moments of clarity

Monday, May 18

Beautiful Meg just wrote a beautiful post about the types of movies she likes to watch; ones that make her think and ponder about life. "My movies take their time. My movies are simple and they are quiet and they are beautiful in a way that sneaks up on me and causes the breath to catching my throat." There Meg goes again, her words nailing my thoughts exactly. Hi Meg, I love you.

This weekend I had the incredibly joy and honor to go see a short film made by an incredibly talented local director, Ebrahim Ghaeini. His short entitled Moments of Clarity was exactly the type of film that Meg was talking about, a film that sank deep into my skin and took over my brain matter while I was watching it and for a long time after. I'll spare you a plot summary, mostly because the feelings I felt are much deeper than the plot covers, something I think that speaks to a great director and a great film. Also, I'd hate to color the opinions and conclusions that you would come to when you see the film by giving you my synopsis of the film. This film was tailor made to allow for the viewer to inset themselves and their own story inside of the work. Adore adore adore.

The director of this film, the actors, the crew, the astounding artist who drew 30 different and delicate portraits of the character Claire, are all passionate artists. They stood before us at this screening and their passion was just seething off of them. In the way they talked about the process of filming, the way they gave their opinions about the film's meaning(s), even just in the way they thanked the people who attended the screening or donated to their kickstarter, you can taste their passion and the care they have for this film. That passion cannot be learned or taught, it runs through your skin. They had it and their film showed that. (Also, Natalia Noble who played Claire had GREAT style. That jacket was on point. Just... the entire crew looked great. Beautiful people. Hi.)

One of the greatest themes I found threading itself through this film was what the life of an artist means and how the brains of artists work. The fictional artists in this film have that same "passion to the point of obsession" mental mechanism as the creators of this film and of artists in general. Jason works and draws portrait after portrait of this woman (who may or may not be real), creating representation after representation of the perfect person, the perfect work of art.

Don't we all do that as artists? I've written poem after poem, sentence after sentence, trying to capture the people I see and love around me in the most perfect way I can. I slave over syntax and metaphor trying to find the perfect one for the person I'm writing about. "This person is a vacuum.. no that's not right, he's a black hole. That sounds better. This person, with his beautiful hands and emotive eyes, he is something else. Not cavernous space, but something just as heavenly. What are his words?" We hunt and hunt for the perfect shade of paint to capture lover's eyes, the perfect words to hint at how deeply we feel and regret a kiss we never received; we lace our lives with the hunt for the perfect words for these people we make perfect in our minds.

This film reminded me a lot of one of my favorite novels, Paper Towns by John Green. They both flirt with what I think to be one of the most far-reaching and important lines in that novel: "What a treacherous thing to believe a person is more than a person."

Now, although I remain unconvinced that Claire is a real person in the movie, I think what she represents as a manifestation of an artistic muse or idea is much more powerful than what a real person could ever be. And THAT, my lovelies, is what an artist is always hunting for. The people we love become so much deeper and bigger in the pedestals of our brains. It's less scary to love a fictional person because we are in charge of how they act toward us. We make fictional people out of every single person in our lives because their story wraps into ours, we see them through our own filter. How terrifying is that prospect? The person you spend months talking with and dreaming of has as many emotions, worries, and faults as you have. That's overwhelming. It would be much easier to stay solo and write yourself the perfect person, adapted from life into fiction.

Too bad hands clasping feels much better than a pen against a palm. Too bad two bodies curving against each other feels infinitely more pure and vital than unspooling words from your nail beds. Art and life must co-habitate to form a beautifully flawed person instead of false representations of selective traits tailor-made to the artist. Reaching that balance is a gorgeous feeling. There is your aspiration, there is your life, not the perfect representation of something that doesn't exist. A person is a person, after all.

This film brought me clarity and the ending cleansed the entire film, a baptism of new life and a new creative journey. Watching this film is a journey and thinking these big and wonderful thoughts about humanity is a beautiful journey I invite you all to take. To the cast and crew of this film, thank you so much for sharing your passion on screen and for letting us all be witness to this beautiful work.

If you ever have a chance to see this film, loves, please please do. It is so gorgeous to watch and just as gorgeous to think your way through.

2 comments:

I think probably definitely I need to see this. And this "It would be much easier to stay solo and write yourself the perfect person, adapted from life into fiction" is so my life.

I was in a counseling session a few weeks ago (yes, as you know, I like to get right into things! haha), and I was talking about how when I was a kid, most everyone around me let me down. They lied, they cheated, they ran away, they shut me out, they ignored me or acted like I was too young to understand when, um, no, I understood quite well. I said that I knew they would never live up to what I needed. And my counselor asked, "And so what did 6-year-old Meghan do?"

And I realized, right then, this is why I had imaginary friends. Because I really did. Up to a probably embarrassing age, I made up friends and adventures in my head because that was the survival tactic I came up with as a kid when I had to.

Anyway, all I'm saying, as usual, is I get it. And I agree, it is dangerous. To imagine a person as more than a person. You could expound on that for months, probably.

oh wow. i love reading your words and just nodding my head along like yup... i so get what you're saying. the part about being an artist, a writer and making a person more than a person and seriously i really fucking loved seeing that written down because don't you think sometimes you just need to be reminded of that? gosh, i sure do!

it's funny because when i read, i highlight parts of books that i find to be inspiring or make me stop and think or something i want to come back and ponder more. i love seeing those highlights especially when i am prone to rereading... and the thing with Paper Towns is that whole book is highlight(able) but i remember quite vividly that one line that you pointed out here. that hit me hard, it does every time i see it, every time i read it, every time someone says it... it's just a simple fucking truth.

anyhow, your passion and excitement about this film is contagious and i am very anxious to watch it.

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Lovely Readers

words

Confess to yourself in the deepest hour of the night whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. Dig deep into your heart, where the answer spreads its roots in your being, and ask yourself solemnly, 'Must I write?'

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

-Ernest Hemingway

Study broadly and without fear.

-John Green

Writing is hard. Not as hard as not writing. Not writing is torturous, bloody, chaotic, and a gruesome winless battle. A writer who writes, knows peace, lives connected to truth. Not writing is ache, betrayal, death of the soul and imagination.