Friday, 28 October 2011

Eiffel Envy

Kitsch kitsch kitsch. If you live in Paris, there's no getting away from... Paris.

And this was in a bookshop! Well, it was an American one, but still. Do they really think their anglophone customers are going to skip off with the latest Dan Brown under one arm and a grotesquely oversized model of the Eiffel Tower bustling for baguette space under the other?

Seems like they do.

I'd love to meet the family that would actually welcome one of these things into their home. Or maybe be surprised during a sophisticated soirée to find a towering metal monster tucked away in a corner masquerading as a béret stand. (Because all French people wear berets, y'know.)

"Umm, excuse me," I'd whisper conspiratorially, having tactfully pulled them aside. "You do realise there's a grossely kitsch 'Eiffel Tower' in the corner of your apartment, don't you?" I'd say, before mocking them mercilessly for their flagrant lack of good taste.

But, alas, I never have, and may never will, and will have to live with it. Or rather 'without' it. Because, you know what? In my heart of hearts, and despite my mocking, it's just symptomatic of a chronic case of Eiffel envy.

In fact, I'd love to have a flipping great Paris icon in the corner of my living room. Just think of the advantages: bye bye the annual Christmas tree trek; super practical for drying shirts on; envious glances from covetous Americans just passing through... And best of all, dead easy to conceal with hats and coats whenever French friends come around. The summits of bad taste do have a serious downside, after all.