Drink some of the moomoo milk it'll satiate your thirst and a bit of the hunger for the moment.

Let's go for slitting it's throat or stabbing it, We need a shelter to rest in so we shouldn't start a fire in the building next to it filled with highly flammable dry hay.

Or option three Go back to the house use the spatchery to make some food and go to sleep without taking on the Taurus I mean it hasn't seen us yet it's asleep and let's say the farmer is alive they might not be happy with us killing their Taurus and burning his farm.

> Make a fireplace around the Tauros. Then pour Vesta out over it! Proceed to jump around it manically while chanting and praying to your god. There is nothing to worry about. Of course the Tauros is not going to wake up before Vesta is finished with it, and if any of the Miltank come in Tabiti will protect you because of your devotion.
Or you could do the other thing and kill it with your Hideously Dangerous Stabby Thing, just a quick stroke to the throat. After all even the Eldritch pokemon need oxygen. Right? Then proceed to take out its meat and you can have a feast tonight. After that you go steal the treasure.
>Drink some of the moomoo milk it'll satiate your thirst and a bit of the hunger for the moment.
Let's go for slitting it's throat or stabbing it, We need a shelter to rest in so we shouldn't start a fire in the building next to it filled with highly flammable dry hay.
Or option three Go back to the house use the spatchery to make some food and go to sleep without taking on the Taurus I mean it hasn't seen us yet it's asleep and let's say the farmer is alive they might not be happy with us killing their Taurus and burning his farm.

You're not hungry – you had Delicious Meat Bits not so long ago – but boy, are you thirsty. You're not even sure you've drunk anything since you started this whole mess. You pop the lid of a bottle and down the whole lot.

And man, do you feel good. MooMoo Milk makes you healthy – gives you energy – puts a zip in your step. You not only no longer feel tired, you feel like you don't need to sleep again. Ever. The world actually seems a bit brighter around you – and hey, have your hands always been that shaky? Shaky shaky shaky. Shaky.

Hooo.

What was it they always said about MooMoo Milk? Never drink more than half a bottle at a time? You can't think why. You feel fantastic. Right now, you could probably break that Tauros' neck with your bare hands. Milk makes you strong – gives you energy – a zip in your step—

Hey, what's that thing you're holding? A fiery stick? Man, what would you be using that for? You've got eyes like a goddamn hawk. Milk makes you healthy, right? That includes your eyes. Don't need that crap now – chuck it away. Yeah, just like that.

She's getting smarter, you think happily. As time goes on, she keeps developing, getting brighter and better at talking. Man, she is going to make a fine Pokémon one day.

Right. Time to take on that Tauros. Hideously Dangerous Stabby Thing in one hand, Vesta in the other. There's even music – you think. You couldn't hear it before, but milk makes you healthy – gives you energy – peps up your ears so they can hear all sorts of things—

Dadadumdumdaduh dadadumdumdaduh...

Sounds like 'Battle Without Honour or Humanity'.

You kick open the door to the byre with an almighty crash, and the Tauros bolts to its feet in an instant; you see its swollen eyes heaving in panic, staring at you – a sword-wielding silhouette against a backdrop of green fire – and the next moment it's bellowing as loudly as it can, moaning in terror and stamping its great steely hooves on the floor, lowering its head—

sssureyoucertainssureyouknowdoingyouyoucertain? asks Vesta.

“Watch and learn, baby, watch and learn,” you say, a confident grin spreading across your face. You swish your Hideously Dangerous Stabby Thing around a bit; the end looks so nice, with that crystalline drop of venom on it. So pretty... You're going to kill this thing so dead with that. Milk makes you healthy – makes you strong, strong like a bull – strong enough to kill a bull.

The Tauros charges.

Its metallic hooves strike sparks from the floor, mixing with the flames; you hold your weapon out straight, aiming for the woolly cranium heading straight for you—

Wham.

It looks fluffier than it feels, you think absently as you sail through the air, through the burning wreckage of the kitchen and out the window.

Then you hit the ground and you feel the broken bones.

Othodox is Massively Wounded!

It's OK, though, because milk makes you healthy – gives you energy – puts a zip in your step, even with broken bones. You can't stay broken if you're full of MooMoo Milk.

Othodox is Severely Wounded!

