Slowly a feeling of frustration begins to
develop in me. Within myself I feel confident. I have faith in Mother too. Still, if
nothing moves for weeks and months and years, the faith gives way. I am afraid I have to
settle down as a teacher in a Polytechnic for life. If that is so, it will be a
misfortune. That will bring down to dust all the high hopes with which I entered the
Engineering College, worked hard, maintained it to achieve First Class all five years
without fail. Also your silence is intriguing to me. I wish you throw some light on my
situation, said the young engineer who called on me that day.

What he said was true, but that is not the whole
truth. As the job situation in the country for engineers had become bleak and was showing
signs of worsening, those engineering graduates who had managed to get some placement or
other (like this young man in a polytechnic teaching post) considered themselves lucky but
were dismayed by the prospects. I did not have much of an encouraging impact on him, but I
knew, in his case, that this was not the end. I wanted to be clear about his future, but
brief. I said, I understand your mind and your dejection. But there is one more
element in your case and that is the fact that you had Darshan of Mother last year.
Ordinarily Mothers Darshan or a visit to the Samadhi would have an
immediate effect. For some reason, in your case, it has not happened. I know that Mother
acts swiftly, but if She delays, She has Her own reasons. When it is all over, you will
realise that the delay is only for good.He
was reassured to some extent, but was not cheered up to his normal level of infectious
cheerfulness.

He is a brilliant young man. The one striking aspect
of his personality is that he is always found laughing. He generally begins a conversation
with laughter. He comes from a very respectable family that has been reduced to hard work.
His father was a leader among men during his young days, when the family was flourishing.
Later, adversity overtook the family. Everything was lost except the high qualities
acquired during days of affluence. Six children in the family, one after the other, died
before they reached the age of ten. The only surviving child was this engineer, who
received in his upbringing all the affection due to the dead children. As the father was
not affluent, the normal course would be to terminate his education at the 8th
standard and begin helping the father in his profession. But the child wanted to read, and
the father also felt he should study. In spite of poverty, the father was held in great
respect among the family members spread over several villages. More than one young man in
the family circle had been initiated into life by his father, and all of them were
somewhat affluent. They remained grateful to the old man who had put them on their feet.
So, the boy was sent to one of his uncles for high school education.

The boy deserved this support. Without fail, during
all the three years he was in high school, he secured very high marks, often standing
first in the school. In the SSLC exam he secured over 400 marks. He had cherished
ambitions about higher education, particularly as an engineer. He spoke to his father. The
father had Rs.500 saved over a period of many years, and in future he could not save much
more. It was very kind of his uncle to have educated him for three years. To expect any
further help, especially for higher education at Madras, was not possible. In consultation
with me, he decided to join a polytechnic with the money on hand. And if he won a
scholarship, he could finish the three years successfully. That was the best course open
to him. His uncle accompanied him when he was asked to appear for an interview at the
polytechnic at Chidambaram. While waiting for their turn, the students exchanged
information. Everyone who met this boy, on learning about his high score at the SSLC exam,
remarked in passing, If I had this score, I wouldnt join the
polytechnic.The uncle, who was
listening to these stray conversations, suddenly decided that his nephew deserved a
college education and, come what may, he must provide it. He suggested to the boy that it
was better to drop the idea of joining polytechnic and take up the idea of joining a
college. The boy cheerfully consented and ended up in Loyola College. He passed PUC
in first class. His uncles enthusiasm continued. The boy joined Engineering College.
He maintained the high academic performance of securing a first class. He won a
scholarship every year. His uncle made up any gap between the real expenses and
scholarship amount. It was a misfortune that on his leaving the College he found the job
market bleak. Jobs were scarce and no one would consider him. One of the employers the boy
approached offered him a job at Rs.100. This is worse than not having a job, adding insult
to injury.

Ever since the boy came to the town for high school
education, I knew him and had a share in his life as his teacher. He used to consult me on
all major decisions of his life. Now it was a bleak period. He was running for a year to
every possible opportunity of a job without success. It was at this time that he visited
the Ashram with me and felt the ocean of peace that is Mother. He once said, When I
prostrate before Mother, my being is filled with joy and peace. Often I used to feel that
I should continue to prostrate before Her for a longer time.With heroic effort, he succeeded in getting
appointed as a lecturer in a polytechnic at Madurai. This was a great relief but not a
permanent solution for someone with his qualifications. He was in Madurai for a year and
continuing to search for a better job. That search yielded no results. There was no hope
of any future results. It was at that time he came to me and expressed the frustration
mentioned earlier. I knew that better things were in store for him. Mother delays with a
purpose. But my understanding was no solace for his position.

