There are in fact many people, who, despite the perpetrator not expressing remorse, say they forgive. For instance Rebecca DeMauro, whose daughter was brutally murdered, explains how she decided to forgive following a long process of tormented grief which left her depleted and looking for another way forward. She says, "I knew if something didn't change I would be in the graveyard, dead from a broken heart, next to my little daughter."

In this sense forgiveness means not allowing the pain of the past dictate the path of the future; understanding that life is morally complicated, people behave in despicable ways, and that some things are inexplicable. At its most basic forgiveness is about acceptance and letting go.

So why might Rebecca DeMauro, and others who have never received an apology, choose to forgive? Is it because they recognize something distorted and broken in the perpetrator that might be traced back to childhood? A belief perhaps that a child's moral growth can be thrown off course by trauma and deprivation, storing up problems for society that explode when these children become angry adults. I have noticed that people who forgive tend to look upon those who have committed atrocious acts not as evil monsters but -- to borrow a phrase from Shakespeare -- as "ruined pieces of nature". And, in that space of brokenness, some find room for forgiveness.