Monday, November 14, 2011

So after an earlier than necessary hiatus due to job changes and other obligations, but I'm back and not only do I have a better focus, but I also have some reviews of the new Fall Line-up! So sit back, stay tuned, and just wait for the unveiling of my madness...

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Every once in a while...ok every week I like to see what new movie trailers are out. Make sure I'm up to date on all the soon to be comedies and French films I seem to give a pass to because of the fact that they're French.

I have no shame.

Anyway, so this week when I went to check out trailers low what did I find but this little diddy:

Yeah I know. It made me go WHAT THE FUCK, too.

It's not that it looks horrible. It actually looks like it could have some moments in the funny guy comedy vein. What bothers me is that almost down to the scene it's a remake of Adventures in Babysitting....well accept you don't have Brenda in the bus station. Like seriously, can't they own up to that? Somewhere in the trailer. I mean, Adventures in Babysitting is legendary. "Don't fuck with the babysitter," was once my mantra.

I know, I know. I said I would give TV a rest for a while [and technically I did], but my mind is soaked in the finest booze I have to offer [on sale Stoli Apple vodka] while I watch episodes of old BBC mysteries [Pie in the Sky— Richard Griffiths + Mystery + food talk = awesomeness] and I can't think of anything but how TV is failing me lately.

I know I might be totally alone in my feelings about certain TV shows and certain plot lines that they've chosen to go are just ridiculous and I am just OVER THEM.

Let's start with Grey's Anatomy...

Grey's and I have quite the history. When I was slightly younger and going through my own "dark and twisty period," Grey's gave me hope that all of us emotionally scarred and slightly crazy girls who liked to get drunk and kiss all the wrong boys could still come around and make life OK for themselves. In fact a lot of times I found myself reciting absentmindedly Meredith's plea to Derek, "To pick me, choose me, love me," when at a particularly rough spot with a boy.

In it's early days Grey's Anatomy captured all the angst and crazy of my early twenties self, and I was more than OK with all the soapiness. Hell, I road it through all that Gizzie fiasco knowing we'd come out on the other side quite happy. Oh, and I didn't mind when Calliope decided that she liked the vagina, I was however unhappy that it was the bitch we had all come to hate that made her girl parts first decide to dance por la femme, but you know what fine they wised up and got her the cutest little pediatrician they could have found. Except she was a pediatrician that didn't want kids and that made me go, wha? I mean seriously folks, how contrived of a plot device could you have found? And then you send her to Malawi so they can break up and she gets knocked up by her best friend.

And then all of a sudden she's pregnant and it's all, "Not only do you have to decide today that you want kids, but you also have to decide that you want into this incredibly perverted madness where I'm totally knocked up by my best friend who you barely like and you bet your ass he is not signing away his paternal rights." In the eternal words of Grey's Anatomy: Seriously? Seriously??????

To Shonda Rhimes, I say that you're way better than that.

Then we have Glee...

Oh Glee. Oh how I had such high hopes for you. You brought back the concept of the musical to the mainstream, and even in all of your highhanded hokiness you still found a way to be fun and original. I won't lie and say you've pictured high school perfectly [but then again, I'm not allowed to talk about high school because I went to a nerd school where everyone was a bit off so it wasn't total hell], but goshies you weren't horribly wrong.

And then by all that is television holy you fucked it all up. You got so carried away with your musical "events" and the gen after school special plot lines and saint Kurt that you lost focus about the story you wanted to tell. You went to hell and high water to tell a story about a diverse group of misfits, or was this your chance to rewrite high school for yourself Ryan Murphy, because if so that explains a lot. I grew tired of Glee and it's intense uneveness this past season about halfway through. I filled myself in using the musings of friends and articles I've read.

To Mr. Murphy I say this: If you'd like to get your act together and write a TV show that's uplifting, exciting, hilarious, a testament to overcoming bullies, AND is all inclusive let me know. I'll be there with bells on. Oh, and stop getting all pissy everytime a band says no to you using their music. They're not hateful, they just like complete creative control just like you did until Brian Falchuck made you hire more writers.

Oh True Blood...

