9. Seeking Reconciliation (Genesis 32:1-21)

So Jacob went on his way and the angels of God met him. When Jacob saw them, he exclaimed, “This is the camp of God!” So he named that place Mahanaim. Jacob sent messengers on ahead to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the region of Edom. He commanded them, “This is what you must say to my lord Esau: ‘This is what your servant Jacob says: I have been staying with Laban until now. I have oxen, donkeys, sheep, and male and female servants. I have sent this message to inform my lord, so that I may find favor in your sight.’” The messengers returned to Jacob and said, “We went to your brother Esau. He is coming to meet you and has four hundred men with him.” Jacob was very afraid and upset. So he divided the people who were with him into two camps, as well as the flocks, herds, and camels. “If Esau attacks one camp,” he thought, “then the other camp will be able to escape.” Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O Lord, you said to me, ‘Return to your land and to your relatives and I will make you prosper.’ I am not worthy of all the faithful love you have shown your servant. With only my walking stick I crossed the Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Rescue me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, as well as the mothers with their children. But you said, ‘I will certainly make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand on the seashore, too numerous to count.’” Jacob stayed there that night. Then he sent as a gift to his brother Esau two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys. He entrusted them to his servants, who divided them into herds. He told his servants, “Pass over before me, and keep some distance between one herd and the next.” He instructed the servant leading the first herd, “When my brother Esau meets you and asks, ‘To whom do you belong? Where are you going? Whose herds are you driving?’ then you must say, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob. They have been sent as a gift to my lord Esau. In fact Jacob himself is behind us.’” He also gave these instructions to the second and third servants, as well as all those who were following the herds, saying, “You must say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. You must also say, ‘In fact your servant Jacob is behind us.’” Jacob thought, “I will first appease him by sending a gift ahead of me. After that I will meet him. Perhaps he will accept me.” So the gifts were sent on ahead of him while he spent that night in the camp.

Genesis 32:1-21 (NET)

How should we seek reconciliation with those we’ve hurt or who have hurt us?

With the advent of sin, relationships became fractured. God prophesied to Adam and Eve that there would be discord in their marriage. Genesis 3:16 says, “You will want to control your husband, but he will dominate you.” Ultimately, their fractured marriage led to broken children. Their oldest son, Cain, killed the younger, Abel.

Similarly, Jacob came from a dysfunctional home. Isaac favored Esau and Rebekah favored Jacob. In order to secure the oldest son Esau’s birthright, Jacob dressed like his brother and deceived his blind father. Since then, Esau harbored resentment for his brother, and like Cain, plotted to kill him. In order to save Jacob’s life, Rebekah sent him away to Haran to find a wife. She promised that after Esau’s anger had subsided, she would send for him (Gen 27:43-45). Twenty years passed, Jacob gained two wives, twelve children, and great wealth while working for his uncle Laban. However, while working there, Jacob also had a difficult relationship with his uncle—so much so, that he ran away with his family at night. Laban searched after him for seven days and caught up to him. If God had not rebuked Laban in a dream, he might have harmed Jacob. Instead, they made a covenant before God to not hurt one another (Gen 31).

Jacob came from a dysfunctional family. His relationship with his brother was broken. His relationship with his uncle was unhealthy. In this narrative, after having some sort of reconciliation with Laban, Jacob now seeks to address his broken relationship with Esau.

Since we have sin in our hearts and live in a sinful world, we will commonly hurt others and others will hurt us. Therefore, we’ll commonly need to seek reconciliation. Christ said if we don’t forgive others, God won’t forgive us (Matt 6:14). Also, in the Parable of the Merciless Servant, Christ taught that if we didn’t forgive, God would discipline us (Matt 18:35). In 1 Peter 3:7, Peter said if husbands aren’t considerate of their wives, it would hinder their prayers. Discord not only affects our relationships with others but also our relationship with God. Therefore, we must be quick to seek reconciliation, lest we give the devil a foothold in our lives and communities (Eph 4:26-27).