He returned after a few weeks and appeared full of
news. He sat down as if he had swallowed something which bothered him. He began saying
that he had some very good news but was doubtful of the entire report he was going to give
and said that my opinion on the matter would decide the issue. I was happy and anxious to
know the news. He said, My uncle is in the dyeing trade. One of his customers is in
Salem. Occasionally this man comes to this depot in Cuddalore OT. My uncle has long trade
connections with him, but there is no particular friendship or intimacy. Today my uncle as
usual went to OT to collect the dyes. Mr. Mudaliar from Salem had come there. He called my
uncle over and said, Do you know of any of our boys with an engineering degree? My
friend is starting a company in Madras with French technology. I am a director of the
company. The company is sending six engineers to Paris for training. The Managing Director
has allotted one such job to me. The only condition is that candidate should have first
class in Mechanical Engineering. I wish to offer the opportunity to one of my relatives.
Though I have made money, there is no boy with that kind of education among my relatives.
If you can get me any boy of that description from our people, I would happily appoint
him. My uncle answered, There is one in my house fully meeting the
requirements. I shall bring him to you at Salem.

The boy told me, My uncle is unable to believe
this, nor can I. Of course, there is nothing here for me to lose, but it is hard to
believe. My uncle and I felt we should take your advice.In reply I said, Always it is hard to
believe things when they come from Mother. As you speak, I see Mothers light on your
face. This is truly Grace. Accept it with gratitude to Mother.

Walter, a 65 year old American businessman, first came
to India in 1972 to visit his son and daughter-in-law who had come a year earlier to join
the Sri Aurobindo Ashram.

In 1956 W and his family were living in a house about
20 miles north of New York City. The house had a large yard and a driveway about 150 feet
long going from the street to the garage, which was at the back of the house. One night
during the winter there was a heavy snowfall. The next morning all the roads were
completely covered with snow. The city sent ploughs around to clear the roads as was their
custom. W and his family went out early to shovel the snow off the driveway so that he
could take the car out and drive to work. While W was lifting a heavy shovelful of snow,
suddenly he felt a sharp, intense pain in the middle of his back and he fell over on his
stomach into the snow. His family rushed to him and carried him into the house to his bed.
He was moaning in unbearable pain and could barely move without crying out. A doctor was
called to the house and gave medication so that W could sleep. Later he was taken to the
hospital and underwent intensive examination.The
doctors discovered that one of the disks in his spinal cord had slipped out of line and
was pressing on the spinal nerve. They operated to correct the injury. After that W had to
remain in bed for 6 months at home. Frequently his family would awake in the night hearing
him cry in pain.

After six months the doctors said he could return to
work but for the rest of his life he would have to wear a large girdle 18 inches wide
wrapped around his waist. The girdle was fitted with long flat metal rods in the back to
hold his back firmly in place. For 18 years W had worn the girdle. Once or twice he tried
to live without it for a day or two and immediately the pain would return.

W first visited the Ashram in 1972. At that time his
son invited him to have the Darshan of Mother in
Her room, but W declined. Again W visited Pondicherry in 1973 and again his son asked him
if he would like to see Mother. W said to his son, You know I dont believe in
all this religion and spirituality business. I have never bowed before anyone in my life
and I am not about to do so now.His
son replied, No one said you have to bow to Mother if you dont want to. You
can behave exactly as you please.Finally
W decided to see Mother. He was taken to Her room and Mother was very happy to see him.
Without even thinking, W went down on his knees before Mother and She held his hand for
several minutes.

When W came downstairs from Mothers room, his
face was bright red and he was glowing with a big smile. He went up to his son and said,
You never told me it would be like this. There is nothing else you can do except
kneel before Mother. When She looked in my eyes I felt my heart swelling so big that I was
afraid my chest would burst.

