Jealousy is an ugly emotion, yet it’s difficult to escape. It seems like there’s always something to be jealous over. From your sister’s awesome fashion style to your coworker’s constant praise from your boss, jealousy is probably a part of your life. So how can you get a grip on your jealous tendencies and start to fully appreciate what you have? Find out now. Plus: Rate your jealousy.

“To cure jealousy is to see it for what is it, a dissatisfaction with self.” Joan Didion

Shakespeare called it the “green-ey’d monster.” You know it as that powerful emotion you feel when you see your significant other talking to someone of the opposite sex or when your neighbor cruises up in the luxury car you’ve been dreaming about but could never afford. Jealousy is not only intense, but a very common emotion, even for the most self-confident of people.

Jealousy can lead to hurt, anger and other destructive behavior that ultimately hurts yourself and the relationships in your life. For example, you may not run over to your neighbor and scream at him for his purchase but you might pick an ugly fight with your significant other, even if their interaction was innocent. Jealousy can quickly cripple a relationship if it isn’t checked, and can make you look insecure and weak. So in order to understand how to better curb any jealous tendencies, we have to figure out exactly why it is that you feel jealous in the first place.

Jealousy as Insecurity

It’s easy to see how jealousy can stem from personal insecurity or a lack of self-confidence or lack of confidence in the strength of a relationship. Jealousy may also stem from feeling insecure about how the future will play out with someone, for example, with your partner or with a parent who pays more attention to your siblings. Also keep this in mind: You can be confident with yourself but insecure about your relationship, but you can rarely be confident with your relationship and insecure about yourself.

Jealousy as Envy

Jealousy and envy are obviously one in the same. These emotions are a want for something you don’t have or cannot measure up to. It’s no coincidence that if you feel envious, you’re said to be “green with envy,” and if you feel jealous, you’re experiencing the “green-ey’d monster.” “Green” actually means sick. However, unlike jealousy, envy is usually a little less destructive.

Jealousy as Power

Jealousy also takes form in the struggle for power. Acting out on your feelings of jealousy is a way to exert your power over something you may feel is being threatened or taken away from you. But jealousy doesn’t prove to someone just how much you love them. You may also be giving power to the person who is involved in your jealousy, especially if you take your emotions too far. Purposely making someone jealous is another way to exert your power over them.

Jealousy as Dependency

Jealousy as dependency is fueled by jealousy as insecurity, envy and power. You show your jealousy in a relationship because you want to be provided reassurance for future security purposes. You want someone to validate you and you don’t want to lose them because you’re not confident enough to be self-sufficient.

Abnormal Jealousy

Many people can experience jealousy but quickly squash it before it turns into an over-reactive, hurtful situation. Others may choose to react with rage, violence, dependency, possessiveness, self-criticism, resentment, embarrassment, loneliness or fear. These types of reactions are considered abnormal jealousy, and if you exhibit these once or on a regular basis, you’re risking pushing someone you love away.

Your partner doesn’t want to feel like you question their love and devotion for them or that you’re seeking to control them. They want to feel that there’s a mutual trust in the relationship. Besides abnormal jealousy being not good for confidence and relationships, it’s also not good for your physical or mental well being because it produces anxiety and stress.

Getting a Grip on Jealousy

So the burning question is this: How do you get a grip on jealous emotions and can you ever really eliminate them for every situation that arises? The only logical solution to avoid jealousy is to accept yourself for both your imperfections and gifts, and to involve yourself in healthy, solid relationships.

Building self-confidence is not always easy, and often comes with age, but confidence in yourself is key to keeping jealousy at bay. You have things others don’t while they have things you don’t.

That is reality and you need to accept that or work on the things that you want to change. When you feel good about who you are, you’ll recognize that you’re unique, interesting, capable of carrying on a healthy relationship and can offer your partner something others can’t – your unique self.

To avoid jealousy in relationships, first you should choose a partner with a good track record in the trust department. You may also need to be up front with your partner about any doubts or fears you have and discuss whether they should be founded or not. If they are valid, then your jealousy will never subside and the relationship is not for you. However, constantly giving false accusations about what you think your partner’s intentions may be will push them away quickly.

Jealousy may be unavoidable, but ultimately you are responsible for how you deal with this emotion.

Are You Too Jealous?

Jealousy may have run rampant in your high school cliques, but isn't it time you grew out of this ugly emotion? It's easy to get jealous when somebody gets the promotion you wanted or when you think your relationship is being compromised by another person. But there are different degrees of jealousy, and the way you handle it makes all the difference. Find out if you're too jealous for your own good. Take this jealousy quiz.