"Now all those feelings, those yesterday's feelings, will all be lost in time"

Saturday, June 18, 2011

These thoughts, all these thoughts..

You know what I don't understand? Well, other than people who have foot fetishes or wear socks with sandals.. I don't understand the way emotions work. I don't understand why, as humans, we can't just be happy with what we have. Or at least toss it aside and find something else to be happy with.

Exhibit A: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy but in a different way. Boy waits a really long time to be with girl. Girl decides to give boy a chance. Boy is happy. Girl is not feeling the same way as boy so girl ends things with boy. Boy is sad. Girl knows this is the best decision. Boy says goodbye. Girl wants boy back.

What the heck?! Before I start ranting.. let me continue on with this little scenario. Alright, boy is gone and girl wants him back. Boy comes back and girl is happy. Boy wants to spend time with girl. Girl wants to be alone pretty much ALL the time. Boy gets upset. Girl ends it. Boy is sad but goes away again. Girl, who did not want boy, wants boy back.

This, obviously, is just a hypothetical situation (that, obviously, is a lie) but this whole scenario blows my mind. Why do we want what we can't have? Or why don't we just want what we CAN have when we HAVE it?! I hate this. I hate feelings and emotions with every fiber of my being. Yes, I realize that hate is a feeling and I hate it too.

Whatever it is that takes over.. that little thing there in the back of our minds when our head is saying, "you know this is the right thing, you need to let go" Yeah, you know that thing I'm talking about? Well.. I DO NOT LIKE IT. It's like the head is fighting the heart. For every logical explanation the head comes up with for why you shouldn't do/want/feel something, the heart just counteracts that. But not in simple debate form, no. The heart is a tricky little bastard and pulls out all these memories that you didn't even know you had. Completely irrelevant memories that meant so little at the time that you didn't even notice, or care enough to file them away, but now they're all you think about. The heart attaches every song, whether happy or sad, to that person and keeps replaying those obnoxious songs over and over in your head. The heart makes you type long, heartfelt letters to that person and pour out everything you have. Then, when your head tells you to destroy that letter and never actually send it, the heart makes you wait a day and do it all over again. I'm not sure what I dislike most.. the heart for feeling all this crap in the first place or the head for not being stubborn enough to tell the heart no. It's that simple. It should be anyway. Just say no. Even when it feels like your heart is being ripped into a million tiny pieces, your whole body just feels empty and numb, and you can't think about anything else.. JUST. SAY. NO.

It's simple.. right?

Oh well.. moving on. Tomorrow (technically today) is father's day. I'm looking forward to spending some time with my family. I just wish it wasn't Sunday already. I feel like the weekends go by so much faster than they used to. I dislike that almost as much as the heart. Anyway, I should have some pretty interesting posts coming up if this week plays out anything like I expect it to. Fair warning, a few will probably be containing more angry rants from me about feelings. Disregard this, I'm feeling highly emotional at this time. Nothing the right amount of drugs, alcohol and sex can't fix. Just kidding. Seriously though, I'm kidding.