At the beginning of the month, Jamie and Ben were literally just getting over their bout of chicken pox, and as I mentioned in my March post both my husband and I were asked to be in the bridal party for a family wedding at the start of April, so I spent the first week of the month going up the wall worrying that they may not be recovered in time. My main obsession was thinking of what would I do if they were still ill? I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my kids while they're unwell - and who on earth would you ask to step into your shoes anyway?

Well, thankfully they were mostly well by the day of the wedding. My friend took Ben overnight and my mam took the older two both to dress them for the wedding and again that night after the meal.
It all worked out well in the end but my anxiety flared up something fierce with the uncertainty, and I'm still struggling a little now a month later. I forgot just how wretched it can make you feel!
More on that in a bit.

So the wedding itself was wonderful and we enjoyed the heck out of being kid free at the reception, but rocking out of the resident's bar at 5 am clad in our wedding finery was not our brightest idea!
The kids landed into us at noon and we ventured back to the hotel again around 4.30pm for a few sociable ones and finger food. I stuck with a coke being pure raw from overindulgence the previous day!

That weekend was the start of the Easter holidays for Will. I was ecstatic to be avoiding the school rush for two whole weeks, however, by Monday morning I was gagging for a bit of peace. The older two were murdering each other for the sport of it and by God, they were grating on my last nerve.

We decided to play "school". I became Teacher instead of Mammy and ya know what? It worked! No more fighting while "school" was in session. They were on their best behaviour - it was blissful! Phonics were the most popular part of school, mainly Will teaching Jamie how to sound out words. When they're getting on like that my heart pure melts!

I don't know if it has been my aforementioned anxiety hitting peak levels or just that I'm an impatient so-and-so but I've found myself being really short tempered with my 3-year-old lately. I'm a firm believer in the stage of the threenager - and it's not generally a pleasant stage, not from past experience anyway. But Jamie takes it to new heights. Maybe it's the dreaded "middle child syndrome" that's making him worse. Maybe it's cause he's the second child watching his older sibling and wanting to do everything he sees his big brother do.

Maybe it's his big brother egging him on to do stupid crap and he's gullible and impressionable enough to go along with it. Maybe he's just been sent here to destroy me but by God, he'd try the patience of a saint. He just doesn't listen to a single word I say. I feel like if I don't shout it at him then he chooses not to hear me. I could ask him ten times to stop what he's doing and he'll just ignore me until the inevitable happens which is he either hurts himself or I raise my voice. I don't like doing the latter but I don't like the former either. I just can't win!

I mean, now don't get me wrong. He's the most lovable rogue you'll ever meet in your life but I honestly have never met. For example - he had his first weaning in day at Montessori recently. He's due to start his ECCE year there in September and as it's the same place Will attended, he's over the moon at following in his idol's footsteps!

So his time there went well. He didn't cry when I left and was happy while I was gone. Score! But then I heard that he had called one of his teachers over to ask her did she know that sticking up your middle finger is a bad word - and showed her what he meant too! The mortification was very real!! All too soon the holidays were over and it was back to the grind. I decided to start this final school term with as little stress as possible and to hopefully remove unwanted anxiety in my life.

As I mentioned previously my anxiety was bad this past month. I don't know exactly the cause of it and I don't remember when it got to the point where I realised "Hey, I don't feel right!" but I do know that it's been really horrible. I'm almost reclusive at this point, trying to find ways to stop people visiting our house and making excuses as to why I can't meet X, Y and Z.

And so, I'm embarking upon May with a hopeful tone. We're due to fly to France at the end of the month and we'll also be celebrating 6 years of wedded bliss so I'm sure it's to be a little easier on my anxiety levels than April has been. Here's hoping anyway!

About the Author

Pamela O'Rourke is a full time wife and mother. She loves to spend her days helping to build her sons' imaginations and shaping them into the men they will someday become. When she has a spare moment or two she enjoys planning the family's next trip to their favourite place on earth, Walt Disney World!