A few minutes later, still in the loo, Lea is looking at her reflection in the mirror, when she sees the ghost.

Now we have a church scene. Sayali Bhagat (Dr. Suhani) in a tight dress prays to god. She’s off to her first day at the new workplace, and there’s where Dr. Saxena hits on her till she gets up and walks out of his office.

Three days later, the nurse goes over to the doctor’s house and, while making out with the doc, after a hilarious item number (she’s an Oriental chick lip syncing to a Hindi song), she disfigures his face and rips out his heart. But not just like that. She walks on her hands with her feet in the air, and crawls on walls and rests on the ceiling. Jesus is right next to her and all her victims. For what, we don’t know yet. But he’s got the crown of thorns, and he’s got an owl on his left shoulder and a pigeon on the right. Coo.

Turns out that Suhani, after some eerie happenings – like a morbidly silent ward boy bringing her a cup of coffee without her having asked for it, the door opening and closing without him having even touched it, and the cup falling off her desk just like that – walks towards a dusty room in the hospital. She reaches there after hearing strange sounds which include the bleating of a goat. Goats bleat, right? Or is it lambs? Anyway, she finds the corpse of nurse Lea at 3 am, which is exactly when Lea was dancing and ripping Saxena’s heart out. After which Jesus said, “I am evil, and I’m going to take you to hell.” And then there were the worst special effects on earth trying to show us hell by showing a skull and fake fire, and I thought it was a screensaver.

Shiney Ahuja, the best detective around, is given this case to solve. Shiney cruises in a fancy car, rides a high-end sports bike, grabs a bite while reading a novel, drinks coca cola on a holiday, has fun on his personal watercraft, and then, finally arriving at the hospital in his flashy car, is hugged by a spirit.

He then meets Sayali Bhagat, who should just become a porn star if she wants another shot at acting, and they decide to solve the mystery together. They bond by spending time with each other, making coffee together, going on a holiday, dining at swanky restaurants etc.

Now this ghost is getting predictable. She has killed four employees. All at 3 am, each left with a screwed-up face and without a heart. Shiney Ahuja, after a lot of investigating, finds out that he suffers from retrograde amnesia. He doesn’t remember a certain phase of his life, and that phase happens to be the one in which he married a firangi girl. Convenient.

His dad (Tej Sapru) got the girl killed right after their Christian wedding, and told the ones hired for the job to “crucify her like Christ.” So they whipped her with chains of nails and crucified her and she was brought to the hospital with her heart beating but she was butchered alive anyway. By the staff members Shiney’s father had stuffed with cash. So it was this bunch who got killed and Tej Sapru dies in the end, after running here and there from the dozens of ghosts that plague him. With Jesus standing right there. After Tej Sapru dies, Jesus says, “Satan is defeated.” The ghost goes to embrace Jesus.

When the end credits are rolling, the blonde who plays the ghost is dancing to the chinky girl’s item number. Since you won’t be going to watch Ghost, there are two more pics of Sayali Bhagat at the end of this post for you.