Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Chess Boxing Is Finally Here!

Well, what took so long? Every time I watch boxing, I always wonder "Why haven't they sprinkled any chess in here yet?" What can I say, Russia does it again.

Beautiful game too. Such a science. Do you try to concuss the guy so he can't tell the difference between a Knight and a Bishop? Or do you go for body shots so your opponent internally bleeds as he's trying to engage in highly strategic cognitive thought? I, like you, am just trying to piece this shit together.

Beginning of the match is super cordial. Just two fat guys engaging in a test of wit, thinking about hot wings.

You have to feel for the guys that have to move the chess board between matches. There's no doubt in my mind that if they drop this board, they're dead. It's Russia.

Both of these guys are fighting like they just got told to fight after initially being told they were playing chess with boxing gloves on.

Checkmate, bitches.

I came out of that with less understanding of the sport than I had 5 minutes ago. Do you try to win chess or boxing first? How long is each round? So many questions that I truly don't care about because I'm living in a world where chess boxing exists. For every act of racial, gender and societal oppression the world presents, we are sometimes gifted gems like this. Enjoy it, people.

If Mayweather-Pacquiao isn't like fought via chess boxing, we all failed as a civilization.