Friday, 31 July 2015

I have these tendencies to do something that I do regularly, and to each time I do it, do it the EXACT same way every time. And some of these tendencies intertwine depending on the thing that it is that I'm doing. And I've seen this and these tendencies to be a hindrance. I see that it is really best to take every thing I do, moment by moment, case by case. And to simply act accordingly, dependent on what is happening in the moment. Here is an example of the top of my head. Brushing my teeth. I could have the tendency for example, to brush from left to right, or, top to bottom, and/or for 3 minutes minimum, etc.

BUT, what I see is best, again, according to the teeth brushing example, is to be self-honest. Like, not to go overboard and within obsession within my mind in terms of obsessing about how long to brush my teeth and so on, but more like, just quickly asking myself "Okay, what have I eaten today?" And from that, I can be like "Only fruit/vegetables." Lol, and so possibly not brush my teeth for as long. And like the opposite polarity is heavy sugars like lollies/candy/chocolate, then it's like "Okay, NOW I require some thorough and lengthy teeth brushing to remove those sugars." Things like that. That is what I'm getting at in terms of tendencies/patterns of doing the same thing each and every time, and within this, not actually taking the moment/case for what it is, and acting within the moment, dependent on what I have ahead of me, what I've done before, what I'm doing at the time.

Because, before, I have for instance just done something one way. And then, later on I think to myself "Wait a minute, I did NOT do that particular thing the way I 'usually do it' within tendency." And then I sort of freak out. Like "Shit, I didn't do what I normally do, now maybe that will impact on whatever it is that I did, minus the usual tendency/pattern within how I USUALLY do that particular thing." But also, I see for myself, that I act instinctively so to speak. I see that it's a very fast moment when I do act. I say within instinct, because it's just a really fast movement. So, I see what it is I want/have to do, and I just ACT at that very moment. It's only the times when I LATER look back at the moment and fear that I've messed up a 'routine' all because I didn't APPLY the particular/usual/standard/normal tendency/pattern/movement that I USUALLY apply in that given situation.

So again, it's best to take each moment/case.......moment by moment and case by case, purely dependent on the context/situation at hand in the VERY moment.

Monday, 27 July 2015

I've noticed within watching sport, that I do not find it as 'fun' if I am not following one team/person/country. For me, it feels like I'm more 'apart' of the experience of sport if I am to follow one team/person/country, and that way, I can invest myself, along with emotions/feelings into that one team/person/country. Which I see is a big factor for people choosing one particular team etc when watching sport. Because, if they just watch sport for entertainment/enjoyment purposes, they won't have that energetic attachment to a team and they won't feel the highs/lows of sport within feelings/emotions. People long for that. To them, it makes them 'human'. Which yes, is the same for me, that was what I used to believe.

If people these days were to watch sport as a 'neutral' - that being, one who does not favour one particular team over the other, they'd not be as interested in sport. So again, that energetic experience/attachment is something that humans crave when watching sport. Even if their favoured team loses/is not playing well and they then feel sad/depressed, they will continue the support/favouritism for when those 'high' moments appear. It's just a polarity loop of highs and lows.

I have been and am still practicing this route of simply watching sport for entertainment/enjoyment purposes, with NO favouritism, just watching 2 teams for instance battling it out. I see that sport can be enjoyed in this regard. But one has to write it out to get to this point. Of course, it's not just for the fans of sport to be aware of these energetic experiences/attachments, thoughts, beliefs, emotions and feelings, it's also for the participants within the sport itself that require this knowledge of how energetic experiences/attachments and so on exist/how they originate.

Like I said in my previous blog, sport can be a cool outlet, and it can be cool without participation within one's mind.

For the fans, watching sport purely from/within and as a physical embodiment, not allowing the mind to direct them, will favouring of a team still occur in this regard? I'm sure it can still occur. I'd say it is up to one on whether they choose to favour a particular team or not, or, just want to watch for enjoyment/entertainment, without caring who wins, and well, although..if we are fans without mind, then we should not care about the end result in the first place, so, no caring. Either way, the key is enjoyment/entertainment only, and it should stay that way, despite what happens, despite the end result. Sport CAN be effective without the mind.