Before I get started on True Blood, I need to let you know my history with the book series:

I was 17 getting ready for a 5 hour road trip to NYC. I didn't know what I was going to do for that time, so I took a stroll up to my favorite neighborhood bookstore and hunted around. That's when I found it, book 2 in a series of so far 4 [didn't realize it was a series], and I grabbed it. Needless to say, half way to NYC I was hooked, and I bought up books 1&3 when I got to NYC for the trip back home to DC, coincidentally during the middle of the NYC Gay Pride Parade.

Now the books are hokey. They are nice mystery fun for a summer afternoon. My favorite thing about them considering I bought them when I was going through a serious mystery novel phase. Sookie isn't a genius, but she's got her wits about her and everyone else's thoughts and I always liked that about her. She's the girl that had she been born without her disability she would have been gorgeous and popular, but because she's the slightest bit different she ends up being an outcast. [oh Louisiana how I miss you]

I say all of this to say that Sookie was very much a part of my formative years. Those series were a fun distraction for a couple days in the summer, and it mixed my favorites: romance, mystery, and fantasy.

Then came the TV series...now what the TV show did was take all the background stories that barely factor into the books and bring them to the forefront. Giving the stories of the side characters equal footing with Sookie's main plot line. The problem is Sookie's story suffers because of this.

Now I'm not saying that I don't enjoy the antics of Tara, Jason, Jessica, and others on occasion, but lord does that sacrifice the real story telling and turns it in to crazy campiness. But seriously, not going to lie, why hasn't anyone addressed the fact that the "Angry victimized black woman" decides to become a lesbian as "an escape from her past." I'm sorry, but that's insulting to women, rape and assault victims, and black women in general. It's like Alan Ball said to himself, how much "other" can we heap on the only other minority character on the show. Let's be honest, Tara has been hurt by women almost as much as she's been hurt by men. I'm sorry Alan, but I'm not buying it. And if you were really desiring the need to amp up a lesbian character, say hello to Pam. She doesn't like men, has super human strength, and she wears sweater sets. What about her do you not love?

So that's my two cents. We can happily agree to disagree or you can jump on my bandwagon. I would love for you to share your two cents as well.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

A couple months ago this movie called Bridesmaids came out. Don't know if you've heard of it. Oh wait? You have.

Of course you have. Everyone who hasn't lived in abject obscurity for the last couple of months have heard of it. In fact just yesterday, I heard that it was on the verge of becoming Judd Apatow's most financially successful movie, beating out Knocked Up, and that doesn't surprise me, because it plays it sells itself as the bawdy version of a chick-flick. Giving us of the vagina set a chance to be just as bad as the boys. To be as abjectly raunchy and show that we don't have to have it all together. That we too can be losers too, do stupid stuff, and make people laugh.

And that's all well and good, if that was truly the message the movie gave.

You see [and spoiler alert for those of you who haven't seen it] the lead character, Annie, in Bridesmaids is sad, and I mean actually really fucking sad. She's got a complete dick for a fuck buddy, she works at a crappy job her mom got her through AA because she lost her business to the economy, and lives with two random Brits who treat her like trash. So, though she doesn't say it, it seems like her life is over when her best friend is moving on in her life happily by getting married.

The movie never really explores her life, and why she's really a loser. Just accepts it for what it is, that she's in this rut and now she feels out shined by the "prettier" well put together new friend who is also a bridesmaid. In fact if anything, Annie is continuously punished for her loserdom. Blamed for tripping out on a plane when she was drugged and encouraged to drink liquor to relax her. Blamed as a petulant child for calling out people for sidelining her. Kicked out by her obnoxious roommates. Oh, and ridiculed by customers at her dead end job which she eventually loses.

Yeah, that's a fucking laugh riot of female empowerment.

So I say all of this to say, that when Bad Teacher came out this past weekend, and critics got together and had a shit fest to say how much they didn't like it, they were rearing their hypocritical little heads. You see Bad Teacher really does what Bridesmaids was supposed to do; it takes all the loserish anti-hero qualities with all of the grossness of boy comedies and gives it a female face that unapologetically flaunts it.

One reviewer said that there was absolutely nothing redeeming about the Cameron Diaz's character, Elizabeth, and that's true, but that's also what's so refreshing about it. For maybe the first 5 minutes of the movie we think that she could be a good person, all sunshiny and love, but after that they work hard to hone it in that she's a bitch on rails who doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. And if you don't like it, fuck you, but she's going to go for what she needs. So when reluctantly she finds herself back teacher in a middle school working with a slightly insane Lucy Punch name Ms. Squirrel, I don't blame her for drinking bourbon and going throw the litany of inspiring teacher movies to make it through the first 3 months of school.

