The building adaptations were
proceeding satisfactory and with Gasper tied up with further
negotiations with the town council Plink had persuaded Whitebeard the
pirate to take him along on his weekly visit to the Blue Parrot Inn
where the captain conducted the growing shipping trade of the new
TCTCC. He had promised to be good and not upset any of the clientÃ¨le
but just before they entered the premises Whitebeard decided to
reminded him.

Whitebeard:â€ Arr, now listen me
laddo, you be a'going in a Parrot an tis a wild an windy place for a
land lubber to take a swig an best mind how you steer as I told you,
Arr, Jonah Whitebeard be taking you in and wants to take you out,
Arr!â€

Plink: â€œ Oh super, great. I will be
careful and make sure I don't spill my drink Captain Whitebread.â€

They push through the
heavy door into the Blue Parrot. The room is large and dim and smoky
and smells of tobacco and spilt beer and sweet rum and rotten fruit
and sweat and bad breath and cheap perfume. It is filled with wooden
tables and benches on which scores of sea dogs are sitting and
drinking and smoking and spitting and eating and talking in loud
voices. There are a number of others lying on the floor apparently
fast asleep. At the back of the room is a bar crowded with more sea
dogs to which Whitebread steers a steady course, pushes several
loungers aside and orders.

He
moves away from the bar and slowly mooches over to an empty table
followed by Plink. Several eyes follow them and heads nod to each
other and fingers are pointed. Once seated (with his back to the
wall) Whitebeard scans the room looking for familer faces, faces he
knows, faces he could approch and faces to aviod. Plink, who is
facing the wall, swings round to see the room and gazes with open
interest at everyone else. This causes scowls and mutterings and dark
looks and promps Whitebeard to give more advice.

Whitebeard:
â€œArr me laddo! Tis best not lookin at the scubbers in a Parrot Inn.
Tis not nice an could mean ye leave missing things that don't grow
back! Jus drink away an stay here an always keep the keg filled up.â€

Plink:
â€œ This is great, super! Blue Parrot! Are there any more blue
parrots for us to visit?â€

Whitebeard:
â€œ Arr me little rascal, do ye not know that all pirate inns are
parrots? Bless ye sodden soul laddo. But this here is the only blue
one. There be a yellow parrot an a red parrot an a dark green parrot
an a dirty parrot an there be a stuffed parrot on the coast of Larn.
There are parrots all over the land an seas an pirates everywhere can
find a welcoming keg and a snug bed an soft company, Arr!â€

Plink:
â€œ Super!â€

Whitebeard:
â€œ Now me laddo... I've seen a shipmate an is going to talk to him
so you just sit here an I'll be back once I've sorted out a cargo to
be taken to your uncle, Lord Granlik back in the old country.
Remember, keep ye nose clean and drink ye drink.â€

Suddenly
Plink finds himself alone looking at a wall. There are various
comments written on the wall, mainly concerning the establishment,
various clientÃ¨le, both male and female, pirate ships and locations,
Port officials and suggestions as to what can be done to them, exotic
drawings carved with loving care and some very suggestive poems that
look quite interesting. Plink leans forward to read an extremely
informative piece of prose when someone slaps him on the shoulder and
sits down next to him.

Mascara
Billy: â€œHallo sailor!â€

Plink:
â€œ Ohh hallo, I'm not a sailorâ€

Mascara
Billy: â€œDon't worry, neither am I (he nudges Plink in the ribs)
Haven't seen you before in here.â€

Plink:
â€œNo, it's my first time.â€

Mascara
Billy: â€œOoh, fancy that. I'm so pleased I found you then and will
really try and make you comfortable. (he grabs Plinks hand and begins
to shake it) My names Billy and I can show you around.â€

Plink:
â€œ Thats so nice of you but I can't move from here at the moment.
(he trys to get his hand free but Billy won't let go) are you feeling
ok?â€

Mascara
Billy: â€œ I'm feeling fine baby (putting his other hand on Plinks
leg) you just stay sitting there and leave the rest to me!â€

Before
anything else can transpire Billy is rapidly yanked from the chair
and feels Whitebeards cutlass scraping his neck. Plink jumps up and
sees Billy properly for the first time. He is wearing a purple dress
covered by a dark cloak and pink slippers. A long black tatty wig
frames a chalk white face with both eyes plastered with runny mascara
and a broken hairy nose completes the vision. Most of the room is now
filled with grinning faces and raucous laughter rings out. Shouts of
â€œBilly strikes againâ€ and â€œWhitebeard saves his jolly rodgererâ€
â€œAll hands on dick!â€ follow Whitebeard and Plink as they exit
the inn, leaving Billy sobbing at the bar. Outside, a furious
Whitebeard berates Plink for putting his reputation into jeopardy and
ruining a nights drinking,

Whitebeard:
â€œArr! Ye be a cussed landlubber an a hole in the bilge tank master
Plink! Tis a good thing I managed to grab Fighting Sheila, she of the
Pirates co-Conspiracy Association and agree terms to sail the cargo
as soon as she gathers her crewâ€

Plink:
â€œ I just thought he was from the local Tourist board. They have
been coming to the house recently and General Gasper thinks they
cound be helpfulâ€

Whitebeard:
â€œ Arr! Tis no worry laddo an maybe better Billy saw ye before Black
Jack M'tavish and his lads took an interest.â€

And
so they made their way back to the growing Trade House. Gasper was
pleased that another cargo back to Tor Carrock was fixed and
Whitebeard resolved never to take Plink with him to a Parrot Inn
again. That evening over a superb meal of squid hash and chips
prepared by Kroc Bosha, Plink startled the whole company by suddenly
declaring that you should never shake hands with a pirate. Whitebeard
said nothing and ignored several questioning looks,

Ardvic and Plink rushed up the steps
and glanced upwards where a large new sign had been erected since
they had left the building some hours age. It read Tor
Carrock Trading Company.