In Genesis 32:1-21, we see Jacob’s attempt to reconcile with his brother Esau, after twenty years of division. As we consider it, we’ll learn principles about seeking reconciliation with others.

BigQuestion: What principles can we discern about seeking reconciliation from Jacob’s attempt to reconcile with Esau in Genesis 32:1-21?

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Continually Abide in God’s Presence

So Jacob went on his way and the angels of God met him. When Jacob saw them, he exclaimed, “This is the camp of God!” So he named that place Mahanaim.

Genesis 32:1-2

After Jacob made a peace treaty with Laban and continued on his way to Canaan, God’s angels met with him. We don’t know exactly what this looked like. But it must be noted that it doesn’t say that angels “appeared to him,” but that they “met him.” It seems that God’s angels, who are usually invisible, not only appeared but also ministered to Jacob—probably similar to how angels ministered to Christ after his temptation in the wilderness (Matt 4:11). Hebrews 1:14 says that angels are spirits sent by God to serve those who will inherit salvation. They are always ministering to believers, even when we don’t see them. Psalm 91:11-12 says, “For he will order his angels to protect you in all you do. They will lift you up in their hands, so you will not slip and fall on a stone.” Christ warned that nobody should despise God’s little ones—referring to young believers—because their angels always see the face of God (Matt 18:10). They are always waiting for God’s command to act on behalf of believers.

When God’s angels met with Jacob, he exclaimed, “This is the camp of God!” The word “camp” can also be translated “host,” “army,” or “group of people.”1 It seems that this was not just a few angels but a great number of them. Jacob names the place Mahanaim, which means “two camps.” Commentators are divided on what Mahanaim referred to. Some believe it referred to the camp of angels and Jacob’s camp. Others believe that Jacob encounters two camps of angels—a great angelic army. If there were two camps of angels, then it probably pictured how God was protecting Jacob from the two dangerous situations. He was protecting Jacob from Laban on one side and Esau on the other. We saw something similar when Elisha was surrounded by an army of Syrians and his servant was afraid. Therefore, Elisha prayed for God to open the eyes of his servant, so he could know the help God had provided. After the prayer, the servant sees fiery angels protecting them from the Syrians (2 Kings 6:15-17). Again, Scripture says this is not uncommon for believers. Psalm 34:7 says, “The Lord’s angel camps around the Lord’s loyal followers and delivers them.” In Job 1:10, Satan proclaims that God put a hedge of protection around Job—probably referring to angels. The Lord is always protecting and ministering to believers through angels.

It must be noticed that the first time Jacob encountered angels was when he left his home in Canaan for Haran (Gen 28). As he was obediently seeking a wife, God revealed himself through a heavenly ladder with angels ascending and descending upon it. Now, as Jacob is returning home, in obedience to God, he similarly experiences God’s grace. Often, we will encounter God’s presence and grace in the midst of our obedience as well. He gives us special mercies to encourage and strengthen us for the tasks ahead. Initially, God encouraged Jacob before he would enter a difficult twenty years of service with Laban. And now, God ministers to Jacob twice before he encounters Esau. God reveals angels to him and later appears to him in physical form as a wrestler (Gen 32:24-32)—all to encourage and empower Jacob for reconciliation.

Through meeting with God, God also gives grace to us. When we’re abiding in him, through his Word and prayer, we’ll find energy, strength, and desire to reconcile with others. When we’re not, we’ll often hold on to grudges and negative memories. The acts of flesh are “hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish rivalries, dissensions, factions, envying, murder” (Gal 5:20-21). However, the fruits of the Spirit are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal 5:22-23). These fruits only come when we live in the Spirit (Gal 5:16)—when we are abiding in God’s presence, even as Jacob was. He met with angels, representing God, and he also met with God, in human form, before he reconciled with Esau.

Are you continually meeting with God and receiving his ministry? Or are you walking in flesh? When we continually meet with God, he encourages us to seek reconciliation with others and empowers us to do so.

