Wednesday, 31 October 2012

The BBC, known to many in the U.K as "Auntie" is the British Broadcasting Corporation.The British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) is a British public service broadcasting corporation headquartered in London, United Kingdom. The BBC employs in excess of 23,000 people and operates under licence and agreement from the UK Home Secretary i.e The Government.

The Corporation's guaranteed income from the licence fee (every household with a television MUST pay a viewing licence with failure punishable by a jail term) and the World Service grants are supplemented by profits from commercial operations through a wholly owned subsidiary, BBC Worldwide Ltd. The company's activities include programme- and format-sales. The BBC also earns additional income from selling certain programme-making services through BBC Studios and Post Production Ltd., formerly BBC Resources Ltd, another wholly owned trading subsidiary of the corporation. Most of the BBC's magazine and book publishing activities were sold in 2011.

Some victims of the paedophile Jimmy Savile claim (and I believe them) that an organised paedophile ring was at work behind the doors of the BBC. Savile was a high profile employee of the BBC with his own television and radio shows. The allegations get more and more serious – now a lawyer has accused the BBC of harbouring and protecting a paedophile ring. Veteran BBC journalist John Simpson is right in that it’s the most serious crisis to face the organisation for at least 50 years. If it is show that there was any complicity by the organisation to these acts, then I don’t know what the consequences could be for one of our oldest and (formerly at least) respected institutions. Heads should roll if there’s any sniff of a cover-up by top brass during the Newsnight investigation fiasco. As for the people who worked there at the time – well, there’s no statute of limitations for criminal prosecution in this country; I would say there may be one or two, probably several, very worried people.

Others from the BBC include Chris Denning, a DJ who started out like Savile
on Radio Luxembourg and moved on to the BBC, where he was one of the original
Radio 1 DJs, and who has a number of convictions for child sex offences.
Denning, 71, was first convicted for gross indecency in 1974, jailed in 1985 and
then in 1988 for sexual assaults on children. He is in jail in Slovakia for
producing child pornography.

Even DJ and presenter John Peel, who died eight years ago, may now
come under scrutiny. As a young man, he worked in Texas as a local radio station
DJ and admits taking advantage of the young girls queueing up outside his studio
to offer him sexual favours. “All they wanted me to do was to abuse them
sexually which, of course, I was only happy to do,” he once recalled. One of the
teenagers was a girl called Shirley Anne Milburn. Peel was 26 and Shirley Anne
just 15 when they married in Texas in 1965. The couple came back to London, but
the marriage faltered as Peel’s career took off. They divorced in 1973 and
Shirley Anne returned home, committing suicide some years later.

In 2001 former pop singer, radio DJ and television presenter Jonathon King was found guilty of
For years Jonathan King used his celebrity status to become a rampant sexual
predator. He bribed his young male victims with watches and records and
gained the trust of their parents who thought he was above suspicion.

After Jonathan King’s conviction in 2001, intense speculation followed that
Savile would be next. “There were several high-profile male celebrities whose
names cropped up as a result of the King enquiry and Savile’s was included in
the list of those under suspicion,” a police source told The Sunday Telegraph.
“This related to the abuse of under-16s. He was looked into but at the time the
suspicions were never proved. There was no firm evidence to link him with any
criminal activity.”

King left prison after serving only half his seven year jail term... He later claimed he enjoyed his time behind bars immensely. Ex BBC director general Mark Thompson had even been "forced" to apologise to disgraced pop
impresario Jonathan King after he was cut out of a repeat of BBC's Top of the Pops show......

Jimmy Savile's paedophilia appears consistent with the BBC's culture and effectiveness at covering up what went on and might still be going on behind it's doors.

How many BBC employees helped these paedophiles and are guilty by association and aiding and abetting the sexual exploitation and molestation of innocent children? How many BBC managers and directors knew and did nothing? Silence is collusion! How many more victims are out there, afraid or ashamed to speak up? We, the British public pay the television licence which has in turn paid for children to be used and abused...

All the information in this article can be found and verified from several web resources.

A midnight waltz with a fallen angelAnd your dreams will be fulfilledThe stars will twinkle with the beatOf knowledge for which some have killedBehind the curtain of darknessLies a single ray of lightShadows of the past at your heelsA pain that holds you tightI come to you with a simple offerA dance to meet your every goalI'll give you your dreams on a burning plateBut in return, in return, I want your soulMy enchanting tune will lure you inAnd test the power of your willWhile a breeze of suppression hides the truthMy intent is purely illI'll take the form of anythingTo beguile you with my charmDon't worry! It's just a little danceHow could it bring you harm?A moonlit dance with destinyWill cure you of all your illsWill you be able to withstand the temptationOr will you submit to a midnight waltz?