They continued through the half
completed entrance hall into the half completed office complex,
jumping over stacks of timber and causing the local workers to shout
at them and into the only completed office although one wall was
still not in place and the dust from the assembly yard blew in
bringing with it the sweet smell of rotting fruit.

The others were all sitting round
the main table and General Gasper was looking very annoyed. The two
young men sat down, both out of breath. The noise of banging, sawing,
hammering and shouting from scores of builders around them and in
some cases, above the room made for short tempers.

Gasper: â€œYou are both late... again.â€

Ardvic: â€œSorry sir, we were delayed
by a column of orc spearmen who had been given the wrong direction to
the west docks.â€

Plink (speaking at the same time): â€œ
Ohh, we were chased by a roauge elephant that came out of the woods.â€

Kalnut: â€œ You've both been in the Ale
House again and forgot about the meetingâ€

Gasper: ( glaring at Plink) â€œYour
uncle Lord Granlik has asked if you are learning the principles of
management and administration in our new venture and would not be
pleased if I inform him that you spend a considerable amount of time
in the local Ale House in dubious company.â€

Ardvic: â€œ I'm not at all dubious. I'm
a talented songwriter and poet in the best glade elf tradition and
you have all said my sketches of this new trading centre have helped
construction.â€

Plink: â€œ I think they are Great!
Super!â€

Mage Banpop:â€ (looking at Ardvic) You
still haven't included my magical workshop in the design and it must
have good ventilation at all timesâ€

Kalnut: â€œI bet those twins who like
dancing on the table were in the Ale. Now their what I call talent!â€

Ardvic: â€œ Red hair always brings out
the expressive side of me.â€

Kalnut: â€œ What does it bring out in
you Plink? Ha Ha!â€

Gasper: â€œ Gentlemen! We must get on!
Now, Capt. Whitebeard has obtained the services of another ship for
the movement of goods between Elgea and us here in the Pirate Isles,
Capt Whitebeard?â€

Whitebeard:â€ Arr me beauties.. Tis me
old shipmate Noddy Jim, he who always nods his head even when he be
saying no to some scupper. Arr, that has got him in many a scrap,
Arr, but he's a good man an can swing a marlin spike when you needs
him, Arr!â€

Gasper: â€œThank you capt. That means
we now have four ships available and so I think we can now purchase
more redwood for shipment, Sargent Griffin, you will go to the logger
merchant and buy sufficent.â€

Griffin: â€œ SIR!â€

Gasper: â€œ I can aslo inform you that
Lord Granlik has now provided us with sufficientt funds to purchase
the old fish dock and our first cargo of fruit and timber has arrived
at our elgea port and been transported onwards to Nafflink.â€

Companions: â€œ Here here!
Super! Wow. Arr! Gnassh Poh!

Gasper: â€œ Yes, we are making
progress but now we must really concentrate on getting a reliable
source of income which brings us to Mr Bosha's Restaurant. We need to
get it up and running as soon as possible. Everything must be put on
hold until it is finished. The main dining room is almost done and
the proper ovens are being delivered next week.â€

Kroc: â€œ It's a pity the first
ones were no good but I couldn't work with themâ€

Plink: â€œ Someone should have
told the forge that you were an orc and needed BIG ovensâ€

Banpop: (tapping the table) â€œMy
workshop needs to be the next one after the restaurant as I NEED a
workshop to start my trainee magician training. Us dwarfs NEED to be
doing something.â€

Kalnut: ( glaring at Banpop) â€œ
You will annoy the local Tower starting up magic training. And if you
start waving your arms about to much it could affect my experiments.
Ardvic, when you work out where his workshop is going to be I want
you to put it as far away from my laboratory as possible. â€œ

Banpop: (raising his eyebrows at
Kalnut) â€œ It's funny but you have really never told us what you are
going to do in this â€œlaboratoryâ€ have you Kalnut? If anyone is
going to cause the local Mage Tower to come snooping around it will
be you and playing about with all this â€œscienceâ€ nonsense.â€

Kalnut: (raising his voice) â€œ
Scientific research is a new and exciting field so I don't know what
I shall be doing unlike magic which is old and stuffy and everyone
just trains to do what people have been doing for ages, so there!â€

Gasper:(getting a bit
exasperated) â€œ Whatever you do it will have to earn its keep, at
least waving your arms about will bring in the punters!â€

Ardvic.: â€œ The Ale House wants
me to sing weekends in the main bar and I do some patron sketching at
The Kings Keg as well, Plink comes along sometimes.â€

Plink: â€œ Its Super! Great!â€

Gasper: â€œ As part of my duties
I have been studying the political situation here in the Broken Lands
( he nods to a large pile of The Illyriad Times on the table) and
also the general economic level ( nods to another pile of local
papers) and think we can do a bit of general advertising of our
talents and get some interest going in the company.â€

Whitebeard: â€œ Arr, me
beauties, tis a fine crew we has here with lots of expertise on
board. I spy magics an cooking an army skills an sailing an arty
stuff an brainy shipmates, Arr! We can all be pulling on the ropes to
keep a true line.â€

Banpop: (looking round the
table) â€œ What will Plink be doing? He was in charge of our
expedition but we aren't doing any experditioning any more and I know
his uncle is still keeping us here with the new company and is still
paying for a lot, but what will he be doing?â€

There
is a short embarrassed silence, broken by General Gasper, speaking in
his best clipped diplomatic military style.

