Preamble Afternoon. What's the rumpus? We're a little busy today so I shall dispense with the usual epiphany-inducing prose that you find in these preambles. These are the four 3pm fixtures in the Premier League:

2.26pm Manchester City aren't playing till this evening but they have had an early boost with the news that Mario Balotelli will be out for a month after eye surgery. It wasn't commented on that much at the time, but Balotelli's red card at Arsenal won City the league last year.

2.52pm "Bit harsh on Mario, I mean he did squeeze that ball to Aguero, didn't he?" says Phil Podolsky. "And that he's a superior player to Dzeko even Dzeko's mom could not deny. But then Dzeko did score that header from that corner. And that he's more 'reliable' than Mario even Mario's foster mom could not deny. Look, I don't know, OK?"

Let's sort this debate in the modern style: with a slanging match on Twitter. Aw, look, Balotelli's clearly a cracking player, but him being sent off put Tevez back into the team, and that's wot won it.

3pm As the four matches kick off, I'm watching a bloody Meerkat advert on Sky Sports News. How's that for an interactive experience?

3.01pm "Re: Balotelli's contribution to the $ity title," says Lou Roper. "Yes, his sending off did permit the return of Tevez, but didn't his own return –not coincidentally, at the expense of world-class whinger Nasri – provide the last piece?" Yes, but if he hadn't been sent off at Arsenal his contribution on the last day would have been irrelevant because United would have been over the hill and far, far away.

GOAL! Wigan 1-0 Stoke (Maloney 5 pen) A goal for Wigan at Fortress DW, a penalty from Shaun Maloney. I have no idea what actually happened because I missed Phil Thompson's description on Sky Sports News. You're welcome!

3.08pm Apparently the penalty was given for [Stoke] ball-to-hand [/Stoke] / [Wigan] hand-to-ball [/Wigan] against Robert Huth. Just think, Robert Huth once played centre forward against Barcelona in the European Cup. Has there ever been a greater act of cultural vandalism in the history of football? Apart from that first half at Upton Park this afternoon, obviously.

3.10pm Norwich's Russell Martin has nutted the ball against the bar at White Hart Lane.

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3.14pm This is the kind of email I like, from Sasu Laaksonen. The subject is 'On that useless Bradley Johnson', and the email reads: "Bradley Johnson is the worst player in the league. Bar none." I'm sensing rancour.

3.15pm It's still Beauty 1-0 Beast at the DW Stadium, and it seems Beauty could easily have had a second penalty for a push of Franco Di Santo.

3.16pm It seems Swansea's Neil Taylor has suffered a serious injury in the match against Sunderland after a challenge with Craig Gardner. A stretcher and oxygen are being brought onto the field.

3.18pm Everton are dominating the match at the Hawthorns, according to Paul Merson. They looked seriously good at Villa Park last weekend, although Villa were so poor that it's difficult to judge just how good Everton were.

3.19pm Still no further news on Neil Taylor.

3.20pm "It must be as odd for West Ham fans to cope with success while playing in a style that goes against what most associate as their heritage of playing good footer on t' earth, as it is for Man City fans to not be able to enjoy misery," says Ian Copestake.

3.21pm "Re: Wigan's goal description," says Peter Crosby. "Is this what my life has been reduced to? Reading someone watching someone watching football? I thought technology was opposed to bring us closer to entertainment, not add two middlemen (no offence). I at least presumed you were seated in front of some sort of majestic Minority Report-esque screening system." Can I put 'middleman' on my CV? That's the nicest thing a reader's called me in years.

3.22pm Neil Taylor was indeed stretchered off while wearing an oxygen mask. It sounds like he has broken either his leg or ankle.

3.25pm "How did you miss Phil Thompson's description?" says David Johnston-Raw. "What were you doing? Keep up the good work." I can't remember.

