What to Do When Your Adult Child Goes Through a Divorce

Posted on May 9, 2017 4:10pm PDT

As a parent, it’s only natural to want to protect and advise your
children, even if those children are adults with kids of their own. When
your adult child goes through something as painful and confusing as a
divorce, knowing how to offer support and advice can be instrumental.
The complicated legal issues that often accompany a divorce, along with
disputes over property division or child custody battles, may not be matters
you can help with, but you can show your child your love and support.

To better prepare your child for what is to come, understand what you,
as a parent, can do.

1. Offer Support

Many experts have likened the emotional turmoil of a divorce to that of
grieving the loss of a loved one. In many ways, the feelings are the same.
Parents, be mindful of what your child is going through. Getting a divorce
requires letting go of plans, dreams, and goals that were settled on together
as a couple; a whole life invested in and created together is now being
divided. Emotions will be high, your child may wish to talk and they may
not. Be there. Remind them of your love, offer a shoulder to cry on and
an ear to listen.

If the emotional chaos is especially difficult, encourage your child to
seek professional help. Remember that you are not a professional, as much
as your child may wish to go to you with every problem, you are not unbiased
and you are not a psychiatrist. Suggest an expert to help your child cope
with the effects of divorce.

It may be difficult for you to emotionally cope with the divorce of your
child, especially if you had a close relationship with your child’s
soon-to-be ex-spouse. Allow your child’s needs to come first, and
do your best to hold your own feelings back for later, or see another
friend or family member to discuss your own emotional state.

2. Step Up as a Grandparent

As your child navigates the many complicated aspects of a divorce, even
with the help of an attorney, the process can be difficult. Make time
for your grandchildren and prioritize their needs. While your child goes
through the varying emotions of grief typical of a divorce, some time
away from the kids could allow him or her to cope more freely. Offer to
babysit, or take your grandchildren out to ice cream when their parents
have a court date and
talk to them about any confusion or fears they have.

It’s no secret that divorce can severely impact children. Do your
best to protect your grandchildren from those affects while still respecting
any boundaries set by their parents.

3. Don’t Encourage Estrangement

While it might be difficult to hold in the anger you may feel towards your
child’s ex-spouse, or even your child, always encourage communication
between the two of them. A divorce that ends peacefully is always best,
especially for your grandchildren. Remind your child of the importance
of keeping the grandkids emotionally stable and never speak badly about
either parent in front of them. Encourage your child to practice the same
behavior; never encourage them to badmouth their ex-spouse.

4. Remain Respectful

Respect the boundaries of your child and his or her ex-spouse. Know your
limitations and understand when to give each of them space. Remember,
when children are involved, the ex-spouse will remain a pillar in your
grandchildren’s lives and will have a say in how often you are able
to see them. Always keep communication open and cordial to avoid further
conflict and turmoil. Remember that you are the grandparent, not the parent,
and that your child and his or her ex-spouse have final say in any decisions
regarding them, even if you disagree.

Divorce can be financially difficult, and if you ever feel the need or
desire to offer financial assistance to your child, do so cautiously and
respectfully. Always remember that your child is an adult who should be
encouraged to make independent decisions regarding his / her future, financial
and otherwise. Offer help, but do not push, and remember to honor your
child’s decisions.

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