The Five Most Awesomely Sweded Movies

Swede (swēd) v.: To re-create a trailer, scene, or movie with untrained actors and low-budget aesthetics; n.: A native or inhabitant of Sweden. (NOTE: This article isn't about Sweden.)

Chances are you've sweded something before without even knowing it. Maybe not to the extent that the three boys from Mississippi did when they sweded the shit out of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom during the '80s, spending six years of their lives recreating every single frame. (In all fairness to your lack of ambition, they were only 12 years old and had a lot of time on their hands.) But remember that time you wrapped a necktie around your head and had your friend videotape you practicing crane kicks? Yeah, that was sweded.

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Which doesn't mean anything, technically. The word, of course, hails from the amusingly affected brain of director Michel Gondry, he of Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind fame, and now the upcoming Be Kind, Rewind. In the film, two guys running a movie rental store are shocked to learn that their videos have been erased by a mysterious electromagnetic force. So they do what anyone in a quirky indie movie would do and set out remaking the movies themselves. When customers complain about the long wait times and high rental costs, the duo claims that the unique films are rare imports from Sweden -- hence, "sweded."

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This doesn't explain the small town's bizarre insistence on using antiquated VHS tapes, or how they procured such a large stockpile of VCRs in a postdigital age, but no matter -- without the movie, there would be no copycats (ahem, appreciators). And after all, imitation is the whole point, isn't it?

Die Hard

Pros: Ultrarealistic shaky camera; top-notch running around

Cons: British accents; lack of punching

Conclusion: I suppose the British actors were a bit gun-shy about stripping down to their skivvies for the film's penultimate gun fight. Too bad, because a Die Hard swede without the glock-taped-to-back scene is like a donkey punch with no orgasm: It just hurts. Luckily, the ingenious building explosion saves the day. Literally.

Back to the Future

Pros: Nicely sweded terrorist van chase; good props

Cons: No "Earth Angel" OR "Johnny B. Good"; a black Doc

Conclusion: They hit on all the keynotes, but missed some of the nuance, such as skateboarding and '80s power rock. And while taking some creative license is encouraged, a black Doc just seems like rebellion for rebellion's sake. No one's saying doctors can't be black. Just not this doctor. He should be straight-up white hair, crazy eyes, and 1.21 gigawatts. Oh, I get it. Jigga whats?...

Home Alone

Pros: Breadth of coverage; moral message

Cons: Exclusion of scary old man with snow shovel; the reminder that you've watched this movie way too many times

Conclusion: You've got to hand it to the lead actor -- he's like Macaulay Culkin on lithium, which is as odd a stylistic choice as it is intriguing. But through his contained excitement, you truly experience the angst of the underlying family issues of physical and emotional abandonment. Plus, paint buckets to the head: ALWAYS funny. Always.

Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Pros: Unbelievable range; costumes; utilization of British qualities

Cons: Uninspired fight scenes; ADD inducing

Conclusion: Not to get all Hollywood about it, but Scientologists believe that peace and quiet are an important part of the creative process. And just look at how successful they are. The problem here is that in the effort to include everything, they have truly achieved nothing. Of course, that's not true. It just sounds profound. To incorporate that much plot in two minutes is truly admirable, even if it does wreak havoc on your latent ADD tendencies.

Conclusion: Hands down the best of the bunch. Not only are a majority of the film's most popular scenes included, but a wry humor is applied, though none to heavily. What's more, there is just the right amount of way too much random gunfire. Spot on. One gets the feeling that if Arnold Schwarzenegger had a sense of humor, he would comment: "That is funny."