Bats, Snakes, Dark Creatures

Christian Bale, who starred as the caped crusader in Batman Begins, is reportedly in the running for the role of the protagonist Solid Snake in the screen adaptation of Metal Gear Solid. The movie will be released in 2009. For those who haven't heard of Metal Gear Solid: it's a game in which a shadowy group of terrorists develops a nuclear-powered bipedal war machine, and kidnaps a bunch of high officials. As Solid Snake, the player is to foil the world-domination plot and rescue hapless hostages. The usual shebang, you know, with ninjas and mutant soldiers and plenty of gravity-defying stunts and blood and gore.

Apart from Solid Snake's combat skills, it turns out Bale's vocal chords are similar to those of the protagonist in the game. That, and the fact that Bale has done some pretty physically intense roles in the past, might help him to pip the competition and get the role. Watch this area in 2009, or when the movie is released. We promise to review it-even though we're a tech magazine. We love breaking the mould.

The Times They Aren't A-Changin'
Letters are so 1980. And why go about with your pockets stuffed with cash when you have ATMs at every street corner? Guess what: it's not only in the unconnected Third World that people still rely on quaint things like letters and paper money. Some Knights of the British Empire do, too.

Macca a.k.a. Sir Paul-the cute Beatle, in case you've taken a cue from the Bat and have been living in a cave for an inordinately long time-recently said in a radio interview that he was an old-fashioned chap who liked writing letters rather than sending e-mails: e-mails are not "aesthetically pleasing." He has his own point there, being as he is in the business of pleasing the senses of millions.

The Horseless Knight has also revealed he does not use ATMs and do modern things like swipe cards. Reason: he is clueless when using them. He phones his office for money and sends an assistant running to the nearest ATM for that twenty-quid tip at the diner. Oh, to be rich and famous.

Wrong Foot Forward
Britney Spears-whom we vowed never to mention, but whom we're mentioning because she's in the news for the wrong reason-is in the news because she forgot her words. Now that's as ghastly as it gets, because she lip-syncs anyway.

The recently-bald forever-teen has quite a record on MTV's annual Video Music Awards-remember the lip-lock with Madonna? Or the gyration with the snake? This year, she strutted about on stage apparently having rehearsed neither her steps nor her words.

In any case, we're not talking about music (our minds must be musically-challenged, because what "music" this lady peddles, we call bilge). We're talking about traffic figures and download numbers, since we're a tech magazine. What happened was that Britney being ever the Britney, people-from hormonal young girls to neo-hormonal middle-aged men-are ever-interested in her. And not a handful: a record 2.6 million (half the population of Norway) in a single day. That was the number of visits to MTV.com, the Web site that hosted details of her performance, or antics, or bungled steps. Seven million video streams of the performance have also been downloaded-another record for MTV.

Like jaded smokers resolving every year, birthday, and festive eve to quit, we do declare: we shall not mention this Ã¼ber-bimbo again.
Unless she takes up a course in AI, because that's what she needs. Get it?