Thursday, April 10, 2014

"Start The Revolution Without Me"

The interesting and informative book-on-tape I am currently
reading, 1775, by Kevin Phillips,
explains, in the most informative specifics, how the American Revolution came
to be.To me, a pessimist and a
Canadian, it is unfathomable that a ragtag country of amateurs would ever think
of taking on the most formidable military power on earth.

In this context, I put on my “Imagining Cap”, and concocted
this (as it turns out non-) “Recruitment Scenario.”(With my
attitude, it’s the only I can concoct.)

The Place:A
small New England shop (Or maybe shoppe.I am a little shaky on the period.)

Close enough.Although
“Friend” sounds a little “Quakerish.”I
could switch it to a Pennsylvania shop.But let’s say we move on.

PROPRIETOR:
What can I do for you?

STRANGER:I am in need of three sticks “sealing
wax.”I have written many documents of a
personal nature and wish to insure them against tampering.

P:The precise
purpose of “sealing wax.”

S:I know.But thank you for confirming that for me.

P:There you go,
sir.Call it tuppence ha’penny.

S:A fair price for
“sealing wax.”

P:We think we’re
competitive, sir. Though the shop
speciality is “wicks and candles.”

S:Not meaning to endanger
your livelihood, but I have recently been severely restricting my wick and candle
usage, my ready cash being increasingly depleted due to the exorbitant taxes
levied by the Stamp Act of 1765.

(A little “pipey” {expositional}, but necessary.)

“Exorbitant”, you say.

“Exorbitant” I say, and “exorbitant” I energetically
affirm.May we speak freely, sir?

I have a parrot in the shop, but he doesn’t talk.That’s why he’s still in the shop.

(IN A CONSPIRATORIAL TONE)There are people in these parts who find in such iniquitous assizes a
persuasive compulsion for a call to arms.

Understood – “wink, wink.”But “theoretically”, let us say, would you, in a generic and
suppositionally sense be afraid to go to war against England?

Theoretically, suppositionally, and in every other manner –
Yes!

Why?

Because they’re England!

Meaning…?

We’ll lose!

Are you afraid to fight then, sir?

I’ve fought Indians.

(PATRONIZING)Ah, yes
- guns against arrows.

All right, let us clarify this here and now, lest you be an
historian and this egregious misconception
becomes chronicled for posterity.Did
you know that, in the time it takes to load and fire once from a flintlock, the
average Indian can string and let fly as many as half a dozen arrows?

Are you claiming you were outgunned by Indians without guns?

We were out-somethinged,
that’s for certain.And
those tribespeople whose land we were taking were no gentlemen.They did not wait till we reloaded.We’re wadding and tamping down, and they’re just
firing away!

I see.So you make
the distinction between fighting Indians and fighting our English
oppressors.

They’re not so bad.

The Stamp Act.The Tea
Act.Duties on whisky and
molasses.We colonists must stand up for
our rights.“No Taxation Without
Representation!”

To be honest, I never really got that one.Do we really believe all our difficulties
will be solved with American representation in the British parliament?Hundreds of "limey" legislators, and thirteen “Yahoos”
from the States?

What we really mean is, “No taxation without our
consent.”

I know, but it’s always “No taxation Without
Representation.”Just because it
rhymes.

It is catchier, I grant you that.

Who wants to get killed for a catchy slogan?

Plus some sprightly marching music…?

NO!

But sir, just imagine if won.

It’s ENGLAND!!!Use your head, won’t you?We are outnumbered.We are outgunned.They defeat big countries, like France.And if that weren’t enough, if it’s arguable
that the most formidable fighters in the world are not the British, then the
arguably more formidable fighters in
the world are the Hessians. Guess
who the British are hiring for their mercenaries?

The Hessians and the English against us?That’s two bears attacking a chipmunk.

Granting your arguments, we do have certain attributes of
our own.

Like what?

We are extremely good shots.

That’s it?

No.We also know the terrain.And we are of a demonstrably heartier stock,
our forefathers having risked everything to emigrate while theirs remained home
and drank tea.

We drink tea.

But we drink it here.More importantly – and it cannot be
over-emphasized – we Americans have right on our side.

Do you know what “martyrs” are? – people who are massacred
with right on their side.Forgive me,
sir, but I would rather be a live purveyor of wicks and candles than a righteous
but entirely dead patriot.

An entirely dead American
patriot.

That doesn’t really change anything.

So be it, then.I
thank you the “sealing wax” and the chat, and I shall now be on my way.

A pleasure to serve you, sir.(HALF TO HIMSELF)Despite the silly talk.

THE CUSTOMER EXITS.

And so, lacking popular support, a war is averted, and the
American colonies do not attain their independence.

No, wait!They did!

Sorry.I’ve gotta do more research.

It’s just that, the logic of the situation predicts a
conclusion opposite to what actually occurred.

How exactly did that happen?

Which brings us back, not entirely unexpectedly, to
“evidence” versus “belief.”

Not that, again.

I’m sorry, but yes.

I have always wanted to write about this, but my heart has
never sufficiently been in it.It would appear, that for some people, in
some cases, belief, if it’s powerful enough, not only vanquishes evidence, it
tramples everything in its path.

These inexplicable outcomes consistently baffle me.When a conscientious exploration determines
than a course of action can definitely not be accomplished, I simply do not see
how it is possible…