It’s the story that everyone knows. The sophomore girl falls in love with the handsome senior boy, and together, they take on high school, hand in hand. Stories similar to this one have often been told in books, movies and TV shows. High school relationships are so commonly portrayed this way in the media, but the reality of dating in high school is much different.

With the many
aspects of a teenager’s life, dating is one that can be considered both an
opportunity and a challenge. It can be an opportunity in which teens are able
to get to know other people and create relationships with others. Some teens
enjoy dating, but avoid dating seriously because they see it as a risk.

“For me,
personally, I do not choose to have one [a relationship] in high school because
it can cause a lot of heartbreak, stress and loss of friendships,” senior Ally
Brotherson said.

Many teens
experience the challenges that Brotherson mentioned in their own relationships,
and others feel the same way and choose not to get into relationships.

Some teens avoid
dating because of the dangers that can come from an unhealthy relationship. A
term that is commonly used to describe unhealthy relationships is “toxic.”

Toxic relationships prevent those involved from living a positive
or healthy life.

Seniors Ryan
Mineer and Cole Allred have been dating each other for 10 months. Both of them
have been in other relationships that they considered toxic relationships.

“I’ve been in
emotionally, verbally and physically abusive relationships,” Mineer said. “And
so I would say, when we started dating, I was still scared of some things, even
though I know he would never do anything like that, I was still cautious
because I’ve had three relationships that were exactly the same.”

Mineer and Allred
agreed that it is important to get out of toxic relationships as soon as
possible. Allred said that sometimes people might not leave the toxic
relationships they are in because they don’t know what they would do without
them. It is common for people to develop this feeling when they become
dependent on another person.

“Steady dating is
always a double-edged sword,” said counselor and teacher Ben Cox, “because I
think for some students, it provides much of what they’re looking for in terms
of filling the needs that we have as human beings, for love and belonging,
self-respect and those kind of things. The problem is that most of the time,
teenagers are insecure and unstable.”

Cox believes that
it can be harmful not only for teenagers, but for all people, to put their
needs in the hands of those who are emotionally
volatile.

“When our love
and happiness is tied up with someone who is not secure or not stable, we are
bound to be insecure and unstable
ourselves,” Cox said.

Mineer
experienced being in a relationship in which her boyfriend had become very
emotionally reliant on her. She became concerned that she could not provide the
support that he needed.

“He would tell me
all the time, ‘I could not live my life without you. I don’t want to live my life
without you. I can’t see myself going another day if I didn’t have you,’”
Mineer said. “There was this one week where he just kept saying all these
comments like, ‘I don’t want to live. I don’t want this. I don’t want that,’
and so I was absolutely terrified to leave because I didn’t know what would
happen. Finally, I involved his parents and told him, ‘I can’t do this
anymore.’”

It can be
difficult for teenagers to engage in relationships because they often become
very dependent on one another. When one becomes dependent on the other, their
actions and emotions have a great affect on them personally. Those that are
insecure may pressure their partner into staying in the relationship, despite
how the other person may feel.

Not all
relationships are toxic or unhealthy relationships, and it’s not impossible to
find a healthy and happy relationship in high school.

Senior Halli Bennett is one
of many teens that have seen the positive effects that dating in high school
can have. She and her boyfriend attend different schools, which Bennett sees as
both an advantage and disadvantage.

“We have two
totally different lives, which can be nice. When we’re with each other, we just
always get to catch up, and we’re not part of each other’s drama, so we always
have kind of a safe place to turn,” Bennett said.

Bennett thinks
that the distance has been a positive thing for their relationship because they
can share time with each other but they are also able to be involved in their
own things.

“I’m able to have
my friends and my life and not feel like I’m
missing out on something,” Bennett said. Before she got into a
relationship, she was worried about dating because she didn’t want to be uninvolved. Since she started dating,
she’s found that she has had more opportunities than she would have had outside
of her relationship.

Bennett said that
her friends and family respect her relationship, and she hasn’t felt judged by
others for dating. It isn’t always common for teens to experience the same
support that Bennett receives from those around her. Many experience pressure
from their parents not to date or judgment from their peers for their choice to
date.

“Parents always
discourage teenagers from being in relationships, because they think they’re
too immature to handle it,” Cox said, “and for the most part, I think that’s
true. I think there are exceptions, and I think there are things that they can
learn and gain from positive relationships, but it’s rare that it works out
well.”

In our area, many
teens views of dating are influenced by teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints. The religion encourages teens to wait until the age of 16
to date, and when they reach that age, they are encouraged to avoid serious
relationships.

“In the culture
we live in, I think a lot of members [of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints] are scared to steady date because of the judgment they will
receive and the guilt they might feel,” Brotherson said.

Brotherson is a
member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and she appreciates
the way her religion views dating because it protects her from dangers and
temptations that can be found in relationships. Others, such as junior Charlee
Christensen, have felt judgment from church members for their choice to be in a
relationship.

“A lot of times,
people don’t accept you for, you know, having a boyfriend or dating because
around here that’s just the culture. Everyone is LDS and that’s just really
frowned upon even after or even if you’re 16,” Christensen said.

Christensen tried
to find support from the church in the past but felt that that support was not
available to her.

“There’s a very
thin line between being a good member of the church, and being judgmental,”
Christensen said, “There’s a very, very thin line in between that, and a lot of
times that line gets crossed and people are more worried about what you’re
doing than what they’re doing, and that’s not how you should live at all.”

There are those who choose to
be in steady relationships, and there are those that prefer to date many people
during high school, but there are some who choose not to date at all.

As a teacher and counselor,
Cox has witnessed changes overtime in the interactions among students at NS,
and he believes that there is a need for dating among teens now more than ever.

“With the
increasing amount of technology in our lives, and the increasing amount of
isolation that comes with it, it’s essential that we learn how to be with each
other, and how to treat each other, how to understand these relationships and
develop these relationships,” Cox said.