Thursday, February 9

Former Vice President Biden "totally down" for some extreme Vette-ing.

DOVER, DE — Former Vice President Joe Biden said he's "totally down" for some extreme Vette-ing, provided it's under extensive federal oversight and is conducted in a "bitchin' and semi-irresponsible" manner.

Although he vehemently disagrees with President Trump's Executive Order effectively temporarily banning immigration from seven Middle Eastern countries, he was open to discussing the Vette-ing plan over a six-pack of Schaefer's with whoever is "primo enough to hang."

Biden with his 1973 Corvette styled after the one featured in the film "Corvette Summer." He has code-named it Dragonlady.

"We could meet at Trump Tower, or the old water tower ... doesn't matter to me. I think my old 'Kilroy Was Here' is still up there. Good times, man."

In 1983 while in his second Senate term, Biden crafted his own Extreme Vette-ing legislation. He could only shake his head when asked about the bill's short-lived history.

"It was totally boss, but those egghead clown-nerds couldn't get it out of committee, man. I was hoping I could team up with some other rad dudes, but the Senate can be soooooo lame sometimes."

Biden could barely contain his nostalgic enthusiasm for the project and was anxious to see another administration give it a go, even though the Trump policy has nothing to do with vintage GM sports cars.

"A little sweet-ass pinstriping by my friend's cousin Doobie, some Loverboy on the deck, and man, you are kicking ass and taking names ... and numbers, hombre!"

Biden even went to extreme lengths to get his bill additional co-sponsors and attention, inviting rock and roll musician Billy Squier to perform his 1981 hit "The Stroke" live on the Senate floor. Only Gary Hart offered any enthusiasm for the bill.

Search This Blog

Still zero cents an issue!

Fake Opinions

Where in the hell is Heath, Ohio?

Good question. Heath is located east of Columbus, Ohio. With a population of over 10,000 inhabitants, Heath is a bustling community with roads, houses, some stop lights, a few drug dealers, and a small band of feral malcontents.

In addition to being home to America's Least Reliable News Source, the fair town of Heath is also the home of the Indian Mound Mall, a Denny's, and several nice people.