Day 249: Mar 6. “Stuck in the wasteland”

I’ve been irritable for two months now; Margie thinks it could be I’m not quite over the kidney problems. I don’t know. I feel I’m out of God’s will somehow. That’s always a bad place to be – no joy, no peace.

I leave the campground in search of waterfalls and my transmission goes out. For the most part I’m at peace that God is going to help me through this and that it’s already in the works, but by the end of the day depression set in. “What am I doing here; maybe it’s time to give up”. I find no life in a decision to go back to Indiana. Perhaps Florida, but what will I do there. I have no peace about that either. I feel stuck emotionally as well as in location. I’m twenty miles from nowhere and I have no signal on my phone or computer. We’ll it is the weekend, nothing I can do until Monday.

I get angry again but not like before, not at God. I exclaim “God, I’ve had enough. I just want to give up. I’m tired, frustrated, irritated and sick. I’m cramped and want some breathing room.” I’m finally able to get out and see God’s beauty (without rain) and my car breaks down. Yes I know these are little issues but I’ve had so many little issues these past four months. Just wish I felt better, wish the pain would go away.

So I clean my van, get some work done and stop feeling sorry for myself.