2006-03-26

Remember that before Klein sobered up he was a much better premier than he is now. The occasional drunken outburst wasn't anything particularly catastrophic, and it kept him from throwing things at Pages.

But with the turfing of Lyle Oberg this week, we see Klein is getting into one of his Chretien moods. That's never a good sign. When he starts thinking like Trudeau, feeling like Chretien, and acting like Martin its time to have an ice cold beer.

Which comes to my decision: the next candidate for Premier should be a drinker. Not a louse or anything, but a good hardcore Churchill-style drinker. An outright alcoholic is probably a bad thing, but he definitely should toe the line a little bit. A drinker in the job would show we have a real man for the position: one who isn't afraid to lay in bed drinking a Guinness at 3:30am watching Yes, Minister on DVD after finishing a blog post. A guy who's willing to take all the bullshit stress that comes with such a high position and then slam some Jack Daniels on his downtime to leave him emotionally ready to do the job again the next morning. A Premier of the Province of Alberta who can hang around at a pub working out the issues of the day until eventually stumbling on the brilliant clarity that such sessions typically bring (such as "why don't we make health care entirely 100% private and user pay and make grocery stores nationalized and free" or "if she's gonna wear a tube top and miniskirt to Filthy Freakin' McNasty's then I should be allowed to just walk up and squeeze her ass with no possible legal consequence" or "if we changed the lyrics to the Skynard song just a little, Sweet Home Alberta would be a kick-ass national anthem").

So how about it Lyle? Do you like the sauce? Do you guzzle copicuous amounts of Romulan Ale at diplomatic functions? Do you take messages from the Scotch Ambassador in the communications room in Arab nations? If not, then sorry, I cannot endorse you as Premier.

If Oberg/Norris/Morton/Stelmach are all casual drinkers or something, then we may have a problem. I might have to join the campaign to run this province prematurely. I had hoped for a Norris/Morton soft separatist in power first just to let things build up, but as I guzzle my 2nd AGD in 45 minutes and ponder a couple shots of Jagermeister before bedtime, I am left concerned that we might not have time to dilly-dally. The next Premier of Alberta has to be some sort of drunkard. Or we're all in trouble.

This comes to light just in time for the announcement (and of course sudden controversy) that Costco is planning to build a liquor store in Sherwood Park, a quick drive away from my humble abode. Time to get a membership! $50/year to receive Kokanee Gold at $5.95/case sounds like a wise investment. Alberta Liquor Store Association President John Szumlas says "we are leery that Costco and other large-format retailers will move to radically change how we retail adult beverages in this province." Well duh! That's the idea, bozo. Perhaps this is the needed pressure to get the provincial government out of the liquor wholesaling business as well. The article also mentions "Government control of supply and warehousing helps to prevent the sale of smuggled liquor, which happens in other jurisdictions, he said." This is of course in relation to court action underway this week in Washington State where Costco is trying to force the State Government out of the booze business. Good luck Costco: may you bring the light and wisdom to our little fiefdom soon as well.