Thursday, October 29, 2009

So yesterday was going just fine and dandy until right after I blogged. My phone vibrated and I figured it was a bbm so I disregarded it until I was finished some paperwork.why when I looked to see who it was it was a text. From NEWBS.

Yes, the same Newbs who I said I was done with because he chose a very inappropriate time to disrespect me.

Yes, the same Newbs who I haven't spoken to since October 1st, the night we had that dispute in my car.

He had the nerve to hit me up like everything was peaches and damn cream. I couldn't believe it. Then had the nerve to say "I still feel some kind of way" yea? Cuz I told you you weren't shit or cuz I said I don't want to love someone like you, who disregards my feelings to prove a point.

I asked him if he wanted to talk any problems he had out with me, because last time I checked I wasn't a fuckin mind reader. Let me know how u feel. I don't assume.

I'm still waiting to hear from him. I honestly hope he knows I don't plan on waiting forever. I all but told him out relationship can cease where it stands.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So I've been thinkin about moving off on my own. Way from most of the family to Manhattan. Yes the big cityyyy.

in other news. I've been dreamin a lot about Newbs (aka Assholus Majorous) lately. I don't know if maybe my heart is trying to drop my mind hints. Yea I miss him, but that motherfucker will have to seek me out and beg for my forgiveness before I will even TALK to his ass. Hmmphf. Let he try wid duh!

This rain has made me want t cuff like crazy!

(Cuff, Cuffin: means to be boo'd up for all you non-New Yorkers)

I've been enjoyin thecompany of my old/new friend. I'm not looking for anything, and neither is he which is PERFECT. We talk and enjoy eachother company. Which is refreshing.

P.S. Halloween is saturday. I will get to wear my costume from last year. Didn't have it on for long if u catch my drift lol.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lately I've been trying to think of what I plan to change about myself/ my life in the coming year. To be honest with you all, 2009 couldn't end fast enough for me. Its been such a TRYING year to say the least.

Between new life, death, surgery, loves found and lost... It was a rollercoaster. But I digress.

I was able to fulfill my resolution from last year and made 2009 my year to strictly do me. If I wanted it done I did it. Even if I didn't succeed(which was a rare occuance) I can honestly say that I tried. I did a complete personal revamp and I must say that I'm happy with the new me.

As far as 2010 goes, my 2 main goals are to finish surgery and go back to school *crosses fingers*

In reference to my love/personal life, I'm not going to make any plans in particular. I'm just going to ride the wave. I'm 21 for crying out loud! Lol. If love comes my way, great. But I'm sure as hell not going to go look for that bitch, let it find me. Lol

Monday, October 19, 2009

My aunt passed 4am this morning after battling breast cancer for two years. It was so hard for me to see my grandmother, whose birthday was yesterday hear that she was ill. My family has had to bury 5 members this year.

Every morning I wake up and wonder if the day ahead will be better or worse than the day before.

My health is in better shape, but my heart is heavy. I'm tired. I put on a smile everyday even when I want to cry. I know that there's someone out there that has it worse than I do. I wish I could meet them so I can ask how they do it.

For all you women ages 35 and up PLEASE GO GET YOUR MAMMOGRAM! Early detction saves lives. Don't be afraid. Because when its too late, its too late.

If you need any information regarding being screened, feel free to contact me.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I'm still alive and kickin blog world. I haven't blogged in 2 months. I've been so busy. Between work and my personal life. A lot has changed in such a short period of time I've really had to sit and evaluate the path that I was taking and whether it was the right one for me.

I lost an aunt to terminal cancer at the beginning of the month. And today I found out that another aunt that has breast cancer is in hospice.

Newbs and are officially over. I can tell you all this because we haven't spoken in over 2 weeks. He chose a very inappropriate time to disrespect me after we had a minor argument in my car. I love that man to pieces. But I refuse to let him think that he can treat me like shit to get his point across. If he was willing to let a good woman like me walk away because of his own cockiness and selfish pride than so be it.

I've moved on from him. I cried and so on. Then someone came around and has been treating me so well I can say that I believe that maybe newbs was a building block for my confidence. He wasn't the finishline, just a checkpoint.

Recently I've realized how many people I've let take advantage of my kindness. This revelation doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not going to continue to be who I am and always give 1000%. It just means that I now know what I honesty deserve and what I am too good to have to deal with.

Everyday is a challenge. And everyday I look forward to completing whatever task is at hand. Because I could be off way worse than I am.