The Tauros thunders past, its tails on fire; you can't see where it's going because the fracture in your spine stops you moving your head, but it sounds like it's heading across the fields.

Othodox is Majorly Wounded!

You're not worried. MooMoo Milk, man. It's healthy stuff.

Othodox is Quite Badly Wounded!

There's a reason farming Miltank is such good business, you know.

Othodox is A Bit Wounded!

Their milk works biological wonders on pretty much all mammals.

Othodox is Slightly Wounded!

Shards of glass pop out of your skin and skitter across the dirt.

Othodox is Mostly Fine.

You sit up and crack your neck. Ah, that feels better—

Holy crap did you just do what you think you just did?

OK, the milk's worn off.

Jeez. You faced down a Tauros with a Beedrill stinger. You have a look at it – yep, still in your hand, and still intact – which means it never even came into contact with the damn bull.

Christ. You're lucky that MooMoo Milk heals you as well as makes you completely insane.

sss, hisses Vesta. You dropped her on impact, but her jar is, miraculously, unbroken. guesssstrongyoutougherbreakbreakthoughtwouldbreak...

“Yeah, well, I got lucky,” you mutter embarrassedly, picking her up and surveying the flaming farmhouse with something less than satisfaction.

OK. Maybe in future you'll save the psychotropic superpower milk for something else. You have two bottles of it left.

Also, maybe in future you'll stick to the recommended dosage. That way, you might get the healing effect without, y'know, the whole drugged-out-of-your-skull thing.

Let's get out of here honestly we got lucky once let's move on to Olivine Before that fire spreads or the thing that easily launched us through a window comes back, also if theirs a label on the moo moo milk read it for proper dosage, that stuffs kinda awesome if it didn't make you a raving lunatic.

> Initiate dialogue tree with Vesta, and teach her how redundancy works

“Vesta,” you say. “Listen. You don't need to repeat words more than once for me to understand what you mean.”

words?

Oh boy. This is going to be tougher than you thought.

“Those... things you use to talk with. Those are words.”

words? wordsswords... wordsss.

“Yeah. Those.” You pause to gather your thoughts. “OK. Let's say I want to say what you were saying earlier - 'I thought you would break'. You only need to say each word once in order for me to understand. If I say 'Burn the wood', what do I mean?”

burnwoodburnburncrackleeatburn, she burbles.

“Uh... yeah. But did you notice how I only had to say each word one time for you to understand that?”

Vesta is silent. A spark pops loudly at her edges.

wood, she says slowly. wood... is... burned.

“That's right,” you reply, suddenly burning with incredible pride. This must be how parents feel when their babies manage their first coherent words. “You don't need to repeat it. Listen to how I speak.”

listen... you... speak, she says. vesta listen you speak.

“Yeah!” you cry, ecstatic. “That's it! That's really good!”

vesta good? she queries.

“Yeah,” you say, hugging her jar tight and feeling the warmth through the glass. “Vesta really, really good.”

You stay like that for a while before you realise that you're crying.

> Let's get out of here honestly we got lucky once let's move on to Olivine Before that fire spreads or the thing that easily launched us through a window comes back, also if theirs a label on the moo moo milk read it for proper dosage, that stuffs kinda awesome if it didn't make you a raving lunatic.

The voices are right: it's time to move on. You were hoping maybe you could stay here, but the MooMoo Farm is on fire and you know from experience that these flames spread faster than the proverbial. And... well. You didn't really want to consider this, but, you know, now that you're out of Ecruteak and the protective influence of the Gengar, you've got the Eldritch Quilava to think about.

It's pursued you so far with the implacable determination of a Terminator. You don't know how it's tracking you – except maybe by the trail of fire you've left across Johto – but you're willing to bet it can find you, even here.

Time to get serious again. You're alone again, and though you have Vesta and the Hideously Dangerous Stabby Thing, you're going to have to get a hell of a lot better at using both if you're ever to have a hope in hell of surviving this without Falkner swooping in to save you, or the Gengar descending from the heavens.

Half-heartedly, you check the Bad Egg, but nothing seems to have changed there.

The Egg Watch: It looks like this Egg will take a long time to hatch.

On the plus side, that MooMoo Milk has left you feeling pretty refreshed. It seems to have contained the liquid equivalent of several hours' sleep, in addition to all that other crazy stuff, and you're pretty sure you'll be able to make it to Olivine just fine.

