Danette Mitchell: Exploring the definition of what really is ‘true’ courage

Several weeks ago, I watched a TEDxWellingtonWomen presentation given by Marianne Elliott titled “True Courage” in which she demonstrated how Google’s images of courage, differed from people she had surveyed and had asked their definition.

Elliott said when she googled “courage,” she was given images of firefighters, soldiers, paratroopers, rock climbers and man alone facing some physical challenge. These activities require a tremendous amount of courage. However, Elliott said her friends and family and even strangers said their most courageous moments were being a parent, revealing to family and friends their same-sex relationship, falling in love again when their hearts had been broken, caring for a sick family member, losing a loved one, leaving a marriage, dealing with an illness or financial loss or facing critical family issues.

Elliott concluded from responses gathered that our acts of bravery are often not Google’s representation of bravery, but the courage that is invisible but essential and that dominates our ordinary lives, yet it is critical to the future we want for ourselves, our families, our communities and society as a whole. So then what is “true” courage?

Six kinds of courage were given by Elliott in her presentation that she believes defines true courage. True courage is to stand by our core, meaning we must first be true to ourselves, to our vision and to our purpose. It takes courage to be who we are and accept who we are not which is OK, Elliott said. She asked, “How can we stand with others if we cannot stand with ourselves?”

True courage, Elliott suggested, requires asking for help. She believes we hesitate asking for help because it may involve showing people our fears or revealing how messed up our lives really are. I agree. Yet asking for help is admitting we cannot live this life without each other. To have courageous communities, Elliott explained we need to ask for help and support each other.

The third type of courage Elliott gave is that we must have the courage to care. However, we must also understand that we leave ourselves opened to being hurt and sometimes by the people we are attempting to help.

True courage requires that we try, fail and apologize. It takes courage to leave a secured job and start a business without stable financial backing and well-known connections. It takes courage for an unknown political candidate to run against an incumbent who has popular endorsements and lucrative financial support. Equally important, it takes courage to admit when we’ve made mistakes and apologize to others.

Another type of true courage is being present. Elliott said when our inner lives are shattered into pieces and our outer world is confusing and scary, we tend to look away or engage in destructive behaviors. When we see inequalities and other social injustices in our communities, it is easier to turn our heads. But our society needs people, Elliott said, to pay attention and be aware.

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Finally, true courage requires getting up and trying again. Elliott quoted from author Mary Anne Radmacher who wrote “Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll get up and try again tomorrow.”

Many people may wonder how they’re going to go through 2017 without their loved one, or continue being financially strapped, or live with a problem they cannot solve, which may be a chronic physical condition or a terminal illness. Others are concerned about how the new administration’s policies will affect their lives. Some of us may believe we are freaking cowards.

But what if we, as Elliott suggested, used vulnerability as our true measurement of courage and consider those times when we were the most exposed or the most vulnerable, yet we pressed forward? When were those times when we knew we had blown it, yet we said, we’ll try again? I’ll give one. The moment I walked into a support group, I knew my secret had just been exposed, yet I stayed.

Despite overwhelming odds, many ordinary people amid their own challenges decided to make an impact and serve the disenfranchised, the marginalized, the vulnerable and neglected populations through volunteer work or many other social advocacy activities — all of which required “true” courage. The country needs more of us to demonstrate this courage in 2017 so that we can be a forceful transformation to bring about sustainable changes.

The author is a social issues advocate, writer and a Vacaville resident. E-mail: damitchell@earthlink.net.