3.27pm "I agree with you on Balotelli up to a point," says Niall Mullen. "But the rush to kick him while he was down at the end of last year by many pundits and fans (not you) verged on bullying. Many of the Premier League era greats (Cantona, Keane, Bergkamp) had more than a bit of the devil in them but they seemed a lot less vulnerable than the adopted kid who grew up to the whistles of racist abuse in Italy. Listening to his sister on the radio before the Euro final was heartbreaking as she declared her love for him and batted away the myriad Mario apocrypha usually accepted as factual. That's a very long winded way of saying give the kid a break."

I take your point – I actually quite like Balotelli, for what it's worth – but surely the point is that Cantona, Keane and Bergkamp were great players and thus their excesses were more tolerable? If you're going to pull stunts, you'd better be good. When Liverpool wore their cream Armani suits at Wembley, John Barnes said something like: "If you wear a suit like that, you'd better win." When, during that infamous Leicester La Manga booze-up in 2000, Ian Marshall phoned Martin O'Neill in the small hours to tell him he loved him, O'Neill apparently addressed Marshall while giving the whole team a bollocking the next day and said something like: "You haven't done enough in the game, son, to be calling me at 3am telling me you love me." By the same token, if you're going to have as much baggage as Balotelli, you'd better be worth it on the field.

3.31pm Norwich have been the better side at White Hart Lane, with Bradley Johnson blootering one just over from 25 yards.

3.33pm "The Spurs Norwich game is a bit crap at the moment," says Richard Hooker, "so I took the opportunity to have a squint at the Barclays privacy policy. It says 'If you have any questions about privacy at Barclays please contact the Barclays Privacy and Data Protection Team at 1 Churchill Place, London, E14 5HP.' Nice!"

3.35pm "I take your point, yet (and this is a genuine question, not a rhetorical one) who'd you rather have filling in for Aguero – Mario or Dzeko?" says Phil Podolsky. "I still haven't decided where exactly to place Dzeko on the Big Man Scale between Ibra and Stefan Maierhofer..." Oh, Balotelli for sure. Dzeko is a donkey. But Aguero and Balotelli wouldn't have won the league; Aguero and Tevez did, in style.

3.37pm Not much is happening on any of my imaginary four screens showing today's matches.

3.39pm Ah, hang on, Stoke have a penalty at Fortress DW for handball by Maynor Figueroa.

GOAL! Swansea 0-1 Sunderland (Fletcher 40) Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens if you try playing football from the back? Ashley Williams is robbed by Steven Fletcher, who scores a classy debut goal.

GOAL! Swansea 1-1 Sunderland (Routledge 45) Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens if you try playing football from the back? Wayne Routledge has slammed in a fine equaliser for Swansea.

3.54pm Up-to-the-minute news: apparently Sunderland now lead Swansea 2-1 thanks to another goal from the debutant Steven Fletcher. The goal came in the seventh minute of added time, after the injury to Neil Taylor.

3.57pm "Agree with your points re Balotelli and the fact that his footballing ability simply does not 'even out' his antics," says Stephen Patten. "He seems to be one of these footballers whose personality overshadows his ability. He is a good player, no doubt and he was impressive in the Euros but does anyone really think he will become a great? And on that subject Rob (and Niall Mullen), please don't mention Cantona in the same breath as Bergkamp and Keane. A better player than Balotelli for sure but a victory for style over substance in the same vein. Only Utd fans rate him highly."

That's true, and I suppose some people might argue that United fans rate him highly because they watched him every week, saw him revolutionise the entire club, catalyse not one but two generations of title-winning players, win four titles out of five – one pretty much on his own – after the club had won none in 26 before his arrival, and start a relationship with those fans of such an enduring and spiritual nature that only the ignorant or envious would seriously attempt to compare it to any other in the history of football. That's what some people might argue, I suppose.

4pm "Isn't Balotelli's best position substitute?" says Gary Naylor. "Like a closer in baseball, his unpredictable play might be just what's needed to turn a game. There's also to advantage that he hasn't time to get bored or pick up a second yellow card." He does make things happen, as he did against QPR on that final day. He made the winner, of course, but he also gave City further momentum at 2-1 down with a couple of vicious long-range shots. He played very well that day.

