Quantum Entanglement solace for India

Chinese scientists reported that they achieved quantum entanglement at a distance of 1000 kms. Simply put, Q.E. is supposed to bind objects at a distance with mirror-image properties. The chinese proved that photons exhibited this property when two photons that left in opposite directions from a satellite continued their love-affair after 1000 kms distance and maintained their bond. In other words, this is simply a ‘faster than light speed’ information transfer with right hand and left hand symmetry.

Indian scientists poo-pooed this experiment. Physicists from IISc declared that they achieved this left-right symmetrical behaviour long ago. For example, they said “Look, when my right hand is doing nothing, the left hand also does nothing, which proves quantum entanglement at a distance”.

The communist party leader revealed his intellect. He said “the right is always wrong. Only the left is true. Therefore, Q.E is only 50% true”.

SuperComputer Department Professors had an even better example – they showed that when “one computer crashes, another similar one separated by two floors also crashes at the same time, therefore it proves quantum entanglement”.

Biology department professors won’t have any of these silly examples. They claimed “we knew QE for four billion years. Look, when one rose plant blossoms in Mysuru another plant does the same in Nagpuru, so this is Q.E. at a distance”.

There are also skeptics about Q.E. A Senior BJP cabinet minister, who wanted to remain anonymous, claimed “when we take bribe through right hand, the left hand doesn’t know it, which means there is no Quantum Entanglement”.

The AIADMK ministers from Tamil Nadu state had an even better explanation. They declared “we have no right/left distinction. We combine both hands, pray and fall at the feet of Sasikala. Hence, Q.E. or no Q.E. we get solace”.

Congress Vice President claimed “our symbol itself is a hand palm, therefore, we knew this long ago”.

Former UIDAI chairman Nandan Nilekani went further “We will introduce a new quantum entangled aadhaar card to make sure we separate Twins with the similar fingerprints and kidneys. Our job is not complete until we dissect every Indian up to their DNA molecule and provide an authentication system”.

Upon hearing this news Arun Jaitley announced “we need a new quantum entangled service tax of 12%. We have exhausted all other dictionary words”.