New (I Wanna Be A Strug Euro) Dork City

IOENO if I wrote about this Deluxe fishtail before, but I don’t really give a fuck because I got wild fishtail fever and you're all getting infected whether you like it or not. Don’t think you look good in a fishtail? EVERYONE LOOKS GOOD IN A FISHTAIL. What are you, like, the non-Newtonian fluid of #menswear or some shit? Once you get a cool mod fishtail, it's gonna be real tempting to not get a scooter and scoot around your city. AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS. Only European dudes can really pull off scooter swag. Everyone in America will be like, “LOL why didn’t you just get a motorcycle, you little bitch?” This applies to everyone except New Yorkers, but that’s only because people in New York like to think they’re European. “I shop for vegetable and produce once or twice a weel. It’s a habit I picked up while abroad in Paris,” is something that has most definitely been said by a resident of New (I Wanna Be A Strug Euro) Dork City. I know for a fact that you didn’t cook shit while studying abroad. All you did was try and have sex with Parisian girls, but instead settled on a series of increasingly aggressive handjobs from that chick from Winnipeg.