Laich: Gun-Shy Teammate Had to Drink 6 Beer to Give Urine Sample

NUBBS CITY, Md. (CBSDC) – One of the greatest things about Brooks Laich coming on with the Junkies every week is him telling stories that are great for sports fans, as well as stories that are awesome just for radio, which would never really warrant a headline.

Fortunately this blog allows me the freedom to cover both.

When on with the Junkies Wednesday – in light of a recent story about Mike Tyson using a whizzinator (a prosthetic prop designed to hold clean urine) to evade failed drug tests – Laich was asked about the drug testing process in the NHL, and how close in proximity the urine collector stands to players as they’re administering urine.

“Ok, so here’s what happens, we show up at the rink, we can be drug tested any day of the year and from one time a year, mandatory at least once, up to three times a year, and also during playoffs,” Laich explained the basics of the league’s policy. “And then, now with the new CBA we can be drug tested in the summer.”

“And I don’t think, you’d never get away with it,” he said of one harnessing oneself with a whizzinator.

“Basically, you have to lift your shirt up to your chin, so basically guys just take their shirt off, and then you have to drop your shorts to the floor and the guy stands there close enough to see if you’ve got a freckle or not,” Laich said.

EB: So they can see everything?

Cakes: So they’re right up in there?

EB: It’s like a doctor’s exam.

Brooks: Oh yea. Like he could reach out there and help you out.

EB: Oh my God.

Lurch: That’d by awkward.

EB: Do you resent that? Cause that’s so invasive, or do you just like ‘It’s part of the deal’ and it’s okay, you don’t care.

Brooks: Yea, no, I mean it’s part of the deal and it’s okay. But some guys have trouble, I mean I remember one player; this was the first year that they implemented it, one of the guys I remember had to drink six beer after practice before he could go.

Cakes: Six beers?

I’m pretty sure Brooks pluralizing ‘beer’ as ‘beer’ has come up on the show before, but even still, this break should be enough to call attention to it.

Brooks: Yea, he was so nervous that he couldn’t go, and he couldn’t go, and time added up, and time added up, and then he just started crushing six beer to loosen up.

Cakes: Hold on! He couldn’t drink water?! He had to have beer?

Brooks: Well no, he could, he was drinking water. He had the resources to go but he didn’t, mentally he couldn’t get over it.