Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Passed Test (and other things)

I thought I wouldn't miss any questions but I overelaborated on one, and thought something was added on top of something else. So it was sort of partly right, but it is okay because the main point is that I studied and passed. And I'm not done studying either. I'm going to know this like the back of my hand, all of it (I hope). I guess it wasn't that I forgot anything either...it was that I had been told something went on top of something so I remembered it this way and included all the details. If I'd just written what gets added, it would have been without flaw. I didn't forget anything though!

I was sort of bummed it wasn't perfect, but it was close enough. Today I engaged my mind in remembering some other things, with locations, too, which I enjoyed actually. I hadn't studied this part at all (forgot) but stood there and pulled out the map and then visualized. (It wasn't part of the test but a different training).

Visualizing was huge. Seeing a number and then mentally picturing where it was and going from counting alongside other markers to just singling it out. I was getting it down.

I'm happy with everything.

The weird thing I did was afterwards, I was going to walk one way and then decided to just catch the bus and lo! jumped onto broken glass bottles. Crunch. Then I walked over just to see the bus pulling away and walked anyway. I thought, "I missed it!" and I was so close but then decided, "This is good that you're walking because you're not doing anything else athletic right now."

Hopefully I'll get back into being a maniac again, very soon.********************************************Last night at chapel I felt a very strong presence when we sang this song "Hosanna in the Highest". Off and on it's been there. Which has been really nice. I noticed it at one point at work today which was odd. We weren't in chapel but I noticed it briefly anyway, in the middle of some training. It wasn't anything to do with technology either. It was different.********************************Someone stole my necklace that had the pendant of the "O" on it, for my son's initial "Oliver". I took it off while I was in the sauna one day, because it was getting hot (metal) and then someone took it and I thought they would be honest enough to turn it into lost and found but they didn't. So the other day I drew a black "O" on the inside of my fingers, with a pen, where I would see it, on my left hand, inbetween the pointing finger and thumb, to remember him throughout the day.

Then, the last few days I have chosen lockers with the number 4 or that add to 4 to remember my son, as his age is 4.

I really think it's horrible someone would keep any kind of pendant with, clearly, a sentimental attachment and child figure on it, in a women's locker room of all things. What kind of woman-women does this?*********************I've been playing "Hosanna" and then found a new song too. Which I'll add links to. I thought, the other night, I might tear up to a song about God being holy, holy, holy, but the one that got me was "hosanna". I played it a few times this afternoon and then found this one, which I thought was going to be the same thing, but with a man singing it: Savior King: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Os_oIZqeulM&NR=1I guess his name is Marty Sampson (just found a different link)I found an older maranatha song I haven't heard in a long time:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6-m1I1_xscThen I listened to a couple of maranatha kids songs: cast your cares upon him, and his banner over me is love.Kiss the Son by Kevin Prosch (another worship singer I used to like and listen to a lot): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZB8v7VfmUoI just looked this up and it's not Kevin singing but someone else doing a cover of it and then someone painting on an easle at the same time, at a live concert."Lord of the Dance" is good, by Prosch, and an older one. This one is based on I Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter, "Love Is": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBVbEHmKvqU&feature=related"She Walks In Beauty" (from Kevin Prosch/Black Peppercorns): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpwEfP1q5UI&feature=related"Hopelessly in Love" (Black Peppercorns/Prosch): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDwR4cvpcQoI was going through some of the old songs from peppercorns and then back to "kiss the son". Trying to find some others.

Maybe later. The last one, hopelessly in love, made me think about an Oprah special I saw yesterday (?) about 2 sisters who had been molested by their relatives, and then it went back to a clip from a child molestor who talked about why he did it, which was aired a year ago. I don't watch Oprah, but had seen this episode from a year ago and then saw the one with the twin sisters yesterday. I have heard people talk about how they can't imagine God as loving bc they don't know how to identify, but God is very different. I think of the songs from Prosch as song of solomon songs which can also be seen as love of God for the bride or people.

I found a different song with the name Kiss the Son but I'm trying to find the other one again. Here's a different one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dEmZZdyXBIThis one is definitely heavier on the bongos. Or some kind of hand drum.

Jeremiah 18 came to mind so I typed it in and looked at it. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+18&version=NIV

Anyway, I was thinking about something Oprah had quoted in the last episode, where she said she had read or heard it said that "forgiving someone is to let go of any hope of changing the past". I don't know that I agree this is what it is exactly. Because forgiving someone, to me, is conditional upon grace or my saying, "I forgive you" but I do not accept what has been done to my life, past, present, or how it affects my future. I think you can say a person is in God's hands or give the power to forgive to God himself, but as for changing the past, I would not give up this hope to anyone, in the sense that even if they affected my past which affects my present and future, it can be turned around. I also think there is a difference between forgetting what happened, which is more along the lines of not having hope that the past will change, and just "forgetting" and forgiving.

I don't know. I don't know what it was exactly, but I agreed with the idea of it, but not the whole thing.

Last night at chapel I turned to Hosea at the very end, right before Joel, but on the same page as Joel and then to Luke 4 I believe it was, about God removing the veil from the hearts of those who want to see. I might be wrong about the book, but it was about how the law of Moses, when read, there is still a veil over the hearts, as he wore one over his face to hide the radiance, but with the new covenant, the veil is removed and the light revealed.

About Me

this is a blog about my life and thoughts on: clergy abuse (Mt. Angel Abbey); defamation by press (Willamette Week); freedom of speech; abuse of government powers; religion, and other social issues; and the art & humor in routine life; and is dedicated to my son