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

I wanted to share this article I read in the Guardian newspaper a month ago. The original content can be found HERE and all rights belong to Julie Bindel and The Guardian.

If you have been a victim of this vile, predatory paedophile (or any other) please contact a support group such as NAPAC, The NSPCC or similar. There is support available and you WILL be believed!

Jimmy Savile, the television presenter and media personality, knighted for his charity work for sick and disabled children is to be exposed as a prolific sexual abuser of girls as young as 12 in a documentary this week. This news will not come as a shock to many, as the rumours about Savile have been in the public domain for decades. That's the truly shocking part of this story – so many people either knew or suspected the fact that Savile was assaulting underage girls but chose to do nothing whatsoever about it.
A number of Savile's former colleagues interviewed for the documentary admitted that his predatory behaviour towards young girls was an open secret at the BBC. Wilfred De'Ath, who worked with Savile in the 1960s, told of how he spoke to a girl he believed to be 12 years old while she was in bed with the presenter the morning after he had seen Savile with her at a restaurant, describing her as like a "little lost soul". De'Ath admitted that it was "common gossip" that Savile was an abuser. Still, it appears that neither he nor any other colleagues reported him either to the BBC bosses or police.
It is a shame that the evidence against Savile was not tested when he was alive. In 2007, Surrey police received a complaint from a woman who said she was sexually assaulted by Savile at an approved school that Savile regularly visited in the 1970s, but the Crown Prosecution Service decided there was insufficient evidence to take it forward.
Esther Rantzen hits the nail on the head in an interview about the revelations when she says, "in some way we colluded with him as a child abuser" and that, "We made him into the Jimmy Savile who was untouchable, who nobody could criticise." But it is not only celebrities who are protected from justice. Throughout society, there is a culture of denial, minimisation and disbelief around child sexual abuse. It would seem that child sexual predators are often better protected than their victims.
Savile is not the only one in show business about whom rumours were rife before those alleging child sexual abuse came forward. Jonathan King was sentenced to seven years in prison in 2001 for the sexual assault of five teenage boys between 1983 and 1989, but after his arrest dozens more came forward and said it had happened to them too. Apparently it was no secret that King groomed young boys for sex among those in the music business.
In 1999 Gary Glitter was convicted on 54 counts of possession of child pornography. At time of his conviction several of those who used to work or socialise with Glitter said it was well known that Glitter sought out young girls for sex.
Why do we so often fail to act when we suspect or even know that children are being sexually abused? Nothing prompts the question more than the disgraceful example of the grooming gangs in Rochdale in which scores of girls were drugged, raped and sold by men who were afforded better protection than their victims were until the criminal justice system and child protection agencies were forced to act. In 2008, one victim of the most serious abuse and exploitation reported to the police and another agency that she had been the victim of serious sexual assaults by adult men but the focus was more on her behaviour than of the abusers.
The testimonies of the women that appear in the Savile documentary are heartbreaking. One spoke of how she was raped by Savile, but that she blamed herself because "no one blamed him." Another was locked in an isolation unit for days at her approved school when she made allegations about Savile in the 1970s, because she was assumed to be lying, as are so many abused children both then and now. "No one believed me then and I don't expect anyone to believe me now." Unless we start listening to children, in decades to come we will be hearing the same tragic stories.

Monday, 29 October 2012

This will be a little different than previous articles, in that, this is
not so much solution based, as it is issue based. I just want to bring
to light an issue that many survivors of abuse have to deal with on a
daily basis…Addiction – whether it is to alcohol, drugs or something
else.

As an addict, you must first recognize that you are not "in control"
and you are powerless to the addiction. And it is acknowledging this
"giving up control" that enables the addict to begin their healing.

Meanwhile, as a survivor of abuse – while we are being abused we are
also helpless and powerless and taking charge is empowering. Claiming
power is a significant experience of healing. It enables us to reclaim
what was taken from us when we were abused.

So, survivors who are also addicts have a razor thin line to walk
(and just as sharp), of giving up control of addiction while regaining
control from abuse.

