Tokyo TT 2010- Day 3 Gratitude April 12, 2010

I left Japan on the most beautiful, sunny day. I had such an emotional morning with John and the kula that I couldn’t even write until I got home. I sat on the train to the airport watching the cherry trees whisk by and sat in contemplation of my training and life in general.

I sat right in front of John on the last morning. It was quite funny actually because he was asking where Leanne was and the whole class laughed as I waved from right in front of him. I usually have been moving along the back of the room for most of the trainings and I think I surprised him. He asked me what I learned in the last week and I answered, “ That we understand the universal through relationship in the relative world.” If you look back through my last blogs you can see that steady thread of relationship come up through all the teachings.

The third morning we covered the subject of Shiva-Shakti Tantra – this is now the way that Anusara is defined rather than the more general term of Tantric philosophy and how it differs from Classical and Vendanta philosophy. This is really key to understanding Anusara yoga and it’s life affirming teachings. All three forms are all looking for the same result- freedom ( moksha) but the approach about how to get there differs. Classical yoga, for example, uses kaivalya ( separation) to reach it’s goal. By separating yourself from everything that is inferior ( prakriti) – that is not Spirit- you get freedom. Vendanta yoga sees the problem as misindentification- “neti neti” not this and not that- the prakritic world is seen as maya or an illusion. These two paths then are seen as paths of the negative.

Shiva-Shakti Tantra in comparison uses a marga of the positive or inclusive. It sees prakriti- the material world- as just a stepped down vibration of the universal. Body , mind, and emotions, seen as inferior or an illusion in other systems, are seen as just another form of ” rockin’ blissful conciousness”. This philosophy sees the light of conciousness as expanding and as it manifests it actually goes into greater complexity and there is evolution. Things die and fade away but overall there is an energetic expansion. Have you ever met someone in their later years of life, stooped and wrinkled, but there is an inner power that seems to belay the exterior? I mean I know it fits the arche-type of the wise elder, but really, don’t we all want to grow and be wiser by the end?

Part of a good evolution is that you make more beauty and love. Shri- often thought of as beauty- is about relationship as well. It is how the parts relate to each other that makes beauty. Beauty is kind of a funny thing to think of as science but it does often work that way. I believe I saw a program on discover once and they took pictures of people and altered them mathematically to make them “more beautiful”. Guess what the mathematical ratio was ..1.618. The ratio between lips and mouth , eyes and nose etc. Lenardo Davinici’s Vitruvian Man is also drawn in ratios of 1.618. What is interesting is that what we call symmetry is not “even”, it is not “equal” it is actually slightly…odd? All I know is that I like flowers in odd groupings of 3, 5, 7 rather than 4, 6, 8…it just someone how looks better to me. So what am I saying… I guess that relationship doesn’t always mean 50-50, balance doesn’t always mean 50-50. The back leg in a standing pose and a front leg in a standing pose don’t do 50-50…they create symmetry and beauty by the back leg doing more and the front leg doing less. This is shri…

Live, love , laugh- my good friends Lauren’s life motto- was the next subject. Live fully– keep expanding your potential. Everytime you reach the edge your capacity goes up and your ability to hold the light is getting bigger so now your dharma is to live that new potential. Love much– this is about purna– fullness- and shradda– trust. The deeper you can trust the deeper you can love. if you don’t have trust you can’t fully love. If you don’t trust the strength of your back leg your front leg can’t decend fully… Laugh often– how do you see things? What is your darshan ( general view)? ( I think of this as the cup half full/ half empty view) Can you see the wonder in the unexpected? Make your humour uplifting and expanding- never put anybody down. John said when you start your practice everyday to really think about how to live more fully and with more joy- the ripple effect will continue after your practice even if you are by yourself. If we are beings of energy how can this not be true? You know of places that have energy you can feel- good and bad. Imagine shifting energy just through your practice. It has been done. This one phrase that John said that morning really stuck out to me, “Expand the light and the dark will dissolve. It is better than attacking the dark.” Whoa- I know a whole lot of people that attack the dark; “Life is hard- you gotta be a warrior” type people. It may get the same end result but I wonder of the consequences along that particular path….

This talk on Shri went into the subject of hands on adjustments- SSA : Sensitive, Stability, Adjustment. So don’t be an ASS!….Oh, yes, I know that was a groaner but it will help you remember! I have to say that hands on adjustments are something I want to work on further because I have had some horrible ones in the past and some really amazing ones. The amazing ones where when the teacher actually barely touched me- or so it felt like that. There is nothing worse than getting “cranked” into a pose. I am sure many of you can relate.

