The Etiquette of Love: 9 Steps to Make Your Relationship Blossom

Because almost everything we do, feel, and experience involves our significant others. We spend many of our waking hours in their company. When we are not with them, we are probably thinking about them. Research has shown that there is a correlation between the state of our relationship and our state of health. If our relationship is working, we are happy and focused. If things are not going well, we may struggle or fall apart. Surveys show that unhappy couples have a 35 percent higher health risk than those in more harmonious unions.

Our love bond with our parents determines our future behavior pattern in love relationships. It all starts when we are born and our survival depends on our parents and caretakers. If we are loved and nurtured, we grow up to be loving and nurturing adults, capable of developing and sustaining healthy love relationships. If we are neglected or abused, we have a rough road ahead of us.

It’s clear from the psychological model of needs—called the “hierarchy of needs” by Abraham Maslow—that when our basic needs for food, shelter, and safety are satisfied, we are ready to grow emotionally, intellectually, and psychologically. Our human body and brain are wired to find immediate necessities. As soon as we have some food in our stomachs and feel fairly safe and comfortable in our lives, we start thinking about other human beings.

Illustration: Hierarchy of Needs, by Abraham Maslow

Love can be measured in terms of passion, commitment, and intimacy. And there are different types of love relationships: romantic, fervent, comfortable, and committed. Is your partnership as strong and passionate as you’d like it to be? How best to keep your love growing and maturing? This list of Love Etiquette Tips will help you nurture and develop your relationship.

Be a good listener. Nothing extinguishes the flames of love more than feeling unappreciated and unheard.

Understand your partner’s personality type and keep it in mind when trying to communicate. For example, the way you should talk to a loved one with a creative mind is totally different from the way you would talk to someone with a more analytic bent.

Show respect and commitment at all stages of your relationship. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been married 10, 20, or 50 years, don’t assume that your spouse always knows how you feel. Make implicit things explicit!

Learn to give praise and acknowledge your partner. Remember, we also have esteem needs before we reach self-actualization—the highest level of achievement and development. The closer we bring our “real self” to the “ideal self,” the closer we get to completing our life journey!

Resolve your differences with respect and dignity for all regardless of the issue at hand. Consider inviting a third-party mediator for assistance.

Master your voice and tone when expressing questions or worries about your relationship. If you’re not careful, you may sound angry rather than concerned. Keep in mind that 38 percent of our message is conveyed through tone, 55 percent through body language, and only 7 percent by the words we choose.

Keep your relationship healthy by focusing on what is important. Don’t suffocate your love relationship with problems and demands. Successful partnerships thrive when people like each other as friends, know how to resolve issues constructively, and don’t hold grudges for years. Choose your battles wisely.

Show affection and appreciation by writing love-you, thank-you, miss-you, and need-you notes! According to the world’s leading psychologists, the need to feel needed and connected to others is the third strongest human instinct.

Allow your fun inner child to come out and play. Be creative in planning surprises and come up with novel ideas to keep your relationship fresh and exciting!

Following my Love Etiquette Tips will not guarantee that your marriage or love union will be saved, but they will inspire changes and growth in your relationship.

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Disclaimer:Opinions expressed in this post should not be interpreted as professional advice or recommendations. Seek the professional help of a clinical psychologist or family therapist when dealing with personal issues.

Comments

The article, Etiquette of Love: 9 Steps to Make Your Relationship Blossom, hopefully will be recognized as a Vitamin B12 shot to relationships that are borderline! I enjoyed this article very much because whether your relationship is in trouble or not, it is always good to take a breather from your busy schedules to refuel and think about why you either got married in the first place, or why you love the one you are with! Then, do something loving for that person that you haven't done before. Periodic reminders such as this are appreciated and I thank you, Lyudmila.

This reminder is the best:

"Allow your fun inner child to come out and play. Be creative in planning surprises and come up with novel ideas to keep your relationship fresh and exciting!" This is so true and I try to do this even more often as I age. There's nothing worse than a starchy, grumpy, always-complaining elder!

This reminder, "Show affection and appreciation by writing love-you, thank-you, miss-you, and need-you notes! According to the world’s leading psychologists, the need to feel needed and connected to others is the third strongest human instinct," I found to be so true and anyone who doesns't own this is in denial! No man is an island.

Lyudmila, here is an inspirational piece I believe your readers will enjoy:

LOVE

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the others, including love. One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So, all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, love decided it was time to leave.

She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere." Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, " Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?," Love asked. Knowledge smiled and, with deep wisdom and sincerity answered, "Because only “Time” is capable of understanding just how great Love is!"

[Always remember: “Love is, as love does!!”]

Thank you Lyudmila for helping people keep their civility and love connections. You are a wonderful resource for the world!

Posted @ Friday, September 02, 2011 1:42 PM
by Sheila E. Ballard

What an awesome comment! Thank you so much! Your observations open a new conversation what love has to do with sadness, vanity, age? I enjoyed it tremendously! With gratitude, Mila

Posted @ Saturday, September 03, 2011 8:51 AM
by Mila Bloch

This is really good and i liked the aspect of showing affection and appreciation. it feels nice and good to tell some one you love her and miss her then she replies back i love and miss you more. i like the points