RachelWatch: All Your Base Are Belong to Nuts

Rachel led off with – good Lord – a politician showing a little dignity and respect. On his 85th birthday, the elder George Bush called for fair and respectful treatment of Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor.

But I guess he didn’t blow out all the candles on his cake, because the anti-Sotomayor campaign is now under the careful guidance of the same PR firm that brought you the Swift Boat ads.

Well, sure. You get a lot of sleaze value for your dollar with that firm. And you don’t have to worry about dumb old ethics.

I think the most amazing part of the segment is how oh-God-this-isn’t-funny-anymore embarrassed both Rachel and Chris Kofinis are on behalf of the Republicans.

I feel bad too, in a way – it has to be awful for thinking conservatives with the Limbots barging around and spewing knee-jerk fear and hatred.

But I’m all for it if it means we might eventually get ten or fifteen minutes where we can stop hearing about what a super-dilly-riffic President Ronald Reagan was. Hey, Republicans? Remember who let all the wingnuts into the big tent in the first place? The one who thought it would be just jim-dandy to tie conservative thinking to fundamentalist Evangelical zeal?

Now that they’re barging around and redecorating like they own the place, be sure to thank the Gipper for the new flaps.

Decision 1388

Rachel and the remarkable Richard Engel gave us an update on the election in Iran. As of showtime, both sides had declared victory, but the nation hadn’t yet exploded in to violence.

Unfortunately, it looks like concerns about the safety of student leaders were well founded. Reports over the weekend — some of the best coming from The Huffington Post and Twitter — have been disturbing.

Mr. Engel, you will be glad to know, is safe and back in the States.

Ms. Information

Rachel reported that the House passed a bill that would allow tobacco regulation by the FDA. The new bill requires cigarette companies to provide lists of their additives. I cannot wait for those. I’m guessing calcium, vitamin C, and unicorn tears.

The FDA would also set acceptable levels of nicotine, which for some reason enraged Representative Steve Buyer (R – Indiana). Finally, someone speaks up for nicotine!

Buyer gave a confusing speech about how smoking lettuce would be just as bad for you as smoking tobacco. His point was that “it’s not the nicotine that kills,” it’s the smoke.

Yes. Nicotine is so harmless that if you soak cigarette butts in water, you can mist that water on your plants to kill aphids. Totally fine!

And, of course, there are all those chemicals in lettuce that are just as addictive as nicotine. That’s why teenagers are always hanging around outside of farmers’ markets trying to get you to buy them some.

For some reason I always feel heartened to learn that Rachel wastes time on the internets. On Friday she spent a lot of time watching video shot from inside the cockpits of the Blue Angels.

Sounds like someone’s been hitting the romaine.

Put a Kirk in It

Congressman Mark Kirk (R – Illinois) took it upon himself to go to China and, in the name of fiscal responsibility, tell our biggest creditor not to trust our finances.

If it becomes less appealing for China to loan us money, the U.S. will of course have to accept higher interest rates.

Congressman Kirk is also available to help you negotiate your next car purchase or as a wingman for singles events.

GOP in Exile

Rachel was saddened to inform us that Congressman John Boehner (R – Ohio) is even worse at choosing metaphors than we had previously thought, saying that the Republican party “took it in the shorts” in the last election.

I am going to take the high road here and assume that he meant the Democrats produced better 3–5 minute Internet video content than the Republicans did.

I have spent far too many hours scrubbing the horrific mental images produced by other potential interpretations out of my brain, and I’m a little fragile right now. Please, just let me believe he’s talking about short video content.

Moment of Geek

God, do I love this feature.

Rachel got to geek out hard withBill Nye, The Science Guy about clouds, and whether we have identified a new kind. (Spoiler: It’s oobleck.)