That reminds you – is there a label to advise you about the correct dosage? You check by the flickering light of Vesta, but it doesn't look like there is one – which isn't a great surprise, really, given that this milk was doubtless for the farm family's own consumption, and they wouldn't have needed it.

Speaking of Vesta, she's looking a little hungry, so you snap a plank into bits and drop the splinters in her jar; that done, you set off down the road south to Olivine.

Route 39 is dark and silent. There appears to be little life here, even allowing for the way Eldritch Pokémon seem to remain out of sight until the last possible moment – and that's not all. It's hard to be certain about it, given the lack of light, but it seems to you that the actual geography of this route has changed. There used to be hills to the west, you remember, but now there seem to be hills on top of those hills, and strange hummocks in the field by the roadside where there were none before. For a while, you put it down to tricks of the shadows – but when you stumble over a mound of torn-up dirt and stone in the middle of the path itself, all doubt is dispelled.

You walk carefully around the mound, trying to get a sense of its size. From what you can see, it's about fifty feet in diameter, and fifteen high at its peak; it's roughly conical, but the top looks oddly flat.

careful, whispers Vesta in her crackling voices. earth bad here...

“The earth is bad?” you ask curiously. “What do you mean?”

bad earth, she says again, evidently unable to articulate it any more precisely than that.

Right. That sounds pretty ominous.

You take a few cautious steps onto the mound itself, but nothing untoward seems to happen; emboldened, you climb it to its peak, and discover the yawning pit in its centre by the simple expedient of almost falling into it.

Whoa. OK. So this thing is... a tunnel? Something dug this out, you're sure. But judging by the size of this pit, and by the knolls and mounds you thought you saw earlier, that something must be roughly the size of a house – and that doesn't match what you remember of any of the Pokémon found around these parts.

You could, of course, investigate this tunnel further. I mean, who knows where it might lead?

Though that might be a bad idea. Actually, it probably would be a bad idea, but then again, so is going on to Olivine, where you'll be close to the sea and presumably to whatever those horrific monsters you saw in Morty's dream were.

Huh. It shouldn't surprise you by now to learn that all your choices lead to horror and madness, but somehow it does.

After reading severals storys and seeing many images of what's imagined as Digglet's legs I can rightly say that idea of what ever is down this pit is horrifying, but I want to have my crazy bad for Othodox post so I say let's check out the Pit.

Check the radar. Also check how much battery is left on it. If there are any pokemon that might live in such a pit in the near vicinity do not go down. If there are none you might as well check it out. Just make sure you always can go back to the start.

You spit in the pit and hear nothing. Does that mean the pit's unfathomably deep, or that your spit isn't loud enough? To settle the matter, you try again with a rock, and hear the dull sound of an impact on earth a second or two later. With relief, you note the rock isn't as deep as it seems – and then you hear it roll, down, down, down to untold depths, the sound fading until you can hear nothing except the soft slither of shifting soil, and then not even that.

The pit may not descend very far straight down, but its lower reaches slope away to unknown depths.

> After reading severals storys and seeing many images of what's imagined as Digglet's legs I can rightly say that idea of what ever is down this pit is horrifying, but I want to have my crazy bad for Othodox post so I say let's check out the Pit.

However, those unknown depths will not hold you back! Time to jump into the unknown!

> I'm not exactly fond of the word 'Abyssal'. Or the idea of the Eldritch Ground-type that probably dug it up. My vote is to head straight to Olivine.

... or, y'know, maybe not. You're not sure how you could get out of this pit if you went into it, for a start. And you're not too keen on the idea that, since something dug it, and presumably also made the other mounds all over this area, that something may be worming its way through the tunnels it leads into right now.

And you really don't like the fact that, in order to make such an impact on the landscape, that something must be enormous.

> Check the radar. Also check how much battery is left on it. If there are any pokemon that might live in such a pit in the near vicinity do not go down. If there are none you might as well check it out. Just make sure you always can go back to the start.

You thumb the button for the Radar Mode, and the little radar icon swirls around the screen, then is replaced by text. Scrambled text, as it has been since the scanner got damaged and the Pokédex overheated, but the numbers still work.

