Dumbass Pages

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Drunk Lady Flushes $500,000 Lotto Ticket Down Toilet!

I used to play the Wednesday and Saturday Lotto games in Texas every week. At a buck a ticket, why not?

Two dollars is a small price to pay for a Life of Luxury, Leisure and Financial Security, right?

While we didn't have the Super Mega Bucks Rich Ass Lotto game back home in Texas the last time I lived there, the Texas Lotto jackpot would regularly reach into the $30 - $40 million range. Two buck for a chance at that much cheese? I'm fucking all in, Dude.

However, $30 or $40 million ain't shit.

Some of the Mega Bucks Rich Out the Ass Lotto jackpots have recently have been in the half billion dollar neighborhood.

That's. Five. Hundred. Million. Samolians.

Of course the odds of winning a payout like that are about the same as Michael Moore schtooping Jessica Alba.

Some Kraut Frau (that's "German Broad" for all you Yoopers out there) recently hit the lottery for over a half million Deutsch Marks, or $550,000 U.S.A nursing home that been caring for Frau Stoopidheimer'shusband caught wind of her little windfall.

What happens next is completely unbelievable - the Volkswagens requested, nay demanded that Frau Autobahn compensate them for services rendered!

How dare they!

Infuriated Frau Dingleberryhoffer went off her weinerschitzel and quickly sucked down five bottles of champagne!

It is my Considered Former Professioanl Drinker Opinion that being plastered on Cheap German Champagne is not conducive to sound, rational decision making.

In support of this argument I present to you incontrovertible evidence: Frau Schnokkeredpuss tore up the lottery ticket worth a half million dollars! Not only that, Frau Schmidtfaced flushed it down the fucking toilet!

Valuable Lessons

There are a few Valuable Lessons to be gleaned from this woeful Tale of Champagne Drunkenness on a Beer Budget.

Flying into a rage of this magnitude is unhealthy.

And stoopid.

Going from the outhouse to the penthouse can happen at the most unexpected times.

So can going from the penthouse back into the shitter.

German lottery winners should refrain from getting schnitzelgrubbered until after cashing in on their good fortune.

Place your Rags to Riches lottery-winning ticket in a safe place.

Not in the Johan (that's German for "John")

I think.

Cheap Kraut Bubbly will end up making Frau Scheisekopf 's love tunnel very sore.

Every time she recalls what she did with this small fortune she'll feel fucked all over again.