Sunday, 26 July 2015

People are so truly invested in sport - to the extent where it can be seen within disbelief. Whether watching sport on tv or in person at an actual sporting event, it's clearly obvious to see the passion/excitement/attachment that people have to sport. One thing that I wanted to talk about here, was how we allow sport to define us and to direct/dictate us/what we do/how we feel. I can also talk about my own personal experience with this.

For me personally, I had ALWAYS been a Manchester United fan. For those who don't know, that is an English soccer/football team. Actually, most have probably heard of Manchester United lol, because that too, teams/brands become so well known and actually..soo RICH, that they spread to each corner of the world. I loved watching Manchester United play. And in never missing a game that they played, I sacrificed my physical body in terms of rest/sleep, and I also sacrificed social outings and such all to be infront of the tv/my computer, watching them play.

I NEVER would have been aware of HOW MUCH I was into Manchester United and whether they won/loss/how they played generally, if I did NOT discover Desteni. I can guarantee anyone right now that if Manchester United were currently playing, I'd be glued to the tv/computer watching it, and yes, allowing that external something (Manchester United) to direct/dictate/influence me, my emotions, my feelings, and within that, manifest those emotions/feelings into headaches, elation, cheering, smiling, laughing and so on. I would have done a Hell of a lot of damage on my physical body/inside of my physical body through all the highs/lows of watching Manchester United play.

Looking on it now, I find it rather hilarious to think that Manchester United losing a match would have me depressed/sad, feeling like shit. And of course, this would manifest in who I was at that time and throughout my day/week even month. I knew no better though. I thought this was all part and parcel of following a sporting team. I knew no better, at all.

I see this with others too. Family members, friends. Shouting ensues when one's team isn't playing up to the expectations that one has of their team. Yelling, sadness, depression, and what after that, VIOLENCE. When one is so worked up within emotions, violence occurs between opposing fans and such, THAT is the level of attachment that humans have to sport, where we will turn on our fellow humans for the sake of sport, for the sake of losing and feeling down/depressed and so on.

Sport is not the problem, WE are. How we see sport is the problem. Sport is a cool output. It can and SHOULD bring people TOGETHER, but obviously, when one team/person is pit against another team/person, it gets out of hand, both within the sport itself, and the crowd. Sport should be used/played purely for enjoyment purposes. Whether one wins or loses, we move on. We learn from it. We practice, gain skills, laugh about it, MOVE ON. Some fans call their favourite sporting team a religion in itself, and it's easy to see that. It just BECOMES them, their life, who they are. Nothing else matters to them.

Saturday, 25 July 2015

So, in my last blog I opened up struggles/points that I had issues with regarding how to write my Journey to Life and also what I should be focusing on in my Journey to Life. Within my last entry, I saw that there is no wrong/right. There is definitely better ways to write a blog compared to other ways. Like, it really is mandatory to not only write a context/point/dimension that one is struggling with, but of course, the point of CHANGE that goes with that context is what really is important, that being, one's Self-forgiveness/Self-realisations/Self-commitment statements. Otherwise one will enter a loop and simply never overcome a point.

So, I'd say my 'main' fear within the Journey to Life has been how I should be writing it/what each blog should incorporate. I know the basics, context = SF/SC. That part I've been doing. But I see that not every day 'has' to include SF/SC if it is a realisation/perspective piece of sorts and/or just writing what one 'feels' within oneself, and then go from there, whether that means more writing/contexts, or SF/SC to follow within writing how one 'feels'. Sometimes, it is not known where to go next UNTIL one has finished writing a blog, that is what I've found at least. In any case, it is NOT good to 'think' of what to write, it's important to just simply WRITE. Writing is a physical act, that is all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I am not/have not been writing my blog 'correctly'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is only ONE or very limited amount of ways in which to write one's blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not simply let my physical body write for me, and in doing so, see the self-honesty within and as myself that appear as words on my computer screen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear just simply writing WHAT IS ON MY MIND and/or HOW I FEEL at the time/and or how I've been feeling, whatever it may be, and then after writing about said point/issue, GO FROM THERE, to just see what I require afterwards, because a lot of the time, I simply do not know what is required UNTIL I write out a particular point/dimension/issue.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constrict myself and what I write, and within this, halt my progress/Journey to Life as to what it COULD have been.

