Tag Archives: Priorities

Good morning, girl. Happy Monday! Ready to get to it? Another precious week of your life teed up and ready to go? Another week where you get to build and choose and create and love? Brick building, at home, at work, in your marriage, Monday-Monday, here we go!

Planning. And then flexibility. Forethought. And then rolling with the unexpected. Balance doesn’t just describe the doling out of your energy to the different priorities and people in your life. Balance also describes the staying-on-your-surfboard as the wind picks up and the currents beneath you change course suddenly.

I had been planning for a huge customer meeting next week. Huge. Really looking forward to it. Researching and preparing, feeling like I had such a great handle on what I wanted to happen and how I was going to bring it about. And then I had to pull out at the last minute. One of my family has a fairly serious health concern that needs to be attended to. We’ll be fine, no worries, but this is not a good time for Mommy to head out of town.

I have an amazing team of colleagues that can more than handle everything that needs to be done. I wasn’t the lead on this one, just a worker bee. But still. It was a struggle to give this meeting up. I wanted to be there.

In the end, I had to look at it though the filter of what-matters-most. This health thing is probably fine, probably. But if it’s not? I need to be here. It’s these really tough decisions that tell your family what comes first in your life.

So, as your week unfolds, some of it will go according to plan, and you’ll feel like a rock star. Some of it will come out of the blue and knock you upside the head. You can be a rock star then too.

Good morning, Mamma! Happy Monday! Ready to take on the day? How’s that career of yours going? You know, the one you spend so much time at?

Can we talk for a minute about the difference between “I don’t want to” and “I can’t”?

“I don’t want to” is a perfectly legitimate response to any number of work-life possibilities. As in, “I don’t want to move to New Jersey” or “I don’t want to travel three weeks out of every four”. Making choices based on your values (and with no apologies!) is a rock-solid essential part of being a happy Working Mommy. “I don’t want to go to happy hour” is a particular favorite of mine.

“I can’t”, on the other hand, may be you underestimating yourself. It may be fear. It may be self-sabotage because somebody, somewhere told you that you weren’t worthy of that height of success. “I can’t” needs to be addressed.

What is it you want, but are afraid to go for? That’s a big question. If it’s fear keeping you from that goal, who in the world ever told you it was too big for you? Can you look back and tell them to take a leap?

You are CAPABLE of ANYTHING. It’s just whether or not you want the work that goes into achieving that particular goal.

By the same token, just because you are capable of something, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it if it’s making you and your family miserable. If you don’t want something, don’t do it. But if you think you can’t, that needs some consideration.

Give it a thought today, Mamma. This career thing you are doing, it offers a lot. Intellectual challenge, positive feedback, safety net, it’s all there. Don’t short-change yourself because of fear.

Today, maybe, a quick self assessment? Where are you headed, and why? What would your dream job be, and are your current behaviors designed to get you there? If not, why not?

I feel so much affection for all the working mommies out there. I want the best for you, girl. Don’t go for the C-Suite just because you think it’s the only worthy goal. By the same token, don’t NOT go for it, just because you somehow think you’re not worthy.

Your season of life, your kids and husband’s needs, your partner husband’s ability and willingness to support your family and your home, your company’s respect for family as a legitimate value… and, so importantly, your own heart and gut, they all play a role in this decision making.

Good morning, darling. How was your weekend? Wonderful, I hope. Mostly wonderful, that works too.

I am making my bed again. It’s been about twenty years since I made my bed on anything like a routine (or monthly, even) basis.

That’s how long it took between my first-born arriving on the scene and my youngest getting to the point where he is dressing himself, doing his schoolwork with no reminding, doing laundry and helping me to make meals and clean. That level of help will change a life for sure. All of a sudden, I have time to make my bed.

For years though, I didn’t. And I didn’t feel bad about it. I needed that five minutes in the morning. I needed every minute I could get. I would literally jog from my car to the building in parking lots to save the additional time getting into a store or a customer’s office.

I figured if I saved 25 minutes total throughout the day, that’s time I got to read to my kids before bed. And I LOVED that. It filled my soul. I needed that time with my kiddos.

