See, the Texas state penitentiary and the death house are both in Huntsville. Apparently, being in that neck of the Texas woods reminds my friend of…me. I’m hoping she thought of me because of my line of work and not because she expects to see me there anytime soon….

Okay, so this was a third person, said to a second person, about something the first person (me) had been involved in.

“If they’re still holding the menu, leave them the fuck alone.”

Hehehehe…there was a whole dust-up on Facebook about my bitching about a crappy waitress I had in Peo – oops – in another town recently. I mentioned how bad she was and a friend went off the deep end defending wait staff of all kinds, not just shitty ones. Then some other people said something and then I said something and then it was a whole ‘poopy-storm.’

“It feels funny to hug you when you have all this stuff on. You’re just so hard, and everywhere I move my hands there’s something sticking up.”

Said to me by a friend who was trying to give me a quick hug when I got back in town, but while I was on duty (thus wearing a vest with a hard breastplate and my belt chock full-o-police goodies). About halfway through the comment, she went bright red and her voice sort of faded away. I’m pretty sure I thought it was funnier than she did.

Overheard by a friend while shopping at Victoria’s Secret. Even though I didn’t hear this, I had to post it. That’s just too funny. First that there is such underwear…the Captain Jack Sparrow Thong, no doubt…and second that a woman was that particular about coverage. Standards, baby, we should all have ’em.