Rent-a-Baby

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Like raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens….babies are one of my favorite things!

Wouldn’t be great if there was such a thing as a baby rental service for people like me, who loves babies, but are totally self-involved with their own lives, and much too idealistic about what it would be like to actually raise a child, but who would enjoy hanging out with a baby occasionally?

I mean, think about it…

Say my “paternal instincts” kick in one day, and I suddenly get the urge to have a baby for the weekend….

I could go to the baby-rental store (called, “Babe’s to Go”) and place an order.

All the babies would be on hangers, and suspended on one of those rotating racks.

(similar to a dry cleaner)

The sales associate would press a button, and all the baby samples would slowly spin around so I could view the collection.

I would have my choice of age, gender, and nationality.

There would be a flat fee for this service, which would include things, such as: the baby’s clothing, and diapers. The renter would need to supply things, such as: the high-chair, playpen, bed, and food.

And there could even be a “late charge” added in case I kept the baby an extra day, or forgot to return it.

And then, after I brought the baby back, it would be washed, re-dressed, and then re-hung on a hanger; available for another rental.

37 comments

Hi, I just wandered into your blog via Dooce...I told my husband the next time I start talking about having another baby to bring me home a puppy instead. I do know there is a shelter in our area where people can volunteer to rock babies who were born addicted to drugs. I wonder if they have one of those in your area...

Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. That's so nice of you!

HA!

You made me laugh, because my mother use to say the same to my father!!!!

And it's funny that you mentioned about volunteering to rock the little precious babies who were born addicted to drugs. I had a very good friend of mine who was a nurse at a neo-natal hospital in Florida, who suggested the SAME THING to me. I DID investigate it, but unfortunately (or rather fortunately) they had so MANY people volunteering, that they stop taking applications.

But your suggestion has got me thinking about investigating here, in Philly again.

Oy geeze.....I'm reminded of that silly crying baby that the kiddos drag back from school once a year to get a 'taste' of parenting. Yaknow---the guess-why-baby-is-crying-and-meet-its-need-or-it-keeps-cryin'-until-you-do baby?

When my daughter's preemie was born I seem to remember chatting (me, chat??) with one or two... okay.. ALL of the nurses and they said that volunteers didn't do baby rocking anymore. I think at first it was hard to coordinate schedules, etc. but then later because of privacy and safety issues it just wasn't done. Atleast in that hospital.

My hubby would have loved to have another baby but we got Ollie, you know, the meditating Vizsla. And he really is like a baby some days. THEN our daughter had her baby. Yay! I'm a Mimi! And then we rescued a puppy. So I was off the hook after all that. Thank Goddess too because I really didn't want another child of my own. I mean, if it 'happened' I would have been okay with it and I actually started thinking of names just in case. One for a girl was 'Genevieve Valentine'. Poor little thing would have had to learn to shake her ta-ta's really early on with a name like that. I have NO idea what I was thinking. But a favorite Aunt's name was Genevieve. I am sure hub would have overruled me on the middle name. LOL

As it certainly seems that there are alot of part-time parents out there who do not get that it was supposed to be a full-time gig.... it really would be wonderful if people who have a little time and all that love to give could offer some assistance to them. There are just too many little ones around who will never feel that they are loved and special.

But didn't you say you are a Libra? How would you ever decide? LOLThe rack would be rotating and you'de say, oooh, that darling little girl in the pink dress... NO, wait, that little guy dressed in a tuxedo, UH..hmm, maybe those twins who just flew past? LOL

Thanks for the giggle. The visuals I'm getting from this post are giving me the perfect start to my day! :)

hey Ron, I have a couple of kids that you can rent for cheap. Anytime!!! Heck I might even be willing to pay you to get them out of a my hair for a weekend. They are not babies though. And they are not all cuddley and sweet. The scream a lot and wipe boogers on people. Seriously though, I have been spending a lot of time snuggling with my little nephew (my sister is having marital problems and the big sister has to step in and help right?). OMG, I just love snuggling with him....until he starts crying. Or until he poops. And then I am ready to give him back to her. I seriously think that I might shoot myself or my husband if I ever found out I was pregnant again. Good thing that BB gun cannot do too much damage. And good thing that I am fixed. Have a great day Ron!!

I laughed my tush off when you mentioned the name 'Genevieve Valentine' and what she'd have to do!!!

That was GREAT!!!

And you are SOOOOO correct in asking me (as a Libra), "How could you ever decide on a baby??" That made me LAUGH too!!!

I think I'd have to limit myself to seeing just 4 babies. 2 girls and 2 boys.

(and then have my "Tarot Cards" there to help me)

Tee, hee!

I don't know if you ever knew this, but I'm actually a Reiki, Reflexology, and Aromatherapy Practitioner (part-time). If you ever feel like it..check out my other blog on the sidebar here. Anyway, I have this wonderful feeling that I will one day be working and sharing this work with children!!!