Gasper: â€œCaptain Plink is an
officer of the Intelligence Corps and has been charged by his uncle,
Lord Granlik to observe the workings of this enterprise and report
back to him from time to time, while also providing assistance, as he
thinks fit, to members of the company as necessary. He also acts in
an advisory manner to myself, who has been appointed by Lord Granlik
as the General Manager.â€

There
is another short silence and then they carry on discussing and
debating how the company would manage to earn sufficient income to
keep them all safely housed. Gasper informed them that Sargent
Griffin would be training the town guard every Friday afternoon and
he (Gasper) was now advising the local pirate King who was thinking
of having plate armour as standard infantry equipment. The workmen
carry on working about them and the fruity smell from the yard gets
stronger.

Lord Granlik stood leaning over the
table and studying a large map of the north eastern section of the
Broken Lands. There were several other maps scattered over the table
along with pencils, rulers, protractors, rolls of coloured tape,
bottles of white paste, empty beer jugs, three piles of documents and
a half eaten cheese sandwich. Standing round the the table with him
were Count Figgy (Minister of Supply) and Baron Alban (Treasury) both
of which were watching Advisor
Purpunk-Nosh (Diplomatic Corps) leaning over the map with Granlik.

Lord Granlik: â€œWhich city are we supposed to be looking at?â€

Advisor Purplunk-Nosh: â€œHere Sire, by this swampy river. The
problem is that its on the wrong side of the awamps from our trading
centre so there is a ferry charge and while the convoy waited a
couple of days to be transported across the stuff disappeared
overnight.â€

Granlik: â€œ6000 heavy armour pieces vanished overnight but the rest
of the cargo was not touched at all?â€

Purplunk-Nosh: â€œ Yes Sire.â€

Granlik: â€œAnd General Gasper says we are bound by contract and thus
must send another lot of armour?â€

Purplunk-Nosh: â€œYes Sire. Lord Stilton is a leading member of the
local alliance and General Gasper says their support is vital in
maintaining good relations with the Pirate Hubs. Captain Whitebeard
agrees with him and also thinks his alliance will soon join the
current Land Claim war that is going on near there.â€

Granlik: â€œ I know whats coming... We cannot aford to be seen to
renage on a contract as it will distroy all faith in the Company
thoughout the Broken Lands. Am I correct?â€

Purplunk-Nosh: â€œ Yes Sire.â€

Granlik: â€œElf's Ears! More costs... Alban, why did I think up this
scheme?â€

Alban: â€œIt was to mitigate the downturn in the global economy and
also ensure we grasped a superior position in supplying war exports
in the Broken Lands my Lord.â€

Granlik snorted
and stood up straight. He looked round his new Office and wondered if
it was worth the cost. His new desk, covered with half written
letters and back copies of the Illyriad Times was near the swing
door to the new balcony which overlooked the courtyard, while in the
east wall was a door leading to his old withdrawing room. On the west
wall was another door which was ajar and from which could be heard
whispers. Lastly a large double door in the north wall opened out
into the central corridor and at which two spear men stood at ease.

Granlik: â€œ Figgy! When is the next shipment due to sail? And has
Nifflink produced its target of siege blocks this month?

Voice from the back office: â€œNafflink Sire, Nefflink does leathers
Sire.â€

Figgy: (taking note of the voice) â€œ Everyone is on schedule apart
from Nofflink which is running low in iron but they are expecting
supplies from Hub 2 in a few days Sire.â€

Granlik: â€œHummpâ€

Alban: â€œ Pardon my Lord but may I ask where you obtained the two
clerks in the back office?â€

Granlik: â€œAhh, of course you are new here. It's a long story..
there used to be a paper published here called The Illyriad Free
Times but the Editor unfortunately got drowned sailing to the Broken
Lands so I had to close it down. Then recently,when I decided to
start this Trade scheme going I realised I would need some office
staff and I remembered those two scallywags, Found them running a pie
and mash shop in Nufflink. When we began trading I tried to keep
their office door shut but it always seems to be open...â€

Alban: â€œ They seem to be very efficient my Lord.â€

Granlik: â€œHmm, I think they sleep in there as well. Figgy! Ships!â€

Figgy: â€œWhat Sire? Ships?â€

Granlik: â€œ Yes Ships! When is the next shipment leaving our dock on
the southern coast?â€

Figgy: â€œErr, I'm still waiting news that the two ships sailing
under under Capt Qou's flag have arrived from the Pirate Isles,
Sire.â€

Voice from the back office: â€œDocked yesterday Sire, all nuts and
berries unloaded and on route to Hub 3. Should sail with cargo to the
Pirate Isles by Thursday.â€

Figgy: â€œ Err, I think they are correct my Lord.â€

Granlik: (looking sharply at him) â€œFiggy! Take care!â€

Purplunk-Nosh: â€œ Well, things seem to be in order my Lord and I
must remind you that its your nephew Plink's birthday next month and
also several young ladies of the Royal court have sent self-portraits
with requests that they be sent to him for for his perusal.â€

