Should I give him a second chance?

Jan 31, 2006

There's this guy I used to date who broke up with me and hurt me really bad because he accused me of cheating on him. Now we're talking about going out again. I'm in love with him, but I don't want him to hurt me again. Do you think I should give him a second chance? Everyone deserves a second chance, right?

Stephanie, 16, Jasper, Texas

In theory, yes, everyone deserves a second chance. But you also need to honor the voice inside your head that is afraid of being hurt by this guy again--that voice is there to protect you. Since I don't have all the details about what went down between you two during that first breakup, it's best for you to use that voice as a guide.

So basically what I'm saying is this: Don't accept a cliché piece of advice just because it's generally true--it might not be true for you in this particular situation. One thing people often do is ignore their gut feelings about situations and rely only on the facts. But the part of you that is afraid of being hurt again doesn't feel that way for no reason.

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Maybe this guy didn't handle things so great. The point is, be a turtle. Don't rush back into a relationship just because he's gotten over whatever went down the first time. Even though he was the one throwing around accusations, you ended up getting hurt, and you need to heal.

The two of you need to resolve the trust issues that exist between you in a mature way, and the best way to do that is to take things slowly and not rush into dating again. And P.S.: You can have a relationship without it being a physical one, you know? It seems like trust was an issue the last time you two dated--and it took on a physical tone, since he accused you of cheating. My advice is to take it slow and build your emotional relationship (hold off on anything physical--including making out). It's the best way to build a proper foundation the second time around. This way, if your relationship develops into dating, you'll know that it's on more stable ground. And if he bails because you're moving too slowly, you'll know that he's not interested in a proper relationship, and you'll be saving your heart from another stomping session.