​In 2012 I went through divorce and went through an experience of letting go of a relationship that lasted for seven years and produced 2 beautiful and incredible children. I had to leave them in the country that they were living in and move to another country and loose daily contact with them. My children were still quite young at the time (five and three) and so it was a very very intense process that I learned a lot from. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if I hadn’t gone through it. It was devastating. I fell into a deep state of depression where I couldn’t find a reason why life should continue and why I should make an effort for life to thrive again and to be something that I can hold on to, that I could make sense of, where there was a structure that could help me be happy again. This experience forced me to really look at finding that inner balance that allowed me to see I could live without my children and be happy.

What I learned was that with a sense of attachment/detachment there needs to be a tremendous amount of acceptance and this was what The Buddha spoke a lot about. There’s no stronger force than the force of acceptance, because acceptance brings a space that leads to gratitude. Once I was able to accept the fact that I wasn’t with my children and that I couldn’t see them on a daily basis, and that I could not even been there when they need me, I was able to live in a more comfortable and peaceful life, in a detached manner away from all those feelings and emotions that were totally getting me in a space of total discomfort, and feeling that I just wanted to start running, screaming and crying at the same time and begging for my life to come back so I could have that sense of unity again. I was only able to be again happy when I was able to move to a space of acceptance.

OK, life is very hard, it could have been worse but it was already so devastating but I accepted it and the interesting part is that once I accepted reality as it was, I was actually able to not only feel happy for the new constellation that my children were placed in, but I also started to feel that it was a loving space conducive to their growth, to their physical, mental and spiritual growth. From not wanting the reality I was living came a space of acceptance.​I strongly believe (because it’s my own experience) that there has never been a better time to put detachment into practice, the detachment from things that we think we own (or have the perception that we own) such as people or objects. Once I stepped into what I call the easy flow, which is this underlying current of energy that is universal, I did not only became more relaxed but also found this sense of acceptance, this sense of detachment which allowed me to live a life which is more grounded. I realised I can live life more on my own terms and be happy with it. I was tremendously helped throughout the six years process which allowed me to basically take my life on my own hands and decide what I wanted to do in a practical way.

What I feel is so important for me to develop in this moment is to help people transform their lives in the same way my life has been transformed, and like my mind has been adjusted to my new daily routine. Many times we really need to ask ourselves what is stopping us from doing the things we really want to do in life, and really taking the steps towards fulfilling our dreams. If there is anything that is stopping you, you can ask yourself if it is your fear. Be really clear about what are you afraid of and be self-conscious about what that means for you and what kind of impact it is bringing to your life. Once you are able to be detached from fear, fear will not stop knocking at your door though. It is only a matter of self-awareness and how to deal with the emotions that come up when we are afraid.

We have a space inside our brains called the reptilian brain (the oldest part of our brain) which controls the body’s vital functions such as heart rate, breathing, body temperature and balance. The reptilian brain is reliable but tends to be somewhat rigid and compulsive and it regulates the fight or flight response. Once this innate mechanism is ignited it releases hormones such as adrenaline, which rushes through our bodies when there is danger. The point I’m tryinh to make is that fear is a very practical tool that we have that triggers the fight or flight response but it doesn’t have to be that we are still running away from wild animals when we are living in concrete jungles and having to deal with the day-to-day jobs and chores. In the end it’s really really important to be clear about what you fear so you are actually able to make decisions, take action, move beyond your comfort zone and look the fear in the eye and really analyse it so that you can ultimately come to space that I came to realise: what is the real fear about?​It is my personal experience that we have unlimited potential to put things into practice even if we fear the outcome of our actions. There is no money in the world that can pay for you being you and you doing the best that you do in whatever area you are best at. By focusing on what you’re good at removes your fears and allows you to be totally happy and move forward towards realising your dreams.