Is it any wonder why so many fall back off the wagon, are never able
to maintain a healthy mental/emotional/physical life, or even commit
suicide.

We have these solutions that run simultaneous and contradictory to
each other – the Ultimate Battle – This is why it's so important to get
professional help and seek the support from others such as AA/NA/SNAP
and other support groups.

I had to address my addiction first before I was able to even
acknowledge my abuse and face it. As they say in NA, "face life on
life's terms". Once I got clean from narcotics, I was finally able to
reach out to Dr. Light and confront my abuser, Frankie Wiley.

Now in reclaiming my power over my abuser, the addiction is not the
issue it once was – and that is because my primary reason for using
drugs was to numb myself from the pain of the abuse.

Now that I have had my abuser removed from 3 jobs where he had power
over kids, I have regained my power – but I KNOW that I will NEVER have
power over the narcotics – they control me in such a negative way that I
can never do them without extreme, awful consequences.

Just because this is what worked for me, does not mean it will be
the direction a fellow survivor will have to take as a path to healing –
seek the professional help that is available to you – we have
therapists here and there are many others out there with other groups –
if not here, just get help somewhere.

As I said – this is not a solution article – I just wanted everyone
to know what many survivors have to deal with and if someone in your
life is going through this – maybe it will help you better understand
what they are going through – remember, love is patient and kind – and
that is ultimately what we need in the battle we face – patience and
kindness…and true love.

UPDATE 2013

Over the last few weeks as a guest blogger on Rachel Grant Coaching, we have talked about childhood sexual abuse as it relates to addiction, depression, anxiety, abandonment, PTSD, the impact it may have on our DNA…Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!!! I only make a joke not to make light of our situation as survivors, but rather to bring a little levity to a situation that for some of feels like the sky is falling and we are being attacked on multiple fronts by creatures that can devour us. So with all of these potential pitfalls and problems seeming to lurk around every corner, what do we do?

Having done my usual research and even stepping into waters just being tested, I have come across both the usual suspects of therapy and a couple not so well-known. It is my hope that no matter whether one of these specific therapies helps you or a loved one or not, you find one that does, because what I do know is that healing from abuse is not something that happens naturally. It takes help, it takes time and it takes work. So please do whatever you need to reach out and find the help that is available.

Under the category of “usual but relatively proven” therapies we find Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Group Therapy, and Self-Help Groups.

Psychotherapy consists of a series of techniques for treating mental health, emotional and some psychiatric disorders. Psychotherapy helps the patient understand what helps them feel positive or anxious, as well as accepting their strong and weak points. If people can identify their feelings and ways of thinking they become better at coping with difficult situations.

Psychotherapy is commonly used for psychological problems that have had a number of years to accumulate. It only works if a trusting relationship can be built up between the client and the psychotherapist. Treatment can continue for several months, and even years.

Some people refer to psychotherapy as “talking treatment” because it is generally based on talking to the therapist or group of people with similar problems. Some forms of psychotherapy also use other forms of communication, including writing, artwork, drama, narrative story or music. Sessions take place within a structured encounter between a qualified therapist and a client or clients. Purposeful, theoretically based psychotherapy started in the 19th century with psychoanalysis; it has developed significantly since then.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapeutic treatment that helps patients understand the thoughts and feelings that influence behaviors. CBT is commonly used to treat a wide range of disorders, including phobias, addiction, depression and anxiety.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is generally short-term and focused on helping clients deal with a very specific problem. During the course of treatment, people learn how to identify and change destructive or disturbing thought patterns that have a negative influence on behavior.

The underlying concept behind CBT is that our thoughts and feelings play a fundamental role in our behavior. For example, a person who spends a lot of time thinking about plane crashes, runway accidents and other air disasters may find themselves avoiding air travel. The goal of cognitive behavioral therapy is to teach patients that while they cannot control every aspect of the world around them, they can take control of how they interpret and deal with things in their environment. Because CBT is usually a short-term treatment option, it is often more affordable than some other types of therapy. CBT is also empirically supported and has been shown to effectively help patients overcome a wide variety of maladaptive behaviors.

(Note from Rachel Grant: As as little aside, the Beyond Surviving program she developed for adult survivors of abuse draws upon many of the techniques used in CBT.)

Delivered in a group of people, Group Therapy and Self-Help Groups are for people who have experienced abuse and can be an extremely cathartic experience. Individuals who feel different, ashamed, or guilty as a result of the abuse will benefit immensely from discovering other people who have lived through similar experiences. Although not limited to groups like SNAP and The Lamplighters, they are certainly organizations that have proven themselves to be helpful for survivors of CSA.

