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January 29, 2007

To the Korean Weatherman

Is it me, or is the accuracy of Korean weather prediction pretty much near the same rate as random chance? I mean, before the weekend, I was getting weather warnings from KTF, people were telling me that my internal organs were going to freeze solid unless I wore 3 layers of naebok, and that I had better sequester myself at home lest I catch sudden pneumonia and die a horrible death, hacking chunks of my lungs out into empty, instant ramen cups alone in my officetel.

Generally, I think Korean people vocalize way too much about how hot or cold they are – earlier in my days of learning Korean, a woman got on an elevator and was repeating very loudly that it was "so cold, so cold," to which I responded that "yeah, it is, isn't it?" She looked at me like I was the crazy one, although I still think, at least I'm not talking to myself in an elevator.

Anyway, this message goes out to all the Korean meteorologists who can't seem to be even in the range of 50% as to whether it will rain, sleet, or hail on any given day, let alone several in advance.

"You gots to chill."

Yes, it's a ham-handed segue into the random piece of retro pop culture I am going to throw your way today, but I thought it would be intemperate of me not to offer it. Guffaw, guffaw. You'll have to forgive me that piece of punnery, please.

IN 1986/7, EPMD – short for "Erick and Parrish Making Dollars" – released the "freshest" rap song that wouldn't be played on MTV (that network had still not decided that rap was music yet, so, to all you boys and girls who remember, rap didn't make it into the definition of "music" until DJ Jazzy Jeff's "Parents Just Don't Understand" absolutely forced them to let black people onto the until-then mostly white airwaves, which effectively killed BET's "Rap City", but I digress) until a couple years later.

I be the personal computer, information on rap
Like the B-I-Z Markie says, I'll make your toes tap
I format the rhymes step by step
Make 'em sound def to maintain my rep
Prepared to come off in case of a diss
Not worried about a thing, cos we can do this
I can turn the party out just by standin' still
Make the ladies scream and shout while the brothers act ill
Take total control of your body and soul
Pack a nine in my pants for when it's time to roll...

Ah...the 80's. EPMD defined the prime time, in my humble estimation, of rap's reign: right before it went commercial, having developed itself past the point of predictable simplicity, but before it developed into the many major strains of commercialism and self-serving narcissism one can see today.

It was also the last days of free sampling, when people without a huge record label's studio could afford to sample the classic hooks of the greats who came before them. That's why only "P. Diddy" or Dr. Dre can afford to manufacture the sweet beats and musical hooks today, while those without are simply left to stay very illegally underground, or come up only through commercial channels, which are, to say the least, artistically limiting.

To say sampling was stealing was a stretch, since everyone knew where what was coming from, and the fun in the game was reusing the parts the most creatively to construct new musical structures.

Anyway, that's the intellectualized way of saying that sampling made rap great, and literally the freshest musical form American culture had seen in a long time, in literally and lyrically constructing a genre from the leftover detritus of other ones – rock, blues, jazz, and even classical.

Two turntables and a mixer later, you had the deffest post-modern pastiche your ass could ever shake to. Word.

More EPMD:

Catch every word I'm sayin', no there's no delayin'
Don't hestitate to motivate the crowd, I'm not playin'
Seeing is believing, you catch my drift?
Don't try to adapt because I'm just too swift
(How swift?) I'm so swift and that's an actual fact
I'm like Zorro, I mark a E on your back
I don't swing on no ropes or no iron cords
The only weapon is my rappin' sword...

Niiice. And yes, I most certainly did learn those most basic, funky, yet comical moves that guy in the yellow was doing, although I only got to see this particular video twice. Twice, dude.

On a side note, given the generally corny state of videos back in nearly the mid-1980's, the "You Gots to Chill" production was very well done. I mean, it prefaced the late-1990's obsession with super-close-Madonna/Beyonce cam, mirrored by the nearly macro model photography made popular with the reuse of the ringflashes and strobes. That split-screen effect, with the evenly-lit face of one of the pair rapping while the other or someone else danced in the background was surprisingly fresh back in the day, which is one of the reasons that video, which I barely ever saw, stuck out in my head.

The style of the video itself was indeed "chill," and not BellBivDevoe bombastic; I liked the effect of having them rap in a cold room with the condensation from their breath emphasizing the chilly point of the song, punctuated by some kitschy shots of 50's-era refrigerator commercials. Chilly chill.

And through the magic of YouTube, I can now run most of the video on a loop and practice the dance moves again. Seriously, EMPD and many, many other great groups out there from back in the day – you need to get some cheap DVD compilations of your videos out pronto.

