Otherwise known as my constant attempts to enter the coveted Land of the Fertile, and stay there.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Party Day

It's a glorious morning-in fact, I think that this is the first Memorial Day weekend in a few years that hasn't been cold and rainy. Sean's out doing some carpentry work (yay, extra $$!!) and I get the house to myself for the morning.

Of course, today is D-Day-'Lil Man's surprise party. We're meeting my father-in-law and his new girlfriend at 5:30, along with 'Lil Man and the Dementor (heh, that totally sounds like a porn movie title, doesn't it?)

Honestly, I can't wait to get this over with. I'm sure that once I'm there it will be fine, but I don't want to deal with my mother-in-law right now. I talked to my mom about it yesterday, and she said that I shouldn't deal with it in the future, just tell her to talk to Sean (she does that with my grandmother, and I guess it works for her), but I feel like that's just avoidance, in a way. Plus, I have the strangest feeling that one day I will have to deal with it, and I don't want years of anger to overflow like lava out of an exploding volcano. So, I'll put on a happy face for today, since family will be there.

The thing that I'm stressed out about is that his family, or, more specifically, his mom's family will be there-the ones that she blabbed to about our IVF cycle (and also blabbed that the cycle failed, btw). Firstly, I don't want to answer any questions or get expressions of sympathy-I don't really want to talk about it. It's over and done with, it didn't happen, and talking about it only brings up the pain all over again, and this is supposed to be a happy occasion. Secondly, I don't want to talk about it because Sean's father's family will be there as well, and they have no idea what's going on, and then I'd have to explain all over again-there are enough people who are involved in my reproductive affairs, and I don't need to add yet another buddy group, thankyouverymuch. Also, one of 'Lil Man's friends will be there, and he and his wife had a miscarriage around Christmastime, and we don't need to make anyone uncomfortable. Then again, since 'Lil Man has also seemed to have inherited his mother's panache of airing the family laundry (he told Sean's friend that we were going through IVF and the OHSS aftereffects after they had invited us to a party at their house. I didn't know until his friend called us up to see how I was. You should have seen the fight it caused later on between Sean and I), his friend probably knows all the gory details of our story. It's like having your freshly washed period underwear put on the clothesline for all the neighborhood to see. Nice.

In-laws. Don't you love them? I'd rather have a flesh-eating virus sometimes. At least heavy-duty antibiotics can cure that.

Who I Am

This is my story, about a woman in her thirties who's tubally infertile, been through multiple IVF's, too many FET cycles to count and some miscarriages, and trying to deal with the mess of it all. Now, with new and improved Donor IVF! Strap yourself in for the ride though-it's definitely going to be a bumpy one!