Thriving or Surviving? The Recipe for a Happy Marriage

By Dr. Jeff Kane

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What is the recipe for a happy marriage? Lots of talking and amazing sex? That’s a great start. Isn’t it great when you feel fulfilled in your marriage? Everything else just seems to fall in line. You are able to manage your work better and parenting is much easier when you are on the “same page.” So why is it often a challenge to have a “happy” marriage? It really starts with the way you and your spouse perceive what happiness looks like. Let’s walk down “happiness lane” and explore the recipe for a happy marriage.

Ingredient #1: Listen to your loved one’s needs

Being self-centered in a marriage is a set-up for failure. Are you being selfish in your marriage? When you make choices in your relationship are you mainly focused on what works out in your favor? It can’t just be about you. If you are single it’s completely different but in a marriage it must be a 2-way street. The recipe for a happy marriage is a person’s willingness to be a “giver.”

Ingredient #2: Know what makes your spouse happy

How can you create a happy marriage if you don’t know what truly makes your spouse happy? If you don’t know, then ask. I have always found it interesting how couples forget to ask what happiness looks like to their loved one and then wonder why their relationship is not fulfilling. Once you have a picture in your mind of what happiness looks like everything will become much easier. Getting the right information is much better than trying to guess or be a mind reader!

Ingredient #3: Be authentic

Are you “faking it” just to make your loved one happy? Faking it will destroy your marriage. If your spouse can’t accept the real you then something is wrong. Often, couples do not create “space” in their relationship so they can be their “raw” self. Listen to your voice and share it with your loved one!

Ingredient #4: Have fun

How can you have a happy marriage if you are not having fun? Sit down with your love one and create your TOP 10 list for what you enjoy the most. Make time on a weekly basis to have fun. Laughing together will grow your relationship and bring you closer.

Ingredient #5: Be sexy and have sex!

The feeling of “being” sexy is related to “feeling” sexy. If you don’t feel sexy find out what steps you need to take to make this happen. Acting sexy will keep the “spark” alive in your relationship. Great sex is related to how you feel about yourself and how you feel about your spouse. If one is out of balance your sex life will breakdown.

If you would like to find your recipe for a happy relationship join us each month for our free webinar series. It’s a great way to keep your love alive in your relationship!

About author

Dr. Jeff Kane is a Doctor in Marriage and Family Therapy and the founder of Relationships Unscripted. Over the past 20 years he has helped couples re-ignite their spark, passion and have great sex in their relationships. Learn more about the couples coaching programs,free webinars and Ask Dr. Jeff your burning relationship questions at RelationshipsUnscripted.com.

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