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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Eighteen things about Eclipse, (the most awesome vampire movie of the summer of 2010) in no particular order:

What I liked:

1. The apparent shirt-poverty amongst the werewolf boys.
2. The fact that Edward totally looks like a vampire and nobody seems to notice. You can see it from a mile away! Are people in Forks, WA. blind or what?!
3. The way Edward sparkles.
4. Bella's hair.
5. All of Charlie's lines.
6. Awesome vampire/werewolf on newborn vampire slow-motion combat.
7. The sound of vampires getting dismembered. (Sounds like metal shattering.)
8. The Cullen's house, except you'd have to carry groceries up two flights of stairs to the kitchen. But who cares if you're a vampire and you're super strong and don't have to buy groceries anyway!
9. Jasper's and Rosalee's background stories. Jasper was a Civil War Veteran/Vampire warrior, Rosalee was a spurned, brutally-violated human, only to become a bitter, vengeful vampire. (Turns out Rosalee has bad taste in men as a human and as a vampire. Raaarrr!)

What I didn't like:

1. Jasper's creepy bug eyes.
2. Emmett's hair. (Actually everything about Emmett.)
3. Rosalee's eyebrows
4. Bella's engagement ring. (It's flat and huge with diamond chips. Edward is a gajillionaire, he could have done better. She's going to catch that thing on the toilet seat whenever she wipes, and everytime that happens she will love Edward a little less.
5. I can't figure out what vampires are made of. They seem pliable enough but when they get hit hard they shatter. I think they must be like silly putty.
6. Carlisle's accent. What kind of accent is that? The fake kind, that's what.
7. There wasn't enough Jessica. She was outstanding in New Moon.
8. Bryce Howard as Victoria. Bad hair, bad make-up. Her hair reminded me of my old Strawberry Shortcake doll.
9. Bella's disregard for personal space.