BBC Rebrands Itself ‘The Conservative Party’

The Conservative think tank formerly known as the BBC has officially changed its name to The Conservative Party. The long-expected rebranding was considered ‘well overdue’ by BBC Trust members, top officials, news and program editors, presenters and staff alike when they realised that they were all, in fact, either currently, previously or subsequently working for, or already life-long supporters of The Conservative Party.

Longtime BBC Politics Show presenter Andrew Neil, ex-chairman of The Federation ofConservativeStudents and research assistant for The Conservative Party, huffed, ‘One morning last week we [the entire BBC staff] all just looked at each other and said ‘Fuck it. Why pretend anymore?’ and that was that. Let me assure British TV licence-payers that this streamlining decision was fully democratic in line with BBC official guidelines, which by the way were laid down by my friends at The Conservative Party, as every single Conservative Party supporter working here at the BBC was allowed to vote.’

Mark Forman, BBC Trust member and former Conservative PartyTreasurer, agreed, ‘Andrew is right as, I would like to remind the public, are all Conservatives. At first we were going to call ourselves ‘The British Broadcasting Conservatives‘ but then Laura Kuenssberg shouted ‘Fuck it! If they [the licence payers] can’t stop us from mounting a hate campaign of such utterly ridiculous impartiality against Jeremy Corbyn every 15 minutes, seven days a week that would make the Nazi’s singling out of the Jews look fair – we’re even photoshopping daft hats on his head on Newsnight for fuck’s sake! – and after David Cameron and his buddies appeared on our shows 250% more than Labour MPsduring the build up to the last electionswhen we are compelled under UK law to strict impartiality regulations – then how the fuck can they stop us from changing the name to ‘The Conservative Party?‘ And that was that. Laura can be so forthright.’

Ms Kuenssberg was not available for comment as she was busy glassing a Corbyn supporter in the face at her local pub ‘The Laughing Conservative‘ but Nick Robinson, former chief BBC news editor and ex-chairman of The Cheshire Young Conservatives, defended the Beeb’s decision claiming, ‘It is vital in order to combat theories of fake news that the BBC clean up their act like this. I myself have long campaigned for a private but highly-visible monorail connecting ConservativePartyHQ to the BBC offices, all paid for at licence payer’s expense and ensuring ConservativeParty members don’t get stuck in traffic jams when travelling to and fro between important briefings. As long as the BBC continues to represent a broad spectrum of political views: all the way from soft Conservatism on the right – to hard Conservatism on the far right – then the UK public who, in my experience, are all Conservatives too, will gladly accept these changes.’

Sir Roger Carr, BBC Trust vice-chair and also [SHOCKINGLY!] BAE chairman, rallied around his friends, sycophantically oozing, ‘Andrew Neil, Nick Robinson, Laura Kuenssberg, Mark Forman and indeed all Conservatives at the BBC and everywhere else, especially Theresa May and Tony Blair, are right – it is high time we called ourselves The Conservative Party. I myself have never worked directly for The Conservative Party but BAE are practically an arm of The Conservative Party already as we share all the same core beliefs; pro war, pro debt, pro austerity, pro bankers, pro bailout, pro sickening privilege, pro no prosecutions in ongoing investigations into the Westminster pedophile ring, pro all UK top political, media, industry jobs filled with the same public school pro Conservative stooges, pro continuation of crippling student loans, pro NHS privatisation, pro third and even fourth Heathrow runways, pro arms deals with brutal regimes sanctioning further atrocities on surrounding indigenous defenceless populations, pro GCHQ recording every public email and phone call checking if you oppose Conservative policies, pro this unrelenting ludicrous political bias, pro The Conservative Party, pro BBC and pro keeping it the same way forever.’