What to do?

I am 29 and have been married almost 8 years. Me and my husband are 8 years apart. So that means I was 18 and he was 26. We have a 5 year old son and he has a 14 year old from a previous marriage. I don't have the same feelings. He doesn't pick up behind himself I have to pick up behind him. His attitude has changed. I am happier when he is not home. Any advice?

It's a bit hard to comment when Your only complaint is that You pick up after Him. Many of us do this for our Husbands, some more than others - but speaking for myself - I don't enjoy doing laundry but I sure wouldn't leave my Husband because He dirties His clothes and I have to wash them, dry them, fold them and put them away, a real mundane chore to me.
If it's worse than picking up after Him You'll have to tell more.

You say you no longer have the same feelings, do you mean you no longer love him? Not loving him anymore is a big deal and you may be feeling this way because you married so young and feel you missed out on something. If you no longer love him then nothing else matters, but be sure of this before you make any rash decisions. Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it's gone and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Has his attitude changed because he senses you're not happy? Just give this a lot of thought and try talking to your husband, maybe your life has gotten so routine that it's boring for you and maybe him as well. This is common and you can get the romance back if you both want it. Tell him to pick up his own clothing or they don't get washed, my husband would never leave his clothes for me to pick up. But for you to even mention this just says you're not happy, and anything he does or doesn't do irritates you. Give us more information so we can be more help to you. Thanks.

Here we go: He doesn't pick up his clothes they are scattered all through the house, his trash on the tables, he waits for me to get up to ask me to get him something, he asks my 5 yr old to get him a q-tip everytime he wants one, he asks his 14 yr old to get him something to drink while we are still eating, he asks me to get him cigs when he has been in town all day, I go pick up his 14 yr son every other friday for him( this started about 6-8 months after we started dating), he will not go get him at all, and he wants sexually acts during the day while our 5 yr old is awake. His attitude has just gotten worse over the years. He wants another kid but he can't take care of the ones he has now. He hardly does anything with them. The 14 yr old doesn't like to come over half the time. I just have grown up and I see alot now that I didn't back then. I look at him and don't have the same feelings. This has been going on for a couple of years. In March of last year we had a talk and he thought I was going to leave and the next day he came home from work and cleaned the house and he would help me for 1-1 1/2 weeks and then it completely stopped. I went to Jacksonville with my sister and she took me out to eat that night for an early bday dinner and he gets mad at me for coming home at 9pm and him not having anything to eat. That is not the first time. I never go anywhere. I have no friends. I talk to them on facebook but I don't go out at all.

Okay, Well, listen. You got with him when you were pretty young. I'm old fashioned and do think that if we marry and have kids, that it has to be a darn good reason to leave someone such as addiction, cheating, abuse, etc. I do believe in that vow and that when we take it---- getting out of it should be a huge deal.

However, you were but a girl when you married. You probably didn't understand what to look for in a partner for life. I understand that.

I don't think anyone should be absolutely miserable and if you are heading in that direction and he isn't wanting to change---- you're in a position to make some tough choices.

Do you think a therapist would help you sort it out at all? By that I mean that perhaps some of the little things (messy husband, expectations of dinner on the table every night, etc.) are covering some deeper problems--- and if you work on those root causes for the break down of the marriage, things could be fixed??? I don't know but sometimes that works to save a marriage.

Otherwise, I guess you'll have to think about what life would look like without him. Where you'd live, how you'd pay bills, etc. Get a plan together. I wouldn't date for a good long time as you need to live life as an adult for a bit without anyone else getting in the way.

I do wish you luck. You are probably at a cross roads and making these decisions can be stressful. We either have to make or situation better if we are miserable or leave it and move on. I think you are in that spot. good luck dear

He sounds a tad bit controlling and selfish in my opinion. You sounds more like a slave than a wife.

"That is not the first time. I never go anywhere. I have no friends. I talk to them on facebook but I don't go out at all." Well, you have a job and you do have friends and family. He is just against you going out and spending time with others if it will involve you not getting "this and that" done for him.

Well, I would temporarily separate from him and tell him you are serious about things changing. If he says he wants the marriage to work and will do anything then tell him that you all should go to couples' therapy. I think you have gotten to the point where you just resent and loathe your husband and I am not sure if therapy will change this or not.....it might be too late.

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