Again in 1974 W came to the Ashram and stayed in a
guest house with his son for two weeks. One night W had a dream that he was standing in
the Ashram surrounded by a crowd of people and he was presented a special medal or award.
The next morning he forgot the dream, but a few hours later an Ashramite came and gave him
a present. It was a silver pin with the symbol of Sri Aurobindo. The man explained that
Mother herself had worn this pin on her head dress many times. Suddenly W remembered his
dream and he was overcome with emotion and could not even speak to thank the man for 15 or
20 minutes.

A few days later, Ws son noticed that his father
wasnt wearing his girdle. In reply to his sons enquiry, W said he felt so
relaxed and peaceful that he wanted to remove it for a day or two and see what happened.
The old pain did not return and so he stopped wearing the girdle for the rest of his
visit. When he returned to the USA, Ws wife was amazed to find her husband without
his girdle on. Still W did not put it on and the pain did not return. Now W is 73 years
old. He is retired and works very actively in his garden growing flowers and trees. He has
never worn the girdle for a single day in the last 9 years.

He is a small landholder owning six acres of dry land.
After years of hard work, he had earned this property. Along with that, his status had
also grown in the village. He was one of the important leaders of the village though he
was only middle aged. He took an active part in politics too. Any government scheme that
came to the village would seek his cooperation for implementation. With the progress of
the nation, his village too received the benefits of education, roads, electricity, bank
aid, and the cooperative movement. He was also an important beneficiary of all these
schemes. During these years of progress, his dry lands received electricity, a borewell,
crop loans, hybrid seeds, etc. He was a rising star of the village, but with a small base,
often shaky because of the uncertainties of agricultural life.

One year circumstances were very favourable. He
received government loans in time to raise crops. He could cultivate all his six acres in
the primary season for groundnut, but the price was not helpful. So his great hopes of
paying off some of his old loans remained unfulfilled. For the second season of groundnut,
not many villagers would take the risk as pests would be virulent during this season and
water supply would not be fully assured. Only those assured of all resources and capable
of taking risks would cultivate groundnut in the second season, which extended into the
peak of summer. As the prices during this lean season were always attractive, the season
retained its charm for the farmers.

This farmer went for groundnut in the second season.
He could do that because he was assured of water supply from his borewell. Favoured by
conducive circumstances, he was again able to cultivate all the six acres. The crop was
good. Luckily there was no pest. If only the customary high price of this off-season were
available, he could turn a corner in his life. In that sense this crop was a deciding one.
If all went well, his rising position in the village would become an accomplished fact.
Otherwise he could slide down and all his energies would go to keep him from sliding down.
Just when every circumstance was favourable, his borewell failed to supply water after the
bottom of the hole became stuck with claypreventing
water from being pumped out. Normally this could be repaired in a month or six weeks, if
everything went well.

This was the peak of summer in the month of May. Soil
dries up in minutes after watering due to the heat. During such emergencies, the adjacent
farmers used to help save the situation. Unfortunately for him, in his area all lands were
dry. He was the only one who owned and operated a borewell. The situation was bleak. An
excellent crop was now to wilt before the very eyes of the owner. Indeed, it was a
pathetic situation. There was nothing for the farmer to do, not even a line of hope for
thought.

Around 10 p.m. this man with this background presented
himself at my house, having travelled from his village. His face was dark and sullen,
expression pitiable. Before narrating all these details to me, he prefaced it saying,
My hopes were great till yesterday. Now they are dashed to pieces. I feel stung.
Life is merciless. No one is in a position to offer me even words of consolation. My heart
is heavy. Please be patient with me and let me explain my plight. I may feel somewhat
unburdened, if you listen.

He spoke. I listened. He went over every little detail
of his misfortune with animation, speaking in a choked voice. When he finished, I noticed
he was no longer pitiable, or sorrow-laden. He was somewhat relaxed. Perhaps he had found
some relief in speaking. I spoke in turn, inspiring confidence in him. I said as he was a
hard-working person and had done meticulously everything he could do in his power, his
crop would not wilt. He was intrigued and listened intently. I repeated that God helped
those who helped themselves, and he was one like that. It was a riddle to him, but his
eyes began to sparkle with a trace of hope.

