Consequences for Toddlers: Fast Ways to Stop Bad Behavior

What's the best way to handle a naughty toddler? These two discipline techniques can help you deal with most of your toddler's misbehavior.

When the troublemaker in your toddler insists on misbehaving even after you give her chance after chance to behave, you may need to start instituting some consequences. The good news: If there are immediate and real consequences for bad behavior, your toddler — even at this young age — will quickly start to realize that naughtiness does not pay off. So whichever toddler-discipline approach you choose — positive reinforcement or consequences — act swiftly. Here are two tried-and-true options to consider when doling out consequences:

A sentence that fits the crime. A common (and basic) toddler-discipline technique you may want to try first is to take away a privilege that's related to your little devil's offense. And make sure the consequence comes quickly — after all, you want to make sure your child connects the crime with the consequence so she learns from the experience. That means you don't want to deprive your toddler of dessert in the evening for an unrelated infraction (like taking her brother's coloring book) that happened in the morning. By the time supper rolls around, both the infraction and its looming consequence might have been forgotten — which means you'll have to endure a fresh set of tears when your child suddenly remembers it's no-ice-cream-for-you-young-lady night.

Instead, right after your tot takes her brother's coloring book, immediately take the book away from your toddler, and take away her crayons for a limited period of time to boot. Once you get the hang of this toddler-discipline tactic, you'll be surprised by how easy it is to master. For instance, if your tot won't stop pouring water out of the tub, bathtime (and bath-time play) is over — immediately. If she throws her food, whisk her out of the high chair and call it a meal. If you're able to see a link between the rules your kid breaks and a consequence she won't like, go for it.

Time-outs. One of the most used (and sometimes overused) toddler-discipline techniques is the good old time-out — and even at this young age, your child should be ready to start learning from it. The theory behind time-outs is that they allow a child to cool off and get back in control after misbehaving. Plus, it has the added benefit of depriving an attention-loving toddler (and what toddler isn't attention loving?) of attention. What's more, it can be easily modified to suit both a child's maturity level — as well as the offensiveness of the particular crime — by making it longer or shorter. Still, the time-out isn't perfect. It works at home or on the playground but not so much in, say, the car, or at the grocery store. And without a modicum of cooperation from your child, time-outs can be hard to enforce. Here's how to make them work:

Choose an appropriate time-out spot. Pick a place that's safe, away from toys and distracting activities, and within your view. Don't use your child's crib or room as a time-out spot because you want your child to have only positive associations with those places.

Act, don't talk. Saying, "If you don't stop jumping on the couch, I'm going to give you a time-out; I really mean it, stop right now or it's a time-out for you, you know you hate time-outs," means nothing to a toddler. Instead, give your toddler one warning to stop what she's doing (you could even count to three or so — but not, you know, 100! — to give her a chance to stop). If she doesn't obey, swoop in, speak minimally and follow through with the time-out. Escort her to her time-out spot, where she should sit in silence until you "release" her.

Don't cave. If you said one minute in the corner of the living room, stick to it. Set a timer so that both you and your toddler know the clock is ticking. If your child puts up a fuss, gets up from her chair or moves from the corner, calmly return her to her time-out spot and reset the clock. You may need to repeat this process several times before your toddler figures out that you're not budging.

Modify the time-out spot if needed. If you're not at home, it can be trickier to make time-outs work, but it is possible:

At the playground. The time-out means your child sits next to you, while you sit quietly with her for the duration. Think that doesn't seem like much of a punishment? Think again. Sitting on a bench with a boring grown-up while happy children frolic all around will probably make her think twice before throwing sticks again.

In the car. A time-out becomes Quiet Time. You may need some deep, cleansing breaths to help you through this one, but do not turn around and do not speak till time's up — even if your misbehaving tot is throwing a fit in the backseat. True, she won't exactly be following the rules of the time-out if she's screaming at the top of her lungs, but she also won't be getting any attention from you in the meantime — which can be consequence enough.

At a friend's house. You can remove your toddler to a different room if you like, but stay with her (being locked away in unfamiliar surroundings is very scary for kids this age and pushes the time-out too far). While in the room, sit with your little rebel in silence.

Anywhere. For drastic circumstances, simply pack it up and go home. This functions as an Extreme Time-Out — save it for serious infractions like biting, hitting or running in the street. It will make quite an impression.

No matter what you choose to do when your child misbehaves, be sure to explain to her why she's getting a consequence. That's how she'll learn (you hope!) what not to do. And remember, when it comes to toddler discipline, there are as many effective consequences as there are toddlers. It's a parent's endless challenge to find what works best for her and her child at any given time.

Then, once you do figure out an effective toddler-discipline strategy, stick with it! Consistency is key. Without it, you'll send your child a mixed message, which will confuse her or encourage her to push your limits to see what she can get away with next time. So, if you give a consequence on Monday because your little gymnast is jumping on the couch, don't ignore her split leap off the sofa on Wednesday. And make sure your spouse knows the rules, too, and is prepared to enforce them. For toddler discipline to work, everyone has got to get on board.

From the What to Expect editorial team and Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect the Second Year. Health information on this site is based on peer-reviewed medical journals and highly respected health organizations and institutions including ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists), CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) and AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics), as well as the What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff.