Friday, June 3

Y'know, guys who get their kicks and then go back home might have the right attitude. Perhaps they're ultimately happier 'cos they've already got certain "things" out of their system and so are more mature about what they want from a life partner? The fact is the girls that they originally went after were probably never seen as wife material, but no, this blog isn't about blame and judgment.

On the other hand, people who "refrained" (for want of a better word since I want to avoid implying that all seedhi saadhi people are horny as hell) may want both the important stuff and the superficial teenager giggly stuff. They have yet to get over their stud complex and so want a partner who'll fulfill that too; and of course, these be rare beasts. Naturally, something has to give - either they'll be with a real man/woman or they'll be with a superficial trophy. Either way there's a danger they'll end up unhappy 'cos they'll feel something is missing - they are yet to have their respective fixes.

So yes, much as I hate to admit it, perhaps all the guys we criticise for messing around are on to something, even if they didn't realise it at the time. They certainly seem happier after settling down and getting on with their lives. Perhaps more importantly their partners are also happy - they don't care about history, preferring to live in the now. And good for them if so.

Alright, so there's a lot of frustration and stuff up there. But I do have a serious point (just in case you've already dismissed the above as not being that). Do past relationships make it easier for one to find their final perfect partner? If so, where does that leave the (possibly few) of us who've chosen not to have any relationship apart from that long lasting final one? Is there any hope for them?

Well, there must be some, since there are many examples of successful, happy and long lasting first-time-couples. However, some would argue that they belong to a time long gone. Back then it may have been the norm to have no or neglible experience with relationships, but we now live in a time where people who haven't been in past relationships apparently make up a minority.

And so, finding someone who is likeminded on this issue becomes somewhat difficult (and that's ignoring the fact that people who have been about don't necessarily restrict themselves to others who have done the same. Not that they should, of course). This isn't just simply about parity (and digressing a bit I still don't think your virgin status gives you more currency to demand the same of your partner than a non virgin), but more about fulfilling an idealistic notion of compatibility that others long realised doesn't even really matter.

Add to that the fact that we all seem to be more obsession with romance than the more practical issues of relationships and marriage and, well, it becomes even more difficult - especially for that minority whose belief this same obsession may contradict.