Twenty-five minutes. That’s the difference between making dinner (even if dinner is sliced apples, crackers and peanut butter) and having to order take-out pizza because I’m out of time and energy.

For me, it was about priorities, and making my bed didn’t make the list.

You are the one who knows what your life needs. Do you like the way your day unfolds? Your week? Are you getting enough time with the kids? When was the last time you kissed your husband? Is the vessel of your soul, of your mommy energy full or empty?

If you aren’t happy, if you are yelling at the kids at the end of the day and hating yourself for it, if you feel thisclose to bursting into tears, look at what you can change.

Time. Priorities. Rotisserie chicken, goldfish crackers and grapes, that’s a perfectly fine dinner. There is no law that says you have to make your kid’s birthday cake (unless you want to). Neither does it list as one of the ten commandments “Thou shalt clean thy own house”. Make sure that you are living by your rules, priorities and expectations, and not someone else’s. Don’t give a damn what “they” think. Please.

Make room somewhere, sister. Make room in your life for what you love.

My son graduated from college and appropriately celebrated: check. My daughter graduated from high school and appropriately celebrated: check. Product launch on track with forecast: amen and thank You, Jesus, check. It’s been a crazy, crazy month.

Like this morning. I sat down at the computer at 5 AM, meaning to write a post on parenting teenagers, when I thought, “I’ll just check email quick”. And here I am, two hours later, looking up from a rush of email, blinking like a mole emerging into the sunlight from her tunnel. Missed my writing, missed my run. GUH. Work just sucks me in!

Husband and I had a heart to heart around 4:50 this morning. We realized we’ve had dinner together as a complete family precisely once in the last four weeks. And that was take-out. I was horrified to realize this and I am horrified to write it.

This cannot continue.

Yes, I’ve been launching a much anticipated product with all the rush and pressure that involves, yes, we’ve had major life milestones and big parties to plan and execute, but we need time to be a family. Just time to be together. Time.

It’s been a bit of a case of the important stuff getting run over by the urgent stuff this month.

I’ve been gone so much this month. I think I’ve spend every penny of relationship capital I’ve built up with my family over the years. Time to get some mommying back into my working mommy life.

Yes, it’s inevitable that in the course of a life I’ll have occasional seasons when I’m gone, but if this becomes the norm, my kids and I won’t have a relationship beyond the title. I need to fix this. Tonight.

Good luck with your own balance, Mamma. I hope you’ve done a better job than I have this month at taking care of your body and nurturing your family.

Good morning, Mamma. I have about seven minutes to say hello today. I’m in the thick of it, girl.

I had a conversation this weekend with a teen-age girl who wanted to talk career. I had a chance to tell her about how I passed on promotions while my kids were kids because in my business, a promotion means a move or 80% travel.

And I was so pleased to observe my heart and discover I have no regrets.

Because there is no amount of money, prestige or power that can compete with the experiences I had with my kids, loving them, mothering them, teaching them and cheering them on. And I love my career! You know I do! I feel so blessed that I’ve been able to have both a life as a mother and a life as a business woman.

The mac & cheese on the front porch, popcorn and Junior Mints in front of a movie, tiny clementine sections eaten on a hike… the flavors of my choices.

Think on this, Mamma. Twenty years from now you will look back. What do you want it to look like?

Your business may be more flexible than mine. If I had moved up, my time with my kids would have been reduced exponentially.

At a crucial time in my life, an older mentor cautioned me when I went to her to ask advice about a promotion I had been asked to interview for. She told me a story. Her son, at his graduation dinner, after her speech about how wonderful it had been to mother him, had said out loud, in front of the family, “Come on Mom, you know we pretty much raised ourselves.”

She cried when she told me about it.

You can have a career. You can make money. You can be a success. Just mind the trade-offs, girl.

Good morning. Did you (like me) work too much this week? I get that sometimes it’s unavoidable. My children ate take-out food every single day this week. I really get it.

