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Thursday, July 25, 2013

A little humor to brighten your day!

I had to share a (promotional) email I rec'd today from my favorite author Mr. Dean Koontz. After reading this, I'm sure you'll understand why he is by far my most favorite author and continues to be my greatest inspiration.

Prepare to be entertained!

DEAR READERS,

I want to thank all of my readers for their loyalty, superb taste, high intelligence, profound wisdom, kind-hearted nature, fabulous sense of humor, and cutting-edge style. I need to thank you as well for your offers to dog-sit Anna, to assault writers perceived to be my competition (I'm working on a list), to do a David Copperfield on certain film producers and make them "disappear."

Thank you for offering to let me ghostwrite the true story of your grandfather's [grandmother's, father's, mother's, weird uncle's] experiences (1) being abducted multiple times by space aliens with proctological intentions and cold six-finger hands, (2) being trapped in an elevator for nine hours with a bag full of delicious deli food but also with Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his megaphone, (3) being the diligent and proud collector of hundreds of strange vegetables that highly resemble famous musicians (or parts of their anatomy) in the Rock-and-Roll Hall of Fame.

Many thanks to one generous reader for his offer to share half of a 60-million-dollar Nigerian fortune in return for just all my personal financial information, $63,212 that he needed for legal fees to collect his inheritance, and a box of Three Musketeers to eat while counting the money that he soon will be sending to me.

And most of all, thank you for making DEEPLY ODD a bestseller.

I hope your summer is going well, with a lot of laughter and romance and leisure and good food and good reading. I've had a wonderful time with hayfever, two outbreaks of hives, and the human equivalent of dry rot in wood. I'm happy to say that I was able to survive an attack of killer bees by throwing my sweet and fragrant Slurpee all over a 90-year-old woman in a walker, thus redirecting their furious attention to her. (With my usual and often remarked-upon generosity, I plan to share with her ten percent of that 30 million when it arrives from Nigeria.)

Meanwhile, I have finished work on a novel titled INNOCENCE, which arrives in stores on December 10, 2013, and it is one of my personal favorites of my books, scary and mysterious, with some twists I doubt that you'll expect. May the rest of the summer bring you good times, much joy, and a Nigerian heir even richer than the one it's been my good fortune to assist.

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Welcome to my site. Here you will discover everything you need to know about my current and upcoming books! And every once in a while we'll throw in something tantalizing - perhaps it could be something about a new author or it could be completely random. Kick back and relax and thanks for visiting my world!