Author

Hi, my name is Wahido Marata and I am a CLC, CCC, Certified Life & Career Coach by the ICF (International Coach Federation) committed to helping entrepreneurs go beyond struggles, limiting belief systems, boost their self-confidence, motivation and self-awareness. My goal is to assist entrepreneurs to create a strong mindset that allows them to exponentially increase their social media presence, create a massive action plan, resources and strategies to grow their business, learn how to generate more leads and sales online, learn how to make a bigger impact in the world with their work and increase revenue, learn how to build a solid rock reputation and how to grow and monetise instagram and other social media platforms. Get my free 30 minutes Accelerator Coaching Session www.wahidomarata.com/free-session.html

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What do you think are the biggest differences between people that succeed and people that do not succeed (without trying to quantify what success is, as it depends on the context and people’s perceptions and belief systems of what success means?)

I’m just trying to bring awareness to the fact that certain mindsets and certain belief systems can really be detrimental for us human beings to reach or achieve our goals and aspirations or put into practice whatever we need or want to put into practice.​According to the dictionary.com website, the definition of a mindset is:

​“A fixed mental attitude or disposition that predetermines a person’s responses to and interpretations of situations.”

My personal understanding of this statement is that the power we have to follow certain belief systems (both consciously and unconsciously) is translated many times in how we face our problems or challenges. In the end it relates to our interpretation or perception of what the challenge is and how to overcome it. This is what is going to actually set the path or pave the road in order for us to achieve the outcome of what we want to achieve in life.​We all basically have common things that we have to deal with, in any stage of our lives, in any kind of profession or any kind of age. We always have to face challenges, obstacles and struggles; we always have to use different amounts of effort and focus to achieve our goals; we always have to face criticism (not only our own but from others); and we always have to deal with the success of others.

Whichever mindset you apply in any of these situations will set the pace of how you deal with any aspect of life.

There are many different kinds of mindsets that we can apply in our lives. And many times they either complement each other or they go against each other. You can have, for example, a fixed mindset in one spectrum of the equation and in the other spectrum you could have a growth mindset. The first has fixed ideas, strong and inflexible belief systems, whereas the other is open minded, flexible, adjustable and free to choose different paths.

The same with winners and losers mindsets, the same with a proactive and a retroactive mindset; the opposite of introverted will be extroverted, so you can have an introverted mindset or you can have an introverted mindset. You can have a mindset of being fearful all the time or you can have the mindset of being brave and courageous; you can have a mindset of a dreamer or you can have a mindset of being realistic. Of course, these are not totally the opposite and of course being a dreamer doesn’t mean that you are not realistic. You can be a dreamer and be realistic at the same time but just to give you examples of different types of mindsets that oppose each other.

You can have the mindset of a follower or a mindset of a leader; you can have a mindset of a greedy person or a person that focuses on gratitude. You can have a positive creative mindset or you can have a negative, boring mindset (in the sense that you don’t focus on creative aspects but you focus mainly on the grey aspects of life.) You can have the mindset of being confident, being sure about yourself and being trusting or you can have a mindset of being doubtful. You can have a mindset of being optimistic or a mindset of being pessimistic.

Where do you see yourself? In all the mindsets written above, do you see yourself in one spectrum or the other? And why do you think it is important to see yourself with a certain mindset? Another question that is interesting is: do you think all the mindsets, the most positive and the most empowering mindsets work in all situations? For instance, if you have a business, does one specific mindset work better in your business rather then in your relationships? Would one mindset work in your business in the same way that it works towards your health and fitness? Think about what kind of mindsets you’re actually focused on and which ones serve your best interests and which ones do not help you and empower you.​In the end, what I’m suggesting is that you see which mindset is appropriate to adopt for any given situation you face in your life, in a conscious way. Be really specific. And if you don’t have that mindset in place, there is something required, which is to make a mind shift.

Mind shifts only happen with awareness and again and again I find a must to create awareness of the situations that are happening in our lives, either consciously or subconsciously. Practicing self-awareness is perhaps one of the most important things to apply in our lives nowadays specially with so much information out there. There are so many different tips and tools being offered by this expert and that expert that we need an enormous amount of discernment to decide what we are going to use in our lives. We need to decide which kind of mindset(s) we are going to adopt and which kind of struggles and which kind of challenges or which kind of criticisms we are actually going to learn from.

