July 14, 2011

Baby Got Back.

First of all, I was at a bar watching the ESPYs on a tiny fuzzed out TV screen and totally recognized Serena from her backside. I have witnesses. It was pretty cool.

Second, like whoa. I bow down, girl. There's a reason you were Kanye's muse. Anyone who wants to talk about JLo having a lump can just STFU because Serena's is, like, out of this world POW. Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT. Look at that thing! It would make an amazing beer pong table. I want to rest my lukewarm, half-empty can of Coke Zero on it and watch it magically move backstage. Some poor soul who works for IKEA rolled into work this morning with an urgent voicemail telling him to conduct scientific research on the structural integrity of that ass to determine how they can make shelves that don't disintegrate under the weight of the complete set of Christopher Pike novels.

What? Yeah. I read them. Shut up. It was the closest thing to porn when you're 12 years old.

Anyway. All I'm saying is that ass is magnificent and Serena fucking rocked it last night.

Speaking of rocks, let's just say the WTA could change their slogan to "Bigger Is Better":

Comments

First of all, I was at a bar watching the ESPYs on a tiny fuzzed out TV screen and totally recognized Serena from her backside. I have witnesses. It was pretty cool.

Second, like whoa. I bow down, girl. There's a reason you were Kanye's muse. Anyone who wants to talk about JLo having a lump can just STFU because Serena's is, like, out of this world POW. Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT. Look at that thing! It would make an amazing beer pong table. I want to rest my lukewarm, half-empty can of Coke Zero on it and watch it magically move backstage. Some poor soul who works for IKEA rolled into work this morning with an urgent voicemail telling him to conduct scientific research on the structural integrity of that ass to determine how they can make shelves that don't disintegrate under the weight of the complete set of Christopher Pike novels.

What? Yeah. I read them. Shut up. It was the closest thing to porn when you're 12 years old.

Anyway. All I'm saying is that ass is magnificent and Serena fucking rocked it last night.

Speaking of rocks, let's just say the WTA could change their slogan to "Bigger Is Better":