Author
Topic: Homemade hard lemonade (Read 10624 times)

First of all, let me begin this post by stressing how much it pains me to post this. I find this crap absolutely awful, but SWMBO loves the stuff, and who couldn't stand to score a few extra points, right?

Do you keg? If so, why not make up 5 gallons of ovely sweet lemonade and add a bottle or two of vodka? Carb it up and serve. I've actually been thinking of doing something like this for Hard Iced Tea, you know, for the ladies...

Logged

"In three things is a man revealed: in his wine goblet, in his purse, and in his wrath."

Clearly, this calls for for some domestic diplomacy. It's my experience that wives/girlfriends/SO who "don't like beer" aren't properly educated as to the full range of beers out there. Carefully approach her, bearing suitable glittery offerings, and ask her what it is about beer she doesn't like.

Try to find a good commercial example of a style of beer that she might favor. Share it with her. Carefully observe her reactions. Like the male mantis, be prepared to flee at the first sign of trouble.

Start by trying her out on low-hop, slightly sweet styles, like Munich Helles, Blonde Ale, Koelsch, American Wheat and Hefeweizen. You might also try her on Berlinerweisse, if you can get it or brew it. If you can afford it, see if she goes for Flanders Red, Flanders Brown or Fruit Lambic (Lindeman's Framboise is innocuous and makes a good dessert topping if she doesn't drink it).

If she "sort of likes" a particular beer, have her try it with a bit of lemon. There's nothing wrong with beer cocktails like lemon and lager, radlermaas or shandy when conjugal bliss is at stake.

Once you've found a commercial style of beer that she likes well enough, try to dial in a really first-rate homebrewed version. Get her to collaborate on recipe design. She can't complain that much if she helped brew it.

If all that fails, you're probably better off just making a cocktail of lemonade and vodka or making lemon-flavored cordials.

Technically, foul swill like Mike's IS a "malt beverage," but that like saying that dollar store dog food is roast rack of spring lamb. The exact processes involved are secret, propriety and obscene. They are said to involve producing a high-gravity, highly fermentable wort from malt and the blood of innocents, fermenting it with a highly-attenuative yeast strain drooled from the lips of hellhounds, and then filtering the result through a 0.2 micron filter while standing naked within a pentagram made of black candles and chanting in the Black Tongue. The resulting liquid is then treated with lemon-like flavor mixtures believed to include the tears of tortured children and colorants rumored to be derived from the souls of 17 Hell-sworn SAB-Miller executives.

I might have gotten some of the details wrong, but it's definitely not something a sane and God-fearing homebrewer would want to get involved in. In my opinion.

Clearly, this calls for for some domestic diplomacy. It's my experience that wives/girlfriends/SO who "don't like beer" aren't properly educated as to the full range of beers out there. Carefully approach, her, bearing suitable glittery offerings, and ask her what it is about beer she doesn't like.

Try to find a good commercial example of a style of beer that she might favor. Share it with her. Carefully observe her reactions. Like the male mantis, be prepared to flee at the first sign of trouble.

Start by trying her out on low-hop, slightly sweet styles, like Munich Helles, Blonde Ale, Koelsch, American Wheat and Hefeweizen. You might also try her on Berlinerweisse, if you can get it or brew it. If you can afford it, see if she goes for Flanders Red, Flanders Brown or Fruit Lambic (Lindeman's Framboise is innocuous and makes a good dessert topping if she doesn't drink it).

If she "sort of likes" a particular beer, have her try it with a bit of lemon. There's nothing wrong with beer cocktails like lemon and lager, radlermaas or shandy when conjugal bliss is at stake.

Once you've found a commercial style of beer that she likes well enough, try to dial in a really first-rate homebrewed version. Get her to collaborate on recipe design. She can't complain that much if she helped brew it.

If all that fails, you're probably better off just making a cocktail of lemonade and vodka or making lemon-flavored cordials.

Technically, foul swill like Mike's IS a "malt beverage," but that like saying that dollar store dog food is roast rack of spring lamb. The exact processes involved are secret, propriety and obscene. They are said to involve producing a high-gravity highly fermentable wort from malt and the blood of innocents, fermenting it with a highly-attenuative yeast strain drooled from the lips of hellhounds, and then filtering the result through a 0.2 micron filter while standing naked within a pentagram made of black candles and chanting in the Black Tongue. The resulting liquid is then treated with lemon-like flavor mixtures said to include the tears of tortured children and colorants rumored to be derived from the souls of 17 Hell-sworn SAB-Miller executives.

I might have gotten some of the details wrong, but it's definitely not something a sane and God-fearing homebrewer would want to get involved in. In my opinion.

Technically, foul swill like Mike's IS a "malt beverage," but that like saying that dollar store dog food is roast rack of spring lamb. The exact processes involved are secret, propriety and obscene. They are said to involve producing a high-gravity highly fermentable wort from malt and the blood of innocents, fermenting it with a highly-attenuative yeast strain drooled from the lips of hellhounds, and then filtering the result through a 0.2 micron filter while standing naked within a pentagram made of black candles and chanting in the Black Tongue. The resulting liquid is then treated with lemon-like flavor mixtures said to include the tears of tortured children and colorants rumored to be derived from the souls of 17 Hell-sworn SAB-Miller executives.

I might have gotten some of the details wrong, but it's definitely not something a sane and God-fearing homebrewer would want to get involved in. In my opinion.