Fake Friendliness and the Ongoing Degeneration of Interpersonal Relationships

Why are Instant Messaging, Smartphones, FaceBook, Twitter, Gaming etc so popular inspite of the fact that they take away time from face-to-face communication of any kind? Why do people check them even when they are alone with their SOs? Why will people use smartphone apps when they are having sex?

Why are digital facsimiles of interaction able to compete with real life interactions?

In my opinion, the ability of a facsimile to compete with the real thing indicate that the latter has serious deficiencies. When is the last time you chose vegan burgers over the real thing? Would you prefer reconstituted chicken nuggets with soy fillers over authentic and fresh fried chicken?

There are only two reasons why a facsimile would be preferred over the real thing.

Since we are interact with many people throughout a normal day, there is obviously no scarcity of human beings who are not overtly adversarial. Therefore we are forced to conclude that real-life interpersonal relationships are contaminated, poisoned or tainted to levels that make them useless or worse than useless. Some of you might believe that this general lack of sincerity is part of a conspiracy to control humans, or something along those lines. Others might see this as an effect of materialism, wealth or urbanization.

Here is my explanation-

It has a lot to do with fake friendliness and politeness that permeate contemporary western culture.

A signal can be ‘seen’ only if it rises above the background noise. A large ratio between the signal and noise allow us to see it clearly. Conversely a low ratio between the signal and noise hinder its detection, and often ultimately discourage the observer from searching for a real signal.

So when, and why, did fake friendliness and politeness enter the western world?

If you have observed and interacted with people from all over the world- one thing becomes obvious. The extent of cultural feminization and ritualized behavior has a very high correlation with fakeness and disingenuity. The fakest people can be found in countries such as Canada, USA, New Zealand, Scandinavian Countries and Australia. Even in these countries- the effeminate SWPL types exhibit much more of this behavior than their blue-collar counterparts.

What do you think? Comments?

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probably a combo. Auto culture and suburbs increases the hassle factor of maintaining friendships. It’s easier to update facebook and get back to watching TV rather than get in the car and fight traffic and red lights. And if you are single guy, the world will probably seem lonelier than normal, as a wife / girlfriend is often key for connecting with larger society.

I well remember walking about American college campuses (’70s) and being astonished at how friendly the girls were (HIiie!!), and that was coming from Canada. At first this gave me a winning the lottery feeling. Ultimately you realize such smiles also bare the fangs.
Early eighties (unemployment) brought the “have a nice day” culture to Canada, along with obseqious slave-like politeness at the grocery line. It was amazing how wobbles in the business cycle could change culture and turn people into servants.
Although this phenemenon (90% of communication isn’t just exchange, but consciously wielded as a means to an end) is spreading everywhere, the USA easily represents the summit.
One of the aspects where this is most noticeable is the “be positive religion”. People are constantly exhorted to be positive, and anything negative is eventually censored: as if modern life cannot bear an honest look. On public channels, this results in things like: One person who loses his job and transforms this crisis into an opportunity to establish his own business cancels out 10 million people without prospects. (They should have been more positive and done the same).

That’s one of the 5 modern religions, which include:
environMENTALISM, feminism, eat right, meritocracy and positive thinking.

You can’t criticise any of these without being labelled and mobbed.

environmentalism: thinly disguised racism
feminism: female supremacy AND unaccountability
eat right: everything that happens to your health is ONLY cause by your diet
meritocracy: work hard and you will succeed beyond your wildest dreams, tell that to labourers.
positive thinking: if you want something deeply enough, it will happen or get given to you, … so where is my Miss Universe tiara?

There is something to this, but I think it needs to be fleshed out more.

For me, I can no longer have “serious” conversations with anyone in person – except for two people. But I do not see them all the time. If I want to discuss something serious, or maybe even not so serious, I go on-line. Having to type things out forces you to put your thoughts in order, instead of just babbling like an idiot.

Also, when you talk to people face to face, there are some people who believe they can monopolize your time. So you walk in to discuss just one issue, and then they will go off on a tangent and start talking about other matters, taking up valuable time.

Online forums, Facebook, etc. allow people to have more control over the image they present to the world. If people make fun of the way you talk, well, just put your thoughts into words. If people make fun of the way you look, post your best picture in your profile. It is no more fake than real conversation.

There is also the matter of people in your area. If the people in your immediate neighborhood are not that interesting, go online and find people from around the world who might be interesting.

