Do All Men Cheat and Why Do They Cheat on Their Loved One?

Every man cheats. This seems to be the common assumption in our minds, especially ladies. Men are not trustworthy, they are easily tempted, and they have commitment issues.

Say your husband often comes home late and explains as “I have to work”, or you catch your boyfriend looking at some other girl’s profiles, do you associate these actions with cheating?

Yes, men do cheat but not all of them. (And women do cheat too) And it’s not always because they don’t love their significant others anymore. So why do guys cheat? There are more reasons as to why they cheat on their loved once.

The reasons why men cheat may come as a surprise.

Before I explain anything, you must understand that relationships and emotional feelings are psychological drives. There’s a constant vibration of hormones or chemical substances within the body when the opposite sex is close by, and often it is unfortunate that women around men isn’t their loved ones. However, this doesn’t stop those chemical vibrations within the body. So what happens next? They are tempted. And of course, they may cheat if tempted beyond their capabilities.

While today’s research confirms an estimate of 25-75% of married men cheating on their loved ones, it reveals that not all men cheat. It also exposes hidden facts about the reasons why men engage in this act of infidelity. Most of these reasons may shock you and here are some psychological evidences to explain the reasons you thought why men cheat.

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1. Some men actually cheat to save their marriages.

Many people believes most cheating men are unhappy with their marriages, but this is just a myth. A study by Rutgers University reveals almost 56% of cheating men claims to be happy with their marriages, and in fact, they aren’t looking for a way to opt out of it or will they allow anything to threaten their marriages.

Because most men have challenges solving their relationship problems, they believe another woman may just satisfy their thirst for sexual urge so they go for it. They feel they can live happily with their wives, without longing for anything that displeases her; but they simply leave the real issue unaddressed.

2. They lack discipline but they still love their wives.

You may be wrong if you believe men cheats because they don’t love their wives. Cheating has nothing to do with love. In fact, it has everything to do with discipline. It’s not love that stimulates hormonal vibrations within the body, but sight and touch do. It takes discipline and self-control for a man to overcome the alluring beauty, soft touch and romantic voice of his colleague or female friend. These, of course, must initiate the chemical substances within his body and makes him want to make advancements just to calm this urge down.

3. Most of them cheat because they are sexually active.

I believe you understand what I mean. A common infidelity incidence with my age-long friend Amanda reveals that sexually active men who gains praises from their wives for their sexual strength believes as long as they can satisfy their wives and act normal at home, it doesn’t matter if they cheat, and of course, it won’t cause a problem with their marriages either.

“Despite all the information about his cheating habit, I was waiting for a time he’ll tell me he can’t have a time with me or he is too tired to make love to me to confirm he was actually cheating, but that time was forever,” said Amanda. If you’re actually waiting for him to show you the signs like Amanda, unfortunately, you may just wait forever.

4. They don’t want to be over-demanding for sex.

Tonny once told me, “Lily, sometimes I don’t just want my wife to think I’m overly demanding for sex, so I take a chance out.” But what Tonny never told me is if his wife actually complained about his sex habits. That’s what I guessed though!

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Most men don’t want their wives to find out their weaknesses and use against them. They cheat because they want to avoid being helpless when their wives takes advantage of their weaknesses.

5. Being overly confident of a relationship can lead to cheating too.

Have you ever said to someone you won’t leave them no matter what? So what happened next? I guess he was the one who cheated on you?

Jim was a childhood friend who I spent most of my times with until after our college years. I said secret prayers everyday for God to give him the courage to walk up to me and say these three golden words — I love you. Have you had such feelings before? Have you been so tempted as a woman to the point where the only thing stopping you from taking the initiative to confess your love for him is just your feminine ego? Yes, that was me.

You can imagine the joy when he finally walked up to me and said secretly…Lily, I love you. I felt butterflies hovering all over the inside of me and I could not hold my confession back. The feelings were so strong that I couldn’t think of a future without Jim. But my over-confidence made him took away the love I prayed secretly for. Even when I caught him cheating, it took him a long time to apologize because he felt I can’t do anything. I waited for him…I was waiting just for his apologies and rushing back into his arms.

But it was too late, we both lost the love we nursed from childhood because of our over-confidence.

When you look at infidelity, it’s a serious problem that can tear beautiful relationships apart in just a moment, and once this betrayal of trust is noticed, it could hardly be built back. So, it is very important to know when a man is cheating on you.

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So, how can I spot a cheating man?

Understand the cheating phenomenon

You need to understand showers of love and cheers don’t mean he isn’t a cheat. When men cheat, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They simply lack self-discipline or control.

Stop looking for signs or waiting for his misbehavior

Most cheating men aren’t spotted because what we believe as the reasons for cheating are just myths. One of the surest ways to save your marriage is to understand the cheating phenomenon. The subject of cheating is to be studied and understood and not merely looking for signs or misbehavior. One major problem with spotting cheating men is, “you can hardly get them when they already know you’re looking for misbehavior and or faulty signs because they are smart”.

But, what can I do about this?

You must first change the mindset that a cheating man doesn’t love you.

Because he does really and truly love you. Learn to understand the psychology of cheating and endeavors to play your role as a woman to both being friendly and accommodating.

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Take responsibility for your contributions in his cheating habit fast and make things right.

No one is beyond redemption especially if you love them so, you must learn to forgive when they sincerely apologize for their misdeeds.

