What To Say To A Girl Who Asks You A Question You Don’t Want To Answer

I have a great tip for you based on a recent post. You talked about how “it’s complicated” is a great answer to a majority of shit test questions. It’s OK, but I have the mother of [all] responses. [Editor: MOAR!] You have to use it sparingly though to make it most effective. I was taught this in sales training many years ago.

When someone askes you a question you might not want to answer (for whatever reason, or no reason at all) you respond with “why is that important for you to know?”.

It totally moves them from aggressive to defensive.

If you’re an older guy and a chick asks “how old are you?” you say immediately “why is that important for you to know?”, what could she possibly say in response? If you think a chick is a gold digger, when she inevitably askes “what do you do for a living?” and you answer with that, what is she gonna say? “because I’m a gold digging bitch and don’t want to waste my time with a loser”. Nope. She’ll get all flustered and give you some answer and feel like an idiot. Perfect time to close.

The actual success rate of this sly evasive maneuver is less salient than the frame shift it accomplishes. If, for instance, a girl asks what you do and you don’t want to tell her, saying “why is that important for you to know” won’t necessarily budge her from trying to find out at some point, but it will put her on the defensive. And a girl in the defensive crouch is a girl giving birth to gina tingles. When you induce a girl to explain her fascination with you and your goings-on, her avaricious hindbrain will be tricked into registering your status as higher than hers, and from thence intimacy may commence.

“It’s complicated” and “Why is that important for you to know?” are two MOARs every aspiring Casanova should have in his arsenal of seduction.

i’m going to pipe up, and counsel that all of these scripts and lines are great but that one must always keep in view the preconditions for getting them across with the advertised effectiveness. nothing functions unless it’s both calibrated and rooted to a presence that’s at least not already devalued, uninteresting, etc.

i’ve experienced myself and observed others crashing repeatedly on this issue. to dream up an example, let’s say you’re overweight, herby, boring, and projecting neediness. you at least make it out for drinks with some slightly cooler friends who strike up a conversation with some females. a gentler girl in the group asks you what you do for a living, to be polite. you shoot back, a little nervously and ferociously, “why is it important for you to know?” and you observably focus on her response with expectation because you’re expecting to drop like a roissy bomb. it doesn’t and your game doesn’t move forward.

You almost nailed this Roissy. A far better MOAR that I’ve been using for a while now is the timeless:

“What do you care?”

If you say this too hurriedly or sound annoyed, it will come off wrong—as if you’ve been unnerved and are on the defensive. The key is to deliver it with a smile, one eyebrow slightly raised, a deep voice, and looking directly in her eye. It’s right up there with “it’s complicated” and “bring da movies”.

If you listen to nothing else I say in these comment forums, please believe this. It works.

“Why is that important for you to know?”
She often will reply:
“I just want to know.”

What an opening! Potential responses:

You would.
or
I protect big corporations from the little guy.
or
I didn’t think you were THAT type.
or…
…you get the idea. Put her further on the defensive or disarm her question and change the subject while making her “chase” you a bit as she tries to find out more. Being a bit mysterious and aloof while she thinks you might be unattainable will make her putty in your hands.

Roiss, no offence, but while these last two post are pretty good as far as theory and spirit of the game, the execution is not smooth.
Braces are a bit wtf-ish vs “something on your cheek / lint / etc”..
“why is that important for you to know” sounds dull with whiff of bitter too, especially about something like age. I’d go with something like “you need to know everything, huh?” – same idea, combining no direct answers with a bit of qualifying, but more playful perhaps? Or am I the one over-complicating it?

””””’on August 4, 2010 at 11:46 am crazyshoe
i’m going to pipe up, and counsel that all of these scripts and lines are great but that one must always keep in view the preconditions for getting them across with the advertised effectiveness. nothing functions unless it’s both calibrated and rooted to a presence that’s at least not already devalued, uninteresting, etc.

i’ve experienced myself and observed others crashing repeatedly on this issue. to dream up an example, let’s say you’re overweight, herby, boring, and projecting neediness. you at least make it out for drinks with some slightly cooler friends who strike up a conversation with some females. a gentler girl in the group asks you what you do for a living, to be polite. you shoot back, a little nervously and ferociously, “why is it important for you to know?” and you observably focus on her response with expectation because you’re expecting to drop like a roissy bomb. it doesn’t and your game doesn’t move forward.

”””””””””””

That is why you build your confidense by killing shit.
So your a fat disgusting slob that exudes confidense.
And you blow the fuck out of bitches heads.
But yea or get in shape.
Being fat ain’t for everyone he he he
It is a hamstring.
If you don’t change it know you are hamstringing yourself.
If you want a challenge stay fat.
If you want it to get easier to game chicks get in shape.

