It Takes a Whole village to Raise a Child *footnote*

We raised a son with cerebral palsy. And when I say ‘we’ I mean myself, my husband, our daughters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbours, friends, husbands new wife after we divorced and all her relatives. Then there were the therapists, doctors, nurses and special ed teachers, classmates, really, the list goes on ad infinitum.

When my son was in high school, he and I had a standing date to watch a television series called “Life Goes On”. It was about a normal family with normal everyday problems – mom, dad, two teenagers (brother and sister) and their collective dilemas creating the weekly plots. Corky, the boy, had Down’s Syndrome. I think this was the first-ever tv show to normalize a special needs kid. The actor, Christopher Burke, was actually a Down’s kid himself, and epitomized the truth that special kids do grow up to be healthy, self-sufficient, independent men and women who not only grasp life’s challenges, but embrace them, just like anyone else. So for about three years, I think, my son and I tucked in after dinner on Sunday evenings to watch this show which more closely portrayed the social problems he faced in life than any other tv show around.

By this time I was a single mom and really quite on my own as my other children were grown and off building familes of their own. This series was like my support system, reinforcing manners and values I was attempting to instill in my son.

From the beginning, he had been mainstreamed. That meant he attended regular schools, with a mixture of regular and special ed classes, tailored by his needs and ability to handle the workloads. For him to be able to watch another male (Corky) work through so many of the social problems he, himself lived, was not just amazing – it helped teach life lessons in a way his teachers and I couldn’t. I was so grateful to the writer’s and producers of this show…

There was a particular episode where Corky, tired of being Mr. Nice Guy, spent the hour behaving like a jerk. At some point, one or both of his parents sat him down and let him know that his ‘handicap’ was not a free pass to behave badly. He was subject to the same social code as the rest of us mere mortals. My son had been hearing from me since he was able to throw a spoon across the room that a bad temper and poor manners were not God-given rights just because he had a couple of physical problems. I expected the same respectful behaviour from him as I did his sisters and that a jerk was a jerk and an asshole was an asshole, regardless of how a person’s legs did or didn’t properly function.

Not too long after the airing of this episode, my son and I were at a bake-sale fundraiser which involved a stack of other CP kids. One of them was in a wheelchair and a bad mood. He kept running his chair into people. They would grimmace, but then not comment as soon as they saw he was ‘challenged’ (good grief why can’t we say ‘handicapped’ anymore?). My son was chatting with a girl when this kid tried to slam into her walker. My son grabbed an arm of his chair, stopping him in his tracks and got in the kid’s face. “Hey pal, that wheelchair doesn’t come with a license to be an asshole. Knock it off.”

I was so proud.

Sarah and Bristol Palin’s outburst over the ten second Family Guy joke about Down’s Syndrome and the Governor of Alaska made me remember this incident, this time in my life, because ‘they’ are the classic jerks. By constantly placing all physically/mentally challenged persons into a bubble to shield them from the rest of the world, they are the ones engaging in discrimination. Publicly pointing the finger and saying SEE OVER HERE! THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! COME LOOK! creates a barrier, immediately separating ‘them from us’.

By treating the DS girl like anyone else in their scripts, Family Guy served to incorporate DS kids into the mainstream, not the other way around.

I’m guessing Chris Burke laughed at the Family Guy bit. It included him in society, with full rights to be made fun of, laughed with and gave him a bit of recognition.

A bit of nostalgia for those who may remember:

This isn’t Corky. What – you thought Chris Burke was the ONLY Down’s kid actor?

Sarah, Bristol – stop helping. It’s discriminatory and distasteful. Plus, no one’s asked for your help and you do it badly.

*footnote*commentor junasie14 brought up the point that the voiceover of the girl in the Family Guy episode portraying the Down’s Syndrome character actually is an actress who has Down’s Syndrome. Her name is Andrea Friedman and coincidentally is the same actress who portrayed Corky’s girlfriend and love interest in the aforementioned series Life Goes On.

Talk about bringing a discussion full circle!

I’ve seen Andrea in episodes of Law and Order, ER and Touched by an Angel and I think she’s a terrific actress.

Hey Sarah! You think maybe it’s constitutionally ‘okay’ for a person to make fun of themselves? Or do we now need to get your personal approval before cracking a joke?

To comment on this post, please scroll up to the title: It Takes a Whole village To Raise a Child and click the word comment just beneath. Thanks, OzMud

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16 Responses to “It Takes a Whole village to Raise a Child *footnote*”

I loved that show and watched it with my kids. Too often people labor under the misapprehension that people with handicaps and differences in mentality are devoid of the same emotions and feelings that drive those of us that are “normal”. Nothing could be further from the truth. They feel and express love and hate and sorrow and joy and lust and envy and hope and despair just like the rest of us. Their only difference is that often their differences are more visible.

This was simply a way for Palin to get more attention. To use special needs children in her quest for political gain is so very, very low. (It doesn’t seem like she is ever with Trig much at all which I think is very sad.)