Or put 'em on iTunes. I'd buy each and every one of the Fat Boys, EPMD, and N.W.A. videos, none of which I really got to see much play of besides when I happened to catch a particular song on BET (Black Entertainment Television, for those of you who didn't catch it above).

By the time MTV got around to letting rap videos on, the heydey of many of the great rap videos was gone.

So we have a mini "black hole" – ahem – in the visibility of many of rap's greatest rap videos. Indeed, who can argue that the world doesn't need to take heed of this poignant message?

Intimidate MC's with the tone of my vocal drone
When I'm pushin' on the microphone
Cos I'm the funky rhyme maker, MC undertaker
The one who likes to max and relax
And, when it's time, issue diggum-smacks
I keep their hands clappin', fingers snappin', feet tappin'
When it's time to roll Uzi patrol's packin'
The Pee MD, the mic's my only friend
And through the course of the party I kill again and again
So if you're thinkin' 'bout battlin' you better come prepared
Come wit' your shield and your armoured gear
You gots to chill...

Back when violent lyrics were mere metaphor, and nobody was really rollin' with Uzis, other than the lyrical kind, of course.

Send Erick and Parrish, the "green-eyed bandit," to some Six-Party Talks. We don't need to regulate with force, or the threat thereof; shouldn't the nations of the world simply suffice with issuing verbal "diggum smacks" on a stage everyone can see?

We'd rap North Korea's ass off. South Korea would give the US a serious run for its money in the breakdancing arena, however, since we haven't been developing that face-off technology very much since the 1980's.

Comments

To the Korean Weatherman

Is it me, or is the accuracy of Korean weather prediction pretty much near the same rate as random chance? I mean, before the weekend, I was getting weather warnings from KTF, people were telling me that my internal organs were going to freeze solid unless I wore 3 layers of naebok, and that I had better sequester myself at home lest I catch sudden pneumonia and die a horrible death, hacking chunks of my lungs out into empty, instant ramen cups alone in my officetel.

Generally, I think Korean people vocalize way too much about how hot or cold they are – earlier in my days of learning Korean, a woman got on an elevator and was repeating very loudly that it was "so cold, so cold," to which I responded that "yeah, it is, isn't it?" She looked at me like I was the crazy one, although I still think, at least I'm not talking to myself in an elevator.

Anyway, this message goes out to all the Korean meteorologists who can't seem to be even in the range of 50% as to whether it will rain, sleet, or hail on any given day, let alone several in advance.

"You gots to chill."

Yes, it's a ham-handed segue into the random piece of retro pop culture I am going to throw your way today, but I thought it would be intemperate of me not to offer it. Guffaw, guffaw. You'll have to forgive me that piece of punnery, please.

IN 1986/7, EPMD – short for "Erick and Parrish Making Dollars" – released the "freshest" rap song that wouldn't be played on MTV (that network had still not decided that rap was music yet, so, to all you boys and girls who remember, rap didn't make it into the definition of "music" until DJ Jazzy Jeff's "Parents Just Don't Understand" absolutely forced them to let black people onto the until-then mostly white airwaves, which effectively killed BET's "Rap City", but I digress) until a couple years later.

I be the personal computer, information on rap
Like the B-I-Z Markie says, I'll make your toes tap
I format the rhymes step by step
Make 'em sound def to maintain my rep
Prepared to come off in case of a diss
Not worried about a thing, cos we can do this
I can turn the party out just by standin' still
Make the ladies scream and shout while the brothers act ill
Take total control of your body and soul
Pack a nine in my pants for when it's time to roll...

Ah...the 80's. EPMD defined the prime time, in my humble estimation, of rap's reign: right before it went commercial, having developed itself past the point of predictable simplicity, but before it developed into the many major strains of commercialism and self-serving narcissism one can see today.

It was also the last days of free sampling, when people without a huge record label's studio could afford to sample the classic hooks of the greats who came before them. That's why only "P. Diddy" or Dr. Dre can afford to manufacture the sweet beats and musical hooks today, while those without are simply left to stay very illegally underground, or come up only through commercial channels, which are, to say the least, artistically limiting.

To say sampling was stealing was a stretch, since everyone knew where what was coming from, and the fun in the game was reusing the parts the most creatively to construct new musical structures.

Anyway, that's the intellectualized way of saying that sampling made rap great, and literally the freshest musical form American culture had seen in a long time, in literally and lyrically constructing a genre from the leftover detritus of other ones – rock, blues, jazz, and even classical.

Two turntables and a mixer later, you had the deffest post-modern pastiche your ass could ever shake to. Word.

