Paris Hilton Made Out With A Chick So Her Male Model Boyfriend Punched A Dude And Got Arrested

If the headline already confused you, here are the Cliff notes upfront for this post to save you from trying to figure this shit out: Paris Hilton has AIDS. She has AIDS now. TMZ reports:

[A] male clubgoer filed a report with the Las Vegas Metro Police Dept. claiming his girlfriend was “making out” with Paris inside XS nightclub at the Encore hotel … when Paris’ new BF River Viiperi got upset over the hot girl-on-girl action.
The alleged victim claims Viiperi — a 21-year-old male model — punched him in the face sometime around 2:30 AM … and injured him so badly, he needed medical attention.
The victim told hotel security he wanted to press charges against River … and when cops arrived to the scene, Viiperi was arrested for misdemeanor battery. He was cited and released without ever going to the police station.

And if you’re wondering where Paris Hilton, World’s Best Girlfriend, was during all this, bitch fucking bolted:

We’re told Paris had already left the scene by the time cops arrived.

As for how the hell Paris scored a Spanish male model. Turns out River Viiperi is not only practically a child, but his Wikipedia page says he barely graduated high school so he’s a goddamn moron. If you asked him what herpes is, he’d probably say, “Is that like icey American drink with the blue and red flavors? Because I very much like that. It burn when I pee now, excusey.”

One could assume that they’re so delicate from their years of pampering that it wouldn’t take much force from a hit for them to require medical attention… That or their idea of medical attention is their make-up being smeared… Just sayin’

It’s obvious what happened here. Look around the picture… this guy is obviously gay, saw Paris making out with a girl and decided to hit on a guy. Well, said guy was straight, and gay boy here got mad. I should be a detective.

I actually know River and he’s a really nice guy. I didn’t think he was an idiot until I found out he was dating Paris. He’s an up and coming model and I can only think that he’s doing this for exposure. Hopefully he keeps it wrapped.