It was homecoming night at my high school
Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans
'Cause my best friend Debbie was homecoming queen

She looked so pretty in pink chiffon, (chiffon)
Riding the float with her tiara on (tiara on)
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand (bouquet)
She looked straight out of Disneyland

You know, like the Cinderella ride, I mean definitely an E-ticket (E-ticket)
The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked, was stoked
I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something
The band was playing Evergreen
And all of a sudden somebody screamed

Debbie's smiling and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh Buffie's pompom just blew to bits
Oh no, Mitzie's head just did the splits
God, my best friend's on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me
How could you do what you just did?
Are you having a really bad period?

Stop Debbie, you're making a mess
Powder burns all over your dress

An hour later the cops arrived
By then the entire glee club had died
No big loss
You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop her
Tear gas, machine guns, even a chopper
"Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of the float"
Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said
She aimed and fired and now the math teacher's dead
Oh it's really sad but kind of a relief
I mean, we had this big test coming up next week

Debbie's really having a blast
She's wasting half of the class

The cops fired a warning shot that blew her off the float
I tried to scream "duck" but it stuck in my throat
She hit the ground and did a flip, it was real acrobatic
But I was crying so hard I couldn't work my Instamatic
I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out
What made her do it, why'd she freak out?
I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear
I knew then the end was near

So I ran down and I said (in her good ear), "Debbie, why'd you do it?" She raised her head, smiled, and said "I - I did it for Johnny." Johnny? Well like who's Johnny? Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Does anybody here know Johnny? Are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny but he was a total geek, he always had food in his braces. Answer me, Debbie, who's Johnny? Oh God this is like that movie Citizen Kane you know where you later find out Rosebud was a sled? But we'll never know who Johnny was because like, she's dead.

Until this week cellists worldwide had reason to fear a terrible malady. Worse than fiddler's neck, flautist's chin or even the dreaded guitarist's nipple was the condition known as "cello scrotum".

Never mind that this dermatalogical ailment seemed unlikely, given the posture of the average male cellist, the condition was named in the British Medical Journal, and thereafter in an array of reviews of musician's aches and pains.

Nearly all such reviews referred to a letter to the journal in 1974 from John Murphy, husband of Dr Elaine Murphy, who noted that he had once come across a case of cello scrotum.

...

In a letter to the BMJ, prompted by yet another reference to the ailment in the journal last month, the couple wrote: "Perhaps after 34 years it's time for us to confess that we invented cello scrotum."

Their letter of 1974 was in response to a missive from a Dr Curtis regarding a skin irritation that he had seen among classical guitarists. After many hours with the instrument pressed against their chests, the musicians had developed guitarist's nipple.

"We thought it highly likely to be a spoof and decided to go one further by submitting a letter pretending to have noted a similar phenomenon in cellists, signed by the non-doctor one of us," the couple wrote. "Somewhat to our astonishment, the letter was published."

...

Noel Bradshaw, 52, a cellist with the London Symphony Orchestra, said that he had never felt inclined to worry about developing cello scrotum.

"You would have to be doing something fairly extreme to get that by playing the cello," he said.

He suggested that any such performance would not be tolerated in polite society. "Otherwise, given the angle of the cello, you would have to have pretty enormous bollocks," he said.

I'm mad...and that's a fact
I found out...animals don't help
Animal think...they're pretty smart
Shit on the ground...see in the dark.

They wander around like a crazy dog
Make a mistake in the parking lot
Always bumping into things
Always let you down down down down.

They're never there when you need them
They never come when you call them
They're never there when you need them
They never come when you call them down down down down.

I know the animals...are laughing at us
They don't even know...what a joke is
I won't follow...animals' advice
I don't care...if they're laughing at us.

They're never there when you need them
They never come when you call them
They're never there when you need them
They never come when you call them down down down down.

They say they don't need money
They're living on nuts and berries
They say animals don't worry
You know animals are hairy?
They think they know what's best
They're making a fool of us
They ought to be more careful
They're setting a bad example
They have untroubled lives
They think everything's nice
They like to laugh at people
They're setting a bad example
(go ahead) laugh at me.

The main attraction: distraction
Got you number than number than numb.
Empty your pockets, son. they got you thinkin' that
What you need is what they sellin'
Make you think that buyin' is rebellin'
From the theaters to malls on every shore
The thin line between entertainment and war
The front line is everywhere there'll be no shelter here.

Still burn the nightmare works you pushin' for,
I'm a snap of the whip, the true feather to tar
Memroy erased and promise gone,
Tradin' your history for a V.C.R.
Cinema simulated life in trauma
Forthright culture, Americana
Chained to the dream they got you searchin' for
The thin line between entertainment and war.

There'll be no shelter here,
The front line is everywhere.

Hospitals not profitful
The market bulls got pockets full
To advertise some hip disguise
View the world from American eyes
The parmagon keep fiendin' for more
The thin line between entertainment and war
Fix the need, develop the taste,
Buy the products, or get laid to waste.
Coca-cola was back in the veins of Saigon
And Rambo troops. We got a dope pair 'a Nikes on.
Godzilla: pure motherfuckin' filler.
Get your eyes on the real killer.

Cinema simulated life in trauma
Forthright culture, Americana
Chained to the dream they got you searchin' for,
The thin line between entertainment and war.

There'll be no shelter here,
The front line is everywhere.

Americanize, American eyes,
View the world from American eyes,
Bury the past, rob us blind,
leave nothing behind.

Here comes Johnny Yen again
With the liquor and drugs
And the flesh machine
He's gonna do another strip tease.
Hey man, where'd ya get that lotion?
I've been hurting since I bought the gimmick
About something called love
Yeah, something called love.
Well, thats like hypnotizing chickens.

Well, I'm just a modern guy
Of course, I've had it in the ear before.
I have a lust for life
'cause of a lust for life.

I'm worth a million in prizes
With my torture film
Drive a GTO
Wear a uniform
All on a government loan.
I'm worth a million in prizes
Yeah, I'm through with sleeping on the sidewalk
No more beating my brains
No more beating my brains
With liquor and drugs
With liquor and drugs.

Beginning this week, three of the four major music labels -- Sony Music Entertainment, Universal Music Group and Warner Music Group -- will begin selling music through iTunes without digital rights management software, or DRM, which controls the copying and use of digital files. The fourth, EMI, is already doing so.

In return, Apple, whose dominance in online music sales gives it powerful leverage, agreed to a longstanding demand of the music labels and said it would move away from its insistence on pricing all individual song downloads on iTunes at 99 cents.

Instead, the majority of songs in the store will drop to 69 cents beginning in April, while the biggest hits and newest songs will go for $1.29. Others that are moderately popular will remain at 99 cents.

...

And with the copying restrictions removed, people will be able to freely shift the songs they buy on iTunes among all of their computers, phones and other digital devices, potentially changing the way they listen to music.

It's about time.

Apple said customers would be able to pay a one-time fee to strip copying restrictions from all of the music they have already bought on iTunes. The price is 30 cents a song or 30 percent of the album price. ITunes customers can achieve the same effect by burning all of their music to a CD and then reimporting the music to iTunes, although this reduces sound quality somewhat.

Ha! I'm supposed to give you money to remove the restrictions i never wanted in the first place that you placed on songs i own. Pfft!