Taxation Is a Pain in the Neck(Or in Some Other Part of the Body, Even)

The day that I filed out my tax return I had an imaginary conversation with several well known and interesting people. The topic: taxation. Is it theft? Is it annoying? Here’s how the conversation went.1

A & T: Mr. Franklin, Is there anything in life that a person can count on?

Benjamin Franklin: In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

A & T: It’s interesting that taxes have something in common with the worst possible thing that can happen to a person–death. Mr. Rogers, do you agree that taxes are like death in some way?

Will Rogers: The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

A & T: Sometimes I wonder why there are taxes in the first place? Do you ever feel that way, Mr. Trumbo?

Dalton Trumbo: Now the truth of the matter is that there are a lot of things people don’t understand. Take the Einstein theory. Take taxes. Take love. Do you understand them? Neither do I. But they exist. They happen.

A & T: What do you say Ms. Brown? Are taxes incomprehensible?

Rita May Brown: No animal on the face of the earth could conceive of taxation. You and I work roughly six months a year to pay our local, state and federal taxes. If nothing else, this should convince you that animals are smarter than people.

A & T: As I filled out my tax return, I kept thinking that I am being coerced. After all, the government assumes the power to fine me, to confiscate my property, to imprison me, and even to kill me.

Chris Rock: You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.

A & T: Every time I fill out that tax return I get frustrated with the whole process. So many different forms! So many directions!

Brad D. Smith: Good intentions often get muddled with very complex execution. The last time the government tried to make taxes easier, it created a 1040 EZ form with a 52-page help booklet.

A & T: It seems to me that the tax system is not just confusing but unfair. Do you agree, Ms. Helmsley? You must pay a lot in taxes.

Leona Helmsley: We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.

A & T:Well, aren’t you special? When I hear some wealthy people talk about avoiding taxes, I get annoyed. When I hear other wealthy people talk about wanting to pay more in taxes, I also get annoyed. Nobody is stopping them from writing a check to the Treasury.

Andrew Jackson: The wisdom of man never yet contrived a system of taxation that would operate with perfect equality.

A & T: Mr. Vidal, why do people put up with something that is complicated, confusing, and unfair?

Gore Vidal: The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along, paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.

A & T: Some people claim that taxes are not just unfair but that they actually hurt the economy by taking away the incentive to be productive: Taxes are a deadweight loss.

William Feather: The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.

A & T: Yes, that seems to be the case. Every paycheck tells me that I am being rewarded for working. Looking at the tax chart tells me that, too. Mr. Camus, some people consider the income tax theft. Is a tax on goods better?

Albert Camus: Note, besides, that it is no more immoral to directly rob citizens than to slip indirect taxes into the price of goods that they cannot do without.

A & T: Robbing citizens? Do you agree, Mr. Spooner, that taxes are a way of robbing people?

Lysander Spooner: If taxation without consent is robbery, the United States government has never had, has not now, and is never likely to have, a single honest dollar in its treasury. If taxation without consent is not robbery, then any band of robbers have only to declare themselves a government, and all their robberies are legalized.

A & T: Wow! That’s pretty bold, but I see no way to dispute it. I’ll give Mr. Abbey the last word. What do you say about taxes?

Edward Abbey: Taxation: how the sheep are shorn.

A & T: No wonder I felt so cold after filling out my 1040! Oh, and that crick in my neck! Not to mention the part of my body that I sat on while I filled out the blasted thing!

These quotations are authentic, according to BrainyQuote. It’s funny that you can hardly find a single quotation about taxes and taxation that is positive! ↩

Written by

A husband, father, missionary, teacher, pianist, amateur writer, and family historian. He earned a B. A. and an M. A. in English, but don't hold that against him. He turned from conservatism to voluntaryism over the course of several years of intense thought and Bible study.

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