I see almost all comments are from women, so I will tell my story as the deceived husband.
My wife since 16 years went to Jakarta for work during 5 months. Except
for the Xmas, when our daughters and I went there to see her, we didn\’t
see each other during all that time.Initially we spoke a lot per phone, but gradually she had less and less time for that, spening more time with friends.
Though I was happy she was making friends I also asked her to not let that
stop our conversations. I also felt I needed her support during this
time as I had some problems with my work I needed to talk with her to
share my worries. After having asked her three times to take some
time to talk with me (normally she made short calls saying she was in
the taxi going somewhere, or just arrived and was too tired to talk
etc…), she told me that she had no intention to stay home just to talk
with me, as she wanted to be among people.
When she came back, I noticed her different, and soon enough I found her hiding conversations with a male friend of hers.The tone in the e-mails were very friendly, and a little compromising, as
he called himself her \”admirer\”, asked for photos of \”her wonderful
smile\” and explained how he waited \”patiently for her to return\”.
My wife reminded him of his promise to be her \”dive buddy\” when she
returned (she had taken the license while there, that\’s how they met),
to which he said that his promise always would stand.
Short thereafter my wife started to talk about going to Indonesia on vacations, diving, without me.
I confronted her regarding the e-mails and she claimed they were just
friends, and she had no intention to go diving with him (that was \”just
something she had said\” – without being serious, she told me).
I told her that if they were just friends I would like her to be open
about their conversation, and stop all the flirting/flattering.
Alternativally to stop the conversation completelly. (this was in May).
To make a long story shorter, I\’ll just mention the two latest rows we have had on this.
In september I hadn\’t seen or heard anything on that guy for 2 months and
when asking my wife she told me that they had no contact any longer. Two
days after I found a load of e-mails and she admitted that they had
conversations various times a week.
I was really angry and we argued a lot. She promissed to, from then, be honest with me regarding
their relation and tell me if they had any more contacts. We even went
to counceling. Also there she promissed to be open with me if there were
any more contacts with that guy. Still, just a week ago, I found
a chat where the guy started with \”Hi my love\” and thereafter they
chatted for a while before switching over to the phone a talk. Obviously
they had retaken the contact some weeks before, without telling me.
I don\’t know what to do any longer. I love her I seriously don\’t think
she wants this marriage to end. But she is destroying it. I have
problems trusting her. Now she is very sweet with me. She is planning
a trip to Paris for us two and, once again, she has promissed to stop
lying. She understands that I am having some trust issues, but also she
has no patience with me when my questions pops up (which they did all
the time the first days, and a little less now).
I have no idea of how to make her understand that she has behaved bad (she always claim
she didn\’t do anything wrong and it\’s more like she is doing me a favor
when she promisses me to be honest). And I have no idea of how to regain my trust in her.