my story of deciding to have a baby, as a single woman

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the happiness blues

A little addendum to yesterdays blog. I’m in a plane right now, heading to New York for the weekend. I just read an article on happiness in the most recent issue of Psychology Today. It turns out (according to the research) that activities that lead us to feel uncertainty and discomfort are associated with some of the most memorable and enjoyable experiences in people’s lives … Happy people engage in a wide range of counterintuitive habits that seem, well, downright unhappy.

I did the litmus test with my own life trajectory. I could NOT be looking for a new home (for a potential little family addition) and NOT be looking for a new office (currently work out of my home so this is an additional expense). I could NOT be trying to have a baby on my own. I could STILL be anxiously waiting for Mr. Right to show up–the (presumed) catalyst to ‘family life’ –as the clicking clock of my fertile years slide on by.

I felt a surge of happiness as I started to realize all of this. In spite of all the money ($6,000 to date), testing, waiting, hoping and let downs, this path is exactly right for me, right now. What is life (as a verb) if it’s not on some risk continuum.

There’s the familiar self care moments, like a glass of wine (or three) when the stick has one line vs two. And who can argue bubble baths, good quality teas and favorite songs as the happy place trinity. But it’s also worth seeking out experiences that are novel, complicated, even upsetting sometimes. The variation of known and unknown, offers happiness.

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One thought on “the happiness blues”

Yes! I’m finding this too! I would not have chosen my current path but I’m feeling relieved, much less anxious and, yes, wait for it…HAPPIER than I have been in years. I’m dreaming again and at times I feel infinite in away I have not felt in years. And the self care IS important because if not you, then who? I remarked to my therapist recently that I feel a bit like an anthropologist these days, picking up and dusting off pieces of myself, and putting me back together. And for the first time in a long time I like what I see.