Whiting: Friendly cyclist's death raises doubts over sharing roads

Jan. 9, 2014

Updated March 14, 2015 5:17 p.m.

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Paulette Tomaino with her daughter Lisa Swider and 5-month-old grandson, Aiden, visit the memorial site where Tomaino's 82-year-old husband Pete was struck and killed by a car while riding his bike on Christmas Eve Day in Laguna Hills. MINDY SCHAUER, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Pete Tomaino starts another bike ride in August near his home in Laguna Hills. He rode 2,727 miles last year before being hit by a car Christmas Eve. DAVID WHITING, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Pete Tomaino hoists his bike in the air at Big Bear in about 2009. The avid cyclist died Christmas Eve Day at age 82 after getting struck by a car while riding. COURTESY OF TOMAINO FAMILY

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A framed picture of Pete Tomaino taken in Death Valley in about 2000 adorns the wall of his Laguna Hills home. He was killed while riding his bike on Christmas Eve Day. COURTESY OF TOMAINO FAMILY

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Paulette Tomaino, her daughter Lisa Swider and her 5-month-old grandson Aiden, visit the memorial site where Tomaino's 82-year-old husband Pete was struck and killed by a car while riding his bike on Christmas Eve Day in Laguna Hills. MINDY SCHAUER, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Paulette Tomaino, her daughter Lisa Swider and her 5-month-old grandson Aiden visit the memorial site where Tomaino's 82-year-old husband Pete was struck and killed by a car while riding his bike on Christmas Eve Day in Laguna Hills. MINDY SCHAUER, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Pete Tomaino checks out his bicycle before a ride in August. DAVID WHITING, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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Paulette Tomaino holds the flag that draped her husband casket while her daughter Lisa Swider holds a bicycling shirt worn by her dad, 82-year-old Pete Tomaino. Tomaino, an avid cyclist, was struck and killed by a car while riding his bike on Christmas Eve Day on Alcia and Paseo De Valencia in Laguna Hills. MINDY SCHAUER, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

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A good-luck glass ladybug adorns the bike that Pete Tomaino was riding when he was killed Christmas Eve Day in Laguna Hills. It was given to him by a family friend. MINDY SCHAUER, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

Paulette Tomaino with her daughter Lisa Swider and 5-month-old grandson, Aiden, visit the memorial site where Tomaino's 82-year-old husband Pete was struck and killed by a car while riding his bike on Christmas Eve Day in Laguna Hills.MINDY SCHAUER, ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

Pete Tomaino's emails to me often had one word in the subject field: “friendship,” sometimes two words, “true friendship.”

Every few months for more than six years, Pete called and emailed to arrange lunch, and over time three traditions grew. We split a salad. We argued over who was more of an outdoor stud, each of us saying it was the other guy. We promised to get together again.

On Thanksgiving, Pete called to wish me and my family a great holiday. On Christmas Eve, I called him to do the same. One hour after my phone call, Pete was hit by a car while riding his bicycle.

The 82-year-old I've called the toughest cyclist in Orange County never regained consciousness.

Weeks later, I still mourn my friend. But my grief is nothing compared to that of his wife or Pete's 30-year-old daughter.

With an average of one cycling death a month in our county, far too many mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, children share the shock and sadness of losing someone so violently while their loved one does something so peaceful as pedaling a bicycle.

After writing dozens of columns celebrating bicycling as well as warning about the dangers, I wonder if we should give up trying to share our roads.

But before we decide, let's get to know a man so loved that even the customers and employees at the doughnut shop Pete frequented cried when he died.

• • •

To know Pete, you only need to glance at his front yard.

The son of Italian immigrants, Pete served four years in the National Guard and cherished his country. By day, a white flagpole in his front yard in Laguna Hills always was topped with the Stars and Stripes.

Pete's service to country never waned. For decades, he bought his own equipment and served as a sheriff's mountain search and rescue volunteer, first in Los Angeles County and later in Orange County. But he was modest about his risk-taking to help others, and I had to pepper him with questions to learn details.

There was the time Pete was called in the dead of night to help save someone, the time he had to leave a movie theater mid-show, the times his employer – the technology company Unisys – gave him paid time off for rescues.

His missions included rapelling down a cliff, hiking through snow, hoisting one end of a makeshift litter down rugged paths at night.

When pressed for more information, Pete would always tell me, “Aw, no one cares about that stuff.”

But I did. And so did Pete. A hallway in his home papered with certificates of appreciation from several sheriffs testifies to well-deserved pride as well as service.

Still, it's a comment on a website posted after Pete's death that captures his true spirit. Nestled among a series of notes of gratitude is this one from Ann-Marie McClellan: “Pete will always have a special place in my heart and in the hearts of my children. We are regulars at his favorite hangout, Mission Donuts, and countless times he bought donuts for the kids.

“He was especially kind to my son, J.J., who has been through multiple heart surgeries. J.J. and Pete clicked, they understood each other. J.J. loved to pull up a chair and sit with Pete and talk.

“Pete, you will be so missed by us.”

• • •

In Pete's living room, I sit down with his wife, Paulette, and the couple's daughter, Lisa.

It's a day made bearable only by Pete's grandchild, Aiden. Five months old, Aiden is blissfully unaware of his grandfather's death and smiles, coos and giggles his way through the afternoon.

Even better, Aiden keeps sticking his tongue out at me.

But while the baby's presence tempers tragedy, there is no denying the pain in this once-happy home.

Paulette glances at her husband's search and rescue certificates and, sobbing, recalls the day the couple were introduced. He was 42. She was 26. “I was searching,” Pete told his future wife, “and you are my rescue.”

Nine months later, Pete asked Paulette to marry him. Nine months after that, they married. And after nine years, Lisa was born.

“He was so happy,” Paulette says of having a daughter, “he cried.”

Lisa recalls her father's passion for cycling and when he bought her a bicycle. They found a bike path, and the first thing out of her eager dad's mouth was, “Let's get going!”

After graduating from Laguna Hills High School, Lisa headed to Chicago, where she discovered her own passion – serving as a flight attendant. But with frequent flights, she was never far from home. And his daughter was never far from Pete's mind.

Over our years of lunches, Pete proudly shared his daughter's progress from flight attendant to earning a bachelor's degree in accounting, from marrying – Pete dreaded tuxedos but finally agreed to wear one while escorting Lisa down the aisle – to Aiden's first baby pictures.

• • •

Husband and wife were a team.

“He washed the outside windows,” Paulette shares, “I washed the inside. I'd put the stamp on the envelope and he'd lick the envelope.

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