Musings, diatribes and dialogues from one of Chicago's quirkiest musical psychologists. This and that and rat-a-tat-tat.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Why The Offbeat Drummer is Pro-Real-Life.

*Note to Victims of Gunshots!*

Maybe we should pass legislation that bars doctors from removing bullets from victims of gun shots, since the gun shot wound was "God's will." Or wait. Maybe your appendix burst, jettisoning poisonous bacteria which coursed through your veins, from which we should withhold antibiotics, since the burst appendix was God's will and well, pal, it's your time to go. The further down the food chain you go, the more ridiculous the examples become, but it can all be chucked up....to....look.

If you break everything down, and want to get semantic, it's sort of ALL God's will, isn't it? Assuming, of course, God's in charge and "everything happens for a reason....blah blah blah."

Er, it's Eve's fault, since she was tempted to bite the forbidden fruit, and then gave it to her guy friend (*not husband*) Adam, who set the pace for the rest of the universe, and literally, all hell broke loose and that's why we're all sick and violent and flawed and gross and sinful and psychotic, hence the need for a Savior.

(I've found, in general, that I'm more inclined to side on this particular political/moral conundrum with people who aren't fundamentalist or conservative Christians, BUT!)

Personally, I've had 2 people whose opinions I respect and whom I love insist that had the man who raped me (chronically, repeatedly) impregnated me, and mind you these were both men who said, "While not the most ideal circumstances, it's still murder. You'd murder your own baby?", that I absolutely should not have ever even considered having an abortion. Because it was God's will and God loves little babies...a lot. ("It's not the baby's fault! The baby is innocent!" Well, no, the baby's not innocent, if you subscribe to the Christian credo, actually. Original sin'll getcha every time, hence the need for Holy Baptism.) No, actually, rape isn't the most "ideal of circumstances," which is an understatement. Being forced to have anal or oral sex against one's will during the course of recovery from cervical surgery is also not the most "ideal of circumstances." Yet it happened.

What I do thank God for is the fact that I was infertile the years during which I was raped, and consequently, did not get pregnant. As I've told everyone who's challenged me regarding this matter, who are in the know, I would've aborted, because that would've been my choice and I would choose not to press forward with birthing a Fetus Generated By a Heinous Crime. The thought of being forever tied to a menacing, narcissistic, violent sociopath--a man who duct taped my mouth shut and my wrists together and took a knife to me, knowing I had history as a cutter to begin with, via a child? I don't think so. And that's MY choice. Fortunately, it was a choice I never had to make. (And spare me the agony of your wonderful "You could always just put the baby up for adoption!" platform.)

The Republican party wishes to strip women of the right to choose what to do in the circumstance of an unplanned pregnancy, flat out. I am deeply grateful and indebted to Planned Parenthood for giving me the opportunity to have access to contraceptives before I was ready to become a mother and will fight for their sustenance, for they provide a number of worthwhile services to women, birth control aside. Overturn Roe v Wade and welcome back the deaths of countless women who resigned themselves to unsanitary, back-alley rogue abortions. I defended the pro-choice movement on a Facebook page called "Let's find 1,000,000 People Who Are Against Abortion." Ain't no shock to me that to date, they've only amassed less than 200,000 supporters. Why? Because sane people understand free will and support the right to choose!

But what's just reprehensible is that certain radicals within the conservative stream are particularly picky when it comes to women who are victims of rape, utterly negating the subject of assault, putting rape victims on the totally unfair defensive, which is something around which I just can't wrap my remaining ovaries.

It's really, fucking easy for both men and women to side with God's will against abortion, citing it as "murder," to the ridiculous point of criminal punishment on the part of the woman who chooses to either prevent or terminate an eminent disaster in her life, separate from the long-lasting, vicious psychological damage that is the result of rape. The raped woman who chooses abortion is a murderer, but the rapist who perpetuates the crime in the first place? Radical conservatives are saying, "Well, it couldn't possibly have been THAT bad," or "It's not that I'm pro-rape or anything..." But by merely proposing that a woman should be stripped of choice just as she was stripped of dignity and sanity, you are effectively making a case for being "pro-rape;" in which case, you can go to hell.

I would like such ignoramuses to be trapped underneath an almost 300 lb, 6'3" man who's choking you and violating your privates for even 5 minutes, much less 3 years. I would like them to have a kitchen utensil used for scrubbing pots and pans shoved into an orifice inside their body while the perpetrator "didn't hear" your desperate cries to stop, only to be urinated upon later. THEN come talk to me about MY choice as a woman to do whatever I goddamn well please with what's left of MY body.

Mourdock wants a Senate seat in Indiana, and presently has the endorsement from the Romney/Ryan Asshole Machine. Have we not learned anything from the Todd Akin "bad sperm" uber-gaffe? Radical conservatives? I don't want you anywhere near my vagina. (It's mockingly frightening that my rapist used to work for Bain & Company, FYI.)

And if I don't want you anywhere near my body, I sure as hell don't want you governing me from Washington, DC.

