In-law issues?

Hey everyone,Â I am new to posting, but have been reading the forums ever since we found out my wife and I were pregnant with out first child.Â I just wanted to get the opinion of strangers to see how outsiders perceived my situation so I know if I am just in my stance.Â My wifes mom is divorced and is an RN so anytime anyone goes to a hospital or doctor she has to know about it and then also has to make a point of her "professional opinion".Â My wife and I recently got married this past june and she is one of those individuals that thought that my role was to just "show up" and that it was the bride and the brides mothers responsibility to plan the wedding.Â She even talked my wife into a fairytale wedding which she said she would pay for and at bill time, decided that a deck addition on her house was more important than contributing to our now outstanding debt.Â Â Long story short, she wants to go to all the drs appointments and ultrasounds, she says that she will be in the delivery room and I know that my wife feels my side of the argument but can never say no to her mom.Â Anyone have any suggestions?Â I dont neccessarily want to exclude her, but I think those drs appointments are special and kind of want them between the two of us, not to mention I do not want an (RN) registered nurse, trying to explain things to the doctor and telling us things in her opinion which is the same of why I do not want her in the delivery room.Â I do not want her mom telling me what I should or shouldnt be doing just cause she is an RN.Â I will do whatever a doctor or nurse working that night tells me, but I refuse to take orders from her mom.Â Is that bad, or am I right in thinking that her being around is going to cause a lot more drama than needed?

Hey everyone,Â I am new to posting, but have been reading the forums ever since we found out my wife and I were pregnant with out first child.Â I just wanted to get the opinion of strangers to see how outsiders perceived my situation so I know if I am just in my stance.Â My wifes mom is divorced and is an RN so anytime anyone goes to a hospital or doctor she has to know about it and then also has to make a point of her "professional opinion".Â My wife and I recently got married this past june and she is one of those individuals that thought that my role was to just "show up" and that it was the bride and the brides mothers responsibility to plan the wedding.Â She even talked my wife into a fairytale wedding which she said she would pay for and at bill time, decided that a deck addition on her house was more important than contributing to our now outstanding debt.Â Â Long story short, she wants to go to all the drs appointments and ultrasounds, she says that she will be in the delivery room and I know that my wife feels my side of the argument but can never say no to her mom.Â Anyone have any suggestions?Â I dont neccessarily want to exclude her, but I think those drs appointments are special and kind of want them between the two of us, not to mention I do not want an (RN) registered nurse, trying to explain things to the doctor and telling us things in her opinion which is the same of why I do not want her in the delivery room.Â I do not want her mom telling me what I should or shouldnt be doing just cause she is an RN.Â I will do whatever a doctor or nurse working that night tells me, but I refuse to take orders from her mom.Â Is that bad, or am I right in thinking that her being around is going to cause a lot more drama than needed?

You're in the right. This is YOUR experience. She's already HAD at least one kid. She's had her time. Experience and understanding is great, but come on. You need to learn this stuff on your own, just like she did.

Ask your wife to start speaking up. It can't ruin the relationship to state your opinions and how you feel.

And the last thing your wife is going to need is a second (or third) person attempting to give her directions during labor. If she wants her mom in the room, then she needs to be a MOTHER and not a RN. Period. She needs to recognize YOUR role in this relationship AND family that you've created.

Good luck, and I hope it goes well for ya man, keep us informed!

Have your wife talk to her mom.

You're in the right. This is YOUR experience. She's already HAD at least one kid. She's had her time. Experience and understanding is great, but come on. You need to learn this stuff on your own, just like she did.

Ask your wife to start speaking up. It can't ruin the relationship to state your opinions and how you feel.

And the last thing your wife is going to need is a second (or third) person attempting to give her directions during labor. If she wants her mom in the room, then she needs to be a MOTHER and not a RN. Period. She needs to recognize YOUR role in this relationship AND family that you've created.

