Damn. Jay that is an awsome test. I scored 80 but that was only after I ditched the wire brush, pry bar, hand saw, etriers, jumar, bolt kit, hammer,pitons, hooks and drill

Seroiusly, with my normal rig I still got an 80 Wondering if I really have to give myself 10 points for Mad Rock Flash... I mean they are slippers fer christ sake.. just because they are the wrong brand...

A few years ago I soloed RBF on a super nasty cold windy bulletproof day. I got in my VW buss with helmet and Crampons on and drove to chapple pond working that clutch, gas and mushy brakes with rambocomps while stareing through the one tiny clear spot on my frozen windshield. Pulled into the Chaple pond parking and step out with helmet, crampons and tools ready to go. Fight the wind accross the frozen pond and solo Chiounards.. Must have racked up some noob points with that stunt

Drank about 10 Adirondak pale ales on the way back to VT on that trip....

Well, I don't really sport climb much and don't have any dedicated sport climbing gear. So, my Noob index is 132 (*), making me one of the last people you should accept a belay from. At 132 sprinting may not be required, but a purposeful jog in the opposite direction is surely called for. However, see note below.

(*) Most of my gear is marked with red tape. If I had counted that in the scoring, my index would have been astronomical, and mere running away would probably not save you from the billowing cloud of noobish contamination surrounding me.

You're at the sport crag waiting for your partner to arrive, an unkown climber walks up to you, and asks, "Hey, you want a belay?" You're on the spot. You'd like to get a warm-up burn in, but you don't want to end up on the wrong end of some hapless gymbie's rope. If you hesitate before answering, you risk offense. You must be definitive. It's either got to be, "Sure, that would be great," or "No thanks. I'm still a little hungover." You need a way to size up your potential partner that is systematic, fast, and accurate. In short, you need a

Screening Test for N00bs

Through years of keen observation, I have identified 10 key risk factors for n00bs. Give the climber the number of points indicated for each risk factor. Then sum the points to arrive at the climber's n00b risk score.

Risk factor 1: Helmet Climber has a helmet at the crag: 2 points Climber is wearing a helmet belaying: 10 points Climber wore a helmet on the approach: 25 points Climber got out of car wearing helmet: 100 points Every-time or just from time to time?

Ouch, I have never liked a single Petzl Harness. Especially the gear loop layout.

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Risk factor 4: Belay device(s) Give the climber 10^n points, where n is the number of belay devices on the climber's harness in excess of one. In addition: Does not have a grigri: 10 points Has a Cinch: 10 points Has a device whose brand name is "ATC" followed by something: 10 points

Skinny draws with wire-gates here. Even my runners are skinny with wire-gates.

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Risk factor 6: Rope bag Non-Metolius: 5 points None: 20 points

In reply to:

Risk factor 7: Stick clip None: 10 points

Rarely use it

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Risk factor 8: Unnecessary equipment 10^n points, where n is the number of items girth hitched to the climber's harness 10 points for each locking carabiner on the climber's harness not clipped to a belay device 50 points for each quick link on the climber's harness

Can you define unnecessary?

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Risk factor 9: REI 1 point for each appearance of the REI logo on the climber's gear 20 points for each appearance of an REI price tag on the climber's gear 100 points for an REI shopping bag containing the climber's gear

Scoring: 100 or more: Run away. 50–99 points: High n00b probability. Climb with at your own risk. 25–49 points: Possibly a n00b or a visiting trad climber. 0–24 points: Probably an experienced sport climber. Less than 0: The climber probably knows more about climbing than you do.