What not to say when you're engaged

We're delighted that you've got engaged, we really are. And
we're happy to discuss dresses and honeymoons and seating plans and
lingerie. But what really desiccates our goodwill is the endless
talk of The Ring. You have waxed your fingers to display it to best
effect, there are weekly manicures and fretting over cleaning
methods, you stroke it and talk about it like it has feelings, and
all the while it is glinting at us in the soft light of the wine
bar, taunting, whispering 'Your friend is gone, she is ours
now...'

What Not To Say

'Look at my ring!'

'This is a replica, the real thing is in the safe.'

'My ring has its own twitter account'

'Do you want to know how much it cost?'

'Gosh, but it is heavy!'

'The diamond was too small so I gave it back'

What To Say

Nothing, unless someone else brings it up and if they do, no
false modesty please. If your ring is wildly extravagant,
acknowledge this with humour and self-deprecation. 'I know! It's
sodding emeralds. He must have stolen it. I have no idea how I got
so lucky. Now, tell me about your new job/flat/cat/shoes...' and so
on. Because diamonds may be forever but friends are for
life.