His first exchange family were criminals and stole his money. His second family was wonderful

He study hard in school and practice English because he craved the approval of his family

He became miserable in his comfort zone as he sat on a corporate ladder collecting income

He was a non-tech founder and had to recruit software developers to develop his promise keeping app application

The problem with insecurity is that you start to feel like everyone will reject you, even your closest loved ones

He got rejected by investor, but his wife Tracy pushed him to keep going with his remaining two months left

He realized he needed to overcome his fear of rejection

Day two lesson: The way you ask a question and how you follow through in the conversation has an impact on the results you get

He got the Olympic donut rings and complemented the worker. She was so happy and she gave it to him for free

The world is much kinder and people are nicer than he had realized

What was possible if you just ask? Also, what is possible if you tried hard?

His third rejection attempt transformed his mindset

Instead of learning to deal with the pain of rejection, his focus shifted to having the courage to make big requests

He stopped caring so much whether he got a yes or no, and care a bit less about what other people thought of him, which was liberating

Playing soccer in someone’s backyard, he said the request was so off-the-wall, how could he say no?

Lesson: sometimes personal curiosity on the part of the person of the receiving end of the question could dictate the outcome

By piquing their interest with the way he made the request, he might have a higher probability of getting a yes

He learned how important his communication style was to the outcomes he was getting. When he was confident, friendly, and open people seemed more inclined to go along with his request

Even if they said no, then at least engaged longer to asked questions

For any rejection many variables were in play: Who is asking, who is being asked, what was being asked, how it was asked, how many times it was asked, and where it was asked

He went into business school to learn everything about business so he could eventually become a leader and entrepreneur

About $80,000 later, he learned a lot of business theories and became a master of spreadsheets and PowerPoint decks

After less than a week rejection journey, he learn more about Business and human psychology

He became a better leader and communicator and his company, and learn not to take criticism him personally

His demeanor and confidence improved and affected other parts of his life

His post reach thousands of people on Reddit and people loved it

Soon he started getting flooded with requests for interviews

Tony Shea, founder of Zappos, read his book delivering happiness and it was his inspiration

He gave a talk in downtown Las Vegas to inspire others

Tony Shea wanted to hire him to be a public speaker, a skill he didn’t know he had until today

He didn’t feel sure about chasing fame and working for someone else since his goal was entrepreneurship and making an impact. Though he didn’t want to capitalize on his 15 minutes of fame. He simply had a cool story and could tell it well, and he wasn’t an expert since his journey just started

People are inspired by and gain strength in his actions and journey

He realized that his fear of rejection was more common than he thought

What might someone be capable of if they weren’t afraid of rejection? The biggest regret people have is not living a full life true to themselves

His team was very supportive in his new direction and knew it would be more meaningful

Three questions: why don’t we talk about rejection? Why do we fear rejection? Why does rejection hurts so much?

Rejection and failure are not the same things. Failure can be logical and understandable.

Failure almost seems to become a prerequisite to success

Rejection hurts more because it feels personal, like they are rejecting us

People naturally want revenge after they’ve been rejected, perhaps thinking they will feel better showing the rejecter how wrong they were. However, those who do actually feel worse afterwards

Mammals evolved and innate fear and alertness towards these harms in order to avoid and escape them faster. Fear was required for our survival

Back then, social rejection could mean death

He gave a welcome speech to Southwest passengers and got them all to applaud

Could humor be an effective way to neutralize rejection pain?

Research has shown that laughter has been linked to killing pain

Pain threshold significantly increased when participants of the study were laughing

Laughing, singing, and dancing have evolutionary roots of bringing people together and release endorphins

If something can’t hurt me, then why should it scare me?

