Jokes for folks who sing along to both TOOL and Gordon Lightfoot in the car.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Thursday Grab-Bag

Last weekend we drove to Lansing, Michigan to meet our new niece Caylie Lucille. She is an absolutely beautiful little bean--paddling her starfish hands slowly through the air, stretching, yawning, blinking sleepily up at you...I wished the front of my sweater had a big pocket I could tuck her in, and she could nuzzle her head into my neck and I could wear her around the house like the most delightful bib invented.

This Sunday we are anticipating the arrival of our THIRD niece in as many months: Isabella Grace. All of these beautiful babies with their soft, powdery heads and perfect button noses and fingernails smaller than ladybug wings...they are making my ovaries surrender. "Enough! We give up!"

(Is it possible to anthropomorphize internal organs?)

Actually, I feel that way until I remember my horrid self between the ages of 11 and 17. That usually does the trick. I just can't shake the fear that if I have a child, he or she will grow up to be a complete asshole.

Last night I made myself an early birthday cake of olive oil, rosemary, and dark chocolate. It was sublime. Rich, dense, flavorful, and--I'm going to use my least favorite word in the English language--moist. I was skeptical, but it was a Martha Stewart recipe. She hasn't steered me wrong yet. So Martha, you've done it again. I'm really glad you're out of prison.

In other food news, I have a message for Applebee's. Please get some meatless entrees on your menu. Also, mozzarella logs are supposed to bind you up, not give you the runs. You're doing it wrong.

*insert appropriate segue*

Has anyone seen the commercials for the class action lawsuit against Extenze male enhancement pills? Turns out they don't work. Who didn't see that coming? Pun possibly intended.

Finally, the other night we saw the most delightful movie: Winnebago Man. I lost track of how many times I turned to J during the film and said, "I just can't get over how much I'm enjoying this movie!" Usually documentaries make me want to tie myself to the nearest train tracks, but this one made me want to give hugs to complete strangers.

When last I (a fellow vegetarian) ate at Applebees and asked what on the menu I would be able to eat, the waitress just looked at me and told me to fill out the customer suggestion card so "corporate" would know there aren't enough options. Meanwhile, I ate a grilled chicken salad without the chicken. They did give me extra black beans, though. *sigh*