As of right now I am struggling with my own sexual identity. I am attracted to women, however every once in a while I get these strange urges. What happens is that I dress up in my sister's clothes and then masturbate while looking in the mirror(I know this is strange). Otherwise I am completely heterosexual and I am not attracted to men at all. After ejaculation the urge completely subsides, and I am disgusted by what I have done. I have this desire to exploit my body in a feminine way... What am I? Please respond...

Hi T man, glad to see that you found the site. As this is your first post, I don't want to give a openion on what you are. But I will give some examples. My older brother who as far as I know was never a SA suvivor is a straight cross dresser. There are both straight and gay cross dressers. The other example is me. I was raped at 11 in 1968. When I started masturbating a few years later I went through a short period of dressing up in a old dress when masturbating. I also went through periods of doing other things, like being a Peeping Tom (Peeping at my mother), this stopped when my little brother caught me at it.

One of my advantages in all this is that besides being old, I have also been a real soldier. ArmyAirborne, Vietnam.

Guess as I post on the CD issue, well who cares.

Most "Crossdressers" are 100% straight and doenjoy exploring their Fem side. Those that go further are often gay. Many are asexual.

A few fetish issues also linger, but men do such when alone. I mean "real men".

Take comfort in that. Wearing a dress or other stuff does not make you a gay man nor will itcause you to sing show tunes or become a pervert.

I recall one of our Brit Moderators noted a few good points.

Be cool and go with the flow, I do not recommend using other folks clothes but perhaps that is all you can access.

Never, never steal such as you could get a low level "sex offender" rap. Lots of "support groups" and most all are actually allied with national groups.

As usual: ask me anything.

Joesexual games and experimentation are a part pof life. So, relax. You should not feel any guilt or doubts, as you are just searching. Believe me if I showed up at an Army reunion in a dress, few would say anything, hope this helps, I know that it hurts but humor is also a healer.

Wait a minute, Joe, what's wrong with singing show tunes? I love to sing show tunes and sometimes I wear nothing at all! (I do that alone, too, 'cause it ain't pretty.)

T-man, my advice, and as always I urge you to take any advice I give with a grain of salt...my advice is to be very slow in judging yourself about things having to do with sexuality. As you read more and more here, you will find that SA has really messed a good many of us up on sexuality issues, myself included. It seems to be one of the most complicated of the issues connected with our SA. I used to knock myself around about some things I did sexually until I started reading here and learned that I was not all that unusual...other guys didn't have the same issues, but had issues. As a result, I sort of laid back and relaxed about it and now treat it as a part of this whole thing that will work itself out as the rest of my SA is resolved. Of course, it doesn't mean that it's not there...just that I don't have the "Oh, my god, what kind of pervert must I be?" syndrome. I know that I am normal and that someone has done some terrible things to me that sort of gave me short circuits in lots of different places. As long as it's just you and you're not worried about being dangerous to yourself or someone else, just "go with it" for awhile. You can talk about it here. No one here will ever judge you and maybe talking about it will help you sort out your feelings. It sure has helped me understand me a little better. Be sure to stick around here and read. You'll discover how really okay and normal you are and how well you've done with what has happened to you in your life. It will make a big difference in how you face your future. Bobby

The only advice I can give, after years of wrestling with this crap, is to first, last, and always love yourself no matter what way you express yourself sexually. The more you love and respect yourself, the less powerful the pull will be toward behaviors you don't want. Why does it work? I have no idea.

Personally, I think the way I grew up made me equate sex with extreme shame, among other things. And somehow this got jumbled up so that doing something that made me feel ashamed added to whatever arousal I experience. So at times I've actually sought out shame-producing experiences because of the way my brain is cross-wired to tell me that shame=sex.

