Engaged but alone

Hey all. I just got engaged this past weekend and I couldn’t be more…disappointed?

I didn’t have high expectations for my engagement. But, I thought I would still have a fun weekend to celebrate with his friends and family. They didn’t come down to celebrate once we got engaged and it doesn’t look like it’s happening this weekend eitherl My fiance and I decided not to see each other this upcoming weekend as he is looking to move into a new apartment in a new city. Today he went to find the apartment. Fortunately, he found one and will be moving into it on April 3. He had hoped he could move into it on Friday and do the majority of the moving this weekend before he starts his job on Tuesday. Seeing as this isn’t happening, I am a bit upset that he hasn’t seen it necessary that his family and he drive 2 hours to celebrate with my family and I. They always talk about how they are due to come over and spent time with my family since I always go see them for every holiday and all of my breaks from school. It seems a bit selfish and definitely is not how I want to go into my engagement. I would like to see an initiative on their side and especially from my fiance!! We just got engaged not only a week ago. I wouldn’t have minded if he was busy moving stuff but he won’t be actively moving anything for about 3 days so I don’t understand why they can’t all just come down for 1-2 days since I had told FI that it was important to me.

His mom went to a pageant the day we got engaged. Was a bit upset FI didn’t invite dad and her to celebrate at night with us. 6 months ago, I said I wanted my family and his to be there.

UPDATE: I casually asked “What are you doing this weekend.” His response? “I don’t know yet. I thought I’d be moving this weekend.” This comes about 2 days after I said “Your family and mine should get together soon.” <br />I know some might not understand the celebration aspect but I wanted it and I asked for it. I think this needs to be worked out in a calm, sit-down manner.

talk to him And tell him how you feel. usually when there’s a big life event you want to share it with your whole family! And now you have more family cause it includes his side. Hopefully y’all can go to a nice dinner and talk about the proposal and what not. I would have been sad if no one had at least acted excited about our engagement.

MrsN14: No offense but unlike some people on this site, I don’t only want a ring and an engagement. There is so much, in my opinion, that comes along with that such as one another’s company and our spirituality, friends and family. So far, I have only seen 1 friend and I want to celebrate with family as well. I will NOT apologize for that.

It’s kind of unrealistic to expect everyone to drop everything to celebrate your engagement. If that is very important to you then throw an engagement party and invite people. But you should host it (pay for it) and make it clear that no gifts are expected (Because it’s generally in poor taste to throw your own engagement party— someone else really should host but engagement parties in general just a rent very common any more).

Horseradish: Not asking them to drop anything! The women on this site are VERY quick to jump to conclusions. I simply said that I wish my FI would have conveyed the msg to his parents to come down. They would prob have been very interested in coming down rather than seeing a pageant.

exoticchic: I get it, my FI knew how much i’d want to celebrate with family so he proposed the night before we had a big family gathering so I/we could share that special with them. He knew it was important to me.

In all honesty its highly likely he just doesn’t get that its a big deal to you (my FI certainly doesn’t get certain things I do or want but luckily he just goes along with it haha)

Some people unfortunately just don’t do things the way you would (which I have certainly learnt, sometimes you just have to suck it up and live with it! which sucks i know..) or maybe they think that you’d just want this time alone with your new fiance??

Like you said, have a chat with him about it. You may just end up needing to be the one who initiates/organises it which isn’t terrible. I did with my FI’s family and at the end of the day it didn’t matter who organised it, we still had a lovely time celebrating!

It’s one thing to want to have a nice dinner out, or have an engagement party one evening (even then I think people usually have more notice than 1 week before they have the event), but you want them to come down for a couple of days to celebrate your engagement? And this is while he’s preparing to move?

I’ll be happy to send a card, give a call, bring a small present to an engagement party where i”ve had adequate notice – sure, but I’m not up for going somewhere for a couple of days to celebrate anyone’s engagement within my family. I guess that makes me a scrooge.

Since it doesn’t seem to be happening, it must be more than they’re willing to do as well. Sounds like it may be time for you and he to have a discussion and find that compromise.

what reason do you want all of the family to come down now? Assuming they can come at any time, why now? do you feel like maybe you are longing for some type of for lack of better words, compensation, or just for them to acknowledge you and welcome you? You mentioned always spending time with them so I am confused as to why its so important they come down now. Do you have any doubts regarding their feelings toward you? or do you just want your family to spend some time with his now that you two are becoming a new “family”? Or are you just pissed at your FI that you didnt get the proposal you wanted with all of your family there? or am I completely off??

Im sure everyone is happy you all are engaged, whether or not they immediately come to spend time or not, it doesnt take away from the fact that you are engaged and presumably they are happy. Dont take it personally & it isnt a slight towards you that they went to a pageant.

Not sure if the families have ever met before, but it’s true that it’s customary for families to try to meet after an engagement. Of course that’s not always immediately possible or possible at all. Generally, one family or set of parents extends the invitation to the other. Traditionally, it was the groom’s parents who called the bride’s. Today either side, or the couple themselves can initiate.

But in this case if you have made it clear that you think this should be on your parents’ home turf, his folks may be waiting for a specific invitation from yours. I agree that a get together is a very nice thing to do.

exoticchic: I think you need to step back and look at this for what it is. You just got engaged. You have plenty of time for your families to meet. Are you from a culture where it is normal for both families to immediately celebrate an engagement? Honestly, most people don’t have big get togethers with both families just days after the proposal. I agree with PP. Sit your FI down and nail down a date/time when both families can meet and get together.

I just hope you aren’t going into this expecting everyone to be as excited about your wedding as you are. If you are getting yourself that worked about this, wedding planning is going to be a lot of drama for you.

exoticchic: or maybe they preferred to go to the pagent? Who knows? But I think it is time for the cliche line of nobody cares as much about your engagement, wedding, baby’s birth or other life event as you do. And they are not obligated to. Have all the expectations that you want but you need to realise that they are your expectations not anyone elses. Sometimes we are the ones that need to change what we expect out of a situation not the other people.