Jets Mark Sanchez Couldn’t Possibly be Dating Kate Upton

I don’t care what the gossipers are saying, I just don’t believe it. New York Jets passer Mark Sanchez, who has made a career out of being an average quarterback with the benefit of New York media building him up, cannot possibly be dating the walking, talking and dougie-ing embodiment of gorgeousness we know as Kate Upton.

No. Way.

First let’s analyze the matter using visuals.

This is Kate Upton:

This is Mark Sanchez:

Again, Kate Upton:

And, again, Mark Sanchez:

Need I say more? Trust me, 98 out 100 scientists agree that there is no way Sanchez could pull this girl.

Look, I’m not saying that Sanchez can’t get the ladies by virtue of his natural getting-lucky-in-the-postseason charm. I’m sure that, despite the fact that his own coach hates him, he has the girls jumping and whatnot. Just not Upton. She’s too good for him.

Plus the evidence of this alleged love match is circumstantial, at best.

“Sanchez was even seen in Upton’s building lobby carrying gifts for her after he attended a charity event early last month. On another occasion, Sanchez was spotted coming into the building with bags a minute or two after Upton arrived.”

Come on. Sanchez can’t even deliver passes to the right team half the time, what makes anyone believe that he’s delivering gifts to the right building?

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“They never come in together. He’s always five steps after her,” our source told us, adding that Sanchez often hides under a woolly hat.”

Textbook stalker behavior.

“The Jets QB has been linked to a string of beauties since he arrived here two years ago… In January, he reportedly wooed Eliza Kruger, then 17, after meeting her at Lavo.”

Now that I can believe. Since he’s not really dating Upton, maybe Sanchez and this guy could go out together? Just a suggestion.