I know I'm not really supposed to be in here, but here's what my husband and I both thought when we read the post: We think you're beyond justified in your opinion! You definitely need to talk to your wife; this gets to be the experience for the two of you that it is for other married couples. It's special to go to the appts and be there during u/s...another person there would take away from that. Aside from that, as a husband and wife, you have to be willing to put each other first (even if you don't necessarily agree with each other on some issues). Basically, she needs to honor your wishes in this because you are justified in them...it's not like you're telling her to cut ties with her mother. By the way, my twin sister just had a baby (I'm due in April) and has told me that the only non-medical person who should be present during delivery is the woman's husband. There are more than enough other people in the room. I think your MIL can wait in the waiting room like most people do. She'll survive.

I know I'm not really supposed to be in here, but here's what my husband and I both thought when we read the post: We think you're beyond justified in your opinion! You definitely need to talk to your wife; this gets to be the experience for the two of you that it is for other married couples. It's special to go to the appts and be there during u/s...another person there would take away from that. Aside from that, as a husband and wife, you have to be willing to put each other first (even if you don't necessarily agree with each other on some issues). Basically, she needs to honor your wishes in this because you are justified in them...it's not like you're telling her to cut ties with her mother. By the way, my twin sister just had a baby (I'm due in April) and has told me that the only non-medical person who should be present during delivery is the woman's husband. There are more than enough other people in the room. I think your MIL can wait in the waiting room like most people do. She'll survive.

My mom is a nurse as well. She is a bit more respectful and wouldn't force herself into my medical business if I didn't want her there, but I understand what you mean. She does want to know things like lab results, prescriptions, etc. She's been doing it 35 years and knows a lot. It's part of her nature now, and she wants to help. Sometimes it's an intrusion, but I'm pretty good about being assertive, and sounds like that's a skill your wife could practice. Also, that's awful about your wedding debt! You would have legal recourse, but I know you're not going that far. I agree w/pp, this must be addressed with your wife and it's going to have to be up to her to set things straight with her mom. Good luck.

My mom is a nurse as well. She is a bit more respectful and wouldn't force herself into my medical business if I didn't want her there, but I understand what you mean. She does want to know things like lab results, prescriptions, etc. She's been doing it 35 years and knows a lot. It's part of her nature now, and she wants to help. Sometimes it's an intrusion, but I'm pretty good about being assertive, and sounds like that's a skill your wife could practice. Also, that's awful about your wedding debt! You would have legal recourse, but I know you're not going that far. I agree w/pp, this must be addressed with your wife and it's going to have to be up to her to set things straight with her mom. Good luck.

I should mention that my husband is a physician, and yes, he looks over lab results and asks about things that sound alien to me, he's been able to step back and embrace becoming a Dad and see it all through non-Dr's eyes. I bet if my husband can step away from his training and career to enjoy this for what it is, your MIL can too!

I should mention that my husband is a physician, and yes, he looks over lab results and asks about things that sound alien to me, he's been able to step back and embrace becoming a Dad and see it all through non-Dr's eyes. I bet if my husband can step away from his training and career to enjoy this for what it is, your MIL can too!

my mom is/was the same way although your mil seems a tad more sane than my mother, HOWEVER. I couldn't stand up to my mom out of risk of losing her but what I did was let her go to the first us (dh wasn't too happy about that) the second one she cried cuz I wouldn't let her go but I explained to her that we wanted to surprise her with the sex of the baby & wanted her & my mil to find out at the same time. she wasn't thrilled but she got over it. for delivery I finally grew some balls & explained to her that I wanted me & dh to have that experience alone. (I tried telling her they only allow 1 person in delivery... then she looked it up) she was really hurt but after months of telling her she backed off. then when it came to delivery I had a c section so it didn't matter. although I told the nurses to not let her in unless I said so... they didn't listen so dont count in that

my mom is/was the same way although your mil seems a tad more sane than my mother, HOWEVER. I couldn't stand up to my mom out of risk of losing her but what I did was let her go to the first us (dh wasn't too happy about that) the second one she cried cuz I wouldn't let her go but I explained to her that we wanted to surprise her with the sex of the baby & wanted her & my mil to find out at the same time. she wasn't thrilled but she got over it. for delivery I finally grew some balls & explained to her that I wanted me & dh to have that experience alone. (I tried telling her they only allow 1 person in delivery... then she looked it up) she was really hurt but after months of telling her she backed off. then when it came to delivery I had a c section so it didn't matter. although I told the nurses to not let her in unless I said so... they didn't listen so dont count in that

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