So, as one of the Christmas gifts, CCP released the Ship Fitting Guide. That is where I should have stopped. But I could not.

I could not stop staring at this majestic ship. This beautiful celestial engine of destruction. This fit that, truly, could defeat all others. Why am I in Jita? Why is my wallet emptier? What do you mean, “I put the Guide in my hold”?

And there it was. My Raven was sat in Jita. Perhaps here, I should have stopped. I did not.

For you see, I went into Lowsec. To be precise, I went to Old Man Star – one of the major PvP hubs of lowsec. I entered Lowsec in Lonetrek to start, where nothing at all proceeded to fight me in an hour. I did, however, bring Retribution upon a Cyno Kestrel. Bored with Lonetrek, I made my way to Old Man Star.

Local was busy but contained a lack of Stuff to Shoot. I had no intention of going Suspect on a station or gate, and noone was willing to fight be despite my cries in local.

In despair at Not Being Killed on the station or gates, I warped to the first Asteroid Belt in Old Man Star, continuing to cry in local. I waited 15 minutes.

This was obviously the time the pirate gang needed to form to kill my super Raven. An Arazu warped in at 90km. He pointed me twice. I warped away. I warped back. A Vagabond awaits. He points me. I warp away. You have to work for the kill, gents.

This time I warp to Planet 3 – the only celestial in that direction. They’ll catch me, but I’m really bored at this point. A Drake lands first, so I begin the 45 second lock sequence to deliver pain and destruction.

The Drake locks me down. The Arazu appears. So does a Rapier. Then a Stabber Fleet Issue and a Manticore.