(Note: Rachel Grant leads an Adult Survivors of Child Abuse support group every month in San Franciscohttp://www.rachelgrantcoaching.com and I am the South Florida Area support group leader for SNAP-Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests- http://www.snapnetwork.org – Additionally, The foundation, Together We Heal helps to provide counseling for those in need. Be sure to contact either of us and we can tell you more).

Next we have some relatively newer therapies, with regard to years of experience in the realm of psychology. TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises) is one. TRE is a simple technique that uses exercises to release stress or tension from the body that accumulates from every day circumstances of life, from difficult situations, immediate or prolonged stressful situations, or traumatic life experiences.

TRE is a set of six exercises that help to release deep tension from the body by evoking a self-controlled muscular shaking process in the body called neurogenic muscle tremors. The uniqueness of this technique is that this shaking originates deep in the core of the body of the psoas muscles. These gentle tremors reverberate outwards along the spine releasing tension from the sacrum to the cranium.

Another is by a former associate professor at the University of Kentucky’s educational and counseling psychology department, Kate Chard and it centers on Cognitive Processing. “It was the first NIMH-funded treatment outcome study on childhood sexual abuse,” she says. This three-year study of women (Chard has done an equivalent study with men) took adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse through a 17-week, manual-based program, with individual or a combination of individual and group sessions.

“What you think affects what you feel, which, in turn, affects what you do,” Chard says, summing up the basic theory behind cognitive therapy. “We build on this by saying that due to the traumatic event, the ability to process cognitively has become impaired. Biologists can look at the neurotransmitter connections in the brain and actually see differences between people who’ve been through traumatic events, such as childhood abuse, and people who have not.”

Another option is coaching. While still fairly new, coaching is a great option for survivors of abuse who are ready to move into the final stage of recovery. If you would like to learn more about coaching, you can of course give Rachel a call or email her. She’d be happy to answer any questions you might have about how coaching works.

While these are by no means all of the potential therapies out there, the point I am hoping comes through today is that no matter which type of therapy you seek as a survivor of abuse, the point is that you indeed seek one, and don’t stop until you find the one that works for you. As I mentioned earlier, it is of the utmost importance that you find professional help. Just as a police officer or military person is required to see a therapist when they go through an extraordinary time of trauma, so we as survivors of childhood sexual abuse must get assistance. What we have been through is beyond an extraordinary event, it’s beyond the pale. And seeking help does not mean we are weak, it shows no signs of lacking anything. To the contrary, it means you care enough about yourself and the ones that love you that you will take the necessary steps to ensure your continued growth as a person. Let me say this again, you aren’t weak, you are human, it’s ok for others to help you.

***UPDATE***

I had a reader ask me if I had heard of any therapies for survivors as they related to the use of animals, they spoke specifically of horses. And while I did not find any with horses, what I DID find was some exciting news. I discovered the following article and subsequent foundation that uses dogs to help survivors of all types of trauma, and other therapeutic needs. While its not specific for CSA, I have no doubt that it has the potential to help both children and adults, as it does with other forms of trauma. So please look into it if you are finding that what you have tried has not been successful for you. As I mentioned in this article, the main objective is to keep trying until you find what works for you. We are all different and what works for one might not work for another. But I know you can find something that WILL work for you as long as you look.

Sunday, 28 October 2012

If a lack of being loved, respected, etc, is a problem, what could you do, in order to feel safer in yourself?If loss of innocence is a problem, is it likely to prevent you from gaining a perspective that is kinder to you and to those you meet?If nightmares and the fears attached to them are a problem, what could you do to ensure that you overcome those fears?What fears do you have that seems to be preventing you from moving on?What could you do in order those fears?Do you think that the abuse you survived wasn't as bad as others suffered, therefore you dont need support and help?Having started to wake up to the realisation that your life has been affected by the abuse you suffered, in every way imaginable, what are you going to do about it?There are often deep rooted and hidden secrets that you wouldnt feel safe talking about, but those are the issues that you have to start talking about, and recover from, otherwise it will remain as a stumbling block to your recovery.What consider what it is that you need to do in order to ensure you are free from the thoughts that haunt you.What could you do to leave behind the negative thoughts, and move forward?What are your immediate thoughts, and feelings, when faced with a memory of the abuse you suffered?How hard do you find it to be honest with yourself, and others? Why is that, and where does it come from?Why do you find it difficult to be free and honest in speech and manner?Do you avoid having sex, or being intimate, because it reminds you of what happened to you when abused?What could you do to regain control of your sexual life?It's your life after all, and the memories that prevent you having or enjoying sex is your abusers way of stopping you live your life, but don't allow them to control you any longer.It's time for you to recover!

