Louis Walsh Had No Idea He Was Going Bald Until Simon Cowell Told Him

IT’S the morning of the X Factor live final and the Daily Mirror begins the expected news of hype and hoopla. Yes – Louis Walsh has had a hair transplant. Now as you roll your eyes at the singing and judgements you can study the top of Walsh’s head. And that used to be no easy thing. Walsh’s head acts as if it’s on a spring, bobbling here and there like an incontinent Weeble top-toeing thruogh a Glastonbury portaloo. We thought it was raw excitement or itching powder that kept up Walsh’s perpetual motion, but it was most likely the Irishman aiming to be a moving target and so harder to hit with barbs.

It turns out that even Walsh could not see Walsh’s head, having to be told he was thinning by the ever helpful Simon Cowell. Walsh had been labouring under the impression his hair was a blur or iron grey filings.

Any how, Louis freeze-framed the tapes from the show and was aghast, telling himself:

“I don’t want a bald spot! I’m going to get this sorted.’”

He went to Dublin’s Hair Restoration Blackrock (HRBR).

The Times‘ Ben Machell reveals:

There is an underground car park, so that the steady flow of celebrity clients can enter the building unnoticed, and the consulting rooms have frosted-glass interior windows, for extra privacy. There are also large, gold cans of Elnett hairspray in the gents’ toilets.

Had only newsagents offered such a discreet service, internet porn may never have taken off.

Anyhow, it’s all golden for Walsh, who can now begin to sit still and inject his wisdom with the kind of gravtias befitting a late middle-aged judge on a talent show for teenaged singers…