Guardian decides not to publish everyone's Incognito browsing history after all

The world let out an enormous sigh of relief today as Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger announced publicly that the paper has decided against publishing everyone's browsing history on Google Chrome's Incognito mode due to lack of paper. The top secret document was leaked to the Guardian by former NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden along with other, less important information on the US and UK government's mass surveillance programmes.

Rusbridger also assured the crowd of worried husbands and boyfriends that have gathered outside his house that they can go now home and get some sleep. One crowd member responded to the news by saying 'No, I'm not part of the protest, I was just walking past. I've never used it anyway, whatever it is'.

However, Snowden urges the public not to forget how our right to privacy has been violated despite their relief and said of the files themselves that "I have only read the first 4 million pages, but its not pretty. Some people, especially Dennis Peterson from Maidenhead, really need to have a long hard look at themselves."

Keith Alexander of the NSA said "I personally had never heard of the function and am at a loss in thinking what its for. But this just highlights the need for Snowden to be brought to justice before he ruins it for all of us". When asked whether US citizens have the right to use the internet unmonitored he responded by simply saying "Who cares? This man is dangerous!"

The ordeal has raised many issues in the head offices of Google itself, creating tension between the company and the US government. Head of Google, Larry page said this morning: "Incog-what? I didn't even know we did that, what's it for?"