But we cannot let work take the primary position in our lives for too long. They pay, and we pay when that happens. Over time, it does not, in my opinion, make for the best sort of life. I want to work and be great at what I do, yes, but I also want to be a MOMMY, a baking, hugging, reading stories, THERE in their lives, Mommy.

Our actions are where our values become apparent.

My actions last week were all company, all work. I did wrench one afternoon away from my intense product launch to see my daughter in what could have been her last race of her high school career (she won! on to state!) but I confess I was emailing in the stands when she wasn’t running. I forgot to eat lunch that day and had dinner in my car, but by God, I saw my daughter run and hugged her after her race and it was awesome.

Still. My week was off balance big-time in favor of my work life and I need to make it up to my family (and my poor neglected body) this weekend.

How about you, dear? You are not a robot. What yummy memories will you build this weekend? What meals? What walks? What stories?

Hey, girl, how are you? I’m on a plane right now, Chicago here I come. Lovely little Midway airport. Manageable, bite-sized little airport where everyone smiles because they are not fighting the crowds at O’Hare.

How are you? What are you up to this week? Do you have your goals written down? For the quarter, for the week, for today? And are you remembering to take care of your family, your marriage, yourself, along with those Power Point presentations? And customer calls. And budget meetings.

Balance. I love and I hate that word. I love the idea, but really, there is no “balance” in our lives. No magical perfect point at which, if we arrange everything just so, our lives will be calm and harmonious. Nope, no balance. There are just too many variables. (Ear infection, flat tire, 8AM phone call from the boss asking you to rescue customer A1…) But there is trying, and there is pivoting as needed, and there is grace and forgiveness when something goes awry. Functional, happy life, yes. Balance, not so much.

I was still figuring out rides for my kids in the kitchen this morning. We had Plan A (Dad), Plan B (big brother) and Plan C (the nice family whose son is also on the basketball team). Thank God for cell phones, the kids will check their texts after school (their school has a zero cell phone policy during the day, which I love) to see how they are getting to their various activities. Not ideal, but this is our reality for today.

At least until I make it big and can hire a chauffeur. And a cook. And a gardener. Oooh, and a stylist! I digress.

Juggle. Juggle like the magician you are, Mamma. Juggle while keeping your core values in the front of your mind.

My core values:
* God – Am I being ethical and honest in all I do? Did I say thank you for all the blessings God has given me today?
* Family – Am I meeting my family’s needs? Do I know my family’s needs? Am I communicating to them the back and forth of our days so that they never feel like they are walking blind? Did I tell them I love them today? Touch them? Look them in the eye?
* Worker – Am I giving my company great energy and my full intelligence? Am I doing excellent work? Am I supporting my team?
* Writing – This blog. My Mamma friends. Love you, ladies.
* Athlete – Did I move my body today? I need to be fully functional and fully energized in order to meet all my other obligations. I have to be healthy to do that. Walk by the McD’s sister, your body needs better.
* Giver – Did I give back to the world today? Help someone who needed a little support? To whom much is given, much is expected, and I’m pretty darn blessed.
* Woman – Have I indulged in the feminine side of me? The side that needs to be fed with beauty, softness, and an occasional Walt Whitman poem? Don’t forget her in all the achieving and taking care of others. She gets lonely.

How about you, darling? What is your list? Take time to think about it, consider writing it down by hand because there is tremendous power in that exercise. Values, goals. Thoreau’s well-examined life.

Busy, yes, but mindfully lived, even as you run through the airport (Parking lot? Grocery store?) like a crazy woman.

Dear my kids. So it’s that time of year again when the ads all tell you that you need to get me flowers/candy/expensive-spa-treatments for Mother’s Day, because then I’ll know you REALLY love me.

You are hereby absolved from buying me anything in an effort to tell me you really love me. I know you love me, darling. I know it to my core, lucky me.

Instead, write me a letter; tell me what it’s like to be my kid or tell me what you appreciate about me. Go for a walk with me, let me hold your hand again, just for a little bit, like I did when you were little. Or let’s pop some popcorn, pull the Junior Mints out of the freezer and have a Jane Austen movie marathon!

