NBA Commissioner David Stern announced to the world last week that he is retiring -- in 15 months.

That raises the obvious question: Why such short notice?

That only gives those of us who don't really care what David Stern is going to do in 15 months ... let's see here ... just 15 months to prepare ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for his departure.

Hopefully a month from now Stern will re-remind us that he plans to retire in 14 months, then another announcement a month later re-re-reminding us that we're now only 13 months from his retirement, etc., etc.

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Because heaven forbid this thing should sneak up on us.

This is like the scene from "Rocky" where Rocky convinces the owner of the ice skating rink to keep it open for a few more minutes for Rocky and Adrian on their first date.

As Rocky gives her a brief thumbnail on himself ("You can see I ain't too graceful, you know what I mean? I don't move well, but I'll tell ya, I can really swat."), the owner is in the background shouting it out as the time to closing nears: ". . . Three minutes!"

Talk about pressure!

". . . Yooooo, time!"

So for those scoring at home we're only 15 months away from "Yooooo, time!" for David Stern. Let's synchronize our apathy, if not our watches.

Speaking of watches, it was on Stern's watch that there was a player-fan riot in Indianapolis, a referee who admitted he bet on games he was officiating, the Knicks "winning" (nudge-nudge) the draft lottery for Patrick Ewing, two player lockouts, and the current takeover of the league by its superstar players, who now pick their own teams and teammates as part of the AAU-ization of the NBA.

You know, just in case you came hoping to see something more than just a mere basketball game.

David Stern helped orchestrate all of it. For you, America. For you.

He also oversaw the globalization of the NBA, helped make millions of dollars for the league's owners and players, and was on a first-name basis with Smush Parker.

No wonder the guy's exhausted.

That's why -- did you get the memo? -- he's retiring. Not now. But a year from now -- plus three more months after that. Fifteen months in all. Comes down to roughly a year and a quarter from today. About 452 days. Well over 60 weeks. Then that's it. He's outta here. See ya! And don't try to talk him out of it.

If you're interested, he has registered for retirement gifts at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and he would prefer anything but a Homedics Body Bubble Bath Spa. He's already gotten about a half dozen of those rascals, and, really, how many does one ex-commissioner need?

One of Stern's last acts, prior to announcing that he was going to retire in 15 months, was to crack down on the elaborate pre-game handshakes and rituals NBA players go through between the end of the player introductions and the opening tip-off.

Teams now have 90 seconds from the end of the introductions to be ready for tipoff. Teams in violation of the rule will be assessed a delay-of-game warning.

How a team can be assessed a delay-of-game warning in a game that hasn't started yet and, therefore, is not yet technically "a game" wasn't explained.

What is clear, however, is that the new rule is going to put a crimp in many teams' pre-game rituals.

For example, players from the Charlotte Bobcats this year had, prior to the start of each game, planned to present the entire first act from the London stage adaptation by Sir Alec Guinness of Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations."

"I guess that's out the window now," said power forward Bismack Biyombo.

Maybe it's the result of having to work every week with serial motormouth Phil Simms, but CBS announcer Jim Nantz, at the end of New England's overtime win over the Jets last week, said the Jets won the game, in "a stunner" that was "the biggest upset of the day."

Actually, the biggest upset of the day came in the middle of the second quarter, after the Patriots ran a play, and Simms remained silent.

In a Sports Illustrated poll of NFL players, Tim Tebow was voted the most overrated player in the league.

I would put ESPN a close second.

LeBron James said last week he wants to be "the best of all-time," apparently forgetting that the Cavs replaced him with Omri ...

So Mike Holmgren says he might like to coach again. NOW he gets the bug?

Quick, who do you like in the Legends Division of the Big 10?

Is there a better name anywhere in professional sports right now than "Buster Posey"?

You think the Browns' offense looks bad? Imagine how bad it would look if Pat Shurmur DIDN'T cover his mouth when he was calling the plays.

Weak of the week

According to CBSSports.com, Yankees manager Joe Girardi called the press box and ordered the team's public address announcer not to mention Alex Rodriguez's name when announcing Eric Chavez into the game as a pinch hitter for Rodriguez in Game 1 of the AL Championship Series. Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman said Girardi made the call to spare Rodriguez further embarrassment.