All right, then. Doesn't tell you much – but you know from experience that there are no Diglett or suchlike in this area. What made the hole is a mystery to you.

Since you probably can't get out of the pit if you go in, you elect to not plumb its depths, and continue south to Olivine. There is not much further to go, and by about four o'clock in the morning you're standing on the northern edge of the city.

To the west is the Pokémon Gym, and the road leading south towards the main street.

To the east are two houses atop a small hill.

To the south is a house.

There is scattered bunting here.

NOTE: There will be no updates to this story for the next three or four days. I will not be available to work on it.

The possibility that these mounds are actually enormous Pokemon buried in the ground is terrifying. Id say head to Olivine as quickly but cautiously as possible. However, be sure to keep Vesta involved with whats happening. Shes a smart little girl and is probably even more helpful than she seems. Say a quick prayer to Tabiti for safe passage and head to Olivine. (On a side note, I am absolutely adoring the R'lyehian and all the other Cthulu and Lovecraft references. I happen to also own the complete works book you mentioned previously. Also, all the little miniepisodes with Vesta are incredibly touching.)

Note: 'Dag*n' should read 'Dagon', but the censor won't let me write it out fully unless I italicise it like this. My apologies.

> Head to the house to the south and bunk there till the morning
> The possibility that these mounds are actually enormous Pokemon buried in the ground is terrifying. Id say head to Olivine as quickly but cautiously as possible. However, be sure to keep Vesta involved with whats happening. Shes a smart little girl and is probably even more helpful than she seems. Say a quick prayer to Tabiti for safe passage and head to Olivine. (On a side note, I am absolutely adoring the R'lyehian and all the other Cthulu and Lovecraft references. I happen to also own the complete works book you mentioned previously. Also, all the little miniepisodes with Vesta are incredibly touching.)

You utter a quick prayer to Tabiti for safe passage, something that might have had more effect had you done it when you first set out on this journey rather than when you were twenty feet from your destination, and head to the house to the south. There's little of note inside – you think. It's a bit too dark to be sure.

Settling down on a comfortable old sofa, you consider sleeping until dawn – but that's only two or three hours away, and you're still buzzing from the milk. You could probably climb a mountain right now, but sleep is definitely off the agenda.

bad earth, says Vesta again, abruptly. earth bad here.

You stare at her for a moment, surprised.

“You said that before,” you reply. “Were you talking about that pit? Or something in the pit?”

in earth, she hisses. bad in earth.

“Something bad underground? So not the earth itself?”

Vesta has to pause at that, trying to unravel your sentence. You give her all the time she needs. You're in no hurry, after all, and even slow conversation is better than all that 'deadflesshbonemeatburn' stuff. It sounded, you think, feeling clever, like something e.e. cummings might have written while drunk. There are only two problems with this exceptionally erudite witticism. One is that there's no one around to appreciate it. The other is that it's wrong.

bad thing in earth not itself, she says effortfully. crushcrushmanglemunch...

“Will try,” you correct. “Will try, because it will happen in the future.”

vesta... will try harder.

“That's right.”

will try...

She lapses into silence then, occasionally muttering 'will try' to herself in her strange, crackling voice. It doesn't seem like you're going to get much more conversation out of her, but that's all right as just then the milk wears off and sleep hits you like a black velvet brick.

--

You are sinking once more into the abyssal depths of the sunless ocean, past the light, past the monstrous fish, past a lone, sad-eyed whale and a fat, spiny squid – past the indefinable point where the water shifts from blue to black, and past the topmost towers of that blasphemous city...

You want to wake up, but you aren't sure how. You reach out, trying to feel the arm of the sofa that you know is next to you, but your fingers brush fruitlessly through saltwater.

It's as if you really are stuck at the bottom of the sea.

There are voices beneath you, but you don't look down. You haven't lost that much control, not yet. Still, you want to hear what they're saying; the voices are tantalisingly faint, and there's a certain strange quality to them, a kind of gurgling croakiness, that rings faint alarm bells in the back of your head.

“Iä!”

You're not sure if it's just a bark or if it's actually a word; it sounds like it might be, but it seems equally like some kind of wild animal cry.

“Iä! Dag*n!”

No. Definitely words, though the voice cannot be that of any human.

“Iä! Dag*n! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!”