Whatever. At the end of the day I have to say to myself that none of it matters. Whatever desires I have, whether I've acted on them or not, have no bearing on who I am as a person. I am an honest and decent person who does nothing to hurt others and tries to help when I can. That's the person I am. I'm worthy of being loved and I love myself no matter what.

wow, great topic. As I am new here I feel a little shy, but I love to dress up, I think self acceptance and love are so important as I search for idenity and truth. I also feel lucky to have such great support in my wife and friends that comes with honesty.

I think that you will discover, if you take the time to do a little research on the Internet, that what you are feeling isn't all that unusual. All that you have to do is to read some reliable surveys of different men and you will see the plethura of desires, behaviors, fetishes, and activities that they would NEVER disclose in public.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that as long as what you do is not hurting anyone including yourself, then is it "abnormal"? What is "normal"? Actually, I hate that word because it is such an ambiguous term. What is "normal" in our society may be completely weird to another.

I think that the more important thing is to remember to love yourself for who and what you are - right now, at this time and place in your life. the more we accept ourselves, the less stress we put on ourselves. The more you try to fight something rather than accept it for what it is, the more difficult a time you will have.

Our culture loves to label people... we like to put everything and everyone into nice, neat, little cubicles so that there is "order" in life. So when someone or something doesn't fit this nice, neat scheme, we tend to get afraid... some get afraid to the point of prejudice and harming those who are different.

In Eastern cultures such as Japan and China, they rejoice and celebrate the individuality of each person.... they are comfortable with differences. Maybe we could learn a little of this from our brothers and sisters.

I hope I haven't babbled too much and that I made a little bit of sense

SD

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There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

Personally, I think the way I grew up made me equate sex with extreme shame, among other things. And somehow this got jumbled up so that doing something that made me feel ashamed added to whatever arousal I experience. So at times I've actually sought out shame-producing experiences because of the way my brain is cross-wired to tell me that shame=sex.

"shame = sex"That's a powerful thing that Dan mentions, and something I think is very important for survivors to deal with.

There are probably millions of X-dressers out there who just go ahead and enjoy what they're doing, and do no harm to anyone along the way, many people have fetishes and embrace them.

The problem we face is, or I think can be, very different.We suffered a degrading experience at a very formitive time, it became ingrained into our personalities that we were 'shit' and therefore we were expected to behave like 'shit' - so we did.

So could X-dressing be another part of that?I think so, nobody here has mentioned that they go all the way as a transvetite or trans-sexual would and wear all the clothes, wig, make up etc.All the talk so far is that we use certain items of clothing, underwear mainly I guess, when masturbating.That's a secretive action and behaviour, there's no pretence of dressing up for someone else to see, so "why do it?"

Is it the thought of the humiliation that would surely follow getting caught?"shame = sex"

Dave

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Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.Henry David Thoreau

Seems I read that some do go as far as say a dress, wigs, bras, etc. That still equates both cross dressing and gay transexual behaviours.

Was there once another thread on crossdressing?

I started dressing like a girl in response to my SA. It was asexual as it was first with the girls, then more of a pattern of private behaviour. As I developed a gay life style I had no doubts that I played as a TV for emotional reasons. I met a few straight crossdressers at gay clubs. We shared more than ideas on dressing. It was to energy intensive to keep it up, etc,,

Many of both orientations did not like being treated as a "male", all I knew it was "comfortable" emotionally. I grew out of doing it rapidly as I aged. Figured if I could not "pass" it was time to move on. The desires remained. It was also asexual behaviour. I never cruised whilein drag.

The "shame" word was a bell ringing in my ears for decades. So SA left me with many sexual items I would not do or allow to be done to me. I did notdo sexual things while in a dress; I was hiding from the "threat" I guess. Always afraid to be a boy, then a young man, etc..

This discussion opens doors into minds.

Rocky in the Mountains

When I sing Show Tunes it is always the songs sung by men. I get chills visualizing me singing such as "I enjoy being a girl" and love South Pacific and Showboat. So now a little Gilbert & Sullivan?

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