"I'm neither one thing nor the other particularly. I am fortunate in that I am apparently reasonably undersexed or something...I've never said that I was gay and I've never said that I wasn't...what I'm trying to say is that I am a person before I am anything else...."

--Edward Gorey

I identify as straight because I find men more appealing. If I were to have sex with anyone, it would be a man. I have never had sex with a woman, nor do I wish to. It isn't that I find the idea disgusting, simply that it holds very little appeal for me personally.

The fact is, however, that although I can look at men and find them appealing, I have zero desire for sexual contact. Even when I was younger and comparatively randier, I only had sex as a way of paying for companionship. I never desired sex for the sake of sex. There were moments that one might identify as pleasurable but those were brief and in the long run seemed quite a waste of time. I'd rather read a good book.

During my lifetime I've had four sexual partners, which many people might consider shockingly low for a person of my age. I have an adult son, who was born when I was nineteen. The relationship with his father, my high school sweetheart, lasted for eight years. Part of the break-up may have been due to my disinterest in sexual contact. I would engage in it, but it simply did nothing for me. My ex was more interested in sex than he was in companionship and after the divorce he had very little to do with either our son or me.

At the behest of friends I tried dating again three other times. One of these relationships lasted for four years and I was not sorry when it ended. The others lasted for nine months and a year respectively and I was more relieved than hurt when they were done. I have not been in a relationship (or had sexual contact) in ten years, and I don't intend to ever do so again. It was supposed to make me happy, but it doesn't. So why waste my time?

I make a much better companion when not feeling the need to engage in "wifely duties." I would much rather have dinner guests than bedtime buddies. I realize in this oversexed society, that makes me quite the oddball. But in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not exactly normal anyway!

I don't experience severe pain generally the way some people do, just a chronic, all-over, low-grade ache that leaves me feeling tired most of the time. Some days its worse than others. The pain itself is never unbearable but being in pain at any degree all the time does contribute to depression. Sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it to keep trying. Also, the brain fog sucks and becomes worse around PMS time.

Welcome and Warning

To the majority of you, a wicked welcome! Hope you have fun with these little hacks and slashes of depravity from the depths of my twisted soul. However, I do not abide trolls. If the only things you have to say are shitty, then fuck off back to the sewers from whence you came. Life is too short to put up with crap from assholes.