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10 reasons you should date, marry or try not to avoid a dutch man!

I’m reading through the CNN travel report circa 2011 and wondering why the dutch don’t have a mention as one of the coolest nationalities in the world. Because I think they are pretty cool. Well,…at least dutch guys.

Forget about all those complaints and concerns on the cybersphere about dutch guys being uncool, unromantic and underdressed. Ditch the ill feelings towards the dutch guy who is rumoured to Go Dutch, when you are sitting at a table across from him, and slowly clearing your plate on a date. As a black female traveller who has graced a couple of continents with itchy feet, I dare say that dutch guys are..super cool!

1) They aretall: I came away from my country feeling giraffe-like. I towered over a heck of alot of people and became pretty used to jabs about my height like, “How is the oxygen up there?” Or complaints about causing neck injuries each time I stooped to hug a friend. Here, even with 12-inch heels, I’m still quite average among dutch guys. It’s a comforting feeling being around them, and not feeling self-conscious sticking out over everyone.

2) They are courteous and helpful: There’s always that bit of relief when transiting to a flight headed for the Netherlands. Not only will I unwittingly eavesdrop conversations spoken in a familiar tongue, but if I have to go up some stairs and my hand luggage is heavy, some random dutch guy will be tripping over himself to help me carry my luggage and lift it into the overhead compartment. In years past, whenever I entered the train with a heavy baby pusher, dutch guys would always be milling around ready to spring into action to help get it onto the train. This behaviour has been repeated countless times, like ‘rescue the damsel’ is ingrained into the dutch male psyche.

3) They know that women run the world: Queens have held reign in the House of Orange like forever,…well from 1890 to 2013 to be precise, so I find dutch guys in some zany way quite respectful of womenfolk. A dutch guy is likely not to be domineering, but surprise surprise, won’t mind if you are. He won’t mind you barking out orders or getting you a cup of tea. You would however, steer clear of sado-masochistic ones that beg to be tied up and whipped, because they are out there (Unless you are game).

4) They are egalitarian: I’ve had people I consider big..that boss in a foundation, the medical specialist, the brainy professor or even the pastor, address me like they were my equal, eyeball to eyeball..and I find myself thinking that back home in Kenya, unless he’s a relative or close friend, people with similar qualifications prefer to float on celestial clouds further up, at a high unreachable pedestal, with some assistants scurrying around to transmit messages to we “earthly mortals.” Your protests will likely be met with a booming rebuttal ‘Haiyaaa, si there’s a chain of command!’

5)They are not finicky over food: Ask a dutch guy over for lunch and he will be perfectly fine with slices of bread served with cheese and ham followed by hot cups of coffee. Otherwise, you both can pop out for some street food, bitterballen and some patat slathered in mayonnaise.

A tosti sandwich (picture courtesy of Chef John).

Patat or French fries with a dollop of mayonnaise (Picture courtesy of Netherlands by numbers.)

6) They don’t whine: With a good portion of dutchland below sea level, the dutch have come up with innovative solutions to keep water out of their land for hundreds of years. They have over centuries built dykes, dams and windmills to reclaim land. This has had an effect on their people, that being they are pragmatic. A dutch guy will rarely if not whine. If something is amiss, they fix it. Like yesterday.

7) They don’t go dutch:The ‘let’s split this bill in half’ theory is designed to make girls steer clear of the dutchies. It’s a crazy assumption, likely a stereotype steeped in history and wars. No dutch guy I’ve dated has ever asked me to pay my half, rather the only thing that’s been said was, ‘Would you like some coffee or tea? Some dessert?”

8) They are blunt: Freedom and individuality is espoused in the Netherlands. A dutch guy is likely to be a person of integrity, openly discussing issues and asking deeply personal questions. They will offer their opinion whether or not it is pleasing to you, and are direct almost to a fault. While this may be considered impolite, dutch guys view it as being honest. You will know exactly where you stand with a dutch guy, which is especially cool as there are many cons and tricksters out there to waste your time.

9) They are family oriented: Dutch guys have a mastery of work-life balance. So serious are they about their kids and family that they have a day off work (papadag) just to kick back, relax with their family. Dutch fathers are more involved in raising their kids, with good results as dutch kids are often rated as the happiest in the world.