When your going out with the boss and lifting weights together or playing basketball.
Working is not challenging he he he
But if your fat it is more of a challenge to get by on just your brain and what you actually produce.

If I was on a date with someone and they fed me either of these lines, it would immediately give off a weird vibe. I would be taken offguard and I’d ultimately be wondering why the question was evaded. The rest of the date I’d be on BS alert, so in reality, these responses would invariably result in shit tests galore.

It’s complicated might prompt new questions, and why do you want to know would probably be a very easy question to answer, although a smart woman might also be offended by the question. Both results undesirable for a subject you seemingly do not want to breach.

“If I was on a date with someone and they fed me either of these lines, it would immediately give off a weird vibe…It’s complicated might prompt new questions, and why do you want to know would probably be a very easy question to answer, although a smart woman might also be offended by the question.”

Please ignore this bullshit. Remember folks, when dealing with women: don’t listen to what they say would do over the internet—just watch what they do in waking life.

“It’s complicated” and “What do you care?” et al. aren’t designed to shutdown the line of questioning, so much as put the girl on the defensive. Doing this is immensely useful to the seducer.

maybe this works, but the line itself sounds defensive to me. depends entirely on the delivery of course. anybody can correctly deliver “it’s complicated”.

i’ve taken sales courses where that line was taught — but part of the point there is that it really is a good opportunity to ask an open probe question to a potential customer. you will get actual information in the response. whereas a chick could simply think: “apparently i’ve hit a sore spot”

The problem with pat answers like this is that, while useful for guys who are already successful and charming, it seems put on, and anyone using it needs social edge. Because they always need social edge. If you can’t talk to women comfortably, any suggestions like this are just openers for embarrassment.

I can’t say this enough: The social skills needed to carry on a conversation, to banter, and to engage regardless where the conversation goes are crucial. It pains me to see guys looking for and memorizing little tricks and still not learning how to talk to women (or people). I just know dudes are going to do this.

If you have asberger’s or you’re socially inept, really, getting more socially ept is the Midas Touch. One-off tricks aren’t going to help you.

This phrase suggestion / focus deflection above is cool, and does reframe the discussion effectively – but more than 70% of the time, when it’s delivered, it’s done inexpertly and will interrupt a conversation. You need to be able to socially carry this off without looking socially hostile.

Little tips like this are useful, but I’ve seen and can imagine how this sort of thing just falls flat or seems put-on or try-hard or hostile. The trick is not to be any of these, especially hostile (unless that’s part of your game, and you have the wherewithal to back this up with the rest of your game, and this isn’t just a single element).

The trick is to have social fluidity.

Imagine this. You’re getting comfortable with a girl, and the conversation starts getting around to what you do.

(Background: You look like you 1) have a job, 2) dress the part; girl below is obviously more of a bitch than necessary)

Her: What do you do?
Him: The day is long, I pack it full of things.
Her: Where do you work?
Him: Big scary building. The sign outside says Beware of Dragons.

Her: So what do you do there?
Him: I warm chair bottoms. Sometimes I make coffee for myself. When no-one’s looking I dance a little jig.

Her: Don’t want to talk about your job?
Him: We all have jobs, we all go to work, we all pay our bills, right? That’s not interesting. That girl over there, see how she’s coming on to that guy? (girl not obviously coming on to guy). That’s interesting. Watch.

Her: I guess you don’t really want to talk about your work.
Him: I can talk about work with my dog. I assumed you’re more interesting than that / beyond what you do at work.

Her: What someone does says a lot about them.
Him: Says a lot more about people who want to know what you do.

Her: You’re being evasive.
Him: Not at all. I’ll show you. Tell me what you know about me already.
(I work in a big office building/little office building/I get around a lot/etc.) –

The point is, you deflect, avoid hostility, banter, shift the conversation around a lot (keeps it unbalanced and interesting) and makes you look mysterious.

Looking mysterious and fun and funny is more important when disarming initial defenses than reshifting. And you can always let drop bits of information along with more interesting tidbits to redirect conversations.

“If you can’t talk to women comfortably, any suggestions like this are just openers for embarrassment.”

Undoubtedly true. But I think this blog assumes that its readers have this base level of social acumen. Aspergy type guys may need a bit more help than Game can provide, I’m afraid.

