Cynical ramblings of a Latin girl living in Dublin

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As a single lady of about 30 I seem to be told that I need to find a boyfriend all the time, by my friends, family and even by Facebook. Okay I am single, but no, I do not want to register into ANY online dating service. Any of them, really. Meet Irish Sober Men sounds like a nice one, pretty tempting I must say, but I’d rather search hard offline. I am just not the online dating person and I am not clicking on any of these ads, would you not consider stop displaying them at all on my profile?

All this social network advertising can sometimes be quite annoying. They call it ‘targeting demographics’, which means they try to display ads that are supposed to be relevant to you, according to the personal details, statuses and interests loaded in your profile. The more they can get from you, the better they can advertise. Or so they think. Do you find these ‘personalised adverts’ interesting at all? Some people would say ‘Just ignore them’, but how can I ignore Maturewoman wanted(Facebook, did you really just call me ‘mature’?) or No more flabby arms? I wonder if they have a software that analyses your pictures: new wrinkle, go with the ad for old spinsters; chubby cheeks, go with the ad for fat chicks. Right, my arms would benefit from a little toning (whose arms wouldn’t?), so what? Mind your own business Facebook!

In a nutshell here is what Facebook seems to be telling me: I am an old spinster (seriously Facebook, ‘mature’?), I should be married and have kids by now, so I urgently need to find a man and learn how to stay in a relationship (How to keep men hooked); my biological clock is ticking (Tryingfor a baby? We are leaders in reproductive medicine) and I am probably still single because I have flabby arms and a double chin (oh, that Beautify your neckad is so inviting!), but if I really want to keep on with my sad life I can Save 70% on Brownies (or get a cheap van insurance).

Have you ever had the impression that whatever you may mention on your wall or even in your private conversations won’t take long to re-appear as a topic in one of the ads on the right-hand side? If by chance that is exactly what you were looking for, this is very impactful advertising. If that is not the case though (and doesn’t seem to be so very often), it’s just creepy advertising. They also say Facebook can track your online activities outside Facebook (not joking, check this out here). Unplanned Pregnancy? is one advert that left me totally perplexed: what on earth can I have mentioned on my wall, notes or messages that could lead anyone – even a software – to believe I would need counselling for an unexpected pregnancy? Whatever I might be doing online I don’t think there is any risk of getting pregnant. This adds perfectly to the miserable portrait Facebook seems to be depicting of me (sigh!).

Unsolicited advice is never nice. Facebook says you can influence some of the ads you see, by updating the information used to personalise your ads, such as liking or removing pages or by removing things from your Facebook history that are no longer relevant for instance (all explained here). Too much work you say? Well, there are no ads on Google+…

It is called the Houdini Effect. I’d rather call it the bunny effect. Houdini was a man of rare exceptional abilities, there is nothing rare and exceptional with the disappearing art of men. They are just like bunnies; they come out of the hat and a moment later they disappear back into the double bottom.

Some men disappear gradually, some disappear abruptly, some disappear when dating, some other when the relationship is just getting good. The easy explanation to men disappearing on women has so far been that they were only interested in sex and would disappear right after reaching their goal. Nowadays however, a whole new level of disappearance has been reached: men disappear even before making any appearance at all – thus, even before sex. How? They just show their ears off the hat and then straight back into the double bottom. Flirting by text, chat or facebook is the ultimate dating dimension; there isn’t always a next level.

All disappearing acts have one thing in common: the bunch of bullshit men tell women before disappearing. Whether they were just dating or having a relationship, the man was surely making some kind of promise right before disappearing out of thin air. He would say something or act a way that makes her think something good is going to happen – might even be a simple I’ll call you tomorrow. Then nothing. It doesn’t just sound mean, it is mean. It takes the woman some time and a number of unreturned calls, texts and emails to figure out he has broken up with her. Naively a woman might even think that something bad has happened to him (we always do).

Disappearing on someone is definitely a coward break up method, girls do it too sometimes, but what is really inconceivable about men is why on earth they would spend such energy in lying to the woman before. Why say let’s meet again, I’ll take you to a wonderful date if you don’t intend to see her again? Why tell her that she is the woman of your life if you’re not that into her? Why lead her to believe the two of you have something special?

I can understand that the courtesy call could leave the woman upset; women don’t want to hear you say you are not attracted or not in love with them and it might be hard for you guys to put up with our frustration, but if you are not interested why pretend that you are? If you cared even for a moment, wouldn’t she deserve a break up talk rather than be left in a void open to too much speculation? Whatever your answer, you seem to be the kind to prefer your own convenience to considering the feelings of others. Too hard to bear, she might infuriate, so you avoid being honest and respectful. Well, vanishing is a lot more infuriating! Confrontation cannot harm you. We are all adults, if you are not in love we can handle it. If you are just not that into me, I don’t want you anyway. But I don’t read minds, you have to tell me. Are you not the one born with cojones ?

This blog is dedicated to my beloved single girl friends scattered around the world. Everywhere it is the same. Cheer up girls!
It is also dedicated to all of my non-single girl friends, despite the insolent bitch that I am, I know not all men are such a****les!