BJ Shea

BJ'S BLOG 12/13/13 "Girlfriend Troubles"

We heard from a Rock-A-Holic named Dan, whose best friend started dating a new woman a few months ago. The problem is, Dan’s friend pretty much dropped off the map shortly thereafter.

After a couple of months, Dan started to get the impression that his friend was specifically avoiding him, rather than simply being too busy for all of his friendships. Finally, Dan decided to ask his friend if there was a problem.

That’s when the bad news came: The new girlfriend doesn’t like Dan, and never has; his friend refused to tell him why, but assured Dan that the situation was a big deal to his girlfriend. The friend reassured Dan that the two of them would always be friends, but he was choosing to focus on the relationship. Whatever the truth is, Dan has been given the cold shoulder, and he doesn’t know what to do.

I think we all know this story. In this case, I feel like the friend is using his girlfriend as a convenient cover for a bigger problem. If the friendship really means that much to him, he certainly owed Dan something better than a brush-off with no actual reason offered.

Even if he is telling the truth, however, I think the friend needs to seriously evaluate the relationship he’s in. When a partner starts dictating the rules of existing friendships, there’s a loss of stability and direction at play. If Dan’s friend can’t find some equal footing with this new woman, he should almost certainly run for the hills.

As always, we love your feedback, and welcome your personal experiences. Just make sure it’s okay with your girlfriend.