Michigan

Hell is for sale…and Damned wants to buy it. Earlier last week, it was announced that Hell, Michigan was up for sale, and now a group of artists from the Detroit area, who refer to themselves as “Damned," have launched a Kickstarter campaign to buy it.

A Michigan woman has been selected as part of the first round of candidates to be launched into a new permanent residence on Mars in 2024. Laura Smith-Velazquez was recently contacted by administrators of the Mars One project and informed that she was one step closer to living on the Red Planet.

In Michigan, even dead men are expected to pay fines. According to a report from WNEM-TV, a Caro man who died in jail 17 years ago recently received a summons to appear in court over failure to pay the court costs associated with his criminal case.

Medical marijuana is back on the legislative docket this session. On Thursday, two bills were re-introduced in the state legislature aimed at legalizing cannabis edibles and dispensaries. This is unfinished business from last year, when the session ended without a decision on the issue.

As a rule, it is always best to empty your pockets before walking into a government building. Otherwise, you could end up like this poor sap. Michigan police say a man showed up at a local police station over the weekend to get a friend out of jail, but ended up in a cell next to him after pulling out a bag of cocaine while paying his bail.

Self-serve beer could be on its way to Michigan. A recent report from The Detroit News gives us hope for an otherwise depressing society – “tableside devices so customers can tap their own drinks such as wine, or a "wall of beer" where they can draw a favorite amber or stout from a row of self-serve spigots.”

Michigan lawmakers believe the workforce should receive paid sick time. A piece of legislation introduce earlier this week would force employers to provide their workers with a specific amount of sick time each work week. This would allow someone who works 40 hours a week to collect over eight days of sick time per year.

A Michigan lawmaker is fed up with teenagers who are more familiar with Taylor Swift than George Washington. This is why he plans to introduce a piece of legislation in the upcoming session that will make it mandatory for high school students to pass the same civics exam as immigrants wanting to become citizens of the United States.

The state of Michigan has a message for the unemployed: if you do not have a job in 2015, it is because you are a lazy P.O.S. with no ambition. While state officials did not actually release a statement calling jobless Michiganders worthless scum suckers of the system, a recent report indicates that the jobless rate in the Great Lake State was the lowest it has been in 12 years by the end of 2014 – a revelation that points a finger at the unemployed working man and asks, “What’s up, bro?”

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