so sad!!!! this is like...clearing out your locker on the last day of high school knowing you'll never come back.....*cries*

OKay I'm composed...love ya too 34! We'll keep in touch of course!

-------------------------------------------------------

QUESTION: No one answered my question of whether the ESMV and the UUSVoD were the same person. WELL, are they????

On to the post!

-------------------------------------------------------

While the group is busy trying to come up with a plan to save us all from impending doom...

Shadow is soon approaching the Fortress walls in form of the Death Star.

AAP: gee..that thing sure moves fast for its size.

Indy: All right, any idea on when we can come up with the plan to save us all?

Spock: Working on it DAMMIT!

AAP: WEll at least we seem to all be here.....*looks around* WAIT a minute...where's Solo?

Everyone starts looking around when someone sees a figure of something leaving the Death Star and moving towards them.

All: It's a bird...no, it's plane, no..it's...SUPERMAN!

Superman gracefully lands amidst the group of Fortress Generals and their numerous allies.

Superman: Dudes, I mean, fellas, I come to you with a message!

Everyone waits expectantly.

Superman pulls out a holo and shows it to the group.

It promptly reads: WE ALREADY HAVE ONE OF YOU. IT WON'T BE LONG UNTIL WE GET YOU ALL. SURRENDER OR YOU WILL ALL BECOME.....THIS! * a faint image of something or someone is seen walking in the background of the holo too faint to discern...*

Indy: Who is that in the background? Did you see that?? Did you see it?

And with that...the holo reveals to all an image of Solo, very encassed in carbonite, hanging from the wall of only the Force knows who.

There is a sudden wail to be heard from the direction of the water near the Fortress and everyone turns to see Obi-Wan and Han (completely wet from their stay in the water since they fell in there who knows how long ago) as they run towards the holo, grab it and start wailing in desperation when they see what their poor friend has become!

WAH 34, we'll miss you! I hope everyone knows they have a PM coming their way with my screen name....
~~~~~~~
AAP is horrified by the holo she sees. The pits are pouring forth more clones every minute. The enemy's armor is stronger than the Fortressian's weapons. And their shield won't hold much longer, especially with the massive presence of Superman clogging it. The Death Star is almost fully visible. Things are at their worst point yet during this Clone War.

AAP: *grabs Indy and 34 (I'll drag him with me since he can't post anymore)and starts running away from the barricade* Come with me...

34: What the heck do you think you're doing?

AAP: No idea. Just trust me.

Indy: *stops* Wait... don't go that way! *Just then the first round of lasers fires from the Death Star. 34 knocks Indy and AAP out of the way*

AAP: Cover me! *she hits the ground and begins crawling toward the Legolas' aircraft hangar. 34 and Indy pull out their laser guns and cover AAP until she takes over an X-wing which the Legolas had cleverly renamed the L-Wing. Continuing to fire, Indy and 34 climb into the X-wing*

34: Close one. I think I know what we're doing.... *nods to Indy and AAP* Let's go.

The X-wing careens out of the hangar amidst heavy fire, aimed toward the Death Star.

~~~Later~~~

The fire on the now badly wounded (can a ship really get wounded?Ah, anyway...) X-Wing hasn't improved. The 3 have not been able to penetrate into the vessel. Finally 34 shouts out:

34: There! Between those two slabs of armor! In there! *Indy manuvers the aircraft into the narrow slit. As they jump out of the the ship, they're met by even heavier fire from hordes of clones*

AAP: Hurry! Find the control room! *They race up and down corridors unable to find the navigation room. They are holding off clones the entire way.Finally Indy stops.*

Indy: Hey you guys, why don't I just check my Death Star map? Downloaded it off the Internet just yesterday. *34 and AAP roll their eyes*

AAP: You mean you've had it this entire time? Just....*fires shots at clones* Just look at it already.

Indy: What's this little cross thing? It has an N, an E, a W..... Oh! It must be the directin to the nearest news station. ((Feel free to laugh hysterically at this))

34: Gimme that. *studies map* This way!

