his life. It's only the beginning...

As a mother of an adult daughter and a young adult daughter I can attest to what you went through. I've held them over the years as they cried and I joined my tears with theirs as they tried to discern the "why's" of the hurts that came their way in this world.

Sadly, it happens and as Mother's we want to make it better but you said it right here:

“You just need to trust Me and pray for them. Always.”

“Isn’t that My will for all of you, My children?”

“To be prayerful. To remain joyful. And to always give thanks.”

I joined my tears dear sister with yours for your son as I read your sharing. I also prayed for him. Here's the blessed truth -- WE ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN BY GOD. NEVER! He sees us!

"Dear friend, we are destined for trials. In other words, life is supposed to be difficult, God wired it that way. Looking back, I don't think that's something the visitor to our Family Retreat believed. But he's not alone -- it's amazing how many people believe that life should be easy. They groan, feeling as though their difficulties are a unique kind of affliction that should not be. They focus so much on the problems and so little on the Lord, that they feel that affliction has somehow been especially visited upon them. But here's the thing...

Life is a series of problems to be solved. And, yes, solving problems is a painful process, but it is this whole process that gives our life meaning. I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." Isn't that the truth! And the psalmist said long before Benjamin Franklin in Psalm 119 that, "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees." So today, friend, if you're thinking that your life is just one battle after the next, take the advice of an apostle: be strengthened, be encouraged in your faith. Don't be unsettled by your trials, because you know quite well you are destined for them and for good reason. Trials are not for our pleasure; they are for our profit. Once you and I can embrace this truth, we transcend it. Once we know that life is to be truly difficult then life is difficult no longer. God has not redeemed you and me to make us happy, or healthy, or free of trouble. God has redeemed you and me to become more like Jesus Christ... and this is why He destined trials for you, my friend."

It is good to see your words keystroked online once again.You always had a knack for coming up with an appropriate quote, a knack for a kind and gentle spirit, and a knack for bring people closer to God, rather than making a diaspora of Christians online. I miss that.

I pray Carole is doing well, in body and in spirit.Your faithfulness to your spouse, and to our God, is surely noted in Heaven and by many of us on Earth.Both of you continue in my prayers, and it seems the Lord often brings you to my mind.

I wondered how you were, and your comment above tells me all I needed to know. If we fail to meet on this planet, or cross each other on blogs, it is important to remember that Heaven is described in Revelations.There are four walls.Each wall has three Gates.Upon arrival in Heaven, ask the first person you meet, "Which way is East?". Walk that way, until you come to a wall. That will be the Eastern Wall. Go to the Middle Gate of the three there.

I will meet you just inside the Middle Eastern Gate of Heaven.All the fun people are gathering there, and we can spend eternity catching up on the goodness and favors of the Lord, we found in each others' lifetimes.

How tender is your mother's heart! I remember so well the trials & troubles of raising my three; and the oft-shed tears when I couldn't spare them the hurts that inevitably come with life. It seems that pain is built in.

But you've given them a HUGE life lesson. When we can weep with those who weep, we better able to rejoice with those who rejoice.

This is what spoke to me:"I have given Him up instead of shielding Him from the hurt and pain, knowing that’s the only way to restore your relationship with Me.”Wow...now this is what I must do as a mom. Thanks for this touching post.

Still praying...God will provide a wonderful ending and He will get the glory.Love you,Mary

I was the one blessed, for IKE and I exchanged many a comment long ago.Most venues have a blogpost, and it is all about THEM. You create blogposts that are all about the King of Kings.

IKE and I have a common denominator discussing the Lord, in new ways, from new views. He employs quotes to open a discussion.I like that, and respond.You are among few bloggers where communication among commenters is applauded (rightly so, and Thank You).

IKE, I can be reached in the meantime, before the meet at the Middle Eastern Gate of Heaven, at keystoneinpa@gmail.com I used to do a lot of traveling and work in your neck of the woods of PA long ago. But I enjoy the Christian bookstore in Lancaster, and you are a hop, skip, and a jump from there. Perhaps a new trip is in order, just to see you.

And RCUBEs, a local man I know in PA, also has a home near the Getty Museum out your way. He has advised me to stay at his home in CA and take in the Getty, for it houses one of my favorite paintings, "Irises" by Van Gogh. I want to see that painting as a small miracle story is involved.Perhaps we will meet when that journey west occurs. I was in YOUR area often too, long ago.

Finally, since the post is about your son, and the hurts of life, may I recommend a book I have read and love."The Return Of The Prodigal Son" (A Story of Homecoming) by Henri J.M. Nouwen.Rembrandt painted the cover picture and it is amazing.Five people are present. But as the light of day changes, more people are revealed in the background, in addition to the Father, Son, and Older Son not too happy there.

