The film definitely qualifies as a guilty pleasure. I remember seeing it on TV
some years ago, and I just couldn't imagine Gene Hackman as a doctor. I COULD
imagine Dyan Cannon sleeping around accumulating notches on her garter belt.
The wardrobes would now be hopelessly dated. So it must be time for a remake,
right? Or did "Gray's Anatomy" already handle that?.

SC doc

08/20/14

Are you kidding me? I bet the wardrobes are the best part!.

XNP

08/20/14

The funny part of this one is how hard they had to dig to get to any good parts.
I'm guessing that those spouses' complaints haven't been heard for awhile, and
the poor interviewer got an earful!.

Cherie C. Binns RN BS MSCN

08/20/14

Excellent job focusing on the positive. We need more of that in our world1.

VScan

08/20/14

Generally, an article filled with fluff. Most doctors are not married to physicians.
And those non-MD husbands and wives have had to give up or curtail careers so
that their children were not left without parents. Very few corporate careers
provide the flexibility that an MD spouse needs. Many who are forced to retire
end up having to do literally everything -- investments, household chores,
supervision of kids educations. For this work, they are awarded paltry spousal
IRAs, if they do not forego them to fund the kids' educations. To serve their
communities, MD spouses set up and raise money for all kinds of nonprofits.
Then, when they have the chance to return to work, they are told that the
experience was useless. It's ok to be a business entrepreneur, but being a social
entrepreneur means nothing, even if you have created jobs and created
objectively beneficial outcomes. I urge all MD spouses to find a way to return to
work in the business world in some capacity. The old paradigm of creating a
wonderful home and well educated and responsible kids has become an
anachronism. By the way, next time the U of M, does a survey, talk to some
spouses of MD's in private practice. It's like living in a war zone -- constant
uncertainty about whether your spouse's practice will survive and how to plan
for business bankruptcy and its aftermath..

PA-C

08/20/14

This article landed in my in box as my PA-C/MD marriage is at an all time low. We
have two kids, I work two days a week and my husband is in his last year of
residency. I feel like a single mom most of the time and rarely feel that I can lean
on my husband. My family stepped in during a medical crisis and was extremely
helpful, but not being able to depend on the support of your spouse for those
things erodes a marriage. As a PA, I understand what training entails, but there is
only so much a marriage can take..

stressmanage

08/20/14

The Menniger Clinic wrote an excellent book, Medical Marriages, many years
ago. Not much has changed. They found that doctors in mainline China, who
were not financially rewarded, had the same trait as US doctors - the need to be
in control. Of course, the profession fosters this trait.
Too many wives support their husbands through medical school, internship,
residency, fellowship, and the first years of practice, all while raising a family on
their own. Once the money finally comes, the doctors look for a wife they can
control rather than the strong, independent wife who got them through all those
years. Her contribution was never valued, and she is now expendable.
Surgeons have a harder time with the control issue because they control the OR
and are God-like when they take someone's life in their hands. Children and
wives who have managed to survive the tough years by themselves are not as
malleable as many surgeons would like. So the surgeon looks for those who are.
All of this obtains with female doctors too, simply with different nuances..

Beth Friedland, MD

08/20/14

We just had the 30th anniversary of our ophthalmology residency group and all
of us are still married to the same spouses! There are 2 married to lawyers, and
one married to a non MD career woman, but there were a few two MD marriages.
We agree with the article that prioritizing roles in the marriage and child rearing
helped a great deal to have strong, loving and enduring marriages..

raypal45

08/20/14

This study interviewed people who were married for 15 years. How about those
of us who have been married for longer. I just celebrated my 44th anniversary
with my wife and children. We were married when I was in second year med
school. She worked full time( book keeper) and I did nights and weekends at
labs to help out. We had four wonderful children, all professionals who have all
left the nest and we are still happy. She understood my responsibility to patients
and she did my books, managed my office and raised our kids. Only time she
complained was when I was chief resident and still helping out my Juniors by
taking first call one night a week. Now we are back alone and it is very
comforting to have her with me. I help out with the housework now. Got to grow
up together. Don't want any trophy wife or young woman..