Seriously, the Squirrel is like those psycho overly enthusiastic teachers you're supposed to leave behind in elementary school, because now that you're going through puberty you need someone better equipped to hose you down during a hormone filled rage rather than wear costumes.

Anywhozzle, she's not one for "each one teach one," our Elizabeth, but she knows what she wants and that's boobs so that she can get a man with a big check book to take care of her. And finally one drops right under her nose in the form of an overly eager substitute teacher. It's clear to anyone with a heart beat that he's better suited for Psycho Squirrel, but that doesn't stop Elizabeth from trying her best to thwart her while making the money for her boob job that she's certain will reel her big fish in.

And you know what? More power to her. Here we have a loser who not only doesn't give a fuck what you think, but is working her way toward she wants and thinks she needs. Oh and she goes about it ALL the wrong ways. And gets away with it. Epically.

Of course a long the way the whole love story plays out and she ends up with the affable gym teacher that gets her how she is, and ends up as the school guidance counselor, because face it, pre-teens need someone who's going to be straight with them. But the main point is, she's a horrible human being, she's just fine with it and doesn't apologize for it.

Monday, June 20, 2011

You're saying, "Emma O, you bitch, you promised these things would be regular."

To which I say, 1) I am not a bowel movement and 2) I said, I'm working on making regular posts. Right now this shit is going to be spotty like a pregnant girls period. [gynecological humor. har.]

I'm currently working on figuring out topics of crap that I can talk about. I don't want to inundate you with my first love (TV) and my second love (booze).

I also don't want to bore you with my furious attempts to get in shape. I don't want to be that girl who blogs about "gymming it." I barely speak about it to my friends and I get angry when trainers at the gym speak to me. In fact when someone speaks to me at a gym, I don't go back to that location for a month. God bless WSC and they're Passport Pass, you were the best Christmas gift I ever gave myself. You alone enable my "I'm an evil sweaty bitch" workout routine.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

No, not booze and baked goods. Though, those are pretty high up there...the booze especially. No, what I live for as lame and weird as it is (as my love constantly reminds me) is TV.

I wish I could say this is a brand new love affair prompted by ooghads of free time, DVRs, and how TV has become so creative in the last 5 years or so, but no. I have been truly like this my entire life.

TV has been my constant companion since the early days.

Ok, that makes me sound like I should be locked in a room someplace where padded walls are the primary decor. So let me rephrase that, growing up I had a great fondness for the idiot box.

I mean, you had your Sesame Street, Square One, Zoobilee Zoo, all the old Looney Tune cartoons your heart could want, and don't even get me started on Jem and the Holograms (there are stories there that should have traumatized me for life). These were all staples of everyone in my generation, but my love of TV traveled much further. See in my house the remote wasn't that guarded growing up.

Seriously, bonding half hour with my dad was watching Married With Children. My mother and I were devoted watchers of Matlock, Golden Girls, Murder She Wrote, and Designing Women. Oh, and I'm pretty sure I learned how to tell time by when Mad About You came on. My first TV. My first personal TV, was this old ass black and white that had the double dials. You know the ones where it was VHF and UHF. Yeah, I rolled Old School like that from ages 5-8 when I got my first color TV and learned how to properly work an antenna to pick up every signal possible between here and Baltimore. Yeah, channel 54 was the love of my life. That's how I rolled.

Anyway, I say all of this to say that this week, is sort of like my own personal holy week. It's Upfronts!

For those of you who don't know, Upfronts are the time when all the Networks get together at the end of the season and say to a bunch of Ad Folk, "Hey you guys! Guess what. So you know how last year we told you that we found a bunch of demo shattering shows that you should attach your shit to? Well we sort of lied, because only half of those shows are still there (unless we're CBS because, well we only pick the exact same shows so our demos never change), but we have a brand new crop of shows that are so super awesome. So you should give us all your money." Yeah, that's what this week is all about.

So basically this week makes me all kinds of happy, and because of my crazy life long love of TV, I generally have a pretty good sense about what will stay what will go. That's right it's taken 25 years, but I've perfected the thumbs up thumbs down for TV shows. These are my picks for shows that will make it through their first season and get at least second season pick up.