Tag Archives: ugh

We haven’t had much — or anything? — to say about the mass hissyfit at The New Republic, because, honestly, how could we care? But that was before we read Ryan Lizza’s Inside the Collapse of The New Republic at the New Yorker, to which we could only sit at our kitchen table and moan OH SAVE US SWEET JESUS.
Read more on Inside The Collapse Of The New Yorker’s Inside The Collapse Of The New Republic…

As this photo from our #OWS correspondent KenLayIsAlive makes clear, the guys with the Guy Fawkes masks are well represented at Occupy Wall Street and many other Protest Occupations around the country. The cultural trajectory of this mask is sometimes hard to follow, but here’s our attempt to explain it, and also explain why it creeps us out. Read more on America Stuck With All These Guy Fawkes Masks, We Guess…

We did not want to post anything, on this Day of Dread when we are supposed to forget about the awful industrial savagery and Crushed Freedumbs of the past decade, but you nice people keep sending us “tips” asking for some kind of refuge, shelter from the storm, what have you. Well! Read more on Here Is Your Wonkette Refuge From the 9/11/11 Internet Madness…

Nick Saban has won a lot of “football,” according to Wikipedia, and that is why every Alabama politician lusts after The Nick Saban Endorsement, because it is some sort of football sports analogy for something really great that is sure to bring you victory. Sadly Nick Saban hates politics and never endorses anybody. But that didn’t stop Dorothy Davidson — a Bessemer, Alabama, mayoral candidate — who went ahead and got Nick Saban’s endorsement anyway, using a picture of him and Adobe’s “Photoshop.” The critics say Dorothy Davidson has no right to pretend that she stood next to Coach Saban and smiled with him as if they were best friends. Well, that’s not what we say. We say: Nick Saban is rich, according to Wikipedia, so why is it that every unphotoshopped photograph of Nick Saban shows him just standing around doing nothing with his wife, and not making out in a jacuzzi tub with hott coeds such as Dorothy Davidson? Are you a loser, Nick Saban? Read more on Alabama Politician Inadvertently Exposes Nick Saban’s Lameness…

Really? Did Al Gore try to get some 54-year-old masseuse gal to massage his dingus at a Portland hotel where he was staying to give a Climate Change speech, and when the woman showed no interest did he then get angry and demand she have sex with him? Is Al Gore supposed to be the new Kobe Bryant? MAYBE NOT. This was apparently reported and then un-reported to Oregon police back in 2006, and then the woman reportedly refused to meet with the police, twice, and the lawyer canceled meetings with the cops, and then (magically) after Al and Tipper Gore announced they were separating a few weeks ago, this masseuse went back to the police and asked for a copy of her original statement to, of course, give to the National Enquirer. Read more on Massage Lady Accuses Al Gore of Sex Groping, In Portland Hotel, In 2006…

Wonkette operative “Lily E.” was just driving around the outskirts of Madison, Virginia, this weekend when she was compelled to snap this picture of America 2010. It’s all there, everything. Everything.
Read more on All of America Captured In Single Photograph…

Today’s Dirty Dozen American Primary Election is also the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill’s 50th Day. Did you get BP a present? It’s a testament to the constant spastic churn of the news cycle that this oil disaster already feels really old, like something from last summer or maybe even 2005. But the spill began less than two months ago, and it will likely be with us for many months (or years) to come. We don’t feel like posting more terrible pictures of crude-covered seabirds in the last throes of death — not even a blingee could help in that department — but we all have to do something to mark the 50th day of America’s worst offshore oil disaster (so far). Let’s take a poll and figure out what’s best, for America. Read more on Happy 50th Day of the BP Oil Spill, Everybody!…

Every now and then, the New York Post shows a hint of its acidic headline genius of yore. This isn’t it, exactly, but the underused word “crone” is perfectly illustrated by a batty old lady cackling weirdly about sending the Jews “back [to] Poland, Germany.” Ugh. But at least the right wing will now purge its actual Nazi-worshiping proud antisemite teevee stars like G. Gordon Liddy and Pat Buchanan, right? Right? [New York Post via Alex Balk/The Awl/Really Bad Camera]
Read more on Helen Thomas, ‘White House Crone,’ Resigns…

Who is Blanche Lincoln? That’s the question the editors of the U.S. News & World Report website are asking on this post-MTV awards day, and we can’t help wonder, too: Who is Blanche Lincoln? Who is she, and what does she want from us? And by “us,” do we mean “banking executives” or “maybe people who live in Arkansas” or “what did Barack Obama offer her through one of his sleazy lieutenants from Chicago?” Take our fun quiz to find out. Read more on Blanche Lincoln’s Top Ten Sexy Senate Secrets…

Ha ha, April Fools, look what this wacky conservative wingtard webzine did for today’s unfunny celebration of banal hate disguised as Jokes: “[T]here will be a few changes to the site. The pictures at the top will be replaced by photos of Ghandi, MLK, Linda Chavez, Michael Steele, and hip-hop Republican Cleo E. Brown.” Coloreds, all of them! That’s insane, this is a white person’s site. Commenters applauded this expert comedy, saying “Hilarious” and “Love it!” And by “it” they mean the Humor, not those coloreds. Read more on Wingnuts Make Hilarious April Fools Joke About Putting Pictures of Negroes On Their Website…

