I’ve come to realize that there is every bit of proof right here in NYC that British men are not all they are cracked up to be. I’ve come to this understanding by interacting with some expats over the years. I hoep to impart some wisdom on those who will tell me “You don’t need to go to England to meet a nice Englishman.” Hopefully, the stereotypical expat men I meet here have just been treated poorly in the states and let it affect their general disposition. One can only hope.

The first of these types I have found is a bit of a dandy that overcompensates with kindness. Let’s call him, in honour of my compatriot who was present during this discover, The Douche-Canoodler.

There are several ways to spot The Douche-Canoodler. He wears high-water trouser that show a bit of ankle or stocking. He speaks with an affected and foppish tone. He wears horn-rim glasses and tries his best to sound like his analysis comes from an educated background. He may even wear cross trainers with corduroy slacks.

He will speak only about how he doesn’t understand women. “Do women only want alpha males? I don’t get it. I can’t be that, if that’s what women want.” He will wax ethical about taking advantage of opportunities in the dating arena. All this to lure his Canoodler prey, most often an unsuspecting female friend who thinks she has him in a “friends first” situation.

The most obvious sign you’ve encountered The Douche-Canoodler is his overly apologetic behavior. Say, for instance, he makes some sort of error in judgment or drops something mistakenly, he’ll vomit “sorrys” and “my apologies” until you think you’ll need a mop to clean up the mess.

Don’t be fooled by The Douche-Canoodler and his methods. Like most other Douches, he’s only out for one thing. And chances are he doesn’t even like his Mum.

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More BEDA coming later today, this was a post that should have went up yesterday.