ApplicationQuestion: How have you experienced desire and empowerment to seek reconciliation when abiding in God? How have you experienced hardness of heart towards others when neglecting time with God? Are there any people God is calling you to seek reconciliation with or to help reconcile?

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Humble Ourselves and Give Up Our Rights

Jacob sent messengers on ahead to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the region of Edom. He commanded them, “This is what you must say to my lord Esau: ‘This is what your servant Jacob says: I have been staying with Laban until now. I have oxen, donkeys, sheep, and male and female servants. I have sent this message to inform my lord, so that I may find favor in your sight.’”

Genesis 32:3-5

After meeting with the angels, Jacob seeks reconciliation with his estranged brother, who was living in the land of Seir. The fact that he knew where Esau was located probably meant he had received some word from home—though not telling him that Esau’s anger had subsided. Jacob sent messengers to Esau in order to seek his favor and reconciliation. He said this to Esau through his servants, “I have been staying with Laban until now. I have oxen, donkeys, sheep, and male and female servants. I have sent this message to inform my lord, so that I may find favor in your sight” (v. 4-5). This statement not only showed Jacob’s desire for reconciliation, but also the fact that he wasn’t laying claim to his right of leadership over Esau. Jacob called Esau, “Lord”—humbling himself before him as a servant. The fact that Jacob mentions his wealth means that he wasn’t trying to claim any of Esau’s wealth.

When seeking reconciliation with others, we must do the same. We must humble ourselves before them and serve them. In Philippians 2:3-4, Paul says this to a congregation struggling with discord (cf. Phil 4:2):

Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself. Each of you should be concerned not only about your own interests, but about the interests of others as well.

Instead of selfishly claiming our rights, we should humble ourselves before others by seeking their desires over our own. The primary reason for most discord is simply pride—two people want their own way and won’t focus on the other’s viewpoint or desires. Therefore, the primary way that we seek reconciliation is by humbling ourselves before others and serving them.

When Jacob calls Esau, “Lord,” again, it implies that Jacob is his servant and that he won’t be exercising his right as Isaac’s heir. Something similar happened in Genesis 13, when Abraham’s and Lot’s servants were fighting with one another. Though Abraham was the patriarch, he humbles himself before Lot and says, “Take your pick of the land. Whatever direction you go, I will go the other.” Culturally Abraham had the right to the best of the land and spiritually he had the right, as God promised the land to him. This was also true with Jacob. Isaac gave the right of firstborn to Jacob, and God had promised that Esau would serve Jacob, even before they were born. However, Jacob doesn’t claim his rights—he simply humbles himself before his brother.

We must do the same if we are going to seek reconciliation. Yes, we might have the right to be angry. Yes, they did us wrong. However, we must humbly give up our rights and serve them. Paul said this to the Corinthians who were going to court and suing one another in 1 Corinthians 6:7. “The fact that you have lawsuits among yourselves demonstrates that you have already been defeated. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?” Again, Paul’s argument is, “Why not just humble yourself and give up your rights in order to seek reconciliation? Why not turn the other cheek like Christ taught?”

Sadly, instead of humbling ourselves and giving up our rights, many of us hold on to our pride and our rights—allowing, sometimes, years to go by without reconciliation, like Jacob did. During this time, he not only lacked a relationship with his brother, but it also cost him many years of intimacy with his father and mother. Our broken relationship with someone often negatively affects other relationships as well.

Are you holding on to your pride and offense—as you stay at odds with others? Or are you humbling yourself and giving up your rights in order to seek reconciliation? Humbling ourselves and giving up our rights doesn’t mean that we don’t at times seek justice or even peacefully separate, as seen with Jacob and Laban. But it does mean that we take the necessary steps to resolve the tension in a godly manner.

ApplicationQuestion: In what ways is pride often the biggest culprit in discord? In what ways can we practically humble ourselves before others in order to seek reconciliation? Should we always give up our rights, including rights for justice? If not, when should we pursue our rights?

