Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Celebrity publishing has reached a new… something or other, with news that 'Celebrity Big Brother's' Chantelle is to publish her autobiography.

She's signed a £300,000 deal hot on the heels of Billie Piper, who signed some similar kind of big-money deal for a ghost written book.

Chantelle rose to fame five months ago when she entered the 'Celebrity Big Brother House' and has since been relentlessly flogged by PRs and Channel 4. She might be getting married to serial marriage proposer and Preston of indie band The Ordinary Boys .

Five months? An autobiography? Surely it should be a short story littered with the phrase "Oh my god". If she runs into trouble I'm sure Victoria Beckham would take her call. Posh last year told us "I haven't read a book in my life" despite having "written" one: Learning to Fly. Clearly, Learning to Write was rejected as a title.

Hopefully, some of Chantelle's choice Big Brother lines will be reprinted for...errr prosperity.

On George Galloway: "He's a right chauvinistic pig, whatever that means." And on hearing basketball player Dennis Rodman boast of sleeping with 2,000 women: "That's more than 100! That's more than 500!"

I can just about see the case with Billie, who at 23 has been a celebrity of sorts since she was about 16. She married Chris Evans and stars in 'Doctor Who', she might have a few tales to tell, you know, if you care.

Clearly I'm not the target market for these books -- this new brand of autobiography is books written by those who don't write for those who don't read and they are a publishing sensation. Sharon Osborne's book and Jordan's 'Being Jordan' are massive hits. Not to mention Wayne Rooney, 20, who is apparenlty getting £5m for the story of his short life.

But five months of celebrity and a £300,000 deal? That's like half a BBC Radio presenter’s yearly salary.