Knowledge is Power

Celebrity Lifestyle

How does one get to work the Matthew McConaughey beat for US Weekly? That guy has the best job in the world. Every week there’s a two-page spread chronicling him drinking, smoking weed, erupting into fits of exercise, harassing the locals, and falling asleep on various California beaches. Granted, the best job in the world would be to be Matthew McConaughey, but that’s not really a job, it’s more of a handicap. An outrageous, shirtless handicap.

John Krasinski was arrested on drug charges on June 17 after apparently throwing a cocaine-induced fit at Office co-star Jenna Fischer. Police found several grams of the drug as well as an unharmed, but more importantly unidentified, baby in the microwave. A random search of the three-story opium den revealed child pornography, hate literature, a makeshift bong made out of the Koran, Season 3 of Viva La Bam on DVD, and an amateur three-hour tape of him looking befuddled into a video camera.

Just a hearty reminder that LL Cool J can come out of fucking nowhere and just take your woman and there’s not a God damn thing you can do about it.