Saturday, 27 October 2012

The UK Government had to admit what we already know, namely that there is at least three pedosceles in every neighbourhood in the UK, or one on every street corner!

Previous estimates were that over 250,00 sex offenders were in the UK, but that figure is due to rise!

These new figures have partly arisen because of Police investigations into Internet Paedophiles, where over 6,5000 names were discovered in the UK alone, follwoing just ONE investigation and thousands more names were passed onto the British Police.

The Police state that more sexual and physical abuse of children takes every year than any other crime, including mobile phone theft!

That is a staggering admission, and it is shameful that the Police are unresourced by the Government to prosecute these abusers and save children from abuse

The the Metropolitan Deputy Assistant Commissioner, Carol Howlett stated that "despite a specific and increasing threat to children on the Internet, not enough priority is given to catching Internet Paedophiles". But...slowly but surely, the Police are tracking them down

More than 120,000 convicted pedosceles are currently free in England and Wales, and able to continue abusing children.
N.B. 120,000 pedosceles are the official figures, and does not account for those not convicted, or even reported.

People need to recognise that pedosceles are all around us, as are survivors, and like most survivors, they stay silent, but they hide for sinister reasons.

There is no set scenario for an abuser, and recent cases reported in the UK include church ministers, teachers, police, doctors, lawyers, scout leaders, football and sports coaches, your next-door neighbour, favourite uncle, that 'kind old man' living on his own.

Survivors have named politicians, 'famous' people and those of whom no-one would ever consider possible of abusing children, but they do, using the ‘pillar of community’ status, getting away with it for years.

Why do pedosceles consider sex with children as acceptable behaviour?

Almost all are either unable or unwilling to connect and relate to adults.(They are incapable of having and maintaining normal relationships, including sex, with adults.)

Most pedosceles are in relationships, hold down responsible jobs and are seen as nice dependable people with children’s interests at heart.

Female pedosceles are known to be far more sadistic in their abuse of children.

THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR SEXUAL ABUSE!

Why and how do sex offenders believe what they do is right, and how do they justify their actions?FOUR PRE-CONDITIONS TO OFFENDINGThere are four stages pedosceles go through.PRE-CONDITION 1:Thoughts and fantasiesa) Emotional need. The sexual abuse of a child 'satisfies' some underlying need of the offender.b) Sexual arousal: children are wrongly seen as a source of sexual arousal/gratification.c) Blockage: Other methods of gratification are unavailable or less sexually satisfying than the abuse of a child.PRE-CONDITION 2:Giving permissionOnce the first pre-condition is satisfied, the offender says “ Its okay to do this because…” Once done they convince themselves that they have a right to abuse a child.PRE-CONDITION 3:Creating an opportunity

The first two stages relate to the factors concerning the abuse. This indicator relates to external factors;

a) Targeting the victim b) Grooming the victim and environment to sexual abuse.

Thoughts and Fantasies: on who and why to abuse a child, and when in that frame of mind, they believe what they do to be normal and right, but in reality are stuck in fantasy!Creating the opportunity: to create an abusive situation where they can carry out the abuse.Overcoming the victim’s resistance: placing blame, guilt, shame on the child, and ensure that they keep silent.

This leads to them thinking;

“I said I wouldn’t do it again, but i did, so never mind”“It just happened, and I'm not to blame really”“I couldn’t control the urges, and therefore its not my fault”“It wasn’t my fault, the child was too pretty, asked for it, or even lead me on”

This distorted and sick pattern of thinking allows the pedosceles to excuse their behaviour, and to place the blame onto the child for being too good looking, nice to hold, nice to touch, even asking to be touched/loved.

It fits the pedoscele psyche, allowing those working with them to see if they have begun the pattern of abuse.

If you consider very few survivors of child sexual abuse report their abusers, you get some idea of the real number of survivors out there, who have yet to speak out, and get the support the need and deserve

Sexual offending is an extreme form of compulsive and obsessional behaviour way beyond the realms of normality!

