Your Mom has two choices - Be a grown up and stand up for herself or let this GF walk all over her. Kids that age can be taught right from wrong. Climbers can get themselves in serious trouble - and need to be taught when it is ok (climbing structure/tree) and when it is not (disturbing people at the table)

My Cousin's little girl is a monkey. Em is 18 months or so. They have a dresser with a hutch that almost hits the ceiling of the room. Cousin left a screw driver on the top shelf out of Em's reach while she went to get something she needed.

She walked in and found that Em had scaled up the dresser, up the hutch, picked up the screw driver and was half way down. A couple of weekends ago, we turned around and Em had scaled a 4 foot high brick wall and was walking on it like a balance beam.

Em's Uncle (Also less than 2 yo) once climbed up on a counter opened the cupboard above, scaled the shelves, got his grandmother's High BP meds, got down, was found with some in his mouth - so had his stomach pumped. Aunt/great Aunt of both of these kids got lost at Criders one time - was found up a pole. (She was old enough to know better)

But while the stories are legend in the family - and laughed about outside of the kids hearing (We joked we needed them today to get Brett's remote control helicopter out of the tree), the kids are told NO. They are either distracted, removed, or put in time out depending on the age and level of understanding.

These stories made me laugh. UP A POLE!!! That's hysterical. This may be the proof of evolution that scientists have been looking for all this time!

While the little guy is doing something pretty normal for his age (mine does it too) his parents need to step up and actually, umm, parent. Climbing all over the dinner table isn't cool, especially when its covered in food. We are constantly plucking DS off the table and scolding him (oddly, at restaurants...he doesn't do this at home). He seems to thinks the scolding is part of the fun

I would be gentle with scolding him, but firm with your brother about getting control over the situation...and progressively firmer as needed.

There are people -- both parents and non-parents -- who think that being a non-parent disqualifies you from even having an opinion about children.

I don't think it's an automatic disqualification, but there are some instances that it applies. Mostly though, its particular people or opinions that it applies to, IMO, not just non-parents in general (example, one friend lecturing me on getting a kiddie-leash for my son. Umm, I know how much he wiggles and breaks out of my grasp, thanks, I'd like to reduce the chances of him breaking away in a parking lot or crowded store)

I just could not eat with a toddler crawling around or butt scooting on the dining table. It's not safe for the child, it's definately not hygenic for everyone else. I just can't imagine parents who think it's ok - in their own house, never mind when they are guests at someone else's house.

I definately would not allow it in my home. If I was a guest elsewhere and that happened, I would get up and leave, after nicely advising the host that I could not eat under those conditions.

I would have told her that she needs to keep the dining items on the table and keep her son off it. I don't think there's anything wrong with speaking up.

I let my kids climb on the table at off times in my own home, but I would clean the table before using it for food, and I would never have allowed them on anyone else's table. Ever. It wasn't difficult to get them to understand that, even at 2, and if it was, well it was my job to keep them from climbing up anyway. It was really difficult to keep them from climbing on tables, and I didn't want to have to be "on" to that extent constantly at my own home, but I was certainly going to remain on them continually at anyone else's house.

Well, 2yo's are the world's anarchists, so maybe your SIL just doesn't know HOW to stop him, etc. So she takes the easy way out.

I think it's perfectly fine to say, "SIL, it's messing things up to have Nephew getting into the stuff on the table. Why don't you take him in the other room and get him involved in his blocks, so that we can get the meal ready without worrying about him?" And offer any other sort of practical suggestions: "Maybe we can get Uncle to keep Nephew involved in something and out of the way?" And recruit that sort of help yourself without waiting for SIL: "George, would you come get Nephew, and take him in the other room and get him to play blocks with you? That would keep him out of the way while we get the table ready."

"Toddler Boy - please get off the table, now." (while lifting him off and putting him on the floor.)

"SIL - here are cleaning products to wipe down the table before you re-set it for our dinner. The cleaning products and the utensils are not child-safe so it's up to you to keep Toddler Boy away from them."

"Brother, your family needs some help in making sure our table is clean and set for dinner. Do you want to re-set the table or watch Toddler Boy?"

"We have to let him crawl on the table or he may not get into Harvard? Gee, that's too bad. How about you guys have some time to yourselves back at your house, and I'll drop some leftover holiday meal by later. I'm sure your table is childproofed, and with the table, utensils, food, and cleaning products here, it's not what Toddler Boy wants."