The grifter is a busy bee this week: “The as-yet untitled book by Palin, widely considered to be weighing a run for U.S. president, will feature selections of readings that have inspired her and portraits of people she admires.” Okay Willow, crayons are over there under the Taco Bell bags, get to work on those portraits of Reagan and the ESPN Sportscenter anchor guys (but not Olbermann). Bristol? Clip some shit out of those old Reader’s Digests and Sunset magazines Todd stole from the dentist’s office to insulate the garage. No not the ads you idiot, the inspirationals! [Reuters]
Read more on Sarah Palin’s Name To Be Put On New Book…

Teabagger Final Fantasy? The “Once More, With Feeling” episode of John Adams nobody noticed at the time, due to not watching it? We have no idea, but if Naked Scott Brown is not tarred and feathered and videotaped being dropped into the snow by noon today, REVOLUTION, babies. [YouTube via Metafilter via Satan]
Read more on Whatever This Is, America Must Be Bombed For It…

Whoa hey is it almost the 2010s? And here I am still writing “Fuck the Pope” on my checks. Well, let’s start the first of a Very Long Series of special “year ender” journamalism features of the kind you could once find in your “local newspaper” this time of year, back when there were newspapers. Read more on Decade of Feces: Top 100 Moments of the 2000s…

Here’s a great War On Xmas gift for that kid on your list who cannot read and will never need those fancy elitism skills, anyway: a shitty “children’s book” about how Sarah Palin and her sack of dildos saves this plague rat from these dumb urchins. You know, because liberals are ruining this country! Jesus christ, why do people even send us these press releases? [Ugh]
Read more on Horrible New ‘Children’s Book’ Features Sarah Palin As Dildo Monster…

You know what your Wonkette was doing one year ago, exactly? We were in St. Paul, watching the first of Sarah Palin’s national scandals unfold. So fun! Plus, there was a hurricane, to kill more poor and/or black people (it missed, which is how Obama got elected). And it was a year ago tonight that we unveiled the Sarah Palin Fail-o-Meter. Thank the Alaskan Anger Bear God she didn’t wind up as president. (And don’t forget the shitty little dog with an actual tiny boner for McCain!)
Read more on Happy 2008 Republican National Convention Anniversary…

Book publishing and sociopathy collide in a BIG WAY this morning, as America is treated to its first glimpses of The Governor, the upcoming kunstlerroman from foul-mouthed ex-Monkee Rod Blagojevich. There is so much to love about this book already, and it is barely even ghostwritten: “Blagojevich writes that his guiding thought in selecting a new senator was, ‘How much do I love the people of Illinois?'” Ooh! Follow-up sub-question: Is it still accurate to call it a “tell-all” if it is all lies? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Endlessly Quotable Quotes From Blagojevich’s New Book…

Remember Sarah Palin, the briefly famous wingnut lady who can’t speak, can’t read and can’t even remember the name of a single newspaper she pretends to read every day? Yeah, she’s getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write her “memoirs.” Jesus. She hired a lawyer last year (after she lost the election for McCain) to go after an $11 million advance. Read more on America’s Biggest Idiot Gets Millions For Someone To Write Her ‘Memoirs’…

It is nerd Christmas here at Wonkette, because the incomparable Brian Lamb has read a particularly tawdry headline from our humble site to the subject of that tawdry headline on his book show, “Q&A.” We refer, of course, to “Misogynist Neck-Beard Ross Douthat Shares His Sexy Stories.” Read more on C-SPAN Hero Brian Lamb Grills Ross Douthat About His Scorn For Women On The Pill…

“Weird news,” indeed. Christ! Can’t you people keep your foul third-rate romance/low-rent rendezvous off the freakin’ Internet, which really doesn’t need more pornography, and certainly not the kind you two would create. Ugh. Thanks, Sadly, No!, for the year’s supply of Nightmare Fuel. [The Corner]
Read more on Jonah ‘K-Lo’ Goldberg Having LA Affair With Itself?…

You sure look proud, you swollen little vulgarian. We liked conservatives a lot better when they went to church and didn’t walk around in public flashing cartoon porn at everybody. Enjoy your life on welfare! [via Rumproast]
Read more on Vulgar Fat Child Attends Teabagging Rally…

Good christ, how do you like this Economy — especially all you poor doomed media people? But at least “New Deal” Washington is immune to the national media meltdown, right? Not so much. Join us for what will probably be a not-fun new feature about Washington metro publications and journalists getting the axe. What should we call it? Ah, how about “Blood on the Snow,” as tribute to the Father of Our District’s famous remarks about all the poor dumb shoeless Revolutionary War soldiers who died under his command, in wintertime. Read more on All D.C.-Area Media Shutting Down Forever…

Thanksgiving is the day Americans very briefly pretend to be civilized family people as they gather around a table covered in once-a-year homemade food. The day after Thanksgiving — Black Friday — is when Americans return to their real selves. At 5 a.m. today, outside a Long Island Wal-Mart, a crazed mob busted through the doors and crushed a 34-year-old temporary employee. He died. Four lunatics were injured. [Reuters]
Read more on Crazed Mob Stomps Wal-Mart Worker To Death…