Journal Entry – 4.28.18

It is 4:30 AM. I’ve been exercising and going to karate a lot recently and when I have a good workout I will always wake up early, it never fails. I really did want to sleep more but then thoughts enter my head as vivid dreams fade away and the day starts.

The winds of change are blowing for me. Of course this made me think of the song “The Winds of Change” by the Scorpions which I’m listening to right now. Usually I prefer silence when I write in the mornings but this morning I’m making a brief exception.

I have an opportunity which I’m currently exploring and in the final stages of. This opportunity excites me and is something that if I passed up I’m sure I would regret so I do have to take a chance and am certain that things will work out very well. When we look back on our lives it is these exciting moments, the risks taken (that worked out!) that can change the course of a life that are worth remembering and are appreciated. If I had not taken the risk in studying abroad, going to work in Japan my own life would look very different and certainly be less interesting.

Right now I’m in my comfort zone and have been for many years. I’ve played it safe but this safety is now feeling more like stagnation. The repetition makes for a dull mind and time is just passing by without much excitement. With this opportunity, I feel energized, motivated and as though I’m making progress. It isn’t set in stone just yet but it should be shortly.

And speaking about living a good life overall I’ve come to realize that quality of a good life is 80% mental and 20% what actually happens. Furthermore, with a good mindset positive things seem to attract, and come to you (The Secret anyone)? It is the mindset which makes life enjoyable regardless of the circumstances. There are those with so much material wealth yet with a poor mindset they do not enjoy their lives. There are also those with very little in the way of material things which enjoy life a great deal. It is good to pay attention to your thoughts, let the negative ones pass through and go on their way while fostering a positive and happy mindset.

As I mentioned above my mindset has become dull, filled with anxiety which never ceases due to the type of work I do. I’m always worried about losing an account, about the numbers decreasing and ultimately lacking financial security should business take a dive. Previous success only sets the bar and expectations higher. The euphoria of a great year quickly fades and we’re on to the next goal and that previous success quickly forgotten.

In other change I’m continuing with my experiment in internet and mobile privacy. I continue to use Firefox with an array of plugins which have taught me that the internet is primarily the greatest tracking mechanism of all kinds. My plugin NoScript catches 10 trackers on just about every website and it is appalling. Yes, they say it is used for “advertising” which of course is true, but it is also true the information is used for many other purposes which the mainstream is quickly catching on to with the Cambridge Analytica debacle. Trust and ‘doing the right thing’ simply hold no water in our times which is unfortunate. Everything we do and all of the information we put out on the internet is also used by authorities, by governments to peer into everyone’s lives and it is as though we have absolutely no control. The world of 1984 seems quaint to the amount of surveillance going on today and it is astounding to realize that we’re just giving our privacy away through constant updates on social media. Privacy is absolutely dead and my little effort here is my way of regaining control, of trying to shut the blinds to an absolute crowd of peepers who want to use my life for their own benefit.

The time is now 5:00 AM and I am feeling a little sleepy. Now is the time when I decide to either get a workout in or go back to sleep. Both have the opportunity to win but usually, even if I try to go back to sleep I cannot stop all the thoughts coming into my brain and after 30 minutes of trying to fall asleep will get up anyway.

Seeing as it is Saturday I do have the morning free followed by karate practice. The 2018 Fighter’s Cup is only a week away and the fear and anxiety of it are slowly giving way to confidence. I am not afraid of a fight but I am afraid of the stamina portion of it. Yesterday we did some conditioning drills where you keep punching and kicking for two minutes. It is exhausting and then you take a rest and punch for another minute. The energy quickly drains, you feel like you want to die but you have to keep going. Then you get another break as you feel you can go no more but then have to fight a couple of times. Yesterday, I was completely drained and my mind was telling me to skip the next class and go home which was fight class. After a little rest we did end up staying and I fought two more times.

Today in class I imagine we’ll do conditioning drills and skip the fights (which we never skip) so as to avoid any injuries for the Fighter’s Cup. I learned that there are only three people in my bracket and I think I know who they are: there is Joe the (scary old man) who looks like someone you really don’t want to fight. In preparation I’ve watched a few of his videos and see that he too gets tired and cannot use his power for too long. Then there is a tough looking guy from Kyokushin in Las Vegas who also looks like someone you really don’t want to fight. Regardless, I have confidence I can win both of my fights so long as my stamina holds out. The problem is that I do not have much stamina so I need to be strategic and not just go barging in punching and kicking as fast as I can which would drain my energy. With so many people watching and for my own pride I cannot lose these fights and do not intend to.