​Wednesday Night TV Explores Basketball Wifery and the Art of Dance

On TV tonight there are famous superstars from the worlds of music, dance, and being married to sports players; 16 strangers picked to live in a house to find out what happens if they were never polite and never ever got real; and Morgan Freeman once again asking the questions your government does not want answered.

At 7/6c., MTV is airing a special performance by megaplatinum musical superstar Ariana Grande, which I mention only because she is very, very famous and you have definitely heard of her. Well, and also because it's called Total Ariana Live, which is a reference to a part of MTV history that nobody alive is still old enough to remember, except for Carson Daly.

At 8/7c. on Big Brother, the two nominees for eviction battle it out for the Power of Veto, which could put the deposed Head of Household in the hotseat. We also have the 200th episode of So You Think You Can Dance to look forward to, as it features two hours of Top 20 performances.

Otherwise, nothing is airing at 9/8c. as far as I know. TVs just turning themselves off for a while, takin' a break from always having polarized photons rotating around inside them so fast all the time. Empty the dishwasher, hop on the elliptical. (Not at the same time though!) Or maybe it is just eleven thousand shows about Teletubbies married to basketballs, and that's why I can't tell.

At 10/9c., Taxi Brooklyn continues to solve taxi-related mysteries on NBC, a special Catfish faces off against the debut of ID's new murder show Dark Temptations, and La La's Full Court Life—which I am given to understand is about an emotionally volatile Teletubby named La La who has abandoned her friend Po (pictured above) and married a basketball (not pictured)—comes to its sixth season finale.

If you desire even more confusion than that, there's also a special on TLC about the Johnstons, a family of little people who refer to themselves as, um, "the real life Seven Dwarves," and on Science Channel you've got that wily Morgan Freeman, who—from the other side of a wormhole—would like to pose to you the question of whether gravity is merely an illusion.

The answer will, again, be: No. But only after an hour of semantic redistricting and goalpost-moving and Grand Unified Theorizing so intense that by the end you will be like, "What even is gravity? Turns out nobody knows. Not even Morgan Freeman, in his little wormhole."

[Images viaVH1]

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