10) They are frugal: Which is not necessarily a bad thing, given that a dutch guy will let you know where the best deals and sales are, where you can get five for the price of one, where you can test drive products and get them for free in exchange for reviews, and probably show you a few tips and tricks to save on your water, electricity, gas, and other life’s necessities. Dutch guys are not just frugal for frugality sake, some guys will penny pinch on parking space and blow what they’ve saved on a business class trip or luxury cruise. It’s also notable that the dutch are very generous offering huge donations to charity and development projects.

What are some quirky things you have observed about guys where you live?

(Disclaimer: This post is by no means a put-down on other nationalities, just a candid observation of guys in the country I’m based in.)

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Love it! I’m a British girl but I don’t date English blokes. At least, not for a long time LOL! My husband is German and before him I dated other Germans of course, Italian and Czech guys. ALL were respectful and attentive. Treating me like the princess that I am LOL! In fact, my husband still opens the door and holds my coat for me. That’s what you call a gentleman! I would say that Dutch guys are similar. The issue of English blokes is that they don’t really know what they want, and are used to girls doing everything and falling at their beck and call. Er no. If you can’t respect all of me, then you’re going to get none of me LOL!

Girlfriend, I hear you..life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t know to treat a lady like the princess that she is! Complications in relationships are a no go..many singles prefer to remain so until they meet the Prince Charming who scrambles all over to make her comfortable..and travel has made me really appreciate these fellas, you get to some places and folks are bumping all over you and your heavy luggage without so much as doing anything..nah! No can do..

I was basically speaking from personal experience..I am aware from stories heard from both sides that there are as much bad experiences as good experiences when it comes to white dutch men, and as well bad and good experiences when it comes to African men in Europe.

Trust me, here in America there is an epidemic of Abusive Men; Selfish & Arrogant, unwilling to Please any woman. They hate women, even when They Are Not gay, it doesn’t matter,, They rather Rot in hell than to be Nice and Gentlemen to Women here in the U.S.
But I think that Women here in America are at fault~Because Women here in America Don’t Have Any Respect for themselves or even other women. I hate this Place. I wish I lived in Germany.

Well, I now know where the American guys get their Arrogance and Stupidity from, is the same here in U.S. of America. Women here, by the Thousands, Get Old and Never Marry because American Men think that They Are too Good for Women. It’s Disgusting how They think.
~And then when They travel to other nations, the Women think that American Men are Gods and jump on them like flies~American Men truly Think that They Are GOD’s Gift to Women here on Earth. They all Stay Single because they think that ALL women want from them is their Money.
They hate even their own Children ~They Don’t Value Family~ They Are Unfaithful as hell ~
They Don’t Have Respect for Women~ it’s terrible here in the U.S. the way Men treat women.
~But these American women are Just as Bad as the Men~ Sometimes I think they are Demonized.
All people Care About here in the U.S. is Just Material Stuff, but NO family values.
No American is Romantic ~They Are Blunt, but NOT for a Good Reason, but Just to humiliate a Person, and that Bluntness Never Comes with True Honesty, but More with Sarcasm and Evil intentions. The more I know Americans, but More I dislike Them. Truly here in America everyone is Evil. Men are NOT gentleman at All.

What a nice post! 🙂 About number 7 – before I met Dutchie – my current partner, I dated Dutch guys who asked to pay half on the first dates 😀 I was prepared for that already, thankfully. So when Dutchie took over our dining bill on our first date, I was super shocked 😀
Some of my Dutch colleagues told me that it was common to split the cost on the first date.

Great article! I am also from Kenya and married to a Dutch guy and am very happy! He is tall, never asked me to split a bill, indeed courteous and helpful, he makes the ugali and I make the sukama,
We also have something else in common: human rights, conflict and gender issues! Wishing you continued success on your blog. If you are ever in Den Haag-lets meet!

Loved this post. It gives me hope. My ex-fiance is Dutch, and he was somewhat difficult to deal with. I often found myself perplexed, as I struggled to figure out if his bizarre behavior was a result of his being on the Asperger spectrum, or just his own personality, or if this was just a Dutch thing.

Anyway, as conflicted as I am about him and the manner in which many aspects of our relationship were addressed, I still love and care about him, and find myself nonetheless intrigued by this special place called the Netherlands, and its people.

Thank you for sharing. I wish I had the opportunity to Skype with you and learn more about your experiences there. Have a great day!