It involves :
1. High levels of planning including the selection and preparation of victims (grooming). Child sex offenders work out a strategy to enable the abuse to take place and avoid detection afterwards.
2. Distorted thinking patterns, “blaming the victim". Pedosceles minimise their actions by pretending their 'victim' either deserved or wanted their sexual attention.
3. Fantasising about their planned and previous offences, going through the abuse in their mind, acting it out, building towards carrying out the actual offence.
Sex offending is often a cyclical process, with pedosceles targeting their 'victims', de-personalising them through fantasy and distorted thinking, sometimes even rehearsing part of the offence and building up to the offence itself.
Research work shows that many of them were sentenced for only a small proportion of the offences they have carried out.
Research and personal work experience shows that it is not possible to "cure" sex offenders and that they are always a major risk to all children, at all times." There is no treatment procedure known to man that can change a sexual abuser against his will." (Statement from copy of letter from the Children’s Safeguards and Child Protection, Dept of Health)
Chemical castration and other forms of treatment are always suggested, but if castrated, they can still touch and destroy a child’s life.
What are the possible risks involved in making certain that pedosceles are never allowed near children again? NONE!

There is no risk involved in ensuring they are kept well away from children at all times, and monitored at all times. Lack of resources and money seems to be the common complaint, but we, the taxpayers, spend millions each year attempting to reduce the chances of them abusing again, but it fails to address the issues.Survivors deserve some of that support and the finances to ensure the support is available, so why waste our money on them?

ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS
Pedosceles view sex with a child as a sexual relationship, in that both parties were willing, able and capable.
Typical explanations heard so far; "I allowed them to explore their sexuality" “Sex before eight, before its too late” Used by the members of the Pedoscele Information Exchange.
They minimise what happened by saying “I only did….”They normalise their sexual behaviours, hiding it under legitimate touch, engaging in play-fights etc.
They make their victims take on guilt by saying,
“Look what you made me do”.
“Mummy will be upset if she finds out, I’ll go to prison”
“You’ll go into care if you tell anyone”
“No one will believe you anyway”
They spend hours, days, weeks, months, even years targeting and grooming the victim and family.
Pedosceles in prison target 'lonely heart' columns looking for single mothers. All the prison staff can do is monitor the post, if allowed, and report to appropriate people, but little action is taken.
The chief inspector of prisons tried to stop prisoners contacting lonely-hearts columns, but was told that it is an infringement of their human rights, and they are allowed to place photos of children in their cells!What of the rights of the child, supposedly enshrined in The Convention on the Rights of the Child, adopted by the United Nations in 1989?

Profile of A Pedoscele
Watch for them!
They don't wear a sign around their neck nor do they tell you.. Often they are right there, within your world.
They may be or are:
* Popular with both children and adults.
* Appears to be trustworthy and respectable.
* Has good standing in the community.
* Prefers the company of children.
* Feels more comfortable with children than adults.
* Mainly attracted to prepubescent boys and girls.
* Can be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.
* "Grooms" children with quality time, video games, parties, candy, toys, gifts, money.
* Singles out children who seem troubled and in need of attention or affection.
* Often dates or marries women with children that are the age of his preferred victims.
* Rarely forces/coerces a child into sexual contact. Usually done through trust and friendship, which creates guilt, shame and blame for the child being abused
* Physical contact becomes gradual, from touching, to picking up, to holding on lap, to kissing, etc.
*Derives gratification in a number of ways.
Taking pictures or watching children undress/dress.
Still others require more contact.

* Are primarily (but not always) male, masculine, better-educated, more religious than average, in their thirties, and choose jobs allowing them greater access to children.

* Are usually family men, have no criminal record, and deny that they abuse children, even after caught, convicted, jailed ordered to attend a sex offender programme.
* The marriage is often troubled by sexual dysfunction, serving as a smokescreen for the pedosceles true practices.
* Are sometimes, but not always, themselves victims of childhood sexual abuse.
Even if the pedoscele has no children, his home is usually child-friendly, with toys, books, video games, computers, bikes, swing sets, snacks - things to attract children to his home and keep them coming back. Usually the items reflect the preferred age of his victims.
* A female Pedoscele usually abuses a child when partnered with an adult male Pedoscele, and is often herself a victim of chronic sexual abuse.
* A pedoscele can act independently, or be involved in an organised ring, including the Internet, and other pro-paedophilia groups.
Some pedosceles recognise that their behaviour is criminal, immoral, and unacceptable by society, and operate in secrecy.
* Some are quite open and militant about their practices and advocate the normalization of paedophilia under the guise of freedom of speech and press, and uses innocuous language like "intergenerational intimacy."