There is nothing like being aware of the situations you are facing in order to grow from them. This is why I don’t believe in failure really, this is why I don’t believe in not succeeding because there is always a lesson, and once you learn the lesson or once you are able to take the lesson from the situation then you will always be a winner because you will always learn. And what is learning by the way? What is receiving knowledge? Is the capacity to actually use and put into practice what you learn and gather knowledge from. Once you learn something you are able to put it into practice, either consciously or subconsciously.

We are not robots and we cannot just program our subconscious and have it work for us in any given moment… or can we? This is an amazing question because in the end whatever you program your brain to do, or you mind to do, or whatever you program your mindset to be, whatever type of mindset you choose to adopt in any given situation is actually what is going to pave the road for you to achieve your goals, for you to be a better person and a more conscious and aware person in any given moment.

I will leave you with this question: which of the mindset types do you identify mostly? Here are some examples:​

Fixed or Growth mindset

Winner or Loser mindset

Proactive or Retroactive mindset

Introvert or Extrovert mindset

Fearful or Brave and Courageous mindset

Dreamer or a Realistic mindset

Follower or Leader mindset

Greedy or Gratitude mindset

Creative or Boring mindset

Confidence or Self-Doubt mindset

Optimistic or Pessimistic mindset

Adopting a mindset is always subjective not only to the personality of the person but to the situation. In any case, and there is always a but, there is always the same sort of aspects that we have to deal with: challenges, obstacles and struggles, effort, criticism and success of others. We always have to deal with these and by dealing with these we need to find what mindset actually helps us better to endure the challenges, to overcome the obstacles and struggles, to focus where we want to put our efforts in, to know how to take criticism (to learn from the criticism and not being attached to it or putting ourself down because of criticism,) and to deal with the success of others.

On another note, we all share one type of mindset, which is innate to being human, the mindset of always wanting to be the best at what we do. Nowadays we are raised to be the best and to be the winners and to fight others. If before we were taught fight in order to be the strongest, now we are fighting to have the biggest ego or to have the biggest amount of money in our bank account, have the most expensive items, have the biggest house, have the most successful and harmonious happy family, with dogs and pets and all sorts of things, and having the most expensive holidays anyone can think of.

What is your IQ and what is your EQ? This is what is relevant today and this is how we have been raised. My question is how can we remove ourselves from this kind of mindset that we need to be the winners to be fulfilled? If we realize that we just need to be happy with ourselves and be doing what we love to do, we can then choose to adopt mindsets that empower us to be our best selves. I do not believe we need to be earning as much money as possible. It is my conviction that we need to be happy and need to have the feeling that we are giving the most and bringing value to other people’s lives. When we do what we do because we love what we do and we are contribution for a better world then we achieve a sense of fulfilment. If you’re happy with the family that you have created, if you are happy with your income and with the outcome of your actions then I believe that you’re much happier then the billionaire that is totally unhappy with their health, with their spouse, with their children, with their businesses etc.​Think about what you value and think about what mindset you’re going to adopt in order to put forth that energy that focuses on what you value.

Author

Hi, my name is Wahido Marata and I am a CLC, CCC, Certified Life & Career Coach by the ICF (International Coach Federation) committed to helping entrepreneurs go beyond struggles, limiting belief systems, boost their self-confidence, motivation and self-awareness. My goal is to assist entrepreneurs to create a strong mindset that allows them to exponentially increase their social media presence, create a massive action plan, resources and strategies to grow their business, learn how to generate more leads and sales online, learn how to make a bigger impact in the world with their work and increase revenue, learn how to build a solid rock reputation and how to grow and monetise instagram and other social media platforms. Get my free 30 minutes Accelerator Coaching Session www.wahidomarata.com/free-session.html

​Join Wahido's Newsletter!

​Here's what you'll get from my newsletters!