Granlik: â€œ Hmm.. I never got any portraits when I was young and
raring to go. Royal court! All I got were scribbled sketches done in
the local tavern. I bet the young fool will use them to swat the buzz
flies away. Anyway send them along with my present to him. The large
elephants footstool.â€

Purplunk-Nosh: â€œ Yes Sire.â€

Granlik: â€œ I was reading the Illyriad Times yesterday and see that
there's another of these land claim wars broken out down there.
Sigmund wets his pants every time that happens in case there is a
claim here in Elgea so he keeps sending out suggestions that all
troublemakers are given half price migration passage to the southern
continent. Of course all established alliances already put pressure
on their young upstarts to move there anyway.â€

Alban: â€œ I understand that unofficially a number of our senior
alliances are encouraging ferment between certain southern groups so
as to impress upon the common people that land claims should not
spread to Elgea and threaten our stable existence..â€

Figgy: â€œ Anything for a quite life.â€

Granlik: â€œ Hmm, it can get too quite. As you know I like to catch
elephants but recently it has become a bit boring. And of couse we
are running out of places to store all those elephant foot stools.
Prehaps I should join a small war somewhere if only to give the army
some real experience . A large number of our troops have never had
any since the LWO- BSH war back in 2012.â€

Alban: â€œ Your old alliance lost badly I understand My Lord? â€œ

Granlik: â€œ Yes, we did. I remember 20,000 orcs banging on the door
and waving poles with heads stuck on the top at meâ€

Figgy: â€œ I was only a field officer then Sire and remember the
relief we all felt when they got the recall orders and thay all
marched back to Mal Motsha.â€

Granlik: â€œRight! I think we are concluded here and I am now going
to see the Minister for War who is still trying to get me to agree a
navy when we are situated several hundred miles from the nearest
coast!. We now have a dozen of very well paid pirate captains taking
care of our shipping trade so I know his game. He just wants a larger
staff so that he will get a larger salary. Isn't that right Advisor
Purplunk- Nosh?â€

And so Lord
Granlik and his ministers leave the Trade Office and go their
separate ways. The double doors are closed by the guards and the room
is empty. From the back office the glug of liquid and the clink of
glasses can be heard.

Ardvic: Much to short and I don't like
full frontals as you can't see the ears properly.

Kalnut: Ears? What have ears got to do
with anything? Ears don't do anything for me.

Ardvic: Well, your not an elf. Ears are
very important to Elves.

Kalnut: Plinks not an elf so he doesn't
look at ears much. He checks lower down first, ehh Plink?

Plink: I think she looks super..... put
her on the ok pile.

Kalnut: If you put any more on the ok
pile it will fall over, how about a few on the rubbish pile?

Plink: But they all look great. I don't
want to discard any of them.

Ardvic: Well you will have to. What's
the point of deciding to pick out the best ones if you won't discard
any of them?

Plink had received from his uncle
Lord Granlik twelve self portraits of eligible young women who
attended the Royal Court of King Sigurd and who wished Plink to be
aware of their charms. It was widely known throughout Elgea that
Plink was Granliks favourite nephew and that the traditional way of
the ruling Ploberman family was for the current Lord to chose his
successor to rule once he was either killed, died or stepped down
from office.

Also the fact that Granlik had for
many years avoided aligning his domain with any Alliance had
attracted the interest of many Lords to a possible marriage of one of
their daughters to Plink.

So Plink had invited his close
childhood friend Kalnut and his drinking companion, the wood elf
Ardvic to help him choose a couple of likely candidates for him to
write to.

Ardvic: Perhaps if
you give them points out of ten instead of just saying Great or
Super?

Plink: That's a
super idea!

Kanut: Ok. This
one is a blond, her letter says she is a good cook, dress maker,
likes dancing.

Plink: Great! Put
her on the ok pile.

Ardvic: NO! Points
out of ten!

Plink: Err, ten!

Kalnut: Ok, Hears
another blond and I like the way she fills out that dress. Another
good cook and dress maker but likes long walks in the park.

Plink: Defiantly
ten!

Ardvic: Tell me
Plink, I've seen your uncles profile and wondered why he is called
Lord Granlik because that's his first name. He really should be
called Lord Ploberman as that is his surname. Why is he called Lord
Granlik?

Plink: Ahh, it's
traditional. The first Lord Ploberman used our surname like every
other House but after he died his son got fed up with everybody
blaming him for the mess the first Lord Ploberman caused while
learning how to be a Lord and run things. So he called himself Lord
Ploberman the Second. Then later on he realised that both his sons
were idiots and couldn't run a raffle so he decided to choose his
successor from the men within the family and after thinking about it
he picked his cousin Albert to succeed him and the family liked the
idea.

Ardvic: So Albert
became the next Lord Ploberman?

Plink: Yes he did,
but then he didn't. When Albert became Lord he didn't want to be
known as Lord Ploberman the Third so he decided to use his first name
so he called himself Lord Albert and that's how its been ever since.
I know its confusing but that's the way we Plobermans like it.

Ardvic: I see. So
if your uncle picks you to succeed him you will be Lord Plink?

Plink: Yes. Oh
look, a redhead! Put her on the ok pile Kalnut.

Kalnut: Righto,
there she goes. Has he picked you already Plink? Everybody knows you
are his favourite.

Plink: He's picked
someone but the name is in sealed envelope hanging over the fireplace
in his Withdrawing Room so its a secret. Now that's a really nice
picture and you can see her ankles as well.

