Tristen it is

I think I had my first transgendered, or rather transgender themed, dream the other night. I had this dream that I’d changed my name to Tristen. Yeah I know, Regan sounds nothing like Tristen, but if you’ve been reading this blog lately – well you know Tristen is my name du jour. The dream mostly was about not being able to use any more. Truth is, it was far from a nightmare. Mostly just a dream of inconvenience, about not being able to use any more.

It sounds completely dysfunctional, putting my name ahead of everything else, but at the same time it feels like it would free me up to do the rest of the things I need to do in order to leave my maleness behind. I suppose the advantage of Tristen Ryley is that its neutral enough, at least more so than Susan, that I can change my name and still continue to work on the other things I need to accomplish “full time”.

The last time I went through this, I don’t think I ever would have reached this point. I was racing towards “being a girl”, full steam ahead and every other euphemism you can think of. This time, I think I’m taking it in bits and pieces doing things one thing at a time as I need to in order to, well, I guess survive my gender issues. Now despite everything that suggests I should wait, shedding just seems to be the right thing to do – or rather what I need to do in order to keep moving forward. Yeah, that seems to be it, I think not being Tristen, legally, is keeping me from moving forward at the moment.

It’s all hypothetical until Sandy’s done with me, but the kicker of course, is I’ll certainly have the money in hand to move forward with the name change – so it won’t be so hypothetical then. Let me know your thoughts in the comments, please.