CHIMPANZEE CAGE, London Zoo: The former president of the Democratic Republic of Congas, Sir Donkey "Barrel-Chucker" Kong was found writing anti-war messages with a stick in his own poop.
The message he wrote read: "Saddam is not guilty, Mario is. Kill him instead!". Whether this is Mr. Kong's true feelings or not remains to be seen.

The Rock, the spokesman for animal rights group The WWF, announced that he would, "See Kong in the ring", to prove that "son-of-a-bitch" wrong. This later become the analogy, "Kong of the Wrong".

Diego "Super" Mario,VGCFRIMHS (Video Game Characters For ReIntroduction of Monkey-Hunting Season) later told our reporter that, "This-a chimp, he only wants-a to see me-a dead. He kid-a-napped my girlfriend, and took-a her away. I didn't beat-a him up that much, I only got an AS-a-BO." Mr. Mario then went on to say, "This is such a blatant-a assault on my dig-a-nity. It's-a horrifying!", before a-sobbing into his dinner of mushroom soup.

Saddam "Sonic"Hussein was unavailable for comment, with a message on his prison door simply stating, George W. Robotnik is at it again.