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Realize that It Might Not Happen Immediately

The messengers returned to Jacob and said, “We went to your brother Esau. He is coming to meet you and has four hundred men with him.” Jacob was very afraid and upset. So he divided the people who were with him into two camps, as well as the flocks, herds, and camels. “If Esau attacks one camp,” he thought, “then the other camp will be able to escape.”

Genesis 32:6-8

Unfortunately, Jacob’s attempt at reconciliation doesn’t seem to be welcomed. Esau doesn’t give positive words to Jacob’s servants; he immediately gathers four hundred men and rides out to meet Jacob. When Jacob hears this, he is immediately overcome with fear (v. 7). He forgot that God had two armies of angels around him. All he could focus on was the small army coming towards him and his family. It seems that Jacob’s attempt for reconciliation failed, and Esau still intended to harm him. Therefore, Jacob separates his camp into two—thinking that if Esau attacked one, the other could still escape.

We don’t know for sure if Esau’s initial plan was to harm Jacob, but all the evidence seems to point towards that. Given their past history, gathering such a large contingent to meet Jacob, surely would be taken negatively. Also, Jacob’s mother never sent word that Esau’s intentions had changed, as she promised (Gen 27:43-45). Therefore, all the evidence pointed towards the fact that Esau was still harboring a deadly grudge.

Similarly, when we take steps towards reconciliation, we must also recognize that our attempts might not be met kindly. It’s often said that time heals all wounds, but that is not always true. Often time only more firmly cements the wounds, leaving people crippled. Often people go throughout life holding onto their unforgiveness and bitterness. Certain experiences like seeing the person, hearing about their prosperity, or hearing about a similar situation, only bring back all their raw emotions. For many when they talk about their experience many years later, it’s like it’s fresh—like it happened recently. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. However, God can, when we forgive and seek reconciliation—otherwise those wounds tend to cement.

Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people.” Whether others are ready to reconcile or not, we must do our part. This means forgiving them, praying for them, reaching out to them, and also waiting for them.

If we don’t realistically consider that our attempts at reconciliation might be rejected, we might get discouraged or give up when they are. Often reaching out is just the first step, then there are smaller ones that help build trust. God may still need to do more work in them or us first before reconciliation occurs. Either way, we can’t change people’s hearts, but we can do our part, while trusting God.

ApplicationQuestion: Why does reconciliation often take time? In what ways have you experienced delays while pursuing full reconciliation? What should we do in the waiting season?

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Labor in Prayer

Then Jacob prayed, “O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O Lord, you said to me, ‘Return to your land and to your relatives and I will make you prosper.’ I am not worthy of all the faithful love you have shown your servant. With only my walking stick I crossed the Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Rescue me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, as well as the mothers with their children. But you said, ‘I will certainly make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand on the seashore, too numerous to count.’”

Genesis 32:9-12

After dividing into two camps, Jacob prays. Interestingly, this is Jacob’s first recorded prayer.2 Though God met with Jacob at Bethel (Gen 28), later gave him a dream calling him to return to Canaan (Gen 31), and allowed him to experience two camps of angels (Gen 32), Scripture never says Jacob prayed as a response. He might have made vows, named the places, and responded in obedience, but Scripture doesn’t say he prayed. Maybe, that was part of the reason that Jacob was very weak spiritually—prone to walk in the flesh instead of the Spirit. He had a weak prayer life, which led to bad decisions and deceitful practices. However, it was through prayer that God was going to give Jacob wisdom and help bring reconciliation.

No doubt, God orchestrated these circumstances to help Jacob grow in his prayer life. Laban was behind him and Esau was in front of him. There was nothing else to do but pray. Often this is how God trains us to pray as well. He allows us to go through a very difficult circumstance to create a deeper dependence upon God and prayer. Jacob was very afraid, and this fear, instead of leading him to hopelessness, led him to hope in God. God could deliver him.