So, I literally commit myself to just WRITE. If I begin to write, then obviously I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, so, there is obviously, whatever it is, whether a point/perspective, it is something that I see as viable to write out, so I commit myself to ALLOW IT, to see where it leads, to see what comes up through writing it out, and to always write until the end, until I have no more to say, and then as I said earlier, to go from there, to see where my next blog should go to, dependent on the writing that I just made.

When and as I see myself in the process of writing a blog/about to begin writing a blog and I fear what the context will be and/or can't 'think' of something to write about, I stop and breathe. I realise that no 'thinking' should be necessary to write a blog, it should NOT take me 10-15 minutes to 'think' of something to write about, and IF that happens, I KNOW I am just not allowing my physical self to write out what it is that I wish to write out. I commit myself to just write without 'thinking' and to simply see where the writing leads me to, and then move on from there, because just simply writing can open up manyyyyyyyy more points/dimensions, which I have seen previously within simply being able to/and just writing.

I commit myself to use the physical act of writing to my advantage, and to not dwell upon it and waste the unlimited amount of opportunity I have through being able to write. Writing is a GIFT, and it is my decision as to whether I gift myself the opportunity to simply WRITE, OR, gift myself the opportunity to write with self-created LIMITATIONS, which only equates to a half-assed writing.

Thursday, 23 July 2015

I've been at a bit of a crossroads as to how to 'do' my Journey to Life. If I see others people's blogs/writings, I see SF/SC of course, contexts, and also on the other hand, I see perspectives, realisations. And not only those 2 segments, there are also a myriad of different writings, cooking blogs, comments on news articles/general topics, general assistance in relation to a whole manner of different topics and so on. It's only now that I write about all the different happenings within writing within a Journey to Life, do I realise there are no boundaries/limits to what one can write.

I've had beliefs that my Journey to Life should be strictly SF/SC statements on a mostly daily basis. I did believe that removing my preprogrammed patterns meant consistent SF/SC statements and NOTHING else. But I really see now, that it all assists. All different angles assist oneself/others. For instance, I can write a perspective piece on whatever the subject may be, because at that time, it is what is coming up within me and/or I just generally see how I need to write it out, and obviously it can assist others who can cross-reference my writings. And THEN, from there, it can open up a whole other can of worms, and lead me to MORE SF/SC statement writings in the next phase. See, one thing leads to another. There are NO limits to what I can write about.

Also, the number of day that I'm up to, it counts for nothing, really. Sure, it does show how far I am into my Journey to Life, and it is awesome to see how far I've come and things like that, but there is certainly no 'rush' to get 'to the end' of my Journey to Life, it's no race of course. That is another thing I've focused on obsessively within my mind - that the day number is of importance, and in fact putting that ahead of what I actually WRITE OUT, which is clearly a mistake. The writings themselves are what is IMPORTANT, not what day number I am up to.

My journey to life began from the day I wrote my first blog. It doesn't begin only when I FINISH - how does that make sense? It doesn't. But this belief within my mind tells me otherwise, that my Journey to Life does not truly exist/affect me until I have FINISHED it, which is clearly bullshit. Anyone who has written for a week or 2 only, KNOWS that change happens in some way, shape or form, and if not, I'd say that person is simply not being self-honest and/or putting 'enough into' their writings to see any change at all.

I've been assisting another as of late. It was them who had asked me for the assistance in the first place, and I duly obliged. I wanted to help. I was unsure of the exact predicament that this person was in, and I could only go by what they were saying to me. I thought it would be a one-off really, and yet, it happened again - asking me to assist them, only 1 week or not even after the initial asking of assistance. Of course, I want to assist others - that is so very cool to do! But, it's when one that I assists 'gets used to this' and then expects this assistance regularly/more than is 'appropriate' is when things can get out of hand from my perspective.