Friday, 26 October 2012

All too often, male survivors begin their recovery, in the knowledge that it is possible, however painful it may be to recover, then they suddenly back off and stop working on the issues that made them call us in the first place!So what's the answer to this, and how you can ensure that you wont this and wont be the one who doesn't fail at the first hurdle either.

DON'T MINIMISE THE ABUSEAll to often, I hear guys say "mine was nothing like yours" when we speak about the abuse suffered, and more often than not, when they attend group, they say,after hearing someones else story, that they shouldn't really be complaining.
That kind of response can cause you to think that the abuse you suffered wasn't that bad, it only happened a few times, but I can also guarantee that no matter what was done to you, or how long the abuse lasted, it has had the same devastating effects and affects upon you
Therefore, you deserve to be part of a group and should be complaining about the abuse you suffered, as its caused enough damage to you and those around you.
So no matter how long it lasted, or what you suffered, please don't feel like a fraud or that you don't deserve support, because you do.

DISABLERS:
Some people, even loved ones, don't want you to change without them, so try to stop you doing so. They won't help you, dragging you back to the past and feeling like you have for ages, which just reminds you of the past, perhaps by telling you how bad or sad you are, and will slowly drag you back down to their level

CLOSED OPTIONS:This is something you wil do to yourself, perhaps in thinking its better that you go about it alone, or maybe you get tangled up with with everything, without making decisions, thinking that you have always been this way, can't change and won't change.....in other words - 'conditional recovery'You know that you should listen and perhaps wait, but ignore that and fall back into old habits, thoughts, feelings

BUILDING UP A BANK BALANCE:
Again, this is about storing old resentments, or behaviours up - saving them up, manufacturing resentments, hurt, blame, etc.
You store them up, and when it becomes too much for you, so you can explode or implode, revert back to previous actions and lifestyles, and before you know it, you're back at the beginning, lacking commitment to start again, and consider yourself to be a failure, again!

FEAR OF:

The unknown - Who or what am I.

Of honesty - Will I be accepted, or rejected?

Of responsibility - Can I survive, will I adapt/cope?

PERMISSION:Can I do it?Do I give I myself permission to feel to be vulnerable?Who will I ask to help me?

THREE MAIN AREAS TO WORK ON:1. Make quality decisions in your life, not the same mistakes, that you know will make you feel 'bad'.2. Identifying the cues and triggers that set you off, and make feel that way.3. Start to use the coping skills that work for you.
You need to remain alert to the dangers that are ever present;

Recognise dangers signs.

Avoid placing yourself in high-risk situations.

Seek help when you need it.

Own the decision whether to react or not!

There is, and never will be a magic cure!

Use your common sense- take control of your life.Remember - Facing up to and coping with risks will build up your confidence.

People needed around youThose who will play 'family' roles, in supporting youFriends who will support you, and hold you steady as you work towards your goalsSupporters who will ensure you stay straight, in thinking and using modes

How to do this?
Sit down and write a list of people that can and will help you through this..safe people! Then ask those people you list to actually take on the roles required. Make sure you use them when needed and call them when you need and don't need to, safety first, second and third!

Thursday, 25 October 2012

TWISTED Jimmy Savile may have sexually abused CORPSES as well as kids, it emerged last night.

Stoke Mandeville Hospital, where he worked as a volunteer, launched an investigation into his unaccompanied mortuary visits.

It came as The Sun uncovered an interview in which the former BBC TV and radio host spoke of his fascination with dead bodies.

The hospital, where Savile had his own room and allegedly abused several young patients, is probing whether he had keys to the mortuary or “interacted inappropriately” with corpses.

A spokesman said: “We have been shocked to hear of the very serious allegations about Jimmy Savile. We continue to co-operate fully with the police."

“We are working closely with our staff and will support them in reporting to the police should they have any information.”

In the 1990 interview with Q magazine, Savile admitted “hanging around” the Buckinghamshire hospital into the early hours.

He told of his pleasure at being alone with the dead and even issued a bizarre unprompted denial that he was a necrophiliac — someone with a sexual attraction to corpses.

Savile, who died last year at 84, said: “One of my jobs is to take away the deceased. You can look after somebody, be alone with somebody, who has lived a whole lifetime, and I’m just saying goodbye and looking after him.

