Has Monogamy Turned Into Monotony?

My husband and I have been married for ten years, we have three wonderful, yet high-maintenance children, and in the midst of our busy lives, our romance has completely made a disappearing act. I am probably to blame because I am so exhausted from all of the running around I have to do all day, working a part-time job, picking the kids up from soccer, ballet, and art classes, then coming home to mountains of laundry, ironing, and a swirl of cleaning, cooking, and making lunches for the next day! The only thing I want to do at day's end is collapse my wrung out body into the loving arms of my Downy fabric softened sheets as I descend into oblivion.

So, you can imagine that when my husband starts to rub up against me at 10:45pm I want to smack him. Sometimes I give in because I just don't have the energy to tell him to back off. So, needless to say, when we do have sex, it is always the same 'ol paint-by-numbers-rigmarole. This probably wouldn't bother me if somewhere deep in the back of my weary mind I didn't long for a deeper, more intimate connection with my husband. I miss the fireworks we used to share back in the day. Is there something I can do to get them back?

Help!

Monotonous Margarie

Dear Margarie,

Just as the 4th of July is a national Holiday that we dedicate to reconnecting with the principals on which our forefathers (and foremothers) built our wonderful country, you and your beloved need to create your own Love Holiday ritual to reconnect with the reason why you two fell in love in the first place.

National holidays are built in reminders to stop our scurry, flurry, and hurry of daily life to drop into a deeper place, take a breath, and remember what life is really all about' and they don't happen by themselves. The reuniting of you and your husband's souls will also require a deliberate interruption from the bump and grind of daily life! The bad news is, it is going to take some effort on your part. The good news is that a little goddess effort will go a long way to reigniting your passion.

I can hear your 'yeah but's' because you wonder where the time and money is going to come from to create this 'Love Holiday'?

Well, if you are willing to carve out a few hours away from the kids and the 10,000 demands of your ordinary life, I have a special (simple and no cost) goddess ceremony that you can do to reignite the spark between you and your beloved:

1. Create an altar that has five candles, four candles in each of the four directions (North, South, East, and West) and one in the center. Play soft music and burn some sage or incense.

2. Adorn the altar with flowers, rocks, shells or sacred objects that remind you of your love for each other.

3. Tell your husband to join you by the altar, while you (the goddess) read/improvise the following'

4. Light the candle in the East, and as you do, say, 'I call upon the guardians of the East. The element is Air and the time is Spring. This is where we remember to breath, to begin our relationship anew, to start over, to reconnect with our innocence and our first days of being together' the first time we laid eyes on each other, the qualities that magnetized us to each other (the twinkle in his eye, the smell of his hair, the way he made you feel), the first time we kissed, the first time we made love, and all of other 'firsts' we have been blessed to share.'

photo by John Graf

5. Light the candle in the South, and as you do, say, 'I call in the guardians of the South. The element is Fire and the time is Summer. This is where we give ourselves permission to be passionate and excited. The South represents the teenager aspect of ourselves that is idealistic, playful, sensual, romantic and wants to participate in life to make all of our dreams come true. Fire also represents transformation, so let's reflect upon all the fires we have courageously walked through. And let us realize that all that remains from the fire is turned to gold. Let this candle represent the passion that inspired us to marry one another' as well as all the dreams and desires that we want to manifest and create together.'

6. Light the candle in the West, and as you do, say, 'I call in the guardians of the West. The element is Water and the time is Autumn. This is where we turn within, and allow ourselves to be introspective, connected to our intuition, the deep end of our emotional ocean, and our ability to appreciate the beauty of every tear that falls' whether they be tears of sadness and tears of joy. Let us allow the element of water to dive fully into the sea of love and to connect us with the ability to flow with the changes of life, reminding us to be flexible and to release attachments to the way we think life is supposed to be so that we can flow with the glow of life.'

7. Light the candle in the North, and as you do, say, 'I call in the guardians of the North. The element is Earth and the time is Winter. It is here that we embrace the part of the cycle that we call death, endings, and completion of cycles and chapters in our lives. This is also where we connect with our wisest selves, and call upon the collective wisdom of our ancestors who have gone before us, and consider all that they went through to ensure that we would make it to this very moment in our lives. Consider that their wisdom and higher perspective is within us now and always."

8. Light the candle in the Center, and as you do, say, 'Let us now connect with the center of this medicine wheel, this sacred circle called our relationship, the place in our hearts that is large enough to contain all aspects of ourselves, the masculine/feminine, the child/elder, the light/dark, and all of our past memories, and all of our visions and dreams for the future. It is here that we realize our inseparable connection with each other and with all of life, forever and always."

With the candles ablaze, make love to your husband as the goddess that you truly are, reminding him of the divine man that he is. Allow your lovemaking to be a new experience, because if you are truly present with each touch, kiss, and caress, it will transport the two of you directly into the heart of passion and divine love.

If you allow it, a ceremony like this one, even if only created once a month, will linger with you, like smoke across the heavens after skyrockets emblazon the night sky. Even once your busy routine sets back in, you will notice yourself breathing deeper, feeling quenched in the places within you that previously felt parched, and memories of your Love Holiday will 'give proof to the night that your relationship flag is still there!'

Enjoy the fireworks,

Kelly "The Goddess" Sullivan Walden

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photo by John Graf

Kelly 'the Goddess' Sullivan Walden is a Relationship/Dream Coach who began leading Goddess Queen Gatherings after a life-altering encounter with her inner Goddess Queen. Kelly is the author of 'Discover Your Inner Goddess Queen' an Inspirational Journey from Drama Queen to Goddess Queen', as well as the upcoming 'I Had the Strangest Dream! The 21st Century Dreamer's Dictionary' (Warner Books). Kelly's vision is a world where all people are living as Goddess Queens and Divine Kings in their everyday lives. Do you have relationship questions? Ask Kelly how to turn your relationship drama to phenomena. For interviews, speaking engagements, private sessions, or information about how you can create your own Goddess Queen Gathering, ask Kelly or check out her Goddess Queen Unlimited Website.