The Prying Game

Want to end your relationship in a flash? I have three words for you: invasion of privacy. Prying, spying, snooping, and lying — peeking, creeping, planning, and sneaking. A new rap by Dr. Seuss? No, not quite.

Think of them as the perfect formula to kill a relationship. Of course we all know it, but we do it anyway. Our mothers taught us right from wrong yet we still run with scissors, use profanity and put our elbows on the table. Even I, on one occasion I can recall, have been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

So why do we play the prying game? Plain old curiosity for one, but the root cause is linked more often to envy, jealousy, spite, suspicion, or even vengeance. The following sermon is intended to persuade you to take the road less traveled, or else risk being left out in the cold.

get past her past

Whereas the average man will sing like a canary after the most innocuous sexual escapade, women have perfected the art of concealing miscellaneous flings and filing them under "never happened." Blame it on social conditioning; the reality is that it is accepted, if not encouraged, for men to sleep around while women are still raised to associate sexual expression with shame.

The end result is a backlash, as more and more women explore their freedom and thumb their nose at a culture that has sought to repress them. So what does this have to do with you — the boyfriend? For your sake, nothing I hope.

The point is that if your woman is down for whatever in the "get your freak on" department, you are not her first partner. Or her second. Or even her third. Just be happy to be getting some quality booty and let slide any questions you have about her sexual history. Trust me, no number of partners will appease you. Men tend to be hypocrites that way.

If you have slept with fifteen women and she tells you she has had four partners — including oral sex — you may just go ballistic on her. Chalk it up to human nature. So unless you have an intestinal fortitude of steel, leave her past in the vault. A smart man knows that sex is better when his woman has her share of dirt too.

pass on passwords

I have no idea when sharing voice mail and e-mail passwords became en vogue or why, but I can attest to the existence of the phenomenon. I can also state with conviction that the practice has no intrinsic value. Why would you even want to intrude in that domain or have the same done to you?

Some areas were meant to remain private; voice mailboxes and e-mail accounts are two prime examples. The downside outweighs any potential benefit and I doubt there is one at that. I have witnessed the demise of a relationship because of a misunderstanding that grew out of password sharing.

The cause for concern and even heartache is inevitable — a message from a past lover or boyfriend will arrive one day — believe me. But if the relationship has been built on a foundation of mutual respect and trust, there should be nothing to discuss or worry about. Let her deal with her business and in turn, do likewise.