Expect him to change but not so fast.

He will not become a saint at dawn and along the way you have a big role to play in rehabilitating him but keeping your eyes open for changes along the process.

Finally, know when to walk away.

If he doesn’t change after all your efforts, understand it’s time to move on because you deserve to be happy and loved.

1. J.K. Rowling

A few short years after her graduation from college, her worst nightmares were realized. In her words,

“I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”

Coming out of this failure stronger and more determined was the key to her success.

2. Steve Jobs

The now revolutionary Applestarted off with two men in a garage. Years later we all know it as a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees.

Yet, almost unbelievably, Steve Jobs was fired from the very company he began.

The dismissal made him realize that his passion for his work exceeded the disappointment of failure. Further ventures such as NeXT and Pixar eventually led Jobs back to the CEO position at Apple. Jobs said in 2005:

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.”

Lost your job today? Keep kicking and you could be just like this guy!

3. Bill Gates

Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout. He co-owned a business called Traf-O-Data, which was a true failure.[2]

However, skill and a passion for computer programming turned this failure into the pioneer of famous software company Microsoft, and the then 31-year-old into the world’s youngest self-made billionaire.

In his own words:

“It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”

This isn’t to say that dropping out of Harvard will make you into a billionaire, but maybe that shiny degree isn’t worth as much as the drive and passion to succeed.

4. Albert Einstein

The word ‘Einstein’ is associated with intelligence and synonymous with genius. Yet it is a famous fact that the pioneer of the theory of general relativity, Albert Einstein himself, could not speak fluently until the age of nine. His rebellious nature led to expulsion from school, and he was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.

His earlier setbacks did not stop him from winning the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1921. After all, he believed that:

“Success is failure in progress.”

To this day, his research has influenced various aspects of life including culture, religion, art, and even late night TV.

Just because you haven’t achieved anything great yet, doesn’t mean you can’t be an Einstein yourself.

5. Abraham Lincoln

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Failing in business in 1831, suffering a nervous breakdown in 1836, defeated in his run for president in 1856, Abraham Lincoln was no stranger to rejection and failure. Rather than taking these signs as a motivation for surrender, he refused to stop trying his best.

In this great man’s words:

“My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”

Lincoln was elected in 1861 as the 16th President of the United States of America.

The amount of rejection you receive is not a defining factor. Success is still within your reach.

6. Michael Jordan

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

This quote by retired basketball legend Michael Jordan in a Nike advertisement speaks for itself.

It would be an easy misconception that Jordan’s basketball skills revolve around natural talent. In fact, in his earlier years, basketball coaches had trouble looking past the fact that Jordan didn’t reach the minimum height. It was years of effort, practice, and failure that made the star we know today.

7. Steven Spielberg

Regarded as one of the most influential filmmakers of all time, Steven Spielberg is a familiar household name. It is surprising to realize therefore that the genius behind Jaws and E.T. had poor grades in high school, getting him rejected from the University of Southern California three times.

While he was in college, he caught the eye of executives at Universal, who signed him as a television director in 1969. This meant that he would not finish his college degree for another 33 years.

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Perseverance and acceptance of failure is the key to success, after all.

“Even though I get older, what I do never gets old, and that’s what I think keeps me hungry.”

Bad grades in high school aside, there is no questioning the genius involved.

To date, Spielberg has directed 51 films and has been awarded three Oscars.

8. Walt Disney

Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney dropped out of school at a young age in a failed attempt at joining the army.[3] One of his earlier ventures, Laugh-o-Gram Studios, went bankrupt due to his lack of ability to run a successful business. He was once fired from a Missouri newspaper for “not being creative enough.”

Yet today, The genius behind Disney studios is responsible for generations of childhood memories and dreams. From Snow White to Frozen, Disney will continue to entertain the world for generations to come.

The logic behind this is simple:

“We don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

9. Vincent Van Gogh

During his lifetime, Vincent Van Gogh suffered mental illness, failed relationships, and committed suicide at the age of 37.

He only ever sold one painting in his life, pinning him a failure as an artist. However that did not put a damper on his enthusiasm and passion for art.

He would never know that years and years after his death he would become known as a key figure in the world of post-impressionism, and ultimately, one of the greatest artist that ever lived.

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He would never know that he became a hot topic in art classes and his image was going to be used in TV, books and other forms of popular culture.

In the words of this great, but tragic man:

“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

10. Stephen King

As a paranoid, troubled child, tormented by nightmares and raised in poverty, it is no surprise that Stephen King grew up to the title: “Master of Horror”.[4]

An addiction to drugs and alcohol were his mechanisms to cope with the unhappiness he felt with his life. The frustration he felt towards multiple rejections by publishers in combination with illicit substances caused him to mentally contemplate violence towards his own children.

These intense emotions were those that he focused onto his writing. And that’s why he said:

“We make up horros to help us cope with the real ones.”

Writing became his new coping mechanism, and this is how the master author we know today grew to success.

Fail more often in order to succeed

Like Albert Einstein said, failure really is just success in progress. If you’d rather not to fail, you will probably never succeed.

Success comes from moments of frustrations when you’ll be most uncomfortable with. But after you’ve gone through all those bitter times, you’ll become stronger and you’ll get closer to success.

Don’t be afraid to fail. In fact, start failing, and start failing often; that’s how you will succeed.