Feeling ashamed

I have been caring for my son who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia several years ago and has been on different antipsychotics but nothing seems to really help except his moods are better but his behaviours and delusions and voices are constant and he is so unwell having put on 60kilos in 6 years so now he has inflammation of both hips and won’t use one arm but I am going slowly mad and feel I am losing the battle and we constantly fight about him not going to appointments that could help his health it’s so serious so i get really angry with him and yell and scream at him and feel so ashamed so ashamed

Re: Feeling ashamed

That is a huge load you are carrying. I hope you are finding time for yourself, taking time out and looking after your self care. One of the things you can control is doing things that help you to cope and looking after yourself as best you can.

I hope that you will find the forums to be a supportive place for exploring all these issues. Just a tip, if you are replying to someone or wanting to notify or touch base with someone, place an @ before their username, as in @Manary

Re: Ashamed

Good morning @Manary! Your heart and intentions are pure. You are giving unconditional love and support. But you need support too. It’s so easy for others to see what is wrong with us, not so much ourselves. Please take time for you. 🌺 I found that meditating, even if for 10 minutes, helps my mood. It’s time just for me. Even if you don’t believe in meditation, breathing exercises are amazing 😉! If I had a mother as persistent as you, maybe things would have been different. Keep your head and never forget there is still a YOU in all this. 🦋

Re: Feeling ashamed

It is so distressing to see our loved ones pile in the weight, not only joint issues but other factors such as diabetes, low self esteem etc that can follow. Sadly the pathways of mental illness are poorly understood and the treatments at best reduce symptoms to enable patients to learn how to function better.

Living grief affects us carers as life has not turned out the way that we had hoped. Frustration and anger are two little talked about emotions that we as carers often feel. These negative feelings impact our own well-being and it is essential for our own health that we get them sorted. Feeling ashamed is natural and it means you are aware of your own humanity in this situation and by owning these emotions you can then move on to learning better ways of coping. I don't think there would be one carer on this forum who feels they could have handled various situations better. I have found seeing a counselor invaluable; carer stress is well documented. Your GP can do a mental health plan which will enable you to get 10 psychology sessions which are Medicare rebateable.

If you do not access any, there are MH support services that can also assist with general support for both us and our loved ones (and with NDIS). Carers Australia also offers support. I can send you some links if you tell me what state you are in.

Re: Ashamed

How are you this evening? Its exhausting isn't it. My son with autism and end stage kidney disease refuses to go to his appointments and currently my daughter is an inpatient with a psychosis. I know how you feel. What I miss the most is the ability to just go away camping for the weekend. Sadly I can't see that happening for a long time.

I am not good at self care but what I have observed this year in the many hospitals that I have been in ( as a carer) is the support that pastoral care seems to give people.

I think this is a support available in the community. Or perhaps peer workers that have lived experience. Good luck and big hugs

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