Vote on November 6th. But not for someone with such outlandishly despicable mores. If you dislike the Democratic party, which is personally who The Offbeat Drummer champions, vote for an independent. Write somebody in. Nominate your next-door neighbor. ANYBODY but Romney/Ryan and their hoodlum gaggle. I don't care to what creed you subscribe, if any at all.

Pro-rape. Never thought I'd hear those words together, but they seem to be the GOP's rally call. God's will. Yeah. Almost. I like what Stephen Colbert had to say last night regarding this political SNAFU:

I had a mountain of evidence supporting a case to attempt to prosecute my ex-boyfriend. I decided not to.

Not because I was exaggerating my experience. Not because it would be a battle of "my word against yours." Not because I was wrong.

I had absolutely zero self-confidence or esteem after it stopped. I am still working on that. Some days are better than others. Plus, if I didn't feel confident in my own head, how would I possibly present this legally without paranoid catastrophes in the back of my mind the whole time.

At the time, when I finally left, I was scared to death. I developed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, formally diagnosed by my psychiatrist, my therapist and my family practitioner.

I knew he had a ton of money, and had a good defense lawyer for the sexual harassment trial, paid it off instead of going to trial to stand up for himself (IF he was innocent, why wouldn't he want to stand up for his good name?), and I felt very small and defenseless in pursuing him legally.

I confided in my ex-husband first, while it was still happening, and he urged me to get away, but I couldn't. One thing about my ex-husband. He's not mean. And regardless of what went wrong between us, I have his back forever and he has mine. I've never seen Craig so scathingly angry as when I told him what I was going through.

I then told my doctors, who asked me if I wanted to press charges, then my best friends, then finally, my family, who completely knew my ex-boyfriend was a total jag off, but had no idea I was being abused in so many ways, other than my mother observing that after I'd come home from being at his house for the weekend, I always needed to sleep for like 2 hours before I could proceed with my day or night.

I supported him throughout the legalities of his lawsuit, standing by him, though he felt he couldn't tell me exactly what did or didn't happen, in "case I was called in as a character witness."

Unfortunately, he didn't know that he kept the whole lawsuit in the briefcase he left at home, and I read the entire case, count by count, all of which I could totally see him committing. I knew he did it. But my loyalty ruled over my logic and I continued to support him during this (surprise!) very stressful period in his life.

Stress, anxiety and the physical toll on my whole system--cognitively and physiologically, turned me into an anorexic. That's why I got pancreatitis so much. Because I was starving.

Lesson learned, too hard.

Think about it. How could you forget a huge man like that with a tight grip on your arm, telling you how weak and little you were, or being trapped underneath him, saying "I could kill you right now and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

People who have never gone through the experience of rape have absolutely no business, and no understanding or empathy towards those scars, which are psychologically sometimes paralyzing when triggered.

And conservative Christians would want me to have his baby. That's the most utterly fucking insane thing I could ever imagine. Those who downplay the abuse weren't there, in the moment, unable to fight back as unable as I had been.

Oh, ok. It's too bad you couldn't have had your boyfriend arrested. He deserved it. But even if you got a conviction, he'd be out in no time while the republicans would try and have you tried for murder if you had had an abortion, which it doesn't sound like you did, so what's the big deal to everybody?

As I mentioned in the blog, I was infertile (secondary infertility after the birth of my only child) during the time I had been raped, for which I was very grateful.

One of my favorite lounging around sweatshirts, which I kept after the breakup, oddly, was a pullover Bain sweatshirt. It's like the paramedics had clairvoyance when I accidentally OD'd and they cut the sweatshirt right through the middle to get me out of my clothes in the ER several months ago...

The 193,000 pro-lifers on Facebook are now attacking Planned Parenthood's birth control services, citing that the use of an IUD can ALSO "murder" your fetus.

Quote, "Read through a former Planned Parenthood director's take on the use of IUDs. Did you know its primary purpose is to create a hostile environment in the uterus for a newly conceived baby? In other words, it does not work primarily to prevent conception, but rather, simply block a newly conceived baby from implanting in his/her mother's womb."

Which is total medical nonsense. Trust me. It's PROPAGANDA for pro-life. I have a friend who has an IUD. Should I call her out as being a murderer too? I wouldn't in a million years.

Go back and watch Stephen Colbert's video. It sums up the whole situation nicely, especially mentioning a Republican candidate who (if memory serves) is running for a State Senate office in WI, who said, "Some girls...they rape so easy."

Because we deserved it. Because we were seducing. Because of what we were or weren't wearing at the time. Naturally, it's all the women's fault, not the rapists'. Nobody ASKED for it, you morons.

Someone said recently that a woman can walk down the street entirely naked, but that still doesn't give anyone the right to touch her, which is true.

People who don't have PTSD shouldn't be telling with PTSD how to feel or what they should do. No sympathy,whatsoever. If I ever saw Chris again, which the world better hope I never do, I'd beat him to death with my bare hands. That's what your brother should do, not accuse you of being a murderess when you never did anything wrong. Just believe, Annie, that more people support you than refute you, so ignore the radical right and their delusions, and live your life.