And I think this is also one of the reasons for brevity with these kinds of responses. “Why is that important for you to know” is a bit of a mouthful, and maybe tough to deliver smoothly even for someone who doesn’t have an autism spectral disorder. “What do you care?” and “It’s complicated” are laconic and easily delivered, even for the socially challenged.

Yes, brevity as a social crutch will only get you so far, but an Aspergy guy still has to get laid while taking all that time brushing up on his social skills. “Tricks” like brevity will help tide him over, not to mention the fact women that find it’s inherent mysteriousness attractive.

@dragnetYes, brevity as a social crutch will only get you so far, but an Aspergy guy still has to get laid while taking all that time brushing up on his social skills. “Tricks” like brevity will help tide him over, not to mention the fact women that find it’s inherent mysteriousness attractive.

That is why you build your confidense by killing shit.
So your a fat disgusting slob that exudes confidense.
And you blow the fuck out of bitches heads.
But yea or get in shape.
Being fat ain’t for everyone he he he
It is a hamstring.
If you don’t change it know you are hamstringing yourself.
If you want a challenge stay fat.
If you want it to get easier to game chicks get in shape.

gunslingergregi, i’m not referring to myself. i’m referring to a general issue, and giving an example of how this script wouldn’t necessarily function automatically. i commented on this post, left for the gym, and got back just now. i’m 5’11” and 180 lbs.

you’re right–you build your confidence over time. i’m just trying to build that and other matters into a corollary or set of preconditions that frame all of these script suggestions. none of them haven’t been mentioned here before–in fact, that’s what the sixteen commandments of poon is, for example. just sounding a reminder.

a lot of commenters are making the same observation here. (everyone’s on the same page. lovely.) perhaps roissy should put a disclaimer on all posts like this. might reference his 16 commandments thing, or say briefly, “this essentially assumes x, y, and z,” or both.

It’s transparent and annoying only when you read a random guy on the internet type this. But if the guy is in front of yo and he’s cute and has smooth delivery and a light teasing tone, you will start giggling.

Girls always get giddy when I pull their leg like that or deflect interivew-style questions. But if I typed the same stuff on a computer screen, it woudl come across as dry and annoying.

@what
“It’s complicated”= the guy has baggage or is being evasive=qualities to stay away from…watch it….red flag!

“Why is that important for you to know”= the guy has baggage or is evasive =qualities to stay away from ….watch it…red flag!!

Gorb,

Sorry, that is NOT funny and mysterious. It’s so transparent and annoying!

Of course not. It’s not in context and I just made it up. The point is: pat phrases are not useful unless placed solidly in context.

And a woman who is really angling after hard answers is near-next to impossible to deflect – unless you massage the situation like a gnarly old woman with huge hands who’s been massaging people for 50 years.

Please ignore this bullshit. Remember folks, when dealing with women: don’t listen to what they say would do over the internet—just watch what they do in waking life.

“It’s complicated” and “What do you care?” et al. aren’t designed to shutdown the line of questioning, so much as put the girl on the defensive. Doing this is immensely useful to the seducer.

_____________________________

x1000

The day I began to ignore women’s “advice” about how to pick up women was the day I finally started to understand how to REALLY pick up women. Even the most intelligent or observant ones really have no fucking clue.

After all, I wouldn’t ask a deer how to hunt a deer or ask a fish about how to catch a fish. I would learn from masters, observe the animals’ behavior myself, and go from there.

Personally, I have found almost any bullshit line that invites ambiguous interpretation or is totally outlandish to be useful: the more absurd the better, at least with the kind of women I target. They’re useful because even if they don’t elicit a laugh they provoke some kind of a reaction, which can used to pivot into another line. Which elicits another reaction. Then lather, rinse, and repeat as needed.

Well this was i good one, much better then the previous one with with the braces, its to much out of the blue and not relevant to the situation for me, whereas this one is really good.
I once asked my ex bf how many girls he has been with and he replied, do you really want to know? I sad no.

Women have no idea what actually turns them on. When they give derision or advice, it’s safely ignored.

Go to a club or bad or place where women congregate to elicit responses from men. Watch how they behave (like rutting animals, the men and women in these places). Go to the beach and see the women cavorting and preening and displaying for the men.

All of the advice you’ll get from people who don’t chase women is useless (AHE counts as a woman for this evaluation, among others).

Women have no idea what turns them on, what makes them talk to a guy who isn’t as handsome as X, but just has that …

Je ne sais quoi, …

That thing.

No woman I’ve ever met has ever been able to quantify that “je ne sais quoi”. And yet, they all fall hook, line and sinker for it, because this is what they so desperately want. They want and need it and cry for it and complain to their Manginas and Cuddlebuddies about how it’s so hard to find.

