Children Counselor : Coral Gables : Miami

What a wonderful gift it is to be a parent, but the latter brings the responsibility to raise them with the ability to live and function in the society in which they live.

What do our children need to learn?

-How to do things by themselves (Independence)

-How to have confidence (Self-esteem)

-How to get along with others (Cooperation)

-How to prepare to learn and attend school (Academic Achievement)

The one truth about children is that they are always changing while they are developing. Therefore, it is important that we learn about the developmental milestones in order to help them complete them successfully.

Parenting Styles

There are various parenting styles and I am going to ask that you review this information and perhaps identify which parenting style you use:

The “Hard” parent – they are very critical and do not understand the limitations of the child. For example, they might say, “Hurry up. You know how to do it. I am in a hurry.”

The “Soft” parent – they are too easy going and do not let the child develop appropriately. For example, they might say, “You are very little to do that, my baby. Here, let me do it”.

The “Ideal” parent – they encourage the child by provide them support when needed. For example, they might say, “That knot appears too tight! Do you want me to help you?”

Parents Need to Learn About Positive Discipline

Learn about the different positive discipline techniques

To discipline is not the same as punishment

To discipline means to learn – it is a time to teach the appropriate behavior

Help your children learn how to make decisions – problem solving & conflict resolution

Learn what are the behavior expectations at the different milestones so that you can prepare

Important to Teach

-Social skills – making friends

-Feelings – be able to express how they feel (happy, sad, frustrated)

-How to identify their feelings and those of others

-How to self-soothe

-How to control anger

-How to solve problems (conflict resolution)

SIMPLE LIST OF TOOLS FOR DIFFICULT CHILDREN

ALWAYS KEEP IT COOL

Address “Choices” they are making – Affirm their ability to make good choices

Address “Feelings and Needs” = Behavior

Tell them what you want them to do “What and Why”

Tell them if it is something that they can be fired at work

Tell them they are Free to Feel whatever they are feeling – however, they cannot do what they want.

Walk them through the “Thinking Process” You can keep doing what you are doing, but if you do you will ____________(describe what would happen).

Outline their choices.

Create a Future for them

Teach them how to think – Empower them

Observe the way you talk to them. ..

“Go slower and walk” instead of “Do not run”

“Give me your hand” instead of “Do not touch anything”

“Maintain your feet on the ground” instead of “Do not go on the sofa”.

“Speak in soft voice inside” instead of “Do not scream”.

When you want them to stop something, say:

Excuse me what are you doing?

Excuse me what did we discuss?

Is that what you are supposed to be doing?

Never touch children, adolescents when they are mad.

THE FAMOUS "I" MESSAGE

The “I” Messages

Tell the child/person how you feel. “I feel furious when you ___________and I want you to _________”. Be sure to include a description of the behavior you want. It is extremely important to model appropriate angry behavior. Many children have never witnessed proper and effective angry behavior. There are far too many opportunities for them to see destructive, aggressive or inappropriate venting of angry feelings.

Example: "I feel frustrated when you leave the clothes on the floor, next time please put the clothes in the hamper".

Dr. von Schirach has experience in working wtih children and families. If you need professional help, please call Dr. von Schirach at 305-993-9413 .