Saturday, June 4, 2011

Ugh. Red faced I beg your forgiveness........ I have had some uneasy moments since using the word "misogynist" in my blog the other day to describe my hermit-like, people avoiding behavior. Something told me I was misusing the word so I just Googled it and, Oy, am I embarrassed.

According to the various definitions the word rally means "woman hater" and that is absolutely NOT what I am nor what I intended to convey. I am not sure at this moment what word I should have used but I want to proclaim to the world that I am definitely not a woman hater....To paraphrase Henry Higgins, I happen to think we are a Marvelous sex. For fear of getting my foot stuck in my mouth permanently I will not go any further.

Please forgive me if I misled anyone, disappointed anyone or wounded any of my lovely female readers. Sob. I love words, but someday I fear they may be the death of me......

And while I am apologizing, I must beg everyone's pardon for doing such a lousy job of trying to be satiric.......my last blog where I mused about virtues/sins/heaven really went afield and some of you thought I was serious about it all.

Goldurnit....don't you guys know when I am just funnin' with you? Again, sorry if I misled you or offended anyone. I WILL try to do better in the future. But don't worry....no matter how badly I screw up, I will not quit.

When a person gets up into the high decades, a person begins to examine his/her life for glaring fatal flaws of the soul and embarrassing patches of dubious backsliding or cowardly non-development. At least, this person does. I have been ruminating a lot lately and falling into periods of deep introspection. This has brought me to several unsettling conclusions.

While pondering a few things recently I realized that all the supposed good deeds I have done in my life may have been done for all the wrong (like selfish) reasons. Because, while the intention may be to benefit the other person, the doing of the good deed makes ME feel good. So, the question is......am I really a good samaritan or am I a self indulgent wuz? Oy, Oy......Where do I go from here with this? Do they still count as good deeds? Or do they all get reclassified as sinful black demerits?

First, let us assume for the sake of this blog, that the concept of "heaven" has some basis for belief. If they are indeed sins I wouldn't stand a chance of getting anywhere near the pearly gates much less gaining entry. I am shaken to my very foundation by the realization that some of those qualities which I have assigned the name of "virtues" can just as easily be considered sins (of the darkest kind).

It also occurred to me that, based on what I understand to exist in the rulebooks of many established religions, the more heinous the sins and the more blackhearted the sinner may be, said black sheep gets preferential treatment on getting into heaven if he acknowledges his sins, accepts into his heart the particular Savior, repents and begs forgiveness. Does this mean then that those who have sinned less often and less grievously are relegated to the tail end of the line, perpetually delaying their chances of getting into heaven by having not been evil enough and therefore unable to repent enough.......etc.?

Oh, dear.

Using this premise then, it appears to me that maybe the only folks who have been getting into heaven for quite some time are the dirtiest rottenest scoundrels who are wise enough to take advantage of this loophole thereby getting moved to the front of the line, while those of lesser faults are still cooling their heels in the antechambers or outside the gates altogether. Now, I know that life is not fair, but this seems to overdo the inequity of things a bit much, wouldn't you say? Damn!

Hmmmmmm........I am really sorry that I started on this line of thinking in the first place. It appears that the only way I will get out of this corner that I have painted myself into is to fall back on the blessed argument of symbiosis.........the delightful condition where you sort of get to ask, "Mmmmm......was it as good for you as it was for me?.....and the other person says, "Mmmmmm....even better."

About Me

Maverick of a weird, but wonderful family. Have managed to stay alive for an astounding 86+ years kept alive by a passionate interest in many things and a sense of humor.
Have led 2 or 3 separate lives,the first 40 years as a starving artist, ceramist, and graphic designer. At age 40 a matchbook cover that said "Be A Computer Programmer" inspired me to go back to school and emerge as a binary fanatic. Loved my work, had a wonderful 20 year career as programmer and trouble shooter. At the same time I had the chance to meet, befriend and marry Jazz Cornetist Pete Daily,an idol of my youth, whom I had worshipped in my young life. Lost him to cancer after 11 wonderful (and sometimes awful) years. Retired in 1989 and had 20 years of fantastic travel adventures all over the world. Now I crochet afghans, tend my garden, my 3 cats, the neighborhood birds and squirrels, a flock of voracious hummingbirds and assorted wildlife like possums and raccoon families who come nightly to my Porch Buffet. A great life, and it ain't over yet !....(after all, I have just discovered Blogging....)