News & Stories from the Holsworthy Mafia

Holsworthy mafia can exclusively reveal (something that everybody has known for months) that Torridge District Council have instructed all their recycling teams to leave any rubbish that is not bagged/boxed correctly.

As we are all aware by now T.D.C changed their recycling pick ups/conditions last year. Going from a weekly collection, they now collect when ever the hell they feel like it, at whatever time suits them. Along with these new collection dates they also issued households with 59 different coloured bags and 36 different sized boxes to place their recycling in.

Households were also told that failure to comply with these new rules would result in you being sent a very sternly written letter, pointing out that you are a useless human being. Repeat offenders were also banished to Somerset with the cider drinking hippies.

To start with some actual adults were unable to understand the words that were written on a letter (clearly laying out their new collection dates). This resulted in many, many ,MANY angry post’s on social media saying how T.D.C were the new nazi’s, and that what was the point in people paying their taxes.

Well one person in holsworthy has fallen foul of the new rules after leaving his rubbish out on Saturday night (the 27th).

After a small misshap ( he stoved it in to a wall) he placed his rubbish on the side of the road, and then proceeded to go home, quite happy that he had followed correct procedure. He fully expected his rubbish (a black ford focus) to be collected the next day (Sunday) and to never have to worry about it again. However it turns out that the owner had not correctly bagged his car in the appropriate recycling container, and as of today (wednesday the 30th) the rubbish is still sat by the side of the road. Because the car was not in the correct coloured bag, the recycling team refused to pick it up, stating that there is only 657 different bags to choose from, and that he really should have put it in the Rainbow coloured bag that is used for ‘special’ items. This refusal to collect the ‘rubbish’ has caused much annoyance and amusement among Holsworthys residents.

However this lack of action on the council part, has started a new guessing game among local people, called “What do you reckon this dipshit really did?”

Upon hearing this the Holsworthy Mafia reached out to several people. The first person we spoke to was our town Mayor and world famous Ali G impersonator ‘Jonny H’. He had this to say:-

Not understanding a word our Mayor said, we then reached out to Torridge district council. We informed them that there was an abandoned car, and asked when it would be removed. The polite young lady on the phone informed us that they couldn’t do anything unless the car had been there 3 weeks, and that we should call the police (seriously WHAT do we pay our taxes for).

The person who had the final say was the overlord of moan and groan, who simply said:-

“fu*king useless”

So it seems that the rubbish will stay at the side of the road until the owner comes back and bags it correctly, or some one gets fed up of it being there and carts it away for spares and repairs.

The Holsworthy Mafia will not be updating this article because we really can’t be arsed.