The hidden people are seen in the light (Google this and you will see varying number of people in the picture online).But I want to go to St. Petersburg, Russia to see the original Rembrandt of The Prodigal Son....and watch it as the daylight changes.

"A Story of Homecoming" seems a fitting finale to your son's dilemma in this original post.

@Keystone: Don't need to thank me as that has been my purpose in starting this blog is always for the Lord.

I enjoyed your back and forth comments back then @sister Cynthia's (glass house). I'm always inspired by your own personal stories and bro. Ike, like what you said, always leaves "quotes" or Scriptures that "hit the spot." My faith is blessed because of yours.

Thank you for sharing the info about the book. Gotta' check that out.

I pray that you will have that chance to go to Russia and fulfill that wish of yours, God willing.

When do we ever find "true joy" except when we "return to Him?" My son kept thanking the Lord that through that experience, He showed him what to do next year with regards to his curriculum, and what matters most. God bless you Keystone. Take care.

That song comes from another season in life as Emmanuel comes to us as a child. At the end of the Book of Matthew, Emmanuel --"God With Us" changes to Elohim.This is what Elohim says:"...surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

But given your kind comments to me, your love for the Lord, your open heart to all, I will savor the Bookends of Matthew....Emmanuel to Elohim, and this night, I will "Slee-eep in Heavenly Peace".

The Attacker (5/15/09)

The sun was just peeking from the Eastern skies.

Out in the prison’s yard, some huge Sheriff’s buses were illuminated by the soft glow coming from the lights all over from the tall lamp posts. Their engines were turned on, warming up, before the buses would take the inmates to the different courts where they would have their trials.

Orange-uniformed men were lined up in pairs, joined together with handcuffs and chained, forming a long line. They already had their breakfast and had their morning medications prior to going to courts. Some were fidgeting, as they waited to board those buses.

All of a sudden, all hell broke loose! Two men were engaged in a fight, using weapons they made secretly for a while. Deputies called for help on the radio, both for custody back-up and medical staff, as well.

When the air was cleared and the other inmates were secured, one man was down on the floor. He sustained multiple gashes but two of them were deep. One cut was vertically etched from his left ear going down to the jaw line. The other dangerous cut was horizontal on his left neck, close to the jugular vein. Pool of blood dripped all over the floor. Holding his bleeding neck, he was pointing at the other inmate few feet away, being guarded by the other deputies.

The other man being accused was not hurt. There were no lacerations nor any other signs of trauma. He was obviously very agitated as he was being questioned by those deputies, while the medical staff started treating the other man on the floor. They cleaned the wounds and controlled the bleeding. That man was sent to the nearby hospital.

When the investigation was finalized, it turned out to be that the “downed man who was accusing the other inmate” was the attacker and the other one who didn’t have injury was the one attacked. The deputies found out that it was the second attempt to attack the unhurt man. Both attacks on him failed. He was well-prepared after the first attempt on him, that when the second attempt was done, he was able to defend himself and ended up injuring his attacker severely.

[Source: NLT Bible ]:

We also have an “accuser of the brethren.” Satan and his army of demons are the enemies of God and of everything good.

“Because God’s children are human beings – made of flesh and blood – Jesus also became flesh and blood by being born in human form. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the Devil, who had the power of death.” –Hebrews 2:14

Because of what Jesus had done [dying on the cross], we, who live in constant fear of death shouldn’t be afraid anymore. Jesus had freed us from that fear so we can live for Him. When we belong to God, we know that death is only the portal that leads into “eternal life”. [“Thank You Lord!].

Paul warned us, too that we also battle against the evil forces of Satan, who is a vicious fighter. But to be able to withstand their attacks, we must depend on God’s strength and use every piece of His armor. We face an army whose goal is to defeat Christ’s church. When we believe in Christ, they become our enemies. They will try any device to turn us away from the Lord.

Fear not! For God has provided His supernatural power to defeat Satan and his army, through His Holy Spirit within us. So, arm yourselves with God’s armor.

Let us be strong in the Lord's mighty power. Let's put on His whole armor to resist the enemy's attacks: put on the sturdy belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News, so that we are well-prepared. We will need faith in every battle as our shield to stop the fiery arrows aimed by Satan and his army. Let us put on salvation as our helmet, not forgetting the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. Let's pray at all times, on every occasion in the power of the Holy Spirit. We must stay alert and be persistent in our prayers for all Christians everywhere. [Ephesians 6:10-18].