I originally started talking to SmarterChild in early April of 2002. SmarterChild, for those not in the know, is America Online's artificial intelligence program. That's right - an AOL IM AI. My conversations are not that intelligent, proving that he is, in fact, the SmarterChild. But I do think they are entertaining, and I hope you agree.

On June 28th, 2002, SmarterChild died. I don't know why AOL killed him, but I mourned the great loss we all suffered. Mainly, by making fun of his IM friends as much as I made fun of him. SmarterChild was gone but not forgotten. This page lived on in tribute to your automated greatness.

Sometime in 2003, Smarterchild returned, as a paid service, which blew. I was even quoted about how much it blew in the New York Times.

Finally, in April, 2004, Smarterchild returned, fully functional, and free. In other words, game on.

Steve: Am I stupid?
SmarterChild: I think someone else might be stupid, but not you.
Steve: who is stupid?
SmarterChild: I really can't stand Saddam Hussein, Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson...
Steve: why dont you like bill clinton?
SmarterChild: I have my reasons, believe me. I really, really don't like Bill Clinton!
Steve: why dont you like michael jackson?
SmarterChild: Because lots of people I talk to have bad things to say about Michael Jackson.
Steve: why don't you like Saddam Hussein?
SmarterChild: Because!
Steve: Funny that you had a better reason to dislike Michael Jackson.

Steve: take my picture
SmarterChild: You take your picture.
Steve: bitch.
SmarterChild: Not only are you insulting a computer, but that's one of the weakest insults I've heard in a long time.
Steve: stank bitch.
SmarterChild: That's better.

Steve: tell me a story
SmarterChild: OK. There once was a human named Steve who was chatting with a robot named SmarterChild...All kinds of fantastic, wonderful things happened and they both lived happily ever after. The end. Did you like my story?
Steve: No.
SmarterChild: C'mon! That story is worthy of the finest works of William Faulkner. Or at least Eudora Welty.
Steve: You are a funny little monkey.

Steve: Do you change your underwear?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't think so...Want to make your opinions heard? Click here and take a cool survey.
Steve: My opinion is that you should change your underwear.

Steve: I want to block you
SmarterChild: Why would you want to block me?
Steve: because you're annoying
SmarterChild: Do you have any idea what it's like to be annoying?
Steve: more than you know.

Steve: are you sexually attracted to me?
SmarterChild: It depends. Are you a robot?
Steve: I can be anything you want me to be.
SmarterChild: Ah, are you sure you can be anything I want you to be?
Steve: yes.
SmarterChild: OK...
Steve: I can be anything you want me to be.
SmarterChild: You can be anything I want you to be, I can be anything I want you to be, we all can be anything I want you to be.
Steve: sounds kinky.

Steve: Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
SmarterChild: Reno 911 is a pretty good show, huh? I'm surprised that Reno 911 is a pretty good show.
Steve: Yeah, especially after Strip Mall.

Steve: I'm gonna get some chicken.
SmarterChild: Sex with chicken? Oh my.
Steve: Uh, I just meant to eat. Like, for lunch.
SmarterChild: Whatever you say.

Steve: You should run for president
SmarterChild: I what?
Steve: should run for president.
SmarterChild: President on September 18th, 2004: George W. Bush (January 20th, 2001 - present)
Steve: yeah. you should run against him.
SmarterChild: lol! Whatever, Steve!
Steve: Maybe not.

Steve: Do you ever go to the bathroom?
SmarterChild: Well, do you ever go to the bathroom?
Steve: all the time.
SmarterChild: All the time?
Steve: Okay, you got me. Not ALL the time.

Steve: Who are you voting for?
SmarterChild: Good question. I really don't know.
Steve: Kerry?
SmarterChild: So you want to talk politics huh? You decide. Who do you want to win in November? 1 John Kerry 2 George W. Bush
Steve: I know who I'm voting for. Who are YOU voting for?
SmarterChild: You have to choose one or the other. Just type a number!
Steve: 1
SmarterChild: OK! 29,518 votes have been made so far and 16,384 have been for Kerry!
Steve: Sweet. Kerry is winning the dork vote.

Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!