With a few more shots, the group is on their way. Finally they reach the control room. After swiftly taking care of the officers there, AAP Indy and 34 break in.

AAP: *runs to control panel* Hold them off just a few more minutes!

34: HOW MUCH LONGER? They're breaking in!

AAP: Only a few more minutes. *flips some switches and knobs grabs a control stick, firing down on the clone army. Clones drop by the hundreds.*

All of a sudden, an intercom comes on. A deep muffled voice comes over the wire...

DeepMuffledVoice: Intruders, stop this instant! We have one of Yours on this ship and she will be taken care of permanently if you do not desist. I repeat, stop this INSTANT!

AAP: *rushes to 34* 34, listen to me. They have Solo. Go find her. On the holo, they made a very deadly mistake: they got a glimpse of her room number. C346. I'll cover you. Indy, take the controls. I'll cover you both. GO!

*AAP stands at the entrance of the control room. At first 34 won't leave her, but she pushes him to the door*

AAP: GO! Yours, Solo's, Indy's, and the entire Fortress is at stake here. Get Solo, and come back here. Indy should've taken care of the clones and the pits by then.

34 nods and begins to open the door.

AAP: 34!

He turns.

AAP: May the force be with you.

He smiled, put 2 fingers to his forehead and did a quick salute. AAP opened the door and 34 crawled away down the hall.

As AAP opened the door a horrible smell came in. It smelled like.... moldy peppermint sticks? AAP stepped away from the behind the door, blaster ready. She almost drops it when she sees what's happening out there. Hundreds of clones have assembled. She thought fast. If they get in the control room, it's all over. For everyone. The

* Yoda, YodaClone, Natalie, Archer, and Kirk have been separated from the group. Kirk is still engaged in combat with Tiberius .Yoda (who has found the original Legolas) is attempting to rearrange the elf?s pretty face. Archer is using two phase pistols to give YodaClone covering fire as he retrieves the passed out Punisher. *

LEGOLAS: The end is near, my masked nemesis. Give up!

YODA: It ain?t over till the fat lady sings, pal.

*In a dressing room on the Death Star Rosie O'Donnell begins her vocal warm up. Back on the battle field Legolas gives Yoda a pointed look. *

YODA: Sixty one posts, elf. Sixty one posts.

NATALIE: Yoda, look!

* Yoda looks up and sees the skies begin to darken. Some of the elves that his team have been battling begin to shriek as their cursed medallions turn them into skeletons.*

YODA: Now that?s interesting. That?s very inter?

* His POTC quote is cut off by a punch in the face from Legolas. The elf leaps back as one of his skeletal former comrades takes a swipe at him. *

LEGOLAS: Tiberius! Execute plan Q25!

YODACLONE: Q25?

LEGOLAS: We went through all the letters in the alphabet a long time ago. We had to start numbering our nefarious schemes. Speaking of which?

*Tiberius pushes Kirk aside and flips open his communicator. *

TIBERIUS: This is Tiberius . Q25. Now.

CLONES ON COMMUNICATOR: Transport. Transport. Yay.

* There is a hum and a shimmer of light. Tiberius and Legolas begin to dematerialize. *

ARCHER: They?re being transported!

KIRK: There must be?another ship!

*The air above them shimmers to reveal the Mirror Universe version of the Enterprise deactivating its cloaking device. Legolas? voice comes over the earpieces of the Fortress defenders. *

LEGOLAS: Correct and there is one more thing that this ship needs before it is able to depart.

YODA: What?s that?

LEGOLAS: Look behind you and find out.

* The tell tale hum of the transporter fills the air, and Yoda whirls around knowing what is about to happen. He tries to shoot a webline to prevent the inevitable, but Natalie Portman has already been transported away before Yoda has even triggered his web shooters. The Mirror Enterprise fires its orbital thrusters and begins to ascend. *

YODA : Natalie! Damn it! Archer, Kirk, get back to your ships now! I need you to follow Tiberius if I fail.

