Mob Boss Tries To Muscle In On Star Trek Movie

Florida mob boss Tito 'Da Big Titty' Tagliatelle may have bitten off more than he can chew this week when he paid a courtesy call on Spoof writer BuckwheatsButt. As is the norm with 'Da Big Titty' the call wasn't exactly straightforward. BuckwheatsButt takes up the story:

"He came to my house with a bunch of other guys and told me he was about to make me an offer that I wouldn't be able to refuse. He brought this skinny little guy along who was from Jersey City, kid named Frankie Sumatra or somesuch. It turns out he wants me to give this kid the part of Captain Kirk in Rob Reiner's movie production of our Spoof Star Trek collaboration. I duly gave 'Da Big Titty' the bum's rush, respectfully of course, and he went off in a huff, after about an hour and a huff."

But the story doesn't end there, as Buckwheat explains:

"The next morning when I woke up in the bed, there were damp patches, which upon closer investigation turned out to be blood. When I threw the sheets back I almost gagged as I saw a seahorse (Or it could have been one of those sea monkeys they used to sell mail order back in the day) lying there with its head cut off."

"Ole Buck went crazy at that point," Inspector Morse (investigating) told us. "He picked up the phone and told 'Da Big Titty' that if he wanted to play it rough, Buck would go right round there and bite his 'Big Titty' nipple off and stuff bird's eye chillis up his mafiosi ass."

Tagliatelle has not yet responded to this massive diss.

If he does, we'll be the first with the news.

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