Why I don’t believe in Soulmates

I know this topic is pretty controversial in the world of love, and I know lots of people who STRONGLY believe in it. Hollywood romcoms would cease to exist without the idea, but the truth is… All standing evidence points otherwise. One of my textbooks for a class I’m taking this semester says, as clear as day, that the reason people fall in love are: proximity, similarities, reciprocity, and physical attractiveness.

Are you mad at me right now? I’m sure at least a few of you are. My best friend and I talked about this a while ago and from what I gathered she is a big believer in this one ultimate Mr. Right who you’re destined to be with. I told her that if, for whatever reason, T and I don’t work out (which I really hope we do) I believe I could find someone else, no better and no worse. I 100% believe in the spark, initial attraction, and in a certain way, fate… don’t get me wrong. I believe you meet people for a reason, and maybe that makes me hypocritical, but I think fate and a hyped up singular “soul mate” are different things. Why? Because I believe that you have to WORK at making a relationship happen in the long run. And… stay with me here… this means you could potentially make things work with anyone if you both want it enough, have good communication skills, and have at least a few similar interests.

This could just be me, but I think there is also a sort of snobby elite-ness to the idea of soulmates. I know people who flaunt the fact that they found theirs so young, and many many more who worry that something is wrong with them because they haven’t had a serious boyfriend, much less found a soulmate, by the time they’re in college (I was one of them). Wouldn’t it be nicer if, instead of spending so much time worrying about whether you’re missing out on Mr. Perfect, you realize that you don’t actually HAVE to be looking for that one in 7 billion, but instead have hundreds of people that you could potentially fall in love with, and have a very happy life together. It’s really just up to timing… Who you decide to put in the effort to be with and who you meet first.

I know that’s really different than everything we’re taught and want to believe and trust me, it even freaks me out at times because I sometimes worry that T and I are together simply because we work so hard at it. Does that mean we’re not destined to be together? There were times when I worried it might be. But now I know otherwise… EVERY relationship takes work, but if you’re able to make that commitment to work at it every day with that other person and to tell them everything, trust them, and show them love… You will have a happy, healthy relationship. I can almost guarantee it.

anywho

I honestly believe that T is who I’m supposed to be with at this time. And the small part of me that believes in fate knows that our meeting could be nothing but. Not to say that I don’t worry or have commitment issues or act like a total nutcase every other day and freak him out. But I try, and he understands because he loves me.

Alright, I know this post has been really heavy and serious, but I hope you guys didn’t take it that way. It’s just my opinion, you can think otherwise, but I hope you take the time to consider all the good things that open up once you let go of the stereotypical idea of love we see in nicholas sparks films. You CAN have romance- I do all the time, and I could tell you so many ways T has done the unexpected or gone above and beyond my relationship expectations to where I’ve honestly felt like my life was a movie. But I guess that’s when you know you’ve got a good one. 🙂

So to you romantics out there who weren’t the biggest fans of this post, I’m going to write about really lovey dovey stuff next time. How I met T and how he taught me what a good relationship (and love) really is.

Until then, stay bundled up, because I don’t know about you, but it’s FREEZING where I live.

Let me clarify and say that I would like to think that soul mates exist but do not know if I think there really is such a thing. I completely agree about the work part of relationships. People think it should be easy and when it isn’t anymore divorce time! We should know that anything worth any value takes time and effort. Relationships with friends and family takes work and effort. Love is patient. T is patient. Haha
I suppose if I am supposed to find a man, I will know when I meet him if this is the poor fellow haha. And I cannot wait for your “unrealistic” post tomorrow! Bhahaha Love you! I read all of your posts Seuss!