28 Things Every Red-Blooded American Should Own – 6

Machete: Unlike a chainsaw, you’ll use a machete throughout the year even if you live in an apartment in the Bronx. Sure, you can slice through the jungles of Vietnam with it but it’s also a great box opener, screwdriver, garden tool and display piece. We recommend the Condor Golok as it doubles as an intimidating and attractive paper weight when not in use.