Obviously, there are all different types of assistance, for different contexts and such. I will say that this particular assistance I am talking about is regarding MONEY. Money is obviously a precious commodity, and so with it comes a sense of attachment. I'm talking about attachment in the sense that this is what I need to survive, simply, without it I am done for, I will struggle, and nobody wants that for oneself. I told this individual that I shall only assist them in emergency situations, so for it to happen twice in the space of 2 weeks or under is perplexing to me. I discussed with another and have come to the same conclusion. Again, especially the item being money, it's not something that is easily given/thrown away. Money is simply so precious!

Anyway, I now basically expect this individual to ask for this assistance regarding money regularly. Whether they DO truly need the money or not is very questionable. I sense that they do not, for other reasons which I won't discuss here. And I do know they get paid a lot more than I do. And so it comes down to the individual, to if this money problem is truly existent, to do something about it. To not spend as much. I will have this chat with this person and see what they say. But, this assistance that they desire of me within money, I am not going to give it to them. As I say, money is life, and it's not something that I can live without whatsoever, every single coin/note helps, I need it with me at all times.

So, it's up to me to put my foot down so to speak and to draw the line. I will explain my views/perspectives to them regarding this and why it does not work for me. And simply state that it's best for them to be more considerate of their money, of their spending if they truly are in a pickle regarding money loss and such.

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

I went to a park today for a walk/exercise. It was raining lightly, and after I had my walk/exercise, I stood still on the park whilst admiring/appreciating all of the many different types of birds that were on the ground eating, and also flying around either alone or in groups, in trees as well. I found it really cool, there were groups of 3/4 birds, flocks? Anyway, and they flew not too high above the ground and they would always land simultaneously. I thought that was very cool. They were all individual in movement, but their landings were synchronized. All of the groups that I saw flying around, all their landings, and yes, their movements as well, together, synchronized and simultaneous.

It spoke a lot of volume for me. They clearly work well together, assist one another, do things together, for eachother. They are so unified. Lol after looking at all of these birds and how they move/do things, it makes an absolute mockery of how humans act/are. We RARELY, if ever assist one another, do things for one another/together, have any unity or cohesion. For humans, it is one vs one. Every human for themselves. We can learn soooooooooo much from animals, from insects, from all walks of life, yet we just decide to see them as inferior, as meaningless, as pointless, as NOTHING. And yet, they are so much more evolved than us humans.

But, it was so cool just to be in the vicinity of the birds, how they do things. One can learn SO MUCH just from stopping, watching other life, see how they do things, how they act, how they assist one another - it's fantastic. They are an example to us humans. Most of the time, it is humans that attempt to teach animals/insects and such, but they can do more for us, than we can do for them - at least, for the time being. 'We' have a lot to learn.

Animals are an amazing example to look up to, NOBODY should take them for granted.

Thursday, 16 July 2015

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to portray the character within and as my physical body of 'not caring' and 'not taking this seriously' when and as I see that I am losing against another in a 'competition' of some sort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to CHANGE 'who I am' dependent purely on the scoreboard (whether I am winning or losing) into winning being a 'feel-good state' and losing being a 'feel-bad state'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to show my opponent during competition that I do not care/I am not taking this seriously purely as a means of EXCUSE as to why I am losing/not playing well, when in reality this aspect is PURELY dependent on my physical movements/body and also my opponent's physical movements/body and also the skill level of both of us involved.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within portraying myself as the character that 'does not care' and 'does not take this seriously' manifest a dullness within and as myself and the total lack/loss of enjoyment that I WANT to have/have when I am 'winning'.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT be within and as a state of enjoyment during the course of the WHOLE competition, no matter the score, no matter winning/losing, because it IS 'just a game' and my STARTING POINT for the competition/game itself IS/should be ENJOYMENT.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage myself within and as the 'expectations' of competition, whereas in the 'heat' of battle, emotions/feelings flow, and it becomes a mental battle of sorts whereas changes occur dependent on the state of one and whether they are winning/losing.

Again, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be/participate within and as competition with the starting point of ENJOYMENT.

