It all started about a year ago when a clever band of bakers at Patissez started to put together different elements in a mason jar to create a beautifully handcrafted milkshake that came to be known to the world as a freakshake. Mumbai adopted the phenomenon six months ago when 145 Kalaghoda introduced a range of disturbingly tempting milkshakes followed by Spesso, Mighty Small and most recently, Di Bella.

So what is a freakshake? It’s a dense creamy milkshake you get to after making your way through whipped cream topped with Oreo, chocolate swirls, gems and some even with mini pretzels and waffles. There’s an overload of sugary elements to indulge your sweet tooth cravings but truth be told, they overwhelm the milkshake and actually make it seem least important.

Now don’t get me wrong. But something about this freakshake looked so darn good that it makes me wonder, does it taste as great as it looks? How am I supposed to have it without making a mess? And most important, is it really worth those 1,500 calories?

For starters, don’t ever order for one on your first date. Trust me, I’m still regretting it. Sitting perfectly, enjoying every bit of the conversation, waiting for our 40-minute long order, everything was going flawlessly. I was talking passionately about food and my chocolate weakness and how I could just drown in brown. And he was sipping on green tea, agreeing on the chocolate bit and probably judging me for ordering this monster from the description of it.

Photograph by Janak Vegad

As soon as it arrived, I followed the routine by snapchatting, instagramming and what not. Then I started to eat it (yes, you have to eat this one). To my dismay, my face was smothered with whipped cream as I tried to sip through, my hands filled with chocolate sauce and my dress was eating the mini decorations on top. Had I just ruined the chances of a second date? I slowly grabbed the spoon and bravely started tackling this beast, trying to be as proper as I could be. When I finally reached the milkshake bit, stuffed to the core, I struggled to finish the last bit of it. The dictionary defines paradox as “a statement that despite apparently sound reasoning from true premises, leads to a self-contradictory or a logically unacceptable conclusion,” and that is exactly what the freakshake did to me.

It looked fabulous but it didn’t taste that great. Yes, the toppings did complement each other but can you really eat them all together?

This date certainly did not have a happy ending. No, I’m not talking about my green tea boy; let’s just say I never landed up ordering a freakshake again. My main point: Is everyone freaking out about freakshakes merely because they’re eye candy, or do they actually dig their taste?