Frustration and weakness?

Or the ordinariness of change…

The box of tissues

My constant companions these last two weeks. Not the painting table and the palette and some of the pieces from my last exhibition for courage. For this venture I have a box of tissues, a water glass, a warm quilt.

It wasn’t what I had in mind. I dreamt of an artist’s life. Painting every day, distractions set free like butterflies, a sense of well-being in every corner of the universe. Sure, there was transition. Letting go. A need to move into the future.

Instead of discovering the future, I’ve found seasonal flu. Seven long days of tissues and aches and fever and weakness. Then, just as the faint stirrings of creativity began to gather again, a secondary bronchitis. Add coughing to the list.

I know. People get sick. Terrible things happen. Flu and bronchitis aren’t them. This will pass. I’m trying to be patient, to recognize that change has its own order. But patience was never my long suit.

My easel calls. A new little painting, begun in September. A new project, and a new sense of purpose.

Soon.

What are you trying to be patient with?

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12 Responses to Frustration and weakness?

Maybe the question is Should you be trying to be patient? Let it go and see what happens. Transitions take longer internally than we want or expect. Maybe you are trying too hard to make the change from a different part of your brain busy life quickly. On the other hand maybe you are ready to start painting all day everyday and the sickness was just that and you are letting it frustrate you.
Who knows Laureen, these things are send to try us!

Since I turned 65, nearly two years ago, my health has gone into a downward spiral. Just one part of that is I can no longer see well enough to stitch or hook, which I truly miss, like you are missing your brush in hand. Thank goodness for my Kindle and its adjustable font size.
I don’t know what led me to this site today but after eleven days in the hospital and over three weeks on an I.V. I do know of what I speak. It is hard to make adjustments to things we took for granted for all our life. We are use to a body that allows us to do more not one that takes away what we do now.

I can certainly understand the patience part…and the illness…although through the eyes of a caregiver watching illness consume my beloved man day by day, a little bit at a time.

Each “lost” day creates an intense panic and unease and a very uncomfortable, very painful sense of life passing me by. He can’t breathe because his lungs are dying. I can’t breathe because my life is escaping me…

While I excel at giving advice, but not taking it…I promise, your time will come and you will soon be happily back to painting. Paint one for me, Laureen. I can’t wait to see it!

Some people have it much worse than I do, but that doesn’t diminish my anxiety. Haha!

I am VERY glad today that I do not have a virus. Hope you are feeling better and painting away.

Sometimes I think those frustrating moments where you can’t do what you want to be doing…due to illness, artist’s block or even a busy schedule make those times when you CAN create even more precious, don’t they?

And then the silly thing turned into pneumonia! I’ve been on antibiotics for a week and am much improved, if not completely fixed. But though this has been a time of coughing and feeb-ility, unexpectedly, it has also been a time of considering where I’m going and how to get there. I want to re-launch with renewed commitment.