Removed from Office

In ugly scenes earlier today, Mr Ronald Hiccup, the mayor of Shepton Bassett, was removed from office. "We've known this was coming for a long time," said a member of the council. "We tried to warn the fat bastard to stop chucking pies down his neck and now it's finally reached the point where he couldn't get through the door."

Fire crew arrived shortly after 5pm and removed Mr Hiccup from his office using crowbars, sledgehammers and a considerable quantity of Vaseline. The process resulted in substantial damage to the fabric of the town hall, which is a Grade II listed building and a site of significant historic interest.

The rescue also resulted in some superficial damage to the fabric of Mr Hiccup, but he's not a site of significant historic anything.