They’re out to get you. Everyone knows it. There’s a blatant MSM* conspiracy against your team.

The dirty h*n/tim b****rds don’t even bother trying to hide it. Acknowledging this truth is one thing, but dealing with it is quite another.

With that in mind, I’ve compiled an easy-to-follow guide to the MSM scum targeting YOUR team.

*If you’re unfamiliar with the term ‘MSM’ (in which case you must be one of the SHEEPLE who need to WAKE UP), it’s a term invented by middle-aged people with high blood pressure and regret which stands for:

M y wife has left me

S o I spend a lot of time getting angry on the internet about things which don’t really

M atter

My no-holds-barred expose begins with the very website you’re reading this on.

GLASGOW LIVE: Blatantly anti-Rangers. Has ‘LIVE’ in the title, the opposite of which is ‘DEAD’. Ask any Celtic supporter what comes to mind when you say ‘DEAD’ and they’ll say ‘RANGERS’. Shameless. They don’t even bother trying to hide it. What’s more, they’re the home of Old Firm Facts …

OLD FIRM FACTS: Blatantly anti-Celtic. Only a staunch, flute-playing, succulent lamb-digesting, secret handshaker would use the term ‘Old Firm’. What’s more, the man’s known to have received a Barmitzvah at the age of 13 – undeniable proof of his ties to the Global Jewish MSM Conspiracy. He doesn’t even bother trying to hide it.

BBC: Blatantly anti-Rangers. Their ‘Reporting Scotland’ programme has, since 2012, consisted of a 5-minute comedy segment called ‘Sport’. This insensitive feature has invited, nay ENCOURAGED viewers to revel in the amateurish goings-on at Ibrox by reporting on them. Characters like Craig Whyte, Joey Barton and FC Progrès Niederkorn were created by the British BIASED Corporation among other FAKE NEWS outlets.

They even broadcast a weekly show called ‘Sportscene’ which features highlights of that week’s Rangers game, OBSESSING over the goals conceded by Rangers and conveniently editing out the moments when they DID properly defend set-pieces. Don’t even get me started on their blatant Yoon/Nat/Corbynite/Tory/Brexiteer/ReMOANer agenda. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

BBC: Blatantly anti-Celtic. All the above, but they say ‘Rangers’ instead of ‘Sevco’. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

@CelticFC: Blatantly anti-Rangers. With 556,000 Twitter followers, this is the most prominent account in Scottish football. Does it handle this responsibility in a balanced manner? Does it ****. The favouritism towards Celtic is apparent in every post. It’s bad enough that Celtic are mentioned in LITERALLY EVERY TWEET, but consider this – when Celtic played Rangers, the account LITERALLY tweeted “Come on Celtic“.

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Has the culprit been sacked for compromising the integrity of a so-called ‘neutral’ account? No, he remains in his post and has probably even received a pay rise which he’ll no doubt spend on rosary beads or Shane Lynch eau de toilette or plimsolls or whatever it is Catholics like. Still don’t believe me? Try this on for size. The account often retweets biased messages from Celtic supporters which end with ‘COYBIG’. Question a fan and they’ll tell you it stands for ‘Come On You Big Irish Giants’, but it is in fact Papish code for ‘Catholics Oh Yeah, Better Irritate Gers’. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

RADIO CLYDE: Blatantly anti-Celtic. Their Superscoreboard programme is deliberately scheduled for 6-8 on weeknights, when every Celtic fan worth their salt is attending ‘Offensive Banner Display’ workshops or ‘Conspiracy Blog’ classes. Also, if you play the iconic Superscoreboard theme alongside The Sash and then switch off the Superscoreboard theme, it sounds EXACTLY like The Sash. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

THE SCOTTISH SUN:THE SCOTTISH H*N. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

THE EVENING TIMES:THE EVENING TIMS. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

THE SKINNY: Blatantly anti-Partick Thistle. By featuring the latest Scottish talent from the worlds of music, film and art, as well as vintage fairs and profiles of Glasgow’s best bars for craft beer, this supposedly ‘free’ magazine in fact leads Thistle Ultras to undertake various activities which cost money that would otherwise be spent supporting their team. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.

BT Sport: Blatantly anti-Celtic. The broadcaster shamelessly pays Ally McCoist, a man who spent YEARS playing and even MANAGING Rangers, to offer supposedly ‘impartial’ analysis next to genuinely neutral pundits like Michael Stewart, Stephen Craigan and Chris Sutton. They don’t even bother trying to hide it.