I’m Sorry, When Was I Pregnant?

I love New York. Broadway, beautiful shoes, and a plethora of gourmet stores stocking my favourite edible treasures: high-end chocolate and ingenious dairy-free/vegan foods. Having visited New York three times in the past four years, I decided to dismiss all feelings of tourist obligation this time around. Instead, I planned to spend my two stop-over days in the Big Apple enjoying myself in a laid-back fashion. I would wander around in the warmth, shop, eat (and eat and eat), and revel in feeling the way New York always makes me feel: happy and slightly envious of everyone around me.

Flower outside The Pod Hotel, highly recommended. The hotel, not the flower, as I doubt the latter will be as lovely in the future.

With this intention surrounding me like a pale fern-green miasma, I didn’t expect to have much to blog about.

What’s that they say about the best laid plans of mice and men?

The Day Begins

The first half of my day followed my easy-breezy scheme, with some Food Network-watching, some Coffee Frappuccino-drinking (even if it did melt rather quickly in the warmth and honey glow of 5th Avenue on a sunny Spring day, but one can hardly complain about that), and some non-food shopping*. This last was a rather novel experience, as I am usually inordinately bored by any shopping that doesn’t end with me digesting the results.

Darn tootin', New York sidewalk.

Then Gets Slightly Less Sedate, But I am Still Emotionally Balanced

Did you know that the subway machines won’t let you buy an $8 pass with $20? You have to buy a $20 pass. And the people in the subway booths give only information, not tickets. No worries, thinks me, I’m young and a cripple fit, what’s another 20 blocks to walk after the 17 I’ve just done, even if I’m now laden with duffel bag, backpack, shopping bags, and handbag?

So I walked to Union Square for my HEAPS BIG UNRESTRAINED CHOCOLATE BUYING, and it was eight parts glorious, two parts sunburn. Not too shabby.

Flutterbys! (Macy's Spring display.)

Hello Stranger, Would You Like Two Babies?

In front of me in the line was a woman with a large stroller containing one (1) toddler and one (1) baby. Behind me were a couple (2) in their early 60s. After snaking halfway around the store (it was a long line), the mother before me turned and said “I forgot something. Can you push the stroller forward?” And off she sauntered, leaving me with one (1) duffel bag, one (1) handbag, one (1) backpack, two (2) full shopping baskets, one (1) enormous stroller, and two (2) strange children, all of which I had manoeuvre through and around assorted other shoppers and aisles with my two (2) hands.

I heard an harrumph from behind me, and turned to see the older lady shaking her head. Her husband offered to take the mother’s shopping basket from my care, while the wife told me I was really too kind, and that the mother shouldn’t have wandered off.

I smiled and said I didn’t really mind making sure someone’s children didn’t get stolen (or eaten by a dingo).

At this point, a Trader Joe’s worker approached me and asked what I needed help with. Confused, I soon ascertained that the worker had been told to look after the mother with the two children and the stroller, and so I was being approached as she.

“Oh, no, sorry, no, these aren’t mine, some lady just left me with them,” I babbled.

Harrumph, from behind.

The worker fervently agreed with such harrumphing, thanking me profusely for my generosity in spontaneous-child-rearing while stating that the woman ought not to have bequeathed her children to me.

Eventually the mother returned, at which point the worker semi-politely chided her and left. The mother promptly dropped her carton of eggs on the floor, peeked inside, muttered “of course”, and placed the carton on a nearby shelf of chocolate-covered edamame.

Harrumph.

Having relinquished my pseudo-children, I watched as the mother started sharing a pear with her toddler. I’m sure this was a lovely bonding moment and all, but the line had moved forward to the extent that, metres and metres away, she was now technically next in line, and the rest of us were stuck behind her.

The woman behind me leaned forward and whispered “I’ve never hated someone in line before”. I simply smiled and joked “You sure do things differently in America”, not wanting to get caught in a cross-generational-grocery-store showdown.

As I watched my children being rolled away, I shed a tear for all the birthday parties and tantrums and first-days-at-school I’d never get to see… and then I looked down at my carton of chocolate-covered sunflower seeds and decided I’d got the better deal.

Spawn-less, the Day Shifts from Hilarity to…

Well, you’ll just have to wait and see. Because this chickadee needs her dinner, and suspense is good for the soul.

