Does eHarmony Really Work to Find Love?

You’ve probably seen the eHarmony guy on TV talking about all of the successful people his website has matched up since it started back in the late 1990’s. He’s pretty convincing and the service sounds interesting, but does it actually work?

Overview Computer dating goes back to the 1960’s and really took off with the rise of the Internet. Most dating sites before eHarmony used a simple system of showing a users profile and their interests and whatever else they wanted to include in their bio. It was then up to other users to browse through the available people and decipher which ones would make a good mate, or at least a good match.

The Claim You can find the love of your life by completing the eHarmony questionnaire and trusting in their patented software and its 29 dimensions of compatibility to match you up with the right person.

The Hype The hype comes in the form of the television commercials showing what is reported to be actual couples that met using eHarmony.

What isn’t shown is the overwhelming majority of users who didn’t find their true love using eHarmony. With any product or service it’s easy to find outliers that have had an extraordinary experience. A favorite tactic for advertising executives is to portray these exceptions to the rule as the ordinary experience a typical user will have.

The Cost eHarmony is free to sign up and often runs promotions where it’s free to talk to your matches. What they’d really like to see is you sign up for their service at $19.95 a month or so if you get it on special. They’d also be happy if you bought someone you know a gift membership for just $12.95 if you buy an entire year’s worth.

The only question is why would you buy someone a year’s worth of eHarmony, or stay on longer than a month if their software is supposed to be so effective? This seems counter-intuitive and leads to an obvious flaw in their system. They proclaim that their profiling system is so in-depth that it consistently makes excellent matches. If this were true then they’d have to charge far more than they do because each person would sign up, take the profile test, find the love of their life and cancel their membership.

The Commitment

You have to complete their rather lengthy questionnaire that asks you all sorts of personal questions, including your religious beliefs and income level. After that you’ll be required to sort through what eHarmony decides are those men or women that fit your profile. You’ll then need pay if you’d like to take things further. Once successful payment has been made you’ll need to hit it off with them online and arrange to meet in real life to see if you’re truly simpatico.

Evaluation eHarmony is a direct competitor with other dating sites like Match and Plenty of Fish. Their gimmick is that they use their software to do the matching for you, rather than you having to go through and pick people out according to sometimes arbitrary features such as looks or age.

It sounds good in theory, and if you’re willing to go through the questions, review the matches, pay the monthly fee, chat with your matches, and meet up with them to see if you click, then it might work for you.

Final eHarmony Review: Is It Better then Other Dating Sites?

eHarmony may have a slight edge by providing you choices that are matched at a deeper level than looks, age, or income. If you’re going out with someone based on deeply held beliefs that they have in common with you, there might be a stronger chance at hitting it off for the long term.

When compared to other dating methods, such as blind dates, or trying to give a go at it offline it seems to be a better method.

At the bottom of all of this lies your intentions. If you are not interested in a long-term romance then it’s probably not a good idea for you, as you’ll consistently run into people that are looking to settle down with that special someone and either get married, have kids or both. If this is in line with what you’re after it will probably increase the effectiveness of the site.

Our Recommendation Since it’s free to try eHarmony and review your matches it only makes sense to give it a try. The worst that can happen is that you’ll waste some time filling out the questionnaire and you won’t be pleased with any of the resulting matches. The best that can happen is you find someone you’re totally compatible with and spend a lifetime of happiness with.

Any time the potential rewards greatly outweigh the potential risks, always go for it. You may look back one day and laugh that you fretted about spending $19.95 a month to find your true love.

I’m a member over at eHarmony since 3 months ago and as yet haven’t found anybody suitable. The matching system can throw up some good suggestions but software can only do so much. Yes you may have the same interests, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get on with that person. I’ll continue my search for a partner.

I met my current husband of 4 yrs on E.Harmony back in November of 2006. E.Harmony will find you a good partner who more than likely will want to be serious and settle down, but the two of you may be so much alike that you may cancel each other out – lol – which I am finding out the hard way now. We are about to separate because we can’t seem to get ourselves out of the emotional whole we’ve dug… the blind leading the blind. Not good.

I’ve been on E-harmony for 8 weeks now. Perhaps it’s too early to make this comment, but I haven’t have any success yet. The 7 matches that I get everyday day doesn’t seem to be enough. Dating is a numbers game… I feel like the women on this site are encouraged to look for that “Mr. Perfect”, and immediately close off anything else that is less perfection.

Personally, I’m not a bad looking guy. I admit, I’m not George Clooney, but I would consider myself to be fairly good looking, with a very athletic body. I’m a family man, with a great sense of humour, who’s very honest and loyal to my family and friends. I’m not looking for ms. perfect myself, but it really feels like the women on this site are looking for that mr. perfect! I believe a lot of the articles within e-harmony reinforce that desire to attain the perfect mate… It’s quite sad, because nobody is perfect… x Chris

You seem like a really nice guy. I hope you were successful! I know what you mean – I’m a great, attractive sensual loyal honest funny MODEST person but am carrying an extra 10 pounds (not 100!) and you would think I’m a leper for being honest!

