Powers Of Observation

I want to start by thanking all the readers of my column for your calls and letters of genuine concern. You are all so kind, and due to the nature of my condition it seems you could somehow relate to what it puts families through. MidWeek readers are the best and certainly proof of the Aloha spirit.

One of the things I noticed with the removal of one of my kidneys was that I was given a new power. Like when Daredevil lost his sight, all of his other senses were intensely magnified. The power that I think I received was the power of mundane observation.

For instance, in all the TV watching that I did while recuperating, I noticed that in television, there are only five commercials and they are rotated on a 24/7 basis on all channels. Here are the five commercials, keep in mind this was over two months ago.

The “Give me back my fillet-o-fish” commercial. The insurance store with the salesgirl named Flo with big hair. The other insurance commercial with the stack of dollar bills with eyes on it. The cable- service provider commercial with the local couple sitting on the couch.

And the commercial advertising the “Snuggie” blanket with sleeves, which in my mind is merely a robe put on backwards. That’s it. We’re made to think there are tons of commercials out there but in reality there are only these five and they are rotated on a constant basis.

It kind of makes a statement on the television viewer. I think it basically says that we’re idiots. Oh, actually there were two other commercials that actually work. They’re for restaurants and they show the food in close up, slow motion shots. They make you want to head right out the door to eat there.

Of course the restaurants are Olive Garden and Applebee’s, of which there are none in our 50th State. Now I want to use this power for good, which is why I’m sharing this with all of you. I have nothing against the products and services they advertise, just the method of delivery.

I need this ability to battle my arch nemesis who can control the TV remote with the sheer power of her voice. That would be my wife whenever she tells me to turn off the TV.