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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I'm going to El Salvador.

In 2005, I spent my first summer in El Salvador. I was a young, skinny, idealistic college student, wanting to make a difference.

This is me, way back then:

I remember the first day that I stumbled into Hogar del Nino orphanage. Xiomara was at the gate. She was wearing an orange, hand-woven hat and blowing kisses, shouting, "Teeno!" This is standard behavior for Xiomara, but I didn't know that then. I was confused and amused.

This is Xiomara:

I walked around the orphanage and saw all of the kids--I say saw them instead of met then because there were far too many to meet. I saw young, physically disabled kids in wheelchairs playing with a little basketball hoop. I saw older, mentally disabled adults rocking back and forth and screaming. I saw a room full of babies, lying on the ground on plastic mats, crying to be held. I saw Geovanny, wearing a tie and smiling. I saw Alonso, waving me over with his eager eyes, wanting to talk though he isn't able too. I saw iron cages in their bedrooms. I saw the workers hugging and talking to them.

I was totally overwhelmed.

I met with the director, and, in my poor Spanish, tried to tell her how much I wanted to help. I tried to tell her that the Hogar and its work on behalf of the residents was beautiful.

That's when I burst into tears.

I am not a crier, but the swell of emotions was just too much. On the one hand, this seemed like a safe, clean place for the residents where at least they had food and some love (unlike so many disabled beggars I'd seen on the streets of El Salvador). On the other hand, how could they sleep in cribs that looked like cages? How could all 150 of them be given enough attention by just 30 or so well-intentioned workers? Why weren't the physically disabled kids in school? How could I possibly make any sort of a difference here?

I remember the director handing me a tissue with a smile. She told me to come back the next day.

I did.

I came back almost every day that summer. I fell in love with these faces:

I've been back every year since. I didn't know if I would be able to go back this summer due to my fertility treatments and our summer schedule with Ryan's Board exams, etc. But HELP International is willing to pay for my ticket (I now direct their volunteer program for the orphanage), and yesterday I decided, "What the heck, I am going."

So on Monday, in less than one week, I will be taking off to El Salvador for a few days. Ryan will not be with me, which will make me and the kids very sad, but I hope to make the most of my quick visit.

Hey, this is random, but is there anything you need to buy to take down there for the kids? Me and my boys were just talking the other day about how maybe we could do something for your orphanage. We have $50 we want to spend on a good cause this month, so if there are supplies that you would be able to buy and take with you or something, we would love to donate $50.

THE LITTLE GAL

Lover of squishes from Mama, snuggles from Daddy, and tickles from Brother

Who feels content and smiley first thing in the morning

Who needs shoes that will actually stay on her kicking, wiggly feet

Who gives mega-watt grins that melt the heart

Who fears the raucous (but affectionate) smothering of her older brother

Who would like to see her aunties and grandparents more often

Resident of a comfy one-story home where she is the queen

THE LITTLE GUY

Lover of the Polar Express, all things sugar, and his "Baby Sister"

Who feels ecstatic when "chuffing" one of his beloved trains around the house

Who needsexplanations for everything, big and small

Who gives strangers a reason to smile with his friendly chatter

Who fears"spooky" shadows, scary scenes in movies, and toilets that flush by themselves

Who would like to see a friend come over to play every single day

Resident of a house covered in photos of him and his sister

RACH

Lover of conversationswith a kindred, homemade chocolate chip cookies, and Idaho sunsetsWho feels overwhelmingly happy when nibbling on one of her delicious childrenWho needs daily quiet time to thinkWho fears losing someone else whom she loves

Who givescare packages to her friends and love letters to her kids and RyanWho would like to see more openness, compassion, and individuality in the worldResident of a little house with cute daisy bushes in front

RY

Lover of ice cream, the night sky, and dance parties with his happy kidsWho feels glorious at the peak of an Idaho mountainWho needs alone time to just look at the ceiling when he gets home from workWho gives froyo gift certificates and sugar-free suckers to his dental patientsWho fears talking on the phone and settling for less than his potentialWho would like to see family cartrips in a minivan to explore the WestResident of Twin Falls, ID

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