ARCHER: What are you going to do?

YODA: I?m going to get on that ship and save Natalie.

KIRK: How? His shields are up. We?cannot transport.

YODA: I?m not going to use a transporter.

*Yoda brings his thumb and index fingers up and prepares to snap *

YODACLONE: Oh no. Yoda, we can?t afford another cameo. Do you know how many lawsuits we?re going to have to deal with as is?

YODA: I don?t care. I?m going to save her.

* Yoda snaps and Colossus from the X-men appears. He begins to open his mouth, but Yoda silences him with a wave of his hand. *

YODA: Don?t say anything. I?m already having to pay all those lawyers by the word. Just listen.

* Colossus nods his understanding *

YODA: All right. Two words for you then: Fastball Special.

* Colossus grins and picks Yoda up off the ground with one hand. He lifts him over his head and tosses the webbed Fortesians like a football at the Mirror Enterprise. As Yoda speeds through the air he whispers through gritted teeth. *

YODA: That one was for you 34. Hang on Natalie, I?m coming.

WILL YODA BE ABLE TO SAVE HIS MADIEN FAIR? WILL KIRK REGAIN HIS ABILITY TO SPEAK LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING? WILL THE ESMV EVER BE REVEALED? WILL MORE COPYRIGHTED CHARACTERS BE CALLED ON IN THE (INCREASINGLY EXPENSIVE) BATTLE FOR JUSTICE? THE FATE OF THE FORTRESS HANS IN THE BALANCE! THE SERIES FINALE DRAWS NEAR. DON?T MISS A MINUTE, HERE ON FOX!

*Excal sees 34 and Indy appear out nowhere. The collective group backs into the Fortress, slamming the drawbridge up.

Excal: AAP?

*34 shakes his head*

*Bones appears from Star Trek

McCoy: She's dead Jim.

Excal: My name's Excal.

McCoy: Dammit! I'm a doctor, not a fact-checker!

Excal: This is ridiculous.

Luke: I'm guessing the crowd out there is going to try to storm in here.

Han: Well I'm glad you're here to tell us these things.

Obi-Wan: Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows?

Han: Can it old man-in-the-making.

34: *whistles* BOYS! We're on the same team here! We need a plan like NOW.

Gandalf: Albus and I can barricade the door with a protective spell to buy time. Run, you fools!

*The crew moves upstairs to the observation deck*

Excal: Man, where's Jaxx when you need him? He ususally has the plans...

34: What we need is to mount a divided defense. Catch their attention...

Superman: They seem vain. That would be their weakness.

Indy: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Excal: THAT'S IT!

*whispers to 34, who grins*

34: CINEMUS PROJECTUS!

*A giant movie screen appears in the middle of the swarming Legolas crowd. They pause and momentarily look up. They see a split screen featuring Pirates of the Carribean and Lord of the Rings. Suddenly, Orlando Bloom appears on each of the monitors. The clones stare in awe at their maker.

SOLO: 34 and Indy were the ones trying to get you out of Carbonite. AAP sacrificed herself for the cause before (presumably) heading back to the Real World. Judging from Excal's post they completed their task off camera. Maybe you are in the Fortress now.

We're back in the present for those who are tying to keep track of the increasingly confusing continuity of the battle.

*YodaClone (with the Punisher still over his shoulder) has been left behind. Captains Archer and Kirk have transported back to their respective starships. Yoda is crawling on the hull of the Mirror Enterprise and Colossus has vanished after the completion of his task.*

YODACLONE: Well this is just dandy. Everyone else is off to the final climactic battle and I'm stuck here with you. I really should talk to the scriptwriters about how I'm utilized over the next sixty three posts. I really deserve far more solo screen time than I get. In fact I think I should have my own thread for a while.

PUNISHER: Ngggggg.

YODACLONE: I agree. The Awesome Adventures of YodaClone does has a nice ring to it. I think you should be my sidekick when the show airs. You could be my crazed comedy relief character. What do you think?