*A skirt that makes me feel like Little Ragged Blossom, two jackets, a duffel bag for the planned chocolate splurge, and a pair of heels. This last was an accident, as I was honestly just going to try one shoe on my right non-bandaged foot then leave the store. Except what’s a girl to do when a stylish New York lady interrupts her own shopping to say that the shoes look amazing and must be bought? The girl has to buy them, obviously, even if she couldn’t try on the left shoe to make sure it fit, and so it subsequently may not. But shhhh.

Like this:

LikeLoading...

Related

17 Responses

I love New York, too, even though I’ve only spent about 3 hours there in my life. I did manage to fit in a lovely walk to a park in the sun, mocking the rice-pudding-only shop before seeing three friends walk out, a tasty sandwich and a cold beer.

But the burning question is, did you BUY any of said chocolate-covered edamame? And is there anything TJ’s doesn’t cover in chocolate?

Hahaha! This is a great story! It reminds me of regularly waiting in line at the post office/bank (why does it have to be a post office and a bank with a single line we all have to stand in? I’d never want to join this bank) where people are allowed to bring in their dogs (and screaming children). It can get quite noisy and customers can get quite heated. Always entertaining!

Your writing is exquisite! Almost as good as my favorite bar of Lindt chocolate with chili! I was smiling the whole time!
I spent two (or three) months in New York City, in Soho, and decided at the time that it was the most interesting place to be in all of America and probably the world! That city is buzzing big time! And the people are crazy too which makes it even more interesting! (like that mother of two)

It’s been way too long since I’ve ventured New York’s way (and chocolate does taste so much better there, somehow). And who can forget a trip during which one is momentarily stranded with a strange stranger’s children and all their accoutrements? Ah, the joys of travel.

Woah, that is trusting. I don’t have kids (I don’t even like many kids) but I can’t imagine a person just leaving hers with a stranger. And in NY! You’re lucky she came back for them and didn’t do a runner on ya.

Oh that mum, the poor thing. She seems a bit harried or without a clue? I don’t think I’d leave my kids with a stranger but then again, she seems like she having quite a day. Thank goodness she left them with you (and not someone untrustworthy).

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe that lady did that to you and left her children with you, a stranger (not that you would be anyone to worry about). That is the kind of craziness that happens to me all the time!

Camille: That’s a pretty good effort for three hours! Sadly I didn’t purchase the chocolate-covered edamame – they were a bit bloomed, so I opted for the chocolate sunflower seeds 🙂 And I don’t think Trader Joe’s covers its jerky in chocolate (yet).

Vaala: I’ve seen those combined post office/banks too – such silliness! And I think you’ve got the right approach, i.e. laugh at, don’t get stressed by, the chaos!

Whisperinggums: Nice to know I’d be supported were life to throw me a curveball 😉

TasteofBeirut: Thank you so much. 🙂 Made my day. Also, I love that Lindt Chilli Chocolate bar too (we always have stocks of it in the cupboard at home). I’m envious of you having lived in New York, though I think I’d go broke in about a fortnight if I did!

Trisha: I feel that way already, and I was there less than a week ago 😛 Yes, I doubt I’ll forget my brief moment of motherhood anytime soon…

Theresa: It did seem doubly surprising, happening in New York! Oooh, would you really like to see them? (Though the 6 dresses are more interesting than the skirts…) I’d love to know what you think of the shoes! 😀

Lorraine: Actually, I think people would have been more sympathetic if she HAD looked harried. Instead, she was rather aloof and wearing a cleavage-bearing minidress, which I think contributed to the older people’s disapproval!

GirlonRaw: We must emit some sort of non-threatening aura! At least it makes for hilarious memories 😀

I love the sidewalk quote and the flutterbys Hannah. I’ve only been to New York once, but I really didn’t like it. Everyone seemed to take great joy into slamming into your shoulder as you just tried to walk past them, and some random mad person screamed at me in the ferry terminal because I was having a soft drink. It was a long time ago, but I’m in no hurry to rush back, although the chocolate buying does sound fun.

Louise: It’s amazing how little moments like that, good or bad, can have such a big impact on one’s sense of an entire place! I’m finding it hard to remember the Uffizi Gallery with pleasure, for example, because of an unpleasant tour guide there who snapped at me. But I think that you, as a food-lover, might be rewarded by giving New York another chance one day! 🙂

Simply Life: It was an interesting day, particularly with the next events!

Amber: I guess we’ll just have to add New York to our itinerary before we head off to Europe then! But you have access to lots of the yummy grocery goods that NY has in your home town, so I don’t think it’s too big a deal 😛