Your eyes are sliding downwards of their own accord, over precipitously-tilting rooftops and hideously twisted crenellations, and despite everything you do you cannot hold them back, and now your gaze sinks past the hieroglyphed walls, and down into those awful streets, and along into a spreading square where unnatural creatures cavort and chant, flinging webbed arms wide and yelling aloud with croaking voices:

“Iä! Hydra! Iä! Dag*n!”

A sudden panic seizes you, and you try to swim away, kicking at the water, but nothing happens; the current holds you still, and as you thrash and scream and wail still you keep on sinking, and the ghastly piscine figures beneath you throw their heads back and shriek through needle-like teeth:

“Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Rl'yeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!”

And as if in answer, some awful noise reverberates through the water, a noise like a mountain tearing up its roots, and as the sea boils around you with the vibration passing through it you feel your bones shake loose from your body and go spinning away in shards and fragments all around you—

---

You start awake and fall off the sofa, right into the middle of a patch of mid-morning sunlight. Vesta's jar rolls across the floor towards you from where you dropped it, bumps into your cheek and burns it badly.

You get up and rub your cheek. It's nothing major, but it's going to sting for a while.

Right. New dawn, new day. What's it to be now?

Note:You have that book too, c1234321? It's lovely, isn't it? Such shiny pages, and so beautifully bound... I think I'm justified in calling it a miracle of the book-maker's art. I do love me some Lovecraft, as is patently obvious given the Lovecraft/Pokémon crossover nature of this work.

(yessss its so beautiful and shiny i love it) Get to Olivine and explore the houses. See if there might be anything useful. If not, go to the gym and see if Jasmine is there. Try to stay away from the Lighthouse. And Eldritch Ampharos would be terrifyingly dangerous.

The gym does sound like a good idea as long as you're quiet. Have Vesta ready just in case; everyone knows Steelix hate fire.

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> Head to the gym I just didn't think we should check it out at night. Also before you leave ask Vesta to be quiet than put your ear to the ground it's probably Jasmine's Steelix tunneling down there.

“Vesta, please be quiet,” you say. “We've got some sneaking to do.”

sneaking... she mulls the concept over for a while, then falls silent. This may indicate assent, but it might equally indicate confusion. It's more convenient for you to assume the former, so you do.

Another assumption you make is that the tunnels are due to Jasmine's Steelix. You recall it used to be about fifty feet long, and weighed about forty-five tonnes. Given the way Eldritch Pokémon expand in size, it's now probably the largest living creature in Johto, and possibly the world.

You put your ear to the ground, and mercifully hear nothing.

> Go to the gym. But keep quiet. Keep absolutely still and put your ear to the gym door. You don't want an Elryich Steelix to attack you.

You attempt to go to the Gym while remaining absolutely still, but this doesn't get you very far. In fact, it doesn't get you anywhere at all.

On the positive side, you remain unattacked by any form of Steelix, Eldritch or otherwise.

> The gym does sound like a good idea as long as you're quiet. Have Vesta ready just in case; everyone knows Steelix hate fire.

Vesta's always ready. It's just a question of whether one small fire the size of your fist is even going to be noticed by something that's probably large enough to view Luxembourg as a light lunch.

> (yessss its so beautiful and shiny i love it) Get to Olivine and explore the houses. See if there might be anything useful. If not, go to the gym and see if Jasmine is there. Try to stay away from the Lighthouse. And Eldritch Ampharos would be terrifyingly dangerous.

You abandon the keeping-perfectly-still-while-still-somehow-moving plan as impractical and settle for walking quietly instead, heading to the Gym by way of the two houses on the hill. Upon opening the door to one of them, you find the inside completely full of dirt; it seems that one of the mounds that may or may not have been caused by the Steelix has erupted inside it. However, the other is as miraculously untouched as the other buildings in Johto, and you have a look around for useful stuff.

Othodox found one Hambone! Othodox put the Hambone—

Before you can quite reach the Bag, a small hole opens up in the fabric of the universe and transports the Hambone back in time to the night you camped in Cherrygrove. This happens for no reason other than that the Narrator has just realised that you have so far used two Hambones in the course of this adventure, despite only having picked up one.

With continuity re-established, you resume your search of the house.

Othodox found one Tin of Sardines! Othodox put the Tin of Sardines in the Fish & Seafood Pocket.