I had something happen on several of these sites including this one and I had to comment. You said you would have to be a leper for being honest about 10 extra pounds. I get that and I am only 148 and nice small curves. I get guys asking me what my BMI that is Body Mass Index in case you didn’t know. I did a little experiment and came to the conclusion that it is a psychological thing when someone goes on the internet, they already have a crazy laundry-list of what they want and they are usually bitter and twisted before they get on it. So the moment you say anything that falls outside their little box of reality you are an outsider. Don’t feel bad it is a world of weeds but a few roses here and there

I tried to sign up for eHarmony. I was told that, after filling out the questionnaire, that I could not even join their site based on my answers. I was shocked and upset. Everyone should get a chance to find true love without being judged unfairly by a questionnaire. I have a feeling that it is because I am an introvert, partly. I have good morals and values. I am a good person and a kind person, and a Christian who accepts people of other faiths. But the questionnaire apparently thinks that there is something wrong with me. This site is discriminatory.

I have been on and off this website since my divorce in 1999. I do not like the fact that they match you with those who are so extremely similar to you. I want someone who is a compliment to me, not a cookie cutter of me. To match an introvert up with other introverts is a disaster looking for a place to happen. They need to re-evaluate the psychology behind what they believe makes for a good match. I have invested way too much money into the promise of “love” on this particular arena. I also don’t like it that there are such huge dry spells in the matching, and then as soon as your financial commitment comes due, they send you a deluge of suitable matches that they couldn’t have sent you earlier. I think it’s a money making machine that plays up on the hopes and dreams of others. I am very sad.

Yes yes yes I am so glad someone confirmed the deluge theory hahaha! I knew I wasn’t crazy! I threw it in their face after I left them flat and they had no comeback. It is dishonest to me. I am on POF and Evow and they are free. Just as good. And I have been on match as well, gonna review them next. I have dated one guy who dumped me over the phone after he had enough fun and that was nine months ago. Nothing but that for two years. Here is something else I found, guys asking for your BMI in their profile so yeah I can agree with the other two gentleman that people, not just girls are looking for Ms perfect.

I question how the matching is done as well. I had no interest trying online dating, but a friend kept nagging me about it. I felt like it took hours to fill out the questionnaire and some of the questions just seemed way too personal!!! Anyway, I received my “free” matches, but didn’t contact any of them. Half were from different states and I’m not into long distance dating. The ones from this state and the state next to me, I questioned how we were matched. For example, I am a heavy person and flying is something I try to avoid. One of the matches was with a pilot! I have no idea of what we supposedly had to common. I’m sure eHarmony and other similar dating websites have helped a lot of people. I guess if I were to fall in love, I want it the old fashion way…

Most of us are nagged into it but I also date a specialized group that I am used to so it is hard to just bump into one on the street and I hate bars and clubs too. E Harmony has a lot of nerve though claiming to be somewhat Christian based and then rejecting people for being honest on the questioner then leaving obvious liars on there to aggravate the rest of us.

Match is a good site, and I know there has been plenty of people to find success using the site. But, it is just not right for me. I do not like the matches that are sent to me each day. I would prefer to be able to look for my own finds, too. The matches that were sent to me were not people that I was interested in and I am really not sure how their scientific matchup worked to find me these matches. I guess there are other sites for that. The customer service at Match.com is amazing and they are always there and quick to respond to all of your needs and inquiries.

I am currently going through a divorce and not necessary even thinking about finding someone else at this point, but eHarmony is a site that I might consider in the future. I would definitely choose a Christian-based site over any others and I have a friend who found the love of her life through e-Harmony. Not sure I’d pay to find love, though. Guess I’ll see how it goes…

Yes, the questionaire is a pain in the butt. Yes, they don’t accept 20% of the people that take the questionaire (esp. if you’ve been divorced four or more times, but they’ll tell you after several questions). Yes, the service is the most expensive out there for a dating site (the only other exception being a matchmaking service). While I received timely feedback from eH regarding a profile rewrite, the main issue I had was the lack of responses from other subscribers/members. The majority of my matches haven’t been active in over a month (eH doesn’t tell you how many days/weeks/months the member logged on last); you have to work under the assumption that if they haven’t logged on in a month, they’re most likely inactive and didn’t remove their profile.

The touted “new and improved look” takes a while to load and the entire UI just seems clunky. To remove (aka close out) someone, you have to hide them (so they’re not on your main page) then close them. It shoudn’t have to take two actions to simply remove someone; should be a one-click action like deleteing an email. The articles and their facebook presence is good, but I’m sick of all the “success story” people saying how wonderful eH is…makes me want to puke.

Like any other dating site, if you’re attractive and don’t have children, your chances of meeting someone are good. I just don’t have the house, $$ or job to attract someone ::shrugs:: or at least not a real woman.