greens, gratitude and godzilla

black blood of life

I received an email from the Food Addictions counselor at the Fuhrman Immersion, and she made the following suggestion: ” In addition, I did want to let you know that if you are a coffee drinker, we will not have any coffee served during the Immersion. We will have a caffeinated green tea on request. There will be an assortment of decaf herbal teas available. Now is the time to perhaps wean yourself down.”

What’s amusing to me is my reaction to this. I knew that this is going to happen, and I have already been trying to wean myself down. But for some reason, seeing it in black and white made me want to go drink all of the coffee I can get my freaking hands on RIGHT NOW. Clearly, there is some resistance and defiance going on here. I was joking with my coworker about sneaking Starbucks instant coffee packets into the Immersion. She said she could envision me just snorting them in my hotel room. Ha!! Ah, the mind of an addict.

I heard someone say at my homegroup last week that defiance is the opposite of vulnerability. I keep thinking about that statement, and it is sounding more and more true for me.

I am dreading no coffee. That is all.

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4 Comments

Oh dear. I totally get the definance and rebelling against what you’re told to do. Funny thing is, I’m not – and never have been – a rebel. I never got in trouble, never did anything wrong. And by the time I got to grad school there was some inner pissed off rebel wanting to be released, so I began with smoking. And I loved that I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing. After I quit that (which only happened because my mom also quit, after having spots detected on her lung), it seems my drinking and food issues took over the rebel’s need. I’m actually still trying to work out a timeline in my head of how all of this ever got rolling in my life, so I’ll just conclude this train of thought there for now.

Anyway, my guess is that you seeing the NO COFFEE thing in black or white totally triggered your primitive, reptilian brain to think DANGER! THREAT! ALARM!!!! Which is then why your brain was like STOCK UP ON ALL THE CAFFEINE IMMEDIATELY! (Which is totally different than when you had consciously – using your human/evolved part of your brain – decided to start weaning down in preparation for the Immersion.) The idea of defiance being the opposite of vulnerability certainly rings true in that sense: you are vulnerable when your primitive brain is alerting you to danger, though it’s not actually danger or a real threat at all. But you respond defiantly, in a way that doesn’t make any logical sense, because you’re responding to the vulnerability that your primitive brain is threatening you with. If that makes any sense.

R, I think I am scared of the intense fatigue. That I will have zero energy to get work done and get *life* done. Maybe this is a signal from the Universe that I need to slow the fuck down, draw my energy inward and heal. I am drinking a cup of Yogi Tea right now and tell my ass it’s coffee. The little inspirational tag says, “your greatest strength is love.” hahahaha!

You hit the nail on the head, Q: if your fear is not having enough energy without coffee, that’s an indication you need to bump up any and all methods of natural energy creation: more (quantity) sleep, better quality sleep, rest throughout the day, and/or doing less throughout the day. I heard someone say somewhere that if they need a cup of coffee, they try to take that as an indication they really need a nap. Now, that’s not always possible, I know; but that always stuck with me that we can either create energy from within, or we can force ‘false energy’ from outside methods. All easier said than done, though, I know 😉