Faster than light, some haunting, some fleeting, some sweet, and some filled with sorrow, THOUGHTS are what make or break us. In search of my true self, a journal that deals with day-to-day things that leave their mark on me.. RACING THOUGHTS, my spoken and unspoken reflections!!
A full-time mom with mostly rusted professional skills, enjoying the blessing called lazy motherhood in United States. Whatever I am.. I AM LIKE THATTT ONLY!! నా ఇష్టం, నాకిష్టం.

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Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Feb 15, 2009

Am back in my village, the place I was born.. by wish or by force or by lack of choices, whatever it is I am confused and would not just want to delve on it. Somethings just happen, call it divine intervention or human helplessness.

The village has grown, people have changed, and the fact that I am blogging through a broadband connection in my remote village is amazing. While the world is advancing, there are a few things which still are trademark of my village to me.

Most of my relatives here have migrated for greener pastures, half of their houses have been abandoned, now home for snakes and rats and termites, the only ones I find here are the oldies relying on their maids and servants. Every house has a TV, most of them color TVs. Every house now has a bathroom, most of them are taking loans and shifting to concrete houses with slabs as opposed to thatched houses. DWACRA groups, pensions, white cards, Arogya Sree Schemes, everyone is aware of the benefits given to them. It is the same village but with too many changes.

I am back here in the house I was born in, the place where I grew up and always longed to be, to bring my little one to life. It is just the same, far from the modern world, thatched roof, mud walls, lots of space, loads of trees.. the same old rats, cats, snake menace, nothing really changed but for the people missing.. my amma and tatee (granny and grandpa). How I wish they were here today, I can just imagine the happiness in their eyes, the pleasure of my being there with them at the most delicate period of my life ever. I sometimes wonder if it is their way of calling me back here, to say that they are there for me no matter what the circumstances are. But I am not really too excited to be here, what has happened.. why are the roof, the snakes, the mud, the cobwebs that never came to my notice all my life just crop up.. why???

I have seen the best and worst in the life, been the happiest and seen the lowest, maybe at my all-time lowest phase with hormones playing up and moods acting up.. I used to love being at this place because of the love that I got here but I am beginning to feel suffocated largely due to the property clashes and the selfish, thankless attitudes of people. One thing I fail to understand is why should one expect anything from the parents and why the hell do we fail to do our duties but stand first to claim the benefits after their death. I feel like strangling a few people in my extreme off-mood phases but just let it go and try to calm down as much as possible and just cant wait to get out of all this mess never to return back.. but until then I want to absorb all that I can of this place, my temple at one point, enough for a lifetime.

For Evil Eyes on LO

About Me

Determined, strong, eccentric, irregular, crazy, candid, sweet, spicy, naughty, nutty, kind, rigid, soft, calm, considerate, stubborn, sensible yet way too sensitive than expected despite a tough exterior.. On the whole a bit of everything and above all A SURVIVOR!!!
A simple complex individual who has an opinion on everything in general and does nothing about anything in particular. A perfectly imperfect one-piece item in the whole wide world ;).