Friday, April 01, 2005

Fathers Rights Protesters Stage Protest In Game World Of Warcraft

Fathers' Rights Activists Dress As Trolls And Protest In Online Role Playing Game

April 1, 2005

Nine members of the fathers' rights group Fathers Are Relevant Too (FART) staged a protest today in the online role-playing game World of Warcraft. Dressed as Trolls and the Undead, they staged a sit-in at the Crazy Cat Lady's home east of Stormwind in Elwynn Forest. An Undead activist with the screen name Beatdead Zombie Dad lamented the orphaned cats that roamed around the Crazy Cat Lady's cottage.

"Those poor cats have been left fatherless," he said. "Studies show that 75% of fatherless cats suffer serious social problems such as pooping on the carpet, peeing in the sink, and barfing furballs in your Frostsaber Boots. We are here in support of giving fatherless cats their fathers so that they have a better chance of growing up in a good home... dammit! Cat just pissed on me!!"

When asked if he had planned to adopt any of the cats, he replied he cannot due to allergies.

"I have no idea who these people are," said the Crazy Cat Lady. "They've been sitting on my lawn since 5 a. m. this morning, eating my gruel and drinking my ale, and they are scaring the cats. They are freeloaders. See the three in that corner? They don't know they're sitting where players stable their horses when they come into my cottage to purchase a cat. There is horse shit all over the place over there. If they want to sit in it, who am I to stop them?"

Some of the activists are playing today with their own children in honor of their protest.

"My son is a level 50 Mage, and he has agreed to play WOW today with me to support the fathers' rights cause," said AngryShortDude, a level 40 Troll. "My ex-wife doesn't like him to play this game. I believe that it is my duty to allow my son to play this game with me in a show of solidarity for fathers everywhere.

AngryShortDude's ex-wife had no idea what he was talking about. "I bought that account for our son. He's not supposed to be playing this weekend because he got a D on his English exam. His father knows this. He's ignoring my parental authority. And yes, he's angry and he's short."

When asked for his opinion of the protest, AngryShortDude's son said, "Help! I'm stuck in a hive in Silithus and I can't get out!! I've been here for an hour! Send help!"

The protest is slated to go on all day, either until dinnertime, or until someone bothers to notice what they are doing. Most of the game players who walked by ignored them. The protesters have not been asked to join in any quests because, as one level 50 Night Elf Priestess said, "They're a real downer. All they whine about is the child support they have to pay their ex-wives. They're putting a real damper on my game playing. I don't play to listen to annoying jerks. I'm here to have fun. Let them sit there in the horse shit all day, as long as they leave me alone."

Players who were curious asked for an age/sex check, but then quickly flew away on Gryphons. They couldn't get away fast enough.