Stop or go on.

Hi:
I am new here.
I want to have your inputs on whether my daughter should stop now or move on.
She is an intermediate skater, skated for 4 years and now is 7.5 yrs old.
Strength: good foundation, with some Star 1 to Star 3A silver and gold reports.
She like skating, at least I am not forcing her into it.
Weakness: inattentive, easily being distracted by other skater in the rinks.
don't have the initiative to push herself. Layback is the average situation of her practice.
Don't want to give out all she had: coach knows what she can do and she just don't think that she need to give it all out, even in lesson.

Lately: started her axel and take a very slow pace in making progress. Thinking about whether she fear about fall that she always stretch her arms out instead of squeezing it tight.

I asked her: from 0 (no fear) to 100 ( scare to death), what is her rating in trying an axel in afraid the fall and pain. Her answer is 59.

Should I stop boldly now? As we all know that figure skating down the road is about how you can make it through all the pain, injuries and still can press forward.

I understand this kind of fear and I never can swim before I can conquer the fear of water, and "feet can't touch the pool ground"

Figure skating is such an every aspects ( time, money, commitment) expensive sport, I should humbly ask more of you folks in what you think.
inputs, please.

Welcome to Golden Skate! I hope someone will answer your question from their personal experience.

However, I would ask whether she's musically inclined, and whether she might like ice dance? If she didn't have to jump, would she love skating more? How are her basic skating skills and speed across compared to the other kids? I'm assuming good, from the reports. If she loved it more, she might focus more too.

Have you asked your daughter if she wants to continue? If she does and it's not a financial hardship for the family to keep her in lessons I see no problem in letting her continue. I was an extremely inattentive child on the ice and didn't really start to put all of my effort into the sport until I was about 12 or 13, but I am very glad that my parents let me continue to get past that stage of development. Does she have a similar inattention problem with other activities, because that can give you an idea of whether it's disinterest in the sport or just her personality. At 7 years old she could very well get over her fear on the axel. It's a jump that often takes time to become comfortable with it. I've known people who took two or 3 years to get it. Doris's idea of trying ice dance is a good one if she likes skating, but is genuinely afraid or just dislikes jumping. Basically it's up to you and what your child wants and what you feel is best for her. Talk to her coach as well as they know her and can probably advise you better on whether it's disinterest or just a phase.

You can go youtube: Rainbow 2013 May and see her latest skate in Star 3 competition if you want to see her speed and overall performance.
Her back spin !! and it is part of the reason she cannot pick up the axel as those who are really good in back spin.
I afraid ice dance is not for kid of this age? At least there is no club provide ice dance for such age.
Inattentive: it is her personality. Reading can easily miss simple words, jump another line. Public skating: easily distracted by other skater or kids.
Part of the overwhelm feeling maybe from the day to day sit there and watch her lay back practice. Even worse is I also do a bit of figure skating and this made the feeling stronger in see her performance.
I told her my expectation is not how fast she can gain more element, ( I look for quality than quantity and the coach understand it well) is how hard she would like to give out her efforts and attention.
Silver.blades: thanks for your personal experience in comforting me, but really hope that I don't need to wait for another 5 years! before she really go with her heart into it.
When she is lesson with a very firm coach, she response, efforts level is high.
When she is with a nicer coach, she just pull back, lay back, keeps her efforts!!
This is her situation.

Go on

Originally Posted by Bill Yeung

You can go youtube: Rainbow 2013 May and see her latest skate in Star 3 competition if you want to see her speed and overall performance.
Her back spin !! and it is part of the reason she cannot pick up the axel as those who are really good in back spin.
I afraid ice dance is not for kid of this age? At least there is no club provide ice dance for such age.
Inattentive: it is her personality. Reading can easily miss simple words, jump another line. Public skating: easily distracted by other skater or kids.
Part of the overwhelm feeling maybe from the day to day sit there and watch her lay back practice. Even worse is I also do a bit of figure skating and this made the feeling stronger in see her performance.
I told her my expectation is not how fast she can gain more element, ( I look for quality than quantity and the coach understand it well) is how hard she would like to give out her efforts and attention.
Silver.blades: thanks for your personal experience in comforting me, but really hope that I don't need to wait for another 5 years! before she really go with her heart into it.
When she is lesson with a very firm coach, she response, efforts level is high.
When she is with a nicer coach, she just pull back, lay back, keeps her efforts!!
This is her situation.

