Hot Off The Toilet

I would’ve crapped my pants if I had enough power to propel my poo through the toilet and into my pants which were lying around my ankles while reading this month’s edition of Inside Tennis. If you look on the left page you’ll see an ad for the Bryan brothers and their new (*ha!*) band. I’m sure you can all guesstimate how rockin’ two white doubles tennis players are. On the scale of most bitchin’ I’m sure they lie somewhere between Graf Orlock and Kowloon Walled City. Don’t believe me? Check out this awesome video . Apparently 25 seconds is all the camera man could take, and I really don’t blame him. Those jams were so groovy, how could one not put down the camera and let the music move you? And the ad for their band makes them look like the Mervyn’s (R.I.P.) catalogue boys they are. They’re standing on a tennis court, and it’s all cracked with weeds coming up and shit. You can’t play on that! You guys are fucking crazy! And they’re wearing all black n’ shit. I wouldn’t fuck with these guys if I ran into ’em at Crate and Barrel on a Sunday afternoon after my church’s potluck, that’s for damn show.

In other boring ass news, the Williams brothers bought a piece of the Me-Ah-Me Dolphins. I don’t watch football as I haven’t had a lobotomy yet, but I’m sure this is news to someone.