The last part of the morning talk I have no notes for…you see I was crying through most of it. John said he had been thinking about his dad the night before. Many of you have heard John talk about his mother but not as much about his Dad. What I didn’t realize is the similarities between John’s dad and mine. John shared his father’s story with us about being a blue-collar guy who never missed a day of work. His Dad never understood John’s crazy passion about Asia and yoga but bought him whatever books he needed and helped support his son’s love. John’s father, Clifford, lost his job after almost 30 years and was never able to find another because of his age. John kept saying, ” He was a good man”. I knew exactly what he meant.

My father was a blue-collar guy who built concrete buildings and bridges. He started working when he was 16 in the mines of Northern Ontario and fate, thank God, brought him to the West Coast and the construction industry. He never missed a day of work. He was the first guy there and the last to leave. If something wasn’t perfect he would rip it out and start again until it was the best he could possibly do. He never gave you less than his A game.

He raised four daughters. This great big man, with a mind of an engineer and a grade 6 education, had four girls. Rather than building things with him, we pestered him for money for clothes or movies etc. I was the youngest. I didn’t pester him for clothes so much but he knew I had a dream of going to Japan. The farthest he had ever travelled was Hawaii- and that wasn’t until he was in his 40’s. We were never spoiled in our house- but we got what we needed- not necessarily what we wanted. In 1985, my parents sent me to Japan- further away than anyone in my family had ever gone. I remember coming home and telling the stories of my adventure and I could see the light of adventure in my father’s eyes. What he could somehow never justify doing for himself he did for me. Like John’s Dad, he supported a dream within his child.

My dad died 10 years ago and after receiving money from his estate that I put on my kids RESP’s and my mortgage , I kept a small nest egg aside. I held onto that money for a few years. I wanted to do something special with it- I didn’t know what- but I knew that it would reveal itself in time. Shortly after my dad’s passing I discovered yoga. I dabbled in it but after becoming very sick with asthma, I decided to more fully immerse myself. I ended up using my nest egg for private yoga lessons and workshops. My poor dad would have been scratching his head and saying, “Yoga???”. But I figure he was doing that with my little obsession over Japan so it couldn’t have been that surprising.

What he never realized is that yoga makes me always think of him. His work ethic and sense of pride inspires me. I think of him after every hard practice and before every 10th backbend. I don’t give up. That would be dishonouring him.

My father was a very quiet man. He had very few close friends- our family was his friends. He was a simple man- he didn’t have any crazy passions expect for being out camping in his motorhome. My father’s gentle soul could be seen on his daily walks as every dog and cat around would come out to greet him. In the campsites, wild chipmunks would even come up to talk to him and sit in his hand for a peanut. To me, that was just my dad, but I realize now that was a rare gift.

Under all that gentleness though there was also a fierce protectiveness and a love of adventure. He had an Indian motorcycle in the 1950’s- he talked about how many times he almost died on it- but you could see the twinkle in his eye. My mom made him sell it as he was getting too many speeding tickets. He chose family safety over adventure.

Every time I see something amazing on my travels I think, “ Hey Dad, look at that!” and I know he is with me. What he couldn’t do in life he now does in death- his energy vicariously travels the world with me – supporting me.

When my dad died we could have written anything in the obituary. Between 4 girls and my mom we are never at a loss for words- no wonder my dad was quiet! But rather than writing a big long passage I looked at my sisters and said, “He was a good man”. They all nodded and my mom wrote it down. That was all we put.

I cried that last morning, not of of sadness, but out of love and deepest gratitude. I trusted my father very much and therefore I loved him very much. He was not perfect- none of us are. I learned lessons from him about how to live life and how not to live life. My circumstances are not his and may I have the ability to live even more fully- to have no regrets. Expand the light to diminish the dark…

So I knew exactly what John was talking about when he spoke of his dad. I knew a good man too.

4 Responses to “Tokyo TT 2010- Day 3 Gratitude”

Leanne- a gigantic hug coming your way. Every day is such a learning opportunity, and your post has brought memories of my dad- also a good man- into new light. It has also reminded me that a good woman- my mom- is here now supporting my yoga journey with her gift. I never forget it- every time I head off I know it is her gift! And I am grateful that I was sure enough to know where the nest egg could best be used. My year long sabbatical may soon come to an end but that nest egg has created a shift that I am so grateful for. Blessings.

Thank you so much Leanne, I am teaching purna tonight and now my heart feels very full. My dad was also a good man and taught me about the inherent fullness of nature and our relationship to it. What a great intro to the theme – my dad.