Lawmaker Proposes Satirical Men's Sexual Health Bill

Trending News: This Lawmaker Wants To Fine Men $100 For Spanking It

Long Story Short

A Texas Democrat has proposed a bill that would fine men for masturbating and force them to undergo rectal exams before getting access to Viagra.

Long Story

Guys in Texas are about to go broke — or at least that would be the case if a tongue-in-cheek law proposed by a state congressman were to pass.

The bill was brought forward by Rep. Jessica Farrar and is based on the state’s laws governing abortion. The legislation, which is meant to be taken as pointed satire, would fine men $100 for masturbating and force them to undergo a rectal exam if they want to take Viagra, undergo a colonoscopy or have a vasectomy.

“A lot of people find the bill funny,” Farrar said. “What's not funny are the obstacles that Texas women face every day, that were placed there by legislatures making it very difficult for them to access health care.”

For inspiration, Farrar looked at a 2011 law that requires women to take a sonogram and listen to a detailed description of the fetus before undergoing an abortion. The rules are codified in a state-produced booklet called “A Woman’s Right To Know.”

Saying she was fed up with the barrage of restrictive legislation introduced by men that govern women’s health, Farrar is calling for a similar booklet for men’s health issues. “A Man’s Right To Know” would lay out laws that penalize men for ejaculating outside a vagina or medical facility, calling such emissions “an act against an unborn child” that fails to protect “the sanctity of life.” The fines would go to the state’s child protection services.

As for men seeking a colonoscopy, vasectomy or Viagra scrip, they would have to undergo a digital rectal exam and MRI of the rectum, then wait 24 hours before they get access to their health measure. A doctor could also invoke their “personal, moralistic or religious beliefs” if they refuse to perform a vasectomy or prescribe Viagra. On top of all that, the proposed HB4260 would also have the state keep a registry of private hospitals and organizations that promote male abstinence, offer doctors to supervise masturbation (!!) and store semen for future conception purposes.

This isn’t the first time women have proposed legislating men’s sexual health and their sperm and their jacking off habits. Comedian Sarah Silverman said sperm cells are alive, and so spraying them anywhere except inside a woman’s vagina is tantamount to killing the unborn. She also said she wants to send “a really long needle-like, basically GoPro camera, and we put it down your penis hole, urethra, then down into your testicular sack,” which sounds way unpleasant and hideously painful. “We're going to show you the ultrasound, so you can see the life in your balls.”

And last year in Kentucky, lawmaker Mary Lou Marzian proposed a law that would require men looking for Viagra prescriptions to visit a doctor twice, swear on a Bible that the drug will only be used when having intercourse with their wives and present the doctor with a note from their spouses.

Obviously, none of these bills have any semblance of passing. But then again, that's not really the point.

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Ask The Big Question

These bills are funny, but are they effective in changing anyone’s perspective?

Drop This Fact

Texas is still churning out anti-abortion legislation. Just this term alone, bills were filed that would ban “partial birth” and “dismemberment” abortions. Doctors have called those terms medically inaccurate and point out that late-term abortions in which the fetus is removed intact are already illegal.