Kids sneaking out to swim at night
In a river

My son has a mate over (just 12), who has spent time at a river shack on the weekend. He went with a relative, the relative's partner and their kids. I believe those kids are 13. My son's friend's mum is my very close friend, not that its really relevant!

So the boys are catching up now, and I'm in the room hearing DS' best friend tell his story. Aaaanyway, mate just recounted they dared each other to cross the river (approx 100m) at 4am when the adults were asleep. I asked was whether they had life jackets on (to which he told me, yes).

What would you do/ think/ say? Would you expect the boys to be punished, told off or would you put it down to normal risk-taking? I am really mortified and if it was my son, there would be serious consequences.

Without wanting to re-ignite a helicoptering debate, just wondering about some other's thoughts.

Definitely tell the parents - a huge safety issue, why anyone would countenance doing anything different is beyond me! Issues about the nature of my friendship with the parents wouldn't even come into it!

Not worth it? What if he is doing it and he drowns next time? At least by letting the parent know they can talk to their son about it. Imagine waking up to see your sons bed empty and not having a clue where he is or where to look and then finding out he drowned and people knew he was engaging in that risky behaviour but never said anything because "boys will be boys."

Not worth it? What if he is doing it and he drowns next time? At least by letting the parent know they can talk to their son about it. Imagine waking up to see your sons bed empty and not having a clue where he is or where to look and then finding out he drowned and people knew he was engaging in that risky behaviour but never said anything because "boys will be boys."

I would definitely say something -- it's VERY dangerous behavior. And if the boys are just telling tales, then they ought to be told in no uncertain terms that crossing a river in the middle of the night with no adult present is totally reckless.

If a friend of mine thought that *I* was overreacting, I would seriously question whether her head was screwed on correctly.

Tell your friend. Approach it in a 'this is what the boys were saying, lord knows if it was true or not..' way but you need to tell her.

I think the momentary embarrassment if she thinks you are a bit of an overprotective drama queen will be far less painful than having to have the worry that they might actually have done it and may do it again on your conscience...

(I can't imagine they did though - rivers at night are very scary.. and this is coming from someone who likes swimming in rivers AND swimming at night.....but not at the same time!)

I'd trust my friends to react appropriately if I told them the circumstances under which I extracted the information.

It may well have been appropriate risk taking depending on the children's water safety and confidence. My dh grew up on a river and is much more confident with river swimming than I am - but you also never know whether or not the parents were actually aware .

If it was just sneaking out to have a swim in a swimming pool (something my friends and I often did as teenagers), I would let it go, but since it was in a river, then I would definitely say something. I'd also be giving my son a very long lecture about the dangers of what his friends did, just in case he's ever in the same situation.

If it was just sneaking out to have a swim in a swimming pool (something my friends and I often did as teenagers), I would let it go, but since it was in a river, then I would definitely say something. I'd also be giving my son a very long lecture about the dangers of what his friends did, just in case he's ever in the same situation.

I used to engage in some stupid behavior as a 12/13-year-old, too, but that doesn't mean I want my kids to do the same. I'd be saying something about sneaking off for a night swim in a pool without adult supervision, as well, which is also dangerous behavior. I'm sure Kat/hannabug could provide us with a few very scary stats about deaths/near deaths for "just sneaking out to have a swim in a swimming pool." I don't want my kids thinking it's EVER a good idea to sneak off to swim without proper supervision.

The great danger in river swimming is not just how fast the river is flowing but the unseen snags in the river that can change unexpectedly - what wasn't there this morning has been hauled down the river and is there tonight.