How many auditors does it take to change a battery?

I’m sitting staring at my computer wondering why it deletes a particular file every time I synchronise with the central server when something goes “Bleep” and again and again and… you get the picture?

It’s the battery warning on one of the smoke alarms. So I stand like an idiot trying to work out which one it is – quelle surprise it’s the one at the top of the stairs, accessible only by ladder! As anyone who has listened to that “bleep” will know you can’t ignore it and get on with something else and as I can’t rip the battery out and do it later, so, I have to sort it out now.

No 9v batteries in the house so, I get the car out of garage and go to Tesco to purchase batteries. It is market day so the town will be jammed with traffic and the car parks full, so i have to go to the evil Tesco.

Plus point – a man from the County Council recycling unit is distributing free Bags for Life and other recycling stuff; minus point – McVities are doing a promotion on biscuits; “Do you dunk or crunch?” and you can’t get to the door for people queuing up for a free cup of tea and a biscuit.

Fight my way in past the hoards of kids on half-term and mentally rant about Tesco doing a BOGOF on fireworks.

Battery purchase is successful and I return home and get the ladder out of the garage.

It is sometime since I last used the ladder and it could do with a bit of WD40 – I discover this whilst wrestling with it at the top of the stairs, trying to wedge it between the top stair and the wall.

In removing the smoke alarm cover to change the battery the alarm comes off the ceiling and I end up doing a bodge job to get the retaining screws back into the celing. Finally the battery is replaced.

Whilst I’ve got the ladder upstairs I decide to put the fan from the office into the loft – watch out for a heat wave in early November – and by the time I’ve finished I’ve jarred my arthritic knee.

I retire for a nice cup of tea and a sit down and decide that I need to get some of those smoke alarms that fit into the light-fitting so that battery bleeping and changing will be a thing of the past. However, it may be some time before I have the energy for that!