Fight for Marriage, Family is New Protest Focus

Fight for Marriage, Family is New Protest Focus

by

C.W. Nevius

The crowd in front of City Hall on Thursday
had a different vibe. It was there to watch the arguments before the
state Supreme Court on the constitutional amendment banning same-sex
marriage. There was a big screen television, and the usual cast of
characters showed up - the sign-holders, the costumed and the guys
yelling out the windows of pickup trucks.

But there were others. Kids, couples, families. This debate is
moving, quicker than a lot of people realize, away from political
posturing.

Proposition 8 supporters would disagree with that. But here's some bad news for them.

It is worse than they think. They might think the gay and lesbian
community has been behind the marriage cause all along. In fact, it is
only beginning to unite.

"Ten years ago, this (debate) was about rights and benefits," said
Mike Marshall, a political consultant. "Thursday it was about love,
commitment and family."

Marshall walked through the crowd on Thursday in a happy daze. In
2000, he spearheaded the campaign against Proposition 22, the ballot
initiative that defined marriage in state law - but not the
Constitution - as being between a man and a woman. There was certainly
a core of support for those opposing Prop. 22, but Marshall admits that
he sometimes felt as if he was tilting at windmills.

After all, this was a time when the American public tended to nervously giggle when it was mentioned that someone might be gay.

"The view (among gay and lesbian politicians) was, let's don't fight
this because there is no way in the world we are going to win and we
will look bad," Marshall said.

The idea persisted. In 2004, then-Assemblyman Mark Leno (now a state
senator from San Francisco) introduced a marriage equality bill to the
rousing sound of one hand clapping from the gay and lesbian community.

"Let's just say there was a lack of consensus," Leno said. "The debate within the caucus was, 'Why are we doing this?' "

Again, the point was the concept was a loser, it could only hurt the
cause for legal rights for domestic partners, and in a presidential
election year it might damage Democratic chances. The pushback was so
strong that Leno agreed not to bring the bill to the floor in 2004.

He let the bill expire quietly in committee in February and then
returned to San Francisco. It turned out to be the first weekend of
same-sex marriages in the city.

"And," said Leno, "the world changed."

Leno brought the bill up again in 2005, and it passed both houses.
It was clear that things were starting to turn, even though the
governor vetoed the bill.

Leno remembers talking to a public official, a lesbian, who was among the opponents of his marriage bill.

"The possibility of marriage was so distant to her that until she
saw it happen - same-sex couples were on TV all weekend long - she
couldn't even imagine it," Leno said.

James Hormel, a 76-year-old San Franciscan who is heir to the Hormel
meat packing fortune and a generous donor to the same-sex marriage
cause, lived what used to be a "typical" life for a gay man.

"I actually went through the charade," said Hormel, who is writing a
book about his experiences. "I was married, I had five children. I did
my damndest. There is an undercurrent in the gay community, which is
still there in some cases, of not being worthy."

That's not the case with younger gay men and lesbians.

"The younger generation, the twentysomethings, are very clear," Leno
said. "They want to settle down, have a family and have kids."

It may seem like a subtle shift, but the implications are huge.

"I have a fair number of friends who are parents now," Hormel said.
"Ten years ago, they never would have thought of that. Even five years
ago. It really has moved quickly."

Supporters of same-sex marriage who were handicapping the Supreme
Court oral arguments Thursday were not very optimistic. But, almost as
an afterthought, most said they expected the judges to uphold the
marriages of some 18,000 same-sex couples who were married last year.

Really? Can you imagine that happening back in 2000?

"It is just a foot in the door," Hormel said. "But it is a big foot in the door."

Here's a prediction. Although those 18,000 couples are still
married, the fabric of society will not rupture, heterosexual marriages
will not collapse, and elementary school students will not suddenly
become gay.

In fact, I bet there will be a surprise for all of those who are
still railing against the earth-shaking changes same-sex marriage will
bring to their lives. I bet it doesn't have any effect at all.

Further

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