Reiki, Reflexology and Aromatherapy, oooh, how delightful!! I'm not certified in any of them but love it all. I'm running low on pads for the car diffuser and how can I deal with NJ traffic without some heavenly assistance? I had ylang ylang in there for awhile, now I'm into peppermint for whatever reason. I've got bottles and bottles to choose from so I let my senses tell me which one I need unless I'm trying to do something in particular. I had a bad blister not too long ago and hubby gave me some anti-biotic ointment. I tried it. But what ended up working was simple tea tree and lavender. :)

Tarot!! Which deck/s do you have?? I must get myself right over to that other blog of yours so I don't miss anything. I'm sure it's as yummy as this one! Peace, Mary

p.s. I was just over at 'my other blog' and remembered stopping there a day or two ago but not realizing it was you I didn't stay to read anything. Tsk tsk on me as it's terrific. The solar plexus point information... wonderful! While I do enjoy hubby rubbing my feet with scented lotions I haven't done a hot foot bath in soooo long. I guess because I normally like full body baths that I guess I don't think to just give my feet one. I shall remedy this soon! I am sure I could use some boost to my energy level, especially with the craft season coming up and spending long days standing at my tables and to relieve stress after a hard, hot day. Thanks! M

'The sales associate would press a button, and all the baby samples would slowly spin around so I could view the collection' ......and each in turn empty the contents of their stomach all over the potential renter.

ewwww no thanks

I love my babies to bits but I am not the slightest bit maternal and absolutely hate it when a new mother brings her baby tot he ofice for everyone to drool over....I will be the one firmly glued to my desk manning the phones whilst everyone else goes gaga

Hmmm...may be a new business venture for you! We could all invest in it..I will have to be a silent investor though. hee, hee.I love babies too..but they SCARE me! They are soooo fragile. Give me a three year old and up!

I am Nanna to my grandchildren, but they know I am not the baking cookies type Nanna. I told them we'll buy the cookies at the bakery so we can paint or go outside explore the world! Especially at night with flash lights!

oooh....ooooh....I am SO GLAD to hear that you're into this stuff too!!!

And thanks for visiting the other blog. I left it there so that people can use it when they GOOGLE for information. I posted for a year and then decided to stop for awhile (my brain dried up). I may get back to it, if I feel inspired. I hope people use it as a reference blog.

Hey, listen, you don't have to be certified to receive any of the many benefits of these modalities. There are so many wonderful books at there, with great information, that can help you and your family. And I think it's SUPER that you're at least open to this...and willing to try it. I find it ALL to be extremely helpful in my own life....in so many ways!

They essential oils that you mentioned here are all ones that I have in my home kit, for myself. I'm a peppermint FREAK and use it alot in the summer. It's a great COOLER and ENERGIZER. And Tea Tree is an oil that I'm NEVER without. It's excellent for so many things...lavender too!!!

I was actually kidding about the Tarot cards...but I've had many friends who have given me readings and they were very helpful and accurate. So, I'm definately open to it!

WOW....this is SOOO freaking cool to meet some one who uses these tools!

I'm so SURE your granchildren LOVE spending time with you! They learn things that only YOU can show them...and how WONDERFUL the many things you share with them! I wonder if any of them will develop a love for art?

You're planting "little seeds" in their HEARTS!

ooh..ooh..flash lights at night...is'nt that the FUNNEST thing???

And even though I LOVE babies and children...I KNOW myself all to well......

Hey Ron = thanks for your visit to Captured By Gravity!I think Babies R Us rentals is a great idea - you're right, sometimes I just want to take a toddler to the zoo, or get a little girl and plait her hair - but don't want the responsibility of vaccinations, endless midnight feedings, and worrying about which preschool to apply to -- and now that my sister has moved my nephews all the way to Australia (!) I need me a baby fix once in a while!

I had to come see what made VBF all gooey. And man this is a great post. You'd also need a grandparent option so when my mom looks at me with that "so where are some more grandkids for me?" I can hand over a business card.

Hi! I came across you via Mary Crystalchick from NJ USA. I'm in London though...

Yeah rent-a-kid. Could be highly entertaining...

... hey! I was reading in the paper only today about a thing called a ... o man let me dredge this name up from the back of my skull... something like a reborn baby... t's a doll that looks just like a baby and American women spend 3 weeks making them then sell them on ebay to desperate people who walk them around in prams and soak up the compliments of passers-by then go home sobbing over their fertility problems...

(ooer sorry but that probably IS the truth...)

On another note entirely I just read Kathy's comment at the top. Can you really be a baby rocking volunteer? THAT rocks!

I KNOW 2 kids who were born heroin-addicted. One is about 14, 15; the other about 12 (though I remember her aged 4 and cannot get through my thick skull how BIG and OLD she's got!)... they SEEM to be OK. We are all just hoping (the mother included) that they WILL grow up to be OK. Their older brother's in the military and doing v well so hopefully they'll all go on to achieve their ambitions.

PS that's a lovely entertaining picture at the bottom... btw how DID you get a picture at the bottom of your post? Blogger always puts mine at the TOP no matter what permutations of clicking boxes I try...

Fab post and being a mommy of an almost 11 month old, I just can't get over how much I love being a mommy. I just wished I was home with him and didn't have to work. He walks a tad but loves to be held.

If you rented a baby...you might not want to give him/her back. When they look at you with those loving eyes and smile...why, I just melt.

Welcome to Vent! And thanks ever so much for taking the time to comment!

First of all....I LOVE your avatar!! It's soooo adorable. Besides babies...I love animals, and hamsters make the most lovable pets! I had MANY as a child.

Hey...thanks for sharing that VERY interesting information about the woman who makes those dolls. WOW...I could see how it would upset a couple who had fertility challenges.

And YES...there are certain hospitals here in the US, that ask for volunteers to rock babies who are born with drug addictions. They seem to respond well to loving human touch! I tried at one time to apply, but the amount of people who were doing it was tremendous, so they couldn't accept any more applications. I felt disappointed...but HAPPY that so many people were WANTING to do this. However, this may be time for me to investigate it again.

And about placing the photo at the bottom. I usually only use 2 photos at the most. But here's what I do....

Type your post on WORD (not your blog post).

Then start by adding the bottom photo FIRST (I place mine right)

Then add the second photo (I add mine left).

After your done, PASTE your post in the blog post (next to the first photo).

You should find that the text will postion the photos exactly where then need to be. However, sometimes I have to adjust the bottom photo by bringing it up a little higher.