When and as I see myself 'losing' whilst in competition with another and changing my body language as to show my opponent that 'I do not care' and 'It's just a game' as an EXCUSE as to why I am losing, I stop and breathe. I realise that I have no EXCUSES in actual fact, and that the REASONS, the real reasons as to why I am for instance losing, is purely based on skill level, really. So, when and as I see myself losing whilst in competition, I commit myself to not show/be an excuse/justification as to why I am losing - instead, I commit myself to continue participating within and as the competition for enjoyment purposes of myself/another, and also, for learning/improving skill levels which comes from practice in the first place/putting myself in these competition-situations in the first place. So, I commit myself to LEARN/GAIN/ENJOY as opposed to GIVE UP/MAKE EXCUSES/BE DISAPPOINTED.

I commit myself to NOT allow the scoreboard to even come into consideration, because IF I were to be a stable being who is IN IT for the enjoyment, then NOTHING would deter my physical body from performing, unless of course it was physical strain/tiredness of the physical body in which case a rest is needed, NO OTHER deterrence should come into question/consideration as to WHY I am not 'performing at my best'.

I commit myself to allow myself to be HERE in the moment of every shot/movement within competition and to on the other hand NOT get 'caught up' within energies that 'usually' come up within competitions in the form of emotions/feelings in the 'heat' of battle.

When and as I see another that I'm in 'competition' with manifest 'happiness' when winning/winning a point and feeling as if it's a 'personal attack' on me saying that 'Ha, I'm better than you' directed at me, I stop and breathe. I realise that expression of 'winning' comes in all different shapes/forms, and it is NOT a direct 'attack' on me in any way, shape or form. So, I commit myself to not react within my mind to what another does when winning/manifesting 'winning'. I commit myself to again always be THERE/HERE for the ENJOYMENT, and so not the 'winning' or 'losing' side which usually come up within and as energies within one's mind. I commit myself to also express 'winning' sensibilities, of course, as long as they're NOT for the sake of 'mocking another' - they should be for the sake of acknowledging myself/something that I do if I see it as fit to do so - not within ego, within my physical body.

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

I've noticed these similar patterns coming up when I am 'locked in battle' against another when playing table tennis. I just played again now, and I definitely see myself 'acting' different dependent on the scoreboard. We play scored matches. No prize money or anything lol, but just scoring. When I am winning and/or the score is close, I feel much more 'relaxed' and HERE. And I feel more loose and feel that I'm able to play better, like nothing is holding me back/stopping me from playing how I 'want to' play. Whereas, when I am losing by lots, I portray this character of 'giving up' and also a character of 'not caring'.

Ideally, I want to be that person, that portrayal that is ALWAYS relaxed/loose and thus able to play to how I know I can play/want to play. That freedom to play, to take risks when playing shots and such. I see that the reason for 'not caring' and 'giving up' when losing by lots on the scoreboard, is me trying to show my opponent that I am not taking this seriously, that it's 'just' a game. Also, during this feeling and during the game itself, no matter the score, this particular opponent, I see that they are really trying to play well, to win, and participate within and as anguish when they miss a shot/are losing.

And that is how I used to be as well if I were losing/miss shots. Be angry, be annoyed etc. So, I see that I've overcome THAT state, but have entered a new state of 'not caring' and 'giving up' - sort of as an EXCUSE as to why I am missing shots/losing when it comes to the scoreboard. Lol. So, it's like, no matter the score, my EXCUSE is that 'I am not trying'. Or, my excuse is that 'I don't care' and/or 'I give up'. Or, 'it's just a game.'

So this perception change is something that I really dislike, because it also affects my own enjoyment of the game. It SHOULD be enjoyable, definitely. Yes, it's a game, yes we're scoring, yes there will be a winner/loser in the technical sense, but my personal starting point of it is ENJOYMENT. It's when I get into the excuses and such, that is when I don't put 'my all' into the game, into each shot that I make, and THAT is when I end up missing shots and losing lol. And within that, it's almost like 'I just want this to be over.' Not a cool attitude to have! Enjoyment changing to I WANT THIS TO BE OVER dependent purely on the scoreboard and whether I am winning or not.

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

It is important to look at every single point/dimension that
I face within my mind and manifest within and as my physical body. Of course, I
still have HEAPSSSSSSSSSS more points/dimensions to look at/walk, but coupled
with that, the walking that I do, if it is only/mainly in ‘writing-form’ then
change won’t happen/be nearly as effective. So, what I’m saying is that I
really need to start applying A LOT MORE physical/practical effort in my
everyday life as to teach myself/my physical body and to of course also live my
words/writings in full effect within and as my physical body.

