Lock the princess in the tower

Author Peggy Orenstein is disturbed by images

Updated 5:30 am, Monday, May 2, 2011

Author and journalist Peggy Orenstein is worried about the influence princesses have over young girls.

Author and journalist Peggy Orenstein is worried about the influence princesses have over young girls.

Photo: COURTESY PHOTO

Lock the princess in the tower

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Peggy Orenstein had a baby girl seven years ago. The blessed event occurred after almost two decades of studying girls, interviewing girls and writing about girls, and Orenstein was terrified.

"I felt like the perpetual backseat driver who freezes when handed the wheel," she writes in her new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter.

Orenstein, 49, says she was on relative Easy Street for the first two years of little Daisy's life.

Then her toddler began learning about Disney princesses. And princess clothes and accessories. And lip gloss. And fake fingernails. And many other pink and purple objects, all of them marketed to little girls.

Birthday parties that once featured pin the tail on the donkey now are manicure and pedicure extravaganzas. Cosmetic manufacturers push their products to girls 8 to 12, a rapidly growing market. Orenstein frets over girls' clothes, especially the push-up bra tops for the preteen set.

"Push up what, I don't know," she says. "Or, if there is something, why push it up?"

Orenstein's own, unrushed childhood took place in Minneapolis, where she was the youngest and the only girl in her family. For entertainment, she followed her brothers and played outside until dark or sat on the couch with her best friend and read piles of books.

Flash forward roughly two decades and she was finishing a stint as managing editor of Mother Jones magazine and starting her first book, Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self Esteem, and the Confidence Gap.

"I had a big success really young," she says.

She says she didn't understand, for example, that most people don't have an idea for a book, sell the book, write the book, then instantly tour every talk show in the country.

What she did understand, innately and professionally, were girls.

"I just love to talk to girls of all ages, but especially those 13 and up. They're so thoughtful. People think they have nothing going on, but if you sit and listen, so much comes up. They have this physical open-heartedness."

Today's focus on appearance and beauty is unrelenting, says Orenstein, who finds the emphasis on princesses and princess accessories tiresome at best.

Little girls aren't the only targets. Maternity tops feature an arrow pointing to a woman's mid-section and the words, "I'm growing a princess." Even infant onesies are branded.

"What's all this about?" Orenstein asks. "Parents want their daughters to be the special chosen ones. But that sense of specialness can turn into entitlement, narcissism and self-absorption."

The other day Daisy was playing with iron-on decorations for a purse. Among the hearts and flowers were the words "spoiled brat" and "pampered princess."

Puzzled, Daisy asked, "Why would I put the word 'spoiled' on my purse?"

"I don't know," Orenstein replied. "Let's throw that one away."

Corporations can't be faulted for trying to make money, Orenstein says. But it's up to parents to protect their children and be canny and careful consumers.

For example, she says, 4-year-old girls do want to express their gender identification, but that doesn't mean their birthday parties have to include spa treatments, the mani-pedis or Disney princess grapes.

"Emulating princesses has taken over creative play," Hutchins says, "and there aren't too many alternatives. There's still a lot of resistance to anything that sounds like feminism — there's a backlash against it."

What that means, Hutchins says, is that parents encourage their girls to be physical, to be assertive, to do it all and have it all, but they're still expected to look like stereotypical, frilly, sugar and spice girls in the process.

"Climb the mountain, but be sure your nails are perfect at the top," Hutchins says of the attitude.

Boys don't go unscathed either. "Boys have these depictions of hyper-masculinity that they have to conform to," Hutchins says. "New story, same kind of stereotype."

"Girls at age 4 or 5 are watching Miley Cyrus look perfect all the time," she says. "The children see her and wonder, 'How do I keep up with that?' They're hungry for the things that empower them and help them with their self-esteem."

Parents get caught in the traps, too, Kirkup says. "They wonder, 'Is this OK? Are we rushing childhood?' And they're struggling with the competitive thing. It sounds like this: 'I did all this for my child. What are you doing for yours?'"