A life journey

#00165: Post a Day – 8

I never had to hustle to obtain anything in my life.
And now I’m surrounded by hustlers.

As a child, I witnessed many times the bargaining process, but I always thought it was time consuming and useless.
And so I grew to prefer fixed-price shops where there was no need to go back and forth until the price of a certain commodity is dropped.
My main reason for disliking the bargaining process, though, is feeling guilty.
The seller asked for 10. I offered 5. The seller dropped it to 8. I offered no more than 6 with the addition of whatever. We finally settle at 7.5 with the addition of so and so.
But the seller needs the money, doesn’t he?
I’m in possession of the requested amount. I need the product.
(I forgot what I wanted to say .. )

My point is: I feel guilty so easily.

Today, a young lady carrying a very cute baby walked in the cafe asking for money.
She was begging people for help, pleading with them for the sake of the baby, praying for them. I was on the phone with my wife. She approached me, begging and pleading.
I told her I was sorry, but I couldn’t help notice the baby’s beautiful eyes.
What’s his fault in all of this?
She walked away. Guilt took over. I ran out and handed her some money, as if it will make any difference. I’m only trying to shut up my guilt. It never works.

And the same thing happened yesterday. And the day before. And last week as well.
Wars in neighboring countries have forced people to come here, and now they’re begging on the street.

**********

Moe is an architect who can speak 3 languages fluently. He works as a cashier.
H is an engineer with a Masters in mathematics. He works as a taxi driver.
Yas graduated from a German medical school. It’s been a year and he’s still unemployed.
An un employed doctor.

I keep complaining about people here, calling them assholes and whatnot, but most of the time I contemplate their harsh (relative to my own soft, pampered) life.
It’s not their lack of driving skills, ignorance, rude behavior, or attempts to hustle me for me money whenever they can that annoys me about this place. Most of the time it’s the annoying guilt I cannot shake – guilt for not being able to help them all.
The guilt of helping none.
The guilt of being born against my will in a country that provided me with a comfortable life.
The guilt of being more financially stable than a lot of people.

Tomorrow I’ll wake up and go fill the car with gas. Did I work hard for the money I’ll be paying? No.
Did I work hard for the laptop I’m using to write this post? No.

Maybe the point of the post is to affirm the feeling you have, and put it out to the world so you can process it day by day. If feelings get stuffed down into the dark place, they keep growing in the dark. When they get brought out, you can keep them in check and say, “hey, I acknowledge I feel this way, but it is a feeling I get to control.” Guilt is a very difficult one to contend with – but paying it forward where you can in life, whether simple words, a smile, advice – maybe those happy moments can help keep guilt in check. It is a compassionate heart that hurts for others misfortune, but you have to try not to take on responsibility for their situation.

You’re right again, crazykatya. I’m used to “less harsh” environments where terms such as “struggle, harshness, ..etc” vastly differ from my current environment.
Always great to have you stop by 🙂 thank you

I think you’re touching on something there.. It’s hard to feel justified for many things in life, yet we innately justify ourselves all the same because we are inherently selfish and maybe modern conscience has picked on that. It’s hard to even formulate a comment for this . And for that , I’d say you are definitely writing about something .