• Discounts on my products and services.• Exclusive information and content, which only my subscribers receive.• Valuable tips, book recommendations, tools I use & much more.• You will be informed about what’s happening on my blog, podcast and YouTube channel.• You will be the first in line to be informed about upcoming FREE webinars.• Stay in touch with me and share the love ❤️​

​The other day I took a car ride and the person driving asked me a very interesting question, and the question was about death. It was very interesting for me to hear this question because it's a theme that I don't really think about much. I was always fascinated though with the concept of death and the sense of attachment in life.

​The question that was asked of me on this car ride was what did I think about death, if I fear death, if I have any relationship to death. I have dealt with death directly when my grandparents and grand-uncles died and the closest I have been to death was when I went through divorce and having to let go of being with my children on a daily basis. I was forced to look at the attachment I had created around my children and marriage, something absolutely normal and human.

When everything is secure everything is easily controllable and somehow we feel we can dictate how things are going to turn out. Once I got divorced I was no longer able to know what was happening with my children and was having to deal with the reality and the fact that I had to change my life, and this change was required from within.

This experience created a very strong impression on me regarding attachment and as the Buddhists heard from the teachings of The Buddha, sooner or later (in order for us to work and grow spiritually as individuals) we need to look at this sense of attachment to life and enhance our self-development through a process of detachment from physical/material possessions.

If you think about death from a pragmatic perspective, you can understand that death isn’t really a tangible concept or experience. We have heard stories of people that have gone through coma, and which, sort of, have been in a space where there was somehow a connection to a depth that they were not ever able to understand or get in touch with through their conscious mind.

​When you look at the concept of death you might realise that the only way to know death is to actually die, and that it is almost impossible for someone to die and come back to life and really be able to tell what's on the other side of the fence. Many people say they have gone through it and they have amazing experiences and I really validate those experiences from a non rational perspective. To validate my belief that there is an after life I can go a step further and say that I've got in contact with alive spiritual teachers who have tapped into a conscious state which is beyond life and death.

Without having the experience of death one cannot know what death is but people still fear death, isn’t this true? It is like someone saying they do not like water before even try it, or being afraid to be close to a cliff although you’re safe and deep inside know nothing will happen, or… being afraid of pancakes. I find that fact quite interesting, the thoughts in people’s minds when they fear death. What I've realised is that people don't actually fear death, what they fear is what they either will lose or gain through experiences that lead to death. Lets face it, once you die, you die. What we know from science is that our whole body stops functioning and something happens to our consciousness. Whatever happens prior to death is what we actually need to look at. What I believe people actually fear about death is the fear of being alive when death approaches, the fear of suffering, the fear of not being in control of what is happening with our physical and mental bodies and basically that kind of force that takes over and kills the body and kills everything that the body contains, like you mind, your thoughts, your emotions, physical organs, hormones, glands, bones, flesh, etc.

​What I believe is the only way to deal with death is to be detached not only of the thoughts around death but detached from the fear of the unknown and everything that comes in between. Hence why I speak about Buddhism because they beautifully expanded this theme of detachment and it's one of the basic teachings of The Buddha and Buddhism religion that we hear about nowadays. This detachment allows us to understand that there is lots we can do in a practical way to deal with attachments and these attachments are of physical things (either objects or people.) By practicing detachment we manifest the inner space that allows us to be able to live without the things we are attached to, so that we don't feel that pull, that energetic pull toward the things we are attached to. Usually people speak about a “chakra” call the solar plexus, which creates the connection with possession and where the pull to possess something comes from. Working with these aspects of yourself is one of the ways to not only get into a space of contentment and fulfilment but also a space of relaxation, freedom from anxiety and gratitude. Practice gratitude rather than fear. Ultimately where you place your energy is what creates your reality.

