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Conservative collection of scorpions in a bottle

The Lowell Sun

Updated:
03/24/2013 06:34:46 AM EDT

By Michael Goldman

In case you missed it, the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) was held before throngs of stunned right wingers who still can't accept the reality that the ideology they peddle like 19th-century snake oil salesmen was rejected by millions of Americans who think the politics of "no" is the politics of losers.

Taking aim at one another like a circular firing squad, speaker after speaker pointed a finger at someone else as to why the dream of evicting President Barack Obama from the White House fell apart.

There were such fun activities as booing former standard bearer Sen. John McCain, repudiating the decision by conservative Sen. Rob Portman of Ohio to switch his position on gay marriage after his son came out of the closet. The hideous low point of the convention may well have come when participants on a panel, which was created to examine how the current Republican party might broaden its electoral success by reaching out to minorities, erupted in gasps of disbelief when an audience member representing the Towson University White Student Union offered that a better strategy might be to "think of our party like a hand, unified but separate like fingers."

In other words, as the old Democratic racist Alabama Gov. George Wallace said some 50 years ago, "segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever."

Like scorpions in a bottle, speaker after speaker found someone else at fault for the 2012 debacle.

The eventual winner of the CPAC straw poll, Sen.

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Rand Paul took a shot at poor Mitt Romney when he declared, "the GOP of old has grown stale and moss-covered." (Before Rand's bizarre fans start ordering new curtains for the Lincoln bedroom based on his overwhelming 1 percentage point victory over Sen. Marco Rubio, it should be noted that his dad, former U.S. Rep. Ron Paul had won this confab's presidential poll multiple times, and we saw how far that got him in his quest for the White House!)

Ancient, conservative cultural warrior Phyllis Schlafly blamed the loses on the "moderate campaigns" run by former nominees Bob Dole, McCain and Romney.

The fact that all three of those candidates campaigned as anti-choice, pro-gun, anti-gay, pro-creationism, anti-union, pro-educational vouchers for private and parochial schools, anti-stem cell research and pro-tax cuts for the wealthiest 1 percent, obviously convinced Schlafly that had those candidates only run as real conservatives, they all would have won.

Meanwhile, well known vemonist Ann Coulter turned her wrath on New Jersey's Republican Gov. Chris Christie, who had the audacity to admit publicly last November that the Obama administration was doing more for his state than the Republican Congressmen who were blocking disaster-relief funds.

Barred from speaking for this "high crime and misdemeanor," Christie found himself on the outside looking in along with last year's star headliner Virginia Gov. Robert McDonnell, who had committed the unpardonable sin of increasing taxes back at home in order to repair an antiquated road and bridge system.

Not to be overshadowed by fellow "mean girls" Schlafly and Coulter, former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin first mockingly chastised the "lame-stream media" for pushing the false story line that conservatives were at each others throats, then proceeded to blame consultants like former President George W. Bush's master puppeteer Karl Rove for the 2012 debacle.

Never one to duck a fight, Rove responded on Fox News that, unlike Palin, he wouldn't have quit on the people of Alaska just to make a couple of bucks participating in third-rate cable-reality show programming.

Not to be outdone, Sen. Ted Cruz brought his Washington dustup with McCain and U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham into the hall when he said, "If standing for liberty and the Constitution makes me a 'wacko bird' (as McCain and Graham had said about him), than call me a wacko bird."

Clearly, Palin was correct when she belittled the media for claiming the conservatives were at each others "throats" at the event.

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