November 7, 2010

The emotions can take place all at once, randomly or never. For years the hope, or perhaps it’s a thought, the payback will happen. The suffering has been unbearable. Birth of the suffering starts young. Over years it increases and decreases depending on the levels of involvement. Crying, fighting, and trying to be strong. “Strong”, mentally!!

For the majority of people this takes years to develop. How does a child achieve it in their first decade of life? They can’t…..What they can do is ignore, block, and push down what the not yet “strong” part of them cannot conquer.

Remember the few times that created smiles :)Try and forget all the promises that were never kept, an insurmountable number :(

The teenager arrives in the 2nd decade. The “know it all”, able to talk back and speak what partly is on their mind. The attempt to try in some way to mend what already has gone far beyond mending. The cards, letters, excuses whatever it takes to try and gain a morsel back of what the relationship must have been, at one point, VERY early in life.

Stories have been told about that VERY early time. The joy of arrival and the pleasure it brought, if only temporary, to so many people who have, each in their own unique way, been suffering for years.

Time to fly, leave the nest, leave it all behind. HUGE sigh….an escape. Don’t speak to soon. There is never an escape. One progresses through the college years – “the name of the institution unknown for the entire duration”. Aren’t they proud of such an accomplishment? The first one to achieve what the others have not. NO they are not….

An adult, in some sense of the word, develops. The child becomes the adult and the adult seems to constantly revert back to their immature, adolescent ways. Once you are unhappy, they are so very happy. Narcissistic Behavior Disorder is the one that seems to be the best description. Everyone harbors some type of disorder – right?Give up, just give up, it’s time.

Fast forward to the 4th decade. It has happened, others have known for ages. Those who matter the most have not, nothing new in this story. You can feel the ache in your heart, you can cry, scream, laugh, talk, drink, run, but in the end one will do what has been happening since decade 1 - - ignore, block, and push down what the “still” not yet “strong” part of the person cannot conquer.