Although not always, a lot of the time, I still see that I
STOP myself from doing something, whatever it is, because I participate within
a particular point and/or multiple points depending on the occasion, which I
allow to dictate what I do/do not do within and as my physical body. So, for
instance, I’ll make plans to do something within my physical reality, and NOT
do them, because I allow a/multiple points ‘to get the better of me’ and what I
end up doing is changing and/or going down a different path to the path that I
had needed/wanted to do within and as my physical body. Obviously this is cause
for alarm, because I am evidently allowing my mind to have the upper hand, to
have the control, over me in every way, shape and form.

No matter the point/dimension that I have to walk, whether
in writing-based form or practical/physical form, I have to DO what I need to
do within my physical/practical-based body/reality, because that will help me
SIGNIFICANTLY in the short/long run and generally, to ‘walk’ these points/dimensions.
Every decision is important. I realise that now. Even the little decisions that
I make which if looked at quickly, seem minimal/unimportant, they are still
vital decisions. The decisions that I make and the paths that I choose – do I
choose the path that I WANT to take, which assists me in all ways, OR, do I end
up NOT going down that path, because I allow my mind to interfere and then
dictate what I do and end up going down a whole different path that does not
assist me at all? Only one of those answers/paths can be taken if I want to see
change that I need. That is why I say every decision is important/vital, every
decision must be one that is made within and as my physical body and within and
as my practical reality.

I mean, EVEN IF there is some energy that I momentarily
participate within and as, like anger energy for a moment, dependent on the
circumstances/scenario at hand, the decision that I make DURING that energy
participation is soooooo vital. So, sure the anger energy may appear, but if I
am aware, then I am able to make a decision to STOP IT from escalating into
SUPER ANGRY energy...and well, an anger energy form that lasts longer than it
ever had to last. I can never allow points/dimensions/energies to ‘stray’ me
off course, the course within and as my physical body. Every decision is
fundamental, every decision is necessary, every decision is mandatory if I want
the change within and as myself that I desire to see.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
undermine certain decisions as ‘unimportant’ and ‘nothing’ because I believe
them to be decisions that impact myself so minimally, that no effect will take
place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail
to realise that EVERY decision that I make and take and do IS vital and
extremely important, because every decision either has a starting point of what
is best for all within my physical body, OR, a starting point of what my mind
desires and then manifests within decision within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail
to see how vital the decisions that I make within and as my physical body are,
despite no/minimal walking of the points/dimensions as the starting point of
the decision within writing-based form.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
undermine any decision that I make within and as my physical body, and within doing
so, still belief/desire for my writing based application to hold ‘the power’
and still believe my writing based application to be ‘the change’ and so still
see my physical/practical based decisions as ‘not needed’ because I have the
writing based application to ‘rely on’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
realise that writing based application and physical/practical based application
go absolutely hand in hand and cannot live/be done without one or the other.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
see that every single decision that I make WILL alter me in some way, shape or
form, so, how I direct that decision is KEY – and that decision MUST be a
decision that is based upon what is best for all life – OTHERWISE, it is a
FAILED decision that will ONLY slow down my process of change and be a
hindrance to my process of change.

When and as I see myself in the process of making a decision
and/already making the decision and believing it to be a ‘nothing-decision’ and
one that will not make an effect on me/others whatsoever, I stop and breathe. I
realise that EVERY single tiny/big decision that I make will have an effect
within and as me/others. So I commit myself to NEVER make a decision within haste
and/or within having a starting point of my MIND, otherwise, I will ONLY slow
down/hinder my process of real/practical/physical change within and as my
physical body. I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I AM IN
CONTROL of EVERYTHING that I do, every decision, every path, and so
hindering/stopping my process of change and stopping self from reaching my
potential is a decision within and as itself that I make IF I ALLOW my mind and
points/dimensions to dictate said decision into one that is NOT best for all
life and thus stops myself from reaching my true potential that I KNOW I can
reach.

