I struggled a great deal during my first semester of law school, and my grades were horrible. It was a different style of learning, that I had to get used to. I was a good student in undergrad, so I couldn’t understand what was wrong. The feedback that I got back from my professors was “rule dumping” and “too conclusory”. When I look back at my bluebooks, I can now understand what they might…pages and pages of rules and too little analysis. Second semester was a lot better for me. I finally understood that I had to make law school my entire life, and I worked hard at it. I joined a study group with the smartest guy in my section (he booked all the classes 1st semester), and did practice essays and multiples for academic support and my professors weekly. In the end, all my grades went up a letter grade, but it wasn’t enough and I was academically dismissed in 2011.

My first year out of law school was extremely difficult. It doesn’t help your self-esteem. I also didn’t have a plan B, so I felt derailed for a while. I am now in a MBA program (which has probably a rash decision after being dismissed from law school), and I graduate May of 2014. I am trying to accept my MBA, and looking into different fields that I can go into. I just feel like it’s not genuine and I think my professors and everyone around me can realize that.

I have an internship now and I visited the NC Supreme Court and met with one of the Justices. I can’t explain what I felt listening to him talk about cases and the law. I can only say that I felt such admiration and respect. I also felt ashamed and sad that I would not be able to practice law. I looked at the different Justices on the wall, and it was at that point that I was determined to not give up on my dream.

For the most part, I’ve accepted the fact that I am not in law school anymore. The only question is whether or not I want to go back. I have to be realistic about the situation. Law schools look down on applicants who were previously dismissed, and that will make it just that much harder for me to get in. I also do not want to go through that grueling admissions process again (if you’ve gone to law school, then you know what I mean). Not to mention, that BEAST we call a LSAT. I’m in business school, so I have learned to always look at the cost-benefit factor. Is it worth it, financially? Lastly, am I really meant to be a lawyer? Do I possess the required skills? Is that career even for me?

Unfortunately, I was academically dismissed from law school after my 1L year. I found out I was no longer a law student in June and I am still finding it very diffcult to deal with. I have always wanted to be an attorney, and I worked very hard to get into law school. My first semester of law school was one of the most difficult journeys that I have ever embarked upon. I soon found out that it was not undergrad. My grades were horrible. I wasn't use to it at all, because I did very well in undergrad. I was told by one of my professors that most people with my GPA did not come back and that it was best to leave. I decided to stay and fight. Second semester was alot better, because I finally understood want it meant to be in law school. I joined a study group, pulled all nighters, met with professors weekly, did practice essays etc. In the end, all my grades went up a letter grade (except for contracts). However, my first semester GPA was just too low that I couldn't come back from it. My school had a C curve.

Now, I am in an MBA program and very unhappy. I wish I was in law school everyday. I feel like a failure and an embarrassment to my mother. There has been an on going competition with my cousin who has just been hired at an accounting firm. Somedays I am fine, but most days I cry. I have no idea where to go from here. I don't know if I am meant to be an attorney. I don't even know how to be happy for my friends who are still there, when all I feel is jealousy and anger. I need advice from people who know what it's like to be in law school.