When you’re not afraid of rejection end it feels like you have nothing to lose, amazing things can happen

People could react to the same request very differently and it said nothing about him

Rejection is less like a truth, and more like an opinion

He offered apples to complete strangers and thought nobody would eat one, until a well-dressed lady did

Many famous authors with great works got rejected many times

It is as if becoming a master of a craft requires not just great skills but also the ability to weather rejection and get to an acceptance, not to mention an unfailing believe in themselves and their own work

Lesson one: rejection is A human interaction with two sides, often say more about the rejecter then the rejectee

Lesson two: rejection is an opinion of the rejecter and heavily influenced by historical context, cultural differences, and psychological factors

Lesson three: every rejection has a number

Ask “why” before goodbye

Asking why gave him an explanation and a referral for planting the rose

Knowing the reason behind a rejection can help dissipate or even dissolve any of the pain one might feel otherwise.

By asking for something like a McGriddles, he learned about the negotiation tactic of making and getting concessions

A third strategy is to retreat and reapproach with the different angle or perspective or request

Collaborate, don’t contend

Instead of seeing someone who can reject you as an adversary, start seeing them as collaborators to help you solve a problem

Arguing with the person who turned you away is a surefire way to get a rejection

Story about basketball player who moves to Beijing and becomes a hero. There is a possibility after rejection and that rejection is not always the end of the story

Lesson: retreat, don’t run. Higher chance of landing a yes when you retreat to a lesser request

Lesson: switch, don’t give up. Step back and ask a different person or under different circumstances or in a different environment

He offered five dollar bills to five different people and only two said yes

Giving a reason for a request is far more likely to get a yes

Question: If he added a “why” to his request that involved meeting the other person’s needs, would that increase his chances of getting a yes?

His request to cut a hairdresser’s hair went wrong really fast because he gave a bad why

He made some guesses and assumptions about the hairdresser that were way off the mark and ended up offending her

A study regarding use of pronouns in emails illustrated that the use of “I” gave a greater perception of truth. The more pronouns “he, she, you, they” pronouns, the less perceived truthfulness

Although it may seem counterintuitive, acknowledging other peoples doubtscan help rather than hurt your cause

Admitting his request was weird proved to the other person that he wasn’t crazy and they were on the same page

It also revealed both honesty and empathy on his own part, to feelings that are crucial to evoking trust

Other people doubts can be the reason for a rejection if you don’t take control of them

Domino’s pizza and their honesty campaign regarding their revamp resulted in a huge increase

You can’t change people, but you can select the person wisely, or target your audience

For his giving a college lecture rejection attempt, he targeted his audience and did a lot of preparation

Experiment where if he missed concert violinist played to Subway passerby’s, and got hardly any attention. The lesson is having the right audience to target

Principle of targeting: it doesn’t matter how amazing your performance or products are, if you target the wrong audience who don’t recognize, appreciate, or need your value, your effort will be both wasted and rejected

Lessons: give a why, start with I, never pretend to think in the other person’s interests without genuinely knowing them, acknowledge doubts, Target the audience

While there was still fear here and there, he was learning a tremendous amount about psychology, negotiation, and persuasion

The challenge of constantly experimenting and testing out his growing knowledge then sharing it with readers still felt exhilarating

He soon realized that he had to start saying no to people’s requests in order to restore balance to his life

The root of the problem was he was still afraid of rejection if he rejected other people

He started to learn the strategies and finesse of good rejectors he has come across in his journey

The personal trainer made him feel valued by pulling out his problem solving skills during the rejection

It’s hard to be unhappy when the other person is being nice all the time

When rejecting, be direct, quick, and genuine

Lesson: offer an alternative to the person you’re rejecting

Lessons: patience and respect, be direct, provide the reason after the rejection, offer alternatives or simple concessions

Any rejection can have hidden upsides if only we are willing to look for them

Rejection can give you motivation

For Jia, his traumatic elementary school experience made him want to prove everyone wrong about him and show them who he really was

His experience also helped him see himself as special or unique

A rejection can be negative or positive, it all depends on how you spin it for yourself

Michael Jordan consistently used rejection to motivate him during his career

Successful people convert rejection into personal fuel

Steve Jobs switching his perspective about being adopted from being rejected to being chosen because he was special

Sooner or later, other intrinsic motivation’s such as the love of the game or the desire to put a dent in the universe need to take over to sustain excellence

As the saying goes, when advertising fails don’t blame the customer, blame the message