Thank you for your response. Really sorry about your experience..some ladies have shared their not so pleasant experiences so I reckon there are both sides of the spectrum. Are you still in the Netherlands or outside the country? It would be lovely to meet for a cup of coffee and share our experiences. Please feel free to Skype me: c.archie1
Have a lovely day!

I’m in the United States but will be there in a few months or so. I added you in Skype. Look forward to talking to you. And BTW I love your blog and shared it with friends as well! 🙂 Take care and have a lovely day!

Thank you for sharing and for your response. Much appreciated. I will travel in December for about two months, but if possible we can meet in the Netherlands if you are around early next year. I look forward to chatting!

Hi
I hear you. I am dating a Dutch man over 3 months now. I feel the same way you described from time to time. He never asked to split bill though (but i offered few times and he accepted my share). He never opened doors for me never buy me flowers not even after he found out my birthday was yesterday …
He doesn’t usually offers to carry the heavy items unless I ask him. He usually does what I ask him though and he is great cook (usually i buy all the needed stuff though).

I am not sure where this relationship goes as i don’t know if he would be the same after we get married (keep his share separate and guard his money so hard). We do get along really well which makes hard to decide. Sometimes i wonder if he loves me deeply coz usually you would care for person you love above your money. In that regard i feel within his money, himself and me i might already come to 3rd.

The Dutch are generally quite frugal and careful about how they spend money. Some dutch guys generally prefer to be pragmatic and may have a different idea about how they display any romantic feelings towards another. They don’t mind being asked to do abcd, and likely expect to be told what to do..so feel free to speak out or instruct, you’re likely a queen in the relation. I guess I can just wish you the best, in time you will be able to make a decision about your relationship considering all things put together.

I just got to know a Dutch guy for about 6 months. I’m a Muslim but I really love him like seriously. We talking and cam through Skype everyday and by January next year he wants to come here, Malaysia. He said he loves me too but I don’t know. I’m afraid that i’m gonna lose him but at the same time marriage is impossible for us. At first I don’t believe if really loves me but after I read your blog I gained a bit of confidence that what he said to me is true. Sometimes I just wanna cry because I love him damn much but I don’t know what to do.

I love your share. I have a change to be “friend” with Dutch guy and your post is right (through my experiences). Im falling in love with him because some of reasons you metioned above. I love not only his good sides but also bad ones. Im an Asian girl, he comes here for 10 months to study and nearly came back home. He just likes me and we spend much times together. I dont know we can have a long term relationship or not. Need your advices. Thanks for your sharing

Nice post,but have a question how long does it take for a dutch guy to call you girlfriend? We’re in a long distance relationship not yet meet but we have been speaking for almost 2 months and a half and we connect well.
If anyone can answer me please do,thanks and have a lovely day!

Thank you! I’m afraid I don’t have the answer to your question. You may have to meet him for sure, just as in any relationship a face-to-face meeting is important to have a feel of where the relationship is headed.

I can answer the question for you. One year and half hahah. But he wants to meet in next few months so he thinks that he can wait to hear my voice because we have been totally obsessed with each other and found something that we both cherish very deeply. Strange I know neither wants to hear him in LDR, wants to meet directly.

I’m a 57 year old Dutch man… yeah, I know…. I belong in museum LOL…. if you want to know if you are “partners” just ask him !!! Be direct !! Ask him if you are his girlfriend now ?? He will tell you the truth ….. don’t hesitate, be straight and forward…. good luck !!!

Wer same situation hannah! I hv a 2month relationship also to a dutch men..nver been meet..but i fall w/him..but he s always bz w/her career..I dnt know,f he love me or he only using me to fade her fantasy.. i treat her special..plsss i ned advise also! I fall to this dutch guy..dnt know wat to do..

NEVER !!! hahahha kidding !!
I was in the same situation.. Talking for 2 months before meeting and suddenly he started saying things like “I went to hairstylist and told her to please keep a bit longer my hair because my girlfriend likes it” “I was talking with the guys about my girlfriend” … I was like ” I am your gf?? haha” And he sayed ” yes you are” .. then we met, and he keeps calling me girlfriend – to parents, friends, employees, etc, it was actually funny .. and one of that times he called me girlfriend, i asked him laughing “since when i am your girlfriend???!!!” and he replied “i dont know, 2 , 3 months?!” so i said “nooooo, we need to have a date to celebrate our anniversary!!!!!” … guess what did he answer to me??? …. laughing he said “OMG!!! thats a girly thing….!!! ok , you can decide the date” hahahah all i did was laugh and make it a joke !! We now talk and remember that and laugh so hard!
All I can suggest to you is, we know when things have future or not, we can feel and know when a guy really like/loves us, so if you think and feel he does, ask him! Just try to find a moment to make it funny and a great memory .. for sure you will remember that for ever! Good luck!

