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A bachelor party is a rite of passage of sorts. For many grooms, it's their last hurrah. Their last chance to hang out with the boys. Their last taste of exuberant freedom before the mantle of adult responsibility lays heavily on their shoulders, weighing them down like a stone, slowly crushing them until the last flickering of youth's flame is smothered out of existence.

And if you're already married and you have a friend who invites you to a bachelor party — called a "stag do" in the United Kingdom — you get a chance to watch and pretend you're still young, remembering what it was like in your carefree glory days of bachelorhood.

She wrote, "I'm more than happy for him to go, but we are Christians, so I was thinking of writing a list of rules for all the men to follow."

Go back and read that again. She wrote a list of rules for all the other men in the party to follow. Because nothing makes all your friends hate your wife more than her telling all her husband's friends how they should behave.

Also, was it because she's a Christian that she wrote a list of rules? It's been done before.

After all, we are a religion that loves its rules and "thou shalt nots," so I can understand why her first impulse was to come up with a special list designed to suck the fun out of everyone else's evening.

It's one thing if she created these expectations for her own husband. That's his own family situation: He made his own bed and he can either lie in it or sleep on the couch.

But as a lifelong rebel, I can tell you that if anyone ever gave me this list of rules, I wouldn't follow them, I would use them as a scavenger hunt.

In fact, of her 10 rules — told you! — eight of them started with the word "No."

At the top of the list was "no illegal drugs," which I'm actually okay with. At the very least, you don't want your idiot husband and all his idiot friends to accidentally get caught up in a heroin smuggling ring during a bachelor party. So I'll give her that one.

The next two were a little more restrictive and frankly none of her business: No cigarettes ("hubby quit, so I don't want the temptation") and no alcohol ("hubby doesn't drink and alcohol leads to bad choices.")

This isn't just her keeping her husband away from these things, she doesn't want the other men to have them either. I'm not a smoker, and I don't drink that much, but if someone banned me from drinking and smoking, I'd walk around with a whiskey barrel on my shoulder and a fat cigar clenched in my teeth.

Number six was just sheer craziness and was grounds for the rest of these guys to kick the husband out of their friend group: "All phones need to be tracked at all times."

I don't even let my own wife track my phone, so there's no way in hell I'm letting anyone else's wife track it. I'll tell you where I'm going, and if you believe me, that's great. If you don't, then I have serious questions about where this relationship is heading.

Unless you pull this "no smoking and no drinking" nonsense, because then we're going to a cigar bar owned by an international drug cartel.

Numbers 7 and 8 made me think my mom wrote the list because they included "No swearing" and "Everyone home by midnight."

I suppose it's a good thing you made number 7 a rule, because I was gearing up a few choice words about number 8. This is clearly someone who still uses the phrase "on a school night."

Who are you to tell me what time I need to get home? If you want your own husband to come scampering home when the street lights come on, that's up to you. But these two rules are enough to make me ban the groom from his own bachelor party.

The woman asked her friends for their feedback, and apparently most of them told her what they thought, apparently reminding her that it's not up to her to tell other grown men how they can and can't behave.

So she amended her post and wrote, "Okay guys, I have taken your feedback and you're right. I can't control him once he leaves the house and I can't control his friends, so I've decided to just not let him go."

It's probably for the best. This way, she can keep her husband at home where I'm sure she's got a bigger set of rules carved on a couple stone tablets.

It is not, for the love of GOD, people, the Black Knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I swear, if anyone says Monty Python is "dry humor" is going to get a smack.

Here are some other types of comedy you may have heard and are just tossing around, willy-nilly.

Farce: Exaggerated comedy. Characters in a farce get themselves in an unlikely or improbable situation that takes a lot of footwork and fast talking to get out of. The play "The Foreigner" is an example of a farce, as are many of the Jeeves &…

See, you're already doing it. I can't even say four words without you opening your mouth and well-actuallying all over everything.

What is wrong with you, Well Actually Guy? How did you become that one annoying guy on Facebook who responds to every opinion with "Well, actually. . ."

"Well, actually" you'll explain the punchlines of jokes.

"Well, actually," you'll argue about a single statistic in a news article for hours.

Well Actually Guy likes to point out when things are technically correct, even though those details are not important to the discussion. In fact, Well Actually Guy likes to throw in these minor technical corrections as a way to derail a story, or call an entire philosophical argument into question.

We should call it "wagging," or use the hashtag #WAG. As in, "Did you just #WAG me?"

Did you get that? It's an acronym. Web slang. It's how all the teens and young people are texting with their tweeters and Facer-books on their cellular doodads.

It stands for "The FBI has created an eighty-eight page Twitter slang dictionary."

See, you would have known that if you had the FBI's 88 page Twitter slang dictionary.

Eighty-eight pages! Of slang! AYFKMWTS?! (Are you f***ing kidding me with this s***?! That's actually how they spell it in the guide, asterisks and everything. You know, in case the gun-toting agents who catch mobsters and international terrorists get offended by salty language.)

I didn't even know there were 88 Twitter acronyms, let alone enough acronyms to fill 88 pieces of paper.

The FBI needs to be good at Twitter because they're reading everyone's tweets to see if anyone is planning any illegal activities. Because that's what terrorists do — plan their terroristic activities publicly, as if they were…