He had heard of the Ashram but never visited the Samadhi
nor did he know of Mother and Her personality. I mentioned in one brief sentence,
Your crop is sure to be saved if you pray to Mother.All that he had to do was not to exercise his
mind how it would be saved. I told him to go to the Samadhi and pray that his crops
must be saved. He endorsed my suggestion wholeheartedly and vigorously. I saw his grief
vanish and that meant to me that his crops would certainly be saved.

The next night it rained. It was a good rain. His
crops would be saved, if only that rain extended to the village. I felt that the rain had
come to save his crop and extended itself up to my place.

Ten days later he came with a beaming face twice in
size. He said, Your words put strength in me. I had no question in my mind. I felt I
was lifted out of depression. Straight from here I went home and then left for
Pondicherry. I scarcely knew which bus I took or who was by my side. There was only one
thought in my mind. It was my crops future. I reached the Ashram and went to the Samadhi.
That was the first visit for me. I did not know what to do. I stood nearby and voiced a
prayer. I forgot myself. I dont know what words I uttered. My body was still and
mind disappeared. I dont know how long I remained there like that. When I came to
myself, I saw people meditating around. There were flowers on the Samadhi. I felt
extremely peaceful, relieved and relaxed. Slowly I walked away. Until I reached home
again, I was in a kind of daze. In my condition, I forgot the crop too. The next night it
rained. It poured and poured non-stop. My heart was filled with gratitude. I offered
Mother deeply-felt gratitude. The next morning when I visited the fields, the crop had a
sparkle on the leaves. Surely no amount of watering could have had this effect. Luckily
the crop needed only one more watering before harvest. The yield was slightly bigger than
expected. The price too was better than last year.

Often I hear from devotees, My prayer is always
answered, most of the time at once. Sometimes the answer is delayed, but occasionally I
get into a familiar situation. Mother grants me some unheard of rewards, more than I have
been thinking of. I am overjoyed. Then one after another difficulties crop up. I am afraid
of losing what has come. I pray. Things take a positive turn. A couple of days later again
fresh difficulties arise. Each time difficulties arise I pray. Things change. What has
come is so far out of my way that I am unable to remain calm. Constantly new problems
arise. Things alternate and the end is constantly postponed. I am torn between two sides.
The anxiety is so great that I even say to myself that it is better it comes to an end,
let the opportunity be cancelled, I dont mind. I am unable to stand this constant
anxiety.

I would like to explain what a devotee can do on such
occasions to help bring about the best result. I shall quote the experiences of some
devotees and comment on them.

I am an American who has come to Pondicherry for
a short visit to the Ashram. I have read Mothers works and am devoted to Her in my
own way. A visit to the Samadhi is uplifting, fills me with a peace I have not
known before. I feel like sitting there for hours on end. My general tension comes down
and disappears. My mind falls silent. My heart is full, full of pleasant, happy feelings.
A strange fulfilment creeps over me. A friend engaged me in conversation and casually,
without any intention, I mentioned to him that I have a pain in the back. At once he asked
me why I should not pray to Mother for the pain to be removed. It never struck me. During
my next visit to the Samadhi, I thought of taking it up as a prayer. This pain is
very painful, being a back pain at the base of the spine. Several years ago when I was
lifting a heavy bundle from my cars trunk, I sprained my spine. I had medical
treatment, but doctors say it cannot be fully cured. Day and night I live with it, though
it is now within tolerable limits. My father has had it for over 15 years. Perhaps it runs
in the family. I have learned to live with it. As a result, my general posture is slightly
slanted to avoid the most painful position. It is much less now than in the beginning, but
even at this level it is really painful.I
wouldnt wish this suffering even on my enemy.

I visited the Samadhi the next day,
concentrated, meditated and after some time, remembered to pray to Mother that my pain
should go away. I fell into deep meditation. When I came to myself, I stood up and walked
to my room. My friend came to visit me that evening. As our conversation began to touch
upon many issues, we came to my pain. Suddenly it dawned on me that for the first time
since it began, my pain had not been there at all that day. I was unable to believe my
senses. How is it that I did not notice it for the whole day?Mother had given me a gift, really a wonderful
gift. My mind began to work. I thought of all the works I used to shun because of this
pain. Now I could do them. I had an intimate friend who had this pain. I could tell her
too about this. I could tell my father too. I thought, but I hesitated because there in
America people may think I am crazy if I speak like this. My mind was full of a million
thoughts.