Kalnut: And that
must be a bit of knee showing there. On the ok pile?

Plink: Yes please,
Super!

Ardvic: I think
the best thing is to write to then all and ask if they would like
crossing the Bitter Sea to pay you a visit here and also ask if they
mind bugs everywhere. That will sort them out.

Kalnut: What will
your girlfriend Gladriall think if she finds out that you are looking
at all these girls from the royal court? I bet she will not be all
that pleased, with her being in Nefflik an you here in the Pirate
Isles.

Plink: Ohh, I've
got a funny feeling that she is the one who told these girls to send
their portraits. Gladriall is at the royal court now since her dad,
Count Muffty sent her there last year. Uncle says she is thinking of
sending me a letter explaining why things can change when you are in
a new place and that I will understand as I'm also in a new place
here. I'm really looking forward to getting it. She's Super!

Kalnut (looking
sideways at Ardvic): Ahh...

Ardvic (returning
the look): Mmm...

Plink: Oh, have I
missed something?

Kalnut (rapidly
changing the subject) What have you done with that elephants foot
stool that your uncle sent you for your birthday? I haven't seen it
around recently.

Plink: I gave it
to Banpop. He uses it for target practise when he tries his â€œZapitâ€
spell. It's a bit of a mess now.

The conversation dies and the
friends continue to look at the portraits and after much discussion
and debate and many ribald remarks which young men often engage in
when in only their own company and talking about young women finally
manage to reject two of the twelve by dinner time. After dinner they
quickly depart to the local Ale House before General Gasper thinks of
something for them to do.

General Gasper decided that another
inspection was needed. His military training compelled him to do just
once more even though he had done one only the previous day. So he
summoned Sargent Griffin to join him and also called Plink who was
chatting to one of the local girls who had been hired to clean the
main lobby of the building.

They marched through the lobby and
turned right past the offices and into the main assembly hall. It had
been transformed. A week previous the hall had been full of plain
tables and benches and various stacks of equipment, boxes, cartons,
ropes, waterproof covers and a number of small carts and hand wagons.
The hall was now filled with three long white cloth covered tables
with benches ether side that extended up to another red topped top
table at the end of the hall. From the roof hung bundles of
evergreens and winter red berries.

Along the walls were smaller tables
on which were stacks of food bowls and tankards. On the walls there
were small hanging garlands of fragrant herbs. A number of local
women (elf and human) were checking and dusting while Kroc the cook
was supervising three table servers who were practising walking up
and down the rows without banging into each other.

Ardvic could be seen waving his arms
about at the top of the third row as the four scouts of the party
pulled the tables apart and re-arranged the benches further from the
wall. Gasper hurried over to him.

Gasper: What is
going on? What are you doing?

Ardvic: We have to
move this end of this row away from the wall.

Gasper: Why? It
was fine yesterday, why are you moving it now?

Ardvic: Its
Ulharadd, the local Pirate King. He now wants his personal orc
bodyguard in the room with him and each one is eight foot plus and
they will also be wearing their full body armour, they need at lot of
room. His valet says it was agreed when he asked earlier.

Gasper: What!` Who
agreed that?

Plink: Err, I did.
He just asked if it was a big hall and if eight guards could come in
out of the cold.

Gasper: Great Gods...

Kroc (shouting over) They will be
useful if those Elves and Dwarves from the local chamber of commerce
start arguing again.

Gasper (shouting back): What! Are they
at it again?

Kroc (shouting): Yez, the last meeting
had to be abandoned.

Gasper: We don't need this but Lord
Granlik wants the traditional Elgea New Year Wishing celebration to
be held here and be a success. The Broken Lands don't seem to have
anything like it. He thinks it will help our trade mission to hold
one and he told me to invite anybody of importance and it seems the
word has got out and everyone who thinks they are important has asked
to come.

Ardvic: I've always liked the Wishing
Party!

Gasper: Its a pain in the ass and I'm
fed up with the whole thing. I wish I knew who told Granlik that
they don't have New Year Wishing down here.

Two days later in a howling blizzard
the guests arrive at the Trade Centre and climb the steps into the
Lobby where General Gasper in full dress uniform and Plink,
resplendent in his House of Ploberman livery greet them. Captain
Whitebeard dressed in his best pirate gear and with the traditional
patch over his left eye siphons off the main guests into the Board
Room for a quick drink and Kalnut hands everyone else a brief summery
of the advantages of using the Trade Centre and directs them towards
the Main Hall.

In the hall a frantic Ardvic tries
unsuccessfully to hand out the menu and indicate where everyone
should sit. At the top table Banpop the Mage entertains the crowd
with some simple magic spells of coloured clouds interspersed with a
few â€œheat waftsâ€ to keep the temperature up. The town health and
safety committee had decreed that the many free standing fire boxes
in the hall could not be lit until everyone had been seated. A number
of mages from the local town tower assist him with the result that
parts of the hall become extremely hot and two of the overhead
vegetation bundles catch fire. A quick â€œDampDownâ€ zap puts them
out.

Sargent Griffin and his scouts have
been given the job of showing guests to their seats and smiling at
everyone which they do apart from Griffin who never smiles and just
points where they should go. Unfortunately most people under his
direction think he is also going to serve them there so they quickly
sit down somewhere else.

