Out of kilter, doc? Geordies give GPs lessons in dialect

The traditional doctor-patient relationship was turned on its head yesterday, as a group of GPs and consultants were lectured by pensioners and teenagers on a string of obscure medical terms.

"Smit," "fettle" and "out of kilter" headed a list of Geordie words and phrases about feeling ill which have been causing problems for health staff newly arrived from outside the region.

The translation session at Shotton Hall in Easington, Co Durham, followed an appeal for local people to contribute to a pocket guide for doctors and nurses - some from overseas but others from as near as Nottingham - who might be embarrassed by failing to diagnose a stuffed snoz or mardy gob-oil.

It follows a highly successful pamphlet called Nip to Gut Rot or A Glossary of Yorkshire Medical Terms, which explains to bewildered recruits in Doncaster what locals mean by ows thissen (And how are you, doctor?), sneck (nose) and Rotherham are playing at home (menstruation).

"We're launching a drive to recruit staff from around the country as well as overseas," said Linda van Zwanenberg of Easington primary care trust, which is worried about a future shortfall of GPs and dentists. "We hope the proposed dialect guide will help them to settle in happily, as well as providing the best possible service for our patients."

Judging by suggestions at Shotton, the vocabulary will range from terms for actual conditions - a mardy gob-oil indicates mouth ulcers - to a long list of euphemisms for intimate parts.

The Yorkshire guide, initially for baffled foreign recruits, has more than a page of words for genitalia, from floo to front bottom.

The Easington initiative is part of a five-year programme called the Big Project which hopes to sort out long-term staffing needs. Potential recruits are also being told about the attractions of Durham city, the wild north Pennines and quiet beaches between the Tyne and Tees, on some of which you can pick up free coal.

Shy contributors were encouraged yesterday by roleplay based on a visit to a doctor's surgery at which a bewildering range of possible ailments came up. The trust also organised history workshops on the way mining, farming and shipbuilding have formed distinctive dialect phrases and words.

"Rather than just recruit people, we're trying to give them a good induction to help them settle in," Ms Van Zwanenberg said.

Two life-size cardboard figures covered with stick-on notes scribbled with Geordie terms for body parts were removed at the end of the session, to be added to the list.

North-east ailments

Doctors from outside the north-east are confronted with a bewildering vocabulary: