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Sunday, January 29, 2017

What Gay Men Are Really Thinking In The Locker Room

Michael Sam made headline news when he shared a celebratory kiss with
his boyfriend after hearing that he was joining the St. Louis Rams.
With the rise in openly gay athletes participating in professional
sports, many people are wondering if gay athletes are more or less prone
to check out other athletes in the locker room. My answer?

Absolutely not!

The truth is,
all guys check other guys out — and it doesn’t have to be in a sexual
way. I’m not saying the ripped Adonis walking around the gym locker room
doesn’t get a few side-ways glances or kick start some bedroom
fantasies, but mostly we’re just looking at other guy’s manliness to see
how we stack up in comparison. And I’m not just talking about what’s
between his legs; pecs, abs, biceps, triceps, glutes, hair, and any
other part of the male anatomy are all fair game for looking.

“As men we’re
all born with a competitive, masculine drive, and are visual in nature,”
said Jos W. one of my gym mates. “It’s not uncommon for guys to cast
lingering glances at women, cars, food, you name it. When a guy checks
out another guy it’s more often for his own validation that he’s either
got work to do on his own body to look as good as the other guy, or to
assure himself that he’s rockin’ his body just fine.”

Men, like
women, are competitive about their bodies. Yet, for some reason, it’s
assumed that gay men are on the hunt 24/7, trying to bed every guy that
walks. It’s also assumed that locker rooms are prime hunting grounds for
gay men to poach heterosexual men.

Honestly, you
can get poached only if you’re willing. And even then, the antics you
hear about extracurricular activities in the men’s sauna, steam room,
and showers, really only happen in porn.

Granted, gay men will be gay
men, but let’s not assume that our libidos are more charged than our
heterosexual brothers, or that we can’t control our urges. It’s like
saying, “all straight guys undress women with their eyes.”

One of my
(straight) gym mates, Steve S. said it best, “if someone is threated or
feels insecure about another guy checking them out, then it’s their own
ignorance, insecurity, and arrogance getting in the way.”

This coming
from a devout Christian guy in his 50s who’s rocking a killer physique
ranking right up there with Ryan Reynolds. And, no I haven’t shagged
Steve; I’ve seen him in the locker rooms au naturel. As you can tell,
I’m a little bit jealous of what Steve’s got going on, which only proves
another perspective he shared. “Guys have an issue with lust. Whether
its flirting, intentional stares, making moves, or wishing you could
rock abs and pecs like his, guys have a tendency to forget about many
things and to forget there are boundaries.”

Gay, straight,
male or female, the boundaries conversation was a consistent theme with
the men I interviewed. Steve, M. a therapist from Sacramento, California
admitted he’d been hit upon a few times by gay men, but “those
encounters didn’t make me feel uncomfortable. I actually took it as a
compliment.

Of course I also immediately and graciously drew the
boundary lines concerning my own sexual orientation. I did this out of
respect, not protection. When boundary lines are clearly drawn, it’s
rare they’ll ever get crossed again.” Steve thus proves that life in the
locker room moves on, and that species of varying sexual orientation
can peacefully coexist.

This recurring
theme left me wondering why there is this misconception that gay men are
ready to pounce, at a moments notice, on the first good-looking guy
that gives them two seconds of a smile? Honestly, how different is a
lingering gaze on a man from a lingering gaze on a woman?

What I
discovered was that dealing with differences in sexual orientations
comes down to values, beliefs and maturity. “Having someone check you
out is a compliment,” said John M., an Irish transplant now living in
North Carolina. “In fact I take it as a compliment, not a threat, when
someone checks out my wife. Of course it took me years of blossoming
into a mature man to see things that way.”

All the guys
interviewed didn’t seem too concerned about guys checking them out. This
both surprised and didn’t surprise me. I was surprised because I
assumed, out of this group of guys most of whom I don’t really know very
well, I might have encountered some form of hostility or overt fear
towards homosexual men.

Yet, I was not surprised by the outcome because
it proved to me that when you don’t make your sexual orientation an
issue, it usually isn’t.

As my gym buddy
Steve S. said. “I don’t know what I don’t know. If a guy is checking me
out I have to trust he is simply looking my way, because I don’t know
anything else for sure until he makes a move.”