Once the main guests are assembled
in the Board Room Gasper and Plink join them and Whitbeard for some
small talk and drinks. In the Hall once everyone has been seated
Griffin and his men preform some spear drills accompanied by Ardvic
playing his Elven Squash Pipes. These have never before been heard in
the Broken Lands and cause the Pirate Kings guard to jump up with
weapons drawn. Luckily the other guests think it is part of the
entertainment and give a rousing cheer so they sit down again.

General Gasper and Plink leads the
main guests into the Hall. The procession includes the Pirate King
Ulharrad and his Hub Master, Chief Mage Raggrth, Bummbok the Town
Mayor, Lord Snille of the County, the Chair of the Docks and Free
Traders Association, the First Worker of the local Transport, Sailors
and General Workers Movement and representatives of several Alliances
who keep eyeing each other and keep trying to be the first in their
group and are all determined to sit next to the Pirate King at the
top table.

Everybody stands and applauds them
up to the Top table. The noise is overwhelming as the humans and
elves clap and cheer, the dwarves hallow and bang the tables and the
orcs rawrr and stamp their feet. Outside horses rear and whinny and
every dog in the town barks and howls. This is also the signal for
every local burglar to start their own new year celebrations.

Gasper gives the welcome speech and
introduces the top table while the fires are lit and the food
cauldrons are brought in. He then invites all to eat and drink and be
merry which is what everyone has been waiting for. Food bowls and
tankards are distributed and filled. Slowly the talking dies and all
that can be heard is grunting, munching, slurping, gulping, belching,
laughing, shouting and general jabbering. This continues for three
hours in which several fires are knocked over, many fights break out
and bowls and tankards are thrown between tables.

Then the hall is silenced by a
spectacular flash and bang as Banpop conjurers up his â€œNumber three
FlashBangâ€ and Gasper again stands up to begin the New Year
Wishing. He tells of the good times and the bad times of the old year
and what went right and what went wrong. Whitebeard keeps
interjecting with an â€œArr!â€ to agree with him and the Pirate King
who is sitting next to Whitebeard begins to â€œArrâ€ as well and
soon the whole gathering is joining in, which to a certain extent
makes Gaspers speech somewhat inaudible.

He finishes and with a majestic
flourish summons the Old Year to appear before all those who have
lived through his term. Kalnut, dressed in rags is brought in by
Sargent Griffin and his scouts to receive judgement. Gasper sternly
berates the Old Year for not doing enough and not pleasing everybody.
He then banishes Old Year, never to return and Kalnut is dragged away
by his guard to boos and jeers. There is a slight interruption as the
Kings Orc Guard attempt to kill Kalnut but Banpop quickly throws a
â€œFreezeâ€ spell on them.

Then the New Year enters to
rapturous applause. It is Ardvic dressed in white and scattering
seeds everywhere and introducing himself by singing the AloAloAlo
song . Gasper demands that he will do better then his predecessor or
face dire judgement at the end of his term. Ardvic states that he
will be the best year yet and that he cannot hang around gossiping as
he must start work immediately. He therefore dances once round the
hall, again singing AloAloAlo this time accompanied by everyone and
then leaves the hall.

Gaspers last job is to introduce
Kroc the chef who gets a wild around of applause The General sits
down once more and the dining and drinking restart and carry on until
the morning hours and everything is gone and most guests have to be
dragged out and dumped in the street.

Ulharadd, the Pirate King thinks the
New Year Wishing is a â€œSuperâ€ idea and a â€œGreatâ€ way to
celebrate new year and is much better then just getting drunk in a
tavern. He had been talking to Plink during the feast and the words
super and great seemed appropriate to use and promises to tell the
three other Pirate Kings who rule the pirate isles about it.

Later in the week Ardvic calculates
the total cost of the Wishing and Gasper spends the next day
concocting a letter to Lord Granlik explaining why the provisional
budget for the event had been so badly exceeded.

It was raining again and he didn't
want to get up but he knew Sargent Griffin would send Knack the scout
to get him or worse, Griffin would come himself and bellow â€œON
PARADE IN FIVE MINUTES, SIR!â€ and stand there until he got up, so
Plink crawled out of bed, splashed some water over his head, got
dressed in his uniform and stepped out of his tent.

They were in Fellandire and Griffin
was training recruits for one of the newer SIN alliance members. This
army was still small but the local Lord wanted to make his mark
quickly and so had jumped at an offer hr had read in the local paper
fromThe Tor Carrock Trading Company to supply â€œ Excellent Military
Training Personnel for basic troop provision at reasonable pricesâ€.

General Gasper was surprised this
offer had been snapped up but quickly decided to supply Griffin and
two of the four scouts and then realised it would be much better to
throw in an officer as well and double the cost. The officer would
have to be Plink who was a captain in the Intelligence Corps so he
had had a word with him about his duties.

Gasper â€œNow
remember, your job is to just stand there and return salutes. Look
alert at all times and let Sargent Griffin work out what is to be
done. If you are asked by anyone important what is happening just say
the program is on time and the recruits are doing fine, Is that
clear?â€

Plink â€œ Oh yes
General. I like being saluted, Super! Great!â€

Gasper â€œ Good,
And don't forget to always wear your uniform, scout Nungarlapnung
will act as your batman when he is not helping Sargent Griffin on
duty. Is that clear Sargent?â€

Griffin â€œ SIR!â€

And so they set off to Fellandire.
On the way they passed many columns of troops marching in various
directions as the various local wars started and stopped as various
local Lords took offence at various statements in various local
papers. The Broken Lands was indeed pulsating with life.

