An advice column for those who like a little abuse. Yea, I'm talking about you, jerk.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Question: I love you. I love your blog. I want your fingers in my hair. I want you inside me.

Mom! For fuck sake!

Okay, this won't wasn't my mother, but still. Pretty matronly, right?

Okay, maybe not.

Here's the deal. I'm married. Not only that, I'm married to a woman who's better than you. Plead however you like; it will fall on deaf ears and beautiful boobs.

Short Answer: If my wife was into it, we could talk, but mostly she's too asleep to get aroused. It's hard being as awesome as she is, so she has to sleep a lot. At least that's what she tells me. It's also why her vagina has to stay 'penis-free' and her mouth remain 'balls-light'.