Author

Hi, my name is Wahido Marata and I am a CLC, CCC, Certified Life & Career Coach by the ICF (International Coach Federation) committed to helping entrepreneurs go beyond struggles, limiting belief systems, boost their self-confidence, motivation and self-awareness. My goal is to assist entrepreneurs to create a strong mindset that allows them to exponentially increase their social media presence, create a massive action plan, resources and strategies to grow their business, learn how to generate more leads and sales online, learn how to make a bigger impact in the world with their work and increase revenue, learn how to build a solid rock reputation and how to grow and monetise instagram and other social media platforms. Get my free 30 minutes Accelerator Coaching Session www.wahidomarata.com/free-session.html

​Join Wahido's Newsletter!

​Here's what you'll get from my newsletters!

• Discounts on my products and services.• Exclusive information and content, which only my subscribers receive.• Valuable tips, book recommendations, tools I use & much more.• You will be informed about what’s happening on my blog, podcast and YouTube channel.• You will be the first in line to be informed about upcoming FREE webinars.• Stay in touch with me and share the love ❤️​

​One night I was visited in my dreams by a professional boxer who was letting me know of a very positive and concrete way to create change in my life. I was so thrilled to receive this message from the subconscious mind that I have put together a powerful yet simple exercise that I named SSD — Step Up, Step Up & Step Down. This exercise brings clarity and clear focus on how to create change in one’s life. Plus it gave me insight about choices and specially the choices we make on a daily basis.

It is very interesting for me the meaning behind the metaphor of having a boxer letting me know how to change my life. For me it represents the one who is fighting, in a professional way, right? Get it? Yes, I am a fighter and have been fighting all my life, not only with exterior situations in life and their circumstances but with the inner realms of existence as well, i.e. not finding inner peace and a sense of inner harmony and balance. I am sure you can relate to these words, as I believe in a way or another that we all have this fighter inside ourselves, the fighter that wants to do things in its own way and wants to control all situations, and I mean all situations. The sense of control, the sense of pride, many times connected to anger and violence. But in this case, in my dream, the boxer came through with a very positive attitude and with a clear step by step guide to create change. It came with an empowering strength and ability to motivate me and make me see how to create change.

​But what did the boxer tell me in the end anyway? What is this story all about and why I think it has significant meaning and value to your life? Because the boxer told me that there are 3 ways to change one’s reality. These 3 ways can also be considered steps as one leads to another and they complement themselves. These steps, if applied, can create awareness on how to create change. All you have to do afterwards is take action and execute.

And since this information came to me through a dream, I believe it to be even more powerful and significant, as it did not come from my rational mind trying to figure our ways to help myself and others. All I had to do was to write what came to me through the dream and put it into practice in my life.

Here they are:

Create a list of 3 things that you do not do on a daily basis that you would like to do.

Create a list of 3 things that you do on a daily basis that you would like to improve, to do better.

Create a list of 3 things that you do on a daily basis that you would like to let go of.

The first 2 steps will empower you to step up in life, to create positive change so that the focus is on the positive rather than to follow the negative bias of the brain, where the focus is to resolve the problems, the issues in life, and in the majority of cases in a negative and fearful way. By focusing on the positive qualities in life, in yourself and in the things you do, you reenforce the way the neutrons in your brain fire and wire, in order to produce more of what you have to offer to yourself and the world rather than the perceived negatives in life. The 3rd step also empowers you as it enables you to let go of what does not serve the higher purpose in your life, and what I call step down.

But how to create change in your life? And make it in a way that it is tangible and, ideally, permanent? What is the “secret” step that can be taken in order to create positive change? Is it something that is done on the outside or the inside?

Say you wrote the 3 things on each of the lists, you created awareness about what you want to like to do more often, what you would like to improve in your life and what to let go of, what is next? To create change one needs to… create change. There is no method or technique, period. You simply have to decide inside that the change needs to happen, that it is a must rather than a should, that it needs to happen no matter what, like your life depends on it. Which means that in the end it is about choice, and when we see that we actually have a choice then we are empowered with one of the strongest forces in the universe. When we understand we have choice, a part of ourselves also relaxes and takes things in life more lightly and in a more focused way. Anxiety softens a bit, the levels of cortisol and adrenalin also lower so that natural occurring hormones such as dopamine and can be more abundant in your brain, in order to create a sense of well-being and joy.