Well, good to know. So, this Dutch guy has been coming to our Church here in Gambia and I am kinda, sorta taken by him…I mean, I don’t know how old he is though cos I do find that I would easily not feel comfortable with a guy who is more than 5 years older than I am…he seems cool and I can tell he just sees me as a friend but I would like to be sure that that’s true ya know…I saw him yesterday at Church and I wanted to just stay back after church and talk with him for as long as possible but I stupidly let that slide for some stupid reason…he’s leaving in about a weeks time and I would really wanna ask that he and I hang out and have lunch before he leaves…if I can get the opportunity to do that, then I would be super psyched.

Hi!! I find your post so interesting.. I just met this dutch guy in a dating site and all i can say is he is so sweet and gentleman, very hardworking and a loving father with his 2 kids (he’s widowed)..i love him already. He said he likes and he loves me too.. LDR is kinda a bit hard but i know we can make it. Im from Philippines and he’s planning to come visit me here soon. (no dates yet) I hope our relationship will last. I may not be his first love but im still willing to love and accept him and his kids. 🙂

I found your post, because I was really confused about how to date some dutch guy. I had been in Netherlands for the last 2 months and I had dates but all of them are just friends with me. I have my first date with a guy I’m really interested so this could help me a lot to understand him before doing something wrong.

Just broke up wit a Dutch guy (Chinese) who is working in HK but I still in love with him. He approached me first but after been 4 months and I asked him if he had any life plan and he figured out he doesnt care me/miss me at all and asking me to move on. He always said “it takes time to grow together” but i did not get it before. I dont know if it takes time to grow or he is just not for me. Pls give me some advice on this as I am stuck. Thanks!

Bang on! I am dating a Dutch man in Canada and this is all so true of him. He is tall. He is frugal but he always pays the bill and we splurge on good food and good beer. Even if we are buying food to cook together I have to fight him to pay my fair share. Women are definitely equals in his world. He helps me in anyway he possibly can and likes to take care of me. He has a kind generous heart. He is very hardworking. He skypes his family frequently and is close to them despite the distance. And I know exactly where I stand with him. He’s also very affectionate. In public too. Love it:)

Everyone is different so we can’t just classify by location. I met a Dutch online and we have been dating for nearly 4 months now. He was recently still on it while I have been off that site mot long after we met. Since i mentioned it he deleted his account. He told me from beginning that he wants to save money coz he spent too much last year. Every time when we need to pay for something he would not ask me to share but I feel he’s bit reluctant to pay which makes me feel bad. So i offered sometimes and he accepted. It’s very awkward and I hate those moments when I didn’t feel being taken care of and loved. I am independent girl and would contribute as much as I can if we get married but I don’t like that kind of “equal ” at the beginning of a relationship. I don’t understand why women destroy ourselves from the traditional way …

I met a dutch online..his comment was he likes my profile pic..after reading yo post I can now tell that it may be because of my natural short hair. Thanks for the I sight. Ooh if we become an item what will I do with all my high heels.LOL.we exchanged numbers and I’m hoping to hear from him today…
Are they accepting of black african women…I mean generally???
Thanks

From my post, you can tell I’m a little biased. Dutch guys overall are pretty cool. Of course there are those who can be racist or quite condescending, I’ve met those types on boats and trains. I ignore them.
Just be your own person, I don’t think it would be wise to change things you do to accommodate a guy. If you love heels, don’t get rid of them. All the best.

Haha Anne-Marie..this was my personal observation from the few dutch guys I have interacted with..not a general observation as there’s a wide range of guys out there that may be different from the guys I’ve met. Still I think the dutch are pretty cool.

My Dutch boyfriend and I met over the internet a few months ago. We bonded over memes, a movie, and drunk gaming haha. I had no idea he liked me for a good portion of when we interacted in the beginning but he’s fucking great. I honestly..he’s a catch and anyone would be lucky and happy to have him but he chose me. I’m so lucky I have him (he’s so handsome too ;-;).

