October 2, 2007

Oct 2, 2007

I had the most hateful voicemail from Holly one could ever imagine. She used the f-word in ways I had never heard. She told me she hated me. She told me she wished I were dead. She told me that I'd traumatized Charlene and that she would send me the therapy bills. And on it went. I stopped listening midway through because it was just too painful.

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Meanwhile, because I let Mike out of my sight, Sis is not too fond of me right now either. She used words like selfish, callous, insensitive, and reckless. I said if she was such a perfect saint, why didn't she take care of Mike herself? That shut her up.

It seems everyone wants to blame me for something I didn't even do. Did I tell Mike to go over to Holly's house in the middle of the night? Did I tell him to — out of the blue — initiate a conversation about an illicit sexual encounter they had seven years ago? Mike says now that he barely remembers going over there, so I guess it's also my fault that I wasn't home to monitor the amount of pills he swallowed. Sorry, didn't get the memo that I was now Nurse Betty.

OK, I'll admit it. I feel incredibly guilty and stupid about what happened. I shouldn't have left Mike alone, and I shouldn't have gone out for so long. But Blythe and I were really clicking, and I just didn't think, in my wildest imagination, that he'd go and do something so asinine.

So now I'm on 24-hour Mike watch. I'm so worried to go to sleep at night with him in the house that I installed a padlock inside the door that only I have the combination for. Meanwhile, all Mike wants to do is talk about how he can make things right with Holly.

"It's too late for that now," I said, frying him up some pancakes this morning.

"I shouldn't have called her a gold digger and a liar. She was telling the truth. I was going through a crazy time in my life: work was breaking my back, Anna was nagging me nonstop about money, the kids were doing terrible in school. Seeing Holly was the only bright spot in my day."

I put a few blueberry pancakes on his plate and said, "We don't have to talk about this now."

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"No, I want to. That's the problem with our family. We never talk about anything. All these repressed issues and emotions, they just fester until one day — you snap. I lost it that night. I wanted her to hold me so bad, tell me how much she liked me. I wanted to feel wanted, desired, you know? It didn't matter to me that she was engaged or that she used to be your girlfriend. I felt like I deserved this. I know it sounds horrible."

It did — which is why I was so happy when the doorbell rang. Becky was stopping by to relieve me, and I was psyched to shower up and venture out into the world. Blythe and I had plans to play golf. She belonged to a private club and was a big golf nut — my heart be still.

When I opened the door, Donatela stood there in a tight purple dress.

"Hey, stranger," she said. She peeked over my shoulder. "You've got guests. I can come back."

"That might be a good idea…"

Just then, Mike appeared behind me. "Is that Becks? Oh…hello."

Donatela gave me a strange look. I think she thought Mike was my secret gay lover. Not wanting to be rude — or Larry Craig — I introduced them.

"I didn't know you had a brother." Donatela said. She held out her hand and Mike kissed it, Prince Charming style.

"I didn't know my brother had such attractive friends."

As far as lines go, that zinger was right up there with "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see." But Donatela thought it was cute. She smiled brightly and handed me a package. "Just wanted to drop this off. It came to our address by mistake."

Then she gave a little wave. "See you, then. It was nice meeting you, Mike."

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