CPAC not half empty but half full ... of desperation and bluster

There is a phrase used in television to mark when a popular series begins to decline and becomes a parody of itself.

That phrase is "jump the shark," and its derivation comes from an episode of the 1970s sitcom Happy Days, when Fonzie, actually jumped a shark on water skis during the show.

Why The Fonz needed to jump the shark is less important than the reality that after the gimmick of that episode, while Happy Days was on the air for seven more seasons, it was generally accepted the hugely popular series was running on creative fumes.

In fact, it was the beginning of the end.

The markedly less-well-attended version of the once-vibrant Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) held last week brings to mind the jump-the-shark analogy.

As the post-CPAC press coverage demonstrated, the fringe right wing of the Republican party that long dominated the political discourse has "jumped the shark" and morphed instead into a sad parody of itself.

Let's face it, who but a handful on loony losers would enthusiastically take part in a chorus of "Run, Sarah run" when Sarah Palin, the discredited and largely ignored GOP vice-president candidate of 2008 who has turned reality-show buffoon, rallied them by attacking a woman who was an actual, certified honest-to-God American Secretary of State for four years?

But Sarah was only a small part of the political freak show.

New Jersey Gov.

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Chris Christie, fresh from the biggest political scandal of the last 12 months, showed up to rousing cheers when he blamed the media for misrepresenting the real Republican message.

(In case you've forgotten, last year Gov. Christie wasn't invited to attend or speak before CPAC because he had committed the sin of having told the truth to the public and the press about what a great job President Barack Obama had done after Hurricane Sandy, especially when compared to the horrific job done by President George W. Bush did after Hurricane Katrina. But that was then and this is now.)

And what is the real Republican message?

Well, let's see.

If you are Gov. Christie, the real Republican message is "no" on any and all abortion rights, now or in the future.

If you are 2016 vice-presidential aspirant Ben Carson, the real Republican message is letting gays know they don't get "extra rights," like trying to redefine marriage to include same-sex couples.

If you are a Republican member of Congress, the real Republican message is the total repeal of Obama's national health-care plan, despite recent polling that shows that 54 percent of all Americans want the program fixed, not repealed.

If you are Donald Trump, the real Republican message is that "immigrants are taking American jobs."

If you are NRA Chief Executive Officer Wayne LaPierre, the real Republican message is more guns made more easily accessible.

If you are the Rev. Mike Huckabee, the real Republican message is the renewed belief in the recycled quote from decades ago offered by Mrs. Billy Graham, who said: "If God doesn't bring fiery judgment on America, he'll have to apologize to the folks from Sodom and Gomorrah."

If you are U.S. Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, the real Republican message is ending government tyranny and standing for liberty. (Presupposing, I assume, that he expects Hillary Clinton's 2016 bumper sticker is going to read: Support tyranny and down with liberty!!)

If you are Ann Coulter, the real Republican message is saying "no" to the "browning of America." (She is a piece of work.)

If you are Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal, the real Republican message is labeling any opponent of his unconstitutional charter-school initiative, especially United States Attorney General Eric Holder, as the second coming of former racist Gov. George Wallace.

If you are U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, the real Republican message is strident opposition to amnesty for illegal aliens (even though no one, Democrat or Republican, is proposing any amnesty for any aliens, legal or illegal).

Finally, if you are Hillary Clinton, the real Republican message is if Republicans keep talking, it will result in four more years of a Democrat in the White House.

Run, Sarah, run!

Michael Goldman is a paid political consultant for Democratic candidates and president of Goldman Associates in Boston.

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