One consequence of women taking on more prominent roles in colleges and workplaces, such places are now hotbeds of “fake” behavior. It is no accident that as women’s numbers grew in these areas, that suddenly you had speech codes and seminars on harassment. BTW, the best take on harassment was by Chris Rock, “It’s all about looks. If Clarence Thomas looked like Denzel Washington, the charge of sexual harassment would never have happened.”

I really disagree. While people get addicted to facebook/twitter/SMS modes of communication, it doesn’t make them happy. It’s like a drug — a quick hit of what feels like social interaction or connection, but which you later realizes wasn’t, and makes you crave more. People at some level long for real interaction and real connections.

All this technology and isolation are making people fundamentally unhappy or empty whether they want to admit it or not. There’s no glorious future of people saying fuck you to everyone else, and playing Madden alone while jerking to porn and posting on twitter and being happy about it.

There is also a cultural difference there. The culture is indirect. You never say something straight away. It’s implied. The behavior is ingrained in both the U.S. and Japan. Both “fake” without realizing because that’s what they grew up with. The only difference is that the U.S. has a directly opposite intent behind the fakeness (“Ugh, it’s her again. Just say, ‘Hi? How are you? Good? You?’ and get it over with.) and Japan has an indirect purpose (It is hot, but it is impolite to ask him to open the window. I’ll mention how hot the weather is.)

As I’ve matured I’ve found it harder and harder to find like-minded smart young people my age (early 20’s) who want to have long serious discussions about subjects that interest me (science, politics, history, philosophy, religion etc…), mostly things I read and discuss on blogs like this one.

Most kids my age just want to get stoned/drunk, and go to a concert/party, where they can stand around sweaty and roasting, pretending they are enjoying themselves and taking facebook photos.

My number of friends has gradually diminished since high-school near to one, whom I spend a lot of time with (he also can’t find many people to have good conversations with). My other lifelong friend is not developing along the same mental lines as I, so I don’t find myself wanting to spend a lot of time with him.

I wouldn’t even know what to do with a girlfriend. Last one I tried having deep conversations with looked at me with wide eyes and could only answer “I don’t know, what do YOU think about that?”, so female conversationalists are out of the question. I don’t even think any exist.
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I think once you build trust with people, a lot of that cultural programming and fake politeness goes away. That’s when you feel like you have a real friend.

And this can happen instantly. Sometimes it just takes you dropping the politeness and getting real, and the other person is refreshed and appreciative of your honest perspective, and eager to delve into that new frame without the bullshit.

I think once you build trust with people, a lot of that cultural programming and fake politeness goes away. That’s when you feel like you have a real friend.

Provided the person isn’t a jackass zombie to start with. The effort of digging through the large numbers of jackass zombies to find the few people who aren’t is tiresome.

Also, your up-beat testimonial indicates your “real” person is probably one of those bold people who hates fat people or poor people(blacks). It takes so much courage to stab a knife in the lowest status person you can find. It can takes months to “get to that place”.

I think this is kind of funny how most people idea here of a friend more or less involve being able to talk about what on your mind and who will agree with everything you say almost like way in a women yeah I went there are you mad bros.

it like damn you can always find someone to speak your about the shit you believe in or how you feel but how many of them will help you out in a time of need or not stab you in the back in order to get laid by some hot whore or to get far in there career by lying behind your back to everyone in the office or try to cheat you out your money.

It like damn I don’t care about their cultural programming or fake politeness so long as they don’t betray or try to get one over on me I would be cool with them.

that essay has a lot of truth in it but for most people they know you go to party for fun not for intelligence enlightenment.

Deus

June 5, 2011 at 1:25 pm

What happens when standing around with an overpriced watered down drink in uncomfortable clothes listening to music that is too loud in a room that smells like BO and is about 30 degrees too hot is not fun?

You end up like a lot of us.

Hating the world because we are mostly alone.

And I don’t give a shit if a friend agrees with me or not. In fact it’s nice to test yourself and argue. Sometimes you see new points of view, or are given new information.

The problem is there aren’t enough IN’s on this planet, because we mostly fail at reproduction. Young women don’t want IN, they want ESFP’s and ESTP’s, because hanging out with them rushes chemicals to their brains.

Why would I want to bring another IN into this world, so he can suffer through this pointless trite like I am now.