The fact is that you can’t wait for change to knock at your door, you have to empower yourself to make it happen. You have to go out there and realise your potential rather than wait for it to pop up from somewhere. You can wait for it to flourish and suddenly expect it to jump out one morning and say to you, “Hey, here I am! Now you are changed and changed forever, you achieved it! Now you can be happy, joyous and live in bliss, no more worries and suffering!”… but you might have to wait a long time before this happens, if it actually happens. For sure it will be helpful and empowering to take the above steps that lead you to take further steps and see the changes happen inside and outside before your eyes, even if they are micro steps and micro changes. For example, in order to loose weight, it is not enough to wait for the weight to simply disappear from one moment to the other or for the cravings to be long gone. To get free from an addiction it is not enough to simply expect it to be gone from one moment to the other, it requires some action from your side, and as you might be aware of, massive action.

Another example is to see how life presents itself to you in a positive way. Often people get triggered in traffic, for instance, when the car in front is too slow and you are in a hurry. The first thing that the mind thinks is, “Why is this happening to me? I am already late and do not need a slow car in front of me!” or, “My Karma is so heavy that now I will have to get late for my meeting, get told off by my boss and feel so silly, ashamed and guilty for doing the wrong thing… and it wasn’t even my fault…” My question is, in these situations (and there are millions of such situations) do I need to engage in such reactive ways? What is happening inside ourselves in those moments that does not allow us to accept the situations as they are and flow with what life is giving to us in that moment? Perhaps we do not need to react to every single situation and jump to conclusions such as, “It’s my Karma” or, “I am going to get into trouble for this situation” and simply say, “Oh, there is traffic, perhaps someone got hurt, let me send them some healing energy to the person” or, “This is a very long traffic jam, let me focus on what I can do and relax in this comfortable car seat and perhaps the traffic will flow better.”

​The third step allows us to let go of preconceived ideas about what is happening to us and why. Letting them go opens the understanding that life has a deeper and more profound meaning that can teach us something we are not yet seeing. It opens up the space for self-awareness of what is not serving our deepest purpose in life, and what is blocking our energy. When we are fighting ourself with limiting belief systems (conscious and unconscious) we are not able to easily flow towards our goals, but with awareness about these limiting belief systems we are able to see clearly what is going on and consciously decide where we would like to put our energy.

Note: You can start with 3 or more things you would like to change in each list, it is up to you. Sometimes starting with things that you can immediately change is better as the mind and the brain recognise instant change and this makes the reenforcement of change more tangible from the beginning. And it is very important to remember that in order to create change one needs to be patient, persistent and disciplined as change might not happen from one moment to the other. And once change happens there is the need to keep the change long lasting, so to keep giving the steps that lead you to freedom.

Author

Hi, my name is Wahido Marata and I am a CLC, CCC, Certified Life & Career Coach by the ICF (International Coach Federation) committed to helping entrepreneurs go beyond struggles, limiting belief systems, boost their self-confidence, motivation and self-awareness. My goal is to assist entrepreneurs to create a strong mindset that allows them to exponentially increase their social media presence, create a massive action plan, resources and strategies to grow their business, learn how to generate more leads and sales online, learn how to make a bigger impact in the world with their work and increase revenue, learn how to build a solid rock reputation and how to grow and monetise instagram and other social media platforms. Get my free 30 minutes Accelerator Coaching Session www.wahidomarata.com/free-session.html

​Join Wahido's Newsletter!

​Here's what you'll get from my newsletters!

• Discounts on my products and services.• Exclusive information and content, which only my subscribers receive.• Valuable tips, book recommendations, tools I use & much more.• You will be informed about what’s happening on my blog, podcast and YouTube channel.• You will be the first in line to be informed about upcoming FREE webinars.• Stay in touch with me and share the love ❤️