Thursday, May 30, 2013

Last night myself and some brethren journeyed out into the
wilds of the Philadelphia suburbs to see the ode to masculinity that is “Fast
& Furious 6,” or as the opening credits dubbed it “Furious 6.” True story.

All these
hours later, I still can’t tell if that’s cool or not.

Whatever
you’d like to call it, this movie picks up where its predecessor, 2011’s “Fast
Five,” left off.

Don’t
worry. I’m not going to summarize the other four installments of the franchise,
because, well, I haven’t seen them. Until The Rock joined the franchise in part
five, it wasn’t even on my radar. After all, I know nothing about cars and I drive
super slow, so what could a franchise dedicated to folks who live their lives a
quarter mile at a time hold for a guy like me, who lives his life doing 5 under
the speed limit?

But
then they hired The Rock and everything changed. Part five saw our hero Dom
Toretta (Vin Diesel) and his lovable gang of street racers and thieves doing
battle with a sinister Brazilian drug lord, while being pursued by a relentless
and heavily muscled cop (The Rock).

Spoiler
alert: The anti-heroes beat the drug lord by working with the cop, a tenuous
bond is formed and we all go our separate ways. Until now.

After
all of that time spent blogging on the dregs of Hollywood, I learned a few key
lessons.

One,
man was not meant to subsist on cheesy movies alone. Sadly, I only had time for
a finite number of movies a week, usually that number was in the neighborhood
of one.

Because of that horribly imbalanced
diet, I learned that only watching horrible movies can do a real number on a
person’s soul.

I also learned that the longest I can
commit to daily, and by daily I mean workweek daily, posts is about six months.
Considering my previous relationships prior to my present one each lasted about
three months, I’d say six months is pretty damn awesome.