More EPMD:

Catch every word I'm sayin', no there's no delayin'
Don't hestitate to motivate the crowd, I'm not playin'
Seeing is believing, you catch my drift?
Don't try to adapt because I'm just too swift
(How swift?) I'm so swift and that's an actual fact
I'm like Zorro, I mark a E on your back
I don't swing on no ropes or no iron cords
The only weapon is my rappin' sword...

Niiice. And yes, I most certainly did learn those most basic, funky, yet comical moves that guy in the yellow was doing, although I only got to see this particular video twice. Twice, dude.

On a side note, given the generally corny state of videos back in nearly the mid-1980's, the "You Gots to Chill" production was very well done. I mean, it prefaced the late-1990's obsession with super-close-Madonna/Beyonce cam, mirrored by the nearly macro model photography made popular with the reuse of the ringflashes and strobes. That split-screen effect, with the evenly-lit face of one of the pair rapping while the other or someone else danced in the background was surprisingly fresh back in the day, which is one of the reasons that video, which I barely ever saw, stuck out in my head.

The style of the video itself was indeed "chill," and not BellBivDevoe bombastic; I liked the effect of having them rap in a cold room with the condensation from their breath emphasizing the chilly point of the song, punctuated by some kitschy shots of 50's-era refrigerator commercials. Chilly chill.

And through the magic of YouTube, I can now run most of the video on a loop and practice the dance moves again. Seriously, EMPD and many, many other great groups out there from back in the day – you need to get some cheap DVD compilations of your videos out pronto.

Or put 'em on iTunes. I'd buy each and every one of the Fat Boys, EPMD, and N.W.A. videos, none of which I really got to see much play of besides when I happened to catch a particular song on BET (Black Entertainment Television, for those of you who didn't catch it above).

By the time MTV got around to letting rap videos on, the heydey of many of the great rap videos was gone.

So we have a mini "black hole" – ahem – in the visibility of many of rap's greatest rap videos. Indeed, who can argue that the world doesn't need to take heed of this poignant message?

Intimidate MC's with the tone of my vocal drone
When I'm pushin' on the microphone
Cos I'm the funky rhyme maker, MC undertaker
The one who likes to max and relax
And, when it's time, issue diggum-smacks
I keep their hands clappin', fingers snappin', feet tappin'
When it's time to roll Uzi patrol's packin'
The Pee MD, the mic's my only friend
And through the course of the party I kill again and again
So if you're thinkin' 'bout battlin' you better come prepared
Come wit' your shield and your armoured gear
You gots to chill...

Back when violent lyrics were mere metaphor, and nobody was really rollin' with Uzis, other than the lyrical kind, of course.

Send Erick and Parrish, the "green-eyed bandit," to some Six-Party Talks. We don't need to regulate with force, or the threat thereof; shouldn't the nations of the world simply suffice with issuing verbal "diggum smacks" on a stage everyone can see?

We'd rap North Korea's ass off. South Korea would give the US a serious run for its money in the breakdancing arena, however, since we haven't been developing that face-off technology very much since the 1980's.

"Why Be Critical?"

Before you say this site is "anti-Korean" or bashing Korea – read this: "Why Be Critical?" Chances are, if you're simply angry because I am a social critic in Korea but not actually Korean, see if your argument isn't just a kneejerk response that follows these patterns.

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Photo Classes!

Session 1: Just the Basics
Dealing with the basic operations and functions of your DSLR, explaining each function, button, and doo-hickey. The bulk of the session is likely going to stick around the relationship between aperture and shutter, as well as depth-of-field. Basically everything on your camera has something to do with this relationship.

Session 2: Composition and Shooting (Shooting Session 1)
We'll take those examples and look at them on the big screen, while also answering the concrete questions that will pop up about the stuff we learned before. Then we'll talk about composition and other framing issues, including lens lengths and why some lenses are worth $100 bucks and some are worth $10,000.

Session 3: Flashes and Advanced Exposure (Shooting Session 2)
Dealing with flash, in terms of compensating above and below exposure levels (bracketing), as well as other bracketing techniques in general.

Session 4: Final Session/Critiques
Keeping it open, determined by the class.

Four 3-hour sessions, as well as shooting sessions, photo discussions, and critiques. An individual photo essay will also be done as part of the ongoing class assignments. Inquire at the email address at the top right of this page.

As for my photo book (now in limbo due to editorial differences with the publisher), you can see the representative chapters from the "Seoul Essays" posts below. Note that Chapter 3 remains undone and in limbo on my computer: