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I have seen several posts about how important both being spontaneous and getting consent. I read many posts about how many things would never have been accomplished with prior consent or the element of surprise. I have mixed feelings about this. How do people strike a balance adventure and permission. B Both these thing are of the utmost importance in my opinion but they seem polar opposites. I am interested in any questions, comments or stories on the matter. Thanks

This is where the idea of a safe word comes in. Where things are completely open and acceptable but if something happens where the other does not like, then the safe word can put an end to it.

Permission is most ideal beforehand. But this permission might be given long before hand. Like a guy saying he'd love to be deep throated to his SO then several months down the line she is able to do it. Ofcourse jf he chose he did not want it then he can always stop it. Consent is having the choice to continue an action. But it is also built on trust and communication.

Yes to all this. Also, you can ask about something new during sex in a sexy way that adds to the spontaneity instead of killing it.

So, for example, you grab his wrists above his head, look him in the eye, and say, "I want to tie you to this bed and put my cunt on your mouth until you're choking on it," and you wait for his "Fuck yes" before you do exactly that. You do this when you've already established a safe word, and you've already talked at least in more general terms about control and domination during sex. And if he looks hesitant instead of giving you a "Fuck yes," you smile and say, "But not today," and instead do something you know feels safe to him. But if you get that "Fuck yes," then you proceed with the adventure knowing that you both feel spontaneous and safe.

I'm going to be lazy and just copy this over from another response I made to another thread...

Do remember that human courtship predates all language. And they were not "raping" the female much of the time...they were honestly winning her over and bringing her to arousal. While seeking explicit verbal consent with a new partner is a really good idea, it is often unnecessary with an established partner. Please note that this doesn't mean consent isn't given. It just becomes non-verbal. You both love and trust each other, so you can go with the flow and move from hugging... to kissing... to petting... to foreplay (technically its all foreplay)... to sex.

And the thing is, doing it that way actually makes most women feel more desirable. And it also brings them to arousal in instances when "Do you want to have sex?" (which puts them on the spot) might normally be answered with "I don't know" or maybe even a "no". Note this is not in any way forcing a partner. You simply progress if and only if your well established partner responds favorably.