VScan

08/20/14

Re-reading this article and comments made me think about the four generations
of doctors in my family and their marriages and lives. All of their marriages
survived despite periods of severe stress, mainly because the wives would not
countenance divorce for the sake of their children. The doctors had several
things in common. They married women 10 years younger than themselves and
married in their mid-thirties after they were established in practice. Though
highly educated, none of the wives worked, but kept lovely homes, completely
managed the doctors' personal lives, and raised well educated, successful
children. Three of the four doctors worked into their late seventies, the other died
at 64. Luckily, that widow was the first woman graduate of the business school a
the the University of Michigan. For 30 years, she managed the stocks she
inherited from her parents and died a wealthy woman.Once the doctors stopped
working, they were dead within three years. They all enjoyed the support of a
warm, close knit medical community. Doctors were viewed as colleagues, not
competitors. None of them died rich a la the 1% of their day, but were
comfortable and relatively free of financial worries, except for one who paid for
87 years of private education for five kids.
There are some lessons in this history, but most will no longer apply. Given the
fact that most doctors will be allowed to work for 30 years, not 40, and forced to
retire in their 60's, the corporate model, they would probably benefit from putting
off marriage into their late 30's, live like monks and pay off their education loans
before they start a family. To assure healthy children, they should marry women
in the mid to late 20's, who have established careers and can return to work after
their kids start elementary school. Few doctors will be able to educate their kids
well without a working spouse. They should live modestly and save every nickel
they can to assure a comfortable retirement, a very difficult task given the tax
rates they will be forced to pay. Since doctors will be employees and not
business owners, always have a rainy day fund in case you are fired. The
collegiality of physicians died in many communities years ago, but do work at
maintaining a civil relationship. No one else understands what your life is like.
Without a stay at home wife, you will need the support of your extended family,
so try to locate near them. It will be easier to care for them once they age. If you
think you might ever consider divorce, don't get married. The chaos you will
cause in your children's lives is not worth it., and you will not be able to afford it.
So try to go on a date with your spouse at least once a month to re-kindle and
nurture your relationship..

Dennis Dookhan MD

08/21/14

The experiences shared here, are quite beneficial and precious materials.
During my career, I often thought, why can't internship include a course
(optional) on family values for the to be couples (eg residents)?
In retrospect ,it will benefit the young medical community ,embarking on a
family life. Know that marital issues can impact on the health of the young and
their career in a negative way. I heard about the young married female
doctor,who asked another young inexperienced unmarried doctor for advice.
How about correcting this. I do not know how many seek marriage councillors
for advice but what I do know is experience is the greatest of teachers..

Dr. Mann

09/02/14

what a terrible waste of space. Team doctors? Seriously? what about the lives of
primary care physicians and their non-MD spouses - about barely able to make ends
meet? "throw money at the problem" - what money?
This is a hideous indulgence like watching the Kardashians - it has nothing to do
with the real working lives of real community physicians whose marriages fall apart
because they have no money and they are never available and they come home and
they are hurting and have so much dumped on them.
This is...btw...part of the effort to make us all look rich and privileged to take more
money away from us. Thanks for playing into their hands - you have just finished
wringing our necks for them. Nice job..

Andrew Wilner, MD

10/19/14

Comments much more informative than the article!.

Phillip V

03/01/15

Observant article and more interesting comments. Medicine is challenged with
creating more than it destroys. Happy spouse, happy house still applies. Most
medically involved relationships fail secondary to multiple factors but most
prominent may be the misunderstanding of sacrifice on both sides of the coin. The
non medical spouse typically expects the demands on the medical side to
moderate or improve with time when in actuality there is a universal constant of
demands until one retires or dies. Our residency class of eight surgeons had a
50% divorce rate within 10 years of graduation. Of the remaining four, two will
likely see divorce in five years. One commenter was correct in that the children of
medical divorce are significantly at risk. To those medical couples who are lucky
enough to exist, survive, and thrive, they should feel blessed but not condemning
of those that were not so lucky. In the unlucky subset, factors such as mental
illness, physical abuse, substance abuse, and disfunctional extended families
create a toxic mix bad for everyone and divorce is a tragic but logical solution. For
those medical couples who have endured hardship and have found a light at the
end of the tunnel as a loving unit, you should congratulate yourself on timing, luck
and love. The cliché of the philandering physician and trophy side piece should be
interpreted with caution as it is more than the superficialities of sex and money and
more of a statement of happiness and control. Finally, the stresses of a medical
system evolving toward more regulation, socialization and industrialization will
ironically be more destructive of the medical marriage. Specifically, the exchange
of professional freedom for phantom job and financial security will result in less
freedom and security. This realization combined with the false hope of less
demands with time will erode at risk medical relationships that have survived in the
past on denial, "throwing money at the problem", and collegial professional
relationships..

Sadie F.

03/24/15

My husband and I started dating when I was 16 and got married when I was 20
years old (he was 24). He entered medical school after our 3rd year of marriage
and I became "a single married woman." It's been 39 years and I am still single.
We (some of us) doctor's wives have been sorely misrepresented by skewed
rhetoric and interpretation. Yes, I raised 2 children alone...and on my youngest's
21st birthday, she shared with me how little she knew her dad, and affirmed that
she "would never" marry a doctor. My husband is a wonderful man, but his
profession compelled him to be a terrible husband and absent father (except
financially), which he acknowledges, finally. I am a Registered Nurse (ret.) that
saw the toils and demands clinically that medicine placed on him...and that
helped me to weather the storms of loneliness and anger at being "the other
woman." for the duration of our marriage (he is an OB/GYN. I have stood in the
shadows for him all my life and look forward to one day standing in the light with
him if we live to see it. Being a doctor's wife is no walk in the park and certainly
is not something I would choose to be again if I could "do it over.".

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