Not much for t.v. I don’t mind binge watching series, especially during winter. Suggestions welcome.

Day 5: What was your worst Thanksgiving food fail?

I have never had to cook a thanksgiving meal yet. For the last five years, we have been congregating at Donna’s house. My sister comes from the west, my brother comes from the east. A few choice family members drizzle in from here, there and everywhere… and there you have it. A recipe for a very boisterous weekend.

Day 6: If you could redo one moment in your life, what would it be and why? How would it change who you are now?

I don’t live in the past, sorry. Everything that has happened to me has made me who I am.

Day 7: What do you want to say to Hillary Clinton today?

Nothing. I would rather have a few too many drinks with her and see what she would have to say.

Day 8: Did you celebrate or commemorate your divorce or a significant breakup? Would you ever?

A sincere thank you to all of the people, past and present, that have given their lives, and their sanity, in the hopes of creating a better world.

I will leave you with some words that have haunted me through the years…
“We were young. We were scared, but we had a job to do, and we believed that we were going to make a difference. Turns out we were just stupid.”

“And to think, that sixty years later, that we still haven’t found peace – that’s a real burden.”

I used to cry before I got on her. Every single time. The fear would snake through me, freezing my feet to the ground. My heart would start hammering so persistently in my throat that I had to choke it down. It was a struggle between something that I wanted so so badly and yet was so afraid to do.

She is a clever and canny girl. The type that stands stoically still while you brush and saddle her. And waits, ever so patiently, for you to place your foot in the stirrup. Ever so patiently for that last possible second, the very second your weight was solely reliant on that foot, and she would side step, or move forward, so you would be hopping along with her.

I never was that agile. I changed tactics, tried to pull her up to the deck and jump on. And wouldn`t you know it, she would do the same damn thing. I either landed on her ass or on my own. The whole thing was so bloody frustrating that I was in tears most of the time. Every stumble was a kick in my teeth, in my dream of becoming a horse rider.

“Confidence is key,” they said,”when you are dealing with a horse.”

Pretty hard to build confidence when you can`t even get on.

I received a lot of bad advice in those days. I just couldn`t see how smacking a horse, and making them submissive, would work. I never even tried it. I couldn`t. It`s a special relationship between horse and rider, one built on trust, not fear.

We hashed it out one weekend, her and I. It was a battle of the wills, a battle of patience and persistence. I kept asking her to stand still, kept bringing her back to the same spot whenever she moved. The first time it took two hours, repeating the same steps over and over and over before she would politely allow me to get on. I would ride in her a circle, dismount and repeat the process all over again. The next day I switched it up, took her to the edge of the deck, the fence, the bumper on the truck. and repeated the whole process over and over and over again.

We grew a lot closer that weekend. We grew a lot of trust in what we could expect from one another, a lot of faith that in what we could accomplish, together. I don`t recall her pulling that trick on me since then. But if you come over, and would like to go for a ride, don`t expect her to give you the same courtesy.

NaBloPoMo Day 2:When was the last time you did something brave? What happened?

Why don’t we allow ourselves to feel negative emotions? Hubby said to me the other day :I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do…” It seems like a common occurence, that whenever we are feeling sad/mad/angry/annoyed, that we tend to shit on ourselve just a little bit more and tell ourselves that it’s wrong, that we shouldn’t be like that. We pile a bit more negative upon that negative, and berate ourselves for having emotions, and try to logic ourselves from feeling them.

I get it. If you have suffered from depression, and are prone to depressive outbreaks, you don’t want to even entertain the thought of allowing any amount of negativity into your life what so ever. I’ve been there, and I never want to willingly return to that dark pit ever again. But if there is one thing this pregnancy has taught me, is that I can’t always have control over how I am feeling. Sometimes I am going to cry, and sometimes I am going to walk around being super pissy for no tangible reason at all. And instead of trying to rack my brain for a plausible excuse to as to why I am feeling this way, and assigning blame to this that and the other thing, I just have to accept it and move on.

Tomorrow will be another day.

A good night’s rest does wonders.

Leave your troubles on your pillow, don’t drag them with you from one day to the next.

NaBloPoMo Day 1: When you’re having a bad day with your mental health, what do you do to help yourself?

And I was going to participate. Really, I was. But I found myself dragging my heels and procrastinating like I always do.

Of course, it is also the beginning of NaBloPoMo too. While I haven’t officially entered my name into the blogroll (because filling out the form is a sign of a serious commitment that I am unsure I can seriously commit too) it might give me an opportunity to get over this blogging guilt that I have been feeling. You know, “I want to write a post, I should write something, I can’t think of anything, I should clean my house instead” type guilt.

I just loved this post by Anna. It had me thinking…While there have between times I contemplated walking away, I know I just couldn’t do it. But if there were two tokens that I could take with me, from one life to the next, it would have to be the love that has been given to me, and the love that I have to give. It is something that I didn’t know I had until I lost it. And for years I muddled around thinking I never had it all, or would never be able to find it. It soothes me, calms me, and heals me. And without it, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
What would your tokens be?
*comments disabled here, please visit Anna :)*

If you were to walk away from your life, leave everything and everyone you know behind, never to return to the Life you know ever again. What is the one or two items – not more than two – would you take with you. This item does not have to sum up the life you are leaving behind, it can be something of love/joy/pleasure, a sad memory you want to keep. A future you have in your mind to build. It is not an easy decision to make, but all you will have is this token or two that means the most to you.

Have you ever felt you want to walk away from all you have known. You can and will go wherever you want in this World, be a new person, become whatever you have always wished to become, dreamt about.

I came across this Tiny Planet Photo Challenge yesterday hosted by photochallenge.org. Please do take a minute to check it out. Considering all you have to do is download a free app for your phone, it shouldn’t be too hard for everyone to participate. Easy peasy, and I had sooo much fun creating her own little world.

WP’s Weekly Photo Challenge asked us to show us where our hearts are. Well, there you have it. I may not be able to offer her the world, and it will definitely not always be sunshine and rainbows, all I can promise is to do my best.

“She’s got the whole wide world in her hands…”

C’mon, as if that song didn’t come to mind when you saw this picture? It’s been stuck in my mind ever since.

It has been a personal quest of mine to capture some of the birds of prey in my area. You know, like an eagle, or a turkey vulture, or a hawk. It never ceases to amaze me how oblivious these animals seem to be. They can be sitting on the side of the road, watching dozens of cars drive by, but the moment you turn around and try to photograph them, they fly away.

see what I mean?

Regardless, I love these photo quests I go on. My daughter usually passes out in the car gently falls asleep, giving mommy some much needed alone time. And if she doesn’t, it gives us a chance to go out and explore our surroundings. Whether it is…

the geese gathering in the fields, the black birds swarming around us like schools of fish, or collecting rocks on the side of the road (her favorite).

Our time, on Sunday, was not in complete vain. I was completely taken by surprise when this Great Blue Heron decided to land twenty feet in front of my car. I fumbled with my lens, almost landed in the ditch, and got a few fuzzy shots of him flying away. Luckily, he didn’t fly very far. And so I crept, very slowly, to get this:

Not the prey animal I had in mind, but definitely a very satisfying experience nonetheless.

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