The Third Month

Persuasion

Zane has a growing repertoire of expressions that more or less appear quite randomly, as though he’s still experimenting with his facial muscles, but he has developed one particular look that has clear intent. It’s a hungry, determined look that says: “Give me milk now.” It is so effective that Jas drops whatever she is doing, and immediately feeds him without ado. He can’t even talk yet, but already he can convince someone to give him what he wants with ease! It’s a skill worth cultivating for when he is older...

Pudgy

Zane has been packing on the weight, which is a good thing for a baby. But he’s recently developed a double chin. Is that normal? He has pudgy little legs, the belly of a pregnant frog, and cheeks that look as though he’s got a mouthful of grapes, but I consider this part of babyhood. A double chin though? I wonder if I need to call the baby division of Weight Watchers.

My fitness has all but evaporated with fatherhood. No more gym visits or bursts of cycling in the evening. I try to fit in exercise where I can. I climb the stairs at work rather than getting the lift. I walk to a more distant train station than I need to. I recently had a bright idea as I lifted Zane out of his cot as I noted his ever increasing weight: Conan the Barbarian got his physique by carrying a cow up a hill, starting when it was a newborn calf and sticking to this exercise regime until the calf was a fully grown bull, resulting in an epic physique. Perhaps I can bench press Zane as he grows or sling him over my shoulder and trot up the nearest hill. Zane might be somewhat disagreeable to this as he gets older, though...

Pants

Jas called me at work.
Jas: “Zane just did a massive poo! The biggest one he has ever done. It went everywhere!”
Me: “Oh, it’s a shame I am at work and not able to fully appreciate it.”
Jas: “Oh, don’t worry about that, I took photos of it!”
Marvellous.

Zane likes being changed these days. He hated it when he was younger, but now seems to calmly enjoy the expectation of being inserted into a new little outfit. Perhaps he is just happy to have his pants off! On one occasion though I changed him, and then he bawled and bawled. He was clean, he’d been fed, yet he was intensely upset. I did a quick check of his clothes: I’d put his top on back to front! As soon as I corrected my seemingly innocuous error, he was happy. He is quickly creating strong preferences about what he wears and how he wears his clothes.

Raising a baby is like being close to nature. They are a fresh new being, unsullied by anything man-made, unaffected by modern human society. They just act on impulse, according to their primeval needs. They moan when they’re hungry. They cry when they’re uncomfortable. They jump when they’re startled. They sleep when they’re tired. They laugh when you humour them. Nothing in the past, the future, or even out of their sight matters to them. They don’t care what others think of them. They have no needless desires. Nothing is premeditated, political or planned.

Or so I thought. Zane wants a motorbike already. When he lies on his back, he looks at us, and then lifts his arms as though he is gripping a pair of Harley Davidson handlebars. He looks at his hands, checking them out, discovering that he has little fingers that would look great wrapped around the throttle of a two-wheeled motor. He even lifts his legs ready to sit astride a bike seat; you could just pick him up and plonk him on a motorbike without having to rearrange his little limbs. I think he should stop watching Top Gear.

The Funniest Thing Yet

One day I read that at about two months, babies should be able to lay on their front and start to lift their head up. “Oops”, I thought: we’d never actually put Zane on his front! I worried that we were depriving Zane of some essential skill development. Well, no time like the present: I took him out of his bouncer – which he loves – and plonked him face down on the floor, and waited expectantly for some action. Any action. He just laid there, starfish-like, face into the floor, unmoving, looking like a baby superman had just fallen out of the sky. He had no idea what to make of it; he just lay there waiting for us to move him again. It was a hilarious sight – we were in stitches...until he bawled.

The Second Funniest Thing Yet

Zane is becoming more sensitive to his surroundings. He turns looks in the direction of new sounds or a moving object. But he’s started to be startled easily when a loud noise or a sudden movement catches him by surprise. One such occasion was when he lay awake in his cot and Jas suddenly rushed into the room to and – quite loudly - said something. His entire body reacted in shock: his little legs and arms simultaneously shot bolt upright in the air, as someone would if they’d received defibrulator treatment for cardiac arrest. Now it’s not funny to scare a baby, but Zane’s response was priceless. It took us a while to control our laughter.