To my surprise, I found that the pain started coming
back after two days. Again I prayed at the Samadhi. It left, but this time it left
only half way. What a tragedy after that wonderful relief!I was unable to control my thoughts. I didnt want to lose this relief. My
mind has been on fire, not being able to go either way. I just do not know what I should
do to make my relief permanent.

Let me quote another man also:

I am a retired government servant who at the
time of retirement was sanctioned a pension of Rs.45 per month. After retirement I started
selling casurina firewood for a living. Over the past 15 years I have progressed in
my business and purchased lands and raised casurina myself. Now I have a good property and
I am 75. I would like to sell the casurina lands and take rest, but the 27 acres are worth
only Rs.10,000 in the market. I could sell it if someone offered me Rs.27,000. I have been
trying to sell the lands for the last five years. Once a buyer agreed for Rs.27,000, but
the sale did not come through. After great efforts, a buyer came to me, anxious to buy it
at my price of Rs.27,000. At this point I was invited to Mothers Darshan by
another old man of 70. When I returned home, to my utter astonishment, my lands had become
very valuable. A fertilizer company wanted the lands. I finalised the bargain at
Rs.81,000. The man was writing the agreement but stopped in the middle. He said he would
come back in a week. Two months have passed. He has never come back. I am almost mad.
Every car that I pass looks like his car. Every person who comes to my house looks like
that man. I have lost sleep and my peace of mind. What an opportunity came my way and how
quickly it faded away. My mind considers thousands of possibilities. Finally I have
decided to give up and go to the man who had offered me Rs.27,000. This opportunity has
become like a torture and I would rather not have it.

Surely the mans plight is pitiable. It is one
thing not to have the opportunity. It is another thing to get it and lose it. On these
occasions, the more the mind thinks, the more the opportunity is cancelled. What can we
do?Is there anything that can be done to
save the situation?Is there anything we can
do to control our thoughts?

A girl of 31 says, No one who has looked at my
face or even photograph has wanted to see me again. So far dozens of grooms have come and
gone. The last man, a man of property, a graduate, came to our house with his parents, saw
me and agreed to marry me. This was a surprise to me. Between now and the wedding my one
fear is that the grooms party may cancel it. My mind runs in all directions. The
anxiety is so great.

An engineer says, I am working in a simple
situation. People who are starting a factory for Rs.1.5 crores have offered me a share.
This is too great an opportunity for me to lose. My one fear is they should not change
their minds before the documents are signed.

We can give a dozen more examples. As a rule, on these
occasions the mind is activated, one is beside himself, daydreams, builds castles, plans
for the future, and again, as a rule, the expectations cancel the opportunities or shrink
them to a tenth of what was first offered.

I would say that Mother gives, but Man cancels. This
is to reverse the proverb that Man proposes and God disposes. It is true that I would
suggest that one should keep the mind calm so that Mother can act effectively. It is not
reasonable for me to advise a person in this situation to keep his mind calm, knowing it
is nearly impossible. Is there a way out?There
is.

We know it is Mother who brought this great
opportunity to us. We also know that She cannot act through impatience, anxiety,
excitement or nervousness. We know Mother acts best in calm, quiet steadiness, firm faith,
and great patience. People who are in such anxious conditions should try to understand
this truth and resolve to be calm and unthinking. They must resolve not to be excited, not
to activate the thoughts in a hundred directions. If thoughts persist, one should try not
to indulge in the thoughts. Mind will become partially calm. In some cases, this
resolution makes the mind fully calm, too. If, in spite of this resolution, the mind is
still restive, pray to Mother for calm and patience. She certainly gives it. One by one
the difficulties recede and the originally given opportunity always emerges in full
measure. All who have consulted me, including those mentioned in this article, have
happily and fully solved their problems in this way.

Today I received a letter from a devotee in which he
says his daughter, who is an M.Sc., has secured a job in his own native town on the day he
got my letter. He is an ardent devotee for many years working in the government as an
non-gazetted officer with a spotless record of service.