*The Punisher awakens and realizes he is being hauled around like a sack of flour.*

PUNISHER: I think my career is already at an all time low.

YODACLONE: Well fine then. But don't you come crawling to the door of my Beverly Hills Mansion asking for a second chance at stardom.

*YodaClone looks off into the distance and sees the movie screen that is holding the clones at bay begin to flicker.*

YODACLONE: Oh boy. Looks like more equipment from Watto's. That won't hold long. We have to go help them. Come on Punny.

*YodaClone grabs the Punisher by the scruff of his neck and swing towards the Fortress. Punisher lets out a yelp and gags.*

*Punisher nods his head and closes his eyes. As YodaClone swings over the Fortress Moat the sound of an engine causes him to look down.*

YODACLONE: Wait a second, is that...THE FONZ?

*From his jet ski Arthur "Fonzie" Fozarelli waves*

THE FONZ: Heyyy!

YODACLONE: Fonzie, what are you doing down there?

RICHIE CUNNINGHAM: He's going to jump over that shark!

*Fonzie gives a thumbs up as he accelerates. YodaClone looks skyward.*

YODACLONE: Oh that was subtle, Big Guy. Real funny.

*YodaClone and his passenger leave Fonzie to his infamous stunt and land on the roof of the Fortress. YodaClone opens the skylight and drops down, allowing the Punisher to bump his head along the way.*

YODACLONE: Watch your head.

PUNISHER: Jerk.

*Both of them land in the darkened main room of the Fortress. YodaClone does a flip before he lands, which causes the Punisher to give his head another goose egg courtesy of the hardwood floor.*

PUNISHER: You are so asking to get shot.

YODACLONE: Sorry. Force of habit.

PUNISHER: Habit? I haven't seen you do that to anyone else.

YODACLONE: You caught me, Punny. It's purely personal.

*Before the Punisher is able to try to coax a witty remark from what is laughingly referred to as his brain he is interrupted by the sound of a lightsaber igniting.*

EXCAL: Don't move elf or I'll lop the ears right off of you.

YODACLONE: I'd really prefer if you didn't, but Punny here would be happy to volunteer his.

*The lights snap on.*

EXCAL: Yoda!

YODACLONE: YodaClone actually. I'm the star of the post this time around.

EXCAL: But isn't Yoda the one who wears the Spidey suit?

YODACLONE: He wears the movie suit. I'm in the Ditko era one.

*The Punisher sniggers*

PUNISHER: Yeah, the one with the webbed arm pits.

YODACLONE: I think the webbed arm pits are cool! And who are you to give me fashion advice, Mr. I Have A Badly Spray Painted Skull On My Shirt?

PUNISHER: Hey, this shirt was a gift from my son in my movie.

YODACLONE: Oh great. Do you have any idea how messed up in the head a kid has to be in

Just letting you guys know. According to the latest info the Mods are saying they are aiming to move the boards by the end of the month. We sure aren't going to hit 10,000 by Valentine's Day, but we can still hit it before the move if we step it up.

Disclaimer: This was not an attempt to incourage people to post in any way. This was a piece of information. Do not save the Fortress if you don't want to.

And the further we go, the more people seem to join our party it seems..cameo-wise I mean, hehehe

Okay, so I just got an idea..thought I'd run it by you guys since it seems that Jaxx and tgy know something we don't, with the ESMV and all.. (which I'm very curious to find out who it is!)

But anyway, here's the idea...don't know if everyone here read the JA Trilogy but I was just lounging around at home and then this sorta hit me. Back when I read it, I really loved it by the way, but when i got to Champions of the Force...you know, when Luke was still "in limbo" if we could say that after Kyp sorta "knocked him out" of his own body and all that. Well, remember when they all united in the temple and faced Exar Kun and Streen and Kirana Ti had the lightsabers held high...

Anyway, I thought their courageous union to defeat an enemy was cool....call me a sissy but I was very emotional when i read that whole part back in the summer.

thought we could do something like that....somewhere later, when it's closer to the end.

