Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Let It Be

(Roger Clemens is on Capitol Hill this morning to defend himself against the use of performance-enhancing drugs. He was accused by his former friend, trainer, and supplier, Brian McNamee. His former teammate, Andy Pettitte, has already confessed, and implicated Clemens. Makes me wonder what might have happened if the House of Lords, in the mid-1960’s, took an interest in the use of marijuana in rock and roll).

Member of ParliamentThe House of Commons calls Paul McCartney from the Beatles. Mr. McCartney, thank you for joining us here today.

PaulIt's wonderful to be here. It's certainly a thrill.

MP

Mr. McCartney, we hope you will be honest with us here today.

Paul

Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey.

MPMr. McCartney, have you ever taken marijuana in order to enhance your abilities as a songwriter and a performer?

PaulNo sir. All you need is love.

MPWe have sworn testimony from a Mr. Robert Dylan, given to Joni Mitchell, that on August 28, 1964, he provided you with marijuana at the Delmonico hotel. Is that true?

PaulHe may have had some rolled up tobacco cigarettes, always trying to act like a cowboy, that guy. Look at the bloke's record. His real name's Zimmerman, you know? He's always knockin' on heaven's door, ringin' some new religion's bell... Do us a favor, Bob, open the door, let one of 'em in and stick with it.

MPWe are not here to talk about Mr. Dylan, but about your performance. Let’s look at the record, please. In your rookie season, 1964, you wrote lyrics like

Paul (mumbling…)Life is very short and there's no time for fussing and fighting...

MPThen, after the meeting in the Delmonico, your lyrics, as well as those of your partner, John Lennon, showed a dramatic change. Here, from your 1965 season:

Eleanor Rigby Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has beenLives in a dream. Waits at the windowwearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the doorWho is it for?

Quite an improvement, hmm?

Paul

Yes, I was getting better all the time.

MPOr this one, from your 1967 season:

Picture yourself in boat on a river, With tangerine trees and marmalade skies Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

Do you honestly expect this committee to believe this improvement came about through good old-fashioned hard work?

PaulAh well, that one's all John.

MP

Ah yes, your bandmate, John Lennon. Mr. Lennon, in testimony given to us last week, corroborated Mr. Dylan's testimony. He said that he did, in fact, smoke marijuana that he received from Mr. Dylan.

Paul

Listen, do you want to know a secret? Transcendental meditation. Had a profound effect on my lyric writing. [to the audience] Who is this guy anyway? Are we really sure if he's even from the House of Lords?

MPThank you Mr. McCartney. We now call to the witness stand, Mr. Keith Richards...