I commit myself to stop squandering my potential through
making hasty decisions that are NOT what is best for all life.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

This is Self-forgiveness/self-correction/self-commitment statements on this fear energy about the way I move, the way I walk, the way I move my arms when walking. Along with writing about a memory of Person A saying that the way in which I moved my arms when walking was unnatural/stiff/weird.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
believe that the way I ‘move’ is unnatural in comparison to the way others
move.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold
onto and participate within and as, a memory of Person A telling me that I
should keep my hands in my pockets, because the way I move my arms is
unnatural/robotic/stiff.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
realise that no mind is required to move my arms ‘naturally’ – because the
natural movement is just that, natural, and so physical.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be
focused exclusively on my arms and the way they move, judging them for not going
as far up/as far down as I BELIEVE they should.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
simply WALK within and as my physical body, and allow my physical body to do
the rest within doing what’s best for my physical body in terms of efficiency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my
body’s movements/lack thereof/judgments thereof, as an excuse to NOT go into
public viewing/public situations, which is obviously a NECESSITY to survive/to
keep myself in peak shake for all things within my life.

When and as I see myself wanting to walk, but NOT physically
walking outside of my room/house to WALK, because I fear what others will THINK
of my body’s movements out in public and/or when walking, I stop and breathe. I
realise that because I’ve placed so much importance onto the way my physical
body moves when walking, within fear energy and so on, I’ve allowed that to
dictate and direct what I PHYSICALLY do/do not do, and in this case, I allow
this fear energy to direct me into NOT going into public sectors, and instead
choosing to stay AWAY from others’ eyes, which ONLY equates to showing that I
am being directed by my mind, which is a major loss in itself. And so, I commit
myself to have these wants to walk, because I know the beneficial aspect of
doing so and/or these wants to simply go into public areas, whatever the
reason, and to when these backchats of ‘others judging me and my movements’
appear, to STOP physically, to BREATHE physically, and to CONTINUE walking
outside of my room, whilst still breathing if needed, and to WALK outside of my
door, TO KEEP WALKING, to keep DOING, to keep MOVING toward my desired destination,
breathing whenever needed, and NEVER turning back and NEVER even SLIGHTLY participating
within backchats of going back for the reasons of fear energy
judgments/believes that others are saying/directing at me, because in reality,
I know this to be a myth and ONLY a judgments/belief that I have of myself/my
own movements.

When and as I see myself bringing up memories of Person A
telling me to keep my hands in my pockets, because the way I move my arms is
unnatural/stiff/weird, I stop and breathe. I realise that AT THAT TIME in my
life, I was very anxiety ridden within mind disease which I manifested as my
physical body, and I see that I do still live slight tendencies of this
behaviour/mind disease now, it’s only NOW that I am tackling them and CHANGING
my starting point of them. I commit myself to not allow the memory of Person A
telling me that my arms are unnatural/stiff/weird when walking to dictate that
very movement that ASSISTS my physical body into moving correct/with the most
efficiency possible. I commit myself to walk/move my arms within and as a
physical state/body, because that comes naturally to ME/my physical body, to
move my physical body to its utmost efficiency/reliability.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Right now I am in the middle of choosing what to do/what not to do as to further my chances/shot at getting a job and such. It's not exactly as simple as doing a course and getting a job, because I am limited in the amount of government funded courses that I can commence and at what level of course I can commence. What I'm saying is that there are a lot of factors regarding how I move forward. These, coupled with other factors, such as my current volunteer work and whether the courses will impact that if they were to be on the same day/time, things like that I must look at too.

I am fearing that I will not choose the 'correct' path. I believe there to be one path, or another path - basically, a wrong path and a right path, an incorrect path and a correct path. But it's not that black and white. There are many paths, within paths, within those paths. It's cool in a way, because I have all of these paths/opportunities, so taking that into consideration, it's simply about investigating all paths/each path, and then coming to a conclusion as to which path suits me best for one reason or another.

