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I used to be the one who looked unflinchingly into the eyes of others.

Who noticed that it was them, who would shift around after a moment,

break my gaze,

a bit uncomfortable at the continuity of it.

Now I find that it is me who shifts and shuffles.

I only see it at times, because there are so few people in the world who really drink you in when you are with them. Who turn themselves fully towards you, eyes locked and receptive, ready to hold an unwavering space for you to just be

I got a compliment from my friend Alexis last night, about my ability to pause and reflect, and to stay present to the moment. And while my first reaction was to beam with appreciation, my very next impulse was to explain to her all of the ways in which I am merely trying to live with more presence, and how often I hit the pavement radically short of what I hope or expect out of myself. How all this intention setting is out of attempt to keep myself from sleepwalking through my days, or reacting out of reflex, without thought. Both of which I still do often.

And then this morning, I read an email that included this paragraph:

“Before I indulge in my reaction to the compliment there comes an important step, the acceptance. We often fight off a compliment, meeting it where our personal struggles exist, making lists of reasons why this is not true. The acceptance of receiving a compliment is the faith that you can allow someone to have their experience. After, you get to have yours.

This is my surrender into the truth of what another is experiencing, without laying my own thoughts or judgements inside of it, simply being a receiver for the words and thoughts of another. When I give a compliment I am sharing my experience with someone, it is an honor to be accepted for believing what I do.”

And I tried to remind myself that it was possible to accept a sweet compliment without qualifying it. And to be kinder to myself than I could ever imagine would be possible, or allowed (Jen Lee nod). So I decided that beingkind to myself would be my intention today.

But then after a few unnecessary snaps at my husband this morning, I saw that the kindness also needed to be extended outside myself.

So I struggled for a while between whether I needed my intention to be focused on giving myself support… or giving my loved ones support, before I realized that choosing was silly. And perhaps even abusing the point of this daily intention. If kindness is what I feel is needed right now, I can dole it out to myself and my family simultaneously.

So here’s to being kind.

And here’s to hoping this intention seeps into my other days, and becomes a new reflex.