Seems like she may be assuming the intellectual aspect of learning, if you can see to it she finds her own joy in it it may be a self starter. My joy is the amazing connection the moves have and how a subtle difference will change things, as she grows used to finding that amazement, she may move on to higher complexities.

I stayed at the same level but strived to increase speed, that is where subtle differences show up, when you try harder.

I asked myself this question many times. My 13 yo daughter has skated since 4 yo, private lessons since 9 yo. How can you predict what will be? She is very strong and athletic but lacks flexibility and grace. She went through early puberty, and is not petite like she was at 7 yo. My daughter took a year to land her axle due to fear of falling, at age 11 practicing 2-3 weekly. Now it's her favorite jump. Still working on double sal. She does nice sit change sits, camels, etc. she is working on intermediate MIF test, but has remained at preliminary freeskate for 2 1/2 years because she has chosen not to test. We spend $300 plus a month on her and we know she won't be competitive. She does a couple of small competitions a year and learns about winning and losing. She loves doing end of year shows with her group the most. And we are a middle class family working hard. We chose to spend money on this because we see the value in lessons she is learning beyond skating skills. She is learning to work on a team, make decisions, focus and achieve. Of course she could learn these things in any sport but she has tried them and doesn't like to do anything else. She loves the social aspect, needs to exercise, and benefits from the goal setting with her coach. She works hard, but would not do so innately. Few kids would because they can't see the long term benefits. If I see signs of her not working hard I remind her that we will stop her skating lessons. She does not want that to happen. She is building happy memories and work ethic. She is learning about herself. We are happy with this path despite the questions we have had and continue to occasionally have. Best wishes.

She is 7 and easily distracted. If she skates or doesn't skate, that is her. As she gets older, she will probably outgrow being distracted. It's part of her and she is a really little kid. But how can she learn to increase concentration if she doesn't practice concentration?

My thought...I would let her quit if you only want her to skate to be number one, the best....if you want some some of "Pay off" at the end of her skating career. You simply cannot predict the future. Interests change, bodies change and some breakdown.

If you want her to skate because she learns new skills, she loves skating and you want to be her cheerleader and not take the coaching home, let her develop a deep passion for the sport. I have seen dominate parents become intense with their kids because of the sacrifices they made. Well....the child did not ask for those and has no concept of them even if they agreed. It's unfair to them.

thanks loopy:
"But how can she learn to increase concentration if she doesn't practice concentration? "
what a reminder, coaching belong to the coach but somehow concentration problem is the parent side work more!!
It is parent with inattentive kids got extra stress in preparing a "ready" kid so that coach can do their job smoother!!

I already long ago looked pass the so called" pay off, number one, best, career...." Even as good as Yuna Kim (Her career mainly is figure skater but I bet her major income is really not from figure skating!!) , Patrick Chan,,,( Still need to do travel coaching, fund raising dinner.......) so what? they still need a piece of ice, a club - " a circle" to make the career , payoff happen. Piano teacher can teach at home, Tennis coach can rent court and teach...... Not figure skating!! My conclusion is: figure skating can make you famous but not necessary richer!!

" Not taking the coaching home" - I have seen dominate parent........... unfair to them." there is a lot to chew on, thanks.
I learned skating together with her since Canskate 1 to 6 until she is recruited to Junior Academy. I kind of thinking this is a sport that we share together, and grow together in skating skill as well as bonding.
There is a very tricky part between the coach and parent. While coach always insisted that parent should not touch their coaching..... but after a while they will bring the inattentive kid in front of you expressing their frustration........
May be she is in competitive road and coach patience will be way lower than anything.

I will keep observing, especially reflecting from the point of my daughter FIRST.

I presume, if you need to go far and high, coach is the key.\But, in going or not, which direction, I think parent and the kid are the key, right?

thanks for so far so many inputs which somehow brought me lots of insight. To the extend that not thinking sacrifice more for her skating = have reason to demand more from her. Even going back to the core issue of inattentive, may be the only solution is live with it one day at a time.!!

I already long ago looked pass the so called" pay off, number one, best, career...." Even as good as Yuna Kim (Her career mainly is figure skater but I bet her major income is really not from figure skating!!) , Patrick Chan,,,( Still need to do travel coaching, fund raising dinner.......) so what? they still need a piece of ice, a club - " a circle" to make the career , payoff happen. Piano teacher can teach at home, Tennis coach can rent court and teach...... Not figure skating!! My conclusion is: figure skating can make you famous but not necessary richer!!

