Category Archives: Drugs Are Bad

Race War! Race War!
The former Soviet Union (I refuse to call them Russia, those commie pinko faggots) has announced that it is “indeed in the lead to put a human on the moon Mars”. Really former Soviet Union? You’re going to put a human on Mars before the United States? You know what, you’re probably right, and I would put money on that actually happening. But, I’ll also put money on the United States putting a man on Mars and him actually returning to Earth alive first. I would venture to say that the former Soviet Union already has quite a few “humans” on their way to Mars right now, and has been for 40 years or so. Only when they launched, they called them Moon-landing missions back then.

Police: Crack Found in Man’s Buttocks
Yes, the headline says it all, but apparently this has nothing to do with the police in DC finding out the already well known and common fact that every man has an asshole. The story is actually about a man being arrested for “supposedly” hiding twenty or so little baggies of crack in his butt-hole. I really want to make a lot of jokes about this story right now, but the guy in the mugshot looks like he’d kill me, so I’m leaving it alone. I will say this about that, it’s probably the last place they looked, so it wasn’t a horrible hiding place, unless of course you were the crackhead who bought it. Actually, I think there should be a rule that if you can ram it up your ass before the cops can wrestle it away from you, then you should be free and clear. Assault weapons ban, yeah right — for all AR-15 assault rifles not shoved up your booty hole.

Child Abuse Case?
A St. Augustine woman was arrest for what obviously should qualify her as Parent of the Year. Check out why kids…

Investigators say a woman accused of drunk driving had a case of beer buckled up safely, and a one year old girl sitting in the backseat without a seat-belt or car seat.

Come on po po, technically a woman that drunk was probably going to flip the car anyway. And if that happened it was probably better for the beer to be safely seat-belted securely in position instead of ten pounds of glass missiles in the cabin of the vehicle during the rollover. Just imagine, broken beer bottles flying everywhere, possibly hurting the child. I do love the “I don’t know” excuse. Well played mommy. I personally would have went with the “Did she unbuckle herself and seat-belt the case of beer in again?” excuse. To each their own.

Besides, we all know a case of beer won’t fit in a child seat anyway, only maybe a 12-pack tops. So, just do what my dad did when I was little — seat-belt me into the backseat holding the case of beer. The seat-belt will fit nicely over both a small child and the case of beer. Innovation, meet dad.

A woman who passed out at a party and woke up to the fact that she was raped, decided to call the police and report the incident. Check out this party.

A woman reported to police that a man sexually assaulted her early Sunday after she went to bed at a house where she attended a party.

The woman said she was invited to the party in the 3000 block of North Bell Avenue and took half a Xanax pill before she left. She drank two mixed drinks containing Everclear and orange juice, and a beer at the party, she said, and then took a few puffs from a “blunt” marijuana cigar.

She began to feel strange and believes someone might have put something in her drink, she said.

Half a zanny, two everclears (what is that, 150 proof?), a beer, and a couple hits off of a joint??? Sounds like a great party. Lucky for her no one did slip her a date rape drug, ’cause she may have died of an overdose if they had.