Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Still Here

I thought I'd post a short entry. I want to thank everyone for your comments. They were thoughtful and caring and right on the money.I followed every suggestion and have signed up for various message lists including a gratitude list, affirmation groups, etc...

I'm glad no one told me I just need to think positive. It's hard to think positive when ill and having neurological issues. Actually, here's a positive thought: "I'm positive that I'm very ill."

When I feel a little better I'm going to write about a post an article on the dangers of the positive thinking (when its extreme).

The truth is I'm using every tool available to deal with all of this.

And to Vanessa who came over on Saturday and a new friend who called me out of concern Thursday-thank you for your support, concern, and validation. It really helped me clarify and solidify things.

I've been feeling very ill since a week ago Monday. I don't know if its another virus or a flare up or what. I've been reading other people's blogs as well as a thread on lymenet and find it rather fascinating how many of us are suffering from a flare. I wonder why.

I have a return of night sweats as well as terrible sweating throughout the day. I get a bout of chills but only on one part of my body then it will move to another part. For example my calf will get the chills, then later it might be my thigh etc...It's quite strange. I'm going through two t-shirts per day.

The sweating could be do to five things: 1) viral infection 2) bacterial infection 2) babesia 3) decline in autonomic nervous system functioning 4) messed up hormones, and/or 5) detox (maybe the methylation protocol is starting to kick in?).

I'm so fatigued it's making me dizzy and faint at times. It really feels like a virus.

Yesterday I had my brain PET Scan. On Sunday I was supposed to eat a high protein diet consisting of absolutely no sugar, milk, fruits, veggies, carbohydrates. I basically ate nuts and a little turkey.

I hope to get the results soon. The one good thing about this level of fatigue was that I had little energy to get nervous.

Saturday evening our kitty had a mild seizure.

To sum it all up. I feel bad physically and still having a rough time emotionally but I really think its this latest virus is doing a number on me.

9 comments:

These viruses, on one top of the other, when we already have compromised immune systems, are so hard to cope with. {hug} I just posted more updates too. www.InfertilityMom.blogspot.com. Thinking positive only goes so far, you have to face reality too. Loved your "positevly sick" statement. ;)

Even when you are feeling at your worst you still find time to support others online. How amazing is that?

Sometimes I get the 'perfect storm' of causes that make my thermostat malfunction. I can relate to most of what you put here. I'm usually either hot or cold, no in between. I blame hormones and CFS. If I have a virus on top of that it's a nightmare.

I like your "positive I am ill" statement! We have a prime example of that with Joel's mom who is 92 and is an avid watcher of JOel Osteen...she told Joel he just has to believe he will get well and be positive about it and he will get well. We don't argue with a 82 yr old, but she is not the only one who has spoken to us this way. Also, I have had people tell me that to express my negative feelings about being ill is drawing more illness into my life. Expressing where we are at does not mean we live there all the time. We need balance, not denial. I really like what you are saying about using every tool available for us....

Terri, it does sound like a virus. When I get the inner shakes now and sweats I can pretty much put money in the bank that it's either a virus or a bladder infection. Trying to figure it out is the hardest part, isn't it?:-)

Rest and let yourself get through this period.

And yes, you're right. A lot of us seem to be struggling extra right now. You're the best! I always look for your new entries. Your blog helps keep me going. Thank you for that.

(As for the 'positive thinking solves all' people, I'm training my dog to attack at the sound of those words:-)

Your night sweats (and day sweats) plus fatigue sound like you could have Babesia - one of the Lyme Disease co-infections. It is a protozoan infection like Malaria. Have you been treated for Babesia? There are no good tests - it should be a clinical diagnosis. Best of luck.

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I first became ill in July of 2007. Or at least that's when I started having symptoms that I couldn’t explain away with being too busy, too stressed, not eating enough, not getting enough rest, etc.
In August I passed out while eating in a restaurant. In September I remember climbing some stairs while visiting a museum in SF and feeling a sense of profound fatigue. As I climbed the stairs I thought to myself "it's as if my cells aren't getting enough oxygen"and for a minute worried I might have some sort of leukemia. During lunch I literally had to put my head down to sleep.
By the end of December of 2007 I was housebound due to dizziness, fatigue, cognitive impairment and a myriad of other symptoms.
I'd completed my dissertation in 2006 and awarded my PhD in Jan 07. I'd always been active, athletic, driven.
Imagine my surprise when this all happened. It's been a life changer.
This illness is not for the faint of heart. 20% of people with cfids commit suicide. It's a fact. The illness is that devastating. I used to believe that cancer was the worst thing one could have. I no longer believe that.
Luckily I plan on getting as well as I can with the right help