Like all things within life, it's about investigation. I did always fancy being an investigator..
And I am one, within my own life, and within society - always, always investigating, learning...learning about things, whether the conclusion is a 'good' one or a 'bad' one within the scheme of things. Self-investigation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that paths are as black and white as a correct path and an incorrect path.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly question myself over whether I am making the correct choice/choosing the correct path or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that it is mandatory for me to investigate ALL things within life/society in general, as to see what is the best route in this sense, as it is for all things within life/society/how I function and so on, investigation is necessary as can be.

Within this, I see, realise and understand that the reason for my fearing of the path that I choose and whether I am choosing a 'right' path or not, is because of my lack of investigation thus far - I've not investigated nearly enough about the courses that I can do and where they will get me, so I commit myself to TAKE the initiative and the self-responsibility and to do what I must do to find out all that I can before signing up for a course/signing up for anything, and doing anything as a matter of fact, I must take into account all factors/points of view/angles and so on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not use my mind as a 'sign' or a signal or a reference point as to why this fear is existent within and as me when it comes to choosing the 'correct' path. Because again, I see, realise and understand that if I had done the proper research/investigation of all paths or at least, most paths, I'd be more STABLE when it comes to making an INFORMED decision as to the best path for myself to take/commence.

So, I commit myself to do my research/investigating with what I can do myself, and also use other assistance means, such as calling/emailing or whatever must be done, because that is the BEST way to move forward and/or to choose a path that SUITS me best.

I commit myself to not desire to/and or choose a path WITHOUT investigating the path and/or other paths FULLY/enough as to again, be able to make an informed decision that truly benefits me.

When and as I see myself being in the midst of a fear of choosing the 'incorrect' path, I stop and breathe. I realise that this is the REFERENCE point I need that I really have not done the research/investigation to begin with, and so I commit myself to use my mind as a means of saying to myself that more investigation must be done on these paths and where they lead to. Obviously, if the fear STILL exists even after proper research/investigation, then that is another point to tackle, but to leave that until/if it ever appears.

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

"If I look at my own belief of maturity/being mature, it's being accomplished somewhat, it's being focused upon one's job for instance, one's career"
Accomplished = maturity in my belief.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not mature/do not equate to what maturity is, because I see myself as not accomplished in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because I have 'nothing to show' to myself/anyone in terms of accomplishments (and/or believe this to be the case through ignoring what accomplishments I have made within life) - that I believe myself to be immature/not mature enough, as I have 'nothing to show' for my life.

So within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at my PAST accomplishments. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not look at the accomplishments that I've made within my process of LIFE - changing myself, who I am, what I am, what I stand for - these are REAL accomplishments if ever an accomplishment were to be/exist.

So, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ONLY see accomplishment within a JOB/CAREER aspect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only see accomplishment within how much money I make, how much profit I make, how rich I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at the possessions that I own, and see that there are not many and/or not as many as others have, and see myself as unaccomplished and thus not mature.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that at my age/my general age, I should have a successful job/career, possessions to show for it, money to show for it, and basically this idea of living 'the high life'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus keep on chasing maturity/what it means to be mature, because I as of yet do not have a lot of money/a full time job/general job to be able to live a 'high life'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realise and understand that the system that I/all participate in, is NOT built to assist/support people at all, not in the least to find jobs/keep jobs - not to use this as an excuse, but to see it how it is.

When and as I see myself believing that I must have a good career/any career, a good/any job, a job that makes me lots of money, lots of possessions, a big house and so on to BE accomplished and thus mature/live maturity, I stop and breathe. I realise that this IS the general 'feeling' of accomplishment, to have lots of money, through having a good career/job and so on, but within this, the system is not built to assist/support people to be accomplished within this sense and thus to live a dignified life. And so within this, I commit myself to not 'beat myself down' for struggling to find a stable job/income/means of living comfortably so to speak. I do commit myself to do my best as to survive in the system, to do what I can to survive/live comfortably, but to NOT see my job/career as what it means to be mature/live maturity, that is external of me, and I do not require external things/happenings of any sort to be/live a certain way/a certain word/definition, this is but a belief I have within my mind.

I commit myself to come to the realisation of the accomplishments that I've made within my process of life, my process of change, into what is best for all life. I commit myself to take note/be aware of the changes/accomplishments that in fact MATTER within life, and so NOT the accomplishments of profit/possessions and so on.