The dumbest one i've read was a robber who attempted to hold up a jewelry store that was also a gunsmith store. Lets just say there were about 5-10 people who turned around and opened fire include a police officer who was off duty and the shop owner. The rest were customers who had their own pistols with them at the time.

Originally Posted by jsharr

A girl once asked me to give her twelve inches and make it hurt. I had to make love to her 3 times and then punch her in the nose.

I seem to recall some particularly stupid ones such as a bank robber writing the note on one of his own deposit slips.

My personal favorite actually happened in a town I lived in years ago. Some guy robbed a bank in full clown costume with makeup so no one could recognize him. 'Course all it took was an APB for a clown, and the guy was hauled in within minutes.

A few years back, two guys tried to rip the ATM machine out of a drive-up area at a bank close to my house. They wrapped a chain around it and attached the chain to the bumper of their pickup. Instead of ripping the machine out of the ground, it ripped the bumper off the truck. They drove off, leaving the bumper attached to the chain, attached to the machine. Needless to say, the license plate on the bumper led the police to the robbers.

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Originally Posted by colorider

Phobias are for irrational fears. Fear of junk ripping badgers is perfectly rational. Those things are nasty.

I saw the video of this one on some cop show or other (my Mom's favorite viewing) - Guy tries to rob the convenience store. The clerk completely flips out and is useless, and the guy can't get the cash drawer open. He grabs the entire register, turns and starts trying to run out the door with it in his hands. As he nears the door, he comes to the end of the tether - no locks or security devices, just the power cords and data cables.

It may as well have been attached to a boulder with a case-hardened chain. The guy's feet flew out from under him like he'd been clotheslined, and he fell flat on his back, followed immediately by the cash register falling on his chest like a ton of bricks. It looked like something out of a "Roadrunner" cartoon. Absolutely hysterical.

True story. I was working for an electronics store that sold parts ("You've got questions...") Two 20ish guys start looking around, and one asks question about a scaner he "bought from a friend". We figured out what he needed and the parts needed to be ordered, so I proceeded to complete what needed to be done, and they left. A few minutes later we noticed a few items missing from the store. The manager was going balistic because we didn't key an eye on them. After a minute or two, I told him to calm down (as I tried not to laugh) because we had thier name, address, and phone number for the parts they ordered because they had to be shipped to thier house. After the police made a friendly visit to the boys they found about $1000 of stolen merchandise from various stores, including the scanner which was stolen from the local Walmart. They spent a few years in jail.

I think I might have posted this one before.... There was a guy who broke into a residence. Upon exiting, he left via the back window. As he was climbing out of the window, he fell. The impact hit him hard enough to where his glass eye popped out. He got scared and ran quickly away, for fear that him falling on something below the window causing such a racket would gain attention.

While the police were checking out the scene, they found the eyeball with his name embedded on the back of it.

Originally Posted by Buddha

We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.

Originally Posted by making

Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

A friend's dad was an FBI agent back in the Hoover days. Apparently Hoover had a policy of docking pay of anyone who was even a minute late getting back from work. So on Fridays when everyone got their paycheck, every FBI agent brought a bag lunch and went straight to the nearest bank to cash their check, then went back to work and ate at their desk.

Apparently some genius decided to rob that bank at about 12:15 on a Friday. I guess he wasn't expecting there to be about 100 armed FBI agents in the lines.

FTW:
When I lived in Suisun City, California over 20 years ago, a couple of real geniuses burglarized a local business one night. Unable to open or lift the very large antique safe, they pushed it a couple of blocks down the street to their trailer park, and hid it behind their trailer. In the morning, the cops followed the drag marks left in the street (yes, very heavy safe), knocked on the door, and arrested the occupants.

A few years back a man robbed a bank in the Cleveland area. In his haste he left his wallet on the counter. The police looked in the wallet and found his address on his I.D. They went to his house and arrested him.