Yes, that's very true. Even if the kid grows up to be a successful professional skater, the likelihood of earning more money from competing and performing than was spent on her training is very slim. And the likelihood of becoming an elite competitor or star professional performer are also slim.

So I'd say, the reason to invest in serious skating training is if the kid loves skating and is driven to excel. Or, in some cases, if it's more convenient to have the kid at the rink training than whatever else s/he could be doing -- e.g., if the parent already works there so child care would need to be arranged otherwise.

Seven is young to get focused on working hard toward competitive goals. Some kids are ready to start focusing that way at that age; others may get there later.

But younger than 7, they're probably being driven to work by adults rather than from self-motivation. And that's not likely to last as they develop their own interests and plans.

How much does the kid love it, how badly does she want success for herself?

If she does want it enough to justify investing a lot of time and money, then it's appropriate for the parent to help her learn concentration skills to help her achieve her goals.

It sounds as though this coach may be asking more of your daughter than she is developmentally ready to give. If it's too stressful too soon, it may end up souring her on skating altogether.

Rainbow made her first bravest decision 2 hours ago after talking out what is inside her - stop figure skating.
Appreciation and thankfulness:
Coach:
You are the coach took her into JA, hold her hand into first class, of JA group 4. You are also the important one introduced Neil as her private coach. How can I not mentioning all these in this moment?
Rainbow already got all the best she can get in town no matter in figure skating ice or top coaching.
You marked her last 12 months achievement with more gold than silver ribbons.

Money first:
Please let me know all the bills, including the prepared 3B music. Of course including the updated latest coaching fee too and I will pay it right away.
Why now?
(1) As we all agreed, Rainbow is undergoing attention problem all the time that we can remembered.
(2) More important is: you should also agreed that (XXXX is the one suffered most from it!) her efforts played out is way lower than what we expected.
(3) Competitive road is a highway, either you passed others or fall behind. Simple as that. Lay back attitude better consider Starskate!!
(4) Looking back the almost 8 months idling on the progress of axel, I confirmed till the last minute we sit down and talk and before her decision that it is her fear of fall, fear of more fall, fear of more pain from falling. It if from her month eventually.
(5)She lost the interest of skating: Asking about whatever she can think of about any fun of figure skating, she is totally blank out.
(6) Now I understand why the Monday talent show story exist. It seems to us that it co-incidentally crash with her solo learning time, it is not. It is her fear extend to not even want to face the new solo , as she understand that it comes with the axel. It is not my guess. As I asked why this Monday the talent show doesn't happen, but next Monday which again crash the solo learning time, she even cannot answered. ..... In brief, she use this as a reason to get away from it.
(7) I understand Rainbow, and you saw her for a year and you may be also surprised in her lay back of the efforts in the last 6 months. Of course, you coach once a while may guess is it parental stress, over skating....... I understand your feeling while not agree to it too.
(8) I already fully explained to her the choice she can have.
a. She already passed the safety stage of skating on all the single jumps. Down the road is fall and stand up, take the pain and see how well you live it with.
b. She don't have choice to skate half the program.
c. She is not allowed to go back later.
d. Make her own decision to stop doing a thing in which she had been there for 4 years but she no longer found fun in it is hard, but it can be a honest and brave decision. It represent the process of understanding her limitation, take it and make a decision in admitting it.
e. It is not about whether daddy want her to skate or not. She has all the support from my side in either decision.
(9) Is a very honest communication time, very calm time, try my best to raise every question I can imagine in helping her to bring out her feelings, fears, hesitation including any fun she got from figure skating. She listened attentively, think a lot.
(10) I affirmed her that I am proud of her in making a decision base on her clear understanding of her own situation. Daddy's love is still the same no matter she skating or not. I respect her and proud of her in making a difficult decision in carry on or painful decision in stopping it. Tears running down from her eyes. Not only the emotion I saw from it, also the accumulated stress comes with it.
(10) This is a decision. A decision from a 7.5 years old kid who had skated for 4.5 years.
(11)I am proud of her.
(12) Then I go out with her to Sushi garden to have dinner.
(13) I am peaceful in seeing my daughter can speak out her own fear, pick her own choice after the consequence is clearly explained.

this is the end of this thread, thank you for all your inputs which made me learned , keep learning in live.

I'm sorry she is leaving skating. I hope she finds another physical activity that she enjoys. I know from experience it is hard for young skaters to adjust to not skating. It's not just the physical demands but also the camaraderie with other skaters and coaches.