And @What: it may sound stilted here on the computer screen, but believe me, this sort of thing works on women, when delivered by a smart guy who’s socially got his shit together. And it works on all women. All the time.

“But an evasive answer would never work on me.” – “My bullshit detector is tuned super high and nothing gets by me. I’m so smart.”

“What women say they want, what they think they want, and what they respond to biologically are three VERY different things.”

This is true for all but the most ruthlessly self-aware and self-honest women, representing 0.001% of the population or less, and are almost all grandmotherly types, wise old crones who’ve seen & done it all.

It’s a good tool to use. If she Is the least bit interested in you then her having to explain herself will help create investment on her part. However, it could always blow up in your face if she doesn’t jump through your hoop. In that case you know she’s not that interested/attracted, yet.

“Why is that important for you to know” sounds overly formal. If the premise is that there is an age/experience difference between the man and the sweet thing you need to keep it playful but condescending. What do you do for a living? This and that (said playfully – A silly response to a silly question – you asking me what I do is akin to a 4 year-old daughter quizzing her dad about the details of his workday) No really what do you do? C’mon, is it that important? (Glancing at her cleavage and smiling). I reassure you I can afford to take you to a top end bed and breakfast in Newport next month, St. Martin the month after that, and buy you an Audi A4 for Christmas. These aren’t promises though, we have to see if it works out – I’m kind of particular. I don’t really know about this age thing – you know there is a significant experience difference here – not that that’s a bad thing but sometimes I think you younger women would be more at ease with a younger guy it would be easier to please him.

When I don’t want to answer a question what I’ve found effective is to pretend to have misunderstood the question, restate it back the way you want and give the answer to the twist you picked in a way to allow a subject change.

Back in my dating days, I would try to be entertaining with my response to questions.

Q: “Is that your girlfriend?”
A: “Why? Do you want to ask her out? I’m not sure if she’s into girl-on-girl right now, but I can ask her if she’ll make an exception for you…”

Q: “What do you do for a living?”
A: “I’m a mercenary. Just back from Afghanistan.”
Q: “No, really, what do you do?”
A: “I’m in charge of tracking down stray nuclear weapons, recovering them, and bringing them back to get the deposit on them.”

It’s mental exercise to be able to take an absurd answer and just keep running with the story with a straight face until she breaks down laughing.

One girl at a friend’s house, she had a very nice jeweled crucifix around her neck, and I told her I thought it was very pretty. She asks “Are you sure you aren’t using that as an excuse to stare at my chest?” I reply “No. If I was going to compliment you on your breasts, I would have complimented you on your breasts. They’re very nice breasts, large firm, and shapely. But I really was noticing the necklace”. Her embarrassed laughter went on for a couple of minutes. Later that evening she did let me examine her breasts.

While I get my kicks out of not asking men what they do for a living and watching the squirms start to spread as they have to find other ways to validate themselves, I have been hit with this before.

My usual reaction is something along the lines of, “I don’t need to know but we’re about to hit a lull in conversation so I thought I’d ask an open-ended question to keep awkwardness from ensuing like it’s doing now. Good job.”

This is said either with cute sass and a total, “You want to spank me now, don’t you?” smile or complete monotone, depending on my conversation partner.

[quote]”If you’re an older guy and a chick asks “how old are you?” you say immediately “why is that important for you to know?”, what could she possibly say in response?”[/quote]

the problem with an example like this is that it sounds as if it is you who is offended and on the defensive end. A better respond would be:

“How old do you think I am? and then respond “you got it when she attempts to guess with a number (no matter if she got it wrong, if she is interested she would guess you to be younger then you are and then you just move on to another topic).

Or you could straight out put her on a defensive end by being brutally honest with the situation and then you can easily change the topic as a result:

Woman: How old are you?
You: hmm that’s interesting…
Woman: what is?
You: The last girl that asked me that question, ended up being my girlfriend for 9 months.

A: I clean toilets.
A: I run some businesses. It’s complicated.
A: Having a good life. What’s your job?
A: I do a few things. A little cosmetic surgery, a little corporate law, a little surfboard instruction. I guess you could say I’m a dabbler.
A: I sell fake passports.
A: I seduce young rich women and get them to give me a monthly allowance.
A: I train cruise ship employees how to seduce the older women. Ya, I bet you didn’t know that’s part of cruise ship employment training nowadays, did you?
A: My job? You mean right now? I’d say my job is to get you into bed.

