Ideal honeymoon: Would a ‘travel psychic’ help?

Are you a heart-shaped bathtub kind of couple, or the kind whose dream vacation involves backpacks and hiking poles? If you can’t figure that out before your honeymoon — or figure out how to cater to different interests on the same trip — I’d say your relationship might not be one for the record books.

But I suppose those with plenty of time and money but little skepticism could consult Travel Psychic™ Linda Lauren. That’s right, there’s a trademark on that title, according to the breathless press release I received yesterday, which continued:

Linda, a fourth-generation psychic medium, specializes in connecting with people who she comes in contact with through the color and energy she senses around them. Every newly wed couple needs to consider those two things before planning their honeymoon. Linda works with couples through her readings to help them select the trip that is best for them. No couple should have to wonder if they made the right decision — that’s where Linda Lauren comes in. …

She is most noted for her ability to tap into the energy of a person via Intuitive Zoning™, which is by the touch of a hand, a look into the eyes, or the sound of a voice. When she stares into a person’s eyes, Linda actually “sees” a shaded vision of events just as one would see on television. Slow moving flashes of pictures emerge of past, present or future. Because of this gifted ability, Linda is able to do sixty-second readings, as well as delve into past lives.

And if honeymoon planning makes you want to kill each other, good news: Lauren, who was the subject of a 2011 New York Times feature, “has been a professional psychic since consulting with law enforcement in a murder investigation dating back to 1978.”

All jokes aside, planning a honeymoon, just like planning a weddding, can put stress on a relationship, especially if budgets and destinations aren’t in synch. Where would your ideal honeymoon be, and what is your travel advice for those planning theirs?

— Jeanne Cooper, whose spouse agreed 20 years ago to honeymoon on a black-fly-infested Maine island to which they’ve been blissfully happy never to return, despite the innkeeper’s prediction that they would for years to come

Maybe we should have consulted a psychic before honeymooning here. (Photo: U.S. Coast Guard)