There are five aspects to Jacob’s prayer from which we can learn:

Inprayer,wemustprayGod’sWord. In verse 9, Jacob declares how God said to him, “Return to your land and to your relatives and I will make you prosper,” and in verse 12, he reiterates God’s promise to make his children like the sands of the seashore. He essentially says to God, “You promised to take care of me and bless my family!” In the same way, we must pray God’s promises. God said that he will never leave us nor forsake us (Matt 28:20). He promises to meet all our needs, as we seek first his kingdom (Matt 6:33). He promises us peace, as we reject anxiety and live in thanksgiving and prayer (Phil 4:6-7). He promises to give us wisdom if we ask for it (Jam 1:5). If we are going to pray effectively, we must know God’s Word. The very reason many of us are weak in prayer is because we don’t know it. God’s Word prompts and empowers prayer. Are you living in God’s Word?

Inprayer,wemusthumbleourselvesbeforetheLordanddependonhisgrace. Jacob says, “I am not worthy of all the faithful love you have shown your servant” (v. 10). In Luke 18:9-14, Christ gave the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector. Before God, the Pharisee boasted about his righteousness, but the tax collector confessed his sin and unworthiness. Christ said the tax collector went home justified but the Pharisee did not (Lk 18:14). Sadly, many of our prayers are unproductive because they are rooted in pride and what we think we deserve, instead of recognizing God’s grace—his unmerited favor upon sinners. Many people have angry prayers that blame God, as they don’t recognize their own sin and guilt. The humble person receives God’s blessing and the prideful person only receives God’s discipline. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (Jam 4:6). Are you humbling yourself before God or pridefully claiming what you think you deserve?

Inprayer,wemustdeclareGod’sfaithfulness.In verse 10, Jacob declares, “With only my walking stick I crossed the Jordan, but now I have become two camps.” When he left Canaan for Haran, he had nothing. Now his people were like two armies. God had truly blessed him, and Jacob affirms that in prayer. Psalm 107:2 says, “Let those delivered by the Lord speak out, those whom he delivered from the power of the enemy.” In fact, many of the Psalms are simply God’s people recounting God’s past works—he delivered Israel from Egypt, split the Red Sea, conquered their enemies, etc. We would do well to do this often in prayer, as it honors God and strengthens our faith. We must remember times when he delivered us, strengthened us, and used us for his glory. In one sentence, Jacob encapsulates twenty years of God’s faithfulness. When he began following God, he had nothing and now he had much. Are you giving God thanks in your prayers—remembering his faithful works?

Inprayer,wemustbringourpetitionsbeforetheLord.In verse 11, he says, “Rescue me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau.” Jacob brings a specific petition before the Lord—asking for deliverance from Esau. Similarly, when coming to God, we must bring our petitions. The Lord’s Prayer is six petitions—for God’s name to be hallowed, his kingdom to come, his will to be done, our daily bread, forgiveness, and protection. Therefore, in prayer, we must continually bring our requests. We should not be timid in bringing them before God for he loves to bless his children. James says we have not because we ask not (James 4:2). This means that there are many good things we don’t have, simply because we’ve never asked God for them. Are you bringing your petitions before God?

Inprayer,wemusthonestlyshareourthoughtsandemotionswithGod. In verse 12, Jacob says, “for I am afraid he will come and attack me, as well as the mothers with their children.” Many of the Psalms are just like this—God’s people pouring out their fears, doubts, complaints, confusions, and praises before God. Typically, we only share things with people who we trust and know us well, because we’re afraid of what people will do with our secrets. However, with God, he already knows our hearts and is trustworthy, so he’s the perfect person to share with. We must continually bring our thoughts and raw emotions before the Lord. As we do this, we allow God to transform our hearts. He turns our fears into peace, our doubts into faith, and our anger into love. Sadly, many of us miss this ministry, as we rarely honestly share with God. First Peter 5:7 says, “Cast your cares before the Lord for he cares for you” (paraphrase). Are you bringing your worries and anxieties before the Lord? We should because he cares and has power to heal our hearts, fix our situations, and restore our relationships. Are you being transparent and honest with the Lord or hiding from him?