Point 7(They don’t go dutch) & 10(They are frugal) : From talking to him I also don’t think he would “go Dutch” when we go on a date in the future. He’s offered to pay half my plane ticket when I visit him (total ticket ~$900 CAD). Since my birthday passed a few months ago, he likes to remind me that he still owes me a game. That aside, I know I could ask for a top tier expensive game and he would buy it with no hesitation. That would make me feel bad though haha. He’s also not at all frugal when it comes to his card games. This is not to say he spends like Mozart, he knows his limits, which I love.

Point 8(They are blunt) : I just counted the months, and we’ve been together near 8 months now!! I am shocked so much time has passed oh man. We’ve definitely had moments where there was tension. It is usually solved with proper communication. I am always worried we will break up but he reassures me each time he would not break up with me; that he sees no reason to break up with me and that I would know if he lost interest AND if we did break up, it would be because of life circumstances. Just an anxiety of mine I guess.

Point 3(They know that women run the world) : He tells me he loves me everyday because of a previous bump in the early stage of our relationship. He would go a few days not speaking to me and I wouldn’t speak to him. In I guess North American culture, guys are expected to lead while females follow behind. I was expecting him to message me first but it never really happened. I guess he was also expecting me to message him first haha. Not only that, whenever we would spend time together, we would always do what I wanted to do. He would tell me that what we did together was not only dependent on what I liked, but he would like what we were doing too. So he was definitely expecting me to take the lead in some way. EVENTUALLY I broke down and cried telling him how upset I was about all this and he adjusted, and I adjusted. We usually have a monthly thing where we reflect upon our relationship and tell each other what we like and don’t like and what we want fixed. He’s 100% the one that brings the reflection bit up.

I’m a bit shy as much as I’d hate to admit. I know if I were more outgoing, he would match my energy easily. He does flirt. He was the one who initiated most of the flirting tbh. My boy really is flexible and full of life. I hope to be more outgoing one dayyy. He has mentioned that he dislikes PDA but wouldn’t mind doing it with me. Not because he wants to show off, but because he wants to express how he feels about me anywhere and he wouldn’t care what people thought if they saw him being affectionate in public. Im rambling though haha. My experience with a Dutch boy. He’s great. He’s tall. I can’t imagine being with anyone but him.

Long post, but I really enjoyed this article along with the comments and wanted to share my experience as well hopefully adding a pop of colour to the discussion.

Im a 25y dutch man and i feel verry weird after reading this. I think the man u met just wanna get in your pants. Woman want to be equal right? well then its 50/50 on the bill. I might pay if she offered to share and i really need to like that girl.

Furthermore only on the streets woman rule inside the house the man wears the pants ( phrase for being the boss) if i say to my girl jump, she will ask how high?
Btw im an average guy.

Thanks for your response Jeff. Of course this is my general observation of the Dutch guys I’ve met as well as my observations of the Dutch partners many of my friends have. Coming from an African perspective, it is as well interesting to see family dynamics in which the guy wouldn’t mind to cook or bring his partner a cup of tea. But as always, everyone’s experience is different but despite my intelligence or education, it would be strange if I was starting to know a guy and he expected me to foot half of the bill. Restaurant meals aren’t very costly, so it’s not that it wouldn’t be affordable, it’s just the thought. If we are together and going out regularly as a couple, I can pay for our meals from time to time, no problem.

Such a great article! I’m currently dating a Dutch guy and I’m kind of confused about them? We’re together for four months now. LDR but he’ll be back next month (3rd time to be here). We spent Christmas and new year together , he stayed for 3 weeks. He never asked me to split the bill. But there was a time when we had a little bit of misunderstanding and he just pop up ” You didn’t even pay for almost everything. Never split the bill.” . So that led me to further know more about Dutch guys. I’m from the Philippines btw and I guess I never had any experience for the guys I dated to split the bill. They always pay even when I ask them not to pay for my part.

Now, my Dutch guy wants to live with me and have a kid. But, I’m not sure why he doesn’t wanna get married? Is that something that Dutch guys are not really into? It’s so confusing knowing that I am from a religious country with it’s traditional ways. I guess it’s a culture thing.

This was really interesting to read! And the comments too. I went out with a Dutch guy the other day (I sorta embarrassed myself) and we split the bill for dinner and coffee. It was rather fun though since we talked the entire night. I’m interested in seeing him again but I haven’t really heard from him lately. Hoping he’ll contact me soon though! We had such great conversations