FB can be utilized in a way to keep socialization at a minimum while also being able to share certain deeper thoughts at random, extracting certain relevant info from our circles without direct contact unless you wish and, more than anything, if you’re paying attention, helps us to seek out like- minded friends to increase the odds of meaningful exchanges. I have to admit to some degree of shallow self advertisement when posting pics of myself with friends, family, traveling, whatever… I’m a somewhat attractive female with acceptable credentials but what I’m really saying is, “I think about things and value ideas that most of you haven’t even considered in your alternate reality and I’m interested in discussing our differences or similarities in writing.” Because I need time to digest information and formulate a thoughtful response, this works amazingly well form me. Most people could care less about what I think, but I’m still making an impression from a different POV. And every now and then, a meaningful connection.

P Ray

August 17, 2013 at 11:48 am

It’s amazing how quickly men agree with a beautiful woman, but more than that, it’s also amazing how such women rarely either reciprocate to the average guy or introduce him to her friends, yet expect his support.

Mr. Dagenius, I heartily agree with your analogy. Facebook and pointless rote socialization are mere parodies of the real thing.

Mr. Deus Ex, I managed to always have one true friend through elementary and middle school. The four years of high school were a friendless and empty epoch. I still refer to them as the ‘void years.’ I empathize with your situation.

All,
Very common here is the sentiment that like-minded, trustworthy people are difficult to find. I’ve had the same problem all my life.
But the internet allows even the tiniest of sliver factions to congeal.

I am a blog master introduced to this blog by Plague Doctor when he paid a visit to my Kingdom. I’ve posted links to this site while Plague has linked to mine right here.
(By the way, PD, I’ve put Social Vice on my KOI blogroll. I was amazed by his account: my own childhood was very like his.)

My point: we seem to be individuals with a lot of similar ideas and we already do our own sort of networking. Yes, the horrible ‘n’ word.

Have any of you attempted real life contact with one another? You all clearly have a lot in common and are beset by many of the same concerns and difficulties. Seems like we’re mostly INT educated males clustered between gen X and millennial.

You all see the world in a certain way and see the deeper, underlying causes of social phenomena when most are fixated on the superficial effects. I figure there must be a stupendously higher probability of any of us getting along with each other than with people randomly met in daily life.

Venues like these serve as social filters by attracting a specific clientele, just like bars or night clubs in face to face life.

voltronblack :
that essay has a lot of truth in it but for most people they know you go to party for fun not for intelligence enlightenment.

That’s the paradox. For people like the author of that essay, what constitutes as fun in that environment is a waste of time. There is no intellect involved. Everyone is socializing for its own sake, vibing with each other because that’s what they have learned to do at parties. It’s just like how a group of girls would squeal at the news of one. (A new boyfriend, engagement, etc.) Their squeal and words of excitement have no meaning. What they do is match each other emotionally. The girls don’t even realize that what they’re matching emotionally has no value whatsoever. This is similar to how people go crazy and have fun at parties, outdoor concerts, etc. If they are fortunate enough to be enlightened, they would ask at the end, “Is this it?”

it funny michel the enlightenment I think most people should try in get is the one that get peace of mind oh yeah why do you have to make being intelligence sound like such a burden it like if your smart or have a lot of truth and wisdom in what you think and say that your doom to walk a alone existence. It like there has to be a better way than that .

While I agree with you (the original poster) that this is an important issue, I can’t agree with your “reason” because there really wasn’t one given.
“Feminization” can mean a lot of things and covers so broad an area that it’s simply not specific enough to be a single cause.
Let’s look at real things that affect people, especially in the countries you mentioned. I agree, unfortunately, that most fake or disingenuous people tend to be female (but certainly not only).

Using your methodology one could draw two conclusions from this, either;

1) women are naturally more fake or disingenuous

or

2) society as it is engineers them that way

Now let’s look again at the cultures of the countries you mentioned; all modern capitalist democracies, where the ideal is supposed to be one is able to get whatever they really really want.
What do men want? For the most part women (sure women also want men, but I don’t think to the same degree)…, and yes in modern times the idea is that everyone should have equal rights (something, I wonder who would try to argue against, certainly not a proponent of democracy). The effect then is that men will do whatever they want (in capitalism this means getting and using money) to get women. In effect this completely spoils them, and being spoiled is right next to being fake and disingenuous. So, the culprits would be (given that we would like to keep democracy): Capitalism, men, and women.