Friday, March 05, 2004

MY THIRD DATE WITH MANDY MOORE

Me: Hey, Mandy.
Mandy: Hiya, Arye. Good to see you.
Me: Yeah... so, what do you want to do?
Mandy: I don't know. What are you in the mood for?
Me: Chinese? Sushi? Pizza?
Mandy: Hmmm....not pizza. That's for sure.
Me: Mandy, you seem a bit distracted. Is everything ok?
Mandy: Yeah, everything is great.
Me: Are you sure? You know, you didn't break up with Andy not too long ago. I understand if things are still hard....
Mandy: Gosh, Arye, I mean...he is a world renowned tennis star. And you're just a freelance writer. Is it wrong if I still think about him?
Me: No, not at all. You know, I can play tennis well.
Mandy: Can you? Like professional? I can hook you up. Get you into the game. Wow, get you a contract. Your own sneaker. Posters. A Nike endorsement. The works.
Me: Mandy, I would do that for you but I am not Andy. You must accept that. Besides, we haven't chosen a place to eat yet.
Mandy: You're right. I'm being silly. I should accept you for what you are. Heck, I should just probably marry you.
Me: Whoa. Mandy, this is only our third date. We should learn things about each other first. Like our respective favorite movies. What our moms are like...our ice cream toppings preference.
Mandy: Rainbow sprinkles. Now, let's get to a chapel.
Me: How about sushi? I know this great little place in...
Mandy: Do you buy bottled water?
Me: Yeah.
Mandy: Why?
Me: How about hamburgers?
Mandy: Medium rare.
Me: Huh?
Mandy: Oh my gosh. Look who's here!
Britney: Hey MANDY!
Mandy: Britney! What is up, girl?
Me: You guys know each other?
Britney: Hey, Arye.
Mandy: You know Britney?
Me: Yeah.
Britney: We dated for a little while. He broke my heart. You dawg!
Me: Well...yeah...you know.
Mandy: Oh golly, is he going to do the same to me? I don't think I could handle that after my break-up with Andy.
Britney: Why do you think I got married? To get over Arye.
Me: Ladies, please. C'mon. This sort of talk is so unnecessary. I think you're both amazing.
Mandy: Wait, hold on a second there, Mr. Dworken. Are you dumping me now...in front of Britney?
Me: No, no, no. It's all good. We're cool...I thought you pop stars were like all enemies.
Britney: Nah, we all love one another. We're the only ones that can relate to each other's vacuous personalities.
Mandy: OH GOSH. You will never believe this!
Mandy and Britney: CHRISTINA!
Christina: 'Sup, girls? How my sistas doin'? Awww yeah.
Mandy: Pretty good.
Britney: Chillin.'
Christina: Hey, Arye.
Mandy and Britney: WHA?
Me: Hey, Christina....yes, we dated too.
Mandy: Look at you.
Britney: You dawg!
Christina: Where you guys going? I was just cruisin' around, lookin' for sometin' to do, yo.
Mandy: Christina, your ghetto talk is becoming so much more convincing. Word up, dawg!
Britney: [giggle]
Me: I'm really hungry and Mandy and I are on a date. We're going to get burgers.
Britney: Can we come?
Christina: Yeah, can we?
Mandy: Yes, yes, yes. You must come with us. Oh my, this will be so so so much fun.
Me: Fine. But let's go before we run into anyone else.
[Mandy, Christina, Britney and Arye walk away]
Janet Jackson: Yo! Guys, wait up.