The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed however, as Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven." Forrest responds "It shore is good to be here St.Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was." St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know Forrest, but the test I have for you is only three questions. 1. What days of the week begin with the letter T? 2. How many seconds are there in a year? 3. What is God's first name?" Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam questions. St. Peter waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers." Forrest says, "Well, the first one - how many days of the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow." The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest! That's not what I was thinking, but....you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asks St.Peter. "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "But I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded St. Peter says,"Twelve!? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second....." "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that one, too." "Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?" Forrest replied, "Andy." "OK, OK," said a frustrated St.Peter, "I guess I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you came up with the name Andy as the first name of God?" "That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied "I learned it from the song..... "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN" St. Peter opened up the gates of heaven and yells, "Run Forrest! Run!"

three men climb a mountain and when they get to the top they realize they don't have enough resources to get back down so they check the top to see if anyone left anything behind but they found nothing then one of them found a genie lamp and poof out pops a genie he says, "I will grant each of you one wish as long as you jump off the cliff as you make it so the first guy says, " OK" so he runs jumps off the cliff and says, "I wish I was a bird" so he flies away the second one runs jumps off the cliff and says, "I wish I was a spring" so he bounces away and finally the third one is running to jump and says, "I wish I was a..." and he trips on a rock and tumbles over the side and says, "ooh poop".............................there was a mess at the bottom

three men climb a mountain and when they get to the top they realize they don't have enough resources to get back down so they check the top to see if anyone left anything behind but they found nothing then one of them found a genie lamp and poof out pops a genie he says, "I will grant each of you one wish as long as you jump off the cliff as you make it so the first guy says, " OK" so he runs jumps off the cliff and says, "I wish I was a bird" so he flies away the second one runs jumps off the cliff and says, "I wish I was a spring" so he bounces away and finally the third one is running to jump and says, "I wish I was a..." and he trips on a rock and tumbles over the side and says, "ooh poop".............................there was a mess at the bottom

You know the story of Absalom? Well, it's perfect example of what one should not do. You see, Absalom decided to jump ahead, instead of waiting for his turn to become king. He started a revolution, gathered and army, and attempted to oust David from the throne. He met his end when his hair was tangled up in a tree. The general decided to have him killed for his treachery.

So what's the moral of the story? Be careful. Absalom attempted to use goto, and it cost him his life. The other moral? Your tangled spaghetti code can get you caught on the wrong side of a binary search tree.

Math tells us the saddest love stories ever. Parallel lines, who travel side by side but are destined to never meet. Tangent lines, who cross paths once and never see each other again. Asymptotic lines, who get closer and closer but never meet. Derivatives, which attempt to mimic someone they see as better, but always remain a shadow of the original.

I was talking to my son, who was looking forward to hunting Easter eggs. As is tradition, I ask my kids about what they are going to use to hunt their eggs - a shotgun? Are they going bow hunting? But I kicked it up a notch this year.

I asked my son if he at least had a hunting license. He said that he didn't. I tsked at him and told him that he should have a hunter's license if he intends to hunt eggs.