Plink walked quickly to the training
ground and on the way was met by scout Nungarlapnung who had been
sent by Griffin to get him. They exchanged salutes. As he arrived at
the ground the rain stopped and he saw Griffin standing in front of
the two hundred odd recruits who were drawn up in six ranks. Most of
them held wooden spears but a number had what looked like very long
poles.

Knack, the senior scout was standing
at the end of the first rank and Nungarlapnung peeled off to stand at
the other end of the rank. Plink approached Griffin.

Griffin â€œ
COMPANY ATTENTION!â€

The Company wakes up and stands
straight.

Griffin â€œ
OFFICER ON PARADE! COMPANY SALUTE, SALUTE!â€

The company, now at attention. swing
their spears forward pointing upwards to hold in both hands. Several
drop theirs and those with the poles have difficulty getting theirs
up. Plink, now standing by Griffin salutes the company.

Griffin â€œ KEEP
THOSE SPEARS STRAIGHT! STAND STILL! GET THOSE PIKES UP! NO! DON'T
TRY AND HOLD THEM OFF THE GROUND YOU HORRABLE LUMPS OF DUNG, REST
THEM ON THE GROUND, DO YOU HEAR ME?â€

Griffin marches the company off
towards the storehouse screaming insults and is joined by the two
scouts shouting instructions about keeping straight lines, marching
in step, no talking in the ranks and other military pleasantries.
Plink watches them march away and decides to go back to his tent and
come back in one hour so turns round and is surprised to see three
figures coming towards him.

They look as if they want to talk to
him so he salutes them which causes some confusion. The one with a
sight limp returns the salute, another takes his hat off and the
third one who is dressed entirly in black and carrying a black case
stops and looks round to see who he is saluting. They finally reach
Plink.

The one with the
Hat â€œ Ahh, General Gasper! So nice to meet you. I'm sorry we have
only just managed to come down here but as you know we have been with
the army on the border. How are the recruits doing?â€

Plink â€œErr, they
are doing fine, Great!â€

Hat â€œ That must
be your Sargent over there. He seems to be getting them all into
shape.â€

Limp â€œ How are
things shaping up in general General?â€

Plink â€œ Err,
everything is on time, yes, the program is really on time and
everything is super.â€

They here Griffin bellowing orders
from the end of the training ground â€œCompany will wheel to the
right. Right wheel!â€ and watch as the column wheels in front of the
storehouse. As it wheels some of the trainees trip over the long
poles and fall. Others stop and the following ranks collide with
them. The scouts rush in and begin to flog those on the floor with
their short discipline whips and also those men carrying the long
poles who are trying to pick them up.

Griffin screams â€œ Company HALT!
Company will form line at markers! You are a shambles! Markers stand
firm!â€ The scouts now rush to stand thirty yards apart and the
shambles reforms into six ranks but they are too near the storehouse
and so ranks five and six are crammed together at the back. Griffin
bellows â€œCompany two steps forward, MARCH!â€ and order is once
more restored.

Limp â€œ Very
good! You have a good man there General.â€

Plink (deciding to
tell the truth and explain that he is not General Gasper) â€œ Ahh, I
think I had better expl...â€

Hat (interupting
him) â€œ Hallo! What's this?â€

They watch again as a large number
of men come round the side of the storehouse and collect in a group
looking at the company and begin shouting. Knack is dispatched by
Griffin to talk to them.

The crowd gets very aminated and
wave their arms at Knack. He returns to Griffin who seems to expand
in size, points an arm at the crowd and sends Knack back to them.

The storeman emerges from his store,
waves his arms at the croud and pushes through the company to talk to
Griffin.

The shouting gets louder and Knack
is punched on the nose and so returns to join Griffin and the
storeman. The Company is now shouting back at the crowd who responds
by moving forward and start to push into the ranks and there is some
scuffling.

Plink and the three strangers look
on as bedlam and general fighting breaks out and then they hear
Griffin scream â€œSPEARS TO THE FRONT! FORM LINE! ON GUARD! ADVANCE
IN LINE! ADVANCEâ€ The crowd falls back away from the line of
spears and then Griffin yells â€œ CHARGE!!!â€ The crowd flees round
the storehouse followed by the front rank and Knack. After a few
minutes Knack marches the front rank back round the corner, all with
large grins on their faces and lines up wityhe Company.

Limpâ€ Excellent!
Riot control as well, very handy!â€

Plink â€œGreat!â€

Dressed in Black
(addressing the Hat) â€œ Sire, I must remind you we are behind time
for the ceremony and it looks like rain again.â€

Hat â€œ Right,
well General Gasper, I can see that our trainees are in good hands
and it is money well spent. Thank you sir and now we must be on our
way. Come along Field Marshal!â€

And with that Hat doffs his hat once
more and the three strangers turn and walk away leaving Plink with
troubled thoughts. Whoever they were they had thought he was General
Gasper. But how? Had Gasper said he would come himself? Or had the
strangers just been told Gasper would be here? Should he have told
them he was not Gasper? Should he have wore a hat today? Why did the
old one have a limp? What had happened over at the storehouse? Why
didn't Knack punch the man who hit him on the nose back?

