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11.28.2011

several people spotted my name sticker in the double braided scarf tutorial and noticed that it said some extra stuff. kudos to you, the hawk-eyed. i myself LOVE to look for background/unintended objects in the pictures that people post online, so it seems i am in good company.

here's the pic:

and here is a close up of the name tag:

keight dukes

(not my usual eye)

this was the name tag i wore at jesse's 10 year high school reunion. jesse felt the need to be class president his senior year, so there was no escaping attending this awk-fest as he was in charge of getting it planned (luckily a few amazing chicas stepped up to do the planning RIGHT or we would have just all met up at chickfila or something).

my only goal was to at least live up to the promise of 2001's jesse, who was voted mr. best-all-around and expected to do great things--aka a hot wife-- in his adult life.

fun fact: my friend natalie, who attended high school with jesse, told me that some girls used to sport the W.W.J.D. bracelets (what would jesus do), but that for their purposes, the acronym meant, "we want jesse dukes."

so i wanted to do the best i could with my post-babies/lazy-tending self. if i couldn't get, "oh jesse's wife is HOT," i wanted to at least avoid, "oh, that doesnt add up. she had to have tricked him into getting her pregnant or something."

instead, the unexpected third option presented itself as, "what the hell is wrong with your eye?"

yes, i got one of these. (and i am nervous that i have freakish eyebrows or something all of a sudden and now they're close up on the internet)

they are officially called subconjunctival hemmorages. but i have always called them "strawberry eye jam."

they are harmless and show up for no reason (though vigorous coughing, lifting or vomiting can cause them...i was doing none of those). i was sitting at work on the friday before the reunion and i got up to go to the bathroom. my coworker goes, "you have something on your eye." i thought she meant like mascara or a pen mark. i went and looked in the mirror and was horrified.

the funny thing is, i have seen people get these before and i am always so judge-y and overly grossed out. even though i know it's not anyone's fault, i have always secretly thought, "sick! you look like a violent minotaur. just do everyone a favor and stay inside until that mess gets better because you are offending my soul walking around like that."

so, perfect. i get my first ocular dollop of strawberry jam in my life the day before i need to look super hot to justify having this smoking-fine, talented, amazing man of a husband.

i think i feared they might annul our marriage at this reunion if i was found to be lacking.

so when we arrived, i had to be insecure girl who beats everyone to the critical punch:

jesse: hi former classmate, this is my wife, keight.

classmate: hi, nice to meet you.

keight: my eye isnt normally like this. i'm not a devil rage-a-holic or anything like that. this isnt stigmata. it will go away in time. nice to meet you. i'm totally normal.

i got tired of this after about 4 rounds and so i just amended my name tag to include this fun fact. psychotic, i know.

most folks noticed the name tag way more than the eye. the lights were dim and i wore a dress that was the exact same color as the jam so that it could just maybe be some lint or thread that had gotten away from the mothership and curled up in my eye white. so many people said, "oh i would have never noticed." that's what i would have said too while thinking, "sick! dont point that thing at me!"

nobody questioned my union with jesse or declared me unfit in the category of hotness to be his wife.

so yeah, i must have made a pretty awesome and totally normal impression. though that might have been because i made jesse ask all the pregnant attendees to give him their drink tickets so i could have more wine. i was voted "wittiest" and "life of the party" in my senior class, not "most mature" and "classiest." so i am living up to and surpassing a whole different set of expectations.

Umm, I laughed out loud (and I refuse to use the acronym). You could be my hot wife any day. ... if either of us rolled that way. Which we don't. So... yeah.

I totally feel the same way about my husband/self! We live in the {small} town that he grew up in, and whenever we run into an old classmate of his, I'm inwardly mortified. Poor fellow. I must have a great personality.