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Holy Guacamole

I get a lot of recipe requests. I’m no Ree, but I can throw down some good eats- and hands down, people ask for this recipe. Which has always kind of baffled me, because honestly? How do you screw up guacamole? But it’s possible. People add all kind off wrong things. This is an honest guac. No mixes, no fancy spices, no mayonnaise (egad!). Everything added is there for a specific reason, and adds it’s own simple voice to the song.

Here’s who’s coming to the party: You need 3-4 HAAS avocados, salt, jalapeno, a Roma tomato, lime or lemon, garlic, salt, sour cream, and hot sauce. That’s it. No, do not add onion. Do not add cumin, no matter what Rachel Ray says, “smokey cumin” is NOT good in everything. Do not add mayonnaise, or I will hunt you down. Do not add cilantro. Just don’t, and I love Cilantro. I do. But it is not invited to this party. The end.

Slice the avocados in half, twisting the pit out with the sharp edge of your knife. I started out with four avo’s, but one was too bruised and got tossed. Three works almost as well as four.

(My kids think it’s great fun to put the pits in a glass of water and grow an avocado plant on my kitchen window sill. You will soon be overrun with plants that cannot live in your climate- unless you live in LA. Secretly toss them.)

With a spoon, just scoop out the insides. No need to score them or get all Bobby Flay- just scoop. If they are perfectly ripe, they will be like butter.

Decapitate your fresh jalapeno, and if you are a wuss, scrape out the membrane and seeds with a spoon. You’ll just have the sweet fruit left, and there’s practically no head in the fruit. Don’t poke yourself in the eye or change a diaper after you’ve handled peppers. Don’t ask me how I know.

See? Wuss pepper. Fruity and fire-less. Mince that bad boy up:

And add to the avocado.

Now you need to choose your mashing tool. Any of these work, and I routinely use them all. Do not, I repeat NO NO NO, do not use a food processor or blender. We are making guacamole, not green mushy soup. We want texture, chunks- we want to know we are eating avocados! Well, at least I do. You do whatever you want. But I warned you…

Add a good pinch of kosher salt and mush mush mush. The kids like this. Good luck at your house.

Like this. See? Texture is a good thing!

Now I’ve cheated, because you can clearly see I’ve already dice my tomato- but just go with me here, okay?

Cut one Roma tomato in half. I know I showed two, but with only three avocados I needed to think on my feet, and one/three ratio is perfect. Slice it in half and scoop out the gelly goop in the middle. It’s good stuff, but not in guacamole. Dice the tomato up:

And add to the mushed up bowl.

Now, it’s time for the spice. The excitement. Regard the tender clove of garlic, impaled on my 12″ Wusthoff :

This little gem of acids and flavor has been hanging out in my fridge for a little too long, and has decided to sprout. Ever had that happen? When you cut open a clove, there is a tiny little green shoot inside?

You want to get that out of there. It’s bitter. It’s not good eats. The garlic is still perfectly good, just pop that little shoot out with the tip of your knife. Thus:

It’s in a little sheath, and will usually pop out in one piece. One big clove or two small cloves are perfect for a 3-Avocado batch of guacamole. And, despite what the fancy food TV chefs may say, I am a fan of the garlic press. Voila:

Perfectly mashed garlic with no large raw chunks to ruin anyone’s guacamole experience.

Oh, hello Blurry. Next add the juice from half a lime or lemon. I prefer lime, but all I had today was lemon, so lemon it is. It really doesn’t mater- the whole point is the acid, and you get that from either. But you do need one of them! Also, and this is unorthodox and sacrilege to some purists, I add a blop of sour cream. Let me tell you why. Combined with the acid from the citrus, it keeps the avos from browning too much. You can leave it out, but you’ll end up with brown guac a lot faster. You have been warned.

Now, we need to pick our poison:

Any of these are perfectly lovely. If I have refined guests, I’ll opt for the Green Tabasco. If it’s for me, Habanero it is. My favorite sauce is Cholula, and I’m out, otherwise she would have been my girl today. As it was, I went for the old stand by:

You just cannot go wrong with good old Avery Island McIlhenny peppers. They truly are divine.

Now stir it all together.

Gently, gently now- mind your texture. And that’s it. You are done. Pop into a pretty bowl and scarf it down. Top some sopapillas made from your own masa. Grill up some fish and have soft tacos with guacamole. Or, you could just eat it. Enjoy!

Ahna, yeah, people do too many bad things to guacamole. It should be simple. A little acid, a little salt, a little heat. The end. You can even leave the tomatoes out, and it’s really good. I like them for texture, but it’s not a purist stance.

My husband makes guacamole from scratch and has perfected the art (I think). He makes a huge batch (like, 15 avocados, big) every year at my family reunion that lasts for about 25 minutes. I’m pretty sure that if, Heaven forbid, we were to ever split, he would still get invited back, and I would be shunned.

That said, his recipe is almost identical to yours except that he basically makes pico first with (gasp) onions and cilantro, and then adds it to the avocados. Once, we couldn’t procure limes or lemons, and had to use the juice of an orange instead, and it was surprisingly fantastic! Still citrus-y, but kind of sweet.

Dear Tracy:
A friend ask me to bake Lemon Bars but I’ve gluten free since 2002 diagnosed with Celiac Disorder (baked a small batch of Brownies on 6/8 & her husband asked if they were “gf” I said Jimmy everything I bake/cook is “gf”; turns out they truly liked them.Plan to make Tracy’s Lemon Bars (-0) of course “gf”; got everything I need, next is “carnitas con arroz & aguacate on the side”. Must remember to thaw out pork.
Many thanks for great recipes.
Sincerely,
Carmen
Plan to “wow” with a new recipe from Tracy, let you know how it goes.

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about.me

Dandelion Mama

I make stuff. I'm a writer, grad-student, blogger, new wife, mother of three, step-mom to two, artist and creative whirlwind. I love fine cheese, the scent of old books, and cooking from Julia Child and Ottolenghi cookbooks.