@sister – rofl that takes me back – I used to call my son ‘my little CP baby’ and people assumed I was speaking baby talk to him saying ‘seepy’ for sleepy. But he and I knew what I meant. It was my little signal to him that he could do anything – that the labels his doctors would be giving him through the years were just guideposts, to be followed for sure, but not taken to heart or use as limits. thanks for sharing that with us 🙂

@midnightcajun: My son is currently an out-of-work driving instructor. But not because he can’t do the job – because of the California economy. He’s managing, though, and looks forward to the day the job market turns itself around.

It was a tremendous achievement for a young man who was told by several doctors he was chasing windmills thinking he would ever drive a car at all. He drives an automatic. His right leg works just fine. He had to take the state tests orally rather than written because he has difficulty with printed multiple choice questions, but once they accomodated him with an oral exam, he aced it.

Watching a kid who’d been 21 years old before he finally graduated from high school pour over department of motor vehicles manuals, learning intricate road rules and state laws – well it just did my head in. I was really proud of him.

He does, however, have trouble sometimes curbing his temper. But he’s working on it. Thanks for asking 🙂

What a rotten thing to do to a child. She must have known what “TriG” meant because she’d had tests while pregnant and learned about the disease. She uses her kids as props. She’ll never get enough attention.

Terrific post. The Palins could learn a lot from you about parenting a special needs child. Unfortunately, they seem to have little interest in learning about what is best for Trig, as they appear to be mainly concerned with how he can be used to advance their own interests.

I wish more parents of such children would speak out about this, as well as diabled adults. Palin has already used her platform to set the image of professional women back 50 years, and seems intent on doing the same for people with disabilities.

I wonder if she is even aware that the voice of the girl in the ‘Family Guy’ scene is played by an actress with Down Syndrome (Andrea F. Friedman). Probably not, or she would have asked her to apologize to Trig.

OMG I love this post, it made me smile and it made me cry!
My middle child (9yo dd) has Down Syndrome and we adopt a very similar family philosophy as you describe. We have the same expectations of her as our other children, and her disabilities are not a free pass to get away with anything.

I hate reading that “they” this and “they” that when referring to people with DS – THEY are INDIVIDUALS just like everyone else and experience and demonstrate the full range of emotions and behaviors.

SP has NO CLUE what she is talking about. I have NEVER believed her stories, and she talks only in cliches, not with an ounce of empathy or experience. She disgusts me on too many levels to get into in this post LOL.
Jill in Ohio

You know, I have rheumatoid arthritis, and although I’m doing fine and it’s not immediately apparent, the truth is that I AM crippled. My hands look different from other’s hands, and I can’t do what everyone else can do. I do not have a problem with the term “crippled.” It’s not like some other word will keep me from remembering my condition. Similarly, I am not afraid to use the term “retarded” as a juvenile insult, because sometimes it really applies (you know, like when you’re in a meeting at the White House and a group of politicians is doing something particularly lame)!

So I really appreciate this post, because you are the kind of mom that does all the right things for your kid, including treating them with dignity by not treating them differently.

I do want to reply to “I Do Not Quit,” above. I didn’t believe this was true, but I just googled it and you are right – Tri-G is shorthand for Trisomy 21. Good lord. But I want to correct you about one thing: Sarah Palin did not give birth to Trig. I know it’s hard to believe those rumors could really be true, but they are. Visit palingates.com and read the “babygate” posts.

As a retired teacher who taught for 33 years before retiring last year, I have had lots of experience in interacting with special needs children. They are their own individual people who have different personalities. Although I wasn’t a special education teacher, I developed a very good relationship with the special needs children at my school because my carpool partner did work with these kids. Everyday during my planning period, I would go to visit with them. These visits resulted in extended conversations with the kids in the cafeteria, hallways, and common areas in the building. They would look forward to the interactions, and so would I. I grew to love these kids just as I did all of the rest of the kids. Palin shows extreme ignorance when she views special needs kids as a separate group of individuals. These kids need to be allowed to reach their fullest potential free of labels. Maybe Palin needs to spend some time interacting with special needs children, and then maybe she’d be as successful in raising Trig as Oz has been in raising her wonderful son. Good job, Oz! You and your family are truly a gift to the world and deserving of all of the praise you receive.

Thank you so much for this post. I really want Sarah (and Bristol if she really had anything to do with the response on FB)to shut up! And in loving memory of Paula, the family friend who had DS and lived into her 50’s, who was sweet, kind, loving, and also “feisty” when she wanted to be because she was an advocate for herSELF, I thank you for the post and I implore SP to shut up.

My youngest great-grandchild was diagnosed with hemiparesis. I am so proud of my granddaughter, her husband, and her other children, who spent enormous amounts of time every day taking him to doctors and therapists, working with him, and cheering him on. Nothing like the person in the news who uses her son as an exhibition of “Look at me, how grand I am for having him, and allowing him life — and now my job is done…..” as he is passed off to whoever is near to take him off her hands. But, then again, I don’t believe that she is the birth mother of that child either. Raising a special-needs child is a job of commitment, a job of love and devotion, and a job of creating a stable environment, and cheer-leading.

Thank you so much for your post, and congratulations on a job well done!