“That is a privilege and an honour. Some people get hold of the fact that Jim likes looking after cadavers and say, ‘Aha, Jim’s a necrophiliac!’ I’m not a necrophiliac.”

Savile’s out-of-the-blue denial echoed similar statements he made insisting he wasn’t a paedophile, years before any accusations were actually made.

In one documentary, Savile admitted he told interviewers he “hated” children in order to put journalists “off the hunt”.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" (PTSD) is often given as a label to survivors of sexual abuse, mainly because the term seems to suit the person, but in reality, all it does is label the problem, and fails to offer any results

What's known as PTSD is simply a natural reaction to a deeply shocking and disturbing experience. e.g. In other words, a normal reaction to an very abnormal situation.

This is due to the knowledge that PTSD could not be a result of "normal" events such as bereavement, business failure, interpersonal conflict, marital disharmony, etc
PTSD results from severe traumatic experiences.
The diagnostic test for PTSD is:
a) The person experiences a traumatic event in which:
They experienced, witnessed or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others, not surprisingly, sexual abuse is one such event!
OR
b) The person's response involves intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
The traumatic event is re-experienced in any of the following ways:
Recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts or perceptions
Recurrent distressing dreams of the event;
Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (e.g. reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociated flashback episodes, including those on wakening or when intoxicated)
Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event
OR
Physiological reactions to internal or external cues that symbolise or resemble any aspect of the traumatic event.
All of which are aspects of sexual abuse/rape!
Also, if you try to avoid any of the following issues, the label fits even better:
1. Avoiding any thoughts, feelings or conversations that may be associated with the trauma;Efforts to avoid activities/places/people that arouse recollections of trauma;
2. Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma;A diminished interest or participation in significant activities;
3. Feeling of detachment or estrangement from others;Restricted range of affect (e.g. unable to have loving feelings;Sense of a foreshortened future (e.g. does not expect to have a career, marriage, children or a normal life span, etc)
4. Persistent symptoms, (not present before the trauma) are noted by at least two of the following:
* Difficulty falling or staying asleep;* Irritability or outbursts of anger;* Difficulty concentrating;
Again, all aspects of sexual abuse/rape!

The Cause of PTSD

PTSD is said to result from accident, disaster, war, torture, kidnap, sometimes a one off event.The focus of PTSD is a single life-threatening event or threat, however it also seen as a symptom that arises from an accumulation of small incidents rather than one major incident.Associated symptoms
Marital disharmony: the person becomes obsessed with what is happening and the experience takes over their life; partners become confused, irritated, bewildered, frightened and angry;separation and divorce are common outcomes.Breakdown
The word "breakdown" is often used to describe the mental collapse of someone who has been under intolerable strain. There is usually an inference of "mental illness.Definitions of breakdown:
* Nervous or mental breakdown as a consequence of mental illness* Stress breakdown is a psychiatric injury, a normal reaction to an abnormal situation
The two types of breakdown are distinct and should not be confused.
A stress breakdown is a natural and normal conclusion to a period of prolonged negative stress.
The body says "I'm not designed to operate under these conditions of prolonged negative stress, so I am going to do something to ensure that you reduce or eliminate the stress, so I'm taking over now".
The person suffering will say something like "I think I'm being paranoid..."; however they identify hypervigilance, a key symptom of PTSD, but use the misunderstood word paranoia.
So, if given this diagnosis, maybe its worth not staying with it, but doing something about it, after all, its just a label, and not the reason for feeling the way you do.

Tuesday, 23 October 2012

This was written many many years ago and included it in my book "Beyond Survivor". Some have thought I was suicidal at the time... I wasn't. I was looking for confirmation. Being a survivor I often felt "out on a limb" from society. I looked for comfort and confirmation of love during dark times. I hope you understand my words...

If I died tonight,
Would you hold my hand
Would you stay beside me
And walk me from this land

Put your arms around me
And never let me go
Share with me your strengh
For I have none of my own

The pain is too much to bear
I can't seem to carry on
My heart now lies shattered
The dreams are now all gone

The feelings were always buried
Deep inside my soul
Slowly they destroyed me
Because I wouldn't let them show

Now I lay here resting
My time on Earth is done
Nothing left to fight for
No where left to run

Put your hand in mine
As I take my final breath
My soul has at last found peace
There awaiting me in Death