In order to seek reconciliation and deliverance, like Jacob, we must labor in prayer. Only God can transform us and those we care about. He is the reconciler. He sent Christ to die for our sins to reconcile us both to God and one another. Reconciliation is God’s business, and therefore, we must continually come before him, asking for grace over our relationships.

Are you allowing difficult relationships (and situations) to draw you to prayer? That is one of God’s purposes in allowing difficulties to happen. His grace is available to those who humbly ask for it (James 4:6).

ApplicationQuestion: What aspect of prayer stood out to you most in Jacob’s prayer and why? How is God calling you to grow in your prayer life?

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Bless Those Separated from Us

Jacob stayed there that night. Then he sent as a gift to his brother Esau two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys. He entrusted them to his servants, who divided them into herds. He told his servants, “Pass over before me, and keep some distance between one herd and the next.” He instructed the servant leading the first herd, “When my brother Esau meets you and asks, ‘To whom do you belong? Where are you going? Whose herds are you driving?’ then you must say, ‘They belong to your servant Jacob. They have been sent as a gift to my lord Esau. In fact Jacob himself is behind us.’” He also gave these instructions to the second and third servants, as well as all those who were following the herds, saying, “You must say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. You must also say, ‘In fact your servant Jacob is behind us.’” Jacob thought, “I will first appease him by sending a gift ahead of me. After that I will meet him. Perhaps he will accept me.” So the gifts were sent on ahead of him while he spent that night in the camp.

Genesis 32:13-21

Next, Jacob seeks to pacify Esau with gifts. It is an ingenious plan. He sends over 550 animals, in three separate caravans, spaced evenly apart. 3 With the passing of each caravan, the servants would say to Esau, “They belong to your servant Jacob. They have been sent as a gift to my lord Esau. In fact Jacob himself is behind us” (v. 18). The hope was that these gifts and gentle words would soften Esau’s heart. Some commentators think that Jacob is not trusting God. He has prayed, but now, he is acting in the flesh. However, it seems that Jacob’s actions were acts of faith—inspired by his prayer. Matthew Henry said, “When we have prayed to God for any mercy, we must second our prayers with our endeavors; else, instead of trusting god, we tempt him.”4 Certainly, there are times when we should pray and simply wait to see God’s glory, but most times, it shows a lack of faith to not act. We should pray for a job and also apply for one. We should pray for reconciliation but also show acts of kindness in seeking it, which is exactly what Jacob does.

Similarly, if we are going to seek reconciliation, we must do so by showing acts of kindness to the offended party. In Romans 12:19-21, Paul said:

Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Rather, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing this you will be heaping burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Instead of seeking vengeance or fighting for our rights, we must overcome evil with good. We should pray for our enemies and kindly serve them. As we do this continually, it will often change their hearts towards us. The acts of kindness overcome evil. This is exactly what Jacob did to Esau. In Genesis 33, eventually, they embrace each other and weep together. Through Jacob’s trust in God, humility, prayer, and acts of kindness, God changed Esau’s heart.

How are you responding to those who have hurt you or you’ve hurt? Are you overcoming evil with good or returning evil for evil? If we are going to pursue reconciliation, like Jacob, we must in faith and obedience to God’s Word, bless those separated from us.

ApplicationQuestion: What types of acts of kindness should we show towards others to overcome evil with good and to seek reconciliation? In what ways have you seen God bring reconciliation through this method?

Conclusion

How should we seek reconciliation with others?

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Continually Abide in God’s Presence

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Humble Ourselves and Give Up Our Rights

To Seek Reconciliation, We Must Realize that It Might Not Happen Immediately

Greg Brown earned his MA in religion and MA in teaching from Trinity International University, a MRE from Liberty University, and a PhD in theology from Louisiana Baptist University. He has served over fifteen years in pastoral ministry, and currently serves as chaplain and professor at Handong Glob... More