Time, you know, time and knowing what’s in your heart, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. The best gifts cannot be wrapped.
Oh, I loved it when you brought me breakfast in bed when you were little. Mostly I loved to hear you clanking around in the kitchen downstairs. You were so proud of your efforts – I loved that. And the handmade cards? I still have them.

When you get down to it, YOU are the best gift I ever received. Just you. No flowers or candy or breakfast in bed required. You changed my life, children of mine. You blew life and color and noise and joy into my every day and I thank God for it. Thank God for you.

Identity is so powerful. Who do you tell yourself you are? Who do you tell your children they are?

Years ago I was counseled to guide my children away from bad decisions by saying, “That’s not like you. You’re usually such a responsible kid.” or “That’s not like you. You’re usually a kid who tells the truth.” And so on.

I had no idea the brilliance I was buying into when I started doing that. BRILLIANCE.

And how about our often conflicting identities of mom and worker? Which one is your higher calling? When the two identities are in conflict, which one wins? Usually it depends on the stakes, and the situation, but nine times out of ten, I’m a mom first.

Do you feel like an imposter? Or are you certain that you have gifts and talents to bring to that company and help them get the job done?

Do you feel like a good mom? (Not a perfect mom, please, not a perfect mom, don’t perfect yourself, please.)

Do you feel strong? Smart? Resilient?

This isn’t some woo-woo existential exercise. Who you think you are influences your every decision. Who you think your children are, and more importantly, who you tell them they are, will change their lives.

That woman you want to be, what does she look like? And what exactly is keeping you from becoming her?

I drink tea. I am intelligent. I am brave. I have no patience. I am so fat. I really have the strategy thing down. I am a good mom. I am a loving wife. I am honest. I am so disorganized. I suck. I really understand marketing. I am a scientist. I am an athlete.

Just reading that list, you feel in your gut the power of those words. Power to lift your heart and straighten your shoulders, or power to weigh you down and make you feel nauseous with shame.

Write down who you want to be today. Read that list out loud. I am organized. I am driven. I am a good mom. I love my children. I love my husband. I am strong. I take care of my body. Power there, sister, real power.

And your kids? Write down something you want to tell each of them tonight. “You really think things through.” “You are so kind-hearted.” “You have a smile that lights up a room!”

I have a massive project going right now with an important deadline in about three weeks. I could work every minute of every day for these next three weeks to polish and prepare for this mile mark, but I’m not going to.

Because, while I do love my work, I’m not just a worker. And, while I take pride in being excellent in what I do for my company, I’m more than my career. So much more.

I’m a mom. And a wife. And an athlete, friend, and daughter.

Work gets most of my waking hours. I check email and study technical papers before my kids wake up in the morning. I’m physically away from home and at work anywhere from seven to eleven hours a day – when I’m in town – and I have a home office that gets another hour or two of my life at the end of the day. Work gets plenty of my energy, yet it never seems enough. I have to fight the urge to do just one more thing. I fight to set it aside and really be with my family.

I love my work, I do. But it cannot have my Saturday.

This is my day to reconnect. I put tremendous effort into staying in touch with my kids during the week, but today, Saturday, is the day we get large chunks of just hanging around together. Unstructured, sweat pants and pajamas, together for hours Saturday. How can I describe the piled-on-the-sofa-reading or the laying-on-a-blanket-in-the-front-yard that is Saturday?
This day is solid gold.

And yes, the laundry and the lawn and the groceries, I get it. But manage it while they sleep, or hire it out if you can, yes? Martha Stewart is not going to come inspect your house; it’s okay if it looks like you live there.
Go play, Mamma. You work plenty hard, do not give away your precious weekend.

Companies are soulless – they are profit-driven (as they should be) and they will accept every hour that you are willing to give them. You need to draw the line. You need to make your family a priority.

You will work for the rest of your life; your kids you have for a very precious, very little while, and then they fly.
Today, go play, alright? For me. For your munchkins. For your own heart and body and memory banks, go play!