All his four children are brilliant and often top the
list in the college. Being a non-gazetted officer, he was unable to offer them the very
best in life, but he did his very best to give them higher education. Several years ago
when his son passed PUC with shining scores, he was faced with his sons
burning desire to join engineering college and his inability to support him in a college
for five years. The government rules work in a strange fashion. As his salary crosses the
income limit prescribed for eligibility for scholarship, his son could not apply for
scholarship!Prior to studies is the hurdle
of admission. Scores of applicants with distinction compete for seats. If merit alone were
the criterion, his son would surely win.

There are other considerations. As a government
official, he knew many influential persons. But in matters of getting a favour, though it
may be a deserving case, these contacts do not yield results. Still he called on a local
VIP. When he arrived there, many bigwigs were waiting to meet the VIP. He was not willing
to wait and make his representation too. Reluctantly, however, he waited his turn. The VIP
was polite enough to promise to do his best for his son. Not finding any warmth in the
promise, he returned home. He later met me and described his plight. He is an ardent
devotee, but at that moment of despair to console him with a reference to prayer or faith
could be embarrassing. He left remarking, I have faith in Mother. Let us see.I was happy he said that.

When the results were out, his son had been selected.
He called on me with great joy and constantly exclaimed his surprise at the selection of
his son, saying Mother is truly great.

He often used to meet me and narrate his experiences
with Mother. Once when he was cycling home, he saw a woman loudly wailing, surrounded by a
crowd. He stopped to see what it was. The child of the woman was lost and she had given up
hope of finding the child after half a day of search. The more he heard about the details,
the more he was moved. He thought he would cry if he listened any more. He moved to one
side of the road next to a house, parked his cycle and called Mother to relieve the
distress of this hapless mother. He was so absorbed in his prayer that he almost forgot
what was going on around him. His eyes began to close and he felt lost inside. Suddenly
there was a shout which jerked him back to awareness. He rushed towards the crowd to know
if anything untoward had happened to the woman. On the contrary, someone who had found the
child brought it to where the mother was and hence the shouts of joy.

He was introduced to me thirty years ago when he came
to my native town to work in the taluq officeWe
used to meet at the house of a common friend. My friend used to describe to me, after he
left, how efficient this man was at the taluq office. He earned a reputation at the
office for efficiency, integrity and, above all, for his soft behaviour towards friends
and a great willingness to work hard. Later, for several years we had not met. Our
contacts renewed after about seven or eight years when both of us moved to another town
and ran into each other.

That was at the prime of his life and mine too. He was
promoted in his job and was working hard to build up a career winning the good remarks of
his superiors. So we met rarely. One Sunday morning he appeared at my house with worry
writ large on his face.

He explained to me that things were not going smoothly
at the office and his next promotion was at stake. I was wondering how such a person could
ever miss a promotion. He said that in circumstances like this anything could happen. It
was impossible to predict, he said, who would be promoted and who would be denied. He
added, I am frustrated by life around and knowing how I am denied the promotion.
This is clear injustice. But what worries me more is what is in store for the future. I
was not even selected for the list of candidates from which the promotees will be
selected. I appealed against that decision. The government has rejected my appeal. The
implication of this rejection causes me greater worry. It means I am ineligible for any
future promotion.

He came to me that day to find out whether someone in
Madras could be approached to rectify the mistake and have justice restored to him. That
was a decade when, among youth, it was a fashion to be an atheist. At that time he was an
admirer of those ideals. Those were the first years of my coming to the Ashram. He was not
one to whom I could speak about spirituality, much less prayer. I did not have the courage
to propose to him that his prayer to Mother would restore justice to him. But that was a
moment when such an idea could be spoken. Maybe he would listen to me. I mustered courage
at last and briefly explained to him Sri Aurobindos role in national freedom, his
yoga and the powers of Mother, giving a few examples. I ended up suggesting that he could
visit the Samadhi. He seemed to listen with approval.

After ten days, he called on me with excitement to say
that his name was there in the selected list of Deputy Tasildars and he would soon
be posted elsewhere. I asked him to clarifywhether
it was the list from which selection was to be made. He corrected me by saying that his
name was in the selected list.

He explained that he had visited the Samadhi on
the very day he met me earlier and felt uplifted. He came away with a feeling that his
cause would be upheld. I never expected that things would move so fast and so well.
I dont understand how it all happened. For me it is very surprising, he said.
That was how he became a devotee long ago.