Lessons from rejection attempt on soliciting donations to food Bank: importance of good messaging, upside of being specific, element of surprise, not confusing people with bad humor, and how to use rejection to learn, adapt, and improve

Rejection could also be a sign of being ahead of the curve

Our society as a whole praises creativity and thinking outside of the box. However, when creativity actually happens, it is often met with rejection because it frequently disrupts order and rules

While we say we love creativity, we actually despise and fear it because it brings uncertainty

There has never been in history a world changing idea that was initially met with universal approval

If someone thinks your idea is incredibly stupid, consider the possibility that you might be onto something. Perhaps the question we should ask about an idea is not how do I avoid rejection, but “is my idea worthy of rejection?”

His rejection attempt of giving a public speech on the sidewalk was his most frightening of them all

He told his story on the sidewalk and his crowd of six cheered for him. He had such a sense of pride

His experience with people passing him by on the street made him strong and fearless. It prepared him for his speech to thousands of people. He received a standing ovation

Turning rejection into a positive requires courage. It requires looking rejection in The face and seeing it for what it really is, an experience that can either hurt you or help you depending on how you look at it. The difference is attitude

Lessons: rejection can be used for

Motivation: motivations to fuel someone’s fire for achievement

Self-improvement: by taking the emotion out of rejection, one can use it as an effective way to improve an idea or product

Worthiness: sometimes being rejected is good since public opinion can be influenced by conventional thinking

Character building: by seeking rejection in tough environments one can build up The mental toughness to take on greater goals

Sometimes in rejection it’s not about a yes or no, it’s about being willing to endure rejection because there is a profound reason for doing so

His collaboration with a Middle Eastern guy in DC to help promote positivity by holding positive signs

The DC man example demonstrated that happiness doesn’t always come from money, comfort, or happiness. That’s why some of the most brilliant and influential people spend their time and effort on things that only have intrinsic reward

He started gaining empathy for panhandlers, of whom he used to have a huge divide with in his life

Empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy is feeling with people

When you don’t know how much you want and value something, rejection can become almost a measuring stick. Some of the most successful people obtain their achievements only after going through the most gut wrenching rejection

Louis CK’s success wasn’t the result of a lucky break, but the result of being able to endure multiple devastating rejections over a long period of time

Scotty Smiley, a disabled blind military man, inspires people to shift their perspective on what rejection means, and how to turn adverse circumstances into strength, motivation, and mission in life

Instead of being defined by tragedy, he decided to be defined by his reaction to it

Lessons: find empathy for others through rejection, find value through rejection and your resolve, find mission as sometimes brutal rejections can signify new beginnings and mission for the rejectee

He asked a pilot if you could fly his plane knowing he would get rejected, but ended up having the best flight experience flying a gyroplane

By going on a rejection journey, you will get rejected at some point. But by not even asking, we are rejecting ourselves by default and probably missing out on opportunity as a result

Less than half of working Americans have ever asked for a raise, but those who do 85% get something

What we really need is not acceptance from others but acceptance from ourselves.

Being comfortable with who we are should be a prerequisite, not the result of seeking others approval. Who we are is good enough to get a yes from ourselves

Lessons: freedom to ask, freedom to accept ourselves

Rejection attempt of trying to sell another company’s product at a convention

His experience reinforced that acceptance and rejection depend primarily on the other person’s situation

Rejection in sales is a good thing because it weeds out people who don’t need or want his service

He felt refreshed by his own directness and honesty about promoting that product

Being detached from the results is key

His rejection journey taught him to play his best and not worry about the results, even when the steaks seem impossibly high

For his one hundredth rejection, he wanted to do something meaningful

He decided the perfect attempt would be to help his wife try and get a job at her dream company (Google) since he’s been so grateful that his wife has been so supportive of him

Google initially rejected her but then change their mind and offered her a job

Moral of the story: treat everyone nicely, even when they say no

The Google recruiter advocated for her because he really liked her

Lesson: detachment from results. By focusing on controllable factors such as our efforts and actions, and by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater success in the long run

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