I Condemnations 13

This is from a newly discovered manuscript excavated from Greenville, SC. It is translated from the original King-James-only English.

1 If I condemn with the tongues of scribes and Pharisees, but do not have self-righteous legalism, I have become an out-of-tune banjo or an episode of Jersey Shore.

2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all confessions and can predict the exact day of the Rapture; and if I have all faith, so as to remove women from the pulpits, but do not have self-righteous legalism, I am nothing.

3 And if I give all my possessions to fight heretics, and if I surrender their bodies to be burned, but do not have self-righteous legalism, it profits me nothing.

4 Self-righteous legalism is intolerant, self-righteous legalism is suspicious and does not trust; self-righteous legalism does not comfort and cannot afford to be humble,

5 will gladly make a scene to protect itself; it does not seek the benefit of others, delights in provocation, and keeps meticulous accounts of wrongs committed,

6 does not rejoice in God’s righteousness, but rejoices with inflexible traditions;

7 despises all things, doubts all things, condemns all things, crushes all things.

8 Self-righteous legalism never loves; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be misinterpreted; if there are tongues, they will be judged; if there is knowledge, it will be covered up for the sake of the denomination.