The SIA Party Story

9:00 am:Â Wake up in the Rockmada to discover i’ve spent more than half of my alloted money in the first night.

9:30 am: I get to the convention center and get excited when I think I see a table of free weed. Turns out is Stinger Waffle Snax. I am largely disappointed but need the free food.

WEED? oh… no.

12:00 pm: Tyler Blackburn pushes himself around on a glorified tricycle.

I’m not convinced the cast is real.

1:06 pm: I walk by the Academy booth and the founders yell to me. We discuss the potential of giving me a pro-model. I am still trying to decide if this is real or not but they seemed pretty serious about it.

My new bosses.

3:00 pm: After leaving my phone charging at the Saga booth, I discover that this image has been sent to 20 of my contacts. If you got this photo, I’m sorry, but you should have known it wasn’t me. My undercarriage is nowhere near that tan.

Anyone wanna claim this?

5:00 pm: They have stiff rules about drinking before a certain time in the convention center, but once the green light is on, bring out the ice luge baby. Madison Blackley and I participate in the fun.

The North Face booth, doing it right.

7:49 pm: Cab it to a Nike dinner at a restaurant called Fogo de Chao Churrascaria. The waiter brings us to a back room where roughly 65 people are sitting.

7:56 pm: I take a sip of wine and someone instantly comes and re-fills it. This is the tits!

8:30 pm Cody Sanders and I discover the peanut butter and jelly of alcoholic mixtures. First you take a hearty sip of porter, then you take an equal sip of red wine.“Cut off the crust, and you’ve got a match made in heaven.”

10:29 pm: 686 puts on an event where average Joes box each other. Danny Kass was reffing while the Dingo spoke on the microphone. DK must have been twisted because the Dingo had to keep reminding Danny to pay attention. You know you are fucked up when the Dingo is telling you to look alive.

10:31 pm: The most unfair fight i’ve ever seen between a gigantic man and a little dude. The little dude did not take his shirt off. Can you say Blood stains?

11:00 pm: Kyle Clancy and Eddie Wall Fight each other in the headlining match. After the fight I try and catch an interview with Eddie, but I am too drunk for him to understand what I am saying. Here is a really shitty cell phone video:

11:30 pm: Rome was having a “NO VIP” after party at The Shag. I’m pretty sure that place does it’s best business of the year during SIA weekend.

The reserved sign marked one shitty round table in the back.

11:40 pm: Got the make-out shot.

“Of course we will make out for the Toeside Terrors.”

12:00 am: Rome and Yobeat have an official business meeting.

Bartender was actually really stoked on this.

12:30 am: Friend and editor over at Transworld John Poulin begins “mary washing” random party goers. This is when you take a big sip of booze and then spray it in someones face.

1:30 am: I have gotten in nearly four fights after Poulin knocks someone over, flees the scene, and leaves me there to deal with the aftermath.

1:35 am: Poulin lights a cigarette and walks inside.

1:36 am: Poulin gets kicked out.

1:37 am: Poulin takes a spill.

Wha’ happen?

1:38 am: Ron Faverty gets Poulin back in.

2:00 am: The Shag is closed so a massive crew heads to The Diamond Cabaret. This is the kind of strip club where people are smoking cigars and cigarettes inside, and touching the dancers is sometimes ok.

Open till…. well I stayed there til almost five, so…

2:22 am: Stripper darts: It’s when you wrap a quarter inside a dollar and cover the outside in chapstick. When you throw it at the stripper it sticks to their skin. Best 50 cents i’ve ever spent.

This is what a stripper dart board looks like.

2:40 am: I think the same techno song has been playing the entire night.

3:00 am: Smoke a spliff in the club with various affiliates.

3:01 am: A stripper comes over to us and tells us we are going to get in trouble. We play dumb.

3:02 am: The stripper comes back and asks if she can give us a couple dollars to hit it. I refrain from saying “I should ask you the same thing.”

3:15 am: All my money Â is gone, I resort to tipping strippers in rolling papers.

3:40 am: I put a Yomerica sticker on the stripper bar. It wasn’t on the list but it should have been.

Guerilla Marketing at it’s scumiest.

4:00 am: I walk the wrong way out of the strip club for a solid half-hour.

4:50 am: make it back to Diamond Caberet and plea with a taxi driver to take my cashless-ass home.

5:20 am: Get back to the hotel. I have an 11:30 am appointment to get a tattoo and I have no idea what or where to get it. I decide that I have zero fucks to give about getting to my appointment. Fuck the free world.