He watched as Griffin marched the
company back from the storehouse. Many were now limping and had black
eyes and bloody noses but Griffin was unrelenting â€œ HOLD THOSE
HEADS UP! KEEP IN FILE! NARGANLAPNUNG, TAKE THAT MANS NAME! LEFT,
RIGHT, LEFT RIGHT!â€

Griffin â€œCompany
Halt! At Ease!â€

Griffin (to Plink)
â€œ I shall take them for combat training over in that swampy area
now Sir and I suggest you quickly return to your tent in case the
Minister of War and Field Marshal Sungerpoperlong come backâ€

Plink â€œ Great!
Thank you Sargentâ€

Griffin
(addressing the company again) â€œ ATTENTION! I am going to turn you
flappers into MEN! You will learn to do things your mothers never
dreamt of! You are going to be soldiers and proud of it! COMPANY,
LEFT TURN IN LINE! AT THE DOUBLE QUICK TROT! â€œ

Later, after the evening meal and a
sPlink relaxed with the scouts by the riverside he asked Knack what
had happened at the storehouse.

Knack â€œ Ahh, the
bargemen of the river trade came looking for their punt poles. The
store man had asked the quartermaster for extra spears but there were
none in stock so the quartermaster had gone and pinched all the
bargemen's poles so they couldn't do any work and so were not going
to be paid so they came to get them back and blamed the store man.â€

Plink â€œ What did
Griffin say about it?â€

Knack â€œ He said
he may go and try and recruit some of the bargemen later and claim
the enlistment feeâ€

Ardvic finally found him sitting by
the old fish dock watching the seagulls swoop and glide and pick at a
pile of rotting fruit, Plink sometimes threw a stone at them but his
heart wasn't in it. It was obvious that something was wrong and he
seemed upset. That morning at breakfast in the hall he had only eaten
one duck leg and had stomped out even ignoring Kroc the cook bringing
in hot egg and carrot mash, one of Kroc's better efforts.

Ardvic: â€œHollo there, a fine day and
yet you sit here all moopy and grim.â€

Plink: â€œHollo.â€

Ardvic: â€œWhy the moopy? Gasper has
closed the Centre for a week and rushed off to the Capital for some
reason and all is well!â€

Plink: â€œ Nothing is well, everything
is gone... I feel really rotten and I shall sit here all day as I
don't want to do anything, super damn.â€

Ardvic: â€œThis is not like you.
Something wrong, tell me what's up Plinkyâ€.

Plink doesn't answer but just waves
some sheets of paper in his hand. Ardvic sits down next to Plink and
sees that he is holding a letter. Ardvic remembers there had been
some post from home on the latest cargo ship a few days ago.

Ardvic: â€œAahhh...
bad news?â€

Plink: " It's
terrible. My life has changed. I must go home at once. Poor uncle
Granlik.â€

Ardvics heart gives a twitch. Lord
Granlik is dead! No more money for the Trade Centre. Gasper will
close everything down and return home with Plink, No more carefree
days in this wonderful land. Oh, the unfairness of Life.

Plink: â€œHe had
always wanted a big ceremony and now he won't even be able to be
there.â€

Plink: â€œJumping
Maggots! Has there been another ship? My uncle has disappeared? Have
you sent for Gasper to get back here at once? I must return to the
Centre !â€

Ardvic: â€œWHOA!
Hold on... settle down... Why are you moopy and what news have you
got in that letter?â€

Plink:
â€œOh, It's Gladriall
my girlfriend. She
has written to say she has found someone else and is sorry about it
but I will get over it in time and uncle Granlik is upset as well as
he thoght we might get married and he wanted a big ceremony and
invite all of Elgea to come but she is sure I will find someone else
one day and not to do anything stupidâ€

Ardvic: â€œ Now I
understand.. you have had a Dear John letterâ€

Plink: â€œ His
bloody name is Simon De Groot not John and he is a slimy ponce and no
good royal court bastard who couldn't hit a elephant five yards away
with a crossbow. I never liked him when I attended court and hope he
develops bed wetting and itchy pimples all over.â€

Ardvic: â€œSo you
don't like him?â€

Plink: â€œNo.â€

Ardvic:
â€œ Dear John letters are never welcome. I've had a few in my time.
They are useful however to copy when you have to write one yourself
so I always keep them.â€

Plink:
â€œ Thats a super idea, I'll keep this. But I really liked Gladriall
she was really great but of course I have not seen her for over a
year now and Helvan said she is getting a bit fat in her last
letter.â€

Ardvic:
â€œHelvan?â€

Plink:
â€œOh, Helvan is also at the royal court and I've been writing to her
for over a month now since she sent her portrait last year. You
remember don't you, we looked at them and gave them points out of
ten.â€

Ardvic:
â€œYes I do. Didn't you say Gladriall had asked her friends to send
their portraits to you?â€

Plink:
â€œYes.. how funny! It does show how nice Gladriall is, I'm still
upset.â€

Ardvic:
â€œ Well never mind. As Gasper is away we could pay a visit to the
Keg House and see the Waffy twins and invite them back to the Centre
for the weekend. They are really hot and if you remember last time
they suggested we swap around and we said yes and later they asked if
we enjoyed it and we said it was great and then they said that they
hadn't swapped at all and fell about laughing at us!â€

Plink:
â€œSuper! What a great idea. It's a bit chilly sitting here.â€

And so the two friends
got up and strolled through the town to the Keg House. Unfortunately
the twins were not there but Ardvic noticed a young lady by the name
of Florintin who he knew who was having a drink with her cousin who
was visiting. The girls were happy to accept an invitation to be
shown round the Trade Centre and so Plink soon forgot his Dear John
letter.

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