A: A: I do a few things. A little cosmetic surgery, a little corporate law, a little surfboard instruction. And odd jobs. My last project was helping out with some bridge engineering for a project in Taiwan. A few newspapers publish my advice column. I guess you could say I’m a dabbler.

Q: Ha ha. No, really. What’s your job?

A: Are you saying you don’t believe me? Ok, maybe not ALL those things. Mostly I clean toilets.

Q: Ewww! Come on. Be serious!

A: (Pause until she speaks again, holding eye contact.)

Q: I’m trying to get to know you. Don’t be so evasive!

A: Well, I don’t tell just anyone what my real job is. Maybe later.

Q: (Looks at watch) Ok. It’s later.

A: I sell fake passports. (look at her sideways as if judging her reaction to see if she’ll turn you in, look sideways to see if anyone was listening) No! No! Just kidding!

Q: Really?

A: Well, it’s a little embarassing, but if you MUST know, I seduce young rich women and get them to give me a monthly allowance.

Q: Oh, come on!

A: Na, not really. That would be unethical. I train cruise ship employees how to seduce the older women. Ya, I bet you didn’t know that’s part of cruise ship employment training nowadays, did you?

In sales, a related trick is “That’s a great question. Why do you ask?” However, this has a very different goal. Too often in sales reps assume the meaning behind a question, but it’s often the question behind the question that really needs to be understood.

@xsplat – what you have is a script for a romantic comedy, not an actual strategy. Better to be in the moment and react authentically than try to anticipate where the conversation is headed. It almost always backfires.

A: yo xoy el primero licor del bar, and las hotties will come to me, and will even be like vamos vamos a pagar!
they are encantadas to pay para mi awesome sabor, so no tengo problemos con having to find trabajo.
instead i will just sit there y esperé el pago de las hotties who desire mi sabor ANTIOQUEÑO (no de bogo77a!!).

por ejemplo, it says right on mi etiqueta that xoy ANTIOQUEÑO (hijo de la tierra no xoy de bogo77a!!). esa es una identity muy prestigious, y i cannot help but broadcastarla al mundo. No estoy trying to impress nadie, xólo xoy what i am, what you see is what you get, y las hotties will come to me, and will even be like vamos vamos, dale dale medellín, vamos to pay for el awesome sabor del aguardiente ANTIOQUEÑO (no de bogo77a!!).

on la otra hand, también es posible que these hombres are just trying way too hard

Even more generally, any INAPPROPRIATE to the moment/level of acquaintance statement OR question is an opportunity to tease the girl and put her on the defensive. All it requires is solid, relaxed frame backing.

Could I suggest a book for aspiring gamers?

“Directing Actors” by Judith Weston. Especially for Spergy-leaning types. There’s a multitude of ways to deliver a line, each having quite a different effect.

is it “why is that important for you to know?” (with emphasis on “that”) or “why is that important for you to know?” (with emphasis on “important”) or “why is that important for you to know?” (with emphasis on “you”)? A whole different meaning each time.

That’s the way to say it. Don’t snap at her, say it as if you started suspect something from the fact that she wants to know your age or whatever it is. Like, for example, that she has daddy issues and is looking for older guys.

Aguardiente and Dragnet, I’m gonna go with trying too hard and weak game because usually it comes off as incredibly awkward. I didn’t ask because I don’t particularly care when I first meet a guy. Then they volunteer it out of nowhere like Rainman.

I nod, smile, and try to be polite thinking, “I hope he has more going for him than his job.” It’s a relief if he continues the verbal essay with some kind of a hobby (not WoW).

It’s probably my fault since I tend to go with muscley lummoxes. Not usually the most socially smooth guys. I figure it’s one of those tradeoffs.

If it is status enhancing, I answer the question truthfully. If it’s status demeaning somehow, or will affect my game, I turn it around on her with “what value is there in that conversation?”

If it is a shit-test issue, I say “I wouldn’t waste my time considering it.” or “there are plenty of people in this world who waste their time on those problems. I’m not one of them.”

Body language is very important in delivery. Demeaning a woman’s status with body language, especially to her friends, works flawlessly.

Having a real game: a career, friends, assets, interests, a sports team, is what she’s often testing for. The best solution is to have what she’s testing for, and test her worthiness of it.

I learned to be arrogant as hell. They love it. I my case, making them feel stupid, unaccomplished and barely worthy of my time.

My favorite line I’ve ever heard was while sitting in a hotel lobby talking about something I was working on and the woman said “I have no idea what you’re talking about but it’s making me wet. It’s exasperating.” With this quizzical look on her face. That one line contains all the evidence I ever needed: attraction is unconscious.