Othodox found one Box of .44 Magnum Cartridges! Othodox put the Box of .44 Magnum Cartridges in the Ammo Pocket.

Damn it, why does the Narrator keep giving you ammunition and not guns? Is he just taunting you or— oh, wait, this is the Narrator you're talking about. Yeah, he's almost definitely just taunting you.

That seems to be about it for the house, so you turn around and head west to the Gym. Remembering your earlier plan of listening at the door, you put one ear to the wood to see if you can hear anything from within; nothing, however, comes to your ears.

Hm. No Jasmine? Fair enough. She was kind of weedy for a Gym Leader, you recall – young, thin and lacking in self-confidence. You can't imagine her tackling her Pokémon to the ground and beating them up Falkner-style – even if they weren't made mostly of metal, she doesn't have the temperament for it.

You open the door and head in cautiously. The Gym is empty; as with most buildings these days, there's no clue as to what happened to the people here.

Examine the eel, check the storage closets, carefully, and proceed further in to the gym while remaining really light on your toes. No sense trying to wake an Eldritch Steelix or making it aware of your presence.

> Use Vesta to cook Eel. No use letting good food go to waste!
> Ahem, anyway, before you do decide to cook the eel, see if it's still okay to eat. Its texture, its smell. Yeah... I never had an eel before, so uh, never mind~
> Check the storage locker, and Eel? See if it has an egg pouch for Spatchery Ammo later and see what the Gym Floor Looks like

It's a perfectly normal European eel (Anguilla anguilla), if a little large – this one is about a metre long, and that's a pretty impressive size for one of those. It should be edible, although simply charring it with Vesta probably wouldn't be the most delicious method of cooking it. You have no idea if it's male or female; recalling that Sigmund Freud dissected hundreds of the damn things and never found their gonads, you admit to yourself that you probably stand very little chance of actually finding any eggs in it, even if there are some inside it somewhere.

You are beginning to realise that you know rather more about fish than you previously thought.

Eggs aren't necessary for the Spratchery, anyway; if you chopped up the eel and stuffed it into one of the cylinders in the drum, you could use that to create a large number of sprats. Although why you'd want to eat sprats when you have an eel is beyond you. Perhaps converting it into sprats would make you feel less guilty. The European eel is critically endangered, after all.

You shrug. It wasn't you who killed the eel, so you might as well make the most of it by eating it; you wrap the eel around Vesta's jar and hear it begin to sizzle almost immediately.

That done, you investigate the floor for signs of Steelix activity – but it looks the same as ever. If the Steelix has come in here, then it brought a team of builders with it to fix the damage.

> Investigate the eel, then proceed with ordinary looting procedures.
> Check the storage lockers and then try to cook the eel.

LOOTING PROTOCOLS ENGAGED GO GO GO

Leaving the jar and the eel, you move off to investigate the lockers, and find them pleasantly well-stocked with trash.

Othodox found one Olivine Gym Key! Othodox put the Olivine Gym Key in the Key Pocket.

Othodox found one Bottle of Dr. Pepper! Othodox put the Bottle of Dr. Pepper in the Things That Barely Count as Potable Pocket.

Othodox found one Towel! Othodox put the Towel in the Hitchhiking Essentials Pocket.

> Examine the eel, check the storage closets, carefully, and proceed further in to the gym while remaining really light on your toes. No sense trying to wake an Eldritch Steelix or making it aware of your presence.

You tiptoe further into the Gym, wary of the Steelix perhaps sensing the vibrations of your footsteps. Although, thinking about it, you're not sure you're big enough to register as a meal for a Steelix, anyway. It must be mostly eating Eldritch Miltank and other enormous creatures.

Hang on. Don't Steelix eat stone?

You're no longer certain. But it would be wise, you decide, not to put it to the test. Thus, you continue to tiptoe forth.

If the worst comes to the worst and the Steelix tries to eat you, you console yourself, at least you know where your Towel is.

You are distracted from the latest in the string of pointless references you've been making over the last few days by a cardboard box behind the Leader's podium. On investigation, it turns out to be full of TMs. You help yourself to a few of them, on the off chance that you ever actually get yourself a Pokémon.

Othodox found some TM23 Iron Tails! Othodox put the TM23 Iron Tails in the TMs and HMs Pocket.

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