The 5 Worst Kickstarter Ideas That Actually Got Funded

In a recent Does Not Compute, we discussed (well, I discussed AT you, which is by far my favorite way to interact) Kickstarter ideas so terrible, they failed to raise any money or attract a single backer. Shattered dreams = hilarious! I also plugged my own Kickstarter, which, now that I think about it, probably wasn't the best mental association I could have gone for.

As if that didn't fill your soul hole with enough cognitive dissonance, I've now decided to share with you ideas just as terrible that nevertheless were fully funded. These are the Kickstarter projects that made my friends and me say, "Well, surely we can do better than THAT." By the same token, if we fail, it will mean our idea is less appealing than ...

#5. Tentacle Bento: Finally, a Rape-Based Card Game

Tentacle Bento is an intuitive, easy-to-pick-up collectible card game that masterfully combines tentacle rape with you and your life and thoughts. BECOME the tentacle monster, as you rape your way through an all-girls school assembled expressly for the purpose! Ensure that the girls at school who never talk to you are now COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED! Please note, each pack of Ten Ben cards (not to be confused with Ben 10 cards) comes with a complimentary government tracker.

MADE: $30,000, and that's before Kickstarter suspended the campaign for being TOO SEXY.

#4. Osombie: You Already Know Everything About It

When you think about it for even a second and realize that a zombie version of a terrorist is still just a zombie, you'll quickly come to the conclusion that a movie called Osombie is just an exercise in clever titling, and a clumsy one at that. Is it Osombie or Ozombie? GET IT TOGETHER, GUYS. ZomBea Arthur is the clearly superior novelty film concept (I have doodles). Fortunately, the makers of this Kickstarter campaign didn't think about it for even a second, and they skipped right to raising money and pasting blood-splatter effects.

MADE: $28,000, and my undying envy.

#3. Titanoboa: A Snake Robot That Will Kill You

Seriously, Kickstarter needs to hire a battery of professional titlers. Here are 10 names for a robotic snake that are better than Titanoboa:

TITSanoboa

Hissbot 9000

RoboCobra

"Oh dear God, it's CRUSHING MEEEEEEeeeeee!"

TitsandNOBRA

The robot formerly known as "S.N.A.K.E."

Cockbot 9001

Fangsley

The Terrifying Truth Behind Robotic Snakes

S.N.A.K.E.

See?! There were like two good ones in there, and I'm barely even trying! Although I guess I shouldn't expect a lot of forward thinking from folks who'll donate money to the proposition that there aren't enough unfeeling 50-foot metal serpents in the world.