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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Scary High School Textbooks From the 1960s

A smattering of the academic fare that was discovered in my attic. (The former owner of the home being a parochial school administrator.) There are many of these books. Here are some of the more alarming of the batch.

"I am a bit out of touch with techniques. Are you referring to the cheeks of the buttocks? If so, a light grazing is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord, but more vigorous 'pressing' or 'grinding' would be considered immoral. As would any ape-like maneuvers."—Monsignor J.D.

I took the Dysfunctional Method.

And it led to this!

Repeat: Boys and girls should not be allowed together in the same room.

Oh! What if I wish to know very little? Does this book cover that?

I don't think that car has seat-heaters or Sirius XM OR airbags.

If you are white and prosperous. If not, youse fucked.

Perfectly healthy, normal teenagers.

A mentally ill teen who daydreams of lustful car trips with older women!

The fear of the "unknown" is worse than being chased by a maddened cow? I think not.

For shame, Puerto Rican children who are having a delightful time in a water sprinkler. This is by no means the best outlet for your youthful energies!

This photograph was found inserted inside Problems and Opportunities in a Democracy. It puzzles me in several ways. For one, is the mannequin intended to be homosexual? Where are #s 1 and 2? Why does Bobby Sue look happy with her date but Mary Lou look like she just got stuck in the arse with a pickle?

"If you run too much water into a bathtub, some water will overflow from the tub." (Is that statement about the left testicle really true? Need to know!)

Jaysus-Haitch-KeeRist!! How do you find these things? There they are, hidden from the rest of us yet in plain sight, but only YOU, most powerful of Party Ponies, has the moxie and grit to uncover them! It's like that picture of you clutching in both mitts a fat frog at the start of Allagash Stream--you want it, and ye git it!! I laughed so hard at thsese books and this world, and love to be reminded of it. Your captions made my bathtub o'erflow....

OMG, that top book cover art looks like a portrayal of a complex torture device. And I never realized how much shorthand resembles Arabic. I might be tempted to do a sort of seance/smudging cleansing to get some of those vibes saying bye-bye.