Why must i feel this way?

Hi everyone Mabelle here, and I need some help again
Well its been tough and rough on me in the past few months
my best friends birthday who passed away 4 years ago has past and Alyessa my most resent death her birthday is today and Daniels is in two weeks and with Christmas coming up ive been trying to get in touch with my parents and try to re-bond with them they see me was worthless right now cause i let my myself get beaten and raped, and im spending my time with Spencer at his house while mine is getting repaired but im still cutting and slipped back into drinking again but its not as bad and as much as i did when i was a teenager. im scared ill get worse ALOT worse by the time the year wraps up...and yet i dont care
That is all
~darkdragon44

First off hun hugs to you You did not let yourself get raped and beaten okay that ass of a monster had all control You did not ask for that. I am sorry for all your pain and loss too hun how much can a person carry. I do hope you try to reconnect with your parents and try to get help for you to heal and to get of the alcohol okay It is good you are reaching out here hun i do hope you continue to post to reach out to people who do understand and care hugs

Oh honey, no, you did not let these things happen to you, someone did these things to you and you did not deserve it and you did not let it happen. Please please don't feel that way about it. I can relate though, and it did take me a lot of time to accept that it was not my fault, we can't control the actions of others. I am so very sorry this happened to you!

I know this time of year is hard on everyone, but it is much harder on those who have lost people we were very close to and if you ever want to chat about it all and get it out, you can pm me. I may not know what to say to make it better, but I can surly listen and maybe absorb some of it and you a bit of relief for a while.

I'm sorry your parents are blaming you for horrible crimes that are not your fault. Nobody "lets" themselves get raped. Rape by the very definition is without consent so people can't very well consent to it. The only thing that causes rape is a rapist -- a criminal who has no regard for others' feelings and who commits a crime of violence. I don't care what a person does -- even if they run down the street naked they do not deserve to be raped.

I hope that you can find a sexual assault center that can help you work through your trauma. Many of them have free temporary counselling. Some have free support groups. You can contact RAINN http://www.rainn.org/ and they have online chat counselling. Also Pandys.org has a safe forum for talking about sexual assault.

As for the physical abuse, that is certainly not your fault either. That is a violent criminal attacking you. You do not deserve that and you didn't deserve it -- not during any of those times.

You deserve better. You have a right to seek out help. You don't have to talk to people who blame you for things that are not your fault -- even if they're your family. You have the right to seek out people who trust you and believe you. You are a stranger to me, but I believe you.