4.07pm Moussa Dembele is on for Spurs at White Hart Lane. At Wigan, Franco Di Santo has made it Wigan 2-1 Stoke.

4.08pm "Can you please ask all the Balotelli fans to stop propagating the ridiculous lie that he did brilliantly at Euro 2012," says Jonathan O'Brien. "He started five games for Italy and played well in one of them, against Germany, where he converted two very straightforward chances with aplomb. He was dreadful in the other matches. If that constitutes having a brilliant European Championships, then I give up." Yep. It was a bit like Zidane at France 98.

4.09pm Fellaini was just sent back to the dressing room to change tape on his socks from white to blue, the ref starting the second half without him," says Allan Castle. "What. The. Eff."

I'm guessing somebody had their head flushed down the toilet at school.

4.13pm It's been confirmed that Neil Taylor has a fractured ankle. That's awful news for one of the league's best left-backs, and you'd imagine he'll struggle to play against this season.

4.14pm "Do you reckon Negrete's was better than Hughes's famous scissor kick from the same year?" says Martin Widdicks. "God bless YouTube. I only had a vague recollection of this goal's brilliance for many years. I'm sure you'll prefer the Hughes one..." Negrete's impromptu game of keepy-uppy is ridiculous, but then look how high Hughes gets. What the hell, I'll take them both to my desert island.

4.15pm Here's Jayan Eledath, who is watching a game. "Spurs seem to be playing some form of football-chess. Badly. There's much pondering of moves and possible future moves before the ball gets blootered upfield to the tiny pawn that is Defoe or crossfield to the tinier pawn that is Lennon. Maybe Harry's greatest trick was in figuring out that Spurs are really simple folk and can't be bothered with clipboards and tactics."

4.17pm Villas-Boas out!

4.18pm What is it with Spurs? Apart from 2009-10 they have started every season slowly since 2005-06. It might not be unrelated to their tendency to leave transfer business until 11pm on August 31.

4.22pm At least one career trapping Balotelli is in no danger of is the kind of myopic scrutiny Fabregas is subject to, when people notice only the blunders and the shockers, taking the good parts completely for granted," says Phil Podolsky. "His non-performance away to Chelsea last year generated so much more discourse than the tour de force in the Euro final where he quietly painted a picture of unplayability with off-the-ball movement so clever it deserved a PHD in the morphosyntax of some ancient language and close control to rival anyone in world football. Yeah?" What did we do before the internet?

GOAL! West Brom 1-0 Everton (Long 65) Peter Odemwingie's great cross is finished smartly by Shane Long, prompting hundreds of sweaty men to rip up their pools coupons in disgust.

4.40pm If West Brom hang on to their 1-0 lead they will have seven points from three games, an exceptional start in view of their relatively tricky fixtures. In English football No2s generally haven't made good No1s, but Steve Clarke might be an exception.

GOAL! West Brom 2-0 Everton (McAuley 82) Chris Brunt's inswinging corner is headed in by Gareth McAuley, and as things stand West Brom are third in the league.

GOAL! Tottenham 1-1 Norwich (Snodgrass 85) It sounds like Norwich have deserved this, with the excellent Robert Snodgrass scoring the goal. For the second consecutive Saturday, Spurs have conceded a late equaliser at home.

4.55pm It has finished Spurs 1-1 Norwich at White Hart Lane. An impressive result and performance from Norwich. Spurs are left to play catch-up yet again.

4.56pm As the game lurches from one end to the other in injury time at the Liberty Stadium, Michael Laudrup stands on the touchline with a big smile on his face. What a man. At the Hawthorns it has ended West Brom 2-0 Everton. For the time being, West Brom sit third in the table.

4.57pm Another fine game at the Liberty Stadium ends Swansea 2-2 Sunderland.

4.58pm That's the end of the hot 3pm action in the Premier League. Four games, 12 goals, a gold star for West Brom, Norwich and Steven Fletcher. These are the final scores.