ely_jan wouldn’t admit to it, but they were responsible for the sudden disappearence of sweptawaybayou’s wristwatch

They’ve even started modifying their body for you

ely_jan had the lower part of their legs removed in order to compensate for the difference in height between the two of you. Needless to say, you were suitably unimpressed when ely_jan came to see you next.

They sent the following message to you in a Valentines

Be mine forever and I’ll promise to never fart whilst you are eating your dinner.

The Police

No. calls to the police :

7 times

Your Last Call to The Police

"Hi, could you put me through to the police? Hi this is sweptawaybayou. Yes that is my real name, what’s so funny? I’m ringing to report a serious egging at my home. This psycho I met off the internet came over here just under an hour ago and started pelting my bedroom window relentlesly for what must have been half an hour before our next door neighbours dog came out."

ely_jan’s Police File

When ely_jan last spent time inside even the most hardened criminals feared for their lives when they were near her.

Testimonies about ely_jan

wolfshark - A spouse-beating alco

‘ely_jan was always one of us. One of the gang. We never suspected anything. I’m really shocked..’

zooz - A hardened ex-crook

‘I’m tired of hearing about of these allegations about ely_jan. sweptawaybayou is a demented twat. Ignore her.’

romanyg - Meat is dinner

‘Boring. I know sweptawaybayou and ely_jan really love each other. They are both just seeking attention. Just get married and stop the fucking games already! Jesus!’