Friday, August 24, 2012

Nurse the Hate: Hate The Indians

I had Cleveland Indians season tickets from 1994-2007.I stopped buying tickets and supporting the
team when I realized that the owners had, at best, a passive interest in
winning.Why would I spend money and
give a fuck when the guys that own the team care less than I did?Don’t get me wrong.I’m sure the Dolans wish that the team would win.I mean, who wouldn’t?However,
these guys clearly are not ready to do what is necessary to make that outcome
happen though their actions.The idea
that they can throw a bunch of young kids, retreads, and career minor leaguers
out on the diamond and hope that they beat the odds and win is probably not the
best way to succeed.You know who has
done that and won?Nobody.

The Indians stunning collapse this July/August would send
most owners into a frenzy.The team has
lost 21 of their last 25 and eight in a row as I write this.If I owned the team I would have someone’s
head on a pike in the outfield.“Long
fly ball to left!Duncan should get
it…Wait!The ball careens off the head of ex-manager
Manny Acta that is impaled on a stick and rolls towards right!This will be extra bases for Cano!Matt, did I see part of Manny’s jaw fall
off?Boy!What a hard hit ball!”

You may be surprised to know that the man pictured above is not going to
make any rash moves.That’s
shocking.Usually when I see an Opie
Taylor haircut and accountant glasses, I think “maverick”.Paul Dolan went to Indians manager Manny
Acta’s charity event at a bowling alley downtown in Cleveland last night and said
"As I sit here today, I have no intent to make any changes. I have to
understand what's happened. I'm not going to have that understanding today.
Hopefully, sometime in this off-season, we'll be able to assess and move from
there.''He then reiterated he has no
plans to fire manager Manny Acta, who has one year left in his contract.

Huh?

Let me ask you… If you don’t fire a manager that is in charge
of a team that has lost 21 of 25 immediately after putting themselves in a
position to win the division, what are
the circumstances in which you do fire a manager? They have won 16% of their games in a sport where
the horrible teams win 40%.I think we
can comfortably say that winning and losing has nothing to do with your
employment status as manager of the 2012 Cleveland Indians.So what does he have to do to get fired?“Mr. Dolan…Manny Acta was seen in the bullpen nude and erect wearing angel’s wings
shooting a bow and arrow at fans.Do you
plan on retaining him as manager?”As I sit here today, I have no plans on
making any changes.“Last week Acta
did somersaults out to the pitching mound while dressed as Hitler to remove
Justin Masterson from the game against the Royals. Did you consider removing him as manager then?”As I
sit here today, I have no plans on making any changes.“The
team has not won a game since Manny Acta has installed a pitching machine as
his starting pitcher on Wednesday, and he says he plans on continuing to use
the pitching machine for the foreseeable future.Have you and General Manager Chris Antonetti
discussed that at all?As I sit here today, I have no plans on
making any changes.“Sir…Acta is openly drinking whiskey and smoking
while in the dugout now.I think he has
also stopped using toilets and is soiling himself.Will that be addressed at all?”

The ownership of the Indians are not winners.That’s all there is to it.They sat down at a poker table where they don’t
have deep enough pockets and aren’t as good as the other poker players.That in an unenviable position.They also can’t afford to sell the team
because they paid too much for it.You
know what that means?It means the
Indians are going to suck forever and nobody is going to the games.This cycle will only get worse.The team should pull up those seats in the
upper decks out in right and left field.You’ll want to keep the area clear so you can see when the feral cats overrun
the area.There will be open tire fires
and bums fighting over half bottles of fortified wine.Guys in tattered rags and rotted teeth will
be selling meth.“I haven’t seen my
daughter since she went to Section 579 on Dollar Dog Day.I miss my little girl!”

Acta himself told his players "they can't fire all 25 players, so relax and play ball". Damn straight. Lucky for him, I don't think they want to pay off that year left on his contract, so he's good to go too. He should start coming to the ballpark in a robe. Maybe just Skype himself in to manage while he's relaxing out on his patio. Dude, I guess they aren't firing you. Go for it. What's the team going to do? Play poorly?

About Me

As the singer of The Whiskey Daredevils, a group of barely talented dead beat no frills rockers, I travel a great many hours in a van. In this van, many opinions are formed that need to be shared in this space. There are many things that make sense in the van that don't make nearly as much sense in the cold harsh light of daylight. This is not my concern.