Devout drivers

Published: Wednesday, April 24, 2013 at 08:00 AM.

You’re never too old to learn a new universal truth. My learning moment just occurred. Truth be known, I’m not the world’s slowest driver, so, when I get pasted like I’m standing still by a little economy car doing an estimated 90 to 100 mph, weaving in and out of lanes in a 45 mph zone on State 77 into Lynn Haven, I take notice. I also noticed that car’s destination up the road. I will disclose where it was going after I note that I encountered TWO more completely similar circumstances on the way home.

The Universal Truth for today: The most reckless (or wreckful), lethally dangerous, absolutely bat-crazy drivers on the road are ... late-for-church Christians! I couldn’t believe it! One can only assume the obvious reasons: 1) “God will not allow a policeman to arrest me on the way to church;” 2) “Everyone else, driving the speed limit, is not heading to church — they’re going to hell!”; and finally 3) “If I kill and/or get killed, Lord knows I’ll be forgiven and welcomed at heaven’s gate.” All good Christian no-lose, no-brainer reasons.

Praise the Lord! Floor the accelerator pedal! And get me to the church only a little bit late.

P. MICHAEL BAILEY Southport

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You’re never too old to learn a new universal truth. My learning moment just occurred. Truth be known, I’m not the world’s slowest driver, so, when I get pasted like I’m standing still by a little economy car doing an estimated 90 to 100 mph, weaving in and out of lanes in a 45 mph zone on State 77 into Lynn Haven, I take notice. I also noticed that car’s destination up the road. I will disclose where it was going after I note that I encountered TWO more completely similar circumstances on the way home.

The Universal Truth for today: The most reckless (or wreckful), lethally dangerous, absolutely bat-crazy drivers on the road are ... late-for-church Christians!
I couldn’t believe it! One can only assume the obvious reasons: 1) “God will not allow a policeman to arrest me on the way to church;” 2) “Everyone else, driving the speed limit, is not heading to church — they’re going to hell!”; and finally 3) “If I kill and/or get killed, Lord knows I’ll be forgiven and welcomed at heaven’s gate.” All good Christian no-lose, no-brainer reasons.

Praise the Lord! Floor the accelerator pedal! And get me to the church only a little bit late.