*Yoda is still on the hull of the Mirror Enterprise. The air is getting colder by the second and he knows it won't be long before oxygen will make an unfortunate departure. Yoda uses all of his spider strength to tear off pieces of hull plating. The Starship is at the very edge of the atmosphere and Yoda can feel his brain threatening to shut down. With a final burst of strength he pulls back the hull plating making a hole big enough for him to crawl through. Before Yoda's feet have even hit the floor the Mirror Enterprise's emergency force fields snap on and seal the hull breach, effectively trapping Yoda in the ship. Yoda allows himself exactly three seconds to give his body some well earned oxygen before running out the door and through the ships corridors.*

CAPTAIN ARCHER (Over Yoda's Earpiece): Archer to Yoda.

YODA: Here, Captain.

ARCHER: There's something you should know.

YODA: Problems already?

ARCHER: I'm afraid so.

YODA: Lay it on me then.

ARCHER: Tiberius' ship is capable of warp nine the Enterprise can only hit warp five and Kirk's ship can only go warp eight. If we don't take him down now we could lose him for good.

YODA: Understood.

ARCHER: You've got about four minutes until we're in range. After that I can't promise how long the ship you're on will be in one piece.

YODA: I'll move quickly. Thanks for the heads up.

*Yoda speeds through the corridors of the ship. He rounds a corner and is faced with a squad of Legolas Clones.*

CLONES: Kill. Kill.

YODA: I don't have time for you guys.

CLONES: Rejection. Rejection. Ouch.

*Yoda isn't even listening. He bounces off the head of one of the clones and lands on the ceiling, which he proceeds to stand up (or is it down?) and run on. The clones quickly recover from their hurt feelings, pull out phasers and start blasting away. The bursts of energy chew up the ceiling under Yoda's feet, but he keeps running.*

YODA: I think I liked it better when you used bows and arrows.

CLONES: Obsolete. Obsolete. 24th century. Energy Weapons. Yay.

*Yoda lets himself drop from the ceiling in order to dodge the next volley of phaser fire. As he falls, he twists himself to face the clones and creates a barrier of webbing the spreads from one wall to the next. Yoda does a handspring, putting himself back on course and continues running.*

YODA: Yoda to Enterprise.

SCIENCE OFFICER T'POL: T'pol here.

YODA: Great, another thousand bucks to Paramount.

T'POL: I beg your pardon.

YODA: I should have specified which ship I was calling. I was trying to get in touch with the Vulcan I had already paid for.

T'POL: I was not aware that the Vulcan High Command had put its officers up for hire.

YODA: Never mind. I need you to scan for Natalie Portman's life signs and tell me where she's being held.

T'POL: Is this the woman you were so passionately embracing when you first appeared on our bridge?

YODA: I told you that was a mistake. I snapped us to the wrong place after the Natalie Date ended.

T'POL: I would tend to agree.

YODA: Cut the editorials and just give me the coordinates!

T'POL: Very well.

*Minutes later Yoda arrives in the Shuttle Bay of the ship. He runs through the door and is stopped dead by what he sees. The original Legolas is standing amid a Legion of Clones. He has Natalie Portman and is holding one of his knives to her throat.*

LEGOLAS: Ah, my masked nemesis you have arrived at last.

YODA: Let her go.

LEGOLAS: I'm afraid I can't do that. The last time she got lose she delivered a particularly painful kick to my little Legolas makers. Besides, she is an excellent way of making sure you don't do anything stupid.

YODA: If you hurt her Tiberius will kill you. Ten to one he wanted her for himself.

LEGOLAS: Indeed he did. Unfortunately, he did not accept the fact that I was the only one who was sexy enough to be worthy of Ms. Portman.

Four pages. If I had done the smart thing and cut this up into smaller segments we would not only be closer to our goal, but I would not be in danger of missing the first day of the new semester. Wait a second, we're talking about me. When was the last time I did the smart thing?