We clearly need to start getting more assertive with them. I think I have been wanting some magic phrase that will do the job but not ruffle GF's feathers but realistically I don't think one exists. She is just too easily ruffled and will take even the most benign of phrasing as a person attack. Unfortunately I think I am going to be on my own on this one as I don't see my mom joining in. They probably won't visit again until Easter so I have some time to build up my spine

Here's what I would do. Remove Nephew from the table and take him to his parents and say, "I'm trying to get dinner on the table and could use some help. GF, please keep Nephew out of the dining room. Brother, please clean and reset the table." Then I would return to the kitchen, leaving the parents to deal with the toddler. I would not leave the kitchen until I had dinner to place on the table. Chaos in the dining room? "Mom, Dad, why don't we just eat in the kitchen while the food is hot? GF and Brother, let us know when the dining room table is set and we'll join you."

If it was me (and this was not in my house) I would ignore it all until I was setting the table. Then I would set my foot down. Once the GF tried to return the dishes, I would return them to the table and then pick up nephew and return him to brother and say "I'm setting the table for dinner. Can you keep toddler off the table for the next 30 minutes? Thanks"

I would also fully set the table with all the dishes and knives and forks so the table was fully laid out and everything couldn't be moved off it easily. (Yes, that makes it more dangerous because the kid can grab things off the table-I generally do not fully set the table when the kids are little as they can be quick little grabbers, but in this case I would fully claim the entire table)

Also while you are setting the entire table you can return toddler to his parents and tell them that he needs to stay off the table and hammer that home.

I'll bet that GF would be the first person to call a lawyer and file suit if Toddler falls off the table or cuts himself with a knife or plate. If I was in your position, the minute GF started undermining my preparations, I'd take off my apron and say, "I can't be responsible for anything that happens here," and leave.

When DH and I first moved into our house, we had a couple with a 2yo come to dinner. The kid climbed onto our oak coffee table and started sucking on it. The mother said, "He's interested in different surfaces." I responded, "He's sucking in a mouthful of Old English - you'd better get him down." She huffed, but removed him. We never invited them again and, no matter how hard I tried, I never did get the circular mark off the table.

Right now, the GF is EXPECTING you to back down and let her kid do whatever he wants. Deep down inside of her, she has to know that isn't right. Or even if she's really dense, tell her and brother. "GF/brother, please keep nephew off the table. I'm trying to get dinner ready." So turn the tables on her and EXPECT her to behave in a decent way/get her kid to behave in a decent way. If he crawls on the table, return him to her and said (in a 'duh' type of voice) "He's CRAWLING on the table when we're trying to EAT. TAKE CARE of it."

It doesn't always work, but I've found that when kids/adults are EXPECTED to do something--even something that isn't in the norm for them--they will do that in order to not make waves or draw attention to themselves. So don't apologize for ANYTHING. What you are EXPECTING is socially acceptable behavior. There's nothing wrong with that.

If, by chance, she counters with 'but we let him crawl on the table at home', then you can respond that while it may be ok at their home, it's not ok here. Just like it wouldn't be ok in a restaurant or when having dinner with the queen. So please keep him off the table, because you're trying to get dinner ready. And if she'd like to get dinner ready while you corral nephew, that would be fine too.

And during dinner, make sure the kiddo has a place to sit, complete with a tray and some confinement, if possible (we had a traveling high chair with a tray that sat on a regular chair when our kids were little). Set it up between bro and the GF, and emphasize that it is his spot. Even Helen Keller had to learn to eat off her own plate when her new teacher came to live with her.

But again, EXPECT that the GF/bro will parent their child. Practice it; the looks, the responses, the tone. It CAN work.

Obviously, letting a toddler climb on the table while you're trying to set it or eat off it isn't OK, but I do have some sympathy for Brother and SIL. It's just not as easy as 'saying no' and the kid stops whatever thing you're wanting them to stop. It's pretty painful, sometimes, and I don't think they're horrible people for not wanting to deal with that on Christmas Day. Of course they're his parents and that's their responsibility, blah, blah, but I do understand.

It is in fact that easy, and not at all painful. Unless the parents make it that way.